RSVP Blog

Prepare to make it a great first date

first%20date.jpg
The old adage goes, by failing to prepare, you're preparing to fail. Preparation is important in most things we do and the first date is no exception if you want to make a good impression.

When suggesting or making a plan for a first date, some people bide by the idea that it's best to appear cool and casual rather than come off as too eager. Sure, you don't want to appear over-zealous but the first date is a really important part of the dating process and deserves consideration.

Not planning or putting thought into your first date will reflect and give off the impression that you are not genuinely interested - and it could make it harder to get a second date.

So, here are some simple things to think about when making a first dat:

Make a proper plan in advance
We've all been on those dinner dates, when someone asks you out but failed to think of a restaurant or make a booking in advance. You meet them at a designated spot and then they ask you what you want to do! More often than not, this leads to the two of you floundering around, trying to come up with a plan, second-guessing the other person's taste and budget. Generally, this doesn't go a long way to impressing the other person and can put a dampener on the experience before it has even begun.

Save the 'relaxed' approach for later on and don't be afraid to suggest a couple of specific options before the date. The other person will appreciate that you've taken the time think about it. Ultimately it shows you're interested and thoughtful.

Once you've agreed on a plan, stick to it (including making any necessary bookings or enquiries), have cash in your pocket and don't be late.

Make it an activity
It's likely that you will have been chatting over email and the phone for a while before deciding to meet in person - so take cues from your conversations to guide you in your date suggestions.

Think about your common interests and consider basing the date around an activity. By taking the focus off the both of you and giving you something to get engaged with, activities are a great way to alleviate some of the pressure and calm the nerves. They also fuel you with talking points to help negotiate any potentially awkward gaps in the conversation.

Sharing an experience or doing an activity gives you an insight into your date without the intensity of sitting across from each other at a table over a three-course dinner. You'll be able to see them in action and learn about how they respond in the world. You can start to gauge what type of person they are simply by hearing their reactions to a movie, art, music or seeing how they play a sport.

Make sure you are comfortable
You're more likely to shine when doing something you enjoy and are comfortable with. And on your first date - you want to shine - to make that good impression.

Suggest an activity that you like - if you really don't like foreign films, don't suggest seeing one. If you dislike the beach, then don't agree to an afternoon swim and sunbake. Just suggest an alternative that appeals to your common interests.

Make sure you are safe
We always suggest going to a public venue that you are familiar with and has good transport so you can get home easily. At the end of the day, you are meeting someone you don't know - so you don't want to invite them into your personal space or be accepting lifts from them straightaway.

It's good to have a date buddy who you tell your plans to before the date. Tell them who you are going to meet, where and when. Check in with them at the end of the date and let them know how it went.

If you've got any tips for great first dates, we'd love to hear from you.

The RSVP Team

Posted by RSVP January 27, 2012 1:12 PM

Latest Comments

Shazzam, it does make sense closer to the border. I'm not familiar with the area and will appreciate advice. Thank you for the research provided, the numbers and logistics are still quite fluid.

Sleeps up to 5 ehhh? Another pyjama party, I just managed to escape with my reputation intact from the last one, now Barb and Exmelb well...potato juice has been known to loose the tongue a bit!

Posted by: ladylikestodance at February 22, 2012 9:07 PM

If I can make it, I'll fly up on the Sat

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at February 22, 2012 5:48 PM

Hi Shazz,

Sounds great! $30 p/n each. Do we draw straws for bedpartners?

cheers,
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at February 22, 2012 5:10 PM

Hi all, I have researched Homestead Caravan Park, Chinderah. $103 p/n for a villa for 2 people. there are eight villas. Extra 15$ pp - sleep up to 5 (depends on cosy factor). tent sites, bbq area, pool etc. Just off the highway. Other suggestions? S xx

Posted by: shazzam5 at February 22, 2012 11:18 AM

Looks like the Tweed area is the go, that's why I said hands up majority rules but everyone was quiet until LLTD said Brisbane, I shall leave it in you guys hands as I don't know that area i.e. restaurants, accommodation etc so can't advise.

LLTD I shall leave you to liaise with the attendees?

Have a nice day all,
PD x

Posted by: parisdreamer at February 21, 2012 8:05 AM

ect = electroconvulsive therapy

etc = et cetera

lol, Have a nice day.

ciao, G.

Posted by: imgina at February 20, 2012 8:26 PM

Caravan park by a river beats concrete jungle any day guys!!!!

My hand is up

cheers,
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at February 20, 2012 6:48 PM

@ shazzam.....well I hope it helps and broadens the idea ...if there is going to be a few at the meet which form what im seeing and hearing there is...

and yes a big get together less formal IMO ...

and you's would be able to make more of the time together I belive some of the northerners are car pooling down and flying...

same as the southerners and I was thinking of Chinderah park when I wrote it. Have stayed there a few time great facilaties great walks at hand.... beach ect....And yes if peeps wanted the night clubs ect just up the road, this way it would be catering as best as possible to budgets travleing time and likes and dislikes...somthing for everyone

so again just thought I would put it out there...

wishing I could be there....actually did some reasearch today if it could be around there I might be able to get there if it is still on for the 31st or latter...

I know you have been working hard to make this happen so thanks for not biting my head off at my sugestion

Ms Mussey xxxx roger and out

Posted by: ladymustang66 at February 20, 2012 4:47 PM

@Ms Mussey....Jeez, why didnt I think of that!! Actually, Kingscliffe could lend us to Chinderah caravan park. Cabins etc and I love the idea of a more relaxed first date. Big parks by the river etc. Bit of kumbaya etc around the fire! More like a relaxed bbq and for those who want night lights - Tweed easy 15 min drive. S xx

Posted by: shazzam5 at February 20, 2012 3:14 PM

hey all.....

well I know I wont be attending and really do not like to throw fat into the fire but am thinking finacially ect...so as i see it looking from outside the fish bowl

would it not be better for a border meet somewhere just on OLD side or NSW side

reasons are

*more time and space to get to know each other and share good times

*cheaper accomadation

*cheaper fights..Due to not being international airport....less time trying to get through airport security..as smaller airport

*and so much less traffic than trying to navigate through busy city

*easier to find where people actually are

*would have the beach to play on as well maybe a great big clambake aka picnic...where noise ect no restrictions everyone can bring their guitars and tamborines....also quiet a few song birds on the boards I know a couple are attending so live
FREE entertainment....

as you say it is going to be the biggest meet so IMO I think it comes down to more than just splitting time travel.....

Location and COST is a big item to be taken into consideration...

If it were me I would do it just somewhere around tweed or even a little south maybe kingscliff murwillinbah ??? somwhere in that locale close enough to airport on coast...they have great camping grounds with cabins that people can orgainise to share which again cost effective especially as it is out of season....

which would possibly allow for more time a 3 day weekend????? so peeps can go off and 'explore' ....

anyway just my thoughts

just putting it out there as i belive some of the mexicans are comming also FNQ"s are migrating...and all in between so it is going to be a wonderfull time

MS MUSSEY xxxxx

wishing she was going to be there...but !!!

guessing she is going to get slammed for sticking beak in...have broad shouldersxxxx

Posted by: ladymustang66 at February 20, 2012 11:56 AM

Ok, I think by the looks of it the vote is in 31 March at the Story Bridge Hotel, Brisbane. How about a late lunch LLTD? If it goes on it may turn out to be a light dinner also! Just need numbers peoples so I can book us a table!

Off to dreamland shortly, early start this morning, big day getting stuff done.... my countdown is on, waiter please have my cosmo ready by the pool thanks!

PD x

Posted by: parisdreamer at February 18, 2012 9:59 PM

Hi, LLTD.
Whether or not I can take you through that 'sensory experience' depends on time, how long you're staying, and location, where the MAIN meet is to be held. Within those constraints, if it is at all possible, I'd be delighted to 'raise your eyebrows'.

Hi, PD.
Count me in - preferably for a Gold Coast venue but Brisbane will work for me too.

Y'all hava wunda-full day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at February 18, 2012 8:34 PM

It seems Brissy has the vote for the 31 March, as host to the biggest cross border gathering yet. Way to go, spread the love and karma will look after you.

PD, the Story Bridge Hotel sounds perfect, lunch or dinner? We'll thrash out the details as others commit.

Peaceful, may I kindly request you take me to that "sensory experience" thingy you were telling us you take most of your first meets to (if possible, please). Anybody else interested, lets have a show of hands?

Loving the fact that we embrace and respect our differences; there is much support if one is willing to be open to it. A great opportunity to share experiences, to heal, to grow.

Especially keen to learn from those fortunate souls who are better able to bounce back after a romance, their resilience and passion unscathed - I'll be seated at the edge of my seat, and taking notes!

Posted by: ladylikestodance at February 18, 2012 10:28 AM

Ok majority rules - Brisbane or Gold Coast - show of hands who is wanting to meet up - I can then get this organised when I get back from holidays.

Thanx Shazzam

PD x

Posted by: parisdreamer at February 18, 2012 9:55 AM

PD, I have a five hour drive ahead of me. So, logistically, Gc is better for me. Trying to navigate to Story Bridge Hotel, no gps etc would be a difficult thing. Havent been there for about 20 years! Also, some mexicans will be coming and that will chop an hour off their very long trip. Dont worry. We will sort out our first date. S xx

Posted by: shazzam5 at February 18, 2012 7:12 AM

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM?????????

Counting down!!!!!!! But where are we counting to?

Curious minds want to know so that they can make arrangements.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at February 17, 2012 8:07 PM

Coolangatta airport is fine Peaceful but for those coming from the Sunshine Coast etc its a longer drive, the air train from Brisbane airport into the city is brilliant and stress free.

31st is good for me, someone let me know numbers and the vote of Brisbane (central to all) or if you are ok to travel to the Goldy, Story Bridge Hotel is a fabulous venue, good food and drinks, casual dining, close to the river and under the Story Bridge.

Oooh I got moderated for the first time! All I really said was play nice in the sand pit... may have added a bit more about some tussles some are having but bring it back to nice peoples!

PD, one week to Fiji x

Posted by: parisdreamer at February 17, 2012 8:00 PM

31st March might just suit me too. I would love to come down if it is in Brissy. SJ

Posted by: singlejoy at February 17, 2012 4:40 PM

Lock it in please, Eddy. S xx

Posted by: shazzam5 at February 17, 2012 3:01 PM

It looks like the weekend of 31st March.

How about it guys, can we lock the date in, and decide later on the BrisVegas venue??

Posted by: ladylikestodance at February 17, 2012 2:40 PM

Hi LLTD,

Later in March would suit me better

cheers,
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at February 17, 2012 12:35 PM

Hey PD, good to see you. Have a great time away. Ok when is our first date?? Can you southerners get your sock in one shoe by then? The Ides of March still sound good!!! S xx

Posted by: shazzam5 at February 17, 2012 8:05 AM

Not in Fiji yet LLTD my friend..... one week to go and counting!!!

I was hoping to make it in Brisbane, that way people north, south, east and west - yes that includes Gold Coast and Sunshine Coast could congregate there... central to everyone, I shall be fine for the 17th, hopefully with a tan on this pommie skin..... and dried out from the copious amount of cocktails consumed.... not really a drinker anymore....

[Edited by RSVP Moderator.]

PD - the original Paris - I see we have another Paris!

Time for dreamland, nite all, PD counting the sleeps to her holiday in the sun xx

Posted by: parisdreamer at February 17, 2012 12:35 AM

@ northerners *cough* *cough* the longer the better then i can come lol lol...just joking (well not really )i do understand but will do a private round trip after mid april and b4 mid May

and thanks "S" nice to see ya out of bunker lol lol ......

Ms Mussey

Posted by: ladymustang66 at February 16, 2012 7:40 PM

Hi, Folks.
Makes not much difference to me when ittizz and I can do Brisbane or the Coast with equal ease so no issue there either. Coolangatta airport is a bit more user-friendly than Brisbane if anybody is flying in and the traffic is a little less animalistic on the Coast, not much but a bit.

Count me in.

You all have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at February 16, 2012 6:49 PM

LLtd, I do remember now. Yes, we can push it back. I am trying to do a combined trip, to my folks as well and then onto NSW west. Ahh the road trip!! It would be great to get a group of folks along for a face to face up here!!! S xx

Posted by: shazzam5 at February 16, 2012 3:30 PM

Shazzam, think Parisdreamer is in Fiji, if I recall correctly her posting awhile ago.
Perhaps we can push it back a week or so, March 24 or 31?. If that will better suit more bloggers. We (Sydneysiders) are thinking of multiple car pooling and would need to investigate accommodation etc, and then of course there are the merry Mexican's to consider as well as our northern sista's, Singlejoy and Timesrightnow.
Of course we may entice others to join us along the way, so the more time, the better, just a thought.

I'll email PD and check.

Posted by: ladylikestodance at February 16, 2012 1:03 PM

Hey back, Ms Mussey..trying to find out what has happened to Paris. Contacting Peaceful to arrange if we dont hear from her. Probably GC as easier for us. Will keep you in the loop! I think it was on Female Dater speaks. Losing the threads with so many topics going on! S xx

Posted by: shazzam5 at February 16, 2012 7:45 AM

@ shazzam hey girl...cant remember where the post is so will put it here......have been asked about details for the border partrol on the 17th....I can not attend as it week before wedding.....took a chance and asked daughter if she would mind me slipping away for a few days.....

my eyebrows are singed lol lol lol ....but if you could pass on the where and whats so i can pass em on be gr8

thanks Ms Mussey

Posted by: ladymustang66 at February 15, 2012 11:39 PM

hey serenity lma******i was a youngin lol lol lol ...and the hospital was the last b4 the Flying Dr kicked in...lol lol ...

and I swear i wont wear emmmm lol lol see whos laughinh then......lololololololol

I went on a date first in 10yrs which drove me to join this CRAAAAAAZZZZZZZYYYYYY set...first date was good second OMG....

yep hoping to do better here

ALSO just want to say thanks to everyone for there kind welcome in the last few weeks the convos ...the comfort...it much appreciated ......just wanted ya all too know how i feelssssss xxxxxxx

Ms Mussey sharing feelings.....

Posted by: ladymustang66 at February 15, 2012 10:55 PM

Thanks for that enlightenment MsMussey, did you enjoy your trip? lol

Posted by: singlejoy at February 15, 2012 8:39 PM

Ms Mussey,
Your first born was on a table in the lands??? wow, amazing this happened in that day and age, not so long ago. you youngin' you!! lol.
I went on a first date recently and was advised that we become friends first and see where it may lead. That was good with me as you can't say either way after a first date, excpet in circumstances where it's obvious even a friendship is out of the question.

Posted by: serenity62 at February 15, 2012 3:54 PM

The best thing about a first date is seeing that the person you're meeting IS INTERESTED in you as a person

So be interested in the OTHER person

You're not there meeting your soulmate or a musclehead prince charming who's gonna sweep you off your feet or a sexy DD cup hour glass mini-skirt wearing librarian type that's gonna make your jaw drop

You're meeting A PERSON

It's a FIRST date

Give them a go - you can't expect to know enough about a person in one date

And don't judge if you know better :-)

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at February 15, 2012 3:04 PM

Had to go back a fair few posts for some idea as to where to come from with my post (On topic as it were). I have been on 1 date so far - we had a lot of laughs and we got on very well - met at a Pub close to her place - well it went for 2.5 hrs, and on my way home received this message.. "I thought you were really interesting and engaging, but I am not really interested in a relationship right now". Now to put this into context, she did state she was suffering from dating fatigue - 6 dates in 6 days - so I guess she has many options and I wasn't the best one. Cest la Vie - I have another one today - the Museum in Brisbane has recently reopened after being renovated - so walking around then a Coffee and/or lunch. Wish me luck!

Posted by: akira5665 at February 15, 2012 10:44 AM

@SJ....we were being silly we were talking the other day about how we would treat ourselves for V/Day and I invited "S" to a picnic up at atherton but in "MINDSEYE"
wish i could of went for real though...love tablelands that where Ist daughter born...

sorry for the confussion
Ms Mussey

Posted by: ladymustang66 at February 14, 2012 9:50 PM

Hi Cygnus
Did you check out Ataylor... you are a match!
Regards
SOSO

Posted by: sososophy at February 14, 2012 8:55 PM

Shaz....Atherton? You mean on the Tablelands Atherton??? Or is there another one? Thought you were in Bundy,,,,confused SJ

Posted by: singlejoy at February 14, 2012 4:40 PM

Cygnus- you are welcome!! Bet your profile has been checked out heaps. Remember, there is no such thing as bad publicity. Hope you have a lovely SV Day!! S xx

And I hope some of our lovely bloggers have a great first date lined up!! Thanks Genuine. Incoming!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: shazzam5 at February 14, 2012 4:05 PM

Cygnus1, I loved your profile and I liked your sense of fun - you go girl. It is unfortunate that you meet with one of the "others" so early on but, they are here... and we often only know that by meeting them. I find it a bit disheartening but definitely necessary as I wouldn't wish to expend my time and effort on ongoing, useless phone calls or emails, so here's wishing you better dates (much better dates) in future.

Posted by: tinkerbelle57 at February 14, 2012 3:31 PM

Cygnus,

There is a lot of it around; unhappily, it happens on RSVP as well as the more dubious dating sites.

In today's Age (you can read it online) is a item on how people are using private investigators to verify that people are who they claim to be and it is predominatly women who have to resort to this.

Since the truth will come out in the end, it is hard to see why they bother with the deception. It is incomprehensibly stupid when people post ten year old pictures and think that no-one will notice!

Regrettably, it is not confined to men. I know of one lady on RSVP who sheds a year every year - and she has been on this site for a long time! Through contacts completely outside RSVP, I know her real age, which she has never used.

Be wary.

Burntabit

Posted by: burntabit at February 14, 2012 1:57 PM

Aaahhh Dear Shazzam5 -post @ 14 Feb

"My Bunker" is big enough for a couple of us - Welcome - that is if 'the incoming' gets too heavy.......Prob even enough room for the 'Bigman' ...on the proviso of course he brings supper or suitable rations and refreshments for us..

I think we are still in bounds /on topic with this blog...For after all it would be 'our first date' etc etc .

PS: I am really enjoying the blogs this time around...So many new contributors and some really meaty topics and brilliant responses.
Stay safe.

Posted by: genuine1941 at February 14, 2012 12:50 PM

@ Shazzam5 - If anyone is 'scared off' by my profile then they aren't someone I want to get to know. And yeah I am perfectly happy with my profile thanks! totally like it as it is. I didn't ask for 'profile counseling' (well I didn't).

@ grillgambit yeah OK flowers on the second or third, but still on the first they can be nice if you are going out to dinner as opposed to a coffee or something low key.

Posted by: cygnus1 at February 14, 2012 11:15 AM

Cygnus

It's lucky dip gf lol - enjoy every meet no matter what they might wear and peaceful, next time we meet, you BETTER be wearing shorts thongs & t-shirt lol

Haven't looked at your profile but whatever you've written I'm sure is exactly the information you want someone to read. The good news is you can change it whenever you feel like it to reflect every facet of your being. (I used to change mine daily hahaha - there's so many layers to us all isn't there)

Good God did you even ask for a profile assessment? LOL

Just wanted to say that I have written some hilarious ridiculous daring blatant say it like it is philisophical challenging profiles. Have met a few daring men lol - the thing that frustrated me the most was they were always on their best behavior.

*rolls eyes*

Give me the guy who is just himself and is ok with that. Who can talk openly & honestly. Maturely.

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at February 14, 2012 11:14 AM

OGM, I acknowledged you the other day!! The bunker must have been taken over by Big, coz he used that phrase often, and I would hide in there too. I havent handed my key in yet.

Anyway, off to meet Ms Mussey up at Atherton so better dust off the broom stick!!!

S xx

Posted by: shazzam5 at February 14, 2012 7:59 AM

For Shazzam5 @ Feb 13 -in part to cygnus..."but I may slip to the bunker as it is no longer occupied !! "

What are you doing in my bunker ? Sure ,sure - So I was off here for a few months...the name above the entry was then OneGoodMan (OGM).

On resigning with RSVP I could not have that name reinstated. The 'new name' above my bunker entry is Genuine1941.

So, back to the bunker to consult the lists.

Stay safe.

Posted by: genuine1941 at February 13, 2012 11:14 PM

Hi, Cygnus1.
As you may or may not have noticed, I have done gone and checked your profile. As Rodinsthinker said, you ay scare off a few with your academic endeavours and ambitions but, if it were me, I would not be losing any sleep over that. All it will do is help to weed out the unsuitables.

Nice touch with the idea of some 'light relief' during the ad breaks. It is not my preferred form of 'light relief' but a LOT of men would like that notion. BTW, that statement is in no way akin to playing with and i-phone.

I dearly love a good discussion on philosphy, esoteric topics or alternative healing modaltites and practices.

If you are happy with your profile and feel that it honestly represents YOU, I would not suggest any change at all.

Methinks you may have landed a 'weirdo' for your first meet. Better luck next time.

NEXT.

Just my 0.02.

You have a wonderful dating life.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at February 13, 2012 10:29 PM

Hi cygnus
Nice profile.. I think you should try ataylor... He lives in Melbourne but he would suit you perfectly!! He was on the blogs a few weeks ago getting advice re his profile.
Kiss him and see what happens!
All the best
SOSO

Posted by: sososophy at February 13, 2012 8:53 PM

@ shazzam...lol lol lol lol .....we know where's to find ya lol lol maybe atherton not to bad now ehhh lol lol

S is in bunker for Vday :(:(:(:(
cant stop laughing sorry.....
MS MUSSEY

will try to srend for reinvorcements it very quiet today...

Posted by: ladymustang66 at February 13, 2012 6:59 PM

Cygnus, yours is an engaging and frank profile. And tactically astute.

You do what so few do - you make an offer. That's always been the best way to open negotiations.

"I reckon that when you are satisfied with your own identity as a person and as a woman you can find it much easier to allow a man to be a man."

Maturity, kid. It's the mad note. FWIW I reckon the role thing is a bit tougher for the over 40 sheilas. A generational thing.

I hope ya get what little luck you'll need.

On the flowers, definitely for a second or third date. Consideration for the first.

Posted by: grillgambit at February 13, 2012 6:54 PM

Also, cygnus, just checked out your profile. Love, you will reap what you sow. ( I am nearly 20 yrs older). I wish Big would blog on this one, coz he would tell it like it is. We often ask for a critique on our profile, but if you are happy with yours??!!@ I will say one thing "the oral sex statement". I counselled another for "stating she liked playing with her i - phone". JustEm, help me out here. And unique one pls! All said to help, but I may slip to the bunker as it is no longer occupied!! S xx

Posted by: shazzam5 at February 13, 2012 2:59 PM

cygnus1...welcome to our world. Well, no, I have never had a date turn up like that even in laid back Bundaberg. Reallistically, I would have asked if he needed to go home and change first!!

Check out overcoming fear of rejection, and some older blogs. I wish I had some across them when first on here. There is advice on scammers and wallies alike. Good on you for finding them so soon the posts I mean, and good luck. Trust me, they are all not bad out there.Unlucky for a first-upper though. S xx

Posted by: shazzam5 at February 13, 2012 2:51 PM

Cygnus1, agree completely. Though a read of your profile led me to think you might scare a few away with your interests and study. That's not meant to suggest you change anything but clearly someone who does as you criticise is not of your level. What a mind you must have ...

I love philosophy over a bottle of wine :) if you don't drink there will be quite some comedy to you hearing my answers to the worlds problems. You would have one fascinated listener but I first need to change location ...

Posted by: rodinsthinker72 at February 13, 2012 2:29 PM

I have been on the site for a week and went on my first date last night.

1. If you invite a lady out to dinner, do not pick her up wearing a sloppy joe and trashed jeans, expecting your BMW to pick up your slack.

2. Have a photo which accurately indicates your age. Also have an actual age stated that matches your age.

And yes it is best to have a restaurant picked out before hand and have bookings rather than drive aimlessly around.

And guys... don't think that a lady won't appreciate flowers or something. She will.

Good luck, people! : )

Posted by: cygnus1 at February 13, 2012 1:49 PM

Thanks shazzam5 - @ Feb 5.

Hope the Big Guy is OK - You are correct re the blogs and so much reading to catch up on.

Good grief so many new topics - they have muliplied out of hand since I was last with RSVP. It's like looking in one's wardrobe and thinking that the wire coat hangers have had a mad breeding session.
Stay safe.

Posted by: genuine1941 at February 9, 2012 3:47 PM

Welcome back genuine1941 (aka OGM) your presence has been missed and we did wondered about you so thanks for returning and sharing your current situation with us.

I too tried the advertised advantages of an alternative site (don't think I am allowed to say but it starts with E---) and found it pretty useless and so not worth the time, money nor effort so welcome back, and may you enjoy many pleasant RSVP experiences along with (the gods willing??) finding/attracting that special someone. Enjoy.

Posted by: tinkerbelle57 at February 9, 2012 11:56 AM

Hi Genuine, Boy have you got some blogs to read to catch up with every body. Big has had some issues!

Cheers and beers, S xx

Posted by: shazzam5 at February 9, 2012 11:14 AM

Hi Peaceful,
Sorry, mindfulness is a psychological method based on living in the moment, experiencing things as they happen! Based on Buddhist principles I believe but best you google it rather than listen to my explanation!
Just sounded like you had some background in it!
Cheers
Em

Posted by: justem at February 9, 2012 9:34 AM

Hi All...A quick post to advise that the flag is up and in the words of "Big Arnie" --"I'm Back"...
Some of you that have been on here for awhile may remember me as "OneGoodMan" (OGM).
I could not have that profile name reinstated so am now here as "Genuine1941".

Tried another dating site for a few months but have to admit that RSVP remains the best site with their options/services offered.
My regards to "Bigman9"...

Stay safe

Posted by: genuine1941 at February 9, 2012 7:30 AM

Hi, Justem.
I hope that if I ever stand at the altar waiting for another woman, she is not thinking those thoughts either.

Mindfulness? Mind-fullness? Mindful-ness?
Ackshully, to the best of my knowledge, nobody has yet managed to totally fill a mind. How can you totally fill something when there is no physical limit to how much it will hold?

I do try to be mindful of how my words and deeds affect others but I don't let that stop me from doing or saying that which I feel I need to do or say. That said, I also spend a fair slice of my spare time helping others to help themselves.

What I am somewhat more into is spiritual and personal development based on personal responsibility. I also do a bit with various alternative healing disciplines. helps to fill my idle moments and stop spending too much time on these blogs. LOL.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at February 8, 2012 8:34 PM

Hey Peaceful

have to say as im heading into last weeks of planning my girls wedding...im truely surprised firstly thats she is getting married as she never thought she would but that arrow got her...and seeing these two (and not cos she is my daughter) but she or him, Hymn!!! is thinking in that order....she just wants to be *married* to him as ive said they breathe for each other

i know my girl and she is a very aware person and knows life is a journrey not just a trip..how could she not with me as her mum lol lol lol ..and has parted her learnings of life so far onto SIL this made them even closer...and that is when and how the proposal came about as he asked her to walk lifes roads with him...climb the mountains and fly the skys with him *TEAR*...and she said yes

so i do belive 'again' it is an individual experience or in this case a meeting of two souls to share all life has to offer....and they are very aware that its a continous effort and all that comes with it... they def not walking into lightly...nor in the order you have described..

I have to tell ya peeps being on here blogging is stirring alot of past memories of love, lost, hope, and soooooooo much fun it is my life as i wandered this beautiful country for quiet a many year so reading all these towns i am in blissfull heaven,,,reminicing the past....and the travelers and teachers that walked the paths and shared my journey...my road....

UNIQUE1 asked if i lived in Sydney was born an bred there ......till the call of life become to loud for this wild horse to ignore anymore ...and yes i was only in teens...so have lived a plentifull life:):):):):))

@ to TBM9 wish i could make the Coco Cubano on Sunday but it just a bit far cant gallop that fast anymore *GROAN*...lol....lol...hope you all have a great Brunch

Ms Mussey "wild mustang thang"

Posted by: ladymustang66 at February 7, 2012 10:08 PM

Tehe @ peaceful! I'd completely missed your little play on words there! Love it! And also hope that if I ever get to the altar I won't be thinking it! Acceptance is key in any relationship - wanting someone to change to be the way YOU want is akin to thinking Santa is real! The joys of a successful relationship is accepting & loving the imperfections because they are part of the person you love!

Also @ peaceful- do I gather correctly you are a fan of mindfulness?

@ Tweedledum- I like your example of differentiating between hope & expectations (also had a look at your profile- u go girl with those photos!!)

And @ unique- as always you combine wisdom with the ability to make me blush!

Posted by: justem at February 7, 2012 5:48 PM

Hey tweedledum....that is a very nice analogy.....mmmmmm somthing i will def put in the thinktank...always love hearing how others describe situationns...
Thanks
Ms Mussey

Posted by: ladymustang66 at February 7, 2012 5:12 PM

No peaceful, not unfair, just too cryptic for this simple soul. I clearly and shamefully missed the clever play on words, though I still disagree that disappointment is the end result even if she's thinking aisle, alter, hymn!!

big, suitable chastened!!

PS 10am Sunday Coco Cubano Parramatte my fellow bloggers. The more the merrier!

Posted by: thebigman9 at February 7, 2012 4:05 PM

The big difference between a hope and an expectation, is that of possibility versus probability. I hope to win lotto - it is certainly possible. I do not expect to win lotto - it is not probable. But the concept of hope, keeps people buying tickets, even when the expectation is low. Same applies with finding a suitable partner. Although it may not be probable, we continue to search, because it is possible.

Posted by: tweedledum at February 7, 2012 3:00 PM

Hi, Ladymustang66.
Yer moast welkum, Lady.

Like you, I have been on my own, actually and factually if not altogether officially, for more than 10 years. Obviously, that is not long enough for me in my situation or I would now have another partner.

I also don't think that I have been in any sort of 'closed order' for that period as I have been having a lot of fun, a LOT of interesting experiences, meeting a LOT of interesting people, helping a LOT of people in need and gaining a LOT of personal satisfaction from all of those things along the way.

And on top of all of the above, I have been learning. I have been learning about myself, about other people, about other things, and simply learning. A partner who shared some or many of my interests and with a similar outlook on life would be a definite plus, but I am having a ball just being alive NOW.

Hope your 'discussion' with the "gent you are communicating with" works out well for you.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at February 6, 2012 11:49 PM

Hi, Folks.
WooooHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

There's been a bitta traffic on this blog today. A few moths disturbed and a cobweb or two shook up, maybe a even a puff or two of mental dust floating about in the odd cranium or three.

Acceptance? Loving oneself? Being in the moment? Living in the NOW? Being yourself? What do they all mean? In fact, what do ANY of them mean?

Acceptance of who and what you are just as you are does not necessarily mean that you want to stay the way you are right now for the rest of your life. It simply means accepting yourself as you are right now, regardless of whether you want to make some changes in the future or not.

Acceptance of others just as they are and of events just as they are is also a LARGE part of what acceptance is all about. NO judgement, just acceptance. To judge is to ASSUME that you already KNOW the FULL story and it is never given to any of us to KNOW the FULL story.

Things seem to turn out best for those who are able to make the best of the way things turn out.

Loving yourself may or may not have something to do with how - or even if - you view God and your relationship whatever you perceive Him/Her/It to be. Regardless of how you feel about that, loving yourself is about having a true and honest understanding of yourself, warts (if any) and all, and loving the YOU that you are right now.

Being in the moment is all about focussing on the experience at hand at any given moment, whatever it may be. What it does NOT mean is having sex with your partner while you are wondering what you will cook for dinner tomorrow night. Get my drift?

Being yourself is all about being who and what you ARE right now, NOT either what you think others might want you to be or how you think you want them to view you. It is also about NOT compromising your values and principles - for ANYONE.

Hope is somewhat different in essence from expectations in that you can 'HOPE' that something will turn out a certain way, as in you can hope that you will win the lottery or that will find a life partner.

How-wevver, hope can become very much akin to expectation if you marry someone who has a 'fault' or two and HOPE that they will change that/those behaviour(s).

Hi, TBM9.
Firstly, I did NOT say the woman should only be concerned with three things on her wedding day.

NEXT - May I suggest that you go back and re-read that bit about a woman's thoughts as she is going to her wedding and then say the three words quickly?

When entering into a new relationship, or a new venture - or whatever - it is usually with the hope that it WILL be good. No problem there.

Where it can become a problem is if the 'hope' is that someone will behave in a certain way to make it good. THAT is placing demands, either spoken or unspoken, on that person and the way they should act, in other words, expectations.

Big, I KNOW that this was unfair of me but I only put that bit in there to see if you were awake and paying attention. Looks like the Superbowl won. LOL.

Just my 0.02.

You all have a wonderfully thoughtful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at February 6, 2012 10:13 PM

BTW, forgot to say thanks to Barb. I've been enjoying reading your banter with thebigman :-)

Posted by: sixthsense at February 6, 2012 9:03 PM

Sixthsense

When we're in THE right place in our own selves, it will happen

When heart mind soul are aligned, things. DO happen

Your thoughts are your truths for you so whatever it is you TRULY want to believe, understand, accept etc. so shall it be

challenge your thoughts often

Instead of my usual give me a man who is respectful spiritual giving etc. I thought why not try something different & succumb to the good old give me a man that makes me wanna cream my um well myself lol

Physical attraction and its power. Chemistry OMG I am glad I challenged my beliefs and indulged lol

Glad to be freed from the prison I held myself in for so long. The whole time? I had the key to the lock lol

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at February 6, 2012 7:09 PM

OK, unique, we're just going to have to agree to disagree :-) Believe me, I'm totally on board with accepting others for who they are wholly and completely. Perfect in our imperfections etc..

But still do not believe that acceptance and hope must be viewed as mutually exclusive terms.

I'm glad your current relationship is giving you joy and such pleasure.

Dare I say, I *hope* it continues ;-)

sixthsense xo

Posted by: sixthsense at February 6, 2012 6:45 PM

HEY ALL....

a couple of real quick remarks....like i said the comments peacefull made to sixthsense settle questions i had going in my head...and i believe you have to go in with a bit of hope, that was what i decided to do after reading the post ...its like what BIGman9 was saying also.... surely we are not pieces of blank sheeting...having hope does not impinge on knowing who we are ..but it may well be detrimental to our souls if we dont have any........its great to accept and be "who we are" but in the words of GEORGE IIES..".Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark"......so as I venture out on first dates or what ever.... I would like to have 'hope in my faith'...(the universe) That all though i would not go with expectations , if things went south....i would still have somthing to hold onto...being myself and our wonderous universe...
Ms Mussey rambling again i really need to get out....lol lol

Posted by: ladymustang66 at February 6, 2012 6:12 PM

How does anyone expect to be accepted for who they are AS THEY ARE if they cannot first accept THEMSELVES as THEY are?

So it is the same for who we deserve and what we deserve

If your desire is to be loved and accepted for who you are, then BE LOVING & ACCEPTING

You don't deserve what you cannot be

No one is going to be perfectly EVERYTHING you want but if you love them, you will accept and appreciate the fact that they are beautiful AS THEY ARE.

But lets also remember that common sense (usually) does not prevail where love is. LOL

I had a situation where physical attraction overtook my sense of morals and I thought OMG this guy is not going to see me again lol. Getting down & dirty on the first date has always been a definite NO in my books - until I met my sexy beast lol

Turns out he was attracted to me equally and wanted to see me again

And again

here we are 4 months down the track and its beautiful

*sigh*

I'm enjoying every moment I'm in while I'm in it and like I always say, when this moment ends, the next moment will begin

Enjoying every moment we're in leaves us no soon for mourning or longing for what we once had - we're IN THE PRESENT moment

The NOW

Not the past

Not the future

It is the power of now

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at February 6, 2012 3:11 PM

Unique, at the risk of getting bogged down in semantics, that's the point I'm making :-)

To me, expectation is vastly different to hope. While expectation is burdensome and short-sighted, hope, more often than not life-affirming and uplifting.

Isn't that the stock and trade of RSVP: "I hope I meet someone whose company I enjoy who enjoys mine too"?

Posted by: sixthsense at February 6, 2012 12:01 PM

Its like that saying about being perfect and casting the first stone

In order to TRULY ACCEPT someone as THEY ARE, one must truly ACCEPT self (in all your glorious imperfectNess)

My man is completely imperfect and I accept him as he is. He accepts me as I am also. In fact he says I'm perfect lol. We discuss what needs discussing like 2 mature adults should

We know what we've had

We know where we've been

We know what we want

And we are applying simple principles - naturally

If is not in the same head space as I am but I am patient and he is ready & receptive to learning.

Rest assured that I am not blinded by the whole acceptance thing :-)

I am enjoying each moment I'm in, loving it, and learning from it.

This too, shall come to pass lol

Its the nature of impermanence - and the best sensible reason to enjoy the present moment

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at February 6, 2012 11:29 AM

Hi Peacefull.....in regards to your comments to sixthsense ....."THANKYOU".....i have been wrestling with a few questions over the past few weeks and am sure you know i have been in a convent for the past 10yrs lol lol ...so although im not afraid to put myself out there i really wanted to resolve the inner conflict i was having one this topic....

Your have put it in a way that really made me feel calm when i read it although i had put those questions to myself ....but somtimes self just tells me what i want to hear lol lol.....

will have to ask gent im communicating with this question as it will determine where we go from here.... mwhaaaaaxxx

ah feel so much lighter...

ms mussey

Posted by: ladymustang66 at February 6, 2012 11:11 AM

peaceful, unlike many of your comments which have a straitforward message, I find the one posted on Feb 5th a trifle contradictory.

You say basically, if you marry someone hoping to change some specific part of their behaviour, you are stupid! Harsh but probably fair enough if said behaviour was destructive, either to themselves or to you as their partner. You then talk about three things a woman should only be concerned about on her wedding day, again fair enough.

But, it's your next comment that I find contradictory - "So many times, disappointment is the end result". Why? If the woman only has those three things on her mind, and they're the only things she has to concern herself with, why is disappointment often the end result?

Whilst your definitions of hope and expectation may be correct, surely you can't expect that no-one enters a r'ship with neither. Isn't that asking a bit much? How can one not enter a r'ship without hope it will be as they wish? How can one not enter a r'ship with the expectation it will provide them with all they desire?

I know I will be entering my next r'ship with both hope and expectation. I'm not going to enter it with a blank slate as you appear to suggest. How can I? I have a history, I have a past, so will my partner. Neither of us can erase those from what we bring to the new r'ship, and I certainly wouldn't expect or hope she would. We are all the sum of our past and they've made us what we are today. Life without hope or expectation doesn't sound very appealing that's for sure!

big, enjoying the Super Bowl instead of exercising!!

Posted by: thebigman9 at February 6, 2012 10:49 AM

Sixthsense

Tell me...

What is it that you are expecting in, or out of a relationship?

My personal understanding and experience is that you cannot have expectations when you are accepting of all that is - AS IT IS

See at OUR age, we will have been through most relationship situations, felt a lot of emotions, received a lot of what we've given, given a lot of what we've received etc. And we are aware of what we have and DON'T have control of

Expectation is linked to control

If anyone out there would like to have true love and acceptance, then truly love and accept your SELF

The rest will fall into place when you least "expect" it

It is THAT simple.

I dare anyone to test this theory. It is a universal truth. Do you dare challenge it? lol

In your moments of silence and reflection, is there a yearning? Is there an emptiness? Is there a void?

To thine own self, be true

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at February 6, 2012 8:53 AM

hmmm, ok, thanks peaceful but I just don't see having hopes as similar to making demands.

I agree that having expections and not accepting people for who they are is a recipe for disappointment. As well as an exercise in futility.

But having -- and expresssing -- hope requires honesty and a willingness to be vulnerable. Surely different altogether?

Anyway, all good to think about :-) and thanks for the welcome.

sixthsense

Posted by: sixthsense at February 6, 2012 8:13 AM

Hi, Sixthsense.
Firstly, welkum too ther blogs.

There is a difference between a hope and an expectation - although both can be traps.

An expectation is basically a demand, either spoken or unspoken - and often unspoken - that a particular person will behave in a certain way. Do you like others making demands of you?

A 'hope' is a desire or a wish that a certain event will come to pass or that a certain person will perhaps do something that you want them to do, not as 'concrete' as an expectation.

How-wevver, if you were to marry a certain man who had what you perceived to be a behavioural problem in the HOPE that he would change that behaviour, I would describe that as stupidity.

A woman's thoughts as she is going to her wedding are on the order of the service:
Aisle.
Altar.
Hymn.

So many times, disappointment is the end result.

Look for a partner who is already what you want in a partner, not somebody whom you 'HOPE' or 'EXPECT' will become what you want in a partner.

Just my 0.02.

You have a wonderful blogging experience.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at February 5, 2012 11:17 PM

Hi Sixthsense,

Deja vu kicking in!

Good luck getting an understandable answer to that one from Peaceful. Just you wait until Unique weighs in!

You will probably understand it better than I do but my advice is - don't argue, they'll make sure you get it by osmosis anyway.

Even I (Ms Uber Cynic) am now saying MEH! - CHOP! - NEXT!!!!

cheers,
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at February 5, 2012 8:56 PM

Posted by: peacefulsixty at February 4, 2012 1:20 PM

"There is only ONE way that you can be hurt in a relationship, by having expectations of how the other person will or will not behave in that relationship. No expectations = no hurt."

Peaceful, I'm genuinely curious as I just can't see how this works in relationships. I mean, what about hope? How does one not have hopes?

sixthsense

Posted by: sixthsense at February 5, 2012 7:39 PM

Peaceful

On the money. No expectations

Acceptance - of the painful truth that WE ARE NOT PERFECT so don't expect this AMAZING person to be perfect.

Accept a man

Accept a woman

AS HE IS

AS SHE IS

Doesn't everyone want that same courtesy

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at February 4, 2012 6:52 PM

Amber,
Check your emails as I have sent you my number so you can call, as Burnt has done too. I have spoken to quite a few and we are all keen to meet. Were suggesting possibly the downstairs section of the Hyatt on Collins as a meeting point and possible venue?
Let us know, would hate to miss the opportunity to see you.
Magnet waiting with baited breath.

Posted by: msmagnet11 at February 4, 2012 3:27 PM

Hi, SUPERwoman5.
There is only ONE way that you can be hurt in a relationship, by having expectations of how the other person will or will not behave in that relationship. No expectations = no hurt. Take what they may give you that is acceptable and give but what you can without compromising your own principles.

Would it not be a good plan to adopt that approach right from the start - or even before - and simply go with the flow to see where it may lead. Whatever else happens, you WILL learn more about yourself, what you are capable of and what you want in a partner.

Just my 0.02.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at February 4, 2012 1:20 PM

Barbara

actually NO we can't do without those things.

Personally directed snide sarcastic nasty NOT NICE comments exist

Our challenge is to find a place within ourselves where ALL THINGS good bad ugly etc are accepted simply because they exist and always will.

Accepting things beyond our control really is easier. Makes dealing with the "unacceptable" a sinch

REALLY lol

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at February 4, 2012 9:04 AM

As usual I have loved the insights that I have been given. I think you're all right, and I am going to stop thinking about the dating sight thing and just go with the flow (something I struggle to do at times :-).

I find the early part of getting to know someone very scary, because I am scared of getting hurt, and so I have a tendency to want to control things which I know is off-putting to potential partners.

Anyway thanks guys, and good luck lady3152 on your date I hope you have a great time.

Cheers

Posted by: superwoman5 at February 3, 2012 8:05 PM

Hey, just catching up on these posts. Goonharlot, you are hilarious! Remind me of my eldest son, very similar likes and dislikes. Please keep writing in.
On a more serious note, how are you all up there in NSW? Hope you are safe from the flooding.
On a personal note, going on a date on Tuesday, wish me luck! He is a lot younger, and I was hesitant at first, but he is very persistent. Not to mention rather gorgeous! Will be cool, calm and just myself. After all, that's what attracted him in the first place! Cheers,

Posted by: lady3152 at February 3, 2012 2:10 PM

Someone asked a question about when its appropriate to leave the site after meeting and going for a couple of dates etc

I am in an exclusive relationship with a gorgeous delicious man. The only change I've made is I've become insatiable Hahaha - UNashamedly and openly sexual - where once upon a time the word masturbation was embarrassing and highly improper - even though I engaged in it several times a day lol

The pretense... The masking... The image protection

But I digress lol

My man is still on here (his profile is visible)

My profile is (now) private due to idiots - sorry men who are still interested despite my being taken. In my mind, its the classic case of wanting what you can't have but cest
la vie and ya can't control what other people choose to do.

I think if you're still actively looking at, and messaging or kissing people then you're NOT THAT INTO THEM

I know when I saw my man, I immediately went THAT ASS IS MINE!!! lol The physical attraction Mmmm Yummy. But ya never know which way its gonna swing so take your time and don't put your eggs into one basket blah blah blah until HE absolutely can't help himself.

Go at HIS pace (is what I did)

We are into each other - my man and I. We got a thing going on (every night - God I've turned into a sex maniac lol and love it!!!)

Enjoying this discovery phase.

Only get on the boards to interact and laugh a bit when I have time. See what the latest drama is about lol

Enjoying every moment while I'm in it and when it comes to an end, the next moment will begin :-)

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at February 3, 2012 12:43 PM

I am heading over to Melbourne this weekend to visit my son - I haven't contacted anyone as I didn't know if my son had our weekend planned.
But I spoke to him last night (finally!!) and no he doesn't.

I have two of my children with me - so most of the weekend will be about us catching up with my son - but none of my children are early risers (stagger out of bed around 9 -10 AM at the earliest!) - so I wondered if any bloggers lives close to the CBD - and they are also early risers - if they would like to catch up for a quick coffee early on Sunday morning? Would need to be really early like around 8:00 AM!
As we have to be out of our hotel by 10 and we head back to Adelaide Sunday afternoon as we all have work/school on Monday.

If not - not an issue as I realise this is VERY short notice - and our weekend is really all about catching up with my son - but if any of the bloggers are free and can suggest a place to meet so early - that is easy for me (and them) to get to - I would love to have a quick get-together.
And no it doesn't have to be up-market (cheap and cheerful - I am a single mum!)

Perhaps we could then catch up again in another couple of months for longer?

Mags and Burnt have my email - so if anyone is keen (insane?) we can swap numbers and meet up if it's convenient.

Anyway lots of work to do today - have taken the day off to get packed for this arvo!

Posted by: amberlightrose at February 3, 2012 10:46 AM

What is wrong with the blogs. It is so annoying having to post to only have to do it again because it did not work. I do copy so that I don't have to write it out again but it is very annoying. Today however it says that it has accepted my comment but then keeps the writing in the post box, so I don't know if I have sent them twice..

[They came twice but we only published once. We are aware of some technical issues (including the logging on ones) and we are working on solutions. We welcome everyone's comments and read them all but when directed to us rather than the blog we do not always acknowledge or post them as they are off topic. Rest assured, they are all seen and acted upon. RSVP Moderator.]

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at February 3, 2012 9:33 AM

superwoman5 at February 2, 2012 9:04 PM

A few weeks aren�t long. I suppose that if they left the dating site then it could mean that they are possibly be into you. However it depends on what is going on between you and what you both expect out of the relationship. It may be a little early to leave the site and some if they blog may enjoy the friendship and support they share with others. Everyone is different but myself personally I am not interested in becoming too tied up in the relationship thing too soon, as I want to make sure they are someone that I really want to become exclusive with. Even then I want my own space, my own abode and to spend quality time when it suits the both of us. If that led to something permanent then so be it but I am in no hurry. Also if we are intimate I expect that we are only intimate with each other and no one else as long as the relationship lasts.

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at February 3, 2012 9:29 AM

Not for a first date.

I have just seen a trailer for a movie called 'The Vow'. Looks like a good one for romance.

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at February 3, 2012 9:12 AM

Posted by: superwoman5 at February 2, 2012 9:04 PM

Hi Superwoman,
I would think that him not taking his profile down is no bad thing at this time.
It is only very early days - and neither of you are 'serious' yet.
Personally I would be far more concerned if he took his profile down immediately after our first meet!
I'd be worried he was thinking too serious too soon!
But maybe that is just me :)

Like most things, I think it is something you should discuss together as things proceed.
However if you have got to the stage where you have a relationship (have had the 'exclusive talk') and his profile is still visible - then that is definitely a 'red flag' moment.
JMO of course :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at February 3, 2012 8:56 AM

Yay for you unique- agree to disagree folks!

And goonharlot- not sure what bigman had to say about your profile as it was cut but I got great amusement out of it! Ok so it doesn't give a lot of fact but it definitely shows your humour! And to risk sounding like a child- ewww gross!!!! Re: the Interesting individual!

Posted by: justem at February 2, 2012 10:26 PM

Hello everyone :)

I have only 1 solitary tip for making it a great date ..... 'leave your expectations at the door' (or in the car/bus tram/on your bicycle - whatever your mode of transport).

If, as RSVP suggests above ^^ you have actually spoken to the other person at some point before you meet, then surely they must know what to expect when they meet you face-to-face.

Of course, this doesn't cover the possibility (or is that probability ?) of either of you 'pretending to be a lot more interesting than you really are' - a classic human mistake.

@ Barb - you're spot on about higher education .... some need education to claim intelligence and worldliness, some are born that way ;) Was it Pythagoras who coined this phrase 'There is a world of difference between a brilliant student and a useful mathematician' ??

That last line is NOT directed at anyone in particular - but we're here to help each other and bounce ideas - NOBODY is right or wrong because right and wrong in dating are entirely subjective ... that is because humans are subjective creatures. Let's leave our egos and our degrees at the door, perhaps - they hold no relevance here.

Just my 2 cents worth, as always ;)

Posted by: steelstringacoustic at February 2, 2012 9:32 PM

asitis, I accept your reasons for not having a visible profile. It is just that I like to see people, because I'm visual I guess. Never mind, just keep commenting here, and maybe one day we can get a picture of you. I am not judgemental, it's just a thing with me. Cheers, take care SJ

Posted by: singlejoy at February 2, 2012 9:18 PM

So I have another question for everyone.

If you talk to someone for a couple of weeks via email , then meet them for coffee, and find that you both enjoy each other's company, and line up for another date in two weeks time, and keep in touch via texting (almost all initiated by him), but no phone calls.....

However he is still on RSVP, and so am I.

So my question to all of you is when is the appropriate time to expect someone to leave the dating sight?
Do you bring it up? If so when?
Or do you just wait & see if they do & take it as a sign that he is thinking more seriously of you?
Is it ever ok to bring this up to someone after a certain amount of time or if he doesn't leave then just forget about him?

This is something I have been pondering for a week or so, and I'm still unsure of what I think.

I would love to know what you guys think.

Cheers,
Superwoman

Posted by: superwoman5 at February 2, 2012 9:04 PM

Hi Barb
You've been profile peeking and have made a comment addressed to me .... most of which I couldn't really understand. quote..... Soso, I believe that the post towards which your comment was addressed, was, in fact addressed - to you.

(I have been known to talk to myself but write to myself.. don't think so)

Your quote again.....Btw, just had a peek at your profile. It may be a good time in your life for you to learn that education is no indicator of intellect (I acknowledge that as a self-serving statement - SJ does meet your standards).

Let me reply to what I think you are hinting at.
Firstly I am well-educated,
secondly I am brilliant and
thirdly I am very funny, all my cellmates agree.

Barb et al, get that sense of humour out and shake it all about, don't get your knickers in a knot, isn't a good look on a date.
Best
SOSO
Love your posts Unique.. always makes me laugh and acknowledge what's important in life.

Posted by: sososophy at February 2, 2012 8:03 PM

@ goonharlot, you're more than welcome.

@ big, if grovelling is required, consider my apology retracted. I grovel for NOBODY, even your body!

cheers,
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at February 2, 2012 6:01 PM

Agree with you Unique but surely we can do without personally directed, snide and outright nasty comments

I think those who are so proud of their higher education should employ some intelligent debate tactics rather than resorting to one line put-downs.

cheers,
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at February 2, 2012 5:24 PM

@ Barb, thank you very much =)

@justem yep that really happened. Interesting individual that one.

Thanks for the welcome guys =)

Posted by: goonharlot at February 2, 2012 5:10 PM

Just wanted to say something

This here posting of our thoughts opinions feelings statements facts stats etc...

IS NOT A COMPETITION TO SEE WHO AGREES or SIDES WITH WHO

I love seeing people who actually pipe up and disagree because they have an opinion - VIVE LES DISAGREEABLES!!!

I couldn't give a rats if everyone disagreed with me or gave me a hard time over some of the haughty disgusting (to some) shit I say lol

We are no longer in the 17th century so take a make over pill and blink if "adult" REAL TALK makes you gulp.

Embrace the freedom to BE what you haven't yet been or have tried so hard NOT to become.

If you dare :-)

I dare you lol

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at February 2, 2012 4:25 PM

Hey oh unique one, what's so funny? I was asked a while ago to mention the post to which I was referring as I rarely did it. That way it was obvious what my comments were about. So, 'fess up girl? What did you find so aamusing?

barb, apology accepted but only humbly and suitably chastened? You forgot grovelling!

goonharlot, I'd've placed more credence on your comments re the first date if I hadn't read your profile.
[Edited by RSVP Moderator.]

big, still astounded at that profile!!

Posted by: thebigman9 at February 2, 2012 4:06 PM

Goonharlot- I am so disgusted by your example in #5- Are you serious??? Whoa! :)

Posted by: justem at February 2, 2012 3:11 PM

@ goonharlot,

You are welcomed here with open arms. Very entertaining post and equally amusing profile. Hope you stick around.

cheers,
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at February 2, 2012 2:36 PM

Dear Big,

I most abjectly apologise for making a joke at your expense, I can't imagine what I could have been thinking.

You have my solemn promise that it won't happen again.

yours respectfully, humbly and suitably chastened,

Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at February 2, 2012 1:50 PM

How hilarious

Hahaha

How is the dating scene going everyone?

Barbara darling, just keep on being you lol

Same to everyone else - don't change unless its for the better lol

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at February 2, 2012 12:32 PM

Posted by: barbaraw at February 1, 2012 6:20 PM

Think I did and/or it is self evident :-)

Posted by: singlejoy at February 1, 2012 8:28 PM

Would your seeing a picture of me allow you to make a judgement of me? Due to previous experience and the recent ending of a long relationship (with someone I met through rsvp) I prefer not to make my profile visible again just yet. If you want to know something just ask although what I write here should be enough for anyone as your words are enough for me. I say this with a spirit of goodwill which is sometimes difficult to convey in this medium.

Posted by: asitis09 at February 2, 2012 11:00 AM

Long time lurker, first time commenter>

I personally think there are no hard and fast rules to the first date - although I have one tomorrow that I'm looking forward to and am nervous about - where was I?

You definitely need an idea of what you're going to do, that said you need to play to your strengths and the also what your prospective partner is looking for.

For example, if your a spontaneous person and tat's what your date likes or says they like - make some rough plans but wing it. Alternatively if your both more structured people make clear plans. Personally, I try set a rough outline, take them somewhere where I know a lot of different places and thus have a few different plans on offer, but that's me. Everyone has different tastes, so you should cater to them. Whilst it's important to have mutual interests, it's also important to have something to bring to the table in a relationship.

On the topic of what's appropriate for a first date, I think it's important that you actually have an opportunity to engage with the other person. Thus activities are important but they shouldn't dominate the evening.

For example a girl suggested we see a movie on our second date, after we'd had a pretty decent first date - to me, personally this a faux pas. I don't want to sit in a dark room for 2 hours where I can't speak to the other person and getting up to pee is going to be as awkward as hell.

Sorry I thought I would have more to offer than these ramblings so I will break it down into point form.

1. Be casual, but not too casual. Just be relaxed and avoid any preconceptions.
2. Be yourself, but not too much! Present the person that you want to offering. Don't pretend to be a shipping magnate, but on the other hand, don't talk about marriage/kids/past heroin addiction. Best foot forward.
3. Don't bitch, about your ex, your parents/family, your friends etc. I just don't care.It makes you look really petty, and I have no emotional connection to what you are talking about. There's a reason this is one of the biggest dating no-no's. Alternatively, bitching about things that you both commonly loathe is an excellent idea, whether this be the governemnt of the day, Gen Y, public transport - all fair game =D
4. Don't overdo it! Sometimes you and the person really click and bringing a rose might be a great idea, but other times it's a bad idea. Basically if you have any reasonable doubt whatsoever, probably best to avoid overly sentimental/romantic gestures. Apply common sense, and if you don't possess it, ask a friend of the opposing sex who does.
5. Cut the other person some slack, I've watched people make a mistake and then wig out a bit and then just fall into a death spiral. It's just the first date, and we all get nervous. Be compassionate. That said always draw a line, like if she offers you her menstrual blood to taste, it's probably more than nerves (and yes this has happened to me).
6. I personally try to avoid food. If you are going to kiss them, do you really want them to taste the garlic on your breath or do you want them to be thinking about that green thing stuck in between your teeth? Eat before you go on the first date. This is me though, others may disagree.
7. There is no tip #7.
8. As mentioned, play to your strengths. If your prospect likes spontaneous outgoing guys, arrange to meet somewhere and then be (or pretend to be) spontaneous. If they are more structured, show them you can be structured by making clear plans and stick to them.
9. Always, ALWAYS have a plan B.
10. Keep them in the know. I for one have the most rotten luck for punctuality - so I tell them, hey I might be late, I'm doing X, Y & Z before hand so they might run overtime, if it does I will let you know ASAP. There's nothing worse than sitting around wondering if you've been stood up. At least if you tell the person that you might run into delays because you have to go to the bank or the traffic is terrible because of roadwork, or you have to catch public transport etc, the person will understand.
11. Be prepared for rejection, statistically speaking, you are more than likely to not be a match. Accept there's a better than even chance it's not going to work and at least that way when it doesn't you won't be bothered. Just enjoy the experience for what it is, getting to engage with someone new.
12. Worst comes to worse, lie your ass off and get the hell out of there.

Posted by: goonharlot at February 2, 2012 8:58 AM

singlejoy at February 1, 2012 5:33 PM

Okay I suppose that I don't time it exactly to a number of dates but still have to know that what I am involving my self with is of quality stock and this is to do with connection and that I feel comfortable with this person. They may not be everyone�s cup of tea, just so long as I am comfortable with them and can see their worth.

One thing is for sure before I commit to anyone, is that we are sexually compatible. I believe that what defines your relationship with a partner is that you have a sexual bond that distinguishes that relationship form other. I can have friends, family etc but what is different in a healthy relationship, well that is a healthy sex life. If you want just friendship etc then you do not have to go the relationship route; you can be friends with anyone.

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at February 1, 2012 11:42 PM

barb, I know I'm getting old but I certainly don't remember whinging in hospital about people doing things for me! If I said anything at all it would have been along the lines of, "I wish they'd let me do things for myself".

However, regardless of what I said, I cannot for the life of me understand where you get off telling me to STOP BITCHING! I simply signed of a post by saying, I was tired after two days at home getting used to doing stuff for myself again!!

How is that BITCHING???

Well said asitis!

big, very annoyed!!

Posted by: thebigman9 at February 1, 2012 9:59 PM

asitis we would like to know more about you. Why don't you make your profile visible so at least we know who we're talking to here?

Posted by: singlejoy at February 1, 2012 8:28 PM

My oh my things have got a tad snappy here *ducks for cover*

On the sex thing, I'm with superwoman & timesrightnow- perhaps not as long as 12 weeks but long enough to have an emotional connection & feel comfortable. I'm not a super confident woman so I want to feel that a guy appreciates me and won't laugh & walk out if I trip over getting out of my knickers!!

I've actually been feeling a bit of a prude lately for this but I just know if I'm not comfortable, the sex isn't going to be good!

Still haven't had the dates yet though so its all theoretical!

Posted by: justem at February 1, 2012 8:06 PM

Posted by: asitis09 at February 1, 2012 5:21 PM

??????????????????

Please explain...........!

Btw, who are you?

cheers,
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at February 1, 2012 6:20 PM

SuperW and TRN:
All very well to get to know somebody, and this has been discussed before. But I think that a few weeks is too long. If sex is an important part of a relationship, then you need to find out sooner, rather than later if you are sexually compatible surely. If there is strong chemistry, it's going to be there pretty soon I would say, it just doesn't grow after a few weeks. It's either there or it isn't. Too bad to waste 3 months only to find out that you are not compatible in the bedroom, or anywhere else for that matter. How many men, and how many women are prepared to wait that long when you are dating exclusively? Not the sensual or the passionate ones anyway. Just my view.

Posted by: singlejoy at February 1, 2012 5:33 PM

Boy oh boy barbaraw are you the boss of the blogs? You certainly appear to enjoy 'directing traffic'. We are lucky to have you to let us know where we're going wrong :-)

Posted by: asitis09 at February 1, 2012 5:21 PM

Hi Unique,

You seem to have swapped your sense of humour for a keyboard! The longer posts are great but I'd rather have the short happy ones back :)

cheers,
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at February 1, 2012 4:21 PM

Super woman

I used to think the same way - not even holding hands!!!

And then I became an easy loose woman after sleeping with a guy on the first date lol

Tried to fight it but the physical attraction was something I had never experienced before.

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at February 1, 2012 3:48 PM

superwoman5 at January 31, 2012 9:25 PM

Yes I am also for getting to know someone first before hopping into bed. I prefer quality in a person to be revealed first and this takes a little time.

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at February 1, 2012 9:29 AM

Hi all,

I can relate to what thebigman is saying. I think internet dating has changed things in that way. I don't count my first meeting as my first date with someone. I see it as a way to decide whether or not we want to go on a date.

Thanks for the posting from Yahoo, timesrightnow1. I have to say that if I have been out with someone and they drop me home i do notice if they wait for me to go inside.

As for a sleep over by the 3rd date I am curious to know what other women (sorry boys) think. I have pretty much stuck to the rule of no sex before 10 or 12 weeks, as this gives me time to get to know someone properly. Once I have gotten physical all kinds of emotions get involved, and its not the time to be finding out that I really wish I hadn't gone that far.

I am not saying I think its wrong to sleep together sooner, just that for me it's better for my happiness :-)

Posted by: superwoman5 at January 31, 2012 9:25 PM

Barbara

How is saying we adults sarcastic?

And what is this pot kettle black comment asitis? I dont know what post you were referring to regarding your comment about sarcasm that wasn't addressed but if it concerns you so much, address the person/persons - simple imo.

History will repeat on the boards. I didn't need to be here "before". I've seen enough of it on other forums to know sarcasm, aggression, misinterpretation, conclusion jumping, unwarranted comments and attacks on participants etc. will continue with fresh or not so fresh meat joining in lol

Acceptance of "these" behaviours imo is certainly a better option to take. For me, there behaviours will not disappear any time soon. Doesn't mean people swallow it. The option to address people is always there. You have addressed me directly and that is cool with me. I am doing the same - with you and Barbara. We SHOULD DO that as adults.

I'm not being condescending or sarcastic here. I'm saying it like it is.

Perhaps you have misinterpreted my meaning?

And Barbara, the heat in this kitchen is nothing lol. I certainly don't think that someone has to "let someone back in" especially when the door isn't locked.

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 31, 2012 8:47 PM

Soso,

I believe that the post towards which your comment was addressed, was, in fact addressed - to you.

Methinks Unique has no recognition problem and has absolutely no need for your apology. The very thought gives me the giggles!

Btw, just had a peek at your profile. It may be a good time in your life for you to learn that education is no indicator of intellect (I acknowledge that as a self-serving statement - SJ does meet your standards).

BIG, you were whingeing in hospital about other people doing things for you. So, you now have what you've been craving - STOP BITCHING!

SJ - you just keep laughing gf!

cheers,
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at January 31, 2012 7:24 PM

Hello bigman, you've been a bit quiet lately. Now, you are a bit behind with the news here, we've already decided that first meet and first date are different! Put your specs on and read these blogs for a few hours to catch up! I can hardly do that myself, there are so many of them. And some are verrrrrrrrrrrry long to say the least. Always good to read none the less.
Yeah, I agree that there are always plenty of casual meet options. I for one don't want to email for too long, I'd rather cut to the chase and just meet face to face. Saves a lot of time I find!

Posted by: singlejoy at January 31, 2012 6:54 PM

I don't like sarcasm either, it's the lowest form of wit! But who laughs when they feel put down?

Posted by: singlejoy at January 31, 2012 6:08 PM

Now now girls!

Pots, kettle etc. really - if you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen!

But don't then complain that nobody will let you back in.

cheers,
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at January 31, 2012 5:30 PM

Are we talking about a first meeting or a first date? To me they are two totally different things and should not be confused.

A first meeting is exactly what it sounds like. You've decided after a few exploratory emails and phone calls, there's enough of a reason to actually meet face-to-face. Now that can be a dinner, a lunch, a breakfast, a coffee or a drink at the local. Very informal that realistically should not require a great deal of planning or forethought, nor should it.

However, if you get past that first meeting and want to meet again, you enter the realm of a first date. Then you should plan to make sure the impression given at the meeting is reinforced.

big, tired after two days at home getting used to doing stuff for himself again!!

Posted by: thebigman9 at January 31, 2012 4:55 PM

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 31, 2012 2:46 PM

That's a bit pot calling the kettle black is it not?

I rather deliberately did not address it in recognition of the post it was directed towards also not being addressed. I would have thought you able to recognise this. Oh well, sorry about that.

In relation to acceptance being easier and history repeating I certainly hope not. Nor would you if you had been involved with the blog in past times. This is the final time I will mention the past so you don't need concern yourself.

I don't tolerate sarcasm on a first or subsequent date.

Have a great remains of your day :-)

Posted by: asitis09 at January 31, 2012 4:13 PM

Hi Unique,

"we're adults"

thought you didn't like sarcasm?????

cheers,
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at January 31, 2012 3:33 PM

Asitis: address the culprits directly if you don't like it. We adults so lets not beat around the bush.

Leave the past in the past - we know history repeats itself daily on any message board - we cannot ignore that. Acceptance is easier imo.

My thoughts on sarcasm are simple. I don't like it. Its smart arse wanna be bullishit.

Others love it!

I tolerate it - but definitely not on a first date lol

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 31, 2012 2:46 PM

1. I always plan drinks for a first date, but often after work and it frequently turns into dinner.

2.. Goes without saying

3. Actually, I prefer to judge by whether i can imagine kissing them myself...

4. really?

5. Not really applicable to Australia, I wouldn't be impressed with a date if how much additional money i add to the bill impresses her.

6. A bit of a leap honestly, just because she's 'interested tonight' doesn't mean she's going to :)

7. Often true... but sometimes not

8. true, but I've rarely driven a girl home from a first date in Melbourne... everybody catches the train.

9. Sounds about right....

10. I think the 3 date rule is very american, there doesn't seem to be any consistent standard here :)

Posted by: damiannz at January 31, 2012 12:13 PM

I find it interesting how quickley some resort to sarcasm when confronted with an alternate opinion. This was a frequent, and negative, aspect of theses blogs back in the day. I hope this most recent was a 'one off'.

Posted by: asitis09 at January 31, 2012 11:44 AM

Superwoman5

Honesty in your profile is the only way to that way you will attract the one that are hopefully looking for someone like you (if they have read your profile that is).

I go the following off Yahoo7!

Top 10 tips for dating
Article from Australian Mens Health magazine
Jan 30, 2012
1. It's okay to suggest a drink instead of dinner for a first date. (She also dreads a boring, four-course ordeal.)
2. Don't assume that just because you're out with a beautiful woman, she knows how pretty she is - she wants to hear it from you.
3. Men judge women according to whether they can picture having sex with them; women judge men by whether they can imagine kissing them. A set of white teeth, fresh breath and unchapped lips make her more apt to pucker up.
4. She loves it when you insist on ordering dessert. Sharing makes it extra sexy.
5. Tip well: grab the bill, mentally divide the total by 10, double that number and throw down the tip. Do it quickly, but casually. Believe me, she'll be watching.
6. If she touches your arm, she's interested; if she touches your leg, she's interested tonight.
7. When in doubt, hold her hand.
8. Very small protective gestures go a long way and show her you're a gentleman: offer your arm as she steps off a curb, direct her away from shards of broken glass. She'll notice if you wait until she's safely in her car or house before you leave. Wait the extra 90 seconds and next time you might be going in with her.
9. Women need momentum - without it, they lose interest or wonder if you have. Momentum is a minimum of one date a week, plus a couple of phone calls in between.
10. She knows that when you invite her over for a homemade meal or to watch a movie, it's code for "wear something black and lacy and breakfast is on me". Don't play this card any earlier than date three.

So what do you all think about these tips?

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at January 31, 2012 10:14 AM

Is that a fact or did Alan Jones tell you????
Regards

Posted by: sososophy at January 30, 2012 8:27 PM

Glad you got a laugh timesrightnow1, I also get a smile on my face when I think back to some of my non-starters. I'm sure you will have some stories of your own to share soon :-)

I can also relate to river2011 about the lack of honesty with some people. It defies logic to me that someone would totally misrepresent themselves.

My ex met someone for a date before our first date, and she turned up with an obvious cold sore and proceeded to pick at it during the date, when he was desperately trying to make conversation he brought up the fact that she had said she was into fitness and visited the gym regularly. She replied that she wasn't doing that at the moment but would consider doing it if someone could encourage her. To her utter surprise my ex left the date quickly and refused the suggestion of further contact lol.

Lying or misrepresentation like that is annoying but funny later on.

I have decided to approach dating with total acceptance of myself; as a woman, a mother, a professional, my values etc. If I cannot be totally honest about everything in my life then I won't find happiness with a partner. I can respect and love myself totally as a person, and I find that others respond in kind.

Posted by: superwoman5 at January 30, 2012 7:17 PM

Hi, SJ.
Your version gets my vote.

Let the debate rage.

You all have a wonderful debate.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 30, 2012 6:10 PM

"Once I didn't talk to my wife
for six months," said the comedian.
"I didn't want to interrupt."

Posted by: sososophy at January 30, 2012 5:09 PM

River2011, don't know if anyone else will have answered your comment re the Video calls and the like, but there was a topic awhile back that you can find if you scroll well down on the Dating life Category called "Do you want to see who you are talking to" It didn't meet with much enthusiasm from many so I think that RSVP decided not to pursue it. Years ago when I was on the 1st time they did try and have a voice related profile [where a person could record a message] but that seemed to fizzle out too. I tend to agree with you about the point that it may make them more honest but if they have a tendency to "stretch the truth" isn't it better to find out this way rather than when you are "in" to the relationship?
Magnet

Posted by: msmagnet11 at January 30, 2012 1:56 PM

Ok soso, it depends on what sources you base your averages. Alan Pease, author of 'Men don't listen and women can't read maps' in his work says that women can speak up to 20000-24000 words per day. Whereas men speak at tops 7000-10000 words per day. No matter the source the fact is women tend to talk more than men.And some women make the mistake of expecting a man to listen to them talking seemingly endlessly. That's what your female friends are for! Other sources refute these numbers, but there is plenty of anecdotal evidence to suggest that women do speak more than men. I have run and managed social groups for women for the past 10 years, on a voluntary basis, and I can tell you that women do speak lots of words, and maybe that's because they are more inclined to be socialiable, but men like to stand beside their mates and talk about 'men's stuff' but they don't seek out other men so they can talk a lot. Often men just can't be bothered to listen to women who talk a lot because it annoys them that woman can't be more precise, and let's face it, some people have the gift of circumlocution! That's always hard to tollerate if you are more left-brained and male or female.I guess men like George Clooney and others can't cope with 'chit chat' as they call it. For women, it's just talking! I could go on and on and on!!!!!!!!!! Cheers, SJ

Posted by: singlejoy at January 30, 2012 9:49 AM

Hi, Folks.
I usually have a plan. I live in the Gold Coast hinterland and there is a very interesting (to me, at least) 'sensory experience' to be had down on the Gold Coast itself plus several 'different' experiences to be had in some places in the hinterland. The 'sensory experience' is my favourite and I usually save the others for any follow-up dates.

This 'sensory experience' gives me a chance to see how the lady will react to the various elements of the experience and, since it is thing of beauty as well as the unexpected. it usually gives her a lift too. Another plus of the sensory experience is that coffee or a meal can be had right next door.

I think the above covers the 'activity' bit too.

I am pretty comfortable in most of the situations into which I usually get myself and I am not easily over-awed by people or places.

I always try to make the first meet in a place for her safety and peace of mind and close to transport - for emergencies, you understand.

Yes, RSVP, I DO have one more tip that you have negelected to mention - BE YOURSELF. I believe this point can be neglected only at your own peril.

Just my 0.02.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 30, 2012 9:07 AM

Nothing is going to make the first date a success when people don't accurately represent themselves in their profiles. I've had a handful of first meetings where the men I've met don't look like their photos, they have lied about their age, one was eight years older and markedly aged from the way he looked in his photo. Others where physically quite different, one much fatter and a couple much skinnier. One of those guys had a pic up thhatmade him look well built and buff. Im not overly focused on physicality but it's always very awkward when there has been a misrepresentation and their really isn't an attraction. It's a waste of time and dissapointing and feels dishonest to me. RSVP should think about offering video calls, skype or something, within the interface so you don't have to go outside the system to interact in realtime video calls. Would save a lot of time and make people be more authentic.

Posted by: river2011 at January 30, 2012 9:05 AM

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at January 30, 2012 1:16 AM

Hang in there timesrightnow1. Reading these blogs, and posting on them, has really helped me through some of the �down� moments we all experience, especially on the dating scene. You are definitely not alone and there are some great people on these blogs to provide some fabulous insights.

Along the lines of Burntabit�s philosophy, there was a friend of mine who had a three dates/meets policy - she would give the guy three dates before making the call whether to continue. Her thoughts were that by that time the �first date nerves� should have subsided. However, as others here on the blog have noted, some first dates or meets really do not need to progress to a second. It all comes down to those personal �not negotiables� we all have and these can be quite individual, while some are far more common (such as common courtesies and etiquette).

As with many here, my preference is to meet first over a coffee. This is easier for me than some others here, as I do live in Sydney.

Cheers!

Posted by: blueeyedgirl9 at January 30, 2012 8:50 AM

Couple of thoughts here, some past bloggers will remember that I posted that my folks have been happilly married for 55 Yrs this yr! and have sweet fa in common. Dad is a rea Aussie bloke and mum is European born. He fishes, gem fossicks (I am my father's daughter) plays golf, cards etc. Mum will tag along to some things and then stay in the car. She hates the water, I could go on, but they still respect each other and talk and hold hands and Dad will always hold a door open. There is nothing more dreaded than "family meeting time". But the best part is, everyone has a chance to speak.

Just another point here, I have met some men whom it is not in their nature to be talkative and the entire date can be filled with MKR moments of Yeah, Yeah because a) I am tired talking about me, B) I can talk about the weather for ages and so it goes on. It is not that you have nothing in common, some people are just more private. So this is my formula...I chat, pause - wait a bit longer, ask a question. Tell a silly joke, then ask if they are bored, if the answer is no, I will sometimes say (nicely) ok your turn. I have had some guys say, nothing to really talk about. I will then say, ok then- catch you next time. It is amazing how many people will say "oh are you going?" said with genuine disappointment.

Nerves are a genuine problem too, but two of my longest relationships were with guys who were non-talkers. My favourite quote from an ex "You only have so many words to use in a life-time, do you feel it necessary to use them all today".I still laugh 20 years later!!! Be good and play nice S xx

Posted by: shazzam5 at January 30, 2012 7:57 AM

Listen - MORE than you speak

You're meeting them because you're interested in, or attracted to them in some way for starters.

Goes without say that you want to know more about them than what you can tell them about yourself.

So ask questions because you're interested in THEM - you will listen because you're interested.

TRY not to butt in and make it all about YOU lol

Pause even!!!

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 30, 2012 7:14 AM

amberlightrose I think it is okay for each to have their own interest as you say and you shouldn�t have to par take in each other�s interests if it doesn�t appeal to either of you. I also think it is also a good idea that you also have common interests that you can share so that it broadens the relationship. Spending time doing your own things apart and doing things together gives you both intimacy and an identity of your own.

Burntabit wise to give a person a second go, as it may have been nerves as you said. Then as you said the second time around gave you a better indication in relation to how they would continue to perform.

Superwoman5 I would say you gave me the laugh of the day with your post, there are some interesting people out there aren�t there, lol.

I am glad I started reading the post again over the last couple of days. I began this morning feeling a bit unsure of getting into the whole dating scene again but after reading all your posts, from really people with their own experiences in relation to dating, I don�t feel so alone anymore. Not bad going, how I felt this morning to having much more confidence tonight. Thanks fellow bloggers, I know it wont always be rosy but at least I am not alone in the dating game, where we can all make mistakes.

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at January 30, 2012 1:16 AM

Re Gender differences in conversations, Singlejoy .... women speak at least 10000 words per day, whereas the average male speaks only around 3000! ..... This is a myth. Men and women actually speak an equal amount, but remember ladies and gentlemen it's not the quantity that counts, it's the quality! Listening is a lost art, for many.

Posted by: sososophy at January 29, 2012 9:01 PM

I agree burnt, that the conversation should never be one sided. A good conversation should be back and forth. A simple question is suffice to get a quiet person vocal, if carefully worded. However, you must keep in mind that women speak at least 10000 words per day, whereas the average male speaks only around 3000! Women often take ten sentences to say something that a man might say in 2! I've been in your situation myself though, where men just go on and on and on about their job or some other interest, like fishing or golf, never once asking a question to let me talk a little.Bad manners or lack of sensitivity are a real turn-off.
But at least one can always refuse a second date!

Posted by: singlejoy at January 29, 2012 8:32 PM

Hi all,

I haven't had any too weird first dates but the most uncomfortable 2nd date I have had was when I went to pick him up (my choice, because I wasn't drinking and didn't want him to know where I lived) and his kids (all 5, yes 5 of them were waiting out the front). WHen he got in the car he commented on how happy he was that I got to meet the kids, and I thought whoa, slow down a bit slick. Later on at dinner he was trying to make plans for coming xmas which was 3 months away......Anyway needless to say that was our last date. I have experienced that a few times where after one date, the guy acts as though we are in a relationship, not just getting to know each other, and that is a huge turn off to me.

Posted by: superwoman5 at January 29, 2012 8:07 PM

"If you've got any tips for great first dates, we'd love to hear from you."

May I add that there are a few things to avoid.

I had a first meeting with a lady and was blown away - by an unending torrent of words. Over two hours, I simply did not get to ask anything or say anything. This was a very intelligent woman who had achieved much in her life but absolutely nothing impeded the unending hail of words.

She set up a second meeting and I went along with it, thinking that she might have been nervous the first time and had covered it with non-stop talk. Wrong! The second meeting was even worse than the first. The same ceaseless shower, this time delivered at a faster rate than the first encounter.

When I refused a further meeting, she was quite put out and implied that there was clearly something wrong with any man who was unable to see that she was the world's greatest catch.

If anyone has not made progress when everything looked to be going well, it might pay to consider if the exchamge was balanced. Was the conversation 50-50? Was it biased one way or the other? 90-10? 99-1? That's deep into turn-off territory.

Untrammelled loquacity is not a very appealing attribute.

Burntabit

(Oh dear, here we go again! Four tries to get this posted. Clunk, clunk, clunk!!)

Posted by: burntabit at January 29, 2012 7:48 PM

Mmm not sure how far I got before I accidentally hit the wrong key and posted.......

Anyway as I said I know there are women who are also adrenalin junkies - but I think they are in the minority rather than the majority - even in their 20s & 30s.

I would be perfectly happy with a man who wants to go bike-riding, rock climbing or any other extreme sport if he feels so inclined.
And yes I would be happy to go walking or on a leisurely ride along a quiet and SAFE bike track (I think - or at least give it a try) or go along and read a book under a tree to be with him if that's what he wants (provided it's not too hot or raining sleet) but to expect most women to actually want to do these things WITH them - is just a little too demanding I think :)

In the same way should I decide to take up pottery or painting or quilting - I wouldn't expect (or even want) my partner to come along with me - I would hope a man wouldn't expect me to 'prove' myself by having to keep up with him :)

As long as you both aren't being slugs on the couch all the time - it Is about appreciating and respecting our differences i think.
And allowing each other the 'space' to be who they want to be :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 29, 2012 4:11 PM

Posted by: britishracinggreen at January 29, 2012 2:12 PM

That made me laugh BRG :)
Mr. Activity - yep - I think we've all met him. The one who can't understand why YOU wouldn't want to ride on major highway on a bicycle - dodging and not been sucked under all the B-Doubles speeding past :)

Who thinks that means you can't possibly be suited because taking your life in your hands is not s daily activity for you!

The thing is 20 years ago these guys would have been blissfully happy if their partners had just kissed them good-bye and happily LET them go and do all these activities. Greeting them at the end of the day with a smile and a glass .of wine :)

Now they THINK they want someone who will DO it all with them!
I thought that was what like-minded male mates were for - not a partner.

I am know there are women who would happily live this frenetic life-style - but I would suggest

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 29, 2012 3:56 PM

I think my best "First Date" [and that was after a 2 hr coffee meet] was dinner in a nice restaurant [though a tad noisy] followed by a drive to the Beach, where we, yes we did, walked on the beach barefoot and talking. We then found another place for a cold drink [warm night] and said our goodbyes. It gave us both a fair bit of time to get to know each other with no stress about being somewhere or who was around.
Have had all sorts of first meets and I tend to choose according to how comfortable I feel with the man after our emails and conversations. If I feel that we have an easy conversation flow, and he agrees, then I will take it to dinner. If conversation is stilted or reserved then I opt for/suggest coffee.
Had a first Meet where we wandered around a Classic Car show for an hr and then went for coffee. That was good too as it was something we had in common and gave us good ice breaking opportunities.
As I mentioned on another topic, the main point in my mind is that if it shows that the man or the woman has put in effort to think of a nice way to put the other at ease, with either a flower or a thoughtful choice of venue or being well presented then it certainly goes a long way to give a good impression. A place where the person is well known may put the other at a disadvantage perhaps, or the person who is known may feel uncomfortable with that so keep that in mind too.
I know after multiple times of meeting the whole process can become a bit jaded but keep in mind that it might be the first Meet for the other and he/she doesn't want to feel that they are just "another one".
Aussiepom13....agree with your comments wholeheartedly.
Magnet.

Posted by: msmagnet11 at January 29, 2012 3:41 PM

timesrightnow I agree with you there. It's been my experience that after coffee or a drink , when there's been some connection between us, the man usually calls or txts something complimentary or more likely he rings and asks if he could take me out for dinner or lunch. I like this because I'm all for talking and listening and getting to know someone. No need for adventurous outings for me for the first date.Sometimes I txt to say 'thank you', when it's been one of those lovely 3-4 hour conversations! I have had a few of those.

Posted by: singlejoy at January 29, 2012 2:38 PM

Aussiepom, I too have dated these men - the burper, the nose blower, the one who even asked me what my cup size was, the one who talked to me as though I was a five year-old - he thought that an age gap of 6 years was a big difference. But, it's the ones who, when they find out that I'm also at university, say, "Good for you! I'll come over and help you with your studies," as though I can't manage on my own.

I've also struck 'Mr Activity' - the one who wanted me to come abseiling at the Glasshouse Mountains, the one who asked me to come kayaking at the crack of dawn on a Saturday, the one who wanted to take me to a golf driving range. I do make an exception for yachting, but usually I just want to go a nice wine bar and talk. I don't want to go to your local pub, or the trattatoria that your mate just happens to own, or on a picnic in the Roma St Parklands with the heat and the flies and the grunting joggers running past.

It's simple, a glass of wine or a coffeee somewhere where talking is not hampered by loud music.

Posted by: britishracinggreen at January 29, 2012 2:12 PM

For a 1st meet.
I have found the dog park (ours has a dog beach) a great place to meet. Lots of opportunity to chat, obvious mutual interest, lots of light hearted moments and the ability to observe the demeanour of the potential partner's reaction to a multitude of situations.
Oh, it helps if they like dogs!!

Posted by: trucolours at January 29, 2012 9:29 AM

Some of you have a good sense of humour, which is great and would help when meeting people for the first time.

I prefer to meet for coffee the first time; it gives the both of you a chance to check one another out before committing to another get together. After this I would not meet up with them again unless I was truly interested in getting to know them. An indication to me that a man is interested in me would be to contact me after our first meeting to take me out to dinner or somewhere nice.

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at January 28, 2012 8:09 PM

Posted by: aussiepom13 at January 28, 2012 5:11 PM

Oh dear, you have met some charmers :-)

Posted by: asitis09 at January 28, 2012 6:40 PM

First date: Gentlemen, please do not burp throughout the meal. We all burp, but on a first date? I don't think so Also, please do not look at a woman's chest whilst speaking, very poor form. Also, do not keep interrupting her when she is talking. We all have the right too air our views. Also, do not put your hand up and say "I haven't finished talking yet". And do not ever treat a woman as if she were an idiot or a child. There's more, but that will do for now.

Posted by: aussiepom13 at January 28, 2012 5:11 PM

Some of my most successful first meets have been when Ive been running late, flustered and just not had time to really worry about the pressure of meeting for the first time, not that I'm the nervous type really. If you think you may "click" its nice to have a venue where drinks or coffee can lead to dinner...that has happened to me a few times, Im a talker too, and much better than people packing up around you. Bravest second date I ever had was the whole day at the Royal Easter Show...and yes there was a 3rd, 4th and 5th but alas no chemistry. Oh, and just a word of warning, a lunch or dinner is not a sensible first meet as opposed to a drink or a coffee where closure is so much easier. Looking forward to my pending last "first date"

Posted by: frangelico1960 at January 28, 2012 3:08 PM

Agreed Justem! A quick get away is often needed ..... for the man as well!

Regards
SOSO

Posted by: sososophy at January 28, 2012 2:58 PM

I'm with you SingleJoy- I prefer the casual coffee date (having said that I've gone on one official first date/meet in my life- fallen into most relationships!) But I like the chance to have a chat and the option of it being as long or short as you choose! Nothing worse than being stuck on an "activity" if you don't click in person! And I'm in a slightly younger age group!
Oh & unique I also prefer to wear undies!

Posted by: justem at January 28, 2012 1:48 AM

My location sometimes requires sleep overs. that can be tricky. Understand what you are saying SJ, awkward silences mmm. Luckilly I can talk underwater, which is where I shall be soon, I think. Has not stopped raining for hours. S xx

Posted by: shazzam5 at January 27, 2012 9:09 PM

Yep, I didnt think that one would make it specially after peacefuls insightful blog. Laughed for ages. Up to the gills with the rain here. SJ, about 3 hours on a coffee date. S xx

Hope the Sydney crowd are having a good first date, and some seconds!!

Posted by: shazzam5 at January 27, 2012 8:40 PM

Ok I was talking about first meet. But first date for me is usually drinks, dinner or lunch. Any chance to get together and just talk our heads off. No better way to get to know somebody, and find out what you really have in common and if you can maintain a decent conversation without the awkward silences. Very few of them around with me! I still don't want to plan an adventurous date, or a movie, there's not enough chance for talking. There's plenty of time for intersting outings if you click and you both want to continue to see each other.

Posted by: singlejoy at January 27, 2012 8:31 PM

First impressions people whether you like them or not

Let them be gob-smacked by your easy laid back casual FUN attitude to the meet

Perhaps you can even share recipes for how to serve sausages ??? You know - let him start talking about how he likes to bbq them?

Just a suggestion

Pmsl

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 27, 2012 8:19 PM

I would like to take a moment to thank the moderator who allowed this distasteful but humorous post Hahaha glad you have a sense of humour!!!

Got a brother?

LOL just kidding - there is only one sure way to have a great first date and that is to LET GO FEAR and replace it with a ridiculous and fancy free sense of humour

All you serious people can stay that way lol

Unique the shameless hussy lol

Laugh... MORE
Feel Happy... MORE

And make sure you tell the waiters to stop your date if they try to do a sly exit lol

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 27, 2012 8:11 PM

I would like to take a moment to thank the moderator who allowed this distasteful but humorous post Hahaha glad you have a sense of humour!!!

Got a brother?

LOL just kidding - there is only one sure way to have a great first date and that is to LET GO FEAR and replace it with a ridiculous and fancy free sense of humour

All you serious people can stay that way lol

Unique the shameless hussy lol

Laugh... MORE
Feel Happy... MORE

And make sure you tell the waiters to stop your date if they try to do a sly exit lol

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 27, 2012 7:54 PM

Are we talking here of a first date or a first meet because they are totally different.

First meet ..... a coffee or a drink .... you can't plan a first date with someone if you have NO IDEA if you'll be attracted to them. Plan the date AFTER you've met NOT before. Most of my meets don't lead to dates and that is not a complaint by the way!!
Regards
SOSO

Posted by: sososophy at January 27, 2012 7:30 PM

Very funny uniqueone. Prefer commando myself. S xx

Posted by: shazzam5 at January 27, 2012 7:06 PM

Make sure you're wearing undies

In fact, you could make that an ice breaker - "Am I wearing undies or not"

Hahaha

Have a sense of humour darlings lol uh however, if you're looking to wham bam guys, perhaps you should just hang loose like a goose?

Pmsl Hahaha

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 27, 2012 6:58 PM

I've had many first dates, and none of them activities. My choice of course. I just want to meet somebody I've been emailing and have a coffee and a long chat, or short as the case may be. However, my average time for coffee is around 2-3 hours! I know how to put somebody at their ease, and I can talk and listen both. My aim is always to learn something about the person, and I ask lots of leading questions, which require more than a 'yes' 'no' answer. Activities might be great for the younger ones, but I find that all most people in my age group, late 50's to mid 60's, like to just talk and then if it goes well, we'll agree to meet again. You can always tell if you will hear from them again, and I usually do. Otherwise, I make it a short chat, drink fast, and I'm outer there! My record so far is 4 hours over coffee! Why would I want to do anything else if this works for me?

Posted by: singlejoy at January 27, 2012 6:00 PM

This is all good advice but really does not work for folk in smaller towns. Choices in Bundy are limited to, beach, Rum factory (yuk) and Botanic Gardens. Otherwise, it really is lunch at a pub/restaurant or movies. I think having a slightly planned itinerary is great! Have had some of those moments, so what do you want to do? Never an issue in BrisVegas. Blog on the rain is driving me stir crazy Sxx

Posted by: shazzam5 at January 27, 2012 5:10 PM

RSVP Blog

Prepare to make it a great first date

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