RSVP Blog

Theotherhotredhead, hun write to RSVP, as they will refund stamps when scammers are concerned. Not sure if its the same case for when someone is under review, but if you don't ask you don't get.

Posted by: ladylikestodance at February 23, 2012 9:41 AM

Thank you Ladylikestodance.....I don't have any single friends in my age group so would love to meet some here.....Paris x

Posted by: parisinluv at February 22, 2012 11:05 PM

Do I have a big flashing sign on my profile saying "sucker, pick me" ? I am starting to wonder. I know I said I was sending positive thoughts out to the universe and I tried to do that but what do I get back.... yet another person who's profile is under review after I wasted yet another stamp. Thats 3 in a row what am I doing wrong?

Posted by: theotherhotredhead at February 22, 2012 5:32 PM

@parisinluv, keep on being positive!!! S xx

Posted by: shazzam5 at February 22, 2012 5:27 PM

Parisinluv, hang five hun, we have positivity on tap.
A communique is on its way.

Posted by: ladylikestodance at February 22, 2012 2:40 PM

Blueeyedgirl9..... Wondering what the FB page is named so I can join? Need all the friends I can get, LOL.....positive thoughts keep me going though when you go through disappointments over and over it is sometimes very hard. Some people meet a partner in life straight after a marriage or relationship breakdown and never look back. For others it takes a lot longer, if ever. I enjoy reading all the stories on dating experiences and the kisses sent. I wish there was a kiss reply to the 'if you send the first email I'll shout you a coffee' kiss, that says 'go jump in the lake'! What a turn off! I would love to know if anyone has actually ever sent these people an email???? Also ladies is it just me or is it a turn off of men posing with no shirts on? For me it's all about a mans mind that interests me, not that I don't appreciate a good looking bod but really do you men out there think this is tempting us ladies of 50 plus? Maybe for the 20/30 yr olds!
I also wonder why certain people keep looking at your profile over and over but never send a kiss mmmm......
Having a positive mindset is a must, how can you expect to date/get to know anyone/have healthy experiences if you aren't positive?
.....paris x

Posted by: parisinluv at February 19, 2012 9:45 AM

Posted by: blumtslady at February 18, 2012 9:34 AM

I agree with you Blumtslady.
Most of my women friends no longer smoke - I have never been a smoker myself and no matter how nice the man is to talk to - I just find the stale smell of cigarette smoke on someone's clothing makes me feel nauseous.
Not exactly conducive to romance :)

Most of those I know who have given up smoking - tell me that they had no idea of how strong the smell was until they themselves no longer smoked.

I wonder if the concern women have with men who travel a lot in their work is more to do with the 'a ship in every port' scenario?

As well as you say - it's not always so easy for people who may still have children at home or who work full-time.
Different life stages contribute greatly to logistics as well.

Posted by: amberlightrose at February 19, 2012 9:41 AM

Re "what's wrong? or holding me back? Smoking definitely limits the pool of ladies who will respond. So if you are choosing between women and cigarettes, maybe you may have to get a better looking packet! :) Plain paper packaging is really going to make life seem even more lonely. :( Sad Face. , You can't caress a ciggy in the same way., For the other gentleman, if you are moving regularly between 2 places such as Terrigal and Sydney for lifestyle and work , then potential partners may feel intimidated by the prospect of managing a match with that, depending on where they are based. Was travelling between bases an issue before? Perhaps say a little less about that in your profile and be open to spending a little more time in one area or the other at a later stage to allow more regular contact with another.
Age and geography can make a difference if you take into account what stage and situation a potential partner is likely to be in as well. .... Now it's getting complicated... so stay positive, sometimes its all about logistics, that's all.
C.

Posted by: blumtslady at February 18, 2012 9:34 AM

How about the one that asks you to update your profile so they can know more about you, this from a man who had about 2 lines on his so I sent back the same reply and you guessed it, that was the end.
My luck still hasn't changed, the one I couldn't get to even commit to a meeting is now gone to work OS, or so he says and 1 more scammer to add to the list. But there is a more positive note I did however get 2 stamps refunded because I reported them and complained so the numbers still climbing but I am hanging in there for the moment and I have 5 stamps to use so I am sending out good thoughts to the universe.

Posted by: theotherhotredhead at February 18, 2012 7:51 AM

online dating games...back and forth kisses...hate that....especially the one that says if you send the first email ill buy you a coffee! give me a break!

Posted by: softandsweet at February 18, 2012 1:50 AM

Go out & have fun with people WITHOUT the mindset of finding "the one"

It's an expectation that will bring you more anxiety & stress than anything else

Wanna positive mindset?

Don't think negatively lol

At least TRY NOT TO

Some people just can't help themselves though - and thats still ok. Just a longer harder road lol

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at February 17, 2012 1:38 PM

@akira gees well at least somones getting them lol lol well done and best of luck and please keep us updated...tells all where your hanging out lol lol .

Ms Mussey

Posted by: ladymustang66 at February 15, 2012 11:28 PM

Akira5665, you've been on so many, you may need to cull a few to remain sane enough to know hwo you dated, on what day, where and when!! lol. People could get "dating envy" reading your post. Good luck to you mate, maybe date in moderation for a while, never lose hope and always enjoy being in the moment of the date, even if it goes awry we all learn something from any given situation. If you are getting clogged up with dates, I'm more than happy to help out with the ones from Sydney. lol.
All the best

Posted by: serenity62 at February 15, 2012 4:12 PM

Well - one thing I need to know - how many dates till you start to lose hope? I will always try to stay positive(negativity attracts negativity, IMO) - I have another date today - I went on one on Monday - didn't work out but was a great social experiment - I am VERY unused to dating lol. I also met a lovely lady last weekend at a friends party - and we are planning to go out later this week - so to all you fellow Bloggers - keep smiling and good luck! I will keep you posted.... Stay Positive!

Posted by: akira5665 at February 15, 2012 10:48 AM

Hi Blueeyegirl. What task? what's FB pg?
Are you writing a Thesis??? lol. Nice to have met you.
ciao, G.

Posted by: imgina at February 13, 2012 8:10 AM

RE: Parramatta Coffee Catch-Up

Wow - what a great turn out! It really was wonderful to put faces to names & get to know some of the local bloggers a little better. So many of you have helped to soothe (with your words) some of the knocks we all seem to get when 'putting our hearts on the line'.

Just so you know (to update those at Parramatta), my little task (regarding FB pg) was accomplished today - but I will probably need some assistance from LLTD from here on.

Keep smiling :-D

Posted by: blueeyedgirl9 at February 12, 2012 8:29 PM

Akira, I too was a lurker before I dived in and posted late last year. Haven't looked back since, found the blogs very informative, therapeutic and fun. The blogs facilitated new friendships far and wide, with lots of encouragement and support on tap.

It is amazing how someone can inspire and open your eyes; was fortunate enough to have experienced that too.

We may have that drink yet ;)

LLTD

Posted by: ladylikestodance at February 12, 2012 1:49 AM

Akira, if you'd happily welcome a potential partner's child(ren) in your life, then say that in your profile.

Speaking as a sole parent, I look for that very quality, as it shows a generosity of spirit.

Go get 'em :-)

Posted by: sixthsense at February 11, 2012 7:21 PM

Why thank you Sixthsense, that was very kind of you to say x :).
I am usually very careful when sending kisses - if you ignore the "What I'm looking for' section you are setting yourself up for failure - so yes - rarely have I approached anyone with a 'Don't smoke' in that area. As I have read from TheBigman9, peaceful60, uniqueyou(?),and ladylikestodance(THATS a long user name lol) - it really is a numbers game I guess. And being positive is the best policy. I have been lurking the blogs since I joined and I consider it is quite similar to sitting in a room getting feedback from people in the same boat(Or similar at least) so quite informative. Maybe I should lose the 'Wants kids" portion - honestly someone elses are fine - maybe for next month if things don't improve :). Thanks for the positive feedback SixthS x

Posted by: akira5665 at February 11, 2012 9:27 AM

Akkira5665, I just can't believe you sent out 40 kisses and got zip back.

You sound clever, considerate, caring *and* you cook! What's not to like? maybe (and this isn't a judgement - just a theory) it's the fags? are you sending your kisses to women who are ok with smoking?

Keep searching; you'll find her.

Posted by: sixthsense at February 10, 2012 4:37 PM

Hmm, all very interesting takes on the positivity thing. I must admit, after sending somewhere in the vicinity of 40 kisses over the last two months - and getting the constant "Thanks but I don't think it would work out between us" does get somewhat disheartening. Truth be told - if they take one(or more :) ) look/s at your profile, and don't give you a chance to be something other than a digital footprint on a screen - they have actually done you a BIG favour, IMO. The looks side of things is very important to most I believe - but when we get down to it - personality goes a long way. One of the two positive replies I received was from a girl who just wanted to be friends - I think she is gorgeous, and her profile read is amazing - but hey - you can't have too many friends can you? So I sent her an Email saying gidday, and get this - she gave me some tips for what would make my profile more attractive! All in a great conversation we had via chat. Now some of these tips I never would have thought of - and it got me thinking - the glass is half full Akira, not half empty! So yes, keeping ones mindset positive is vital when it comes to dating sites, especially if you don't look like George Clooney, and taking knockbacks as learning experiences is the best way to keep plugging away. Hope you all had fun in Sydney - there are some colourful characters I think it would be great to have a Beer with - for sure :) Keep smiling all!

Posted by: akira5665 at February 10, 2012 2:59 PM

Hi Disarm .. :)

Oops ... meant to send you the "great profile" kiss and umm clearly sent the wrong one .. lol

I honestly don't think there is anything wrong with your profile. Don't change a thing. Good things will come.. Law of averages right? :)

Perhaps take a break until you're feeling a little reinflated.

:)

Posted by: sweeetlillee at February 9, 2012 3:05 PM

Disarm, I checked out your profile and had a smile on the face the whole way through. I thought it was well written, and straight to the point. Perhaps, taking the pi@@ could read "taking the mickey or something" but all in all really good. We all get a bit deflated now and then, but it is worth reading the previous blogs to understand "head space". good luck S xx

Posted by: shazzam5 at February 9, 2012 8:36 AM

Hi guys - sorry, sort of feeling a little 'deflated' with my run of late, can't take a trick!

Without wanting to turn this into a critique thread etc. Would any of you guys mind having a quick look at my profile? Maybe you can see where I'm going wrong... It's pretty honest, I'm thinking putting it all out there is what's require to 'cut through'...

Cheers, all the best, and thanks in advance.

Posted by: disarmwithcharm74 at February 8, 2012 10:59 PM

I blog. Therefore I am! (with apologies to Descartes)

The above is the tagline on the RSVP badges supplied by our creative engineer, Burntabit. Together with our nik and Christian name, tis colourful and cool. Mine sits on my desk and gives me a positive vibe every time I look at it *smiling*.

If you need a daily dose of positivity, (and reality) just hang out here for a while, it soon does the trick.

Posted by: ladylikestodance at February 6, 2012 10:22 PM

I also meant to add..think about your handle, Justem. I had a boss once who overheard a colleague stating "I was JUST ringing to advise,,,,,,," and she stated "dont ever say just, you minimize your potential." May be missem, there is one already ,I checked but something nice and playfull. S xx

Posted by: shazzam5 at February 2, 2012 7:02 PM

My pleasure, justem. Me too re the boring thing, but that can change in a heart beat! Sxx

Posted by: shazzam5 at February 2, 2012 6:16 PM

Thanks Shazzam! As you are the 2nd person to mention the iphone thing so *boom* it's gone! But hey I do lead a boring life ;)
Having the 25km is only in as a preference, not a rule, and in such a large city does not seem to narrow down the playing field too much as it covers most of the city!
Cheers for the feedback
Em (loving the blogs)

Posted by: justem at February 2, 2012 3:18 PM

Posted by: justem at February 1, I went to try to answer you and the otherredheads question, and then decided to look at your profile first. (old timers, cant remember if I have already done this).Your profile is similar to mine, but I have cut it down to one paragraph.

We are very similar, in likes dislikes etc. I felt that you "muck around on your iphone for fun" Ok I have a few years on you but if that is fun?????

I thought I lead a boring life at the moment (this is said in jest!!!) I think to widen your search area. 25 ks from your home in Melb, I realize is a hard slog for travel, but look at us country folk. I will drive (and have) 4 hours because it is about location.

About the kisses, I just dont know. I have been here one year now (minus time off for good behaviour) and have received numerous kisses. I have sent out a few, and only had two positive replies. It is hard to remain positive, but as I have said in the past, it is like going for a job - we dont always get the one we want.

I am grateful for the blogs as well, coz it is like coming home to old friends which is why I am posting this at 6.05 am instead of having breakfast!

Peaceful, check out "female dater" pls.

Any way, another sunny day S xx

Posted by: shazzam5 at February 2, 2012 7:34 AM

Okay Peaceful

Before I look for the book do you think that what I was talking about with the colours would be the same as auras around people as the colours I was talking about was to do with the room.

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at February 1, 2012 11:59 PM

I'm with theotherhotredhead- please advise how to remain positive on RSVP! In my time on here I've received 3 kisses- one from a boy 10 years younger, one from a man 20 years older and a lovely one from a fellow blogger as encouragement!
In the same time I've sent about 25 kisses and about half have responded- all with thanks but no thanks!
I understand I'm no supermodel & a smoker but I have contacted fellow smokers that are within my looks range! The numbers game isn't working in my favour!

Em (looking forward to Fridays RSVP event- pin them down in person!!)

Posted by: justem at February 1, 2012 8:14 PM

Hi, TRN1.
Off-topic but here is the short answer. Yes, it does happen and the best way to keep it going so that you can 'study' it a bit more is to only slightly open your eyes/.

There is a book called, "Colours Of The Aura", by S. G. J. Ouseley, a small, yellow-covered paperback, that has the meanings and indications of the various colours listed in it. If you can't find it, let me know and I will try to get a lsit of the colours and their meanings to you

You can also find various versions scattered about the 'net.

Hope this helps.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at February 1, 2012 3:23 PM

Hi all can I interupt the chain of thought ant get back to the possitive mindset because I think I am all positived out at the moment. Yes I know I am in that invisible age group and a lot of men my age want some one 35 years old for what ever reason but surely there has to be someone out there who gets that you actually have to put in just a little effort as well. Some words of advise from more experienced RSVP members would be appreciated.

Posted by: theotherhotredhead at January 30, 2012 9:51 PM

Hi peacefulsixty

I read one of your posts about aura's. I don't know much about the subject but have heard about them. I am neither a believer nor a non-believer but I have a question:

Do you know anything about seeing colours when you first open your eyes say from sleep, like the room having a coloured glow and if so what do each of the colours mean?

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at January 29, 2012 3:16 PM

When are we going to hear all about the latest blogger meeting? Please post on one of the blogs so we can drool! After all, it keeps us all feeling positive!

Posted by: singlejoy at January 29, 2012 2:40 PM

Thanks singlejoy

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at January 29, 2012 11:29 AM

Timesrightnow, next time you come down to Sydney let us know and you can join OUR TABLE. We'd love to have you join us and enjoy our sense of fun. We all have a positive mindset.
ciao, G.

Posted by: imgina at January 29, 2012 10:41 AM

re timesrightnow
Hi there trn, you can block these people easily so they can no longer see your profile or contact you. Just go to their profile, and go right to the bottom of the page. You will see a number of choices, one of which is BLOCK. Hit that and voila...no more pesky stuff from them.

Posted by: singlejoy at January 28, 2012 10:05 PM

All you Sydney siders sound heaps of fun I wish I had been able to join you but I am too far away.

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at January 28, 2012 9:48 PM

blueeyedgirl9 at January 23, 2012 8:22 AM

You go girl, don't let anyone get you down.

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at January 28, 2012 9:36 PM

hellosunshine2011 at January 22, 2012 12:58 PM
I know where you are coming from. The very first emails that I replied to were rather un pleasant one insisting that he come over to my place straight away and to have coffee waiting, of course I declined and did not give him mt address. Another much younger and I started talking in a rather personal way and got nasty when I told him he was being too personal need I say there was no more email contact after that. Now that I am back I got another kiss from him today. Freaky or what.

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at January 28, 2012 9:33 PM

lady3152 at January 22, 2012 5:11 PM

Yes I am 50 and have not as yet experienced any changes. There are some women apparently that don't notice any changes except not having to buy certain things from the supermarket every month. I hope I am one of these women that don't have any problems. As far as libido goes though as one of you already said it depends on your mind set as far as sex goes, so if you already have a healthy sexual apatite then it should not change.

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at January 28, 2012 9:32 PM

hellosunshine2011 at January 22, 2012 12:58 PM
I know where you are coming from. The very first emails that I replied to were rather un pleasant one insisting that he come over to my place straight away and to have coffee waiting, of course I declined and did not give him mt address. Another much younger and I started talking in a rather personal way and got nasty when I told him he was being too personal need I say there was no more email contact after that. Now that I am back I got another kiss from him today. Freaky or what.

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at January 28, 2012 9:18 PM

Montychristo 21 Jan

I understand that you can only go by your own experiences but you have not met every female of every age group. To state that women over a certain age are basically all the same in relation to libido is stereotyping. There are certain stereotypes about men over a certain age but you don�t hear women beating the drum. We are all unique in our own way regardless if we are men or women so to judge all by some is really misguided.

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at January 28, 2012 9:03 PM

Have a fun night you guys - only kind possible with LLTD & Big presiding!!!!

cheers,
Barb

p.s. 9 no, make that 10, hmm 11 -12 attempts to post this - you'll probably read it over breakfast! Hope you had a great night.

Posted by: barbaraw at January 27, 2012 7:37 PM

Unfortunately, i cant make tonight but will certainly make it to the next one, please keep me informed. Have fun everyone! xxs

Posted by: softandsweet at January 27, 2012 7:25 PM

Have fun you Sydneysiders! Look forward to hearing all about it! Actually by the time you read this it will be I hope you HAD fun!
For lack of another relevant blog to post this on, I'm wondering if many of you have been to official RSVP events?
I have tickets for an under 40's singles mingle night next week & curious about what they are like! Really hoping my friend and I won't be the only ones in the 30-40 age bracket!
Also when it says 'dress to impress' - well I'm not sure is that just look nice- or wear your best frock?
Any comments on how they have been in the past would be lovely! At least I'll have a friend with me so at worst we can have a drink & chat together! :)
Em- (feeling hopeful)

Posted by: justem at January 27, 2012 6:53 PM

I'm trying hard to maintain a positive mindset even though I'm not going to get together with you Sydney folk tonight! Is it ok to be jealous in these circumstances...or is this the wrong blog...lol.?
Have a really fun night everyone, and have a potato juice or two for me!
Take care SJ

Posted by: singlejoy at January 27, 2012 5:51 PM

Remember though, "Life has no remote. Get up and change it yourself" Posted by LLTD
I love this quote lltd...is it ok with you if I pinch it and use it as my new signature quote?

Posted by: singlejoy at January 27, 2012 5:48 PM

Hi everyone, I've just reserved a table for 12 this evening. Ask at the door for the RSVP table and you'll be directed to us. Or just look for a 6' tall blond-haired valkyrie named lltd!!

softandsweet, I'm aiming to be there about 7.30pm but 8pm is when most are expecting to arrive. I'm almost as hard to miss as lltd. I'm 6'2' tall and solidly built.

big, looking forward to a night out!!

Posted by: thebigman9 at January 27, 2012 5:25 PM

Hello Softandsweet, this may not get posted in time for tonight, but it starts at 8pm and if you are not put off by a very tall brave, brazen short haired blonde, who is willing to be your wing woman for the night, just come over and smile.

You won't be able to miss us, we'll be the loudest crowd there.
Big, will be a beacon of energy, as this will be his first social outing, since the last time I took him dancing, he ended up in ICU...long story, best told over potato juice
Just for you, I will wear an RSVP badge - John dear, I should be on a retainer!

Posted by: ladylikestodance at January 27, 2012 5:07 PM

hi again everyone...i would like to come to the cammeray bowling club this evening what time should i arrive and whom should i ask for?

Posted by: softandsweet at January 27, 2012 2:38 PM

Hi baobabs you sound a little like me yet much younger, I had gone thru a period of rejections as I saw it and it became reflected in my profile. I had to lighten up and bring a little more joy into me profile and it worked. Ladies light well most ladies do ;-)) settling for just joggers and tracksuits can be restrictive. The ladies that you met and managed a second date is positive. Were any open for friendship other than the words, is it possible things were moving too fast and they wanted to slow down? If they are friends ask why they don't think things could progress more. Use those skills you talk about. For me I try not to give blame to other or self, it is just a indicator of where I or the other is at the moment. I hope this helps. Just how I see things.

Posted by: montychristo at January 27, 2012 12:12 PM

I haven't been past the second date in two years now. I keep getting the "let's just be friends" speech. It's kind of embarassing when someone asks why I'm still single -- because I have no idea why. At this point, I think it's time to forget about dating for awhile and just focus on career & travel.

Posted by: baobabs at January 27, 2012 1:19 AM

Hi All!
Not sure if my previous blog went was submitted - so this is a shortened version.

A big thank you to @the bigman9 for the valuable feedback - I have updated my profile & have a smile from your lovely welcome & compliments. :-)

I would be very keen to attend the meeting at Cammeray Golf Club & meet some of the fabulous bloggers here, unfortunately I am busy tomorrow night. Please let me know of any other meetings, as I would like to meet all of you.

All the best & enjoy Cammeray.

Posted by: blueeyedgirl9 at January 27, 2012 12:22 AM

Just dipping my toe in the (blog) water for the first time last week, finding it quite interesting and appreciate the encouragement people offer each other.

I'm one of those with locked photos (and it's been suggested that contributes to the little or no contact history). I live in a small community and well known, therefore locked photos protect my integrity and privacy. You could only imagine the whispered conversations! lol

So, I ask, how hard is it to read a profile, be interested, and ask to see photos???
I'm still convinced it's because I live beyond the city walls and outside the moat where maybe dragons roam.

Posted by: nofictiongirl at January 26, 2012 9:03 PM

Happy Australia Day all and welcome to chocolatelover2, sydneynswlady and blueeyedgirl9. Great contributions, terrific insights, keep them coming.

Now if I may be so bold as to comment on profiles. Blueeyedgirl, in the 'what I'm looking for' you are quite specific in a general sense - affectionate, caring, honest, loyal etc - yet, in the spot where you can actually state what type of man you seek, you have left everything blank. That's okay if you really have no specific type of man in mind but by filling a few of the categories you may have more chance of weeding out a lot of the undesirables, or dickheads as barbaraw so eloquently described them! Great profile photos, what a smile and to me your body shape is no more than average certainly not a bit overweight.

sydneynswlady, unlike blue, your 'Ideal Partner' section has most of the categories filled out but may I suggest you expand the 'About Me' and 'My Interests' sections. Also, unless there's a specific reason for not displaying your photos (personal, security, family, work), I think you'll find you may receive more contact and more positive replies if you post a photo. Men are visual creatures and we like to see straight up who we may want to contact.

chocolatelover2, you can't be serious! Have you really been on here for 4yrs and not found anyone suitable? What is wrong with the men in Geelong and surrounds? My suggestions are a combination of the two above. Expand on the 'About Me' and the 'Ideal Partner' so the male readers are given a better understanding of who and what you're seeking and they also will gain more of an insight into you.

To all three beautiful ladies. Your time will come, hang in there, keep seeking advice from fellow bloggers, get to a meeting (8pm Cammeray Golf Club tomorrow night to the two Sydney ladies), and don't give up He's out there, he may just not have found you yet.

big, about to go for a pool session!!

Posted by: thebigman9 at January 26, 2012 8:54 AM

Bring on the year of the water dragon; wisdom power and abundance to all, in this here cyber loveland.

Remember though, "Life has no remote. Get up and change it yourself"

Posted by: ladylikestodance at January 26, 2012 12:45 AM

Posted by: blueeyedgirl9 at January 24. Here to help hopefully hon! Keep us up to date.
Shaz is ok....in more ways than one!!!!

Posted by: shazzam5 at January 25, 2012 4:04 PM

Thanks for the warm welcomes Unique & Shazzam5 � it is much appreciated! In particular, you have given me food for thought Shaz (I hope you do not mind me calling you that :)) and have subsequently adjusted my perspective appropriately. Perhaps I should have joined these blogs a little sooner?
All the best,
R

Posted by: blueeyedgirl9 at January 24, 2012 7:05 PM

Welcome to all you new people. Enjoy and laugh lots

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 24, 2012 10:19 AM

Welcome to all the new comers who have blogged recently. Montychristo, that was such a heartfelt post and mirrors, what I think some of us have been through. Thankfully, I have never lost a partner, but the grief of separation and or divorce, is not usually easy. Sydneynswlady, like you I wear my heart on my sleeve. I am a glass half full person, but can also be a bit of a warrior. Keep battling on guys, and the right person may come or along or not. As I have read here before, better to have loved and lost - than to love a loser!
Blueeyed Girl, go back to the Negative Mindset blogs and you will see what some of us have posted. I totally agree with John here, keep your standards high and dont settle for what you have never settled for 5,10,25 years ago. Another thing, I have learnt, it is best to be honest how you feel, if they walk away, that is fine but the person who feels the same will understand and be there for you. S xx

Posted by: shazzam5 at January 23, 2012 2:54 PM

Hi sydneynswlady welcome ;-)) good photo, looking good.
Sorry to hear of your encounter with the other kind of man. Do know your main photo is locked yet your other photo is on display?
Good luck in your search.

I'm getting a little cabin fever with this rain. So hanging around the blog.

Posted by: montychristo at January 23, 2012 2:52 PM

Hi all,
My first attempt to comment on this site. I feel for the young lady who is trying to remain positive after some bad experiences with men. I am much older than you chocolatelover2 and I have just had a similar experience recently with a selfish, self absorbed man. It left me bewildered and shocked. It will take me a while to recover and trust again. As you can see it can happen to anyone, no matter what your age. Do not wear your heart on your sleeve (as I did) and keep your chin up. You are an attractive and genuine person, who is worth so much more. Keep trying, so will I. xx

Posted by: sydneynswlady at January 23, 2012 11:28 AM

Hello and welcome chocolatelover2 this can sometimes be a bit out as to reply and time owing to the delay or not of the moderator. Thanks Guys for try to keep us on topic. As from only my personal experience I see that you have lost a partner, the circumstances of that passing have a bearing on our mindset as to wanting another in our life. I have had both a couple of not so nice partings and a passing away that was rewarding (for the joy/ pleasure of the little time we had together and the strength I found in my self during her dying process) yet destroying of who I loved at the same time.

I can only speak for my self and will hark back to this as no two deaths or individuals are the same. My partings divorce and endings of relationships were so different in each case. Yet the same in other ways walking away thinking / believing that I will never give my self to another the same or as much as I did in each of the previous relationships. The looking back and recriminations of how did I let that happen, why did I do that and compromise what I had held for so long. And yes I had compromised for the sake of peace and money / business. Always thinking I could hold the relationship together by giving more and keeping the other happy. Old patterns.

My last relationship and her passing left me with none of the previous not wanting to go there again, the reverse. If we have loved and lost thru circumstances that we had no control of, we are of the minority on the RSVP site. For me and maybe for you Choclatelover2, you enjoyed the time with your partner and wish to have the warm fuzzies and all the good things that you remember. I to was there and wish to repeat and exchange those sensations and more with another. Keep the trust and benefit from what you had and what you have learnt from your last good relationships. Words are cheap actions speak much louder. The up side is better to find out now than further into the relationship.

My exposure has lead to meeting and exchanging emails with a good cross section from all walks of life. The common things that came up for me was the destructive some by the ladies and abusive relations that some of these ladies had come from and repeated. The next big one was the fear of the unknown, of meeting another that was not like where they have been. If time is taken to talk and know each other I found a pattern of parents and sibling with similar pasts and partners.

Where am I going? I can only speak from where I have been as a male that has found that I can speak openly cry when I feel like it, not be as strong as society and business expects.
Be soft and human when I want yet hard and there when the need arises. (Not in the sexual context this time;-))
This may or may not result in a lot of blogs so be it that is what this is for comparing and exchanging, sharing of where and what. Speak from your hearts not from your heads it is so easy to go to the logic at times when your heart aches and you want to blame someone else. What need in us led us to attract what happened? Many times it is easy to offer advice to another while not looking at self. Thank you jrtx38 for your honesty. Keep looking and likes will attract eventually ;-))

Posted by: montychristo at January 23, 2012 10:44 AM

Hi all!

This is my first posting, but I have been following other posts for a little while now and have found them very enlightening.

I have been on rsvp for a few months and have experienced scammers, the users and plenty of di**heads as Barb has posted. The last one did dent my confidence & has led me to revise my profile with more of an emphasis on honesty & integrity. I guess it is just a matter of getting better at sorting the "wheat from the chaff"at the earliest stage possible, but there sure seems to be a heck of a lot of 'chaff' about!

Oh well, I have taken my confidence to the repairer to fix those dents & I am now moving forward again. It is not just what happens to you in life that shapes you - it is also how you choose to react to those events. I choose to move forward and not dwell or remain mired in the past.

Anyway, just sharing on this blog is helping me move forward.

All the best to my fellow bloggers,
Ren

Posted by: blueeyedgirl9 at January 23, 2012 8:22 AM

@ Montechristo, I could have sworn I responded here yesterday but since other comments after I wrote it have been published & mine hasn't I'm guessing it's disappeared! Thank you so much for the feedback on my profile- there are some things I can't change without lying, I do smoke & I am unemployed! I know they can be turnoffs but they are fact!
I am concerned that it comes across as needy, that's the last thing I want- not sure how exactly I do that though! I have changed some of the 'negative' language but I do feel the profile reflects me (other than needy- yuck!)
I've kept the reference to my health as it deals with the unemployment honestly- and shows I'm not just a bum (I hope)
thanks again for your feedback!

@ nofictiongirl thanks for your support! And I've looked at your profile & agree with monty- show off that photo! You are a fine looking lady- use that to your advantage! Otherwise you are quite a catch- any man that won't travel for you is the one missing out! :)

Enjoy your week bloggers (think I'm already an addict)!!

Posted by: justem at January 23, 2012 3:30 AM

Posted by: chocolatelover2 at January 22, 2012 9:49 PM

Welcome to our world!

I've had a peek at your profile and it seems to me that you have every reason to remain positive and trusting. Your tender age and the fact that you are obviously a very attractive and intelligent young woman mean you can afford to sit back and take a breath.

Clearly your biggest task is to recognise the users, abusers and general di**heads who get their jollies prowling dating sites.
I've got them fairly well sussed after the second contact - the scammers are fairly obvious but the users can be harder to recognise.

Having said that, I think you'll find that the overwhelming majority of people on RSVP are here for the same reasons as you. Learn from the unpleasant ones, discard them and trust your instincts.

Look forward to more blogs informing us of your successful meets.

cheers,
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at January 23, 2012 12:18 AM

Thank you montychristo
A voice of reason that resonated with my own but I did not value myself enough to follow my own counsel.
I have counselled others in the same position to think themselves protected by a higher power if they had to strength to walk away and have not been able to do it for myself. I will work on it.
Good luck in your search. May the Chinese Year of the Dragon augur well for everyone.

Posted by: jrtx38 at January 22, 2012 11:37 PM

I'm hearing you chocolatelover2 ... i got no answer sorry, but understand where you are at.
Rodin

Posted by: rodinsthinker72 at January 22, 2012 10:29 PM

Hi all
My first blog :)
Since I have been on and off this this site for the past four years I guess at this point I am finding it difficult to remain positive. Especially with recent experiences of meeting some big time players including one that was bringing women into his life in order to validate his own desirability to be the "best man" for the woman he truly loved. Basically the rest of us were test/practice cases....
Just do not understand how people can not have any consideration that they may be hurting others? Or are just so self absorbed.
Any tips on how to remain positive?

Posted by: chocolatelover2 at January 22, 2012 9:49 PM

Hi nofictiongirl i checked out your profile:-))
you have the mail photo locked yet the other photos on display? I found when I started that the locked photos were counter productive and didn't get many hits from the ladies. I next displayed the main photo of the time, I rotate them or add new as I remember or someone takes a shot. The photo on display increased thru traffic by 3 all on display and seems to work for me with plenty of lookers even if the distant ones well out of travel range. Just what works for me. Good luck in your search, from a fellow country person.

Posted by: montychristo at January 22, 2012 8:45 PM

Hello Ms jrx38 some guys and some ladies cannot fully give of them selves as to committing to another. For me it has been a case of no long term plans with such a person. Either walk away and accept that is how they are or enjoy the moment with no expectations. I chose walk away the highs and lows were just not worth it, less destructive being by myself. I could see that I was starting to blame myself almost like the abused partner blaming them self for the others actions. How I survived and was able to move on. No blame just how things are with some folk.

Posted by: montychristo at January 22, 2012 8:37 PM

Just reading some of these posts. Monty, I get where you are coming from, there are some women who just want sex just as there are men who only want one night stands. There are players and scammers on all sites. It is all a risk.
Tony132, I am 52 and still haven't gone through Menopause, my mother didn't til she was 60. But we are a long lived family : ) as for Libido, mine is still very fine thanks, just haven't the means to do anything about it so I exercise and garden! : ) And I find as many things to think about and takepart in as I can. Smiles to you, M

Posted by: lady3152 at January 22, 2012 5:11 PM

Hardly destructive Monty, unless you're made of glass. Merely a comment on what appeared, to me, to be an anomaly in your post. As for WTF on a different post, you would need to be more specific - I don't keep track of every comment on every post.

cheers,
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at January 22, 2012 4:47 PM

Just wondering. What makes it so hard for a man who has said all the right things and done the right things to commit? Has he been lying then? How else can I put a reason to this?
Does a man say all these wonderful things (words like perfection too) with impunity, knowing he will not deliver in the end? How is this person wired?
Any suggestions as to how I can bring this to conclusion or do I just walk away?

Posted by: jrtx38 at January 22, 2012 4:45 PM

hellosunshine : I'm not someone who would ever do that, but from a mans perspective, i might be able to offer some insight.... It doesn't always mean that men are just after sex, as men, we can sometimes be deathly afraid of 'the friends zone' (movies don't help) and feel we have to maintain a 'sexual' tone to the relationship from the word go to steer things in the right direction, men can also feel more comfortable when they get a positive response to this as we're not quite as intuitive as woman and can't always pick up on the more subtle signs than she is attracted. (on the other hand, I'm sure some men are just after sex).....

In my experience also, some woman do like sexual banter after only a first meeting if things have gone well, where some would running screaming for their bible :) So perhaps a lot depends on the previous experiences these men have had?

Posted by: damiannz at January 22, 2012 4:20 PM

I agree "justem"! Try living in the country - seems like I might as well be on another planet.Seems like more than 10km is just too much to contemplate. Start to really doubt yourself.
Oh, by the way, I've checked out your profile and photos - and they are the ones missing out! Hang in there.

Posted by: nofictiongirl at January 22, 2012 3:34 PM

Hi Monty, seems the girls disagree on some of the things you wrote, but your getting plenty of attention from your profile so good luck to you.
Singlejoy, I thought most women had menopause in their late 40's, by the time its over their husbands have headed for the hills and the girls are looking for a fresh relationship. (: ))
I must admit I find the idea of an increasing libido in women as they age a bit surprising. I guess a lot of people who spend their life together and divorce when the kids are gone become revitalised and look for a freshness in their new relationship and a closeness they may not have had for some time. Perhaps that sparks the desire / libido and its not hormonal at all ???

Posted by: tony132 at January 22, 2012 1:00 PM

Until I read the comments here I never would have thought that women come to this site for sex (first date at that)! I must be naive.

I have chatted with a couple of guys who I thought were on this site for love and romance until somehow the conversations started veering towards sex (and this is first time chats). Dont know whether I was wrong when I replied with lighthearted banter coz it may have encouraged them, so anyway, when I thought it was getting too personal I made an excuse to leave the chat. Men like these should just go to sex sites, there's plenty enough of them out there!

Posted by: hellosunshine2011 at January 22, 2012 12:58 PM

Hi, Montychristo, I accidently clicked on the blog and found it is interesting to see all comments. I was surprised by your comments. My experience has been, most men want to have physical engagement after first date. They would say why taking so long to have some actions. Seemingly that was the main part they are interested. It is quite opposite to your experience. It is a funny world, this internet. Good luck with your search.

Posted by: sunwindrainearth at January 22, 2012 12:30 PM

A positive mind set: Hi singlejoy. Thanks for your input as to the libido demise. There were a number of other issues that were not disclosed, her sexual past other health issues prior to us meeting in 2005. All and more I didn't think were needed in my disclosure. I fully agree as to variations as to libido both in men and women as we get older. The other is the male andropause and its effect on self and the relationship, mine and my then wife (happened) very close to each other not a happy little house hold. I was 45 and she 42 both early for such a thing. We both found after we had stabilized as much as can be said for our relationship we both had a very healthy sex life. This on my part has carried on with each of my new partners. Be or having a good understanding of each others bodies and how and what works with each other, as we are each individuals with different responses at times. The interesting side to this as we get older the female needs to be more elastic and the male needs to more rigid ;-)). That is how marketing portrays it, taping into self doubt and expectations. My reawakening was the tantric logic of my forgotten youth, not goal orientated and being with an equal giving partner without fear and judgment or expectations, enjoying the time together for what it was. A loving exchange of energy while bonding. Just how I see it.

Posted by: montychristo at January 22, 2012 10:39 AM

Keeping the positive going:
Hi Justem just with a quick look at your profile and the non contact. Your in an area of a lot of competition would that be right? What came up for me from the male point of view even if from a much older than your ideal: You mention a lot of negatives in your profile, sarcastic, wording is needy, rescue, saving, foot in mouth, smoker, unemployed and health issues less pointing out what your not. How does this feel for you..

With out losing your identity and compromising who you are, it's all in how you write it phrase them less confronting for the male audience. Marketing is all part of the game if you want responses. Invite them in first. I hope this helps, Cheers.

Posted by: montychristo at January 22, 2012 10:00 AM

Monty, don't be too upset about what is said and definitely do not take it personal.
You'll get used to it and find it very educational. You may find that you might be the only one who thinks how you do and what the bloggers are doing (unbeknown to them) is to let us see a different persepective. I do not find this a hostile forum.
I find it quite interesting how other people think. We may not agree with some of what is said but that's fine as we are all different and have different mindset.
I find every 'read' interesting. Some are funny and some are very thought provoking......and, sometimes we want to put our 2 cents worth (if the RSVP moderators think fit - not always up to us).
Justem, now that you are on this forum, you will be getting more females looking into your profile because we want to see who it is that has made those comments. You will get used to it.
Have fun guys. Ciao, G.

Posted by: imgina at January 22, 2012 9:21 AM

In my very short time on RSVP I have to say it is quite hard to keep a positive mindset! I have sent a few kisses to gauge interest and they have all been met with a thanks but no thanks! I also have only received one kiss/contact myself and it was from someone so far out of my matching criteria on every aspect that I wondered if there was an error!

Before joining RSVP I had already been wondering if there actually are any single straight men in my age bracket! Almost joined to find proof of existence!

*trying to think positive*

Posted by: justem at January 22, 2012 3:05 AM

montychristo...interesting profile by the way. I'm sure there will be quite a few ladies in my age group who would strongly disagree with you on the 'libido' demise. In actual fact, I think that libido increases with age, depending on positive experiences. If ladies have had really great sex in their life, then they will definately be quite positive in this regard. If on the other hand they have had many bad experiences they will be rather sceptical. In my experience, most men over 58 are less than able to match it with women with strong libido. Not only are they mostly unfit or overweight or both or just downright lazy or have abused their bodies with alcohol etc.,they have a 'funny' attitude and can't get a handle on what a modern day woman wants. There's help at hand for men with various pills and potions, but the best boost to a ladies libido is experiencing really great sex with a partner who is able, willing, and extremely well informed about women. It never ceases to amaze me that the 'boomers' I have dated or had as partners are still about 30 years and a generation behind the thinking of women on this subject. What is it about the 'boomer' men that makes them so ultra-conservative and reluctant to change? We are the generation who started the ball rolling on sex and who 'tried' to change the world, not necessarily with much success. One other point I'll make here is: women between 50-55 are usually hitting menopause. That can be bad timing if men want women in that group. But like everything else in life, this too shall pass! I was lucky enough to hit menopause at 40! By the way, I agree that long-distance relationships are just too difficult.

Posted by: singlejoy at January 22, 2012 12:33 AM

What interesting comments and reaction to me sharing in a light manner.
At least it is a level above your WTF on another topic.

For you I will share a little of where I have been. I do not want your sympathy or expect your understanding: My last long term partner passed away in May 2010. We received the prognosis on the 24th of December 2009, not a great Xmas present.
Yes she was 7 yrs older than I. And yes her libido had diminished prior to the onset of the cancer and her abstaining from any hormone supplement. This did not diminish my love and devotion during the 5mnths I nursed her at home. There are many more details re the hormone and my life and experiences that should not be put into an open hostile forum.

For me the cases of women expecting sex on meeting came up during the emails and phone conversations prior to our meetings. I have had physical bonk budgies in the past and have moved on from that. I need more than empty physical relief.

It would appear if I do not adhere to your experiences or way of thought should I expect destructive criticism? What happened to an open forum or is this for the few?

Just what works for me, each to his or her own choices.

Posted by: montychristo at January 22, 2012 12:25 AM

Posted by: montychristo at January 21, 2012 7:40 PM

"(I) know of ladies as they get older and demise of libido."

"I am receiving kisses and emails from ladies that want sex on the first date."

Hmmm... make up your mind.

cheers,
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at January 21, 2012 8:28 PM

Hi all �Maintaining a positive mindset� the plot thickens. I live in the far north coast of NSW being 62 I set my possible search age for the ladies 55 to 64. My reason for this age limitations mine and their, my previous partners have been up to 10yrs younger than I and my last long term partner 7yrs older. That was in the past, 7yrs ago and being the realist that I am, know of ladies as they get older and demise of libido. Also the physical
capabilities of the optimistic male. Open to being pleasantly surprised on this matter ;-)).

I have been active with the odd break to see if there is a future or not with contacts for 18mnths. The number of active (within the last month) ladies that fall in my age group is small 65 within 75klms, of those some do not appeal to me (be it profile photo or both) we are now down to 35 at best my contact response is 100%. In my time on RSVP I have received and sent a lot of kisses / emails and conducted many phone calls, also met upward of 40 ladies. I find now that I am receiving kisses and emails from ladies that want sex on the first date. This has been confirmed with the first phone call. What is a poor bloke to due? Others do not live in Australia at the moment and may or may not return in the near future (Social justice or other areas of employment with options to extend). Plus the wild card of the stamp collector that responds in the positive (Yes I�m waiting for your email) yet does not respond at all ;-((.

Extend my search area you say: I have had two distant relationships in my past, I do not wish to repeat that at this time in my life. My option�s at the moment is to be very cautious as to who I contact or respond to and be extra careful with my first emails to keep the ball (as they say) rolling and not scare the horses. While not lowering my standards in my wanted/wish list.
Optimistically / Positively Yours ;- )).

Posted by: montychristo at January 21, 2012 7:40 PM

Hey Sweetlillee

good to see you're chilled gf :-)

Just remember he'll be unique because he'll be exactly who he is.

Btw everyone, I might be single by Monday lol

Its been fantastic and the experience was indeed beautiful. Unfortunate that he didn't think he was good enough but sometimes, that's just the way the cookie crumbles no matter HOW much one might love another unconditionally

My only wish is that you are all READY for what you receive.

Is anyone READY out there??? I will update on Monday lol

Where the party at? lol

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 20, 2012 11:14 PM

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 18, 2012 6:33 PM

Lol ... I know your "busy" gf. ;) Hope country boy knows what a lucky man he is :) x

In regards to me "loosening up" lol .. Im pretty chillaxed babe and yes I feel great .. oops sorry IT ... I meant IT feels great. :p

Now back to my search .. I'v decided I need to find my very own "Unique one" only clearly of the opposite gender .. do you have a brother by any chance? :)

Stay happy :) x

Posted by: sweeetlillee at January 20, 2012 8:27 AM

Amber

yes he was speaking from the heart - and like many of us, just wanted to be accepted and loved for who he is AS HE IS.

Lucky guy met ME lol - and we're enjoying what we have WHILE we have it. And what we have is beautiful

He says he loves me for who I am and to never change lol. I of course know that I won't - unless it makes me a better person. God I'm rambling on about nothing. This is because its that time of the month lol

He's just a REAL down to earth country boy who says what he means and means what he says - teaching me one of the lessons I need to learn

Not to read too much into something lol - not to see what isn't there and to clarify more on what he's saying and where HE'S coming from

Cos it ain't ALWAYS gonna be about ME

lol what is this blog about again?

And Sweetlillee you sexy little kitten lol you do know why I hardly post my crap don't ya?

Its cos I'm otherwise occupied wink wink

Hahaha

Loving how you've started loosening up a little hehe you naughty girl lol

Does it feel great?

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 18, 2012 6:33 PM

So, PD I'm perving on the nurses am I? I'll have you know that's a completely, false, misleading, inflammatory and derogatory statement and I'm highly offended!!

big, just back from a good, hard exercise session in the pool!!

I'm actually perving on the OTs and Physios, hahahahahaha.

Posted by: thebigman9 at January 18, 2012 4:35 PM

Posted by: damiannz at January 17, 2012 1:51 PM

"......smart' blind dates than anything else, with no expectations, there is just too much you don't know over the internet."

I agree with you here.
i do like to email a few times to get a feeling about the person and their ideas/values etc to see if I would like to meet (due to my son, time constraints and distance from Adelaide)
So I am not keen to meet if there seems to be no inkling of any mutual 'connection'.
There seems no point to me.

But even if there is - I am not an email for weeks and weeks person nowadays.
I don't want to email someone for weeks and weeks - get ridiculous hopes up -and then find that to other people he is dismissive and rude or he ogles every good-looking woman in the room or he looks exactly like my father, brother or that creepy guy who gave me such a hard time in my first job.
That to me is just setting yourself up for disappointment.

Because no matter how amazing he comes across in photos or on paper - he may look and be quite different in real life!

If some guy wants to email me for weeks and weeks - no matter how well we seem to be getting on - if he resists meeting after you both seem to feel comfortable with each other - I start wondering what is it that he has to hide?
Is he married or partnered? Was the photo you responded to really his photo? Is he writing you all those emails or is someone else writing them for him?
Is he even a man?

There are no identity checks to register a profile on a dating site - they believe what you tell them.
Which is why so many people get deceived and emotionally hurt - or even worse.

As you say Damian - how do you know until you meet someone - if they are, who they say they are?
And even after meeting them face-to-face - the journey of discovery is really only just beginning.

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 18, 2012 11:34 AM

Hey JAE (Icy),
How's the pedalling going? I think you guys/gals are very brave - there is no way I could ride with a truck whizzing past ME on the open road!
The Tour Down Under is on in SA at present. I think the footage last night on TV pretty much shows how little population we have out here and how narrow and bike unfriendly some of our major roads can be!

Yep still here on RSVP - live too far from the Adelaide metro for most men I think - and there are not very many single ones close by - so if it's a numbers game as some like to say..........:)

Back to work next week full-time - after several weeks off post major surgery (nothing too serious)
But I haven't been able to do those heavier jobs around the house and back-yard that I could have done in such a long break WITHOUT surgery - so I have had way too much time for blogging.
I certainly won't have much time for blogging now!

I have changed jobs, but not who I work for - so will be able to visit several other workplaces, learn new skills and meet new people - which is always an interesting and positive thing to do.

So how are things with you?

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 18, 2012 10:57 AM

Well...

I think that for those who think they're generally positive, that the challenge here is maintaining a positive mindset when experiencing situations that are difficult to maintain it in eg

Relationship difficulties

it isn't easy NOT to think the worst or to assume that the same shit as before is gonna happen... We've all been to Hell and back (compliments to those who haven't)..

See the only real way to find out whether we CAN maintain during the hard times is to see - when we get there...

Imo its a combination of being aware of what's REALLY going on and LOOKING AT IT in a way that will allow us to process it. That simply means that we allow ourselves to FEEL whatever we feel (even if its negative - its all process)

The key to maintaining lies in realising that everything we experience has the same opportunity to come and go along its merry way - how LONG we wanna hold on to, or repeat the destructive patterns of the past is a choice

A choice of whether we REALLY want to FEEL happy

OR NOT

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 18, 2012 6:44 AM

Hi Icy, good to see you but sad you are back on here too.

Still looking.......

PD (Alove) x

Posted by: parisdreamer at January 17, 2012 7:22 PM

amber : I think sometimes people put up flattering 'glamour' shots that can be out of date or on an interesting angle that just doesn't reflect the experience of the person you meet, although on the flip side, many people seem to have 'interesting' ideas about what their most attractive features are and can use photos that really don't look great to me, but on meeting them I may find them attractive.

some dating sites do have a simple list of photos that makes it a little more focused on the picture and less on the content.

At the end of the day though, my experience is most online communication is swiftly superseded in a meeting in person and consider this as more a way of setting up 'smart' blind dates than anything else, with no expectations, there is just too much you don't know over the internet.

Posted by: damiannz at January 17, 2012 1:51 PM

Hi Paris and Amber. Icy here just under a new name - to protect the innocent (or guilty maybe).

Sorry to see you ladies are still here if you know what I mean. I hope you're both well.

Cheers JAE (aka Icy)

P.S. I see they still haven't fixed the stupid registration problem before commenting.

Posted by: justaddespresso at January 17, 2012 1:10 PM

The content of a persons profile is very important.
It doesnt need to be long winded.
It needs to be honest and reflect who you are.
Some people clearly believe where they have traveled and what they do is who they are. They need to look deeper.. or not... Like will attract like. If you are looking for depth you will find it in alot of profiles .. if you are looking for .. umm not so deep .. you will find that in a whole lot more.

Damo Im not stalking you lol .. I keep forgetting that I have already looked to put a face to your posts .. Iv a bad memory for names. sorry :)

Unique .. I think I love you!! .. lol .. stay happy and keep posting .. I miss reading your crap when your too quiet. :p

:) xx

Posted by: sweeetlillee at January 17, 2012 12:42 PM

My experience in life, as well as my perception looking at those around me and those who are known to me is that looks are a priority to most, and I'm talking 90% of people. In sport they say a good big man will always beat a small good man. This can be re-worked as a good looking nice person will have far many more options than a nice less attractive person. Indeed a less attractive person sets their sights lower than an attractive person unless they have an ace in the hole such as big $ which makes the person more attractive to many. We all note the glamours hanging off the arms of successful or wealthy people. I'm not saying these good looking arm hangers are not necessarily nice people indeed they may be quite lovely it's just that a less attractive lovely person would likely not be considered by the wealthy or successful person for the previously stated reason. In my view this does not make the person opting for someone more attractive shallow, why would you not all things being equal...which they never are.
I also believe that there are many men on rsvp who 'kiss' every woman they can on the basis of the law of averages. That is why many women note that those 'kissing' them must not have read their profile. They haven't and, again, these blokes are not looking for a long term relationship just a fling. I have mates who have used this method with more success than you might imagine. I don't get it myself however there are obviously plenty of women who also are partial to a fling. That is my personal experience as well.
My final offering is that, at the end of the day, we all find quiet confidence attractive and someone with this attribute is generally more attractive to others than perhaps they would otherwise appear to us.

Posted by: asitis09 at January 17, 2012 11:37 AM

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 16, 2012 8:34 PM

Well Unique - Sounds like he was speaking from his heart and he simply said what he was looking for.
He wasn't trying to impress or be 'fake' or say clever things to sound overly sophisticated, upmarket, smart-*rse or worldly.
And that is pretty impressive to women - well those looking for realness and honesty I think.

So great stuff - I hope it all works out :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 17, 2012 10:31 AM

Well I kind of agree with you Unique and Damian,
On RSVP if men have bothered to send an EMAIL - it is usually based on both.

But judging by many of the KISSES I get - I'd say no.
I think if you reply positively - that's when most people will read your profile properly.
Will they/won't they spend that stamp e.g. are you worth it?

Which is why so many people get confused when they send back a positive reply and then hear nothing back..

Judging by some of the replies I have got (or haven't got) when I have spent the stamp - I'd say they haven't bothered to read my profile either.

On the free dating sites - hardly any men read profiles before initially contacting you.
How do I know? I ask them :)

Damian why do you think it is that the 3D person you meet doesn't much resemble their photo?
I haven't yet met anyone yet who looks
completely unlike their photo - although at times they have cribbed quite a few years I think :)

Is it because some are 'glamour' shots taken professionally or that some people just take such awful photos and put them on their profiles late at night?

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 17, 2012 7:33 AM

amberlightrose : I'd have to disagree, my experience has been that a lot of people don't resemble their photos very much in "3D". (some look better, some look worse), so I'm actually more interested in the content of the profile. Plus it provides something to start talking about.

Sometimes admittedly I will not wink/message somebody because i feel from their photo I wouldn't be attracted to them, but I would rarely message somebody just because of their photo.

Posted by: damiannz at January 17, 2012 12:44 AM

Yep Amber, I knew that, I keep in touch with Biggie.

PS.... he's faking, he's just perving on the nurses in there!!

Oh, now I want to know how when I hid my profile so I could fix the typos etc I still got sent a kiss and now I see there has been guys looking tonight! I logged out and did a search on my name but I can't find me (lol - maybe that's my problem) so how on earth can they still be viewing me!

Not so sure I want to be back on here so I will lurk for a short time...

PD (Alove) x

Posted by: parisdreamer at January 16, 2012 10:07 PM

Amber et al

yes it does matter what we write - to the men who are looking for depth, spirituality, connection on several levels etc. etc. People like me are looking for people who can melt their true character in such a way on to a page so that it strikes the very core of my being

bloody hell lol... here we go lol
yes i'm still hooked up and am not looking :-)

sometimes i have felt naughty, other times i have felt cheeky, other times i have felt philosophical, other times i have felt dirty, and other times i have felt like portraying myself as the TAKE NO SHIT type hahaha

i am ALL OF THOSE THINGS and have come across that way in every profile i've written... a bit of naughty, a bit of spice, a bit of fierce, a bit of sensual, a bit of challenging blah blah blah

guess which profile got the most attention lol

the one that shows me as UNAFRAID - everything... somehow it intrigues and mystifies when we are not afraid to be EVERYTHING WE ARE...

one of the things i cant stand is the very one-sided reflection people tend to put across (mr nice good fun loving guy)... makes me wanna puke... however in saying that, the profile of the man who stole my heart for the time being said all of about 10 lines - stating that he was a quiet easy going loyal guy who wanted a loving caring woman for a long lasting relationship

hahaha... now how simple was that???

and there i was rambling on about this and that etc.

it matters what we write - no matter how simple or articulated it might be... because what we write is what manifests if its REALLY WHAT WE WANT...

BE POSITIVE PEOPLE..
BE HAPPY...

I've said it before and i'll say it again... everything comes to an end...

The sooner we accept that everything we experience will inevitably come to an end, the sooner we will enjoy the experience while we're IN IT...

mwah xox

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 16, 2012 8:34 PM

PS. PD you do know Biggie has been ill?
Obviously they haven't removed his computer privileges (or tied his arms to the bed!) because he is still very regularly blogging away :)
It's what's probably keeping him sane at the moment.

He put a good explanation of his illness on the "Talk about sex" blog - which until he is back on his feet.......

You know we luv ya Big! :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 16, 2012 12:48 PM

Seriously PD, do you think it really matters WHAT we write?
It is all based on our photo - all of the time.
I am sure for the really serious guys it probably does - but in my area there are very few of those.

I have often thought of just wiping everything off my profile and just writing "Hello Guys - if you want to know anything just ask...."
I really don't think it would make any difference to my response/kiss rate at all :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 16, 2012 11:02 AM

Lol Amber

Don't know why but everything but the guts of my profile has been approved, not sure whether to hide it until it is approved but its still not stopping the kissers! Good lord.......

Now where's Biggie, he's not answering my emails! So jealous, wanted to go to the bloggers meet do in Sydney but start a new job tomorrow...... chucked in the gym job, wasn't getting to the gym for me enough!

Loving the lively banter on the different topics!

PD (Alove) x

Posted by: parisdreamer at January 15, 2012 10:01 PM

Posted by: parisdreamer at January 15, 2012 6:36 PM

Sure do :) xx

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 15, 2012 7:44 PM

Hey Amber, I'm fine..... sadly back here again.....

I didn't visit, I was in the process of putting it back up again and had to turn it off as the "usual suspects" were sending kisses without my profile being up and all photo's approved.....

You know how it is ;-)

PD x

Posted by: parisdreamer at January 15, 2012 6:36 PM

Hello PD,
Noticed you'd visited - how are you? *Waves*

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 15, 2012 6:04 PM

ooouniqueooo : I read that as sex on the train and started to have quite a different view of this entire thread :)

I agree that its unrealistic to expect every date to go well, regardless of any 'chemistry' you may have felt over email or phone, which is a great reason to meet quickly and not give anybody any false expectations. If i meet someone and I feel that I'm not really interested, I like to politely make that clear rather than lead somebody on if I don't see it going anywhere other than bed, which can be fun, but is not the reason i'm here and I make the assumption that thats true of most ladies i meet. And I like to be told, in a nice way of course, when I haven't matched what a woman wants, rather than wait for responses that never come.

I don't know about a six week no sex rule however, this does seem somewhat drastic to me, especially if you were seeing each other more than once every week or two. Six weeks is a long time in our modern high paced world!, But I'd have to agree that sex on a first date is almost always a bad idea when you want something serious going forward.

Posted by: damiannz at January 15, 2012 4:24 PM

Superwoman cheers & giggling @ frangelico's "its just a first meet not a life long commitment"

And another tip:

Go with the flow. Don't be hard & fast. Be flexible & easy-going. That way you won't beat yourself up over breaking rules like sleeping with someone on the first date when you used to say you would NEVER DO THAT

*cough*

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 15, 2012 4:05 PM

For some people the "fake it till they make it" mindset becomes a mainstay for pretty much everything, so much so, that in some cases they become unable to discern the difference... and often actually believe their own hype. Just another good reason to take your time in getting to know somebody.

As for maintaining a positive mindset - well I am all for that (and pretty much who isn't?) so, should it slip (perhaps just a tad???) I find this is a place where great friends are a godsend. Sometimes I may require a hug and bit of love or at other times I may require... something else... (I really didn't want to write a swift kick, but. Lol). Anyway they are able to help me feel better and (more to the point) be better. Good friends are fabulous and may we all have more of them.

Posted by: tinkerbelle57 at January 15, 2012 2:12 PM

Just don't fake YOU KNOW WHAT

Hahaha

sorry just got sex on the brain lol

Advice: don't hate - APPRECIATE

lol

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 15, 2012 12:16 PM

Sorry moderators if I posted that twice accidentally - I got a "moveable type error" which was strange.

Has anyone else noticed that sometimes when you press enter on the blogs - you get a new tab come up with a car advertising web page?

[We only posted it once - thanks for the tip. We do read them and pass them on appropriately. RSVP Moderator.]

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 15, 2012 12:09 PM

Hi Oceanandearth4, Barca6 & Superwoman5,

In my experience Oceanandearth4, guys will often disappear into cyberspace after they realise you are not about to meet them in a few days OR jump into their arms on the first date.
So while they pretend to be interested for a while - once they realise it is very unlikely - they lose interest and find someone else who will.
They don't tell you because it is not your FEELINGS they are worried about :)
So don't take it to heart.

I think nearly everyone goes by a photo Barca6 - whether they like to admit it or not.
But I certainly agree most people do look better in real life than in their photos - simply because so few of us are really photogenic.
If we were - it would be so much easier and photographic models wouldn't get paid as much.

At least since the advent of digital photos we can delete those ones that catch us with our eyes shut or our mouth wide open.
Remember the good old days when you paid to have a whole roll of film developed and found that in all the photos you had spinach in your teeth - which your best friend had just 'forgotten' to tell you about? :)

But I won't 'kiss' a man no matter how amazing his profile is unless he has a photo - simply because i don't want to find on viewing him that he looks almost exactly like my uncle, father or brother - or that sleazy guy who used to pester me when I first started working!

Which is why I find it amazing that so many men have the most grim-faced and unsmiling photos (sometimes they are even just down-right scary or sleazy as well) on their profiles - profiles which say practically nothing about them and then they complain bitterly how women are all shallow and knock back their kisses :)

Well if they feel that way - put up a decent photo of themselves - because i am not keen to see them at their worst - until I at least get to know them and like them - a LOT!
And then here are the guys who have been on here as long as i have and still have the same photo.

Yes while not having any people I know in my immediate circle who have found someone on here and who has ended up in a LTR Suoerwoman, there are people who tell me that they have a friend or a relative who did.
I also know of previous fellow bloggers who met their partners on here as well.
But you are right - it isn't always a quick or an easy process.

So no one expect overnight success - it could happen - if people do it will just frustrate and depress them. And can make them really hostile!
It should be viewed more like a lottery than a certainty :)
It has often taken people several years to get there. So as you say - don't stop living your REAL life :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 15, 2012 12:04 PM

Great comment ooouniqueoo!

Posted by: superwoman5 at January 15, 2012 11:58 AM

Everyone appears to be on the same page here...I have also had many meetings/ dates and the thing is absolutely do not let a bad date or lack of second date affect your self esteem. It just means that this person is not right for you and you are getting closer to someone more compatible...Maintain your sense of humour and sense of realistic expectations..its just a first meeting, not a life long commitment! I always maintain that its also beneficial to meet quite quickly too so that expectations are not unrealistically raised...interesting that I broke this rule recently!?!?!

Posted by: frangelico1960 at January 15, 2012 10:52 AM

This is a great article. Although it can be disheartening when you don't seem to be meeting with any success on this site, I think you do have to remember it's a numbers game and make sure it doesn't rule your life, keep all your other interests going. I joined this site because of how many people I knew personally who have met their 'life' partner on here. Some met them quickly i.e. within 12 months, while a couple were on here for at least 2 years or more, and they are all from different age groups. I am a big believer in making things happen with your thinking, and when you don't feel positive - fake it till you make it :-)

Posted by: superwoman5 at January 14, 2012 10:13 AM

Don't take everything so seriously or so personally :-)

Get rid of the mindset that has you crossing your fingers and hoping that the next person might be THEE ONE

Have fun - laugh and chat about light FUN topics (like the wildest place you've had sex in or the relevance of size Hahaha)

At the end of the day, you can't PRETEND - it will reflect in your profile, your posts, your meets, your interaction with others, your conversation

BE YOURSELF - that makes it ok to be positive negative stupid proper ridiculous naughty dirty cheeky angry judgmental etc etc

:-)

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 14, 2012 7:45 AM

Well,,,, I would really like to know who are the "right or wrong" ones.
How can someone judge someone by a photo, and I bet that is what most people do. You need to talk to a person and get to know them. Of course you have to have some sort of attraction toward them, but you still can't jusge that by a photo. Face it, some people take crappy photos.

And to answer your question "oceanandearth4", yes I also think that is rude.

Posted by: barca6 at January 13, 2012 9:48 PM

Woohoo am the first to post here. This is quite a timely topic as the last few weeks have been feeling not so positive re dating sites. Sent quite a few kisses with a response rate of approx. only 25 %. And the replies thanks but no thanks. Received a birthday stamp and started emailing someone to have them stop with not even an all the best, or a good luck- am I the only one who finds this rude?
I like the idea of blogs as this is probably more real than generally what occurs on the dating site itself.
I am generally a very optimistic person and thinking maybe I need to maintain a positive mindset by throwing fortune to the wind and letting fate dictate my future. Over to you.

Posted by: oceanandearth4 at January 13, 2012 8:16 PM