RSVP Blog

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

My BS and self preservation detector is always on full alert.

The trouble with the instant soul mate syndrome is that once the ripe cherry has been plucked and the forbidden fruits of life tasted, the cherry cannot be repaired to pristine condition. Once the pristine condition is damaged, a fellow instant soul mate syndrome possessing the intact cherry will be reluctant about a union with any shop soiled merchandise.

The reality of life is that like it or not, life moves forward and is too short to accomplish everything we desire. People have to pick what is important in their lives, a destination and go for it. Deviating from the journey just to appease another person is like being a decapitated chicken. You will run around the place with no sense of direction.

If a prospect will not comply with the fundamental principles that constitute a stable civilisation and moral values, let them implode through their inept conduct. Sometimes a gentle push over the cliff accelerates the process. On contact, if enough people put the boot into the undesirables, eventually they will learn to fly a kite then jump over the cliff without a parachute.

Therefore; work out what is important in your life and accomplish it with no regrets.

Posted by: foodieatheart at February 22, 2012 4:24 PM

Thanks guys :)

Not literally I hope Grill :)

Posted by: amberlirose at February 21, 2012 6:57 PM

Amber

Spot on gf!!! My tolerance levels are quite cut throat - and I can do the chopping with a smile (hence the previous nic SmilingAssassine) ... Not enjoyable at all. Just empowering :-)

Haha

Why give people the benefit of the doubt time after time - time is precious and life is too short. WHY WASTE IT ON DRAMA?

Good on you for getting tough girl!!! You could do with a bit more of it so power ups to ya on the journey xox

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at February 21, 2012 1:00 AM

It shows, Amber. Ya got a little bloom goin on there.

I like your plan. You're in charge.

And the awareness, gal. That post on the Amberlight Rose. Pretty.

Good times ahead for you, I reckon.

Now if you'll excuse me I have ladies to kill.

Posted by: grillgambit at February 20, 2012 11:50 PM

Posted by: grillgambit at February 19, 2012 10:30 PM

Thanks Grill - I was healed long ago. It's just that I got a tad dispirited along the way.
Now I am not worrying either way too much at all.
As they say what will be, will be :)

I still have some areas of my life that I need to work on as far as self-respect and getting respect from those around me, is concerned.
I am concentrating on those issues now.

Posted by: amberlirose at February 20, 2012 7:26 PM

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at February 20, 2012 9:07 AM

I agree Unique.
With experience, our tolerance levels decrease and our 'BS meters' get much more fine-tuned, I think.
As soon as the lies and game-playing begins - and it's usually very easy to pick - we just cut our losses and leave calmly - and don't look back.

There are some really lovely, warm, honest and genuine people out there - why waste our time on the indifferent, the game-players and the drama queens?

Posted by: amberlirose at February 20, 2012 7:16 PM

Hi All,
Have changed my profile name. Have taken the 'ght' out of it and am now Amberlirose - as I didn't want to confuse anyone by completely changing my moniker :)

Amberlight is actually the name of a real rose - and I am a rose lover. And let's face it, most rose names are just not all that suitable for a RSVP profile :)
"Sexy Rexy" - well that would just confuse everyone (including me) and "Queen Adelaide"? Well people might think I am 'slightly' deluded I think :)

I don't think Amberlight (the rose) grows well in Australia as it doesn't cope with our heat (a LOT like me I think!) - it does grow I believe, quite well in NZ and Europe.

I had already 'got' the connotations about the "amber-light" bit as being part of my profile name yonks ago - but to be honest I was rather fond of having a real rose's name as my profile name :)

Anyway I'll give having a new name a try - but I don't expect it to be very much different :)
Big was always going on about Redlightrose (wasn't quite sure what he meant by that ) but a red light can be taken either way really - and standing on a corner very underdressed - under a bright red light, really isn't my style :)

Drama? Well I grew up in a family where it was just one drama after another.
My mother's life was always dramatic until she died - and even that involved quite a bit of drama.
My first boyfriend was also very dramatic - we'd have a fight and he'd speed off in his car squealing his tyres loudly - only to come back 15 minutes later to yell some more - and do exactly the same again. Several times over the course of an evening.
It was like relating to a 2 year old at times - except one that drove fast. (No 'hoon legislation' back then!)
And it didn't exactly endear me to the neighbours :)

One thing that I have learned through life experience though, is that there is one thing that is exactly the same about all the drama people in the world - and that is 'surprisingly' that it really is ALL about them.
All they want you around for most of the time, is to be the sympathetic and consoling audience.
Don't ever imagine for a minute they actually care about your feelings or what you think!
And the most amazing thing is that THEY are usually the ones who complain the most about drama.
They usually never 'get' it - that the one common element in their lives that is responsible for nearly all of the drama - is them :)
So they lie to others or refuse to take any responsibility for their actions - and you dare to call them on it - and whammo suddenly YOU are the drama queen :)
Living with someone like this is simply exhausting.

And far less dramatically - for the first time ever, I am going to ignore a kiss after never having done so since joining RSVP (first rime for everything I suppose).
Got a "I'd like to get to know you...." kiss - decided to answer okay and then got the "You send the email.............." one straight back.
Best to just be dignified and pretend I never noticed I think :)

Posted by: amberlirose at February 20, 2012 7:03 PM

Grill

The ability to distinguish between the two becomes easier after you've gone through it a few times lol - the time span lessens, so does the contact...

Some want constant rescuing

Some just keep on rescuing

I think it's good when neither are needed

It's just good to have someone special in our lives that we can close our eyes, feel weak & fall with... And they'll have our back...

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at February 20, 2012 9:07 AM

FoodieAH,

Once again, bang on! Instant soul mate chemistry. The key word is instant. Don't bother with any degree of evaluation - if it isn't instant, it has no value!

Burntabit

Posted by: burntabit at February 19, 2012 11:46 PM

Heh heh, we're all led along by our libidos at times, Amber. Don't bother playing cagey on that topic.

I posted on the matter because I was certain that nobody would make the obvious call on it. And TBH I reckon if anybody heeds my advice on that it'll save them at least six months of pain.

MONA is the Museum of Old and New Art in Hobart and Mothra is a classic Japanese horror movie. My pic is from Kyoto. The subtext of the shots is *God. I'm so nauseatingly Renaissance.*

Thank you for asking.

So. New shots for you, Amber. And a new profile. You've been doing a bit of healing. Well played, Ms Lightrose.

We can talk about profiles in greater detail if you would like. I can give you a bloke's POV on your implied message. The mirror then the little golden light.

On "drama" none of us wants to rescue the pathetic; we want to help someone we admire. It's when we forget the difference between physical attraction and admiration that it all gets messy.

Posted by: grillgambit at February 19, 2012 10:30 PM

Being strung along?

Hmmm - if you got strung along (and who HASN'T?) then it's simple!!!

You got strung along!!! LOL

Big deal - MOVE ON ALREADY :-)

To continually make that claim only stamps you as a victim who foretells their own demise - "I got strung along... AGAIN"

Don't think for one second that it's attractive

Unless there's a rescuer out there who loves rescuing lol... I've certainly been on both sides of the fence and didn't like either :-)

Which is why I now hover... LOL

MODERATORS: Be a good sport ;-)

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at February 19, 2012 7:37 PM

Hey Grill - see you're back again :)
Or could you just not resist advising some poor guy is who it seems is frequently being led along by his 'cord'?

Another great profile BTW. Checked out the Photos. So what exactly is MONA? And Mothra?
They look bizarre but very interesting.

Or do i have to send you an email to find out? :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at February 19, 2012 5:20 PM

All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts - William Shakespeare.

Our ancestors were remarkable people and story tellers. They worked out how to overcome adversity and what makes a society stable and relationships harmoniously successful, then enshrined their knowledge in mystical wisdom, metaphors and stories.

The Quest for the Holy Grail is the foundation stone for all our western romantic spirituality. The golden era of Camelot was destroyed by romantic infidelity; then the Knights of the Round Table sought redemption through the Quest for the Holy Grail. The Grail romances tell of noble quests by the Knights where the Grail is visible to the seeker of redemption, but the seeker cannot see the Grail because of selective perceptive blindness.

Our so called twenty first century, technology enlightened, society believes that it can re-invent our ancestral heritage, abandoned their wisdom and in the process has fallen dismally on its sword.

The reality of life is that living life is a holistic and elegant affair; not a dress rehearsal for farcical theatrics. Bliss and experiencing relationship euphoria is the purpose and the meaning of life. Enjoying la dolce vita to its fullest potential requires maturity, responsibility and commitment to the holistic principles that life has a harmonious purpose.

Too many singles seek instant soul mate chemistry. If only living life is as simplistic as sailing on a romantic Love Boat cruise ship. Life is more like possessing a first class berth on the Titanic maiden voyage. Partnerships thrive and evolve when a well balanced, astute, savvy intelligence prevails. Deviate from the mapped voyage; relationships implode.

Posted by: foodieatheart at February 19, 2012 3:31 PM

Karrathajack, welcome to the blogs. I had a peek at your profile - and was going to kiss you with the blogger's salute "you have a nice profile..." but I was unsuccessful as I'm out of your criteria.

But, back onto your comment regarding being strung along. It had me wondering if some people are actually trying to get to know the other better through multiple dates, rather than make the decision based on an initial meet. Perhaps, after a few dates they are seeing personality traits that beget a hasty withdrawal. The other issue I have found, is time constraints, work pressures and generally life can get in the way. It depends on how deep the connection was.

I have meet many nice gents, with whom I didn't have a connection, but have thought them lovely company and have recruited them as platonic friends. Some have accepted, others are not interested, and that is Ok.

The important thing is to openly and honestly communicate. The choice was theirs to make.

Posted by: ladylikestodance at February 19, 2012 12:04 PM

JackK,

Yes, it happens on both sides, as you will see from the blogs. For both men and women, it comes down to being wary - not suspicious or sceptical but certainly not building up hopes until there has been enough communication to get a reliable picture of the person.

There was an item in The Age in the last few days which reported that women are increasingly using private investigators to check the bona fides of some men. Given the experiences reported by some women on the blogs, this is a wise precaution. The old saying is appropriate: if someone looks too good to be true, they probably aren't!

Just be normally wary.

Burntabit

Posted by: burntabit at February 19, 2012 10:33 AM

Jack, how can a chick string us along unless we're more interested than she is?

If we keep the cord neatly tucked away we can't be treated as pull-along-toys.

A woman finds it a lot easier to manage our blood when it's hot than when it's cold.

If you play a lot colder you'll have a lot more fun, brother.

Posted by: grillgambit at February 19, 2012 9:51 AM

Hi all , I am relatively new to this on-line dating scene, however I have had a few experiences of women "stringing me along"
Frankly I am sick of it.
I suppose this happens on all sides of the fence?
On a lighter subject , their are some terrific ladies out their.
I hope you all find that special someone out their. Everyone deserves happiness.
As for me I focus on the good aspects of any situation - the glass half full rather than the glass half empty.

Posted by: karrathajack at February 19, 2012 12:56 AM

If you get along, and enjoy similar activities, why should age get in the way, at the end of the day, the decade and your life, that companion will be with you if you're suited. Find a therapeutic activity to calm the tension and release the negative energy that "drama" creates. Once you've got your baggage sorted out, be sure to stow it securely in the overhead locker so as to avoid it suddenly dropping on your head or worse, someone else's when the next patch of turbulence hits. William shatner- you'll have time, have a listen, the 24 bar intro can be a little annoying.

Posted by: fearisnotanoption at February 18, 2012 5:25 AM

Hi, Sweetlillee.
I seriously doubt that Our Unique One has many 'No-Go Zones', just some places she has yet gone to see whether she wants to be there or not.

Hi, Tinkerbelle57.
Yep. NEXT - whatever it might be.

Hi, Oh Unique One.
Are you considering giving your new grand-daughter an aunt or uncle younger than she is?

You all have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at February 17, 2012 8:15 PM

Good for you unique, sometimes it's great to throw them "to the wind" and just enjoy where and how you land. Sometimes I do this, although, alternatively (and mostly), I find that reflection works best for me. Just a moment or two, every now and again, to check in with myself, and see how and where my thoughts and/or beliefs are. Are they serving me? Yeap, life is about living, moving forward, accepting and working with the inevitable changes that take place. The peace, the joy and the harmony are ours to find, and enjoy along the way. Choices we get to make.

Posted by: tinkerbelle57 at February 17, 2012 5:02 PM

You have "no go zones" Ms Unique? ;-) xx

Big .. come on back .. you're well missed :)

Posted by: sweeetlillee at February 17, 2012 3:48 PM

Talking of no go zones...

I tend to entertain the thought of entering lol

Like having a baby out of wedlock

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at February 17, 2012 1:44 PM

Gentlemen, I am honoured by your care and concern and yes peaceful, you can continue to breathe easy as I have no intention of donating any of my life to the care, good health and well being of an alleged adult (been there, done that, had some good times...).

As for Bigs comments... Well, I say awesome. Good on him for standing up for me. I appreciate that, and you know, he would have done the same thing for many of us on here. He is a good man, one who stands by his friends and I guess, had my profile still been up you would have been able to see that my preferred age range is 48 - 58 so perhaps none of this would have been said.

The guy in question and I did meet a couple of times (with several months in between) and he did look young, but being from a different ethnic origin the looks can be deceiving (plus I had no reason to consider he lied). I found it really freaky when I realised he was 7years older than my eldest child. That is such a no go zone for me.

Posted by: tinkerbelle57 at February 9, 2012 1:13 PM

Hahaha I can see him poking his head out to see if its all clear lol

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at February 7, 2012 9:07 AM

Hi, Tinkerbelle57.
Do you know where this 'knight in rusty armour' comes from?

I refer specifically to the post from the gentleman who said he was enjoying the third day in a row without rain.

I am not doubting his word for a moment. He has expressed much the same about you as I have garnered from our limited contact. How-wevver, he has spent so much of the last 5 weeks sniping at people and then running back to his bunker that these latest comments seem almost out of character. LOL.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at February 6, 2012 11:56 PM

Peaceful

Love your sense of humour lol however sometimes its the other way round.

These younger ones want to serve US

I am certainly enjoying being on the receiving end (in more ways than one) but then anyone who knows me well would also know that I give just as good as I get lol

Beautiful when the giving is mutual

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at February 6, 2012 10:32 PM

peaceful, don't be too quick to judge. tinkerbelle is the gentlest, most centred-woman I know and she certainly wouldn't have any trouble keeping up with a much, younger man. She most definitely does not look her age, that is for certain. I suggest he might be the one struggling with the age difference!

big, enjoying the third day in a row without rain!!

Posted by: thebigman9 at February 6, 2012 10:54 AM

Hi, Tinkerbelle57.
I have just caught up with your Jan 30, 7.39pm post.

Quote:
"Anyway, later I found out that he was 37, and now I wonder if perhaps he may have been even younger? I don't know any guys in that age range so I can't gauge it but gee I would like to." Unquote.

I suspect that you have already raised a family and that they have mostly flown the nest. Haven't you done enough 'mothering' yet? LOL.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at February 4, 2012 9:04 AM

Peaceful

lol well this is also true!

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at February 1, 2012 3:51 PM

Hi, Oh Unique One.
One word = history.

NEXT.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at February 1, 2012 7:16 AM

How would you all describe an overly dramatic person?

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 31, 2012 10:01 PM

Hey parisdreamer I find "truthfulness such an attractive feature in a person" and I too dislike being deceived. I was receiving contact (emails, phone calls) from a guy whose profile stated that he was 41. I considered this too young for me as I am 54 but was happy to "talk" for we shared a lot of common interests. He indicated that he was open to another type of "arrangement" and had had two previous long term relationships with older women. Over the course of our conversations there seamed to be gaps in his life and he appeared rather "young" but I put this down to the fact that he hadn't raised kids. Anyway, later I found out that he was 37, and now I wonder if perhaps he may have been even younger? I don't know any guys in that age range so I can't gauge it but gee I would like to.

Posted by: tinkerbelle57 at January 30, 2012 7:39 PM

Belated Happy Birthday SJ :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 29, 2012 5:56 PM

Hi Amber,
It was his pics that were totally different to how he now looks, they must have been old ones from when he was active. I actually walked straight past him as I didn't recognise him, he got up and came and got me. I don't feel nearly 48 and I've been told I don't look it, he was a year older than me and I'd say has lived a hard life if that is his true age.

I say it as it is and hope that people's descriptions of themselves are accurate. I'm hoping to meet someone with similar interests as my fitness and challenges are so important to me. Upon chatting it appeared that he hadn't been involved in similar stuff for quite some time.... although he did go to the gym but admitted he'd happily change that for the right person, i.e. give it up. I wouldn't but that is just me. Either you have a true passion for something or you are just stringing words together to hopefully attract somene.

Truthfulness is such an attractive feature in a person, I don't like being deceived. Oh well, next!

PD x

Posted by: parisdreamer at January 29, 2012 5:25 PM

Posted by: parisdreamer at January 28, 2012 10:47 PM

Hi PD,
Seems some people describe how they would LIKE to be - or how they prefer to remember themselves - rather than who they really are now.

Which is very sad really when you think about it - because it makes finding someone who is really suitable for them almost impossible to find.
I bet he overlooks women who would be just right for him NOW chasing this ongoing fantasy.

Better luck next time.

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 29, 2012 11:30 AM

Posted by: parisdreamer at January 28, Dont you just hate that. I am always amazed at guys who are 6 feet tall on their profile, and 5'8" when you meet them. You cant really disguise that one!! I actually blurted out once "jeez you must have shrunk" upon first meeting a guy. We both laughed.

SJ, Happy Birthday for yesterday. And you are correct. If he cant make time for you, he cant expect to click his fingers when he is ready. Weather update....still raining. Big storm early this morning. S xx

Posted by: shazzam5 at January 29, 2012 9:44 AM

Luck was needed Shazzam......

I know men say the same thing but please please please use recent photo's and if you say your into fitness in a big way, is that today or 10 years ago.....

That is why I am so specific in my profile - guess some guys are selective readers.

Next!!!

PD x

Posted by: parisdreamer at January 28, 2012 10:47 PM

Hi Sth Yarra,
I think your profile reads really well and says a lot about you. I had to look twice at "around the tan" though!
I personally think its best to write the profile in the style that most befits your personality, so that when you meet someone that is interested, there is a synergy between your profile and you...its good to get advice but self critique is best. I feel complimented when men tell me that Im very much like or better than my profile....we dont all want to be clones of each other. Vive la difference!
Frangelico

Posted by: frangelico1960 at January 28, 2012 7:39 PM

Posted by: southyarrav at January 28, 2012 6:06 PM

And despite my better judgement I offer this. Do we overthink our profiles? I think so. Your profile reads to me like a CV. If that's how you are that's how you are. Someone who appreciates that may contact you. At the end of the day I would say your profile is fine, if a little lacking in warmth, however you may want to consider your pic. 3-4 is better than one and certainly the profile pic should be sans sunnies and perhaps a smile more than a slight turning of corner of the lips. Just my thoughts wishing you all the very best

Posted by: asitis09 at January 28, 2012 7:29 PM

Hi Southyarrav

I am fairly new too. Joined towards the end of last year commented on a few blogs then hide my profile while I finished my studies. I was on RSVP approximately 4 years ago but only for a few months. I didn't date anyone as far as a date but did have a ball on the bloggs and met some fantastic people on the blogs who may now be attached, who know�s. Left RSVP to continue with studies. Now that I have no finished my last course I intend to hang in here to meet others. I looked at your profile as you requested that we did. It looks okay, can't think of anything myself.

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at January 28, 2012 7:16 PM

Hi southyarrav, I looked at your profile, and found it to be quite nice. Maybe you could lighten up a bit, but you are straight to the point, and the only thing I would suggest is that you add some more pics. You say exactly what you want and speak about your interests and values. Good luck on this site! Some of us who view profiles on the blogs send kisses telling you you have a great profile, and all the best. The reply is easy to find, 'thanks, I wish you well in your search'. Some new people get a fright, and send, 'I don't want to have contact...' etc. Don't be alarmed if you see these kisses. They are meant to be possitive encouragement. Enjoy your stay with us., SJ

Posted by: singlejoy at January 28, 2012 6:56 PM

Posted by: southyarrav at January 28, Hi, I mostly try to help out here. Welcome, I think it is a bit wordy, and tells a fair bit about yourself. Try reading some constructive critiques in the other blogs. In Positive Mind Set and others, there have been some helpful tips.

Correct Paris, she is my best friend and my radar at times! Good luck S xx

Posted by: shazzam5 at January 28, 2012 6:55 PM

Posted by: superwoman5 at January 27, 2012 9:41 AM

Well, I don't usually offer comment on others profiles as I can only give an opinion which may not concur with what you are trying to convey. However, I will say that some others belief that you mentioning fitness too much may scare off potentials to me means it may scare off the potentials that don't really suit your lifestyle. Quite frankly many people describe themselves as athletic or sporty when all they do is walk, the occassional jog or some very social sport. To me this is average and someone into fitness and sport is more intensly into it than that. If that is you then leave, your profile, I reckon. If the reality is that you just walk etc then change it. As for the rest you are an attractive lady so your only problem is the size of the town in which you live. Makes it that much harder. All the best.

Posted by: asitis09 at January 28, 2012 6:37 PM

Hi frangelico and others. I am new to RSVP and enjoyed reading your profiles. I would really appreciate it if you could look mine over and advise. Is it too long / serious etc? Many thanks

Posted by: southyarrav at January 28, 2012 6:06 PM

Hey Superwoman, I think it's a great profile, I also have a huge love of fitness and have specifically put that in my about me and what I'm looking for sections as that is what I really want, someone with a bit of oomph and not a couch potato. This time around I'm getting kisses from men that match my criteria.

If it is who you are then honesty is best. I'm not a good critic of profiles and do read a few as I peek at the bloggers profiles to match a face to the comments. There are some really good ones there and it is so nice that people are helping each other with minor amendments.

I do have to say Shazzam5 love your pic with your furry friend, obviously an animal lover.

Best get ready... a first meet shortly with an adrenaline junkie!

PD x

Posted by: parisdreamer at January 28, 2012 4:24 PM

Hi Superwoman, I think your profile reads well and you clearly are a fit gal looking for a fit guy, I tend to sometimes overanalyse too and am working on that...not something I think I would admit to in a profile if it isnt a prime trait though. All the best.
Frangelico

Posted by: frangelico1960 at January 28, 2012 3:15 PM

Supewoman5, Welcome. I thought your profile was good. May be tone down the fitness bit in the About Me section as you mention it in your interests. Otherwise you may frighten away some men!! Good luck, happy hunting. S xx

Posted by: shazzam5 at January 27, 2012 7:09 PM

Are you tellin me to settle down or asking me?

Hahaha

Do you realise how many of us self starting go getters have had to literally drag men up on to the dance floor so WE can have at least ONE FREAKING DANCE?

Hahaha

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 27, 2012 6:39 PM

Hey Big,

What are you doing blogging?

Shouldn't you be preparing to go home or busy settling in at home?

Unique - go find your sense of humour and stop agreeing with Big! I'm no victim and besides, shouldn't you be hovering around a delivery room right now? Hope all goes well with that :))

cheers,
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at January 27, 2012 5:44 PM

Settle down oh unique one!! You're not allowed to agree with me remember. But thanks all the same.

I suspect most men my age, and maybe ten years either side, would agree that society has placed these expectations on men. They may not necessarily apply today but, barb, that's how we were brought up, and that includes women as well.

Go back to the post by asitis where he talks about the 'good old days' and how damn embarassing, difficult and scary it was to approach a girl at a dance-type gathering. I can not ever remember any male being approached by a girl. Certainly this does happen today and, with RSVP, both men and women can initiate contact because it's safe and not face-to-face! The anonymity of on-line dating has certainly knocked the old mores on their head and that's made it better and easier for all of us.

[Edited by RSVP Moderator.]

Posted by: thebigman9 at January 27, 2012 12:41 PM

O.k. everyone I have just been reading the advice you gave to Justem about her profile and I thought it was great.

I was wondering if you guys could do the same for me, as I thought your insights were great, I would really appreciate some help.

Posted by: superwoman5 at January 27, 2012 9:41 AM

I smell the strong and familiar odour of victim mentality. Caw blimey is this a see who's been rejected the most competition now?

LOL

I think that unless we have the stats from RSVP that none of us can make that claim although I would have to agree with big man. Society has placed those expectations and pressures on men

I say REST YOUR WARY MINDS and go dancing!!!

Hahaha

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 27, 2012 9:00 AM

Posted by: thebigman9 at January 21, 2012 11:43 AM

"The simple fact is, like life, dating sites are ruled by females. We men are the ones who do most of the chasing, initiate most of the contact and suffer most of the rejections."

Hey Big,

Have just caught up with this one (not that you care because now you are HOME and have a life).

What a crock! I'll bet I've had more rejections per kiss on this site than you have.

My amendment:
Once you pass the 'bastard has rejected my contact' stage, you'll regroup faster and realise he's the one who's missed out not you.

cheers,
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at January 27, 2012 3:19 AM

Nothing repels me faster than a person who likes to dramatise and bicker over trivial issues. For my own sanity I steer clear of people like that.

Posted by: baobabs at January 27, 2012 12:24 AM

justem: much better profile now. I read the original a few days ago, but then forgot to comment. One further change that I would like to see: get rid of the statements re time wasting & iphone in "About me" & "other interests" - they are a turn off, & all people of your age just do them anyway. Your photos are very good.

Posted by: exmelbourne at January 26, 2012 12:06 AM

Justem, how wonderful. I love attending weddings; romance, dancing and fun. It keeps me grounded that love does exist.

Have a great time, you never know who you might meet!

Got my fingers crossed for you, hun.

Posted by: ladylikestodance at January 25, 2012 8:05 PM

Thanks ooouniqueooo, u just made my day! Your profile is inspiring! Loving the blogs too much- illegally typing this on my iPhone while stuck in traffic!
Em (on my way to beautify for a friends wedding)

Posted by: justem at January 25, 2012 12:24 PM

Hi Justem

You are gorgeous darling. And what a beautiful soul you have too

You enjoying the boards?

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 24, 2012 10:25 PM

Would love to ooouniqueooo! Still no luck! Is there a record for the most rejections? Cos I think I'm up there!! :)
*will not be dramatic, WILL stay positive*

Posted by: justem at January 24, 2012 2:44 PM

Just get out there and date already

Hahaha

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 24, 2012 10:33 AM

damian, I realise that and I agree about the AFL but only after Thugby League disappears from the planet. Then the world will be a nicer place.

But, back on track, I was responding to justem's putting "I don't really like sports" in her profile. I thought it was eliminating too many men from contacting her, especially as she lives in Melbourne. I think what she's replaced it with almost says the same thing but in a more humorous and positive way. All the way through she profile she displays a personality that is not afraid to laugh at herself and "I support Collingwood but don't hold that against me" is an extension of her humourous approach to life.

I don't like dancing and I especially don't like profiles where the lady, in my opinion, is bragging about how many countries she's visited and wears it almost as a badge of honour. Blog readers will know this but, as the vast majority of members don't, whenever I receive a kiss from a lady who lists overseas travel as her aim, I reply negatively. Similarly I won't send a kiss to the same style of person.

We all have our likes and dislikes and it was merely a suggestion to another reader who was asking for advice.

big, ready for a good read of the blogs!!

Posted by: thebigman9 at January 23, 2012 8:35 PM

Bigman : To be honest, not all guys like sport, I'll watch rugby as something to do with a group of New Zealanders here in Australia, but it wouldn't bother me if they stopped televising sport tomorrow!

(and I'd contribute to the campaign if they are looking to stop televising AFL)

(I love being outdoors and active, I just don't really understand watching other people play sports on a regular basis.....)

Posted by: damiannz at January 23, 2012 4:11 PM

Nice work justem, nice work! Whilst I'm disappointed you thought my critique was 'somewhat negative' the changes you made make your profile much nicer to read and, as you say, still gives the essence off you.

If supporting Collingwood is akin to supporting Manly then there might be some who will hold it against you! Me, I'm a Waratah so it doesn't affect me who you support.

big, relaxing after an hour and a half in the torture chamber!!

Posted by: thebigman9 at January 23, 2012 12:23 PM

Total re-write complete! Not sure if it's for better or worse but it's still me!

Posted by: justem at January 23, 2012 10:23 AM

Hi bigman! Thank you so much for your feedback! As I've said on another thread there are some things I can't change without outright lying- smoking & being unemployed being the main things. Sadly I don't work & I put in a little explanation to avoid the word unemployed just hanging there & looking like a bum!
I may make a few changes to the wording- specifically the by-line- but although the feedback is somewhat negative it does reflect who I am- I suppose I'm okay with that! Rather be rejected for that than start off falsely!
No offence has been taken, I really appreciate the honesty! Off to my profile I go!

Posted by: justem at January 22, 2012 4:43 PM

Okay justem, you asked for it so I'm going to honestly give a male's perspective on your profile! Remember I am probably the same age as your dad and I have a daughter your age so this critique has to be read with that understanding. This is going to be brutally honest and no punches are going to be pulled I can assure you.

You smoke regularly and you don't like sports are the two things that, to me, stand out like dog's balls!! And you live in Melbourne, the sporting capital of Australia!

Your by-line is also going to turn guys off as, when they read 'my friends say I'm a bit of a smart-arse' they're going to be nodding their heads in agreement. 'Looking for a decent single guy' is not designed to endear you to very, many men in your age range I suspect.

A lot of your 'About me' is full of sarcasm disguised as humour and wit. It doesn't work, it just reinforces the 'smart-arse' comment. I would seriously consider removing the comments about your health and your working status, I can't see how it is relevant. Unless there are specific reasons for you putting that information out there, it's only continuing to turn guys off, that is, if there's any left still reading and interested.

Now, after tearing you apart, let's look at the positives. You are one, fine looking woman with a bunch of photos that display a quirky girl who has a real sparkle in her eyes. I am particularly taken with the Annie Oakley shot as it's sending a message that you can take the 'piss' out of yourself and enjoy a joke at your own expense. Your 'what I'm looking for' and 'my interests' section give an insight into justem but please, please, please put something, anything, in the sports section. Guys like their sport, even (although I hate the terms) geeks and nerds! Make something up. I don't know where Ringwood is but, if the local AFL team is say Hawthorn, put you're an occasional follower. You appear to be an intelligent enough woman to direct the conversation from talking sports and footy with your next date. And, seriously, if you don't like footy at all and he does, then the date won't go far will it?

Okay, I did warn you I was going to be brutally honest and I think I was but all of it is meant in a constructive way not to be destructive. Despite the pot-shots we all take at each other, we bloggers are your 'cyber' friends and we all wish every success to anyone brave enough to post a comment. Good luck and remember, as Connor MacLeod from the clan MacLeod says in Highlander, with a bit of poetic licence thrown in, "It only takes One!"

big, still resting peacefully!!

Posted by: thebigman9 at January 22, 2012 11:26 AM

mg601, after I read exmelbourne's comments on your profile I thought I'd also have a look and see the person he was referring to. Mate, I apologise beforehand if my comments are blunt and, as I stated when I commented below on the profiles of two other males, I'm no expert and haven't had great success in attracting a partner as yet, however I appreciated comments from men and women when I asked for advice, so here goes.

In all brutal honesty, I reckon you've looked very closely at the 'Ideal Partner' and 'What I'm looking for' sections of women in your target age-range and written your profile exactly as you think they'd find attractive and appealing. It's been my experience, granted we live in different cities but we're basically the same age, the women we're looking for want to travel o/s, dance the night away and are searching for someone with plenty of money!!

Your profile contains references to all three aspects. Yet, the simple fact that you're asking for crtitiques on it would suggest you're not having as much success as you expect given how you've provided the information you think these women are requiring in a new partner.

Perhaps, because you're almost emphasizing these attributes, you're coming across as differently to what you really are? Your photos appear staged and not spontaneous as most are; it almost appears like you're trying too hard to impress. Lighten up, as exmelbourne says, give the girls an insight into what makes mg601 want a partner to travel with him and not just accompany him.

Please take these comments in the manner they were written - constructively not destructively. It's up to you if you want to change your profile but, if what you're portraying isn't working, and you do actually want to find someone to partner you for the rest of your lfe, change it you'll have to!

big, having a break from the torture sessions!!

Posted by: thebigman9 at January 22, 2012 10:33 AM

Sorry moderators if this is a double-up- my browser had a very odd error!

I can see that lots of you have looked at my profile (otherwise I've stuffed up my preferences & am attracting a lot of women) and I'm not sure whether to be concerned or complimented that there have been no comments!
I'm hoping it's not SO bad that people don't know where to start! :)

Posted by: justem at January 22, 2012 12:10 AM

Thanks so much everyone for your comments! I really appreciate it. I actually just changed the photos before my comment was posted. The ones with a guitar are doing a lot better, although they are not perfect. The photos I had before were older and were heads cut off group photos at parties etc. Being a guy I haven't really had a photo taken for ages. I took the one with the guitar this week for a profile for guitar lessons.

I have taken note of the advice saying that I should put more about what I am looking for in a partner. I am a bit self-contained and I think that may be a bit off-putting. Thank you everyone, you have restored my faith in RSVP - well, at least the blog. And I do look really young but I can't really change my age. I am soon to be 40! I wouldn't put 39 in my profile unless it was the truth. I hope people don't think it's a scam. I only took the photos last week. I will try and take some more as someone said variety is good. Thanks for all the great advice. Will make some changes and let you know if I have some success. :)

Posted by: ataylor at January 21, 2012 7:18 PM

Minkdeville, I like your profile. You have a nice open friendly looking face and you appear to be a genuine person. Perhaps a little more detail though? As the Big man says, we ladies like to know what drives a man, and in your ideal partner section, it's a bit scatty as if you are either unsure of what you want or are worried about giving offence. Just be true to yourself and you will be fine. Hope you have better luck in your next search.

Posted by: lady3152 at January 21, 2012 3:17 PM

mg601, as per your request, I've had a look at your profile. Basically you read as too good to be true and I suggest that it's intimidating for many women - international jet-setter, speak 3 languages, fitness fanatic, exotic French & Italian background etc. How many women would think that they could match you or keep up with you? I'm not suggesting that you remove these from your profile but perhaps reword these bits. A photo with a big smile generally helps.
You have children living (& pets) at home but don't mention them anywhere - expand on your home life and share some more of your thoughts; give the ladies a bit of a look at the inner you.
You have everything going for you, but perhaps you are targeting the wrong women - obviously I don't know who you have been sending kisses to, but maybe you need to be more specific and less of a shot-gun approach.
Hope that this helps. Please keep involved in the blogs, the more new contributors the better.

Posted by: exmelbourne at January 21, 2012 11:57 AM

Okay here goes. To ataylor and minkdeville, this critique is coming from a male perspective as the only ones you've received are from the fairer sex.

Before I start, I haven't had huge success on this site but I've listened to many friends and tweaked my profile to their suggestions.

I think both of you need to work on the 'About me' section. You both give examples of things you like doing but neither of you gives an insight into what makes you like those activities. Mink, why do you like travelling to adventure-type places? ataylor, what drives your love of music?

It's been my experience that women are looking for what drives a man, not a list of things they like doing. ataylor, I would definitely add a more varied group of photos, all the same style doesn't add to your attractiveness. You also need to expand the 'at a glance' section. By giving almost nothing away, I'd suggest many women just look at that and say, "This guy has no idea of the type of woman he wants so he's not for me!"

mink, there's nothing wrong with your photos but I would work on the 'at a glance' with the 'Ideal Partner' section. By defining more categories you are giving the women more of an insight into the type of person you are. By leaving so many sections as 'Not Important' I suspect many women are not seeking contact because you appear wishy washy; "Does this guy actually know what he wants?"

Boys, I trust neither of you takes offence at my suggestions. The simple fact is, like life, dating sites are ruled by females. We men are the ones who do most of the chasing, initiate most of the contact and suffer most of the rejections. It's also, as has been stated repeatedly, a numbers game. Once you pass the 'bitch has rejected my contact' stage, you'll regroup faster and realise she's the one who's missed out not you. You are both good looking men who will find a partner eventually. Just be patient, keep sending kisses and she'll answer you when she finds you.

big, listening to the pouring rain in Sydney!!

Posted by: thebigman9 at January 21, 2012 11:43 AM

mg601 - I too do not find any issues with your profile. Stay positive. A wonderful lady will soon reply or send you a 'kiss'. All the best in your search. :)

Posted by: indigo25 at January 21, 2012 11:22 AM

Profile write ups:

Write whatever you FEEL like writing

Edit it often so that it reflects ALL of who you are (we can't fit EVERYTHING in the given space)

If someone is going to accept you for who you are, then let it be warts and all

Be fearless

Be daring

PLEASE don't be plastic or boring either lol

Be the REAL YOU FOR - no one likes surprises

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 21, 2012 10:03 AM

And just on the topic, I had one guy who actually teared up when I tactfully declined a second date with him last year. Im not suggesting he was being dramatic, just an overly sensitive (maybe needy) guy and certainly not someone that would appeal to me with characteristics like that. I made no reference to it and looked into my bag, pretending to look for something so that he could wipe the tears away and compose himself. Awkward!!

Posted by: frangelico1960 at January 21, 2012 8:50 AM

@ataylor...I agree that its the pics that may be the cause of you not getting much attention. The pic has to appeal so that folk will stop and read your profile. I have found that a variety of pics works and have had lots of positive feedback re my profile. Its also important to keep it real, so that there are no surprises when you meet someone. I know people say that this is a numbers game, but as I ahve learnt recently, you only need "one". All the best. Let us know how you go!

Posted by: frangelico1960 at January 21, 2012 8:44 AM

@ minkdeville as with ataylor, can't see any issues with your profile! It's a lovely main picture that you have- shows a friendly approachable face!

Posted by: justem at January 20, 2012 11:46 PM

I, every one. I've been a member of RSVP for a couple of weeks and I've been sending kisses left right and centre and but getting no where. Do I look too serious in my photos, Is my profile boring? I just don't know. Would someone be kind enough to offer an opinion?

Posted by: mg601 at January 20, 2012 10:43 PM

Posted by: sososophy at January 20, I was not bagging his reading list, but commenting that like myself he tends to lean towards a certain genre. Mine is horror and true crime which is not everyones cuppa tea. I love a walk through a cemetery, which a lot of people find strange, I totally agree with Imgina, he looks so much younger than 39, Mink you have a great profile, dont change anything. S xx

Posted by at January 20, 2012 8:46 PM

Posted by: shazzam5 at January 20, 2012 8:52 PM

Hi again @ataylor.
Don't you let anyone criticize your reading list. It is impeccable! You just need to supplement it with Roberto Bolano's 2666, all of WG Sebald's work and the wonderful- Life a User's Manual by the French author Georges Perec.
Yours in readership
SOSO

Posted by: sososophy at January 20, 2012 7:24 PM

Ataylor, I think it's because you look too good to be true. Your photo makes you look like your are between 19-24 and you say you are 39!!! The young women will take one look at you, see how gorgeous you are, read your profile and decide that you are a scam. (lol, that's what I do when I get a kiss from someone who is good looking and his profile doesn't sound real).
Maybe you should put something more down-to-earth/personal in your profile to make you appear real e.g. what you do on a Sunday and why. Actually, you 'could' be a scam, i.e. everything you say in your profile, someone who lives in South Africa can say the same thing.
Mention some areas in Melbourne that you like visiting.
Maybe also mention what qualities you are looking for in a woman you wish to meet and what is it about you that you think women would like. Don't be shallow now, looks is not everything...
Please, whatever you do, do not ever mention religion.
Memoryofkisses, some people smile too much and it makes them look fake. I'm actually attracted to those photos with men who don't smile (....too much, lol).
I think Ataylor looks good even without the smile.
That's him.....it think, lol.
Good luck anyway.
Ciao, G.

Posted by: imgina at January 20, 2012 7:18 PM

Seeing as we are doing profile critiques here, anyone have any suggestions for mine? I will be happy to return the favour! :)

Posted by: minkdeville at January 20, 2012 6:45 PM

Oh and as an add on to my last comment, any constructive criticism on my profile is also welcomed! Have a lovely weekend all!

Posted by: justem at January 20, 2012 6:09 PM

@ ataylor I've just (literally this week) joined RSVP and also haven't had any interest- but Im not stressed as Im looking for the right match, not lots of matches.
I've looked at your profile & can't really see anything that would put people off but maybe that's just me! Maybe it's the people you are approaching, not you, that have the problem! :) Perhaps aim for other creative types! good luck with your search!

Posted by: justem at January 20, 2012 6:06 PM

Hi ataylor
You have a terrific profile. It includes a good variety of different aspects of your character, studies and interests.
I would put as my main photo a full face looking at the camera.. with a natural smile.. if that's possible! Perhaps a formal and some informal ones as well.
I also would only put ONE photo of myself with the guitar and make that the last one of the series. As much as I LOVE music I usually stay away from men with photos of themselves on motorbikes, in front of their Mercs, steering the yacht, holding a fish or patting a tiger!! Perhaps that guitar shot drives women away.. they may think you are a penniless musician or financially unstable. Good to see you have bought an apartment. An instant drawcard I would say.

You have said very little about the woman you want, I would add to this so that your profile is more inclusive of 'the other' and not just about you.

Good luck and hope you find a lovely woman soon.
Regards
SOSO

Posted by: sososophy at January 20, 2012 5:56 PM

Posted by: ataylor at January 19, Personally, I found your profile a bit like a resume. It sounded really good, but unless you meet a person who is heavily into the same reading material as yourself, it could be off putting to some of our younger rsvper's. I think you need to inject some humour or warmth and that will make a big difference. On the other hand, you really do look like a young John cougar Mellencamp! Good luck S xx to the luncheon crowd, when are you coming up closer to Qld?

Posted by at January 20, 2012 3:14 PM

Posted by: shazzam5 at January 20, 2012 3:59 PM

@ Ataylor... Can't say I have had much success either, and other people might give you better ideas than me.

Your profile seems very self-contained. Where do you see a girlfriend fitting in?
Maybe you could include suggestions... "I have traveled widely, perhaps we could see the dolphins together.:
or
"I read widely, let's have coffee and discuss Baudelair's Flowers of Evil".
Show there is room for sharing, if you see what I mean?

And most people here say that a photo with a smile is a good idea.

Posted by: memoryofkisses at January 20, 2012 2:26 PM

Hi ataylor and welcome to the blogs. I took a peek at your profile and thought perhaps some different types of pics would be useful as the ones you have are all similar (I am much older than you so you may wish to dismiss it along with the fact I have no idea on how to critique a profile. Lol). Christmas/New Year brings heaps of new people onto places like RSVP and often has the place in a buzz. Many people are bored, lonely or perhaps searching for their "soul mate" and often with a frenzy, so be easy on yourself and allow everything to settle down. I think you have made an excellent choice as many of us here have played the balancing game with studies, families and numerous other commitments while hoping to find that special one. I wish you well with both your studies and your connection to that special other.

Posted by: tinkerbelle57 at January 20, 2012 2:20 PM

It was nice to meet a bunch of you at lunch the other day. Hope we can do it again. Thanks for organising it LLTD.

Posted by: memoryofkisses at January 20, 2012 1:53 PM

Have not had much luck on RSVP. It was a New Year idea. I have bought stamps and have sent many kisses but have received more rejections in one week than I have many lifetimes over. In real life I am actually pretty popular. I am here as I have no social life due to the fact I am studying fulltime and working on weekends. I thought this might be the solution. If you are female and have a minute or two, please tell me what is wrong with my profile. I am very open to suggestions.

Posted by: ataylor at January 19, 2012 4:56 PM

Many thanks to all who attended the bloggers lunch. Would have done this sooner but LLTD's hospitality was so enjoyable that manners went out the door! She is indeed a delightful hostess.

Lovely to catch up with LLTD and Bigman but also great to meet others known only in cyberspace.

I had a terrific time and look forward to the next catch-up, wherever it may be.

Thanks also to my travelling companions, the lovely, hospitable Magnet and the entertaining, long-suffering Exmelbourne.

cheers,
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at January 18, 2012 5:42 PM

Hi Big. That's ok. Couldn't be helped. My friend and I went to get something to eat and it was during that time that we missed you.
What's with this drunk touchy-feely guy anyway??? were you secretly laughing Big? lol. My friend is definitely not interested and I'll tell you more when you contact me.
LLTD, Barbaraw, Magnet, ex-Melbourne, tinkerbelle and Big....you guys rock. I was hoping that both Amber and Unique would be there but I understand why they weren't. Another time.
Ciao, G.

Posted by: imgina at January 15, 2012 8:15 PM

Good to see everyone enjoyed themselves!

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 15, 2012 4:09 PM

Yes, an awesome day was had by all yesterday, and my special thanks go to Lltd and all who were able to attend. Wow it was great to meet you all, most especially the wonderful people who traveled far. We were blessed and Big it is great to see you looking so well, up and about. Well done and keep getting better.

Posted by: tinkerbelle57 at January 15, 2012 1:48 PM

Hi, Tinkerbelle.
You'l have to ask Big about that 'artwork'. He was the one rumoured to be hoarding the dipping chocolate. I also heard that he had a paint roller and an assortment of paint brushes 'for all occasions'.

I dont KNOW if his tongue was affected by that 'nasty French bitch' of whom he spoke elsewhere but it still seemed to wag pretty good the day I visited him in Concord Hospital. LOL.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 15, 2012 1:17 PM

Hi Gina, I don't know where you were when I left but, as I couldn't see you, I guess I presumed you'd gone. Please accept my apologies and it was good meeting you also.

By the way, did your friend enjoy the attention she was receiving from one of the other attendees? He was certainly taken with her and very touchy-feely.

I would have liked to have chatted with you about your work. I find it an interesting occupation and would love to know more about it. I'll chat to lltd, get your contact details and, if that's okay, get in touch and we might be able to have lunch somewhere.

Cheers, big.

Posted by: thebigman9 at January 15, 2012 11:32 AM

SO guys,
What was it like? How many people turned up? Were there any non-bloggers?
Spill :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 15, 2012 11:08 AM

how was the lunch? i was planning to be there but i crashed out this week and couldn't do the 650km drive sorry.
Rodin :(

Posted by: rodinsthinker72 at January 15, 2012 9:18 AM

Big, you didn't say goodbye when you left. It was great meeting you and everyone else today. Get well soon.
ciao, G.

Posted by: imgina at January 14, 2012 11:41 PM

Thank you for the welcome Tinkerbelle, and Sososophy, I have taken your advice and tidied up a bit. Still don't have many photos, but I will try and get some recent ones as I have changed a lot in the last few months. Face is a lot thinner and so is the old body! Amazing what walking for pleasure can accomplish! Damian lad I was not upset or offended by Soso, do not be concerned, all is well. Thank you.

Posted by: lady3152 at January 14, 2012 9:52 PM

Sososophy, was your navman on the blink today? We missed you at our luncheon. A great time was had by all, well, I certainly enjoyed myself. Congratulations to LLTD for her organising and to everyone who attended. It was terrific to meet so many bloggers and RSVP members.

big, in bed watching the cricket!!

Posted by: thebigman9 at January 14, 2012 8:49 PM

Hi Damian The lady asked for help!
You, you're past help.
Regards
SOSO
But of course I would review your profile... for a small fee!!!

Posted by: sososophy at January 14, 2012 7:49 PM

Wow Sososophy, that was a detailed critique!, want to review mine?

I think bathing in chocolate is one of those ideas that sounds brilliant in conception, but would rapidly become "how did i get myself into this" while trying to extricate oneself from the chocolate... and then the cleanup!

I think being under dramatic can be a hinderance as well as being over dramatic, I know that I like to feel like I'm dating a real person who has things that they care about in their lives, not an illusion.

Posted by: damiannz at January 14, 2012 6:27 PM

Peaceful, could you possibly(?) be alluding to some private body art - err, etchings taking place with the said choc dipping sauce and a certain female person or persons???

Is this yet, another intrigue for curious minds??? Lol. Love your work... Thanks, it brightens my day.

Posted by: tinkerbelle57 at January 14, 2012 8:45 AM

Hi lady3152 and welcome. I hope you meet many wonderful people and hopefully someone who is perfect for you, as well as (should you wish) some beautiful friends too. I too was also married for many, many years (30) before arriving here so I understand the mixture of feelings that may be floating around. It is my suggestion that you always trust yourself and take your time, as you are always the best judge of you. I wish you well, much joy and happiness as you journey through, exploring the many faces and personalities (lol) of RSVP. Enjoy!

Posted by: tinkerbelle57 at January 14, 2012 8:33 AM

Hi lady3152
Welcome to internet dating. Thought I'd just give you a little feedback on your profile to help. Hope you find it useful.

On the what I'm looking for section, delete the bit about your reading tastes, likes science fiction etc etc too much detail and not really a criteria for choosing a partner! And you have a reading section where you have expressed your likes.

Delete the statement about your children in your about me section. That is covered in the at a glance section.

Delete the sentence Hope I don't sound boring. Not a good idea to make a negative statement about yourself and you don't sound boring anyway!

Wouldn't put in the detail about living overseas. Just write, something like ... have lived overseas and am well-travelled or simply well travelled/widely travelled. You can give further details when you talk or email someone.

It's a really good profile and I would just go through it again and regularize the spacing and the capital letters. You need to leave spaces after full stops and commas and I would also remove all the extra capitals you have included. It may seem trivial to you but a well-written profile with good punctuation etc shows that you have taken the time and effort to present yourself well, as important in a profile as in a resume I think.

I would also include other photos, perhaps a full figure shot. Good luck and hope you appreciate these suggestions. As I said earlier, you DO have a very nice profile!

I would also check out as many profiles of women in your age group to see how others present themselves, and for dating I would again look at as many profiles as possible so you can get an idea of the type of person/profile that you are attracted to.
Regards SOSO

Posted by: sososophy at January 13, 2012 10:27 PM

Hey Sydneysiders,

Nous sommes arrivee!!!!!!!!

Just wanted to let you know that I made a request to the SCC to close the bridge this weekend in case we have take a fancy to strolling over it.

I'm happy to say they have approved my request - sorry for any inconvience caused!

cheers,
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at January 13, 2012 8:23 PM

Great article. I have a tendency to get a bit of anxiety and insecurity early on and know I need to watch where I am coming from when getting to know someone.

Posted by: superwoman5 at January 13, 2012 5:23 PM

Hello everyone. I am new to this site and have been reading the blogs to glean some wisdom! Not too good at all this dating stuff, met my late husband at 20 and with him til he passed in 2010 from Cancer. I am 52 now and rather wary of how to proceed, so, any advice will be more than welcome! Smiles to you all.

Posted by: lady3152 at January 13, 2012 2:51 PM

Hi, BarbaraW.
I have heard a whisper on the grape vine that Big has been caught hoarding that same chocolate dip in the fridge in his new lodgings. Do you think there might be something in the wind?

We both know that he reads these blogs to while away the hours of his recpueration.

I wish you well in your 'artistic' endeavours.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 13, 2012 12:00 PM

privacyplease, I don't know why you're asking that question. May I respectfully suggest you read your own profile if you want answers. Your Ideal Partner criteria states: within 250km of Sydney (there goes Perth because the last time I looked it was a tad further than 250km and, although the Gold Coast is closer, it's still well outside your range); No, have no children (there goes the guy with the kid). You don't say anything about your work preferences so the answer is elementary my dear Mr. Watson - number 2 on your list.

big, glad to be of service!!

PS You have a lovely smile and a well-written profile.

Posted by: thebigman9 at January 13, 2012 7:09 AM

One guy: in Perth
Another: crazy working schedule
Another: on the Gold Coast
The Other has a kid..

blooddddyyy hell...

too many choices... who is the right one....

Posted by: privacyplease at January 12, 2012 10:08 PM

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 12, 2012 9:43 AM

Yep,

cheers,
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at January 12, 2012 6:32 PM

Posted by: ashleingh at January 12, 2012 2:45 PM

Welcome to the blogs.
Just wanted to assure you that I am not batting for the other side (although you are mighty attractive). Peeked at your profile, after reading your post and thought I'd send you a compliment on an interesting read with the " good luck in your search" kiss. Unfortunately, RSVP don't have a more neutral option available *smiling*

It is refreshing to see profile's sans cliches and with a healthy dose of origeedigeenality.

Interesting comment re postcoitus! You are not alone in the non committal camp.

Posted by: ladylikestodance at January 12, 2012 5:52 PM

I can't answer that question ash. It may well remain one of life's little mysteries. However, having looked at and read your profile I am at a loss to understand why such an absolutely, stunning, young woman needs an on-line dating service.

Surely there must be some younger Melbourne men that could catch you as you run madly down the street? I realise you have a very specific individual in mind which is very commendable. Maybe you need to take some of those erotic writings and hand them put at the next social justice-type meeting you attend. Or just put the writings on a t-shirt when next you go out so the guys can come up, read them and whisk you off somewhere quiet (for a discussion of course, mind out of the gutter barb, lltd and others)!!

Don't give up ash, there will be someone who will meet your standards and your commitment-issues will vanish.

big, sitting with a massage pillow doing wonders for his back.

Posted by: thebigman9 at January 12, 2012 4:47 PM

You just answered your own question lol

you can't commit!

Or is it not someone that knocks your rocks off enough to commit to?

Commitment should be pretty straight forward but not everyone has good common sense

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 12, 2012 4:11 PM

So it turns out I can't commit...why am I here again ?

Posted by: ashleingh at January 12, 2012 2:45 PM

Hi, BarbaraW.
Lady, you have EXPENSIVE tastes. BATHING in chocolate? It would need to be liquid chocolate or you would be very likely to have some 'mobility' issues. I keep a small tub of liquid dipping chocolate in my fridge 'cos I LIKE strawberries dipped in chocolate. Each of these tubs is 130 grams - roughly two egg cups - and costs about $2.60. How many of them would it take to put enough in a bath to bathe in?

Woodjyer settle for being painted all over with chocolate and having it licked off?

Curious minds want to know.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 12, 2012 9:43 AM

Yeah but ...

Bathing in chocolate would be very dramatic - and much more fun!

Oops, wrong topic.

sorry,
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at January 11, 2012 7:11 PM

Hmmm well...

I suppose bathing in drama is another way of putting it lol

soaking in it even? Lol

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 11, 2012 4:03 PM

Was that a "Freudian slip" Unique ? :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 11, 2012 6:55 AM

Geeze

not bathing... LAUGHING

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 10, 2012 11:47 AM

I have worked with, and lived a life FULL of drama. No wonder I suffered from chronic anxiety lol - high expectations placed on me as a gifted and talented all-rounder etc. Even awards for drama at school lol

Of course drama will continue to present and of course its individual perception but mostly?

It is HOW we deal with it - just as someone has said.

I like to change the subject.
I like to ask people if they need a hug
I like to say this is giving me a headache
I listen a lot
sometimes I just say it straight and shut it down
A lot of the time I laugh lol

Gotta be careful with the bathing though. Some people are just so sensitive! LOL

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 9, 2012 7:37 PM

LLTD,

Now there's a hearfelt cry. That would make a good bumper sticker. Come to think of it . . . print, print, print.

Burntabit

Posted by: burntabit at January 9, 2012 6:51 PM

pain the in butt when this happens

Posted by: serenity62 at January 9, 2012 5:48 PM

@ Frangelico..I totally agree with the perception idea. I usually have a wealth of stories etc when I catch up with friends and family and more often than not the response is that they dont know how I deal with so much drama .. When in fact these are just everyday goings on for me.
I would consider a drama for me to be something out of ordinary and something I am not used to dealing with.

Posted by: towhomitmayconcern52 at January 9, 2012 2:29 PM

8 planets,
204 countries,
809 islands,
7 seas,
6,000,000,000+ people

AND I'M SINGLE!

Posted by: ladylikestodance at January 9, 2012 2:28 PM

Drama, like most things, I think, is about perception..what may seem trivial to one person, may seem catastrophic to someone else. I have found dramas in my life to be a subject of entertainment to others and have received a lot of advice, as such. Lets not forget that todays newspaper is often tomorrows fish an chips wrapper (that analogy is for the over 40's amongst us)

Posted by: frangelico1960 at January 9, 2012 10:09 AM

I'm not damaged, this weary warrior just has a few dings in the armour! That's called living and we are working back the shine and polish.

There will always be drama, a crisis, a problem. Deal with it, stay calm and move on!

As Bizzygurl says, it would be boring.
I'll take passion over passivity any day. The cold and controlled persona would run for the hills after meeting moi. And I would be tempted to check for his pulse! LOL.

Posted by: ladylikestodance at January 8, 2012 9:04 PM

Damian that's cool if you haven't been damaged :-)

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 8, 2012 6:25 PM

Unique, superb!
I hate stress. I grew up with it and wanted to live without it in my life. However, having a son with mental health problems who runs away a lot and .....creates a LOT of drama has made me change my perspective. When such unwanted drama emerges I switch into comedy mode and as I've said before, my kids don't need to go to drama school. They have one right here at home. I think as long as we are living, learning and loving we can handle most things that come our way. As for preference though, I do prefer a drama free life, but that would be so much less exciting don't you think!

Posted by: bizzygurl at January 8, 2012 5:42 PM

I actually have the opposite problem sometimes, I love dealing with crisis.. It makes me feel alive, so sometimes I can unconsciously be drawn to people with a lot of Drama...

ooouniqueooo, I wouldn't agree that everyone has been damaged. I've had a lot of learning experiences in my life, but I wouldn't call any of them damaging!

Posted by: damiannz at January 8, 2012 4:22 PM

Look

at the end of the day, if you're a drama king or drama queen - if you mysteriously find yourself in the midst or the thick of "drama"?

Your drama
His drama
Her drama
whatever drama it might be

Have a quick gawk in the mirror

it ain't about the drama - its about your attraction and NEED for something that makes your life appear interesting or exciting

There is also the WAY you deal with drama that finds its way to your front door step

Do you listen and let people find their own way or do you want to give them all the answers - and in the process cause yourself more anxiety lol

Just chatting openly lol

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 8, 2012 7:48 AM

Well said Amber, I am only new here, trying to get away from dating people inside my circle of friends etc.

It blows my mind how someone could ask whether or not they are wanting a serious relationship with someone before they even meet, surely this shows a lack of self worth.

I can understand that there is the odd person that doesn't shoot straight, but you surely can work them out on the first date.

What happened to enjoying someone's company and getting to know them before you invest the rest of your life with them? Hopefully, lol

Who cares if it doesn't lead to anything, nothing ventured and nothing gained. Imagine if you went to buy a tv set and they wouldn't let you look at the picture until you purchased, or a car you couldn't test drive.

I don't see any other way to find someone that is right for you, other than to sift through some not so rights on the journey.

The journey is something that is meant to be enjoyed, not something seen as hard work, you can get a positive experience from anyone you meet in life as long as your looking for it.

Enjoy the ride and don't make too much of a big deal out of it until you know your keen....

Posted by: mdrchris76 at January 7, 2012 4:28 PM

Ask yourself too.

How much drama can I handle?

Know yourself.

Know your patterns

Know your deal breakers

And know whether you can be flexible for love

A lot of us have talked about what we would NEVER do in the past only to see that we have done that very thing - I for one don't regret my hypocrisy lol. I have learned from it and become wiser (I like to think so Hahaha)

Today I was pondering on my thoughts and feelings re: relationship and saw yet again that I should simply ENJOY the beauty

Nothing NEEDS to be drama

And its only drama if you WANT IT to be

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 7, 2012 4:22 PM

BRG,

The single act of sending an abusive email paints the total picture. It is unfortunate that the recipients of such emails can't add a tag to the sender's profile - "Stay clear, this one sends abusive emails".

Burntabit

Posted by: burntabit at January 7, 2012 3:27 PM

Hi Bizzy,
Hear, Hear!

Hi BritishRG,
As far as I know, they will be notified when you have read their email. If they see that you've read it and not replied .... hmm, maybe they have a point. It doesn't take long to reply with 'sorry, busy atm, talk later'.

Hi Monty,
My comment to you would be to read ooouniqueooo's comments from this morning.

She's absolutely right (just don't tell anyone I said that or my reputation will be ruined!) and what she has written may encourage you to be a little more accepting and interested in the current person rather than what you perceive to be the damaged one. It's not who we were that matters, it's who we are.

cheers all,
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at January 7, 2012 2:47 PM

Hi All, Love reading these blogs. So 2012 is a new year have decided to ramp up my chances of meeting my new partner by going on a date with all people I consider interesting. Have had a lot of contact & have narrowed down to a handful of maybes. I absolutely never give out any identying info or my mobile until at least couple of dates& I decide if I will see them again. (had 2 bad experiences 2011). So arranged to meet a date recently. I waited 15 minutes then left. I emailed him I do not tolerate tardiness or bad manners.Received a nasty reply that I'm a control freak & need to grow up. I don't think so. My time is precious & I am extremely choosy whom I spend it with. Just glad I didn't waste 1 second more on that person. So not wishing for any more pre or post dating drama.

Posted by: close2you at January 7, 2012 2:43 PM

Hi All. It has been interesting reading comments. For me there is no winner only losers in all these situations, expectations are built up in us from a early age. Do this, accepter that, say or perform this way and you will be recognized aka rewarded by parents friends academia society. We are a product of our environment etc. For me on starting a new after the second or third meeting (my phone calls are long 2 some times 3hrs each pre meeting) the same apply to the coffee met. We, well I have a fair idea if we share similar values or expectations. A few ground rules are shared by both as to seeing or not seeing others email contacts etc. I noticed one lady mentioning a reaction by a guy, what about her reaction as well both are guilty in my book expectations from both. They may be different expectations yet still expectations. Just how I see things.

Posted by: montychristo at January 7, 2012 1:16 PM

Forget the drama on dates. What about the drama before you even get that far? I'm talking about the men who send you an email, then a couple of days later, if you haven't replied, send you another slightly abusive email demanding to know why you haven't replied to their first email. To me, it says all I need to know - needy and possessive. Delete, delete! Not everyone is on RSVP every single day and just because someone is online, it doesn't mean they are at their computer.

Posted by: britishracinggreen at January 7, 2012 10:03 AM

Good advice John. But I don't think feelings need to be absent. What we need is positive feelings. I enjoy a curious man who actually expresses feelings of joy, pleasure and the like. If a date has little or no feelings, its a bit of a dead date don't you think? I look for feelings intently when dating. I want a man who can feel, both good and bad, but can also govern his feelings with his mind. I suppose we are all different. I'm a playful and passionate lover. So no feelings displayed on a date would tell me that the guy either doesn't have any or that he can't manage his own enough to let them be seen. If he can withold his feelings at appropriate times though, that shows me amazing strength and self control which I find is a real turn on because I know that he would have the inner strength to get through emotional times without falling apart. In a long term relationship that would be a great asset.
I agree with you unique about learning from the past. Life is full of ups and downs. We may be dating someone in a not so finer time of their life. Once we get to know our dates a little we can see things I'm better perspective. Some people don't like sharing at all. I reckon those ones only hinder themselves.

Posted by: bizzygurl at January 7, 2012 8:59 AM

Hi, Minkdeville.
Like Amber, I am curious to know how being honest might have hindered you in your search for a partner. If the answer that you gave openly and HONESTLY scared them away, would that not seem to indicate that they might be scared away later by the same thing if they found out about whatever it was when you had something going between you?

I think it's sometimes called 'weeding out'.

Where I could see that it might have hindered you would be if you were looking for another notch on your bedpost rather than a long-term partner and being honest scared her away. But, people of either gender who are looking for more bedpost notches are seldom completely honest anyway.

Just my 0.02.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 7, 2012 8:42 AM

Yeah so carrying on from my previous post...

The quick answer is

"Thanks for asking. I'm probably very similar to most people and would prefer to focus on being interested in who YOU are now rather than who YOU were in the past "

Or something to that affect lol

Whatever conclusion THEY come to is irrelevant. Their opinion of, or suspicion that I May possibly NOT be over my past because I prefer to know someone, and BE KNOWN for who I am NOW etc etc (than talk about "what happened" for the 100th time)

Gotta change those patterns and auto responses folks - with a bit of gumption and thought.

Otherwise listen more than you speak and with your eyes wide open :-)

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 7, 2012 7:37 AM

Hearing ya mink

Maturity plays a big part in understanding that everyone has been damaged in one way or another from childhood - family, school ground, relationship, marriage etc. As they've made their way through life

in my mind, it is only a question of to

what extent and have they learned

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 7, 2012 6:09 AM

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 6, 2012 6:28 PM

Very good advice Unique :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 7, 2012 12:41 AM

Posted by: minkdeville at January 6, 2012 8:27 PM

Hi Mink,
How has being really honest hindered you? Just curious.

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 6, 2012 11:50 PM

I think I may well be guilty on this count. I prefer to be open and honest and if a "date" asks a question; I will answer, openly and honestly. And yes, I believe it has hindered me. We live and learn :)

Posted by: minkdeville at January 6, 2012 8:27 PM

Amber

sometimes its just best not to bother with trying to understand that type of behaviour

it is what it is

and all we need to understand and accept is that WE DON'T WANT OR NEED IT

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 6, 2012 6:28 PM

Well said, Amber!

cheers,
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at January 6, 2012 6:15 PM

Agree with what John is saying 100%

Leave the drama to those who cannot live without it. If its not one thing its the next lol

Look in the mirror and ask yourself honestly.

What do I talk about when I meet someone?

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 6, 2012 5:57 PM

Well I don't think I am very dramatic- but I have met my fair share of men who are :)

However I do find it very frustrating when people don't tell you the truth.
We all know that people on here often are seeing more than one person - so it's no big deal far as I am concerned.

But I get pretty uptight when a man tries to pretend that he isn't seeing other people or looking around.
Like when he accidentally sends a text/email to the wrong woman and then instead of being 'grown-up 'and going "Whoops sorry about that" he lies and pretends he doesn't even know anyone by that name!
And this has happened with men I haven't even got as far as meeting yet :)

Why would I care if someone I haven't even met yet is in contact with more than one woman on-line or in real life?
As long as he is not in a relationship with one!
Why would he care if I am talking to/meeting other men?

Isn't it the way you are when you are with each other when you are together that matters?.
Being respectful, not eying off every other woman/man in the room, being polite, kind, tidy, well-mannered.

Even if you find you get along well - there are surely no expectations that you will be dating each other exclusively until you are both ready and have agreed to it?
I thought that was what being 'grown-up' was all about? NO expectations until you know that you are both on the same page?

Yet when I have decided to not go on with contact - the guy has treated me as if I am some kind of drama queen.

It seems that supposedly mature men just can't get it - it's not anything about the talking/meeting of other women - it's the LYING about it that is the deal breaker!

Why would you even WANT to hide something that is surely a given?
Yes I know SOME women might be very insecure and get upset about it - but those women are NOT me.
I wouldn't expect a man to get upset either.
Surely no one expects - and nor should they - a diary to show who/where/when of his dating life!
It's none of my business- unless we decide after dating for a while that we want to be a couple.

There should be no expectations until you both decide that you BOTH want to be together - surely?
And for that to happen you both need to be honest with each other - because no relationship is viable without it.

Lying and trying to hide seeing others in the early days, only leads me to believe the man is either basically dishonest or very insecure.
Both kinds of men lie to save themselves inside a relationship as well. In fact the more they have to lose the more they will lie.

I find it so difficult to understand WHY it is so hard for people to be honest and up-front?

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 6, 2012 5:11 PM