RSVP Blog

Sometimes

I think self pity can set in and linger for longer than we want it to - depression and a cycle that is more often down than up. No middle ground...

Go for a walk skip hop and jump and flush the toxic OUT OF YOURSELF

When you do it for yourself, it becomes a natural follow through cleanse - family, friends, associations acquaintainces, work colleagues, relationships... Ya just gotta wanna look at your life and want to be toxic FREE

In other words, instead of pointing your finger at "toxic friends" or anything and everything that could be causing your single status, your misery, your current unsatisfactory situation, or whatever one might call it, point your finger at the person in the mirror...

If ya wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and make a change

MJ

If you're not happy, CHANGE IT

No fairy god mother or genie in a bottle is gonna do it for ya

Toxic people can only affect us if we let them... If we don't have happiness, peace within, & freedom to shine WITHOUT fear

Fear, and the fruits of fear become toxic if we hold on to, or don't process and let them go... The longer we hold on, the more toxic it becomes...

For self and others

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at February 17, 2012 12:56 PM

I think all of these comments are wise but I still ask myself one question - why would you even waste time on a 'toxic friend'. Also, while it's great in theory, how can you be friends with a number of RSVP friends (previous 'dates') of the opposite sex without it interfering with any future dating relationship? If a person you have started seeing is OK with it and you introduce them to the 'old friends' then maybe it could work. I know that I'll be happy to just find someone to have a relationship with not add to a list of friends who are former 'dates'. As for toxic friends - get rid of them - they're happy to see you single and miserable and don't want to see you find happiness - we can live without them!!

Posted by: hereiam2012 at February 15, 2012 10:08 PM

Toxic friends don't have anything to do with anyone being single while they're single

The one person responsible for that is the person staring back at us in the mirror. Hopefully it's the same person looking into it lol

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at February 13, 2012 11:32 PM

PD, got it sista :))

Posted by: ladylikestodance at February 11, 2012 8:19 PM

Hey LLTD, first one was premature communication lol, second one was the right one, you know what I'm talking about!

Talk soon fellow Piscean!

PD x

Posted by: parisdreamer at February 9, 2012 1:00 AM

Serenity, tank you darlink!
Ringhtbackatcha.

Posted by: ladylikestodance at February 8, 2012 8:58 AM

May the universe love you LLTD. Good for you to "detox", renew, refresh and rebound back into life!!! keepa smilink )

Posted by: serenity62 at February 8, 2012 2:05 AM

Trading in the toxic friends, and upgrading to brand new positive role models.

Posted by: ladylikestodance at February 6, 2012 9:55 PM

Hi, Amberlightrose.
THAT was NEVER going to happen. I suspect that I may have been hanged in a previous life - - - if you get my drift.

You hava wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at February 3, 2012 11:31 PM

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 31, 2012 8:24 PM

I agree Peaceful - good escape :)
That fair lady would have had you trussed up in a black tie suit like a Christmas turkey, before you could have even said - well - "Christmas turkey" :)

Thanks TRN :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at February 3, 2012 9:00 AM

ooouniqueooo at January 31, 2012 12:27 PM

Yes.

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at February 2, 2012 12:06 AM

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 31, 2012 7:46 AM

Good post.

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at February 2, 2012 12:06 AM

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 31, 2012 7:46 AM

Good post.

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at February 2, 2012 12:03 AM

Hi, Amberlightrose.
Damn! ! ! ! ! ! Sprung again. yer right, of course. I was toying with that lady who wanted to change my dress style. BTW, she has changed her profile since then but HAS NOT contacted me again. PHEWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!

Off the hook - don't gotta go shopping for long trou. that I don't want. Not that I ever was going to do so in that scenario.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 31, 2012 8:24 PM

The good thing is we eventually come to am understanding sooner or later, we learn to recognise these things quicker for having experienced it, and we don't put up with it

NEXT CHOP GONE!!!

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 31, 2012 12:27 PM

Well, I believe imgina is more right than wrong. It is my belief that manipulators act as they do as they cannot comprehend that what they desire, or what motivates them is not a priority for all. What we view as their manipulation they view as the common good as it is what they want. If they manipulate and achieve a feeling of power by doing so it is because it is right, to them, that they should feel empowered. To me manipulators are the ultimate in self absorbed personalities. Of course we all manipulate, in some small way, at different times just as we all tell little white lies at times. I don't consider these times as making us all manipulators as they are not considered and consistent. So, in my view, manipulators do know what they are doing however they do not consider it manipulation as it suits their desires.

Posted by: asitis09 at January 31, 2012 11:37 AM

imgina at January 30, 2012 8:06 PM

I disagree. While there are a few that manipulate because they don't know how get what they want or how to deal with negative thoughts etc (Possibly learnt behaviour from role models in their lives couples with their personality). Most I believe know exactly what they are don't and try to perfect the art of manipulation and even get a high when they succeed in what ever it is that they are up to.

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at January 31, 2012 10:27 AM

Hi Peaceful & Tinks,
I think there are ALWAYS signs - little things that we didn't notice of or ignored because we didn't realise their significance at THAT time.

You probably just didn't notice because until it was something that was REALLY important to you - you overlooked everything 'small' in the spirit of compromise and getting to know each other.

Now of course, with experience you know that someone who is unwilling to compromise or always wants their own way with the 'little' things - will likely be unbearable to deal over something that is important and a big deal to both you and them.
And because they have become used to getting their own way in everything with you - they expect it will continue that way over everything - and react badly when you indicate that this may not always be the case.

Which is why I suggested Peaceful that you were 'toying' with the lady who was lovely but was already showing signs of wanting to change your dress style when she hadn't even met you :)
That was MORE than just a warning sign - that was a 60 metre high bright red banner and you knew it :)

I don't think people suddenly 'become' manipulative - they are always that way.
It's just that we didn't NOTICE until it became really important to us - and that, in the case of someone who is relatively accommodating and easy-going - is likely not to be until it is something REALLY important to us like a life goal or decision on where we live, etc.

Of course, this 'major stuff' doesn't come up until we are well and truly ensconced in the relationship.

Which is why it is probably advisable to pay much more notice of the 'little things' early on before it actually becomes a 'relationship'.
Does the person always expect you to travel to them? Do the things they want to do?
Forgive them when they are late or forget to ring? (Usually the same levity is not given to you though because their time is important and yours isn't!)
Are you expected to forgo the things/people you like to do/see to do/see the things/people they want to - frequently - and they always 'forget' when it's your well and truly your turn?

I even find a man's unwillingness to correspond by email for a short while before meeting as being a sign he is not willing to compromise - so what I feel comfortable with, is already unimportant to him?
Why does he feel he needs to 'run' any potential relationship from the very first email?
Anyway just my thoughts on 'manipulative' and uncompromising people.

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 31, 2012 7:46 AM

Hi, Imgina.
I suspect that you are right about some manipulators not knowing that what they are doing IS manipulation but they still do it and it is still manipulation.

When you get a statement like, "If you leave me, I'll die," what are you suppposed to do with it?

When your partner KNOWS that you need to be at a certain venue at least 30 minutes before she does, she is still aiming for HER target time and says, "It's not my fault. It just IS", what do you do with that?

Both of those examples are manipulation, conscious or not.

Just my 0.02.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 31, 2012 7:16 AM

I am thankful that the two marriages that I had were to two very completely different men. I say this because it has taught me so very much. The first one was physically abusive so I thought okay I would go for a nice quiet man that was so different from the first one. Great I thought I know how to spot the aggressive ones now, what signs to look out for. Unfortunately I was being so careful that I ran to an extreme polar opposite. My second husband I would say was asexual and devoid of any emotion. For 11 years he was just not interested in me at all except to have as a friend. The second one I think knocked my confidence as would be expected. Having had such a different experience each time has really taught me a great deal.

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at January 30, 2012 10:34 PM

Peaceful, I don't think manipultors know that they are manipulators. Some may, but not most.
ciao, G.

Posted by: imgina at January 30, 2012 8:06 PM

Peaceful you have gotten it right with "the manipulation didn't start in the beginning and only after becoming committed". The early signs came when we were engaged and had purchased our first home. I didn't see them, and the one that I did, well I just put it down to overwork, etc, etc. I could not and would not believe that "he could be like that" so it had to be "something else". Mmmm, aren't love and ignorance grand! lol. The pattern had been set and as peaceful said "the progression had (unknowingly) begun".

I am glad that you are free peaceful, to enjoy yourself (as you see fit) and are able to see the blessings and wisdom from these situations. For they hold many, many blessings and like you, when I encounter these types of persons it is definitely a "case of NEXT, along with been there done that, don't want any more."

Posted by: tinkerbelle57 at January 30, 2012 7:16 PM

Hmmmmmm?

I've had a couple too - manipulative partners. What made it extra interesting was that the manipulation did not start in either case until the relationship had become a 'committed' one, married in the first one and living together in the second.

In each case, there was a little warning sign that, had I been a little wiser back then, might have sounded alarms bells. Neither of them did set off any alarms at the time and things progressed until it was pretty obvious, even to a mere male like me - what was going on.

NEXT.

I hold no ill feelings or grudges and carry no baggage about either relationship. In fact, I am thankfull for both as they have left me with a wonderful son, some treasured memories and - hopefully - some accumulated wisdom.

Manipulators need not apply. Been there done that, don't want any more.

Just my 0.02.

You all have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 30, 2012 9:29 AM

Yes tinkerbelle

Been in a few toxic relationships myself. Thankfully I am now aware of what is out there and can now choose carefully whom I spend my time with. I believe because I know what I am looking for now and what to be careful of, I will now find the partner who is right for me or at least have fun looking.

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at January 29, 2012 11:36 AM

Hi guys, it appears that many of us has had the pleasure of dancing several rounds with toxic friends or perhaps delighted in the company a toxic partner. They certainly have a way to colour your world and as Amber mentioned saying "no" just isn't an option. You may become "creative" and possibly circumvent somethings or perhaps manage to "alter the order of operations" but always with a degree of trepidation, fear and/or terror, for if they get "wind" of it - your gone...

Physical abuse is rarely the "reward" for these inappropriate actions (far too visible), they usually prefer it to be done by stealth so emotional and/or the attention lines are often their preferred forte... Should one have become relatively "comfortable" with attention deprivation then intense and continued interrogation, (closely garnished with generous lashing of criticism) become employed. Should one (for some unknown reason???) "fail" to get with the programme, then one can anticipate that both the scope and the parameters being expanded... Missing belongings are common (often found down by the dam), or perhaps having the car (that you always drive) commondered (too bad that your daughter is at dancing), on the ploy that their car (miraculously) doesn't work or is out of petrol. We lived on acres, so nothing was close by (funny about that!!!). Then again, there was always the "fail safe" action of becoming cranky, irritable and "difficult(???)" with the kids and/or the animals. Yeap, some people are definitely a learning curve - both being with them and recovering from them, but mostly I found it sharpened my awarenesses and my appreciation of the good that is out there. We all deserve to be treated well.

Posted by: tinkerbelle57 at January 28, 2012 9:52 PM

Ditto unique

I have during the last decade found that I am very good at processing and moving on when it comes to people I meet. I am hoping that I will be just as good at this when I meet men that may be future possibilities.

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at January 28, 2012 7:49 PM

Peacefulsixty

I was going to say something similar to what you said in your post 22nd Jan.

Judge how you feel after being with people. If you feel good keep the friendship if you don�t feel good stop seeing them. Of course we would have to know the people properly to give them the benefit of the doubt after all we all have situations in our lives that occur from time to time. However on meeting people for the first time if on a date you want a fairly good impression after all you would think that they would present their better side. I spent too many years befriending everyone and anyone when I was younger and at times it really brought me down. Now I am very careful whom I become friends with as a result I have fewer friends but they are very good friends and that is more important. Better to have quality than quantity, I say.

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at January 28, 2012 7:37 PM

I am certainly learning in every moment I experience - sometimes wondering why I accept LESS than I perhaps deserve.

One thing I am certainly glad for is my response time. Instead of years/months/weeks/days, its down to hours (in some situations seconds lol). My tolerance to toxicity is VERY low now. Instead of doubting my instincts over what a toxic friend might have said or advised that doesn't "feel" right, I will trust it (instinct) and bring on the distance. CHOP GONE NEXT!

I know that the friends I KEEP would only ever tell me the TRUTH and give me the perspective I cannot see because they care - as hard as it might be to swallow. Truth is truth

Toxic friends don't see the happiness of a friend as important. They want everyone to be just as miserable as they are and will encourage toxic behaviour to ensure it.

They will more often than not have a circle of toxic friends - all negative and sour in their thinking.

Misery loves company dunnit

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 27, 2012 8:49 AM

There's an old saying -- you are the average of the FIVE people you spend the most time with.

Posted by: baobabs at January 27, 2012 12:29 AM

Hi, Oh Unique One.
Well put. I have heard somewhere that some people refer to it as the gaining of wisdom. 'Nit has nuttin' ter do wiff how many teef yer have in yer head, wisdom er otherwise.

Just my 0.02.

You have a wonderfully wise day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 26, 2012 9:08 PM

Lets not get toxic friends mixed up with partners who are toxic

If you have had a few relationships (and learned what you needed to learn) then these "friends" and potential partners won't have a leg to stand on.

You WILL detect what doesn't feel right and you WILL not let it fly.

You WILL address it or hit it on the head

(if you've learned)

And your tendency to drag things on unnecessarily will decrease significantly from years to months to weeks to days to hours to minutes.

You WILL be left with a handful of trusted non toxic friends

And you WILL attract these more desirable friend types MORE

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 26, 2012 5:31 PM

Really when you think about it - toxic people have no respect for anyone - it's ALL about them making the rules and changing the rules of your relationship as they see fit.
Consulting you or considering you in any meaningful way - is just not the way they operate.

If they do consult - and ask you what you think or want it's only a token gesture.
If you give the 'wrong' answer (disagree) then it becomes a process of convincing you that somehow your needs/feelings are just ridiculous or selfish.
And more often you become so exhausted you just give up.

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 26, 2012 3:36 PM

Posted by: burntabit at January 26, 2012 1:17 PM
Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 26, 2012 9:56 AM

Couldn't agree more with you both - and Tinks.
Then one day months or (much worse) years down the track - you realise you have 'lost yourself' while trying to please them - and it finally dawns that they have absolutely no respect for you at all.

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 26, 2012 3:25 PM

Hi, Burn-tabit.
Do I detect the voice of experience speaking in your post?

Curious minds are curious.

You hava wunda-full day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 26, 2012 3:09 PM

Peaceful raises a very good point regarding high maintenance friends or partners. This can be difficult to deal with when, as he says, it has gradually escalated over a period of time. Each escalation is small in itself but, a couple of years down the track, the realization dawns that this particular person is demanding - and getting - a disproportionately large amount of your time and energy.

Burntabit

Posted by: burntabit at January 26, 2012 1:17 PM

Hi, Tinkerbelle.
I agree that toxic people in our lives often do not appear toxic when they first enter our lives. Such people can often be very charming and attentive themselves when they see themselves gaining some benefit from it.

Another thing that often makes it difficult to recognise toxicity is that it often begins to manifest in quite small ways and, as you mentioned, we tend to cut them some slack. Then the manifestations get bigger and we cut them more slack - - - and so on, until they are almost running our lives.

A pretty fair yardstick for determining whether or not a 'friend' is toxic is how much of your attention they demand or try to garner unto themselves and the ratio of that compared to what they give back to you.

I may get a few people wanting to do me some sort of injury here but the same yardstick can also be used to determine if a spouse or partner is toxic and not good for you. Emotional or attention deprivation is a form of abuse just as much as physical abuse but MUCH more insidious.

Just my 0.02.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 26, 2012 9:56 AM

Perhaps peaceful the toxicity component didn't appear to exist when a friendship was being formed and since it was a friend, when "things weren't going so great", you can choose to take the "back seat" and cut them a little bit of slack, or perhaps give them some much needed "TLC". Sometimes that is all we need to feel good and happy in the world once again.

I have found that "toxic" persons expect this, anticipate this and are prepared to "give you hell" if it isn't forthcoming, and forthcoming in the quantities they feel they deserve. It is here where I agree with you peaceful - they definitely are not friends, not by my standards anyway.

Posted by: tinkerbelle57 at January 25, 2012 8:59 PM

Uh excuse me moderators

Can you please edit my posts so they make sense when they don't make sense next time? lmaooooo

Using predictive text on a mobile doesn't work very well when one is in a hurry lol

Peaceful

Absolutely right about people refusing to give it up. It can sometimes take years but I say better late than never in this instance.

So many layers of toxicity but it is possible to strip them off - to where a naked core of beautiful imperfection lies...

And before I start rambling on again I'll sign off lol

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 24, 2012 9:55 PM

Hi, Oh Unique One.
Yes, that is also an important point. But you can almost NEVER acquire toxicity from another person. You have to 'get your own'. Most who already have toxicity refuse to give it up.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 24, 2012 12:37 PM

And then we have to consider whether its own toxicity keeping up single lol

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 24, 2012 10:13 AM

If after meeting up with, or talking to a friend, you feel happy, invigorated, inspired, challenged etc then make sure you keep that friend. They will only ever want what's best foryou. They will only ever want you to be happy

Lets not get a friend who tells us the truth as a toxic friend though lol. Might make you feel like crap but they're gonna tell up what we foot necessarily want to hear

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 23, 2012 3:26 PM

Hi, Rodinsthinker72.
Quote:
"Peaceful, toxic or not friends are still friends."
Unquote.

You may have all the toxic friends you like. I will continue to choose NOT to have any toxic friends. My reasoning? With toxic friends, who needs enemies?

Continuing to mix with people who encourage you to engage in destructive behaviours or who deride you for trying to be more than they aspire to will almost always result in you being less than you can be.

Personally, I choose to associate with positive people, people with a happy disposition, people who encourage or 'challenge' me to be a better person in myself, people who don't drain me but rather inspire me.

Please feel free to make your own choices rather than be influenced by any choices of mine.

Hi, LLTD.
Narcissists are experts at this sort of thing. As John suggested above, be aware of how you feel before you meet up with them and also of how you feel after you have met up with them. If you come out of it with a deficit, don't go back.

At least the Red Cross will thank you and give you a cup of tea for what they drain out of you.

Just my 0.02.

You all have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 22, 2012 11:38 PM

Good question oh Peaceful one, what about the other type of "friends", ie., the emotional vampires? The real life Dementors who suck your energy, darkly seductive, draw you in with charm, talent, pulse pounding excitement.

It's almost supernatural how quickly emotional vampires can get you to trust them, then, just as quickly, get under your skin and drain you dry.

Posted by: ladylikestodance at January 22, 2012 7:40 PM

Hi Everyone,
Don't all kill me at once now, but I think toxicity can be a perception. The fact is that we are all human and we all have areas of weakness and failure. That comes with being human. Now one man's measure of failure will certainly differ to another man's (generically speaking). I am currently dealing with the idea of toxicity in my family. One sister has separated herself from the rest of the family because she believes the family is toxic. Her assumptions are built upon her untrue conclusions about other certain family members actions. This has driven a wedge in the relationship. Now a little bit more communication, knowledge of the truth, and understanding might help a resolution to occur. But for now it is not.
In our friendships it is possible to be hanging around people who do not bring out the best in us. Instead, they nurture behaviours which are not as we would like, were we to stop and think. This is what John is getting at I think. If we stop and think about how we want our lives to be, we can change things to shape up to how we like. If we don't stop and think about our friends and the effects they have upon us, we can be hindered from being the emancipated human beings that we can be.
For my sister, it has taken separation from the family to mold her life into exactly the life she wants for herself and her family. She now has an excellent husband with a six figure income and is very happy. She now has relationships with the family on her terms and can deal with that.
With friends, sometimes moving into new circles and developing new friendships can help us discover more about ourselves and become better versions of who we are. If we are mixing with one crowd and are secretly longing for a partner from a different crowd....it probably won't work.
For me, this year is going to be a year of new definitions. Onward and upward!

Posted by: bizzygurl at January 22, 2012 7:10 PM

Peaceful, toxic or not friends are still friends.
Rodin

Posted by: rodinsthinker72 at January 22, 2012 6:50 PM

Hi, Folks.
This post is addressed to NOBODY in particular and yet to everybody.

The title of this blog in itself poses a fairly serious question.

"If they are TOXIC, are they FRIENDS?"

And another:

"If they are TOXIC,WHY are they 'friends'?"

I would have thought that the term, 'associates' would have been more appropriate and the next question would be, "Just why are you associating with them in the first place?"

Nudder kwestyun - if I may - "If you have toxic friends, what does that say about you?" After all, birds of a feather are supposed to flock together, are they not?

Maybe a look in the mirror might be in order.

Curious minds want to know.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 22, 2012 4:58 PM

Sorry sososophy, i confused myself too, i think :) ... it was something i suppose was one of those moments where you just had to be there ...
I could well be the toxic one ... mmmm
Rodin :)

Posted by: rodinsthinker72 at January 21, 2012 12:41 PM

tinkerbelle, once again you have eloquently summed up what most of us older people have been through once we became single. A beautifully written post.

a very, appreciative big!!

Posted by: thebigman9 at January 21, 2012 11:19 AM

Toxic friends, got rid of them, it's the toxic family members I have trouble with! Constantly passing judgement on people without getting to know them, tearing me down in front of my friends, behaving in a snooty fashion then wondering why I won't talk to them! If I do have the good fortune to meet a guy on here,I hope he has a thick skin!

Posted by: lady3152 at January 21, 2012 10:18 AM

Hi Rodin
I lost interest in your recount after the words you used..... I HAD MY CHANCE TO GET HER BACK. I then was a little confused as to whom was being toxic, YOU or A, B or C or all of the above!

Posted by: sososophy at January 21, 2012 10:05 AM

Your "true" friends want you to be happy and meet someone. Friends who become toxic are often threatened that they may lose you, or the frequency of being with you, if you meet a "significant" other. We all have friends with esteem or confidence issues, I dont believe that you rid of your friends because they display one aspect of this kind of behaviour. We all have different dimensions to us, it just depends on the depth and impact of the behaviour. You would hope that your solid friends will remain constant when the person you assume is "the one" may not.

Posted by: frangelico1960 at January 21, 2012 8:36 AM

My wife is toxic...Does that count? Guess that's why i left her!

Posted by: greatguy1973 at January 21, 2012 6:48 AM

Nope I don't have toxic friends

Got rid of them! lol

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 20, 2012 11:32 PM

How is this about making friends on RSVP ... a few months back i met a lady (for this i'll refer to her as "A") in another country town, a bit of a drive from where i am. We met for a drink and as friends its been a barrel of laughs since. So the friendship thing has worked for us on that, and then a few weeks later i met up again with another lady "B" in the same area as "A" (this is the country Im talking about). Well during our coffee and chat and a bit of dinner i kept getting texts from "A" and then a panic text that she had intruders outside her house. At least "B" had a giggle about it, but i dont hear from her any more (funny that!). The following day i caught up with another friend "C" that i met with from RSVP previously, in the same area again. Friend "A" as the toxic stirrer she turned out to be, turns up in the park where I was meeting with "C". How embarassing ... it turned out that they knew each other and then i was left out of the conversation while they gas-bagged on about what each other has been up to ...

Well shortly afterwards (same day) i had my chance to get her back though. She met with a guy at the pub and so "C" and I gatecrashed hers and started joking about "A" in front of this new guy. It didnt work because she is now seeing this guy regularly. He somehow thought it was funny and stuck with her .. :S

That's toxic friends for you .. but we're still friends! :) This is a true story ...

Rodin :)

Posted by: rodinsthinker72 at January 20, 2012 6:34 PM

Good work John, I think a lot of us have been blessed with a few of these in our lives and I certainly have. Some of them are gone from my life and others are now on a "different", more balanced, respectful footing. It took a lot of patience, perseverance, openness and tact along with a general acceptance that what we shared and the way we shared it was no longer acceptable to me. If that meant that "we went our separate ways" then so be it. I may not have been exactly happy about it (in one sense) but I accepted it as a possible, and even probable outcome. They always have the right to act and be exactly as they choose - and so do I.

Now all I have to do is keep walking the talk... (Lol), and of course enjoy all the beautiful, wonderful people in my life. My thanks and appreciation go to all of them, for without the "difficult" ones I would not have the clarity that I do about what is important to me... and what isn't!!!

Posted by: tinkerbelle57 at January 20, 2012 2:01 PM

"- You engage in destructive behaviour with them (e.g. drinking, drugs, unsafe sex, gambling etc.)" - Sex?, Not usually something i 'do with' my friends, although everybody's circle is different i guess!

Posted by: damiannz at January 20, 2012 1:43 PM