RSVP Blog

When to meet the family

when to meet the family There are many things that can move your relationship forward from casual to more serious. Deciding to be exclusive, moving in together, getting a joint bank account, saying "I'm in love with you", going away on holiday together, and making future long-term plans will all have this effect. Just as significant as these, is the decision to introduce your new partner to your close friends and family.

But when should you do this and are there any particular questions you can ask yourself that will help you move forward?

When thinking about this decision there's a number of issues that can come up. For starters, making these introductions are a signal to your partner that you see your relationship as being serious. But are you really sure about where you stand with them and what you want long-term?

Also, your family may consist of a variety of weird and wonderful personalities, and is your partner ready to be exposed to all of this? Then, there are the habits of your friends. Will they welcome new partners with open arms or are they prickly and closed to newcomers? And do they act in ways that might embarrass your partner?

The fact is, when you get to this stage it's a big decision that's much more than just a simple introduction to your social networks. It's taking things to another level and letting your partner into your inner circle. With this in mind - here's several questions to help you with this decision:

1) Are you rushing things?

There's no need to rush when introducing your partner to your closest friends and family members. You want to have spent some time getting to know them and seeing how you click together. Give yourself time before moving forward with these introductions so that you know whether your relationship has the potential to go the distance.

2) How do you feel about them?

It's not a good idea to introduce new partners to family or friends if you're unsure about how you feel about them. You want to be in love with them and feel secure about your relationship. You also want to have experienced these feelings consistently over a solid period of time.

3) Are you interested in someone else?

Forget about introducing your new partner to your social networks if you hold onto feelings for another person, are still dating, or currently sleeping with someone else. Your heart and body needs to be totally committed to one person only if you're going to take it further with introductions.

4) Have you discussed couple values and goals?

You want to be on the same page as a couple before catching up with Mum and Dad for Sunday dinner! This means having discussed bigger topics like marriage, having children, living together, finances, religion, parenting styles and sex. You want to be clear about these areas and be working as a team.

5) Will you stand up for them?

Before making any introductions to significant people in your life, consider if you're ready and willing to stand up for your new partner? You need to be prepared to support them and stand beside them during these meetings and know that there may be times when you've got to side with them over family or friends. Obviously you hope that this doesn't happen and everybody gets on - but if there are times when they need you to put them first - you want to be certain that you can stand up. It's a great test for how you really feel about them.

6) Would they get on with your kids?

Before throwing your new partner into your family and friends network, it's worthwhile considering how you feel about also introducing them to your kids (if you have any)? If you can't really see them mixing well with your little ones - then why waste your time with introducing them to your friends and other family members? You need to be thinking big picture, and they need to give you confidence in this area if you're going to move it forward.

Over to you - when do you know it's the right time to meet friends or family?

John Aiken, RSVP dating and relationship expert
For more advice and free relationship tips go to www.johnaikenadvice.com

Posted by John November 10, 2011 9:09 AM

Latest Comments

Hi all, I'm only guessing but Christmas wouldn't be the best time to meet the family would it? Ha, ha, ha, ha!!!

M xxx

Posted by: margie284 at December 22, 2011 12:27 PM

I'm sure it was Bruce. Sometimes we don't have choices in meetings; they just happen. Sometimes we lose people the same way. My little birds are flying the coup. One has gone to another nest and another (my most flighty one) is gone and is finding a new home. Life moves on rather quickly, doesn't it! Now I'm enjoying each day with the ones still here and I must say, it's so different as each one goes. The dynamics change. Good heavens I might even say that I'm getting old! :)

Posted by: bizzygurl at December 11, 2011 10:53 PM

Back in 1956 when I met the family, it was an awkward experience.

Posted by: brucedw at December 9, 2011 8:56 PM

Barb I'm sure your family isn't that bad. But one step at a time does work well.
I think I am a little apprahensive about any guy meeting my kids....it would be very overwhelming. They would all be talking so much like a flock of seagulls. And then there's the kisses and hugs they would have to endure if they met them again. My youngest hugs everyone at school...staff, cleaners etc. He simply loves everyone. So that would make me put it off for a while and is a reminder to me of how easily kids become attached to people.

Posted by: reminiscing1 at December 4, 2011 4:31 PM

God help any poor guy who meets my family. Love every single one of them dearly but it's the most convoluted family I've ever known. Individually, they're ok (well, most of them) but meeting them en masse can be very...um...exhausting. One day I may write a book - it would have to be autobiographical - fictionalised it would be "O yeah sure, as if!

This is why my niece has introduced her mother to her new BF but the rest of us are getting no access until their relationship is cemented! Wise girl!

I would be the same if introducing any guy to my family. Because I have no children I have been second mum to ALL my nieces & nephews including adopted & steps. Also the go to person when any of the oldies need looking after - they would have serious problems accepting a relationship that may mean I may have to say "NO".

Not complaining at all, love them all, and as close to them as if they were my own kids, (only one oldie left - the most important one) but, at this stage of my life, if I should be lucky enough to connect with THE person, then they would all have to look after themselves/each other.

Somehow, I don't think the situation is going to be a problem any time soon. All my life I have been attracted to the wrong type of guy but, I have a feeling that, in my fifties, I have grown up and realised what a true relationship is based on.

Not sure, looking at anecdotal evidence, that I'll find that relationship here but, already I've connected with a lot of people who will, hopefully, become friends. To me, at this stage, that is just as important.

Like Bigman (hope I made into the 'friends' description before he didn't want any more because he's such a sweetheart) I may become sick of 'just friends' one day but I'm a long way from there yet!

Posted by: barbaraw at December 2, 2011 10:44 PM

Personally haven't progressed to the stage of introducing family, but if /when that happens, I like Sweetmix's scenario. Keep it casual and making sure both are comfortable with the scenario.

Diannadating, I hear you. Thought I was I good judge of character too. But after reading Amber's insightful (you are such a wise woman - would love to meet you), post, I can see their MO.

Margie, splattered I was, sista.

Posted by: ladylikestodance at December 2, 2011 8:38 AM

Wow Dianna
That is hard for you.
I think some men from those middle-eastern cultures only tend to think of women as either 'virgins' or 'whores' and not much else.
Not all middle-eastern men are like that of course - but if he is - you need to find that our fairly quickly I think!

Stories like yours are good lessons for the rest of us as to what to look out for.
Any woman can be sucked in if a man is clever enough.
Sounds though he was a man who 'liked to be in control' always a warning sign I think.

I hope you are soon feeling better.

And Margie:
Yep "splat" is a much better description - another non-CAM gold moment :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at December 1, 2011 7:44 AM

thank you for empathising with me amberlight rose.
im actually quite a strong woman dont fall for these kinds,however as i had not been in a relationship for quite a while my choice, this was a second persian man in a row, 5 years apart..not one to judge so i gave him the benefit of the doubt, they cant all be the same surely i told myself. and he did his Upmost to prove it! wow before i knew it i was swept off my feet. i guess hearing him tell my mother he loved her like his own made the union complete, well i thought. we are not together anymore as he chose to break up with me over the phone with out reason, coward i know.. but yes a lesson learnt once again. anyone reading keep away from these cirtain individuals if you know what i mean. i cirtainly will. thanks again for listening.

Posted by: diannadating11 at November 30, 2011 8:53 PM

Yes Amber, that dreaded pedestal. You are also right in that you don't fall off it, you are actually pushed. I beg to differ though on one point, it's more like a 'splat'!

CAM xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 30, 2011 7:33 PM

Posted by: diannadating1 at November 29, 2011 8:54 PM

My sincere sympathies Dianna,

Sadly I think you have learned the hard way - that people who declare their undying love for you within a few days of meeting you - aren't actually 'in love' with YOU at all.
They are merely 'in love' with the 'fantasy you' and the idea of love and whirlwind romance - and you are just a 'symbol' of what they are looking/hoping for.

So they place you on some imaginary pedestal and then when you start being human they push you off. Plop.
And now that things have become less fantasy-like they are gone so fast you don't see them for dust!

I am so sorry this happened to you - but I think the recently-separated and the 'fantasy-seekers' are in huge numbers on dating sites.
And should be avoided if at all possible.

The recently-separated are looking for someone to help them ease their pain (and avoid introspection at all costs) and the 'fantasy-seekers' are looking for their one 'true-love' - the person who with one wave of their magic wand will make their dreams reality.
Which unless they stumble across 'Kira' from Xanadu in their travels - is an impossibility.

And then of course, there are the rest of us........

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 30, 2011 12:35 PM

Posted by: diannadating1 at November 29, 2011 8:54 PM

My sincere sympathies Dianna,

I am so sorry this happened to you - but I think the recently-separated and the 'fantasy-seekers' are in huge numbers on dating sites.
And should be avoided if at all possible.

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 30, 2011 12:34 PM

Posted by: daveshere at November 29, 2011 9:09 PM

I await the next "chapter" Is this relationship still working??

Sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at November 30, 2011 10:10 AM

i did it my way -

I met a women on RSVP in May and after sometime i had met her brother and some of her friends. - having 4 daughters i couldn't work out how to do the intro - I had spoken to my girls and came up with this situation.

My "date" was flying in from an interstate trip and i was picking her up at the airport at 5.00pm. I arranged for the kids to meet us at a hotel for dinner that night at 6.00. I said i would be bringing ####.

I had told her before she boarded the plane to fly to Melbourne that i had booked for dinner at a country pub. I picked her up from the airport, drove to the pub, we walked inside and there were my 4 daughters and granddaughter waiting for us in a lounge chair section. She hit me, as soon as she recognised them from photos i had shown her. We were all dressed casually

She later thanked me for doing it that way, she told me she had been stressing about meeting them and this way it just happened, she didn't have any time to worry.

My moral - may not work for everyone but i got it right on the night - now meeting her mum - that's a different story.
cheers
dave

Posted by: daveshere at November 29, 2011 9:09 PM

To all the ladies out there,
beware the persian man who proclaims hes love for you within 1 week and wants to meet your family within 2 weeks, i got done it and it can happen to you. All im saying is that most of us are looking for love and can get carried away, even the smartest of us. just be careful.

Posted by: diannadating1 at November 29, 2011 8:54 PM

I think sometimes it is more appropriate to just let things fall into place rather than actually making plans to meet "The Family". An example of this would be if both people have been sharing a little with their respective families about the new bf/gf and after a while one of the family says..

"Hey..we are having a get together on the weekend..how about you bring your friend along.." With this invitation in mind the other person can be approached and asked how they feel about it. If feeling relaxed about it then fine, if not, perhaps a little later into the relationship both parties will feel more comfortable and it will be "all systems go!" Whatever happens this will be a good time to discuss feelings on the matter.

Sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at November 27, 2011 1:48 PM

Well then Big - you start :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 25, 2011 10:31 AM

Hey folks, get back onto the topic!!

Posted by: thebigman9 at November 24, 2011 9:16 PM

LLTD I don't know if it is the same in the comments box but I used to have the same problem with the cursor jumping to the top while typing emails. I got on to RSVP and they told me to turn off rich text and it has been fine since

AnA

Posted by: ananachronism at November 23, 2011 6:42 PM

Posted by: mishka79 at November 20, 2011 3:00 PM

"btw does anyone else have any posting issues? I'm often getting an error message saying i'm not logged in when i select 'post your comment' and then of course i lose my post altogether...i'm copying it this time just in case! lol"

Yes indeed.

RSVP should have fixed this issue by now.
I copy my post and when I get the error:

"Failed as you are not signed in"

Re Sign in Past and post.

RSVP need a kick up there butt.

But maybe thats just me.

Regards - Stephen.

BTW: If you use Microsoft Word for Edit/Spell check reasons Copy and Past you work into Notepad then past here.

This site using HTML will not correctly format Word documents.

Posted by: stephen54 at November 23, 2011 5:55 PM

I seem to have been in luck with posting lately which is a plus....quite possible showing my age though when I say I wish sometimes I could just 'like' other peoples comments though! :)

Posted by: mishka79 at November 23, 2011 5:36 PM

Stephen54
I have a problem when I type in the "comments" box, after a few lines the cursor skips up to the begining and overwrites the text.

Not sure if it's a gremlin in RSVP or this new fangled iMac. I'll try it on the PC to see.

Sweetmixture, re your daughter sitting in the same cafe - too funny. My daughter's reaction would be the same!

Re when to meet the family?
Well I haven't got that far yet, this warrior's had a few false starts, some bruiseing, one rather deep gash, but....dusting myself off, chin up, face forward, ready for another battle....bring it on I say!

Posted by: ladylikestodance at November 23, 2011 9:17 AM

mishka79 at November 20, 2011 3:00 PM

"btw does anyone else have any posting issues? I'm often getting an error message saying i'm not logged in when i select 'post your comment' and then of course i lose my post altogether"

Yes a very commom issue that RSVP should have fixed by now.

Posted by: stephen54 at November 23, 2011 3:48 AM

I was just reminded of Mrs Bouquet's (Bucket) family! Hahahaha..She didn't want any of her friends meeting them! Lol!!! Oh my!!!

Sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at November 22, 2011 8:50 AM

lordy, lordy, what a lot of froth and bubble about such a simple topic. Your real friends will be only too pleased to meet your new love-life if he/she makes you happy. Same should go for your rels; your children's opinions are the most important, (the last lady-friend that my children met, well they liked her a lot - said that she was "awesome") but the other rels are just extras - if they don't likeher/him, well then just don't contact them for a few months, (or a year). Works for me.

Posted by: exmelbourne at November 21, 2011 4:31 PM

Mishka ty... :) type your comments in the box and before you post..highlight..then right click and click copy..Then post your comment..if you get the error message..get the topic back and paste what you copied..post again..keep doing this until it is successful..smiles..I had to try 7 times recently..for heavens sake! LOL RSVP get this fixed SOON please..cheers!

Sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at November 20, 2011 6:48 PM

Bit of a mixed bag with this one. If I were to follow point 2's advice then it could be ages before i would introduce them to my family and friends! I think if you both like each other and you can see the relationship progressing and a potential future, and happy to meet each others friends/family then you should. But I think it should go both ways. Sweetmix that would have been really hard opening up your life completely like that and not getting it in return :(

I guess I don't feel that I would need to be completely in love with them and ready to move in together, so to speak, before introducing them. My friends and family are really important in my life and if I'm seeing someone and happy about where its going I would really want them to be a part of that. I suppose if you have young children (as apposed to none or those old enough to look after themselves) then I would agree you would probably want to be pretty sure before introducing someone to them, but i'm not in that situation so guess its hard to speculate.

btw does anyone else have any posting issues? I'm often getting an error message saying i'm not logged in when i select 'post your comment' and then of course i lose my post altogether...i'm copying it this time just in case! lol

Posted by: mishka79 at November 20, 2011 3:00 PM

Heh, well I have not told my children about Mummy dating since I got on the site for me it was essentially to establish some friendships first, as that was more important and considering the ...umm..state of the break up it was just easier keeping it hidden, but since i get text messages now and the kids ask who is calling have just decided to tell them straight out "oh Mummy's friend," and give the name it's so they get used to the idea that I have friends lol as Mummy I think isn't even to have girlfriends is their attitude...
It is like a friend came and mowed my lawns for me as I've been unwell and recovering the kids thought I had done it and they know I'm pretty unwell at moment so they told me off for mowing the lawn so I told them Mummy's friend came and mowed it for her and told his name they were ok with it.
I think when I explained to them a couple of months ago when we were sitting eating and they asked if I would get married again and would they have to call him dad that I explained that they only had one Dad but if I got a boyfriend or gasp got married again they did not have to call him dad but could call him by his name and he would be like a really good friend to them they were ok especially when I said if your dad gets a girlfriend and marries her will you call her mum? They said no I was their mum. :D
So that's my view on it if you say they will be a friend to you too I think they will be ok.

Liss

Posted by: lostliss at November 20, 2011 8:30 AM

Posted by: thebigman9 at November 18, 2011 7:45 PM & Posted by: stephen54 at November 18, 2011 9:02 PM ...too right, usually the relationship friendships (hee, hee) do wither and die or just simply stop! So jump in. Kids go off on their life paths, your parents are already on theirs and for you, you say "I'm really happy being with this person now so there it is". Not Hard!

M xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 18, 2011 10:03 PM

For gods sake if "she " is your women just intruduce her.

Is that so hard?

Posted by: stephen54 at November 18, 2011 9:02 PM

I can't see what the issue is about meeting friends and family. Maybe that's down to my age but, surely if the two of you are happy with each other, who gives a shit what family and friends think of your new partner? My mother-in-law didn't like me from the day we first met and that didn't change for the 30+ years I was married! Do you really think I'm going to care if my parents, my siblings, my children don't like my new partner? To be frank, I wouldn't care less if they didn't approve. It's my life and I'll do what makes me happy not what makes my family and friends happy. I'm not going to spend the rest of my life worrying about whether or not my new partner (if I can ever find one that is!!) is liked by family and friends. If we like/love each other, if we're happy together, if we are getting along and enjoying each other's company, that's all that matters.

Family and friends have two choices, they can accept I have someone new in my life that's making me happy and contented, or they don't. I can't do anything about the second choice. They're the ones that have to adapt to the new situation not me. If they can't, it's their loss. I will still see my family because they're my family and nothing will ever change the love I have for them. Friends that can't accept the new partner, well, they can't have been that good friends in the first place. And realistically, after a long relationship has terminated, the friendships that were part-n-parcel of that relationship, are probably going to wither away as you move forward in your life.

Posted by: thebigman9 at November 18, 2011 7:45 PM

Lol! I was just reminded of a funny thing that happened in my early days of coffee dates when I had not told my daughter that I was starting to date again..

I was having coffee with a very nice gentleman (one with whom I still keep in touch) and we were talking about our families when all of a sudden my daughter, her husband, and the three children walked past the coffee shop and parked themselves at a table and chairs outside the coffee shop lol!

I gasped and made a comment to my friend and he thought I was joking when I stated.."Oh my gosh!...speaking of my family..there they are!" lol My first impulse was to run out the coffee shop via the door on the other side of the shop to where my daughter was..I was all panic stricken..lol..that's so funny thinking back now hehehe.. I felt so guilty about being on a date....My friend would not let me get up to get out of the shop, telling me I needed to confront my daughter and I suddenly realised how silly I was being. I told him I was going to go out and say hello to the family, which I did, leaving him at the table as I was not sure how my daughter would react. My granddaughter asked was I going to join them for dinner and I remarked back.. "No Grandma is having coffee with a friend" lol Then of course my daughter asked who the friend was..I just said "A man friend" lol..Should have seen her face..sheesh..She was horrified. My son-in law had to remind her that I could see anyone I wanted and it wasn't a crime to do so! Hahahah..However it was a big thing back then for her and myself after being married and with the same man for 35 years...sighhhh... I excused myself and returned to my friend who was quietly laughing at the scene which had unfolded lol!

Since then my daughter realises that I am my own person and I do not need her permission for anything I decide to do in my life lol!

Sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at November 18, 2011 11:25 AM

Well the family was all questions, Were did you meet her? how did you meet her?

Well - All very good conversation starter.

Hahaha

Posted by: stephen54 at November 17, 2011 10:19 PM

towhomitmayconcern52 at November 10, 2011 12:57 PM

"To expand on that I feel that meeting 'the family' is best done simply as a matter of course and not at a function put on for that purpose only."

Exactly!

Posted by: stephen54 at November 17, 2011 9:03 PM

Twimc I am with you on this one and I am confident that my family would welcome, love and appreciate any man who treated me well and brought more love, happiness and joy into my world. They would respect my decision and they would celebrate my happiness just as you are doing with your sister. Well done and much, much more happiness to everyone.

Posted by: tinkerbelle57 at November 17, 2011 4:14 PM

Aardvark...Are you saying that if a family member or friends did not accept or approve or like a person that you were serious about, it would impact on your continuing that relationship? I feel that family, friends etc should accept and respect the relationship choices based simply on the fact that you are happy. It doesnt make any difference to my personal taste, likes or dislikes when it comes to someone elses partner,,If I see that they are happy {which should be all that we want for each other anyway} then that's good enough for me to welcome them with open arms. My sister has recently gotten somewhat serious with a new man but I am yet to meet him but guess what ? I like him already because I see how happy and excited she is and it's largely due to her new boyfriend. That is what I love about him, he makes my sister happy.

Posted by: towhomitmayconcern52 at November 15, 2011 3:50 PM

Twimc your last few lines made me laugh (and I like that) so thanks. Sweetmixture I too have been in that place of learning, growing and acceptance and in this particular instance it was not about the level of happiness that dictated the longevity of the relationship but the level of sadness, and more to the point the fact that the sadness cannot and would not be alleviated. For me, it was beyond sad to realising that the other party was totally oblivious to how their thoughts and actions impacted on others but more so in the fact that in their mind everything was perfectly ok. It is an interesting place to be in when you still love them but, realise that you have no future together... (again when to go and when to stay).

As for introducing a significant other to the family - well, I imagine it will be along the lines of what has already been suggested. I think my children (19, 25) would be horrified should I bring anyone home and eeeeuuuuwwww just would not cut it!!! Lol...

Posted by: tinkerbelle57 at November 15, 2011 10:31 AM

This all depends if you want a serious relationship or you are just dating. If you want it to be serious the sooner the better as your family and friends reaction/acceptance of your new partner will be important to a long, happy relationship, before you get serious. If you are just dating the family may be curious but will not mind you socialising.

Posted by: aardvark at November 15, 2011 9:51 AM

Timesrightnow1....Your story made me laugh, although a situation like that can be totally cringeworthy think of it like this.. Every focker that you introduce will make YOU appear more normal and appealing etc etc. The rose between the thorns as such..
I once was honestly of the impression that I belonged to the ONLY family of fockers on this earth..........
and then there was RSVP.

Posted by: towhomitmayconcern52 at November 12, 2011 7:17 PM

Yes..the bigman9 is quite correct when he says that this post is aimed more at the younger generation as many of us (many, not all lol!) here on the posts do not have "little ones" anymore and if we do they are our grandchildren lol!

For my generation and talking for myself, meeting the family would have to be when both had reached a comfortable level with each other and perhaps an invitation may be forthcoming from my daughter say for a barbeque or dinner etc...

My daughter did get rather strange when I broke up with my first new relationship after the death of her father. She told me she didn't want my grandchildren to get too attached to people in my life and then find the person had disappeared, so in the future she didn't want to invite me over with anyone unless the relationship was very established. That kind of threw me as I didn't know why she couldn't just say to the children that I was coming over with a friend. Wasn't as if I was going to be dating a new guy every week lol..Anyway I debated with her about it and then just accepted her call knowing ultimately she would invite me sooner or later if I was dating as she would want to know what kind of a man I was going out with..She is a sticky beak lol Rolls my eyes!

In actual fact the family and friends thing was the reason I broke off with the last relationship, sadly..sighhh. I know under the circumstances it was the right thing to do. After 18 months, he had been meeting my family, my friends, being involved in my social circle, staying at my home and yet did not invite me anywhere near his home ground, let alone his home. It was kind of sad actually but it sure did iron things out when we had a huge discussion on it. We both decided to move on as the relationship was not growing..so there you have the "wondering whether to move on or stay" decision lol
If I could have just kept seeing him and those things had not bothered me then I guess he would still be in my life but I felt there was something wrong and was not prepared to accept things the way they were.

Surprisingly enough, although I enjoyed his company, I can't say I have really missed him since the split but he was a good guy in many ways and we did share some lovely times together. I have no regrets and accept that our relationship ran its course and then ended,,smiles..Someone who is right for me will want to reciprocate when it comes to the friend and family side at the appropriate time further down the track....

I agree with reminiscing and had reached that point myself personally but according to my man friend, he couldn't understand why things had to change. "C'est la vie!"...

Sweetmix (63).

Posted by: sweetmixture at November 12, 2011 11:50 AM

Once upon a time, I used to think that the ONLY person I would take to meet the family was the man I was serious with. NOW? I'm single. I'm dating. And it's no big deal. If I feel like it, I will... Doesn't really worry me anymore - My family will be happy to see that I'm out there keeping my options open lol... This DOESN'T mean that I'll be introducing EVERY date lol.. Naturally, I'd be making sure that I feel comfortable about any possible security/safety/stalking issues for my family (although those things can happen after spending years together too lol)... I dont need to feel lovey dovey mushy mushy to introduce someone... He's simply "my friend"...

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 11, 2011 11:45 PM

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at November 10, 2011 4:56 PM ...I'm sure all of us have that embarassing relative somewhere, don't we? Ha, ha, ha!

Posted by: reminiscing1 at November 10, 2011 10:06 PM ...my siblings and parents all live between 700k and more away so it's not likely that it would happen frequently let alone early on and my kids (2 of whom live 700k away) would be the first on my list of introductions anyway. I think John has hit nails on heads here.

Posted by: thebigman9 at November 10, 2011 5:52 PM ...yeah Big (dad, I don't want to know if you're...), eeeeuuuuwwww! Ha, ha, ha!

Hope everyone's weekend is great!

M xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 11, 2011 6:16 PM

Remi, I agree wholeheartedly with shazzam. It will happen, this coffee/tea meeting between you and I, we just have to be patient and trust our schedules will one day align.

Posted by: thebigman9 at November 11, 2011 5:49 PM

Beautifully put Reminiscing.

Posted by: shazzam5 at November 11, 2011 3:32 PM

I think the points in the article are rather sound. I also think it depends on the lifestyle you live, where you are at in your life etc. I wouldn't be inviting anyone into my family life because to me that's private and no one else's business, unless of course I'd been seeing someone for a while and was certain it could work for the long term. Once I reached that point of certainty I'd be proudly showing him off to everyone, if he didn't mind. For me it's the solidarity between the two that matters most. Other conflicts with family members that may arise would then be worked on. I think it's that knowing that both lives fit together well and both parties are in love with each other that makes the difference. The point of commitment to each other would be my answer.

Posted by: reminiscing1 at November 10, 2011 10:06 PM

Good call TWIMC, however I think you have to remember a lot of the advice John gives is not meant for us baby boomers. My girls have the attitude, 'if you're happy, we're happy for you', and that's all she wrote! They couldn't care less who I was dating and, as they have even less interest if there's intimacy involved (dad, I don't want to know if you're sleeping together as they were both conceived a la Virgin Mary-style!!), meeting them with a 'new' lady isn't even remotely on my agenda.

Posted by: thebigman9 at November 10, 2011 5:52 PM

Talking about meet the Fockers, recently I had a couple of my siblings up for my 50th and boy was I embarrassed by one of them in regard to their childish sexiest behaviour. It was not something I wanted others to observe. It doesn't seem to matter how old some people get they do not seem to mature. I suppose I shouldn't be too concerned after all I am not responsible for other people's behaviour. Hopefully people in the future will remember that if they meet my older sibling in the future they will remember I am not them. Can choose your friends but you can't choose you family I suppose, lol.

I think if you are to introduce anyone to your family in the future that they have gotten to know you very well first, that way judgement of you will be a separate issue from that of your family.

Boy it sounds like I have a nutty family doesn't it, lol. They are all very successful people just have one naughty brother, thank god.

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at November 10, 2011 4:56 PM

In a word.. SHUDDER.
To expand on that I feel that meeting 'the family' is best done simply as a matter of course and not at a function put on for that purpose only.
It shouldn't be made into a big deal.
For my family it isnt a big deal because of the way I act in regards to it..It's like " Oh geez brace yaself, one of the fockers has just driven in "

Posted by: towhomitmayconcern52 at November 10, 2011 12:57 PM

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When to meet the family

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