RSVP Blog

Maximize every experience

Take from it what you need - learn...

If you wish to know something, ASK

If you don't, observe...

And do all of the above with YOURSELF too

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at February 21, 2012 12:45 PM

TRN1 Feeling comfortable to talk about anything, anywhere, be it on the blogs or restaurant, will depend on many variables, not least, where your head is at and who you have chosen to socialise with.

This thread is a continuation of the "Time to talk about sex" topic, whereby you may not be privy to the background. Should you wish to, check out the posts before new year.

Because, trust me, as I know first hand, sharing a meal with Peaceful and our UniqueOne is definitely an experience not for the faint hearted. You will never forget it.

The trickle escalates to steady flow, then a raging torrent, and you can duck for cover, or hun, if you're like moi, take a deep breath and embrace and the opportunity.

It is a conscious desire on my part to be challenged, to learn, to grow. To step outside my self imposed shackles. Especially considering my cultural background and life experience to date. I believe if you stop learning, you stop living.

Personally, would have appreciated a less public venue, but...

PS Our UniqueOne is a granny, bless!.

Posted by: ladylikestodance at February 7, 2012 8:35 PM

"How about just go with the flow and people feeling comfortable enough to talk about whatever they want to talk about when they feel like it - even if its on a tangent?"

I think this statement of Uniques should not only apply to these blogs but it should also apply to getting together socially.

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at February 7, 2012 2:10 PM

How about just go with the flow and people feeling comfortable enough to talk about whatever they want to talk about when they feel like it - even if its on a tangent?

Always good getting back on track and in line with the topic though lol

Anyone else got it down to EXACTLY what they want from their on-line experience?

I always get exactly what I want - its always exactly what I need funnily enough lol. Stuff I need to learn understand & accept

First it was about one man one woman
Then it was about fun
Then it was STUFF THE LOVE lets make it about the money
Then it was about physical attraction
And then came a true understanding about love & acceptance for myself that I was able to truly apply to the lucky man within my current relationship lol

Long way to go but what I have in my life right now regarding love, acceptance, communication, chemistry, and awareness is what I wanted and needed to learn understand accept & experience

This is my 2nd relationship since leaving the husband & matrimonial home in 2008 after 7yrs with him. I learned a lot from that experience and am still coming to realisations about how much I thought I knew when I really had a very small clue lol

Thank goodness for the desire I had to Truly be happy. It gave me the courage to question and challenge my belief system, face some hard truths about my limited thinking and adjust my know it all attitude

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at February 7, 2012 1:25 AM

Hi Big,

If you want us to stop talking about stuff that we find interesting and important, raise your voice a bit and join the requests to RSVP to have a General blog.

I'm sure you've also mentioned Unique's impending grandhood on another topic as well. How about you decide which topic we can use for all the baby info and celebrating after tomorrow?

cheers,
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at February 6, 2012 6:59 PM

Is there any chance we can stop talking about the arrival of our unique one's granddaughter and get this topic back on track? How talking about the birth of a child has anything to do with what I want out of dating is totally beyond me? Yes, I am as guilty as anyone, though in my defence, my post on Jan 21st was in response to one by unique on how to treat your son-in-law.

Now, back to the question. What do I want out of my on-line dating experience as asked by John? I want to read well-written profiles, view recent up-to-date photos, find common interests throughout all the sections and ultimately a new partner. Sounds relatively easy doesn't it? So, why is it so bloody difficult?

Many, many bloggers have commented on the dishonesty of RSVP members purporting to be something or someone they're not. On the other hand, many of us have stated how satisfying it has been that all, or the vast majority, of our meets have been with exactly who we were hoping and expecting to meet (there's those two nasty words again peaceful).

Some will work out, some won't, that's the nature of the beast. For me, it's the thrill of the search that makes it all worthwhile. The initial attraction of the photo, then to find enough common interests in the profile to warrant sending a kiss (sorry peaceful and others, I cannot bring myself to sending an email as the first point of contact), the wait for the reply, the downer of the negative response, the euphoria of the positive, all makes for great theatre.

big, watching Madonna at the Super Bowl. Take note NRL, that's what a half-time show should be like!!

Posted by: thebigman9 at February 6, 2012 12:26 PM

I've already told my G-bubba to come towards the light when she senses it lol. They're clever at pretending that they don't understand what we're saying but they ain't gonna trial this here nana lol

Got my stash of baby necessities ready for when she's allowed to spend time with me. And I will be making her work for her supper!!!

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at February 4, 2012 5:10 PM

Hi, Oh Unique One.
Induction? Have they tried putting a light in there and a sign saying, "This Way Out"?

Or is simply that your daughter is being too good an 'incubator'?

Hope all goes well.

You ALL have a wonderful birth.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at February 4, 2012 9:11 AM

Barbara

you hussy Lmaooooo

Thanks gf lol

Peaceful

Thank you :-)

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at February 3, 2012 9:38 PM

Hi Unique,

Fingers, toes and anything else crossable, crossed for your girl.

If, however, I get a better offer which requires uncrossing - all bets are off.

cheers,
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at February 3, 2012 6:29 PM

Hi, ooouniqueooo.
Hope the stork is a GREAT pilot and does a magnificent landing.

You ALL have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at February 3, 2012 5:44 PM

At the hospital as we speak. She's booked in for an induction Tuesday 7th

Anxiety lessening lol :-)

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at February 3, 2012 12:57 PM

Hey Unique,
Are you a fully-fledged gorgeous grannie yet?

Posted by: amberlightrose at February 3, 2012 9:32 AM

What I want from dating ...

Simple: just to walk away feeling like I had a good time communicating and connecting, bathing and joking with someone in a very open, natural, and uninhibited way

About anything everything and nothing in particular

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at February 1, 2012 6:45 AM

Its all good big man

I thankyou for your concern and know exactly where you're coming from.

I always come from a place of love. & understanding for both sides for the reason you state. Its all about doing what's best for my daughter and the baby.

I've had a bit of interaction with the boy already and he has been receptive because of my approach. It will always be one that considers his thoughts and feelings (it HAS to - my daughter needs to learn and understand how to communicate and consider him that way) and he knows it. And she knows it.

But they also BOTH understand that my primary concern is always going to be for my daughter - I've had this discussion with then and told them that it is not my life. Not my decisions. Not my choices. Not my place to TELL them what to do. He has his responsibilities and she has hers etc

Don't worry I'm not the shit stirring stand over merchant type lol. I'm all about peace and harmony and letting my daughter have her own experience

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 21, 2012 10:40 PM

Oh boy unique, are you asking for trouble! Speaking from bitter learnt experience both with my ex-mother-in-law and my current son-in-law, there's nothing worse than a mother stepping in when she thinks something's not 'right'.

My mother-in-law did it repeatedly during our early married years and it became so bad we stopped visiting which was extremely difficult for my ex-wife as she was very close to her dad. This no-visit situation continued for quite a long time until we graduated to me dropping my ex and the kids off and picking hem up a few hours later. All the way until we separated my MIL and I barely tolerated each other. And the reason - I went to a Catholic School and she was raised to believe we were the most evil people on earth! Interestingly her other SIL is also Catholic but, as he's a builder and I was a lowly school teacher, he was welcomed.

And now the situation is almost being reversed. Our SIL is a total waste of space who's only managed to do one thing right as far as we're concerned. He fathered our beautful g'daughter. Regardless of the fact that he's living in our home rent-free, I gave him my father's car, my ex pays for their daughter's pre-school fees, their electricity bills and most of their other living expenses, he won't lift a finger to help around the house. My ex has had to employ a gardener and a cleaner because he's just too frigging lazy to do anything. But we can't do anything because our daughter loves him and, unique, you'd be well advised to listen to and heed that comment.

The surest way for you to lose contact with your new g'daughter is to step in when they're having problems, or, you think he's not doing the right thing by your daughter. If it's abuse, then by all means, jump in, belt the living daylights out of him and call in the cops. Otherwise, unless your daughter asks for help, please, please let them sort it out for themselves. or will face a lifelong animosity from him if you start interfering in what would be considered normal marital hassles.

big, improving every day!!

Posted by: thebigman9 at January 21, 2012 11:13 AM

Just joined fitness first to offset the boxing &muay Thai with Pilates and body balance classes - the sauna, steam, and aromatherapy rooms are a bonus

Plenty to do for this little black duck peaceful. Including a couple of personal fitness trainers

*cough cough*

As for the SIL... The only time I will step in is when I can see my baby ain't happy

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 19, 2012 12:43 AM

Hi, ooouniqueooo.
I'm guessing that your 'clients' at work are NOT inferring that you look like you want to take somebody out ON A DATE. Kee pem guessing.

So as well as all the 'rehabilition' work that you do for a crust, you now have a spare time project as well with S-I-L.

I hope you have some other interests or pursuits to alleviate the monotony of all that 'rehab' work and to provide a little light relief.

Keep us posted on the progress of the youngster.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 18, 2012 12:07 PM

Funny that

even the clients at work (and I'm talkin serious clout here on the wrong side of the tracks) have been saying I look like I wanna take somebody out lol

Sometimes its better to remain mysterious -the unknown can be both attractive and unsettling... Always ready for action myself :-).

But on a lighter note, the SIL knows better. My job is simply to ensure that he knows his pole as the baby daddy. Unfortunately, he has not come from am environment that has taught him what his responsibilities as a man are.

And that's ok. He's learning.

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 17, 2012 5:56 PM

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 17, 2012 12:34 AM

I agree Peaceful - he is likely to end up having a VERY squeaky voice :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 17, 2012 11:44 AM

Hmmmmmmmm???????

Methinks God had better help S-I-L if he becomes D-H 'cos it don't sound like he is gonna get much change from the Unique one. LOL.

You have a wonderful day, Lady.
May your daughter have a wonderful birth.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 17, 2012 12:34 AM

hahaha peaceful... you still on about the age thing? lol

now you KNOW it in your bones hehe... i will NOT be acting like a grandmother any time soon... maybe a dirty disgraceful cougar nana yeah hahaha

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 16, 2012 8:38 PM

Hi, ooouniqueooo.
Congratulations on the impending 'age status symbol' - grandchild.

So are you going to start acting like a grandmother now? I doubt it.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 16, 2012 4:16 PM

Amber

Thanks :-)

I will let you all know how I feel about being a nana when I get there lol. At this point I just wanna make sure my baby is happy enough. And that the son in law is not being a D-H

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 16, 2012 11:50 AM

Ooh congrats Unique - keep us informed :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 15, 2012 6:53 PM

Posted by: barbaraw at January 14, 2012 9:12 PM

Hey Barb - Unique might have been otherwise occupied you know :)

So how many bloggers showed up? Were there a few non-bloggers as well?
What about 'crystal ball gazers"?
LLTD was keen to meet one of those :)

We had a bloggers meet in Adelaide a few years ago - but only about 6 of us showed up - although it was open invitation to everyone too.
Had a great night - lots of fun and NO pressure :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 15, 2012 5:47 PM

It was my daughters baby shower and I actually took the day off work for it Barbara

LOL the last thing I am is a chicken darlin lol

plus I dont have a car - my choice - so yes getting everything organised for yesterday took all day but it was worth it to see the smile on her face.

I will be a nana in 2wks give or take :-)

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 15, 2012 4:16 PM

Sounds like you guys "rocked on"... Good on you.

Posted by: tinkerbelle57 at January 15, 2012 2:27 PM

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 14, 2012 10:50 AM

Yeah, right!

Did your engagement last from noon till 9pm plus?

CHICKEN................!!!

Posted by: barbaraw at January 14, 2012 9:12 PM

Look forward to the photos lol

I would have been there if I didn't have a prior engagement xox

Enjoy :-)

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 14, 2012 10:50 AM

OMG a cub in uniform and a whip welding chocolate obsessed Domanatrix!
Note to self: order black leather & lace corselette from Ebay, post haste.

PS Just had a vision; femmes turning up on Saturday, dressed to kill, Bridget Jones style, sans the bunny ears! LOL.

Posted by: ladylikestodance at January 13, 2012 12:47 PM

Rodins

Hahaha Damm straight lol and if anyone brings a whip it will be ME - along with a set of cuffs lol

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 12, 2012 4:40 PM

Exmelbourne; bring it on mate! just someone has to bring the video because, as they say, unless it is on video it never happened! hahaha ... just no posting on the net! Lol
Unique ... we're the team to beat!
Rodin :)

Posted by: rodinsthinker72 at January 12, 2012 9:30 AM

Posted by: rodinsthinker72 at January 8, 2012 9:30 PM
I've just caught up with this particular blog. "Jelly and whipped cream" - NOW you're talking, m'lad. You bring the jelly and cream and I'll bring the whip!!

Posted by: exmelbourne at January 11, 2012 11:45 PM

Hi, LLTD.
I can think of a lot worse afflictions and addictions but you didn't mention tittyhugs.

For those who can't handle the ones that surface 'too soon', if they cain't handle the heat they'd best stay out of the kitchen.

Be like Berger paint, Lady. Keep on keeping on.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 9, 2012 8:19 PM

Make it white chocolate and I will team up with rodin. That's how the justice crew roll Hahaha

Barbara can team up with big hehe

Diana can team up with Spankme

Peace can team up with Amber

Burnt can team up with Amber too lol

Bizzygirl can team up with propergirl

And hats all I can handle

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 9, 2012 7:57 PM

Have many afflictions and addictions, if you hang out with moi, all will be revealed in due course, some I'm afraid do surface too soon for many to cope with. LOL.

High on life (sans pototo juice) and among others, totally addicted to breathing, have been since birth!

Posted by: ladylikestodance at January 9, 2012 11:25 AM

Hi, LLTD.
Your female-ness is showing - addicted to chocolate.

He he he he.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Pecefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 8, 2012 11:35 PM

Ive come in late in this convo and i see mentioned mud, chocolate and wrestling and our female bloggers involved :-)
What about some jelly and whipped cream too?
Rodin

Posted by: rodinsthinker72 at January 8, 2012 9:30 PM

Hi Peaceful,

You may very well think so but (given I haven't seen the clip) I couldn't possibly comment!!!

Hi LLTD,

If it's chocolate, count me in!

Posted by: barbaraw at January 8, 2012 9:10 PM

Peacefulsixty at January 8, 2012 2:57 PM
MIXED tag team wrestling match

ohhh is it in mud? No, wait wait....chocolate!!!!

Posted by: ladylikestodance at January 8, 2012 8:42 PM

Hi, BarbaraW.
There is a clip on Youtube about a MIXED tag team wrestling match that might just perchance give you pause for thought about that 'no holds barred' bit. Then again . . . . . . . . . . . . . Who knows but you?

You have a wonderful, wondering day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 8, 2012 2:57 PM

*chuckles*

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 7, 2012 4:09 PM

Hahaha,
Clearly, as I only ever shout at one person (or maybe two), that post was directed at Unique's comment and not my own!

Posted by: barbaraw at January 7, 2012 2:51 PM

I DON'T THINK SO!!!!

Posted by: barbaraw at January 7, 2012 2:08 PM

"Sigh" Why don't we all just get one big room, put on the gloves and sort it out, no holds barred!

Posted by: barbaraw at January 7, 2012 11:59 AM

LLTD was talking about BIG & BARBARA

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 6, 2012 11:12 PM

Hi, BarabaraW.
I know you did not volunteer to be my taxidermist but you did say and I quote:
"So what you would like is a young, genuine, slow, patient taxidermist?"
Unquote.

This was followed by LLTD posting, "Would you two just get a room?" and I thought she was referring to you and me when in fact she was referring to Unique and me. This was followed by Big posting about you needing somewhere to use the handcuffs and beating the crap out of me.

One thing led to another and . . . . . . . . . . . . .

And I have never been much into needing the approval of others, even less so since I stopped caring what others might think or say about me.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 6, 2012 7:31 PM

Oh, I'm just getting confused now. I thought it was Unique who was going to beat the crap out of him and then paint him with a chocolate coated feather whilst making use of my handcuffs!!! As far as age goes peaceful, one would imagine YOU would not be pointing the finger at ME and, by the way, I don't remember volunteering to be your taxidermist.

cheers,
Barb

ps I hope you are aware that there are those who would disapprove of this conversation and, no, it's not the moderator :-)))

Posted by: barbaraw at January 5, 2012 5:27 PM

Hi, LLTD.
You have seen the 3D version on several occassions. Have you EVER seen it without a smile and a twinkle in said smile or the eyes?

Hi, TBM9.
Feathers can tickle. And spare a thought for the poor birds who would have to give them up.

Dream on.

You all have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 5, 2012 6:32 AM

I didn't know Bunnings sold feathers barb?

Posted by: thebigman9 at January 5, 2012 1:02 AM

Hi, TBM9.
Thanks for the exhortation but I don't really think that I need anybody to tell me what to smile at or not smile at.

'Sides, as per the 'Barb' post below, I am supposed to like "a young, genuine, slow, patient taxidermist?"

I haven't read anywhere that Barb is a taxidermist and I yain't all that certain about the young bit either. The rest - the jury is still out. (Waves to a hotly pursuing Barb and VANISHES lightly into the country.)

TBM, a basic fact of life - For her to beat the crap out of me, there first has to be a 'me' there to beat the crap out of. And I yain't comin' backter Sydney B4 the 15th 'cos I have appointments up here. So yer patented left hook will have plenty of time for practice too. LOL.

You all have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 4, 2012 6:21 PM

OMG what a picture, indeed?

Curious minds ponder and wonder; what is it ? wait, ohhh...I'm seeing a languorously visage, hard to define, is it...
- Impressionist?
- Surrealist?
- Still Life - well he did request stuffed & mounted?

On water? no, opps, that was someone else's fantasy!
On oil? no, no, no - too messy
Ohh Right, got it, it's body painting, with chocolate!

Twinkle in your smile, Peaceful?

Posted by: ladylikestodance at January 4, 2012 6:13 PM

Big,

Wouldn't need handcuffs! Peaceful has promised to lie still as long as I don't tickle him.

Posted by: barbaraw at January 4, 2012 3:44 PM

Only if it's got somewhere for barb to use her handcuffs!!!!

Stop smiling peaceful at that 'picture'! You know she means to beat the crap out of you!!

Posted by: thebigman9 at January 4, 2012 10:45 AM

Would you two just get a room?

Posted by: ladylikestodance at January 3, 2012 4:09 PM

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 3, 2012 9:55 AM

So what you would like is a young, genuine, slow, patient taxidermist?

Good luck with that!

cheers,
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at January 3, 2012 3:50 PM

If you partner up with someone, I'm pretty sure that you will both be considerate of each others wishes, needs, and preferences?

Age is irrelevant if we're talking about 2 thoughtful, giving, and considerate adults

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 3, 2012 2:00 PM

Hi, ooouniqueooo.
Almost all of the 'young ones' on the other site who send me 'kisses' are scammers, which is why their profiles are not there within a couple of days. 'Sides, if she just happened to be genuine, wunna them 'yung-uns' could the death of me.

Yeah, I know. "If yer gotta go, yer gotta go, but wotta way ter go." But methinks that if I am to be bonked to death, I'd like it to be atta slower pace so that I can enjoy it more and, just maybe, get inna few more bonks before 'lights out'.

That said, when I do go, I'd like to be stuffed and mounted at the time.

Just my 0.02.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 3, 2012 9:55 AM

Perhaps you should extend those boundaries a little and give some of these young ones a chance?

Intuition?

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 2, 2012 9:10 PM

Hi, ooouniqueooo.
I pretty much always have fun - - - - even when certain individuals are threatening to beat me around the head and then give it to me. I still have not yet been told just what the 'it' that I would be given was to be, much less been 'given it'.

Curious minds want to know.

Yes, I do want to have fun. meet interesting people, gather more friends, learn about myself and others, have interesting discussions (Like last Friday night. LOL. Can't help wondering what the people at the adjoining tables might have thought if they overheard scraps of it. 'Nuther LOL.)

Hi, Burntabit.
I get quite a few 'kisses' from ladies apparently much younger than myself on another 'net dating site. I just delete them there. Funny thing is, a day or two later, I can't even find their profiles - GONE. Now why do you think that might be? Scammers?

You all have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

I have had several here who have kissed me and I have politely responded in the negative with one of the formula kiss replies and their profiles seem to go inactive in a day or two. Can't handle rejection?

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 2, 2012 11:38 AM

Thanks to the many people who have responded to my question. The predominant opinions are to request full profile details (and there are absolutely none on this profile) or to request photos. If none are forthcoming, walk away.

Having been set up once before, I really don't want to have a repeat experience.

Good advice and thank you all.

Burntabit

Posted by: burntabit at December 31, 2011 3:57 PM

Correct again peaceful, except when they do pull their heads out of their fundamental orifices, they immediately start looking for someone to sue or blame. It won't be long before the word 'accident' is removed from the dictionary because 'accidents' don't occur anymore.

big, out.

Posted by: thebigman9 at December 31, 2011 11:10 AM

Hi Burntabit..There is a kiss there that requests more information from memory.. I have noticed that some profiles give limited information about themselves and usually with no photo.. makes me wonder what they are hiding from ..or just hiding..and what do they expect from being on rsvp in the first place .. because their profiles really do not invite interest.. Maybe mention it to the RSVP Team...Otherwise just ignore it... There is a profile on there at present that I am now 99% certain is that married man posing as single etc etc etc...so I just trust everyone has their antennae well and truly up.. but they will find out in time as I did..I quess!!! We need to walk with caution (but never paranoia) in our society now..and not just on this site .. Back in June/July this year I had someone send me an Email straight up .. forgoing any kisses .. with the obvious intent of hurling abuse at me..he appeared really deranged.. I handled it well and he would be still licking his wounds I would think... but his profile photo/s were somehow manufactured I suspect from magazine photos...I didn't get around to reporting it . I was giving him some rope in which to hang himself.. but next time I looked he had been closed down/or rather that particular profile he was using was..And I did have strong instincts telling me it was 'my guy' having a go at me which he did shortly after using another profile..with no mistaking it was him this time..He eventually identified himself...AND SO Burntabit and ALL.. we do need to be so very careful... and help the TEAM by notifying them when something seems really suspect.. But what did you mean by your profile was hacked? Howso and how did you find that out? What purpose would people have .. unless you mean your personal account details wre hacked.. if so that is damned scary.. Tell us more...I know someone on here paid to have his girlfriends phone hacked ..which has since made me wonder about a few things that have 'leaked' out from my own phones...only way they could have got the information they did...and it was police business to make it worse...WOW!! Welcome to cyberspace.. I am going to go back to stitching my frills BY HAND..on this cover I am making for my vanity basin from pink taffeta...('cos my sewing machine is in storage) but I am really enjoying doing it the oldfashioned way.... that is such a lovely thing to dwell on.. very relaxing ... Have fun everyone.. there are still plenty of flowers in amongst the weeds ...bit of hard work but as my old High School Blazer said 'NILS SINE LABORE' (nothing without labour)... xxx BB12 Good Luck Burntabit/lot X

Posted by: bluebutterfly12 at December 31, 2011 10:30 AM

Oh Amber it looked like great fun! Test disks were pieces of metal which were placed at various heights and depths above and below water in an old dam. The guys were testing to see at what levels of explosive sound the test disks broke. They found that the ones under water were less likely to be damaged than the ones in the air. The guys were behind a sound screen and seemed ok. The conclusion was that a person may benefit by submerging themselves below water during an explosion. I'm guessing the sound waves are longer and more delayed as opposed to the smaller, rapid waves carried through the air. The most stimulating things about an activity such as this is the fact that it's action oriented....not just sitting around feeling awkward and uncomfortable, both people (if on a date) would be actively involved in working towards a common goal (building a common ground and memories to reflect on), both parties would learn something which would increase their knowledge base and prepare them for any future possibilities of needing it, and both would be benefitting the world in a little way through the discoveries which they make during the experiment. To me....that's an awesome date!!!!
Peaceful, 'twas nice meeting you. It's true that helping others these days is a risk and many people are held responsible for things that ain't their responsibility. In fact, the civil system is set up in a way which suppresses public outburst.....(careful there or you might be put away) and keeps the average civilian safer which is great. But common curtsies are also inhibited too. I think it's a bit more challenging, and God help the poor sucker who actually cares and the vulnerable party who needs help. That part of the system does need to be looked at a little more. But I'd suggest braving up with courage, knowing thyself and thy law, and being the blazing hero at times when it's possible for the sake of the poor and needy who do stupid things like let their car run out of fuel.
Au Revoir messieurdames!

Posted by: bizzygurl at December 31, 2011 9:48 AM

HI Burntabit,
Well to me etiquette involves sharing of photos - so if you want access to someone's private photos you show yours when you ask.
Just good manners I think.

I have never had someone send me a kiss with hidden photo/s who HASN'T given me access to theirs - since I have been here Burntabit.

So just reply with "I'd love to see your photos" and if she 'flees' - well and good.

I usually reply in the negative if people have little information on their profile - or do the "can you update your profile" bit - usually they don't bother as obviously they are either very 'private' people or not all that genuine to start with.
Just my thoughts...

Posted by: amberlightrose at December 31, 2011 8:57 AM

Yeah so um ... UNderstanding what you want from dating

Does anyone wanna have fun?
Laugh your head off?
Do something different?

Or do you all just want to fine THE ONE?

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 31, 2011 8:49 AM

Hi, Amberlightrose and Bizzygurl.
It would be nice if people did stop to help a person in need. How-wevver, it is a SAD fact of life that many people today WON'T stop to help somebody with problems. What's worse is that some of our damned IDIOTIC laws currently make it inherently very risky to offer help in some situations.

F'rinstance, as I understand it, it is illegal for a current first aid card holder to go past a person in need of medical assistance unless there is an ambulance or doctor already on the scene but said first aider can be sued if the person gets worse or fails to recover.

If you stop to render assistance to somebody who is being attacked and you injure or strike the attacker in the process, YOU can be charged with assault.

I know these examples have little to do with stopping to help a fellow motorist in trouble but 'good Samaritans' are hard to find these days 'cos many people are so wrapped up in there own lives and issues that they just don't care about anybody else. It takes a major incident like a bushfire or a flood to bring them out of themselves, to remove their heads from their fundamental orifices, so to speak.

Just my 0.02.

You both have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 31, 2011 4:35 AM

Now it is my turn to ask for advice.

I have received a contact requesting that I allow the sender to see my pictures. On looking at the profile of the sender, there is almost no personal detail and the sender has NOT given me access to her pictures. Why would anyone expect me to reveal my pictures when they have not revealed theirs.

In view of the almost total absence of personal detail, I am very suspicious, particularly after being set up big time some years ago AND had someone try to hack my profile at the same time.

All views on this would be helpful.

Burntabit

Posted by: burntabit at December 30, 2011 10:35 PM

Posted by: bluebutterfly12 at December 29, 2011 8:03 PM ..."I ponder on this glass half empty or is it half full theory/philosophy...I just drink down the whole damned glassful..learn from the negative and enhance my life from the positive.. somehow it all washes together and blends quite well.. somedays are roses ...somedays are thorns .. and the thorns are there to protect the roses and have their purpose ... ' the clouds must burst and rain my dear....before we can see the rainbow clear'(author unknown).... wrote this in a hurry so I hope it makes some sense... So so very busy here... talking about being busy... Bizzygurl and all ;; Have you ever read the book The Clowns of God by Morris West? Makes for a good read for MANY reasons.. I bought several copies for friends years ago .. such an impact it had on me ...In main it is about 'God's' purpose for the disabled in this world... And on that when I object to certain behaviours such as sarcasm.. etc etc etc and I get this 'Oh! You are just TOO sensitive!!' as an easy out for intimidating and bullying behaviours.. I remember reading somewhere that 'God' only uses sensitive gentle people for His/Her work because they don't dish out hurt and pain onto others to make themselves feel better or more powerful.. as so many do..."

Here, here BB12. Hitting the nail on the head.

M xxx

Posted by: margie284 at December 30, 2011 9:05 PM

What are test disks Bizzy?
Sounds like a dangerous date to me :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at December 30, 2011 7:30 PM

Very true Amber! I'm glad your son was with you.
I'm watching mythbusters with my family. Now that would make a good date. They are currently blowing up test disks in a lake!

Posted by: bizzygurl at December 30, 2011 6:39 PM

Posted by: bizzygurl at December 30, 2011 1:24 PM

Well it would be nice to think people would help anyone :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at December 30, 2011 4:18 PM

BB12, I haven't read that book. I'll look it up.
Thanks Amber, it is terrible that you had to push your car. Gee guys, if you see a lady in distress please help her.

Posted by: bizzygurl at December 30, 2011 1:24 PM

Posted by: sweeetlillee at December 29, 2011 4:02 PM

HI Sweetlillee - thank you :)
I did understand what you were saying in your previous post - but I just felt the need to explain myself for some inexplicable reason :)

Thank you for your lovely comments - yes sometimes I feel very vulnerable putting it all out there because there have been more than a few men on the blogs over the years, who have felt the need to 'put me in my place' at times citing my "obvious psychological damage'" (one man actually stated that!) as an excuse to be very insulting and rude at times.
Especially before the blogs were so carefully moderated.

I guess I do it because I know there are a lot of us who have been through the same and if it helps just one woman feel better about herself - then it has been worth it :)
So thank you so much.
And I wish you much love and happiness in 2012 too :)

Posted by: bizzygurl at December 29, 2011 4:18 PM

Wow Bizzy
I am impressed! In Adelaide I am not sure people would have taken it quite so well :)

When my car stalled in the middle of he road outside our local school a few months ago - my son and I had to push it off the road and no one offered to help. I certainly got some nasty looks and I live in a country town!
But then try swapping lanes in SA.
I have always noticed the difference in the eastern states - they actually see your indicator and leave you space to move smoothly in - usually in SA they speed up :)

Posted by: bluebutterfly12 at December 29, 2011 8:03 PM

You made lots of sense BB12. No I haven't heard of that book. Will look it up although I am not a religious person at all.

Loved your just drinking the whole damned glass theory :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at December 30, 2011 8:51 AM

Mmm!! I ponder on this glass half empty or is it half full theory/philosophy...I just drink down the whole damned glassful..learn from the negative and enhance my life from the positive.. somehow it all washes together and blends quite well.. somedays are roses ...somedays are thorns .. and the thorns are there to protect the roses and have their purpose ... ' the clouds must burst and rain my dear....before we can see the rainbow clear'(author unknown).... wrote this in a hurry so I hope it makes some sense... So so very busy here... talking about being busy... Bizzygurl and all ;; Have you ever read the book The Clowns of God by Morris West? Makes for a good read for MANY reasons.. I bought several copies for friends years ago .. such an impact it had on me ...In main it is about 'God's' purpose for the disabled in this world... And on that when I object to certain behaviours such as sarcasm.. etc etc etc and I get this 'Oh! You are just TOO sensitive!!' as an easy out for intimidating and bullying behaviours.. I remember reading somewhere that 'God' only uses sensitive gentle people for His/Her work because they don't dish out hurt and pain onto others to make themselves feel better or more powerful.. as so many do... And for that reason alone I find it a privilege to care for my daughter. and to have the honour of living with such a beautiful and pure soul.. she is my solace from this world.. a precious gift of which I am eternally grateful Love to all... SHALOM ...BB12xxx

Posted by: bluebutterfly12 at December 29, 2011 8:03 PM

Hello Amber,
Yes I did write "Once upon a time" because I have a vivid imagination. However the story was a true and faithful account of exactly what happened to me yesterday afternoon. The reality was that my car ran out of petrol and I was about to fill it up but the steep hill stopped my engine from getting the last few drops of fuel which were left. I was a bit ambiguous because I was stupid to not have filled it up sooner but have learnt my lesson. I was not going to broadcast the fact that it was me performing this act of stupidity, but it was and there you have it! The landscape in Sydney is much more hilly than in SA and the people were pretty good about it. No apparent road rage besides reckless driving.

Posted by: bizzygurl at December 29, 2011 4:18 PM

Amber :))
I wasnt defending Peaceful . he is well able to do that for himself. :)
I was more agreeing with you because I have felt the same as you described and did have a wee tanty at him at one stage.,, hmm pmt damn it lol
You are way more controlled than me :)
My main intention in my address to you was to let you know that through reading your posts I have developed a great respect for you.
Happy 2012 :) xxx

Posted by: sweeetlillee at December 29, 2011 4:02 PM

Posted by: sweeetlillee at December 29, 2011 9:43 AM

Thanks Sweetlillee
I definitely try not to take anything anyone says to me personally (most of the time people have to show me they mean it personally before I take it that way - I always try to see things from the other person's perspective and most people aren't malicious or unkind) because I know I have done the best I can with my life - and in trying to help my children have a much more emotionally healthier start to life than I did.
So hopefully they will make a better choice in partners than I did.

Although it's not like I have made a 'habit' of making bad choices - I was with my ex from age 23 until 47 - it just took me over two decades to finally understand that he neither loved or respected me - but then we always believe what we really want to believe :)

I know i can be a bit 'twitchy' when I sense there might be sarcasm - as some people hide real malice behind 'funny' or 'amusing' comments.
But I don't see Peaceful as necessarily being one of those people.

I know I am not alone in my sensitivity to sarcasm as people have taken me the wrong way when I haven't meant anything nasty at all.
However Peaceful does appear to be condescending at times - although like you, I strongly suspect that is not his intention - but it has put some people off contributing here as they feel their thoughts/feeling are dismissed as being less relevant or they are being judged as not being as 'evolved' as he is.

So my reason for making that comment was simply to draw his attention to this which he may not be aware of - not criticise him or temper his enthusiasm - because I do believe he believes his philosophy can assist people.
The trouble is that people stop listening/caring if they start feeling 'preached' to or disrespected.

Posted by: amberlightrose at December 29, 2011 2:03 PM

Hi Amber
I just want to tell you that you tell your story clearly and there has never been any doubt in my mind that you are wise and strong and healed .. You have gained wisdom and insight through lifes journey and yours has been a testing one.
I am really not into sharing myself on a public sight but I want you to know I can relate to much of what you say .. although somehow and I am so very thankful to have been gifted with this, I have always only been drawn to good men so I havent been part of an abusive relationship .. only witnessed it from a childs perspective.
I disagree with much of Peacefuls advice and that is no judgement on him but if you put stuff out there it is everybodies right to have an opinion on it. So that is only my opinion. I too see what he writes as condesending and self promoting but I also see he beleives he is here to help and there is no malice involved. Its what gets him through HIS journey and his too has been a testing one all be it a different test.
Hoping 2012 brings you all you have been waiting for.
xx

Posted by: sweeetlillee at December 29, 2011 9:43 AM

Posted by: bizzygurl at December 28, 2011 7:44 PM

Enjoyed your story Bizzygurl - but I notice you did state - "Once upon a time....."

If anyone has had a recent breakdown in busy traffic - people are far from being relaxed nor do they simply drive around you.
I am sure with the amount of road rage around these days there is no way that little boy would have slept peacefully through the loud horns and people yelling abuse out of their car windows.

That woman would have been expected to push her car off the road - and if she was very lucky (or VERY good looking) - someone MAY have offered to help her :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at December 29, 2011 7:47 AM

Posted by: barbaraw at December 28, 2011 10:56 PM

Exactly Barb - it is never so simple :)
The fact is we can't make other people behave in a reasonable/respectful way.
We can only manage and cope with it the best we can at the time.
It's called being human :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at December 29, 2011 7:09 AM

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 28, 2011 4:55 PM
"Do it while the drama is happening"

Possible only if there are just two of you involved, otherwise it becomes more than drama - when there are children involved, it is never "merely" drama, it is the reality you have to deal with on behalf of yourself and your children every single day, seemingly ad infinitum until, (and herein lies the miracle) the children are old enough and wise enough to choose and they choose - no drama !!!!!!!!! - which, in fact, means they choose you and your sanity - well done! In which case, yes, it too shall pass.

cheers,
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at December 28, 2011 10:56 PM

Peaceful

How I would love to live/have lived in your world. This is a simple statement, no sarcasm or any negative emotion intended.

cheers,
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at December 28, 2011 8:46 PM

I'll share this little story here to help illustrate the possibility of calm during chaos.
Once upon a time in a little hilly suburb was a traffic intersection. The cars came and they went, from every different direction. Now two families were traveling along in their cars on a beautiful sunny afternoon when the lights changed. When the first car went to go on the green light, the driver found that the car had stalled and would not start. So she called the nrma who took a little while sending a tow truck. The second car transported most of the children home. But the first little car still had the driver and a sleeping little boy inside. As these two sat quietly, waiting for the tow truck, many, many cars zoomed around them. They zoomed around the left and they zoomed around the right, all heading around the corner in a frenzied state. The driver of the little car sat quietly, but also a little concerned that these cars might collide as they whooshed around the little car and then back into the same lane space. There were even cars driving on the wrong side of the road. During this time the driver was thinking and pondering about how quiet and peaceful the little boy remained as he slept in an I've just been to the beach and I'm very tired kind of way. Eventually the tow truck arrived and all was well. But if we remember this little story in difficult times and imagine that we are the sleeping little boy then we might be able to relax a little and let the troubles around us simply pass us by while we rest and wait.

Posted by: bizzygurl at December 28, 2011 7:44 PM

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 28, 2011 2:32 PM

Yes actually i do know about love, Peaceful - and yes perhaps you had the 'tools' when you were a younger person to be able to choose your exes better. Lucky you :)

I also knew how to do exactly what you have suggested - which is why my children have done okay.
I have also appreciated and been thankful I was blessed to have my children.

Are you aware you an come across as extremely patronising at times?

Posted by: amberlightrose at December 28, 2011 6:29 PM

Do it while the drama is happening...

Possible only if you can step back and observe with the awareness that it is merely drama - and that it, too - like everything shall pass

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 28, 2011 4:55 PM

HI, Amberlightrose.
I seriously doubt that I will ever be beatified or canonised (Mind the BIG BANG.) either - - - speshully since I don't recognise that fella in Rome with the funny hat as my spiritual leader.

You are right. I have never had an 'ex' use my children as pawns or 'weapons' against me. (Maybe I just chose my ex's better. LOL.)

Seriously, (Ye gods and little fish hooks, that'll be a struggle.) all I can see that you can do in that sort of situation is to counteract the 'poisoning' as best you can (I believe that the best antidote for that is something called 'love'. Know anything about that?), being careful in the process not to act the same way as the poisoner, but to give your children a better role model upon which to base their emotional development.

At the same time, would it not be a worthwhile project to 'accentuate the positive' by rejoicing in the fact that you have your children?

I realise that all this is now largely 'past tense' but if this discussion helps ONE other person through some of their trials and tribulations, would that not make having it worthwhile?

Just my 0.02.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 28, 2011 2:32 PM

Hello and thank you LLTD for your appreciation.
My philosophy of life is that all people have the potential for both good and evil. I find that focusing on the good nurtures more good and helps people open up and discover their true self. That's fun. I also find that situations in life are also like this. We can see things positively and negatively. If we focus on the positive then it breeds more positive. As you Peaceful have just written to Amber, it's good to be able to rejoice while the drama is happening. This is not easy when the drama is not recognized for what it is: negative effects. Focusing on the little wonderful positive things and circling them for remembrance' sake helps to build more joy and acceptance in our lives. Music has helped me to understand how life works a little more. I believe all of life works together, teaching us many wonderful things if we only observe them.

Posted by: bizzygurl at December 27, 2011 7:33 PM

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 27, 2011 4:43 PM

Wow Peaceful,
I am no Saint so that concept is certainly beyond me.

All I can say is that none of your exes must have 'had it in' for you when you parted - because it is very hard to 'rejoice' when your children are being used as a pawn in someone else's blame 'game' - both before and after separation - and you feel powerless and sad as you try your best to ease their emotional distress.

It is hard to rejoice when you know that your children are being used as a way to try to pay you back - so I have found I just continue to feel a huge sense of relief as things have settled down due to my children growing older.

Posted by: amberlightrose at December 27, 2011 7:27 PM

Hi, Amberlightrose.
I am happy for you that you had junior up and ready to go.

I never really had any of those 5.30 am Christmas mornings 'cos my first son died before he really got into it and my second son has not ever got into the HUGE enthusiasm that most young children develop, largely due to his challenged mental level.

It quite possibly is easier to rejoice after the drama is all over but may I suggest that it could much more strengthening and 'character-building' to be able to do it while the drama is happening.

Just my 0.02.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 27, 2011 4:43 PM

Hi Peaceful,
Sure did :) And no I don't stress too much about it if I can help it.

It's just that when his father comes to the front door and starts yelling at him if he's not ready.........
Unusually his dad was relatively calm Christmas Day :)

But I do kind of miss those 5:30 AM Christmas mornings when the kids were so excited - even though I would literally stagger out of bed :)

I agree with much of your philosophy.
But when it comes to awful and difficult ongoing relationships post-separation which you can't avoid - it is much easier to 'rejoice' I suggest when the drama is all over :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at December 27, 2011 12:55 PM

Hi, Amberlightrose.
Did you manage to get your 15-year old out of bed to make it a lovely day?

For mine, I'd have had the lovely day anyway and if the 15-year old chose to stay in bed and miss out, N.M.P. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Not My Problem.

To be of greatest benefit, the 'Don't cry - rejoice' philosophy needs to be applied to ALL our relationships and experiences, the wonderful and the 'not-so-wonderful, the harmonious and the not-so-harmonious.

Now WHY would we WANT to apply it to the not-so-wonderful and the not-so-harmonious ones? Simple. Learn to treasure them all, whatever their 'flavour', for they ALL have the potential to help us learn about ourselves, what we do want and what we DON'T want. Sometimes, the latt er can be the most beneficial.

Re the testing - if I had been given a CONSCIOUS choice, I doubt that I would have chosen that test either, but I wasn't given a conscious choice. From where I was seeing it at the time, it simply happened that way and I had to go along for the ride, wherever it may lead.

Looking back from the lofty vantage point of 33 years more history, I can see the 'pluses' far more clearly now and I am able to treasure the times that I had with my son, both before and during his illness, so much more. One of the major pluses is that it led me back to Spiritualism and a LOT of learning about myself and literally thousands of opportunities to help others to learn about themselves. It has been a long but very interesting and extremely satisfying road to travel. And that's just in my spare time. AND, it ain't finished yet.

Just my 0.02.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 27, 2011 9:01 AM

Bizzygurl, re "ground bass", poetic and melancholic; beautiful.
*smiles knowingly*

Posted by: ladylikestodance at December 26, 2011 9:00 AM

Some relationships in life are like a "ground bass", those long sustaining notes which remain for many, many bars. On top of the ground bass a lot of harmonic and melodic movement occurs. This usually occurs towards the end of a piece leading up to a cadence or ending. The ground bass maintains the key centre and even though the tonality of the melody line alters along the way, even sounding dissonant at times, the ground bass is sustained right to the end. If we have relationships like this in our lives then we certainly have a lot to be thankful for. I have experienced this and am tremendously glad for it.
Thank you Peaceful and Unique for the reminders about our own responsibility.

Posted by: bizzygurl at December 25, 2011 10:40 PM

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 24, 2011 9:27 PM

Good point - but I really don't ever want to be tested that much.

Now i just need to finally find a 'romantic' relationship I can apply the:

"Don't cry because you lost it. Rejoice because you HAD it."
philosophy to :)

Thanks Peaceful I am hoping it will be a lovely day if I can just get my 15 year old out of bed :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at December 25, 2011 10:59 AM

Another 2cents here

I think its good to feel whatever we feel YES

What people don't seem to understand is THEY DO HAVE CONTROL over how long they FEEL (anything)

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 25, 2011 10:42 AM

Hi, ooouniqueooo.
Thank you. Hopefully, I will get to see you either Monday evening or Tuesday morning.

You and yours have a wonderful Christmas.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 24, 2011 9:57 PM

Hi, Amberlightrose.
May I put it to you (Keep yer minds above yer navels, you *** addicts.) that you have been through an awful lot in your life and come out the other end of it still pretty much a functioning human being. In view of what you HAVE already come through and survived, how can you say with any certainty whether or not you would have been as forgiving of the Universe if you had been in my situation if you have not been there - done that?

I am not saying this in any judgemental way but rather as a way of illustrating the old saying that people are like tea bags. You never know how strong they will be until you dunk them in some hot water.

LLTD has used the line that I was going to quote to you in another blog but I will quote it here anyway:
"Don't cry because you lost it. Rejoice because you HAD it."

This may sound a little harsh and perhaps unfeeling but it is a part of ME. To me, grief is a negative emotion that is not likely to change a single thing and thus is wasted effort/energy. I think I have many other people, places and things in my life where that energy can be put to better use.

My Spiritualisn does extend to an after-life life. It also currently extends to re-incarnation, not because I believe in it or 'know' that it is so but rather because it helps to explain some of the things that I have seen and heard through my life better than any other 'theory' that I am currently aware of.

You and yours have a wonderful Christmas.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 24, 2011 9:27 PM

Peaceful

glad you have shared :-)

Hugs to all xox

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 24, 2011 8:37 AM

Hey Peaceful,
I'd much rather have been what I've been through than what you have.
For me yes, growing up it was difficult - but I never knew any better.
I think the worst part of growing up was the powerlessness of it all.

Once I was married I had my children - and they have been the joy and purpose of my life and still are.
To have lost one of them would have been - well...... I can't even put words to it at all.

I lost a baby half way through my pregnancy due to a "not compatible with life" neural tube defect - and that was hard enough to get over.
But I was always grateful that there was no choice for me to make - there was no hope at all - as there might have been had the defect been in a different place and that I never got to meet my little one.

I could never have been as forgiving of 'the universe' if in your situation.
I think that may well have been the last straw for me - so I am absolutely blown away by your strength - which no doubt would have helped make your son's journey easier for him.
But differences in the ways we cope and grieve also add extra strain to our ongoing relationships.

Hope you do find what you are looking for Peaceful - and that life's journey is much smoother now.
Does your Spiritualism extend to an after-life?

Posted by: amberlightrose at December 23, 2011 11:23 PM

Hi, Bizzygurl.
IMO, there are a LOT of others who have had it a LOT harder. When I hear stories like yours or Amber's or BlueButterfly's or some others, I think I have had it pretty easy.

I KNOW that I am not quite your normal, average human being. (Whether better or worse - or just plain different - I think I may be too close to judge, assuming that a judgement could possibly be needed anyway.) But the worst time that I had emotionally with my son's disease and death was for 2 hoours driving from Sydney back to Lithgow after we had been told that he had no chance. That was six weeks BEFORE he died.

I was as angry as hell for most of that 2-hour drive that he was being taken so young without a chance to experience life and to grow and learn. Then, about 10 minutes out of Lithgow, I pulled up that train of thought and I asked myself, "With your beliefs and understandings, why in the hell are you thinking this way?" (I have been a Spiritualist, although not necessarily under that name, for pretty much all my life, including my childhood upbringing.)

By the time I arrived home in Lithgow, (MY then-wife and our two sons were still down in Sydney.) I was at peace with the situation and I have been ever since.

I sure did learn from him though. He was a walking lesson in courage and love to all who knew him during most of his short life, especially during those last 5 1/2 months.

About a month before he died, my then-wife and I began attending a Spiritualist development circle. She quit her involvement with Spiritualism about 7 years later but I have been learning, facilitating the learning of others and doing various forms of alternative healing work in my spare time pretty much ever since.

It's been a pretty interesting journey and it ain't over yet - - - or at least I don't think it is.

Ma'am, I hope that you and yours enjoy the up-coming trip 'South-of-the-border' to visit your 'lations down there and the same with your camping trip.

DON'T stay out of mischief - there's no fun in that.

You all have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 23, 2011 3:54 PM

Hi Peaceful, you've had a pretty hard run at it, haven't you. The lessons along the way are magnificent, but the stress is often enough to irrepairably fracture an otherwise great marriage. I'm sure you have grown a lot in wisdom and understanding of these things. But the deep seated pain that comes from personal knowledge of these experiences never really goes away. It either settles there as anger or can motivate us to do something positive in the world.
My family is very settled now. My little boy had a great weekend fishing and going to the beach with his carers and I am satisfied with his current arrangement. The rest of us are living life again which is a first for my young ones who have remained house bound for years. Finally I can get my house in order and improve it. I might even buy another sewing machine. Many new thoughts to put into practice for next year. My first is camping with my boys in January. We're heading to Victoria for a historical tour of the other side, introducing them to their paternal grandparents and relatives as a once off for their personal reference.
Keep well everyone through the holidays and enjoy the new year.

Posted by: bizzygurl at December 22, 2011 10:22 PM

Hi, Bizzygurl.
Like ooouniqueoooo, I want to say, "Amen" to your post of Dec.20, 9.02 am.

I also have some vague idea of how precious are the moments that we get to spend with our children because they can be taken away at ANY time. I have one SURVIVING son. My first-born son died of leukaemia at age 4 1/2. it was dianosed with 3 days of his 4th birthday and he was gone 5 1/2 months later.

How-wevver, those 5 1/2 months were some of the most inspirational times of my life, due largely to my son and the way he just got on with life, at least while he could. One gem that I got from somebody else in those times came from the counsellor at the Princess Alexandra Children's Hospital oncology ward. She said to my wife and me at our first counselling session, "You now have a family member with a life-threatening illness. You can only live your lives one day at a time."

That line has stayed with me for the last 33 1/2 years.

I hope that you and your family are settling down well with the new dynamic.

I wish you and yours a Merry Christmas and a happy and prosperous New Year.

You other folks are welcome to those same wishes.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 22, 2011 4:09 PM

Bizzygirl

Hahaha AMEN! Next lol

They the ones whose eyes are blank

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 21, 2011 10:51 PM

Hi, LLTD.
So who 'smited' me? LOL.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsxity.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 21, 2011 8:21 PM

Peaceful "P.S. Would anybody like to know what I am on?????? LOL"

Smitten, Peaceful, dear

Posted by: ladylikestodance at December 21, 2011 8:51 AM

Hi, Folks.
Do I understand what I want out of dating?

Well, let's see. Some fun would be nice and meeting or otherwise communicating with some interesting people would be good too. Learning more about myself and others would be a bit of bonus as well.

Is that ALL I want from dating. Hmmmmmm?????????

Ah, YES!!!!!

To meet a wonderful lady of the female persuasion with at least some similar interests and aspirations who just happens to think I'm a bit of all right too.

What should this Rare Gem of Womanhood be like? Well, a pulse would be a good start and breathing would be a bonus. A great personality and a keen mind and wit could not help but enhance the package. (The mind had perhaps best not be TOO keen or she might be smart enough to run a mile - or three - from me.)

A body like Elle MacPherson, a bank account like Bill Gates. a personality like - - - - WHOA, BOY!!!! Don't get too carried away. That's a RARE bird that you are talking about there.

Ah well, I guess I'll just hafta settle for an ordinary, average, everyday TOP DRAWER woman.

Anybody left??

Y'all hava wunder-full day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

P.S. Would anybody like to know what I am on?????? LOL.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 20, 2011 5:45 PM

A part of me hates myself for not being more than I am. But I know that I am who I am and I cannot expect more from me than I can give. I think this is a mistake we can make with ourselves and with our dates as well. When we walk into ANY relationship with expectations, we are creating a scenario where we can hurt ourselves. We all have limits. Knowing our limits helps us to know what we are capable of and what we can bring to the table in a relationship. That's why I think knowing ourselves and even loving ourselves is the most important thing we can do. We govern our own behavior. When I go on a date I like to have a fun time, but I also want to hear how well the man I am with knows himself and his limits. If he does not know this and I began a relationship with him, it could end up in disaster as we clamber through struggles with no awareness of why we do what we do. So I look for evidence that a man knows himself well, even on a first date. If I see no evidence of this why would I want a second date?

Posted by: bizzygurl at December 20, 2011 9:02 AM

Bizzygirl

Hugs xox

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 19, 2011 12:13 AM

Yes thank you Barb, that was very reassuring for me to read. It does make me feel better. I have been getting plenty of wise counsel from trusted people. My kids don't want counseling because they just want to get on with their lives and I annoy them constantly with probing questions making sure they are all ok. They are and we've worked together magnificently as a team through all of this. I have seven, six of whom live with me....oops that is five now. My eldest lives with their father and they range from six to seventeen.
Peaceful thank you for sharing too. It is always good to hear from others who have trod the path. It's great that your son has an interesting life. Traveling up the river....now that's my form of entertainment! I'm sure he enjoys tha scenery and fragrances as the breeze blows. Good to hear.

Posted by: bizzygurl at December 18, 2011 5:17 PM

Posted by: barbaraw at December 17, 2011 9:34 PM

Barb that is a lovely post and very reassuring for Bizzy to know. And having known some amazing disability carers over the years - I know you are exactly right :)

It is a much harder job than nursing I think - and it is about time we recognised all carers more - both paid and unpaid.

We seem to reward those who give so little to society such as celebrities and entrepreneurs - yet we treat those who care as unimportant.

Yet at the end of the day - who do we really need most?

Posted by: amberlightrose at December 18, 2011 8:50 AM

Hi, Bizzygirl.
That is a hard decision to make but a courageous and understanding one as well.

I may have some little idea of where you are with this.I have a son who is moderately mentally and physically handicapped, 36 years old now and he will never be able to manage his own affairs. He can shower and dress himself but has no idea of what might constitute appropriate attire for an occasion or outing (He didn't get that from me. I've still got mine. I usually dress pretty casually. LOL.)

He can go to the fridge and get something to eat - if there is anything there - but has very little idea of how to prepare even a simple meal.

And yet, he can get on one of the Hawkesbury Rivver ferries at Gosford and take it out to the Hawkesbury and back on the correct side of EVERY marker and buoy. He also has a pretty good memory for faces and names.

With all of the above, he can be a bit of a handful at times. He has a temper and a pretty stubbonr streak. (I think he got the temper from me but not the stubborn streak 'cos I still have my stubborn-ness.)

Amen to your commenst about health care workers, especially those who work with folk who have disabilities.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 18, 2011 8:08 AM

Sorry Amber, I got a little carried away there. Now I will answer your question: yes I will be able to keep in contact because it is voluntary care. The poor little children who are parted from their families! I have a huge admiration for all health care workers because they chose jobs which help others when they didn't have to. The work that they do every single day is so special and important. Big pats on the back to all of you who do this. Now what does this have to do with dating? Well, absolutely nothing. But I think health care workers deserve to have a loving and caring someone special to go home to each night or morning, whichever the case may be, to cherish and care for them. Thanks again.

Posted by: bizzygurl at December 17, 2011 10:08 PM

Thank you Amber. It has been a traumatic decade of my life and arriving at that decision has been a carefully scrutinized effort. It was only when I realized that it is time that I could part with him. Little children need bucket loads of nurturing and care. I gave him as much as I could. We all did. I don't think people are aware of what carers and their families have to endure. It's like they are the people outside the city yet living amongst us...the silent sufferers. This is wrong and I fully intend to do something about it. I'm not sure what quite yet. I'm in the process of understanding the system and how it all actually works. But I fo have some wheels I'd like to set in motion. The problem is, the more defined I create my life, the more specific my needs and expectations in are partner will become. So I am taking each day as it comes and making the most of them. A bit like oooUniques theory of relationships. I'm learning to see life as a vertical process which moves horizontally. Just like music really....that is harmonious music. The more we make of each day, the fuller the harmonies. And I do like polyphonic music.

Posted by: bizzygurl at December 17, 2011 10:00 PM

Hi Bizzy,
So tough for you sweetheart! Despite your son's special needs, your other children also have needs which are special and just as important.

Are you and your children able to get together with him? I hope so and I also hope you are getting any counselling help you may need for you and your other children. It is available - you just need to ask.

Having worked as a direct care worker with people with disabilities for some years now (best job in the world!), I can assure you that your son will be smothered with kisses and cuddles by everyone who is caring for him. He will be tenderly tucked into bed, kissed goodnight and there will be someone ready and listening all night in case he needs something.

Mostly I worked with/for adults but was lucky enough to do some casual work at a primary school and a respite house for children with a disabilty. Those kids are just awesome, lovable and loving. Rest assured there'll be no shortage of people to encourage him, acknowledge his achievements and tell him he's fantastic!

I don't know how many other children you have but you must be emotionally exhausted. Take a while, if you can, to rest your mind and catch your breath knowing that your special child is being cared for by people who care a lot. Very important for all your family that you catch your breath after ten tough years and get strong.

So much admiration for the very special person that you are.

cheers, Barb xxx

Posted by: barbaraw at December 17, 2011 9:34 PM

OH Bizzy,
That is so hard!
But I have seen the absolute exhaustion that parents with disabled children have to endure and I can understand why you would have needed to do it.
Even couples in strong relationships falter under such an incredible strain and workload.

Will you be able to keep in touch with him?

It is an absolute injustice that as a society we don't better support and care for those and their families who are the most vulnerable.

This is one of the reasons why I so support the future disability insurance and much better funding for the disabled.

I feel so sad for you and what you must be going through xx.

Posted by: amberlightrose at December 17, 2011 3:34 PM

Amber your words are true. I had a heartbreaking time last week when I had to sign my dear little ten year old over to the Minister. His needs are too high for me to provide for. But he's so young. I have my other children who have needs too which have gone unmet for years. Now we are back to being a "normal" family again and my kids love it. But I wish I could be there for my other boy. Who's going to give him a hug and a kiss every night? Who's going to tuck him in at night? Who's going to tell him what a great job he's doing?
As with older parents who have dementia, making that choice to put them in a place where they receive the care they need is hard. Now if I had a decent partner, a loving and caring man, things might be different. I wish I did. But I do not. And I certainly will not be hooking up with someone for this reason.
All I can say is love the ones you have to love today. Give them all of you.
as for dating, I'm still looking for the right man. I am happy to keep looking until I find him. The funny thing is that my daughter is so much like me. She wasn't interested in any of the young men she met because she knew exactly what she was looking for. She's been happily with her young man for nearly a year now.
I glance through the profiles and occasionally find someone interesting. But I haven't found anyone yet who is right for me. I'll just keep on looking.

Posted by: bizzygurl at December 17, 2011 9:38 AM

No time for dating for you ATM, young lady :)
Sounds like you have your hands well and truly full!

But I agree Sweetmix - it is our children and grand-children (if you have them - my oldest at 26 tells me he is NEVER having children!) who are so important to our lives and who seem to need and love us and endure.

I feel very sad for those people who get so carried away about 'romance' - that they choose a new partner over their children and willingly ditch that sacred relationship because pleasing their new partner comes first.
Once you have done this - it is so hard to restore down the track, if things don't work out after all and you want to be in your children's lives again.
How do you easily forgive someone to whom you seem to mean so little? How can you be sure it won't happen again?
I think most children are not capable of this type of of forgiveness until they are much older - and some people never will be.

Any potential new partner who expects this of someone is just asking way too much. They aren't thinking about you - but only themselves - and they won't be worried if things don't work out and you are left on the scrap-heap - with no love and no support.
But how many times do we hear of this? Especially with men?

I agree with you - with all the luxuries that cheaper cars offer these days - I too wonder what people are thinking when they decide to buy a prestige car.
Good luck to your daughter - but like you - I just don't see the point :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at December 16, 2011 12:55 PM

Think I need a long drink before tomorrow lol!...Sits beside Lltd....Pour away Lltd..yippee!!!.Another full day of babysitting ahead for me.....7am - 5pm for my son then over to daughters from there until who knows what time in the evening! lol. Still.. I get to spend time with my beautiful grandchildren..smiles...and that time is extremely precious. They were all over here today lol..I think I have Sunday free then we are all together again Monday with Carols Monday night..

Hmm.. amazing what you can learn on here through the blogs lol! I guess we are all winding down now also and we do not have so much time to post as Christmas draws nearer and we have to divide our time between all of those little chores that have to be attended to before Christmas.

My daughter turned up today with her new Christmas present.. I nearly fell over!..A new BMW.!.Then we watched a tv news report which had a helicopter following and filming a thief who hijacked a BMW and led the police on a merry chase lol She is already paranoid about where she will leave the car when she goes shopping..What's the point in spending up big to have a car like that if you can't relax and enjoy it without worrying what might happen to it or if someone is going to mark the damn thing!..Rolls my eyes.. I don't understand that mentality. As long as I have something reliable which will get me from A to B I am happy lol..taps my fingers....OK.. off to wrap up some Christmas presents and to contemplate about what it REALLY is that I want out of dating...

Sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at December 15, 2011 9:22 PM

Anytime, lltd, anytime! Flirt fatique, very lexophilic there No.11, your sapience flows over. Maybe some of barb's vicissitude is on the way.

"A woman's swoon may be more feint than faint".

Posted by: thebigman9 at December 15, 2011 9:15 AM

Big, I take issue on your shameless promoting of my virtues via these blogs.

For you have exponentially increased the thoroughfare thru my profile to young & old, male and female. I'm exhausted from all the entertaining I have to attend to!

Dare I say I'm suffering flirt fatigue!!!

PS
"Nobody puts baby in the corner", come Sweets take a seat, let me make you a nice long drink.....

Posted by: ladylikestodance at December 14, 2011 5:16 PM

Hides in the corner...

Sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at December 14, 2011 6:55 AM

No way sweetmiNx, behaving correctly is not an attribrute than can be attached to either lltd or myself. I'm sure I remember a request from you in a blog recently, "Let's have a pick on bigman week!" or words to that affect!

Aaahhh payback, ain't she a bitch????

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Posted by: thebigman9 at December 13, 2011 8:29 PM

Posted by: ladylikestodance at December 12, 2011 3:51 PM

.Daaaaaayummm..I have the feeling you and bigman are ganging upon me..behave both of you!!..Pouts

Sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at December 13, 2011 5:48 PM

I'm likin Sweetminx ;)

Posted by: ladylikestodance at December 12, 2011 3:51 PM

Posted by: thebigman9 at December 11, 2011 5:38 PM

.Hahaha noooooooooooooooo! I am not a minx lol

Sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at December 12, 2011 3:15 PM

sweetmix, I think you should change your name to sweetmiNx!!

Posted by: thebigman9 at December 11, 2011 5:38 PM

Posted by: margie284 at December 9, 2011 11:34 AM

.lol margie..true story about the family parking right outside the cafe where I was with a very nice gentleman the first time I had dated after losing my husband....daughter was sooo indignant lol!

Reminds me of another story but not how I met the family hehehe but nevertheless involving family lol!..mother in law barged into our bedroom one morning and saw more than she would have imagined she would see..Lol.. She wanted to tell us breakfast was ready and instead of just calling out decided to come in to the room..blushes...Was a while before I could look her in the eye lol! Lets just say she saw a different side to me heheheh!!

Sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at December 11, 2011 2:42 PM

Hi, ooouniqueooo.
Quote from your post of Dec. 8 3.34 pm:
"Actually, the back bone is very important :-)"
Unquote.

There is another 'bone' that is pretty important in much of this male/female relationship stuff too - - - - - if my memory of physiology is any good at all.

Or do I need a refresher course? LOL.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Pecefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 10, 2011 1:49 PM

Posted by: singlejoy at December 9, 2011 8:34 PM

Quote" Don't you like to read some really good books? I mean, how intellectually stimulating can all this banter really be?" End quote.

Well yes actually I do enjoy a good work of fiction and the profiles here are always a good resource.

As to books, well that is something to be discussed. If it's a "Really good Book" I would most likely have read it.

As to Guinness - A bit over rated in my view. Maybe the drinker needs to be listening to an old Irish guy reciting James Joyce's Finnegans Wake. (unreadable, but can be spoken by the right person) while I and lovely young women also drinking beer sit chatting together.

Maybe thats why guys like young women - They drink beer.

But thats just me.

Posted by: stephen54 at December 9, 2011 11:07 PM

Hoping you do have a dry sense of humour Stephen! I think you just sit there reading these blogs and laughing your head off. And throwing in the odd bit of a stir here and there. Don't you like to read some really good books? I mean, how intellectually stimulating can all this banter really be?

Posted by: singlejoy at December 9, 2011 8:34 PM

Hey Stephen, I don't drink beer, never have because it makes me ill. Does Adam's Ale count? I don't drink wine either as it also makes me sick. But I do drink spirits, especially vodka and scotch. I do like the taste of Guinness, but again, I'm wary. I don't think that's a very honest answer from you Stephen....I suspect there are much more important reasons!!!!! Maybe something to do with ego, or the 'god' complex! And I mean that in the nicest possible way. Don't take it badly, I'd be mortified!

Posted by: singlejoy at December 9, 2011 8:20 PM

PS Burntabit: I appreciate the compliment.

M xxx

Posted by: margie284 at December 9, 2011 6:19 PM

Exmelbourne & Burntabit: I think you misunderstood me guys. I'm a member of quite a few clubs and societies one of being 'Everybody's Different' club. My comments are usually general so I can understand how that comment may have been confusing to you.

I have a wish list (I think a lot of us do) so I guess that's my list and perhaps a little justification of (not required so let's call it background) my thoughts for a list.

So far as the ex-husband goes, after 16yrs what he does isn't my business nor do I concern myself with it but...I do get to hear all about his antics, etc from our children and also their opinions ha, ha, ha! It's funny to listen to the indignation in their voices. They are all in their 20's and I guess a lot of that generation has some fairly firm ideas on how things should be, when it involves their parents ha, ha, ha. I'm thinking Sweetmixture on another blog (can't remember which one now) about running into her daughter whilst meeting with a gent at a cafe???

One day they will chill out (in varying degrees I imagine) and reflect as most of us, who are older and have experienced 'things', have.

My apologies if I have confused you.

M xxx
PS: This is a CLUNK, CLUNK, CLUNK post ha, ha, ha!

Posted by: margie284 at December 9, 2011 11:34 AM

Posted by: singlejoy at December 6, 2011 10:00 PM

Quote: "why do men always want a younger woman?"

Well, younger women enjoy beer and are not all into "love a glass of red" crap.

Regards - Stephen.

Posted by: stephen54 at December 9, 2011 2:09 AM

Thanks for the support asitis. I've had this type of discussion before and it all boils down to what's manageable when searching. Whilst I have now changed my setting to 48 - 60yrs, when I actually search I narrow the age band down quite markedly. Today, I typed in 48 - 52, over 5'6", slim/athletic/average, 50kms radius, right wing (and a few other minor points) and still had over 400 profiles to peruse!! Singlejoy has a captive audience up there in far NQ but, here in the 'big smoke', giving yourself a large set of parameters enhances your viewability (is that a word?). Frankly, I'll accept kisses from women of any age but then it's my choice whether or not to reply positively. So, back to the search I go!

Posted by: thebigman9 at December 8, 2011 10:53 PM

Margie,

Are you not tarrimg a lot of males with the same brush?

Given the sagacity of much of what you write, Iam a it surprised.

Burntabit

Posted by: burntabit at December 8, 2011 4:19 PM

Ex Melbourne

Look no further. I am here!!!

LOL

Actually, the back bone is very important :-)

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 8, 2011 3:34 PM

Posted by: margie284 at December 7, 2011 12:53 PM
Margie, I object to the inference that we are all looking for a mother figure. Personally I couldn't thing of many things more off-putting than meeting a woman who was like my mother (as she was at age 55-60).... (shudder)... Give me an independent and equal woman (with backbone) any day.
(BTW, how is your ex's fiancée going to like it in 13 yrs - she'll be bouncing around full of life and he'll be "not tonight dear, I have a backache". She'll be out of there like a rocket.)

Posted by: exmelbourne at December 8, 2011 1:30 PM

I like it simple

I'll take him as he is

that's what we all want

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 7, 2011 10:07 PM

I have had relationships (longer rather than short) with younger men. In my late 30's, early 40's he was 5 years younger and we were together just over 6 years. In my late 40's I embarked on a 3 year relationship with a man 2 years younger...mmmm. I figure it this way, if I look for a partner who is around 57-ish I may find a man who isn't looking for a mother and who is equal in the understanding of responsibility, maturity and still has the wherewithall (?) to know what fun is...and have it.

Now having said all of that I have inadvertently discounted my ex-husband who is that age right now and who is scaring and disgusting his children with his 26yr old fiancee ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Says a lot for my plan...doesn't it!!!

M xxx

Posted by: margie284 at December 7, 2011 12:53 PM

Posted by: singlejoy at December 6, 2011 10:00 PM

What is the difference, I wonder, between bigman dating younger women and you dating younger men? I guess that, as a woman, you don't scan the women on rsvp so you may not realise there are plenty of women looking for younger men. I don't understand the why any better than yourself. Perhaps it has something to do with all these people 'looking so much younger' than their actual age so wanting someone younger who, I assume, need to look their actual age so that that they match the younger looking partner?

Posted by: asitis09 at December 7, 2011 11:14 AM

Single J,

Yes, a very widely held assumption which effectively shoots down the men whose heads and bodies are still functioning at the level they always have. Sigh!

Burntabit
(Attempts to sign to the blogs in ths morning = 8 ! Clunk clunk clunk!!)

Posted by: burntabit at December 7, 2011 10:28 AM

Single joy

hahaha @ old in the head lol

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 7, 2011 8:38 AM

Bigman, re your requirement of women aged 45-55...why do men always want a younger woman? I for one have always dated men younger than me, but I'm no cougar, I hate that word. Do you think they will make better looking handbags? Do you think they will be better in bed? And, chances are they have young kids too! I have dated men from 57-63 on average. I'm nearly 64, but it doesn't seem to matter to either the men or to me. I don't like to date older men, because chances are they are too old in the head, and usually the body for me, if you get my drift!

Posted by: singlejoy at December 6, 2011 10:00 PM

Hi, Merak.
Re your December 1, 7.00 pm post: If yer wanna diff'rent cake, yer may need ter try a diff'rent reci-pee.

Take the time to sit down and make a list of what you consider to be the 'non-negotiables' of what you want in a relationship. Then start looking for people of BOTH genders who offer those things WITHOUT BEING ASKED, just by being themselves.

When you are surrounded by such people, of BOTH genders, and you ARE one of those people yourself, you stand a better than fair chance of attracting such a person into your life.

Be VERY careful what you ask for. You may get it.

Or simply look for a partner who has what you don't have on the principle that you may have between you what it takes to make a good relationship.

Far and away the best place to start looking for a partner is a place of peace and happiness within yourself - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - IF you get my drift.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 6, 2011 9:42 PM

Once you understand what you want?

Ask and ye shall receive

I'm looking for a date with a cub. Any cubs in the house?

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 3, 2011 6:28 PM

Bigman, re hints, please refer 'Let's Talk About Sex'

Re profiles, you have to go into the profile to find out what that person is looking for

Posted by: barbaraw at December 2, 2011 8:45 PM

Oh goodness no! I meant Willow from Adelaide - he was a lovely, gentle and very funny man with a slightly warped sense of humour.
He was on the RSVP blogs quite a while before our gentle and gorgeous lady Willow, who is very much alive in Victoria.

And yes a certain person loved to call him unflattering names and give him a really hard time.

Posted by: amberlightrose at December 2, 2011 2:17 PM

Thanks bigman. I'm beginning to believe all relationships end...just about however my most recent ended some time ago so no worries. Not ready for the rsvp roundabout again just yet so just had a look around. I find rsvp a bit like going on multiple job interviews. I can only 'do' it week about. My past experience has been that there are lots of women just wanting a fling or one nighter. That suits me at the moment as I'm not really emotionally available. When I make my profile visible again I'll make this clear. In relation to the success or otherwise of ones profile on here I believe, despite the denials, that it comes down mostly to appearance. That cuts both ways too even though women often deny it. That's my experience anyway.

There used to be a blogger on here called marcus, I think it was, anyway he was always spouting these scientific rationals as to why men behave one way and women behave another. Much of it was interesting, some of it funny and some of it outrageous and nasty. I think it is correct however that we read a lot from appearance ie: if we see that someone is really overweight we perceive potential health issues and a limitation on the ability to be active perhaps. As such we are not interested even if we may also be overweight which is interesting. Just my view anyway and a simple example only.

Posted by: asitis09 at December 2, 2011 12:44 PM

I also don't understand the "I look / act younger than my age" comments.

What do they do that is different from other 50 year olds? What sort of behavior/interests do they look for to show someones youngness/oldness?
I have friends my age (old school friends, age 50 heading for 51) and we like to get out, have fun and are interesting people.
That is what I expect of people in my age group.

Some of us have a few wrinkles, some of us have creaky knees, some don't yet, but we don't make a fuss about it.

To me, the men who say they look younger, still look like 50 anyway.

Posted by: memoryofkisses at December 2, 2011 12:40 PM

Yes amber I remember those bloggers and more. Nice you keep in touch privately. Can I ask re: RIP willow do you mean RIP? If so that is terribly sad as I recall her being very nice and quite attractive. I hope I've got recall that marcus guy it wron

Posted by: asitis09 at December 2, 2011 12:25 PM

Posted by: thebigman9 at December 1, 2011 6:43 PM
Yes, I often wonder what it means when a lady makes that claim. "I'm younger than I look", or "I don't act my age", or both.
Maybe someone who claims to look younger than their age or to act younger can enlighten the rest of us who are happy being the age we are, just exactly why they act and look that way?

Mr Big, as I'm guilty of this in my profile, I will have a go. I get comments/compliments frequently on this; esp weighted when it's from the femmes. While good genes and a relatively clean life style - although for those who know me as the vodkaphile that I am - will be shaking their heads in disbelief! I swear that potato juice has great rejuvenating qualities!

Seriously though, I choose to be high on life and I enjoy people. I don't need any doping source to be open and approachable. Indeed, it is not a prerequisite for my communicative spirited disposition. And I think this openness and engagement is what is reflected in my face.

One of my favourite quotes is from B Franklin
"People die at 25 and are buried at 70"

Smile, it increases your face value.

Posted by: ladylikestodance at December 2, 2011 9:44 AM

Actually Asitis my first post was Valentine's Day 2008 - which seems an incredibly long time ago :)
I went by the name of Amberlight58 which I changed after other bloggers kindly suggested people might just read something into that "amber light".
Amberlight is the name of an actual rose - so i added the rose part to 'soften' things a bit - not certain it has worked though :)
And I'm also not sure I was anywhere near 'ready' for another relationship then either.

I only had dial up internet and with virtual posting back then - the conversation had changed at least 4 times by the time some of my posts actually got through!

Yes it was nasty sometimes but was mostly fun and at times very funny - and some contributors posts were like War and Peace they were so long (so don;t feel bad Foodie) but often hilarious. Willow (RIP my dear) and onlinedatingexpert and others often had me laughing until tears ran down my face.
ODE's dating tips were a classic at times and JenJen's profile tips - well they certainly gave 'insight' into the 'Freudian' meanings of some profiles :)

The blogs got a whole lot nastier in the few months before RSVP began moderating the comments BEFORE they were posted - some not so nice posters spoilt it for everyone - but there were some lovely people who were great contributors, some of whom I am still in contact with privately.

There were lots of bloggers back then - the more the merrier - so please everyone feel free to join in :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at December 1, 2011 11:17 PM

I think I've just worked out why I don't seem to be having a great deal of success with the kisses I send out to women I find attractive. There appears to be a vast gap between those profiles I read because I find the person appealing and those who find my profile interesting enough to read.

How do I know this? Elementary my dear Watson! Of the last 10 women to view my profile 6 are over 60, 3 are in their 50s and 1 is in her 40s. And, with all due respect to those lovely ladies, none of them pushes my buttons! I obviously didn't push theirs either as none sent me a 'get to know you kiss'. My profile states my Ideal Partner age as between 45 and 55 and only 1 of the 10 women fitted that category. I only fitted into the Ideal age bracket of 3 of those 10 women so I'm at a complete loss as to how my profile came up in their search. Oh well, at least I'm out there and women are looking at me!

Posted by: thebigman9 at December 1, 2011 10:05 PM

Re dating the wrong type, unfortunately I have 3 times now seem to have fatal attraction!

Posted by: merak at December 1, 2011 7:00 PM

Welcome back asitis though it's probably a phyrric welcome because it probably means a relationship has ended. If I'm wrong, please accept my apologies.

Yes, I often wonder what it means when a lady makes that claim. "I'm younger than I look", or "I don't act my age", or both. In the right light we can all look younger and, in the right company, we can act younger. But the truth simply is, we are the age we are and there's no point hiding that fact.

Why do people even bother making those statements? Do they think they're going to imediately cancel out members of their own age in favour of those younger? Maybe someone who claims to look younger than their age or to act younger can enlighten the rest of us who are happy being the age we are, just exactly why they act and look that way?

Now, what do I want out of my dating experience? A partner would be perfect, however, just to go on more than 1 date with the same woman would suffice for now. I am in desperate need of advice girls.How do I improve my strike rate? 2 second dates only in 8 months is pretty poor and it's starting to worry me that I'm not much of a catch which is why I'm rarely getting past the first date.
Suggestions will be most welcome.

Posted by: thebigman9 at December 1, 2011 6:43 PM

Posted by: ananachronism at December 1, 2011 1:10 PM

So who suggested you couldn't? :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at December 1, 2011 1:53 PM

I wasn't around 6 years ago Asitis - I only separated from my ex then - and didn't find RSVP until around 18 months later.

But you are right - the blogs are a much nicer place to be now than they were :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at December 1, 2011 1:51 PM

Amber, I have had my first read of these blogs in about six years and find some things never change. I recall you from that time. There appears not to be the angst there was back then which is a good thing.

On the current issue I have pondered what '40' looks like to those claiming to 'look less than'. I guess the answer would be similar to that I would receive from those few I note still on here after all these years and still with the same pics. I guess they believe they haven't aged in 6-7 years?

Posted by: asitis09 at December 1, 2011 1:14 PM

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 30, 2011 6:02 PM....you are 'allowed' to think whatever you want to think - or look for whomever you want to look - whether you look younger than your age or not

Yes we are!!!!

AnA

Posted by: ananachronism at December 1, 2011 1:10 PM

Hey AnA,
I think every man wants a woman who looks younger than her age :)

But looking younger than your age can be a little subjective can't it?
I mean you see people who make those statements on their profile - yet to me they clearly look their age.
But someone else might agree with them and a younger person might actually think they look older.

Other people don't mention it at all and yet they do look younger than you would expect for their age.
But then I guess not all profile photos are all that recent either :)

In the end does it really matter?
Although I must admit I do tend to shy away from people who look much older than their stated age - only because I have seen what years of smoking and drinking too much (and illicit drug taking) does to people and I am not keen on going there. Ever.

And AnA you are 'allowed' to think whatever you want to think - or look for whomever you want to look - whether you look younger than your age or not :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 30, 2011 6:02 PM

Posted by: asitis09 at November 30, 2011 11:43 AM

Me? Surprised? I have learned never to be surprised these days.
Women looking for younger men? Why would that surprise me?
To each his/her own as long as no person is harmed is my motto.

It seems you know me - but do I know you?

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 30, 2011 4:56 PM

Posted by: stephen54 at November 30, 2011 12:18 AM..."I don't look my age" Can some one tell me what that means?

It means that if you took photos of 10 women aged 40 and asked a bunch of people to guess their ages, some would look 50, some would look 30. They are saying they are the 30 end.

The reason that they put it in their profiles is because it appeals to guys like me who want a woman my own age because I love their life experience but look like a younger woman which is good for my ego.

I'm allowed to think like this because I 'look younger than my age' and always have done. I was still being asked if I was old enough to get into the pub when I was 23 so I earned it.

AnA

Posted by: ananachronism at November 30, 2011 1:30 PM

"And I thought only men had those"?
So you have been saying for years and years amber. Just as you are always so surprised that there are many women looking for younger men :-)

Posted by: asitis09 at November 30, 2011 11:43 AM

Posted by: stephen54 at November 30, 2011 12:18 AM

Some people look older than their years lol So that statement can work both ways! Thought we had lost you Stephen..good to see you and your "warped" sort of humour back again lol

Sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at November 30, 2011 10:15 AM

Posted by: stephen54 at November 30, 2011 12:18 AM

::)))

Perhaps they have one of those 'magic mirrors' - you know the ones- you look into them and you are immediately taken back 10 years?
And I thought only men had those?

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 30, 2011 7:18 AM

"I don't look my age"

Can some one tell me what that means?

If you don't look your age are you in a "Dr Who" Time Machine?

And 5 years in the past?

In which case I guess you will never meet up with anyone in the present.

Regards - Not a Time Lord

Posted by: stephen54 at November 30, 2011 12:18 AM

Blogges humour makes great insomniac reading :)

Posted by: dexterlily at November 29, 2011 10:07 AM

Posted by: thebigman9 at November 24, 2011 10:13 PM ..."and you all love me so much the word has spread about just how fantastic I am!!!". My "Huh???" was joking about your last line that night. Ha, ha, ha.

CAM xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 26, 2011 7:56 PM

Spartacus,

The history eraser will remove it. This is inconvenient to me but that is preferable to having my bank accounts hacked or some commercially sensative material hacked.

Big Man,

I too am surprised at the recent flood of new contributors and I see it as very positive. Some posts seem to wander around a bit but, in the main, many valuable opinions are being expressed and considerable maturity is evident.

I am quite amazed at the very large number of people who have viewed my profile in the last several weeks. Every time I log on, several more appear. This is all down to the blogs and it shows that the readership of the blogs is at least ten times more that the contributors - probably a lot more.

Burntabit

Posted by: burntabit at November 26, 2011 7:04 PM

Margie, I was having a joke at myself, surely you know me well enough to understand I'm just a simple-minded man!! It's terrific to see so many new people contributing and so regularly. There was a time, only a few months back, when it seemed there were only half-a-dozen or so regular contributors now each topic is full of new and varied opinions. And many of them are male which is even better.

I know that amber and thank you for when you do.

Posted by: thebigman9 at November 26, 2011 11:57 AM

burntabit at November 25, 2011 8:03 PM
I used to have much the same experience as you describe Burnt, but once I ticked the box "remember me" just below the writing box I have not had any issues. Well not with getting a post to "go" anyway. Since doing that I find I am automatically signed in when I enter the blogs area/pages. Maybe some would say the content of some of my posts could do with some work...lol.. But signing in has been as simple as opening the page.
Spartacus (52)

Posted by: spartacus2011 at November 26, 2011 11:50 AM

Bigman

Lifes too short :-)

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 26, 2011 10:41 AM

Posted by: thebigman9 at November 24, 2011 10:13 PM ...Huh????

CAM xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 25, 2011 8:46 PM

Magnet,
I use Advanced Search and this is saved. Because of where I curretly live, I use several different distance parameters.
Because I do all of my banking online and also deal with some official documents, I use a history eraser. Entering the URL (on the few occasiins that it actually appears!) does work but the eraser will later remove it. The fact remains that this website has a lot of clunkiness. No online trader could live with anything like this. (I have some knowledge of this field.) The kiss response matter is just another clunk.
I own a couple of websites and learned a critical aspect very early on. It is essential to verify the functionality of websites from the OUTSIDE. It is a trap that many website owners fall into; they do check their web functionality but they try to do it from the inside. The only way to do a reliable check is to log on as a user, not as the owner; then you get a true picture of functionality.
I have persevered with the replies and have overcome the impediments for the moment but know that they will still persist until RSVP does some serious housekeeping.
Burntabit
(Case in point: I am now up to my fifth attempt to sign in! Clunk, clunk, clunk!!

Posted by: burntabit at November 25, 2011 8:03 PM

Burntabit, Have you saved your search distance on the "Advanced Search" page after clicking on "Search Options" or are you just on the general search page? If you do this it will change it on your profile and your searches will be the one you have chosen. You can also do this on your profile under "My Ideal Partner Summary"
Also read my post to Foodie re the sign in process on the Time to talk topic approx Nov 20??
Not aware of the kiss response issue you are having but am sending emails on Monday to some so can help then if you want one?
Magnet

Posted by: msmagnet11 at November 25, 2011 7:01 PM

BarbW,
I apologise for my delayed response to you.
The website simply would not display the full range of options and I has to just keep on trying until it finally came up. This website has some clunky aspects and this is one of them at the moment. Instead of opening the full options and having the options stay open, it would open the full options for about two seconds, then revert to a single block of options. Very frustrating!
Another current clunky is the search function defaulting to 75km no matter what is put in. Equally frustrating.
An even greater frustration is the seriously clunky 'sign in' process. I am up to the eighth attempt with this post!!
Burntabit

Posted by: burntabit at November 25, 2011 1:05 PM

Big,
You know I only try to 'deflate' you when you seriously need it :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 25, 2011 10:10 AM

Can you still fit through the door Big???? Oh that's why the handle" theBigman9", I always thought it referred to something else.....lol....you know, your height, what did you all think I meant????
And I thought the reason for everyone blogging was to share information and get assistance....silly me...ha ha ha.
Magnet
Madly jamming but I will be back.

Posted by: msmagnet11 at November 25, 2011 9:44 AM

I'll now go and see a pyschologist to see if they can to anything about my over-inflated EGO (hey unique, did you like the emphasis)!!

However, rather than spend any money, I'll just wait for the replies. They're sure to knock me down a peg or two (amber, margie and magnet I'm counting on you!

Happy searching everyone and good luck to those who are meeting someone for the first time in the next few days.

Posted by: thebigman9 at November 24, 2011 10:17 PM

Thank you barbaraw for the lovely compliment. If you're in touch with magnet just ask her for my home email then neither of us has to spend money on a stamp!! Actually, I'll email her myself and see if she has yours.

It's been great to see the number of contributors increase markedly over the last month and I think I know why. The bigman has been blogging again and you all love me so much the word has spread about just how fantastic I am!!!!

Posted by: thebigman9 at November 24, 2011 10:13 PM

Thanks ladylikestodance, I totally agree. THAT is something to look for in dating. there are men out there who have these qualities, there has to be :) You have an awesome profile btw.

Posted by: eightofhearts16 at November 24, 2011 7:55 PM

LLTD: I'm with you. "My father even took it so far as to marry my mother" reference 'The Lady Vanishes', Margaret Lockwood, Michael Redgrave. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!!!!

CAM xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 24, 2011 7:14 PM

Eightofhearts,
I am old fashioned and proud of it. There's a lot to be said for manners and chivalry.

Posted by: ladylikestodance at November 24, 2011 3:29 PM

Having just discovered the whole blog thing on RSVP I'm so encouraged to see "it's not just me". I'm finding this all very helpful and the comments made by some of you quite enlightening. I even hope to get a better insight into the male mind haha. Good luck to me! I've noted a couple of areas where I'm going wrong (expectations too high) and will hopefully be able to learn from each experience how to date better next time :). For me, it would be great to have a kiss response for those requesting access to my photo, that did not make me feel like I am either asking for them to contact me just for asking to see my pic, or rejecting them for the same. I'd love a "well, you asked, so here I am" response so I didn't feel silly when they never look at my profile again! haha. This whole experience is doing wonders for my dread of (perceived) rejection, I'm definitely learning it's OK if they aren't that into you, just keep on moving. I note the comments earlier about the "you send the first email and I'll get the first coffee" kiss option. I, personally, dislike that. If I approach a guy and he accepts my 'kiss' I fully expect to send the first email, and vice versa. Any guy that takes the initiative and 'kisses' me and then asks me to send the email' is screaming "I'm a cheapskate"! Call me old fashioned... I'm looking forward to reading more of the blogs and your contributions, thanks everyone - seriously (@amberlightrose, thebigman9, barbaraw, margie284 and others!) for making one dating impaired lady very happy!

Posted by: eightofhearts16 at November 24, 2011 3:42 AM

If you don't click, GREAT!!! Are you expecting to? If there's chemistry, great!!! If there isn't great!!! At the very least, ENJOY YOURSELF

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 20, 2011 4:50 PM

Very true.

Regards - Stephen.

Posted by: stephen54 at November 23, 2011 8:59 PM

Yes thanks from me too barbaraw, glad to see you here. Loving this new influx of people but I am losing hrs and hrs reading it all, house collapsing around me. Have had help today with my jam prep as had lovely friends come and assist with fruit chopping, have been suffering RSI from the excessive chop, chop....lol. Have 70 odd jars to do by Market day, 10 days away....sheesh.
Magnet

Posted by: msmagnet11 at November 23, 2011 6:09 PM

Thank you Barbaraw - for your compliments.
I too found the prospect of on-line dating very scary when I first began and many (I have to say back then - not all!) of those bloggers that were here then were very helpful and supportive and helped me to see that it wasn't just me :)
Although the fact that so many of us are still here might be a tad off-putting :)

Living in the country, I haven't found RSVP to be all that successful 'romantically'.
Probably because I have always limited my search to close to where I live and there is not a large population in this region. But as a single mum who works - travelling 2 hours each way on a weekend or day off is just not a viable idea for any length of time.
Many of the men who live closer to me don't find me their 'type' and in fairness - some of those who have approached me have not seemed all that suitable, or have been over-enthusiastic (and scared me off a bit) or have knocked my socks off (not!) by their lack of enthusiasm!
If as some say, it's a 'numbers game' - then I am seriously lacking in numbers!

But it definitely works for some - and hopefully you will be one of them. So congrats for taking the plunge :)

Yes Unique I agree - honesty - it's the only way to have an authentic relationship with anyone :)

PS: the signing in thing- it happens to nearly everyone at some time or other - so it is definitely not just you. Although I have only ever found it happens on RSVP blogs!
Always right click and copy before you post - then you can just sign in again and paste. This WILL save your sanity :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 23, 2011 10:33 AM

@Thebigman9, msagnet11, amberlightrose & everyone else on these blogs. Were it not for you, guys, I never would have signed up for RSVP. I had my issues (scepticism, shyness etc) but I figured if such a bunch of friendly, supportive people were members it couldn't be all bad :-) So thank you, mixed responses so far & I'm still trying to figure out all the nuances of kisses etc, gotta love thebigman, what a honey! I did try & post something about a week ago but probably did something wrong. Anyway, really enjoying you all & will post if I have anything of any interest to say. Sheeeeesh, either I'm stupid or it's very difficult to talk on here. Hello, I AM signed in!

Posted by: barbaraw at November 22, 2011 9:03 PM

Amber,

You will never find me telling anyone what they want to hear lol... More likely what they NEED to hear and DON'T want to hear lol

Much prefer people who say it as they see it even when it isn't music to the ears lol... Always makes for interesting reactions ;-)

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 22, 2011 6:46 PM

Hi Luci,
I think the reason you haven't come across the blogs before might be because at various times RSVP has made the blogs almost impossible to find - even for those if us who regularly contribute!

They have gone from including blog comments on everyone's home pages - to having none at all - sometimes they have had a link to the blogs at the top of all RSVP pages and at other times there has been none for weeks at a time.

It's been as if they can't make up their minds if the blogs are a good thing or not :)

But since they have had John commenting - they have promoted the blogs and they have been much easier to find.

I think they have always underestimated the blogs as contributing to the site - as a support network for people feeling a bit over-whelmed or confused about on-line dating - and lots of other things.
Many of us at times - only stay for the blogs.

And surely for RSVP's needs that is a good thing - as while we stay we might yet be tempted to search and then buy stamps if someone comes along that appeals to us.
Or if we want to contact another blogger.
Many bloggers have done that at various times.

I do agree that RSVP could offer some more kiss responses - some even perhaps tailored to the blogs such as for example: "I really liked what you had to say this week" and for those bloggers who might like to get together sometimes "Loved your comments - would you like to get together to talk more" or something similar.
Because believe it or not - some of the people I have met through blogging on here over the past few years - know of real people who formed long-lasting marriages and relationships simply through the blogs alone.

Yes AnA you are right- we do get more viewers certainly, but other than other bloggers contacting me - I have never found the blogs particularly helpful - at least 'romantically'.

But then I am a woman who says it as she sees it - and in today's world - that is not something that too many men of my generation find all that appealing,

I think they'd much rather you tell than what they want to hear :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 22, 2011 8:51 AM

@dumbeblonde, i found under the "Not Interested" tab when replying to a kiss you can just reply with "Thanks! I wish you well in your search".

Posted by: wallstreet3 at November 22, 2011 7:53 AM

@thebigman9 (18/11): Couldn't agree more! Received a profile compliment from interstate on the weekend and just couldn't find the appropriate response, so sent the "you seem interesting, would love to know more about you?" simply because I felt any other kiss response seemed just as inappropriate and I wanted to show him I also liked his profile. This site sucks on so many dimensions. Why not offer the equivalent response "Thanks for the compliment, I like your profile too."??? End of story.
Blondie.

Posted by: dumbeblonde at November 21, 2011 8:19 PM

New Year is good for me, just reminding the Nthn. Rivers readers that the Mullum music fest. is on this weekend, at the risk of sounding sexist I think the women would really like this festival as opposed to most other rock/grunge/hip-hop type festivals. Maybe this should be on the Music Lovers blog. Mal

Posted by: musicmal at November 21, 2011 5:08 PM

Luci1956, You are welcome, hope you continue to blog and find all our comments helpful as we all just like to save everyone from feeling alone and bewildered in this world of internet dating/relationship hunting.
Magnet [aka Earth Mother...ha ha]

Posted by: msmagnet11 at November 21, 2011 4:56 PM

Yep, New Year would work better for me. You never know we might get some of the other bloggers to sunny northern NSW

AnA

Posted by: ananachronism at November 21, 2011 12:34 PM

msmagnet - Nov 9
Firstly, thanks to everyone who make candid contributions to the blogs - I have never actually taken full advantage of the site, but the other day it just "hit me in the face" that this exists. Maybe I've just never scrolled down the page!!! or something?? Once I started to read, I couldn't stop, and so the mowing, gardening and housework and 1,000 other jobs, are still waiting!!!
I would like to thank msmagnet for her contribution on Nov 9 about making additional friends on RSVP. I have to say that I am guilty of thinking "what the hell have I put in my profile that says I'm a dyke", as I have received a few kisses, and emails from women I thought must have misread what I have written in my profile, although I have quite clearly (in my mind) described what I'm looking for in a male!!!
It wasn't until I read your comment msmagnet, that the penny dropped that for the most part, people feel comfortable with what they've read, and have responded with a nice gesture to say they like your profile, or I think we could be friends, which unfortunately, I have misinterpreted wrongly (totally). Oooops!! Am GUILTY of ignoring or sending the "I'm not interested" reply. I now see things in a different light............(and thankfully so). Cheers
Luci

Posted by: luci1956 at November 21, 2011 12:14 PM

Shaz,
I too have been quietly waiting and keeping my fingers crossed for DBE.
It is relatively easy for those on the outside (us) to see the dangers inherent in her dilemma but DBE is on the inside and has, I think, an emotional investment that is obscuring the warning signs. It is probable that we have all been in similar situations throughout our lives.
Like you and probably most of us here, I am concerned for her wellbeing, particularly since she sounds thoroughly normal but has been manipulated into a situation whereby she is looking for fault in herself, a fault planted there by the manipulator. Yes, I am worried about her too.
Burntabit
(This might or might not get up; the website is up to its old clunky tricks of repeatedly telling me that I am not signed in when I have been signed for the last hour. It opens the "thanks for signing in'" box, allows me to write a reply and send it - then tells me that I am not signed in!!!)

Posted by: burntabit at November 21, 2011 12:13 PM

Am hoping DBE will post how she is. Have been thinking of her over the week end. Hey, Mal, I need more time than that to get away. Specially with moving house etc. New Year works for me. S xx

Posted by: shazzam5 at November 21, 2011 10:58 AM

posted by AnA November 19 Good idea Mullum. music fest. 26 & 27 November
Oka sunday night should be wondebar.

burntabit feel extremely flattered, we have to take what we can get haha.

AnA I suggest ignorant pig, just joking

Love most of the longer blogs, wow I feel so good that we ( I didnt comment, but feel part of the support/love given to the woman in the scary relationship) could give her such genuine, informed & importantly correct advice.
Just read this today, brilliant; the washing machine has changed more lives than the internet. from a book 23 Things About Capitalism. I apologise for going way off topic. Mal
topic

Posted by: musicmal at November 20, 2011 9:31 PM

Seems like you nailed it, AnA ha ha....something like = thank you for not responding to my kiss (or email). I am glad I took the time to read your profile, and send a kiss, you ...... and we could fill in the blanks. I loved Johns advice re: getting frustrated in the dating game and for us not to give up. Great to see the new bloggers.
sxx

Posted by: shazzam5 at November 20, 2011 8:41 PM

AnA, Maybe it should be called a raspberry.....lol, though I don't want to dare sound negative, or immature or say too much.......ha ha ha.
Magnet

Posted by: msmagnet11 at November 20, 2011 8:23 PM

Actually, I've changed my mind about the need for an extra range of kisses. I think one should be developed that we can send to those to pig ignorant to even respond to kisses or emails.

Any suggestions on the wording?

AnA

Posted by: ananachronism at November 20, 2011 6:26 PM

Posted by: ananachronism at November 19, No, I am staying here a while longer but happy to travel. Am often in Nthn Nsw, so I dont mind. Sxx

Posted by: shazzam5 at November 20, 2011 6:18 PM

All I can say is If you DONT KNOW what you want you will keep on getting what you dont want... However, if you're too serious, you'll end up being repeatedly disappointed and hurt... This is the reason why I now have a very casual meet & greet attitude with no expectations towards dating... I don't want anything serious - it's ONLY meet & greet, enjoy some time together, have a chat & a laugh... Simple ... See how a few meets go - get to know someone better etc... Unfortunately, not everyone means what they say when they say they just want to develop a friendship and see where it goes lol... Secretly, tyey want their prince or princess and it becomes disappointment & despair again... Whats in a meet & greet over a drink? The way I see it, a lot of people think they're too good, not good enough, they're afraid, negative, not confident, too confident, shy, too up themselves or etc... But hey... ITS ONLY A MEET? lol... It's not marriage or another potential disappointment... If you don't click, GREAT!!! Are you expecting to? If there's chemistry, great!!! If there isn't great!!! At the very least, ENJOY YOURSELF

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 20, 2011 4:50 PM

I have just noticed the "How Compatible Are You?" function and looked at it. It matches me with a flock of outstanding women - most of whom are fifty years old!!

I don't know whether to feel extremely flattered or just cry!

Burntabit

Posted by: burntabit at November 20, 2011 3:29 PM

Well said guys and I too love the blogs and in some way they are an awesome part of being on RSVP. Margie you said it so beautifully when you suggested hitting the "re-set" button and moving on and for some of us it is automatic and for others, it may take some time and its ok to allow ourselves "whatever" amount of time we need, to feel good about ourselves again before joining back in.

Again, thanks bloggers, I love that you freely share your thoughts, experiences and perspectives and it would be great to all meet up. Perhaps RSVP can arrange this???

I recently took quiet a "hit" and it knocked me right back to "ground zero". This time the re-set button just didn't cut it (or I think even exist... Lol), so it became very much a "back to basics" for me. Looking for the good, appreciating what we shared - being proud of myself for being open, honest and available for "walking a different path". I am learning, accepting and understanding that we are only one part, one component in the totality or perhaps unity that some of us are seeking and for me, it is only through "walking the different" paths that I get to see and explore where I fit and where I don't. What is good and healthy for me and what I choose to stay away from.

Posted by: tinkerbelle57 at November 20, 2011 10:23 AM

Well my comments on this blog were my first. I have learned somethings. As a result of the comments and the tags being non- gender specific. I have had a Ton of Guys looking at my profile. This would be fine, but I do have a photo on there with my shirt off (There is a completly plausible explanation)... Made you look. I have also been lucky to recieve some renewed contact with a girl who we had not previously progressed beyond the email stage.. So I say thumbs up for blogging and long may it remain.)

Posted by: evets01 at November 19, 2011 11:59 PM

Posted by: shazzam5 at November 19, 2011 9:21 AM.........Wouldnt it be great to meet the other bloggers? Pick a place (some small area that needs the injection of cash we could bring), name the date and turn up. Just a thought

Did I read that you are moving to Woolli or somewhere similar soon? How close by is Margie?

We could organise a coffee or lunch sometime. Musicmal is somewhere there as well. Just a thought.

AnA

Posted by: ananachronism at November 19, 2011 12:31 PM

Posted by: ananachronism at November 19, 2011 7:55 AM ..."One of the things I really enjoy about these forums is the difference in perspectives."

Isn't it wonderful that we do have different perspectives. Yes it does get hairy at times when another doesn't accept that about human beings but it is what makes us different from each other, interesting to others, and how boring would it be if we weren't different.

"I have to keep telling myself not to take this all to seriously. I know its easier to say than do but taking it too seriously can lead to serious pain."...You are absolutely correct from my view and (I think I've said this before, sorry) when you take a hit, you hit the re-set button and move on. It is easier for some than for others but I think in the end most of us do exactly that, keep telling ourselves not to take life too seriously.

M xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 19, 2011 10:39 AM

Sweetmix, nothing to share at this stage.
I also look at this as an experience. Have learnt heaps though. Agree with AnA, you can not take it too seriously, otherwise we would never go out again. I think most of us are on the same team.
Wouldnt it be great to meet the other bloggers? Pick a place (some small area that needs the injection of cash we could bring), name the date and turn up. Just a thought, hehe sxx

Posted by: shazzam5 at November 19, 2011 9:21 AM

Posted by: margie284 at November 18, 2011 9:56 PM...I look at this as an experience rather than a game as is so often mentioned. There are genuine people here, looking for genuine things so I can't look at it as a game.

One of the things I really enjoy about these forums is the difference in perspectives.

This to me is the ultimate game, in many ways for the ultimate prize. Of course it is a rich experience but we know the playing field, we know what we are playing for, we can look at the profiles of our competitors.

Now if we could only find out who is on our team.

I have to keep telling myself not to take this all to seriously. I know its easier to say than do but taking it too seriously can lead to serious pain.

AnA

Posted by: ananachronism at November 19, 2011 7:55 AM

Hmmm.. me thinks magnet and shazzam know something the rest of us don't know here lol.....
Do share guys..laughs.. lol

Sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at November 18, 2011 10:32 PM

Posted by: shazzam5 at November 18, 2011 8:56 PM ...I look at this as an experience rather than a game as is so often mentioned. There are genuine people here, looking for genuine things so I can't look at it as a game. I do understand why and the reasoning behind using that word.

I agree Ana in that I don't think the kiss thing is a major glitch and that it would help the sender of the rejection feel better and therein lies the trick...response as you have said and not taking it as a personal rejection. Unfortunately it is part of some people's character. The available kiss responses sometimes sound so callous, to me at least, can't speak for all of course...and even though you might think this person sounds interesting they are just too far away and you don't want to start something you're not sure about, decided early on you don't want, etc.

M xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 18, 2011 9:56 PM

I struck the same thing recently. Received the kiss "thought I would be brave and say hi". He was older and well travelled and probably a great person, but I did not know what kiss to send, so sent the "flattered by the kiss, but dont think we have enough in common". Was nowhere near what I wanted to send, but the dilemma Big spoke of, not sending a kiss or too black and white is spot on.
Magnet, I am not sure, but I know he was freaked out by the date. Apparently, she was pretty plastered and he was so worried about the ramifications.
All a part of the dating experience.

Posted by: shazzam5 at November 18, 2011 8:56 PM

I'm not convinced that what is available in kisses isn't sufficient. Of course you could keep adding options and more explanations but does it really matter. A rejection is always going to hurt. I think adding more explanation might make the sender feel better but I don't think is would make any difference for the receiver. I think we all feel guilty when we send a negative response. My view is that at least I always respond.

In a funny way I feel relieved when I get a negative response to a stamp or email because at least I know. You don't have to be on here long before you understand the 'sorry I'm not seeing us an an option' that is inherent in a knock back rather than personal rejection. Its just part of the game. Yep it hurts, don't like it, hoped for better........next.

A long time ago I was unemployed for 10 months. Absolutely soul destroying, lots of applications, lots of knock back. I was having this discussion with a very clever mate of mine who said "but at least now you know it was 10 months, at 9 1/2 mths you have no idea how long it will take" and that also applies here. The next meeting could be the biggie.

AnA

Posted by: ananachronism at November 18, 2011 8:48 PM

That's interesting Big. There are females as well who would like an expanded choice of kisses or some flexibility with the kiss responses and for myself, mostly due to geography. I have sent "great profile" kisses with only the intention of a compliment and receive the "we don't have enough in common", "I'm looking for a local", etc. I have a funny feeling while I'm typing this, that I've said this before.....sorry! But there it is there does need to be flexibility.

M xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 18, 2011 8:41 PM

Ok here is the thing.

1) Know what you what.
2) Know it when you have it (Hard)
3) Be able to keep it' (If you want it so do many others)

Posted by: stephen54 at November 18, 2011 8:37 PM

I think the last dozen or so comments have exposed a major glitch, omission, error, problem, call it what you will, with the kiss folllowed by the stamp communication. The methodology can be sometimes just too black and white.

Let's say I see a profile that takes my fancy but unfortunately the lady in question is on the other side of the country, or well under my age bracket or whatever. What do I do? Do I just let her see I've looked at her profile which if course leaves her wondering what on earth I'm doing looking? Do I send the "I think you have a great profile" kiss and trust she realises I've just sent her a compliment but am not looking for contact? And what then do I do if she replies, as one lady did recently, "you seem interesting, would love to know more about you?"

I think it was stephen54 or maybe burntabit that said we need a kiss response stamp that allows us to give a more indepth reason for saying, "thanks but no thanks". It's obvious there's more than one man on here who would like the opportunity to fully explain his refusal in a more polite way than, "thanks, not interested".

Posted by: thebigman9 at November 18, 2011 8:17 PM

Hey Big with that positive mindset you should be able to contribute really well to the new topic, though dare I say that it is a tad on the repetitive side again....hmmm may be that could be construed as a bit negative but not feeling that way at the moment, just looking forward to summer weather, we have 34C here today in Melb....this little poppit is hot.....lol.
Yes I too Shazzam use the "No stamps" for that reason and would definitely buy stamps if I found someone that I believed would reciprocate with a decent amount of effort at contact. I found that all the stamps I did buy were virtually wasted with men who wouldn't put in the effort.
Yes, looking for MY normal....hahaha
Shazzam, do you think that may have been her plan to get the bill paid.....lol, naughty girl she was.
Magnet

Posted by: msmagnet11 at November 18, 2011 3:01 PM

Hey margie, how about when the author of the "you send an email I'll shout the first coffee" kiss is on the other side of the country!!! I did reply, and spent a stamp, that I'd like to see how she was going to keep her end of the bargain. We exchanged a couple of emails but, I still haven't had the coffee!

Stephen54, good call mate! But at least they're upfront and honest. What about those women who make the initial contact then sit back and wait for you to send the email because that's what they expect!!

Still, all-in-all, I've met and made some sensational friends in my time on RSVP, been to lunch/drinks with a bunch of beautiful ladies and, whilst I haven't found a new partner, I know there's one out there. She just hasn't found me yet!!

Posted by: thebigman9 at November 17, 2011 6:03 PM

Posted by: stephen54 at November 17, About the "I have no stamps at the moment" I put this on my profile as I kept receiving the kisses margie noted 'you send an email and I will shout the first coffee'. Seems to have worked.
Hey, sweetmix, we have all been playing nice lately. Some really funny blogs which I think is encouraging newer people to jump in again.
Remi, normal does exist, we all have different levels of it. We just need to find two normal people together in the same dimension! Billy Thorpe got it right though "most people I know think that I'm crazy". Or a sticker given to me when I was younger..."just because we think you are paranoid, doesnt mean you are not being followed".
Evets, you reminded me of a story told by a guy here, he took his first date out to a restaurant, she proceeded to drink 2 bottles of wine by herself at lunch, asked this guy back home and then made a scene in the restaurant as if he was attacking her (as in sexually). Then she went to the ladies. He raced over paid his bill and promptly left. He was bothered about an allegation maybe being made and rightly so. So I guess, we can know what we want from dating but it does not always work out like that. s

Posted by: shazzam5 at November 17, 2011 5:08 PM

Wow evets01 that's tough and I so agree with you regarding intelligent conversation on a date or for that matter not so intelligent but witty, funny and amusing. I like that, I like to laugh. I too like experiencing those feelings of anticipation and excitement at the end of a date - the wishing, the wondering and the hoping that he will call you and of course the elation when he does!!! Yes it is good and life takes on its own special sparkle. I hope the sparkle is yours soon.

Posted by: tinkerbelle57 at November 17, 2011 3:55 PM

Posted by: evets01 at November 16, 2011 9:39 PM ...aaahhhh yes, intelligent conversation over a nice wine.

Posted by: reminiscing1 at November 16, 2011 10:49 PM ...matching sets of a particular kind of normal, sounds good to me Remi but definitely a challenge!

Stephen, I thought that was a little...um...god I don't know, weird. I don't think much of it either. It is similar to the "you send an email, I'll shout the coffee".

M xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 17, 2011 1:49 PM

Wow sellickshillchap, are you sending your kisses to girls that have something in common with you or just randomly? I still think it is bad manners not to respond at all, even if not interested. I would prefer to hear that someone wasn't interested than not hear at all.

evets01, I would like to think that most of us are on here to find a relationship and if not have it clearly marked that they are looking for "friendship only". I'm glad to say that whilst I have had plenty of meetings, all have been classed as "normal" just missing that certain connection.

I hope both you fellas find some positive experiences out there, I for one am a normal girl and hope to find what I'm looking for!

Posted by: jayne888 at November 17, 2011 12:07 PM

re: Posted by: sellickshillchap1967 at November 10, 2011 7:42 PM

Wow sellickshillchap! Am I to understand that you have sent 50 smiles to females and not one has even replied back? Or am I reading it wrong and you just have not been able to set up a coffee date even though you may have had replies...50 without some kind of response is terrible! Sheesh!. So it's not just the men out there then ..it's the ladies also...Ohhh that's so sad...sighhhh

I have my own feelings on the profile thing..If we all change our profiles to suit others or say/write what we think others want to see/hear..are we not in trouble of losing our own identities? Just a thought. So what if someone has trouble with their spelling..doesn't mean they don't have a brilliant mind. There are many people who rose up the ladder in history who could not spell to save their lives...Just don't ask me who they were lol!!!

If we hide certain things and become involved with someone..they will out eventually lol! Sheesh..

Sometimes I think we can get caught up too much with the right and wrong way of approaching online dating. I figure..just be yourself and the rest will take care of itself. If people discount you because of something in the profile then it's not meant to be.

Well..that's just me! lol...I do like the way others here on the blogs can be so helpful though. It's great to see that through RSVP we have a small caring kind of community through the blogging section where advice can always be sought if asked for..Keep up the good work guys..smiles...

Sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at November 17, 2011 10:18 AM

What is with the "I have no stamps" thing?

That's like "Oh sorry I forgot my wallet can you cover this"?

Posted by: stephen54 at November 17, 2011 12:44 AM

But what is normal? Does normal exist? Or is it a fabrication that we invent in our own minds? I think what is normal to one person is certainly not normal to another and finding two people who are suited is the challenge, not necessary two people who are classified as normal.

Posted by: reminiscing1 at November 16, 2011 10:49 PM

Well as Douglas Adams said in "The Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy"

"Things will return to normal as soon as we work out what normal is"

I actually said that I don't want any crazy people. However it turns out that everyone is crazy, in there own way (except you and me of course dear reader).

Posted by: stephen54 at November 16, 2011 10:22 PM

Oh dear! evets and lovetheocean..which brings us to..What exactly is "normal" ? rolls my eyes! That could be a whole new topic lol!

Personally speaking, I can't say any of my coffee dates have been tragic or weird to any extent and unlike some of you other lovely people I have not really experienced anything bad either. My dates have always been there on time but mostly have just lacked that little something (and I am not speaking of chemistry) which gives one the sense that there is a connection of sorts. A couple of the coffee dates did have follow up dates which then may have had some odd reprocussions but all in all, I think most of my dates were quite "normal" lol Plus I have had two relationships which lasted a fair amount of time and these had their wonderful moments. Guess I am one of the lucky ones then..smiles...

sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at November 16, 2011 9:39 PM

Maybe I am jaded by the internet dating scene. My dates fall in to Three categories. Firstly,THEdate where the Girl wants to get plastered and vent their negative life experiences. Secondly the girl who needs to meet the next great love of their life , Yesterday..Thirdly the girl who wants some extra loving and attention on the first date.. Now to compliment each of thes dates I need to be a Therapist, School boy, and Don Juan in Ascending order.. Pfft..What I really would like is intelligent conversation during a nice meal and wine. Followed by a sensation of anticipation and excitement for our next meeting.. :)

Posted by: evets01 at November 16, 2011 9:39 PM

A sane and somewhat normal person?

I'm afraid that after what many people have gone through at this point in life, the person you wish to date is definitely a needle in a haystack evets lol

Perhaps the way you're qualifying your prospects needs to change... ?

It certainly feels like people aren't getting what they want but you have to understand that most people here are in damage control... Sometimes, a WONDERFUL person can make all the difference so give people a chance if you got it in ya folks...

I've been having a great time myself but that's because I'm only looking to meet and have fun getting to know people - no hard or fast rules - just a bit of bluntness to distract the wrong types lol... no hope or expectation of anything past a meet so it's always lovely to hear that they want to meet again (even if you don't hear from them hahaha)...

ENJOYING THE DATING GAME 100%

It just gets a bit boring sometimes but that's what girlfriends are for!!!

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 16, 2011 9:31 PM

What is normal...I've forgotten ha, ha, ha!

M xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 16, 2011 8:42 PM

let's not forget that normality is relative.i think the problem is that a lot of people are not very clear about what they want or perhaps just haven't spent time reflecting and being introspective.their profiles claim one thing but upon closer examination and after a couple of emails or even a date you realise the profile simply doesn't match the person.

Posted by: gorillapassion at November 16, 2011 7:13 PM

evets01 and lovetheocean78, like most of us who read the blogs, I had a quick look at your profiles to match face with name and comments. That's the only reason this male is looking at male profiles. Wouldn't it be nice if RSVP could somehow let we bloggers know if the writer is male or female? That might stop the confusion as to why same sex are looking at your profile. Or I could just shut up, ignore the phenomena and be pleased my crap is being read!!!

Posted by: thebigman9 at November 16, 2011 6:51 PM

I agree too evets01, it's an extremely rare occurrence to date someone normal.

Posted by: lovetheocean78 at November 16, 2011 4:55 PM

Well said 'evets01'! Very, very rare chance from my experiences so far.

Guess I'll keep looking for the needle in the haystack??? Won't hold my breath!

One consolation is there are a lot of nice people blogging - keeps me amused (when RSVP see fit to actually post our comments).

Whatever xo

Posted by: whateveritmeans at November 16, 2011 11:51 AM

Just a date with a sane and somewhat normal person would be nice..

Posted by: evets01 at November 15, 2011 11:29 PM

To sellickhillchap1967
Profile today is a big improvement on the first version, but get rid of the 2nd photo - it looks as if you're about to spew some bread on the viewer. Who says that you have a "heart of gold" as you cliam? Perhaps consider changing "nutty" humour to "quirky". Also check your grammar: ie "looking for a lass that.....". Mate, "that" is for objects not people; "who" or "whom" is for people. Regards and good luck.

Posted by: exmelbourne at November 15, 2011 3:02 PM

Hi sellickshillchap1967

Profile looks okay to me but I would agree with Shazzam5 that your opening paragraph needs a little work in particular your first sentence, I wouldn't have said that. It's difficult isn't it trying to think of what to say in a situation like this. However I think that you have to a degree let people know who you are and what you are looking for.

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at November 11, 2011 8:06 PM

This is starting to become a mutual admiration society shazzam! Again, you are correct. Sellick, your profile does read like an editorial and lacks soul but the main part missing is it doesn't really give an insight into what makes you, you. Sure, you describe the things you like doing and what you would like from a partner, but mate, open up a bit. Give the girls a look inside sellick the man, not just the outside bits. From one male to another that's been my experience.

Posted by: thebigman9 at November 11, 2011 6:04 PM

Posted by: sellickshillchap1967
I dont know how everyone else feels but I felt like I was reading an editorial on someone. There was not much personality in the headlines until you get down to the part re: what you are looking for and then you seemed to open up. It is hard to write about one's self but a bit of soul would be better. Hope this helps.

Posted by: shazzam5 at November 11, 2011 3:17 PM

Well peeps, I am a fairly newish member here, 6 weeks and believe I have realistic expectations on the whole internet dating scene, it is sad to see that this site is rife with scammers also, if only there was a way to weed them out before wasting our time.
Would someone please have a look at my profile and give me some honest feedback, so far 50 odd smiles sent and not a response. I should add I am not aiming for pretty young barbie dolls, rather taking the time to actually read profiles and looking for common interests.

Many thanks...P

Posted by: sellickshillchap1967 at November 10, 2011 7:42 PM

Thank you ooouniqueooo and whateveritmeans for your comments in relation to my profile much appreciated.

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at November 10, 2011 4:31 PM

Welcome to the blogs 'timesrightnow1'. I thought your profile was fine, the ony thing I would suggest is perhaps check your spelling. As your profile is your first introduction to someone, it gives them a first impression (as we know on this site you need to attract the right type of attraction) and some people get put off by errors. Like most of us you will tweak your profile constantly depending on the responses you get (or don't get). Good luck and keep commenting.

Whatever xo

Posted by: whateveritmeans at November 10, 2011 12:51 PM

Never can have too many friends as long as they are positive to your growth and don't drag you down msmagnet11; well done. I must have a look at your profile.

Ok done that nice profile.

If anyone would like to look at mine and make a comment I would appreciate it. I will take into consideration all constructive criticism.

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at November 9, 2011 6:36 PM

Never can have too many friends as long as they are positive to your growth and don't drag you down msmagnet11; well done. I must have a look at your profile.

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at November 9, 2011 6:30 PM

Mr "fits me perfectly" wouldn't be someone who is perfect (doesn't exist!!). He is the one who even with his warts understands them, and will live with mine as well. We all hope there won't be too many warts but it also depends on what type of warts they are really....and monogamy ha, ha, ha!

M xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 9, 2011 1:33 PM

I have had women [and some men] send me emails, rather than kisses, stating that they wanted to be friends, needed help getting on the blogs, wanted an email buddy etc and from this have now got 9 extra friends to be in touch with. Have met 4 of them in person and may shortly meet another 1 or 2. So I call myself blessed to have had this success. It is not really the main reason for RSVP but I never let an opportunity go by to make a friend. It is quite evident on their profiles if they [ or you] are after something else. So don't be worried and give it a try. There is that " I think we could be friends" kiss [ unless these changes have changed that???] which you can use to maybe save a wasted stamp.
Happy friend hunting,
Magnet

Posted by: msmagnet11 at November 9, 2011 10:15 AM

I have learnt a great deal by my past mistakes which is a blessing. I went from my first marriage looking for the oposite type of partner. I couldn't find such a polar oposite the second time roundas I did. The second marriaage didn't work out because I concentrated on finding someone that was so hugely different that I played too safe and as a result ended up a safe but loveless marriage.

I don't regret the mistake as I learnt a great deal from the experience and had time in the marriage to reflect on life and love.

I now have a list of all the things that I am looking for and what I am not looking for. I am also not in a hurry now that I know what I want in the future, and intend to take my time and enjoy meeting others along the way. If and when the time comes to meet the right person, will come in it's own time.

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at November 8, 2011 4:36 PM

Well for me this online dating has certainly been quite an experience..not all good lol but certainly an experience. I am looking for more of a serious, long term relationship as I can't see me hopping around with different guys and bedding this one n that one lol..A one man woman here and it is quite difficult to find someone to whom you are reasonably (never mind perfectly!) suited via internet dating..for me anyway. Most guys I see with qualities suited to my tastes are just after casual liasons and that's not what I am about..Smiles....Am willing to wait...and wait..and wait.. lol!!

Sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at November 8, 2011 2:20 PM

Reading through the profiles I think there are too many Peter Pan personalities smoking fairy dust. 60% of the married population live monogamous till death do us part marriages. Don't expect to find a monogamous person in a stable relationship circulating in the singles environment; it will never happen.

At my age socialising is about meeting like minded people, eating good food and spending time philosophising about the meaning of life.

Posted by: foodieatheart at November 8, 2011 12:01 AM

John

With respect, I appreciate you're a company contractor and as such are pushing the product. But I beg to differ that RSVP would ever be the vehicle of choice by anyone driven by the need to increase their social networks. RSVP is too darn expensive for that and is not unique in offering filtering by interest. In fact, the largest free site internationally has excellent filtering by all sorts of criteria, including interests, and I've made friends not only in Australia but internationally.

My one & only venture on here to write to a female (when I had an unused stamp about to expire) resulted in her ignoring me, and I thought "How rude!" I had chosen to email directly rather than send a silly kiss in case she thought I might be a dyke. And she did have "friendship with a male / female" selected. So to have her ignore a polite letter was the pits and I swore I'd never do it again.

What do I want from my RSVP dating experience? Ultimately, to find a man who will exclude all other men, and then I'll be out of here in a nanosecond!

Blondie.

Posted by: dumbeblonde at November 7, 2011 10:51 PM

Hi reminiscing1, I received a kiss from a female "like to get to know you, etc". I thought that was really cool but I did wonder if it might be a mistake. I looked at the lady's profile and I thought that she sounded like she might be a little in tune with me so I sent a response "would be interested to hear from you" or something like that. Have heard nothing since. I was disappointed because I thought that was a brave way to make friends as well as looking for the Mr! Guess it was a mistake after all.

M xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 7, 2011 8:00 PM

MsMagnet, do you find that people respond strangely when you approach them for a date when they are the same sex? It would be good to make friends from both sexes as you are doing. But I think people might respond awkwardly if they didn't know what I was about.

Posted by: reminiscing1 at November 5, 2011 7:34 PM

As I've specified in my profile "Ultimately" Mr fits me perfectly. Along the way I have met 3 very nice people (sadly only 1 in person) and expect that there are a few others out there/in here as well. What I didn't expect, and probably naively, was to meet more dodgy, rude or inconsiderate people. You know the ones "Give us a look at your pitcher, love" and the contact/then suddenly no contact ones. That said, when it happens you re-adjust your perception and march on. I haven't been a 'lots of dates' person through my life so I think I don't expect that to change in this arena, not too much anyway and that ebbs and flows.

I guess we all want the same thing, in the end and if we find it here, that's okay and if we find it in our real lives well, that's okay too.

Whatever you do....don't start buying cats!!

M xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 5, 2011 11:40 AM

Reminising well said: "Knowing what we want and finding what we want can be two entirely different things."
The crux of many a RSVPer's problem, I'd imagine. Although this experience has greatly assisted in better understanding what type of gent would appeal, it is still very, very difficult to find him. And although this recruiting process is interesting, it is time consuming, resource draining and very distracting. But what's the alternative?

Posted by: ladylikestodance at November 5, 2011 1:18 AM

John, you are assuming that we are actually getting dates. I can't even get one positive response to any of the kisses I have sent, let alone get to the email or dating stage! I am selective with the kisses, yet even when it looks like a great match, I still get a negative response. I have only received one kiss and he was an obvious scammer! Ah well it is their loss!
Jan

Posted by: janny54 at November 4, 2011 9:51 PM

I suppose the main thing I am trying to get out of this is, firstly to meet some nice people, male or female, to add to my friendship pool. Have made some great friends through the blogs and think it is the best thing so far, but don't want to stop there. Secondly to meet a lovely man that will give me the company and love that we all crave and need. Want to feel that tingle when he calls and see my feelings for him reflected in his eyes. So am trying again, with a positive resolve that I will not be hurt if they say No thanks.
Magnet

Posted by: msmagnet11 at November 4, 2011 3:16 PM

Knowing what we want and finding what we want can be two entirely different things. To be looking for an ideal partner and not find them would be disappointing. But I suppose it's about expectations. If we hope to find someone but don't expect to it would work better. Then we can rejoice more when we do find that elusive person. In the mean time there are plenty of new people to meet and get to know. I've found that I learn more about myself with each meeting and I reckon that's amazing! Life's a journey and I don't want to wreck mine by worrying about the future too much. It will happen in time.

Posted by: reminiscing1 at November 4, 2011 8:12 AM

Happy to share here..

I'm continuing to date - selectively meet and enjoy the company of men who appear to be mentally stable & emotionally strong & secure. GENTLEMEN - NICE MEN who are considerate, polite, respectful, & caring. Who share the same understanding of "slow & steady". Men with whom there is a natural flow of communication & unforced conversation. Down to earth REAL MEN who can be themselves - no pretense... Etc

Like many others, I'm enjoying, & accepting every date as it comes & passes hahaha - having fun, sharing, comparing, etc. And everything I experience is a direct reflection of my mindset... I simply want to meet the man, check out the man, observe the man, listen to the man, chat with the man, and listen to how it all feels... If it feels good, I'll meet the man again! SIMPLE!!! I do not think "Is he the one?" and I do not think "does he like me?" Nor do I think "Is he going to ring me like he said he would?"

It's a meet... Then another meet... Another meet... And it won't become anything but dating without sex until we've BOTH discussed & agreed on exclusivity... (It's casual otherwise and I dont want casual sex). I want EXCLUSIVE sex. Anyone who wants to agree toooooo quickly is looked upon as desperate by me... Slow means slow and that is NOT 2wks lol...

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 3, 2011 6:29 PM