RSVP Blog

The first meet I had was with a gent who I didn't recognise, he had miraculously aged a good many years from the single profile pic.

Am wiser for it. Now, during the email banter I will request pics, talk on the phone and skye.

Nobody wants to waste time.

Posted by: ladylikestodance at February 23, 2012 10:23 AM

Can everyone remember their first cyber date?

Mine was with a psychologist - and quite oddly, he seemed depressed... I was nervous as hell - paranoid about the usual "Will he like me" crap... He told me I was beautiful but needed more experience lol.

A nice man - while he COULDA, he didn't take advantage of my vulnerability...

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at February 21, 2012 12:56 PM

@ shazzam...lol lol lol you should put that in new suggestion box lol lol ...could only imagine what the gents would want to name ours....lol lol

Mussey

Posted by: ladymustang66 at February 12, 2012 6:03 PM

I love the first date NERDS topic best!

Posted by: sososophy at February 12, 2012 4:06 PM

Jeez, Soso, did he kill her?? Never met any one in my life who could move on that quickly from a partner's death!!! I suggest it is better he doesnt contact you in 6 months time.

And back on topic, I love first date nerds oh sorry nerves!! Sxx

Posted by: shazzam5 at February 12, 2012 8:57 AM

I had the same experience too Imgina with a contact I met here. He had a lovely profile and photo.. I read it quickly, kissed him and he emailed me. Turns out his wife had only died six weeks before!

I told him I couldn't continue to email him when he was still in this first period of grief....he said that he was writing to 2 other women.

I suggested he contact me in 6 months time.. (even that is too short).. but we'll see.

10 weeks separated is not long and there may be every chance that they will get back together. i think you made the right choice! Good luck with the next,

Posted by: sososophy at February 11, 2012 11:45 PM

Soso, I was looking forward to a first meet last Thursday evening because he sounded (to me) like a well rounded and seriously looking-for-someone man. Prior to our meet, he appeared to be interested and so was I.
Don't know why I did, but one of the first thing I did was to ask him how long he had been separated/divorced. He said 10 weeks. I knew immediately it was never going to work.
ciao, G.

Posted by: imgina at February 11, 2012 8:52 PM

That's exactly how I feel Soso!

(Anyone tell I'm still having an ongoing conversation with myself about hope being overwhelmingly positive? lol) - especially around the importance of Hope Theory / Pathways Thinking.

sixthsense

Posted by: sixthsense at February 11, 2012 8:41 PM

I like to go on a first date/meet with expectations.

Expectation means - looking forward with hope or pleasure. If I didn't feel that about a date, I wouldn't bother going!

Disappointment is not fatal.
Regards
SOSO

Posted by: sososophy at February 11, 2012 4:13 PM

Unique,
Well, I've already completed it - I've been summarily dismissed.

Posted by: barbaraw at February 11, 2012 3:09 PM

Barbara

I feel like a teacher telling off a student after reading my post lol

Afterall, aller aboutissement r�flection

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at February 11, 2012 12:57 PM

Unique,
Stop picking on him!
Just because you now have a keyboard (and a granddaughter - hehehe - go you!) doesn't mean you're the boss!

cheers,
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at February 9, 2012 2:59 AM

I prefer the rear, side profile, and centre 3D view lol

Bigman, its great that you disagree and question other peoples perceptions but the way you criticise anything YOU don't advocate or practise is just plain arrogant and closed-minded. I find it quite negative, judgmental, and unattractive

but cute!!!

So argumentative and defiant lol

if ever you decide wove like to try something new, you always have options :-)

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at February 8, 2012 3:31 PM

Emotional investment (expectation) is built up through the emails/chats etc., and hence the nerves. With attractive pics, intriguing profile, poetic writing and dulcet tones, tis easy to get carried away. Guilty as charged.

I don't suffer from same anymore. Once bitten, twice shy, it sinks in after a while.

Nor do I engage in lengthy email exchanges anymore (and for me to refrain, tis hard). I could easily survive on an epistolary diet, but, although most gents are appreciative and duly entertained, sadly, not many reciprocate.

Now, a few rounds of repartee, just to check his articulation, then the 3D, front and centre, if you please.

Posted by: ladylikestodance at February 7, 2012 5:36 PM

peaceful, there's a vast gap between having expectations and being relaxed. Even with your scenario, I'm attending the event with the expectation that it will be as advertised, if I meet someone there that's a bonus. It wouldn't matter how relaxed I was, if the event wasn't what I was expecting or even hoping, then my relaxation won't be evident, would it?

Of course I'm going to disagree with you. How boring would it be if you and I just traded mutual admiration comments?

I do certainly agree that you must go to a first meet in as relaxed a state as possible and basically without expectations or hope beyond having a pleasant time with a member of the opposite sex. This I've only learnt through practice because, well, for those of you who haven't met her, lltd as a first first meet is a hard act to follow!

She took my virginity and its been all uphill ever since, hahahaha!

big, feeling mellow!!

PS 10am Sunday Coco Cubano Cafe Parramatta. Hope to see you there.

Posted by: thebigman9 at February 7, 2012 4:51 PM

Hi, TBM9.
I will TRY to give you a SIMPLE example.

Expectations = some level of tension within YOU or the other person, maybe both, even before the meet begins.

May I suggest that that that elusive 'chemistry' is more likely to manifest itself if BOTH parties are relaxed - and the more relaxed, the better the chances of manifestation.

Now would you have any expectations if you had simply met purely by chance at a party - or in an art gallery - or on a river cruise? NO? You would simply go with the flow? If the answers to these last two questions is 'Yes', why not go to an arranged first meet with the same attitude?

Just my 0.02. You don't HAVE to agree. This last is what makes the world such an interesting place and life such an interesting experience.

You have a wonderfully contemplative day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at February 7, 2012 12:56 AM

Men are more afraid of rejection than women are

Yet they deal with it much better than women do because they see and accept rejection for what it is - unlike women who have to question, disect, stew, mull, make it personal etc

:-)

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at February 6, 2012 1:01 PM

peaceful, another slightly contradictory post to my way of thinking. How you might well ask? Well, you give us a number of questions regarding hopes and expectation about impressions at a first meeting. Then you ask why not just go there with none of them to see if there's a possibility of common interests and maybe some chemistry.

To me, and yes I'm sure this is going to come across as being a very simple-minded way of thinking, I don't think you can do both. If I do as you suggest, that is leave hope and expectation at the door, how can common interests and chemistry appear? Surely, when I arrive at the meet, I have hopes that the lady will be as her profile states, that she may look like her photo, and I have expectations of the same. Otherwise why even go?

It would be interesting if there's any readers, apart from you and our unique one obviously, who actually are able to walk into a first meet without any hope or expectations. Isn't it a hope you will, at the very least, have an enjoyable meet that drives us to keep searching? Why can't I expect my 'date' will be the person she claims to be, and vice versa?

I don't have self-esteem issues, I am as I claim to be, but my 'date' doesn't know that. Therefore she is going to the meet with the same hopes and expectations I am. To claim to do otherwise is being disingenuous, false and dishonest as far as I am concerned.

big, still feeling lovely and relaxed!!

Posted by: thebigman9 at February 6, 2012 11:38 AM

Hi, Folks.
Question - if I may.

What are 'first date nerves'?

The fear that you won't be good enough?

The fear that you will stuff it up?

The fear that you won't know what to say?

The fear that you won't be able to create a 'good impression'?

These all boil down to self esteem issues, that you won't be able to live up to the other person's expectations. It's a pretty fair bet that the other person might be having similar thoughts, basically that they won't be able to measure up to YOUR expectations.

Would it not be better to go to these 'first meets' with NO expectations and no feeling of having to meet anybody else's expectations? Why not simply set out with a view to meeting somebody to see if there is a possibility that you might have enough common interests and enough 'chemistry' to make it worth continuing to see each other?

And then there are some who just plain don't have nerves about any of this. Do you know anybody like that? I do.

You all have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at February 3, 2012 11:54 PM

Hi, Softandsweet.
Why ask a question if you're going to give the answer in your very next sentence? LOL.

Hi, TRN1.
Yer welkum.

Y'all hava wunndafull day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at February 2, 2012 10:11 PM

Lets take it from a control perspective lol

ya can't control first date nerves (if you're new to the dating scene) lol so get ya auuu you there and go on 50 first dates - ok then 15!!!

When you're a seasoned meeter, you'll have NO NERVES lol

You'll advance to the exhaleing eye roller fake smiling & polite status

Hahaha

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at February 2, 2012 4:43 PM

Okay thanks peaceful

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at February 1, 2012 11:52 PM

Hi, TRN1
Me thinks that you will find that only the 'shallower' men make decisions about a woman in the manner and time frame that you describe. The more discerning ones 'usually' take a little longer.

As for the 'first meet', relax and be yourself. Enjoy the experience for whatever it may be worth, be that finding a connection or simply adding to you 'edge-yuma-kay-shun'. If it goes well, you can stay as long as long as you like.
If it goes less than well, you can excuse yourself and walk away at any time. It's pretty simple really.

"Excuse me, but I don't think this is going to work, Thank you for your time. I am leaving now. Good-bye."

Exit stage wherever there is an opening.

Hi, Oh Unique One.
Thank you for your kind words. I think my record for either gender is down around the three-second mark - the very first time they opened their mouth - but that was an exception rather than the rule.

You all have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at February 1, 2012 3:47 PM

Times have changed.. When i dated in my 30s and 40s a first date was dinner and drinks and a whole evening out, maybe the theatre, but of course i would have met the person face to face and been asked out...Now its a very casual approach, instead of dinner its a coffee..or maybe the movies...It must be because dinner costs a lot more than it did in those days or are there other reasons? Of course i realise that its easier to have a coffee and then run if the date is far from successful!

Posted by: softandsweet at February 1, 2012 1:39 PM

Peaceful

you're way cluey-er than you let on lol

you can decide in one minute!

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 31, 2012 10:12 PM

Hi Peacefulsixty

I did use the word usually, but that's okay

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at January 30, 2012 12:41 AM

Hi, Timesrightnow1.
Re your 11.18 am post:

And you think women don't do that?

The reality is that BOTH sexes do it - to some degree. How-wevver, I'd say it's a pretty safe bet that women do it quicker and more often that men. Their 'attraction radar' works far better. Their reading of body language, their assessment of a man's confidence level, his handshake, the tone of his voice and a few other things are all run through a woman's 'attraction computer' in as little as the first five seconds, although some calculations may take a whole five minutes for some women with some men.

I don't claim to be most men and one or two ladies on these blogs could tell you that I for sure ain't average but I do like to take at least TEN minutes to make up my mind.

It's not that I can't make up my mind. I think going from FIRST meeting to proposal AND acceptance in TWENTY EIGHT hours will attest to that. How-wevver, I do like to study the subject in at least a little depth (Try to keep yer mind above yer navel.) before deciding whether or not I want to investigate further.

Just my 0.02.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 29, 2012 6:05 PM

Now this is a good one. I haven't been on a first date for a long time and boy am I a little nervous. I suppose it has a lot to do with confidence. In reality we don't like everyone so it is okay if they decide upon meeting you, that you are not their cup of tea. After all it goes both ways.

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at January 29, 2012 11:25 AM

Yes happens to all of us,and you would think that women experience it the most as men usually take one look at women and decide in a moment if they are interested or not.

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at January 29, 2012 11:18 AM

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 25, 2012 6:13 AM

So are you guys saying that is the FIRST time that has ever happened to you?
Get down the back of the queue boys - behind all of us women :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 26, 2012 3:38 PM

Oh really!!! Women have to put up with the physical thing all the time lol

Its about time I started looking past the inner qualities, the heart, the intellect, etc and INCLUDED the physical..

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 25, 2012 6:13 AM

soulman, ignore my advice of Jan 13th! I'm not sure who made a comment on that exact subject a while ago (possibly spankie) but I've just experienced that exact situation.

The earlier commentator was bemoaning the fact that, on regular occasions, it was plainly obvious the woman to whom he sent an "I'd like to get to know you" kiss, had not read his profile, she'd simply looked at the picture and answered in the negative,. The reason he was sure - he was online when the notification popped up that soandso was viewing his profile and her rejection arrived withing 30secs of her viewing! No time to read his profile, just a look at the photo and decision was made - thanks but no thanks. Even more galling was when the reply came back - we don't have enough in common! It struck him, and I agreed at the time, how could she have decided that when it's physically impossible to fully read a complete profile in such a short time?

Well, it happened to me recently for the first time and it reinforced his comments and mine about the visual. The 'no thanks' took less than 20secs to arrive. At least I took the time to fully read and re-read three or four times her profile to ascertain if we did have enough in common for me to contact her.

Oh well, her loss!

big, lunch has arrived!!

Posted by: thebigman9 at January 22, 2012 12:08 PM

Soul man

If you're talking about "society"?

... most women (and men) these days are governed by what society dictates

Rather than focus on the general, treat your search like a top secret mission-like treasure hunt - and make it fun :-)

Don't waste time looking for what society dictates. Look for what your soul yearns

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 17, 2012 5:38 PM

Posted by: thebigman9 at January 13, 2012 8:02 AM

"big, waiting for the morning's torture session with the physio!!"

C'mom be brave! The physio is just toughening and limbering you up for tomorrow.
I am sure you'll realise it wasn't so bad after all when Unique AND LLTD get their hands on you :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 13, 2012 1:33 PM

soulman, I may be well and truly off the mark with these comments but may I presume your statement comes from the fact that you're receiving many, "thanks but no thanks" replies from your kisses?

If that's the case you might want to ease up a bit on the generalisations. I don't know what the single male/female ratio is in Qld but you've got to remember RSVP is a numbers game.

I just did a quick search using the criteria within 100km of your home and women aged 30 - 40. There are in excess of 600+ profiles that match! Yes, you did state other criteria but, this means there is an enormous pool of women for you to choose from and, more importantly, who will be looking at you. So picture yourself in the shoes of one of these ladies. Let's say the numbers are similar for her, she has over 600+ profiles to peruse. Your profile page doesn't have a picture of you but, at certain levels of membership, there is a pic available.

Okay, so I'm looking. I have more than 600 profiles to scan and I don't want to spend all night looking so what are my options? I narrow my criteria to those containing a pic and discard the rest. Sure, I might be missng out on my perfect partner but I have to start somewhere. Or I decide I'll only read profiles that don't contain a pic. There are lots of options but at some point a decision has to be made so the searching doesn't become interminable.

soulman, I am fully aware none of this answers your question. Your question cannot be answered and I guarantee there'll be posts from our lady readers bemoaning the same topic. The simple fact is humans are visual creatures. Our first point of contact is usually through sight and RSVP is no different.

Keep your spirits up. She's out there, it just might take a while for both of you to find each other. Patience is the key. Oh, and so are scotch, bourbon, potato juice and a few cleansing ales to get you through the searching!!!

big, waiting for the morning's torture session with the physio!!

Posted by: thebigman9 at January 13, 2012 8:02 AM

i want to know why in todays society women in general are so judgemental they are quick to judge a pic what happened to the age old saying never judge a book by its cover

Posted by: soulman101 at January 12, 2012 11:14 PM

Frangelico, I peeked at your profile and notice we have a lot in common, my dear neighbour.

Wondering if we can entice you to join us bloggers & readers for lunch next Saturday - perfect for sharing war stories, no?

Posted by: ladylikestodance at January 9, 2012 11:19 AM

Hello MOK, Ive had lots of dates and been on line for about two years now. In only takes one man who is compatible to fancy you! Dont give up and dont just rely on your profile being read by men, you need to strategically search too!

Posted by: frangelico1960 at January 9, 2012 10:14 AM

Thanks for your comments.
I do adjust my profile fairly regularly.
My attempts at being humourous haven't been very successful, so I decided it was best not to.
I do post on the blogs from time to time, and that always encourages viewers. I use Google-Chrome and can nearly always sign in and post without the clunk clunk problem that occurs with Explorer.

Posted by: memoryofkisses at January 8, 2012 10:47 PM

LLTD,
Well I get LOTS of views - but that doesn't translate into kisses!
I think my profile scares them off :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 8, 2012 10:09 PM

Greetings Memoryofkisses, welcome to the blogs.

Am very surprised to hear you've had such a low strike rate, and a veteran of couple of years of RSVP. Strewth!

I had a peek at your profile - as bloggers do *smiles*.
Now, I know you didn't ask for my feedback, but you did address this post to moi, so I'm just wondering if you have tweeked your profile in that time. I find that a refinement would be warranted if I wasn't getting kisses. In fact, I tweek mine everytime I get inspired by someone or something. I have been asked on a number of occassions what I was on when I wrote it - but my standard reply is that I'm high on life.

The trick is to stand out from the crowd, this is a marketing exercise and you are the product, and the profile should be there to grab the gents attention, and have his finger reaching post haste for the chat request.

Being authentic with a sprinkling of cheekiness makes a profile stand out. Be bold, be daring, put up a few more pics. If you need inspiration to get the creative juices going, check out the top 100 profiles and see the type of things those femmes within your age group have included.

PS you're a very youthful looking 50! wanna tell me your secret at the bloggers luncheon on the 14th at the Great Northern, Chatswood?

PSS if you blog, this will guarantee you more kisses, there will so much traffic thru your profile you'll be run off your feet entertaining girlfriend - just ask moi! Currently in rehab suffering flirt fatigue.

Posted by: ladylikestodance at January 8, 2012 7:39 PM

Hi memoryofkisses, yes I did look at your profile and it reads very nicely. You're up front and honest without being demanding and shrill as so many Sydney women are today.

In all honesty we both are outside each other's search criteria however may I suggest you ignore the 2-way search option. When I search using the broadest of parameters (women 48-55, live 50kms of home), I have in excess of 1,000 profiles to pruse. When I enable the 2-way search option the number drops to 307.

If I narrow my parameters by including height, political persuasion, lifestyle etc (ie my Ideal Partner search w/out 2-way enabled) whilst the number of profiles drops considerably, by enablng the 2-way I have 1 only!

My suggestion would be to discount the 2-way, open up new fields and horizons and start sending out kisses as frequently as you can. As is always mentioned, on-line dating is a numbers game and, if you don't play the game, you can't win.

These comments are meant to be constructive not destructive but do with them what you will. Good luck.

Posted by: thebigman9 at January 8, 2012 6:13 PM

@ memoryofkisses Jan 8...

Don't get despondent with it. I'm the same but have met a couple of people. I'm learning more all the time. I too enjoy the blogs and I'm beat in how people can respond so quickly to each other. Learning curve I guess.

As for the system, I received a kiss this morning in my mailbox but by the time I went to check, the profile was inactive even though his name came up. Despite that his profile came up afterwards as looking at my profile. I can't figure it out.

Til' next time...

Posted by: brightlight7 at January 8, 2012 6:02 PM

@ LLTD on Jan 3...
I haven't been on a coffee meet or date yet.
I have sent out kisses but had no response at all or received a no thank you.
I really haven't received very many kisses over the couple of years I have been a member for, and the 4-5 men I have exchanged messages with I decided I didn't want to meet.

Also, not one of the men who sent me a kiss have matched my search criteria, so maybe they don't know how to enable the 2-way search option.

I enjoy reading the blogs, and value the contacts I have had as they have all helped me learn a bit more about myself.

Posted by: memoryofkisses at January 8, 2012 2:04 PM

Posted by: ladylikestodance at January 3, 2012 8:28 AM

Folks my computer was hijacked by the Unique One - how can anyone manage to post so many entries, I just went to make coffee.... what a tsunami...what typing skills?

*blushing* thank you (and Peaceful) for the compliments, this grasshopper is pretty green having just started to explore the spiritual path and not at all sure how or what that will mean- but it sounds grand.

Posted by: ladylikestodance at January 3, 2012 3:07 PM

Hi, ooouniqueooo.
I hafta tellya, Lady, that it doesn't surprise me in the slightest to read that LLTD's post had you shedding a tear. You may be open, honest and blunt but you are still very feminine and you DO have a soft shell. You also have not had a lot of things such as LLTD posted about you said to you in the past, even though they may have been just as applicable then.

Own it and live it, Lady, 'cos you are IT.

I also agree with you about the beacon. LLTD, you had better put yourself right in there with Unique and all the others and that is an order.

Just my 0.02.

You all have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 3, 2012 9:39 AM

yes, take II

YOU WILL BE SUCH A BEACON...

of light to those who need it...

so just wondering... is there anyone out there who hasnt been out on a first date yet?

let me show you how its done. Email me

hahaha

Posted by: ladylikestodance at January 3, 2012 8:28 AM

LLTD

Have just had the opportunity to catch up on the blogs and your goddess post has me shedding a tear right now.

After some marathon bonking, and emotional release along with some giving & receiving of a little aggression, I am supposed at my reaction lol

you are too gracious my darling and as I said to You, You will be such a beacon

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 2, 2012 8:23 PM

Hi, Sweetlillee.
No map reading, no diagrams. just words. - with which you don't seem to have a lot of trouble. Four or five articles with simple but fairly comprehensive instructions for each exercise.

I have made the offer. Your choice. And totally free of charge - except for the stamp that it might cost you - unless you can get in direct contact with LLTD, ooouniqueooo, BarbaraW, Aloha151 or Bizzygurl who have my contact details.

Catchyalater.

You have a wonderful 2012.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 2, 2012 4:55 PM

:) Hi Peaceful

Just between you and me .. My map reading ability is atrocious :)
Therefore a diagram and instructions along the lines of place A in B then rotate C left 40 degrees until you are able to touch D with ur left elbow would be of little use to me .. :)) Thankyou for your kind offer though :) xx
LLTD.. Thankyou lovely lady I appreciate the compliment and return same to you :)

Posted by: sweeetlillee at January 2, 2012 3:43 PM

iamgam @ 1 Jan
thanks....nearly fell off the chair with laughter...was thinking it was going to be something complicated...I am so easily amused..."-))

Posted by: brightlight7 at January 2, 2012 7:27 AM

it'd take more than one bucket of water to cool our unique one.
Posted by: thebigman9 at January 1, 2012 4:53 PM

hmm "coughing dramatically" I think it would take the whole fire brigade, rather than a bucket of water, Big!

But our Unique one is a Goddess, and like many Goddesses' (femmes) who have endured the hardships thrown at them thru marriages and unhealthy alliances; have loved and lost, sacrificed, nurtured children, being taken for granted, abused or any combination of life's challenges thrown at them, is still standing, eagerly ready and willing to take life on, head first.

These Goddesses, are true life warriors who have delved deep inside to draw inner strength to survive the many battles and battle fronts (spouse, children, house, career, etc). Found the will to continue to stand tall with new found energy, wisdom, passion and dignity intact. But more importantly they are brave enough to tell the tale, willingly and openly share their life experiences to support others unconditionally. So, sometimes the delivery is not expressed in a manner which befits most tastes, that shouldn't in my view, detract from the honest and pure sentiments behind them.

Our Unique Goddess is true to herself, the word authentic is also apt, and after all, if we can't get to that place first (to love and accept ourselves first), we will keep failing as we follow the old routine/script which if it was successful - would we be here now?

But speaking of here and now....one of the most satisfying aspects of this whole RSVP experience has been the development of camaraderie via the blogs. Who would of thought that with a little bit of will power, a sprinkling of curiosity, an investment of time and energy, we could accomplish an intricate support network. It's incredible, in fact its like I have my very own therapy guru's on tap. It has taken my personal development journey on another level, and I thank you all so deeply and sincerely for your words, time and patience. You have opened my eyes to the many possibilities which lay ahead, and I am engaged and enthusiastic. I feel 2012 will be a great leap year, for moi (in terms of personal development/spirituality, love may just have to take a back seat), and I hope you find happiness and contentment too.

Posted by: ladylikestodance at January 1, 2012 7:35 PM

Sounds more like an orgy big!

Posted by: bizzygurl at January 1, 2012 6:14 PM

Hey burnt, another new word to add to our list - sexAul. Is that a form of Tantra? If not, what page of the Kama Sutra is it on? Is it painful or pleasurable?

From what the frot lady tells me it'd take more than one bucket of water to cool our unique one.

Posted by: thebigman9 at January 1, 2012 4:53 PM

Brightlight,

FFS = For F...'s Sake

Regards,

GAM

Posted by: iamgam at January 1, 2012 2:31 PM

Oh dear! Someone was bound to ask that!!

First word = For
Second word = crude four letter word describing sexaul intercourse
Third word = Sake

Unique gets that way at times; it is probably her teenage uncontrolled exhuberance and just needs the occasional bucket of cold water tossed over her.

Burntabit

(Something else that needs a bucket of cold water is this !@#$%^& log-in process; this is try number five - clunk clunk clunk!

Posted by: burntabit at January 1, 2012 1:38 PM

Hi Unique what is FFS?

Posted by: brightlight7 at January 1, 2012 10:02 AM

Ask yourselves.

What is there to be nervous about at your age FFS

Hahaha

Open your arms
Open your mind
Open your heart

(if you can)

And IF you can?

You'll be closer to getting some "action" than the person who is fearful or "nervous"

Are you someone worth meeting?

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 31, 2011 8:21 AM

Hi, BarbaraW.
Your post wasn't up when I answered Sweetlillee last night but I would be interested to know what gave it away to you that I have a curious mind when some folks don't even credit me with having a mind at all.

As for other curious minds, I vaguely remember seeing you asking some questions on here and getting some answers and I haven't noticed any huge clouds of (cyber)dust from Sweetlillee's swiftly departing feet either.

Quote:
"As for your final paragraph - couldn't agree more!"
Unquote.

May I ask, "Where is the body?" LOL.

CatchyaLAYter.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 30, 2011 9:31 AM

Hi, Sweetlillee.
I would be somewhat surprised if there were not some 'curious minds' that would not put there hands up and admit to it.

I don't think it matters much what term anybody uses for the act so long as they, and hopefully everybody else, are comfortable with it.

"Make love"???? Somebody once told me that the Bible states that "God is love." To my enquiring mind, this raises the question, "How do you make God?"

There is a joke about that other word that you hinted at that often leaves people with a whole different perspective on the word itself. I would be happy to share the joke here but I doubt it would get past the 'razor gang'.

Re the 'practice exchange', a lot of the 'tricks' that I use are not restricted to Tantra but can be found in a good few other places as well. Wott's moor, if you were practiced on by somebody with a good knowledge of these techniques who was willing to explain them as he went along, I'd bet that you would finish up with a pretty good understanding of them yourself at the end. In fact, if we had direct e-mail contact, I could e-mail them to you as attachments to an e-mail so that you could then ask some lucky bloke who has no idea of what he is in for to practice them with you. All you would then need to do would be to pick said lucky bloke, preferably someone with some sensitivity and at least a modicum of self discipline.

Have I created more curious minds now?

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 30, 2011 1:36 AM

Posted by: sweeetlillee at December 29, 2011 4:29 PM

Good evening, your sweeetness,

peaceful is definitely the most curious mind - I too wonder who are the others and how they communicate this curiosity to him......

May I advise, in the interests of your credibility, that you actually don't quote Unique (much as I love her, she is not known for her sensibility or her diplomacy!)

I totally agree with "just your opinion".

As for your final paragraph - couldn't agree more!

cheers,
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at December 30, 2011 12:06 AM

Hmmm Mr Peaceful ..
I always wonder who exactly these "curious minds" are that you speak of. :)
Hmmm "bonking"?.. I actually prefer to make love or (that other word that Im sure wouldnt get past the mediators so wont bother using) than "bonk". Bonking isnt my word I was quoting uniq :)
I was merely advising that if a man does find himself in a position where he can put this knowledge into practice he may well find that the lady wont want to let him get away and will happily and maybe greedily want to share his knowledge and skills :) Just another feather in his cap so to speak but one that might just tip the scales in his favour... just my opinion :)
LOL at "practice exchange". I am totally unskilled in the art of tantra. So it would seem unfair to offer myself up for "practice exchange" .. but I have to say after reading the information that yourself and Foodie have provided the thought of being practised ON is more than a little tempting .. lol
Hope that satisfied those "curious minds" :)

Posted by: sweeetlillee at December 29, 2011 4:29 PM

Hi, Sweetlillee.
We can read all we can get our grubby mitts on and learn till our heads burst but what good will it do if we don't have another individual of the opposite chromosomal persuasion with whom to practice? Some of us might be suffering dementia by the time we have the chance to practise and that would mean that a LOT of lovely ladies will have missed out too.

Or are you also thinking of starting up some kind of 'practice exchange' where we can practice with willing subjects in return for delivering some of that GOOD umm 'bonking' that you mentioned?

Curious minds want to know.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 29, 2011 2:25 PM

Hi Barb :))
Just so you know .. I very much like your wisdom too.
You are clearly a smart lady.
At our ages I think we are all wise enough to know that GOOD umm "bonking" MUST be part of the package.
So just a tip for all the men out there read, learn, put into practice :)

Posted by: sweeetlillee at December 29, 2011 9:23 AM

sweeetlilee ... from your lips to God's ears. Have grown quite fond of Foodie (in a wierd kind of way) and would love him to find the love of his life, someone who loves him regardless of his idiosyncrasies, someone who could prove to him that there really are women out there who can love completely, regardless of gene compatibility, bank balance or social position.

Can't discount unique's advice though - don't we all !!!!! Again, from unique's lips to God's ears!

cheers,
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at December 28, 2011 8:38 PM

Nah

Foodie you need a good hard bonk

LOL

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 28, 2011 4:50 PM

Hi Foodie
I like your wisdom .. and that surprises me as much as it probably surprises you. :)
I wonder though .. "if in doubt walk away"?
This has been my practice of late and Im wondering now if it is just becoming a habit, its easier to walk than wait and let the emotions settle.
Sometimes doubt is only fear.
When I read your posts they leave me with one overwhelming thought. That you need to fall in love .. the truely, madly, deeply kind of love.. the kind that makes us all stupid. She will be caring and honest and giving and she will restore your faith and warm your heart :)

Posted by: sweeetlillee at December 28, 2011 10:58 AM

With a 40% divorce rate there are plenty of singles shopping for a new partner. If an individual walks into any singles venue and spends time observing singles and their body language, they will observe that the first encounter will be conducted using sound business principles. As the night progresses and the influence of alcohol takes hold, the discussion will progress to sex and singles will couple up for the night.

The Ancient Greek aphorism "Know Thyself" was inscribed in the pronaos of the Temple of Apollo at Delphi.

The ancient Greek philosophers believed that for humanity to comprehend the human spirit they would first have to understand oneself. Understanding of oneself means understanding personal limitations, habits, temperament, ability to control the emotions, and other aspects of human behaviour.

Ancient Greek philosophy and wisdom is not taught in schools. The Dalai Lama has been quoted as saying "Westerners it is better to stick to your own religion." There is wisdom in the Dalai Lama�s comments. Ancient Greek philosophy and Eastern Spirituality are personal experience disciplines. Western religions are belief systems; spiritually, philosophically, and psychologically incompatible with Ancient Greek philosophy and Eastern wisdom.

Too many Westerners read New Age books without understanding the spiritual basics and implications because the authors are mere neophytes and not spiritually evolved masters.

Seeking a soul mate is a popular clich� term. True soul mate spiritual bonding starts at a very early age and is a until death do us part spiritual union. A true soul mate who losses their partner will never remarry.

Tantra sex is another misunderstood Eastern philosophy. Westerners believe that they can read a book and start practising Tantra sex. Awakening the Kundalini fire is a dangerous practice.

There are a number of research articles in circulation that state having sex too early in a new relationship can cause detrimental instability to the relationship. Chemicals released during sex are opiate chemicals that can cause the brain to fall into a false sense of emotional security. Tantra sex takes it one step farther. Chemicals secreted in the body during Tantra sex requires a skilled Tantra practitioner to equalise. If those chemicals are not equalised during Tantra sex, deep long term emotional and psychological problems occur.

Knowledge is power. There are no guarantees in life. Possessing the correct knowledge, tools, asking the difficult questions and evaluating the long term potential minimises the risk of entering into a bad relationship. When in doubt walk away; there are plenty of other prospects in circulation.

Posted by: foodieatheart at December 27, 2011 11:14 PM

Listen MORE than you talk

You will learn more about the person doing the talking

Observe without the thought or desire to correct or teach - simply because you know that to be listened to is rare.

Less nerves when you don't place yourself under pressure to make conversation.

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 27, 2011 4:16 PM

True story, my lovely new neighbour (who is very scottish) told my other neighbour " I did not know Sharon had two dogs, she told me she only had one" to which he replied "get your bloody eyes checked woman, that ones a wee cement doggie!" Omg have never laughed so hard for ages. Apparently, had spent two days calling out to the doggie. She probably thought the dog had first date nerves/ Happy New Years to all. S xx

Posted by: shazzam5 at December 27, 2011 4:16 PM

Hi, Amberlightrose and Kisskat65.
There are some of us who just jump straight into the pool and some who dip a toe in the water first before deciding whether or not to go further. Neither approach is either 'right' or 'wrong' but each appraoch is appropriate for those using it.

Expectations are probably the biggest single handicap that anybody can bring to a first meeting, at least after poor self esteem and emotional non-availability.

If 'nerves' are an issue, the person concerned might need to ask 'why'. They may also need to plan on getting there a little early and taking some time to draw a few good, deep breaths and settle themselves down before the meeting. Inner nervousness has this strong tendency to reveal itself on the outside in some way or other.

Hi, The8thyanger.
Welkum too ther blogs.

I see that your first post on here is a carbon copy of your "About Me" on your profile - - - - - -
[Edited by RSVP Moderator.]

Just my 0.02.

You all have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 27, 2011 1:39 PM

Posted by: the8thyanger at December 27, 2011 8:26 AM

While I tend to agree that dating sites can make some people BELIEVE that they have a lot of choice - when they actually don't. I do find your analogy:

"Make those same two people put them on a desert Island they will be at it inside a week and "soul mates" soon after."

just a a little too simplistic.

While probably quite true in the beginning - if not very compatible - they may well have either murdered each other or have made separate camps a year or two down the track - desert island or not.
Unless of course there are ferocious predators which means they actually need each other to truly survive :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at December 27, 2011 12:42 PM

Exactly Kisskat :)
Lets be blunt here - until you do actually meet - you have no idea if the person you have been emailing/talking to is ANYTHING like their profile OR their photo.

Meeting up is just to see if there is a remote chance of wanting to take tings further. e,g. start dating.
You are more likely to find that you really don't 'gel 'after all.

If you do find that the person is really nice - and you want to see them again - it is still only a very early step - and you may still find after the first or any subsequent dates that the person isn't really who you are looking for.

Too much angst over the first meet is only setting yourself up for possible and real disappointment - over someone who may not have even been telling you the truth to start with.
Just be yourself and have an open mind. After all that person if interested - is going to find out who you really are eventually anyway :)
So honesty at the start is more likely to mean less pain in the future.

Posted by: amberlightrose at December 27, 2011 11:40 AM

Magnificent..
Nerves why nerves? Fear of being judged. Fear of rejection. You attempting to find a "soul mate" in a sea of despair.. 3 bil females 3 bil males. Pretty even actually. Why on line dating does not work is simple. Choice and more choice. This one no good back to the well.. Take those same two people put them on a desert Island they will be at it inside a week and "soul mates" soon after. Perhaps we should all take a deep breath and get over it. In the end it will be your instinctive process that will make the choice. Nobody walks across the dance floor because they think that person will an excellent conversationalist. The genes, and the instincts are in charge and personalities are secondary.

Posted by: the8thyanger at December 27, 2011 8:26 AM

i think the best way to eliminate first date nerves is not to consider it a date. it is two people meeting to see IF they want to go on a date.....

Posted by: kisskat65 at December 27, 2011 6:02 AM

Hi Ex, I missed out on the dead line. Too busy unpacking etc. Sat down to read the blogs and to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and safe and wonderful New Year. I have no stamps to keep in touch, but I will buy some soon so I can send you my email address.
Things are going well in the new house and am off to the Sunshine Coast for New Years with the lovely man I met.
My dog has settled in well and turns out that my neighbour had a dog who looks exactly like Sam and she started to cry with happiness because she soo looked like her old dog. To Big, Amber, Magnet, Margie etc etc, take care guys. S XX

Posted by: shazzam5 at December 24, 2011 10:38 AM

TO shazzam5. Shazza, I would like to keep in touch with you even 'though you are now inactive. As I cannot send you an email, if you read this, could you please send me one with private contact details. The free email contact ends in 4 days.

Posted by: exmelbourne at December 17, 2011 12:02 PM

Peaceful

thank you :-)

xxx

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 11, 2011 8:52 AM

I know that feeling dave, though I think you probably should have said, 'get out of bed', not 'get up'!!!!

Posted by: thebigman9 at December 10, 2011 11:55 PM

Hi, ooouniqueooo.
Gopheritt, Lady. As you yourself would say, have no expectations, just enjoy and see where it may lead. Whatever the outcome, treasue the experiences and learn the lessons.

And if I happen to be flying over Sydney in the near future and see a 'wrung-out dish rag' hanging from a clothes hoist in Beautiful Downtown Western Greater Sydney, I will know what happened? LOL.

You have a wonderful time.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 10, 2011 10:46 PM

Hey Bigman - it happens just before the alarm goes off. - bugga - time to get up.
lol
cheers
dave

Posted by: daveshere at December 10, 2011 5:50 PM

First date nerves?

Well - I enjoy a coffee/drink in the city. Even better with a partner.

So just enjoy doing what your doing. If it leads on or out, well you hopefully had a nice chat while enjoying doing what you like doing.

With some women I felt like I was at a job interview - Which I guess I was.

Be prepared.

Regards - Stephen

Posted by: stephen54 at December 10, 2011 1:32 PM

Sweet mix

Yes we are having fun here. Hehe. Thanks for noticing. Hope you are well also :-)

I respect the knowledge & experience that people like peaceful, burnt, Foodie, amber, Remi, and so forth share with us all. And the experiences that we hear from those who open up for healing etc but enjoyment and happiness is my main reason for being here.

This player is out of the game and enjoying every moment with a gorgeous hunk who has distracted me for the moment. It has become exclusive in the last week. I got to know him while meeting other men over the last 2 months. He is uncomplicated. Adores me because I accept him as he is. And he accepts me for who I am.

Funny how we think we know what we want. Then someone comes from nowhere and blows that to smitherines by reminding us of the basics.

Take me... For who I am. As I am.
Something we all want

And true to form, I am enjoying each moment in the now with no hope or expectation of the future thanks to understanding the nature of
impermanence.

Understanding that has changed my life.

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 10, 2011 7:36 AM

Ummm..sorry..sighhh..that should have been "pre" date nerves not post lol My mind was slightly mentally fatigued..with pleasant things though..smiles....

Sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at December 9, 2011 11:31 AM

Hey brucedw, how do you manage that? I can barely get to a second date let alone experience the unbridled joy that would come when you get a woman's clothes off!! Oh, well, back to the search.

Posted by: thebigman9 at December 9, 2011 10:49 AM

Peaceful and ooouniqueooo..sounds like you two are having fun with the blogs which is great anyway...Good luck to both of you I say in whatever manner you connect,,wink wink.. lol!

When is the festive season over?? Right now it's babysitting non stop apparently for a while yet anyway, so I can't keep up with the blogs at the moment as I am also busy with christmas concerts for the aged .. not me.. lol..people ermm quite a bit older than my good self. I do so love it though. Another one tomorrow..then babysitting tomorrow night lol. Am glad I have nothing else to do lol Also organising social events for next year for the singing group as well as the secretarial duties that have to be taken care of.. Christmas lunch yesterday with the singers..lobster.. mmmmmmmm "wunnerful" to pinch someone elses's saying haha

Hey Margie..how are you?? I am doing well thanks for asking..smiles.. A little tired but nothing to complain about compared to many...What are you doing Christmas day?

Well to get back on topic.. I have no plans for any dates right now so therefore I have absolutely no post date nerves at all! hahahaha..Least all my christmas shopping is DONE! Yay! Phewwww..the presents anyway ..

Sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at December 8, 2011 9:26 PM

I usually get their (my date) clothes off so fast that there's no time to be nervous. LOL.

Posted by: brucedw at December 8, 2011 5:27 PM

Ha, ha, ha, ha, Sweetmixture sinister, funny! Not on your life!

M xxx

Posted by: margie284 at December 8, 2011 4:49 PM

If anything, the interaction between peaceful and myself is exactly how nervousness can be dispensed with.

Relax

Listen

Observe

Tease

Laugh

Get cheeky

Share

etc

When you can BE YOURSELF, there are no nerves

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 8, 2011 3:23 PM

Hi, Sweetmixture.
Are you by some chance trying to say that Unique and I are taking over this blog - - - - - - or is there some other possibly 'more sinister' insinuation there? LOL.

Y'all hava wunnfer-full day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 8, 2011 10:27 AM

Sweet mix

simply a case of show and tell

hahaha

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 8, 2011 8:12 AM

...and glad you did Sweet!! Hope things are going well.

M xxx

Posted by: margie284 at December 8, 2011 7:58 AM

The peaceful and ooouniqueooo show lol...
Sorry..being out everyday lately am just way too tired to even contemplate posting lol although I just did didn't I? lol...Cheers all....mwahhhhh..smiles...

Sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at December 7, 2011 9:05 PM

Hi, ooouniqueooo.
On chosing to learn from every situation - is there any other valid reason for having situations?

Quote:
"I enjoy being aware of what I'm feeling as I feel it and Mmmmm ooohh golly

hahaha"
Unquote.

Now just where did your mind go as you were typing that?

Yes, I have enjoyed our chats and our explorations and I lookforward to more of them in the future.

There have been some gaps between the 'blisses' though

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 7, 2011 5:56 PM

Peaceful

How wonderful that you also choose to learn from every situation you find yourself in :-)

Isn't it fantastic?!!! lol

I enjoy being aware of what I'm feeling as I feel it and Mmmmm ooohh golly

hahaha

Good to see Just a peek of where you have been and isn't the universe amazing! See? Once we get it, we've got it for life.

Always uplifting when we come across what we're already familiar with.

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 7, 2011 8:26 AM

Hi, ooouniqueooo.
Quote:
"its draining when we have to explain ourselves

its draining when we have to explain lol

its draining when people don't "get it"

it is bliss when we do

did you get that? lol"

Unquote.

yes, I DID get that - - - - - but not recently.

I have been telling people for many years that I have a warped sense of humour. It's so warped that when other people don't get my jokes, it only makes them funnier for me.

My second long-term partner used to say that if you have to explain a joke, it's not funny. I don't explain my jokes if people don't 'get' them. I just laugh more.

I married into the infatuation thing too, with a lady who turned out to be a 'wanna-be' controller (Can you imagine how that would work with me?) - but I think it was worth it 'cos I learned. I learned a LOT. For that reason, I treasure those times.

Then I had an almost 12-year de facto relationship with a manipulator. I pulled the plug on that one too when it got 'monotonous' - - - BUT, I learned from it so I can treasure it too.

If I EVER find that I have stopped learning, I will know for sure that I am DEAD from the neck up.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 6, 2011 9:21 PM

Peaceful

its draining when we have to explain ourselves

its draining when we have to explain lol

its draining when people don't "get it"

it is bliss when we do

did you get that? lol

Roger that on the infatuation thing
I married into that twice lol
main thing is that we learn
and we both know that ain't gonna stop any time soon

peace :-)

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 5, 2011 7:10 PM

Hi, ooouniqueooo.
To just SIT and watch a sunset, sunrise or moonrise or to watch a thunderstorm pass by from just ouside it - - - or to simply BE together without the need for words, the just being being all that is needed or wanted. Yes, I can relate to that.

It may be 'draining' but somebody's gotta do it. Perhaps those who ARE good at it could save some of the others the trouble. LOL.

BTW, IF I remember rightly, you made a 'threat' about draining me in another blog a while back - something about how I'd better be fit 'cos you would give me a run for my money. Is that the same thing that we are talking about here? LOL.

Enjoy your stay in PARADISE.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 5, 2011 3:17 PM

To S, stay safe and merry Xmas

M xxx

Posted by: margie284 at December 4, 2011 9:04 PM

Posted by: ananachronism at December 2
go AnA go!! ~~!!!!!!!!
Things are still going well here (in the never rain area) of QLD Bloody qld, beautiful one day and probably flooding the next.No rain for 2 months. Moving day nxt Fri so will be off air for a while but will check out your posts. Merry xmas to all from me, stay safe, be good to each other. S xx ps he even brought a cooked meal with him and choccies.

Posted by: shazzam5 at December 4, 2011 7:05 PM

Nothing wrong with enjoying silence either peaceful

Applying what we know outside of relationship is amazing with people who are like-minded. No words are necessary.

We dont have to explain anything

*sigh*

It can be draining lol

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 4, 2011 7:39 AM

Hi, ooouniqueooo.
I have this 'faint suspicion' that I too would enjoy the chance to sit with you over a good coffee and swap 'honesties'. Sadly, it happens all too rarely in our society today. The REAL pity of it is that most people just plain can't see that being WAY more open and honest with each other would make for better understanding, which mostly makes for better relationships - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - and SEX.

Yes, I can arrange a spare room - - - - and it's not the same one that the dog (that I don't have) would sleep in.

I won't tell you any more about the 'sensory experience' that I offered you either. I'll let it be a surprise. (Now, now, people. PLEEZ, TRY to keep your minds above your navels, at least for this short moment. I did say 'SENSORY', not sensual.)

Will you be bringing 'any special footwear'? LOL.

You'll be welcome either way, with 'em or without 'em.

That 'triangular' dinner sounds interesting too.

Now, shall we let the folks here get all frustrated trying to figger the meaning of all of the above? And tell 'em nothing? He, he, he.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 3, 2011 10:17 PM

Foodie

Mmmmm interesting

"When poverty comes in the door, love flies out the window"

Are you afraid of losing everything before love comes to your door or after?

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 3, 2011 6:54 PM

Peaceful & Amber

Imo, its simple, practical, and healthier for the mind body soul...

To think that way :)

Peaceful I would rather meet you at the centre point tower lol

Be good to sit listen absorb. Somehow, i think you'll be heading this way sooner than I'll be heading up yours though. I'm currently on holiday for another 2 wks but have already planned it. My next leave is last week Jan. Got a spare room ?

Hmmm a private audience with the peaceful one.

???

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 3, 2011 6:09 PM

Thank you Foodie, timely words for me this week!0

Posted by: reminiscing1 at December 3, 2011 2:18 PM

Foodie,

"Emotionally stable men . . . "

Well said; this needs to be repeated constantly judging by how many women report this.

Burntabit

Posted by: burntabit at December 3, 2011 9:10 AM

I am such a romantic. I read what foodie says and I think....Love conquers all. Where there is a will there is a way!

I am neither rich or naive and still like to believe that there is someone for me out t here who will love me for who I am and not for what I do or do not possess when it comes to wealth. I in turn would love them in the same way. Life can be rich in so many other ways....

Sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at December 3, 2011 7:23 AM

Hi, Foodie.
Yer welkum too yer opp-in-yun as expressed in your last para. I don't happen to agree with it 'cos I don't think there is an 'alarm clock' or 'timer' on attraction but yer welkum too yer op-in-yun.

Just my 0.02.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 3, 2011 6:04 AM

Life is holistic and in equilibrium. People multi-task and at any given moment there are many issues governing a person's life; many of those decisions are not harmonious with the greater picture of life.

Regardless where a person resides on this planet; people with high ethical standards aspire to improve living conditions for themselves and their immediate family structure. Adopt a positive attitude and beware that are some people existing in society are opportunists masquerading as benevolent benefactors.

In my world; houses don't grow from acorns, cash is not freely dispensed from an ATM and supermarkets are not charitable institutions. Therefore; people have to work for a living.

Proverb - When poverty comes in at the door, love flies out of the window. The meaning - If a couple gets married because they are in love, but they do not have enough money, they will stop loving each other when the money runs out.

The earliest recorded statement was in 1474. Herof men saye a comyn prouerbe in englond that loue lastest as longe as the money endurith.

Love in a modern society will only flourish when the financial infrastructure is sustainable. It is natural to become nervous with a stranger. A person has to evaluate whether a permanent relationship is worth the financial investment and if their prospect is psychologically stable.

Emotionally stable men don't fall in love after a few encounters. Men who tell women that they love them after a few encounters are either seeking a surrogate mother, psychological unstable, confidence tricksters, scammers or Casanovas.

Posted by: foodieatheart at December 2, 2011 10:24 PM

Hi, AnA.
Gudunya, M8. May happiness follow your every thought and deed.

Gopheritt.

Hi, Amber.
Well, thank you, Ma/am. I feel pretty comfortable with it too, and have for quite a while.

You all have a wonderful day.
Best wishes..
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 2, 2011 7:30 PM

AnA..couldn't have happened to a nicer guy...mutters under my breath..There is hope for the rest of us..there IS!"

Merry Christmas AnA and in the nicest way as said by you."Hope we don't see you again..!" Lol.... All the best and adios!..Sighhhhh

Sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at December 2, 2011 5:08 PM

Point taken Amber ha, ha!

Best wishes Ana xx

Not that much of a good sport Peaceful ha, ha! I used to think of them as friendly, comfortable to yak to, not leer-y (not a word...I know, I know), matey (maybe not the right word)...but not so much anymore.

(for Amber) M xxx

Posted by: margie284 at December 2, 2011 4:59 PM

@AnA: congrats, good luck. Hope to hear the success story from you then :). Pls pray for me that I will find mine as well...

@Foodie: yes I'm afraid you're right, we all play on a stage.
Definitely we play a role on this earth, but we don't have to identify ourselves with what we play, or what we possess or not possess. If we do, then it's how we have the anxiety, insecurity and fear, because we base our self-worth and self-esteem in something superficial. Furthermore, those fears are the biggest things that can block our heart to be loving, and to find love!

If we do play, I hope we don't play or live this tragic play:
"Another hero - another mindless crime.
Behind the curtain, in the pantomime.
Hold the line!
Does anybody want to take it anymore?
The Show must go on!
The Show must go on!Yeah!
Inside my heart is breaking,
My make-up may be flaking,
But my smile, still, stays on!......"

Can you/anybody guess whose song this is? Hehehe.... :)

Have a nice weekend everybody....

Posted by: shanitza2011 at December 2, 2011 2:21 PM

Coffee means coffee LLTD

Unless i change my mind

hahaha

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 2, 2011 12:11 PM

Well Margie,
Not being 'picky' or anything - but I don't think CAM is doing much for your 'image' :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at December 2, 2011 8:53 AM

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 1, 2011 7:16 PM

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 1, 2011 11:34 PM

Hi peaceful.
Love the way you think :)

And I really identified with this:

"If a relationship breaks down or doesn't even get started, don't get all bent out of shape about it. Treasure the experience, learn the lessons and move on.

Works for me. Some people see it as being cold or emotionless. I see it as being practical. If somebody does not WANT to get into a relationship with me, there is absolutely no point in stressing or grieving about it. THAT would be allowing my ego to take charge and I try not to be egotistical."

That's the way I tend to view things as well :)

And same with you Ex-Melbourne. I might eventually buy some more stamps and give it another shot in a few months time :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at December 2, 2011 7:35 AM

Well folks, I'm also having a Shazzam moment and have hidden my profile. I have been seeing someone I met through here for about a month and it is going swimmingly so we're off to explore things further.

I've enjoyed my short time on these blogs immensely, they are such a great read and such wonderful supportive contributors.

I hope you all find someone special soon. Whilst I mean it in the nicest way, I hope you never hear from me again.

AnA

Posted by: ananachronism at December 2, 2011 6:11 AM

Hi, Margie284.
Definition of a 'good sport':
A woman walking home at 2 am with her panties over her shoulder and singing, "For He's A Jolly Good Fellow".

Hi, Amber.
If my memory serves me right, there is about 14 years between your age group and mine and there have been some societal changes in that time.

On top of that, I think it would be fairly safe to say that I am NOT your average male, from my generation or any other.

Thirdly, I respect women as people and fellow human beings rather than seeing you as 'sexual objects'. That is NOT to say that I don't have sexual thoughts about some of you BUT . . . . . . . . . . . . . I see you as people, NOT objects.

If one of you FEMALE PEOPLE has the courage to come right and say that you would like to get to know me better - - - or whatever - - - I am going to respect your 'intestinal fortitude'. H*#l, it may even inspire me to want to get to know her better - - - or whatever.

Just my 0.02.

You all have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 1, 2011 11:34 PM

Hi, ooouniqueooo.
I think I'd love to have coffee with you if I can make it down your way - - - or if you can make it up here.

After reading LLTD's comment below, do you think we might be able to make a quick buck out of a meeting for coffee by selling tickets to it, perhaps at the SCG?

'Course, we won't BE there, would we. But we could sell tickets.

Hi, LLTD. You've got enough homework to do at the moment with the stuff that I've already sent you without worrying about learning anything else from Unique and/or me.

What's the goss on last night?

Hi, Spartacus.
Something like that has been a LARGE slice of my philospohy for MANY years now. If a relationship breaks down or doesn't even get started, don't get all bent out of shape about it. Treasure the experience, learn the lessons and move on.

Works for me. Some people see it as being cold or emotionless. I see it as being practical. If somebody does not WANT to get into a relationship with me, there is absolutely no point in stressing or grieving about it. THAT would be allowing my ego to take charge and I try not to be egotistical. (Egotistical? Now there's a $4.00 word. Does that have something to do with the way I fill out my skin-tight blue jeans?)

Catchyalater.

You all have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 1, 2011 7:16 PM

In my very, limited experience of 'first dates' (only had 12 in 8 months), being slightly nervous is good. It keeps you on your toes, shows your human side, and lets you approach the meeting with open eyes. If the lady feels the same it makes for a more interesting experience.

By the same token, as LLTD was my first 'first date', everyone that followed had a huge disadvantage (she was very chuffed to have broken in a 'virgin!!'). How could they possibly measure up?

Posted by: thebigman9 at December 1, 2011 6:04 PM

Practice makes for less nervousness so celery about 10-20, you'll be right B-)

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 1, 2011 4:09 PM

ExMelbourne

hahaha ex bozo

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 1, 2011 2:40 PM

Peaceful & Unique,
Wouldn't I like to be a fly on the wall, when you two "do coffee". Could possibly learn a thing or two.

Posted by: ladylikestodance at December 1, 2011 1:52 PM

I don't get so nervous for a first meeting because I have always looked at meetings as, if the beginning of anything, a friendship and work your way along from there.

I'm thinking that my personality doesn't allow guys to take me seriously perhaps? I get along well with guys, all sorts of guys except conservationists, I ask them too many questions apparently, ha, ha! I'm constantly told how much of a 'good sport' I am by guys. It's annoying me now and I'd really like to meet the guy who I get butterflies in my tummy at the thought of meeting them face-to-face. Any game takers?? Can't travel far right now but I think I could scratch enough up for a cuppa. Ha, ha!

CAM xxx

Posted by: margie284 at December 1, 2011 12:12 PM

Lets do coffee when you're in town peaceful

It will be a pleasure to sit back and enjoy

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 1, 2011 8:46 AM

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 30, 2011 6:48 PM
"I don't think most men of my generation mind at all if a woman around their own age approaches them - but they just don't 'value' her as highly as a woman they have had to chase".
WRONG, Amber. I value them just as much or more if women approach me. I (and probably other blokes as well) get tired of being expected to do the approaching and welcome the interest shown; it shows independence and that the woman has grown up and is modern enough to get rid of this old-fashioned "weaker sex" nonsense.
Sparty, I agree: never heard of the 3 day rule. Who cares about some other bozo's rules?
Ever onward & upward!
L

Posted by: exmelbourne at December 1, 2011 7:51 AM

He who is assertive will certainly stand a better chance than he who is nervous so if you're about to meet & greet?

Take control.

Listen MORE than you speak :-D

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 30, 2011 10:47 PM

Hi, ooouniqueooo.
Quote:
"Truth be told, I should have been a man lol."
Unquote.
I suspect that you are one of the pioneers of a new type of woman. I think that the day of the meek, shy, retiring, wait-for-it-to-happen woman is coming to a close. The transition may take a while yet but I think I see it happening bit by bit and from day to day. I think it will be a good thing.

Fact being, I think there are a few of you on these blogs. I find it refreshing that women will stand up and say what they think. I find it even more refreshing that some women will ackshully ask for what they want in many areas where they would not have done so a generation or two ago.

This is a huge change for the better when compared with women expecting us men to be mind readers and then being all put out when we either didn't get the message right or didn't even get that there WAS a message.

'Sides, your hair would look out of place on a male body.

Just my 0.02.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at November 30, 2011 10:02 PM

Peaceful: "Or maybe you just need to keep looking for the ONE who won't be grossed out." I like that and really, isn't that what we want? I think so.

CAM xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 30, 2011 7:23 PM

Peaceful,
I don't think most men of my generation mind at all if a woman around their own age approaches them - but they just don't 'value' her as highly as a woman they have had to chase :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 30, 2011 6:48 PM

Posted by: barbaraw at November 30, 2011 3:20 PM

I have no idea Barbara :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 30, 2011 6:10 PM

Some fantastic comments coming out in this blog.
3 day rule, never heard of it, sounds like an excuse to be rude to me. I have taken that long to decide whether I wanted to try and develop anything after a meet, but always made some form of contact very soon after the meet. Why take so long to decide you ask, sometimes there are issues/complications that you see could have an impact on taking anything further. These things need time to dissect/contemplate.
Posted by: gippygirl75 at November 30, 2011 8:29 AM
And commented on by amberlightrose at November 30, 2011 12:46 PM
Agreed, he sounds like a dangler... ha ha ha is there such a word...lol
peacefulsixty at November 30, 2011 4:35 PM "Don't cry because you lost it. SMILE because you had it." Perfect!
Sparty (52)

Posted by: spartacus2011 at November 30, 2011 5:38 PM

I agree with peacefulsixty! If I am how I am and someone doesn't like it then he's just not into me. If I like someone, I'm going to tell them and if they freak out, then they're not the man for me.

Posted by: missdragon8 at November 30, 2011 5:28 PM

grippygirl

The 3 day rule seems a bit long. I work along the lines of if they're interested in you they would tell you in person at the end of the date or a few hours later by phone/text.

Longer then that just move on.

Posted by: lovetheocean78 at November 30, 2011 5:13 PM

Posted by: peacefulsixty at November 30, Amen to your post. Thought police, big brother and rules etc. Still love that Skyhooks song "Living in the 70's". Didnt lock the door, rbt -what the hell is that? And women used to make a move if they wanted too. pc used to be a brand name of spaghetti minus the "s".
Sxx

Posted by: shazzam5 at November 30, 2011 4:50 PM

Hi, Folks.
Sign seen on the back of a Wicked Campers van:
"Don't cry because you lost it. SMILE because you had it."

For mine, if a woman finds herself interested in me and wants to know more, she is quite free and welcome to approach me. I will not judge her or think she is anything but honest.

How-wevver, having said that, I faintly suspect that I might be in a minority here.

I personally think that the 'hunter and hunted' BS has run its course and it's time we adopted the equality that so many people have been talking about for so long. I'm still waiting for someone - anyone - to give me a VALID reason why any woman ought not to make the first approach if she so chooses.

Hmmmmm????? Maybe not in an Islamic society. But BOY, are women oppressed in some parts where they practice that that 'ligion.

3-day rule??????? Never followed many 'rools' anyway so why should I follow that one when I don't believe in it.

7 'rools' to MAKE him notice you.

8 'rools' to capture his heart.

10 things you should NEVER do on a first date.

6 things you should NEVER do in bed.

Whoinna hell comes up with all these 'rools' and 'must do's'???? Haven't these people ever heard of individuality? Very, VERY few of us are carbon copies of anybody else. We all have our little quirks and preferences. That's part of what makes this ' looking-for-a-mate business so interesting.

Just be yourself and do what feels right for you. If EVERYBODY else seems grossed out by it, maybe you need to reconsider your approach and your preferences. Or maybe you just need to keep looking for the ONE who won't be grossed out. LOL.

You all have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at November 30, 2011 4:35 PM

Posted by: margie284 at November 29, 2011 7:46 PM
Posted by: amberlightrose at November 30, 2011 6:47 AM
Oooohhh is that what he meant? I only skimread it and assumed the dishwashing liquid reference was just put there to see if anyone actually reads the stuff he writes. ;-)

Posted by: barbaraw at November 30, 2011 3:20 PM

Shanitza

hahaha as an upfront and straightforward woman, I will inform the gentleman if I am interested in meeting him again before we end the first date or meet & greet.

I am not bothered with whether he is or isn't

That is not within my control.

If I see a delicious specimen, I will make it known. Delicious to my mind. Delicious to my eyes. Delicious to my senses... I will back that interest up with an email.

I think we all row the same boat in this regard - if interested (sufficiently) a man OR a woman will kiss AND EMAIL

Truth be told, I should have been a man lol.

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 30, 2011 2:38 PM

shantiza- one of the best profiles on RS I am not suggesting you are my perfect match & I definately am not your match, I just love to read a really good profile with a lot of clear info of who the person is & what they are looking for. Well done
Mal

Posted by: musicmal at November 30, 2011 1:25 PM

Posted by: gippygirl75 at November 30, 2011 8:29 AM

Exactly Gippy, It's what guys do when they want to keep you dangling - 'just in case' the one they REALLY fancy eventually answers their email :)

If "he's not that into you"....then cut him loose and look for someone who is :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 30, 2011 12:46 PM

I agree wholeheartedly Shanitza. Well put.
Magnet

Posted by: msmagnet11 at November 30, 2011 9:09 AM

3 day rule - if that passes and you've heard nothing, then I guess he's "just not that into you"! Or as in my case not so long ago, "things are a bit complicated / crazy at the moment", "don't mean to stuff you around, but..."...lead me to the conclusion that he "wasn't that into me"...

Posted by: gippygirl75 at November 30, 2011 8:29 AM

Just viewed your profile Shani - and to be honest I find it hard to believe you'd have ANY trouble :)

But then from my own experience - really nice guys that you 'click' with can be few and far between at times.
But surely with such a large population - there must be some nice guys out there. Good luck GF :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 30, 2011 8:11 AM

Posted by: shanitza2011 at November 30, 2011 1:12 AM

Exactly - Shanitza :)
Men often complain when we older women don't approach them "and behave like equals" but trequently when we do.......

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 30, 2011 6:53 AM

Posted by: lovetheocean78 at November 29, 2011 6:35 PM

What a great attitude :)
And I think you are right Lovetheocean - people who ignore others or treat them with contempt are showing their 'true colours'.
And does anyone in all honesty, want a potential partner who is so callous and calculating that they are only respectful and thoughtful to those who have/are something they really want?

And you are right of course - as many of us have said previously - it IS all about good luck and timing - and a RSVP stamp is really more like a lottery ticket than a sure thing :)

Yes Margie I agree completely.
Foodie- it sounds like you might have had a rough trot mate - but then it also seems you might also reduce relationships to a series of 'tit for tat' transactions - which never leads to happiness for either party.

If you are so suspicious of the motives of women - then perhaps you shouldn't be looking at all?

Or try another tack. Come down off your "it's all mine" sand-castle and pretend you have no money at all - move into a lower socio-economic area and find a woman who will truly love you for you and not for what you have.
But then perhaps such an 'ordinary' woman wouldn't be good enough?

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 30, 2011 6:47 AM

I have the same idea with Amberlightrose:
"Maybe it's the old fashioned way many of the men in our generation think - that if a woman approaches you (unless she's 'hot' and 35 of course) she must be a tad desperate?"

But I was surprised myself when I read a lot about tips and rules for nowadays dating. It seems that it's still the general, international and natural 'rule' that men are always the hunter.

If we (women) show genuine interest, then we'll be regarded as being 'too keen'. If we are just nice and humble, they will say that we are 'desperate'. Worse than that, if we'd love to hear what his feeling is after the first meeting with us, we have to wait until 3 days (the "3-day-rule"!), otherwise the man will think that we're 'aggresive' and again, the tips say that aggresiveness (for a woman) is a big turn off for a man.

While for me personally, I would appreciate it so much if the man texts me immediately after the meeting (I agree with the majority here that the first meeting is not a dating). Contrary with the rule, waiting for 3 days would make me wonder if he's actually interested in me or not, whether he actually enjoyed the meeting or not - and wondering too long will actually turn me off! Men actually don't need to worry - expressing their interest is still very far from stating love; we're not demanding it yet!

So I imagine that if I were a man, I would enjoy the men's privilege of being a hunter! If I really liked the girl, I wouldn't hesitate to contact her, without disregarding courtesy and without sacrificing my dignity as well. Even in the early stage, when it's still about sending a kiss or email, if one didn't get the reply, why not send another kiss or email?

That's your privilege for being a man!

Or maybe - it's back to our basic underlying problem: the fear of rejection. We've been through so many painful rejections that now we have to think very long before taking action. Anyway this is much easier and simpler to understand rather than "the fear of dish washing detergent".....hehehehe... LOL...

Posted by: shanitza2011 at November 30, 2011 1:12 AM

Posted by: daveshere at November 28, 2011 5:09 PM

Imagine the number of stamps you could buy for the price of that air ticket

AnA

Posted by: ananachronism at November 29, 2011 8:37 PM

Foodie, I disagree. Most people have no fear whatsoever of dish washing detergent! Yes, you do get that sprinkling of gold-diggers even in small towns. Your experiences have differed, obviously. How many of us began our marriages with nothing and a child on the way. How many of us have raised all our children and improved our own circumstances to this point. You take a small percentage of the female population and tar all females with the same brush. Unfair Foodie. Judgemental and foolish. Humans are fundamentally the same...you too as much as you would hate that.

CAM xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 29, 2011 7:46 PM

Nous,

It happens all the time, just think to yourself that at least you didn't waste X amount time dating, getting to know her then bang she never contacts you again.

Stamps are really cheap for what you will eventually get if you meet the right one etc....

Just don't take it personally, don't let this place consume all your time/energy, and take it all with a grain of salt.

For what it's worth, I met my last long term partner here (5 years together), and the other day I thought back on how long I was on here till we meet. It was 9-10 months (best guess maybe longer), dated about 5, emailed/chatted to 12-15. Basically it's all about time and timing, and luck LOL.

Posted by: lovetheocean78 at November 29, 2011 6:35 PM

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,

As You Like It by William Shakespeare.

In the 400 years since the above words were written, human behaviour has not changed. From the time of birth to death we are all bit actors in the charade called life.

Always look on the bright side of life and beware of impostors masquerading as benevolent benefactors. Managing your life is just like managing a successful business; get the fundamentals correct and everything else naturally falls into place.

A person is like an onion. You have to peal away the layers to get to the core. Singles dating is like the British sitcom Keeping up Appearances. A charade by the pompous and self-serving obsessed by perfection, image and etiquette, trying to impress and convince others that the charade they project is life�s reality.

As pointed out by many people in this blog, too many singles possess unrealistic expectations. It is very apparent in Perth where the perception is that there is no financial correction cycle. If a man is not earning a six figure income he is automatically excluded as a prospect. The reality is that men earning high incomes have been exposed to the office politics and bedroom shenanigans over many years and they possess a highly developed sixth sense to women X-raying the wallet.

Yesterday is history; the now is what counts. The global prosperity boom has imploded; we now live in a global correction cycle. Life is still a simple and elegant affair. Contented people are holistic people who balance the financial infrastructure to maintain life with the love required to create equilibrium of mind, body and soul conducive for a harmonious relationship.

Everyone intuitively possesses those skills; very few are willing to compromise and work towards developing the required life skills to sustain the generated euphoria. My impression is that people who refuse to evolve have developed the fear of dish washing detergent.

Posted by: foodieatheart at November 29, 2011 3:44 PM

Amber, it's cool. I knew what you meant, hun.

Exmelb, hehehh
just on the EEEEWWWWW, I was so tempted to allude to Foodie's gluteus maximus,
but it seems I have traumatised him for he has retreated in the bunker.

Posted by: ladylikestodance at November 29, 2011 3:00 PM

Hello Dexterlily,
To be honest, the blogs are the only reason I have 'hung out' with RSVP so long :)

The sharing of experiences, the support and the mostly good humour and fun can pick you up when you've had one of 'those' more bruising encounters :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 29, 2011 1:28 PM

PS. "Could have put it better myself LLTD".

BTW I really meant "Couldn't have put it better myself LLTD"
Really should 'proof-read' a tad more often I think :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 29, 2011 11:45 AM

ladylikestodance at November 28, 2011 12:06 PM
"I have this mental picture of fishnets, stilettos, french apron, champers in hand, dutifully chopping, peeling, shredding...biting lip"
LLTD - who are you picturing dressed like that - yourself or Foodie ?
If you, then I'm enjoying that picture too! If it's Foodie, then EEEWWWWW - get me a bucket quickly.

" a mere morsel on the RSVP smorgasbord" - another gem in a later comment. LLTD you really are a wordsmith - keep it up please!

Posted by: exmelbourne at November 29, 2011 11:32 AM

Posted by: caressingwaves at November 28, 2011 5:26 PM

Some really good points there.
I do think everyone gets a bit nervous, we are all human - but to be honest I think the worst nerves are because we put too much pressure on ourselves and over-inflate the 'RSVP experience'.

No matter how well we think we have connected with someone - until we meet them we don't know if that will translate into 'real life'.
Aside from the fact we don't even know if the person even looks like we think they do - for all we know we could have been corresponding with their friend and not even them (ALA Roxanne the 1987 Steve Martin movie).

As I see it - if we meet someone we have been emailing or chatting to - we shouldn't be meeting with the idea that this person might be 'the one' but just treat it as you would meeting a new potential friend.
Even if you feel 'romantic potential' once you meet - it is still way too soon to decide if any 'potential' is going to end up as anything other than cheerful acquaintances.

Most people I have met through RSVP have been really nice people - some I am still in contact with - and some I am not.

I think by thinking this way and taking the pressure off any 'meets' you have by not 'romanticising' the meeting - makes it much more likely you will one day meet someone who might even (maybe surprisingly) turn out to be 'the one' for you :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 29, 2011 11:14 AM

Sparty,
Sorry I am not 'stalking' you *evil laugh* but I couldn't work out why i only had a 50% reply rate. I then realised that you sent me a reply and a kiss after I sent you the 'drop jaw' kiss.

So am just getting my reply rate back to 100% :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 29, 2011 10:51 AM

Hi bloggers

Reading the blogs is my most positive RSVP experience. I wish I had discovered them earlier.

I find myself agreeing with parts of what everyone has to say. It seems sad that the anonymity of an online site gives people (both men and women) licence to exercise poor manners. I am always impressed by politeness and random acts of kindness to strangers. Sadly, my kiss/email experience has fallen a little short of this standard.

I really do expect people my own age +/- 10 years to demonstrate common courtesy (ie reply to kisses/emails) and when they dont, I know that they are just not someone that I'd like to meet. Mind you, Perth population isnt huge so having such extraordinarily high standards :) :) (tongue in cheek there) must be why I'm blog reading rather than meet and greeting.

Posted by: dexterlily at November 29, 2011 9:59 AM

ladyldance Nov.28 totally agree with your thoughts, I am not a number, I am a good & genuine, sane & happy person. I do not expect everyone that meets me to think that I am Mr Wonderful, just like when I meet some one & they might be a great person, sometimes for whatever reason you don't really hit it off.
I had a 'first date' on the weekend, for some reason I was not really nervous. The meeting was a good & possibly even fun time for both of us & we will be staying in touch & meeting up again. Re profile content, some bloggers have asked about their profile, my idea is straight to the point & absolutely honest, some say brutally so, ie 'not into neurotic pets/ pet owners'. I thought that would scare off 60% of women on the planet. I thought someone who has a pet but does not consider themselves neurotic would not be offended. Right My weekend date is a dog lover (dog les at the moment) & on the weekend she was baby sitting friends 2 neurotic dogs. Hang in there, Mr or Mrs wonderful might be just one kiss away, but you must love cats. Have fun looking. Mal

Posted by: musicmal at November 29, 2011 9:38 AM

Posted by: ladylikestodance at November 28, 2011 8:03 PM

"I am a traditionalist, I am a lady, I like to be wooed. I'm impressed when a gent shows chivalry and respect; takes the initiative, shows me he is interested. This puts the whole experience within a context that gives me a sense of whom I dealing with. I will be IMPRESSED. I will be in a great frame of mind; I will reciprocate with being humourous, attentive and engaging.

Now, I answer all kisses & emails. I am courteous and think it is the least I can do. I walk my talk!
I do not have stamps, when I did send stamps, I found some gents to be non responsive. However, I am not a taxing opportunist"

Could have put it better myself LLTD. Yes I too answer all kisses and emails.
I have been lucky I guess - the couple of unsolicited emails I have received were from nice guys who I emailed back for a few weeks but didn't end up meeting.
Simply because we didn't seem to have any kind of connection e.g. share the same kind of humour.

As a single mother who has been working full-time 'serial dating' is not for me - it takes away from the time I need to do the things I enjoy.
To be honest I'd much rather go out to a show or movie with a friend than spend my spare time meeting some guy with whom I share absolutely no feeling of 'connection' - just because he's a guy :)

So if I would like to meet someone it is because I feel as if we could connect (of course it doesn't mean we will - first meets to me are simply meets not 'dates' ) I have no expectations except politeness, respect and a sharing of humour and honesty.

However, like you LLTD - I have found the men I have 'spent a stamp on' have tended to be far less responsive and respectful towards me than the guys who have spent a stamp to contact me.
Maybe it's the old-fashioned way many of the men in our generation think - that if a woman approaches you (unless she's 'hot' and 35 of course) she must be a tad desperate?

It is the guys I have approached who have sent me the crude emails or acted as if I am stalking them if I have suggested we meet - not the guys who thought I was nice enough to contact first.

So like you LLTD - I am not bothering anymore.
RSVP is certainly not my only interest or entertainment in life, although a few weeks of annual leave and post-op sick leave does and will mean I will have more time to blog for a while :)

My son is getting older and I can see a lot more opportunities in the future to get out and about a lot more which will enable me to meet more potential partners.
And if not - just have an enjoyable time.

Oh and Bloggers meets - I have been to a couple of these in my time here - and they are a lot of fun :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 29, 2011 9:30 AM

Caressingwaves & nous

yes its simplistic and no its not ok BUT IT HAPPENS... To everyone

Why get angry or feel sorry for yourself?
Yeah ok have a vent but why carry on and on about it when its only bringing negative vibrations into your space?

I have used many a stamp on men who have said yes they're interested. Same results.

I chose to email them
they chose to ignore it or hide their profiles or whatever.

Easy come easy go - part & parcel of online hit & miss. We WILL make efforts and spend money for nothing

I'm just keeping it real and simple. After all, you can't get that money back...

Perhaps we can chant this mantra

"I use this stamp of my own free will"

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 29, 2011 8:27 AM

Shanitza Hun, me like how you think!

We are looking at organising a get together - I'm in Sydney, so my fellow bloggers and/or lurkers will hopefully be keen to attend.

I'm sure there would be interest from others in your city. Post your request; you don't ask, you don't get!

Smile, it increases your face value.

Posted by: ladylikestodance at November 29, 2011 8:13 AM

Hi LLTD,

Thanks for your appreciation to my profile. Don't worry, I'm not freaked out at all... LOL... I always reply every kiss and email to me with respect and positive outlook. I also peeked to your profile and think that you have a great profile as well!

I wish we the bloggers here could get together and had a 'real' (not virtual) chat... It would be very interesting to learn from you all... Maybe we could be 'gossip-ing' the (im)possibility of matching LLTD with Foodie ?...LOL....sorry, just seriously kidding...!

Posted by: shanitza2011 at November 29, 2011 12:26 AM

Nous & Bert, don't give up .... it really is a numbers game, and an elimination game. A bad first date can dint the armour a little. Her loss really. Dust off, cause the next one, or the one after that may just be awesome (there are some of us out there). Yes, we all get stung by wasted stamps, I like the idea of reporting them. I take the elimination focus ...... all the dippers can show their colours on here first. I make an effort on the first date. I would much rather make that effort for someone worthwhile. If the first date doesn't work, then I have saved on what I would have invested in future dates, saved it for someone who is worthwhile. How do we find out when they are worthwhile - when each date is positive and we keep seeing them :-) I have been doing the online dating on and off for over 4 years. Maybe I should change my profile name to "forever persistent!!"

Posted by: moonlightsonata65 at November 28, 2011 10:07 PM

Posted by: bert22 at November 27, 2011 9:39 PM

Good grief Bert! Your life has been about as exciting as mine via RSVP :)
And I thought it was because I am a female over 50 and live outside the metro area!

I am not a person who can handle emailing more than one or two people at a time (like you AnA - my brain can't handle it - trying to remember who said what is just too hard! Kind of puts me into the CAM category I think! And Uniq, I certainly 'dip my hat' to you, young lady - you sure have some staying power!) - so I guess if it IS a numbers game as so many people say - we can expect to be here for another decade or two :)

Yes Magnet, Scammers.
Had a kiss recently from a very cute-looking man (he looked about 35 actually) only a few days ago. Forty-eight year old Post-graduate Canadian apparently.
Trouble was he was "leaving life" rather than "living it" - an unfortunate choice of words really :) - and there were various other discrepancies that didn't quite 'fit' with the post-graduate education level.

The female scammers are much the same I suspect.

There was one very good looking profile on here who even gave his 'address' in the location box - the address 'he' actually gave was the Arthritis Foundation in Richmond Road :)
I wonder how many women showed up looking for him?

Amazingly it took several days for RSVP to remove 'his' profile from the site (I wasn't aware of the reporting bit Mags otherwise I would have done something myself) which when you consider RSVP states they need to check all profiles first - kind of makes you wonder how such a thing could even happen.

I suspect some young people after a boozy night - probably thought it was amusing to make fun of us 'oldies' - it did make me wonder how many other women this gorgeous-looking 'man' kissed and how many women actually fell for it.

I think if she/he appears too good to be true - she/he usually is :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 28, 2011 8:33 PM

Uniquie
What you think it�s OK to reply to a kiss saying you interested then ignore the email they send? Personally I think that is bad form but hey if that�s the sort of person they are then probably best they did not waste any more of my time.

The cost of the stamps is not the only issue, it�s also the fact that you have take the time & effort which could have covered the cost of some nice red wine & time to enjoy it.

Posted by: nous at November 28, 2011 8:07 PM

Scorpio, this debate about who buys the stamps/matter of principle issue etc., everyone has a different take on it. Time and experience on the RSVP will also shape your perception.

I realise this is numbers game, but I refuse to treat a meet or be treated as just a number. Akin to a femme/gent on an assembly line, a mere morsel on the RSVP smorgasbord.
Are we to reduce this to a 3min. 3D clinical litmus eyeball test? Oh wait, isn't that called "Speed dating"?

Where is our kindness and generosity; well it's in the profiles, at least!
I am a traditionalist, I am a lady, I like to be wooed. I'm impressed when a gent shows chivalry and respect; takes the initiative, shows me he is interested. This puts the whole experience within a context that gives me a sense of whom I dealing with. I will be IMPRESSED. I will be in a great frame of mind; I will reciprocate with being humourous, attentive and engaging.

Now, I answer all kisses & emails. I am courteous and think it is the least I can do. I walk my talk!
I do not have stamps, when I did send stamps, I found some gents to be non responsive. However, I am not a taxing opportunist, I will shout drinks/nibblies/etc so that the experience is mutually pleasant. Some gents allow it, some won't hear of it.

But ponder this, the person you are about to meet, could potentially bring you such bliss, you never imagined possible. Wouldn't you want to start on the right foot, to something so precious? And even if there was no connection, you have gained insight into another and hopefully enjoyed the exchange. There are ladies who will agree and who will not. Each to their own.

Now Scorpio, mind that tail, as this swilly hot pink fishy makes some waves...

Posted by: ladylikestodance at November 28, 2011 8:03 PM

Hi, Folks.
Re the kisses and e-mails issue, I have gotten to the point where I will still answer EVERY kiss or e-mail. If I don't see/feel any connection with a 'kisser', I will simply send a stock 'not interested' reply. If their first contact is an e-mail, I will reply to it appropriately. If I am interested and they have a photo or photos, I will e-mail them. If they have kissed and don't have a visible photo, I will use a kiss reply requesting one. If they have e-mailed me and don't have a visible photo, they get a request for a photo.

Just my 0.02.

BTW, I have today received a BRIEF e-mail from the lady I mentioned earlier who had not responded promising me a longer response around mid-week. I will wait but I WON'T be holding my breath.

Y'all hava wunnafull day.
Bes' wishuz.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at November 28, 2011 7:53 PM

lilmisssmileyface at November 27, 2011 11:43 PM
What a pity there isn't a "Like" button at the bottom of each post. I could have just "liked" that post.......
Well said lilmisssmileyface :)
Sparty (52)

Posted by: spartacus2011 at November 28, 2011 7:28 PM

Posted by: ladylikestodance at November 28, 2011 3:31 PM ...ha, ha, ha I was sitting there watching the end of Ice Age movie on Saturday night (that's embarassing ha, ha) and that came on and it hit me when the ice starting melting (I laughed, the neighbours must know by now that I'm crazy) and he's trying to get to the acorn and just as the ice melts....it's gaawwwnnn...damn!

Now where were we, First Date Nerves...yep, I get them a little.

CAM xxx
PS: Re the crazy bit...I don't like nor have cats yet!! Got the hair though ha, ha!

Posted by: margie284 at November 28, 2011 7:24 PM

It is all very easy for people to say we are adults and that we should be comfortable with ourselves, this is a very simplistic view and for some people, life's experiences can affect the way we interact with others, in all levels of life.
Until I began to travel, I was very shy (so I can understand where Bert22 is coming from) and while travel, marriage, children, dating has helped me to come out of my shell, I still get nervous (to varying degrees) when I meet a lady through a dating site.
The reality is that when we interract with people on the computer, it is words on a screen, for those people who may be quieter, it allows them annonimity, they have time to think about what they are writing, can think of funny things to say, etc. This is not to say they lie, they just feel more relaxed.
When it comes to meeting someone for the first time, there could be any number of reasons to be nervous, fear of rejection being a main one, fear of saying the wrong thing could be another, fear of what to say to the person if you feel that a second meeting is out of the question. It could be fear (as someone mentioned previously) of not recognising the person and of having to either asking them to put on their sunglasses, or cover half their face or stand back 50 metres or to find the fountain of youth so we can recognise them.
We are born into this world seeking acceptance from our parents, our classmates, our workmates, our partners, people we meet in general. In all these cases, negative feedback hits us hard. Now we can choose to be bitter about it and look on each further encounter with suspicion or with an eye to taking our frustrations out on someone else or we can feel nervous about receiving negative feedback.
I am not an expert on this, as I said, I get nervous but one thing that has helped in the past is to smile, it can not only help you but also help to put the other person at ease as well. Sometimes, we know after our first meeting if there is a further meeting on the cards but in most cases, it takes more than one meeting to even begin to know someone.
Bert22, I know where you are coming from, man. It took a long time for me to get where I am today (hmm alone and dateless,) well you know what I mean. Do YOU feel introverted or is it because you don't live up to the expectations of others? You don't have to answer this on here but ask yourself, if it is YOU that feels introverted, why is that so? If you are like me, you are a good listener, use that skill to your advantage and questions to a lady will flow. Think of all your positive attributes (we ALL have them, we just need to recognise them) and use them, if you feel down, think about these positive attributes. You may not like pubs or clubs but you may have interests like photography, etc, use these in your conversation. Previous bloggers have raised valid points, one there are women out there who are private or on the flip side, maybe opposites do attract. My late wife and were an example of that, she was the extrovert, I was the quieter supporting type. Hang in there Bert!!!

Posted by: caressingwaves at November 28, 2011 5:26 PM

Miss Dragon8
There are a lot of women who send the first kiss but will not reply with an email after you give them a positive response.
I think that no matter who you are if you send the first kiss then you should be prepared to send the first email to show that you are genuinely interested,as you said it is the principle of the matter.
Scorpio 2009

Posted by: scorpio2009 at November 28, 2011 3:31 PM

Ms Magnet - high five to you.
Amber - yes, the colourful personalities doth make interesting reading, indeed.
Margie, can I have a copy of that manual? heheh
Although I have to say, I have learned a lot through the blogs, so many generous souls willing to share their experiences and wisdom. Just requires an open mind....and I'm like a kid in a candy store...

Loved the scrat analogy.

Posted by: ladylikestodance at November 28, 2011 3:31 PM

Here is the solution to the stamp issue

If you choose to use a stamp, don't complain about it!!! (even if they person says they're interested after you initiate contact)

If someone says they'll buy you coffee if you email them, and you dont want to do that, don't complain about it!!!

Whats the point in complaining and where does it get ya???

Go for a run or scream into your pillow - that'll do you better than whinging

Hahaha

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 28, 2011 2:36 PM

The lack of common courtesy has struck me too. There seems to be a bit of a trend where someone will send a kiss expressing interest and when you reply that you would be interested, they ask you to be the one who pays ie. send them an email! If I initiate contact with a kiss, expressing interest, I'm fully prepared to spend the stamp to follow through if they are interested. Some men flatly declare that they don't have stamps and expect an email for first contact! While spending a stamp is cheaper than going to bars etc. it's the principle of the matter!

Posted by: missdragon8 at November 28, 2011 1:38 PM

Unique, Fine food prepared from scratch with the freshest ingredients is indeed seductively delightful... Like foodies brain

I have this mental picture of fishnets, stilettos, french apron, champers in hand, dutifully chopping, peeling, shredding...biting lip

Posted by: ladylikestodance at November 28, 2011 12:06 PM

Gippygirl2,
There is an telephone option to purchase 2 RSVP stamps.
Its exxy, I think about $35.00/one month validity, but maybe your solution.
Go to "Buy Stamps" then "Continue" you will see a "Premium 1900 Number"link on the bottom right hand side of that page. It is billed to your landline number.

Happy hunting Hun...

Posted by: ladylikestodance at November 28, 2011 11:59 AM

I would love to meet foodie

His profile turns me on. Makes absolute sense to me but then I often read into things

However, I suspect that he doesn't respond to anyone outside his specs ESP location lol

Makes sense though doesn't it

Fine food prepared from scratch with the freshest ingredients is indeed seductively delightful... Like foodies brain

Haha

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 28, 2011 10:56 AM

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 27, 2011 9:36 PM ...unfortunately I think that perhaps some went with second best because they didn't believe they actually deserve 'the best'. I know differently now and I think that happens as you get older which again is unfortunate but we all learn our lessons and gain knowledge about ourselves, in our own time. Why aren't we born with a manual hanging off the umbilical cord!!!! Damn!

CAM xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 28, 2011 10:26 AM

Shanitza, I had a peek at your profile and was about to send you a cheerio with "great profile" kiss, but hit the enter key to quick and sent the wrong option - please don't be freaked. All the best and welcome to the blogs!

Cheers

Posted by: ladylikestodance at November 28, 2011 10:26 AM

LLTD

I'm just teasing foodie lol and he is probably lauding his head off haha. His lack of direct response to anyone here indicates an agenda dissimilar to most of those "looking"

I disagree - I think he would appreciate those qualities in you

Truth is no one really knows what foodie would appreciate but I read him as a man of class that is perhaps too straightforward for some peoples liking

I wouldn't take his profile too seriously either lmaooooo

Cheers

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 28, 2011 9:45 AM

LLTD

I'm just teasing foodie lol and he is probably lauding his head off haha. His lack of direct response to anyone here indicates an agenda dissimilar to most of those "looking"

I disagree - I think he would appreciate those qualities in you

Truth is no one really knows what foodie would appreciate but I read him as a man of class that is perhaps too straightforward for some peoples liking

I wouldn't take his profile too seriously either lmaooooo

Cheers

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 28, 2011 9:43 AM

I think our 'Unique one' is doing some mischievous 'stirring' LLTD :)

She has also attested she loves Foodie - as in "I think I love you ;-)" on Nov 27 and somehow well - I just can't 'picture' that :)

You are an 'evil' woman Uniq :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 28, 2011 9:14 AM

To all that mention the non return of emails....If you look at the bottom of the guilty party's profile you will see a "Report user button" It will go into options to report problems, one of them being that the user did not reply to your email. If you report the person they get a reminder [I think, as I have never not done that] from RSVP to reply. If they then don't and you inform the powers above, you may get your stamp back??? Hope this helps. I have 2 out there in cyber space waiting for answers so let's see if I get to the need of using that button, hmmm. It also covers reporting scammers etc.
Agree with LLTD, Foodie is not for her.
Lilmisss, me too, an interview, yuk.
Magnet

Posted by: msmagnet11 at November 28, 2011 9:12 AM

Hi Amber,

I used the 1900 number about 5 months ago to buy 2 stamps. Unfortunately that option seems to have disappeared and the minimum is 6 - unless you know the number and it is still an option?

Posted by: gippygirl75 at November 28, 2011 8:38 AM

Why is it that some people STILL rock up to a meet with the thought that it might be the start of a new relationship? Or that the other person might not like them?

It's no wonder they're nervous haha

Is it possible to meet someone just to say hello, have a coffee, chat, laugh, put a name & a pic to a person in real time?

Well yeah ok we're all checkin each other out and the possibility of a future bonk is always there if mutual attraction exists..

But relationship???

It's a first meet!!!

Bottom line is if you're not comfortable with yourself, you're more likely to think that no one else will be either so...

Are you comfortable with yourself - what you look like & how you FEEL about getting out there and meeting people???

If you're not, GET COMFORTABLE!!!
We're not teenagers any more for crying out loud! Wear what makes you feel comfortable! Be yourself! Have a glass of wine before the date arrives. Take a chill pill lol..

We're most of us parents & grandparents
We have A LOT of beautiful experience & wisdom - a lot of love to give & share... Blah blah no matter how many times we get an unfavourable outcome lol so get out there with a BRING IT ON attitude.

YOU... are in charge of your nerves - not the other way around

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 28, 2011 8:17 AM

Nous - i had the same problem - alos had one whose profile had 49 but she was really 63 - found out on the phone while organising first meet/greet, she couldnt understand why i decided not to go ahead with it.

I just reckon if they dont get it (being honest) why should i bother enlightening them, i just have the coffee, chat for about 1'2 to 1 hour then politely say goodbye, send them an email telling them i dont think it will work out.

I they think they tricked me, i can live with it.

Good luck next time, it a numbers game, something like following the horses i think. The ones i back are still coming

cheers
dave

Posted by: daveshere at November 28, 2011 7:44 AM

Hi, I agree with bert22 i`m also over it. If you are not really interested, dont waste somebody`s time by saying you are and then ignoring them. I find that common courtesy does not seem to exist, perhaps i`m a bit old school on that one????

Posted by: itsallgood59 at November 28, 2011 7:26 AM

This narcissist crap is depressing...

I dated one - long & short of it is I knocked him back a few pegs by telling it to him in my usual blunt fashion... Luckily for me, I was strong, AND aware of what makes sense - what should, & shouldn't be happening (when love is supposedly in the air)...

His own family (incl children) want nothing to do with him... First hand info from his daughter telling me some of the horrific things he used to do. She made it sound like he had no heart... I watched him "suffer" and used to wonder how on earth it got to that yadda yadda... Won't carry on it's too long & unbelievable lol... I soon learned!!! (after 18 months of hell hanging on & hoping)...

Hahahaha

That's what ya get for being TOO DAMN NICE & CARING!!!

The experience with him was one helluva rollercoaster that I am grateful for. Helps me to recognize the cons without being fearful or aggro. I see the BEHAVIOUR and I smile knowing that it will never affect me again

What a wonderful world :-)

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 28, 2011 7:02 AM

Can you just hurry up and email LLTD then?

Unique, I challenge your matchmaking skills, Hun. Whatever gave you the impression that Foodie and I would be compatible, pray tell?

I doubt that Foodie would appreciate my spiritedness, traditional sensibilities nor penchant for sexual polarity.

What impresses me is a gents willingness to be flexible and accommodating with mode of communication/pace/ venue/time. Indeed, shows his interest and respect. This will evoke the best reciprocal response from moi.

Posted by: ladylikestodance at November 28, 2011 3:14 AM

Thanks for all the encouragements about my English.

Once I read somewhere in this blog that a lady was told by a gentleman that she used 'too corporate' English in her profile. So I realise that I might look 'too serious' as well if I use formal English, but unfortunately, this is what I can do.

In the first meeting, maybe I was not nervous, but I might look too serious as well because of this language constrain. I have good sense of humour, indeed, I love jokes and I like to laugh, but I have to admit the most difficult part in learning second language is understanding the jokes! Even in my country, if I go to different province with different language and different culture, it's still difficult to see what's funny in their jokes - vice versa.

@burntabit, I came from your neighbour - Indonesia. There are some negative political issues in the media about us, but believe me, we are actually very friendly people! (me, for example....LOL)

Posted by: shanitza2011 at November 28, 2011 12:04 AM

It's been awesome reading these posts! Must admit, if my first meet was with someone conducting an interview i would probably look at them perplext for the first 10 seconds and then just blurt out 'are you for real?????' before running away as fast as I can....
I've made the mistake of buying stamps to email a guy who replied positively to a kiss I sent.... He never replied to my email, so there it goes, guys do it too. So now I have a strict policy of no stamps.
Getting back to what seemed to be the original topic, take it easy, the first time you meet someone is not when you have to decide if you're going to spend the rest of your life with them. Keep the conversation light, no need to get into nitty gritty details about your whole life, if you end up dating there'll be plenty of time for that, but be yourself truly always. Also, you don't know them, so if there's nothing there just be honest about it.
Hope you all have fun first meets!

Posted by: lilmisssmileyface at November 27, 2011 11:43 PM

Hello Bert...what amber says is true..don't give up but I am not sure a quiet woman would be the one for you..Sometimes opposites attract and the one with the more outgoing personality brings the quiet one out a little therefore in the long run it balances. That was how it was with me and my husband..He was the extrovert and I was the introverted one but I loved that about him and was able to rein him back in when he went over the top lol. He always encouraged me and helped me to grow being he was so much older than I was but at the same time he also kind of moulded me into the person I am today.....encouraged me to speak my piece and share my feelings..smiles..As it turned out although he was the extrovert and I the introvert, I became the positive one and was able to help him through his negative days...of which there were many towards the end and I am glad about that...that I was able to help him I mean...

Sweetmix (63).

Posted by: sweetmixture at November 27, 2011 9:47 PM

Thanks for the words of encouragement "amberlilghtrose". I'm not going to give up. I've been on here for 4 years now and I've had 4 first dates/meetings. so i figure patience and a positive outlook is very important as well.

Posted by: bert22 at November 27, 2011 9:39 PM

Yep many of us are STILL on this site, Nous.
Finding someone you are really looking for can take a very long time :)
But then it's such a very important part of our lives and I guarantee most of us are here because we were previously with partners that weren't 'right' for us.
And maybe we were with them because we didn't look around well enough or for long enough?

Yes there are certainly some rude people here - believe me it happens to all of us at sometime or other -so don't feel alone :)
We are all supposed to be grown ups - so the least someone can do is apologise if they have changed their mind between the positive response and the arrival of the email.
Even if the email is somewhat disappointing it costs the recipient nothing but a short amount of time to say sorry.

On the stamps - you can buy two at a time if you use the 1900 number and put the charge onto your mobile phone bill. I have done this.
The stamps are dearer - around $17 each - but then you save the cost of extra stamps which if you are like me - a little reticent when it comes to contacting people - expire long before I ever use six :)

It is surprising that so many people are scared of showing themselves as they really are.
Maybe they find it embarrassing?
I don't know but it certainly does put other people off - and could perhaps cost someone a potential future relationship as the people they meet wonder why they decided to lie in the first place.

At least you were polite - but I imagine that the lady concerned could probably see your disappointment - which could have been why she gave you the 'out' clause :)

It is funny how people perceive things.
The first man I ever met via a dating site (I don't see the first meet as a 'date') - was exactly as he said he was.
He looked as he did in his photo - was around the height he said he was (he might have cribbed and inch or so - but then being short myself I have no problems with shorter men - there are much worse things a man can be!) but at the end of the meet when we sort of agreed that we didn't think we would gel - he told me he was certain it was becuase I was disappointed he was so short!
I felt it was becuase I perceived he was so obviously not 'ready' for a new relationship at that time - but he preferred to think it was because he was short :)

Oh well I hope he is completely over this previous relationship now - and has found someone nice.

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 27, 2011 9:36 PM

thanks for the encouragement "amberlightrose". i know it's a numbers game and I'm sticking with it. I've been on here for about 4 years now and have had about 4 first dates/meetings. i think patience is a strong virtue to have as well as an optimistic outlook.

Posted by: bert22 at November 27, 2011 9:13 PM

Hi, Margie248.
You are most welcome, Lady. I have had several encounters with them since that one who pursued my computer tech's wife and am currently sharing a rented house with one - but only until the next time he defaults on his rent. When that happens - not 'if' - he is gone. And I don't care if it during Christmas.

One of the hardest things to get past with these people is they have a gift for making things sound plausible, even though they are lying through their teeth.

Hi, Nous.
Even worse are the ones who send a kiss, to which you reply with an e-mail and then hear no more from them. I suspect that I have encountered wunna them in the last couple of days. I KNOW she has read the e-mail and that she has been on-line since then but still no e-mail reply, even though it would cost her nothing but time.

I wonder if it ever occurs to these people, male or female, that by not replying, they are telling us things about themselves that are NOT in their profile and that they would probably rather we did not learn about.

One of the biggest jokes about this sort of thing is the number of these people who 'DEMAND' honesty in a partner. Apparently, that is a one-way street as far as they are concerned.

Just my 0.02. (I've got a STACK of cents, nickels, dimes and quarters left over from my last trip to the U.S..)

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at November 27, 2011 9:08 PM

Hi Bert,
It is hard if you are a shyer person. But hang in there because there are quieter people on RSVP and someone will appreciate that you know,
Sometimes a more private person is much more sincere than the 'charming life of the party' type guy who 'charms the socks off' unsuspecting women and then skips onto the sunset with the next one he had already lined up :)

So don't give up. At least you live in area with a decent-sized population - so there have to be loads of quiet single women :)

People do say it IS a numbers game!

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 27, 2011 9:00 PM

Hey Nous, that happens to me all the time. i send a kiss and when i do get a response asking me to send an email. i buy stamps, send the email and get no reply.

Posted by: bert22 at November 27, 2011 8:51 PM

I always go to the first meet/date with a no expectation attitude, no matter how well you have hit it off with emails & phone chats it’s meeting face to face that will tell if either an other date is on the cards.

While I have meet some girls that although we got on but didn’t take things further some where very disappointing I will always take the time to chat.

One particular girl turned up, not only did she not look like her photos but has a serious weight problem, I appreciate that body type average is a bit of a range but this girl would have understated if described as a few extra pound.

I did the polite thing and had lunch & a chat the whole time thinking how would I tell her I was not interested without stating the obvious why. Any way next day she call but I did not answer the phone as I was still unsure how to deal with speaking to her. She rang a couple of time more a short time latter & eventually I called back as I felt it was best to deal with it ASAP. Fortunately she got in first & said that she was not really interested, much to my relief.

I kind of felt sorry for her but she was not doing herself any favors by hiding her weight problem. Unfortunately too many people are not all that honest in there profiles which ultimately will lead to disappointment to both parties should the decide to meet.

Posted by: nous at November 27, 2011 8:32 PM

Getsmarty, but you don't think she may have had something else lined up??? All of that just sounds weird to me.

Sorry that it didn't turn out a better night. Hey, you could have come to my house and watched 'Ice Age' 1!!!! Guaranteed more fun....get your minds out of the gutter people ha, ha, ha!

CAM xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 27, 2011 8:02 PM

I have wasted many a stamp on women how have given me a positive reply to a kiss then no go a single reply even after sending a plight email to ask for a reply even if it’s just to say they have meet some one else or what ever. Strangely these women are still on this sight months latter.

More recently I got a kiss asking for access to my photos to which I gave a positive reply, I then get another kiss saying if I sent the first email she would by the first coffee. If I had stamps I would have gladly done so without expecting her to pay for the first coffee (I always insist on paying) but having wasted some may stamps in the past I was not about to buy a book of stamps. If RSVP allowed us to by one stamp at a time I probably would have.

I have met some women on RSVP but more recently the reply rate has dropped to all time lows. Just about give up here.

Posted by: nous at November 27, 2011 7:42 PM

"The real 'dedicated' narcissist also does not credit anybody else with having feelings or emotions. Other people are merely 'cardboard cut-outs' on the stage of the narcissist's life who are supposed to perform according to the narcissist's script.
Such people are often also VERY good at using others while appearing to be a benefactor. They seldom truly have the interests of others at heart."
"..because narcissists are pretty dangerous people to the extent that they don't care who gets hurt so long as it is not their own immense but fragile ego."

All of this information should ring alarms bells and I wish I had this information about 7yrs ago. Thank you Peaceful.

CAM xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 27, 2011 7:30 PM

G'day All,
Reporting back as requested after last nights date.
Gotta say, could have been better. Firstly, she didn't look like her photos (I'm sure we've all had that once before), but she was constantly running off to get cash, check her car ticket, bathroom. Then said quite early and unexpectedly "I promised myself an early night" and off she went, not in a rude way or anything. Sadly, can't say I enjoyed the night.
Will I see her again? Not sure - I'm going to sleep on that one.
Suppose its time to dust off and unhide the profile again.

Posted by: getsmarty at November 27, 2011 7:21 PM

Posted by: shanitza2011 at November 27, 2011 11:55 AM

Firstly, your command of english is great. If I could manage a second language to that level of proficiency I'd be incredibly proud of myself.

In terms of using 'mind & logic' versus the heart, it isn't an either or situation it should be both. We all do it all the time, particularly in obvious areas such as smoker vs non smoker so there is no reason why we shouldn't extend it to other areas such as financial responsibility.

I agree with the comments that Foodie makes about this, although I differ in the way he puts it and his failure to recognise that profligacy and accumulation of assets aren't gender specific. It is a legal reality that from the start of a defacto or closer relationship, the splitting of assets is on the table. If one partner has spent half a lifetime acquiring and the other hasn't there is a significant issue. For us older folk getting close to retirement this can be a pretty big deal.

One of the great benefits of online dating is that it does allow us to work through a whole range of compatability areas. It would less than efficient for us to ignore them. Once we have short listed people who match what we are looking for let the heart run free.

AnA

Posted by: ananachronism at November 27, 2011 7:17 PM

Hey Shanitza

Thanks. We're all adults here. I'd like to think that more of us can share openly. Too many people hold back when their experiences could help someone blah blah blah... I have nothing to lose & nothing to gain by sharing. No names are mentioned

But how did we get onto narcissism? Was it foodies post? LOL

Ok cool it's great to share so others can relate & learn. Been there done that too

Thats a type you wanna run far away at the speed of light from. Gives me a headache thinking about it

So who gets nervous AFTER the first meet (will they ring, did they like you etc)

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 27, 2011 6:00 PM

Shanitza,

Your ability to use English is very good; it is better, in fact, that many who are locally born and schooled in English only.

I very much agree with your view that the matter of meeting for the first time is not a job interview. If this happened to me (I am male), I would be out of there very quickly.

BTW where did you come from?

Burntabit

Posted by: burntabit at November 27, 2011 5:55 PM

Hi everyone,

It's been great to read all the positive, and negative comments about first dates. I agree that being your self is the most important thing. And those of you out there who are like me (an introvert) this is easier said than done. As a large proportion of ladies on this site are not interested in introverts, the first dates are very few and far between. I've always feared that if i was too much like myself, i wouldn't say anything as I'd be too shy on the first date/meeting. And as stated very few are interested in "private" personality types you begin to question whether you should list that or put "regular" as one's personality type; but then you're not being honest with others or yourself. You so desperately (for want of a better word) want to meet new people and possibly a relationship, but the fear of that first meeting chains you to the secluded life you've become so accustomed to.

Posted by: bert22 at November 27, 2011 5:23 PM

Hi, Tinkerbelle57.
Ye gods and little fish hooks! You ARE one demanding woman. Do ALL of these qualities which you seek in a partner have to be in the same man or are you planning on spending the rest of your life moving between them as the need or occasion arises? LOL.

Hi, Shanitza2011.
Thank you for pointing out a couple of the NPD characteristcs that I had missed. You are right. They do not have a true personality of their own. They 'borrow' from the personalities of others whom they have met who seem to be successful at certain aspects of life and living and display those 'part-personas' as and when they think it appropriate.

They are usually very adept at switching pretty seamlessly from one to another or at integrating several part-personas into what appears to be one personality to suit the occasion.

They also seldom display any emotion, mostly 'cos they don't have any. Logical/rational is about as far as they have managed to develop.

Shanitza2011, don't concern yourself too much about your English language skills. I got your message pretty clearly and I'm only a dumb male.

You all have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at November 27, 2011 4:34 PM

Hey Peaceful60,

Having been bitten by a narcissist in the past, your words ring so true. The problem is, they are so hard to recognise until you are so enmeshed in their lives that it's very hard to get out unscathed.

BW

Posted by: barbaraw at November 27, 2011 4:30 PM

I'm now the opposite...

NO NERVES

Hahaha

In fact I cross my fingers for them not to be boring... Gosh I can just imagine a few first meets with some of the guys here!!! So far, Stephen54 sounds like the most DTE REAL person - not all PC, disagreeable, argumentative, unafraid, open, funny... We'd have a great debate about nothing and laugh over same I reckon. Too bad you're in SA

Daveshere is pretty cool but he's in Melbourne and looking for someone slim lol

Spartacus you spunk! Looking goodfor 52

Amber, Tink, Remi, and LLTD I'd love to meet you funky ladies. Do any of you go to the functions?

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 27, 2011 4:02 PM

Now let's not be too hard on Foodie here because everything in his comment of Nov 27 @ 4:45am gels with all his previous comments from last financial year. There is however some underlying...something (what word am I looking for) that your ideal women must be totally and absolutely self-sufficient, not annoy you with having to actually acknowledge her existence until you want to bonk her and then you'll organise all that anyway with the sexy lingerie?

So, we get the message...you aren't here to look for love, okay. That is really sad because it makes me wonder what happen to cause you to be this way. Who was it said get out of the road, there's a stampede!!! They're headed away from Foodie!

BTW Foodie, just because society is rife with narcissism doesn't mean we have to buy into. We all have minds of our own and the choice to go there or not.

CAM xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 27, 2011 1:28 PM

Foodie is my hero

Hahaha

Cluey dude who cares nothing for the judgement of others. Gawd the way you were waffling on there Foodie I thought you were a woman!!!

I want to behold your face

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 27, 2011 12:49 PM

Hi, Foodie.
I trust that I never get to be as cynical as you sound in your post below.

Some notes on narcissists:

Narcissists may not be particularly 'nice' people but many of them are highly intelligent and extremely observant. This only makes them all the more dangerous. They also have scant regard for the truth and FREQUENTLY tell it the way they would like it to be rather than the way it IS. They are often quite opinionated too but that does mean that their opinions necessarily have much truth to them either.

The real 'dedicated' narcissist also does not credit anybody else with having feelings or emotions. Other people are merely 'cardboard cut-outs' on the stage of the narcissist's life who are supposed to perform according to the narcissist's script.

Such people are often also VERY good at using others while appearing to be a benefactor. They seldom truly have the interests of others at heart.

I post these comments because narcissists are pretty dangerous people to the extent that they don't care who gets hurt so long as it is not their own immense but fragile ego. The wife of my computer tech had a 3-year running battle with one who pursued her relentlessly, even knowing that she was happily married.

Hope you don't tangle with any.

You all have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at November 27, 2011 12:37 PM

I enjoy reading the comments in this blog and I got many things to learn, as a newcomer to this dating world.

I learn a lot from Ms. Amberlightrose, Ananachronism, Margie, Msmagnet, Caressingwave etc (sorry if I don't have enough memory and space here to mention all of you) and sometimes giggled alone to read lots of argumentations here.

Ms. Oounique, I hope I can learn from your experiences that you share to us here in the blog. Thanks for your openness.

Mr. Spartacus, you have a good profile, if you lived locally I would send you kisses. :)

Mr. Foodieaheart, you are very scientific but rather cynical. Sorry to say that apparently you play antagonist role here. I peeked to your profile and I'm afraid that you adore and spoil your gastro as the center of your universe or your pleasure, as an attempt to escape from a slim woman. (Maybe you experienced rejection from a slim one? LOL...).

Anyway, I respect the freedom of all of us to have our own opinion here and don't see a problem if someone worships a sensual slim Delila or to the "Kitchen Goddess" (some asian cultures have this belief) or any other taste.

But my question now is: is the dating world now so conditional, full of terms and conditions, only use our mind & logic and not listen to our heart? SO WHERE IS THE SINCERITY NOW? In my view, dating is different with hiring employee as for dating, there must be emotional aspect and not only rational, which should be played in a beautiful and natural way. And that's what we call "romance"! (Which you can't find in your employment or work-relationship)

If we select our date just like we hire an employee, so that's really how narcissism works. A true narcissist (NPD) actually doesn't have 'self', and contradict to it, doesn't have heart (seriously) so will only use all the rational and logical mind in a dating-relationship.

I apologise if I use wrong words or if I use too formal or corporate language, as this is the only English that I've been learning and using. I don't speak English at home and I started learning English just before I came to this wonderful country 7 yrs ago.

Posted by: shanitza2011 at November 27, 2011 11:55 AM

Posted by: foodieatheart at November 27, 2011 4:45 AM

hi foodie.. I understand exactly what you are saying and if someone has a considerable amount of wealth etc then I guess this style of coffee date may be the right way to go about it but if I met someone who "conducted" (and that word in itself says right away.."interview and business like" lol) a coffee date in the way you have suggested, then I would shie away from it instantly. This "style" you mention is very reminiscent of how a prospective date contacted me through an email and then wanted to "conduct" a meeting with me. The way he went about it and his attitude turned me right off from the start. His manner was cold and he did not come across as a warm person at all plus he had absolutely no sense of humour. I don't wish to meet someone like that and be interviewed. I want to feel comfortable and relaxed as much as I wish the person I am meeting to feel the same way. Not have them be guarded about everything going on in their lives. We are all different though and therefore must work these things out to suit ourselves in the best way possible according to our individual circumstances.

Regardless of how any of us set up our first meetings, one can usually determine intelligence and character from just a short amount of time spent together. Most of us are sensible enough to not mention any information in our emails which could be misused by someone untrustworthy.

Sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at November 27, 2011 11:32 AM

Foodie thank you for posting and I see your point (it also gave me a good laugh). One wonders how many positive replies one would receive if the headline read something like this "Fiscally responsible, emotionally mature, and reasonably attractive woman sought. Must be out of nappies and capable of holding some semblance of intelligent conversation." I am with you on this one Foodie - I also am seeking a fiscally responsible man who is emotionally mature, reasonably attractive - definitely out of nappies and can hold an intelligent conversation. I also require one who is fun to be with, and around, and who enjoys life. I also like a man to smell great, dress well and (this bit is very important) treat me well. There, now all the secrets are out... Lol.

Posted by: tinkerbelle57 at November 27, 2011 11:04 AM

Foodie

Can you just hurry up and email LLTD then?

Hehe ;-)

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 27, 2011 9:31 AM

Foodie: to each, their own I guess.

All the best.

CAM xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 27, 2011 9:05 AM

Posted by: foodieatheart at November 27, 2011 4:45 AM

Classic

AnA

Posted by: ananachronism at November 27, 2011 8:36 AM

Very 'clinical' Foodie - sounds like you are looking for an employee not a life partner :)
Or else your humour is so 'dry' it actually cracks!

So Foodie, while it seems you are looking for an emotionally stable and a 'competent' woman when it comes to life skills, the question begs to be asked - are you 'emotionally ready' to be the partner such a 'stable' and sensible woman is looking for?
Or to put it another way - are you 'emotionally available' for a relationship yourself?

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 27, 2011 8:09 AM

Foodie

Great profile! Simplicity
A man after my own heart lol
I think I love you ;-)

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 27, 2011 7:40 AM

We live in a society of first impressions to the point of narcissism. There are a lot of pretenders masquerading as benevolence. Pretenders rent expensive apartments and cars purely to bed attractive women. Pretenders usually possess enough cash liquidity for a few months and squander their weekly income on lifestyle. I encountered enough of them during the Perth boom years. When companies downsize, the pretender lifestyle implodes. The expensive apartments and cars are repossessed leaving the pretenders seeking a meal ticket.

Broke pretenders are now advertising on dating sites. If a person knows how to read dating body language, they can be easily spotted. There is always a seductive photo and lot of talk about dining out and travel. Ask yourself the question, why advertise for a dining out or travel partner when there are plenty of professionally managed associations catering for the discerning diner and traveller?

If I was dining out or travel inclined, the $500 per annum membership fee is on par with buying RSVP stamps. I suspect the true reason is not the membership fee but the dining out and travel costs. There is also the fact that seasoned life stylers develop an astute and intuitive awareness to impostors and the pretentious behaviour.

It is very easy to post an impressive profile on a dating site and advertise for a partner. Most of the people posting and prepared to respond are probably recently separated or divorced, lonely and naive to the dating game and can be easily seduced.

My approach is to reply to interesting prospects with a short message that I will meet them at a coffee shop. I do not engage in any cyber talk; that way a prospect does not know anything about me, besides the information posted to make an informed decision.

I am polite and conduct the meeting as if it is a job interview. I do not want to know if a woman is a romantic, good kisser, good in bed, or seeking her soul mate. I want to ascertain that she can manage money, can use rational logic and is emotionally stable to resolve the big issues of life. If a woman is competent dealing with real world issues then the bedroom issues are a matter of practice makes perfect.

I certainly have dated my share of attractive women whose only tangible asset was the bedroom performance, and emotionally ready women who cannot cope outside the bedroom. It may be every man's dream to have an attractive woman on tap; it is a handicap having to change her nappies.

Posted by: foodieatheart at November 27, 2011 4:45 AM

Does it mean your feeling nervous when you have clothes laying all over your bed? Gulp..That's how I get!...Try this on and then that...rolls my eyes!!

I like to make a late afternoon coffee date the first time as it only leaves a certain amount of time before the shops close..This way you only have a set time for the conversation to flow..if it doesn't flow, then won't be too long before the shops close and you will have a legitimate excuse to leave. If it is going well then coffee might lead on to a dinner date..smiles...

I like to get to the assigned meeting place early..walk around a bit then make my way back..hopefully spotting my date..taking a deep breath and tell myself "here goes"..best smile on..

A while back I met this guy..we were sitting there drinking our coffee and all was going well then his phone rang. I have the feeling he arranged to have someone ring his phone incase he needed to make a quick getaway lol I have heard that some do this. Anyway he said to his friend, "Oh, I am sitting here having coffee with a beautiful woman" Well..that put a feather in my cap haha..but I think he was letting his friend know everything was going ok.. lol!!

Sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at November 27, 2011 12:51 AM

Getsmarty

What's the goss? Hehe ;-)

Is it on or what???

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 27, 2011 12:45 AM

Bigman: glad you have only had positive first meets. I have had a few shockers - I guess that just makes the good ones even better :-)

Getsmarty: I hope your date goes well - after 2 years it can be daunting. Going in with a "I'll be myself" is the best way - cause I would think that is what the other person is looking for anyway :-) Report back to let all us bloggers know how it went :-)

Sparticus: I agree, first meets are supposed to be fun. Maybe a few little butterflies of anticipation are what people are reporting as stressful. That is a "good scary" ..... well for the good dates that is. :-)

Posted by: moonlightsonata65 at November 26, 2011 10:42 PM

Towhomitmayconcern

I automatically think "You're goneski's"

Then I have a great night and NEXT!!!

Hahaha

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 26, 2011 7:27 PM

Enjoy getsmarty. Thinking of you.

CAM xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 26, 2011 6:47 PM

I saw the topic and thought I had to read these comments. Funny how we all have advice and still get nervous. I've got my first "first date" in over 2 years tonight. I've got no idea what to expect, other than being myself, and hope it goes well for both of us. If something eventuates, fantastic. Otherwise, we can both say we enjoyed the night.

Posted by: getsmarty at November 26, 2011 2:52 PM

Dex

Make light of the potential for deep or serious discussion and change the subject

I've had that many times. They will tell me straight up they're attracted to, and would like to meet again but that's probably greatly due to conversations prior to meeting where I've stated "if people are interested, they should SAY SO"... (None of us are mind readers and it shouldn't be a guessing game). But I mean in meeting again - not being exclusive

I will always be upfront about continuing to meet & greet (can't get more light or straight up than that) because it's true. I don't know THEM. They don't know me. I don't say it to be arrogant or cocky. I'm single and it's true. I'm out there meeting & greeting - getting to KNOW people a little better each time I meet them

If a person states in their profile that they want to take it slow, get to know someone, & see where things go etc. then that is what they're going to get...

If I'm attracted to them, they'll get some hanky panky too. Hehe

So far, I've met only ONE man that I was physically attracted to lol... The nerves became excited when I spotted him hehe but then I've met that many that it's just become a walk in the park for me

Hahaha... That's what happens when you don't EXPECT anything :-)

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 26, 2011 2:44 PM

If your photo is years old then say so..Don't let me turn up thinking you have sent your father to fill in for you..ya know?
And why don't people put a more recent one anyway ?
Some men that I have met still have the same photo from when I first joined RSVP 10 years ago and the photo wasnt recent then !! It's embarrassing....

Posted by: towhomitmayconcern52 at November 26, 2011 2:02 PM

Some quite interesting comments here about first meetings. Maybe I've been lucky but none of mine have been in the 'get me outa here' bracket! Some of the ladies may disagree but that's my take on them. What I can't understand is why people are, as is mentioned here quite regularly, dishonest especially with their pics, age, body size, likes and dislikes etc. Do these people really expect their 'date' is going to accept their bullshit, look past it and discover a different person? I suppose the world is full of all types isn't it?

Posted by: thebigman9 at November 26, 2011 11:39 AM

First meets are fun and should not be stressful at all. By the time a first meet is arranged you should be fairly familiar with each other after having emailed/instant chatted and spoken on the phone. The meeting is just the next step in the evolution of the relationship. If there is no connection then it may well be the step towards a friendship but if there is that connection then it could be the lighting of a fire in the sole. Either are things to be valued and looked forward to.
For me, if I can, I choose a place where there are distractions, be it a band, a pool table, a fire place, a dance floor or a view to behold. Then, should there be an awkward moment of silence then there are the surroundings to provide a topic or activity to keep the convocation moving. Having said that I often have allowed the lady to choose the venue for the meet, familiar surroundings for her can help her feel more at ease I have found.
Spartacus (52)

Posted by: spartacus2011 at November 26, 2011 11:06 AM

Love the comments so far :-) Having too high expectations can lead to a fall from too high. All that being said, some expectations help. While coffee at maccas will save you if it doesn't work out - I don't see that as any sort of class/style. I'm not a snob, but by all means deserve more than McDonalds - I afford something a bit more classy if I initiate the first meet. Its all about standards. Sounds cliche, but I carry a book with me so the date can see me straight away. The book also gives them another view to me, and can even lead to conversation if we get to the awkward spot. And .... sometimes the conversation heads to dating stories - keep it light and humourous. We've all had previous dates, some bad, sometimes sharing a laugh can keep the whole thing light and breezy :-)

Posted by: moonlightsonata65 at November 26, 2011 10:18 AM

After a month or so of writing poetry, I finally met a gorgeous man at Zincs cafe Potts Point (I wrote a poem about it too lol)... I think he had a routine too peacefulsixty lol.. Maybe not...

After making the visual connection, he proceeded to show me a business catalogue (he owned 3) and I'm wondering ummm what man brings a catalogue to a first meet and starts talking about the products? LOL .. nerves l guess... I'm thinking hmmm interesting... We have coffee

Anyway... The waiter comes out and asks if we'd like anything else. He says no thank you... The dates done I think... Then he turns to me and says "We've got something much more special planned"... And I look at him and think oh gosh you're so getting the flick mate if you think we're getting it on!!!

Hahaha

Anyway... Cut a long story short. I have never had a man cook for me - and a candlelit dinner in a high rise penthouse apartment overlooking the harbour on a first date!!! OMG and then the 505 jazz club after... And then coffee in Newtown before dropping me home...

The first and last date lol... I dunno... Maybe it was because I don't drink and he offered me a glass of expensive Italian champagne and I said "tastes like soda water"???

Hahaha... No, it wasn't lol... I had initiated contact with him and sent him FIVE kisses expressing interest based on what he had written in his profile (he had a hidden pic). I guess he might've felt he owed me something for being genuine & diligent in my pursuit. His profile read as genuine & real to me...

*shrugs shoulders*

He said he wanted to make sure I REALLY WAS interested???

Moving right along... I text him and thanked him. Said I'd be interested in seeing him again. 3 days later no reply so I thanked him again and wishes him all the best before deleting his details. No contact in my books means no interest :-) Very simple with me. If you're interested, you make contact and express it!

This guy blew my nerves out of the water with amazing!!! An absolute gentleman in every way... Best first date ever... The ironic thing was... He was nervous lol... Pity he wasn't interested but that's life huh? He had his reasons I guess :-)

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 26, 2011 10:15 AM

I like the idea of first meeting being the "meet and greet" occasion. Meeting over a coffee means who pays is not a big deal. After half an hour if we have not managed to break the ice, the coffee has been consumed, saying goodbye seems to be a logical thing to do. Twice I was very tempted to walk away when I saw my date across the road, but never did. It takes people time and effort to get there, I feel obliged to spend half an hour of my time listening to them...

When I meet a person who looks at least 10 yrs older than his photos, my first thought would be dishonesty, not a good start for any kind of relationship. And if he doesn't bother making an effort to look presentable on the first date, well...

I don't feel nervous on the first date because I don't expect much from it. If we both enjoy the conversations (and he is happy to pay $3.50 for my coffee), then I would be looking forward to our second date

Posted by: lifeisanadventure1 at November 26, 2011 10:12 AM

Hi, Dexterlily.
How's Perth these days. I am a W.A. native - - - from a LONG time ago - and still have family over there.

May I suggest that if your 'meets' are in any way pressuring you to 'decide' and that makes you feel uncomfortable or 'pressured', then they are NOT the one(s) for you.

'Meet' is quite possibly a better word than 'date' for this sort of experience. In standard 'boy-meets-girl-boy-asks-girl-out-on-a-date' dating, the first meeting is already out of the way. With 'net dating, you have had communication prior to the first meeting but have not had that first 'check-the'chemistry' exposure to each other. I think it is that exposure that these first meets are all about.

Just my 0.02.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at November 26, 2011 9:33 AM

Whats the big deal - its a 50 - 50 thing.

She either likes you or not - it has to be both ways.

She profile is accurate or not - if not - "bugger thats another hour of my life i'll never get back" - but hey i've done that before.
cheers

Posted by: daveshere at November 26, 2011 6:48 AM

Hi, Folks.
For myself, if the lady I am meeting is a Gold Coast local, I have a particular spot where I like to take them before lunch or a coffee. It is a SENSORY experience (Please note, I did NOT say sensual. Try for a moment at least to keep your minds above your navels. LOL.) that takes about 20 to 30 minutes to complete and can be quite challenging to the perceptions. I have found it to be a good ice breaker. I DON'T tell them what they are getting into before the event. All I ever tell them is that it is a sensory experience. I've had no complaints - - - - - - yet.

Then, within metres of that same site, there are 3 restaurants and a couple of coffee shops. Very handy.

Works for me. And I sure do get to see what a lady is made of as she goes through the various parts of the sensory experience. (Where's yer mind now?)

You all have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at November 26, 2011 12:03 AM

I think point 1 is the most important. You have to dress like you want to be there, it's like going for a job you really want. If you don't impress within the first 2 minutes, generally your porbably not going to impress the potential partner on the first date.

Putting up a picture that isn't 5+ years old helps to. It kinda gets a bit unconfortable if the person you expected to meet actually is considerably different from pictures. But that's the fun of online dating!!!

Don't take it all too seriously on a first date date

Posted by: lovetheocean78 at November 25, 2011 11:30 PM

Hi bloggers. I been lurking and stalking bloggers for a while (yup - was me checking out your profiles).

I always see first meets as just that - meet and greets not dates. Somehow, however, despite phone chats and emails, I really feel my "dates" pressure to quickly decide if, for them, I am the one.

Obviously I have not been, or I wouldnt be blogging :)

I'm interested if others have had this response and what they may have done to keep the "meet and greet" light and casual.

Posted by: dexterlily at November 25, 2011 11:13 PM

Oh Unique, paper, scissors, rock? Pure brilliance lol I only started dating last year, after 10 years of being (semi) happily single. I am quite introverted at first and first dates were appallingly painful however, several first dates later, whilst I still get nerves, they are better than they used to be. The last first date I went on I was glad he spotted me first because there was NO WAY I would have recognised him from his decade old photo! lol great guy though and eventuated into some most enjoyable dates. I am learning to expect the unexpected! Tinkerbelle is right, dating should be fun, I forget that too often :)
But oh my! There are men who lurk? Now I'm getting all nervous again... haha

Posted by: eightofhearts16 at November 25, 2011 10:53 PM

Tink lol... You gotta get there early gf! And then set your surveillance perimeter up lol! I never had the heart to survey & reject lol... The one time I WAS going to walk straight past the guy (behind him) he turned around and yelled out "Leilani!!!"

Hahaha busted! He turned out to be a GREAT guy! I just didn't like that he was a rake lol...

I remember my first ever meet off 11yrs ago. He was a psychologist. I was soooo worried about whether he'd like what I looked like. He told me I was gorgeous and then appeared to become depressed... Hmmm it was nerve racking but weird. He could probably see how much of an insecure & naive greenie I was and wasn't going to get anything interesting out of it lol... Oh well! We live & learn haha

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 25, 2011 6:49 PM

First meets are fun... you never know what is going to happen or who you are really going to meet??? I used to be so nervous and scared but now it like unique says - be yourself and expect nothing (other than a good time). Easy... and it certainly helps with a few of emails and a couple of phone calls before hand.

I have met a couple of guys who like to "lurk" until the woman appears as they have had some "meets" where the woman bears little resemblance their photo. I am getting more comfortable with that scenario now but it was a little strange and daunting at first - especially when the guy said they were there and what type of car they drove and yet still I couldn't see them. Wow, I felt so weird walking around, looking while calling him...

Posted by: tinkerbelle57 at November 25, 2011 6:22 PM

Get there early. Have a glass of wine or 2
Loosen that brain & tongue up

Hahaha

Yep be yourself :-)

Be yourself EVERYWHERE!!! Here, on your profile, in the blogs, on the phone, via texts & email, etc... Don't pretend. Don't try and impress. If you have an opinion, state it. Disagree if you disagree. Go for a walk together. Conversation tends to flow more freely.

And about who's paying?

Scissors paper rock

Hahaha

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 25, 2011 5:41 PM

Yep the recognition thing has been hardest and most nerve wracking for me. Although you always check out the photo first you might be working off a head shot as you wait for the person to walk up to a cafe, I'm always hoping that they wave first.

Having a shaved head comes in handy for something lol

AnA

Posted by: ananachronism at November 25, 2011 3:58 PM

Well this is a good one to chat about. I like the point about finding somewhere comfortable to meet. There is nothing worse than feeling out of your league when you're in a place that is new to you also. The nerves about meeting is enough to drain you, and it may as well be a place you enjoy so the other person can see you at your happiest, that is, as long as they are going to be happy too.

My point in the previous blog though is relevant too i think. My only expectation is that i gain a new friend. That takes huge pressure off for me. If things go further then it is a lotto win.

I generally talk more too by email, chat or webcam for a while before meeting so it feels then when we meet it is like old friends finally catching up.

The final thing is not being late, I'd rather be early and have a walk around first to get an idea of what is about instead of rushing like a mad idiot and being full of adrenalin.

Posted by: wallstreet3 at November 25, 2011 2:42 PM

Posted by: peacefulsixty at November 25, 2011 1:38 PM ...1st paragraph...ha, ha, ha you got it honey!!! So important, for better or for worse...be yourself.

You must have a lot of 0.02 left over from the days when ha, ha. I took mine to the bank.

CAM xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 25, 2011 2:40 PM

Hi, Folks.
About the only thing that I would add to this list is to BE YOURSELF. This is especially important for men 'cos Man, some of them wimmen have built-in 'Phoney-dar'.

Also, there is always the chance that if the two of go a bit of 'distance' together, you may be challenged at some stage to actually BE the person whom you presented yourself as at that first date. IF this happens, it can turn into one of those "Oh, S*#t" moments.

Personally, if we are meeting for the first time somewhere public, I find that I am sometimes more concerned about recognising the 'right' person than about the date itself. For me, the date either works or it doesn't. C'est la vie. There is no point in stressing about it, before, during or after.

Just my 0.02.

You all have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at November 25, 2011 1:38 PM

The point made about realizing they are in the same boat can be helpful but it is often up to one more than the other to be the relaxed one as often one of you may have had "First Meets" more than the other. So establish this early on and it may give you an insight into why they seem nervous, or conversely very confidant. I seem to get more nervous with one I have not had a good long phone conversation with, as that often sets up common ground to discuss and it feels like it is more like meeting a friend than a stranger.
The dress to impress point is one a lot of men could keep in mind....lol
As has been mentioned by John and Bloggers alike "Do Not whinge or whine about past relationships" there is plenty of time for opening up later on. Your current "date" is interested in you, not "the others".
Sound a bit like Earth Mother again, sorry.
Magnet

Posted by: msmagnet11 at November 25, 2011 1:01 PM

I am terrified of not recognising a person from their photo and then placing myself in a position of embarrassing the other person by standing there with a WTF look on my face..
Other than that the easiest way around nerves is to put yourself in the other person's shoes. I think that men are under way more pressure than women and I would hate to be making anyone feel awkward.
I never call a first meeting a date, its a meeting to say hi face to face and because I talk about that aspect before we meet then I feel that takes the pressure off everyone.
I am ALWAYS myself so luckily I am fairly easy company.
I say save the nerves for the moment you both realise that there maybe something happening between you..

Posted by: towhomitmayconcern52 at November 25, 2011 11:48 AM

All said and done - the first meet IS rather like a 'blind date' isn't it?

Because until you actually MEET the person - you have no idea if they are anything like the person they say they are in their emails, profile info and profile photo - do you?

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 25, 2011 11:15 AM