RSVP Blog

Positive and negative are only relative values and ideals. One person�s positive is another person�s negative and vice versa.

Positive motivational psychology is only successful when used short term. ie sales and marketing, sport performance, etc. There is no scientific evidence that positive motivational psychology works for long term goals. There are too many variables involved and some of those variables are inconsistent to an individual�s personality and psyche.

There is one overriding issue with singles dating regardless of the age group. The type of partner a single may be seeking may not be at the venue they may be attending, or if they are at the venue they may not meet. Internet dating is the same, depending on the way a profile is written, the type of partner a person is seeking, the responses varies.

I found the best way to remain focused is to read articles relevant to the situation. Reading relationship psychologist�s articles and cross referencing the issues to a stable real world society and relationship values is a good starting point.

To prove an issue; a few years ago I wrote a spoof profile and posted it on a free dating site. That profile attracted more responses than my real profile. Scammers are highly intelligent business people. Scammers know their target market better than the single seeking a partner. Professional scammers cut and paste real profiles and use Facebook photos to target their prospect.

The relationship industry is a multi-billion dollar industry designed to sell the love of your life product. Therefore; just because a profile is well written and a seductive photo is posted, don�t automatically assume the profile is genuine and can deliver the product as advertised. My time is too valuable to engage in dating shenanigans. I will not engage in emails beyond the first contact. I make an appointment, meet in a secure public area and ask the hard questions. The body language soon differentiates a scammer from genuine.

For whatever reason, the majority of singles posting on dating sites have become unrealistic when choosing a partner. The soul mate issue has been discussed in other RSVP blogs. It is worthwhile reading the responses in the following story in the context of staying focused. The comments are interesting because they are from people who don�t use dating sites and the opinions are varied. Other news sites and main stream newspapers have published articles relating to the research.

Google by the title there is a direct link to the Slashdot story.

Study: Online Dating Makes People "Picky" and "Unrealistic"

Posted on Slashdot Wednesday February 8 2012.

Slashdot, is a technology news for nerds site, with summaries of stories and links to news articles submitted by Slashdot readers. Each story becomes the topic of a threaded discussion among users. The above story contains 630 responses on the subject of picky soul mate seekers.

Summary:

"A newly published meta-analysis of over 400 studies of online dating shows both its popularity (second only to meeting through friends) and its impact. More online daters report seeking a 'soulmate' online, and do so by searching through the wealth of available profiles. Unfortunately soul-searchers focus on faults, both in viewing profiles and then also once dating in person, leading to quick exits when relationships inevitably get complicated."��

Posted by: foodieatheart at February 22, 2012 2:03 PM

Hi theotherhotredhead!
If any of your contacts have been scammers, make sure you contact rsvp as you can get your stamp back. I've had 3 or 4 in the last few weeks.
Don't lose heart, just be more active yourself ... send out those kisses and hopefully you'll get more responses. Good luck!
SOSO

Posted by: sososophy at February 21, 2012 8:40 PM

Stop EXPECTING whatever you're expecting

Yeah it's cliche but it's truth!

If you don't want to keep feeling the negativity of it all, then understand that you cannot hinge YOUR happiness on being successful in the dating world (cyber or otherwise)

Remember ALSO that you do not stand alone in the knock back stakes

Hugs if that is what you need gf but chin up and soldier on!!! And if a break is what you need, then perhaps it is wise if you have it...

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at February 21, 2012 1:30 AM

Theotheredhead- I'm hoping that maybe others misery can cheer you up!

I've been on here now a couple of months too (I think), strangely enough also sent 34 kisses!

2 of these were to fellow bloggers to say they had a great profile & they kindly responded!

Of the other 32 I have received zero, zip, zilch & no positive responses! About half have not responded at all (even after looking at my profile) and the others have all been thanks but no thanks!

The only non-blogger kisses I have received (a total of 4) have been from really young boys, an older man & one interstate!

The way I look at it though, is that I'm pretty much myself on here & if they are not happy with it, I'll live! Plus for you & I- it's only been a few months! Patience may be key! I may have from day to day thought about getting away from online dating- due to the lack of luck! BUT getting nothing on here with the potential of a decent man stumbling across my profile is better than getting nothing and not putting myself out there for that potential (if that makes any sense)!

Best of luck, hold your head high, and remember if they knock you back they don't deserve you!

Em

Posted by: justem at February 11, 2012 12:04 AM

Hi, TheOtherHotRedhead,
Sorry to hear about your negative experiences here. As has been said before, several times if I recollect correctly, on-line dating is a numbers game. You have to go through the numbers to find a compatible partner and there is no way of knowing when or with whom your number 'will be up'.

I have been on and off 'net dating sites since 2001, given it away, come back again, thought about giving it away again and I am still here. I DO know why I am still here. I don't think that I lack feminine companionship or contact. How-wevver, I do lack that intimacy and sharing that is so hard to find outside of a committed couple situation.

I have a LOT happening in my life, on many different levels and have wondered at times just how I would fit in a committed relationship with a woman. I suspect that the answer might be that if a compatible woman came along, my life would MAKE space for her to the point where it would not feel 'right' without her.

Just my 0.02.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at February 10, 2012 10:15 PM

Posted by: theotherhotredhead, I am not sighing but sad. It is a numbers game, and you have to have a ticket to win it. We all get dejected, or rejected. Gosh, if I folded up my tent every time there was a kick in the pants, life would be really boring. May be, you should contact Big, you are in the same locale. Personally, I have sent out a coupla kisses and they have all been summarily dealt with in a negative way. So I dont bother anymore. Am happy communicating with some of our lovely bloggers. I understand everything you posted, been there , done that , bought the t-shirt. Like I have said, just coz I wear my heart on my sleeve, doesnt mean I have had a few transplants. Keep looking in, you might come back!! S xx

Posted by: shazzam5 at February 10, 2012 9:23 PM

Thanks shazzam for your agreement now for my negative winge, don't sigh, you knew it was coming.....
I am about to leave this site and I rear the dating world forever! In the last 2 months since I have been on this site in an attempt to get some kind of balance in my life the following has happened:
Kisses sent 34
25 Thanks but no thanks
9 yes ok I want to hear from you so.....
9 emails sent
2 clearly were scammers
3 no replies after the first email
4 dates ensued
1 I decided not to see again the other 3 I have either not heard from again or they are "sorry they have too much going on in thier life now to concentrate on a relationship" (they are all still active by the way)
and just for out of the blue an email received from someone I said no to who I appear to be getting on great with but still can't get to commit to meet!
So I ask you how do I get past the negativity of all that?

Posted by: theotherhotredhead at February 10, 2012 8:50 PM

Ummmm, here's something positive - read down the blogs and look at my request for a show of hands for a Brissie get together - I am happy to organise it and I request no negativity or bitching.

Just online friends becoming real life friends - who is in and who is out - I'm not asking again.

Off my soapbox.

PD x

Posted by: parisdreamer at February 10, 2012 7:12 PM

Posted by: tweedledum at February 7, 2012 2:51 PM

So come with me, where dreams are born and time is never planned
Just think of happy things and your heart will fly on wings forever
In Never-Never land

Peter Pan

Posted by: barbaraw at February 9, 2012 8:21 PM

Posted by: barbaraw at February 8, 2012 2:07 PM

TAG!!! lol

Posted by: asitis09 at February 8, 2012 3:38 PM

Whoopee!!
Unique - come and let me out! Peaceful's replacing me in the jelly wrestling.

May the force be with him!

Posted by: barbaraw at February 8, 2012 2:07 PM

Hey Biggie ya big ole teddy bear! I use next but only at a first meet and greet scenario, I go there - yes with an expectation - that maybe this person at the very least could be a nice person to meet. If things weren't as they seemed from the profile, email and phone contact then oh well, nothing ventured, nothing gained, no loss - next.

I wholeheartedly agree with you though on people who can jump from one relationship to another within a matter of days of proclaiming devotion et al. Been there done that, witnessed the delusional.

We need a phone conversation Biggie, in need to escape Dr Phil and Oprah.......

Said with love... of course........ PD x

Posted by: parisdreamer at February 7, 2012 11:29 PM

Tweedledum, re "never never land"
I'm not sure this exists, I can appreciate for regional and country towns, my sistas may have a man draught. I think of the challenges and motivation involved for someone like Amber, who travels 100+km for a meet! Hopefully he is worth it.

As a 50's something femme fortunate to live in Sydney, I can attest that there are plenty of fine gents available to meet. Indeed, have met many and befriended a few. The connection on multiple levels is the challenge as we are all looking for something different, yet same* sigh*

Asitis, I hear you on the issue of personal improvement. Some believe they are just perfect and are oblivious and stoically rigid, to even the slightest, well meaning zyphyr. There are not many who have the courage nor conviction to self reflect on their contents and wrapper. Bare in mind that the shiny wrapper, to be appropriately deported, need not be too taxing on the hip pocket, in my opinion. The content however, is another matter entirely.

Posted by: ladylikestodance at February 7, 2012 7:51 PM

It works out too expensive to email without first checking if the person is interested. Always best to test the waters with a "kiss", unless of course you have some stamps about to expire anyway, and there is nothing to lose.

As for comments about women in their 50's being in "never never land", for the most part, that is sad but true ... except on some of the freebie sites where they are in high demand by idiots in their 20's looking for a one-off Mrs Robinson experience.

Posted by: tweedledum at February 7, 2012 2:51 PM

It is important for people to come to an understanding of things when they're ready - in their own time

Can't force anyone to do anything

Even if its to stop constantly bickering about what they don't understand or disagree with lol

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at February 7, 2012 11:30 AM

Bigman

If you're happy with how you handle relationship break ups, don't take any notice of what annoys you at this time.

The concept of NEXT - it is clear you don't understand it properly. So let me rephrase

it is not about bouncing from one relationship to the next

It is not a cop out

It is not avoidance or denial of the human emotions you speak of

It is a practise used amongst people who can process emotions quickly and LET GO - ready to enjoy life - the NEXT PHASE. (not necessarily relationship)

Its about BEING ABLE to move on

I have mentioned somewhere that our response times to dealing with what happens can go from years to months to weeks to days to minutes

We are all free to choose how long we want to "hang on" to a memory or how long we want to "figure out" and come to grips with what happened etc

I understand that it seems very unfeeling technical but once you understand the importance of happiness at the core of your being, you truly realise that indeed...

Life is too short

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at February 6, 2012 7:33 PM

Hey Big,

While I wouldn't be able to use 'next' after a meaningful relationship, I've found it actually works for negative responses, email relationships and first meets.

I'm not going to waste my time wondering about the opinions of strangers who will never be a part of my life.

By the way, what are you hoping to catch with that bait?

(Ok now I'M ducking for cover)

cheers,
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at February 6, 2012 6:48 PM

Big, I do agree, but I feel it is a self-defense mechanism. Do they really advocate the "next" ideal or are they protecting their own heart? Also, if it is a first meet or date that goes pear-shaped then next is what I would say too

.

However, when there are feelings involved I believe that we should care how we come across, and try to sort out which we can sort out.

You dealt with the loss of your marriage, and of course, that takes time. Then you emotionally (congrats there) put yourself out there and were hurt by another lady a little while ago.

I have met someone who is so like me, but he doesn't think it will work. Ok what do I do there? You cannot make someone believe something they don't. Alas I am no witch or magician. (despite some people's thoughts)
So naturally for me, I will be patient for a coupla weeks and not shut the door completely but the old saying is true, let it go, if it comes back it is yours.

After that I will have to move on. And what has been a common theme for me (sometimes) is the next lady they meet, they marry etc. I feel like a warm up act occasionally.

Make room in the bunker, dude! S xx

ps I did enter at least 5 times peaceful, but alas no paragraphs!!!!!!

Posted by: shazzam5 at February 6, 2012 6:11 PM

Posted by: parisdreamer at February 5, 2012 8:51 AM

Yes I would be interested!

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at February 5, 2012 9:28 PM

Okay Brisbanites..... there are two hands in the air for a meet in our wonderful finally sunny city.......

I'm going to suggest the Story Bridge hotel as it has a wonderful atmosphere and is central to north, south, west and east Brissy dwellers. It will have to be March though I must confess..... as I am off to Fiji in 3 weeks - woo hooo!!!!!

Sorry just a tad excited about relaxing my gym regime for a short time.......

Sunday is fine PF60 as it is my relax day..... we shall nut out a date shortly. Now can we see a show of hands..... who wants to meet, laugh, partake of a cheeky glass of wine or a nice coffee perchance?

PD x

Posted by: parisdreamer at February 5, 2012 5:52 PM

Hi, ParisDreamer.
If I REALLY tried, I suppose that I could muster up enough energy to get myself to such a meeting. Might need a taxi to get me home though - - - and I don't partake of alcoholic beverages.

If lunch, it would pretty much have to be a Sunday 'cos I still work 5 to 5 1/2 days a week. It would be good though to meet some fellow bloggers and be able to communicate a bit quicker than thisaway.

Any more hands going up?

BTW, Shazzam5 and I have been discussing this on the Female Dater Speaks blog.

Catchyalater.

You hava wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at February 5, 2012 5:04 PM

Hey brooklyn612, welcome to the blogs. It would be good to have a regular bloggers meet in Brisbane as our friends in Sydney have started, a good bunch of happy people with common goals.

Any other Brisbanites want to get involved??

Could be a regular lunch or dinner and heaps of fun making new friends, after all, you never know who you will meet thru new friends.

Have a sparkling day everyone!

PD x

Posted by: parisdreamer at February 5, 2012 8:51 AM

brooklyn612 at February 3, 2012 2:35 PM

I looked at your profile after reading your post. It appears that you have a lot going for you. With your beautiful photos and a bubbly personality, I think that you will not have any difficulty meeting someone. You just have to go with the flow as we all do and hopefully if you continue to be just you (open and honest), you will find that someone when the times right.

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at February 4, 2012 8:54 PM

Hi, Brooklyn612.
Welkum too ther 4rum.

You have my deepest sympathy but I have been on RSVP since 2004 and I am still single and unattached, fancy free and able to do what I want when I want and how I want. Maybe I've been single for too long. Damned if I'm not enjoying it now.

Each person that you contact/meet/date/ whatever and it doesn't work out adds to your understanding of what you DO want in a relationship and is also one closer to finding the RIGHT one.

I also don't believe that there is ONLy one person for each of us. Trouble is, finding even one of the suitable ones is a lot like fishing in the ocean - sure, there are lots of fish out there but there is a LOT of water too.

If your glass is only half full, finish it off and get a fresh one.

Ooouniqueooo has the right idea. If it doesn't work out with one person, NEXT.

Just my 0.02.

You have a wonderful search.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at February 3, 2012 5:41 PM

Hi fellow bloggers, I have ever joined a chat of this kind so bare with me. So to start, I have been single for three years and besides being lonely as hell I am starting to feel very disheartened about finding mr right. I'm usually a very positive glass-half-full person and always try to see the good in people and situations. I still believe that I will find that special person for me but am hoping some of you can share your advice and help me out. My past relationships although causing a lot of pain and grief have taught me some valuable lessons about what i will and wont accept in a relationship. To give you a brief history, my first real love was a 7 year defacto relationship which ended because he was a serial cheat for the entire relationship. i continually believed his angry denials when friends told me certain things or i had that niggling gut feeling that something wasn't quite right, but when i finally caught him at it, that was my wakeup call. So after two years alone (i foolishly believed noone would want me with baggage still going on with the ex so i didnt put myself out there), i finally was ready and open to dating. Unfortunately for me all my friends are married or busy with their kids and cannot help to introduce me to any of their friends. I tried some of the dating suggestions to get new hobbies, keep an open eye at the supermarket or gym, accepted every opportunity to get out there to meet people in a social event, and I joined rsvp and several other sites. Funnily enough the first man i met, although we had no attraction for each other, has been a very dear friend since and I have made some great friends along the way. I try to get to know someone online for a couple of weeks before i am ready to meet them, i have to be very careful who i associate with because of my job so it does take a bit of back and forth before i can decide whether to meet someone and my first meet is always a coffee. I don't like the word date as it puts too much pressure on both parties. If we enjoy the coffee and would like to do it again, then the next outing will be a date. Does that make sense? So after meeting a dozen odd men I finally started dating a nice guy and we eventually became intimate. Unfortunately whilst i was away overseas he cheated and i ended it the minute i found out. A bit disheartening but I know that you have to go through these ups and downs before you find the right one. Met a few more after that but unfortunately every one of them had already decided we were going to have a relationship by the time we met for the first coffee and that just freaked me out. I really believe that you have to develop a friendship first going further into a relationship. And things were going swimmingly with one man, our first lunch date turned into dinner and we got along famously. We went out several more times until one night his anger issues surfaced and I saw his nasty side. So ended that. Then along came another great guy, we were together 18 months and were planning to move in together until he admitted that he was confused about his sexuality. The four cappucino machines and his passion for shopping should have given it away. Very disappointing and sadly he is still dating women and living in denial. Since then it has been a series of men who clearly dont read my profile and are just looking for a meal ticket or someone to raise their kids for them. And it seems that many don't even bother reading my profile. What am I doing wrong? My other gripe is that I have a limited social life because most of my closest friends live overseas or have family commitments so I rely on functions organised by rsvp and fast impressions. Have been to a few speed dates, loads of fun and good for practicing your social skills but have not managed to get a date out of any of them. Its very frustrating too waiting for an event with the right age groups, why do they keep putting a much older group of men with women of my age. Can we not have some events where we are all the same age ie 38-44? I have been to a few of the meet and greet events but they generally turn into a drunken debauchery with the goal of hooking up and going home with someone and that is just not me. The dinner and lunch events are a great idea but ridiculously expensive and none of my suggestions have been considered. Would any of you be interested in meeting for a drink or a meal before going to a movie, or doing a wine and cheese tasting event, or maybe a trivia night. I am a passionate traveller too and hate having to pay single supplements everywhere i go. It is always so much more enjoyable to share an adventure with someone so a love for travel is an absolute must with my partner. Im heading off to the Middle East and then Italy at the end of March, would be great to have some way of meeting an aussie rsvp member overseas. Does anyone know how to set up something like this on the site. So, thats me in a nutshell. Your thoughts would be appreciated.

Posted by: brooklyn612 at February 3, 2012 2:35 PM

I've emailed straight off the cuff

Men. And women who were imo worth getting to know (based solely on what they've written and how)

We can only go on our perceptions and intuitions.

So far, I am no longer in contact with said people lol

Of all the people who have contacted me(via email straight up) only ONE has remained in constant contact.

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 31, 2012 10:32 PM

Hi, TRN1.
Thank you for response but, in spite of the opinions tha you and Big have expressed, I am still going to send e-mails as my first contact. I LIKE getting that little bit of information that the non-repliers impart by not replying. Surprising how many of them say they want 'honesty' in a partner. I suppose that, in their own fashion, they ARE being honest by not replying.

I have long believed that every rejection is one closer to the BIG acceptance.

Just my 0.02.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 31, 2012 8:33 PM

Peaceful

I think a kiss at first because that way if I thought that I would not be interested I would send a polite no kiss back to them that way they have not gone to the expense of an email. If interested, I would reply with a kiss to say looking forward to email. I think it is insensitive when someone, whether it is the male or female accepts an email, when they know for sure they are not interested right from the start. I know it is disheartening when after sending a kiss the recipient sends a not interested kiss back but at least you know they are not going to be wasting your time. Also I believe that for every knock back you will be getting closer to the possibilities that are right for you. It may take time but if and when we get there in the end it will be worth it because we waited for those that we are better suited to. Of course we wont know unless we meet with prospective dates in person to really find out what they are like.

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at January 30, 2012 10:19 PM

Hi, TBM9 and TRN1.
Big, for what it's worth, I NEVER send a kiss. I figger that if a woman is worth contacting at all she is worth at least a stamp. Even if she chooses not to reply, at least she is telling me something about herself that I seriously doubt she would want me to know if she ever stopped to think about it - - - - which, if she is the 'chooses-not-to-reply type, she possibly never does anyway.

'Nif she does reply in the negative, C'est la vie and NEXT!

How-wevver, in my innocent ignorance of the species, I have this totally unscientific and unfounded notion that a woman worth knowing would likely appreciate an e-mail as a first contact more than an RSVP kiss.

The more direct kinda kiss as a first contact? I find women can be a bit picky about that too. Seems they are somewhat choosy about who the direct kiss is being given by.

TRN1, which approach would YOU prefer?

Just my 0.02.

You both have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 30, 2012 6:05 PM

Okay Big

Found the topic interesting though

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at January 30, 2012 8:18 AM

nofictiongirl, unless that business of yours pays you an absolutely huge amount of money each week, don't waste your money on sending an email as your first contact please.

Whilst I haven't been a member for long (a little under 9 months), I have only received one email as a first contact. And that was from a lovely lady in Melbourne who said she sent it for basically only one reason.

Now don't get too upset here oh unique one, amber, barbaraw and everyone else who's disagreed with my posts! This particularly intelligent, thoughtful, kind, loving, smart, beautiful, sensible, did I mention highly intelligent, lady said she sent the email, because upon reading the blogs and agreeing with whatever the writer had to say, 90% of the time said writer was ME!!!!

I am just so gooood!!

Returning to the topic, nofictiongirl, sending an email is not only wasting money, I think it'll probably be self-defeating. I suspect most recipients will be thinking, "how desperate is this woman"!

Bite the bullet, send the ubiquitous kiss, maybe make it one of the flirty ones as against the more bland and generic, "I'd like to get to know you, would you be interested"? It may take a bit more time due to the process of waiting for the reply, then sending an email, but the simple fact that you receive a positive reply is an indication there's some interest.

Keep on trying and don't give up.

big, ready for another week of rehab!!

Posted by: thebigman9 at January 29, 2012 9:42 PM

Hi timesrightnow, actually I didn't say anything at all about women in their 50s finding life difficult on this dating site.

In my reply to softandsweet I posted, and I quote, "Unfortunately, as has been stated on here before (by amber and magnet) you are in 'never never land' with regards to your age. Apparently, according to those two fine ladies and a number of others, women in their 50s really miss out. The men in the age group you seek, 47 - 60, are looking for women much younger than you so that leaves you with the O/60s who won't interest you"! Note the brackets mentioning that it was the opinion of amber and magnet that this phenomenon is occuring.

It is interesting indeed. Perhaps we could ask amber and magnet, time for another quote this time from Prof Julius Sumner Miller, "Why is it so"? Or maybe John has some insight from his research he could share.

big, resting after his first drive for 4 weeks!!

Posted by: thebigman9 at January 29, 2012 9:27 PM

Oops, don't 'sed' it, they might get the wrong impression! Better just send it instead!

Posted by: singlejoy at January 29, 2012 8:24 PM

Sed a kiss to test the waters first. If there's a positive reply, then by all means send the email. Kisses on here could be called anything else, but kisses it is. I don't think they are juvenile at all, just an ice-breaker. Take care, SJ

Posted by: singlejoy at January 29, 2012 7:59 PM

Hey everyone. A question...
Is it better to receive (or send) an email rather than a rsvp kiss??
In my opinion, kisses are a bit juvenille, flippant and easy to ignore.
I'm tempted to think that an email is a far better way to express an interest and throw out a line.
However, these cost money. Sometimes they are ignored (no manners). Sometimes the contact immediately change their status as they are obviously in a relationship, but still leaving their line in the water (bad manners again).
So the success rate is not so hot either.
What do you worldly people think??

Posted by: nofictiongirl at January 29, 2012 6:59 PM

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at January 29, 2012 11:01 AM

I know what you mean. With all the complaining from men - I now tend to say no too - or just send the friendship kiss if their photo doesn't enthrall me but their profile seems okay - because I don't want to be accused of being one of THOSE women :)
I also think from experience that if a woman doesn't react how a man THINKS she should in the first few emails they also get a bit impatient.
It's as if you need to show you are 'the one' or think they are - in the first 500 words :)

I personally think that on dating sites Big's comments may well be very accurate - but 'in real life' (IRL) it's not so cut and dried.

I think most of us could only guess how old we might be IRL - I don't go around with a sign stating "I am 53" IRL ::))

I actually do pretty well in the 'having a second look' department IRL - just not on any dating site :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 29, 2012 4:31 PM

thebigman9 at January 25, 2012 5:19 PM

Hi big you mentioned women in their fifties being in a difficult age group for men being interested, interesting.

It would be a shame if this were the case.

Myself personally think that whilst I am 50 and do not receive as many emails I am not sure if it is age or not. I say this because I have changed how I go about contacting others on RSVP. The last time was 4 years ago and I sent many kisses out and therefore received a number of emails, some of which where from very nice men but as we got to know each other this way, either they or I thought we would not go any further. One however, we emailed via RSVP for months but he was very far away and I left RSVP. This time I have only sent one or two kisses and I have become very choosey whom I respond to. It�s been a two way street I have sent a couple of kisses and they have not been interested, and I have not been interested in the kisses I have received.

Before I would have accepted emails even if I thought I might not have been interested just in case by getting to know them better I may change my mind. I also had in mind that I would meet with these men if things went well via email first to met them in the flesh, because by meeting them you would be giving yourselves the chance to see how we are in person. Now I am worried about accepting emails in case I don�t end up wanting to meet them and this is partly because of all the negative comments that I have read about men not wanting to keep on waste stamps on women and feeling ripped off. I didn�t want to add to any ones disappointment if I said I was not interested after we go to know one another via email. I think however the first two emails I received may have a bearing on how I feel because they were from very aggressive males and I only read their first emails and that was enough.

Posted by: timesrightnow1 at January 29, 2012 11:01 AM

Hey Shazzam it's lousy when you violate your own values but it does happen (I've done it, and it is rarely pleasant) so you might like to do as peaceful suggested and "chalk it up to experience", learn a little, change a little and create a better outcome should there ever be a "next time".

Peaceful I am sorry to have missed all the posts about sex, from all the talk they must have been interesting - definitely my loss...

Posted by: tinkerbelle57 at January 28, 2012 11:25 PM

I have seen the time for tonight and will try and come if its not raining.

Posted by: softandsweet at January 27, 2012 4:02 PM

Hi, Shazzam5.
As I said earlier, about fifteen years, around 1996, I think.

Don't blame anything, Lady. Chalk it up as experience, from which you will learn, and may never go there again. The 'malfluence of inkahol' almost never produces a good result.

That was quite a night. I suspect that it will be a pleasant memory for each of us for quite a while. Funny thing is, I am finding that such discussions are becoming a little more frequent in my life. I have been open to them for a LOT of years now so it MUST be that I am meeting more open women these days. Na so?

Kee pya feet dry. And watch out for the weekend.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 26, 2012 5:54 PM

Hi Peaceful, been a while since you were here. those farms are now all houses.

As for fessing up, not a chance. I will divulge, alcohol, sending an uncool msg and then trying to do a recovery. Jeez, ya think I woulda learned by now! So I have my own negative mind set to blame.

Great blog on Talking Sex, what a night you guys must have had! Thanks for the interesting posts. Learnt a few things...

S xx

Posted by: shazzam5 at January 26, 2012 4:54 PM

Hi, Shazzam5.
Yep. I couldn't remember the name of that hill but it looks to me like it may have been an old volcanic plug. If my memory serves me right, ii is situated on a farm or a couple of farms and is about the most obvious landmark between Bundy and Bargara.

The sandhills at Mon Repos oughta be pretty safe from flooding - - ifya kin git there. Might get to see some baby turtles hatching too if you venture down to the beach.

I'll do a check with RACQ and the NRMA before I leave on Saturday morning to see what roads are closed down thataway. May have to call the trip off if it looks doubtful.

Paragraphing is usually pretty easy. All I do is hit 'Enter' twice when I want to start a new paragraph.

Last night? C'mon? What'd yer do? You don't hafta go to the sin bin if you 'fess up.

You hava wonderful, flood-free day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 26, 2012 2:40 PM

Correct peaceful, the Hummock. Billinudgel is flooded so good luck getting to paradise. My favourite place in Oz. I cant work out how to paragraph. I indent but when I post, no spacing. Good to see Big is out and about. Beware ladies of the south.

I should have John's advice on this topic last night before making a total jerk of myself. Committed my own deal breakers. Sheesh!! Sin binning myself S xx

Posted by: shazzam5 at January 26, 2012 12:16 PM

Hi, Shazzam5.
Yes, spelling and grammar are important. They help to make a piece of writing more easily readable, as do paragraphs (nudge, nudge, wink, wink.) and other things

A profile - or any other piece of writing - is more likely to be read and attract favourable attention if it is easily readable. Sloppy writing does tend to create an impression of general sloppiness, whether it is deserved or not.

Mind you, haste can be a factor here too. Witness the Unique One's plea to the mods below.

My feet are dry at the moment and will likely stay dry although I do have to make a trip down to Ocean Shores in Northern 'Mexico' and return on Saturday.

There are warnings of more rain to come over the weekend and the South-east could receive between 200 and 300 millimetres. The river and stream levels were higher yesterday around here than anything that I saw last January and the ground is already wet so that might prove 'interesting'.

My only real risk is that my road access to and from home might be cut off. I stocked up a bit on Monday evening on my way home just in case.

My memories of Bundy are a little hazy now as it has been around fifteen years since I was there but I seem to remember that there is not a lot of high ground around the river or between the town and the coast.

Would it be a rude question to ask what the 'high, dry' place is that you have in mind? Not the round hill to the East of town?

Our 'leaders' are a real asset, aren't they? Twelve months on from last year's floods and the highways that were cut then are still vulnerable.

The Fire Control Officer for Wyong Shire in N.S.W. way back when had a cap with two bills, one facing forward and the other to the side. The front one had the message, "I am their leader." The side one had the question, "Which way did they go?" Remind you of something around here?

You stay safe too, Lady.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 26, 2012 10:29 AM

A demonstrated ability to use correct spelling, punctuation and grammar immediately sets the writer outside the herd, the herd that went to school for ten years and learned nuffink, the herd that actually looks down on such good usage because it shows them up for what they are - dense, non-discriminating, apprentice bogans.

The choice is fairly simple - go with the herd or stand out from the herd.

Burntabit

Posted by: burntabit at January 26, 2012 10:19 AM

hello Bigman. Thank you for your response to my blog comment. I enjoyed reading what you have said and i will do what you have suggested. I've always written the way ive written my profile, maybe, its a little lazy and i didnt think it would matter as long as i got my message across. Thank you again...

Posted by: softandsweet at January 25, 2012 9:43 PM

Softandsweet, Once again agree with Big ( I know it gets a bit boring). Spelling and grammar are important, I am lazy and rarely put in apostrophes but anyway. My suggestion is to check out some of the other female bloggers profiles for some ideas. We all check each other out to see who we are commenting to, so it is no biggy. I also smoke and have found so far, not a huge issue, as I am house trained and will go outside, never in the car with someone etc. Weather update for Peaceful, so far so good but a severe weather warning has just been posted for parts of my area. No rain for 3 hours but the highway is cut at Childers. If that persists, just like last year, then no fresh bread or food. I did mine today, as living up north one prepares for cyclones so what is a little rain. Good luck to our BrisVegas readers. Oh and Peaceful there is only one high dry place here!! Keep your feet dry. Sxx

Posted by: shazzam5 at January 25, 2012 6:15 PM

Gee Magnet. That's a shame.
Maybe he was having some sort of crisis (family or otherwise). You don't know. Sometimes it happens. Murphy's Law and all that. Such wrong timing. Maybe he deserves a second chance and try again.
Ciao, G. X

Posted by: imgina at January 25, 2012 5:28 PM

Hi softandsweet, as you will notice I looked at your profile and here's a few, hopefully, constructive suggestions.

Use a capital I instead of i in your 'About me'. Instead of the 3 or 4 fullstops at the end of each short thought, use one and make it a proper sentence. Fix up the spelling and punctuation as it's your first introduction to a potential mate and presentation does count.

I'm not too sure where you form the opinion you are too voluptuous or too ethnic. You state you're a bit overweight but in neither photo do you look anywhere near 'a bit overweight'. As far as I can see, I'd describe you as 'average'.

I also can't see where the 'ethnic' comes from. It doesn't come from your photos, you state you're 'other Caucasian' which could mean anything and you list your nationality as Australian!!

You don't enjoy sport! Okay, but re-word that or leave it out and simply say you enjoy the beach. Fill out more of the Ideal Partner preferences so the guys have more of an idea what you're looking for. It also gives an insight into what makes you soft and sweet!

Unfortunately, as has been stated on here before (by amber and magnet) you are in 'never never land' with regards to your age. Apparently, according to those two fine ladies and a number of others, women in their 50s really miss out. The men in the age group you seek, 47 - 60, are looking for women much younger than you so that leaves you with the O/60s who won't interest you!

I have a personal issue with smokers, won't ever date one, but I doubt that'll have any affect on the responses you receive. Possibly change your Ideal Partner location from Australia to 100kms of Sydney unless you are actually prepared to travel. Meeting someone from, say Perth on a first date, might be a tad problematic.

All I can also suggest is you just keep sending out kisses and don't give up. Why don't you come along to the Cammeray Golf Club on Friday night at 8pm and ask all the people who are attending.

big, listening to the pouring rain from his warm, comfy, dry room!!

Posted by: thebigman9 at January 25, 2012 5:19 PM

Hi, Shazzam5.
I hope you are safe where you are. Bundy does have some 'interesting' experiences in times of extreme wet weather. If you look like being at risk, find a high place to wait it out.

Stay safe.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 25, 2012 4:13 PM

oh i meant so fellow bloggers write to me :)

Posted by: softandsweet at January 25, 2012 1:57 PM

hello everyone....i would love to hear how you are going on rsvp...please post positive experiences too....as for me, im not doing too well...it always hurts when someone turns you down....i would really like an opinion on my profile...could i be a little too voluptuous? or maybe too ethnic? maybe its because i dont enjoy sport....im feeling quite disheartened...so guys write to me...

Posted by: softandsweet at January 25, 2012 1:56 PM

Rellith, read this with the good intentions that are posted. Most of us try to help but occasionally some will cop a pasting. Hope you are safe and sound where you are. S xx

Posted by: shazzam5 at January 24, 2012 6:14 PM

End of my previous post..Weather update, Bundy East is beginning to flood.

Posted by: shazzam5 at January 25, 2012 12:31 PM

Well

all I can say is judge not that ye be not judged but you gonna get judged whether you like it or not lol

Still, its all drama and something for us to read and have a laugh at when we're bored

Instead of worrying about, or pointing the finger at others, how about just taking care of ourselves and getting a date? LOL

If someone changes their profile for whatever their reason might, let then go through their own processes. Yes you care- we all care. But sometimes, saying nothing is better.

At the very least, ask whether they're ok

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 25, 2012 9:21 AM

Hi Rellith, I'm really hoping you changed your profile in an angry reaction to a bad date and plan to change it back once you have recovered a little. It's a shame that someone has burned you/lied etc and I'll agree it's not fair! As bigman said we would probably need more information before we can comment on what this woman did. I will say though- don't give up! By changing your profile to the way it is you are scaring off any decent woman that may come along. There are honest people out there, I for one am too honest at times, don't let one bad egg spoil the whole thing for you!
Good luck- and for my 2 cents worth either disable your profile while you recover from this bad experience or change it back!

Posted by: justem at January 24, 2012 11:55 PM

Now Peaceful, Big and Shazzam. Is he the only one that has ever got p****d off and put stuff in his profile that was angry and negative and cynical etc????. I know for a fact that I have done it, we all know Spanky's profile is anything but complimentary, Whateveritmeans admits to having many cynical, critical words in her profile because of her dissatisfaction with men on this site, and I have read many a profile that shows that the person is hurting about one thing or another and is trying to make a point, so give the kid a break. He will probably change it when he calms down and realizes that it is not getting him anywhere and you never know, there may be a girl out there that is identifying with him as we speak and may want to show him that all women are not the same. I myself have had a bad 2nd date tonight and this time last year I would have possibly reacted the same way, it is just that this year I am in a better place. So back off and let him lick his wounds without your own negative comments.
Magnet to the rescue.

Posted by: msmagnet11 at January 24, 2012 11:15 PM

Back into your fan club again, Big. I even laughed when he posted that he wanted to be a foreman and then put the meaning in brackets (must have been for women who dont understand what it means!) Wont be able to get to your bunker. Severe weather in Bundy and Brisbane. Looks like floods again. Wont be too many bbqs up here on Aussie Day! Rellith, read this with the good intentions that are posted. Most of us try to help but occasionally some will cop a pasting. Hope you are safe and sound where you are. S xx

Posted by: shazzam5 at January 24, 2012 6:14 PM

Well said peaceful and shazzam! I didn't look at rellith's profile before I posted because there was no need to. However, after I read your comments and magnet's, I did and you two are absolutely correct.

No woman in her right mind would date you rellith! Angry, young man doesn't even come close to an adequate description. Total and utter wanker would be closer to the truth.

Rellith, frankly I have no problem with you firing back and telling me to go and get f@#$%d! Your profile is a joke, apart from possibly three comments about what you like to do, everything is negative, sarcastic and rude!!

Mate, grow up! You state you want to become a trades foreman. If you treat your co-workers with the same disdain you obviously treat women, you've got as much chance of achieving your goal as I have of going to bed with Elle McPherson.

big, astonished at this ridiculous attitude!!

Posted by: thebigman9 at January 24, 2012 5:50 PM

Rellith, mate come on. I just checked out your profile and I could not agree with Peaceful more. You are so angry, state that you will not waste stamps anymore etc. You have also highlighted your background (which I will not comment on) so I think the time has come for you to either start with a new profile or shut it down! Off to Bigs bunker now...S xx

Posted by: shazzam5 at January 24, 2012 4:06 PM

Oh and Peaceful ease off him will you. We have all had or been through this in 1 way or another in our day before we wised up, or are you perfect and don't ever get caught???? May I hazard a guess that he changed the profile AFTER the date, ya think??? I had looked before and it is different.
Magnet.

Posted by: msmagnet11 at January 24, 2012 3:33 PM

Oh dear Rellith, I am so sorry for you that you feel that way. I do not think that all we women would agree that we lie more than men as we have all had our share of liars in the past, some more than others. How did she lie to you and are you tending to generalize a bit ? You will find that the world is full of liars in any arena, pubs, work, sports groups etc because wherever people are and they think that lying will achieve what they want, they will do it. Do you ask questions before you meet? As you get older your "truth meter" will become more experienced and you will save yourself that pain. It sounds like you are putting too much of your heart in to every Meet before it has been established that she is who she says [in both physical and emotional ways] In my opinion, just make the contact, meet fairly quickly so you don't build up too much of an expectation and then take it from there. I have a son your age and this would be the advice I would give him.
Just some suggestions from the Earth Mother,
Magnet

Posted by: msmagnet11 at January 24, 2012 1:25 PM

Hi rellith, this will probably be beaten by others, but you need to give us examples of how you were 'ripped off' and 'lied to' not only last night but on other dates that have caused you to form this opinion. Asking for advice is always helpful but advice can only be given when there's something tangible and concrete on which advice can be based.

So, what happened last night? What has happened before? Why do you feel 'ripped off'? Why do you think people, that is women, lie so much?

Over to you.

big, very happy to be going home on Friday!!

Posted by: thebigman9 at January 24, 2012 1:10 PM

Hi, Rellith.
To be totally honest, I am surprised that you managed to even get a woman to agree to meet you with that profile. Take a good look at it. Would YOU go out with a bloke who put up a profile like that? I'm TOTALLY sure that I wouldn't if I were a woman.

Talk about an Angry Young Man.

Also, 'shades' may be 'cool' - whatever that might be - out on the street or wherever but they are not a good idea in a photo to be posted on a 'net dating profile.

How does the girl feel about the date? Ripped off, maybe?

I can't help the feeling that ALL of your dating issues start with YOU, that you have an attitude problem - or three - and that you need to start there BEFORE complaining about women on this site mis-representing themselves.

Just my 0.02.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 24, 2012 12:53 PM

i am rather upset, i went on a date last night and i am very angry at the fact that i feel ripped off and girls on here lie more than men.. if somebody can give me some insight on this matter i really don't see my self putting my self on this site anymore only to be very dissapointed by every contact i have had.. why do people lie so much!!

Posted by: rellith at January 24, 2012 6:22 AM

Hi, ooouniqueooo.
Going just great here - and not a bandaid in sight. Some wonderful experiences being had though.

You can take out all the personal trainers that you like, always being aware that 'take-outs' are often 'fattening'.

But DON'T 'TAKE OUT' any of your clients. That can be a career killer.

Don't stay out of mischief.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 22, 2012 4:39 PM

A wonderful blooming...

Hmmm yes indeed... Its been, and it continues to be interesting as I observe every situation, how I handle it, and what it is I need to learn it

Its all experience and process
Blooming experience lol

how you doing up there/down there?

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 20, 2012 7:41 AM

Hi, ooouniqueooo.
Well at least you HAVE bloomed. Better by far to have bloomed late than to never have bloomed at all. And i seem to remember hearing somewhere of a South American plant that blooms ONCE every hundred years. You' re a little bit ahead of that.

You have a wonderful blooming.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at January 19, 2012 8:29 PM

Mink lol

hey I just wish I had used more band aids

too sensible in that regard wanting the elusive ONE TIME fairy tale lol

just gotta make sure I carry a supply of favoured uh yeah must check these things out

unique the late bloomer Hahaha

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 19, 2012 12:40 PM

Unique,

Nothing wrong with Bandaids! Cured 90% of my ills growing up! :)

Posted by: minkdeville at January 18, 2012 9:04 PM

Have some mind-blowing casual sex

That'll definitely help you get over a negative mindset lol

Anyone care to disagree?

Who cares if its a band aid solution!!!

Hahaha

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 18, 2012 6:38 PM

Thanks Big for the details and I am so looking forward to meeting you all. See you then.xx

Posted by: tinkerbelle57 at January 14, 2012 8:36 AM

Tinkerbelle, I'll post this even though you may already have the details.

We're meeting at the Great Northern Hotel which is on the cnr of Mowbray Rd and the Pacific H'way Chatswood at 1pm.

Looking forward to meeting you.

big

Posted by: thebigman9 at January 13, 2012 8:35 PM

LLTD thank you for the invite and yes I would love to meet you and all the others as well. December proved rather busy for me. Two (adult) childrens birthdays, christmas and a sister with whooping cough. Christmas is at my place and the "work load" is usually shared, but this year I had the pleasure (and it was a pleasure). I took my profile down because I already had lots to attend to plus I was somewhat over meeting guys whose predominant expectations are to get "laid" (and hopefully sooner rather than later). I am so over that... and the christmas/new year period often flushes them out.

Please can I have the details about the meet up. I thought I saw something the other day but I haven't been able to find it again. Thanks

Posted by: tinkerbelle57 at January 13, 2012 2:40 PM

What can we do with the person who has a negative mindset?

Let them be

Associate more with positive people

Associate less with the negative people

unless you feel its your duty to somehow try to help them change

some of us just can't help ourselves lol

I'm slowly UN-learning this good samaritan mother Teresa behaviour.

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 11, 2012 6:22 AM

Perfect opportunity to leave the negative mindset imbedded in 2011.

If one chooses to do so. One can achieve. It's all in the attitude. I was goal oriented, searching for THE partner. Over compensating and afflicted with flirt fatigue.

The emotinonal rollercoaster ride does take it out of you, and then reality bites and wisdom sinks in. Didn't really appreciate nor enjoy the process for what it was - simply, meeting and exchanging information. Now, a year on, I'm relaxed and seeking like minded souls, and if there are enough commonalities in interests then great, we can start with just socialising. If not, thank you for your time. Good luck with your search.
That's all, no other expectations. No disappointment. I appreciate people who under promise and over deliver!

But, it's a new year and a fresh start, and life's tapestry is filled with nuances in colours, weaves and knots, for moi, I'm surprised that RSVP has provided a richness in new friendships of both genders and witnesses to each other's lives. Indeed, many gents have commented that they have found some really good friends (some ex lovers) - which seem to last longer than the 6 week online dating cycle.

Bring it on I say.

Posted by: ladylikestodance at January 5, 2012 5:45 PM

Amber

yes I do think that and am aware of that but I guess I'm addressing only those who fall into the category that this blog topic is about.

I do like to leave other considerations for my fellow bloggers to mention.

Allows for more discussion etc :-)

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 5, 2012 4:43 PM

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 4, 2012 7:32 PM

Not everyone has the time, money or ability due to family/work commitments to just "Get out there and just meet people" or "date their arses off".

Nothing to do with people only looking for THE ONE or fear at all.
Depends more on what stage people are in their lives, the ages of their children, their financial situation and what their values are - don't you think?

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 5, 2012 12:22 PM

It is absolutely fascinating to see the way threads are woven in and out on these posts. I agree entirely bizzy with regards to grammar and spelling and, like you, burnt and many others, am mortified when my proof-reading of posts still misses errors.

However, this current thread has branched so far away from my original comment it's becoming laughable. I simply mentioned to burnt that barb, who is a stickler for correct language usage, had given us an interesting interpretation of the meaning of the word, 'droll', and he'd used that word quite unwittingly in a comment a few days later.

Now, we're discussing grammar, spelling, word usage, correcting others and dictionary meanings. The next time someone comes up with a 'new' interpretation of a word, I think I'll just stay in my bunker and let it pass!!

Posted by: thebigman9 at January 5, 2012 1:01 AM

Fer cryin out loud !!!

Stop being tight arses and cuz the Damm stamps and get out there and date your arses off!

Get over the fairy tale notion of one stamp for THE ONE. It is clear indication to me that fear rules many minds here.

Get out there and just meet people

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 4, 2012 7:32 PM

Posted by: sweeetlillee at January 4, 2012 11:39 AM

Wow Lillee - I looked at the phone app over the weekend - but I don't have an iPhone so I couldn't down-load it.
And my phone cap for this month is a bit over-stretched due to Christmas - for the next few days until my new one kicks in.
So thanks for letting us know ;)

So Farmer4 me - can you tell us how you do it?

Posted by: chivalrous66 at January 4, 2012 3:12 PM

Thanks Chivalrous,
You are a brave person indeed - I don't think I could remain positive for that long :)
Nice profile BTW.

Have you had some nice relationships/friendships through RSVP then - over those years?

Well I hope 2012 is a great year for all of us too :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 4, 2012 6:08 PM

Burntabit, I like your philosophy! There is so much in life to learn. And so much to understand too. My mother was always correcting our grammar, and spelling was easily solved by constantly telling us to "look it up in the dictionary". I appreciate the guidance, but am finding that it's easy to nit pick others when they make mistakes. This is where boundaries come in and I have to remind my daughter to not give her friends advice if they don't ask for it. The tendency to correct others can have a similar effect to the tendency to always be right. It works in a teaching relationship, but not with partners. Playful fun and teasing on the other hand is an entirely different story.

Posted by: bizzygurl at January 4, 2012 3:49 PM

Happy New Year to all !

I would like to add my support in wanting to be able to purchase a single reply stamp as rare is there a situation where there's more than the one person I'm interested in communicating with.

Also, I would like to eco the comments/sentiments made by Amberlightrose on 4/12/11 regarding the chance ratio of people being successful in meeting a suitable person through here and hence the lack of value in buying up multiple stamps. Amber, you're a babe in the woods with 4yrs on RSVP ! 2012 marks my 14th year membership with RSVP, I joined this site when there were a little over 600 members Australia wide !

I hope 2012 is the year for everyone here !

Posted by: chivalrous66 at January 4, 2012 3:12 PM

Hey Big,

Peaceful said I'm not allowed to use handcuffs. Apparently I have to tie you to the bed using personality and passion and they don't sell those at Bunnings - I tried.

cheers,
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at January 4, 2012 3:11 PM

Hi Burntabit,
I could easily have written your first three paragraphs about myself. I left school at fifteen, not because I had to, but because I hated it so much. How lucky were we to have parents who had a natural philosophy of learning - I certainly learned a lot more at home than at school.

cheers,
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at January 4, 2012 3:06 PM

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 2, 2012 9:34 AM
Hi Amber
I completely agree and also wish I could buy only one stamp. For the same reasons as you.
Im one of those people who has "Kiss me" on my profile .. :)
Im not opposed to making the first move and sending a kiss but I have read here a number of times from different women thatthe success rate when they initiate contact is very poor so that puts me off a little and also I guess I like a man who is confident enough to take the lead.
But.. New Year = New attitude :)
Anyway Im writing this to let you know I tried the ph app so as to purchase only one stamp and it isnt possible. You are still only given the same stamp purchase options as you are on here.
Farmer4me if you have purchased only one stamp can you give further info as to how you did it. Thx
:)

Posted by: sweeetlillee at January 4, 2012 11:39 AM

Now just hang on to your cotton pickin' socks there barb! You're supposed to be handcuffing me to the bed not defending burnt. He's big enough, old enough and ugly enough to look after himself!

Posted by: thebigman9 at January 4, 2012 10:38 AM

Barb W,

I lament the erosion of the language, not for any concept of maintaining a status quo but because it is fundamental to person to person communication. I was born into a family of modest means but filled with many books, most of them employing a high level of language.

It is a matter of regret to me that I did not belong to the privileged class with which a classic education came automatically; in any event, such was not available in Queensland rural schools at the time. My understanding and use of the language is a result of continuous reading; I have other pursuits but this one will always be at the core.

The power of language has been evident to me since I was very young and I simply enjoy using it as fully as I am able. Throughout my life, I have corresponded with many people, some of whom are highly lucid and some the complete opposite.

Amongst my current correspondents are two Boeing 747 pilots, with whom I discuss matters of aircraft operation and safety design (I was an aeronautical engineer before I migrated into motor vehicle design and manufacture), I own a website devoted to a specific motor vehicle which draws correspondence from around the world, I correspond with a German technical translator on matters of arcane terms used in official documents, and I make to odd contribution to these blogs. The core common feature is the language.

As a life philosophy, I have always believed that as long as we learn, we continue to live; when we stop learning, we begin to die.

Burntabit.

Posted by: burntabit at January 4, 2012 9:55 AM

Hi Burnt,

Take no notice of Big (just between you and me - he's on drugs!) I would always bow to your superior erudition and I and, I'm sure, many others enjoy your blog postings and emails immensely.

So pleasing to see the English language writ as it shouldabin for a change!

cheers,
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at January 4, 2012 12:30 AM

Posted by: burntabit at January 3, 2012 9:39 AM

Ain't insulted that easily Burnt ::)))

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 3, 2012 4:04 PM

Posted by: ladylikestodance at January 3, 2012 8:31 AM

Tinkerbelle, this invite was posted by our Unique One while visiting me, even though I logged off, it was still attributed to my account (cyber gremlins?) - please be assured that I too would love to meet you. Lets see if we can find a way to get in touch within our support network, as I have no stamps. Would love to have you join us for the bloggers soiree mid January.

Posted by: ladylikestodance at January 3, 2012 3:52 PM

Big,

Guilty as charged; it is hard to keep up with the constant redefinitions of the language. Sorry, Amber, this means that I have probably insulted you because my redefinitions are forty eight hours out of date.

Burntabit

Posted by: burntabit at January 3, 2012 9:39 AM

tinkerbelle

where have you been?
and how have you been?

and when are we going to meet up?
would you like to meet up?

lol

Posted by: ladylikestodance at January 3, 2012 8:31 AM

Hey burnt, I suspect you may not have read barbaraw's definition of 'droll'.

Posted by: thebigman9 at January 2, 2012 7:00 PM

Amber,

I just love the frog reference - most droll and most appropriate.

Burntabit

Posted by: burntabit at January 2, 2012 2:04 PM

The Mayan Calendar

OK everyone, resume breathing, the website has reverted to its usual clunkiness. The Mayan Calendar is wrong and the Universe is not about to disappear into a black hole.

This is the fourth try, clunk, clunk, clunk!!

Burntabit

Posted by: burntabit at January 2, 2012 2:02 PM

Posted by: farmer4me at January 1, 2012 11:36 PM

Really?
Thanks Farmer4me. I have been on and off RSVP for 4 years and had no knowledge of that :)
Like you I don't feel I want to contact someone often as most profiles just don't resonate with me.

I only found out about the premium number one night - and had to really research to find that. To buy two stamps using that is nearly $35 - which doesn't worry me much as it is much better than spending $60 for 6 - which I would never use - and then spending $15 a month to stop them from expiring!

But I had no idea about the phone log-in bit and $13 is VERY reasonable.
I wonder why RSVP doesn't advertise this?
And why this is only available to those who RSVP on their phone?
Seems a tad unfair to me - and to be honest makes me quite peeved with RSVP!
Kind of discriminates against us older ones who don't use their mobile phones for everything!
So thank you so much - I am sure this would be welcome info for a lot of people :)

How many other bloggers were actually aware of this? Was anyone?

Posted by: tinkerbelle57 at January 2, 2012 12:19 AM

Great post Tinks :)

Generally I find I don't even get to the the 'meet & greet' before they make it obvious what they are after :)
Which is great because as a working mum with a 15 year old still at home - I don't have time for all that crap - especially as I live in a small town so can't meet for coffee locally - so have to maybe drive a 80-90 km round trip to get there as well!
So in an odd way I appreciate it if they get to the real reason quickly :)

Which is why I won't meet anyone too soon - within 2-3 weeks - most can't be bothered keeping up the pretence for that long!

It's harder when they do keep the illusion of being a really 'nice guy' going for longer - because then you are tempted to meet - and feel somewhat disappointed.
But that's life and as they say you need to kiss a lot of frogs........
But luckily for me I rarely even HAVE to kiss them to realise they are just that - a frog :)

Actually I really like frogs - I just don't feel the urge to kiss any :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 2, 2012 9:34 AM

Weird, weirder and incomprehensible!!

It can often take me up to 8-10 tries to post a contribution. This morning, I opened the blogs and the "Your Comments" window opened; this has never happened before.

I have just posted a comment on this thread and it went through first try!!

Now I am getting really worried. If this aspect of the website's clunkiness has been fixed, perhaps the Mayan Calendar thing is right and the universe is about to evaporate!

Burntabit

Posted by: burntabit at January 2, 2012 9:22 AM

Having sent emails in the past and received no acknowledgement or reply, I now employ the suggestion that came from the blogs - send a 'would you be interested' message.

This gives the recipient the opportunity to reply at no cost; a reply in the negative saves me wasting a stamp. No reply is a good indicator that an email would have been wasted in any event.

I get streams of rather unhelpful profile suggestions from RSVP several times a week; whilst entertaining, the potential match of personalities is often nil.

Regarding recent activity, this comes up for me (RSViP) on any search; it tells me if the profile has been active within the last week. If not, it gives the date of last activity.

Burntabit

Posted by: burntabit at January 2, 2012 9:15 AM

Well Unique you are not alone with your thinking... When I get to the "here we go again" stage, I realise it is time for me to take a break and just enjoy being me. As for the loser (or in my case the totally not suitable person), well, I consider that without the meet I probably wouldn't have known that, so, it's about hour or so of my time that has been wisely invested into my future. Fortunately I have only had one such an encounter. Finally, it has taken me a long time to get comfortable with the fact that the majority of guys are looking for a "bonk" and that is ok as it just isn't going to be with me anytime in the immediate future. Once this has been established they are totally free (as always) to "move along" and some (bless them) do exactly that. Happy New Year everyone and may we all be blessed with meeting people who are perfect for us and our lifestyles. Enjoy!

Posted by: tinkerbelle57 at January 2, 2012 12:19 AM

Hi there Amberlightrose,
Just wanted to say you can buy one stamp..I do it, just log in on your phone and you can buy one stamp for about $13. I use this method cause I don't usually have heaps of people I want to contact only one or two that interest me....hope that helps

Posted by: farmer4me at January 1, 2012 11:36 PM

Hi SOSO,
I think you misunderstood me. I wasn't saying that they ARE cheap-skates - what I was saying is that if RSVP made stamps easier to buy - as in singly - so people could just spend a little at a time - then there would be no excuse for anyone NOT to contact someone, occasionally.
So this "email me" only bit would then look a trifle stingy.

I agree with you about not always being aware of people not having logged on for a long period of time - it has happened to me as well.
I also find that when you do a search ( I only have few in my local area to peruse as I live in a country town) that some people still come up in searches despite not having logged on for well over 9 months - which is wrong.
Surely if someone doesn't log on for 3-4 weeks RSVP could contact them and if no reply - hide their profile until they log back on again?

I even got sent matches in the past couple of days for people who on closely reading their profile - have not logged on for 3 weeks - which is starting to look like they may have simply given up for a while.
Sending an email to one of these people would result in it just being a complete waste of money - so I will once again turn matching off.

I think I have had more emails ignored than I have had responses - except from fellow bloggers - so I certainly empathise with everyone.
And this and/ or people simply ignoring an email - also leads to people feeling unhappy and "ripped off" as well.
So then they are even LESS likely to buy stamps!

I agree that as RSVP monitors people's reply rate - that if someone requests an email and then ignores it - and this happens a lot - then perhaps their profile could be 'frozen' for a while.
Or perhaps even more effective - the person's response rate could be included in their profile details in searches like their age, height is?
So people are aware the person is unlikely to respond and so they don't waste their stamps - and RSVP be asked for a refund.
But then of course it might then lead to people leaving which would then cost RSVP revenue.

Not sure what the answer is SOSO.

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 1, 2012 10:34 PM

Hi Amberlightrose,
You've brought up a topic I have approached RSVP about this week. It's not the freeloader complaint that you have; but about the number of members who DO NOT respond to an email.

I think that RSVP needs to indicate on profiles the LAST TIME that the person accessed their account. I sent my last stamp to someone whose profile I liked but I know that he didn't even look at my profile. There is every chance that he has found a partner but just not removed his profile. OR of course he could be one of those people that most of us complain about regularly, the one without the manners to just message back and say thanks for the email but I'm unavailable ... to you!

I also like the who's viewed you section ... I get to see some interesting profiles that I may have missed in a search. And it's quite funny sometimes to see who has looked at your profile ... funny and sweet as well.

I have one guy who has looked at my profile every 2 days for over a month but won't send me a kiss. I can't send him one as he doesn't allow kisses... and IF I get my last stamp back I will message him as I like his profile.

Re your calling non-stamp buyers cheapskates, that is just not the case for many of us. I have spent periods of time when I buy stamps, send emails and get many NON REPLIES ... and I also have times when I'm really busy or going overseas etc when I don't buy stamps. Many others would manage their accounts like me.

Don't forget RSVP is a business. If a profile is very attractive to men or women who then send emails, it's a win for RSVP, they don't care whether that person has stamps or not!

What I think RSVP needs to do is reimburse anyone who sends an email and doesn't receive a reply. And if certain members are guilty of continually ignoring emails from others, then they should have either a stamp deducted from their cache or even better have one of their stamps transferred back to the person they rudely ignored.
Regards and Happy New Year to all.
SOSO

Posted by: sososophy at January 1, 2012 8:09 PM

I need to follow my instructions now.. I have been getting enough signs of what I am not meant to be doing.. about time I started listening///Amber I just did the longest blog in answer to yours .. agreeing with you and thank you and the damned thing got wiped out by some stupid add on page telling me they couldn't display.. I cannot repeat it.. obviously not meant to be... Good luck everyone.........the beginning of this was supposed to be at the end.. Another sign ...Love to you all BB12 xxx

Posted by: bluebutterfly12 at January 1, 2012 6:33 PM

Not sure where to put this one.

Now I am thinking of giving RSVP 'a go' again rather than simply blogging only - I have been rather taken aback by the numbers of male profiles I have come across which state: "contact me". "email me", "chat with me", "text me", etc, etc.
On doing a quick search of women - I find this is quite commonplace too.

So are these people basically saying that they are NEVER going to buy stamps?
That it is up to the other person to 'spend' if the want to have the 'privilege' of contacting them?
So why bother with a site like RSVP at all?

As I have stated previously - I view on-line dating as a bit like a lottery.
The odds of me finding someone who thinks I am wonderful - and who I think is wonderful - are really pretty low despite the 600+ profiles that pop up if I search within 100 km of where I live.
If I search within 50 km (a more realistic and sustainable distance for me) I end up with around 175 - many of whom haven't been on for months - so one presumes they have lost interest or moved somewhere else.

The thing is I LIKE RSVP because I don't get annoyed continuously by creepy guys like I have in the past on the free dating sites.
I really haven't got the time or interest in fobbing off dozens of guys who are really only approaching me for free sex - they are not likely to come on RSVP too often because they are not about to spend THEIR money for a 'hook up' they could get for free some where else.

The same technology that is used to allow people to see the people that have viewed them over the past 21 days for ?$15 per month - is the same technology that allows us to contact someone when we spend a stamp.
Personally I can't be bothered with RSViP - why do I want to see all the people who have viewed me anyway?
Surely it is only those who actually contact me who are important?

So if the same or similar technology is used - then why can't RSVP allow us to buy one stamp when we want to?
As I view RSVP similarly to X-Lotto - then like I buy my weekly/fortnightly lotto ticket (and can even use eftpos ) why cant buy a weekly/fortnightly 'stamp' - and have a 'punt' on 'love' too?

I know we have all brought this up ad nauseum in the past - but wouldn't allowing an option for one stamp (or two with a months expiry date) mean that all these 'contact me' people would be exposed for the cheap-skates they really are?
Especially if they can't spend the odd say $12.50 to contact someone every now and again?

I mean how much does it cost RSVP to maintain a huge data base of people who never intend on spending any money at all?
And surely if they have all the members they say they have - if say 30% of people bought one stamp say every week or fortnight - it would mean more money turning over than if 10% buy a book of six every couple of months?

If they allowed this - then surely if someone hadn't bothered to buy ANY stamps in 12 months - RSVP could then simply delete them off their system - just keeping their details archived in case they re-join?

Surely this 'weeding' out of the free-loaders - would then also save RSVP time and money managing a huge database of people who have no intention of spending money anyway and who are in reality just wasting the time and money of those people who ARE genuinely seeking?
And in viewing RSVP more like a lottery than a certainty by buying one or two stamps at a time - then less people would complain or feel 'ripped off'? And so pretty cranky?

Just some thoughts as I contemplate buying some stamps and placing another few 'bets' :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 1, 2012 11:32 AM

Here we go again - to me was frustration lol. How tiring was it to shower get ready do the hair makeup put on the sexy nickers heels etc etc

Is THIS one going to be the one? For me was just ridiculous. More like is THIS one going to tell me his life history or ask questions because he's there to get to know ME better

All these guys want is a bonk - for me was unfair, negative, tarring every male with the same brush

even though we know its true

Hahaha

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 31, 2011 8:33 AM

Hi, ooouniqueooo.
I would not call those comments negative from a woman's point of view. To me, using that viewpoint (at least as much as a mere male is able) they sound like valid assessments and simple survival thinking.

NEVER ignore that female intuition.

Just my 0.2.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 28, 2011 5:25 PM

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 27, 2011 4:22 PM Is it negative to think ...

From personal experience that just sounds like human nature and yes I have had all those thoughts and more and apart from not finding 'the one' (yet) I have usually been right.

Happy new year to all.
tohrh

Posted by: theotherhotredhead at December 28, 2011 1:13 PM

Is it negative to think

"Oh here we go AGAIN -another loser"

Or

"Is THIS one gonna be THE ONE"?

Or

"All there guys want is a Bonk

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 27, 2011 4:22 PM

thanks peaceful,
correctamundo!

Posted by: kisskat65 at December 27, 2011 7:18 AM

Hi, Kisskat65.
Welkum too ther blogs. I see you have been 'active' during the last couple of days. Good stuff.

Re the self-analysis - a LOT of people could benefit themselves if they did a tad more self-analysis ALL the time instead of just after some emotional trauma.

IF people did a little more self-analysis on a regular basis, it could help them be aware of issues BEFORE they get to be big and perhaps sort them out instaed of having blow up into relationship killers. Or maybe they would become relationship killers earlier, which may be less painful than letting them fester for a while.

Just my 0.02.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 26, 2011 9:25 PM

ive met people with some (or all!) of those negative traits. to me it is just a sign theyre not ready to move on. just cos youve split up with someone doesnt make you ready to date. theres a lot of self analysis and time required on your own before you are truly ready to get out there again.

Posted by: kisskat65 at December 26, 2011 8:19 AM

Hi all you beautiful bloggers.. Christmas lies in our hearts.. not just for this one day of the year ;; but for every day... every precious moment of every day... My Love to You All xxx BB12... Light a candle and shine your Lights so brightly....my thoughts are with you all..........

Posted by: bluebutterfly12 at December 24, 2011 10:55 PM

Hi, ooouniqueooo.
Well put. (Now just exactly where is it?????)

You hava wunnderfull Christmas Day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 24, 2011 8:44 PM

I believe that while opposites attract, there is a universal force that pulls us toward people with similar mind sets

It is a pity that we sometimes make judgements about people who might otherwise be one of the MANY we could have happiness with

My mindset is such that no matter who I meet, there is something I can learn about my SELF.

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 24, 2011 8:19 AM

So So,

Given how serious this could be, this is a good idea. The moderator/s have posted (in the last couple of days) notification of their intention to more closely scrutinize the blogs. Indeed, they have just censored something that Big Man posted today.

I will support you in this. Magnet has just posted that she has received and can identify these most undesireable people.

Do please go ahead.

Burntabit

(Attempt Number 5. Clunk clunk clunk)

Posted by: burntabit at December 23, 2011 7:13 PM

Hi Burntabit
I put the list together from my experiences on RSVP. I found ALL of them more than willing to send the first email or chat.

I guess the cost of one email is a small price to pay if they hope to con or scam you for lots more once they get to know you.

Maybe we should out scammer profiles on our blogs. I know it took RSVP more than 5 days to close one I reported (with a copy of the emails) and I had to send 2 emails before they took action.
Regards SO SO

Posted by: sososophy at December 23, 2011 6:39 PM

I get about 4 per month Burntabit, following the guidelines that SoSo has mentioned and I believe it is as prevalent for the men but men do not talk about it as much for fear of seeming silly for falling for it when they do. If sent a kiss by this sort of profile the quickest way is to say yes, then they send the "Coffee kiss" so then you say waiting for your email again and they go away [or I then report them] They will hardly ever send the 1st email but it has happened. The term that SoSo was talking about with God is "God Fearing" which is a typically non Australian way of talking. They also tend to leave out small joining words and plurals etc, no gaps or paragraphs and ALWAYS very generic or NO Interests. The text is always focused on Love and Romance and feelings with no hard facts.
Again together we can reduce this I hope.
Magnet

Posted by: msmagnet11 at December 23, 2011 3:54 PM

So So,

Did you glean all of that from the RSVP website? If so, the next question has to be how prevelant is this?

And I wonder if it also runs the other way. I have had 'kisses' from some very young women and can only wonder why. I have not looked at their profiles because they appeared to be so very inappropriate but I certainly will in future.

In any event, thank you for taking the time to put these details together.

Burntabit

Posted by: burntabit at December 23, 2011 9:08 AM

Yes Big, did have that happen to me once also, a long time back, where they were suddenly there, with no knowledge of me ever having seen or responded to the kiss. I took it that they had been caught before there was even a chance of me responding or the kiss had reached my inbox. Why they suddenly appear is anyone's guess. Had one the other day that was inactive before I got to respond though that one does not show that the profile is under review so can assume lots of scenarios there. Don't really know what else could be the answer.
I did really get what you were saying Big but am a tad tired so it sort of got lost in the translation to what I posted.
Well I am wearing thin so I am off to bed. Does this make you feel better Big?, that you are not alone....haha
Magnet

Posted by: msmagnet11 at December 22, 2011 11:57 PM

Scammer Profile

Usually WIDOWERS. This comes with a tragic story to pull at your heart strings. (Apologies to those real men who have genuinely lost their wives)

Usually have a CHILD. Gives them an excuse to get off phone quickly, break arrangements, concoct another tragic story etc etc

Usually ENGINEERS/geologists/business owners... opportunity here for the oil/gold/mineral mine story to interest you in INVESTMENT!!!

Often say they're AMERICAN or multi-ethnic... allows them to have non OZ accents even though they claim to live in Australia.

ALWAYS put an age range up to 70... they are happy to scam young and old alike.

Always want your PERSONAL EMAIL immediately.

Usually give you a VOIP phone number, no mobile or home phones.

Often quite GOOD-LOOKING but rarely with more than the ONE PHOTO on their profile, although I did have one who had 2 photos that were obviously different men!

Usually CONTRADICTORY information in their profiles.. one I read today said that he was so sincere that he could not say he measured 6' on his profile because he's only 5'11 but on his vital stats he listed himself as 6'3. I know lying makes your nose grow.. but your legs too??

Always writes VERY LONG emails at first that cover their entire life, their journeys from country to country, the tragedies etc etc

Often mention GOD.

Can be easily found out. Just suggest a coffee after work tomorrow.. and watch them run.

Now this profile is for the male scammers with middle-aged women as their target.

Hope this helps and hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and New Year.

Posted by: sososophy at December 22, 2011 11:07 PM

Hey People,

They may not all be scammers - I was one of them for 24 hours and I'm not even sure what kind of scamming you could do on RSVP.

Big - I don't care how frustrated you are, you've been blogging long enough to know that SHOUTING DOESN'T HELP!!!

cheers,
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at December 22, 2011 9:59 PM

And here I was thinking that only women are drama queens bigman! lol

Posted by: singlejoy at December 22, 2011 8:28 PM

Hi MissM...I would love to catch up when in Melbourne. Will let you know when. It will probably be sometime after the worst of the cyclone season here, but before it gets cold! Take care. And that goes for other bloggers here who live in Melbourne. Cheers to all. And MrBigman, just don't sweat the small stuff. Get on with the study, and stay positive about the RSVP probs. Good searching. Onwards and upwards.

Posted by: singlejoy at December 22, 2011 7:00 PM

magnet, I know they're scammers but it appears, again, I haven't explained my self properly. Or at least well enough to get my message across and have my original question answered.

These 30 odd profiles appeared totally 'out-of-the-blue' one day last week. Suddenly my member management viewed profiles for the month increased exponentially. Some of these scams were supposedly received as far back as March and April and all the way up to Nov. They had not appeared at any time other than last week.

So, I will repeat and use capitals to emphasise, vent my frustration and SHOUT!!!! HAS IT HAPPENED TO ANYONE ELSE?

A very, frustrated big!!

Posted by: thebigman9 at December 22, 2011 4:06 PM

Singlejoy, have just noted your comment on coming to Melb next yr so please get in touch thru our mutual friend and let me know when that is to be. Would love to catch up, if you want to of course.
Big and others, as Sosophy says, they are purely scammers if their profile says Inactive and when you click on the kiss it says "Under review". If it takes you to their account and says they are hidden then they are just that or it will say no longer a member [ which may be one of many possibilities] I have mentioned this before and I thought I had told you Big, but no problem repeating it for the readers that may be new or inexperienced. As Sophy says, I have become adept at picking them and agree, would be nice to be paid but feel that at least we are saving another from getting scammed if we report them so go ahead, report any that seem obvious and RSVP will make the decision inevitably.
Even though I haven't been posting much I have been reading. So to all may I add my wishes of Merry Christmas, I hope God brings you all you need and want and keeps you safe till we all get back to everyday affairs and from then on too. Have a great New Year and best of luck in finding a new love.
Magnet

Posted by: msmagnet11 at December 22, 2011 1:42 PM

Happy Christmas SJ,
Wishing you lots of happiness and good Christmas cheer.
Have fun at your daughter's. Hope things keep going strong now, next year and into the future :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at December 22, 2011 12:49 AM

Hi Bigman Re the user's profile is under review ...... this is often used when scammers, multiple profilers etc have been reported to rsvp.

I know cause I've had my share of them but I'm becoming quite adept at identifying them.

I almost feel like offering my services to rsvp (for a fee of course) but I doubt whether they would be interested.

Posted by: sososophy at December 21, 2011 10:15 PM

Hey big, the only ones you need to worry about are the positive ones!
While I'm here, I'd like to wish you all a very happy and safe holiday time. Enjoy whatever you are doing, and hopefully you are all sharing some time with family or friends. I am spending my Christmas with daughter this year, as the 'traveling man' is down in Mebourne after being in Canberra for work meetings. I am definately going down to Melbourne next year myself. Not been there for six years, and I have friends and relatives there. My heart will always be fond of my home town! Take care.

Posted by: singlejoy at December 21, 2011 6:23 PM

To burntabit, lltd, barb and our unique one. I guess I didn't explain myself properly.

I didn't know about these 'phantom' kisses because they'd never appeared in my Inbox until last week! Yes, I've had, and received, kisses and the odd email, where the sender/recipient has gone Inactive almost immediately but these are different.

They just appeared one day out-of-the-blue as having been sent to me over the past 8 months. This is the wording from RSVP if I click on their profile name.

"Sorry!
This user's profile is currently under review by RSVP Customer Support. All communication can not be viewed until the review process is complete. We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause".

A mystery not unlike what goes on in a woman's mind!!!!

Posted by: thebigman9 at December 21, 2011 5:48 PM

Its probably safe to say that everyone has experienced this disappearing act.

I don't bothering with wondering why. Don't see the point really..

NEXT!

I delete everyone anyone. Like to have an empty inbox

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 21, 2011 1:16 PM

Oh yes, Burnabit & Big I get kisses and emails from gents who then go inactive, so I cannot access the profile. I was scratching my head too.

Posted by: ladylikestodance at December 21, 2011 8:47 AM

Ha! So it's your fault!

Posted by: barbaraw at December 20, 2011 12:52 PM

Big 9,

I am considerably surprised at this number! How did these women make contact? Kiss, email? How did you establish that RSVP had chopped them as distinct from making themselves inactive?

I have been contacted by a few much younger women via kisses - very much younger, in fact - but I have simply responded with "thanks but no thanks". I have not looked at their profiles, not then and not later, so I would not know if they disappeared soon after. Fuller detail of your experiences in this would be very interesting.

And, have any of our women correspondents had the reverse happen - contact from men who then disappear?

The big question, of course, is why.

Burntabit

Posted by: burntabit at December 20, 2011 10:59 AM

Hey gang, I wasn't sure where to post this comment so I put it here because it's the closest topic to my subject.

I've just been going through my files and I note that, according to the boffins at RSVP HQ, 31, yes count them, 31 profiles of women who purportedly contacted me from March until Nov this year, have been suspended and made Inactive by HQ! Now, before you can say slut, I'd like to know if the same phenomena has happened to others?

I have absolutely no idea who any of them are!

Suggestions, answers, ridicule are welcomed Okay, maybe not the ridicule, I already get enough of that from my kids and you lot!

On with the search!

Posted by: thebigman9 at December 19, 2011 8:01 PM

Hi Peaceful,
Yep doing okay - but I think I am going to be even more 'loopy' by the time I am fully recovered.
Not being able to do much is already driving me mad :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at December 19, 2011 11:40 AM

Hi, Amberlightrose.
How is the recovery going/ All well, I hope.

The first time that somebody didn't reply to one of my e-mails, I was a little annoyed - - - - - - - - for all of about a minute. It took that long for me to realise - slow learner that I am - that by not responding, this person was telling me things about themselves that I suspect they would rather I did not know.

Wot's moor, I seriously doubt that these people ever realise that are telling these things to the people to whom they don't resnd - - - - - - - IF those people will but 'listen'. That lack of realisation in itself does not indicate an overwhelming supply of 'smarts'.

Would you REALLY want such a person for YOUR partner? My own thought these days is, "Let them be the partner of somebody who deserves them."

Just my 0.02.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 18, 2011 7:52 AM

Posted by: theotherhotredhead at December 14, 2011 7:39 PM

Yes most of us understand and identify with your feelings Theotherhotredhead :)

I think for some people collecting kisses and emails are the cyber-land equivalent of 'notches on the bed post'. It boosts their ego - with no risk to them emotionally, financially or physically at all.
They feel good but you feel crap!

But Unique is right of course.
We don't ring the lotteries commission or the TAB if our numbers don't come up or our horse/ football team doesn't win - and I tend to look at RSVP as being a lot like that.
Although in saying that - we at least expect our racehorse/football team would be TRYING to win :)

I had never realised until Magnet said something recently, that we COULD report someone for this shabby behaviour.
So it's probably good that you did this - because no doubt RSVP would want to know - especially in the case of serial offenders - because it can stop people buying stamps.

But then do we want people to pretend to be who they are not merely to avoid penalty?
Personally I would rather know how someone treats those they do not consider to be of use to them, before I bothered to waste my time emailing or meeting them :)

Ignoring people you consider beneath you or not to be of any use to you - indicates some pretty nasty and unkind personality traits of which I would much rather be aware of :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at December 16, 2011 1:30 PM

To ooouniqueooo thanks I have moved on I just wanted to vent but I think that expecting at the very least consideration, after all are we not all in the same boat, should not be expecting too much!

and to thebigman thank you I have just done that.

Posted by: theotherhotredhead at December 15, 2011 10:40 PM

theotherhotredhead, report him. Just go the More Actions button and send a report that he didn't reply to your email. I'm not exactly sure what happens with that information but I suspect your stamp may be refunded and the offending person may receive some form of inquiry from RSVP.

No singlejoy, not yet, just enjoying myself reading and commenting in between assignments.

I see the sweetmiNx has returned!!

That may be so barb, but the word I used was sapiosexuLaity although lltd is certainly full of wisdom. And my comment about showing me the error was a compliment as I certainly didn't mean the unintended pun. Yes I got it.

Nuances indeed my wingwoman/co-driver! Such attributes are rarely prescribed to ones such as yourself. You're as subtle as a kick to the gonads!!!

Posted by: thebigman9 at December 15, 2011 9:07 AM

LLTD: Harrison Ford....force myself...I don't think so! Ha, ha, ha, ha!!!

M xxx

Posted by: margie284 at December 15, 2011 7:30 AM

The other red hot head

Happens to everyone. Frustrating, but its a risk we take when we're interested enough to send an email.

The best way to handle it is not to expect anything. After doing exactly what you did, this approach has worked for me.

One guy asked me why I wasted a stamp on him lol. My reply was "Because I was interested"? LOL Its logic that some people appear to have difficulty with.

My thoughts are life is too short to stress about that stuff. He ain't interested. Move on.

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 15, 2011 6:31 AM

Ok I had to look that one up vicissitude.. = change of luck or circumstances...smiles... I never miss an opportunity to learn the meaning of a word I have not heard of before..I was actually talking to an american friend of mine today and he had not heard of the word "imbibe"..I could not believe that so I taught him a new word today lol and he is quite the wordsmith ...

Bigman I think that could be quite difficult taking you to task lol Now the kama sutra and tantra..THAT I can handle lol!!

Sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at December 14, 2011 11:00 PM

Hey bigman, you been into the Xmas cheer already? Get your head back to study, and you can be silly later on!

Posted by: singlejoy at December 14, 2011 10:11 PM

I have been reading the blogs for a while now and put in a couple of comments but now I have a real gripe so here goes. This really annoys me, it has happend to me once before and I know it must happen to others, men and women. I send a kiss, he says he is interested, I send and email, he doesn't reply, two weeks later I politley ask him if he has changed his mind and let him know thats ok but he should tell me that. He reads the email and still no reply. A week later I send another email, this time not so polite and thank him for wasting my time and stamp. He is still active in the ACT.

Posted by: theotherhotredhead at December 14, 2011 7:39 PM

Bigman,
No, sapiosexuality is a (fantastic) word invented by a person with much sapience!

Vicissitude was a favourite word of my late Dad. He was the same person who, whenever I asked "what does that word mean?" would refuse to enlighten me and point to the dictionary. Get the hint?

Cheers,
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at December 14, 2011 5:30 PM

Hey Big, I'm impressed, good to see you are broadening your mind, and embracing lexophilia.

Welcome to the dark side, heheheh...
"May the force be with you - force yourself" Harrison Ford.

Posted by: ladylikestodance at December 14, 2011 5:06 PM

Point 1 has become my mantra for dating! Don't take it personally and it's a numbers game. The more people you meet the more likely you are to meet someone awesome enough to spend lots of time with! I have been meeting lots of people. There are a couple who I consider to be "relationship material" who I am slowly getting to know and there have been/are a few who are just for immediate fun. If I'm even remotely interested in someone, I send a kiss and follow up with an email if I get a positive response - see where it goes!

Posted by: missdragon8 at December 14, 2011 4:43 PM

Hey barb, what's a vicissitude? Is that like lltd's sapiosexulaity? Or are we talking about new Kama Sutra positions here? Tantra perhaps? Hey, big guy, calm down, take a chill pill yourself before the sweetmiNx takes you to task!!!

Posted by: thebigman9 at December 14, 2011 2:11 PM

Nah, Peaceful, it wasn't that good. I did post a mild criticism of the triple post but they decided not to put that one in! In which case, I'm probably wasting my time writing this one!
Oh, the vicissitudes of blogging!

cheers
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at December 14, 2011 11:24 AM

Gee, BarbaraW, that quote musta made some impression on you for you to post it THREE times.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacesixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 13, 2011 10:26 PM

"Keep people in your life who truly love you, motivate you, inspire you, encourage you, enhance you, make you happy.

If you have people who do NONE of the above, let them go......"

courtesy of MorningCoach.com

Posted by: barbaraw at December 13, 2011 12:04 AM

"Keep people in your life who truly love you, motivate you, inspire you, encourage you, enhance you, make you happy.

If you have people who do NONE of the above, let them go......"

courtesy of MorningCoach.com

Posted by: barbaraw at December 13, 2011 12:04 AM

"Keep people in your life who truly love you, motivate you, inspire you, encourage you, enhance you, make you happy.

If you have people who do NONE of the above, let them go......"

courtesy of MorningCoach.com

Posted by: barbaraw at December 12, 2011 11:45 PM

You peace maker you lol

Let me just get on my trusty soap box. for another sermon

kidding lol

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 12, 2011 5:03 PM

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 11, 2011 8:22 PM

I was personally wishing everyone Christmas good wishes and peace to all... I don't think that means I was speaking for all the other chatters ..smiles...was speaking for myself in sending out the wishes.. :)

sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at December 12, 2011 3:13 PM

Sweet mix I agree but it is also important for EVERYONE to express how they feel :-) THEIR WAY.

I have done this consistently MY way
If people don't like it, so be it

Not good to bottle things up and hold grudges. Not good to take things personally either. But it happens. And I would rather people be honest.

Whatever

Glad you responded and got that all off your chest.

Let the "other bloggers" speak for themselves

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 11, 2011 8:22 PM

Hi, Sweetlillee.
Well, you have certainly cleared the air with your latest post. Thank you.

Personally, I see myself as being on a journey with a never-ending quest - - at least until I kark it and the journey ends.

It is pretty much impossible to go through day-to-day life in our society without making some judgements and assessments about those with whom we come in contact. These judgements and assessments help us to survive and - hopefully - stay sane, loving and at peace in an apparently increasingly un-peaceful world. As I see it, it is the nature of these judgements and assessments that is important rather than the fact of them.

For myself, when I see somebody doing something that some might say is WRONG, I try (not always successfully) to see it as something that I would choose not to do. If I meet someone whose attitude and general demeanor are not very pleasant or sociable, I simply choose to spend as little time as I can possibly manage in that person's company. In both cases, I respect the person's right to do what they have done or be the way they are. I just choose to live my life by a different - hopefully, higher - standard.

Just my 0.02.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 11, 2011 7:31 PM

Christmas is here folks..time for goodwill and peace to all..smiles...sweetmix hugs to all....:)

Sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at December 11, 2011 2:31 PM

Hi Peaceful :)
Honestly .. (and I always am so not sure why I felt the need to qualify that but anyway).. I think we may probably live our lives with quite a similer mindset. Yours seems to be a journey with an intended destination, mine simply me being who I am.
I am probably the least judgemental person you could ever meet and so perhaps I took offence at your description of "unconditional love" because you explain it as reacting being judging and I choose not to agree with that particular theory. To me reacting is being human.
I wasnt having trouble understanding your concept of unconditional love I merely stated it made little sense to me. (ok so perhaps I see why you think I didnt understand) but if I wanted clarification have no doubt I would have asked for it.
Judging by the amount of peeps who have popped in and had a peek at my profile since I posted that last comment Im thinking perhaps it came accross as a little inflammatory and I do apologise for that.. and Dave sorry if that rubs you up the wrong way but I say sorry for no other reason than I acknowledge that occasionally I can be a little hasty in speaking my mind and as you correctly state probably should think before I speak but .. such is life .. that is who I am and that is something I will NEVER apologise for. :)

Love Laugh Live xx

Posted by: sweeetlillee at December 11, 2011 9:49 AM

Can't speak for Margie as I don't know her either but personally I and a number of others are sick are your "Do this, do that attitude". When you first joined I thought (and still do) your profile was honest and upfront and commented per the blogs.

Since then, you have constantly berated people for having feelings (ie. rejection, nerves, negative mindset) and on one post even told people who felt that way they 'shouldn't be here".

The blogs were a medium for RSVP members to air their feelings, have a whinge, talk about their experiences and more often than not be helped by other bloggers to feel a lot better as they realised they were not the only ones who didn't get responses, the people they liked didn't like them and vice versa, etcetera. As others who are also on RSVP are going through the same types of things it was just re-assurance that it was general - so tended to make it a lot less 'personal'.

As for your comment of "I don't suck up" - yeah right - you are constantly praising 'John', constantly putting in posts of "Oh ??????????? (put in name, any name as there has been quite a number of them) I love you".

Occasionally you do have some good points but the majority is absolute crap, eg: post from November 30 where you stated this was not the site for you as your dream man had not found you blah, blah, blah now you're stating the exact opposite, Contrary to your own beliefs, you are not the expert at the singles scene. Some of us are a little more fussy and realistic (not to mention been at this a lot longer) than to go on 6 dates in 7 days. That's not looking for a long term relationship that's just strangers to have coffee or a meal with. I'm sure you could do the same sitting in a cafe (pick up strangers).

You constantly contradict yourself (even within the same post sometimes) and as you are such an expert at everything why the hell do you even need to be here? You are in such control of your own life I would have thought RSVP superfluous for you as, as wonderwoman who doesn't ever feel rejected, never has negative feelings, has suddenly gone from 10 years of celibacy and 'not liking sex' to loving it, again blah blah blah.

I have no wish to bicker with you - as you stated "i don't know you from a bar of soap' but that works both ways - you don't know me or everyone on this site. You do not know their personal situations, whether they have support from others when they dare to feel rejected, negative. We are not all as hard as you. So why not just join in the conversations instead of going on and on telling people how inadequate they are for having any feelings?

I'm glad you are having a good time here and hope you have a nice Christmas and New Year but please just try to remember not everyone is as confident as you.

Whatever xo

Posted by: whateveritmeans at December 11, 2011 6:39 AM

Hi, Daveshere.
I don't suppose that you would care to be a little more specific rather than just throwing the comments out there and leaving folks wondering if you might be referring to any particular post?

I am curious and always ready to learn.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 10, 2011 8:50 PM

Being only a short term blogger (not here long) - one observation i have noticed is that some persons here seem to make rash statements/blog entries with little or no thought about others feelings and generally not very helpful - as with emails or chat (in the main game) expression, humour, smiling, laughing, emotion is very hard to convey - especially "tongue in cheek" comments, which obviously get taken the wrong way or an assumed meaning that is not intended.

Personally i very rarely say sorry/apologise for something i have said or done - i don't pretend/claim to be perfect but i do THINK before i make a statement,
MY OPINION is that sorry is used too freely - it is cheap - it is too easy to "shoot your mouth off" knowing that if offence is taken - "i'll just say sorry" not good enough for me a bit of forethought and you wouldn't have said it in the first place.
cheers
dave

Posted by: daveshere at December 10, 2011 6:04 PM

i, Bunrtabit.
Quote:
"The anthropomorphism attributed to the domestic dog is not helpful in this matter."
Unquote.

Well, like humans, they are pack animals the alpha male rules the pack and the alpha female deterimines just how much sex he will get and when. LOL.

Just my 0.02.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 10, 2011 10:48 AM

Life is far too short for a negative mindset

Margie & Whatever.

Whatever it is about me that annoys you, let it go already. You don't know me from a bar of soap yet have called me from"anything but real" and suspected me of working for RSVP amongst other things. All of which I have ignored.

It is your own refusal to accept me AS I AM from the start that has caused this rift. You claim that you shouldn't have to think or behave the way anyone wants you to, yet you tried to tell me how I should behave when I start posting.?

I have ignored your insinuations and accusations because they have been your perceptions. Consider that perhaps your offense goes deeper than me asking you to accept that I use capitals to EMPHASISE words. Come on ladies. Really???

If you don't like me, you don't like me and I AM fine with that. Your disapproval of and/or misinformed opinion of me is simply that!
I didn't come on here to be best friends with anyone or suck up to anyone or "behave" myself.

It seems that rather than let things go, you both choose to hang on to grudges.

Dont sweat the small stuff.

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 10, 2011 8:24 AM

Hi, Margie284 and Sweetlillee.
You are quite welcome to not like my post on unconditional love or the dog analogy. None of what I said was specifically aimed at either of you or at anybody else on this blog. You both appeared to have trouble understanding the concept so I explained it as simply as I could.

With regard to judging, there is a saying that forgiveness is absolutely unnecessary - unless a judgement has first been made that somebody has done something wrong.

You both have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 9, 2011 9:30 PM

Well said margie and Barbaraw!!!!! Ditto!!
Whatever xo

Posted by: whateveritmeans at December 9, 2011 8:29 PM

If dating isn't personal, what the hell is it? If we are seriously looking for a relationship, then it can't be anything other than personal can it? If our self-esteem is intact, then we will survive the disappointments. Same as anything in life. But personally, I take dating very personally.

Posted by: singlejoy at December 9, 2011 8:24 PM

Margie - and this IS personal - with you on all points m'dear.
cheers,
barb

Posted by: barbaraw at December 9, 2011 7:34 PM

oooU: The unfriendliness you display toward me is disappointing and could, quite possibly, be perceived as bullying by other people. It is most definitely an interference to other bloggers, I'm told. Addressing a post with my username is certainly something to consider personal...it's addressed to me. This being the case......

Big, I agree with Stephen as well. I thought at first you were joking Foodie....maybe?. I have to say that sometimes the stuff submitted makes interesting reading, but yes, that piece was a little creepy in that context.

M xxx

Posted by: margie284 at December 9, 2011 5:48 PM

Margie

I'm glad you agree that everyone is different. And there is no need to take things personally. Peaceful speaks in general to EVERYONE. So do I.

You question the way we think and where there is a question, there usually follows an explanation.

Anything ANYONE says here is open to interpretation and only makes for extended discussion

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 9, 2011 12:42 PM

Wholeheartedly agree stephen. Very creepy and totally unrealistic except when you are in a full-time, long-term relationship. And even then I'd be surprised if the weight loss became an issue. Aren't we supposed to take each other 'for better or worse?'

Posted by: thebigman9 at December 9, 2011 11:21 AM

burntabit Dec.8 5.23pm Spot on, as usual. Stephen I agree, of course it's personal, no one is suggesting that a rejection is an excuse to wallow in self pity but we are human/huwoman and if we are doing this RS dating with honesty & integrity & with the intention of possibly meeting our 'one true love' then of course there will be a bit of hurt or whatever.
There seems to be heaps of cyber space 'dating' sites out there for those that are not wanting a long term relationship so I don't know what the they are doing on here. Luv on ya, semi

Posted by: musicmal at December 9, 2011 9:50 AM

:)... Margie perhaps a "lecture", perhaps a serman .. I can't decide.
But (I apologise if this offends Peaceful) I deffinately felt judged and patronised.
I assumed nothing regarding you personally Peaceful.
You however have made a judgement on me and then taken it upon yourself to enlighten and educate. I didnt say I didnt understand what you were meant I just said it made little sense to me. :)
I also struggled with the analogy (which btw I didnt ask for). "Dog and master" "unconditional love"? Or a dog knowing its place and knowing it is at the mercy of this superior species for survival therefore MUST always play nice or suffer the consequences.
Peaceful.. I wish you well in your journey for peace, calm and tranquility.
Me? I want emotion and passion in my life with all the reactions positive and negative that experiencing these bring.

You have a wonderful day now.

SWEETlillee :)

Posted by: sweeetlillee at December 9, 2011 9:31 AM

Posted by: foodieatheart at November 25, 2011 6:03 AM

foodieatheart : Quote "Don't take dating personally." End Quote.

Me: I always do - It is personal.

foodieatheart : Quote "Buy her a seductive matching bra, undies and suspender set one size smaller than she is. Complement her; tell her that she is gorgeous now, but she will be the Goddess Venus wearing the new outfit".

foodieatheart : Quote "Eventually; she will tell you that she wants to loose a few kilos. Invite her around to your home and cook her weight loss meals. Buy her a seductive matching bra, undies and suspender set one size smaller than she is. Complement her; tell her that she is gorgeous now, but she will be the Goddess Venus wearing the new outfit." End quote.

Me: That sounds creepy (But maybe thats just Me)

foodieatheart : Quote "Never try to seduce a woman; read her body language and let her make the first move. Being her idea, she will be more relaxed; and compliment her how radiate she looks after the deed is completed. She will let go of the past, and there will be no negative talk. She will be too busy looking forward and planning the next bedroom therapy session." End quote.

Me: I found that whole blog Creepy.

Again, maybe It is a personality failing I have. Sorry about that.

Regards - Stephen.

Posted by: stephen54 at December 9, 2011 12:49 AM

Hi Dave,
I have found that if I make decisions that I know are right, even if I suffer as a consequence, somehow things work out for the best all round. I've taken risks in my life that my intuition has prompted me to and as my sister tells me; I always seem to land on my feet. I think life is about getting to know ourselves and working in harmony with ourselves through our gut instincts, and with those around us. It's like a huge organic system. That's why when it comes to dating I don't get hung up about it. I take it easy and enjoy each meeting. Each day is a new day.
Peaceful, I love your dog analogy!

Posted by: bizzygurl at December 8, 2011 10:12 PM

The anthropomorphism attributed to the domestic dog is not helpful in this matter.

The dog is not showing unconditional anything; it is programmed over millions of years to make itself subservient to whatever Aplha male it finds. The programming is so deep that will accept a human in this role. Unfortunately, most human males interpret this as being worshipped, thus reinforcing their inherent god complex.

Unconditional love is an interesting concept but it strikes me as a considerable stretch to try to apply it as a basic tenent to RSVP.

Burntabit

Posted by: burntabit at December 8, 2011 5:23 PM

ooo: Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 7, 2011 10:28 AM ...."I know nothing of your background or accomplishments"...so it's probably not a good idea to assume that I'm talking about you, me or anyone in particular and Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 8, 2011 10:31 AM ...."We are all free to do whatever we like, Free to ask whatever we want, Free to feel whatever we feel, Free to express whatever we wish to etc, As adults"...which is what I did. So what's with the lectures guys, am I not conforming to your way of thinking?

Again, everyone is different. One way of dealing with well...any issue...doesn't suit everyone, nor does panadol.

M

Posted by: margie284 at December 8, 2011 4:47 PM

Dave

I know you are not a selfish man and that you are very giving. Your profile oozes of it PLUS

You play basketball!!! :-)

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 8, 2011 3:29 PM

ooouniqueooo at December 8, 2011 8:18 AM

Not necessarily, i once advised a farm owner to sell or lease out his property because it was the right thing to do for him & the property - it meant as farm manager i lost my job - (effectively sacked myself, with no job to go to) - but it was the right thing to do. - not putting myself in their league but Gorbachov (cant remember the spelling) split up USSR because it was the right thing to do (his position became non existent) - another one was Nelson Mandela - sorry cant agree, Not all of us only do what's "best for US"
cheers
dave

Posted by: daveshere at December 8, 2011 1:05 PM

Margie

We are all free to do whatever we like

Free to ask whatever we want

Free to feel whatever we feel

Free to express whatever we wish to etc

As adults

You will not find me taking anything personally. Rather you will find me stating it as it is and observing and sharing

oh. And laughing and having fun. Enjoying

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 8, 2011 10:31 AM

Hi, Margie284 and Sweetlillee.
As ooouniqueooo said, the unconditional love to which she alluded and of which I spoke, is on another plane altogether from the common or garden 'romantic' love, the love of parents for children and vice versa, the love (like cat and dog???) between siblings and etc..

If you want an analogy somewhere a bit closer than our everyday human world that you can observe fairly easily - AND without being criticised for intuding into privacy - watch a dog greeting its master or mistress as they come home. The master/mistress may have chastised the dog earlier for something but does that affect the dog's welcoming of them? NOT AT ALL.

Now you might say that the dog does not have human emotions and you would be right, to a certain extent. BUT, there is something else that it does not have, JUDGEMENT. The dog lives IN THE MOMENT. What may have happened earlier is gone, no longer important. Past 'unpleasantries' are forgotten. Its love is NOW.

Would it not be so much simpler if we humans lived our lives in a similar fashion? O.K., so the dog doesn't have bills and job commitments and family issues, it doesn't worry about where its next meal is coming from or whether Bill or Joe or Mary or Gertrude is still going to like them tomorrow, especially if we have just bonked their GF/BF behind their back.

And it's so hard to ignore all those things in our lives which don't intrude into the dog's life.

You don't ignore them. You deal with them as fairly and honestly as you can as and when they come up and then let them go, Don't bother 'second-guessing' them. That is simply wasted energy. Just let them go unless/until they pop up again. And do all this as far as possible without judgement.

By all means, if you didn't like a certain person or situation, try as far as possible to not have them/that in your life. But judging it won't change it in the slightest. It simply IS. Accept it, learn from it and move on.

Is all of this easy. Not really. But there is one thing that does go a LONG way toward helping to achieve such a state. That one thing is to STOP CARING about what others may say or think about you. It is NONE of your business and it ackshully says more about them than it does about you anyway.

Just be yourself, do the best you can with what you have, BE the best person you can with the understandings that you currently have and do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

You might also like to do a Google search on 'Pay It Forward'. There is even a movie by that name which I suggest you obtain, watch and learn from if you are at all interested in this 'stuff'.

Well, I'm off to practice my 'unconditional loving'. Now just where the hell has she gone this time?

You all have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 8, 2011 10:22 AM

At the end of the day, we will all do what's best for us . What's good for us..

And when we find ourselves getting nowhere we will always have a choice to consider doing something different

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 8, 2011 8:18 AM

Actually, I was wondering how as a human being, someone could have zero reaction and putting thoughts and questions out there. Nothing personal.

M

Posted by: margie284 at December 8, 2011 8:04 AM

Margie

You are taking about how YOU process things and thatt's fine for you :-)

As Deas pointed out, things are just as they are. Simple. No reaction required because it just IS

This stuff is on a different plane to the norm and truly understanding it does require a bit me work.

I wish I had a desktop lol

Deas do me the honors would you lol

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 7, 2011 9:53 PM

Hmm Feelings?
Love, lust, tenderness, jealousy, anger... All the positive and negative feelings that are all either very warm and wonderful or a little bit scary... but all our privilege as human beings to feel and express. (within reason of course)
Peaceful .. I cant see how reacting to a feeling or emotion can be equated to being judgemental.
It makes little sense to me.
I believe in being the best person I can be and practice care and kindness daily but I do not strive to be a saint. If somebody "seeks to do me harm" I will react and if that makes me unevolved then so be it.
I am not judging them that is not my place but I will make them aware that their actions are not acceptable to me.
This is only my opinion and I am wise enough to know it is not necessarily right nor right for anybody else. To each his own.
I love the fact that all people are different its what makes life so interesting and wonderful.
None of us are perfect and in my opinion perfection is boring.

Laugh Love Live

Posted by: sweeetlillee at December 7, 2011 3:00 PM

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 7, 2011 8:36 AM ...you can see something 'as it really is' and you may not react outwardly either way, but it would still cause you to develop feelings that you become aware of and then thoughts and opinions as you work through the process of accepting it.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 7, 2011 10:28 AM ...I have 3 grown children and am well aware of what 'unconditional love' is all about. I don't see unconditional love as someone being 'cold and heartless', merely as loving.

Almost everyone has a 'cause' they are passionate about and that in itself is a judgement/reaction/feeling, whether it be raising awareness of specific types of cancer, youth issues or raising children to making a decision about what you want from a relationship. Being capable of unconditional love doesn't exclude you (not meaning you personally) from being judgemental.

M xxx

Posted by: margie284 at December 7, 2011 1:26 PM

Hi, Margie284.
I know nothing of your background or accomplishments so i'l start from scratch here. Have you ever heard of 'unconditional love'? It is loving EVERYTHING THAT IS without reservation, judgement or condition, loving it simply because it IS. You may not wish to be in the company of a particular person for whatever reason but you still love them - unconditionally. Somebody may seek to do you harm, or actually achieve it but you still love them unconditionally. And so on.

I am still a little way from being THERE but I am a LOT closer than I was 20 years ago, or even 10 years ago, or even 5 years ago. It is an interesting journey and you meet LOTS of challenges along the way. You are TESTED in MANY ways.

The point? Some folks would say that somebody who has achieved unconditional loving is cold and heartless because they do not react to what goes on around them. This conclusion would be a VERY long way from the truth. Such people don't react because they don't JUDGE.

IF you ever meet such a person, I seriously doubt that you will EVER forget them or the experience.

Just my 0.02.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 7, 2011 10:28 AM

Margie

If we can merely observe and acknowledge, without reacting either way, what's that called?

Some liken it to not "feeling". I say its observing and acknowledging without reacting. Being aware of every emotion we feel as we feel it - just without the reaction

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 7, 2011 8:36 AM

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 5, 2011 3:26 PM ..."additional info".i.e. new information in addition to your post regarding,

"Two genders, two different sets of awarenesses and sensory intakes. Add in female intuition and male logicality, female compassion and nurturing and male practicality, and you have the potential for a TEAM effort that can achieve things that neither partner can achieve to the same degree on their own.", ETC.

oooUni: I think that seeing things as they are creates a positive or negative mindset depending on the level of acceptance of the 'thing seen'. Wouldn't neutral border on or be apathy?

M xxx

Posted by: margie284 at December 6, 2011 5:37 PM

Hi, BarbaraW.
Thank you, BarbaraW. I have been using that expression for around 30 years and you are the FIRST person to have ever commented on it, either pro or con. Quite a few have laughed at it but nobody else has ever commented on it.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 6, 2011 7:26 AM

There is a time for everything

including infatuation

After all, that too, will pass

When you see things as they are, your mindset is neither positive or negative

its neutral

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 5, 2011 8:08 PM

Hi Peaceful,

"much changing of the postal addresses of millions upon millions of tiny tadpoles"

How beautifully stated! :-)

Cheers
Barb

Posted by: barbaraw at December 5, 2011 7:30 PM

Hi, Reminiscing1.
I'm no expert but I have a suspicion that a LOT of this jumping from one relationship to another, often into the SAME sort of relationship, happens 'cos these people just plain can't stand their own company, don't like looking at themselves and want somebody else to focus on so that they don't have to look at themselves. Have they never heard that they can run but they can't hide from the consequences of themselves.

And it is their lesson to learn.

Mind you, the infatuation complex IS one of the aspects of our make-up that has contributed to our being the dominant species on this planet. Whether or not that is a good thing, I'll leave for others to debate.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 5, 2011 6:40 PM

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 5, 2011 3:26 PM ...now that's more like it!!! I could go on 'helping myself' indefinitely! Ha, ha, ha, ha!

M xxx

Posted by: margie284 at December 5, 2011 6:10 PM

Just imagine how many relationships would not exist if there weren't such an "infatuation complex". Wise people understand this concept and don't rush in. But those feelings seem to be what people seek when dating and looking for a partner.
I feel sad when I see people jump from one relationship into another. It really can be an "out of the frying pan, into the fire" experience. I don't like it when I see this happen.

Posted by: reminiscing1 at December 5, 2011 5:31 PM

Hi, ooouniqueooo.
Re your last para below about hearing what we WANT to hear. There is a little human foible that comes into play here. It is sometimes called the 'infatuation complex' and it is an unconscious response to a strong attraction between a male and a female. The two 'victims' are drawn together almost irresistibly into a sexual relationship, all hot and 'heavy' and with much changing of the postal addresses of millions upon millions of tiny tadpoles. This complex usually seems to last somewhere between 12 months and two years - the honeymoon period?

The purpose of this infatuation complex seems to be to get a male and a female together for long enough for the female to become impregnated, gestate the foetus, give birth to the resulting offspring and get it started as a new life. When the 'NOVELTY' - and the infatuation - wears off is when the two individuals concerned need to really start working at it if they want the relationship to continue.

While they ARE infatuated, it is all very romantic and viewed through rose-colured glasses. Sadly, the tint that is used in these rose-coloured glasses does not seem to be of a very high quality and it usually fades after a year or two, leaving the wearer with a 'clearer' view of the one that they were studying through those same glasses while the tint was working well. This can be a testing time for both parties.

Quote:
"Now if only I were 57 because age does matter to some lol :-P"
Unquote.

Now, now, Lady. Don't go wishing your life away like that. There is a very good reason that we are our respective ages. Damned if I know what it is but it is.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 5, 2011 3:48 PM

Hi, Margie284.
Additional info? Find the bottom point of your ankle bone on the outside and follow it back and up ONE fingertip width. Press firmly straight in at that point. Then scrape yourself off the ceiling.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 5, 2011 3:26 PM

Well...

I like to keep it nice and simple myself

Misery loves company

And while there is a time for EVERYTHING, I find it more beneficial to keep company with the positive people in this world.

I work in a negative setting every day. The last thing I want to see is MORE negative attitudes.

I have applied this across the board in my life. People who seem to have constant drama in their lives don't last long with me . I have a knack for attracting the weak and needy while wanting to help them at the same time lol. This is my remedy.

Get to know people SLOWLY.

Before we become too blinded to see what we often see down the track and in hind right - too late

I, like many others here, have learned many lessons during our course through the ocean of relationships we've had to swim in and dog paddle through lol

Peaceful, as usual you have hit the nail and hammered it in well and truly.1

Margie, amen on people masquerading as "ready" when they're not. The thing is, if we listen carefully to what people say and how they say it, they usually give themselves away anyway lol.

The thing is... We usually hear what we WANT to hear and that is because we often ironically choose to give people the benefit of the doubt rather than trust intuition or conversely, our minds are so clouded with negatively that it twists everything lol

Mmmmm which one is it for us ...

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 4, 2011 11:34 PM

Peaceful

thank you :-)

We needn't worry that it REALLY IS all about US

Because it is...

Now if only I were 57 because age does matter to some lol :-P

Cheers

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 4, 2011 7:50 PM

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 4, 2011 8:40 AM ...."IF both of those partners are complete within themselves and happy and at peace with themselves as they are BEFORE they enter into a relationship, they are a lot less llikely to try to use each other as crutches for their deficiencies within the relationship and within themselves.".... I believe there are quite a number of people on RSVP looking for a partner and not giving themselves breathing space after long-term dating or intense short-term hence, not happy within themselves and of a negative mind-set clad in a clown-face mask.

It has been said that through the ending of a relationship a woman gets practical and has already done the grieving for that relationship but that can also be the case of some males...but what of those who haven't grieved, healed and achieved some peace within themselves? And more, what about those that don't want to deal with it...the next partner comes along, pays the price for the negative aspects of the previous relationship, that breaks up, they move on (not dealing), blah, blah, blah and on, and on...it's a train-wreck.

While I'm a paid up member of the ...NEXT! Society I am a firm believer that those dots (...) are where I take my breathing space.

M xxx
PS: Peaceful, I am disappointed though...I thought you were going to give me additional info. Doesn't hurt to be reminded every now and then of course. Thank you.

Posted by: margie284 at December 4, 2011 5:58 PM

peacefulsixty, you make an interesting point with regards to people seeking a relationship to make them happy.

I have always thought that people need to be happy with themselves first then a relationship become a positive synergy where the combined is greater individual sum like 1+ 1 = 3

Posted by: nous at December 4, 2011 4:03 PM

Hi, Folks.
Dealing with a negative dating mindset????????????????

Unique raised a point that I think is right and the crutch, - - - er, sorry, CRUX of this matter - happiness.

If anybody is seeking a relationship to MAKE them happy, they are very likely setting themselves up for failure. IF they find somebody and start a relationship, they may experience some level of 'happiness'. How-wevver, if the relationship then breaks down, the partner leaves and the happiness leaves along with them, that happiness was only ever an illusion.

Any LASTING happiness MUST come from within. If it depends on anything or anyone outside of the individual, it is based on an illusion. If the object or person upon which the said happiness depends leaves or is taken away and the happiness goes too. what did you really have.

For mine, it is a false premise and an impossible expectation to think that a relationship will make you a 'complete' person. You ought to be a COMPLETE person BEFORE you seek a relationship. Having a partner in a committed relationship ought to be about COMPLEMENTING each other rather completing anybody.

THAT is why men and women have such widely differing mental and emotional outlooks on life and why each gender has its own set of particular gifts and abilities - generally speaking. To quote Alan and Barbara Pease in their book, "Why Men Don't Listen And Women Can't Read Maps", A woman will be aware of what her children are planning on getting up to even before the children are. A man will be vaguely aware of some short people living at the same address." Unquote.

BUT, take that (cave)man and put him out in the bush with a spear in his hand and he will much more aware of what is going on around him.

Two genders, two different sets of awarenesses and sensory intakes. Add in female intuition and male logicality, female compassion and nurturing and male practicality, and you have the potential for a TEAM effort that can achieve things that neither partner can achieve to the same degree on their own.

IF both of those partners are complete within themselves and happy and at peace with themselves as they are BEFORE they enter into a relationship, they are a lot less llikely to try to use each other as crutches for their deficiencies within the relationship and within themselves.

One of the qualities necessary for personal peace and happiness is a strong sense of personal responsibility, the KNOWING that you yourself are responsible for everything that you say, do or think. You are also responsible, at least in part, for everything that happens to you in your life. If somebody does something to you that you don't like, you don't have to take responsibility for the 'doing' but you ought to be willing to take responsibility for making the choice or series of choices that placed you where that person could do that thing.

That is personal responsibility. With people who have that sort of a sense of responsibility, there is also far less chance that they will play the 'blame game' or try to send others on guilt trips because they recognise and understand their own responsibilities in whatever is happening at the time.

IMHO, ANYBODY who seeks a relationship to MAKE them happy or bring them peace or make them complete is doing so with a NEGATIVE mindset. This does not mean that you have to see yourself as perfect just as you are now. From my point of view, what it means is that you need to acknowledge those things that you see as your faults and work on improving them whilst also acknowledging your good points AND being happy with the whole package, knowing that it is perfect jsut the way it is for you to learn the lessons that you need to learn.

Just my 0.02.

ooouniqueooo, you keep on being you, Lady. You are beautiful.

You all have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 4, 2011 8:40 AM

Missdragon

It is a simple concept really

One word.

FUN

Simple. Nothing more nothing less.

With expectation comes anxiety, stress, and disappointment

Does anyone here wish to continue experiencing anxiety, stress, and disappointment?

Yes yes deal with whatever you need to deal with people. And While you're doing that, HAVE FUN!

If you don't know how to do that, FIND OUT!!

Or come out with me - lets have coffee, chat, laugh, and I will show you in the club how to have FUN. It involves a lot of laughing, dancing, and flirting

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 4, 2011 7:51 AM

Posted by: missdragon8 at December 2, 2011 5:41 PM

Hey Missy,
I have been on and off RSVP for around 4 years - and yes I can remember feeling very hopeful and full of enthusiasm at the beginning. That's normal.

I think sometimes we are in the beginning, naive enough to believe that MOST people are here to seek a stable long-term relationship - but the truth is many people are not - and MOST people don't even know what it is they really want.

I see myself as an "average, everyday person" - sure I am 'special' to myself and those who love me - but to most people I am quite 'ordinary' - I certainly don't stand out in a crowd :)
I am not putting myself down here - I am making an honest assessment.

But most people here aren't looking for 'ordinary' because they want 'extraordinary'. The 'whole package. But how do you quantify this?
Good-looks, great body, caring and loving person, financially stable (even better if they are 'rolling' in it)?
Yet how many people who WANT an 'extraordinary' partner are �extraordinary' themselves?

RSVP like all dating sites advertises the 'beautiful people' in all their ads/promotions/blog pictures - even the occasional 'oldies' (who are few and far between) are damned good-looking people who have either aged incredibly well (or have a close financial relationship with a good cosmetic surgeon!) but they aren't 'real people' in the sense of the 'real' world.

In fact if I looked as enthusiastic (body-language wise) about hugging MY future partner as that young woman does in this blog heading photo - I'd believe I'd actually be thinking "Maybe we aren't meant to be together?"
She actually looks much more like it's "Hmm wonder if there is anyone more interesting around here? He's a nice guy but he's sooo boring!"
So I am sure she is not being 'negative' - well not about any new prospects anyway :)

But my point is they are simply selling us a dream and it is up to us (and lots of luck) as to whether that transcribes into our reality..
Yes we may well be able to find someone for us on RSVP - so they are certainly NOT lying to or tricking us - but to get the numbers on here to compete with other dating sites - they need to sell the 'beautiful' dream.
And 'Ordinary' is not what the huge numbers of people RSVP need to attract to be financially viable - are looking for.

If we are willing to consider an 'ordinary' person (and by 'ordinary' I don't mean someone who is less than you deserve - I mean someone who is respectful, empathic, considerate, capable of love and commitment and has no addictions - because if you are looking for anything other than a short-term fling - that is what most of us need) - someone who isn't 'extraordinary' but a �real� person - then we might just find him/her here one day.

But just don't hold your breath :)

PS: With the increase in mining activity up your way Missy - you might end up like WA (according to Foodie) - then you'll be laughing :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at December 4, 2011 7:10 AM

Missdragon

if you're in Sydney, let us go on a learning excursion hehe

Bigman

What you might like to consider looking at is not advising or asking or telling people (the way you have with me) how they should express themselves, or "come across" etc

I am mature enough now to understand and accept that this is just you being you. In another life time , I would have ripped your head off lol. I was not welcomed here when I first "exploded" on to the boards because i was judged. It is human nature and i knew what was happening. Didn't make a big fuss about it. These things blow over and i dont need or crave for acceptance

You are all beautiful individuals and I salute you all for the support you give each other.

AnA, you are an amazing man - I dont often get fuddyduddy but for all you have been through, you are beautifu

We live and learn. Experience and mature
And hopefully all learn that the greatest success comes in understanding that happiness should be at the base of all we seek to experience.

It should be the foundation of our thoughts and actions. Learn acceptance and be a step closer to it.

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 3, 2011 7:24 PM

Thanks AnA :-D

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 2, 2011 6:06 PM

I'm so glad I've started reading these blogs. I've only been on RSVP since August but right now my resilience is flagging. Most of my experiences so far have been addressed in the blogs, but how do you keep going? I really have to learn more about managing (or perhaps unique would say, getting rid of) my expectations - they are so sneaky and keep tripping me up!

Posted by: missdragon8 at December 2, 2011 5:41 PM

Posted by: thebigman9 at December 2, 2011 1:49 PM

Dave's comments related totally to what was said, yours start out doing the same then changes to telling someone else why they should change their behaviour.

As everyone is happy that is my last comment on it.

AnA

Posted by: ananachronism at December 2, 2011 5:24 PM

Very interesting responses from unique and ananachronism. Unique you appear to have read what I've written and not taken any offence as none was intended. Ananachronism, I'm not sure what you read into my comments however I'd like to know why I'm the target for your displeasure yet daveshere, who wrote the original upon which I was referring, is allowed to go unanswered!?

Actually I don't really care whether or not you agree with what I've said. Unique, in her last sentence, is thanking me for both my concern and compliments so she obviously understood what I meant. And, that's all I care about.

Posted by: thebigman9 at December 2, 2011 1:49 PM

Bigman

Well there's another couple of lessons we can all be reminded of.

Our perceptions of people we DON'T know can sometimes be WAY off the mark

It is always good to take a 3D look in the mirror before being offended or taking things personally

A lot of what i write have double meanings, are cryptic, and are absolutely ridiculous

People gotta lighten up

I access the site from my mobile (one finger typing). Making sure that i am PC and afraid to step on peoples toes etc is not at the top of my priority list

everyone here writes fantastic stuff and most people acknowledge it. I acknowledge mainly the hilarious stuff lol

other people can take care of the serious care bear compassionate political etc stuff

As I stated in one of my earlier posts, I'm not into beating around the bush. Those of you who have spoken to me will know this to be true. I am who i am

so are you

and the world is beautiful

life is too short to sweat the small stuff and farking lucky man who scoops me up (as she shamelessly proceeds to give herself a plug while leaving it open to ridicule Lmaooooo)

i am beautiful - where it counts
and i am 100% elegantly REAL

NATURALLY... this is merely my perception of myself. I do expect people to disagree and they're allowed to

thanks for your concern and your compliments Bigman

btw, how's the eating going everyone?

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 2, 2011 10:55 AM

Posted by: spartacus2011 at November 30, 2011 5:52 PM

On scams - did anyone read about that Aussie Gynaecologist who was 'scammed' out of 3 million dollars by some weird unheard-of dating agency?
That lady must have been one heck of a 'catch'!

(I suspect the poor man must have some sort of serious problem to have been taken in that badly)

Posted by: amberlightrose at December 2, 2011 8:59 AM

Posted by: thebigman9 at December 1, 2011 6:20 PM

Interesting comments, where I come from we call it taking the good with the bad and accepting someone for who and what they are even when they get it wrong.

All of the blogs I have seen from you tell me you would be offering such advice in good spirit and well meaning so I don't understand why you would feel the urge to let someone know how they are less than perfect (in your mind). Think about it, is this something you usually do and is it working for you?

Unique, I think your contributions are fantastic. Even when they're not.

AnA

Posted by: ananachronism at December 2, 2011 8:02 AM

Hi, ooouniqueooo.
I'm with Musicmal. I think you nailed it pretty well with your 2.52 pm post below.

All any of us can do is to sift through the 'talent' on offer, choose which ones grab us and contact them. Whether they respond either way or not all is entirely up to them but a no-response does tell us at least something about that person and something that they would probably rather we did not know.

Of those who contact us, we can choose to respond either positively or negatively - or not at all. The pos/neg. is pure courtesy either way. The not-at-all, . . . . . . . . . . .
.............................................??????

My own suggestion is to do unto others as you would have them do unto you and to stay away from the ones who don't show you that courtesy - - - NO MATTER how much you might feel you are attracted to them.

Just my 0.02.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.

Posted by: peacefulsixty at December 1, 2011 7:39 PM

Couldn't agree more daveshere with your comments to unique. Unique, you might have to take a step back and realise that many times you appear to comment without thinking about what the person has actually said. I'm sure you don't mean to be judgemental or critical but there are occasions when your posts take on almost a hectoring tone. Constantly having to 'set the story straight' should be an indication that you are sometimes too hasty in your original response.

However, and this is the frustrating part, most of your posts are fantastic in their wit, their incitefulness into the human spirit, their humour and their honesty.

It's great to read what you say, most of the time, because you are unquenchably positive in your search for the perfect man. Keep searching and keep informing us of your progress, it's highly entertaining, but, can you just take a bit more time before you comment please?

Posted by: thebigman9 at December 1, 2011 6:20 PM

Posted by: shazzam5 at November 30, 2011 4:43 PM ...I don't know if anything has happened...she's not answering me at the moment!!!! She'll come around.

Posted by: daveshere at November 30, 2011 5:20 PM ...good piece Daveshere.

CAM xxx

Posted by: margie284 at December 1, 2011 11:58 AM

Posted by: msmagnet11 at November 30, Received a kiss yesterday, I went back to reply and it was an inactive profile. Logged on last night to read the blogs and he was active again. Took a lot for me not to fire a rocket back but replied not interested! Have posted some good news on When to stay and when to run!! Sxx

Posted by: shazzam5 at December 1, 2011 9:07 AM

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 30, 2011 2:52 PM

"If you REALLY are drawn to someone, and you're available in more ways than one, you will make the effort

The only gamble is are THEY? And if they aren't, you can hardly blame them for YOUR attraction to them"

So true Uniq - but then if they are not attracted to you it costs them nothing and only around 30 seconds to send a no thanks response.

And if they responded favourably and have then changed their mind - no financial cost and a couple of minutes to reply politely saying that they are sorry but they have changed their mind.....met someone else, etc.

It's called courtesy and manners. Costs so little but means a lot.

Yes you can choose to just let it go or be bitter and angry angry about it - I choose the former - but if people were kinder then the world would be a nicer place.

I guess your perspective is also coloured by your life circumstances too.
For some people the cost of stamps probably means very little - they would spend the cost of a book of stamps on just one night out a few times a week - but if you are a single parent or paying child support - the cost of stamps is not insignificant.

If you have to choose between buying a book of stamps or taking your child to the movies or buying them a pair of shoes......
Well for me - the movie or shoes win - every single time :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at December 1, 2011 8:40 AM

My point is this

yes you have kissed a person of interest

yes they have responded favourably

yes you have emailed them because of their response

no they haven't replied for 2 days 2 wks

Do you not know the risk you take in emailing

When i say tightarse, i am referring to people who initiate contact and who either expect or hope that the recipient will email them.

I am referring positive that everyone here follows us with an email if they initiate contact. I do too!

Of course its frustrating when that situation happens magnet. I don't doubt for one minute that its happened to most. And its fine to express that frustration. Of course it is.

I am simply taking it one step further and saying

if you choose to email, understand that there is a risk and cop it on the chin with a smile

this situation will continue to happen whether we complain about it or not

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at December 1, 2011 8:40 AM

Posted by: ananachronism at November 30, 2011 12:50 PM
ANA hahahahahaha - these blogs are a wonderful source of entertainment!

Posted by: barbaraw at November 30, 2011 9:44 PM

If you send an email in response to a positive kiss reply that infers that the kiss returner IS Interested and therefore should oblige with a return email. The man who I had long ago contacted and only recently sent an email to has been nice enough to tell me he is interested in another. As sad as that is I appreciated the email so that I could move on. That's all it takes. Just a moment of your life to be courteous. Another one has gone inactive [no not a scam] without a word to me so he has been reported. It is that simple. It is not TIGHT ARSE to expect to be treated nicely, it is not the money it's the principle.
To reduce it to "only about the money" is to trivialize the whole process and nothing about our hearts and feelings is trivial.
Magnet

Posted by: msmagnet11 at November 30, 2011 7:29 PM

Uniqe- in my opinion your 2.52pm blog is of all of your blogs, your best 'work'.
Mal

Posted by: musicmal at November 30, 2011 7:25 PM

Posted by: shazzam5 at November 29, 2011 6:37 PM
"On the subject of scams, I have had two contacts from o/s who say they are in the military and their wife has either died in an auto crash or child birth. All they are interested in getting is your email address. This is from another site!"
I became friends with a lady on this site the last time I was on here (earlier this year). It was this scam that ripped her off. She lost $10k to that parasite. Be warned ladies, the photos will look real because they are, just not of the parasite who has made contact with you. Face Book provides these parasites with millions of legitimate information they can steal and use.
Hmm have I over used the word "parasite"?
Sparty (52)

Posted by: spartacus2011 at November 30, 2011 5:52 PM

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 30, 2011 2:52 PM

TIGHT ARSES ...In my opinion, those who are tight with stamps are tight with emotions and tight with money. Suspicious, doubtful, and probably come with barriers that stand 100ft tall..........

You are so judgemental with some of your comments/opinions -

Lucky its just your opinion, though it does need some clarification - there is a difference between being a tight a##e and careful with money, one of the biggest problems with our society is waste - "its just a dollar" don't worry about it, well if you added up all the 0.02 that people have offered in these blogs you would probably finds enough to get a new car. So yes i am a tight a#$e, proud of it, and all i ask is value for money - throwing a stamp away to someone, who doesn't even reply, is a waste. I buy my stamps 24 at a time - $5.83 each - that would buy a coffee for one person that appreciates it and deserves it. - yes you have hit a raw nerve - don't mistake a dislike of waste and wanting value for money for being a tight a$$e.

As my mother said often "take care of the cents and the dollars will take care of themselves"

cheers
dave

Posted by: daveshere at November 30, 2011 5:20 PM

AnA

I stand corrected lmaooooo

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 30, 2011 5:18 PM

Dave my darling

here is the relevance

Negative mindsets can be changed or reset with less seriousness and more distraction from negativity

Life is too short for mindset s in the dating g arena that are negative. Let us laugh and relax more. It is far more attractive

And contagious

Sweetmix simply continue to be happy and add a dash of daring, ridiculous, and hilarious. A pinch of forwardness, cheeky, carefree, and suggestiveNess

Descriptive visuals go a long way and the occasional reminder that we are all mostly over 40 here and haven't had a bonk in a few days months years

*recommences filing nails*

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 30, 2011 4:51 PM

Margie, any news yet? Probably too soon.
Ex - thanks for the email!
re: scammers. Have just received an email from Julia Ross that jobs posted by a certain company have nothing to do with them so do not reply. Scammers, scammers everywhere.
re: negative dating (or Big will tell us to get back on topic) try negative renting with a dog! I tried the last point of visualizing my ideal property etc and was positive but still waiting. 12 days to move and counting. May be John could do a blog on single and homeless!!! ha ha

Posted by: shazzam5 at November 30, 2011 4:43 PM

I was merely waiting for your next persona to appear Uniq :)

Good one AnA. :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 30, 2011 4:42 PM

TIGHT ARSES

In my opinion, those who are tight with stamps are tight with emotions and tight with money. Suspicious, doubtful, and probably come with barriers that stand 100ft tall

its simple.

If you REALLY are drawn to someone, and you're available in more ways than one, you will make the effort

The only gamble is are THEY? And if they aren't, you can hardly blame them for YOUR attraction to them

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 30, 2011 2:52 PM

to LLTD

thank you for the scammer warning, I had been chatting to a "trans continental businessman" who seems to be having some business trouble in the UK and now has to go to Africa to sort it but would love to speak to me on the phone and has given me an international number to call. My radar was already pinging due to the OTT in love with me stuff he was emailing, but he fit the profile of a scammer that you published so well that I just about laughed!

Posted by: missdragon8 at November 30, 2011 1:19 PM

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 29, 2011 9:52 PM.......offer myself freely to you on a platter of the finest marshmallows sire. A blanket of blood red strawberries

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 29, 2011 9:59 PM......Alas, i go now. Alone. Into the desert.

Shouldn't that be into the dessert

AnA

Posted by: ananachronism at November 30, 2011 12:50 PM

OMG

Glad you had a laugh Daveshere lol
So what's it gonna be? The stamps or the airline ticket? LOL If you're ever in Sydney lets do coffee. You seen like a cool guy wins just a little frustrated with the process. Let me help you relieve some of that frustration

Nothing like a good belly laugh lol Cheers!

Amber, its my warped sense of humour lol that at least Dave gets hahaha

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 30, 2011 12:12 PM

Before you go ooouniqueooo I need to book in for some flirting techniques lol!

Sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at November 30, 2011 10:07 AM

Posted by: shazzam5 at November 29, 2011 6:37 PM ...Thanks S....my friend is grateful for your positive input. Not so happy with mine though. Eh, what are friends for I ask you!!! Ha, ha, ha!

CAM xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 30, 2011 9:58 AM

Oh FFS

Has anyone got a warped sense of humour here or is it just me?

*yawn*

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 30, 2011 7:33 AM

OMG Uniq - this isn't like you - just re-invent yourself - again :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 30, 2011 7:14 AM

Posted by: backinadelaidenow at November 29, 2011 7:03 PM

Sadly dating sites are full of those people BIAN - people who believe that the 'cure' for their broken-heart is to 'jump straight back into the saddle' so to speak.
The first man I ever met from a dating site was much the same. He had met quite a few women - but couldn't understand why he couldn't 'click' with any of them!
I am sure if one of us had resembled his wife........

In a weird way you should be grateful - the potential for you to be hurt badly was there - because if he had decided you (or one of these 4 ladies) were just what he was looking for - he might have decided to use you to a) get over his ex-or b) show his ex what she was missing.

Months later - when you were emotionally involved way over your head - he would have either decided you weren't what he was looking for after all (transitional relationship) or his ex was wanting to give it another try.
Either way - you are left broken-hearted and emotionally shattered.

I can imagine that a huge slice of the revenue for any dating site would be from recently separated people.

You are a wise woman indeed :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 30, 2011 7:12 AM

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 29, 2011 9:52 PM

relevance my dear relevance

we don't want talk of this ilk in "negative dating" - i think you should be in the "Talk about Sex" section - nothing negative about strawberries & cream lol lol
cheers

dave

Posted by: daveshere at November 30, 2011 6:35 AM

Unfortunately, no line of suitors sweetmix

My time here draws to an end.

Indeed, i had fun. A little.

The man i seek is not here. If he were, he would have emailed me by now. Alas, i go now. Alone. Into the desert.

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 29, 2011 9:59 PM

Foodie my love

i offer myself freely to you on a platter of the finest marshmallows sire. A blanket of blood red strawberries covering my naked body. Drizzle over me your finest milk chocolate.

Do with me your as you please

I await with great patience, your reply.

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 29, 2011 9:52 PM

I know Sweetmix, she knows already that I think she was a dill!!!! Yes, I see your point. If she is still talking to me after I 'got up her' I'll let her know what you said.

Much thanks for yours & LLTD thoughts. I'm thinking it won't happen again.

CAM xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 29, 2011 7:23 PM

Here is my latest RSVP dilemma. Had a lovely 30 min coffee date with a man who then (a couple hours later) told me he just didn't feel a "connection". Well, since I don't believe that you always feel that after 30 minutes in a busy coffee shop, I decided to ask him for feedback. He tells me that even though I am great (and the 4 other women he's seen in the last couple weeks were great) that he is still in love with his ex. Well - to me, that is super irresponsible. Dating again after marriage is highly personal and emotional. I think such a man should do the dating world a favour and take his negative dating mindset somewhere to get over his ex. Thoughts anyone?

By the way - love reading the blogs

Posted by: backinadelaidenow at November 29, 2011 7:03 PM

Posted by: sweetmixture at November 29, Yep, Margie, this appeals to me too. It shows that "Your friend" is interested and he may reply via email next contact.Posted by: exmelbourne at November 28..hey they werent all bad. I am still waiting for a reply to my two emails back to you!!! Practice what you preach.
On the subject of scams, I have had two contacts from o/s who say they are in the military and their wife has either died in an auto crash or child birth. All they are interested in getting is your email address. This is from another site!
Go Big Dave.
LLTD, I have only ever gone back and forth a couple of times. So not sure of the answer.

Posted by: shazzam5 at November 29, 2011 6:37 PM

Posted by: daveshere at November 28, 2011 5:09 PM
Hahaha.I laughed so hard when I read this post. Ooouniqueooo must have quite a list of suitors lining up by now lol!

Posted by: margie284 at November 28, 2011 7:42 PM
Hmm margie thats a difficult one for your friend. Seeing she initiated the contact, the fellow she kissed probably feels she should send a stamp if she wishes to go further with the contact but perhaps she can send the kiss that just says.."I would like to get to know you, would you be interested?" At least if he replies with something along the lines of.."waiting for your email" then she knows he is interested and she can organise a stamp..

Posted by: sweetmixture at November 29, 2011 5:24 PM

LLTD: do you think she should send 2 kisses, to make sure he gets the point or did you accidentally press 'post' twice? Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Thanks for the advice hon, will pass it on.

CAM xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 29, 2011 4:10 PM

Not sure but I think it. I had this situation just the other day. The man was not on VIP but after another attempt to find out if he still wanted an email [our initial contact was awhile ago, long story] I could not send him another kiss?? so I have now taken the plunge and emailed him.I am hoping he will be polite enough to say yes or no to me, and contrary to what others say I will be upset if he doesn't at least give me some sort of an answer. It is only manners to respond and they are sadly lacking these days. You can say all you want, I may accept it and move on fine but I will always be disgusted in anyone who hasn't got the "cahonies" to tell someone "sorry I changed my mind". It is not something I would allow my children to get away with so why should I accept it in others. It is this attitude "it's ok mate" that breeds this behaviour, this "chill" attitude, that says we should accept bad manners and bad behaviour. I'm not talking about not being "easy going" as everyone seems to overuse, it's that politeness is a dead art.
Magnet

Posted by: msmagnet11 at November 29, 2011 12:57 PM

Margie,
I respond with "I'm interested...like to hear from you" or "If you buy me coffee, etc".

Now I have to ask the more experienced; how come on some responses you can only go back & forth 3 times and with others up to 5.
I do this toing & froing a lot and the inconsistency drives me nuts.

Posted by: ladylikestodance at November 29, 2011 8:23 AM

Margie,
I respond with "I'm interested...like to hear from you" or "If you buy me coffee, etc".

Now I have to ask the more experienced; how come on some responses you can only go back & forth 3 times and with others up to 5.
I do this toing & froing a lot and the inconsistency drives me nuts.

Posted by: ladylikestodance at November 29, 2011 8:23 AM

Okay question. Answer from the male perspective is probably the best way to go but any advice from any quarter appreciated.

A female friend sent a kiss saying "great profile - good luck" never expecting someone would be interested as there hasn't been any interest for about, well months. She got a kiss reply saying "you sound interesting, tell me more" or whatever that kiss really says. She can't afford stamps right now and she doesn't want to let this one get away without finding out a little more. She bemoans the unappropriate kiss responses available for this situation that don't allow her to say "hang on, don't go anywhere yet, I'm interested".

What is the suggested response from the replies available??? My friend really needs your help!

CAM xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 28, 2011 7:42 PM

hahaha LLTD,

yeah he messaged me a few weeks back

Certainly doesnt look french lol - ah well... we cant control these idiots

Another one emailed me claiming to be American yet when HE RANG ME, he had an obvious African accent on which I called him out on. Plus he said he was 46 yet sounded 25 which I also told him... I have lots of African friends and colleagues - Sudanese, Ghanian, Zimbabwe, Sierra Leone... He laughed hahaha and then I emailed him and reported the sucker...

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 28, 2011 6:33 PM

AnA that would be easy if -- i could remember what it was - aaaaaaahhhhhhhh the advantages of age - you meet new people everyday.

cheers
dave

Posted by: daveshere at November 28, 2011 5:19 PM

After reading the "time to talk about sex" blog, have fluffy ties, handcuffs, address of sex shops all packed - just got to get the plane ticket and I'm on the way - thanks for the invitation.

cheers
dave sorry DAVE

ps it was little dave but now its a big DAVE seeya

Posted by: daveshere at November 28, 2011 5:09 PM

Posted by: daveshere at November 28, 2011 7:39 AM

You can always check whether it is just you that has been blocked or whether they have left RSVP totally by logging out and searching for profile name.

AnA

Posted by: ananachronism at November 28, 2011 4:15 PM

Speaking of scams Ms Magnet, thank you for alerting me to the "report member" option.

I've reported "Sydneyphilippe50". Ladies beware! He has been in touch with femmes across our great land.

Sent me an email, encouraging me off the RSVP site, initiated a chat with me last night, asked him where he lived (profile said Sydney city), he replied Sydney, I pressed for suburb, he responds NSW (????), I call his bluff and request his number to talk - he terminates chat. Scammers profiles get easier to spot with first hand experience...most are presented as successful trans continental business men, who fall in love with you in a matter of emails. Be wary of calling overseas mobile numbers which they provide - as this will have the call bounced around India..mega impulses for which they get a cut, you get a massive bill.

Posted by: ladylikestodance at November 28, 2011 3:58 PM

Daveshere

Come to sydney!!!

Hahaha

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 28, 2011 2:38 PM

You newer guys do know about the scams don't you???? you are all saying such typical comments to the scam situation. Please check out my post on "First date nerves" re reporting them and possibly getting back stamps. Ex Melb, daveshere, talk to anyone you are in contact with from the blogs about it. There are ways to check but too long winded and too repetitive to go into again. Though if they have actually answered your email it cannot be pursued, but look in to your options, it keeps the site working nicely if we get rid of the wasters. Hope things improve.
Magnet

Posted by: msmagnet11 at November 28, 2011 2:35 PM

Daveshere, I had EXACTLY the same experience a couple of weeks ago - an encouraging response to my first email, then I sent 2nd email and discovered that it had been read and the lady had gone "inactive profile". I just don't understand that. My last 3 kisses sent out have resulted in that one above, and one of no response and one rejection via "appreciate etc but no thanks".
Oh well, ever onward & upward

Posted by: exmelbourne at November 28, 2011 1:16 PM

Another one bites the dust,

Sent a kiss Thursday, got a positive kiss reply Friday (thought this is looking up) all excited sent the email (used another stamp- down to 12 now), got an email reply same day (very nice, lived close by, same interests -things are looking up), sent another email back, went on this morning to check who i needed to reply to and saw "inactive profile" tried to open but alas "this user is no longer a member of RSVP"

I know, I know, I know - you dont need to tell me

"Lyn from Melton, you just missed the best bloke/chance you had to find eternal happiness" - now i feel so much better - NEXT PLEASE

How's that, did i do good - forgotten about her already.
cheers

Posted by: daveshere at November 28, 2011 7:39 AM

Posted by: thebigman9 at November 27, 2011 1:23 PM

Thank you, I think bigman but does "sense and sensibility" make me seem like a boring person? Damn.. I do hope not..sad face... Keep telling you all I will not be invisible on the blogs just my profile for a little while...Cheers!

Sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at November 27, 2011 6:39 PM

Sweet,

Your bona fides are quite well established and I don't think any of the regular contributors will mind at all.

Burntabit

Posted by: burntabit at November 27, 2011 6:03 PM

Bigman

I'm all for a bit of spice hehe

Lifes too short to take anything seriously unless it's our health..

If any of you lurkers are reading, and you have something to disagree about INTRODUCE YOURSELF!!!

This place could do with a bit more liveliness - but remember... If you can dish it, make sure you can swallow (with a smile)

Hahaha

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 27, 2011 4:08 PM

I'd like to extend my welcome also gippygirl75. Most certainly, although it's not a great profile pic, you don't appear to 'need to lose a few kilos' and you do have a lovely complexion. Your opening line is also interesting. Of course we men want to progress to the 'lower cuddling' as soon as we can but, and I can't talk for any other males on here, as far as I am concerned, it's up to the lady to determine when and where that will happen.

Good call amber! You see, you and I can agree.

Come back soon sweetmix please! Magnet may be the 'earthmother', margie the 'crazy aunt', amber the 'voice of reason' and unique, well, let's just say this name is entirely appropriate, but without your sense and sensibility (lol, smiles) the blogs will be a much poorer place.

Posted by: thebigman9 at November 27, 2011 1:23 PM

Amber

I think he's the best catch on the boards!

Sorry foodie, you are the best catch on the boards IMO

I think I love you

Haha

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 27, 2011 12:52 PM

Posted by: tinkerbelle57 at November 26, 2011 10:09 PM

Not actually leaving the blog site tinker..just going invisible on my profile for a little while until my frame of mind is much brighter..ty for your good wishes....I know I will be back 100% pretty soon.

While I am here..question for you all...Would it be considered bad taste for me to view other chatter's profiles while being invisible myself? Have been thinking about it and I would not want anyone to think I was scamming if they checked out my profile to see I was invisible....

Hope you are all enjoying your weekend..smiles..

Sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at November 27, 2011 10:46 AM

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 27, 2011 12:11 AM

Definitely a man Uniq - one who I suggest doesn't have a very high opinion of the female species :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 27, 2011 8:14 AM

"PS: Welcome to the blogs gippygirl75"

Thanks Spartacus, I have been a "lurker" for a long time now, thought I might start contributing. And welcome back to you.

Posted by: gippygirl75 at November 27, 2011 8:09 AM

Wait a minute!!!

Is foodie a man?

Hahahaha I thought he was a she!

Must check the profile out now lol

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 27, 2011 12:11 AM

Margie you made me laugh and the blogs are excellent for that - thank you guys. Sweetmixture I hope life takes a turn for the better soon as your presence will be missed. Take care.

Posted by: tinkerbelle57 at November 26, 2011 10:09 PM

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 26, 2011 7:30 PM

Thanks amber...no nothing to do with RSVP..the last few weeks actually have been rather sad and this week was just a culmination of all that plus some..Not fair to bring down others while feeling like that so best to stay invisible until I am back on top..smiles...

Posted by: margie284 at November 26, 2011 8:11 PM

yes margie..a little break will clear away those cobwebs however I will still be here reading the blogs and laughing at your posts..That has got to help ..smiles...

Sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at November 26, 2011 10:00 PM

Hey, how's this for a negative mindset...the 'scrat' (is that what it's called) at the end the Ice Age movie. He's in the ice cube and then he's waiting, waiting, waiting for the ice to melt so he can grab hold of the acorn....that's me waiting for a date ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!!!

CAM xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 26, 2011 8:42 PM

Sweetmix; Good to take a break, clear your head, put some space between you and life's 'curlies'. Thinking of you.

M xxxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 26, 2011 8:11 PM

Posted by: sweetmixture at November 26, 2011 11:17 AM

Hey Sweetmix,
Sorry to hear you are feeling low - we all have 'down' moments - both on and off RSVP :)
Was it an RSVP or 'real' life downer?

Hope you are soon feeling happier and more resilient again.

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 26, 2011 7:30 PM

Daveshere

Same applies to all of us here re: lurkers & bloggers reading comments

It MIGHT influence them

It might NOT

I'd like to think that people here are wise enough not to judge people - I'd be interested in people who don't :-)

Get to know the person in REAL time because no matter how much you read here, it will never capture ALL of who they are in person.

I prefer a person who doesn't have to "sound amazing"... Someone who puts it out there carefree of the opinions of others

BE WHO YOU ARE & SAY WHAT YOU THINK

Its better by FAR than pretending to be someone you're not

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 26, 2011 12:02 PM

Couldn't agree more dave, magnet and barbara. Foodie, your long-winded articles are becoming quite boring as they are taking on a lecturing tone. Most of us don't like being lectured, even uni students, so how about you try and keep your observations short and to the point. I'm sure there are better and more appropriate places for your writings.

Posted by: thebigman9 at November 26, 2011 11:50 AM

Ha ha ha Foodie you sure know how to draw the crabs. I have read many of your posts my man and it is obvious to me it's a G up. ha ha ha funny guy you are.
I am sure many others see your ruse also and have played along. Some fun in the blogs :)
Now before I "loose" too much weight and muscle tone I must go eat....lmao
Spartacus (52)
PS: Welcome to the blogs gippygirl75

Posted by: spartacus2011 at November 26, 2011 11:40 AM

Well this doesn't happen too often but..sighhh..after a very emotional week..I think I am going invisible for a while. One is never prepared for the way some things can just rear up out of the blue and take a hold. As positive a person as I am... it wouldn't be fair if someone sent me a kiss right now, so best to become invisible until I overcome this latest hurdle..Tired..emotionally spent and it has just been "one of those weeks"..Will try to keep up in here though as the blogs certainly can change a sad face into a smiling one..

Sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at November 26, 2011 11:17 AM

Foodie - not sure this subject or your line of approach will be beneficial for you - the outcome of successful dates on RSVP might be somewhat influenced if contacts have read your contributions on this blog.
Good luck - i think you might need it.
cheers

Posted by: daveshere at November 26, 2011 6:52 AM

Ahhh, foodie, foodie, foodie. "Spell checkers only pick up spelling mistakes; not grammatical or typographical errors. That requires proof reading. There is also an issue of standard English and American English being intermixed".

Spelling 'lose' incorrectly is not a grammatical issue and, given it is misspelled more than once, neither is it a typo. Please do let me know which dictionary, American or otherwise, which will give the word "loose" a definition of "misplace".

Posted by: barbaraw at November 25, 2011 7:23 PM

That is all quite interesting Foodie, not sure how it fits into this topic but....as this is a blog and not a forum....let's blog!!!

I don't believe that it is always lifestyle - exercise. Genetics gets involved as well. Human species have evolved...der Margie!...and continues. Lots of considerations in the mix.

CAM xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 25, 2011 6:47 PM

Good on you barbaraw, good point.

Foodie you say "I observe females shopping for groceries in my local shopping centre. I can judge their nutritional habits by the contents of the shopping trolley. The shopping trolley of overweight women is filled with pre-packaged TV dinners where slim women shop for vegetables and lean cuts of meat." Well you obviously don't look at ALL of the shopping carts!!!, you must be falling into the stereotypical attitude that overweight women are naturally overeaters/ bad food eaters/lazy. As one of the "hour glass figure types" I for one DO NOT eat prepackaged TV dinners, I cook fresh food every night. My trolley is always filled with fresh everything and I have been attending a gym regularly for 4 yrs and even though a Dietician has told me that my diet is spot on, I still continue to gain weight!!!! So talk about something you know about. The only part I will agree with you is that bit about a woman who is not being appreciated getting out. I have made great efforts all my life to lose weight for men and it has changed nothing. A man will either love you for who you are or not. The looks may attract initially but if you tried shutting your eyes and listening to the person you are with, is that the person you love and want to be with or is it the body that matters??? I have skinny friends that eat like horses, skinny friends that eat nothing, medium sized friends that eat well and put on weight etc etc. It takes all kinds and there are no hard and fast rules.
Having said all of this , you are entitled to you opinion but I will choose to ignore it from now on.
Magnet

Posted by: msmagnet11 at November 25, 2011 6:39 PM

It all reminds me of the old joke that the reason so many marriages fail is because men marry thinking they won't change and they do and women marry men thinking they will change and they won't

AnA

Posted by: ananachronism at November 25, 2011 6:27 PM

Posted by: msmagnet11 at November 25, 2011 11:17 AM.....Ana, agree with you, but give the big girls a chance too please.

Magnet, this is part of my point. Foodie is talking about most men pursuing a thin woman. Most thin women, certainly as they mature, are that way because of their lifestyle - exercise, diet etc. Whilst most men lusting after the same women have a totally different lifestyle. So men should be looking at the whole package - thin woman + the lifestyle to maintain it or someone who has a body type more suited to their own lifestyle (and probably body type)

AnA

Posted by: ananachronism at November 25, 2011 6:21 PM

Posted by: burntabit at November 25, 2011 4:33 PM ...true, the public persona gave that impression. Whether a woman can hold an intelligent conversation or not doesn't enter the equation when it's purely a physical desire though. This isn't true of all males although there are some.

That's also true Dave and, only in some cases, I've noticed that that fact alone devalues her worth as a partner, by her partner. Very sad and very superficial. What exactly was it that her partner fell in love with????

CAM xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 25, 2011 6:18 PM

Remi:

Authenticity... How come that reminds me of a Thai restaurant name? LOL...

Yep authenticity all the way!!!

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 25, 2011 6:10 PM

RSVP provide a blog not a forum. I belong to a number of forums where I provide links to reputable scientific research where that research can be verified. The subject title and issues are the opinion of one person which can be refuted by reputable relationship studies carried out by clinical and relationship psychologists, and anthropologists.

Humans have been living on this planet for millions of years. Education has only been provided to the working class for the past one hundred years. Emotions do not provide the infrastructure to sustain life. The biological drive to reproduce the species is a sub-conscious sex drive that overrides rational logic or emotions. That can be confirmed by studies carried out by Charles Darwin and other reputable anthropologists.

Women subconsciously, intuitively and instinctively select their partner based on being available to provide a stable infrastructure and protection for her future children. The male sub-conscious attraction to the 75% waist to hips ratio is a breeding instinct that tells a man that his female prospect can carry a baby in her womb and not die during childbirth.

Due to the advancement of medical technology, women with small hips can carry a baby full term and have the baby surgically removed; medically called a caesarean birth. If a woman with small hips tried a normal vaginal delivery the chances are that baby would be stuck in the narrow vaginal canal and the mother would die an excruciating painful death and baby would also die.

There are two types of people. 60% of married couples live happy, loving, until death do us part, monogamous relationships. 40% of married couples divorce.

Among divorcees, the survival instinct overrides the emotions. If a woman is seeking love then there has to be a sustainable stable infrastructure. Both partners have to use rational logic to determine whether the relationship is equally and mutually beneficial.

Contrary to popular belief; men and women are only compatible to the "loaded gun" reproductive sex. Bedroom therapy requires a man to adapting to the full female arousal cycle and returning to the pre-arousal state. That requires skill and patience from both parties. Where it all fails is that the average male ego is unwilling to compromise. That can be confirmed from reputable relationship psychology and anthropology studies.

I have yet to encounter anyone who can claim to sustain life through bedroom therapy. The majority of women are more materialistic than men, and that can be confirmed through consumer marketing research.

PS

Spell checkers only pick up spelling mistakes; not grammatical or typographical errors. That requires proof reading. There is also an issue of standard English and American English being intermixed.

Posted by: foodieatheart at November 25, 2011 6:06 PM

Barbaraw:

Hahahaha

Foodie, how's the dating going?

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 25, 2011 5:50 PM

Foodie, i think more research is required. from "MY" life experience and observation more women put on weight after settling with a partner rather than lose it.

The other point i would like to make is, i don't think or expect a relationship would last if the women thought she was going to change ME- so i guess why would i try and change her? it works both ways.

cheers

Posted by: daveshere at November 25, 2011 4:40 PM

Margie,

"How many men desired Marilyn Munroe??"

Probably quite a lot but it goes without saying that they placed at least as much value on vacuousness as the 75%.

Burntabit

Posted by: burntabit at November 25, 2011 4:33 PM

"There are a number of psychology studies that confirm the subconscious male attraction to the 75% waist to hips ratio."

That's the breeding instinct Foodie. How many men desired Marilyn Munroe??

"If a man is not prepared or unwilling to compliment a woman’s seductive femininity; the reality of life is that woman is in a relationship with the wrong man."

This is more like it....women soon pick up on the control/manipulation angle as well as the phoney unless, as has been said, they are after something you have.

"Singles dating has degenerated into the "relieving the loaded gun" syndrome, instead of very slow seduction beneficial to both parties."

This interests me as I get that same impression sometimes. It isn't helpful with keeping a positive focus ha, ha! I don't think that situation is true of all though.

CAM xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 25, 2011 4:03 PM

Thank you Foodie for elaborating. It is true that a man want his woman to look good. I think it just came out the wrong way. I think by being authentic and appreciating each other it's natural to want to be your best. As soon as external expectations are imposed that authenticity becomes masked by the plastic faces people wear. Let's avoid plastic faces and stick with authenticity.

Posted by: reminiscing1 at November 25, 2011 3:38 PM

foodie: I suspect a lot of your comments have been written mischievously and you've enjoyed reading all the responses.

If, however, you believe some of the tripe you've written and are planning on writing a weight loss book, I suggest you learn how to spell "lose". The word "loose" has an entirely different meaning :-)

Posted by: barbaraw at November 25, 2011 3:28 PM

Posted by: citylady1 at November 25, 2011 11:01 AM ...anyone who is fair dinkum will run fast and far.

If you have something the 'femme fatale' wants (not talking personality here) they'll hang around for sure.

Foodie, parts of what you have written goes against things you've said in the past though.

CAM xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 25, 2011 2:34 PM

Whoever wrote the dating advice never lived in the real world. Singles dating has degenerated into the "relieving the loaded gun" syndrome, instead of very slow seduction beneficial to both parties.

The problem with the dating blogs is that every comment is turned into a negative. Lighten up and look on the bright side of life. There is no magic formula for achievement and contentment. What if; common sense psychology prevails! Glass half empty, glass half full; it is still only half a glass. The natural order of life is achieving equilibrium. Consume the contents before the contents become rancid and move onto the next glass.

There are a number of psychology studies that confirm the subconscious male attraction to the 75% waist to hips ratio. The average woman is a size 12 to 16. The 75% waist to hips hour glass ratio is based on the hip size. According to the psychology studies, all women in all size ranges are naturally attractive and seductive if the female body conforms to the 75% waist to hips hour glass ratio.

There are a percentage of size 0 to 10 women who have not developed the widening of the hips. Even though they are slim and attractive, men subconsciously are not attracted to them.

It is natural for a woman to carry a few excess kilos. That is nature’s way of maintaining a fat reserve during a famine and not starving to death. We live in a society where there is an excess of food and no requirement to carry a fat reserve.

Selling weight loss products is a multi-billion dollar business. Very few women will ever achieve a seductive Miranda Kerr looks and figure. That is why Miranda Kerr is a highly paid catwalk model.

I observe females shopping for groceries in my local shopping centre. I can judge their nutritional habits by the contents of the shopping trolley. The shopping trolley of overweight women is filled with pre-packaged TV dinners where slim women shop for vegetables and lean cuts of meat.

A weight loss diet does not mean starvation; a person can live the life of a gourmet without becoming an obese glutton. All it requires is a holistic attitude to living, self discipline and eating fewer calories than the body requires. Over time; women will naturally loose weight without the consumption of weight loss products. Combined with regular sex and some positive encouragement from her partner how good she looks naked and in seductive underwear, a woman will sustain a positive outlook on life and maintain her hour glass figure.

If a man is not prepared or unwilling to compliment a woman’s seductive femininity; the reality of life is that woman is in a relationship with the wrong man. Dump him and find a supportive partner.

Too easy; maybe I should write a female guide to loosing weight from a male perspective. It would never get published, because the weight loss industry would purchase the copyright.

Posted by: foodieatheart at November 25, 2011 2:29 PM

Foodie you made me laugh... and I am unlikely to be impressed with either incorrectly sized lingerie or diet special meals. Yuk!!!

Posted by: tinkerbelle57 at November 25, 2011 2:14 PM

"It is best to find a woman with a natural complexion who needs to loose a few kilos" -

I think I've got the natural complexion, but I don't need to lose a few kilos.

So hopefully Foodie's suggestions are taken as tongue in cheek (as I assume they are) otherwise my chances have taken a dive!

Posted by: gippygirl75 at November 25, 2011 1:48 PM

Foodie .. Hmm that is wrong in so many ways.
Are you writing a "recipe" for creating the perfect women?
People are not toys to be played with. moulded and manipulated.
If you can only "love" a particular body type then you should only persue that which is attractive to you.
That advice however sounds like it came from the same book where its written that a real woman should always look her best for her man to keep his interest and greet him with a smile, a cold beer and a home cooked meal.
If you love somebody of course you want them to be happy and healthy but you want it for their benefit ... NOT your own.

Posted by: sweeetlillee at November 25, 2011 12:37 PM

Daveshere, great profile. Love seeing people who know EXACTLY what they want (at the time lol)... and a ball player! All the best with it

Wallstreet, you're a hoot hahaha. Love it when someone doesn't mind making a fool out of themselves lol

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 25, 2011 12:13 PM

Hey Foodie, Just checked out your profile! Have enjoyed some of your blogs but the previous one left me somewhat perplexed. Sure sex sells, but now that we are older and wiser (hopefully), I still think that we appreciate each other for who we are and have some values from our past. By the end of your post, I was open mouthed and bemused. The matching suspender and bra in a smaller size is quite manipulative. But one can be grateful for small mercies, I am slim but love a drink and a ciggie on a hot day!! And I do love to eat out occassionally and I am way outside your search criteria. Good luck in your search. Ana, Amber and Big Man,way to go. Unique and Daveshere and the others - great thoughts.
S xx

Posted by: shazzam5 at November 25, 2011 11:50 AM

Amber I agree with you. Foodie, you have turned me off entirely. If a guy gave me the wrong size undies, it would tell me that he didn't have the brains or consideration to at least get the size right. If a man cannot accept a woman as she is, he should move on. If losing weight is desirable, look for someone else or love her and it will come off naturally. Gee, how pathetic.

Posted by: reminiscing1 at November 25, 2011 11:33 AM

Wallstreet3, if you go to the Buy stamps page and "Continue" to explore you may find what you are looking for. I am sure you will eventually have someone to send an email to. A book will last as long as you keep up RSVIP so start the RSVIP at the expiry time of the stamps. I am getting stamps Monday so if you want to wait till then I can email you. Where there is a will there is a way.
Foodie, What the???...... Amber said it all.
Ana, agree with you, but give the big girls a chance too please.
Magnet

Posted by: msmagnet11 at November 25, 2011 11:17 AM

Very nicely put Anachronism.

Foodie, is this workin' for ya? Any lady with half a brain will see through this little plan very smartly and run......real fast.

Posted by: citylady1 at November 25, 2011 11:01 AM

Posted by: foodieatheart at November 25, 2011 6:03 AM ...You have got it sussed!! Let's also try to remember, all females are not all of that 'slim, seductive femme fatale' ilk.

Foodie, Big and Ana, you have all hit the nail on the head in parts. Honesty being the biggy followed closely by being yourself. If she trusts you (and actions speak volumes) she will let go of the negative from the past without a whimper or even recognition of the moment it happens.

CAM xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 25, 2011 10:04 AM

Hey AnA.
Love your style. :)

Foodie,
That is just creepy, controlling and manipulative mate.
What happens if she doesn't have that inner self-doubt that you recommend men take advantage of and is quite happy being herself?

What happens if she does 'blossom' and then becomes much more attractive - how are you then going to keep her?
By constantly undermining her and chipping away at her self-esteem?

An really emotionally healthy woman is going to see through your 'cunning plan' - and run - as far away as she can as fast as she can.

Perhaps you should have put this 'advice' on the "when to stay and when to run" blog?

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 25, 2011 9:52 AM

Posted by: foodieatheart at November 25, 2011 6:03 AM....Dating Advice for men

Interesting thoughts. Some of this is no doubt true and some of it would no doubt work but I somehow think taking a circuitous route to get someone where you want them to be is less than completely honest. Unless of course you tell them from the get go that is your intention. Some other things that work:
- be the partner you want to attract. If you want honest, monogamous etc be that yourself
- don't be scared of women who are stronger, more opinionated etc than you
- admit it, and be prepared to apologise, when you are wrong
- seductive women aren't what everyone is looking for. If you are, have something that they want. If you haven't got it, don't go there (I don't have it, I don't go there)
- nothing wrong with pursuing slim women, if you are yourself slim

Overall, the way to attract the ideal partner is to be the ideal partner.

AnA

Posted by: ananachronism at November 25, 2011 9:22 AM

Dating advice for men.

Don't take dating personally.

Dating may be a numbers game; dating is also a considerable financial liability, especially if you date slim seductive femme fatales.

Visualise your ideal partner.

Sex sells. Men are subconsciously attracted to women whose waist is 75% the size of her hips. Add a low cut dress exposing 80% cleavage and a high cut leg line; she has already reeled you in hook, line and sinker, and you have handed over your credit card with a smile. It is only when you check the monthly statement, you realise that visiting a cat-house would have been cheaper.

Avoid slim seductive women; every man is trying to bed them, and they are masters of deflating masculine egos. It is best to find a woman with a natural complexion who needs to loose a few kilos. Convince her that you like some meat on your woman; flatter and complement her on her looks.

Eventually; she will tell you that she wants to loose a few kilos. Invite her around to your home and cook her weight loss meals. Buy her a seductive matching bra, undies and suspender set one size smaller than she is. Complement her; tell her that she is gorgeous now, but she will be the Goddess Venus wearing the new outfit.

Never try to seduce a woman; read her body language and let her make the first move. Being her idea, she will be more relaxed; and compliment her how radiate she looks after the deed is completed. She will let go of the past, and there will be no negative talk. She will be too busy looking forward and planning the next bedroom therapy session.

Posted by: foodieatheart at November 25, 2011 6:03 AM

Daveshere, you will expect what YOU expect

I send the kiss and forget about it - 3-4 times more than what i receive (it's a numbers game).. if they reply, GREAT! if they don't reply, GREAT. I've sent so many I've forgotten anyway lol

We cannot expect people to act the way WE do... you are not like me... I am not like you etc etc

I'm going to read your profile now. It better be impressive!!! ;-)

HAVE FUN - lighten up

Hahaha

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 24, 2011 11:02 PM

[ladylikestodance at November 24, 2011 2:19 PM] Well said! Being relaxed is definitely the way to be. And a smile is great too. It seems to make the first date jitters go away a lot faster. For me it allowed me to forget about the butterflys in my tummy and allow me to be more me and not like some BBC radio announcer.

Posted by: tibetanyak at November 24, 2011 9:18 PM

One thing about blogs that are awesome is the ability to share your thoughts and feelings. Although of course I've just hit the catch with the RSVP blog... you aren't exactly anonymous! Argh so frustrating right now :( but i'm going to go back and read over John's advice here a few times now I think.

Posted by: mishka79 at November 24, 2011 9:17 PM

Very well written daveshere, welcome to you and spartacus. We guys need to write more often so that the members who only read and don't comment aren't simply bombarded with the opinions of the girls however good they are. The male perspective does give balance to these topics. As far as a negative dating mindset is concerned, to get back on track, as long as you play the game, understand it's all about (as beautifully put by LLTD) marketing yourself, and don't become despondent, the 'girl' of our dreams will appear when we least expect her to. Keep searching, expand your parameters occasionally, loosen your deal-breakers just to see what falls into your net, and never give up hope.

Posted by: thebigman9 at November 24, 2011 8:50 PM

Posted by: daveshere at November 24, 2011 6:13 PM ...your head seems to be screwed on properly. Stay with your current plan...sounds realistic & sound to me.

CAM xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 24, 2011 8:43 PM

I have to say I was quite disheartened the first few times I sent emails to men I had first sent kisses to and received their positive responses for contact, only to never hear back from them. However, the more I read, the more I see this is not uncommon. My expectations have altered and I no longer anticipate a response from everyone I approach. However, this doesn't mean it's ok. I'd like to think that I'd be honest enough to at least tell them I was sorry for wasting their time (perhaps the first email is not what was expected). Essentially I am reassessing my expectations and hoping to use negative dating (on and offline) experiences for the good. So Russ who said he didn't want to see me again because I wouldn't kiss him on the first date, Dave who didn't want to see me again because I did, neither time was I in the wrong. I wish I'd seen that at the time, I'd have saved some tears! But you were both fun dates - that's a positive. I cannot lose hope that one day all my negative experiences will lead me to a truly positive one.

Posted by: eightofhearts16 at November 24, 2011 8:12 PM

ooouniqueooo .... No, havent bought the stamp yet :((( cant find out how you can buy just one ...

Posted by: wallstreet3 at November 24, 2011 7:39 PM

Posted by: daveshere at November 24, 2011 2:39 PM ...no, what happened last time should not be carried across...KISS is the best way to go and yes, if you initiate contact, you should take responsibility for contact and don't send kisses if you aren't sure about what you want to do about it.

Pressure, don't wear it. No one...is clever-er than anyone else, unless they are 'the scammer'...and even then the clever-ness is doubtful.

Expectations should be kept to the minimum as there are 'dodgy' people around, wherever you go...and what a nice surprise if they are 'fair dinkum'. The bonus! A shame but a fact of life.

M xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 24, 2011 7:11 PM

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 24, 2011 4:06 PM
i was never upset, just putting it out there so others could tell there experiences/confirm similar treatment.

expect - well when i send a kiss (always sent before email) i would expect within 5 days of being opened/viewed an answer of interested or not interested.
If interested then i send an email, simiarly i expect with 2 or 3 days after it is opened a reply with answers to my queries or some questions in return.

Do you think it unrealistic to get a reply to either a kiss or email.
cheers
dave

Posted by: daveshere at November 24, 2011 6:13 PM

...and you're doing it very well LLTD!!!

CAM xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 24, 2011 5:06 PM

wallstreet

Have you bought that stamp yet lol

Daveshere, I'm sure you've calmed down now lol... Tomorrows a new day

But can I ask... What is your expectation when you send a kiss or an email?

Perhaps you can change that expectation...

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 24, 2011 4:06 PM

Thanks for the comments, now clear up a few points

firstly - every new contact is treated the same - i make sure what happened with the last person isn't carried across - that is a sure way to end up single a long time. - you don't have to be clever to work that out.

secondly - i always send a kiss first - "I would like to send you an email. Would you like to receive one from me?" or "I'd like to get to know you, would you be interested?" - i figure a positive reply would expect an email - i rely on the kiss principle - Keep It Simple Stupid

I like RSVP and think it has potential to meet someone that suits, it is just a matter of putting up with the minority that think they are much cleverer than the rest of us.
cheers

Posted by: daveshere at November 24, 2011 2:39 PM

AnA very well said, I have the attitude that this is best viewed as a marketing project and market feedback is very useful.

I am the product; the profile the pics are representative of who who I am and whom I would like to attract. And listening to the market feedback (via talking/meeting gents) and revising and tweaking the "product".

A year on, this experience has changed me and I have reflected that in my profile - as I have become clearer in what I want and don't want. Last year, I was very fortunate to have a kind gent give me some pertinent feedback on our meet.

He told me I was too serious and in corporate mode, conducted the meet as a recruitment interview. I wasn't conscious of it, at the time, but now with hindsight and experience I have changed my approach. I greet all gents with a hand shake and a peck on the check, don't wear suits, don't sit opposite them at the table and are more relaxed with the whole process. No expectations, just the view to communicate well and hopefully share few laughs.

I am recruiting friendships :)

Posted by: ladylikestodance at November 24, 2011 2:19 PM

Posted by: daveshere at November 23, 2011 10:14 PM

First thing to understand is that there are no rules and no consistencies. How long someone takes, whether they respond, whether they look at your profile or go straight to blocking you doesn't have any rhyme or reason its up to the individual.

Second point is that 11/24 is a very good strike rate in terms of even getting a request for email. Overall 10% coffee rate is about what I would expect so I don't think you are doing too badly. Yep it is pretty disheartening but as has been discussed here on a number of blogs, it is a numbers game.

A couple of other comments, I would expect 24 stamps to last me 12 months so are you being a bit random when you send them out? Would a kiss be better when someone appears to be less of an ideal?

Last comment is that, and I know of lot of the bloggers hate this term, you are marketing yourself. What is the market telling you by their reaction. Look for consistency in responses, are you attracting the same type, do you need to adjust what your emails are saying, are you customising them to the profile of the person being contacted.

This is an ongoing, sometimes quite painful learning experience. Above all protect your resilience. Keep at it.

AnA

Posted by: ananachronism at November 24, 2011 8:48 AM

Hi Dave, now that's the reason why i only want one stamp ...

Stephen54 ... you could fly to Sydney unless SA havent heard of planes yet??? :)

Posted by: wallstreet3 at November 24, 2011 8:41 AM

Posted by: daveshere at November 23< Having been here for nearly a year now, a break of about 3 months like you, I can answer some of the questions. Being female, I have found that some men send the "you send the first email, etc". I have posted on my profile that I have no stamps at the moment because way back when I had stamps, this kiss resulted in no reply and inactive profiles. Have since been advised by other bloggers that this can be some sort of scam. As for people not checking your profile first, they log onto the site without their password, and can check you out this way, and you wont know.
The time taken for a response can be tricky, some people work away or dont access their mail daily. Some dont want to appear to eager so will leave the response for 3 or 4 days. Others are just plain rude and never respond. Be grateful, you probably did not want to meet them anyway. I have said that this site is like fishing, you throw the line in and wait. Patience is key and remember, we are here to help. Hope this helps. S xx

Posted by: shazzam5 at November 24, 2011 7:35 AM

In response to Daveshere,
As a male you are not alone in your experiences. Females get it too! I am a firm believer that the etiquette for sending emails should be that if you initiate the contact and you get a favorable response then it is the initiator that should pay for the stamp. If they don't have stamps and offer the first coffee instead then it falls back on the person contacted to decide. I think that is fair!
As far as people not responding to emails after they have encouraged you to spend your time and money investing in one, then not returning your email!!!!! Well that is not gender driven! I have had guys done the same thing and you are right it is annoying but looking at the glass half full! If they are like that, then it was money well spent to find out before you invest in a coffee too. AND that kind of arrogance you will find that these people will be on here forever!
I also agree with you on your response time to a kiss or email.

Posted by: sydneyjuliem at November 24, 2011 7:16 AM

Dave, if you look down the bottom when on your RSVP home page you will see there are 2 options on a ;bar'. The one on the left is 'New notifications', if you click on the up arrows in that section and then select 'View all updates' you will see that many more have viewed your profile that the pictures that appear up the top of your home page. The reason for this is if the member viewing is 'Offline' when they view then it doesn't show in the top strip. I have noticed many view whilst offline then go online to send kisses.
To the right at the bottom is the option to go offline Dave, by clicking the up arrows here you can see who is online that you have had contact with and also the option to go 'offline'.
I too have had no response to kisses sent but even more intriguing has been the no response to positive kisses sent back from a kiss....I mean, cmon girls, you send me a kiss, I respond that I'm interested and then...nudda!!!!!! go figure.
As many have stated Dave, in the end it is a numbers game trying to find your match. 1%, god I hope it's not that low...Good luck mate.
Spartacus (52)

Posted by: spartacus2011 at November 24, 2011 7:09 AM

How could one not be negative - a member since January 2010 - following a short relationship of 3 months starting May 2011 (introduced through RSVP) i purchased 24 stamps. Full of enthusiasm, and confident the next one, or the real one, was just a coffee away i sent some kisses, since mid September those kisses have resulted in 11 invitations to "send an email" of 11 emails, 3 didn't answer but removed their RSVP profile within 2 days, 2 resulted in coffee, and 6 replied to the first email from me with sorry but i changed my mind.
Then their are the kisses replied with "Thanks for the kiss, but I don't think it would work out between us" but they haven't even viewed my profile - what was this decision based on?? Not forgetting the kisses that they want to get to know you but once again haven't viewed my profile, before they sent the kiss - what are these proposals based on?

And as others have stated - i read a profile and find it well written and impressive so send a "congrats on your profile kiss" then get the reply sorry not interested. Doesn't anyone read their kisses or in this environment is it "bad taste" to give a compliment?

While I'm having a gripe the who pays argument (with the belief the man pays) was based on a time when women didn't work or earned less than their male counterparts. (yes i am over 50 and remember "way back when"

So maybe you wiser than me can help me.
cheers, and yes I'm still lookin'.

Could someone please enlighten me as to a reasonable time to expect a reply to a kiss or email after it has been read/opened? wouldn't a expectation of 2 or 3 days be reasonable.

I do understand that sometimes a "no" reply can be based on a timing issue - ie currently "checking out" someone else and waiting to see how that goes - maybe a kiss reply "sorry can i get back to you shortly" or similar.

Phew i feel better now.
night all./ dave

Posted by: daveshere at November 23, 2011 10:14 PM

Watches the latest RSPV saga of "the Days Of Our Lives" lol!!

Chuckles....

Sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at November 23, 2011 10:06 PM

I'll chime in on this one. Photos taken with the mobile with a scowling, non-smiling face. Wow, that's a real turn on I don't think. Someone could have a glowing profile but a scowling face is sort of a bit of a turn off ya know.

Not to mention bare chests when they're well past their prime as let's face it, the bulk of us are when 60+. What are they thinking?

I'm sure men feel the same about the sex-kittenish poses of some women, but maybe they don't. What would I know?

Posted by: citylady1 at November 23, 2011 9:19 PM

Posted by: wallstreet3 at November 23, 2011 7:41 PM

"stephen54 and ooouniqueooo will you guys meet and just go get a room and save the mental pictures"

Good idea but it's a long walk to NSW

and I am more of a - never mind.

Then a - never mind.

Regards - Stephen

Posted by: stephen54 at November 23, 2011 9:18 PM

Hahahaha wallstreet just hurry up and buy the damn stamp already lol...

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 23, 2011 9:15 PM

Posted by: luci1956 at November 23, 2011 6:46 PM

"One 60yr old guy springs to mind who had obviously taken a pic of himself on his mobile phone, in front of a mirror, from below the belly upwards, but either forgot to put his tongue back in his mouth, or left it there on purpose. DO I NEED TO SAY MORE!!!!!"

You said too much already. I need a asprin and a good lie down.

Regards - Stephen

Posted by: stephen54 at November 23, 2011 8:24 PM

Posted by: msmagnet11 at November 23, 2011 5:59 PM

"Stephen have you seen my post re the sign in issue to Foodie Nov 21 3pm on the "Talking bout Sex topic". Might help you? Obviously the thought really put you off your game, look at your typos...lol
Magnet"

Hmmm - I'll take a look

Posted by: stephen54 at November 23, 2011 8:08 PM

Come on Magnet, you know us guys struggle with doing more than one thing at a time. 24 conversations would send me to the funny farm!

Posted by: wallstreet3 at November 23, 2011 7:59 PM

stephen54 and ooouniqueooo will you guys meet and just go get a room and save the mental pictures ....
.
Lady; how do i get one stamp???? all i can see are the books of them. It is for you of course ;)
.
GW

Posted by: wallstreet3 at November 23, 2011 7:41 PM

I agree with ladylikestodance, there seems to lots of sparks in chats, phone calls emails ect and the profile seems excellent/perfect only for it not to be the case and sometimes the complete opposite of what you anticipated of meeting.

1% I would say would seem about right for meeting the one your searching for, after all for 2 people searching and finding the exact partner they want is extremely rare. I have seen it happen a few times with 2 of my friends, so its just a numbers game until we all find it, which can be frustrating at times.

Posted by: lovetheocean78 at November 23, 2011 7:12 PM

Valid point regarding what's presented in the pics!!! - wallstreet3 (November 23, 2011 3:27 PM)
For you it boobs and bikini, and for me it's guys around my age posing with a bare chest as their primary photo - yeah sure!! put that in amongst your collection (if you really have to) and right at the end, but Geez, I have to say it definitely doesn't do anything for me - now or ever!. One 60yr old guy springs to mind who had obviously taken a pic of himself on his mobile phone, in front of a mirror, from below the belly upwards, but either forgot to put his tongue back in his mouth, or left it there on purpose. DO I NEED TO SAY MORE!!!!!
Yummmmmmmm - not :( but he may very well have been quite a nice person, but one has to get past that "initial shock" of the beer belly pic with the tongue out. LOL

Posted by: luci1956 at November 23, 2011 6:46 PM

Wallstreet3....age old request with RSVP that you wouldn't know about, being a newie. They say that it costs too much. Am in the process of buying myself some and have decided to go with the 24 and then get RSVIP after 6 months to make them last longer, could work for you?
Stephen have you seen my post re the sign in issue to Foodie Nov 21 3pm on the "Talking bout Sex topic". Might help you? Obviously the thought really put you off your game, look at your typos...lol
Magnet

Posted by: msmagnet11 at November 23, 2011 5:59 PM

Well I am off you the beach. It is about a ten minute drive.

It should be packed with RSVP women (according to the profiles I have read) all walking on the sand, and (hope fully) ready to share a glass of red.

If I spot one wanting a beer I'll be off here and into a new life.

Hahaha

Regards - Stephen

Posted by: stephen54 at November 23, 2011 5:38 PM

Wallstreet3,
acktualyl, you can buy just one stamp.

Posted by: ladylikestodance at November 23, 2011 5:23 PM

Stephen54, I aim to please lol ;-)

Glad you had a laugh and if you're ever in Sydney, I might purchase the red leather gag I've been eyeing up too... Just for you!

Hahahahahaha

Coffee & a chat would be great!

For starters

Hahahahahaha ;-)

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 23, 2011 5:21 PM

why cant we buy just one stamp?? I dont want six of them ... lol

Posted by: wallstreet3 at November 23, 2011 4:35 PM

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 22, 2011 4:39 PM

"Stephen54: If you were in Sydney, I'd give you a good hard spanking lol"

Cricky I'm in SA and would have to pay a lot for that. Maybe I should relocate to NSW

Hahaha

Regards - Stephen :)

If I get one more "Your Post failed as you are not signed in" I am going to have a hissy fit. I am signed, you RSVP coder idiots.

Posted by: stephen54 at November 23, 2011 4:27 PM

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 22, 2011 4:39 PM

"Stephen54: If you were in Sydney, I'd give you a good hard spanking lol"

Cricky I'm is SA and would have to pay a lot for that. Maybe I should recocate to NSW

Hahaha

Regards - Stephen :)

If I get one more "Your Post failed as you are not signed in" I am going to have a hissy fit. I am signed, in you RSVP coder idiots.

Posted by: stephen54 at November 23, 2011 4:26 PM

Hi Lady, i agree I would think that people (male or female) would want to put up a flattering pic. The best i had was a professional one (so maybe you wont want me to come dancing if you see my ugly head without airbrushing...lol). One though i cannot stand are the photos with breasts taking up more of the photo than the rest of the person, or someone in a bikini ... i'm not being prude (i still am a red blooded male) but im not after a contact with a set of boobs, but the person.
You make a very valid point regarding the friend issue. It is always telling when you see the inside of an extended arm in the photo ... :) Spelling and grammar is always something i look for too.
GW

Posted by: wallstreet3 at November 23, 2011 3:27 PM

You would think that people would put up the most flattering photograph, yet I'm amazed at the quality and content, especially of the self held portraits from mobiles - yet the profile tells me they have ample friends - what, none are available to take a descent pic?

Sometimes I wonder how serious some people are about this? Quite telling on their disposition. If they are not prepared to put an effort in representing themselves - how can they expect success? It starts with the thought and effort invested in the profile
Empty profiles, lacklustre content, cliches galore, typo's...it's enough to put me in a negative mindset.

I will respond to a profile sans pic, provided the content has something to hold my interest; people who are true to themselves leap of the page and reel you in.

I believe, one must give, in order to take

Posted by: ladylikestodance at November 23, 2011 11:42 AM

Posted by: wallstreet3 at November 22, 2011 4:19 PM

Great attitude Wallstreet3 - If only more people had that idea I think RSVP would be a friendlier place.
RE the ID - my 23 yo daughter gets upset because she has a young face and she often gets asked for ID when she buys a drink.
I keep telling her one day she'll find that very flattering :)

Egodisolver - so true. I am also one of those who tends to look for the good in people - but sometimes that can be a trap as you tend to not be alert to those who might not always have your best interests at heart.
Also I think this has influenced that fact that in the past - I have given previous relationships a much longer life-span than they should have had - because I always wanted to believe that deep down the person did really care as they said they did - when their actions screamed that they didn't.

Ex-Melbourne - I have absolutely no doubt that there are women who do the same. And yes, you do wonder what they hope to achieve by doing this - I mean people will 'spot the difference' :)

Unique - thank you and the same to you :)
And I suspect Stephen might quite like that :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 23, 2011 10:09 AM

Hello to all of the other bloggers on this topic of age and photos. I can assure you that my photo is genuiney me in March 2011; what you see is what you get now, the only difference is that I've had all my hair cut off so you can see how little there is top (obviously being pushed out by the massive number of brain cells).
Several months ago I was contacted by a lady whose photo and profile was very attractive - couldn't believe my luck; when we met, she still looked good but is clearly a number of years older than the photo. I wondered then what she was trying to achieve. SO there you go ladies, it happens both ways.
L

Posted by: exmelbourne at November 22, 2011 9:36 PM

Diggin it Pete! And love the nic

Amber: Always enjoy reading your comments

LLTD: Enjoy your balanced approach too

Tink & Remi: Always tactful & considerate :-)

Peacesixty: Wont take you long to get dragged off into a cave somewhere lol... Cheeky thoughts to you!!

Stephen54: If you were in Sydney, I'd give you a good hard spanking lol

Foodie: You're just gorgeous!

NEW PEOPLE: Welcome to the jungle. Grab a Midori & Pineapple on the rocks lol

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 22, 2011 4:39 PM

Thanks for the 'nice young man' bit, msmagnet ;)) xxx Even though from the look of it im one of the younger ones on the blogs, i still dream of the day i get asked for ID at the liquor store. Ill be jumping that counter to smack a kiss on that staff member.

I just think if you start with the attitude towards dating that you're out to find friends and then maybe a relationship (if it so happens) it wont set you up as much in developing a negative attitude. You then walk away from the date having gained a friend, and not a wasted stamp.

Posted by: wallstreet3 at November 22, 2011 4:19 PM

John brings to light that we ultimately attract what our current state is. We don�t attract what we want, we attract who we are.

Change your state, change who you attract, change your dating results� I agree.

In what I�ve learnt also is change the way you look at your partner, you change the way you see them and experience them, and sometimes automatically influence change in them, by focusing on their good points.

I have always made it my rule to see more, that the relationship I have with another has ultimately in the end, absolutely nothing to do with the other, but has everything to do with being aware of what type of thoughts and judgements I hold about them.

This is something I am not an expert at, but every new relationship I get into I see how it comes more and more true.

Blessings to everyone in their dating

Pete

Posted by: egodisolver at November 22, 2011 3:33 PM

Posted by: ladylikestodance at November 22, 2011 11:55 AM

Yes I always find that amusing LLTD - how so many men put photos on their profiles of how they used to look 10-20 years ago.

I can guarantee most of us were much better looking 20 years ago, too :)

But unless we are jumping into a "Back to the Future" type time machine and heading back to the 80s or 90s - sadly we will all have to meet each other the way we look now.

So it wouldn't it be a good idea if we could at least recognise each other? :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 22, 2011 2:32 PM

Well said Lady, agree wholeheartedly, especially on the busy front. How flattering too!! To have such a nice young man who is interested in such things too, Wallstreet3, it's nice to have you around and blogging. We like male input and people who can be helpful, thought provoking and contribute in a nice way. As you say the site and the Blogs are for making friends and if any more develops from there then we consider ourselves blessed.
Magnet

Posted by: msmagnet11 at November 22, 2011 2:31 PM

I need to get some more stamps to get in touch ladylikestodance :)

Posted by: wallstreet3 at November 22, 2011 1:59 PM

I have two left feet for dancing, but it seems i'm stepping on peoples toes wherever i go nowadays anyway. Ill just come in bare feet so i dont squish toes then :)

The soul is a daring place to delve, you never know what scary things you could find. I dont know why people dont have recent photos. What do they think will happen when they are seen for real?? I know we all put our most glamorous photos up to catch the eye but it is always going to disappoint when you cant airbrush the wrinkles out or add the extra hair for the initial meeting.

Posted by: wallstreet3 at November 22, 2011 1:22 PM

Wallstreet3
"Gee, if my game was to fudge my age as i've heard some do, i would be tempted to make myself older just to go see Bach with you when im next in Sydney. Dont know about the RSVP events. What are they about??"

LOL how flattering, (smiling sweetly) but usually the fudging is the other way - I didn't recognise my first meet, his profile picture was so old - he had hair!

RSVP events are social gatherings/speed dating opportunities/travel etc., I receive emails promoting upcoming events, it's also listed on the website. I have been to a few dance parties at the Greenwood, North Sydney. So, if in town, let me know, I'm always happy to make new friends especially if they dance!!

AnA, guilty as charged! I peeped too. So glad your getting traffic - we should see you in the top100 soon ;)

Just on the numbers game, unfortunately that is the way it is. Unless someone can offer a better formular My experience is that it's a 1% chance of finding that elusive connection. That's a lot of gents to meet. And even though I think I'm thorough in my search criteria, gents just never cease to amaze me. You read the profile and think, wow - he sounds great. But, invariably it does not translate well in the 3D. Disappointingly, some have little social skills, are too self important, too selfish, too busy. The winners are those rare brave warriors who dare to be thought provoking, deep, meaningful, witty, articulate with a healthy dose of honesty and origeedigeenality.

Ahh deep sigh!

Stops you in your tracks - How many are willing to let others take a peep at their soul?

Rare indeed!

Smile - it increases your face value ;))

Posted by: ladylikestodance at November 22, 2011 11:55 AM

I think dating can become far too serious and therefore encouraging negative vibes. My music teacher once told us (at dinner one night, not in the class room) that he and his wife have the best type of marriage: an open one. That way they can be themselves and love each other without becoming consuming. I think a lot of the negative feelings come from wanting to "own" another person and worrying that if they choose the wrong one, they are stuck with them. Not saying that open relationships are the way to go necessarily, but rather if we relax a bit and stop worrying, we can be ourselves and enjoy the whole experience more.

Posted by: reminiscing1 at November 22, 2011 11:42 AM

I know Sweets! Ha, ha, ha, he cooked dinner for me the night before last so I thought I owed him. He didn't take long though. No need for sorry..winks...

I know I have to be very careful who I spend time with. I do soak up the negative of others and they skip off feeling great and I'm left with their, well, shit quite frankly. I can get rid of it now and know when I can't stay in one place any longer. But man! When you walk into a place where there is negativity, it's like walking from air-conditioning to outside on a especially hot day...takes your breath away!

Most of what John has written are good tips and you can play/tweak them to what might feel even more comfortable to you and there are people about who can help you get started, working on getting rid of the negative in a spiritual vein.

M xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 22, 2011 11:04 AM

margie margie..lol..Can see who rules the roost in your house hahaha! Your son and facebook lol! Sorry.. I couldn't resist that..winks...

Just thinking now of this topic which deals with negativitiy regarding dating but how many of you have friends or family who are just negative in most of their thinking? It sure can be energy sapping when being confronted by someone you care about in your life if they are in this frame of mind. I have spent hours some times trying to help others improve their frame of mind when it is in this mindset. When you care about someone, it's what you want to do but if you are not careful, this frame of mind in another can bring you down with it and burn you out quickly so certainly in regards to dating if one were to come about a great deal of negativity, it would not encourage another to stay around for very long especially when at that stage no feelings would be involved.

Sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at November 22, 2011 8:44 AM

Hi all,

I thought it worth sharing that I have just hit the 100 views of my profile (104 actually) in the past 21 days. Obviously because I have been posting. Yes yes I know that 102 of them aren't even remotely relevant but I draw two conclusions:

- it is in everyone on RSVP's interest to join the blogs and post
- be aware, we are being observed.

And what a great thing that is.

AnA

Posted by: ananachronism at November 21, 2011 10:46 PM

Wallstreet3: "let's not reduce dating only to a "what i want" attitude, but also what can i give and learn from" and I agree with you there. A little less selfishness in the world would be nice.

Everything lately has been coming back to 'everyone is different', for me. You can rant and rave and tell people they should be doing such-n-such or not doing something else. In the end, they will do what their head or heart leads them to do.

I have to get off for a minute, my son has a "Facebook" emergency!!! Ha, ha, ha, ha!

M xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 21, 2011 7:17 PM

LLTD: I agree with how the blogs help every one of us. I have certainly learned (and continue to learn) great stuff... There is a big difference to knowing stuff intellectually and living what we know. I also like how John breaks it down into point form that we can all relate to lol...

It's great to have a REAL mix of opinions, thoughts, and feelings on here

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 21, 2011 6:17 PM

to ladylikestodance; one can never have too many friends, i completely agree. Gee, if my game was to fudge my age as i've heard some do, i would be tempted to make myself older just to go see Bach with you when im next in Sydney. Dont know about the RSVP events. What are they about??

re AnA; i still dont get why it is to be interpreted as a numbers thing. My intent has been to make friends. If anything was to eventuate beyond that that would be great, but my intent has been fulfilled. The whole concept of dating doesn't sit with me. The relationships i've had in the past have been developed when a friendship has been firmed in the first place.

Posted by: wallstreet3 at November 21, 2011 5:50 PM

Carry on as you are until you get sick of getting nowhere... This is the BEST catalyst for change lol... SICK & TIRED of getting nowhere...

I did 10yrs with no relationship no sex after leaving the first husband - sorting through my own shit, reading, researching etc to understand myself, men, relationships. Didn't miss sex or intimacy because I didn't like it.

Theory and practical? Uh huh lol... 12yrs later I married the love of my life thinking I knew everything then the REAL education began. And I learned... We learn through experiencing it hands on WHILE IN relationship... All the issues I THOUGHT I had dealt with were confronted in this 2nd marriage... He gave me 7yrs of refining and re-adjusting but at least I was aware of what came up as it unfolded. And I owned it etc... Never made excuses or complained... Just sought solutions...

In the end, living with a partner who has a personality disorder (negativistic avoidant) will inevitably drive you to misery... He hadn't begun let alone was ABLE to see or own HIS stuff... However...

While there IS a place for negativity in life... To encounter it on a dating site with someone who says they're looking for someone to share and/or spend the rest of their life with???

This is what NOT having a negative mindset toward dating feels like...

1. You're happy to date

2. You're not afraid of rejection

3. You want to enjoy great company

4. You dont think negatively

5. You don't look for the negatives

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 21, 2011 4:42 PM

Posted by: wallstreet3 at November 21, 2011 11:35 AM

Firstly, thank you for your post, there are some well considered and personal insights contained within it.

Like many things, the concept of this being a numbers game needs to be understood and related to. It is partly a coping strategy, it is partly a way of being able to look to the future knowing that one day your number will come up.

I don't for a milisecond believe that the vast majority of people on this site aren't heavily emotionally involved or seeking a lasting emotional connection.

Whilst I hear what you say about the first few meetings have become friends, I would interpret that as part of the numbers game.

AnA

Posted by: ananachronism at November 21, 2011 3:21 PM

Lots of great comments on here. I too, was a little lost in the cyber love land, and for me the best educational was reading the blogs; this is where I found raw reality, like minded souls expressing their experiences, wisdom and woes. People sharing and nurturing each other (well most of the time - they play nice!).

I think the blogs should be promoted to newbies - many don't know of their existence. This is a quasi support group, albeit not in the preferred 3D version, but very close and most important, I found, insightful and honest.

I�ve been fortunate to have befriended and emailed other bloggers and feel not so alone on this journey. And I would love to meet fellow bloggers; infact if other Sydney siders are interested we could piggy back on an RSVP social event. Wouldn�t that be a hoot � we�d be the one�s having the bestest time.

What I also found was, when I changed my mindset from looking for Mr Right and utilized RSVP for the tool which it is designed: to provide introductions to interesting gents. I have met some wonderful people who I have befriended. Who can better understand where you�re at, how it feels to be online dating than another going through the same deal. And these people have friends and so that can open up other doors. Who knows what could come of it, but all you have to do is smile and send those kisses.

One can never have too many friends�
Cheers

Posted by: ladylikestodance at November 21, 2011 2:29 PM

Correct me if I'm wrong but is being cynical a positive mindset?

It is my opinion that people with negative mindsets shouldn't be here but the reality is they ARE - along with the mentally unwell, the insecure, the jealous etc... These types exist in cyber as well as in the real world... I don't tell them to GET OFF here or make them feel unwelcome. I simply say look in the mirror and sort your issues out before you get on here with a negative mindset... Where's it gonna get ya?

Everyone has a choice

You are entitled to your opinion and some of you might perceive it as rude - it isn't, it's just my blunt opinion. None of you are board moderators and I for one am glad that they allow the blunt posts of those who are in the minority like me.

I would never want to date someone with a negative dating mindset!!!

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 21, 2011 12:22 PM

This is the first time i am weighing in on an blog and my ignorance may show through here. Im dismayed by Johns tips. Goodness, im sorry to think you claim yourself to be an expert on dating and relationships. The only one i'll somewhat agree with is 4, but like many i agree this is easier said that done and ill expand more when i come to it. I too may be one that falls into this category of negative talk but ive pulled myself apart to understand why.

1. How can one can not take dating personally? Relationships are all about personalities and when you reduce it to a numbers game, where does the romance, the butterflies, the chivalry (for men) go? Im not interested in racking up as many dates simply in order to get my best chance at finding my 'ideal partner', while eliminating (another repulsive term) all the others. Please, let's not disrespect others by seeing each other as a number.

2. The point of letting go of the past is not easy. If one is not letting go of the past he/she probably should not be dating. Its important to see why you're not letting go. Im in this category, but i got on here to find new friends because of the location i am in. Like mishka79 said, "if someone has made such an imprint on your heart...hiding photo's etc isn't going to just make that go away". This simply takes out of sight the issue as to why youre not letting go. The greatest memory i have of my partner is not in a photo but that which is in my heart.

3. Friends and family will only put up with so much. If you become too reliant on others, you'll quickly find them getting tired of you and you will be without them soon enough. In smaller communities this is isn't so easy to manage either.

4. I agree; negative talk isn't helpful but not easy to stop when you're still struggling with understanding what you may have done wrong in successive relationships. I have just learnt to shut up now. This is where the problem of the 'numbers' dating game, the more you go on means the less that are being successful and this will play on your mindset. Maybe just being more selective on which dates to go on might help save this.

5. I think when you limit yourself to an ideal partner' you lose on meeting some wonderful people in life. My very first 'coffee date' on here is a lady who is still one of the best friends i have, although nothing ever romantic happened between us. Really, the few people i have met I still have contact with as friends. Yes, surely we all have someone in mind who we would love to eventually meet but truly the person i come to love above all may not be the Anne Hathaways of this world (unless someone has her phone number??).

Please tell me I am wrong, if I am but let's not reduce dating only to a "what i want" attitude, but also what can i give and learn from.

Posted by: wallstreet3 at November 21, 2011 11:35 AM

AnA, love that idea. Magnet's is a good one - much nicer than what I would have suggested. My '3 little words" would never get past the powers that be.

Although after reading comments posted after yours AnA all of us who are cynical, had a gutful of rude people etcetera etcetera 'shouldn't be here"/

Oops there's only one blogger left!!!!!!!!

Have a good day everyone. Whatever xo

Posted by: whateveritmeans at November 21, 2011 6:29 AM

mishka

We all have the best support network WITHIN US... your last sentence hit it on the head gf... Each one of us is responsible for OURSELVES and our own happiness... And that starts from... Within :-)

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 20, 2011 10:22 PM

argh! typo! i did mean sabotaging our 'chances' not 'changes' in that last paragraph.

Posted by: mishka79 at November 20, 2011 9:31 PM

Firstly thank you msmagnets (earth mother) for your warm welcome :)

I was out for dinner last night with a girlfriend of mine who had previously tried RSVP but had no luck. I was mentioning the blogs cause I have been enjoying reading them lately and was specifically telling her about this one. In fact I read out the key signs for her and as I'm reading through them she was like 'yep thats me, me again'. And I realised then, maybe that's where her 'bad luck' was coming from, focusing too much on the past, the negatives etc.

I guess we know that negativity exists, and probably most of us go through periods of it whether just a little or to the extent of the full list above. But how do we overcome it?!

John's tips are very valid, however some are easier said than done. I've seen quite a few of you comment that the support network just isn't there. So as much as its a great suggestion to use your support network, if we dont' have one then it doesn't help. Likewise with letting go of the past...if someone has made such an imprint on your heart...hiding photo's etc isn't going to just make that go away.

But i suppose the most important thing would be to recognise the signs that we could be self sabotaging our own changes. Being simply aware could be the biggest step toward turning that negative mindset around.

Posted by: mishka79 at November 20, 2011 8:57 PM

Love this topic John hahahaha and hey, tell your editors to let some of the hairy REAL shit go - sometimes hearing it point blank can help. I figure if we're all mostly over 30-40+ that we SHOULD be able to handle it.

If you have a negative mindset and you're reading this, how do you think you'll react? LOL... I read some of the comments on these blogs and make mental notes like everyone else does. It's great being able to read peoples mindsets through their profiles and their comments. Sometimes, they're polar opposites lol

People who feel sorry for themselves (on here and IRL) are a major turn off for me and personally, I think they shouldn't be in the dating game at all! If you have a negative mindset, do yourself, and everyone else a favour - Take some time out and address your emotional baggage... If you have a negative mindset, YES you need to consult with the person staring back at you in the mirror... Unless of course you're not looking for anything emotional or complicated :-)

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at November 20, 2011 7:54 PM

I'm not bothered if Sweet goes off topic. It doesn't happen too often and I don't have to read another medical essay from Foodie!!

As you were....

M xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 20, 2011 6:24 PM

sweetmixture at November 19, 2011 8:47 PM

Well you said it in - err let me check.

70 words - Great :)

Completely of topic - sorry about that.

Posted by: stephen54 at November 20, 2011 5:01 PM

diamond, you have some very valid points there..Many of the tv programs have us perceive families and marriages as being perfection and we all know that is not the case. Being true to ones self I think is very important and then finding the one who can accept you..warts and all..now that would be fantastic!

Any really negative traits one has can be worked on and hopefully improve if we care at all about changing but it must be for our own sake rather than someone elses.

remi was right in what she says also about people continuing to grow in the lifetime of their marriage. Sometimes only one person grows while the other feels disgruntled watching the other pursue new interests which deprives them of time with their partner. It is vitally important that we realise each of us will develop and explore new interests but hopefully there will be some that can be shared together. This ultimately will keep the marriage fresh and there will always be something new to discuss

Not sure about what remis gp says though about the 3 partners. Does that mean I have 2 more to go? lol!

Sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at November 20, 2011 11:05 AM

100 words?? Oh stephen.. I just enjoy reading the blogs whether 100 or 1000 words lol! One certainly cannot always say all that needs to be said in 100 words!! Just ask msmagnet..lol..sorry..being cheeky now but I think she will agree with me on this one! Thank goodness RSVP do not have a limit on how many words we can use otherwise some of my blogs would never be posted!!

Sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at November 19, 2011 8:47 PM

Ok here is the thing.

I want your thoughts in about 100 words.

I am not going to read a big navel gazing blog. Maybe that it is my issue I should look into but I wont.

So - Thing is - If your posting more then say two paragraphs I wont read it.

But thats just me. Cheers

Posted by: stephen54 at November 19, 2011 7:37 PM

There is an aspect of failure though if two people marry with the intention of living happily, then one does all the work and the other doesn't bother, or one grows through learning and the other simply acts out their default behaviors passed on from their parents and doesn't want to change. I think it's a failure if attempts are made to succeed and they don't work. Where there is no attempt it's possible to say that it didn't fail. People change so much throughout their lives. Changing continuously congruently is a seeming impossibility. My gp reckons we should expect about three partners in our life time. It's just a matter of finding them I suppose.

Posted by: reminiscing1 at November 19, 2011 1:48 PM

Ohhh wonderful msmagnet just peachy lol! You always say the most interesting things..smiles...

I guess the support network I have trouble with too. I certainly cannot talk to my children much (although I do sometimes) about it. My daughter has it all figured out and enjoys the bossy approach of..how I should do this or that..lol.and the men SHE picks out..hahaha.. certainly not MY type lol!.My son listens but doesn't really say much... My best friend keeps asking.."when are you going to find that man friend you promised your husband you would find"...I made a promise to my dying husband..sighh... after he asked me to.....So support network..sheesh..not sure I really have one of those as such!

Myself I never think of a prospective date in a negative kind of way...more of looking forward to a little social outing which could be filled with lots of surprises ..smiles.. hopefully good ones...

Yes magnet... it is nice to see new folks coming in and blogging...Moonlight..intandem and mishka..good to see your contributions...and hope to see more in the future.. smiles..

Sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at November 19, 2011 1:31 PM

How to get over a negative dating mindset ? The author (John) writes of visualising an ideal partner, which is fine, especially regarding deal-breakers, but it may in fact be setting oneself up for an unrealistic fantasy. People are not perfect or ideal....Heck, we all marry or get involved with somebody we feel at the time is ideal, however, look at how many of these otherwise clever, well adjusted people are on internet dating websites having been divorced from their so called ideal partner !!! The ridiculous notions of perfection portrayed by mass media is the reason so many relationships are busting apart, and why some people find dating so disappointing and arduous. Too many people subconsciously project the ideals of tv shows such as Sex and The City and McLeod's Daughters as having some basis in romantic reality. You want to find Mr or Miss 'Ideal' ? Chances are they don't exist. You'd be better served aspiring to meet Mr or Miss 'Normal' who'll be authenticly themselves, rather than the doomed-for- failure pressure of acting out some media stereotype of a 'good catch'. As in Billy Joel's song : "I just want someone that I can talk to...I Want You Just The Way You Are".
Revisit the lyrics someday....it has a simple message some of our generation of shipwrecked romantic souls can benefit from.

Posted by: diamond1966 at November 19, 2011 1:20 PM

Dear John Suggested title of the next blog, Time to Talk About How Much Money Youv'e Got. My profile headline says something like The Greatest Thing since Sliced Bread, too good to be true, afraid so there is no property portfolio to go with that. I thought that would give the young ladies the impression I do not own my ow n home, correct. But we can be getting on marvellously and then they dissapear into cyberspace with out a word.
I have updated my profile to spell it out so if it is an issue, quite simple don't contact me. I can understand it is a valid concern for some people. One of my issues is neurotic pets/pet owners but I have clearly stated that on my profile. The most recent reaction I got was the same as if I had said, by the way I have AID's.
I am a poor person because I had a property stlmnt. & lost heaps in the world financial meltdown, not because of past/present addictions etc. I am financially independant/secure just can't afford the 3 bed brick venerial. Wondering how the other poor people are going on RS. Mal

Posted by: musicmal at November 19, 2011 1:16 PM

The right person will actually love your "true colours" :-)
Posted by: moonlightsonata65 at November 19, 2011 9:32 AM

I think you are so right there :)

Posted by: msmagnet11 at November 19, 2011 11:09 AM

I agree Mags (AKA Earth Mother) - I used to see my marriage as a 'failure' too - but now I realise 22 years wasn't all that bad (but it is way too long to be so unhappy) and I learned so much about myself and life during that time.
And I have four great young people to be proud of, who are also negotiating and learning about life.

But I can only hope I have influenced them a little more positively than my own parents did me!

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 19, 2011 11:53 AM

OOPs just posted before it was finished ...ha ha. Where was I.
Marriage breakups are just "Marriages that lasted for X amount of yrs and then ended." I still feel that way now and refuse to talk about a "Failed"marriage. They say "The only failure is to not try" but some of my positivity is ebbing away. I have had no trouble dating in the past but finding the right one is the hard part and it is getting harder to find men who will simply give it a go.
I also agree with Big, the part about visualizing is going to put you in the realms of the the Over zealous type that John tells us not to become " spend some time each day visualising yourself with this new partner - introducing them to your friends and family, being intimate, getting married, having kids, going on holiday together etc" eeeewwww sounds to me like a desperate and a person setting themselves up for a fall when the feelings are not reciprocated.
Agree Mishka79, I see all dates as prospective friends and if there is more then that is great.
Intandem, there are unfortunately some people [not me] who will never get over their past relationships and keep it uppermost in their minds all the time, it does get difficult to deal with that. Liked all of your comments.
To all the newies keep posting, we enjoy the new perspectives.
So Sweetmix, is that good enough...lol
Magnet

Posted by: msmagnet11 at November 19, 2011 11:09 AM

Well I had better get my act together, lots of posts since the challenge was put out by Sweetmix for me to respond. Great to see new names coming up, Welcome from the Earth Mother...lol.
Well yes, it is a bit repetitive but so am I starting to sound that way....ha ha. It has obviously struck a chord with a few so let me see what I can add.
Firstly Big, there are a lot of men who will indeed complain about their love life and their exe's and proposition you, you are just one of the nice one's.
"Support Network" yes agree, what is that? I cannot talk to my 15 yr old as she is just beginning to know all of this and I don't want to colour her perspective in any way, my sons are busy with their own lives, girlfriends in the same difficult boat as me so that doesn't leave many areas. Talking to a happy couple is not the answer, talking to another single [ unless also being successful] ends up a tad self fulfilling. I was an extremely positive person and spent hours trying to tell friends to look at marriage break

Posted by: msmagnet11 at November 19, 2011 10:41 AM

I'd like to meet John. Is he a young therapist, who had read all the books, but not travelled the journey? Those books are awesome for keeping doors open etc.

Isn't dating, or searching for someone, a personal experience? I would be worried if I didn't get that pang of disappointment when I get a "thanks, but no thanks" response. It would mean that I didn't care, and thus shouldn't be out there messing with peoples emotions pretending to care. Let go of the past? I get that, but wouldn't "resolve your past" be a better way to look at it? Our past experiences give us the bits and pieces to bring into future relationships - what to do (what works) and what not to do (what doesn't work). Support network? We live in a very perfectionistic world where to talk to people about our problems is expected to be kept to a therapy room, and cost dollars. All that being said, it is good to build activities and interests outside of dating - movie groups, reading groups, etc. That way if the dating doesn't work, you do have other bits in your life to distract you from the "ouch" of any dating woes. Avoid negative talk? I am a very positive person, but life is full of negatives! You can't ignore it. Own it, but don't let it take over. You can even have a laugh about it. Visualise? Spend too much time doing this, you might just miss the person who could be awesome. Action generally produces more results I find. Besides, in what appears to be perfect on looks etc, maybe fraught with deceit, maltreatment, and generally "tosser" personality (yep - I've met one of those before lol).

I guess the biggest message is to not put the negatives out there on the first couple of emails/dates. Aren't we supposed to put our best foot forward for at least 6 months to lure them into our world? lol. Or maybe it is better to show our colours up front so the prospective partner knows what they are getting into? The right person will actually love your "true colours" :-)

Posted by: moonlightsonata65 at November 19, 2011 9:32 AM

I like what John has said and I agree with it wholeheartedly. As someone who has been in relationship therapy and worked at a deep level on 'letting go of and healing my past' I can say first hand that meeting someone who has not made the effort to change and heal their life and attitude is very difficult. I have dated many times on rsvp and have found that a lot of men have no idea about letting go and healthy relating. I imagine it is the same with a lot of women. So it leaves a few of us left with a lot of people who not only take dating personally but sometimes even 'blame' (in their attitude) their dates for not being who they want them to be. Oh, and I might just reply to Thebigman9 and say that there ARE men who say 'I haven't been laid in months, wanna help me out'. No not very endearing, but I do always admire an honest man. Being real, being honest, is, after all, a very important part of relating. Not that I would suggest this is the best thing to say if you want to begin a relationship, but I think it is a very good insight into learning to be more of ourselves and more real. Thanks for letting me add my little bit. Thanks John, your comments reflect healthy relating ideals. And I did enjoy your comments too bigman...about the kids, I can totally relate to that...and yes, support network, support network? What support network?

Posted by: intandem at November 18, 2011 10:25 PM

Winks at margie..hehehe

Sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at November 18, 2011 10:24 PM

I think John has some good points here, but like with most of the blogs it can never relate to everyone. When it comes to dating everyone is so different. There are people out there who've never played 'the dating game' and so trying not to take it personally when things don't work out with a date would be much harder, and in general would probably find dating a daunting prospect.

On the other hand there are people who live for dating and find it exciting and fun, and could possibly quite easily brush off a dead end date and happily move to the next. I guess all we can do is take the bits out of the blogs, if any, that may be relevant to our own situations.

As for getting over a negative dating mindset...maybe just a good start would be to think of each person you meet as a potential friend rather than something more, that way you don't inadvertently get your hopes up?! lol realistically I have no idea :) But i'm certainly not planning on 'putting myself out there' by going to clubs.

Posted by: mishka79 at November 18, 2011 10:00 PM

My last 2 exes, I met in bars. They hunted me down, don't know where they got my number but in the end, contacted me. I guess it depends where you live but I can say in a small town (where everyone else judges you as having failed and you don't have to do it to yourself), pubs are not where a 50yr old lady can meet the "man of her dreams". Ha, ha, ha!

M xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 18, 2011 8:55 PM

I think you are a cheeky buggar Sweetie....all good!

M xxx

Posted by: margie284 at November 18, 2011 8:49 PM

Who is this guy John. "point 2 go out to bars and clubs?" ugh. The last type of person I want to meet is someone who is hanging out in bars and clubs.

Posted by: citylady1 at November 18, 2011 8:02 PM

This is an interesting topic and John's points are quite good. "Don't take it personally" is easy to say but can be emotionally fraught with danger. It does become soul-destroying when kiss after kiss is returned with, "thanks but no thanks". Or when those who kiss you are so far removed from your ideal partner that you are left to wonder if your wish is a dream and not reality.

"Let go of your past" sounds easy but can be exceptionally difficult especially if the past relationship was a long one and involved kids as has been mentioned elsewhere already.

"Rely on our support networks", okay I get that but what do you do when you're my age and your kids aren't all that interested? As I've stated before, they say to me, "dad if you're happy we're happy". Who do I now turn to? My ex? My divorced mates?

"Avoid negative talk". As was said in '3 men and a baby', "what a crock"! At every meeting I've been to invariably questions are asked about why my marriage broke up. And when I answer, 'we just drifted apart, stopped communicating and our marriage had run its course', that's viewed as a negative response. Also, complaining about your love-life? Please, what person in their right mind is going to complain about their love-life to a complete stranger at an RSVP first meeting?

"Hi (insert name), I haven't been laid in months! Wanna help me out and see if the engine still works?" That's really going to endear you to your new date isn't it?

And finally, "visualise your new partner". Fair dinkum, what rot! How can a potential relationship work if the lady sitting opposite me is thinking of Brad Pitt or George Clooney and I'm thinking of Elle McPherson or Elle McPherson!

Trying to remain positive is the best way to go through life not just this dating game. We all get knocked down, but it is our ability to get back up and keep fighting that tells the world what sort of person we are. I'm going to continue my search because I know she's out there.

Posted by: thebigman9 at November 18, 2011 7:20 PM

Hmm I can't wait for msmagnets response to this one...Will sit back and wait....

To be honest..so much of this topic has already been covered in the others....

I really feel that John is expected to come up with new topics all too quickly so we are just getting more of the same but I am not disputing he knows his stuff..

Wonder what John' personal history is..hehehehehehehe

Sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at November 18, 2011 4:13 PM