RSVP Blog

I was in a dating mindset that turned into a mindless exercise in the end. I would meet a guy and pretty much roll my eyes

NEXT!!!

If you want something exclusive?

Hmmm what's going to sway ME is my attraction for him and his own admission of

I want you to be all mine

In MY mind, he has to want it

Posted by: ooouniqueooo at January 11, 2012 7:35 AM

Hmm so is this post being put to bed now or what?

Sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at December 11, 2011 3:14 PM

Wow..was just reading the posts here..old ones now for sure..I seem to have had a good friendship building up with someone back then which has now gone out of the window..lol..Oh well.. I can laugh about it now..and there were actually some very good times but it was just not meant to last...sighhh

I did enjoy reading some of these old posts however and hearing what msmagnet was up to regarding her jams..smiles..

Wonder how "anokguy" went with his new found love last year. Hopefully it has and still is working out for the two of them..smiles...

Sweetmix (63)

Posted by: sweetmixture at December 3, 2011 7:58 AM

That's great news anokayguy! Best of luck!

Posted by: puresilky1 at September 13, 2010 3:51 PM

OMG, you are tending to sound cynical, is life that boring for you???
I hazard a guess that it has gone faster for Sweetmixture because of her new man and her busy family life, half her luck hey. I am sure if you try you can find something to make it go faster for you. I find the blogging helps, with a laugh and a sharing of stories. My jam making/ market escapades are a constant source of time accelerating moments. Before I know it I am starting again for next month.
Well keep safe all from cold, cloudy Melbourne.
PS Tried your trick of Copying before posting SM and saved a blog, phew, so do it all the time now. Thnx
MsM09

Posted by: msmagnet09 at September 13, 2010 1:00 PM

Dear sweetmixture
Permit me to attempt to answer your question offered in post dated 29 August ....

This year probably went the same way as every other bloody year.
You know -- Hour by hour -Day by day - Month by month etc etc... :-)

OGM

Posted by: onegoodman1 at September 12, 2010 10:32 AM

Christmas, gosh hadn't thought of that one ! I was just loving spring as this is the first year in my life I have been home not working and have gone nuts in my garden. It will look beautiful this year I know with loads of colour and also lots of fresh 'stuff' to eat.

I really like the 'outdoor' living stuff and one day when I sell here my next house will have more outdoor than indoor and then go bananas in the garden. I like digging gardens and bashing down walls so should be fun. I can just imagine it, covered in dirt, slinging a hammer with kittens and puppies watching over.

We try to eat fresh unprocessed food so growing lots of stuff. I have a real aversion to supermarkets and never go unless it's for washing powder/soap etc. I think we have all been conned for far too long but that's my little stance. I would like to see everyone try to grow food in their own gardens and really give them a push.

Posted by: iaminperth at September 7, 2010 11:36 AM

Hope it all goes well anokayguy.
Good luck :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at September 7, 2010 10:27 AM

Hello All,

I know this one is kind of out of date now. I just wat to let you all know that i have met someone fantastic - just when i thought I wouldn't. She is everything i listed on my ideal profile and a lot more. I actually met her via another site. She emailed me just at the moment I was going to quit that one in disgust. A lot of false profiles on that one. You can tell from the ones that get recycled.. Rose cooured glasses are well and truly on but the sensible, analytical side of me is ok with it all. Good luck everyone. I'll look in from time to time just to see what's cooking - usually jam it seems :-)

Posted by: anokayguy at September 7, 2010 1:00 AM

Nearly Spring...yah Am sooo over Winter. SweetM that is unfortunately what happens when we live such busy lives and the heralding of Spring means Christmas is around the corner. Come on guys, throw off those winter woolies and get some Spring thoughts into your actions. I have come to realize that men do still want to be the ones to make the first move, to do the chasing so to speak, for all the kisses I have sent out it always comes back to the guys that send kisses being the keener of the bunch. I know it must be flattering for you men to see that a woman finds you interesting but you seem to prefer to choose so lets get some action happening out there[ not just me but for all the lovely ladies] Couldn't post this on the other blog as they have relegated it to archives.
SweetM , glad to hear all is well, Roses what a nice man [love yellow myself] but I would have picked you for a pink rose lady easily. I am heading North in January for a hol and to catch up with my pal there. Need it badly, the cold and market stuff has worn me out. Got 2 batches of chutney to do today and then 100 or so jars to clean, label and put hats on...phew. Have another pen friend [ if you haven't heard] so having fun with talking all over Aus. You know that isn't hard for me ha ha.
Son went and got a speeding fine [not much over at least] to add to the trauma. Had to deliver an ultimatum that if he does anything like that again the finances will dry up and he will be on his own... tough love maybe but as you have seen it works out in the long run. Anything to keep him safe.
All of you keep safe too and will talk again but maybe not till after Market day or I need to take a break.
MsM09

Posted by: msmagnet09 at August 31, 2010 10:44 AM

anokayguy..funny..sweetmixtureie ..hahaha..thats not my real name silly..smiles....and oh..you have a "seraphic" smile? That I would love to see. A guy who looks like a cherubim... cough cough!! Glad to hear about your new friend anokayguy..another one hiding their profile....smiles. It does seem weird to me hiding mine though, now I have done it. Funny how you met her away from RSVP after all your disapppointments but I am very happy for you..

Iaminperth, I can tell you love cooking as I have seen what you cook many a time in the blogs since I have been reading them..smiles...there is nothing quite like the smell of baking or cooking..on the top of the stove or in the oven. Well looking forward to reading the next few blogs....

msmagnet09..I have not met the new "girl" in my friend's life as yet. She is having a few "touch up's" first before I get to meet her..hehehehe. Big big bouquet of deep pink roses for my birthday from my friend a nd the birthday dinner with family went much better than expected. I enjoyed it very much msmagnet, thank you for asking. Sorry to hear about your son's accident but glad he wasn't hurt. Nice to know your pen pal and you are getting along famously also. Your migraine remedies will be applied next time and I will be very happy to try something new.

Can't believe my daughter and I have been chatting about Christmas already. Who is going where and taking what, sort of things. Where has this year gone? Can anyone please tell me??

Posted by: sweetmixture at August 29, 2010 9:35 PM

I love cooking and messing around in the kitchen but I don't know how you guys can make so much food without piling on the weight. I'm like a kid in a candy store and still love to lick the bowl. Fresh made jam needs fresh baked bread and butter, oh yum ! but another kg or two. Not a mad chocky eater but love anything with fruit and then at the other end of the spectrum, fresh baked bread, hot , spread with lashings of butter and vegemite. My daughter and I ate a whole loaf one night for dinner with a couple of glasses of red.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 26, 2010 4:47 PM

Hi OK and others,
Well good for you OK, hope this works out. At least you won't have to use a BBQ excuse, haha, or maybe it WAS a BBQ where you met?
I don't necessarily agree with you that this is a casual dating site. I have definitely not taken it on as such. My ex partner and I both had full intentions of a relationship when we were on back in 05 and he has since married a woman that he met here in 09 [8 weeks after we separated but I'm not judging {much}] I do agree that some of the men and women have that idea but if the one you meet "floats your boat" as they say I'm sure they would change their tune. I can't believe that anyone wishes to be alone in their senior years and that is not even thinking of the young ones who are looking for a future here. Hope the "new love" is a good remedy for the migraines or that some of mine work. Keep blogging tho.
Made a lovely batch of Apple and Berry jam, yummy. All is on track for next market, pray that the weather will be good and not too cold. Hurry up Spring, when a man's fancy turns to.........!!!
Hey Amber and others, have you tried the chocky cake ? Amber where are you?
Sweetmix, how's the car and your dinner with the family?
Bye for now,
MsM09

Posted by: msmagnet09 at August 26, 2010 11:25 AM

Sorry to hear about your son in law SM, bit childish. No matter what happens he is still going to see you throughout his life with the children so what's the point. Oh well, people do strange things at times.

I always got on well with my in laws even after the divorce. We didn't always agree on everything but both sides could have their little 'rant' and then get over it. After all it's the kids welfare you are looking at.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 26, 2010 10:16 AM

Hello All,

I have been busy as well and, although it is scary, I am about to hide my profile. I met someone (not on RSVP) and I am very hopeful that it will develop into something wonderful. I just can't do the multiple dating thing and am not judging anyone who does. After all, it's a casual dating site. You pays your money, you takes your chances. For me, dating a number of people compromises your chances of committing to one. But that's just me. I have a seraphic smile that appears out of nowhere thesedays.
Msmag, thanks for your suggestions and I will try anything.

Sweetmix, I am so glad to hear about you and your friend although the car name is odd "Sweetmixturie" doesn't quite have the ring :)

Posted by: anokayguy at August 26, 2010 12:17 AM

Hi everyone
Still here Sweetmix, just been horribly busy with all sorts of things, marmalade, gardening [yes actually got sun and warmth yesterday for that] son had a minor car accident the day after I paid to reregister his car [can you believe it] so had a bit of apoplexy over that. Have been organizing a hol in Qld for January too [will get to meet up with my pen friend] so blogging took a minor role. Have been reading your blogs. SM, glad that you have still stayed with us, so pleased for you that it is working, be positive [he sounds like a keeper]
About the migraines, try pressing in between your thumb and 1st finger at the joint very firmly so that it hurts. Sounds strange but it relieves the pain of headaches, car sickness and may help migraine symptoms [it is a pressure point] If you have someone to do it for you, as they will press harder, it is better. Also try those other suggestions in previous blog. Myotherapy is very good for all that so check that out as well.
My penfriend and I have talked on the ph and chat online sometimes so all goes well there.
Off to the Gym and then jam this afternoon. Talk again soon
MsM09

Posted by: msmagnet09 at August 23, 2010 10:20 AM

Thankyou anokayguy..I will continue I hope to blog from time to time....

My migraine (thank goodness I don't get too many each year) commences with a weird visual thing..I see..whether my eyes are shut or open..what appears to be..jagged bright coloured pieces of glass and feel a sense of mind activity going on when it happens. This is extremely disconcerting and I have to find a place to sit down as the "visual" can last from 3/4mins to 25 or so and always precedes (is that the right word?) the migraine. I have had my eyes thoroughly checked and also a brain scan but am assured it is to do with my migraines but that it also is a "vascular" thing which tends to worry me. I wonder if anyone else here has experienced anything like that.

Where is everyone? Have not noticed any new blogs for a day or two lol! Msmagnet09..What are you up to? hahaha..Well, my daughter seems to have deemed it fit to speak with me again but t hings are definitely still awkward with my son in law. The night of my birthday (Tuesday) I am supposed to be taken out for dinner by my two children and their spouses and just know my son in law will not want to be there but I will just go with the flo and try to make the best of things...

So I guess for now my "Casual liason" is a sort of permanent thing for the moment. My friend has just bought a Ford "Cobra" car and now wants to call it by my first name with "ie" added. He picks it up on Saturday, has no top on it..very sporty and says I will only complement it when I go for the drive..I have tried to get him to change the name for it as one never knows what's going to happen in the future but to no avail..smiles...Well that is enough about me..where are you guys?!!!! BLOG!

Posted by: sweetmixture at August 20, 2010 9:55 AM

Good for you Sweetmix. I must say I have been barracking for your friend after the nice things you've said about him and the thoughtful way he treats you. I really wish you all the best but keep bloggin.

As for migraines, have tried a lot of different things (not giving up coffee yet) Acupuncture is the only one that gave me relief for a significant period of time. Gotta find another GP who does it.

Posted by: anokayguy at August 18, 2010 4:20 PM

Ohhh..am so sorry about some of my spelling from time to time.. I tend to think ahead of myself too quickly when typing and my letters often get reversed..it's not that I can't spell. Perthy will be taking notes..heheheheheh.Oh msmagnet,
just not seeing my guy on Saturday as he has other things to do this weekend and after all, he spent all of last weekend with me down at Nowra..smiles...I don't mind being home alone on occasion, quite enjoy it actually. Gives me a chance to think about different things, play some music or read and generally speaking, gives me some "Be good to ME" time..smiles..

Lol! msmagnet.. you did kind of get real excited about being the first to comment on the BBQ excuse blog...By the way are you just emailing with your new "love" or chatting on the phone also. I think you said he lived quite a distance away? Do you think you may meet up at some later stage?

Umm I didn't say before but w hen my son won his title fight my daughter (who has not been talking to me if you remember) ran over to me and gave me a huge hug plus yesterday out of the blue I received a phone call from her. She chatted away most pleasantly as if we had never had the rift. Rolls my eyes!!

Posted by: sweetmixture at August 18, 2010 3:57 PM

Well.. I have made it official . My profile is now hidden..I decided to take that plunge and remove my profile from all other eyes....I think my friend has made it quite clear that I am the only woman in his life right now so felt that it was the right time to remove myself from the "eligibles" ..smiles..... Hopefully I will still be in the posts though from time to time....have been thinking about diong it for a while..Will seem a little strange though I think but definitely feels the right thing to do..smiles....

Posted by: sweetmixture at August 18, 2010 12:49 PM

Hi Friends,
Okayguy, only said in jest, the comment about men and their illnesses. I know what you mean. But the ones who claim the headache is a migraine haven't had one either, that's how silly it is. I used to suffer with them, badly, but worked out it was a reaction to coffee as I was having about 5 a day, gave it up and haven't had a migraine since. Can now drink 2 coffees a day after detoxing for about 5 yrs but know when I have had too much. Used to be on Mersyndol etc and didn't help. Also back and neck issues can cause them, have you tried looking at those causes. I use alternative remedies before I would even waste my time going to a doctor. They used to just give bandaid help and no cure or tell me there was nothing they could do for me . I wouldn't be walking around today without chiropractic and natural medicines. So if you are interested just ask and I can suggest lots of things. Your boys sound very musical, great if they can have experience like that now, always good for the future.
Sweetmix, Pity we can't see the interview here, tell us how it goes won't you. Ditto on the political ads, I get up and go to do other things when they come on. Instead of being positive they just run the other party down [both sides guilty of this] never base my vote their critical opinions of the others, more on what they say they will do. Will be glad when it is over. Not out on a Saturday night???? What is your fella doing leaving you home then, or is he going to be there on the couch too???? I will be home with my youngest child but I can guarantee we probably won't be watching much of the election stuff. Saw your post on BBQ excuses.
Hey you others, check out the new blog, I was 1st and Sweetmix got in 2nd. Crazy when your biggest excitement for the day was to be 1st to comment on a blog.....oh dear what is my world coming to, need something else other than jams and blogging.
Well having said that, off to make marmalade, Bye for now
MsM09

Posted by: msmagnet09 at August 18, 2010 11:46 AM

Anokayguy, I think it is just wonderful that the children have this love afair with music. I grew up in a house full of music and have always appreciated many different kinds and the happy memories associated with my childhood days have never left me. I did so hope that the man I would come to meet might also have this appreciation and perhaps even be able to sing but I can't have everything can I? lol!! Count my blessings..and I do!

Well as I am the secretary, for the little singing group I belong to, I have just finished putting all my paperwork together for a committee meeting I have tonight which means coming home in the cold..brrrrrrrrr..Will definitely have to make some hot chocolate and cuddle up to my cat on the lounge with my heated throw rug wrapped around me..hehehehe...

Posted by: sweetmixture at August 18, 2010 11:40 AM

Well Sweetmix, your question about instruments opens up "Pandora's box of worms" as I heard someone say. My little one has just started trumpet but Sunday wasn't about him. The older 2 boys both play in the school stage band. My eldest on the baritone sax and the middle one on the trom. Older one also plays guitar and tenor sax. Middle one also learning percussion. Aren't you glad you asked?! Stage band did "Georgia on my mind" with a singer and just about brought the house down. Music rescued my older boy after the trauma of his parent breaking up so I'm grateful. Hey MS, I never get man-flu but do get occasional migraines. Anyone that knows what a migraine is doesn't claim one if it's just a headache. Don't think they're a high priority for the medical profession....so long as there are drugs they can prescribe.

Posted by: anokayguy at August 17, 2010 9:56 PM

msmagnet09..Lol!! I couldn't book another room for grandson..Was a big turn out for my son's fight so all motels were booked..hahaha so it was in with "us" lol but was kind of funny anyway...Thanks for your good wishes msmagnet..Hopefully this will be my son's last fight for a while unless the japanese guy wants a rematch back in his home country. My son has a television interview here on central coast tomorrow so that will be shown on NBN television probably tomorrow night..Wednesday night that is..he is so pumped up lol...

I think that would be a good idea msmagnet..an RSVP ad made with more "mature" people in it so that all those "more mature" people out there do not lose hope..smiles...

Well this Saturday we will all be out there at the voting booths..lol Will be an interesting day though and as I will not be out anywhere no doubt I will be curled up on the lounge watching how it all goes on Saturday evening..Am sick of all the political ads at the moment..grrrrrr

Posted by: sweetmixture at August 17, 2010 7:02 PM

Damn..keep losing my posts...sighhh..

Anokayguy, glad your son is picking up gradually..What instrument does he play in the school band?

Nothing wrong with just being with your cat.. I am with mine all the time lol!. Dags does annoy me though when he uses the furniture for the scratching post ( he already has a scratching post and numerous toys to stop him being bored)...sighhhhhh..wish he wouldd stop scratching my good f urniture but I have used the water spray when I see him doing it and also hissed at him..Nothing works..!!

Anokay..we will all be watching "your space" to see what happens next with you date/s situation..hehehehe

Am so going to bake that chocolate cake soon msmagnet09..very very soon..smiles...

Posted by: sweetmixture at August 17, 2010 12:12 PM

Well Okayguy, glad he has recovered. Good luck with the dating.
Sweet mix, Congratulations to your boy for his win, do you think this will have the desired affect you were talking about or is it going to encourage him. He has a good support system with you by the sounds of it.
You are very strong to have dealt with that motel situation so well, I would probably have booked another room for grandson......hmmmm [but then I am a bit of a wild child] Lucky you [ the prize, I mean] Tell us what it's like when you see it.
I went to 2 movies on the weekend with girlfriends, "South Solitary" and "Killers". Very different movies but both enjoyable.
Back into the marmalades again as have to stock up for next market. Doing Cumquat and Orange/Grapefruit varieties.
Yes Perthy, I agree, men don't make it easy for you when they are sick. It is a known fact that men rarely suffer colds as often as they suffer with flu.....and headaches are usually migraines....hmmm
Saw the new RSVP ad last night....BOY if those guys are waiting for me?.......HERE I COME.... but somehow I don't think so....Have you seen it? Pity they couldn't have used a hot older guy in the ad.
Bye for now,
MsM09

Posted by: msmagnet09 at August 17, 2010 10:45 AM

Thanks for the suggestions ladies, re illness etc. My boy has bounced back in typical fashion. His tonsil is still large but not as red and he is feeling better. He didn't complain much at all and tried to downplay the whole thing, although his usual fixed impish grin wasn't there and one could here the sorenesss in his voice.
Busy weekend. Footy (only the older 3) then school bands festival on Sunday. Now the kids are back with mum and it's just me and the grumpy old cat again. Fairly busy with a new business venture. Date(s) in the offing. Aspiring to friendship only for the moment. Watch this space...

Posted by: anokayguy at August 17, 2010 12:29 AM

Hello everyone..cough cough..well msmagnet09..hehehe..I had my weekend away to Nowra for my son's kickboxing event for world title against the japanese guy..Yayyyyyyyy..he won he won!! My son that is!! Jumps up and down lol!! Should have seen me around the ring..I was going crackers lol! They fought 7 x 2min rounds and both went full distance with the title being awarded to my son..sighhhs..so proud. I just had a phone call from the motel I was staying at to say there is a lovely write up in the local paper about him and would I like them to
send me a paper.. Wasn't that a lovely thing to do for me???

Ermm..well..my "friend"and I and grandson were all in same room. I had asked for a 2 bed, room, not knowing grandson would be coming with me...Grandson had one bed and I shared the other with my friend..lol..was so funny...Him one side and me the other..So strange.. lol. I patted him on shoulder and politely said "Goodnight"..smiling to myself as I did so..hahahaha He was very gracious of cou rse and smiled back before lights went out hahahah...so..enough of that..lol!! I seem to remember we did hold hands..hehehehe! Blushes!!!!

Oh and by the way all..I won an RSVP competition! Lol!! How funny..me who never wins anything being informed last week on Thursday morning by email I had won a free DVD of "Love Happens" Later Thursday afternoon it was there in my mail box..Haven't seen it as yet and don't know if it is good movie or not. Guess I should enter more competitions...smiles....

Catch you all later... waves....

Posted by: sweetmixture at August 16, 2010 1:55 PM

Well Okayguy, Sorry to hear about your son. Try putting on perfume, makeup and sponge domes in your tshirt and it may help...lol [you'll get him laughing at least] joking aside there is no mystery about how women do it better, coz we don't. My children have not necessarily been happy with my tea and sympathy when they have had illness or issues.
I'm not saying that you are doing this, but sometimes men try to solve a problem rather than just being there for the cuddles and tea and sympathy. Let him moan and groan as we all need to do that when we are feeling off [for whatever reason] Comfort food, painkillers and some natural remedies are all you really can do. Try a product called Colloidal Silver that you can find at the Health Food shops which works well for healing and prevention.
If all else fails the chocky cake may make him happy. Happy Baking.
Sweetmix- How did the match go and your time with your fella and grandson, waiting to hear?
Perthy, sounds like lots of changes in the old town. Used to work in a shopping centre in the middle of Floreat as a young schoolgirl [takeaway food place] Is that still there? We are talking 1972ish. Loved all the beaches you talk of. Have been to beaches all over the world and Perth's would have to be the best I believe. Used to love the" Sunday Session". Do they still have that?
Maybe we could have a reverse blog to this one ie; "My Date DOESN'T want a Relationship, he just wants to Date.....What now" That could make for some new entries and advice. But at least we are keeping this alive as a general contact site friends.
Waiting to see your entries,
MsM09

Posted by: msmagnet09 at August 14, 2010 5:29 PM

I really like people who have a smile on their face. I think nothing means more at times than hearing people laugh, no matter what it sounds like and seeing people smile. So many people seem to have lost the ability to see the humour in situations or to be able to laugh at themselves. I think the greatest gift you can give or receive is a smile at times as it can break down all barriers and pave the way for good communication.

If you are always full of the grumpy bums and the poo face there is no room for happiness to get in there and also in causes dreadful wrinkles. I'm always a little suspicious of wrinkles and disappearing lips, lol.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 13, 2010 1:35 PM

Not all women ! I am the best ever with illness or injury. I have medications sorted, food and any other necessities or desires on hand, pillows, dvd's, drinks on hand. middle of the night doctor trips no problem but tea and sympathy, weeellll, maybe a cup of tea for me, lol. Not any good at the sympathy thing and as for 'man flu', couple of panadol and outside in the fresh air.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 13, 2010 11:40 AM

Thanks Magnet (for the recipe) I might even try it. I once made a chocolate sponge, except it turned out as a mississippi mud cake - actually more like a pudding!
I've been back and forth to the doc with my 12 year old this week. He has a tonsil the size of a grape and has been up all night coughing. Mind you, he hasn't complained about missing school. I hug him lots but women are so much better at tea and sympathy. I wonder why that is.......

Posted by: anokayguy at August 12, 2010 10:36 PM

Hi everyone, lets try again [ lost last attempt ] My Chocolate Cake recipe is dated 1958, been cooked for every occasion for 24 yrs, almost foolproof [let's see how you go Amber...lol]
5 Min Chocolate Cake [ takes longer but is quick]
2 cups Self Raising Flour
1 teaspoon Carb soda [or Baking Soda]
2 heaped large dessertspoons of Cocoa
Half teaspoon of Salt
1 cup White Sugar
1 third cup Brown sugar
Sift flour, carb soda, salt, cocoa together in to large bowl. Add sugars and mix up.
Mix in 1 cup Milk [ skim if you want] with an electric beater for a few mins.
Then add 1 third cup of melted butter [ light if you use cooking quality] Mix again for few mins.
Then add 1 egg and half teaspoon of vanilla, mix to a smooth consistency, beat well.
Cook in 2 small or 1 large ring tin, greased and paper bottom [can be round but sometimes centre won't cook] Cook for about 30 mins on 380 deg/ 220 C? on top shelf. Then test and continue till skewer comes out clean or top bounces back and sides are free. Do not overcook. Remove from tin after sitting for 5 mins. Decorate as you wish. Enjoy.
My kids and friends have always enjoyed it. Sold 2 on Saturday. About 1.5 pts in old Weight Watchers for a reasonable slice, I said reasonable ladies ...lol.
My showers are sooo good now.
Cold and wet in Melb again, no don't say "what's new". Hope all is well with all of you.
Sorry to the ones I have bored with this but I do love to share my cooking.
MsM09

Posted by: msmagnet09 at August 11, 2010 12:29 PM

It's cold and raining in downtown Perth this morning and the sky is grey. I have been reading the news and having a cup of coffee with my feet on an electric blanket and kittens snugged up beside me totally comfortable. I think times like this reflect the stark reality of how lucky we are to have shelter and warmth when so many don't. All the little irritants seem to pale into insignificance when you think some people, especially the children don't even have a roof over their head.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 11, 2010 10:57 AM

Just spent half an hour typing recipe and lost the lot because this said I hadn't signed in.... so will have to do it later peoples. Keep watching. I can't work this out????
Ms M09

Posted by: msmagnet09 at August 11, 2010 9:34 AM

Hey Magnet. I think City Beach High is no more. Not 100% sure but I think it was closed a little while back. Floreat has been changed also. It is still a beautiful leafy suburb but the basketball courts and the running tracks have been demolished and a new venue moved nearer to Challenge Stadium. The Park is still there of course the the area where the running tracks were is to be made into a housing development. Personally I think it's a good idea as the old venue was very run down and the park is beautiful. Unfortunately there has been no water in the lake for years so the swans have left to live in Lake Monger I think but it's still a great place to walk the dog,. Reibold Hill has been helped with a new road and the tracks are now far more accessible so that's another place for good walk as well.

Dogs are not allowed off lead in either place so I either head to City Beach or Cottesloe. I'm sort of in the middle and it doesn't matter which one I head to although I prefer Cottesloe. I love the whole ambience of Cott with the liners lining up to go into port and the rugged rock formations and coastline there.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 10, 2010 8:06 PM

Glad to hear things are going so well for everyone.

I'm very impressed MsM.
I once tried making apricot jam (my ex thought it would be a great idea as his mum was good at it) a hot day mid-summer, 6 months pregnant was not a good time to try to learn.
It all ended in tears, a burnt pot and some runny, lumpy not very edible goo that only in one's wildest imagination tasted like jam!
There are SOME things I am good at......cooking isn't one of them :)

MsM you can't put that chokkie cake recipe here for us can you? I can sometimes cook a reasonably ok cake...sometimes is the operative word though!

Yep SM, family disputes are not fun. Is it a really big issue or one of those where the parents should have picked a more important 'battle' to try and win?
Always hard isn't it? And it's really awful when family members keep trying to put you in the middle.
Hope things get better quickly :)

Great to hear Okay. It's hard but sometimes just letting go of disappointments can make such a difference to our lives. Hope things get better and better.

Posted by: amberlightrose at August 10, 2010 1:35 PM

Anokayguy...mmmmm..I did have some drinks..hehehehe..as you will see in my previous post..some glasses of port..didn't get the cuddle yet...but I did get to cuddle my handsome little 10 month old grandson before he fell asleep in my arms..sighhh..don't you just love it when babies do that..smiles....And as you say Anokayguy it is good to blow off steam in here. Yes..it does seem to help by writing the posts and hearing others opinions and seeing their confirmation that what you are doing is the right thing...smiles...

Ok msmagnet09..Did you sell all your home cooked wares?? How about the chokkie cakes..licks my lips..Bet they all got sold lol!!..Sorry..perth..but we will have to bake our own chocolate cakes hehehe. I have friends coming to pick me up tomorrow and we will go for lunch but I will make some scones for afternoon tea in the morning. They always go down well with fresh cream and jam... That will be my sugar hit for the WEEK!

Yes Perthy..am not getting involved with the dispute between grandson and his parents..just offering support where needed plus some tlc.. Glad it all evened itself out for you at the time when your daughter was between homes....

Well, I wonder what will happen in the next week or so..hahaha....

Posted by: sweetmixture at August 9, 2010 5:15 PM

Hi again Sweetmixture,

Yes I'm doing much better now. It's amazing as soon as you stop caring about something, opportunities seem to present themselves. I'm not allowing myself to hope, just seeing where the path takes me. I hope you can mend bridges with your offspring and that the beamish boy can be back where he belongs soon. Before the trip next week would be good? (wink wink) I'm jealous of you and your port. I can't drink it but envy those who can. Keep smilin.

Posted by: anokayguy at August 9, 2010 3:10 PM

Hi everyone,
Firstly the Market went fairly well, bit down on last few months [it was 3 degrees so prob didn't help brrrrr] The money all goes to the Anglican Church that I attend to keep them afloat so it is very worthwhile work and a good feeling to be able to help. We have a small elderly congregation so all work falls to the "youngies" hadn't made a pot of jam or chutney before January and am now making between 70 - 90 a month. The chockie cake is an old family recipe and very low kilojule ladies [1.5 pts on the old Weight Watchers scale] so tasty and almost guilt free, always sells well so must be good.
SweetM, love the port too, good idea. Glad to hear you are holding strong. Wish I could find a man like yours, does he have brothers in Melbourne hehehe?
I asked my email pal [ he sounds like he could be like your fella SM] if he minded me talking too and he said that was fine. He has been reading them too and I suggested he contribute, he may in future. We have had a phone chat and I almost bent his ear so had to apologize. He said that was okay " You are female" oohhh was that a cheeky response or what...lol..but he has a good sense of humour at least. We are enjoying the contact I believe and he sent me a lovely txt on Market morning which brightened the cold start. So all good for now.
Yes enjoy the family feel of this part of the site, pity the other has to be so clinical.
Perthy, glad I don't own the shop in Wanamba NOW. It was a Children's Clothing Boutique. Do miss the Perth environs though. Lived in Floreat Park and went to City Beach High.
Well got paperwork to complete for the Church and am having a new hot water system installed today so decent showers from now on instead of alternating between being frozen and burned under a solid stream of water [old Gravity fed unit with no pressure} Landlord has seen fit to make my life easier...lol
BFN
MsM09

Posted by: msmagnet09 at August 9, 2010 11:01 AM

Oh and msmagnet09..you must let us know how things are travelling with your new friend who is emailing you..smiles..We are kind of like a little RSVP family here aren't we? Some of us look out for others which is kind of nice I think. My son who is a popular kickboxer (don't ask me w here he got his love for this sport from lol) is fighting a world championship fight in Nowra next week and I have a room booked with 2 beds in a motel for the night. One bed for me and the other for my friend. Lol!! Should be interesting to say the least and now my grandson is travelling with us and will be using a sleeping bag and the floor in our room..rolls my eyes....phewwwww...saved by the bell hehehe! Life can be strange sometimes lol! Damn I hope he wins this fight so he can give it away on a high and stick to his work commitments..the running of his gym and his wife and little boy about to turn 1..He will be fighting a Japanese guy...by the way I am on my 3rd glass of port and it tastes damn good! Lol!! Shame about not having the chocolate cake though ..giggles!

Anokayguy how are you doing? Hope by now you are organising your next coffee date..smiles...Only takes one remember?? Pours next glass of port....Ahhhhhhh Think this is the last glass..bottle was only 1/3rd full, lol..By the way guys...I told my friend that I was writing posts about him and he was quite ok about it. He laughed, but doesn't read the blogs as he has left the site. He knows I am still here..something still stops me from pulling the plug..sighhhs

Hope you all have a great weekend and that you make a fortune from your chocolate cakes, marmalade and the chutney msmagnet09. Thank you for caring...smiles...

Posted by: sweetmixture at August 6, 2010 6:48 PM

Hi SM,
Don't doubt for one moment that you have done the right thing. As a parent, if I had to remove one of my children from my sight for any reason, I would want them to be with a loving relative who just might be on their side. Your daughter will come around to this view too, I feel sure. Have a drink, a cuddle with your man, some chocolate and keep blowing off steam on here. :)

Posted by: anokayguy at August 6, 2010 4:42 PM

Stop talking about chocolate cake Magnet, that is just sooooooooooo mean !

Posted by: iaminperth at August 6, 2010 4:38 PM

Bit of tug of war SM. When my daughter was going back and forth for a short time between houses. We had a 'what we do in our house is our business and we abide by our rules' and what you do at his house is their business and you abide by the rules there'. I never expressed any preferences or comments and she coped really well. My job was safety and coming home to somewhere for a soft landing so to speak. When she was really stressed out we would go out to the beach to collect 'stuff' or go on a train ride to Fremantle and wander around the markets. I think all kids need a soft place to land and I firmly believe that's what grandies are for. I would just go with the flow and make my home as welcoming as possible but I wouldn't get involved in their dispute. He will work it out and see that lfe can be a lot easier than arguing with your parents. Just be a good grandie and putter around and do what you always do, they'll all get the hint.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 6, 2010 4:36 PM

Thanks msmagnet09....yes I was quiet for a few days trying to make sense of all the silly stuff that goes on in families. I am a promoter of peace not confrontations but won't back away from anything I feel is right. I could have reminded my daughter that her father and myself never turned our backs on her when she was giving us a hard time in her teens but I am not a "tit for tat" kind of a woman. I just reminded her that I am there for all my family should they really need me, always have been and always will, but some things said, do hurt deeply and leave their mark. My other child, my son, works for DOCS and tells me I am doing all the right things. He knows his nephew is a great young man as he works with teenagers who are in much more trouble and have much worse problems than my grandson does. It's all good and I am not sorry for being an influencing person in my grandson's life. It is kind of neat that at his age he comes up to me and gives me huge hugs in front of his friends without being embarassed. He is living somewhere safe and with a good friend and her mother. I have met them and like the mother very much so am thankful for that..

On a brighter note a nice piece of rich chocolate cake would go down well right now. Hang the diabetes..lol...perhaps a few glasses of nice warming port tonight would be the way to go also..smiles....It is very nice to return to these blogs though and have a smile.....

Posted by: sweetmixture at August 6, 2010 4:18 PM

Keep your chin up Sweetmix, I am here for you and was wondering what had kept you away. About to make some chocolate cakes for the market, but it sounds like you need a nice glass of something you like and a bit of TLC from your nice man. You do have blessings, such as him and a grandson that appreciates what you are doing, the others will come around eventually, they always do. Had a problem situation back in 06 and thought I would never see my boys again but it all righted itself and now they say to me "Mum even though I may not agree with what you did, I know you did the right thing" so there is always hope of them understanding in time. You have wisdom of maturity on your side.
Bye for now
MsM09

Posted by: msmagnet09 at August 6, 2010 3:22 PM

Hello everyone..sighhhh..Right now I am being ostracised..(can't spell today, damn)...for giving support to my 16 year old grandson who has been kicked out of the nest for various reasons..sighhh. I love him to bits and won't be told how to care for any of my grandchildren. When I am in my daughter's home I will respect her and my son-in law and not get involved in any disputes but in my own territory no one dare tell me how to love my grandchildren or tell me what to do. As usual my friend has been so supportive..continually texting and ringing me, telling me to hold my head up high as all I am guilty of is loving and emotionally supporting my grandson.. It is a very sad state of affairs when by loving him, I am accused of by daughter and son in law of interfering and condoning his actions when I always talk to him respectfully about them, trying to keep the doors of communication open. My head is buzzing right now and my daughter already cancelled a babysitting engagement I had with her to look after the other two, 7 & 10. Told me I could go spend time with the 16 year old. I told her to stop being so childish and grow up which didn't go down to well either..sighhh Just as well I am a positive person and I know this will all work itself out but I don't pander too easily to emotional blackmail which my daughter seems to thrive on. Glad your all ok and doing things you love..such as jam making, chutney etc..smiles..going to the beach and coming home with smelly wet dogs lol!! LIfe is good really and I have so many many blessings..smiles....

Posted by: sweetmixture at August 6, 2010 1:50 PM

I keep checking the news sites to see whether that poor little girl Kiesha has been found yet. I find it so disturbing that so many children are being watched over by welfare agencies and not having the upbringings they need and deserve. I still hope she will turn up alive and well.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 5, 2010 10:36 PM

Hi Amberlight, thanks for your kind words and sage advice. To say I was hurt and sad would be over-satating things. After all, how am I worse off than I was a month or so ago, before I knew this lady even existed? I'm going to stop banging on about this but, in fairness to her, it wasn't that she didn't care. She was just more realistic, wiser and and more objective than me and assessed that the circumstances didn't match. As for having the wall up, it's no big deal. You can always throw down a rope for the right person and I've never had trouble opening my heart to someone. Remaining detached enough to assess whether that person is right for me is trickier. Plenty of people have that problem otherwise RSVP and other sites like it would have no customers.
Msmagnet, I wouldn't worry about what to write on the profile as long as you're being yourself. You can't force people to read it and those who can't be bothered probably aren't worth worrying about anyway.

Posted by: anokayguy at August 5, 2010 7:20 PM

Hey Magnet, the Wanamba Arcade next to Hoyts Theatres. Had to google it. It's the other side of Barrack Street which is a bit of a dodgey end of town now. The arcade has quite a few cut price glitzy outlet type shops there and instant nail salons. It's an interesting end of town as it has a couple of antique shops and a couple of pawn shops if you like to wander. It also has a few Porn shops around there also and lots of very cheap eateries for internet and backpacker use. It's funny because just on the other side of the road the Hay street mall just buzzes along even with our atrocious trading hours here. I'm a great wanderer so I find all of this interesting but it can be a little dodgy at times

Posted by: iaminperth at August 5, 2010 3:45 PM

Hi folks,
Got the marmalade done and am now on to the chutney, smells great here. Not wet dog but could be, the amount of rain we have had in good old Melbourne. We are lucky we haven't floated away [gurgle gurgle] Also have lemons aplenty here but will have to process and freeze them for another time,when they are not so available.
Perthy, you probably wouldn't know that I lived in your fair city from my 15th yr to my 20th yr. Absolutely loved Perth and the people. Had a shop in Wanamba Arcade [is it still there?, the arcade I mean] I used to have to make myself stay home 2 nights a week, the social times were of aplenty, ah for those days....sigh. I wish our weather was like you describe...oh well.
Anokayguy, glad to have you back, glad that you are so resilient. I am unlike you, I joined with high hopes and have been gradually broken down to being realistic in what it will bring, it worked well once but doesn't seem to be as easy as back then. I used to enjoy the social functions they had here in Melb, but they don't focus on this age group anymore. More's the pity, I am a very social person and go mad being home.
Guys seem to think that because you have no degree or big name job that you cannot be very intelligent or interesting so they won't even bother giving you a try. They could be surprised if they did. Goes with what Perthy and Amber have talked about before of people not really reading the profiles or making a very quick assumption from few facts. What do you write to get the right points across, can anyone help.
Well chutney will burn if I go on so
Bye for now
MsM09

Posted by: msmagnet09 at August 5, 2010 2:51 PM

Hi Amber, Sort of 'if you are alive and breathing, you'll do '. The shallowness is astounding at times.

Whatever happened to finding out who the person is, who they really are instead of running around trying to put their mark everywhere. I think one of the hardest things in life is to be still. To listen and to observe and see what is really going on around you and why a pattern you may have created for yourself is not working. Sometimes it uncovers traits that are not so attractive so I suppose it is much easier to keep running around madly.

Anyway, another beautiful day in downtown Perth, unbelievable blue skies at the moment and warm winter sunshine. I'm going to the beach with my big pup and get windblown and sunburned and my car ponged out with wet dog !

Posted by: iaminperth at August 5, 2010 11:30 AM

Hi Anokayguy,
Sorry to hear that. It's sad when someone gets "under your guard" and you get hurt. Especially if it seems they didn't care all that much anyway.

Hopefully you will soon heal and be truly ready to find someone who is the right one for you.
Not criticising at all, (so please dont take it that way) but when you still feel so sad and hurt, maybe now isn't the best time to be loooking for someone new?
You maybe aren't quite ready to open your heart again and that is what that special person willl need from you.

But please keep blogging, we value everyone's opinion here and sometimes it's good to just 'vent' a little bit among people who have a very good idea of how you might be feeling :)

While you MAY be lucky with the super-model, I think it's more likely you'll feel better in a few months time and find a lovely woman who while not being fantastically beautiful, is just as amazing and is who you are looking for :)
Well that's what I like to think anyway :)
Best wishes

Posted by: amberlightrose at August 4, 2010 8:34 PM

Hi MsMagnet,
You didn't offend me at all and i am certainly not averse to robust debate. I do think we can avoid personal slurs and only those who make them can take responsibility. As for instant relationships, history and the great literature are replete with examples of love based on very little logical evidence. yet, on a site like this, I guess "love at first site" has to be viewed with suspicion and caution or else it leads to pain and disappointment. I joined this site with quite low expectations and a healthy dose of skepticism but every now and again, another person can have quite a profound effect on one and completely disarm all the usual defence mechanisms. This is what happened to me but the wall is well and truly up again and I will endeavour to keep my "creepy' tendencies under control - unless of course I am contacted by a supermodel who offers a free complete makeover and half her material possessions.

Posted by: anokayguy at August 4, 2010 4:56 PM

Origin of the peeing on a partner story.

Source:
http://www.datingtales.net/2007/10/first-date-story-as-told-on-jay-leno/

This has been circulating around the internet and because it’s quite hilarious, I though I’d share.

Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. He found a woman with this story…

She said it was midwinter. Snowing and quite cold. And the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah, for a day skiing. No overnights. They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before.

The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.

They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte.

They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while.

Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started to pee.

In the deep snow she didn’t have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself.

Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking.

All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation.

As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car’s fender.

Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal.

It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold.

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date’s concerns about ‘what is taking so long’ with a reply that indeed, she was ‘freezing her butt off’ and in need of some assistance!

He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing.

She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.

Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem.

Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!

Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free.

So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.

The best part of it all?

They fell in love and he became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show

Posted by: foodieatheart at August 4, 2010 3:33 PM

Hi Perth,
Well that was the problem! I didn't feel like that man had read my profile at all, nor had he made any reference to anything I had written to him.
He just wanted me ring him and to meet ASAP.
He made no attempt to try to arrange to meet me halfway (I do live around 80 kms away) and it seemed it was Saturday arvo or nothing.
So I chose nothing - my son plays sport on Saturdays :)

Look he is probably a nice man, but it seems he had no interest in even bothering to chat/email unless he'd met me first.
Perhaps he thought I might have two heads?

Who knows, but it was quite odd really and in the end he just wasted his stamp.
So I think perhaps I'll just stick to the mutual friendship reply if I don't feel that "Wow HE seems really nice!" immediately on viewing their profile :)
Just seems a better option!

Posted by: amberlightrose at August 3, 2010 7:35 PM

I have a tree so full of the sweetest lemons you have ever seen and I suppose I should be cooking marmalade as well. You can't give them away in WA as they grow like weeds for some reason or other. Lemon trees and roses go nuts here.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 3, 2010 6:13 PM

AnOKguy, It was myself that made the comment on the type of woman. DON"T GO, we need the male perspective here and as Sweetm says I don't think any malice was intended, certainly not by me. I have myself thought too quickly at times that 1 was going to work, probably because I felt a close affinity with what they said but it wasn't to be and some where I thought it wouldn't work and it did [albeit temporarily]. Other guys have told me that some women and it is certainly true of some men, make a very sudden decision based on looks or something you say in the 1st phone call or meeting. Unfortunately they do this and they are the loser in this case by not giving you a chance. You have to keep trying, including on here. We all have a right to say what we feel. That includes you and Perthy and peterb33 and amber and myselfand anyone else who cares to comment otherwise these things become onesided.
Re Ambers 'INSTANT RELATIONSHIP' idea yes could be a good topic. Have had a few that have tried that. Is that when they have tried to "dip the wick" [to coin Perthy's phrase] on the first date....lol what a blog that could lead to. All I have time for today, off to cook marmalade for my stall
MsM09

Posted by: msmagnet09 at August 3, 2010 1:54 PM

Hey Magnet "belly laugh', that not a phrase used much today either. I suppose it is politically incorrect like just about everything else said. Isn't it wonderful to see someone laughing so much they can hardly stop though, totally getting the giggles making strange noises and not caring how their faces are screwed up. I think it's something society is missing at the moment, the great old belly laugh.

So many people are so prickly and so up themselves that normal free flowing conversation becomes impossibe. It's a shame and very isolating I am sure. Keep blogging and Amber it's good to see you more relaxed and more confident. How is that very special boy of yours going as you both survive teen years.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 3, 2010 1:19 PM

I think those specific time invitations are probably from someone attached or married and they are checking 'what's out there', so to speak. There are a lot of people who go from one relationship to another and never really experience living on their own or being responsible for their own happiness.

Personally speaking I don't think it's a good thing but that's how some people live their lives. Usually they always have someone else to blame for their discontent. As I say I don't think it's a good or bad thing but if you don't want to get suckered into it, don't bother with them.

A very knowledgeable friend of mine years ago said 'always empty out the dirty water before you put in the clean' and it's something I have tried to live by. No matter what you do in life if you have bits of this and that contaminating the situation you will never have that clean start. The job will always be half done, never quite good enough.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 3, 2010 1:10 PM

Hi Amber or anyone. Have you ever received the cut and paste reply as well which has nothing to do with anything you have said. And you think, Well hello who are you ? Or the "I would never let my date do this and that" and you think "let me ? what ? I'll do what I wish to do thank you very much !

Oh well it's all good. Beautiful weather in downtown Perth today, absolutely glorious. One of those days when the sky is so blue and clear and there are bees doing their bee things with the plants and everything is starting to grow ready for the summer months. I have jonquils and iris starting to flower and my roses are just starting to show new growth after a huge cut back a short time ago. We're all healthy and it also looks like the kitten laws are about to change in WA, yay ! Not quite so much animal cruelty which has to be good.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 3, 2010 11:55 AM

There was a competition on the internet of 'Funniest First Dates" and a young Canadian couple won. Apparently they went to a Ski resort and had a great time over a very long lunch. On the way home there was a heavy snowfall and they became pretty well stuck and had to wait for help. The young girl really needed to use the toilet and in desperation and making her date promise not to look she raced out behind the car to pee in the snow. Unfortunately her backside became stuck on the cars bumper and she couldn't move. To cut a long story short, the only way to get her unstuck was to use warm alkaline fluid, and yes you guessed it, the poor guy had to pee on her.

Apparently they are still great friends, go skiing regularly, and have the very dubious honour of winning 'funniest first date'.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 3, 2010 11:43 AM

While not an "instant relationship" story at all; I recently received a kiss from someone which despite not seeming to be 'my type' (people tell me I sometimes need to be more open to "possibilities"!) I responded to saying I'd like to find out more about him.

He then emailed me just repeating the whole 2 lines from his profile and included his mobile phone number!
I sent a polite reply thanking him, telling him a little about me and asking about him.
To which he responded (on the Friday I think) asking me to meet him in Adelaide that Saturday afternoon and repeating his mobile phone number.
Talk about being in a hurry! Obviously he didn't think I could possibly have a life outside of RSVP!

While I feel confident an instant 'relationship' wasn't quite what was on his mind (despite my profile being quite specific) one would think he might have made a bit more of an effort!
Even more so considering he wasn't all that attractive :)

I suppose he MUST be successful, otherwise he wouldn't keep doing it; but seriously any woman who responds to that kind of approach can't exactly value herself too highly IMO.

On friendship kisses; if someone kisses me and I am not sure he's 'my type' but I think "well he looks/sounds okay so perhaps I could email and maybe meet if he seems nice after a week or two" I usually send the "I would be very open to a friendship" reply.

Have never been taken up on that one yet!

Posted by: amberlightrose at August 3, 2010 11:16 AM

That's a pity Anokayguy, we could do with as much diversity on here as possible!
Sometimes we can't always articulate exactly what we are trying to say and people sometimes don't understand our meaning.
It sounds like your disappointment with that potential relationship was based on more than just one meeting, whereas I'm not sure that actually came out in your post :)

Believe me, there are people who do the "instant relationship" thing after one meeting (sometimes even BEFORE it!) , and while I wouldn't go so far as to call it "creepy" it is certainly SCARY for the object of their all-too-sudden affection, especially if you are the 'take it slow and easy' kind!
I feel confident that was what Perth was referring to.

Anyway it is after all, up to you whether you wish to stay or keep blogging.
But I have to say that Perth's comments were tame to the type of 'robust' debate that used to occur on RSVP a year or two ago before the moderators became far more diligent!

And on this then perhaps that could be a new topic?
"INSTANT" RELATIONSHIPS: Do they scare you or do you find them exhilarating?

Posted by: amberlightrose at August 3, 2010 10:47 AM

IaminPerth, I must take exception to your comments re my supposed behaviour. What happens inside my head is a thoroughly private matter and choosing to share some of it in this forum does not make me "creepy" - an adjective that has never been levelled at me prior to your tirade. I can't see how being bitterly disappointed that a very promising relationship didn't get off the ground would give cause for such a demeaning and judgemental comment. As for my behaviour, I have nothing to apologise for and cannot change my propensity to like everyone I meet. Doesnt mean I want to date them. There is no shame in having high hopes prior to a first meeting. Why bother dating someone if you couldn't care less about how it goes? SM, my comment about Elle types was a slightly wistful attempt at humour. During my previous time on RSVP a few years ago, I received an unsolicited email contact from an absolutely gorgeous woman with no kiss message as a prelude. It contained only a mobile number and a list of dates she would be in Melbourne on business. It was tempting for a few milliseconds then I though of all the other guys who had been sent same and politely declined further contact. Ok i tell a lie, it might have been 20 minutes. :-) After the scathing comments from out West, i don't feel very inclined to share too much more in Bloggsville and will bid you all adieu.

Posted by: anokayguy at August 2, 2010 8:39 PM

Wow what a belly laugh you gave me Perthy, and what a story about Mr Pong, they say that you have to like someones odour or it won't work, this proves it I suppose.
Sweetmix, what a funny thing [ in hindsight] to have happen. Have had some similar too and you wonder about their gumption.
Great to see you back Amber, always like your comments, nothing wrong with having an opinion. As my profile says I like a guy to have an opinion but respect mine as well, think that is only fair.
Desiderata, if you are still with us [ love the words to the verse you got your name off] You have been lucky or maybe just a bit more selective in your choices. I like to give a lot of different types of guys a chance to know that i might be interested and so I leave myself open to this I suppose. As you say best if the feeling is not both ways to not waste time. Hope your beginning has no ending, good luck.
Have had a good experience out of these blogs. Just recently a lovely man saw my entries, liked what he read, both here and on my profile and took a chance and sent me an email. He was in a different state to me, hence my suggestion about a pen pal kiss. I answered him, which I will always do and we are now in email contact. It really brightens my day, as i work from home and it can get lonely. As do these blogs help. So he spent a stamp without knowing the outcome and a pen pal kiss could have been helpful for him if I had not wanted contact. You never know where these things can lead and I won't say one way or the other what is likely to eventuate but a penpal kiss would let you start on a more relaxed footing and allow a possible progression.
Yes Sweetmix, have used the Friend kiss too and to no avail but at least you try.
An OKguy, I have had my friends in stitches with some of my stories and they have also suggested a book, maybe one day I will let you help me write it. They say they can see me in the Retirement home sitting with my knee rug on saying to all the other cronies " When I was young I met a guy who bla bla bla [you get the drift] Its the way I intend to go out, telling wild stories of my life ...lol. Maybe your desire to meet an Elle type is setting you up for failure, try giving some other types a go. But I do know for men [ and some women ] that visual is the big thing.
Have gone on again,
Bye for now, MsM09

Posted by: msmagnet09 at August 2, 2010 2:16 PM

I think SM if that had been me on the beach I wouldn't have been able to stop laughing! What a seriously stupid person he must be and 'the next level' is dipping his wick ! And you are supposed to say "Oh thank you, thank you, you are the person I have been waiting for my whole life" as no one else has ever wanted to do that, swooooooon ! For heavens sake, that would have been a serious "bug off hairy legs" moment for me. And seriously sending you a picture of his old fellow, you should have taken a snap show of it and sent it back to him with a silly face painted on it and a feather sticking out the top or something. Or rather like a garden gnome with a silly red hat with purple spots on, what a silly man.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 2, 2010 11:28 AM

Hi Ok, How can an email state that " I bellow like a lunatic at my dog because it's a rude untrained maniac". I don't think he thought he was bellowing, he just thought that's how you control a dog.

Or in the other womans case "I am very good looking and classy and like to take women to very expensive restaurants where I open my heart but not my wallet as there is nothing in it". "Really my looks and sense of style get me free meals and good company and I like it that way, how about you " Like I have said many times we are all responsible for our own destiny and putting yourself in that position in the first place is a real no no I think.

Now Mr Ok, you are beginning to sound creepy getting so fired up in your head about a first meeting. I can understand people backing away, it's all too much. Take a look at yourself objectively and think how you would respond if someone did what you are doing. Sit outside yourself like a third person and think did I do exactly the same thing again which obviously didn't work.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 2, 2010 11:16 AM

I would say that 99% of the people on the site are really very nice. I have no problem with that as I think that's the same as every day life. I think the site in itself gives the user a lot of control over what the individual wants to achieve.

No one forces telephone numbers to be given out or personal details for contact that is up to the user. I have heard some people have a separate pre pay card for a mobile they use exclusively for contact and if anything gets awkward they just don't recharge.

I think mostly we shouldn't try to be judgemental of someone elses behaviour pattern as it's probably been learned thru a lifetime of their experience and people they have mixed with previously. Just became someone thinks the other person is a complete dud doesn't mean they are.

Amber if you want to start a new discussion thread, just write it here and we will all comment and get into it. The moderators are good and if they see it moving along they will see. Just do it, don't ask, put it on here in Caps what you want to talk about and we will join in. I rather like the light hearted and funny ones at times with some serious overtones.

What about: WHAT DO YOU DO IF YOUR DATE PONGS ? I met a very nice, well educated guy once but he ponged ! phew, bad news ! I couldn't figure it out at all and thought what is he doing ? His hair was clean, fingernails, well teeth could have used a jackhammer, but they were clean. Whatever is going on. Everywhere we went, pong came too and then one day he threw his arms around me in great delight and he and pong smothered me. When I recovered enough with my head down the loo I decided he and pong had to go. I didn't want a threesome and this was all too much. So outspoken gutless wonder me thought "how do you tell someone they pong"? Maybe, sorry mate but you stink, no that would be too hurtful. Oh, that's a bad smell, did you step in something, if they didn't, where to then ? or back to 'bug off hairy legs'. Oh well the trials and tributions of life and how we all interract.

Seriously Amber, If you want to start a new subject, just start it, don't ask, just do it! Disclaimer Nike had no part in the writing of this post.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 2, 2010 11:08 AM

Hi Ladies, I enjoyed your horror stories. There is a book in there somewhere. If so, can I edit it? Would like a share in the royalties. Seriously though, it is amazing that some of the horrible traits displayed in those stories didn't seep through in the emails. I have remained safe because, to borrow from Groucho Marx, i don't care to date anyone who would be willing to go on a date with someone like me. My real problem is that i really want to like the people I contact and tend to ignore the red flags. Last one didn't work out Sweetmixture and it it hurt like Hell. I'm angry with myself for allowing hopes to grow so high. I spat the dummy and hid my profile for a while but figured, with my luck, that would be just when the right one is looking for someone like me! My ideal partner is a cross between Elle mcpherson and Supernanny and practises plastic surgery and cosmetic dentistry in her spare time. Is that too much to ask - For goodness sake?

Posted by: anokayguy at August 1, 2010 11:50 PM

One of my favourites was after having a coffee on a first meeting then taking a walk along the beach I was hit with.. "I really like you and am ready for the next level" Upon asking what that was..I was told the next level was "sleeping together".After letting the guy know that I was nowhere near interested in that level..his msn picture changed to a pic of him in close up, showing a certain part of his anatomy. Rolls my eyes!! Needless to say I deleted him completely learning a very valuable lesson about exchanging msn details or phone numbers too soon!!

My my, what a book we could produce between us all..men and women, on our experiences with RSVP!! ..smiles.. And "iaminperth" I am becoming aware that you have a wicked sense of humour!

Posted by: sweetmixture at August 1, 2010 11:02 PM

Hello everyone,

I find the comments regarding the rudeness of people not replying to kisses intriguing. I must have been pretty lucky in this regard as I have received a reply on all my kisses bar one. I believe if someone is not polite enough to reply to a kiss, why would I want to meet them in the first place? Maybe RSVP can show the reply rate on one's profile?

"Iaminpert," your friends experience is amazing. We all have times when budgetary pressures mount, but this is plain rudeness! Was the guy you met bragging about how bad a father he was trying to prove to you that you should not see him again?

"surething," be glad those "ladies" showed you what they are made of before you met them. Imagine investing your time and yourself only to find out their lack of character when it was too late.

"msmagnet09" and "sweetmixture," body type is a temporary thing. How many couples but on the pounds and stop looking after themselves after they settle down? Then again how many people take the motivation from another to get themselves into shape? I myself would rather get involved with a lady of great character and someone I like on the inside who has a drive to improve themselves, than someone who is in great shape but has poor character. I would hope that a person who met me 3 years ago when I was 30kgs heavier than I am today would see the same person that I am now (albeit older and more experienced in life). If someone said to me that they would be happy to be around me now as I have lost the weight but not when I was larger, I would politely tell them to go away (inside I would be calling them judgmental so-and-so’s).

"msmagnet09," when to turn "off" your profile? When ever you feel that you want to. I have hidden mine when I have had more than enough contact or when I have been dealing with children's issues, or study has had to take a priority and of course it is now off, maybe for good. Why? After this weekend and a very long chat that lasted all night with a dear friend, we have decided to take our relationship to a new level. This is a new experience for me as I have in the past tried to build a relationship with ladies I met randomly or on this site. With this wonderful lady, we already know each other's strengths and faults and have been denying our feelings for each other particularly for the last couple of months. She has got a great laugh out of my dating experiences though, so she thinks it may have been worth the wait.

Well, it has been a year almost to the day I first signed up on this site. I have taken my profile down on a few occasions due to work, children or other commitments; including a few months that I spent getting to know one lady who I thought there might be a future with. Unfortunately (or fortunately after recent events) this was not to be the case due to differences in character. I am not saying that I was right and she was wrong or vice-versa, but I think I had to learn to stand up for my own beliefs and know that I deserved to be treated well in a relationship. It was a hard lesson to learn, but it puts me in a better position now.

It has been a very interesting ride and learning experience and as much as I have not been a very active blogger since November last year, I have enjoyed this blog. I have met some wonderful people via this site and had some scary experiences as well. To everyone I have met, thank you for enriching my life even if we where not for each other. I have been lucky enough to have had 14 first dates through this site and most of them have been wonderful. Everyone who I have met bar one very nasty experience in April this year has been genuine.

If I am to make any departing advice it would be this. Do not take any rejection personally; in fact take it as a compliment that they are not good enough for you. Also do not forsake your friends and family when someone new comes along. I was guilty of this and if the new person does not want to, or is scared to meet those who you care about be very wary. They should be jumping out of their skin to find out more about you as a person and what makes you tick.

Finally;
If everyone has problems, you will never find anyone who doesn't.
If you're full of yourself, there will be no space for anyone else in there.

If they're not in your class, they will all be in the other one.
If you're unapproachable, no one will.

Be not friendly and you need not be for long.
Treat people with contempt and dishonesty, you won't many for long.

Expect by your book, hope they read it.
Expect attention on your terms. You may be the only one giving it to you.

Progress must be made by said time, or out of here. You be out of a lot.

Hold back, don't give too much away. Dates will stop trying to know you.

Put on the impress act, the show can't last forever.

Look for a one night stand and you'll probably get it.

Only listen to what you want to hear, you won't hear much.

Your life is the only of interest, you won't need others.

Unable to love, do affection, do emotion, you won't need to.

Don't reciprocate; you'll soon not need to.

If you can not move on in your life, find new happiness and love, you won’t have to.

I wish everyone the best of luck in life and love.

Posted by: desideratabeliever at August 1, 2010 2:30 PM

I'm with you Perth, a short quick meeting at first. There is nothing worse than finding your dream date is a lot different to what you had expected :)

And those guys who are obsessed with geting back at their ex-wives no matter what the cost to their children?
Well just give it time and if things don't work out, guess who's likely to be the latest entry on their 'hate' list?

Well I have once again unhidden my profile and am going to have one last go at this before life tells me that I have much better things to do :)

And thanks for the nice words everyone, but those who've been around here for a while will know that I might give up on finding Mr. Just Right For Me on RSVP from time-to-time, (often actually!) but I love the blogs (best part of RSVP I suspect) and can rarely go too long without having something to say.
(In my defence, I admit in my profile i am opinionated!)

I find the blogs good fun and love reading the diversity of ideas and experiences.
Just a few new topics would be wonderful RSVP, even I am running out of things to say :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at July 31, 2010 2:36 AM

Wow, iaminperth, they are some stories you have told, make my one seem tame. Hope you have had some good experiences too. Funny how we remember the strange ones more easily than the good ones.
Hey "Surething101" have you worked out how to do your photo?, would love to know.
Well another day will talk about the good experiences, for now
Cheers
MsM09

Posted by: msmagnet09 at July 30, 2010 10:33 PM

Isn't it so hard when someone goes on endlessly about past relationships, or a past relationship. I had a guy half brag to me how when he has his children he makes sure they do everything his wife won't let them. This included watching pretty heavy movies for their ages, stuffing them full of junk food and red cordial so they would be a nightmare for her when they returned home. I turned off half way thru the 'non conversation' and purposely started thinking about what I was cooking for dinner and which movie I would like to see. Rude, on my part I know, but I did switch back on long enough to tell him we had absolutely nothing in common and left. I think that was the worse time. The second worse was just a walk on the beach meeting up early morning. This guy had a dog also and he spent an hour huffing and puffing, shouting and bellowing at his unbelievably horrible badly trained dog. It was 6a.m. in the peaceful tranquil setting of Cottesloe with the fishermen and the waves peacefully lapping. Oh goodness, I was walking so fast hoping no one thought I was with him ! In between the huffing and puffing, sweating and barking he wanted to take me for a light lunch. Omg, I couldn't escape fast enough, even my dog looked shocked.

Nothing like a lady I know. She met up with a lovely looking guy and on their first date he was taking her to dinner. He booked at a wonderful restaurant on the waterfront with views out to Rottnest. They dined on a wonderful three course meal with the best Margaret River wine and literally sat for hours talking late into the evening. When the account arrived he passed it to her for payment and told her straight out he didn't have a cent. He also told her he had a lovely evening and left.

I'll stick to my $3 cup of coffee or $0 walk along the beach first off thank you very much. I am sure these weird things happen in 'real' life also and as you wouldn't just meet a stranger on a street corner and go straight into a 3 hat restaurant nor should you do it on here without expecting somewhere along the line things may go pear shaped.

Posted by: iaminperth at July 30, 2010 3:32 PM

Hi Sweetmix and all others.
No don't mind anyone looking, can't be too paranoid in these sort of situations. I admit to checking out your profile a while back when I first discovered the blogs.
Yes I have had the odd bad situation but you have to believe that they had their reasons at the time, but it would just be nice to know why it happened so that, if it was something you could learn from, then you have the chance. I know for a fact that women do this sort of thing to men as well, no one is immune to bad treatment. But you have to believe that [and I know] there are good fellows/ladies out there. You seem to have one?
Amberlightrose, hope we haven't lost you, I also enjoyed your comments to date.
Surething, have you managed to fix your problems. I checked your profile too and can't believe that the girls would be silly like that.
I have had blind dates off this site and only one was a disaster, would you believe, the very first date I ever went on from RSVP. He had not been honest with me about his size, but I was prepared to accept that. When he sniffed thru the whole date [mustn't have had a hanky lol] told me of all his failed relationships, tried to take my change from my coffee that I paid for, told me how we were going to be [ like we were already a couple] and then jumped me at the car park......well I thought "It can't get any worse than this" ..lol.. and kept on trying ...and it did decidedly improve.
To get back on topic....One of the hardest decisions to make is when to turn off your profile. Too soon and it can make the other scared that you are too serious, or cement the deal. Later it can ruin the relationship that is beginning or give you the time to be sure you have both arrived at the same conclusion at about the same time. As one of you said before, communication is of utmost importance. I feel that if you are spending more than 1 night a week together then Off is the better and fairer thing to do. Also fairer to the others who may have been thinking of contacting you.
If you like the dating scene then be clear on that from the start. As I told my younger child the other day 'You can never go back, start out as friends and then progress from there." You can't start thinking you will have a relationship and then decide you only want to date the person. Too painful for those involved. When it is right it will happen almost without thought.
One of the nicest things ever said to me was by the man I met in '05 and stayed with till '09. We had our first date and he said to me "When would you like to see me again". Not "I can see you bla bla bla" or me asking "when can I see you". It made me feel very wanted from the first instance. Maybe we could all learn from that.
Oh have I gone on too long...told you it was trouble when you get me started.Bye for now

Posted by: msmagnet09 at July 30, 2010 12:59 AM

HI msmagnet09, WOW you do have a past with RSVP...smiles
Hope you don't mind that I looked at your profile. We women tend to do that just to put a face to the writers of the posts. I recognised one of the places you mentioned in a pic. Badger Weir..My brother lives right near to there and as I visit him from time to time have had many a pleasant walk around there or a picnic. Some beautiful scenery in those parts..so different to suburbia where I am. I do so love the countryside and always enjoy my visits immensely with my brother.

To get back to your previous post..I must admit I have never been stood up when actually organising to meet a date. That must be humiliating and I suppose that has happened to some guys also.

Loved that word you used. Haven't heard it for some time "rubenesque" has such a lovely sound when you say it hahaha.

Well I have things to do but wanted to post this first...Sorry to hear of the heartache with your lovely man...We just don't know what is going to happen ahead ..do we?

Posted by: sweetmixture at July 29, 2010 11:21 AM

that's just mean Surething and you wouldn't want to meet people like that anyway. Just post a pic to the site snail mail or put in your profile that you can email a pic if they wish. Do you have a memory chip in your phone, just thought of that. What about getting a friend to take your pic and send it to you as an email attachment and then you could save for future use. There you go....done ! Don't take negative comments to heart, like anywhere in any situation, there are nice people and no so nice, so it's just a reality.

Posted by: iaminperth at July 28, 2010 8:38 PM

Hi Sweetmix,
Yes indeed, I do have lots of stories to tell. Was on back in '04 to '05 over which time I met many lovely men and some strange ones. Had some fun and some heartache then met a lovely man [thru RSVP] that I was with up until June of last year. So hence me being back now unfortunately, but these things happen. Have not enjoyed the experience quite like I did back then as I am in an older age bracket [life stops at 50 they would have you believe] and a little more rubenesque than I was back then, though working on that fact. I do get kisses occasionally from men who appreciate a full figured woman but they are rare. It never ceases to amaze me how the men are living in a fools paradise to think that we don't see their faults and yet they will not accept ours. Can't understand [as has been talked about here before] how hard they think it is to just say no thanks, get about 1 in 4 that actually have the courtesy to answer. Don't get me started on the ones that ask for emails and then leave you hanging [and I don't mean the fake profiles] or ask to meet/ go out and then stand you up without even an explanation. Just no backbone. Nice to be talking to you all.
MsM09

Posted by: msmagnet09 at July 28, 2010 5:35 PM

"msmagnet09"..that is a super suggestion about a friend's computer.. perhaps that will work for "surething101" Sounds like you have been on the site for a while as you mention 2004 unless you left and came back. I bet you have a stack of experiences you could relate..smiles...

You mention everyone struggling with something and in your case it is being overweight..well I have never been ultra slim but I just decided to be totally honest about this on my profile and I have still had many kisses in the past..I think honesty is the best policy. I suppose we all..men and women, have preconceived ideas of our ideal date lol but ultimately there has to be more than looks to keep a relationship going...we are all just hoping for that right combination in our future partner but perhaps what we perceive to be the right combination is NOT after all. I myself am finding this out and have had to rethink a few things...

Good luck anyway "Surething101" with any future contacts and I am hoping at least some sincere women will contact you even if the contacts do not work out. I hope your move will be one that you will enjoy and not regret, bringing with it lots of new friends and good experiences. I myself believe in "what will be will be" but we certainly can bring about change in our lives if we feel strongly about it..smiles...I give myself that "pep" talk all the time....hahaha

"anokayguy", at least you don't give up so I hope you enjoy your time with this new lady regardless of what may happen in the future.

We all need to relax and just enjoy what comes our way without placing too much importance on where the relationship is taking us at first anyway I think. Sometimes worrying too much in the early stage probably presents false concerns that just fill us with unnecessary tension. Honesty and communication is definitely a must though...

Posted by: sweetmixture at July 28, 2010 1:31 PM

Surething101, had you thought about asking a friend to use their computer and accessing your RSVP homepage from there and then using their software to upload a pic from your camera. Don't know if this might help. Otherwise as was previously suggested you could post by snail mail a pic to RSVP, it worked back in 2004 when I didn't have a digital camera but takes awhile. Sorry that you have found such shallow women, I often send kisses without seeing a pic as I then find I respond to the words and not the visual. Keep trying. I have the problem that most men will not consider a woman who is a bit overweight, so we all struggle with something.

Posted by: msmagnet09 at July 28, 2010 10:16 AM

Yep, sorry iaminperth, been down the firewall road many times already unfortunately. I use Trend. Tried switching it off, even uninstalled it completely and reloaded it hence the reason why neither SE or BP can work it out. SE admitted that their software is designed to block other camera software but no other camera software is installed. Spoke to Microsoft today and they have had similar complaints and are now looking in to it. Fingers crossed.

Sweetmixture:- the response I got to the 4 replied emails were 1 x "No photo get f*#@*^", 1 x "F)*^#@ off creep" and the other two were "Can I see your photo please".
I'm an optimist, so that's ok. I've nothing to hide. I have no problems in getting dates, I came on here as I seem to meet the wrong types of ladies and looking to move to the Gold Coast soon and wanted to meet new people. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be :)

Posted by: surething101 at July 27, 2010 8:14 PM

To sum up everybody's comments about rudeness, ignoring emails, etc, it's upsetting but a very useful filtering mechanism (presuming you get enough contacts that they require filtering. Mmmmm...)
Yes, SM, my fingers and toes are crossed at the moment. It's not wise to get one's hopes up but I think this person is incredible and I've let one or two good ones get away in my time. We'll see.

Posted by: anokayguy at July 27, 2010 4:34 PM

Unfortunately I think most have to realise that the majority of people on this site are only looking for Mr/Mrs Right NOW not Mr/Mrs Right, as sad as that sounds I think we all need to try and remain positive in our search and treat this site as only one option for finding someone as opposed to being the only way to meet someone

Posted by: rae9adz at July 27, 2010 11:39 AM

c905 has a very good camera for a mobile phone and has nothing to do with Sony or Big Pond. If the phone is working and the internet is working they are both fine. The problem would be I would think with your security running on your computer. It is not recognizing the software. If you are using Norton you will need to manually allow the configuration otherwise it will reject it. Maybe just post a photo to the site if it's causing you any angst. If you have cable broadband Norton is a pain and needs to be manually configured at times. I have C905 software from an old phone I had and it's a doddle, dead easy to use. I think it is whichever security programme you are running. Hope this helps.

Posted by: iaminperth at July 26, 2010 8:37 PM

Hey anokayguy..a few days ago you said...quote...
"I am in contact with someone at the moment and, being an eternal optimist, am hoping to be able to hide my profile soon"

Who knows..just perhaps........smiles...

Posted by: sweetmixture at July 26, 2010 6:07 PM

As long as we keep in mind the purpose of this site, I think we can still remain positive. I haven't ruled out meeting someone by chance either but theoretically at least, this site should stack the odds of finding someone with similar values etc. I have frequently endured the sudden no contact thing and figure if I can't hold their interest for more than a couple of emails, there isn't much point in a date. My problem is that I tend to like people too much too early and then get disappointed. You can't force it and ultimately you won't have to if the other person is right for you and vice versa. The main thing is not to define your self esteem by the way people treat you on this site.

Posted by: anokayguy at July 26, 2010 4:37 PM

Thank you very much iaminperth for being so presumptuous that I am computer literate at my age. You seem to be far more of an expert than I do on the subject, so would you be as to so kind to do myself and other Sony Ericsson C905 users a favour and please advise Sony Ericsson and also Bigpond of where the problem lies after you download the Sony Ericsson software to ones computer as to why you then can not connect to the internet, until you delete the software from your computer? Considering I spent in excess of several hours last week with both organisations trying to solve the problem neither party can.
Due to my sever lack of computer knowledge I only know of one way to upload a photo on here, which is from the files on your computer.
I do apologise for my "pretty weak" excuses, however at least I'm big enough to admit my downfalls and not profess to be an expert at something I'm not. I can only one day hope to have half the computer skills you seem to posses.
Thank you for your time, comment and help in advance in regards to the phone and internet issue.

Posted by: surething101 at July 26, 2010 2:41 PM

So surething101..regardless of the negative things you may have experienced..how did you go with the 4 who did reply?

Yes of course you have to be careful when you join a dating site but RSVP is definitely legitimate as I have spoken to and met REAL people through this site. In your age group ( peeked at your profile..34) I would imagine there would be more people contacting you and visa versa. You did mention that you sent about 15 kisses with only 4 replying..Hehehehe some people don't even get 1 reply so count your blessings lol!!
You also make it quite clear about your pic which just brings it home that some do not even read the profile first..they only want to see a pic first, then perhaps read the profile if they like the pic..kind of sad really as we can''t all be oil paintings.. lol!! There are some wonderful gems out there just waiting to be found but their looks may not be their most redeeming factor and it is such a shame that we place so much importance on the looks dept. although naturally we don't wish to be repelled by someone who perhaps does not take pride in their overall appearance.

Lotsoflove67..don't leave the site but just go about your days doing the normal things you do and leave the door open in the real world should someone interesting wish to enter it, as well as also staying with the site. You never know, just when your not expecting it, you may receive a few kisses and like anokayguy said..only needs to be 1..smiles....
amberlightrose..yes..am enjoying the friendship right now and he is kind and sensitive. just hope I don't let him down if I can't be all he wishes for...Don't go too far away amberlightrose as your blogs are always great to read and very to the point.
OMG anokay guy do women say those kinds of things "all men are bastards"? I learned a long time ago never to "generalise" or assume that people are the same regarding certain things. It's like hearing some men say.. "All women are gold diggers!" Simply not true. Everyone is a unique individual and of course the way one has been treated in the past could have a bearing on the way one acts today but as I said before..good manners cost nothing and we need to move on in life and leave the bad stuff behind us.

Posted by: sweetmixture at July 26, 2010 1:44 PM

I think Surething that any woman around your age is going to want to see a photo. Your reasons for not having one available are pretty weak. You could easily transfer any photos from your mobile phone to your computer and if the driver hasn't been installed manually then download it from the providers website. Same thing with the camera and windows 7, just download the camera driver from the website. Alternatively post a photo to the site owners. I don't think it's the fact that you don't have a photo showing but it's the excuses for not having one that sound dodgy.

Posted by: iaminperth at July 26, 2010 12:48 PM

Your friend does sound lovely Sweetmixture.
I can't imagine any man I've ever known to be kind and sensitive enough to send beautiful flowers at such a bittersweet time! What a catch :)

On comments about sending and receiving emails.
I have to say I too, find it a little bewildering when people just simply stop responding.
Even if you are only a two-finger typist it takes just a couple of minutes to write "Sorry but I don't think we've got enough in common" or "Look I've met someone else and would like to give that a go".
MOST of us are adult enough to go "Okay thanks, hope it all goes well" aren't we?
Oh well, such is life :) No point in getting too bothered about it.

I would think that for most of us with well-balanced and happy lives, RSVP is but a micro-bit of life and very much like the lottery: "It would be nice...." but just like a lottery we don't exactly plan our future on it!

I suggest that for all but a VERY tiny minority of us, (either just plain lucky or among the incredibly 'desirable') RSVP (or any other dating site) is NOT where we will find a future life-partner!
I imagine we are more likely to bump into him or her in quite mundane circumstances.

For those of us who have life-experience and are mature and self-reliant, we appreciate that we'd much rather be alone than horribly sad and lonely with someone who is simply not 'good' for us, just so we can say we "have a relationship", it's all good really.
However I do feel sad for those who have high hopes on meeting someone through this medium but end up having disappoinment after disappointment.
Life waiting for 'the one' just isn't fun for some people.
I suspect the more sensitive and vulnerable among us might well be have seriously eroded self-esteems after too many dating-site encounters!

Anyway, I think I'll just go icognito for a while and check the blogs from time-to-time to enunciate occasionally my less than exciting (AKA "boring") view of the world :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at July 26, 2010 12:06 AM

I'm new to this site, and I must certainly agree with sweetmixture. It's simply manners and common sense to reply to kisses and especially emails.
I don't have a photo up only as I can't get my digital camera to work with Windows7. I even put this in my profile. I have no problem at all getting dates in the real world, yet because I don't have a photo on here, and yet even though I say why in my profile I still get replies "can I see your photo please". I take the time to then email them and explain my situation, I even describe myself and out ot 15 emails I've sent doing this, I've had 4 reply. They don't even bother to read my profile first, then are ignorant enough not even to bother replying. I try and see a positive in everything, and even with the expense of the stamps, the dent it puts in your self esteem I wouldn't want to know a "Shallow Hal" anyway and it's obvious these ladies are only interested in looks, so it's their loss.
Only this week former Australian dating website RedHotPie was found guilty by the ACCC for creating fake profile accounts to trick people into joining their site. They have been fined a massive amount of money, been ordered to repay members who joined the site between a certain time period to receive a full refund, and make public apologises for their actions. It certainly makes you wonder when you join an internet dating website.
I can say from my experience over the past 2 weeks, the rudeness of most ladies I've messaged/kissed I will not be back once my stamps have been used. I think I'll go back to the old school method.

Posted by: surething101 at July 25, 2010 2:38 PM

Hi everyone, great to read some of the responses to my rant, and yes, I was particularly upset when I wrote it as I had just been ignored by someone that I was particularly looking forward to getting to know better. I'm sorry to those that took my comments to be sexist, I am the least sexist person on the planet!! I don't contact women on this site so have no way of knowing how they are behaving. If the there are girls out there without backbones too then I'm not happy with them either. I have been on this site for what seems like a very long time. I've been lucky enough to meet two gorgeous men and one that was not so gorgeous, but I still learned something from the experience - what not to do next time!! I have to admit that its really hard to remain positive. I've tried all tactics, I make contact, or I wait to be contacted, it seems neither is working right now. Not sure why and perhaps it is time to take a break. I just feel like if I'm not here then that's one more door closed to me and I'm not prepared to give up on finding a lovely man to spend some time with. Rest assured guys, I don't need a ring on my finger, I don't want your house or your car, I just want you, and want you to want me. Pretty simple I think. Who agrees with me?

Posted by: lovetolove67 at July 23, 2010 10:45 PM

Your profile is very good eighteen and I bet your dog is a Jack Russell [the footy hooligan of the dog world] !

Posted by: iaminperth at July 23, 2010 6:38 PM

I'm going to try to be a voice of optimism here...for a change. Agree with SM, don't quit 18f and Ynneb. It only takes one if she is the right one. If someone is too rude, lazy or otherwise occupied to answer an email, then they have already demonstrated that they are probably not your ideal match and it's better to have found out after a $10 stamp rather than a few dates. The nature of this site is such that, if you're goodlooking and are blessed with the ability to write an eyecatching profile, you will have lots of options (more about good looks I think) but I'm realistic enough to know that if someone has sparked my interest, there will be lots of others and I may well be at the end of a long queue. I quite understand that it may take a couple of days or even more to answer my emails but, if I'm interested in someone, I'm sure not going to waste time "playing it cool" and will answer as promptly as I can. If that scares her away, c'est la vie, it probably wasn't meant to be. I appreciate it when someone has the gumption to email and say they no longer wish to correspond but sadly, very few do.
As for profiles, my advice is check spelling, punctuation and don't use text speak. The biggest turn-off is for me though is the "all men are bastards" vibe which is surprisingly common and not that hard to pick up. It's not true. I'm living proof. :) Keep smilin.

Posted by: anokayguy at July 23, 2010 6:33 PM

To those women who are sending an email to a guy and not getting a reply, here's an idea. probably best to send out a kiss to someone 2 or 3 times back and forth instead of directly after they reply to your kiss positively. What i mean is, instead of: kiss > kiss reply > email, it's probably better to do this: kiss > kiss reply > kiss reply > kiss reply > email.

Anyways, someone mentioned that all of this stuff is "soul destroying"... it might be, but u shouldn't let it get to u.. just keep a positive attitude.. those who don't become "damaged goods" and it doesn't help their chances any.

Posted by: simondruid at July 23, 2010 4:59 PM

I think that EVERYONE should answer emails whether they are male or female lol. I am sure there are many negative stories to be heard on both counts. If someone takes the trouble to send you one, it is common courtesy to reply, even if to say that you do not wish anymore contact.

"eighteenfathoms" and "Ynneb1985" I hope you don't give up as the thing is that some dates even if they don't lead to anything serious can be so pleasant and interesting. If you think your profile is lacking have a friend take a look at it and see if they think you could make some positive changes. Your profile may be perfectly fine right now and it's just a case of the women who might find you and your profile interesting just have not been looking.. smiles.. That doesn't mean they won't..eventually!

People are all so very different but that's what makes for a fascinating meeting at times. I would love to hear some of the experiences people have had perhaps in another Blog entitled maybe..
"What has been your worst or best experience on a dating site" lol I bet there have been some "doozies" Sheesh I haven't used that saying in a while..not sure even how to spell it hehehe..........

Anokayguy, your suggestion about the first e mail being free and the person replying having to use a stamp could work as only those really really interested would reply therefore no one's time is wasted at this point anyway. Like you said..RSVP bank on these things happening as they are still a business in the market of making money out of people looking for new friendships and love. I don't think there is a simple solution and all in all I still like the way that RSVP operates although there is always room for improvement and I think they are constantly trying to look at ways of doing that.

At the end of the day..no one is forcing anyone to spend out money and if you feel that you have spent enough then it's time to stop, think and possibly re-evaluate your position.

Posted by: sweetmixture at July 23, 2010 1:13 PM

I agree with ynneb1985. I too get the same thing. I am about to give up on this whole thing. I have tried both aproaches, contacting members and also waiting to see who contacts me. On replys, I get nothing in return. Perhaps somebody needs to help me with my profile?? hahaha.

Posted by: eighteenfathoms at July 23, 2010 8:53 AM

Brilliant stuff Sweetmixture. It's nice to hear some positive stuff on the blogs. Think your friend is a gem by the sound of it.
here's a suggestion: How about the initial email is free then the other party has to pay to reply. That wouldn't stop the game players but at least we wouldn't waste so many stamps. Of course this suggestion won't be considered because this site thrives on us wasting our stamps. :)

Posted by: anokayguy at July 22, 2010 7:33 PM

hehehe Anokayguy......

I "gots" me some beautiful flowers..smiles... A lovely arrangement of large yellow gerberas,,pink astors and pink lilies arranged in a yellow box..they are still looking beautiful on my table and so fresh still. I had just been saying to my daughter that I had never really known many men who sent me flowers in my life when these came lol..Now I have to eat my words as my daughter had been asking me if my friend had ever sent me any flowers and I had said no. Never understimate someone huh? I was as pleased as punch as I do so love receiving flowers. He knew it was the anniversary of my husband's death so it was a lovely thoughtful thing to do..The card read...Some flowers for you at this special time...

I was thinking about your post regarding emails however my thoughts were more on kisses. In the past I may have received a few kisses and been away at the time..On arriving home I would have replied straight away..possibly to one or two saying yes that I would like to get to know them but then have not heard anymore as I think they thought I had taken too long to reply to the kiss. We need a kiss reply saying something like.. "Sorry I have been away but yes I would like to get to know you etc etc.........."

Certainly regarding emails, I think as soon as one receives an email it should be replied to as soon as possible. As for "lovetolove67" Having used stamps to send emails and not have them replied to I think is very rude. If one does not wish to take things further after reading the email it costs the recipient nothing to just send an email back saying so. That would be frustrating "lovetolove67" I agree with you.

Posted by: sweetmixture at July 22, 2010 4:49 PM

What about the women on this site? Why are you so sexist?
I send a flirt to someone, they either just totally ignore it, or they view my profile, then not reply back! At least you are getting somewhere lovetolove67...

Posted by: ynneb1985 at July 22, 2010 3:41 PM

The way I look at the situation Ok is that some people take ages to reply and mess around and do their own thing. That's who they are and that's not a bad thing, maybe they start writing and then can't think of anything, maybe they share a computer, who knows ? Whatever, that's not a bad thing and they are certainly not bad people, they are just being who they are. Other people see an email and it needs a reply, no matter what, there it is, I need to reply. And others are just slacko game players. You can do nothing at all to change any of these people. All you need to do is make sure you do the ';right thing' according to your own standards and be honest with who you are.

Posted by: iaminperth at July 22, 2010 3:17 PM

I think RSVP staff could lurk in these forums to listen to complaints and put in some automated machinery that observes people's behaviour and somehow penalize fakers who join the site with no intention of participating in a normal manner.

Unless RSVP staff are in collusion with these fakers. I wouldn't be surprised. :P

-Simon

Posted by: simondruid at July 22, 2010 2:40 PM

To lovetolove67, I totally agree with what you say, what is it with the men on this site? They either don't reply to emails or they send you a kiss and then when you reply positively saying you would like to hear from them, they go silent. If they change their mind then that's fine but the least they could do is send another free kiss wishing you well in your search or along the lines that lets the person know that they have had a change of mind. As you say, they have no backbone or manners.
Wishing you all well in your search.

Posted by: rae9adz at July 22, 2010 1:28 PM

I know I'm not a lady, lovetolove, but I've got to say it's not just the men on this site. I've wasted some stamps too and would like $10 back for each of them. However, the nature of this site means that some people are just racking up contacts whilst others are happy to get emails so they can have a "fall-back" option if the first 20 favourites don't work out. Do you want any of those guys? Being that I'm no oil painting, this site can be damaging to the self esteem but I hvae learned to cope by telling myself that there only has to be one...and it is more likely to be the one that emails me. I got one email that started "Hi Jack" (name changed for anonimity) and my name's not Jack. Whilst it's not a hanging offence, I sort of think someone really interested wouldn't make that mistake. Hang in there, the right guy will look at your profile and see a gorgeous princess. Hope that helps.

Posted by: anokayguy at July 22, 2010 1:22 PM

Hi Ladies, is anyone sharing my frustration with the men on this site? I have sent several emails to men who have replied to my kiss with 'Looking forward to receiving your email' and when I have, they don't respond and simply disappear from RSVP, what's with that? I'm getting really sick of these so called gentlemen that have no backbone or manners. If I'm that off putting then send an auto reply but don't just ignore me, that's just disrespectful. I'd like a dollar back for every stamp I've wasted on these guys that have as little courage as common courtesy. Not happy!!

Posted by: lovetolove67 at July 22, 2010 11:16 AM

Thanks, Iaminperth. I agree but have had experiences where people leave 3 or 4 days before answering an email or just pen a one-liner explaining why they won't be able to contact you for the next week or so and then they come up online the next day! My original question was more about trying to get a handle on how other people behave. Fortunately, I am only looking for one special person and it won't be someone who plays games. I am in contact with someone at the moment and, being an eternal optimist, am hoping to be able to hide my profile soon.....
Hey Sweetmixture. What came to your door? I gots to know..

Posted by: anokayguy at July 22, 2010 10:40 AM

Prompt email response is much nicer and helps the other person to know that you are not a scammer, as I have had lots of trouble with this. Also, if you think about how much time, emotion and cost has gone into the effort of answering the request for an email then you wouldn't want to keep them waiting. If they are scared off by your fast response then it is their problem and you may not be suited to them. Of course there will always be a lag time for people at work but that is fair enough. This all assumes that the one you have contacted is indeed a real person and not a fake.

Posted by: msmagnet09 at July 21, 2010 10:37 AM

Ok, Answer the email when you receive it. That's just good manners. Messing about should I shouldn't I, that's just game playing.

Posted by: iaminperth at July 20, 2010 5:43 PM

Here's a question: If you're really interested in pursuing a relationship with someone you've contacted, should you play it cool and leave a bit of time between emails or should you reply straight away and risk scaring the other party away? I know I like getting prompt emails.

Posted by: anokayguy at July 19, 2010 5:32 PM

Thank you for your good wishes msqc. By the way don't get too worried if you see I have been looking at your profile lol! I try to click and copy the name sometimes to insert into my post and end up clicking and getting the profile lol...it is apparently quite common actually to see women have been checking your profile out, so I have noticed. Sometimes I think it is because someone reads a post and wants to see who you are. I think too it would be a good idea when the persons nickname shows on a post to show next to it in brackets..f or m 60 etc whatever the age... so those reading the posts know the age and sex of the poster lol..That's my opinion anyway...smiles....
My friend rang me yesterday asking if I would be home today as I have been out most days this week..On replying that I would, he remarked that something would be coming to my door..lol..so not too sure what that will be..flowers perhaps..maybe him?!! lol..Guess I will have to wait and see.

Posted by: sweetmixture at July 16, 2010 12:59 PM

Hi Sweetmixture, you seem to be having a wonderful life with this guy. I think we all could learn a few things on the way you've gone about and developed a really good friendship first..Hope it all continues to work out for the both of you :-)

Posted by: msquietlyconfident at July 15, 2010 9:13 PM

Hi Anokayguy. If it's easier for you or anyone else in shortening my name, then go for it :-)
If all our views are similar on hiding profiles....... Then everyone else should feel the same way, right! LoL
Basically, if you pull your profile off. Then I believe it shows the other person concerned that you respect and care enough about them and the relationship,
If either is showing " I'm still available ". Then don't think your treating the current relationship too seriously. What I'm refering to here is more only for people that have entered Into that "whole package" committed relationship. Not still at the dating/friendship stage.
I did have an odd experience when I listed my profile as "attached, seeking friendships only" so if I enter into another relationship, think I'll just remove my profile.
Can't imagine I'll ever regret any relationship that I might enter into nowdays. Including my last. We did share what I believed, some wonderful moments.. I just followed my gut instinct. I've no regrets and wish him all the best...
Maybe the only thing learned. I'll probably develop more of a longer friendship next time...
Seeing how I'm still fairly new into dating/relationships again. Believe I'll make quite a few mistakes and it'll be a whole new learning experience for me...
It's got me thinking tho'. (am I the lucky last stamp? Or do I have to compete with others) Rather daunting! Think I'll just be me, faults and all. Lol.....
As far as for any players on here or anywhere really. Well golly gosh, have those certain individuals wondered while there "thinking" how much fun they're having. There wasting not just other peoples time, there also wasting their own!. Really what have they achieved, or can look back on favourably, in those later years?

Posted by: msquietlyconfident at July 15, 2010 9:11 PM

Sweetmixture, your friend really does sound like a pretty good bloke from all you've written about him and meeting the kids is a really good sign. The fact that he was worried is probably a good sign too. Hope he is a 'keeper".
Msquietlyconfident (mind if I call you msqc?) I couldn't agree with you more about the hiding of a profile once you're in an established committed and intimate relationship. I feel that you're just letting the other person know you're trying to 'better deal' them if you stay on and that hardly inspires trust and confidence. Of course, if you have pen pal or just friendship status, it's probably different. The problem with this dating thing is you don't know how many others are on the other party's list or how far down the pecking order you are. I guess it's no different if you met by chance. Just because someone's on a date with you doesn't mean they haven't dated 10 other people in the last month! I guess at some stage you have to take a chance on a person and hope they don't make you regret it.

Posted by: anokayguy at July 14, 2010 11:21 PM

Yes Anokayguy.. I will probably say something to my friend next time we have a door to get through lol and make a joke of it but still get the point across and I would hope if there is something which annoys him about me he would feel comfortable enough to broach it with me also.
Thanks aloveoflife for the comment and hope everything is going well for you!
Msquietlyconfident you actually hit on a good topic for us to chat a bout..whether to hide the profile or not once two people have been dating for a while and they are beginning to establish a relationship. Let me see now...my friend has pulled his profile out or made it invisible not sure which but it is gone and yet mine is still there. I suppose in my mind as we are not in an intimate relationship, I still see myself as available but I have certainly been thinking very recently about making my profile invisible as our friendship seems pretty well established with no thought of e nding it on either side. He knows my profile is still active and I have not tried to hide the fact. We do trust each other and have had no reason not to..I have not seen any other man since he and I first started to meet and he has not seen any other women and I have rejected quite a lot of kisses in that time so I seriously need to think this through and just make the decision I think..to be fair to all. Thanks for your perspective on this subject as it has made me rethink a few things where peoples feelings are concerned. I am sorry though that your relationship came to an end.
Amberose was good reading all your comments also.
Oh by the way all...my friend and I were out on Saturday..went for a drive and then on to eat some lunch..having a great day, no phones ringing as we were in an area which had no service then all of a s udden when we drove back into phone civilisation lol..I get a message from my daughter inviting myself and my friend over for afternoon coffee..Sheesh.. Omg!!..what to do.....what to do? Lol! My son and daughter had never met him and here they were all going to be over at my daughter's house..the whole family at one time..grandchildren and one friend as well as childrens spouses..all together lol!
Anyway my friend told me his heart was absolutely racing at the thought but like the good sport he is, he agreed to go ahead with the visit and everything went fine. I think he was a little overwhelmed at first but seemed to settle down in no time chatting away with my son for quite a while and at least now when I mention my family he knows who they are so to speak plus after nearly 9 months of dating they know who I am seeing and out and about with. IF he had baulked at the idea I would not have insisted we go but was glad when he made the effort..smiles...

Posted by: sweetmixture at July 14, 2010 1:06 PM

Yes Amberose I'm with you in all aspects with what you've said, and I thankyou for your comments. I too believe in open communication, especially right from the start. Yes there was alot of open communication between this man and I right at the start. We expressed the same views on what we believed a commited relationship entailed. Especially as far as being mongramous and both of us did express our feelings for each other were similar..
Awhile back I did remove my profile, and did inform other gentleman emailing me of the situation. However I became a bit disheatened as this particular guy I was seeing still had his profile up, and not changed. Yes I did discuss this with him, and he did say he'd remove it if it made me feel better. *laughs* actions sometimes speak louder than words (nope he didn't remove it) So I put my profile back up, and altered what my status was and what I was looking for..Oh heck, "shock, horror" I got all sort of guys contacting me with rather undesirable profiles ( looking for discreet moments) YUK!!! I'm sorry this is rather NOT my scene and make's me a little sick in the stomach thinking about it.
So on an update to where I am now. I've ended what I believed to be the start of a wonderful relationship. Yes I genuinually cared for him and miss him a little still. However I believe words go hand in hand with actions. I had a terrible gut feeling for sometime that something teribly was amiss, and believed he acted inapropriatly on a number of occasions with unwelcome talk. "no I'm not a prude" But crikey's NO I won't prostitute, nor do I wish to hear of what his friends get up to.
I was a little sad *grins slightly* bought a couple of chocky bars the other day, coupled with a glass of red wine..But hey, I was feeling a bit down in anycase, as my father passed away a few weeks back.
Overall I'm happy enough with my decission to admit I made a mistake in this case, and walk away, than try to understand what goes through this man's head..

Posted by: msquietlyconfident at July 14, 2010 12:03 PM

Oh gosh Okguy, 8 kids and new relationship - I would take the cat and the tv any day of the week. I have a friend with 5 kids and her husband works all manner of weird and wonderful hours and the noise alone sends me nuts. After a while with all the noise I start going white and the kids take me outside and make me a cup of pretend tea with lots of pretend sugar and shhhhhh each other, which is usually about 10 decibles higher in noise anyway! I love and need my quiet times. I like noise and big crowds but I must have my escape back to peace and quiet.

My daughter bought me the whole boxed set of Hellen Mirren Prime Suspect series and I don't think anyone is going to see me at all for the next two weeks or so.

It's so damned cold here anyway and raining, raining, raining. Electric blanket and good dvd series with the cat, or my case the cats is a lovely way to go.

I hope you are not feeling too bad about your breakup but things like that can get on your goat after a while.

I think in any relationship sometime it's the little things that get under your skin.

Posted by: iaminperth at July 13, 2010 4:11 PM

Hi Msquietlyconfident,
I don't think that anyone can ever really be certain they are in a 'committed relationship' no matter how intimate, unless both parties know and have actually AGREED that is where they are heading.

Sadly not everyone is truthful, honest and up-front with their feelings.
While they may appear to be saying all the right things to give the impression they really care, some people often leave themselves an unspoken out-clause such as "I never said we were in a relationship" or "I never once said I loved you" or "I never said I wanted us to be exclusive" or something similar.
And I guess truthfully, if they haven't actually SAID those words, they haven't actually lied, so we have sadly made a seriously flawed assumption.

If someone doesn't take down their profile once you begin what YOU think is a serious, sexual relationship, I think that they are indicating that the 'being in a committed relationship' feeling is not exactly mutual.
Either that or perhaps they don't see monogamy as an important part of a committed relationship.
The "Well I'm here, aren't I?" school of thinking!

So many people, both men and women (but I think lot more often women) get hurt in this scenario.
If neither of you take down your profiles, then I think it's safe to think that neither of you are all that serious about your 'relationship'.

It's best to be up-front with what you want I think, right from the beginning.
That way the other person understands that you will NOT be used as a 'booty call'.

Best wishes and I hope you find who you are looking for :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at July 13, 2010 3:21 PM

Good point HB.
I imagine that may be what a lot of people think, although I prefer the friendship box myself.
I truly want someone who is emotionally capable of being a friend as well as a lover/partner.
Hope things are going well for you.

Hi Alove, lovely to hear from you. Glad to hear you are well and still travelling you lucky thing :) Glad to hear our Virgo is so happy.

Anokayguy,
Yes I think that often happens. Sometimes no matter how much we want it, it's just not really "right" for us. Luckily it was only 3 years, (still a long time though) there are some couples who take a good many years longer to realise they are just making each other unhappy.
Children can make things so much more complicated as well.

Hi Andthebestpartis,
I think you need to be honest with him. Tell him how you really feel without pressuring him or being too emotional.
He could just be waiting for you to 'have the talk' but sadly I think although he does like you very much, he doesn't want to make it more permanent, otherwise he probably would have already been checking to see how you felt about making your relationship exclusive.

It is probably best you find out now rather than later, I imagine you don't want to end up wasting years hoping for something that can never be.
Some men can have a casual 'relationship' for a very long time, sometimes decades and never want it to go any further, no matter how amazing the woman is.
If you are looking for long-term commitment, you probably need to be prepared to walk away without looking back and with your self-respect intact.

You deserve to be happy and have the kind of relationship you are looking for. If your current guy doesn't want a committed relationship, you can be sure there is someone else out there who wants what you want too.
Just listen to your "gut" feelings, deep down you know what is really right for you :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at July 13, 2010 11:46 AM

Hi Sweetmixture,
Yes the door opening dilemma these days :)
I would mention it to him actually, because although it may not be much of an issue now, but it might be in a few months/years.
Sounds ridiculous doesn't it?
But it seems that for many couples it is the small things that can seem to indicate lack of respect and so eventually culminate into relationship-breaking problems.

He might just do it a) because he has never had it drawn to his attention or b) because like many men these days he has TRIED in the past and has been embarrassed by some very rude women who have been amazingly convinced that a man opening the door for them is just an expression of male superiority and so have snapped angrily at him!
It might not have even occurred to him that you would appreciate it.
He may decide to do it, he may not but at least you'd understand why he doesn't :)

Me, well if I reach the door first I will happily open it for those following, epecially those older, or young women with children or those with their hands full.
If a man is gentlemanly enough to open the door for me, I am genuinely delighted and appreciative :)
It seems ludicrous that such a polite expression of good manners can be made an issue of by some people, doesn't it?

As far as difference is concerned, while I think many values and beliefs are very important, including honesty, I probably think one of the most important values is actually having RESPECT for another's differences.
This includes the right of the other person to BE diifferent and think differently to you.

I think the big problems happen in relationships when people decide that they need to CHANGE the other person's point of view to resemble their own.
They come from the position that the other person's viewpoint is wrong and THEIR viewpoint is right.
This can be over such minor issues such as a your partner's taste in music.

So instead of agreeing to disagree and finding a way that they can work things out together so no one feels diminished, they spend months/years trying to convince the other person how wrong they are to think/feel like they do.
This never works. So while the more dominant person may think they have WON, because the other person no longer dares to disgree, the point is they have by then, usually lost the other person's love and respect and the relationship is doomed.

Where the values and beliefs come in I think, is when these are so different, that neither party feels that they can live with in the other's value system. An example of this is honesty.
If one person feels it is okay to lie or not share their feelings, feels it's okay to steal or cheat on their partner and the other person believes that this is not okay, I can't see how these two points of view can be reconciled.
In this case I think it is better that both parties just realise it is better to just move on and find someone whose values are closer to their own!

So it seems Sweetmixture, that while you and your friend might be as "different as chalk and cheese" on the surface, that underneath all of this many of your values, including respecting another's person's right to be different, are very similar.
Which is maybe why you feel so comfortable with him?

I think people would be a lot happier if they thought more about their own values and beliefs and those of the person they are really looking for first, rather than just 'picking' someone because they might be available (and maybe good-looking?) and then trying to squash the poor person into the "ideal partner" mould thay have inside their heads!

One man's "hopeless and difficult" woman is another man's joy just BECAUSE she is so hard to predict; one woman's "gutless" husband is another woman's "gentle and caring hero" BECAUSE he is always emotionally there when she needs him.
People are who they are and that needs to be respected.
If someone doesn't live their life as we think they should, it just means that they aren't right for us, not that they are necessarily wrong!
Just because someone is not right for me, doesn't mean he is not right for someone else and so will be cherished by her, exactly how he is at this moment.

Rather than desperately picking an 'image' and trying to change the poor person that is part of it, into the person we THINK we want, then hanging on for dear life because we are too frightened to be alone; would it not be just better to move on and find someone whom we can love and respect and who could love and respect us, just the way we both are?
Yes, it might take a whole lot longer, but I think in the end life may be a whole lot easier.

I suppose it all depends on our perspective.

Posted by: amberlightrose at July 13, 2010 10:57 AM

Hey anokayguy care to drop me the numbers of your Exs friends!!:)) I pay no intention to the short or long term relationship status box. I think if there is enough connection a short term can easily lead to a long term relationship. this site is full of people that clearly are not ready to be in a relationship as yet, most of the people on here are looking for an ego boost to help their emotional problems escaping lifes difficulties using online dating as an out let.

HB

Posted by: hotblooded1 at July 12, 2010 3:55 PM

I have been casually dating a guy I met on this site for around 6 months. We get along great, enjoy each other's company and have an intense mutual physical attraction. Sometimes we see each other couple times a week or can be 2 weeks or so inbetween depending on our busy schedules. We both came out of long term relationships and are both cautious. My friends tell me I am very attractive and great fun and could have any guy I want, but I just want the one it seems I can't have. I have continued dating casually (no hookups) to see if my feelings for this guy will fade. I feel I am sacrificing my true feelings to satisfy the casual whims of someone I secretly have feelings for? Am I wasting my time in hoping that his feelings for me will develop over time?

Posted by: andthebestpartis at July 10, 2010 11:44 AM

Thank you too AmberLightrose for your considered comments. Because we (my ex partner and I) discussed everything comprehensively, we both knew what the other's opinion would be and frequently felt criticised even when nothing was said. I really wanted it to work, almost willed it to work at times but reality kicked in eventually. Maybe that explains why so many people are after short-term relationships. Less pain, less complications and you can walk away bruise free. Not for me though.

Posted by: anokayguy at July 10, 2010 12:27 AM

Hi all, sitting back enjoying the comments and banter and it's like the family are back again. Yes HB, you are cheeky my dear nephew and it is lovely to see you SweetMixture again. Perthy I will never tire of your posts about your pets and no I still haven't got another one, had so much travel with o/s at xmas, went to Sydney and Melbourne in June. Met up with our Virgo for a few days and another gorgeous girl from here and we had a ball. Virgo is still a blissful RSVP success story and is over in the wild west at the moment. Amber you post such thoughtful and insightful posts, they really get me thinking, such a smart girl!! Good to see you all here, I did jump off for a little while but I'm back so no gossiping about me as I am reading quietly, sssshhhh. Oh, also quit the sales exec job Perthy and am now just doing some contract work and concentrating on my decorating. So nice to have less stress! Have a wonderful weekend everyone, Alove x

Posted by: aloveoflife at July 9, 2010 9:50 PM

Thank you for your response SweetM. I would say it could be an idea to say something to your guy about his manners. If you really get on that well, he'll be able to take it and adjust his behaviours accordingly. In turn, he may pluck up the courage to tackle issues he has with you.

IaminPerth, it's not in my nature to blame the other party for our break-up nor will I badmouth an ex in this forum so I will take your whack with good grace. Suffice it to say, there was much we did enjoy together but ultimately, we both had to put our kids ahead of our own interests (8 in total)....and criticism of music or a TV show does not constitute criticism of the person who may enjoy it, especially when your opinion is sought. I find at the moment that my cat is really good company. He likes all the same music and TV shows as me, never criticises me and wants to sleep with me every night........?

Posted by: anokayguy at July 9, 2010 6:21 PM

Hi everyone I'd like to ask for anyone to comment, "if they wish" on whether they'd take off their rsvp profile, or least adjust it, if they were involved with a man/women? I do mean more than just dating here, where both parties considered they were more than just dating. I know what my views are about this are, and for the life of me I can't see anything positive about why someone would want to keep their profile open, still saying that they were single looking for a long term partner. To me it's all about honesty to me and to other people, commitment and respect for all involved. ..However many people may not think like me, "obviously" and would like to gage other peoples opinions..

Posted by: msquietlyconfident at July 9, 2010 4:20 PM

Hi Amber, My daughter has taught her little 'stomach on leg' to jump into her arms on command. So now we also have a bouncy ball kitten. If she puts both hands in front of her and twiddles her fingers and calls his name he jumpe into her arms. it looks so funny as he lays hanging here like 'look at me, aren't i so clever'. He is so tiny, about the size of a big guinea pig and i think that'sd about it in size but so heavy and eats anything at all including capsicum. he likes me but adores my daughter and goes nuts when she comes home, rather like a little dog. So funny though. Gosh, if you didn't like animals anyone would hate our house as all our pets luuuuuuve everyone !

Posted by: iaminperth at July 9, 2010 3:54 PM

Thank you "anokayguy" for presenting your views on my query based on your own experiences..I appreciate that so much.

Wow! 3 years is quite a long time isn't it and I am sad for you that this relationship did not work out as I am sure there will be much you will miss about each other after investing all that time in getting to know one another.

Well, I have commented that my friend and I are as different as chalk and cheese and yet
there is no doubt we enjoy each others company when together. One thing that does annoy me in regard to manners is when we both need to go through a doorway, he barges through first.. lol..I am so used to my husband opening the door for me and allowing me to go through first that I find it quite off putting but have never relayed my feelings to him about this. I think he is so considerate in many other ways that I just feel I shouldn't complain..smiles...perhaps he just doesn't realise he is being rude! I am sure there must be some things I do which annoy him also but he has never mentioned them if there are.

Posted by: sweetmixture at July 9, 2010 2:42 PM

Your friend does sound like a nice guy SM but maybe the thought of him snoring next to you each night is not where you are. at the moment.

It's a huge responsibility at this age as guys are looking to settle and not just play around.

I think that if you are independent and happy in many aspects of your life the step becomes even harder, sometimes almost impossible.

Anoka, You didn't like the music she listens to, the television shows she likes to watch, her kids, her friends. What did you like about her, apart from the fact that she was there and you could criticize her freely.

And, you are separated with kids which couldn't have been an easy situation for her. No wonder she called it quits, your summation of your actions sounds awful.

Posted by: iaminperth at July 9, 2010 11:22 AM

Your little cat sounds like she is quite a little character, Perth.
I think those pets with their unusual and quirky personalites are the ones we love and remember the best.
I had a cat named Oscar Wilde whom I found as a sick feral kitten. He ended up being blind except for seeing shadows afterwards.
He had the most gentle nature. He used to watch the television (he liked all the flashing movements I think) and loved pulling all the pegs out of the bucket one-by-one when I was hanging up the washing.

Unfortunately he developed a bad habit of liking to sleep up against warm car tyres in the winter and was accidently run over by a visitor to our house.

That was well over 25 years ago and I still remember him with great fondness and love.

Posted by: amberlightrose at July 9, 2010 11:04 AM

Its pouring with rain, hailing at the same time and freezing cold here in downtown Perth. yuk, I think I'll stay in bed and watch TV all day with the electric blanket turned on high. no, better get up, but gosh it's cold here, jungle curry for dinner tonight I think !

Posted by: iaminperth at July 9, 2010 10:54 AM

Hello our young lusty HB :)
do you still "feel good" these days?

Posted by: amberlightrose at July 9, 2010 10:51 AM

Good point Anokay guy :)
I find the same thing with many men's profiles as well.

As far as "love conquering all" I do agree with you. I think we do need to have very similar ideals and values in our lives to be really compatible in a long-term relationship.
I think your lady friend was very sensible. There is nothing worse than being with someone who thinks they love you, but then always seems to "disapprove" of how you live your own life.
Quite dangerous for one's self-esteem I think.
Yet it's strange how many of us will try to ignore the most major differences in values and beliefs and then wonder why we aren't happy in a relationship!

Also simple personality clashes are a BIG one!
I have adult children and much as I love my 20 year old son, I find he can really irritate me at times because he often has to turn a simple comment into a debate as to why he thinks you shouldn't think/believe what you do!
It can be over the smallest thing.
I have moments when I could just throw something at him and that is NOT at all my way of dealing with annoying people!

I can only hope it is because he is just young and brash and he will not be so pedantic as he grows older :)
None of my other 3 children are like this.
I love him dearly, just can't live with him for too long :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at July 9, 2010 10:40 AM

Hi Sweetmixture,
Your friend sounds like a really lovely guy. The fact he makes you smile even when you just think about him is wonderful.
Seems like your 'gut' feeling might be that there is lots of affirmation there and possibly even a great future for this relationship :)
I hope it works out for both of you. Good luck :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at July 9, 2010 9:32 AM

This is a response to Sweetmixture's post on July 5. I'm back on this thing (RSVP) after a relationship that lasted nearly 3 years with, I hasten to add, a lovely lady who I feel I am better for having known. At first, much of the attraction was in what we had in common (traumatic marriage breakdown/betrayal after many years of "happy marriage" as well as the "you're so not my husband/wife" factor). It turns out that we didn't really have many common interests and the little differences started to become irritations after the initial rose coloured glasses fell orf. Some of the more important differences involved children and what we would both put up with. I detested reality TV and everything it stands for (with good reasons which I'm happy to argue) whilst she loved it. I tend to listen to music critically and that irritated her no end. I frequently inadvertantly spoilt her enjoyment by analysing too much. The list goes on and on. While she was a lovely and classy lady, she had quite a few friends who were clearly not classy, had potty mouths, discussed their sexual encounters, bagged their men, etc. In short, people I would never socialise with by choice. In the end, all of this was too much and I found excuses not to visit her, especially when I knew her kids were home and awake. She sensed my distancing and ended the relationship. I probably should have had the courage to end it myself but I did still love her. It doesn't conquer all I'm afraid, especially us RSVP people who mostly have what is disparagingly referred to as baggage.
Here is a question for all you bloggers: How is it that many profiles (I only look at ladies' ones by the way) say things like "no players" then they have the "short term relationship with a male" checked? What's the definition of a player again?

Posted by: anokayguy at July 8, 2010 10:09 PM

Ahhhhh HB... it says your profile is new.. I bet you have a different name now than you did before, 2 years ago but no matter.......I don't really dwell much on young guys who send me kisses. I always reply, thank them and wish them well..

You do seem to have a good sense of humour though so once again I wish you all the best...

Oh Iaminperth..sounds like you have a lovely family of pets and companions who I am sure are very lucky that you came along and rescued t hem. That one particular one your daughter says is brain damaged I bet is the most special of all.. Good for you..smiles...

Hey tasken..your post brought back memories of a guy I dated a few times whom I thought had so much in common with me... Over 2 weeks or so we saw each other quite a few times and then all of a sudden it was ended by him..Quite surprised me actually and I had really liked him and like you thought it was all going so well..Smiles....Guess you just can't tell sometimes. I had been given the offer of staying the night with him and I had politely declined so in my mind that was the reason but there could of been a few reasons.... I concede to that. As I was new to the dating game at that time, the experience served me well for future dates..smiles....

Absolutely NO guarantees. hahaha!

Don't give up hope tasken!

Posted by: sweetmixture at July 8, 2010 7:42 PM

Yep Sweet, was about two years ago i suppose but i have a very good memory. And that reminds me, Perthy never replied to my kiss either! Norty girl Perthy thats three strikes for you chicka..!

HB

Posted by: hotblooded1 at July 8, 2010 4:39 PM

Yes Sm, She killed the clock! Also there is a large piece of plaster missing from the wall. I'm going to leave it on the floor as it can't fall any further and she seems desperate to mutilate it some more. I have four kittens, all little 'death row' inmates at local shelter. Now they sleep on electric blankets, eat whenever they want and make me laugh a lot. What more could anyone want !

This particular little one had her tail and leg broken very early on quite brutally and we think she may be a little deaf. She also has huge googly eyes which sometimes seem to move independently. She has the most perfect beautiful coat you have ever seen. She sits in the middle of the road quite happily and I run in and out the house whenever I hear a car horn. We also have to lock her in the house when I take the dog for a walk or she jaunts alongside us as well. She is also the clumsiest cat we have ever seen. My daughter says she is brain damaged, whatever, we love her dearly.

Posted by: iaminperth at July 7, 2010 10:53 AM

I agree with Amber SM. The problem often is that he won't fit in with your friends and you won't fit in with his. Sometimes all these little irritations grow. Funny in small doses and overlooked but day in and day out, geez what a bore it all ends up to be.

I just arrived home from a trip to the Asian markets in Northbridge and about to make a wonderful fresh fish curry for dinner,. It's lovely and sunny here at the moment but 1 deg. is again predicted for this evening. Have lovely fresh white fish, prawns and crab with all the fresh herbs to go with. I think that should go down nicely thank you with a couple of glasses of wine, yumbo ! it's like a large soup with lots of noodles and lashings of chilli, coriander and mint on the top.

Posted by: iaminperth at July 6, 2010 4:45 PM

Oh HB..YOU described me once as being like a bottle of red?? Wow! I have no recollection of that whatsoever.. lol I presume you were referring to me when you said "sweety" hahah..I have been compared to that quite a few times (red wine) by some.. lol..funny!

Iaminperth..I referred to your dog as "little" hahaha..hardly little at 40 kgs..our old lab was 38 and he was pretty hefty but loveable...smiles....How many cats do you have? My only pet now is a black cat about 18 months old which I acquired from my children..They thought I needed something to care for after the passing of their father..rolls my eyes! I really didn't intend to have any more pets for a while but this one came from WIRES..so I guess he is here to stay..I hate it when he goes on his mad crazy spell every day and boy does he have a fetish for paper of any kind! I am always rescuing paperwork!! ..Mind you, he does try to help me by chewing up my bills lol! Did your kitten break your clock? lol...

amberlightrose...My friend is just cut from an entirely different mould from me but if he thinks I am hurting he will come running in an instant..he never swears around me but I think like many men he would if in their (the mens') company....he mixes well with my friends and seems to be quite social...He loves cars and racing etc and plays golf.. He goes away with his golf buddies sometimes..A Ford man as he says lol! He was introduced to the theatre for the first time by me..the FIRST time at his age!. One year older than me..I couldn't believe that....he smokes..which I don't like but never does around me and hardly smokes at all when with me..He is extremely considerate but I just seem to be saying to him a lot and laughing when I say. "do we have anything in common?" lol I am not worried about him when it comes to other women as he texts me constantly..too much sometimes..I have to end them as I have things to do... Actually
amberlightrose..my friend does not really sound that bad now I come to think about it but mostly he has been around my friends as I have yet to go to his "neck of the woods" which is nearly 2 hours away by car...he never complains about distance, petrol or using his vehicle..smiles..he has been divorced for around 12 years now. He arrives early am and leaves around 9.30pm or thereabouts..Yes you are right..gut feelings play a lot I think and at the moment it is nice to have a friend..., someone who cares about me..so I think I am just going to go with the flo and enjoy what the friendship has to offer...smiles....

Posted by: sweetmixture at July 6, 2010 3:44 PM

Hi Tasken,
She really didn't like you enough it seems, which is actually okay because do you want to be "settled for" or find someone who really thinks you rock her world? And her yours?

Because in the end I believe that is who we are all looking for :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at July 6, 2010 11:18 AM

Hi Sweetmixture,
Yes I do think that it DOES make it very difficult if you are "too different" if you understand what I mean.
You need to have some real values in common, I think to make things work.
When you talk about etiquette, do you mean things like swearing or rudeness? Or is he just a bit 'rough around the edges' so to speak?
Is he happy to 'tone things down' a bit according to the occasion or is he happy being the way he is?
Is he able to have a good conversation with your friends and family or is he a person who finds it a little hard to mix with them?

I do think that these things, if there is too wide a gap, do make sustaining a relationship much harder.
Does he know you find these things an issue? And would he care if you do?

Interests in common are a different matter I think. As long as you have a few interests you can share together, it's not important if he likes car racing and you like Art Galleries.
If you feel comfortable and trusting with each other (e.g. that he is not going to try to "pull" the gorgeous-looking Grid Girl while you are at the Art Gallery!) I think it is quite healthy to have some separate interests.
I mean in my younger days, I saw the way a lot of blokes carried on at the speedway and I often thought that should be compulsory "mates-only" territory!
But I think once it gets to be more than one or two interests that are different, or the interests that ARE so different, take up such a huge part of the couple's life that they stop prioritising their relationship, then it can't possibly work in the long-term.

As far as "friends only" is concerned.
I understand 'chemistry' is important, I mean if you really like someone as a person but feel repulsed at the thought of that person kissing you; I truly doubt that would ever change!
So I think there does need to be a 'spark' there, but relationships born only from "chemistry" do tend to be very passionate, but rather short-lived as they burn out very quickly.
However, I am thinking that your 'gut' is perhaps telling you things can't go any further?

I have a friend who was happy living alone. She wasn't looking, but met a man who insisted he was happy just having a friendship/not too serious relationship.
He told her "Whatever you want, babe" which was NOT a full-blown, live-in relationship.
They have been together a couple of years and he has been 'pushing her for more' so much in the past few months, that she has started resenting him.
She feels he has just elbowed his way into her life, pretending he really cared about what she wanted.

She has recently lost a close family member and is grieving. His inability to even try to understand what she is feeling shows that he has no understanding of what "friendship" or emotional support even means.
Yet that was what he told her he was offering.
It seems he may have said that just hoping to to get into her life and eventually change her mind.
Never a great idea!
Yet how many people do that, both men and women?

Honestly Sweetmixture, in the end it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, it's what you 'feel' that matters.
We can try to rationalise our feelings, but in the end they are what they are.
Yes you may be "avoiding" a new relationship or it could just be your 'gut' or intuition letting you know that things just aren't adding up.

My advice is to always listen to your 'gut' feeling, you'll know what to do :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at July 6, 2010 11:10 AM

It might be 'bloke' talk but it is a derogatory term 'chicks' and you are now far too old to be using that terminology.

Show a little respect to the femine gender and they will respect you for it. Go thru life like an overgrown bombastic big mouth teenager and you will fail big time.

Posted by: iaminperth at July 6, 2010 11:06 AM

Could I ask a few more questions and get some views and comments from any who would like to respond?

Do you think to have a successful relationship it is important to enjoy each other's interests? How about if you are completely different in the way you live your life regarding social etiquette...manners....the way you speak regarding articulation etc. If one of the couple cares about these things and has been brought up that way but the other doesn't and hasn't...can the relationship work do you think?

Howabout if the couple don't seem to really have much in common at all but are happy to give each other space to do the things they each like to do. Do opposites in this case really attract or do you think eventually each of the couple may feel the other's ways are annoying. One may feel the partner is not cultured enough whereas the other may feel the partner is.cough cough.."up his/her self" Can these relationships work or will molehills end up becoming mountains? Through all of these differences, the couple may still enjoy their time together when involved in certain activities but ultimately can the relationship be sustained? I know there are no guarantees in life but what do you think?

And yes..this is also part of my own situation right now..sighhhhh

Posted by: sweetmixture at July 5, 2010 11:17 PM

Hi SM, My little puppy weighs about 40kgs now, but she is still my puppy. She went for two walks today, one with me this morning and one with my daughter this evening. She has eaten her dinner and is now squashed up on a sofa with one of the kittens. She will be snoring tonight !!! I think friendships grow sometimes when you can rely on another person and you get to know each other so well and accept each others foibles. I think comfortable to easy is the way to go.

One of the kittens has decided she wants to take the second hand off the clock in the spare room. There was just a very loud crash followed by a thump so I think she may just have achieved her goal, lol. better go and have a look !

Posted by: iaminperth at July 5, 2010 8:35 PM

you're ok sweety i now you have the best intentions and i really hope you find love.. i described you once like a bottle of red, ,,you know the rest!

Hi Perthy good to see your at a comfortable stage in life, i noticed you have a relaxed feel atm it comes across in your post.. Don't worry about the term 'chicks'.. ha! thats bloke talk, he'll understand perfectly well.

Hey Tasken... it sucks that so many good people go without happiness. We've talked about the power of happiness on here a while back when the blogs were in full swing. I personally think if the person you're interested in is making up pissweak excuses at this early stage you're probably better off with the dramas..! Unfortunatly for me dramas and i go hand in hand!!! you name it i've foolishly done it. But don't stop at two mate ,,get back out there and have a dig!

HB

Posted by: hotblooded1 at July 5, 2010 5:33 PM

I say go for it!. I have been trying to meet someone for god knows how long now. The longest relationship I have had was 3 months.

I am really sick of being on my own. I only recently met a very lovely girl through RSVP and we only had 2 dates both of which went amazingly well for me and I thought for her as well. We had a lot in common and seemed to be comfortable with each other.

Then she just goes cold for a rather pissweak reason (which I don't think is the actual reason at all). So if I can't make anything out of meeting a girl with so much in common I think I am pretty much screwed !

So for any lucky person out there that has a chance for a decent relationship I say GO FOR IT!

Posted by: tasken at July 5, 2010 3:04 PM

Thanks "hotblooded1"..I do intend to as "iaminperth" suggested.."go with the flo" but I am not "desperate" for a partner as you seem to imply some women are according to your post!. lol..just want to make sure if I am seeing a man, that I am seeing him for the right reasons as I don't want any regrets or misunderstandings further down the track..Friendship, I like the idea of and am happy to put myself into that..the deepest of intimacy within a relationshp needs two people of same mind frame and mine is not there at this stage...Time takes care of everything they say, so for now I am going to enjoy the friendship and not worry a bout anything else.

msquietlyconfident, your comments were interesting to read and thanks for sharing your own situation. As far as dates, my friend is quite happy to go along with anything I would like to do, as am I when he suggests something so variety at the moment is not really the issue and I must admit although he is reliable to the minute when he rings me..a couple of times when circumstance has prevented him ringing at the designated time, I have worried about him and thought it was strange.. lol Rolls my eyes!!!

After looking at your profile and being much younger than myself..I am surprised no one has snapped you up as yet as you seem to be a very vibrant person..always on the go and most attractive......I can see you have your own ideas about life though which is as it should be..smiles..

Funny "iaminperth" regarding what you said about friendship turning to something else later after friendship has fully developed...as this is what happened in the first instance with my husband. I only dated him until someone else came along but ended up falling in love with him lol....I was determined not say "I love you" to him unless I really felt that I did..smiles....Wonderful times!....
Your little dog, "Iaminperth" is lucky to have you take him out in all kinds of weather..lol and like you I don't see myself as getting old although I know by numbers I am but just don't feel it. Animals can be a lifeline..they give so much love and ask nothing in return...great companions too.. hahahaha

Posted by: sweetmixture at July 5, 2010 11:17 AM

I know, I'll close the puppy picture. The puppy now weighs 40kgs beautiful looking german shepherd. She has to share her food with four little kittens which she does quite happily and then they curl up on a couch and go to sleep. Gosh, some animals have such a hard life. Totally dependable when a stranger knocks on the front door though, lol ! Gotta love the gsd's. I am sort of still here I suppose, but really feeling the most laid back and relaxed in my whole life i think. Life is pretty easy at the moment, kids are great. Weather is cold but beach is 5 mins away, City Beach, Cott 12 mins, growing veges, Cook mainly vietnamese or Thai. just planted a lime to go with the kaffir lime, lemon and mango already growing. I really enjoy company, good conversation, lots of laughter but dramas and whingers no thanks just can't be bothered.

p.s. 'chicks' is such a derogatory term. Women, girls, female, ladies, whatever, but chicks is so 70;s.

Posted by: iaminperth at July 5, 2010 11:12 AM

live in the now Sweet and don't worry to much about what might happen if you follow your heart, what are you going to loose?

Hi perthy still here i see! don't tell me you still have that puppy picture up...? last time we spoke you were madly loosing weight. hows the garden going..?

Hey Richard ..thats how chicks operate.. they fumble about with their feelings not knowing left from right.. I put it down to choice. Woman have more options than men and are in a position of choice, constantly being allured by the chase they flipflant around until times gives them the cold shoulder then they go into reverse desperately wanting a partner. Meh...!?

Woman...? got me stuffed.

Posted by: hotblooded1 at July 4, 2010 12:31 PM

Hi Sweetmixture
I'd like to add just a couple of my views. Sorry if what I add here has already been covered. However maybe you should think of changing the place where you meet with this man. Do you meet always regularly at the same place? Maybe take a look at what you'd call a romantic date. From possibly a nice dinner and horse and carriage ride. To a long stroll and picnic. Try not to talk about the same things or topic's that you've previously covered together. Possibly go out for a pampering beforehand, and get all dressed up and head out on the town.
Also I do think that if this man is becomming quite regular with what he does, ie: he rings or visits often, especially ringing at the same time. Then I think he should back off a little, Skip a phone call or two, and let you ponder about why he maybe hasn't rung. Maybe then you'll view then this man in another light.
I don't wish to offend here, with what I'm saying, but have you thought into the posibility that you might be keeping this man at a friendship level, because unconsiously no one can take your husbands place?
I know with myself, ( no I'm not widowed) However because I've not been involved with a man in anyway other than friendship for the past 7yrs that it takes me awhile to now come around to the idea of a possible romantic relationship with a man. I certainly don't see any sparks happening over my head while I'm having coffee with any potential partner ;-)
But what I did recently with a man that I had coffee with. First, yes he ticked all my boxes as far as having similar values and I enjoyed talking to him. Yep he was also pleasant to look at. However no there was no intal chemistry for me ( btw he said there was for him). However I took a good look at myself, thinking well why not give it a go. Hey after all he was pleasant and I enjoyed the first conversation. However after our second date, We had a honest conversation . Firstly I reminded him that I did like him, and enjoyed his company. But there was no intial "wow, bang I wanna be with you forever". I asked him would he consider being patient, and possibly if he could prod me along so to speak. So he started making the first moves and holding my hand often , showed a little affection. Yes for me it felt a little odd to start with, and intially still "nope, no sparks". However slowly I've come around. The first thing I noticed was that I missed him when he failed to call one evening, and now I usually count the days now till I see him next and feel warm inside when I think of him.
Now my predicament, now where to from here with us? The way I see it, why keep yourself up as available in rsvp, if your really not. For I'm not interested in waiting for maybe something better to come along. In other words "why try to fix something if it ain't broken"..This man and I have talked and covered many things about what we want in a partner, but sheesh, pulling yourself off rsvp we've not covered. We are going along so well now, but "shock horror", maybe for whatever reason this guy doesn't want to pull down his profile. Maybe this man doesn't share these same views here as mine, and that's important to me. Gosh where to then? I know there are no guarantees in life, however I'm hoping that when this man and I sit down and have this little talk that he too shares this view, and that rsvp for both of us will be short lived.

Posted by: msquietlyconfident at July 3, 2010 10:31 AM

I think at the moment SM you need to just 'go with the flow'. I think you are putting undue pressure on yourself and in turn that would put a lot of pressure on your relationship. It would be a shame to wreck a potential friendship/relationship because you are agonizing. Maybe this will lead to something more intimate, maybe not, but whatever don't get the two confused as he sounds like a good guy and they are few and far between.

My advice would be 'think with your head'. If you need some time to explore after your sad loss then tell him, that's for him to deal with. All this rot about chemistry gives me the heebies, if it were all down to chemistry how come so many marriages fail. Obviously there has to be a physical attraction but if there is not, then you have to rethink. i think sometimes with friendship, comes love and with love comes attraction. Think with your head, enjoy each others company, see how it goes and stop putting pressure on yourself.

I'm going for a walk, with the dog, in the rain, and it's freezing, but oh the trials and tribs of getting older and deciding not to accept it too much. Lake Monger, here we come.

Posted by: iaminperth at July 2, 2010 11:23 AM

Oh.. your comments both made sense.."okamhere" and "Blueshorizon"..I did love your humorous remark okamhere..lol..quote......

"I don't think being 'swept off of your feet' is important. Afterall, being legless and unbalanced isn't really THAT attractive. hehehe Cheers" hahahah that was funny, and I have never heard it put that way before!

Sorry I did not get back sooner but have been away and just saw the replies to my post this morning. "okamhere"..I did give my friend the option some time ago to pursue other friendships if he so chose as I had realised by then that we did not have all that much in common but he downright refused.. made it quite clear he did'nt want to do that. Perhaps then I should have asked him how he would feel if I went "down that road" but I didn't and I haven't......Believe me, because of his "kind and generous traits" I have asked myself what is it I really want on more than one occasion which is why I decided to post here in the first place. I very much care for peoples feelings so am conscious about not wanting to hurt his but in the process, time is getting away for both of us.

I just feel very lucky to have found this man but just have this feeling t hat something is missing. Perhaps at my age I should be happy with what I have found in this relationship with my friend and "count my blessings" If I did go further with him and "explore my feelings" as you suggested..would that not hurt him more if I realised it was not going to work out between us?
"blueshorizon" Your two cents worth was very welcome...thank you for showing a side I hadn't thought about. It is possible I am not quite ready as yet to face an intimate relationship but I think I am going to continue to enjoy what we have right now and stop worrying about what may not happen etc...I believe there is a reason he came into my life as I know without doubt that the most of last year was the worst year I have ever had in my life as far as feeling alone and also experiencing other "hardships", but since I have met him, things have definitely been much better in many respects...I guess as analysing seems to be part of the person I am, I find it hard to just get on with life at times without being "analytical"...but like you said.."there are no guarantees".....smiles...I will try and keep you posted later as to how all is going....

Posted by: sweetmixture at July 2, 2010 9:22 AM

hey can I add my 2 cents worth?
sweet mixture I agree with the thoughts of the other ladies here. And wonder if you are keeping a foot in both camps.
This chap obviously cares for you, and you for him. He also seems to be hoping that you will change your mind, and hoping for more than is happening now. That's sad on his part - how much keeping back is he having to do? And we seem to continually counsel other women to not allow themselves to be put in that position.
Anyway - if he has all these kind generous traits, have you wondered just what you want? Is the lack of chemistry stopping anything further? Or could it just be something you've put in your path? Can I suggest that you may still be reluctant, a wee bit scared and tentative about any future relationship, with anyone? Oh it's hard isn't it - trying to protect ourselves, plus others.
But does there need to be any decision? Is there some answer, some finish line that each of you are trying to get to? Without any of the highs and lows in the journeying, or the uncertainty?
There's no guarantees in life, even less in relationships. Sometimes we need to just close our eyes and trust in the world being on our side.
Good luck!

Posted by: blueshorizon at June 23, 2010 10:57 PM

I think I'd just discuss with your friend how you're feeling. Afterall, perhaps you would like to meet other people? Perhaps he would like to meet other people if he knew your friendship was not going to deveolpe into an intimate relationship? My 'two cents' worth is this - sometimes you just have to see where the road takes you even when you can't 'see' your final destination. If he's good to you, treats you well, you like his company - then why not explore having a relationship with him? Maybe just tell him that you're unsure whether you feel 'romantic' about him, but you'd like to see if that's an option? I guess keeping one foot in the single 'market' and the other in a 'friendship' could be problematic - not to mention confusing for both. You could hide your profile so you're not contactable and explore a relationship with him. Then, if a relationship with him isn't for you there'd be no need to start from scratch again. He could do the same, and then at some point you'd either move on and either delete your profiles, or remain friends only and seek out other people. I don't think being 'swept off of your feet' is important. Afterall, being legless and unbalanced isn't really THAT attractive. hehehe Cheers

Posted by: okamhere at June 19, 2010 8:33 AM

Hi inperth..thanks for the comments. It's good to have someone elses insight into what's happening with me.
Oh by the way I forgot to mention that our first communication was back in June last year when he emailed me, but we met for the first time in the October so I guess we have known each other to a certain extent for a year now.
I think I just need to pick the right time to sit down with him and share my feelings. I remember one other time when I mentioned to him that I could not promise anything other than friendship at that stage, he told me he just loved my company and was not going to risk losing my friendship.
I think what I am asking myself is..should I feel more of an attraction to him than I do or should I be happy with the friendship we have? He does make me laugh at times and is so kind and considerate but he doesn't exactly sweep me off my feet..lol..I am very much a romantic at heart but my friend does not seem that way inclined although very thoughtful.
You are right when you say I don't need to be hurried about anything at my age but I am still conscious of time passing by. I certainly don't wish to jump into bed with him just for the sake of it. In fact for me..a person would have to be very very special before I would take that step. I definitely need to have a chat with him I know as I don't wish to sell myself short or him as he deserves so much more also. I won't make any hasty decisions though and will weigh things up.

Posted by: sweetmixture at June 16, 2010 9:07 PM

Hi Smix. I am pretty sure I know exactly how you feel. Without going into all the intricate details I think your feelings at the moment are perfectly understandable and if you enjoy his company on your own turf that's great. I think in a situation like this you need to just be very honest with him. Tell him how you are feeling a little bit hesitant, tell him how you feel about his company and work it out to proceed at your own pace. See what he says. Also I think try to imagine life without seeing him, without his phone calls and without his obvious caring of you. Maybe you have found a great friend and nothing more or maybe not, just don't completely blow it over a timing issue because the way it looks from what you have said that is all it is.

At this age you don't need to be hurried into anything at all and just take a little time to ask yourself a few questions. Write a list of all the pros and cons, he seems like a good bloke. Our generation didn't jump into bed with the first bloke we met on the first date and seeing a person as a friend since last Oct. is not a long time at all.

Posted by: iaminperth at June 16, 2010 12:49 PM

Hi everyone..well certainly some very interesting outlooks on this subject and I fInd myself in somewhat of a dilemma and perhaps some reader's comments may help me although I know that I myself have to make a decision soon.

Being an older woman of 61, widowed for nearly 4 years now I am just starting to adjust to my newly found independance. I joined RSVP some time ago and in the past did meet a few guys for the "coffee" stage after the initial emails and chats. To be honest, the men I did meet were very nice guys except for one who made me sick with his technique (well, he thought he had a technique)...I shudder at the thought...talk about crude!! but anyway, nothing came of the meetings as feelings were not mutual at that time and also I don't really think I was ready to pursue more of a relationship back then. Timing can be very important I think in many ways depending on what is transpiring in one's life.

Well, this one man used to im me all the time when I came online and we had some great conversations except he could not type very well so in the end I suggested we talk on the phone as it would take him so long to type in the message box lol. To cut a long story short..we have become very good friends as we eventually started to see each other. He comes a long distance every week to see me and is a very kind man who only wishes the best for me in many areas. However, the relationship has not gone on to the "next step" I am very fond of this man but something holds me back in this respect. I know he would welcome the relationship to go forward but he would never say or do anything to cause me to feel uncomfortable.

Sometimes I get a "kiss" from a guy on RSVP and I think it would be nice to see other men but know that it would hurt this friend of mine so I decline yet I have not withdrawn my profile from RSVP. I told him in the beginning that it was nice to have a good friend like him but I have never promised anything else. He has stayed over once and was a perfect gentleman, staying in the spare bedroom. He loves to talk about little trips away for the two of us but I have this feeling of hesitancy all the time. Am I doing the wrong thing by him pursueing this friendship or do you think I should tell him that I would perhaps like to see another man if the opportunity arose and I was interested in someone. I know he would be hurt if I tell him this and it has been nice to have company, someone to share dinner with..go to a movie with..take a small trip away with..etc etc.. much better to have company than keep going it alone but is that enough? This is the dilemma I am facing right now. Part of me does not want to ruin the good friendship we have but in the end I don't think I am being fair to him by not wanting to commit further although he has not pushed me to either. He just seems truly happy to spend as much time with me as I will allow and would talk every night on the phone if I let him. I could really do with some advice here guys. What do you think the next step should be for me???? Ultimately it's me who has to make that decision but would appreciate your comments please....Oh..I met him for the first time last October.....

Posted by: sweetmixture at June 16, 2010 11:05 AM

Surely this Blog's question is easily answered.
For in the blog preamble-
"After all, you had both committed to casual dating and nothing serious. You are having fun hooking up with no strings attached ".

Time for honesty big time at this stage !

Particulary as the blog preamble also mentions -..."you're both getting along really well, share similar interests and enjoy each other's company. Maybe a relationship could work? But you're having too much fun casually...."

The honesty with this situation is paramount - talk it through !
There aren't many options ....(a) call it quits (b) continue for a while longer as in the initial "agreed arrangement" and see what may develop. Or (c) both are at the stage that a relationship together seems like a good idea - and one was brave enough to raise the topic before the other... :-)

Posted by: onegoodman1 at March 23, 2010 5:36 PM

Hi Folks, this one is rocking isn't it.
Shadowman: The women dating/sleeping with multiple partners is not quite as malicious as it sounds. Its not like they are playing us off against each other, generally speaking I'd never know if she is sleeping with another at the same time, she's sure as hell not gonna tell me :-) Dating another at the same time is fine - its the equivalent to meeting in the club/dance when we were in our twenties - since there is no casual contact (via clubs/dances) now, we have a more one-on-one casual contact, that needs to run a few meets before a real & proper decision can be made so takes a number of weeks. Consequently things overlap with other guys for a while - as I have overlapped dating periods with women from time to time. Its the action taken when one or the other becomes serious that counts - that's the point at which one person dating kicks in - well the question gets asked anyway :-) .

And can I just second Onegoodman1's comment about the headlines "Just Looking" and its ilk - yeah, telling me upfront that your not looking for a life partner is appreciated, and allows me to move on to the next profile with minimal fuss.

I think what amberlightrose has to say about choice is quality stuff. There are quite a few profiles which say "Chemistry must be there, we all know pretty quickly if we are going to click" or words to that effect. Well there are two upshots from that kind of thinking:
(1) many people actually believe it. This means if there is no "za za zoom" (as it was said to me across the table recently ;-) then they just move on to the next potential candidate - which this huge database of online potentials allows.
(2) clicking used to mean that she didn't tell me to pee off when I said hello in the St George Leagues club (back to being 20YO here, yeah). It wasn't a sign of forever-together, just he/she might be nice to hang out with.
Now it means, I guess, 'lust at first sight' that thing that registers as he/she is what I want RIGHT NOW (very lucky to have met a couple of those and can I just say - WOW - I love women in 45 to 55 year bracket !!!).

So, expectation based on first meeting seems to have escalated a bit high for some people (not me of course ;-) the fact that you can meet someone on a bad day (don't we all work hard enough as it is) and should give them another chance even, just doesn't seem part of the equation any more.

OK, that's about as much comment as my 2cents buys now-a-days. But I wish I'd dropped in earlier this topic has sidled across a couple of related yet different pathways hasn't it ;-)

OH one other thing: people keep referring to it as "lack of honesty" when not told dating/sleeping multiples. I really don't see it that way, again its not malicious, we should all go into a meeting (first, second, whatever) ASSUMING there are other dates going on - its internet dating, you HAVE to meet one-to-one to do the casual first few get togethers and part of compatibility is the bedroom - eventually. But we should all assume there are others - until told otherwise, that's just how this game is played.

Posted by: quest4u2 at March 10, 2010 9:29 AM

G'day, I first post for me.

I have read with interest the comments so far - even the ones that have diverged somewhat form the topic at hand - thankfully the moderation has been fairly generously applied as there have been quite a few interesting side alleys investigated.

Thanks folks for your insights.

I can only offer you my experience here.

I met a girl at a party and we really hit it off. Fairly quickly we were going out quite a bit and soon I was interested in something more. She was not. The thing that saved us was that we were both honest about how we felt - she that she really enjoyed my company and valued me as a friend but did not want more - me that I did. Yes there was a certain tension in the relationship but she never tried to play on my feeling for her, and I never tried to push mine on her. They were just there and every-so-often we would talk about but until something changed in one of us we would stay in that state of dynamic equilibrium.

It stayed that way for 5 years till something happened in her life that changed how she saw me.

So for me it is about respect. If you are willing to treat others (and yourself) with real respect then just about anything can work. This girl did a lot of things that were disrespectful of others, me and herself - but one line she was never willing to cross was to pretend to me about her feelings.

In the end that lead to a relationship that was more meaningful to both of us than any other each of us had ever had.

My 2 cents worth.

Richard, Sydney

Posted by: seeker44 at March 8, 2010 10:22 PM

Hey shadowman and onegoodman ..... welcome to liberation.

Posted by: outofthefryingpan at March 8, 2010 2:02 PM

Some great points being made here on this particular blog topic.
If I may contribute the comment "with online dating" that many assumptions are made of a possible contact ( re interest) before any response is offered (a kiss or email).
Always wrong to assume and on this means of contact "online" with a view to establishing a short or long term relationship (in my case) -what attracted you initially to a particular profile may quickly dissipate with that first important coffee/eyeball to eyeball meeting and conversation.

I would think that many of us on here whilst attempting to offer in our profiles and photos to others - an honest and genuine "snap shot" of who we are and what we seek, at times we may fall short as far as the expectations or interpretations of the other from reading our given profile.

For some - an upfront honest comment as to their intent of only being on RSVP say for "casual dating" can be a turn off with the implied "butterfly syndrome" or "shopping around" coming into play.
I have read many women's profiles on here offering in their opening profile headliner comment of ---"Just looking" or "On here to see what's out there" etc.
Such comment, to some, is honest and upfront. (or perhaps they couldn't think of anything else to write on sign up).
For me at least when reading such a "headline" it does not attract further interest or a desire to read further.
So ladies - I don't know how you may react to such a comment nor if fellows use similar opening lines/ comments on here.
I don't read blokes profiles as I don't bat for the other side. :o)

My intent on being on RSVP is to establish a genuine relationship with a woman "of substance" that in the best outcome for both of us" - we will no doubt closely meet our respective profile matches without too much adjustment/allowances for either of us.
I am not on RSVP to be a "Pen Pal", for "Friendship" or for casual dating and flitting from one to another.
Surely, you would have some idea of the attraction aspects for each other or if you want to get to know each other better over that first coffee/conversation.
If not then have the courtesy to be upfront/honest and say so ASAP.

I can wait ! There is a down side with that "wait" aspect though - one may become addicted to coffee.

ONEGOODMAN1

Posted by: onegoodman1 at March 8, 2010 11:33 AM

As someone recently new to all of this and having come out of a long term relationship I have found myself a little shocked at how people treat each other in this new dating scene. The concept of women dating multiple guys at the same time and even sleeping with them all has me wondering has the dating scene now only become about fun and playing one person off against another. What ever happened to respecting the feelings of other. Once upon a time showing respect for a women was the right thing to do, now it translates into getting attached and is seen as a negative thing... has the world gone completely mad since I was last in the dating game. Looking for genuine nice girl / guy just seems to be a line these days as people are always shopping for the better model. Dating used to be about spending time with another and learning about each other, only one at a time. These days I am just waiting for the score card to come out to show how I compared to the Russian. Where have all the nice girls gone....

Posted by: shaddowman at March 7, 2010 6:51 PM

I thought it was pretty obvious: the lack of honesty everyone refers to is due to the inability to accept responsibility for ones actions. Very common in the modern society. Avoid disappointment, keep your cards close and play them very carefully. If you're not getting that loving feeling, walk away and don't be afraid to tell them why. It's a game of push and pull.

Posted by: craigsteen at February 26, 2010 9:01 AM

Oh Amber, Don't tell me you have turned into a naughty nympho !!!!

Posted by: iaminperth at February 26, 2010 12:03 AM

I agree re: the lack of honesty too and many of your comments about perhaps thinking that something better may be around the corner. I find it really confusing and disheartening, spend hours on the phone prior to the date - they tell you they could talk to you all night then spend 5 hours on the first date, seem to get along well, have lots in common, they text to say they had a great time and then never heard from again and ignore any attempts at further contact- what is that all about??

Posted by: loulou0711 at February 25, 2010 7:56 PM

Hi again Madammim,
I agree strongly with you.
Why can't someone just be 'up-front' and honest?
But then if they are honest, it might mean that that person might just miss out on satisfying themselves!
There are a lot of people who are unable to empathise; who don't care if they hurt someone else as long as they get what they want.
There are lots of people out there who consider it is "all about me".

I also think that internet dating makes some people more restless.
Because there are so many people on-line, I am sure that some people believe there is always someone "better" around the corner!
Years ago maybe we ended up with someone because there wasn't a lot of choice among our friends and workmates.
Now we can meet anyone from anywhere.

While many of us are just looking for the one person who 'gets us' as we do them, there are others who find it much easier if they hit a rough patch in a relationship, to just start a new one than work on themselves as a person.

The perceived "choice" that internet dating provides means that people perhaps don't give a relationship a go, like they may have a few years ago.
Why should they when they can always find their dream partner just by logging on?

I think the reality is that there really isn't as much choice as people would like to believe.
Some people find its too easy to pretend to be what they are not, just to reel that new fish in.

I often wonder how many people 'ditch' perfectly nice people and relationships because they happen to see a new 'hottie' on-line?
I imagine internet dating is very rewarding for the sex addicts among us!

Posted by: amberlightrose at February 2, 2010 10:40 AM

The lack of honesty with internet dating is the hardest part.

I like being honest. I know that until I meet the right man I am going to do a lot of meeting nice men and maybe have sex with a few of them.
If you meet a person and they are great, in and out of bed, what makes you keep seeing other people? Commitment phobia is a major reason.
Out of respect, please be honest with anyone you meet if you are only into casual sex friendships. It is selfish not to let them know that you are not monogomous with them and allow them to choose whether they want to date you and others or leave you to your way of life.

Respect and honesty is not a lot to ask.

Posted by: madammim at January 30, 2010 8:24 PM

Are you ready for a relationship where you commit to one person only? are you ready for anything the other person would bring into the relationship? Are you ready for high way or low way? You could have try at least after all you said you both getting along fine...you might find it ok or might not but you wouldn't know until you try. Good luck for what ever you choose !!!

Posted by: fleur1 at January 26, 2010 3:17 PM

Hey Panda ( eatsrootsandleaves)

I can see your point.

I'm cool tho, doesn't bother me..!

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at January 12, 2010 4:49 PM

What I don't get is how the husband - who she didnt tell - and who obviously needed to hire an expert to find out - was "humiliated", yet in Grosrene's example, the "secrecy" justified the affair.

Posted by: willow29 at January 12, 2010 11:36 AM

Eral- I think you mean "some" of the female bloggers, no? And I think they are seeking to justify her actions as you did with the original male protagonist. If he was able to justify it, why shouldn't she?

Posted by: willow29 at January 12, 2010 11:31 AM

Really Eral?
Please tell me exactly what sentences indicate that I have double standards?

Your scenario was not as detailed as Rene's.
Certainly there was no indication in your scenario that the wife was deluding herself by insisting that her lying was all about "protecting" her partner. Or any reasoning that it is okay to lie, because apparently everyone else does it!
It seems pretty obvious that she didn't 'mention' her affair simply to protect herself.

Certainly your unfaithful wife didn't seem to think that once found out; coercing her partner to "swing" would be the solution to her marital disharmony!

Also in your scenario the wife didn't seem to see the affair as a long-term solution to her problems. In fact she was obviously thinking that her "dashing and creative young stud (with a romantic italian name ;~)" would never be able to offer her more than a short-term fling.
While I am sure her financially stable life would have influenced her, the disruption of her children's lives should she just decide to 'run away' to Italy with him would have been more of an issue to a loving mother.
It also seems that she couldn't really accept as true that a 'hot' sexy man would ever think that she was really beautiful or sexy. Or that she could ever mean much to him. Her low self-esteem meant that she could never believe that he would value her for longer than a few months/weeks.

In Rene's scenario it seemed that a really low self-esteem wasn't at the base of his infidelity. More of a: "Huh! What's wrong with her? Other women think I am desirable!"
He was a bit miffed that his 'mistress' was about to spoil his satisfactory solution to his marital situation. By Rene's description, it seemed he was more worried about 'losing control' of things, than worrying about hurting either woman.
Why else would he think that his 'other woman' would simply be content to just wait around until he got tired of her!
Whereas in your scenario, I think the wife felt that the situation was always a bit out of her control. There was never any real belief that her lover would want to stay around for very long.

In both scenarios, I have stated that I didn't think that infidelity was the way to deal with their marital problems. In both scenarios, I have said that I certainly didn't think that either spouse "deserved" to lose their children simply because they were unfaithful.

While maybe because we are women, we are better able to understand the women's feelings, I think that in most of the comments I read, more women were upset about Rene's 'hypothetical' husband smugness about his lying, than his actual infidelity!

So I look forward to the evidence that proves your sweeping statement that all the female bloggers have "double standards"!

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 12, 2010 10:52 AM

Am i the only one who is surprised at the double standards expressed by the female bloggers upon the male vs female protagonist - when both have done the same thing, and for the same reasons !

Actually im not surprised - im astounded !
Thanks for the reminder.

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at January 12, 2010 12:32 AM

Maybe she stopped being vibrant because she was living with a big fat old bore who wasn't the man she married. Who knows, it happens and will continue to happen. Happen = either let it happen, or wanted it to happen, or willed it to happen. I don't necessarily believe things just happen like that. There is a lot of difference with rational people between thinking about something and actually doing it.

Of course, if you happen to be a psychopath, the only difference is that we think about doing things and they act on it. We are absolutely fed up with someone, totally and utterly you know what and for a split millisecond we think, 'I wish they would just drop dead', only difference is a psychopath will act on it.

Most people really don't want another person to drop dead but in that millisecond when you feel backed into a corner......well ...

Posted by: iaminperth at January 11, 2010 9:11 PM

I agree Perth - being a parent to the child is more important than the differences you have as a spouse. No matter what your feelings are, its how you express it in front of the child that shapes their own perceptions and their ability to handle problems in the future. Any animosity will only fuel the kids with feelings of betrayal and guilt when they visit the other parent. The best scenario be allowed to have the love of both parents and be able to return it.

(Disclaimer: This is of course the ideal situation in a break up and Im not too naive to realise there are situations where one, or even both, of the parents is clearly unfit to have/see the children)

Posted by: willow29 at January 11, 2010 7:47 PM

Totally Amber, Excellent and hit the nail on the head with that post. Like it or not for a lot of parents, the kids like both of you and want to spend time with both of you.

Sometimes younger ones will express differently to try to 'please' one of the parents, but that is also a sad situation.

A child is just that a child and should have two parents I believe. Whether they live in the same house and whether they live in different houses, they still have a mum and a dad.

What they do in one house may be different to what they do in the other but that's just the way it goes. Keep your own home safe, secure and loving and that's about all you can do. Create an environment where the kids want to come back to = a home.

Bickering and arguing plays no part in a childs development they hate it and makes them feel uncomfortable. That's adult stuff to be sorted out behind closed doors in private.

And if one or the other gets a new partner, normalise it, it is normal after all. There are no time limits and rules, it's not something bad, it's called moving on and none of either persons business. So long as the child is looked after that's great.

Sometimes the guys new partners can actually cook as well so how good is that when you know your child is not going to be stuffed with maccas and pizza all weekend.

Posted by: iaminperth at January 11, 2010 11:49 AM

Eral,
You are asking where did she go wrong?

Well like many of us, maybe she allowed herself to become "lost" in the day-to-day stuff of being a mother and wife. Perhaps she stopped being the vibrant person her husband fell in love with?

But then we don't know what he was really looking for.
Some men simply want the respectability and certainty of marriage to someone who will always "do the right thing" by him.
Maybe, he didn't really want intimacy, love or friendship in his marriage, he just wanted someone who could 'hold up' the package he wanted to present to the rest of the world.
In this scenario, there is nothing she could have done except left her lonely marriage, years ago.

She really let herself down by believing that having an affair could actually improve her self-esteem and that (?) maybe it might make her husband "wake up" and take notice.

His obvious need for revenge and to hurt her by trying to remove from her life, those she loved most in her world (thank goodness largely unsuccessful under Australian Family Law) seems to indicate her surgeon husband had no real respect or love for his wife, despite all the years he had devoted to him and his life-style.
His response was about 'getting back' at her, not just about initial anger and hurt. (It would take months to get such an action going) so I'm not sure that forgiveness and reconciliation would EVER be possible with such a person.

Maybe in years to come, she will realise her major mistake was not respecting herself enough to actually take control of her own life.
It seems she was all about pleasing others. (why else would she even bother to try to rekindle her husband's interest?).

Taking a lover was all about forgetting about how lonely she was.
No doubt deep down she knew it wouldn't take too long before her "dashing and creative young stud ( with a romantic italian name ;~)" found someone else whose photo he liked even better!
It was most probably her seemingly 'unattainable' status yet vulnerability that attracted him in the first place.
Once she was his, her life would probably have repeated itself, except instead of work and status like her husband, his obsession would be chasing unattainable women!

So I see her biggest mistake was not respecting herself enough to say "I am lonely, I am unhappy, what can I do to change things"
Maybe she could have taken up an interest she was always passionate about?
If she had cared about herself, she perhaps should have asked her husband to be more of a part of their marriage.
She could have asked him to attend counselling with her.
(I imagine it may not have helped; but at least she could have clarified things in her own mind)

Certainly having an affair wasn't the answer anyway!

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 6, 2010 7:54 PM

True Perth,
Anyone who has had anything to do with the Family Court in the last half-dozen or so years will know that when it comes to Child Residency issues, the Family Court wants to keep lawyers out of it.

These days one has to go through a Family Relationship Centre and mediation must be attempted before anyone gets anywhere near the Family Court. Only the most intractable cases even get to Court these days.
The mediator can also direct parents to attend whole weekend workshops about how separation affects children, before mediation continues, if they feel parents aren't getting the message.

It is certainly no longer even remotely acceptable that children are used as weapons to 'punish' a wayward partner. No one is interested in why a relationship fell apart unless Domestic Violence is involved and this puts the children in danger.

Parents are expected to put their grievances aside and behave like well, (surpise, surprise) adults!
The only concern of the Family Court is what is best for the child.
Any parent who starts going on about their "parental rights" soon gets put back in their place!

So your vengeful surgeon husband is likely to find he has made matters worse for himself, not better.
Unless he can show evidence his wife is an unfit mother, she is unlikely to lose substantial contact with her children.

If the father works long hours and has spent little time with his children in the past, the question is likely to be, why would he be wanting the children full-time anyway?
At best, in such a situation the most the father would be likely to get is 50/50 shared parenting.

Eral,
I don't think anyone would really think that either parent should lose contact with their children just because they were unfaithful to their partner.
My comments about Rene's hypothetical husband were totally "tongue-in-cheek".

The Family Court system couldn't care less about what type of partner you were, they are really only concerned about what type of parent you are!

A person who works long hours and then has also spent large amounts of time with a new lover, isn't really showing that their chidren are a high priority in their lives are they?

If it is felt necessary, the FRC mediators will recommend a Child Consultation if parents' stories don't seem to add up, there sems to be a lot of family conflict and/or children seem unhappy and to be not coping with the parenting arrangment.

So no I wouldn't be saying "serves her right" (nor would I say that about, Rene's hypothetical husband either)

Children, in most cases (unless one parent is likely to emotionally, physcially or sexually abuse the child) need and love both parents.
It's certainly not the children's fault in either scenario that their parents couldn't say "no" to cheating on the other parent, so why should they be punished?

Posted by: amberlightrose at January 6, 2010 5:28 PM

Why do you assume she went wrong. She wandered off, had a bonk and now she is having to face some consequences. She is an adult, if she stuffed up, she needs to sort it out.

It's just a bit of ego gone a bit nuts as it does in most people now and then, it's not wrong, it's not right, it just is. She needs to get over and sort it all out now and get on with her life.

Posted by: iaminperth at January 6, 2010 4:59 PM

She should have got a better lawyer!!

Posted by: willow29 at January 5, 2010 11:43 PM

Thats a very pragmatic answer to my second question ( where did she go wrong ? ) isn't it; however, finding a lawyer better connected than her husband's (an elite member of society) isn't really that likely ...

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at January 6, 2010 12:56 PM

Posted by: iaminperth at January 5, 2010 4:46 PM

Good comments there Perth !

However, truer to life; the divorce and all its drama becomes a great burden upon her, and the lover, now disillusioned meets another 'lady' and moves on.... leaving our main character to ponder her next move alone.

Where did she go wrong ?

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at January 6, 2010 12:09 PM

Yup! She should have got a better lawyer!!

Posted by: willow29 at January 5, 2010 11:43 PM

"This dashing and creative young stud ( with a romantic italian name ;~)"

Pfft.., can't be too much of a stud chasing married woman around...

but to answer your question, yes serves her right.

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at January 5, 2010 9:17 PM

Divorces are no contest nowadays so if one is unfaithful it really makes no difference really. Property is divided according to input and the children over nine years old can chose to live where they wish.

Ideal scenario for lady, go and live with the lover in Italy, leave the husband with the kids and all get on with their lives. After all Isabella Rossellinis mum did just that and she seems pretty smart.

Private detectives don't cut it with marital court proceedings in Aust. That was cut out years ago so it's all good.

Posted by: iaminperth at January 5, 2010 4:46 PM

So lets turn this scenarios around, and see if the shoes still fits.

A younger and very attractive woman marries a well renowned surgeon, and they have two lovely children. After a decade or so of her playing dutiful mother( whom she loves dearly), hostess and 'doctors wife' to a tee(?); she finds herself in the all too common, but not quite so modern quandary of domestic and matrimonial boredom. (eg. Madame Bovary)

Everything that had once seems so magical with her husband, had slowly melted away, and nothing she could do made it any better. Desperate to spice things up, she decided to commission a glamor photo session to remind herself, and her flagging husband, what a sexy thing she still was !

This dashing and creative young stud ( with a romantic italian name ;~) ) sweeps her of her feet with her first picture... and a hot and erotic love affair ensues.

After a short while, her ardent lover asks her if she would entertain leaving her husband, to come live with him in Italy.

She quickly rejects the notion, telling him " look -- i'm married, to a surgeon, with two children; my life is fixed ", telling him he will have to content himself with confining their passions to local hotels, and forget about Capistrano..

Alas, soon after, a well informed private detective, and just as well connected lawyer, persuade the presiding family court judge that her two children should be given to her humiliated husband - forever.

Do we still hear a chorus of "serves her right!" ?

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at January 5, 2010 3:49 PM

That is so cruel Perth.
It makes you wonder how anyone who is capable of inflicting such cruelty on helpless animals can possibly consider themselves decent human beings.

When I got my little dog from the animal shelter at Moorook a couple of years ago, a lady called in with a box of 2 kittens. She had noticed someone dropping something on the side of the road and went back to see what it was.
There had been 3 of them, but by the time she got back one of the kittens had been killed by a passing car.
It was a stinking hot day and the kittens were very young (their eyes were just changing colour) they had no water but whoever dumped them had put 3 sachets of cat food in the box with them!
I mean what were they thinking?
In their weird way were they actually thinking they were giving those poor little confused, hot and scared animals a chance?
Luckily for the kittens this lady had gone back to investigate, but most people probably wouldn't have.

There are some really ignorant and stupid people in this world!

Glad to hear your little bundles of fluff are doing well!
Compulsory desexing of all cats (and dogs) is the way to go I think, then all these unfortunate little unwanted kittens (and puppies) wouldn't be born in the first place!

Posted by: amberlightrose at December 30, 2009 10:38 AM

Awww, I always knew I was right. I love puppies and cows. What a simple soul I am at the core of it all.

I went in and out the house today, 40 deg. here in towntown Perth, cleaning out the garage and doing gardening. Hot, hot, hot I can tell you and with me just about the whole time I had eight little kittens 'helping'. Four of them arrived at the local animal shelter the other day locked in an Esky. No air and stinking hot and the other four were left in a cardboard box.

So, they will stay here for about four weeks until they are ready to find new homes. I feel nothing but contempt for the people who breed these little beings. Like cats or not, they are little animals with beating hearts and feelings and what gives a person who is supposed to be of higher intellect, the right to just dump them, more often than not to suffer and die.

So now, we have our two cats and my big puppy the gsd in the house at night and the eight little visitors in a big box with lots of toys and cushions in the garage. They have full fat tummies, can all snug together and sleep till the morning. Then it's all together for another adventure. My poor dog has been bashed, spat at, jumped on and literally turned upside down. She takes it all in her stride though and we both rescue her at times. I have always hated cruelty to animals and I think it speaks volumes of a persons character.

Posted by: iaminperth at December 29, 2009 12:21 AM

Hi FG,
Glad to hear you're getting some much needed rain! Is it true, most of NSW is still in drought?

Hope everyone had a good Christmas (at least a lot better than the family of Charlie Sheen. Talk about dysfunctional relationships!)

I agree FG. It seems that the "wild child" maybe didn't have too many hang ups; some people are by nature extroverted and exhibitonist, with few inhibitions.
Look at most of our current day "celebrities".
And looking at YouTube some people would do anything to get their five seconds of fame!

If people are comfortable that way it is fine. It is when someone starts trying to coerce another person to betray their values just to satisfy their own selfish whims that they are over-stepping the mark.
I think you are right, Rene's hypothetical husband would be much better if he just accepted his wife for who she is.
If he can't live with that, then he is better being honest with her and leaving her.
It might hurt her badly to do so, but it is much kinder and more caring in the long-term.
To hang onto her just to keep his life-style while not loving her for who she is; is being very selfish and not at all kind, loving OR respectful.

To expect her to betray herself to keep him happy is asking too much.
Especially when it seems his hypothetical husband cares so little about her, he can lie to her and think that is justified because maybe Robert Dessaix thinks lying is somehat clever!

As in:
"Lying is evidence of an ability to enter the minds of others, which is why humans and apes can dissemble, but dogs and cows can't. In fact, to tell the truth all the time shows a deplorable lack of humanity, and of imagination and respect for the feelings of others".

Is this the same Robert Dessaix who also said in 2001?

"You're trusting the other person with your vulnerability, that's the conclusion I've come to. That to me is at the core of intimacy, and it's the most exciting thing, and of course in a really non-sexual sense, although there can be a sexual dimension to it, that is the most erotic thing, that is the thing that sets up a charge, that you are saying 'Here I am with all my vulnerabilities, I want you to feel free to penetrate them and I want you to offer me yours.' These may not be negative things or wicked things, they can simply be tender things, but it's that offering of vulnerability of your wounds that I think is at the core of an intimate relationship."

He was actually discussing his RADIO AUDIENCE!
Somehow I doubt a man with such an attitude towards his radio listeners would be happy with Rene using his words out of context to justify someone lying to his wife, surely a much more intimate, tender and vulnerable relationship than a mere radio audience?

I find it interesting how often men seem to accuse women of wanting to change them, when I hear of so many older women nowadays who are so insecure in their relationships that they are having botox injections, plastic surgery, etc. just to try to hang on to their husbands!
Talk to any beautician these days and they will tell you they see far more older women than those younger. And the reason is usually "because my husband wants me to"

Maybe there are more than we would think; hypothetical husbands like Rene's wanting to coerce their partners to be something they are not just to keep them happy?

Posted by: amberlightrose at December 27, 2009 5:12 PM

i actually know a young girl that went from innocent, to wild child talked into by her boy friend. she's into swinging stripping and pole dancing. Now it's her way of life. Both her and boyfriend are cool with it tho so thats fine i guess. Sounds to me Rene's wife needs to go her separate ways and he needs to look for an appropriate partner.
Life goes on.

Been raining for two days here Perthy.. haven't seen that for 5 years. Very nice drop and well needed.

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at December 27, 2009 1:48 PM

I actually know his wife very well as her daughter went to the same school as mine. I remember her son had a pretty bad time at a boys school with the boys winding him up but the girls didn't seem to care or just didn't get it.

I think the two guys just worked so hard at being great parents to both kids and amazing support for the ex and both of them being stunning looking didn't hurt either.

I remember we all used to joke about why all the great looking guys were either married or gay.

I have gotten to know they all well thru the daughter who is now the same age as mine so it's about 14 years ago this all happened.

Posted by: iaminperth at December 27, 2009 11:48 AM

Hi Perth,
It seems your gay friend despite his decision to leave his wife, still really cared about her, was respectful of her and their children and was capable of great compassion, unlike GrosRene's hypothetical husband who doesn't seem capable of viewing anything from anyone's perspective other than his own.

Don't worry I am not taking this too seriously at all, in fact I mischeviously admit to be attempting to wind GrosRene up a bit.

I think my last paragraph attests to that!

Posted by: amberlightrose at December 24, 2009 3:39 PM

One of my friends husbands left her for a man and I don't think it made any difference to her feelings of loss and betrayal. The two guys are still together though nearly 12 years later and have been wonderful, absolutely wonderful to help her thru it and the kids both now love them.

The effort these two people went to to try to minimise pain was extraordinary at times and they all have great home lives.

The ex's partner is one of the nicest people I have ever met and I think it just goes to show it's not what you do when it's all happening, it's what you do afterwards.

Don't get too involved in this Amber, just my opinion, as he's winding you up mostly. You are looking forward to a wonderful christmas with your kids and whoever else and you don't need to be thinking about sneaky stuff at this time.

Posted by: iaminperth at December 24, 2009 1:12 PM

Interesting ideas GrosRene,

Yes as a woman (if I were your hypothetical wife) I would prefer to know about it.
And yes I would prefer that my hypothetical husband tells me about it, respectfully and with remorse.

However, if he only tells me because his G/F (or B/F) is threatening to tell me first, then I would lose all respect for him.
He is operating merely from the self-protection angle; e.g. he isn't sorry he betrayed me, he is just sorry he has lost control of the situation

Would it make it easier if my hypothetical husband was having an affair with a man?
Well maybe it wouldn't be so crushing to my ego, e.g. as in well maybe it wasn't me after all.
However, whether it was a man or woman, besides the emotional betrayal I would feel as in the fact that he just made his own choice about our relationship without even bothering to suggest relationship or other counselling, I would be furious that he is putting my health at risk by having sex with someone else.
And he "loves" me enough to think that is okay!

So you are suggesting a man having an affair has a "dirty secret"?
To be honest to me, Grosrene, the only thing "dirty" about it, is that this man is so self-absorbed and concerned only with his own ego, that he actually thinks that the decision he made should have no impact on the two women in his life!

He seems to have quite a superiority complex and is so patronising towards his wife that he has actually convinced himself it is "better for her" if he chooses to have an affair and lie to her, rather than be honest about his feelings and work on their relationship.
Would he think it was okay if their postions were reversed? And it was his wife who was having the "affair"? Emotional and/or sexual?

The thing is that often people have completely different 'rules' for themselves than they have for others.
Whereas I operate from the position that I wouldn't/couldn't do to someone else what I wouldn't like to have done to me.

And as for the woman he has been having an "affair" with, what about her feelings?
Sure it started out as "just sex" but now her emotions are involved. She has made the fatal mistake of falling in love with this shallow self-absorbed human being.

As far as telling his wife and then suggesting she become involved in swinging?
Wow, how inspiring! How respectful and considerate he is!
He has just destroyed her fantasy about their marriage being a loving (if somewhat flawed) partnership and now he also expects her to "swing" to save their marriage?
I suppose a man with such a huge ego would never think that his self-obsession may have been what cooled her passion towards him in the first place?

And as far as spending months or years years talking her around and "convincing" her if she is against the idea?
Any person who expects another person to compromise their values to meet the needs of their ego is beyond just being a tad selfish!

The most respectful thing this man could do would be (it seems for once in his life!) to respect and love his wife enough to be honest with her.
Let her see the REAL man she is married to and then let her decide - with no obligation and no pressure.
If she decides the relationship isn't worth it, then let her go.
Maybe she can find someone who does honour her and respect her and he can find someone who is more to his taste!

My best case scenario Grosrene for this hypothetical couple?
That his 'mistress' tell his wife, the wife is of course devastated (although she knew suspected something - most cheated on spouses do, you know) the mistress comforts the wife.
Then suddenly they both realise they are actually bi-sexual but into committed monogamous relationships,
THEY get together and Mr. Huge Ego is left to live his meant-to-be life of swinging and never having to commit totally to anyone person!
(Sorry about the huge divorce settlement and that huge monthly Child Support bill - but hey wasn't it worth it?)

Everyone is happy! Or are they?

Posted by: amberlightrose at December 24, 2009 10:16 AM

Very much off-blog topic,but I would like to wish all the bloggers (old and new) a Happy and safe Christmas..... I hope that you don't get too harassed by the great god "commercialism" but take some time to reflect on the real meaning of Christmas.

Happy Christmas from Kurli

Posted by: kurli at December 24, 2009 9:54 AM

As for the changing opinion of normal human sexuality, especially over the past few decades; i think we'll all agree that things have become a whole lot more open-minded; and also thankfully, more able to be more openly discussed.

To think of the number of gay men and women, that were involved in hetro marriages just to keep their public and corporate profiles in sympathy to the moral expectations of the 'norms'.

I wonder - is it worse for the woman/wife, to find out that her husband is sleeping with another woman/lover, or if is it more confronting when/if she finds out that hes bi or gay ??

What if the casual affair had been with another man ?

So you ladies would rather it all came out? Let everyone know your dirty secrets?
So you think the guy should tell his wife ?

Or better still, he should try to get her involved? Sure sure, a whole new lifestyle for them no ? FUN!
Meeting new ppl at couples parties...swinging and open relationships etc...

NO? shes not into it?? She wants to be a good mother and doesn't feel that way anymore? Well well...then i guess he'll just have to talk her around, day after day , weeks and months and then years, but after lots of brainwashing and dubious experiences later... is she happier than if he'd just been discrete about it?

As for the BS and mindfunks our governements, schools and churches, and corporate bureaucracies brainwash us with on a regular basis; (all of which are always explained as being for our good ! eg War in Iraq/Afganistan...) what right do any of us have to blame 'parents' in general for the state of humanity??

Posted by: grosrene at December 22, 2009 9:00 PM

I agree Amber. It is very unreasonable to think that you can control a situation to that extent. We will keep our affair quiet to protect the innocent. Oh come on, how many affairs remain a secret and to assume another person needs protection from a person they probably won't respect anyway. Again, I think it is the violation of trust and the neglecting of values. I suppose today more than any other time also putting the other person in danger of disease.

I guess it's just sneaky and nasty and always causes a lot of problems and adding another lie to the original is not going to fix the problem.

Posted by: iaminperth at December 22, 2009 6:39 PM

The doctor didn't tell the patient he was dying ?? You're kidding. How would the poor guy get his affairs in order or wouldn't he wonder why he wasn't feeling better in time.

You just can't understand where there thinking is coming from and what a horrible shock when it all started happening especially with such a terrible disease.

Posted by: iaminperth at December 22, 2009 6:12 PM

Well said Kurli.

Rereading some of the comments, it would appear that the ladies are more affronted by perceived 'lies' of the man keeping his infidelity a secret from family and friends, than they are by the actual "sexual relations".

For those of you; i offer this opinion from Robert Dessaix.

" The liar has many faces. We misrepresent the facts for the sheer fun of it, to be kind, to be cruel, to boost our self-esteem, to manipulate, to dominate, to enrich ourselves, to avoid punishment and even for artistic reasons. To hoodwink, it seems, is quintessentially human, although it was admittedly a serpent who told the first whopper in the Garden of Eden, not a human being. Lying is evidence of an ability to enter the minds of others, which is why humans and apes can dissemble, but dogs and cows can't. In fact, to tell the truth all the time shows a deplorable lack of humanity, and of imagination and respect for the feelings of others.

Kant, it's true, claimed to believe that we have an absolute duty not to lie, even if telling the truth should lead to the death of an innocent man, while Montaigne, in a fit of high-mindedness, said that we should pursue lying with fire, such was the horror of it. As a rule, however, it's only very small children who are never untruthful. According to the experts, if your children haven't started lying artfully about once every two hours by the age of four, you're in trouble. It almost certainly means that, like some postmodern theorists, they're failing to distinguish between what is fact and what is fiction. A liar at least recognises the difference. Only dullards, if we are to believe a McGill University survey, fail to start lying creatively and frequently by the age of four. Who wants a four-yearold postmodernist on the loose around the house? "

Seems to me, that we have a few of those here at times...

bah !! humbug!

Posted by: grosrene at December 22, 2009 2:46 PM

Hi everyone,
An interesting hypothetical, Grosrene.
Just curious is it really "hypothetical"?

I have an issue with people who say they are keeping their infidelity secret from their partner to "protect" them.
I see that as more an effort to "protect" themselves (and their pleasant little life-style) not their partner.

I remember when I was growing up, my grandfather was diagnosed with Bowel Cancer (a certain death sentence over 35 years ago).
His children together with the doctors, opted not to tell him to "make it easier" for him. Even though I was just in my early teens, that seemed to me to be very, very cruel .
They were denying him the right to decide what he wanted to do with the remainder of HIS life. How could he make things "right" in the way he may have wanted to, when he didn't even know he was dying?
Thank goodness, that would never happen nowadays.

When someone "decides" for you what you should know or shouldn't know, to me, that is completely wrong.
That is rude, thoughtless and disrespectful.
If he can't even respect his wife, why would he want to remain with her?
She is not a child. He cannot assume he 'knows' what is going on her head!

The wife may want to make her own decisions about what she wants to do about the relationship.
However, by taking the path of infidelity and not giving his wife the opportunity to know for real that he is unhappy, he is denying her the chance to be able to work on the relationship.

He is not giving either his wife or children the respect they deserve. He is not giving his relationship a chance.

By also assuming once again, that his lover was going to always want to keep their relationship a secret, he is also totally unrealistic.
Sure if it is discussed, maybe he has a point, but the thing is that people change their minds. People's life circumstances change.
That is simply life. That is the risk we take. We can never control what another person is thinking or feeling.

In your hypothetical, the man is 'assuming' one hell of a lot about the people in his life! He is patronisingly thinking he can be 'in control' of everyone and everything.

I kind of think he deserves to have the rug pulled out from under him!

Posted by: amberlightrose at December 22, 2009 12:57 PM

46 years, wow Kurli. My parents were married over 60 years and that generation never seemed to 'give up'. I think there was far more respect given also of those generations, although I don't know. The state of relationships at the moment albeit marriage doesn't seem to be going too well though.

I wonder if it is people seeking an illusion, a picture book copy of reality or what....or maybe it is just a symptom of a throwaway society.

I have one daughter who was desperate to get married, always had a boyfriend. Second daughter has huge social life and totally focussed on getting her degree and marriage is totally for other people. She cannot see the reason for it at all.

Must say though if I had my time over, which of course you don';t, I wouldn't bother. More education and a couple of kids or more would work very nicely for me. I think the whole marriage thing is too much hard work and so tedious at times. Lots of friends and family is good and then you can shut the door and send them all home when you have had enough. lol

Posted by: iaminperth at December 22, 2009 12:47 PM

Perthie and others,please do not presume to explain my comments!
I married at 22 y.o....I had "shopped around" prior to meeting my DH and had my heart dented a few times.
We were married for 46 years..not all rosy.!No marriage ever is.... we lost a child,survived bushfires and an earthquake and even an over possessive secretary!
The only time I was really tempted to leave was due to homesickness(smiles at memory)
We were both friends & lovers,and had commitmment (that word again)and COMMUNICATION......I was "emotion" & he was "reason"

Perhaps these days it is too easy to ESCAPE when rose coloured glasses fade or passion cools.
The trouble with western marriages is that we marry when the kettle is on the "boil",when with other cultures that happens later.
Anyway..those are my views and how I lived my life.......good luck to you all......cynicism will get you NOWHERE

Posted by: kurli at December 20, 2009 8:52 AM

I agree Isi and I think sometimes support is sometimes really control in disguise. Everyone reacts differently to different situations and some people need a lot of support and others don't.

Honest and open communication is definitely the key but how many people can you have that with without offending or upsetting them. Then you get the ones with the pop psychology trying to analyse you, which is so boring and tedious to be laughable. And they want to go around and around in their washing machine type of world never venturing out.

I'm single, have had a few flings for want of a better word, but must admit to being happier making my own decisions and not having to worry about someone else getting a poopy face over some imagined injustice. I had a guy say to me a while ago 'that he's learned to be a good boy now' and then he sort of put on this dopey face and thought it was funny. And I thought fancy waking in the morning and seeing that silly face next to you, ewwww cringeworthy, rather the garden and the puppies any day and freedom not to have to talk and mix with drips.

Posted by: iaminperth at December 19, 2009 6:30 PM

Iaminperth

You bring up a very pertinent point in saying;"
How about people working on their relationship themselves. Chopping and changing partners all the time obviously doesn't fix the problem as statistics confirm so why not face up that there is a problem and let's work it thru"

You touch on an area that is pretty close to my heart and my 'general' approach to life.

Relationships push buttons. Partners challenge you the most. Often 'the partner' is perceived..or blamed as 'the problem'...when in fact it 'may' be an area that you need to address or work on...or even need to be aware it exists.

I think this approach would help a lot of people stay together...but more importantly (imo) it helps them to start to be 'aware of' themself.

Aristotle once said; "Wherevever I go there I am"
I like that. Speaks volumes about ourselves. You cannot hide from yourself.

On the other side of that though is the fact that you may very well have a supportive partner...but...you are not attracted to them anymore....

No amount of support or awareness of self is perhaps going to keep people together in that instance.

Its interesting sometimes how we perceive 'support'...

It gets complicated.

Take the example of a woman who supports her man 100%. Shes there for him. She builds a life with him.....but.....he still leaves...

She is devastated. "What did I do wrong?"
Maybe nothing. Maybe what she thought was 'support' wasn't the support that 'he needed'.

Gets back to communication. Staying connected. Not going through the motions.

Sometimes all of those things still don't work.

Tough gig sometimes this relationship stuff ...no wonder i'm still single ;)

Posted by: isidore at December 19, 2009 3:35 PM

I don't think there is anything wrong with marriage, but even with the best and most sincere intentions it's unrealistic to think that it will/should last for ever. I was married for over 25yrs myself...the last ten were not really good.

Anyway, I think I have said before, I don't believe we were meant to have the same partner forever. We need someone to match the stages of life we are in and as we are all different and change at different rates, it would be a rare thing for couples to change together all the way through I would think.

My son broke up after a 7 yr relationship at the beginning of the year. He says he is not interested in being in a relationship again...too much trouble, at 28 he thinks he has missed the boat.....I told him not to be so jaded, you just never know.

Posted by: aquamanda56 at December 19, 2009 1:47 PM

Moderation: I guess the site wouldn't have it's own designated moderators, therefore, wouldn't be at the top of the list all the time.

A group of people from here have started their own unmoderated site but most have left I believe. Some who blog here also blog over there but duck out when the language and personal insults get too much.

I suppose it is slow at times but I for one think it is necessary unfortunately and after all it is up to the people who blog to keep to the rules. Unfortunately this didn't happen in the past and a small group spoiled it for everyone.

Posted by: iaminperth at December 19, 2009 1:21 PM

I think what Kurli was saying is 'you are either married or you are not'. I don't think she has said that she believes it is a romantic lifelong commitment.

She is also saying instead of being deceitful and sneaking around, cut the chord prior if it is not working.

Of course, that takes on a whole new area 'it's not working' send in the working fairies to fix it. How about people working on their relationship themselves. Chopping and changing partners all the time obviously doesn't fix the problem as statistics confirm so why not face up that there is a problem and let's work it thru.

Posted by: iaminperth at December 19, 2009 1:18 PM

I don't think earning capacity causes problems, it's contributing to a relationship that causes the problems.

As I have spoken about previously, I have a female friend who earns far more than her partner, always has but he does absolutely everything at home to make life easy and pleasant for her. He is not a woozy guy at all, he's just down to earth and really nice and a terrific manager.

She, on the other hand is pragmatic and down to earth and really enjoys her job. She always says openly she has the best of both worlds and that his job is far more difficult than hers. They just enjoy life together and don't judge and never take on board what other people say. They travel each year to wonderful places and generally just enjoy each others company and have fun. Nice people.

I know another couple quite well also who are just about to get married. They figured after raising three kids and being together for 18 years it must be 'the real thing' so they have decided to tie the knot.

Posted by: iaminperth at December 19, 2009 12:59 PM

Hi Folks

Moderation, albeit necessary sometimes when people do not stick to the issue and instead get personal, is impeding this blog and any others here.

RSVP if you need to moderate please ensure it is directed towards personal abuse...not at challenging points of view...

Kurli in an ideal world we would all meet our soul mate and live happily ever after...

As i''m sure you know, we don't.

We are faced with so many challenges and so many changes.

Vows/committments were done at/in a single point in time. Change is inevitable.

How many people 'out there' truly live in a vibrant long term relationship where both partners are growing individually and together?
I'm not sure. I hope its more than I think.

The vows taken are only the tip of the iceberg re 'expectations' unsaid..and even unaware to both parties....and thats just for starters for those who are approaching it with the right intentions...whatever 'right' is...

I might just make the point that a lot of kids are not messed up with families that send conflicting signals.
Perhaps it is helping them to 'adapt' to an ever changing world...one hopefully...that one day may start dealing with the fundamental black and white paradigms and structures our generation and the ones before us faced.

This blog is so good because there are so many valid points of view here....

I hope it can evolve further without 'unnecessary' moderation.

Posted by: isidore at December 19, 2009 12:58 PM

What's TGIS? And you are looking for an 18 year old and you are 42, hmmm, hope it's a new Caprice!

Posted by: iaminperth at December 19, 2009 12:50 PM

Posted by: kurli at December 19, 2009 8:07 AM
Kurli - are you saying you think a romantic promise made in a young couples youth - often with their first love - is a biding agreement for life?
Those that break it, are to be shamed ?

I know of so many couples/women who stayed together when they were well way past even liking each other, because of the stigma of being labeled divorcees.
Thank goodness to the womens lib movement for putting an end to that .

Old fashioned sentiments like 'fighting for your country' and a 'job for life', deserved to be replaced with 'live in the moment'.

Kind regards Kurli.
Rene

Posted by: grosrene at December 19, 2009 11:33 AM

Hey Rene

' Caprice ' haha i had a datsun 200b ...... wagon too!

fully sick bro!

FG:)

Posted by: feelgood76 at December 19, 2009 11:06 AM

Sorry guys and gals,but what happened to "Marriage Vows"?

Either the individual LEAVES the marital home before starting a relationship(casual or otherwise) or just doesnt play around.
Talk about having your cake & eating it too!
.
I thought that marriage was a serious committment.........silly me.
No wonder there are so many messed up kids around when their parents are sending conflicting signals re appropriate behaviour.

As for the time lapse in Moderation it's pretty woeful compared with last year's set up.

Posted by: kurli at December 19, 2009 8:07 AM

Posted by: iaminperth at December 17, 2009 10:27 PM

Why stop there Perthy ? - add to that the GFC, global warming, overpopulation, terrorism ...

And to think - it all started so innocently, in the backseat of a 'Caprice' !

(TGIS...just)

Rene

Posted by: grosrene at December 19, 2009 12:04 AM

Well done Margarida, thank you!

Posted by: willow29 at December 18, 2009 10:12 PM

I have to say I'm disappointed with the slow moderation and turn over of this topic, which is stunting what would otherwise be a very lively topic.

Posted by: willow29 at December 18, 2009 9:27 PM

Hi Folks

Willow good points re the female side.
Many modern women don't just contribute...they earn much more than the male. So point taken there.
My last 2 partners earned more than me. Good on 'em too. Never bothered me.
I kinda liked it :)

Posted by: isidore at December 18, 2009 7:42 PM

Just goes to show that we arent really all that sophisticated and that our relationship structures are in so many ways outdated.

Posted by: isidore at December 17, 2009 6:49 PM

May i just say, your post expressed alot of good old fashioned common sense.
cheers (tgif)
R

Posted by: grosrene at December 18, 2009 12:52 PM

Hi bily, sorry for your pain, but we were actually commenting on an particular hypothetical scenario that Rene put forward. I'm sure we all agree that it cuts both ways. Good luck.

Posted by: willow29 at December 18, 2009 11:53 AM

how come theres alot man talk.doesnt the woman side of things about having affair also counts.proberly not because most of the blogs are from women.Talking about loyality.my ex fiancee keep bugging me to a buy place in early janurary and sell my unit to finace it.it wasnt good enough to rent out my unit.she wanted to show my trust in the relationship.ok brought the place and 3 weeks later she leaves me day before mothers day.ever since then she wants nothing to do with me.i sold the place 2 months later[taking a years wages in lossess]because i couldnt afford the repayments and i was isloted because the transport was next to none.had no car but she did.so overall stop being one sided when coming to us men being not the loyal partner

Posted by: bily123 at December 18, 2009 8:50 AM

Posted by: ali1974 at December 17, 2009 8:04 PM
So whilst everyone else around knows that he is cheating on her and hurting her, it's ok so long as his wife doesn't find out??

Ali- thanks for the pov !!! I think you've made your position very loud and clear .

and on a point of clarification :
"A hardworking married man, with 'at home' children, becomes involved in an affair with another woman, who is unknown to either his family or friends ."
He has been very discreet.

Posted by: grosrene at December 17, 2009 10:44 PM

Just one more thing and then I can't be bothered any more. The guy will be teaching his male children that this is the way adults treat their wives and will be teaching his female children that's the way you can expect your future partner to behave. Children learn by example and in my book this is a lousy example. Unfortunately lousy seems to be the way some parents behave at the moment and you only have to see the consequences with all the teenage violence on the streets. My advice, grow a backbone, speak to your wife, if you can't work it out, work together for the sake of the children. Provide a good role model for the kids and then you will have done something worthwhile.

Posted by: iaminperth at December 17, 2009 10:27 PM

Posted by: aquamanda56 at December 17, 2009 9:21 PM
They went into this relationship knowing the limitations (i'm assuming), it was their choice and now they want to have exclusive rights?

Yep - a reasonable assumption imo.

"... After all, you had both committed to casual dating and nothing serious." Blog topic quote.

Posted by: grosrene at December 17, 2009 10:21 PM

Amanda - I would agree if that was indeed the scenario. But what if she didnt know about the wife until after she'd fallen in love?

What if he had been telling her that he was living with his wife in name only.... that it was a mutual decision for him and his wife?

The trouble with hypotheticals is we just don't know. We are only surmising on the limited information available. And this translates to real life. We dont know the circumstances of either party.

To put it in context, I had a friend, - a gorgeous, smart, athlete, who was married to a beautiful petite woman. They had a son who he adored, but she was extremely abusive - I mean physically abusive. He went to the cops who laughed at him. He really wanted to leave, as he was afraid for his safety and hers (that he might hurt her in defense) but was afraid for his son.

He never actually cheated on his wife, but he became emotionally involved in someone sympathetic, until such time when he considered his son was free from risk. He left her and they now share custody.

Now if he had cheated, would we not perhaps sympathise, knowing the full details?

Posted by: willow29 at December 17, 2009 10:15 PM

Posted by: ali1974 at December 17, 2009 8:04 PM

Indeed, i didn't follow the premise of the topic by verbatim.

As you point out, I've embellished it by adding to the dynamic the triangle; and might be forgiven for that by the vast proportion of us in our 30-60s - as being way more relevant to our circumstances.

I'm sure that small bit of 'poetic license', can be indulged for the sake of hypothetical debate. yes? or is that also a breach of ethics (?!) geez...

Posted by: grosrene at December 17, 2009 9:50 PM

Wow! Well said Lovely Ali - Alove x

Posted by: aloveoflife at December 17, 2009 9:23 PM

Ok...there's been a lot of comment about the central character here...the man who has taken a lover. (or woman) And the lover now wants a relationship and wants to expose the trist.......

Well, what about this lover? They went into this relationship knowing the limitations (i'm assuming), it was their choice and now they want to have exclusive rights? What does that say about the lover, how can their action be out of love for the Instigator of this scenario. It appears to me to be an action out of selfishness, it's not honouring the pact originally made and it is certainly not having any regard for the pain it will cause to the wife and children. At least half of the responsibility for this predicament has to lie with the Lover.

Posted by: aquamanda56 at December 17, 2009 9:21 PM

Good post, Isadore and I agree with you on most points except that I think men have a distinct advantage in their 40's plus, in that many modern women also contribute to the household finances as well as having children.

Maintaining their 20 year old shape is more difficult - breasts and belly stretched from birth and feeding. So if a woman sacrifices her shape for marriage and offspring, is it fair that her husband says "sorry hun, you just dont look like the same woman I married. I prefer this 20 year old nubile woman.."?

I know that in my own case, when my husband left, I thought "jeez, you could have done it when I was still beautiful".

Posted by: willow29 at December 17, 2009 8:42 PM

hmmm...don't know if my last response logged through as my internet dropped out...so apologies if this is a double....
Ali
-----------------
Posted by: feelgood76 at December 16, 2009 10:57 PM
Well posted FG! :-)

----------------
Posted by: aloveoflife at December 16, 2009 11:16 PM
Totally agree with Willow, Perthy and Alove, it's betrayal. He's married.

If he want's his bit on the side, then be a big man and first off - leave his wife (and I'm referring to divorce and not just leave for the night to return at will). After they have divorced, go get his bit on the side. Anything other than that is unacceptable.

----------------
Posted by: grosrene at December 15, 2009 3:44 PM
"it is a casual relationship, suited to both parties"

But the thing here is...both parties implies there is only him and his lover. The reality is that the wife and children are also party to the relationship by default. As much as he might try to forget them when he is with his lover and his lover may not want to hear about them, they are still party to the relationship.

"At no point has the man stopped loving his wife and children"
To treat his wife with such disregard would indicate no love. There may be like, but love....I seriously doubt would still be there. Why would he behave in such a way if he did truly love her. In my mind: he's a spineless, greedy creep!!!

"Confused, he refuses to leave his wife"
Really...he's not that confused. He no longer wants his wife, but doesn't have the stones to make a real man decision. He is comfortable to have everything done for him. But he also wants the heightened excitement of no responsibility and being 'naughty'. He knows he doesn't want his wife and knows he doesn't really want his lover...he has what he would consider the best of both worlds!

"Is there verbal contract implicit between them, not to disclose their relationship? "
No. Unless it was stipulated at the outset this is his tough luck. No sympathy! Good cliche for you: Play with fire gonna get burnt.

"This scenario might play out more often that you think"
That may be true, but it doesn't make it right. We just become more exhausted by the crap of these instances and become blase until it occurs within our circles.

----------------
Posted by: grosrene at December 16, 2009 11:45 PM
"He is to be utterly candid about this ?....wouldn't this just hurt the wifes feelings and damage their family for no possible gain to either of them ?....
Protecting her feelings by not telling her"

So whilst everyone else around knows that he is cheating on her and hurting her, it's ok so long as his wife doesn't find out?? He is already hurting her by being unfaithful to his family. He is also lying to his children in this scenario. Think a little deeper.
If he truly doesn't want to hurt his wife's feelings and damage his family, then 1. don't cheat and commit infidelity, 2. to ease that sexual frustration, he might want to consider resorting to mrs. palmer rather than a lover.

If a couple enter matrimony with the clear understanding that the relationship is to be monogamous, there is no way to justify infidelity. No matter how bad he might think his sex life is, you can not justify that behaviour
Ali
:-(

Posted by: ali1974 at December 17, 2009 8:04 PM

Hi Folks

seekingtheone123 I empathise with you...try being male 45 and looking for someone without kids, without 'ties'..who is fit and slim and who doesnt see herself as over the hill ;)
Keep your chin up, they are 'out there'..thing is they aren't always online...i'm just about to take myself off for a while and look in the real world..as clearly i'm getting a bit jaded with it all ;)
Theres always someone that comes along...eventually ;)

iaminperth you are spot on. If both parties are in agreement with their 'arrangement' then imo there is no issue. Its nobodys business but theirs....obviously.

In a nutshell; transparency and ethics.

grosrene you bring up so many pertinent points. Good to see you stirring the pot.
I think its totally unreasonable for 'any' partner to withold 'something' that is fundamental to that relationships continued functionality or health...or something that was fundamental that defined or maintained the relationship.
Sex for example; if either partner decides they don't want it anymore then thats a selfish decision...or perhaps an 'individual' decision and is often overlooked in infidelity cases.
A marriage is a big decision...ive never done it and do not plan to.
Many seem to think its all beer and skittles, get together, get married, have a few kids and then ......what did we just do???
Those vows we took? Hey werent they just written in a book that some priest gave to us? Cant remember 'em!
Kids? Umm I didnt really want them...and now weve got 3 and youve put on 15kg and don't give a shi...about 'us' anymore ...i'm working 60 hours a week because we need the money, we dont talk anymore, you dont touch me,.etc etc etc....

Its a tough gig for many...and you dont have to have done it to see that.

Life is complex for many. People do genuinely have to live with difficult situations. Its so easy to judge not knowing what exactly is going on.

I think anyone who decides to get married should think long and hard about their vows..or mission statement..or contract...
What is it that you need? What are the fundamental things that are important to you? Can you provide your partner with what they need and want?

How many of us 'think' about that before we enter into 'any' relationship?

We are complex. We are changing....particularly if we are genuinely looking to learn from life.

I've said before that marriage, if people need to do that, could be approached as a finite/renewable contract where partners revisit the relationship and their contract and then decide to either renew it, amend it, or move on into life in different directions.

Sounds clinical. But isnt so much about what we do in respect to choosing a partner like that anyway?

Theres financial considerations, attraction, status, health, sex, etc to consider.

The fact many of us are still looking probably supports the fact that we are looking for certain qualities in a partner. Call it discerning or fussy or particular.

It is what it is. I'm happy to say i'm one of those people.

Some people should never get married on 'traditional' vows and expectations.

Tiger Woods is rich, successful and it seems intent on screwing anything that presents itself. We make judgements on that. Do we know what their arrangement was? I'm guessing it was traditional...but he couldnt fulfill that.

Imagine if a guy like Tiger said hey, I need some kids, give me some children and I will provide you with everything you need and want..BUT...I cannot commit to being monogamous with you, and I dont expect you to be with me. I travel all over the world and opportunities present themselves....but I want a great mother for my kids.

'May' have saved him some fuss perhaps?

Just goes to show that we arent really all that sophisticated and that our relationship structures are in so many ways outdated.

Posted by: isidore at December 17, 2009 6:49 PM

Rene

Obviously you've watched Dr phill... has any of it sunk in..?

Quote: Confused, he refuses to leave his wife, and child, and tells her so.

Quote: What should he do ?

He should understand his feelings before making desired contact with the lover. He once loved his wife as you say... So therefore love remains underneath the confusion. To understand his feelings prior to contact with a lover will give the best possible outcome.

If a mate asked me what he should do... I would tell him...; ' It's your life.., be true to yourself.'


FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at December 17, 2009 6:12 PM

Seeking - welcome to the blogs. It sounds like you've had some bad luck! Hang tight, the right man will come along when you least expect it. Take heart.

Posted by: willow29 at December 17, 2009 6:07 PM

Your post of 1.45pm said that his wife no longer satisfies him sexually, which was the implied reason he felt the need to have sex elsewhere. Hence my reply.

Do you really think that a man wife's role to each other is the same as a person to their work or business partners? I mean, Ive had the bank screw me a few times and yes, I do mistakenly expect their loyalty, but I really wouldnt put them in the same category as a partner.

Posted by: willow29 at December 17, 2009 6:02 PM

Posted by: willow29 at December 17, 2009 10:59 AM

Loyalty ; to family, to friends, to business partners, country,political party and church etc isn't defined by a sexual satisfaction nor obligation.

It is a decision to help, to defend and to promote (etc) their wellbeing. Often even in times of dispute.

I didn't say that she was denying him 'his conjugal rights' - is there even such a thing?
Nor did i say , or even suggest that either party HAD to sexually satisfy the other as a matter of obligation.

That would be a rather dire indictment of marriage should it become a contractual requirement, and the only means of finding a solution to a lack of sexual attraction between them , and the only hope of maintaining the integrity of the parental responsibility to the children.

Posted by: aloveoflife at December 16, 2009 11:16 PM

If your saying that the wifes right to be offended at his infidelity, and have the clichéd response to execute a divorce (out of resentment); is a higher right than that of the children's right to have both parents to care and nurture them ... i disagree.

thanks for the pov

Posted by: grosrene at December 17, 2009 1:37 PM

hi guys
i am looking for a permanent relationship, i am in my 30's now and it is proving impossible. Everyone i meet there is so much baggage. Majority of men are divorced and have so many kids to so many diff women. that is a common prob. Anohter common prob is men say they are single when they are married. Then i meet attractive men who only want a one night stand. i have tried net dating, going to single nights, social clubs, and of course the good old bars n clubs. Is 30 the but off point 4 a decent man???? Is it just all the leftovers now. Stale, mouldy last months dinner left on the menu.

Posted by: seekingtheone123 at December 17, 2009 1:21 PM

There are a lot of people who turn a blind eye to their partners infidelities which, I believe, is fine. Provided it is accepted and agreed to by both parties. If it is an arrangement that suits both parties, that's their choice.

Sneaking around and lying however is not the go, it's just pathetic I think.

Posted by: iaminperth at December 17, 2009 1:04 PM

I was just reminded of an RSVP man who told me straight up that he was in an arranged marriage and that he had never loved her and now that they had the requisite heir, no longer shared her bed.

I wasn't interested but it goes to show it does happen - and he was a well respected person in the medical profession.

Posted by: willow29 at December 17, 2009 12:30 PM

Rene - he is LOYAL? I don't understand that conclusion. What if his wife is NOT denying him his "conjugal rights"? Does that make a difference?

And, does he not have a responsibility for satisfying sex with is partner? Or is it just her that has to satisfy him?

Posted by: willow29 at December 17, 2009 10:59 AM

Well said FG, you're not just a pretty face after all.I think the miserable rene ....

* Rolls eyes

Posted by: iaminperth at December 17, 2009 12:03 AM

My advice would be to stay aware and understand his feelings... Remember, 'prevention is better than cure.'

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at December 16, 2009 10:57 PM

"DUDe"- . quoting Dr Phil ??

Honestly - If your mate/brother/client asked for your advice on this situation - are you tell me thats what you'd offer ???

Posted by: grosrene at December 17, 2009 10:53 AM

Rene, this might help.... :)

Early Dismissal

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have
turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do.
All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early
dismissal.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can
leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart
and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the
questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would
keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"

Posted by: willow29 at December 17, 2009 8:55 AM

Rene @4.53 - Im not sure why the first para was in parenthesis - who were you quoting there?

Ok a more considered answer as promised:

"What should he do ?"
Well if he is worried about any assets and doesn't want to lose them, he better fess up before the mistress does. If there's no secret, there's no bargaining tool for a payout. (Thinking of Tiger's scenario).

"What are the social, and legal rules here ?"
Socially - the rules are "dont get caught".
Legally, if he had a long term relationship with his lover, then she has rights and their possible offspring also have rights, ie maintenance.

"Is there verbal contract implicit between them, not to disclose their relationship?"
Well, as per the social rule..."dont get caught", secrecy is usually par for the course. However as Amanda said, there are many famous lovers/mistresses in history. I think the exception to the rule is based on how powerful you are to quash the gossip!

"Is a couples love and marriage predicated and reciprocated purely by the rule of monogamy, and the expectation/ demand to be entirely exclusive, forever ?"
I agree with Feelgood here - it depends on the relationship. Generally/commonly the answer is yes. But there are exceptions and as Perth said, if it is acceptable between both parties...why not?.

"Can a man/woman love two women/men at the same time ? "
Yes, you can't control who you love. What you can control is what you chose to do about it.

"What are the best/worst case solutions, and outcomes, available to them ?"
Worse case scenario is that he destroys his wife and family with the hurt and betrayal he has caused.

Best case scenario, the wife and the mistress love each other and they form a trinity....

Ok, Ive tried not to be flippant and of course the Tiger Woods scenario is still fresh on the airways, which may skew my opinions.

Well done Rene, for the provocativeness of your post. Its a bit like the old days :)

Posted by: willow29 at December 17, 2009 7:11 AM

My advice would be to stay aware and understand his feelings... Remember, 'prevention is better than cure.'

FG - im trying to work out what that means ...
i guess it sounded cool when Dr Phil said it, BUT REALLY !??!

Posted by: grosrene at December 17, 2009 12:33 AM

Well said FG, you're not just a pretty face after all. I think the miserable rene has been aroun d here befo0re as well. My kitten is half asleep on my keyboard so can't access all the keys. sorry 'bout that..........failed again.;;;;;;;;;;;boo hoo me
she has two little feet and her head collap[sed1 on the ksy exhausted. My dog weighs abut 40kgs and kitten 1.2 and kitten alaready has the u-pper hand, or should I ay paw...

Posted by: iaminperth at December 17, 2009 12:03 AM

Posted by: feelgood76 at December 16, 2009 10:57 PM
...- contradiction here dude, is he married or dating..? Moving on..

Why is that a contradiction? - his solid commitments to both his career and his children are no contradictions to his decision to have a lover (a casual relationship ).

As for the reasons for his wanting a lover /lovers etc. May wealthy and successful family men are invited to enjoy the pleasure of a woman's company.... after all they often say "all the good ones are taken"

Perhaps he was young and 'in love' when he married - and is not any longer 'in love' and no longer young - BUT HE IS LOYAL.
His wife is family .

The lover is a playmate, threatening to hurt his family. Capisco?

Posted by: grosrene at December 16, 2009 11:57 PM

Posted by aquamanda56 at December 16, 2009 9:31 PM

First allow me to say that the masculine context of the example is purely to simplify the narrative. Please substitute the female partner as per the case.

Excellent example too might i add.
Same with Simone De beauvoir and many other 'liberated wives'.

Thanks for that.

Posted by: iaminperth at December 16, 2009 10:22 PM

Perth- are you of the opinion then, that if a wife or husband becomes uninterested in sex with a marriage partner ( after many years together- its very common, or due to sexual dysfunction,poor health, lack of confidence, mental health issues etc ); and even if he feel that he still loves her as his partner, and he definitely wants to remain a FT father to their children; that he must then he must be prepared to forgo sex altogether.
("That's that fella" - your married now and thats the end of it! you gave up your balls when you got married...)

Simply put - Another woman as a sexual playmate is a breech of their marriage contract - and thats it - hes 'NASTY' is the only factor to consider.Case closed.

So your opinion is that must tell his wife, upfront; that he is not anymore interested/prepared to be unsatisfied by her sexually;

and, to add further insult to injury ; that he has met, or intends on getting sexual relief/enjoyment from some another woman/women (or professionals) from that point onwards.

He is to be utterly candid about this ?

And if he 'does the right thing' he has then right to expect to be entirely respected for his honesty and candor, with a sympathetic and understanding wife who will not threaten divorce, or other retribution ?

Right? (*coughs)
In reality, wouldn't this just hurt the wifes feelings and damage their family for no possible gain to either of them ?

Why is it assumed hes ONLY being sneaky and underhanded and hence deserves to be punished? Isn't he also protecting her feelings by not telling her?

Perth is that honestly a preferable solution to him keeping his silence about his intentions or his reasons ?

Posted by: grosrene at December 16, 2009 11:45 PM

A casual relationship, suited to both parties - i.e. the MARRIED MAN and ANOTHER WOMAN. So it is suitable to them, what about his wife, what about his children? It all sounds a bit selfish to me.

Poor pet, he's hardworking, so whilst he's off with his bit on the side, his loyal wife is doing the hard yakka with THEIR 'at home' children. I'm with Perth and Willow on this one, he has breached his vows of trust, honesty and fidelity and does not deserve his family. A leopard never changes it spots unless you skin it.

Posted by: aloveoflife at December 16, 2009 11:16 PM

grosrene something tells me you've been around here before..?

Your example was a hardworking married man, with 'at home' children, becomes involved in an affair with another woman, who is unknown to either his family or friends.
Now, your reply to Willow: the topic refers to casual relationships - contradiction here dude, is he married or dating..? Moving on..,

Is there verbal contract implicit between them, not to disclose their relationship? Answer; Well your telling the story so how do we know.

Is a couples love and marriage predicated and reciprocated purely by the rule of monogamy, and the expectation/ demand to be entirely exclusive, forever ? Answer; Depends on the couples involved.

Can a man/woman love two women/men at the same time ? Answer; Yes i believe so. It is possible but who is willing to except it...? Comes down to partner choice, the situation at hand and honesty within himself.

What are the best/worst case solutions, and outcomes, available to them :? Answer; Best outcome is to start with himself and be honest with his ture feelings. Ask why did the affair start in the first place.? Ask when did the attraction begin..? Is there still an attraction to the wife? Does he still love the wife? Is he really attracted to the lover or attracted to the excitement..? Is it just convenient for him to be in the marriage.

Best outcome: Only a true self answered question will discover his thoughts. Worst solution; Hold back regret and anger. This will only cause further implications down the track.


My advice would be to stay aware and understand his feelings... Remember, 'prevention is better than cure.'

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at December 16, 2009 10:57 PM

Rene, the relationship is between the man and wife. Any other romantic liaison , whether casual or otherwise is a breech of trust and fidelity to the marriage. I might have to re-read your responses when I get up in the morning and put more time into a response. Goodnight all.

Posted by: willow29 at December 16, 2009 10:57 PM

I simply see it as a breaking of trust as I stad. Break one and lie, where does it end. Not for me and no old wounds I can assure you, not that it's any of your business. However, if it sits okay with both parties that's fine. If it's sneaky and underhanded, nasty. Just my opinion and really can't see why people bother to get married in the first place if they are still going to sniff around. I simply believe you are either married or you are not.

Posted by: iaminperth at December 16, 2009 10:22 PM

I think Rene has raised a topic that many would find difficult to discuss. I am not going to comment on the wrong or right or morals of it. It is certainly nothing new and has been something that has been acceptable in certain societies throughout history. Sometimes such infidelities were the norm in the upper classes where the wife bore the children, managed the household (didn't DO the house work) and presented herself as at social functions and was often times relieved not having to always perform her wifely duty (in bed)..the master had his mistress for this purpose. As long as it was discreet and not flaunted about it had a function and was not discussed. I think perhaps humans were not meant to have only one partner for life but different partners for different periods of our lives...serial monogamy? Infidelities are not limited to the scenario drawn by Rene (of course) If anyone has read the biography of Anais Nin, an extraordinary woman, you would know. She had many lovers through her life but always remained loyal (not faithful) to her husband...personally I can't believe that he didn't know. She for many years divided her time between her husband and lover's house holds on opposite sides of the US...there was a movie made about it, as was one made about her affair with the writer Henry Miller. Perhaps sometimes for those involved it's a case of accepting that for them they would rather have the part of their partner that is theirs (and share) than not to have it at all. Certainly there are many of us, the majority I think, who couldn't live that way

Posted by: aquamanda56 at December 16, 2009 9:31 PM

Iaminperth -
"I would say that no matter whether love were involved or not, or if the guy is hardworking or not or whatever, these things are totally irrelevant."

Not even the war/law courts are allowed to be that ignorant of circumstance ... unless your judge, jury and executioner that is .
(I sense a old wound perhaps?)

"The simple answer is that it is the breaking of trust"

What of the lovers pact to remain on the 'down low' ?

For myself ( society ??) i'm not prepared say whether either parties is clearly negligent here, to be declared liable for punishment and compensation; although i am prepare to see that an easy scapegoat would be the rakish husband.

To make myself clearer - I am asking from the perspective of equitable arbitration, and insight.

thanks for the pov
R

Posted by: grosrene at December 16, 2009 5:16 PM

Willow29 - the topic refers to casual relationships -

"So you've been seeing each other casually for a few weeks, maybe a month. And perhaps dated other people at the same time. After all, you had both committed to casual dating and nothing serious. You are having fun hooking up with no strings attached."

Your response - "Rene, a 'relationship" for most people, implies fidelity" - sounds as if your stating that 'casual relationships' by their 'open' to others agreement ( either implicit or explicit) aren't real relationships; and hence might also imply, that they aren't really a breach of contract between wife and husband then.

Its only when the lover wants more of a 'closed' relationship, that it becomes a conflict of interests between the husband and wife.

He isn't prepared to do so .

Posted by: grosrene at December 16, 2009 4:53 PM

Rene, I would say that no matter whether love were involved or not, or if the guy is hardworking or not or whatever, these things are totally irrelevant.

The simple answer is that it is the breaking of trust. It is deception and I would believe that once that trust is broken, it is going to be extremely hard or impossible to regain it. It is stealing from the marriage, it is stealing time and money and many other things.

Whether you think it is right or wrong is entirely irrelevant as it is just the way society works and it is taking the decision making totally away from the other party and treating them with contempt.

Posted by: iaminperth at December 16, 2009 11:55 AM

Rene, a 'relationship" for most people, implies fidelity. Im sure that we are all mature enough to realise that infidelity does happen, but in the scenario you have described, he has chosen not to tell his wife. Why? Because he understands that there are moral/social boundaries being crossed. He probably also realises that his wife would feel hurt and betrayed by his actions.

As far as the "rules" are concerned regarding the silence of his lover...again, you yourself are implying that it is not the "right" thing to do - hence needing secrecy.

I have an idea that the Tiger Woods scenario follows this premise and that in this case, the woman scorned was not only his wife but his multiple lovers - I suspect each of them believed to be "in love" and the "only (other) woman". And cliched as it is..... hell hath no fury.....

Posted by: willow29 at December 16, 2009 9:39 AM

"A lover tries to stand in well with the pet dog of the house. "
Moliere

Grosrene - Moliere knows his stuff ; )

Posted by: willow29 at December 15, 2009 10:15 PM

I'll expand upon the question:

For example - from a males perspective...

A hardworking married man, with 'at home' children, becomes involved in an affair with another woman, who is unknown to either his family or friends .

It is a casual relationship, suited to both parties, and is at first purely for mutual pleasure and entertainment.

At no point has the man stopped loving his wife and children; but, yes - he is keeping it a secret from the family.

His reasons for wanting a lover are his own.

As time passes, the lover becomes more attached and wants to become more involved with him. Both parties have invested both time and money into their relationship...and it has become a bond.
His lover discloses her deep feelings and desires to be 'more'.

Confused, he refuses to leave his wife, and child, and tells her so. She, then threatens to disclose the affair to his wife in a fit of jealousy/anger.

What should he do ?

What are the social, and legal rules here ?

Is there verbal contract implicit between them, not to disclose their relationship?

Is a couples love and marriage predicated and reciprocated purely by the rule of monogamy, and the expectation/ demand to be entirely exclusive, forever ?

Can a man/woman love two women/men at the same time ?

What are the best/worst case solutions, and outcomes, available to them ?

It occurs to me that this scenario plays itself out more often than one cares to admit, and hence i wonder what have been your experiences - and what advice would you offer to others in this predicament now, in order to help them avoid the destructive impulses that often surface ?

kind regards,

Rene

Ps - are you worried that disclosure of past liaisons might jeopardize your future chances here ? Should they ?

Posted by: grosrene at December 15, 2009 3:44 PM

And what of affairs with lovers ?
What are "the rules"?

"A lover tries to stand in well with the pet dog of the house. "
Moliere

Posted by: grosrene at December 14, 2009 2:29 AM

thanks Alove!

Posted by: wahinetoa00 at December 6, 2009 12:38 AM

Yeah MaybeP, what's the go? Have you got some roof racks for the YAK yet? We are all waiting up here for you and your green machine. Last weekend was amazing up here. Come up for a day trip and paddle. Umm unfortunately you won't be allowed to leave the kids in the car boot - just too hot at the moment . . ;)

Glitter xo

Posted by: glitteringblue at December 1, 2009 6:46 PM

Maybe....are your exams in the distant past now?
Wondering how you are travelling??

kurli

Posted by: kurli at December 1, 2009 9:44 AM

Another newbie!! Welcome to the madhouse wahinetoa00, Alove

Posted by: aloveoflife at November 29, 2009 10:50 PM

nastiegirl, do you come with a warning label - Beware, plays games?
It is a sad time that despite the progress of the modern world that our egos can't take rejection, even if it's better to cut our losses and move on. It's tough when feelings aren't reciprocated, but it's tougher when expectations aren't met and it ruins everything. These fears we all bring to the table.
If your heart can handle it, I say be genuine. At the end of the day if you can't say what you want and be OK with that, what hope do you have?
x

Posted by: wahinetoa00 at November 29, 2009 10:16 PM

well 2 point i would like to point out some pearls of wisdom i have learnt along the way.
1 if you want a relationship:
then go for it
2 if you don't want a relationship but want to keep seeing them casually....
tell them you want a relationship then keep having fun casually just don't get caught.
PROBLEM SOVLED

Posted by: nastiegirl at November 28, 2009 10:24 PM

maybe...are you hiding?
;-)

Posted by: ali1974 at November 22, 2009 6:37 PM

Hi there I am new to this dating scene and have quickly learnt there is more to rsvp than just putting up a profile. So far have meet some really genuine gentlemen. One first life experience was a hello kiss (wow) I have really been too scared to meet again. The chemistry i felt was alive! I think I may have lived too long behind closed doors??? I have heard back from a few of the gentlemen to also say they have found there special one at present after only a few dates, so i am getting the impression perhaps couples are exploring relationships
very openly and spontaneously.

Posted by: girlgolden at November 22, 2009 1:13 PM

ahhh Ali.. .a woman after my own heart xo

Posted by: maybeperfect4u at November 21, 2009 11:52 PM

Hey Ali,

I have made a few really good women friends on here...all from Melbourne. Basically, a few of the bloggers that got on together decided to meet (in Melbourne...its where the action is) to get to know each other...we all had a ball.

I had an absolute ball, met a few really nice women who are now my friends (and they are all friends now too)...I am going to visit them next month...meeting at the Transport Bar...always good fun there...you should come along.

Bob

Posted by: simplegame at November 19, 2009 9:33 PM

oh yeah...and I don't waste my time on guys who leave me hanging...especially when I've openly indicated interest....
Again, it's an archived blog discussion where if a guy is truly interested, he'll get/keep in touch.
;-)

Posted by: ali1974 at November 19, 2009 7:22 PM

heehee..geez Bob, that's two women on here who's week you've made ;-)
xo

Posted by: ali1974 at November 19, 2009 7:18 PM

*Mwah* Bob,
If only that were true, but it's not. I'm not a clubber and don't get approached anywhere else. So I play here, on another site, the gym and via a dating agency. In fact the dating agency have been the worst!! You'd think if they know what you're looking for, they'd be professional about it and send you out with someone close to the 'vision' (in attitude/appearance). As a dear friend recently put it, this is all part of my journey and one day.....
I do get to enjoy some lovely eye candy and I do get to blog with you wonderful people..so really...there is an upside to it all.
And to borrow your self deprecating 'approach' to life, it might have something to do with the 'fk off' statement that appears across my forehead when I meet tools (and I'm not talking bunnings) ;-)
Ali
*off to make some jelly*
:-0

Posted by: ali1974 at November 19, 2009 7:17 PM

Hey Ali,

You are pretty cute....and obviously a great, fun girl going by the blogging. Cant imagine that you have too much trouble meeting guys...but Melbourne seems to be the singles capital...I reckon about 50% of singles in my bracket (46 - 58) are from there

Bob

Posted by: simplegame at November 18, 2009 10:20 PM

Hey Maybe, just dropping back to the photo discussion a couple of days ago. The photos have a definite impact. I have recently updated mine (having gone back to blonde from brunette) and the number of kisses has improved. My profile remains the same, only the primary photo was changed. So give it a go...take a stack..pull allsorts of faces to make yourself laugh and somewhere in there will be 1 or 2 that you like...
*send you good fortune and wishes*
Ali

Posted by: ali1974 at November 18, 2009 8:43 PM

Hi Jen,
Long time no see here
Ali
:-)

Posted by: ali1974 at November 18, 2009 7:33 PM

Congratulations Virgo... I am really happy for you. Lots of love and best wishes... xoxo
Krazy :)

Posted by: karen59 at November 18, 2009 6:35 PM

Hey Virgo, my last message to you..I woke-up the other night my eyes in tears crying over my dream..my sister and I went to a wedding shop, my sister and the sales lady force me to wear a wedding dress. I cried coz I refused to wear a wedding dress. i was helpless but i can't stop them to dressed me up. My sister told me, whether I like it or not, I can't refused !...there I woke-up crying !..I wish I can pass to you this omen vision...mwah!

Posted by: cattleyaorchids at November 18, 2009 11:16 AM

Congratulations from me too Virgo. I'm thrilled for you.

You have been a bright spark on the blogs and will be missed.

Hi everyone.... hope everyone is well and happy.

Jen

Posted by: jen234 at November 18, 2009 7:03 AM

Virgo, good luck, I wish I won't see you here browsing again for next Mr Enuff, blogs its ok. Post a pics at success story. You are the second blogger made it (hope he's the one). I know two bloggers made it, found one another here in this blogs, since then I never heard them again. I wish both of them still together and still happy !
I hate to see you go in these blogs but you must to leave this sin city immediately !... lol

Posted by: cattleyaorchids at November 17, 2009 6:29 PM

Take care Virgo ,
Thank you for making me feel so welcome when I first got here and for all the fun, crazy and 'sherioush' exchanges.
We'll miss you and as Maybe said, drop in once in a while.
Ali
xoxo

Posted by: ali1974 at November 17, 2009 5:59 PM

Hey FG,

Couldn't agree with you more, my friend...sometime it just feels right.

Bob

Posted by: simplegame at November 17, 2009 5:31 PM

Virgo,
I've probably already missed you, but I am so happy for you.
Wishing you all the love and happiness you deserve. xx

And yes FG, I think you are right :)

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 17, 2009 4:38 PM

see guys.... when you know,, you know.

Later mum x

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at November 16, 2009 11:03 PM

Good for you Virgo. I wish you and your family, both existing and new all the very very best for future happiness. Wonderful heartwarming story of success for a lovely lady. Happiness always !!

Posted by: iaminperth at November 16, 2009 10:16 PM

Virgo I'm sure the rest of the gang (who know you so much better than I do) are so happy at your reason for leaving.....Go and be as happy as you dared to hope might happen
(yes sounds double dutch.but you KNOW what I mean)

Just be HAPPY.......hugs from grannie K

Posted by: kurli at November 16, 2009 9:53 PM

awww Virgo.. u brought me to tears. You are one very very special and beautiful woman and you deserve every happiness. All the very best in life and love ... and I agree with Bob.. may we never see you on RSVP as a member again.. but please drop in as a visitor from time to time to give us hope.... MWAH xo ox ox

Posted by: maybeperfect4u at November 16, 2009 9:48 PM

I just want to say a big ta to the special person that introduced me to Virgo knowing that we would hit it off - I will always be grateful to you for bringing us together, she is a friend I will value for life. Thank you. Alove x

Posted by: aloveoflife at November 16, 2009 8:00 PM

Lovely Virgo, I'm so happy for you and proud to call you a friend. I look forward to continuing with our chats and emails and chats and texts and more chats. Lordy we can talk. Love you to the moon, around the stars and through the milky way, Alove x

Posted by: aloveoflife at November 16, 2009 6:58 PM

Hey Lizzie,

Believe me, the priviledge is all mine...hope I NEVER see you here again....you are one very special lady.

Boof xoxo

Posted by: simplegame at November 16, 2009 5:47 PM

It's nearly time for me to leave here guys...I'm pretty sure I've found the man that I've been looking for...so I just wanted to say a few things to you all..!

When I joined on here, I had no idea that I would meet such a wonderful bunch of people as yourselves...most of you I've not met, but you have been part of my life for the last 11 months...and it's been my absolute privilege to know you.

Icy...Good luck my friend...keep grinning..!
Belle...You're a special young lady...mwah.
Kurli...You're an awesome chick...xo
Willow...You have such a beautiful heart and soul..xo
Perth...Such a strong woman whom I admire and respect.
Glitter...Keep shining girl...xo
Kaz...I wish you love and happiness...!
Ali...Enjoy Jesse...I'll always remember your Gilligans Island song..mwah...xo
Maybe...Hang in there...you'll find your man.
Amber...You're such a lovely woman...xo
Bob...Thank you for being my good friend...xo
FG...I couldn't have asked for a better surrogate son..luv you...xo
Alove...I love you Brown Eyes...mwah...xoxoxo

I wish you all happiness and love, and hope with all my heart, that you all find what you're looking for..!

Virgo....xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Posted by: virgowoman2 at November 15, 2009 11:49 AM

Virgo, Im so very happy for you on both accounts xxx

Posted by: willow29 at November 14, 2009 10:09 PM

Hi Maybe, you are sounding much happier and upbeat : )))

My Little Miss Sunshine got a thrashing for 4 hours this morning with my 2 kayak buddies - then the library and now it's "rancho relaxso" (my place) dvd's and yummy lunch . . .mmm what a sublime day it is here on the Sunny Coast, I guess Brissy's like that today too (can't you have a study break and strap your kid to your back and go for a paddle???)

Good luck with your exams.

Luv Glitter xo

Posted by: glitteringblue at November 14, 2009 2:08 PM

Glad your daughter's wedding went so well Virgo.
Hope things will just keep getting better and better for you.
Best wishes xx

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 14, 2009 1:41 PM

Good luck with the exams Maybe :)) & there is nothing wrong with your profile either - profiles are designed to be read!! If there is a perception problem it generally lies with the reader...

Lovestat - i think you were trying to offer constructive views? you are very entitled & welcome to post your views, but be aware, offering "specific person advice" does tend to make these boards overheat.. which is fine as long as you can wear your bruises :)

Maybe - what is with the Broncos?
just says the STORM supporter

'Belle

Posted by: glitterbelle at November 14, 2009 1:33 PM

Interesting... there is no visible profile for Lovestat.. the giver of advice... that always makes me a genuine person suspicious... or should I not be hmmm

Anyways... onwards and upwards and back to the books.. exams finish this week and life can resume :) :) And yes glitter.. that means the green baby will get quite a lot of loving!!!

What a gorgeous day it is out there xo

Posted by: maybeperfect4u at November 14, 2009 12:01 PM

awwwwwww Virgo that's fantastic... sooo sooo sooooo happy for you and you truly deserve every happiness. Can't wait for more goss ;). Major hugs xo

Icy V V happy for you too and glad nanna's 100th was great. Enjoy NZ it's beautiful. Are you cycling around or ?

Ahh Lovestat.. if only it were a 'tantrum'... I"ve left it active to clear up a 'few things' but the honesty in the heading and removal of photos is due to the now 102 rejections which have I taken over 18 months to acquire. And whilst I think I'm a great catch, it's obvious my photos and perhaps personal appearance doesn't attract the kind of man I"m after. People will say don't change, but the truth is if we aren't willing to offer our best selves, why should others be willing to accept the same. So I'm off to 'reinvent' or rather drop these unwanted kilos and become the woman men I admire/adore/want to know more would want to date and have a future with.

I'm in Brisbane.... wasn't hard finding someone I felt I could at least have a decent conversation with every few days to send a kiss too. Profiles are just glimpses of personalities, and I am a firm believer everyone has something to teach us... and plus.. one can never have too many friends.

So, no 'tanty' going on.. genuine 'reinvention/renovation' phase about to take place, but first it's the right thing to do to finish old business, before completing disappearing my profile :)

Take a chance and send a kiss I say.. I'm not deterred.... just inspired now!

Oh Virgo.. I can't stop smiling for you :) :) :)

Posted by: maybeperfect4u at November 14, 2009 11:58 AM

Hi Lizzie,

Love couldn't happen to a more beautiful or deserving person than you sweetie......he is a very lucky man to have found you:))

Love you too

Boof xox

Posted by: simplegame at November 14, 2009 9:29 AM

That's great news Virgo (for the wedding and mr. spesh).
*big cheer and grin*
Ali
xo

Posted by: ali1974 at November 14, 2009 8:56 AM

Awwww, Virgo, thank goodness you told, I was going to explode holding your wonderful news in, but I would never break our confidence! Love you, Alove xx

Posted by: aloveoflife at November 14, 2009 12:40 AM

Love ya mum xx

Posted by: feelgood76 at November 13, 2009 11:21 PM

Maybeperfect4u... Long time reader first time poster here. I just wanted to say that you say you are a positive person perhaps stop coming across with 'tantrums' on your profile then. I looked at your profile several times for my single step brother and on those occasions you are dogging men for being superficial or carrying on about making yourself over. If you truly beleive you are a fabulous person what do you need to make over? Taking your picture away and making it private to get kisses is just setting yourself up for false hope. If a man kisses you at least you know he's doing so liking what he sees. 101 rejections, wow! I'd love to know how you even found 101 men in your area that you felt were compatible matches for you!? I have barely found 2 men on here in my area that I would want to kiss. Food for thought anyway.

Posted by: lovestat at November 13, 2009 11:13 PM

Glad it well well Virgo - the wedding and your weekend.

And yes, a big grin on my face........constantly.

Cheers Icy.

Posted by: icycle67 at November 13, 2009 9:26 PM

Hey beautiful bloggers....

First of all...great news Icy, betcha you've good a big grin on your face, and so you should....enjoy my friend, and good good luck...!!

Jodie's wedding was a fairytale come true, a beautiful day for a beautiful couple, I had a few teary moments, but they were tears of joy...my heart was so full of pride when I saw her walk towards her brand spanking new husband...:)

Mr. Spesh flew in an hour after the reception finished, and I spent three wonderful days with him....when I saw him at the airport, I ran and launched myself at him...poor guy got a huge koala hug and smooch, think I nearly knocked him over...he is a beautiful man, and has left an indelible mark on me...!!

Anyway hope all you guys are well...and have a fantastic weekend....!!

Lotsalove.....Virgo..xoxoxoxoxo

Posted by: virgowoman2 at November 13, 2009 9:01 AM

These ones are absolutely delicious. From a gourmet shop in Claremont covered in dark chocolate and beautifully fresh.

My daughter also brought me home some buderin ginger coated in this delicious chocolate. Absolutely gorgeos treat now and then.

By the way, I have now lost 9kgs and still enjoy my little treats now and then.

Had yummy steak and salad for dinner with japanese salad dressing. Have four different types on the go now and love them all, very tangy and fresh.

Posted by: iaminperth at November 13, 2009 12:29 AM

Hey Icy, Good for you. Get what you have to get done in NZ and then back again to your lady here,. I am sure she will understand that it's only for two weeks and you will be able to make contact daily anyway,. Don't forget to bring something nice home. It's sort of like a dose of reality at the start of something and I don;t think that hurts at all. I hope it all works out the way you would like it too and all the very best for the future.

Posted by: iaminperth at November 12, 2009 10:51 PM

alove, there was a vendor cart near the eiffel tower (about 2-yrs ago) that made the most delicious fresh crepes (i think i had nuttela and banana)...hmmm.....he was on the right hand side of the bridge as you walk away from the tower....just beware the gypsies.
xo

perthy, envious..I luuurve choc coated coffee beans...have to find another place to buy here after the one I knew closed their doors :-(
hmmm...nothing like a choc-caffeine buzz. I also like the milk covered ones (but not the white choc ones - white best on it's own)
:-)

Posted by: ali1974 at November 12, 2009 9:52 PM

Hi Icy : ))

I am so please for you. I knew it wouldn't be long before a woman in Brissy cottoned on to what a good catch you are. All the best of luck to you.

I hope she's cool with your "chick" friends and you guys still can come up and visit me for a day trip . . .

Good luck in NZ with the work thingo - they have some awesome restaurants and day trips if your free on the weekends.

Loved Milford Sound (divine - def. recommend a cruise up the Fjord - amazing - waterfalls that water soak the boat, dolphins, seals and penguins). Also loved the Fox Glacia. And in the towns there are museums with so much wonderful history on the Maoris - especially like their tatoos and Jade. You know you can't buy Jade for yourself - it must always be given as a gift.

Maybe your lady could send the kids to her folks and fly over for a weekend (if cheap flights)?? Gotta love spontaneity!!

Okay catch you later.

Luv Glitter xo

Posted by: glitteringblue at November 12, 2009 6:15 PM

Hi Alove, unfortunately the trip to NZ is for work and I think it'll be pretty full on work wise so not much play time is expected.

I'll drop by from time to time to see what's happening here in blogland.

Adios amigos.

Icy

Posted by: icycle67 at November 11, 2009 9:45 PM

Hope it all goes amazingly Icy,
Good Luck

Posted by: amberlightrose at November 11, 2009 9:35 PM

Hey icy

Mate i'm stoked for you..!:)
I've been busy myself so haven't been around much lately but popped in to wish you well. Really hope things work out for you..

PS:You do know we'll need a report around a months time!!!!

Have a good one :)))

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at November 11, 2009 7:17 PM

Hey Icy

Glad to hear the 100th was great, great news that RSVP has been good for you, we do of course expect that you come back now and again and let us know how it all is (as per Virgo and Mr Spesh). Have a great holiday in NZ! Alove

Posted by: aloveoflife at November 11, 2009 6:57 PM

Hey Maybe, You don't need any makeovers, you just need a decent pic. You have fabulous eyes and a great face, but not staring full time into a camera lens. Maybe have a pic of you doing something looking at something else. I don't know, I take an awful pic also.

You don't need to change anything to suit another person, you look great, albeit a little scary in that pic, but that will be okay now.

You obviously also have a great sense of humour which has to be a massive plus in your favour. You would be surprised how many people just don't have any sense of humour at all. dreary dreary people.

Posted by: iaminperth at November 11, 2009 5:35 PM

Hi Folks.

Been off blog a while. Too busy with life. So here's a quick update.

My Gran's 100th - a great weekend was had catching up with family.

Work has been busy.....and off to New Zealand for 2 weeks as of next week.

A first date from about a month ago has progressed very nicely. I sent the kiss but I found out that she had me saved as a favourite.......definite chemistry happening....all very exciting. As such, I'm dropping the profile back to inactive. :-) Yay.

And finally, 2 weeks away right now is going to be really hard when I just want to be here.

So, for everyone waiting to find someone, hang in there. You never know what's going to happen just around the corner.

Adieu. Icy.

Posted by: icycle67 at November 11, 2009 4:44 PM

LMAO Perthy.... psycho gnome.. hmmmm but omg u have me laughing.. ok photo gone.. will put new one up after body revamp! I had photos up of me doing various things but a male friend said the Halloween one looked scary, the kayaking one I looked butch, the Melb Cup one I looked drunk... guess I dont' take a good pic arrrrr

Ahhh sweetenuf... I think the latter, and I"m with you xo

Ok back to the books for psycho gnome hehehe oh that's made my day xo

Still no Virgo??????? Must have been some date ;)

Posted by: maybeperfect4u at November 11, 2009 11:45 AM

Posted by: maybeperfect4u at November 9, 2009 8:31 PM

Sounds ok to me maybe..in the beginning i kissed quite a lot..probably got a positive response from maybe 1 in 10?? So i would easily have had more than a 100 in my time.

Dont kiss many these days...not sure if thats a reflection of being selective or disillusioned :)

Posted by: sweetenuff67 at November 11, 2009 10:34 AM

Hey Maybe, You sound like a terrific person, active and knowledgeable and a ton of fun but your photo is awful !! Get rid of it......Now. You sort of look like a psycho gnome about to pounce intent on chewing your victims eyes out ! Well not quite but really get rid of that pic, it is not good.

Your face is getting scrunched up when you push your arms forward like that and it sort of looks threatening. Pic has to go my friend as it is obvious you don't look like that at all and I am sure you are not a psycho gnome.

Posted by: iaminperth at November 11, 2009 9:21 AM

What !!! a hundred knockbacks. What are you doing, that can't be right.

There are heaps of nice guys around. Who are you sending these things to. What are you doing, I have to know.

Posted by: iaminperth at November 11, 2009 12:02 AM

Maybe, I now pronounce you "RSVP's champion kisser", 100 - lordy girl! Must be getting closer to the real deal.

What rain??? A shower here and there, bring down the real stuff!!!

Oh, we were having NYE under the Eiffel Tower but I'm not that fond of 30,000 people crammed together, found the cruise where we can see all the fireworks from everywhere and all the buildings lit up. 6 weeks from tomorrow........

Posted by: aloveoflife at November 9, 2009 11:39 PM

Thanks Alov.

Wow NYE on the Seine... jealousy has turned greeeeeen!

I've just clocked up (over the past year and a bit) my 100th Thanks but no thanks to kisses I've sent out........ I think that deserves some kind of award!!! and revision of myself!!

LOVING the Brissy rain xo

Posted by: maybeperfect4u at November 9, 2009 8:31 PM

Blog Idea is under Customer Support! Wah lah!!

Posted by: aloveoflife at November 9, 2009 6:43 PM

Got a message from Virgo this morning! She's well, I'm sure she'll be back soon to tell you all the goss, my lips are sealed!

Her daughter's wedding was yesterday and Mr Spesh flew into Melbourne in the early hours this morning.

Maybe, I think I should have said smack bang in the middle of everything we want to do this trip! Oh and we're doing the Seine cruise on New Years Eve!

Posted by: aloveoflife at November 9, 2009 6:42 PM

Can someone point me to the 'blog idea' thread... can't seem to find it.... kinda like my dating skills at the moment ;)

Can't wait to hear all about your Parisian Adventures Alove...

Waiting to hear from Virgo... has she surfaced yet? Or is the Sat night date stilllll going ;)

Posted by: maybeperfect4u at November 9, 2009 1:37 PM

Central heating in Europe doesn't always mean it's warm! especially Paris. Some of the hotels there are absolutely beautiful with a rich history but b..... freezing in the winter. Their idea of warm is a little different to ours at times.

I have been munching on dark chocolate covered coffee beans. Seriously yuuuuuuummmmmmm!

Posted by: iaminperth at November 8, 2009 11:10 PM

oh Alove there is no central Paris.. it's allll spread out over miles and miles and miles and miles and miles and miles and miles....... designed to help work off those pastries, breads, cheeses, wines, champagnes... hmm maybe I should just come with and act as your guide.

A definite must is a cruise down the River Seine on sunset... pure magic.

Oh I could rabbit on for hours... LOVED Paris. I was really fortunate to visie Reims too and the Veuve Clicquot winery..... ahhh the memories........

Have a great week all, exams here for me :(

Posted by: maybeperfect4u at November 8, 2009 10:04 PM

I had a lovely time in Paris over an april weekend in 2000. but the most amazing thing was, while walking along between the Louvre towards place de la Concorde, I saw across the walk ways a woman I recognised! We waved at each other incredulous!! There was someone who along with myself was part of our High School P & C !! LOL! She was just over from London for the weekend, being with her husband and sons for a short time and I was on holiday, both of us away from Canberra . The world is shrinking, so where ever you happen to be.. don't discount seeing someone you know :)

Posted by: aquamanda56 at November 8, 2009 9:49 PM

OMG!! Laduree on rue Royale is in the 8th arrondissement - I'm staying in 7th - a bit too close for comfort!! Just as well we are doing a lot of walking, just about smack bang in the middle of Paris, only 1klm to the Eiffel Tower et al. Paris Breakfasts newsletters have been full of macaroons of late as well as the chocolate fairs...before I go I hope to see the wine newsletters then I'm all set!!

Posted by: aloveoflife at November 8, 2009 5:51 PM

Whatever you do, don't forget to visit Laduree on rue Royale. Heaven on a stick! I had half a box of their macaroons for breakfast one morning, much to my (health nut) then-husband's horror :-)

Posted by: aphelion68 at November 8, 2009 4:29 PM

I have been enjoying the blogs and weekly emails of The Daily Connoisseur and Paris Breakfasts, the first one gives you the best of living your best life and she's spent a lot of time in France however Paris Breakfasts would do in anyone's diet. Have a squiz!

Posted by: aloveoflife at November 8, 2009 3:54 PM

Oh Perth you make me laugh, you are such a foodie, it's sounding like you have food envy!! You have been very good with your healthy eating for too long. I will have a macaroon for you! Sadly I'm a decaf girl, I'm sensitive to caffeine so will have to just enjoy the aroma of the coffee.

Yes layering is the way to go in Paris, everywhere has central heating so I do have thermal vests, some lightweight wool jumpers, jeans, my boots, coat and pashmina's that I can wear around my neck, I also have my red leather gloves!

Posted by: aloveoflife at November 8, 2009 3:52 PM

Rather than lots of jumpers, a couple of pure wool with a couple of really good scarves. and some thermal undies. They're nice and warm and not half as bulky, then if you get too hot you can take off your coat. shove the thermal in your bag, drape the coat casually across your arm and let the scarf do whatever it has to do. If you go into your restaurant, coat and bag go on the seat and scarf happily drapes over the top. voila all done, looking gorgeous girl !!!!! Be prepared like a boy scout, or a girl guide maybe.

Posted by: iaminperth at November 7, 2009 9:37 PM

mmm 7 deg. in Paris. Woollen coat, woollen jumper and a scarf. Sometimes the scarf to pull up near your face if it gets windy or drape over your head if it becomes a bit drizzly, Get some gloves as well, as your hands will get cold. Woollen ones if possible, just plain. Get really smart with your scarf, get a good one, it's amazing what you can do with it. Rather than doing a really good impersonation of Humphrey
Bear walking around rugged up like mad, a woollen jumper and a good scarf is the go. Don't forget the gloves, very tres chic. Wonderful hot coffee and pastries helps also. I don't mind the cofee in Paris, they actually serve it hot and strong, much better than here once you get used to it. Bit like the wines, a bit tart to start off with but when you get used to them. Then of course, there are the beautiful chocolates from Switzerland, available just about everywhere and the amazing little truffles. And then the beautiful boiled lollies with the soft centres that are pretty yum to munch on, and of course, there are the cakes, the cakes and more cakes. Oh well. Maybe walk instead of catching public transport and cabs and don't engage the street fighters. They are serious. Nice people, great fun, but they are serious. Oh, forgot the cheeses, especially the goat cheeses from the mountains and those little crackly biscuit things they serve with them and maybe a drop of two, or twenty two of red. Maybe with the strawberries dipped in rich chocolate which alway taste better in cold countries. Oh dear, keep walking and just have a ball, lots of fun.

Posted by: iaminperth at November 7, 2009 9:30 PM

Hey Maybe, I haven't been before but will be staying in the heart of Paris, I've bought some great flattish leather boots as the weather gets to a top of 7 during the day, lots of jumpers and a good coat required!

Posted by: aloveoflife at November 7, 2009 2:40 PM

Alove.. Paree... I'm sooo jealous. What a gorgeous place to visit... have you been before? If not, my tip is take good walking shoes!!!

Posted by: maybeperfect4u at November 7, 2009 10:42 AM

Ta Ali, 2 glasses of red tonight, quick read of the blogs and then an early night. Very quiet weekends now for the next 6, getting so close now to Paris, have a lovely weekend all, Alove x

Posted by: aloveoflife at November 6, 2009 11:02 PM

Special kiss right back to you lovely Virgo, all the way to the moon, all around the stars and into the milky way, be happy Honey, Alove x

Posted by: aloveoflife at November 6, 2009 11:00 PM

All our fingers and toes will be crossed for you lovely Virgo.
Have a brilliant day!
@-}--}-------
xo

Posted by: ali1974 at November 6, 2009 8:17 PM

Hi Kurli
*mwah*, not a prob, just got a little confused and didn't know what I'd done...ah well all good.

Alove, time for a drink...it's friday night. good luck with the match making :-)

Ali
xo

Posted by: ali1974 at November 6, 2009 8:14 PM

oooooooo Kurli.. give us goss .....

Virgo.... can't wait for the full report on both the wedding and the date. Go blue.. it'll bring out ur gorgeous eyes.

So Icy, how'd the reunion go? Nan get her letter from the Queen?

Loving the cooler weather here in Brissy today.

I'm being 'looked after'... sat down to get into some study and parcel lady arrived and dropped off a box of V energy shots!!!

Have great weekend all xo

Posted by: maybeperfect4u at November 6, 2009 11:06 AM

Blue!
I hope it goes wonderfully. Have a lovely time and take the time to enjoy it. On the day, there's no point worrying anymore. Have fun and I hope Jodie does too.
love Tx

Posted by: willow29 at November 6, 2009 10:56 AM

alove----
We NEED to get sweet Virgo "organised" first!
miz Kurli isn't doing too badly (smiles to herself)

Posted by: kurli at November 6, 2009 5:43 AM

Thanks you beautiful friends...

I've got two dresses Perth, one is black, and the other colbalt blue...Jodie has given her approval to both, so I'm not sure which one at this stage....!!

I know every mum thinks their daughter looks absolutely stunning on their Wedding Day...but Jodie truly looks like a Princess Bride....I'm so proud of her...!

After the reception, I'm going to the airport to meet Mr. Spesh when he flies in...we're going to spend a few days together...so I'll probably be a bit quiet on here....keep your fingers crossed for me guys..:))))

Love Virgo...xoxo

Special kiss to my Alove...xoxo

Posted by: virgowoman2 at November 5, 2009 11:21 PM

Best wishes Virgo. I hope the wedding, reception and your date go brilliantly.

Cheers

Icy

Posted by: icycle67 at November 5, 2009 9:36 PM

Virgo, I have to ask what you are wearing or the 'big' day? What colour is your outfit.
And more importantly, where are you going after the reception ? Come clean now, we want all the goss.

Posted by: iaminperth at November 5, 2009 9:35 PM

FG, keep your fingers and everything crossed for your Mum, if we don't hear from her for a little while shall we send out a search party or look for the lovely blonde with a big grin on her face?? Aunty Alove x

Posted by: aloveoflife at November 5, 2009 8:25 PM

My darling friend Virgo, enjoy the wedding and your girls night on Saturday nite, hope you've got enough champers ;-) Moet, Yellow, et al......... as for the rest you know what I think Lovely, you don't need luck, you are wonderful and he's just going to love you!

Miss Swish Kurli, you're next - Maybe!!! Where is that matchmaker!!

Posted by: aloveoflife at November 5, 2009 8:23 PM

Hey Lizzie,

I really hope this guy is what you want....you are a very special person; and deserve the ultimate in happiness. You be yourself, and luck wont be a consideration:)))

Bob

Posted by: simplegame at November 5, 2009 5:30 PM

ooooooooo Virgo... u can't leave us hanging like that.. details of that 'special someone'?????????? Come on let us lovelorn live vicariously ;)

Posted by: maybeperfect4u at November 5, 2009 5:26 PM

Mum, haven't you had enough champagne already..!!!!! forgiven this time cause it's a very special night for you both:)))

wish you luck...!

love ya:)!

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at November 5, 2009 1:15 PM

Apologies Ali1974..I actually meant someone else.

Virgo: may Jodie's big day and your date be perfect for both of you.

Alove..if Maybe's step dad has any sense he'll head for the hills!

Posted by: kurli at November 5, 2009 12:31 PM

Alove....

Yep, the final countdown is well and truly on, I'm spending the night before the wedding with Jodie, we'll have a couple of glasses of spesh champagne that I have been saving for this night...then the big day...!!

It's going to be a fantastic day for me in more ways than one...after the reception, I'm meeting a very special person, that has bought a smile to my face...wish me luck...!

Love Virgo...xoxoxo

Posted by: virgowoman2 at November 5, 2009 9:59 AM

Woops, Ali - I wanted to be involved with the matchmaking of Kurli and your step-dad but it was Maybe's step-dad. Hadn't even had a drink!! Sorry Lovelies.

Sooooo, 2nd try - Maybe you little matchmaker, let me know how it goes, maybe we could chaperone them to the theatre!! Our Kurli does look a bit swish in her photos! ;-)

Virgo, big count down on now for the wedding, I can't wait to see the photos, I hope you have a ball, it's going to be a fantastic weekend for you - your family is expanding further. Alove x

Posted by: aloveoflife at November 4, 2009 11:19 PM

Thanks aquamanda56 :)

there goes my chances with your daughter then...... we would fight like brother and sister!!

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at November 4, 2009 8:54 PM

Maybe
Like you I had a great day......only trouble is my friends have banned me from next year's Sweepstake VBG.....I had tickets for the winner AND second place! lol

Posted by: kurli at November 4, 2009 7:50 PM

Hi All,

Not dead yet....just seems like it is all.

My Melbourne Cup day was a blast....mates place for dinner with him and his wife on Monday, 9am Tuesday....first drinks....backed a "special"....saw him being overtaken in the straight by a little old lady with a walking frame....I expect he will be a can of Pal next week:)))

Walked out of the club...and into a heat-wall....37C, and humid....train into Sydney, meet some mates in the pub for a "few", ran into a couple of people I haven't seen in 3 years......and got home at 6am this morning....have to love the quite life as a senior citizen!!!:))

Anyway, reading the blogs on relationships and gotta say, I dont get it that any topic of conversation with your date is off the cards. I like women to tell me their story...anything they want.....its actually a part of who they are and how they got there. Same with "what we want"....when you meet that someone special, there are no barriers to you for that person...age, habits, etc among other things, is irrelevant...inner beauty outshines everything.

Bob

Posted by: simplegame at November 4, 2009 7:16 PM

kurli, I'm confused...I don't understand your reference to me?

Posted by: ali1974 at November 4, 2009 6:44 PM

Thanks Virgo, Melvin is a Birman...sacred cat of Burma...I think plays the part ;)

FG....nice profile, you look remarkably like my son.my daughter made a fascinating fascinator to go to her Cup festivities......looking forward to the pics of her all "frocked" up at the races!

Posted by: aquamanda56 at November 4, 2009 5:55 PM

Kurli.. it's a date when my exams are over.

How was everyone's Melbourne Cup? Mine was brilllllllllliant.. not a win all day but boy did I have fun.. haven't laughed or chatted that long or hard in a long time. Fun, Friends and Fascinators... (And hollywood tape!).. fantastic!!!

How was yours?

Posted by: maybeperfect4u at November 3, 2009 11:48 PM

Great posts Isidore and fantastic attitude, good luck for future dates!

Posted by: aloveoflife at November 3, 2009 9:03 PM

Hi Folks

Thanks for all the feedback guys...I guess i'm just trying to put a few ideas out there as respectfully and as honestly as I can. Its a challenge sometimes.....

And the 120 too old for me comment? I leave that there as a reminder to myself to not get too caught up in age ;)

Oh and as for my comments about older partners? Coincidentally I had a date from RSVP with a woman 'a few' years older than me just a few hours ago...suffice it to say I found her full of life, very attractive and someone i'd like to see again......she was one of those people I spoke about...the kind of person infused with life.

...now whether she wants to see me again is another thing altogether of course! ;)

Not to worry Isidore...where theres life theres 'Hope' ;)

Posted by: isidore at November 3, 2009 8:10 PM

Welcome back Aliane. I knew you couldnt resist us ;)

Posted by: willow29 at November 3, 2009 4:31 PM

Does not true Woodnwine, not all women are stuck in 80's if you meet me you may change your views towards women's, I'm the living proof of 2009 a model of current millennium era !
Aliane

Posted by: cattleyaorchids at November 3, 2009 2:11 PM

Hi Aqua....

I love Melvin...what an exquisite looking cat..:)

Virgo...:)

Posted by: virgowoman2 at November 3, 2009 1:41 PM

Hey Isidore....

I just noticed on your profile, that the preferred age range of your ideal partner extends to 120....judging by what I've read about you, I think that may be just a tad too old for you...:))))

Virgo...:)

Have a great Melbourne Cup Day everyone...xoxo

Posted by: virgowoman2 at November 3, 2009 12:46 PM

Well said isidore.
I also meet women my age but although most are very nice people they are rarely current with fashion, music, attitudes etc. Many are stuck in the 80s for some reason.

Posted by: woodnwine at November 3, 2009 11:22 AM

where is Oney...??
I miss her opinions....if anyone sees her pass on a 'hi' from me...

Posted by: ali1974 at November 3, 2009 10:00 AM

Interesting post Isadore. I think for some people it is quite confronting to look at themselves...I mean Really look hard at themselves... many choose to ignore what they see.

On a lighter note...It is a beautiful day ! I've been for a walk early this morning, fed the swan family at the lake...those baby swans have grown so much in the last 2 months, they are now getting their feathers and look all scruffy and gawky but still make baby peeping noises.

Now I must do a little bit of work before the fun of the Cup....have a fantastic and lucky day everyone :)

Posted by: aquamanda56 at November 3, 2009 9:11 AM

Isadore I tried blogging to commend you on your post re relationship being a privilege...

Your more recent post shows even more depth of understanding,You and FG will certainly help both the gals and the guys with your great perspective on Life and relationships.
Please keep posting.!

Maybe: .is that WHY you keep checking me out...for your step dad!! (Matchmakers Inc.) hehe.
Good luck with your exams....we'll have that coffee when they're over.

Me! Swish!Alove....shorts & tees are my preferred option but this ol' lady thanks you for your kindness .

Ali/Cattleya :be like me, and drift in & out as the spirit takes you.....just try not to be hurtful...there is more than enough of that in the world without you & I adding to it.

Have a good day everyone.I need complete my chapeau for today's Breast cancer Fund raiser lunch.
Ciao everyone!

Posted by: kurli at November 3, 2009 8:18 AM

Isidore... I have to congratulate you again on a great post. You are absolutely spot on, again! I married someone 7 years younger than myself and now... 20 years on... he looks older than me!! It is all about attitude and taking care of yourself. My ex has 'let himself go' and looks much older than he should!

Posted by: karen59 at November 3, 2009 1:00 AM

Isodore.. so very very very true, and hence my own journey of self discovery and 'renovations' this year.

16 more sleeps til exams are over.. four more to go..... and then it' is partayyyyy time.. well as partyish as I get.. which means having some fun, letting my hair down, dating and enjoying life and catching up on all the little things I've missed out on the past few months.. namely my 'green baby' out on the open waters!! And a social life and ..... oh the list is endless...... I LURVE SUMMER!

Posted by: maybeperfect4u at November 2, 2009 11:00 PM

It's so true Isadore. I think age, more than any other time in history is just a number. I can't believe how people so much younger than me behave. They are just wishing their lives away. I wish it was Friday, I wish I didn't have to work, I wish I didn't have a headache, I wish my bones didn't ache. Well, they probably wouldn't if you got up off your butt and did something with your life. I just can't believe how lazy some people are today and guys around my age are usually a disaster. Same with some women. I work with all ages, and some are a 100 years old before they even begin. And talk about obesity. Oh my knees, my back and everything else, well yes, that happens when you are huge and the joints don't cope. What is wrong with people nowadays, why don't they get off their butts and get a life. Doesn't matter whether it's on your own or not, it's a life and if you make that a good life, then chances are you will attract someone nice.

Posted by: iaminperth at November 2, 2009 10:32 PM

Isidore..your post was good to read...certainly food for thought...thank you for sharing.

FG i think you generalise by saying "most men" or perhaps you are right and "most of those men" are not here on rsvp...the gems are few and far between...and i dont mean that in a sarcastic resentful way...just based on my experience.

But it's the gems that keep the ladies on here :)

Posted by: sweetenuff67 at November 2, 2009 10:32 PM

Hiya Virgo.... i suspect you are grinning just a little at the thought of your daughter not remembering her hens night? You wouldnt have had anything to do with that i'm sure!

Glad you had a great night... i wonder if the town has recovered...*scratching head, ponders slightly:)... All the best for the wedding weekend, you will make a spectacular monther of the bride :)

'Belle

Posted by: glitterbelle at November 2, 2009 10:29 PM

Isidore...

Compliments to you on the way you write, and how you express your thoughts with such consideration for others...:)

Virgo...:)

Posted by: virgowoman2 at November 2, 2009 10:24 PM

Where is Oney by the way.....whatcha doing my extenshun girlfriend....:))))

Luv Virgo...xoxoxo

P.S. I had a lychee martini the other night...yummo....!!!

Posted by: virgowoman2 at November 2, 2009 10:20 PM

Awww, come on Happy, You know you are not going to run away forever. Just blog as yourself, who you are, whoever you are. You sound like a great fun person and you could give yourself a strange name, just don't keep changing the darned thing. We'[re happy for you to be Happy and keep blogging, you are a lot of fun.

Posted by: iaminperth at November 2, 2009 10:13 PM

and Isidore I can hear the kitchen draw open at Oney's house reaching in for the carving knife...!!

:)

Posted by: feelgood76 at November 2, 2009 10:10 PM

isidore good post dude!

thats how i see it too. I have dated older woman 7 years older and woman 8 years yonger but have found i like chicks my own age. (Give and take a few either side) I will admit that i'm not as in shape as i was say 5 years ago but i do still keep active and would like a partner that shared my interest.

I've been with some really pretty girls but on the inside dead as a rusty nail on a shithouse door!

My point; what most men really want is inner beauty.

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at November 2, 2009 10:04 PM

I agree with Belle. Isidore, that was an inspiring post.

Posted by: willow29 at November 2, 2009 9:52 PM

You are on a roll Isidore , thankyou for your posts - You have given me something to think about :)

'Belle

Posted by: glitterbelle at November 2, 2009 9:36 PM

Bye Bye for now then Kick :)

'Belle

Posted by: glitterbelle at November 2, 2009 9:33 PM

Ali you little matchmaker, let me know how it goes, maybe we could chaperone them to the theatre!! Our Kurli does look a bit swish in her photos! ;-)

Virgo, you forgot to mention the dodgy ear, the parted hair - don't worry Aunty Alove will babysit happily!!! I won't teach her any rude words - yet........ ;-)

Aliane, all we can wish for in life is to be happy, and I do wish you happiness. Just be you...and be happy. x

Posted by: aloveoflife at November 2, 2009 9:29 PM

Hi Folks

Many of us often seem to get a little..and a lot.. caught up on 'age'.
Seems the guys are getting paid out on a little here.....i'm quite sure 'some' of it may be justified ;)

I think its too simplistic to generalise as we are all such complicated creatures...

But heres my take;
It does often get down to 'values' and chemistry and energy.

I have had a long term relationship with a woman 16 years older (so ladies i'm qualified to walk the talk ok;) than me....some years ago i might add. I was 30 and in pretty good nic if I must say so myself ;)....but then so was she!
The relationship lasted a number of years. We are still good friends. She meant the world to me.
If you'd said that i'd go out with a woman that much older than myself before then I would have laughed!

But I did. She was wonderful.

But...its not quite that simple.

Now im mid 40's and although I am much much more open to age possibilities these days I do find a great percentage of women in my age bracket are much, much older in 'attitude' and outlook (note not necessarily 'maturity'...although i'm sure that could be debated) and many just do not look after themselves 'anymore'..or ever did...like for example...someone like myself does.

Now that doesnt mean i'm out and about looking for young girls...thats not my scene. I don't deliberately set out to attract or seek an 'age group'

It does mean though that although I meet some really interesting women on RSVP, I find many of them, with all due respect, 'old'...some appear a little worn down by life, some look more like my mother and dress like my grandmother! (no chemistry possible there..and no Tasmanian jokes please;) and so many are just so 'serious' and ..well...not anywhere where I am 'at'...wherever that is!

My point?

I think 'some' women forget about what a lot of men (and women too!) really want. Sure some want eternal 21 year olds. Lets not count those guys huh?

'For me' I want someone 'alive' someone who gives a damn about their body and mind and spirit.
If thats 30 so be it. If its 45 so be it.

Its not about age. Its attitude. Its values. Its lifestyle. Its passion.

I find a lot of us sit back and criticise others for their relationship choices.

If you are in your 40's (or whatever age) and wondering why guys or gals are passing you up, or you are not attracting the partner you want....

Take a good look at yourself. Are you interesting? Are you active in mind/body/spirit? Do you send out an energy thats passionate about life...or one that is critical and resentful and complaining?

Theres no easy answers here. But many of us in the 40's are great on excuses.

Oh...and that woman I was talking about? What exactly did attract me to her?
She was independent, attractive, ageless in mind and she captivated me.... with her passion and zest for life and her horses.

Many of us lose that....so many of us get real old real quick and wonder why we aren't 'on the menu' or on the radars of those in our age brackets.

The advent of the 'cougar' is seeing the same thing.
I see a lot of profiles wanting younger guys...alas i'm not in the frame..too old for them ha ha!

What does a woman do who is mid 40's (or any age for that matter) who looks after herself, is healthy, clean and passionate about life do?
I'm guessing she doesnt look out for that slob of a 'bloke' who has a beer gut, bad teeth and no energy who is in her age bracket!

Age does come into the equation most of the time...but not always.

There are always exceptions.

But i'll say it again, take a look at yourself. What/who is it you want to attract and would they be interested in you?

Posted by: isidore at November 2, 2009 9:02 PM

Alove.....

Poopy wasn't given the roll as flower-baby....think it might have had something to do with her weight gain (chicken drumstick legs)...her swivelling head...not to mention she's still hissing...and now she rocks back and forward....she's starting to sound like a dodgey grand daughter isn't she....but I personally think she would have made a beautiful flower-baby....:))))))

Luv Virgo...xoxo

Posted by: virgowoman2 at November 2, 2009 8:58 PM

C'mon Cattle, you dont want to go anymore than we want you to, except of course you leave for very happy reasons.

I was annoyed with you because I felt you crossed the line. You know Ive never had a cross word to say to you, or to anyone else.

Most of us enjoy the diversity of your postings.

Posted by: willow29 at November 2, 2009 8:34 PM

Aliane....

Look after yourself.....good luck...!

Virgo...:)

Posted by: virgowoman2 at November 2, 2009 8:34 PM

Aliane is Happy!, Surely she'll shield more happiness if talked to male colleague and ignore the rest. She'll thinking of that.

Posted by: cattleyaorchids at November 2, 2009 8:23 PM

Hey Virgo, greta to read the hen's went off, have a brilliant time at the wedding!!!
Ali
xoxo

Posted by: ali1974 at November 2, 2009 8:16 PM

Aphelion, sounds like a great afternoon! Save yourself on the cryptics, otherwise you'll do your own head in!
Maybe, how many more exams to go?

Posted by: ali1974 at November 2, 2009 8:12 PM

Hey OrdinaryFellow, agree with Karen in that these people are all about blaming someone else for their own misfortune. Consider it a 'red flag' which the family here has been teaching me about and RUN!!!
If they're like that on the first date, imagine what you'll be hearing by the 4th....? eeesh!

Posted by: ali1974 at November 2, 2009 8:10 PM

Kurli, I like your profile and your recent October photo is just gorgeous. I see your postcode is identical to mine. We should catch up for a coffee when my exams are over. My step dad is coming for a visit in mid December.. he's 67 and single..........

:) xo

Posted by: maybeperfect4u at November 2, 2009 7:54 PM

You are a good nephew FG, just be kind to your Mum she had a big weekend! Had my dummy spit - over it!!

Virgo, you wild woman, sounds like a great time, next weekend will be fantastic. I can't wait to see the photos, is Poopy a flowerbaby?

Ali, I laughed myself hoarse over both Busting Out and Puppetry, I do look forward to seeing the Vagina Monologues, will watch out for it. The Crucible - Granny, may I call you that you lovely inspiration? I haven't seen it, but yes I would be up for a bloggers theatre group, also like going to Palace Centro for pretty decent movies. Must wait until after New Year though as all my pennies are going into this fast approaching trip.

Good luck all for Melbourne Cup if you are making a little bet or in a sweep, I have a work lunch which will be nice! Alove x

Posted by: aloveoflife at November 2, 2009 6:29 PM

Isidore....

So well said...it is a privilege, not a right..and should be treated with respect....!

Perth....

Isn't it great the way young girls can handle themselves so well...!

Willow....

6 days to go before the Big Day....I'm already getting emotional when I'm with Jodie....!

Maybe....

Have a great day at the Trots, and I hope your dress looks...ooh la la.....!

Luv Virgo...xoxo

Posted by: virgowoman2 at November 2, 2009 6:22 PM

Willow... auf wiedersehen
Perth... arrivederci
Belle.... adios
FG... Sayonara
Aphelion.... paalam
and others... goodbye

Posted by: cattleyaorchids at November 2, 2009 6:20 PM

Hi Perthy

I really don't know why older blokes think they are going to attract such younger good looking woman..? I see it happen quite often and ask them later when they get knocked back... "when you were 20 did you go up to 45 year olds and 'hit' on them"

No they say.., I then tell them, Well,, what did you expect...

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at November 2, 2009 4:28 PM

LOL, they know how to handle themselves nowadays, Perth. I can imagine the giggling afterwards!

Posted by: willow29 at November 2, 2009 4:03 PM

Well said ISIDORE... I agree totally.

Kurli that's a great idea :) I LOVE the theatre.

Ahhh Perthy... hilarious... love it.. good to know your daughter can put the perverts in their place.

Aphelion... being happy with who you are and where you are (relationship wise) brings the balance that keeps a smile on our dials I believe. Can't wait til exams are over and I can get outside again.. first the green baby.. my kayak gets a workout, then the hiking boots.. .. mental note, check for spiders!!

what an absolutely glorious day here in Brissy. What's everyone doing for the big race tomorrow?

Me, I'm getting all frocked up and hitting the local Trots who have live racing before the big televised event.... rather looking forward to a day off to just 'play' in my prerrrty little outfit!!!

Whatever you're doing, have fun.

Posted by: maybeperfect4u at November 2, 2009 3:39 PM

It IS all very cryptic. Cattle, why don't you just spit it out and put us out of our misery?

Aphelion, sounds like a lovely hike. Nice to take time and smell the eucalypts :)

Isadore, I agree completely, a relationship is not a 'right". Nice post.

Virgo, looks as if you all had a blast :) I bet you're as excited about the wedding as she is!

Posted by: willow29 at November 2, 2009 12:04 PM

One of the other girls, a blue eyed natural platinum blonde and one of the prettiest girls I have ever seen quite often gets 'hit on' as she puts it by 'old wrinklies', meaning anything 45 onwards!!!!

Anyway, they ask her if anyone has ever told her she is the most beautiful girl they have ever seen. Her reply is, of course they have, it's pretty obvious isn't it!

If that doesn't get rid of them she then says, she knows she is absolutely stunning so why would she be interested in a wrinkled old fart like them.

All this with a straight face and looking straight in the eyes. Of course, then there has to be the mad giggling session afterwards, the runny eyes and the racing off the loo. These private school girls are a worry at times, lol.

Posted by: iaminperth at November 2, 2009 11:58 AM

I have to tell you a funny story. My daughter went to a halloween party with her friend she has known since junior school. They hang out together quite often. This was at her friends workplace.

Towards the end of the evening his boss came up and asked her out. She declined and said no thank you. He persisted and pointed to his car parked outside, describing it as a great set of wheels. She pointed outside also to show him her great set of wheels outside, with her mum driving it, ha ha!!! I was picking them up afterwards and they jumped in the car and waved madly as we drove away.

This guy is 48 years old and my daughter is 19. I had intructions 'go go go mum' so we sped away and then the two of them laughed themselves silly all the way home.

Posted by: iaminperth at November 2, 2009 11:52 AM

Hey, but Aliane is Happy and Happy is a very naughty boy and sometimes that boy goes a little too far but all is forgiven. There were never any hard feelings. This is a blog, it's not personal for me at all.

Posted by: iaminperth at November 2, 2009 11:45 AM

Great post Isidore! :)

Posted by: karen59 at November 2, 2009 10:51 AM

Ordinary guy... it is not just women who bitch about the ex... trust me, I have had to sit through the same! For me, it is an absolute turn off... means they have learnt very little from the experience and have not recognized the part they have played in the relationship downfall. I just say.. 'NEXT!' Part of the whole dating game unfortunately!

Posted by: karen59 at November 2, 2009 10:50 AM

Hi all, Aphelion checking in. Sounds like you have all been busily working on cryptic crosswords - wtf indeed!

I've just had the loveliest day - got up very early this morning and went for a hike through the hills, about 8km. It occurred to me that I was actually having a very good time doing it as a single person - no rush, no pressure, no weirdly competitive behaviour. It was wonderful! It will be nice to one day have company again for this sort of thing but right now it's also nice to be having a breather.

Hope you've all had a lovely weekend!

:))

Posted by: aphelion68 at November 1, 2009 8:58 PM

Hi Folks

Thought i'd add a little bit here....as obvious as it may be ;)

One of the keys to the topic here 'for me' is that we 'all' should remember that a relationship with another person (as opposed to with yourself) is not a 'right'..

It is a 'privilege' to be in 'relationship' with someone else.

Too many of us put expectations (and they are often unsaid) on others to conform to our standards/timelines/values and demands regarding relationships.

Things change as we all know. Whats deemed 'casual' one day evolves...or devolves, depending on where you stand ;) to one partner wanting more...or less.

Relationships are rarely static..particularly 'casual' ones.

Thats the nature of a casual relationship.....its 'casual'...often but not always its because usually one, sometimes both, parties are not that much into each other to 'commit' to dare I say it..(the functional traditionalists will love this) a 'real' relationship ;)

The more I go through life the more I realise that anything and everything goes....pragmatically speaking its anything that works for you.

And hey, why not? Life is changing. People change. Often we are not mature enough, 'secure' enough, aware enough to identify 'patterns' of behaviour or relationships and continue to make the same mistakes with the same 'models' of relationships.

I know most of us on some level hope for 'Mr/Miss Right.

The 'facts' are we only ever have 'Right now' partners.

As evidenced by the fact that we are all here! ;)

So find what works I say and hopefully you find someone who works with you...no matter how long or short the relationship is.

As I say, its a 'privilege' to be in a relationship...not a right.

Imagine if most people remembered that?

Perhaps we might have something resembling a little more functionality in our world?

Yep we'd still get people breaking up, making up etc etc...but the energy/attitude behind it would be one of respect...not ownership.

Posted by: isidore at November 1, 2009 7:11 PM

Perth, I'm not trying to wind you. Kick is not he, it's aliane, it's me, game is over for me. No hard feelings still I admired your insightful post and your honesty. Thanks for being nice to me here, sometimes you stung me but it's ok! thou are dear to me (i meant it really God Knows from the bottom of my heart) ...

Posted by: cattleyaorchids at November 1, 2009 3:27 PM

Thanks FG, Thanks for the kiss -in, Yes I'm Kicknpick,. I'm just teasing you.

-------------------
Maybe & Ali....don't be confused have you heard the song "Battlefield" that was it. Read carefully the bloggers post, you will get the answers because of their guilt !...
Very deceiving really, Read Archived will help ! Also I haven't heard of Virgo for a while..perhaps she's confused too. Hi Virgo have you been accused being a "Wild Mum" ( independent successful blog) well you know the answers now. Miss your post !.

Posted by: cattleyaorchids at November 1, 2009 3:17 PM

Alove 4.59pm, Saturday:

Whilst you were blogging yesterday,I was enjoying "The Crucible" at QPAC Playhouse.
If you haven't seen it this time around,and you like GREAT theatre,go see it.
\Maybe we Brizzy people should organise a trip to the theatre sometime as a group activity......???

Posted by: kurli at November 1, 2009 1:08 PM

Hey Belle....

Went out on Jodie's (daughter) Hen's Night last night....Kazbah in South Yarra for a beautiful dinner....then a stretch Hummer picked us up...we were cruising around the City with sound system pumped up...drinking copious amounts of champagne, and having an absolute ball..then it was more drinks and dancing at a local nightspot....!!!

Jodie had a great time...don't know whether she'll remember most of it...but we have the pics to show her what we got up to...!!!

Now the countdown is on for the big day...woo hoo...!!!!

Luv Virgo...xoxo

Posted by: virgowoman2 at November 1, 2009 9:06 AM

Happy Halloween's to everyone !
Beware of spooky blogs.
Trust me on this.

Posted by: cattleyaorchids at November 1, 2009 5:04 AM

Kurli,... me puppet-meister? just to upset members ? Wrong they upset me. Careful of accusation it not nice ! My profile is up to let all know I'm no longer hiding myself. I blog long time ago before you came here although I must admit changed my blog name often due to one woman jealousy. Before you accused me why wont you read the archive then judged someone like me. If my profile is fake why not contact RSVP management to verify my authenticity. I want to be honest now... My previous name's Aliane, A-Z, many more, yep I'm Kick. and I'm real, I met one Bloggers name is Riversong! in Melbourne. Read the archive of her announcement!
Let me tell you, Someone revealed my name in the blog ( Secret Revelation Blog.) did I complained NO! I just ignored it. I mentioned the name in guessing to make sure he is that person. Bingo! I found it.
A woman who used different profile just to spy someone whose the ex -lover next affairs. She so friendly just to gather the information. I'm one of her victims. Her friendliness is deceiving sharing lovely emails, very outspoken, she would tell - she'll bring a largest bouquet of Flowers when you meet her, ect. ect.
but her intention is to spy her ex -lover whereabouts any information she can collect from them. ( read pray before making love blog would give you some idea !). So don't assumed all of us here are real. Very upsetting your comments indeed on CO2 ! don't you have a sense of humour lady? hey play nice and say nice thing !

Posted by: cattleyaorchids at November 1, 2009 4:24 AM

A question for you guys out there as you all seem a lot more experienced at dating than me. I have only been actively dating for the last 12 months after separating almost two years ago.

Why do my dates have the fixation with telling me about how nasty their ex is and all their dating horror stories? This is on the first date. I don't know about you guys, but I wanted to make sure my head space was correct before I started meeting new people. I'm not interested in dating these ladies ex's, it is them I am interested and I find it a massive turn off that they want to show me how nasty they themselves are by bitching about the ex.

Is this why all lot of you guys date multiple people at the same time. I still can't bring myself to do that.

Posted by: anordinaryfellow at November 1, 2009 1:20 AM

Alove was referring to a very famous and extremely funny threatre production called The Vagina Monologues. The show has been produced all over the world and I was lucky enough to see it in WA.

Posted by: iaminperth at October 31, 2009 8:20 PM

Alove, probably just trying to antagonise you and create a situation on the blogs here...attention seeking behaviour really and very unnecessary.
Have a brilliant weekend Alove and I'll now be keeping an eye out for some of the shows you and Perthy have been suggesting (I know they were showing in melb at one stage) and could do with a good laugh and night out.
xo

Posted by: ali1974 at October 31, 2009 6:19 PM

Relax Alove.. Your my Aunty and i know you're a super girl with the best intentions.. Don't loose sleep over it chicky :)

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at October 31, 2009 5:18 PM

Hi Kurli, you are right, it is just not nice, I don't believe I've come across the other bloggers names since I've been on here so I do hope they are ok and not upset.

Ali, Willow, Maybe and FG, if you guys are confused maybe you would like to change shoes with me, I have no idea why I keep appearing in its comments and wish it would move on. I was only keeping an eye out for theatre productions in Brisbane that Perthy has seen in WA - quite innocent really.

Posted by: aloveoflife at October 31, 2009 4:59 PM

Hi Ali.. that's how i see it.. If you decide to work through your relationship woes the relationship is given every chance to hold onto what first started out.

My motto is live with no regrets.... Not meaning i haven't done things i'm not regretful about, just means i've given my relationship every chance of succeeding, untill the time comes when there is no more chances,,,, hence my 'wake up' post afew weeks back.
Now if i see something worth chasing after (it can be whatever, Waves, chicks, career, anything) I'll step towards it in a positive manner and give it my best shot. That way i can live with no regrets ( not missing out on anything)

Oh and cattles .... Kicky babe will be missed. But i'm sure she is close by:) ......( again not missing out!)

Enjoy the rest of the weekend guys..

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at October 31, 2009 4:59 PM

Morning to all sorry for my double post.

Posted by: cattleyaorchids at October 31, 2009 10:15 AM

It appears that a puppet-meister has devised a profile to upset members..
As Willow commented it is "very poor form using real names on blogs" As for CO2...maybe "methane" is a better description.....it's poisonous, isnt it?

Posted by: kurli at October 31, 2009 10:09 AM

Thanks FG.
Hmmmmm *thinking music*......
if anyone is in an unhappy relationship then they (with their partner) should decide to either try to fix it or agree it's not working and move on with their lives. If you're feeling bad about yourself and life, then there's an issue and you can't (or more to the point - shouldn't) ignore it. Work on it, work it out and get back to feeling good about who you are.
If you both decide to try working through it, then you're not necessarily missing out, because you've obviously decided that there's something worth working for in the current situation. So technically, that opportunity doesn't really exist, because you've seen something more in your current realtionship.
And if by chance both parties decide to get out, then again, you're not really missing out because that opportunity remains to meet with that other someone you think might be better for you.
Then there's the other side of it, if someone is in a happy relationship they really shouldn't be looking for the next best thing. That's not fair on anyone (current partner and that someone else they found) it seems to send a message that they may always be looking for the next best thing, which really seems to indicate they're not happy within themselves.
Ali

Posted by: ali1974 at October 31, 2009 9:43 AM

Good luck with your exams Maybe !! the last little stretch i always find the hardest.... but you're nearly there :)

Hope all is well with the wedding Virgo... and that you are having sleep-ins this weekend !

'Belle

Posted by: glitterbelle at October 31, 2009 9:37 AM

Hey Feelgood.....how can you proved I am Kick?, Perth said Kick is he !, very intriguing really, Hmnnnnow you are guessing? or did you miss your kicky baby? Ohhh people loved the showbiz scope..:)
FG you have a great talent as translator..ok my next post will be more harder to read, so stand-by there to translate and thanks.
:)))

Posted by: cattleyaorchids at October 31, 2009 4:48 AM

Sorry Willow, How did I know the real name?, Not my intention I'm just only guessing, i got it only in a puzzled words. Anyway, no hard feelings he did it to me too, revealed my name without my consent. ( " secret of revelation blog ).

Posted by: cattleyaorchids at October 31, 2009 4:16 AM

It is very poor form to use people's real names on the blogs, if they haven't revealed them themselves.

Posted by: willow29 at October 30, 2009 9:21 PM

Well cattles i know what your on about.. (?)

Maybe , Ali.. i think what Kick is trying to say is ...., if your stuck in an unhappy relationship but have found someone else that you would like to spend time with ,,but can't because your in a relationship..... then you miss the opportunity and it slips past.... Missing that chance might have bought about regrets.

???????????? thats what i can make of it.

Got me Stuffed!!

Posted by: feelgood76 at October 30, 2009 9:20 PM

Maybe, i'm confused right alongside you!!!!

Posted by: ali1974 at October 30, 2009 8:17 PM

I"m confused!!!!!!!

Posted by: maybeperfect4u at October 30, 2009 1:20 PM

Willow, the last paragraph, there are some people live unreasonable circumstances and they feel, to free themselves from those constraints. Yes my heart ache for them. what a twist of fate, I can't think of any advice what's the best thing to do. When you found someone whom you want to live for the rest of your lives while stuck with other circumstances; really sad; I remained single to free myself from regrets on the day when I found someone I like to live with till day of my last breath. I keep my life open for that opportunities. When the great day comes to knock me on..an overwhelming shout on top of my voice .."this is it"....!

Posted by: cattleyaorchids at October 30, 2009 11:54 AM

Willow, WTF? I don't know in nice words means by that !, But I know in text msg. words means- :))

Posted by: cattleyaorchids at October 30, 2009 9:44 AM

Alove...you response at Perth comments " I'll keep an eye out Perth" (Pray before making love blog) - then you know what i'm talking about. It looks like " Love Triangle" triplet methink! My profile is up, some pioneers bloggers are still here, they recognised me. I'm positive of that.
My profile name is CattleyaOrchids, tooo long to type, you can call me .."CO2", means Carbon Oxide. :)

Posted by: cattleyaorchids at October 30, 2009 9:37 AM

Alove...you response at Perth comments " I'll keep an eye out Perth" (Pray before making love blog) - then you know what i'm talking about. It looks like " Love Triangle" triplet methink! My profile is up, some pioneers bloggers are still here, they recognised me. I'm positive of that.
My profile name is CattleyaOrchids, you can call me .."CO2", means Carbon Oxide. :)

Posted by: cattleyaorchids at October 30, 2009 9:31 AM

Cattleyaorchids, I don't know Decoratress and Renato (my apologies to you both), ummm are you trying to say you are Kick? It is best to be upfront and honest on the blogs, we all prefer it and there are nice people here, I hope you are happier as yourself blogging.

Posted by: aloveoflife at October 30, 2009 12:00 AM

Willow, it's a personal touche! from me to you!
Sometimes we have to compromise in order to help ourselves. There will be a time such a course of action in many circumstances will demand it, and will forced to by other unforeseen factors. Sometimes the outcome may even look like it goes against you. But It's all the test of time how we deal it. We all make mistake and regrets by the time we realised, we can correct it and learn a lesson to be aware in next phase of life. There is no such things being imprison of fate that snatch in defeat. Living in life are a huge challenge to move carefully and rise the victory. The world is huge that leads a new place. People unable to look at it, think their surrounding is a heaven stakes being stuck in it. Our natural state is abundance and it is only our mind that dwells on what has been. I believed we are born to be a winner it a matter how we deal it; to go or lost it. The soul knows what we need to experience in ultimate test.

Posted by: cattleyaorchids at October 29, 2009 11:50 PM

Orchid - WTF?

Posted by: willow29 at October 29, 2009 11:08 PM

Alove,...By the way, I'm being upfront for the sake of myself in peace and I got nothing to do with Decoratress and Renato they have to deal their own fears. I won't tolerate any foul hitting below the belt. It just that the way it is...

Posted by: cattleyaorchids at October 29, 2009 10:50 PM

Tha! Alove,...less in such secrecy surrounding stories is was going to be the biggest show on earth when the camera were running all the time (think the clues) you and I, the message behind it was positive and everything that went into it, became unaware so it's going to be real. I will enjoyed the banter in fair games not just betrayal on opponent.

Posted by: cattleyaorchids at October 29, 2009 10:34 PM

Thanks to all for the best wishes. I'm looking forward to the weekend. It's going to be busy but fun.

Finally all packed and ready to roll early tomorrow.

Posted by: icycle67 at October 29, 2009 9:40 PM

Hey Icy, have a great time in Melbourne, great to see a big family do - enjoy! Nice to hear you had a great date also.

Maybe - great to see you back - stay a while!!

Welcome Cattleaorchids to the blogs, enjoy the banter and the nice people that chat here.

Alove x

Posted by: aloveoflife at October 29, 2009 8:37 PM

Congratulations to your Gran Icy hitting 100 years old. I hope she is doing well for her age and hopefully she will thoroughly enjoy all the celebrations.

It will be fabulous for you and your kids as well for them to see where you grew up and have laughs and probably a few tears with you remembering your past.

5 generations of family. Do you actually have a head count, that could be an awful lotof people.

Hope you all have a great great time and I hope gran enjoys herself as well.

Posted by: iaminperth at October 29, 2009 8:18 PM

Nice post, Orchids and welcome. Yes you're right, it is nice to see your best friends and your parents living the "happily ever after" dreams. And it is getting rarer - but perhaps thats because we're less willing to compromise nowadays? How many posts do we read saying "its my way or the highway". When traditionally, a partnership was about fitting in with each other's lives.

Of course there is the other side where people used to live in unreasonable circumstances and now they feel they are free to free themselves from those constraints.

Posted by: willow29 at October 29, 2009 3:11 PM

Wow Virg.. Mother of the Bride hey... I hope to see an updated pic on your profile of you on the special day. May the weather be perfect, the day flow smoothly and the union last forever xo

Ahhh cattle... fate.....
Personally there's a few things I'd change in my past... but they would all contribute to me being a slightly different (and in my opinion) better version of the current me.

Virg and Icy you should meet up for a coffee.... one can never have too many friends.

This week has been carrrraaaaaaaaaazzeeeee for those around me (no, nothing to do with moi!) and it's made me realise just how good us singles have it at times. So I'm in a melancholic kind of place this week.... counting down the days til exams are over and I can get out into the real world!!!

Posted by: maybeperfect4u at October 29, 2009 2:21 PM

I believed when it comes to relationship, a lot of it is Fate. If could see some similarities alike with time and easy resting life would have been good then. Must had know when you going to take care of them and giving trust. We live in a day and age where everyone has iphones and camera phones - it was definitely an element I could relate to, popping in and popping out of life.
It is pretty romantic citing your parents, bestfiends are still married, still together, still happy, which I think this is the most romantic things anyone can ask for.,really. To have that sort of example of two people enduring a love and a life together, I don't think it gets any better., really. "It's rarer and rarer ".

I firmly believed you have meant to have it all kinds of experiences in life and I'm very realistic about that. I believed in doing the best you can, take control of things but don't stress about stuff you can't control. If given a chance. I wouldn't change anything, I would do exactly the same things all over again. There is no point to go back the same scenarios with a person lost in many cause, if didn't work it out from the start of relationship, then there is no chance to make it as good in second attempt. A Change of direction is more effective than going back same old, same old courses.

Posted by: cattleyaorchids at October 29, 2009 11:21 AM

Morning Maybe....

I'm great....how you doin...:)

I'm getting ready for my daughters wedding next weekend....!!

It's good to see your cheeky face back here..:)

Luv Virgo...xoxo

Posted by: virgowoman2 at October 29, 2009 10:35 AM

Well, give me a wave just as you're landing..I live out near the airport..!

Virgo...:)

Posted by: virgowoman2 at October 29, 2009 10:31 AM

LOL GlitterBlue... soooo sooo true..... I hate being dry for so long!!!

Wow Icy.. what a brilliant time you and yours are goin to have.... and happy birthday to Gran.. way to go!

HELLO Virgo... mwah and hugs to you from Brissy... how are you girl?

Posted by: maybeperfect4u at October 29, 2009 10:27 AM

Yes, she gets a telegram from the Queen but only because it has been organised by one of my uncles. It doesn't happen automatically.

Posted by: icycle67 at October 29, 2009 10:15 AM

Icey...

Well, the weather down here is suppose to be beautiful all weekend...that'll be great for you and your family...especially your Gran...!

Do people that turn 100 still get a message from the Queen..?

So, you're a Melbourne boy....hope your kids enjoy your old hometown, and you do too..!!

Virgo...:)

Posted by: virgowoman2 at October 29, 2009 7:36 AM

Wow, Icey, that IS an important event! Definately not missable. I hope everyone has a wonderful time - especially your Gran.

Posted by: willow29 at October 28, 2009 10:19 PM

glitter, even in melb these days you need to look to find good coffee...not as reliable as it used to be..a few hacks getting in. Still the best though *grin*
My first thing is to scope out the coffee situation whenever I move to a new project location. most consistent best coffee (soy latte) is bluestones (sadly located other side of the city), second best at mo is the journal (again not so easy to get to during the day). :-(
hmmmm...a good coffee can make or break a day...

Posted by: ali1974 at October 28, 2009 8:48 PM

Virgo,

My grandmother's 100th birthday celebrations. BIG family gathering. First time for many years (maybe ever?) that all the family including cousins, aunts , uncles etc etc have been together. 5 generations will be there.

It will be good to show my kids around where I grew up. They will be bored out of their brains but I'll enjoy it.

Icy

Posted by: icycle67 at October 28, 2009 8:41 PM

Yeah Maybe, you miss it when you've been "dry" for a while hey!? ;)

BTW, Glitterbelle is GB to . . . bit confusing.

Glitter xo

Posted by: glitteringblue at October 28, 2009 6:28 PM

Icey...

What are you doing down in my neck of the woods this weekend..don't tell me you're riding down...:)

Virgo...:)

Posted by: virgowoman2 at October 28, 2009 5:18 PM

Thanks for the Welcome Back Icy and GB.... green baby is dry and bored at the moment.. .I have exams coming up in two weeks so it's cram cram cram, but after the 18th I'll be out on that water .... ooops sorry back with you was lost in a dream for a moment there.. picturing the serenity.. and ensuing aching muscles lol

Posted by: maybeperfect4u at October 28, 2009 11:16 AM

. . .ancient at 37 . .

Belle, I was being fully sarcastic! : /

Now grandma's gotta go empty her kayak - it's on the roof of the car and it rained all night - bugger!!

Have a good day You Lot.

Glitter : )

Posted by: glitteringblue at October 28, 2009 8:32 AM

Posted by: icycle67 at October 27, 2009 10:15 PM
That made me smile...clever :)

Posted by: sweetenuff67 at October 28, 2009 8:18 AM

19 and 20 year olds wel mannered and stunning and 50 and 60 year olds hitting the dance floor, hitting the night life, hitting the grog, hitting on each other. God only knows what they are trying to prove.

I think it's sometimes the case of 'we're free, we can do whatever we like, with whoever we choose' and so they behave like oversexed, overfed morons. The guys think they should conquer, the women think they are ballsy. At the end of the day when the booze wears off and they look in the mirror, you would have to wonder who they see staring back at them.

I think a lot of guys at the moment have far more manners and style than a lot of the women. I think women have gone overboard trying to prove they can do anything the blokes can. Unfortunately, for some this just means boozing and swearing more and generally making an ass of themselves.

Posted by: iaminperth at October 28, 2009 1:03 AM

Talk about the weather alright FG....who would want to live anywhere near Perth... I hear the weather is quite foul!!! Heavy dark clouds forever on the horizon... and unrelenting rain! Miserable really!

Posted by: karen59 at October 28, 2009 12:03 AM

Hey Belle,

Sounds like you know a couple of my mates....50+ and still stupid...think because a good looking girl says "hello" that they are in with a show....never will grow up and accept reality.

Theres an old saying "no fool like an old fool"....been there, done that, but dont make a habit of it...I hope!!:))

Bob

Posted by: simplegame at October 27, 2009 11:19 PM

Gawd.... ancient Glitter ... now theres a thought *cough, cough, clear throat .. bs.*

Dance around a handbag !?! Geez thats what the whingy friend looks after ... y'know the one with the headache?

As for the membership to the dirty 30 club.... see ya's in about 11 months :)

'Belle

Posted by: glitterbelle at October 27, 2009 11:10 PM

Belle, I still hold to my initial generalisation however of the "STANDARD" woman in her 20's - with respect to their maturity levels in a relationship and the way they (generalising) carry on with their fellas, frankly, is embarrasing and one wonders why many of the men stay for so long!!

Conversly it is men in their mid 30s to late 40s (generalising once again) that tend to behave less that maturely in relationships eg not growing up, not compromising, not pulling their weight, thinking their still sexy, hot studs, when they've let themselves go . etc etc. . .

While we are generalising . . . .

Glitter xo

Posted by: glitteringblue at October 27, 2009 11:09 PM

Generalisations ... theres a way to get me into trouble!....i know a 45 yr old that carry on like unrepenting pork chops & date like their 13 and have just discovered themselves... i know 22 yr olds that have spades of insight. But the wisest of all? He's 5.

'Belle

Posted by: glitterbelle at October 27, 2009 11:01 PM

Yeah, but Brisvagas is 1.5 hours south of moi!??

I have to settle for Nescafe Blend 43 (just have lots and lots of it to make up for quality)

: ((

Glitter *who's Nonna Lina would be rolling in her Italian grave*

Posted by: glitteringblue at October 27, 2009 10:32 PM

Generally it has better coffee. You just need to know where to go in Bris.

I make my own great coffee so I'm a happy little iSnack2.0.

Posted by: icycle67 at October 27, 2009 10:15 PM

Hi Maybe!!! Welcome back - how's your green baby going? Back on the water yet?

Glitter xo

Posted by: glitteringblue at October 27, 2009 10:10 PM

Well I hope it bloody clears up by the following weekend as I have shoe-string straps!! and Sandles . . .: ((

We never have to think about the weather here on the Sunny Coast (and Brissy). . . it makes you appreciate what you have at home.

Except Melb has better coffee - c'mon, Icy, it does!

Glitter *hands on hips, nodding*

Posted by: glitteringblue at October 27, 2009 10:09 PM

Welcome back MBP4U.

It does exist. The middle ground is where it's at for me.

Posted by: icycle67 at October 27, 2009 10:07 PM

My experience has been guys who just want casual no strings attached, or guys who want marriage.... whereas I'm looking for the happy middle ground of romance, passion and exclusivity with our own space..... but does it exist?

I've played the 'casual' game and been the one emotionally invested and therefore, the one that got hurt. (Although the heart wants what the heart wants, darn it!).

So good to be back and reading the blogs again.... thanks for the smiles guys :) xo

Posted by: maybeperfect4u at October 27, 2009 9:59 PM

Little Froggy, I'm glad you are free now at least one step closer to being in a happy relationship - and yes that's what I meant by "sounds exhausting" - it certainly does wear you down . . .

You will be please to know that there a heaps and heaps of women that don't change their minds all the time, including what they're wearing before they leave the house .. . .some just don't care that much what other's think about them .. . .?!

Good luck with it all though, I'd hate to be a man, it's hard enough being a woman let alone dating one . . .(humour ;-))

Luv Glitter xo

Posted by: glitteringblue at October 27, 2009 9:56 PM

Ah the weather.

I just thought I'd check the forecast for Melbourne for this weekend seeing I'll be there.........
Friday - Shower or two 18 – 29
Saturday - Shower or two 19 – 28
Sunday - Shower or two developing 15 – 22
Monday - Shower or two 14 - 28

Sounds like Melbourne.

Posted by: icycle67 at October 27, 2009 9:54 PM

how bout i talk about the weather...

Raining cold.,, like perth.

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at October 27, 2009 9:39 PM

Good on you Willow. Maybe 20 or 30 years ago there may have been problems but there are so many products on the market now, no one needs to suffer. And sure, if you get a headache once a month, so what, everyone gets a headache.

Too much blaming the other person and making excuses and all the excuse for illneses that pop up. You should hear some of them that they come out with at work. Anything to take time off. I don't know how many cases of suspected swine flu we have had necesitating weeks off work. I personally don't believe any one of them were really sick but once they can produce that certificate, that's it.

Posted by: iaminperth at October 27, 2009 9:34 PM

And yes Belle, those kind of women who still carry on like that . . . dance around their handbag . .

Hang on!!! I still do that and I'm and ancient age of 37 !!!

: )

Also still wear glitter and eat dinner in bed . .. .and rollerblade . .. . yes it is an attitude - there are exceptions to rules.

Posted by: glitteringblue at October 27, 2009 9:34 PM

" . . attitude, not an age thing . . "

Yes, Belle, as I have myself said so many times on the other blog . . I did say I was generalising - surely you wouldn't disagree with that "generalisation"??

Glitter

ps. Anyway I thought you were 30 Belle or at least in the next few months? No? It's not a line in the sand - you are close enough . . .: )

Posted by: glitteringblue at October 27, 2009 9:32 PM

Hi Guys

well my post may have come across a little harsh or odd.. but what i meant was.. blokes tend to be grounded in 'light' decision making. eg.. what to wear out.ect.... Blokes are happy to wear just about anything...,, Chicks change their minds ten times over before they step out the door. ( well the ones i meet do anyway) So i can tell you i have had a good look at myself and that's why i've been on here for ages. I would like to meet someone that shares my interest and is more relaxed person to what i have experienced.
I would often provide time for my partner with interest that less suited me ( like horse riding) just because i wanted to share time with her. I get a smile from seeing people that i love enjoy them self with something they love doing. when the shoes on the other foot...,eg me going fishing or surfing ... nothing in return. Kinda wears you down after ten+ years or so.

Referring to the blow posts... I wasn't going to stay in a relationship and pretend i'm happy when i was clearly not.

thought this might give you a little more insight as to where i'm coming from.

Posted by: feelgood76 at October 27, 2009 9:31 PM

glitteringblue at October 27, 2009 7:15 PM "women in their 20's " scratch that.... think you mean girls that still dance around their handbags?" ...its an attitude not an age thing Glitter!"

thoughts from a just twentysomething!

'Belle

Posted by: glitterbelle at October 27, 2009 9:09 PM

I am sure guys must feel that way at times FG! My daughter is an absolute nightmare when she is premenstrual and I often think... "the poor guy that ever has to try to live with her!!!"

Posted by: karen59 at October 27, 2009 8:05 PM

and yet you still love some of 'em FG...don't you?

Posted by: ali1974 at October 27, 2009 7:18 PM

". . .none of my students were going to stuff that up! . . ."

Wills, I always KNEW you were a boot camp kinda woman - and I like that! (all soft and girly on the outside and tough as steel on the inside - am I wrong??)

: )))

Glitter xo

ps I agree totally btw.

Posted by: glitteringblue at October 27, 2009 7:17 PM

Posted by: feelgood76 at October 26, 2009 11:01 PM . . .

Froggy, women in their 20's tend to do/say stuff like that - women 30 and above (generalising) know that that shit doesn't cut it . . . and that they have to be responsible for their descisions, actions and behaviour in life and in their relationships.

Sounds exhausting to me.

Glitter

Posted by: glitteringblue at October 27, 2009 7:15 PM

Totally Willow and what a ridiculous attitude to life blaming everyone else for their shortcomings. Absolutely pathetic nonsensical post.

Posted by: iaminperth at October 27, 2009 5:37 PM

I agree Perth. When I was teaching Vocational Ed, I said to my female students that I dont ever want to hear them using hormones as an excuse not to act professionally at all times. If they can't, see a doctor and get it sorted or join a different program.

People suffered so we would have rights in the workplace and none of my students were going to stuff that up!

Posted by: willow29 at October 27, 2009 3:57 PM

You must know some strange women then FG. Maybe it's time to look at yourself and see the kind of woman you are attracted to and the kind of woman that is attracted to you.

Maybe spend more time doing things together rather than talking about doing things. I don't know but that post sounds rather odd to me.

Posted by: iaminperth at October 27, 2009 11:07 AM

Woman change their minds like the weather... emotional bundles of menstrual stress.. Try living with one that keeps the same thoughts about something for more than a week. All i hear is " i'm allowed to change my mind.., it's that time of the month.., Blah blah..
then the next day.. fine as roses..?

Woman...? got me stuffed.

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at October 26, 2009 11:01 PM

Darn right Bob,

People put far too much emphasis on being in a relationship that they almost lose their minds over it. I have seen more women lie through their teeth, cast aside what they really want and degrade themselves to get a mans attention its incredible......then turn tail and be a complete victim and passively aggressively chew away at him whilst she makes herself eternally miserable trying to change him subtly by any means she can.

I think we can only go on experience, our own experience. I have been around 37 years now, in those years, as lovely as most of the guys I have had relationships with are, they have hidden the parts which they didnt think I would like about them.....only to admit they had them but kept them away as they knew i wouldnt like them after the relationship ended........hardly fair.

Too many women arent honest about what they really want and are too quick to throw those things that are important for a reason away for male attention.

Come on, men know what women hate about them, they know what women want and they know how women talk and whinge behind their backs about those things.............it isnt rocket science. Its just people turn a blind eye, pretend these things dont exist..............if women told men what they really really want and what they really really dont more importantly, men wouldnt be suprised, they know it already.....they just dont want it said aloud.

You see to me, men should be honest, women should be honest and suffer the consequences if the opposite sex doesnt want them because of that.

Everyone is allowed to be what they want to be so long as they admit it freely and openly and accept the repurcussions of that..........like I do, I dont expect men to want me when I demand so much of them and I am happy to live with that.

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at October 26, 2009 8:41 PM

Hey Oney,

Cant agree more....I am only looking for friends now too, just want to meet some women that would enjoy my company on a night out for drinks, dinner etc. I expect them to continue looking for their perfect guy; but why sit at home waiting when you can go out and have some fun?

If they meet their perfect guy, I realistically expect that I will drop of the radar of most...but thats OK, I have no expectations. However, if there is someone with whom I can forge a good friendship; then this nice guy hasn't finished last...has he?

Bob

Posted by: simplegame at October 26, 2009 5:22 PM

Posted by: atimetolove at October 24, 2009 9:33 PM

I don't know if I congratulated you on that post, but congrats anyway :-)

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at October 26, 2009 4:21 PM

Perth, I did exactly that when I looked at whether a relationship really was what I wanted or if I were just following like a sheep what everyone else does.

I wrote the pro and con list.............and my pro of being single, celibate and without a man in my life was far greater than the alternative of having one in it and being in a relationship.

I belive, truly, I did that with an open mind, logical, practical and also thinking about how free my heart is when I am single and how restricted my heart is when I am dating.

I can love freely when I am not restricted by the 'should be, be this, be that, dont be too this, dont be too that' that comes with dating.

Plus, being honest, I really am doing the male gender a favour by staying away from them for sure.

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at October 26, 2009 4:16 PM

Wow, so many new bloggers. This is fantastic. Welcome!

Fullmoonmagic - I liked on your profile how you wrote you read street signs, backs of the bus etc. I do that too - read everything!!!

Posted by: willow29 at October 26, 2009 10:23 AM

I agree Anof, the people who push the boundaries in whatever way, large or small, are usually pretty interesting people who you can learn from. I like meeting people who I can learn from whether it be a small child suffering a terrible disability to the company exec who has achieved incredible results.

It's just life and it's just finding your own little niche and what you find interesting in life. I think a lot of it is simply how you are born, there's not a lot you can do about that. As a child I was a bit of a wanderer, still am. I can move house, state, country as easy as. I don't get terribly attached to things. I am totally attached to my little family and all our furry members as well. So, it's just who you are and that's what makes us all pretty special.

I personally don't like all these rules and regulations that people have for the simple reason I don't think you ever meet the real person. I also don't think that any of us have a right to tell another person how they should think.

Again personally, I think too many people are focussing on negatives nowadays and instead of building on the positives just give up. Write a list, anything that's great on one side, anything not so great on the other. See which attracts the most votes. Focussing on negatives and trying to control people never has a positive result and two wrongs never ever make a right.

Posted by: iaminperth at October 26, 2009 9:29 AM

Being honest Smooth, I wasnt asking for anything I wasnt myself in my previous profile. I am not asking for someone richer than me, better looking than me, vastly younger than me. I am asking someone my own age or slightly (slightly being operative) younger, with similar values, similar looks wise, similar mentality and intellect etc. I have wasted so much time having my life lowered time and time again by giving guys chances and every single time my life has become a lower quality as a result..............I ask how much longer people expect my quality of life to be lowered.

I know two of my friends have stopped dating as they have come to the same conclusion and i have never seen them happier since they did that.

I really have to say, its my choice and my choice is that I have given up as I really dont see the benefits outweighing the quality of life I have when I invite someone into it emotionally.

I know people get angry, upset, narky about people giving up........as it almost threatens their dream, so often react negatively...................but it hasnt caught on just yet, it may do later and more people may choose my route, but at the moment, you are quite safe, I think most men and women still have the dream.

I am just one person, dont stress too much about it......................I just dont think I have a match and really am not going to keep trying and keep going through the same old of men telling me they are and they belive and they share my x or y...........only to apologise for saying things they werent later on down the track after they have lowered my life.

There are plenty of women still willing to give you guys a shot, they arent all following suit :-)

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at October 26, 2009 7:00 AM

Tidaldancer,

My point exactly. This "life is a competition" disorder makes people exceedingly boring. My "this is better than your (or someone else's) that, I'm dating more people that you, etc", really is an annoying trait that some people have. Yes I have a good job, car, kids etc, but I'm not interested in what they have and don't have. I'm interested in who they are, not what they have. This is not to be confused with competitive people. People who like to push the boundaries in professional or outside work activities can actually be quite intellectually stimulating.

Secondly if I can't respect some one's feeling first up, it doesn't bode well for the future with them and vice versa.

Glitterbelle, the date didn't go well. Thank you for your kind thoughts though.

I will have to re-look at my profile and probably get some advise from Bob.

*Please note the following disclaimer. Just because I think something is right, doesn't mean we all should feel this way or it is in-fact "right". This blog would be boring if we did.

Posted by: anordinaryfellow at October 25, 2009 7:12 PM

I'm not really into multiple dating - maybe its my age - but its just not my thing - probably why I won't 'commit' to casual dating (isn't that an oxymoron?).

If you are HONEST and UPFRONT about being in it JUST for casual dating/hooking up/no strings attached and have been very clear about that - then I don't see a problem. Your 'date' simply should not expect it if you both have the same criteria.

If, however, the expectations have shifted in either of you, then you need to discuss those issues in WORDS with each other LOL! Otherwise there will just be confusion and chaos and disrespect and someone will end up getting hurt. But thats just my aged opinion LOL!

Posted by: fullmoonmagic at October 25, 2009 11:54 AM

Smooth........I think you answered your own question.

You said my original profile excluded all life as we know it...................my new profile says he doesnt exist....question answered :-)

My original profile was only honesty about what I wanted. No I dont want someone older than myself, but nor do 95% of men on here either, so why should I? My original profile said I wanted my equal, in all respects, so no I wasnt interested in someone with say a lower respect for people or a lower sense of values etc. I just had to be honest about that, as well as being a match, phew it was just ridiculous to even look for it.

I really am happy single, but I do love my guy friends and would like to have some more great guy pals as I havent met so many since being here on the GC.

What I want, long long list, a man with my values, my age or slightly younger (as guys all seem to want that too I cant be criticised before you do), the bits at my core are really important, the values I have............like no, i wont be with a man who flirts, or checks out women, or talks about them in that 'shes hot' sort of way. Call me a sucker, but I want a man who only has eyes for me and I dont want a guy who lies about it just to keep the peace you know. I dont care about money, or lack of as I have my own, I love intelligence, but life intelligence for me is better than bits of paper.....I love hippies if I am honest, I love deep layered people, who can have deep conversations.............but also are big kids who can have fun and like me, dont want to grow up completely and of course, I would have to find him gorgeous.

Like Bob................I am just not looking. I am not going to lose myself like many women do, who start justifying why they will be with someone when he isnt what they want, chipping away and turning a blind eye to what they dont want to see........then passive aggressively trying to change him later and resenting him.

I will stick to some great male friends I think...........I adore men, am not a man hater...........just cant see the catch in having a relationship with them.

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at October 25, 2009 7:26 AM

Posted by: smoothman at October 24, 2009 1:12 AM

That was a great post Smoothman. Welcome to the blogs.

I tried to post one much like that, but had to go do something and it got lost . . . so thanks, you said it better than me. Very valid points.

Hope you stick around with more of your "observations".

Glitter : )

Posted by: glitteringblue at October 24, 2009 10:20 PM

Hi Everyone,

This is my first time writing, but I've been a long time reader of all your blogs and thoroughly enjoy.
I've just read your discussion of the "Mother-Me-Theresa" personalities and had an overwhelming urge to share.
The clinical term is "Passive Aggressive Personality" and it's a learnt behaviour in childhood. Sounds so scary when given a clinical name and even more so living with one! If you care to google the term, it's very interesting reading. Makes you wary of some of those good, gentle and what appear to be, sensitive men. They actually have what is termed a parasitic personality. Both sexes can have the manipulative disorder, however in women it's seen as the "poor weak little me, I need a big strong man to take care of me"... and we all know some of those..and it works for them.

Posted by: atimetolove at October 24, 2009 9:33 PM

Hi Tidaldancer,

I dont see it as a lack of respect for the other person(or people) you are seeing if you are up front about what you are doing. It is disrespectful only if you aren't up front...the other person should know exactly with whom they are dealing...then the choice is theirs whether they choose to meet you in the first place.

I make no bones about the fact I want to make some female friends...I'm not here to meet someone specifically to form a long term relationship...never have actually. That is not to say that if that special someone walked into my life that I would run away...but they have to walk into my life...I'm not looking for them.

Bob

Posted by: simplegame at October 24, 2009 6:39 PM

Hey Smooth....

Welcome to the blogs...sometimes fun...sometimes serious...:))

Virgo...:)

Posted by: virgowoman2 at October 24, 2009 5:55 PM

Great post Smoothy! Welcome!
Krazy.

Posted by: karen59 at October 24, 2009 5:25 PM

I'll send some Russians your way, Bob. Happy to share.

Thanks OMO. Actually, to be honest, I was going to follow the lovely compliments by taking you to task about your profile, which had so many exclusions that it seemed to exclude all life as we know it, and some yet to be imagined. But you've gone and 'dewinded' my sails by changing it. I must say, it was utterly hilarious, though in a slightly sad way. Like Jewish comedy, for example.

As for the new one, you have me curious. "I've listened to what men want". Sorry, but who has been speaking on my behalf and on behalf of all 'men' without consulting me? What is it that I'm supposed to want?

"what I'm looking for just doesn't exist....". What is it, exactly? And how is 'not having found it yet' evidence of it not existing? Despite the experience of life which might support your premise, I just don't believe it. I have been fortunate to have had glimpses of aspects of what I want in life, and they lead me to continue to believe in the power of possibility, not of "the one" but certainly of "a one" for a given time.

Posted by: smoothman at October 24, 2009 1:12 AM

Virgo, Joanna Lumley, I don't know but how about a Bolly Stolley hey schweetie???

Oney, how's the noise down there, might but just about time to crank up the music, love to be there but theatre tomorrow night calls, let you know how that is ;-)

Have a great weekend all! Alove x

Posted by: aloveoflife at October 24, 2009 12:20 AM

hey smoothman, I try not to hold one per