RSVP Blog

Interesting.

Posted by: woodnwine at September 22, 2009 3:50 PM

I agree Willow. I suippose if you have lived on your own for a long time you just feel single. I think also it is sometimes a bit of a keep the peace thing if you have gone thru a difficult settlement process and the other party is particularly upset. I personally know someone this happened to and the kids asked the dad to delay the actual divorce formalisation to try to let things settle. Very hard on everyone I think but she will not accept the fact that she will be a divorced woman.

He's a good guy and his kids are great but she can be particularly vindictive and they are just trying to let the situation cool for a while.

Posted by: iaminperth at September 16, 2009 10:31 AM

Yes Willow, "single" means I'm ready and "separated" means my baggage is in the locker,... but i keep the locker-keys in my pocket, just in case a handy accessible with the baggage when i need it most ! or when if not in use ..!?
And those "married" means what the hell they're doing here....!! ( a passerby)...

Posted by: kicknpick at September 16, 2009 9:57 AM

KP - perhaps some ppl see "single" as an emotional status rather than a statutory one?

Some divorced people may not be emotionally single, but some ppl are emotionally ready to date again without having gone through the legalities.

So perhaps "single" means "Im ready. My baggage is in the locker".
Just my thoughts :)

Posted by: willow29 at September 16, 2009 7:58 AM

umnn, Tassie,
Now, finally i understand all about this scene,.. this was a thrill and spill,.. hiding your status in life in your profile stated single, whilst in fact the exact nature that you are separated. Truthful to say in your mind you are single after 4 years of separation and you did what is right for you, the way in this situation pans out, may be a better off to say a -white lies- until later on admitted to a potential woman the real truth when the timing is right. Those uncertain principles of yours, taking a gambles, hoping it will make you emotionally richer or do you passed up an opportunity because it too obvious they will get a wrong message of your status...that are so allowing you for a last minute of changes will keep your genuineness in seeking serious relationship. But what is the development and consideration to woman you're going to meet? Would she be disappointed? would she think she was been deceived...In that matters a chaotic jumbles of questions obviously which is difficult to know who was with who ?..., the effect was lost on relationship will be strained, more in making life difficult, it may take only one incident to create a complete rift.
Dishonesty - I would never give a credit..!

Posted by: kicknpick at September 16, 2009 4:44 AM

Yep... i'm up for adoption - where do i sign?

Posted by: glitterbelle at September 13, 2009 9:48 PM

Funny little Froggy!

Posted by: karen59 at September 10, 2009 5:04 PM

Perth: "I know personally of kids being handed up to $500 on a Friday night and told to get lost for the weekend. "

I don't suppose they want to adopt?

Posted by: willow29 at September 10, 2009 2:58 PM

I'm turning japa-neesa, turning jap-neesa really think so..:))

Posted by: feelgood76 at September 10, 2009 2:19 PM

yes sheep in v hot sun, though not a parent im increasingly concerned with v neg, selfish parentaing which i witness, so many r so cought up in satisfying their fragile egos that they seem 2 have forgoten their giuding toung sponges into hopefully happy adults. v behaviour of many kids/youths i c is testement 2 v lack of awareness n parenting skills, truth is only half of kids have parents- thats most of v problem; ven they leave home n join a dysfunctual society that has lost its way n no wonder so many tears. im realy questioning my desire 2 create little uns. at this stage id prefer em 2 b home schooled with a bit of outside influence 4 socialisasion. really we as a society need 2 take responsability n realise that monkey c monkey do, its v adults in our society that shape society n we need 2 acept that we have largely failed, bbs failed, flowes onto x gen who failed an i dont c this neg trend changing 4 v ys gen. ver apears 2 b a growing awareness that we have got it wrong, an on a pos note this is v 1st step into change.
ur insite into paying of v kids 4 some time alone concerns me- wat a bunch of selfish unbaslnced parents. i find it curious that v most important career in life needs no study, no qualification, little regulation n no supervision- parenting!
i concur wooly kids r sponges vey soak up wats around em not wat is suposed 2 b around em.
still easy 4 me 2 blah blah blah when i can selfishly do almost wat i want when i want- perhaps im in 4 a shock if i get lucky enough 2 create little uns!
energy intaske =energy out, adults need 2 manage their energy levels, in allowing 1 2 b drained in effect drains those around said person, many people especialy women slip into martiar mode n put everyone else ahead of their own needs- whilst generous this often leads 2 resentment n burnout, far better 2 manage things so everyone gets theri needs met, furthermore, it is balanceing 4 people 2 go without on occassions- this helps create apreciation ehich is a difficult concept 4 most aussies 2 comprehend as we have become i want it all n i want it yesterday socirty. i no why if anyone is interesed in hearing me blah blah blah on or is it bahhhh bahhhh bahhhh, hod u like 2 b a sheep in wa, hot under v collar i reckon. over n out, intmail.

Posted by: intmail at September 8, 2009 9:28 AM

Interesting comment and I suppose it does happen in a lot of cases. I think the sad thing is when parents put every bit of their energy into raising the kids and then having nothing left for themselves.

Again, I rather think along the lines of lead by example. Let the kids live a good marriage, and see how it all works and then there may be something to build on when the kids eventually leave. No one seems to be setting an example for the kids nowadays.

I know personally of kids being handed up to $500 on a Friday night and told to get lost for the weekend. This happened from the age of 13 onwards. Another had a permanent room booked in a hotel, not for the parents but to get rid of the teens for the weekend so they could have their friends around.

So many picked up for dui, and then they tell their kids, don't drink. Smoking like chimneys and they tell their kids, don't smoke. Well, duh, I don't think it takes a great mind to work that one out.

It's sad, no leadership and poor examples being set and very little give and take.

Posted by: iaminperth at September 7, 2009 11:58 AM

hi glittering blue, impressed with ur memory, no sadly home on hold until partner comes along. one of reasons i live here is v climate warm temperate is good 4 me, weve just had 1 of our hotest winters on record n wetest. think that was my first blog, ive tried before but couldnt work out how 2, pc challenged!, how r things with u?, intmail.
k 59, seems 2 me that many people dont allow themselves 2 grieve vey often use distractionary activities such as entertainment, drugs, avoidance, violence, self harm etc,strategems 2 keep grieving at bay, this usualy blows up in their face later on when vey exhibit inapropriate emotional behaviour ( usualy when vey get close 2 someone an ven dump their baggage on em, it b good i reckon if everyone did grieve n where taught how, but in reality this isnt v case.
laminperth- agree with u bout puff, as it is clear we r not a monogomouse species it is unsustainable 4 us 2 b together till death, it does happen n if it works 4 em go 4 it, but, 2 have false expectations of till death do us part is denying our genes, our role is 2 guide kids till adulthood then, ven stay or go its up 2 each person, v religious contract of marriage which is really about ownership is quite ridiculous, no wonder most women leave it, pity so many r conditioned 2 falsly believe in death do us part which causes so many tears. comments welcome, intmail.

Posted by: intmail at September 6, 2009 7:31 PM

Yes, she's great. She sends me pictures of beautiful little spanish children and her room, with this skinny single bed and the wonderful pics and little trinkets all over the walls. She has photos of here and photos of there and it is absolutely beautiful. The last email I received with wonderful pictures was also address to about 100 other people, friends, aquaintances and anybody else who was interested met along the way. I have another friend who is helping to build an orphanage in Cambodia. She travelled there a few times, but this time has stayed for a while. They are actually building this facility by hand, making the bricks etc. Likeminded people travel and stay and some just visit but everyone has one goal and that is to do better. Both these women were extremely successful in their chosen careers, had raised succesful kids and figured, well it's now or never. I am a firm believer that sometimes marriages just run out of puff. Everything has been done and, for whatever reason, it is time to move on. I don't believe there is always a good or bad person, just two pretty nice people changing direction and using the freedom in their time left on his earth to do their own thing. One ex is as bitter as .....and the other one is fabulous. All kids of both are totally supportive and very proud of their mums. And the stories they can tell.....ah bliss. I'm travelling to Peru early 2010 but only for about 3 weeks first time and then afterwards will probably stay longer, who knows.

Posted by: iaminperth at September 4, 2009 12:00 AM

Perth, your friend is doing my retirement plan :-) I absolutely love that she is doing that..............where most dream of a future of one thing, settled.........I dream of being that batty older lady who flies off to South America, does volunteer work and has a small unit somewhere to call home when I need to.

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at September 3, 2009 10:37 AM

No Perthy... everybody does grieve the loss of a relationship!! The girlfriends you talk about will have grieved the loss of their marriage whilst still in the marriage!!! That DOES happen.

Posted by: karen59 at September 3, 2009 10:03 AM

Not everyone grieves when they leave a relationship Glitter. I have a couple of female friends who were on countdown for when the children were old enough and had lived fairly separate lives for years and then quit and gained their freedom back to do as they wished without a lazy lump dragging them back. Or the ones who just skipped thru life bringing up their kids and having their own interests and developing themselves ready for the day when they would leave. Sometimes, it becomes a marriage of convenience and the day comes to leave and away they go. More and more people later in life are splitting up and going in different directions, especially with travel on offer to neary everyone these days. Women are no longer afraid to travel by themselves and go places unheard of a few years back and they know that is something their partners would never do. New hairdo, new car and trip overseas is usually the bonus when they first split up. My friend has gone to live in South America for six months until the dust dies down after her decision and then she will come back to Aust. and purchase small unit and spend her time between here and Peru. In Peru she is helping children with another group of volunteers from lots of different countries. She has more friends and more of a life than she ever had here and that is the choice for the rest of it. She explained everything to her family prior to leaving and her kids were fantastic and extremely supportive. Ex is not impressed at all.

So, not everyone is sad, some people simply plan for the future.

Posted by: iaminperth at September 2, 2009 11:19 PM

Actually you know what! I think too much. I really need to think less and act more :)

Sometimes things just happen that are not or were never in your control anyway. So why bother trying to analyze everything all the time.

Feel good has the right idea, just go for a surf. I so wish it was warmer down here.

Sometimes it's better just to let go and see what happens.

Anyway I have some major gigs coming up and seeing as that is what I want to do then I am going to focus on that for a while.

Catch you guys in a week or so. xx

Posted by: tassiedude1 at September 2, 2009 7:00 PM

Hi Willow, yep thats what I was getting at. Not that Separated people are bad in any way (just still grieving), just newly separated or people who haven't taken care of all their previous marriage details before embarking on a new relationship. And of course not all separated people have mal-intent with respect to their profile and putting single - but as you said Willow, you can't become a virgin again.

People took vows - its not just a piece of paper to me - its a whole nuther level and I still don't think people should put single when they are still legally married, no matter if it's been 20 years. In the eyes of the law your new partner will be connected in some way to your X marriage partner and I don't think that is something to be hidden even if it's not done with bad intentions. This is my personal feeling and choice.

Others obviously don't agree and that is okay for them too. If they are still married because they can't be bothered to do the paperwork - well, that's not an attractive thing in my eyes either. Sort out the past, before embarking on the future. It's also symbolic.

And if it's not due to laziness, then they must still be hanging on to that marriage for a reason - even if they are not consciously aware of it.

Willow, in your situation - which is unusual to say the least, well, I don't know what you would say there . . . hahah.

Luv Glitter xo

Posted by: glitteringblue at September 2, 2009 12:50 PM

awww tassie, come on now! As they say in the classics, it's just like riding a bike. You know how to smile, how to kiss, how to hug, how to be yourself towards an intended date ... and after talking with them, you get to know what they like, and you become naturally considerate of those special things that make a difference to the other person in a positive way!

A great truism in this situation is .. "There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing."..

You know what you ought to do - yes it can be tough applying that, but you've got a great group of people here supporting you and willing to assist with time proven advice - and I'll bet London to a brick there's more than a few people on this site alone who would pique` your interest and get those romantic ole bones back into action!

Chin up and get back on that bike!

myst :-)

Posted by: mystril at September 2, 2009 11:58 AM

The older bloggers have heard this before...but my ex said "Can I write "single" on my profile?". I said "no, you're separated".
He said "when we divorce, can I write single?"
Me: "no, you're divorced".
Him: "so when can I write Im single again?"
Me: "When I can say Im a virgin again".

Well two weeks later, we were told that we were never actually married.....so does that mean....?

Posted by: willow29 at September 2, 2009 10:09 AM

Posted by: tassiedude1 at September 1, 2009 8:40 PM

Hi Tassie,

Why don't you make your profile invisible to avoid being contacted if you are here for blogging and are not interested in finding a partner before going overseas? Then occasionally open your profile for other bloggers to see who you are (like Willow and others do)? That would eliminate the whole being contacted and having to reply thingy . . .

Glitter

Posted by: glitteringblue at September 2, 2009 6:58 AM

You are absolutely right Mingle. And I have to admit that I made and have made some very big mistakes in that regard. Still I never hid it or tried to keep it secret but I was awfully naive.

One of the problems with coming out of a long term relationship especially one where you think you will never be single again is that you lose touch with all the dating etiquette.

Still just a lousy excuse for plain bad form.

Posted by: tassiedude1 at September 1, 2009 9:34 PM

Tassie i hear what you are saying and at first blush the difference does seem to be insignificant.

But i think for me the difference between seperated and divorced is a bit more distinct. Being divorced for me means that all the paper work is done - legally able to remarry and hopefully the property settlement, care arrangements and maintenance agreements are also done and registered with the courts.

Because this process is usually contentious it is reassuring for any prospective future partner that it is done and dusted. This way folks can go into the new relationship with thier eyes open to the situation and the obligations clearly defined.

The alternative is to do all this once the new relationship is well under way and one has to spend the first months/year of that new relationship having to deal with solicitors and courts and all the associated emotional baggage to finalise the old relationship before the new one can move on.

Posted by: mingle48 at September 1, 2009 9:15 PM

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at September 1, 2009 5:33 AM

My profile now clearly states that I am not interested. Yet I am amazed by the fact that I still get contacts.

I guess sometimes it doesn't matter what you write on a profile people still only see what they want to see.

Posted by: tassiedude1 at September 1, 2009 8:40 PM

Well I'm glad most agree about a profile being nothing more than a marketing tool and also the lack of undisclosed hidden truth's behind each and everyone's profile. The truth of the matter is that until you actually make contact with someone you will never know the full extent.

This brings me to another point about selecting or not selecting someone to contact.

Firstly, if I were searching, then would I want to limit myself to say only people with single on their profile? I guess I could do this but seriously at my age I may as well be searching for a virgin. The fact is that as we get older the likelihood of meeting someone who has not been married or in several serious prior relationships is seriously diminished. And lets face it those of us who are on here and are separated or divorced are still very nice people. Just because of a prior break up does not mean we are damaged goods. Sure there may be some remaining issues but all in all I think we can agree that we are all good people.

Still each to their own.

Now for a little home truth and this may make sense to some. I have single on my profile yet I am actually separated. Now some could say, even imply, that I am lying on my profile but this does beg the question of what is a lie.

In my opinion, and I may be wrong, to lie about something requires an intent to deceive for the sole benefit of individual gain, whatever that may be.

Now the drop down menu clearly states "Current status". Seeing how my wife left four years ago and although we remain, not necessarily friends but, amicable and that there is absolutely no possibility of reconciliation then in my mind I am currently single I.e. I have no current partner. I think this is fair enough and it is my interpretation of my current status. Man, four years to me is like a life time ago :)

So in my mind, although I may not be 100% truthful on my profile, I am also not really lying.

Therefore it comes down to intent. Now all the people who have been long term blogers know that I have never tried to keep that fact a secret. In fact I referred to my marriage quite openly. Also on the few occasions where I did make contact it was revealed quite early in the piece, in fact within the first few e-mails, that I had previously been married.

I guess the point I am trying to make, even though it's long winded, is; Some people will always have some sort of discrepancy pertaining to their profiles. Fair enough it may be a blatant lie in which case get the hell out of there or it may simply be a misinterpretation in which case a benefit of the doubt is up to the individual doing the questioning.

I guess at the end of the day you have to follow your own gut instinct, usually correct, and make a judgment call on all the information given to you over a short period of time.

This is life not a job interview. :))

Posted by: tassiedude1 at September 1, 2009 8:22 PM

I think single separated or divorced is just an indicator of where the person is in life. I don't think it means a whole lot. One guy writes he is a widow though he is divorced and then he says his fiance was killed in a car crash, therefore he is a widow. I don't know I'm not going to nit ;pick.

I don't mind single at all as I don't think it really is a strangers business to know otherwise. However, on meeting all that can be clarified.

I don't think divorced means anything at all, as they may have been divorced and are now in a live in relationship and looking for a bit on the side. I just think it's a bit of luck at times and that's where the first couple of phone calls come into play prior to meeting. I think it's fairly easy to sort people out quite nicely via email and then via a chat prior to that first meeting.

Let's face it, there are liars and there are liars, as there are in real life so I can't see why this should be any different. Unfortunately, the way I see it, as usual a few spoil it for the many.

Posted by: iaminperth at September 1, 2009 6:23 PM

Posted by: tassiedude1 at August 31, 2009 8:18 PM

Dude,

The truthfulness of profiles has been a constant source of blog discussions probably since the start of internet dating.

I think there is a lot of unrealistic expectations by readers of profiles. A profile is simply an adverstisment nothing more nothing less. Some profile writers make the mistake of over inflating the worth of their product ( themselves) without realising that at some point their product has to be tried by the potential buyer. If a product does not live up to the advertsing hype cognitive dissonance occurs. The consumer loses faith in the product.

By the same token a lot of consumers (profile readers) are looking for some silver bullet which will solve all the problems in their own lives. There is no perfect product and there is no perfect potential partner.

One way and another every person on this site to a greater or lesser extent has some damage. This is a second hand market. No one on here is mint new in box. Bodywork is usually a bit tattered and there can be some emotional damage and some are simply older with normal wear and tear from the years on this planet.

A profile should be truthful in the claims made eg dont say single if married but there are certain aspects usually related to how a person perceives themselves or would like to be perceived which may not be entirely accurate but are not really misleading eg a person might say they are fun loving but may not in fact have a sense of humour.

Personally, I have enjoyed seeing every person I have met via RSVP. Some were not to my taste others were. But they were all people with a story to tell.
rgds Grego

Posted by: grego7 at September 1, 2009 2:02 PM

Posted by: lorna15 at September 1, 2009 10:11 AM

" Right on tassiedude I totally agree with your comments...it is a very realistic way of putting things in perspective & seeing exactly what this internet dating is all about."

Hiya Lorna! while I can understand people's antipathy toward the stigma of 'Internet Dating' .. I've never really understood it. The reason I find it hard to understand is because of this scenario ...

Say we're back in the early - mid 80's .. dance / night club life is good, we all look great, feel great and are enjoying the decade long party that it was. We see a person who is attractive across the dance floor, maybe on it, maybe just walking, but I digress .. that person is enough for you to want to talk to, and get to know. So you start talking, they tell you all the things that sound great whilst looking you in the eye.

So you exchange numbers / details and a few days later, you get a call to go out. You accept ... and on it goes, all the while you think everything is rosy. Then, say, 3 - 6 months down the track, you start finding out that all which was told to you is not as it seems about your new found lust / love. It builds up to a point where you confront that person, and a fight ensues where your feelings are hurt, the relationship is over, and you feel like sh*t.

Now, equate that to the modern day version of clubbing - the 'Net. I bet there are few souls amongst us who cannot relate the above REAL LIFE scenario in the 80's, to someone who fibs on the 'Net about themselves, and sets it up for the same disappointment. Same details, same fibs, different forum, that's all.

I guess I cannot personally see the difference between someone fibbing in face to face contact as above, or over the 'Net, when the result is exactly the same. How does that make the 'Net the singularly big bad bogeyman that it is commonly portrayed by those who have suffered heartbreak as a result of meeting someone online?

I personally find the 'Net far far more convenient, with a greater potential and reality of outlining personal traits, like, dislikes etc with far more degree of accuracy than taking the word of someone you might meet at a bar or nightclub. You also get the luxury of being able to screen the people you are attracted to, whereas in clubs etc, it is difficult to get away from some of the drunken or unwelcome advances at times, and anyway, why should a person have to leave a club or wherever, just to escape that kind of thing?

Whatever works for you or anyone, but for mine, Internet Dating has been unfairly tarnished by people who seem to either have a short or selective memory when it comes the the shortcomings of other previous forms of dating. Have a look at all the divorce rates, and the demographic of people who form the majority of that demo ... the Internet was barely in existence at the time those people met, and for the most part, was well after they met their now ex spouses.

Anyway, I hope you & anyone else who has formed a view of Internet Dating do find happiness here. Everyone deserves that, and when you find it, it's at least as wonderful as meeting people via the more traditional methods!

cheers,

myst xox :-)

Posted by: mystril at September 1, 2009 12:27 PM

I think legal requirements at the moment state married or single. They have cut out a lot of the divorced/separated etc. Maybe people are thinking that way.

I don't mind separated on a profile as to me is displays honesty as it would be easy to put single or divorced. I was legally married for years after our break up as I just couldn't be bothered with the paperwork after doing the financials and the children bit. Didn't make a scrap of difference to me.

I still use his surname as that is my childrens surname and that made it easier for them. I really don't care about bits of paper, it had no emotional connotations, just on my list of priorities at the time it came last. I am very much a first name person also and I have a very strong commitment to that name, it's mine, it's staying and it's not going to change for anyone.

About three years after the split he sent documents for me to sign, which I did and sent them back express post. I am not religious as such, retained strong ties with his parents right until their death last year and have a good working relationship with him. We both just get on with our lives, one in WA and the other in Qld.

How's that Glitter!!!!!! I'm trying.........and yes, I know you agree that I am trying, but ya luv me ! ha ha

Posted by: iaminperth at September 1, 2009 11:50 AM

Right on tassiedude I totally agree with your comments...it is a very realistic way of putting things in perspective & seeing exactly what this internet dating is all about.

Posted by: lorna15 at September 1, 2009 10:11 AM

Hahahaha, yes we have all met the 'honest and caring' who are actually dishonest and really only care whilst they want something......in fact I think thats about 90%of my dates described in one sentence :-)

However, I laugh at them now, its just expected and its like the punchline in a bad joke now. Very few have the values they claim to have, in fact, I haven't actually met one who had the values they stated they had and rambled on about having and thats being honest.

I take all profiles with a pinch of salt, I know most of them are just marketing campaigns...................and you said something Glitter that made me smile. The taking things off the profile as it will restrict the amount of people who would be interested.....thats classic.

Its a bit like someone asking how to write an interesting profile............well if you arent yourself, then dont try and be Mr Interesting is my advice, as you will get found out at some point. I've seen a lot of people asking on the blogs questions like 'should I tell people that I am....x or y, or would it mean I would get less replies'.....well wouldnt you want less replies if it was something important about you so you dont waste your time? I feel like saying.

Take everything on these sites with a pinch of salt and noone gets hurt or mad.........but yep, if I met someone from here, which I havent done yet then it had better be darn good coffee if he has told a porkie

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at September 1, 2009 5:33 AM

Ohhhh Deeaar Tassiedude . . . . : (

Chin up, the sun 'll come out tomorrow.

Luv Glitter xo

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 31, 2009 9:44 PM

Glitter, have you ever been in a serious relationship before? I.e. living together? In a court of law defacto means living together for 6 months. Therefore anyone in a previous living together type of relationship should be required to have separated on his or her profile.

Do you buy your cars after watching the tv add or do you take it for a test drive fist.

Profiles are just the same. Purely a marketing driven tool to be used to suck unsuspecting buyers in or in fact to get the most kisses, contacts, whatever.

Do you think anyone is going to tell you on a profile why their last 6 relationships have failed or that they have serious issues because of a previously failed long term non marriage relationship.

It's time for everyone to get real and see a profile for what it is.

In fact I'll bet most on hear have fun, loving, caring, honest and reliable on their profile.

No one is going to tell you otherwise or that their last relationship broke down because they could no longer stand the sight of each other.

Rsvp have a lot of click down buttons if you are going to be naive and believe them all then you are in the wrong place.

I would be expecting someone to come clean after a few e-mails or phone conversations at least. It's then I would be basing my decisions on any further contact or not.

I'm sure there are even single with kids out there.

Get real people.

Posted by: tassiedude1 at August 31, 2009 8:18 PM

Good points Glitter!

However, there's a couple of things there I'd like to comment on ;-)

While I agree that some separated people might ' walk close to the line' by selecting "Single" rather than "Separated" in their profile, I do not believe that is based on any knowledge that doing so will guarantee them more dates per se, especially if they have no experience or history on a site like this.

I say this without *any* possible connotations of bragging implied or suggested either - but in my situation, I put down my status, which is separated - I've qualified that in both the blogs and would also do so with anyone I might meet in person, along with all the details, because I need anyone I might choose to meet with, to know exactly the situation so they feel comfortable and armed with the truth about things for them to make an informed choice - I figure anyone who dates owes the other person that at the very least.

I also say that *IF* I was the kind of person who delighted in counting notches on bedheads as my primary goal for dating, then my stating in my profile about being separated would have about a zero effect on my pursuit of that. In fact, the opposite is true.

However, I am not, nor have I ever been one given to casual acquaintances where quantity is chosen over quality, and the idea of getting as many notches in the bedhead, rather than making the time to create something meaningful with someone is so foreign to me, that a word doesn't exist to describe my apathy & repugnance towards that idea.

Insofar as people's choices to hide their photo's ... well, I personally cannot see any harm if it is their choice to do so - however, I am in full agreement that once contact is made with someone, and they have an open profile where their photo is in full view, then etiquette and fairness would certainly suggest that a password or unlocking of your pics for that person should follow. Anything less than that marks the person who hides / locks their pics as disingenuous and certainly a person who should be treated with a liberal amount of scepticism and wariness.

Cheers 'n smiles,
myst xox

Posted by: mystril at August 31, 2009 7:39 PM

I really object to separated people putting single on their profile - I feel it robs me of making proper decisions - even if they "feel" single - it is misleading and frankly a lie (even if they think it isn't or have no mal-intent).

That's why rsvp have it as a criteria on the drop down menu - the man/woman has to specifically click on "single" and not on "separated". This is a decision on their part as they know that many will not date separated people.

People who do this 'minimise' the importance of this act, saying it's no big deal - it is a big deal. What if I lied about sort of having a mental illness, because I generally feel fine . . . well, you get my point.

Also with the no photo on their profile, that's totally cool - especially when you live in a regional area like I do and I used to have it hidden - but if you send a kiss to someone for godsakes, include a password - that also feels manipulative. Why wouldn't you give your password - what are you hiding? You wouldn't date a giraffe if you were looking for a hippo - looks are important, just as chemistry and mental rapport are . . . send a photo. A photo speaks a 1000 words - you can tell A LOT about someone from their photo. My experience is that if they are not smiling in any of their photos, they generally don't smile much in real life - sounds simplistic - it is simple.

Glitter.

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 31, 2009 6:24 PM

yes - I agree. and it depends on how "separated" the person is. if they're just recently out of a long marriage, are they just looking for someone to fill the void? Is the marriage totally over, but they're still getting themselves organised as a single person?
How much of ourselves can we really give to them? and how much are they able to give while they struggle to put one foot in front of the other?
They need a friend, the complication of a new full on relationship and committment could just be too hard. They may think they can do all this, but once they get there, just can't. not their fault, just too hard

Posted by: russianballerina at August 31, 2009 6:04 PM

Posted by: mystril at August 31, 2009 1:06 PM

You post some good stuff Mystril :-)

On the separated issue, I had another today, no photograph, saying separated claiming to be looking for friendship, but there was a definite 'with benefits' in their profile write up. I start with confused when I get these, as by reading my profile, its clear I am 'no that type of girl' but equally, then I realise, opportunists are opportunists and if this guy was actually separated I would eat hay with a horse.

However, on the separated issue, for me its just straight forward. It takes a good year or two to 'recover' from a marriage split, which suggests the marriage break up could be far more recent than is wise to get involved with. I think every one of us, male or female are fed up with getting involved, then the 'I am not ready for a relationship' card being pulled and I would say someone 6 months or even a year out of a marriage, certainly isnt ready...thats why I wouldnt ever date a separated.

Again, just my personal choice, you would also get that with a guy who just broke up with a girl he dated for 3 months and liked a whole lot too, just as likely in fact.........its just risk mitigation :-)

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 31, 2009 5:09 PM

My ex and I have a good 'working' relationship as we have a child together who has just completed her schooling. Nothing is going to change that fact and it works for us. Our relationship has absolutely no impact on our separate lives. We even live in different states. His current partner doesn't like it at all which I find a little ridiculous, but I look at that as her problem not mine and our relationship will continue as it has for years. He does have a lot of photos of when we raced horses together though and I am in all of them. That really gives her the creeps apparently.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 31, 2009 1:22 PM

Hi karen! Yes, you make salient points aplenty in your post. I was not intimating that my situation would be everyone's cup of tea - it's just that it has wworked well in my ex's & my situation.

True about human nature especially where kids are concerned. I do not have any kids, but I have essentially been the father figure to a wonderful niece & nephew ( aged 16 & 12 respectively) due to their domestic situation you outlined below. Added to that, my previous 18 year o'seas career, which literally had me immersed in thousands of kids lives on a near daily basis, and I have been blessed with not being found wanting in that regard. There's something quite uniquely heartwarming to see the difference that a kind word or encouraging comment can make to a kids day, or even their life. A pity that the same cannot be said of the percentage of people who are unable to cut ties effectively or amicably, then let that atmosphere affect the kids lives.

I totally support your comment below where you say, "If you have been married before, you understand that the 'marriage certificate' and 'decree nisi' are just pieces of paper in the scheme of things. Insignificant in reality." ..... for my situation, and in my subsequent opinion of that, I truly cannot see the point of marriage for marriage sake.

A piece of paper will never make me love someone more or commit to someone more than my heart is capable of doing. Correspondingly, to have to submit to a general societal expectation that marrying the person you are in love with is the only way of showing them, society in general or others of that ideology that it's only valid if you jump through society's Marriage Hoop, is offensive to me. I do not need society, or anyone else for that matter, telling me what I have to do to essentially 'prove' my love and commitment to someone I have already done so through free will and choice, for all the right reasons.

I also agree with onemore's, yours or anyone else's own standards of treating separated people with a certain degree of distance before getting to know them, if that brings people a feeling of security within themselves. Whatever is your own comfort zone is exactly that, YOUR comfort zone, and that is nothing to be dismissed lightly by anyone else.

For the record, I have been separated now since early 2000's .. well over 5 years now in fact :-)

myst xox

Posted by: mystril at August 31, 2009 1:06 PM

Hey Myst... love that post. You and your ex have achieved the best possible outcome there. I note that you don't have children... but such an outcome would be wonderful to see for ALL separated couples who have children don't you think? Unfortunately, human nature will not allow for that thou. Sigh!

I think it is easier for those of us who have been married to accept the 'separated' scenario. Because we have been in that situation, we understand that it is possible to have moved on without formalizing it on paper.

If you have been married before, you understand that the 'marriage certificate' and 'decree nisi' are just pieces of paper in the scheme of things. Insignificant in reality.

But I understand the concerns of others in this regard... especially when there is the capacity for players to hide behind that tag. Like onemore and her 3 month rule... I have a 3 year rule with separated guys. They have to have been separated for at least 3 years before I am prepared to contact/retain contact with them. I don't wish to get tangled up in the whole disengaging process. Been there done that!
Cheers, Kaz.

Posted by: karen59 at August 31, 2009 10:18 AM

Hi Intmail, another Tassie man, I remember you.

Still freezing down there? Can't say I'm missing that aspect.

Built that eco house in the country yet?

Glitter : ))

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 31, 2009 7:37 AM

Scintillez bonsoir, Glitter!

I understand totally your feelings in the matter of separated people - and I can see where there would be those who operate covertly, under the cloak of claiming to being separated, only to be found to be a player - a sort of have cake will eat it too scenario. Those type of people deserve only the best kind of kharma = What goes around, comes around.

For mine, I love my ex, and always will (not to be confused with being IN love - which we both are not anymore). She is a wonderful person, and someone I've known for nearly half my lifetime. She is kind, considerate, and I've not one bad word for her. I only wish her the best in her life. I guess we just separated very amicably .... she has her maiden name on everything now, she has her life and is making choices both personally & professionally that will hopefully open her to new happiness and fulfillment.

We always said that if / when someone new comes into our respective lives and it turns into something serious and permanent, then we would formalise our arrangement. This has not impacted our ability to give love to other people in any way shape or form - in fact, we both have met & dated other people and enjoyed it immensely. I am out of a near 2 year full on relationship which ended earlier this year (see outline in earlier post in this blog), and my ex just recently spent 5 days in Sydney with a really decent sort of guy, which seemed to go well.

I know a lot of people part with rancor and ill-feeling present, with the overriding sentiment being "Can't wait to see the back of them", but that isn't the case here. My ex knows she can talk with me if she wants an honest opinion on anything - professionally or personally, and that's the way she & I have evolved from each other - we are definitely better friends than we ever were previously.

*shrug* I know it's not what everyone does or sees as what they would prefer to see or do - then again, what's 'normal' anyway? .. but it works for my ex & I, there's no blurred boundaries, just honesty, openness, and not one bit of covertness or underhanded dealing in any way, shape or form.

Hope that makes sense, and even if it is not what you'd be used to or would prefer to see, at least be happy knowing that there's no hidden agendas with me at all. Treat everyone how you'd want to be treated - a saying & a practice that has served me well for the majority of my life, and you're right, no-one is perfect, but hey ... practising to attain the unattainable has it's own rewards and challenges too y'know! :-)

Speak soon,

love myst xox

Posted by: mystril at August 31, 2009 12:26 AM

women who trade up r probably insecure an feel vey cant make it on their own, lackof emotional inteligencewhich in reality suggests that this type of person r basically leaches n best 2 b avoided, through counselling vey may b able 2 turn thier lack of self worth into a more pos position- maybe!, intmail.

Posted by: intmail at August 30, 2009 8:46 PM

ellow myst : )

" . . The memories of what was once are put through a sieve and if you can keep the best of that going forward, then you do both yourself, and anyone else you might have in mind a huge favour by not painting them with a suspicious or tainted brush.
" . . .

I really like your attitude and I know you haven't got it all figured out yet or are perfect at it - but I can see you are trying.

What you have said above is the reason I have a particular problem with "separated" people. As I feel that by it not being finalised, it indicates that there is still stuff there and they will then look through the filter of that stuff at their new partner and attribute negative behaviours to them, when they don't infact exist - it's just that they are still seeing their old partner (emotionally speaking) and through their unprocessed pain. So damaging to the new partner's sense of self, as they could only just want to love you and not have any mal-intent at all. But may respond negatively to that person's unprocessed "stuff" - I hope that makes sense? I'm sure it does.

Luv Glitter xo

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 30, 2009 2:40 PM

Umm, yuh, Myst, it's the little dark button with the white writing - it's on the right hand side, sort of in the middle. This is sort of reminding me of an old boyfriend I once had - he he he >:)

G.

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 29, 2009 5:09 PM

Just take it niiiice n slow Mingle . . . any sudden movements and you could very well lose a limb. But you're doin' fine, juz fiiine "sweetie".

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 29, 2009 5:05 PM

Hey myst "Any man who says he can see right through a woman is sure missing a lot."

You're going to get on well with the sistahood - Alove x

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 29, 2009 4:04 PM

Mingle, never fear. The shy shorts aren't a regular thing. That photo was whilst doing a ride up through some trails in the Brisbane Valley on mountain bikes. Riding up there and calling into small towns along the way for food and to resupply water etc we decided the shy shorts might be a good idea so we didn't scare the locals in our lycra. Besides, posting a pic in the lycra might attract the wrong sort of woman......one who can't resist great legs with rock solid bulging muscles. :-) Although, maybe I could increase my chances..........hmmmmm.

Normally I ride one of my road bikes on weekdays and mountain bikes on weekends where I have more time to be able to drive to and from the trails. The road bikes are good for being able to finish up with work for the day and just roll out the door for a few hours riding. Sure beats watching crappy TV of an evening by myself.

Posted by: icycle67 at August 29, 2009 1:13 PM

Oh yay... Kaz is clapping her hands with joy... some very funny guys joining in the mix!!! Love guys who are able to articulate in print!!!

Mingle... Sooo right about the self-doubt and vulnerable thing! We had what we thought was the dream... and how easy it all came crashing down around us!!! But that self doubt hopefully keeps us grounded in reality... protective mechanism really, hey? :) Krazy.

Posted by: karen59 at August 29, 2009 12:57 PM

Glitter - I better not get too cheeky too soon, lest I risk the collective wrath of the sisterhood clipping me upside my head!
True what you say though about R&R'ing after a parting of the ways. The hole that gnaws at everything that meant anything to you really does repair over time and even quicker with positive focus. The memories of what was once are put through a sieve and if you can keep the best of that going forward, then you do both yourself, and anyone else you might have in mind a huge favour by not painting them with a suspicious or tainted brush.

onemore - I'm sorry you had a similar experience - yep, it hurts like hell at the time, but good friends, good company and good humour, like that which you canna fool me you haven't got, stand you in good stead and help with perspectives and re-focusing on all that is left that can be good. You're doing a pretty good job methinks; sure you'll have good days and other days not quite there, but it does get better!

karen - Yep, all the mucking about with html codes for line breaks, when the simple ENTER key is your best friend! Typical of a fella to make it more technical than it has any right to be hehee.

Thank you all for your great welcome and the PM's as well - very much appreciated and it is great to see light hearted banter to'ing and fro'ing between like-mindeds here, and mature discourse blending with playful sniping - it a cool thing to see

Anyway, off to do some work - sleep well everyone, and here's a thought for the night, for our ladies here to smile with ...

"Any man who says he can see right through a woman is sure missing a lot."

Night all!
myst xox

Posted by: mystril at August 28, 2009 11:53 PM

Hey guys, good to see a few more blokes posting here :)

what i really wanted to ask you icycle is when your going to come out of the closet and trade those shyshorts for proper lycras !! mmmm stretchy pants make you feel gooood 0.0 c'mon you know you want it !!!

Glitter you got it in one sweety , its all about baby steps at first isnt it? :) (inches a step closer to the femme fatale and grins nervously)

And folks, just to add to the spice of life, after you meet someone nice and it all seems to be going well , a person still suffers from self doubt. We will feel vulnerable in our new relationship because there was a time before where we thought it was the real deal and that didnt work out.

It takes some time before you completly trust yourself, your new partner and the new relationship and there are no shortcuts in this , no words that will help, because that trust only comes slowly through first hand experience.
Even if things are going exceptionally well a person mistrusts that feeling cause some nagging doubt about it being to good to be true creeps in.
Funny humans, arnt we?

remember the old saying ,, He who dares ( to wear lycras) wins 8)

Posted by: mingle48 at August 28, 2009 11:30 PM

Virgo ~ he IS cheeky! Did you see he's new and he's already trying to wind me up. The sheer cheek of the man . . . mmm I LIKE that! Grrr-rr-rrrrrrr ;-)

Glitter xo

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 28, 2009 9:39 PM

Willow, you do make me laugh sometimes. . . I can remember you "welcoming" me to the blogs all that time ago . . . (before I lost my innocence haha).

I can see you in a nice skirt suit and little hat standing at the rsvp door, smiling and saying "thankyou for shopping at rsvp, we look forward to seeing you the next time you shop with us"

Well it worked for me, 'cause I came back. . . .

God-bless-ur-cotton-socks.
Glitter xo : ))

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 28, 2009 9:33 PM

Willow (1.45 pm)... Those scarves sound positively dangerous... could poke an eye out girl if you're not careful!!!

Posted by: karen59 at August 28, 2009 8:53 PM

Hi Mystril, great profile, welcome to the blogs - enjoy!! Nik

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 28, 2009 8:51 PM

Posted by: icycle67 at August 28, 2009 12:14 PM

No offense, but have you ever considered a name change. To me I cant get that image out of my head of Bruce Willis stabbing the guy in the eye with an icicle in die hard two or three. Lol

Nah only kidding :))

Posted by: tassiedude1 at August 28, 2009 6:42 PM

Glitter,

On the re-written profile front, yes and I have seen it done. A guy browsed me and he had the tooliest profile in the world, insinuating he was famous, saying he couldnt say much on his profile but he was someone kind of special, how noone would be disappointed in meeting him as he was one of those rare special people in the world who would take your breath away.............I mean seriously, I was laughing so much I couldnt stop.

He then sent me a kiss when he had changed his profile to read more like mine, he clearly got I would rather have my intestines dreadlocked than go on a date with someone like that.

Like I said before, I think some people would be anything you wanted, and tell you they were including 8 legged, purple haired, green faced space aliens when a dark haired two legged human faced man was standing right in front of you.....but he would straight faced tell you he had purple hair and a green face and 8 legs

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 28, 2009 6:02 PM

Posted by: unknownauthor at August 28, 2009 1:51 AM ...getting very, very funny visions of you sporting all of your...not quite right...scarves:)))

Posted by: istj53 at August 28, 2009 5:43 PM

Hello willow - thank you for the welcome.
Looking forward to contributing with some verve, vigor and not an insignificant amount of sass 'n feist!

Virgo, Pot .. Kettle .. whistling ;-)

myst xox

Posted by: mystril at August 28, 2009 5:33 PM

Oh and Icy . . . if this makes you feel aaany better about your kisses . . . get this:

Just had another kiss from a guy:

1) 3 children (under 10)
2) separated
3) LOVES (i mean loves) watching TV sports
4) doesn't DO any sports AT all
5) wants a 'vixen'
6) tells me he's sexy and 'user friendly'

At least 1 to 4 I have made an absolute point that I don't want these things in a partner (my choice) as I want (eventually) a family of my own - and to be SEPARATED!!! I mean W.T.F. - that has to be my pet hate (clean up your past before you embark on the future - it just feels dishonest and unfair to me - can also = unresolved Issues). Just my thoughts.

None of the about is directed at you Icy-lycra-pants, just venting, as we doooo.

Glitter : ))))))))))

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 28, 2009 4:51 PM

Hi Myst,

" . . .Bugger that, just be yourself, get busy living, be the best person and retain positive focus and take the best elements of what you had with your ex and smile. . . "

Right On Brother!!

That is the way that you are going to get back to your happy life and have every chance of having another great relationship if that's what you want. At the beginning it can be tough, and some days you have to "fake it 'till you make it" but mostly it just gets better and better. And I've found, that "the better it gets, the better it gets", if you know what I mean.

Most important is to take care of your health, eating, exercising, sleeping (the basics), which can also be hard at first due to total lack of motivation. But after a little bit and with some effort - you find yourself waking up and going "hey, I kinda feel good today" and then it all rolls on from there.

Then you get to rediscover things that you loved and had possibly let slip by the wayside - could be a hobby, some friends, a course - I don't know what it is for you - it's a rebuilding process.

I'm glad you have decided to join in - we like nice men here on the blogs - to balance out all the "chick talk" and give us a man's perspective.

That goes for you too Icy - you're funny and I have a feeling we will get to see more of your personality as time goes by. I definitely enjoy your posts. And I am definitely going to go to that planetarium!! Oh and yes Icy, I find it a little creepy too - but mainly I just want a man to be who he is, not what he thinks I want - like a chameleon, changing himself into whatever he "lands on" only to later, not be able to hide the truth of who he is - that can only break BOTH your hearts and lead to disappointment. . .

Glitter xo

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 28, 2009 4:12 PM

Ahhh... the miracle of the E N T E R key!!! Use freely and at R A N D O M!!!

Hey Myst... what a sad story... but such maturity shown on your part! Read your profile... sounds great... good luck in your search! Kaz :)

Posted by: karen59 at August 28, 2009 2:48 PM

Mystril, that must have been pretty tough going on you, I have to say, I associate with what you went through and have had similar myself.

I am always sorry when I hear that people have been through things like that, as it's the unknown, the confusing and just doesn't make sense........at least if there was cheating, incompatibility etc there would have been answers.

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 28, 2009 1:54 PM

Unknown - I learnt to knit from an early age but never how to cast off or to make shapes other than rectangles. So I have many scarves that are as long as the M1 still on the needles.

Posted by: willow29 at August 28, 2009 1:45 PM

Hi Mystril, welcome to the blogs and thanks for sharing your story with us.

Posted by: willow29 at August 28, 2009 1:44 PM

Hey Mystril....

Another lurker comes out of the shadows...that's a very cheeky grin you wear...!!!

Virgo...:)

Posted by: virgowoman2 at August 28, 2009 1:36 PM

Glitter: a big ole Leo GRRRR backatcha! ;-)

Icycle, yah, thought pressing Enter might work, but in preview before post, it reverts to one big block para. Strange, but no biggie.

*Now, how to make a bigger block post to get Glitter Grrrríng some more .... ;-) *

Posted by: mystril at August 28, 2009 12:54 PM

Hi Mystril - another lurker comes out.......

As for line breaks - I just use the 'Enter' key as I'm typing in the comments box and it puts line breaks in...???

Glitter - Me being somewhat underwhelmed with contact, one one hand I'd be flattered that someone was that interested in me that they would do that but on the other hand, it would be creepy at the same time. Alas, I seem to have more the opposite issue where I get sent a 'kiss' or unsolicited e-mail from someone who seems to have nothing in common with me, or is significantly outside my preferred age bracket, or is living in Russia, Mexico, the Philippines etc. Being on RSVP certainly involves a lot of learning as to what goes on. I have found reading the blogs over the past months has helped in this regard. There has been stuff happen that I thought only happened to me but the blogs (or at least those on the blogs) have made me realise it happens to others as well.

Unknownauthor - supposedly it's not the length of scarf that matters, it's what you do with it.

Posted by: icycle67 at August 28, 2009 12:14 PM

O Ohhhh, we've got another "block poster".

MYST . . . Grrrr : )))

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 28, 2009 11:54 AM

Hi all - I agree with virgo, Bob et al, in that the difference between loving and being IN love is astronomical and can often lead to misunderstanding in a relationship. My ex remains a wonderful person - warm, witty, beautiful inside & out, with 2 equally lovely kids from her previous relationship. We lived the reality & dream - what we both thought was a perfect relationship, but giving 100% does not a successful future guarantee necessarily. All I knew, after 2 years of magic, was that after a trip to NZ with her boys, the night she came back, I got the "I love you, I know I do, but I feel nothing inside for anything ..." suffice to say it was devastating, especially since the one subsequent meeting we had to discuss how to go forward resulted in her telling me that I treated her like a princess, that it wasn't me or anything I had done, that there wasn't a third part involved ... made it all the more confusing as to what had happened. Not having a reason the other party is prepared to outline to you can make it that much harder to recover from. When everything is going great, no indication whatsoever of anything going wrong or even an inkling, then to have that landed on you ... well, it can be soul destroying when you know you're In Love with the person who committed equally (or so you think) to you, only to find out it is not In Love they feel when the unexpected occurs. I simply thanked her for two years of what were some of the best feelings in my life, wished her well and moved on ... tough to be sure, but necessary. I know I am a good person, that I treated her and her family with equal respect, love, excitement and commitment, and that I left nothing off the table in the relationship. To this day I do not know if cheating was involved, but whether it is or isn't, to me that isn't the answer on how to live your life - one of wondering or dwelling about the What If's or What About's. Bugger that, just be yourself, get busy living, be the best person and retain positive focus and take the best elements of what you had with your ex and smile. Baggage too heavy to carry is best left at the airport you depart from, not carried with you through life anyway! Anyway, nice to be finally involved in these blog discussions - have hovered and read for a while now, so nice to 'meet' some of you here. Cheers, myst xox P.S. Tried the usual codes for line breaks so that this wasn't one big para .. didn't seem to work. Any ideas? Cheers!

Posted by: mystril at August 28, 2009 11:23 AM

Ellow you lot!

I didn't know where to put post this one, so I'll put it here:

Question: what are your experiences with people sending you kisses and then when you check out their profile - you think to yourself . . . now that person has rewritten their profile after reading mine and then put in a liberal sprinkling of things that match mine - almost everything . . . I get the feeling they see a man/woman they like the "look" of and then edit their profile to be more appealing to that target and in their ideal partner, they describe you almost exactly?

I know that sounds completely paranoid, but I have got that a few times and well being on rsvp is a learning curve - not for the naive . .

Have you had or suspected that??

Glitter *things that make you go mmmmmm*

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 28, 2009 9:52 AM

I also like scarves. me dear departed mother knitted on for me when i was just a wee wee lad. as I got older she taught me , well nearly taught me how to knit my own. it never worked as well as hers. she knitted scarves and jerseys for all the family, plus socks. and never from a pattern. she could make them up in her head.

I also like Dr Who , who wears that ridiculously long one...........

Posted by: unknownauthor at August 28, 2009 1:51 AM

Wicked sis...... hadn't thought of that!

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 27, 2009 10:31 PM

No doubt good for "lasso-ing" hunky french men jist passing by too!! Then your sure to keep warm!!! Oh la la Nik!!!

Posted by: karen59 at August 27, 2009 6:14 PM

Ta Perth for that tip, I have some lovely cashmere ones which are light but warm, bless the wonderful Salamanca markets in Tassie! Hope it was a bit warmer for you today, it was a bit cooler for us, very pleasant.

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 26, 2009 10:32 PM

Scarves are good in Europe Alove. Wrapped around your neck for warmth of course, and also look good and for sudden snowfalls, over the head and sometimes a bit over your face if the wind gets cold. Love scarves, have heaps from all over the world and they are so useful at times.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 26, 2009 7:41 PM

Oooow Perthy... I can't do the electric blanket thing... forget it is on and wake up with nightmares!!!

Posted by: karen59 at August 26, 2009 10:12 AM

I think we're going down to about 1 deg. in the morning. Have the electric blanket on again tonight, it's cold. It is such weird weather at the moment and such wild weather in NSW. I'm hoping no majors for a while, although everyone is worried again about fires in Vic. We;re just really cold here, few high winds but not a lot of damage thank goodness. So looking forward to the summer this year, fed up with the cold.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 25, 2009 8:47 PM

Don't worry Kaz, it's just a little drizzle (hehe), enjoy your Sav Blanc, flashes, it's a bit cooler today only got up to 30 degrees we're due for a cool change coming thru tonight, i.e. 26 degrees tomorrow.

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 25, 2009 6:50 PM

Nik your last post re 18 degrees at night... would have to be the polar opposite to what I am experiencing right now!!! Freezing cold, gail force winds, torrential rain .... and hail stones!! Ah Melbourne... ya gotta love it!! But what the heck... sipping on a Sav Blanc.... noice!!!!
Mwah!! Kaz. Whoa... flash of lighting as well...!

Posted by: karen59 at August 25, 2009 5:41 PM

Sorry Perth but its nearly midnight, my house is still wide open, I've taken the doona and blanket off the bed, 18 degrees tonight, it is just too hot to sleep, everyone keep blogging for us Qld'ers, I know some of you are cold but sometimes it's easier to get warm than it is to cool down. I don't normally need air con at the house as I'm close to the water and get lovely bay breezes but this is ridiculous. Work air con carked it today - not nice - boys please wear deodorant - I know it's not the girls at work - only two of us on the floor in my area. Nice smelling men get a big tick from moi!

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 24, 2009 11:56 PM

Hey Kaz and Glitter, No I don't have a laptop although my business (me!) is buying me one after xmas, soooooo, you may have to wait until I get back, ah it's only 2 weeks, you'll be fine. Yes cold it will be, 7 degree tops (I'm hearing you Perth!) but I have a big coat, new boots, leather gloves.....and I cannot wait. I am just so excited.

The beach would have been better than being at work with no air-con and a bunch of sweaty men but as a Pom and fair skinned I'd be burnt to a crisp after 1 hour!! The Coast was good Friday and Saturday though, just right.

Oh, the soup sounds divine, I don't care if I live on baguette and cheese and wine for the two weeks, I just want to be there.

Glitter - moisturize, moisturize, moisturize!!!

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 24, 2009 9:54 PM

Unbelievable Alove. I heard on the radio today how hot it is in Bris. We are still really cold here, electric blanket and woollen jumpers during the day and we have this cloudy cold stuff going on. It really is cold this year and apparently have an average of 5 hours daylight a day. Yuk horrible stuff. I hope you get snow, I really do, but even if you don't, it will be lovely and the food is delicious. Try to get out to the country a little if you have time, it's stunning, beautiful and the food is even better. I have friends who live in England and twice a year they rent a little cottage in France in the countryside to get away and relax. They just wander in the little village, buy lovely cheeses and fresh produce and drink the beautiful wines available. Although I like the Aussie wine better, European wines are a bit tart now I've tasted our beautiful ones. You get the drift though. It is absolutely beautiful and a spectacular city. I think one of the wonderful things about Paris is there is no other city like it in the world. Your photographs and memories will be magnificent and I do hope it snows for you. I'll cross my fingers at Christmas and do some wishful thinking.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 24, 2009 9:36 PM

Hey Lovey ~ Paris is good an all - loved the onion soup with the bread and cheese melted on it in the centre of the soup - yum, had it every chance. But I warn you - it is F#@%ing freezing there at Christmas - take very warm clothes, gloves, thermals, etc.

I love the weather here on the S/coast - spent the whole day on the beach parked under a pandanus tree with a pile of books, and a stash of yummy food n drinks - occasionally got up to go for a swim - had the beach virtually to my self. Bit sunburnt now : ).

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 24, 2009 9:23 PM

Okay NIk! That sounds muuuuch better! I thought you might have been doing a shopping stop over!! I am sure Paris will be spectacular at Xmas time. How are you going to keep us updated on your trip? Do you have a lap-top...? I am sure your days will be full, but the night owl in you could keep us informed!! Ha! Yeah right... I hear you say! Kaz xxx

Posted by: karen59 at August 24, 2009 6:24 PM

I've got my fingers crossed for snow Perth, it will be very different this year from having champers and cold seafood and salads. Will really feel like Christmas. After the weather here today I really am looking forward to the cool, it went up to 35.5 at work and the air-con died, not nice.

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 24, 2009 6:14 PM

Christmas in HK isn't much, but Christmas in Paris will be lovely. Hope you get some snow, so pretty. I still remember as kids when we would wait for the first snow flake to fall and these beautiful patterns would appear on your windows. I think everyone should go somewhere at least once in their lifetime and experience snow falling, especially at christmas time.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 24, 2009 3:37 PM

I think it's sad when people talk about 'trading up' partners. It's almost like chucking out a poor defenseless animal because you have found a prettier one. These kind of people have no comprehension of the consequences of their actions and how much hurt they inflict. Many people nowadays don't seem to move out of the initial attraction mode and into a reality mode and think their whole life is going to be giggling and flirting. Reality leaves them reeling in shock and they are out the door looking for someone else to feed their egos. I don't think people are developing individual interests enough nowadays either, becoming their own person and as they begin to age there is just a veneer left with no substance. No amount of makeup and giggling sexuality is going to be enough to interest a thinking person long term. I guess some older guys would just get bored and think, hey, why bother with the older giggler, I'll just get a younger version. Same as an older woman who can't bear the stereotypical older male who groans and moans and falls asleep in the chair every five minutes. Well, he's a big dud, I'll just get a younger one. All sounds rather like a supermarket purchase than an in depth relationship.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 24, 2009 11:17 AM

What you talkin' 'bout Kaz, leave 22 Dec, i.e. my comment this time in 4 mths will be touching down in Honkers (i.e. 10.20pm at night), 4 hour stopover only then on to Paris, get there 5.50am 23rd. Not Xmas in HK but Xmas and New Year in Paris - hope it snows, I've never done a snow angel!!!

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 23, 2009 3:45 PM

Xmas in Hong Kong... that should be interesting! Lovely to have something so special to look forward to. My sister and her husband did 3 weeks in France in January this year. They had a wonderful time and their photo's are spectacular. You is a lucky girl! Kaz xxxx

Posted by: karen59 at August 23, 2009 10:01 AM

Kaz!!!! Glad you had a fabulous 50th and Pink!! Wondering when you'd come up for air.

Paris - 4 months from today - we fly out 22nd December, this time in 4 months I should be touching down in Hong Kong - I cannot wait. So exciting. Good to hear from you sis, Nik xxxx mwah!

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 22, 2009 10:19 PM

Hey Nik... how you doin'? How long to Paris now?

Posted by: karen59 at August 22, 2009 7:52 PM

Thanks for the Crown Plaza restaurant recommendation, I'll keep that one in mind, maybe all the Qld bloggers could make that a rsvp get together - in the New Year when I've started paying off my fantastic plastic after Paris!! It was just so nice at the Q1 though so we just settled in there for a couple of hours. Was hoping to lunch at Palazzo Versace or Marina Mirage but never mind - they'll still be there another day.

I would love to be able to get up at 5am for the gym, it's so easy after a big day to flop in a chair and say I'm not going. Sadly I've never been a morning person, the alarm clock gets a severe bashing every time it answers back (snooze alarm). Maybe I'll try again now it's getting lighter earlier.

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 22, 2009 7:21 PM

Alove, I highly recommned the Crown Plaza's revolving restaurant buffet by the way and the lobby bar there does an amazing lychee martini :-)

Thanks for that info, I didnt realise you could get up close and personal, that certainly would be a fab thing to do when she comes over.

Oh you will notice Alove, I never blog late at night, I am up at around 5am most mornings, then head to the gym around 6am, am always in bed like a good girl by 10pm :-) I am just not a night owl, I am day person generally, although every now and again I can party like a rockstar, not too often.

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 22, 2009 6:34 PM

Don';t you live on the Gold Coast Onemore, the tigers are there at Dreamworld.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 22, 2009 6:13 PM

Have to ask Onemore and sorry to be intrusive but.......how on earth do you stay up so late (or early) to blog. I'm a night owl and generally don't get to bed until 11.30pm - 12 have to be up at 6.30am for work but I see you blogging at all hours - what are you on and can I have some? There just ain't enough hours in the day - my life is a bit like that Bon Jovi song - I'll Sleep When I'm Dead.

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 22, 2009 5:40 PM

Onemore, Gold Coast just at Tiger Island at Dreamworld, lots of different options to select from, just go online, you can choose group photos with them, etc. I'm not a fan of theme parks and rides but do have a huge interest in animals, was wanting to go when they were cubs but they are just so gorgeous now. I was going to put up the photo of me stroking Lani but instead of looking at the camera I'm looking at her and it looks like I'm about to cry - my chin was on the ground in amazement at this beautiful creature. In the afternoons they take one of the younger girls around the park on a lead too so you can always try to get a pat in there although you aren't allowed near the head - they do get crowds around them though. I also watched the demo they had on their behaviour and got a great shot of one of the males diving in the air to catch a piece of chicken, may post that.

Today I was at the Q1 on the Gold Coast, observation deck is on the 77th floor, amazing, they also have a bar so you can get a nice antipasto platter and wine or cocktails (cosmo's yum). Fantastic view and such a really beautiful day today - very hot.

I guess I haven't blogged on the movie site as there wasn't much happening there, we all seem to gravitate over here didit, I will have a look though - ta! Nik.

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 22, 2009 5:36 PM

Why aren't you guys putting your quotes etc on the Movie Blog site (to keep it going?)

Posted by: diditforlove at August 22, 2009 12:17 PM

Alove,

Where did you do the tiger cuddles, sounds amazing? I know I heard you saying you were on the Coast (did you mean GC or SC?) I have a friend coming to visit from the UK and if its up here, I would love love love to take her to do that.

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 22, 2009 5:12 AM

Has anyone watched "Sensitive Skin" on ABC1 at 10.00 a.m. tonight. Joanna Lumley stars as a mid aged woman sort of at a cross roads in her life. It's very low key, but extremely good and thought provoking.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 22, 2009 12:35 AM

That's it, James Caan. great film. I enjoyed the Upside of Anger, it really showed some raw emotions and pretty real at times I would think. And the twist was excellent and really gut wrenching and very sad. That film really had a beginning, middle and an end and, I guess, really humanised everything.

I envy you, sunshine!!! How I would love the weather to be warm here. The tiger sounds beautiful, well they are beautiful. Have never touched one and always thought they would be fairly sleak and smooth, not wiry. Magnificent creatures though.

I hope all the bugs clear up quickly, colds and flu are terrible at the moment, although we all had a flu shot at work and doing pretty well this far. I have doonah and electric blanket turned on tonight, wind is blowing a gale and rain hitting from all directions. One cat is snugged up beside and my dog is asleep on the carpet. Daughters cat is snugged up in a shoe box in the cupboard. Not sure why, but he is. I can hear the wind humming outside, it's just weird.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 21, 2009 11:07 PM

Got it Perth!! James Caan, that was getting to me. The Kevin Costner one is "The Upside of Anger" very good movie, keeps you guessing and you'd never figure out the twist at the end! We need a trivia blog site.

Supposed to stay down the coast this weekend but flu has hit the household, went down there today, and will for a family lunch celebration tomorrow but all need to get well, this up and down weather isn't helping not to mention going into air-con at work.

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 21, 2009 10:48 PM

Yes, that was so long ago but still one of the best movies. Psychopathic obsession, scary stuff. Still trying also to remember the male lead. There was another film I quite enjoyed recently with someone I can't usually stand, Kevin Costner. Played a washed up DJ and lived next to a woman who thought her husband had walked out. Odd film but pretty realistic I would think and the kids were fabulous actors.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 21, 2009 9:59 PM

I hear you Onemore with regard to sexism. But I am sure you surround yourself with people who share your views on this issue. I certainly do. I doubt that I would be able to make any sort of connection with someone who held sexist views.

But I certainly don't get fired up about someone holding an opposing opinion to my own. I respect their right to hold their own opinions. The only time I would get fired up is if someone tried to 'impose' their views on me!!! Then I would burst out all guns firing!!!

Posted by: karen59 at August 21, 2009 9:54 PM

Perth quite hot here today, I know you don't want to hear it, I'm a bit pink from the sun, had my photo taken with a beautiful tiger, a 2 1/2 year old female, she was divine, not soft to touch like a domestic cat, quite course hair. Such graceful animals, the males weighed 180 kilos each and one at 200 kilos, had my photo taken next a mould of one and it was nearly double my height - I am in awe of these majestic creatures.

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 21, 2009 9:50 PM

Perth I remember Misery, and it was Cathy Bates although I can't remember who played the writer who she tortured. That was unbearable to watch, I squirmed, she was so evil. My favourite Harry Connick Jnr movie is Hope Floats, just a darn nice movie.

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 21, 2009 9:48 PM

I think as soon as women were able to earn a decent living their whole attitudes towards men began to change immensely. Power and money is a lethal combination for the unsuspecting bloke. It also, of course, made it much easier to divorce and play the field. I think this had more impact on the typical stereotypes than really anything else has in our lifetime. I suppose the crunch comes at times when you need to think of what you are looking for in life, rather than who you are looking for in life. I sometimes think the two thoughts become mixed at times.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 21, 2009 8:24 PM

Oh that one with Harry Connick junior was so freaky and so scary. He really turned into a believable monster in that one and how ugly was he. Do you remember years ago Alove, Misery, I think Cathy Bates, another spooky one and the part where she breaks the guys ankles. Oooooh, I still remember that bit ! Yes Briget Fonda, very good actress without all the foofle around her.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 21, 2009 5:44 PM

Hahahaha,

I just have one caviat on that one Kaz............my sexism issue, I would fight anyone to the death for it. Its the one and only issue, that from the day I was born, I was horrified by.

I wont bang on about it, but its the one, the one that is guaranteed to get me totally fired up and on the absolutely bloody minded warpath :-)

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 21, 2009 5:27 PM

Hey Guys,

Here's the thing, 'opinions are like bums, everybodies got one'!

I have many strong opinions and convictions in life... they are mine and I have every right to them. They have formed as a result of my own experiences and are real and defining for me. I don't for a minute expect anybody to agree with my opinions but I do expect people to show tolerence and respect for them.

I could not be so 'self-opinionated' as to think I 'knew it all'... therefore I listen, value and gain from all that people have to offer...

Listen and Respect... challenge if you feel the need... but always with the aim of seeking clarity and understanding... never with the intention of undermining or belittling the views of another!

Well, that's my opinion anyway! :) Kaz.

Posted by: karen59 at August 21, 2009 4:36 PM

Glad you liked it FG .......x

Posted by: whenharrymetme at August 21, 2009 4:24 PM

FG! Dude. . . .eeeuuuwww. I got a visual and I don't know you well enough.

Big G.

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 21, 2009 3:14 PM

Amber - I love your posts.

Glitter xoxox

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 21, 2009 3:12 PM

Wow, thank you Amberlight, very kind of you to say.

Really well put too and I agree, Seal is absolutely gorgeous, his eyes and smile just light up anyones day, imagine seeing that smile and eyes as you came through the door after a hard day, would be wonderful. I love Heidi Klums humour, quirkiness and that she really does laugh at herself, seeing her in sit coms is testament to that.

I think you put what I was saying much better than I did, I went for the quick (but sounded harsh) money vs looks trade as its the easiest to explain, you took the time to explain other trades that are in relationships that eventually balance out to equal.

Oh gosh though, you did make me wonder if I am a 'Maggie' as I always go for calm, supportive men. I truly hope I am not that stern :-)

Have a fab weekend all.

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 21, 2009 1:54 PM

Sorry glitter. . . All ready taken. Mrs Palmer and her five daugters keep me busy... We go way back..:))

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at August 21, 2009 11:19 AM

Perth,
18th Aug @ 10:39 PM,
I think the examples you gave are exactly what Oney was talking about.

Sophia Loren had an awful childhood and Ponti gave her exactly what she was looking for, security and love. It also helped that he was able to assist her ambition to become an actress as well!
Maybe she stayed with him because she never quite believed her own publicity, and so she remained "unobtainable" to her male fans. Maybe she just loved and appreciated him for making her a success.
But it was a "trade" nevertheless.

Jackie and Onassis had a fairly horrible marriage, (I think she realised her mistake quite soon after marrying him) but like Dodi with Diana, he wanted her because of what she represented, 'class' and acceptance by the 'establishment', not necessarily for the PERSON she was, and he spared no expense to get her.
She was flattered by his devotion and attention after being treated as an appendage by JFK, but soon realised that, like most driven men, she was really just a part of his ambition.(one of the 'things' he had always wanted)

Rhea Perlman and Danny De Vito are pretty well matched in the looks department as far as I can see! And have similar values and humour. Maybe that's the secret to their success? Equals?

Heidi and Seal? Well apparently it was a his body that first attracted her to him. And other than the fact his face is a bit scarred, I agree! He laso has gorgeous eyes!
They are both successful in their own areas of life, they truly love, respect and are very proud of each other.
He had an awful child-hood but he has dealt with his demons, doesn't have life-destroying anger and resentment towards his own parents and is a great father and husband. What more could any woman want?
So in essence they are equals.

Denis and Maggie Thatcher were intellectual equals. However, she was the one who was the politician, he wasn't. They loved each other dearly, she always said she coudn't have done it without him.
A strong and complex woman married to a calm, supportive man who never embarassed her or cheated on her. He loved and admired his wife and was NEVER afraid to say so, also he wasn't jealous of her success (how many men you know of are like that?).
He lived his own life and never minded being her support person.
Different but very equal and much appreciated by his wife.

I don't think these things happen by accident. Good partnerships are about people meeting a need in each other and appreciating each other for what each person brings to the relationship.
Without appreciation and respect a relationship won't survive. Without appreciation and respect, love won't survive.

While I think at times, Oney can be a bit harsh, she is an honest realist.
I think the man she finally ends up with, will appreciate that the most about her!

Posted by: amberlight58 at August 21, 2009 11:17 AM

Sorry Perth, wasn't meaning to correct you, just found it spooky that it came up on the blogs when we were talking about it last night.

Loved the movie but it scared me like Fatal Attraction scared the boys, thank heavens I have a family member share my house with me (and we hate each others clothes - she's tall I'm short, she tries to get into my shoes but wrecks them). I do love a scary movie thou and that is one of my favourites, like Cape Fear (love De Niro) Copy Cat (Harry Connick Jnr and Sigourney Weaver).

I was by myself earlier and the house seemed so quiet and empty, was chatting to the phone to a dear friend, heard a noise behind me, turned quickly and cricked my neck - ouch!! Perth I just had to have another glass of red - the best cure!! Stay warm!

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 21, 2009 12:26 AM

That's right Alove, Bridget Fonda, Knew it was the daughter of someone famous, and, of course famous in her own right. It was a scary film, very well acted and I would think very real at times. I suppose the scariest thing about it would be how easily it could really happen with a psychopath on the loose.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 20, 2009 10:38 PM

I loved that movie - love scary movies - and horror!, just can't get anyone to come with me as no-one else seems to like em : ((

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 20, 2009 10:29 PM

FG, Bro, do yourself a favour, go get yourself a root - it's bin a while hasn't it brother? . . . . But didn't you say you'd be in Perth soon (location) . . .maybe you guys could hook up? Just to check her TV aerial mind, with that ladder of yours - as the doves had gone and bent it all with their rutin. I'm sure she wouldn't mind if you stayed the night . . . : )))

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 20, 2009 9:55 PM

Damn scary movie, Jennifer Jason-Leigh and Bridget Fonda, we were only talking about it last night for some reason here at my house.

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 20, 2009 9:47 PM

Gosh, How the women in Afghanistan struggle and with the elections coming up, what a challenge. How brave and passionate they are fighting for the basic right to be educated.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 20, 2009 9:09 PM

Or even worse photoshop the photos!! Yikes.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 20, 2009 9:04 PM

Was single white female the movie where the young woman gets the flatmate from hell. A real psycho who tries to take over her identify. I think that was Vanessa Redgraves daughter, spectacular looking girl and a good film.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 20, 2009 9:02 PM

Yes, Grumblebums and Negative Nancies are pains. There's just not enough time to be like that. Years pass too quickly to mess around. Would like to retire to a couple of acres one day and get involved with animal rescue and conversation or something like that. Not quite sure but it would have to be something pretty busy plus I like pottering around. Have to see, decisions to make pretty soon, although I still mostly enjoy my job and the company I work for is still hiring. Every 6 weeks they are getting a new intake of people so it's extremely busy.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 20, 2009 7:49 PM

hey Harry..

loved your last photo. Beautiful shot. I have a similar one to that in jeans.

Posted by: feelgood76 at August 20, 2009 7:34 PM

Tell you what Perthy, that post about you in your teens got me hot........:)))))

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at August 20, 2009 6:48 PM

Unlike some (anyone seen the movie single white female?) I seek noones approval to be who I am.

People who sit and snidily make digs, constantly feeling the need to over and over again try and belittle, criticise and be rude about people are in fact, the nasty awful people......not the ones who express emotions, empathy and care for others.

I mean, how much must someone really be getting to someone that they have to keep posting about it, needing to make those lovely little digs about them?

I am who I am and I need noones permission to be it................and seriously, question whats going on in someones head that they have to keep bringing it up over and over, to passive aggressively criticise.

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 20, 2009 3:44 PM

Yes Yes, I am so boring, loud and proud. I have nothing better to say or talk about than feelings. I am going to be alone all my life and think I may go out and airbrush my photos being that I fit all the rest of the 'hated mould' just to get the complete set. I am such an evil horrid person as I talk about 'feelings' and 'emotions' and show care and compassion for people.

What an awful person I am

I guess maybe I coudl go all 'Oh my god I love you, I love you, I must meet you, oh you are so great'

No though, doesnt really suit me

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 20, 2009 3:15 PM

Perthy,
I could not have said that any better. I agree with you 110 percent. i would consider it very hard to live a life on edge, looking for a fault, they doomed before anything have even started. Communication is very important, in every aspect of live. How can we get to know someobody if we can't at least give them a chance to come remotely close. We were all young once, and we all dress for success. Looks fade, age creaps up on you, eventually. But then some people get more gorgeous with age, expecially those that laugh often, and care about others around them. they have a light shining from within, that will attract goodness and happiness into their lives, no matter. Negativity attracts just that.

Posted by: luciemanette at August 20, 2009 1:44 PM

I think nice is nice. I like nice people who have a great sense of humour and loads of energy. People who are constantly looking for alternate meanings to everything you say and do and looking for faults really irritate me. A lot of them watch too many takes of Dr. Phil I think and just become total bores with an inflated sense of self. Too boring at every turn. Give me a person who can laugh and smile and laugh at themselves and laugh with other people any day of the week. I think the people who try to anazlyse every word and movement are just pretty boring and do it because they can't actually hold a decent conversation with anyone and are always looking for the negative to inflate their self worth.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 19, 2009 11:33 PM

Of course Karen, but some people are more stereotypical nowadays and can only think one way. Look at Sophia Loren and Carlo Ponti, Heidi Klum and Seal. Jackie O and Onassis. Looks have really nothing to do with it, presentation does. Danny de Vito and ....Pearlman and the list goes on and on. I believe it's absolute rubbish to think that looks always attract looks. People should complement each other not clash. I think some people read, and sadly believe too many articles in New Idea. Famous one I suppose Napoleon and Josephine. Maggie Thatcher, impeccably groomed at all times, hugely powerful and Dennis.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 18, 2009 10:39 PM

Yep... nothing changes Perthy! But good looks fade... so a bit foolish to rely on them for success eh!

Posted by: karen59 at August 18, 2009 8:40 AM

When I was late teens, twenties and a size 8 with spectacular boobs and enough money to dress really well I could just about get any job I wanted. I had blonde hair almost to my waist and huge green eyes. This was in the time of Twiggy and Mary Quant and Carnaby Street in London. Fashion and looks were almost everything and although I had some pretty good skills going on, looks took precedence. Knowing how to use those looks was a skill and gained entre to a lot of things a plainer person didn't enjoy. The young guys were dressed to the hilt, french fashion was also just hitting Australia and if you were successful or going to be that's how you presented yourself. For these young guys going places they wanted the young women on their arm who looked the part. So you see, nothing has really changed. Men and women changed partners and cheated in those days, just as they do today. I think the only thing different was it was kept quieter, it's wasnt blared out to the world. The hurt was handled behind closed doors and you always presented a brave face in public. I have to admit I rather like it that way and don't like people airing their dirty washing or playing the victim as I still believe the best revenge is success.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 17, 2009 11:38 AM

I think it might have been Karen. The pictures show this Irishman standing on the wing of his half submerged plane rapidly sinking and three English guys wearing funny hats in a Kayak turn up. The Irish guy had lost his radio so the English lads radio for a rescue helicopter and this little Irishman is winched to safety. The guys in the kayak tried to get him to swim over but he couldn't. It's amazing, one of the guys in the Kayak even recorded it on his mobile. Shame they missed breaking the record though, so I hope they get heaps of recognition for it. I think that must be the luck of the Irish.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 14, 2009 10:20 PM

Is that called 'the luck of the Irish' Perthy?

Posted by: karen59 at August 13, 2009 9:56 PM

Bob - I hear you loud and clear.

Posted by: woodnwine at August 13, 2009 8:33 PM

Glitter, Did you see on the news, the three English guys trying to break a record rowing in the Irish Sea. This sounds like a joke, but it's true. An Irishman was flying his light plane to an air show in Ireland and the plane crashed just about in front of them. The three young fellows radiod emergency for him and he was winched off his rapidly sinking light plane. One of the rowers had a beenie with red horns, gorgeous. Anyway, Irishman was saved from certain death and the young english guys did thiss amazingly good deed but unfortunately didn't win the race.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 13, 2009 8:31 PM

Agree entirely Glitter. A lot of too much, too soon stuff at times I think. Sometimes I think there are too many preconceived ideas of how a person should behave, speak, react etc. So far as justifying myself to anyone, that's a total put off for me and if anyone has preconceived ideas of who I am, that's their problem, not mine. I want to have a conversation with the person, get to know what they're about. I don't want to hear about their exes and all the dramas, too boring.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 13, 2009 8:28 PM

Glitter, absolutely indeed so long as both people are upfront thats great.

I had a sneaky wolf in sheeps clothing last night actually. Kiss from a guy saying 'I think we could be friends what do you think?' I mean, I could have read that as he wanted to be friends, but I thougth I had better be sure. He sounded like a guy I had a bit in common with but physically not at all a match.....never would be, no matter how great a guy he was......but had a science background, sounded a nice guy and I wouldnt have said no to a friend like him, but friends only, so I sent the reply Kiss of 'Looking for freinds only and if thats fine, then great'

Of course, I never heard..................so glad yours did turn out just friends and they werent just using that as a way in where there usually wasnt one...which I am better this guy was doing and friendship wasnt his goal at all.

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 13, 2009 5:44 PM

Hey Woody,

We might be talking at cross purposes. Where you are fed up justifying yourself; through no fault of your own, I was saying that does become an issue...but I guess I'm more the masochist...I accept thats a part of meeting the great woman, and will persevere for however long it takes...if she is that great woman.

Mate, I've been alive now for 54 years, and never truly been in love (as in smitten) so, when I am, nothing will put me off her...not even years...if thats what it takes to gain her trust....simply because she will be worth any sacrifice I need to make.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 13, 2009 4:46 PM

One, about not wanting to build anyone's expectations or waste anyone's time: the last 2 "dates" I went on, I made it clear at email stage that I was just wanting kayaking buddies and to make friends at the moment - an they were fine with it - and we had a great time doing just that - kayaking. No pressure, no misleading, no expectations other than doing something together that we both enjoy. It was fun and so nice to not have all that emotionally loaded build up.

People have to remember too that rsvp is a "social networking" site, a place to meet like minded friends. I am using it in that way predominantly at the moment and as long as you are upfront in your profile and initial contacts and they agree - it's all good.

Glitter

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 13, 2009 4:35 PM

Mr Boof, I'm whatever suits my evil purposes at the time : )))>

Woody, you have to ask? You, the kind, gentle one and me, well the not so very kind or gentle one : )

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 13, 2009 3:56 PM

Wood, I get where you are coming from and to me I get puzzled why women like that are dating if they would put those barriers up.

Like I say, quite openly, I really am not bothered about dating, am quite happy as I am. It would be very wrong of me to start leading men up the garden path to drop them like a hot potato six weeks later, as I just didnt fancy playing anymore.

I am quite open about the fact I have no intention of giving chances, taking risks, jumping in or any of the other flavours of that.........as I absolutely 100% dont want to build anyones expectations or waste anyones time.

So yeh, can see why it gets annoying when women or men who dont want to date, do it anyway.

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 13, 2009 3:55 PM

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 13, 2009 2:12 PM

Who are you calling pidgeons?

Posted by: woodnwine at August 13, 2009 3:01 PM

Glitter - I understand that but I don't want to be caught up in it. I don't want to have to justify or prove myself because a woman hasn't gotten over her last disappointment yet. We are all different and we are all innocent until proven guilty.

Posted by: woodnwine at August 13, 2009 3:01 PM

Bob - I've been taking a break. Did I read your comment at 2.14 correctly? It seems a bit at crossed purposes with what we were discussing (at least me and I thought you). What I'm finding is mostly peopel who put up barriers, are unwilling to take a chance, to find out if something will work. Yes, there are many looking for instant perfection but that, I think is a seperate issue.

What I was talking about was meeting people who have been hirt or had their trust betrayed and now they're not willing to let their guard down.

Sure you have to be careful but ultimately you have to be brave and give things a go.

Posted by: woodnwine at August 13, 2009 2:59 PM

Hey Glitter,

So...you think you are a fox.....self praise is no recommendation!!:)))))

Cat/pigeons...fox/chickens..which one are you...hmmmm!!

Me...boof/head, d%&$/head!!

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 13, 2009 2:41 PM

Hey Woody,

'Cause it's all part of the healing process. Blame and anger are usually the second phase, after denial, shock and disappointment. Just like the grief cycle.

You go in and out of these stages, backwards and forwards, until you come to acceptance. Some people stay longer (or even get stuck) in one or other of those stages and don't move on (usually get stuck in blame) and that's where a good friend or counsellor can help. Or, even the blogs . . .

Glitter xo

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 13, 2009 2:21 PM

Hey Woody,

Where have you been hiding mate? Actually, when I made that comment, I was thinking about you and a few of the guys that blogged back when...it was a pretty constant theme.

People get hurt all of the time; gaining trust can take a long time....so, in a place like this where everyone is in such a hurry to meet Mr or Ms Right, how do you do that unless you are sincerely in it for the long haul?

Most people on these sites are looking for the quick fix..instant happiness etc...first sight of someone with a need to build trust first(which means investing time and consideration), and they are off looking for the next quick fix.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 13, 2009 2:14 PM

Good good, Bobby - I'm glad. Didn't think you were anyway. Was just being a fox amongst the pigeons :-/

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 13, 2009 2:12 PM

Posted by: karen59 at August 12, 2009 5:50 PM

yes we are,when you have been here for as long as I have, had several makeovers and are still looking then savvy is one thing i am

Posted by: unknownauthor at August 13, 2009 12:04 PM

yes - I agree!
short tem - not ready for committment? long term - looking for committment, with the right person.

One thing I think is sad on here, sometimes people tend to think that there is committment just because there's been a couple of dates, and build their hopes around that person. Committment before compatibility? Some very scared of life people around I think, desperately trying to fill a gap in their own lives? and that's sad.
and this is both men and women.

Posted by: russianballerina at August 13, 2009 11:13 AM

Posted by: willow29 at August 13, 2009 9:14 AM

Willow - I can sympathise. (dating) Life doesn't need to be so hard.

Posted by: woodnwine at August 13, 2009 11:01 AM

oneoption - finally I agree with you. I've met several predatory women through RSVP.

Posted by: woodnwine at August 13, 2009 10:57 AM

Hi Bob - it's been a while. I can agree with you about some of us having to pay for the past sins of others and frankly, I'm fed up with it. It seems we constantly have to justify ourselves and our intentions because of what others have done. I say .... build a bridge and get over it. Everyone has hard luck stories to tell but why blame others?

Posted by: woodnwine at August 13, 2009 10:54 AM

Hey Girls,

Dont look at me as any sort of victim; I only let women use me for as long as it amuses me to allow them to do that. So Glitter, no..you are not the bad guy here, but thanks for your concern:))

Oney (thats easier),

Dont know about other guys....I do know a few who are bastards, no doubt at all...but I know I am kind and generous, but do hurt women on occasion, but totally unintentionally...my enthusiasm can run away from me totally, and I end up causing grief; totally the opposite of my intention...its a work in progress..imagine what I would be like if I actually got smitten by a woman!!!!

Hi Willow,

Good news...for me...no hair to tear out; but yeah, seen that many a times myself..and felt it too...girls like bad boys...then come crying to you when they get hurt..duhhhhh!! Your friend sounds like he is me...do we actually know each other somewhere??

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 13, 2009 10:44 AM

That's what it means to me, Sweetenuff.

Posted by: willow29 at August 13, 2009 9:45 AM

Long term for me just means there is an intention to find a partner and be in a committed relationship somewhere down the line.

Short term means no intention to "settle down"..not necessarily casual dating but at this stage in their life they are not looking for someone for the "long haul".

Am i wrong??

Posted by: sweetenuff67 at August 13, 2009 9:21 AM

Bob, I totally sympathise with your comments. I had a good male friend who is just about tearing his hair out doing exactly what you said. He feels that the girls like the "bad guys", but his good nature won't allow him to resort to being "bad". And why should he?

He is a lovely bloke and he is either treated with unfounded suspicion from "once bitten" girls, or, as you say, it appears he is trying to hard to convince them otherwise.

I hope he finds the right woman looking for the right man.

Posted by: willow29 at August 13, 2009 9:14 AM

Hey Bob,

I know, I hate that B)()**rd label. Men in my opinion are far from it. I believe a mans true nature is of huge kindness, warmth, giving, earth father like heart............and I believe that is the reason for the huge amount of male depression as their true nature is being cut, stifled. I believe its in mens nature to nurture, more than women, more often than women now, when I look at couples, the male is defintiely the most suitable main parental role, as men are kinder, warmer etc at the core, men are teddy bears........nothing B*(&*)*rd about that :-)

Unfortunately, wounded men will act like they believe their own hype. Just as women know where to shoot men, men know to shoot women in their security, their physical appearance and committment.

Women shoot mens places just as much

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 13, 2009 4:16 AM

Bob, hate to say this and be the bad guy (gal) - stop it you are starting to sound like a victim too. xo

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 12, 2009 11:33 PM

Hey Russian,

Funny, we guys hear we are all bastards all of the time.

I didn't say the good guys dont have success...I said it just makes life that much more difficult...we have to convince women that we are good guys..which can seem like trying too hard too.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 12, 2009 9:14 PM

FG, twice a week for me, living separately, going dutch on dates and holidays is about as long term as I would get :-) It does vary so much though when you think about it, we need to come up with a whole new set of definitions I think.

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 12, 2009 8:21 PM

Long term is longer than their last relationship! Could mean anything!

Posted by: karen59 at August 12, 2009 8:09 PM

Kaz ~ at August 12, 5:50 PM

Totally agree with you there. Blogs are the best bit. At the moment, I find it hard to take the rest seriously. Just enjoying you guys at the moment.

Glitter xo

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 12, 2009 8:06 PM

Yep, wot she said (one). I've had wonderful boyfriends for the most part and not all men are preditors - ahhhh der . . .

From a woman (me) who just wanted what she wanted at the total disregard for what the man wanted. I shocked myself. Talk about predator repulsiv-or.

All better now in Sanity Land (and no, that is not an institution).

: )))

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 12, 2009 7:45 PM

I read long term relationship on many profiles.... wonder what long term means to some..??

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at August 12, 2009 6:46 PM

hey Bob - thanks for the praise:)
Do women assume that all men are bastards? I don't think so - we wouldn't keep trying would we, if we didn't really think there was hope out there.
But do the good guys really suffer? I really don't know, but is that maybe an excuse - blaming other men for their own no success with women?
Just a thought - just wondering.

And selecting right - ah, if only!!!
cheers

Posted by: russianballerina at August 12, 2009 6:40 PM

Hey Bob, sorry, dont agree with the men being predators or less genuine thing, not at all.

I think men would love women to think they are predators, probably would make them feel studly and lead swinging, but in real terms, dont think men are any more predatorial than women. Most women I know are more competitive than any man I know being honest, are much more likely to pursue relentlessly without care to what anyone wants but themselves. I have seen women have their sights on something, how predatorial they are, then lose interest just as quick and walk away onto a new prey.

Men do a lot of talking about how they are a lot of things, I truly believe women are actually more naturally swung toward.

From the 'men driven by libido' absolute myth which I believe was created to subdue female sexuality due to fear of how uncontrollable that can actually be.......through to this so called men being competitive and predatorial, which look around Bob........women are the worst.

Men often claim what we are, predatorial I think is more woman than man :-)

Just my view again............I dont think women are any better than men.......we are all human..........sometimes we do believe our own hype though, men especially.

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 12, 2009 6:22 PM

Hey Guys, I have discovered that the best part of RSVP is the blogs. I am more interested in logging on to read what you guys have all contributed for the day than checking out the profile of recent kissee's!

The blogs have encouraged me to take a much more light-hearted view of this whole dating scene. Yeah there may be players on this site ... who cares... we'll weed 'em out... I think we're a pretty savvy bunch!

Posted by: karen59 at August 12, 2009 5:50 PM

Hey Onemore,

I think that women on these sites are a better possibility of being genuine than guys. I'm not so sure that women would tend to get on here to intentionally use men...yeah, there are golddiggers etc; but I think they are in the minority.

Guys being predators will look to things like dating sites as hunting fields...get in, make a few quick kills, get out. Move to greener pastures; then return next season.

The guys that are genuine then receive the backwash from this from the women that have been caught and used...we have to contend with the "all guys are bastards" etc...so we become a bit gun-shy because we feel whatever we do, it will be wrong...its a vicious circle.

I think all we can do is try to learn from our experiences...dont carry bitterness forward...its not your fault that the last few people I met were users. Just be a bit more selective with your choices, but without being too harsh. I know its easier said than done, but bitterness may scare off the guy or girl of your dreams, leaving you even more bitter.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 12, 2009 5:05 PM

Hey Karen,

I agree with you there, I think people here are so bloody grateful to get a kiss, often they respond positively for the wrong reasons rather than the right ones, if that makes sense. Its absolutely nothing personal to anyone at all, I just think some people on date sites, a lot actually....maybe arent genuine.

I was chatting to Bob the other day and we were saying about how only 30% are genuine singles ...........he argued it was actually much less when you take into account the number who think they want and are ready for a relationship only to find out they are not.

I say add onto that the fantasists who also would force a square peg into a round hole by any means, who come crashing down and realistically, you are probably only looking at a 5% genuine rate on here.

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 12, 2009 12:12 PM

Hey Sweetie, I have had the same issue. I have sent out 2 kisses recently... received a positive response to both and then emailed. I have then received an email back but nothing further on my reply. Sometimes I think guys ( and maybe girls too) respond positively to a kiss without really putting any thought into it. Then when they get an email they do the " Oh, shit I better reply! So you get a pleasant reply then nothing more. Does that make sense? What do you think?

I have to go back to work for a Committee meeting tonight ... oh yay oh yay oh yay!

Posted by: karen59 at August 11, 2009 5:44 PM

Posted by: karen59 at August 10, 2009 9:40 PM

If only Karen. A man that makes music would be great to have around...it would be lots of fun...am sure with a little help my singing could get a bit more tuneful.

The last 4 guys i have emailed (yes they said they wanted an email) have not bothered to reply...i could have spent the money on a couple of nice bottles of wine and met y'all for a drink in the park and had more fun!!!

Geez...

Posted by: sweetenuff67 at August 11, 2009 8:14 AM

Shock horror - hold the phone - I agree with Perth, Dusky - sockit to him. And I would add, what are you doing on a daily basis to make yourself feel better, and raise yourself up from the awfulness of it?

Ask yourself, what do I like? What do I want? Who am I, and keep on saying it until you get some clarity. Maybe even visualising yourself how and where you want to be, not where you are right this minute. . . and put some energy into that each day.

Luv and support to you. Glitter xo

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 10, 2009 10:11 PM

So Nik and Sweetenuff... Do you think Rob, Chad, Scott... etc. might be on RSVP... Maybe one of those password required profiles... ewwww if only! :)))

Posted by: karen59 at August 10, 2009 9:40 PM

Hey Kaz, love Rob Thomas (don't know your son lovely Virgo), Chad from Nickelback what about Scott from Creed. Mmmmmm..... I also love the Il Divo boys, beautifully groomed, in a suit, classic. Class all the way. Nik x

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 10, 2009 7:52 PM

Dusky, I'll third what the girls are telling you! Go for it, you deserve better than you have received. You have a fabulous profile, a love of the arts and life, go get it girlfriend. Welcome and enjoy the blogs, they are fabulous people here, they will give you great advice, be friends when you need one and believe me there is always someone here to support you. I wish you love and luck!

Also Welcome Truarty! You will find many animal lovers here, I love all creatures great and small but am very partial to cats.

Enjoy, Nik x

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 10, 2009 7:50 PM

Posted by: karen59 at August 10, 2009 5:32 PM

Ohh la la Karen..you are on the money there :)

Posted by: sweetenuff67 at August 10, 2009 6:54 PM

Dusky, sorry to hear all that, horrible for you.

Unfortunately whilst women are still taking on so called womanly roles and not being 50%/50% with men on income and house stuff, then this still happens. I long for the day there is equality, where women dont stay home and men dont work and all those gender things that end up with these situations.

I doubt it will be my lifetime, but I can only hope that it really becomes 50%/50% as this is a classic example of why women shouldnt take so called stereotypical womens roles in life

Its not womens work to raise children, nor is it mens to provide money.

So sad and sorry when I hear these stories though..especially yours Dusky Its why I dont agree so much with trade in relationships, where one earns more tha the other, one is more attractive than the other etc etc....as when they come undone, they come really undone in my opinion

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 10, 2009 6:38 PM

Dusky... your ex is a low-life... I could say so much more about what I think of his behaviour but I'd say my post would be screened. Take Perthy's advice and go for the jugular... the guy needs a wake-up call!
You are well rid of him!!! 32 years... you must have been devastated! Life can only get better for you!

Posted by: karen59 at August 10, 2009 6:01 PM

Thanks Virgo... I had a very relaxing weekend... just what was needed! You to I hope.

Mmmmm... Rob Thomas... ahhh... I can only dream!

Another hottie.... Chad Kreuger from Nickelback.... what do we think girls?

Posted by: karen59 at August 10, 2009 5:32 PM

Second that Perth - go for it Dusky!

Posted by: willow29 at August 10, 2009 4:59 PM

Dusky, you don't need to wait for him to put in documents. Get your solicitor to hit him with a disclosure doco and he will have 30 days. If he doesn't disclose he can be charged with contempt. The situation comes under the 'feminisation of poverty', a standard created especially for women who are married to pretty powerful men and shut the money off. These women were unable to fight financially or were so overwhelmed they couldn't go on. The law is there, use it.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 10, 2009 3:33 PM

Hey Everyone,

new to posting my thoughts on here, but I like to comment on the good or not so good looks topic. For me there is a first recognition when I look at a photo of a guy. I like humour in a man, a kind of twinkle in the eye. A warmth of spirit that comes through. The only wish I have is that he is a bit taller than me..hahaha... My experience is such, that very good looking guys are usually very arrogant and up themselves. God only knows why, when their personality doesn't match their looks. Looks are only skin deep and fade quickly in a relationship that is not loving.
A man who has integrity, honesty and truthfulness is far more appealing than a handsome book cover. Well that's my two cent worth. Have a nice day everyone...:)

TRUARTY

Posted by: truarty at August 10, 2009 2:27 PM

My ex, a husband of 32 years always said he was going to trade me in on a younger model. At nine years younger I had always replied I was the tounger model but I had no idea of the blow I was to be dealt to both me and our children.
His younger models and yes there are many are boys he picks up at the beach in Pattaya they are in their teens and he pays them. In Sydney he uses twinkie prostitutes and when he is in Thailand in his waterfront apt. He uses the thai dating service and the beach. He has rescued some with illness, one from military service and others from abject poverty. I have many gay friends and that is not the problem it is the way he groomed be to be the corporate wife, while I was such a young innocent to the wiles of such a creature. My esteem is at an alltime low, living with Mum and with no money until he deems to put in his docs to court, which is now more than twelve months down the track. Yes watch out for the corporate boys they are proving themselves to the boys club all the time with the high life and the secrecy too.
Good Luck out there with them all. they all have their achilles heel and secrets

Posted by: duskybyrd at August 10, 2009 10:13 AM

Hey Kaz,

Hope you had a splendiforous weekend, and that you're ready to tackle another week..!!

I love listening to Rob Thomas too...and I absolutely adore him as well, because that's my sons name..!

He gets such a reaction when he rings a restaurant to book dinner, and they ask him for his name...stands there on the phone, puts his best sexy voice on and says...it's Rob Thomas....:))))))

Luv Virgo...:) xoxo

Posted by: virgowoman2 at August 10, 2009 9:53 AM

Also - what is it with men who seem to fall in lurve after 5 1/2 minutes, declare that they're there long term. So clingy and so needy that any woman will do? these types have become my immediate turn off

Posted by: russianballerina at August 10, 2009 7:04 AM

Posted by: feelgood76 at August 8, 2009 6:53 PM
Seems to me that many men feel like they are not up to the challenge in having a strong minded woman, opting for the get out of gaol term".. but i'm i nice guy..."

OR - they just try to cut her down to size, to appease their own lack of strength and self-esteem. Once she's there, and in lurve, just a tad cruel and harmful.
Women may need to take responsibility for their initial choices, but you don't know what you don't know.

Posted by: russianballerina at August 10, 2009 6:58 AM

Hi All,

Might have been a bit misunderstood.....I think that a woman I like wont choose me...nothing to do with whats going through her head. I dont cry about these things...she will never know my disappointment...its not her concern anyway.

I am the sort of guy that loves on a woman what I call "flawed beauty"....a few creases around the eyes, laugh lines etc, etc. I am not into younger women at all...I like the women of my generation. There is a certain look that will strike me every time...I cannot describe it to you; but I know it when I see it. My perception of beauty will be very different to lots of people....but there needs to be a beautiful person inside too.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 10, 2009 3:29 AM

Hey Ladies

I saw Pink on her second night here in Sydney..she was fantastic yes...she puts on such a great show..real entertainment!

I loved Jimmy Barnes the other night tho...

Enjoy Karen!

:)

Posted by: sweetenuff67 at August 9, 2009 8:24 PM

and also - why do some men fall in love (with love?) so easily. promise long term - whatever - after 5 1/2 minutes?
says so much about them, sadly

Posted by: russianballerina at August 9, 2009 8:13 PM

'Many Blokes rush in and end up in love in two days.. Then after the reality sets in... big shock not only for him to his partner aswell that has just fallen in love too.. '

yes - and I just had a XX from a chap whose heading included - "Never judge a book by its cover"
(I don't have a photo up yet.)
His kiss included the request for me to send a photo password.
HUH??? right hand - tell the left one what you're doing!!!
I think that's so funny!

Posted by: russianballerina at August 9, 2009 8:11 PM

Kaz we've got similar music tastes, enjoy Pink, some workmates have seen her in Brissie and said she was fantastic! Enjoy.

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 9, 2009 7:19 PM

Oh Nik... I love Rob Thomas... just listening to him now! Bought tickets for Feb 5 2010! Off to see Pink this Friday!
Love a shaved head to!!!
Hope you are enjoying your weekend! ;)

Posted by: karen59 at August 9, 2009 2:57 PM

I like to think that I bypass what a guy looks like when I first meet them and go straight to the personality. But it isn't quite true as there has to be some sort of physical attraction in the first place for me to consider going on a date with him. However I don't have a type. I have dated tall, short, bald, long-hair, and so on. However once I have found that thing that makes them attractive to me physically, and it may only be the smallest thing like nice eyes or long eyelashes or a nice smile, it is more about the personality. Because the way I see it, to be truly beautiful on the outside, you need to beautiful on the inside as well.

Posted by: krisellys at August 8, 2009 11:51 PM

Ta sweetenuff, just my thoughts but glad you agree. Jealous about the concert you went to, I saw him many years ago when I was about 20......at the Mansfield Hotel in Brisbane which was as rough as guts back then. Brilliant Cold Chisel concert though. Love them.

Feelgood, there is only one Michael H and he did it well, take that song on your second date and maybe on your third use Slide Over Here and Give Me A Moment - You're One of My Kind. lol. I loved his voice. I hear Rob Thomas from Matchbox 20 is doing a cover of Original Sin and also Never Tear Us Apart - interesting stuff.

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 8, 2009 9:45 PM

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 7, 2009 11:04 PM

I have to agree with you there, a man with a bald or shaved head is very sexy. Long hair is a real turn off for me.

And yes, while there is a "look" that i like, its not classically "handsome"...more the twinkle in his eye..the lovely smile..just something....

:)

Posted by: sweetenuff67 at August 8, 2009 7:42 PM

Surely the way a person looks is such a small part of the whole package. I have seen really attractive looking people clomping around like a duck and not so attractive physically people moving gracefully and then you get the screachers, the bad tempered and on and on it goes. Attractiveness has to go so much further than looks in my opinion, it has to be about character, intelligence wit and charm. The connection with another person is attractive and that is something rare. If it's just about looks no one would ever get past the first stage and never get to really know the person.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 8, 2009 7:23 PM

And Alove now i can't singing that song...

I'll break that out on my next date after two days,,, haha

Posted by: feelgood76 at August 8, 2009 7:04 PM

Hi oneie

To answer your question, No. not superficial at all... I quite like a woman that goes after what she wants and more importantly knows how to get it. There is a difference in that, The woman showing self confidence (without the upturned nose..) will win the heart over the woman that tries to be the hooker on heels.

I have found the more confident ones (woman) like an equally visual man. Why not.. Blokes too. Any one who says.."no need to look at the mantel piece while stoking the fire.." might not be happy in all areas leading to the on going roaming eye. Seems to me that many men feel like they are not up to the challenge in having a strong minded woman, opting for the get out of gaol term".. but i'm i nice guy..."

Men don't play fair...!! To a degree that's ture.. Maybe they should think somewhat before they dive in... no pun intended!! On the other hand the woman is equally responsible in not choosing wisley from the start.

All the whinging from a guy to me means grow some family jewls and get over it... Either shape up or ship out. These guys are boys not men. Simple.

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at August 8, 2009 6:53 PM

9 Time, thank god for copy and paste!!!

Hahaha FeelGood, you just described every date I have ever had for the past 8 years :-) when you said 'Many Blokes rush in and end up in love in two days.. Then after the reality sets in... big shock not only for him to his partner aswell that has just fallen in love too.. '

Exhausted me and drove me potty.

Question though............would you call a woman superficial by liking the visual side of things, thus wanting a visually pleasing man etc?

I find that you see, I play fairs fair, so I will go for a physical equal, I will for a man with values of that my own. I will not go for a lovely personality and no looks whilst he 'being male' can make decisions based on the physical.........especially fi he would have the cheek to blame me for making the exact same judgements as he does.

Thats what gets me, men dont play fair......they cry and whinge about women judging a book by its cover, not giving them a chance as they are a nice guy.........but these women, are women who are physically more attractive than them, yet seem to think they are the only ones allowed to make that judgement on looks.

Not sure what your opinion is on that FeelGood?

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 7, 2009 11:04 PM

How true Feelgood, as I've told Bob earlier, it can be the way a man smiles, a twinkle in his eye, a crinkle when he smiles, his confidence - it is all individual. Some guys that I've found irresistable my friends thought were ugly, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Oh and bald guys, the story goes that your "dome" is a solar panel for a sex machine...... not sure......think I may have just done a favour for some of our follicly challenged males as your profiles are being hit as we read!! Please do not do the comb over, it is so horrid, look at Donald Trump. Try shaving it all off if it's receding, very nice indeed. But, sigh I'm a Bruce Willis fan and he was never more sexy than when he shaved his head. Sigh again.

I'm currently emailing a guy who has commented that people judge by the photo, so true, but I try to read the profile first then ask for a password, well I did this with this one and we're enjoying wonderful long emails, I cannot wait to meet him, he has a bit of a twinkle, lets see if he has it in "real time".

Don't ask me, cos you know it's true.... yay for Michael Hutchence, fantastic song.

Nik x

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 7, 2009 11:04 PM

Hi Ladies...,

Well it's true, men like the visual side of things as much as the physical.. i have been in both situations that onemore has mentioned, met women who have been really good looking, who have become less attractive because of their personality... And i have been attracted to others that are less pleasing to the eye but with a look that captures a hidden nature that keeps the mind racing... The chemistry can range from a certian smile, to a stare, to a great walk with a look back !! ( then i try and look back and step into a pothole or somthing..!) To me that's what makes a woman interesting, creating curiosity.. I think being fair starts with yourself, then develops into truth as the relationship unfolds. If your not true in what you seek from the start it may lead to further distance later on. eg break up.. Many Blokes rush in and end up in love in two days.. Then after the reality sets in... big shock not only for him to his partner aswell that has just fallen in love too..

Don't ask me........?

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at August 7, 2009 10:37 PM

Yep, I hear you GB... 'critical' was perhaps not the right choice of words.

Yes the 'wife' story was scary... but I do think most people on this site are honourable. Just a reminder to me to be careful. Unfortunately, there may be a few unscrupulous folks who use this site to further their own selfish agendas.

Posted by: karen59 at August 7, 2009 10:02 PM

Hi Karen, don't I don't think I said men were more critical of women's looks exactly. Refer to WB's post - she said it well.

Obviously you have to have initial attraction, but as time goes on, and I mean quite a bit of time, the man's looks become "less" important and them as a person, their personality becomes more important.

That's more the gist.

Have a lovely weekend.

ps that story about the wife really scares me. I want to trust and believe in people. That they can be good an honourable - is this just a fantasy? I don't think so, because I have that to offer, so there must be good men out there that have that to offer. I don't want to become jaded.

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 7, 2009 9:40 PM

Hey Bob,
Here you are, putting yourself down again! Okay, I am going to let you in on a little secret. Something you cannot tell about me from my RSVP photo's is that I actually have a lazy eye, with independent suspension and a will of it's own. When I am having a down day (which is rare) I look in the mirror and hate what I see... but for the most part, I have lived with it for nearly 50 years (ouch! 19 August!) and it is a quirky little part of me.

GB's comment about guys being more critical of womens looks is true. I would say most fancy something that looks good on their arm and that they can tuck away in their 'glove box' when not required. So if a woman's appearance is NQR then they're in trouble.

Having said that... if someone was to judge me on appearances alone... I would tell them where to go in no uncertain terms. And someone who was so shallow would not be someone that I would want a relationship with anyway! I value myself as person independently of my looks.

So, for those people who are so concerned about honesty in photo's, my photo's are recent and a true representation of me... but some people may determine that they are misleading on meeting me... right?

Posted by: karen59 at August 7, 2009 6:30 PM

Escapism... well said Brettski!

Posted by: karen59 at August 7, 2009 5:35 PM

I am not so sure about looks being less important to women, but guess we have to ask the guys.

I am sure guys have met women who have been really good looking, who have become less attractive because of their personality, as much as probably met many women who when they first saw, wouldn't look twice at but for whatever reason, be it work, social situations, mutual friends, have become attracted to after getting to know them and then found them very attractive.

I think because we say men are driven by looks, often they feel they should be, its those generalisations I think that kind of ruin things for genuine relationships, or fair dating being honest. All should be fair....hence I would never date a man who wasn't good looking, who wanted a good looking woman, as then he would be wanting something he doesnt have to offer....I would see that as unfair. Just as the same, if a man wont date his own age, I wont date him either, so these men who's maximum age limit is younger than themselves.

I don' t accept my gender as to why a man should ask for something different to me. I cringe when a maybe not so attractive guy has on his profile 'don't judge a book by its cover' etc etc and wants a woman to see whats on the inside, but you just know all he is messaging are women who from traditional values is far more physically attractive than himself, hence the need to ask them to look beyond his cover....yet he isnt doing the same, or having that same open mnd.

Just my two pennies, as normal

Hope everyone has a great weekend and happy dating :-)

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 7, 2009 4:17 PM

Hi WB,

I agree with what you have said regarding looks being less important to women, especially as time goes by in a relationship, as it deepens - the looks sort of almost disappear and the personality is what we see and are in love with.

G.

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 7, 2009 1:01 PM

Well said, Waterbombe.

Posted by: willow29 at August 7, 2009 12:38 PM

I haven't blogged for a while but I am working at home today and just chanced on the RSVP blogs for a distraction. I was moved by your comment Bob, about your fear that a woman would leave you for a more attractive man. I can only speak for women, I think men might see this differently because they seem so much more hooked on appearance. What I think happens is that after a while, your partner's appearance changes. As you grow to love them, they become increasingly attractive. You no longer see just their face. You always see their face with an expression on it, and the expression is cheeky, or thoughtful, or sensitive, or wry, or considerate, or passionate...I could go on, but you get my drift. She knows what all those expressions mean. A face is no longer just a face to a woman who knows and loves you.

Men might be different, because I think they place more importance on looks than women do, even when they've been in a relationship a long time. But you're looking for a woman, Bob, and I reckon looks matter less to us.

Posted by: waterbombe at August 7, 2009 12:04 PM

Personally, i think cheating is based on a deep rooted insecurity that can manifest itself when people choose not to deal with current circumstances they feel are out of there control. I'm not here to expel anyone else's circumstances, nor my own, as they are all to familiar to us. But love isn't blind. Everyone will have a wandering eye now and then, but depending on your current circumstances in a relationship in terms of if your emotional/physical needs are being meet by your partner is more of an issue rather then how attractive someone comes across to us. When these needs are not being met, we as humans will search for it elsewhere though our friends/ family/ workplace or social gatherings for that stimulation to feel wanted and needed. And if we are morally correct, we will integrate these ideals into our current relationships and be able to function and work through our problems. But if the problems are deep rooted in someone psyche then they may cheat in due course as they are manipulated in to something that is more enticing then feeling afraid of the possibilities that things are out of control with there life. Escapism somewhat.

So male or female, we know what we are physically attracted to, but are you emotionally in control of yourself ?

Posted by: brettski011 at August 7, 2009 10:51 AM

Hi Hybrid,

It's very hard when a person leaves you, especially if you've been with them for a long time...they somehow become part of you, part of your heart, and your whole being.

And yes, the insecurites of not having that person walking beside you, and being there when you need them is very scary.

My theory was...I opened the cage door and let the bird fly....if the bird came back...it was mine...if not...it never was.

Virgo...:)

Posted by: virgowoman2 at August 7, 2009 10:13 AM

I've seen pictures of Bob...and I find him very attractive...but Bob, Perth is right...your positivity and general support and encouragement of others are your strong points...you are not often negative so it stands out...and I think I am in the same boat as you, and many others here...I just never meet anyone with mutual zing...so just keep having fun with my good friend Pat Malone:))))

Posted by: istj54 at August 7, 2009 9:59 AM

Hey, I will be honest, I need both looks and personality. I wont accept looks on an absolute tool as much as I cant get all cosy and lovey with someone who doesnt appeal looks wise who has a wonderful personality.

Anyway, thats just my honesty.........I need both looks and personality, a great personality isnt going to want to drive my passion......great if I want a new best friend, but nothing more.

Anyway being I am married to Bob, he cant be that bad :-)

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 7, 2009 9:27 AM

Bob, personality wins over looks - and you've got personality in abundance.

Posted by: willow29 at August 7, 2009 8:48 AM

Hi Krissy. Welcome to the blogs. Hopefully that will be the first of many posts from you.

Posted by: willow29 at August 7, 2009 8:47 AM

Bob, I kind of got what you meant about what that lady said 'we are the people everyone loves but noone will be in love with'.

I get that............I seriously, really do :-) I'm in that club too, but I love myself just twice as much so it doesnt really matter. I romance myself, I treat myself great, I make sure I am happy and I comort myself when I am down. I am really the best partner I could ever be to myself.

I am one of those people, but it doesnt make me sad :-)

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 7, 2009 5:07 AM

The hardest part is to say "no" when a person leaves you. Especially when your insecurities want them back.

Posted by: hybrid15 at August 7, 2009 2:43 AM

Hey Perthy,

I dont really care what people think of me...I present the real me pretty much all of the time...I have my up and downs like most people.

We all talk about being truthful about ourselves to others...this is also a part of me...some of the negative, if you like.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 6, 2009 11:29 PM

Hey FG,

I guess what I am saying is "jealousy" is a pretty general term to describe a lot of different emotions. I am not jealous of people or what they have etc...good luck to them. Jealousy is used to describe in me what is personal insecurity....and I keep it personal...until now, of course!!

Bob

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 6, 2009 11:09 PM

Jealousy is such a negative and damaging emotion. The only one who feels the pain is themselves as the other person doesn't know how you feel. Seems like a huge waste of energy to me and achieves absolutely nothing. I think Bob you should drop the dialogue in a hurry and change it to something more positive. Negative dialogue like that will put a damper on any new meeting you ever have. Couple that with jealousy and you have a mix for disaster.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 6, 2009 11:02 PM

Now stop that Bob or I'll come down there and have you re-instated at the Zoo, before I jump off the bridge. I've never seen a photo of you nor does it matter to me, you have tenfolds of personality and likeability over the "pretty boys", you care about people, you make people laugh when they are down, how could we all not love you, everyone is attractive in their own way, the way they act, a twinkle in their eye, a crinkle when they smile. Tenfold Bobbles. Nik x

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 6, 2009 10:56 PM

Well i'm not jealous of anyone. Got nothing to be jealous about. If someone has done well in their life, good for them.!
If i was a jealous type i'd be in a fight every ten minuets... My ex is as beautiful as they come..

I don't see the point of being jealous...I'm happy enough to sit on a headland and check the surf..

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at August 6, 2009 10:42 PM

Hi Guys
I am new to RSVP, and this is my first post to any of these blogs. I just wanted to say that from speaking to friends of mine who have been cheated on, there are mainly 2 reasons why their partners have cheated.
1. The partners had low self-esteem and found cheating a way to prove to themselves that they are still attractive.
2. The partners had really big egos and needed to feed those egos by cheating.

I personally have not cheated on anyone. I would not be able to do it. I stand by the 'look but can't touch' philosophy, and as long as my partner at the time knows this and can play by the same rules, I have no problem. I have also never been cheated on (not to my knowledge anyhows), so I don't know first hand why they do it, or what it feels like to have it happen to you. As I mentioned before, I only know what my friends have told me.

Krissy

Posted by: krisellys at August 6, 2009 10:40 PM

Yeah guys,

I can hear you all now....boo hoo for Bob...but when you have personal insecurities (but not all the time)..they come out as jealousy because you just know in your heart you are always going to finish second. A few years ago I met up with a girl I know whom I hadn't seen in a while. I asked her how she was going...no-one in her life...she asked me the same question....same answer. What she said then hurt, but it was so true "we are the people everyone loves, but no-one will ever be in love with us"

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 6, 2009 10:27 PM

Hi Guys,

I think that too much is read into jealousy...I have ajealous streak in me like you wouldn't believe when I meet a woman that I REALLY like. Why, the reason is obvious to me...I'm not the best looking guy in the world, and she will obviously meet more attractive men than me...its not that I dont trust her...I have no confidence in myself to think that she could possibly choose me over someone else

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 6, 2009 9:42 PM

I like that idea............I like the words 'its what you are missing out on when you cheat'.

Its true, you are missing out on a depth of a relationship you are not allowing yourself to have. Cheating in my opinion is often done by the insecure and fearful. There is a well known theory, jealous people are only jealous as they know how easy it is for them to cheat, so assume others are equally as capable. Hence they hold back so much in a relationship and end up cheating, as they always think the other will too.

Cheating for me is a fear of taking the final step to actually be with someone, really and truly.

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 6, 2009 5:42 PM

Thanks Mingle :)

Posted by: willow29 at August 6, 2009 5:36 PM

there is a song for every occasion and i would like to share one with you folks but rsvp doesnt like links to other websites.

Soooo i would ask you to goto youtube and search for sweetest smile, clik on the first vid you see listed.

crank up the sound and enjoy :)

Posted by: mingle48 at August 6, 2009 2:14 PM

Hey Guys,

Good words FG....but isn't fidelity all about respect...therefore cheating is all about loss, or lack of respect.

A dear friend told me its not just the cheating alone...it the by-product of that action that is devastating...loss of trust towards others...who needs to get hurt again.

We builts walls to defend ourselves (or, if you are like me, fortresses); and maybe miss out on someone who will love us unconditionally...the price of pain!!! The girl that knocks down my fortress will be the girl that I will love unconditionally...even if that is not reciprocated...thats why its unconditional!!!

Bob

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 6, 2009 12:29 AM

Very true FG "I believe crossing a mutual boundary of respect with a partner is classified as cheating" very well said my friend.

In my books I do not condone cheating, have specified in my profile for those types to move on. There is no room in my life for cheaters, if you are in a relationship with someone who has cheated on a partner, do you feel okay, do you feel secure, is there not a lingering doubt that they may do the same to you. It can and may happen.

I was once involved with a lovely man who had been separated for some 7 months and I adored him, problem was his personal beliefs did not include divorce even though his wife was living with someone else and she had cheated and left him. It broke my heart but if he couldn't make the break then I didn't want to be with someone who was still married and still clung to the ideal that she may come back. End of story, Nik x

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 5, 2009 10:23 PM

Hi guys

This is a big topic for most here no doubt.
Most of the posts i have read refer cheating as partners exchanging intimacy with someone. Others i have talked to refer cheatng as flirting or behaivour that damages one's feelings, not necessary intercouse. So what is cheating..? Cheating to someone may not be cheating to others and find that it is exceptable behaviour. People often feel lost or confused resulting in rash decisions, caught up in the moment, whatever.... I believe crossing a mutual boundary of respect with a partner is classified as cheating. End of story...

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at August 5, 2009 9:15 PM

I think if you're a 'pretty woman' remembering the old adage "beauty is in the eyes..." people simply THINK you cheat more. But in reality and especially in this 'short-term relationship climate we are 'surviving' I think even the pretty women are a bit puzzled considering 'what else they can do...' to maintain the attention of the man THEY find interesting - cheat? Who has time? Too busy making the most of whatever's left on the clock of the current relationship. Oh am I pretty? I have certainly had the pleasure of FEELING as though I am. Sweet talkers possibly...
ps. Also in the Green Gate area - held our last school reunion there ...

Posted by: seekthesun at August 5, 2009 9:13 PM

Diditforlove ~ I love that saying "The only thing that fits in a pigeon hole is . . . a pigeon"!! So true.

Musicteacher ~ that's great news. Yup, even though it may be daggy, we could still have a good time - why not - not like where invested in any of it - just go out and possibly have a dance somewhere - yeah! Bobby seems to think these get togethers are the pits. I reckon we could have some fun. Maybe he's like to join in??? For a dance that is.

G.xo

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 5, 2009 4:20 PM

To say that pretty women or men with longer index fingers have a propensity for cheating (or more of a propensity than their counterparts) reminds me of a quote from "Two For The Road" - Audey Hepburn/Albert Finney: 'The only thing that fits in a pigeon - hole is a pigeon.'

Posted by: diditforlove at August 5, 2009 11:45 AM

The me me me temperament, the narcissistic personality disorder is alive and well and demonstrated all the time thru magazine articles etc.,usually demeaning women. The photographs taken of so called starlets in states of drunkeness etc., and all the other stuff. This is women editors demeaning women.
All the reality rubbish on at the moment, if that's not demeaning to everyone I don't know what is. Let's hope with Masterchef and feel good shows this might change. The acceptance of Austereo and the behaviour of their presenters was all accepted and embraced by the general public interested in seeing people destroyed and humiliated. It's all very sad, peoples lives destroyed really and the pattern continued in the young.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 5, 2009 9:51 AM

I think the cheating bit is sometimes just the thrill of the chase and to hell with the consequences. I think we are all basically the same in that way except some people just think about it and other people act on it. The heat of the moment, the excitement, the naughtiness of the whole thing just takes hold rather like a little child. Unfortunately, the consequences can be quite devastating in an adult situation but you only have to look at the stupidity of some people in the world at the moment andd their behaviour re alcohol, driving, money issues etc. Some people just don't seem to take responsibility to anything very seriously. And then they wonder why their children are so screwed up.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 5, 2009 9:47 AM

My opinion is this is based on ego and vanity, being more likely to cheat is really for me, ego, vanity, insecurity that you arent as ' up there as you were last week' etc. You often find people cheat when they are feeling low.

I have just ended a friendship with a very beautiful woman, who seems to have no compassion for others and only herself. She is constantly sleeping with men, demeaning herself much of the time, my final straw was listening to her tell me how over the weekend she slept with a guy who had been a temporary flat mate who was married with kids and how perfect he was for her, ticked all HER boxes, ranting abou thow all the good ones were taken. She didnt get, good ones dont cheat, that makes him a bad one.....and her worse, as she did it the following night too, showing absolutely no care or remorse or even one bit of thought for the guys wife or kids........all about her.

The point is, it isnt her beauty that drives her to be this, its her insecurity and her absolute need to be desired by men who are not available to her. The more unavailable, the more she will obsess. The last guy nearly had to take a restraining order out on her.

I ended the friendship, simply as I realsied, I was always listening to her, being there for her, even she was planning on coming here and using my place as her party palace, even inviting other people to come and stay....how kind of her at MY home.......so I cut her loose..............I think you will find cheats are a particular type of personality, vanity and ego is strong and yes, a lot fo the time it is very attractive people who suffer from it the most....as they fear the only real thing they see they have going for them may be fading, or not hold its power....so need to prove it.

Some people yes, fall in love with others, end up leaving for a long term relatioship with another....not quite the same, but random infidelity, definitely never about sex, or rarely in my view.

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 5, 2009 9:37 AM

Hi Glitterbaby!!!! Yeh,I'm back.....I'm great....work,kids...a year older....

i've never been to a Greenwood Function,so you have a date....at least with me.

Posted by: musicteacher at August 5, 2009 9:05 AM

Hi Karen,

Who knows what makes people tick; but I'm with you...you would think that you would have more empathy.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 4, 2009 7:19 PM

Hi Musicteacher!

You're back! It's been about a year now, hasn't it? How the hell are you? Hope you are going well.

There's drinks at Greenwood in North Sydney at the end of this month - maybe we'll finally get a chance to meet? I've never been to one of these things, but hey, it's in my own suburb so why not?

Glitter xo

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 4, 2009 7:14 PM

From my perspective..........find me a good man,but one I am attracted to. I have some wonderful male friends,but I just don't feel "that way" about them.....sometimes,i wish I did.

I wouldn't cheat....life is hard enough without a guilty conscience!

Posted by: musicteacher at August 4, 2009 6:51 PM

Hey Bob,
I wonder if people who go out and cheat after they have had the same happen to them are performing some kind of generalized revenge...?? Like getting back at the male... or female gender as a whole?? Just a thought. I personally think any negative experience in our life should bring about a greater capacity for empathy and a desire not to see the same happen to another. But I guess that comes down to the fundamentals of our inherent personality type.

Posted by: karen59 at August 4, 2009 8:44 AM

Hey Playfair,

No doubts about that mate...we will always go that extra few yards for someone that really knocks our socks off...but thats not cheating.

Cheating is a simple process in which to get caught....beautiful people can get whatever they want; some have no scruples about how they get it.

I was guilty of not being in love with my ex...too long a story to relate here, but I did love her in my own way...though the relationship was already over for other reasons.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 3, 2009 11:07 PM

Sorry Will have to explain my self. Both are willing participants.

Posted by: playfair67 at August 3, 2009 11:01 PM

Hey All,

Karen, thats the bit I dont understand...people who lose a relationship through being cheated upon...then rthey go out and do the same to someone else.

All I know is it happened to me, and though I understood the reasons and have forgiven my ex, it still hurt. I could never possibly be a party to cheating...I would be mortified if I was seeing someone and realised they were already in a relationship.

bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 3, 2009 10:42 PM

GIRLS GIRLS.
This is from one man's perspective.
Not that i have cheated on any of my past Loves. I believe that a man would go that extra mile to score points with a pretty women.
What man can resist the allure or an attractive women, look but don't touch unless you are single and she is as-well.

Posted by: playfair67 at August 3, 2009 10:37 PM

Hey all, mmmm... new post... and a topic I am familiar with.

I think cheating happens as a result of problems within a marriage and it is a path taken by the cowardly. Those who are to weak to face up to their relationship issues and are unable to move on on their own (ie. needy of a replacement). It is something that I could NEVER do to a fellow human being knowing how painful the experience can be. It is just a really shitty thing to do.

As Virgo said, many of us are on this site because we were cheated on. Similiarly, there are probably many people on this site who have been the cheaters. I could never continue contact with someone who owned up to having cheated on their previous partner... Is that a bad thing?

Posted by: karen59 at August 3, 2009 10:22 PM

I think cheating sometimes is just an ego thing. I don't think the person cheating has any idea of the hurt and distress he/she is causing. It's just ego gone mad at times. Quite possibly they really don't want an ongoing relationship with the person they are cheating with and, therefore, if they are caught out they get extremely defensive. Most have no idea what they have done or what damage they have caused and feel almost insulted when they're told. I simply don't think some people are emotionally mature, or emotionally wise enough to realise the difference and not act on impulses.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 3, 2009 9:57 PM

Hi Virgo
My experience sounds exactly like yours and that's why I could come to accept what happened and move on. In fact 10 years down the track I think he did me a favour.

Ali, asking why doesn't always work, as in my case, the answer you get doesn't always help. I was able to move on with a lot of soul searching, having a great network of family and friends and giving myself time for wounds to heal. My ex and I have a good relationship and I harbour no ill will.

Posted by: zannygirl at August 3, 2009 9:57 PM

Hey Lizzie,

You could be...but you are top of the range...I believe that to be a Rolls!!

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 3, 2009 9:29 PM

Hi Zannygirl,

I can only speak from my personal experience, I have always believed that in a relationship there is one partner that loves more than the other.

My ex-husband was never in love with me, yes, he loved me, but there is a big difference, I unfortunately was totally in love with him.

Put simply, a woman came into his life that he fell in love with, and that was where his heart was.

This is one reason I believe why people cheat.

Virgo...)

Hey Bob,

Can I be a BMW M3 instead of the Roller...:)

Lizzie...:)

Posted by: virgowoman2 at August 3, 2009 8:06 PM

Hey Ali,

The problem, I think, is exacerbated by the fact that very few people will ask "why did you do it" and even fewer will be able (or care) to give you a satisfactory answer.

Personally, I think not knowing why you are cheated upon is the greatest reason for carrying forward of angst....there is no reason given; this creates self-esteem issues; and therefore makes it difficult for the wronged person (and you have been wronged girls and boys), to trust another person to come into their lives....women being here and pursued by predatory males looking for vulnerablity just makes life even harder.

You can drive yourself mad wondering what you did wrong in order to make a partner cheat on you...I know I did. Truth is you did nothing wrong...familiarity, boredom, change...whatever...it could be anything, it could be nothing; but you are still a victim if you keep letting this crush you.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 3, 2009 2:14 PM

Hey All,

People cheat because they can. There are a miriad of reasons. I read somewhere that some women marry the man for security; but he is not necessarily the guy she wants to sleep with, or father her children.

Guys do it because they have a natural predatory nature. Look at the women in the world who have been cheated on...got nothing to do with looks; its the excitement of the chase and capture of the target.

I too was a cheatee; but my ex is still with that guy after 20 years...so her reasons had nothing to do with anything other than she was over me, I think. She still had a deep affection for me (I know that); but couldn't bring herself to pull the plug. I dont think she is a bad person...just a good girl in a bad situation with a guy she no longer loved.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 3, 2009 12:03 PM

I'm with you girls (Virgo and Alove)...
it's bad enough it happens...and it's not always a case of being cheated on with someone prettier - there are at least two sides/stories where when it comes to cheating. If you really want to know why...then ask the person who cheated on you and don't spend your days or your health wondering why. You'll get an answer much sooner.
I would say that even a topic on 'secret language of rsvp profiles' would be more helpful.
(still on the lookout for shawshank so I can run the other way).
the other wicked sista ;-)

Posted by: ali1974 at August 3, 2009 11:52 AM

I get the feeling that this blog will be like opening Pandora's Box...as a friend of mine said...I imagine there will be quite a few emotional posts here..!

Virgo...:)

Posted by: virgowoman2 at August 3, 2009 10:28 AM

Great blog....NOT....considering probably more than half the people on RSVP are here because they were cheated on..!!

Virgo...:)

I agree a lot of us have been cheated on including myself, yes it was the secretary how clichéd! Saying this I still find this topic quite interesting as to why some people cheat and whether there are certain types of people who are more likely to cheat. I found myself in couple of situations where I could have been unfaithful but I didn't. Maybe I wasn't a "pretty lady" but I feel there was a lot more to my situation as it came down to my moral fibre as well as how I would feel in the same situation. When it happened to me it was devastating and took me a good 2 years to recover. Does anyone else have any theories why people cheat? I would be interested to hear them.

Posted by: zannygirl at August 2, 2009 2:48 PM

How interesting. It may be, but it can also be explained by the following:

When a girl is good-looking, she attracts.

With attraction, she can get a lot of things easier than girls who have no a pretty face and this normally starts when she is very young as an adored child, and this may spoil her to the extent that she tends to develop vanity and lack of consideration/empathy.

With vanity and without empathy, any means of boasting that vanity can tempt her to being with someone else, and no empathy helps to eliminate the guilt of cheating. And guilt is always, I believe, the guide to discipline oneself.

Though, I dont think being pretty enough is one of the reasons to be more likely to cheat, if the set of moral values she embraces include that to cheat is to hurt.

About males with longer ring fingers, I have not a clue and would like to hear some explanations more amusing.

Posted by: ahappyending at August 2, 2009 11:55 AM

Hi Lizzie,

This really is a provocative subject...and very hurtful to many people....including yourself. I feel for cheated women, especially those who find that they are traded in for younger models....not better models, just younger...especially in your case Lizzie!!!

Pretty enough to cheat....anyone can cheat, it aint that hard to do...working through your problems and sticking it out is the hard bit.

Lizzie, trading you in is like trading a Rolls Royce to so you can have a Datsun 120Y...smacks of complete brainsnap!!

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 2, 2009 11:38 AM

I'm with my sis Virgo, tacky tacky tacky. Why didn't they put up The Bucket List!!!

Nik

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 1, 2009 8:28 PM

I agree wtih you Virgo....

Posted by: maybeperfect4u at August 1, 2009 6:56 PM

Great blog....NOT....considering probably more than half the people on RSVP are here because they were cheated on..!!

Virgo...:)

Posted by: virgowoman2 at August 1, 2009 1:44 PM