RSVP Blog

My Motto Icy...

Today is the first day of the rest of my life...have an adventure...do a good deed...smile...dance...be me....:))

Virgo...:)

Posted by: virgowoman2 at August 31, 2009 12:40 PM

-- Posted by: virgowoman2 at August 31, 2009 10:17 AM

That's a good point. A female friend and I were talking about life one day and she was asking how things were going with me. We spoke a bit about dating life etc but one of her comments rang true and has stuck with me. It basically went along the lines of; - Be fit, healthy and above all happy as you never know if the future love of your life is watching your every move. And even if there is no one watching, it simply makes good sense.

A few other motos I try to remember......

- Life is too short to be miserable.

- Don't wait to start living and enjoying your life, it's already happening.

Posted by: icycle67 at August 31, 2009 12:28 PM

ahhh ONEMORE we could be twins!

Jewels I hear you... it would seem men are looking for the hot 20's something woman.. even when they're in their 30's and 40's! My best mate is the same.. at 47 looking for the hot chicky babe to breed with!

Me I dont' think I have a hieght preference, at 5ft 1 everyone is taller than me!

Would just be nice to get a reply to a kiss out taht is more than thanks but no thanks or heck even a kiss in.... am I really that urgly? personallly I I'm like Onemoer... I think I'm darn right ok and some bloke would be lucky to have me!

Oh and whilst I understand the 'no kids' request for guys in their early and30's and 20's, do guys in their 40's realise they are 'cutting off their noses despite their faces'.... that's just a perssonal 'cheese' of mine.. having three gorgeous kids and all

Posted by: maybeperfect4u at August 31, 2009 10:45 AM

The looking for a younger partner goes both ways. There are plenty of ladies' profiles out there that list the ideal partner age as quite a bit younger than they are. eg, ladies age of 42 looking for younger guys from 30 to 40. I can remember one I saw that was 36 (I think) who explicitly stated she was only interested in young guys from 25 to 33 but then also went on to say that she was sick on meeting immature men. I have seen another lady's profile recently that stated the guy she is looking for must turn heads when he enters a room. Why? Because she states "that's what happens when I enter a room".

I think the "Ideal Partner" description is just that, the "Ideal". Hey, my ideal partner would look like the French actress Sophie Marceau, be a personal trainer, own a bike shop, cook like Nigella Lawson and have low standards in men such that she thought I was awesome. However, we all know that's not likely to come to fruition ('cause no one can cook like Nigella Lawson). So while the 'ideal' is what one's rational thoughts come up with as being what we want, the reality is that we may often choose something outside the ideal based on any number of other factors. The last two ladies I have met through RSVP have been older than I am even though my ideal age range is listed as being younger.

Posted by: icycle67 at August 31, 2009 10:34 AM

Oney....

That's the most important thing....what we think of ourselves...I like me...my heart...my thoughts...my being...!!

And I do believe once you're happy in yourself, it radiates, and people are drawn to you..!!

Virgo...:) xo

Posted by: virgowoman2 at August 31, 2009 10:17 AM

I feel like I am in the twilight zone here............hahahahaha............I am good in bed though I will give you that Glitter :-)

Oh Jewel, fabulous and accurate post. I prefer my own age or 3-4 years younger only, not younger than that, or my own age, a year or two older of course. I wouldnt date ten years older or ten years younger.

Yup, men often think they look younger than they do, act younger than they do (hate those sayings) and yes, there are a lot of guys out there who at 33, look a hell of a lot older than me at 37.

I must confess, even at 5ft 1, I am still drawn to the taller guy generally and you know Jewel, a lot of very tall men like very petite women and vice versa, but FG isnt one of them. He likes tall, slimmer, younger women, the ones all men like and is happy to be half way down the que containing a good stack of six packed, 26 year old, broad shouldered, tanned adonises to get to them and not be with anyone at all, than drop his standards...........I kind of admire that.

Personally I dont give a stuff if he finds me attractive or not........you know i think I am a goddess of gorgeousness, that will do me :-)

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 31, 2009 9:37 AM

FG....bull.....shxx ohh sorry I sneezed......No way glitter looks older....than you.....

my son is 6'2 and is going out with a 5'1 girl......he seems really happy with her....I think it is a big height difference....but you go with whoever you click with!!!!!!

Same with the age thing....whatever someone is comfortable with....

Now this is a general obversation of my experience at RSVP....just seems like soooo many men want a woman...way way younger than them...
and these same men...ain't no oil paintings....and many look like they have led very hard lives!!!!!!!
Is it because they think internet dating is like a smorgasboard and there ae so many women out there...they will be lucky to have me?????? That women are desperate or something......

just my ponderings on a monday morning......jewels

Posted by: jewelsxr6 at August 31, 2009 8:35 AM

De-(eee-luuu-ssssion-allll)-ar FG,

I have noticed this is a common phenomenon that occurs in blokes as they get older (generalising here). They think the're still as hot as they were when they were 25 and still as fit and virile etc etc - they don't realise that they are aging just like the women in their own age bracket, actually men are usually worse as they 'tend' not to look after themselves, therefore looking older than sameage women.

Oh and FG, If you went to bed with Oney, you would be calling 000 - she'd be too hot (and fit) for you to handle!

You'd probably sprain your back or something.

Grandma

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 31, 2009 7:12 AM

Hahahahaha, oh dear, I missed a bit of hilarious bantering last night by the looks, but darnit I bet those posts didnt happen quickly anyway, so it would have been frustrating waiting for the replies.

FG, I kind of agree on the 6ft3 5ft1 thing to some degree, I will be honest, I usually date men over 6ft 2 and yes, it can be awkward, but strangely a good 60% of guys I date are 6ft2, 6ft 3 and even a 6ft 7 :-)

However, having dated a 5ft 10 last time, he was puuuuuuurfect, the perfect match, especially for the snuggling up and watching a movie, so 5ft 10 is indeed perfect, however, I would happily date another 6ft 7 and not exclude him, but can kind of understand why you do.

Glitter, I am fit, healthy and 2 dress sizes bigger at the mo due to a back injury, not good at all, but I am not complaining hideously, as I havent lost my fitness, just isnt moving as quick as I like......hence my honesty on my profile as to be honest, I wouldnt date an overweight guy, so cant really expect anyone to date me right now.

I often date guys around 33-34, thats just my thing, but I would be fine if they didnt want to date me at 37, so long as they dont throw their toys out when a 29-30 year old gives them the no for their age. So long as there arent double standards and dont think whats good for the goose isnt good for the gander, then its all good.

For me I get cranky pants when there are double standards, when people complain about superficial women when they are always chasing the dictionary picture example of what superficial men chase, where superficial only applies when the younger, the prettier are saying no to them.

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 31, 2009 6:03 AM

Doyouknow- I am not feeling any pain at all, just surprised at the type of guy that contacts me. Picture a blue singlet, swigging on a stubby and no teeth..or the guy with the name "pantspilot"..I kid you not! How does clem1 think we could possibly have anything in common, when all I want is someone like earlymorningguy(sigh).

Wifey ?? That sounds a very old expression for someone in their 30's. Something doesn't gel and my intuition never lets me down.

xx

Posted by: whenharrymetme at August 31, 2009 4:08 AM

Well hello Doyou....

How nice to finally see you here..I hope you amended your preferred age down from 120 to 80....Now I'm smiling...:))))

Hey Myst.....

Thank you for doing that, then we can look at your cheeky grin all the time...:))

FG...

From recollection, Oney is your sister-in-law...that doesn't sit well with me, the thought of you two..........!?!

Virgo...:) xoxoxo

Posted by: virgowoman2 at August 31, 2009 12:34 AM

Lordy FG!!! No visuals of you and Oney, leave her alone! No visuals, no visual, bugger, nightmares tonight, dang, Alove.

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 31, 2009 12:24 AM

Hi G and i will tell you 5'10 is my prefered height in a partner...:))) Body connection is a must for me from head to toe.

Posted by: feelgood76 at August 30, 2009 10:45 PM

Hi Glitter,, I once fell in love with a "girl" (accidentally) who was 7 years younger than me. This was around 3 years ago. Then i didn't look at all 30 and she looked older than 23. It started out as friends, i wasn't all that interested in her, untill she gave me the most wicked grin i've ever seen. She must have practiced that one.. cause it hooked me in. Me being 30 and she 23 was never going to happen, as she wanted to go out get drunk party on,ect.. ME into life and live for adventure. So hangovers on my weekends anit for me. In the end, she just said i can't do this. and that was pretty much it. So i know what age is right for me as i've been there and done that. You name the FG has been through it.

Froggy

Posted by: feelgood76 at August 30, 2009 10:41 PM

Miss Glitter.... Time to tell you how it is....!! You look way older hahahaha Sorry you, asked :)))
And could you imagine me and oney in bed.... I'm 6'3 oney is 5'1... the wind up would be enough to call 000... :)

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at August 30, 2009 9:54 PM

FG . . . you know what . . . I've had another think about what I said.

And if you choose to date a 24 year old or whatever age - well that's your God Given Right!!

I wouldn't want anyone questioning my choices (unless of course they were causing me painful consequences).

So I retract my previous post and support you 100% in your right to choose what's right for you. I guess I was just highlighting how random the whole age thingy is . . .

I love personal freedom most of all. Ahhhh.

Glitter xo : ))))))))))))

These blogs are so good (I just love talking to myself on a Sunday arvo . . .)

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 30, 2009 2:47 PM

Hiya Virgo,

Well, I guess I'm enjoying talking in here initially ... been contacted by some 'unique' people & a bit overwhelmed at the moment, so have politely answered all, and probably prefer to just chill behind the scenes, dream up corny jokes to regale you with, and come in here to show a smattering of cheek, feist, guile spread liberally across the blogs - you know, the things in life worth living for! hehee

Not to mention the delight in being cheeky with you, onemore, glitter and co ;-)

But I tell you what - I'll unhide it just for you, milady! Hope you're having a great day - speak soon.

myst xox

Posted by: mystril at August 30, 2009 11:43 AM

More and more profiles are turning up on the site with such bizarre demands. I have just read one that states the person must have long hair and good teeth, sounds like he's looking for a horse. Must be between 40 and 45 and size 8, not size 10, or slim, must be size 8. The arrogance is astounding at times especially when you look at the picture accompanying their profiles. Where are people who are looking for a bit of class and style, a great sense of humour, energy, willingness to share their lives with another person. It is all so unbelievably shallow at times and quite borish

Posted by: iaminperth at August 29, 2009 6:52 PM

Oh Oh, and while I'm on an anti-agist roll, people - why don't you go to oney's an my profile and tell us if FG looks older than us??

That's a dare. And I want the truth - The Ugly Truth : )) My boyfriends have always been 8-10 years older than me (cept 4 the last one, he was 3-4 yrs older - like no difference at all)

Oooow, all fired up now.

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 29, 2009 5:15 PM

One, are you going to say it, or shall I?

FG - how old are you? 33 almost 34? Oney is 37, only 3-4 years older than you. And what, I'll bet you've got a lot younger lower bracket on your age range - what 23-24?? dunno, but I've got 30-42 and I'm gonna change it as since doing it, 30 has felt just that bit too young for me, being over the 5 years either way thingy.

My point being wouldn't you choose like 5 years either side of yourself? You may just have your dream woman out there who could blow your mind on every level - but you've got an age thing that most guys have that limits the little older (not a lot older) age bracket. I've brought it up before cause I just think it's weird as most older women have life experience and maturity and are therefore more stable and willing to not play games, 3-4 years or even 7 years, really is not too old (or too young) for a guy/gal in their 30's generally.

Froggy, One may very well be your "soulmate" - she is fit and active (gym most days). I suggest when you come a visiting her way next month you hook up with her, feed her copious amount of Lyche Martinis and keep your mind open )))

Glitter (Said with love) (but still wearing little cranky panties)

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 29, 2009 5:01 PM

from out of the shadows .... inspired by Virgo, the insightful Onemore, and moved by Harry.

So Virgo .. the Stalker is finally out in the open.

Onemore .. always a good read. A light switched on when I read about your 3 month rule. Thanks.

Harry .. maintain the dream. I felt you pain. I have felt and feel your pain. Your "having teeth pulled" analogy I believed was akin to my "getting kicked in the balls" feeling. At the time I changed my profile name to "bustednut", and I removed all the content. Kind of an anti-profile strategy.

Changed the name again now and put back a bit of content. A bit happier.

Harry, not to belittle your personal experiences in any way, but it is unfortunate that there is a lot commonality to what many of us have experienced, as is evident from reading subsequent blogs.

Like you, and others, internet dating is not my thing. To me it felt a little forced, like I was unnaturally fast tracking the relationship search. In the process loosing something human, the excitement of meeting in person, anticipation, mystery finding out more, (Onemores 3 months does make sense), romance. Fate, paths that cross, that chance meet. I believe in it all and rsvp just seemed counter to it.

Then maybe I was pinning all my hopes and dreams on rsvp. Harry is right. It can take an extraordinary amount of energy for seemingly no return and often disappointment. The healthy approach is to see rsvp as adjunct to and not an exclusive to meeting people. Those of use who are genuine will always be open to some pain and disappointment as we are the ones out there giving it a real shot. We have a dream, and as hard as it can be sometimes, we have to hang on to that dream. The dream is beautiful.

Glad you are back Harry. Thought about the rsvp demographic thing myself, but to me the words from people blogging here contradict that theory. You have a gorgeous profile, warm and honest. Feel I should hang out at Readings more often.

I never thought of reading the bloggs here, assuming that they would merely be a forum for those with a sharp axe or (insert appropriate gender) haters. While there is emotion and issues, you will get mostly intelligent and balanced responses. The honesty and genuine friendship among this community of bloggers is very refreshing and inspiring. Sorry if that was a little deep for my first try.

Posted by: doyouknowwhoiam at August 29, 2009 2:37 PM

NEWS FLASH:

For all concerned parties, I have it on good authority that Barry has returned home safely and is lounging on the couch anticipating his next adventure!
.... or should that be...

ODD SPOT?

Posted by: karen59 at August 29, 2009 12:33 PM

Yes Oney... I could go hunky spunky Brucie anytime...! Beats baby Ashy hands-down!!! Just not sure what I could possibly have as a 'trade'?!!! ://

Posted by: karen59 at August 29, 2009 12:28 PM

Hey Mystril...

How come you have your profile inactive for most of the time..?

Virgo...:)

Posted by: virgowoman2 at August 29, 2009 11:43 AM

I wonder if I am the only woman who prefers a man not be particularly focussed on the opposite sex? I find a man who finds life more interesting until he finds someone really pretty special to him.Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 28, 2009 5:51 PM
yep - you're not the only one.
there's no bigger turn off for me than the man who implies on his profile that he's just waiting for a good woman to come along and give him a life. NO - fit me into your life, but don't make me your life. don't make me responsible for you, cos that's not why I'm here, and that way lies grief. shudder........

Posted by: russianballerina at August 29, 2009 8:14 AM

Hi Oney,..; "Are there really likely to be what women want on a date site anyway?" Quite a legitement question...?? I'll agree, and personally believe why would a happy single guy turn to a dating site to find love? It is a good question, thats leaves many woman thinking the same thing. From a male prospective trying to communicate with these woman all thinking the same? makes it very hard to reasure that some of us are genuine in seeking love. From the woman i have been in contact with 99% of them have all had horror stories to tell about leg humpers and sleazeballs! With that mindset it does make it very hard on here for the "good guy".
I'm no hippie oney and your a little out of my age bracket, but you got me in one. I'm happy enough to sit on a headland and wait for my rose. Like i have said, i'm not after just anyone and won't settle for just a princess!

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at August 29, 2009 8:05 AM

Alove... my sides are splitting... I am just a way to visual person! "... go put him in the car with the top down!" Yeah, and best secure him to the seat by way of rope Virgo... 'case he gets whipped up by a gust of wind! Would hate to see poor Barry a blowin' in the wind!!

Look after him Virgo... he may be all we have one day! And good friends share Alove!!!

Posted by: karen59 at August 28, 2009 11:49 PM

I have to say rsvp as a dating site has not worked for me either and I'm amazed at how many gorgeous girls are finding the same thing - so I think its true - the sleezy guys at the bar are just doubling their chances and OF COURSE are on this site too - nevertheless, I have kept mine open for about six months now as I have this little voice that keeps saying "leave no stone unturned" so yeah - you don't lose your head and date or continue to date for the sake of dating if someone likes the way you sound or look - but like the sleazy guys - double/triple whatever YOUR chances. It seems to me that over 45 its like finding the needle in the haystack even though all you want is to find someone YOU truly like for whatever reason - So You have to be out there - going places and doing things you love - knowing that there is ALWAYS the possibility that THAT GUY who is taking time to make conversation with you could have the characteristics you crave. I'm finally just LEAVING MY EYES OPEN - and trusting the universe.....

Posted by: seasider09 at August 28, 2009 11:18 PM

Glitter, Baz has feelings you know - I don't think he wants to be cheapened and *gasp* passed around like a common trash plaything - have some respect!!

Virgo, go put him in the car with the top down!!

Oney and Kaz, great article made me laugh but Oney I will say they've not all been like that for me, some have been great guys, friends thou nothing more.

PS - sister still living, just. Have to start signing off Alove, got caught at work today reading the blogs, think it was my loud laugh and occassional snort, don't want them catching onto to Nik - please use Alove all. Dang.

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 28, 2009 9:17 PM

On the good guy front though.............are there really likely to be what women want on a date site anyway? Genuine question.

I wonder if I am the only woman who prefers a man not be particularly focussed on the opposite sex? I find a man who finds life more interesting until he finds someone really pretty special to him.

I guess in my mentality, the less interested he is in general pursuit of women, the less chance he has of pursuing women, staring at them in the street etc when in a relationship if he doesnt do it whilst not in one.

Not sure as I say, if this is just a 'me' thing.........as thats probably why I dont really get too bothered about this, as I find the prospect of a man sitting looking at woman after woman to be more unattractive as a trait and I actually prefer the guy sat in the corner with a good strong coffee reading a book after coming from a surf on a Sunday morning.

Ahhhhh the dream, my gorgeous hippie

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 28, 2009 5:51 PM

Hey Willow, my aunt had a fake man for exactly that, she was a Doctor at a hospital and used to be getting into her car at all hours and driving home etc....so she had a fake passenger for exactly that purpose :-)

Not sure if he was blow up or not, just remember her getting him and everyone talking about it.

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 28, 2009 5:46 PM

Virgo... I can see you having a whole lot of fun with Barry... but not the kind of fun he was originally designed for!!! Pop a ciggy in his mouth... dress him in drag... Ha!! Oh the fun to be had!!!

Posted by: karen59 at August 28, 2009 3:29 PM

Hey Laine....

Great to see your profile back up......Yayyyyy...:))))))

Virgo...:) xoxo

Posted by: virgowoman2 at August 28, 2009 2:15 PM

Hey Karen..........lets not forget her hunky spunky old man ex Brucie........he has done a pretty hefty bit of trading too recently :-)

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 28, 2009 1:59 PM

Virgo, I wrote a story on my short story blog about a nurse who had a blow up doll in the drivers seat of her car, "reading" a book. One night, after her late shift, she was followed to her car and when the stalker saw her "man" waiting for her, he ran off... Maybe you can use Blow up Bill for that?

Posted by: willow29 at August 28, 2009 1:41 PM

Grego, don't tell me you have never seen When Harry Met Sally?

I think its a clever name personally.

I agree with you on everything else though, she is gorgeous, comes across fantastically in the profile etc etc..........it doesnt make sense.

Until you put your comment into practice about the good guys thinking she is out of their league or not being as confident to approach and the players, leg humpers and sleazeballs being the only ones approaching. Now that does make sense...........as there are a lot of guys equally as good looking and warm and intelligent who would think they werent, they are called the good guys....and unfortunately they lurk in corners with a book quietly reading.

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 28, 2009 1:17 PM

Thanks for the kind words Grego. My name is a spoof of the movie title "When Harry met Sally"...and then my opening line ties in with that with " we could never be just friends". Most of the guys who email seem to get it, because they start their emails with " Hi Sally"... or make some mention of the movie. It has actually been a good conversation starter.

Posted by: whenharrymetme at August 28, 2009 12:24 PM

-- Posted by: grego7 at August 28, 2009 11:38 AM

I'd be guessing the WhenHarryMetMe is a reference to the lady with the gorgeous smile's real name that might begin with an "S" and end in "ally".

Posted by: icycle67 at August 28, 2009 12:19 PM

Ummm, I could find sommmething to do with Bazza - but don't get him all grubby. And I want him "intact" please.

Just Gold x

ps. virgo, just make sure you don't run out of medication K? I have visions of you appearing on the nightly news : )) (with texta marks all over your hands and face and bits of glue in your hair - like in the movie "There's Something About Mary" haha)

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 28, 2009 12:17 PM

Glitter...

It was a Gold moment....she actually was in shock for about 3 seconds, then fell on the floor laughing her little head off...Got her..!!!

The dilemma I have now is what to do with him...he's a good looking guy (in a plastic way)..doesn't say much (which is okay, I like the quiet ones)...but I have another devious plan..!!

My next door neighbour is a real character, so I've decided to put Barry (that's what I call him) on his front door step....so I'll creep over there late tonight, and drop him off...!!!

Luv Virgo....:) xoxo

Posted by: virgowoman2 at August 28, 2009 12:04 PM

Whenharry,

After reading your post which surprised me I had a peek at your profile. All I can say is that there are some dumb guys out there.

Your profile is great and what yummy teeth you have ( I used to be Marketing Director for a toothpaste company so I always notice teeth). Good looking, attractive women like yourself are perceived by a lot of good men as being out of their league. These woman seem to often get attention from players, scumbags and marrieds just looking for sex.

I dont understand your monicker name and the marketer in me would suggest changing it. Your rsvp name is in effect a brand. Brand names are critical for success. Picture yourself as a product in the supermarket. You are very good to look at, write interestingly and sound a lot of fun. But whenharrymetme? What does that mean?

Dont give up and I hope some deserving males contact you.
rgds Grego

Posted by: grego7 at August 28, 2009 11:38 AM

Naughty Nanna Virgo!!

I wrote something very . . . ummm . . . well . . .about you being exhausted from blowing up that doll and what expression do the male dolls have on their face . . buuuut the Moderators cut it : ))

Say n'more.

YOU crack ME up.

Glitter xo

ps. did your daughter appreciate all the effort you went to, to get a laugh?

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 28, 2009 9:39 AM

Nik that sounds like just about every date I've had :-)

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 28, 2009 7:42 AM

Oh Nik... 'I've got a half bottle of bundy in my car'... I totally lost it at that point!!! Very, very funny!

Yes and I watched 20 to 1... Demi Moore was rated as the No.1. Cougar. Good grief, only in Hollywood. Now THERE is a perfect example of Onemores 'trade' concept! No, no, noooooooo.... I sooooo did not say that! Please, no need for further comment guys!!!!

Posted by: karen59 at August 28, 2009 12:16 AM

Posted by: whenharrymetme at August 27, 2009 3:14 PM

I'm so sorry that you want to leave but you have to do what's right for you, on saying that I terminated after only 3 weeks and then gave it another go 2 days later and have not regretted it. You had a wonderful profile so don't let the drips get you down, we'd love to see you back. Nik.

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 27, 2009 10:09 PM

My lovely sister just read this out to me from one of her trashy mags, I thought it was funny.

***Sick of meeting sleazy players in bars, one single NW-ette, let's call her Jen, decided to search for love online. Jen was chuffed to find her mailbox was soon full of messages, including one from a sporty spunk who'd caught her eye. They messaged back and forth, before setting a dinner date. Hoping for a romantic candlelit meal, Jen came down to earth with a thud when she arrived at the venue he'd chosen - a grubby hole-in-the-wall.

Determined to keep an open mind, she introduced herself to her date, who was pouring them water. Needing something stiffer, she suggested they grab a bottle of vino. "Oh, I've got a half bottle of Bundy in me car?" he said, before asking her what she looked for in a man. Then came his turn. "I like a woman who's fit, hot and, well, have you got a vibrator because I need a woman who knows how to pleasure herself".

Jen promptly announced she would have to go. When the bill came, the hapless lad declared he'd left his wallet at home. Jen threw some money on the table and headed for the door. But her hasty exit didn't deter the budding Romeo, who left a message on her phone telling her he was in love and they were destined to be together!***

My dear sis then told me I had to watch 20 to 1 tonight as they had on "Cougars" - I think she'll have a short life.

Enjoy people! Nik x

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 27, 2009 9:31 PM

You know Laine, I keep wanting to call you Lois :-)

I think a lot of people come on here expecting men to be different to the men they meet in real life, just as the men do.

I think as women we often arent really direct about what we want and what we dont, probably as the space on the profile isnt big enough. Plus then there are people who will want to be that person, so would say they were an 8 legged purple faced, green haired alien if you said thats what you were looking for.

You will notice, there are mass amounts of absolutely beautiful, very funny, intelligent women on here, all looking for different to the guys who swing their heads around as they walk down the road so they can see they are being looked at..........looking for guys who are different to the letches that hang out in bars trying to score, different to the superficial blah that is more about ego than getting to know someone..........and the fact is, this isnt an exclusive club, those same guys are here just trying here as well as the bar, as well as the head swinging as well as the attempts in real life that are pretty much the opposite to what we want.

There are so few men that will be compatible to most of us if we stuck to our guns..............so we just have to breeze through all those frogs and leave them to the less insecure women who are going through issues, who need those men really to make them wake up and get to know themselves a bit better.

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 27, 2009 8:22 PM

Icy and Harry... don't stress it... your experience is everybodies experience on this site.... there is no rhyme or reason to how things pan out... If it happens, well and good... if it doesn't, well look at all of these wonderful people you have had an opportunity to chat with on the blogs!!!

Icy... I read your profile, and no need to question it... it is fine! Sometimes we try to over analyse the whole situation. You are who you are, and who you are is good!

Glitter... warm up those vocal chords... I think it is time for another R A N D O M act of kindness (oh dear... I have my doubts as to whether this is an upper or lower case moment?)!
I'm thinking maybe "Que sera, sera"... ? Do you know the lyrics?
Mwah all, Kaz :)

Posted by: karen59 at August 27, 2009 6:58 PM

Hey Virgo... What do you think the topic of conversation might be???

I have this visual of guy lying in the centre of the bed knocking out Z'ds... while the women, either side, rest against "puffed" pillows, arms crossed, frowns cast down upon him!

Umm... the real thing... the mind boogles Virgo! :/

Posted by: karen59 at August 27, 2009 6:41 PM

Hey whenharrymet, when the article said that 70 percent of daters are not really single, was it referring to girls too. If it did that could help explain the five now in three months, girls who have requested an email, sometimes written back all positive, sometimes no email at all and then within 2 days have closed down their profile never to be heard of again. Or is it that I am so scary they decide they are never going to date again?

Oh and Icycle you must be exaggerating your hit rate. I don't do anywhere near that well.

Steven

Posted by: sjr36 at August 27, 2009 5:57 PM

Hey Lanie, I have been through all those experiences you have mentioned. Must agree.., internet dating isn't for me either. But don't stress over it.. Be true to yourself follow your heart and act on it. My moto is these days, "Do it" that way there is no regrets.

PS: I used to eat Milo from the tin..., only to suffer a belt over the head from the wifey..!
FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at August 27, 2009 5:09 PM

Willow ~ but-ovv-cerse mon petit chou . .

There is an actress dying to break out from inside of me : )) (maybe that's what the tummy ache has been all this time).

How much do we love youtube?!!

Glitter xo

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 27, 2009 4:47 PM

Look Guys, I know we've all got our "stories", and as you know I've been abused for saying "thanks but no thanks" and having had a recent break up too - disappointments.

But you are forgetting the 100s of success stories - I'm sure most of us know at least one couple who are happy that met on a dating site. I know three married couples that are very very happy and one couple has just had their 6th year wedding anniversary (second marriage, both with kids from the previous marriage) and they are just so well suited.

I'm not saying it is for everyone, but just take a moment to consider that it is possible and try not to get disheartened. OK?

Maybe just "try" less and "enjoy" more of living and let go a little.

You will probably all say "yeah right, whatever". Yadda yadda.

Just because you fall over and scrape your knee once or twice (or even 10 times, or even have a bad break that takes a while to heal) doesn't make you decide to never get up and walk again does it?

There are really nice and wonderful men out there (and women of course) - keep your heart open to that (using your head and survival techniques to negotiate your way). Use what you've learnt through those experiences to make better choices for yourselves

WHMM ~ you are not alone in feeling unique and like there isn't someone out there in cyber land, or in the world, that will suit you, because they will pigeon hole you from your profile (like we do to them at times). Just keep that lovely heart open to the possibilities (like kids do) and then you won't become jaded and give up (like grownups do).

My 2 cents : )

Luv Glitter xo

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 27, 2009 4:34 PM

Nik...

Just read something funny....thought I would share it with you....

Men fantasise about being in bed with two women....Women fantasise about it too, because at least they'll have someone to talk to when he falls asleep...!!...and.....

Sex with a man is all right...but not as good as the real thing...!!!

Virgo...:))))) xoxo

Posted by: virgowoman2 at August 27, 2009 3:16 PM

Thanks everyone for their words of support and encouragement.

Onemore..those statistics aren't good..and explain a lot..only 30 % being single. I didn't worry about the dog comment..but it made me think about how I could have been a few months into dating a guy like this until I saw that side of him.I quite like these red flags sooner rather than later.

Willow..if I can find the guys profile moniker I will let you know his name. Be fun to compare stories :)

Virgo..thanks for all your gorgeous comments, much appreciated. Thanks for the kiss too. Mwah back !

Icycle..I like how you write what is best for you. Don't change because of others expectations. Be true to you.

I like my profile and I don't think their is anything wrong with it. I do however believe that the demographic of this site is not akin to the demographic that I am seeking.

Perhaps I am more likely to meet him at my local Readings Book store, or wandering around the Melbourne writers festival.....

or...

Jut as an aside..I had a photo of me walking along a beach. I was actually on a beach..photographic evidence...but it was rejected by those who decide photo guidelines :)))) Seems you can SAY you walk on a beach....

The one guy I met for coffee..lovely guy..as a friend. Whilst I wa sitting and talking with him 2 guys come in and sit down at a table across the room. One gorgeous, who kept glancing at me and smiling. And there I was sitting with a guy that had emailed me for weeks and that I had no connection with at all that had taken up so much energy and effort.

Internet dating isn't for me. I really do prefer that pontaneous meet in real life. That may not work either..but it seems to me to be more fun.

As opposed to having teeth pulled :)

xox

Posted by: whenharrymetme at August 27, 2009 3:14 PM

Posted by: whenharrymetme at August 27, 2009 7:57 AM

Thats a real shame, it really is. You know I read your profile a while ago and you sound great, lovely, but know what you want, you even come across in that post, as just knowing what you want, you dont come across as abbrasive or wishy washy, you still come across as nice, warm etc even on such a tricky topic. You are very pretty and for that guy to say you looked like a dog, I mean for dogs sake (sorry) I think boys at school at 12 used to call me a dog, but a grown up who when rejected calling a woman that..............absolutely hysterical, I hope you laughed rather than feel ick.

I wish I could say it wasn't the same story I have heard from gosh knows how many friends of mine who are on here Laine..........and as much as people dont like it said (and I always get attacked when I say this) I have a couple of friends who are on here, who are early thirties, 5ft 8-10 really very very good looking, really together, funny, nice, no big personality damage or major hang ups (the obvious norm that we all have), you know intelligent, great women.............who in real life when you walk down the street with them men are falling over themselves trying to speak to them, looking at them etc..........yet on here, they cant even get a bite other than as you say, men who are clearly not suitable and when they see a guy they like, so send a kiss, they are always getting rejected...................it seems to be this online dating thing, its just strange as I am sure those same guys would be falling over my friend in real life.

To put it in perspective though in reality, according to something I read the other month:

40% of people on here are married
Another 30% are dating someone who thinks they are exclusive with them

That only leaves 30% of genuine singles, thats before you get onto whether they are suitable or not.

Then obviously you get the ones who arent really ready to date, arent really seriously looking, like the attention but cant really be bothered to advance anything etc etc..........so it makes a real genuine connection rare, so I can see where you are coming from.

However, why dont you stick around................you never know..........one might just happen and it could be a good one you would never have met otherwise Laine

Oh and ALove............I hope you said to him along the lines of 'Look my friend, if your wife thinks you are such an appaulling lover she cant even bear to, so you have to go looking elsewhere, why would you think I would want to spend the night with your wifes reject?'

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 27, 2009 12:32 PM

WhenHarry - sorry to hear about your trials - how rude of that man - though, I have had something similar (maybe from the same bloke?).

Your profile looks warm and friendly and you have written what interests you and what certainly doesnt. I think it is fairly evident what appeals to you.

I believe, as you said that men give out their phone numbers so they dont ask you for yours and thus alarm you. I would also "trade" if I felt comfortable and let them call. So I cant see how you could improve on your approach, to be frank. All I can say is better luck with the next "kisser".

Posted by: willow29 at August 27, 2009 12:28 PM

Hey Harry...

Please don't start thinking there's something wrong with you or your profile...your profile is a real and genuine one...loved the fact that you eat Milo out of the tin...that's so sweet...!!

I've found it be a lot harder than I ever expected...but then again, I didn't know what to expect....all I know is that it's like trying to find a needle in a very big haystack....!!!

I wish you luck with all my heart..:)

Virgo...:) xoxo

Posted by: virgowoman2 at August 27, 2009 11:43 AM

My experience is similar to yours whenharrymetme.

Your profile reads very well and I don't think you have a problem in that regard at all.

I wonder with my own profile whether I'd get more interest if I made it more "typical" ie, stating I like watching the footy etc but quite simply, that's not me. So while I think my profile is a fair and accurate reflection of me it doesn't seem to attract great hordes of ladies. I guess the dilemma is whether to have a profile to attract the masses and hope to filter through that to find a suitable fit or to have a profile that does the filtering and hope that a suitable prospective partner likes what they read.

I might only get one or two kisses a month and I have hardly been rushed off feet with positive responses to kisses I've sent. Many times I've thought of throwing in the towel and not bothering. It is easy to let it get you down too. However, I figure that if I don't worry about it too much I just might stumble across the one. I guess it's a bit like lotto....you have to have a ticket to have a chance.

Posted by: icycle67 at August 27, 2009 11:39 AM

Alove - to be a fly on the wall. I'm glad it was a lovely message - so, if as Perth suggests, it was an oversight, he'd still get a lovely message. If it wasn't, he'd still get a surprise..

Glitter if you do the Mother me Theresa thing - put it on U-tube, yes?

Steven - not a bad idea. As Glitter says, there's no yardstick so if a girl does write it down, there's no confusion.

Posted by: willow29 at August 27, 2009 11:02 AM

Glitter...

I was up at 2 am doing craft work....My daughter is a very proper young lady, and every time she comes to visit me, looks around suspicious that there may be a man here (think she's worried about her inheritance..!!)

So yesterday I went and bought a blow-up doll (male variety...of course) went to St. Vinnie's and bought a wig, got my uhu glue and stuck the wig on the doll...!!

I nearly died of exhaustion blowing the damn thing up this morning...but laughing my head off at the same time...!!

She is coming over this afternoon, so I'm going to put him in the bed, with my bedroom door half closed, and just wait and see her reaction...:)

So, while I was here doing my craft work I thought I would say how nice your new pics are...!!

What a crack-up this will be....will let you know the outcome.....to be continued....I love it....!!!!!

Luv Virgo...:)

Posted by: virgowoman2 at August 27, 2009 10:03 AM

Apologies in advance for any spelling mistakes or typos.

x

Posted by: whenharrymetme at August 27, 2009 8:05 AM

Internet dating isn't working for me, and its not because I am holding out to meet "the one"..or any other unrealitic expectation..far from it. I find that it takes a lot of time and energy to read and respond to all the kisses and emails with very little to show for it. For instance..the majority of men that send kisses in no way meet my ideal partner criteria..by a long shot. I do take the time to say no politely. This does not stop some of them sending unsolicited emails of an aggressive nature.One man even wrote to me " you look like a dog any way..." This wa a separated guy..who wrote without sending a kiss first..and was his response to my email saying that I would prefer to date guys that are divorced.

.Then there are the few ( MINORITY!!!) that I do seem to have a lot in common with, but I’ve found that these men don’t know how to advance the relationship. Some are way too timid, taking weeks to ask for my number. Some are way too forward, asking for my number after one email exchange.
I understand many men don’t like to exchange a lot of emails. But I like to have a few email exchanges to get a sense of a man’s ability to communicate clearly in writing and that he doesn’t get sexual too soon. I look to see whether he mentions specific things in my profile and if he asks me questions that keep the email conversations flowing.
I cringe when a guys 1st email only says -Hi- ask me any questions you like? @#$%!

On the otherhand,some men seem happy to have a pen pal relationship, stretching the emails out over weeks. This gets wearisome, too. Some men think it gentlemanly to wait until the woman is comfortable enough to offer her number. Other men offer theirs first, knowing some women are not comfortable giving out her number. I prefer a man call me as it shows he has enough interest to pick up the phone. Giving me his number puts the onus on me. I deflect this by thanking him for his number and then giving him mine.

Most men then don't call me. The ones that do..if they have made a random call to me..and I have been out..I tell them that I am orry I mised their call...and give the reason...like I was at work..or out..and would love to talk to them soon.....but never hear again.

Some women have no problem assertively asking, “When shall we get together?” I don’t like to ask that as I feel a man needs to be assertive enough to ask for a date, or not to be put off if I don't answer my phone during business hours. I don’t want to be the one initiating, at least not at first.

So after 6 months on the site..many kisses and emails..I have only met one person for a coffee.

There are many more I would have liked to have met, but I have found that a lot of men don't seem to know how to advance the relationship from the net to actually meeting up in person.

I think I have an OK profile.My photos are a true reflection on who I am and what I look like..so why is it so difficult to even meet someone for a coffee?

Experience has taught me that kisses & emails without fiollow through and an intent to meet mean nothing.

Posted by: whenharrymetme at August 27, 2009 7:57 AM

Nope Perth, caught him out and he admitted it, married and wanting to go out and play. Not with this little black duck - against my morals.

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 27, 2009 7:11 AM

Ohhhhhh Alove, I have to hear the outcome of that juicy one.

Okay if Glitter gets the Nuns outfit to do the Mother me Theresa date night, then can I have Judge Divorce Court outfit and a hammer so I can bang on a table and shout 'You have been judged'?

Sir, girls dont all want the same thing, thats probably why its confusing when guys try to figure a whole few billion people out as one group. No wonder mens heads explode whenever i hear that one :-) Same goes for men though, I wish they would ask for what they want, so then they wouldnt be hiding their agendas as they know we dont want it.....come out with it, be done with it, so we can say no before we start caring about you men :-)

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 27, 2009 7:08 AM

Posted by: jen234 at August 25, 2009 10:27 AM ~ "Hey Virgo - I notice you always look at the time of posts like I do. Us mums hey?" . . .

Well check out how bloody early this is - I have to be mental!! It hurts morphing back into a "day walker" from being a "night stalker" . . . It'll be nice on the water though . . . nuther . . . sip . . .of . . . coffee. . . .

psst . . Virgo . . .what in hells name were you doing up at 2.06am . . . and don't tell me it was more housework! . . . There's sooomething you're not telling us isn't there . . . mhhmm?

Glittering-not : I

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 27, 2009 5:18 AM

Maybe the guy just hadn't thought about changing the tape on the machine Alove He may have had a million other things to do and not even known about a tape on the machine. My ex and I didn't divorce for ages, did the property settlement first off and then the rest didn't really matter so far as I was concerned. Just had far too much to do getting my life back on track working full time and raising a child.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 26, 2009 9:55 PM

Oooohhh Steven!

Glitter *Blowing stevie a kiss xo*

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 26, 2009 8:39 PM

Hi Karen and Glitter. There are girls profiles here that say things like �dont bother me with kisses� and �emails only� I have been a boy for as long as I can remember and I have never been able to tell what a girl wants, much less a girl I dont know. You need to say what you want. And Glitter you have a great profile, there are a lot of girls here that could learn a lot from you. If you were just 10 years older�.Anyway you can still stay positive and just say something like �Hey guys kiss me first�

Steven

Posted by: sjr36 at August 26, 2009 7:40 PM

I can't see any p;roblem receiving an email straight up. I think it is a social dating site so can't see the difference really between that and meeting a stranger somewhere else. At least these people are displaying some get up and go and I'll bet if they were drop dead gorgeous none of you would be bothered either.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 26, 2009 7:19 PM

Kaz, if you're a RSViP member your kisses also don't run out as long as you're still a member! You also get a lovely little highlighted box around your profile - not that it does much good - just looks like a frame...

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 26, 2009 6:29 PM

Well well, Kaz, Glitter, Oney..... I must re-read the profile of the SINGLE guy I met up with recently who then said he was SEPARATED, phoned him say thanks for a nice time but got HIS WIFE on the machine. Ladies, I can be evil or worse (refer evil grin of Oney's - ditto) left a lovely message for him or whoever checks the messages. I call it karma. Sorry about the caps, people should say the truth on their profile. I guess he's on his way to the Divorce Court now - stay tuned!!

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 26, 2009 6:26 PM

Oh One - you are Number 1. Talk about crack me up. I laughed out loud at that and am still smiling. So funny . . . .I would (if you dared me for a decent sum of money) dress up as a Mother Theresa and go on a date with some dickhead loser who was still married looking to cheat!! Oooow I would do it, I would!! And you, Kaz, Virgo, Lovey, Jen, Jewels, and all the other blog-chicks, could all hide in the bushes and take a video for us to watch later over drinks and nibbles - hahaha. (Is that mean?)

One, if you were a man - I would so kiss you because you are smart and funny. But your not a man and well I'm "solidly and strictly hetro" sooooo, we'll just have to be good friends : )))

Still laughing . . .hahaha.

Luv Glitter xo

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 26, 2009 6:19 PM

Sweetenuff... is it to early for us to start jumping with joy for you?!!!!

Posted by: karen59 at August 26, 2009 6:00 PM

Oh, onemore... I love that judge on Divorce Court tooooo! The one with the southern drawl... so funny, a total crack up at times. But what of the couples? Wow, a bit like Jerry Springer at times! Some seriously interesting folks down south I'm thinking!!!

Posted by: karen59 at August 26, 2009 5:44 PM

Hey Shakey,

Ooh you like Lady GaGa too.....don't suppose you like doof doof music as well...that's probably asking a bit too much..!

It would be really great if the moderators went through the night as well...sometimes when it's hard to sleep, or you're just getting home, it's interesting to see who's on-line, and type out a few blogs....!

Hope your day's been a good one...and you've still got that smile happening...:)

Virgo...:)

Posted by: virgowoman2 at August 26, 2009 5:13 PM

Karen, yes, RSViP does give more options. It also shows more than one person who has just viewed you.

Posted by: willow29 at August 26, 2009 4:34 PM

Hey, Glitter and Kaz........quit right now, thats maiiiiiiii maaaaaaahhhhhnnnnnnn.

Oh wow, attached/married and disentangling himself from an unloving relationship..................can you imagine a date with him? It would be like a funeral............................

I think this is a classic date for......Mother me Theresa isnt it?

Hahahaha........now there is an idea, lets set dates up with these guys and send someone out dressed as a nun to listen to them bleat on about their woes........as thats what us dates are there for, we really really really want someone not ready to be with anyone who just needs a bit of TLC as they feel unloved and undesirable.

Me doing sarcasm like that really cool judge on Divorce Court, cant remember her name, but she is hilarious

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 26, 2009 4:15 PM

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 26, 2009 2:01 PM

You used to be able to send a click on the button not thanks type response??? Didnt realise it had changed??

I sent an unsolicited email once and got absolutely bollocked for invading his privacy. I guess i know i did it with good intentions and in good faith..didnt think i deserved the bollocking but i can see your point Glitter.

But i wouldnt do it to someone else, in fact recently got an email from someone unsolicited..didnt worry me..thought it was nice he put the time in given SO MANY never give you a response when they have asked for the email.

Posted by: sweetenuff67 at August 26, 2009 3:40 PM

Kaz!

He's Moine - hands off BIA-TCH!!

Hahah . . . . they always say their wife couldn't show love or refused to have sex with them ever . . yadda yadda yadda. How come it's always the wife's problem that drove them away. . .??

He is gonna be in the shit when his wife finds out he's on RSVP.

Glitter *rolling eyes, pursing lips and shaking head, imagening she's Judge Judy*

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 26, 2009 2:47 PM

Just read this profile Glitter... right on topic!

Quote, "Don't send 'kisses'. Spare me." He then said further down in his profile, "If you are interested, you will write, if not, you won't want me to." (Ummm? How does he determine if ... "you won't want me to"...?).

He describes himself as attached/married and disentangling himself from a relationship in which his partner was/is incapable of love.

What a catch... I am going to write an unsolicited email immediately... I would hate for this one to get away!!!!!

Guess who is home with her feet up!!! Kaz :)

Posted by: karen59 at August 26, 2009 2:21 PM

Poor Kazy - that hurts!! Last year I broke two toes running down to the beach on the rocks - it's not nice and takes aaages to heal (sorry to say). All I can say is keep off it and elevate it!!! Oh and strap it - otherwise it stays crooked. At least you got some time off work - maybe the doc will give you some Panadine Forte (looovee that stuff!).

Well, me, today? Juiced (carrot, celery, apple, white cabbage), put a treatment in my hair, did the washing, sat in the garden (it's tropical and has lots of palms and flowers), chatted to friends on the phone and generally have been a lady of leisure - early night tonight though as gotta be on the water for a 6am paddle with "the girls" tomorrow (it's worth the pain of getting up that early - really - flat glassy water and quiet).

All in all, going well - really looking forward to working again though - it's nice 'cause I know the people who I'll be working for (worked for them before) and we will have lots of laughs - getting paid again will be novel too : ))

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 26, 2009 2:09 PM

Hello Sweetie, Glad your date was Sizzzzling - M M Mmmmmm.

With the emails - I know it's a dating site - but there are "rules" and just because it is a dating site does not mean you can "just rock up uninvited".

I would send an automated reply, but you can't do that to emails. And as I am generally well mannered (well sort of) I reply to everything - a personal standard - what gets me is then they get hostile - like they are angry because they offered me something that I didn't want and didn't ask for and somehow that is MY fault.

I do get my knickers in a knot on this topic - it shits me. Why should I be the graceful one after being abused for being polite enough to respond and say "thanks but no thanks". I will no longer respond at all to these emails - but I don't like to have to be like that?! Maybe I just seem to attract this type of person . . . who knows?

Just my thoughts (as our Jewely Jewels says . . .: ))

Glitter :- /

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 26, 2009 2:01 PM

Oney . . . the . . . smelling . . . salts . . . pls . . . bathroom . . . top shelf . . . at the back . . .quick!

Seriously, you are making me rething the ready for dating - God, I loved that:

. . ."Mr yummyliciously fabulous, like
dreamboat McSteamy with McDreamy on top and hot fudge round the edges" . . .

Please Miss, can I have one of thooose?

Glitter xo

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 26, 2009 1:55 PM

Shakeysnakey ~ love love love LadyGaga - my best rollerblading/iceskating music - I never get tired of it.

Good luck with the ladies - I have a feeling you won't have much trouble.

G. xo

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 26, 2009 1:46 PM

Hi JJ, thanks for the advice re the blokes that email. But I know who I am and what I like - I love a man (yes who is cheeky and bold) but also has manners and etiquette.

Plus, I'm not quite ready to start dating again - enjoy a flirt and all, but I have a bit more work to do on my own life - It should be a few months off now - then I'll be going off like a firecracker!!! And that's a promise!

Glitter xo

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 26, 2009 1:44 PM

eeew... don't wiggle around to much Oney... you might get a splinter!!! Ouch! :)))))

Posted by: karen59 at August 26, 2009 1:43 PM

Nah... Virgo... just FG playing funny b*ggers!! Love the boy.... but not like that!!!! All TIC!

Sooooooooo... Who is an RSViP member? And are the kiss responses more flexible? I really find the basic ones so inept at times.

kaz :)

Posted by: karen59 at August 26, 2009 12:39 PM

Gosh, how very on the fence of me (dont pass out) but I am on the fence on the unsolicited email thing.

I only say that, as I had one, from Mr yummyliciously fabulous, like dreamboat McSteamy with McDreamy on top and hot fudge round the edges...........he wasnt unfortunately chatting me up, he was actually just telling me I had a great profile, how it made his day, how he would wish me luck but I really didnt need any etc etc.......you know, just being a darn darn nice guy as well as super duper steamy dreamy.

Then I had another, a guy who clearly had used a copy and paste message in his email to me. You know it was the standard, I liked your profile a lot and think we have a lot in common........which stands out a mile that he hadnt read my profile and he didnt know we had a lot in common at all, but it was his standard line......that one, I just thought was an opportunist.

So, without shocking too many...............(insert evil laugh here) I am on the fence

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 26, 2009 11:40 AM

Kaz....

So give us the goss...what are you going to do, are you going to venture into cougar territory...why not...if that's what feels right to you...go for it....how exciting....!!!!!!!

Virgo...:) xoxo

P.S. Sorry I got so excited for you, forgot to say hope your toe is not too sore today...!!

Posted by: virgowoman2 at August 26, 2009 10:57 AM

Hey, hey, hey... maybe I have got hidden cougar potential!!!! Woo hoo!!!!

Hey Crank pants.... you done gone an' got your knickers all a knotted!!! Straighten them out wicked sista!!!

I have never had the unsolicited email! Interesting concept. They are either very arrogant and self-assured, socially ignorant, or think we women are so desparate that we will jump at any opportunity... either way, so unappealing!!!

What's on the agenda today sis'? ... more beach time relaxation?

I am home today with my 'ouchy' toe. First ever broken bone... took me until 50 to achieve that milestone!!!

Love to all!!! :)

Posted by: karen59 at August 26, 2009 10:08 AM

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 25, 2009 9:13 PM

Hmmmm Miss Cranky Pants, I dont really have a problem if they send an email first up, if they can be bothered making the effort i can make the effort to reply is my theory.

If they are really not your type then you can do the automatic no thanks response and i dont see that is any different to a kiss.

They are the ones taking the risk by spending the stamp and I just think this is a dating site so you have to be flexible about these things :)

Thanks Kaz and Willow for the good wishes for my hot date...it was sizzling ;)

Posted by: sweetenuff67 at August 26, 2009 9:39 AM

Morning Glitter

Thankyou - Yep I know. I'm fine. And do have some lovely contact. I am always open to the new and enjoy the journey. But sometimes you just want that Bing,Bang, Bong where all the boxes are ticked and you can progress to something truly worthwhile.

I will never give up on the dream. Like most of us here. Until then I will enjoy the interraction with everyone else and focus on the Party! lol.

Great you landed the job. Look forward to hearing about it.

Jen x

Posted by: jen234 at August 26, 2009 9:35 AM

Yep.... I got it FG!!!!

Posted by: karen59 at August 26, 2009 8:26 AM

Hey guys, you are not gonna belieeeeve this!
Straight after my post re kisses from 30 year olds...BINGO,,, i receive another one!!!
But you know, this one somehow seems geniune.... such a spunk and his profile reads like everything I could ever want in a man!!! Even have that feeling of deja vu... like I've known this person in some other life!! Dilemma, dilemma... what should I do!!! Maybe I should just take a flying leap... hang the age difference and considerable distance that separates us... I think it could be destiny!!!

On another totally unrelated topic.... FG you crack me up... !!!!!! Kaz Mwah!

Posted by: karen59 at August 26, 2009 7:53 AM

Hey Jen,

Yeah, it's something I must admit, I do check out what time someone has posted..I wonder why..!?!

And here's a big hug from me to you...and you know what....it will be okay...!!

Virgo...:) xoxo

P.S. I'm doing my housework...so that's why I'm blogging at this time...:)))

Posted by: virgowoman2 at August 26, 2009 12:22 AM

Hey Virgo:)

When i said I'm not the typical 29yr old guy, I had no idea what I was talking about coz my dear you've just given "not typical" a whole new definition..awesome profile is an understatement, you're making me rethink my ideal partner settings..lol

Oh so you noticed I was on at 3am, lol I'm very much a night person. I wish all normal daily activities were done at night...if it was possible to have the sun at night, great..lol I'm taking time off uni this sem. so I've completely overhauled my schedule to not having one...a lot of free time so I can afford to stay up listen to LadyGaga:) and blog.

I liked the comment Jen234 made in reference to your post...about looking out for those small things, having that instinct.. and made me wonder, what a rare combo, having seen your profile:)

cheers xo

Posted by: shakeydosh at August 25, 2009 11:52 PM

hey glitter......just taking a different slant on the guys sending you emails straight up....thye are straight shooeter who know what they want and can make a decision without beating around the bush!!!!

Maybe just respond to see what he is like and what is he wanting....it is only an email...if he then turns out to be a prick, you can say ...thanks but no thanks...while still at email stage!!!!

just my thoughts....jewels

Posted by: jewelsxr6 at August 25, 2009 10:33 PM

willow29 thanks:)

Posted by: shakeydosh at August 25, 2009 10:22 PM

Okay, okay!! What is going on??

I have had another bloke send me an unsolicited email - which I absolutely hate!! I think I am going to have to put it in my profile - but it's just so negative. So now we've got to say, please don't contact me if you are married or separated, and now please do not email me without sending a would you be interested kiss???!!

Then when you send a polite no reply - they abuse you. What are these people thinking??

Is it me? Am I so old fashioned?

Why should people think they can jump the cue, or crash a party without an invite, or turn up at your house first thing in the morning and knock on your bedroom window? It's wrong. So why do they think these unsolicited emails are okay!! Oh and what I love is that they all say - I've never done this before . . . Mmmmmm!!

Breathing nowwww . . . haaaaaaaaahhh

Okay, I've had my rant. It just shits me.

Cranky Pants :-/

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 25, 2009 9:13 PM

Bob... last 3 kisses from guys in their 30's! Yeah, right... get a grip boys!!!

Posted by: karen59 at August 25, 2009 8:39 PM

Bob... last 3 kisses from guys in their 30's! Yeah, right... get a grip boys!!!

Posted by: karen59 at August 25, 2009 8:38 PM

Nik... "By all means, move at a glacial pace, you know how much that thrills me"...! Ha! God I love that movie! Meryl Streep is just brilliant... my favourite female actor! Did you see her in "Sophie's Choice"? Powerful stuff... I was devastated for days!

Posted by: karen59 at August 25, 2009 7:20 PM

Best wishes Sweetenuff... You go girl!! Mwah! Kaz.

Posted by: karen59 at August 25, 2009 5:27 PM

Good luck Sweetenuff! Hope your date goes well :)

Posted by: willow29 at August 25, 2009 2:49 PM

Dearest JenniferHi,

. . ."And sometimes all we want is to be hugged and told all will be ok " . .

Yes 100%, that's "mainly" all I need from a man. I miss holding hands and sitting quietly watching the ocean at the end of the day. A lover, a friend to laugh with and co-conspirator : )

Don't sigh Jen, you have to believe and have faith that it will happen for you. It might be time to re-visit that bulging book-shelf of yours and brush up on stuff you already know. And start trying to feel excitement about the future and what's coming . . . ; )

Love You.
Glitter xo

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 25, 2009 2:33 PM

Yep Kaz, I got no problemo with 3 stumps - none whatsoever. As long as his arms and beautiful shoulders work - I can't see there being any issues - plus, I'm fit and strong too ; )))

Muriel xox

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 25, 2009 2:24 PM

Posted by: karen59 at August 25, 2009 10:02 AM

Yeah well i had the request for money thing with a nigerian scammer..unfortunately i was a bit of a dizz in hindsight and didnt spot it straight out...he still got nothing though...but since then i have spotted 2 more within the first few emails...all very similar tone and stories.

I have been chatting with a new guy..third date tonight..am excited...have the butterflies...yay me :)

Cheers to all....

Posted by: sweetenuff67 at August 25, 2009 11:53 AM

Hi guys,

Sorry haven't been around much lately. So much going on. And I owe quite a few of you some emails. They are coming. Promise.

Hey Virgo - I notice you always look at the time of posts like I do. Us mums hey? lol

Shakey - Love your honesty. You have a great profile and I too wish you luck with this girl you have your sights on. Please let us know what happens.

Bob - I like what you wrote there about a relationship when things are not going so good. I think ultimately that is what we all want in a relationship. Trust and support of each other is paramount. And sometimes all we want is to be hugged and told all will be ok. To have that other person there for us, no matter what, through the good and bad, the ups and downs, is the dream. To love us warts and all. *ahhh sigh*.

Jen

Posted by: jen234 at August 25, 2009 10:27 AM

Nice one! All class!

Sleazy guys who write what they knoooow women want to hear... and foolish women who fall for it ....PUK!!!!

Next you'll be asked to send money!!!

Posted by: karen59 at August 25, 2009 10:02 AM

Shakey,

What are you doing up at 3 a.m.....I had an excuse....I'm down in Melbourne looking after my grand-daughter (Swivel)...on the couch, with two burmese cats under the covers with me....Ooh, the life of a Nana...:))))

Virgo...:)

P.S. Loved your profile, and you have the most wonderful smile....it made me smile...!!!!

Posted by: virgowoman2 at August 25, 2009 9:57 AM

Shakeydosh, lovely post. You definitely have the right attitude and by the looks of your profile, lots of things going for you. Best of luck!

Posted by: willow29 at August 25, 2009 9:45 AM

Karen59 thats a weak punch...surely you can do better than that..

It depends on what you are looking for...if its to get laid i guess 4 hrs would be too long..especially if you're running out of time..

Posted by: shakeydosh at August 25, 2009 5:06 AM

thankyou russianballerina:).. all the best in your search..

Posted by: shakeydosh at August 25, 2009 4:56 AM

Hey Bob,

I agree with you for the most part. Good post. However, in my case its not so much the fear that she won't approve of me as shakey, not at all. Its not negotiable and It shouldn't be for anyone whether in a relationship or otherwise..

My emphasis for stating that i took so long to write the message is simply the No. 1 source of problems in relationships today, and dare i say the world, miscommunication.

Bob, I can bet you right now that there're so many potentially lovely relationships that didn't take off because of misinterpretation as opposed to content which is what people generally are accustomed to.

If someone is focusing too much on substance and content, there's a chance that they're going to go off track of who they are, no doubt about that. My focus in those 4 hrs was misinterpretation.

There's a very thin line between misinterpretation and content but the difference is massive, and i would urge people to take it into account as they send messages.

I can give countless examples in daily life where a small misinterpretation has led to severe repercussions and yet, it still wasn't identified as the source of the problem..

ok going off topic now, I'd better stop or else..there'll be plenty more to say on this. cheers Bob. Good luck in yor hunt and keep up the good posts mate.

Posted by: shakeydosh at August 25, 2009 4:47 AM

aloveoflife, very well said. sorry about the disappointing experience..lordy lord! I would think that it would be easier to write the 2nd email, right? i mean logically? I know for sure it'll be easy to write the 2nd one, I just have to get a response first..lol

Posted by: shakeydosh at August 25, 2009 2:59 AM

Dear Onemoreoption37,

wow, I'm lost for words. If there's a stronger word for thankyou, I'd use it. I'm very very touched by your post. am i abit emotional right now?, no need to know that lol just know that I'm saving your post in a folder with your profile name on it. You're a special lady, the man who wins you over should count himself lucky, coz he'll score a rare jewel. I wish you the best too in this bloody search lol

Bless you

truly,

shakey

Posted by: shakeydosh at August 25, 2009 2:36 AM

Oh... okay Gliiter... so you would be fine with a surfer who retained a stump between two stumps...?!!!
Oh that's terrible Muriel!
Night wicked sista!!!

Posted by: karen59 at August 25, 2009 12:01 AM

Sorry Perth, plagarised your term - tedious and boring - I love it, no joke!! My second favourite I use at work at the guys which I got from the Devil Wears Prada "By all means, move at a glacial pace, you know how that thrills me", they don't likey, the more they don't likey, the more I use it.

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 24, 2009 11:52 PM

Oh I know Nik... infrastructure, infrastructure, infrastructure.... blah, blah, blah.....ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Posted by: karen59 at August 24, 2009 11:29 PM

Hey Kaz, shame I didn't recognise the frown before I went, never mind!!! That's not a spit, that's a whine, I just want to see the real person not a pretend.

Want to see a spit - bliss/adams is back - so tedious and boring.

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 24, 2009 10:12 PM

If it took me 4 hours to write an email... I'd be giving the dating game a miss!!!!

Posted by: karen59 at August 24, 2009 10:08 PM

You can use a lower case 'i' when typing directly into this box on the site. It doesn't correct itself and not everyone wants to stick to a Resume. Just answering the e-mail, or creating an e-mail in a friendly welcoming way is the way to go I think. If you then find you have nothing in common, well that's fine and you can say so. Initially though, I don't think you need a Resume.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 24, 2009 9:57 PM

Hey Nik,

So, you went out with a dribbler....hello; was it me...been accused of that in the past?? You thought that he was perving at all the young girls...truth is he dont have any teeth!!

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 24, 2009 9:38 PM

Nik... never seen you spit the dummy before... you go girl! lol! Ooops! lol!
My thoughts exactly... you took the words right out of my mouth! Painful to read... brings on the 'frown'!

Posted by: karen59 at August 24, 2009 9:24 PM

Kaz ~ as long as they are missing no bits higher than mid thigh . . . I don't mind s'much ; )

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 24, 2009 8:37 PM

go you shakeydosh!! love the profile, and so will she!! honest and real.
good luck!!!!

Posted by: russianballerina at August 24, 2009 7:59 PM

Hey Guys,

We all talk about what we want...but what about what we can give to the other person?

Its easy to be in a great relationship when things are going great, but what happens when they are not so great? Whilst shared interests can be great...anything that I can share with her will be OK by me...being with her is whats important, not what we are doing. I would rather be there when she needs a shoulder to lean or cry on; or when she needs a hug because shes just feeling a bit sad.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 24, 2009 7:24 PM

Hey Shakey,

Your profile should always be an honest reflection of who you are...your first email should just elaborate a little more on that. Chances are, if its taking you 4 hours to write a few more lines about yourself, you are writing what you hope she will like...not about who you are.

Be honest all the way through...if you aren't she will find out eventually anyway; and that will only lead to tears all round.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 24, 2009 7:17 PM

Oh please guys, leave the "lol's" and ''cools" out of your emails. An occassional one is great but lordy! I had an email from what seemed like a nice guy, second email was full of lol's and cool's, against my better judgement we met for coffee, he was about 20 years older than his profile and was obviously trying to act younger, he dribbled down his shirtfront checking out the teens coming into the cafe in their muffin top jeans. Bad, bad, bad - just be yourself, don't try to be something you're not - you can only be a 100% you and not a second best someone else. Act your age and put correct details on your profile - you will get caught out.

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 24, 2009 6:24 PM

Shakey,

Thats such a lovely lovely post. I really wish you the best on it and I will keep everything crossed for you.

You know women absolutely love a guy to be nervous, to be awkward and a bit bashful in his approach, as then they know he actually really likes her and isnt just chasing her if that makes sense?

You have a lovely profile and a gorgeous warm smile, I am sure you have already melted her heart :-)

That was just so cute to hear, thanks for sharing it Shakey

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 24, 2009 5:12 PM

RSVP has a good guide to writing and responding to profiles. Use a word processor, spell check and cut & paste into the box. Using the & instead of and is perfectly acceptable English punctuation when you are constrained for space when communicating a message in the profile boxes. Using texting language is unacceptable anywhere outside of mobile phone messages.

Two weeks ago I received an unsolicited email from an RSVP member. There was no photo on the profile; the email read like something a Nigerian scammer would write.

I have not responded to the email nor have any intention to responding to the email. Dating politeness is that you kiss; the potential interest acknowledges their interest. If that person declines that is their prerogative. No-one has the right to impose themselves on a person who is not interested.

A person who has received an Australian education and works in an Australian workplace never uses lower case i instead of upper case I in any correspondence. If you use a word processor the punctuation is automatically corrected. In fact it is almost impossible to use the incorrect lower case punctuation unless you deliberately place spaces and back space. Even then there is an automatic correction.

Therefore use some mature age common sense intelligence when you are seeking a partner. We both are aware of the third night rule. Men possess a conservative attitude to selecting a permanent partner. Men may ride the town bike but they will never claim ownership. Therefore do not market yourself as a bimbette. Be precise expressing what you are seeking in life and make it clear what your expectations are. That also means that if you are a bankrupt renter do not expect Brad Pitt or Bill Gates to walk into your life and live a Fairy Tale existence.

There are no shortcuts through life; a person will achieve in life only what they are prepared to put into it and usually end up with the partner they deserve. If a woman markets herself and behaves like a bimbette then she will always be a bimbette. There is a time and place for getting to know a potential mate and there is a time and place for bedroom activities. You will never know when the great love of your life, your soul mate will walk into your life. Knowing the right time is where most people fall flat on their rear end.

Sit down, draft a professional resume to your relationship expectations and stick to it. If you do not know how to write a relationship resume, go to a library and obtain a book on relationship psychology written by a relationship psychologist.

Posted by: gomezaddams at August 24, 2009 4:45 PM

At the risk of being beaten to a bloody pulp I just have to play devils advocate for a second. Even though I don't agree with what some guys are looking for and its not what I am looking for, at least the ones asking for someone "who keeps a clean and tidy home" "takes pride in their appearance" "who will get up early and make them breakfast" and every other stereotypical gender role from the dark ages, are up front about what they are looking for. They are not messing anyone around, wasteing peoples time pretending to be something or someone they are not. You may not agree with them or what they seek, but at least they are honest, which is of course what 100% of the women are looking for on here, someone who's honest, well that's what nearly every female profile says :)

Better an honest moron than a deceptive genius.

Posted by: johnj71 at August 24, 2009 4:35 PM

I think there should be an automated reply that says "Yes, I know you are very cute, but get real". Posted by: iaminperth at August 24, 2009 11:33 AM

and maybe that should also include - yeah I know you're cute, but so do you - so get real!!!!

Posted by: russianballerina at August 24, 2009 3:48 PM

It was a horribly tortuous process for me lol I really was hoping I would get a positive response from this one girl when i "kissed" her coz I just felt she was perfect for me...everything in her profile was everything I was looking for...a total princess.

Then the funny thing is lol when I opened my email and saw the typical "you've received a response from bla bla bla(her), I got a +ve one, "I'm interested, send me an email"..I was elated to say the least, however, when it came to constructing an email I was lost for words lol

It took me 4 hrs to do a standard email and I'm not exaggerating lol. "Just be yourself" is the saying, and I concur. However, in a circmstance like this where you don't get a second chance to clarify what you say, you have to go outside your comfort zone and take time, a lot of time, coz to me this potentially could be the girl I'll marry and how sad a story is it if she trashes me coz of a few written lines? Sometimes it only takes one line in an email for some girls to put a "NEVER" on a man..

This is the dilemma i was facing as I wrote this email, obviously I haven't met her before so I don't know how sensitive she is to certain things, what she doesn't find particularly funny, coz the profile can only say so much about someone. Ladies don't realise how hard it is for us nice boys sometimes, and its only gonna get harder coz the bad boys are making the stereotype that "all men are dogs", more of a reality lol

anyway to cut a long story short, I went over her profile several times and did as best as i could to write a good email, but be myself at the same time. I have never proof-read and made so many adjustments in an email before. Hopefully one day if things work out, I'll meet her and we can have a laugh over it lol It was wow hard..lol

If you really want something, you'll do your very best to get it..I'm talking in general terms here lol That's what I had to do when I wrote the email. I always prefer instant feedback, give me IM, txt msg..anytime but one way communication.. especially initial communication?

a zillion things could be misinterpreted, you could say something and seem like the complete opposite of who you are to the receiver of the message..and you don't have a chance to clarify lol

Fingers crossed for me people!!!
BTW, in addition to the above excellent tips, I'd add on don't make the message too long:)..save that for future messages when you have a feel of your potential partner.

It took me 4hrs to do my message but it was standard size:) Guys if you have to do that, do it. Its a small test of what you are willing to do for your girl, even before you meet her. If you don't make much of an effort at your standards, its already a sign that she's not for you.

Posted by: shakeydosh at August 24, 2009 1:54 PM

I think there should be an automated reply that says "Yes, I know you are very cute, but get real".

Posted by: iaminperth at August 24, 2009 11:33 AM

A lot of people get up early morning to see their partners off to work. I guess the difference is they just do it, don't talk about it. I guess little things like that make the difference in a relationship. Many of the younger people I talk to at work are really organised with the 'who does what bit' and make a particular effort to define these activities. My neighbour has a system going with his wife who works full time. He does the vacuuming and keeps the outside tidy, she does the rest. Works for them and neither is second guessing the other. That's the arrangement that's how it works. I think it's not the actual work that causes the problem it's just communication again and being open and honest and not lumping everyone into the same melting pot purely based on gender.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 24, 2009 11:05 AM

I guess the first email, for me, really shows whether the person is genuine or not. If they have taken the time to jot down a little about themselves and asked a little about me, that is fine.

I'm really not interested in whether their friends think they look younger/older - fatter or thinner, I'm more interested in their personality and whether they are fairly open. Also, I suppose when you meet in real life, initially you just chat about fairly light hearted things. I find it difficult when someone sends back a one liner giving a phone number as I don't wish to do that. I would personally prefer to find out via email first to see if there is any common ground.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 24, 2009 10:42 AM

I Glitter, of the Parallel Universe, do solemnly swear *hand on heart* that I love lycra and especially budgie smugglers on a reasonable shape man.

They are hot! What's wrong with you women? Don't you like a man's body? You are only getting to see more of it . .. (obviously not on an unhealthy or overweight man).

But if you were a Wookiee (Chewbacca), you would proooobably want to wear a nice pair of boardies instead of the smugglers . . .but Wookiees are so incredibly hot, and Cool, that they don't need to wear any clothes at all - just those cross over the shoulder, bullet belts : )))

Glitter xo

ps. Kaz - it's nice to share some common interests, not everything nor 24/7, but if you can't share some fun stuff together - why in hell are you together? Just my thoughts . . .

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 24, 2009 10:14 AM

Posted by: karen59 at August 23, 2009 5:23 PM

Kaz he never expected me to get into cycling too..(for sure lycra would NOT look good on these curves)...he loved that i was interested enough to want to know where he had ridden and wanted to go with him to the events..for us it was never an issue.

Sometimes we would go bushwalking where he had ridden cos i liked walking.

Never dated a surfer....will keep an eye out :) ha ha..

Posted by: sweetenuff67 at August 24, 2009 9:57 AM

Yeah Glitter... I love 'random' and it seems to particulary suit FG at times... ;) ;)

No, alas, nothing to declare...!

Surfers come home in one piece... I have heard of a few coming home with their bottom half missing!!!! :))))

Yeah Perthy... ban lycra... just not good! So do male cyclists go for the brazilian to prevent mince meat issues?

Enjoy your day Guys!!!

Posted by: karen59 at August 24, 2009 9:45 AM

ha - wearing lycra is a privilege, not a right!!
driving to work every day, dodging bikes and trams and cars parked in clearways. does no-one tell these people what they look like in lycra?? and the white lycra pants with nothing underneath aaarrrggghhhhh!!!!!!!!

Posted by: russianballerina at August 24, 2009 9:14 AM

Karen, hahahaha, I think you are probably right. He sounds like a real winner............all about him, I think if i were his wife I would stay in bed and sleep my life away too.

If he has that many great interests and such a cool life, he doesnt have time for a relationship with anyone but himself and his 'look at me, I am so busy' life anyway.

I think you should go on a date with him just for the sheer fun of it, you could fall asleep at the dinner table just to drive him nutty

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 24, 2009 9:10 AM

Hey Ming.... Mate.. you been whatchen German porn'os...?!
where ya pull that name from???

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at August 23, 2009 6:14 PM

Oh, yes Sweetenuff... I am also into endurance... nudge, nudge.. ;) ;) Kaz.

Posted by: karen59 at August 23, 2009 5:40 PM

Sweetenuff... did he expect you to want to ride too? That is my problem... I am just not into it! So many guys on this site want women to be involved in their interests, such as cycling, motor bikes, fishing etc. I am not into any of these things. What is wrong with having different interests?... the thought of living in each others pockets 24/7 just does not appeal to me. And I wonder if they are prepared to reciprocate on interests front...? Are there enough hours in a day? Kaz :)

Posted by: karen59 at August 23, 2009 5:23 PM

Hey onemore... the guy whose profile I referred to... the one wanting a partner who would get up early every morning to make him breakfast and see him off to work... Well, I checked in on the profile again to show a friend, and he has changed it... I wonder if he read my post!!! How funny!!!

He has cut out the comment mentioned above... but the general gist remains the same. Still wants an early riser and harps on about his interests. I think inability to get out of bed in the morning has a strong link to depression. Perhaps his wife wasn't happy in the marriage either? Perhaps her needs weren't being met? Perhaps he was to busy with fulfilling his interests to show any interest in her!!!!

Posted by: karen59 at August 23, 2009 4:47 PM

At least the lycra cyclists aren't chubby !!!

Posted by: iaminperth at August 23, 2009 4:18 PM

So Karen, what do you think of Lycra on overweight women !
Especially those black crossover tops which I hate hate hate!!!! They have almost become a uniform for mid aged women here when they go out in a great big group. Maybe we should just ban Lycra, but what else could the bike riders wear? When I was riding some of the guys used to have their legs waxed because the constant rubbing on the saddle used to make the hairs on their legs join in little clumps and then they would be pulled out eventually. When we did the 3 day eventing some of the guys were in agony, their legs ripped to shreds. It's always been a problem with any sport of the type where you are sitting for long periods of time with contact to leather.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 23, 2009 4:16 PM

Posted by: mingle48 at August 23, 2009 8:06 AM

Not only do you have nice legs - you seem to be very intelligent - good to stay a significant distance from wild and abused animals otherwise you may get scratched and get a blood infection. Just saaaying . . .

Kaz ~ you liked my random did you? I love that expression, and the whole idea of random. You seem in a good mood lately, anything to declare?

YeahU2 ~ I was gonna go OFF!!!, but then just realised you poor bugger - you were pissed . . . s'ok : ))

Glitter xo

ps Sweet, surfers are better than cyclists. They have the stamina, ripped abs/lats and they are clean and taste like sea salt - not sweat - also you know they are gonna come home in one piece, not all squashed up, like a soft drink can under a tyre - a plus for me anyway . . .all my boyfriends have been surfers and they have a "clarity" - I find cyclists - although cute too - have more single-minded "aggression" as opposed to soul-surfers - much calmer and nicer to be around : ))

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 23, 2009 4:04 PM

My personal dislike is the 'knows how to treat a woman' and then they announce they are divorced. Surely if they knew how to treat one, presumably they mean nicely, they wouldn't be on the site. Maybe they mean knows how to slap one around a bit. And the one from the women, dining out, travelling etc., etc., and they have no job, a few kids around the place, no income, and yes, would be nice dining out and travelling but surely some financial input would be required also. It's all so airey fairy and unreal at times with a lot of people not genuine at all.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 23, 2009 3:57 PM

I was dating a guy i met on here for over a year that was a cyclist... "hot stuff"...he could cycle 50kms..and still have energy for other "activities"..ohh la la...i loved going off camping to watch him do his mountain bike enduro things...good fun...a lovely guy..sigh...

:)

Posted by: sweetenuff67 at August 23, 2009 12:52 PM

FG you call yours a pecker - i call mine a schwanstukker, nough said 8)

Posted by: mingle48 at August 23, 2009 10:48 AM

Random FG!!?

Posted by: karen59 at August 23, 2009 9:54 AM

" a woman who appreciates the finer things in life".karen59 at August 22, 2009 7:57 PM

maybe this means that HE is one of these finer things in life? that we're supposed to be appreciate him???
I really like the " knows how to treat a girl"? huh??? what girl is this referring to? and how does he know???? are we one size fits all?

Posted by: russianballerina at August 23, 2009 9:52 AM

oooh glitter - there are many things i would like to say to you and one of them would be hubba hubba! but because i value my hide i think ill do it from a safe distance hehhhehhe

Posted by: mingle48 at August 23, 2009 8:06 AM

Means he's got a little pecker.

Posted by: feelgood76 at August 22, 2009 8:58 PM

Okay MIngle... so you don't stink and lycra keeps your genitals intact... however, lycra on guys is just not a good look... almost as bad as budgie smugglers! I like the natural high from endorphins... but achieve it through other means. And yes... you do have damn fine legs... i checked! :)

Posted by: karen59 at August 22, 2009 8:46 PM

Mingle!! What in the hell is wrong with garlic eaters?

You come over here and say that Mr Lycra! I'll give you mince meat : )))))))))

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 22, 2009 8:23 PM

....aaaand.... " a woman who appreciates the finer things in life"... can somebody explain what that means? Is there a universally accepted definition of "the finer things in life" that I am not aware of?

Posted by: karen59 at August 22, 2009 7:57 PM

Hi kaz , i couldnt resist the temptation to change your mind with a little knowledge about cyclists 8).

Without going into sweeping generalizations -
most cyclists dont stink when they ride lol ,, dehydration is the no 1 concern for a rider and we drink on average about 1.5 - 2 litres of water every hour we ride just to keep up our fluids. The only time a rider will smell is if he has been really stupid and has pushed his heart rate too high for too long and has burnt muscle tissue as an energy source.

We wear lycra pants because our legs are turning at revolutions of 90-110 per minute and any other garment with a seam would turn your genitals into mince meat.

Cyclists are amoung the fittest people in our society , try going to an aerobics class and keeping your heart rate betwen 120-150bpm for three or four hours , meh try it for one hour! . We have great cardio vascular systems, personally i am a bit overweight but i have the bp of a 17 yr old and a body age of a 35 yr old despite being closer to 50.

We have fantastic legs if your into that sort of thing , and im not ashamed to admit it i am , a female cyclist - hubba hubba 8)

Cycling is a vale of tears for the beginner, but once your fit you will reach a place where its just you the bike and the road. A burst of effort doesnt bring a rush of pain, it brings a rush of endorphins. Your body is turbocharged and you feel your life force rushing through you.

quite different from a bunch of sweaty garlic eaters wouldnt you say? )

Posted by: mingle48 at August 22, 2009 7:55 PM

Oh send him here Karen, he sounds like a dream boat :-)

I would like to date him just to make him my B*(^tch instead :-)

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 22, 2009 6:35 PM

Yep Glitter... the "down to earth, laid back woman" or the "uncomplicated woman"... personal favourites of mine too! Grief, have they learnt nothing? But what that actually means is, "a women who is going to have no expectations of me and who will let me do what I darn well please, no questions asked!" Yeah, right... good luck with that!

Here's another good one, a direct quote... "Mindful of my independance and personal space, but know how to hold me like no other." Translation... another way of saying, "have no expectations of me, just be available to me when I feel the need for a bonk".

Posted by: karen59 at August 22, 2009 6:20 PM

Girls you are not going to believe this!!!

I just read a profile in which the guy said he would like a partner who will get up early every morning, make him breakfast and see him off to work!!!!

He also said that he admires a "hard worker" and someone who keeps "a clean and tidy home"!!!

He would like a partner who will get out and paint the house with him... go riding on his prized motorcycle... go fishing ... etc.

A direct quote, "I should be appreciated as the fun loving, hard working guy that I am".

WTF?!! He is gonna be inundated with kisses!! NOT!!!

Posted by: karen59 at August 22, 2009 5:32 PM

Oh yes, Sweetenuff and Glitter... the camera shot in the bathroom with no shirt... ewww... so tacky!!!

Glitter there are so many guys out there who are into cycling... I just don't get it!? Just not my idea of a good time. They are all yours Glitter!!

Posted by: karen59 at August 22, 2009 5:06 PM

sweetenuff67 at August 22, 2009 2:32 PM

Hahahahaha, my personal favourite is the guy who has 'don't judge a book by its cover and are there any decent women who will give a guy who doesn't look like six packed god a chance?' when he is the one who has she must be this, that the other physically and is clearly going around only messaging very pretty girls.

I love the 'I look and act younger' claims too.....I howl at that, as they never do.

Oh and my absolute favourite, the guy with more than one chin and a large build and protruding belly who has himself as athletic insisting on slim or athletic women......I now have on my profile, going by the rules you guys apply to yourself, I should be calling myself slim. You know, 90 percent of men at least who have athletic as their build are far far from that, but yet cat on about womens builds.

I cant stand men saying they like a naughty streak..............it just says sweaty man rubbing his legs as he talks.

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 22, 2009 3:56 PM

Ha Glitter, my Friday night was actually watching the sci fi channel with a Starbucks light soy hot chocolate with raspberry syrup...absolutely heavenly, the best date to have whilst snuggled up on the sofa with good tv.

Last weekend was a socially busy one for me, so enjoying a nice quiet one.

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 22, 2009 2:34 PM

Posted by: karen59 at August 22, 2009 9:44 AM

And use words like eclectic and tactile...
Say they act soooo much younger than their age..
Say they arent superficial but she has to be slim...and blonde...
Want someone honest and tell you they have fiddled with their age..
Say she has to like being intimate..
Ditto to no shirt - this in not a meat market???
Shots with head on the side or leaning back in a pose..
Or plastered...

Smile and a twinkle in the eye wins every time :)

Cheers to all,

Posted by: sweetenuff67 at August 22, 2009 2:32 PM

Hey you..loved the moon shot and the lighting. You have talent. Impressed how you captured the lighting. Check out RedBubble sometime...can't post the link..try googling it..amazing photography and art............x

Posted by: whenharrymetme at August 22, 2009 1:55 PM

Oney, you didn't miss anything. We all just didn't have anything to do on Friday night - Sooo where were you? - you probably have a social life. That's the trouble with moving a billion times in 2.5 years - your social life suffers and I've got to build mine back up again - no worries, usually happens in a few months . . ..

For me . . . my first 'crush' ever was on the Wookiee "Chewbacca" in Star Wars - hot - 7ft of all hairy masculinity - nice teeth, big hands and he didn't talk a lot (now I'm gonna scare Alove even more . . . ). But I bet if I liked him, then others our there would have too. So I relate to your Mr Stargate.

Kaz, yep not into those boat, motorbike and car shots - or the ones in front of the bathroom mirror with the flash of the camera shining on it - and the guy isn't wearing any shirt - they are my least faves. Oh and guys that want a "down to earth, laid back girl" - what does that meeeeaann? No woman is like that - don't they know that? Oh oh, and the other shots that get me are the ones with the slight part of a woman's arm draped over the guy (his X no doubt) - it just feels erky to me.

Having said that, I have seen some beautiful, natural, lovely shots of some men on rsvp.

Kaz I like a man who does yoga and cycling . .

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 22, 2009 1:48 PM

Glitter....yeah !! just as well I don't drink cheap scotch.....single malt mmmmmmm.....was slurring the words a bit last night and that double vision ,damm I thought it was the pc screen.HAHAHA.....ooo my head

Posted by: yeahitsme2 at August 22, 2009 1:36 PM

Oh... and any reference cycling... ewwww...men in sweaty lycra...
And men who do yoga...

Posted by: karen59 at August 22, 2009 10:02 AM

My sure fire profile hates...
People who use the word "zest"...
People who want to find their soul mate within a 10 km radius of their abode...
People who display photo's infront of cars, boats etc...
People who display photo's accesorized with a dead fish... etc... etc...etc....

Posted by: karen59 at August 22, 2009 9:44 AM

Here is a funny to start the day, well I can laugh at myself luckily or it could have been a devastating start to the day :-)

Hows this for an ego boost (sarcasm), I put up a new main picture yesterday and my favourites has gone down by no less than 5 people :-)

Good job I am not vain x

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 22, 2009 7:45 AM

Oh darn, I missed a whole load of 'love is in the air' and virtual footsies last night :-)

Darn my need to drool over that big dreadlocked guy on Stargate Atlantis with the goatee beard..............honestly, that guy is like pure yummyness. I even let out a cheer when he comes on, he really isn't on enough.

Yep I am not ashamed to admit, I also do a bit of hippie loving :-)

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 22, 2009 5:15 AM

Posted by: yeahitsme2 at August 21, 2009 10:48 PM
&
Posted by: yeahitsme2 at August 21, 2009 10:11 PM

Are you okay? Time to put the drinkies away. . .

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 21, 2009 11:03 PM

Glitter......so the sand bar and pine forrest were moored in the bay with the yachts...or was that just a bloody big eagle....as you Q's say "please explian"

Posted by: yeahitsme2 at August 21, 2009 10:48 PM

I get it Glitter...we are equal:))

Posted by: feelgood76 at August 21, 2009 10:27 PM

Wish i could erase my last post now.... darn it!! i'll pay that:)

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at August 21, 2009 10:18 PM

Glitter......slezy ??
OH.....you mean sleezy
Right....got it !
Actually no.
mmmm they do work better if you take the lens caps off.......hahaha
:)~

Posted by: yeahitsme2 at August 21, 2009 10:11 PM

Ok FG more than happy to have a paddle on the Maroochy River with you (if you use your imagination, up Eudlo Crk or Petrie Crk it's like you are on the Amazon - just a little game I play with myself - I can almost see the village people stalking me with spears from the river banks through the trees . . . ).

Only thing is I don't have my kayak yet - ready in about 3 weeks. We could hire some margerine containers just for fun.

It's a pity you are not a nerd, otherwise you sound almost perfect : )) Guess it's lucky I'm not a model, or I'd be almost perfect too.

Glitter : )

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 21, 2009 10:00 PM

One, that's hysterical (the 42 yo guy living with his mom)!

Yeah, I love sci fi (Isaac Asimov is an old fave). I think guys that like board games are HOT esp Trivial Pursuit and Pictionary, love a 1000 piece puzzle and a good game of hide and seek. Takes a real man to do the silly, daggy stuff like that - how much do we laugh when we play board games though?

There is nothing more attractive than a woman just being herself (having fun) and if that's sometimes dressed as Spongebob Squarepants, well so be it . . . whatever floats you (and his) boat : )

: )

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 21, 2009 9:13 PM

well Glitter i have an interest in Astrophysics and kayaking, and love David Attenborough, don't mind a scary movie, Sadly.... i'm not a nerd.. But when i'm on the gold coast next month, i might race up and see my mate on the sunshine coast. If i do i'll get in touch. we'll go for a paddle. if you can keep up..:)
FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at August 21, 2009 8:53 PM

Glitter, we are so going to have to go on Springer 'Get your hands offfa maye maynnnnnnnn'

He also needs to accept and find amusing the fact I was spongebob on occassion and I enjoy board games, thats often a killer for me. Doesnt seem men can put sexy intelligent, goddess and spongebob together :-)

Two of my best friends are guys and all we do is talk sci fi, its brilliant. Well we do talk about other stuff....sometimes....I think.

Sweetenuff, I am laughing as I actually read a profile that asked for virtually exactly that today, the little black dress and the whipping up a storm in the kitchen, but also being a virtual superwoman, whilst saving the world single handedly and finding the cure for global warming.......................all a request from a guy who still lives at home with his parents and was wondering if he should go travelling next year or do a TAFE in plastering and all at the proud age of 42.....hahahaha

Happy Friday :-)

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 21, 2009 8:47 PM

Yeahyou2,

That sounded kinda slezy . . . but since you asked . . .

I was looking out to the ocean at a sea eagle wheeling over a large sand bar with a pine forest and the few yachts moored in the bay (The Lewisham Spit - Tasmania).

I was also checking my friends couldn't see into my windows (as my old house used to be across the bay) - fortunately - no they couldn't : )

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 21, 2009 8:46 PM

Sweetenuff @ 7.22 ~ Yah, I can do that for your baby. What time will you be home for the thai dinner, sex and coffee (I wouldn't want any of it to get cold for you . . . )

No sweat Sweetie!

Glitter xo

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 21, 2009 8:38 PM

Posted by: karen59 at August 21, 2009 4:15 PM

glad you enjoyed it Now i guess you got top do is find a partner to share your 51st

Posted by: unknownauthor at August 21, 2009 8:13 PM

Hey Glitter....just checked out your profile. Whats with the binoculars...do you like to watch......lol you don't look the type..
:)~

Hey Bob......make the most of it...and have one for me.......onya

Posted by: yeahitsme2 at August 21, 2009 8:03 PM

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 21, 2009 1:11 PM

And can..

Change their own tyres..
Catch their own spiders..
All in black dress with stillettos..
While running a marathon..
And cooking up a little thai dish..
A quick zip round the globe..
And have plenty of time for sex...
Before making a great coffee for dessert.

:)

Posted by: sweetenuff67 at August 21, 2009 7:22 PM

p.p.s. Oney, are you suuuuure you are not me?

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 21, 2009 6:15 PM

Oney ~ as long as he's not MY science fiction nerd (God . . . please send me one of THOSE!!). Because you know, One, our territories do cross a little (you're within my two fiddy radius girly!!).

So hands off my nerd - I will know him because he will be as obsessed with Sir David Attenborough as I am. And we will think that watching one of his docos (or a doco on the Galaxy or genetic engineering) over a nice bottla wine, would be a great night in. Oooohhh how exciting - can't wait - he's gonna be really quirky . . . and totally HOT, unique and allll miiiiiiinnneee (mwhahhaa mwhahaha - eeeviLL laughter)

Just having a creative visualisation session, sorry 'bout that).

Glitter *lusting after nerdy, smart guys that cook and read books and would rather swallow gravel than watch TV sports*

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 21, 2009 6:05 PM

Hahahaha Glitter.............me too!!!!

I find it a real turn off if a guy watches sport. I think its as I found it really irritating as I came from a family of sport watchers, religiously, every night the footie results show, every Saturday and Sunday, be it cricket, rugby, or soccer, even golf.....and I never got to watch what I wanted to (big sulk).

I run from tv sport obsessed people, just because our snuggle up on the sofa viewing would be hideously poles apart.

Give me a science fiction nerd please (am I allowed to be 'that' picky?)

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 21, 2009 5:25 PM

HEY ALL.... I AM BACK!!!!

Thank-you everybody for your best wishes re turning the big five 0! I have had two days of party, party, party , party... and I have been thoroughly spoilt. I'd recommend a 50th birthday to anybody!!

....And FG, I feel no different! How good is that?!!!

Happy birthday Bob... I hope you enjoy!!!
Drink up and be merry... It worked a treat for me!!! Cheers!

Missed you all just catching up on the latest blog chat now. Kaz oxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Posted by: karen59 at August 21, 2009 4:15 PM

Laine, I have had the same experiences and feelings as you - but I am with Oney on this. I have absolutely zero expectations of finding a partner on this site (maybe I will, maybe I won't) - I use it more of a social networking tool - to meet like minded people. Rsvp is just another door that is open for possibilities . . . good to view it as only one of your options and not get too disheartened.

It can be tough if you really feel you are neading and wanting a solid relationship - rsvp can sometimes make you feel like you will never ever have one again as there seems to be no-one your drawn to or have much in common with - but that's an illusion, which I don't thinks a good thing to dwell on.

One of the main things I would do if I had an rsvp magic wand - would be to get people to read your profile thoroughly and think to themselves "now could we actually be compatible and do I match what s/he's asking for"? That would save SOOOO many wasted kisses and unsolicited bloody emails. Maybe they are just ultra lonely (or horny) and just don't care who they get.

I dunno, I haven't got the answers. All I know is that I will not reply in the positive again (for a partner type date) unless I think we have compatibility - at least on paper - before going any further. I am going to be brutally honest with myself and "not just make them fit". That's what got me into big touble the last time. Nothing wrong - just not compatible . . . ah der Glitter!!

This guy kissed me the other day - and his profile was really nice - except his passion is sports (not like doing sport) but following sport eg loves watching the footy on TV: ARL, NRL, ABC, DEF, Cricket - you name it. I just hate the sound of TV sports (always have, even as a kid) and it would kill me - this is something he's gonna watch A lot and throughout the whole year. Now I have on my profile - "not into watching TV Sports", and "Turn offs - you are right into watching the footy on telly". Why would you contact me then????? - probably saw a bit of boob on the profile and didn't care . . .

Some people would think that's picky - and it is - only because it's so important to me, such an aversion. Don't mind a guy liking to watch the footy every now and then, because I can disappear up a river somewhere with my kayak, or out with my friends to catch a movie. But if that person's got a passion and it clashes with one of your main aversions - well, doesn't matter how nice the rest of the profile is.

It's called being true to yourself and not feeling desperate that you have to jump at the first half way decent guy/gal that kisses you. There are heaps of nice people out there and someone is a match for you Laine. You just gotta find each other : )))

If you sit and wait by the in-box for Mr Perfect Match, you're gonna give yourself an ulcer. But He may well kiss you, when you leeeeaast suspect it (don't you hate when people say that!)

Luv Glitter xo

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 21, 2009 3:51 PM

Jucy Lucy, not when I was driving . . . .

No, seriously, they have speed limits now : Not that anyone takes any notice of them, they are usually too pissed, or reaching for another stubbie from the esky on the back seat of the ute . . . . not that there's anything wrong with that . . : ))))

Glitter

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 21, 2009 3:18 PM

Come on Laines,, Cheer up:))
I'll miss looking at your big smile..:) and i loved the photography. Sometimes i go on crazy benders and get up in the middle on the night to take photos of the moon across the water, or early morning sunrises.
I'll post one up on my profile of the moon over the water. Same password. ( In fact i'll change one each week.)

Posted by: feelgood76 at August 21, 2009 3:02 PM

Hi Ladies,

It's on both sides of the fence alive an well. Before i send a kiss i ask myself would we have an attraction in the street? Another thing i think of is, Would our differences be to great in the long run? Many people i have spoken to an here have all had these false issues. I hid my profile for a while as i lost all faith in this site. The only reason i decided to place it back up was time warp. He inspired me to continue on. After all, he has finally found his partner after all these years. He's been on more dates than Madona.., but in the end he won the battle. That reminds me, POETS night tonight. not for me tho. Maybe tomorrow:)))
Like the end line in Dumb and dumber... "Just go to keep your eyes open, chance like that comes once in a life time."

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at August 21, 2009 2:38 PM

Laine, I can totally understand, in fact I was laughing as I read the list, like I was ticking yes to each of them.

Internet dating isn't everyones cup of tea, I have absolutely zero expectation but have made a couple of friends, you know who you are, they are both men funnily and neither are a match, but both fantabulous guys.

The problem comes when you are trying to find that one fantabulous guy who matches you........its a right royal one as you are right, you get totally stunned by what people think is a good match.

I must confess, I am shocked at the number of RSVP men who:

Live with their parents
Write like they are 17 year old texters
Have the hopes and dreams of a 17 year old (aka, I am thinking of doing either a TAFE course in this or that and maybe doing a year of travelling first)...aka no clue what they are doing with their life
Claiming women shouldnt judge a book by its cover when they only message the prettiest girls on the site
Want a woman who is laid back and doesnt ask for much

I think that covers most of it.........in all seriousness Laine, good luck, hope you arent going off the blogs, but if you are, the very best to you

xx

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 21, 2009 1:11 PM

Onemore..I can relate to what you are saying here, epecially when you mention that you are perplexed as to why some men contact you. I find the same thing!! I am approached by men that I would have nothing in common with socially, intellectually or physicaly if we met in the real world. So why do they contact me on RSVP? They disregard my ideal partner requirements....many send an email without even enquiring with a kiss first.

Are all the good ones taken? Not quite. But here’s a lot of what I'm going to get as a 40 + year-old woman on RSVP -Commitment phobes. Players. Financially unstable guys. Unattractive guys. Socially awkward guys. Much younger guys. Much older guys. Look in your in-box. I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know….

I have taken my profile down today ..can't bare it any longer.

x Laine

Posted by: whenharrymetme at August 21, 2009 11:03 AM

John, it happens to all of us, and that topic has been covered on here on numerous occations. Just stick to the rule as oney say.

Happy Birthday Bob...have a good one.

Perthy, Love your post, laptop on bed, pink cat push the buttons,,,sounds like mine, want to see what mummy's doing...and push the wrong buttons...Aren't they sweet.

Posted by: luciemanette at August 21, 2009 10:27 AM

Hi Glitter, i know what you mean, can only emagine, you texta out the smart state, lol, really funny....My personal number plates say sunshine state, with yellow frangipani's - love it...driving wind in my hair, music on ...life is good..Hey I've been told NT has no speed limits, Is that true...

Posted by: luciemanette at August 21, 2009 10:23 AM

John, stick to the rule, if they contact you, let them email you, even if you like them back.

Really sorry to hear that, I know its frustrating, but the fact is, a lot of people use this site as an ego boost rather than a serious look, they like the attention, the win, the thrill of the chase, or whatever else.

If I kissed a guy and I liked it :-) (sorry I had to its Friday) then I would be more than happy to send the mail.

If you like someone and you kiss them and they reply interested, then yes, you send the mail.

Really sorry though, its just bad luck John, never take it personally, it happens to the very best of them, so its nothing and should never be taken as anything to do with yourself okay.

Good luck with it all and happy Friday everyone

xx

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 21, 2009 9:41 AM

Hi all, my apologies if this has been previously covered, but one thing I would like others opinion on is why do some people send a kiss saying they would like to get to know you, so you reply, then send an Email only to get no reply at all?

Its not like its a bad email, it only elaborates slightly on a few points in my profile and asks a few questions (the type of thing you do when getting to know someone).

This has happened a couple of times now (twice out of eleven emails) and I just find it a little frustrating, especially considering that they initiated contact.

John :)

Posted by: johnj71 at August 21, 2009 7:45 AM

awwww... i c u..l @ me..l @ u....
:)~

Posted by: yeahitsme2 at August 20, 2009 11:10 PM

Glitter, When I post I am usually sprawled on my bed with the laptop, one eye on the television and the other on this. My cat, who incidentally is the one dyed purple on the tv ad, is sprawled here as well.

When I type on the screen the letters don't appear prior tofilling about three lines so usually I just type, sort of how I think at the time and then hit enter and hope for the best.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 20, 2009 11:09 PM

Magda Szubanski gets on my nerves. She's still pulling those dopey faces and waving her arms around exactly the same as when she was really chunky. Sort of doesn't look the full quid to me.

I know she is but gosh fed up with all the face pulling.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 20, 2009 11:05 PM

What do you mean 'cold shoulder to you' and look at your photo there with your tongue stuck out like a big naughty kid!!!!

Everybody take a look at this bad guy !!!!! lol

Posted by: iaminperth at August 20, 2009 11:02 PM

Hey perthy
hey perthy
hey perthyyyyy
cold shoulder to you

Posted by: yeahitsme2 at August 20, 2009 10:33 PM

Perth - I know you are trying. Very trying. Keep pressing that enter key as it does help us A-types read your posts : ))

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 20, 2009 10:18 PM

HI Nik,

Getting completely smashed is a given.....getting home is an option...getting sober again...maybe when I have my 60th!!

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 20, 2009 10:09 PM

Hey Lucy, my license plate says the "smart state" but I liked my old license plate that said the "sunshine state" - ' cause when I drove to the Kimberleys I had to texta out the "smart state" on my plates so the NT/WA people wouldn't key my car and bash me up for being a 'prat'.

Thank God I'm home safe and sound - the textas worn off anyway : ))) At the end of the day, you can't hide who you are . . .the "smart state" : )))

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 20, 2009 10:01 PM

Hippy Biday for tomorra - Bobb-ey.

Luv Glitter xoxo

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 20, 2009 9:58 PM

I think you are right Glitter about learning the things you don't want in your life. Para !

I think that sometimes you notice things a little more also that maybe wouldn't have been noticed at other times in life. It's not that someone is mean or boring or anything like that, it's just, can you be bothered going through all that kind of stuff again in your life and on a learning curve of what you don't want in a relationship v what you do want in a relationship.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 20, 2009 9:48 PM

Hey Pizzchic,

Have a great weekend on the Coast, and have a nice time with V....!

Psst.....Don't forget to take your suspenders and high heels with ya...:))

Luv Virgo...:) xoxo

Posted by: virgowoman2 at August 20, 2009 9:45 PM

Bob....... ready.......hmmmmmm

Hippo birdee two ewes
Hippo birdee two ewes
Hippo birdee, Hippo birdee
Hippo birdee two ewes

Have a wonderful birthday tomorrow Bobbles, 54 who'd have thunk, hope your mates get you well and truly smashed tomorrow night!! I'd post this tomorrow but I think the moderators are a bit slow, Nik x

Virgo!!!! Put your glasses on and look at the keyboard for goodness sake - you can't spell - what the hell is "my phys-chic friend", It is psychic (pizzchic), hehe. Told you ;-)

Lucie, trust me I am evil, ask Virgo!! I just asked her but didn't have to talk to her cos I am pizzchic!

Have a great weekend all, I'm off to the Coast, long weekend for me - yay.

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 20, 2009 9:22 PM

Hi All, thought I'd let you know I got a reply from Mr 2 to 9 years younger .. .

It was 2 lines - made me laugh out loud.

At the end of it he said " I usually give the insults . . . don't throw rocks chicka".

hahaha, you gotta laugh and smile dontchya? It's kinda funny really.

He didn't answer my question though? What's with the 2-9 years younger and no-one same age or older?? I am really curious.

Guess I'll never know. All I know is I don't want a fella like that.

The more your realise what you don't want, the closer you are to knowing what you do want - and that's a good thing hey?

Perth - it is very warm, sunny and tropical here on the Sunshine Coast today (short shorts and a singlet) - glittering lights off the ocean : ))) Sorry it's been raining there in Perth, for months! : ))

Oh and there's no rooting by anything around here at the momen : ((

Luv Glitter xo *who promises not to throw rocks at boys*

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 20, 2009 7:23 PM

Thanks Nik...we all have our own imposed values, morals and conditions to matches...What is important to me, might not neccessarily be the case with anyone else....Personally i look for a spark...
well it's a bit elusive in truth and I've only now just come to realise just how hard it is to explain, but here goes I'll give it a shot.

The spark can vary as to when it hits, sometimes it can be instantaneous, like an moment that takes your breath away or other times it can come once you've known a person for a little while and something they say/ do stops you in your tracks and can change your feeling for them completely.
The spark is how I know I'm truly attracted to someone, it's that feeling you get when you see someone and admire what you see and feel you must learn more. The spark is a physical feeling. It is something that happens to you, it gives you a jolt, makes your heart skip a beat, it can give your stomach butterflies, it can make you lose appetite. A spark however is not lust, lust is ongoing and a continuum, the spark is that initial buzz that starts the lust off. The spark just is. When you've met someone and you get that pang, then that's the spark. They're few and far between but they exist. They're certainly special and definitely unique but always coming with it is the feeling that something great is occurring....

Posted by: luciemanette at August 20, 2009 4:13 PM

Hi Nik
The resemblance is remarkable between you and her, she lives in Brisbane were actually my hub leader last year on a project out here. Even the hair style, mid boggling...
Nope can't be - you are lovely - NOT evil!!!

Go QLD bloggers, we are not called the sunshine state, or is the smart state.... for nothing....lol :)

Posted by: luciemanette at August 20, 2009 2:09 PM

Hey Perthy .....multiplication does get a far better result than division...no wonder girls at better at math.............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rob :)~)

Posted by: yeahitsme2 at August 20, 2009 12:01 PM

Hey Nik,

Nothing evil about you....my phys-chic friend....:)

Luv Virgo...:) xoxo

Posted by: virgowoman2 at August 20, 2009 10:59 AM

That's absolute gold Perthy....and justice for all..!!

Virgo...:)

Posted by: virgowoman2 at August 19, 2009 11:23 PM

Hey Lucie, Nope sorry, don't travel to Mackay for work or have been there for many many years, nor family members. Don't say I have an evil twin lurking up north - now that would be scary, especially as I'm the evil one!! LOL

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 19, 2009 9:07 PM

Thats brilliant, absolutely brilliant......hahahahaha

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 19, 2009 8:45 PM

hahahahaha i shouldn't laugh perthy but that was the most insane letter ever...*#! lost for words.. That's off the chart..
I admire you greatly for being able to post that on the blogs.

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at August 19, 2009 8:41 PM

Perthy ahhh I love it.....you beauty...
Just comes to show - war between the sexes still alive and well, and what ever he can do, I Can do better......lol

Posted by: luciemanette at August 19, 2009 8:29 PM

For all the lovely Over 50's and proud of it ladies out there !

A note on the refrigerator one morning :

My Dear Wife,
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54
years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value
you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you

will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening
with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be
upset----I shall be home before midnight.

When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:

My Dear Husband,
I received your letter and thank you for your honesty
about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to
remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a math
teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you
read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my
students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile,
and like your secretary, is 18 years old.
As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math, you
will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small
difference - 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.
Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 19, 2009 7:10 PM

Glitter,

I think you know how proud I am to be a woman after reading your reply. Its my pet hate too, so much I have it in my profile about the minimum and maximum age being younger than the guy himself.....as I say in my profile, if you dont want your age, why should you expect anyone else?

Fabulous reply............when someone is wanting what they are not.........its just not fair and is an insult to the person on the receiving end, so go you x

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 19, 2009 6:35 PM

Ok - I'm going to post on topic for once : ))

Isn't it funny how we all feel differently about unsolicited emails? As I've said before, I don't like them, think they are pushy, rude and needy - just me - I think I am a bit old fashioned in my values . . ?

Anyway, I received (another) one today and I thought I'd share this with you. This man said he had one last stamp left, he is intending to go off the Site at the end of the week, addressed two point on my profile (yes I cook, yes I laugh) and then proceeded to give me his mobile number. So I checked out his profile, as you do . .

Now quite a few of you will probably shoot me down or think I have been rude - possibly. BUT his profile pissed me off even more as you will note in my reply below:

Reply to his email:

Hi XX, that's very flattering.

I was interested that you are looking for a woman 2 to 9 years younger than you and no-one older or the same age?? I was curious . . . why is that? If I did that then I'd be looking for a man in the range of 28 to 35 yo = that would make my highest age limit 8 years younger than you . . .

I am always quite surprised when a man is looking for a woman who is either much younger than himself &/or no older bracket - what does it indicate?

Also, you haven't filled out crucial areas of your profile eg. music, reading, movies etc. these tell a potential partner/date about you so that she can see if you have areas of compatibility and some of these things are important to women.

But what I noticed the most is, at the bottom of you profile you said "if you kiss me and I don't reply, . . sorry" - sorry XX, that is just bad manners. It only takes a click of a mouse to send a thanks, good luck reply. This tells me a lot about someone.

You may be a very nice and genuine man (like you say), but since you emailed me directly, I thought I would give you some constructive feedback from a woman's perspective.

At the end of the day, from what you have written, your method and your manners, we do not have enough in common. Sorry you wasted your last stamp on me (bet you're wishing you hadn't : ) - you could have just sent a kiss . . . and I would have replied . . "good luck in your search" And meant it nicely : )))

(end of email)

I was not intending to be mean - I thought, well I can't send a kiss reply, and I felt like I wanted to let him know how some people feel out there - who knows, maybe he will do it differently next time . . . but as he says, he'll be off the Site in a week (yeah right-e-oh sure).

I bet you anything I get a mean and defensive (unsolicited) reply?? Anyone want to make a money bet?? I love a bet when I know I'm gonna win : )))))))))

Glitter (said with love, of course)

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 19, 2009 5:19 PM

Happy Birthday Kaz!! I'm having a glass of red and sending you a birthday wish : ))

Luv Glitter xo

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 19, 2009 4:52 PM

Happy birthday Karen... How did you wake up..?? No different..?

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at August 19, 2009 2:29 PM

Hope you have a fabulous day today Kaz full of pampers, treats and love.

I thought I would share something that happened this morning, as its so darn nice. I got an unsolicited email from a gorgeous guy, I would be so lucky kind of guy, but he wasnt sleazing, looking for an ego boost or anything of the sort......these are the guys that make our days.

He spent a stamp, just to send a 'yay you' email, to tell me how good my profile was, how he would wish me luck but he didn't think I would need it as I could achieve what I wanted. There was absolulutely no agenda in it, he was not looking or anything, but sent that email and spent that stamp just to give to someone.

Now that is what I call a man...............he has made me smile and hopefully, made you people smile a little bit too knowing people like that still roam this earth :-)

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 19, 2009 7:23 AM

Alove
I am just wondering, i am looking at your photo,,and you remind me of someone i know. Ever been to Mackay for work related matters? or do you have a sister? hmmmm. I do know you from somewhere..

Posted by: luciemanette at August 18, 2009 11:43 PM

KAZ,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU,
HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYYY.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU,
HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYYY.

It's Stevie Wonders version...!!!

Lots of love and best wishes to you on your very spesh birthday...!!

Welcome to the wonderful 50's Club...Yayyyy....:)))

MWAH....Virgo...:) xoxo

Posted by: virgowoman2 at August 18, 2009 11:38 PM

Hi Alove
Thanks for the encouragement, might need it for getting a date,,lol,,but frankly forming lovely friendships on the blog..having fun. Hope everything is going well for you.

Posted by: luciemanette at August 18, 2009 11:36 PM

Hi Perthy - thanks you , hmm i think...that was not the image i was trying for...hhehe, just a kid at heart,,maybey i should rename my profile to "wild kid at heart"...
Yes photo's are so real and current, no photoshop used for thouch ups,,,what you see is what you get, although i am changing faces all the time. hahaah. Yes the Journey of life, we all have to walk to path, if we like it or not,, Perthy you're a gem.

Posted by: luciemanette at August 18, 2009 11:09 PM

Fish - check, veges - check, red wine - copious - check, nuts - they're all on here. But it's true, it's just digits, can't stop them, go with them. Enjoy the journey.

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 18, 2009 11:08 PM

Hey Lucie, You look like a little kid dressed up as an indian !!! Very nice pics friendly and fun and altogether real. Don;'t worry if you are turning 50 anyone, been there done that ! I had a party at home and I have no idea who was the last to leave but they locked the door behind them. It's just another little part in this journey called life. Just eat more fish, more green veges and lots of red wine. Oh forgot, a few nuts as well.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 18, 2009 10:54 PM

Ok Kaz, tomorrow is the 19th - the big 5-0 (the new 40s), so.....ready.....hmmmmmmm

Hippo Birdee Two Ewes
Hippo Birdee Two Ewes
Hippo Birdee
Hippo Birdee
Hippo Birdee Two Ewes

From your red fruit loop sis, Nik xx - enjoy!!!

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 18, 2009 10:49 PM

karen.., sore

Posted by: feelgood76 at August 18, 2009 10:18 PM

Karen59
I hope i am the first to sing,,,,Ahhhh do oo ray meeee The sopranos in action..., Happy Birthday to you,,,happy Birthdayyyyyyy tooooo YOUUUUUUU, You look like a monkey, you belong in the zooooo, happy B'day to you.....kaz, hope you have a wonderful joy filled day, may you have all the blessing it brings,,,the BIG 50..yeehhhh.....you go girl....

Posted by: luciemanette at August 18, 2009 9:21 PM

Thanks for your best wishes guys! Just enjoying my last few hours under 50 years! I'll see if I feel any different when I wake up tomorrow morning! Ha! :)

Posted by: karen59 at August 18, 2009 9:00 PM

Hi Lizzie ,,me gain, thanks for that wink, i should sign up for RSVIP and get stamps, so i can email you, would love to form a friendship with you off the blogs So you liked my funny pics hey?,,,,lol

Posted by: luciemanette at August 18, 2009 7:48 PM

hi Lizzie, check out my new pics, i will keep them visible for a short time only. Had a seventies party on the 8th, was it fun, i gave a complete new meanng to Sher,,,sunny wasnt around, ok you get the picture,,,was a fantastic night, my neigbour's 45th b'day and was a abba theme but turned into 70s - 60s even had the peace earrings and necklace,,,so did everybody else anndddd in real life had some chemistry too, this bloke stared into my eyes all night, our eyes literally locked all night,,and the converstaion between us was electrifying, we just stood for hours talking to each other with empty wine glasses in our hands,neighter one wanted to leave the conversation to fill up the glasses,,,,, wowoow, Never mind my wicket sence of humour i am being extremely naughty. Just wanted to share ..thought i will post on a positive yet naughty note, ok you can all go and check me out.......

Posted by: luciemanette at August 18, 2009 6:24 PM

Happy birthday Kaz! ,
got some on topic music for your party - usual thing goto youtube home and paste this in after the / watch?v=9AKQ2H4QW9M&feature=related

enjoy ! :)

Posted by: mingle48 at August 18, 2009 4:47 PM

Happy birthday for tomorrow Kaz :-) I wont sing, it would set all the cats off in the neighbourhood.

Talking of fruit loop, just got a kiss from a handsome (looking from the vague black and white photo), but separated guy......I mean come on.......whats a separated guy doing on a date site? Thing is, I sent a 'read my profile in more detail' response, in other words.......no I am not interested in feeding your ego, being a shoulder to cry on, a woman to take revenge on vicariously or something to work your issues out on...........but of course, another kiss came.

Its then you almost want to spend a stamp just to tell them that only an idiot would date a separated guy saying 'I am looking for friends and maybe a relationship later'.........no darling, you are looking for Mother me Theresa.

Fruit loop, coming through......I could have ranted at him for hours about how wrong he was :-)

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 18, 2009 1:27 PM

Hi Alove
Yes i am back blogging, if all else fail i am making gorgeous, wonderful, intelligent friends on here, yeeeeee, Thes blogs are becoming my remedy now, "pantene" only if i have a bad hairday---lol, i rather need a panadol for the headache i encounter....lol
I do realise that it is a numbers game, ill be right, just blowing off some steam from time to time.

Perthy - if you happy where you are, then stay there, or move back to Qld, get a holiday home on the sunshine coast, or where ever you fancy, for the winter period, and we can go for a coffeee, and a chat someday,,,love to catch up with a fellow cat and dog lover...You are such a nice person.

Amberlight - wisdom comes with age, i would hate to be in my 20s again, you thought you knew it all,,,but reaching a certain age, you realise there is still so much to be learned, and explored...the soul never grows old. Every expression line in our faces tells a story of who we are, those frown lines, those crow feet, many many smiles and some of us had many tears, but you get up and try again, and again, and the lines becomes more visable, luckily there is many products on the market now to choose from, we dont have to look old, therefore dont stop living to the fullest every day, cause what goes around, comes around...

I have actually been told many many years ago by a medium, that i have an guardian - an old lady with a wicket sence looking after me - that will explain my behaviour all these years.....lol - another foot loop, make in orange, my favourite colour....

Virgo-Lizzie- you are a gem, the most perfectly formed and balanced Pearl,,,ohhh forget the pearl - a diamond you are, they don't come any better than you....

Posted by: luciemanette at August 18, 2009 11:17 AM

Lizzie, yes please i will remember yours on the 2nd, happy birthday to you,,,,,,lalalalalaa, - growing up is mandatory - growing old - NOT.....
i will be 42- where did my 30s went, before i know i am 50......

Kaz yours is tomorrow,,,,,

Perthy - I know - that is all the gov do well, complain but do nothing about it, i am on an acre and have two water tanks so they can keep their water, with all the rain we had in the start of the year my tanks are full, - i have been wearing summer clothes through the so called winter up here, ok got a bit chilly at night, and just yesterday took one blanky already off my bed, obsolutely beautiful...but incredibly dry at the moment....

Posted by: luciemanette at August 18, 2009 9:27 AM

Hey Perthy, move back to QLD or stop whinging about the weather in Perth!!! :) Could be worse you know!!

Virgo... just be you... we like it that way!! No need to act grown up... plenty of time for that in our 80's! Do you think we will still be chatting on RSVP? Kaz :)))) xo

Posted by: karen59 at August 18, 2009 8:31 AM

You are right guys. I think anyone who hasn't done something 'loopy' in their lives, hasn't really lived!

Too late Virgo, and besides you are having far too much fun!

Happy birthday Kaz. I know, turning 50 sounds crap! I was 51 this year, "officially" outside the age limit of most guys near our age now.
Nevertheless, all of us over 50s know we are a great "catch"!

Posted by: amberlight58 at August 18, 2009 1:50 AM

Hi Luciemanette,
Actually I think nearly every one "feels younger" than their age .
Talk to any person in their 80s or 90s and most will tell you that inside, they still feel like they did in their 30s, it's just that "outside" things are falling apart, rapidly!

I always find it rather amusing when people insist in their profiles that they "feel much younger" than their age, as if that is something amazing and unique to them.

It isn't.

If you bother to ask any older person, how old they feel on the inside, almost all of them will say that one of the hardest things about getting older is that while the joints creak, inside you still feel the same.

Barring alzheimer's disease or mental health issues like depression, most older people are just as young as you or I on the inside.
It's just that younger people don't understand this, so they often treat aged people as if their aging bodies represent the person they really are.

I don't want to ever "feel my age" if I can help it.
But it does seem true that some people are old at 40, while others still have a sense of fun and great humour at 80.
I guess this is a major reason while personality and attitude are more important over-all than just being good-looking.

I plan on reminding my own children of this, frequently!
We just need to make sure that in OUR dotage, the staff at "Shady Pines Retirement Village" are aware of this as well, guys!
If we can work on it, in another 20 or so years, 80 could be the "new 40"!

Why should ANYONE have to age gracefully?

Posted by: amberlight58 at August 18, 2009 1:38 AM

Hey Karen,

Run for the hills...Lizzie is tuning up the old squawk-box...not the cat getting strangled!!!

Hey Lizzie,

Dont grow up...you are such a fun little froot loop...besides, all the best people were born in 1955!!

bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 17, 2009 11:41 PM

Virgo, honey you are gold fairy dust that brings such joy to everyone you cast your gaze on and I'm so grateful we are friends. No sorry, blessed. Even fruit loopy ones, red please, you know it's my favourite colour, I'll tell you next time you have 4 hours and a bottle of wine spare! xoxoxox

Lucie, good to see you back and blogging furiously, yes I also get perplexed by the delay on the weekends, but don't give up, just think RSVP is like Pantene, it won't happen overnight but it will (may?!) happen. Every time you get a no you just may be closer to a yes - who knows!! Yes, warm one today, it is still 20 degrees inside, Enjoy, x That goes for you too Bastion - good things come to those who wait or take it slow.

Kaz, I been here lovey!! Just reading and taking it all in and learning from my fellow bloggers. I put the message up today as tomorrow night would have been too late, and now I realise it is the 19th - blonde moment!!!!! I don't get a chance before work or during the day. I'm not wicked, well not all the time ;-) You enjoy your night out, I envy you Rob Thomas, he's fabulous. I've yet to get his new CD but I want it!! Big kisses big sista, Nik xoxoxoxoxo

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 17, 2009 11:36 PM

Kaz,

Two sleeps to go before the big day....hmm...I'm getting in tune for the occassion...:)))

Renee,

Do you want me to sing Happy Birthday to you too on the 10th...???

My Birthday is the 2nd Sept....holy Mother Me Theresa...I'm going to be 54..I better think about starting to act grown-up...!

Virgo...:) xoxo

Posted by: virgowoman2 at August 17, 2009 11:02 PM

Ahhh Bob... you always make me laugh... thank-you! Kaz :)

Posted by: karen59 at August 17, 2009 10:59 PM

I read this profile today and made me think - no i didnt sent him a kiss, wanted to but nope---anyway he states "if you don't know how old you are, -- how old would you be, consider yourself to be" hmmmm interesting i feel like 32 year old,, anybody else...but rather interesting concept don't you think

Posted by: luciemanette at August 17, 2009 10:59 PM

Note taken onboard mate..!

Few..., that was close.. thought judge was gunna hang me..:))

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at August 17, 2009 10:55 PM

Hey Lucie, I lived in Qld most of my adult life and I miss the sunshine and warmth. I find it really cold here and dark in the winter. This year it is never going to stop raining but the govt will still whinge and whine about no water. Oh well. I am looking forward to summer and some warmth but it will be a little while here yet before we get any decent stuff.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 17, 2009 10:43 PM

True FG, turned on the news this evening and they said it is going to be cold and raining all week. It was beautiful and sunny today but I still had a long sleeved top and jacket on, chill in the air. Raining now, apparently until next Sunday. I am starting work at 7a.m. each day so I'll be driving in the dark and the rain. Changing my broadband connection to Optus, had a gutful of Telstra. I am just hoping it all goes smoothly.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 17, 2009 10:30 PM

Hey Nik... we've you been wicked sista? Lovely to see you back. Pink was sensational. She is a master entertainer. I saw her last time she was here in 2007 and wondered if I might be disappointed this time... but not a chance! A great night!

Got tickets to Rob Thomas for Feb 5 next year. Yummy!

Thanks for your kind thoughts re my birthday... one day early... but I can live with that :)))) Should have a great night... virtually taking over a restaurant with family and friends... also have a designated driver!
Work the next day should be interesting!!!
Cheers fellow fruit loop, Kaz xxoo

Posted by: karen59 at August 17, 2009 10:11 PM

Hey FG,

Mental note...stay away from RSVP girls that blog...you might wake up cut out, exorcised, or a black and white minstrel!!!

Bob:))))

Posted by: notafigjam at August 17, 2009 10:10 PM

Hi Lizzie, When is your b'day, must be coming up soon, mine is 10 Sept..

Hi Perthy
Long time no chat, so glad i don't live in Perth or Canberra, its way to cold for my liking.. nice hot weather up here...hardly had any winter at all. Unlike the cold freezin winters back in South Africa...

Posted by: luciemanette at August 17, 2009 10:08 PM

Nik,

You can be a red, orange or yellow froot loop, but in my opinion you're a diamond...I hope you're comfy at home in your pj's and your beautiful slippers....say hi to V for me too...!!!

Luv Virgo...:) xoxo

Posted by: virgowoman2 at August 17, 2009 9:59 PM

Hi Virgowoman

Thanks sweetie, you are such a nice person. Can't agree with you more. Yes the blogs are the only thing to come back too. I am sick of sending kissess and getting no returns etc, or say yes to a kiss and not going anywhere either. So now i am not sending kisses to anybody,,,and if wonder above wonder, ye right being a realist "in my dreams alright" happen...take it from there, I hope you have better luck Lizzie than me...how is the weather your way? As it is back to summer here in tropical QLD

Posted by: luciemanette at August 17, 2009 9:56 PM

Thanks Bob, iaminperth, moebius, feelgood76, karen59, Jen, Virgo for all your responses. I just needed a group compass to make sure I'm on the right track.

I've had some strange experiences like all of you as this is my second time on here, but I'm still optimistic. The best, first and hardest lesson I learned on here was 'Don't take anything personally'. It's served me in good stead and I try not to judge as you really have no idea what is going on in the other person's head. What I'm doing now is hinting about meeting up soon if things are going well and taking things from there based on their response. Seems to be better than asking them before they're ready or not letting them know of your interest so they get bored of email tennis.

Anyway all the best :)

Posted by: bastion09 at August 17, 2009 9:49 PM

Hey Renee,

I'm fine thanks, hope you're the same...:)

You made me laugh...RSVP is not working...I think it probably is..it's more than likely that, not all people can like everyone, so we're all bound to get knockbacks, but we just have to keep plugging away and annoying people with our kisses..!!!

What are we doing here......we're looking for lurve...but here on the blogs we've found friendship....what an absolute bonus....!!!!

Luv Virgo...:) xoxo

Posted by: virgowoman2 at August 17, 2009 9:13 PM

You all truly make me smile on the outside and inside....you are all beautiful wonderful talented FROOT LOOPS....Yayyy...!!!

Luv you all Virgo...:)

P.S....Whatuc.....give us the goss on the rest of it...:))

Posted by: virgowoman2 at August 17, 2009 8:59 PM

I'm a fruit loop (can I pick a red one please). Virgo can attest to it, can't you lovely! I'm still singing that song, 3 olives shake it up I like it dirty, tequilla for my friend it makes her flirty. Sorry all I'm a Pink fan - how was it Kaz????

I didn't do the texta thing, I have some very odd shaped photos, I cut him out of every picture. Well one day I could always make a collage!! Waiting for a rainy day, it was 28 degrees today at work, 30 by the weekend, will be down the Gold Coast for a couple of days so nice weather.

Whatuc it sounds like you do a kind of exorcism - made me laugh, yes we all do crazy things and it is called life, living, hurting and jumping straight back in and doing it again. Nothing wrong with that.

By the way Kaz, big kiss and a hug for you, have a wonderful day tomorrow for your 50th, remember 50 is the new 40's, live it up Kaz - it's all about you tomorrow. Mwah - Nik x

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 17, 2009 8:51 PM

Hey Girls,

I think you just described me as sane...god, have I done some stupid things that have almost cost me dearly...thank god I have very forgiving (I hope) friends!!!

Lizzie,

Good thing the scissors were not in your hands when your ex walked in...I think he may also have needed a quick change of underwear...I would've!!!!:))))

As far as people being funny...I still get a Kiss now and again asking for a photo...dont have one..yet, or interested...read my headline!!! I did however, make an exception when FG sent me that Kiss...be still my heart!!!

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 17, 2009 8:43 PM

Hi Vigowoman
How you going girl? so glad i am not the only one that replies to a kiss "wanna see your pic" and never hear back from him again, his interested"will you recieve and email from me" I except and yes never hear from him again, and alas some actually block you. The ones i am actually interested in, brush you off politely that is iff they actually respond... RSVP this is NOT working, might have to consider alternative means of communication. It is actually unbelievable with how many of us is saying the exact same thing. The question needs to be asked "what are we doing here?"

Posted by: luciemanette at August 17, 2009 7:22 PM

Bull crap perthy... for the last three weeks all we've heard is how cold perth has been..!!

I'll be over there early next year for my cousins wedding so i'll give a report then. But untill then i'll have to take your word.

we'll see.

Posted by: feelgood76 at August 17, 2009 6:51 PM

Well since we're sharing out fruitiness. I make a big todo about clearing EVERYTHING out at the end of a relationship...I run around the house with white sage (which smells like pot), feathers ,bang drums, ring bells, and drum on the walls, new bedding-you name it I do it....suffice to say-my neighbours of course think I'm nuts !! Oh - I usually do a ZEN funeral. Write a letter to myself about the relationship and then burn it....
I could share other fruity moments-but some of those are scarey !!

Posted by: whatuc09 at August 17, 2009 6:14 PM

Hey Virgo... I must be a fruit loop too! I did the black texta thing as well! We had a huge corkboard in our kitchen covered with pictures of family and friends at different events... I blackened out his face in every photo he appeared in... oh dear, he was not a happy boy! Hey we women who had cheating ex's needed some form of harmless therapy! Funny thing is, it was one of his best mates who suggested I do it! Several of his mates were not very impressed with him at the time! Kaz :))))))

Posted by: karen59 at August 17, 2009 6:09 PM

Hahahahahahaha.

Virgo, no ambiguity there about how you felt about him. I am guessing that would have been quite creepy for him, just thinking about it, to see a photo of you with your head scrubbed out would be quite a surreal experience for him, especially as it was your family pictures, huge statement to him in case he was stupid enough not to get it, which face it, in those times, people often are completely oblivious to whats gone on or what they have done.

Thats is the important thing about these blogs, they are places to share opinions, stories and thoughts on topics, to share stuff to get perspective, as often we can lose it and to realise, we all do stupid things, we all stalk someone at sometime in our lives, we all do wrong and we have all been the one wrong done to.........and we all have gone crazy several times and knowing you arent the only one, instead of thinking you may be, or you may be in amongst the real crazies makes things so much better.

The sanest people make mistakes, hold on too long, get hurt, act the fool at some point in their life.........unless they are a robot, then they should be spayed as the cost of therapy to any offspring would be ridiculous.

Everyone has been hurt and dont stupid things.............but we all feel like we are the only one to do it, or often are made to feel like we are the only one to do it by the person pointing the finger.

Dont we love finger pointers? I challenge everyone to give us your best fruit loop story.....come on share it, I know you have all done it.,.......stayed with someone too long, done something stupid to keep someone, chased someone where you verged on stalkerdom

:-)

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 17, 2009 5:46 PM

I have just come back from Cottesloe Beach with the dog of course. It is the most beautiful spot and this time of year quite spectacular as the rocks are covered in shells and plant life from the ocean. With the backdrop of Fremantle and the tankers lining up waiting to dock, it's quite an experience. The dog and I were the only ones there except for a couple of kite surfers enjoying themselves hitting the waves. Beautiful place.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 17, 2009 5:14 PM

Oney, I love being a froot loop...!!!

Yep, the blogs are great, you can sit and read some deep and moving posts...then all of a sudden, someone will post something lighthearted and funny...it's a melting pot here...and for some, great therapy to hear that they're not the only people going through rough times by themselves..!

I'll tell you something funny...just between you and I...of course.. I was cleaning out a cupboard just now and found a beautiful portrait picture of my ex-husband any myself....!...After he had moved out, he came home to pick up some of his things, the night before in one of my wine fuelled therapy sessions, I had gone around to every photo on the wall with his face in it, and texta'd out his face....so it was the kids and me with a black face....we had about fifteen pictures all around the house...!

I stood there looking so proud of my handy work.. the look on his face when he walked back in, and saw what I had done was pure gold...his face drained of blood, and he just stood looking without saying a word....my work was done...and it was great therapy...:)))))))

Virgo/Froot Loop...:) xoxo

Posted by: virgowoman2 at August 17, 2009 3:09 PM

Virgo, I am a fruit loop and darn proud of it :-)

It's why these blogs are great, as they can give perspective, as sometimes we can take it all a little too personally. I hear from both sides just how odd things happen and I think Bob was right when he said many are just not ready for the relationship, just dabble a little on here, soak up a little attention, get a few yes replies to make their day better, but have no intention of taking it further unless someone really truly extraordinary jumps out.......which face it, isnt really going to happen by reading a profile....unless its a fantasists connection, or one of those deluded ones where there really needs to be a kiss reply of 'are you drunk?' :-)

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 17, 2009 12:40 PM

Hey Bastion,

I don't think there is a set etiquette rule for everyone...some people like to take it slowly, some like to progress pretty quickly...I guess you just have to read the individual state of play with each person, and go with what feels comfortable..!

You have a great profile, good personality, and you seem to be a nice young man...! Good Luck...!

Virgo...:)

Posted by: virgowoman2 at August 17, 2009 11:50 AM

FG,

I think the behaviour of both men and women can be a mystifying experience to say the least..sometimes you just sit with a bewildered look on your face wondering what the....!!!

From a kiss that is sent to you.. and you respond with.."may I see your picture"...that's the last you hear from that person...!!

To responding to a kiss, saying that you "would be interested in hearing back from them".....that's the last you hear from them again..!!

And the ultimate one, which really gets up my nose....when you're sent a kiss, find the person and the profile doesn't match you...send back a very well mannered "no thank you, but good luck"....and all of a sudden you're blocked...!!

We're all a strange bunch, and many of us froot loops as well...but you must admit...there are some really great people, funny times, and great laughs to be had here...:)

Virgo...:)

Posted by: virgowoman2 at August 17, 2009 11:25 AM

Hi Bastion

I think each contact can be quite different.

But I do think going to chat seems to make things more comfortable and free flowing. Especially for you younger ones who are quite computer savvy.

I hate to say it though but it also appears in my belief and what I have seen and heard that the younger can be quite rude in replying, or asking for emails and then ... nothing! Not nice!

I wish you luck though. You have a great profile and look like a terrific guy for someone.

Stick with it - that special someone is out there somewhere. You just have to find each other. Like the rest of us I guess. *sigh*

Jen

Posted by: jen234 at August 17, 2009 8:04 AM

Hi guys,

I'm back. Had a great time. Still catching up on the blogs. Takes some reading hey? lol.

Oh, and Fiji just beautiful and very economical especially in last minute deals. Have a look if you get the chance. They, of course, rely on the tourist dollar and make your holiday very special indeed.

Mingle ~ Great profile! Welcome to the blogs. And I like that name Mingle. Very clever!

I love the reference to "Shazzan". Wow, that brings back memories. I used to love that show. I just went and googled it. There is a video up for sale on ebay, (hehe)

Jen

Posted by: jen234 at August 17, 2009 7:54 AM

Hey Bastion, your pattern of contact sounds like the 'norm' for most people on this site. But that does not guarantee success... it all seems to be a bit hit and miss at times! Hang in there!

Posted by: karen59 at August 16, 2009 8:49 PM

Hi bastion

Dating in that age bracket can be somewhat difficult. Most have come out of a relationship from hurt or just over playing games and want to settle down.
It's very important to choose your words wisely. Woman are more sensitive then men so take that into consideration when emailing. It's a good idea to talk on the phone before even thinking about going on a date. Don't rush the meeting up, even though woman in that age group can move fast ( speaking from experience) Most of the younger woman will be in contact with a few others at one time. Also take that into consideration, as they will need time to process each email. If you ask for a coffee when she is under fire from others asking the same thing confusion may set in resulting in dissapearing.
There is no set limit to emails and can range as every person is different. My advice would be email to the point where both feel comfortable to move to the next step, which is a phone call. Get to know her as this will give her more confidence prior to a date.
Stick to the truth, don't rush, cause if she really wants to meet you she will.

One things for sure... don't try to figure out a woman as this will lead to heavy drinking or hair loss before you're 30..!!

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at August 16, 2009 6:21 PM

Hi Bastion,

you're right, there's no standard pattern. I usually email once or twice, then say "hey, let's grab coffee at The Gods or go skating or whatever on XXXX-day". All the other person can say is "no".

I'd much rather meet sooner than spend weeks emailing back and forth.

@amberlight58: Yeah. Small country towns. Mine was 1200 people (now 1100 I think!) High school was a nightmare!

Posted by: moebius at August 16, 2009 6:07 PM

Personal preference for me is to talk to the person on the phone prior to meeting. I think that's where you find if there is any rapport and really whether you have anything at all in common. And sometimes, and I do know this sounds so shallow but the voice can be a real turn off. I had a conversation with a very well educated person on the phone a little while ago and he sort of yelled and said AY!!!! after everything I said. I thought, oh god, any more than 10 minutes with him and he would drive me nuts. Sort of like the guy on the beach who kept screaching out for his dog. Gosh some people are thick !!! Beautiful afternoon, light breeze, the most stunning scenery ever at Cottesloe Beach, could just see Rottnest Island on the horizon above the glittering blue water and one screaching lunatic. He is so lucky I didn't belt him !!!

Posted by: iaminperth at August 16, 2009 6:00 PM

Posted by: warriorpr1ncess at August 15, 2009 12:34 AM

Warrior, maybe people do have unrealistic expectations, but don't get down about it, as sexy and wonderful your ex husband and your friends etc etc think you are, those guys just didnt..............its simple really and you shouldnt beat yourself, or them up over that fact.

I think most on here have unrealistic expectations, you know, as I said, maybe men I send kisses to may be thinking i have them by kissing them.......maybe those guys thought that of you, maybe they have unrealistic expectations........who knows, but the fact is they werent your 'people'.

Don't let yourself get uptight about that, not everyone can see you how your ex and friends do..........and noone BUT YOU should be bothered about how sexy and good looking you are anyway, look for anyone to back you up in that, prove that or tell you that and you are just destined for insecureville.

Good luck on here, but it really is a numbers game, its a big pot of people all dating lots of people at the same time, there is no love at first sight and I am sure there are men that you would be physically unattracted to who you would reject....I am just you havent responded postiively to everyone who sends you the kiss.

Just remember men have as much right to reject us as we do them...whats good for the goose is good for the gander. I know I want a phyiscal equal (well what I think is a physical equal) and as much as no I dont think I am worthy of a Paul Walker lookalike, I am certainly not the physical match for George Costansa either, so would be saying no to that.

Noone wants a good looking loser, or a bad man, but equally, looks do come into it, people go for their equals, physically, mentally, emotionally, intellectually, etc etc...sometimes there is a bit of trade (looks for money, good heart for emotional lacking etc)....in the main, a good balanced relationshp has to have physical matches in it...and yes, some of us have higher expectations than we should.

You dont need to tell anyone how good looking you are, nor should you seek the vertification from anyone else Warrior...........it shouldnt be that important to anyone but you. If you think you are a babe, noone else has to :-)

Good luck with the dating, just take it with a pinch of salt is my advice

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 16, 2009 5:56 PM

Hi Moebius
Thanks you for that left me with a smile, that is the story of my life, my name on here is taken from a book "tale between two cities" Luciemanette in that version loved people and was drawn between people, having said that people loved here....well yes i am the nice girl too, love people and the other way around, men and woman alike normally freely discuss their issues with me, but allas the nice girl get their secrets never their true affection, seeee.
But hence i looked at your profile cause i am drawn to nice people, no harm done, you have a very nice profile, and i figured out that it is exacly how RSVP work, having a sneekie beek, what comes around, goes around....l

Posted by: luciemanette at August 16, 2009 5:51 PM

Hey Bastion,

There cant be ant standard...some people like to meet straight away, others want to take a bit more time. What you have to do is try to read between the lines of the corrspondences you are receiving. I think all you can do is let the girl know as soon as possible that you are receptive to meeting whenever she is OK with that.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 16, 2009 5:50 PM

Hi Mingle, will do, hope it shows up in mackay, seeing that we normally get things when its old news....

Posted by: luciemanette at August 16, 2009 5:32 PM

Folks i know this is a bit off topic but if you get the chance or like going to the movies go see District 9 ,, its sci fi but the scifi is only the background plot ,, trust me !!! hahha

Posted by: mingle48 at August 16, 2009 3:01 PM

I've got some questions about RSVP etiquette if someone could help:

I'm curious what the standard pattern is from the first rsvp kiss through to the first real life date (eg coffee). I understand its different for each person, but I've noticed asking a girl out for a coffee after 3 emails backwards and forwards to screen out undesirables often results in girls disappearing. I've never had a girl say 'I'm not ready to meet yet'. They usually just drop off. I'm guessing the pattern goes like this:
kiss
interested return kiss
emails (3 each)
suggest date (girl either disappears or agrees)
phone number swap via email
date

I know starting chats can be good to build comfort for both parties more quickly, but I'm curious if people trade phone numbers and switch to phone calls before arranging a date and how many average emails this takes.

I realise there is no cookie cutter process for this, but a baseline will help me make sure I'm not moving too quickly or too slowly. Advice would be appreciated. I'm in my late 20's and generally date girls throughout their 20's if its relevant.

Cheers

Posted by: bastion09 at August 15, 2009 7:14 PM

Another aspect of emailing, kissing and even profile-viewing etiquette is peaking at someone's profile after they've viewed yours. And then you read that person's profile and wonder "why on earth would THEY be looking". Simply because you can. No harm done! (Hi LucieM...you inspired me to write this :) :) :)

There's lots of comments on here about abuse, especially from fathers. I can only add that you've probably dealt with much of the abuse if you can look back at your father and see some of his positive traits (and by this I don't mean "he was protective when it actually manifested as manipulation and controlling").

Occasionally, fathers, be they weak or abusive, or absent or interfering, and everything in between, can offer unique pieces of wisdom. My own father once said "better a has-been, than a never-was". Easy words to say, but it's something I've often thought about...and acted on.

Posted by: moebius at August 15, 2009 3:45 PM

As far as relationships with partners are concerned. I believe once you become a "counsellor" for someone, the relationship is doomed.
My relationship with my ex became that way very early on, (I was trained by my family to be a "fixer" and "a rock") and I now believe if I had known what I know now......(Oh the benefits of of hind-sight, hey?)

My ex liked to tell me all his problems, with work, people, his parents, everyone and everything! And I felt needed.
The trouble is I became his "Baggage Handler" he loaded it all off onto me!
When something went wrong in his life, who did he blame? His "baggage handler"!
Why couldn't I make him feel better?
Even when I tried to help, I still couldn't do it right!

I remember after a particularly nasty personal issue in our local community (oh the dramas of small country towns!) I tried to get him to go to some men's counselling about anger management, that was happening at the time.
He came home and told me that the male counsellor had said that "if you are so angry with your wife, why don't you divorce her?".
This of course, cut me to the quick (as usual) and I never encouraged him to go back.
Of course, 6 or 7 years later, once our marriage finally fell apart, I realised that that keeping on going would have been the best thing he could have done.
Knowing why he was angry with me, would have perhaps given him insight into his past and his issues with his mother and perhaps given our marriage a chance.

Even now, 4 1/2 years after we separated, he will still, if given half-a-chance, tell me all about his woes with his customers (he runs his own business) or other things that are p...ing him off! I quickly and politely make excuses these days, (that baggage trolley has long gone to the tip!) but despite his constant criticisms of me over the years, I must have been good at something!

Certainly I see supporting someone GOING TO a counsellor as a good thing, but being 'sucked in' to being their "counsellor/therapist" is a one-way trip to years of relationship hell!

Posted by: amberlight58 at August 15, 2009 1:06 PM

Posted by: karen59 at August 14, 2009 2:26 PM

Hi Kaz,
I know exactly what you mean. My dad did try a bit as he got older. He apologised for not being a good father and for not being there when we needed him. But he was never able to really accept me as a whole person though and was always having a go at me about my weight. But he adored my kids and he at least tried.

My mother on the other hand, is just a lost cause. She has always criticised me, lied about me and to me. The one person who can be guaranteed to say something nasty/negative about me is my mother! Including the use of the terms "fat slut" from the time I was 18, and had my first boyfriend, even though I never had sex until I was 20.
My ex's favourite thing when we first married, was to say "you're just like your mother!" when we disagreed about something, he soon learned that was a BIG mistake!

I tried all my life to be accepted by my mother and it was hell on earth. Finally in my early 30s, I decided enough was enough. Especially once she started criticising my son!
She moved up to Darwin with a new boyfriend and I just left it. Stopped calling, stopped writing. I think it took her years to realise , her life was so busy!

She rang a few times and I was always polite but cold. I have never bothered trying to "have it out with her", there would be no point. She never accepts responsibility for anything in her life, she is always the "victim", nothing is EVER her fault.

I don't feel angry, I don't feel conflicted. I don't hate her. I just don't CARE!
Some people are just too dangerous to you sense of self (and sanity!) to keep them in your life. It seems harsh, but sometimes you have to make that choice.
Is this person good for me to know and have a relationship, or is the pain of having them in your life going to keep you from moving forward?

I decide that the latter was the case. I did not want her bitterness and anger infecting the lives of my children!

So I just never communicate with her. I made the mistake of mentioning to someone this year, that my mother was still alive and I got the "oh what a pity! But you should try, she is your mother!"
Yes MY mother, the mother-from-hell!

Like you Kaz grieving for your "lost" father, I grieved for the mother I never had. The one you could have a great relationship with, the one who supported you, cared about you, doted on your kids.
The woman who gave birth to me, is not that person.
She might as well be dead, because I feel nothing for her.

I think I remember Troy, one of our fellow bloggers saying once, when talking about his own mother, that indifference is worse than hate for a relationship.
While you still hate, you are feeling something! If you are both willing to try, you can turn anger around.
But once you feel nothing, the relationship is either terminal or close to it.
It's too late to salvage anything.

Posted by: amberlight58 at August 15, 2009 12:36 PM

Hey Guys,

Give me a break will you....aiming higher...when you are at the bottom of the heap; theres only one place to aim!!!:))))

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 15, 2009 10:59 AM

Hey Girls,

All really sad stories...my eldest sister would probably relate the same story if she were on here. My father isn't a vile, violent drunk or anything like that...he just doesn't care. My sister is a shattered wreck of a woman these days...and once a very sussessful career woman who is now, more or less, a recluse.

I have to say, as a guy, if my father had ever struck my mother....he would now be a dead man. If ever I see a guy strike a woman, even to this day, he will be looking at pain he never knew existed...and, if you knew my past, you would seriously believe that. I hate violence, .mental or physical, being inflicted by guys onto women.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 15, 2009 9:14 AM

Welcome home Jen,

Hope you enjoyed your beautiful holiday in Fiji (it's my favourite place in the World) and that you arrive home relaxed and refreshed..!!

Vinaka...Virgo...:) xoxo

Posted by: virgowoman2 at August 15, 2009 8:31 AM

Hi Oney & Karen
I think so many people, men and women, who grew up in the "good old days" have scarred child-hoods. No parenting programs back then, no relationship counsellors.
And generations of family abuse! It's probably more of a wonder there are any people of our age, who DON'T have wounds or scars that often have only partially healed!

Yes Oney and Karen, you are so right. Once we realise why we have done the things we do, it is totally empowering! Once we know why, we can change things!
We can learn to change the way we love and the way we parent and make a difference to our own children's lives!

It is excruciatingly painful as you both know, but by not dealing with our child-hood pain, we are only short-changing ourselves and the people we love.
I know I stayed with my ex despite the pain of our relationship because he was critical and controlling and never, ever gave me unconditional approval, just like my father. Like my father, he never, ever said I was a worthwhile partner or mother, in the same way my father could never "approve" whole-heartedly of me as his daughter.
I think my father dying was a catalyst for me as well, he would never, ever approve of me as a whole person (though he did admire my "brains"!) but he thought my husband was wonderful aand was forever telling me how "lucky" I was to have him!
(Fancy YOU ending up with someone like him! Although in the last few years I think he began to get an 'inkling' about my ex when he saw how critical and cold he was to his own children!)

My ex grew up with a critical and disapproving mother whom he could never satisfy no matter what he did. I could see several years into our marriage that the best thing my ex could have done was to move away and get "on with his own life" (to be honest I think by doing that, she would have respected him a lot more!) but no, he would never do so.
We waited in our small town for years, on the promise of him getting the farm, which in the end, she (my FIL never had any say!) sold off half to fund their retirement house and gave the rest of it to his younger brother (her favourite; who interestingly never hesitated to stand up to her!)

My ex has just become more and more angry and bitter over the years, yet he never could (and still hasn't even at 54, cut those apron strings).
Our relationship counsellor told me (once I finally realised the futility of "marital" counselling!) that my husband actually hated his mother in a sort of pathological way. He couldn't stand up to her, so he transferred all his bitter and angry feelings on to me. All the things he couldn't say to her, he could say to me!
Deep down, he saw all women as being like his mother, who totally emasculated his father, and he was not going to end up like his father!
So guess he took all his crap over the years? Me for being a woman and his children, because his anger and bitterness pervades into every part of his life!

I don't think my ex will ever be any different. He happily threw our 20 + year relationship on the scrap heap, because he thought he could easily find someone "better" than me.
As yet he hasn't. Because he won't/can't look at himself and why he behaves the way he does, (it"s not him! It's the rest of the world; women are all bitches and HE is the victim!) unless he can find someone "damaged" like I was when I met him, I can't see him ever having another significant relationship.
Simply because he hasn't got enough money to attract a much younger woman and we all know most women in their 30s and older have done the soul-searching to know!
In the mean-time he is/has alienated his children (his bitterness has made him jealous of our sons and our daughter, well she's a woman!).
I loved him and tried for years to help him with this, but he doesn't want to know and of course, in the end you realise it is just futile. And of course, one day the emotional pain just becomes too great and you have to leave to keep your own sanity!

Such sadness, caused through the trauma of bad parenting!
Our kids have done pretty well though, I was always determined I WASN"T ever going to be like my own parents and despite some ups and downs (some real guilt when I felt I "failed" as a parent, when I said something I shouldn't or smacked them when I was angry and not coping!) I think I have done pretty well. My daughter tells me she never even realised her dad and I had any problems until she was around 12 years old.

All my kids have "issues" of course, you can't grow up in a house with parents struggling with their own child-hood pain and not have some problems!
My daughter and I are about to go for some counselling in the next couple of weeks because in her teens, at the time when she needed me most, I was "crashing" emotionally.
I could no longer deal with my own pain and became seriously depressed and wasn't "there" for her when she needed me most. I understand she remains angry and is okay with us going together, as she says the last thing she wants to do "is end up being like dad!".

Posted by: amberlight58 at August 15, 2009 8:12 AM

Hi, new to RSVP and so far been extremely disappointed. Kissing fellows with things in common. All they come back with is wanting to see photo and when I send it it is a brush off - with not enough in common; or looking for someone closer even though they say penpal and friendship.

In reality they are not being honest with themselves about what they are really looking for. I am an attractive, sexy and very friendly person (having been told this by by exhusband/male friends and girl friends - I would hope that they are not all lying to me) with a lot to give. Sometimes photos are not the best. But to brush someone off without even trying to get acquainted is just lame.

None of us are brad pitts or angelina jolies. Attraction comes from getting to know someone and how you feel about them once you interact. A photo doesn't do that for you just by looking at it. Unless the person is particularly attractive to you.

All the best to those guys out there with unrealistic expectations of what they are trying to find and not being true to themselves. In the meantime I will continue sending emails to those fellows that I have things in common with and hope for a truly sincere and honest man to step up to the plate and look past the instant decision of asking for a photo upfront before finding out about ones personality and qualities.

Posted by: warriorpr1ncess at August 15, 2009 12:34 AM

Hi Karen
That made for excellent reading, hmm makes perfect sence to me.
Onemoreoption
Very true what you said, if for one have all my life been grieving for a boyfriend i knew when i was just 16, funny part is i still rememeber his name and see his face as clear as day. As for my father, never had a good relationship with him as child, well he was always working doing 12 hour shift, and when he was home, he was sleeping and then drinking, obviously escaping reality, i know for a fact he and my mum was never happy, not like one should be and that does rub on to a child escpecially as being the oldest, mum talked and complained to me about dad this or that. Well only in my 30s did i start to realise that dad wasnt all that bad, and today we can talk for hours, never about the past mind you but we are continents apart so surely one miss each other. Scary part is i am just like my dad, i look like him so much, and even in my makeup, his also a virgo, that say a lot..

Posted by: luciemanette at August 15, 2009 12:22 AM

The annual show is due to start shortly here and we'll be able to watch the fireworks each night from the back yard. Well, that's not together as one has to sit in my bedroom with our big puppy otherwise she hyperventilates and falls over. My daughter says it's because she thinks they are trying to blow up her house.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 14, 2009 10:35 PM

How do you write the first email - Easy, just write it and if they don't like it, bugger it !!! Their loss, your gain. Who would want such a judgemental drip around anyway. I think with all the reasoning, excuses, discussions etc., if you can't write or receive an email from another human being without either cringeing or frowning, there is a little message there which says this is not worth it. So take notice of that little oh hell moment and move on.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 14, 2009 10:33 PM

"After-thought.... Is that why we are all here... insecure attachement to a significant male adult role model? "
Nope!

Posted by: willow29 at August 14, 2009 8:04 PM

Ahhhh Karen, yes I do know what you mean about your nieces. I know more lawyers, doctors etc who are pretty girls who have the hardest time of anyone in relationships and sit wondering why and end up having to seek counselling.

I went to counselling as I felt like a freak, I shook my head for so long wondering why on earth I kept getting into these situations, what was wrong with me. Yes, I am ahem........sorry......not blowing trumpet, but at the top of my profession, my life is great and no debts, drama's with past boyfriends so much, yes I discussed an ex, he wasnt one of the 'important' ones, they were all great the long terms. I am losing my looks, but I was gorgeous, as in I modelled successfully but not wanting to, long story, I used to just do things every now and again when I got bullied into it, never aspired or wanted to be a model, but would get asked and ended up saying yes.....so obviously must have been very attractive then too, but for so long had that problem that your nieces have.

I actually am quite happy my looks are fading, just as maybe, that curse will be lifted, that may sounds stupid karen, but its the truth.........I have put on weight so am now curvier, a size 14, I have lines when I smile I didnt used to have etc, so now I am hoping things actually dont go that way anymore, but my success yes, its always a problem with men, even the ones who dont admit it.........yet ask anyone I know (whatuc where are you to back me up) I am not remotely obsessive about my job, or up myself, or pretentious, or blingy......work pays for the nice apartment, but I dont care about cars, I own no jewellery, no designer stuff etc......yet I still manage to spend too much funnily though :-)

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 14, 2009 5:28 PM

AAAAAND Onemore... about the idea of people aiming high with regard to sending kisses... if we are honest with ourselves we all do! We are pre-programmed to do exactly that. It is Darwin's theory of 'natural selection' and 'survival of the fittest' at work! Everybody unknowingly aims to improve their gene pool regarding offspring. Hey, we are just doing what animals do!

However, here's the thing... I think for women... beauty and intelligence combined can be a real disadvantage in the relationship arena. Decent guys can be really intimidated by it. I have 2 nieces, both beautiful looking girls in their early 30's, one is a corporate lawyer and the other a Pharmacist. Both have had a lot of misery on the relationship front. One in particular has dated her fair share of arrogant players for whom she created the right fodder for their ego's. She is now seeing a counsellor to come to terms with her experiences. I wouldn't mind betting you could relate to that Onemore! Kaz :)

Posted by: karen59 at August 14, 2009 3:50 PM

Wow Karen, you just sent my head spinning about something you said..........mind into overdrive, really interesting thing you said 'you grieved for the father you never had'

How many women do you know, that grieve for the boyfriend they never had.........the one they wanted to have, but didnt? I mean, so many girls grieve over abusive, controlling etc etc guys....but when you ask them about it they are grieving about what they perceived they 'could' have if he wasnt x y and z.

So kind of interesting you said about grieving over the father you never had, but not the actual father, that is very similar when you talk to people about break ups from these addictive consuming people, what they say......could be onto something there Karen :-)

I think we can go many directions, for me, I wanted to go to the victim place so I could get angry and lash out at these men. I spent so much time making guy after guy back off, walk away so I could go to victim place and I could be abusive to him, call him names, put him down, be absolutely hideous and cruel in my verbal onslaughts.....as I guess, I wanted to do that to my father, if that makes sense, so needed to get to victim to get to revenge. Took a long time to see that, some people never do too and just keep repeating that behaviour.

Now whenever I hear people say 'he didnt call me for two days, I just think thats this and that and poor me'...I cringe, as I see them starting to roll in that victim place, hence you hear me quite a lot doing 'dont go there' to people when they come on asking for advice on the guy or girl that after one date did this, or didnt do that, or wasnt so quick at getting back or didnt reply but was online and were they talking to someone else etc etc.

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 14, 2009 3:23 PM

After-thought.... Is that why we are all here... insecure attachement to a significant male adult role model? Kaz :)

Posted by: karen59 at August 14, 2009 3:06 PM

Amber and Onemore,
I agree whole-heartedly with your posts. I to had an alcoholic, cold, controlling and emotionally abusive father. He was tough on all of his children... but me in particular... because I was always the one to push the boundaries and rebel a little more. No spoilt youngest child here! My self-esteem suffered greatly at his hands... up until I was in my 40's. It was then that I came to terms with the fact that I would never achieve his approval no matter what lengths I went to. And I began to realize that I was a 'good' person who made a valuable contribution to society in so many ways.

The sadest thing for me was, when he died a few years ago, I felt nothing... no sense of loss, no grieving. Well, not the usual grief anyway... I actually found that I grieved for 'the father I never had'.

The other thing that I would like to draw attention to is, that not only can our childhood impact on our relationship choices in terms of partners, it can also be detrimental to our relationships with our children. The same horrid behaviour passing through generations. My sisters and I have worked very hard at being everything our father WAS NOT with our own children... and we have succeeded!

Posted by: karen59 at August 14, 2009 2:26 PM

Hi Onemoreoption
Cant agree with you more, maybe we are just too picky, i have changed my profile around a bit, since i've been here, and every single kiss i have send was either not answered, yep they thought i was drunk , must be,, the rest was not interested, of all the kisses i received around two i reponded to positive , and they could not respond with an email, and the rest well i'am not interested in,,my first real contact was yesterday, and i think he got the message as his profile went inactive, and yes i checked on his profile being signed out too. So there you go, not much happening for me, it is only the blogs that make me come back now, as i am convinced i am not going to met the one,,for a start i have been out of the dating scene for so many years at least 15, and frankly lost the rule book,,i get my info on these blogs as i go,,,smileee, sad but true.

Posted by: luciemanette at August 14, 2009 2:06 PM

and thanks Lucie,

I sometimes wish there was a kiss reply of 'Are you drunk?' but then I think about and I am sure probably if I did send out kisses (which I think I only have maybe once) a lot of the guys I would choose to kiss would probably be thinking the same about me.

I think unfortunately we all see ourselves a certain way, we think we deserve a certain partner and sometimes, I feel a little insulted by some of the men who think we would be a match, but as I said.....I think probably the type of men I would think I was a match to might actually think I was being overly optimistic too :-)

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 14, 2009 10:24 AM

Hey Amber,

Wouldn't it be so much better that it was more people who didn't have those childhoods than do. Unfortunately its more people do have those childhoods than don't and its sad, no matter how many times I hear it.

It also makes me smile a little when I noticed that people accept them, truly accept them and understand that certain behaviour of THEIR OWN is going to happen all the way through life, there is no stopping certain thoughts, feelings, anxieties coming into the mind and trying to avoid them, is like pushing water up a hill with no container.

That day you click and you realise why you act like a complete monster sometimes, why you become the victim, why you get attracted to certain situations or men is a great day isn't it?

I had a violent nasty tortuerous father, he hated the sight of me most of the time. However, my mother was depressed and suffered from annorexia, obviously how verbally abuse my father was to me, he was probably contributing hugely to that cause too. I spent most of my childhood at a very cold, critical and heartless grandmothers and being passed to my dads siblings as my mother couldnt cope with having me around and my dad couldnt stand the sight of me and spending any time usually involved him torturing my favourite teddy bear, kicking him around the room, or deliberately bumping into me so he could take a swipe as it would be my fault.

I THOUGHT I avoided men like my father like the plague.............I really did thing I did. I went for these lovely lovely men, kind, warm, the absolute opposite to my father but I realised it was ME.............I was pushing these men to walk away so I could go to my VICTIM place and feel that feeling that I felt as a child. It rushed back with such intensity, as it was my child feeling, not feeling rejection as an adult, but feeling it as a child, I was addicted to it. I acted like a victim, god I even stalked one or two guys nearly to abuse them for being such bad guys.....I behaved terribly with some of them, all playing this rejected victim, kicking their backsides as hard as hard can be for rejecting me in such a bad evil way (when really they were perfect gentlemen about it considering what a cuckoo I was being). I was however, taking anger out toward my father on these poor guys and they were, lovely lovely guys. I am so suprised so many are still such great friends of mine after the way I carried on.

However, now I understand it, I of course still have the urge to go there, but I 'say hello' to it when it comes along and say to myself 'hey you again, I was expecting you'......so I know its expected, its normal, anyone would have this feeling of anxiety over rejection and loss having had similar experience (whcih so many of you have, all of you).

Whatever your story, whether it be like Ambers, whether it be like mine...............the insane reactions, the need to cling, the inability to let go, the addictions, the scratching your head and wonder where you went to and all the other bits in between are normal........its learning to recognise what they are, like Amber did, what I did and what some of you others did.

Thanks for sharing that Amber, seriously..........there are a lot of people out there who repeat behaviour over and over, bad behaviour and dont realise why they are doing it..........and as you know, once you know why you rush to a certain place when you meet a potential partner, or fall in love, or really like someone etc............it doesnt have control or the power anymore.

I now get my frown and get my shoes on and walk.......I dont stay around to feel that rejection, as the fact is, that frown is me telling me its not working, in the past I stayed around to be hurt and rejected and go back to that rush of feeling and victim stance.

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 14, 2009 10:13 AM

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 13, 2009 4:24 AM

Hi oney,
I agree with such a lot of what you are saying. I am absolutely sure that our child-hood definitely influences much of our lives, especially in our young years maybe up until our 30s, when a lot of us learn to let go of the past, or damn well ought to!

I met my ex at 23, and was still trying to get my life together after a fairly rough child-hood.
I was so busy trying to find someone UNLIKE my father, who was an alcoholic and often violent towards my mother, that I actually ended up marrying someone who had a personality almost the same as my mother's!

As a child you often see things from a completely diiferent perspective than you do when you have grown up and have been out of the situation for a number of years.
As a young child I always saw my mother as a victim and my father as a perpetrator.
In my late teens I began to see my mother in a different light.
I began to realise how manipulative and nasty she really was.
But I still saw her through a "victim" filter, until my 30s when after not having been with my father for over 10 years, she was just as nasty and manipulative as she had been in my late teens/early 20s.

Of course, this never justified my father's treatment of her and he realised this himself, but did explain much of the dynamics of their relationship.

He wasn't a strong man, I was born before they were married which in the 50s was pretty socially scandalous. (However, it wasn't until she was pregnant with me that he found out she was still married - or had a son who lived with her parents - she was like that all her life and still is, never quite telling all the truth or outrightly lying - she still doesn't know I know)
Anyway by then, as was the social norm back then, he stayed with her and once she got her divorce he married her.

My father never said much about their marriage, in fact he never criticised my mother very much at all, except to say once that she seemed so vulnerable that he wanted to protect her, but once he married her.....
Anyway I can only imagine how unhappy he was, feeling trapped and depressed (I felt those same emotions for much of my marriage) but back then, men didn't get "depressed" it wasn't heard of, but like a lot of people still do today, he dealt with it by drinking. A lot!
And when he got really drunk, the anger he never showed when he was sober, bubbled to the surface and they would fight.
My mother always fights to the death verbally, she can say the most disgusting things to you, but you have to walk on eggshells with her!
I know from experience!

So I guess sometimes she went too far and he would hit her. He never actually bashed her, but he hit her and as a child that was frightening to see. As the oldest, I felt I had to intervene and protect her, which as you imagine, was pretty awful.
The hardest thing was too, that both of them in their own way blamed me for them having been 'forced' to stay together (which of course, I realised many years later was just scapegoating me) so often they would then turn on me when they had a "reconciliation" every few months!

Both my parents were seriously flawed, but as I saw my father's drinking as the main problem, I grew up with the idea that if he didn't drink, didn't hit me adn was nice to me occasionally that was enough.
So I married my "mother' instead and I learned to understand my father's pain a little, but not until my mid-40s did i see the parallels in our lives. Except I didn't drink ( I had 4 children to care for) but I did get very depressed in my mid 40s and like my mother, my ex used that as a weapon to 'bring me down' even more!

My point is, that often we are the sum of our child-hoods (I know my ex is, a seriously dysfunctional family, but at least I KNEW mine was dysfunctional!) and until we deal with this, no matter how painful it is, we will never really know why we made the choices we did in our early lives.
And maybe are still even making.
And forgive ourselves for them.

Posted by: amberlight58 at August 14, 2009 9:00 AM

Hi Onemoreoption
I love your profile, it say so much of you, and you say things as you see them, that is what i like in people, Call a spade a spade and bugger the rest. I do agree with you totally, Well at least some have the curtiousy to send replies, even if it is a let down. On the other hand the kisses i am receiving is not my cup a tea,,,this is from the blokes i work with in the industry, all day everyday, i dont particularly want to date them too, so i tend to look further a field.
But this is not working, really if one think about it, what is the odds, for you, any one of us really, to meet "the one" in your own town, or your doorstep,,,Isn't this the reason that people go internet dating to start with, when the opportuny arrise to follow your heart where ever that might be, one then start to figure out the logistics. I am more than happy to relocate, and maybe he will be too..who knows, you should be prepared to work through the issues as they arise..

Posted by: luciemanette at August 14, 2009 8:15 AM

Hi Feelgood
I am back in town, been working long hours aqnd even longer days these last few weeks, now have a few days off again.
You know i have never thought of it in that manner, you are so right if he is not bothered to reply to a little message obviously wont bother to pick up milk from town,,hahah,
You really do have a way to make people feel good hey?
Ahhhh FG, will you do that for me, now i feel really save on here, " Thank you for being my boyfriend then promise i wont cheat,,,hahahhahahah

Posted by: luciemanette at August 14, 2009 7:53 AM

Hi Virgowoman
Thanks for that, I am good and yes keep smiling but wasn't today... yes i have declined the chat and then he kept opening it and followed by a email saying "lets chat now" and the first question i put to him was what the ""h###lll" i have declined you and why are you so interested in my profile????????? as his profile was well ordinary to say the least, if somebody can't take the time to write a decent profile, that is well thought over and informative, well then i am not interested ,,,we had absolutely nothing in common,,,and the worst part of this chat session is then he tried to impress me with his bussiness and currently in the USA, and before i knew it, was blowing kissess and hugs my way,,,this is a bloke of 47,,,really a bit childish, and ahhh i could tell emmediately i am dealing with a a control freak here...the whole thing left me with a bitter taste. can tell you that much.
Straight after the chat i recieved an email saying send me a current photo of yourself from private email address,,,,hmmmm---"Really you f%k$n@n kidding me..

Posted by: luciemanette at August 14, 2009 7:46 AM

FG,

The classic example of them male intuition kicking and and you guys listen to it, instantly.

See girls, guys listen to the frown :-)

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 14, 2009 5:16 AM

Sweetmixture,

I was thinking of you tonight, hope you're well and everything is okay in your neck of the woods....I miss you...!

Ali,

I miss you too, hope you have disappeared for a good reason...like maybe you're busy with a new man...:))))

Luv Virgo...:)..xoxo

Posted by: virgowoman2 at August 13, 2009 11:35 PM

Hey FG,

Good for you mate...doesn't matter how good looking they are, if they are ugly inside!! Whens she coming to collect...as they were cut off years ago, I can direct her to my ex to pick up the package!!!

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 13, 2009 10:58 PM

haha

I told her to speak to my big brother... as i'd be to much of a handful for her...

All the best in your search my dear...!

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at August 13, 2009 10:36 PM

Hey FG,

Get your drift completely....so, what does she want from you....the "family jewels"?!!:)))))))

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 13, 2009 9:16 PM

Posted by: karen59 at August 12, 2009 8:21 PM

Hey karen :)
yea i hear you about men taking the opportunity to talk about these things. I think thats its probably the format thats a bit daunting, men are a bit reluctant to admit hurt and pain in public. Its too painfull even to tell the story sometimes, just thinking back and reliving some of the situations brings on strong negative emotions.
Underlying the fact that we are of one sex or the other is that we are human - we feel all the same emotions , the pain of betrayal , the humiliation of being fooled , the bitter dissapoinment of investing in a relationship that was all about "them" instead of "us".

Its funny in a way, as a younger man what i thought were my strengths turned out to be my biggest weaknesses, standing my ground and playing defensive is a no brainer. It takes a lot more courage to drop your guard and leave yourself vulnerable to being hurt again after going through it once before. And those that can do it have my respect and admiration.

Posted by: mingle48 at August 13, 2009 6:54 PM

well Bob

I actually got a reply email just then... ears must have been burning..! It stating what she wanted... and i nearly fell of the chair..!

It took a stern letter asking "what are you actually looking for in contacting me."

Just got to tell it like it is sometimes...:)

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at August 13, 2009 6:36 PM

Posted by: Boof at August 12, 2009 6:02 PM

Well, i'll die wondering too.

Can't seem to get any straight forward answers.
I don't like to push the matter that i am interested once i have made my intentions clear. I'll say something along the lines like.." i find we have alot in common and look forward to hearing more about you in person." Then i'll leave the ball in her court.

Some (most) of the guys on here ask questions in the first few emails that i would only ask after knowing her for sometime. That creats a problem for the "normal guy" (like us) as she is thinking why don't you ask many big questions? She says to herself, This guy is not "normal..!"
Like you have mentioned... the normal guy gets the boot because the abnormal guys have created a majority on here leaving the normal guy to be seen as abnormal...!

Get my drift..

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at August 13, 2009 6:29 PM

Hey Renee.

The best thing to do there is to decline the chat session, and if he does send you an email, just thank him and wish him well with his search on here...!!

Hope you're keeping well, and still smiling...!!

Virgo...:)

Posted by: virgowoman2 at August 13, 2009 5:54 PM

Hi Lucie.., your back in town...!!

Your issue has been widely spoken on here many times, your not a lone. Comes down to this... If they can't be bothered to reply by pushing a button.... Imagine down the track when you ask them to pop by the shop and grab some groceries on the way home. Think about that... Just not worth the worry. So head up, smile, and all the best in your search.

And the chat session BS.. If you have time this is.. Just send a short note (email) stating that you are simply not interested and thanks for understanding...

Then you can say under your breath.... Bloody tool email me againg and i'm gunna send my boyfriend FG over to sort you out...

Posted by: feelgood76 at August 13, 2009 5:54 PM

Lucie, I get the distance one too, I think its just a polite let down, I really dont think if a man liked someone they would be really bothered about distance.

I think for me when I see that, its a polite brush off rather than a 'your not my type'.

I just dont think it should be taken that seriously to wonder, as I say, I have had two email contacts, both from people on here I have become friends with (Bloggers) and about 30 kisses in two months, mostly from deluded men I think must have been drunk to see any compatibility. Then about another 15 from bloggers on here just saying they like my profile, not showing interest.

I dont however allow myself to feel insulted, just as I am not interested in any of those 30 kisses, the other 30 I may have sent out have just as much right to not be interested in me.

I cant feel remotely put out by it, its a date site, there are a lot of people here, for me to be that special would be pretty huge

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 13, 2009 5:39 PM

Hi AJ
This is happening to me all the time, when i receive a kiss and respond favourable, and there is no reply again, this morning i respond negative and i felt like i was being bullied into a conversation as he opened a chat session followed by an email "lets chat" the ordeal left me with a frown and just bad vibes really....
Another issue that i found is when i send out kisses and don't receive anything back ... or some people is only searching for their so called soulmate ,,but she must be the girl living on their doorstep,,makes you wonder...

Posted by: luciemanette at August 13, 2009 4:37 PM

Hi everyone
Been reading the blogs and find them very informative. Have one question, been receiving an kiss this morning and replied with a negative, cause i didnt think we were suited,,well he actually opened a chat session and then emailed me? I made it rather clear that i was not interested, how are one suppose to deal with this type of thing?

Posted by: luciemanette at August 13, 2009 4:23 PM

Iyt duz?

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 13, 2009 4:00 PM

Hi AJ,

You are doing the right thing by replying with a kiss..................and don't worry about not receiving emails, I haven't received one in two months :-)

Just take it with a pinch of salt and you will be fine, never take it personally, seriously, everyone is in the same boat.

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 13, 2009 3:50 PM

I didn't realise RSVP had spell-check.

Posted by: woodnwine at August 13, 2009 3:40 PM

Hey AJ129,

Ettiquette suggests that you Kiss, get the "I am interested" return Kiss...you email; and vice versa.

There a plenty of people on here with their own agendas...all you can do is be true to your own beliefs and not worry about them. Welcome to the world of cyber-dating!!!

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 13, 2009 2:46 PM

Hey Girls,

Men generally, have very strong gut instincts, but we are also generally extremely protective of women. I have known some extremely tough, violent and nasty people in my life (as I was one of them once)...would do things to others that would make you absolutely sick...but seeing a woman just crying alone would turn them to water.

Women bring out the best in men...and the worst...but the sight of a woman in distress is the worst thing for some of us...me especially. I am reminded of the saying "we always hurt the one we love the most"..but that is completely unintentional (for me, anyway)...but all guys are boofheads at some point in their lives, and are guaranteed to hurt the one they love the most.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 13, 2009 1:53 PM

yeah I know.
I find this stuff so very interesting to ponder and talk about.
I think we ignore our gut or whatever because we're brought up to "people please", to put ourselves last - the old burnt chop thing, and with that comes the diminished ability to listen to our intuitive natures. Haven't heard this called women's intuition for a long long time - and that was always ridiculed anyway wasn't it?

and I probably bore everyone to snores with this stuff - sorry guys

Posted by: russianballerina at August 13, 2009 11:07 AM

I am new to RSVP and I am a bit confused about kiss and email ettiquette. If someone sends me kiss and I am interested am I supposed to send them an email or just reply with a kiss. I have just been replying with a kiss so far and I don't seem to be receiving emails, have they just changed their minds or am I supposed to send the email? AJ

Posted by: aj129 at August 13, 2009 10:34 AM

Russian........................I do believe men have it too, I dont believe women have anything men dont have personally and vice versa.

Men are just as good being stay home dads, just as intuitive (in fact think men are probably more in touch with theirs, hence they just walk away from situations appearing cold, when in fact they just listen to theirs more).

I think we ignore it, because for some reason, we mistake the kick in the gut for love. Its an intense feeling brought on by a huge 'run run for the hills' and we mistake intense feeling as something 'good'. Even when our quality of life deteriorates, we still hold onto this 'intense feeling'. Some people get initial thrills from it, some people just find it paralysing and stop functioning as the person they usually are.

How many women do you know who become completely different people every time they date a man? Shockingly so, the most stable, successful, confident and strong women can become blithering idiots because of the opposite sex.

I think men are told all the way through childhood to 'man up and go with your gut'. To be decision makers, to take charge. Women, often are told to be more submissive, wrongly yes, but they are taught that sub consciously, through everything from advertising on tv through to opinionated little girls being labelled trouble and often put down, but men being labelled strong and good.

As I mentioned before, intense feelings are addictive, like a drug...........if its a feeling someone recognised from childhood memories, it can be very addictive, just like a drug.

Imagine, as a child, you are irrational, everything is huge, big, exaggerated. If your childhood was filled with fear, being put in a fearful situation as an adult will cause you to feel like a child again, as the body remembers those feelings, recognises them and pulls them forward. It can be the same with rejection, criticism etc. Hence often they say women are attracted to their fathers...........and often its not a good thing, so women with critical fathers have this intense rush of feeling when they meet a critical man. Feelings are like drugs.......thus..........instinct, gut and sanity gets thrown out the window a lot of the time.

Just my opinion, as usual, I have one :-)

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 13, 2009 4:24 AM

Great NIk! "IT's never as bad as it seems"... how true. And did your mother always tell you... "Look around you. you will always find someone worse off than yourself"...? Not that we should find satisfaction in that... but you get the gist!

Posted by: karen59 at August 12, 2009 10:24 PM

so - this gut, this woman's intiution - do men not have this? why is it so strong in women, and why for god's sake do we ignore this?????

guys, we;re not man bashing - if we didn't value and love men so much we wouldn't give a toss about what happens. we're sorting out and venting here. and we're making choices for ourselves and our harmony.

Posted by: russianballerina at August 12, 2009 9:14 PM

Came across an interesting article in a mag that I thought apt for this site - even though it was a women's mag it could correlate to both sexes - correct me if I'm wrong.

It's never as bad as it seems. It just isn't, things can always be worse than the situation you're in. Whatever it is, it will not last forever, and once it's finished, you will realise that it wasn't half as bad as it seemed while you were in it.

You only get out what you put in - nothing is more satisfying than working hard for something. If you only give 80%, then that is all you can expect back.

Men are worth it - really they are, men make life interesting, amusing, complicated, giddy. Whether they're your lover or your friend, forgive them, because we're not perfect either.

If it feels wrong, it generally is. How many times when you were younger did you go against your gut? Instinct is a woman's secret weapon and so often we forget to use it. Whether it's work, love, friendships, housework, shopping or cooking, learning how to finetune your intuition is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.

Food for thought all, Nik.

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 12, 2009 8:31 PM

Co-dependence is a huge loaded word.......it contains everything from being an abuser, to an addiction to those feelings.

If feelings of rejection, put down, guilt etc etc were strong feelings you had as a child for example..........it is incredibly potent as an adult when those similar feelings rear up.

Its why a lot of people get addicted to often emotionally torturous, or rejecting, push pull behaviour. It becomes a very intense response emotionally that can be addictive, it also is paralysing and sends event he most balanced person cruising back to childhood and irrational thoughts.

The feelings everyone has described, are perfectly normal, hence I love that people are talking about them, as there are many people I know who went through them alone and felt like a freak.

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 12, 2009 8:27 PM

Hey FG and Bob... I love guys! the alternative just does not appeal!
You know the difference between men and women with regard to speaking about their emotions... you are just listening to a few women vent about their personal experiences. I think we know that you guys have been screwed around and hurt by women to... you are just no so verbous about it. Maybe you should be!!! :)

Posted by: karen59 at August 12, 2009 8:21 PM

Bob and FG...sorry guys, I disagree, no man bashing or anything of the sort.

Not sure I have heard anyone, nor would I support anyone using an 'all men do' approach, in fact, if anyone says it, I usually correct it, putting anyone in a pot on their gender for me is a no no......so no man bashing.

However, there are a few women on here, who are trying to figure out their mistakes, by chatting and sharing in here, they just happen to be women, they could have equally have been men. I am sure there are narcissistic, damaged, needy women out there too looking for a rescue...........I dont think anyone was man bashing.

Yes, life would be so much better if aholes didnt try and convince us they were angels, but they do......for their own needs.....it doesnt come with a particular gender..........plus yes, its people talking about ignoring the frown....that time on the third date when something doesnt feel right, the guy isnt quite fitting, isnt giving what the other wants etc........where women typically will ignore the frown...........and keep on going, only to see that frown then becomes tears, misery and sometimes life consuming anxiety leaving quite long lasting damage, depending on how long they ignore that frown and as a human being, I have done and seen just how long that frown can be ignored.

Not sure if the fact women recognising they need to be more in control, walking away if it's not really working for them would be considered man hating....I certainly hope not.

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 12, 2009 8:18 PM

R.bella, I'd like to see you remove your focus from him and put it towards your bright future - taking what you have learnt into it.

I am trying to do the same . .. . and, well, surprisingly doing quite well at it.

I reckon it's good to dissect the past, but not at the expense of your now and your future. If you do that, then you are continuing to lose and let yourself down.

Upwards and onwards . . . as I like to ask myself . . . "what's next"? : ))) And start getting excited about that!

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 12, 2009 7:56 PM

Now Bobb-ey, Bob . . .eeeyy, lookamoi . . .

We do not hate men! It is not men-bashing. Re-read what has been posted.

It's about women realising where "they" f%$ed up - not the men. Weeelll, maybe also a little venting - natural . . .n'est pas?

Like you guys don't chuck in a little bit of that too, c'moooonne.

It's all part of the contrast and opposites are good thingy.

Just be yourselves, as you are and you will attract, with a little discernment, a great chick - if, of course, that is what you are wanting.

: ))

Glitter xo

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 12, 2009 7:52 PM

Thanks Oney - but it's still kinda freakey : ))

G.

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 12, 2009 7:46 PM

ha ha!
I think one was channelling me there!!
and glitteringblue - yep. and my apologies for appearing just a tad too tenacious, and hanging on and spraying this around. but you guys - gee you're good!
I think that when we're a bit vulnerable or wobbly or whatever, when our defences aren't as good as they could be - that's when these sort of people come in under our guard. and we sit here - what the hell was that all about?? I had the gut - the frown - from pretty early, but do we give the benefit of the doubt in getting to know someone? not realising that what started this gut feeling will only get stronger and stronger. and what has the potential to be inspiring ends up being crud.
I am so disappointed that I had failed myself yet again, and yet again didn't listen to my gut. god, girl - will I every learn???
and the quality of my life isn't impacted by him any longer - finally got the "click" and said sayonara a couple weeks ago! and ain't that the best feeling!!
No point in my going on about his own victim stuff, just have to get up and over it and keep striving - this is where the single good stuff comes in.

Posted by: russianballerina at August 12, 2009 6:53 PM

Glitter, hahahaha, thats it, you have an alternate persona you don't really know about :-) Isn't there a movie about that? Someone is writing and doesnt realise its them or something like that.

It is not an insult, not in the slightest, its actually a compliment G

:-)

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 12, 2009 6:31 PM

Hey FG,

I'm with you there mate. Hate to tell you this ladies, but when i read these exchanges, I decided to get out of here...talk about a man-hating, bashing session...and I sorta know you too!!

So FG, when you raised that matter of women knowing you are intersted, then backing off, what was her response to that? I think this happened to me not too long ago...I'll probably die wondering; I guess.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 12, 2009 6:02 PM

One ~ I am having an identity crisis. . . are you in fact . . . me?

Hahah. Sometimes I read your posts and have to look at the bottom to know if it was you or me who wrote it. It's sort of a freaky feeling . . .

(apologies, if this offends you : )))
Glitter : )

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 12, 2009 3:47 PM

Russianballerina, you know, vent as much as you like, as this is something you will learn from.

You may go into a victim mentality for a while until you sort your own feelings out, its natural, normal......its your learning process about it. Also never forget, ever ever, until you have been with someone so expert at this manipulation, others will not necessarily understand it. These guys have a personality disorder, they have been manipulating all of their lives, they are Professors at manipulating behaviour of others to support and re-enforce themselves.

Realistically speaking, he is needy, weak, troubled and unable to stand on his own two feet.......eventually, you will laugh at him, roll your eyes and say 'gosh how did he get me to put up with that?'

I still look at it and wonder 'how the hell did that happen?' I dont understand it, I am far from easily fooled, I am the unfoolable, I am great at sussing people out in two seconds flat..........in fact I am so good I had him sussed in two seconds flat, but some how he managed to work around it every time I picked up on it again.

When push comes to shove, he isnt giving you what you want........and he sure is lowering the quality of your life qutie substantially I presume Russianballerina?

Single life is wonderful, life with someone who scrapes their fingernails down your spine is really not :-)

These places are great, as not only can you vent and find out you arent alone, we have all messed up, picked the wrong one, put up with more than we should, let our own selves down, or maybe not let go when we should have and all those in between.......but the best thing about this, is by actually typing it out on here it shows it isnt making you happy and its a problem

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 12, 2009 12:01 PM

FG, hope the surf was good.

Now, we all see the blogs differently. I see them as a place to discuss relationships (the good, bad etc) and a place to work through, with others, things you have done in the past and how you're gonna do things differently in the future. Kind of like a processing place. It's not a place for me to be a "man hater", just to make sense of what I did in relation to what they did. This can bring up some heavy stuff.

I also see the blogs as a place to have fun too, laugh at ourselves and others in our humanity.

It is hard for both sexes to work through the whole relationship phenomena - why would we bother? Because ultimately they are what give life meaning and fulfilment (in addition to work, hobbies, family etc). Otherwise why would we be here? This whole discussing relationships in an open, honest way can be confronting for many people (me included, at times).

I don't want to pretend it's all "love and light", then I wouldn't grow as a person and my life wouldn't get better and I wouldn't have better things to bring into a relationship/friendship. So I take the good with the bad and don't avoid talking about the tough stuff.

But we don't need to talk about it all the time - that's where the humour comes in : ))

Glitter xo

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 12, 2009 11:00 AM

I do find the first email difficult. You try to say something more about yourself, but what to say that is not in the profile. But yes you do have to include questions that make it obvious that you have read their profile properly

Posted by: clarky77 at August 11, 2009 10:12 PM

Yay, "Wire in the Blood" is back on television tonight! Electric blanket on, doonah pulled up, big mug of hot cocoa....bliss............what more could anyone want on this cold cold night in Perth. We had 'mizzle' here all day, yuk...miserable drizzle. Apparently it is going to be like this until next Sunday. Oh well, the blanket, the cat, and the cocoa is beckoning and tucked up with Dr. Tony Hill.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 11, 2009 10:05 PM

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 11, 2009 3:40 PM As a friend so rightly told me, he wanted it to end the way it did, so he could play victim again to another bad woman who hurt him......when in fact, he was the one who created all that hurting.

YES YES - I even got an email from him to that effect, just last week!! but all I'm doing is hanging on to this crap. and not giving myself a chance to sort this out in my head.
and exactly - why do intelligent strong women fall for this shite?? are we so needing to be needed?
early on I was told I COMPLETED him - huh?? I did have my doubts, didn't believe what I was hearing, didn't think he was that corny. and then the withholding began........... gawd!! single life is looking mighty good right about now.

thanks for allowing me to vent! love your words ladies!!

Posted by: russianballerina at August 11, 2009 8:36 PM

I think someone has said it before on this site... "shame on you if you fool me once, shame on me if you fool me twice"! I'm with you on that one Karen. I don't understand all this victim mentality going on. Anyone can meet someone who plays around acting like a fool being manipulative. That's just how they are, that's their personality, that's the person you have chosen to be with. It's usually blantantly obvious right from the start so why chose to be with them if they are such bores. Some women like 'saving' men, that's their thing in life. If you don't like it, don't do it, no use moaning afterwards.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 11, 2009 8:06 PM

Right O you lot,, sounds like an old wives club on here...!

There are many woman players out there too ladies..! The mind games are something most woman relish in..

I was having a conversation to a friend ( a lady friend i might add) last night about once a woman knows a guy is interested the excitment of the unknown tends to dissipate rather quickly..
If you give to much away... your doomed... If you play cool for a while and don't show any interest, that makes em tick... but still doomed... catch 22 because then she thinks that your not interested and gives you the cold sholder... Then.., if you do get past the cold shoulder.. she wants to know more and more and more till there's nothin left to tell.. then it becomes boring..., then she moves on to the next victim...

Woman...? Can't win..!

Got me stuffed...?

I'm going surfing...:)

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at August 11, 2009 7:51 PM

/comfort Onemore

head to youtube home and past this in after the / watch?v=rD9AFG1GdgI

:)

Posted by: mingle48 at August 11, 2009 6:03 PM

My other point to the whole Sympathy Boy story is bad men arent always obvious bad men.

We think of players, we think of men with no respect for women, what we dont see is these men with a festering unobvious hatred for women, who are very clever manipulators, attention seekers and have such kind, calm, peaceful beautiful words to give. Of course they sound like over hammed soap opera scripts and a little like a cheesy cult leader doing a sermon, but they sound very deep, spiritual, kind, warm, calm and all those things they know bring you closer to play their game, to act their scripts out.

Another sign of one.........they have nearly ALL women friends, as women are manipulated by feelings and women are especially manipulated by feeling bonded to a man, a man who shares, when her boyfriend or husband may not be as open with his feelings as he is, so she feels honoured to know such an open hearted man.......not seeing the side of him using women emotionally much further than he does with his 'woman friends'.

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 11, 2009 4:39 PM

....and now there are three :-)

Welcome to the new club of the new breed of superhero man Russianballerina...........I like to call him Sympathy Boy, he likes to wear nappies and be breast fed by any women in earshot. He would talk to your golden retriever about his problems and make them his new best friend if they would listen. He is the true man looking for mother me theresa..........a woman who wants nothing but herself but only wants to give to him and due to his issues, will make sure he not only takes, but pushes the boundaries of what you are prepared to give up of yourself just to be with special him.

He will joy in hanging those things that really matter, your morals, your values, your heart, what makes you happy over you......then rip them away and make sure he witholds them as he loves to see you hurt over special little him. He loves his wordy words, they sound poetic but are backed up by actions that are emotional cruelty.

I think my classic example of mine was when he blocked me from his FB during a certain temper tantrum and as he knew it was important to me, never added me back on again. Once he even sent me a freind request only to have blocked me again when I got there. He loved that emotional torture, telling me how special I was, how I was his best friend.......a best friend he wouldnt add to his facebook out of spite, because he knew I wanted it? What a man huh, dont we all want one of those?

The favourite, the very favourite is....sit tight...........telling me after a year of non relationship (as he held the boyfriend title away too, knowing he had to be in or out, he decided to be neither, just again, to prove his ability to be so flipping wonderful he could keep it going without actually being with me like I wanted)...and after a year, he told me he had been lying for six months about how he felt about me as he couldnt bear to lose me from his life as I supported him so much and was such a great friend to him......nice how much he was getting out of it and how much he was NOT GIVING to me...in fact, how much he was just taking.

The most bizarre thing, is this is something he told me an ex of his had done about 6 years earlier to him and how much it hurt him............I suspect its something he in fact did to women over and over, it was his script, his act, his repetitive same old same old story and game.

As a friend so rightly told me, he wanted it to end the way it did, so he could play victim again to another bad woman who hurt him......when in fact, he was the one who created all that hurting.

The great thing both Russian and Glitter...............we get to spot them a mile off as soon as they open their mouths in future, as its such a bizarre and strange experience as you wonder how they managed to pull it off with such savvy, intelligent women. I was aghast at how he managed to manipulate me, totally shocked........but they are experts, they did it to their mothers as youngsters too you will find, often hating their mothers for ridiculous things, like she said no to him once, or in my exes case, when he was 14, she caught him smoking something he shouldnt, so she called the police. Believe it or not, he spoke of such anger about that moment....as I sat there and told him if I had a teen son who did that, I would probably do that too to scare him out of doing it again.

They are purely self absorbed people who are kings of manipulation, total victims, have no boundaries and respect noone elses......they are the guy who would move into your home after knowing you a day witha sob story, they are losers without conscience and users without care.....but boy do they have great wordy words that sound wonderful to con you with.

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 11, 2009 3:40 PM

Must stick by my beliefs "if he's not calling you then he's just not into you" and the best yet "if in doubt don't", look out for the frown - I'm on the lookout now Kaz and Oney. Nik.

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 10, 2009 11:50 PM

Well said Glitter... and yes, most of us know this stuff... and yes, we need to keep our eye on the ball so that we don't get involved in the same sort of game again... and yes, that is the hard part. I still have difficulties with keeping on track! Tune in to the frown!!! Ha! :)

I think someone has said it before on this site... "shame on you if you fool me once, shame on me if you fool me twice"!

Posted by: karen59 at August 10, 2009 10:19 PM

Glittering Blue - what you've written here is so true and real. just so so good.
thank you!:)
I think it really is so important to keep the beating ourselves up to just a bare minimum, and then realise and learn.
I've just had a lucky escape, from a 6 month totally controlling cruel relationship, but it took me a while to realise, and to get out.
and also took me a while to stop feeling sorry for him. What I've read on here in the last couple of days, since I've started reading these blogs, has just made so many things click together, and really helped. still feel like a fool, hopefully that will go quickly too!
thanks guys!!!

Posted by: russianballerina at August 10, 2009 10:17 PM

Hey - onemoreoption - did we go out with the same person?? that sounds creepily familiar...how funny would that be??

I don't go into victim mode, but maybe worse, started to believe in his disapproval of me. just horrible. and for me - it was the "click" that I wasn't these awful things.
so now - I have to figure out just why that all happened, and how to not go there like that again. waltzing in, seeing this stuff fairly quickly, but full of rescuer??

Posted by: russianballerina at August 10, 2009 5:50 PM

Hey One,

1) are you suuuure we are not talking about the same man : )) (definitely the same kinda man)

2) I behaved in the same way as you.

3) empowerment and healing and creating future good, healthy relationships depend upon you realising your part and then staying alert to those signs, how you feel and how your respond at every stage of the "next time".

When I look back - I did not heed the signs from the very beginning. In fact I am shocked at myself for persisting and "just wanted what I wanted" despite the glaringly obvious.

But when you get to our age 37, and if you want a family. You can buy into the illusion that this is your last chance, at love, at having children and a family . . . utter bullshit of course.

And yes, Oney, it is a horrible feeling - to realise how terribly you have let yourself down and the disappointment of the truth. This, ironically, is what set's you free and will enable you to actually find a happy, interesting, fulfilling and real relationship in the future.

The faster you look at yourself and your own patterns, the closer and faster you are to healing and future happiness in all relationships.

This is not beating ourselves up. This is the necessary steps to self awareness and clarity and making better choices - putting your mental, emotional and physical health first. Once those things are going well and you have set up a good life eg. home, employment, friends, interests - then (and I think you have said this before), when you don't feel so needy, you are then ready to attract the right kinda man/woman into your life.

Most of us know this stuff, the key is putting it into practice - you gotta keep your eye on the ball : )))

I think we are most definitely on the same page on this topic. I still have some healing to go as I have residue anger, mainly disappointment at a lost dream - but each day I am taking another step on the ladder up and outta the well and into the sunshine : )) As they say . . . . it's a process : ))

Luv Glitter xo

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 10, 2009 5:34 PM

Hey Glitter,

We can beat ourselves up for a few reasons, but the most usual, is we are looking for an answer. For me, it was the 'click' that I wasn't the victim.

What I mean, is I went into victim mode, I felt angry, hurt, frustrated, full of questions, it really frustrated and astounded me someone could switch off like that etc etc. What was happening, is I put myself in victim mode.

Until I found out what I did wrong...............I wasnt a victim, I waltzed into that knowing he was unstable, rushing in too fast, full of wordy words and worst of all, that he had NEVER considered my feelings and always disregarded what I wanted. From when we spoke on the phone, to when and how we dated.....he pushed what he wanted on me and totally walked over what I did. I had even commented to friends he was 'sounding like a nutter' and had said lots of concerns to friends about him. I had said how when I had said I wanted to just have coffee and he wanted to spend three days with me, that he totally wouldnt accept just coffee, it had to be 3 days together.....etc etc.........it was all there, he never respected what I wanted, my boundaries and I chose to ignore that.

I saw my fault in it and came out of victim mode, if that makes sense? I saw how I had let myself down and worked on that and now, I can spot men like him a mile off.

It is the most horrible feeling though

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 10, 2009 5:46 AM

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 4, 2009 10:10 PM

Yes One ~ the X is a total repeat offender. I was just a cardboard cut out to replace the last one - I was of no significance at all, as a person, just served the purpose of continuing his self deception as to what a good, kind, sensitive and misunderstood man he is.

YES YES - but why do we only see this too late? and why do we then beat OURSELVES up because HE was the wolf in sheep's clothing? And that we saw too late that WE weren't important - that any reflection would do? What is this all about?

I so want to let him know that I'm now wise to his crap, and thank him!! - when I know that I should just suck it up, and move on.

GGGGGGGRRRRRRRRR

Posted by: russianballerina at August 9, 2009 6:48 PM

Ha ha what a great experiment Karen. Mind you after my ex i thought i would love a guy who cleaned but the last guy was insane. He never stopped and expected the same from me in my house. He changed things around to the "right" way etc. Im a fairly anal sort of person so dont take well to people coming into my space and rearranging it.
I want a man who'll do equal share housework but do it my way lol. I dont ask much.
Atm i seem to be finding guys who want to spoil me, which while i like, am a bit funny about accepting gifts so early in the piece. Ive got 3 really nice guys im talking to atm and im hoping they start showing me a reason to definantly keep or toss them soon cause i dont think i can keep 3 going for to long lol.
Oh and Glitter funny you should mention that guy who cleaned after an argument. I do the same thing and even if its not me in the argument its quite funny sometimes.
Ren

Posted by: bordergirl78 at August 6, 2009 7:24 PM

Hey Glitter,
You a 'foody' and all.... 'dates' are a little bit like sultanas but they're bigger. They've got a pip (nut) inside but you can get them 'de-pitted'. Get the metaphor?... you can't have to many at a time because they will give you the 's**ts! ... if you get what I mean!
Ha!

Yes onemore, if only I could keep a straight face... would love to see the reaction!
Cheers all!

Posted by: karen59 at August 6, 2009 5:02 PM

Love it Karen :-)

Thing is, I do believe that its mans work. I actually say that to guys a lot, I want a man who would stay home to raise the kids, but still be masculine, a man who is a great cook, can iron etc. That I don't care what he does for a living, so long as he is intelligent, kind, can get my humour and let me have it rather than trying to change it, appreciates me for being me and doesn't expect me to fit into a gender stereotypical role.........I dont care what he earns, so long as he looks good to me, is kind and funny, intelligent and is good at home stuff, is happy to put in at least 50% and not have it based on gender

I would love to see the result if a lot of us did that though, just to see how men would take it..............I have seen enough profiles where men ask for a girl who looks good in a black dress and can cook well..........go for it, do it ladies :-)

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 6, 2009 11:51 AM

Morning Karen,

Now who said I was a good cook?

Have you considered that I am just really good at "talking" about food. I'm simply a good PR machine.

I've had wonderful boyfriends [mainly] - all of them have cooked really well, and 99% of them did housework, the shopping etc . . . I really can't complain on that front. None of them ironed (but I don't either, so it's cool).

Funny: "this one time, at band camp", no seriously, this one boyfriend I had - a gorgeous, sexy radio jock - when we had a fight, he would go into this cleaning frenzy, bathroom and all - It was fantastic!! I don't know why he did that, possibly something about his mum dying when he was a pre-teen, and having to do housework . . . dunno, but it worked for me.

Jokes aside. I want an equal, no more, no less. It's a lot of fun to actually look after each other and especially cook for each other. There are men out there like this, I know this for sure.

I think this recent research about Aussie men, claiming they do not help domestically is wrong (well at least for my generation). I don't think it's fair on them to paint them in that negative light. It has certainly NOT been my experience.

Luv Glitter xo

Oh and Karen . . . what is a "d a t e s"? : ))

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 6, 2009 11:26 AM

Hey Glitter,
I notice you talk a lot about food and clearly you are a great cook. Maybe you are inadvertently attracting 'mother me Theresa's'... You know... 'the way to a man's heart is through his stomach'! Maybe you should start telling dates that you can't cook, never use an iron and think housework is a man's job! Ha! Could be a fun exercise! :)

Posted by: karen59 at August 6, 2009 9:43 AM

Hahaha Glitter, I know what you mean. I wonder if I deliberate go for these guys as I know they give me that wonderful bull story for a little while which is of the ilk of over hammed fairy story, but I know it wont actually go anywhere deep down as deep down I want to be free and dont want to be tied down to the day to day of a relationship, married etc etc. As I say, eyes open when I look around I dont want what virtually anyone has. I think I can count two long term partnerships I think actually seem great and I wouldn't mind a relationship like that, thats 2 out of probably 100 couples I know....so kind of says a lot about my reluctance, whereas for many years I played the victim :-)

Good insight there, works for me too Glitter :-)

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 6, 2009 7:02 AM

Yes One ~ the X is a total repeat offender. I was just a cardboard cut out to replace the last one - I was of no significance at all, as a person, just served the purpose of continuing his self deception as to what a good, kind, sensitive and misunderstood man he is.

My offense? To continue to set up unsuitable and incompatible partners so ultimately I will not have to commit and run the risk of potential loss of identity and freedom of life's many open doors and endless potentials ie. become like my parents marriage. I engineer and set up them leaving me, so that I won't have to be the bad one, whilst still remaining free.

Isn't it a strange and interesting thing how we set up situations, completely subconsciously, yet with total precision - gaining the outcome we want - even though we don't realise that that was what we were doing at the time . . .hindsight is marvellous.

I'm glad you sent back the whale tale - and his guilt with it. Empowering. He sounds like a total repeat offender! (it's a shame they can be lovely too, that's the hook, that keeps us going back, so that we may learn the important leasons that will ultimately set us free).

Luv Glitter xo

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 4, 2009 10:10 PM

Hey Wifey,

We have one of those arranged marriages....you are stuck with me through the efforts of others, but haven't seen the pictures yet....thin Mo Sislack out of The Simpsons!!!

Bobby

Posted by: notafigjam at August 4, 2009 9:54 PM

One,

Bob is your guardian angel...that's so lovely : ))

Posted by: whatuc09 at August 4, 2009 9:42 PM

Bobster, my own personal gargoyle......I have this image of this big stoney looking winged thing following me around like a cheesy B movie :-)

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 4, 2009 9:29 PM

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 4, 2009 8:58 PM

Hey Glitter, sounds like you were with the typical image man, no thought, lots of him boosting gestures. You were spot on, if you didnt like shells and they didnt really mean anything to you or hold significance then it was for his value, not for you, it wasnt anything thought about for you....spot on.

I rememeber my ex, who I mentioned before, he would deliberately withold anything that was important to me. I had to pretend things didnt mean anything to have anything offered. The one thing I said to him, he made jewellery, he was some tribal jewellery artist (starting with a P and ending in ss), and I disliked his jewellery really, but showing support I liked this whale tail he did, I told him to give that to me the day he pulled his head out and decided to be in a two way relationship. He promised that and pulled it away again for another two months, then when he told me it had been a lie for six months and for six months he had lied simply because he couldnt bear to lose me as I was so supportive in his life...........and I told him we could never talk again, he sent it....guilt present to actually calm his own guilt...I sent it back, with a note saying all it represented was his lies.

The funny thing is, the october before, he had told me the story of how one of his exes had told him she had lied for a year as she couldnt bear to lose his friendship....somehow I think it may have been the other way round and he was a repeat offender.

Often people repeat their patterns, hence as much as we do and go for the guy with the great words and not any actions to back it up but ignore it....those guys are experts at spinning their same story to attract those women.

As whatuc sent to me the other day, narcissistic people (which when you look it up isnt quite what you think) often think they are entitled to special treatment from unique people.......often they are the same people who claim psychic powers or the like......they cant face being ordinary and love to be that much more special and deserving than everyone else...hence have a tall story and put in no effort, after all why should they, they are getting what they want by just spinning a good tale :-)

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 4, 2009 9:27 PM

Oney ~ I agree with you AGAIN! A strawberry freddo frog on the way home from work on a Monday night, from the petrol station, has the power to make me weak at the knees. Did the X ever do that NO. It was the little things that were really important to me. He did pick up shells on the beach for me - but I don't think it really was for my benefit - more for his, so he could think of himself as "the nice, romantic, sensitive guy" - ya w'eva.

He bought me jewellery and other stuff, then spent the next year taking every opportunity to remind me (and others) that he had spent a lot of money buying those things. I find that Xtreeemely unattractive and insulting. I'd rather not have the gifts. I left the jewellery at his house anyway - why take it with me?

In fact, I was continuously amazed and shocked that he knew almost nothing about me after a year and showed no interest in my history, family or thought on things. I was simply a reflection of his own ego. That was all. And I ceased to keep feeding it with constant compliments and deferring. But I was the idiot that allowed that to continue - but I never thought it was okay, not even one little itty bitty bit. I thought it was embarrasing on his part, especially as he was completely unaware that that was what he was like. I knew almost everything about him and his family and their history. I knew things that even he didn't know - he would say "how did you know that"? I would say "because I listen and remember stuff". He bought me flowers towards the end of our relationship, but they were guilt and break up flowers - the worst way to use flowers.

He's not a bad bloke, but I am now very glad I am free to meet someone so much nicer, genuine and more importantly "deeper". In fact, I have thought often how I should thank him for doing me the best favour of my life. He, no doubt will be much happier too - without the constant undercurrent of my disatisfaction and disappointment. Poor bloke - really.

Glitter xo

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 4, 2009 8:58 PM

Oh Ren, I think thats pretty romantic, the guy from the corner shop.

He already knows so much about you, the little things, what you run off to get, your favourite choccie biccies, your favourite snack, whether you are a cheese and biscuits or a chips girl, or whats your favourite, mint slices or tim tams :-)

He already has his answers as to show you he is thoughtful of you......he knows what to pass on.

The most romantic thing about my last long term ex, is he knew my love of cream eggs and kinder buenos.......a lot fo the time he would stop for petrol on the way back home and he would pick up one of those, when cream eggs were in season............beats flowers any day as he knew it made me smile and he did it, as he liked to see me smile.

I am a firm believer, those cute things, those little things, like what you eat to make you smile, what you like colour wise, what you love book wise, movie wise.........they are the things that matter, not the big jewellery or flowers type gifts, anyone can do those.

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 4, 2009 8:19 PM

Hey Whatuc,

Thanks...hope wifey knows about this...she can be very jealous and possessive, you know; after all, not everyone has their own personal gargoyle!!!

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 4, 2009 7:32 PM

Bob,

next time you're on the coast Onemore and I are taking YOU to dinner : )

Posted by: whatuc09 at August 4, 2009 5:58 PM

Posted by: chuckie8 at August 4, 2009 4:04 PM

Maybe you dont really want to be found :)))

Posted by: jenjen57 at August 4, 2009 4:57 PM

Still Lost :(

Posted by: chuckie8 at August 4, 2009 4:04 PM

Bob, I haven't been on here since 2006!! First time 'round I got disheartened by all the fakes, pretenders, serial daters, women haters etc etc...I got off less than 6 months on. I met one really nice guy-but no sparks, that's life though.
After reading that some of the regular bloggers have met a decent person-I've decide that THIS time I'm gonna stick it out for at least a year. With the blogs to come to, I'll have added incentive to stay : )

Posted by: whatuc09 at August 4, 2009 10:23 AM

Hey Ren,

Now theres a novel idea...ask the little sister whats doing....knowing she will pass on the comment...hello high school!!!!

Why didn't you just walk up to him and say "Well, how you doin then"?

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 3, 2009 11:22 PM

Thanks for the ideas guys. I went with suttle hints although i really wanted to do the bend and snap lol. But it seems to have worked as he asked my little sis about me when she was at shop today. Fingers crossed.
One i love reading your insights even when they not relevant to me they give me something to think about.
Hope everyone had a good weekend.
Ren

Posted by: bordergirl78 at August 3, 2009 7:07 PM

Hey Glitter,

Not flirting at all....all you girls on here are good sorts!!!:)))))))))

Hey Wifey,

I agree, people want to be exactly what they think the object of their affection would like....some idiots might even go as far as to join a gym...but I get your drift!!!

I told a very dear friend (treasured friend for me) of mine the other night that I can do lots of things, but I cant make myself better looking; all I can do is make the best of what I have and be me...if thats not enough, then theres not much else i have to offer

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 3, 2009 5:28 PM

Hey Bob, I also think there are the guys and girls who think they want a relationship, but arent quite settled in themselves enough to have one. So often can be quite flip/reverse about their dating habits. See someone, be inspired, kiss, email, call, text, build up a huge thing, then scare themselves as they realise they have gotten in too deep and panick, run away.

I hear so many people say about having email communication then the profile disappearing, without warning.....I think this is a classic example of someone probably getting involved, far too deep, far too early and then feeling the need to block, or delete as they feel overwhelmed.

Then of course, there is the great big over hoping, great last hope, perfect fantasy person one has built up in our minds, along with a little help from them. I am sure when someone likes someone they would happily claim they had 7 legs and pink polkadot hair if you said you liked that. I am sure some would flatly deny they had two legs if you said you didnt like two legs..........building up this perfect partner, who then on the first date, cant possibly do anything but disappoint.

Just my view, its a grey area, not bad people, not good people, just a big mistake lots of people make.

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 3, 2009 3:40 PM

Bobby, you are an incorrigible flirt. . . .not that there is anything wrong with that [Seinfeld]

G. x

Posted by: glitteringblue at August 3, 2009 3:35 PM

Hi All,

I agree with Lovemornings...its hard the first time you comde on here. You have no idea what to expect, you think that everyone has the same agenda as you (to meet a new person for the realtionship you request on your profile, and they theirs), and that we are all here for the right reasons.

Reality is that people are rarely whom they say they are, they still lie to get what they want, they are just not that into you and some will use you and cast you away like so much garbage....in essence, they are still the best and worst of human beings.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 3, 2009 12:18 PM

Hey Playfair,

Howzit going...are we still besties...you've gone a bit quiet....hope that's a good sign that your busy on here...!!

Virgo...:)

Posted by: virgowoman2 at August 2, 2009 9:40 AM

Hi bordergirl78, I think you should bring up the fact that you were there previously with someone who didn't work out. Perhaps you could buy someone perishable and say that you hope this lasts longer. Just make it lighthearted and engage in conversation, see what happens from there.

You are totally right about it being like we were young. I have just finished a brief fling and can see that I was overly sensitive and emotional as it was the first time of dating someone since a teen really. I think one becomes more confident as you go along as I was a mess before my first date before that. Am definitely getting better and think it is the normal path of healing after a long term relationship breakdown.

Posted by: lovemornings at August 2, 2009 8:16 AM

Posted by: bordergirl78 at August 1, 2009 5:55 PM

How lovely, really love it.........how about saying something along the lines of when chatting 'my friends boyfriend, you know the one I was in here with the other week'.....so he knows he isnt yours....in conversation.

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 2, 2009 7:30 AM

Hey Whatuc09,

2006...whats wrong with guys on the GC are they all gay....2 great girls like yourself and Wifey sitting on this site???

Wifey is a bit of a ball-breaker (but in a nice way)...you both seem like perfectly fun girls

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 1, 2009 11:32 PM

Hey Ren,

Seems like the shopguy is a pretty decent human being...saw you connected and backed away. Subtle hints are a good way to say...hey I'm availabe...though, if he is like me, subtle hints usually just breeze by unnoticed!!!

Maybe bring it up in a conversation that you are single again...bat the eyes...whatever you women do to say these things...god, I dont even know what I am talking about!!

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at August 1, 2009 10:32 PM

Bordergirl, just go and chat to him, simple. Be happy.

Posted by: aloveoflife at August 1, 2009 8:36 PM

Ren! Have you tried the bend and snap ? :)

Seriously though , the best part he is at the corner store! plenty of reasons to run into him and make conversation and give him all the signals. ooh i need some sugar,,, cant forget the coffee ,, hmm oh yea milk!. ,, even if hes a bit slow like me he is bound to pick up on them sooner or later (hopefully sooner so you can go back to coles and save).

Onemore! :) , i guess i wish i was in that enviable position myself hahah multiple dates - from your lips to gods ears! . But then thats just a daydream i know myself better and its just not me.. I have done the slapping myself thing too it just took 20 years Doh! - yea they all say doh (chief wiggam voice).

I am lucky in a way, at my age i have so much rusted on armor that anything that can get through all that will have to be the genuine thing.

Posted by: mingle48 at August 1, 2009 8:01 PM

Bordergirl why not just pluck up the courage and ask him out?

Putting our hearts on the line is so hard... but without risk comes little gain.

The worst thing that could happen is he says no, the best case... welll the sky's the limit. All thevery best.

RU4REAL1 you've give all of us lonely hearts hope... cause I've almost given up hope too. Thank you for sharing xo

Posted by: maybeperfect4u at August 1, 2009 6:46 PM

Congats ru4real1!!!!
Now i have a dilema im hoping someone can help me with. I like the guy who runs the corner store and for awhile we seemed to have a connection. Anyway i started seeing a guy and the shop guy saw us together once and since the connection has waned. Im now single again and wondering if anyone had any ideas (short of a sign) to drop hints that im single again and hopefully rekindle the connection.
My god i feel like im in high school again asking this lol.
Ren

Posted by: bordergirl78 at August 1, 2009 5:55 PM

ru4real,

My heart is smiling for you...good luck...and be happy...:)

Virgo...:)

Posted by: virgowoman2 at August 1, 2009 10:37 AM

RU4REAL1, thanks for letting everyone know that love and real relationships can be found on rsvp, this is not my first time on here, but hearing your news gives me fresh umpff to persevere, may I ask how long you were on here before meeting the man ?

Bob, I first got on here in 2006, different name and no blogs back then, got off after about 8 months-mind you I'll hang around forever now cause of the blogs : ) One probably got on here before me this year-dunno, not important : )

Posted by: whatuc09 at August 1, 2009 9:41 AM

Hey Glitter, I will be here to give you a nudge :-) Its not like I am going to be going anywhere anytime soon.

Mingle, for sure, they cant sustain it, hence now I dont date just one man, get emotionally involved etc for a good three months. Then they have seen my good and bad sides, I have seen theirs and I have also dated other guys so I am not just trying to make one guy fit whether it does or not, which we are all guilty of not letting go when we really should have. .....hence I am a huge fan of dating as many as possible at the same time, so the right one stands out miles, as they will.....and not because you worry there wont be another as great as him (when six months later you are slapping yourself thinking 'what was I drinking to think he was my type, ewwwwww').

Bob, it was funny, Whatuc and I were having lunch the other week and she started telling me about this blog post that made her laugh and started talking about my 'Mother me Theresa' post on here. I told her it was me............very spooky :-)

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 1, 2009 5:27 AM

Great stuff ru4real1!
Hope it just keeps getting better and better!

Posted by: amberlight58 at July 31, 2009 11:56 PM

Oney @ 5:15 PM,

I think many of us would understand.
More than a few people rush off into the sunset in that scenario, thinking they have found "the one" and wake up months or years later with a stranger.
The idealized person is no different, it's just that finally the rose-tinted glasses have fallen off and the person that was thought to be, is not the real person that is.

When people are in love with the idea of love, it can be so easy to think that the object of their desire has qualities that are exactly what they WANT them to have, simply because they want to see them that way.

In reality, both people may not be at all suited personality-wise or emotionally to each other, but as neither person is really thinking clearly, any doubts are immediately pushed out of sight.
Even if both people aren't delusional, it is easy for the idealized person to get carried way by the besotted person's "love" for them that they can just go along with it.

The sad reality is that once it all goes wrong, it is a very long way to fall for the person who has been put up on that pedestal!
I think maybe it does happen more to women than men. And the more good-looking a woman is, the greater the risk is of it happening.

One day she is the most beautiful, sexy, gorgeous woman in the world and the next she is the 'b*tch from hell' and she has no idea what happened!
She hasn't changed at all, it's just that she has without even knowing it, said or done something that shattered his image of her. Once that happens she can rarely redeem herself!

Maybe that is what you have experienced onemore. It is very painful. And I can imagine why you would do everthing to avoid that experience ever again!

Maybe meeting someone in the "internet dating world" puts both men and women at a higher risk of this happening to them. People often turn to this as a ?last resort, so some are a little more 'desperate' than they might have been?
They see every desirable person as their 'last chance' and so try to mould them into the person they want, without seeing them for the person they really are?

In this disposable world we have today, I wonder how many people on sites like this have 'ditched' their perfectly reasonable and loving partners, for the greener pastures of the internet, only to find that the paddocks are more likely full of weeds than sweet pasture?
Is it any wonder then that some people may be looking for that fantasy person who is 'exactly' what they want/need?
Rather than taking their time and looking for someone who is 'real'?

What do others think? Or am I just being cynical?

Posted by: amberlight58 at July 31, 2009 11:54 PM

ru4real1,

Good for you babe....best of luck with the relationship....hope we done see you back here, unless its just to pass a bit of time with some old friends

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at July 31, 2009 10:05 PM

Happy for you ru4real. Good luck with it, really.

Posted by: glitteringblue at July 31, 2009 10:04 PM

Gday to all Sorry its been a while since I've been online. Hope you are all well. I have some news for you all. I have meet a really wonderfull guy and have been seeing him for a while. Things have really turned out great between us, and we are now in a relationship of which I am very Happy about. I would like to Thank You All for your Great Advice over the time that I have been here.
I wish you all the Very Best with your search for Love and Happiness. I know like me it will all find you sooner than you think. Dont give up as I almost did. Some where out there is someone for all of us!!!!!!!!! Hugs and Kisses to you all.

Posted by: ru4real1 at July 31, 2009 9:48 PM

You betchaya cute hairy monkey ass Snubby.

Lovey G. xo

Posted by: glitteringblue at July 31, 2009 9:25 PM

/sigh typical that i would get typcast to a cameo role. how do you think it feels to walk around the island with a wig glued to my backside to satisfy the censors? and the dam thing itches, ugg monky hair gives ya a rash. can never go swimming on the reef with all that fur i never know what i am going to catch!

Lovey you get all the breaks , iirc all those millions were daddies , living a pampered decadent lifestyle ,and all those cabana boys back on the mainland!! Thurston never seems to stray ,, methinks there is more to lovey than those demure dresses let on !

Posted by: mingle48 at July 31, 2009 9:12 PM

Hi Onemore/Whatuc9,

Two friends on rsvp.....not something you see everyday...so who decided first to give it a go?

As far as other blogs....all a bit of a blur to me at times; dont always look at the profiles of the bloggers....I think, if the become regular, you get more out of their word here than from their profiles.

The thing about people is that two can have very similar things in their profiles, but when they read that in others, they dont see them the same....and someone attractive to me may not be attractive to someoe else. In the end, its all about personal perception and choice. Nothing we can do about that...we cant make someone like us of be attracted to us.

bob

Posted by: notafigjam at July 31, 2009 9:08 PM

I'm afraid, you R Snubby. Maybe Mary-anne likes that? You know, taller woman with shorter guy (i mean chump, I mean chimp). It's nothing to be ashamed of. Anyway lookamoi - I'm Lovey - aging, greedy, useless tycoon's wife . . .ya great!

Luvvy Glitter xo

ps. It's Snubby, not Stubby : )))

Posted by: glitteringblue at July 31, 2009 8:17 PM

Lovey! 8)
I cant be snubby, mary-anne would never give herself to a chump err chimp (indignation) and where do you think he got that name from hey? 0.0

did you not see the way she theatrically fainted right into my arms when she saw my hairy back? no no oh yes! faint...

Posted by: mingle48 at July 31, 2009 8:00 PM

Thanks for those pearls of wisdom onemore ,, your description of your dates has been an eye opener :).
I would never have looked deeper into my own motivations or how it would have been percieved on the other end from someone who has been through this process before.

I wonder now how much of this misguided motivation comes from our society, literature and media such as movies and the tele. More than we realise we follow the rituals of our society to convey a message , if i was to sit there over a dinner and wink at someone they would probably think what is wrong with this guy's eye? but if i was to bring a rose and chocolates the other person would see the symbology of the ritual and think ,, hmm he likes me !

There are probably whole generations of people out there who think they are in love , when they are probably more in love with being in love. And those guys you speak of have no other point of reference than, pay a woman attention , flatter her , and do the pedestal thing and she will understand the symbology - it doesnt occur to them that its just not sustainable.

Posted by: mingle48 at July 31, 2009 7:14 PM

Hey One,

YOU know how wise and wonderful I think you are: ) And I think everyone here is truly blessed to be able to share in your wisdom. Kudos for having the balls to say "I was one of the one who made mistakes". I think THAT ability is what has made you into the insightful darling you are.
May we blessed with more of your wisdom and loveliness.

Karen59, FirstSoprano, thanks-I was in a poetic mood yesterday. Yes, I get the whole 'wtf' when you 'kiss' a guy who matches your search and you his....and then he says...'.I don't think it would work out'. I take it on, that those guys have some fantasy to fulfill-so I'm glad they don't waste my time.

Bob, you and I have blogged before - on 'casual' I think.

Happy blogging

Posted by: whatuc09 at July 31, 2009 7:01 PM

Hi Onemore,

I fear when I read your "confession" that you have gone from hard right to hard left...throwing yourself at guys to seeing no real redeeming features....that is a tragedy Onemore; but I do understand how you have gone there.

Everyone is an individual..you cant really judge the next guy by your past experiences...though easy to say, not easy to do. I do agree with you strongly though on the dating thing....if he thinks you are worth the effort; waiting whilst you get yourself to a point of comfort in yourself wont be an issue.

My belief (and its only mine) is that no monan should feel obliged to progress a relationshp faster than they are happy to do...it should be at your pace...if he is worth your effort; he will wait until you are ready.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at July 31, 2009 7:00 PM

Hey Mingle,

If you are the man in the gorilla suit (that's hot, and I mean sexy!), that only leaves me with being "Lovey Howell" the rich, spoiled, somewhat ditzy, socialite married to Thurston Howell III.

Meh . . . I can live with that. Just call me "Lovey", darling. Soooo, that only leave's me with one question? Who is my blog husband then? Where is my Thurston? Where's my Pookie? (just want to get into character here on Friday night).

Glitter xo (aka Lovey)

ps. Mingle, I think it wasn't a gorilla - it was Snubby the Monkey - can YOU live with that?

pps. manboobs . . . mmmm, nice visual. Hot.

Posted by: glitteringblue at July 31, 2009 6:44 PM

hey chuckie,

i'll have whatever your on.

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at July 31, 2009 6:41 PM

One wrote ": " . . . but none of it was real and all of it was a fantasist needing the closeness of a relationship more than knowing me. My opinion is if you need the relationship that much you feel you have to rush it, you shouldnt be looking for a relationship" . .

I want to hire you as my professional relationship counsellor. Or get the name of the one you went to. They are worth every red cent and I truly believe that.

This is stuff we know but is just gold to get reminded of and keep in the fore of out "dating minds". These are the tools that'll set us free from that horrible roundabout of unsuccessful, traumatic and dysfunctional partnering.

Ta xo

Posted by: glitteringblue at July 31, 2009 6:12 PM

Oh gosh, pick a mistake, I have made it :-) Its like I crammed them all into about a 3 year period too oddly enough.

I did the whole 'give my self esteem away for him to control', sit by the phone, think I was in love, demand to be uber important virtually off the bat, even did ridiculous things to gain mens attention and keep them. I cried, I whinged, I obsessed, I virtually stalked, I thought about 24-7.........I have done the lot, every mistake in the book, its got a tick next to it :-)

I learned the hard way, as lovely as a man may seem, or maybe is, he has to stay on the very outside of your life and him yours until you get to know him. Friends, family, hobbies, thinking time....if he consumes any of that time, then you are in trouble. When you start to feel anger, frustration, worry, upset over a man you have only known days, or weeks, you are in trouble.............and for me, this is where victims come from.........the women who then cry 'he treated me terribly' when actually, the woman just obsessed.......I think obsess is the best word to describe what people do, when they think all the time, analyse too much, allow the 'him' or 'it' consume thoughts, time with friends and family, work etc.

Just about every guy I have dated has thrown himself in at me, like he was in love, like he couldnt live without me, sticking me on a pedestal I would break my neck if I fell off........barging into my life like he was completely front and centre of it, texts from morning to say good morning, texts at night to say goodnight...but none of it was real and all of it was a fantasist needing the closeness of a relationship more than knowing me.

My opinion is if you need the relationship that much you feel you have to rush it, you shouldnt be looking for a relationship.

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at July 31, 2009 5:13 PM

I have enjoyed reading the words of wisdom here, and liked WhatUC09's comparison to the ocean - that seems most appropriate.

I havent had many contacts yet. When I first joined up, I wrote that I just wanted to make some friends, as all my friends are married, and I wanted a few friends that were single. And the responses I got were from men who were already in a relationship looking for casual friendship. That was a bit creepy for me, and not at all what I had in mind.
Since then most of the men contacting me have been a good 12 years older than me (ie over 60), also not what I had in mind.

I was nervous about contacting other people to start with, but I sent a few kisses out, and got all "thanks, but no thanks" so I stopped worrying about it and now it doesnt feel so daunting.

Would still just like to make a few friends to chat to, without necessarily looking for a partner, but I think the guys are past that stage and want to be in a relationship.
Also, lots of men in my age group (I'm 48) still want to have kids, or are still undecided, so they are looking for someone younger.

Just my thoughts for the afternoon.
MoK

Posted by: memoryofkisses at July 31, 2009 4:48 PM

Hey onemore,
You did let us in on a secret... "Miss fall in love with anyone". I knew all those wonderful words of wisdom had come from some serious sole searching and reflection. I find your contributions to the blogs to be full of common sense and clarity. You go girl!
Karen :)

Posted by: karen59 at July 31, 2009 4:29 PM

Well peacefully, good for you, but guess you cant sound angry or frustrated when men equally have such a flippant attitude toward you.

I want the right man, not one who jumps through hoops as he has the horn for three dates........three months is the right amount of time for him to drop the act, show his bad side, show his good ones, relax, be who he really is........but hey, if you want to make your judgements after three dates..........fill you boots as much as you like, affects me none at all.

Love isnt a fast food option.......it takes time......and emotionally investing enough to have to vent about how frustrated you feel in my opinion says you are far too emotionally invested........or you demand men do exactly as you say, how you want it or they can just go take a hike...which really is no better.

However, do as you like, you asked for advice, I gave it.

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at July 31, 2009 3:57 PM

hehe i have to laugh.. i so dont want an instant relationship i have not even called him at all, i do not chase guys! I am at a different stage timing makes a big difference dont want to waste time thats all.. have learnt from my mistakes.

Virgo .. you are so spot on ! Thats true process of elimination thats what i mean too then with my ideas on not wasting time.. and i have never felt comfortable dating two or three guys at once so i think three dates is a good indication of how you feel. Then i say NEXT hehehe stuff three months,three strikes you are out hehehe whay waste each others time.

Posted by: peacefuly75 at July 31, 2009 12:53 PM

Thank you for the welcome Nik :)
hmmm choosing a character for the island thats a toughie. I am open to suggestions but I think i'm a bit slow to be the professor. I wouldn't mind Thurstons money , the skipper and i both have man boobs in common, ack i just pictured myself in drag /shudder so the girls are out, and i guess gilligan is taken... dang.... i think that just leaves the guy in the gorilla suit, actually that aint so bad come to think of it ,, he does get to kidnap mary-anne and take her back to his cave for a grooming session 0.0 ,, and she did wear those short shorts... hubba hubba...ofcourse it was fated never to last, but you know what they say , its better to have groomed.....

Posted by: mingle48 at July 31, 2009 12:10 PM

Hi all
Just finished reading most of the comments. Im back on here after ditching a guy who was moving way too fast.
This is my first time dating (was married at 18 for 13 yrs) so all these comments are very handy. Loving your advice one. Well hoping this is the first of many posts lol.

Posted by: bordergirl78 at July 31, 2009 11:07 AM

Peacefuly,

This sounds a bit callous, but it's a process of elimination...you have to get out there and meet these people, to find the right one for you...but each person you meet, will help you determine exactly what you're looking for....the man with the glass slipper..!!

Virgo...:) xoxo

Posted by: virgowoman2 at July 31, 2009 10:33 AM

I guess when its right it will happen .. it wont leave any of us questioning ourselves or the other person... all these experiences will be so wonderful because when we end up with the right person for us we will know it will just fit like a perfect size shoe hehe i was going to say glass slipper but im sure that will set some of you off !!! ! Im grateful for all my experiences they get me closer to enlightenment...

Thankyou Karen looking forward to hearing from you xxx

ps he has too much baggage you snooze you lose... balance is the key not one extreme to other ! I did not want to hang out with family or friends too soon i have in the past declined early invites but not to be thought about is a different issue like it would be nice to have cared to ask about my life thats what really got to me shows me a side to someone i dont like..

Posted by: peacefuly75 at July 31, 2009 9:34 AM

where am i got water in my ears sand in my mouth ,oh professor chuckie hear nice to meet you all :)

Posted by: chuckie8 at July 31, 2009 9:23 AM

Hey Peacefully,

Same as Amber, there is no criticism here, Hey letting everyone in on a little secret, I used to be 'Miss fall in love' with anyone. Gosh I even fell in love with men I chatted to online and never met and felt huge deep hurt when eventually I got so full on they told me to go take a hike. Being a sensible girl, at the end of it all, I used to shake my head and wonder what the hell happened there as it was so opposite to who I was, then I saw a relationship counsellor who told me what was going on....................I had a deep attraction to rejection, so I pushed the buttons to get it.....usually full on does the trick nicely and men switch off every feeling pretty instantly for that one, not much else would do the trick better...............so I was the worst of the worst on this subject, I couldnt let go of anyone, no matter what a rotter they were.

Now Peacefully, I am not saying that is anywhere near you.........I think what I am hearing though is you arent happy in this..........you dont feel like you are getting what you want out of it............so you either walk, or you don't. Its hard to tell, if he is being selfish and controlling of you and not considering of what you want and feel...........or if you are expecting too much too soon..............if its the first, then you need to walk away, if its the second, you may still need to walk away and find yourself and how realistically you should be dating, put some ground rules in for yourself so you dont rush in too fast, expect too much.

Like i have, I wont become emotionally or physically involved with a man for 3 months. Equally I wont date exclusively for three months and I will date others as I expect him to. Then the ones who arent really serious will drift away after a date or two, the ones who are, will stick around and get to know me and maybe one, a right one, a one who connects over time for the right reasons will stand out head and shoulders above everyone else. Its hard though, I understand, thats why I made hard and fast rules rather than lines that can be blurred, as love can be intoxicating, so can destructive cravings via another person....what I used to do.

Oh and Hubby (Bob), of course Whatuc is a switched on woman.....its one of my friends :-)

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at July 31, 2009 5:00 AM

Welcome to the mad house Mingle, this is the lovely bunch of regulars here, we pounce, we bicker, we agree and at the end of the day we are all happy and content, even if we haven't had the "love of our life" contact us. I hope you enjoy the blogs and continue to contribute. Just please let us know which character you'd like to be on Gilligans Island, I think we need a professor. Enjoy, Nik

Posted by: aloveoflife at July 30, 2009 11:37 PM

Hi Peacefuly,
I think Onemore is giving you very good advice. Even three dates is not a long time, nor does it mean you are heading towards a relationship.
Three dates does however, give you a good idea about someone though and if he suspects you are having too many expectations of him at this early stage, you may just put him off completely.
Give him some space and try not to do the "instant relationship" thing. He'll run a mile!

Introducing someone new to friends is a really big step and most mature people won't even think about doing that until they are really sure about you.
You also have young children and most guys are very cautious about taking on an instant family.

As Onemore said give yourself a break too, mix with your own friends, keep meeting other people. There is nothing more attractive than someone who has their own interesting life but something very scary about someone who wants to be a major part of your life way too soon!
Just keep it friendly and casual and see what happens from there.

He might even be worried that you might be starting to expect him to fit in with you, which he may see as being controlling.
Please don't see this as us criticising, just a few things you may want to think about, that's all.
Good luck with everything.

Posted by: amberlight58 at July 30, 2009 10:41 PM

FG - snap out of it!

I know you are a tradie, but I'm sure you can find IT. You don't want me to call kurli to find IT for you - she's got a sore hip. And there's just some things, you gotta get for yourself. : ))

Posted by: glitteringblue at July 30, 2009 10:40 PM

No Virgo you are still the bestest for another day at least

Posted by: playfair67 at July 30, 2009 10:16 PM

Hey Soprano, sitting there in your red top. you look lovely, huge smile, obviously warm and open. I would love to be able to sing. One of my team and I sing songs sometimes when things get a little slack and we have a happy dance for achievements, but to sing, really sing would be amazing.

Posted by: iaminperth at July 30, 2009 10:12 PM

Hey Soprano, sitting there in your red top. you look lovely, huge smile, obviously warm and open. I would love to be able to sing. One of my team and I sing songs sometimes when things get a little slack and we have a happy dance for achievements, but to sing, really sing would be amazing.

Posted by: iaminperth at July 30, 2009 10:12 PM

I can accept your comment that there are far more weeds in the garden so turn yourself into a flower, a beautiful flower, kind, sincere and funny and be yourself and you will attract other flowers. Be free and be the best you can be and you will see you will attract someone nice to you. I don't believe that anyone has the right to try to control another person, you can only control yourself and your reactions and by being your authentic self, who you really are, you will find someone who accepts and treasures you for who you are.

Posted by: iaminperth at July 30, 2009 10:08 PM

Hi folks , i just wanted to pop in and say hello - Hello everybody! (dr nicks voiceover).

My daughter coined my username - grats dad your a mingle now! - huh? - a mature single she says - oh! - better be careful dad cause the next stage is a slob - whaaat! - a silly lonely old bugger - doh!. Well, armed with that worldly advice (and the threats of liberal applications of a cattle prod) , i thought why not?

I guess i am still at the newbie stage of all this and i was starting to get a bit discouraged by my experiences, so it's been a balm to read your comments and to find that there are real people here ,, real people yay!

Posted by: mingle48 at July 30, 2009 9:49 PM

Well certainly Bob - it IS a very Personal Choice. I won't be every man's cup of whatever and they won't be mine etc.
I wondered whether there was something I was missing given it's a text medium (thus communication is not perfect as it misses the non-vocal cues!) But this, I guess, is as imprecise and possibly random as any other method of human interaction.

Posted by: firstsoprano at July 30, 2009 9:41 PM

FG....Have you taken your medication tonight petal plum..!!

Mum...:)

Posted by: virgowoman2 at July 30, 2009 9:28 PM

Hey Playfair,

Did you just drop me as your bestest friend in the whole world...!

I enjoyed being your bestie for the day...!!!

Hooroo.....Virgo...:)

Posted by: virgowoman2 at July 30, 2009 9:09 PM

He Firstsoprano,

Maybe...but its called Personal Choice. Everyone is entitled to it and, if they dont want to reply or knock you back...thats their choice....boy, its happened to me heaps when i was looking; but knew that it was always likely; so never worry about it.

Best you can do is apply your own standards to yourself...you cant apply your standards to anyone else...that controlling, and not an attractive trait in any person

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at July 30, 2009 9:01 PM

hi whatuc
like the ocean analogy too. I think of the dating scene like space, it's unknown but as humans we are drawn to it. Unseen objects arent always hidden.. just need a light to reflect them. There are alot of good people out there, just need alot of light... and bright light at that.

No chance of me finding one then.

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at July 30, 2009 8:47 PM

Hey Peaceful,
I will get in touch with my nieces on the weekend and sort something out... then i will send you an email.
Karen :)

Posted by: karen59 at July 30, 2009 8:47 PM

Hey sis Virgo, I think Bob just said something nice about you and me....awww Bob, you are a softy.

Posted by: aloveoflife at July 30, 2009 8:25 PM

Whatuc ~ I like your analogy re the ocean and I agree. I hope a dolphin happens by for you : )

Posted by: glitteringblue at July 30, 2009 7:53 PM

Loved the analogy of an ocean rife with tentacles, sharks, clams and hopefully a few fish in the sea!

I haven't been on this site long. I'm really pleased to have found this thread which seems to have such wise and sane people contributing to it.

I'll add one more vote to onemore's advice. I'm trying to see this as a process of trial and error, where two disparate planets might slowly move into each other's orbit - or not!

For example I've been contacting various men to express an interest in getting to know them a bit better. ("Kiss" seems a little presumptuous but hey that's the way the site is set up). I'm a little bemused by those men who look interesting and potentially compatible in terms of what they say in their profile about themselves but who seem to have a crystal ball to know "things won't work out between us" without e-mailing me to find out whether I live up to my profile or am completely and misleading different. It feels a little superficial.

I don't have a problem with being knocked back on what is basically a simple expression of interest - or was this a lucky escape on my part? Or are they being hasty? Or have I missed something in the etiquette of this site? (Or of
men come to think of it!)

Posted by: firstsoprano at July 30, 2009 7:49 PM

Hi Guys,

The dating scene is only as daunting as we make it. Look for quality, not quantity...if you set your parameters honestly; and only contact those thart feel good to you, then you might avoid a few of the pitfalls.

The problem here is that its a bit of a smogasbord...so many nice looking snacks on the table...but they are not always good for us.

In a way, I feel very sorry for some of the women on here who are true beauties; and by that, I mean attractive, but with inner beauty (Lizzie, Nik)...they are likely to get too many wombats that they lose hope of meeting decent guys...like me (!!!):))))

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at July 30, 2009 6:44 PM

Hey Whatuc09,

Welcome....obviously a very switched on girl.

The key here is everyone here should be here for themselves...its your happiness, not someone elses. If you meet somone along the way that brings you joy; you will hopefully bring joy to them...that is what you want.

We all find happiness in different ways that might not suit those that contact us, or we contact....I have, but how is for me to know..and you to find out...but you wont!!!

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at July 30, 2009 6:25 PM

Thanks for the feedback, it actually sounds different to how i meant it, the issue i had was that i get the feeling he is the sort of guy that expects someone to fit in with him i guess thats what annoyed me, and the fact he didnt ask what i had planned or anything. I guess i would have liked him to at least be more open he just seems a bit closed and happy to do things his way. This was our third date, and i totally agree not to rush it but i have to be wary of the men that expect you to just fit in with their wants.... and i have dated probably a dozen guys from rsvp im staying single not going to settle.. i could tell you some stories but they bore me... men that lie, just want a shag, blah blah ..
I have a feeling i will meet my soulmate but in the mean time ???? wonder if he is on here??

ian inperth yes the world is full of weeds and flowers I accept that however I strongly believe the weeds sadly are outweighing the flowers look at the state the world is in .. I dont just accept all things thats a boring and very non active way to be! My opinion :)

Hey bob hope you were joking re the weak men comment hehe!

Posted by: peacefuly75 at July 30, 2009 5:57 PM

Hey Virgo
As I was putting my 2 cents worth in.I received a out of the blue ocean a unexpected email. I was expressing my gratitude to you. Good Karma!!!!

Posted by: playfair67 at July 30, 2009 5:14 PM

Onemore,
If only more people thought that way......the dating scene.....wouldn't be as daunting as it is and there would be far less people wondering "what if "
Cheers :))

Posted by: yeahitsme2 at July 30, 2009 12:04 PM

Onemore,

You're an amazing woman, you see things with so much clarity, and your advice is spot on...you're a very impressive lady..!

Virgo...:)

Posted by: virgowoman2 at July 30, 2009 11:25 AM

Peacefully with regards to 'You know what really got to me re this guy he said he is busy entertaining friends this weekend so could catch up next week sometime... I walked off wondering if i should be annoyed by that or be ok i was annoyed cause if someone was genuine about getting to know someone they would find time for you hmmm any thoughts??"

I would say you SHOULD be okay with that, in fact if he put you in front of his friends, or even equal to your friends after a date or two or three or four, THEN you should worry.

He has his priorities right, friends first, you are someone he has met once, you arent the centre fo his world and shouldnt be for many months. I worry about people who do throw themselves in that deep where they think that they should be given a priority to a person they dont know as that says living in a fantasy world, not a real world and it means everything isnt real

People earn a place in anothers life over time, over things given and received........anything else isnt worth having.

I think your expectations are a little high being honest with you Peacefully..............not in the long term, but you want it too soon by what you are saying.

He doesnt know if he wants you in his life yet....he wont for several months realistically........so yeh, his friends and other things will take priority over you.

As should yours over him.....including dating other men and not focussing so much on this chap....as the quickest way to lose someone is to hold on too tightly

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at July 30, 2009 9:58 AM

Meeting someone for the first time is just that - meeting. It should be interesting and enjoyable. If it's not, that's okay, you have just met a person you don't find terribly interesting and you will probably not meet them again. Just put it down to experience and keep looking.

Posted by: iaminperth at July 30, 2009 9:53 AM

Hey Peaceful. Don't forget that someone who you consider to be a weed in the garden may be the best most wonderful for another. I tend to believe that everyone of us have good and bad points and we can all be boring and tedious at times, it's just finding the match. Most people are nice, they just not be nice enough for you. So don't be too hard on them, and don't be hard on yourself. There are a lot of weeds in a garden and usually a few flowers, that's life, accept it.

Posted by: iaminperth at July 30, 2009 9:49 AM

Women do it as well Amber. The ones who have never worked sponged off the welfare system most of their lives, own nothing and they are looking for a financially secure guy for wining, dining, trips overseas etc. Seems the offer of sex is the ultimate and the sum total of their desirability in their eyes. I find this rather demeaning to a guy who has worked hard to achieve his little place in life. Yes, maybe they have worked their guts out in the home and with children for the previous spouse and had a lot of hard knocks in life but that is not the problem of the future partner and I think they need to look at themselves sometimes and see what they can bring and add to a relationship. Not all financially of course, but it must be something more than a roll in the sack.

Posted by: iaminperth at July 30, 2009 9:44 AM

Hi all,

Gonna relate 2 stories about emails AND my theory of RSVP.

I was emailing an rsvp guy through private email (he went off rsvp), we exchanged lots of great emails (he was overseas at the time). I replied to his last one, no reply for 2 weeks-he is also on the same mail provider as me, so when he was online-I could see, so I knew he was able to send me an email-he chose NOT to, anyways after 2 weeks no reply to my last email, I deleted my email address (I use disposable ones for rsvp guys), now he's back on rsvp...I'm not crying or calling him horrible names, it's life.

2 nights ago got a completely brilliant email from a guy, I'm not holding my breath and praying for a reply-he'll either reply or not, again - it's life.

I view RSVP like an ocean NOT a wading pool.
Wading pools are small, you know who's in it and you can't get hurt too much.
Oceans are huge and vast, they have sharks, predators, octopus' (lots of arms,lol) and nasty things that sting you, but oceans also have dolphins....let the sharks pass you by and keep yourself open to meeting a dolphin.

Posted by: whatuc09 at July 30, 2009 9:10 AM

Hi all my new blogger friends its nice to be part of such wise team :)

Thankyou Bob for your advice so true, and i made a promise to myself to stop allowing myself to be used for whatever reason it might be after all if i allow it to happen i must take responsbility .. then i get upset with myself vicious cycle gotta get off the unhealthy men dating game!! does this make sense to you ?? does in my mind harder to write it... anyway it leaves me in a position of UMMM Where are the good REAL Men?? I feel like im constantly finding yet another weed in my garden yet to find a flower !

You know what really got to me re this guy he said he is busy entertaining friends this weekend so could catch up next week sometime... I walked off wondering if i should be annoyed by that or be ok i was annoyed cause if someone was genuine about getting to know someone they would find time for you hmmm any thoughts??

Hey Karen thankyou for thinking of me and i would really like to meet your nieces thankyou !!! xxx

Posted by: peacefuly75 at July 30, 2009 8:54 AM

Peaceful,

Two things, first, if you are frowning, feeling negative feelings, then walk away........ignore this, you are ignoring a red flag and only sticking around to see just how bad it will get.

The second, I have mentioned this before, please, the best piece of advice I can give you is not to become too emotionally invested in one person. The mere fact he has your head spinning after one date says you have already made him a big focus in your life and you will wear yourself out in no time, be tired, your self esteem will take a huge knock after a few rounds of doing that.

If you dont invest in someone for a good 2-3 months, until you get to know them, you have nothing to lose..........invest in someone before you have even met them and focus on only them, when the chances are they arent for you and it isnt going to work, every time you go through this is going to be like mourning a 3 year relationship and its going to have a huge impact to your life and you will be wasting too much of it mourning people who dont deserve mourning, missing people you dont even know etc.

I am sure you want the right man, not the one you just want to fit so badly. If you arent happy, stop giving...........keep giving when you are unhappy now, it will get worse. I dont think its the ex thing either, everyone deserves sympathy, everyone deserves care, but there is something making you upset and there is something making you not feel good about this.

Find a couple of lovely new dates, not just one, three or four even and eventually after a couple of months, one may well stand out as the best of them all, way above the others as the one you want to call when you see something funny, the one you really look forward to seeing as he feels like home, the guy who is your best mate and your equal.

Don't end up with someone thinking as you are a woman you are his mother, there to wash, cook, clean and sort his life out.

Date as many men at once as you can, let the one stand out as he is real and dont invest too much emotionally so soon so you end up finding it annoying or horrible as an experience

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at July 30, 2009 5:26 AM

Hey Perthy

Only older in number...believe me. Whilst we may not always agree...I think we have the same values and hate seeing people being used by others

Nothing more appealing to a woman than a weak minded and weak willed guy...surely!!!

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at July 29, 2009 11:52 PM

"He said he needs someone like me because I'm happy. I wonder if it crossed his mind why would I need someone like him ???"

Really good points, Perth!
I find it quite amazing when you read the profiles of some not-so-attractive (nor terribly interesting) but obviously hopeful older men with a huge sense of entitlement, who specify "a good-looking woman, slim, affectionate, who dresses well, aged around 35, who looks after herself, etc, etc"
Unless they are Hugh Hefner, exactly what do such self-absorbed men think THEY may have to offer such a woman?
Actually come to think about it, what do they have to offer ANY woman?

Posted by: amberlight58 at July 29, 2009 11:47 PM

So true FG. Surely meeting a new person should be exciting and happy and a time to laugh and talk about happy times in your life and hopes for the future. What's the point of being unhappy or having issues at this stage. Sure, if the whole thing doesn't gel that's a bit disappointing but there has to be a reason so move on, accept it, you don't have to know the reason, it just didn't work. Don't get strung along. If the person doesn't feel the same way you do with a sense of wonder at what may lie ahead, give it a miss, someone else will find you so interesting and attractive they won't be able to resist. Just look at FG, our resident 'naughty boy' and we all love him.

Posted by: iaminperth at July 29, 2009 11:30 PM

Playfair.....I'll be your bestest friend in the whole world if you want....but once you get to know me...you may regret those words...!!!

Virgo...:)

Posted by: virgowoman2 at July 29, 2009 11:13 PM

Bob, Stop saying what I'm saying, I'm first!!! I'm older!!! So good to hear a guy saying these things, very refreshing and so realistic. Stop using exes as an excuse for bad behaviour or not moving on people. It's not a good look. And if you are not that into a person and can't think of another excuse grow a backbone and say so don't blame another person. Ladies don't bother with them, they're weak pussies and you don't need them. Until someone tells them to grow up they are going to rely on sympathy to get them what they want so don't do it. If they have issues, great, they're just not that into you and move on. Don't play the game, they're not worth it in the long run. Expect them to treat you with the same standard as you treat them and unless you want to play the boo hoo game and enjoy being a mother to an adult, tell them to grow up and get lost. Can't stand manipulative people, just can't do it and can be quite brutal and can't stand the boo hoo people, it's the past, it does not shape the future., that is a choice.

Posted by: iaminperth at July 29, 2009 10:55 PM

Hi maybe

Not a good feeling to receive an email only to be let down in such a way. I think it's a shame (and this has been mentioned before) the whole emailing thing is lowered by the majority of users. Can't say i've had much luck with it all and often left wondering../*!??

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at July 29, 2009 10:28 PM

I have new enthusiasm in human kind There is karma in the world as if i never new it
Thank Virgo Your my bestest friend in the hole world. You have mist your calling. or have you...

Posted by: playfair67 at July 29, 2009 10:13 PM

Playfair hi mate
welcome to the club. What do you think all us lot are doing on here.
This has been talked about quite a bit,, you're not a lone. There is no excuse for an extended delay without prior notice. Anyway, think of it like this... You are already pissed off and you haven't even met yet.! Just imagine down the track when she drinks your last beer...!!

FG

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at July 29, 2009 9:42 PM

Hey peaceful,
I read that you are new to the sunshine coast. I am a Melbournian but I have three gorgeous nieces, your age, who live in Caloundra. Let me know if you would like me to connect you with them. When my marriage broke up, I had an 8 month old baby and I also moved to the coast to get away from it all...plus closer to family. It was tough going... so I empathize with you.
Stay strong,
Karen :)

Posted by: karen59 at July 29, 2009 9:34 PM

Sorry Glitter forgot the paras again !!!

Posted by: iaminperth at July 29, 2009 9:30 PM

Hey Peacefully75,

Dont get caught up with guys who haven't dealt with their issues...you are here to look after your happiness, not theirs. Lifes too short to be used as a tool for someone elses gratifications....good intentions are like arseholes...everyone has them

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at July 29, 2009 9:30 PM

I really think that issues with a past relationship is not something you want to listen to when you are considering a new relationship. Fair enough, we all have things we need to deal with but surely if you are contemplating a new relationship these things need to be done and dusted a nd put to one side for a while. I think it is sometimes used as an excuse to wimp out because of lack of personality or backbone. It didn't work, it's never going to work so work on getting a good break resolved satisfactorily but lumbering someone else with all the sordid details is tedious and boring. I just can't stand it and I find it rather offensive when someone sits down and blames all their reactions on someone else and how they perceive they have been treated. I also find it offensive as it's a one sided story with the other person having no right of reply. We're adults, we're not kids and confidential information should be shared with very close friends or family and if someone is on the dating scene then surely they are indicating by their actions they are moving forward. I just don't want to hear it, all these silly excuses for not moving along. Like the silly guy I met who couldn't cook a meal, couldn't iron his shirts because his wife always did it. He has been on his own for two years now and surely it doesn't take that time to learn to iron a shirt or cook a basic meal. Just a lazy lump who really thinks that's a woman';s job. He said he needs someone like me because I'm happy. I wonder if it crossed his mind why would I need someone like him ???

Posted by: iaminperth at July 29, 2009 9:29 PM

Thanks Virgo you are so sweet! And i really wish we all could chat not just on here its so hard...

Oh re my instincts ahh yeah he is still kinda dealing with his feelings re his ex, we just had a big chat i asked him straight out he said he is cautious wants to take things slow he made a date for a week's time.... i just don't know i am really starting to get sick of men! RSVP is annoying me!!!! Im all for getting to know someone but if there is issues it makes me want to run! Maybe i should?

Posted by: peacefuly75 at July 29, 2009 9:11 PM

Hey Kurli,
You are right, the current lot of bloggers are great! Not that I have a comparison as I am a 'newbie'. But I have to say, I love coming home from work everyday and logging in for my daily dose of wise words, encouragement... and often a good laugh from you all!
I raise my second glass (oops!) of sav' blanc to you all!!
Have a great day tomorrow guys!
Karen :)

Posted by: karen59 at July 29, 2009 7:49 PM

Hi All Well I am here again to put my 2 cents in.
It has been pissing me off to no end.
people that you think that are interested in you never seam too mail me. even when they send the first email.
Am I over reacting but feel that I should ask them what the..... is on with you. I send them stuff that has been happening with me. I get no positive feed back. O we chat soon...Soon smoon I say.
My only wish that one of my Rsvp friend would just mail me and say how is thing going. with out me prompting them.
Well that my beaf for to day. keep it real and say Hi to A RSVP friend.

Posted by: playfair67 at July 29, 2009 7:07 PM

Onemore wrote: "a guy who is gorgeous, fit and athletic, kind and warm, who walks grannies across the road, who will make a cuppa for your friends when they turn up and you arent there and listen to their problems, you deserve that kind of guys.....................and you will have to go through a lot of men who want to be that man so mcuh, they will even think they are so will tell you they are................but they arent and they dont have that strength in themselves, so they will make you feel bad about you by walking away, or not delivering and seemingly not try"

Thanks Oney! If you are not a Counsellor or Psychoanalyst - you should be!

I've certainly got my faults.

What breaks my heart the most, is the ones who don't try and just walk away and don't deliver. That really hurts. But I just don't seem to be able to find an emotionally strong man (not to be confused with emotionally sensitive man). A man that can stand and fight for what he wants and provide emotional support when I am not strong enough or too f@%d up. Even the strongest of us falter sometimes. That's when we need a good man standing beside us (this is probably just a fantasy).

Anyway.

Thanks Bob for your encouragement : ) Yes even us fairly intelligent women can get sucked in to the smooth, sweet talkers. Shit.

I've gotta go out to dinner now - nice Italian restaurant in the "Big Smoke".

Night All and sweet dreams.

Luv Glitter xo

Posted by: glitteringblue at July 29, 2009 6:52 PM

Darn Kurli, was looking forward to checking out some whitecoats!! Jo, do you need me to take you to the hospital, Aunty Nik will look after you when I've finished checking out the good doctors!!

Lovely Virgo, I think it's mutual that we all appreciate each other, as Kojak would say "who loves ya baby"!! We do.

Anyone suffering from low self esteen should get hold of some very easy to read books from the library, almost amateurish but I read them in my 30's - anything by Sark - Wild Succulent Woman is the best. All about giving yourself permission to do what you want when you want, even if that means being in pj's all weekend. A good quick read.

After losing touch with my motto in life albeit briefly this week, it is back with a vengeance "If he's not calling you then he's just not into you" - next!! Give me a kick in the butt or throw me off the bridge Bob if I ever forget it again.

Night night lovelies, early night for me tonight, was chatting to lovely friends late last night and reading blogs!! Nik x

Posted by: aloveoflife at July 29, 2009 6:51 PM

Hey Girls,

Karen speaks truely. If you have low self-esteem or self-worth, the players will pick up on that and target you as desperate for any sort of attention; but I can understand how that happens.

She also knows her stuff....looks are great, but mean little if the person behind them in shallow or has an ugly personality. Have a look at someone like Meryl Streep...hardly on of lifes beauties, but guys go barking mad over her...then you see Paris Hilton...ugly as a hatfull of arseholes; but only because of her personality!!

Lizzie,

What can I say...never was a better song written for a person; and you are right...we are all beautiful in our own way....even me; best looking gargoyle you will ever lay eyes on!!!

Bobby

Posted by: notafigjam at July 29, 2009 1:22 PM

Amber I agree with the others... there are enough people out there to put us down, we need to believe in ourselves. Can I suggest some positive affirmations for you.. for you are truly unique and have a lot to offer yourself, another and the world.

Well I've had my first RSVP chat and he turned out to be a loser too... seriosuly why pay for a stamp to make contact and then just four lines into the conversation ask what I'm wearing and if I'd like to ......... Are there any real men still left out there I ask?

Virgo it's true..you're just goregous inside and out, as was evident by you emailing me and making me feel good about myself again after so muc hrejection. I truly hope you find mr perfect4u soon.

Bob.. couldn't agree more with ur note to wifey about men and their intentions.... oh the joys of modern 'dating'.

Anyways I'm home, with the flu.... you can tell it's almsot Ekka time here in Brissy.

Jo
xo

Posted by: maybeperfect4u at July 29, 2009 12:51 PM

Hey Amber,

We are always our own harshest critic, but sometimes what we see as our faults, others see as endearing qualities.

You are a beautiful, unique person, and never forget it...there's was only ever one of you made, so be proud.

When I was first separated, my self esteem and self confidence was at an all time low..I would hide in my home, only go out at night, and that was to buy more wine to stop my pain...every night, I would play over and over again...Christine Aguileras song..."Beautiful"...to this day, if ever I have a vulnerable moment of self doubt...I listen to it...and smile...because, we are all beautiful in our own way...!!

Virgo...:) xoxo

Posted by: virgowoman2 at July 29, 2009 11:32 AM

Alol (last night)
Thanx for the offer Nik...but could think of better places for hunting & gathering VBG

Amber: just remember that what others think of you (rightly or wrongly) is their business.But dont ever put your self down....learn to LOVE yourself and you will be fine (been there done that trust me)

and yes..............the current mob of bloggers are GREAT.
Granno loves you all

Maureen

Posted by: kurli at July 29, 2009 11:19 AM

Thanks Karen,
That's a really good thought:
"I always say, there are plenty of people out there who would be quite happy to put me down... so sure as hell I ain't gonnna do it to myself!"
I think I'll hang onto that one! Brilliant!

Yes I know I am often my own harshest critic. One of those left over things from childhood that you keep trying to lose, but not always all that successfully.

You are right about self-esteem, like you it was my lack of it that kept me there many years longer than I should have stayed.
Rather an awful spiral really, the lower your self-esteem, the longer you stay, your self-esteem gets even lower, your confidence decreases......

So glad I am not there anymore! (shudder)

Posted by: amberlight58 at July 29, 2009 10:02 AM

Hey Kurli,

Hope the blogs put a smile back on your face..!!

To..Nik..Bob..FG..Ali..Onemore..Glitter..Jen..Perthy..Kaz..Unknown..Grego..Peacefuly..Amber..Sweetie..you all put a smile on my face....Thanks...!!!

Virgo...:) xo

Posted by: virgowoman2 at July 29, 2009 12:44 AM

Thank you Onemore,

Your words mean't a lot to me.

Virgo...:) xoxo

Posted by: virgowoman2 at July 28, 2009 10:02 PM

Kurli, sounds like you need Aunty Nik to drive you to the hospital, I'm in the Qld too you know. I could keep busy while you had your appointment, checking out the doctors, reporting back to my fellow bloggers.....

Posted by: aloveoflife at July 28, 2009 9:07 PM

Hey Amber,
I hear what you're saying about your ex. and your concerns about never wishing to be in that situation again. LIke you, I have been in two long term relationships that sound as if they were both similiar to your experience. What I came to realize, and I think onemore may have alluded to this in one of her insightful posts, was that my self-esteem was very low and that actually resulted in me attracting men who would treat me as nothing more than a door mat.
It has taken me a lot of years to build an unwavering inner strength and feelings of self-worth to a point where I know I will not fall into that same trap again.
I just want to address your thoughts on your appearance. While you may truly believe that you do not have the looks that cause men to fall over themselves... can I point out to you that anorexics actually truly believe that they are fat too! Whatsmore, being a "hottie" or "sexy" is more about exuding an attitude than actual "looks" per se. Attractive women are not catwalk models... they are confident women.
You need to stop being so hard on yourself Amber! I always say, there are plenty of people out there who would be quite happy to put me down... so sure as hell I ain't gonnna do it to myself!
Take care, Karen :)

Posted by: karen59 at July 28, 2009 6:26 PM

No worries Grann'o..

PS: the scones are delicious...!!! thanks, I'll take them out to the shed, just so the others can't smell the goodness...!! hehehe..:)

wish you well on your road to recovery..!

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at July 28, 2009 6:08 PM

Hey Kurli,

I think that you have missed something really important on FG's family tree....as the cool Granno, he has married you off the hip poetic grandad...Timewarp....happy anniversary!!!

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at July 28, 2009 5:45 PM

Hey Wifey (thats you Onemore in case you hadn't guessed),

I guess though that the guys that are full on out there are pretty honest...they want you for sex, and not much else. You know if they contact you, what you are up against...so, in that way, I guess they are better than the guys who disguise their intentions.

An intelligent woman should NEVER dumb herself down, if a guy cant handle that, then thats his problem...who wants to spend too much time with a brain dead bimbo (or himbo)...great to look at and play with for sure, but at the end of the day you still need to be able to have some sort of conversation together.

For me, its not about being with the woman I want to go to bed with; its about the woman that I want to wake up next to...even if it is on the couch after falling asleep with my arms wrapped around her.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at July 28, 2009 5:33 PM

You know Bob, I would love to say its a lot different, but I really dont think it is so much, from my age to yours.

I have a friend who is a 59 year old guy, he does the same thing, goes through the same rush in, back off, that most guys my age do, that was kind of disheartening for me....that at 59, people still didnt have their act together, it was a real eye opener, that people still couldnt get there is such a great thing in life that they could have, if they would be open enough to take it and ditch the egotistical, insecure stuff that makes us behave like animals and put down others as objects, something for us to use for ourselves etc.

Unfortunately, its taken a bit of a toll yes.....I agree, that was my biggest eye opener, as I had always thought, that maybe when I got into my forties that maybe, more than just the career would become more important, more than just work, more than just defining yourself, that you would know who you were be comfy and just be and be amazingly wonderful both male and female.........another fantasy story I found........its the same story you meet when you get into your thirties and beyond I find.

The one thing I learned, is good people can do bad to others, as much as bad people do.........and thats the best thing I have learned.....................it doesnt take a bad person to need you, to need to have you, or to need to have you care about them........even the best people can want to have someone care that a white lie can be told.........and sometimes, even good people fall in love with someone else, thats fine......that isnt bad, its not bad when good people fall in love with someone new........that is life.........but yes, it is bad when good people tell those white lies to use you to make them feel better.

I guess what I am trying to say is, good people can do bad.................rather than anything else, bad doesnt always come with an obvious bad man or woman

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at July 28, 2009 5:26 PM

What would I do without you wacky bunch!
Was feeling a bit blue until I started reading the blogs.

Hey FG76 be a doll and YOU use the ladder..am still a bit wonky on my pins and dont wanna undo the surgeons good work (VBG)
but I'll pass the tools and bring hot scones for you!
For the rest of the story---I think I'll wave the white flag----enjoy my own company and enjoy the crazy,and the profound I get here.

Posted by: kurli at July 28, 2009 5:25 PM

Oh and Virgo, credit where credit is due....just want to say. Me and a friend who uses this site were just chatting and I told her about you and she agreed when she checked your profile........you are absolutely stunning.

Not only that, you are grounded, intelligent, warm and kind, funny and light hearted and everything that should be what a person aspires to be.

Whilst I am also throwing them out there, Glitter, you know you are worth everything you want...........you as I said before, are intimidating as you are athletic, adventurous, open hearted, you are kind and warm too, you have this whole 'perfection' and 'good at everything' going on......so please, dont get down hearted, or feel low about yourself, just as men worry that they will fall when they try and reach you....so act like idiots, or run in fear........dont change yourself, dumb yourself down or anything of the sort........or you will end up with the wrong one when you deserve the right one..........a guy who is gorgeous, fit and athletic, kind and warm, who walks grannies across the road, who will make a cuppa for your friends when they turn up and you arent there and listen to their problems, you deserve that kind of guys.....................and you will have to go through a lot of men who want to be that man so mcuh, they will even think they are so will tell you they are................but they arent and they dont have that strength in themselves, so they will make you feel bad about you by walking away, or not delivering and seemingly not try.

A lot of you women, those even I havent mentioned are inspiring, so are some of you men, like Bob..............many learn from you, including myself......I just wanted to say that.

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at July 28, 2009 4:42 PM

Hey Onemore,

Totally agree with you on that. I like women to talk about their past..that way you really get to know them. As for the ex situation...thers always 2 sides to every story, and usually both partners were at fault in some way...even if we dont see it at the time (except for Lizzie, of course...cant imagine her being anything but great:).

On the other hand, I think that our experiences can cause us to be too defensive and too analytical; we can lose the one thing that makes relationships special...the x factor of taking a chance. So what if they are not everything we want or expect; its only a date.

You know, I can see what you are saying Onemore (god I would love a name to use), but you are a really tough little cookie and most guys would feel intimidated...not because you are too much hard work, but because you seem to have made it almost impossible for them to make any sort of impression other than bad...and thats sad; you seem like a really nice woman.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at July 28, 2009 4:37 PM

Oh and Bob,

Only just read your profile and I loved it I have to say. Although yes, its the very blunt version of what a lot of men are, it is what a lot of men are to some greater or lesser degree.

It sums up a lot of what I say:

If a man tells you he is hugely spiritual and doesnt want a woman who is neurotic, makes big things of the small things, doesnt have issues, etc etc.....it often means he is self absorbed with his own problems and wont care about hers. I saw a guys picture that appealed, clicked on it and saw this whole 'I dont give a damn about you, just care about me'.

Then of course, another one to look out for is the man who declares he likes urrrr....how do I put this so it gets posted...well it refers to the 12 and the tongue in yoru profile.......if a guy ever says that, it normally means disfunction, if you get my meaning, or more impotantly, intimacy issues, if you also get my meaning.

Most importantly, I just found it a humorous look at what most women go through.........men playing on womens insecurity, the you must be grateful for having me and put up with whatever I give you as its me and I am wonderful...which is overcompensating for their low self esteem.

The whole lack of effort is low self esteem in men, the whole chipping away at a womans self esteem is a man with low self esteem. As subtle as it may be, such as the hitting on friends, talking about other women amongst their friends, referring to women in a derogatory fashion, or a purely sexual one....is low self esteem, not confidence........so I loved your profile, as it showed that up for exactly what it is, low self esteem in men.

Never to be wanted, or try to be fixed.....a problem that should be a red flag and never approached.

If you were my age, you would be my perfect man Bob, hence am glad I am your blog wife :-)

You know, you need to find someone much more special than most women are prepared to accept, as you are prepared to give much more than most men........you are self aware......the key thing, you are comfortable in yourself, you know who you are and the rubbish that people do, is just pointless I am guessing................you are happy with you, if you find that person who gets that............absollutely brilliant, but if not...........you still have you and you havent given up a chunk of it to dumb yourself down to fit :-)

I love it and think the right woman will love it too personally

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at July 28, 2009 4:23 PM

Yeahitsme2,

Shhhhh, dont let them pick up on that

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at July 28, 2009 3:30 PM

Hey Bob,

You know what happens if you allow yourself to be an angry victim about exes.....you become so bottled up about it, you expect people to come to you.......by that I mean, the whole 'I wont open up until they do, until I am sure'...which you know, that just doesnt work, as you have to kind fo open up to see if its a fit.....so that person then becomes more and more rejected and pushed away by the opposite sex, so becomes more and more a victim, eventually ending up a self absorbed, narcissistic sociopath, who thinks the world of the opposite sex is out to get them, they are all evil, so go around controlling, manipulating others....or becoming man/woman haters, specificially on the male side where they become promiscuous.....promiscuous males are well known women haters.....its their ultimate power to have a woman in a (as they see it) degrading position where they are in control.

Peacefully.........................I think when I hear anyone say 'too complicated' I always think 'didnt listen to the signs'......when it feels complicated, when it feels like its making you frown......its your guts way of telling you to walk away, you arent happy...........it sounds hard to say dont give chances, yes give chances on the things like a guy running late, or having to cancel as something came up at work......but dont cancel on a guy making you feel a bit down, or odd about things, or something not quite feeling right......as thats then when we stick around so long we really find out just how bad it can get and we end up in pieces, exhausted and wondering what the hell happened, also may I add, wishing we had walked away on the second date, or even the first as we knew then........

Always saying...next time we will listen to our guts :-)

Oh and peacefully, if he has a healthy conversation about his ex, its not a big deal. I remember I dated this guy and his ex was amazing, she was not only stunning, she was also accomplished, a successful heart surgeon, gorgeous, together, funny, charming....the lot........so rightly so he was proud of her, as they had a daughter together and she spent half the week with him, half with her. I could have felt really inadequate and insecure, even jealous or worried he spoke about her with such affection............but actually, I chose the better way, I felt really honoured that he must have thought a lot of me to be dating me and I took it as a huge compliment.

They broke up as she fell in love with someone else.........it hurt him for a while, but then he understood and now he is in love with another wonderful and gorgeous woman. There is nothing wrong with a healthy respect for an ex, even a little sadness it didnt work out.........but its when its unhealthy, obsessive or a victim mentality, then you have to run in my view

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at July 28, 2009 2:50 PM

Hi onemore great thoughts on the ex subject, yeah he did kinda talk about it in a healthy way.. he wants kids, she doesnt... however after reading a post about sympathy i had a giggle i agree i do think alot of men want to feel hard done by it makes us women want to give them a hug and say "ahh its ok, i'll mend your broken heart " hehehee .. i tend to think with my gut if i get a feeling i listen to that! And i get mad with myself when i ignore it..

I get so exhausted emotionally mentally etc dealing with people we seem to be too damn complicated some more than others!

Posted by: peacefuly75 at July 28, 2009 1:16 PM

Hey Onemore,

Interesting your commdents on that whole "ex" conversation. In an earlier blog topic I talked about my ex and my breakup...I said she cheated on me with a friend of ours...but she was still a good person at heart. I said I wasn't the greatest husband in the world and there were faults in both sides. I got howled down by the masses because I found it in my life to understand her and hope she had a nice life because she is a good girl.

Glad to see someone else can share my feelings on this matter.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at July 28, 2009 11:00 AM

Hey Amber,

Sob story has worked for many years. Dead give-away though if two guys approach you and both have one.

One of my mates is a real pick-up artist...I can see straight through him and cant work out how women cant...he hates me calling him Sleaze Man...tough!!! He is a lovely guy in all respects, but his ultimate goal in chatting to a woman is to get her into his bed; but he knows when to back off; so guess hes not that bad. 40+ and chases the younger girls (fairly successfully one adds), but a couple have used him...and I just laugh at him....not much of a mate, but I have no sympathy when that happens...use and get used!!

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at July 28, 2009 10:55 AM

HI Glitter,

Hey, no reverse psychology at all...say what I mean and mean what I say. Like you, I dont believe that any woman (or guy) should feel like a consolation prize...how can you just walk away from someone who has gotten to you, and go to the next relationship knowing that the next one just isn't what you want?

We guys are idiots...delusions of grandeur and all of that; especially older guys, like myself, who chase younger women (and older women that chase young guys). In the words of Paul Newman "why go out for hamburger when I have steak at home"...thats how I feel...not into chasing something when there is better at home. I like women of my own age range better than any chick-babe...nothing sexier than a mature woman in her prime...wow!!! Thing is, being of equal age I am likely to stick for the long haul....you will soon grow too old for the youngsters liking (guys and girls) and they will look elsewhere (not all, but most I think).

As for looks Glitter...you scrub up OK; I dont think you have any problems in that department whatsoever...you may have though in the choice of guy though..but its easy to criticise...I'm not you. Give yourself a break...most of my friends in melbourne cant be that wrong...they are too smart and perceptive, but smooth talkers can always get under someones guard.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at July 28, 2009 10:46 AM

MkII............Bob......Had to see what all the commotion was about ,so checked out your profile.....What a PISSER ! surprised they OK'd it . onya
Cheers Rob

Posted by: yeahitsme2 at July 28, 2009 10:23 AM

Awww Glitter, thank you, thats a lovely thing for you to say :-) Although with my recent addiction to making garlic bread with my new wheat free rolls from a gorgeous bakery in Sydney I found, I am unsure any man would come near me anyway :-)

I decided to cut wheat out of my diet and since have felt wonderful, oddly a pain I always got in my shoulder also went, not sure what that had to do with wheat, but obviously something. My gym performance has shot up too.

Peacefully, your date sounded fabulous, as for the ex talk, it depends in what context in my opinion, but when you use the word victim, the red flag ears stand up.

Did you know one of the key signs of a sociopathic controlling person is to take a victim mentality to their past......not always so dont jump to conclusions, but often it means they cant see their own side of things, their own faults and can be very selfish people. Just beware if he is crossing your boundaries, or not considering what you want, your values, your desires and wants or your feelings. If he starts to push for you to let him have his way, then its time to walk away.

If he is just generally talking about his ex in a healthy way, then thats okay.........by healthy, typically 'my last relationship was x years ago, a great woman but it just didnt work out, we wanted different things' is a healthy conversation but 'my ex was a b(7ch and was a lying x and y' and did all these bad things to me...that really just equate to the fact the relationship didnt work, probably as much his fault at least, but he just doesnt see anything that doesnt suit him....then thats not healthy.

Its only one date, keep your options open, date others too.....dont focus on one guy too soon peaceful...........or you may get caught in the trap of dropping what you want to make things fit with this one guy......and we all know where that heads.

Good luck though.

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at July 28, 2009 6:14 AM

Bob,
So the 'sob story' does really work?
Poor buggers, then they just had a really bad night (and made a really bad choice in women!) Did see one of them while we were waiting for my friend's taxi, he was in front of us in the taxi rank and he was definitely going home alone.

Posted by: amberlight58 at July 28, 2009 2:28 AM

Thanks so much everyone, I did have a lovely weekend.
Except once I get the fine for the red light I ran in the city, without realising until it was too late! Just not used to so many bright lights at night, we have so few street lights in our small town!

Yeah Karen, a tad disappointed, but not too much, it's just life isn't it?
I guess I am starting to really feel now after a number of years on my own, that it would be great to have a partner.
But then, since I have been on my own, I have come to enjoy and appreciate so much, being able to make my own decisions and not feel like I always have to explain or justify myself.

I think you also know what it is like, to spend a huge number of years feeling powerless and being very aware that your feelings and needs don't matter to your significant other at all.
Once you finally get away from those feelings, you never want to go to that place again!

I found the hardest thing to accept was that I actually thought that I did have a fairly 'equal' relationship.
It was really only towards the end, after a male counsellor had pointed out to me bluntly, how disrespected I really was and after an attempt by me to assert myself, actually daring to move my desk into the corner of the lounge room, during my holidays while he was at work (as I could no longer get to it for all his stuff in the study) provoking such extreme rage and screaming vitriol because I had "no right to" do that without asking him first, that I finally realised just how bad things were.

Now I have my own house and it is so nice to be able to actually re-arrange something without feeling I have to explain.
And actually buy and do something for me, without feeling guilty!
But it has taken a long time to be able to do that.
And now I need to accept that I will find it very difficult to be that vulnerable with someone again.

I would love a partner, but could I ever actually live with someone again? I honestly don't know.
And how many men would be happy living in separate houses?
I think most men would be too insecure to have a relationship like that, to be brutally honest.

And I also think I may always have that ongoing fear, that if I give an inch, will he just expect to then take a mile?

I don't think that these issues would rule me out as being a good partner at all, but I have to accept that I will never be the ideal partner that the MAJORITY of men seem to be looking for.
Add that to the fact that I am not a 'hotttie' in the looks department, I'm okay but I simply don't have the kind of looks that make men fall over to try to be exactly what I want (And I don't feel I am putting myself down at all, it is simply an honest assessment) add the slight spark of 'chemistry' bit I need as well and I am not sure I have too big a choice!

Karen, I also think I know a little of how you might be feeling.
Being "put on hold" is not a nice feeling, but does he really know what he wants anyway? He is proabaly an okay guy, but he maybe still fancies his chances with the 25 year olds? Or stilll holds a candle for an ex?
You are right, you don't deserve to be "put on hold" for anyone, he's just not ready for you at this stage in his life. And you value yourself far too much to be seen as the consolation prize!
Maybe "Mr Big Red Flag Man" was just trying to be cool. Now he has now gone the other way. I guess maybe some guys just aren't meant to win?

Thanks for your lovely words, I think you are a great person too.
Maybe I won't really give up, just perhaps 'rest' for a while, you know too much 'floating' across guys' windows gets a bit boring!

Perth,
Have to agree with Glitter, a few separate paragraphs would make things so much easier to read! (I like reading your comments too)

Bob,
Are you sure you're not trying reverse psychology? The 'me' of 10 or 20 years ago would not have been able to resist!
Nothing like a guy who sounds like he just needs a 'good woman' to love him!

Jen,
Have to agree about the lessons in life; it's just that occcasionally a really nice lesson would be nice instead! :)

Posted by: amberlight58 at July 28, 2009 2:13 AM

Hi Glitter,

I am nothing if not honest. What I say is what I believe...I dont really care what other people think of that. Nice guys finish last, but if thats what I am, then thats where I will finish. I am no doormat, but I do believe that women are worthwhile and worthy of being treated as special...so shoot me!!!!

I did have a look at the Bastard Family portraits...some I didn't need to view because I know what they look like. I had a loo at FG too, just to see what the fuss is about...if I'm his dad or brother all I can say is "a chip off the old block"!!!

As far as relationships concerned...no, all over for me..I shall remain happily alone (as I have been for years).

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at July 27, 2009 11:49 PM

Thanks Perth!! If you can just put a few para's in there if would help me a lot to read your thoughts : ))

Yeaahhh, he's alright . . ..for a tradie . . .

Posted by: glitteringblue at July 27, 2009 10:34 PM

Oh okay Glitter, that's fine. I just type as I think and didn't bother with paragraphs but I will if it irritates you. I just hadn't thought about it previously but I realise it could be a bit annoying especially when I am rambling on a bit.

FG is a good egg though! what do you think ?

Posted by: iaminperth at July 27, 2009 9:58 PM

Bob-bey, don't be like that. Makes me sad : ( (done n dusted . . ) Don't give up papa bear, there's a mama bear out there that'll scratch your tummy at the end of a long day : ))

Posted by: glitteringblue at July 27, 2009 9:47 PM

Bob. Have you been sneaking a look at my profile, while I haven't been looking? . . .You know we are both currently in Sydney . . .? (just starting rumours hehe . . )

Posted by: glitteringblue at July 27, 2009 9:20 PM

Hello little family (well, I wasn't included in that, but I'll let that slide) . . . FG, are you pissed?

Amber, I'm sorry it didn't work out, but you had a "feeling" didn't you? At least you got that glorious time at the art gallery.

Oney, you say all the things I think in the deep recessed of my mind - thank you, I think. You are one switched on lady and I know that once a guy has got you, he's got a loyal, loving, fun and interesting partner - a lucky guy, if only they could see the rewards that are lying in wait for them . . . good luck girlfriend. Tough as boots, yet brittle as pressed flowers : ))

Bob, you seem so good on paper . . . are you that nice in real life? No seriously, you speak many truths - "men who like helpless women have control issues" OMG that is so true. Much to my disgust, I have felt the need to dumb myself down on lots of occasions, so as not to offend the boyfriend - yuk! Shouldn't they be proud of their smart and capable woman? I hate the fact that I've had to make out I am less than I am for a man to like me - I guess that's what you call "low self-esteem".

Dearest Virgo, you flatter me. I am not the fairy godmother, I am the white witch using my powers this lifetime for good and not evil, although, at times, I am tempted . . .

Perth. I've wanted to say this to you for over a year now. Put some bloody paragraphs in you're posts - they are impossible to read as one solid block. Really. I mean that - just press enter once in a while. (said with love, of course).

Just shootin' the breeze tonight.

Glitter xo

Posted by: glitteringblue at July 27, 2009 9:11 PM

Hi Nik,

You are miles off....my care factor about relationships now is zero...done and dusted...and never again

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at July 27, 2009 8:50 PM

Hi Onemore,

No worries anymore...you have a hubby now; when do all the "benefits" start kicking in...not here for a haircut?!!

As a big cuddly bear,all I need i for you to scratch my belly a bit after a night out...how easy is THAT for a reward.

The thing is, if a guy loves you...you are his reward, we dont need anything else, just you.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at July 27, 2009 8:42 PM

Hi Amber,
I was thinking of you over the weekend. I am sorry to here that he turned out to be a jerk... but pleased to hear you had ensured your weekend was full of lots of other lovely things to do. I am guessing, if you are anything like me, that you felt an element of disappointment .... I am reading between the lines regarding your thoughts on giving RSVP a rest for a while. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. I have recently been corresponding with someone who absolutely ticked all the boxes... we share a lot in common and his emails combined just the right mix of interest, consideration, respect and humour. I was feeling very positive. We had exchanged phone numbers and his enthusiasm lead me to believe he would call soon. Today, I recieved an email that, when you read between the lines, indicated that I am being put on hold while he explores another option. Maybe I am to proud for my own good, but I don't like being put on hold. And b**ger me if I didn't receive an email of at least 2x A4 pages from the "red flag control man" virtually begging me to give him a go. Sounded very desperate and disconcerting.
So... I am feeling a little disillusioned at this point.
BUT don't give up! I think you are a wonderful person and some day good things will come your way!
And Bob... you are every womans dream... I agree with Jen ... What is with the wording on your profile? Although, you really have offended some of us by not including us in your family tree!!! ;)

Posted by: karen59 at July 27, 2009 6:50 PM

Who says dating is hard? I post some posts on here and bam, I end up with Bob as my husband, no drama, no politics, no messy dating and wondering........how easy was that :-)

You know, I am the absolute equality girl, I believe 50% of stay home parents should be men, but you know, there is so much debate about people paying for dates, holding doors open etc.............I have always and I think most people regardless of gender would agree, opened doors for people, I dont even think thats a gender thing, its a manners thing. Plus yes, just as its lovely one night for me to be special, another night I would make it the guys special night.

I love thoughtfulness, someone wanting to do nice things for me and in return, me wanting to and getting huge amount of smiles for doing something great for my guy, his favourite restaurant, a weekend away to a place he talked about going as a child, that kind of thing.

The awful thing is I havent even been able to meet a guy who can get past thinking this is too much work and I must be some princess for wanting it.

Bah humbug :-)

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at July 27, 2009 6:46 PM

Hi All i'm home... what's for dinner mum...!!
MUM: "make it yourself, i'm busy with your new farther"
FG: sorry bro close the door..
Bro: Better not be a Queenslander...!!
Ring Ring...
Perthy: i'll get it. Might be the cleaner...? Thought i dialed a 1900 number..??? Oh well can't please em all..., he'll do..:)
knock Knock...
Kurli: Need to borrow a ladder..
FG: Sure Grann'o in the shed.
Onemore: Mad house.........!
Neighbours: YEP.

Hi Kurli
For me, occumpianing a woman all glambed up stepping out in the city, enjoying her faminity makes me feel like a true gentleman at times. Everynow and then i like to feel the romance alive and well.
On the other hand i'm an active person and to me if my partner can't lift or pass tools or assemble things (tho no chance of that on a new shoe rack) i find it all one way going and get no satisfaction. I like to see someone having a go, even if the instruction manual is not the easiest to read.. !
So for me women that are handy make the better partner.

Oh shiza i forgot sweetmixture
SweetMixture: bad FG spank.

Posted by: feelgood76 at July 27, 2009 6:25 PM

I'm happy to have you and Jen as my sisters Virgo!! We can all give FG a pinch on the cheek as all good Aunty's do!!

Jen, Bob is about to throw off his armour, and lower the drawbridge over the moat - time to let someone into your life Mister.

Amber at least you gave it a go but at the end of the day you had doubts so that niggling little feeling proved right - gut instinct - my motto "if in doubt don't". Glad you had a nice time at the Gallery, it's such a nice way to spend a few hours.

Nik x

Posted by: aloveoflife at July 27, 2009 6:22 PM

Hi Bob,
Read your advice and like Jen, like the way you think. But am confused! I always offer to go dutch on the first date not to prove that I'm independent, but because I don't feel that it should always be the guy who has to pay. Imagine the poor guy who only goes on first dates - he'd be broke! I have never had a guy decline the offer.
Should we women not be offering to pay our own way?
Ali

p.s. bring on more soapboxes...

Posted by: ali1974 at July 27, 2009 5:57 PM

Hey Jen,

You read my new profile....what do you think...chicky-babe magnet material???

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at July 27, 2009 5:43 PM

Bob - I like the way you think and it is just lovely to be treated by a man like that.

Now... what's this though about not looking anymore? And what's with the wording on the profile now? eeeekk.

Some woman has to find you sometime. You deserve and so will she.

Jen

Posted by: jen234 at July 27, 2009 5:02 PM

FG76 @ 8.27pm Sunday: Cool Granno?? You really cracked me up lol
Can you imagine the family reunion :-)
Would we be the Brady Bunch or the Beverly Hillbillies?

Real 1969.....Like you I prefer to be treated as a lady..with courtesy. But am also capable of "fixing"/assembling if necessary.
I think that what does get up a lot of male noses is the woman daring to have an independent thought.
Maybe Bob and FG can enlighten us (pretty pleez guys)

Amber...glad you had a goodweegend!

Posted by: kurli at July 27, 2009 3:55 PM

Hi Girls,

Jeezzz, I'm on a roll and on my bloody soapbox for us guys here....

Its not the fact that I am fabulously wealthy and that I can afford to do this that makes you special...its that I am NOT fabulously wealthy, and I cant always afford it...but I do it anyway...THATS what makes you special!!! Its about being prepared to make some kind of sacrifice to be with you that matters; if I sacrifice nothing, how can you be special?

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at July 27, 2009 3:29 PM

Hi All,

You can tell I'm still on holidays from work and looking for diversion.....try and shut me up now!!

One other thing about independent women and men feeling needed (and again, a personal perspective); I get it that you have your own money, you want to pay your own way and you dont want to feel that there are strings attached to a date but..

I like to take women out to dinner or for drinks...or anywhere they like...and I like to pay. There are no strings attached, there is no compromise to your independence...I do it because, if I ask you out, then you are special to me...and I like you to feel special. The key for women in understanding guys is to know their motivation (eg are they looking for payback in the cot?); but mine is to feel good about myself because I make you feel special (and I think a few other guys think this way as well).

For a guy like me, overcoming this hurdle is really difficult....I know women want their independence, but please...throw guys like me a bone!!

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at July 27, 2009 3:18 PM

Hi Real1969,

As a guy speaking I can only tell you what I think; but everyone is different.

Presentation - Be yourself, state who you are, what you seek in a partner (especially if its only a part-timer you seek). A very close woman friend of mine has told me that she doesn't want a full-time partner; but she wants someone to call her own....a guy that will be true and faithfill to her, and her alone. She doesn't want someone to live with 24/7, but to be hers 24/7, because she will be his. Basically, she is looking for someone with equal expectations in the relationship, otherwise it wont work.

If this is what you want, this is what you say you want...you attract the right type to you (you will always attract users...you cant avoid that), the genuine guys that want the same thing.

Independence - great attribute in anyone, male or female, but most guys do feel that they need to be needed (as compared to you being "needy")....if you dont need me then what do I have to offer you?

I think you seem to have the right attitude, you like to be treated as someone special, but its all about feeling special, not about being helpless...I get that. So, the guy feels needed because he makes you feel special; you are still independent and not a "needy" person.

So, there you have it, from my perspective, honesty profile spells out exactly what you want so you attract those genuine guys that are looking for the same. Independent attitude, but the guy feels needed simply by the fact that he does things for you that make you feel special rather than just does things for you because you are helpless.

Beware the guys that like helpless women, because they tend to have a big control issues.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at July 27, 2009 3:01 PM

Hey Jen,

I'm happy to have you and Nik as sisters....I don't have any...so is it okay if I come over and we do the sister thing....:)

FG,

I'm not sure who your Dad is, but it doesn't matter anyway...:)

Mum...:) xoxo

Posted by: virgowoman2 at July 27, 2009 2:23 PM

Hey FG,

What about Glitter.....she's the beautiful Fairy Godmother.....!!!

Mum....:) xoxo

Posted by: virgowoman2 at July 27, 2009 1:51 PM

Hi Amber - Thanks for letting us know. I'm sorry it didn't got so well with the guy. But at least you can put it down to experience. And good for you for at least giving it a chance. All lessons hey?

The nightclub thing - yep agree with you. Certainly not for me either. A venue with some live music is good, but then again I still always like to be with a friend or a date.

Glad in the most part you got to have a fun weekend. Same old - Same old can get boring hey?

Jen

Posted by: jen234 at July 27, 2009 12:43 PM

Hi Virgo , thanks for thinking of me you are so sweet, its nice to know you care, and yep the date was good, we walked along the pathway at the beach, walked talked for ages, my feet got blisters ... it was nice date he bought me a coffee and offered to push the pram , while i juggled my daughter on my hip we then went to the park so she could play... he seems very nice however i hope he is over his ex, talked a bit about her, hmmm any tips on how i should handle that, actually most men have talked about their ex's with me i find it a bit much lots of baggage ... i guess we all have some, its hard though to get to know someone in the present moment when all they seem to want to do is discuss the past and kinda paint themselves as the victim...
am i being too cynical?

ps.. he did ask if he could see me again, he said he will call me in a couple of days..

pss do you think there is any chance he could read this oh how funny !!
oh and yes i did smile

Posted by: peacefuly75 at July 27, 2009 12:30 PM

Oh, forgot also P.S. Works full time in a very successful job to enable trips overseas, dining out etc and owns his own home as I do. Pretty much equal on the dollar value I think which is also sometimes a bit of a worry nowadays.

Posted by: iaminperth at July 27, 2009 12:30 PM

I am not quite getting the 'meeting in a sleazy bar' thing or 'walking out after half a drink'. Surely, there have been telephone conversations prior to meeting which give enough insight into the type of person each is. I think a lot of insight can be gained during an initial telephone conversation and subsequent others prior to meeting to remove the sleazies from the list. It is easy enough, over the telephone to say no nicely and let it go at that without meeting and surely gut instinct kicks in somewhere along the line. I had a serious of telephone calls, fun calls with a great guy, witty, intelligent and great sense of humour. I was feeling pretty positive until I realised no matter what time of the day or night he rang, he had been drinking. Turns out, he starts, just with a little one, of course, about 11a.m. and continues thru till he falls asleep. For me, that is a no no, don't go there. I know that after a little while it would annoy me and I would see it as so weak and me, not being Mother Theresa or another adults mum, decided not to go there. Shame really, he's a fabulous guy, just fallen a bit of a victim to the grog.

Posted by: iaminperth at July 27, 2009 12:27 PM

Yikes FG, what an awful tag! I actually am a MIL and he's not too mad on me because I always have a house full of teenagers and animals and too much food. Plus, most of the time when home I am digging in the garden and messing around looking a total mess. They complain about the noise, the lack of anything 'healthy' to eat and the 'losers' who visit. Oh, and apparently my house is not clean enough either, which is probably true at times. Oh well, each to their own. I cooked a beautiful lasagne with a tossed green salad. They ate the salad, we ate the lasagne. Oh well can't please everyone all the time.

Posted by: iaminperth at July 27, 2009 11:29 AM

Hey FG,

Mate, should have me as the dad...apparently I'm a bastard too (in fact we could be The Bastards....a family of misfits who only communicate be email; live completely separately and pour crap on anyone outside the family)...after all, I am a guy, and aren't we all?!! Lizzie as my mum just doesn't work...she would have to be about 110 years old!!!

I just thought, as the brother, that means Onemore is my missus...woohooo, big bear alert Onemore!!!

Hi Amber,

The sob story is a pretty standard pick-up technique...women are nuturing...still only want sex, just a means to an end.

Nightclubbing is all about the pick-up for most guys (and women, though few will admit it); not a place to go if you are looking for anything serious...sometimes it can happen, but very rarely. I go out with my mates sometimes to nightclubs myself, but not interested in pick-ups, but I do like to talk to women....most of them are much too young for my tastes anyway, but nice to chat to; especially when they realise you are not hitting on them.

Like you, I am now here only to chat to my friends here and through the direct email. I am finished with looking for someone as a partner.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at July 27, 2009 10:52 AM

amberlight58 at July 27, 2009 12:03 AM

Hahahahaha, I laughed so much. Mother me Theresa just came back again, it is in fact what they are looking for, just sex isnt enough, they want a whole counselling session too, for you to listen to their heartbreak about how mummy didnt love them enough, daddy didnt approve and how their exes cheated and ran off with next doors cocker spaniel.....then try and go at your leg like a rampant puppy dog with erectile disfunction.

Bob, you know I dont mind being frustrated.......I am the easiest person in the world to snap out of things as at heart, I am a big kid, so any man who can make me laugh, or bring me one of my favourite chocolate bars is guaranteed a smile and a hug, I cant hold onto bad feelings. There are much worse things in the world your partner can be than frustrating, frustrating would be the least of my worries.........so long as he was kind and warm and smiley and enjoyed me for just who I am, as you say, doesnt want to change who I am, calm me down, make me more traditional woman etc.

real1969 at July 26, 2009 11:43 PM You will enjoy this one..................I had an ex boyfriend of mine add me on facebook a while ago and apologised to me for being such a bad boyfriend for the four and a half years we lived together. I asked him why he felt he was a bad boyfriend, he replied 'as I went out to watch footie, went out with my friends to the pub etc, did my own things'. I told him I went out with my friends, was running and growing a business, spent a lot of time in London socialising with my friends and colleagues, so we had an equal relationship, he was a great boyfriend. He then told me I had to change if I wanted to find a man, that men wanted women who would sort them out............women who would stay home and raise the kids, cook, clean and organise the house, that men werent good at those things, so the women had to do them, men were only good for going out to work and earning the money. I couldnt believe I was ever with the guy, but then it wasnt hte case when he lived with me, he did more housework than me as he was home more than I was, I earned more than him.........but apparently thats why I am single, as men apparently dont want that.........they want Mother Me Theresa.

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at July 27, 2009 10:26 AM

Amber - How did it go? I'm sure most of us are curious.

Jen

Posted by: jen234 at July 27, 2009 9:48 AM

Nik - Are we happy to be Aunties? lol.

So Feelgood - Are you going to come to Melbourne for a family reunion one day?

Jen (Not fair he picked Virgo as the mum. lol)

Posted by: jen234 at July 27, 2009 9:46 AM

Hi all,
Just thought I'd fill you in. Decided I would meet him, as Jen suggested, what did I really have to lose? I didn't bother pushing for the photo.
I was going to Adelaide anyway as some of my workmates and I were going to a Christmas in July dinner and show on Saturday night and I had already decided to stay overnight. Had already planned to visit Ikea (been in Adelaide for the last 3 years or so, but I've never been there!) and also visit the SA Art Gallery (Master's Landscapes exhibition on until September), just to treat myself.
So after he texted me again on Saturday morning, I finally agreed to meet him at the cafe in the Art Gallery at 1130 am this morning, for a coffee.
And guess what? HE cancelled 3 hours beforehand!
Apparently according to his text, he had met his ex at a dinner last night and they have decided to give it another go!
At least he had the courtesy to let me know, I suppose!

Actually it didn't surprise me at all. His unwillingness to give me an email address and send me that less blurry photo made me think he wasn't all that "fair dinkum" anyway.
Thanks Karen, I know exactly what you meant, so I wasn't about to go all that way into Adelaide to meet him unless I was already heading that way.

It does make you wonder how often dating sites are actually used nowadays to get back a partner who has left or is on the verge of leaving.
I guess having got me to commit to meeting him, he could then 'prove' to his ex he was moving on without her.
Nothing like the thought of your ex maybe having someone else waiting 'in the wings' (the old "I'm not sure I want him/her but I don't want them with anyone else either!") to make you reconsider your decision!

For him, it is much easier with internet stuff these days to pretend to have to have found someone "new", not like in the old days when you really would have to go out and find someone for REAL!
Or of course, he may have still been with his 'ex' and contemplating a fling, but got cold feet at the last minute.
Either way it doesn't matter. I wished him all the best and told him I was glad I could be of assistance.
It's funny really, without ever meeting him, I obviously influenced his life!

I guess it also a reminder for all of us, that just because someone says they weren't or even were not ever married, doesn't mean they weren't committed to their ex, they just weren't married to them!
I guess this is where we can get hung up about separated married people not having worked through things and being ready for a new relationship, without really thinking about those who can technically say they are single, but really have just as many issues as the recently separated married person.
They are just in more denial!

Anyway, I had a lovely time in Adelaide, bought myself a new computer desk (I did put the last one from Big W together guys!) and spent nearly 4 hours in the Art Gallery, with no one to complain I was taking too long or to complain about being bored!
Bliss!
I also finally did the "clubbing" thing with a friend post the dinner and show last night.
And I hated it!
My friend insisted we had to dance, (apparently you aren't supposed to sit down?) even though we'd danced all night at the other show and my feet were killing me! When finally even she decided she HAD to sit down, we were approached by two guys in their 40s.
And it was rivetting conversation! They had such sad stories on where their life was at the moment. I can only think that such 'hard luck' stories must have worked in the past.......
Sadly they were out of luck. Twenty-plus years living with someone whose main topic of conversation was how bad his life/work was, has kind of made me an extremely unsympathetic person!

Geez, it is even worse than it was when I was a young woman, now the guys want sex AND sympathy!
At least back then, it was just sex, now that want counselling thrown in for free as well!
Oh and then there was the guy while I was waiting with my friend for a taxi, who suddenly had to go once I told him I still had a child at home!

I am sure it is quite different for the young ones, but I fail to see how any older woman could possibly think that she would meet anyone capable of a real relationship, out night-clubbing!
I guess my friend will go back again, she is forever the optimist, but I won't bother.

Think I might give the RSVP thing the flick for a while as well (maybe just blog). At least meeting someone through your circle of friends you do have a chance of having an idea where a bloke is at with his life!
Trouble is most of my friends are married and most of their friends are too. So it's not looking too promising there.
However, I started my uni course last month and it's proving to be fairly daunting so maybe that's enough for now.

Not too concerned, what's meant to be, will be as they say.

Posted by: amberlight58 at July 27, 2009 12:03 AM

Hi all you guys out there. I recently had a dinner party & invited two married couples that are good friends, we talk about pretty much anything. We spoke about 'Independant women' & what my male friends percieved to be the right way to 'present' myself on a dating site, etc.

I have another female friend that encounters the same dilemma.... please tell me if I am at all wrong...but?....

Are men turned off by 'independant women? Why?'

My male friend is old fashioned, as I am & I like to be treated like a lady & so forth...., but I also like to 'nut out' how to fix things, etc...& dont fall apart at the seems if I dont spend every waking moment with a partner... does that really make men feel like they have nothing to offer?....

Anyone?????.........
Cheers
Amber

Posted by: real1969 at July 26, 2009 11:43 PM

Hi Peacefuly,

I've been thinking about your date all evening.....how did it go, was he nice company, where did you go, did he make you smile....ooh....the suspense is killing me....hope you had a great time...:)

Amber,

How did you go with your guy, did you decide to meet...did you recognise him, was he nice...?

Girlfriends...you rock....!!

Luv Virgo...:) xo

Posted by: virgowoman2 at July 26, 2009 9:55 PM

Hey Onemore,

There you go....find a big soft-hearted, kind, warm, laid back sort of guy that will love you for who you are. If he is all that, then the fact that you may not be will not bother him at all...in fact he may frustrate the hell out of you at times, but you will at least know that he loves you for you.

I have plenty of friends...not so many women friends though...so came on here specifically to meet women for friendships and outings in Sydney. Found one here, but others interstate....one in particular whom I have only known for a short time; but see her as a serious friend.

The point is I guess, is that you never know from where your next great relationship will come but, for me, the great surprise has been that special people in your life can be complete strangers whom we may never have met but for RSVP.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at July 26, 2009 8:46 PM

Hey, our Bob is back...yayyyyyyyy..!!!

awww Virgo that's beautiful.... Like one big happy family...
Bob the older brother
Virgo mum
Onemore sister in law
Kurli the cool grann'o
Ali sis
Timewarp the hip poetic grandad
Jen and Nik the arnty's
Unknown the uncle and sorry Perthy... you get the mother in law role..!!

PS: tell em if they mess wit U they mess wit the whole family....:))))

PPS: I have no farther... hang on ...? that makes me a barstard...! LOL

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at July 26, 2009 8:27 PM

Hey Lizzie,

Missed you too.....see that you have been upsetting a few grumblebums...good!!!

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at July 26, 2009 8:24 PM

I'm with all you lot... What happens at work stays at work.. though me being a tradie i'm constantly receiving calls, quotes meeting clients ect... so work is always with me to some degree. Come friday night tho... phone goes on silent--- (well there is some exceptions..:)
I find a good relaxing surf clears the mind of clutter ready to be filled again the follwing week...! If i don't get a salt water fix of some sort i go even loopier... !!!

I once went on a date with a work a holic... She was constantly on the phone organising her week. left me hanging while she made phone calls all night. I was polite, but i'm a bloke that sticks by his word. And if we organise a date i expect the time chosen to be a date, not a seminar listening to Blab...
Talk the ears of an elephant.

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at July 26, 2009 8:11 PM

Hi FG,
Nope, not a footballer, a little confused about how a footballer came into it...lol but happy to wrestle for the ball with the right opponent ;-)
Ali

Posted by: ali1974 at July 26, 2009 8:04 PM

Hey Bob,

I agree, I am a professional, very senior and I would happily date someone who earned peanuts if they enriched my life and at least kept it the same level of content it is right now. I typically go for very soft hearted, kind, warm, laid back men, big softies so to speak, witty but not over the top, but very warm and considerate.........funnily, areas I could myself improve on, its my gap, its where that fits well for me as I like being warmed up a bit :-)

On the dating front, really I am not inspired to go out there and meet anyone and haven't been yet. If I had a choice to either go and meet a perfect stranger just for the fun of it, I would quite rather go and have dinner with one of my friends, or go ride rollercoasters or be equally childish (I too am a big kid once business head comes off).

Posted by: onemoreoption37 at July 26, 2009 6:54 PM

Hey, our Bob is back...yayyyyyyyy..!!!

The traveller has returned from his sojourn up North....we've missed you, it hasn't been the same here...now we're back to full crew...!!!

Missed you Boof.....Virgo...:)))))))))

Posted by: virgowoman2 at July 26, 2009 6:53 PM

Unknown...perhaps selective is a better word to use...and, your very welcome...

Virgo...:)

Posted by: virgowoman2 at July 26, 2009 6:46 PM

I'm the same work is work and home is home although I have to admit after a really long day I like to go out into the garden for about 15 minutes just to wander and get the noise of the day out of my head. That's not very often though as I purposely leave work behind where it belongs, at work. I like people to be themselves as that is how you really get to know them and I think relaxed people are usually quite good fun. Nothing worse than being with someone who tries to put others down in order to elevate their own status. Sad really as it must be so hard constantly being with someone you don't really like.

Posted by: iaminperth at July 26, 2009 6:30 PM

Ali, I think we all do that really, well nearly all. There are times to be serious, times to have fun, it's called balance as you would well know. The problems come if you meet a person with rigid ideas of what is their interpretation of right and wrong and try to impose their will. That's called a control freak !!

Posted by: iaminperth at July 26, 2009 6:12 PM

HI Ali
Your not a footballer by any chance..!?!

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at July 26, 2009 5:49 PM

Hi Nik/Ali,

I take 2 things seriously in life...my friendships and my job. I am extremely professional at work (though still manage to have a joke when the occasion arises). My friends (and I mean friends, not acquaintances) are special people to me; women friends especially so (I am very protective of them...in a good way).

Separation of work and play (or work and relationship), to me, is extremely important. If you take "work" home and "home" to work, you risk both. I refuse to work at home, thats for the office, and once I leave, I am gone.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at July 26, 2009 5:42 PM

Hi Onemore,

Agree with you,but nothing from Bliss...if you live life by putting people into boxes, you will be boxed up yourself.

As for dating....hey, just go out and have a bit of fun...nothing permanent about that, not as if you are arranging your engagement or marriage. I have been on a few dates; both know no strings attached, just two people meeting for the pleasure of the company. I have met 2 women; one in Sydney, whom I see fairly regularly...we go to lunch and talk and have some laughs. There is nothing in it, but a developing friendship...I'm not her cup of tea, nor she mine. Another I have met from interstate who I think is just a brilliant woman (as in great all round person). We are developing our friendship even though only met once.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at July 26, 2009 5:32 PM

Alove, I'm like you. In my professional role I represent the interests of a number of people and have to behave to a high standard. I'm quite comfortable with being 'that' professional. However, in my own time my friends and I can carry on like kids on Christmas morning, have either serious or SATC-type conversations, make stupid jokes, share honest opinions or jump around a room playing wii. It's fabulous! Wouldn't have it any other way!
Ali

p.s. would love to know your friends insight to the blogs and the profiles... ;-) oooh that would be fun to hear, lol.

Posted by: ali1974 at July 26, 2009 5:15 PM

Hi Perthy,

Yeah, I know a few of those guys myself....god help them if the wife leaves or they lose the girlfriend. I just dont understand people of either gender who dont want to learn to fend for themselves. The feeling that being independent gives you is great.

As for older guys chasing younger women; I am not interested in younger women..I like women my own age or thereabouts. Older women chasing younger guys...good luck to them too, but dont come crying that he dumped you after a while...you are a fantasy being lived out...that fades and dies and you are left with nothing...unless all you want is sex; then fine, enjoy.

Nik,

I am with you...life is not a job interview, love and romance certainly isn't...the whole concept espoused by Blissmaster sounds about as romantic, passionate and beautiful as an autopsy

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at July 26, 2009 5:03 PM

Bliss, the only thing i disagree on is when you make the comment, money doesn't marry bogan.

Okay, in the high level standard form, money marries money, looks marries looks, intellect marries intellect, values marry values etc.

However, there is also trade that goes on between these. Whether it be the older less attractive for the younger more attractive, there is a trade, often money, security etc, but its never the phyiscal attraction.

So there is crossover, when someone lacks something, like someone lacking in age, looks etc, they will trade their money so that the more attractive/younger will be with them and forego the physical attraction and chemistry.

Oh and Bob..........absolutely right, I think there are screamingly obvious things, such as a friend of mine who was asked to meet a guy from the site at a casino bar.......I mean for me that said enough about the type of guy he was, asking a woman to meet him in a sleazy bar. What you think you are worth and willing to accept is what guys will offer often.

A man may treat one woman like something he rented off a street corner, then treat another like a princess....all based on her body language and how she acts, insecurity often comes over as acted subtle but as subtle as a sledgehammer sexuality.

I have stopped feeling guilty about leaving dates after half a drink because he asks questions that I deem sleazy and inappropriate, as staying