RSVP Blog

Hi Cheeky....I have no idea how they could leave the country so quickly, but I guess there are ways and means to exit quick smart....they will always be looking over their shoulders in fear that they will be found ...and I'm sure one day their past, or someone from it will catch up with them...Karma...!!

Virgo.

Posted by: virgowoman2 at May 26, 2009 7:26 AM

Nothing gets reprinted, we are not writing a book, it's a blog.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 25, 2009 11:15 PM

Surely something that has gone to print - can be re-printed. Part of what he said at the time made a bit of sense.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at May 25, 2009 8:24 PM

You already know that Marcus can't, so why ask the question.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 25, 2009 6:17 PM

Take no notice SM, the third date thing is so laughable, it's ridiculous. If anyone tried to push me into something I didn't want to do there would be some serious ramifications I can tell you. And if I was categorised in that way I would be totally offended. I am sure SM you will not meet anyone as ridiculous as that who thinks that way and if you do, tell them to get over themselves and get rid of them in a hurry. How absurd to think that one individual would want to manipulate another in that way for their gain, or their supposed gain as I can think of nothing that would be more of a waste of time and energy and really demeaning to both parties. I mean "line up, line up, one two three bonk, one two three, bonk, and around we go, one two three, bonk! double ewwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!

Posted by: iaminperth at May 25, 2009 6:14 PM

Hi Virgo......yes it is sad . Just heard the scum involved have allready fled to Thailand and they say we might not get them back because there's no extradition treaty in place. How did they get out of the country so fast ?!
Cheeky

Posted by: mrcheekyone at May 25, 2009 5:14 PM

Quote" by iaminperth
If it were me SM, I would firstly ask the older daughter to not yell as she should know better and then I would ask her for suggestions on another way to meet someone. Or, and I would ask this also, does she expect you to spend the rest of your life on your own. I think she needs to 'get real' and instead of being condescending maybe make some suggestions for your future. If she cannot, then my suggestions would be more or less to put up or shut up, not quite in those words but that would be the meaning.

I ought to show my daughter this but I honestly don't think it would make any difference. I agree with everything you said there though "iaminperth"

Posted by: completegent1 at May 23, 2009 11:02 PM

No completegent1, I probably would not do that on the street but appreciate what you had to say (I am hopeless when it comes to being forward with men, blushes)

Something you said about younger women wanting gents to be tall. I actually have been very impressed by how so many men are really tall!! Mind you anyone over 5ft 2inches is taller than me hehehe! However I have been noticing many of the men that are looking at my profile are 5ft11 or more. Wow! For me that is really really tall!!

Damn!! I did not realise that this "3rd date thing was being explained in here!! I just left a post in " • Is it cheating if I date more than one person at a time?" asking about that very thing! Now I feel really silly but just wanted to know more about where this 3rd date "bonking" had come from (blushes)!

Posted by: sweetmixture at May 25, 2009 4:45 PM

Hi Cheeky...how sad is that...our society is so different now, that would never have happened 20 years ago....you have to be so careful now...just makes you shake your head in disbelief....:(

Virgo.

Posted by: virgowoman2 at May 25, 2009 12:50 PM

Co-inside? OMG! How did I write that? Sorry guys. Coincide. Sheesh! My excuse I was in a hurry this morning. lol.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at May 25, 2009 12:13 PM

Yes, the third date rubbish has been floating around forever due to a couple of guys thinking they were being wimps,or something like that, or rather scared of being wimps, or were wimps, or trying to prove something, or thinking that they controlled all situations. I don't know, it was so silly and there was lashings written about it, on and on and on...............or was it that if they didn't keep to this rule they would be seen as wimps. All sounded rather revolting to me that someone would base their life on numbers rather than feelings. Also totally obscene as one guy was always bragging about having over 300 dates or something, ewwwwwwwww!!!

Posted by: iaminperth at May 25, 2009 11:02 AM

I think that is one of the worst feelings of all when you are feeling lonely and alone with a partner. It sort of takes away your self confidence and the mixture of emotions can be quite overwhelming I think. However, being alone by yourself is a whole different game as you have to be self confident and active to survive, but you have choices and can make them positively and decide on the direction to take and what is best for your own future and future of your family.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 25, 2009 10:53 AM

Hey 4real, I'm glad someone else sees the humour in the situation. Have you ever heard anything so silly or really so sad in your life. There was one person here a while ago who said it had to be third date sex or the woman would think they were wimpy or something. I can't remember it was so foolish a comment anyway and I am sure that only a wimpy man would make it. Whatever happened to just being yourself and judging for yourself and making up your mind for yourself. I am quite prepared to stay in the same situation I am for the rest of my life if I don't meet someone who is totally compatible as I would rather be happy 'alone' with good friends and family then 'together' with someone I am lonely with. p.s. if that makes sense, but I am sure you get the drift.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 25, 2009 10:50 AM

re:Luke Mitchell RIP.What's happening to our society !!!!!!

Posted by: mrcheekyone at May 25, 2009 10:13 AM

Yes G it was discussed in depth some time back. Marcus even put forth some theory on why it happens to co-inside often at the third date. Along the lines that having been in contact for so many hours as such, both then know they want to take the next step. After all if it has got past first date there is obviously an attraction there (physical/chemistry).

Marcus - can you post the details again? A new audience may want to read it.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at May 25, 2009 9:42 AM

Bob @ 9.30 am. Thanks for the reminder re tweaking profile. Haven't been active so profile would no doubt be a bit stale by now. Will see what I can do during the week.

Ru4real.. The 3rd date rule has been floating around for a bit now but no idea how or when it started.
Perth and Bob, wasn't it a topic of conversation last year sometime? I've not blogged for ages so it had to be a while ago but if I remember correctly it was a red hot topic back then. Maybe someone could enlighten us all???

Cheers.... "G"

Posted by: amdoingit at May 24, 2009 11:10 PM

Ohhhhh Derrrrrrrr 3rd date rule ( Sorry my blonde moment Lol ) Buggar that. Like I've said before I like to get to know someone before I give the most intermate thing any person can give to someone. No I'm not talking about for months either LOL. Just like to feel comfortable with someone and thats its not going to be a wham bam thank you mam. Jaminperth you are a Gem Luv the humor

Posted by: ru4real1 at May 24, 2009 7:28 PM

Hi la fileuse, I will never forget my first solo trip to Bunnings...the staff had a good old laugh at me, because I was trying to colour co-ordinate my clothes line to match my house....must be a girl thing...!!

Virgo...:)

Posted by: virgowoman2 at May 24, 2009 3:21 PM

However can any sensible thinking adult who respects another persons feelings believe in such absolute nonsense. Or maybe that is the key respecting anothers feelings.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 24, 2009 11:28 AM

'3rd date sex! how absolutely ridiculous, who thought that rubbish up. Woops, oh I forgot, is this the second or third date, oh third better get my gear off then. And was the walk and the coffee considered to be the first date or was lunch considered the first. I have to get this right you know and know when I have to 'do it'. No, doesn't matter anything about how you feel, we've got to do it because it's the third date and there are rules you know. Quick chuck out the friends, drive like crazy we are on a mission 'third date sex' gotta get it over with. Okay, now you can go home, we've done it, or I think we have, was that it !!!

Posted by: iaminperth at May 24, 2009 11:27 AM

Hi all,

Its the nature of the beast (sorry for the cliche). One day you can be inundated and then nothing for a month. But I try to keep to my ideal partner in mind when responding to kisses because I feel you need somewhere to start.

Posted by: time4latte at May 24, 2009 11:17 AM

Hi All,

I sit here and laugh alound when I read some of the proflies and expectations of some women....and I assume there are women out there reading mens profiles doing exactly the same. When it comes down to it though, real or unreal as the expectation might be, its their expectation, and they have to live with those.

Its not my place to tell any woman that her expectations are unreal, we all want what we want...some just realise the truth of the situation and ...Elle's not available, nor Brad, Angelina, George or Nicole!!

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at May 24, 2009 11:06 AM

Hu ru4real,

You and I both are intrigued by this 3rd date rule; as I am intrigued by all "rules" for dating. To me, there can only by two rules "be yourself, and talk about whatever you like" and "turn off your bloody mobile".

Who sets these rules anyway? 3rd date sex...and you wonder why the players are here? Cant talk about your past...and you wonder why there are so many shallow people?

Dont stress about not getting contacts...RSVP is a very strange medium; you will go far ages with nothing, then suddenly will get inundated. Maybe, just continue to tweak the profile a little so it says what you actually want it to say about you and whom you want to meet.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at May 24, 2009 9:30 AM

Sweetmixture,

In terms of being old fashioned, sending a "kiss" is like saying 'hello, how are you' or making a compliment to someone. I agree with the comment that if you don't "kiss" them then it is possible that they could be interested in you but they just do not see your profile due to when they are on to when you are on. If you were to see a guy that caught your attention on the street, you would smile politely and say hello and hope that he would say hello and from there you would strike up a conversation. A kiss is no different. Perhaps the term Kiss is to suggestive, and it should be called a note or comment.

In terms of Zerofear and her research using RSVP, I find this very interesting. I put in a suggestion to RSVP to have members of blogs participate in a survey. I asked this on the basis of the question "Is there a man drought, or are women just too picky" in response to past news articles, one from the perspective of women who believe there is, and one from the perspective of men who believe that a womans expectations of a partner are too high for the average guy.

From the results there could be a comparison between what a member views as wanting in a partner to the match of those in that criteria would seek for a partner. IE does average Joe Blogs who makes $40k a year and has an average body and looks, expect to date only Elle McPherson. If so, then do the Elle McPhersons on RSVP have the criteria of a partner as earning $40k+ p.a. and only average body and looks as high on their match criteria? It would also be interesting to consider this from an age perspective ie does a persons expectations change with age bracket.

As a 29 year old guy, I find a lot of 20-30 year old women are putting their criteria for partners to be over 6 foot and athletic build only.

Posted by: completegent1 at May 23, 2009 11:02 PM

Tks Bob you are such a Sweet Heart I appreciate that Bob. At least I gave it a try like I said nothing ventured nothing gained. Some things just happen when you least expect it. Just have to think outside the square to expand.Although its interesting to note I was getting a far better response before I added in my profile not looking for casual relationships, now most just pass on by, Seems to be what most want LOL. Am still pondering the 3rd date rule am intrigued. I'll pull a pauline hansen please explain LOL.

Posted by: ru4real1 at May 23, 2009 12:03 AM

I think in relation to all our kids its just out of pure Love and concern for our saftey the express their concerns be it good & bad its nice to know they care enough about you. I hope they never have to know the depths of loneleness you can sometimes feel when your kids are older and living their own lifes and your back to just being you, maybe then they might understand. Everyone wants someone in what ever compasity that may be.

Posted by: ru4real1 at May 22, 2009 11:30 PM

Ladies,

I am reminded of an episode of Two and a Half Men when Charlie decides to introduce his nephew to his girlfrirnds kids.

Jake "uncle Charlie, dont call them "lttle dudes", dont High five them or ruffle their hair; and dont ask if they like ice cream...all kids like ice cream"

Charlie "Hey, great advice man,so if I do all these things, they will like me"?

Jake "No"

Charlie "Why Not"

Jake "You're doing theirr mum"

Case closed!!!

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at May 22, 2009 11:15 PM

If it were me SM, I would firstly ask the older daughter to not yell as she should know better and then I would ask her for suggestions on another way to meet someone. Or, and I would ask this also, does she expect you to spend the rest of your life on your own. I think she needs to 'get real' and instead of being condescending maybe make some suggestions for your future. If she cannot, then my suggestions would be more or less to put up or shut up, not quite in those words but that would be the meaning.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 22, 2009 9:04 PM

Posted by: virgowoman2 at May 22, 2009 3:34 PM
"How cool...Bunnings...which aisle did you choose..?"

We met at the entrance after I checked out and then went to lunch. I spent most of my time in the isles with the little brass fittings (I *love* little brass fittings!) I needed to buy springs for the shafts in my table loom ... also needed door knobs and paint sample cards. I also checked out the power tools ... one day I'll have a router.

:-D

Posted by: lafileuse at May 22, 2009 5:49 PM

"Iaminperth" Yes, older child does love me but when she rings up and yells at me for being on "another date!"! (with my first RSVP date) after he organised a second date for a coffee afternoon and then hangs up on me, well that tends to put my back up. She freezes me out until it suits her and I will not be emotionally blackmailed but yes, she does care and worry about me. She lost her father and probably worries she will lose me also.

"mrcheekyman" different viewpoint, mentioning children being worried about missing out on their inheritance. I would never have thought about that aspect for one moment. Nice to hear what a man has to say. Am sure some daughters may be worried about another woman coming along and taking their Dad from them. Let's hear from some more men please!

"amdoingit" Your account with 3 children and each one having a different viewpoint just shows how different siblings can be!

"lafileuse" You and your daughter will have much to share at times when she herself is on RSVP. At least she knows what happens..good and bad and can be objective with you.

Kurli, it's great that you have forged some good friendships along the RSVP path and that your son and daughter also approve of Mum being on RSVP site.

I is absolutely"fantabulous" getting so much feedback from you lovely fellow RSVP members

Thanks all!

Posted by: sweetmixture at May 22, 2009 4:56 PM

Hi lafileuse...When I went on my first meet and greet, my daughter wanted to sit across the street at another coffee shop, just to make sure I was safe and sound....!!!
How cool...Bunnings...which aisle did you choose..?

Posted by: virgowoman2 at May 22, 2009 3:34 PM

virgowoman 10.09am and sweetmixture@9.38am: it was my 40 y.o. DD who suggested I try RSVP site, (and others) My son approves...... as long as he doesn't have to listen to Mum's escapades!!

If nothing else,I have made some great friends with both genders(;they know who they are) And then there's the "not so marvellous encounters"... But hey! that's life.........
You all have a good one.

Posted by: kurli at May 22, 2009 12:47 PM

"Jenniferhi", I quite understand what you mean by needing a personal life. I will never be one of those "interfering" mums who always has something to say about everything going on in their childrens' lives. Yes, I will be available for any emergencies and will always show interest but I want them to show me the same courtesy that I show them. Allow me to live my life, mistakes and all. Be there if I want advice, yes, care about me but but don't role reverse and play my parent!!

"Virgowoman2" I am very glad your children both support you in your endeavour with RSVP even though they were initially surprised.

I can also understand a child being jealous of someone else being part of their mum or dad's life and I am sure there would be many who could relate a story about that particular situation!

Having said that I will not let either of my children dictate to me what I can or can't do. How many times should I see that person or this person!

Posted by: sweetmixture at May 22, 2009 12:46 PM

Posted by: sweetmixture at May 20, 2009 9:41 AM
"I just feel very strange about initiating the first contact by "kissing" someone. In this instance"
(this is a bit far below the fold, but I'm catching up on the posts :-) )
I feel the same. It's difficult for me to send the first kiss ... so I send 'Smiles' instead. It is just easier.

:-D

Posted by: lafileuse at May 22, 2009 12:29 PM

Thanks for the wink Jen.. Back atcha.. And.. that offer stands ok.. Think you have my details but if not you know where to get them... Good luck!!!! ......... "G"

Posted by: amdoingit at May 22, 2009 12:22 PM

jen virgo sweet :Of course we have the right to get on with our lives and yes our kids do come first on our list of priorities .But the younger our children are the more they feel they are being left out in the cold are and they are scaired of losing that parent. The older ones who have moved out and made a life and family for themselves are afraid of missing out on the inheritance.....this does happen quite often .mmmm

Posted by: mrcheekyone at May 22, 2009 12:20 PM

Sweetmixture @ 9.38am I'm in a similar situation as yourself. Knocking on the door of 60 and 3 adult kids. My oldest was at first mortified when I joined this site but has since mellowed and is supportive. Not before we had the big D & M's though. A bit of a role reversal there.
Seems he knows of a couple of males who use the site inappropriately and genuinely feels he has cause for concern. Once I'd assured him I firmly intended to be 'careful' so to speak and that there were unscrupulous people everywhere he was fine.
My daughter (middle child) was all for it right from the start and is always asking for updates. If she had her way she'd be sending kisses to every man on here for me.
My younger son (22yo) doesn't know and I doubt I'd ever tell him. Was totally against me seeing any man whatsoever and took my daughter's 'talk' to him to even get him to accept that I need to move on and part of that process is dating. He agreed but just doesn't want to know about it. Was hard while he was still living at home but he's moved now so it's fine.
He's only once been here when a man came and it was a bit awkward. Shook hands when introduced and then left. Did chat to him about it the next day and he said it was just unexpected and he'd be fine now. Does want me to be happy but I'm his mum and he worries about me.. Sweet...
Amazing how they're all different isn't it......"G"

Posted by: amdoingit at May 22, 2009 12:19 PM

Posted by: sweetmixture at May 22, 2009 9:38 AM
"A question for any who have children old enough to give their opinion"

I have a son (24) and daughter (28) who both know I'm on RSVP, and who are both very supportive. They also give great counsel during the highs and lows (DS after I told him I was no longer seeing someone, "... well, did you have fun while it lasted ... did you enjoy it? (me: "Yes, it was great.") DS: "That's so great, Mum.") ... and yes, it was. My daughter is also on RSVP ... in a periodic fashion. We celebrate and commiserate when we catch up on phone or skype.
Virgowoman2, I know what you mean about the concern. When I told my two (in separate phone calls) that I was about to have my first RSVP date, I got the "be sure to meet in a public place" speech from each of them. (BTW they both thought Bunnings was a good choice.)

:-D

Posted by: lafileuse at May 22, 2009 11:11 AM

I just think everyone is entitled to their opinion SM whether it is right or wrong. In your case the encouragement would be wonderful and the 'other advice' I am sure would only come from love. If it were me, I would just listen to it all and know that one child articulates in an encouraging way and the other one is contemplating some negatives and perhaps giving advice relating to those feelings. Whatever both obviously love and cherish you so I think somewhere along the line you must have done the right thing obviously ! Negative and positive they are both involved and aware so what more could you ask for. Probably the one with the negative comments needs a little more understanding of the whole process and what safety measures are in place and that may allay the fears a little. Whatever, don't let it cloud your decisions and don't be put off my negative comments as they are probably only coming from a feeling of protection and love for their mum.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 22, 2009 10:28 AM

Hi sweetmixture, I have two children 33 and 31..both were quite taken aback when I told them that I was on here, they obviously worry about me and who I may be meeting, actually it makes me laugh sometimes, because it seems like I am the teenager now and they are the parents...they ask me every now and again how I am going...but they are both very supportive of me, and what I'm doing..!!

Posted by: virgowoman2 at May 22, 2009 10:09 AM

Mum (or dad) for that matter is entitled to a life. That's what I think.

My kids are much younger and all live with me, but even so I feel a need to connect with someone (as a partner) and will not put them first (in everything).

To be the best mum possible, I think I have to have a personal life and feel contentment in life. To me that is connecting with other adults and ultimately a relationship.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at May 22, 2009 9:51 AM

A question for any who have children old enough to give their opinion, welcome or not! lol
As I am 60, I have two children 32 and 34 (omg! where did time go?!!) Picking myself up off the floor I will continue, cough cough!

My children have their own ideas about me dating and being on RSVP and one in particular is very vocal in what is said about the situation, heaping unwanted advice onto me while the other is supportive and encouraging "You go for it Mum!" (smiles)

I understand that the children care for me very much and are only looking out for my best interests but sometimes I feel like not telling them anything instead of being open and honest with them.

Would like to hear from any others who may have something to say upon the matter.

Posted by: sweetmixture at May 22, 2009 9:38 AM

Hi G. Nice to see you back. Look forward to some posts from you.

Have a great day all.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at May 22, 2009 9:28 AM

Posted by LaFreek @ 8.06pm on 19th... Spot on Boyd

Could be some interesting reading here. No time now but will drop in for another tomorrow night.

Good to see a few familiar names!!!!!!

Cheers .............................. "G"

Posted by: amdoingit at May 21, 2009 11:23 PM

Hello to all (oldies and newbies)... has been a long while so thought I'd take a peek on here for a change.
Perfect timing.. Last post was from Bob @ 9.10pm... How sweet are you ... Gotta love it...

Ditto to your comments Jen @ 7am (Early bird!!)
................ "G"

Posted by: amdoingit at May 21, 2009 11:17 PM

Ru4real,

You ae far from being fugly (have to say, love that expression...politically incoredct as it may be); theres just no accounting for taste!!

I dont think you are going to have too many problem....remember, you can always fall back on the 3rd date rule!!!

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at May 21, 2009 10:56 PM

Hello to all good to you all here Luv your comments!!!!!! Sweetmixture you always make me smile Luv the sense of humour not to mention your Bob ( wed em & bed em) now that cracked me up.
Well dare I say it I took the advice of some in here. Like Sweetmixture & Jen am old fasion and like guys to make the first move. So like the Kiss option I thought I'd be brave and give it a try. Nothing ventured nothing gained right. Well sent out a few, got rejected ( Oh well guess I was to Fugly for them) LOL. But you just never know do you. At least I had a go at it. Knowing me I'll try again.

Posted by: ru4real1 at May 21, 2009 10:02 PM

Kaz,

I actually do know the best women in Melbourne; that comes as a major shock to most, but I do....and I live in Sydney!! How do I know these women; because we established contact (maybe not directly, but we did).

You know, life is surprising, and sometimes the best people you will ever meet are not on your front door. Give it a go guys;there are some great women out there (especially in Melbourne); you dont have to wed 'em or bed 'em but you do have to respect them

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at May 21, 2009 9:10 PM

Posted by: notafigjam at May 20, 2009 9:37 PM

Ha, Bob, you know all the best ones are in Melbourne...Looking forward to catching up when you are next down here......K.

Posted by: auntykaz at May 21, 2009 7:59 PM

Well "diditforlove" actually I am not a great believer in everything "Women's Lib" stands for.

I appreciate the differences between men and women and have no desire to act like a man or be "macho"!! lol I do like to speak my mind and stay up with what's going on in the world, but I guess some habits just die hard.

Thankyou "virgowoman2" and "violetsareblue67" I will keep what you have said in mind. This is just so different for me, smiles. Yes "jenniferhi, thanks for comment and advice on "RSVP Etiquette" Am going to try and be brave lol! Haven't done it yet though, smiles sheepishly.

Gaby, I am glad I am not alone, lol, don't feel quite so bad now! You must keep in touch and let us all know how things are going with you through the blogs.

I get the same thoughts when I spy a man who looks interesting and appealing, not that I ever think he is too good for me but rather I suddenly become very aware of maybe not having enough interests compared to him or remember things about myself I am not happy with lol

Posted by: sweetmixture at May 21, 2009 6:37 PM

Posted by: sweetmixture at May 20, 2009 9:41 AM

Sometimes I can't believe what I read on this site. Women who don't want to send the first kiss - because they are old-fashioned???

Maybe you should watch some SBS ('Sex before Sleep' )programs about women who initiate sex. Whatever happened to Women's Lib.???

Posted by: diditforlove at May 21, 2009 9:33 AM

Posted by: zerofear at May 20, 2009 9:25 PM

Interesting. I was always under the impression that there were more men on RSVP than women. I have found the same (but opposite obviously) in that the good looking women get swamped with contact and hide their profile with a very short time frame. It would seem us mere mortals have to rely on something other than looks.

And ladies, please be brave and send a 'kiss' if you like a guy's profile. I recently have started seeing a lovely lady who initiated contact. If she hadn't initiated contact I might not have come across her profile and we would never have met. So maximise your chances of meeting someone by making contact.

Posted by: icycle67 at May 21, 2009 9:16 AM

Can you believe I got an email straight up from a lovely guy last night. I actually haven't had one like that for a while.

I wonder if he reads the blogs.

Anyway it is much appreciated and I have written back. We shall see what happens.

I'm with you too Bob, the friendships I have made via this site are very special. Both male and female. Sometimes it is not all about that 'romantic relationship'. Friendships are so wonderful too.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at May 21, 2009 7:00 AM

Hi all.

Perhaps it's the actual term "kiss" that puts some of the ladies off making contact?
If instead of "kiss"; it said "send a note"; I believe some would feel less awkward about it.

If you're keen to get it touch with someone, do so....it really isn't a kiss.....just a note with a really bad title.

Posted by: lafreek at May 21, 2009 1:37 AM

Hi Jen

I'm with you. If I think I like the woman, I will send the email regardless of the Kiss. If she isnt interested or doesn't respond (which means shes not interested anyway)...thats just life....it doesn't upset me. I look at stamp the same way as I look at a drink; I would buy anyone a drink and have no expectation of reciprocity...so why worry about spending the cost of a stamp?

By the way, I have sent emails to some really lovely people, just to say hello, and have made some really nice friendships....what a bonus. Sad part is, they mostly live in Melbourne, so have limited opportunities to visit and get to meet them in person.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at May 20, 2009 9:37 PM

Hi sweetmixture, I'm on your side girlfriend! I am also oldfashioned and prefer to let the male take the lead. I am not in a huge rush or have a lot of spare time on my hands so I tend to lurk online and look mostly. Occasionally I will see someone I like and instantly think that person would be a) too good for me b) looking for someone younger than me c) so totally swamped by female kisses that I shouldnt even bother. Then I talk myself out of doing anything!!

That brings me to a point though. The reason I got onto RSVP though was for a uni assignment. We had to do an essay on social networking so I chose RSVP. The stuff I have learned about this site is phenomenal. One thing that really struck me was that good looking men get totally swamped within 5 days of joining and usually close their profile. There are that many more women on here than men.

Interesting? So everyone, why is that???
Are men not game to get online?

God I suddenly had a flashback of Sex and the City and think I am chanelling Carrie Bradshaw writing her column.... LOL

Gaby

Posted by: zerofear at May 20, 2009 9:25 PM

Sweetmixture - It takes a little bit to get used to this whole way of meeting people now, but it is truly worth it. Have a go. Send out some kisses. You never know where it will lead.

One thing though - the etiquette is that who ever sends the kiss, then pays for the stamp, i.e. the first email. Even though that is the norm, you will often find some lovely men send the first email anyway. Old School still comes into play often. Which of course is lovely.

Good luck.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at May 20, 2009 8:26 PM

Taking time to get to know a personality on line - a kiss is just a kiss, an email is an interest and chat gives you a better insight into whether you'd click or would in fact like to see this person. You must know in your gut whether you'd like to meet up with someone for coffee or dinner. Agree that it's can be hard to ascertain whether a person is being honest in displaying their "online personality" however I guess that's why we chose "online". Yes, I did see someone who wasn't true to form, see my earlier blog. Live and learn, he was a nice man, lovely to meet and share dinner but honesty is important to me and that just blew it.

Posted by: aloveoflife at May 20, 2009 7:55 PM

Hi All,

Meeting a "personality"...well, thats the question, isn't it. The thing I dont get is why not be honest? You are going to be found out eventually, so you are wasting your time otherwise.

I think its always smart to think about pressing that button before doing it...sometimes I think that people do it, then realise they ae not ready for a response (whether that be positive or negative), so they dont respond at all.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at May 20, 2009 6:57 PM

Hi sweetmixture,

I must admit for the first two months after I joined, I thought much the same way as yourself...I am from the old school too, that men make the first move, but one day I saw someone that I really wanted to say hello to...I deliberated for three hours...and then pressed that button...most of the time I just want a person to know what a great profile I think they have..now I have no problem at all with letting people know how I feel..give it a go, it's quite liberating...:)

Posted by: virgowoman2 at May 20, 2009 4:53 PM

Posted by: sweetmixture at May 20, 2009 9:41 AM

I pucker up all the time..if i waited for the guys to kiss me i would end up covered in dust and webs..plus it would be very boring!!

I still get a reasonable response rate, and have met lots of nice guys on here...a few not so nice.

Plenty dont respond (an rsvp trend), some say no thanks, every now and then you get a positive response.

Make the most of it i say :)

Posted by: violetsareblue67 at May 20, 2009 4:00 PM

Jen & Bob,

Taking time to get to know a personality on line. Does this sound right? "Personality" - "On-line"? Do these really go together? I think Perth hit the nail on the head "The illusion of how they really want to be has taken over the reality". Each to their own, obviously, but I believe you haven't "met" someone until you're face to face. Hec, even then; even after believing you knew a person, they often present a side you never knew existed. Ahhhhhhh.......humans, such a complicated animal.

Posted by: lafreek at May 20, 2009 12:01 PM

Hmmm. How many women actually "kiss" the guys on RSVP here? Come on girls, own up!!

I know I am probably missing out on meeting many great guys but even though I consider myself to be up there with the modern women of today (in some respects) I just feel very strange about initiating the first contact by "kissing" someone. In this instance, I am from the "old school" where a man makes the first move (sighhhh) Damn! lol My finger has been on the "kiss" button so many times when I have come across someone I think is very nice but I just can't seem to actually bring myself to send the first "kiss" (rolls my eyes)

I know there will be many out there who say I am crazy for being this way! Why do I find this so difficult?

Would like to hear from you ladies out there and am I the only woman on RSVP who thinks this way or are their others?

Men please give me your opinion also as I would like to hear how you think about this situation. Sighhhhs, why do I have to be so old fashioned?

Posted by: sweetmixture at May 20, 2009 9:41 AM

makeadifference1 at May 19, 2009 11:35 PM and jenniferhi at May 19, 2009 9:35 PM

I guess everyone has their preferred option..i certainly havent felt long emails and chats work for me. Usually its 1-2 weeks or so before i meet..not what i would call "rushed"?? Gaby, you will work out whats best for you by trial and error :)

I am meeting someone tomorrow that i have been talking to for a week, he had a great profile, and seems a real gentleman and a lovely guy...i guess i will find out tomorrow :)

Cheers,

Posted by: violetsareblue67 at May 20, 2009 9:05 AM

I agree Gaby. If you read profiles every one of them is talking about travelling, restaurants etc and how they are looking forward to the future. Whilst I think a lot of people actually are the same amount are not. I don't think it is a deception, rather than a perception of who they actually are. The illusion of how they really want to be has taken over the reality and a lot have simply not moved on which is a shame. I think the reality is that there are fewer people in situations where they find it hard to meet people because of locality, work commitments etc., than there are people who are unable to meet people in the real world due to temperament or experiences etc. It doesn't make anything right or wrong but it does I guess determine the speed of the face to face meeting and actually finding out who that person really is vs who they think they are.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 20, 2009 8:33 AM

Posted by: zerofear at April 13, 2009 7:36 PM

Why does everyone else think? Gaby

Your profile is fine Gaby. Pity you don't live in Perth :-(

I for one would rather have an honest profile than one that says what the reader wants to hear then find out later its not true.

Posted by: makeadifference1 at May 19, 2009 11:35 PM

Agree with Jen, those that have insisted on moving quickly haven't been true to profile, others that take the time to get to know one another have been more interesting whether there was a connection or not. Take the time to get to know a personality.

Sad sacks Bob? Don't think so sorry, just normal people seeking answers to life.

Posted by: aloveoflife at May 19, 2009 11:26 PM

Posted by: lafreek at May 19, 2009 8:06 PM

No, I don't agree Boyd. My best connections in my time on the site are with those I chatted to on-line for a while, then phone then meet. The whole process could take up to a month.

I actually enjoy the build up until meeting. I love it when the person does meet what you have expected. Of course it doesn't always work out that way, but in the most part it has for me.

And those that there wasn't that connection to take it further, I have found still a friendship ensued. That of course, being lovely in itself.

For me quick meets have quickly fizzled out.

Maybe I'm the weird one here. Not sure. But just my experience.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at May 19, 2009 9:35 PM

Cheeky ~ that's a shame. I was so hoping that pic might develop before my eyes. Oh well!

How's dating life treating you? All good?

Jen x

Posted by: jenniferhi at May 19, 2009 9:14 PM

Boyd and violetsareblue, I agree with both of you. The BIG danger of the internet is that you can pretend to be whomever to choose too. How many of us have met with someone who was completely different to either their profile or their photo???

I would get suspicious if they dragged it out and didnt give you an emaill address.
Gaby

Posted by: zerofear at May 19, 2009 9:02 PM

Jen~~~yeah I'm doin fine , but I think I'll leave the magic to the magicians . I'm over illusions lol

Posted by: mrcheekyone at May 19, 2009 8:53 PM

Posted by: lafreek at May 19, 2009 8:06 PM

Boyd, i agree with you 100%, best to make contact as soon as possible. Protracted email discussions and chats only give unreal/false expectations of the other person. Interpretation/perception/judgement all can distort the image of the person.

Meeting in person, as soon as comfortable, is best.

Cheers to all :)

Posted by: violetsareblue67 at May 19, 2009 8:41 PM

I read some writings about sending/receiving kisses on this site and some discussion about protocol and the like. In my opinion, sites like RSVP are a great place to make an initial contact to see if two people may click as friends or relationship potentials. To continue contact, via the site, for an extended period of time, I believe, is a complete waste of time. What a person writes may give a little insight to the person, however, is no substitute for meeting in person. I believe many of us think far too much; attemtping to figure a person out. Many of us are guilty of trying to read between the lines and create profiles of people, in our own heads, that are, generally, far removed from the actual person we're communicating with. If there's interest; I believe catching up in person, as soon as possible, is the only way to go. What do others think?

Boyd.

Posted by: lafreek at May 19, 2009 8:06 PM

Hi All,

Hey, drinking and laughing are what will get you through this; the problem is that there are too many sad sacks around feeling sorry for themselves...and thinking we should all feel sorry for them too. Fact is, if you are feeling that way, why inflict yourself on those of us that are giving it a go/

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at May 19, 2009 7:45 PM

Posted by: ru4real1 at May 19, 2009 6:53 PM

Good things comes to those who wait and I'm happy to wait until the good thing comes my way - wishing you all the best!

Posted by: aloveoflife at May 19, 2009 7:23 PM

Gday All hope your all doing well!!!!!!!
Well I thought I'd be brave and send out a few kisses LOL. Haven't tried that before.
I love all your comment and you all have such a great sence of humor. Its good to see how everyone approaches their invites and meetings and how you keep intouch or lack of. Good to know I'm not alone.
Dont worry Aloveoflife am sure there is someone out there for each and everyone of us. Maybe we should all send each other some good vibes Lol

Posted by: ru4real1 at May 19, 2009 6:53 PM

Hi Bob, yep, read your profile too. I've been reading the blogs for a little while, usually late evening with a glass of red in hand so if I make typo's now you know why. Enjoy the banter that goes on. Being careful what I wish for - no need to worry about that - but somethings tells me you are a tad cheeky.

Hi again sweetmixture, I have a wicked sense of humour but I tend to reign it in from time to time but it does help to have a sense of humour in the dating game especially the online dating game!

Nik

Posted by: aloveoflife at May 19, 2009 6:37 PM

Posted by: aloveoflife at May 18, 2009 10:51 PM

You are very welcome "aloveoflife"

I see you also have a remarkable sense of humour. I believe a good sense of humour will keep us in good stead and help us to get through any "difficult times" we may encounter.

I look forward to reading your future posts, smiles.

Posted by: sweetmixture at May 19, 2009 9:12 AM

Hi Aloveoflife,

Careful what you wish for

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at May 18, 2009 11:24 PM

Thanks sweetmixture for your comments - and I must say - great profile!! Yep, had a look, I can now see a fair few females checking me out since I blogged so I have been having a look myself - god, we're good!! What is wrong with the men out there - come and get us!! LOL.

Posted by: aloveoflife at May 18, 2009 10:51 PM

Zerofear you must be soooo over comments on your original question and I'm guessing your episode is pretty much a closed deal by now. But I couldn't help putting in my tuppence worth - firstly, I'm a pushover for a man with intellect and so I would have 'lost my erection' to put it crudely if it was 'chit chat' for an extended period of time. I want to talk and know and exchange - usually about world changing ideas (which would probably make them a little impotent as well - actually now that I mention it...) Mind you, some people communicate best in the flesh. As for pics on rsvp - I liked your original photo as well Jen - and love the background thing happening in 'isthisalucky dip" - supa photo have to say. Mohegan.. your comments echo of life-coaching - think there's lots of truth in that even if its just adopting such a positive mantra.

Posted by: simplysummer at May 18, 2009 8:32 PM

Welcome back Nik from another newcomer to RSVP.

Your experience with the phone calls I guess is a fair indication of what can happen as a result of giving the phone number out too early on in the scheme of things, not that I think all men would carry on like the man who caused you so many problems. The same thing can happen in reverse with women making a nuisance of themselves by constantly ringing a man whom they may have just met.

I have had many women looking at my profile too "aloveoflife" but think sometimes it is as a result of a person wanting to know who is behind a post that has been written on one of the blogs.

Good luck Nik and as you said, regardless of what may happen, there could be some very nice people out there with whom friendship may evolve (smiles)

Posted by: sweetmixture at May 18, 2009 8:24 PM

Now it's about time for me to make my announcement, do I need to shout on top of this world a black and white printed input, being a constant under surveillance camera in private or public paparazzi where I supposed to stand, impromptu, never forgotten you at all trusted mentor happy please don't take it personal you know much better than I do.

Posted by: mohegansun at May 18, 2009 8:21 PM

Cheeky ~ I prefer Magic myself. lol. So how's things?

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at May 18, 2009 7:59 PM

Hi again, I wish I'd got into everyone's comments before I got started! Better late than never thou. Sounds like everyone shares the same, I'm fairly new on RSVP having joined the Easter weekend however after foolishing being too trusting with giving out my personal email and mobile number was inundated with early morning, late night hello emails by one man as well as copious phone calls all thru the day - all over a 6 day period, I ended up terminating my account but within a few days friends convinced me to get back on the horse so to speak. So, live and learn. Loving all the advice, very helpful, Jen - so you looking at me so I had a look at you - great profile and yes the new photos are great although I hadn't seen the old ones. Just don't expect a Kiss.... I'm definitely looking for a male species with all the right bits and pieces!! LOL.

Learned my errors from the first time, enjoying the learning from everyone, keep it coming and good luck in love, we all want it but also may make some lovely new friends along the way.

Nik

Posted by: aloveoflife at May 18, 2009 6:50 PM

Jen.....hmmmm ~~~t happens lol

Posted by: mrcheekyone at May 18, 2009 6:05 PM

Zerofear...that's the fighting spirit - glad to hear that, you deserved more than this timid person. I peeked at your profile as you described yourself with all good qualities, don't let this undesirable people underestimate your values.

Posted by: mohegansun at May 18, 2009 5:47 PM

Hi Gaby, it's really easy to go by everyone's experience with stuff like this. My own says there's a lot of truth in the book/movie "He's Just Not that Into You" - I think if a guy is interested he'll make it known with more than a few flimsy emails. However, there are people who are shy (although telling you you had a blonde moment doesn't make it sound like he's in that category). Sometimes you get a little and think of a million reasons why you're not getting what you really want from the person you're communicating with but in reality, the chances are you're just not a priority. In which case, wait and find someone who makes you a priority. Being with someone who is really into you is worth an infinite number of the ones who are going to treat you as a pit stop on the way to finding their right person don't you think? And I'm really happy to hear you say you know you're worth more :) Some people just like to lure people along so that it can feed their egos, for others it's hedging their bets (If I can get her, I can get someone better), others just have too much going on in their lives to put any effort in. Either way, you want someone who's ready for you and cares about you. There are lots of guys on here who are lovely and who do want to get to know the women they're in contact with - leave the others to their own devices :)

Posted by: isthisaluckydip at May 18, 2009 4:44 PM

Hey Gaby

Sound to me like he might be involved with someone else..and is keeping you on the boil in case it doesnt work??

In saying that maybe he just doesnt like to be chatting with more than woman at a time?? But usually things move along quite fast with this sort of "concentrated" attention and you get to know a lot about them quite quickly.

If its making you feel uncomfortable, concerned then either ask him or abandon..dont let the niggles just drift along.

Dont stress about what he is thinking..waste of your time and sanity :)

All the best.

Posted by: violetsareblue67 at May 18, 2009 4:30 PM

Mohegansun - my fear is not one of confrontation or abandonment. It is more about doing the right thing, as I am, at heart, very old fashioned when it comes to dating. However this forum is very different and requires different rules so to speak.

I am generally very overt and speak my mind, which to some, can be a problem. So will see what his response to my email is. That will be interesting... Thanks all for your help. Gee you guys are nice :-)

Gaby

Posted by: zerofear at May 18, 2009 3:43 PM

Hi Gaby

Sounds to me that the emails from him are just general chit chat and that he is just biding time with you and not addressing anything remotely important that you might wish to know.

It is interesting that he has removed his profile while chatting with you. It could mean he is involved with someone else right now hence the lack of information via email to you or it could mean he is a little shy and thinks things are going well with you so he has removed his profile in anticipation of things to come.

Are you close enough proximity wise to be able to meet somewhere for a coffee first before exchanging phone numbers perhaps? I feel that for a woman, letting a man have your phone number before you have met could be a potential problem further down the track if he likes you more than you like him. However, what do I really know lol! I have only met one man with whom I felt things were going extremely well just to find that they weren't really! Not for him anyway. Lol!

However as a positive person I have picked myself up, dusted myself off and am ready for whatever life wishes to bring my way (smiles)

Gaby, just ask this man anything you wish to ask via your emails. Isn't that what the email system is for anyway? So two people can learn a few things about each other first before meeting?

Good luck with it all Gaby

Cheers!

Posted by: sweetmixture at May 18, 2009 3:15 PM

Zerofear...Your question's were answered mostly by this talented bloggers...

You leave him only two Choices - Roll over or Pushover.

Letting his rights and feelings come first. Resentment will build as he continous his hurting behaviour - if he doesn't quit first from boredom...
This is ironic, as your fear of confrontation is probably rooted in a fear of Abandonment.
What you afraid of ?-?

Posted by: mohegansun at May 18, 2009 2:12 PM

Hi Guys, thanks for the vote of confidence. Actually he has pulled down his profile on RSVP so I cant chat to him unfortunately.

Actually on his profile he listed 2 places of residence, I asked him if he worked in 1 and lived in the other. He suggested that I was having a 'blonde moment' when I asked if he lived in Brisbane and worked on the coast.

Isthisaluckydip - Yes you are correct,I am worth more than this kind of treatment.However I have emailed him and asked him some questions but truth be known it has already left a sour taste in my mouth. I make is quite clear on my profile that communication is very important to me. So either he is stupid or can't read or just isnt into me... Which will be his loss.

Gaby

Posted by: zerofear at May 18, 2009 1:03 PM

I'm not going to say what you should or shouldn't do. What I would say is think about how this is making you feel. Is this type of ambiguity what you are after in a relationship? You're divulging information but he's not - is this what you want long-term? Is he making you feel important to him? Is he showing interest in you, does he relate to information you have given him? Is there any effort involved in his emails? What do you actually want in a relationship and is this person really exhibiting the ability or interest in you that would be required to satisfy you? If you answer no to these questions then maybe you should wonder why you are pursuing something that doesn't show any promise of offering what you want. If you answered yes then I hope he turns out to be the person you are looking for. Compromise is essential in relationships but the compromise shouldn't extend to accepting vague communications that border on disinterest. I think you're worth more than that :)

Posted by: isthisaluckydip at May 18, 2009 12:31 PM

It's been a while since I've caught up on the blogs as the weather has been great in Brisbane and as a result I've been outside enjoying it. It's good to see that they are ticking along nicely.

Posted by: zerofear at May 17, 2009 4:37 PM

Zerofear......fear not. The reason for being on RSVP is to try and meet someone that you potentially want to see more of. Part of doing that is getting to know someone by asking questions and getting responses. Just be up front and ask some questions. If the guy is genuine he'll respond without any concern.

As someone else suggested, the chat option through RSVP is a good way to go as you get to have a real time conversation (of sorts) without the other person being able to spend too much time crafting their response via e-mail. You get a better representation of the real person behind the profile.

And in response to a few that have expressed some exasperation at the whole RSVP process, all I can say is be patient and don't take things to heart. You will get plenty of people to do not respond to 'kisses'. You will get plenty who respond to say 'no thanks'. You will get some who mysteriously drop off the face of the earth after what seems to be some good positive contact experiences. It's easy to wonder what might be wrong with you. The truth is there is nothing wrong you. It will potentially take some time to find someone who you are attracted to where the feeling is mutual. It can be hard at times but you just have to believe that you are worth the wait.

Posted by: icycle67 at May 18, 2009 11:38 AM

Hey Gaby..ask the questions about him that you would like to know...it's your ship, you can steer it in the direction you choose.
And Bellisima2, even the Listerine advertisement on here is purple...!!!!

Posted by: virgowoman2 at May 18, 2009 7:02 AM

Hi All, With regard to correct age and photos, just had dinner last week with someone definitely older than what his profile says, didn't look at all like his photo and me being 5'4 and wearing heels, I towered over his so called 6 foot. I agree with MrCheekyOne, just give it a go, but be cautious - and have ZeroFear - love that name. Good luck all!

Posted by: aloveoflife at May 17, 2009 10:58 PM

Hello to all,

Yes life sometimes bitch if things not on our own way, But what I believed is...

Our current and/or previous relationship situation is exactly what we created.
The universe has simply handed back to us that which we have to focused on.
If things are not as we would have them, we need to create something new !
Our belief system is a Key. Examine your deeply beliefs....Do we honestly believe we are lovable in every respects?
Do we think we deserve the love and passion that we crave ?
We have to believe it to make it happen.
So think twice again....
This may help our current problems to resolved finding the right person.

Posted by: mohegansun at May 17, 2009 10:53 PM

Gday All Hope you all had a Gr8 Weekend.
I think all your comments have been very interesting indeed. Let's face it I'm no Oil Painting myself.
Let me just say this in relation to looks weather you care to admit it or not looks are some what inportant in one aspect only. If the friendship is to lead to something on a more intermate level you have to also be sexually attracted to ( chemistry ) them as well to be able to enjoy it I dont care how good they are. otherwise its just not going to have a good out come in that regaurd. I have dated guys that weren't that good looking and looked past what they looked like and admired their personality and sense of humor and loved our communication appealing to my mind. Unfortunately has never worked for me.
As for people who you meet up with trying to figure out if you should contact them after they have been incontact via ph, chat here, emails ect and you the same, and all seems well have struck that twice now. Cut off with no word from them at all and all of a sudden,and no call to say look am sorry just think it wont work ( which I would rather them be honest and tell me ) But nope nothing just stop. I have given up trying to fathem it out. I just pick myself up and start again. Better not to put your eggs in one basket. See a few people for coffees or outings get a feel for what you really want to find, you might find its different from what you orginally thought.
For those who ask questions of you answer them honestly. Its ok and fair for you also to ask questions of them. Otherwise how do know what kind of person they are and weather they will suite you. If they refuse to answer within reason of couarse, say's alot about them. Maybe they have thing's to hide, can be a warning sign.
People are people unpredictable thats what makes us unique.

Posted by: ru4real1 at May 17, 2009 10:13 PM

Hey Cheekyone the whole email thing is quite strange isn't it? hmmmm.

zerofear - Why don't you go to chat? I find it much easier for allowing a much easier exchange of questions and answers. Flows so much easier.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at May 17, 2009 9:06 PM

Hi Mr Cheekyone, Yes, some profiles are deceiving which may not be a good start if you are entertaining the thought of something serious. It can be difficult to write a profile but its easy to be honest. Just a thought.

Posted by: time4latte at May 17, 2009 8:35 PM

Whether the guy is serious or not he sounds like a bit of a ditherer to me and that could get tedious after a while. I don't know what you have put in your profile but if it says you are looking for more than a casual friendship I wouldn't take too much notice of him. You need to decide what you want and don't want to tell him, but if it were me it would be very general chit chat and nothing more.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 17, 2009 8:25 PM

many thanks to Mr CheeseandVegemite sandwich $60 bottle of red and Jimi Hendrix

Posted by: mrcheekyone at May 17, 2009 8:15 PM

ps; sometimes it's best to take off our rose coloured glasses....and give it a go

Posted by: mrcheekyone at May 17, 2009 7:38 PM

time4latte; profiles and photos can be very deceiving......either way what have you got to loose.....some time and maybe a stamp . Not everyone can write a profile.....As they say YOU'VE GOT TO BE IN IT TO WIN IT .

Posted by: mrcheekyone at May 17, 2009 7:32 PM

Gaby; Here's some advice......sounds like the guy is just hedging his bets......give him the flick.....if he is really interested he would have given you his phone number,simple as that.CAUTION....There are a lot of serial daters here after nothing more than a test drive......BUT amongst those serial daters you will eventually find someone who is sincere....don't judge a book by it's cover....you will find that people aren't always the same as you see on profiles...some have profiles and photos to die for but are the exact opposite...then you might come across a profile that sounds very ordinary...BUT hey.... that person could be Mr or Ms right.....FOR YOU

Posted by: mrcheekyone at May 17, 2009 7:23 PM

Thanks Bob, I have made a mockery out of my profile name havent I??
Yes its a tricky one but you are right, I should just come right out and ask away, I guess that will sort out the wood from the trees. I will keep you posted :-)
Gaby

Posted by: zerofear at May 17, 2009 7:07 PM

Hi Zerofear,

Always a difficukt thing to try to determine the thoughts of another. To me, seeing as you made the first contact (and taken down his profile) perhaps he is not wanting to seem too pushy, and allowing you to get things going at a pace with which you seem comfortable?

I think you should be direct and ask him about himself, make him feel that you want to find out more and get away from the chitchat. This will determine exactly where he sees things....he should be prepared to tell you his story if he has any sincerity.

Have Zerofear.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at May 17, 2009 7:00 PM

Hi All,

I have to agree with most of what has been said so far. Does any one put their correct age on their profile? a lot don't. Some photos are so fake. This is maybe why we are so sceptical about putting our photos on the profile. I am sure we all try to treat every contact with the care and attention they deserve but sometimes there is so little in common sadly, you just know it would not work.

Posted by: time4latte at May 17, 2009 4:46 PM

Hi Everyone, I have a question for you. I have met a guy on RSVP. I sent him a kis saying that I thought we had alot in common and would like to hear from him. He emailed me back, agreeing that yes we did have alot in common and wanted me to email him back. We have been emailing each other once a day since via hotmail. He certainly would have learnt alot more about me that I have him, he isnt saying much about himself and the emails are the usual 'how are you, hows your day been', general chit chat kind of thing. I havent been bombarding him with too many questions for fear of being too pushy.

So my question is: What do I do from here? Do I just continue on and wait for him to ask me out? Is it ok for me to ask questions about himself? Do I volunteer my phone number or wait for him to ask for it?

I just feel like he is getting more info out of me than I am getting out of him and am wondering whether this is actually going anywhere as he doesnt seem to be asking me very many questions or attempting to find out more about me.

Oh and the day after he emailed me, he took his profile down....

What does everyone else think?

Gaby

Posted by: zerofear at May 17, 2009 4:37 PM

Hi All,

We just have to accept that people are people and want what they want...and sadly, it may not be us when we are attracted to them...sucks truly, but lifes a bitch!!

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at May 17, 2009 4:33 PM

Posted by: goldlion01 at May 17, 2009 1:56 PM

Goldlion, i just wanted to say i hear you and agree 100% with your post but obviously from the female point of view.

I think that internet dating because of the concept of.. look at the pic..read the profile..does it strike a chord..nope then click next. Its so easy for people to dismiss someone for some perceived "flaw".

For people to take time to get to know you means there needs to be the chance to meet, greet and chat..i personally dont think that can be done on a website...hence meeting people through shared activity etc is the better option.

I am not saying everyone is like that on here, it just seems to be mostly that way. And every second profile asks for a REAL profile, without glam shots, and no princesses etc..but still it goes on.

At times, i have found it to be very demoralising, but mostly i have developed a thick skin over it all..is that a good thing or not??

Cheers, and all the best :)

Posted by: violetsareblue67 at May 17, 2009 3:27 PM

Hi All,

Sweetmixture; the thing is that if you keep trying to work these things out, you will go insane. Who knows why people do things; they just do. I have been in that situation myself...I was seeing a woman (absolute fantastic human being in all senses of the word), but ended the relationshp abruptly, without any reason (not that she told me anyway). It may seem cold, but I just said to her "its your decision and I will respect that"...I never asked her why, and have never stressed about it.

Figjam is an acronym; it means

F@#K
I'm
Good
Just
Ask
Me

Posted by: notafigjam at May 17, 2009 2:33 PM

Imagine the wonderful relationships that could be forged if people weren't demanding nothing less that 110% of perfection. If people actually got to know someone rather than dismiss them on the basis of pure aesrthetics. Looks plays a part, but are we expecting too much, do looks dissipate as we get to know someone and see the true person behind the facade? Does someone's beauty fade if their personality is ugly or are we so obsessed with appearance that we are willing to accept ugly traits in a beautiful package?

I write this not to antagonise but to generate discussion as I really want to know what do women want in a man because so far it's nothing I am. And what has prompted this exceedingly long list of criteria that you must meet? I was walking down the street yesterday and saw a beautiful girl with her boyfriend, he was a good three inches shorter than her and she was wearing flat shoes, he wasn't overweight, bald or old just looked like a normal average guy. I thought to myself there is someone who actually got to know a guy and didn't cast him aside because looks or height, that's why she is not on a singles dating site, maybe there would be less members here if there were more women like her, so whoever they are the very best of luck to them and a long and happy life together.

I don't expect to find anyone on this site or anywhere else for that matter as there always seems to be something which to me is quite trivial but to others isn't, the main one is height but I can't do a lot about that. It's no big deal it's just the way life is, deal with it and keep living I guess but is does get frustrating when you constantly read that people are seeking someone with a sense of humour, fun, funny etc but neglect to mention it must come in a Hugh Jackman, Brad Pitt, George Clooney package.

Posted by: goldlion01 at May 17, 2009 1:56 PM

Thanks everyone for your help - I'll spend some time reading through the archives, and try and get a handle on this strange (and, may I say, very purple (!)), world.

Posted by: bellissima2 at May 16, 2009 4:59 PM

Sweetmixture, You did nothing wrong on your dates with that man.He just wasn't emotionally attracted, that is all. At least he had the decency and respect to tell you, some men don't even have that courtesy. Rsvp can be a fickle place and sometimes there are genuine people on here, players and people who just want an ego fluff. I hope you find what you are looking for, as there is a lid for every pot.

Posted by: majik14u at May 16, 2009 3:00 PM

Posted by: preludio at May 16, 2009 10:50 AM

You got it in one preludio, great advice. Just let it unfold. There are some great people out there(in the internet ether.)

Hope your all have a great weekend.

Ciao Latte

Posted by: time4latte at May 16, 2009 2:27 PM

You're welcome latte, hope it goes well for you, and you have a smile on your face with a positive response....hope everyone has a great weekend....may the sun shine on you all...!!

Posted by: virgowoman2 at May 16, 2009 2:00 PM

Posted by: iaminperth at May 16, 2009 10:43 AM

Thank you for your comments iaminperth. Yes, I agree that it was good of the guy to actually call me but then his manners were impeccable. Will definitely remember the dates as good ones, even if surprised at outcome and will move on. (smiles)

Posted by: sweetmixture at May 16, 2009 1:30 PM

Hello bellissima2, I am also new but I think what is happening with you is that the people contacting you may have paid an amount to be entitled to RSVIP privileges. These entitle the member to send as many kisses as they want to during the life span of their RSVIP contract. If they have not paid for any stamps or their supply of stamps has run out, they cannot begin an email to you etc so they are probably wanting you to use your stamps (or for you to buy some stamps) to initiate more contact. The contacts may not wish to spend anymore money.

This has happened to me also so I think what I have said is probably pretty accurate. Good luck in your search (smiles)

Posted by: sweetmixture at May 16, 2009 1:02 PM

Don't Drink and Drive.... Don't Drive and Dive.
Have a nice weekends to all.

I have a lunch date till dinner with the one... c ya.

Posted by: mohegansun at May 16, 2009 12:06 PM

Quick response to Bellissima2. Read the blogs archives would give you much to learn in these net dating games.

I met few nice guys via rsvp they are decent and professionals, it just happened we're all have different taste to look at.

Just beware of "salty heart clubs guys, they are just like a Trojan horses, this people continuously on the loose widespread in net games. Listen and trust your guts instincts.

Posted by: mohegansun at May 16, 2009 12:00 PM

Thanks sweetmixture, i did misspell Chuck Norris surname as im more concern on Nourishment. hehe.

Posted by: mohegansun at May 16, 2009 11:34 AM

Hey Bellissima2 welcome to the world of confusion RSVP style. Take a deep breath, learn the art of patience and have a positive approach and you'll be fine. You must understand however that not everyone else on the site thinks and behaves the same way you do. It can be frustrating but lots of fun.

Good Luck !!

Posted by: preludio at May 16, 2009 10:50 AM

Sounds like he's just not interested in you as much as you were interested in him and he decided to put a stop to it. I think it sounds good he called to let you know. Who knows the reason but I am sure it is very valid to him so just move on, remember it as a nice experience and keep going.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 16, 2009 10:43 AM

Hello all, I am new to this game, and have a question. I have received lots and lots of kisses ( I am very surprised!), and I have responded to all of them. Often, I respond, and then I get another kiss - it is almost as though they have not received my initial response. I can see that 2 people have added me to their favourites. I am wondering if my profile is working???? What does it all mean???

Posted by: bellissima2 at May 16, 2009 10:00 AM

Thank you Mohegansun and yes I do remember Chuck Norris. I just love a a touch of humour in posts (smiles)

I think I need all the advice I can get to help me with this RSVP dating stuff (rolls my eyes) So any advice from regulars and professionals to the dating site game would be much appreciated!

Just had my first puzzling "sorry but it's not happening, phone call"

Now I am not a naive woman but the reason I was very puzzled is that he initiated the first contact which I was, although nervous, eager to take up. This was followed by not only 1 date, but each time he would say "what are you doing tomorrow?" so there was a succession of great relaxing times together where I thought we were getting to know each other so very well although I did have to let him know that I didn't want to rush into an intimate relationship too soon but rather take my time to allow things to develop naturally and in their own time. Anyway I was absolutely dumbfounded when after a lovely evening the night before followed by a morning and afternoon date I received a disappointing and bewildering phone call. Maybe I am naive but I thought we were getting along famously and enjoyed all our dates immensely. Again I reiterate that he instigated most of the dates and we took turns in paying for coffee etc. He always seemed to enjoy my company I thought and if he hadn't then why did he initiate other meetings? We explored a great deal of each others past (this was mutual) but I certainly don't think I came on too strong in any way..maybe that was the trouble! I am not sure, (and he didn't say why) but perhaps I should say to myself "Welcome to the dating game!"

I certainly was not expecting the first date to be the last one but as I said before, it did surprise me when I received the phone call. Having said all that, I appreciated the honesty and the fact that I did receive a phone call, as from reading other posts, I see that some people just back off without a word.

Regardless of the outcome, I was very impressed with him overall and thought he was a very nice gentleman and don't regret the time spent with him as I had a very enjoyable time. This is where the resilience comes in so I will not let the whole experience stop me from embarking on another date sometime in the future!

What do you think went wrong, or what do you think I did wrong? Would welcome any comments or advice to keep up my sleeve for the future!

Posted by: sweetmixture at May 16, 2009 9:55 AM

Oh.. Thank you SweetMixture, I apologise as my profile is hidden, If you know Chuck Nourish (american actor during 70's-80's) I am related to him by birth, but I'm happy to be skinny. I love your profile name "sweetmixture" really inspired me to have a good appetite, also it suits you well so sweet as lovely as your ideas in your post ..nice indeed.
Have a nice weekends. SweetSmileMixture too.

M-oh eg. an Sun

Posted by: mohegansun at May 16, 2009 4:01 AM

I love Fig Jam, it is one of the nicest ever. I had a fig tree in my garden at one time but it got so big and just seemed to be taking over. The leaves fall also and get everywhere and when the figs became too ripe I just couldn't keep up with it and we had figs everywhere as well. I cut it down but now wish I had a little one. Where did you get the name Bob, it's interesting.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 15, 2009 11:25 PM

Posted by: iaminperth at May 15, 2009 6:47 PM
Thank you for remembering me, Perth. But my brain is occupied with other things so no thoughts that fit the blog content right now. Also, I have not started any dating, so it is good for me to just sit back and read others comments. But it feels a bit like in an alien place though when only your name is familiar.

Have a very good weekend, Perth.

Posted by: ahappyending at May 15, 2009 10:40 PM

Not all of us are controlled in our thinking or in what we may reply to someone who is conversing with us. We may fire something back to another in conversation, as our thoughts may be triggered by the last thing the other person has said, so in fact this could be about someone else with whom we have had a relationship. Words are uttered before we have had time to think about what we are saying at times. Conversation is like that. It just flows. If we stopped and always thought for a few seconds before we replied to those we are conversing with then I think our conversation would be more calculating than responsive.

In fact much of what notafigjam says is quite true. We can sometimes gain an interesting and informative insight into what makes a person t ick by them relating past experiences and their thoughts on these experiences but certainly there would be many details one would not want to know lol

Posted by: sweetmixture at May 15, 2009 8:27 PM

Oh Mohegansun, I do so love your quirky sense of humour such as this: Quote: Well, my contacts heaps almost over the moon, hiding my profile is the best way cos having a beauty, brain common senses and achievement too much for guys to bear. I got this somekind of magical charms, men's look at into my eyes they got this kind of nerved to jump over me, whilst guys haven't meet me yet reading my post fall over, and those known and seen me of my achievement stalking me Keep up the good work. We all need to smile a little more than we do. (smiles)

Posted by: sweetmixture at May 15, 2009 8:13 PM

Hello Daiha and welcome here. Thanks for your nice comments. Keep blogging along and chuck a few ideas and thoughts in as well. Don't reveal too much of yourself though as this is a very public forum and you never know who may be peeping !

Posted by: iaminperth at May 15, 2009 6:49 PM

Happy, fold your wings and come back to earth for a little while, lol !

Posted by: iaminperth at May 15, 2009 6:47 PM

Also talking to a nearly perfect stranger about anything as intimate as past relationships seems a little poor form to me and it's none of their business. I hate to hear anyone bring up past perceived hurts or damage done by someone else, to a complete stranger, just find it boring, tedious and very self serving because the other person has no right of defence at all.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 15, 2009 6:43 PM

Hi Bob, Surely when you meet someone the conversation is not about what happened in the past and who with. I just can't see anything positive coming out of that. You can't change the past, so what's the point of rehashing it. I would just clam up and leave as soon as possible, and have done in the past if someone just wants to talk about past relationships. I would be looking more to hearing what the person is doing now with their life and that is the greatest indication of how they have handled the past in my opinion. I can't be bothered listening to people moan on about their past unless it's something happy and funny that happened at some time. Surely the indicator is how they are now and what they want to do in the future and the let the past be, where it should be, in the past.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 15, 2009 6:41 PM

Hi all, Thank you to virgowoman2 and simply summer, I agree with you, surely we can meet whoever we want to meet and not be programmed. I would prefer to meet a man closer to my age if possible and as I am not a 'cougar', I do not encourage the 20-30 somethings.

Bob, why "notafigjam"? I think it is healthy to talk about past relationships, successes and failures, its like free therapy and makes people closer for knowing a bit of each others history.

Posted by: time4latte at May 15, 2009 5:49 PM

Why do people who are not over their ex's and not actually open to a new relationship if the opportunity presents itself, think they have the right to be on RSVP contacting people?
Please stay away and leave this site to the people who are ready.
I have had four such women (men do it too I know) contact me only to give me the "I am still not quite over my ex" after what seemed like a good first meeting, thus giving me some reason to feel optimistic.
Stay away please.

Posted by: sme1969 at May 15, 2009 4:48 PM

Hi All,

I dont encourage my daes to talk about past relationships in order to psychoanalyse them, I do it because I am interested in them and it does put some people at ease to know that you are actually interested. When they tell me about them, I can tell if I am what they are looking for in a guy...even if they think I am, I might not have the same feelings.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at May 15, 2009 12:56 PM

Hello, Perth !

This is my first comment and English is not my native language, please forgive my mistakes. I just want to say, that I really appreciate that you share your thoughts here, it helps me a lot to understand better, what is going on.
Warm regards,
Daiha

Posted by: daiha at May 15, 2009 11:23 AM

Perth I'm real, perhaps your guardian angel, love to read your articles, lovely wise indeed.
Well, my contacts heaps almost over the moon, hiding my profile is the best way cos having a beauty, brain common senses and achievement too much for guys to bear. I got this somekind of magical charms, men's look at into my eyes they got this kind of nerved to jump over me, whilst guys haven't meet me yet reading my post fall over, and those known and seen me of my achievement stalking me. You see, not all good things are great and favourable. very hard on my part to find the truth about guys sincerity, anyway I'm not worried much coz I'm destined to someone by fate I guess. At the moment I'm into cooling off period and trying to relax while I still can, otherwise when my time has come I'm no longer free as butterfly. Oh don't get too serious of this post of mine, maybe I'm just joking. Except my admiration to you which is true indeed.

Posted by: mohegansun at May 15, 2009 8:40 AM

Good luck latte...We're all here to try and find that special someone...I'm keeping my fingers and my toes crossed for you..!!

Posted by: virgowoman2 at May 15, 2009 8:33 AM

Previously, I commented here on 'rsvp speed dating' but obviously didn't explain myself. My issue is not with older men but with what I see as the subtle 'programming' that is going on - by determining that women must ONLY seek men 15 years older than themselves - see rsvp guidelines for speed dating. Would you not feel somewhat 'controlled' if as a 60 year old male - you were excluded from meeting women of your own but rather only permitted to attend functions with 75 year old women? I'm not trying to be offensive - its an honest observation - nothing more - perhaps I am wrong and most 50 year old women are not interested in men their own age? Or dare I suggest younger? Of course I know its totally cool for guys to be interested in women their own age or even according to many many profiles - 15 years younger. Are my comments really that outrageous or am I really upsetting the apple cart?

Posted by: simplysummer at May 14, 2009 9:26 PM

M how can you 'do interviews' your dates and indeed have any contacts when you have a hidden profile. Get real !

Posted by: iaminperth at May 14, 2009 8:22 PM

Posted by: diditforlove at May 14, 2009 6:18 PM Of course you are right. I suppose, if at first I don't succeed etc etc etc... I had forgotten how much effort it takes to form relationships and friendships. You really have to put yourself out there and hope something clicks. Totally worth it, so far I have met some terrific people.

Posted by: time4latte at May 14, 2009 6:50 PM

Posted by: time4latte at May 14, 2009 5:53 PM

It's called 'jumping in feet first.' We're a long time dead.

Posted by: diditforlove at May 14, 2009 6:18 PM

Hi All,

Let me know your thoughts, what happens when you have found a profile that grabs you and you want to make contact but are nervous about what the outcome might be.

Posted by: time4latte at May 14, 2009 5:53 PM

Hi majik 14u...your post at 14 May 12:05 AM.

I absolutely understand you're trying to say. You are right, should not to put off or down-grade a person, whatever happened in their past, is a part of past that nothing can change about that,..also there is time to discuss any relevant stories with person when the timing is right,... What I am trying to expressed is,... this is a dating net world, you going to meet the person base on their looks and personality, The first impression is definitely counts a lots to tell the person who they are, why need to waste and spend your time after the first date or second date if you know the person is Not right person you're looking for, NO common grounds interest and no manners of good conducts '...You could notice the differences during first meeting either you like them or not, then,...you can escape and leaved them peacefully as one added to your dating research experiences,.. dealing with strangers- I prefer to let them talk and talk, say they wanted to say while my checklist is checking if they pass my credentials or should I return them back to RSVP site. then NEXT,.. this will gives me a time and effort not wasted at all. also save me from heartache and headache and misleading deception.
So, the solution is, if you can't abide with their issues are, then run and hide from them.

But,..But...unless there is attraction and willingness to change dramatically from season to season then,.. it's a different issue that are essentials to pay attention about them that's keeps you wanting, waiting, might change in miracles...oh,.just my imagination to say...

Posted by: mohegansun at May 14, 2009 12:02 PM

Personally speaking, I like to find out about a persons past relationships (hoping the truth is told of course)..it can be used as a good indicator as to their track record. When you go to the races, you normally check on the form of a horse before you put your money on it...much the same with people I think.

Virgowoman2.

Posted by: virgowoman2 at May 14, 2009 9:57 AM

Bob I'm with you on that post 14 May 10:45PM.
There's nothing wrong with you neither do I,

I do interviews my dates regarding their previous relationship if they are willing to open it up even in slightly stories, I am interested to hear and listen, base on that, I can psychologically analyse their inner personality. It's a big points of knowing a person whatabouts,..whereabouts,..do & don't,...communication is a must for me, it doesn't matter what lies they keep on telling, It could easily spot the good one from the wrong person, by listening their stories and, most important words is their vocab what they saying about others and ask them again ...if the words were not exactly what you heard before then ..definitely a BS person. It will show from their nervous systems the difference between experiences and their created imagination.

If you want to know a 100% assurance of what to expect,.. look at the relationship within his family will give many clues, who he is,... Secondly,...Look at how they treated the relationship in their past..., surest way the person will treated the same way. Because that's the way they behave, and nothing can ever change - how they loved and lived by......!
Leopards never change their spot.

Posted by: mohegansun at May 14, 2009 9:18 AM

Bob, Nothing is wrong with you, it is just on the first and second date, ex partners should not be discussed at all, there is a time and place sometimes. It can be very off putting hearing a person continuously go on and on about their past so soon and can be very uncomfortable as well. A person's past isn't going to make me judge them if I want to see them or not, it is how well we communicate and also common interests.The past should be left in the past, our past moulds us for what we really look for or want in a future relationships. Yes we will have learnt valuable experiences and knowledge from that but if they person was so great etc they would still be with them now or part of their future.

Posted by: majik14u at May 14, 2009 12:05 AM

Hi All,

Must be something seriously wrong with me....I actually encourage my dates to talk about their past; including their relationships. I think that who they are is all about their past experiences, especially relationships, and it helps me to decide if I am the right sort of guy for them (I know who I am and what I am capable of providing).

I really do not want to put myself in the position of taking advantage of a vulnerable woman (even innocently); nor do I want to be the next guy that hurts her; so all of this helps me assess who she is and what she might want from me.

bob

Posted by: notafigjam at May 13, 2009 10:45 PM

I have to admit it is something I absolutely detest when someone goes on and on about their ex partner/wife/husband. I find it is so degrading to the other person involved and after all they have presumably moved on. There was a time in all our lives I presume that we were in love with that person and just to focus on someones bad points, or rather perceived bad points is offensive to me. I think everyone needs to remember that we all have mothers fathers children etc., and we are someones child/mother/brother/sister. To have someone going around bad mouthing another person because of their experience I believe to be low. And I know in a lot of cases this is the mother/father of children who you have chosen to fulfil that role and the bad mouthing becomes even more tedious. It to me is also the sign of a total bore who can't think or talk about anything else.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 13, 2009 7:53 PM

I enjoy reading the blogs here, as everyone always has interesting comments and perspectives about different topics. I have found lately though, when on a date, some men continuously talk about their ex partners , and I know more about them than the actual person I went on the date with. If a male isn't over his ex, why is he on the dating scene if he is not ready. Put yourself out there if you are emotionally ready to date other people, as if can be fustrating hearing the "War Stories"...save them for another time later down the track. Isn't dating getting to know the person, to see if there is any attraction or spark for any future involvement with that person. Of course we will not be attracted or have a connection with everyone we meet, but it would be refreshing if some men would talk more about themselves and actually ask the female more about herself too. What makes a man want to see you for another date? What qualities are some men seeking? Are they more in touch with their emotional side rather than physical side to persue something?

Posted by: majik14u at May 13, 2009 10:59 AM

Friends can be a Lovers But Lovers can never be friends the same at it was....!

Posted by: mohegansun at May 13, 2009 4:56 AM

Thank you Bob, your honesty is always refreshing. Your friends must be grateful for your loyalty.

Ciao.
Latte

Posted by: time4latte at May 12, 2009 9:51 PM

You are right, 'stoprighthere', but whether it is for friend or lover, we all have to start somewhere and the profile is just a short summary of our physical appearance and simple expectations. Some are over zealous and others use but a few words...and yet both could gain the same amount of attention and hopefully the same result.

Posted by: time4latte at May 12, 2009 9:40 PM

Hi All,

Firstly time4latte, for me there is no way I will break a friendship for anyone; including another friend. Years ago a mate who was as close to me as a brother told me it was our friendship on the line if I stayed friends with a girl he hated (and she hated him)....we lost our friendship for many years and, although we are again mates, its not the same. I might say that the woman never put that on me and we are firm friends to this day.

I think that the right person (for me anyway) will realise by my actions towards her if she is special to me...any jealously she might have would be because of her own insecurities, but I would be making sure that she knew exactly where she stood in my life.

Speed dating...never tried it, but cant see it working for me...though I have met people of all ages who love it. In the end, its a personal thing, so why not give it a burl? One of the ladies who posts here mentioned that RSVP speed dating probably needs a rejig, as women in their 40's only get to meet old farts my age...bit sad when they are the most stunning group on all of RSVP....+ the early 50's or course!!

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at May 12, 2009 9:27 PM

Hmm.
Do we ever get all the answers we're looking for?
No.
Do we have expectations?
Yes.
Are they sometimes unrealistic?
Yes.
Do we keep doing the same thing day after day?
Yes.

We have expectations, both Female and Male of what we want. Nothing wrong with that.The Mr./Mrs. right perception is what everyone looks for. It's the delivery of those expectations that could be wrong. Or possibly the people who read the profiles read into them what they want to see rather than what is actualy there.

Forgive me for this, but i must comment that most of the profiles i have seen from, what i would call interesting Ladies have the same requirements. Must be this, must be that. Probably due to this multitasking thing.
What happened to must be able to breath and think for themselves.

There is someone for everyone out there, it's just how desperate or restrictive you want to be.

Posted by: stoprighthere at May 12, 2009 8:22 PM

Hi All,
You may have already discussed this but speed dating... is it something that should be left to Gen Y or Z? Be honest...is it like Friday night Karoke.

Latte

Posted by: time4latte at May 12, 2009 8:21 PM

Hi Bob, Is it possible to maintain the friendships that you have established along the journey. You said earlier that you have a lot of women who are close friends. Can you still have regular contact with your female friends while you are perhaps seeing a lady who does 'float your boat'. I think true friends are for life....So it can be tricky.
Latte

Posted by: time4latte at May 12, 2009 7:47 PM

Hi All,

I think the problem is (male or female) we get an impression in our brains as to what is ideal; and totally focus on that.

I want the "hot" girl, the same as every other bloke, but my idea of a "hot" girl is not your traditional sense of that; its in the eyes and smile, body type not that important...then she has some brains (but not necessarily brainy...probably common sense moreso). So long as she is a generally happy person that can hold up a conversation and focus on the fact that shes out with me and not her phone; we are getting in the general direction.

If a girl is really gorgeous (lookwise), its always an attraction, but if thats all she has to offer; it aint going to float.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at May 12, 2009 6:18 PM

Hi All, I am wondering, if you go out with a few people as friends and find the so called Mr Right, what then becomes of the friends with whom you have, probably by now strong bonds. Is this a dilemma for some?

Posted by: time4latte at May 12, 2009 5:43 PM

Always remember the difference between male and female of the same species.

Men are " single task" - they can only work/focused, only in single spot, that should be "one at the time"...eg. whilst watching TV, the function of their brain is shut-down from the rest of the tasks.

Women are " multi-task" - they can work/focused, mixing in many marks "at the same time.".. eg. whilst reading pocket books they can watch TV still, it's a multi function components a brain's Females have.

By that means the Males have a solid foundation to deal the specific subject that are needed... Whilst Females have varies in changes time to time. That's the "Facts"

Posted by: mohegansun at May 12, 2009 11:10 AM

Hey guys,

Just wanted to let you know how much I enjoy reading about your thoughts and comments...keep it up....have a great day..!

Posted by: virgowoman2 at May 12, 2009 8:04 AM

Hi Perth,

You know, I have been reading a few posts from various people and its interesting that they all seem to focus on that 1 person; everything going fine then suddenly nothing from that other person.

Could it be that that other person is sensing they are being "targetted" as "the one", and they are not ready for that, so they get cold feet and run?

I met a woman recently, like her too, but we are not going to be anything but friends. We have already planned to meet up again, but I for one, feel far more at ease with this meeting knowing that she has no expectations of me.

Bottom line is that I am not so worried about me and my expectations of a meeting (I dont have any), I am more worried that the person I meet might fixate on me; and I dont want to be another guy that hurts them.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at May 11, 2009 10:04 PM

and Bob, just going on that tack again. I think some people are trying to fill a void in their life and try to push you into this slot. They are missing something and by some sort of irrational reasoning they think that by meeting another person, this new person will fill up the gaps left by the old person. All very nice I suppose for them but then the new person goes, well no, I'm not going to do that. All sorts of problems can happen then, too much pressure and completely ignoring the fact that the new person has feelings and wants and needs of their own. The me me me culture is very strong I believe and it doesn't work. For me, I almost have a switch which turns very quickly to off when meeting a person like this. I just turn off like a light globe and never want to see them again, it's all too much, too soon and I find it insulting that someone could think so little of me and bored because they are so self absorbed. It's a little like, I've stuffed up my last relationship and that's ending so I'll find someone new and they will fill the void and I don't give a toss what they think. Well, no, you are just a needy bore and I am not, so buzz off and keep looking elsewhere thank you as I am not going to be your mother and your keeper and you need to get your own life in order prior to starting a new one. I don't know who are the worse males or females.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 11, 2009 9:58 PM

Why it is difficult to meet women who genuinely wants friendships first without putting a timeline on the dating process???

Bob, I tried to analyse this issues..about your question above...

" If " the word...If I was to make a gross generalisation about the sexes, ..I'd say the difference is this... Women go fishing between the lines and hook themselves a negative interpretation whilst staying much longer to be friendship with a male without further overanalyzing what is their roles if they want to close the deal in relationship..

While,..Blokes who dangle a line in the same waters catch themselves a positive reading in keeping the friendship in the first place of knowing..but they are more excited without testing the water at first???who cares what the next issues.

Women are giver Men are receiver...both have different image that affect their perceptions of the dating world. There is No shortage of times But should have listen to the first impression to matters of the heart and brain saying...

if they knew they going to win over that relationship..Women will send the signal of smoke to flirt, if is came to life, Surely they got their line in the water and hoping for the bite...( a fishing metaphor).

If you ask me I won't go for friendship with males without further test, just trying to avoid Temptation...because this one was important to me. Because if I don't have much invested in the outcome ..I can't let it ride easily ..But when it's maybe something- someone- that I want,..then I'm too eager to do what my guts tells me. The evidence of signal was really there...I don't do anything to stay in fishing line to dangle myself in messy situation.....No way...

Posted by: mohegansun at May 11, 2009 9:14 PM

Hi Bob, I know exactly what you mean. I can't do the 'in a hurry thing' either. I need time to get to know another person, to know who they really are. This instant attraction thing is not for me. Sure, I can think someone is attractive and interesting, but that is it, they are attractive and interesting, so next I would like to move along and build on that. I can't do the 'instant' thing or the 'public' thing. We are friends after a few meets, maybe good friends but we are not more. I am more than happy to share my life, my family, my home to create a nice environment with anyone, but it is a slower process for me to become completely involved in that other person. I need to know 'who they are' before becoming involved, and so far that hasn't happened on a long term basis.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 11, 2009 8:52 PM

Hi Perh,

No problems at all....I am happy with things as they are, but it seems that it is difficult to meet women who GENUINELY want friendships first without putting a timeline on the dating process.

My attitude is I dont put a timeframe on things....how can you say for sure if you will know enough about someone after 3 to 5 dates to commit to anything serious? Sure, you might know a bit about them after that, but even friendships take time to develop, so what makes us think that something deeper will take less time?

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at May 11, 2009 7:47 PM

Perth.....your welcome and thanks .
Good advise...all you can do is keep on keeping on, if it's gonna happen it will . I've been on and off this site for 12 months now and I've met some really nice ladies a couple of whom I became romantically involved with...it didn't work but we're still friends .Then of course there were the "meal ticket chasers".....good riddance to bad rubbish....Hey you never know what's around the corner.....so as long as we're breathing there's hope........

Posted by: mrcheekyone at May 11, 2009 4:53 PM

Hi Bob, So what exactly is the problem. I would think your response is pretty normal and a committment is just that and not to be taken lightly. Just keep; being smart and keep doing what you are doing and I think eventually you will meet someone really nice and maybe make a life together if that is what you are looking for. Before that time, keep free and independent and just keep on going. I do know what you mean about the commitment thing and it is not to be taken lightly, or I don't at least. Stay free and stay good and honest to yourself and everyone else and things will fall into place, I am sure of that.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 10, 2009 11:15 PM

Had the best breakfast ever by the beach in a beautiful restaurant with family this morning and the rest of the day was spent in the garden. After the breakfast had the tracky daks on and it was into it, digging, moving, cutting, playing with the dog, sweeping, hosing and generally getting really really dirty. Had the best day ever, peeled out of the rubbish clothes about 6 had a shower and into the good stuff, glass of red in hand, ready to cook light dinner and then slide between the sheets happy. I love days like that, and we do them quite often.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 10, 2009 10:37 PM

Hey thanks Cheeky, That's really nice of you. This mum did have a great day and it went on all day. Thanks for the thought.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 10, 2009 9:43 PM

To all the Mums......have a great day

Posted by: mrcheekyone at May 10, 2009 10:09 AM

Resilience is an absolute pre-requisite if you are rsvp'ing - you can meet someone who seems soooo totally right for you and you believe that they're feeling the same - then what seems to you to be an amazingly tiny glitch turns it completely around and the other party ends it before you even get started! Wow - really knocks you over momentarily! But its actually a blessing because you HAVEN'T 'started'. You pick yourself up and go back to square one. My acceptances of 'coffee' is still basically limited to an amount less than the fingers on my hand - due to such an incident - which is cool - its made me soooooooo cautious. Its seems natural even though not desirable from my point of view - that the people who are 'summing you up over coffee' would have a list of others whom they ALSO contacted. Pretty competitive when you're a female. Men seem to have a due date that expires decades after females from their viewpoint. RSVP sent me info on 'speed dating' and I was pretty disappointed to continue to program us ALL - they have age brackets for attendance - so if you are over 49 and female then you can only attend functions with men under 65. If you want to speed date under 55 - tough!! - too old apparently. I heard someone say once that women over 40 are invisible to men under 55 and I laughed - Reality bites - but its allowed me view rsvp for a purpose other than 'prospective dates' That is, to be sidetracked into 'blogging' ..................fun!

Posted by: simplysummer at May 9, 2009 6:59 PM

To Ezygoing77,

I completely empathize with your frustration. I've posted something similar about a week ago. It is definitely a pet hate of mine and completely rude of people who do that. At the end of the day, they're not people you would want to know anyway so don't let it get to you.

For me, another dislike of mine which speaks volumes of people, is not even bothering to look at your profile if you have sent them a "kiss" of interest. Clearly they have made a superficial decision based on the photo. That's fine, no attraction, but then their profile filters no particular physical attributes yet there are similar interests or personality traits which indicate a good match. That's why I was interested in the first place. Very confusing and disappointing.

A friend of mine made a good point about rsvp and other dating sites. There are so many people available that there is a risk that people only make a cursory look. If there is some minor issue preventing a perfect match, no worries there is always the next profile. For most of us, we are genuinely putting ourselves out there with the expectation that others are doing the same. Regrettably, just like offline dating, this is not always the case.

In reality, we can only ever take a profile on face value. We still need to take a risk, make contact and get to know people the old fashioned way. Talk, meet and let our instincts go from there. We are tactile beings and meeting people online is very unnatural for us. It is simply another medium of introduction. Nothing more than that.

So, if you receive some interest, I encourage you to at the very least check out their profile. It takes 1 sec to click and maybe a few more to read. Really no excuse. You never know what you may be missing out on if you don't.

Cheers peeps :)

Posted by: hai2you at May 9, 2009 4:57 PM

Hello all, this is my first time posting on here so hopefully this makes sense.

It's good to see that I'm not the only one who has experienced people not replying to kisses. How hard is it to click an option then click reply????? Maybe RSVP could look at providing a free stamp for everyone with 80% or higher reply rate as an incentive. Just a thought. I've been on this site around 6 weeks and after 30 or so kisses I'm proud to say my reply rate is 100%

The other thing I've found frustrating is being contacted by someone, and I reply then all then they just seem to drop off the face of the earth. Does anyone else find it frustrating when it takes a week for someone to reply after you contact them? I know they often say they've been busy when they do finally reply, but to me if they were really interested then they would have replied sooner. Then again, I'm a reply straight away sort of person.

I guess I can now say I've given RSVP a try, although for me it probably won't be long until I say goodbye to the profile, and a couple of stamps too!

Posted by: ezygoing77 at May 9, 2009 2:17 PM

Hi All,

I dont understand the serial daters at all. I have been on and off RSVP now for about 5 years (that in itself is sad, but you can get hooked) and have been on about 10 dates in all of that time. Had a couple of short-term relationships, but nothing really has developed.

I like women as much as the next bloke, but who wants to date everyone that contacts you, why would you do that? For me, I am interested in meeting people whom interest me and with whom I might want to befriend....then see if something develops. I am not looking for magic immediately (it wont happen) because I want to get to know someone before any sort of commitment.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at May 9, 2009 10:05 AM

greeneyednikita, I totally here what you are saying. This person also was back online after every date we had, then started putting himself invisible. I never asked why he was on here, but I am no fool as well, so was suprised when he kept ringing and suggesting dates. I thought he was sincere and a lovely person, but at no times got the impression he was not interested, far from the that. But after no contact for nearly two weeks and couldn't even reply to my sms when I asked if he wanted to seize contact , he should have been polite to just say so and be honest. I was not one to annoy him, and he is still on rsvp, so girls watch out for the serial dater lol, I hope he doesn't disappoint other women on here with his charm...and if he reads this, so be it, he is the biggest loser here and I am the winner for finally realising what a rude, inconsiderate and dishonest person he is. I hope another woman does to him what he did to me

Posted by: majik14u at May 8, 2009 10:54 AM

Yes, its a minefield isn't it. But 'cheating'? I thought that was something men did because they could. That is, they don't unless they can - or perhaps they don't have the energy. How bitter and twisted does that sound? Talk about 'how to make friends and influence people!!' I left school very young and became a court reporter. Once pregnancy came into the picture I used the 'time out' to study - new career. As a young girl I was absolutely swamped with male attention - including a serious amount of married men. I learned very early that a pretty young thing turns the heads of most men - regardless of marital status.
Married woman - babies - graduates. New work place - attention from most males of suitable age (including married men) until they discovered that I was not available. Now its often subtle and sometimes overt but its always, always very clear. So cheating? I know there must be men who don't - I just haven't had the pleasure of meeting them yet! "To post or not to post?"
Can imagine the response and criticisms and almost feel like pre-empting your comments by responding now but I shall set aside my psychic tendancies and await your words of wisdom.

Posted by: simplysummer at May 6, 2009 10:29 PM

Majik ... I think you'll find that alot of people are never happy with what they have got. I met someone, we had our first date (which I thought went very well) and had planned a second. He is on this site and another. On the other you had the option of making yourself appear invisible (ie so it appears you are not online). I logged on the day after we discussed our second date and he quickly went invisible. I immediately sent him an sms and he said he was disconnected. Then he proceeded to tell me he was going to do some yard work. All this time he was online and hiding from me. I'm nobodies fool and I knew what he was doing. He eventually told me he was chatting with other women. After we exchanged words we removed each other from our contacts. After a couple of weeks he decided he wanted to talk to me again. A lie is a lie and I despise deception of any kind. If he had been honest with me and said he isn't sure and wanted to date other women before deciding, I would have accepted that.

The way I see it .... They make contact, they like what they see but still go on and look for better. They are never happy with what they find. I'm a firm believer that if you find someone you are interested in, then you put your 100% into that to make it work. If you are unsure, then that person is probably not the one for you. I suppose it goes for both genders.

Posted by: greeneyednikita at May 6, 2009 8:56 PM

I must admit that I don't understand why people play such devious games on each other. Myself I have been in chat rooms where there have been so many games played ultimately some being in very bad taste. I guess online, it is very difficult to know if someone is sincere or not but certainly home phone numbers and home addresses as notafigjam previously stated I think would indicate that the person has nothing to hide if you popped by or gave him/her a call.

Men and women can play nasty games for their own selfish reasons so without changing the person you are, it helps to be a little cautious and also having a good memory helps lol. If something indicates to you that there is deception transpiring then it probably is. Our instincts can be very perceptive although even they won't help when it comes to certain people who are such good actors when it comes to getting what they want!

Posted by: sweetmixture at May 6, 2009 8:11 PM

Hello boys and girls.......Just back from OS and decided to check out the bloggs....many valid comments and some..lets say not so valid .
I have done some field research .I had recently closed my previous RSVP account because of the lack of response from and downright rudeness of some women here . So I decided create a new profile...adding some sleazyness to it and ommiting the fact I have young teenage children living at home.....and posted it ......
Did I hear a collective moan of horror .
Hey guys...it worked...the very same ladies that didn't answer or weren't interested in kisses and emails from my old profile were suddenly attracted to me . Go figure.....you know who you are.

Posted by: mrcheekyone at May 6, 2009 7:12 PM

Hi Kazmaree,

You are not alone, I vaguely remember reading a few blogs in the past where women have gushed about meeting "the man of my dreams" only to wake up to the nightmare of reality...they are married!!

Its really a difficult issue how you possibly screen these guys; I guess the only way is to make them wait and not sleep with them until you have been to their place, or can call them at home....over to the girls on this one.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at May 6, 2009 6:30 PM

Re: She had your mobile number and she lived close by and you didn't know he was married !

Posted by: iaminperth at May 5, 2009 9:42 PM

She got my number from his mobile phone and wasn't sure who I was. He lives close by but I never go pass the place, you have to go out of your way to go there as it is not on the way anywhere.

We live in the same town (fortunately not a small one) but don't seem to cross paths normally. I'm moving soon, so problem of possibly running into either party will be over. Not that I would know what she looks like.

Even though I was deceived, I still feel quilty about it and angry that I was put in this situation as it is something I would never intentionally do no matter how much I liked the guy.

Posted by: kazmaree at May 6, 2009 4:19 PM

Actually Bob I took your comment on "average" as meaning the intention you stated. i.e. as a compliment.

It is my comment that makes it look bad. Oops, My meaning was meant to mean that lots of guys call themselves average, but in my eyes far exceed average.

Jen (Who should read what she writes. And thinks most men are gorgeous. Well the majority of the ones I have met are.)

Posted by: jenniferhi at May 5, 2009 11:24 PM

whoaw ! a cross examination here !

Posted by: mohegansun at May 5, 2009 10:50 PM

Posted by: kazmaree at May 5, 2009 9:07 PM
Quote:So when is an affair an affair? In my opinion, I was not having an affair but he was.
Hmmm according to the dictionary, this is the definition of an affair of your kind:
Affair = A romantic and sexual relationship, sometimes one of brief duration, between two people who are not married to each other.

So I guess you were both having "the affair" by that definition.

As far as "cheating" goes though, if the man constantly referred to the wife as the ex or divorced then you understandably thought he was single and were being deceived. It could have been a lot more messy for you considering the circumstances and the distance involved regarding the man's domestic home. Count your lucky stars it ended quickly!

Posted by: sweetmixture at May 5, 2009 10:31 PM

She had your mobile number and she lived close by and you didn't know he was married !

Posted by: iaminperth at May 5, 2009 9:42 PM

I am after other people's opinion on 'at what point does a relationship become an affair'.

I was seeing someone for four weeks and everything was going smoothly until I get a phone call at 1am from a female asking if I am having a affair with her husband.

This man always used the word divorce, ex-wife etc in the conversation and lead me to believe he was divorced. So when is an affair an affair? In my opinion, I was not having an affair but he was.

Although this was a little while ago now it still gets to me thinking that the wife probably has no idea that her spouse goes around telling females he is divorced. And I'm the one that gets the bad reputation. Luckily she only had my mobile phone number and not my address as we live pretty close by.

Fortunately, it all ended before it became too involved.

Posted by: kazmaree at May 5, 2009 9:07 PM

Majik14u:- Unfortunately most males (not all of us though) tend to think with the head between their legs rather than the one on their shoulders. At the end of the day it's comes back to common sense and manners, and how common are either these days?

I was brought up rather strictly, where you always opened a door for a lady and let her through first, a gentleman always paid for a ladies meal etc if he took her out for the night, and you always stop and let a lady with a pram cross the road. How often does this happen these days????? I still do this even though on some dates I've had the lady say to me "I'm not a cripple I can open my own door, or pull my own chair out etc".

At the end of the day, as frustrating as it is it's their loss (well that's the method to my madness anyway)

Luckily enough us males are not all like it albeit the majority do seem to be these days and it certainly makes it all the more harder for the decent gents umoungst us to show ladies we are just that, decent and genuine guys.

I do believe heavily in karma, and what goes around comes around. So at the end of the day, if everyone treated each other as they'd like to be treated then it would be a far better place to live :)

Posted by: decentandgenuine at May 5, 2009 8:01 PM

Hi All,

Kaz, all men are tools...even me at times (more times than I would like to admit actually)...but some of us are just more prolific than others and make a habit of it....and yes, I am grinning like a Cheshire cat, but only because its true!!

By the way, my comment about "average" was meant as a compliment, though I see how it could be misconstrued. So many gorgeous (looks wise) girls are really average, and so many so called average girls are gorgeous...they just dont know it yet.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at May 5, 2009 7:36 PM

Posted by: majik14u at May 5, 2009 2:26 PM

Welcome Majik1.......That's the spirit! He did miss out.....loser.

Posted by: jenniferhi at May 5, 2009 7:51 AM

Thanks Jen. Pure, open honesty from the heart.

Posted by: lafreek at May 5, 2009 5:06 PM

Thanks Bob and Boyd for your insight...very interesting. Yes, will know better next time, that person missed out on knowing someone fabulous anyway:)

Posted by: majik14u at May 5, 2009 2:26 PM

Bob and Boyd....
Two blokes that are in touch with their brains and speak hoestly...
bob it is good to see you back here, you are one funny bloke...l can imagine you saying what you wrote with a bemused expression on your face....yes ?? ........K

Posted by: auntykaz at May 5, 2009 9:39 AM

Boyd - You have such insights on things. And have a wonderful way with words. I love reading your insights and advise to others.

Bob - I think a lot of guys do just think this is a smorgasboard (better put women in that catagory as well or I'll be jumped on.)
Especially perhaps those that have come out of long-term relationships, and maybe that's ok for a time, but what is that time? When is it time to get serious about something worthwhile and fullfilling for the longterm.

Nice comment there re "average". From experience a lot of men claim "average" but are far from it also.

Jen

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at May 5, 2009 7:51 AM

Posted by: majik14u at May 4, 2009 6:45 PM

Hey Miss Majik,

Because we're men........we really suck!

But seriously, do you mean "why do men think its okay", or are you referring to the one man you experienced this with? I'll assume it's the one guy.

There's a whole heap of possible scenarios here. Firstly, maybe he just does suck. On the other hand he may have said those things because he was excited, happy and they just fell out of his mouth without thinking. Another scenario is that he's just immature and finds it difficult to communicate or express himself honestly. Lastly, maybe he wasn't into you and didn't have the balls, or decentcy to say so. You see, there are many possible reasons.

I believe we all have a responsibility to ourselves to listen to that little voice of ours and go with our gut. Let's not simply accept what people say; but question it. Gather the information derived from experience, feelings, the person involved and our gut; process it and look for flaws in the information...then ask questions.

He should have been honest and, perhaps, you should have asked questions.

Open, honest communication is the only way to go.

We're all different and handle things in different ways. Some with honesty, some with fear and so on.

Perhaps move forward with this in mind. From a female perspective; I bellieve men, generally, suck. This is because of the lack of emotional intelligence in most men. That's men. What you might do is work with it and develop a plan of attack to deal with them.

I wish you much better luck next time.

Boyd.

Posted by: lafreek at May 4, 2009 11:01 PM

Majik14U,

Simple answer...men are idiots...you have to understand that to most guys, this is a smogasbord and their eyes are bigger than their bellies.

Hey, so long as you are upfront, itdoesn't matter how many you date, but if you are making all sorts of undertakings.....??

On the other matter of "average"...there are plenty of women on here that describe themselves as "average" in some form....but there is absolutely nothing about them that is average

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at May 4, 2009 9:46 PM

I would like some comments from the guys on this one. Why do men think it is ok to go out on a few dates with one woman, show heaps of interest and even talk about future outings, then continue to peruse rsvp at the same time, , then bingo...sieze contact altogether..the mind boogles...I find it inconsiderate and rude. Be upfront if you have changed your mind or have found someone else on rsvp to date. I understand anyone can date whom they want if it isn't exclusive, but just be honest.

Posted by: majik14u at May 4, 2009 6:45 PM

A word of caution re RSVP email. If in doubt print the email or save a copy outside of RSVP. You may not get a second chance.

Having read a promising profile from a new woman member I bought some more stamps. sent her an email, got a very nice and fulsome reply to which I sent a further email. She emailed me this evening, then made her account inactive a few minutes later, thus removing my access to this last email. It might have said that she'd decided that internet dating wasn't for her, but thanks for my interest, goodbye. Or it might have said that she was getting too much unwanted attention so was suspending her profile but she would like us to maintain contact some other way. Either way, she (a 45-year old postgraduate from Melbourne, if you're her friend) may not know that I've not had the chance to read what she sent me. I have asked RSVP support to sent her a note telling her this and hope they will. Meanwhile I'm haunted by an inaccessible email in my inbox!

Posted by: docklander at May 3, 2009 10:44 PM

Thanks joanna1968 perhaps you are right. I'm not convinced that everyone on here has the same intentions as I do (ie just give it a go and see where it takes me). If being average is not good enough then this really isn't the place for me... at least it's impossible to take it personally because most guys haven't even bothered to try and get to know me! Ciao and good luck with your journey - I appreciate the positive feedback!

Posted by: scubamad1 at May 2, 2009 8:25 AM

To Lafreek, thanks and agree that they could mean different things to different people and yes I do clarify when contact is made. It only right to do so.

Thankfully, I've since corresponded with some amazing people here. People I was unlikely to ever meet offline. So for that I'm happy to have given it a go.

Thanks again for the feedback. Good luck out there peeps.

Cheers :)

Posted by: hai2you at May 2, 2009 12:15 AM

Oh, I forgot to say that it doesnt necessarily mean that I completely agree with that certain set of ideas.

So, questions:

Would you like to have a partner who would completely rely on you to do all the housework? I wouldnt.

Would you like to have a partner who constantly measures your attractiveness, desirability and your functionality? I wouldnt.

Would you like to have a partner who would never compliment you but constantly criticise you? I wouldnt.

Would you like to spend your life with a person who would ignore the fact that you would feel hurtful if he/she savours the idea of having a team to share his/her romantic heart? I wouldnt.

Well, I guess thats for today.

And by the way, the above are the attributes of an Alpha male, according to my readings. :0) A Beta male has not developed to such a superior level. And now when I think about it that if I cannot appreciate such superior qualities in an Alpha male, I guess I am a beta female then. What a horror, I am an undeveloped species? :0) Well, Id have better pack up and find myself a underground cave and cultivate my worthy existence ---- if I will have any luck. So, now you all know where I will be if you dont see me here. :0)

Have fun, everyone.

Posted by: ahappyending at May 1, 2009 6:01 PM

Posted by: icycle67 at May 1, 2009 4:24 PM

You're on the money.

Posted by: joanna1968 at May 1, 2009 4:24 PM

Ouch! What has the world come to when it's suggested that, perhaps, a verification process is required?

Posted by: scubamad1 at April 30, 2009 8:30 PM

I'd be interested to read your feedback once it's changed.

Posted by: lafreek at May 1, 2009 5:03 PM

Scubamad - I think you have a great profile and are a beautiful girl. Do not take things to heart.

I do believe that many men on RSVP (guys, you can knock me for this comment) are searching for a goddess to warm their beds and their heart. It would seem that average is just not good enough.

Given that many of these men are not an Adonis themselves is rather interesting.

Keep smiling.

Posted by: joanna1968 at May 1, 2009 4:57 PM

On the kids issue.....
I would prefer to find a lady with kids. I have kids and I believe that someone with kids will have a much better understanding of what's involved with being a parent and the issues that can be associated with kids in general and with kids and parents dating etc.

However, I will also try to shield my kids from any initial contacts I might have with prospective candidates until I am reasonably sure that both myself and the lady in question are keen to at least keep seeing each other on a regular basis. I'd rather not have my kids exposed to lots of different ladies where the contact leads to nothing. What do other parents think on this matter?

Posted by: icycle67 at May 1, 2009 4:24 PM

There are stories of people having lived with someone for years and never finding out that their partner perhaps had a child, or had been married previously or was hiding someone in the basement.

Would a verification process actually work here? I don't think so.

Posted by: joanna1968 at May 1, 2009 4:24 PM

Hai2you,

"A parting question. On this site, what does seeking friendship or short term relationship imply? Sorry if that's a noob question."

To me, "friendship" implies........wait for it....friendship.

To me, "Short term relationship" implies dating, with or without sex, for a short period of time.

It's best to ask these questions of those whom you're communicating with as, I'm sure, you'll get different responses. Why? because we're all different and that's just dandy.

Posted by: lafreek at May 1, 2009 4:03 PM

I have my share of misjudgment, too, which has made me learn to be more cautious, as people have feelings. But sometimes we can just forget our lessons, right? :0)

But being compassionate and empathy to others, being able to distinguish between right and wrong, being courageous, being wise, having the generosity to do good to others, being honest and admitting our shortcomings and never paying back to those who have inflicted any pain on us are good qualities --- my view only, anyway.

And I can see such qualities even without putting on glasses. :0) And I admire those who have such qualities.

Have a very good coming weekend, everyone.

Posted by: ahappyending at May 1, 2009 2:57 PM

One question: Do two people have common goals?

Havnt we seen that even getting angry with a third party or disagreeing with a certain set of ideas can bring two people closer? I guess that third party or even that certain set of ideas should be thanked for, too, right?

Posted by: ahappyending at May 1, 2009 2:55 PM

Glad someone mentioned the "look past the photo issue". I hate having my photo taken. I have some good ones from sisters wedding etc but I choose to put up the two worst ones I have. Why? If someone is going to be so shallow to look past you due to two terrible photos when you know you're a decent person then it's their loss and I wouldn't want to know them anyway.

What's even more funny, is there are more than 20 ladies off this site that I see on nearly a daily basis that have knocked me back on this site, yet some have expressed interest in getting to know me better in person. They don't even realise it is me on here as the photos are that bad lol.

As for people having children and finding it hard, at the end of the day we were all once kids. It's not the kids fault their parents are now single, and it's not the parents faults they are now single parents (unless you were cheating on your partner of course and it serves you right). Some guys act like clowns over the whole issue.

Woodwine:- I'd love to see the figures too on the ratio between men and women on the site, and actually a break down on the age groups too, but I have my sincere doubts as to wether RSVP would be willing to give such information.

Posted by: decentandgenuine at May 1, 2009 5:20 AM

I would have no problem with little kids being around, I love them. I find it a bit hard to believe that guys would expect a woman to hide them away or pretend they don't exist.

Anyway my problem is a bit different to others. I have been on here for 2 weeks now, and have received a number of kisses but all from women age 19-24. I am baffled why this is, especially because I'm only interested in more mature women.

I was really interested in one woman who was 36 and we exchanged a number of emails and seemed to have a connection, but i guess at the end of the day she wasn't attracted to me which is fair enough but still makes me feel sad.

If any women 30+ feel like giving me some brutal feedback on my profile + pics I would really appreciate it, write a post and i'll send you my pw.

Posted by: adb6 at April 30, 2009 11:24 PM

I agree Frogs, I mean what are they thinking, you are going to put your kids in a kennel when they turn up. It's ridiculous and if anyone wants a realtionship they need to accept kids, dogs, cats whatever and if they feel they can't do this, either don't make contact in the first place or walk away. I don't believe thre should be any hassle over this at all, it's just all part of living together.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 30, 2009 10:36 PM

I'm glad I came across this post. I'm pretty green (only a week in lol) to rsvp and online dating in general.

It seems to me that there are two camps. People seeking the one and people seeking the many. People seeking true friendships need not apply! I take time to read profiles before considering a kiss or even an email. So when I do send one out, I'm thinking I have something in common with the person based on their "ideal". This doesn't seem to be the case and my strike rate isn't too hot atm. I don't think I'm that boring or unattractive (LOL or maybe I am!) but appreciate that women may be getting a high number of hits so trying to not get a complex about it. I'm glad to see that the no response thing is common. I just think it's rude not to respond. Takes 2 seconds.

I think people should be more honest and detailed in their "ideal partner" info. If you don't want certain people "kissing" you then filter out the physical attributes you don't like just like the personality ones that most women seem to spend a great deal of time on.

Honestly, in terms of "ideal" what man is going to think they are not honest, down to earth, funny, fun loving, serious, well travelled, healthy or romantic. Very few I think. Many men can be all those things given the right moment although I know we can't be all things to all people. That would be boring.

I agree completely with nomorefrogs..."look past the photo" and you may be pleasantly surprised.

A parting question. On this site, what does seeking friendship or short term relationship imply? Sorry if that's a noob question.

Posted by: hai2you at April 30, 2009 10:21 PM

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. Lafreek I've taken your advice on the photo, and to answer your question yes I thought they were good matches, one in particular was an extremely good match (on paper anyway). I am just trying to understand why I am not getting any responses from the guys I've contacted. Clearly they have no manners but is there more to it? I don't know.

Posted by: scubamad1 at April 30, 2009 8:30 PM

Scubamad1, don't worry I have had the exact same problem as you and it looks like other girls have this problem to. I hardly ever send any kisses but probably 90 % of the ones that i have sent i have had no response. It seems to me like a lot of guys on this site don't like the girl making the first move. Sorry guys to generalise and that certainly doesn't mean all guys. I used to take it personally but it appears that it happens to a lot of girls. It is very hard to sum up someone with a couple of still shots and a brief description. Your photos look nice to me. Don't forget this is only one way to meet guys and is not multi dimensional.

Posted by: summernights72 at April 30, 2009 8:20 PM

If you are not interested in dating a person who has young children then don't make contact with them in the first instance. I can't speak for all single parents but it is very unreasonable for people to assume that you can have a meaningful relationship if they only ever want to see you in your non-children time. So the moral to this story is if read peoples profile, look past their photo.

Posted by: nomorefrogs at April 30, 2009 1:46 PM

luckylady - I'd say the reason you don't get responses is because your profile is hidden.

decentandgenuine - It would be very interesting to know the ratio of men to women on RSVP. I wonder if they have these figures available.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 30, 2009 10:28 AM

...no response is enough...obviously a no...do you really want it in writing that you do not appeal to "them"...who cares? Don't take it personally...they don't know you.

Posted by: istj54 at April 30, 2009 9:28 AM

As to the question about guys sending kisses to women and not receiving a yes or even a response. I am afraid it is not about male or female because as a female every time I have sent out a kiss I either get a no or nothing so in my option it is just that people in general are rude and are scared that they might even like the person that is responding. I also find it rude when a male sends you a kiss and asks for your password for photos and then doesn't even bother to respond with a sorry but you are to ugly/old looking to date or simular. Not that I feel that I am either but that is most definately how it makes you feel. So you are not alone in the No response stakes. I hope you have better luck soon.

Posted by: luckylady13 at April 30, 2009 7:21 AM

cubamad,
I understand where you are coming from. Maybe some guys are old-fashioned when it comes to women making the first move. Frankly, I enjoy it, Its nice to know that a woman has selected me out of hundreds of other guys. It happens.. but not often.

On the flip side. I would hate to think how a woman feels when she gets flooded with kisses and mine is hidden in there somewhere.. doesnt leave me with good chances ;)

Posted by: squizz1981 at April 30, 2009 6:34 AM

Scubamad1:- Absolutely not. I can't speak for all guys, but coming from a guy it is nice to receive kisses and emails from a lady first. Not sure why they haven't bothered to reply, what more can I say except possibly a lack of manners?! You're not the only one who has wondered on the point of RSVP when it happens. It's really frustrating to say the least.

I sympathise with you, and often it is the same for guys too. We can email and/or kiss the ladies and I'd say on average 4-5 out of 10 won't reply. I usually email any lady that kisses me just to say a simple thank you, however I've learn't not to email and waste a stamp on anyone that kisses you after midnight as quite often they are drunk, and you're just wasting a stamp.

I've also been told (not sure if it's true or not?) that males outnumber females on the site by some incredible number. I know a female friend of mine in 7 days received 300 kisses/emails. So in defence of the ladies is it any wonder you rarely get a reply if you're a guy.

Maybe RSVP needs to look at a system for females that for every 10-15 kisses/emails they reply to, they get one free stamp.

At the end of the day, it's simply called manners. If somene can't be bothered to reply to a kiss/message I send I wouldn't want to be with them anyway.

Posted by: decentandgenuine at April 30, 2009 4:29 AM

Scubamad,

The pic with you holding the beers....this should be your primary photo.

Boyd.

Posted by: lafreek at April 30, 2009 3:48 AM

Hi Scubamad,

The men you've contacted may not have been online to respond.

Did you read their profiles carefully? Are you a match?

Ditch your main photo, it makes you look too old, serious and boring.

Good luck.

Boyd.

Posted by: lafreek at April 30, 2009 3:46 AM

This is an equal opportunity rejection site scubmad1

Posted by: stephen54 at April 30, 2009 12:07 AM

Hey Scubamad1,

While I think most people would expect that men would make the first contact in most instances, except for perhaps a kiss for encouragement ;) , I like the fact that you made first contact. There is no reason why you shouldn't, just as there is no reason why you shouldn't be the first to start a conversation with a guy you think is attractive when in person. Imagine if you attempted to start a conversation with someone while in line at the shops, or waiting to be served at the bar, and the person completely ignored you. That is just as rude as not replying to an email you send here.

Chin up though, Jerks are everywhere...the advantage of RSVP is that you don't have to stand in the same room as them with your drink after they've fobbed you off.

Posted by: newandimproved1980 at April 29, 2009 11:51 PM

scuba - no such rule exists.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 29, 2009 11:36 PM

Hi Scubamad,

Dont feel too bad about that, it happens to all of us. There just seem to be people on RSVP that think that it is best to ignore peoples contacts. I wouldn't question why you are here, I would question why they are.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at April 29, 2009 11:19 PM

OK this one is for all the guys out there... Can anyone please explain whether there is some unwritten rule that girls can't make the first contact with guys? I have been very selective about who I have contacted and I am 0 for 3 - not one has even bothered to reply to say they are not interested!

A guy's perspective would be really useful about now because I am kinda wondering about the point of RSVP right now...

Thanks

Posted by: scubamad1 at April 29, 2009 10:59 PM

Perth, funny I can put that in dirty words or whatever ..lol.

Posted by: birdsofparadise at April 28, 2009 10:23 AM

hahaha... I guess we must!
..good one Perth!!!

Posted by: decoratress at April 27, 2009 9:41 PM

So does that mean we now have a
Zac-in-a-box, lol!

Posted by: iaminperth at April 27, 2009 7:10 PM

Bop...

Perth was saying that I had put zac48 in a box, not that she was putting us both in one.
I hope you didn't take it the wrong way?
A comma after the "Zac" would have made this clearer...

cheers

Posted by: decoratress at April 27, 2009 4:36 PM

Perth...well done !...ooppps again.

Posted by: birdsofparadise at April 27, 2009 1:00 PM

And Bop has now put chains and padlocks around as well, oh oh, lol

Posted by: iaminperth at April 27, 2009 10:01 AM

Iaminperth...I'll help you fix with that.box !...here's the chains and padlocks...ooppps too...

Posted by: birdsofparadise at April 27, 2009 9:47 AM

Hi Simplysummer,

I think that you are probably one of the few; lots of women dont see an appoach from a guy that way...their girlfriends regularly dont....but good for you, I'm sure it will pay dividends to you in a good way (I hope)!!

My experience is just that...not positive or negative, just experience. I have friends though that have taken rejection very badly and a couple are completely damaged.

My opinion is that you should just go with the flow...if you go out there, dont be surprised by any result. it like here on RSVP...I think for most its not personal; just personal choice. If your "Kiss" remains unanswered, so what, we all do our own thing in our own way.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at April 26, 2009 10:46 PM

We did our early morning breakfast this morning. It's particularly important after Anzac Day and a great leveller where people can destress and talk amongst themselves and face the reality of surviving on a day to day basis. We also had the children with children but It was different this year though because people were there with their pets and I have no idea what to do now.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 26, 2009 10:38 PM

Seems it is just you Zac and Decor just put you back in your box and slammed the lid shut, ouch !!!!

Posted by: iaminperth at April 26, 2009 5:29 PM

What a great turnout for Anzac Day - given the distance of time - obviously symbolizes war univesally and our communal sadness about loss of youth - sill get upset watching Gallipoli. Hi Laminperth - yes "nice" and who doesn't like attention from time to time. Hi Bob, I'm sorry that your experience has been so negative - learning curve for me- its true I am a bit of a push over for those who are prepared to put themselves out there..

Posted by: simplysummer at April 26, 2009 4:01 PM

Hi Simplysummer,

But isn't that the point...different gender, different rules? Anyone that appraoches a stranger is on a hiding to nothing....but guys will always receive a woman well...cant say that this would be reciprocated too often.

I never go to pubs alone either...I dont drink to drink, I drink to socialse, but very few guys would approach a group of women and try to talk to the one of his choice...usually the rest of them are on him in a flash...and not in a good way

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at April 26, 2009 12:59 AM

This morning a magnificent Anzac Day dawn ceremony was celebrated in Kings Park. Kings Park is huge and very beautiful and overlooks the city. Apparently, 40,000 people attended and there were police everywhere blocking the roads to keep the traffic moving., Can you believe that in the midst of all this planning and attention to detail someone forget to change the sprinkler settings and they went off in the middle of the ceremony drenching so many people in the very cold morning air.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 25, 2009 10:30 PM

Zac48, re your post of around 11 April......
Maybe she just wasn't that into you.
Not entirely unknown and certainly not the sole realm of men.............K

Posted by: auntykaz at April 25, 2009 10:28 PM

"I recently met a woman where there was quite a strong mutual attraction and seemingly had the potential to develop even further, yet this lady already had ongoing intimate relationships with several other men but was happy to engage in a similar relationship with me also, as long as she was able to "spread herself thin enough" to go around. Perhaps I am just an old fashioned boy but I found this attitude not only perplexing but also extremely offensive and insulting, she didn't seem to understand why. I am interested in hearing what the general concensis is regarding her attitude and perspective? or is it just me."
Posted by: zac48 at April 11, 2009 5:15 PM

Is that right, zac48?
The way I heard it was that several times during the relationship you would suddenly accuse this woman of seeing other men, when in fact nothing was further from the truth...
Naturally, she was horrified by your baseless accusations, & after this scenario was repeated three or four times, she ended the relationship... pointing out that why would she want to be in a relationship where she was neither trusted nor believed.

... there are always two sides to every story, aren't there. I believe I know this woman far better than you do.. I've known her for many years. She is simply not capable of behaving the way you describe.

Posted by: decoratress at April 25, 2009 9:41 PM

Guys stare though don't they and you smile and then they come over........isn't that the way it works. If you don't smile, they don't come over. Some of them come over and sort of sneak up and whisper something funny like a little kid doing something they shouldn't. It's a fun feeling, it's good.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 25, 2009 8:34 PM

gee woody must have the cleanest backside in aus ; everyone seems to be kissing it chad

Posted by: chad1958 at April 25, 2009 7:30 PM

Hi Jen - thanks for the mention - 30% happier when surrounded by positive people - Radio National - psychology graduate stat. - heard it - liked it too - as its kind of my motto in life and has been for more than a decade along with my obsession with exercise & health - at 38 I thought looming 40 was scary - stopped 'watching' as young mothers tend to do and started 'doing' instead. Seems the guys disagree with me on the 'open approach' topic - yes I suppose notig. I have responded positively - feeling flattered when a man makes the effort to speak with me without introduction. And actually its largely because I do appreciate the courage it takes. However, I rarely go to pubs and NEVER alone (how would that look - as compared to a male?) And maybe the places I was alluding to have not been so threatening as the image of 'male 'tanked up for courage' approaches group of females' appears. But c' mon - singular female approaches group of men ANYWHERE! Well received? I'll bet she is !! Guys you have to admit - Different gender/different rules !

Posted by: simplysummer at April 25, 2009 4:55 PM

Hi All,
Too many posts to read ...
But I agree with Aquamanda: I find it very rude when people don't reply to kisses or emails. A polite "No thanks, wishing you all the best ..." would be courteous. I think I could write a whole thesis about internet dating - the fact that anonymity gives people the license to do with they would not do with their neighbour in not replying to a greeting.
I also consider RSVP just another meeting place, but one in which people know that they will find other singles - would anyone say 'hello' to me at a coffee shop/art gallery/cinema? Should I wear a 'single' sign on my foreheard when I go to the supermarket?
Enjoy your weekend,
G

Posted by: girassol at April 25, 2009 9:40 AM

I am with you Woody...in fact without a wink or a smile I wont even bother going there.
I Wont hit on /or approach a woman without some sign of interest..I know there are some women who expect it and thrive on all the attention but most that I have met are just so over being harassed by guys that they have no interest in anything but casual sex
Kenny

Posted by: benjaminbutton at April 24, 2009 10:26 PM

Woody,

I agree mate; guys are fed up with always having to put themselves out there....especially when you are dealing with a bunch of women...we seem more predatory in that situation; and perhaps viewed as overconfident tools!!

Sad part is that women appraoching men are given so much more leeway than men approaching women...it may be daunting at times, but I guarantee you that the womans reception to a group of men would be far more positive than to a mans reception by a bunch of women.

Simplysummer,

Maybe you are speaking about yourself, but men are not well received by women unless they are particularly interested in meeting you...they can destroy your self-estemm with a look, let alone a word!!

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at April 24, 2009 10:05 PM

"Can't actually believe that the woman acting similarly, would get the same reception. I believe the rules (unfortunately) are pretty much set in stone - man likes to be the hunter not the hunted!
I'm happy to be proven wrong.....what say you?

Posted by: simplysummer at April 23, 2009 9:50 PM"

Whoa - I'd have to disagree there. Any man worth his salt would welcome an approach or even a discreet invitation from a nice woman and run with it. It can be difficult for a man to approach a woman when she's in a group, as most usually are (and how are we to know if tehy're single or not?).

Posted by: woodnwine at April 24, 2009 11:01 AM

Posted by: simplysummer at April 23, 2009 9:50 PM

I like your post.

The thing is though I have heard from men they feel it so difficult now to know about approaching women. Let's face it women often go out in groups and it really would take an assertive man to approach a group of women to pursue one amongst that group.

I myself don't go out alone (in the hope of meeting a man). I do go out with at least one other woman and would feel very apprehensive entering a pub or somewhere on my own.

I do agree with you though that if the confidence is there with a person, well of course there is nothing to lose in at least trying to make a contact within any situation.

I still think RSVP is a great way to make contacts. And really believe for most in the age brackets 30's, 40's, 50's and over it is the most likely way to make a romantic connection. Maybe I am wrong, but for me I guess I don't have the opportunity to make contacts in other formats. If I could it would be very limited. Dating sites offer such a wide opportunity of possibilities.

On another note. I like that opening line on your profile. How did you find out that percentage fact? I feel the same about life in surrounding ourselves with positive people. It makes sense it can only lead on to positive experiences and the incentive to achieve goals etc. I try to teach that philosophy to my kids. Not easy I can tell you. Often their peer groups make that very difficult.

Hope you keep writing.

Cheers

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at April 24, 2009 7:35 AM

Just an observation but, how difficult does it have to be? From where I'm sitting - laptop on lap, there seems to be a serious amount of females 'waiting hopefully' and countless men 'wanting to hook-up' - why is it then that so many of us are living solitary lives? How is it that we have so much time to be communicating in this way? Something is wrong with this picture! Perhaps its simply rhetoric, as we remain in the safety of our own company.
But in response to the comments - I think you have to be in the same room with someone to know if you could feel something more - often sooner than you would imagine. And yeah, its the way they move or the sound of their voice but you cannot know by looking at a static photo as it rarely tells the truth. I could imagine that it would be easy for a man to approach a woman in just about any venue and expect to be received well - just exactly what does he have to lose? Can't actually believe that the woman acting similarly, would get the same reception. I believe the rules (unfortunately) are pretty much set in stone - man likes to be the hunter not the hunted!
I'm happy to be proven wrong.....what say you?

Posted by: simplysummer at April 23, 2009 9:50 PM

HI everyone,

Just a brief note to let you know I'm still alive but absolutely flat out at the moment with school holidays and six rugby teams to get organised for the new season.

MAD
May the (Western) Force be with you!

Posted by: makeadifference1 at April 23, 2009 4:25 PM

I think it's true Fig, it's all in the eyes and the smile. Someone whose eyes crinkle in the corner and can look you straight in the eyes because they are honest and open and has a lovely open smile and can laugh easily. I think that is one of the most attractive qualities anyone can have both male and female. Sour calculating people don't have that and their faces show it after a while. I suppose if the smile muscles aren't worked very regularly the facial expressions definitely change and there becomes that sour judgemental look that so many people have nowadays. When you look at some of the pictures, especially some of the women you would think their faces would crack if they smiled, especially the older ones who try to put on the 'I've been everywhere' look with their boobs hanging out of their dress. Not a nice look at all.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 22, 2009 10:26 PM

I take your point Bob, but I doubt many women would talk to all the men at a pub to see if they liked any of them, regardless of looks. You are perhaps friendlier than your average woman.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 22, 2009 7:53 AM

No Amber I didn't meet anyone new that I fancied..Had fun dancing and chatting to a few people including a few guys but I don't think those nights would really be for you.I've never found those meat markets to my style either
Kenny

Posted by: benjaminbutton at April 22, 2009 1:45 AM

Hi Perth,

I know what you are saying. When I try to tell my friends what attracts me to someone, it is almost impossible because it is a variable in so many ways. I usually will say "a look"...I cant describe it, but I know it when I see it and its different for different women. All I know is that its in the eyes and smile, and goes beyond body type.

There are a few women on RSVP with that look, but as I have no photo, I dont see the point in making contact with anyone because thats the first thing they are going to request.

Woody,

Surprisingly, I disagree with you about meeting people in a pub etc. I will actually speak with anyone (at the bar is always good), even if its only for a few seconds....you can always make that first impression. I doesn't hurt to smile and say hello....you would be surprised the reaction you can get from a woman (or guy, for that matter) just by showing them simple courtesy.

bob

Posted by: notafigjam at April 21, 2009 5:55 PM

hey there summer hang in there. dont be turned off by negative comments . some guys are pr*&$s here and some are real gentlemen. the hard part is working out who is who

Posted by: unknownauthor at April 21, 2009 2:57 PM

WoodnWine...posted 21/4 at 7:50AM. I disagree both, In over-all rating, yes looks can decide instantly when you see the person face to face at the bar but you don't know nothing about them, whilst in net dating applies the same rules, you don't know nothing about them either...Can be impetuous, the type who breezes into one's life and then just swiftly breezes out again.... There are so many unforeseen perils, lies and terrible risks. They can build a pictures of themselves who they want to be.., My question is ..are they real who they say they are? Too great an attachment to what is at the expense of what could may be lacking in vision.
Few people will enhance projects and lead to success but how about the other person can we assured they think more positively about their prospects? The restlessness of an uncontrolled desire for a change for its' own sake is pointlessness unfulfilled hopes cause many of us regret.

Posted by: birdsofparadise at April 21, 2009 2:35 PM

Posted by: benjaminbutton at April 19, 2009 9:26 PM

So did you meet anyone you actually liked, Kenny?
(just curious, was thinking of trying one of those singles nights; not sure it's for me though)

Posted by: amberlight58 at April 21, 2009 12:21 PM

I agree Fig. Quite a lot of the time you just like the way the other person looks. When I say that I don't exclusively mean they are particularly stereotypical attractive or entirely beautiful, there is just something about that person that attracts more attention. A movement, a smile, a liveliness, anything can make a person garner attention. I like a person who can smile and laugh easily, I find that a particularly attractive attribute and many people don't seem to be able to do that for some reason or other. An 'overdone' person sitting in a wooden post with a miserable face is not attractive to me at all, in fact I usually see an 'ugliness' in that person as I believe they are probably mean spirited and all they have to offer is a load of fake grooming. I have a relative who is so over botoxed and scalpelled, not a word I know, into perfection but she can't attract a decent bloke if her life depended on it. She is so thin, she's always cold, her clothes are so expensive she can't go anywhere and the whole thing is a ridiculous picture. Can't go to the beach, hairdo, can't go in the sun, skin, can't eat, will get fat, can't go near animals, her clothes will get ruined, on and on and on, oh what a bore.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 21, 2009 9:43 AM

The whole dating/RSVP thing is so frustrating at times. One day, you have no potentials in your inbox, and your kisses get rejected, and 3 days later, you are inundated! 3 days ago, the whole situation was looking bleak for me. Now, A day later, I got a reply from someone and we've been emailing a few times a day since. She asked me how my RSVP experience had been, and I told her the truth about how I'd met one person, but it didn't go anywhere and I wasn't in contact with anyone else so far, then the next day, I got another contact, then another one, then another one. Now, after 3 days, I suddenly have 4 women emailing me a few times a day, and I feel so bad! I've always been a one at a time guy, and it feels so wrong to be emailing 4 women at a time! Maybe this is a post for the "is it cheating" blog, and I know I'm not cos I've not met any of them yet, but I've definately taken a much brighter shine to one of the 4 over the others. So, I guess the moral of the story is for Summernights, and that is that you should hang in there, cos one day, you might wind up with more contacts than you can handle!

Posted by: normalguy73 at April 21, 2009 9:33 AM

"When you meet someone in real life you normally get to talk to them and then chemistry can develop that way. This way is based purely on looks.
Posted by: summernights72 at April 20, 2009 1:14 PM"

Sorry, I have to disagree. When you see someone in a bar (for instance) you know nothing about them and only decide you'd like to talk to them based on their looks. On here, you know things about a person, not just what they look like, before you decide to talk to them.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 21, 2009 7:50 AM

"I wanna read your mind and know just what I've got in this new thing I've found
So tell me what I see when I look in your eyes
Is that you baby or just a brilliant disguise
" - Bruce Springsteen

Listening to The Boss at the weekend. The discussions about how accurately we describe ourselves in profiles came to mind. (apologies if someone has made this connection earlier - haven't caught up with the comments yet. Off to Sydney again in a couple of hours ... at this rate, I won't catch up until the weekend ... it's nice to have a fast moving blog topic for a change.)

:-D

Posted by: lafileuse at April 21, 2009 7:18 AM

Hi Summernights72,

You look pretty good to me too, but I would suggest that you might be one of those people whose photos dont really do them justice?

You are right though, its not personal, its just life, though its always tough at first getting knockbacks....just think of it as "their loss".\

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at April 20, 2009 10:40 PM

I think it's little man syndrome, or little dog syndrome or bantam in the chook pen. So who's bald? I didn't think you were bald Chad. It's all too silly isn't it, what's wrong with being tall, or being short for that matter, or bald, it's just what makes you unique, who you are. I didn't realise you were bald though Chad. Rather young I would have thought..........nah, I'm only joking !

Posted by: iaminperth at April 20, 2009 10:37 PM

Hi Springfieldlocal,

Hate to say it mate, but from my experience, she is just being polite and doesn't have any real interest in you.

Give her space and see if she initiates a contact with you...if she does, great, but if not.......?

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at April 20, 2009 10:28 PM

summernights72 i am having similar experiences to you - and it's frustrating for sure, but don't start thinking it's you. there are always going to be people that send kisses who are not your cup of tea and vice versa, but i don't see a need to be discourteous no matter who they are. after all they are putting themselves out there and it's not easy! i think it just illustrates that there are plenty of people out there with no manners, even when they just have to push the button for "thanks but no thanks". you should just see them as such and don't think twice about them. chin up - and all the best. being single ain't that bad!

Posted by: scubamad1 at April 20, 2009 9:08 PM

oh yes... I have also changed my photo and added a new one which is totally natural. Thanks for the tips.

Posted by: summernights72 at April 20, 2009 8:11 PM

Hi Everyone, thanks for your encouraging comments. I know that it sounds silly but when you don't really get out and have the opportunity to meet possible partners and then you get ignored, or ignored replies you start to think is it me. I guess i need to toughen up a bit and not take it too personally. After all, they don't really know the real me!

Posted by: summernights72 at April 20, 2009 8:08 PM

Sometimes i dont get these online dating sites....women join them to find ppl, possibly the 'one'. They accept 'kisses' or 'flirts' or whatever, then you start chatting away hopefull of getting a phone number or maybe just to keep them interested in you before they either forget about you or get a better option (i.e other interest from men). Why do women do that? it drives me crazy! I have been chatting to my Ms Right for a couple of days, we only chat via facebook or messenger. But its me who always initiates the convo, but once we get going we chat for ages. I really like this lady but i dont know if she feels the same. i have tried to get her phone number but she says its to soon. I dont know what to do next. Do i keep pestering her on messenger or do i give her some space?

Posted by: springfieldlocal at April 20, 2009 7:40 PM

whats wrong with tall women ? i love them ; maybe its you little blokes with little big man syndrome ; bald are you? chad

Posted by: chad1958 at April 20, 2009 7:34 PM

Hi all,

I remember a while ago that someone mentioned that some people just use others to get themselves on the "Top 100"...maybe thats the experience that you ae getting with unanswered stamps.

I have actually dated a couple of women where neither of us has seen the others photo before the event...its worth a go

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at April 20, 2009 7:14 PM

hi summernights dont worry you sound like a nice person ; you have only been on here a short time and you will encounter a lot of ignorant and obnoxious men but you have met 2 on here today at 11:29 am and 11:09 am ; just stick with it you never know chad

Posted by: chad1958 at April 20, 2009 6:10 PM

Summernights...I agree, your photo with the dog is a little nicer choice for main pic, not that there is anything wrong with any of them mind you. I'd also like to say that 5'10" is not what I'd consider overly tall for a lady, as suggested by someone else here, so I wouldn't think that's an issue. (I am 6 foot so maybe that's just me). I've been through 6 stamps myself, 4 of which were completely wasted by women who replied that they wanted an email from me, then never bothered to reply to my stamp email. It's not just you who is not getting the results you deserve. I think it's more common than many realise. Hang in there. you are an attractive woman, and given time, RSVP should pull through for you. I'm hoping it will for me, so....

Posted by: normalguy73 at April 20, 2009 5:09 PM

To the question posed - "how is this different to real life" - a few thoughts
Our very presence here is risk taking at its best - an example of daring to stand amidst shared humanity.
To write without measure or restraint. This moreso for those speaking their truth, from the heart, without separate agenda.
Rules of appropriateness, the right time or length to speak do not apply. Here words are not altered to suit a facial response.
There is a clarity of purpose. We boldly present our selves, our story, photo, interests, values and dreams upon a stage, for consideration, by peoples unknown. That's not so easy.
Some wording, expectation, misplaced hopes, faltered ability to cope with choices, hesitancies hidden, some foolish detail or aspect may indeed be judged by others living separate lives.
Their problem entirely, and this ignorance, is now betrayed.
Such openness, and unguarded generosity in self exposure, found herein, is, I warrant, far more courageous than most real life encounters of measured self sharing.
This is far, far different to real life. Being here and having daily faith to remain, takes a far greater and a far more demanding courage and fortitude of the spirit.
Every flaw, every doubt, every examined and severely scrutinised disappointment expressed herein is but a shining validation of this courage.
So yeah, it's very different. It's tougher on the spirit.

Posted by: jardinero2 at April 20, 2009 2:01 PM

When you meet someone in real life you normally get to talk to them and then chemistry can develop that way. This way is based purely on looks.

Thanks for your comment benjaminbutton, I will change my photo!

Posted by: summernights72 at April 20, 2009 1:14 PM

summerknights - I agree that your 2nd photo is your best. Just sent you a "wish you well" kiss.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 20, 2009 12:12 PM

Summernights. Those guys who kiss you and dont respond need to be slapped. Its not you its them. Profiles are impossible to write - pictures hard to take (I had NONE from the last 2 years, and try taking a photo of yaself and not look like a dill?) - Keep your chin up and dont forget to get out still, this place may not be answer. You'll find someone, and ironically it will probably happen the minute you stop looking. Best of luck Dan.

Posted by: prouddad80 at April 20, 2009 12:00 PM

"but this method of meeting someone is based purely on looks first unfortunately.
Posted by: summernights72 at April 20, 2009 10:23 AM "

And this is different from meeting someone in real life how?

Posted by: woodnwine at April 20, 2009 11:29 AM

Posted by: bluediamond45 at April 20, 2009 10:01 AM

In your profile you say "chemistry must be there". Doesn't that mean physical attraction?

Posted by: woodnwine at April 20, 2009 11:27 AM

Summernights.....Nothing wrong with your photos although personally I think your second pic(with dog) would possibly be a better option.You could leave the dog in or even crop it out.
I suspect it could be your height which could be limiting your responses....not much you can do about that except looking for guys that are not bothered by it
Cheers
Kenny

Posted by: benjaminbutton at April 20, 2009 11:09 AM

I thought that i would try RSVP to increase my chances of hopefully meeting someone. I don't go out much and all my friends are in relationships - you know the usual story. Anyhow, i have been a member now since January and all of the guys that i have sent kisses to have either not replied or all rejected me. I guess that that is all part of it but then the guys who have sent me kisses which say 'i would be interested in getting to know you..etc' when i have replied and said yes i never hear from them again! I now think that the guys on here are really only interested in looks, which I know is often true anyhow, but this method of meeting someone is based purely on looks first unfortunately. How do i get past this and get to meet the actual person? Is it something that i am doing wrong? I am probably not as photogenic as a lot of people but i am fun!!

Posted by: summernights72 at April 20, 2009 10:23 AM

I would just like to say that i truly feel this site would be empty if people didnt judge.

OK example..... guys kiss u and say they love ur profile and feel u could both get on well. then ask for a photo and bang no longer interested, havent they heard of "never judge a book by its cover? And seriously who takes a great photo?
Seriously guys u could be missing out on the love of ur life. I know what u r saying yes there r females who do the same. I guess its human nature to judge but what do u have to lose by just chatting on the net and getting to know someone. U may even find a new friend......

My last bit of advice is...... Barbie is found at TOYS 'R' US, aisle 2 next to the Bratz dolls.

Posted by: bluediamond45 at April 20, 2009 10:01 AM

oops saved my stamps lol

Posted by: benjaminbutton at April 20, 2009 9:39 AM

Down to Earth.......well to me it means that a person is realistic. I do agree when you read it on so many profiles it starts to sound contrived.

I think I have that phrase in my profile...yikes...

I promise I don't have great expectations. Just don't piss me off...lol...nah....how can you know anything about a person until you have talked/ interacted with them for a while? Our profiles just give a hint of who we are, after that the getting to know you, stuff should progress just as it would in your off line life.

Posted by: aquamanda56 at April 19, 2009 10:16 PM

Absolutely Bob and no where more obvious than at an Rsvp singles night such as the one I attended last night.
Caught up with several past contacts including one from 2 years ago...who still couldn't understand why I never got back in touch,several who still remembered me from contact we had about 2 years ago but they had opted not to meet me at the time and also saw several who I had sent kisses to but they had either knocked me back or declined contact...glad I saved my staps now lol
Interesting night ..........
Kenny

Posted by: benjaminbutton at April 19, 2009 9:26 PM

Hi Benamin;

So true about singles in general, but its more obvious here because its a community of singles

bob

Posted by: notafigjam at April 18, 2009 11:34 PM

Interesting how we got from yodelling in a Star Trek costume to raising pigs and growing potatoes ! LOL

Gaby

Posted by: zerofear at April 18, 2009 8:37 PM

Yep that pretty much covers it for me too Bob although sadly I think it applies to singles in general rather than just RSVPers

Journey well yes I have grown the odd potato(well more Strawberries actually) but would never say that I have raised any pigs....see kids daddy does love you hehe

Posted by: benjaminbutton at April 18, 2009 10:44 AM

Hi All,

Down to earth for me means you are realistic and have your head on your shoulders, not up in the clouds....probably goes with the words "sane" and "normal"; a couple of characteristics that are sadly missing from a great number of RSVPers

Posted by: notafigjam at April 17, 2009 11:51 PM

I assume when people say they are down to earth that they raise their own pigs and grow potatoes, like in the old ABC show The Good Life...

Well, actually I think they mean they have their feet on the ground and not up in some fantasy land in the sky. No high ideals of life or themselves, just "normal" needs and wants.

So "DTE girl seeks prince charming" just isn't going to gel....

Posted by: journey2407 at April 17, 2009 11:37 PM

Posted by: woodnwine at April 16, 2009 1:59 PM

Ditto from me.

Posted by: asitis09 at April 16, 2009 5:48 PM

And you beat me to it girl!

Posted by: bellibone at April 17, 2009 11:22 PM

Actually what the hell does it mean? Interesting? If you are not down to earth, where are you????

Posted by: zerofear at April 17, 2009 11:14 PM

They have left the mother ship and are ready to rock and roll????

Sorry its friday :-)

Posted by: zerofear at April 17, 2009 11:13 PM

Next question.....

This is a pet hate of mine - the use of the term "Down to Earth". Everyone says they are Down to Earth but what are they really trying to say?

Posted by: icycle67 at April 17, 2009 11:05 PM

So 'the Door' that we have spent so long dreaming about is open, we plunge through the door only to find it slams behind us with a bang!! (Bear with me people I am channelling Harry Potter here!). Then we struggle for ages trying to work out how to get that door open again..

Ok Ok I know its melodramatic but its Friday and I'll cry if I want too!

Posted by: zerofear at April 17, 2009 8:59 PM

you do have to leave it all behind the door...neatly, of course...don't leave a mess:))

Posted by: istj54 at April 17, 2009 11:44 AM

Easier said than done istj! Taking the mess with you isn't much fun either.....

Posted by: journey2407 at April 17, 2009 7:48 PM

Posted by: journey2407 at April 16, 2009 10:43 PM ...and nikita...very profound stuff...but we can be so excited to finally be let in through that door that it takes a while to really see where we actually are...and we then fight to stay there...making leaving all the more difficult...but to move on you do have to leave it all behind the door...neatly, of course...don't leave a mess:))

Posted by: istj54 at April 17, 2009 11:44 AM

It's just as easy to walk out the door as it is to walk in.
Posted by: greeneyednikita at April 16, 2009 1:50 PM

It's only easy to walk out if you can leave behind what's inside that door...

Sometimes we might be better off not walking in in the first place, but how is one to know which door???

Posted by: journey2407 at April 16, 2009 10:43 PM

Just knocked me out iaminperth & benjaminbutton...I can't say i agree or disagree of what i have read...just laughing all the way ...
A big goals " seeking ..seeking " ...As long as water doesn't taste like it came out of a rusty tap, that's OK, we're not picky !.... Just " Dreaming Out Loud ".....hahaha.

Posted by: birdsofparadise at April 16, 2009 8:58 PM

Hi All,

Star trek costumes....well, for guys its a bit of a shocker, but the girls....different storty altogether. Does anyone remember Jeri Ryan as 7 of 9 on Star Trek Voyager...Wow!!!

Benjamin,

Mate, you dont need to apologise to me; I'm surprised you haven't been torn a new one by the girls after that comment!!

Posted by: notafigjam at April 16, 2009 8:57 PM

Posted by: woodnwine at April 16, 2009 1:59 PM

Beat me to it.

Posted by: asitis09 at April 16, 2009 5:48 PM

Posted by: chad1958 at April 16, 2009 4:48 PM

Bet they're knocking themselves out to get to you though hahahaha

Posted by: asitis09 at April 16, 2009 5:47 PM

how true kenny; i wont even look at women on the gold coast chad

Posted by: chad1958 at April 16, 2009 4:48 PM

"Seems like too many people are heros in their own minds and should get out there more and get a life of their own.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 16, 2009 10:45 AM"

Ha ha !!!!! Now, that's a good one!

Posted by: woodnwine at April 16, 2009 1:59 PM

Journey ... I'm sure your daughters will grow to be strong and independent. Most do these days. I have a daughter who is very strong and independent, unfortunately, she says she will possibly never marry and will definitely never have children. I'm hoping once she gets where she wants in her career that she will think differently. I think she is concerned that history will repeat itself and she will fail at relationships. When my last relationship ended her advice was 'never ever build your world around a man as it will only ever lead to heartache'. That would be my biggest mistake. When I am in a relationship I give and keep giving and end up being taken for granted. What one man wants, another doesn't. Most decent men would love someone like that, but there are the users and moochers out there that see you as easy prey to use till they have had their fill ... and I'm not being gender specific. Another of life's lessons to learn. As I have always said ... never mistake kindness for stupidity. It's just as easy to walk out the door as it is to walk in.

Posted by: greeneyednikita at April 16, 2009 1:50 PM

Hmm, last post disappeared... sorry if this ends up as a double post.

Nikita wrote "I will never need a man for anything."

Although I guess it means I am at risk of becoming redundant, I admire that attitude and ability in a woman. I have two teenage daughters and I sincerely hope they grow into independent women who pursue their own desires rather than follow those of a man.

Now I know it's probably just semantics, but surely there is a difference between "needing" something and being "needy"?

Generalising here, but If you are truly in love with someone, don't you need their love to be happy? If you lose them, don't you then need to deal with it so you can be happy again.
So your wants become your needs. That's not being needy, it's being human....

Posted by: journey2407 at April 16, 2009 12:39 PM

I really don't care if I am needed or wanted or hopefully a bit of a combination of both so long as I am accepted for who I am and I feel the same way. What's the point of dissecting every little thing when a relationship is made up of so many components. Why not just get on the with the job of getting to know the person for who they are and enjoy yourself along the way. Why so many rules and regulations and who is the rule fairy who set them. Seems like too many people are heros in their own minds and should get out there more and get a life of their own.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 16, 2009 10:45 AM

Posted by: notafigjam at April 15, 2009 11:51 PM

Nice post, quite thoughtful. I also liked icycle's comment about being wanted rather than needed.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 16, 2009 10:24 AM

"However I dont think I am asking too much. My profile says I work FT, study PT and am a single mum to 2 girls - wouldnt men prefer someone who was self sufficient, with a life of their own???

I find it perplexing that men have such a need to feel 'needed'. Can men not read between the lines? Is this something from the cave years? Thats probably a blog subject in itself :-)

What do the men out there actually think?

Posted by: zerofear at April 15, 2009 9:51 PM"

zerofear - not passing judgement in any way but you invited comments so here goes (tail between legs). Some men, perhaps many men, have been through the raising kids, they've been in time poor marriages that have ended up loveless, they've lived independant lives when they were younger. Now they're probably looking for someone they can share time with (does that have to read as needy?) and hopefully form a lifetime relationship with.

You've been honest, which is great, but it may reduce the number of kisses you get. Some men will see a woman that, whilst interesting and nice, will be very busy working and studying whilst bringing up 2 children. This will probably mean you'll only have time to see them occassionally and this isn't what some men want.

I hope this helps in some small way.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 16, 2009 10:21 AM

I am beginning to wonder Beguiled...are these fabulous younger women that are chasing you from Russia/The Ukraine or the Phillipines perhaps?
I have had my fair share of contact on here....even been to the top of the hit parade a number of times ....but tell some of those hot babes that money is just a necessary tool for survival and watch them disappear...mind you if you are not professionally employed ....6 ft tall ....have your own Bike ,into extreme sports or a gym junkie and a world traveller it certainly narrows the field as well.
Sorry Bob I shouldn't generalise....I have met some gorgeous women here too and they are not all like that.....just a lot of them ... especially those from the North shore of Sydney and the Surfers end of the coast
Kenny

Posted by: benjaminbutton at April 16, 2009 9:39 AM

I will never need a man for anything. I can do anything a man can do (and somethings better than he lol) I would want a man for his love and companionship. I have friends and family that I love and they love in return, my social life is on the up and up, I'm intelligent and independant. If anyone wants to join me on the last leg of my life's journey, they can walk beside me but, they sure as hell are not walking ahead of me. If a man can't accept women for what they are today, then I suggest they give up the hunt. I suppose there are still "needy" women out there ... they are usually the ones left behind by their ex's when they depended on him for many years.

Posted by: greeneyednikita at April 16, 2009 9:24 AM

Previewing your Comment

How about Yodeling in a Star Trek costume?

zerofear: As for feeling needed - I want the woman I am with to need me in her life as a companion and friend (and lover), because I make her happy, but not necessarily as a provider or protector. While I can do that, and it's fine if that's how it works out, to choose me based primarily on that seems shallow to me and wouldn't satisfy my needs.

Posted by: journey2407 at April 16, 2009 7:52 AM

Some great points Nikita and Zerofear.

I agree 'needing someone' often means that people will settle for anyone, and then stay with them just so thay can have 'someone' to cling on to.

I find it interesting that in conversations where men (and women but far less often I notice) complain their ex was too 'needy' or 'demanding' of their time; when they look for a new partner, it often seems that they are really after someone exactly the same or even more 'needy' than their ex!
Maybe it's an insecurity thing, someone who "needs" them is less likely to leave them?

But honestly do we want to partner with someone who "needs" us more than actually "wants" us?
They don't have to be "into" us to need us!
Far too many relationships go on for years longer than they would have, if one partner didn't feel they "needed" the other person to survive/cope.
For the person who knows their partner doesn't actually love them, but just thinks they still "need" them, (and the 'needed' person often believes that the other person won't survive either, so they feel guilty if they want to 'escape'), it is an achingly lonely existence.
And interestingly, in my experience the partner who doesn't love you but still thinks they "needs" you around, then becomes resentful and blames you because you aren't what they think they really want!
Confusing?
Try being the "needed" but not loved, partner!

This time I want someone who is "into me" for me, who wants me in their life because I am funny, special, they love my laugh and whatever.
I don't want to be a life boat someone clings onto because they don't think they can make it alone!

Posted by: amberlight58 at April 16, 2009 7:13 AM

A bit harsh Icycle!
Surely as long as the Star trek costume was NEVER seen in public (or at your house!) except for fancy dress parties and the WC Yodeller aspirant had a nice soundproof cellar which they NEVER practiced outside of (except at the WCs of course!), couldn't you find room in your heart to 'compromise'?

Just a bit disappointed really.....(she mumbles under her breath...as she rushes to pick up her Star Trek costume from the dry cleaners and chews on honey lozenges to keep things 'smooth' for the rehearsals this afternoon)

Posted by: amberlight58 at April 16, 2009 6:41 AM

Hi Zerofear,

Interesting topic...men being needed. I think most men throughout history have been needed as providers etc....it is only over the past few decades that women have become so self-sufficient; and maybe therein lies the problem for us men.

How do we fit into the lives of someone who needs nothing from us (men and women).....we actually then have very little to offer that person. Its all very well to say that we can provide love and companionship, but life is more than that; the best relationships are inter-dependent (ie both people actually need each other), these are true "soulmates"

Posted by: notafigjam at April 15, 2009 11:51 PM

Posted by: zerofear at April 15, 2009 9:51 PM

What do men actually think with regards to being needed?

Personally, I'd rather be wanted than needed. Needed implies that the lady can't stand on her own two feet. Wanted on the other hand implies that they are wanting a that something extra in their lives.

note - This is my opinion and not necessarily the way guys generally think.

Posted by: journey2407 at April 15, 2009 7:59 PM

I think the Star Trek costume would definitely be a deal breaker......or someone training for the Yodelling World Championships.

Posted by: icycle67 at April 15, 2009 10:32 PM

Hi Guys, Thanks for the positive comments.

Greeneyednikita - yes it probably is very much about being a strong woman. I am a single mum to 2 girls and want for them to grow up believing in themselves, not as an appendage on someones arm. So I guess thats part of it.

The thing is, part of the process of setting the 'deal breakers' is also knowing what your home life is like; your experiences in the past etc. I have an insulin dependant 13yo so by setting my parameters higher means I dont waste time on dates with people I have nothing in common with (which happened the first time around).

However I dont think I am asking too much. My profile says I work FT, study PT and am a single mum to 2 girls - wouldnt men prefer someone who was self sufficient, with a life of their own???

As Notafigjam so succinctly put it, the first time around I was probably desperate and attracted similar men online.

I find it perplexing that men have such a need to feel 'needed'. Can men not read between the lines? Is this something from the cave years? Thats probably a blog subject in itself :-)

What do the men out there actually think?

Posted by: zerofear at April 15, 2009 9:51 PM

i totally agree with your comment to benjaminbutton, money makes your life comfortable but as I sit in my unit alone while my youngest is off to dads for the easter holidays you very quickly remember that all the money in the world cannot replace love and so the rsvp story continues:-)

Posted by: tweety15 at April 15, 2009 8:21 PM

Lowering the bar may refer to something particular in the physical sense - like accepting someones little quirks even if they are not what you would normally want (so he/she wears a Star Trek costume occasionally?).

We need to compromise a little, that's partly why many of us are still here (too picky!). I'm starting to believe perfection is achieved, not inherited.

But in the emotional/spiritual sense, the bar shouldn't be lowered to accept anything less than true love. Anything less will end in tears...

Posted by: journey2407 at April 15, 2009 7:59 PM

I'm trying to catch up on all the posts but had to stop to respond to a couple of them.

zerofear ... I checked your profile and I think it is very honest. My ex use to tell me I was very "blokey" in how I think, so I'll give you my thoughts on this. You are very outspoken and I sense you have a very dominant personality. Men like to feel needed and I think they back away from anyone that isn't even the slightest submissive. As a woman ... I like your profile. I am woman hear me roar!

Benjaminbutton ... I'm not interested in a man's money or what kind of car drives or his motorcycle. A guy I once dated told me that I was the most unspoiled woman he had ever met. My motto is 'you can't miss what you don't have'. I would rather be happy with someone I love than be stuck in a relationship with a man that makes my skin crawl for materialistic reasons. I dated a guy in the aust navy once and he arranged for an estate agent to take me to a house that I had admired while out driving one weekend .... the following week I ended the relationship because I wasn't in love with him. I cannot and will not use a person and I'm sure there are many others out there that feel the same way.

woodnwine ... I agree with you totally. When we first meet someone on here, are we expected to get it right on the first meeting? We tend to be nervous and although I am not shy, I am when I first meet someone. I didn't show the real me, as I would with people I know well. I keep hearing about this "chemistry" we are suppose to feel from the second we meet, that is highly impossible. You need to get to know the person to see them at their full potential.

I don't believe we should 'lower the bar'. I have been chatting to a guy on here and something he said to me really made sense. He said "at our age we need to be sure of who we choose, because this time it's for the rest of our lives". This is so true! I really don't want to be back on rsvp in another 5 years or so doing this all over again. I want the real thing, someone I can enjoy for the rest of my life.

As for sending kisses, all I can say is do it! If someone catches your eye (and not for just their looks), then by all means go for it. I have been sending them out and recieving them. Even if it is from someone that doesn't appeal to me, I have the courtesy of letting them know and appreciate the same in return. I wasn't really getting anywhere, so I tried a different tactic and sent a friendship kiss to someone. He never responded and I kept checking his profile daily and thought "what the heck"! I sent him a flirt kiss and he contacted me.... If I hadn't made that bold move then we would not be talking today. By holding back you could be missing out on what could be the best thing to happen in your life. You may never know.

Posted by: greeneyednikita at April 15, 2009 12:46 PM

Hi Condiment, what a brilliant question, Ive been wondering the same thing and I also have found men to be all over me first date, constant messages/calls for the second date to no further contact at all, someone PLEASE EXPLAIN. I am always keeping it real, perhaps being honest really isnt the best policy!
Still I soldier on since oct 2006! Maybe I need profession help he he :-)

Posted by: tweety15 at April 15, 2009 8:51 AM

I am not sure what lowering the bar actually means as who sets the level in the first place. Surely everyone has a right of preference, what they do with that preference and how far they wish to stray is their perogative. If they wish to severely limit themselves then they will meet fewer but if they are open minded they will meet more people. I think that maybe by being open minded and meeting a few more people could be beneficial as seeing others points of view is always beneficial in my opinion. Developing a serious relationship is an entirely different propostion, however, as there is no set level for the bar in the first place, then how can it be lowered. It seems very condescending to perhaps meet someone you perceive you have lowered the bar for.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 15, 2009 5:57 AM

Condiment - The protocol is that if they send the kiss and you reply in the affirmative they email and use their stamp.

Doesn't always work out that way, but that is the protocol. They could have lost interest or they could be following up on other contact. Or of course, there are always the ones that just like to play games.

Hang in - you'll get the gist before long.

Good luck.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at April 14, 2009 11:50 PM

begule, your comments confuse me. You mention that you receive little interest from plain women, being those who you have most in common with. How do you suppose that? Is it fair to assume that you wouldnt have much in common with 'goodlooking' women? If it is any consolation I have found the whole online experience underwhelming to date!

From my perspective, online dating should open up opportunities or avenues of meeting people you wouldnt ordinarily meet, but in practice it just allows people to be pickier and more judgmental than usual!

Posted by: lala81 at April 14, 2009 11:41 PM

iaminperth what I'm saying, the younger women are stunners in comparison to the women my age and I didn't say I was attracted to the younger women I'm attracted to women around my age

Posted by: beguilemyheart at April 14, 2009 11:36 PM

Q from a newbie. How come men kiss me and then I kiss them back in the affirmative and I never hear from them again? What is the protocol? Is one supposed to stamp them if interested or what? Call me old-fashioned but I would have thought that the dance (in the above instance) is their call. i.e. you kiss, I kiss back, you stamp????

Please explain. I have been flummoxed by this scenario over and over again
xxx
Condiment

Posted by: condiment at April 14, 2009 11:27 PM

So what is your description of 'plain women', and you poor thing it is only the good looking younger women that go for you, oh boo hoo. Sounds like you are very egotistical to me trying to blow your own trumpet and not doing it very well at all. Maybe if you get real you may meet someone who is nice seeing as you only attract the good looking younger ones.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 14, 2009 11:22 PM

beguille
I think you have a great profile and if I was in Melbourne I would certainly be sending a kiss I agree time !! the right person will come along

Posted by: gmv63 at April 14, 2009 11:19 PM

Beguile - you're not alone with your thoughts there. Generally your experience mimics mine and we're pretty much the same age. So it seems the ladies in Melbourne are on par with Brisbane then.

I figure that if they're not decent enough to send a response (even a thanks, I wish you well in your search) then you are better off without them. I think it's a matter of time. Don't expect it to happen quickly but it will happen. In the meantime - Enjoy your freedom. :-)

Posted by: icycle67 at April 14, 2009 11:10 PM

This talk of 'lowering the bar" disturbs me. I'm an 'older woman', and I don't want to settle - while I think a partner would certainly enrich my life, my life as it is, is certainly not poor, nor is it ever lacking in fun, interest, challenge or friends. I'm raising the bar ... maybe not exactly in the looks, age or income departments, but in those intangibles that you can only glean vaguely from a profile, honest or not. Even so, and whether or not any man cares, I *still* look at the pictures ... Why are so many profiles pictureless ... why do so many men have unsmiling pictures on their profiles? I'm attracted to a smile, the eyes, and 'good hair'. (Now, 'good hair' can mean little or no hair ... style is important - must suit the face ... *must* be clean ... and if there is little or none ... no pretending/comb-overs. Two words: Patrick Stewart - 'nuff said). I think it is our nature to examine faces, not just for attraction, but to determine trust and confidence, and many other things.

We are each attracted to different things ... some things are just more common than others. Attraction is necessary before we can get to really know someone - if someone is off-putting or turns us off, we don't bother. In 'real life' that attraction may not initially be physical ... we get to know people in different spheres of our lives, and may initially be attracted over time by intellect or sense of humour. Here, someone's image may be more important, as intellect and sense of humour are more intangible. (... and who doesn't like eye candy?)

I'll admit that (among other things) I'm very attracted to tall men (6 feet and more), and given my druthers, I'druther have a tall man, but this is not a 'deal-breaker', and I have a wider range listed in my profile. I believe that most of the things in the profiles are at least a bit negotiable *if* most of the other boxes (and the 'deal-breakers') are ticked - especially if the intangibles are what someone is looking for ... those things that you need to meet a person (probably several times) to determine.

If someone is *very* specific and very limited in what they want, it could mean several things - among them: they know themselves very well and know that that particular kind of person is the only one for them; they are conflicted about whether or not they really want another in their lives ... if they are really specific, no one will fill the bill and they are off the hook (anyone watch 'Practical Magic'?); they have a *very* inflated opinion of themselves, and their lack of success finding someone that matches their exacting standards only fuels their idea that no one is good enough for them.

Each individual is responsible for setting their own bar. The only person who knows where the bar should be is the individual themselves. With this, comes the responsibility of perhaps being too exacting (and limiting their choices) or not being exacting enough and attracting too many people they are not actually looking for ... or even settling for a relationship they don't really want.

I think I just get more confused over time.

:-/

Posted by: lafileuse at April 14, 2009 10:53 PM

benjamin I've been on this site a year, I like women with substance,looks are secondary to me,but its the plain women that knock me back, the ones you have most in common with. Are these women chasing men out of their league ?
The younger women are great looking,but not for me too much of an age gap

Posted by: beguilemyheart at April 14, 2009 10:53 PM

Hey Beguilemyheart,

Your are trying to analyse women....forget it, who knows what they are thinking. Just stick to your guns and be patient....they can only say "no"...so what....and if they couldn't be bothered to respond, do you really want to meet them anyway?

Benjaminbutton,

Thats pretty rough generalising women in that way. I am no great shakes in the looks department and I have had contacts from some extremely gorgeous looking (glamourwise) women. I think it might have something to do with the fact that I dont come across as desperate or needy; and am just a friendly bloke who is not a threat and doesn't carry a chip on his shoulder.

Posted by: notafigjam at April 14, 2009 10:52 PM

Beguile....the younger women want your money and the security....the ones your age want Robbie Williams types especailly with motor bikes..perhaps it is the type of women that you are contacting.....the more attractive the women the more knockbacks you can expect to get....that's if they even bother replying....that's just the way it is regardless of age and remembereing back to my youth that is how it has always been.

Posted by: benjaminbutton at April 14, 2009 10:30 PM

Bequilemyheart ~ I think your profile reads well. Give it time. How long have you been on the site?

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at April 14, 2009 9:59 PM

What is it with women around my age 43, I'ts one rejection after another, please someone tell me what they want,yet women 8 to 15 years younger are interested.
Do I look far too young or too ugly to old or too old or maybe I come across as intellectually challenged,please someone enlighten me

Posted by: beguilemyheart at April 14, 2009 9:10 PM

Hi Zerofear,

Hate to say it, but it seems to me that first time around you exuded desperation; and every lowlife that preys on vulnerable women (and every desperate bloke) on here smelled an easy "kill".

For me, never lower the bar, its just about what perspective you have about "ideal". The door is always open for exceptions to every rule (I dont smoke, but wouldn't let that getting in the way of meeting someone whose profile I liked)....you are only trying to set a few parameters here.

I wont send a kiss to anyone where I am outside of any one of their parameters (ie job status, religion, age etc). I figure that if they are interested, they will contact me.

Posted by: notafigjam at April 14, 2009 6:38 PM

Woodnwine – We were together for only 18 months. Met him online. Saw his photo, thought he was handsome. He had a lovely face, lovely mouth and lovely smile. Had a couple of phone conversations where we seemed to share the same values and attitudes to life and similar ‘style’ of approaching life. Liked each other very much before we met face to face. Then, when we finally did lay eyes on each o ther in 3D it was amazing. Just what you hope it will be. Fireworks, instant physical attraction.

But he showed that he wasn’t not just out there to satisfy sexual hunger. (The, "friends with benefits" relationship is not satisfying to me. I need the complete stimulation (intellectual, physical AND emotional) in order to remain interested in a man.) He is a very attractive young man and he could have had any woman he wanted but he showed that he thought I was special by texting me lovely, romantic messages every day. He worked away at the mines but when he was home our outings were wonderfully happy times. Our eyes were only for each other and we snuggled up to each other a lot (much to the disgust of everyone around, I’m sure). I think we both knew that what we had was too good, too amazing, to last, (there was 12 years age difference between us – me being ‘the older woman’) -- so each moment we had together was precious.

We just ‘bounced off each other’, inspired and stimulated each other on all levels. We shared similar attitudes and temperament but we knew about different things so there was always something new to learn from each other.

Although our time together was short, I believe that if he hadn’t been taken away from me we would have continued to have that spark and would have been able to have a beautiful life together. Of course, I would have had to have resorted to plastic surgery in order to remain attractive to my beautiful, younger man.

Posted by: chemistrylesson at April 14, 2009 4:15 PM

Settling to me reeks of the poor person just not...and never going to be....right...it's just wrong...you see all those resentful couples in restaurants going through the motions of having settled...not for me ...rather be alone...bored and resentful...just joking...but I do agree that a person does not have to tick all the boxes...I actually have no boxes to tick...I would be delighted to meet someone with great mutual attraction, common values, humour...sure we could work out the rest...that to me is not settling but being realistic.

Posted by: istj54 at April 14, 2009 1:37 PM

Posted by: woodnwine at April 14, 2009 10:24 AM

woodnwine - I agree with you. I'm not looking for perfection straight away but I am looking for a fairly close match to the criteria I have set out. I believe that even if all the boxes on my list of wants are not ticked if I find someone who is a close match and we meet and hit it off then that's great. I also believe it is possible to fall deeply and madly in love with someone who doesn't tick all the boxes. So in the meantime I will not limit my options to the "perfect" fit. I will continue to look for a close fit and see what happens.

And now to change direction slightly......

I also think that none of us truly know exactly what we need in a partner. What we want is one thing but what is best for us might be something else. Should I look for someone just like myself or do I look for someone that in some areas is different to me? I like to think that finding the right partner will result in a partnership where the value of the partnership is greater than the sum of the individual parts. What do others think?

Posted by: icycle67 at April 14, 2009 12:45 PM

I send out only a few kisses every now and then I am careful about choosing who to send to. Firstly, I will be attracted by a persons picture, their smile or something in their eyes, I will then read through the profile. If that sounds interesting and has some ideas, humour or interests that I relate to, I will consider sending a kiss. If it then, from their 'ideal partner' and other infromation, looks like they are NOT looking for someone like me (significantly out of my age group or something like that) I will not send a kiss.
But even so, there are often no replies...I would prefer a "Thanks, but not thanks" If I get a positive reply I am prepared to spend a stamp on an email but find it the height of rudeness to then not get any reply.

I have had a few kisses that I have responded positively to asking for more information about the person only to not receive any further communication or email. I suppose they had plenty of options? If you send a kiss, then you should be prepared to follow up with an email if you get a positive response.

It's a bit like not replying when someone greets you and asks how you are... a bit rude.

Posted by: aquamanda56 at April 14, 2009 10:40 AM

All this talk about "lowering the bar" .... I think many of you are on the wrong track. Sure we shouldn't "settle" for people we don't really like but I do think many people expect to find someone who is perfect in every way and in general I just don't think that's going to happen. If I found someone who was nearly perfect (for me) I'd be willing to work on the rest. I hear of people who've been on their own for 20 years rather than settle and think that's a bit sad.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 14, 2009 10:24 AM

rsvp opens up a whole lot of oppprtunities for people who would generally not have the chance to date.

Posted by: superhero1965 at April 14, 2009 10:22 AM

Posted by: zac48 at April 11, 2009 5:15 PM

Zac - I think your reaction was pretty normal.

Posted by: chemistrylesson at April 12, 2009 11:00 PM

Sorry to hear about your loss ..... how long were you together?

Posted by: woodnwine at April 14, 2009 10:17 AM

Posted by: chemistrylesson at April 11, 2009 4:13 PM

I think the point is that many people expect someone to be perfect straight away. Almost perfect could grow into perfect, given time and a little effort. I for one definitely think some women are too hard to please because they don't even give men a fair chance. Many of us were out of the dating scene for a long time and are a bit "rusty" so we do a few things wrong. Usually this means instant dismissal.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 14, 2009 10:05 AM

What goes through my mind when I'm looking for a potential partner? Hmmm... are they open-minded? Do they want to know about me? (Last couple of dates have been with men who have just spoken about themselves and not been interested in asking anything about me!) Are they genuine or just out to play? I saw some comments below about kiss replies. I used to think it was kinder to not reply, but have changed my mind on that one. I now think it's a bit rude. It can take some courage to send a kiss... that deserves a reply. Sometimes it's a really small thing that makes me hesitate. For example - a man who is in his early 40s who's 'undecided' about kids. Is it just me, or wouldn't you think you'd know by that stage? Odd. I'd love it if someone could shed some light on that one! Anyway, I'm just keen to find someone who I can talk easily to, and who I have some chemistry with. Who thinks that's a tall order?

Posted by: nikkiblueeyes at April 13, 2009 11:31 PM

Hi Guys, this is my first time posting on here, have looked but never posted -this is what happens when it rains in Brisbane :-)

I gotta tell you, I have some observations about RSVP that I would like to share, hope thats alright. I have read everyone elses comments and thought you might be interested in mine.

When I separated from my husband 7 years ago, I joined RSVP out of desperation. We had been together a long time and my identity was very much tied to him and as a couple. My profile then was written that I was looking for someone to look after me which is also what I thought men wanted to hear.

I had that many kisses and emails it wasn’t funny. I went on a lot of dates, most of them not that flash but along the way I learned more about myself and what kind of person I wanted to be with. At the point that I decided I was happier on my own and enjoying doing my own thing, I met someone outside of RSVP.

4 years down the track I am back again. This time I was asked to do a story on social networking for a uni assignment, so I thought why not use my old friend RSVP again. So I put up a profile, this time wording it based on the truth of my life at the moment as opposed to what I think men want to hear.

Guess what? I have had next to no responses/kisses. What ones I have received have been from guys old enough to be my father or married men. My point is really the same as icycle67- i.e setting the bar too high? Should I lower the bar? I don’t think so. You know why, because last time I was desperate, this time I am happy being on my own and want someone in my life as opposed to needing someone and there is a HUGE difference. So because of that I must come across as being too independent or aggressive. My profile makes it clear I am not looking for white picket fences or a knight in shining armour.

Why does everyone else think? Gaby

Posted by: zerofear at April 13, 2009 7:36 PM

But not everyone can be grateful, right? So, for the warm-hearted persons who have ever felt frustrated:

Maybe it is time, to
Set your priority right

Spare your precious time
Not everyone as bright

If you prefer appreciative smiles, not
Angry outcry

Maybe it is time, to
Save your precious time
On someone who can smile

The end

Have a pleasant week, everyone.

Posted by: ahappyending at April 13, 2009 7:02 PM

Hi All,
It's been a rainy day in Brisbane and I've spent the last hour or so going through this blog and others. It's my first time reading and posting here.

The topic of "lowering the bar" is an interesting one.

For me, attraction comes from the entire package - mind, body and soul (or appearance, intelligence and the kind of person they are to use slightly different terms). Now, I haven't had a lot of success in the few months I've been active on RSVP. Maybe I have my bar set to high? But if I find a lady who I think is attractive, who is intelligent and seems to be a nice person based on what I see in their profile, I will express my interest by sending a kiss. Maybe I could be more successful if I chose to compromise some of my ideals ie, lowering the bar. But, would I be truly successful in finding a partner if I ended up with someone that didn't make my whole being explode with joy and make me feel like I want to burst out of my skin? (thanks to chemistrylesson for that description - it pretty much sums it up). I was in a marriage of 15 years where I don't think I every really had those feelings and I don't ever want to go back there. So I guess I will just have to keep looking and hope that "the one" for me will come along one day.

Also, there was a comment earlier about attractive ladies only going out with attractive men and that if you are a man of average looks you should only be trying to find a lady of average looks.......I don't agree with that at all. I might only be of average looks but I will continue to express interest in ladies I find attractive (mind, body and soul).

Thanks for reading and thanks for the insightful comments so far.

Posted by: icycle67 at April 13, 2009 6:33 PM

If we knew our way, would we be lost?
If we are lost, wouldnt we appreciate any guides?

Posted by: ahappyending at April 13, 2009 6:11 PM

Tks, Perth, if your last comment was talking to me. If not, it made sense anyway.

Posted by: ahappyending at April 13, 2009 6:10 PM

Hi Pennylane11,

I dont know about advice, but I tend to read profiles a few times before sending a kiss. This gives me time to get over the initial impact of a photo, or the wording of a profile, and evaluate just what I am seeing or reading; and whether I am a good fit for that person; as I want them to be a good fit for me. I also apply the same rules to responding, unless of course it is quite obvious to me that we are not a good match.

To me, you just have to remember that it is the person you are kissing who has all of the options; they actually owe you nothing, so dont expect anything and you wont be hurt.

Posted by: notafigjam at April 13, 2009 1:01 PM

Hi Chemistrylesson/Greeneyednikita,

I really bleed for you both having lost that special person (as I did when I was 18...same reason), because I feel that it will always be difficult to find another.

I married when I was 21, but probably shouldn't have (for both our sakes); even though she was, and still is, a lovely girl and someone about whom I would never accept a bad word. I have stayed single now for about 20 years because I dont see the point in settling (or being settled upon) for the sake of companionship....not factoring in the fact that I am an ugly bastard!!

To me, initial attraction is all in the eyes; they are the window to the soul...there is just "that look", and you hope that it translates into a personality that matches it.

Posted by: notafigjam at April 13, 2009 12:34 PM

I am a recent joiner, and I am very nervous about sending kisses. does anyone have any advice are cooling methods. I have friends that have used this and love it for meeting people, i hope i can end up like that

Posted by: pennylane11 at April 13, 2009 11:48 AM

Chemistrylesson ... I too have had that 'blow your socks off' feeling, twice. The first was when I was young, unfortunately it was not meant to be and he was killed. The second was more recent and he obviously didn't feel the same way about me because I found out he was cheating on me. I'll know that feeling again if it happens, but I'm not holding my breath. Until then I'll stay single.

Posted by: greeneyednikita at April 13, 2009 10:53 AM

I think you need to wait until you find someone perfect for you. By that I mean they are going to fit into your life in a meaningful and comfortable way, whatever your life may be at that time. I guess when you can relax and feel 'at home' with a person that is where the heart is and maybe there are a couple of things that you would like different but if it's not that important don't sweat on it. I think it needs huge effort on both parts to make any relationship work and not just judgements. Watching a fascinating documentary about the Tamil Tigers, there's always two sides to every story.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 13, 2009 12:59 AM

kungfumanda : If you're gonna quote...do it..but..do it right . There were no personal attacks......just a generalised observation.

Posted by: mrcheekyone at April 13, 2009 12:40 AM

greeneyednikita : Of course it works both ways.....as you put it . Why even bother meeting the guy if he didn't sound right in the first place....if they don't sound right on the phone they probably aren't .

britishracinggreen : No not looking for an idiot.......but looking for someone who can take things on face value and is intelligent enough to know the difference between BS and the truth .

Posted by: mrcheekyone at April 13, 2009 12:30 AM

Glad to see people share my thoughts on 'perfect' notafigjam.

As for sex and lovemaking, there is no comparison. Having sex with someone who is simply 'a wonderful, beautiful person', is simply sex -- a short-term physical release and pleasant ego-boost.

Nice enough, but absolutely no comparison with touching and being touched by someone you makes your whole being -- your heart, your mind and your soul light up. When you are with that person, your whole being will explode with joy. You will feel like you want to burst out of your skin.

I know this as I have both 'settled' AND loved totally.

I wasted 24 years of my life with someone who didn't 'blow my socks off' in all respects. A wasteful, hurtful, lonely time for both me and my ex.

The one I adored, died suddenly. But I'm glad, through my short time with him, that I have learnt the difference between sex/'settling' and love/lovemaking.

The second two are what I look for again. Don't know if I'll ever be blessed in this way again. But at least I know what I want and what it feels like.

Posted by: chemistrylesson at April 12, 2009 11:00 PM

Hi Chemistrylesson,

I completely agree with your assessment of "perfect" in your post of 4.13 of April 11. I have met soe realy nice women through this site, but no-one that I would say "knocked my socks off". Crude as it may seem, I dont want the person with whom I love for sex, I want the one that I with whom I want to spend the rest of my time.

Posted by: notafigjam at April 12, 2009 9:48 PM

How good is too good to be true? I heard that before, whilst having a massive heart attraction, when in doubt --you gotta trust me on this one money talks...You got that all privilege, average, advantage, generousity and body fit, but you know what? I got a sense here, that you suspect the soap is being used as perhaps some sort of self-appreciation lubricant. But I've got to tell you., we don't use it for that bait cos the hook is visible. In fact, in my experience, the answers a lot simpler,...we just like pumping squirter water gun and seeing how far it goes. We are like smashing the broken piece of mirrors, inexpensive and i felt sorry for it, how easy to get carried away ,....but one thing for sure I know....oil never mix up with H2O elements.

Posted by: birdsofparadise at April 12, 2009 9:09 PM

Hi midas58. Sorry, but attraction to someone is not a decision -- it is a FEELING. You cannot DECIDE to feel the all-encompassing 'wow!' that is necessary for a relationship to last. It either happens or it doesn't.

Would you like a woman to look at you and say, 'He has a lovely personality but I feel no spark for him and I do not desire him physically. Still, I know he adores me and would never leave me so I'll do the SENSIBLE thing and stick with him.'

Would you like that? I think only a man with no self-esteem would accept that sort of relationship.

Perhaps you should lower YOUR bar.

Posted by: chemistrylesson at April 12, 2009 9:02 PM

Thanks everyone for all that support and good wishes that came my way...same backatcha...I hadn't meant to sound so maudlin...I was just pondering my rsvp experiences in the last few months...seemed to be a pattern...I think saying we need to lower the bar not quite right...all people are equal and it's a bit insulting to say you've lowered the bar...I just think it is really hard to meet someone later in life with all that both parties bring together...bound to be lots of hiccups along the way...and that's why we keep on bouncing back again and again and again:))

Posted by: istj54 at April 12, 2009 8:39 PM

My ex husband is from the US ... trust me once you get to know them and get married ... they are no different from men here in Australia. The grass isn't greener on the other side. They just sugarcoat themselves to win you over. It's not just me that thinks that way either ... I have met a few aussie women who married men from the US that feel the same way.

Posted by: greeneyednikita at April 12, 2009 11:21 AM

Posted by: mrcheekyone at April 10, 2009 10:51 PM

Hey men don't want women who need to disect and analyse everything that's said

I met someone for coffee a couple of days ago who did just that.... so it works with either gender.

When we first talked on the phone I felt like I was being interrogated .... he wanted to know every little thing about my appearance. That was an absolute turn off for me, but decided to meet him anyway. I found him to be a very cold, matter-of-fact type of person. Shame because I found him to be quite handsome. Goes to show how shallow some people on here can be and that is not what I'm looking for. As soon as I detect a hint of insensibility in a person I'll run. I especially cannot stand men that have to brag, it is one of my biggest turn offs. Anyone with a boat or flash car in their profile pic to me is bragging. Maybe I should have a pic taken in my brothers audi TT and see how many hits I get lol.

istj54 don't feel sorry for yourself, feel sorry for the men who passed you up... they are the ones missing out. They obviously are not meant to be and there are bigger and better things out there just waiting for you. ;-)

Posted by: greeneyednikita at April 12, 2009 11:00 AM

woodwine : Hey.... my sentiments exactly, take notice ladies......see I'm not the only one !!!
istj54: I have read your profile and checked you out . You come across as a nice person and attractive to boot . Seems to me your attracting the wrong men who are only after one thing . Yeah I know.... s**t happens ,but at least your out there giving it a go.I'm sure the right man will come along . pip pip and chin up....

Posted by: mrcheekyone at April 11, 2009 10:36 PM

I couldn't agree with mr cheekyone more there is no man drought , women are just setting the bar a little too high.I am sure very few women look at themselves in the mirror and see the 45 +year old they are preferring to see the young 18 year old beauty they once may have been .Sorry to say ladies at 45+ gravity and time have affected most of us and you ought to be looking at dropping the bar not raising it.
I have not used rsvp for a number of years and yet I see the same faces I saw 5 years ago still looking for Mr right.
Do I sound a little jaded ?yeah to some extent I guess I am .I am told by many that I meet that I look more like 42 than 50 , I keep myself in good shape and work out 7 days a week , I have average looks , stand at 176 cm tall ,I work a 28 day on 28 day off roster abroad for a US based Oil company and take home over $180,000 each year after tax, I am told I have a kind and generous nature and yet I am treated like a leper .And I am sure there are many others like me , I am afraid girls you are setting the bar a little too high for this little black duck if you want more than that.

Posted by: midas58 at April 11, 2009 8:52 PM

Never mind J.L we love you

Posted by: benjaminbutton at April 11, 2009 6:48 PM

Questions? No, I dont have any at the moment.

I just follow the rule, ie, treat others in the way that I would like others to treat me.

Advantage of internet dating: endless choices.
The downfall: endless choices :0)

The advantage is for people who love socialising and love making new friends. It is nothing of advantage for people who do not enjoy much socialising with new friends. Chatting with a stranger in one occasion, eg, on a long hour flight, is different, which I dont mind, because it can be nothing related to personal and there are so much to talk about.
The downfall is for people who cannot make up their minds. :0)

Dating is nothing enjoyable for people who are introvert and shy. Of course no one will see I am shy, because I will have many deep breaths to pump up my chest so I can be strong and my face with beaming smile. But deep down, I would wish to stay at home. I know, I know, I can talk the talk but cannot do the walk. :0) Yes, yes, just treat it as making new friends, but I dont enjoy making any new friends in such a situation.

So, now I bury my head in the sand, if anyone understands.

Would anyone understand?

Posted by: ahappyending at April 11, 2009 5:52 PM

I've just spent the last hour & half reading thru this blog (something I've never done before It's a learning 4 me! {;-D) ) it's been really interesting - like having a conversation over a meal with a bunch of friends (who've never met - a contradiction for sure!). Sure, it got a bit testy (even a bit personal) at times - but then many good conversations do. My thoughts? To all - keep up the great work - keep being out there - putting yourselves at the coal face. It can be painful, but if you finally get what your looking for - it'll be worth it. Sure there will be clods (!) that fall at your feet! - the odd one might get near your heart and hurt a lot - or- I have nothing to offer - except that in your hearts, you all know what you are looking for- and I daresay, if you persist and keep focused - you will get what you seek - except that you might not recognise it at first. Which makes it all the more tantalising!

Posted by: nrg4life at April 11, 2009 5:49 PM

Hi everyone. I hope you all had/are having a happy and rewarding Easter.(I am still recovering, yet we're only half way through. Pass me another glass of Tequila, I need all the help I can get....) I have a question directed, not to anyone in particular, but everyone in general. I recently met a woman where there was quite a strong mutual attraction and seemingly had the potential to develop even further, yet this lady already had ongoing intimate relationships with several other men but was happy to engage in a similar relationship with me also, as long as she was able to "spread herself thin enough" to go around. Perhaps I am just an old fashioned boy but I found this attitude not only perplexing but also extremely offensive and insulting, she didn't seem to understand why. I am interested in hearing what the general concensis is regarding her attitude and perspective? or is it just me.

Posted by: zac48 at April 11, 2009 5:15 PM

Cheer up, istj54, from your profile you seem like a lovely lady in all respectsand I am sure there is a gorgeous (in all respects) man for you. Great post, by the way. When someone can feel a bit down but is still able to keep a sense of humour as you have, then they are in a good place. Take care now.

Posted by: chemistrylesson at April 11, 2009 4:30 PM

You're right, mrcheekyone, I want 'Mr Perfect' - 'Mr Perfect For Me' that is -- and I would imagine it's the same for all women -- just as the opposite is probably true for all men.

My ideal guy may or may not be rich, educated, have a six-pack, look like he stepped out of the pages of Vogue Men magazine or travelled the world -- but he will be someone whom I think is amazing in all respects (mentally, physically and emotionally).

In short I will be INTO him, as the current saying goes.

I am not going to settle for anyone who doesn't 'turn me on' completely, in all dimensions. To become a couple with someone who is simply a 'great person' (and there are many sweet, kind, nice men out there -- I've met them through this very site) -- is not fair on either myself or the man. If I 'settled' for someone who was just a lovely person but who didn't truly engage all aspects of myself, then in the end I would just be pretending that I was totally enraptured and 'into them' -- and be sure, my lack of complete, total, true love for them would eventually, one way or another, find me out -- and hurt both he and I.

So please, men and women, never say that the other gender is 'too fussy'. We respond to what we respond to -- and the most important thing is not to WHAT we respond -- but that our response be truly authentic, truly complete.

Best wishes to all.

Posted by: chemistrylesson at April 11, 2009 4:13 PM

Too add, The "Kiss" button is there to to indicate- "Hey, I liked your profile, check mine out and kiss me back if you would like an email from me". I have sent an unsolicited email to somone only because I was so taken in and impressed by their profile. It was just letting them know how much I liked what they had to say and I would have liked to have spoken to them in person to find out more about them and their life, which I found so interesting!

URBAN PRINCESSES- I take this to be the career or body obsessed women who have their focus on attracting one defined guy and that guy only. Career women because they are time poor and seek an equal or better in both career and appearances. As a guy not of this level will a) not be who they want to show off at work functions and or b) unable to financially support her when they finally decide to have children and are living off his income.

Posted by: completegent1 at April 11, 2009 3:52 PM

mrcheeky - more than a little truth in that, unfortunately.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 11, 2009 3:50 PM

I see a couple of issues coming fom this blog.
1. Aussie men don't approach women to ask them out.
2. There is a man drought.

As far as men approaching a woman to ask her out, some of us have the confidence where others don't. Generally a guy is reluctant to approach a woman to ask her out due to past attempts and the guy has been flatly ingored or laughed at. This doesn't do well for a guys self esteem. Also approaching a group of girls to talk to a particular lass who has caught your eye can be daunting. Alternatively, approaching a girl in a bar/pub on their own can also feel a little predatory for a guy and generally for a woman. From personal experience, I was new to Brisbane and I didn't know anyone here and one night I went out to a pub. I seen a couple of girls and thought I would go talk to them. Going up and introducing myself they automatically went on the defensive telling me they had boyfriends and they weren't interested. I had to assure them I was not trying to chat them up. I started to casually talk to one of the girls and her friend grabbed her and dragged her off.

In terms of a man drought, when you read some RSVP profiles some are very bland in what they are seeking in a partner while others want the 6 foot 4 inches tall model millionaire. When you date someone who doesn't indicate what they are seeking your bound to get the wrong guy. Likewise, if you create this "perfect" guy in your mind your bound to be disappointed in the responses and profiles on offer!

Posted by: completegent1 at April 11, 2009 3:31 PM

Posted by: istj54 at April 11, 2009 8:46 AM

It's nothing that you have or haven't done. Internet dating is not the same as meeting a person 'normally' in that you miss the 'normal' cues that you would get when you meet someone. Sometimes when we trawl through thousands of names we think that 'Mr. Right' has to be there. Not necessarily.
Ppl are on here for different motives - some to 'play the field' , others to find 'the one.' It seems to me that in this medium you have to go through more 'barriers' to meet 'the one' but it must be possible. Keep your chin up.

Posted by: diditforlove at April 11, 2009 2:47 PM

Istj, I am sorry you are feeling that way, especially over this lovely easter break. My take on it is never, ever, talk about past relationships, lovers whatever to someone you don't know very well. I think because this type of meeting is so alien to most of us and we are inclined to think we know the other person better than we really do, we are in essence revealing details of our lives and indeed another person in our life to a virtual stranger. I know when I hear someones comments about their ex I feel uncomfortable and switch off straight away. Of course, if it is something funny or happy that happened in their lives which relates to the conversation at present that is good. To me is speaks that the person has moved on and holds no grudges at all. I hope you feel better soon and meet someone lovely.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 11, 2009 12:10 PM

Yes, I am also curious to know just what is an "Urban Princess" or "Little Princess"?
What makes a woman fit into one of these categories?

Posted by: amberlight58 at April 11, 2009 11:04 AM

"...men don't want women who need disect and analyse everything..." Mrcheekyone, are you saying you're looking for an idiot?

Posted by: britishracinggreen at April 11, 2009 10:48 AM

So sorry to hear about that ISTJ. Who knows what to expect these days.
It is sad he couldn't just be "up-front" with you.
After all, isn't that what most people male and female, say they want, some real honesty and no games?

I was emailing a nice man I thought; we had only emailed 3 or 4 times. He told me he had 4 children 2 younger and 2 older, by two ex-wives.
I just asked quite innocently how he got along with his ex-wives, then bingo! No more emails and he took me off his contact list!
I must have hit a nerve somewhere, I suppose. It didn't really worry me, I mean I hadn't met him yet, but hoped to do so in the next couple of weeks. I was just curious as to how he "balanced" it all.
I guess if we were ever going to have anything more than a friendship, that topic would have come up eventually!

Woody, you may be right. But I do suggest that maybe some Australian women might have reason to be a bit suspicious of many men, after all, our Australian culture hasn't exactly been respectful of women over the years.
Look at the difference in the way mature women are viewed in Australia compared to overseas?
I also observe in quite a lot of my friends' relationships (I live in a rural area, it may well be different in the city) that the 'mateship' culture is contradictory to being respectful of your partner.
Blokes of my generation still get razzed by their mates about being " under the thumb" of the "little woman".

I have to say that this is changing a lot in the younger guys I see, even in the sporting area such as football and cricket.
To be honest, I see this change being brought around by the younger women in their mid-twenties and early thirties, who won't tolerate being treated by their partners in the same way they saw their own mothers being treated by their fathers.
In fact with many of these younger women, it is definitely them who "have the power" right from the start, (and they know how to use it!) quite unlike many women of my generation.
If you've never been treated badly or disrespectfiully, you won't anticipate or fear being treated badly will you?
That won't ever cross your mind.
I can't say the same for many women of my generation.

Although the stuff that is going on in some of the very young women's lives (in the other blog) may well see the pendulum swinging back, sadly for the self-esteem of some of these young girls.

Posted by: amberlight58 at April 11, 2009 10:43 AM

Hi Istj54,

Look on the bright side...if he cant handle your past history; he has got problems that you wont want.

Guys are idiots, we see something we want, then want something else because its new and shiny....or we bleat about women being princesses (some are, but we all want what we want...realistic or otherwise), when we are no better ourselves.

Posted by: notafigjam at April 11, 2009 10:41 AM

Woodnwine, on the other side of the coin, men in the USA and Canada love Australian women because they have a reputation for being open and honest, unlike American girls who were perceived as being unfriendly and closed-minded. Personally, I find the women in both countries to be unfriendly - that's just me though, but the men, as Kungfumanda said, were friendly and I had the same experience as she; being invited out with groups of friends - to art gallery openings, wine bars etc.... The women eventually warmed up once they realised I was legitimately trying to befriend people and wasn't man chasing.

I'll be off to the UK in a few months for a few months' holiday, but this time I have the feeling things will be different.

Posted by: britishracinggreen at April 11, 2009 10:38 AM

Am in a pensive mood today and am going to try to answer the questions...no, I did not get a reply from that person I can't stop thinking about...and it's kinda sad...think it was something I said on our last date...lesson...never be too open about past lovers...last date???...thought he was lovely...seemed keen too but then he met someone more lovely the next day...ah well...s**t happens...except that this has happened with my last four meets...is it me? I don't know the answer to that one...I send them rushing into the next woman's arms...will he be online today...most likely but not to talk to me...feeling sorry for myself...you bet...:))

Posted by: istj54 at April 11, 2009 8:46 AM

Man drought !!! I don't think so......This is an excuse many women use because they haven't found their "Mr Perfect" there is no such person !! If women dropped all their preconceived ideas of what their perfect partner should be and dropped their "Little Princess" attitude a lot more men would befriend them......Hey men don't want women who need to disect and analyse everything that's said ......By the way not every man has a one track mind .

Posted by: mrcheekyone at April 10, 2009 10:51 PM

Whatiswrongwithme, BRG, kungfu etc ..... I think the thing is that women overseas are generally friendlier and more open than Aussie women. Aussie women seem to be suspicious of your motives for some reason. Thankfully this is less prevelant in younger generations.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 10, 2009 8:54 PM

Posted by: britishracinggreen at April 10, 2009 12:49 PM

Good point. What I loved about American men is they took the bull by the horns and did come over and chat, came over to ask if you were single and if they could maybe take you out. I lived in Canada for 9 months and what I loved there was how guys would invite you out with all of their friends and I met so many great guy friends in my time in Canada.

It is harder here, there is no doubt, but its both sexes, its a tough crowd :-)

Posted by: kungfumanda at April 10, 2009 1:37 PM

Whatiswrongwithme - things will be better in America, and I'm saying that from experience. I stayed there for a few months last year and yes, Americans love Australians, even pale, skinny, English looking, educated accented ones like me - Aussie men don't seem to go for that. Men in California found me especially exotic because they were sick of meeting tanned, booby girls who weren't very articulate. Further north, in Canada especially, I met several men that I actually found attractive (I met them, didn't do anything else with them), but I did find someone to date for a few weeks and that just hasn't happened back in Australia. Of course, being a man your experience with be very different, but I'm sure it will be positive.

Posted by: britishracinggreen at April 10, 2009 12:49 PM

Posted by: horizonchaser at April 8, 2009 4:22 PM"
I would suggest that a 50% repy rate with a 10-20 % positive would be more the norm.Of those positives maybe 50% will bother to reply
Cheers Kenny

Posted by: benjaminbutton at April 10, 2009 11:49 AM

I think you hit the nail on the head there Laf re man drought. I don't think there is a man drought in this age group, but to be able to match with one in your specific area is the hardest part. I am sure there is somewhere out there for all of us somewhere in Australia, but the chances of meeting are, of course, exceedingly remote and it's not at all economic to be flying all over the place to meet. Therefore, I guess the geographical implications are huge as most of us have friends and family in our own areas/states and would be unwilling to move too far away. Never mind, I firmly believe if it is going to happen, it will.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 10, 2009 11:27 AM

Posted by: istj54 at April 10, 2009 9:56 AM

Yeh you know, it had crossed my mind he may just not be good at that stuff and what a mean person I would be just ignoring him if he thought he was being completely innocent and just genuinely wanted to come and see me. Then I think, am being niaive....so yes, thanks for that, I will wait a couple of days, pop back in for a latte and if he mentions it, I will say I was a little disappointed as I thought he wanted to get to know me.

Thanks, as again as BOP said so well in a post the other day.......if a man wants to be with you, he will, if he doesnt he wont up his game. I am old enough and ugly enough to know who I am and what I want and its my own fault if I lower my standards.

Cheers ISTJ....I guess the point of the story is, even when you find a mutual interest, these days its fraught with minefields and politics and different moral standards and we always think its the mutual attraction thats the hard bit :-)

Posted by: kungfumanda at April 10, 2009 10:07 AM

Posted by: whatiswrongwithme at April 10, 2009 9:21 AM

I suppose that all depends on your point of view ... :-D

From my perspective, there is certainly a drought of men in my age group, who are actually looking for women in my age group and are in my geographical area, or are willing to strike up at least a friendship with someone at distance.

Sign me: Not Willing to Go to Mt Isa.

:-D

Posted by: lafileuse at April 10, 2009 10:01 AM

Kungfu...it was a lovely flirtation...while it lasted...and he may just be the type who doesn't do the dinners etc...you could tell him you are disappointed as you thought he wanted to get to know you and see if he takes it to a different level...you clearly state what you want and give him an opportunity to step up...nothing lost:))

Posted by: istj54 at April 10, 2009 9:56 AM

Posted by: whatiswrongwithme at April 10, 2009 9:21 AM

I certainly don't think there is a man drought, not sure who has said that. However, I wonder, what kind of women are you going for, the right ones or the wrong ones?

What I mean is are you offering what you are asking for? I would love to know what you mean by urban princesses and what your impression of them are, especially on the Gold Coast I guess.

I cant see what you look like, but if you are a balding average looking guy for example and you are constantly trying to get the attention of the stunning barbie doll, then there is a gap there, stunning barbie doll is going to be interested in Crystal Ken. I know many guys get quite angry about that.......

However, if you are saying that women expect you to be buying them things, expecting you to entertain them constantly, paying for dinners upon dinners only to end up going for some other guy etc etc........I just dont know, hence am asking the question.

Who are these urban princesses to you?

Posted by: kungfumanda at April 10, 2009 9:54 AM

Posted by: whatiswrongwithme at April 10, 2009 9:21 AM

Can I ask, what do you mean by urban princesses? I have heard it thrown around a lot, what is it about the women that make them like that?

Are they expecting too much? If so why and in what way?

Posted by: kungfumanda at April 10, 2009 9:35 AM

Why do people say there is a Man Drought?

Because it is a MYTH!!

There is no drought, I've been looking now for 20 years on the Gold Coast... and NOTHING!! It has gotten so bad, I'm moving to the USA because Aussies are so popular over there, and the women more receptive.

So if there is ANY reason why there is a Man Drought, its because us men are sick to death of the stuck up, urban princesses who infest this country.

Posted by: whatiswrongwithme at April 10, 2009 9:21 AM

OK, now we're on to something. Thank you for the feedback. I get it now. My answer floodith in.
This is funny. This is good humour - life at its grandest essence.
The amazing thing, it has always struck me, is hurtful, weaker, lower forms of life CANNOT do genuine funny. Not in them. Forget, with aggression, those that mock, use sarcasm or bath their own soul by insults to others. They have nothing. Their core is depleted.
It shines like a torch, on a camp site, as the surest sign of their doomed folly.
I dare those that write to hurt, to throw something funny in. Can't do it .
We all seem to seek GSOH.
But I think we actually look for a type of humour. What is it that makes him/her laugh. That's the truer question. Any thoughts ? What do you folk find funny?
Justice rules triumphantly, once more, across this peaceful, mutually supportive land.
Thank you to all.

Posted by: jardinero2 at April 10, 2009 9:15 AM

Posted by: jardinero2 at April 9, 2009 8:17 PM

Sounds like a riddle:
What does everyone have, but not everyone can see?

I'm pretty sure this is one of the things that could never be verified in online screening. I'm also pretty sure that everyone who is psychologically 'normal' (whatever that is) has one. (There are probably conditions that make someone incapable of humour ... coma springs to mind.)

The things that strike one person funny, may not have the same effect on someone else. It all depends, I think, on culture and experiences and how words and image come together in the mind. I like puns, plays on words, and the slightly odd among other things. (One thing I thought was really amusing was the time I noticed braille on the buttons of a drive through teller. - OK, I know it wouldn't be cost effective to make non-braille machines, too, but the idea struck me funny. Visual puns are good, too ... eg Jean Shin's 'Sound Wave'.) Those were examples of things that are amusing and cause a smile ... I have laughed out loud while reading books by Tom Sharpe. I think John Cleese is very funny, but have never thought Jerry Lewis was. Love Black Books, Black Adder and the show that was cut short in its prime after 9/11, That's My Bush. I haven't watched Funniest Home Videos after my first viewing, because most of the clips just caused me to wince and feel very sorry for the person or animal getting hurt.

I don't think there is any good answer to your question, "Am I Funny" ... humour is in the ear of the listener, I guess - and their brain.

*****************************
World's funniest joke is apparently:

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

:-D

Posted by: lafileuse at April 10, 2009 8:11 AM

Posted by: lafileuse at April 9, 2009 6:56 PM

Hey thanks for that :-) I do sometimes feel some people cross the line here, they get into a direct personal attack, just like in the other forum Perth was unforgivably hostile, unbelievably so, calling me a drama queen and someone who invited a man to try and sleep with me, I lead him on. Which was so not the case at all, nothing I did could have possibly given him that idea and I certainly am no drama queen. A very direct and person attack and I am hugely offended by it, so much so I would happily get on a flight to Perth to have her repeat it to my face.

Angry angry angry, this is a forum to discuss opinions on subjects, not to attack individuals or give opinions on those as we dont like what they ask for, who they date, or who they dont...or what their very self is. Making attacks on peoples personalities, peopls choices and peoples lives individually, not as in an opinion generally is wrong and shoudl STOP on these forums.

Sorry, that isnt aimed at one person, its aimed at everyone......keep the opinons about the subject, not the poster.

Posted by: kungfumanda at April 10, 2009 6:09 AM

I think they are probably just winding you up kingfu and do it in spite of. I guess the 'I can do whatever I want' attitude so they throw a kiss your way to see what will happen. Maybe they want to email to try to find out why your criteria has been narrowed down so much. Who knows, but I can't see why it really matters. i get contact from 19 year old thru to 83 and I am not really interested in either. However, if one of them spent the money on a stamp I would reply to their email probably with a bit of newsy stuff about WA or the dog or something and that would be that.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 9, 2009 9:42 PM

Ok here's another one. SOH or simply - Am I funny ?
Everyone values it and watches for it very highly, loves it, likes it, hates it, dwells on it, expects it, uses it as a critical, or at useful, guide.
No one can witness, observe, measure, improve, change, adapt or modify their own.
Fewer still, can tone it down, mellow, or trim the frequency or change the style.
I throw a comment out or say things, often unchecked, unmetered, unmeasured, unguarded and spontaneously. Frequently,
it becomes a total surprise even to me.
Does this make for funniness or an embarrassing idiot in the corner muttering to himself. (I fear I have done this.)
They are just randomn responses or thought. Just as quickly, we like it or hate it - that's it.
I say a funny comment. people laugh and I'm not sure why.
Another time, outrageous laughter but for reasons I never saw.
So tell me dear people:
How do I describe this topic - SOH?
How do I demonstrate it - spontaneously?? We've all read the sad punch lines.
Can we set up a language, code, or colour test. Please advise.

Posted by: jardinero2 at April 9, 2009 8:17 PM

Hey BRG,

I'd fly to Noosa to have a drink with you.

In the inimitable words of Pauline Hanson "please explain"? Everyone is entitled to respond, or not, in any way they see fit.....they are not here to meet your expectations, they are here to fulfil their own (as you are, if your are being honest)....so good on you Kungfumanda; if people dont read profiles, then send a Kiss, what do they expect?

Posted by: notafigjam at April 9, 2009 7:53 PM

Previewing your Comment

Here's a brave thought, and a sincere one - I'm ready and accepting. I know not why, but I really am.
What does age 53 mean to you girls 45 or 48. What things are expected, assumed, feared.
Eg: good health, home, travel plans, or old fart to lazy to cook and clean ?
Eg: When people list their ambition to travel to a list of places, and I become " calmly aware " of costs.
Am I greedy, selfish, cowardly or weak?
Let's list those assumptions we make and get to the cause for the hesitancies, doubts of which, people have spoken.
Is it OK to pose this question?

Posted by at April 9, 2009 7:36 PM

Posted by: jardinero2 at April 9, 2009 7:38 PM

Posted by: woodnwine at April 9, 2009 5:08 PM

That's just it, isn't it? :-)
If serendipity didn't exist, there wouldn't be a word for it.

:-D

Posted by: lafileuse at April 9, 2009 6:47 PM

hmmmmm...and say "Happy Easter."

Posted by: istj54 at April 9, 2009 5:54 PM

Posted by: lafileuse at April 9, 2009 4:11 PM

Excellent post lafileuse .
Some of my best encounters have come from meeting people I wasn't actually that keen to meet. Sometimes people can surprise us in the nicest ways so I don't think anyone's ideas should be set in concrete ..... otherwise you might just miss out on meeting the love of your life no matter how well you think you know what you do and don't want.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 9, 2009 5:08 PM

istj - why would I be sarcastic to you? I meant Happy Easter genuinely ..... I thought you would have known that.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 9, 2009 5:01 PM

Posted by: lafileuse at April 9, 2009 4:11 PM

Good question :-) For the first time a genuine one where i am not feeling attacked, but an actual real question.

39 year old................you know if I received a kiss from a 39 year old he would not fall into the category of the much older man etc etc, as he would only be a couple of years older than myself and so could not be hugely offended by it. There are a couple of things I want to throw in at this point:

I am 37, I am heading toward 40 now and although I believe women in their forties are fabulous and I mean fabulous and in many many respects I am looking forward to being one of those fabulous 40 something women, as to me, I think forties is definitely the decade women are at their sexiest, sassiest etc...look at every gorgeous holywood goddess, nearly all are stunning 40 something, confident successful, sassy women. However, I am not there yet and I dont want to get their quicker by dating someone who is there already, its a milestone, its a new phase of life...well in my opinion and I dont want to get there quicker. When I am in my forties, I will happily date a man in his forties. Thusfar, I am still in my thirties and so date in my thirties.

I really have no clue to answer your question LaFleuse, its a good one, I will ponder it, but I really dont know as thusfar it hasnt happened.

Posted by: kungfumanda at April 9, 2009 4:43 PM

Posted by: kungfumanda at April 9, 2009 10:02 AM

I didn't mean to suggest you *should* rewrite your profile. I was just musing on why it doesn't seem to have the desired effect of keeping people away in spite of your warnings, which are of no little consequence given the price of stamps.

Some of those writing you might well be egotistical, disrespectful and rude, but some might just be optimistic, believing as WnW said that there is only the age thing, and they might as well contact you. They may know themselves very well and have a lot going for them, too. ... and we all have our own ideas of what is rude or disrespectful.

Online, we really don't know what people are like; we don't know what their motivations are; we don't know how well they know themselves; we don't know how much they really have going for them. All we can judge is how they present themselves here. I don't think all those that you are rejecting are delusional, but it is certainly your right to reject who you will.

(... and, just curious here, would you treat a 39 year old the same way as an even older man if he was gorgeous (to you), met all your other requirements, and didn't use the phrase, "down to earth" even once? ... or would the fact that he contacted you at all consign him to the reject bin? ... the whole boundary issue is interesting, and you seem to be the strictest person I've encountered in this place.)

Posted by: lafileuse at April 9, 2009 4:11 PM

WnW...I meant an unsolicited email...but I guess it is solicited...most kisses are unsolicited but I think these guys are thinking to take a chance on Kungfu but she is just doing what she states on her profile...they are playing a game and losing a stamp for it...she does state that she will do this so she is not in the wrong...guys choice to take the risk...was that a sarcastic Easter wish?
Having a big family lunch so it will be busy but I hope great too. Hope you enjoy yours too:))

Posted by: istj54 at April 9, 2009 3:38 PM

istj - it may be rude to send an unsolicited email but a kiss? A kiss is like saying "hey, I know I don't exactly fit what you're asking for but what do you think anyway?"
You have a great Easter too.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 9, 2009 2:59 PM

Posted by: istj54 at April 9, 2009 1:39 PM

Thank you, phew....was starting to think I was alone in my opinion that its rude on their part to think I talk out of my rectum :-)

Yes, I get the same thing, it asks me to sign in after I have typed a glorious something and I lose it.....frustrating as hell

Posted by: kungfumanda at April 9, 2009 2:28 PM

I keep posting such profound stuff but my own laptop keeps jumping about and losing it...try again...excuse me repeating if post appears...Kungfu, I don't think that you are rude doing what you warned these men on your profile three times...they are just hoping that they will get through to the keeper...they are risking their own stamp for this...nothing to do with you...you can reply, or not...they know full well it's arisk...unless they just write without reading your profile...just on looks...silly boys:))

I admire that you know exactly what you want...wish I did...something different each day.

Posted by: istj54 at April 9, 2009 1:39 PM

Posted by: mrcheekyone at April 9, 2009 12:57 PM

Hahahahahahahaha...............okay, where to start on that, its so loaded.

Firstly, this is coming from the guy who uses the typical older man call of 'I look and act younger, in fact people think I am ten years younger than I am'....and yet you are accusing people on here as being delusional?

Sorry, but the point is, there are no women on here who arent ladies, every single one is in fact a lady, so throwing personal insults is just not acceptable.

Have an opinion on topics, but personally insulting people is both cowardly and just out of line.

Posted by: kungfumanda at April 9, 2009 1:31 PM

Hello boys and girls ( I'm being sarcastic ) seems to me some of these ladies not...need a reality check,as do some of the guys. Life's to short to be dilusional . Think about it......really !

Posted by: mrcheekyone at April 9, 2009 12:57 PM

Oops, I posted this missive in the doggy blogs when it is a question time blog response, so have reposted it below:

Thank you kungfu for leaving the older blokes for us older girls!

And about the way you choose to flick their interest in your profile I believe is your business and is of no business of mine...to each his/her own. I have no doubt that when your business becomes my business, you would let me know.

Some time ago, I received an email from a nice young man who was 31yo who presented as a great catch. I responded politely and reminded him I already have a lovely natured, kind, tall, caring and gorgeous 30yo chick magnet in my life who happens to adore me (my son) and I have zero, zilch and zippo desire to hook up with a younger bloke.

I also suggested he should be chasing younger women of similar ages to my two lovely daughters and not wasting his emails on an older gal like me. He responded by saying he was only interested in older women.

Once again, to each his/her own I guess.

PS. Like Woodnwine, the exchanged emails were polite, fun, informative and of no romantic intent.

Posted by: bellibone at April 9, 2009 12:29 PM

I say I am happy to date anyone from 8 years younger to my own age............it doesnt mean I expect 30 year old men to fancy me, or want to be with me and I would feel it totally justified if a 30 year old man found me unattractive as I was too old for him.

I am being honest and realistic........I am far from egotistical, I know myself and my limitations but also what I deserve and my fine points, it seems many men however dont.

Karma, bring it on, I know what I deserve and its good......and frankly, as I say, if your opinion differs and you really feel the need to launch personal attack on me directly, rather than keeping conversation on general points, please dont be a coward sitting behind a laptop, this goes for everyone, come do it to my face.

Posted by: kungfumanda at April 9, 2009 12:28 PM

kungfu - why do you think it's OK for you to look for someone 10 years younger than you (that's what it says in your profile) but if someone older than you contacts you you think that's disgusting and egotistical and they deserve everything they get? Are you not being just as egotistical as the men you are accusing?

Have a nice tradie-free Easter.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 9, 2009 11:36 AM

"Jenni, thats your opinion and up to you, I feel perfectly justified when a man nearly my fathers age sends me a kiss when I have asked in two places in my profile for them not to. I will continue to do it, I do find it disrespectful and frankly, I really dont care what you think of me being hateful and spiteful to be frank.

Posted by: kungfumanda at April 9, 2009 5:07 AM"

Wow, you really limit your opportunities dont you? I've used RSVP to make some really good friends, some much older, some much younger. I once saw a young girl's profile that I thought was outstanding so contacted her and we exchanged a few emails then wished eachother well and went our own ways. It was fun, polite and I think made both of us feel good by sharing our experiences, despite our age differences. She knew I wasn't trying to hit on her and I enjoyed getting a different perspective on things from her.

Rudeness is just rudeness, there can be no opinions on that. Did you ever think a man might contact you because he thinks for example, he meets every other criteria but is one year too old so instead of sending you an email he thinks, "I'll just send her a kiss first and see what she thnks, that's polite". And what do you do? You reply that you'd like to hear from him. A bit of maturity might just be called for here, I think.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 9, 2009 11:27 AM

Posted by: jenniferhi at April 8, 2009 7:41 PM

Excellent response ..... well said. Kungfugirl, have you ever hear of Karma?

Posted by: woodnwine at April 9, 2009 11:20 AM

"Unfortunately my RSVP experience has left me bitter towards the opposite sex.

About 10% of my kisses get replied
About 1% of those are positive
of those about 2/3 waste my stamp (and my $$) by not even replying to my email.

Is this the norm?

Posted by: horizonchaser at April 8, 2009 4:22 PM"

I'd say that's unusual mate and I for one am sorry to hear it. I had a quick look at your profile and it seems honest and humorous so maybe you need to re-evaluate the type of women you're sending kisses to. Good luck and happy Easter.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 9, 2009 11:16 AM

Posted by: lafileuse at April 9, 2009 9:27 AM

To be honest, I am not looking for a critical review of my profile, I was discussing a topic, I am quite happy with how my profile is written and am not looking to be personally attacked or scrutinised here, unless of course someone really feels the need to tuck right in and then I woudl ask them to contact me and do it to my face and not over a computer.

However, on point.........I think if somoene is realistic, they will read it and know who I am and should in fact be able to see if they associate.......I talk of being a big kid, being travelled, being intelligent, liking certain things......a man should be able to see from my photos whether he is physically equal as well as from my profile if he is intellectually, personality wise an equal too and also if my words ring a bell to him.

If not, sense would govern he should stay away...........a lot of my contact since that profile to answer the question, has been reasonable to be honest, not too many deluded and ridiculous

Posted by: kungfumanda at April 9, 2009 10:02 AM

I also think there is a lot of niaivity going on here too.

I am talking about me being very clear not only about my criteria (with no exceptions after it) and also pointing out anyone who kisses over that age I will indeed reply to waste their stamp if they have been so disrespectful (and egotistic). I am not doing it without warning, I don't do it when the unattractive guy kisses and I wonder what was going through his head...I wouldnt do it when the guy who can't string a sentence together sends a kiss etc....I am quite clear.

Plus to not put too fine a point on it ladies, well specifically you older ladies, I have heard many many being critical of the over ego'd 40-50 something man who chases younger women. These are predominantly men with stupidly deluded ego's who think they are too good to date their own age and thus, I am sorry, its not warm and fuzzy and so deserves it in my opinion, I wont change.

I gave the warning, I asked three times in my profile (in capitals with no exceptions).......I think its niaive to think it has any nice intentions if they ignore that and really its as they want to just be pen pals.

Posted by: kungfumanda at April 9, 2009 9:40 AM

Posted by: kungfumanda at April 9, 2009 5:10 AM

So it is a case of buyer, beware then.

... and you still get unwanted contact? I noticed you don't spend a lot of words on what you *do* want in terms of a man's characteristics, compared to what you don't want. Maybe it's easier for someone to rationalise, "Well, that's not what I'm like" for the negatives and overlook what you are looking for. I think most men would feel they have warm hearts, follow their dreams, and are intelligent and romantic (hey, I believe that about myself ... I think a lot of us do).
Just a thought.

Posted by: lafileuse at April 9, 2009 9:27 AM

I think it is not only rude to give someone a 'come on' and then stiff them for the stamp, it is *mean* in at least two senses of the word. There are plenty of replies that could have been sent (some which I think are at least a little rude and mean anyway), and those only take two clicks. As said before, people can also be banned. (I haven't looked at the banning process, but maybe there is a way that you can automatically ban any male over your age limit.)

KFM, I think a person, male or female, has every right to be as specific as they want on their profiles, and if you know exactly what you want, that's great. You don't have to justify your choice to anyone, nor should anyone else have to ... but because of that, there is absolutely *no* reason to be insulting about others.

I respect people's profiles, and have only gone outside them twice, once by accident when I only noticed the distance requirement after I sent the smile, and once because there was that very rare profile that really 'spoke' to me. I immediately thought that I'd really like to know *that* person, even just as a pen pal. Both times I received that very nice thanks, but no thanks reply ... and that's fine. I suppose my point is that this is a tough scene, and a difficult way to get to know people, and while there are sharks in these waters, there are also a lot of people who are just doing the best they can and putting themselves out there. I think this is one place that can only benefit from a little generosity of spirit.

Posted by: lafileuse at April 9, 2009 8:30 AM

Perth, in all fairness to myself, not only have I writtten NO OLDER THAN 38, NO EXCEPTIONS...in capitals in my headline, I have also written it in my profile body text and I have written it in my perfect partner telling them very very clearly that I will waste a stamp if they kiss me ............I tell them in my profile that I will do this.............I dont just do it..............so if they kiss...........then they either are disrespectful themselves, or they havent read my profile and are messaging based on physical only.....which if they are much older etc are insulting me.

I stand by what I have done, I have written it in my profile, it has stopped silly egotistic older men messaging me, thankfully

Posted by: kungfumanda at April 9, 2009 5:10 AM

Jenni, thats your opinion and up to you, I feel perfectly justified when a man nearly my fathers age sends me a kiss when I have asked in two places in my profile for them not to. I will continue to do it, I do find it disrespectful and frankly, I really dont care what you think of me being hateful and spiteful to be frank.

Posted by: kungfumanda at April 9, 2009 5:07 AM

I just think it's bad manners not to reply and also bad manners to lead someone on and I would think extremely hurtful. Maybe the person simply hasn't noticed an age restriction and most people can make contact anyway. Maybe they would just want to become a penpal, I don't know, just can't see the reasoning behind not replying at all after an invitation. The most difficult I find are the ones who email with just a phone number. i don't want to ring a stranger so I always reply by email and try to see what happens. If all I get is another phone number I don't bother any more.One guy replied with 'I don't communicate on here' and gave me a hotmail add, to communicate meant I had to do from private address also so email back newsy sort of thing and the reply was 'I already told you.......I blocked him, sounded like a real creep to me.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 8, 2009 9:24 PM

I think that is hateful and spiteful Kungfuamanda to ask for an email just as a spiteful way to cost them money and waste their time composing an email. I suppose you read them with glee and gain delight in not replying. When all you needed to do was kiss reply the answer "have you read my profile" type answer.

Just because they don't meet your criteria they may still for some reason think they could connect with you in some way. I have made wonderful connections with men here even though I didn't meet 'their' criteria. You just never know.

You call them "disrespectful" - I actually think it places you in that catagory by disrespecting common courtesy by way of a reply.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at April 8, 2009 7:41 PM

...gotta say those odds aren't that bad, horizon...what about that third of one percent? That's all it takes:))

...as far as not replying when an email has been sent, I have been guilty of that...sometimes I have received the most awful, boring letters that are almost autobiographies leaving absolutely nothing to the imagination...or to find out...what can you politely say in reply to theses screeds?

Posted by: istj54 at April 8, 2009 5:41 PM

Posted by: horizonchaser at April 8, 2009 4:22 PM

Of course its normal Horizonchaser, mutual attraction is rare, thats what makes it so special. If every door we knocked we got a yes answer, there would never be anyone special in our lives.

I am sure if you looked at every member of the opposite sex on here, there would be some you would go 'no way would I say yes to those', in fact probably most...so you cant expect every one you like to be interested in you back.

Don't get bitter about it, its just life....we all have preferences in who we want, what we want and what we think we are compatible too.

As for the not answering when they have asked you to mail them......................I wont answer that, as I am the one who has if any guys over 40 send me a kiss, I will reply that I am interested and have them waste their money (as I say clearly no over 38's but every older guy thinks that excludes him, so I kind of think I am justified if they are being that disrespectful and stupid).

However, yes its rude.

Chin up Horizon.........dont get bitter..........its a numbers game and finding that needle in a haystack is what makes love special......its not meant to be easy to find mutual compatibility.

Posted by: kungfumanda at April 8, 2009 4:58 PM

Dear Horizonchaser,
Some of us aren't that bad and actually we have the same problems as you do, some people have a disjointed view of the type of person you will find on rsvp, your not going to find a super model on rsvp and should look beyond photos, I am very reluctant to send kisses myself as some men have a high opinion of themselves too. It's not easy but keep looking maybe you should put a few people in your favourites first, go back and read their profile without looking at their picture and decide whether you want to make contact with them, hey if they don't have the descency to reply one way or the other they are not worth knowing anyway good luck with your search

Posted by: guardianangel8 at April 8, 2009 4:56 PM

Unfortunately my RSVP experience has left me bitter towards the opposite sex.

About 10% of my kisses get replied
About 1% of those are positive
of those about 2/3 waste my stamp (and my $$) by not even replying to my email.

Is this the norm?

Posted by: horizonchaser at April 8, 2009 4:22 PM

I think you just have to be a bit tough here...I mean don't take snubs personally. From hearing what some of the veteran RSVPers have had to say it takes many kisses and many first meetings before you might get to a second date...some people are luckier apparently.
I always reply to kisses one way or the other, not everyone does though. I do find it impolite of people who ask for an email to then not reply. If I sent an email unsolicited, then it is my bad luck, but to have been asked and then after spending a stamp not receiving a reply is just rude.

8 weeks is hardly giving it a try though. In every day life you wouldn't normally discover a significant other in just 8 weeks of looking. RSVP should just be considered another meeting place, not a replacement for all your other activities where you might meet someone. Just my view anyway.

Posted by: aquamanda56 at April 8, 2009 3:52 PM

What goes through my mind? Probably the same things that go through any woman's mind...and it is true that this RSVP journey breeds cynercism. I'm over buying stamps. Why am I still here? ( after 8 weeks? ) It was worth a try. Maybe, just maybe there's someone out there that's not trying to sell real estate, is balanced, is fair dinkum and has got some time in her life...maybe

Posted by: morethanthesewords at April 8, 2009 1:30 PM

BRG - I understand where you're coming from, I think we all get that happening to us but try to understand some people are just trying to be nice, optimistic and genuine. It's a hard thing to work, this RSVP, and often people don't abide by everything you've written. They may see something in your profile that touches them and they think "I'll give it a go even though I don't meet all her criteria".

I do wonder about the long distance ones myself but others disagree and I personally know of some people on RSVP who have made it work.

Also remember, for everything you've written, the same thing applies to women.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 8, 2009 12:46 PM

Oh and BRG, I disagree with Jenni, I actually love your profile, its well written, its clear, direct and honest, non time wasting, says you are clear and know what you want and nothing more or less than that.

I think far too many women are scared of frightening men off with strength and directness, if your profile was written by a male with that same upfront, direct honesty, I really am unsure whether anyone would be worried about him scaring women away. I should say the type of man you are looking to attract would be attracted to you for the way your profile is written and the ones who get scared, are likely the ones you want to be scared anyway :-)

My vote...definitely dont change your attitude....if its you and representative of you.....dont act someone different to attract people.

Posted by: kungfumanda at April 8, 2009 11:52 AM

BRG, I understand your frustration, you have to wonder what some men are thinking when they must known they are highly unsuitable......but I think they maybe have a more optimistic 'you have to be in it to win it' kind of mentality.

Try to block it out, I get hoards of tradies in singlets who look like their parents were related, even though I clearly dont want that...used to bother me, now I know many just send a kiss as they know it will make me bark an obcene comment, or they just dont read,or think they are really wearing a shirt not a singlet and their parents were actually related :-)

Posted by: kungfumanda at April 8, 2009 9:24 AM

BRG - Sheesh that is a bit harsh. Is it not that hard to just send a "Thanks but no thanks."

You do seem a tad worked up about it all. And your profile reads a bit that way too. Ouch! Might be scaring that special man away.

It's much simpler to just enjoy the journey and be grateful for those that find you attractive and wish to make contact. Take it all as a compliment. And also be grateful for your lovely looks and body. Not all of us are so blessed.

Good luck.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at April 8, 2009 8:38 AM

I don't understand at all why all of that is happening brg, but I am sure it will happen to you more after that little hissy! I think that is extremely rude dubbing everyone illiterate, that is just not nice.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 7, 2009 11:08 PM

Posted by: jardinero2 at April 7, 2009 6:44 PM

There is a very similar response:
"Thanks! I wish you well in your search."

Oddly enough, I think it appears under the first section ... "interested", if I remember correctly.

:-D

Posted by: lafileuse at April 7, 2009 10:53 PM

Why does everyone ignore my ideal partner criteria? Why is everyone so illiterate? Why do smokers insist on sending me kisses? And the men who live hundreds of miles away- are you going to fly to Noosa to have a drink with me? Why do "athletic" men look like Merv Hughes instead of Roger Federer? These are the questions I want answered. AND, when I say I just want to be friends, it means just that; FRIENDS. In truth, it also means I don't find you attractive but we have a lot in common and I think we could actually be friends, but most men seem to think it means "friends with a view to a relationship a bit down the track". Not at all.

Posted by: britishracinggreen at April 7, 2009 10:35 PM

My experience has improved the longer I have been here.

In the early days it sort of hurt if you got a "No thanks" from someone you perhaps thought was a possible good contact. But these days doesn't really matter. For some reason the other person obviously finds something not quite there for them, so.. so be it.

I do get a bit cross though if you make a contact, you spend the stamp then a big fat nothing. How rude! Why do people do that? Just a game to them. And not a nice one.

All in all RSVP has been fantastic. Made heaps of wonderful friends. But not Mr. Right just yet. But of course I am forever hopeful. He's out there somewhere. Just got to find him!

Good luck to us all!

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at April 7, 2009 8:02 PM

Yes, I declare confidently and write boldly to all the world.
Yes, Lara, I receive a great deal beyond potential dates and phone numbers.
Yes. My RSVP journey has made me more aware of the thousands of people walking similar paths to my own. People I will never meet, but without doubt, will stand beside in bus stops and trains.
People smarter, more attractive, more enticing, more worldly, travelled and interesting then I have ever been. People who now share this walk, beside me, and by their very presence here, validate me.
They give me much to be grateful for.
Their interest, recognition and affirmation of the value of profile qualities I had forgotten. Honest souls boldly declaring how arduous and difficult all this, truly is. A nod from distances far by travel, but neighbours by spirit. The spark created by someone visiting my site - some perhaps by accident - but staying long enough to look. The curiously compelling appearance of smiles - lost no doubt - years younger than myself. Readings of lives described and mirroring parts of my own. The list is endless, a list you now all sit and perhaps take time to ponder.
So yes, Lara I have gained much. Much more than targets and dates first sought. So, I write this note to simply award to all, my thanks.
PS ( to Lara & RSVP leaders) please install a return kiss that simply says "thanks all the best." There is none.

Posted by: jardinero2 at April 7, 2009 6:44 PM