RSVP Blog
Is it cheating if I date more than one person at a time?
So let's say I meet someone that sparks my interest. We go out on a series of dates and get to know each other. We both seem to get along and I see this relationship having some potential, so I keep seeing my date.
In the meantime, another potential has entered the scene, and he asks me out on a date. This new guy seems OK on paper, but I agree to go out on a date with him to get to know him better.
Is that cheating? Should dating be exclusive?
Posted by April 14, 2009 10:30 PM
Latest Comments
No, its not cheating and 'dating' is different from 'exclusive'
Obviously exclusivity can only reached by both parties involved. Dating is just that, dating. Its not a crime to have options and unfortunately its the world we live in. When you simply cannot stop thinking about one person, its time.
Posted by: countryprince at October 26, 2009 10:52 PM
Surely it's all about individual personal choice though and what's good and what's right for the individual at the time. I don't think of sex as touching my soul, touching a few other things maybe, but not my soul. Also how can you have all these rules. If you have all these rules, you are going to set yourself up for a fall immediately because someone has to enforce them. I would hate to be with someone who was so up themselves they thought they were going to tell me what I can and cannot do. I also don't understand the three month rule at all. So, you count the days on a calendar and then bingo 'come you you, we have got to do it'. sounds awfully cold and calculating to me. Rules are for legal authorities, caring and sharing shows the true nature of the person. Where there are rules, someone is putting themselves in a position to enforce them and that sounds absolutely dreadful to me. I would be having a good long look at the person if they tried it on me and would be asking them why they thought they were so perfect they could force their views on me. And then I would ask them to close the door quietely please when they leave. Yaaaaaaaaawn !
Posted by: iaminperth at October 24, 2009 5:26 PM
Multiple dating is good in my opinion because you can meet someone and think your in love with them before you even know them properly. Multiple dating helps you put things in perspective and you may find the person you thought you were in love with wasn't actually the right person for you. I've made the mistake of getting serious too soon and i could have dodged a bullet if i'd been on more dates at the time
Posted by: pj00026 at October 24, 2009 8:59 AM
Silly, I agree once you have actually gotten to know each other.....................but you cant know if the relationship is heading somewhere after only a few dates. It does take a couple of months to know someone well enough to make a decsion to be exclusive I believe.
Posted by: onemoreoption37 at October 11, 2009 9:44 AM
If we mutually like each other and see that the rship is heading somewhere, I wouldn't go out on a date with someone else. Because it won't be called a rship if you weren't in it... It would have been just friendship - then you can date more than one person at a time.
Posted by: sillyrants at October 11, 2009 2:41 AM
Intmail, sorry I disagree with everything you have said, whoever you are.
I believe casual sex is wrong................its wrong for a number of reasons. First and foremost, its a way to touch your own soul, every time you give it away casually,you take a little bit of your own soul and a little bit of someone elses. its not about feeling guilty about sex, sex is only worth having if its at the depth of level you can get to with someone you really care about who also cares about you.
Ask anyone to be truly honest and just about everyone, seriously, I have asked this question many a time and just about everyone says casual sex is not that great. You may think you are great, seems all men do, but they are only legends in their own minds and insecure women (whcih there are a lot out there now who put out for attention only) will tell you you were great too, as they fear rejection so much.
Not only that, people and animals are the two most valuable things on this earth..........there is nothing, but nothing more important or that should be cherished any more than people and animals...................and in my view, using one as a scratching post, a toy, a commodity, or something to get yourself off really is not good, consentual or not, its not good.......................as you will often find that at least one of those partners and more likely both are only having that sex for their own insecurities, its rarely and almost never about good sex, as it absolutely never is that good to crow on about.
I dont think I am missing anything on the 3 month rule......................................what I am doing is getting to know someone...................not findinrg out after I have had sex with him that he is a completely different person. As humans, we want to be someones ideal that we are attracted to, so often tell white lies to fit in...................I dont want to sleep with a guy and find out he lied about who he was, I want the decision to be mine if I like him or not..............................WORDS ARE CHEAP..........actions are what its all about and actions, take time to get to know.
I dont buy words, thats why i will date as many people who are compatible as I can at the same time for a few months until I find the RIGHT one...........not the one who tells me he is as he wants to be........only to find out later he was full of it
Posted by: onemoreoption37 at October 10, 2009 6:10 AM
If you can't tell both of them the truth. Then it is the wrong thing to do.
Posted by: anordinaryfellow at October 9, 2009 4:10 PM
well if u believe in ownership ven dont c anyone else, if u have an emotional conection or sexual ven if asked by other if ur seeing anyone u tell v truth n say yes, if vey ask ven if u r in love n u say no cause ur not ven thats wat id do. at v end of v day wat matters is who u love n want 2 spend time with not who ur having conversations with or sex with.
1 more option u make it sound like ur dating leaches- sex is a 2 way trip babe if thats not ur experience ven perhaps b more selective with who u have sex with!, with u on v different behaviour before n after- its called seeking approval v less emotionally inteligent v more thios tends 2 happen, cause our society is so mixed up bout sexuality people oftne choose 2 b deceptive n act accordingly 2 achieve thier aim, if we were more relaxed n truthful bout sexuality ven this sort of neg would lessen n people b happier. trouble with 3 mth rule is that 2 an extent its delaying an in denial of human sexual atreaction which has a short lifespan so u mayb preventing v intimacy which u seek in v long run.
comrade ur spot on babe. tapestry yeah i liked that album. false expectations brought on by false conditioning n ignorance of human sexuality does often indeed lead 2 tears, trouble is most opeople lack v insight n emotional inteligence 2 knoe wat ver feeling n doing never mind v other person.
trembling money sorry 4 iinterviening, dont no who ur talking 2 but looking 4 other options when dating is usually a sign of instability, insecurity, we often get 2 caught up peering into v future, v more options we have v higher v stress levels, ive experienced this several times, its often called comitment phobia- which is usually directed at men but i guess now that women have become masculanised vgey r suffering from it 2, rest of ur comments prety well spot on.
seasider u appear 2 b bit neg bout sex, sorry if this is v case, sexual attraction is a part of our species 2 deny this strong sense is questionable, through sex we r propeled into intimacy, bonding, v begingins of pair bonding, sometimes it works sometimes not, this is life, people who dont act on sexual attraction often dont get another chance.
other posabilities- life is like this not just in v cyber world n texting, perhaps u mean that in person ver r more senses on alert 2 better indicate wether compatable or not which is less so with tecknoledgy n therefore it can take longer 2 stay or go?, this hormonal reactionary behaviour is natures way of propagating v species, its a strong 1 n 1 i like, doesnt mean long term though or short 4 that matter. i find with women that when ver not interested or anymore they go silent so im madly texting not knowing if she rec mes- if womwn took more responsability an learnt how 2 b assertive ven this could b avoided.
comrade u seem 2 have a neg view on sex 2, wats with vis selling comment n traps, r u saying u dont like sex ( sorry if thats bit persoanl), often i find v words n phrases women use r neg towards sex an i find this disconcerting, we live in a society which is neg towards sex, as aduklts we can 3 ourselves from this conditioning if we choose. v responsability n joy is shared is it not?, or r u talking bout v trap of false expectations of more than casual sex in v long term?, intmail
Posted by: intmail at September 6, 2009 8:48 PM
hi seaside - I posted that so long ago I'd forgotten what I wrote!
and yes - you make perfect sense
and no - it's not a good thing, not at all.
it all comes down to just being more discriminating and not selling ourselves short. But I think it's only in understanding these things that we really can stop ourselves from falling into these traps.
Posted by: russianballerina at August 29, 2009 8:22 AM
Great post seasider. Never a truer thing said, when women sleep with a man they start excusing away all the red flags and you got it, they ignore things they shouldn't be ignoring, like that he isnt what she is looking for at all.
Shakey, each to their own, but after just a few dates, I dont know someone well enough to be exlusive and I would see it as him being a fantasist if he expected so, as I have neither proved myself worthy to him and nor has he me of being my one and only. I want the real thing, not the forced thing, or the fantasy thing, or the 'I wish it was so it is' thing, or 'I want it so much if it isnt happening lets just pretend for a while'.......
The right person will stand out whilst you are dating others, the wrong one will blend in iwth the crowd.........its all too easy to want the relationship too much to try too hard with someone you barely know, or in fact, life invade, after one or two dates to be calling every day and totally life invading.
I see too many people having fantasy relationships, spending a month or two texting and calling every day, totally invading each others lives only to wake up the reality they have absolutely nothing in common and its just been a whirlwhind of wishes
Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 29, 2009 3:32 AM
Yes Russianballerina - that's an easy trap to fall into - If I'm understanding you -so you date a guy and he's 'nice' - not really the thing you're looking for - but you believe he's clearly a nice person and then... after a reasonable amount of time getting to know....you have a lovely dinner and decent amount of alcohol - yeah why not - for some reason he is now more attractive to you after sex and you overlook the things that might have eliminated him previously - this is not a good thing in my view. Its a great place to be when you date someone - once or several times and even though you are in the mood for sex - for sex sake - you say no - for yourself and move on because you know it was just sex for sex - not that you necessarily wanted to move the relationship up a notch ... am I making any sense?
Posted by: seasider09 at August 28, 2009 10:59 PM
There's a key phrase in the paragraph: "we seem to be getting along and i see potential in this relationship"...if your instincts are telling you this, why are you looking somewhere else lol? it doesn't make sense, at least to me it doesn't.
look at it this way:
You've got a new job, you've been working there for a few weeks(months) and its great so far and you see yourself settling in(key word)...why would you look for another job at that particular point in time? lol
ok, not one of the best metaphors I've used...its not hitting the point hard as i would like it to.
Personally, i see this is an indication of not knowing what you're looking for, or what you want(to be blunt). This is not my overall view, I'm going by the scenario that's been given. If he knows you're seeing someone else, go for it! if you're purposely hiding it from him, there're no excuses here, you are cheating.
If personally you feel its strange not to mention you're seeing someone else, then you know within yourself you are cheating. If you don't think its odd, there's a chance that you're not.
Another test: Reverse the roles.
How would you feel if you found out you're one of two girls he's dating, again, given the above scenario?
Just ask a boxer how a punch to the liver feels...its excrutiating. You'll feel this pain emotionally. Playing poker with someone's emotions is pure evil. Its a very selfish thing to do and is on my top 10 list of evil deeds.
Come clean and propose the idea if you feel there's pressure to continue looking, at least then you'll have piece of mind knowing that if you end up with someone else, he will understand if he's a reasonable guy. If he doesn't, then he's the one with a problem, not you.
Someone might argue that its not cheating coz you're not quite commited yet:..cut the crap lol
A test to see if you're not quite commited:
If you saw him on a date having laughs with another girl you had no clue about, would you be disappointed? hurt? maybe a tear or two? be honest with yourself when you answer.. if the answer is no, then you're not cheating..lol
Posted by: shakeydosh at August 25, 2009 1:02 AM
oh yes - cos we get horny, or whatever, and we tell ourselves this is real and it will work this time, whatever, and make ourselves fall in lurve to justify this intimacy. And we really believe that we can do this, that it's only sex, but it's not only anything.
and then of course we become too vulnerable, expectations start, it all gets yukky, and we realise we've let ourselves down, again. even at this age.
because the real person emerges, and we each realise that there's nothing there, except sex and a cuddle.
and this compatibility in the bedroom - with depth of feeling and goodwill and respect - I think there's always going to be compatibility. and it's only one part of a relationship anyway.
We teach our daughters this - why don't we get it??
I don't like rules, don't have any hard and fast - maybe it's time I did? :)
ah well - ya gotta laugh. all of life's grand tapestry or something?
Posted by: russianballerina at August 23, 2009 10:04 AM
Oh there was a time I made the mistake, where guys would say 'its better to find out now if we arent compatible in the bedroom' or 'the chemistry is there and we both know this has potential' and any other wordy words to end up there.
You know what I learned................when you get intimate early in the piece its all you think about, its all you do, its all you talk about with them.........and you end up three months down the track, you realise you are only getting in touch once a week for a booty call and you dont know anything about them and havent bothered to find out, as they havent about you.
So I point blank refuse now, no matter how yummy tempting and difficult it is, no matter how wordy word the other is, I stick to my guns......open forum, open dating, he needs to date others, Ineed to date others and no intimacy for 3 months.................then if there is a great guy, he stands out and in all likelyhood, it isnt him
Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 18, 2009 4:56 AM
I am with on that issue onemore, i could not have said that any better...
Posted by: luciemanette at August 17, 2009 6:33 PM
My attitude is, my body is the vessel that holds my very being (how high and mighty did that sound). I am not religious, but I do respect my body and my soul.
I want to know whether I genuinely do like the person and that they like me before any intimacy. That does take months, hence my 3 month rule, after 3 months, I will know if I have found the man I want to call my boyfriend and he has found the girl he wants to call his girlfriend and be in a relationship.............or if you just have found a fairly good friend.
Much better than complicating things with early intimacy and all the drama that happens when it doesnt pan out and too much has been given of yourself.
Marriage, no, but I only want to be intimate with the person who is my partner, not with someone who could end up becoming a totally different person next week to the guy I thought he was, which happens...........people often want to be what you want so much, then afterward start being their real selves, which isnt whaat you bought in to.
Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 17, 2009 3:17 PM
Woodnwine
Yes i am from the old scool, but also being realistic, i know things have changed But i also do think that people back then showed more respect to one another, than these days. What i said before was merely given and example....
Before i jump into bed with anybody, would be convinced that we are compatible in every other shape, form and description.....and one can not be sure of that on the first date or second or third......
Posted by: luciemanette at August 17, 2009 11:41 AM
Posted by: luciemanette at August 15, 2009 12:10 AM
You certainly must be from the old school. Good luck finding someone who just wants to hold hands until you get married (only to then perhaps find you're not compatable).
Posted by: woodnwine at August 17, 2009 7:20 AM
It seams like messages posted over the weekend especially friday night, dont sho in the blogs untill monday, i hate posting things and it goes missing or like u say Brisnut some message appears you not logged in the message is lost and you have to retype the whole thing, i dont particularly like to re do it damm annoying can tell you. As for sending and receiving kissess, nerve recking to say the least....who do you decide on a small photo and sometimes not even well written profile if you want contact with that person...communication to me is of the essence, we should stop being so damm picky and start talking,,,,,,got my vote.
Posted by: luciemanette at August 16, 2009 5:30 PM
Bob and OneMore, that makes perfect sense to me. If a potential partner doesn't want to take things slow and get to know the real you and you them, then something is very wrong. It does take time to get over initial nerves especially when you think that you are setting yourself up on a blind date and you only really know each other from your RSVP CV and a few emails or calls.
If you find your stand out person, others that you have been communicating with or seeing as a friend may just become a great friend. Nothing wrong with that.
Posted by: aloveoflife at August 15, 2009 2:21 PM
Hi onemoreoption
cant agree with you more, it seems like we think so much alike. who is actually writing this so called dating rule book? Or is people today so eager to jump into bed with anybody, first date, second, third? Surely there must be more to life and relationships that pure s$x What happened to falling in love staring in his or her eyes, holding hands for the first time i mean that used to be a BIG thing im my younger days,the first kiss, wowww then you nearly engaged,,oeps i must be getting old, that 3 letter word only happened when you got married, ahhh iam letting myself wide open for critisism on here. I must be from the old school...."mental note" i must try and see where i can pick up dating rule book" Will most book stores sell the latest addition? smileee, never mind smile iam laughing my a$$$ off..
Posted by: luciemanette at August 15, 2009 12:10 AM
With all this internet stuff, it's rather easy to get yourself into a multi-dating tangle if you're not carefull. A couple of times I've sent a Kiss off, got no reply , after a few days then sent another, then a few days late gt 2 replys back or Contact from another person. You end up having to make a choice on who to commit your efforts to, you may have a preference, but feel obliged to go with the first contact/reply. Which then can feel bad when you initiated contact and explain the situation, some people don't always take it well.
I hope this posts this time, I've logged in 3 times now and when I post it says I aren't logged in. I hate retyping my post again because I don't copy it first, I just expect more reliability in something as simple as a blog.
Posted by: brisnut at August 14, 2009 5:35 PM
Clarky...........no noticing someone else does not mean there is something missing from the initial partner, in my view anyway.
How many times have we felt really attracted to someone, only to get to know them and the chemistry fizzles in weeks. The in reverse, how many times have we met someone we have virtually no chemistry with and after a couple of weeks found them really attractive? Everyone has had this, so early days are just that, early days.......all doors are still open.
If you notice someone else and date them, also whilst dating other person.............and one stands out above the other in a couple of months, then fabulous, if not, at least you havent spent a month or two focussed on one person who hadnt earned it, deserve it etc.........gosh that sounds hard, but you know what I mean :-)
Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 13, 2009 4:03 AM
Bob, too true.
I am the girl when I first meet a guy I grin like a complete psychopath from ear to ear constantly, I giggle like a bimbo and usually fall over whatever I can at any opportunity, I am clumsy, if I could dribble my food I would....I am totally useless on the first few dates :-)
Then I become myself, who is still a bit goofy, but certainly not the above..........I honestly cant help it though, thats why I am a hopeless case on these kinds of sites too.
Oh and on topic........I believe you should date as many people as possible, so one stands out genuinely.........none of this trying to make one person fit.............I think its important to have all the options, so the right option is obvious and real......not forced.
For me, my rule book says.........No physical intimacy for 3 months, get to know me, dont make me the centre of your world, dont contact me every day, once a week is fine, hang out maybe once a week, once a fortnight during that three months, do the same with others as I will with others and if one stands out.......then he does so for the right reasons.....sure beats wasting time on one person who you never really get to know, then move onto the next etc etc
Posted by: onemoreoption37 at August 12, 2009 8:56 PM
Hey guys,
What these sites do is create an environment for people who may never otherwise meet, to meet...which is brilliant. The problem is, through email, texting and phone calls, we built up images and expectations about a person before we meet them....we think we know them, but dont really.
I look at me, for instance, and recognise that I am not the kind of guy that is going to blow your mind at a first, second or third date...thats not who I am. I, and many guys like me, are what I call fungus...we grow on you over time, if you are prepared to get to know us. I'm not sure guys like me are particularly suite to these sites for that reason.
Meeting the old fashioned way has its advantages for us....you tend to spend time with people you meet out there in the real world because you haven't had any emotional investment with them before you meet...you are more prepared to meet up again and again if you start to like them....but its still fairly casual and relaxed.
To me, you have never met the real person until you meet them face to face; and sometimes not until you have known them for a little while and they dont put on pretences anymore. We can all pretend to be someone or something that we aren't for a while; but not for too long if we are meeting with an agenda other than being genuine. Those that dont get what they seek will move on pretty quickly; the genuine ones will stick around to get to know you better.
Bob
Posted by: notafigjam at August 12, 2009 5:22 PM
Hopefully you've both talked about where you stand..ie: do i like you enough to stop ALL dating sites and see how it works out? if the answer is yes then great..if the answer is no from either party then keeping it casual or looking elsewhere are your options. Dont you think internet dating creates an environment where you can date, look, 'kiss', sleep with and chase different people all at the same time without anyone knowing?? and the strange thing is...it seems to be OK! Give me old fashioned dating anytime.
Posted by: misshugsalot at August 12, 2009 1:25 PM
I think there comes a time when you know whether its the right thing to do. If the partner makes it obvious that they want to be exclusive then you either have to end it or be exclusive. Anything else is not treating them with respect.
Does the fact that you've noticed someone else mean that there is something missing from the inital partner?
Posted by: clarky77 at August 11, 2009 10:22 PM
Hey Margarida,
No No No it's not cheating to be dating more than one guy at a time - that's what dating is supposed to be all about - so long as you're honest, and, i think, not at the stage of sexual intimacy, why not keep the field open? I have learned this the hard way, no pun intended.
Mary
Posted by: aishling at August 5, 2009 7:16 PM
Timewarp you've given me hope...
The one thing that caught my eye in your post was the '200 previous dates'.. I know that was tongue in cheek but for moi I think it'll be close to the mark.
I personally think date whomever until you're in a committed relationship, however, be completely up front and honest about it all. :)
PS FOr those have trouble with posting I find if you preview first, then post it works perfectly :)
Posted by: maybeperfect4u at July 8, 2009 10:48 AM
Hi All,
I actually think that most of the time we give credit where its not due....things like Shawshank and moonlit walks....more like monkey see, monkey do. People read other profiles, see what seems popular to the opposite sex, then bingo!!! in it goes.
I know this might seem cynical, but if you haven't developed a solid streak of that through experiences you read through these blogs, then you are living in a fantasy about people and their intentions.
bob
Posted by: notafigjam at June 23, 2009 9:46 PM
LOL Jaminperth I didnt take much notice of that movie code thing. Just meant I would have a little chuckle when ever I see it on a profile.
High heels long dress wine and a moving boat. Had to happen to someone was just a little bad luck at the time that it was you. Hope your rescure was cute thou LOL.
Mmmm a guy that shows interest in you would be great give'n time. Luv a guy that show's a bit of effort. Its some times hard for some guys to be romantic. Romance its Dead Yet Is It. I hope not just hard to find.
Posted by: ru4real1 at June 22, 2009 4:12 PM
4real, I wouldn't take much notice of the Shawshank Redemption thing as I think most of the guys who have written this are genuine and just are trying to be a little knowledgeable and show off. I don't think it has any code meaning at all. I suppose it depends on the age group, as a lot of older men have seen the film. I think it is just another stereotypical answer like walking on the beach with the red wine nonsense. Firstly, how are you going to walk with red wine, secondly it is illegal to drink in a public place. They just think it sounds romantic and probably did once in the 'Gone with the wind' days but nowadays it just sounds utterly ridiculous. I think that some guys just are trying to try to prove they have a romantic side and just don't know what else to write. And give them 10 out of 10 for making the effort and thinking about such things, it's great. Personally give me a guy who is interested in what other people are doing, including me and the world around them, now that's attractive and then I can be interested in them and the world around us!!!!!
Posted by: iaminperth at June 22, 2009 10:53 AM
Gday All hope your all doing well!!!!!!!!
its been a while since I have been in the blogs. So bear with me LOl. If you'll pardon me I had a good laugh at some of this miss haps mentioned. Dont mean to laugh at others miss haps, but you cracked me up. Was in need of a laugh so Tks for that.
Tw am so glade to hear that your Lady friend has turned out to be all you expected and more am so Happy for you Hun.
Your so right Sweetmixture it dose give us reason to hope. Tks for the tip on copy paste in here, very usefull tip. Am also glade you started to try sending kisses to a few people. So have I with not much success I might add. But nothing ventured nothing gained right.
Ummmmm Shawshank Redemption code word for casual sex LOL. Dam it now am going to think about that every time I might happen to see that on someones profile LOL.
Jaminperth your outtings on the boat with wine and cheese sound's like fun. Btw holding onto that glass is just pure Class well done. If it was me I might have dropped it from the fright of falling off the boat.
Whatuc09 & Bob Truely I think in the begining to some degree we are all plan B till they give you a chance to get to know them. Then if the chemistry is right hopefully you become plan A. Well thats my hope anyway. No expectations is still the way to go I say just enjoy the company go with the flow. Gee's I have writen a Mills & Boon. Better end it there. Take Care All and good Luck,
Posted by: ru4real1 at June 22, 2009 12:25 AM
Posted by: timewarp1 at June 9, 2009 12:06 AM
Just wanted to say that reading timewarp's post filled me with much encouragement. I think it is fantastic that he is filling his life with so much and that also he seems to have found a very special lady to share his time with. I really hope that he finds everything he is looking for with this wonderful woman.
I guess one never knows what is just around the corner or even further along the road..
Sweetmixture
Posted by: sweetmixture at June 19, 2009 7:31 PM
Posted by: iaminperth at June 11, 2009 7:09 PM
A very funny story Perth. At least you had your priorities right, hanging on to that glass!
Posted by: amberlight58 at June 13, 2009 9:39 AM
Perth, what class and what a way to go. I love Sydney and the harbour, and just a mere 1 hour flight from home, do it frequently for a mini break - the weekend that is, not falling in the harbour - glad you held onto your glass though - what a woman!!! Nik
Posted by: aloveoflife at June 12, 2009 8:46 PM
Perth, its our secret :)
Posted by: willow29 at June 11, 2009 11:49 PM
Hey Willow, My rescue boat was the police vessel 'Fearless'. They had a big net on the back and there I was, long dress, very high strappy heels and still clutching the glass. Gosh, talk about up yourself ! I still go sailing, or rather motor boating but all we do is motor into the middle of the river and then we tie all the boats together and share food and wine. Crawl back to the yacht club about midnight and stagger up the road giggling and laughing back home, lol !! Don't tell anyone though will you.
Posted by: iaminperth at June 11, 2009 7:09 PM
Hi Perthy,
Not putting myself down...being honest and laughing at myself!!
bob
Posted by: notafigjam at June 11, 2009 6:38 PM
LOL, Perth, sorry but that is so funny! And in times of stress, its good to look your best, especially if the media is involved, hehe.
My little brother regularly fishes people out of Sydney harbour (he 'breaks in" navy rescue boats) so you're not alone.
Posted by: willow29 at June 11, 2009 3:57 PM
Bob, Stop putting yourself down, you sound like a nice easygoing bloke with a good sense of humour and able to laugh at yourself. Everyone has fallen over, under, up and down in their lives. Whether you get up and dust yourself off and have a laugh is the true test. I danced right off the end of a boat in Sydney Harbour with a champagne glass in hand and a long formal evening gown on. I was picked out of the water by the police boat 'Fearless' and was photographed by all and sundry. The dress was long and tight with a long split to the thigh, thank goodness I only weighed 50kgs in those days!!! and also thank goodness for waterproof mascara. How's that for vanity, not worried about being eaten by sharks or chewed by a boat propellor, more worried about whether my butt looked bit and whether the mascara would run - oh youth is so wasted on the young !
Posted by: iaminperth at June 11, 2009 12:30 PM
I don't think you should be dating a whole load of people two months down the track unless you are just meeting as friends to catch up now and then. I have a couple of exes I catch up with now and then for a drink after work and we have a laugh. It's not a date, it's just friends catching up and I'm free to do as I wish. If I were in a relationship I would mention it and probably take them along as well for a drink if they wanted to come. It's just friends catching up.
Posted by: iaminperth at June 11, 2009 12:26 PM
Hi Bob (notafigjam),
lol, the signal doesn't need to be a belt over the head with a waffle iron ; p , that's my point - if the other party is cool with you to continue dating others (say more than 2 months down the track) - then it's safe to assume that you're plan B. This is just my way of sorting the players and strayers from stayers and keepers : )
Posted by: whatuc09 at June 11, 2009 11:43 AM
Hi whatuc09,
Great insight, and probably so true, if you are smart enough to pick up on the little signals that sometimes get sent.
I would have no idea if I am Plan A...dont pick up those little body language signals when aimed at me. I am more your "belt me over the head" type.
Bob
Posted by: notafigjam at June 10, 2009 6:52 PM
On topic...I think that it is all very well saying to date as many as you like all at the one time...not literally as that could become awkward...but I have yet to meet a man who wants to share without becoming sulky and skulky and removing himself from your dance card...at my age I no longer have the energy anyways...
Posted by: istj54 at June 9, 2009 5:53 PM
Well done, TW...I admire your fortitude and it has paid off handsomely for you...in your lovelife and your business life...great stuff...so to speak:))
Posted by: istj54 at June 9, 2009 5:49 PM
*NEWBIE ALERT*. Until the day arrives where you're both agreeing that you're in or want to be in a 'committed' relationship with each other-then dating others shouldn't be an issue. My take on it is like this: - 'for all I know the guy I'm dating, sees me as his plan B, so why should I tie myself up or down to someone who doesn't see me as plan A'. Of course once the agreement to be committed HAS been reached-then dating others is OUT, you either get yo ass off the dating websites or at the VERY VERY least, change your status to 'in a relationship looking for friendship only'.
Posted by: whatuc09 at June 9, 2009 2:52 PM
"Is it cheating if I date more than one person at a time? No..but it is if HE does..hehe" Posted by: naturalwoman08 at June 1, 2009 10:58 PM
I loved it! Glad to see you back, and still featuring your white VV.
Hi "G" What's this stuff about "was"? I reckon you're definitely still hot.
cheekiblonde at June 8, 2009 4:25 PM: You have put it so well, even better than SydneyBob did, just before. Goodonyezboth.
Just back tonight from 2 days/ 2 nights at Lismore with my new ladylove. After 7 weeks the romance is blossoming apace. I've found that she is even better than what I described 3 years ago in my RSVP profile as my inyerdreams ultimate fantasy. How lucky can an old bloke get?
She made my previous 200 first dates well worth while, because from them I know that her match can't be found any closer to Brisvegas. And that makes my 400km round trip every second weekend seem a lot shorter. And the best bit - she chose me from my profile. I wasn't looking so far away. Met 2 of her 5 daughters today.
Big fortnight ahead for me, installing my products in faraway places. In Ayr all Wed and Thurs for a goods lift, Sydney from midday Friday to midday Sunday to hang a 200kg chandelier hoist 33 metres up off a tall scaffold, then back to Ayr a couple of days later for a coupla days.
That weekend I'll be back with Herself, and then on the way home, install a Vet's operating theatre drugged-horse hoist at the Gold Coast. Reckon by the end of that I'll be feeling all my 73 years. Seeyezall 'ron.
Posted by: timewarp1 at June 9, 2009 12:06 AM
Hi All, I totally agree that it is ok to see as many people as you wish, as long as there is total openness, and honesty. If you are completely upfront with everyone involved. If you decide to be in an exclusive relationship, then be open and honest and give everyone the opportunity to make their own desision whether they can still be freinds or if they would prefer to move on. And then in respect of your new exclusive partner, they also need to be aware of which friends have decided that they wish to still be friends, and this gives more trust , honesty , and respect to your new relationship.
Posted by: cheekiblonde at June 8, 2009 4:25 PM
Hi All,
To me dating is about enjoying the company of women without there being any form of commitment t either party. Once you have decided that someone is that person to whom you want to offer exclusivity; thats the time to be exclusive. If you have made some other friends along the way, you dont ditch them, but they certainly need to know that you have decided to go exclusive with someone else as a potential partner. You then let them decide if a friendship is what they want with you....some will, some wont.
Bob
Posted by: notafigjam at June 7, 2009 3:12 PM
I agree whole heartedly with TreatMeGentlyPlease in respect with being up front with all parties involved, at least your not wasting each others time and give the other parties the opportunity to decide if they like the idea of you seeing different potential matches. And potential is the key word here. Would you meet to be friends first before going on a date? I do how ever think if you begin "dating", then you should let other potential matches know and just be friends with them. The main thing is to not deceit and hurt others as we would hate the same being done to us.
John
Posted by: hobo77 at June 6, 2009 7:08 PM
I agree whole heartedly with TreatMeGentlyPlease in respect with being up front with all parties involved, at least your not wasting each others time and give the other parties the opportunity to decide if they like the idea of you seeing different potential matches. And potential is the key word here. Would you meet to be friends first before going on a date? I do how ever think if you begin "dating", then you should let other potential matches now and just be friends with them. The main think is to not deceit and hurt others.
John
Posted by: hobo77 at June 6, 2009 7:06 PM
Hi There Guys, I think the having more than 1 date is not cheating if you have told all the parties involved that you are doing this. I think it would be different if you were having sex with 1 or more of the "dates"!! Be up front and then no-one will get hurt - hopefully. BTW I love The Shawshank Redemption as the book and as the movie. How could this be code for casual sex ,maybe the movie Striptease would be a better one lol
cheers treatmegentlyplease
Posted by: treatmegentlyplease at June 6, 2009 1:55 PM
Hi SM,
Are you serious...if you dont drink, life has been much too easy on you and you haven't worked for arseholes!! I just dont get hangovers, not matter how much I drink
Last time I was sick drinking was when I was 18 and I drank 2 bottles of Bailey's with milk (that was the drink of the day then)....damn milk will make you sick every time.
Hi G,
You know, you walking into a door comes as absolutely no surprise whatsoever; wish I had been there though to see it!! Anyway, you're not doing too bad for an old chook...says the old fart!!
Bob
Posted by: notafigjam at June 6, 2009 9:40 AM
Feelgood,
No mate, she got married a few years back and moved away...but believe me, she would have you for dinner...and that is not demeaning you in any way
Bob
Posted by: notafigjam at June 5, 2009 10:48 PM
Hope all ends up well with your Aunt SweetM.. "G"
Posted by: amdoingit at June 5, 2009 10:30 PM
When I was still a young hottie (Yes, I was each of those once) Iwas so busy oggling a spunky hunk'o'man that had just walked past me while exiting a store that I missed the automatic glass door and walked into the glass wall instead. I saw stars, had a massive headache and sported an 'egg' on my forehead to remind me.. Not sure who saw me do it as was too busy holding my head and trying to walk straight. Nearly knocked myself out.. Silly wench I was....But he was so hot.. "G"
Posted by: amdoingit at June 5, 2009 10:25 PM
Posted by: virgowoman2 at June 5, 2009 12:02 PM
Smiles at Virgowoman2, couldn't stay away! So do some of you actually get together and chat, I mean some of the ladies in here? Lol! The RSVP winsome womens' group or the "fantastic fillies" group, perhaps the "glamorous girls" group..smiles
Ty Bob for your advice about flu. As you would read, the southern comfort I imbibed did cheer me and pick me up remarkably well. Aghhhhhhhhhh feel great now!! So you don't partake of the good drop then??
Took me 8 tries to put my post into "cooking for two" earlier lol Glad I always cut and paste!
Posted by: sweetmixture at June 5, 2009 10:09 PM
hey bob
not still friends with her are ya??
I like em wild....:)
Posted by: feelgood76 at June 5, 2009 9:36 PM
Hi All,
I used to get that sign-in message all of the time, but since I rejoined RSVP everything has been fine....famous last words!!
SM,
The key to beating the flu is to drink yourself stupid....you wont get rid of the flu...but you will forget about it...I'm told the hangover afterwards also takes your mind off it (never had one..a hangover that is, so am accepting others word for that)!!
Bob
Posted by: notafigjam at June 5, 2009 6:10 PM
Hi Sweet,
It's so good to see you back...I've missed you...and so have others that I talk to...I hope your Aunt is comfortable...and I hope you enjoy your long weekend...Cheers..!!
Virgo...:)
Posted by: virgowoman2 at June 5, 2009 12:02 PM
Posted by: virgowoman2 at May 31, 2009 11:42 PM
I was touched by your comment virgowoman2 and I looked that song up on youtube and absolutely cried my eyes out lol I am such a sookie baby..rolls my eyes!!
"aloveoflife" mumble mumble, grumble grumble..dont worry I will be here making comments from time to time. Thanks again for making me feel welcome..I did have a reaction to my flu shot but a few southern comforts and cokes helped warm me up after feeling chilled to the bone plus I never had a hangover next day which was amazing lol!
Quote:
PS How come, after I don't know how long, it still takes several attempts to get past the "Content Submission Error - You are not signed in" error message on here and post?
Posted by: missrule at June 1, 2009 4:41 PM
hey "missrule" this happens constantly to me when I am posting a message. I have signed in and get the box saying I can type my post and then I go to post it and am given that message about not being signed in. Sometimes it takes me 3 or 4 goes so there is a flaw in the sytem somewhere but I always copy my message and then paste it back into box so I don't lose everything I have typed..smiles There is always a lesson to be learned from everything hehehehe!
Posted by: jenniferhi at June 1, 2009 7:30 AM
Oh Jennifer, Ummmmm yes I have actually sent out 3 kisses but I think two of them were more encouraging ones so the guys probably didnt know I was interested lol! Well it is a start..dont roll your eyes lol! The other one I didnt think would reply but a few days later did so, it was a "thought I would be brave one" that I sent so yes I am beginning to ummm come out of my shell a little. Do so appreciate the encouraging comments from all you good people though, smiles.
Well have not been in rsvp lately as worried about a very dear favourite aunt who it looks like has had a stroke and has been hospitalised for further tests so am keeping in touch with her and may travel down to see her on Sunday. She is a few hours away. She took me under her wing when my husband died and introduced me to some Southern Comfort lol!! (she lives down south too!) Have never looked back since hehehehe..she is a great woman in all sincerity though and seems very bright at the moment (talked to her on phone this morning) so am hoping for a good prognosis.
Looks like the "shawshank redemption" movie and it's connotations has taken over the blog since I was here last LOL!
Well better stop here or I will write a book, take care guys.
Posted by: sweetmixture at June 5, 2009 10:49 AM
Woody,
Yeah....lucky me huh!!
We actually became very close friends, but I was more like the big brother she never had....god she was a wild one though.
All three of us were out one night and sitting in a pub...S (picture a 5'8" Mariah Carey lookalike, including the legs) disappears, I turn around and there she is; standing outside with her skirt up around her waist mooning the guys at the window (yeah, she was drunk)!! I had to chase her up the road and make her pull her dress back down.
Bob
Posted by: notafigjam at June 4, 2009 7:35 PM
Thats hilarious Bob :-)
Posted by: jasef1974 at June 4, 2009 5:38 PM
At least she noticed you Bob.
Posted by: woodnwine at June 4, 2009 12:06 PM
Hi ALOL,
I have actually been caught out doing it (walking into a signpost). Years ago there was a really glamorous young woman that caught my train to work in the morning...a real head-turner. I was looking at her and walked straight into a signpost.
A couple of weeks later I was out with a mate, and he introduced me to 2 girls he worked with...the girl who is now my very best friend; and this same girl I was perving at and walked into the post!! Being the cool, together guy I was, I smiled and said hello, and introduced myself...this girl looks into my eyes and say "I know you, you're the guy that walked into the post perving at me at Leumeah station"!!!
BUSTED!!
Bob
Posted by: notafigjam at June 4, 2009 12:18 AM
NW - loved it!! I'll pay on that one.
Bob - I'm sure there are lots of females out there who do similar, we just don't tell you!! You're too honest my friend, gottaluvya!!
Sweetmixture where are you, hopefully not with the flu after your shot - be well and come back I miss you (smiles)
N
Posted by: aloveoflife at June 3, 2009 10:15 PM
Posted by: notafigjam at June 3, 2009 7:04 PM
hehe..glad you got the irony (and humour)...i like that..
cheers :) nw
Posted by: naturalwoman08 at June 3, 2009 7:43 PM
Natueralwoman,
How very, very true....and hilarious
Aloveoflife,
The sad fact is that we poor guys aren't really that hard to outsmart..you dont see too many women walk into trees looking at men...or do you??
Bob
Posted by: notafigjam at June 3, 2009 7:04 PM
I wonder how many just added it!!
Posted by: willow29 at June 2, 2009 6:09 PM
Jen, there's three profiles that play on the George Clooney name, however, big sigh, there is only the one real one..... no Bob, no fooling us gals, we've wised up to you lot I'm sure!
Posted by: aloveoflife at June 2, 2009 5:50 PM
But Shawshank Redemption IS!!! one of my favourite movies, as is most of Stephen King's books/ movies. Guess I'm glad that it doesn't mean "interest in gay sex' being a prison movie, now THAT would be awkward...wait...IT DOESNT"T DOES IT????
Posted by: peekabooyou at June 2, 2009 5:41 PM
Emphasised it hey Woody/ Well there you go then. lol.
Jen
Posted by: jenniferhi at June 2, 2009 5:04 PM
glad i removed that movies from my favs list. wouldnt want it to be misconstrued
Posted by: unknownauthor at June 2, 2009 4:37 PM
I wonder if everyone who has Shawshank listed knows it's supposed to mean interested in casual sex. That could be embarrasing/awkward.
Posted by: woodnwine at June 2, 2009 2:55 PM
Well - there it was listed in the movies of some of the women I'd put in my "favourites". Shawshank Redemption. One even emphasised it!
Posted by: woodnwine at June 2, 2009 2:52 PM
Hey, there's also a profile with a similar name to George Clooney. That profile is current so I'll let you ladies do your own search if you're interested. lol.
Funny - my favourite celebrity/singer is Paul Young and amazingly there was a profile in Melbourne in my age bracket who looked so like him it was uncanny. Anyway I put him in my favourites and he has remained there ever since. I never did get to make contact because the profile became in-active. I even at the time showed him to a girlfriend of mine (Paul's second major fan after me in Australia) and she agreed the similarity was remarkable too.
Can't delete him though because his pic still comes up, so I am quite happy to leave him sitting in my favourites. You just never know... maybe he will re-activate his profile one day. And until then I get to have a look every so often. (hehe)
Jen
Posted by: jenniferhi at June 2, 2009 7:04 AM
Is it cheating if I date more than one person at a time?
No..but it is if HE does..hehe
Posted by: naturalwoman08 at June 1, 2009 10:58 PM
Hi Yellowbrickroad.
Maybe it is pathetic, or then again maybe it is a way of being honest. If it's well known, then I guess people "get it" and its implication.
I don't know how it all started either, but it has been fairly well known for quite a long time. Maybe it even started outside of rsvp on other dating sites around the world. Who knows.
I had a look and there is actually a profile for someone with the name "Shawshankredemption" He is quite vocal about his sexual request of a woman. Maybe it started from that profile. Who knows. But the profile has been inactive for a number of years.
Jen
Posted by: jenniferhi at June 1, 2009 10:42 PM
Hey Aloveoflife,
Apparently my cunning plan of naming myself George Clooney didn't fool you one bit...I'm guessing Shawshank Redemption will get me lots of contacts from guys looking for casual sex...knowing my luck!!
Bob
Posted by: notafigjam at June 1, 2009 10:40 PM
So my friend just told me about Shawshank Redemption. I've never seen the movie so I dont know what the correlation between the movie and casual sex is but I'd be interested to know how it all came about???
Apart from that I think its pretty pathetic and deceitful to be putting stupid codes in.
Posted by: yellowbrickr0ad at June 1, 2009 8:53 PM
So Bob are you now Shawshank Redemption and George Clooney - lol
Posted by: aloveoflife at June 1, 2009 8:20 PM
Hi All,
I'm totally embarrassed to drop in on your converstation so late in the piece.... I had noticed the amazing co-incidence that so many guys like the Shawshank Redemption, and stupidly just thought that they all had good taste in movies!!! Are there any other code words that one as naive as me should know about?
Posted by: makemesmile77 at June 1, 2009 6:45 PM
He He He He,
Always thought it was a bit weird that the same sort of people who adore Twilight would also be fans of Shawshank, makes so much more sense now.
Posted by: tanstaafl29 at June 1, 2009 6:03 PM
Hi Jase,
Thankyou for your lovely comment. I have met some wonderful people via this site. And many of the bloggers.
Good luck to you too.
I don't know how it became code on the site. Was before my time here.
I think "Two and a half men" is great comedy too. And yes very cleverly written. I have an issue with its time slot though. I think it should be on much later. We have discussed that issue before too.
I think the content is too adult for a 7pm slot.
Onestepcloser - Good for you. I hope that someone grabs your eye then.
Woody - Very funny!
Jen
Posted by: jenniferhi at June 1, 2009 5:44 PM
Hi All,
I am changing my handle to Shawshank Redemption....along with every other guy reading these blogs....but now all the girls know too; so that sucks!!
I love this place, you meet all kinds and, if you take everything in your stride, you can actually have a good time with anyone.
Bob
Posted by: notafigjam at June 1, 2009 5:38 PM
By the way Jen, I really like your profile and hope you find that special someone :-)
Jase.
Posted by: jasef1974 at June 1, 2009 5:06 PM
C'mon Jen, time to confess you're kidding. You certainly had everyone going there, but!
I can't speak for women as I don't search female profiles, but the self-descriptions of "sensual" and "tactile" are as subtle as most blokes get who are chasing sex on RSVP. As far as I'm aware, putting Shawshank as a favourite movie is no more than an indicator of a cliche'd mind. That's what the "I Hate RSVP" group on Facebook says, anyway ... not that I belong to it, I hasten to add :)
PS How come, after I don't know how long, it still takes several attempts to get past the "Content Submission Error - You are not signed in" error message on here and post?
Posted by: missrule at June 1, 2009 4:41 PM
This is all very funny :-)
How the hell did 'Shawshank Redemption' become code for 'casual sex'?
To Jen: I appreciate the dark humour and irony in 'Two and a half men' - two brothers living together who are polar opposites. One desperately wants a life partner, the other one is afraid of commitment. It's really a show about relationships (both family and marriage/sexual). The comedy is very well written - great acting as well.
We could be childish and make 'Two and a half men' the new code - lol.
Jase.
Posted by: jasef1974 at June 1, 2009 4:16 PM
Posted by: jenniferhi at June 1, 2009 2:01 PM
Jen, thanks for mentioning to RSVP-world how cool i am ..have had 6 kisses this afternoon ;)
Posted by: onestepcloser67 at June 1, 2009 4:16 PM
Now I'll have to check if I'm in touch with anyone who list Shawshank as their favourite movie.
Posted by: woodnwine at June 1, 2009 2:42 PM
Surely the attraction or non attraction stems from correspondence and calls after making the initial contact so whether a person realises there is 'code' written or some such rubbish is irrelevant. I think casual conversations on the phone sort people out pretty quickly and you then decide if you wish to meet. If someone is using some immature stupid ;'code;' on their profile then I would suggest the conversation would likely be pretty much along those lines also. This is school yard stuff I think and I would think getting real is more appropriate on a site like this.
Posted by: iaminperth at June 1, 2009 2:33 PM
Onestepcloser - I know it's crazy, but I think if you read a lot of profiles there is a more than high co-incidence in the number of times the movie is mentioned.
I believe the word has spread because there really is a lot of people who read the blogs who do not contribute to them. Which is fine of course. In a way it's a subtle way for people to share their ideals.
Also of course there are lots of people who list the movie simply because they like it. But tell you what I bet any women that have the movie listed get hit-on all the time. lol.
Star Trek is cool. (At least to my knowledge - LMAO)
Jen
Posted by: jenniferhi at June 1, 2009 2:01 PM
Jen...I did not know that about Shawshank and i have been on and off here for a few years..my profile says i liked the latest Star Trek movie..is that safe?? ;)
Cracked me up actually... Bob your comment made me smile too "I think I am going to cry now!!"
Lisa.
Posted by: onestepcloser67 at June 1, 2009 9:34 AM
Perth I agree. I loved the movie.
Amdoingit - I did the same thing and was "told" in no uncertain terms!! I think we should have an "anti-code" campaign. How, after all, are newcomers supposed to know?
Posted by: willow29 at June 1, 2009 9:01 AM
Hey Jase - Just noticed your favourite show is "Two and a half men". Lol. Now we all know what Charlie's favourite pastime is. (hehe)
Actually when you think about it, that show should actually be the code instead of Shawshank. LMAO.
Jen
Posted by: jenniferhi at June 1, 2009 7:42 AM
Hi Jase.
Nah, it's not really that complicated. It's lots of fun.
Hope you continue to read and contribute to the blogs.
Good luck on your search.
Jen
Posted by: jenniferhi at June 1, 2009 7:34 AM
Sweetmixture - I think you are doing fine also. It does take a while to get into this whole new phase of life.
Lots of men are apprehensive also, so I do hope you are sending out some kisses too. It something resonates within a profile you at least have to try.
If you are comfortable with the email contact for awhile, do that as you get to know each other more. Or else the chat system is fantastic if both can type. I always find conversations flow so wonderfully on chat. Then of course phone and meet.
I enjoy your comments on the blogs too, so please keep writing and enjoying them.
Jen
Posted by: jenniferhi at June 1, 2009 7:30 AM
Oh Bob and G. I did think you two would know about that. lol. Has come up on the blogs so many times.
To the lovely one in Perth - thankyou for the usual lovely comment you always like to make to me. Hope you are enjoying life. I certainly am.
Have a great week everyone.
Jen
Posted by: jenniferhi at June 1, 2009 7:04 AM
To Jen: The Shawshank Redemption really is my favourite movie - I had no idea about the code - lol. And here's everyone on RSVP thinking I'm trying to be some sort of player.
I will update my profile. Geez, this dating thing really is complicated :-)
Thanks Jen.
Jase.
Posted by: jasef1974 at June 1, 2009 4:55 AM
JenniferHi, haven't seen the Shawshank Redemption, must be the only one, was curious as to why so many profiles had that as their favourite movie!! lol - sounds like you are enjoying yourself, only you can make the decision on when it is right for two people, enjoy! N.
Posted by: aloveoflife at June 1, 2009 12:34 AM
Sweet, I'm with Virgo, I enjoy your blogs and smiles, lol's and mumbles grumbles, you certainly make me smile - don't stop! N.
Posted by: aloveoflife at June 1, 2009 12:32 AM
Hi Sweet,
Just got in and read your post..you're doing fine, please don't let anyone take your confidence away, we all find it hard to get back out there...but you know what...I admire you...and if you want some inspiration, please listen to Bette Midler singing..You are the Wind Beneath My Wings.
Virgo...:)...xoxo
Posted by: virgowoman2 at May 31, 2009 11:42 PM
Jen, I had no idea that Shawshank was a code, etc. I can remember when I blogged ages ago and someone was banging on about the movie and how many people had it in their profile. Must've been around the time I stopped blogging coz I certainly heard no such thing. Bugger, I can remember doing a waffle at the time about how it was a great movie. God, talk about thick... I'll just go bury my head for a bit and come back tomorrow... Grrr.... "G"
Posted by: amdoingit at May 31, 2009 11:11 PM
So far as I am concerned Shawshank Redemption was an extremely good book, in fact a classic, and an equally good movie. To put connotations of some hidden code for sex is to me mind bogglingly ridiculous and immature. It's not all about sex people and trying to prove yourself, it's about getting to know the person, the real person and not hearing about a third date bonk by an overweight middle aged woman. yuk!!!! what a site that conjours up in the mind, again so mindless and immature.
Posted by: iaminperth at May 31, 2009 10:50 PM
Exactly SM, that's exactly what I am saying, just be yourself, don't worry about age or anything else that you can't change and you will meet someone nice. There are a lot of nice people on the site, just takes a little sorting out at times. If you don't meet a lifelong partner again, you will meet some nice people to be friends with and have a great night out with now and then. Just hang in there. If you are not ready to meet a new person at that time for any particular reason just say so, it's really not that hard.
Posted by: iaminperth at May 31, 2009 10:47 PM
Shawshank Redemption is a code! Thanks for the info. Anyone know of any other codes on rsvp we should know about?
Posted by: minimeee at May 31, 2009 10:43 PM
Hi Jen,
Shawshank Redemption is code for casual sex.....see, I told you I was as thick as 2 planks; I had no idea about that....and here I am knocking back all these contacts BECAUSE they like Shawshank Redemption.....I think I am going to cry now!!
Bob
Posted by: notafigjam at May 31, 2009 10:19 PM
Posted by: iaminperth at May 31, 2009 11:35 AM
Am always interested in others comments but was just wondering how long have you been on the RSVP scene "iaminperth"? I have a feeling you have had more time than myself to get used to the dating scene and all that accompanies it. As I am a newcomer to the dating game I think yes, I certainly do have some adjusting to do. Not quite sure why you felt I was putting imaginary obstacles in the way. If anything I am just feeling a little tentative and awkward about starting over again but I am giving it a go!. I know that I am not attacking this like a bull in a china shop but that is the Virgo in me I guess. I tend to analyse things but I have also always cared about the needs of other people tending to put my own needs last. My needs are definitely important also so I need to balance things out accordingly and make sure I don't get left behind in that department.
I am hoping that by reading the blogs I will pick up snippets of useful information and advice from people such as yourself and others but right now am feeling a little out of my depth and comfort zone.
Your inference of "twitter and flap" "iaminperth" reminds me of an excited chicken squawking all over the place. That really is not me, chuckles. Hmm, am just really getting into this blogs thing and trying to air my views, thoughts and feelings like everyone else.
"Ru4real1" thanks for relating your side of things regarding the RSVP planned events and you can keep me posted should you hear anymore.
Posted by: sweetmixture at May 31, 2009 10:11 PM
So that's what it means! thanks Jen :-)
Posted by: journey2407 at May 31, 2009 9:39 PM
Ummm Jasef you might like to change a little piece on your profile then. You mention Shawshank twice in your profile. That is pretty well known code amongst rsvpers of someone after casual sex. (Or did you really know that? hehe)
Jen
Posted by: jenniferhi at May 31, 2009 6:05 PM
No probs sweetmixture, glad you're feeling much better! Some good comments below, just be yourself that's all you can do and enjoy! Some lovely people on this blog and I also enjoy reading them. Bob, great comments to Chantelle.
Posted by: aloveoflife at May 31, 2009 4:21 PM
I think it's fine to date more than one person, as long as you are reasonably honest with everyone. Don't break too many hearts :-)
When you or the other person starts talking about a relationship, that's the time to make the choice to be committed to that person.
Also, my personal chioce is to only have one sexual partner. To me sex is something more than just physical - it's about affection and caring as well. I prefer to be in a relationship before heading down that path.
Posted by: jasef1974 at May 31, 2009 2:16 PM
Hi Chantelle,
Everyone has a different view, but mine is that its not cheating. Dating is dating, you are going out with any number of people to find out if any of them might have a real connection for you.
Let me say this too; just the fact that you are worried about it being seen as cheating in some way, says a lot about you. Obviously your moral DNA is kicking in there, so you are unlikely to be playing games with others emotions.
You are a lovely young woman, go out and enjoy your life; just be wary of those that dont care about you; so long as they get from you what they want.
Bob
Posted by: notafigjam at May 31, 2009 12:13 PM
Sweetmixture, Get over the age thing, just forget about it because the alternative is no good at all. Just keep fit as you can, as interested and interesting as you can and stop putting imaginary obstacles in your way. Don't twitter and flap, just get on with it and do what you want to do. If other people don't like it, tough, they're old enough to deal with it and it's their problem. Just always know that you are behaving in a way not to hurt or embarrass anyone else and be the best you can. What more could anyone ask for.
Posted by: iaminperth at May 31, 2009 11:35 AM
Is it cheating if I date more than one person at a time?
Is there any answers to this post if so where could I find them?
Posted by: chantelle33 at May 31, 2009 1:47 AM
"feelgood" I was just replying to what you said as per quote:
"Cheer up sweetmixture.. Look if i was up your way i'd take you out and show you how to live again. Don't let age worry you
You know they say...
"Age is like a good drop. The more mature the better it tastes..." get out there girl "
Never thought for a moment you were interested in me. I realise you were just being kind!
We mature people do write such interesting BLOGS and it's true, we have a wealth of experience between us all (wink wink!)
Thanks "Virgowoman1" am feeling much better after that reaction to my flu shot , smiles. Ummmm "loveoflife" thanks for your suggestion. Can we forget that now please? Lol
Posted by: sweetmixture at May 30, 2009 5:09 PM
Then again... I might have to change my thought pattern....wink..! hahaha
Posted by: feelgood76 at May 30, 2009 2:56 PM
Posted by: feelgood76 at May 30, 2009 1:02 PM
Hi Feelgood,
I have to agree with you. I have children in their teens and early 20s and am amazed sometimes at how similar some things are today to what they were in my early 20s.
A lot of the dating issues are the same; the uncertainity, the lack of self-confidence, young girls still thinking that they can make a boy like/love them if they have sex with him, the lacking of consideration for another person's feelings.
When it comes to human relationships, it is surprising really when one considers the social changes that have happened in the last few years, how vulnerable young people are to making the same mistakes that people made in my youth.
I guess despite some (?) advances in societal values, we STILL don't make learning about respect and respectful relationships a priority in our learning.
Maybe that (and just being human) is why people just keep making the same old mistakes as they did when I got married some 26 years ago!
Posted by: amberlight58 at May 30, 2009 1:45 PM
To answer your question sweet about young guys half your age.. Well i looked at your profile so i could see who i was talking to (not that i had any ideas about you...) sorry..hahaha. It's more of a courtesy thing. And i'm having more fun reading the older generations blogs than reading profiles at the moment. You guys and gals crack me up!! more so i like to hear what the more experience members have to say.
Not much has changed over 30 years.....!
Posted by: feelgood76 at May 30, 2009 1:02 PM
Posted by: sweetmixture at May 29, 2009 8:01 PM - Go on sweet, send a kiss!! Dare you. Flights are cheap at the moment - lol.
Posted by: sweetmixture at May 29, 2009 8:36 PM - I think someone already has said that some people check out the profile of people that are blogging, I've seen some familiar names looking at my profile.
Have a lovely weekend all, it's nice and sunny today in Brisbane but a bit cooler - time to get some homemade soups in the freezer. Also wish I had a lemon tree like iaminperth, bought ones are just not the same as home grown, note to self - buy a lemon tree!!
Posted by: aloveoflife at May 30, 2009 10:55 AM
Hi Sweet,
Maybe it's the Mrs. Robinson Syndrome...young man, older woman..!!..hope you're feeling better after your flu shot.
Virgo...:)
Posted by: virgowoman2 at May 30, 2009 9:34 AM
Posted by Unknown on 29th @ 4.02pm.. Pleasure sir.. Anytime.. That's what friends are for!!! Good luck with your 'challenge'... "G"
Posted by: amdoingit at May 29, 2009 11:36 PM
Not sure where to address this question now that "Question Time has gone" but am asking other ladies between 50 and 60.
Why do you think that young guys in their 20's etc look at our profiles?? Have had quite a few since I started on here in April and it never ceases to amaze me that a young guy would want to check my profile. What gives?? Maybe I should be asking the guys that!! Lol
Posted by: sweetmixture at May 29, 2009 8:36 PM
Hmm I had a peek at profile.. "Uknown Author " will make someone a good partner one day, lol Sorry.. blushes.. Wish was someone like that in Sydney..damn!! I liked what he said that's all.. Big mad rush for everyone to see the profile.. hehehehehe Actually I am his PR Manager and I have had 3 drinks and not used to drinking but have a temp from a reaction to my flu shot so thought a couple of drinks would help. That's it for now, not sa ying anymore oh except I am glad we cleared "Question Time" up. I thought I was turning into somse silly woman as I could not find it. Phew!!!!
Posted by: sweetmixture at May 29, 2009 8:01 PM
Posted by: virgowoman2 at May 29, 2009 8:47 AM
sorry no idea at all.
Posted by: amdoingit at May 29, 2009 12:26 AM just peaking "G" great meal the other day, thanks
Posted by: unknownauthor at May 29, 2009 4:02 PM
Keeps all your hope open, I'm the living proof -it gonna happen here, I met the "one" thru rsvp site, it takes me years of searching as well, it just in a right timing I supposed. If you closed the book, no one will ever find to read the contents of real you, so be patience, someday somehow the happiness will be yours. Just be realistic in your searching.
Posted by: mohegansun at May 29, 2009 11:36 AM
Hi Jen,
Thanks for letting me know, it was starting to annoy me that I couldn't find it...I know I'm blonde, but that excuse will only carry me so far....and thanks for your congrats...have a great day, and a nice weekend..!!
Virgo...:)
Posted by: virgowoman2 at May 29, 2009 10:07 AM
The Question time blog has closed.
If you want to see other blogs on the go, you can just go to the "Archives by Month" and it will show you all the blogs on the go for each month. Some blogs from even a couple or few months ago are still open and you might like to add some comments and get them going again.
Number one woman today Virgowoman. Congrats.
Jen
Posted by: jenniferhi at May 29, 2009 9:32 AM
Thank you Unknownauthor....don't suppose you would know where Question Time has disappeared to...?
Virgo...:)
Posted by: virgowoman2 at May 29, 2009 8:47 AM
Hey 2 more familiar faces.. W'n'W and the old 2xii's.. Well, hello.. You guys just in for a quick look too or are you planning to stay for a bit?? ....... "G"
Posted by: amdoingit at May 29, 2009 12:26 AM
Sweetmixture @ 5.02pm on 27th... That cut off age of 55 for women at the speed dating, etc really got my goat. I actually contacted support re that and was informed that they were catering to the requests of the members. Funny thing though, when you read through the profiles of men in their late 50's to early 60's there does seem to be an equal number who have their ideal partner in the late 50's to early 60's so has got me beat. , Maybe they need to do a survey.
All the more reason to just get out in the real world coz it ain't gonna happen on here. Well, odds aren't in the favour of women our age. Would be nice to be proven wrong but??????
Good luck to you.. "G"
.
Posted by: amdoingit at May 28, 2009 10:04 PM
Posted by: feelgood76 at May 28, 2009 6:56 PM
Ummm ohh...Well that brought a smile to my face! Thank you, (grins) However you are a little young for "moi" (laughs)
Actually I have often described myself in that manner. Like a good drop of red! Full bodied, pleasant and mature and gets better with age..(blushes)
Cough cough, now, back to reality. Rolls my eyes!! Am trying to get out there feelgood76. Really I am!!!
Posted by: sweetmixture at May 28, 2009 9:48 PM
and VW you are a real attractive spunk
Posted by: unknownauthor at May 28, 2009 7:50 PM
Cheer up sweetmixture.. Look if i was up your way i'd take you out and show you how to live again. Don't let age worry you
You know they say...
"Age is like a good drop. The more mature the better it tastes..." get out there girl
Posted by: feelgood76 at May 28, 2009 6:56 PM
RRRRRRR Romance on the Beach sound's good to me. Break out that cheese and wine I'm comming!!!!!!!!!!
Sweetmixture I actually replyed to that email about the events saying just that and asking why they dont cater for anyone over 45 Nor do they cater for events out in the western suburbs unless your under 40. Also told them that it seems we dont matter. Keep you posted wth any response I get ( Fat Chance )
Bonking Credits LOL is that what you guys call em. How about a little Romance and wooing a women, maybe even getting to know them a little better let that chemistry build a bit LOl
Posted by: ru4real1 at May 28, 2009 5:39 PM
Hey Sweetmixture,
I've lost Question Time too...hope it is as resilient as us, and pops up again soon..!!
Virgo..:)
Posted by: virgowoman2 at May 28, 2009 12:42 PM
Hey glitter - all I can say is it must have been damned crowded down on that beach (at sunset). Was everyone walking single file or was it a free-for-all?
Posted by: woodnwine at May 28, 2009 9:06 AM
Hi Woody,
Hope you are well.
As for the cliche of walking hand in hand along the beach etc etc . . . it is true, I do it often, love it. Some of our/my best moments.
Sorry mate : ))
Glitter xo
Posted by: glitteringblue at May 27, 2009 10:27 PM
Posted by: notafigjam at May 26, 2009 11:23 PM - only one real George Clooney my friend!
Posted by: willow29 at May 27, 2009 1:00 PM - that sounds lovely and glad to see that it really does happen!!
Keep you posted sweetmixture.
iaminperth - I'd feel sorry for anyone in boganland and your description, it does sound like a sad life - not mine though.
Posted by: aloveoflife at May 27, 2009 6:47 PM
I keep losing the "Question Time" Blog. It doesn't seem to show up on any of the lists. Sighhhhhs
Today I am feeling like a total "Non Event" according to RSVP Singles! Most of their events geared at bringing people together are for anyone under 60 when it comes to the "fairer sex" The events are mostly for women in the 40's age bracket and under..did see one for up to 55 for women. Me, I am 60 so might as well forget life then according to the people who organise these events (frowns) It is the same with the holidays. I keep getting updates for holidays and events which are all geared up for people younger than myself. I don't understand why they just can't have A FEW events for 45 plus or something like that! sheesh kebabs!!
I suppose some would lie about their age but myself I can't see the point in that.
Think I will go and pull out all those brochures for the "aged care" places..sighhhhhhhhhhhhsss mutters to myself as I shuffle off out the way!! Mumble mumble, grumble grumble....
Posted by: sweetmixture at May 27, 2009 5:02 PM
What about racing after the dogs in the dunes and then settling down to the picnic basket full of cheese, wine and pate to watch the sunset? That was my Sunday, so it does happen :)
Posted by: willow29 at May 27, 2009 1:00 PM
Posted by: iaminperth at May 27, 2009 3:09 AM
Oh, the clichés. Don't they just rattle your bones? I often laugh about the thousands of people apparently walking along the beach at sunset. Hand in hand, with a glass of red wine. (whilst living their life to the fullest)
Posted by: woodnwine at May 27, 2009 9:45 AM
Posted by: aloveoflife at May 26, 2009 10:04 PM Yes "westwoman" I remember I was uncomfortable with the scenes being on a first date with my husband. Robert Mitchum was quite "brutal" with his love scene "Wham, bang, thank you maam!!" Whereas with the soldier Sarah Miles was involved with (ooooohhh adultery!!) it was tender and revelational for her as how lovemaking could be!
Actually "loveoflife" you talk about kissing, my husband was so slow. We used to laugh about it all, upon reflections of our early days. Took him so long to kiss me I was starting to think he was gay!! lol Mind you once he started he never looked back (smiles)
So anyway "loveoflife" spill the beans. what's happening with the "kisses" then - any dates??
Posted by: sweetmixture at May 27, 2009 8:20 AM
Compulsory third date bonk sm is what some idiotic males raves on about on this site. According to their posts from a little while ago there were a couple of males who thought that women would think them weird or lame, which they are, if they did not put the word on a woman for a bonk on the third date. It was so pathetic it was laughable and could only be thought up by someone who is so desperate to get attention and nothing else. I can assure you it is not at all real and no decent man would think that way, or would expect any woman to behave that way. They were just two insignificant people who make up a lot of lies to try to lift their own egos. So far as the live life to the fullest statement it really sounds stupid on a dating site when the person is obviously not however, I guess everyones idea of what life to the fullest is different. I guess if you are living in bogan land in a nasty job and you get a day off that may be living life to the fullest. All I can say is yay for Maccas !
Posted by: iaminperth at May 27, 2009 3:09 AM
Hi Girls,
I wonder how many guys on RSVP just changed their handle to "Georgeclooney"....look out Aloveoflife; might be some serious first date bonking heading your way!!
bob
Posted by: notafigjam at May 26, 2009 11:23 PM
Posted by: westwoman at May 26, 2009 8:37 PM
Thank you so much "westwoman". I remembered straight after I clicked the post off. "Ryan's daughter" It was, it was...smiles (believe it or not!) Good movie it was for the day.
Het Sweetie...Whilst you were off to the flicks to see Ryan's daughter with yer soon to be husband, I went with my parents and brother to see the movie at a Dubbo theatre...was only around 12yo...and I always thought my parents were "straight laced"...must bring it up with them, what a hoot...
Posted by: westwoman at May 26, 2009 10:26 PM
Posted by: feelgood76 at May 26, 2009 9:41 PM I meant thanks for confirming it!! LOL - great profile too.
Posted by: aloveoflife at May 26, 2009 10:14 PM
Very nice feelgood, very nice indeed
Posted by: aloveoflife at May 26, 2009 10:04 PM
You too sweetmixture, you have a GREAT sense of humour, love your posts, that's funny about mrcheeky, at least he's honest!! Bouncing on the bed, sit ups on the carpet - oh, sorry not the sports you were meaning!?! BTW - get kissing sweet, can't remember who told you it was liberating but I've started and it is great!!
Posted by: aloveoflife at May 26, 2009 10:04 PM
Posted by: westwoman at May 26, 2009 8:37 PM
Thank you so much "westwoman". I remembered straight after I clicked the post off. "Ryan's daughter" It was, it was...smiles (believe it or not!) Good movie it was for the day.
Ty "loveoflife", I do but try to be positive and enjoy life as well as having a good sense of humour (well I believe I do anyway lol!)
Leaves door open for Mr George Clooney mmm mm lol! No "loveoflife" must admit I have never heard of "rootrats"
That's it..am never having a third date!!!! One of cheeky's sports is "bedroom sports!!" Lol!! I just happened to notice..cough cough...
Unused credits!! Hahahaha Very funny "mrcheekyone" and "woodnwine!"
Well enjoy the rest of your week "loveoflife" Sure I will catch you again soon!
Posted by: sweetmixture at May 26, 2009 9:52 PM
Hey sweet and aloveoflife I'll confess.. my third date turn out well..:) and forth..:)LOl. BY the way aloveoflife, i'm up on the terminology... and yep.. Still called a skanky Hoe..ha
Posted by: feelgood76 at May 26, 2009 9:41 PM
Posted by: sweetmixture at May 26, 2009 8:56 AM "Talking about Tar and Feathers, my first date with my husband was to see a movie back in the 70's which had Sarah Miles and Sir John Mills in but I can't remember the name (senior's moment LOL!)"
Sweetie...Was it Ryan's daughter?
Posted by: westwoman at May 26, 2009 8:37 PM
Oh, and by the way, if a certain George Clooney walked my way or even looked my way - it would be a 1st date bonk!!!
Posted by: aloveoflife at May 26, 2009 5:55 PM
Sweetmixture, I also loved your tongue in cheek comment about the 500 men 50 women, I got the joke. Good one. Who could possibly take that one seriously, love your sense of humour, enjoy your outlook on life. Looks like you also "love living your life to the fullest", for those that hate that tedious and boring term - bugger off.
Posted by: aloveoflife at May 26, 2009 5:36 PM
Ah yes, sweetmixture, I have been reading and taking it in - I'll raise your cough cough with a splutter splutter (lol). Me and you, we need to know this - it's important to our dating future!!! Just be prepared for that third date my friend - if it's not on it's not on (on the 3rd date of course) - haha.
Timewarp, back in my younger years although I like to still think we're all young things, we called them "Root Rats" for want of a better expression. In my 40's now and they still exist although the lovely men I have met to do on this site have been courteous.
Mrcheekyone, believe me, some of us are able to pick 'em and chuck 'em so even though they can make us wary, I personally don't view all men as a RR. Bit of a giggle, I've heard the female equivalent is called a Skanky Hoe! Bet I get a lecture on that one sweetmixture - lol.
Posted by: aloveoflife at May 26, 2009 5:32 PM
sweet : is that what the black stuff is :-))
Hey woody you"re not the only one with credits.....I don"t think they're redeemable.
Posted by: mrcheekyone at May 26, 2009 10:35 AM
3rd date compulsory bonk ..... I think I might have some unused credits. :-)
Posted by: woodnwine at May 26, 2009 10:13 AM
Posted by: mrcheekyone at May 25, 2009 5:23 PM
Reading your profile mrcheekyone..you could be one of the high school boys! LOL
I for one would never tar anyone with the same brush.. (blinks my eyes and looks up at my halo!!)
Talking about Tar and Feathers, my first date with my husband was to see a movie back in the 70's which had Sarah Miles and Sir John Mills in but I can't remember the name (senior's moment LOL!) Was set in a little village and t his married woman (married to Robert Mitchum) has an affair with a soldier and the villagers take her, cut her hair off and she ended up with feathers stuck all over her. Ok..what was name of movie please??
Actually thinking back..that had a great deal of sexual content in for a first date!!! What were we both thinking? But then, we probably did not know it at the time!
Posted by: sweetmixture at May 26, 2009 8:56 AM
Don't laugh "aloveoflife" Look at this post
Posted by: iaminperth at May 25, 2009 10:57 AM
I think it would be cheating if you had done the third date compulsory bonk, however, if that hasn't happened it's not.
Cough cough.. this is serious stuff and I need to know it!!!!
Posted by: sweetmixture at May 26, 2009 8:43 AM
Hi all and hello Glitter!!. Just having a quick peek before I go to bed. (Try not to be still awake when the birds start greeting the dawn.)
When I was a teenager in the early 1950s we sometimes talked about 'Rooters'. No, Mr Yank, not barrackers for the home team. These were the people who were looking very busily for a special someone for only one reason, and it wasn't having a good convo, ru4.
They were only interested in getting it together with someone as soon as possible - with anyone who'd let them, it seemed to us.
They would put the hard word on their date on the way home from the first date, usually without much pressure. More pressure at the end of the second date and even more on the third. And if they didn't crack it by the third date, Next please!!!
Not very patient, we thought, but Perthie must have met a fair few of them, by the way she summed it up.
Just about to fall off my perch, so better snore. Gotta be on the road in 5 hours from now. Seeyez.
Posted by: timewarp1 at May 26, 2009 4:37 AM
Sweetmixture, you make me smile, is there even such a rule, was it on 2 1/2 men perhaps. Not sure about where I heard about the 3 date rule, 3 date bonk etc. lol
Posted by: aloveoflife at May 25, 2009 5:50 PM
sweet: guys who still think their in high school.......unfortunately we all get tared with the same brush.
Posted by: mrcheekyone at May 25, 2009 5:23 PM
Ummmmm, can someone please explain to me, what is this compulsory 3rd time date "bonk"??????
I think I get the picture but if I am r ight in my assumption, who decided this??
Posted by: sweetmixture at May 25, 2009 4:16 PM
Compulsory 3rd date bonk? mmmm .......
Posted by: woodnwine at May 25, 2009 11:49 AM
I think it would be cheating if you had done the third date compulsory bonk, however, if that hasn't happened it's not. I think Glitter you need to trust yourself more as you must have an inkling of what is happening if you are being strung along. Maybe having more trust in your own instincts and feelings and acting on the signals is the way to go rather than putting so much trust in the other person. When that little light goes off and the smidgen of doubt creeps in, start looking at the situation and trust your own feelings and make a decision to question. No need for action probably at that stage but I think everyone needs to be very aware. Your pretty years will never be over because as you age so will a potential partner so it's all relative.
Posted by: iaminperth at May 25, 2009 10:57 AM
Dont Give up Glitter not all pll will be like that. Yes there are some I must addmit. There will be someone out there who fits just right you'll see. We never know from quater they'll come usally when we least expect it. Seem's sometimes the more you want the less you find. I just go out to have fun and enjoy myself and enjoy the company and a good convo. Thats when it always seems to happen.
Posted by: ru4real1 at May 24, 2009 7:12 PM
Posted by: notafigjam at May 21, 2009 11:03 PM
Hi Bob, yes I think you are right. Get out there and make friends first. And it is essential to be honest with your intentions. I have always been that way, but I have found that others are not that way - it has wasted much of my precious time. At my age, I cannot afford to waste the pretty years on someone who says one thing and strings you along and along, then to be the exact opposite - a great disappointment and makes me distrusting of others - I don't want to be distrusting, yet . . .
Glitter
Posted by: glitteringblue at May 23, 2009 7:56 PM
ru4real1 at May 21, 9:46 PM: Thanks for telling me the other meaning of the sign of the bull. I wasn't at all offended, just surprised, based on the only meaning I knew then. Now it makes sense.
Hello "G" glad to see you're still around. Hope to meet you and the mob again, next time my work takes me to Melbourne. No sign of that yet, but another Sydney trip in mid-June.
My romance strengthens. Went tonight to our Dabblers' monthly read-poetry-in-turn evening (at Starryeyez' place tonight) and as I walked in through my door afterwards, the phone rang. It was my beloved 200km away, greeting me with *I visualised you coming in the door and having to run for the phone."
Posted by: timewarp1 at May 23, 2009 1:07 AM
Posted by: podgirl38 at May 21, 2009 9:46 PM
Valid point Pod - is much more than just filling the void of loneliness if its a relationship ppl are looking for. Got to get to know someone and friendship is a good vehicle for that. I think you owe it to yourself and the other party. HH
Posted by: hopefulhoney at May 22, 2009 11:54 PM
Gday Bob am glad you agree I think its just a healthy attitude to take especially with dating sites such as this. Your so right Bob you cant expect someone to fall in love with you straight away. Just let nature take its course. If its meant to be it might just flow on. If nothing else you may just gain a friend. I've been out of the dating game for three years I sure dont want to rush things thats for sure.
Posted by: ru4real1 at May 22, 2009 11:43 PM
Musicman posted may13th @ 12.15am.
I think you summed it up very well there. Sending kisses, emailing and then meeting is one thing. Once you start dating though and feel a connection of some sort then you need to be up upfront and honest. Saves any misunderstandings later and at least you each know where you stand. Like your attitude.. Good luck with your search.... "G"
Posted by: amdoingit at May 22, 2009 3:03 PM
Ru4real,
Brilliant; I cannot agree with you more. Get out there and meet people with a view to friendship first...hey, they may not be looking for the same, but being honest about your intentions there at least sets your agenda.
Why do so many people think that you will find true love immediately; so want to force the issue? Meet people and get to know them...you may surprise yourself and fall for someone that you least expected.
Bob
Posted by: notafigjam at May 21, 2009 11:03 PM
Timewarp that hand sign is also the sign you make when you Luv Heavy Metal music as I do hence why it is in my pics. Sorry it offended you. I had no idea it also had another meaning like calling someone a looser LOL ( oh dear )
I agree with both Musicman & Feelgood
As I said what you think you were looking for may change. Do we ever really know,and how can you know unless you explore thing's meet new people. As long as your up front with them. If I'm asked question I answer them, if I'm asked will I meet other people I'll be honest with them and tell them so by saying we are just friend's for now lets see how it goes. If I meet someone I really like and the feeling is mutual and we want to take things further, then I would back off all the others, and thats only fair. Dont believe in leading anyone on. But there are those possesive types out there that expect that once you meet them thats that and you shouldn't meet other's in their minds. They are the kind's of people that scare me. Haven't meet one in here yet and hope I dont.
Posted by: ru4real1 at May 21, 2009 9:46 PM
Dating is all about socialising and meeting new people. It's great that you feel a connection with someone, and there is chemistry, but it's important to spend time with other people as well. It really is a good way of working out how you feel about someone, when you spend time with other people. I agree with Feelgood, being honest is the best way. It's not about keeping your options open, it's about finding the right person, not just filling the void of loneliness.
Posted by: podgirl38 at May 21, 2009 9:46 PM
Hi guys i've been reading your posts in this blog and others and i agree on most. Music man: Mate, can agree with you totally. I've done just what you have stated in your comments. Must admit..., It's quite a weird experience to actually know that the other person is looking dating going out and meeting people too just like you are doing in search of that special person.. But if you place yourself on here, you must recognize that and cope with the fact. Otherwise your only playing mind games with yourself. To answer the Question asked... On paper it's ok. Reality.... Once you get to know your date a little more, back it off with the others and be up front. either that or hell will break loose...!!! Call me a player but i have no problem with meeting more then one person at a time.
Posted by: feelgood76 at May 21, 2009 8:01 PM
well if a guy did that he would be crucified and labelled a player wouldn't he?
along with a few other choice words
Posted by: basswild at May 21, 2009 6:27 PM
Hi mohegansun: glad you're happily placed too. When did you change to that name, old alphabet friend?
ru4real1 at May 19, 2009 7:14 PM: To answer your question: If you make the sign of the bull at a man (first and 4th fingers raised) that's the same as saying to him "Hey loser! Your wife's having it on with someone else". I just wondered why I'd seen it among your profile photos. Does it have another meaning too?
Posted by: timewarp1 at May 20, 2009 10:51 PM
Wow Mohegansun & Timewarp that some great news you two am so Happy for you all the very best hope it all works out well for you am sure it will. Nice to hear some success stories. Lifts your heart.
Umm timewarp wondering what you meant by the reference by the sign of the bull & steeling wifes lol
Posted by: ru4real1 at May 19, 2009 7:14 PM
Posted by: mohegansun at May 19, 2009 9:58 AM
Oh, it is so refreshing to hear that all is going well with two people who appear to have "found" someone special on the RSVP site, smiles.
I wish both you and timewarp1 as much happiness as is possible in both your relationships. Keep us posted you two and good luck!
Posted by: sweetmixture at May 19, 2009 10:50 AM
I think I'm the first bloggers to post at success stories...Stay tune..won't be long.. :)))
Baby you're so hot, you're so cool, you're so good to me, a breath of one's life. Thanks God for the dream vision i have had. I 'd almost lost my hope in finding my beautiful butterfly I been waiting, wanting, hoping & wishing. The prophecy has been revelled & fulfilled. We're both in-love over the moon it's a destiny brought us together only death would bring us apart...
Posted by: mohegansun at May 19, 2009 9:58 AM
Timewarp, wonderful to hear both of you it seems very attracted to each other its a dynamic feelings lifting each day.
But you are not alone to anticipate that desires...Me toooo I'm on top of the world in-love. yahoooo...I can't wait to see him back to my arms, after he's few days away on business conference to GoldCoast. Flooding of phone calls is not enough for me just wanted him beside me all the way...I think he is far more in-love methink :)
Posted by: mohegansun at May 19, 2009 9:32 AM
musicman42 at May 13, 2009 12:15 AM: Thank you for putting your thoughts down so precisely and clearly that it can apply to everyone.
I agree with you and Perthie, with one proviso. Sometimes you are already able to decide that you want to stop looking elsewhere, even before you have met "the one" in person.
That recently happened to me. She sent me an RSVP kiss, and when I read her profile I thought "Wow! Exactly what I've been hoping for, and never believed I'd ever find. And she's kissing me!!""
After half a dozen emails and then 3 or 4 one-hour phonecalls (she's got skype), I was hooked, sight-unseen. (And so was she, she told me later.)
I got back last night just in time for tennis, after our second weekend together at her place 200km from mine, and we're looking forward to doing that again and again and again. Thank you RSVP.
ru4real1: Looked at your profile, and wonder if you know that the sign of the bull means "Someone is borrowing your wife when you're not looking, and she's having a rather good time with him."
Believe an Australian tourist copped a bullet a while back, after he made that sign out the window towards the limo that had just nearly run his VW right off the narrow dirt road.
There was a mafia don in the limo, and they're very jealous of their street cred.
Seeyez all later.
Posted by: timewarp1 at May 19, 2009 1:07 AM
I don't think it matters how many people you meet at the same time. I think that's what most of us are here for aren't we.........to meet likeminded people. If someone sparks your interest though surely that would be the interest to pursue at that moment. If it leads somewhere, that's really good and if it doesn't, well then meet someone else. I think it's all pretty easy really, depends what you are looking for I suppose.
Posted by: iaminperth at May 18, 2009 10:36 AM
I think all of the comments made about manageing your contacts are very valid points. As long as your honest and up front with the people you are meeting. And if your lucky enough and dont rush people into things something may just happen.
Timewarp I agree better to talk on phone then to email, sms or IM chat. In person even better to gage a person and find out if there is chemistry there.
Posted by: ru4real1 at May 13, 2009 10:19 PM
Musicman, I have read your blog and unfortunately even if you have gone on a few dates with someone and they hold your hand and have kissed them, it doesn't necessary mean they want to take it to a romantic relationship. Men will only do this if their emotional side is ready to do so, if they see themselves with this person for the long term but if they only see that person on a more physical level then it will just be that. All men think differently, that is what makes them all unique, yes they are confusing at times,but then again so are women!!!!
Posted by: majik14u at May 13, 2009 11:06 AM
Internet dating isn't a serial exercise. You buy stamps and they have an expiry, and you don't know any of these people to start with at all. So chances are you will engage in a number of contacts at a time.
The next step from that is meeting in person and getting to know each other better. If at this point that is all it is, just going out a few times to get to know each other better, still trying to decide if you want to get into a relationship with this person, then you probably have to expect, especially coming from a dating site, that they'll be doing the same with others.
But the moment that you start getting past that, kissing, holding hands, or more, then you are taking this into a romantic relationship, and there definitely shouldn't be more than one on the go by then.
So I'd expect to be able to send out 20 kisses at once, and if I got 5 positive replies and started communicating with them at the same time that would be fine, and then we could meet up to get to know each other better. But the moment I see there's some particular connection with one of them, I'd think I'd then need to talk to her about this, and if we both want to go forward with this, I'd then have to let the others know that I've found someone else, and it stops with them then.
Posted by: musicman42 at May 13, 2009 12:15 AM
tempered81 at 9:03 AM: Good question. My answer: I just WON'T do email keyboard chat! At all! Ever!
What a stupid waste of time, when you've got a mouth! It's like SMS texting someone who's sitting right beside you.
Use the phone for God's sake, and spend one-twentieth the time to get to know as much about the person.
And if you're on the phone, a third person can't interrupt like when you're finger-chatting - she just leaves a message to phone her back, once you're free. So you can focus on one person at a time. Why would you not want to do that? (While you're actually "talking" to them)
And not too long on the phone either. Anyone whose profile sounds all right is worth a face-to-face, because that's the only sure way to find out whether you click/have chemistry/are on the same wavelength. And it gets you a lot of actual dates, which are pleasant in their own right, if you both are.
.............................................................
I've been in RSVP nearly 3.1/2 years and have had first dates with nearly 200 women. That's a bit over one a week on average. Four in one too-busy week, none for 6 weeks after I broke 2 ribs.
About 160 were women I'd kissed (and I get only one date from 3 kisses) and the other 30-odd had kissed me. I'm now 73, they were 55-77 when we met.
................................................................
I see it as a procedure quite like recruiting staff - you want someone, you know what you want them for (or you haven't done your homework) and you know what sort of person you want (or you haven't done your homework.)
But if someone comes along who is different from what you had in mind, but seems perfect for the job, you throw the selection criteria out the window, and try to recruit her.
You both start by advertising, and see who replies (profiles and kiss stage.)
You look at the applicants' C.Vs (RSVP profiles) and decide which to follow up on. (In my case, NONE of the hundreds of filipinas who keep kissing me in the hope of emigrating.)
The ones who sound like possibles you email (or they email you, if they were the one who sent the kiss.)
The purpose of that email is only to say hello and get a phone number, and the purpose of the phone number (in my case) is to check whether they have a buzzsaw voice or a hyaena laugh (no thanks), and to make a date to meet face to face.
And I don't just go for coffee dates - that's timid toe-in-the-water stuff. I'm fair dinkum about finding my match, and I'm only looking for someone who also is. So I say "Let's meet over a nice meal (I eat out 3 times a week anyway) go Dutch, and talk for a couple of hours or so."
If they say "I only do quick coffee dates" I say ""Which tells me you're less motivated to meet your match than I am, and not prepared to put much effort into it. So let's forget it." That saved me from a dozen dates with tyre-kickers.
My purpose at the first date is ONLY to see if we both enjoyed it enough to BOTH want a second date. Which we discuss then and there, so if either of us doesn't, that potential coupling can be immediately crossed off the list, then and there.
No mucking about, or wondering for weeks if the phone will ring. Next!!.
.................................................................
What results did I get from this approach? A second date with about one in fifteen. As far as date 6 with about half a dozen. Short relationships with 3 that fizzled out. Two long-term dear platonic friends.
And then 3 weeks ago She sent me a kiss. I read her profile, and it was exactly what I had been searching for for the last 15 years that I've been single, and never seen. I'd missed it because she's 200km away, and I was only looking as far as 50km away.
Our first date was ten days later - after about 20 long emails each way, and about 12 hours on the phone. (She has skype to make that affordable.) Because we couldn't wait till we met - we both needed to talk a lot, straight away.
Our first date was going to be 2 days and one night at her place, but I finished up going home 2 days late. And I'll be back with her next weekend.
The moral? If you think you have something worthwhile to offer, keep looking till you find someone worth offering it to.
And in the meantime, immediately weed out everyone who you've met for a long talk, and you don't both ring the other's bells as potential friends or lovers.
Time I phoned her. Seeyez all, much later.
Posted by: timewarp1 at May 12, 2009 10:05 PM
I agree with Dolphino & Iaminperth
If you have moved onto a more intermate level then yes a decision needs to be made about whom you want to see to be fair on the other persons envolved. But if its only been a few dates or coffee's ect and communication is limited. Then why not explore other invitations. How many people should you see at any given time? How would you mamage this? Now there's an interesting topic
Posted by: ru4real1 at May 12, 2009 9:58 PM
Morning all,
I'm new to the blogs so my apologies if this question has been raised previously.
I just wanted to find out what people thought of going for multiple dates/ chatting to multiple people at the same time online?
The first time it happened to me I felt really let down. And even though I still feel a bit off if I try and initiate a chat and get a response back like,"..couldn't initiate chat..too many sessions open"..I've come to realise that how online dating often pans out!
Now, I must confess that over time I've been guilty of the same as well but I can't help but feel guilty everytime!
I suppose the secondary question is," Are we ruining chances because of too many choices out there?"
Posted by: tempered81 at May 12, 2009 9:03 AM
Sadly, I have very little recent experience to call on but my values tell me to focus all my attention on one man until he proves whether he is worth the effort of pursuit or destined to be returned to the pages of RSVP. Hopefully, it won't always be the latter.
Posted by: time4latte at May 11, 2009 7:15 PM
Hey Dolph, I agree. Once things start moving on a little bit then a decision needs to be made I guess. I tend to believe if the meeting has moved on a bit and you are thinking about meeting someone else, then maybe you are not as interested in the first as you thought you were. I don't think just meeting a few people is a bad thing at all and broadens your horizons a little. Who knows might make some pretty decent friends out of it.
Posted by: iaminperth at May 11, 2009 5:34 PM
IS IT CHEATING
Early days.
I know that it can be very difficuilt out there trying to find some one and when your hit with 2 at the same time, well (all your birthdays at once). No harm in meeting some one if it's early days with the first person, but if the relationship is really getting on ( sex etc) and your still interested in some one else, I think you have to really reconcile yourself and work out what your're really looking for. The grass is not always greener on the other side, and some times people don't know what they have until it's too late.
Posted by: dolphino at May 9, 2009 2:48 PM
Hiya Bill. So glad for you!
Posted by: willow29 at May 9, 2009 1:19 PM
Hi all! Reporting in for a moment, before I get back to a mountainous backlog of $$ work.
The 3-day first date 200km from home last weekend turned into four days when it rained hard after lunch on Tuesday, and she persuaded me it was probably also raining in Brisbane, so why hurry back for tennis that evening that would probably be washed out anyway?
She's everything I'd spent most of 200 RSVP first dates over 3 years hoping to find. And she's a lot more too, that I hadn't dared to hope for. What a wonderful human being!
I'm even more delighted that she also thinks she's just found a rare treasure, so I've taken searching for a partner off my RSVP profile. I'll visit her again for 3 days in a week's time.
But enough about me. What a sweet read to catch up this blog's last ten days. Especially your outpourings, Perthie - in my absence you have lightened up so much. And dear Willow an equal delight!
...........................................................
Back on topic: elational at May 2, 3:23 PM had some really valuable things to say. Thanks for joining in with:
"I think that if you are seeing someone, but haven't started pashing (for want of a better word) then sure, there should be no harm in seeing other people. But! If there is lots of kissing, sex, or dare I say, lovemaking going on, then it should be one at a time.
If you have got that far with someone and are stilling wondering what else is out there, then put your clothes back on, say goodbye and move on!"
Yess!!! And:
"At the very least, you should be honest (about) if you intend to see other people, so that your date can decide whether they are comfortable with having competition and visa versa. Seems only fair."
"Another point, I think asking someone new if they are seeing other people or not, is probably a good way of protecting yourself from falling too fast? "
Sorry. Doesn't work that way for girls. Fellers are likely to say they're not still looking round, when they actually are. And you can get lulled into a false sense of security.
Better to look at his actions. I can still remember my Ex (we married in 1964, divorced 1994) saying to her husband "By the way, do you really mean that, or is it just the dick talking?"
Seeyezall, down the track a bit.
Posted by: timewarp1 at May 9, 2009 2:05 AM
Hahndorf is a delight in so many ways!
Posted by: willow29 at May 7, 2009 3:03 PM
The best mouth watering pie and blueberry cheese cake I've ever taste that sooo good, in Hahndorf German Village in Adelaide. After we have lunch break one of the Greman restuarant, after lunch I walk around i saw this pie shop, people queueing for pie, out of my curiosity sake, I went in and look around and ask people if the pie taste good., I've ordered few different pie brought back to my hotel also with the blueberry cheese cake. Gives me good memories visiting Hahndorf in Adelaide.
Posted by: mohegansun at May 7, 2009 9:17 AM
I'm sure they would be lining up to share you cooking Willow...
Posted by: journey2407 at May 6, 2009 10:25 PM
Ah yes, for me that's the main disadvantage of being by myself - no-one to share what I cook.
Horses love gingernuts though. I used to take a packet to the shows and Buddy and I would share them in the stall between classes.
So, anyone got a Simpson wall oven thermostat going cheap?
Posted by: willow29 at May 6, 2009 8:38 AM
Love gingernuts Willow, haven't cooked them for years. I can't cook biscuits, they are too dangerous as they are all eaten too quickly around here. I gave up a while ago and even put the breadmaker away as a loaf was always devoured hot with loads of butter. The smell is so delicious and we didn't have any 'won't' power, and we had too much will power.
Posted by: iaminperth at May 5, 2009 8:26 PM
Signs of what, Jen? That I realllllly needed the stimulus package? hehe
Posted by: willow29 at May 5, 2009 8:03 PM
Oh No, now you will have to go and buy a new oven. I have a Smeg oven, they are so good and extremely reliable, might be something to look at if you have to go looking. Haven't done the dishwasher thing yet, would rather install the darned thing than actually use it, but getting there, tonights the night I think !!!
Posted by: iaminperth at May 5, 2009 5:39 PM
Oh Willow. Could these be signs?
Jen (thinking homemade gingernuts sound delicious.mmmmm)
Posted by: jenniferhi at May 5, 2009 5:33 PM
I had to make gingernuts to get enough dishes to start the dishwasher :)
Now the oven has blown up....
Posted by: willow29 at May 5, 2009 3:23 PM
I hate bloodblisters, they start off sort of a pretty red colour and end up looking a dead wart black. However, did you do that? It must have hurt heaps as it's usually a squash. I'm trying to find enough dishes to stack the dishwasher up now to see if it actually works or not. All the lights are showing so that's a good sign. I moved huge potplants around the day before to enclose the courtyard more for the winter. We can sit out there with the heater going like mad and I have put the biggest trees across the end, looks pretty as well. I like my little courtyard with all the plants, it's a lovely spot to sit out in the winter when it's cold. I have a good heater for the wall but might get a chiminea as well just for a big of fun and could toast marshmallows as well.
Posted by: iaminperth at May 4, 2009 11:41 PM
We have this rewards points thing going on at work and I've never taken very much notice of it but I have noticed lately that if you earn 650 reward points you can get one of those remote control vacuum cleaner thingos that runs around your house when you are out. I was thinking I might be able to turn it on when I go to work and hopefully it will have vacuummed all the dog hair and rubbish up when I get home. That would be good, dishwasher doing the washing up, vacuum thingo doing the floor, mmm, could be easy if it works.
Posted by: iaminperth at May 4, 2009 11:11 PM
5 Newfoundlands, god, Bob, what were you thinking!....K
Posted by: auntykaz at May 4, 2009 10:45 PM
All done - albeit with a blood blister on my finger. I dont know, Perth, sometimes, I'd like to bat my lashes and say "aircleaner? is that that thing that looks like a frying pan?" and some dear man to come and change it for me. (or at least to kiss the bloodblister, hehe)
Posted by: willow29 at May 4, 2009 7:49 PM
Hey Willow, My dishwasher is sitting there happy. It's not a huge job fitting them in and tightening all the stuff up and I am not going to pay someone to do it. I can never understand the attitude of some women when they say 'oh that's a man's job", well why is it a mans job. They don't like it when women moans and say men won't help and in the same breath men cannot ever say 'oh that's a women's job'. All double standards as usual. Anyway, saved myself $140 for a plumber and wouldn't ask anyone to do it so all done, looks good and took about an hour all up.
Posted by: iaminperth at May 4, 2009 6:27 PM
LOL, Perth, I am also having a dishwasher delivered today - and I too removed the old one and will plumb in the new one. At least the fellows know that we don't need them for their brawn!
Posted by: willow29 at May 4, 2009 2:12 PM
Oh and having a new dishwasher delivered today and I am removing the old wone and plumbing in the new one so mind was somewhere else. My hands hurt so much from yesterday though it's hard going. By tomorrow I will be glad to get back to the office and start using my head again and sitting at a desk rather than punishing the rest of me. I think that's how it works office thing/manual work thing, course there is always the beloved beach and my dog. I am looking after a friends cat for 10 days at the moment and the first night he wandered into my room, climbed on my bed, leaned over pecked me on the cheek then settled his head on the pillow next to me and promptly fell asleep. It was sort of freaky, but I am a little used to it now, seems like it's his night time ritual.
Posted by: iaminperth at May 4, 2009 12:04 PM
spelling should be here, not hear, and yes, I do know the difference. Was still lying in bed when I posted that having spend the whole day yesterday moving large trees around in pots by myself. Whilst it was hard heavy work, not to mention very dirty, it was something I needed to do not only for the garden but for myself. I have been 'locked' in an office all week with some awful decisions to make and being outside for me clears my head. The downside is it wrecks my hands and nails and now I ache all over and can hardly walk. Oh well for every ying there is a yang, or something like that anyway.
Posted by: iaminperth at May 4, 2009 11:59 AM
I think the thing you have to mull over completely in your mind, or my mind anyway, is what you are trying to achieve when choosing a new partner. I completely agree with the initial excitement of meeting someone new and doing all the 'first time' stuff but if you are looking for a long term partner will that suffice. Whilst all the over the top romantic notions are very nice you cannot spend the whole of your life having romantic dinners with candlelight and drinking champagne in spa baths. These things need to fit in with the day to day living and paying the bills which can sometimes prove to be very tedious. If one partner is sitting around demanding the candlelight dinners and sitting idly in spa baths whilst you are working your guts out trying to make ends meet, that person starts to look very jaded and indeed sometimes ugly because of their demands, either spoken or unspoken. I think a reality check is needed a lot of the time. To me, someone who contributes on an equal basis is an extremely attractive proposition and then you can have all the rest that goes with it. I would like to be able to respect and admire the person I am with and for that they will need to show they are capable of a lot more than goo gooing on a beach with their glass of red wine, bollocks anyway, and purchasing a very nice meal that someone else has cooked and presented. It's a bit like flashing the credit card for a bouquet of flowers in all the colours you don't particularly like vs picking a few beautiful ones out he knows you love and given to you personally. I think the personal element has given way to flash and cash and I believe all this over the top stereotype romantic stuff is a total crock. The walking along the beach stuff is just pathetic, I'm there every day with the dog and love it, the fishermen are fishing the dogs are romping, people are marching along exercising, great stuff. In the evening, not many people are on any beaches these days as that is the time for the louts to trash it and the dark underworld of society flourish. Doesnt' anyone on hear read the papers. Again, I go back to the original comment and think what you are trying to achieve to enhance your life or picking and coupling with prospective partner after partner in the hope could just be deemed as having a fling.
Posted by: iaminperth at May 4, 2009 11:02 AM
Hi Bob
Gotta agree with you here, this is exactly how I feel...it is not cheating...everyone needs that period of discovery, that time to work out if a person is the 'one' or not...and if you are lucky enough to get 2 chances at the same time....go with the flow and enjoy until you know which one is the one you want to go further with........
Bob from April 28 "If a guy or girl contacts you and you get to the stage of meeting up for a coffee; and even a date afterwards, you cant just expect that "this is it"....at what stage are you actually let the other person in on the act?
Again, all I can say is that your expectations are your own...why are you getting to the point of possessiveness (yes, it is being possessive) when you yet no little, if anything, about the person you are seeing?
Give yourself a break (and the person you are meeting), and just sit back and try and enjoy the experience...be patient, if its right for both of you, it will work out....unless one oif you screws it up.""
just my take on it...jewels
Posted by: imjewelshowareyou at May 4, 2009 7:56 AM
But how do you know they're not cheating Willow. Do you know what they are whispering when they are kissing others. They may be trying to tee up a liaison in the future. I would watch those naughty philandering puppies of yours. My dog, of course, doesn't cheat at all being a german shepherd. She just rounds everyone up and makes sure they are all in one spot where she can keep an eye on them. I love being a sheep! Come to think of it she does jump all over the guy down the street......and gets very friendly with him and I think she even gives him kisses........oh no she's cheating on me.
Posted by: iaminperth at May 3, 2009 7:24 PM
Oh to tie it in - both dogs regularly kiss other people but they're just being friendly, not cheating :)
Posted by: willow29 at May 3, 2009 5:09 PM
One of my dogs is white with blue spots - I wonder if you could get that effect..hehe
Posted by: willow29 at May 3, 2009 5:08 PM
Hi Willow, I think a few people have knitted with the dog hair, not a new dog mind you. There is a lady who spins the hair and then knitted it into jumpers. I can't remember what kind of dog she had but it had this wonderful undercoat and some of the garments she made were beautiful. Now that would be a great way of recycling, wear your dog. I rather like black, tan and gold together, hmmmm, maybe a nice jumper to wear with jeans ! Newfoundland would be a nice colour as well, lol
Posted by: iaminperth at May 3, 2009 2:19 PM
Hi Kaz,
I owned 5 Newfoundlands....my heart bleeds for you with the lab!!
Bob
Posted by: notafigjam at May 2, 2009 11:07 PM
Yup mine too - I have enough hair in the vacuum bag each day to knit a new dog.
Posted by: willow29 at May 2, 2009 9:53 PM
And the grout between the tiles. I have terracotta floor tiles and the grout in between is a nightmare. I had them sealed a while ago and that was supposed to fix the problem but its baaaackkkk! with a vengeance. I hate housework, would much rather be outdoors but the tiles look a total mess at the moment.....again! Will start attacking all this stuff tomorrow, too tired today. I worked till 3pm today so tomorrow is cleaning house day, in between going out in the garden etc.
Posted by: iaminperth at May 2, 2009 7:43 PM
Hi Kaz, Unbelievable isn't it. My shepherd moults more than any of the other four I have owned, there is hair everywhere! Put that with the leaves that are falling off a tree in the backyard and the place is awful. This tree is really interesting with loads of small leaves but when they fall they become sticky and it's a nightmare. I am going to cut it back big time this winter as it's just too hard. Everything is covered in leaves and fur, now that is a serious problem.
Posted by: iaminperth at May 2, 2009 7:05 PM
Dog hair, Perth don't get me started...My cream Lab moults 24/7 and she gets brushed regularly.......She is a cutie though, lucky l like her :-))......K
Posted by: auntykaz at May 2, 2009 6:41 PM
I don't have serious problems, except I have to vacuum the house from all the dog hair and leaves that are falling at the moment. I think to say that everyone has serious problems is a complete overkill and only the person thinking that is the one with the serious problems. I hate stalking, or following or overdoing of any sort. I have had the sms thing, drove me nuts after a while so I turned my phone off, when it continued I just texted two words and that seemed to stop it. Had another who used to turn up wherever I went, just asked him straight out why he was stalking me and what did he hope to achieve, never saw him again either. Two dopey judgements on my part and I had only met both these guys once that was the strange part of it.
Posted by: iaminperth at May 2, 2009 6:22 PM
LOL Hi notafigjam,
That is a very common perception Bob. As I have already answered that, no need to answer again.
Have a good one.
Posted by: buddy383 at May 2, 2009 5:56 PM
Hi Buddy,
Absolutely cannot agree with your evaluation that there is no-one out there that doesn't have serious problems...that is a crock. Yes, everyone has problems, lots have serious problems....but the serious problems of which I am speaking are emotional. How you deal with those feelings determines how serious the problem becomes. Anyone whose idea of dealing with relationships involves stalking or pestering the object of their obsession (as a matter of fact obsessive people already have a serious problem) really should get help...and should never be encouraged.
Bob
Posted by: notafigjam at May 2, 2009 5:01 PM
Hi notafigjam,
Everything a person ever does or conceives pertains to their own perception and life experience. I have found most people respectful, I have found most people just friendly.
In any relationship the person who makes the first contact could be concluded as stalking.
There isn't a single adult in this world who doesn't have serious problems. In fact in this world to be normal, it helps to be a little insane. The person who believes they do not have any issues generally has the greatest issues of all.
Posted by: buddy383 at May 2, 2009 3:54 PM
Hi all, I say that we should look to the old black and white movies for hints on answering this one. It wasn't uncommon for a lady to have a string of suitors courting her. Each one vying for her attention, trying to show her their merit and keeping her eye. Times are different though and intimacy was something for engagements and marriage back then, not dating, like it is today. I think that if you are seeing someone, but haven't started pashing (for want of a better word) then sure, there should be no harm in seeing other people. But! If there is lots of kissing, sex, or dare I say, lovemaking going on, then it should be one at a time. If you have got that far with someone and are stilling wondering what else is out there, then put your clothes back on, say goodbye and move on!
At the very least, you should be honest if you intend to see other people, so that your date can decide whether they are comfortable with having competition and visa versa. Seems only fair. Another point, I think asking someone new if they are seeing other people or not, is probably a good way of protecting yourself from falling too fast?
Posted by: elational at May 2, 2009 3:23 PM
Hi Buddy,
I guess its all about perceptions again...I would have thought all 3 or your examples had serious problems if I were in that situation and told them all I wasn't interested. I had a friend who was sending me lots of emails over a day...I told her (nicely) to back off...fortunately, she did. As I said, some people just get so involved they dont realise when they are becoming pests...then they cant understand why the other person ditches them
Bob
Posted by: notafigjam at May 2, 2009 11:38 AM
Hi notafigjam,
I don't disagree with you. In fact I totally agree. Stalking is stalking, what I said was stalking was only stalking when the advances are not wanted.
I can see you haven't been involved in that many relationships, one lady sent me over 100 sms messages in a day and kept it up for over 3 months. I didn't consider her stalking, though it was. Another lady kept showing up places just in time to drive me home whenever I didn’t take my car. The list is endless. Even my own wife before we got together, kept running into me all over the place, it wasn't till later on I found out it wasn't by coincidence. Though you know what Bob, in the end I was glad my wife stalked me, she knew what I wanted and needed better than me and if it were left up to me, I would have just considered her friendly and our meetings purely coincidence.
Posted by: buddy383 at May 2, 2009 10:07 AM
TW ( Bill ) I agree with you totally. Guess its not stalking with text and phone calls if this is ok with both parties concerned. And your right to Bob dont know how people cant see that there stalking someone, there are some strange people out there LOL.
I also agree with your comment TW on just being honest about what you both want. But this is not something you would be asking or talking about when you first meet someone thats putting to much pressure before anything has even begun. So here a question for you all when should you talk about this? I would only do this when things seemed more substancial between you.
Hope your first meeting goes well Bob and she is even better than you expected. Just be carefull not to have your expectations to high Hun and just enjoy the night or weekend.
Posted by: ru4real1 at May 2, 2009 12:31 AM
Hey Buddy,
Sorry mate, but stalking is stalking whether it is literally following someone around and watching their every move, ot it is endless texting. Both activities are harrassment....I dont see anyone asking for a partner that is going to harrass them, have you?
The problem is that there are many people out there that think they possess the other person because they have met once, or even just emailed, texted or had a call....I can only guess that, in a place like this that has a "desperates wanted" sign all over it, there are plenty of them
Bob
Posted by: notafigjam at May 1, 2009 11:56 PM
This topic is kind of like the million dollar question isn't it. Personally I myself prefer to only see one person at a time. But I can see where this would be a lot more time consuming in trying to find the right one. If there is such a thing. Being new to this, dating and searching I'm not sure what I think is the right thing to do!!!!!!!
Posted by: lisastrust at May 1, 2009 11:05 PM
ru4real1 at April 29, 2009 7:08 PM: You explained it so well, and I agree completely. Two people aren't an item till you've both decided that the other is about as suitable as you're going to find, and certainly suitable enough to be a rewarding partner, because they really light your fire.
When I see people talking about meeting someone who's not quite repulsive, and then locking on to that person for a few months to see how (or if) things develop, and they say they're being careful not to distract themselves with a coffee with anyone else, I can't help thinking they must have very low self-esteem, or be pretty unsure what they really want. Or they'd know pretty soon.
I knew exactly what kind of woman I've been hoping to meet, and was able to define it very precisely in my profile. I had nearly 200 practice first dates over the last 3 years before She saw my profile, liked the sound of me and sent me a "kiss".
I read her profile and bingo! Exactly what I had in mind. So I asked her to email me, and she did and she did and she did. And I gave as good as I received.
She and I are already pretty damn sure we're a goer, though it's only a week since she sent me that kiss, and we haven't even met yet.
I'm more excited about our first date together, starting about 40 hours from now, than I have been since my 20s, when Joan would be coming down from teaching in the bush for a long weekend to stay with a mate, and I was going to see her at the party.
I've just been on the phone for another couple of hours, planning how She and I will spend the 3-day weekend together. As usual, our second long call for the day.
If someone else chatted me up now, I'd say No Thanks, not because I'm seeing someone else (we haven't even met yet) but because I know I've found someone more suitable for me than I'd ever dreamed I would. So I'm not still deciding, and prepared to check out a late entrant. I'm on track and wooing in earnest.
Thanks to you and the others for all your good wishes. I'll keep you posted, but I reckon this pairing's a definite goer. Seeyez.
Posted by: timewarp1 at April 30, 2009 11:38 PM
Notafigjam,
Interesting synopsis pertaining to stalking. Stalking is only making advances when the advances are not wanted. Should a person do the same thing when the advances are wanted then it isn’t seen or concluded as stalking, in fact it can be appreciated.
Being upfront and honest is the only answer. Dont leave anything open to misinterpretation. If there isnt a spark there, tell the person, if there is just the spark of friendship there, tell the person, if the attraction is purely sexual, tell the person, if there is something else there, tell the person, then respect the answer which is given. As long as a person continues to reply to messages, in most cases it will be concluded that there is something there, even if this something is only friendship. If a person believes they are being stalked, tell the person how they feel and ask them to desist, if the person continues, report the matter to the police or other authority. If messages and texts are only ever initiated in one direction, this in itself should tell a person something. If a person doesnt reply or try to reply to a message, this should tell a person something
Posted by: buddy383 at April 30, 2009 6:24 AM
Has anyone seen that ad on television for Cadbury Chocolate with the two kids just sitting there raising their eyebrows up and down in time to the music and then the little girl has a balloon which she plays a tune on as well. It think that is one of the funniest ads I have ever seen and whoever would have sat down and thought of that ! Where is the connection. It is so precise, it's fascinating.
Posted by: iaminperth at April 29, 2009 9:21 PM
Hi Woody,
I can rave on about this topic forever...to me, people just dont get it, then wonder why they are always disappointed and struggle to keep their contacts interested.
Ru4real1,
Spot on, what could be more annoying (or scary for a woman) than to realise that that nice person you think you met is a stalker...but it looks like they just dont realise they are stalking...how, I have no idea...but ignorance is obviously bliss
Bob
Posted by: notafigjam at April 29, 2009 9:17 PM
I dont go into anything with any expectations I would rather just let things flow and enjoy the other person's company. Nor do I demand anything of any one when its just dating or a just a coffee. I dont expect the other person to be exclusive to me because that choice is there's not mine to make. As for texting and calling making a pest of yourself, well thats the quickest way to push someone away. I also agree that a cuppa is just that a cuppa. Nothing is offical till both parties say its so and agree
Posted by: ru4real1 at April 29, 2009 7:08 PM
Godd Luck Bill Hope it goes well for you Hun
Posted by: ru4real1 at April 29, 2009 6:53 PM
Good luck Bill and watch out for those hippies.
Other than that, how many times can everyone say the same things about this topic?
Posted by: woodnwine at April 29, 2009 2:59 PM
Good luck TW - hope it goes well!
Posted by: willow29 at April 29, 2009 11:40 AM
I agree Bob and there seem to be quite a few possessive people around unfortunately. One coffee and 3000 texts later and you think, oops, now that was a mistake. I have heard people say they are 'seeing this girl/guy' and all they have done is have a cup of coffee with them. They are not 'seeing' them, they are drinking a cup of coffee...no big deal. I would say if it progresses from there and you start seeing each other regularly and exclusively then maybe that is dating and could form a relationship. But a cuppa is a cuppa.
Posted by: iaminperth at April 29, 2009 7:51 AM
Hiya gang,
This blog is a classic example of the varied opinions on the matter and, as such, the way in which it's handled is a personal thing.
There I go; stating the obvious again.
It's all about the terms of engagement. I believe each person should, clearly and honestly, express their view on the matter before hooking up. If an agreement is reached, no matter what the terms, then you may both proceed with confidence.
About the agreement. It may, or may not, include turning off your profile, offering exclusivity and any other term or condition you agree upon.
It's about two people communicating their preferences in respect of how the situation is handled. If there s agreement, great. If not, move on.
One persons view of what is, or is not, a date may differ from anothers.......as is the case with everything in life. If a person finds themself in a difficult, embarrassing or unpleasant dating situation then, like everything, it's either because someone wasn't honest or there was a lack of effective communication in the first place.
Effective communication isn't simply listening to what a person tells you; it's also about you clarrifying anything you don't understand, responding with your own views and asking questions to be sure you're both on the same page. "He/She didn't say he/she would do that" is a pile of crap. With the exception of falling victim to lies and deceit, beyond our control, I believe each of us is responsible for ensuring we know exactly where we stand.
Posted by: lafreek at April 29, 2009 2:50 AM
Hi all
Just looked in to say goodbye for a little while. I am suddenly in the middle of a romance. She sent me a kiss and inside 36 hours we were emailing back and forth a number of times a day.
And long talks on the phone more than once a day. Luckily she has skype to talk forever via her computer for 38cents flagfall and nothing an hour, or someone would soon be broke.
Tonight after tennis I couldn't get home fast enough, to let me get on the phone for an hour or so, and that's a very good sign.
She lives west of Byron and I'm in Brisbane - well over 2 hours' drive, so we'll meet for the first time all this weekend - a long one in Queensland.
Please tell the other mob too - haven't been there as well tonight, because I've still forgotten my password there.
Closer to topic: I had an RSVP first date with someone else on Sunday arvo. Arranged before, and I don't believe in breaking dates. We all need the practice, even me, nearly up to the 200 mark.
I was very interested to notice that my initial attachment already to Ms NSW (only about 2 or 3 days old at that stage) had totally put the kibosch on my date with someone else.
I didn't care how shapely or intelligent or interesting she was (and hey, she was all three.) I felt I was already taken, sight unseen, so I just wasn't into anyone else. Full stop.
May I suggest that when you get to that stage of feeling so committed to someone, that you find you're not interested in spending significant time one on one with anyone else, that's the time to stop dating all the others.
And until you feel that way, you're not hooked, so you better look for someone else who will have what it takes to hook you, and then let them reel you in.
Seeyez all a bit down the track, when I get my breath back.
Posted by: timewarp1 at April 29, 2009 1:44 AM
Hi All,
You know, I cant help the feeling that this debate has arisen out of the unfulfilled expectations or some.
If a guy or girl contacts you and you get to the stage of meeting up for a coffee; and even a date afterwards, you cant just expect that "this is it"....at what stage are you actually let the other person in on the act?
Again, all I can say is that your expectations are your own...why are you getting to the point of possessiveness (yes, it is being possessive) when you yet no little, if anything, about the person you are seeing?
Give yourself a break (and the person you are meeting), and just sit back and try and enjoy the experience...be patient, if its right for both of you, it will work out....unless one oif you screws it up.
Bob
Posted by: notafigjam at April 28, 2009 7:52 PM
Then again knowing me if I'm seeing someone weather I'm in a relationship or just seeing where that may lead being friends or with a view to something more. I would only see them. But that's just me I guess. Each to there own.
Posted by: ru4real1 at April 28, 2009 7:43 PM
I also agree with Kandikane & Bob
If nothing has been declared as I said before then there can be no demands. Like Bob said as long as you are up front and honest about what your intentions are its there choice wether or not they wish to keep seeing you or not.
Kanikane your right about that. If its not working out most people would do exactly that and then its not cheating. But other wise it is.
Posted by: ru4real1 at April 28, 2009 7:25 PM
Hi All
Gliter I think wether the relationship is new or not it is still a relationship none the less. If a new man show's up on the scene asking you to go out with him even if it is just for a coffee & platonic. I think that is a form of cheating. I guess the question to ask in relation to this is how would you feel if the guy you were seeing went out with someone else. I dont see it as control. After all aren't relationships supposed to be exclusive. Now if you were just dating someone and nothing has been declared offical and then you meet someone else
and went out then thats ok because your just exploring your options as they are. Then I wouldn't consider that cheating.
Posted by: ru4real1 at April 28, 2009 7:12 PM
Hi All,
the bottom line is the choice is not only yours to make. A date has no right to demand exclusivity without you agreeing to be exclusive.
You are up front about your intentons....they can either go along with that or decide they are not interested....they cant demand that you not see anyone else.
Bob
Posted by: notafigjam at April 28, 2009 6:22 PM
I think once you get into your head that you can see it going somewhere... most people would normally drop the other people. As for the whole cheating aspect... once you were official yes. But if nothing is official I don't believe thats cheating!
Posted by: kandikane90 at April 28, 2009 6:10 PM
ru4real1 at April 27, 2009 7:07 PM posted: "Should dating be exclusive well if your looking for a relationship from that person then yes. Is it cheating well Guess it depends on your prospective of what you both wanted in the first place".
I agree actually RU4real, that is how I feel - if you want an exclusive relationship then I wouldn't be dating, BUT, when a relationship is new and you meet another new male friend, and you want to see them (in a platonic sense as opposed to a "date"), where are the boundaries between your new partner saying they don't like it, and/ or them controlling you?
I hope that made sense as I would be interested in people's thoughts on this greyish area.
Glitter
Posted by: glitteringblue at April 28, 2009 3:08 PM
"One can enjoy many relationships at any one time as long as the other parties know about it."
Hi Netbank. You are implying that knowledge = acceptance, which is not always the case.
Posted by: willow29 at April 28, 2009 9:13 AM
As long as you are honest about your intentions, it is not cheating. If you like two people, so what?
Monogamy is just a convention, there is nothing sacred about it. One can enjoy many relationships at any one time as long as the other parties know about it.
Posted by: commonwealthnetbank at April 27, 2009 8:29 PM
not cheating! It"s just exploring your different opptions Of course if you are sleeping with date 1? well that would be cheating.
Posted by: ellenot1 at April 27, 2009 7:18 PM
If I had been seeing someone on a series of dates and there was potential for something more and there was Chemistry between us I wouldn't risk it. What's that old saying " A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" Corney but true LOl. Just because the other one looks good on paper dosen't mean they are. Should dating be exclusive well if your looking for a relationship from that person then yes. Is it cheating well Guess it depends on your prospective of what you both wanted in the first place.
Posted by: ru4real1 at April 27, 2009 7:07 PM
Is it cheating? I dont know. But I have a story:
A Story of a Rabbit in a Corn Field :0)
Wow, this is such a big corn. Oh, I love it ------- the rabbit said. So, the rabbit picked up the corn, putting it in his/her mouth -I dont know its gender :0), and before biting into the corn, the rabbit spotted an even bigger and more brightly yellow one:
Wow, this is even better, my dream corn ------- :0) So, dropping the first one, reaching for the second corn. Before putting it into his/her mouth, an even brighter corn was beckoning the rabbit like bright sunshine in a few meters away:
Wow, that is even better, my ever ideal corn :0) ------- So, the rapid rabbit rushed over :0), but:
Wait, what is that over there, so dazzling just like gold. I would not miss it with any regrets. :0) So:
So, and so……….
I am so tired and starving, and it is so dark, pitch dark. ------- the rabbit said.
:0) Have a very good week, everyone.
Posted by: ahappyending at April 27, 2009 4:44 PM
Yes Perth, about their drinking habits just for social occasion ?! huh ! "...they drink like a fish "...I used to drive my car to parked near the train station, where the drinking pub was, I can't imagine early in the morning about 7:AM men and women have queue outside the pub-table drinking beers and chatting, as young age as 20's to 70"s, they just woke-up from bed and goes to pub rightaway? I can't imagine how their place look like maybe lived like in a Pig House....
Posted by: birdsofparadise at April 27, 2009 1:37 PM
"Sweep them off their feets" ooops, sorry, sounds like I am off my face. lol.
I usually try to read back over what I write but sometimes....well.
Jen (going on that hunt for that wonderful post in the archives.)
Posted by: jenniferhi at April 27, 2009 12:36 PM
ah the old you are not signed in problem.....seems to be browser related.Thank goodness for firefox should have been using that earlier when I wrote a lengthier post..off to work now
Cheers
Posted by: benjaminbutton at April 27, 2009 12:07 PM
Are many of your friends psycho ? I would imagine many of them could be lol.....
Posted by: benjaminbutton at April 27, 2009 12:04 PM
Yeah, Chad l do know a builder, my son.
But he isn't building my house......
What a pitiful weekend weatherwise here in Melbourne.....So wet and windy, and yet today is so far calm...........K
Posted by: auntykaz at April 27, 2009 11:47 AM
Buddy - But it read to me in a sort of patronizing way calling Nakita "Princess". Why didn't you just use her name? Interesting that in itself. (To me)
That it insinuated a woman a bit weak, insecure about things which I certainly don't think she is. (Jen trying to remember her profile and other posts.)
Yes, words are facinating and I love them. That's why I do heaps of writing. But in the scheme of the world these days I would take Princess as the sort of word you certainly don't use around most women. More associated these days with romantic teens, and bubble headed twenty somethings (maybe) looking for their prince to come sweep them off their feets and support them for ever just because they are beautiful.
ummm anyway - you didn't answer more of my post re the waiting to bed someone. I stand by no guy would wait for ever. (No woman for that matter either!) Sex is all part of the overall attraction and compatibility. You simply need to know.
Your post almost reads like there can only be one man for one woman.
It's just not the 'old days' anymore. That happily ever after just doesn't seem to exist now. Of course for some it does. And that is supurb. (My parents have been together for 56 years or something.)
Gonna try and find a wonderful post that was written on this 'waiting' scenario in the archives. Will copy it here if I can find it.
Have a great week all.
Jen
Posted by: jenniferhi at April 27, 2009 10:31 AM
I think you are correct Bop and also apparently woman bash themselves up as well. According to a psycho friend of mine women who take some kind of criticism or perceived criticism from a person then criticize themselves as well, like I could have done this or that whilst apparently men take the criticism on board and that is it. So no matter what women do they get a double bashing. When I say women, obviously not all women because I don't most of the time but a lot of women do overanalyse the situation and criticize themselves as well. And Bob love hearing a man say he doesn't drink to drink but to enjoy the social interraction etc. It is pleasurable and nice but the way some people male and female are behaving with alcohol at the moment makes you cringe.
Posted by: iaminperth at April 27, 2009 10:18 AM
So I guess by having a princess you are a prince. I suppose it's better than 'darl....yuk hate that expression as well. But no, calling a mature woman sounds a bit condescending to me and think it should be kept in the little girl stage, just sounds a bit silly. Only my opinion though. And Freek, what only takes 7 seconds, that's a bit of a worry.
Posted by: iaminperth at April 27, 2009 10:12 AM
I remember a guy used to call me a Princess...I ask him to stop calling me Princess cos I am Amazon ( a female warriors)....hahaha...
Posted by: birdsofparadise at April 27, 2009 9:38 AM
Perth....it makes sense ...it makes sense...
Greeneyenikita.....When we give too much?
As a woman, we tend to be over-giver, Yet it is interesting things happens when anyone gives too much, or does too much for others? - rather than being appreciated. ..The givers finds herself devalued, resented and the recipient of even higher expectation from people who now feel entitled to even more. And the problem just escalates.
If we could take more control, ask for what we want .." thereby taking more responsibility for our own pleasure"...we could not only have more satisfaction for ourselves,..But may also provide our partner with an exciting new Turn-on.
So, may I encourage you to stop giving so much and, paradoxically- you'll be giving to those around you something even precious- a gift of competency...Not only that, but you'll be more rested, less resentful and far stressed, that helps to avoid burnout being used if things didn't workout. Take your time to know the person well, then moved in when you are ready or things are perfect for you. many of us done regrets afterwards of "acts"..
Posted by: birdsofparadise at April 27, 2009 9:23 AM
Hi Jenniferhi,
I would concur, Princess can be a term of endearment, It can be a mark of respect, it can even be used as a derogative put down. Words are fascinating don’t you think? How a person perceives them will be in accordance with their own perception derived from their own life experience .
In real terms, your belief that the majority of women would detest such a remark is also known as a perception. Generally what this relates to is, most people a person relates to and associates with would think along these lines of association. Some people have hang-ups with words and emotions and others don’t. I would suggest that on average approximately one third of women would see it as a sexist thing, one third wouldn’t even notice it and the remaining third would view it in the intent meant and that would be in total respect being held in high esteem.
I generally use princess when a person does or says something which touches my heart. It could be concluded as a term of endearment, albeit is meant more as a term of respect that I hold them and their opinion in high esteem. That in life they are a worthwhile person. I do the same with males albeit when a male does or says something which touches my heart I call them mate and then friend. Though don’t get me wrong, some males have hang-ups with words and emotions also, call some blokes mate in a friendly, happy tone and they turn on you saying, “Don’t call me mate.” It takes all types of people to make this world, birds of a feather will flock together.
Posted by: buddy383 at April 27, 2009 6:12 AM
Posted by: greeneyednikita at April 26, 2009 2:01 AM
The basic answer is when you and he are 'turned on' to each other.
Sex (sleeping with him?? when you feel safe around him )shouldn't be a bargaining chip with an expiry date( ever).
Posted by: auntiechrist at April 26, 2009 11:41 PM
I don't think that many guys equate sex with love at all and some women don't either. I think that if it feels good they will stick around but I don't think it is a matter of loving that person. If they do love that person it is just part of the package. And that package needs to be comfortable in all sorts of ways. From what I am reading here some women seem to think that having sex means love and I don't think it does at all, it means having sex and guys like having sex. So if all you have to offer a guy is sex, he will take it and then move on because it is only a small percentage of the total package. It doesn't mean he dislikes you, it just means that the sex was good but that's all you had to offer to see ya. I think that any women who relies on one aspect to try to complete a whole relationship is deluding themselves. initial attraction is important but will not be sustainable in a long term relationship and this goes for both male and female and it;'s not just all about sex. I helped a woman at work put a profile on this site. Did the photo, looks great, did the 'lwho she is' bit and 'who she is looking for' bit, all good so far although aiming a little high I think and then we got to the 'interests' section, hobbies, movies, reading, sport. We have fudged it because she doesn't do anything, never has and never will, but her house is very clean. So I guess if a guy is looking for a lady who can look okay and clean the house she is ideal and she is not the slightest bit independent so that may be a turn on as well. Also what worked when you were in your twenties to attract a guy is definitely not going to work when you are in your 50's, in fact it can look quite coarse and horrible and guys can be quite cruel in their comments at times. However, back to the dilemma [sp] of the pets and how to overcome that. Who do we start begging to now!
Posted by: iaminperth at April 26, 2009 10:56 PM
Hi All,
The thing is, if the guy REALLY has feeliungs for you, waiting is not a problem...he will not pressure you to do something with which you are uncomfortable.
Sex to most guys is just that...sex...nothing else. What is important to us is that we meet someone with whom we want to stay after that. Surprisingly, we do have genuine feelings, but they are not as Buddy would describe (you are not a "princess", you are special).
I have met plenty of gorgeous women in my life...did I want to have sex with them...absolutely....did I want to spend the rest of my life with them...no way Jose!!! I am sure there are plenty of women that would say the same about guys they met.
All I am say...and rather badly it would seem...is that if a woman feels pressured to have sex or feels that is something she needs to do to show her feeling; she is making a terrible mistake and they guy is not worth it.
Bob
Posted by: notafigjam at April 26, 2009 10:38 PM
Greeneyednikita,
As you can see, most are of the same opinion. Whilst some comments sound more like a romance novel, the responses are generally the same.
Here's a different view for you......ask him. Just in the way you have asked here, why not ask him. I appreciate it's a little difficult, but if he is a decent fellow the question will, probably, be appreciated as he's, probably, thinking the very same thing.
We all come across these challenging scenarios in our lives and, in my experience, communication is always the best solution. I'd say something like, "So, about sex in a new relationship; what's your take on this?" About 7 seconds and it's done.
Most just go with the flow....if the moment arises and it feels right; it just happens. However, as you seem to be, somewhat, concerned by this and are seeking answers; communicate, communicate, communicate is my suggestion.
Good luck with it.
Boyd.
Posted by: lafreek at April 26, 2009 10:13 PM
Posted by: greeneyednikita at April 26, 2009 2:01 AM
What can we say? You have no visible profile so we can only guess you aren't for real.
Posted by: woodnwine at April 26, 2009 9:22 PM
Posted by: notafigjam at April 26, 2009 12:46 AM
Hey Bob - speak for yourself. Oops, you did.
Posted by: woodnwine at April 26, 2009 9:20 PM
Maybe women do fall in love quicker than men...and maybe they just tell themselves that because they have sex with new men way too soon...before any sort of committment has been made on either side...It just seems to lead to serial dating/sexual dalliances that "may" lead to something more serious...and while I don't see an ethical problem with this, I do see an emotional one developing for women who get a little more attached than the male...oxytocin n all...I've waited this long, I'll wait till it is a little more serious...in fact before I go that "route" so to speak again...otherwise methinks I would be picking up the pieces on a regular basis...and who has the energy for that.
Posted by: istj54 at April 26, 2009 8:33 PM
Summer, I think that is one of the best profile names so far and your profile is really good and matches the name. I love the summer, dread the winter, especially in WA and i think your profile sort of says that it is summer all year around, encompassing attitude, demeanour, everything, very clever and absolutely good.
Posted by: iaminperth at April 26, 2009 7:43 PM
The woman who believed she was in love with a guy and he in love with her is supposed to say never mind I enjoyed the act and woops I misplaced my trust and what then skip into the woods with the fairies. Oh woopee I enjoyed the act. The poor woman didn;t want an act, she wanted the real thing and sounds like she was screwed over literally. Maybe he didn't ;'enjoy the act' and that's why he left and maybe he';s just a drop kick, who would know but the end result is she is back where she started. There is no time frame, just be sure it is what you both want and at least know each other well enough to believe there is going to be some longevitity in the relationship if that is what you are looking for. I mean after all you at least should know the other person well enough to ask if you are going to hop in the cot with them. And I believe it is true, for a guy when it's over it's over and it's time to go to sleep, all happy and content with no lovely dovey feelings at all. However, if it was good and happy and nice they will come back for more, and more and more.
Posted by: iaminperth at April 26, 2009 5:58 PM
Oh gosh, that's heavy stuff and I thought guys called women princess and such because they had forgotten their first name. We have a guy here in WA who laughs about calling all the women he meets on site Princess because after one drink he forgets their names. Seems a little odd to me to call a middle aged women who has probably had a couple of kids Princess, I thought that was more for little girls and their dads.
Posted by: iaminperth at April 26, 2009 5:27 PM
Bob et.al. I have to agree to disagree, however, Greenyenikia you could probably find the answer to your question below - as you discover how 'so many (men and women apparently) treat intimacy as just something they 'both wanted to do' no strings attached - 'shouldn't expect anything'. Sure if you just want sex for sex sake then fine. I didn't feel as though that was what you are hoping for Greenyenikia. I, for one, agree with Bud - wait until you know he loves you - but ... if you get it wrong, well then apparently you are NOT supposed to be upset but just remember that you obviously must have "equally enjoyed the act" and tell youself "woops I misplaced my trust" Then - better luck next time - for either you or your next potential partner.
Posted by: simplysummer at April 26, 2009 4:42 PM
Buddy, I like much of your post and agree in part to most I suppose. But certainly don't think many (read if any) men would wait a 'lifetime' to bed a woman.
A very romantic way you have written, but geez a bit heavy handed on the 'Princess' talk. eeeek!
I think most women would find that a bit insulting to be called Princess like that. My take I guess. Dont get me wrong here, I love pet names between couples, when a connection has been made. (But that then is totally different.) Though if a guy called me a princess I think I would clout him.
Jen
Posted by: jenniferhi at April 26, 2009 4:18 PM
hi jen i dont remember cold and windy; winter here is 19 to 29 degrees but wherever we are happy is all that matters; kaz you sound like you could use a good carpenter know any? timewarp i would like that and will let you know but its looking like gatton at the new prison site chad
Posted by: chad1958 at April 26, 2009 3:01 PM
Greeneyenikita,
Princess if your words are sincere and genuine, this is my reply and advice to you.
When should you take that man in your arms and make love to him�. When the time is right for you, not one moment, not one second before that time. Making Love is not about him, making love is all about you the woman. If you have to make love in order to keep a man then the man respects coition more than he respects you. When a person, male or female places another into that special category of their heart, coition becomes a secondary consideration, certainly a beautiful and wonderful way to say, �Hey you are so gorgeous, you are so special, so sensuous, sexy, passionate, beautiful and kind I cant get close enough to you, I want to be part of you, I want to fill the world in your image,� but only princess when the time is right for you. It will not only make it more special for you, it will make it more special for him also. When a man loves you and respects you, when he truly cherishes you and adores you, he would wait a lifetime just to touch the flesh of your hand and then cherish the moment for a lifetime.
Coition princess is all about the woman. Exploring and adoring the treasure man has been given, cherishing the moment of tender loving embrace, of trickling fingers of caressing and undressing of fairy kisses that excite and ignite which pleasures the treasures a woman has been given. Of looking deep into your partners eyes so filled with sparkle and surprise, to feel the flesh quiver and shake with anticipation of the great awakening to come. And when the time is right, the passion explodes and then the fireworks start to happen.
When is right time princess? When the time is right for you and not one second, one moment before this time. Always remember princess, you are special and gorgeous and you are worth waiting a lifetime for.
Posted by: buddy383 at April 26, 2009 1:29 PM
Hey Chad, Don't worry... us girls are still around and will be posting as are most of the regulars. Maybe not as much any more, but if you get bored you can read back over some of the old stuff. lol. Or come for a visit at the new place.
That transit lounge sounds good though. Would love to be whisked away to somewhere wonderful by a gorgeous guy. lol.
Hope the far north is treating you well.
Cold and windy today in the Yarra Valley. But lovin it!
Jen x
Posted by: jenniferhi at April 26, 2009 12:30 PM
SimplySummer et al,
I heard from a far away friend once that just like the differences of male and female physiology are the feelings of men and women after an intimate encounter. Explaining: although for a woman it touches deep inside her and stays with her for a while, for a man it's over the minute it's over.
It makes sense, food for thought. Or not.
Have a good day,
G
Posted by: girassol at April 26, 2009 9:50 AM
For those who dont know the Desiderata.
The Desiderata by:
Max Ehrmann
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Posted by: buddy383 at April 26, 2009 8:52 AM
I am sure there are men and there are women out there who use each other for sex. Go through the motions of loving and caring, get the sex and then run and move onto the next one. Sometimes life experience teaches a person to do this, they go into one relationship all serious and faithful, their partner is unfaithful to them so they become less trusting, more insecure within themselves that by the time they start their next relationship they just naturally expect their partner to cheat on them so get in before their partner does it to them again. Sort of, do unto others before they do unto you.
The world is full of troubled people. Men cause problems in women, Women cause problems in men, men cause problems for each other and women are not always women�s best friends. In this world of stereotypical hype, Men arent from Mars and Women arent from Venus, Men dont have boy germs and Women dont have girl germs. Men and Women are from planet earth and we both do the same things equally.
There is no such thing as what a woman wants and what a man wants. All people are different and wants and needs change. Not all people carry the same libido and not all people place the same emphasis on coition. There is somebody in this life for everybody, finding that special one can be hard, but worth the wait, time and effort if it is what you really want.
The words of The Desiderata sum it up the best:
Posted by: buddy383 at April 26, 2009 8:49 AM
I have a question. I met someone for the first time yesterday, it was different from the usual first date people on here have. We met in the early hours and went to a lookout in the mountains and watched the sunrise. We sat and talked for hours and I invited him home for a cuppa. Brave ... yes! ... silly... maybe, but I had a good feeling about him right from the start. Next we plan on sunset and a bottle of wine. I know he wants to take it slowly to test the waters first, which is fine by me. My question is .... how long should you date someone before you should sleep with them? I would appreciate input from a male and female perspective. I feel quite silly asking this but I am so out of touch with dating. When I met my ex I made him wait about 6 months, which I suppose in this day and age is too long. I really do like this guy and I don't want to blow it by too little too late or, too much too soon.
Posted by: greeneyednikita at April 26, 2009 2:01 AM
Chad: Think I remember you're at Cairns. Hope you can crack Mareeba - a hell of a way shorter to move than Gatton. But if Gatton, give me a yell - like to have a beer with you on the way home, next time work takes me to Toowoomba for the day.
Posted by: timewarp1 at April 26, 2009 1:32 AM
Hi Simplysummer,
What I am saying is that perhaps the trust is misplaced; or perhaps the idea is that once we do the deed...hes mine...guys dont think that way (well most dont anyway). The sexual act is the sexual act...it binds us to nothing unless we want to be bound.
I have no doubt that women place a high price on their bodies...as they should...but guys dont place the same value.
The reason I raised the point is that there are so many complaints about "I went the distance"...but dont we do that because we want to, and enjoy equally that act? OK, there are plenty of scumbags out there, but that is surely a case of misjudgement of the person on your part if you allow him to get to that stage of the 'relationship'
BOB
Posted by: notafigjam at April 26, 2009 12:46 AM
Is there really anything more to add? I don't think so.
Posted by: woodnwine at April 26, 2009 12:41 AM
Hi Kaz,
You are the Alpha female...and if any guy feels threatened by that?? The Melbourne girls are all great value...strong willed, opinionated (all gorgeous), and fantastic fun.
I would never try to gauge your taste in guys, but would venture to say that they neecd a pair...no wimps allowed. Having said that, minds like steel traps...hearts of gold!!
Bob
Posted by: notafigjam at April 26, 2009 12:36 AM
I can't quite understand the "I put out and he/she used me". Maybe the person is not using them, they just don't like what they are potentially getting themselves into. Maybe the whole conquest was more trouble than it was worth or maybe it all just got too hot and heavy too quickly. I would very much doubt that the intent would be to purposely use someone in the first place as that smacks of the other person being extremely gullible. And even the terminology of "I put out" has nothing to do really with a loving encounter. Maybe the encounter just didn't work for both parties, as I think if it did there would be a few return performances. And surely you should know the person a lot better before getting to that stage unless it is just for a casual encounter.
Posted by: iaminperth at April 25, 2009 8:15 PM
Chad l would be more excited if my new house was built.......But no, won't be ready for some time,so l am staying at my daughters whilst she is doing the London thing for 2 months, then will be there with her and her boyfriend til probably August.
Got my hands dirrrty at the tip today, my son and l did a few runs with his fully laden builders trailer....... So, will pick up moving truck tomorrow morning and away we go........
So l take it that my apology worked, then, hmmmm ??.............K
Posted by: auntykaz at April 25, 2009 6:06 PM
hi kaz yes packing is a pain ive done it a few times in the last 10yrs and i know a little bit about knee injuries ; they are not fun but moving to a new place is exciting for me anyway; i have to go to either gatton or mareeba for work but you get that ; hope yours goes well chad
Posted by: chad1958 at April 25, 2009 4:57 PM
Maybe I was 'late to class' and missed the 'first lecture' - however - talk about 'setting yourself up for a fall' - let me jump in here and say that it has been my experience that most women place a high value on their body - at 15 or 50. "A weapon?" Please! Perhaps if she "puts out" or "test runs" as the men here so elegantly termed it, it was because she thought enough of her partner - after a brief or lengthy time together - to trust him with her most valued possession - believing he would 'value' the intimacy too! You really expect her NOT to be upset when she then never hears from him again....?
Posted by: simplysummer at April 25, 2009 4:23 PM
Hi All,
I have just discovered RSVP Blog and am finding your opinions extremely interesting and relevant, thanks for sharing them!
G
Posted by: girassol at April 25, 2009 9:30 AM
Posted by: chad1958 at April 24, 2009 8:51 PM
Does that mean l get detention, Chad ??
100 lines on the blackboard.....
Sorry Chad l've been busy with a few other things, and am moving this weekend.
Packing l tell ya it is the pits.......I have been here nearly 13 years and cannot believe some of the stuff l have accumulated.
Have also had some trouble with my left knee requiring surgery and a complication (not so good when you have to pack whilst on crutches), lucky l have some great friends that have helped wonderfully.
VDU was one of them Bob, l had her here for a few days last week which was great.
There you go Chad......that has been me for the past month............No smacks, okay!.................K
Posted by: auntykaz at April 25, 2009 12:15 AM
Bob !!!
Gosh it has been a while since we have seen you here, what a sight for sore eyes you are (you get my drift, l know we can't see you).......
Hmmm, does that mean l like Alphas, Bob?
Or that l am the female equivalent......K
Posted by: auntykaz at April 25, 2009 12:06 AM
Hi All,
Nothing matters until both parties agree to the arrangements....never assume anything.
Over the while I have read many blogs that go basically "i put out and he used me and left"....hang on, are you into the sex or is it just a weapon to trap some guy?
And guys....needy and clingy; what a turnoff for any woman!! Grow a pair, thats what she wants...not some poor mommys boy...thers respect and theres desperate!!!
Anyway, having set myself up for a fall...some of you guys should meet women like Auntykaz...not for the fainthearted; but definitely great value!!
Bob
Posted by: notafigjam at April 24, 2009 9:50 PM
ah jen and kaz my two best blogger mates ; dont you know you need permission to leave and come back what do you think this is a transit lounge or something? ill need to sight a couple of apology posts before i can forgive you both ; bad girls chad
Posted by: chad1958 at April 24, 2009 8:51 PM
I think that is the problem with it all at times. Too many people seem to assume some kind of relationship or even ownership far too quickly and expect too much far too quickly. A date is a date, you go somewhere whatever and set a date to do so. That's it. Now if it turns to other dates and you both having feelings of spending more time together then it could progress to a relationship but like it or not, a date or a meeting is just that. The clingy stuff on a first meeting is the biggest turn off ever I think. I think it is the one time you really have to be careful of what you say because it can send the other person heading straight out the door. Keep it light and keep it simple I think.
Posted by: iaminperth at April 24, 2009 7:32 PM
Posted by: jenniferhi at April 22, 2009 10:41 AM
Gee Jen, did we need to get a leave pass or something ??
Best l get my mum to write me a note.......K
Posted by: auntykaz at April 24, 2009 7:10 PM
Of course it's not cheating, it's just checking out other suitable people as a prospective relationship. Enjoy all the varied company and don't be so squeamish and conservative. You shouldn't be too concerned either if you happen to be lucky enough to be sleeping with more than 1 person at a time - you are your own boss and don't let others discourage you from that. Go out there and play the field as much as you can until you find someone really special. (My age is 58 years)
Posted by: exmelbourne at April 24, 2009 6:55 PM
Thanks Kenny and Timewarp.
Kenny, whatever do you mean? lol. I can keep up (I think! lol.)
Timewarp, will send you the link.
Glad all going well for you.
Jen xx
Posted by: jenniferhi at April 24, 2009 12:57 PM
Happy belated birthday Jen. Glad you enjoyed it.
I've just realised how much I enjoyed reading this blog and contributing last night. It's been a while, and everyone is being so nice, whether or not they agree with one another. That makes it a good place to be.
But must go earn money now that I'm properly awake, because I used the last stamp out of my current book at midnight last night on someone I'd kissed earlier in the evening, before blogging.
And now I've just said "Yes, email please" to someone else who kissed me this morning from way down Byron way. That's half a tankful of petrol, each trip. Seeyez all some time.
Posted by: timewarp1 at April 24, 2009 10:50 AM
so many friends....so many sites...so little time....glad you had such a lovely day Jen xx
Posted by: benjaminbutton at April 24, 2009 9:26 AM
Hi all, and welcome back ERAL and Sydney and Brisbane Bobs.
I feel like an atomic submarine that's been submerged for months, just surfaced in port and declared shore leave for all hands. And what a good port this blog is!
I'd had my first quick look for weeks at one blog before Easter and posted briefly, and have just read this one through tonight, before I submerge again. So busy with work at present that I've gone back again to sleeping only 6 nights a week.
Installed another Vet's operating theatre horse hoist at Beaudesert 2 weeks ago, and now quoting one for the Gold Coast. And a progression of chandelier hoists between Brisbane and Port Lincoln, S.A..
So busy that I've even been neglecting my RSVP dating, and fallen far short of my 3-year average of above one first-date a week.
My thruppence worth on this topic:
1) Nothing ventured, nothing gained. When I signed on, I said "Show me your Brisbane femmes from 50 to 70, and living within 50km of Mt Gravatt" There were 886, and it took me a heavy 14-hour Saturday to skim their profiles and pick out the 300-odd who seemed suitable enough to be worth sending a kiss.
That's after I'd weeded out my personal turnoffs like smokers, pet-haters, admitted heavy drinkers, potential mirror-breakers and beanstalks.
As to the 300 who went into my "favourites" that day and 150 more since, how would I know if we'd click or not, without meeting them? So I got busy with sending kisses.
2. The first meeting is only that. I aim only to spend several enjoyable hours with someone new, talking our heads off, and at the end, to decide together whether we'd both like to meet again.
3. Same with the second meeting - did we both enjoy it, and do we want to meet again?
4. And so on. I've found that the women who are in the biggest hurry to get back to the big O will manouvre you into agreeing to a test-drive by date 3 or 4, after asking you bluntly on date 2 whether it all still works (I'm 73)
5. I agree that the signal to stop pursuing others for romantic purposes is when you've both enjoyed the initial road test, and decided to line up for some more, just to make sure.
6. And I agree with others below that dating more than one at once can be a bit demanding. I remember one week in 2007 when they all said yes please, send an email (usually only get one taker from each batch of 3 kisses), and then they all wanted to meet me asap.
So I had 4 first dates in one week. At the end of it, I couldn't even remember the names and ages of each one's grandchildren, so I had to take all the next week off from dating to rest my head.
7. And yes - the most important thing of all is for you both to be open and honest about what you hope to achieve from RSVP (or any other dating mechanism.)
If your goals aren't the same or at least congruent, forget it and say Next!!
Look, it's midnight. Time to choose getting back to chasing $$ or sarting snoring. Seeyez.
PS: Yes, the grass is green everywhere, but I haven't been THERE for a month or so, because I've mislaid my key. Somebody please tell them.
Posted by: timewarp1 at April 24, 2009 12:05 AM
Thanks Glitter and Chad. I have had a lovely day. And feel very grateful for having so many gorgeous RSVP friends.
Jen xxx
Posted by: jenniferhi at April 23, 2009 9:35 PM
hi jen have a very happy bithday from your old mate chad;
Posted by: chad1958 at April 23, 2009 5:45 PM
On-topic: it's called "dating" for a reason and not "relationship". If you both haven't discussed the commitment level, boundaries with the person and both agreed you are an exclusive item (both sexually and emotionally), then I don't see why you have to cut off all your options. I don't mean that in the spirit of nasty, underhanded, cheating intention, but really, I mean if people want to commit to each other then they will, but until that time, It's "rabbit season" in terms of your options. I think the Americans view dating like that as normal and not like we do.
Of course life is not that clear cut, and there are grey areas, and it certainly depends upon your respective ages and what you are looking for.
If you are not up front, then you set up a potential situation for "game playing" and that could very well backfire on you, if you are the one "double-dipping" in dating terms not literally.
Having said that, on the one hand (above) but on the other hand, I think I would be hurt though if I was investing time in one person to find out they were investing in many people - not nice and not a very "special" feeling. I would probably be outta there fairly quickly. Not that I had a right to "ownership" of that person in the early days/months, just my freedom of choice to stay and risk it or leave and protect my emotional health . . .
mmm. . . .interesting. Guess it comes down to being up front with your expectations, intentions, actions and communication.
I'm not all that experienced in dating anyway, so I wouldn't really have a clue. Plus my concentration isn't up to dating several people at the one time - sounds like hard work.
Posted by: glitteringblue at April 23, 2009 12:19 AM
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JENNIFERHI (for Thursday 23rd).
I hope all your dreams and wishes come true. And I'm sure they will!
Lotsa Love,
Glitter xo
Posted by: glitteringblue at April 23, 2009 12:05 AM
Surely dating means you make a date to do something socially. I can't see that it has anything to do with being in a relationship with someone so can't see how it could be considered to be cheating. I mean you could be in a relationship with someone and go on a date with someone else. I think so long as you are open and honest with all parties and everyone's happy and in agreeance there is no cheating. Too many people seem to think they own the other person I think and want and demand every minute of their attention.
Posted by: iaminperth at April 22, 2009 10:17 PM
Posted by gomezaddams at April 22, 2009 3:46 PM
" Reading the profiles on RSVP it amazes me how many singles over 40 cannot differentiate between romance, love, sex and infatuation. "
Hmmmm. you definitely must read a lot more into profiles than most people I think gomez.
I can't see how you can glean knowledge of women in that regard from profiles here. I would say most profiles both men and womens certainly are not explicit in sharing of information in that regard. Ok, some are for sure, but not the majority.
It's the getting to know someone after initial attraction where that comes into play I would think.
I do like your posts. Very thought provoking and interesting.
Jen
Posted by: jenniferhi at April 22, 2009 8:58 PM
Good evening all . I know many young people in the 25 to 40 age group and I asked them them what they thought "dating"means . They all said "dating" was a casual meeting with no strings attached ,no expectations,no exclusivity and sex was ok even while they were "dating" others . BUT all stated if they were in a "relationship"sex with others was a no no . Seems to me the older we get the higher our moral standards and maybe even our insecurities .
Posted by: mrcheekyone at April 22, 2009 8:43 PM
Hi All,
OK Gomez, you probably have a point; I gues it comes down to your interpretation of the word "dating". To me, a date is an outing between two people with "no expectations, no obligations, no strings attached"....it is a date simply because you are meeting someone one on one. Obviously, if your interpretation of dating is a prelude to something more in the future, then there are expectations, and perhaps some strings attached.
I have been honest on my profile and stated that I see dating as an outing, with no expectations. I have no problem taking a woman for drinks or a meal just to get to meet someone with whom I might develop a friendship only...I actually prefer that to the thought of feeling I have to impress her just in case she is "the one"
Hi Goodie64,
I think that you and I would get along famously
Bob
Bob
Posted by: notafigjam at April 22, 2009 7:05 PM
Posted by: jenniferhi at April 22, 2009 10:41 AM...very true Jen, most are still here too...grass is green everywhere...
Posted by: istj54 at April 22, 2009 5:56 PM
....manda, I think promiscuous will do:))
Posted by: istj54 at April 22, 2009 5:55 PM
I've said my piece on this but I can't resist commenting on gomez's comments:
" If you have to date more that one partner at any one time then there is something psychologically wrong with you.
There is one certainty in the dating game. Cheating on your partner is like a returning boomerang."
but goodie has it right:
"It's not cheating, it's dating unless you have agreed to be exclusive"
"Have to" date? Psychologically wrong? Are you serious??
It's not a matter of "having" to date anyone, it's choosing to get to know more than one person, just happens to be at the same time.
Dating doesn't necessarily mean exclusivity, so how is it cheating? You can't cheat if you aren't committed. If the other person thinks you are committed and you email or date other people while in a relationship then yes you are cheating, and yes that sucks, I've been on the wrong end of that myself.
But if you haven't made a commitment yet then there is nothing to cheat on!! Don't assume dating means commitment for everyone - it doesn't. Don't assume people who are lucky enough to have more than one friend of the opposite sex are psychopaths either.
And what the hell does your interpretation of female anatomy and biology have to do with this blog?????
Posted by: journey2407 at April 22, 2009 5:35 PM
"Is that cheating? Should dating be exclusive?"
I think the question is not should dating be exclusive but when does dating/seeing someone become exclusive. Because until such time as there is exclusiveness (?), it is not cheating to go out with others.
I say this assuming that the dating/going out with etc has not included sex. In my view if you are including sex in all these dates then you are just being promiscuous ...there are names for people who do that...but then, that is a whole other topic.
Posted by: aquamanda56 at April 22, 2009 4:48 PM
All people possess the same attributes. The only difference is how you apply them in your life. If you have to date more that one partner at any one time then there is something psychologically wrong with you.
There is one certainty in the dating game. Cheating on your partner is like a returning boomerang. Eventually it will return and hit you in the groin when you least expect it. The end result is you may have lost the only real love of your life and in your lifetime you may never meet another partner with those attributes.
There are a lot of single women who are monogamous and celibate between relationships. They are definitely not a one night stand and probably will not have sex with a new partner for weeks or maybe months.
A woman can smell when a man has had sex with another woman. It does not matter how much you spend in the shower and mask it with body deodorant, that residual will be in a man’s skin pores for up to 24 hours. So guys if you cheat on your partner she will know it.
If your intuition cannot determine whether your date is for you on your first date and worth pursuing farther then it is best to let that date go and stay on friendly terms instead of creating emotional animosity.
What differentiates a successful relationship from a failure is attitude. Reading the profiles on RSVP it amazes me how many singles over 40 cannot differentiate between romance, love, sex and infatuation.
Sex is a biological reproductive drive. It is also an excess hormone relief valve. Once the deed is completed and body equilibrium is established the brain starts to function rationally.
If a man dates with loaded rocks or a woman with the hormonal reproductive drive then rationality in dating will not eventuate. You are both occupied in relieving the primitive biological sex drive.
A hooker has total control of her vagina because time is money. The faster she can get a man to ejaculate the more money she makes. Hookers are taught the tricks of the trade by the madam.
The average female does not possess quickie control. In lovemaking what differentiates women is the power of the woman to prolong orgasm. A woman with good muscular and emotional control can bring herself close to orgasm and back off, sustaining the equilibrium for hours. The end result is a more fulfilling orgasm for both partners.
Romance is a Hollywood myth.
True love you will know when it hits you in the head like a house brick.
Infatuation is the raw sexual attraction expressed in Hollywood dramas under the disguise of love.
Bottom line: If you cannot be honest with your partner, you will never maintain a genuine fulfilling relationship. You will go through life like a ship on the high seas that has lost its rudder. Totally out of control and a loss of direction.
Posted by: gomezaddams at April 22, 2009 3:46 PM
Lonesome - sorry mate, I don't follow. Which comment of mine were you referring to?
Posted by: woodnwine at April 22, 2009 2:43 PM
All fairness to you on your comment, woodnwine, but I maybe in a slightly different situation than most, I have a young child to consider as well. Everytime I get hurt the child feels it a lot more, put yourself in my shoes, would you not want to protect a young child from hurt and seeing dad upset? Considering all they went through when mother walked away and left and has not been back? Like I said it seems to be a lot worse for a guy to see more than one lady, but a totally different set of rules for the reverse when it comes to ladies.
Posted by: lonesomeloser at April 22, 2009 12:42 PM
Posted by: iaminperth at April 20, 2009 11:20 PM
"Isn't it funny, all the people who left indignantly to participate and voice their angst on the grass is greener are now all dwindling back again, one by one. Oh aint love grand !!!"
Really? All the people? Funny, to me most still seem to be posting here as well and have continued to do so. Only really a couple who are not.
Jen
Posted by: jenniferhi at April 22, 2009 10:41 AM
It's not cheating, it's dating unless you have agreed to be exclusive
Posted by: goodie64 at April 21, 2009 9:48 PM
So Willow, Are you saying that we need to ask to see a persons Totem before commiting to anything serious. Oh, the mind boggles at that one, but I do get the drift. Very funny, but it does make sense doesn't it. I mean if people go out randomly and breed, how do they know they are not breeding with a blood relative. And is breeding with a half brother or sister dangerous and could cause inbreeding defects. We need Marcus back to answer that one I think.
Posted by: iaminperth at April 21, 2009 9:19 PM
As stated by Xfactor, I believe honesty is the key with all dating and relationship matters. If it were me, I'd be sure that my "dates" knew that I viewed this not as a date; but a get-to-know-you kinda thing; I would avoid the word "date". Now here's the thing. As honest, open and as clear as I had made this point, in the past - and ensured it was clearly understood, most women I came across found it difficult to deal with; sounded simple enough at the time but, in all cases, turned to crap. Let's be honest; if we do have a get-to-know-you meeting and we really like the person; we're gonna pursue it. We're gonna think about the person, wonder why he/she hasn't called and be greatly offended if we discover that this person is seeing others; even though we agreed it would be cool. It's cool.....unless we really like the person; then the initial agreement is out the window. So, whilst the practical side of me can see no harm in, openly, "dating" more than one person at a time; the wonderfully, amazing emotional beings we are, I believe, will always feel hurt and cheated if we really like the person. If we do date more than one at a time and we liked date 2 the most; but didn't realise this until date 4, by the time we get back to date 2, who is so hurt by the fact that we're dating others, we may never have another chance with date 2......and date 2 could have been "the one". Best to date one at a time methinks.
Posted by: lafreek at April 21, 2009 8:54 PM
re: swahiji at April 18, 2009 5:00 PM
I see your point better now
Posted by: tesla1 at April 21, 2009 8:20 PM
Personally I don't think it is cheating in the pure sense, bit more like hedging your bets as you get to find out and understand each of these persons. As long as you are honest with yourself, i.e sleep at nite. And, importantly, when you determine who the right person is, then simply stop contact with the unlucky person, and if need be explain why. You might want to consider being open to each of the suitors, let them know the state of play and they can decide if they want to pursue the relationship further because you have been totally honest. At the end of the day dating is not an exact science and has a high degree of pot luck.
Happy hunting.
Posted by: xfactoruandmexox at April 21, 2009 6:46 PM
Hi Perth,
I work in a within a team of people who are pretty much all under 30; and not one of them ever seems to socialise with anyone else but their own family....needless to say, I am not very used to this.
I think that it is just a social thing that the younger generations they do go out and socialise see very few of our generation frequenting their haunts...so they assume. To me,I think all that these people that state "act younger than my years" are trying to do is say "I haven't given up having fun".
Unknownauthor,
I think that it is always hard to date more than one person at a time; especially if you are both hoping that this is the one. Me, I am just good with going out and seeing if there are females with generally the same view. I think the worst part about this type of dating is the pressure we each feel in meeting someone because so many people are just in an all fired hurry to meet the one and only....I think its also the reason for so much disappointment.
Bob
Posted by: notafigjam at April 21, 2009 5:35 PM
Perth @ 9.53am - maybe that's why many tribes give their children a totem. There are strict prohibition on marrying someone with the same totem.
Posted by: willow29 at April 21, 2009 3:46 PM
i have tried to date more than one at a time and it has never worked, its wasnt the cheating thing cos there was no sex involved. but it was hard work.
now I am a one woman man. On that note tho i do have a couple of female friends that i go out with for dinner etc, and its fun.
(still looking for the one tho)
Posted by: unknownauthor at April 21, 2009 3:24 PM
Some people say the most ridiculous things at times and it's a huge turn off. I mean who do they think they are talking to, a half wit or something.
Posted by: iaminperth at April 20, 2009 10:49 PM
Isn't it funny, all the people who left indignantly to participate and voice their angst on the grass is greener are now all dwindling back again, one by one. Oh aint love grand !!!
Posted by: iaminperth at April 20, 2009 11:20 PM
I seem to recall your leaving in a similar fashion, so i guess your referring to yourself ?
Posted by: auntiechrist at April 21, 2009 10:20 AM
You have to wonder how many children of cheating parents are going to meet innocently further on in their lives and perhaps form a partnership and have children of their own. How will kids know who fathered them if they are not told and you could have half brothers and sisters marrying. I wonder if that could product congenital defects along the way sometimes. I think that's all a little worrying.
Posted by: iaminperth at April 21, 2009 9:53 AM
I agree Fig, but I live with teenagers and work full time and whose years are we talking about. I agree with everything you are saying but who made the rules of how you act when you are a certain age. I know 30 year olds who are boring old farts and I know 80 year olds who never sit still. So, who decides how you should 'act' and why act anyway. I find so many people tedious, I work with girls in their 20's and they are so boring, moaning and wining and not planning what they are going to do in spare time. I am looking forward to retiring and I have so many plans as I will be 'free' but to find someone around my age who is like minded is virtually impossible I think and I am quite resigned to spending the rest of my life on my own. I have no patience with old slobs, which is not a particularly nice trait of mine I know, but at least I am honest.
Posted by: iaminperth at April 21, 2009 9:48 AM
I agree figjam. I've met women much younger than myself and they were in some cases much older than their years would suggest and of course I've met older women who are young and vibrant in their spirit.
Posted by: woodnwine at April 21, 2009 9:45 AM
Hi Perth,
I think that "act younger than my years" can have value, especially at our ages. There are people of all ages who are stodgy old farts..they wouldn't know a good time if it jumped up and bit them on the arse. All they want to do is stay at home or go to the club and play poker machines etc; and the idea of spending some money on their partners...heaven forbid!!
I consider myself to be "younger than my years" because a very large proportion of my friends are in their 20s and 30s, and I have no problem fitting in with them or their friends; and am up to go out anywhere and always ensure I participate.
I think what you have described below is exactly why people say "younger than my years" its saying "I am happt to do things and not a stick-in-the-mud!
Posted by: notafigjam at April 20, 2009 11:53 PM
Isn't it funny, all the people who left indignantly to participate and voice their angst on the grass is greener are now all dwindling back again, one by one. Oh aint love grand !!!
Posted by: iaminperth at April 20, 2009 11:20 PM
I can't really think when the subject of age comes up. Oh Hello, how are you? and by the way How old are you ? Yes, the traffics really bad today, probably because it's pouring with rain, and by the way How old are you? When are people asking each other how old they are. What grade are you in at work, oh yes, that must be good for your age, how old are you ? I don't think I have ever asked anyone. The 'old' guy down the road from me celebrated his 80th birthday a couple of weeks ago and it said on his card, landmark 80th. Straight afterwards he and his wife jetted off to Ireland to tromp around and then they thought they would visit France and drop into Beirut on the way back to Aust. to visit a guy he went thru med school with. I suppose his age is really interesting because they are both extremely intresting people but apart from landmarks and this site when would you ask.
Posted by: iaminperth at April 20, 2009 11:17 PM
Its absolutely ridiculous isn't it, look and act younger - whatever does that mean ? And who is asking anyone to act and what is the benchmark. Some people say the most ridiculous things at times and it's a huge turn off. I mean who do they think they are talking to, a half wit or something. A lot of the guys around my age are too tired and too boring to tie their own shoelaces let alone anything else. The snoring in the chair, the groaning when they stand up and if you suggest anything spur of the moment, the shock horror and confusion. "What now - I didn't know you wanted to go out" . The wingeing if they have a job and need to buy a few groceries, it goes on and on. I saw a guy for a few months and every morning I still took my dog for a walk on my own, still did the groceries, the cooking and the cleaning and held a full time job. He was tired though because he worked so hard. It didn't last for long. He was fast asleep on my white couch in the lounge room when i got home one day and I opened the door and just said 'out'. He still moans to everyone who listens and can't understand wny I was so mean.
Posted by: iaminperth at April 20, 2009 10:49 PM
Hey Bob, I think so many people are saying on RSVP that they look younger than their years, that everyone has now become suspicious. I mean there cant be that many young looking people in 1 place can there??
I am 46 this year, most people pick me as late 30s but theres no way I'm putting that on my profile - no-one would believe me :-)
Gaby
Posted by: zerofear at April 20, 2009 9:07 PM
Posted by: tigerroseforyou at April 20, 2009 7:04 PM
In risk of repeating myself , may i suggest that situation still bears my previous question - what exactly is the kind of relationship you are actually looking for?
Those of you wanting it all, please 'keep it real' !
Even after a few dates, the chances of making an accurate prediction of a persons future behavior and character is still very flimsy at best.
Especially if the whole process is reduced to a popularity contest .
( Ohh dear... the problems much worse than i thought;and rather explains why we get such dodgy politicians)
Just because a person if fun to be around, or stirs your honey pot, does not necessarily mean they are the right person .
for your type !
What if , who you were really looking for, was a husband/wife type; someone who would be committed to remaining a faithful long term companion to you ?
That type of person may well have been the other one - the one you had dumped; primarily because they didn't move your emotions as rapidly as your friendly/lover; who in turn will probably move you on, once they realise that you wish you change them into someone else).
IMAO - there is a very good reason that bigamy only applies to marriages.
You can simultaneously date as many as you like so that you an d society don't suffer needlessly messy divorces and single parents.
Now so far it all abit of a joke - but i think it becomes more serious when you have children already in your care. Their next father/mother, should you wish to find them, need much more careful selection than what your own likings or wantings of them might be
.
With that in mind, i'de recommend you should probably keep your options open, for as long as possible too.
ERAL
Posted by: auntiechrist at April 20, 2009 8:35 PM
Hi Jewls,
See you are back too....shit happens eh?!!
I have no problem if I meet a woman and she is seeing other guys...I haven't signed her up to any agreement, as she hasn't signed mee up. So long as you are up front about your intention on your profile and at any meeting....the other person can choose if they want to keep seeing you under those circumstances. I would hate to think that someone whom I had met who had become a friend would feel that they had to ditch me because they met someone with whom they had decided to take the next step in that relationship.
Bob
Posted by: notafigjam at April 20, 2009 7:43 PM
Hi Woody,
I like the comment "look younger than my years". Thats a very personal thing to judge...I am 54 this year, but have no idea how a 54 year old guy is supposed to look.
To me, better off saying nothing, let the other person decide (I have seen some 50+ women on here that look 50+....but they are stll good looking women).
Bob
Posted by: notafigjam at April 20, 2009 7:22 PM
my spin on this...seeing 2 guys at the same time...WHILE you are getting to know them is OK....usually you will know by the 3rd or 4th date which one you would want to take things further with.
Once you decide to take things to a more intimate level, you need to tell one person, that you are no longer going to be seeing them.
Now this is not 2 timing, we are on a dating site, peoples profiles are often nothing like them in real life, so you need to do a couple of dates, if you think you like someone, to see if there will be something more long term for you both.
just my experience...jewels
Posted by: tigerroseforyou at April 20, 2009 7:04 PM
hey figjam - I think it's interesting when you see people on here then some time later see them again and they've miraculously become younger. Wow ..... amazing!
Posted by: woodnwine at April 20, 2009 11:24 AM
Posted by: lonesomeloser at April 18, 2009 11:35 PM
Hey lonesome - I often click on people's profiles when I see them blogging and can I say with respect that your's comes accross as very negative. You might be a great person but I know if I was a woman I wouldn't contact you because of the negativity in your profile. I mean this constructively and I know ...... you didn't ask. Cheers.
Posted by: woodnwine at April 20, 2009 9:09 AM
Very nice comment notafigjam, I agree with you
Posted by: guardianangel8 at April 19, 2009 11:44 PM
notafigjam: Bravo !! you've hit the nail on the head . Couldn't agree more
Posted by: mrcheekyone at April 19, 2009 10:19 PM
Hi All,
I get the impression from some of the recent posts that there is a problem...and to me that is perceptions. The problem with life and people is that not everyone agrees or conforms to what we, as individuals, might see as right or wrong.
In life, we can only set rules for ourselves to follow; we cany impose them on others. Our only choice in life is to stick to our own set of rules for ourselves and, if we are attracted to another, we should not expect them to comply with our rules. If we cant live with that, we let that person go, no matter how difficult that may seem.
I think that on RSVP there is too much "this is what I want, so this is what you should be"...OK, the women are all bitches and rthe guys are all bastards....so why is that, because they dont comply to our expectations? The fact is people are people, regardless of anything else, and they therefore have there own set of values by which they live...this just makes them different and, if we cant accept those differences, then we will be sad and lonely people all of our lives.
Posted by: notafigjam at April 19, 2009 5:44 PM
I think it pays to be try to be the best at what your best at. Take your pick....
Posted by: auntiechrist at April 19, 2009 1:56 AM
Now I'm confused - I'm great at all of it so how can I choose just one? :-)
sigh - being the perfect catch is such a burden.....
Posted by: journey2407 at April 19, 2009 3:10 PM
Birds of feather flock together and if not there is always a squawk and feathers will fly until it settles back down.
Posted by: buddy383 at April 19, 2009 10:24 AM
Exactly my point !
Viva la difference.
Posted by: auntiechrist at April 19, 2009 3:07 PM
Dating is a two way street, it provides for two sets of perceptions (ideals, values, opinions, beliefs) and two sets of emotional balance. The line drawn in the sand isn�t in the same place for everybody.
Is it cheating to go out on a date with two or more people concurrently? Should dating be exclusive?
Like most things in life this depends on the individual�s perception of what dating is and how they perceive it. The typical value set in life from school crushes and puppy love to full blown marriage and commitment is that going steady comes with a value of commitment to each other. The argument value this can leave is, is dating going steady or a higher perceived value? What constitutes going steady, a commitment to an initial date, acceptance of a second or consequent date, or sitting down and discussing the matter with an offer and an acceptance?
For most part relationships aren�t discussed, they just evolve in a continuing process as emotions blend and mould or through a path of habit. Based on personal perception, assumptions are then concluded, accepted and expected by the owner of the assumptions made and concluded. The trouble is with relationships which aren�t discussed, the assumptions and conclusions jumped to may not hold the same value in all parties, albeit will be assumed so.
I would conclude;
If a person has the slightest inkling that seeing two people concurrently is cheating, then it most probably is.
If a person is not open and honest with all parties involved, then it is definitely cheating, not to mention deceitful and uncaring.
If something has to be hidden, this immediately says there is a problem in it.
If a person needs or wants to see other people, it should tell them something pertaining to their current relationship, about themselves and about the initial partner.
All people in life have a choice with how they spend their personal time, who they see and what they do with the resources available to them. The choice selected will tell where a persons heart lies and what they believe is the most important at the time.
Nothing in this life within reason and compliance with the laws of the day is wrong or bad. Many people though extend the laws of the day to include their own values, morals and ethics. Respect will now come into play, who a person respects more, the self, another, a select few or hold all in equal respect for all will answer the question pertaining to morals, values and ethics. Birds of feather flock together and if not there is always a squawk and feathers will fly until it settles back down.
Posted by: buddy383 at April 19, 2009 10:24 AM
Posted by: guardianangel8 at April 18, 2009 7:30 PM
"...true friend and lover, if you have the above wouldn't the things you expect from a husband or wife follow on naturally eventually..."
Not supported by my experience. A Jack/ Jill of all trades is usually a master of none !
A great friend doesn't mean they have the skill set to become a great provider, or that they will forsake all other, nor leave you at some time in the future.
Great lovers often have a wandering eye.
Great parent figures are often too exhausted ( from caring for and cleaning up after the tots, or from earning their security) to be great lovers .
Great spouses are not necessarily great parents. They might never cheat or leave you - but aren't great provider of 'security or support' or particularly great lovers...
I know love is about compromises - but as people change - and times change so often , being a generalist may just end up being your fast track to mediocrity.
How many women on RSVP started out as lovers, who became wives (or mothers depending on circumstances), hopefully became "wonderful" mothers, then declined to become average wives and eventually frustrated almost non-existent lovers?
Any hands up ?
I think it pays to be try to be the best at what your best at. Take your pick - and then try to find a matching number .
Those are your best odds ..imao.
Good luck indeed.
Posted by: auntiechrist at April 19, 2009 1:56 AM
I know there is a "lady" on here who has been shuffling the deck chairs pretty smartly, seeing more than one person on the same day. She says she is honest and upfront, just forgets it when deck chairs are on the move, Like the time she had one at her place and was talking to next one as well, when queried about who "John" was, she passed him off as friends young son. Only thing was her children let it slip the name was not the son's. Another time she was seen leaving a coffee shop with a different person, but that was explained as a family friend with another name, except one who seen them lived around the corner from him. But then they were wrong, after all she never lies, just everyone else does. And the guys get a bad name if they do anything like this, but it seems to be ok for a woman to do it, and not worry who gets hurt along the way.
Posted by: lonesomeloser at April 18, 2009 11:35 PM
sorry iaminperth i have been told i need to use full stops and commas, sometimes i just get into a spin when i write and i dont tend to use my them lol i will try my best to use them and make my writing more understandable,
and journey 2407 thank you for the out look on what dating is, i have never been on a date before so i didnt know what it is was really like as i only got into relationships and learnt the hard way with rushing things.
with the whole wanting to be friends with a man before we go into a relationship is basically my way of getting to know the person and we all say that we not only want a lover out of our partner but we also want a friend so what can be more better than being friends with your partner.
have a nice night all.
kara
Posted by: crazysinglemumi24 at April 18, 2009 9:16 PM
I think the trick is to assess your level of emotional commitment on an ongoing basis. Dont involve the kids at all until you are sure that your level of commitment warrants the introduction. This alllows you to get to know the person without involving anyone else.
Too many people see that white picket fence and lose all sense of caution.
Gaby
Posted by: zerofear at April 18, 2009 8:35 PM
If I had to make a short list from the four then I would choose true friend and lover, if you have the above wouldn't the things you expect from a husband or wife follow on naturally eventually,call me a romantic fool if you like and I don't expect anyone to take on my ex' role as a father more a friend.
You are right about honesty you know, not everyone is honest,
oh well I'll keep praying for rain anyway!!!!!!!
Posted by: guardianangel8 at April 18, 2009 7:30 PM
Posted by: notafigjam at April 18, 2009 11:13 AM
That was virtually the gist of the post by Tassie I mentioned notafigjam. It makes a lot of sense.
Oh, and welcome back to blogging. Nice to see you back.
Cheers,
Jen
Posted by: jenniferhi at April 18, 2009 6:57 PM
Posted by: sowabisabi at April 18, 2009 5:00 PM
That is one fantastic post. You have wonderful insight on things. Do hope you keep writing.
Jen
Posted by: jenniferhi at April 18, 2009 6:49 PM
If i was make a short list of the 4 then true friend and lover would be my choice, you don't need to be a husband or wife to promise to love & honour someone, call me a bit of a romantic fool if you like.
Your right you know, honesty may noy come easily to some people but ill keep praying for rain!!!!!!!
Posted by: guardianangel8 at April 18, 2009 6:17 PM
Posted by: auntiechrist at April 18, 2009 3:24 PM
Please pardon the grammar,punctuation and dropped wording of that last paragraph - goodness me ( now where did i put them ?) Typically distracted moment ... *winks.
Posted by: guardianangel8 at April 18, 2009 4:32 P
GA8,
May i ask then which type/breed you think excel at, and are you looking for the same type of person?
As for 'honesty', kind of like praying for it to rain in the desert. It does happen...but...
Posted by: auntiechrist at April 18, 2009 5:55 PM
Journey2407, look for whoever you feel will make you happy and vice versa, it's up to you at the end of the day, I hope you find the woman you are looking for.
Posted by: guardianangel8 at April 18, 2009 5:48 PM
Hi All,
Again I agree with Guardianangel8; at my age I am not looking to be father to anyone's kids; they already have one. I certainly am not looking to be a husband....marriage isn't even on my radar. Lover; maybe, but I would like to think that I would be a bit more than that.
Overall, I think I want to spend time with someone with whom I like talking and have a connection at many levels...they may not exist because of my own shortcomings, but I will give it a try anyway.
I am always myself regardless of whom I meet because I dont want to be anyone else and am happy in my own skin...warts and all.
People can cheat on you; but you are the only one that can cheat yourself; and I think that happens far more than most of us would like to admit...its easier to blame someone else for our own shortcomings of judgment
Posted by: notafigjam at April 18, 2009 5:36 PM
auntiechrist, I guess the focus on players is referring to the original blog topic, but you are right it is a very complex environment we are in.
guardianangel - so I am wasting my time looking for a woman who can be a great friend and lover, faithful and loyal, and (while I don't need a mother for my kids, they already have one), someone who can get along with them and them with her?
I refuse to accept that just yet. I thought I had found someone very close to it recently, and while that didn't work out it reassured me that it is possible.
So I want it all..... I'm going to remain positive and believe I can find it. I know I can offer it to the right woman in return.
Posted by: journey2407 at April 18, 2009 5:07 PM
Am starting to think that the problem is how people see rsvp dating...like it's somehow any different to dating in the 'real' world.
People seem to be giving away far too much of themselves before they really know who they're dealing with. Whether it's months of emails before meeting or instant dinner dates, why is that people think the same rules don't apply?
If you met someone outside of rsvp, how would you work out if they were just playing the field?...why aren't you doing that with these dates?
I will grant you, there is a frenzy that can be created by being on here, that doesn't happen elsewhere....guys seem especially prone, where they're like kids in candy stores....but it's not hard to pick it...unless your eyes are closed!
Which brings me back to my earlier point...it's up to us to manage our own experiences. If someone starts behaving differently after a month or two, time to pull them up and re-evaluate, maybe you need to call it off....it's not like you have no choice in the matter.....if you continue to date someone that is clearly not satisfying your needs, then you should be questioning your choices, not calling them players...they're being pretty clear about their intentions...
Posted by: sowabisabi at April 18, 2009 5:00 PM
auntiechrist, I agree that it would be nice to have the three qualities you mentioned, but sadly it isnt true and wouldn't life be boring if we were all the same anyway, I disagree that people try to be what you want them to be till you get to know them better, I have met some people who make no effort to be anything other than who they are, which is the way it should be anyway, pretending to be something your not isn't all that honest to start off with, is that anyway to start a friendship or a relationship? I don't think so, for example I am a very independant person. sometimes too independant for my own good, such as doing everything myself, (no I am not a control freak) if I found someone who wanted to help me out a lot or spend a lot of time with me I would have to make some major adjustments to accept that, but I would do it willingly for the right person of course but would not hide this minor fault from them, I'm a bit of a believer in chemistry, if you find someone you want to be with, then you can make allowances for each others faults, from what I have read today there seems to be a few people who have dealt with players (how ever you interpret the definiton of a player is up to you) well it's time to move on and forget about them, life is full of lessons and you've learnt another one, so smile and get on with life and leave the negative experiences behind, the one good thing you can take out of the experience is that you know what to look for in the future and hopefully will avoid another player in the future, Good luck
Posted by: guardianangel8 at April 18, 2009 4:32 PM
With due respect to all, i'de like to suggest that the simple analogy of "Players and playees (and spectators ?)" doesn't do justice to the complex realities of prospective dating.
My own experience suggests thats there are at least four types of relationships on offer/demand.(kind of like 'breeds' that have their own set of talents and uses)
These are;
1. Father/Mother of our children ( a person who is a marvelous provider of security etc)
2. Husband/ Wife ( a person who has promised to never leave you, and forsakes all others)
3. Lover ( a person who's passion inflames your thoughts, dreams and deeds)
&. True Friend ( a person one who likes you unconditionally)
I suggest many of us here, if honest with themselves, are really trying to find (and be) 'one' of the three.
Knowing which one it is you are really offering/looking for, is the key to a healthy longterm relationship.
Many people will pretend /adapt their behavior in order to appear to be more like what they think the other is looking for; often not because of some deceitful purpose, but rather, in order to allow their relationship time enough to develop to the point where it can be better determine whether the 'other', really has the qualities that they are really looking for . (As we may not have been aware of our own needs,or those of the others own; this process can take most some weeks, months,and even years to determine...and that adds to the eventual disappointment when you discover they aren't/can't be, what you wanted)
These hybrid scenarios are where the complexity of relationships present really themselves.
A man/woman may be a wonderful lover, but a average father/mother, and below average husband/wife...and visa versa.
A person is a sum of there parts-
X% Lover
Y% Husband/Wife
Z% Father/Mother
---
XYZ ????/???
Are we right to feel cheated by the other, when want then to either be all things to us, or better at the one type thatwe really want from them; especially those of you who are looking for the 'holy grail' , the One... when we,or they eventually discover that the other really isn't the what they had really wanted for themselves?
Has it not honestly just been a matter of us, either not being aware of what it was we really wanted, and are now just expressing sour grapes when we don't get it given to us as we had hoped they might, rather than them having deliberately cheated us?
Posted by: auntiechrist at April 18, 2009 3:24 PM
notafigjam : The so called healthy guys you are referring to are playing the same game ................... Not all players are in it for the sex , some just want to be wined and dined and there are those who just want a show pony to flaunt . Whether it be for kicks , revenge ,spite or just because they can .Then there are those who are so screwed that they don't know what they want. Unfortunatly this term does apply " all is fair in love and war ". Seeker beware !!!
Posted by: mrcheekyone at April 18, 2009 1:42 PM
Hi All,
Agree with Guardianangel8; say you are looking for friends, but are open to a relationship if something develops...nice and open.
My advice to you ladies as far as all the guys you meet are concerned....keep them waiting instead of getting into bed...the real players will persist, but not for too long. If the guy is into you, he will stick around and, if not, nothing lost....including your self-esteem.
Posted by: notafigjam at April 18, 2009 11:13 AM
Hi All,
Check me if I am wrong; but I dont see it that too many healthy guys would feel used by a woman if she was only after him for sex (except my dad of course, but he is a desperate, needy old bastard).
I think that the correlation is in how the sexes view sex; men (as a general rule) dont get as emotionally involved as women because it is not our bodies being "used"; we are the "user". It is the woman whos body is being "used", therefore she is more likely to be more emotionally invested with whom she allows to "use" her body....its when that emotional investment is seen to be based upon false information that she realises she has been used. This then can have the side effect of making her "needy" because she doubts her own judgement and needs reassurance...which makes her vulnerable; and so the cycle goes on!!
I have to say I have no idea why guys are needy...it does not compute with me whatsoever. I cant imagine any woman in her right mind would find anything attractive about wingy, whiney, needy guys.
Posted by: notafigjam at April 18, 2009 10:44 AM
Miss rule I tend to agree. re... I expect there are women who behave like this but from my (admittedly limited) observation I'd say that female players are more likely to be of the gold-digging variety although there are also plenty of emotional predators......what man ever complains about a female sexual predator....most are happy to be used by them lol
journey2407 at April 17, 2009 7:41 PM Yes it is a real problem in the dating world that women especially have to deal with.I hear it from almost very woman I meet that most men are only after one thing.
I too have been called a player by some...usally they are new to the dating scene and believe that because I have had lots of coffees and dinners and am still single that therefore I MUST be a player.
Can I help it if on the rare occasion that I actually meet someone that woud like to get to know better they don't see me as a potential partner?????.....Not enough gold in my vault I am afraid..!!!!!!
That's not saying that everyone I meet and it doesn't doesn't work out is due to financial reasons either..distance is often a factor...the money orientated usually don't get to the coffee stage lmao
Kenny
Posted by: benjaminbutton at April 18, 2009 10:32 AM
...Woody the next victim is being groomed at the same time that you are falling...
Posted by: istj54 at April 18, 2009 10:06 AM
Wow, do I realy want to get back into the dating game after reading all these comments, I have recently had this conversation with a friend who has been chatting with someone quite a lot but hadn't yet met, just to clear up whether they are players or not, one is in the city and one in the country, both happy to travel for the right person, i think if you meet someone and you are both mutually inrerested and attracted then you should give each other a go, continuing to look and see what else is out there means you don't think enough of this person to give them a chance and you should be honest with yourself and move on, if you are looking for a long term relationship that is, if you are just looking to make friends and go out to dinner occasionally then there is no harm in seeing other people, as long as you are honest with the people you want to be friends with, I know it sounds a little old fashioned but thats just me.
Posted by: guardianangel8 at April 18, 2009 9:49 AM
I think a key element would be if they do not invite you to 'their' home or introduce you to 'their' family or friends. Very true Woody.
I still think back to that post "Tassie" wrote all those months ago. If I could find it, I would copy it here. It's that waiting and being more sure of 'his' emotional investment. I'm sure many of you reading here will remember that post.
Jen
Posted by: jenniferhi at April 18, 2009 9:49 AM
Players
A player will pursue you. Then they'll throw themselves at you so you think they are really keen ..... you'll be surprised at how quickly they'll move. Then when you're getting keen, they'll stand you up or make an excuse to break a date (just before it) to implant some self doubt and frusration ..... this makes you start to miss them and gives them the power. Then they'll start to make future plans so you think they're working on a long term relationship with you. Again, the speed will surprise you but it's to draw you in.
During this time, you'll never be invited to their house or meet any of their friends. Then, once they've had their fun and they're starting to worry that if they go much further there'll be implications, they'll very suddenly call it all off and won't want to discuss it. If you contact them they'll just ignore you in the hope that eventually you'll just give up and go away.
They will then move on to their next victim.
Posted by: woodnwine at April 18, 2009 9:25 AM
Posted by: sowabisabi at April 17, 2009 5:13 PM
Sorry, not a good analogy. It just isn't the same ..... not even close.
"I expect there are women who behave like this but from my (admittedly limited) observation I'd say that female players are more likely to be of the gold-digging variety, rather than emotional/sexual predators. Posted by: missrule at April 17, 2009 9:35 PM"
Ah, no ..... you'd be completely wrong there.
Posted by: woodnwine at April 18, 2009 9:06 AM
Hi All,
Players can only be if we are silly enough to allow ourselves to be played. I think the old saying rings true with these people "if they seem to good to be true, they probably are". These guys are always well presented, smoooth and charming; they are like psychopaths...and thats why they are so successful.
Males tend to look for vulnerable women; I remember somewhere on here a while back that one of the bloggers mentioned that the guy wasn't after sex; he disappeared into the toilets as the bill arrived at the restaurant, and never came back.
Posted by: notafigjam at April 18, 2009 12:01 AM
Kara, you make a good point about loyalty in a relationship - people who cheat (physically or emotionally) are low, they should either be loyal or deal with the relationship they are in first.
But the problem is: when are you "with" someone? Sleeping with them, proclaiming love, making bold statements about how important they are.... that's "with" territory and implies loyalty. But the occasional movie, coffee or dinner? And only contact once a week or less? No intimacy past a light kiss? That's dating in this context.
As you said, being friends first is best, especially with kids involved. But would you expect your friends to only be friends with you?
Once you are friends, if you then decide to go further you need to talk about and agree on exclusivity. If he won't agree then, move on.
Posted by: journey2407 at April 17, 2009 11:59 PM
Ah, some very interesting observations about the player. And of course it is not specifically male or female, but both.
No emotional investment at all is my definition. Woos you, gets you, then off they go......onto the next one.....for whatever reason, although most are probably emotional black holes and well worth evading if at all possible...........K
Posted by: auntykaz at April 17, 2009 11:13 PM
Hi Kara, I think I understand what you are saying, although the odd full stop or comma might be a little bit helpful. You are to be commended though for thinking about your childs safety and wellbeing. I think that is something paramount when looking around for company.
Posted by: iaminperth at April 17, 2009 10:47 PM
well i believe that if a person is dating more than one person then yes it is cheating unless there is a understanding ie open relationship but if there is no understanding then to me yes it is cheating i dont see the point in having multiple partners, what is the deal with it cant people be happy with just one person and i hate the excuses they give out too 'he or she wont have sex with me any more or yet' or my favourite 'i didnt mean for it to happen i just fell in love with him or her but i still love my partner', i just reckon that if people cant stick to one person then why are you with someone when your probably just going to hurt the person your with and i agree with kwondo48 honesty is best at first and through the whole time there is no point in being false you will be better off being honest and stating what you are looking for and dont lead them on, like for example i will tell any man i meet that i am looking for a serious relationship but i want to be friends to start off with so we can get to know each other as i have a young child and i dont want to rush into any thing and i would want the man to meet my child and let my child get used to the man being around and if the man has children i would want to meet them too and show them respect and let them get used to me being around also, i dont know if i made any sense but i hope so lol hope all you bloggers out there enjoy reading my blog and have a nice day or night.
cheers kara.
Posted by: crazysinglemumi24 at April 17, 2009 10:16 PM
Just popping back in quickly to say I agree with chemistrylesson's definition. I was badly hurt by an expert "player" a while back. After about a month, just when I thought everything was going beautifully, I made the fatal error of telling him I loved him.
I will never, ever forget his reaction: he coolly nodded and immediately made an excuse to leave.
That was the last I ever heard from him. He didn't return calls and ignored my messages, emails and texts. My young daughter was puzzled and distressed because he had effectively dumped her too, and of course seeing me upset made it worse for her.
I expect there are women who behave like this but from my (admittedly limited) observation I'd say that female players are more likely to be of the gold-digging variety, rather than emotional/sexual predators. And in a lot of cases, the rich guy who hooks up with a trophy blonde knows very well why she's on his arm: it's a mutual bargain, or legalised prostitution if you want to be crude.
I'd also like to add (quickly!) that it's great to come back to the blogs after a few months away and see constructive, rational debate and conversation flourishing, rather than the nastiness that was all too rife back then. RSVP, how about promoting the blogs a little more now that the troublemakers have taken their stirring-sticks elsewhere!
(And while we're at it, how about solving the "You are not signed in. You need to be registered to comment on this site" glitch that has been around for far too long now?)
Posted by: missrule at April 17, 2009 9:35 PM
Interesting that the discussion has turned from dating more than one person to Players...
I get the impression that's what a lot of women think of men who date more than person as. What do others think?
I have occasionally been asked if I'm a player by new contacts (I'm not), and it makes me wonder - are there really that many out there that it's a common problem? Or am I just living a sheltered life in a country town? :-)
Posted by: journey2407 at April 17, 2009 7:41 PM
Posted by: mrcheekyone at April 17, 2009 4:05 PM
Couldn't agree more, I don't think being a 'player" is at all gender specific.
If you listen to the guys, there are plenty of women who like to boost their egos by letting a bloke think he's in with a chance, when they aren't even slightly interested.
Sometimes an egocentric woman can be even crueller because she likes to laugh about the poor guy later with her girlfriends.
Posted by: amberlight58 at April 17, 2009 6:09 PM
Hey Woodwine,
You have a point! Sometimes the inbox is empty and other times it's flowing with emails and kisses etc. But what would happen if you were at a club, or a function, and you got chatting at the bar with someone, and as you walk back to your friends someone else ends up flirting with you? If you're going to follow through on either of them, then you have to make a choice (although, obviously some wouldn't). And maybe you go the dudd, and wish you'd picked the other...but you wouldn't spend your night running between the 2, hoping that one turns out....that's not respecting yourself.
;-D
Posted by: sowabisabi at April 17, 2009 5:13 PM
re : PLAYER . Thankyou Ladies for confirming the definition of player ...............Hey guys.....I think we should add that we are not looking for players either on our profiles , as there are women out there who are experts at it...........Now before I get slain by the Ladies...yes they are a minority . So guys beware the POWER OF THE P~~~
Posted by: mrcheekyone at April 17, 2009 4:05 PM
The "player" is essentially a narcissist. They can be male or female -- but whichever gender they are, in their eyes it is all about them.
Posted by: chemistrylesson at April 17, 2009 10:28 AM
...that is exactly what I was about to say...most have NPD and will put the time and effort into "setting" you up, to get you so hooked that it is difficult to extract yourself once you know what has happened...you continue to feed them for a very long time making the initial output they have to go to very worthwhile to them...they are usually so charming that it is so easy to fall for their bait...they make you feel so good in the beginning and so very, very bad later on:((
Posted by: istj54 at April 17, 2009 11:40 AM
Honesty is best,i have met several guys for coffee and a chat, one guy was looking for a wife another just wanted sex, one was healing a broken heart they are all different and we can't judge everyone by one or two men or women.I met one guy who is such a gentleman i found i was quite attracted to his personality as we had so much in common but i decided i didn't want to rush into anything,i was honest and told him i would like to meet others as he was quite keen on us seeing more of each other, he was happy i was honest and upfront with him, i had coffee with one more guy after him and then realised that i wanted to give him a chance we have been dating a few weeks now and everything is going along very nicely,we are both very content in each others company and he has his time with his mates as i have with my friends i think being older and more mature helps as well.Honesty is best, tell the person upfront what you are looking for whether you get the truth back is another thing but its a risk we all take.
Posted by: kwondo48 at April 17, 2009 11:04 AM
Yes, Willow, I understand that the "players" main goal is the submission and manipulation of the other person -- whether it be emotional, sexual or both. And yes, they can operate face-to-face or from a distance. They are skilled at creating a fantasy whereby the prey feels as if he/she is genuinely cared for and thus is more likely to give him or herself to the predator. The "player" is essentially a narcissist. They can be male or female -- but whichever gender they are, in their eyes it is all about them.
Posted by: chemistrylesson at April 17, 2009 10:28 AM
Posted by: notafigjam at April 16, 2009 8:52 PM
Good point. And sometimes we find we never knew the REAL person, even after a long-term relationship, until our relationship is almost over.
Posted by: chemistrylesson at April 16, 2009 11:36 PM
I agree a great description.
Willow as well. Some people need conquests to make them feel good about themselves. Every surrender, whether emotionally or sexual is a "win" for them while the other person "loses".
Not only do they not care, but they are often contemptuous and derisive of the "loser" as well.
Posted by: beguilemyheart at April 16, 2009 9:13 PM
You sound nice. I am sure any lady who lives close to you, looking for a genuine man would find you attractive and interesting.
Look I know nothing about profiles, (mine has certainly not been successful!) but perhaps you could pop in a humourous sentence or two?
Don't advertise your job or monetary assets though.
I think a lady who wants you for you won't care and how will you know if a woman is genuinely atrracted to you or possible $ signs?
It also sounds a little 'desperate' if you know what I mean. You should be proud of who you are and unless you are a complete workaholic, your job/money is NOT you.
Just my thoughts anyway.
Posted by: amberlight58 at April 17, 2009 10:23 AM
"to me a 'player' is a guy that is seeing a number of different people at the same time, primarily just for sex. As a woman who respects herself and is looking for something 'more', a player is not ideal!
Posted by: lala81 at April 16, 2009 10:48 PM"
Sorry lala but why are you assuming that players are always men? That sounds very sexist.
Posted by: woodnwine at April 17, 2009 9:38 AM
"Surely there is only a 'player' when there is a 'playee' so I don't know what people are talking about either. We all have choices and if we don't like the other person or what they are doing, get rid of them, sometimes sooner rather than later.
Posted by: iaminperth at April 16, 2009 10:00 PM"
Sorry perth but that sounds a bit naive to me.
Posted by: woodnwine at April 17, 2009 9:36 AM
Posted by: sowabisabi at April 16, 2009 9:06 PM
Look, your point is interesting and valid but I'd like to raise something else. How can you possibly be that organised that you only ever meet one person at a time. Sometimes you get no kisses in a week, sometimes you get quite a few. Sometimes people reply to your kisses immediately, sometimes they take their time. Occassionally I've given up waiting so I've sent out another kiss then suddely the first person and the second reply at the same time so then I have two people to send emails to at once .... it just happens that way sometimes.
I don't think anyone's advocating sleeping with more than one person during our "evaluation" period, we're only talking about meeting people for a drink then maybe a dinner or two to find out what they're really like and to let them know what we're really like. If you find you get on well enough to take the next step then you usually both decide to remove your profiles and become exclusive. At least this has been my experience.
I know if I liked a woman enough to be sleeping with her, at that point I wouldn't want to still be seeing anyone else other than as friends.
Posted by: woodnwine at April 17, 2009 9:34 AM
Chemistrylesson - good explanation - except it depends what they're playing for - sometimes they don't want sex at all - they just want the emotional submission of their target, without investing any themselves. That enables a long-distance "play". These people can use fake identities - because it's not really him/her that the target is falling for. Its an illusion.
Posted by: willow29 at April 17, 2009 8:56 AM
Some would say that the "player" is someone who primarily views the opposite sex as something to be "conquered", either sexually, emotionally or both. To the player the other persons feelings arent important. Whats important is the "game", the challenge of making them do what the player wants.
I call a man a "player" when it is clear that his only interest in women is the sexual one. To me, he may or may not be getting a kick out of adding to the notches on his belt but if he sees women purely as suppliers of sexual and ego gratification - nothing more - then I call him a player.
He does not really care about the womans life, her likes, dislikes or ambitions. He will simply use whatever information she gives him with regard to herself as a means of "softening her up". That is, he will reflect all she has told him about herself back to her in such a way that she believes he really does care for her. Once he has what he wants (that is, her sexual and possibly her emotional surrender - it depends on how much of her he wants submitted to himself) -- he will lose interest very suddenly. However, he will be knocking on her door again the next time he "gets the urge", just hoping that she isnt after anything more than what hes offering -- or else, if she does want a deeper relationship, he hopes that she is too gullible to realise that sex without true care is all hes offering.
The "player" is a selfish opportunist. He is basically after "free sex" -- that is, he wants sex without having to make either an emotional or monetary investment on his part.
This is my definition of a "player".
Posted by: chemistrylesson at April 16, 2009 11:36 PM
cheeky one, perth..to me a 'player' is a guy that is seeing a number of different people at the same time, primarily just for sex. As a woman who respects herself and is looking for something 'more', a player is not ideal!
Posted by: lala81 at April 16, 2009 10:48 PM
Sowabisabi,
Out of the mouth of babes....so agree with you on that issue. Dating is all about making ourselves happy first, and maybe we will find someone and make us (plural) happy along the way.
The problem here is that the whole idea of meeting is contrived from day one when an initial contact is made...an expectation is built...and ofter not met. All we can do is try and be selective about whom we want to actually meet, and not just take any offer that is made.
Posted by: notafigjam at April 16, 2009 10:07 PM
cheeky one, I would be interested in the replies also because I have no idea what a player is. Surely there is only a 'player' when there is a 'playee' so I don't know what people are talking about either. We all have choices and if we don't like the other person or what they are doing, get rid of them, sometimes sooner rather than later.
Posted by: iaminperth at April 16, 2009 10:00 PM
Hey benjmanbutton Ukraine/Russian yes, I'm never interested in those I always question their motives,I'ts more the genuine locals whom I have little in common with that kiss,but like i said I'm drawn to women my own age.
Do I have to or should state on my profile all that I have/own,occupation in order to get some women my age interested?
Posted by: beguilemyheart at April 16, 2009 9:13 PM
It's interesting that everyone is talking about giving the other person a chance...you know, how can you get to know them properly, maybe they need 3 dates to warm up, be fair on them etc. But isn't OUR dating experience ultimately about US?
So, what about giving OURSELVES a chance? What are we really doing, if each date is just another check-in point in a superficial social calendar? Will it really be possible to experience anything meaningful as we flit around from date to date? How many people are we willing to share ourselves with? It would appear that sex is the only form of intimacy that counts these days...
Personally, I value ME enough to think that it's a pretty special thing to be able to spend time with me, even if it is just over coffee...and I'm not willing to just share myself and my time with every guy that asks, just because I've got a spare minute on a monday afternoon! I'd rather catch up with real friends or read a book....
Hmmm.....I'll take one at a time thanks ;-D
Posted by: sowabisabi at April 16, 2009 9:06 PM
Hi All,
Depends on your motives. If you are out to meet people with a view to establish a few friendships and see where that takes you with someone (if anywhere at all), then I dont see an issue.
Let me pose this question then; you have a number of very close friends of the opposite sex (or same, if you are gay), and realise that you have developed serious feeling for one of them; as they have for you. Do you ditch those other friends because of this, or expect your partner to do the same?
You would be very lucky to get to know enough about a person in order to make any sort of commitment to them after 3 dates....god, some of us dont know our real partners after 3 years. Its usually a bit of infatuation at that point in time...anyone can put on a front during a date, or 10.
Posted by: notafigjam at April 16, 2009 8:52 PM
sme1969...: Agree totally....its a shame many don't see it that way..............................Now on the subject of cheating...I would really like to know what a "player" is .........as a large majority of female profiles state they're not looking for one.............C'mon ladies we guys would like your opinion.....
Posted by: mrcheekyone at April 16, 2009 8:31 PM
I guess you don't have to tell them Perth. But I think most people see your friends or mates as being a lot different from dating a possible future life partner.
It just seems that once people start dating, the scenario seems to change and people sometimes read a lot more into the situation.
Some people are so keen to be "in a relationship" almost straight away that like that coffee guy, they are desperate to be exclusive almost immediately.
That is really, really scary for others.
I think being honest with someone that you don't intend jumping in too early right from the start, is the best way.
But obviously there will be lots of people who will disagree with me.
Like you, I think for most mature people the thought that someone would want to totally abandon their life for yours is way too off-putting.
One of the great things I see about mature love is that you can love someone without trying to suffocate them or living your life through them.
I don't disagree with you Sme1969, I think it is good to take your time to get to know somebody. One at a time.
But I also think some people just think too far ahead, and want to move forward really quickly rather than just giving things time.
This makes some people feel scared so they opt to run instead.
Posted by: amberlight58 at April 16, 2009 7:57 PM
After being happily married for 33 years I just find the idea of seeing several men at once (well not at once! lol but you know what I mean!!) quite daunting and although new to RSVP, have had to really think about this aspect that is being discussed. Personally I believe if we are all in the same boat looking for that special someone then as long as we are not deceiving anyone else, it should not matter.
Yes, communication is the key and I agree with what others have said on here..if you take the next step and become intimate with someone then that is the time to be honest with any others and let them know you are starting a serious relationship which means unfortunately you won't be able to see them while you are giving the serious relationship the time and consideration it deserves. One can still keep in touch with the others though I feel by phone or email, as some friendships being developed will remain important.
Posted by: sweetmixture at April 16, 2009 7:14 PM
One person at a a time if you're seriously looking to meet some I think.
I think unless you find the person your meeting for a coffee/ drink unattractive and there is no way forward you need a few dates to see who they really are.
Many women I have met in their 30's who expect a spark with 2 meetings. Totally unrealistic.
Sure it occasionally happens that we meet someone who knocks our socks off but it's not that common.
I am usually a bit awkward for the first couple of dates till I settle in and can show the real me who has been hiding...unwillingly mind you.
My sister and her husband have enough spark for everyone but they didn't really click until about the 5th date. They just knew they liked each others company.They took the mature approach and got to know each other. The sparks are there if you give it a chance.
Would love to find a patient person. It's relationship we are after, not a Big Mac.
Posted by: sme1969 at April 16, 2009 3:04 PM
Amber, but if you haven't begun a true partnership then why do you need to tell them if you are enjoying other peoples company as well. I don't mean on a secretive nature at all but just going to a movie or something with another friend. Surely just because you meet a person and grab a cup of coffee with them it doesn't mean you can't catch up with other people as well. If as you say a true partnership does develop that's an entirely different thing, but I would be mortified if someone dropped their previous friends after having a cuppa with me. I remember one guy I met over a cup of coffee immediately hid his profile on her and that really freaked me out. I thought, oh no, what is he thinking when I was still virtually digesting my coffee. I felt really uncomfortable about it and suspected he was either very clingy or very controlling. Turned out he was both and also hard to get rid of. He had me in his sights and didn't seem to give a damn whether I squirmed or not.
Posted by: iaminperth at April 16, 2009 10:40 AM
Tweety15 .... you go on two dates a week from this site? Dayum .... I really must be doing something wrong or I'm too ugly. Do you date all the people that kiss you or do you pick and choose? I sometimes wonder if it is best to stop looking and hope it will just fall in my lap one day. I'm not sending out anymore kisses ... they never lead anywhere anyway. The nights are getting colder now so I'll stay home and keep warm. Who needs a date anyway lol.
Posted by: greeneyednikita at April 16, 2009 9:45 AM
I certainly wouldn't see dating more than one person as cheating UNLESS you had talked and agreed that you would see each other exclusively.
If you've done that, then the other person's expectation is that you are actually in a relationship with them. Much more emotionally involved than just dating.
I agree Zerofear, communication is the key!
I think far too often people assume they know what the other person is thinking without giving them the courtesy of actually asking them!
Is what I am beginning to feel for the other person the same as what they feel for me?
If not, but you just assume they are heading on the same journey as you anyway, thinking, feeling the same as you; then you are just asking for your heart to be shattered.
It is also quite disrespectful.
If you can just assume they must think they are in a relationship with you, even when you haven't actually asked them, what else will you just assume about them in the future?
The beginnings of already just 'taking the other person for granted' when you haven't actually even begun a true partnership!
Posted by: amberlight58 at April 16, 2009 7:29 AM
Hey Gent I like the rule of 3 - will think about that. Have to agree with Jardeniro2 - its a numbers game but as highfalutin says honesty is the key. If you're out and about meeting ppl I think that's a good thing - why limit your chances of finding a suitable partner. HH
Posted by: hopefulhoney at April 15, 2009 11:04 PM
I agree with icycle67 and minimee - dating 1 person gives you a chance to get to know them properly. I mean how many hours are in a day?
And I generally live by the old saying 'dont do to anyone else what you wouldnt like done to yourself'!
AND communication is the key. Fail that step at your own peril ;-)
Posted by: zerofear at April 15, 2009 9:56 PM
Totally agree with those who say that multiple dating ok in the early stages. There's nothing wrong with catching up with different groups of friends for coffee all in the same week, so don't view this as being too much different - except we're both trying to see if there's possibility of interest. And as woodnwine said - once you meet someone you like, you won't have time for others.
I agree with greeneyednikita do be honest and just say you don't think it'll work out between the two of you. Using the "it's not you it's me" is awful and lacks class.
Posted by: ali1974 at April 15, 2009 9:09 PM
Woodnwine- boy do I agree with you but it seems to me that the ones I really like-just arent that into me and vice versa so sometimes I go on two dates a week and then other times I am just so over I dont even turn on the pc, but if your going to be intimate with someone then you really be exclusive, as much for your own respect as the other person. Love and happiness to everyone
Posted by: tweety15 at April 15, 2009 7:37 PM
completegent1: You could talk about Lily Allen's new album "It's not me, it's you" and laugh off the fact that it's not working. Lily's songs have plenty of opportunities to lighten up the mood - or not, depends on her sense of humour...
How many people here are that keen on finding The One that we'll latch onto the first person that comes along that wants to go to a movie with us? Not many I'd guess, we need to get to know them first. So if the goal is to make friends and see if it might go further, then why shouldn't you see other people, as friends? Honesty is critical at all stages - I've been guilty of assuming a new friend knew how I was thinking, and that ended badly. I wasn't dishonest, just ignorant of her perception of our friendship.
So IMO, it's not cheating until you have agreed to be exclusive, either by words or actions. Then you need to be perfectly faithful...
Posted by: journey2407 at April 15, 2009 7:37 PM
For me it's a simple no. Multiple dating - not sleeping - is fine. We are grown ups and life speeds by. I seek the best.
Sweeping, bold, foolish yes I grant you, arrogant perhaps.
But my goal is clear. Practicality tells me it's a numbers game. So yes, date, converse, spend time, share stories and find the one.
Go fearless, unmetered, without obstacle. let each day unfold.
Posted by: jardinero2 at April 15, 2009 6:26 PM
What a great topic!! Of course it is not cheating. I personally think you should date, date and date some more. If you are lucky enough to have a number of people interested in you, why not. What a perfect opportunity to compare one with another. Afterall you are trying to find the best fit possible. Life is short. Why put all your time and efforts into one person who may not be suited to you anyway, But honesty is the key. Don't lie but you don't have to tell all. There is no need to tell someone that you are seeing other people unless they ask. The turning point..is when you go to the next step....sex. then you can forget dating. It is time to tell your potential partners that you are seeing someone seriously and you cant see any future except friendship with them. Stand back...then you will know how these people really feel about you.
Posted by: highfalutin at April 15, 2009 5:04 PM
Once you meet someone you really like, you won't want to date anyone else ....... simple, really.
Posted by: woodnwine at April 15, 2009 1:15 PM
Lol completegent1...who in their right mind would want to follow the footsteps of george castanza. We all know the situations he got himself into. How about a simple " I don't think we are well suited and I doubt this would work". Why lie? I don't see dating more than one person as cheating, unless of course you are sleeping with either or both. That is a big no no. I do agree with the fact that if you need to date more than one, then you are not happy with either of them. Either that or you are just boosting your ego or are afraid of commitment. Me ... I'm strictly a one man woman and even if just dating someone for the first time, I would want to focus on that one person to see if he is what I really want.
Posted by: greeneyednikita at April 15, 2009 12:05 PM
This is such a great topic, and one I've struggled with whenever I've been active on this site. Unfortunately, there's no hard and fast answer. I think this site is all about meeting lots of different people and seeing if there's a connection. However, I do find it hard once I meet someone I see potential with, to continue to see others. But I've had situations where the relationship hasn't eventuated and I've missed out on meeting other guys I was in contact with at the time. What to do, what to do?!
Posted by: nikkiblueeyes at April 15, 2009 9:03 AM
Thinking about, talking to, dating, sleeping with...whichever,you drawyour own imaginary lines in your mind as to waht is acceptable or not. There is no wrong or right answer....some people think they can own someone no matter what the level of relationship....Monogomy was only introduced by Emporer Augustus?.....before that it people were much more free, without the current guilt thats placed on people, purely according someone elses self interest rules.
Posted by: kingneedsslavegirl at April 15, 2009 3:45 AM
Hmmm, the age old question of when seeing someone becomes dating someone. I stand by the rule of 3. After the third date or the third week, you are dating, before this you are seeing someone.
The difference-
Seeing someone is the "getting to know them" phase. This is dinner, going for a walk or a movie and asking questions about each other. Kissing and hugging is acceptabe. This is not a relationship but practice, thus seeing more than one person is acceptable. Generally after three dates or three weeks you should have an idea about the person. Seeing someone does not include sleeping with them. Sleeping with them can override the rule of three thereby putting you into the creep/town bike if this is not exclusive.
Dating someone you are no longer available to start seeing someone. After the third date or third week you cannot sleep or seek out other partners (unless this is a part of the relationship- menage a trois anyone?).
Should you wish to no longer see the person very shortly after the third week/date it is best to fall back onto the break up excuse. If you have no outstanding reason, assume the Castanza defence- "Its not you, its me". if asked what it is about you, support with "I don't know exactly". if you are bound to see them again due to reasons out of your control, follow up with "I hope we can still be friends" to minimise the fall out that could be generated from gossip. If being friends is no plausible, spread a rumour that you caught them cheating on you and be quick to spread this as quick as possible to gain home ground sympathy.
Posted by: completegent1 at April 15, 2009 1:36 AM
Unless you have decided to be exclusive, I dont think its considered cheating to see more than one person.
That said, if you decide to start dating a second person it generally means the first person doesnt steal your heart, so why bother to continue?
Posted by: lala81 at April 14, 2009 11:45 PM
I agree minimeee.
Put yourself in the other persons shoes. How would you feel if you were meeting someone for the first time (or second or third time for that matter) and they told you that in a couple of days they were meeting someone else for the first time? I wouldn't like it.
Not telling them wouldn't make it any better either. If you think that you have to hide your actions from someone else maybe there is something not quite right about what you are doing.
Posted by: icycle67 at April 14, 2009 11:42 PM
My personal opinion is that when you choose to date someone, you need to give them a real chance. If you are seeing more than one person at a time, are you really giving either of them a chance?
Posted by: minimeee at April 14, 2009 11:32 PM
Of course it is not, but sleeping with more than one person at a time might be. I think that if you get to that stage one on one is the go, howeer, prior to that date as many when and where you want and then if you are drawn to one person more than all the others, bingo, that may just be the one. Try to keep all the others as good friends, they are great to have around if the whole situation falls on its face and great to have around even if it doesn't.
Posted by: iaminperth at April 14, 2009 11:25 PM
Posted by: iaminperth at October 24, 2009 5:26 PM
Okay, now firstly there is no need for insults and calling me up myself, this is now about the 20th time, boring, yawning etc etc, just stop it okay.
Secondly....................isnt the whole point about dating being compatible? A guy is either compatible with my moral values, my beliefs or he isnt....................why should I be the one to change?
I have my values, I have my beliefs, they fit in, or they can walk out the door......they dont have to be here, its only if they fit with me and agree to my 3 months to get to know them. No that isnt hard and fast, but what it is is a MINIMUM.........you cant know someone in a week or two, it takes months........thats the point, so please dont make it out like I am some up myself princess please.
Again, you start on the attack
Posted by: onemoreoption37 at October 27, 2009 6:43 AM