RSVP Blog

Sounds like fun.. what a great event to participate in!

Perthy
from what i have read, datinglife's post said you have to tick the boxes if you like someone.....!!!

Q: how many boxes did you tick...

FG

Posted by: feelgood76 at July 25, 2009 1:02 PM

I went to a speed dating night a couple of years ago and what a laugh it was. We had a few drinks beforehand and then the females were all given a table to sit and when the whistle blew, or the bell rang, I can't remember which now the guys would sit down and have a chat, then bell or whistle or whatever they would move to the next table. Well, I thought it was a load of fun and laughed all the way thru. Some really nice guys, but none of them really interested in. Unbeknown to me the organisers gave all the mobile phone numbers out and for the next few days my mobile went nuts whilst I was at work. It literally rang about eight hours straight and I locked it in a cupboard in the end just to get away from it. Never again, I didn't remember who was who anyway.

Posted by: iaminperth at July 24, 2009 11:53 PM

Good luck 'ok2beme'. It's not so much like a job interview, but is a lot of fun. True to name it is fast and does blow your mind having to speak with so many people consecutively in 8 min slots. Yes, there is the problem of the mutual tick requirement but it can be likened to sending a kiss to a profile that you really like, I guess. There's certainly the chance that the other person isn't as interested. I didn't find that to be a problem though. The person that I was most interested in on the night was the one I dated for a month. Funnily, we didn't talk about much in our 8 minutes except surfing, I think I knew what he did and that we both had kids. The attraction was about the comfortable ease in which the interaction between us happened. Works for me anyway, hope it's an enjoyable experience for you too.

Posted by: datinglife at July 12, 2009 10:40 AM

Thank you for your comments "datinglife" I find myself now seriously considering speed dating, previously my thoughts about this form of dating reminded me of job interviews. Now I am lucky in respect that I always seemed to effortlessly succeed at interviews but speed dating seems to spike a shred of anxiety into the psyche.
I wonder if it is the concern that you may find someone attractive and interesting but knowing that you only have 8 minutes to prove yourself to be worthy.
Regardless, I am now planning to go to one of these evenings in the not to distant future.

Posted by: ok2beme at July 11, 2009 5:58 PM

Interesting comments. I'd like like to throw another slant on things though. I find that internet dating is at risk of overscreening and it potentially screens out people that, if met under other circumstances, would be people that one might consider worthy of getting to know. I recently went speed dating and found it fantastic, but it is the complete opposite to internet dating. With speed dating you know nothing about the person and have 7-8 min to decide if you want to give them a tick. Based on that (and granted you do get to see them in the flesh) you have to decide whether they could be the potential love of your life or Jack the Ripper. If you mutually tick then you have your details exchanged (email or mobile). Believe me, after 7-8 min of speaking with each person you still know very little about them. I mutually matched with three people and decided after a further conversation that I wanted to meet two of them. I went on to date one for a month before deciding we wanted different things. Based on the criteria and words written in their profile (assuming they had one) I likely wouldn't have been interested in any of them. It's intersting how out of 12 people you meet speed dating, three can be worthy of further contact (in fact I think I ticked four or five that I would be happy to have further contact with), yet when internet dating, out of thousands its so much harder to get interested in someone and so easy to discard them based on the smallest of criteria. While I appreciate that safety is most important, I do feel that internet dating provides potential for overscreening that eliminates otherwise quality matches. Needless to say, I am booked for another speed dating event.

Posted by: datinglife at July 11, 2009 1:28 PM

If there is a practical way to authenticate members like similar to the systems they use for online banking, then I would be all for it. IF you are genuine and truly looking for quality relationship you will go the extra mile to reassure others who might be interested. Having RSVIP is one thing but it still needs a bit more refinement in my opinion.
If one truly does not trust what others are putting on there profiles, then why the hell are you using the internet for dating??
You could say that about absolutely everything you see or hear on the internet.
Its the chance you take (or kind of have to these days...) with the way the world is in 2009 and beyond. Get use to it people, 21st century living is already heavily cybernetic partly due to time shortages in most peoples lives. At the end of the day you just have to trust.

Posted by: ithe14u at July 11, 2009 12:02 PM

shemakesmyday I completely agree

I'd also like to add a 'rating' scale ... although I see the issues and inherent probs with such a thing.... there really has to be a better way to weed out the deadbeats. I"m talking of course of one of the last dates I had late last year.. a beautiful lunch overlooking the ocean, a text three days later telling me he and I quote "Want to see your pussy this weekend!". Just charming!

Bob nope never done that... never burn bridges is my motto :)

Posted by: maybeperfect4u at July 8, 2009 10:52 AM

I have been reading what has been written here and relating to all of it! My experiences on RSVP seem to be common. Guys who send a kiss and when it's refused go 'inactive profile'....is it like a slap in the face or a payback? Not sure but makes me think the refusal was right! Then of course there are the guys who email you first so your only reply HAS to be a return email! Sorry fellas if it's no it's still going to be no in an email! One person sent me 5 emails before I answered the first one. Sorry, if your THAT persistent before we meet could you ever respect a disagreement in a relationship? It's not just about looks, what appeals to one person won't necessarily appeal to everyone and this is a visual medium isn't it? I have had some gorgeous looking guys 'kiss' me but when I read their profile (yes I do read all of them) something just doesn't click. I guess if there is a list it's an attempt to weed out those who you know are not right for you and I think at a certain age you have a fairly good idea of what will work for you and what won't. Now to the comments on honesty in profiles...how many of us after seeing a youthful picture on a profile and then meeting the person who seems to have aged 15 years in a week, actually think...Oh this is ok, he/she's such a nice person it doesn't matter? Noooo... what you think is this person is a liar...wonder what else they have lied about??? Well that's my thoughts anyway. I just completed a survey about verifying profile information and yes I would certainly pay something for that, just to save myself the utter waste of time in emailing, chatting and possibly meeting someone who is not who they say they are.. wouldn't you?

Posted by: shemakesmyday at June 22, 2009 9:40 PM

Becomes totally boring and shallow I think lovemornings when someone has a list and these preconceived perceptions. There are male and female gold diggers believe me, it works both ways and if you are unfortunate enough to meet one, just get rid of them quickly, no big deal. Weight gain, works both ways as well, although I guess again it's all relevant. Personally I have never taken a set of scales with me on first meeting and some people look extremely attractive to me with a few extra kilos. Would far prefer the look of a well built guy with a few extra kilos then one who is fairly skinny but has a gut hanging out. I know we women sometimes struggle in middle age to keep the weight off but what is this with the great gut and the bottom button undone to expose a hideously big hairy belly button. What is it in a mans brain that thinks that is attractive when they describe themselves as 'average'. Fine, if your description is a bit overweight but gaping gut is not average it's, to my eyes' revolting. The same with a woman, if the boobs are hitting the stomach and you can't cross your legs, you are not average you are overweight and say so. I think it's more about honestly, because I think without honestly and trust you can forget romance or anything else because if the person is going to lie to start off with what's the point of pursuing anything else.

Posted by: iaminperth at June 22, 2009 11:02 AM

Wow, this is a really demoralising blog. I was reading downwards and just recovered from the long one about how women were gold diggers and then I hit the one about weight gain in middle age! Is there no romance anymore?

Posted by: lovemornings at June 20, 2009 7:59 PM

Gee thanks Bob,
So I'd better not send you a "kiss" anytime soon?

Posted by: amberlight58 at June 18, 2009 9:16 PM

Hi Amber,

Yeah...well I think they might have a serious mental problem...every time I see this sort of behaviour it just reinforces my view that people are morons (except you and I...and not so sure about you)!!

I stll am struggling to work out why people block the contact with people to whom they made the initial advance...has anyone here done that, and why....I am intrigued?

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at June 16, 2009 5:09 PM

Hi Bob,
You can only wonder why a person would think harrassing someone about their decision not to continue contact, would make them change their mind?
After all, any good relationship is about respect.
If you can't repect someone's decision not to contact you/stay in contact, then you are showing that you don't understand about boundaries.
I can't imagine that a person with such a disrespectful attitude is going to make a good friend and/or partner anyway.
It just shows that the person is either too immature or too self-absorbed, to even consider that someone has a right to an opposing opinion.
Very scary!

Posted by: amberlight58 at June 16, 2009 8:23 AM

Hi All,

I just dont get these people that continue to harrass; what is it that they are expecting to achieve? Everyone is entitled to put a Kiss out there to anyone on here...but you better be expecting a knockback before you do it. There are plenty of reasons why you reject an advance, and its not always about looks. I have refused contact on occasions because I just cant see that we have anything really in common...nothing wrong with the woman at all, just personal preference.

MrC,

Never had that happen before, but was silly enough to get into a slanging match once with a women whom I met for a first meeting (had dinner at a pub), but decided she wasn't my type. Rather than just ignore her jibes, I started to defend my decision (what a dopey moron I was)...bottom line, it was my decision to make and no-one elses.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at June 13, 2009 4:20 PM

Hi All,

Easy really to tell if you are blocked. When a member becomes genuinely inactive, it still states their name, but "inactive" next to it...when you are blocked, you cant see who blocked you..the name disappears next to the "inactive". You can also look up names before you login; if they are still active, their profiles will show.

Just seems strange that people that initiate contact will block the person contacted once they get the "not interested" response...they initiated the contact...and you are unlikely to pester them if you knocked back the contact.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at June 11, 2009 6:52 PM

Once upon a time there lived a fair maiden...not...who accused me of being a snobby b*****d , as she felt I knocked her back because of where she lived and then proceeded to tell me that her house was paid off and that her parents lived in an exclusive Bayside suburb .She was blocked of course .A few months later I created a new profile for myself with no photo and guess what....she was back just like Freddie

Posted by: mrcheekyone at June 11, 2009 3:17 PM

I have blocked one bloke - but I didn't initiate contact. He emailed first, without sending a kiss or receiving any encouragement. Then I was polite and friendly but stipulated I wasn't interested in romance (with him). Henceforth he sent very nasty emails, saying I was a snobby b**** and worse. He was 10 years my junior and I emailed back and said that I wish him well, but not to contact me again. After that, he was blocked.

Oh and another fellow brought some inappropriate accoutrements to our first meeting....he was also blocked.

Posted by: willow29 at June 11, 2009 12:49 PM

How do you guys handle it when someone sends you a really nice email out of the blue expressing that they would like to meet you. Everything looks fine and you think that is a lovely generous act so you reply and in that reply ask for their password........cringeworthy moment, oh no, not for me! How do you tell that person then who has gone to so much trouble that you don't wish to meet them when so many other things match. I mean I know looks are not skin deep but sometimes, well no, just don't want to meet. I met a guy a little while ago who describes himself as 'average' weight and when I met him, not only was he nearly totally deaf, which I suppose could be helped with a good hearing aid but his belly was so huge it just hung. He looked like he was about to give birth to a baby elephant. I was so glad I was at the beach with the dog as I had no desire to sit in a cafe or coffee shop with him and really felt a bit fed up even meeting him. Walking was good, he sweated and puffed and I sort of talked to myself, chatted away happily up and down the beach and then said, 'oh look at the time, must go'. Did not feel the slightest bit rude as the whole meeting was false from the start. He didn't contact me again, thank goodness.

Posted by: iaminperth at June 11, 2009 12:23 PM

Hi Bob, I think that if the profile is inactive the contact is automatically blocked by the site and you can't send emails thru unless you have her home or work email private address. I think this stops a person who has been on the site receiving piles of unwanted emails when they might have possibly met someone. Also, they may be up to a bit of hanky panky I suppose. So inactive means you can't email not that you personally are necessarily blocked. Good for you for knocking her back.

Posted by: iaminperth at June 11, 2009 12:15 PM

Bob - how did you know you'd been blocked? How can you tell?

Posted by: woodnwine at June 11, 2009 11:17 AM

Posted by: hopefulhoney at June 6, 2009 1:57 PM
Oh I just love Dawn French in "Vicar of Dibley" lol! What a woman hehehe!

Posted by: notafigjam at June 6, 2009 3:53 PM
I would imagine this could go both ways "notafigjam" with guys wanting to find women who have an abundance of wealth. men can be "gold diggers" also

Posted by: sweetmixture at June 7, 2009 10:07 PM

Hi All,

I have just had an experience here on RSVP with both baffles, and intrigues me, and wondering if anyone has had the same, or done the same.

I received a Kiss from someone a while ago and, because they were miles outside of my age range....I'm 53, they were in their early 30s....I sent what I thought was the nicest possible "no thank you" I could find in the responses available. Anyway, I look at my latest inbox mail on my homepage about 30 minutes later and find that this woman in now "Inactive"....me being the sensitive soul that I am feels that maybe nbeing 30+ and knocked back by a 53 yo olf fart has damaged her in some way. Lo and behold, I find that I am blocked!!

Maybe my ignorance is showing here, but it got me wondering as to why someone who initiates the contact would block someone who has decined the contact? I can understand the opposite, though even thats a bit harsh until the person knocked back has proven that they need to be blocked.

Anyway, my question is, has anyone else experienced this or, more importantly, have they blocked contact with someone with whom they initiated the contact, and why? I have to say that, whilt I have been on here on and off for a while now, I have never had contact with anyone else that I felt required me to either block them or report them to the modeators...and I was quite surprised.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at June 7, 2009 3:31 PM

Hi All,

There are plenty of guys out there that know that there are gold diggers..so they lie about what they have. You may see the fancy car and the nice boat etc....but what they actually have sometimes is a mountain of debt.

All in all "its a jungle out there"...now, where did we hear that recently...so careful when playing games; you might just get eaten.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at June 6, 2009 3:53 PM

Touche! - British and the male ones will get what they deserve - dumped! I agree Sweetie - honesty is the best policy and a lot of ppl need to be far less judgmental.... after all - sh_t happens. Big is Beautiful - what about Dawn French - she is gorgeous! HH

Posted by: hopefulhoney at June 6, 2009 1:57 PM

Women who are gold diggers will only get shafted. Boom boom!

Posted by: britishracinggreen at June 6, 2009 12:54 PM

After reading this topic I am now completely downcast and forlorn. It is interesting to see how adamant and forceful some people can be regarding their views. Somehow this trying to find someone with whom we can relate on various levels is starting to seem even more elusive and complex than I thought it might be..

People hiding things, age, weight, telling lies about themselves, old photos..sheesh! Rolls my eyes. I tell it like it is in my profile so that no one will be disappointed if they meet me and see that I am not skinny. My profile states that I am very very plump. I am not going to lie about that. Whether it is healthy or not I am carrying weight on me but I still consider myself to be a worthwhile person and an interesting one to get to know. I know that I am a good person, have a good heart, try to be non judgemental when it comes to others and all in all am happy with the person I am in myself, regardless of my body shape or what I may or may not own in terms of wealth.

We all need to be sincere about who we are as people and not pretend or try to be what we are not.

I have heard the saying "big is beautiful" but of course this is not how many see the larger built person but truly there are some lovely big women ( and great guys) out there and I guess like everbody, we want to be accepted for the person we are not our body shape even though honestly speaking if we could have a wish granted it would probably be that we could be instantly a smaller size lol...those of us in the "larger' category anyway!

I am also a person who reads others profiles regardless of whether there is a photo there or not as I am interested in what they have to say in terms of themselves although eventually of course if contact is initiated, it will be nice to see a photo just to put a face to the person.

I must say though by reading the blogs I am picking up so much information and taking notes of useful tips to prepare me for any future dating. Nothing is wasted and there is always plenty to be gained.

My positivity keeps me enthusiastic regarding future dates (smiles)

Posted by: sweetmixture at June 6, 2009 11:37 AM

Not much happening on this topic.. I'll just have a squizz at a couple of the others.... "G"

Posted by: amdoingit at May 27, 2009 11:49 AM

Posted by: benjaminbutton at April 24, 2009 10:58 PM

So Ben, when were you last a menopausal, woman??

regardez..

Posted by: regardezcettefemme at May 27, 2009 11:09 AM

Hi Girls,

My response to Gomez was pulled.... you can probably guess what it said; but part was "you like being alone...get used to it fell"...blah, blah, blah.

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at May 22, 2009 11:00 PM

well i have never heard so much shite in all my life.
what are you a walking statatition for the negative?
yes there are some gold diggers but the same goes for men too.
i have met some lovely ladies on this site and some scary ones too.
but you will also meet the same type of people anywhere in your life
the idea of being here is to try and find someone that will suit one self better. i have found more so called gold diggers at the pub than on here.
as for one night stands it is easier to go stand at the bar of any pub and you will get one. i think the majority of ladies here are seriously looking for something long term and meaningfull, i know i am. and if you are not happy here then you know where the exit is.

Posted by: basswild at May 22, 2009 7:20 PM

Gomez: don't join a dating site, try a photographic club. That way you may make some good friendships and something further might "develop" :D

Posted by: missrule at May 22, 2009 3:46 PM

Gomez.. Wow.. Some serious venting happening here. Hope you felt better at the end of it.
Let me tell you sweetheart, women as well as men get shafted in all areas of their lives. It's not nice but hey, shit happens.. I know coz it's happened to me but no good moping about it. Build a bridge and move on..Sure, be warey by all means but if you go through the rest of your life being suspicious of everyone you meet (of the opposite sex) then you're destined for a pretty lousey life. Well what's left of it anyway. Life's way too short to carry grudges.. Lighten up, enjoy each day for what it's worth and maybe if you're not expecting the worst of someone, something good will come your way.
Have you considered that maybe the questions asked were just conversation starters.There may be nothing sinister intended.
As for the kisses and replies... My profile clearly states..You kiss you email.. I kiss I email but I've still had the coffee response sent as replies. You're no orphan ok..

Not having a dip... Just making a statement... For what it's worth anyway...... "G"

Posted by: amdoingit at May 22, 2009 2:53 PM

Gomez you need to chill out. Not all women are Gold diggers. Guess you have just been unlucky in that regaurd.
Those two questions are valid questions to ask. Yes I would like to know if my potential partner has a job. Not because I want him to support me. I have done that very well all for myself thank you, and I dont need any help with that either. It is how ever nice to know they can support them selfs.
Secondly yes I do like to know where they live. Has nothing to do with prestige. But more could I actually find their suburb if needed in the future down the track. Am not called Miss GPS for nothing LOL.
As for screening potential partners. I prefer face value to finding out to much over internet or phone. I meet someone with no expectations. Much rather enjoy their company and just go with the flow. If the chemistry is right let things develop naturally. That way there is no pressure.

Posted by: ru4real1 at May 9, 2009 11:51 PM

Go Perth! Here, here! I agree. Gomez what are you doing here? Lighten up. Plenty of women have got better things to do than to get mixed up with sad sacks like you. Women, strangely enough, are people too. Often, like other people, we lead an independent, financially secure and emotionally fulfilling existence. Also, being members of the human race - hence social animals - we like to socialise with other members of our species. I think you are shooting yourself in the foot when you start to generalise about people the way you do. You even generalise about your own gender. You, like anybody, are entitled to your opinion but don't be delusional in your thinking. After all, whether you like it or not, this is the 21st century. Women came out of the kitchen for a reason, are capable of managing their own lives and can think for themselves. Keep up the therapy - hopefully you will learn something about people and human relationships, without being so judgmental. Good luck in your search... I think you're going to need it. HH

Posted by: hopefulhoney at May 9, 2009 3:21 PM

You never said what your motive is for being on RSVP as it seems that your heavy negativity would put a damper on any meeting. Who would give a damn where your title deeds are and what if a woman you met was far more financially stable than you. I think any woman wouldn't put up with anyone so rude and paranoid as you seem to be and would find you totally ugly and boring with that silly attitude. At your age I am not thinking you would be fathering children with a prospective partner so what is the nonsense about title deeds anyway. Any prospective partner would only be entitled to half of anything they put into the relationship during the course of that relationship. Although with that rambling nonsense I don't see why anyone would bother. As for sti's which you seem to be obsessed with, have you never heard of protection.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 4, 2009 11:36 PM

There is an old saying �You can take a donkey to water; but you cannot make the donkey drink.�

Internet dating is no different to any other social dating venue. What do want RSVP to do? Change your nappies and wipe your rear end. Eventually you have to learn to wipe your own rear end.

I think that most people on the singles dating circuit are pretenders full of hot air; scammers after a meal ticket. At social venues; within half an hour of meeting a woman, I know what her motive is. The first two questions I get asked by women is what do you do for a living and where do you live? My response is that my title deeds are locked in my safe; you put in the other half and we purchase an exquisite home in joint names and live an exquisite lifestyle. The reply I usually get is that you are a bit mean. My reply is a gold-digger by any other name is still a gold-digger.

What are they going to do? Break into my house and steal the title deeds? That may work in a Hollywood movie but in reality the situation is different. It takes a month for the legal documents to be cleared by a conveyance firm and only after both parties have signed the legal documents.

Let�s look at the bigger picture.

Give a woman some truth serum and women will say that they don�t believe the romance rubbish they write in profiles, they are motivated by financial security.

Drink spiking is common. So is date rape. Only about 10% of women will report that they have been raped. One in four women in the USA will get raped in their lifetime. In Australia, unreported rape is high so is rape in marrage.

I have asked a number of women when they will consider having sex with a man. The reply was that if a man has not had sex with you by the third night, they will drop you like a hot potato. Sexual promiscuity has only lead to dissatisfaction and a rampant rise of sexually transmitted diseases. If you are that easy to get laid; then he will not respect you. The reality of life is that men will discharge their rocks into the town bike then marry a virgin or a lady with high moral standards

Getting back to online dating. I receive kisses; you pay for the stamp, I will pay for the first coffee. That is a scam. Convention says whoever kisses pays for the stamp; end of story. Profiles which say I am honest. Anyone can write a profile; very few can delivery the advertised goods. Profiles which mention wining, dining and globe-trotting. Professional adventurers, wine connoisseurs and gourmands belong to associations and socialise with like minded people. They do not flaunt lifestyle on dating sites.

The reality of life is that over 40 and divorced with children, then after the lawyers have their cut, the bills paid and the family home sold off; very few divorcees leave the relationship with money in the bank. If they do they will not have enough for a deposit for another home. If they do they will never repay the loan before they retire.

My advice is that if you are dating a stranger is to have prepared questions you can ask your prospect. Memorise them and don�t deviate. Sex is only an animal reproductive drive not a relationship. If you cannot differentiate then seek the help of a relationship councillor. You may pay a few hundred dollars in counselling fees. That is chicken feed compared to loosing your life�s savings.

My motive for being on RSVP. I am quite happy living alone. I have interests outside dating women. I do not need a woman sleeping in my bed to live a productive and fulfilling life. I enjoy digital photography and I am seeking a walkabout partner to share the adventure.

Posted by: gomezaddams at May 4, 2009 10:06 PM

The site can only do so much when it comes to personal security and it seems to me they are doing it. What you do once you make contact with the person is entirely up to the individual concerned. If you give out your private email, just be extremely careful it is set up properly and that your surname is not visible on reply. This can be extremely dangerous if you have a listing in the phone book. There are some persistent people on the site, as there are off the site, but I think it's best to stick to the site email provisions firstly and move forward as quickly or slowly as you feel comfortable with. Beware of anyone who insists on corresponding off site immediately is all I can say.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 4, 2009 6:37 PM

Scammers - in more ways than one!

Posted by: woodnwine at April 26, 2009 9:33 PM

I think I had a first ever scammer the other day. I have no doubt it was an email from one of those fleece them type people. I suppose there is really no way the site could stop these things happening so anyone be doubly aware that it is happening.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 26, 2009 5:33 PM

Actually I think a few of my recent contacts might have been scammers. There are certain strange things about their profiles. i.e. seeking much older men for one. One I contacted, immediately wanted to direct the ongoing communication off the RSVP site via email. That seemed a bit strange to me, given I just paid for 30 days contact. I've trashed 4 contact stamps already on women who wanted me to contact them, then barely said a word. One didn't even reply to my initial contact. All after all of them indicated via KISS they wanted me to contact them. Not complaining, but I'm starting to think the local pub might look more appealing again after all.

Posted by: callme007 at April 25, 2009 9:17 PM

"Nigerian scammer" ? or Australian or any other nationality scammer for that matter. There are plenty of them I Suspect :|

Posted by: callme007 at April 25, 2009 9:09 PM

menopasusal - oh Benjamin shame on you, just look at that spelling. Be careful or the racing green lady will come and tell you off!

Posted by: iaminperth at April 24, 2009 11:17 PM

It's true Benjamin, it's very true. The trouble is that a lot of the time the food is there and the energy is not and it all gets too hard. Oh, I would love a second glass of red tonight, but I am being good, boring but good !

Posted by: iaminperth at April 24, 2009 11:12 PM

Being menopausal or post menopasusal is no excuse for weight gain .It may accentuate it probably due to a slowing metabolism and poor eating habits but I know or have seen many many gorgeous looking women well into their 50s and well beyond who still look fabulous...of course they eat healthily and get regular exercise rather than sit at their computers all day whilst watching the soaps or at their office desk.You can either try to justify and make excuses for weight changes or you can get off your butt and do something about it.

Posted by: benjaminbutton at April 24, 2009 10:58 PM

Hi All,

I have dodged this "weighty" debate for a reason...who needs to be torn a new one!!

Fact is, there are so many reasons for everything that happens to us that are not our fault...but in the ens; lets own up to our own failings...it aint the end of the world taking responsibility

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at April 24, 2009 10:12 PM

It could be too Woody. I'm sure i read somewhere that we gain a certain amount of weight and change body shape every seven years though. So babe to seven, then seven to fourteen, and so on. Could work I think, or maybe that was seven dog years. No I'm pretty sure there was something with the seven number and body shape. Seems as you get older the old butt disappears as well and the belly gets bigger. Oh well, thems the breaks. Disclaimer: I meant to type 'thems' and I do realize it is grammatically incorrect for the overbearing boring picky people trying to elevate their own status amongst us.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 24, 2009 8:52 PM

Posted by: iaminperth at April 23, 2009 11:51 PM

I think your thinking about the real estate market cycle.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 24, 2009 11:05 AM

Isn't there something in some research that said your body shape changes every 7 years. I am not quite sure what they mean by that, but I guess the more mature body is usually heavier than the younger style body and also more rounded. I honestly don't care, a person either looks good or not. I think the whole weight issue, keeping with fairly average perameters for their age group is a total waste of time and a very emotive issue in some people. I think their minds should be more wandering as to what that person is like and what they are all alike instead of nit picking around body types.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 23, 2009 11:51 PM

To: Asitis09... quoted at 21/4, 1:32 PM.

By reading the back of cereal boxes?

ahh, ohh, eh !....hey pal, do you have any better idea aside from reading the cereal boxes? Your attendance at the blogs are in a small percentage, almost unnoticeable, write more so I can compare your independent mind gland resources to iaminperth post. No offence intended...

Posted by: birdsofparadise at April 23, 2009 11:06 PM

woodnwine at April 23, 2009 10:48 AM

You have a great day too, Woody..

Posted by: naturalwoman08 at April 23, 2009 8:21 PM

Posted by: birdsofparadise at April 21, 2009 1:32 PM

Oh, iaminperth Mentor, how did you know all these things?

By reading the back of cereal boxes.

Posted by: asitis09 at April 23, 2009 3:04 PM

natural - I typed in a reply to you then deleted it. I don't like arguments and don't want this to unnecessarily turn into one. I think there's been some misunderstanding involved and doubt there really is that much difference in our opinions anyway. Have a great day.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 23, 2009 10:48 AM

I think the idea of being able to verify a person as to exactly
!. Who they are .(eg if they are a real person and not a Nigerian scammer)
2. Age
3. Current untouched up photo
4. if they are really single
5. and if you wanted to go really crazy what a persons weight is.
Lets face it! its meet up for a coffee 1st up or forget it.

Posted by: luckylady13 at April 23, 2009 10:28 AM

woodnwine at April 22, 2009 11:40 AM

No Woody

I didn't say my source was correct. I just said according to my research. But this source of information is as old as humans.

It's the same old thingy out of context !

Anyway, i was expecting the obvious comments. Nothing has changed. People just shooting from the hip. It's like a Western movie in here. Eee har!

and there's nothing wrong with that..?!!

Posted by: naturalwoman08 at April 22, 2009 11:47 PM

Hi woodnwine

Well..i do think it's ignorance..anyway, the whole point was missed. I was merely making a passing remark about people with buttery tummies and disappearing waistlines, and that the cause of this condition for many is hormonal changes due to menopause. Ever heard of 'middle aged spread' !

It's just a little annoying when you make a comment that you hope may make people think, but instead, people become defensive about it. There is information out there,obviously, that can help you to make sense of what is happening with your menopausal body and hopefully help you to become more proactive in taking care of yourself and possibly avoid major future health issues. It's fine to say to hell with it, i'll just continue eating good/crappy food and plenty of it, washed down with good/crappy wine and plenty of it..and if i morph into a michelin man that's my idea of heaven and my responsibility..yada yada..but the reality is by doing so..especially as post menopausal women, you are increasing your risk of breast cancer, heart disease, diabetes and so on.

Also, wnw.. prior to menopause, i know many slim women (including me).. who haven't changed their diet but have put on weight gradually and changed body shape..some have gone from pear to apple shape, thanks to four little words..estrogen, progesterone, androgen and testosterone. They all individually play a part in the changes in our bodies, and collectively store your body fat around the middle in preparation for the possible onset of osteoporosis etcetera.

gosh, talk about chewing the fat !

Posted by: naturalwoman08 at April 22, 2009 11:18 PM

Woody, I know quite a few women who do that. I suppose after having cooked most of their adult life it's a bit of a treat not having to do it any more. Unfortunately though there are consequences in weight gain and stomach problems. I know of some who buy a huge food court meal for lunch so they don't have to cook at night and will just graze on some chips or biscuits. Unfortunately the lack of vegetables and fresh fruit takes it toll very badly at times. Gosh though, when you work full time and have a house, kids and animals to look after buying fresh veges and fruit all the time is a bit of an ask.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 22, 2009 10:02 PM

natural - I think we all agree that very few people can maintain exactly the same body shape throughout their life so please don't think we're being ignorant or extreme. Maybe we took your original comments the wrong way or maybe you've now toned down your comments a little?

I liked your comment however implying that many professional opinions are basically worthless but that the source you are quoting is correct. That made me chuckle.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 22, 2009 11:40 AM

Kaz, Try the patches they are brilliant. Tablets are a pain, but a patch stuck your butt twice a week and all that stuff disappears very quickly. I had the same, had to actually change beds a few times just to get some sleep but all okay after the patches. No side effects whatsoever and extremely easy to use. There are many many different types if you are worried about any side effects. I experienced none.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 22, 2009 9:35 AM

natural - I for one know many women (hope they're not reading this) who confess to being bored with cooking and for dinner will have for example: a packet of potato chips, a bar of chocolate, a whole packet of chocolate biscuits, a frozen meal (full of additives) and of course there's always the good old Maccas, Hungry Jacks, pizza etc.

Most people I know that lead a healthy lifestyle reflect that in the way they look.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 22, 2009 7:45 AM

zerofear@8.34pm:
Your final sentence embraced it all!Regardless of menopause,too many of us (both male & female)WILL NOT ACCEPT that "at the end of the day you are the consequence of what you eat",the same way that so many will not acknowledge the consequences of their actions in other arenas.

NW@7.15pm..good to see a familiar profile again!

Posted by: kurli at April 21, 2009 11:20 PM

i don't care a jot aout the weight gain, that l am solely responsible for, what l hate are the hot flushes......geez l wake up some mornings drenched in sweat!!
Then during the day my hair goes all frizzy cos l am sweating even when doing nothing, as well as leaving damp spots under my arms. These l cannot control and l am well and truly over it............K

Posted by: auntykaz at April 21, 2009 10:16 PM

zerofear at April 21, 2009 8:34 PM

It doesn't need to be a blogging war..that is your opinion..and mine is mine based on my research. If you would care to look up medical information it states quite clearly the reasons for weight gain around the abdomen and/or redistribution of fat in some women, is due to changes in estrogen. It is most interesting. Perfectly logical. No big deal. Just information that explains how and why our body changes. And the disappearing waistline is one of them !
I don't want to go into a rant about it as the information is available. This link may be edited out but i will give it a try..i hope not, as it is very interesting and harmless, editors..it is my community contribution..(hand over brow)..
www.epigee.org/menopause/weight_gain.html

It is a fact..pure and simple. It doesn't mean one can't control it to some degree, with diet and exercise, but it is a lot harder and the main point being is that it is the redistribution of weight that causes the loss of body shape and why we have more fat around our tummies. Not to mention other symptoms like water retention etcetera, etcetera.

Gynae..Shmynae..God..i wish i had a dollar for each time i heard a doctor disagree with medical information. My son's paediatrician doesn't believe in gluten intolerance..says it's a trendy disease..dismisses it totally. Another specialist totally poo poo's fish oil, and on and on it goes.

I'm not talking about obesity here due to not taking care of oneself. I'm talking about physical changes that occur during menopause, ok?

I think it is ignorance not to learn about what is going on with our bodies at this stage in our lives (and there are many that don't, including men) and to make positive adjustments along the way.

OK..now..where's that Mars bar......!! nw

Posted by: naturalwoman08 at April 21, 2009 10:06 PM

A lot of our weight height etc., is simply genetic. If you have short stumpy parents, chances are you will be that way as well. If your parents are tall and willowy you have more chance of retaining a decent weight. Eating and exercise play a huge part but I think genetics really rule the roost at times. My youngest can out eat anyone even her father and he's pretty good. Both are tall and slim and virtually never stop eating. My youngest will have her dinner which is huge and then snacking by 10 and then sometimes up in the night for more. When she wakes she is ravenous again. Chips, chocolate, ice cream, huge salads smothered in dressings, red meat like a New York cut and wears size 8 in clothes and around 50kgs. The only exercise is walking to the car and back. My ex was also like that and he still is and is 60 years older than me. It's just the way they were made.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 21, 2009 9:44 PM

Summernights that is such a great pic of you. It's really nice and hopefully shows a little of who you are and not just how you look on the outside. Everyone can have a peep, she looks great. And to the silly ones who are bound to make remarks, this is simply a compliment from an older woman to a younger one.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 21, 2009 9:38 PM

I disagree as well. Body shape changes I believe with menopause but I don't think that it causes weight gain at all. It may cause lethargy, depression, lack of sleep etc., etc., etc., which may lead to over indulging to try to feel a little better, or like some people sit around drinking coffee all day and discussing it but weight gain because of menopause, no. On the coffee bit, the amount of calories in a frothy cappa is huge, tip a couple of them down a day along with a biscuit or two and you are shaping up to be a chunky monkey. And anyway, what is the drama with menopause nowadays, I had night sweats to drown in, but a few weeks later and a couple of patches on my butt and all was well. Yes, I had headaches, nausea, all that rubbish so we messed with the patches. I could put up with a patch on each cheek for a few years and feel fine now. Sometimes you just have to get over it and get on with life. When you see what some women have to face with years of chemo etc., menopause is a littley by comparison. I just love my food, wine and great company and can enjoy myself anywhere with that combination.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 21, 2009 9:12 PM

At risk of starting a blogging war, my disbelief on menopause causing weight gain isn't caused by lack of education. No Siree!

Apart from my own personal experience with menopause - 5 years on HRT, allowed for changes in metabolism, upped my exercise and decreased my food intake and just lost 9 kilos because I didnt like the way I felt.. I also used to work at 2 hospitals, have a really good relationship with my Gynae who refuted the weight gain claims as well AND spend more time than I care too in Hospital for various reasons. But wait theres more, I have interviewed some medical professionals for a feature article and menopause and diet was part of that article.

Whilst it is important to have a balanced debate and I know that there are some women out there who do have problems with menopause (myself included), weight gain is not a given. It is often used as an excuse for weight gain and thereby gets a tum rap for all the wrong reasons.

At the end of the day you are a consequence of the food you eat and drink, pure and simple!

Posted by: zerofear at April 21, 2009 8:34 PM

woodnwine at April 21, 2009 9:55 AM

Yes wnw..but there is so much more to it..i did write another post with more information but unfortunately it wasn't posted.

All i can say is..look up 'menopause and weight gain'. You will find some amazing physiological facts as to why this happens. It will demystify the issues relating to many factors to do with menopause.

All to do with hormones and distribution of weight for reasons that will become clearer to you or anyone else that cares to look. I say, get educated about it. While you're there, look up 'male menopause', if you haven't already. It will explain a lot of things and be extremely helpful to men and their health issues as well.

bye for now..nw

Posted by: naturalwoman08 at April 21, 2009 7:15 PM

Oh, iaminperth Mentor, how did you know all these things? reading all your post.. I salute, you can see the light and mistakes that is common to us all, ..I meant it , you're really good ,.you start to see how these elements add up to far greater whole rather than being caught up in distraction and noise that you'll become aware of it....of many subtle layers of being alive.

Perception is your front-line tool in managing the internal and external environment. You trained yourself to perceive everything around you and inside around you - even in tiny details are accurate. Hat off to you Perth...keep on writing you are the best...
(there's only one person I've admired most in here, you know who I meant).

Posted by: birdsofparadise at April 21, 2009 1:32 PM

Oh, iaminperth Mentor, how did you know all these things? reading all your post.. I salute, you can see the light and mistakes that is common to us all, ..I meant it , you're really good ,.you start to see how these elements add up to far greater whole rather than being caught up in distraction and noise that you'll become aware of it....of many subtle layers of being alive.

Perception is your front-line tool in managing the internal and external environment. You trained yourself to perceive everything around you and inside around you - even in tiny details are accurate. Hat off to you Perth...keep on writing you are the best...
(there's only one person I've admired most in here, you know who I mean).

Posted by: birdsofparadise at April 21, 2009 1:31 PM

naturalwoman - menopause doesn't have that effect on all women. Usually your body just reacts to how you treat it. If you exercise regularly and eat sensibly, most people don't put on a lot of weight. True, some have to work at it harder than others due to metabolism but many I think just don't make any effort.

How many people through getting bored cooking for one don't have a proper, healthy meal every night? How many resort to take aways, frozen meals, snack food (like a packet of chips or biscuits) and then say they just can't keep the weight off? It's a time old topic but most people who put in a little effort get reasonable results, I've found.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 21, 2009 9:55 AM

Thank you Jen, nice to see you too!

Zero..as for people lie-ing about their age. I don't condone it, but if for some it means a look-in, can't say i blame them. At what point do people begin to become dismayed at feeling like last year's wallpaper? It is sad that some people's perceptions about age are so ....ageist!

There are some beautiful, older attractive, fit men out their, even in their 70's..as there are women..

good luck Zero...nw

notafigjam at April 20, 2009 7:37 PM

well you know figjam, men go through menopause as well..i would think the problem may be related..

cheers all....nw

Posted by: naturalwoman08 at April 21, 2009 9:53 AM

Thats the oldest excuse in the book! All that happens is that you have to work harder to keep the weight off because your metabolism slows down.
zerofear at April 20, 2009 8:52 PM

Dear Zerofear,

Well Zero, if only it could be that simple. Your theory would make a lot of women very happy! But the reality for some is quite different.
Hate to say it, but your disbelief is a typical symptom of lack of education. Menopause is not an excuse for weight gain. It is a physiological fact. The following link, which i just found is helpful for anyone not aware of the problems associated with weight gain during menopause, or any other issues. Very interesting..

get educated.... read this link
www.epigee.org/menopause/weight_g
ain.html

I hope this helps to demystify the problem.

happy blogging!

nw

Posted by: naturalwoman08 at April 21, 2009 9:29 AM

I'm not overweight due to menopause, I am overweight at the moment because I eat too much and I drink too much and I haven't been exercising enough. I have an excuse for the lack of the exercise but the other was purely boredom and no-one forced the extra food down my throat or the extra glass of red. It's really not brain science at all, just too many calories in and not enough exercise. Why is it with some guys though that they have this huge round gut. If it is beer, why does it only sit in one spot and if it's extra calories why isn't it distributed more evenly. Australia is about the only country in the world where I have seen these disfigured big bird men strutting around and they don't seem to notice. That huge lump of gut is hard as well, like a pregnant man. I think it looks horrible. i don't care if a person is fat or thin but that huge round bulge looks really ugly to me and they can't wear clothes nicely no matter how hard they try. I don't think that NW is blaming menopause for the weight, she is saying that the distrubution of weight changes. Guys I suppose are the same a bit, flat butts and round tummies and moobs.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 20, 2009 11:11 PM

Sorry NW gotta disagree with you on the menopause being a reason for being overweight. Thats the oldest excuse in the book! All that happens is that you have to work harder to keep the weight off because your metabolism slows down.

I know men on here that lie about their age, they are over 50, so put on their profile that they are 49 - permanently! Apparently being over 50 turns women off! Go figure.

Posted by: zerofear at April 20, 2009 8:52 PM

Hey welcome back NW. How was the trip? And everything? Nice to see you again.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at April 20, 2009 8:03 PM

Hi Naturalwoman08,

The mans chest drops to his stomach...even guys that dont drink. All those guys that work out and then let themselves go...look at your average footy player at 40+...it all falls down!!

Me...it took me 54 years to get my body into this shape, so screw trying to please someone else!!

Bob

Posted by: notafigjam at April 20, 2009 7:37 PM

iaminperth at April 16, 2009 10:51 AM
For women when the boobs, the belly roll and the bit inbetween all roll into one mass when they sit down......

Hi Perth..!

Funny but true description for many women, (and men) unfortunately, but is not necessarily to do with overeating, in the case of women that is.. for some women it is..

an Unfortunate Malady of Menopause..the 'fat' becomes unevenly distributed..to compensate and store nutrients..we lose our curvaceous 'plumpness' from our bottoms..they become flat and our boobies.. waistlines and tummies become er..rubenesque!..probably not the most flattering reality for some..but it is reality ..we have become mature women..embrace it!..especially men!..after all, what's a roll of fat between friends! It's not the fat that stores a person's personality, but the heart and mind..??!

as for the male's 'significant girth'..is there a medical equation for the disfigurement? or is it a case of too many beers and meat pies?! hoh!

love to all....

nw x

Posted by: naturalwoman08 at April 20, 2009 1:01 PM

I'm looking for someone around my own age. Should I take into account that some women might be lying about their age? Whoa .... that makes things a bit more difficult, now my brain hurts.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 20, 2009 12:14 PM

As I said in another blog this morning I think it's interesting when you see someone's profile re-appear after an absence and they're magically now younger than they used to be. Some even change their age for than once .... why? Get over it .... you are as old as you are. If you want to get the message accross that you are still young at heart and vibrant, portrey that in your profile, don't lie about your age.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 20, 2009 11:37 AM

My photo is a couple of years old but I like it and have never had anyone not recognise me.In fact I met someone at the rsvp function at Cooolangatta on saturday night who had discontinued contact about 18 months ago when I had added an updated photo ...not one that I favoured but current at the time who proceeded to tell me that I looked so much better in person and had ceased contact when I put the other photo up.....go figure

Posted by: benjaminbutton at April 20, 2009 11:17 AM

Yes, lying about one's age means being instantly struck off my list of potential partners. I simply shows that someone is willing to lie to a potential future partner and you have to wonder where does it stop? I have seen many profiles where the age listed is one thing but then there is a half hearted attempt in the profile text to explain that they accidentally entered the wrong date. It is very hard to verify someone's age online or even after a potential meeting or two. But, and it's a big but, I think that I would be inclined to walk away and not want to see someone again when I did find out. Maybe they are hoping that before you find out you will have fallen in love and that will overcome everything.

Speaking of big butts..... is lying about age any different to body type? In an earlier post I used myself as an example for body type - there were probably people out there that didn't think I should have listed myself as "Athletic" which is their opinion. I haven't tried to hide anything as I have an explanation in my profile text and I also have a few full body photos so that people can make up their own mind.

The difference between the two scenarios is that body type is someone's subjective view of themselves where age is an absolute. I am willing to give some leeway when it comes to description of body type but lying about age I will not give any leeway on.

I do wish more people would provide a half decent photo.

Posted by: icycle67 at April 20, 2009 11:04 AM

Gotta agree .The age thing seems to be a stumbling block for most women on here, then there's the weight factor . As for the photos........yes there have been a few that barely looked anything like their photos........but there were also a few that were absolutely gorgeous but had mediocre photos of themselves.......it's like a lucky dip!

Posted by: mrcheekyone at April 20, 2009 10:19 AM

I agree. I think lying about age is so completely disrespectful to the other person it beggars belief. Fair enough I siuppose if you wish to state you look younger than your age, which is only an opinion anyway but to blatently lie is wrong. I believe it is treating the other person with contempt as age is linked to far more than just a number. If a person wishes to meet someone within a certain age group their wishes should be accepted and respected whatever reason they have for it. It is, I tend to believe an extremely important part of a profile, far more important than weight and looks. You can always change to a certain degree weight and looks but age is a constant. For me it also speaks of a certain arrogance and I suppose down to basics, it proves that the person you are meeting is a liar for their own gain and amusement.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 20, 2009 10:13 AM

I think that when men see 'a bit overweight' on the profile, they magnify it, probably thinking that it is a modest view of the person of their weight, but for some of us, it's just honest. I'm a bit soft in the middle, but still have a waistline, nice legs, DD, and a firm gluteous maximus. I know I'll never be a Grace Kelly, but I could be Marilyn . . . But if you put a variety of pics, then people should be able to judge for themselves whether they think you're too overweight for them. If you don't put a 3/4 to full bodyshot, well it's like selling the car with only a picture from the steering wheel forward.

Posted by: calliope8 at April 20, 2009 3:33 AM

Hi All,

I dont know about mens profiles, but I have noticed an increasing number of women on here that advertise themselves as one age, but in the text of their profiles the confess to being several years older. Sadly, I think that this is not a reflection on the person with the profile, but on us guys that read them....why, because it seems that unless a woman (in her mind or experience)presents herself as less than a certain age, she feels that guys wont take any notice of her profile. In their minds, at least once a guy has opened the profile, he is more inclined to read it and be influenced by what he reads, not what he sees.

Let me just say this; a person can say whatever they like about their age...it doesn't matter. What matters is when they pass off a photo that was taken years earlier, then say they are still that age. That is when the big surprises occur....but why would anyone risk the humiliation of the date's shock at meeting the older version of themselves?

Posted by: notafigjam at April 19, 2009 8:39 PM

People I think the essence on RSVP, like anything on the internet is that it is all image related. All you are seeing is a picture of someone and a description of them based on what they "think" they are. You can masquerade as anyone you want, with what ever colour hair you want, and whatever size you want to be.

The catch is when you meet someone for the 1st time and you get caught out. I cant count the amount of people I know who have met up with someone only to find that they are not anything like their photo, description etc etc.

To be honest, there are few decent photos on RSVP, you wouldnt sell your car with a blurry, out of focus 10 year old photo so why try and sell yourself the same way??

Posted by: zerofear at April 19, 2009 8:00 PM

Well there are a huge amount of women in my age group who I think are overweight but then I suppose there are so many of them that if you did the maths you would find I am average. However, on the scales I am overweight and apart from not being able to fit nicely into some of my clothes I really couldn't give a toss. I have a very well stocked wardrobe and I know how to dress and if a person doesn't like that, then that's their problem not mine. It's all so picky and who has the right to judge someone else. Seems to me a lot of people on here need to get over themselves in a hurry and take a good hard long look in the mirror. Grooming to me is the essence not weight.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 19, 2009 6:45 PM

Hi All,

I think the issue on RSVP is that the term "average" is just that. There are people out there that see athletic as the gym finess types,slim...speaks for itself; a bit overweight as fat and large as obese. To me the term "average" needs a bit more work on it by the RSVP so that there are a lot more choices for members to make that will bst descrie them.

I have actually met women that describe themselves as average for no other reason than that they are modest on their assessment of their own qualities. Conversely, I have met women that are clearly full of themselves and have a very different perception to what the mirror is obviously telling them....I'm sure the ladies here would say exactly the same to us men.

Posted by: notafigjam at April 18, 2009 11:07 AM

Not everyone wears rose coloured glasses, some people will tell you they are a bit overweight, I have, but that's another point how much is a bit, being a little sensitive about my weight I would never put it down on my profile and does size matter more or the person inside!!!!!!

Posted by: guardianangel8 at April 18, 2009 10:04 AM

perth - who's going to describe themselves as a "big bird" type? Most people won't even 'fess up to being overweight ..... in their minds they're average.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 18, 2009 9:28 AM

Yes, of course I am for real. Not sure which part of what you are referring to though.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 17, 2009 7:36 PM

Woody...I'll happily tell you my age...but never my weight...till I can put slim in my profile again...but I will tell you my BMI...it's 22.5...making me average:))

Posted by: istj54 at April 17, 2009 12:38 PM

Posted by: iaminperth at April 17, 2009 9:00 AM

Are you for real? I'll just take this as a joke, I think.

Why doesn't everyone just put their weight on their profile? That would be pretty simple, I would think. Or is that too contraversial? Secret maybe?

Posted by: woodnwine at April 17, 2009 11:57 AM

Maybe an added body type would be the 'big bird' type. Where a person is not terribly overweight but the type with the skinny arms and legs and then a great big belly like they have swallowed a large balloon. I find that a rather unfortunate body type as it's difficult and this mass seems to form a bit of a life of it's own and a bit of a put off for any kind of physicality. For any man who has tried to hug a woman in the last stages of pregnancy they will know what I mean, it's almost like having a third person in a relationship. So big bird body type would suffice so the person who is contemplating getting involved will know there will be a little extra coming in the package.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 17, 2009 9:00 AM

Just hope WW they don't start wearing the traditional sumo loin cloth thingo whilst riding the bike. But I suppose sumos would be described as being athletic, not that's food for thought isn't it. Maybe we should all google the strict definition of athletic because it probably has nothing to do with the weight of the person, just the lifestyle. One of the girls I work with participates in marathons, including swimming to Rottnest Island, cycling and running and she is a chunky girl and quite heavy but extremely athletic. Just to see her in the street though dressed in ordinary every day clothes you would say she was overweight. Oh dear, complications in life, it's all too hard so better take people just who they are.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 17, 2009 8:54 AM

Surely 'average' in body description means somewhere in between fat and thin and what most of the population look like at the moment. I think average does describe a little extra weight than a few years ago as the population has apparently as a whole increased in weight, so average in just that, the basic normal you see walking around. 103kgs at that height would be a big boy and sounding pretty lively is still a large lad. So do you describe a large lad as athletic because he is lively or is the large lad just rather overweight. I don't know it's all too hard and all too boring and maybe he is just a large lively lad who likes to ride a bike.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 17, 2009 8:45 AM

The body description that has started to scare me is athletic. What type of athlete do they think they resemble ..... a sumo wrestler?

Posted by: woodnwine at April 17, 2009 7:28 AM

Hi All,

I describe my body type as "average" after all, guys dont come along that are more average than me!!

Posted by: notafigjam at April 16, 2009 10:14 PM

Posted by: woodnwine at April 16, 2009 12:05 PM

Yeah - I noticed it had gone very quiet after that post. I am glad we've moved on now though. We have moved on haven't we?

Posted by: icycle67 at April 16, 2009 12:34 PM

Posted by: icycle67 at April 13, 2009 10:47 PM

IE - how to kill a blog topic in one move.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 16, 2009 12:05 PM

Overweight is when you have floppy fat bits around your middle and man boobs with hairy nipples drooping off the ends. A belly button that looks like a cavernous crater and a bum that sags and thighs that rub together making it difficult to walk. When the size of your neck is as wide as your head and the jawline flops around when you talk and you can't stand up out of a chair without holding onto something and easing out one cheek at a time. When it stops you from doing everyday things and you sweat and drip in the summer and pant from exhaustion. That is overweight in my opinion, anything else is okay. For women when the boobs, the belly roll and the bit inbetween all roll into one mass when they sit down and flop onto their legs and when fat feet are squeezed into totally inadequate shoes making walking look uneasy and uncomfortable.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 16, 2009 10:51 AM

What is overweight? Are we looking at BMI (Body Mass Index)? Purely weight alone, What someone looks like? What size clothes they wear.

Using myself as an example - I weigh 103Kg at the moment. I am 6'2" or 188cm. 103Kg is very large in anyone's books. According to BMI this equates to a score of 29.1 which they list as Overweight and almost in the obese category yet I have stated my body type is athletic. I am a cyclist and I ride a couple of hundred kms each week, I am fit and reasonably toned. Given the other options available in RSVP profiles I thought Athletic was most appropriate. However, this is my view and there will be people out there that see me differently and that's fine.

The point here is that a lot of information in people's profiles it is their subjective view of themselves. How much does their current level of self confidence or self worth come into play in this regard? If someone is feeling negative towards themselves they might be more inclined to rate themselves differently compared to if they were feeling positive towards themselves.

Posted by: icycle67 at April 13, 2009 10:47 PM

Now Froggy, How did I guess you would have a hidden profile. So RSVP should reduce the charges so you may use the site for blogging, which you do for no cost so what are they charging for. Doesn't look like you are actually looking for a partner or friendship otherwise you would have a profile visible so how much further can RSVP reduce their charges in respect of your needs, maybe type on the blogs for you as well.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 13, 2009 8:53 PM

GAL

Posted by: woodnwine at April 10, 2009 8:59 PM

Note to self .......Do not cross iaminperth.
I agree with what you have said and at the end of the day everyone is different in a physical and mental sence. The important fact is what oneself finds attractive. I know guys who like big bottoms, larger women, skinny women, awhole glyderscope of shapes and sizes but that's just the wrapping. What is inside that wrapper is just as or more important.
The problem I have in my very short time with RSVP is how do you know what is and what isint by reading a very sort story and looking at a amature photo taken by someone. Simple you don't! I shared a plesent dinner with a woman I contacted through this site who said that guys just kiss heaps of profles and play the percentage game. In the end you have to meet the person face to face (preferably in a crowed place and you tazer close by LOL).
I sat at the computer for about 2 hours trying to figure out what to put in my profile, as in how to word it.
At 47 I'm finding that some of the woman in my age bracket appear to be a tad cautious and more than likely for good reason and I'm the same.
Because a person can write a good profile (and for goodness sake RSVP even offer to write one for you (at a cost of course lol.))
Does it make them real or a better person? No it just makes it easier to make contact. I think some people, well I'll just say in my age bracket have become a lot more picky in what they want. I would hazard a guess and say there are a number of people on RSVP who have been on it for an extended period looking for that perfect match. Some do find it and some don't.
So at the end of the day how can you tell? You can't from a profile. What can RSVP do to help this? Reduce the cost of membership, stamps, and have stamps that do not expire.
PS My spell check is broken so please spell freaks forgive me.

Posted by: froggy1961 at April 10, 2009 5:23 PM

I'm naturally slim, can eat anything, and am allergic to exercise and at 49 kgs, I fall between a 6 and an 8, depending on the cut of the clothes, or about a US size 2. I avoid Australian clothes and my advice is, if you're slim, and if you can afford it, to stick to European designer labels, as they're more suited to tall, thin people, however, a French friend of mine had the nerve to tell me I was fatter than the average Parisian woman. I didn't believe him, nor was I offended because I was refreshing not to hear the words, "you're too skinny", which is what I constantly get from other women. It really pisses me off because if I went around telling other women, "you're too fat", I'd get into trouble.

Posted by: britishracinggreen at April 10, 2009 5:12 PM

However, BOP, they are probably asian ladies in those smaller sizes.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 10, 2009 12:49 PM

I think there are so many variations on size nowadays possibly more than at other times in history due to the variation of activities people do. One 20 something year old I work with to me looks overweight but she actually competes in triathalons and is apparently extremely good coming second last time. She is training at the moment and I think she is quite overweight but she is so fit and looks great. Another guy I work with is quite tall and I guess slim, but his skin is saggy and pale and his pants don't hang properly and he seems to have saggy bits around his middle. he describes himself openly as slim, which i suppose he is but he's got this sort of saggy lump around his middle, not attractive at all. Couple that with a moustache and dry grey hair and the picture is pretty dire to me. Another young one I work with is so gorgeous, with beautiful long blond hair, gorgeous figure to the waist and a huge butt. i guess she would weight quite a bit, but is she overweight in a size 10 top, who knows. The point I am trying to make here is who is doing the judging on the overweight/underweight thing, shouldn't it just be whether the person looks good to you and whether you are attracted to them as a person. How a person can think they are so perfect to judge another person in that way is beyond me. Rather like some of the old blokes/women on this site who are demanding younger slimmer guys/girls...I mean, what do they have to offer in return. it's like the floppy guy in our office who talks about how he can't stand overweight women yet is content to walk around with his saggy stomach, dry grey hair and untidy mo. Why would a women who takes time and pride, not to mention the expense in her appearance bother with him. Well, I've just answered my own question.......they simply don't. He's a nice enough guy in his own way, but goodness me he's put himself on a pedestal and it's a bit laughable.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 10, 2009 12:45 PM

I have a Simona white denim casual jacket in a size 10 so go figure that one. I am not a size 10 and haven't been for quite a few years now but this jacket fits quite loosely and is extremely handy, specially for casual breakfast at the beach or something like that. I think sizes are quite irrelevent at the moment and it's what fits and looks good that is important. I think everyone should wear what they feel comfortable in and forget the fashion fads. A couple of good items in your wardrobe can work wonders and take you anywhere successfully.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 10, 2009 12:15 PM

WW, I think some of the petite asian ladies would be a size 6 but not too many european women would be that size unless there is some kind of problem associated with it which is why most designers don't cater for that size. Even an extremely slim european woman would have trouble with a size 6 unless she is quite short in height so not so many designers do them. Of course, you could buy the American size 6 which is about a size 10 Australia so sizing is all over the place at the moment.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 10, 2009 12:09 PM

Perri Cutten and Trent Nathan make a size 6 and also Country Road have quite a range. My eldest is 30 years old and she does find a lot but most of it is the upmarket more expensive stuff. Most of my clothes are those brands and also some Simona, but not mad on hers at the moment although I have a beautiful navy jacket from her range. I like some of the sportscraft woolens this year also and their blouses but don't like their jackets. Around the house I couldn't give a toss what I wear, the sloppier and more comfortable the better. Have a pair of gant jeans for going out, which I will wear Sunday night with white top and Simona navy jacket. That should do the trick, casual but smart. Have a beautiful schwarotzki [sp] pendant kids bought me for christmas to wear as well and pull it all together. We will all have a great time. The friend i am taking will wear his chinos and a blue, slightly checkered shirt, polished r m williams boots and a huge smile, what more could you want. He is a retired wheat farmer and school principal and one of the most amusing people I have ever met and one of the most accepting of everyones foibles ever.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 10, 2009 11:44 AM

Posted by: benjaminbutton at April 10, 2009 11:14 AM

Hahahahaha....there is another point here, equally as there are overweight men chasing women who are no larger than a size ten too :-) Mine was purely father related, he was a short arse and I go for everything opposite to my father (for reasons I will never bore anyone with).

I think where women get the weight pressure and weight rejection, when most are in fact 12, 14 and 16, so are many men under 5ft 9, so maybe the 5ft 9's and the size 14's should open their eyes and get the perfect match happening :-)

Posted by: kungfumanda at April 10, 2009 11:39 AM

It is interesting that women on the site do seem to have issues with height and even little short arses like Amanda do specify that they are looking for 5'10 "+
Height has never been an issue with anyone I have met either here or I real life but I feel sure that it is the reason for many of my knockbacks on here when I was was actively contacting those prima donnas that us guys so often seek.
As for size 6 it would certainly be the exception .I do know my dress sizes and often bought clothes for my ex who was a size 8 top and 7 in jeans and very petite at about 47 kg.
No shortage of clothes in those sizes but possibly not much choice in the granny dept Perth

Posted by: benjaminbutton at April 10, 2009 11:14 AM

I don't think a size 6 is an acceptable size, and it also a very difficult size to obtain in this country. My eldest daughter is a size 6 and she has a terrible problem purchasing clothes as there are so few made in that size. It is certainly not the norm and I don't think many men would find that attractive at all. Working clothes can be sourced, i.e, tailored suits but leisure clothes are a nightmare when trying to purchase. I personally don't think many men would know or want to know what size clothes a woman wears they just know if the woman looks good or if she doesn't. I think for a man if he sees a woman who is pleasing to his eye he likes her, and if she has a great personality things can move from there. I think so many women are so self indulged at the moment and spend every waking moment on how they look they don't develop anything else. They have no interests, no hobbies, little education and never do anything except service themselves. They then feel shocked when a guy likes the look of them but disappears after a short while because he finds them such a bore. I was talking today to some of the single women in the office I work and not one had plans for the long weekend. It was sleep, and I need to do my hair, or something other that was equally mundane. They hadn't planned anything for the four days, just waited around hoping something would happen.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 10, 2009 12:01 AM

Posted by: runinflo at April 9, 2009 3:12 PM

You are absolutely right there. Men are judged on height, which is hard, as at least women can lose weight, men can't gain height, so yes, I do sympathise with the shorter man.

I used to be guilty of that myself and I am a short arse (5ft1) and only dated men 5ft 10 and over.....so yes, that is right, men do have it tough in that area.

Posted by: kungfumanda at April 9, 2009 4:35 PM

"Kungfu"
Do you think women have an issue with mens height? I intrduced a friend of mine to this site some 12 months ago, to date not one date and very few kisses if any, At 5'7" I guess he is considered short, aside from that he is very good looking, very generous and extremely wealthy (not revealed in profile) retired at 43 (now 52) and spends 6 months here and 6 months in Florida. We tested this and added another profile with another photo adding 3 inches to his height and instant contact was made we of course politely turned down the offers and removed the profile.

Posted by: runinflo at April 9, 2009 3:12 PM

manda - men are judged on many things, some the same as women such as being overweight, some completely different.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 9, 2009 2:56 PM

Posted by: woodnwine at April 9, 2009 2:16 PM

No WnW I am not stretching the truth, I know quite a few women size 6-8, they are all late twenties to mid thirties, so maybe thats why, but I do know quite a lot, no truth stretching.

I really do not believe that men are as harshly judged on weight and body shape WnW, not by any stretch, but this is an opinion and discussion board and apart from yet another insult, accusing me of stretching the truth, it is your opinion that is welcomed as much as my own.

Happy Easter to you too (not a size 8 or even a 10 by the way).

Posted by: kungfumanda at April 9, 2009 2:33 PM

manda - I have never met a woman who is a size 6, ever .... so I fail to see how that's considered normal. And I've only ever met one woman who is a size 8. So, you seem to be stretching the truth to make a point.

Healthy size depends also on height as a person's body needs to be in proportion. I'd say the healthy size for "most" women of average height would be 10-14 (in my humble experience). If a woman was tall, she would probably carry off a size 14 very well.

And don't you worry, men are just as harshly judged. Once again ... happy Easter.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 9, 2009 2:16 PM

Posted by: drx1800 at April 9, 2009 9:50 AM

How did we get onto weight as a topic? I have two things to contribute.....firstly, yes I agree, people generally want someone who is healthy, health is often judged by how someones physical body looks.

On the flipside of that.........men seem to be able to vary greatly in weight and not be judged, a slight difference in women and it is classified.

For example, a mans body can be from very slim, to actually very large and still be considered fit and healthy, athletic seems to be ranging from 9stone to 16 stone.

In women, literally, 6-10 in dress size is considered acceptable, 14 is morbid for a woman in societies judgement, a tad unfair in my opinion that men can be slim or well built and still be as attractive as each other.

Women seem to have to fit this cookie cutter, one size image

Just my view again..........no doubt I am about to get personally attacked again, picking on my requirements, telling me I am evil, hateful and rude...blah blah etc etc. Honestly, not once have I said anything personal about one of you guys...I have spoken about opinion, open opinion directed at no one individual, you people on here sometimes should be ashamed of yourselves for your very direct personal tear downs and grouping together to do so

Posted by: kungfumanda at April 9, 2009 12:51 PM

drx1800 - that's quite a big issue you're touching on there.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 9, 2009 11:10 AM

In response to questions about being overweight: as a GP I see a lot of overweight people. It's a big problem, but I never raise the issue. If I ask if someone smokes, I always advise them that it's a health hazard; if someone is too fat I never tell them that overeating is a health hazard. I figure that they have working mirrors at home.

To men, your weight is not the most important thing, but most men will take it into consideration. All other things being equal, a man would prefer to date the healthy-weight version of you than the overweight version. Would you rather be seen out with a fat guy, or a guy who was in shape?

Would you prefer to be a few kilos lighter? Would your clothes fit better? Would you feel better about yourself when you went out? You could try losing weight for yourself, not because you want to be more attractive to men.

If you don't find that carrying less weight improves your life, makes you happier, healthier, and more confident, then there may be other areas you need to address.

Posted by: drx1800 at April 9, 2009 9:50 AM

I guess the bottom line is with people who are not upfront and honest for whatever reason at the initial contact, is do you want to get to know someone like that. Bit like some guys appearing now in my age bracket saying they are over 101 etc., What would be the point of responding or contacting these people, no matter what they look like if you don't know their age group. What is the point of even putting a picture there. I just find it rather juvenille and egotistical and wouldn't want to meet that person at all and I don't think the site should allow that one.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 9, 2009 9:28 AM

Maybe they want to get to know you a little more before giving out phone numbers etc but I can't understand not giving out a photo password as I guess you have to at least like what the other person looks like. However, I tend to agree with WW, if it sounds a bit dodgy, it probably is.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 8, 2009 9:37 PM

Thank you Kungfu. you are very funny and smart, love your brain teasing too. keep going. you are absolutely wonderful blogger.

Posted by: birdsofparadise at April 8, 2009 7:44 PM

Yes, talking about screening a potential online is difficult. There is a huge competition incredibly in exciting thrilling times. It not just one person to determined whom they wanted to meet, it should be a mutual sought refuge to passed the criteria in searching. Try to understand that it has to be some kind of special likeliness or to be intrigued that required theirs interest. Lucky for people have gone to one click with the person straightaway but very rare to looked at, a long way of huge effort to harboured and fulfilled to seek our ideal person. Picking and choosing is a huge journey to explored the dating worlds.

Often frustration to understand as we realized, once we noted of what we like having him/her and was so far gone ended up there was no interest from the other party. Too many consideration to consider more often shortly after once we have verbal talks or meeting, the chances are greater of unsuccessful searched. The evaluation is not as we expect and we are not aware of it... But keep along with it. Each of us has own luck. Or maybe not...

Posted by: birdsofparadise at April 8, 2009 7:33 PM

Good point BOP.

I think we have all been guilty of analysing why someone seems distanced, doesnt introduce us to their friends, doesnt invite us to their home..........when really its obvious, they just dont like them enough......no further analysis needed :-)

Posted by: kungfumanda at April 8, 2009 5:02 PM

Teteatete....here some clues for that matters....those guys you have been in contact with, if they refused to view their photo's or giving their contacts numbers..by means they are not interested enough... i must admit I do the same thing, if i find not to my liking to continue along, They have the rights to refuse as well as you do, so don't take it hard on you.....turn the next page until you find someone who is keen to you.... that's all I could say, less in wasting your time.

Posted by: birdsofparadise at April 8, 2009 1:35 PM

"i keep meeting men who are reluctant to give out their photo passwords or numbers. should i be wasting my time with these men before they garner the courage to give out either?
i keep thinking that these are men who are cheating on their girlfriends or wives!

Posted by: teteatete at April 7, 2009 5:46 PM"

You'd have to wonder what they're hiding .... move on.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 8, 2009 12:38 PM

teteatete - If you are feeling they are cheating or are players you are probably right. Always go with that gut instinct.

If they don't give you photos or numbers, something just aint right. They obviously have something to hide.

Hang in though - there are lots of genuine and wonderful men around.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at April 8, 2009 9:28 AM

Posted by: teteatete at April 7, 2009 5:46 PM

You have two choices:

1 Go with the gut instinct, if they arent contributing as much as you, arent as open as you, then run, run quick, run for the hills.........as if it isnt fifty fifty now, dont hang around to see how painful that can become...as it will.......guaranteed....ask any successful real relationship and they will say that it was always fifty fifty, it always flowed together and yes, it had its downfalls, but it was worked on fifty fifty......dont believe movies about the bad turning good...they are pitched at the vast majority who want to believe as we do that and its a bad pattern....if its not making you happy, walk away, is the best and honest, direct and no messing answer to relationships if they arent trying to make it happen as much as you.

2 obviously..........just dont get emotionally or physically attached until you have been to their home a few times, met some of their friends etc....until then, assume its nothing......as you will get hurt if you assume its more an you are always kept at distance....only give yourself when they give themselves.........then you cant find pain or players.

:-)

Posted by: kungfumanda at April 7, 2009 11:53 PM

i did have a volunteer job where i worked at my local afl club were i worked in the cfeteria and served the patrons and players alcohol in the bar it was good n it really got me out of my shell but then the team i was working for went broke n they couldnt play any more so i lost my volunteer job and basically crawled back into my shell, i have been looking for more volunteer jobs similar to the one i did that will get me out of the house and meeting new people.

Posted by: crazysinglemumi24 at April 7, 2009 10:48 PM

Thank you crazysinglemum, fingers crossed it does go well. I have no expectations, therefore, if it is a complete flop, I won't be disappointed. I know what it is like to try to find a babysitter. Maybe advertise for a teen to babysit for you. Maybe socialising would be a better way of meeting someone. I don't agree with meeting men at a club or pub. You could end up with someone who drinks too much. Meeting people in real life is pretty much the same as meeting them online. They can tell you what you want to hear in the flesh as they can online. You are right though, everyone does deserve the best.

Posted by: greeneyednikita at April 7, 2009 10:01 PM

it's hard enough to meet single , available and STRAIGHT men in this city....being a single mum makes it extra hard! i keep meeting men who are reluctant to give out their photo passwords or numbers. should i be wasting my time with these men before they garner the courage to give out either?
i keep thinking that these are men who are cheating on their girlfriends or wives!

Posted by: teteatete at April 7, 2009 5:46 PM

thanks everyone for your advice it helped me a lot, i do try to go out and socialize but it is a bit hard when i have my daughter full time and i cant find a baby sitter but i do go to the beach and parks and thats about all the socializing i do but i know my mr right is out there some where he is just hiding lol i guess that there is a mr and mrs right for everyone out there it just takes time and patience and i hope nikita's date goes well and u dont have endure your friends passing wind for much longer lol i believe everyone deserves the best and no one should get less because they think they cant do better we can all do better and we all deserve better so please people dont settle for second best because you think thats all you can get. once again thanks all for your advice

cheers kara.

Posted by: crazysinglemumi24 at April 7, 2009 4:07 PM

crazysinglemum, hang in there honey and you will meet someone who will make you happy. All good things come to those who wait. I'm wondering if you all just sit on here looking or if you actually go out socialising? I've not been living here for long and don't know many people. The most socialising I've done was going to a couple of chick flicks with friends. Chick flicks aren't my cup of tea but it did make me think of how lonely I am. I knew there was no chance of meeting someone there as my friends sat there the entire time passing wind and laughing. *sigh* I'm meeting someone for the first time tomorrow and they are definitely not going to chaperone lol.

Posted by: greeneyednikita at April 7, 2009 2:15 PM

Hi All,

I'm with Kungfumanda about the dating thing....you are not limited to dating one person, get out there and date a few different people.

The problem here is that everyone seems to be looking for that instant connection; and expect everyone else to be doing the same thing. Its nice if it happens, but that is really rare that 2 people will connect instantly.

Posted by: notafigjam at April 6, 2009 10:06 PM

It's easy for people to lie about their age, location, marital status etc in their online profile. That's why I think it's best to meet face to face before too much emailing or phoning has been done.

It's not fun to form a bond with someone via email or phone, only to find that he/she isn't who you thought they were, when you meet in person.

Posted by: chemistrylesson at April 6, 2009 8:46 PM

If you are having trouble getting looks at you're profile, rearrange it, fill it it to the brim with stuff about you,, I search all profiles, and often am dissapointed to find profiles with just "GSOH, like sunrises & dancing", "like chick flicks & horror"
put words in there like "horseriding","motorbikes","achery" that will show in a word search. Give a potential viewer something to ask a question about as an opening :)

Posted by: brisnut at April 6, 2009 6:45 PM

Miffy,

Another entertaining profile that grabbed my attention. Look at adebonairaffair. You'll notice the lady is no where near similar, physically, to the other profile I mentioned. What they do have in common is their ability to write a profile like they're talking to a good friend; to express themselves beautifully. Their personality shines through and it makes me want to know these people more.

Posted by: lafreek at April 6, 2009 6:07 PM

I think lafreek is spot on! And there you go hearing it from a male. Excellent!

crazysinglemum - perhaps you can glean some help here as well from the advise that has been given. And just with your profile, just had a quick look, but really think your opening line is on a very negative bent. Open with something bright, cheerful and that might grab attention, instead of putting it out there with negatives. (ie. shallow men, and that you are looking in the wrong places.)

Good luck,

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at April 6, 2009 5:56 PM

Hi Notafigjam,

Thanks for your input but you appear to have missed my point; I don't worry at all. I love being me and wouldn't change a thing. I do admit that, at times, I'd like to be able to engage in meaningless sex when I see a lady who is, physically, gorgeous to me or when I sense lust in the air. No matter what; I simply can't.....I run away. That's me; it's the way I'm built and I can't change this; not even for one harmless quickie.... and I'm cool with that.

Posted by: lafreek at April 6, 2009 5:40 PM

"Am I that ugly?"

Hi Miffy, I had a look at your profile. No, you're not ugly.....far from it. Yes, there are men who seek slim females, some seek heavier females and some simply seek a beautiful person. I suggest you inject your personality into your profile. Show you humourous side, let us read about what makes you, you.... give us a sneak peak into your personality. Laughter is very attractive. If you have pics that show the lighter side of your personality; maybe a fany dress party pic or some other crazy pic.....let's see it. Do your best to reveal the real you and if you can inject humour; do it. Just be yourself. Dating sites only offer a glimpse of a person and are not the best medium for meeting people.......nothing beats face to face contact. I recently read a profile that captured my attention and made me smile; therefor the lady was attractive and I emailed her. Not much of a physical attraction but the way she expressed herself was entertaining and attractive. Obviously you must use your own words in your own way; but you do need to show your personality; not just provide a list. Just one mans opinion. I hope it helps.

Posted by: lafreek at April 6, 2009 5:14 PM

i have been on here for over a year and i m also on other dating sites, n i have had no luck wat so ever i have sent kiss after kiss n all i get is not interested replies or no replies at all n i have also been unlucky in love with relationships n i sit there n think how did all the ppl who found love on here and are happy how did u do it, so excuse me wen i say the 8.2 seconds for a man to fall in love at first site is ridiculus it would be lust not love so i think those ppl need to do the test again

Posted by: crazysinglemumi24 at April 6, 2009 3:40 PM

Just hang in there Miffy and be yourself and it doesn't really matter how many ones that contact you that are unsuitable, it will only take one nice one for you to click. No one is ugly feature wise, just some are a bit ugly personality wise so just sort them out and don'[t rush to give out too personal information or meet and learn to say No and mean it when you have to. No means No in my book if you don't wish to correspond or meet with someone. Go for it, nothing ventured, nothing gained and it will only take meeting one nice guy out of the hundreds of ones you reject. Doesn't mean they aren't nice as well just not for you at this time.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 6, 2009 12:44 PM

Miffy,

All you can do is put yourself out there. After a year of a 'unhealthy relationship' which never actually got to be an actual relationship, I felt like you......I felt ugly, unwanted, no men ever seemed to look at me in the street, I felt completely invisible (and I dont have kids).

I actually went to a relatioship counsellor to see what was going on, in one session, she had me put right.......not sure how, nothing spectacular, but I knew the past year wasnt me, it was their issues, I did okay, I did good........I changed, within the next following few days, something about what I projected changed, I am now spending time with 3 great guys, getting to know them, going out for dinners and maybe, just maybe, one of them may turn out to be a one I click with........to be honest, I never thought it would happen that way for me.

Put yourself out there, maybe get some help on your self image, as you are NOT unattractive by any stretch, far far from it, but if like me, you were putting that out.....it came across.

Here's hoping you too get to a place where you realise just how great you are and have a few great guys to spend time with, as they are out there :-)

Posted by: kungfumanda at April 6, 2009 12:41 PM

Posted by: miffy1965 at April 5, 2009 4:14 AM

Hi Miffy. Don't give up. There are heaps of lovely guys out there. There really is. Just be patient. Be open to the new and enjoy the journey. Not sure how long you have been on the site, but guessing perhaps it has not been very long.

I would suggest perhaps a bit more detail in your profile. There is heaps more room to fill it up with more information. If you have been on the site for a while, try a new headline, revamp the profile, change your pics. It's amazing how those type of things create more interest. And I do hope you are sending out kisses as well. Lots of guys can be apprehensive, so you have to contact them.

And most importantly - don't ever think of yourself as 'ugly'. Got to stop that sort of nonsense here and now. You look like a vibrant and fun lady. He will be out there. You just have to find each other.

Good luck!

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at April 6, 2009 12:13 PM

Miffy, you are in no way ugly, you're a very attractive woman.

I'm not sure if it is because you have children that you're not getting responses, but I'm sure there are men out there that would not mind a partner with children. I have recieved responses from men with children living at home, and maybe this sounds awful but, I won't accept a man that has children at home full time. I have spent 34 years raising my kids and my youngest has now left home and I am enjoying my new found freedom. I love my children but I have earned this "me" time.

I hope you don't mind a little constructive criticism, and please don't take offence as that is not what is intended. Maybe you need to work on the wording of your profile, make it a little more lighter and bubbly. It sounds so serious. I had to write mine several times before getting it right and I'm sure others did too. Read other profiles on here to get examples. Get a friend to read it and get them to help by pointing out your best qualities. As I said in another post, it's like writing a resume ... like you're selling yourself to a prospective employer.

As for 'midlife crisis' men lol, not all are like that. I joined another site and was constantly harrassed my married men wanting a fling, they are easily removed by the click of a mouse. There are some genuine and wonderful men on here, be brave and maybe contact them first. You have nothing to lose. If at first you don't succeed, try and try again. I've been lucky enough to get a few hits on here ... but one in particular has gained my attention ... crossing my fingers and toes! Good luck Miffy, think positive and you'll meet that special someone.

Posted by: greeneyednikita at April 6, 2009 11:11 AM

Now now guys play nice, no hitting on the head here. I know what you mean though.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 6, 2009 10:31 AM

Hey Lafreek,

Dont feel too bad about buddy; you are not alone, you have to hit me over the head before I would know if a woman was interested or not...I have no clues whatsoever when it comes to that sort of stuff. I wont say that I haven't had a one night stand...that would be a complete lie, but it was with someone that I knew very well and it was a mutual decision; like you, I dont prey on vulnerable women, thats just a low act for any guy.

Posted by: notafigjam at April 5, 2009 10:22 PM

In response to amberlights post way way back down the list. I think that most people on here probably do exaggerate their good points on here. I guess it is like applying for a job ... you always highlight your best qualities. I was talked into joining rsvp by my best friend, she is the only person that knows I have joined. I never gave her my nickname on here and she actually searched for me without my knowledge and checked my profile. When she told me she had done it I asked her what she thought. She said it was great and very honest. I have always tried to be as honest as possible simply because one of my biggest dislikes is being lied to. So, if any of you are in doubt of whether your profile is as it should be, why not get a friend to read it for you. One that will be honest with you and give you a little constructive critisicm. Why be afraid to let a friend know you have joined, if they are a good friend then you should trust them.
As for screening people that you meet. There are signs that can send off the warning bells. If your first meet went well and you are going to pursue the relationship, make sure you get a home phone number and not just a mobile. If he or she refuses or keeps avoiding it, then I'd be suspicious. If he or she never takes you to their home, I would be asking why. If and when you make the big jump and he or she suggests a hotel room ... another reason for suspicion. The warning signs are there, we just need to go in with our eyes open. Ok ... now I'll get back to reading the rest of the posts and see if I can throw another 2 cents worth in.

Posted by: greeneyednikita at April 5, 2009 7:04 PM

Hi All,

I read somewhere once that evil people dont see themselves as evil; I dont think anyone could possibly live with that concept of themselves.

On sites such as this, to me, its all about an agenda....what is it that brings man-haters and women-haters here (and there are plenty of them, you only have to read the comments of some bloggers) looking for a man or woman....go figure that one out??

There are plenty of people out there that have been used, abused, hurt and suffered at the hands of the oppisite sex (whether that is physical, mental or a combination). That has to warp your attitude, but doesn't stop you from feeling that you deserve love from someone. Problem is, if you carry those attitudes, you will only keep receiving disappointment because your hostility is transparent, and no single looking for that same love from you will put up with that when they have choices.

Posted by: notafigjam at April 5, 2009 3:47 PM

Is anyone getting virtually no responses. Am I THAT ugly?
I would really like to know once and for all; is what someone weighs or looks like THE most important criteria for a man? If it is then I had better get off this site. I believe I am a very nice caring person , but somehow I am coming across as not such. Or is it men are scared of the children on the scene.

Midlife crisis in men. Are most men in their 40's looking for younger women to have their last youthful fling with, instead of being realistic? Wouldn't want one of these type anyway . but interested in the psyche of men around this age

Posted by: miffy1965 at April 5, 2009 4:14 AM

Who reads profiles that have no photos?
Most people respond on the people's pictures, not to what they say on their profile, if someone sends you a kiss and their picture is not what your looking for, you don't even read the profile.
If your in a room, and see a nice looking person standing their, you don't know their age, or what they do for a job, or what they have, or anything about them. You like the way they look, the way their dressed, or the way they smile.
Visual is very important. People that put fake photos, or pics that are 20kg ago, or 20 years ago are just as bad. I have dated people that don't even look like the person in their profile. You get your first spark through visual of a person, the rest follows.
Thats why we date. :))

Posted by: averagejoe4u at April 4, 2009 9:13 PM

Did anyone see TT on the fast food industry. Cannot believe the amount they say is being consumed at the moment and they are putting it down to the effects of the upcoming recession. I would have thought that purchasing fast food would be an expensive option over purchasing fresh and cooking yourself. The report was saying that the profits are rising hugely and they are looking to open another 800 or so extra stores, just amazing, but gosh, what price to our health system.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 3, 2009 9:50 PM

And sorry for the spelling errors. Should read:

If one had love to fill ones heart
Would one have time to ponder ruining others days?

While I am posting again, when I said Love I meant the ability to love others.

Posted by: ahappyending at April 3, 2009 6:43 PM

This question annoys me.
Not from being asked to prove myself, but that it is presumed I lie. The dishonest hordes have won the day. I do not lie. So like an immigrant in a strange new world, I depart.

Posted by: jardinero2 at April 3, 2009 6:35 PM

Once again, thank you, Perth! I said this to you half a year ago when I just joined the blog and I am saying this to you again now, for being supportive when I needed the most! And I will remember it. Hope I am being supportive to you when you need it.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Posted by: ahappyending at April 3, 2009 6:12 PM

Posted by: bellibone at April 3, 2009 2:53 PM

I think that is great, I think often we are too scared of the truth so don't ask and asking is great, if you can. I wonder what his reaction was when he found you had checked him out? I can imagine :-)

I was dating a guy and I noticed I hadn't been invited to his home, hadn't been introduced to his friends and he never accepted my friend request on Facebook....so I promtly told him something was fishy and I didn't want to see him again.

There are signs, if you are willing to see them.

Posted by: kungfumanda at April 3, 2009 6:07 PM

To bloggers who have had the same bizarre experience of being thought as someone else in the blog:

It is Friday again
I hope you have a wonderful weekend

Care about those who care about you
Only save those who would mind your safety

Never get in a fight when it is not ones fight
Or you would fight a fight for those who dont deserve your being kind

When you only see a single moment of one attacks one
You dont really know who is in the wrong and who is in the right.

Read good books only if they make your days
Run far away from those who love to devastate

If one has love to fill ones heart
Would one has time to ponder ruining others days?

The end.

Oh, by the way, only love those who deserve your love. :0)

Have a good weekend!

Posted by: ahappyending at April 3, 2009 5:59 PM

I do believe there is enough technology out there (google, face book, myspace, RSVP puppets etc.) to enable us to check out the veracity of some of the RSVPer claims, if we choose to pre-qualify a lead!

Some time ago, I asked around (discretely, I must say) in the industry in which I work about an RSVP bloke (who used to work in the same industry) with whom I was considering a date but he seemed too good to be true...I was advised by three executive employees (each from different areas of the industry) that the potential date has a long held reputation as a "sleaze" and had actually been terminated due to alleged sleaziness. Aaaarrgghh, I have no desire to date a sleaze!

Posted by: bellibone at April 3, 2009 2:53 PM

LaFreek, I just have to say, you sound like a good, secure human being to me. I don't think anyone wants those games you mention, the hard to get, the playing distant and all that malarky, unless they themselves are hideously insecure. People take advantage out of people because they have fragile ego's, sexual predators, men who scope a room for a good looking woman he would like to go home with and all that...its insecurity, thats why it happens, as he needs to feel studly. Its never a sign of confidence, its why I don't respect or desire alpha males, as they are insecure, ridden with ego, messy in the head and heart and not very confident, happy people at all.

A confident, happy human being is someone like yourself, yes you analyse yourself, maybe a little overly, but in general you have it sussed quite clearly and the only thing I can say, is I hope you keep talking, to as many men and women as you can, so that more women demand men like you and more men want to be men like you.

After all, its what we all want.........women want men like you and men....well men deep down want to be that life happy that proving themselves through pulling or chasing is really what justifies their existence.

One of my prime qualities in a man is he wouldnt know a woman was interested if she hit him in the face with it............equally he doesnt notice women as he is too busy living his life and unless one really strikes him, for being something special and out of the box from the rest.....he really is quite happy without one in his life..........and that LaFreek is what makes you a man, much moreso than any alpha in my view

Posted by: kungfumanda at April 2, 2009 1:07 PM

Kunfumanda, thank you. Jen, I tried many different names which were all taken. I often label myself a freak in view of the fact that I do feel like one.........in a good way. I have never had a one night stand, never initiated sex and have never taken advantage of a situation that involved a vunerable female. As far as men are concerened, I do seem like quite the freak indeed. I have explored these things about myself and considered they may be linked to feelings of insecurity or self esteem; but nope, it's simply who I am. I really do appreciate all the people and experieneces that have contributed to me being me. Ooops, back on topic. The fact is I have nothing more to say at this point; except this. If one must sell ones self to a person; using all the tools in the tool box to win a date with a person; then it's simply not meant to be. Things like playing hard to get and playing it cool (pretending not to be interested) simply make no sense to me....they're all games; and I detest games. But hey, this is coming from a guy who couldn't see a hint if it landed on his nose.... I detest hints. This is partially why I'm still single after some years; I just don't see, nor like, hints. If a lady is interested in me then she simply needs to do or say something directly related to the fact. I guess it all comes back to my passion for honesty. I must sound cold hearted, over-practical and insensitive, I'm not at all; I'm a Libran after all. Here's a recent example. I was at club and every time I turned the same lady was standing by; she even bumped me a couple of times. All my male, and some female, friends said "She likes you, she's trying to get your attention". Well if that's how one starts a relationship I'm doomed to singledom for life! I bump into people all the time in clubs; I may even find myself standing beside a lady I was standing beside earlier. Does this mean I'm interested? Nope. I'm truly dumb when it comes to all this hinting stuff.....I just don't get it at all.

Posted by: lafreek at April 1, 2009 10:17 PM

Surely if we are going to love a person they must have some quality that we find loveable. Is it their caring nature, Is it because they think you are great, are they just the best they can be...whatever it is surely it has to be much more to do with attraction and something tangiable and not something just pretty and shallow. For me to love someone I would have to know things that were loveable about them, things they do, things they say and who they really are. I think that is the most important thing for me is to know who they really are, not who they would like to be.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 1, 2009 8:46 PM

Posted by: lafreek at April 1, 2009 2:05 AM

Another excellent post lafreek. (I wish that wasn't your profile name btw. Doesn't seem to fit right for me.)

Instinct and intuition is paramount. When we think about it we always know. We really do. Out gut feelings are given to us for a reason. We must remember to tune into them.

And always be your authentic self - so true.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at April 1, 2009 8:32 PM

Posted by: istj54 at April 1, 2009 6:53 PM

Yeh okay, I was being optimistic, wishful thinking you know

Posted by: kungfumanda at April 1, 2009 7:35 PM

when in fact, love is rare, 95% of people we meet we shouldnt want to pursue...if it wasnt that way, love wouldnt be special at all

Posted by: kungfumanda at March 31, 2009 10:03 PM
...you are lucky, Kungfu...I'd say 99.99% for me:))

Posted by: istj54 at April 1, 2009 6:53 PM

Lafreek, I cheer men like you, I find alpha males insecure and a turn off....so yaaay you I say.

Posted by: kungfumanda at April 1, 2009 7:03 AM

Gossip, do you maybe think he wanted to spare your feelings? Do you maybe think that he removed the profile out of respect for you as you are here, that he didnt feel it good form for him to be here too? He could actually just be being nice, so denied it and then deleted, I know I would feel pretty bad if I were here and my recent ex was too, I would want to spare his feelings.

I don't see how anyone would get hurt if the girls he meets are dating properly, as if they just get to know him, without emotional attachment for a while, he may find he just gravitates toward a girl who wants to be with him that he connects with and finds he has moved on from the relationship without knowing or trying.

Is it not really moreso a shock to see him on a date site for you?

Posted by: kungfumanda at April 1, 2009 6:55 AM

As, I'm sure, we're all aware; the internet is filled with deciet and no dating site is exempt. For some, I imagine, it's a land of fantasy; a place where a person can be, almost, anyone they like. My last profile on here was named "HimAgain" and I copped a whole heap of crap simply for being me. I, openly, shared my views, opinions, thoughts and feelings, as I do in my every day life. I'm in touch with my feminine side and consider myself far removed from the average alpha male. I was constantly attacked by alpha males, who believed it was all a charade to attract the attention of women. I found myself in a position where I felt I had to prove who I was and that I was genuine. There's no doubt that many women do appreciate a person like myself; just as many appreciate the alpha male. Consitency won the day. I can't be anyone other than myself; I love who I am and there's no way I'd could change. Anyone who is being deceitful on dating sites will, at some point, be caught out and, in my book, why would one want to be anything other than the best person one can be; themselves. It's true that many people present the facade they beleive others want to see; to make a good impression. In my experience, kind hearted, genuine people appreciate those who are themselves and have no regard for those who are anything but. My advice to anyone, in any situation, is to be ones self; the very best person they can be. I beleive most people can see clearly through a false facade. It may not be glaringly obvious; it's more like "There's something about him/her that doesn't seem quite right". Trust your instincts. If you feel you must investigate a person to find out who they really are; chances are you shouldn't be inviting such a person into your life.

Posted by: lafreek at April 1, 2009 2:05 AM

I just recently discovered an ex bofriend of mine that i had recently split from with a profile...that wasnt an issue but when i asked him why he was on here, reason being..... because he is still so hell bent on having me back he denied this pfofile exists....To have every bit of detail listed so presisely and to the axact description of him, was annoyed that he wopuld lie and say it was a mate of his from Go karting hahahaha.
He removed this off the site so quickly hmmmmmmm i wonder why, but i am sure i will discover it on another and yet he will still denie...

very funny my old friend i said you are so full of it....
My point being that some people play games especially when they try to involve innocent others into their lives when not moved on from a previous relation ship.....beware to some i say

Posted by: gossip72 at March 31, 2009 11:26 PM

Oh Iaminperth, I am with you on that milky coffee. I am so glad that my coffee shop has just been bought by people who actually know how to make coffee, real coffee, that tastes like coffee.

I mean, even if you had dinner 5 times with a married man or woman............you only had dinner, it wasnt a relationship, you didnt kiss and hold hands........as you should be only getting to know each other. If after then you realise you havent ever been invitted to their house, they never accepted your facebook request, they never introduce you to their friends.......you are either dating a liar, a cheater or someone who is just not that into you (which doesnt make them a player contrary to many peoples beliefs).............but if your undies have stayed on, your emotions havent gotten all inflated and neurotic and carried away with the fairies based on fantasy....you have just had some nice dinners...........so there shouldnt be a problem.

I think there are too many people running around thinking there must be something wrong with the person, they must be a bad person, just as they didnt want to be with them.........when in fact, love is rare, 95% of people we meet we shouldnt want to pursue...if it wasnt that way, love wouldnt be special at all

Posted by: kungfumanda at March 31, 2009 10:03 PM

I agree Kungfu. Sometimes this over emotional over the top stuff gets a bit out of hand at times and I agree, a cup of coffee in a public place is no drama as it's easy to say thanks, good coffee and out of there. If the person is nice and you meet again for another coffee or something, so what, it's not a relationship, it's a cup of coffee. If you find out they are awful or definitely not your type, that's a bonus, better then than later. It's just a win/win situation so far as I can see, so long as the coffee is good. That's another thing, coffee. I hate this milky stuff they serve up nowadays I want a mug of black with small jug of cold milk on the side. I want some really good coffee and I don't like this watered down milky milo tasting stuff that some places serve.

Posted by: iaminperth at March 31, 2009 9:34 PM

I agree Tassie and I agree it's not a perfect world, far from it at the moment so I can't understand why anyone would think this is a perfect website and you are only going to meet people that you like. I mean, I don't think a person is bad if you don't like them as everyone has good points, but maybe you just don't like them. Maybe you are a picky person who doesn't like anyone, but I really think it's a silly expectation to like everyone you meet.

Posted by: iaminperth at March 31, 2009 7:09 PM

I also speak as a reformed and ex rusher in.........I was to some degree, always taking the victim poor wounded stance of always meeting players, liars etc etc.

In fact, the reality check is, a rusher in isn't any better, when just about every man they ever meet becomes the centre of their life overnight and utterly and totally special.....doesnt that make the rusher in a player and a liar too?

So liars and rushers in are in fact made for each other. While there are people who will throw themselves at anyone half decent in a whir of fantasy and delusion, there will be liars and players to offer their services.

Posted by: kungfumanda at March 31, 2009 4:35 PM

Posted by: kungfumanda at March 31, 2009 2:03 PM

Spot on.

Posted by: tassiedude1 at March 31, 2009 4:20 PM

The people who would want and need this, in my view, are the insecure rusher ins.

The fact is, if you hold off getting physically and emotionally involved with someone until you have been to their home, met some of their friends and actually become invited into their real life, then the problem isnt there.

All anyone would have done would be to have a couple of coffees, dinners with someone who was telling lies and nothing would be lost and they wouldnt be getting anywhere.

Its the people who cant keep their underwear on past the second date or think they are in love within two dinners who jump in and get hurt by so called liars and players. Noone ever gets hurt having a coffee with a liar.

Posted by: kungfumanda at March 31, 2009 2:03 PM

Oh dear Egernia, being asked for your licence ?? I wouldnt be handing it over either, not because I have told any fibs, but I wouldnt necaessarily be wanting a total stranger to know where I lived !!

Perth, you are right about the fibs`men tell about their height - all but two of the men I have met here (and I have been here far too long ) have fibbed about their height or their age. That just gives me a bad first impression and turns`me off straight up.

Posted by: jenjen57 at March 31, 2009 1:11 PM

On the 'verifying' question, a couple of years ago, I met up with a man who I had been corresponding with for about 3 weeks and within the first 10 minutes of our 'date' he asked to see my drivers licence. Naturally, I asked him why? He said he wanted to verify me! I laughed because I thought he was joking. Not. He was serious so I seriously refused to show it to him. This led to some very interesting conversation as he regaled me with his previous experiences. There was no connection between us but I still get the occasional email and I always ask him to verify himself :-)

Posted by: egernia at March 31, 2009 10:06 AM

Sorry perth I must have missed something. I was agreeing with your statement.

"a lot of things that are said on this site and now another are not true at all, it's all part of the game unfortunately. I find it a little sad that untruths are written so often to inflate egos. The trick is not to take it personally and realise it happens on here and in life".

And I agree again it would be nice to think that people are genuinely looking for a partner and in a perfect world that may be the case but you and I both know this is no perfect world. Maybe that's why people left.

Posted by: tassiedude1 at March 30, 2009 11:13 PM

Have to disagree there, so many people lie about age/height/weight and more importantly marital status. Height and weight always seem to be on the radar and one persons idea of average seems to be seriously obese for someone else. I think many men lie about their height as many women lie about their weight which all seems a tad shallow to me as I couldn't really care so long as it's not extreme. I agree with the separation though and it could make some members seem completely trustworthy, when the fact is they are not. I think the best way is to listen and talk prior to meeting and surely an average person can get some inkling of what that person is all about and if you feel a little edgy, don't do it. I cannot see what the harm is meeting someone in a public place for a coffee or whatever, as it doesn't take much to walk away if necessary.

Posted by: iaminperth at March 30, 2009 10:19 PM

Hi all :)

With modern LCD computer monitors, a torch is no longer necessary. If you're having problems illuminating RSVP profiles, it may be that your contrast is set to 0.

:)

On the actual question... I don't think such a system will work. People can't significantly lie about the obvious stuff (age/height/weight). People can lie about all kinds of non-obvious things, however, but most of those things can't be verified by RSVP.

The main problem with this system is that it will probably fall well below critical mass. Few people will sign up for it, and they're the ones who would be honest anyway. People will not be able to put a high value on this "RSVP tick of approval", because if they did, they'd be restricting themselves to a very small set of people.

Because most people on here aren't dodgy, it would still be very safe to engage with a non-verified member.

I can also see some other possible outcomes -both good and bad- of this system.

"Verified" members may seem like serial/professional daters.

On the other hand, especially if the "verified" status comes with some nice graphics or colours, it could just become some kind of super-RSViP. (i.e. its value isn't in the verification itself, but in the fact that the member paid lots of money, and therefore must be serious or wealthy.)

-DTRG

Posted by: dantheretiredgenius at March 30, 2009 9:51 PM

Hi Tassie, I would like to think there are people on here who are genuinely looking for a partner, not just someone to have a game with or create another notch on their belt. I certainly have met quite a few very genuine caring people over the years and still retain the friendship of a few. They are not here to play games, they are here to find friendship or love, a lifetime partner maybe. As adults I think that type of person is fairly easy to see through and dismiss and really it's a sad thought that someone thinks they are so worthless they have to create a whole new image of who they are. I find it extremely sad at times as they must be very lonely distressed people deep down.

Posted by: iaminperth at March 30, 2009 9:06 PM

Posted by: iaminperth at March 30, 2009 12:19 PM

Yeah I agree but isn't it all just one big game that just keeps going on and on. A bit like Monopoly, and the over inflated ego of it all makes you keep coming back for more. Problem is, in this game there are no winners, only losers and even the best player ends up losing most times.

Posted by: tassiedude1 at March 30, 2009 6:44 PM

Posted by: iaminperth at March 30, 2009 12:19 PM

Thanks, Perth. You have a good week. :0)

Posted by: ahappyending at March 30, 2009 3:23 PM

Don't stress Happy, a lot of things that are said on this site and now another are not true at all, it's all part of the game unfortunately. I find it a little sad that untruths are written so often to inflate egos. The trick is not to take it personally and realise it happens on here and in life. It's sad looking in at times as you know so many things written here are a figment of a persons imagination and has nothing to do with the reality of their situation at the moment. Must go, need to cook a few things for the week as working again tomorrow and usually stock up for a few days on Monday. I start at 6a.m. this week so won't be doing much before I go except a nice hot mug of coffee !! I'm going to take muffins in tomorrow morning for all the other early starters, it's only for a week, but we need staff and the muffins might soften the blow a little.

Posted by: iaminperth at March 30, 2009 12:19 PM

I don't see a real problem with people telling porkies or untruths in their profiles so much as I guess that is all part of life and I don't see how any site can regulate that. What I do see a problem with is the multiple profiles that people have under different usernames. Meaning if a person tells lies and is found out they could be reported and their profile removed. It does seem though if someone breaches the rules of the site they just set up another profile in a different name and there we go again. I can't see how a site can regulate the truth telling process to that extent but they could prevent that person setting up another profile and continuing the process I feel.

Posted by: iaminperth at March 30, 2009 12:12 PM

Just for the sake of my name, whoever said today, in her blog site, had spent an RSVP stamp to send me an email this month, please ask RSVP to verify it.

This just once again proves the importance of having profiles certified.

I really hope such identity mixed-up can have an end.

And in case you dont know, you are one of the bloggers that I do like for your sense of humour, although I am not joining in your blog site.

Blogging is something I dont have time to afford right now, although once a while I read selectively and post comments.

And because of the past half a year of my blogging in RSVP, I do have developed a sense of belonging here, in RSVP blog.

After all, this blog, not any other blogs, is the place that has helped me pass my hardest time. I appreciate it for it, so I will also stick to it.

Posted by: ahappyending at March 29, 2009 8:27 PM

Posted by: istj54 at March 28, 2009 10:05 AM

Thank you ("eloquent" ... I like that :-D ... but I can still talk trash when the spirit moves :-D). I found the process of writing the profile harder than writing any job application, as I'm sure others on RSVP can relate to. I'm as honest as I can be, given that we can only know ourselves as well as we *can* know ourselves, at any moment in time.

I'd like to extend this blog topic a bit and expand it to include: "what do we read into things (ie online comments) and why?". It's not *that* off-topic, and may help the author(s) of it in that it can reveal those things that may need confirmation, those things that we can be misled in (even though deception is not the motive of the person communicating). Also, if anyone has read my past comments on other blog topics, they will know that I'm interested in communication and what it means ... especially in this context - not that I have a lot to learn, or anything :-D).

I don't want anyone to think that because I think that this is a good topic, I necessarily approve of this idea of screening. I'm afraid I distrust this ... as I distrust any idea of censoring internet traffic. OK, there's a whole new can of worms!

:-D

Posted by: lafileuse at March 28, 2009 1:47 PM

...all you would have to do is verify your liscence or passport...sounds easy enough. I would happily do so ...but naturally these, too, can be fiddled with...but how many would go to that bother only to be found out later...how sad would they then look. Good idea, I say...as long as it was free:))

Lafileuse...agree with you too and will put profile back up...I think mine is honest too but who knows how others see us...each person reading will have a different take on us...so just be true to yourself and they can make their own minds up...you appear very genuine on the blogs...and very lovely, honest and intelligent...not to say eloquent...and, no, I won't be sending you a kiss...not that there's anything wrong with that.
Hopefully some new people will start to blog, Perth...even if their posts don't go up too quickly...I did amble over to the private blog for a read but prefer to be here...so, please rsvp start posting more often so that newbies will join in the discussions...pretty please:))

Posted by: istj54 at March 28, 2009 10:05 AM

I think this is a good topic for discussion.

Even if it were possible to verify profiles, would you really want to trust someone else's verdict (given that much that is profiles would be subjective)? While it would be nice to know if someone was real and not the alter-ego of another member, would the stamp of approval actually be that good for us? iaminperth said, "Buyer beware" ... and we have to keep this in mind, but would we be less cautious if we saw that RSVP had 'approved' someone? Wouldn't the tendency be to let RSVP accept the responsibility?

I think the factual things can be verified (how many children you have, what your work is, how tall you are) but are those the things that really attract you to a person ... the things, that if everything else was perfect, would be the deal-breakers? As far as the subjective things go, someone who might otherwise be great, might be given a poor mark because of their assessment of themselves on one or two points. As amberlight pointed out, "I THINK I am being truthful in my profile, but am I really as I see myself?" How would the RSVP judging panel see us? Would we be able to appeal their decision?

Posted by: ahappyending at March 26, 2009 5:59 PM

This is good, too.

With respect to blogging, I think it would make a difference if people could only blog if they had a visible profile ... verified or not. I like to see who I'm "talking" to, and often click the username of the author. This is in fact, a way to gain more insight into a person ... are the things they say in the blogs reflected in their profiles? These days, more often than not, the profiles are invisible. If someone is only in RSVP for the blogging, or whatever reason, surely they could create a profile that shows that. If there is a problem with one or more individuals, they could be blocked.

Posted by: lafileuse at March 27, 2009 9:26 PM

I think that the site is thinking of putting an additonal service on which would be chargeable. After wrecking the blogs so entirely that hardly anyone is bothering any more this is a bit laughable. Why would anyone have any real faith in the process if the blogs can't be run efficiently. There are so many topics at the moment appearing and no one is bothering with them. There are just a handful of us who have remained loyal to this system and then we are asked a silly question like this for another money making exercise. I think it would be better to clean up what you have and get some efficiency into it before introducing any new products.

Posted by: iaminperth at March 27, 2009 6:35 PM

I am curious to know how you can actually "authenticate" anyone on-line?
These days people with the know-how can hack into anything, so how could you ever be 100% sure?

Also as far as profiles go, I am not sure that any of us really "see" ourselves as other people do.
I am sure we all know people who see themselves as having a wonderful sense of humour, while people they work with or interact with every day, can see them as being sarcastic or insensitive to other people's feelings.
Or the person who tells everyone how honest they are, when other people find them to only be "honest" about everyone else's faults!

I THINK I am being truthful in my profile, but am I really as I see myself?
If you asked the people I work with or my children, would they recognise the person in my profile as me?
Maybe not, which would be most uncomfortable for me (but by the same token, I can't change those aspects of my personality that I don't "see" or acknowledge).
Actually, I would really like to know, but would I ask my friends to 'join' RSVP just to find out?
I'm not sure. I mean most people I know do know I have a profile on RSVP, but they don't know my RSVP name.
Even though I try to be uncomplicated and straight forward, I still find it a little embarassing.
And would your friends really want to be that 'honest' about you?
And keep the friendship!

(While we are about profiles, I have 4 children, but they are mostly grown now and not all of them still live with me.
Only two out of the four, yet there is no description in the "have children" drop down menu)

Anyway just some thoughts.

Posted by: amberlight58 at March 27, 2009 9:31 AM

I don't think it would work especially in the day and age when anyone can fudge anything and with the amount of women and men duped by the most ridiculous people, nigerian scams etc., what hope would this process have. I think a lot of people just accept the fact that someone has contacted them and seem to believe everything they say, which is such a shame, but hey, buyer beware!!

Posted by: iaminperth at March 26, 2009 8:25 PM

I don't think it will work very well. Even if someone can prove their age and where they live, they can still lie about their weight, height, occupation, marital status, children, smoking habits etcetera.

Posted by: britishracinggreen at March 26, 2009 7:34 PM

I think it is a good idea.

Also, is it possible that only certified profiles be allowed to blog? With veils on, it is likely less discipline would be enforced on our own when posting comments here, like the verbal attacks on each other here seen for the past half a year. I guess if this goes ahead, we can have the real time blogging again?

Posted by: ahappyending at March 26, 2009 5:59 PM