RSVP Blog
Practical or Pleasure?
With relationships aplenty behind you, if offered the choice, what would you choose of the following: a few days of total euphoria or a further 30 years of convenience? By the time we hit 50 (for some even by 20!) we've usually already experienced or had a taste of both the practical and the pleasurable. Practical relationships come in bucket loads. The relationships that you may not have hand-picked yourself - but they fell into your lap and fit in nicely in a geographical, timely kind of way.
Then there are the completely impractical ones that you chose yourself, carefully (or not-so-carefully) from the many apparent "fish-in-the-sea" - the kind that is by no means easy or comfortable - but is often more exciting than functional. So, regardless of whether you've experienced one or both kinds, which relationship would you opt for? The opportune or the impossible?
Posted by October 23, 2008 5:30 PM
Latest Comments
Hi needstobewithyou,
What a beautiful story you told, much too often we become complacent about our lives and the things in it...such as a rainbow...my motto is..today is the first day of the rest of your life...enjoy it...!!
Posted by: virgowoman2 at May 21, 2009 5:35 PM
Hello everyone this is my first comment so I hope i can keep up with the thread.
The comment " you should treat every day as your last" seems a bit final as being over 50 I would like to treat life as it would last a lot longer. So maybe we could treat each day as the first of a new begining and look forward to the next. I saw a magnificent rainbow once and i was by myself with no one else around, so I raced inside the building where I worked, it was the receptionist birthday so I told her i had a present for her outside and i showed her the rainbow, she started to cry and thanked me.It has taken me 50 years to learn appreciate everything and everyone around you they are put there for a reason.
Posted by: needstobewith at May 21, 2009 4:43 PM
Pray tell what does Bunnings have to do with this pleasure or practical topic. I think I have been missing out on something during my Bunnings experiences. Maybe it's a boy thing.....
Posted by: time4latte at May 16, 2009 5:14 PM
I love Bunnings. I had no idea it was the place to be seen and to meet. Thank you one and all for the insight. To use the quote,
"Tis a far, far better place I go to now, than I have ever been. Tis for a far, far better reason, I go there now, than I have ever known".
Posted by: jardinero2 at April 5, 2009 1:13 PM
Though there are many pleasurable things you can do on your own, pleasure shared is definitely the way. The blog introduction describes the topic as euphoria against convenience/practicality. This seems to be related to one of the other current blog topics: that of the honeymoon period. Euphoria is great, but it can't last forever. Sooner or later practicality has to come to the fore. Can the euphoric feelings be tempered by 'real life', so that they can exist alongside the practical? If they can't, can the relationship last, or do the participants just part and go on to find the next euphoric 'fix'? (been a long day, must be waxing philosophical)
Posted by: lafileuse at March 25, 2009 8:13 PM
I think that Bunning's shoppers may well be very practical...after much thought in the months that this blog has been running I must say that I am very definitely edging towards thinking that at this stage of my life I just want the pleasure from a relationship...I don't need to share the practical side of life with anyone...the day to day dross and drudgery can be done much more efficiently if not shared...I can do it all by myself...but the pleasure...nooooo:))
Posted by: istj54 at March 20, 2009 5:05 PM
OK, I give up!
I have been searching for the Over 50 and Fabulous blog, but keep getting directed here or to the feng shui one. What gives? Can anyone tell me in simple words how to get back into that? It used to be quite a good blog, and now I have time to actually write.
And now I am thinking about Bunnings. There is a new one about to open in Kirrawee, near where I work. I am looking forward to it - sounds like they should include a singles bar inside?
Lynn - moxielady
Posted by: moxielady at March 19, 2009 4:40 PM
Mmmmm .... Bunnings.
Wish we had one in town. Nearest one about 1 1/2 hours away.
:-D
Posted by: lafileuse at March 8, 2009 8:24 PM
Just back from the Women's triatholon supporting my neices, you know looking after bikes etc.
The fit young things were great to see but what really impressed me was the number of older ladies, some quite heavy, giving it a go and for whom just finishing was a major personal victory.
Good on you girls.
MAD
Posted by: makeadifference1 at March 1, 2009 3:20 PM
I was at the Innaloo store doing Daddy stuff with the cubs and their sausage sizzle all day.
MAD
Posted by: makeadifference1 at February 25, 2009 1:21 AM
I think I will go visit bunnings tomorrow.
Colleen
Posted by: fifilafume at February 23, 2009 11:14 PM
At Bunnings I always have my shirt tucked in, so I can get at my money fob for correct tender if possible. Sams as other shops.
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 21, 2009 10:11 PM
Posted by: makeadifference1 at February 16, 2009 2:28 PM
You can tell a lot about a person that hangs out at Bunnings : )
Posted by: forevernow1 at February 20, 2009 1:16 PM
Posted by: fifilafume at February 12, 2009 10:55 AM
Were they hoping you would find a lady at Bunnings MAD....
They are always trying to set me up with "hot chicks" as they call them.
MAD
Posted by: makeadifference1 at February 16, 2009 2:28 PM
Posted by: makeadifference1 at February 9, 2009 12:02 AM
Were they hoping you would find a lady at Bunnings MAD....
Colleen
Posted by: fifilafume at February 12, 2009 10:55 AM
MAD at 12.02am: Not just the opposite sex. Last time I was in Bunnings I bumped into an old high-school mate who was going later that arvo to a golden wedding BBQ for a mutual schoolmate, who'd been my family dentist till he retired 10 years ago and we lost touch. Serendipitous.
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 9, 2009 12:49 PM
And I thought my boy was taking me to Bunnings to buy tools!!!!
MAD
Posted by: makeadifference1 at February 9, 2009 12:02 AM
Posted by: vampirewoman at February 6, 2009 9:09 PM
me either....but there has been a moment or two when I have thought twice about it.
Colleen
Posted by: fifilafume at February 6, 2009 10:40 PM
Fi...yeah...just a shame they(blokes) don't realise it!
Posted by: artizanne at February 6, 2009 9:19 PM
Posted by: fifilafume at February 5, 2009 10:12 PM
You know I have always thought Bunnings was the ideal place for a single woman to find a man in need.
I have been given some of the strangest pick up lines while shopping in Bunnings; and one of the best, needless to say none of them worked on me...lol.
Posted by: vampirewoman at February 6, 2009 9:09 PM
Posted by: fifilafume at February 5, 2009 10:12 PM
You know I have always thought Bunnings was the ideal place for a single woman to find a man in need.
Colleen
Posted by: fifilafume at February 6, 2009 7:52 PM
Fi ...thanks mate.Shall readjust my attitude to Susso.Strange isn't it,still paying taxes so's you can get Govt.support.Funny old world.Re the Great Search....I shifted some of the criteria,cast a wider net and gave a wave.Was on the verge of joining a bowls club or trawling through Bunnings ,but wasn't on the verge of senility.
Posted by: artizanne at February 6, 2009 6:30 PM
Posted by: artizanne at February 5, 2009 4:59 PM
Posting this for the second times....with correction...!!
Thanks for your kind words. I am very fortunate as I never did buy into the shame attached to being on the dole.
I see it as my right and the right of all other folk who though not fault of their own now find themselves out of work.
I am willing and able to work and want to. and just because some greedy capitalists...doesn't mean I should feel bad about myself,
So.... one less leftie bloke for me.... I hope he is good to you and for you and of course you for him.
Good luck with that.
Colleen
Posted by: fifilafume at February 5, 2009 10:12 PM
fifilafume at 1:24 PM: I was talking about the 98% of men who do follow Marcus's model, not everyone. Wouldn't include outback, T/dude, featherless or me. Or Grego. And certainly not MAD.
There's a few of us want to get to know the person rather than just unwrapping their presents. Hang in there. There's a job and a bloke somewhere for you. Just loooook very hard.
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 5, 2009 9:10 PM
Fi....hang in there....don't hold your breath waiting for "Kev's Fine in 09" to reply...too busy walking on water.
As for leftish blokes......I've just stumbled across a wonderful chap,many kms away.....we're winging it.As for the dole...demeaning innit?as you said,ordinary folks,doing what's necessary,getting the low level harassment and liking it less.....chin up ....there's always hope........
Posted by: artizanne at February 5, 2009 4:59 PM
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 4, 2009 12:40 AM
"You got that wrong too. Unwrapping that external package is their real bonus."
If that is the real bonus for you guys then that is a real turn off for us girls. Like I have said many times before on this site, connection and intimacy is what really turns wormen on.
Anyway I did a search today, my criteria being
male 55 - 65 years of age,
not married,
taller than me,
politically left, a atheist.....(good reasons for this...less things to argue about)
and.in the entire state of western australia only 14 men fit that bill,.
Extended the search to the entire continent, 135, so if you subtract the 14 west australians that leaves me about 121 divided by 7 other states and territies,.....and average of 18 men in each state....slim pickings....
Colleen.
Posted by: fifilafume at February 5, 2009 1:24 PM
Posted by: makeadifference1 at February 4, 2009 12:14 AM
Leon, the revolutionaries revolutionary.
Ah yes, those were the days....
I wrote a letter the the prime minister on Tuesday after watching his rescue package to "support" jobs.
I enquired as to why one his government dept sacked all casual and contract staff last Friday when today he is spending huge dollars on a stimulous package to keep people in the work place.
Rather ironic I thought.
No reply to date.
Colleen
Posted by: fifilafume at February 5, 2009 1:10 PM
fifilafume at 8:03 PM: You got that wrong too. Unwrapping that external package is their real bonus.
Good luck with your job-hunting.
Last time I was on the dole (1974) I had a wife and 2 primary-school kids to support.
She was very philosophical about it. "You always work so hard, and when you change jobs you only take the weekend off, bank your accrued holiday pay and start the new one on Monday.
Now you can have a month or two's holiday on the government. The house is paid off and I'm teaching 2 days a week. We'll manage somehow, so don't stress."
But I did, and didn't enjoy any of the 3 months it took me to get a new front-line job on less than half the wages of my previous factory manager's position.
But it was only 38 hours a week, not 75, so I was able to start teaching management subjects at the TAFE as well, 3 nights a week. And then work from 10pm to midnight in my moonlighting business designing teaching transparencies for the Qld Education Department etc.
And she got a third day's teaching each week. It was so good that we had a little surprise the next year.
Something turns up if you look very hard, AND have been willing it to.
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 4, 2009 12:40 AM
Hey Colleen,
What we need now is some of the good old fashioned Trots. Do you rember they were always quite entertaining with there "First against the wall, Comrade, first against the wall" routine.
Posted by: makeadifference1 at February 4, 2009 12:14 AM
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 3, 2009 6:51 PM
Thanks for that timewarp1, you made me laugh and reminded me what I have already been told by a previous boyfriend and ex husband. Both trying to give me some good advice.
I keep forgetting and imagine that men might actually like me for who I am and that the outside package is just a bonus.
Silly me....
I will now go and write a dozen or so post-its and put them all over the house to remind myself.
Colleen
Posted by: fifilafume at February 3, 2009 8:03 PM
fifilafume at 10:47 AM: Don't stress, Colleen. 98.73% of them only want you for your body anyway. They don't care how you'd vote in the elections. Or if you do. As long as you do vote Yes for their personal referendums.
Time I rang my daughter to see if it's a good time to call in on my way to tennis, and give my grand-daughter her 6th birthday present. So nice to have them only 2km away.
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 3, 2009 6:51 PM
Posted by: iaminperth at February 2, 2009 11:39 AM
I spent an hour and half yesterday morning at my local centrelink office on a telephone signing on as I lost my job last week.
Between 8am and 9.30 am the queues were constantly at 30 people long ....mostly normal everyday people that you see on the trains and buses going to work every day. During that time there would have been close to a thousand people queued to hand in forms or sign on.
The supposed dreggs of society, those people who in the good old days (just last year) were the only visitors to centrelink were in the minority, maybe half a dozen in total out of the thousand or so.
" I don't think the people who have earned massive dividends to top up their super would agree with some of your views"
Many of these people would probably have agreed with you this time last year. I imagine their story would be quite different this year.
Sadly this is not going to get better any time soon, and as many more people become desperate, expect a rise in the crime rate more political activism, and god help us, riots in the streets.
Rampant capitalism is dead......long live.................
Colleen
Posted by: fifilafume at February 3, 2009 11:37 AM
oops........ just as well not many people read these blogs, as I think I have just eliminated 99.99 per cent of the male population of Australia considering me as a potential "soul mate".
Oh well,.....c'est la vie
Colleen
Posted by: fifilafume at February 3, 2009 10:47 AM
Posted by makeadifference1 at February 2, 2009 10:00 AM
"We are the people who didn't change our beliefs when it was fashionable to do so in the wake of the collapse of the Soviet Union (who were never true socialists)."
right on Mad......
although I think my beliefs are closer to "pure communism" .....socialism being the intermediate step between capatilism and communism. And you are right about the Soviet Union, not a true socialist state or for that matter pure communist state either.
Colleen
Posted by: fifilafume at February 3, 2009 10:33 AM
Posted by: iaminperth at February 2, 2009 11:39 AM
I've been paying super for over 30 years, but it's not going to be enough to support me in old age, particualarly since the ex stole my house and just about everything else I owned.
MAD
Posted by: makeadifference1 at February 2, 2009 9:13 PM
So you are saying that society has to support everyone to the end of their days and the person doesn't have to have any input in that at all. Why haven't you any superannuation, it's been a compulsory contribution for years, along with redundancy payouts etc.
Posted by: iaminperth at February 2, 2009 11:39 AM
We are the people who didn't change our beliefs when it was fashionable to do so in the wake of the collapse of the Soviet Union (who were never true socialists).
We are the "Democratic Socialists" who didn't became "Social Democrats" then "Economic Conservatives" and after the collapse of Capitalism are not the ones going the other way because we never lost faith.
Super dividends are only necessary becuase the capitalists scuttled the pension schemes. My father is on 70% of his final salary for life. When I retire I'll get a few years pay in cash and then be left to fend for myself for the rest of my days. Harldy an improvement.
MAD
They privatisationists very generously allowed the ordinary people to buy what they already owned. Now the asset is gone and institutions formerly run as as a service are now only concerned with making a profit.
Gary
Posted by: makeadifference1 at February 2, 2009 10:00 AM
whatever is an unreconstructed socialist? I don't think the people who have earned massive dividends to top up their super would agree with some of your views. Commonwealth had the highest shares running for ages and were offered to the general public at huge discounts to start off with. Unfortunately nowadays people want it all ways, and that just doesn't happen I'm afraid.
Posted by: iaminperth at February 1, 2009 4:06 PM
Posted by: fifilafume at January 23, 2009 9:57 PM
"At last MAD something that you and I agree on"
You'd be surprised how much we do agree on. Like you I am an unreconstructed socialist and proud of it.
The current failure of capitalism just reinforces my beliefs. If the dimwit politicians, state and federal, hadn't sold off the Commonwealth Bank and Bankwest they'd still have a tool to use to control behaviour that got us into the current mess.
Gary
Posted by: makeadifference1 at January 26, 2009 3:59 PM
Posted by: artizanne at January 25, 2009 1:36 PM
Absolutely artizanne all pleasure not the least bit practical also the whisky is a single malt far to expensive and good for cooking...
Colleen
Posted by: fifilafume at January 26, 2009 11:18 AM
Colleen,so yer a pleasurable person,eh! A practical one would've hidden the unopened bottle away ready for future gift giving....or the Christmas cooking....Gorgeous day here ,slight zephyr,next doors are about to throw their farewell to neighbourhood with the best playlist....
Posted by: artizanne at January 25, 2009 1:36 PM
Posted by artizanne at January 22, 2009 12:24 PM
The weather in Perth over the past couple of days has been delightful.
Faced with a 3 day weekend decided last night to taste a wee dram of my whisky.
As the glass approaches my mouth, the aroma filled my nose and radiated up to the top of my head......then the taste and my toes joined the party.
One is enough.....only thing missing is the cigarette...dam gave that up years ago.
Colleen
Posted by: fifilafume at January 24, 2009 1:25 PM
MAD & FiFi...at long last....a US president who actually speaks English........
Posted by: artizanne at January 24, 2009 12:15 PM
Posted by: makeadifference1 at January 23, 2009 4:32 PM
Dubya's not in the hot seat anymore. His fellow war criminals Howard and Blair are gone too.So maybe there is reason for hope again.
At last MAD something that you and I agree on
bravo...
Colleen
Posted by: fifilafume at January 23, 2009 9:57 PM
MAD...Yep........Hope.
Nice to see it emerging on the world stage again.......
In the light of the current American euphoria,shall we see a spike in their birthrate in the forthcoming months?
Posted by: artizanne at January 23, 2009 5:35 PM
Not to mention ending the illegal invasion of Iraq, closing Guantanemo and extending the hand of friendship to those who want to take it. Not a bad start.
Didn't he say somethng about extending programs that are delivering results and cancelling those that aren't.
He may be able to return the USA to a position where it is respected by many of the world's people which is clearly not the case at the moment.
Obama may not be the second coming but at least Dubya's not in the hot seat anymore. His fellow war criminals Howard and Blair are gone too.So maybe there is reason for hope again.
MAD
Posted by: makeadifference1 at January 23, 2009 4:32 PM
fifilafume at 10:20 PM: You got that right. Dubya's IQ is half of Bill Clinton's and 2/3 that of the average of the last half-dozen US presidents.
As to what Obama can do, it's not just him. It's the virtue he'll be able to mobilise in the country. He's already banned gifts from lobbyists to officials, and frozen admin. wages over US$100,000. Not bad in his first coupla days, I reckon.
Posted by: timewarp1 at January 23, 2009 12:53 AM
Posted by: artizanne at January 22, 2009 12:24 PM
Sorry....sometimes I am too dense to pick up on subtly....and yes....the whisky is still almost totally in tact in the cupboard. It has been too hot....so the white wine is being consumed.....
Did you hear the stupid bastard ol dubbya say he had "no regrets". What a fool.
Colleen
Posted by: fifilafume at January 22, 2009 10:20 PM
Posted by timewarp1 at January 22, 2009 1:12 PM
oh dear....on reflection I now realise that on Tuesday evening I visited my account page and inadvertently reset the eligible for the top 100 back to yes, ...as I had previously said no....
I was looking for some kind of information in relation to my fury at the blogs and posts being culled.... .
And about "o" bummer as he is currently known in the uk, I think it is said in a fond kinda way......his black and white heritage is what I think makes him so acceptable to so many.
He is now growing on me, as I am a true blue Hillary fan.... .....
but when I was living in the UK when Charles began to date Dianna, and I hate to admit that for the first couple of weeks the media seduced everyone to thinking they were in love with her, myself included.
I got over that pretty quickly.
Like everyone else I would like to think that Barack can "save" the world, but unless he is the second coming....I don't think so.
Colleen
Posted by: fifilafume at January 22, 2009 10:13 PM
fifilafume at 11:53 PM: Well, he's actually only a half-caste, but like some of our locals who loudly claim aboriginality because they have 1/16 indiginous blood, he's not making a lot of noise about his paler heritage. Too ordinary even to bother mentioning.
And I haven't heard anything to explain your own rapid rise to stardom, except your claim to be "totally lacking in prudery" at 9:38pm on the 19th. Was that it?
Posted by: timewarp1 at January 22, 2009 1:12 PM
Fi...to clarify,.....too hot to slug whisky,at least round here.But a bucket of G&t is refreshing.....& how are we going to be entertained by the Yankee antics now 'ol "dubbya" has shuffled off?
Posted by: artizanne at January 22, 2009 12:24 PM
Posted by: timewarp1 at January 21, 2009 10:03 PM
Helllloooooo!! Is there anyone in there?
Just hanging in......timewarp1.....trying to create some interest...
Can you imagine MY shock.....wake up one morning find a black man the president of the usa and lo and behold. fifi went from nowhere to No.1 overnight.
Don't know how that happened.
Colleen
Posted by: fifilafume at January 21, 2009 11:53 PM
Posted by: artizanne at January 21, 2009 10:24 PM
hmmm...don't think I am getting your point.
Colleen
Posted by: fifilafume at January 21, 2009 11:47 PM
Fi...... I did...but you still haven't 'fessed up as to how much of the bottle is drained.....not quite the weather for a ....."wee sensation"...more of a gallon of G&T
Posted by: artizanne at January 21, 2009 10:24 PM
Helllloooooo!! Is there anyone in there? Or have they hidden the gateway to the blogs so carefully that no-one can find them?
I'm just back from a heap of work day and night during the last week, and lo, fifi's No. 1 in the wrinkly top hundred!!!
Must search for other blogs to see what you said, to make that happen.
And welcome, melvat. Please stay with us, and offer more pearls of wisdom. Seeyez.
Posted by: timewarp1 at January 21, 2009 10:03 PM
Posted by: artizanne at January 19, 2009 10:56 PM
check out special times special gifts.
Colleen
Posted by: fifilafume at January 19, 2009 11:12 PM
Fifi....was just on the blower to a great gal pal,re these blogs,told her that I'd found her long lost cousin....to check out your profile......nice to see more feist.....how's the uisge a beathe going ?(rough spelling)
Posted by: artizanne at January 19, 2009 10:56 PM
Posted by: artizanne at January 18, 2009 5:32 PM
Yep...the only problem I have with all this Myers-Briggs stuff is I know myself pretty well.
I am a .RRFS>>>>>A fighter for the rights for free speech, .....and apparently a loner,. a fighter, totally lacking in prudery, a survivor, and I also claim the qualities of unapologetic romantic, a narcissist, a leftie, and a atheist.
Anyone care to join me,
Colleen
Colleen
Posted by: fifilafume at January 19, 2009 9:38 PM
Posted by: melvat at January 17, 2009 7:04 PM "Well, at last I�ve succumbed: I�ll go to bloggery. I�m driven to it by the discussion of Myers-Briggs. " WELCOME to 'bloggery' Melvat! I hope you keep sharing your thoughts with us in the future as well. I am glad you included your MBTI type in your profile, others might consider doing the same one day.
MBTI is a useful guide when it comes about understanding ourself also about understanding others. Like you said - it is actually liberating! Knowing that none of the types are better than the others - suggests that we are allowed to be who we are without the need to change our core selves. The same way we should not try to change others into our own ways of functioning.
I have recently completed DISC at work, do not have the results yet, but I am curious about the insight it offers. This is the first time I heard about this test, my organisation used the MBTI before.
Thank you anyway for joining the discussion about MBTI. I am glad I started it, at least we have a new member!
Posted by: marika56 at January 18, 2009 7:29 PM
Ditto.La Fil...I finally was seduced by that little MB test.....I have previously viewed those sort of tests in the same light as other fashionable indicators of personality types....western and Chinese astrology et al.
Amusing parlor games.
Well strike me pink...she's a rare INFJ....explains a lot...or does it?There again,wish it were true what they say about Dragon Aries.....off for a stiff drink....
Posted by: artizanne at January 18, 2009 5:32 PM
Well, at last Ive succumbed: Ill go to bloggery. Im driven to it by the discussion of Myers-Briggs.
With a big writing interest in character profiling, I agree with suggestions that the MBTI is helpful in mating, and Id like both to endorse that and add some thoughts. Ive certainly posted my type on my own profile, and I look for it in those of others. Its true that those with some small experience can often spot their polar opposite in many profiles.
Half the reason a lot more people are not using this mechanism is that they dont really see whats behind it. It also offends some people to be seen as belonging to a type. Personally, I find it liberating, this being only a parcelling together of a number of behaviours. Be seen with a bag walking through the gates to a swimming pool on a very hot day, and its odds-on youll soon have wet hair. One behaviour follows another, and when enough people have seen and categorized this it becomes to a degree predictable and could even make a typology. Thats what MBTI is about, in relation to peoples orientation to life, behaviourally and emotionally. There seems to me to be nothing wrong with this, nor does it require so-called scientific validation. It works well pragmatically and while it shouldnt be overemphasized, it can save a whole bucket of time and trouble when its understood and properly applied.
Introverts: prefer to relax alone
Extraverts: prefer to relax in company
iNtuitives: think in unconnected abstracts
Sensers: prefer and look for realities
Thinkers: like logic and look for sequences
Feelers: respond from a highly personal standpoint
Judges: like to tie up loose ends and deplore the unfinished
Perceivers: like to leave potentials open and deplore closure
Mix these together (there are sixteen combinations) and we have the potential for good and bad relations. For instance, the J and P options cause most trouble in the workplace because the J types want to sign off on things early and the P types want to keep looking for better solutions. In a marriage this can sometimes resolve in simple ways, such as the J type becoming the one who sits down every Tuesday night at eight on the dot and pays the bills, but if it isnt understood it can be permanent grounds for irritation.
Keirsey, the current big wheel in MBTI, has a concept called The Pygmalion Project. Were intuitively attracted to those of the opposite dominant functions, and then after the romantic time is over, at close (domestic) quarters those opposite qualities start driving us quietly nuts, and we set about trying to change our partner to be more like ourselves, thereby undermining the basis of the attraction. Not very smart, but very human. It seems to me that understanding this is tremendously useful and empowering.
Theoretically, any type can mate with any type. In my experience, the most enduring romantic partnerships come where both partners have either two or three functions in common. If only two are the same, its important that the core two (NF, NT, ST or SF), which make up the overall temperament, are not both different to the two core functions of the partner. In other words, to use my own example, as an ST, I find the NF to be so different in approach that it would make long-term close-quarter partnering more difficult. An NF might still be quite attractive to an ST, though, initially. Its more in the long haul that the problems start. We all use all of the functions to some extent, and human beings are masters of adaptation under the pressures of the day(ting), so it may take a while before the truth comes out.
No typology is perfect, but in all societies and ages theyve existed because they have practical value. Ive found great use for them, always with one proviso: everybody will fit well in some and not well in others. Sometimes it pays to look further than just one.
Anyway, concerning the blog topic, my conclusions are that its appropriateness of type that makes for both short and long term connections, and thats at the base of both romantic and companionable relationship success. Theres more than just MBTI concerned, though. In the three Ayurvedic constitutional types (kapha, pitta, vata), humans seek out difference, to the point where Ive never yet seen two people of the same type, as classified by the Indians, in a successful relationship. Further, in the Hippocratic Temperaments (melancholic, choleric, sanguine, phlegmatic, which are just the western version of the same system) we seek out our direct opposite, without fail, and our radar is uncanny in doing that, too. And seeing colour was mentioned below, I might just say that the temperaments and the colours we choose to wear are heavily connected, and so the colours in profiles also betray a lot of information about us if we only know how to read it.
Cheers
Melvat
Posted by: melvat at January 17, 2009 7:04 PM
Posted by: timewarp1 at January 16, 2009 1:54 AM
lol sorry hun I know it was the only way..sorry everyone..
have a great day..
:))Nel
Posted by: enchantinel at January 16, 2009 10:21 AM
Nel at 2.43pm: I think you get the prize for the longest RSVP blog-post yet. Marcus is probably still buried about 4 metres down below the surface.
Does anyone remember what happened to the open convertible in the movie "Harper Valley PTA"?
Posted by: timewarp1 at January 16, 2009 1:54 AM
Posted by: iaminperth at January 14, 2009 11:28 PM
I am surprised at you Perth!
Marcus frequently uses the word "dear" when he is frustrated that we women seem to not understand or accept his point of view!
Marcus is more than a little patronising when it suits him, so why not return the favour occasionally?
Posted by: amberlight58 at January 16, 2009 1:20 AM
In all fairness to Marcus I did a little research on that research you are talking about By Richard Noll, hun, as I hadnt heard of it myself..I think its fair that the truth should be noted so people can make up their own minds on this and not just heresay so I wish to add...
That the author of the Jung Cult, and others,whilst indeed respected in his field of psychology and science (I might add). Himself saying that Jung was not a big player in Zurich during the reign of Hitler and attracted USA and England moreso, also that he noted positives in Jung's ideas and that Hitler got his eugenics ideas from the USA (his words) which was mandatory sterilisation of the insane and criminals.. Be careful the statements you make as you can really set hysteria off when you link those two Jung and Hitler, they had nothing at all in common and were not in anyway affiliated..
As well as that in his wanderer interviews, a lot of what Noll says about Jung is hinted at and not noted, the family has never releaased the red books of Jung, so its left open to the times and interpretations of others.. This is where it becomes dangerous..When you skim under the surface of peoples private lives, sexual and ancestry, you can really make a circus out of interpretation if you so wish..
Noll left the church himself at 14 not believing in any sort of religion and is rather science based. This in itself says that he was not a huge believer or fan of anyone making waves in spiritual or pyschoanalytical terms..
It is also noted Freud did not leave Jung it was the other way around Marcus, due to the pscyhosexual nature of Freud's theories which also alienated Erickson who developed his own theories to do with emotional development of children. I studied his theories at university for 4 years as part of my education degree..
Jung cheated on his wife, and did have involvement with woman but most reviews I read on the book say that it was not any more shocking the information of jungs private life to many others especially these days...Jung had ideas relating to a part of the mind that others had not developed. the collective unconscious.. Noll describes him as a polytheist.and pagan..Interestingly when you come from a purely scientific base you are not usually open to any ideas out of that mainstream of thinking.. As with Noll yet he could not really discredit Jung's theories rather focused on his life.. and infidelities and family background to form his basis..
Marcus I think its only fair that you are objectional when discussing this as you can encourage misinformation about things that are not as big as you make them to be the truth always stands between what people say and what is believed, its up to individuals to make up their own minds..
My apologies for writing this huge peice again, yet I think we need to be clear of the facts here to make appropriate choices and have two sides to debates also..
I respect you Marcus and I believe a lot of what you say in your posts, yet not all as we evolve as human beings, not all of that is relevant so much now..
So in saying that I am adding this exert from a respected information source on Jung just so you can be clear about who the man actually was...
And it is still noted that Jung's theories are being and have been used by psychotherapists, psychoanalysts and in the field of psychiatry. It forms many basis on which they can be built further and evolve as it is presently..
The Swiss psychologist and psychiatrist Carl Gustav Jung (1875-1961) was a founder of modern depth psychology.
Carl Jung was born on July 26, 1875, in Kesswil, the son of a Protestant clergyman. When he was 4, the family moved to Basel. As he grew older, his keen interest in biology, zoology, paleontology, philosophy, and the history of religion made the choice of a career quite difficult. However, he finally decided on medicine, which he studied at the University of Basel (1895-1900). He received his medical degree from the University of Zurich in 1902. Later he studied psychology in Paris.
In 1903 Jung married Emma Rauschenbach, his loyal companion and scientific collaborator until her death in 1955. The couple had five children. They lived in Ksnacht on the Lake of Zurich, where Jung died on June 6, 1961.
Jung began his professional career in 1900 as an assistant to Eugen Bleuler at the psychiatric clinic of the University of Zurich. During these years of his internship, Jung, with a few associates, worked out the so-called association experiment. This is a method of testing used to reveal affectively significant groups of ideas in the unconscious region of the psyche. They usually have a disturbing influence, promoting anxieties and unadapted emotions which are not under the control of the person concerned. Jung coined the term "complexes" for their designation.
Association with Freud
When Jung read Sigmund Freud's Interpretation of Dreams, he found his own ideas and observations to be essentially confirmed and furthered. He sent his publication Studies in Word Association (1904) to Freud, and this was the beginning of their collaboration and friendship, which lasted from 1907 to 1913. Jung was eager to explore the secrets of the unconscious psyche expressed by dreaming, fantasies, myths, fairy tales, superstition, and occultism. But Freud had already worked out his theories about the underlying cause of every psychoneurosis and also his doctrine that all the expressions of the unconscious are hidden wish fulfillments. Jung felt more and more that these theories were scientific presumptions which did not do full justice to the rich expressions of unconscious psychic life. For him the unconscious not only is a disturbing factor causing psychic illnesses but also is fundamentally the seed of man's creativeness and the roots of human consciousness. With such ideas Jung came increasingly into conflict with Freud, who regarded Jung's ideas as unscientific. Jung accused Freud of dogmatism; Freud and his followers reproached Jung for mysticism.
Topology and Archetypes
His break with Freud caused Jung much distress. Thrown back upon himself, he began a deepened self-analysis in order to gain all the integrity and firmness for his own quest into the dark labyrinth of the unconscious psyche. During the years from 1913 to 1921 Jung published only three important papers: "Two Essays on Analytical Psychology" (1916, 1917) and "Psychological Types" (1921). The "Two Essays" provided the basic ideas from which his later work sprang. He described his research on psychological typology (extro-and introversion, thinking, feeling, sensation, and intuition as psychic functions) and expressed the idea that it is the "personal equation" which, often unconsciously but in accordance with one's own typology, influences the approach of an individual toward the outer and inner world. Especially in psychology, it is impossible for an observer to be completely objective, because his observation depends on subjective, personal presuppositions. This insight made Jung suspicious of any dogmatism.
Next to his typology, Jung's main contribution was his discovery that man's fantasy life, like the instincts, has a certain structure. There must be imperceptible energetic centers in the unconscious which regulate instinctual behavior and spontaneous imagination. Thus emerge the dominants of the collective unconscious, or the archetypes. Spontaneous dreams exist which show an astonishing resemblance to ancient mythological or fairy-tale motifs that are usually unknown to the dreamer. To Jung this meant that archetypal manifestations belong to man in all ages; they are the expression of man's basic psychic nature. Modern civilized man has built a rational superstructure and repressed his dependence on his archetypal nature - hence the feeling of self-estrangement, which is the cause of many neurotic sufferings.
In order to study archetypal patterns and processes, Jung visited so-called primitive tribes. He lived among the Pueblo Indians of New Mexico and Arizona in 1924/1925 and among the inhabitants of Mt. Elgon in Kenya during 1925/1926. He later visited Egypt and India. To Jung, the religious symbols and phenomenology of Buddhism and Hinduism and the teachings of Zen Buddhism and Confucianism all expressed differentiated experiences on the way to man's inner world, a world which was badly neglected by Western civilization. Jung also searched for traditions in Western culture which compensated for its one-sided extroverted development toward rationalism and technology. He found these traditions in Gnosticism, Christian mysticism, and, above all, alchemy. For Jung, the weird alchemical texts were astonishing symbolic expressions for the human experience of the processes in the unconscious. Some of his major works are deep and lucid psychological interpretations of alchemical writings, showing their living significance for understanding dreams and the hidden motifs of neurotic and mental disorders.
Process of Individuation
Of prime importance to Jung was the biography of the stages of inner development and of the maturation of the personality, which he termed the "process of individuation." He described a strong impulse from the unconscious to guide the individual toward its specific, most complete uniqueness. This achievement is a lifelong task of trial and error and of confronting and integrating contents of the unconscious. It consists in an ever-increasing self-knowledge and in "becoming what you are." But individuation also includes social responsibility, which is a great step on the way to self-realization.
Jung lived for his explorations, his writings, and his psychological practice, which he had to give up in 1944 due to a severe heart attack. His academic appointments during the course of his career included the professorship of medical psychology at the University of Basel and the titular professorship of philosophy from 1933 until 1942 on the faculty of philosophical and political sciences of the Federal Institute of Technology in Zurich. In 1948 he founded the C.G. Jung Institute in Zurich. Honorary doctorates were conferred on him by many important universities all
over the world.
Thanks for your time again now I will be off :))Nel
Posted by: enchantinel at January 15, 2009 2:43 PM
marika56 at January 12, 2009 11:19 PM:
Thank you very much for those unusually kind sweet words, which I've just seen - I'm working hard this week, and just taking this blog-break before lunch.
Bit of a contrast with MsPerth's post at the same minute, which I suspect was also aimed at me, but she rarely names names.
Except noticeably at 11.28pm 14th. (Where I disagree, BTW, and say "nice norty beak tweaks, Nel!")
..............................................................
And thank you Marika for direct access to the M.Briggs as a self-classifying tool.
I'm not at all upset by people getting different scores at different times. When I was bankrupted by my most impatient creditor in 1999, my blood-pressure came down 20 over 20 in 12 hours, because I was suddenly off the hook. I'll bet my MyersBriggs, Disc or any other emotions-diagnostic tool would have also seen a sea-change.
...............................................................
Very interesting to see the gynormous knicker-knot which this topic produced in our resident physical scientist.
Reminded me of something from my days as an engineering student at UQ in the mid 1950s.
Our applied maths II lecturer was explaining the difference between pure maths and applied maths.
Pure maths starts with a very few basic axioms and argues logically step by step to a conclusion. If you can't follow and verify every step of the argument, you can't trust the conclusion.
Applied maths does that when it can, but when it gets to a brick wall with left-brain logic, it asks the inventive right brain to 'brainstorm' - to try to dream up some revolutionary 'what ifs' out of left field.
Then it checks whether they would work in practice, and if so, happily uses an illegitimate mental step to help solve the problem. His example was recent - design of an aeroplane to fly supersonic, and not fall to bits in the process.
Pure mathmaticians, he said, then overlook the usefulness of the breakthrough step, and focus on denouncing its illegitimacy because it's not a logical argument from first principles. (Personally, I think the only suitable place for knockers is on the front of chicks.)
Hey, this is what I'm seeing here. Once again, our studious friend is working hard to prove that he's a pure scientist of the most fundamentalist kind.
He's trying to discredit a large body of useful inter-relating HYPOTHESES, just because they were PARTIALLY arrived at from memories of the past (that's what anamnesis means, according to the fattest of my 3 dictionaries) and/or from inspirational leaps, and not all from rigorous scientific experiment.
As dear Perth (duck with Nel) has remarked in the past, I'm not a qualified psychologist, but I've dated half a dozen or so current practitioners through RSVP, and they all told me that that body of knowledge/set of working hypotheses based on Jung's ideas is the most useful tool in their shrink-box.
Back to Marcus. I was interested to watch while his denunciation of Jung's intellectual ideas (because of where they came from, not because they're inaccurate) soon slid into a denunciation of Jung's politics and his sex life.
Just like Rugby - forget the ball, and get the man. Good soapbox politics perhaps, sir, but poor science, IMHO.
Marcus, I heartily agree that the pure-science definite-knowledge approach through neurophysiology is the way to go in the future, and I was entranced to read that rats who'd learned a maze could still remember it after the memory part of their brain had been excised.
But when I taught management at the TAFE in the 1970s, one of my slogans was "A good idea doesn't care who has it. Let's benefit from it anyway."
So I sincerely believe that it's egotistical partisan arrant folly, NOT to use the unproven but useful empirical knowledge which is the best that we have in the meantime, to improve the lives of millions of suffering people. Back to work. Seeyez.
Posted by: timewarp1 at January 15, 2009 1:25 PM
Just clearing up my post for Perth this exert came from a published journal, incase there were any crossed wires..In developing I meant simply the naming of diagnosis of and thus treatment of said disorders,(autism is not an illness, you dont tend to catch it)
I shall now go back to my under 50 posts and leave you guys to it..
I dont tend to post things ridiculous without knowledge or intelligence, I have worked with Autistic children whilst teaching and have ample qualifications in these areas.. I may have differing ideas to you, yet am open to all ideas, and seek truth from within rather than judgment made by others..
Again thanks for you time hun..
(By Robert Williams Jr., June 12, "Health24 New"s)
Autism is not a modern problem, even though it has only recently gained vast recognition. It is difficult to discuss the history of autism treatment without paying particular attention to the history of "autism" as a concept and the ways in which autism has been conceptualized and theorized about over the past 100 years.
The ways in which we understand . The history of autism is not a linear one, and regardless of the past or present debates over treatment, origin or outcome, as Swiss psychiatrist Eugen Bleuler first introduced the term autism in 1911. Autism and autistic stem from the Greek word "autos," meaning self. The term autism originally referred to a basic disturbance in schizophrenia, in short, an extreme withdrawal of oneself from the fabric of social life, but not excluding oneself.
Bleuler also coined the term ambivalence to designate one of the major symptoms of schizophrenia, the others being autism, disturbances of effect (emotion) and association (thought disorders).
Thanks for your time :))Nel
Posted by: enchantinel at January 15, 2009 1:18 PM
Posted by: iaminperth at January 14, 2009 11:28 PM
I dont attack your posts dear, so best you dont attack mine..Ive picked up on a few of your comments towards me not that it bothers me in the least hun. I neither make remarks in rude or condescending ways, how do you know Marcus isnt my hunnipie.. Its really none of your concern, but thanks for the insight, I shall take it on board. Perhaps you could take a few on board yourself, seems your very good at remarking on what others should think or say..whist remaining mysterious in your posts..
Have a nice day..
Thanks again
:)))Nel
Posted by: enchantinel at January 15, 2009 12:55 PM
Posted by: laughsandtalks at January 15, 2009 7:07 AM
LMAO crap pancakes wow lucky me, well my pancakes tend to work for me.. Where do you get all that information so twisted, much of it untrue, and from your scientificpsychocobabble perspective..Yet each to their own if it rocks your boat and is workin for ya,,what can I say hunni, except one day may you see the light baby boy...
:)))Nel
Posted by: enchantinel at January 15, 2009 12:49 PM
Jung was a malign crackpot Nel and it widely understood. He is best characterised as a cultist or religious nutcase. There is an unreleased body of his work where he has discussions with the dead.
He said his own work was 'art' not science. He has virtually no scientific credibility, either historically or in any contemporary way. He very likely suffered from what would be recognised as severe psychiatric illness. He once claimed to be the deification (not defaecation) of a mythic lion. At a 1925 seminar Jung plainly said, ''The animal face which I felt mine transformed into was the famous Leontocephalus of the Mithraic Mysteries.'' Jung presented this flapdoodle as a dream, not a real event, but according to Noll, who wrote the award winning ' THE ARYAN CHRIST
The Secret Life of Carl Jung', Jung believed it to have been real.
He has recently been called "The most influential liar of the 20th century", "The apostle of perversion", the "existientialist cowboy" and many others. The Jungian panoply of archetypes, the collective unconscious and so on, may be simply a byproduct of ''cryptomnesia,'' or ''implicit memory,'' which is ''implicated in such contemporary issues as 'false memory syndrome' in cases of alleged child abuse,'' Noll says. ''If so,'' he concludes, ''the collective unconscious may still be said to exist, but only on the shelves of Jung's personal library.''
Freud was Jewish and he took Jung on as a disciple because he was aryan. They split because Freud could see he was compromise scientific understanding for psychanalysis.
Jung was a willing tool of the Nazis to legitimise their abhorrent racial theories. He provided Hitler with lunatic foundation justifications based on his racial memory ideas that directly led to Jewish persecution. As some one put it; "To the Swiss shaman-cum-psychophilosopher Carl Jung, the swastika was an archetypal symbol, a rotating mandala that signified a `projection of an unconscious collective attempt at the formation of a compensatory unified personality'.
He shagged many of his female patients or 'disciples' as he referred to them as.
Jung had a habit of uttering unchallengeable psychological generalizations he could have culled from psychologists whose methods are more scientific than his own. He then inserts vague statements about the need for spirituality, the interest of other religions than Christianity, and finally a few untestable controversial claims about the inner realm and the collective unconscious. Sound familiar
Your addled new age beliefs and frequent invocation of the new age metatwaddle that some consider Jung a father of suggests, as I am fond of saying, a mind so wide and gullible that your brains have likely fallen out of your backside and you now crap pancakes.
Marika .You have your finger on it dear. "Psychology IS HEAVILY based on scientific evidence" It is at best a social science and a declining one. Neurophysiology and other hard sciences may be considered so are statistics etc but psychotherapy and psychanalysis most definitely are not scientific because they rely on anamnesis.
Cheers Marcus
Posted by: laughsandtalks at January 15, 2009 7:07 AM
What is all this 'hunnipi' and 'dearest' stuff. It seems like it is such a condescending way to address a person especially when trying to make a point about empowerment. Marcus is neither your hunnipie, your hunni or your dearest. I find that particularly rude and certainly not the way anyone with manners or intelligence would write. Bleuler didn't develop schizophrenia or autism. They are both illnesses, nobody developed them. I find that post so condescending and parts of it totally ridiculous.
Posted by: iaminperth at January 14, 2009 11:28 PM
As an introvert who is too smart for her own good, I'm extremely practical so when I get away from it all, ie., what's going on in my head, I seek pleasure whether it's sexual or eating out or drinking lots of red wine and swimming in the middle of the night, so I tend to choose very impractical relationships...or I would if I could but nobody seems to want a traveller with cold feet. Have had short term pleasurable relationships in the past, so I know it works for me.
I must mention though, that being practical only works when I'm self-employed. When I work for someone else, I'm rather lackadaisical; thoughts of free-living consume me.
So, practical or pleasure? I think things through but I still follow my heart...bit of a Roussseau enthusiast.
I'm far too scientifically minded for Jung.
Posted by: britishracinggreen at January 14, 2009 11:27 PM
Posted by: laughsandtalks at January 14, 2009 7:38 AM
Not entirely true hunni, your distorting the facts Jung indeed worked with the profoundly mentally ill, and also with Freud, his theories formed the basis of Alcoholics Anonymous the 12 steps and many other areas within psychology.. It might interest you also that synchronicity might seem hocus pocus to you but to anyone who has experienced these moments in their life would think otherwise..Jung had diverse spiritual teachings, both within his family and from many cultures he studied he didnt speak out of his ass dear he observed and noted and his ideas were accepted and embraced by Freud, he worked with Eugen Bleuler who developed schizophrenia and autism, along with many others..His ideas didnt always fit into mainstream psychology, yet were not discredited and as psychology evolved his theories were even now with the new dynamic movements relating to the human mind. .His work in the mental health area with schizophrenia, in particular, gave insight into the mind and he also studied the collective unconscious and mood/thought patterns affecting the mind. ........
Jung was able to explore theories amply during his time at Burgh�lzli, where he witnessed the most profound mental illness cases such internal schism. In his later role there as chief physician, he developed word association experiments to understand and study phenomenon (building upon the work of anthropologist and explorer Francis Galton). These studies not only validated the earlier work of others, but also determined that material with related emotional content tended to become grouped together in the psyche, evolving into dynamic clusters, or "complexes".
Jung was respected hunnipie he based his theories on observations and experience in the field, his ideas are growing now with dynamic psychology also and are being embraced. He is said to be the beginning force of the new age movement..As with all theory it is not absolute but that is the case with any theory including science...
Where he and you differed is he believed that we place too much emphasis on science and too little on what is within our own psyche dearest..He would find you interesting tho I imagine he would think perhaps your shadow side is quite dormant and supressed and needs to be integrated wholely rather than just the skateboard thingy, its time to go to the next level sweeti..;))
Dont discredit the tarot, or visionaries the real thing not the take money and pretend type..I have an older phillipino friend who is rather amazing at what she sees, and is never wrong, including death in her own family they are alive and well..In other cultures particulary.. Dont knock it till you have indeed tried the laws of synchronicity, you might just be surprised with what you see.
There is more to life than science and frankly science changes with the wind anyway its not all its cracked up to be at times..
Jung believed fundamentally more than anything else, that the power lies within each of us, that connection to the eternal us through spirit/god whatever we wish to call it, dreams and visions/visualisations, help integrate all parts of the mind/spirit and gain a wholeness which is in all cultures and has been for thousands of years..
He was a visionary one who noted his own dreams all his life, had profound psychic visions, including that of his own death just before he died..
If your mood changes the outcomes will change,in those tests, its exactly what happens when we think negatively as apposed to optimistically, we attract what we put out, its simply the law of synchronicity..
It makes sense to me the tests would change depending on your moods dear..They are not the be all and end all they are merely a little insight into yourself at that moment they are taken, nothing else..
I know Im not in my 50's but really wanted to respond. and I checked it so hopefully no stuffups today hehe.
:)))Nel
Posted by: enchantinel at January 14, 2009 10:55 PM
Posted by: blueyedblond at January 14, 2009 12:31 PM "They will give you more insight into personality that tarot cards but not to be used as the sole assessing criteria." that's correct. And the online test is there, as I said , FOR FUN only - to learn about ourselves, to understand ourselves a bit more. Only registered psychologist have access to the original test and they have the right to fully analise the results - the scores have a meaning too.
I was asked to do the test 4 times in last 9 years - twice at the university as part of my training, ones I agreed to be part of a research project where the test was used to gain insight into certain personality types that were most suitable for a certain job. And ones I was tested as part of a selection process for a job. Each time I got the same personality type, but my scores varied, I became more balanced as a result of inner changes, but my personality type did not change.
Anyway, this is definitely not a tool to use on its own. Everybody interested in MBTI and it's scientific value, just google for MBTI and read about it.
I can tell by now that there are some people here who enjoy looking for faults in every posting, so they cannot see the value in anything. They argue or constantly disagree for the sake of disagreement, can point out hardly anything positive about others - a form of attention seeking (if you shock others with your comments, you will get their attention regularly).
I do not intend to argue, I do not want to prove anything, I do not feel the need for that - I just shared the MBTI with intention to help those of you who are interested to learn about yourself in more depth: about your weaknesses and strengths! That was all. I have researched and used MBTI for quite a long time and I find it very informative and useful especially when it comes to differences in communication. It's a reliable scientific tool.
And I would add: Psychology IS HEAVILY based on scientific evidence!
Posted by: marika56 at January 14, 2009 10:40 PM
:0) I only did both tests once. And have no intention to do it second time. :0)
I have made blogging too heavy before. But really I just love to have some laughter.
So, girls, no need to worry I would have any intention to take your sweetheart away. Firstly, anyone seeing me in person would be put off straight away by my look. As such, knowing my unattractiveness, I think I would just sit as a wallflower and see if there would be any mercy thrown upon me. :0)
And I have no intention to exchange emails with any bloggers, so please forgive me if this intention has upset you before.
Posted by: ahappyending at January 14, 2009 10:23 PM
I did the test this morning and was INFJ. Did it again later and apparently I am ISFP in the evenings.
I thought I answered truthfully both times
So it is not something that I would take too seriously, or for that matter use as a tool to choose a romantic partners. Maybe I will do it again tomorrow morning, see what happens..
Colleen
Posted by: fifilafume at January 14, 2009 8:25 PM
And the following is another personality test based on color. :0) I think also quite accurate. But anyway, no need to be too serious, just for fun if anyone would like.
Posted by: ahappyending at January 14, 2009 8:11 PM
:0) I think it is more for fun. But no harm done to take the test now that it is available. Mine is INFP.
Posted by: ahappyending at January 14, 2009 8:01 PM
Posted by: auntykaz at January 14, 2009 4:43 PM
I did notice, and had a wee look at yours. You look and sound like a smart, interesting woman. I really like to put a face to a post. Makes it more interesting for me
Colleen
'
Posted by: fifilafume at January 14, 2009 8:01 PM
I've worked extensively with organisational behaviour and teambuilding and find Myers Briggs one of the more useful tools for communicating effectively. Anyone can lie and invalidate the test, but most want to know their type so play the game honestly. I'm ENTP by the way, that's Extrovert/iNtuitive/Thinking and Perceiving, so I see big pictures and possibilities and leave the minutae of analysis to others.
It can be useful to see how alike or different you and a potential partner are, but you can hardly ask someone to take a series of tests before getting together! Although I do ask prospective intimate partners to take a mutual health test. Romantic or not, somethings I'm not prepared to leave to chance!
Posted by: roaminronin at January 14, 2009 6:36 PM
Posted by makeadifference1 at January 13, 2009 8:18 PM
"maybe soften it a bit" a wee bit presumptuous don't you think. Although some men think nothing of telling women "how to".
During my professional working life I was involved with legal advocacy in the Family Court. Most of my clients were men, as I have no problem with helping people regardless of age or gender, to overcome discrimination.
"20th century screaching radical feminist tone" ...the cry of the misogynist.....
I admit with pride to being a radical feminist....but don't recall every SCREECHING.
Colleen
Posted by: fifilafume at January 14, 2009 6:13 PM
Posted by: blueyedblond at January 14, 2009 12:31 PM and laughsandtalks at January 14, 2009 7:38 AM
I've taken the Myer's Briggs a few times and gotten slightly different results each time. I think mood and your recent experiences can affect how you answer the questions. The test I thought was a hoot was the MMPI (Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory). I had to take one when I applied to be a foreign exchange student years ago. I suppose it told someone something, but I can't imagine such gems as whether or not I thought I was more constipated than other people was going to have much to do with my success in a foreign country. (Although, a bit of constipation might be useful on those long haul flights.)
:-D
Posted by: lafileuse at January 14, 2009 5:55 PM
Colleen, you profile is in no way intimidating in my opinion. Had a peek this afternoon and l think it is a very well put together profile, and your pictures are fantastic!!.........K
Posted by: auntykaz at January 14, 2009 4:43 PM
Posted by: laughsandtalks at January 14, 2009 7:38 AM
:0) It is really hard to resist not to be lippy every time your new post is up. :0) I guess for any of them I can do a lengthy counter post, but that would be too time consuming although once a while it is a big fun. And waiting for more paver slugs? No way. :0) So here is my shorter version.
I did the test yesterday, and the result was quite accurate. Well, I am not going to tell you about my type :0) --------- unless you also do yours and tell me yours first. :0)
Cheers
:0)
I dont deny looking forward to your postings to make my day. Yes, yes, I know they are only intended for someone elses eyes not mine. Ok, ok, I duck. :0)
Posted by: ahappyending at January 14, 2009 1:08 PM
laughsandtalks at January 14, 2009 7:38 AM . I can't believe I am going to say this but I agree with you. Once you have done a few of these tests you usually work out what you need to answer. My son is psychologist and he said they are just one of the tools used. There are variables to be taken into account with every test , mood, attitude towards such tests .etc. If you do 3 in a row the probability is that u will get 3 different answers. They will give you more insight into personality that tarot cards but not to be used as the sole assessing criteria.
Posted by: blueyedblond at January 14, 2009 12:31 PM
marika56 January 12, 2009 11:19 PM
You wrote: "
I just wanted to share this with you, some of you who are interested in psychology, human mind and the dynamics of relationships might be interested to explore your own MBTI type (its a real scientific tool used by organisational psychologists)those who are not interested, please just ignore the message have fun!J"
I've had a bit to do with Myer's Briggs Personality Testing and I can assure you that it is not a scientific tool at all and no more accurate a predictor than random chance. It is based on Carl Jung's notion of psychological types. Nothing Jung did was scientific; he had absolutely no interest in statistics; the only statistical test he did in his lifetime was one on Astrology. All his observations were anecdotal or 'observations of facts' as he calls them.
In many cases MBTI it is worse than chance and almost always shows less than 50% repeatability for result when the same subject is tested even at short intervals. In fact in MBTI no behaviour can be used to falsify the 'type' and any behaviour can be used to verify it.
Isabel Myers Briggs made some egregious howlers in the preparation of the tests because she used self validation as her reference there was no real effort to get a statistically meaningful group to gather information from.
In fact psychology is not a science, it is a humanities discipline with a bias to philosophy. The working method of a psychologist is based to a large extent on what he or she tells about their behaviour, anamnesis, the recalling of things past.
MBTI is probably no more portentious than other innane hocus pocus like enneagrams, seeing, crystal ball gazing, Tarot or astrology.
Cheers Marcus
Posted by: laughsandtalks at January 14, 2009 7:38 AM
Practical or Pleasure? Give me pleasure anyday! Whilst I admit that all long-term relationships have a practicle aspect to them, without really being fond of your partner, what's the point? In my humble opinion, if you settle for someone due to the practicle side of things, then your relationship will be hollow, unfulfilled and probably destined for failure.
Posted by: jovial67 at January 13, 2009 10:57 PM
Fish in the sea well I am not so sure.
There are just so many players that I had meet in the past that lie about their age, their circumstances with their divorces, their needs and how relentless they can be and demanding once any connection is made.
I know that men spend much money to gain attraction and some spend none.
Which is worse which is better?
I would love to eventually settle down and be Mrs Wonderful with Mr Wonderful. I know that for sure.
I know that I want honesty and expect it as a given as I like to be honest.
I know that I tell the truth and do not lie about my age or circumstances so if the only option is Utopia or 30 years of convenience I am checking in to be a nun.
What the??????????????????????????
Come on Elida is this topic really about that or peoples inability to cope with one another?
Cheers big ears
xxxxxxxxxKaz
Posted by: kazziwazziwoo at January 13, 2009 10:47 PM
Posted by: timewarp1 at January 13, 2009 2:37 AM
"The woman usually chooses/kisses you..."
Your experience is interesting. I have only sent 3 kisses to men, and that was on my first day on RSVP (end of September 2008). Two have never replied, and the one that I later expected the "Haven't your read my profile!" response from sent me the one thanks, but no thanks refusal that is both polite and respectful. Expected, because in my delirium at finding someone within a few years of my age who was looking for a woman of my age, I neglected to read that he was only interested in those within several Km of his postal address ... not me. Oooops. Full marks to him! If I was into naming names, I would recommend him as a gentleman.
Since having one all-too-brief dating relationship from RSVP, I have decided that as I only want to be with someone who *really* wants to be with me (and that my radar is apparently too underdeveloped to discern that myself at an early stage), I haven't sent out any kisses except those meant to encourage (and I never sent 'kisses' just 'smiles'... kisses seem forward to me for a first contact - am I old-fashioned, or what? :-D).
Posted by: fifilafume at January 13, 2009 9:02 AM
"For me sexual exclusively starts directly I have been sexually intimate with someone."
I agree, and I have the seemingly un-American, un-Clintonesque broader view of what constitutes sexual intimacy. Much broader.
"I find it annoying to blog with people who you can't see."
I agree with this as well, and while I went invisible for a brief time (mentioned above), I see your point entirely; I wasn't blogging then. I like to "see" who I'm "talking" to. I will create a "different profile" for those occasions in future (ie save separate text for changing my profile when I'm blogging only and do a "cut and paste" to change my profile as needed.
Posted by: lafileuse at January 13, 2009 9:34 PM
Thank you Robert....I don't think it is intimidating and certainly didn't intend it to be.
Colleen
Posted by: fifilafume at January 13, 2009 8:47 PM
Posted by: fifilafume at January 13, 2009 10:23 AM Many folk have said that my profile is intimidating....strange because that is not my intention.
Maybe soften it a bit, and I don't know what you like in real life, but the part that puts me off is the 20th century screaching radical feminist tone of some of your posts. It reminds me of the women I meet repeatedly who think that discrimination is terrible unless a women, any woman, is the beneficary.
Many men, me being one, simply aren't interested in being discriminated against.
MAD
Posted by: makeadifference1 at January 13, 2009 8:18 PM
Exclusivity........Ok..my take on this...Is...If after the first meeting you find there is a mutual attraction then it would be polite and decent to hide ones pics and put off other prospects ,this is usually a mutual agreement . Then if both parties find there is a mutual desire to have a test drive to see if they can satisfy each others needs and do so , why not...have an innactive profile. Unless of course....all they want is a free ride and there are many like that ! There are other sites for people like that . Bragging about ones sexual exploits is a sign immaturaty !.......................Now on Colleen's profile...if it's read as it's written I don't think it is intimidating at all . Robert
Posted by: mrbike56 at January 13, 2009 3:32 PM
Posted by timewarp1 at January 13, 2009 1:44 AM
"I don't know whether those men actually do lack the stamina, or whether they've previously found by extensive market research that there are plenty of other women around, who'll require them to jump through fewer hoops on the way in."
That's the thing...anything worth having is worth fighting for, but the most common thing said to me by the men I have met is that I purr more often than I bite.
Many folk have said that my profile is intimidating....strange because that is not my intention.
Colleen
Posted by: fifilafume at January 13, 2009 10:23 AM
Posted by: aqueousdb66 at January 12, 2009 8:55 PM
For me sexual exclusively starts directly I have been sexually intimate with someone.
There is no talk about it, it just is.
Hopefully I have already learnt enough about him via email and telephone calls before meeting to know who I am dealing with. The same must apply to him.
I left my profile up while I was seriously dating a guy, purely for blogging, and stated that on my profile. I could have hidden my profile, but I find it annoying to blog with people who you can't see.
Colleen
Posted by: fifilafume at January 13, 2009 9:02 AM
aqueousdb66 at 8:55 PM: OK, I'll go first. Honest Injun.
In my experience, Marcus is right. The woman usually chooses/kisses you and then it's usually she who first says How about it, usually somewhere before the 4th date.
At my time of life, the first time is just a road test, and if you're offered one, it would be a bit unchivalrous of a bloke to say No Thanks.
I've said that a few times, and she's always disappeared immediately in a puff of smoke. I've lost a good friend each time, because 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned'. If she wants all of you, most of you will definitely not suffice.
If the road test is mutually beneficial, and the woman is someone I really like to spend time with, why not formally and officially commence a short-term relationship, there and then?
When I was a teenager it was called 'going steady' and it only involved not kissing other girls for the duration, let alone anything more intimate.
It was planned to last for as long as both partners would find in the future that they wanted it to.
For me now, that means leaving my RSVP profile visible, but it now says I'm looking only for friends at this time.
Any kisses already in train continue as far as first meeting stage, where I say that I've just met someone rather nice in the last couple of days, and would they like me to get back in touch with them later, if that doesn't work out, as things so often don't?
It's less complicated for me because I'm planning to have my own place until I retire at about 80 (in 7 years time). Just be at her place for a couple of days a week (mine's too small for two) and kick in for her grocery bill, share motel expenses during weekends away etc.
When it stops working for either one of us, we stop going steady. As you do, before and after the captive breeding stage.
Whose take on this, next?
Posted by: timewarp1 at January 13, 2009 2:37 AM
fifilafume at 10:45 PM: Thanks for your honest reply.
I wonder if Ms Stephenson pinched it from Fi Fi la Pong, or vice versa?
...........................................................
You said "I think the chase involves a great deal more than a kiss, an email, a telephone call followed by a coffee."
I couldn't agree more. I think the chase only starts some time after that coffee - and also after the following couple of meetings where you decide if the other seems worth chasing anyway.
Do you demand that the man must do all the chasing, or are you less co-dependent than that?
............................................................
I don't know whether those men actually do lack the stamina, or whether they've previously found by extensive market research that there are plenty of other women around, who'll require them to jump through fewer hoops on the way in.
................................................................
Your profile does portray you as a bit of a man-eater, and that probably intimidates 95% of the punters, right from square one. Good strategy when you are only interested in alpha alphas.
Posted by: timewarp1 at January 13, 2009 1:44 AM
In find people who boast only do so because they have nothing to talk about and it inflates their egos. They know they are small and insignificant so they try to bolster their egos by boasting about their conquests and sexual prowess. Mostly people will indulge them for a while and then eventually ignore them when they become so borish. It's so sad, but then again it shows a nasty aggressive personality with no real attachment to the world they live in. They are the type of people I am not at all interested in, self serving tedious old bores who have never really done anything to help anyone else in their lives and they usually end up alone and very sad. Funny how nature sorts things out in the end.
Posted by: iaminperth at January 12, 2009 11:19 PM
Bill, first of all thank you for your positive thoughts and your willingness to share your views with me! I appreciate that!
I always read your comments with smile on my face! I like your style, intelligent approach to every issues raised here, respectful manner, healthy approach to differences in opinion, nice ways of expressing yourself, and sensitivity to others' feelings.
I admire you for being so active and full of life even though you are in your 70 ies! I truly wish you best of luck in finding that right woman! Maybe something comes out of those forthcoming dancing classes???? You never know!
It is nice to read that you made friends with some of the woman you met. Some of the men I met were really interesting, I wished I could stay in contact with them although I was not interested at all in a relationship with them.
But they did not seem to have time for a friendship only, they were too busy focusing that search. Which I understood. Still, it is just so nice to hear that you appreciate and keep every interesting, stimulating contact going! Good on you!
I guess I just do not fit well in this era of instant gratification, and I am not even going to try to fit. I am happier if I remain true to who I am, and I know in my heart that I will attract the right man (perfect for me) when the time is right. I do NOT want to be admired, I want to be loved. My ex admired me - so I know the difference.
I know my views about relationships are the reflections of my personality type, and others with a similar type will understand me easily. The rest will never understand me and I will never understand them, so there is no need to try all we need is to accept that we all have different views and thats fine.
I would like to share something interesting with you all now its about personality types. There is a web site where you can go and do a quick online test called MBTI (Carl Jungs Meyers Briggs Personality Inventory). Its great fun and you will learn about your personality in real depth: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp
Ones you get the test results just google search for your type. Have fun! It's very useful! I am an INFP and I KNOW when I meet people who have NF in their type, because I just click immediately with them. We just understand each other without any effort.
However, with people who have ST in the middle of their type name I do not even try to make myself understood, because I know it is not possible. Simply because we perceive and process information differently, different things matter to us.
I wish us people on RSVP can have in our profiles our personality types included too - like star signsit would be truly helpful.
I just wanted to share this with you, some of you who are interested in psychology, human mind and the dynamics of relationships might be interested to explore your own MBTI type (its a real scientific tool used by organisational psychologists)those who are not interested, please just ignore the message have fun!J
Posted by: marika56 at January 12, 2009 11:19 PM
Posted by: aqueousdb66 at January 12, 2009 8:55 PM
I think exclusivity most likely starts when you both feel comfortable and don't want to see other people (intimately).
As far as profiles being rendered inactive (I assume you mean hidden).... it shouldn't really matter if they are not rendered inactive at all, surely if you decide that you are seeing someone exclusively, then you will not send out kisses and if you are sent any, you will reply "thanks, but no thanks" or some other suitable reply, I think there is a ' not at the moment' reply. Apart from that, the less active a profile is, the less it attracts attention anyway.
There are no hard and fast rules, some people will reach the point sooner or later than others. there may even be a time when we meet someone and it all becomes hot and steamy really quickly but nothing else develops, you both have a fabulous few weeks/months and part ways. There's nothing wrong with that, provided there has been openness, understanding and agreement about it- no manipulations, scheming or lies.
If you go looking for love and happily ever after, you have to accept that you may encounter choppy seas along the way.
Posted by: aquamanda56 at January 12, 2009 10:47 PM
Posted by: timewarp1 at January 12, 2009 4:45 PM
Tea? Coffee? Moi? is a quote from Fi Fi Fume, a cartoon character from the Tiny Toons Advertures,
Fifi is a female parody of Pepe La Pew. She is french, sulty and flirtateous. When she falls in love she will go to the ends of the earth to capture her prey.
I think she is adorable.
Am I Simon's nemesis? I don't know, ask him, but he certainly needs chastisement from time to time, wouldn't you agree.
I find sluttyness in either sex ugly. Boasting of conquents, stupid and demeaning to those who engage in this kind of self grandiosing.
I am deeply attracted to discerning men who keep their sexual realtionships private.
I think the chase involves a great deal more than, a kiss, an email, a telephone call followed by a coffee.
Most men don't have the stammina required in my chase scenario. So there.... I have lifted the veil a little for you.
Colleen
Posted by: fifilafume at January 12, 2009 10:45 PM
Okay everyone, let's take our rose-coloured glasses off for the next few posts. This is the sexually liberating naughties. You have met someone you're compatible and attracted to. After more than a few dates you are being physically intimate, that is having sex although terms of engagement have not been negotiated. When should the exclusivity begin, the deep and meaningful relationship conversation take place, the profile rendered inactive, if at all?
Posted by: aqueousdb66 at January 12, 2009 8:55 PM
Posted by: aquamanda56 at January 11, 2009 9:48 PM
Nicely put....keep posting......
Posted by: artizanne at January 12, 2009 6:23 PM
fifilafume at January 11, 2009 8:10 PM: Your girlish modesty in that post absolutely amazed me.
Is this the woman whose profile headline copies the immortal TV Air-hostess-skit trademark of Billy Connelly's later wife: "Coffee? Tea? Or Me?"
Is this the woman with the best naughty Perfect-partner description in the known world? Is this Simonyeti's dark nemesis?
What I need to ask is this: Are you so disgusted by the thought that a man might have bedded a lot of women in his time, or is it the thought that a lot of women might have got thei jollies from that same very generous, accomodating man?
I'm with the fish-and-chips redhead on this one - please explain?
PS: I also question your clearly explicit presumption that a man's many first dates would lead uncomplicatedly to nearly or as many actual road tests. What does that say about your evaluation of his marketing skills, and/or their level of desperation?
Hey, I'm probably the profligate multiple first-dater that you were talking about. My actual statisics crossed with your post today - three road tests so far in 3 years from over 400 sent kisses, and most of 200 first dates. I reckon it's lucky I'm more dedicated to the chase than you say you are, considering how much better your bait is than mine.
Come on fifi, now you come clean too.
Posted by: timewarp1 at January 12, 2009 4:45 PM
woodnwine at January 11, 2009 11:33 PM: No Michael, I just type it in the teeny little window, read it back for typos and to improve the worst clumsy sentences, and hit Post.
But if I feel I'm sailing a bit close to Moderation Reef, I copy it and paste it to a file, before I post it. Then if the whole thing sinks, I can go back and quickly pull some of its teeth, before trying posting again.
Posted by: timewarp1 at January 12, 2009 3:44 PM
aquamanda56 at January 11, 2009 9:48 PM: Yess!! I wish I could have put it so well. I was trying to, but you are the wordsmith.
Posted by: timewarp1 at January 12, 2009 3:36 PM
Posted by: aquamanda56 at January 11, 2009 9:48 PM
Well put.
:-)
Posted by: lafileuse at January 12, 2009 1:10 PM
Been reading everyone's comments on exclusivity when pursuing a 'contact' and thought I would throw in my two cents worth.
I don't expect a man to stop contacting, 'kissing' or emailing others as soon as he starts emailing me; I certainly don't. I would continue to look until I have been through the coffee stage and then a few dates.
If that person seems like someone I would love to get to know more then I would stop browsing until I or he had decided we weren't compatable.
I would not expect a man to stop looking just because we were sharing emails and had coffe once because I certainly wouldn't.
I also agree with Marika that lots of emails and phone calls before meeting can lead to preconcieved ideas about that person. It is easy to build up an image of someone in your mind and this can quickly lead to disappointment when they don't meet up to your imaginings.
Posted by: vampirewoman at January 12, 2009 11:23 AM
marika56 at 7:09 PM: Hi J. Many thanks for your detailed reply to mine. I enjoyed tennis so much more tonight, now I've got over my post-Christmas unfitness from seasonal overeating and over-drinking. Came home at 10.30pm and did 3 hours' $$ work while my metabolism was up. Now some hobbyblogging before I'm sleepy enough to snore.
I think the main difference between your approach and mine is that I am looking for someone I feel is my equal. I don't want a goddess to worship, or a disciple to worship me. That's not democratic.
I want someone who'll admire and respect me ABOUT as much as I admire and respect her, and THEN I'll look to see if she turns me on. Left brain (evaluator/calculator) has the right of veto, before right brain gets to start fantasising blissful futures.
My experience to date shows that for me, a highly-intelligent university-educated very energetic youthful male aged 73 and located in Brisbane, there aren't many of my equals out in the marketplace.
After crossing off the first dates where we didn't click, and/or they aren't prepared to devote 6 to 8 undistracted hours a week to focussing on their main man (whoever he is) on an ongoing basis, I've found the numbers so far to be:
For 2 in 10 of the remainder I've decided (or she has) that she is too much my better for it to be equal, and for 7 out of the 10 I've decided that she's definitely not my equal in the things that matter to me. That left about 1 in 10 (12 in 125) as possibilities.
Of these, I've had brief relationships with 3, of whom one is now back in my life as a non-romantic friend, since we've both come out of later relationships. She has started working for me in my business one evening a week, and we're now talking about going to rock and roll lessons together this autumn, once it's cooler.
Several more have become good but always platonic friends, still in touch so far after up to 2.1/2 years. The others lasted for up to about ten or twelve dates, before she pulled the plug or I did.
Nothing there that I'd ever get my knickers in a knot about. Whether it's the internet or your local tennis club, you meet someone who looks like a possible goer, and you get to know them progressively without any anxious/egotistical pressures / clinginess warning bells from them, trying to put the blinkers on you before you've both decided to give it a real go.
Then and only then do you privately and publically go exclusive/hide your profiles etc, AFTER you've discussed and agreed that you both want to have a trial relationship, in the hope that it will then continue into a longer one.
...............................................................
I don't suggest people look for a romantic partner only on the internet. I've used the newspaper Personals in the late 90s to contact about 400 women advertisers, and have stilll got a few platonic friends I met there. Boxing Day 4-hour lunch with one of them and 3 mutual friends.
And I've trolled for the last 12 years through the memberships of a number of social organisations that are not designed primarily to find people partners.
The result of all this research? In the city, if you're not a bar crawler, you can't beat RSVP.
But you can have unreasonable requirements for others' behaviour, which diminish your chances of finding anyone anywhere.
Even without making it purposely hard, because you plan to fail, and then blame everyone/anyone else for that failure. Which I'm not suggesting you're doing, but many certainly are.
Good luck in everything you try in 2009, J.
Bill
Posted by: timewarp1 at January 12, 2009 4:03 AM
timewarp - I hope you copy and paste.
Posted by: woodnwine at January 11, 2009 11:33 PM
I think I know what you think marike - but it's a long walk to your place!
Posted by: stephen54 at January 11, 2009 9:59 PM
I can't believe it, I'm going to come to Timewarps defence......
"when you say that you are on RSVP for 3 years and despite that intense search and dating several women at the same time you have still not found that Right-enough partner" I don't believe he said he was 'dating' several women at one time...meeting and having coffee, getting to know others...yes, that is NOT dating. That is normal social behaviour.
This is how I am looking at it; RSVP is our mutual friend, we are introduced to new friends by RSVP, one, two maybe three at a time, sometimes we exchange some emails, sometimes we go have coffee or a drink to 'get to know each other' - the same thing happens when we meet people through friends or work mates, yes?
Exclusivity does Not start at the first face to face meeting, we need to get to know each other. I think it is a bit precious for anyone to expect that just because you meet face to face once that you stop meeting other people.
If you decide you are going to meet again and that goes well, that's great..it's still not exclusive time. If it went so well that there is buzzing happening and it looks like something more physical is on the horizon... then we are starting to look at putting off any other contacts. This is still not quite a relationship, this is the start of dating.
The exact same thing would happen if the introduction had been made outside of RSVP, surely.
Put it this way; if a new guy at work asked you out for coffee, would you suddenly stop accepting any other offers of coffee and consider yourself in an exclusive relationship? I don't think so. Teenagers behave that way as they blow each interaction out of proportion.
Only very rarely the unexpected happens.
Posted by: aquamanda56 at January 11, 2009 9:48 PM
Posted by: marika56 at January 11, 2009 7:09 PM
I'm with you on the multiple dating by some people on this site.
I have been on here on and off for three years and have only date two men seriously. I have also dated two guys casually and had coffee dates with another 2 or 3. .
I find it a huge turn off the number of women some guys claim to have dated..... and presumably bedded.
Colleen
Posted by: fifilafume at January 11, 2009 8:10 PM
There must be an awful lot of elderly women in that one area in Qld, over 400 it seems, although I suppose there must be a few going towards the coast. Talking all the time about sex with the elderly especially when nearly 20kgs overweight paints a very gruesome picture in my mind, although some of the very elderly demented ladies would giggle loudly I suppose, then then again some of them would just scream and hit you over the head.
Posted by: iaminperth at January 11, 2009 7:56 PM
Timewarp1- when you say that you are on RSVP for 3 years and despite that intense search and dating several women at the same time you have still not found that Right-enough partner who would believe that you were a good catch and vice versa, I tend to think that something is wrong with this kind of dating busyness. It actually puts me off now, and makes me believe that I am better off spending time and money on being active in the community, doing things with like minded people – that way I have more hope to come across that man who will be just right for me.
I understand your point of view and I appreciate your effort to explain how you see RSVP dating. Although I disagree with you, I am open to hear what you are saying. I like to see things from others’ perspective.
I recognise that I am a bit more of that ‘traditional’ type of a woman who wants and gives exclusivity when it comes about a relationship, and it never crossed my mind that a man who dates only one women at a time might be desperate or needy! Two men I met through RSVP actually put their profiles on hold while they were pursuing somebody who they liked, simply because they found it too confusing and distracting talking to several women at the same time. But I guess it has to do with personality differences, not just values and believes. So it is fine to be different, we have to do whatever feels right for us and not what others think is right to do.J
Posted by: marika56 at January 11, 2009 7:09 PM
marika56 at January 10,11:36 AM: I admire your 'self-esteem', but need to add an aspect of practicality to your sentiments.
RSVP profiles have a fair bit of detail, but as said below so well, you don't begin to know if you might click, until you meet.
My experience after sending out about 400 kisses in 3 years has been that if I send 3 kisses to carefully-targeted local women over 60, I'll get one ask for my email, one tell me quickly that I'm not on her shopping list thank you, and the third won't bother to reply at all (usually the prettier ones with a wine glass in their hand - I've finally given up on them completely.)
I hurry to first meeting stage as advised below, but it can often take 2 and sometimes 3 weeks. In the meantime I keep sending out 2 to 4 kisses a week, so that I'm not wasting my life's chances/ putting all my eggs .....
So at the moment I met Ms Possibly-Right-Enuff I would have an average 3 to 6 kisses outstanding, which will soon lead to one or two requests for an email.
As a thinking man looking for something much more wide-spectrumed and permanent than a quick roll in the hay, I try 2 to 3 exploratory dates before I decide whether to begin moving on to some serious wooing. Sometimes half a dozen, if she's unusually reserved and/or I'm in doubt.
During that time I have an opportunity to first-meet any remaining prospects from my previous kisses, and evaluate which (if any) of them all will be my next romantic target to focus on. (And my profile goes blank straight after we've got physical, and both been hapy with the results. Not before.)
To expect me to stop contact immediately with any other current contenders, the minute I've met a serious prospect for the first time, strikes me as needy and desperate on her part, rather than her being one of Marcus's 'egocentric women'.
And it suggests a swollen belief in her entitlements which doesn't match my own humility. I'm looking for someone who thinks I'm a real catch, and expects to have to work a bit to land me and to keep me. Or she doesn't deserve me.
Same for me to her. I'm looking for Ms Right-enuff who thinks I'm Mr Right-enuff, so that with no power imbalance, we can focus on loving one another and cherishing one another. For as long as possible. My goal.
Siesta time, to get my strength up for tennis this evening, after dancing myself to half a dozen standstills last night. I've been over 50 for 23 years now, and the 'fabulous' bit is taking a little more work each year.
Posted by: timewarp1 at January 11, 2009 4:45 PM
Posted by: featherlessbiped at January 7, 2009 8:53 P
On an internet dating site, if someone says "Let's take it slow", but in the meantime is continuing to see many other people on first dates, the impression you get is more "Look, you are a backup... maybe something will come out of it, though I expect not at the moment.
Yes, I would feel the same in fact I would not even consider seeing a man more than ones if he continues seeing others (I would appreciate his honesty though). Simply because that means he is not interested enough to stop and explore the possibilities of the relationship with me. He is still searching for that very best, but in the meantime he wants to fill his lonely days with whatever. Its my choice to be a back up and hope that he will make up his mind eventually (I would not choose this option out of self respect), or to walk off and continue searching for the one who will find me just perfect the way I am J
Posted by: marika56 at January 10, 2009 11:36 AM
Posted by: lafileuse at January 9, 2009 8:00 AM
“that seems to set up a very different dynamic, with different expectations, and even a different language ... the different meaning of 'friendship' for example. I don't want it to be this way, but I think it is.” Yes, I feel the same way.
My experience is if we get caught in long E-mail or phone conversations before meeting face to face, it can affect the expectations in unrealistic way. Than when we finally meet the reality kicks in and all those high hopes end in dissapointment – body language, the way the person dresses, the ‘feel’ of that person, manners…this all can give a completely different meaning to everything that was told before we actually met. This is why it is different when we have opportunity to meet the person regularly in the street, at the uni, at friend’s place or in the community (like activity groups:Thai chi, joga, bike club, gym). The expectations are completely different and it feels more ‘real’.
I was often wondering whether it was really possible to meet that right person through the internet – I agree that there are exceptions, but as often happens: exceptions are rare.
Posted by: marika56 at January 10, 2009 11:07 AM
Posted by: featherlessbiped at January 7, 2009 8:53 PM
and
Posted by: aquamanda56 at January 7, 2009 11:11 PM
I've been thinking about these somewhat contradictory views for some time now. I think there is a difference between the 'real life' and the dating site experiences. In real life, we generally meet and become friends with those we share some contact with in particular contexts that have little to do with dating: we work at the same place, we attend the same functions, have the same interests, etc. You get to know someone slowly, interests build and sometimes the move to being more than friends can be sudden and even unexpected. The dating site experience is different in that we have (in most cases) declared at the outset and are advertising our interest in that something more ... we've bought a ticket on the same train going, we hope, to the same destination. That seems to set up a very different dynamic, with different expectations, and even a different language ... the different meaning of 'friendship' for example. I don't want it to be this way, but I think it is.
Posted by: lafileuse at January 9, 2009 8:00 AM
hey, am I being naive, wouldn't it be the same on line and in reality that one would be having coffee with multiple 'friends' on a friends basis. and then gradually as one of the friends became the exclusive company, the others would be pared back. Some would stay as long time strictly friends, friends, and those that had an other agenda would gradually drift away. Is that too simple? Isn't that the natural progression of things?
Why would you expect that if you met up for coffee with someone from the internet (RSVP) that they wouldn't be also meeting up with others and vice versa? Why should it be more instant through the 'net'? If anything it should take longer.
Meanwhile, as I practice the practical and do the meet and greet, there is that little radar up ready for the unexpected : )
Posted by: aquamanda56 at January 7, 2009 11:11 PM
Posted by: istj54 at January 7, 2009 2:17 PM:
I don't know what guys say about being friends first, etc... I thought it was mainly a female thing.
I think it might work in a normal, non-internet situation. If someone you meet in general life, who is not on an internet dating site, tells you "I'd like to spend some more time to get to know you", then you have a reasonable expectation that they are taking you seriously.
On an internet dating site, if someone says "Let's take it slow", but in the meantime is continuing to see many other people on first dates, the impression you get is more "Look, you are a backup... maybe something will come out of it, though I expect not at the moment. In the meantime, I want to ensure that I can see as many other people as possible, and with a bit of luck, one of them will sweep me very quickly off my feet, and you won't see me for dust."
Posted by: featherlessbiped at January 7, 2009 8:53 PM
Posted by: istj54 at January 7, 2009 2:17 PM: you're right about the imaginary, email relationship that you build up only to see it all evaporate instantly once you meet. I can't agree on the rest of your post, but that only goes to prove that every individual is different - and Amen to that!
Posted by: missrule at January 7, 2009 7:01 PM
...really must be a cynic 'cos I think the whole "let's be friends" thing is just an evil trick to get you in...feel comfortable...vulnerable...then pounce...I'd much rather things were up front and people said they were looking for a lover...it's a bit like the endless emails and building up of imaginary relationships only to meet and be deflated...that to me is far more a waste of energy than a good healthy dose of honest lust any day of the week...I've had many long-term relationships that started with lust and turned into intimate friendships...more than started with just friendship...in fact haven't had any of those at all.
Posted by: istj54 at January 7, 2009 2:17 PM
Timewarp - herein lurks the whole conundrum of dating, even at our advanced age - to generalise grossly, women believe men only want sex (and their jocks washed) and men believe women only want romance (and a wad of notes for shopping). As in so many things, there are countless shades of the truth at both ends and all the way inbetween.
Like my house-selling analogy on another blog, it only takes one "viewer" for the whole thing to come good (so to speak)! Good luck to you all in finding him or her.
Posted by: missrule at January 7, 2009 2:02 PM
I pick practical over impractical any day ... but then I am a Virgo (no, I don't really believe in astrology :) ). Seriously, I can't be doing with the euphoria any more - it's too easy to let it blind you to all those cracks you are busy papering over in your excitement. And when the adrenalin wears off - because it always does, sooner or later - and it becomes impossible to ignore the cracks, the disappointment and let-down is that much greater. I'm all for starting with friendship and letting it develop from there (which is what I'm doing right now, with - fingers crossed - great success so far!). That's as practical as it gets, and more than enough for me at my great age ;)
Posted by: missrule at January 7, 2009 12:07 PM
stockroute99 at 7:16 AM: I believe you're right. My prederred path to the cot is to look for someone (anyone) who seems to be my match, become good friends first, and then progress.
The women I meet through RSVP are aged late 50s to mid 70s, but a lot of them are still in Bills and Moons Land - looking for a masterful romantic hero who will vacuum them off their feet, throw commonsense out the window and hurry up and start peeling them like a banana.
Whether he's someone they'd be glad to see across the breakfast table, 5 years down the track.
Must head down the track now myself - worked on a Quote till 6am Mexican time, and Maccas is going to cook my breakfast today.
Posted by: timewarp1 at January 7, 2009 11:22 AM
Hi Stockroute - I have always had the impression that most of the women on these blogs have a simple friendship with MANY males. That most of the women on these blogs are communicators would indicate that they have the capacity to interact with people on many levels - they just haven't (or in some cases, have), found the special person that they wish to communicate with on a deeper level.
Posted by: willow29 at January 7, 2009 10:40 AM
Posted by: stockroute99 at January 7, 2009 7:16 AM - isn't that odd...whilst my impression is that the males don't want a simple friendship ( I'm not referring to the bloggers here, they seem different) they want all the "chemistry" to appear at the first coffee. If it doesn't, even though there seemed to be things in common and conversation was pleasant, they aren't interested in meeting again.
Posted by: aquamanda56 at January 7, 2009 9:51 AM
I can't quite understand why so many people feel the need to jump into a 'relationship', gosh I hate that word. I would prefer to have a friendship first, get to know the person and see what develops. If something does develop i would far prefer to just coast along and see where it leads. I can't see that this intensive physical attraction and leaping into so called relationships is going to achieve except a lot of heartbreak. Once the physical is spent where do you go from there if you don't even know the other person.
Posted by: iaminperth at January 7, 2009 9:18 AM
You can always work on maintaining a friendship with a male first.
I gain the distinct impression of this site that a lot of women are totally incapable of maintaining a simple friendship with a male, let alone anything else.
Posted by: stockroute99 at January 7, 2009 7:16 AM
istJ at 9.38pm: Thank you for sharing that.
I read it sitting very still slouched in front of the fan. I'd come home early from tennis for the first time ever (too hot and tired and puffed to play the 4th half hour. Still 30 degrees.)
As I read your post, my mind drifted off to empathise with your emotions (if I got them right.)
Knowing that person is the one that you want. Knowing exactly what you want to do with and to that person, once you get a licence.
Fantasising it happening.
Predicting the the look of the rest of him, and the feel of his skin and hair. The firmness of the muscles, and the hardness of the bones. The weights and pressures, frictions, smells and tastes. The softer and louder sounds of foreplay and lovemaking. The foretaste "little deaths" and the follow-up bigger ones. Two or three of them with luck, before nippledroop.
The joyous exhaustion of all those out-of-training muscles. The blurring of the demarcations between you, and the heart-full peace-filled optimism that wafts you onwards to tomorrow and more of the same.
No - not as good as the real thing, as you said, but yes - a wonderful reinforcement to keep you hoping and searching.
Thank you for reminding me, and reigniting my own fantasies. I hope your intense
yearnings will soon discover someone in the haystack who does deserve you, body and soul. He'd better be good.
Now I must finish today's biggest price quotation, promised for 8am tomorrow. Seeyez.
Posted by: timewarp1 at January 7, 2009 12:10 AM
It's interesting to hear different points - as long as people do not take disagreements personally and start insulting those who disagree with them.
There is no truth, no right and wrong: being yourself is what really matters - speaking your own truth, doing what feels right for you and refusing to do what feels wrong for you even if the whole world thinks it's 'right'.
It would be boring if we would all be/ think the same way :)
Posted by: marika56 at January 6, 2009 9:49 PM
I firmly believe that there is no more wonderful feeling that being truly "in lust" with someone...who reciprocates, of course...otherwise it's back to the old inreciprocated love thingy we talked about months ago..I recently felt it but, alas, alak...it was not reciprocated...ah well...I still enjoyed my imaginary lustship...gives you a taste of what lies ahead:))
Posted by: istj54 at January 6, 2009 9:38 PM
Posted by: vampirewoman at January 5, 2009 9:19 PM
Your comment reminded me of a line in Billie Holiday's song "Fine and Mellow.': It goes: 'Love is like a fawcett - it turns off and on. When you think it's on baby, it has turned off and gone.'
Bit like a line in one of Cher's songs: 'You can't have no lovin' without tears.'
Posted by: diditforlove at January 6, 2009 8:37 PM
Is no-one over 50 any more? Bit quiet in here.
Posted by: timewarp1 at January 6, 2009 7:50 PM
I also disagress that euphoria equates to lust.
Sometimes circumstances create a situation where a relationship cannot continue but you have those few days/weeks where it felt like heaven was on earth.
I've been there and although it was hard to pick up the pieces I don't regret it one iota, in fact, if it were to happen again I would welcome it with open arms.
Posted by: vampirewoman at January 5, 2009 9:19 PM
outbackdrifter: thanks for sharing these beautiful lyrics! These little, 'practical' acts of love and care can make life worth living and the relationship fulfilling: to know that all you have to do is - call that name and you are not alone, and knowing that person will be there for you for ever witout fail :)
Posted by: marika56 at January 4, 2009 4:21 PM
marika56 at January 3, 10:58 PM: That post is like your profile - crammed full of the detailed knowledge of exactly what would make you feel good.
I think it's very close to what would make most people feel good. For a long time. Reading the two pieces certainly made me wish you were older, nearer and freer.
But I disagree with your equating euphoria with a casual relationship based on just lust.
Looking back as far as I can see, I clearly remember my first bout of euphoria. I was 20 and lying on the beach on Bribie Island on my surf towel, with an arm across the shoulders of my first girlfriend. We had just surfed and would later get fish and chips for lunch. And dropping her home at 7pm I would probably get a brief hug and kiss at her front door before she rang the bell.
Several girlfriends later, I became euphoric half a dozen times over a period of about 2 years when I got phonecalls at work to invite me to a party that evening at which Billy Tyler's girlfriend Joan was going to be present.
One time I was invited to visit her at her mate's place with no party. She was staying there as usual during a long- weekend visit to Brisbane from up the bush where she taught.
When I arrived I was so spellbound by her beauty at short range that I couldn't make myself talk at all for 2 hours. Not a squeak. They wondered what was wrong with me until I signed loss of voice.
Those experiences have persuaded me that for me, euphoria is the bye-product of unfulfilled romantic love, rather than lust.
Lust is OK too, but it's far more selfish. It's directed from well south of the heart and it's all about doing, rather than just being blissfully happy.
Posted by: timewarp1 at January 4, 2009 1:00 PM
Are yes an other day in paradise........Bring it on :)))
Call My Name - Jennifer Cihi
There are days when those gray skies
Make you blue
Each forward step you take
You fall back by two
You've been hit by some hard knocks
You just can't stand
Feeling like Alice felt
In Wonderland
Let me the one to lend a hand
Call my name and I'll be there
There's nothing like the laughter that we share
Whenever you need someone
Or a shoulder to lean on
Call my name and I'll be there
And when life's going your way
Just like a breeze
It's a kite flying kind of day
Above the trees
Together, we'll be making memories
Call my name and I'll be there
There's nothing like the laughter that we share
Whenever you need someone
Or a shoulder to lean on
Call my name and I'll be there
As this world turns us around
We hold on to what we've found
A treasure we both need
I will go that extra mile
To give you back a certain smile
That you've given me, yeah
(Guitar solo)
I'll answer anytime and anywhere
Call my name and I'll be there
There's nothing like the laughter that we share
Whenever you need someone
Or a shoulder to lean on
Call my name and I'll be there
Call my name and I'll be there
Call my name
Call my name
And I'll be there
Posted by: outbackdrifter at January 4, 2009 10:11 AM
When I hear the word 'euphoria' I automatically think of ' lust', casual relationship and it becomes a non attractive idea for me. It must be about my values or naivity, I do not know - I was with the same man for 33 years and now when I have separated from him I use my 'freedom' to find out who I truly am and to reclaim my identity rather than searching for opportunities to experience temporary 'euforia'. If I would settle for temporary euforia - I believe, by accepting temporary pleasures or settling for the second best just to beat lonelynes I would waste my emotions, lose respect for myself, and damage my self esteem. No thanks. I would rather wait for the right person to come along who I could experience and share everything with even if it would be in moderation: lasting passion, fun, AND practicalities - NOT necessarily having children, not boredom and loss of romance, but practicalities in the sense of commitment to the relationship and accepting practical everyday problems as part of life. I think it would be just wounderful finding the person who I could be myself with - just BE without being anxious of getting misunderstood, misinterpreted, without thinking about what should I say and what should I not say, a person who I could talk to about everything without risking getting criticised, ridiculed, put down, a person who i could trust 100% - are these 'little things' called practicalities??? Well, I would give up any experience of euforia for these simple practicalities...:)
Posted by: marika56 at January 3, 2009 10:58 PM
Posted by: minihaha64 at January 3, 2009 10:27 AM - Amen to that.... :)))
Posted by: heart2heart57 at January 3, 2009 12:50 PM
heart2heart57 when you get to my age you'll know what I mean..however 'saying' and being there are miles apart. Forever grateful to 'practical boys' that I know..lol
Posted by: minihaha64 at January 3, 2009 10:27 AM
Posted by: minihaha64 at January 1, 2009 11:09 AM - I bet you say that to *all* the boys... :)
Posted by: heart2heart57 at January 2, 2009 7:58 PM
Hmmm...after some serious deleberation I chose opportune with total euphoria..maybe for a little longer then few days.. Reality is, at this stage of my life I don't have enough time left for 'practical' ...LOL
Posted by: minihaha64 at January 1, 2009 11:09 AM
Posted by: aquamanda56 at December 28, 2008 8:25 PM - Either that, or make 52 new friends, and tell each one that your birthday is on a different day. Hmmm... now there's a thought... LoL :)
Posted by: heart2heart57 at December 29, 2008 9:25 PM
If I got a pressy for each year of my age, I could open one each week til next Christmas.......hmmm sounds good to me :)
I'm in an impractical mood at the moment....
Posted by: aquamanda56 at December 28, 2008 8:25 PM
I'll take the completely impractical.
Done the practical and have three adult sons to prove it.
Done the impractical. It was the best and worst rel I ever had.
Posted by: stephen54 at December 28, 2008 5:42 PM
Now... if we got one pwezzie for each year of our age...
T:)
Posted by: heart2heart57 at December 25, 2008 2:31 PM
heart2heart57 at December 23, 2008 9:55 PM - mmm Thank you for that. Something to ponder about while being away. Merry Christmas and a happy and safe new year.
Posted by: melrsvp at December 24, 2008 5:26 PM
Posted by: aquamanda56 at December 22, 2008 11:51 PM - And a Ho-Ho Cheerio to you too (the Ozzie kind, not American, lol).
Posted by: outbackdrifter at December 23, 2008 12:03 AM - Some probably do. I guess it's all about a constant journey of knowledge and growing. I've got heaps to learn yet, but I'm sure if I keep an open heart and mind, the learning will continue.
Posted by: melrsvp at December 23, 2008 7:56 AM & Posted by: melrsvp at December 23, 2008 9:54 AM - yes, that's my understanding of the 'perfect relationship'. The room to move and remaining ourselves is probably the quintessential part of it all. Changing someone is about ownership and control, and that's not a relationship IMHO.
The 'parallel paths', and moving, learning, growing and loving together whilst respecting each other's individuality gives us the chance to continue to be who we are while we share life's journey with our partner...
Posted by: heart2heart57 at December 23, 2008 9:55 PM
aquamanda56 at December 22, 2008 11:51 PM - I love that! - "With the addition of, being able and willing to encourage each other to do the things you both need and want to do, even when it's not 'your' thing".
by this way you have your life plus the life with that person with whom you can share without reservation or fear of loosing yourself. Adding yours and H2H comments - now THAT would be a healthy and perfect relationship. am in no way trying to be sarcastic but i do wonder if in reality that exists?
Posted by: melrsvp at December 23, 2008 9:54 AM
heart2heart57 at December 22, 2008 9:58 PM - mmmm i have been always thinking that if you really love a person, you have to accept them for what they are. not to try and change them to what you want them to be. its when you try and change a persons identity to suit you trouble starts. Thats not love thats taking control of ones life. isnt it? and thats scary too. mm just thinking aloud as i am puzzled. now i understand. two people with their own identities, likes, dislikes, .... so thats being in parallel in many levels except for that bond thats deep within you that takes you to a common goal - life - a perfect relationship - right? God understanding this is tougher than solving equations!!!!! :-)
Posted by: melrsvp at December 23, 2008 7:56 AM
Posted by: heart2heart57 at December 22, 2008 9:58 PM
H2H, Very true but how many can see that on this site ? :)
Posted by: outbackdrifter at December 23, 2008 12:03 AM
Posted by: heart2heart57 at December 22, 2008 9:58 PM - here, here or hear, hear...
anyway I agree. With the addition of, being able and willing to encourage each other to do the things you both need and want to do, even when it's not 'your' thing.
Seasons greetings and all the best for the new year. :)
Posted by: aquamanda56 at December 22, 2008 11:51 PM
Posted by: melrsvp at December 22, 2008 8:53 PM - doesn't really matter. It's just a theory I learned, and I liked it. To dissect it to the absolute sense of 'parallel' detracts from it's original meaning which is people travelling on their own paths, but doing so together. In essence, a 'perfect' relationship.
Each has room to move as they aren't living in each other's pockets, and since they're on a parallel path, neither gets tangled up with false hopes and cluttering things up with 'baggage'. The parallel is on many levels including spiritually - compatibility isn't always about likes and dislikes. They remain true to themselves as unique identities yet share a common bond and move together in harmony towards a common goal.
Posted by: heart2heart57 at December 22, 2008 9:58 PM
heart2heart57 at December 22, 2008 8:17 PM - i would say the "bit' between the lines would be love and life. if there is an unconditional love in between the two lines, then the two parallel lines would meet in life contradicting the law that parallel lines never meet. If the bit between lines is only life then isnt there a chance that the lines will keep on going their own way with something missing?
Posted by: melrsvp at December 22, 2008 8:53 PM
Posted by: vampirewoman at December 20, 2008 9:17 PM - Ummm..... the 'bit between the lines' is the thing called 'life'....
Posted by: heart2heart57 at December 22, 2008 8:17 PM
heart2heart - if they are parallel it doesn't really matter what's in between 'cause 'they ain't gonna meet!'
Posted by: vampirewoman at December 20, 2008 9:17 PM
Posted by: heart2heart57 at December 19, 2008 10:31 PM
Yes thats true It doesn't happen for everyone but if they are sensitive to what they need not what others tell them they need..............................it will
Posted by: outbackdrifter at December 20, 2008 10:27 AM
Posted by: outbackdrifter at December 17, 2008 12:48 PM - Uhuh. It doesn't happen for everyone though. I'd say at the barest minimum, you need to be sensitive to start with, and be open and willing to take that chance...
Posted by: heart2heart57 at December 19, 2008 10:31 PM
Posted by: vampirewoman at December 17, 2008 11:44 AM - What's in between the 'parallel' do you reckon ?
Posted by: heart2heart57 at December 19, 2008 10:28 PM
Posted by: outbackdrifter at December 17, 2008 12:48 PM
"To truly appreciate the high of love...........we have to go through the darkest pits lows to truly understand & appreciate both :)"
Yes, well said :-), and we have decide if the highs are worth the potential lows. I think they are ... but if you believe that, you also have to be aware that there are some out there who are addicted to the highs. I think after the initial blissful stage of a relationship, there comes a time when the "new" wears off (or the "honeymoon period" ends - whatever you call it) and one or both of the participants needs to decide to continue the relationship - or not. Sometimes this happens early, sometimes much later (seven year itch). Some people do go after that euphoric phase, and if so, they move from relationship to relationship to experience it. That's sad for them, but also sad for the trail of partners left behind. Those who don't think that way, need to find those who can recognise that relationships go through stages, and you can't experience those stages (which - I'm convinced - can be every bit as amazing as the euphoric one) if you don't try to make a relationship work. (... but then "I only know what I read in the papers" :-) )
Posted by: lafileuse at December 17, 2008 7:22 PM
I just realised Im not 50 laugh oh well I know Im not there yet but I commented b4 I realised I probably not meant to be here..
Sorry guys hehe Merry christmas to you all.
:))) Nel
Posted by: enchantinel at December 17, 2008 3:36 PM
Posted by: outbackdrifter at December 17, 2008 12:48 PM
Totally agree hun, and so beautifully said, Im the same can really relate to that. I cant be with someone now for convenience or pure functionality it has to be passion and purpose. Just that special x factor the one that stands out and can hold that on many levels of attraction, it goes much more deeply than just liking the same things or being somewhat compatible.
I agree too with vampirewoman about the euphoria and coming back down and yes would definitely do it again. Its a part of living with passion and having that spontaneous burst, along with the gypsy soul..Its not everyones cup of tea but a colourful life is life for me...
Blessed it be hehehe
:))) Nel
Just my thoughts
Posted by: enchantinel at December 17, 2008 3:35 PM
Posted by: vampirewoman at December 3, 2008 7:19 AM
To truly appreciate the high of love...........we have to go through the darkest pits lows to truly understand & appreciate both :)
Posted by: outbackdrifter at December 17, 2008 12:48 PM
Posted by: vampirewoman at December 17, 2008 11:44 AM
"I don't know that there is such a thing as a 'perfect' relationship - it is possible to get close but perfection, I doubt it. We all have a few flaws"
Beleave me it can happen even the flaws can travell in pararellel paths to make a perfect unity, l have felt it once & if everything go�s well l will feel that again before l die :)))
Posted by: outbackdrifter at December 17, 2008 12:42 PM
heart2heart57 - I don't know that there is such a thing as a 'perfect' relationship - it is possible to get close but perfection, I doubt it. We all have a few flaws ... .lol.
Why settle for convienence, most of us have been there, done that and have the t-shirt. Like Marika wrote, there has to be that road in between that both partners can work on. Loved my few days of euphoria but now I want more .... that's the trouble it is addictive.... so I will search for that elusive mid road.
Posted by: vampirewoman at December 17, 2008 11:44 AM
A 'perfect' relationship? Two people travelling on parallel paths...
Posted by: heart2heart57 at December 13, 2008 3:20 PM
I do not like extremes in anything - so I would never go for temporary euphoria neither for years of boring convenience. There must be something in between, like a lasting, passionate relationship in the middle of daily practicalities? I believe that if the relationship is intimate on emotional, psychological, social, intellectual and sexual level and if the passion is consciously being kept alive by both partners, the relationship will never become a convenience.
Magypie - it's always your choice how much you compromise yourself in ANY relationship. In a really good relationship you do not have to 'work' hard or compromise, you can just be who you are and feel happy all the time: not in the state of euphoria neither in the state of convenience, just peaceful and happy and joyful. I have seen this happening between couples who are self aware, who communicate clearly and honestly and who resolve every conflict immediately.
Posted by: marika56 at December 12, 2008 10:21 PM
Posted by: vampirewoman at December 3, 2008 7:19 AM - Yep. Back on that horse and give it another go. After all, no-ones going to come knocking on your front door if they don't know you exist...:)
Posted by: heart2heart57 at December 3, 2008 10:17 PM
Having just had few days of total euphoria I thought it was wonderful at the time but now I have to come back down to earth and put my heart back together again. Would I do it again? Probably, but the after effects really suck....lol
Posted by: vampirewoman at December 3, 2008 7:19 AM
After awhile in practicle/convenience relationships you often forget to be yourself. You compromise to much. Give me the impracticle relationship, keeps you on your toes, challenges you and gets you exploring yourself and the other person.
Posted by: magypie at December 2, 2008 4:32 PM
Ah.. yes. But adrenaline has it's role in the 'fight or flight' stimuli. Without it, we wouldn't be able to survive difficult situations. It's biproduct is endorphines - that wonderful calming sensation and feeling of euphoria. But, like anything else, moderation is the key. Too much of anything is usually detrimental to survival...
Posted by: heart2heart57 at November 20, 2008 9:09 PM
Adrenaline is not a safe high, TW, it stuffs up your heart...it really does, have a google about cortisol and adrenaline after you have had a good long lie down.
Posted by: waterbombe at November 13, 2008 8:39 PM
Hello to all my fellow Bloggers :)
So how is everybody? I must say I feel so out of the loop. If you don't follow the Blogs daily and participate...it's sooo confusing when you try and come back, for a catch up !!!
Anyway, just popping in to let you know, that I am alive and well...and yes I do miss you all !!!
For those not in the 'know'. About 6 weeks ago, I met a very handsome and perfect (well to me anyway) RSVP'er and he and I have been more or less, joined at the hip and are extremely happy.
RSVP DOES work, to all of you out there...please don't lose the faith :)
TW glad to hear all is well with Ms Gold Coast. Sounds like you are working things out nicely with her. Compromise and communication are the keys. See you at my place on the 28th :)
Posted by: starryeyez at November 12, 2008 7:25 PM
H2H57 at 8:05 AM: Adrenyline is my drug of choice, Tony. Always has been. It's a good safe high that lasts just as long as you keep living your life up near the edge of your capabilities.
Never tried any of the hallucinaries, because I'm not into fantasy. Too factual and prosaic for that. Like to keep a very firm grip on reality as I see it.
Posted by: timewarp1 at November 12, 2008 3:38 PM
glitteringblue at 3:25 PM: Thanks for the titanium song offer, A bit premature just yet thanks, but things are starting to move at last. She visited her Dr today, X-rays of both knees tomorrow, and an all-over physical exam next week. Motivation's the key.
Beautiful weather in Brisvegas today. Bright sun, balanced by a stiff cool sea breeze. Almost cold at tennis last night. Soon off now to eat cheap ($11) Monday-night steak and the help-yourself veg with my Dabbler mates at my nearby club.
Thought of walking there the 3km and getting the free bus home afterwards, but it doesn't run on Mondays, they say. Ought to dig out my old jogging mini-trampo and hand weights that kept me fitter through the 90s. I'll think about that at 10pm. Seeyez,
Posted by: timewarp1 at November 10, 2008 7:21 PM
me too happy and i hope so, thanx.
how are you my friend, hows the asx? thanks for the tip on the metals man. long term is good. i may take a 'sip' (wink)
you&me, team, like a flower & a b.t..rfly
Posted by: grego70 at November 10, 2008 5:41 PM
Posted by: grego70 at November 10, 2008 2:09 PM
I'm miss to see perth puppies here. She be back I think perhaps already.
Posted by: happysending at November 10, 2008 4:43 PM
Grego7 @ 10:54 AM
Timewarp1 @ 3:24 AM
It would appear that T-bird (Tassiedude1) has terminated himself, only in the RSVP sense!! But I would be more than happy to consult with him regarding developing a song for you . . . "My Titanium Queen"???
Posted by: glitteringblue at November 10, 2008 3:25 PM
tw - i'm fairly sure you contributed to her departure. your 'dolly' swipes did not go unnoticed.
Posted by: grego70 at November 10, 2008 2:09 PM
Is Perthy really gone? I was never sure if she was Anthony's puppet or someone else's, or just her own sweet she-wombat.
Posted by: timewarp1 at November 10, 2008 1:32 PM
blueyedblond at 9:10 AM: That so, ma'am? You must only feed people off-blog, from what I can see.
But that's not fair, is it? I'm too busy these days to follow all the blogs, so I could have missed a proffered sachet of coffee-shop sugar somewhere, couldn't I? (And the more doubt, the more benefit, hey?)
.....................................................
Tony and Greg (with only one naughty) - thanks. And how about the marvels of modern science? Replacing the letter b with i, and getting Lucy Lawless!
Posted by: timewarp1 at November 10, 2008 1:28 PM
Posted by: grego7 at November 10, 2008 10:54 AM - that is so funny gregoh,, you are such a valueable contributor - much better that perthy.
Posted by: grego70 at November 10, 2008 11:51 AM
Posted by: timewarp1 at November 10, 2008 3:24 AM
TW, keep up the high protein diet it seems you will need it. Dont over rev the old ticker though. Take it to the red line no more.
My partner has just had a knee replacement. She is still in hospital but I can say it has made her walking pain free. Her 85 yo mother had both knees done and it changed her life so it may be a worthwhile option for your lady. Apparently, you are not able to run with a replaced knee so you will still require the FM pedometer.
The replacement is made of titanium. So you would be in the enviable position of having a titanium woman. That would be worth writing a song.
rgds grego
Posted by: grego7 at November 10, 2008 10:54 AM
Posted by: timewarp1 at November 10, 2008 3:24 AM - Way to go Billy-boy...!
Posted by: heart2heart57 at November 10, 2008 9:20 AM
timewarp1 at November 10, 2008 3:24 AM . If you give it you have to be prepared to take it Bill. I make a very good salad dressing and there is pleny of sugar in my pantry for anyone I chose to feed.
Posted by: blueyedblond at November 10, 2008 9:10 AM
Hi all. Hope you all had an enjoyable weekend. I most certainly did. And thank you all for your feedback on the quandary I had found myself in. I've taken it.
Greg: I'll look for a pedometer with an FM radio built in. Believe they exist. In the meantime, loved tennis tonight, and look forward to more on Tuesday evening, weather permitting.
WB on Fri evening: "Bill, my radar tells me you've been dumped. True?"
I love your direct questions. Straight to the point. Answer is No, actually. Early last week she had very unselfishly offered to release me, so that I could try to find someone who still has as much motility as I have.
So we opened our profiles, I sent out a couple of kisses, and she knocked back half a dozen from young blokes looking for an older woman. One of them was younger than her grandson.
By Friday arvo she had second thoughts about letting me escape, and invited me back for most of this weekend.
Kaz, Tony and Dude: herself and I have decided this weekend to continue spending most of most weekends together at her place, till further notice. We'll enjoy one another's company there and thereabouts, doing whatever we both enjoy and her reduced mobility permits. She's now talking about trying to get her knees fixed, now that she's got someone she'd like to dance with.
As I was leaving this morning, she also asked me if she should silence the doubters once and for all by writing me a detailed reference, and posting it onto this over-50s blog, which she's been following all along.
I said it wasn't a good idea, partly because it would blow her cover and give me even more competition. And maybe give her more competition too, when the word got out. And anyway, I doubted that what she was wanting to say would ever get through moderation on this site.
BEB: Have you ever tried making your salads without vinegar? I believe most men prefer them that way. But I guess that's pretty irrelevant to you, isn't it?
Marylulu: Glad to give you a laugh, but sorry to disillusion you - my Ex was actually being 100% fair dinkum when she gave me that advice. She's a very authentic honest person, and doesn't have a lend of people.
After we married, I'd stupidly limited myself to the hobbies that she was able to join in and wanted to, and had therefore given up my tennis, squash, debating etc - and all the friends who went with those activities.
She said when leaving me that she'd pay to actually divorce me rather than just move out, to free me to marry again, in case I ever wanted to. She's a very good person.
Lookit the time! I'm high tonight. All this new happiness, and money flooding in too.
I'm feeling so good about the present and the immediate future that I've changed to buying full-price wing quarters of Woollies hot chooks (better taste than Coles'.) Seeyez all.
Posted by: timewarp1 at November 10, 2008 3:24 AM
Timewarp, poor ole missnotquiterightenuff....
So let me get this right......
A few weeks ago you were taking the softly softly approach to Miss NQRE (abbreviated), then she bumped you off, then back on the bike you went and now its off yer bike Ike???
Because she has arthritic knees?? And at her request??
Timewarp, l have to say that is one shallow excuse if others things were in working order, a la the cot.
The older we get the more compensation / allowances we need to make, yes??
Your pool of choice is going to get mighty thin on the ground Timewarp.
Best you start expanding your horizons dear.........
The old osteoarthritis is present in MANY older people. Fact of life. .............K
Posted by: auntykaz at November 8, 2008 12:23 AM
waterbombe at November 7, 2008 6:49 PM . It is Friday night and I though it would fill tw's time in if he answered me with one of his tiresome tales but seems he got a better offer. Packed the Gladstone bag and gone off into the night. Then again the message he ot may have been from Wollies letting him know their chooks were cheaper than Coles
Posted by: blueyedblond at November 7, 2008 11:25 PM
Posted by: timewarp1 at November 7, 2008 12:08 PM - I wouldn't worry to much about the clock ticking thing. Remember, it ain't the number of breaths we take, but the numbers of things that take our breath away that really counts in the long run. More of a quality rather than quantity thing.
At the end of the day, if your 'wish list' is pretty precise and you're comfortable searching for your treasure the way you do, then good on you. Each to their own.
As the window gets smaller, the opportunities for you to reach your goal may diminish. You already know that. But if you believe in your own values and are tired of compromise, go for it. If that's where you're at, no point in settling for second best. I wish you luck...
Posted by: heart2heart57 at November 7, 2008 8:32 PM
TW
Thanks for sharing your story.
I know it can be a little hard at times when the only friend you feel you have is your computer and those that respond.
Goodness knows I have been there.
Anyway I know you have made the right decision for yourself as only you could know in your own heart.
Sorry it didn't work out this time.
I sincerely hope that one day it will.
Kindest regards
Rod
Posted by: tassiedude1 at November 7, 2008 6:53 PM
Blueeyedblonde, you seem lots of fun so I can't figure this out....do you have a desire to die early from boredom? If not, why ask Timewarp for his talents? He'll write at least a thousand lines, you know. He'll number each point (so you can refer back later in case you need to refresh yourself) and the numbered subsections will tell you (i) when, (ii) where, (iii) how, (iv) with whom and (v) for what purpose he developed each talent. This will be presented as a sort of map, for the rest of us to follow. But beware, the buried treasure marked on the map is actually a half-price chook from Coles.
"I've just received an invitation by RSVP Chat Line... The little chap is agreeing vehemently, so I'm about to pack my overnight bag right now. Seeyez much later. Posted by: timewarp1 at November 7, 2008 4:10 PM"
Hmmm .... Is it just me or do other people smell a rat when men tell total strangers where their penis is pointing? I still reckon she gave you the old heave-ho, TW.
Posted by: waterbombe at November 7, 2008 6:49 PM
Bill, my radar tells me you've been dumped. True?
Posted by: waterbombe at November 7, 2008 6:34 PM
timewarp1 at November 7, 2008 3:52 PM . Did you now... why. Because I stand up for myself, say it how it is, am not intimidated by men, get sick of the chest poundings of some men, a bit over the me Tarzan you Jane thing.
I think you underestimate most women. However being one of the many (men and women) who have already lost half of everything they had before, and then some again, I don't think it is unreasonable to expect a guy to have as much as I have. I am not interested in becoming someones meal ticket nor I theirs. What are your talents??? enlighten me please. If they are what I imagine I will cover my eyes and think happy thoughts.
Posted by: blueyedblond at November 7, 2008 4:56 PM
After a very taxing work week, I have to say I was greatly cheered by this thread.
Posted by: grego7 at November 7, 2008 2:46 PM so well said ...Laughed out loud truly.
Posted by: timewarp1 at November 7, 2008 12:43 AM and I can only smile at the grace and tongue in cheek humour of Mrs. Ex timewarp ..
When my Ex. left me 15 years ago she too gave me similar advice: "Bill, you'll never find a woman who's a match for all of your excellences, to let her satisfy you in a number of different ways. Don't even try....
Gorgeous ...the whole thing has quite made my day.
Posted by: marylulu at November 7, 2008 4:15 PM
Grego I think you're right about the ipod for walking. Bit like a jillhammer - not as good as real company, mainly because it's so impersonal, but better than missing out on the physical activity altogether, hey?
WB: So glad to have an emetic effect on you, dear. One way/end or the other ........
artizanne: anyone who quotes Dorothy Parker in her profile must be at least a bit bad, and I must admit to you that the naughtiest girls I've ever met were all over 65 at the time. All 4 of them.
To top it off, I've just received an invitation by RSVP Chat Line that you have all told me in advance that I shouldn't knock back, if it came. The little chap is agreeing vehemently, so I'm about to pack my overnight bag right now. Seeyez much later.
Posted by: timewarp1 at November 7, 2008 4:10 PM
blueyedblond at 12:46 PM: Guessed it was you, before I saw the by-line. To reply: Yes and no. I'm woefully useless at a lot of things that matter enormously to some women, like having a bigger income than theirs, and lots of real estate. And I'm suitably humble about those shortcomings.
But I'm very good at certain other things that matter a lot more to some other women, and I'm even more grateful for having those talents. And so are they, when they find me. And that's not advertising puff. Just honest reporting.
Posted by: timewarp1 at November 7, 2008 3:52 PM
Himmm....re TW, I wonder does anyone else feel like saying pass the bucket, I feel a bit crook?
Posted by: waterbombe at November 7, 2008 3:15 PM
Posted by: timewarp1 at November 6, 2008 12:40 AM
TW, just when I think I have heard it all you astound me with your post.
Let me just get this clear. The lady in question is a good sort who is great in the cot but cant run a 100 metres cause she is pushing 80 and has joint problems. Sorry to be pithy but we need to cut to the chase. Oh and she is able to put up with you significant ego and has the loveliest nature.
Mate, get yourself an ipod or similiar and do your running by youself like most people. In the meantime call her and tell her she is too valuable for you to give up, buy some flowers and high tail over to her place. The ensueing "action" will give you a suitable cardio-vascular work out.
May I also suggest you take note of the excellent advice offered by heart2heart and blueyedblond.
Your alternative is many more 2 hour first dates and cut price chooks.
rgds grego
Posted by: grego7 at November 7, 2008 2:46 PM
Careful,TW,we'll have the violins out soon...To put things in perspective for you,I have a number of friends with octogenarian mothers,who have been sent home for bad behaviour/causing trouble ,fella wise....so I reckon that you have a decade's worth of practice in front of you....
Posted by: artizanne at November 7, 2008 12:58 PM
timewarp1 at November 6, 2008 12:40 AM .I have read your posts a couple of times and I think maybe you need to address the opinion you have of yourself. Humility should be very high on your list
Posted by: blueyedblond at November 7, 2008 12:46 PM
heart2heart57 at 8:32 AM: I like what you say, T, and that has been my exact goal while diligently prospecting in RSVP this last 34 months:
To find Ms Right-Enuff for me, who also thinks I'm Mr Right-Enuff for her - someone who wants to do most of the things I want to do, and does them fairly well - a bit better than I do, or nearly as well as I do.
To be honest, I think my problem is that I actually do a lot of those important things rather well - better than a lot of people of either gender. My match (or near it) will be quite a gal, and there aren't a lot of those on the loose, a bit short of retiring age.
I guess I just have to keep looking, and not pay too much attention to the clock, slowly but steadily ticking my window of opportunity towards closed dead shut.
Posted by: timewarp1 at November 7, 2008 12:08 PM
Posted by: timewarp1 at November 7, 2008 12:43 AM - Sounds like your dilemma is that you're standing at a crossroad with many many forks in it. Finding someone that meets all our desires on every level is a rare treasure indeed.
Where you are sounds a bit like having a car for every occasion. I've had the one car for many years now, and I love it to bits. Sure, there's other cars out there that do certain things better, but I think I got the best compromise. It fulfils the important things I need to do, the rest I can put up with. And in the meantime, I can enjoy the journey...:)
Posted by: heart2heart57 at November 7, 2008 8:32 AM
istj54 at 8:21 PM: Thank you very much for your interest, and your kind advice.
When my Ex. left me 15 years ago she too gave me similar advice: "Bill, you'll never find a woman who's a match for all of your excellences, to let her satisfy you in a number of different ways. Don't even try.
Just have half a dozen different women, each suitable for one of your different activities - one for discussing psychology, one for Scrabble, one for dancing, one for tennis, one for bushwalking, and one for bed."
I'd already had a just-dancing partner in my early 20s, till I spoilt it by kissing her one evening by mistake when I was drunk, and then she wanted to be my girlfriend too.
Which I didn't want. She was my sporting partner in exhibitionistic dancing, and we did that together pretty well. But I certainly didn't fancy her, or want to go down that path with her at all. So I lost my excellent dance partner.
You've given me the same advice as Joan did. But I don't think it works. Women seem to get romantic about the men they are really enjoying doing platonic things with, and want to extend it into a relationship.
I've lost several very dear friends in the last ten years that way, because after a while they wanted the friendship to expand into a relationship, and I didn't.
They said it was now all or nothing, and I had to choose nothing, because behaving intimately towards someone I don't fancy is a price that I don't have to pay (unlike so many unfortunate women throughout history.)
So if I followed your advice, my romantic partner would be at risk of worrying about me getting intimate with my walking partner, and when the walk had been long, hard, sweaty and exhilarating, my walking partner would be at risk of starting to fancy me - and then I'd be at risk of losing either or both, despite not cheating. It's rather complicated in real life.
Posted by: timewarp1 at November 7, 2008 12:43 AM
She 'used to be able to run safely in high heels." But now she's heading for 80, with serious osteo-arthritis in both her knees and hips. from Timewarp...I have a wonderful neighbour like that and she still handles it and gets around...and she is also a wonderful woman...and I treasure her friendship with her disabilities....my cousin also has had several replacements and is one of the busiest seniors I know...I think you should have a serious re-think...if everything else was in place you may be making the mistake of your lifetime...surely you can enjoy the wonderful closeness and go for that run with someone else.
Posted by: istj54 at November 6, 2008 8:21 PM
Hi all. This is a beautiful peaceful blog, and I am so glad for Wall.e and EVA, and for W.N. and her man with the Healing Hands. May your blisses continue on and on and on....
In contrast, mine has just come to an end, after only 3 blissful weekends spent with someone I can only describe as wonderful and delightful.
The loveliest-natured woman I've met yet, and I've met literally hundreds, before and after my 30-year marriage. (I'm notorious for the number of women I've met.)
And she was certainly the most tender and enthusiastic lover that I could ever imagine.
The 2 things that I believed mattered more to me in a partner than anything else. Till I finally actually got what I'd prayed for, for so many long lonely years.
So what went wrong? I'm blaming 'practical considerations' (Hey! lookie that - you're on topic Bill, for once!) combined with my own self-centredness.
I'm determined to last longer than your average bloke. I'm now 72 (73 next month) and I'm trying to live in a way that will let me last another 20 years. I've got so much still to do!
I like my tucker, so I've had a lifelong battle with my weight.
I play strenuous tennis two evenings a week, but probably won't be able to, for more than another 8 or 10 years. I have to get back this year to serious daily walking. Which I really hate, unless I can walk with a friend and talk.
My dream is to be returning from our brisk 45-minute daily morning walk, and have her say to me 200 mtrs from home "Race you!"
Not just this year - in ten years time.
She 'used to be able to run safely in high heels." But now she's heading for 80, with serious osteo-arthritis in both her knees and hips.
On Saturday night it hurt her a lot to hobble 100 mtrs from my parked car to the movie theatre. Hurt so much that she asked me to go and get the car after the movie, and pick her up on the footpath directly outside the theatre. Climbing her own stairs is painful, and she pants with the exertion. So her lifestyle now has to be very sedentary. The exact opposite of what I need for my health.
So what happened? She "very regretfully" gave me up in an email yesterday "to let (me) find a younger, more athletic woman."
And I was selfish enough to accept her release, although both of us acknowledged that we didn't expect to find another lover elsewhere who would be anywhere near as satisfying.
Very unfortunately, there's more to life than bedded bliss. Not as nice, but still essential.
Looking back, I know I'll never forget her, and I echo her sentiment that she "was very privileged to have had (me) in her life at all."
Which is another alternative happy ending. What a darling! I'm smiling still.
Posted by: timewarp1 at November 6, 2008 12:40 AM
Posted by: glitteringblue at November 2, 2008 10:58 PM - Spoken like a true Champion of romance...
@>--------
Posted by: heart2heart57 at November 4, 2008 9:12 AM
Nymphette @ 5:32 PM 31st ~ Nymph, that is so cool. What have you got to lose? You never know what's gonna happen tomorrow. I am all for being reckless and throwing yourself into the romance of it all.
So you may get hurt . . you can always get over that in time, with practice. But the rewards of reckless abandon are potentially so huge, that I would say . . . do it, do it, do it!!
Feel sexy and attractive again - narrate you're own storey and life. He will be blissfully blown over by your youthful enthusiasm as opposed to the other old fuddy duddies out there "acting normal" . . yawn.
Remember, report back to HQ with all news and goss!!
You have to think . . . how many summers have I got left on this earth?? : ))))
Your friend, Glitter XO
Posted by: glitteringblue at November 2, 2008 10:58 PM
With regard to comments below; Someone has written a book called 'Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway.'
Posted by: diditforlove at November 2, 2008 9:53 PM
With regard to comments below; Someone has written a book called 'Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway.'
Posted by: diditforlove at November 2, 2008 9:53 PM
...GB, it is so very hard to be the first to push those boundaries. None of us want to be hurt...so we wait patiently, for the other to push those boundaries...waiting, waiting....
Posted by: istj54 at October 29, 2008 9:08 PM
Then we have to be the one to push the boundaries - our own, not the other's. The trust that we look for is always of ourselves - that we don't trust our passion and strength, and we're always so fearful of where this may take us, and of how we'll appear. It doesn't matter - it's taken me years and years to figure this one out, so please don't anyone mock that!!
I really feel that the only one hurt by our actions, if we're sincere and respectful, is ourselves. This isn't ego driven, this isn't only looking out for ourselves, this is what happens if we're honest and sincere to the other person, if we trust ourselves and aren't fearful of our actions and words.
So - you go for it, eyes wide open, and assuming the other person is also able to look after themselves.
and here endeth my lesson!!
Posted by: bluepelican at November 2, 2008 8:15 AM
Posted by: egernia at October 30, 2008 9:43 AM
Thats what I was saying.............. you snooze you lose :))))))).
in the long-run what have you really lost that you not already lost by doing nothing
Posted by: outbackdrifter at November 1, 2008 12:54 PM
"and live each day as though it's going to be your last” Posted by: featherlessbiped at October 24, 2008 11:42 PM
Does this answer your question:
http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=V7676EC06oc&feature=related
Posted by: ahappyending at November 1, 2008 12:07 PM
waternymph...sounds perfect...enjoy thoroughly every minute:))
Posted by: istj54 at November 1, 2008 8:59 AM
Aah ....another lovely day with my new friend, He arrived at 11am and took me away for some walking and talking and watching the waves crash on the shore ..then on to The Entrance for lunch and more of a wander and an icecream after lunch.
Back to my place for a coffee and a first rate foot massage .. as I had a slight disagreement with some rocks we clambered over at the beach,.
... a small private interlude then off he had to go to pick up his daughter who is spending the weekend with him.
But he will be back again Sunday :-)
I'm Practicaly bubbling over with the Pleasure of it all :-))
Posted by: waternymph47 at October 31, 2008 5:32 PM
Posted by: lafileuse at October 30, 2008 10:44 AM - And the lesson here is? Open mind, open heart...
Posted by: heart2heart57 at October 30, 2008 9:53 PM
Egernia ... re your GF. That happened to me, too. Regardless of right moment or no, it was a painful lesson ... we'd all like to think we are more important than television. :-/
Posted by: lafileuse at October 30, 2008 10:58 AM
Believing that the rewards are worth the risk is only possible if a person has a certain mindset. A person can't feel that the possible negative outcomes are so painful that they must be avoided at all costs. The negatives have to be viewed as, at the very least, learning experiences, telling us something about ourselves as well as others. We also have to recognise that our assessment of 'risk' is just a perception, based on our knowledge, fears and experiences. If it wasn't, we'd all be travelling by air whenever possible and staying off the highways - QANTAS' recent setbacks notwithstanding ;-). If we are more familiar with rejection, we will believe that the risk of rejection is greater than it actually is.
The human mind and heart are tricksy things, and sometimes need to be outsmarted ... maybe fearlessness will do it. Egernia, you do talk sense. :-D
Posted by: lafileuse at October 30, 2008 10:44 AM
GB I think we all know of couples who have been in long term relationships that have lost that intimate feeling. Their relationship started off all hot and heavy, when they couldnt get enough of each other to now not even any public or private show of affection. I have a GF who laments this. I suggested she take the initiative ~ while he's sitting, to run her fingers through his hair, tilt his head back and kiss him with passion. The end result? Well he was watching TV and she interrupted his concentration and he yelled at her which then became and all out argument. She chose the wrong moment and he reacted badly.
Istj & OBD.... Fear of anything stifles us. Fear of rejection holds us back. Be fearless. The rewards are almost always worth the risk.
Posted by: egernia at October 30, 2008 9:43 AM
....all i know is...........what/who you trust and believe in can turn.........you wish soooo much you could take it back...all of it...that it meant nothing.Disillussionment........a horrible state...we have all been there....worst stiil by the one you would never expect it from.Find me a couple who is completely happy,who has not had to put up with and shut up.Not me anymore....life is too short,
Posted by: chachacha42 at October 29, 2008 10:13 PM
Posted by: istj54 at October 29, 2008 9:08 PM - There comes a time the turtle has to pop it's head out from under it's shell...
Posted by: heart2heart57 at October 29, 2008 10:12 PM
Posted by: istj54 at October 29, 2008 9:08 PM
By waiting, thats all you do is wait & before you know it.......................its all over.
You wait you lose, that it from someone who knows :))))
Posted by: outbackdrifter at October 29, 2008 9:49 PM
...GB, it is so very hard to be the first to push those boundaries. None of us want to be hurt...so we wait patiently, for the other to push those boundaries...waiting, waiting....
Posted by: istj54 at October 29, 2008 9:08 PM
mmmm . . . I like where you are going with this egernia . . . but it's also nice to push the boundaries with your partner sometimes so it doesn't all become TOO practical or even just sensual, bring in some passion.
Someone just has to have the guts to go first and see if you can "light a fire" and then you both will go WOW, we can do it, just don't need to do/prove it all the time . . if that makes sense? I definitely think that passion is something that waxes and wanes in a long term relationship and just when you think it's gone, nope, it's back again . . . : ))))
But then again, I haven't been married for 20+ years to the same guy who makes me feel as sexy as a wet rag floating in 3 day old washing up water . . . and I'm sure those men or I should say "couples" ARE out there. God I hope I never become like that!!
Posted by: glitteringblue at October 29, 2008 6:17 PM
Hello and welcome lafileuse
Thank you for expanding on that.
Its the nuances you develop between one another that can turn the practical into the sensual. As you mentioned, finding the right buttons to push...like a nibble on the earlobe really means...I want you now. A gentle squeeze while holding hands really means...I love holding your hand and I want you now... and a tighter squeeze when you hug means...I really missed you today and I want you now...a passionate kiss means....ok ok you know where I'm heading with this. :-)
Posted by: egernia at October 29, 2008 4:26 PM
Hello to all ... this is my first post on an RSVP blog.
"If reality means comfortability and familiarity with one another then passion can be maintained." ... egernia, I believe this ... and would think that increased familiarity could certainly lead to more passion, if that is what is desired. Surely, it is all about learning to 'push each other's buttons' (and finding out where those buttons are).
Posted by: lafileuse at October 29, 2008 1:50 PM
Finding the balance between euphoric passion and longevity. We all know new relationships can be emotionally and physically intense and realistically cannot be maintained for the long term. We've all heard it said that passion wanes and reality sets in. If reality means comfortability and familiarity with one another then passion can be maintained. I'm still as enamoured with my man as I was when we started this relationship 20 months ago. That's my love story.
Wall.E and Eva ~ That was a love story.
Posted by: egernia at October 27, 2008 9:20 AM
...Dance as though no one is watching you.
Love as though you have never been hurt before.
Sing as though no one can hear you.
Live as though heaven is on earth
Posted by: outbackdrifter at October 26, 2008 10:51 AM
...and I have one more to add...make love as though it is your last time:))
Posted by: istj54 at October 26, 2008 10:32 PM
Posted by: featherlessbiped at October 25, 2008 6:47 PM.
FB, life is not a bed of roses and never will be, the trick is to accept the negative parts your life but not to focus on them.
The other thing is to treat each new day is a brand-new experience and look at it as a child, yes it's easy to say but hard to do, in the end it's better to get it half right then not right at all
Dance as though no one is watching you.
Love as though you have never been hurt before.
Sing as though no one can hear you.
Live as though heaven is on earth
Posted by: outbackdrifter at October 26, 2008 10:51 AM
Posted by: featherlessbiped at October 25, 2008 6:47 PM - Yeh, the dunny cleaning can be a bit of a drag, and hardly the 'highlight' of the day LoL. But I think you get the gist of the meaning. Things in life are rarely going to be perfect and stay that way. There'll always be challenges, and I guess the essence of what's being said is to accept the good with the bad, chin up, hold your head high ra ra ra. But more than that, and on a much deeper level, keep your heart and mind open to opportunity. Never lose hope (even though sometimes it sure can look pretty hopeless).
We only dance on this earth for a milli-blip in the context of time itself. I guess it's up to us to chose if we want to make that a fun dance or not. How we approach things can so often determine what the outcome will be. Give it your best shot. If it doesn't work, it wasn't meant to be. It wasn't right for either or both of you. And there's nothing wrong with that. It's called 'life'. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and have another go. Well, that's my take on it anyway.
Mark Twain sums it up beautifully with "Dance like nobody's watching; love like you've never been hurt. Sing like nobody's listening; live like it's heaven on earth."
Posted by: heart2heart57 at October 26, 2008 9:09 AM
Posted by: featherlessbiped at October 24, 2008 11:42 PM ;
Hi Featherless:
My idea of living each day as though it's going to be your last is reflected in Erica Jong's book 'Fear of Flying'. (Pub. 70's)
At the end of the book she says: 'Survival meant being born over and over. It wasn't easy, ad it was always painful. But there was no other choice but death. '
I know it's not a popular idea, but I believe that often we have to go throught the pain to get to the good times.
As Anne Wilson Schaef said' Flowers grow out of dark moments.'
Posted by: margie18 at October 26, 2008 12:10 AM
GB - we all feel your joy through your words :)
Posted by: willow29 at October 25, 2008 8:26 PM
Oh Featherless . . . come spend two weeks with me and I will turn you into a wild raving romantic (instructor only - not participant of course!!). But do so love you!! You are a good man. Happy Saturday night to you my friend.
. . . cleaning the toilet and vaccuming . . . hahahahaha hahahah hahah
Posted by: glitteringblue at October 25, 2008 8:12 PM
glitteringblue it is a beautiful thread, and I have also felt the support and encouragment in here.
Hope is infectious ...so is love.
I hope the smiles, warmth and ...love stories found in here... spill right over into our lives.
I agree, I believe it's perfectly possible for a fairytale beginning to become a long term reality.
Posted by: marylulu at October 25, 2008 7:47 PM
I too have a little story:
The first time I met Wall.e.
What was I doing? Almost 37 years old, sensible, responsible, together, independent and yes, a little crazy. I had been talking to this man for a month, every night for hours. What could two people who don�t know each other possibly talk about for that long? And still feel like there is more to talk about. We are adults. We've grown out of that stuff right??
Wrong.
I just couldnt get enough of that voice coming down the line. It was so lovely that I didnt even talk about it with friends, just in case they burst my bubble of joy. I wanted to hold onto it so badly - thinking I have lost my chance in life, at a family, at love, at everything, running around travelling from state to state, job to job trying to find happiness . . .
So he was going to Sydney for a weekend of the "single life" and to meet friends. I wished him luck. I have my own life right? Off I go and I am okay. But before I do, something inside me says book flights and screw the expense - money comes and goes and this way I, once again, get to control it ALL. So I booked. He didnt know, of course, because if he did, he would have tried to pay and I couldnt have had that!! The trip was on the cards anyway, we had talked, nothing definite. He returned from my home town "Sydney". I told him what I had done and to my relief and surprise, he was delighted. Was it us even making the decision, or some unseen hand? I AM a little risky and I do gamble with the game of life from time to time, but never at the expense of anothers freedom of choice - but it just felt right to book the flight.
I was now on the plane - he was waiting for me . . . I talked to travel companions to ease the nerves. To no avail. Then we are there - OMG . . .how HOT is he? It is weird, he is me - but all MAN.
What do I do? All I wanted was to hold him, kiss him. But no, had to be polite and a lady. This is a stranger. We went home to his place. I unpacked. Where is he? He has left me to get myself together. I only wanted him to be with me. We grabbed coats to go out, up the mountain. He held my hand and it felt like home. Snow was knee deep up there and it was cold - he was warm and I felt like a woman again.
Down the mountain, the sun was out and it was off to the gardens. We watched the ducklings and the flowers in bloom with a coffee in hand. I think I just wanted to sit on his lap and look into his eyes . . . the flowers paled into the background compared to him.
Home again in every sense: tv, takeaway, cosy, safe. This is what Ive been missing. Dont need no fancy restaurant or to meet a million of his friends - just us, home. His cat loved me on sight and I loved him.
Woke to breakfast and already I dreaded going back to my life without him, or the cat.
Later he took me to all the places that make my soul happy: the beach and ice skating. He could keep up with me and I was very impressed. Its so hard to find a man who can speed skate with style!! I think to myself "he�s a keeper" and I realise what silly little things make me happy.
Although I have been lucky in life and have had boyfriends, I always considered myself a "lone wolf" and never thought I could really trust a man, but somehow Wall.e is different in a way I cant describe.
To tell you the truth, I had given up years ago, as I said before. I never even thought for a second that little trip would be anything more than just another of my adventures . . .
How wrong I was.
Now Ive been thinking, and all I can come up with is that it is both opportune and impossible . . .or maybe its just perfect.
Loving you Wall.e xox
Posted by: glitteringblue at October 25, 2008 7:22 PM
Posted by: waternymph47 at October 25, 2008 2:00 PM
Posted by: heart2heart57 at October 25, 2008 4:12 PM
Thanks, those things make more sense to me. The closest I could ever get to understanding it was along the lines of "make every moment a winner", which doesn't really make much sense to me when I'm cleaning the toilet or doing the vacuuming
Posted by: featherlessbiped at October 25, 2008 6:47 PM
Hello Everyone,
This is such a lovely thread. I feel warm and safe here. Does it matter if it's the idealistic corner?? Who cares, we all want a soft place to fall in life, with all it's hard knocks. That's what friends are for - comfort, companionship, encouragement and spiritual nourishment.
Hello and thanks to Amberlight, Shaker, Nymphette, tender H2, Drifter, Marylulu and Willow for your friendship and your support.
It might be cyberland, but it means a lot to me. I really hope we all get to meet at some stage for a party!!
Nymph - ooooh, isn't romance nice . . . ? I just knew it was going to go well for you - just a feeling . . .
Lets all just immerse ourselves in the romance of the moment shall we - this is what I call "fighting the good fight" eg. staying soft and positive when the world around us can be harsh and mean. Who needs to be a "realist" - it's a dirty word!!
I like to call myself a practical idealist - one who has always strived to make dreams a reality. It is possible you know.
Posted by: glitteringblue at October 25, 2008 6:16 PM
amberlight good call i too would rather stay single than settle for second best
Posted by: chad1958 at October 25, 2008 6:12 PM
Waternymph, thats exactly what it means to me. And how lovely your day went!
Tassie, that was a gorgeous story - how nice is it to watch the night slip away, locked in your lover's arms? Nowhere Id rather be :) A few hours euphoria is worth waiting for.
Posted by: willow29 at October 25, 2008 4:49 PM
Posted by: featherlessbiped at October 24, 2008 11:42 PM - I think it means something more along the lines of "Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today" - I don't want to put a damper on the heightened state of happiness of this blog at the moment, suffice to say that sadly sometimes there isn't a tomorrow. So, if you see a chance, take it...
Posted by: heart2heart57 at October 25, 2008 4:12 PM
Tassie, GB and Waternymph,
Such lovely stories. *sigh*
Such promising beginnings, hope it all goes wonderfully for you.
TD it is fantastic to hear about your Mum finding love again.
Is it WB's Mum, who also found real love at a later age in life?
I know a couple in their 80s who have been together since their 60s. They are such a happy, lively pair always laughing and joking around together.
They really seem to get on so well together unlike so many elderly couples you see, who you can tell have just stayed together for the convenience.
My ex in-laws were a good example. At their 50th wedding anniversary party my FIL put his arm around my MIL and kissed her on the cheek for photos and honestly, she practically jumped off the seat!
As stiff as a board and other than that, they kept their distance for the whole celebration.
Fifty years of what? Making each other miserable?
My FIL died in hospital alone, while his family discussed funeral arrangements for him at home!
Not much passion or even compassion there!
Yet this other couple hug each other freely, give each other a "hard" time and just generally love each other's company.
They say they are just so grateful for being together so long (they never actually expected to be) and apparently the secret is, never taking each other for granted! ("We may not be here tomorrow!")
They are my inspiration that true love is possible, no matter what your age!
On Ellida's "Practical" relationships, well, what is a "practical" relationship?
My thoughts are that this is a FWB's relationship or marrying someone for their money or when a young unmarried couple found they were having a baby and their parents insisted they got married "you've made your bed, now you'll lay on it!" (the not very loving dictum of not so many years ago).
If that is "practical" then I've never had a "practical" relationship, ever!
This then must be the opposite to the great love affairs of history, where two people loved and lusted after each other passionately, yet they often inflicted terrible emotional pain on each other, because despite their great passion, they were not good for each other?
Those relationships often ended tragically, leaving broken lives?
Not sure I'd want to have a relationship as "passionate" as this either!
Passion mixed with some practicality seems like the way to go!
As TD said in his first posting on this blog, why can't we have both?
After all the bills still need to be paid, we have to work, even grown-up children need support at times, we all get sick, etc.
Those who get caught up in the "heady bliss" of early love, are sure to be bitterly disappointed if they expect that and that alone to see them through their lives!
Was listening to the radio yesterday, where a woman was saying her sister had left her husband after only 9 months of marriage because "she no longer felt butterflies"!
That woman is in for a sad life, if she spends it forever seeking "butterflies".
And what pain lies ahead for those men who will love her?
Like ISTJ and Aquamanda, I am looking for love AND practicality!
Love isn't about "owning" someone, or being constantly in each other's pockets.
It's about being together because that's where you'd rather be, that being with that other person is so much better than ever contemplating being with someone else or being alone, that after he has come home from fishing and you from visiting your girlfriends, you are just so glad and excited to see each other that you can't think of another place in this world you'd rather be!
If I never find someone who I feel this way about and who feels the same way about me, then I am quite happy being alone for the next 20 or 30 years, or however long I have on this earth.
Experience has taught me that being alone and happy by myself, is so much better than being lonely and sad in a toxic relationship with someone who doesn't love you!
And WN a good explanation, although I have know a few people who tend to take it rather too literally!
It is their "mantra" for not working, studying and for constantly 'playing around'!
Posted by: amberlight58 at October 25, 2008 4:05 PM
Posted by: waternymph47 at October 25, 2008 2:00 PM
WN, very well put :))))
Posted by: outbackdrifter at October 25, 2008 2:57 PM
{ .. and live each day as though it's going to be your last.
This is not easy."People say this a lot. What does it mean? I've never been able to figure it out. For instance, if I thought today was going to be my last, I wouldn't have gone in to work. So, living each day as if it were my last, does that mean I should never go in to work?
Posted by: featherlessbiped at October 24, 2008 11:42 PM }
``````````````````````````````````
Biped .. I think you are taking it to the too literal extreme .. I think the answer really is more about .. imagining how sad it would be for the people who love you if you had never really told them how you felt about them and you died tomorrow .. would you want your lasting memory after you have gone to be of a nice but busy guy who didnt always have time for the people whom he loved.
In other words.... next time you are about to walk out someone's door without so much as a look back .. much less an endearment or a smile for the person left standing there .. is that how you'd want to be remembered if it was the last time they saw you ??
Don't know if the makes sense to you .. tell me if it doesn't :-)
Posted by: waternymph47 at October 25, 2008 2:00 PM
Gorgeous ... Posted by: waternymph47 at October 25, 2008 12:40 PM
SO good to hear these positives rather than the focus on angst and anger.
Thank you thank you!!
I hope love rains down upon you.
Posted by: marylulu at October 25, 2008 1:29 PM
Posted by: softfeather at October 25, 2008 12:13 PM
"Tassie - The art & gift of verbal story telling is a dying craftsmanship in today's society. We need souls like yours to retell these life stories. Thank you for sharing & reminding us human kindness surrounds each & everyone."
SF, you are so right, it is heartwarming to hear of such gentle, warm intimacy in a world that seems to have gone crazy. It restores one's faith in the belief that we are all loving beings and deserve to be happy.
Here's to more of the same. Love and hugs to GB and Tas. :) xxx
Posted by: hipshaker at October 25, 2008 1:25 PM
tassiedude1 at October 25, 2008 12:44 AM
Rod, you are such a lovely considerate man.. not leaping on her .. giving her space and allowing her to move gradually into your comfort zone!
Doing things together, shared pleasures .. what a great start to your relationship!
So here's my story........
I too have been communicating with someone really nice for a few months now and we met for the first time yesterday.
We met at the shopping center .. chatted over coffee .. gentle hand contact as he examined the several silver rings I wear! Then off to do the shopping and home to my place.
While I made a brief comfort stop he started puting the shopping away for me in the kitchen .. and did an excellent job of finding the right places for things.
We walked up to the bottle shop for some wine and came back along the path by the lake and then came back for a cup of tea and lots more conversation.
He offered to help with preparing dinner & when I declined he asked would I mind if he hovered and chatted ... which I didnt.
After a lovely shared meal and a couple of glasses of wine we headed down to the lake again to walk, then sit on a bench and watch the last of the sunset.
He wrapped an arm around me to keep me warm .. gently stroked my cheek ... then followed a few gentle kisses .. more talking and then wander back to my place!
He is a masseure .. and as he carries his massage chair in the car .. he offered a shoulder massage to relieve some of my back tension. I had no fear of placing myself in his hands.. he'd won my trust . and what followed was an excellent proffessional upper back massage... bliss!
Another cuppa after that .. lots more talking and it was time for him to head back to Sydney!
He rang me this morning as soon as he woke .. sounding all warm and fuzzy and half asleep and again we chatted on till he realised had to be up and moving into his day and getting ready for evening shift!
It was the nicest easiest time Ive ever spent in amy man's company .. and I'm sure there is more to come !
I'm glad we have taken the "getting to know one another" so slowly .. I think it has potential!!
Perhaps a combination of practicality and pleasure?
Posted by: waternymph47 at October 25, 2008 12:40 PM
I think euphoria touches your emotions more so and if that is fleeting it can leave us pining for more of the same. It makes the practical pale in comparison. I think I would opt for a pleasurable but practical relationship. Why cant we have both? Maybe its not up to the practical relationship to define itself or make it pleasurable but up to us to find the magic moments in it or infact create our own magic therefore creating the pleasurable within it. I suppose this is a topic each unto their own. Your comments have been wonderful to read thank you xxx
Posted by: allsummalong at October 25, 2008 12:18 PM
Posted by: tassiedude1 at October 23, 2008 10:45 PM
Posted by: tassiedude1 at October 25, 2008 12:44 AM
Tassie - The art & gift of verbal story telling is a dying craftsmanship in today's society. We need souls like yours to retell these life stories. Thank you for sharing & reminding us human kindness surrounds each & everyone.
Sadly there are times we think, believe & feel we are caught in a web where there is no release & this can be damaging to our capacity to live life to our full potential.
Yeah life is good. Life is rich with so many joyful & wonderful experiences. It's just how we see & live them that make it how it is........ :))))
Posted by: softfeather at October 25, 2008 12:13 PM
Posted by: himagain at October 25, 2008 12:44 AM
Hi there himagain - Reading your message I found your statement regarding meeting locals ladies interesting. Having once lived & worked in the area for nearly 20 years I felt the same, re locals, when I started to rebuild my life. I did spend quite a length of time considering if it was my mindset or my history in being so entrenched in the area. I came to the decision the main demographics of the suburbs were no longer what was needed to enhance this time in my life journey.
For me it was the healthiest move I have made. I moved closer to the city which means I can easily access more activities without the hassle of the travel & I have had more opportunity to meet people who are in a similar place with their life.
Another interesting thing I have noticed over the last 3 years of being single is the number of men your age who have a healthy balanced life outlook similar to you. It's a joy to read about men such as you or as your posts reflect. No matter the gender of the person it is enriching to read & hear people of your age group, or any adult age group, take healthy caring ownership of their life in a mindful manner for themself & those around them.
Blessings for your life journey...
Posted by: softfeather at October 25, 2008 11:29 AM
hey GB and TD you are both so lucky - wishing you all the happiness in the world - seen as the bloggers are family don't forget out invitations if it gets to the wedding stage lol!!
Posted by: lovetolaugh57 at October 25, 2008 11:20 AM
Posted by: tassiedude1 at October 25, 2008 12:44 AM - Ahhhhh...... inhale the intoxicating sweet scent of the bud of a romance about to bloom. The sky is blue, the air is fresh, and the water is clear. The spirit lifts and mingles in the ether, and together they rise through the dawning mist and form delicate fine beads on the morning's gossamer. The sun bursts through on the distant horizon: Fiery. Orange, yellow, red, and it's new-born rays pierce out in shafts of hope and splendour through the new days wispy cotton-lace vapour. The soul feels a new grounding surge. Promises of things to come. A new age has begun. Bliss...
Posted by: heart2heart57 at October 25, 2008 10:55 AM
tassiedude1 a perfect inspirational story to start my weekend.
I wonder if there are more tassie men around haha..
I had a fabulous weekend in Hobart 2 years ago when my children flew me there for my 50th.
Many blessings on your relationship tassiedude.
Posted by: marylulu at October 25, 2008 9:45 AM
Posted by: featherlessbiped at October 24, 2008 11:42 PM
drone it means exactly what it says, it's not rocket science, it's not statistics, it's just pure human emotion and the capability to live life to the full
it can't be quantified, or pigeonholed, it can't be analysed................. it's just is .
Posted by: outbackdrifter at October 25, 2008 9:35 AM
Tassiedude...I think my love song was written just for you:))
Posted by: istj54 at October 25, 2008 9:32 AM
I have another little story:
The first time I met Eva.
I was waiting at the airport nervous as all hell. Of course I had seen photos and we had been e-mailing and talking lots on the phone but still there's nothing like actually meeting for the first time. I watched the plane land and then there she was. My jaw nearly dropped when I saw her and I thought omg how hot is this girl. So here she was, standing in front of me. Should I talk, should I touch her? What the? Brain melt down. I think I managed to kiss her on the cheek. She looked obviously nervous as well which was completely understandable.
So we waited for the luggage to start rotating on the carousel. I tell you it felt like it took about five hours. Finnally her bags arrived and the next thing we are in the car racing toward Hobart and my home. (Now now don't go thinking such thoughts I can assure you it was totally innocent).
So she unpacked for a little while. I tried to give her as much space as I possibly could although my burning curiosity was getting the better of me. I retrieved some warm jackets from the robe and drove her to the top of Mt Wellington. It was a beautiful day. It was a little cold and windy but otherwise sunny. The view was spectacular. All the way down the Derwent river and across to some of the islands and out to sea. We walked for a little while and found some of the last remaining winter snow unmelted lurking in the shadows. I knew she would like this as she would not have seen snow for quite some time plus it gave me the perfect opportunity to hold her hand so she wouldn't slip over even though she is fiercely independent.
Then we drove to the botanical gardens. I hadn't been there in such a long time but it was just so perfect. The ducks had recently had little ducklings and the tulips were just so spectacular as well as everything else was in bloom. I couldn't help thinking to myself yay!
That night we got take away Indian and a dvd. I had already stocked the fridge with a plethora of different foods, wine and had the incense burning. We pulled the bedding out in front of the tv and fell asleep holding one another in our arms. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect day.
The next morning I cooked bacon, eggs and mushrooms on freshly baked bread. We then drove to one of my favourite beaches and walked along the untrodden sand until we reached the cliffs and made our way over until we reached a private little beach. The water was crystal clear and the surf was rolling through. Another sunny brilliant day. After that we drove back to town and went to the ice skating rink. Another perfect opportunity to be holding hands. The place was empty when we got there so we were skating all by ourselves to love songs playing over the pa system. Anyway we skated until our legs were exhausted and I drove her back home.
After that it's absolutely none of anyone's business. :-)
I don't know weather to call that opportune or just impossible. To me it was just perfect.
Rod xx
Posted by: tassiedude1 at October 25, 2008 12:44 AM
I have never considered the practical side of a relationship. I'm sure it exists; as I imagine there is a need, or place, for it. I'm all about emotions. If a lady makes me feel simply wonderful, if I can't help but smile when I think of her and she has these silly little quirky things about her that I just adore; then geography, or any other such practical issue, will mean nothing. I have never had a relationship out of conveinience; in fact, just the idea of it goes completely against the grain. Having said this; it has come from a guy who has never had a one night stand; and couldn't.......it's just not me. I feel that to enter into a relationship for practical reasons is quite a selfish thing to do; simply using a person. I'm thankful that I'm not built that way; what a terrible way to treat people. A while back, I did attempt to meet local ladies; what a nightmare that turned out to be. I then met a lady from Uganda, Africa. Such a beautiful person. Honest, sincere, funny; quite simply, a pure heart. So I went ot Africa.
Posted by: himagain at October 25, 2008 12:44 AM
Posted by: margie18 at October 24, 2008 9:55 PM:
"and live each day as though it's going to be your last. This is not easy."
People say this a lot. What does it mean? I've never been able to figure it out. For instance, if I thought today was going to be my last, I wouldn't have gone in to work. So, living each day as if it were my last, does that mean I should never go in to work?
Posted by: featherlessbiped at October 24, 2008 11:42 PM
This is by far one of the most enjoyable threads I have read. I can only speak about myself and my experience. I don�t know what you call it but this is the scenario i want: it will be 4:55pm at work and i cant wait to go home because someone so very significant in my life wants to be there too. Someone who will have to disentangle herself from my arms and legs in the morning. I guess this indicates that I greatly value a pleasurable relationship. However, she will also be someone i enjoy having an intelligent chat with and discuss how we want to run the practical side of our lives. In the relationship I want we will subconsciously make little sacrifices here and there to let the practical half of our lives be as enjoyable as the pleasurable half. I hope this makes sense to you guys.
Posted by: futureoz at October 24, 2008 11:09 PM
It would be nice to look at life and be practical.... but we die, and there's nothing practical about that. Grab life with both hands... and live each day as though it's going to be your last. This is not easy. There is pain also ....when you live life to the full. But we have no other choice but death.
Posted by: margie18 at October 24, 2008 9:55 PM
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away.
This is a glorious gentle loving thread already filled with hope and joy....love hearing about tassiedudes experience and about his mother!
I had had both, so practical I nearly died of boredem and so sensational and impossible I simply nearly died.
If I could choose again ....I'd hope for lots of amazing but a little practical (like we can make a go of this) ....
Thanks for the inspiration.
Posted by: marylulu at October 24, 2008 9:28 AM
Posted by: istj54 at October 24, 2008 8:10 AM... I totally agree with you....Some see it as a lack of committment though, and for me and I'm sure for you, that is absolutely not the case. It's more a question of needing to maintain current interests and activities and a little space. I would fully support a partner to do the same and then treasure the together time. Cool breezey and brilliant sun in Canberra. :)
Posted by: aquamanda56 at October 24, 2008 8:55 AM
...esprit...just read your profile for this week...love your glamour shots...I had some done with my daughter a few years ago and they were hideous...I think your ponderings fit in with this topic. I know that I am not looking for marriage, or someone to be with 24/7 but just a close, caring, passionate relationship with someone to have fun with, share with, laugh with and support...but it doesn't have to be 24/7. I am way to busy with work, family and friends...and I guess that is another point...some would ask if there is room for a man in our lives. I think so, but do men expect 24/7 too and that creates a problem? I wonder...they say they want independent women but often when you begin a relationship they want you available or they get a bit miffed when you are busy...just my thoughts on this dull Melb morning...birds are singing though:))
Posted by: istj54 at October 24, 2008 8:10 AM
It is by not always thinking of yourself, if you can manage it, that you might somehow be happy. Until you make room in your life for someone as important to you as yourself, you will always be searching and lost.
Posted by: forevernow1 at October 24, 2008 7:54 AM
Hey Tas,
Thanks for sharing that lovely story, you hear these tales so much and wonder ' Hey, will that happen for me?' You just have to have your eyes and heart open for the moment it happens! :) x
Posted by: hipshaker at October 24, 2008 7:45 AM
Rod, that's a lovely thought to cling to and that you two are so head over heels and making it happen in spite of the distance shows us all that love persists in spite of potential barriers.
Posted by: willow29 at October 24, 2008 6:58 AM
Being over 50 for me the hard yard life lessons have been chartered & I've learnt from my past. Playful & pleasurable is a desire but I'm now more prepared if there are more hard yard lessons to come (the practical stuff).
If I'm blessed with another relationship hopefully he will be at a similar stage in his life where he has grown from his past. Then together we can create, maintain & endure the gentle play times & the tough moments. I look forward to the time we can play & share life together as a couple who are able to be open to the joys of life.
Independence has been liberating for me. I've learnt to play & not worry about tomorrow because you are dead for too long & a relationship can end in a heart beat. Like they say "embrace life with heart & arms open wide".
PS Glitter & Tassie.... tender gentle blessings to you both :)
Posted by: softfeather at October 24, 2008 12:33 AM
Hay hipshaker. Yeah she is just wonderful. You know I wasn't holding much hope for this sort of thing happening to me. Then just out of the blue it happened and here I am. Fully stoked.
I have a little story:
When my dad died my mum was so devastated. She became very depressed and quite often phoned me saying she didn't want to live anymore. This went on for quite some time about three and a half years actually. She became quite indecisive and wasn't sure about moving to Qld or staying here in Tas.
Then one day she phoned and told me she had met someone. She was a little concerned, you know, how us kids would feel about him not being our dad and all that. I told her not to be crazy and to go for it. Us kids were so supportive and happy for her.
But you know the truth of the matter. It wasn't so much that I was stoked about my mum finding someone it was more that if she could do it at her age then there was always a little hope left for me as well.
So there you have it one way or another happiness always finds its way to your door-step no matter who or how old you are.
It's a nice thought to cling on to.
Cheers Rod
Posted by: tassiedude1 at October 23, 2008 10:45 PM
Hello you two lovely gentlemen, It seems you have found a nice quiet blog to chat upon, yikes it's scary on some of them!
Hope you are both well.
Congrats to you Tassie on your new found love, she is indeed a beautiful spirit, an amazing woman and I am glad she is a pal of mine! I wish you both well. Where can I get me some of that?????
Hey Drifter, how are things out back?
Have missed your calming influence the last few days.
I am with you Drifter, all the way on the impractical! We are a long time gone, so live life to the max when you get a chance! That's living! :)
Posted by: hipshaker at October 23, 2008 10:09 PM
For me pleasurable relationships every time, yes most of the time it's completely impractical, yes it really means sticking neck out and discover unchartered waters but what a high you get from it, it makes you feel you can achieve anything, feel anything, be anything.
Practical relationships are just that.......... practical, no heart and soul :)))
Posted by: outbackdrifter at October 23, 2008 7:50 PM
Yikes who's got the testicles to answer this one?
Cant I just have both?
Posted by: tassiedude1 at October 23, 2008 7:13 PM
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