RSVP Blog

It is 30 years since I have dated and have been horrified to find myself making / doing alot of the daft things that I did way back then. Didn't work then and won't work now. Is it because deep down I didn't want it to...fear? Look forward to coming back and reading a few more comments.

Posted by: tellmewhynot at October 21, 2010 9:58 AM

Let me put it this way..
I love black and red, so to boost up my confidence (esp on 1st date) i'll definitely wear something with those color(s). I also have this tendency to wear my best clothes and killer shoes on dates, i don't know, most prolly to show my dates how lucky they are to have me as their dates -> yes i'm that shallow (-__-!!)
If somehow, my date is less than i expected (both personality and physically) then i'll simply call it off. But in a nice way for sure. I don't wanna hurt his feelings. No specific escape route. If he becomes angry or hates me afterwards, then so be it. I'd rather be honest than lying or make something up just to cover my lack of interest. And i expect the same from my date -> you may call me heartless or selfish, but that's just who i am. Pls don't take it the wrong way :)

Posted by: ojagg at October 21, 2010 3:38 AM

SELF or INDIFFERENCE ! loudsilence

Posted by: onlymyking at October 3, 2009 1:32 AM

I don't know.. I don't think i have any conscious dating habits. I am usually nervous to begin with but i get over it, when i get over being nervous i am pretty giggly if i am 'feeling it' (which is a good sign!). I try to be myself and focus on making the other person feel comfortable. In terms of when to call and stuff like that i tend to throw convention out the window and do whatever feels right. I'm not big on small talk would prefer to just talk about anything and everything :)
Dress sense? No safe outfit to speak of just something i am comfortable in. I make sure i have clean soft hair, mild perfume that can only be smelt when leaning in to speak closely and depending on the venue some sexy heels.

Posted by: doucerfemme at February 3, 2009 12:18 PM

Love is not an emotion.
Love is behaviour.
Just ask a child.

Posted by: woodnwine at December 17, 2008 4:28 PM

This sounds like a fun discussion in here, I love men who dress up fishnets are the go and plenty of leg to go with it hehe. I have an uncle who is very popular on todays entertainment scene and quite the performer in ladies wear literally..
My date habit would be I dont go out very often and I just love this black dress and my fishnets with ladyjanes and a simple waist scarf, that I cant seem to find anything else to wear on that elusive first one. My wardrobe is full of vintage dresses skirts and lovely peices yet I will always go back to that dress as I just love the way it moves on my body the feel and how it accentuates my hips I just feel beautiful in it.
Tragic but theres hope I have chosen another vintage dress to wear this new years eve with a tie lace crotcheted cardigan instead of the waist scarf.. I am taking my old dress tho just incase hehe.

Happy new year to everyone, it should be fun down here in Hobart its a great place to have new year just like being in a big country town fantastic music, food, wine company and not too overcrowded..
:)) Nel

Posted by: enchantinel at December 17, 2008 4:09 PM

Posted by: grego7 at December 11, 2008 2:57 PM - *shimmies across to your end of the room...*

Posted by: heart2heart57 at December 12, 2008 11:37 PM

Posted by: heart2heart57 at December 2, 2008 8:26 AM

H2H, as long as it has lots of sequins.
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at December 11, 2008 2:57 PM

shame you don't like black, I have some stiletto heeled knee high boots that would go with those fishnets really well, want a lend.....lol.....but , black boots would look ok with peacock blue....god I now have frankenfurter in my head.....bit pissed after the work chrissy party this arvo...have a lovely hangover free evenong alll...jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at December 5, 2008 10:58 PM

Posted by: waternymph47 at December 5, 2008 2:34 PM - Except black...

Posted by: heart2heart57 at December 5, 2008 9:44 PM

I'm sure Greg has the style and dignity to look good in whatever he chose to wear!!

Posted by: waternymph47 at December 5, 2008 2:34 PM

Posted by: grego7 at December 2, 2008 1:07 AM - Yah...I pictured you more in something of a Peacock Blue :)

Posted by: heart2heart57 at December 2, 2008 8:26 AM

Posted by: heart2heart57 at November 30, 2008 11:43 PM

H2H, I agree with you. Black is just not my colour.
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at December 2, 2008 1:07 AM

Posted by: laughsandtalks at November 30, 2008 12:32 PM - Now, the visual of FB in fishnets and red lippy was scary enough. But Grego in a black slinky? *shudders*.... :)

Posted by: heart2heart57 at November 30, 2008 11:43 PM

...they stopped using numbers in K Mart long ago,,,It is now Meduim, Large and Extra Ordinary..the small sizes never sold so they cut them out.........but maybe just maybe your "borrow" can be replaced by "get into"...suspecting it was a typo

Posted by: simonyet at November 30, 2008 8:21 PM

heart2heart57 November 28, 2008 8:57 PM

Maybe he wants to borrow that 'black number'?
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at November 30, 2008 12:32 PM

"What do ladies expect these days dating wise?"
(makeadifference1 at November 28, 2008 11:22 AM)
Kindness , consideration & communication! To be treated like a human being with the same wants and needs as your own!
We are all only human!
As many of us have stated on "Say What You Mean: .. to be listened to .. not just heard.
Speaking for myself .. when I first meet someone from RSVP it will be after we have swapped a few "getting to know you" emails, talked on the phone and then(once assured that we are both keen to meet) meet on neutral territory for a coffee.
If the coffee and communication seems to be going so well that neither of you are in a hurry to depart .. perhaps move on somewhere for lunch!

There is never any expectation on my part that the man will pay for my coffee or meal at first meeting .. but if he offers to do so I will accept gracefully.
If you open my door or pull out a chair for me I will also accept gracefully .. but won't be offended if you don't!

If the friendship/relationship progresses I will no doubt invite him home and cook him a meal from time to time too!
Either way there are no hard and fast rules ... just be a friend first and take things slowly! :-)

Posted by: waternymph47 at November 30, 2008 11:18 AM

grego7 at November 28, 2008 6:05 PM ..
Thanks Greg, All compliments gracefully accepted! :-)

Posted by: waternymph47 at November 29, 2008 8:36 PM

Posted by: grego7 at November 28, 2008 6:05 PM - *rubs eyes*

Posted by: heart2heart57 at November 28, 2008 8:57 PM

makeadifference1 November 28, 2008 11:22 AM
You wrote "..What do ladies expect these days dating wise?...'

My suggestion is to listen to what women say, but find out what men who are succesful with women actually do.
It is often a case of less is more.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at November 28, 2008 7:15 PM

Posted by: waternymph47 at November 28, 2008 4:56 PM

"Not that you'd neccessarily have looked at me any way"

WN, dont sell yourself short R. You look pretty hot in the black number on the balcony.
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at November 28, 2008 6:05 PM

makeadifference1"In my day it was open the doors, pull out the chair, pay the bill. The man always picked up the woman, never the other way around". Yep, works for me. Many women describe themselves as being modern with old-fashioned standards. I would certainly include myself.

Personally, I would sooner have someone risk offending me with doing stuff like this than someone definitely offending me by not. Having said that, I do tend to ask if the guy wants any contribution to the meal/coffee/whatever on the first date....and just because he has paid out for the first date does not equate to he will pay out for all of threm....I expect to be managing a sort of turnaround process at some time by offering things like paying for cinema tickets, taking the wine, or other things as the dating goes past the first one. With regards to the first, he asks me, he usually chooses the venue, he does all of the above that you mention, I consider he has shown he is the sort of gentleman who treats me with respect and has potential....and many on here will not be the same and will have very different views. Wish I could help you more, mate.

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at November 28, 2008 5:09 PM

makeadifference1 at November 28, 2008 11:22 AM
I was in your neck of the woods this time last year .. but in the process of finding out that the friendship turned live in relationship had quickly turned sour and wasn't working for either of us.
(Not that you'd neccessarily have looked at me any way )..
You seem like a nice genuine guy who has been thru the mill and come out OK and I'm sure in time you will meet a lovely lady that you can have the kind of relationship you hope for with :-) Best of luck !!

Posted by: waternymph47 at November 28, 2008 4:56 PM

Hey ladies, how about some help for a confused bloke that was raised pre feminism and has been off the dating scene for a long time.

What do ladies expect these days dating wise?

In my day it was open the doors, pull out the chair, pay the bill. The man always picked up the woman, never the other way around.

These days you never know. Some women appreciate it, others seem to be actually offended by what I was taught was simply good manners. Had coffee the other day with a female friend who was offended when I paid the whole bill. Called me Sexist! (As for me you can pay the whole bill any time you like. I have no objection to being a kept man - wouldn't it be nice?).

Anyway, What is a good first date? Not the RSVP coffe meet, but a real date?

BTW after certain comments on this blog I've checked out some profiles. There are some truly beautiful women here. (Jen, ELF to name two, sorry if your embarrased.) Unfortunately most of them live on the other side of the country from me.

Posted by: makeadifference1 at November 28, 2008 11:22 AM

Here's what I learnt last night for the seemingly intelligent monotony of it all.

1. The all knowing and all seeing fight fire with fire. But someone must have tied their shoelaces together without them knowing and the continuous falling over one another to get to slap me....but you do make it look different because it has become mindless and people are suffering from foot in mouth e.g. my husband wears jeans, t-shirt and running shoes to dinner and I think it looks good...you dont realise you are saying something about yourself more than him....really child like behaviour...oh go on say "who's the child really" but that is typical of what I am talking about, nevertheless...attack at all costs.

But it is alright for you to say nasty things here and in many other blogs about me whenever I contradict something the hierarchy says...but it really doesn't bother me in the slightest otherwise I would have taken my cricket bat and gone home. The pecking order has been established long ago and membership is not attractive...except if you fall into the next category.....

Most of the males that blog in here do so as you women are the only ones on RSVP that talk to them. You think anyone would really notice them and their extremely vibrant personalities without the blog billboard. Except for some guy who is in a relationship (supposedly) but has to come in here for mental stimulation. Serious bunch group of yes men. Oh and that dog on heat, now isn't he a real catch ladies?

2. We become what we detest in others by allowing ourselves (or being leveraged as you have been...so easily) to face in this direction of retaliation, anger, aggression and expose your true self but still nobody inside the house can see themselves because it is all "I love you, no I love you more...great post, thankyou you too, love the photo, umm it is good isn’t it"....

Anyone with half a brain gets continually slapped because that is the hierarchy's position on the subject and we will all follow the leader as dictated by the club's rules and regulations.

You think that I have created all this attention by myself. But I do thank everyone for the opportunity, the guard left down that allowed me to infiltrate....

The you get people that rise above all of it : Posted by: annabelle1962 at November 28, 2008 1:09 AM

Posted by: simonyet at November 28, 2008 11:08 AM

Must admit ISTJ that did sound a bit bitchy.

Is there anything wrong with those who have met acknowledging who they are? I hardly think so.

Those of us who connect up via the blogs do so for a reason. It's like I said earlier how lovely it is to surround yourself with those you respect and admire. Why not extend that outside the blogs if it is possible? We are all on new journeys in our life being on this site. Why not then surround ourselves with new groups of contacts and friends.

It can be good meeting and seeing if they are who you think they are. Like Waterbombe said a couple of days ago, often they are not quite who they seem. Some match the image you glean from their writings, some do not.

I think it is fantastic that there is a group of bloggers who have become friends and socialise outside the blogs. I am hoping to find a friendship group for myself like that.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at November 28, 2008 9:46 AM

Aww how sweet!
Simonyet, I suggest you remove the mirror or at least try not to gaze adoringly into it while writing bloggs:-)

Posted by: waternymph47 at November 28, 2008 9:37 AM

...I love you, no I love you more...no but I said it first, no but I still love you more...no you dont I love you more than you love me...ah ah, cant because I love you more...yeah but I really do love you more...no way remember I said it before you, ok, but I still love you more.....oh come here and lets stop all this....I really know nobody loves you more than you....give us a kiss.

Posted by: simonyet at November 28, 2008 8:47 AM

Annabelle @ 1.09am ~ How beautifully written and I totally agree.

"I remain committed to the enchantment..." Love that line! "Enchantment" What a divine word.

Have a great day everyone. Now maybe that man that captures my heart will enchant me today. I live in hope.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at November 28, 2008 8:05 AM

did anyone notice that simon' photo looks staged??? would it have been taken by a professional??? Is it showing the real simon? Or is itn a fake on a puppet profile? mmm interesting.......

I just noticed it because he is in my 'who viewed me list" have a lovely Friday all...jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at November 28, 2008 8:03 AM

Posted by: featherlessbiped at November 27, 2008 10:10 PM - Hmmm... there's a few posts you might like to re-read...

Posted by: heart2heart57 at November 28, 2008 1:49 AM

Posted by: simonyet at November 27, 2008 8:30 PM

Simon, old puppet you, I leave the blogs for a day or so and come back to find you being nasty to Esprit. Sorry, mouldy sock fella, she is way out of your league and your master's as well.

And her photos really do not adequately convey her beauty or her intelligence, empathy and compassion but I guess the best thing is she is just damn good fun to be with.

So why dont you get back into your box, there's a good chap. BTW, tell your master that I have bought a new pair of waterproof
shoes. Ready to try then anytime. I'm sure he will be interested.
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at November 28, 2008 1:17 AM

Dear Bloggers, I caught up with some reading of postings tonight, there are a few that I find somewhat wasteful of an opportunity ... my humble opinion.

I remain committed to the enchantment of what is beneath the facade ... show me a real person, show me your heart, demonstrate your values, estimulate me with your wisdom of mind. This is far beyond and apart from the looks and dressing up style one may have any time. I find that when I find such person/people he/they will be friends for ever - and if there is more between us possibly a partner. At my age (46) I have learnt and further nurtured the view that 'looks' alone are deceiving and this is not a myth.

There is something precious in the inner strength/beauty/allure of an individual that is priceless and worth every effort we put into building a relationship (intimate or other) ... it may be a coined phrase perhaps too often used 'don't judge a book by its cover'. This statement sure means something in my world view. Cheers

Annabelle

Posted by: annabelle1962 at November 28, 2008 1:09 AM

Ahhhh ! I know what simeon's problem is ....it's the Viagra in his coffee.!!!!!!...Do you really think he has a Mother.....nah....no way ! a clinic maybe hahaha

Posted by: mrbike56 at November 27, 2008 11:07 PM

Drugs and simeon....na.....simeons problem is his grip......he's squeezing so hard he's cut circulation to his ......head ! hahaha

Posted by: mrbike56 at November 27, 2008 10:47 PM

Posted by: auntykaz at November 27, 2008 10:13 PM:

The first post Simon made I thought had some interesting points. But since then, he has shown his true colours and been most disappointing.

You know, Simon's mum was a woman. I hope at least that he has some respect for her.

Posted by: featherlessbiped at November 27, 2008 10:31 PM

....hey she hit me first......but not on this blog,....this one was easy to deface.....

Posted by: simonyet at November 27, 2008 10:24 PM

Sighmoan, or should l say Simplesimon, hmm, not quite sure which one fits you yet, as both are an adequate description of your rants......

Is this how you plan to attract women to you??
With nothing but attacks and putdowns ???

I think you need to get a grip, old boy, your halo is heading south at a great rate of knots.....A grip on reality that is..........
Pleasant dreams Sighmoan, a positive thought would not go astray if you could be bothered to put one out there......oooppps forgot, that aint your style...........K

Posted by: auntykaz at November 27, 2008 10:13 PM

Posted by: simonyet at November 27, 2008 9:42 PM

Is that the best you can do... lol.

Who cares? I'm (roughly) 20 years younger than esprit, live in a quite different state, and we are not in the same dating scenario.

Geez, man... try having an open mind about people. As far as I can tell from her posts on here over a period of time, esprit is a decent person who deserves some respect. She is not harsh or judgemental... she doesn't make wild generalisations about men (as you seem to do about women).

Maybe try thinking of people as humans rather than men or women, and it might help, eh?

I don't buy any sort of view that runs along the lines of "women are always right/men are bastards", but you seem to have come to this site with an attitude of "I'm going to shoot all the women down". Hardly a dignified attitude for a middle-aged man, I would have thought. :)

Posted by: featherlessbiped at November 27, 2008 10:10 PM

simon - I'm sure you have your good points as well. I'm a positive thinker.

Posted by: woodnwine at November 27, 2008 9:44 PM

...no, you're beautiful...no, you're beautiful...no, you are...no, you are...okay ....we all are:))

Posted by: istj54 at November 27, 2008 9:43 PM

I have heard about these guys that say things to get into woman's pants....you look better than your photo, did I tell you how gorgeous you are...that stuff....and I suppose you are ego driven and believe it

Posted by: simonyet at November 27, 2008 9:42 PM

Posted by: simonyet at November 27, 2008 2:38 PM:

What drugs are you on, dude?

The term "glamour shot" just means that someone has dressed up and put on a bit of makeup, and had some photos taken. That's all it means, colloquially.

esprit's photos are pretty tasteful, I would have thought. There's no soft lighting, no dodgy poses, and I think she's actually very photogenic. I think they look very attractive.

It's obvious she has makeup on, but it's not badly put together, and the overall effect isn't try-hard.

You would have more credibility if you weren't seen to be looking for any opportunity to knock a woman down. But as you can't seem to restrain yourself, you have no credibility.

Posted by: featherlessbiped at November 27, 2008 9:25 PM

No please I dont deserve all of this attention, you are getting distracted from admiring espiritb..femme.....please look towards the light.....

Posted by: simonyet at November 27, 2008 9:25 PM

"after his last escapade his profile came up as inactive". mr bike he could be blocking you.

And yes, I do think he is. His style of attack that is current sounds awfully familiar to me.

And thanks Jen. Considering what an adorably beautiful person and woman you are, that is lovely of you.

And thanks for your comments as well woodnwine.

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at November 27, 2008 9:01 PM

"A truly beautiful woman in all respects.
Jen
Posted by: jenniferhi at November 27, 2008 8:39 PM"

I agree Jen ..... QLD men what are you waiting for? And her dogs are truly beautiful.

Posted by: woodnwine at November 27, 2008 8:52 PM

"The thought of putting my hand up his......yuk!!!
The internet creates some weird dynamics!
Posted by: espritlibrefemme at November 27, 2008 7:52 PM"

Now THAT made me laugh out loud. Good one ELF.

Posted by: woodnwine at November 27, 2008 8:49 PM

I can verify Simon isn't ELF. We were having dinner at the exact time of one of his posts.

We know she is one talented and clever lady, but even I don't think she could have juggled that one. lol.

A truly beautiful woman in all respects.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at November 27, 2008 8:39 PM

Still looks like hairy armpits with the dogs under the arm thing.....just thought all the loving had to stop before my hard drive went all soft on me. Sorry to break up the love affair with yourself, but I am sure you will get overi it...try the rebound thread for support.

Posted by: simonyet at November 27, 2008 8:30 PM

espiritlibrefemme......do you really think he's someone's puppet ....after his last escapade his profile came up as inactive. cheers R

Posted by: mrbike56 at November 27, 2008 8:24 PM

Marylulu, Woody ofers sage sdvice there......just breathe..........K

Posted by: auntykaz at November 27, 2008 7:58 PM

I just want to make it clear to everyone that Simonyet is not me as a puppet...and I am doing this because I am getting so many kisses/hugs/smiles from people supporting my profile since he started blogging attacks at the profile...and I am very grateful to all the folks who are doing this but, honestly, I don't need any of it...and as I seem to be climbing up that top 100 with it all, the conclusion could be drawn that I am him doing me in so that people will come forward with support...
And I also don't take anything he says with any degree of authenticity. There are people on here who have met me so know what I am really like...and if Simonyet is a puppet, he isn't mine. Ok? Doesn't mean he isn't someone else's though.....
The thought of putting my hand up his......yuk!!!
The internet creates some weird dynamics!

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at November 27, 2008 7:52 PM

HELLO......GLAMOUR BOY...sorry....CLAMMY BOY....LOL

Posted by: mrbike56 at November 27, 2008 7:43 PM

Dictionary definition
Glamour
1. A charm affecting the eye, making objects appear different from what they really are.
2. Witchcraft; magic; a spell. --Tennyson.
3. A kind of haze in the air, causing things to appear different from what they really are.
The air filled with a strange, pale glamour that seemed to lie over the broad valley. --W. Black.
4. Any artificial interest in, or association with, an object, through which it appears delusively magnified or glorified.

And at first glance...the dogs do have a glamour about them

Posted by: simonyet at November 27, 2008 4:37 PM

Viagra is now available to slip into first date coffee. I just read this. Apparently,it won't help you sexually but is does stop your biscuit from going soggy

Posted by: thelynathdiary at November 27, 2008 4:37 PM

"I am enjoying other people's thoughts ..it's a been a long long time since my last first date so little clues about how you take this big step are gratefully received.
Beautiful sunny Sunday in New England.
Posted by: marylulu at October 19, 2008 2:25 PM"

Don't forget marylulu, many men will be in the same boat and a little nervous. As ELF said, just do it but don't expect everything to be perfect and you'll probably have fun. Don't put too high an expectation on things .... some work out, some don't.

Posted by: woodnwine at November 27, 2008 3:52 PM

hey simon - here you are over in this blog slagging off at people about their photos, what a surprise. Personally I think ELF's photos are good, particularly the one with her dogs.

Posted by: woodnwine at November 27, 2008 3:13 PM

Well i to seem blessed with the "youthfull gene" people are always stunned to find out i have a 14 yr old that towers over me but i aint english so must be something in the water i guess... lol i dont see a need to take glam shots so people wont be shocked at my youthfull appearance on a date lol actualy stuff like that is flattering and amusing the fact is if its a tastefull nice pic it doesnt matter where u take it from or how much u spend on it people will appriciate it for what it is anyway :)

Posted by: xxbj at November 27, 2008 2:47 PM

Hey girls, most guys are onto the studio taken glam shots, nice to look at and maybe to get a guy to look at you profile initially, but most of us know they're fake and want to see the real woman.

Posted by: makeadifference1 at November 27, 2008 2:09 PM

guys, if you can not get, or don't feel comfortable getting glam shots....do what I did, I was out with friends, one was at a wedding, and another a dinner, and my girlfriends just took happy snaps. If you are out, bit of make up on, having fun...get a friend to take a pic...then you have it if you want to put it on a profile...and happy snaps always work well as you are out and relaxed...and it will show....just my thoughts...jewewls

Posted by: junebaby57 at November 21, 2008 5:39 PM

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at October 19, 2008 9:10 PM

ok, cool. was just curious.

Posted by: kisskat at October 20, 2008 5:40 PM

Have you ever considered a career in car sales ELF?Politics perhaps?

Posted by: tallerthantom at October 20, 2008 11:27 AM

kisskat, I look like the latest pics according to friends, family and others. The previous photos had me looking older than I do in life. I do look at ten years younger than I am, as everyone who has ever met me can confirm....that has been one of the issues with using my home-made photos using my phone camera, guys meet me and are shocked because I look so much younger! So no, kisskat, these truer representations, that aren't 'worked' by the way, are far less of a worry than my previous shots.
Sorry, but very youthful genes....maybe because I am English.

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at October 19, 2008 9:10 PM

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at October 19, 2008 12:49 PM

the glam pics make you look a lot younger than your years....im wondering if that concerns you? the natural pics used previously showed you as you really are (a good looking mid 50s woman) without the touch ups.

Posted by: kisskat at October 19, 2008 5:01 PM

EBF I meant a feel past looking as glam as you do (regardless of your age), I was married for three decades and didn't come out with a lot of self esteem...

Thanks for the encouragement. Surprisingly I have had about 10 kisses already ...which has been very good for my spirit, in the last couple of weeks since I got here.

Actually meeting someone is of course ..as you described pretty terrifying!...Just the thought of it ...

But I know it's a case of just do it....as you said.

Thanks again,

Posted by: marylulu at October 19, 2008 4:37 PM

Goodness marylulu, I am four years old than you. How can you possibly be 'past it' girlfriend???
How do you take the first step...thinking back to my first date after a nine and a half years absence from dating, I was terrified, expected far too much on the romance side of things, was over-dressed, got drenched and looked like a drowned rat, and he never got back to me, surprise, surprise. But if I hadn't taken that first step, I wouldn't have gone on to date others, so......take a deep breath, do yourself up, get family or friends to take some shots, do it as an 'I am enjoying myself' session, get yourself a few kisses so that you can be selective (which I am sure you are) then JUMP ON IN AT THE DEEP END......you have to be in it to win it....and dating life really is a lottery, so take it all with a pinch of salt and go along for the ride....Just do it!
And thanks featherless, and tabata....you go for it girl!
Life is too short not to have fun....

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at October 19, 2008 3:58 PM

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at October 19, 2008 12:49 PM

Your glam shots look gorgeous ..I am a bit (a bit?) past ...that myself.

I am enjoying other people's thoughts ..it's a been a long long time since my last first date so little clues about how you take this big step are gratefully received.

Beautiful sunny Sunday in New England.

Posted by: marylulu at October 19, 2008 2:25 PM

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at October 19, 2008 12:49 PM:

Usually I hate so-called "glamour" shots, but yours are actually very tasteful. No soft lighting, seductive poses or badly applied makeup... :)

And you look quite relaxed in all the shots.

Posted by: featherlessbiped at October 19, 2008 2:05 PM

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at October 19, 2008 12:49 PM

... and great shots they are too.
Makes me wonder if I should fly to Brisbane to have some done as well :)

Posted by: tabata at October 19, 2008 1:18 PM

My 'glam' shots are on my profile now....not sure which blog I mentioned them on previously, but if I post to one, the word seems to get around.
After getting these done, I have NO intention of keeping changing my photos now....and I am reliably informed that they look like me...but it was quite a tussle, wondering if I should put studio shots up or not, then I realised that a LOT of men use their professional/studio shots, so why not?
Now wouldn't it be ironic if just after I have invested in these and placed them up, I was to find that I don't need rsvp anymore....?
Anymore is a very long time, though.....
Have a great Sunday, folks.

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at October 19, 2008 12:49 PM

I don't know that the pre-planned phone call from a friend is such a good idea.

If I go on a date, and the other person is taking calls during it, it is kind of disappointing. Actually, it feels a bit inconsiderate. You expect the person to switch off their mobile the first time they meet you. So, who knows, it could be putting off some guys who you actually like.

Surely if you are sensible and meet in a public place, where there is no danger, these precautions aren't necessary?

Posted by: featherlessbiped at October 19, 2008 12:45 PM

lifebegins47 at October 16, 2008 7:43 PM

I too used to employ the "Safety Phone Call" from a friend and on the whole most guys didn't seem to mind.
However .. once I had it done to me .. and this guy went really overboard with it .. to where I was so concerned about his poor friend .. & I emailed him after to express that concern ... but of course never heard from him again! All he had to do was finish his coffee and go .. and tell me goodbye in an Email as so many do!

Now, I tend to think . am I meeting this person in a safe place? .. if we are getting on well over coffee do I trust him enough to get in his car and move on to another place for lunch ?? It's all about instinct, but in this day and age of mobile phones keeping a friend in reserve is still not a bad thing .. but you ring them when you go to the bathroom rather than they ring you!
Have just come back from a 2 week visit to SA and 10 days in Goolwa where I stayed with a friend who organises dinner get togethers for singles .. think it's advertised in the VH Times. I spent very few evenings at home while I was there as there was so many friends to catch up with and stuff to do. Even got offered a job back at Alex FM Community radio again .. which was another great way I got to become part of the community when I lived there as well as Volunteering at the Positive Aging Center!

Posted by: waternymph47 at October 19, 2008 11:55 AM

My dating habits are that I just don't seem to have any dates to speak of. LOL.

It is a habit I try to break on a weekly basis.

I do not make it my primary focus.

It will happen when it needs to and when the one is ready to find me and when I am ready to find him.

Love is a wonderful thing but not one to mess with to quickly.

I love the hope that this brings me and the softness that fills my hear when I see (even for a fleeting moment) a guy that turns me into a melting moment with a gaze accross a busy room.

It is even nicer when we leave it at just that until the next chance meeting.

Have a great day to you all. It is a wonderful day to be alive and smell the love in the air.

Posted by: chachacha42 at October 19, 2008 7:09 AM

kisskat at October 18, 2008 7:10 PM

You can always say at any point in a first meeting that it's not going to happen and leave. No lengthy explanation is needed.

Posted by: laughsandtalks at October 18, 2008 8:24 PM

Posted by: lifebegins47 at October 16, 2008 7:43 PM

you can always just stay for one coffee and leave politely after an hour or so. the "whats that skip?' kinda phone call is so obviously fake.

Posted by: kisskat at October 18, 2008 7:10 PM

Posted by: laughsandtalks at October 17, 2008 1:10 PM - Yep. It sure does happen. The *ring-ring ring-ring*... "Hello?... what?.. when?... ok, I'll be right there". 'Yadda yadda has happened, I have to go. Sorry. Cya'...

Posted by: heart2heart57 at October 17, 2008 8:27 PM

Posted by: lifebegins47 at October 16, 2008 7:51 PM - Nah, I could see you weren't chiding me. And yes, St John's are one of our major vollies here. They used to turn up at all our race meetings - in fact, no ambo, no meeting. And they do a marvellous job. Over here, we can support them by buying first-aid kits etc (which are great value for money BTW).

Whereabouts in South Ozzie are you? I used to live up in the Hills - Birdwood way.

Now, this first date at the soup kitchen thing. Hmm.. now that would certainly be different. But then again, romance is where you find it (or where it finds you)...

Posted by: heart2heart57 at October 17, 2008 8:24 PM

lifebegins47 at October 16, 2008 7:43 PM

Ok good one that phone call half an hour in plan.
Which of the 'Men are Dangerous Beasts' dating manuals did that come from? The one about meeting prison inmates or off duty Rugby League teams in hotel suites? Do women really need to contrive and connive to that extent? Talk about damning and second rating men. What happened to your much vaunted women's intuition? Have you or anyone you know (or anyone here) felt in such peril on a first meeting that they needed to tun the blue lights on?

BTW didn'y you say good byes a couple of weeks ago after meeting a bloke?

Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at October 17, 2008 1:10 PM

Posted by: lifebegins47 at October 16, 2008 7:51 PM

Hahahahah...what the ???? !!!

Posted by: starryeyez at October 17, 2008 12:01 PM

heart2heart57 @ 7:36 PM
"Hopefully, she'd have all her own teeth - and I'd go home still with all of mine :)"

. . .Yes h2h, it really isn't that much to ask of a first date is it???

. . .for me it is my self respect . . . if not my teeth . . . (that didn't sound good did it??)

Posted by: glitteringblue at October 16, 2008 10:22 PM

Definitely soup kitchen not the way to go for first date. Just take it slowly at first if you do decide to do soup runs or the brekkie stint. We load up at 4a.m. for the brekkie stint and then start distributing about 5. In the winter it is very cold but there is laughter and fun and hard work. It's not for the faint hearted and can be very disturbing at times.

Posted by: iaminperth at October 16, 2008 8:06 PM

Hey h2h, I am a south aussie and wasnt sure if there were vollie ambos there, I should know I lived there for long enough......
Soup kitchen could be a great first date, especially if she was looking for something different and if she didnt have all her own teeth then maybe the only place you could go.......
Whereever, first dates are nearly always fun, its great to meet new people.
Sorry if I sounded as if I was chiding you, certainly did not mean it to sound that way.
Cheers

Posted by: lifebegins47 at October 16, 2008 7:51 PM

Yes natureluva, I have always had the phone call exit available. Either a friend or relative rings me 30 minutes after the agreed meeting time, but more as a safety issue. If I am uncomfortable or uneasy, I can then make my apologies and leave. Several phrases are also in place if I feel seriously out of place but fortunately I have not had to use these yet.
I dont think thats a bad thing in this day and age....
Cheers.

Posted by: lifebegins47 at October 16, 2008 7:43 PM

Posted by: lifebegins47 at October 15, 2008 11:18 PM - Um, ok. You got me on that one. It was off-topic (I did mention that). And I realise we have volunteer Ambulance services here - if it wasn't for them, I (and a lot of others) wouldn't have been able to race for all those years.

Hmmm... I'm not so sure a soup kitchen would be the 'ideal' first date. Still, you never know. Stranger things have happened...

Hopefully, she'd have all her own teeth - and I'd go home still with all of mine :)

Posted by: heart2heart57 at October 16, 2008 7:36 PM

auntykaz, hopefully 1 day soon all the care-givers will be paid in line with the service they provide :)
FLB, Marylulu, etc, i really dont see what the problem is....some ppl are too self-obsessed to bother replying to kisses! its the rest we should concentrate our attention on.
& to get back on topic, has any1 really arranged fake fone-calls to extricate themselves from 1st dates gone bad? or jumped out of a bathroom window? i thought this was the realm of American sit-coms, lol!

Posted by: natureluva2 at October 16, 2008 12:51 PM

Hey H2H go for it. I did nearly 13 years volunteering in our community, both as an ambo ( yes we have volunteer ambos here) and a St John lecturer. Like you, I have a great life and its a feel good experience to give something back.
But a soup kitchen for a first date..think thats what this blog is about, would be an interesting venue I think.......might show what the prospective date was like in a different surround...can I have minestrone please....
Cheers all

Posted by: lifebegins47 at October 15, 2008 11:18 PM

There are some pretty amazing characters out there and it's amazing what a leveller it is. As we move towards christmas there are many things to do.

Posted by: iaminperth at October 15, 2008 10:03 PM

Posted by: iaminperth at October 15, 2008 7:31 AM - True. Isn't it annoying when the one's who really don't need it prevent you from giving to those who do? While this is off-topic, I've been seriously considering the idea of helping out at one of the 'soup kitchens' in and around Melbourne. I figure life has been pretty good to me compared to some others out there, and I wouldn't mind giving a bit back.

Posted by: heart2heart57 at October 15, 2008 8:36 PM

And the same bunch try to grab me every day when I leave work late....because there are some real bludgers in the world unfortunately. I have to laugh when someone is asking for money and they are smoking and have the latest mobile phones in their hands.........oh well, you can only do what you can do and if there is one who is genuine, then you have to feel you have done the right thing.

Posted by: iaminperth at October 15, 2008 7:31 AM

Posted by: iaminperth at October 7, 2008 11:18 PM - then please tell me why the same bunch grab me every single day and as for money at the tram stop?

Posted by: heart2heart57 at October 15, 2008 12:50 AM

Troy, l guess it is all about what society values.
Yep RN's are paid fairly sh** money in comparison, but to be completely honest with you l love what l do despite the times where l am somewhat mentally challenged.
Generally on a Friday afternoon around 2pm.

When the baby boomers start requiring care in great numbers perhaps things may change, though with the tightening of the funding in recent months who would know.

The industrial relations thing is something l am fairly interested in too. Our employer used to try and get away with not paying basic award entitlements but they appear to be better behaved of late. We are renegotiating our CBE at the moment so that is protracting as they usually do.

My son is a fourth year apprentice carpenter and will make much more than l in the not too distant future.
So l think it only fair that he build me a lovely granny flat when l am old and grey. And my daughter is a Nurse also, so she can look after me.....I can dream eh??

Lovely here in Melb today, a perfect spring day about 24 degrees l think, and have been intermittently gardening. And you soapbox isn't too bad, Troy, good on you.......

Kenny, keep smiling :-))..................K

Posted by: auntykaz at October 11, 2008 2:44 PM

Off topic Kaz, what a surprise, but I'm interested you like to stick it up management when they are wrong. I'm involved with agency nursing whilst having a background in the building industry. It amazes me what nurses are paid, given the work and stress loads, not to consider accountability in addition to education required for an RN. If the nurses dumped their weak as p**s union and threw in with the BWIU they'd be on $200K/year within 12 months.
You have a also mentioned in the past an emotional wall you have (my words but to paraphrase) to protect yourself emotionally. Aged care staff become quite attached to some resi's and when they die it can be quite traumatic so one needs to protect oneself. This is something I've become aware of only because I'm in the industry. I have no problem with a concretor making $100K/year but it is bizarre that, at the same time, an experienced RN, for example, is on $25.00 p/h. Suppose that's why the average age of an RN in Aged Care is 58......be nice to your family everyone as there will be no one to look after you if they don't.
Off my soapbox raining on the coast today....yay.

Posted by: troyohboy at October 11, 2008 1:28 PM

You must be kept very busy Kaz
abcK

Posted by: tallerthantom at October 11, 2008 1:21 PM

Hey, Taller than Tom, you haven't had me negotiating your claim!!!

Seems l do it quite well in the workforce, love sticking it up management when l know they are in the wrong......K

Posted by: auntykaz at October 11, 2008 12:41 PM

Getting knocked back is no big deal.Sending a kiss is just like your union making an ambit claim.You can't possibly expect a yes to all.
I've been rejected by plenty too but that is only to be expected.After all I probably say no thanks to about 95% of the kisses that come my way.
I agree FLB ignoring someone is a far bigger knockback than sending back a negative kiss reply, because the message that is sent is that you weren't even worth bothering sending a knockback to.
Then again I just think to myself well it's your loss and i'm better off not knowing you anyway
Kenny

Posted by: tallerthantom at October 11, 2008 12:00 PM

Posted by: marylulu at October 10, 2008 7:39 PM:

I think, from my point of view, anyway, it's nice to be acknowledged. If someone is knocking you back on here, it's no big deal... a million profiles, and only so much time, and it's only my profile that they are knocking back, anyway.

To me, ignoring someone is a far bigger knockback than sending back a negative kiss reply, because the message that is sent is that you weren't even worth bothering sending a knockback to.

It's interesting that you think that knocking a guy back in person is somehow less hard on him? (If that's what you were saying.) I think an in-person knockback is probably harder for the guy in general. Although, I've received mostly knockbacks on here, so maybe I'm inured to the whole RSVP thing, and I now tend to laugh when I get another "not interested" to add to the pile. :)

Posted by: featherlessbiped at October 10, 2008 9:26 PM

Posted by: guitarguy at October 10, 2008 8:26 PM:

I guess what I think is this. This blog is full of people (mostly women, because the blogs are mostly populated by women) complaining about what the opposite sex does on here.

To me, it's not glass-half-full stuff, more thinking about how this site is set up, and then trying to think about why the opposite sex acts as they do, given the best evidence that is at hand. I think some don't reply because they don't want to pull the trigger, and think that ignoring is kinder. Some don't reply because they don't care and are focused 100% on their own path. Some don't reply because they are overwhelmed, etc. etc. There is probably no univocal answer to the question of why people don't get back to you.

Me, personally, I'd prefer to get a "not interested reply"... but maybe some of the women who don't reply because they think this is kinder, would also rather be ignored than explicitly knocked back.

So who knows, eh?

Posted by: featherlessbiped at October 10, 2008 9:15 PM

You are obvioulsy a half full kind of guy flb - i hadn't thought of it like that. I just got from someone that wasn;t my type so i picked the least unkind option and then sent her an encouragement one in return. Better i think for her to know I'm not interested but I still have empathy for her feelings. Maybe that should be an option - " I have empathy for your feelings, thanks for the attention, and ood luck in your search"

Posted by: guitarguy at October 10, 2008 8:26 PM

Posted by: featherlessbiped at October 10, 2008 7:18 PM

I think ... flb ..you are pretty spot on.

The reject kiss things are horrid. It's difficult to know what to do (for me anyway) ...when someone sends a kiss and I really don't think I want to respond. In real life you can smile and nod and say no thanks and walk away which doesn't seem so bad.

I have only sent encouraging kisses myself as the initiator and I have not (yet) sent any that mean I'm interested.

I have responsed to every single kiss, but I have dithered for a while before responding, torn between the best way to say no.

It was interesting to see your take on how a man might feel/think ..

Posted by: marylulu at October 10, 2008 7:39 PM

Posted by: guitarguy at October 10, 2008 3:53 PM:

Hard to know. I think the response rate to kisses I have had is about 30%.

It could well be that women are getting so many kisses, every day, that it just wears them down. Also, because women perhaps don't send many kisses themselves, they think of kiss-rejections as being harsher than does the average guy (who sends out more kisses, and is therefore, more familiar with the knockbacks). So maybe they think that the emotional impact of a kiss-knockback for a guy is the same as it is for them. But, since guys send more kisses, and therefore get more knockbacks, the emotional impact is lower.

And, certainly, I've seen the odd woman post on the blogs to the effect that a kiss-knockback would be emotionally significant for them.

So, given all that, perhaps they think that the kinder thing is just to "ignore". Of course, that is also the easiest thing... :)

Posted by: featherlessbiped at October 10, 2008 7:18 PM

What is the go with people that don't repsond to Kisses? Is it so hard to just send a polite no thanks instead of just ignoring them? I mean you have to open them, and the response is just a click of the mouse on the same page, just be polite and give the person some respect and common courtesy and respond. I think it would be a great feature to have a kisses-to-repsonses ratio on all profiles so you can see who the decent people are.

Posted by: guitarguy at October 10, 2008 3:53 PM

Yes woody, it does!

Posted by: troyohboy at October 10, 2008 1:35 PM

What's the cryptic comment mean, Woody?

Posted by: waterbombe at October 10, 2008 1:27 PM

Perth, the 89 year old lady said "I have incurable liver cancer and I can die any day" out of the blue when I was giving her a lift home. She looked amazing. I said so. She looked me straight in the eye and said "Everybody has got to die. It is my time now".

That was a leveller.

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at October 10, 2008 12:18 PM

Practice makes perfect ..... or does it?

Posted by: woodnwine at October 10, 2008 10:56 AM

Yes, you are right Perth. Some people seem happy to live quite a different life to the rest of us.
And I agree, it is about being really accepted and not being "judged" because somehow they don't seem to fit with our materialistic and shallow society.
It is fantastic what you do, well done. When my youngest is older (at the moment he still likes his mum around, but I know only too well that in a very short time that will quickly change!) I would like to do some more volunteering. I have eased off in the last few years, but intend to do much more in the future.

Posted by: amberlight58 at October 8, 2008 11:25 PM

Hi Amber, You must not forget that some people who live in what we perceive to be sad and powerless situations are not. They chose to live in this way with their other community who live this way. There are homeless people out there in their own community who have found likeminded people who wish to live the same way.
They have found family, they have found safety from a society that is so cruel. They don't want the same things we do and are content in their friendships and community. They are happy to receive food, they are happy to chat about the cold, they have a strict code of conduct and adhere to them. There are others who are truly victims of a harsh society and they struggle and there are children who know no different. It's amazing, it's energising and presents a whole new perspective on life. Not all of these people are needy, unlike a lot in so called regular society. They know where their next meal will come from, they know what they are going to wear. They know their bonds and friendships will last, they know they will be accepted for who they are....scarey isn't it. How many of us can say the same. Of course, there are some extremely sad cases, but fortunately, or unfortunately, there is nothing a single person can do but make sure that the food is fabulous, on time and with a great smile and a lot of energy and a realisation that being accepted into another community on this earth is a gift. There are others on hand and well educated to do the other stuff. Hot food, and lovely smells on a cold day is a great leveller and if you are switched on enough can bring great joy and laughter. Hopefully this makes the day easier and the nights warmer looking forward to the next.

Posted by: iaminperth at October 7, 2008 11:18 PM

to sony51. You said that you go out to meet new people and not to listen about their ex, but their experiences (may they be in past relationships or other situations) are what make them today. To know people, and more important to understand them, I think it is necessary to know what they've been through, good, bad, banal...maybe your point was that you don't want to know on the 1st date? I wonder if there is a list of topics to talk/not talk about on 1st date.
and since this blog is about 1st date habit, mine is not to consider it as a date but as a "catch up with a mate" so I ease off the pressure and I am sure to be myself.

Posted by: who314 at October 7, 2008 2:21 PM

Perth @ 10:23 & 10:35pm,
I think anyone reading those postings will understand where your straight to the point (and if no one likes it, too bad!) comments come from.
Anyone who meets people in the most sad and powerless circumstances on a regular basis, can't help but become a little frustrated with the shallowness of our "me, me, oh poor me" society!
Where what you have (materially) and what you look like is seen as more important, not what kind of person you really are.
Your children must be wonderful contributors to this world Perth, if they have taken on board your "live it not just say it" example.
There are a number of us here, who value your blog contributions, keep it up!

Hey Cat, what kind of wig were you thinking of? Afro, mullet?

Posted by: amberlight58 at October 7, 2008 9:30 AM

I'm thinking the off-white loafer with the powder blue safari suit is always a good look. And a wig.

Posted by: cat00 at October 7, 2008 1:15 AM

I don't mind people talking about or making comments about their ex providing it is in the positive. I don't think any one person can say it was all the others persons fault that a realtionship breaks down. Everyone has good or bad points and sometimes both people are pretty good but because of different expectations the relationship breaks down. I have no problem with people making positive comments about their ex. as I tend to believe it shows depth of character.

Posted by: iaminperth at October 6, 2008 11:15 PM

Elf, Remember the words of the lady you met as a gift and remember to thank her for her gift. That is your way of giving something back to her that she will also remember. Tell her and acknowledge to her that she has given you a gift. When she does pass on your will remember her words and you will remember her and keep her alive in your heart as she has given you her gift of precious time and you have given her your gift of acknowledgment. Treasure it and use it wisely as it is much more important than listening to who has put on a bit of weight this week or how many husbands/wives and dumped children people can amass in their lifetime.

Posted by: iaminperth at October 6, 2008 10:48 PM

Elf, It's true if you are talking about trivia and manipulative people using pop psycho babble, lies and relying on garbage read in books and magazines. I would encourage everyone and anyone to do soup runs and breakfast runs now and then and get out with reality of what is happening. You will brush shoulders with the most desperate of the desperate, children borne of violence the elderly who just expected to be homeless. The victims of society and also the people who chose this life. You will rub shoulders with the like minded and you will rub shoulders with multi millionaires who are desperately trying to help. Everything pales into insignificance when some bloke sits across a table wingeing that his wife/partner didn't take enough notice of him whilst she was trying to be a mother to four childen. I think people need to think outside the square nowadays and get over themselves. No-one could give a damn what you look like at 4a.m. with food in your hand and a smile on your face because to an awful lot of people you are the most beautiful person they have ever seen on that particular day. That is how it works people, and a lot need to get over themselves.

Posted by: iaminperth at October 6, 2008 10:35 PM

Oh Elf, the wisdom of the elderly who have liveed and survived, their resignation to reality and their insight of the world around them. What a blessing it is to meet them, what a gift. I spent a lot of time with a 92 year old and what a gift she was to me. None of this feeling sorry for themselves, not of the wingeing that goes on with the younger generation. So realistic and strong and how I miss her and the legacy she left behind for the people who loved her. I am sorry to say this but a lot of people need to get over their own self importance and go on a few breakfast runs and work hard and then fall into bed so tired that their legs wont work any more. The reality hits so hard of how we are behaving as a society and towards others and destroying everything we deep down believe in with our own selfishness. I can't listen to someone denigrate someone they have once loved, can't be bothered and think little about them. I don't want to listen to talk of child maintenance, well yes, children need maintaining, I am totally sick of the wingers saying they are 'nearly there', because no you are not, you are nowhere near as there is no there. Go out and work, earn money to promote a better living standard, go out and work to help others, get over yourselves and your imaginary problems. Yes, you will get tired, exhausted, but you will not need pills and stupid books to make you sleep, you will sleep a contented sleep because you will know you have done the very best you can at the that time in your life.

Posted by: iaminperth at October 6, 2008 10:23 PM

I can't really say what my bad dating habits would be. So far i have only had coffee meetings, hardly dates...not what i would consider a date anyway. Coffee is just a hello do we deserve a date kind of meeting. I must admit, one of the meetings for coffee i had was at an out door coffee venue, pretty public and popular. started off ok..he was a little late...no matter...and then low and behold! if my son doesn't arrive to meet up with his girlfriend for coffee...well, he had to say hi, didn't he...and I introduced my RSVP coffee meeting person as 'my friend xxxxx', Somehow I think he thought it was some kind of conspiracy or something...... no matter, he seemed good in type (email) but was not so cool in person...hmmmmm and then I heard no more...... no one mentioned ex's at all

Posted by: aquamanda56 at October 6, 2008 8:10 PM

If any guy starts talking about his ex, whether good or bad, I just politely say my good byes.

I go out to a meeting to get to know someone new and not listen to someone talk about thier previous relationship.....yep I am definitely one of those who will say...frankly my dear I don't give a damn...ha and then some

Posted by: sonny51 at October 6, 2008 6:59 PM

Perth, you have such a "frankly my dear, I don't give a damn attitude" that brings things back down to earth for me.
The one person wp moved my world the most over the last week was an 89 year old lady daying of liver cancer. No date came near her words of wisdom!

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at October 6, 2008 4:19 PM

I think the bottom line here is it is all too boring - I mean does anyone really want to hear about anyone elses ex and their justification for trying to denigrate them to a complete stranger. Are they trying to make themselves look better or what are they trying to do. Whilst they are dumping about the ex they are not getting to know who they are sitting with, which is also a cringeworthy moment. Sometimes you just have to be glad that the coffee tastes okay and frankly I don't give a damn who pays for it. I have had more interesting conversations with complete strangers on a bus or on the beach than some of the people I have met and I wonder if it is the pressure of the situation or what. I know that I have found I just can't be bothered at the moment and have taken time out to rethink the situation and find it is not no.1 on my list of priorities.

Posted by: iaminperth at October 6, 2008 3:40 PM

Has anyone else come across men that feel the need to tell you how good looking all their previous partners have been? Talk about peacocks. Do they really believe this makes them more desirable.
I for one fail to understand the logic behind such statements.

Posted by: cautious08 at October 6, 2008 11:49 AM

Yes, it's a bit of a worry at times. I don't ask questions usually as I think there are so many truths to be learned just in conversation. But yes, I can see where you are coming from. I just find it very difficult to listen to someone denigrating another person to a comparative stranger. And also this can be the mother, or the father of course, of their children. Surely the other person deserves some respect for that position alone. Yes, I can understand bouncing things off friends and relatives but not with a stranger and then, of course, I am starting to think what they say behind the backs of other people in their lives. Nope, not for me, much rather be on the beach with my dog having a few light chats with anyone who wishes to. It's funny I think as you get older these things don't seem to matter any more and you don't get offended by them, you just do stuff you like to do better. P.S. my big puppy would never talk about anyone behind their back!

Posted by: iaminperth at October 6, 2008 11:07 AM

Posted by: iaminperth at October 5, 2008 3:06 PM

Perth, that's one of my earlier 'screening' questions. I like to know how their relationships ended (particularly the last few). Their response and situation tells me a lot about them as a person.

The way they have conducted themselves in previous relationships, also let's me know a lot ;)

Posted by: starryeyez at October 5, 2008 7:19 PM

Hey
Blackduck, Are you going to wear your blue seude shoes with that outfit as well, or maybe some black patent leather. Go easy on the Brut, err where's the Zertec!

Posted by: iaminperth at October 5, 2008 3:18 PM

I find it very offputting if someone wants to talk about their ex in a negative way. First of all I am not interested but second I think this is probably some childs mum who is working away out there trying to do the best she can. I'm sure that happens with the guys as well. I find it very insensitive and tedious and points to me a level of maturity in a person that I don't want to know.

Posted by: iaminperth at October 5, 2008 3:06 PM

I agree...I tend to try to be more of a listener, on a first date.

I guess it's my defence mechanism coming into play.

One bad dating habit, is that I tend to psycho analyze my date...LOL

Pure habit though...

Posted by: starryeyez at October 5, 2008 2:22 PM

iaminperth and qualitygal:

lol yeah its good to keep the conversation going.... but not when it revolves around you.. lol and yeah.... i guess each to their own.... i reckon its a bit rude to come up with an excuse just so you can leave because you dont like the person your with..... i guess not everyone understands that the other person has put just as much, or probably more effort, into the meeting.

Posted by: arch66 at October 5, 2008 12:29 PM

Especially if you wake up in the morning a couple of weeks later and think 'who are you '?

Posted by: iaminperth at October 5, 2008 11:27 AM

Possibly there is a little too much overthinking going into the first meeting and then expectations may be a little unrealistic. I mean what happens if the guy you meet is genuinely nice and interesting and you thinking maybe you have a few things in common. Is that not worth a second meet - I would think it is. Maybe a second time you would feel more relaxed and find more things in common and it grows from there. I think having an instant attraction to everyone you meet is a little improbable and then what happens if you have this bling bling attraction and never really get to know who the person is. I think that is why lots of relationships never move out of the first stage and inevitable disaster later.

Posted by: iaminperth at October 5, 2008 11:27 AM

Dating/meeting/coffee break or what ever you want to call it, Is not hard there two simple rules............be yourself & go with the flow, its not rocket science so dont treat as it is :)))))

Posted by: outbackdrifter at October 5, 2008 9:13 AM

The first date, which I don't really view as a date; I like to call the "meet and greet" stage. I like to meet for a coffee, that way you can make a hasty exodus if they are not to your liking. Also I like to have my wits about me for the first meeting so prefer to stay sober. I should clarify that I ask for a face to face meeting shortly after making contact as not everyone writes their own emails.

I recently broke that rule and had dinner with one gentleman. He informed me that the restaurant was his chosen venue for rsvp meetings. He even told me he had meet three women there in one night. I suggested he just make all future reservations under rsvp as all the staff knew the situation. By the way I only had one drink. I think he told me much more than he intended to. I must say it was a very informative evening. He sent me a mesage suggesting his mouth hadn't been conected to his brain that night. I have never laughed so much during a meet and greet. He covered some very intersting topics. Not your normal fare by any stretch of the imagination.

Posted by: cautious08 at October 4, 2008 10:42 PM

I agree with you Arch. I a lot of people are far too judgemental these days almost looking for points they don't like in a person rather than recognising the good points. I think it's part of one upmanship or something like that. I can't see why anyone would have to rely on supposed emergency phone calls or any other dishonest tactics like that. Why not just be honest and thank the other person for their time and wish them all the best. Would seem nasty and hurtful to me because I don't think anyone would be kidding the poor victim in that sort of scam.

Posted by: iaminperth at October 4, 2008 9:25 PM

arch66 at October 4, 2008 11:59 AM

I'm with you , I just go with the flow, ask lots of questions, so they can't say I wasn't a good listener lol. but trying, in an artificial environment such as this, to nut out the "real" person before you meet is nigh on impossible. So you either feel it or you don't. But I do wish that guys could maybe see the possibility of a friendship if not a full on relationship, and go with that

Posted by: qualitygal1 at October 4, 2008 8:24 PM

I always wear lashings of Brut 33 and my powder blue safari suit.. no luck with the ladies yet but full of optimism.

Posted by: thisblackduck at October 4, 2008 8:13 PM

I really do get what so many guys say about "there has to be chemistry". I have had a number of dates recently where the guys are ticking all the boxes, and the whole date has been boring as bats**t! Groan...more hours of my life wasted....there has to be a spark, a passion, some kind of sensation of "I hope he is a good kisser" or even..well, you know...

Yes, I definitely do have date habits, and they aren't the same.....a GOOD date means we are staring into each other's eyes, and there is heaps of flirting....a BAD date means we are talking all around stuff, acting like we are work colleagues, trying to keep a smile on our faces, and can't wait for the date to end.

Without passion, any date is a total waste of life space...why bother, if there isn't some electricity?

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at October 4, 2008 5:02 PM

Which habits have I blacklisted?

For me it is when my date talks about past dates, or women he is planning to meet after me !

This seems to be a phenomenon of RSVP dating..may be they think it topical..who knows..??

This does not happen with men I date who I meet in daily circumstances..but it seems the norm with the ones I have met through this site.

Posted by: femalepersuasion at October 4, 2008 4:04 PM

well.... i dont really have dating habits... i just go with the flow and see what happens...usually, if i dont like whats happening, i still respect what the person would feel and wait out until they're ready to go home... i mean, we came together... we leave together... its funny... my mum taught me well. lol

Posted by: arch66 at October 4, 2008 11:59 AM

kisskat I have no idea why this blog is attached to the gay community but I don't think that matters much either ...I love my gay friends and I like hanging out with them.

chachacha you do sound pretty fierce! I am partly envious of that because I suspect I will be so nervous on a first meeting/date I will do and say all the wrong things (like Bridget Jones) and I will also allow a little of that in a man. In fact if the man isn't a little shaken by meeting me ..he might not be the one I want.

Posted by: marylulu at October 4, 2008 9:01 AM

I always wait for most things like the ticket inspector then I move the car!

Emergency phone calls on a blind meeting? Yes, always in girl code and you would never know if you were on a date with me.

The call would only be made IF you present to be something you are cleary not, then I call the girlfriend squad.

Dating habits are clear and cut to the chase''''

They always work for me.

Never against me for I am honest.

Sure fire hits are': be who you are at all times.

I black list any fool that dare present to me in a woollen coat that latheth a wolf undernith........

I shall always catch you out you flighty, dishonest thing....just watch me.

Then you may pick up the tab for wasting my time you fool!

Harsh? Don't care.

Thanks

Posted by: chachacha42 at October 3, 2008 11:10 PM

Posted by: deepbluepc at October 2, 2008 11:21 PM
I think first 'dates' can be very daunting and some people get so nervous that they do silly things, e.g. drink too much or say inappropriate things. There can be a lot of pressure on a person to make a good first impression.

I love going out for dinner in male company, I am more than happy to split the bill and do it again, if the night was entertaining and fun. No pressure.

I do think, that only very few people are confident enough to be themselves on a first date.

Posted by: tabata at October 3, 2008 7:48 PM

why does this blog topic come up as "the gaybourhood" community!?

not that theres anything wrong with that............

Posted by: kisskat at October 3, 2008 6:15 PM

First date habits hmmmmm I last dated properly in the 70's ...I had flowers between my toes ....I've come out of a 30something year marriage (and a quick lovely fling when that ended) ....

I may need dating in this decade (or century) lessons.

Posted by: marylulu at October 3, 2008 2:44 PM

Welcome back GB and congrats on the new job !!!

Yes your quite right. It pays to ask those 'extra' questions, as early as possible.

I have a little email that I send out, that helps me seperate the wheat from the chaff. Unfortunately there is a hell of a lot more chaff here...than wheat :(

Posted by: starryeyez at October 3, 2008 11:23 AM

Good Morning Everyone,

How are you all? I heard the Sydney Meet went well you guys had an extended weekend party . . . and the Brissy Bloggers danced the house down!!! I definitely want to be involved in the next one - somewhere . . .

Me? . . Well, I made it down from the hills and back home to the ocean and had a nice break ? ready to take on the world now. Started a new SERIOUS job which means I can?t participate in Sandpit Fridays until I?ve mastered it and I really DO have to behave a bit (at first . . . )

I will be keeping my eyes on the blogs and enjoying all your comments.

As for dating bad habits, I haven?t really dated as such, but rather, just happened naturally and before I knew it I was in a relationship. But I have to say that each man was so very different that the whole process was unique with each one (I love the differences!!).

If I had a bad thing I've done in the past, it would have to be not being more thorough in making sure we had the same morals, values, goals, directions etc in life and had talked about the important things first like money, sex, beliefs, children etc etc. I guess on the blogs here, we are all from such different stages in life, but for me at 36, never having been married and no kids (yet), these are essential topics that I want to explore with a prospective, before getting to far in (don?t want to scare the poor fellow, buuut why waste time if you don?t see eye to eye on these things?

Obviously you aren?t going to agree on everything ? which is great! Just want to have harmony more/most of the time and not be fighting/struggling ? you don'tt want your relationship to be a battlefield ? you want to enjoy bathing in the sea of love and good feelings more of the time, rather than less.

Thank God it?s Friday!!

Have a great day Everyone.

Ever the idealist,
Glitteringblue XO : ))

Posted by: glitteringblue at October 3, 2008 10:18 AM

Carp are actually quite stunning swimming in the exotic warm ponds in Asia, wouldn't eat them though.....ouch !

Posted by: iaminperth at October 3, 2008 9:49 AM

deepbluepc ~ Guess the women don't know what they are going to get until they date YOU either!

YOU always choose the place to eat. Hmmm, well maybe some of the women feel way out of comfort zone. How judgemental you appear. You know, not everyone comes from privledged backgrounds. Or have had the privledge or income to explore wonderful restaurants and to know what "good food" is.

Maybe if you took it all slower, making sure she feels comfortable things might progress to much more. IMHO.

Oh, and they were mostly all "carp". Ouch!!

It certainly does take two to tango!

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at October 3, 2008 9:01 AM

tabata, I always enjoy the meal because I always choose the place to eat,and always order what I want, even so, I am sure some make dating mistakes but don't realise until after the date.
Like um............"asking........"is there something stuck in my front teeth?"

or "don't worry, if you say no I won't stalk you !!!"

"I don't have sex on the first date " (then undress and pass out )

Those comments were made by women btw.

Posted by: deepbluepc at October 2, 2008 11:21 PM

Not so much bad choices, I think I had been fishing in the wrong pool for too long,and until recently had not reeled in a salmon, they were mostly carp except for the odd one here and there,and of course it takes two to tango and it's not as if you know exactly what your going to get till you date them.

But alas, my fishing days are over for awhile and now I have to tame the shrew.

Posted by: deepbluepc at October 2, 2008 11:13 PM

I've only been on a few dinner dates. Lovely restaurants, nice company, good food and wine..

So far so good. Unfortunately it's never progressed to a 2nd date, as nobody has 'rung my bell' as yet.

I tend to take my time. But if the RIGHT guy came along, that pattern may change.

Posted by: starryeyez at October 2, 2008 10:00 PM

I have a very good friend who comes to Perth about four times a year and we always go out to dinner. We go to this great seafood restaurant on the beach and start with a couple of drinks on the balcony, bit later decide to go to the table and have an entree and lovely wine. Both really enjoy food and like to ask the waiters about it and how it's cooked. Then to mains and another wine, more beautiful food, takes hours and quite often first in and last out. Now, that's my idea of a great night out. On the way back home ring his wife, who is also my best friend of years and make her jealous telling her about our exquisite dinner together. She always jokes she is jotting it down so she will get a comparable one when he gets back home.

Posted by: iaminperth at October 2, 2008 9:24 PM

Posted by: deepbluepc at October 2, 2008 8:26 PM

....but YOU enjoyed the meal??? hopefully their company, as I prefer not to eat alone. If they did not appreciate the food, it is their loss.

Posted by: tabata at October 2, 2008 9:24 PM

It's very true and then the sinking feeling I have to get thru this.

Posted by: iaminperth at October 2, 2008 9:12 PM

Well deepblue, sounds like you need to start making better choices.

Posted by: aqueousdb66 at October 2, 2008 9:00 PM

My bad date habits were picking up the person, going to a decent restaurant and then getting dumped.

Now I look back, and think, yes the good restaurant provides a nice backdrop, but is a waste, considering over half I have dated have no idea what good food is.

Posted by: deepbluepc at October 2, 2008 8:26 PM