RSVP Blog

Muse 11.24 & Warped 12.11 :

Enchant� mes amis : )

Posted by: glitteringblue at September 3, 2008 4:52 PM

Wascally..you can call me Wodna!

Posted by: musicteacher at September 3, 2008 4:47 PM

Metalscott September 2, 2008 2:27 PM

Metalscott, both you and creativestuart could approach women differently. See them as friends not some sort of enemy to be outwitted.
Bars and nightclubs are probably the worst places to go to try to meet women. Loud music is not conducive to learning about someone and women usually go to bars in packs and act a bit silly .Attention seeking and showing off to their girlfriends. This is really the worst of female behaviour I think.

Any woman who is rude enough to be nasty to a guy who has approached her in an appropriate social setting is not worth getting upset about.

Many girls are in actual fact just as scared as you are. They are also being judged and it makes them nervous and maybe to appear to act 'high and mighty"

Nerves and shyness and uncertainty make some people seem either a bit standoffish or acting loudly(from the safety of a group)

When a guy approaches the things that run through a girls mind are usually all about them rather than anything to do with you! Thoughts like: "Is he safe, is he going to be a nuisance or is he drunk?" "What will I talk about?" and "How will I escape if I don't like him, but he likes me?" and other stuff (especially if they do like him...starting with "OMG,Will he think I'm fat?"

From the dawn of time or at least the last few hundred years the approach and reaction have caused angst.

If you hate being in that vulnerable situation then find ways to meet girls which take away the threat. If you think of girls as the same as you except female you might be able to approach them easily and naturally without any threatening or contemptuous aura.

One of the biggest revelations to me was that men are human too...they have the same fears needs and hopes and dreams and women and will respond to friendliness easily.

Posted by: creativestuart at August 29, 2008 6:22 PM

creativestuart, the days of the Saturday Night barndance are gone(for the majority) Therefore there is not the opportunity to round 'em up and put in your bid after close inspection.
The internet does not allow you to remain a big fish in a small pond anymore. Therefore with nothing to go on but an elimination process of people who don't initially attract, the pond is bigger but the difficulties which may have once been smoothed away by meeting in real life, are now magnified.

People don't want to waste anyone's time so if they can narrow the possibilities by rejecting people, they will.

What you have to do is keep remembering not to take this rejection personally. The rejector doesn't actually know you and neither do you know them and what their inner desires and lifelong subconcious makeup is. You can be the best guy in the world, but if there is something in your profile that the other person doesn't like there is nothing you can do except try again with someone else. When it comes to human relationships there are some things about which people cannot be flexible
Stop blaming women You have a giant chip on your shoulder already about women and you expect to fail..so therefore you do and then complain.

Squizz1981 anyone can lower their standards(change their ideal criteria?) and pick up someone, but those relationships usually won't last because values and attitudes ro even sexual compatibility won't match. Just because people have the ideal person in mind for themselves does not make them higher or lower in standards than anyone else. Most people are flexible but if even a seemingly small value or attitude si different then it seems to magnify later on when the initial euphoria wears off.

Posted by: thelynathdiary at September 3, 2008 4:23 PM

Music - I see where your coming from, and about the droopy bits. at 20, im quite lucky in the fact that it can still stand to attention for hours on end :p hahahah

Posted by: metalscott at September 3, 2008 2:25 PM

musicteacher at 12:22pm: Ta for that. IQ in top 0.5%, even though I now play tennis with either hand. Polio at 15 weakened my left side, and reversing that over several years got me into gym and to enjoy playing rugby more - had always loved tennis and sprinting.

Now I don't even jog in runners - my knees are too heavily loaded, since I put on 15kg two years ago, after breaking a couple of ribs in a fall at work.

My girlfriend in 10/07 challenged me then to race her to lose 15kg. Invited me to coffee with her last Sunday, and she's lost 12 kg to my 3. I'll have to get more fair dinkum about dieting again. After my lunchbreak in a minute.

Signed: Wascally Wabbit. (You can call me Wandy.)

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 3, 2008 1:44 PM

Timewarp: re your Profile......... You have such a sparkle in those cheeky eyes,you rascal!!!!!!

Hmmm.....a lefty ah......so you must be highly intelligent!!!!

I like your wit too,and your little sayings...I think you are a good egg!

Posted by: musicteacher at September 3, 2008 12:22 PM

glitteringblue at 8:30am: I am really touched that you should suddenly pop out of your comfy nest in the woodwork, just to say such nice things about me - and about some of the other bloggers that I too, admire the most. (But my list is about 3 times the size of yours.)

Thank you very much. You have encouraged me greatly, and I'm getting back to work now, feeling just so good. ((-8 }
(I'm left-handed, so my smileys are too.)

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 3, 2008 12:11 PM

Hi all................

Kaz.......keep them long and keep them coming.........you make me laugh a lot!One day i would like to sit down and have a smoko with you!!!

Thankyou GLITTER.....what an amazing compliment.

Metalscott: your a young man,I suppose you will have to learn the hard way........through experience,and Dr Marcus may have a point.........anyway,we girls get together and talk about what bastds men are and giggle about your droopy bits............

Have a great day!

Posted by: musicteacher at September 3, 2008 11:24 AM

Timewarp1: I think your profile is great.....In saying that though, I looked at it a couple of days ago and thought it was great then too....
Posted by: okamhere at September 3, 2008 8:30 AM

Agreed it looks great. Light and refreshing !!! Well done and good luck to you TW

Posted by: starryeyez at September 3, 2008 9:45 AM

Bill - I already said I admire your resolve and I was never for a moment suggesting that you just sit back and wait for women to approach you, although I'm sure they do. I was more referring to you frequent posts about dating and relationships with all their bullet points on what to do and what not to do (at least that's my impression). This, to me at least, makes you look a bit inflexible ... like a Seargent Major organising a strategic manouver. I'm sure you want results soon as your best years are numbered (as are all of ours) and I admire your spirit and eagerness .... hey, also your persistence but there just seems to me to be too much organisation and calculation going on. Look, it's just my opinion based on reading lots of your posts .... maybe the reality is a little different. Good luck mate, you deserve it as we all do, I think.

Posted by: woodnwine at September 3, 2008 9:23 AM

Posted by: auntykaz at September 2, 2008 11:19 PM

Kaz, well the Greg o matic better be reliable over the next few days because taken2it is back at the end of the week. How can one man make such a mess?

Picking your loved one up from the airport at 4.30 in the morning has got to count for something though doesn't it?

I am saddened by the stories of fathers who in effect abandon their children. There can be no ecxcuses for that behaviour. Seeing ones children grow into adults is one of life's great joys.
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at September 3, 2008 9:15 AM

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 3, 2008 2:47 AM - comments anyone?

Hi Warped, I think your approach is fantastic and I love your entertaining repartee. Keep doing what your doing! If I could be half the man you are when I'm older I would be very happy (I am a woman tho and another Sunshine Coast one at that! What IS it with your popularity with the SC ladies??). I will continue to enjoy your posts, as I have been doing with many of you - among others: musicteacher, amberlight and EspLF - intelligent, sensitive, strong and sexy - I wanna be like you guys when I grow up! . . . A word on the "man drought" . . . there is none, it's just a complex world we live in today and we are all "winging it" and doing the best we can. Have a good day everyone and I hope to visit again. Glitteringblue : )

Posted by: glitteringblue at September 3, 2008 8:30 AM

Timewarp1: I think your profile is great.....In saying that though, I looked at it a couple of days ago and thought it was great then too....

Posted by: okamhere at September 3, 2008 8:30 AM

WnW: If I have to sit quietly and wait for the women to find me and kiss me, I thought I better at least use the best bait that I can - the most attractive (but honest) profile that I can come up with, so I tweaked mine tonight after tennis.

Any comments, anyone?

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 3, 2008 2:47 AM

blueyedblond at 11:11am has writted: "Timewarp1 at 10:30am - I read inflexibility in your post."

Ma'am, I need to ask: is that a condemnation, or a congratulation?

In either case, I'd love you to justify your appraisal with some actual argument that's robust or at least convincing, so that our myriad readers can critique your critique.

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 3, 2008 12:41 AM

woodnwine at 3:04 PM posted: "Bill, I suggest you try to forget making lists and having so many schemes and plans, and just take things as they come"

Thank you Michael, but I'm having a lot of trouble trying to guess what on earth you could mean by this earnest but very vague advice.

Do you mean I should sit patiently and wait for local women (ie. not foreigners) to send me RSVP kisses?

They already do. About 2 or 3 a month. Looking back the last 3 months, they were ALL near my age, ALL retired, AND all living up at the Sunshine Coast, except one from Redcliffe.

Redcliffe is a 100km round trip across Brisbane from Mt Gravatt, and Maroochydore is about 220km. Maleny/Montville probably further. That's a lot of petrol and travelling time, for a bloke who hopes to commute between her home and his urban home business, a couple of times a week for some years.

So I'm I'm looking for a woman who's still working, and/or understands that some men also need (or want) to do that too, irrespective of their age. I really related to you girls saying in the last couple of days that you badly need time off from your man, for all the other parts of your life.

And I'm looking for someone who still can (and does) do most of 5 days' work a week, and then still has the energy to do something more energetic and/or intellectual than spinebash and doze, all through the evenings and weekend.

And finally, I'm hoping for someone who's somewhere near as adaptable, unselfish, loving and demonstrative as I am. Like the girls here, I've had the other kind, and just like them, once bitten, twice shy.

IN SHORT, I'M LOOKING FOR MY MATCH.

And almost all of the many women I've met who did seem to me to be about level with me in the onset of old age are now in their early 60s, not their early 70s. Sorry, they just are.

That's why I dare at 72 to ask for a woman in her 60s.
.............................................................

Michael, I'm reminded of the old saying: 'There are people who make things happen; people who watch things happening, and people who ask the next day "What happened?"

Please teach me a way to make things happen fairly reliably and fairly soon, WITHOUT getting myself motivated and organised, or doing anything pro-active myself.

Then your advice will be fair dinkum and useful to me and other readers, and not just saying "Bill, that's not the way I do it myself. You should be like me."

And I'd also welcome advice from others of either gender who do have life goals similar to mine, and also HAVE thought out some specific strategies to try to attain them, inside an acceptable time frame.

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 3, 2008 12:26 AM

Is that your verandah?/ Heavens it's magnificent...I am jealous!!!!!!!!
Posted by: okamhere at September 2, 2008 11:37 AM
Sorry OK, not my verandah .. I just got to visit it a couple times .. belongs to my daughter and her partner.
It is available for rent on Stayz still I think, tho' so contact me via my profile if you want to know more about it.It truly is a lovely serene place on the Hawkesbury.

Amberlight I can relate to the disinterested, miserly, mean Dad .. which is why once my kids were older and wiser they disengaged from him and stopped using his name. He made it patently obvious after I left he would not only try to avoid spending anything further on them but went to the bank and closed my own personal account which I had been saving by way of working as housemaid in a Hotel and by teaching private English lessons at home. Apparently his word at the bank was enough to do the trick. He also got to the Travel Agent and made them withhold a refund on the return tickets I'd had to purchase in order to escape peacefully.The tickets were held for a year then they told me they had expired and were no longer refundable. The kitchen badly in need of an upgrade was done the moment I left and before the girlfriend moved in. In the divorce he hastily sought in order to re marry .. he was ordered to pay maintenance for his children by Swiss Law, so he quit his job and told me was unemployed. I just told him I'd renegotiate the terms of maintenance with his lawyer and ask for a raise .. he was back in another job in a week and the money was back in the bank.I never pressed him on the cost of their education .. which he was also meant to pay and within a second of their 20th birthday the money stopped flowing into their accounts. He contuinues to live his happy selfish DINK's life style and altho I let him know when his kids were married, and/or made him a Grandfather etc .. he still is disinterested!
To me they will always be important and loved .. and I too will always take them into consideration before I make any man in my life a partner for life!

Posted by: waternymph47 at September 2, 2008 11:47 PM

Greg, maybe your Greg o matic needs new batteries...or you need to update your model, bigger, better, so that it can go beyond the limits of your current model....

Even l can manage a ride on mower and petrol whipper snipper more than once in a bluey :-).....................K

Posted by: auntykaz at September 2, 2008 11:19 PM

It was great to catch up with old blogging friends and make new ones on the weekend! Drone, you're a sweetie, don't change! Grego and H2H, you're both just as wise as I thought you would be and Dude, yeah, you're a bit of alright too. It's not all about the blokes though, JenniferHi, it was a delight to meet you as well. As for the rest of the old crew (you know who you are), you know I love you all and I'm looking forward to our next adventure!

Posted by: ninaschen at September 2, 2008 10:13 PM

Music - My old man may not be a reliable source, mainly because he happens to have had 2 marriages, neither have worked out for him. I have come to form my opinions on females from whats happened to me in life so far. I try and stay optimistic, but at the same time, im not convinced that women want equality, im more inclined to think that they want people to round around after them. In a way, they are like cats(in a sense that they only want to know you when they want somthing), whether it be attention or material items

Posted by: metalscott at September 2, 2008 10:07 PM

Sorry I missed you all at the Melb blog meeting. Hopefully next time. I am looking forward to meeting you all in person. Please don't organise it on my birthday again. My 2 friends want to take me out that day. :)
Glad you all had a great day. Gordon.

Posted by: gordon1951 at September 2, 2008 10:00 PM

Posted by: amberlight58 at September 2, 2008 4:29 PM
Thank you for your reply. I understand everything you wrote. Just giving a different perspective. I won't even send you to the noorty corner.
Love Gordon.

Posted by: gordon1951 at September 2, 2008 9:57 PM

Posted by: lovetolaugh57 at September 2, 2008 2:14 PM
Thank you for not messing up my sandpit but it will be somebody elses duty tomorrow. I am getting good at this blog thing, a bit of cut and paste and dribble.
Love Gordon.

Posted by: gordon1951 at September 2, 2008 9:52 PM

Metal September 2, 2008 2:27 PM
That bar scenario you described is called a shit test and it is usually calculated and done on purpose. The bitch factor elevates when chicks are in situations where they are often being approached.
A woman does or says something to a man in order to engender a response. If the man supplicates, he fails the test. If the man responds in a dominant fashion, he passes the test.
You ignore the remark, smile and say 'Hey I'm Scott and you seem to have a vision problem. I'll give you the number of a friend who is a top optometrist... blah blah..

If you want advice on handling those situations and keeping your value high, talk to a mate with plenty of recent experience picking up women.

Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at September 2, 2008 9:31 PM

Oh, Jen, that will be one concert to go to l think....Jackson Browne tickets go on sale on Friday, l think the concert is in March and at the Palais.....cool eh??

Metalsccott and Stu, again with the generalisations....Don't you guys realise that when you generalise like that it only does you a disservice??
Who on earth is going to respond to that in a positive light???....

Tassiedude, how do you like your tea, dear, your old Auntykaz can pop the kettle on and make you one......l hope you didn't pick up the cold from me. My son made a killer curry last night for dinner, l thought it had blown the germs to kingdom come, but alas, no.....still with me it is, and lingering longer than a bad smell...way too much longer......Tea and sympathy is really the only way forward, sorry to say......

Waternymph, that picture on the balcony, if that is your view you are truly a lucky lady........

Now Musicteacher, l like that, we need to be patted to make us purrrr darling!!

On the subject of surnames, l took my ex's name in 1984 and it has been the name l have had for half my life. It is one l actually like, and will keep it as l feel it is as much my name as my maiden name, which l didn't particularly like.
I don't equate my surname with him, l equate it with my childern and myself.

And on the parents who are less than perfect, my kids rarely see their father, their choice and as adults one they are well within their rights to make.
He does one thing that is absolutely wrong in my eyes....... he drunk dials, as in calls them when he is pissed and starts very unpleasant arguments........ Really bad form in my opinion, and then wonders why they have little to do with him.......
One thing he said to me when we broke up was that of course he loved them, he bought them whatever they wanted......
My reply was that money doesn't buy love.

TELLING your children that you love them is how they know that you love them, as well as hugging them, spending time with them, enjoying their company and their silly funny ways.
Strange that he still doesn't do any of that.......ah well his loss, but also theirs, they do deserve better from him.

Anyway, we all have our stories, don't we, and some are very tragic. Mine is fairly normal and relatively benign......
I count myself lucky to have two great kids who are both employed in good careers with long term stability, Nursing and Building.

Thanks to those who read my somewhat longish essays last night, evidently l was on a bit of a roll.....sometimes l just do that..................K

Posted by: auntykaz at September 2, 2008 8:08 PM

Posted by: tassiedude1 at September 1, 2008 5:46 PM - Yah TD, it was good to play a few tunes together. Just watch out if I ever get that axe howling! LoL. Overall, a great weekend spent in some great company :)

Posted by: heart2heart57 at September 2, 2008 7:39 PM

blueyedblond and amberlight58
Hardly watch TV anymore and alcohol is usually limited to the weekends. Even then I try to keep a lid on it as I don't want to turn into a complete goose.

junebaby57 Sydney is booked.

All well wishers. Thank you.
Truth be told I feel absolutely terrible.
Signing off.............Time for bed........
Seeya

Posted by: tassiedude1 at September 2, 2008 7:29 PM

I dont really think there is a man drought. I believe its people in general becoming more and more picky about what they want in a perfect partner. People should lower there standards a bit, get to know someone, and you never know.. you might hit it off.

Who really cares that he doesnt have abs and a well paying job. He could be working his way up the foodchain to bigger and better things. We all started somewhere.

But if we are all this picky, then most of us will be single for a very long time.

The only things i am picky about in a female (aged between 22 -32) is that she isnt an alcoholic, isnt addicted to drugs, not too heavy, she must have a sense of humor, and is willing to talk about any complications that arise.. I think that communication is a key factor in any realationship, and I would rather talk it out then both of us go to bed shitty.

Also another problem I found is.. my last few dates (been a while since I went on one) is a few loose screws. One gal didnt like me because my jaw line was "a little similar" to her ex's. seriously, in my head i laughed so hard.

But to end this little rant of mine.. What I am looking for is not difficult, nothing too picky, rather simple really.. Just a great girl to settle down with

Posted by: squizz1981 at September 2, 2008 7:25 PM

Hi all. Haven't you been busy! Just a quick one before tennis. Gotta be early because I've got the gear this week (and the choice of which bikkies to have bought.)

Tassie: Yes, it's dreary being dreary, with no-one around who cares. It got to me 2 years ago, when I broke 2 ribs at miserable midwinter.

Yes, it's so helpful knowing what went wrong last time, so you can try to guard against that mistake next time. And by my age, there ain't a lot of next chances ahead of you, so it's even more important. One of my reasons for trying to pair off urgently, while I've still got a lot to offer, and therefore, some desirability.

amber at 12:08 PM: beautifully explained, as ever. And your 12.33 post has singlehandedly taken "never had children" off my veto list.

Yoshi: The more I read of your stuff, the more I agree with the girls that you're a really nice bloke, and on the up and up..

Just one suggestion: make-you-breathe-deeply kinds of exercise also make you feel a lot more positive and dynamic, for the next 2 days.

Team-based exercise like sport has an enjoyable social aspect too, but when I was in my teens and early 20s I used to jog alone from the cemetery to the tram terminus 4 evenings a week (2-mile round trip) and that was enough to keep me cheerful, even after I gave up playing rugby.

You can start the exercise programme, before you find the new more-positive people to hang with.

blueeyedblond at 4.10pm posted: "hate isn't the opposite of love, indifference is"

I think the hate is when you still love them, and are now also angry with them, for determinedly failing to deserve it. Seeyez.

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 2, 2008 7:09 PM

MT - maybe "stroked" is a more accurate translation :)

Lovetolaugh - I know what you mean - what a missed opportunity for us!

Posted by: willow29 at September 2, 2008 7:08 PM

Hey Kaz ~ Just got word that Neil Young is coming out next year. Thought you should be told a.s.a.p.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at September 2, 2008 6:26 PM

amberlight I know my kids are lucky - but I have to say that I had to suck up a lot of my own feelings at the time to ensure that everything stayed that way for them with their father. I cannot imagine how hard it would be in yours and others circumstances when your children are being hurt by one of the two people that should love them more than anyone else in the world. But believe it or not there are mothers that just up and leave their children and go off and start a new life and ignore their children like they never existed. I find that MUCH harder to comprehend as a mother myself. I am not saying that sometimes there are not circumstances as to why this happens but those women usually end up fighting to get their children back once they themselves have recovered. Woops sorry I cannot stand to see children suffer for any reasons - (anybody really for that matter) the motherly instinct is really strong.

On another note how did I miss out knowing that our favourite "dude" was coming to Melbourne boo hoo :( Hope you are better soon "dude"

Posted by: lovetolaugh57 at September 2, 2008 5:52 PM

Metalscott:

Hello

The trick is to work with what you know about women,and find a man,maybe your Dad,who loves a women to explain it to you.Please don't take advise from a mysogynist............and Women,the same applies.

My mother used to say.........a woman needs to be treated like a cat........she needs lots of patting...that doesn't sound right in English but maybe some may get what i am saying.

A man wants to feel like a man,be treated like a man......if you demand equality,well i don't think he is going to like it.if you demand anything from anyone you are unlikely to get it......and trying to reason doesn't always work either.If you can cunningly manipulate a man to do what you want.....then BINGO!!!!

I of course have my tongue in my cheek,but I think there may be some truth here.

We are different!!! Men,Women,Different!

OOOOOh,can't wait to read the replies on this tomorrow........hahahaha

Posted by: musicteacher at September 2, 2008 5:41 PM

Timewarp....do l have your attention.....
Good....
An alcoholic doesn't stay in his garage getting plastered because he isn't into you, he does it because all he craves, above EVERYTHING else, his kids included is booze.
Pure and Simple.
Nothing to do with anything else, of that l am an authority!!!!......................K

Posted by: auntykaz at September 2, 2008 5:38 PM

Whoopy Dooo blueBlueyes you have changed your target age group to 54 -58. WHY WHY WHY do most of you men stipulate that a woman has to be younger than you. Is it a conspracy to leave Australia full of widows.

Posted by: blueyedblond at September 2, 2008 5:36 PM

Hey Kurli ~ Nothing wrong with our weather! (Well nothing that a nice coat or jacket can't take care of. lol. p.s Thanks John. Says she who left her coat in the car not realising how late a lunch could go. lol.)

Oh, and I've got a lemon tree too. lol.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at September 2, 2008 5:29 PM

Amberlight...........my x loves the children,but has not worked since the death of our daughter.It has taken me a long time to accept that he is also suffering from post-traumatic stress.......his attitude to me though is bitterness........cause I left him!!!and am happy i guess.

Posted by: musicteacher at September 2, 2008 5:19 PM

It always appears to me, that whenever i'm out somewhere there are a lot more men than women, so i'm not quite sure where all of the extra women hide!

Posted by: nightfalltech at September 2, 2008 5:04 PM

tassie get well soon, are you coming up to sydney???

Re the surname thing, I use my maiden name, except at anything for my kids, the bank and tax.....at work it is all my maiden name.

blueblue it was an interesting post - you know what interesting means...it is a bit like fine!!!!! but people will always comment , good or bad in the blogs.. have a lovely arvo...jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at September 2, 2008 4:54 PM

TD,
You are a rare man from my experience! You have learned a lot from your sadness and loss and I am sure you will take much better care of your next relationship.
My ex never shed a tear after I left and still has no idea why I felt so unhappy and unloved, he still thinks it was me just being "over-emotional" and unstable!

Thank you ELF, such lovely comments. I will take your suggestions on board!

Posted by: amberlight58 at September 2, 2008 4:39 PM

Hi Gordon,
That was exactly what I did mean. That people who don't have children are not necessarily, any more selfish or lacking in understanding than people who have had children.
In fact I consider that a man who has fathered a child but has taken no interest in him/her or nurtured that child, is the really selfish person.

My comments were in reference to Kaz and TW and some others who have said that they would never consider having a relationship with someone who has never had children (not sure I made that clear though!) as well as thinking about my ex, who was given the gift of children but never appreciated it.

I also have a niggling doubt about someone who has no children being able to understand the total commitment a parent has to their children, accepting that until the children are grown up, their partner's children will come first.
And even once they are grown, illness or injury could change things overnight.

However, I am beginning to wonder if I may well be quite wrong and I should broaden my horizons a little bit.
Just because someone has never had the opportunity to be a parent through life circumstances, doesn't mean they would not have been a great parent if they had been given the chance.
Conversely, just because someone has fathered a child, doesn't automatically mean they are capable of loving and nurturing their own or anyone else's child.
So in a long-winded way I was saying the same thing as you are!

Lovetolaugh, I know there are lots of dads out here who haven't let the demise of their relationship interfere with the love they give to their children. I wish my ex could be different, but he has the same attitude towards our children now, as he did when we were together.
Your children are so lucky!

BTW, I think I may well have erred in including MT's ex amongst those not-so-wonderful dads. I notice she wrote that her ex shares the care of their children.

Posted by: amberlight58 at September 2, 2008 4:29 PM

Blueblueyes,.. Stay,..don't go away, carry a armour shield to cover you from flying daggers, look at me,.. I got flying magic carpet ready to take off anytime....& back again to rub my genie.....lol

Posted by: aliane at September 2, 2008 4:13 PM

tassiedude1 at September 2, 2008 2:22 PM. I think your words should be tattoed on the foreheads of boys at birth. Amberlight58 may have married my ex but you ARE him. I jokingly say now that he spent our entire married life making it his lifes work to do nothing. He was a copper so between work, drinking, footy, drinking, TV, footy, TV, drinking and work there wasn’t much time for anything else. Did I mention TV. Pity cause I loved him to death for about 10 years. Then I did pretty much the same as your wife, worked, looked after the kids, made friends of my own. His life changed as he got older, walked in the door one day and discovered no one was home. We had new lives that didn’t include him. The boys had grown into men and saw him for what he was and I discovered that hate isn’t the opposite of love, indifference is. Ironic part is I stayed for 27 years, by the time I left I was past my use by date as far as men go. However I have not for one second regretted leaving and my boys and I make up a very close little family.

Posted by: blueyedblond at September 2, 2008 4:10 PM

Dude:.Try some Chrysanthemum Tea from the Asian shop.........moistens the throat,in addition to helping your liver................

On Fathers and Surnames...........

My mother tried changing my name to HER maiden name when I was in Primary school,and I resented it.had it changed back.

My x husband's mum did the same but she tried to change his name to his step-fathers,and he resented that too and had it changed back..needless to say,his biological father who WAS supporting him went "nuts".

I am a little old fashioned when it comes to some things..i took husbands names when married but kept my name for my job as stated below.

No matter how I feel about the father of my children...........I don't spend my time going over any injustices I feel,and I would never consider changing their names,nor making life hell for them with a "double-barrelled" one.

My father,was not perfect....but my mother went out of her way to alienate us one minute,then she would feel guilty and try to get me to see him....then she would get jealous and try to alienate again.and so on!!!

(Don't anyone here have a go at my mother!!! she raised me on her own,and had a tough time).

I want to keep my fathers name regardless.

My marriages failed,but I contributed.no point totally blaming my x's for any misery....(well,actually my mother-in-law was the worst culprit!).

Of course it's up to the individual what to do with a name........but i have no doubt that at times it is brought on by a resentful parent....what more hurtful to any father than having his name removed........

I am not talking about fathers that have never been there,but those for example that have paid maintenance,put a roof over their head etc.

This is not directed at anyone in particular and it is just my opinion.

Posted by: musicteacher at September 2, 2008 4:09 PM

Tassiedude@11.23am:So sorry to read that the melbourne weather did you in!
You should have saved your Frequent flyers for a trip to Briz.

Have buckets of lemons,if you need any!

Posted by: kurli at September 2, 2008 3:24 PM

timewarper - I suggest you try to forget making lists and having so many schemes and plans and just take things as they come .... maybe even do something different. You can't try to make everything fit into your lists and plans ..... because they never do. Your approach to dating sounds/reads like an Army training manual. I mean this with respect and best wishes by the way, Bill. Plus, I do admire your resolve.

Posted by: woodnwine at September 2, 2008 3:04 PM

Drone, I never said you were unfashionable. Unfortunately when God was handing out fashion sense to all the little girls His hand passed over me. I have no clue when it comes to trends or fashions. I was just saying I thought your glasses and hair were fine to me. Most guys on this sight seem to think they have to flash their abs and muscles to attract a woman. Why arent there more women in bikinis then?:)))

Posted by: missgentle at September 2, 2008 2:56 PM

amberlight58 at September 2, 2008 12:33 PM
OMG.... you were married to my ex!!!!!!!

Posted by: blueyedblond at September 2, 2008 2:52 PM

Sorry Gordon, did I mess the sandpit. I will get my rake and smooth it out again.
blueblueyes , don't go, we can be like petulant children here, however you do need to be able to take it as well as give.

Posted by: blueyedblond at September 2, 2008 2:31 PM

Malsie and Willow
Thanks for your well wishes. Feeling better already.:)

Posted by: tassiedude1 at September 2, 2008 2:31 PM

Stu - You exactly right mate. Women act so high and mighty when it comes to trying to find a guy. If they dont have the exact personality traits that a lady expects them to have, they dont even bother. It also becomes quite a crush to someones self confidence when a female looks at you in a bar, you go over, try to start a conversation, and it turns out she wasnt looking at you a all.Women try and find the "right" man, but never realy seem to put too much effort in, they kind of just sit there on their pedestal watching as people go by.

Posted by: metalscott at September 2, 2008 2:27 PM

amberlight58
I don't know why some men are so good at f***ing things up. I know in a lot of cases it takes two to tango and there are no two identical experiences however there seems to be this common trait of one or the other becoming complacent in a relationship and convincing themselves that the other person has become totally reliant on them to fulfil all of life's needs.
Look I was in a similar boat myself. Shortly after marriage she detached herself from all of her male and female friends, she quit her job and began to focus all of her attention towards our relationship. In all honesty it didn't take too long for me to become complacent with things. Started to stay and have a few beers with the boyz after work. Sundays was spent sitting on the couch watching football rather than going for a picnic, like we used to, or helping around the house. All in all, even though I didn't think I was too bad, our relationship became boring and mundane.
So then it didn't take long for her to give up making an effort. The house became untidy, never any food in the fridge, she started shift work so was never there and by the time I realised what had happened it was all too late to repair.
Anyway there's a lot more to the story but I just wont go there.
So if I had any advice in my limited experience. Find someone who has had some life/relationship experiences. Stay away from the needy ones. Keep your friends and social network. Let him know he is not the be all and end all. Tell him that you wont put up with any of his crap. Keep him a little on the back foot. Play a little hard to get.
There will always be someone out there for you.
To all the guys. In this day and age if you don't treat her right she will leave and that's just the way of it.

Posted by: tassiedude1 at September 2, 2008 2:22 PM

ha ha wondered if Gordon was going to give us a response to Amberlight - well done - and Gordon I am just sitting quietly in the corner not messing anything up!!

Posted by: lovetolaugh57 at September 2, 2008 2:14 PM

Tassiedude ~ Well you might have a cold now but you sure looked 'Hot' on Saturday night. lol. (geez, did I say that out loud?)

Hot/Cold guess it all balances out. lol.

Jen x (seriously hope you feel better soon.)

Posted by: jenniferhi at September 2, 2008 2:10 PM

blueblueeyes ~ I'd so like to say something too, but guess Greg, elf, and blueeyedblonde have summed things up just nicely.
Good luck on your search - think you're gonna need it.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at September 2, 2008 2:01 PM

Amberlight get where you are coming from but my girls father was and still is a great dad to them and as for being a grandpa, everyone knows about his grandson! The same as he was with his girls - (you know the person with the wallet with heaps of photos!) lol, it was and still is cute. The kids work it all out for themselves. If the dads write their kids off for their new life they miss out - unfortunately so do the kids. The trick is to try and not let it affect the kids too much and make sure that they do not let their father's attitude carry on to the next generation.

Posted by: lovetolaugh57 at September 2, 2008 1:38 PM

blueeyedblonde, cheers for the thoughts, though i must say i do try to go out and have fun but after an incident last year i find it a bit harder as of late, though also as for the go out in 5 years bit... im happy if i find someone now or in the future, its just a matter of finding someone nice... had a few that were'nt exactly ball breakers but they had their own unique problems which is why i no longer see them, or in that fact even talk to them. just gotta wait to find someone compatable whether it be today tomorrow or ten years time, im not trying to be superficial with who i am, with my profile i was just saying that i do want to start a sport or something, i used to sit around and do nothing with people doing nothing... wasting our lives away, hence why i started trying to find another start... even with moving fromt he other side of the country to start again sometimes you just attract the wrong sorts of people, whereby you realise that in order to get to the right group of people you must first change yourself slightly to move away from the group that is doing no good and to move into the new group, maybe a few people on here need to try and change a little as well, be themselves sure, but just alter small things in order to move ahead and find that someone that is special to them, instead of falling down the same path time and time again

Posted by: yoshi84 at September 2, 2008 1:34 PM

Posted by: grego7 at September 2, 2008 12:50 PM ......................................Many thanks for tips, and the manner in which you delivered them...very much appreciated.
Not being into blogging much, I think I may have learnt a lesson here. I do seem to have bitten off more than I can chew, and don't wish to get into the mindless slanging bit.Think I might retire to the sidelines and take my lumps......................................Apologies to all I have offended in this very brief time.................
Again many thanks grego7...

Posted by: blueblueyes at September 2, 2008 1:33 PM

Posted by: amberlight58 at September 2, 2008 12:33 PM
Not sure how I am goint to answer this as i am one of those never been married or had children, selfish persons. I have always got on well with my ex partners children. Even going out of my way to be of help or support. My brothers kids think I am a hoot. I always make the laugh. I coach childred in sport from a very young age (21) and are still great friends with some of them today. Even the one who married one of my girlfriends. Please don't put us in the one catagory. Life has delt me this hand and I am happy with it. Regards Gordon.

Posted by: gordon1951 at September 2, 2008 1:32 PM

Some of you are messing up the sandpit I worked so hard to rake and clean this morning. I have been told to tell you mothers if you play up. So be nice and play fair. Gordon.

Posted by: gordon1951 at September 2, 2008 1:11 PM

amber...spinster??? don't even start to put that label on yourself, honey, please... a spinster-type figure???? Well Twiggy comes to mind, or Cameron Diaz, or if you mean the more curvy-type, maybe JLo or Catherine Zeta-Jones....

...it's how you are with your body that matters, darling, try to avoid calling it negative pet names, positive ones are good though, like tiger, wild thing, cutesy, hot stuff, sassy babe...you know...look at yourself as if you don't give a whatsit how anyone else does, shake that booty for yourself.

As I say on my profile, being sexy is a way of walking, an attitude...so is being a spinster...no way, you don't need it darling!

Love your bumps and curves and soft bits, because they are totally unique to you - WOW!!!

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at September 2, 2008 12:52 PM

blueblueyes at September 2, 2008 10:11 AM .............................................
Thank you for your comment...particularly the target age group...my profile has been up for a number of years, and didn't notice the ages...thanks. Many of us start and stop,become disallusioned, start going out with someone, doesn't work, then get back on again.It has been changed.Rest assured that the photo is STILL a close likeness, much closer than many glam shots and 10-20 year photos on here................like most of us, you CAN see my photo..
As far as the rest of your post goes, it is a shame some people have not learnt that you can disagree with someone, without having to resort to juvenile primary school tactics.I don't think there is anything else of substance worth commenting on., or replying to.

Posted by: blueblueyes at September 2, 2008 12:52 PM

Posted by: blueblueyes at September 1, 2008 3:45 PM

Ken, I was moved to make a comment on your assertions re female genitalia and women using withrawal of "privelidges" (your word) as a power control mechanism. But really it is not worth wasting the oxygen.

There is a 4 year gap in our ages but a 100 year gap in our attitudes and knowledge of women. Evidently most of the other female bloggers have thought your post not worth the effort either. Esprit gently advised you that your ideas were off beam and I suggest you take notice of her.

I wonder about male profiles which use the words "tactile" "not looking for recreational sex" and specify as a condition a meeting within 7 days.
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at September 2, 2008 12:50 PM

Actualy my previous post made me think about the "having children" thing too.
Kaz, ELF, MT, WN and others, it sounds like many of our previous partners "sired" our children, but really weren't exactly great fathers.
I have come to the conclusion, a lot of men want children to prove they can do it (e.g. are virile, "don't shoot blanks" ,etc.) but that doesn't mean they really know, understand or care what being a father really is, much less the time and sacrifice that is needed to be a great dad!

My ex fathered our 4 children, but he never got up to the children at night, or sat with them when they were sick or spent any time with them. Our youngest is 12, he is 53, but he still can't give our son any of his "valuable" time. He has him for 3 nights (not days) a fortnight and still yells at him frequently for anything!
His older children barely tolerate him.

If he was to come onto this site, he is a legitimate father of 4, who "live at home sometimes".
Yet he has no experience at all of ever "sacrificing" anything for his children, he even resented the amount of money they took to raise!

I honestly think he would seriously resent any woman who wouldn't put his needs above those of her children.
How "boring", he was previously married to one of those!
I wonder if a man who has never had children could have a more more selfish attitude than this!

Posted by: amberlight58 at September 2, 2008 12:33 PM

Lynath, Kaz & ELF,
What fantastic posts! I agree whole heartedly with all you have said.
Also Amanda's comments as well.

When we were young I believe, many women had no real idea about an "equal" relationship.
Times were different, even if our parents had a happy marriage (mine didn't!) I think it was often because of the fact the women of our mother's generation sacrificed a lot to make those relationships happy.
Some women probably enjoyed being a mother and homemaker, and never being able to do anything else, but for those who had ambitions of trying to combine this and maybe have outside interests or work outside the home, society was not structured to meet the needs of those women.
Hence the rise of the feminist movement in the late 60s and 70s.

However for many of us, we were raised with more traditional values, and we married men who had also been raised the same way. So to become part of your husband's life (and not really look after your own) was the way it was expected to be.
We had our children, often raised them ourselves (almost like single parents) even though we had a husband, the husbands lived their own lives, work, entertainment, maybe some community work. Someone had to be at home with the children and it was usually us!

I wanted much more than this, my husband felt good that he "allowed" me to do outside things (other than work of course, he liked the extra money my nursing night shift wage brought in!). He would look after the children while I went out to after-hours meetings, but I always felt I had to be "organised" the children fed, bathed in their pjs ready for bed. (Funny he never felt he had to help out before his evening commitments!)
However, nothing I did was as important as his "stuff".

And that was the way my marriage was. I tried so hard, but it was never good enough for him. Strangely enough, he never tried hard for me!
My ex didn't want to be worried about the mundane parts of life, I paid the bills, (why couldn't I make the money go further?!) ran the house and raised the children, he did outside work around the yard when he felt like it (I did the weeding and pruning) and resentfully "helped" me out (it was after all, all my responsibility you see) when I couldn't "cope".
I never remember him taking responsibility for anything in our family, or ever having a regular weekly chore, except maybe mowing the lawn which he only did when it looked really untidy or he couldn't find the hose for the grass!
In 22 years he never took me out for dinner at a restaurant and to a movie afterwards!

When our marriage began falling apart, mostly because (as TW put it once) I got sick of being the only person "peddling the bike", I asked my ex to put me and our children as number one priority in his life.
Well, I am here, so it's pretty obvious how well that went!

I would never, ever, go back to being treated so disrespectfully or taken for granted again!
I was devastated when I realised the true extent of my ex's disdain for me.
Once he realised our marriage was all but over, he showed it day after day after day.
I left him because I felt I had no choice and he wanted our house, so he wasn't about to leave me!

This doesn't mean I think all men are the same, (I know and get on well with a number of men as friends) but it means I will never tolerate any crap! Ever again.
I have learnt the lesson you teach people how to treat you, the hard way.

I know I can be alone (I was for most of my marriage!), I know I can get my own house, I can pay my own bills and make my own living.
I don't need a man to do these things for me.
So I can afford to be choosy. I am not "desperate", it worries me not what some men may think of me.
I know I am a caring, loving and (mostly) compassionate person. I know I can be loyal and monogamous.
One day some man may appreciate those qualities, but I'm not hanging around if he doesn't!
A partner, a lover, a friend. Someone to whom I am important, who thinks my needs and values are at least as important as his!
But I know I am "gun shy" and that may well be a problem for a lot of men.

Maybe I will never find that special person..
That doesn't mean I am a failure as a human-being. I am quite happy to be the old matriarchal "spinster" type figure, who everyone knows takes crap from no one!
But who still has a wicked sense of humour!

Posted by: amberlight58 at September 2, 2008 12:08 PM

"Relationships are anything but running a business, running anything really. They are messy and confusing and totally unique with constantly changing 'rules' being about the only rule that is constant."
So very true, esprit - what makes them maddening but also intriguing, I suppose. And what a great attitude your son has with regards to his marriage. I had friends in WA who were married young and together for 15 years, and I asked one of them how she and her husband managed to maintain their relationship. She said it was no big deal for them, they just took it a day at a time and before they knew it, 15 years had gone by, but in a close and happy way. Unfortunately they have since separated as their wishes and goals got to a point of too much divergence, but they don't begrudge the time they spent together and feel blessed to have had the relationship they did.

Rod, it's times like those of illness I always wish my mum was on hand - that's what you need :)

Posted by: malsie at September 2, 2008 12:07 PM

Rod, you know we care - I'll send you some virtual chicken soup. Ask Drifter, it works!

Posted by: willow29 at September 2, 2008 11:56 AM

Hi all........

Starry,hello!

Surnames.........always kept my maiden name for my Profession,and always will.

Such a beautiful day! I am going shopping........bye for now!
R

Posted by: musicteacher at September 2, 2008 11:41 AM

Waternymph47: Is that your verandah?/ Heavens it's magnificent...I am jealous!!!!!!!!

Posted by: okamhere at September 2, 2008 11:37 AM

blueblueyes at September 2, 2008 10:11 AM .
Why is your target age group 52 - 56 when you are 61??? You describe yourself as average but you want a slim/athletic woman. Your hair isn't other.. you are bald, you may have been blonde once upon a time, but that was then and this is now... 2.something years can be a long time between photos.
I did read your profile and you do qualify yourself...broaden your horizons, look outside your expectations.
Yeah I know I can be such a bitch but those who know me on here get where I am coming from.
I think I need to get out of the house, get to the beach and look at some hot young bods...bugga my walking frame will get stuck in the sand.

Posted by: blueyedblond at September 2, 2008 11:32 AM

This is an interesting thread....surnames.

Currently I have 6 letters in my surname and if I were to take on my future hubby's surname and hyphenate it I will have 21 letters including the hyphen. Now add the 9 letters in my first name and that will bring the total to 30 letters.
Well, you alpha males and females beware because I'm gonna be the alpha-bet-h. *Huge Grin*

Posted by: egernia at September 2, 2008 11:25 AM

Well I have a cold today. So the guitar is unplugged, the voice is croaky and unrecognisable. My head is feeling rather heavy and dazed. That'll teach me to walk the streets of Melbourne late at night with inadequate clothing.
It's times like these that make me feel lonelier than usual. That horrible thought that pops into the back of my head telling me that no one cares and there is no one to look after me.
And realising that I have no one to care for or look after when they are sick or needy, no one to share the good and bad times with.
Oh well.
Now where did I put my cup of tea with lemon and honey?

Posted by: tassiedude1 at September 2, 2008 11:23 AM

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at September 2, 2008 9:40 AM..........................Well for my folly,we must suffer the indignity of slings and arrows, as well as distortions of truth... if it was allowed, I could give you some websites on world renown medical institutions...you being the self proclaimed expert and all.....I am not interested in getting into a public brawl or responding to petty inane jibes because of an objectionable truth.....I have learnt not to sweat the small stuff. .........goodbye and goodluck...Ken

Posted by: blueblueyes at September 2, 2008 11:23 AM

Posted by: auntykaz at September 1, 2008 10:14 PM

Kaz, your wish list seems very reasonable and modest to me although chores round the house is a big ask for many guys. Even the grego-matic has been known to fail at cleaning the bathroom at times.
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at September 2, 2008 11:22 AM

timewarp1 at September 2, 2008 10:30 AM I read inflexibility in your post.

Posted by: blueyedblond at September 2, 2008 11:11 AM

yoshi84 at September 1, 2008 10:06 PM. I don’t see anything wrong with your profile. Probably put pic 3 up for view. You don’t have to play a sport to attract women. Just be YOU (and you look ok to me) don’t feign interest in anything to make you seem more interesting. Don’t sell yourself short you are a good looking young man… yeah I know … old lady but I can still look. You remind me of someone who is very special to me… Just stay away from the ball breaking type of woman.. they will eat you up and spit you out. (trust me I know, have 2 sons) If I was your mum I would tell you to go out have fun, go out with your mates, start the serious search for a woman in 5 years time…

Posted by: blueyedblond at September 2, 2008 11:00 AM

woodnwine at 9:07 AM: Sorry to get it wrong, Michael.

I'm a very organised person, and motivated to fit a lot into my life. So I have a set routine for a lot of things, partly to save time. and partly to let me do the usual stuff on autopilot.

In relationships, I like to sit down with the other person (parent, child, spouse, employee) and work out how we'll work together to accomplish our shared, congruent AND independent goals.

I really relate to the girls' talking about having a big and significant part of your life that doesn't involve your partner, and this certainly needs negotiating and organising.

And if it's not working, renegotiate, as often as necessary.

But on top of that, I also have a left brain, to take care of surprises and spur-of-the-moment adventures.

Please tell me what else I need to do. I'll look tonight - gotta do some of yesterday's hookey-day work, as well as today's. Seeyez.

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 2, 2008 10:30 AM

Posted by: blueblueyes at September 1, 2008 3:45 PM........................
Thanks for the comments.....I have noticed in this thread discussion about the reasons why people accept or reject others of the other sex for dates or life partners
.....................In a well reasoned, sensible attitude, this is called "Discernment". However many of us wouldn't be in the situation we are now, if we had learnt this years ago................................I think many of us are rather at a loss how some people make their life partner selection decisions....particularly when you read of what they consider to be of vital significance.
Reading some profiles I notice many comments about ,"what they don't want", just as much as what they do want.Issues like smoking/heavy drinkers/ gamblers etc can be mentioned in a short line. Most here are damaged to a more or lesser degree, does it make sense to advertise this??
I remember my dear old Grandmother telling me, "you get more out of life using honey rather than vinegar." I think it would safe to say many of us could sing the he/she done me wrong song...treat this as a journey of discovery,unfortunately not everything works out for the best, but we get over it and get going again...what dos'nt kill us makes us stronger...

Posted by: blueblueyes at September 2, 2008 10:11 AM

( Surnames come and go but first names are there forever. Ha Ha how shallow does that sound. Posted by: iaminperth at September 1, 2008 8:35 PM )
Perthi .. I have been married and divorced 3 times in my life and now have the determination to carry that birth name with me to the grave. It is no longer neccessary to change your name when you marry .. and why should you ? In Europe the woman's surname is used alongside her husbands name. In some instances a man can take his wife's name. My kids were registered at birth with my surname after their first and second names. My daughter dropped her Father's surname by deed poll at age 18 .. which says a lot I think!! I believe even my son did that too before he got married last year! :-)

Auntykaz, I found myself nodding and smiling a lot over your list. I too try to live by the DO NO HARM philosophy. I'ts who I am!
:-)

Posted by: waternymph47 at September 2, 2008 10:10 AM

hey like the new kissy things specially the "Hi" I can let people see who I am now without having the girls especially wonder what I am doing. Its interesting when you blog on here, you see lots of different people looking to see who you are. I have always done the same myself - sorry I have no visible picture because of what I do for a living - Plus don't want to scare the public toooo much lol

Posted by: lovetolaugh57 at September 2, 2008 10:05 AM

Kaz: PS: If he hides in the shed with beer, and needs to be drunk to get amorous, he's just not into you. Good riddance!

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 2, 2008 10:01 AM

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 2, 2008 9:44 AM

TW, I can get home at on a Friday after work at 6pm, shower, dress, clean the house... and create a banquet for 12 people in just under 45 minutes flat...as you know ;)

It can be done, if one is skilled.

Kaz ....I LOVE my morter and pestle and LOVE your list, it was very honest. TY for sharing....

Posted by: starryeyez at September 2, 2008 9:54 AM

Well, these comments are keeping me quite amused.

I looked at Drone's profile yesterday...didn't see anything I thought shouldn't be in there. Nothing wrong with the picture either..I actually thought the glasses added character (just my opinion).

You know, even my friends seem to be 'experts' in profiling. Apparently I should be 'marketing' myself better...."you can't say you're 10kgs overweight, people will think you can't fit in an aeroplane seat." The BEST one was "everyone lies...get in there and change the WHOLE thing."

LOLOLOLOL So Drone...pay no attention to those who don't like your glasses or your haircut...at least in your case your entire profile isn't "hopeless.".....Friends...ya gotta love 'em.

Posted by: okamhere at September 2, 2008 9:53 AM

well done woody, I hope TW hears you.

Relationships are anything but running a business, running anything really. They are messy and confusing and totally unique with constantly changing 'rules' being about the only rule that is constant.

Lightening up, being curious about an individual, getting to know a relationship for its uniqeness, that is a start as to what it is all about. Facing that there are no guarantees, not at the start, not during the progression, not anytime if the realtionship is really worthwhile - that is what being involved in a relationship is about.

My son has been with his wife for 17 years now, his first love, and I would wager they will be together forever. I asked him a few weeks ago how he did it, how he managed a relationship with such permanency. He looked at me curiously and a little surprised and said "Mum, I don't think of it like that. I know that every day she could choose to leave me if she wanted to so every day I try to make her want to stay. I don't ever take her for granted and I hope I never will."

I guess somewhere along the line I must have done something right as a mother...and it is delightful to see the love they have for each other, how that love has survived through some really hard times, and how happy my grandkids are, taking for granted that their parents are a permanent feature in their lives. I guess because my son and daughter-in-law don't take each other for granted, their kids can.

They teach me about love more than anything else in life ever does.

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at September 2, 2008 9:52 AM

Kaz at 11.31pm: Not hijacking your earlier list, Kaz. Supporting most of it, except the laborious preparation of complicated dishes, which I see as more appropriate for the time-rich unemployed or retired, than for people workig 40+ hours a week.

And I'm right behind your list this morning.

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 2, 2008 9:44 AM

Ken, I know my body, work in medical, work in an area that deals with sexuality and includes sexual functioning and ageing, am well read on the latest research in the area......and see a distorting voyeur for what he is. To discuss women's genitalia in such terms is highly objectionable. At least you have exposed yourself very publically for the state of your mind.

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at September 2, 2008 9:40 AM

Posted by: blueblueyes at September 2, 2008 9:07 AM

Hahhahaahah...KEN...what the??

Poor Ken, he is now having fantasies about KGB chicks, coming to do their Kegels at his front door...oh myyyyyy...and a threesome at that !!!!

Posted by: starryeyez at September 2, 2008 9:32 AM

Posted by: drone at September 1, 2008 11:11 PM

So do I Drone...so do I ...

As I said in the other Blog, I am NOT in a rush. I have been blessed with 2 good men. As most bloggers know on here, I've only had 2 intimate relationships in my life. One of 15 years (married for 13) and one of 8 years. That's 23 good years. So hopefully relationship number 3 is just around the corner....but if it's not, that's ok.

I don't mind waiting.

Posted by: starryeyez at September 2, 2008 9:28 AM

Ken, you haven't a clue about women's bodies and ageing....and goodness only knows how your descriptive post on women's genitalia got past the moderator...... but you are so far away from the truth, it is not funny - gross, but not funny

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at September 1, 2008 5:31 PM..................................
espritlibrefemme it is a shame we should meet on such poor terms, but,I am not going to enter into a slanging match. However, the next time you go to a Doctor or chemist, pick up a pamphlet about this condition, and become more aware... .denials do not alter facts...however inconvenient or objectionable they may be.
Ken

Posted by: blueblueyes at September 2, 2008 9:20 AM

timewarper - you seem to view dating and having a relationship like running a business. It's not.

Posted by: woodnwine at September 2, 2008 9:07 AM

There are heavy set women, in their 60's, that can probably strangle your pesky little garden snake...LOL Posted by: starryeyez at September 1, 2008 7:26 PM O Starryeyes thank you for your comment.... .I have a vision of, (can they be 2 KGB Lady operatives in trench coats??) who knock on my door and say in their husky thick accents, "ve haf had reports of your pesky little garden snake, and ve haf come to strangle it..you know it is against the law to haf pesky little garden snakes ... .restistance is futile...ve haf our ways...""ve can do it the hard way, or the easy way...resistance is futile." I have some questions... 1. will they have clothes on under their trench coats? 2. will they bring their own music? I don't know what is currently on the top 40 in Russia. 3. Can you give a time when they will be there? I'll take the phone off the hook, and make sure I am home.Will they bring their own Vodka?? otherwise I'll get a crate. 4.Having been strictly monogamous in the past, I am straying into new territory with a FFM 3 some, would they be interested in a "friends with benefits" arrangement??? or we could contact them and let them know when I have another pesky little garden snake to take care of....it does happen on a very regular basis..I am pretty flexible.. 5 If I don't resist, can we do this without handcuffs and blindfolds?? I promise not to cry and tell.............................................. I have just fallen out of my chair laughing... .ooooh think I've broken my mouse.....and I think I've lost something...yes I know..it's my sanity...

Posted by: blueblueyes at September 2, 2008 9:07 AM

Morning all. It's very quiet in the sandpit this morning. I will rake it over and prepare it for todays play. Love Gordon.

Posted by: gordon1951 at September 2, 2008 8:54 AM

kaz, you go girl, I for one fully supprt what you are saying, and can soo identify with you as I am sure many other do to...male or female.... yes males toooo.....it is a 2 way street and we have all met the good and bad in both sexes....unfortunately I can only right from my POV as I don't date women, so my experiences are with men!!!! have a nice day all....jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at September 2, 2008 8:35 AM

I agree with ELF and Lynath whole heartedly. I have always stated in my profile also that also. I do think that some men misunderstand what it means though. It doesn't mean a part time relationship, but it does mean having respect for each others space and giving encouragement to maintain ones interests and identity. I believe by doing so both parties can continue to grow with each other.

When I say I am looking for a good friend and companion, it doesn't mean I don't want intimacy, it just means that friendship and companionship in a relationship is important to me.

Of course I want an exclusive, long term and committed relationship and I hope I meet someone who wants the same and who doesn't think it necessary to be joined at the hip. Surely the greatest love two can give each other is the trust and respect to give each other wings?

Posted by: aquamanda56 at September 2, 2008 8:31 AM

Posted by: woodnwine at September 1, 2008 7:57 PM
Ladies - what is it that you want that you actually think we can deliver? Is there anything that would actually make you completely happy?

Oooohhhh YES!!!! LOL

Posted by: starryeyez at September 1, 2008 7:26 PM
There are heavy set women, in their 60's, that can probably strangle your pesky little garden snake...LOL

Nice one, Love it......

Posted by: maestrac at September 2, 2008 1:34 AM

Well I can't see how its ever possible for a guy to get over women's endless high jumps and through the front door to start anything at all. Women have always seemed to complain about "where are the decent men etc" but don't do a whole lot to assist themselves. Still today with so many women their idea of making themselves accessible or available is to stand within earshot of someone they think is nice and trust he'll be mesmerised by her beauty and wander over, or, in a crowded darkened bar to shoot a milli-second glance. Is the guy to arrogantly assume that any woman standing within a metre is there because of his smoldering looks and strong jaw line or any women glancing for a second in his general direction is doing so for the same reason and not looking for the loo or where her drinks might be coming from the bar. etc. When will they get out of medieval times, off their pedestal and come and say hello like normal people? And what are guys to make of girls on RSVP who state "I don't do stamps" or after sending a kiss the best they can do when having succeeded and the guy responds with a "hi, look forward to yr email" or the like , is to sit back & do nothing and make things about the effort a bloke puts in? Nuts I say. It seems women can't resist creating a maze and then scratch their heads about the result.

Posted by: stuart31 at September 2, 2008 12:59 AM

TLD at 10.28: I'm afraid I don't completely understand you.

"you are categorising and sorting women on the basis of how they look to you"

Who doesn't include that as one factor in their thinking? I have a number of other criteria for the initial decision whether to send a kiss.

These start with what I call "veto factors." These lead to immediate culling, ie. no kiss.

In order of importance, for me they actually are:

* only separated
* smoker
* admitted "regular" drinker
* no kids ever
* obvious illiteracy. I'm looking for my match, for Eros' sake!
* excessive slimness or obesity. Turned off equally by the extreme tails at both ends of the bell-shaped curve.
* Only No. 7: looks that I don't want to see in 3D, even once. Usually to do with the apparent character, including hints from how the mouth is held, posture, clothes etc. Very rarely to do with facial beauty or lack thereof.

Then I look for reciprocal veto factors. I DON'T waste my time if she SAYS she wants

* noticeably younger, taller and/or slimmer than I am (especially 5 foot, wanting 6 foot +)
* a companion for extended Australian/overseas individual trips, or to be a grey nomad, now or ever. I don't believe in the first on ecological grounds, or the second on sociological grounds.

Then I read the rest of their profile for bum notes/obvious incompatibilities.

Which does NOT include wiping the very good-looking ones. One of them might actually have the manners to say "no thanks" instead of ignoring my kiss, as is usual for them.
...............................................................

You went on " but complaining that women are doing that to you only on the basis that they are beautiful"

Where did I say that? I am also knocked back/ignored by some quite plain women, but it's only the pretty ones with the wineglass in their hand that are almost guaranteed to do so.
.........................................................

"and therefore should be punished in some way."

You must have a long memory. Long ago, well before Xmas, I suggested that people could be encouraged to actually knock back the ones they wanted not to encourage, by preventing them from saying "email please', if they still had older incoming kisses that they hadn't replied to.

Which I saw as social engineering, not punishment.

But that was before the Sisters had persuaded me last year that most people here do not have my level of concern for the feelings of other humans, and I should get used to it. Which I have. I now use it as a useful early warning system.
......................................................

"so called beautiful people do not automatically sail through life."

Of course there are exceptions to every trend, but they don't abnegate the presence of the trend.

Good morning all. Even my bedtime soon.

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 2, 2008 12:11 AM

And may l just say in closing, ELF, hear hear..........K

Posted by: auntykaz at September 1, 2008 11:45 PM

Timewarp, you are not hijacking my wishlist...... it is mine and l really don't care who agrees with it or otherwise objects.....It is my turn to hog the blog inches for a change.......

Ponder my musings as you will, and note that physical stuff was not incorporated, but if you insist!

l would rather spend time on the couch with my man than have him sitting in his garage smoking, drinking beer and listening to bogan eighties crap...... as distinct from good eighties music..... there was a difference......
Anyway, back to the couch.....
Spending time just enjoying each others company, maybe sharing a glass of red wine together, unwinding after our day.....
Making a meal together and eating it together, rather than eating it alone like l did for quite some years.
Going out together to enjoy an outing and NOT be the designated taxi driver on the way home, now wouldn't that be good!

And the nitty gritty..... yeah you know you want to hear it.......that old brewers droop, it really does exist, know what l mean??
Oh to have a partner, husband, whatever, who can actually make love while sober.......

The best thing l EVER did in my life was to get the man that had been IN my life for far too long OUT of it!!!
You see, it isn't only you guys that have shit marriages you know, they exist for ALL of us.......male and female..... Now, l won't go as far as naming my ex, and the name that l commonly refer to him is unprintable here. Get my drift??

But.....and here is the thing.......We WANT to have something better than what we had.
(Apologies to those who have been widowed, male and female, l am not refering to you here.)

We WANT to believe that we can still enjoy a great relationship with a partner that will be mutually enjoyable and mutually satisfying on every level.

Does it exist? Can it exist? Well god l truly hope so, but if it doesn't l am not going to generalise and say, come on guys what do you want, are you willing to be in a relationship, do you want to be wanted, needed, so achingly, that it hurts.

I will just live and enjoy my life the way l do now. Yes there will be something missing, but l can cope with that. I would prefer not to, but l can. I won't settle for someone that is not for me in every way...............K

Posted by: auntykaz at September 1, 2008 11:31 PM

And also drone is extremely caring with excellent manners.

Posted by: iaminperth at September 1, 2008 11:28 PM

Posted by: starryeyez at September 1, 2008 10:50 PM:
"As far as you giving me advice....ummmm..I have not asked, nor do I need your help on tweaking my profile. I am extremely happy with it...and have an abundance of RSVP contact, that will be keeping me busy for years to come...LOL..."
Well, that's good to hear.

Given all those contacts, I hope it won't take you years to find someone that will take you off the site.

Posted by: drone at September 1, 2008 11:11 PM

that last post was meant toward softfeather not starryeyes, sorry got messed up with the names

Posted by: yoshi84 at September 1, 2008 11:08 PM

Staryeyez, thankyou for the comments, greatly appreciated, im just unsure what it is that youre meaning by -
Please search for a site to lift your spirit, not dampen or damage your true self.
but if youre meaning try to stay true to myself and my beleifs and allways look for the best in things then dont worry, i allready am, even when the glass appears half full i try and look for a way to make it look fuller, try looking from the down side of things to the upside... sure it looks further away to get somewhere though you know with carefull movement you can allways succeed and move past that wall.
am i half hitting the nail on the head with what you were saying?

Posted by: yoshi84 at September 1, 2008 11:06 PM

drone at 10:24 PM: I'm lucky. Only need glasses for computer, which cost me $130 because with the long hours, I need real ones that correct for astigmatism too.

For reading phonebook and close work I use 2.5 ones from the chemist. About $25. And they both look like whatever they look like, so as to frighten off people who judge you by what your glasses look like.

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 1, 2008 11:03 PM

Hi and thanks to all who are joining in "the truth revealed"
The only problem I have with writing these posts is that they could be disillusioning for people starting out for the first time. I would not want to be responsible for spoiling the magic of those entering a permanent relationship for the first time.

As a few people have said here it is so different for those who are seeking partners at this stage of life.

Woodnwine, over and over we women have said that we want a relationship with a man. but most of us have revealed that what we seek is definitely not the same as the first time around. Why can't you accept that? You are always wistful about not finding a relationship but you don't seem to be able to accept that you could have a great one if you are willing to change a bit too.

As ELF said a less than 24 hours a day relationship can still be a very committed one and a very real one and with more hope of survival than most.

Timewarp a "separate space" yet committed relationship is not 'try before you buy" but seems sensible to me. It solves and removes all fears and obstacles that I can think of when two people with past lives and responsibilities meet. The romance factor is more likely to remain very high. Familiarity breeds contempt after all.

Reality at this mid age is getting in the way of fantasy I would say.

The bigger picture is that life is not just all about the couple in the relationship. If that was the case things would be simple.

Midlife we have children still a big part and some people grandchildren(not me they wouldn't dare make me a granny, yet!) and often elderly parents to care for.

I can see it now...open fire, red wine Shawshank ready and Nanna visiting ,sitting on the couch talking about it being a school night.....

Kaz,I agree ..no more electrical appliances!

Hi Malsie!

Posted by: thelynathdiary at September 1, 2008 11:03 PM

Girls, wait til Drone gets his new pictures up...you will be pleasantly surprised........K

Posted by: auntykaz at September 1, 2008 11:01 PM

Posted by: starryeyez at September 1, 2008 10:50 PM:
Actually, that is not really right.

I never asked for advice about my profile at all.

I said I was getting a low response rate, and asked whether that is typical, and wondered if it was worth the time I was spending on here.

People then *assumed* that I was asking for advice about my profile, and then other people assumed from comments (by the initial assumers) about my profile that I was asking for advice about my profile, and it snowballed.

I didn't actually mind fielding the advice for the most part, so I was reasonably quiet about it.

So, no, I didn't (as far as I can remember) actually ask for advice about my profile.

Posted by: drone at September 1, 2008 11:01 PM

Grego
And intelligent and a muso.

Posted by: tassiedude1 at September 1, 2008 10:57 PM

Grego...and have I said any different? I can see he is a nice looking guy...and if you scroll down, I even said so in my post!!

Posted by: starryeyez at September 1, 2008 10:53 PM

Posted by: yoshi84 at September 1, 2008 7:47 PM. Hi Yoshie84. I read your post & instantly felt a connection. I'm in the Senior Earth Mama Demographics, other wise know as "past used by date" :) I wish to say to you if you were going out with my daughter I would be at peace. Your words are with a stated with a conviction of a person with true integrity. As a parent I would be so proud to be the Earth Mother of a young man with your character. As an elder of our society I'm filled with joy to know there are young men who hold the values you display. Your post comes from your heart. Yoshi hold your beliefs, stand firm & quietly, open your heart & a true partner will be attracted to the gentle & loving man you are.. PS. Please search for a site to lift your spirit, not dampen or damage your true self. Gentle blessings Softfeather.

Posted by: softfeather at September 1, 2008 10:52 PM

Posted by: grego7 at September 1, 2008 10:38 PM:
"Starryeyes &MT, in real life drone is quite a good looking *if slightly unfashionable-looking* bloke."

Corrected for accuracy, lol... :)

Posted by: drone at September 1, 2008 10:51 PM

Posted by: drone at September 1, 2008 10:24 PM

Drone I understand what you are saying. But YOU are the one that asked for advice about your profile....you asked the help of your fellow bloggers...and it was given to you. If MT's wording, phrasing was not to your liking, that's just what happens on forums.

As far as you giving me advice....ummmm..I have not asked, nor do I need your help on tweaking my profile. I am extremely happy with it...and have an abundance of RSVP contact, that will be keeping me busy for years to come...LOL...

Posted by: starryeyez at September 1, 2008 10:50 PM

kaz at 10:14 PM: No thanks. I'd rather embrace a woman than a mortar and pestle.

If I want foods cooked with a dozen carefully-blended exotic spices freshly ground, I'll go to an ethnic restaurant, and delegate the washing up too.

Finances permitting, I try to eat out 2 or 3 nights a week, and don't order what I can cook at home in 20 mins (my limit for preparing a meal - got other things to do with my valuable time. Like blogging half the day....)

But until the curry powder bit, I was right with you, Kaz. 100%. Especially the people of either gender who haven't had (or adopted or fostered) kids. Next!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 1, 2008 10:48 PM

hi if there's a man drought I'm here to put my hand up to help end it for one lady i have a good job my own teeth i treat people as equal so don't be shy ladies make the first move cheers

Posted by: alistair2 at September 1, 2008 10:46 PM

Posted by: starryeyez at September 1, 2008 9:30 PM

Starryeyes &MT, in real life drone is quite a good looking bloke. Whoops, sorry drone, not allowed to use those sort of terms. Let me rephrase. In real life, drone, is quite a good looking man. And is also a nice bloke.
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at September 1, 2008 10:38 PM

grego7 at 9:50 PM: My son's godmother in her 40s married a just-retired Norwegian ship's captain that she'd met in a bar in Townsville. Her first, his second.

When they came to Brisbane for him to meet us, he saw I had a Volvo 144. (Towed the trailer with 6 kayaks, when I was a scout leader, and delivered 130kg cartons to customers.)

"Thot'a a vorry good car" he said "You won't freeze to death in her!" Hmmm.....

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 1, 2008 10:33 PM

Timewarp,
yes I am stirring you up. Although I can see how you work and you have explained your reasoning ,it still seems you can't see that you are categorising and sorting women on the basis of how they look to you, but complaining that women are doing that to you only on the basis that they are beautiful and therefore should be punished in some way.
I am saying that your idea of beautiful and someone else's will be different and that people get rejected for all sorts of reasons and that so called beautiful people do not automatically sail through life.

Posted by: thelynathdiary at September 1, 2008 10:28 PM

Regarding post by drone at 9.15pm: I have had that exact same problem on this chat site. I have said things with my sense of humour and it hasnt been taken that way at all. Unfortunately computers do not convey the emotions of the writer. I have learnt the hard way, and now I use emoticons or abbreviatons to get my point across, but it can still be frustrating when things are read entirely different to what you meant. By the way I found no problem with your profile, your hair or glasses. I think the quirky independant style is cool. It says you follow your own way, not what current popular trends say so. I would of sent you a kiss,lol, but your profile says only slim or athletic women,lol. Refer my comments from previous days. Whether you would have responded, well thats another matter entirely...and besides your looking for a Melbourne gal. Is it ok to use the term gal now?

Posted by: missgentle at September 1, 2008 10:24 PM

Posted by: starryeyez at September 1, 2008 9:30 PM:

None of this has to do with the content of what is said. It is more to do with *how* it is said. Yes, the specs I have now might look bad in the current climate, and really out of date. I understand that.

I could look at your profile, and tell you what I think you should do to attract men, but I think it would be rude, and completely out of order, yes?

For me, glasses cost $700 a pop. Not a fashion accessory. The frames I am now wearing are hostages of fashion. Really, if you want to buy glasses, at any time, you have a choice of stuff that mostly looks the same (i.e., whatever is fashionable at the time), and as we know, fashions change regularly.

There is no way I am spending $700 every couple of years just to keep up with the Joneses. That way lies madness in life. That is the path in life that leads to me spending heaps of money on clothes, when the only reason I would be doing that has to do with women, when it is not something that interests me that much in life. And, honestly, that is not sufficient reason.

Each of us only has only so much disposable income, and we should use it in ways that please and interest us, insofar as we can.

Posted by: drone at September 1, 2008 10:24 PM

Posted by: malsie at September 1, 2008 8:04 PM

Malsie, I waited around for my mate to turn up and he eventaully did at 4pm which by then was too late. Would like to have heard Rod's music though. But I now have a good excuse to visit the Apple Isle.
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at September 1, 2008 10:24 PM

Ladies - can I just ask ..... do you actually want a relationship with a man? A real, full time relationship. One where you involve him in your life.

Posted by: woodnwine at September 1, 2008 8:20 PM

What do women want WnW?? Isn't that what you are really asking????

Okay, l will take a different tack and explain what l don't want...and why.... This may take a while, folks, pop the kettle on for me won't you, and make me a nice cup of tea... White, strong, no sugar........

I do not like alcoholics. I was married to one and the crap l put up with was enough to drive me to drinking holy water!

Men who have not had children. I don't care what anyone says, if you have not had your own you do not understand. Nothing will make me change my mind on that score. Not going to argue the point with anyone, it is my view and mine alone.

A man who doesn't like to share tasks, chores whatever you want to call it. If l can work a full day and come home to do stuff around the house, so can he!

A man who thinks that it is okay to buy an electric frying pan or clothes dryer as a birthday present. If l ever get an electrical appliance again for my birthday l will scream so loud that the Queen of England will hear it!

A man who thinks that flowers are a waste of time and money...... they are beautiful, simply put, flowers put a sparkle in my day.

Someone who likes Billy Idol..... l mean, WTF, boganville!!!

Someone who thinks that curry powder is the be all and end all of spice. Embrace the mortar and pestle, l say!!!

Someone who likes the following. Meatloaf. (the food, not the singer), Brussels Sprouts, Curried Sausages. Not my fave foods at all.

Now l know that this wishlist is probably a little silly, but you know what?? l don't care.... l am a little bit over men here telling us what we should want, that there are plenty of guys out there blah blah blah.... You know what fellas?? It goes both ways!!!

We get that some of you have been done wrong by..... SO HAVE WE.
We get that a lot of you are probably decent people..... SO ARE WE.
We get that we can be confusing... SO CAN YOU......

WnW you can turn your question around to some of the men on this site too, you know................K

Posted by: auntykaz at September 1, 2008 10:14 PM

timewarp1 thanks for taking the time to give some tips and pointers, yes i know i dont have any great photos up at the moment but i was in the process of getting some better ones and i messed up and deleted my main photo by mistake... allthought it wasnt a great one anyway... ive actually had a few people click onto my profile since i deleted it thought, whereas before for months id had not one person click on it.
As for the playing sport bit, yes id like to take something up but im not sure which sport id like to do or how to go about getting into one that id enjoy, im trying to break into a new group of freinds as old groups i used to be around were heading nowhere and im most of the way out of that group now, just one or two left that i might keep contact with if they start getting their act together... so that sort of puts going into sport with old freinds out of the question. im in a cycle at the moment i guess you could say, cleaning out the bad, trying to bring in the new... kind of a lifestyle change again i guess, but thankyou once again for your thoughts on how i may improve my profile. Im sure in time ill find someone nice, im not after one of those drop dead georgous supermodel women... im after the personality of someone that i can relate to and love rather than a magazine model thats hiding behind 10 pounds of makeup

Posted by: yoshi84 at September 1, 2008 10:06 PM

lynath @ 8.47 pm - yes, I remember all those tales well and most entertaining they were too....

Posted by: malsie at September 1, 2008 9:59 PM

Posted by: laughsandtalks at September 1, 2008 3:45 PM

Marcus, I think we can be agreed that any woman is better than a Volvo.
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at September 1, 2008 9:50 PM

woody I am sorry that I disappoint you but I think you, and TW, aren't hearing me. What I am saying is that far too often people seem to be approaching a desire for a relationship without asking themselves WHAT they hope such a relationship will achieve for them, that is, the MOTIVE behind the desire.

What the posts here have shown, wonderfully honestly, is that the romantic facade of "I want to be loved, to be with one and only one" is NOT necessarily what we ladies of the 50+ bracket are truly, solely looking for. If we were, we would take (any?) love when offered, and take being in a singular relationship as THE GOAL OF ITSELF. But it isn't is it? And that is what I am challenging here...

We have been socialised into some form of belief that we OUGHT TO want to be one half of a coupling, but WHY? What deeply held desire does that fulfil, and is it enough to COMPETE with the fears of loss of freedom, solitude, autonomy of decision-making, etc.

You see, I think each and every one of us on here has to ask WHY desire an exclusive relationship, potentially for life?

We have either all gotten it wrong at least once, or avoided involvement for a very long time, so maybe our fantasies are HARMFUL and so require challenging. Because if we don't challenge them, reality will hit, the fantasy of romance will give way to the reality of everyday and the future.

In relationships, we GIVE UP as well as gain. We sort of traded that as ok when it was to build a home, have and raise a family, build wealth together, but at our time of life we aren't looking at doing those things, in the main. In fact we may be looking at giving up a home, taking on someone else's family, losing hard-earned wealth....and so we really need to be clear and honest to ourselves as to what we are gaining. If we don't, the reality hits moment could be yet more heartache.

Maybe, just maybe at our ages we want physical companionship, even sexual intimacy, as transient more than permanency. Maybe 'romance' is not truly the desire that drives. But we do need to challenge and ask why we are looking, and what for.

I think our early adulthood fantasies regarding partner-seeking are redundant at this stage of our lives and we need to explore new fantasies, ones that have a better chance of matching reality and leading to long-term happiness in our ageing futures.

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at September 1, 2008 9:46 PM

Posted by: woodnwine @ 8:20pm - I hope that was a joke. Some of us are extremely sincere and haven't "man bashed" at all, when in fact, there have been both the justification and the opportunity!

Posted by: willow29 at September 1, 2008 9:36 PM

Posted by: aliane at September 1, 2008 3:24 PM - Nice parable...

Posted by: heart2heart57 at September 1, 2008 9:33 PM

Well MT hit the nail on the head. Drone your a grown man, you'll live. The advice MT gave you about haircut and glasses was spot on. I had to double check your first photo, as I originally thought you were wearing a hat with a pom pom on it..lol

You have a good face...decent bone structure....but your glasses ARE doing you an injustice.

Posted by: starryeyez at September 1, 2008 9:30 PM

kurli at 9pm: Sorry that mine at 7.27pm came over as negative to you. I was trying to make a joke, and my comment about using past hurts to protect you from getting a life in the future will obviusly apply equally to both sexes.

About the 27th: I really liked your suggestion about meeting somewhere, before we go on to the noisy Pig by 7.30pm.

Were you thinking only of a drink somewhere quieter for some serious initial talking, or also eating together at about 6pm, to line the gizzard? I'd planned to do that anyway, to escape my own cooking yet another time.

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 1, 2008 9:30 PM

istj54 at September 1, 2008 5:06 PM

You did mention you do your Kegels a while back too, so all good.

Starry, apropo the brutal de fanging of Ken. I was going to try make a witty comment about Boa constrictors being found in the Amazon but couldn't quite get it together...

Lynath. Patience chronicles eh? Now why haven't I been referred to them earlier? Do you think the invisible knicker man's 'master' still lurks? And btw if you wanted to compare I do a pretty respectable goodbye wave from the front porch meself.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at September 1, 2008 9:27 PM

in regard to names...

first name for most situations

terms of endearment from someone close

no patronising "love's" 'dear' or "madam"
from 20 year old sales staff or supposed professionals(mainly because it implies I must be getting on a bit!)

but endearing from someone my Mums age

"babe' from a young guy means "What is he selling?" from an older man whom I haven't met before it sounds a bit like trying to be part of the "act younger than I am" brigade and a bit comical or is he talking about the movie pig?

"Christine!" for when I am in trouble with my Mum......

"Patience" for once anonymous dating stories
"lynath" for getting into to trouble on the blogs"

Posted by: thelynathdiary at September 1, 2008 9:27 PM

Drone.......I was being sincere in both cases.

Anyway,I am off to Kirribili for the night!

Goodnight all,
R

Posted by: musicteacher at September 1, 2008 9:26 PM

Posted by: musicteacher at September 1, 2008 8:31 PM:

See, I guess I was partially reading your post to Waternymph in the light of an earlier post you made to me, which said:

"Drone: Welcome back! You are a pretty clever chap,and i know you haven't asked my opinion but please.........get yourself a decent haircut....your from Melbourne for Christs sake,and some great looking glasses.You have a great head of hair.

I am being sincere.........."

At the time, I took that as a grudging compliment, with some gratuitous advice, which I let go at the time. Completely by coincidence, I have had a haircut recently, and am getting some new spectacles, but I digress...

In general, there's a problem with purely web-based communication in that it tends to be very conversational, and yet, all the nuances that go along with real-life conversation are lost, so it is easy to misread, and to be offended. I've seen it myself on various local webforums I've been involved with...

People don't get along, then they meet in person, then they (more often than not) understand each other properly, and get along.

Posted by: drone at September 1, 2008 9:15 PM

waternymph........that's great news!

(I had spent some time thinking about your post yesterday in response to the Charity event I had been to mainly.........anyway.....I have apologised enough i believe).

Posted by: musicteacher at September 1, 2008 9:03 PM

drone@ 7.42pm:
Thank you for trying to understand my point of view.
I think that today,too many relationships/friendships are REDUCED by mediocrity and gender bias......

looking4missright2@6.40pm.......both you and TW seem to have once again embarked on the next stage of the (so called) Gender War!
O.k. there's been heaps of "done me wrongs" to both genders: Get over it,all of you and try a positive attitude.
Not everyone is out to pull the opposite sex down.........L4mr2......you have your beautiful children.....your assets you say!
okay prove it by cutting out your negativity towards the female sex!OK there are some selfish self centred witches out there........BUT!! what sort of message are you sending to your precious assets.........are you poisoning their future happiness and contentment??
I am not trying to be antagonistic,but rather presenting another side to the debate.

Peace & bliss kisses to you.........:-)

Posted by: kurli at September 1, 2008 9:00 PM

yoshi84 at 7:47 PM: Welcome, and thanks for joining in. It can be disappointing. I had a look at your profile and suggest

1) Display the 2nd photo from the right as your main photo. They say you get 10 times more kisses if you show a photo, without them having to come looking for it. They just don't bother.

Re-take the outdoor one with flash, so it also shows you, preferably closer to the camera. Pitch the rest.

Best of all, get a well-lit new photo that shows that you can smile, and use that as your main one.

2) Start playing some sport. Then you won't sound like a "gunna, sometime."

3) Get a life that's more fun. Till your life is fun, no-one wants to join in.

4) Once you do, start sending out 6 kisses a week to girls who are no better looking than you are, and haven't had any action for over 2 months. They won't be as choosy as the pretty ones, and you'll get some company in the meantime.

Good luck mate.

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 1, 2008 8:56 PM

Marcus me darlin" I have missed your love sonnets.....
But I have posted and often

See the Perils Of Patience in the old blogs
in which Patience met The Dominator(my favourite-specially the bit where he gallantly opened the door completely naked and waved me goodbye)
and When on joining RSVP poor gullible Patience discussed her underwear for three months while giving the benefit of the doubt to an invisible man believing him to be A.shy and scared of meeting or showing his photo on the internet and B unmarried and C real

When Patience went all Art House and scared a man from a conservative town
and Patience and the Cat poo incident.....

When Patience met a man who wanted to convert her to a strict faith

When Patience met the perfect man but let him get away....

Posted by: thelynathdiary at September 1, 2008 8:47 PM

WnW - A very valid point. Ive always been told to respect women, and tought to aswell. But no female i have ever met has made me want to(to be comlpetely honest).

Posted by: metalscott at September 1, 2008 8:43 PM

Thanks Metal, I didn't think I had made a point clearly enough. Some of the nicest and quietest kids I know are covered in tatts and piercings. These are not aggressive or loud kids but some have been hurt badly by their parents actions. I think they are just making a little statement saying this is me and you can accept me as I am or not at all. I have pierced ears and nearly fainted with the pain and I am genuinely curious when I look at the new decorations. I also learn about perceptions from these kids and how they are viewed at times by the general public and, of course, their parents. I don't have tatts or piercings mainly because it would be like another trip to a hairdresser or something and I can't be bothered but I can understand why people do. My daughter has piercings and she loves them, almost like little pets. Weird I think but she's happy and they are very discreet so who am I to object after all I have two holes in my ears.

Posted by: iaminperth at September 1, 2008 8:43 PM

ELF at 5:52 PM and others: I see 3 stages:

1) You've gone exclusive, but sleepovers are few - maybe one or two nights a week.

2) Now together up to 4 or 5 nights a week, but still living officially at two addresses.

3) One sells or rents out his house, and moves in with the other. I reckon that's when you'ved burned your bridges.

But to get to your question - why?

Assuming you both work, I'm guessing stage 1 is mainly for physical reasons.

And that you'd only go to stage 3 if you loved one another enough to feel deprived when apart too long, and that sounds like lurv to me. Been there, done that, and it's the best feeling I've had yet. But I suspect it's not for everybody.

And I see step 2 as being a try-before-you-buy way station. Or in my case, only a woman with a spare quad garage could fit me and my business into her place. So I expect my official address will be here till I can afford to retire.

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 1, 2008 8:36 PM

I use my first name in almost every situation. My surname is just tagged on and I have to spell it everytime it's used. I have a first name, that was given to me at birth and it's mine to use until I leave this planet. Surnames come and go but first names are there forever. Ha Ha how shallow does that sound.

Posted by: iaminperth at September 1, 2008 8:35 PM

Thanks Drone .. and your right I'm not sad and defeated .. despite how MT took it. Perhaps I should have quoted from that other song " I get knocked down but I get up again......"
The song was by Janis Ian TW and I still think it was appropriate to what we were discussing. I used to have it on an LP...which is now in the archives of ALEX FM Radio station in Goolwa SA. I'll visit it while I'm in SA :-)

Actually in the last couple of weeks Ive had several contacts .. turned 3 away as unsuitable(too young etc) I am also regularly emailing one guy and now getting daily phone calls from another who I will meet later this week. there is also one guy who I had a chat to on the phone but he's away now and will just get back before Igo! I also had another dinner date last week with a RSVPer from months back. All that and getting ready for my trip away in 2 weeks ! So no not dreary .. spring has sprung and life is full of possibilities!

Posted by: waternymph47 at September 1, 2008 8:34 PM

Drone........I wasn't in any way trying to offend Waternymph!

I am sorry Waternymph!

Hopefully,she will get the humour as far as the violins are concerned......

Some of waternymphs posts sound sad to me......maybe sad is the wrong word..........maybe i should have just sent her a kiss......but she may have seen that the wrong way too,meaning I was joking.

Anyway,I am sure she will be here to tell me soon.....

Posted by: musicteacher at September 1, 2008 8:31 PM

Ladies - can I just ask ..... do you actually want a relationship with a man? A real, full time relationship. One where you involve him in your life.

Posted by: woodnwine at September 1, 2008 8:20 PM

drone and grego - such a shame you didn't get to make it to the "concert" on Sunday, and so lovely to meet you both (and h2h and Jen) - drone, there will be a couple of photos winging their way to you soon, to use or discard at your whim :)

Posted by: malsie at September 1, 2008 8:04 PM

metalscott - yes, mate it's all about them and the sooner you learn that the better. You can't win so just go with the flow.
Ladies - what is it that you want that you actually think we can deliver? Is there anything that would actually make you completely happy?

Posted by: woodnwine at September 1, 2008 7:57 PM

esprit - you are starting to dissapoint me. Open your mind ...... possibilities are endless.

Posted by: woodnwine at September 1, 2008 7:51 PM

lookin4missright2 at 6:40 PM: Looks like we posted the same good idea at the same time. Go the blokes!

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 1, 2008 7:51 PM

Posted by: musicteacher at September 1, 2008 7:34 PM:

I don't really get the sad and defeated vibe from waternymph, myself. Sure, she may not be from the "always look for the silver lining" brigade, but that's not necessarily a problem.

I'm sure you mean well, but it might be useful to rephrase some of the things you write. Your message below to Waternymph comes across as an insult dressed in honey.

Even if she did sound sad and defeated (which she doesn't), how does your pointing this out help, exactly?

Posted by: drone at September 1, 2008 7:50 PM

As for the man drought im seriously begging to wonder if theres a woman drought in the area im living, theyre all eighther taken, to young, to old, lesbian or just plain have a bad personality that you wouldnt want to go out with. Now im not saying im the best bloke in the plannet, but i try to do right by others, try to help, ive got some oldish fashioned morals which it seems a lot of people these days see as weak points... i like to be the gentleman, but these days... i havent had one lady that likes it anymore... as ive found out later theyve seen me as a weaker person for it. In my eyes i dont beleive there is a drought of eighther males or females, moreso the fact of theres a drought of suitable people for the people that are left without a partner... as i havent been able to find one for a long time... and when i think i have... within a week theyre off cheating with someone or just something plain outright stupid that if you were me... you wouldnt think possible. i dont know why im replying to this thing... i just hate to hear about there being man droughts and things of the such when i know there are good people out there... just it seems in my area... nobody wants someone that does right by them, buys them chocolates... flowers... just trys to be someone nice, it seems as though if you go around bashing people all the women will come flocking... well guess what... if youre the sort of girl that likes them... then good luck to you, if i make sense to any of you... maybe give that nice bloke a try, you might actually be swept off your feet and be wondering why you never tried one before

Posted by: yoshi84 at September 1, 2008 7:47 PM

blueyedblond at 6:35 PM: Ta - that made it all worthwhile!

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 1, 2008 7:47 PM

Timewarp: I think it is by Joan Biaz?

Posted by: musicteacher at September 1, 2008 7:44 PM

Ken - I can't read that many words at once .... whoa.

Posted by: woodnwine at September 1, 2008 7:43 PM

Posted by: kurli at September 1, 2008 4:38 PM:

I agree with you entirely. When I think of the male analogues of "babe", well, I wouldn't want to be called any of them by a casual acquaintance.

Posted by: drone at September 1, 2008 7:42 PM

starryeyez at 7:26 PM: Loved it, especially the bit about the ladies with boa constrictors.

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 1, 2008 7:39 PM

Hi Waternymph!

I just looked at your profile(you have changed photos) and I like what you say.I noticed you live in Newcastle so maybe you can come to the Sydney meeting on the 27th.

Please don't take this the wrong way....but sometimes I want to get out the violins when you write.......sometimes you sound sad,and defeated.......and surely you are being modest,because you look great for a 60 year old woman.I jnow that what I say to you won't make any difference...but here it goes.....

You have obviously been through a hard time with your husbands and feel ripped off,and maybe you were a happier person before this happened.Surely you know that millions of people have been through emotionally damaging marriages and relationships........my first husband slept with my best friend,in my house for example.

You are sensitive are you not......an artist of sorts.a poet.Of course it's going to be able to find someone like you.....but you will,a kindred spirit.

I hope i have not upset you,it is not my intention! and if I feel I hear violins again,it will be me who sends you to the naughty corner!!!!

Have a good night!
Rodna

Posted by: musicteacher at September 1, 2008 7:34 PM

waternymph47 at 6:44 PM: Just love that song - name and performer please?

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 1, 2008 7:32 PM

metalscott at 6:31 PM: Such a good point.
The best cover for their agression is "A man hit me first - right here in the grandmother."

The Class War seems to have morphed into the Gender War and expanded.

Gotta have something in the distant past to focus on hating, in case you might get a life, in the present or future.

A type of Motivation to Avoid Failure, I believe. (You can't fail, if you didn't actually try to pass ....)

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 1, 2008 7:27 PM

Posted by: tassiedude1 at September 1, 2008 5:46 PM:

I really enjoyed meeting you too, and I hope it won't be the last time. :)

By the way, I've listened to your CD a couple of times now, and I reckon it is really good. I'll get back to you privately with more thoughts about it after I've listened to it a couple more times.

Posted by: drone at September 1, 2008 7:26 PM

Posted by: thelynathdiary at September 1, 2008 2:27 PM

Thank you Lynath for sharing your story. You are a classy lady and a survivor.

Posted by: blueblueyes at September 1, 2008 3:45 PM

Ken not really sure, where your post was going, or is going. Your thought process seems scrambled to say the least

Also what has the Tantric learnings, have to do with anything, on this topic???

There are heavy set women, in their 60's, that can probably strangle your pesky little garden snake...LOL

Posted by: starryeyez at September 1, 2008 7:26 PM

Posted by: blueblueyes at September 1, 2008 3:45 PM:
"When you read some of the profiles, you can get an indication of the public facade. It is not until you meet up, to find out how much truth there is in the profile. After awhile you get to know what to look for...there is a “speak�, like in the dubious Real Estate adds selling houses. After all, we are selling ourselves, seeking a partner."

Yes, I suppose we are selling ourselves...

But when the majority of profilers have this "selling themselves" mentality, then what is left that is interesting?

It's pretty obvious that a lot of people are trying to put forward the best possible picture, and all of us are probably flawed and virtuous in equal measure (well, OK, some in more equal measure than others).

Every now and then I see a profile that is not putting *everything* in the best possible light. Those profiles stand out to me as being more interesting than the rank and file of people following Marketing 101. It actually sounds like there could be a human being at the other side of the terminal.

Posted by: drone at September 1, 2008 7:21 PM

For those out there who think having a partner will solve all their worries think again. It won't change the inner you. There are no guarantees in life and the idea of finding someone to spend old age with is risky too. It is far better to continue to create your own life and interests and friends and have a fantastic time with them, than to sit around waiting to find the one person who you think will magically create this life for you. Having own interests and friends and own social life(and keeping it even when in a partnership) insulates a person against the imapct of any time of loss and against depression and insures you are actually making the most of life and have high self esteem.""

Posted by: thelynathdiary at September 1, 2008 2:27 PM

esprit and lynath, you have both posted intelligent and thoughtful posts today, and I sincerely agree with both of you. I am independant, have been divorced, have kids, a good career etc etc and I want a man to share my life, not take over or control or tell me what to do, not live on top of me all the time but to share as equals. SHARE is the word to take notice of.

Re the nic names I have a close male friend who always greets me as Hey Babe or Gidday Gorgeous...and I like it....if I get my name I know he isn't in a good mood!!!!! Another one always calls me darling...these are all terms of endearment and I for one luv it........just my thoughts...jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at September 1, 2008 7:17 PM

Marcus, don't be so sizzling......
Smell the roses, dear, it is the first day of that fabulous month, September...........K

Posted by: auntykaz at September 1, 2008 7:08 PM

blueyedblond at 6:25 PM:

1) Irresponsibly escaping from my less-urgent in-tray for most of today, ma'am, in between servicing 4 or 5 blow-in customers (via the phone). Interested in what people were saying today, and chose to respond.

2) Like many authors, I tend face to face to be mainly an enthusiastic listener. Don't expect any different on the 27th.

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 1, 2008 7:07 PM

Perth- i understand what you mean now, i wasnt quite there,lol. But i can see how it would be offensive.

Posted by: metalscott at September 1, 2008 7:04 PM

drone at September 1, 2008 3:46 PM
Lynathdairy writes beautiful posts filled with gentle humour and insight from the past. Hopefully one day she will regale us with thoughts from a contemporary dating story.
Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at September 1, 2008 6:52 PM

laughsandtalks at 5:05 PM: Yay Marcus!

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 1, 2008 6:52 PM

blueblueyes September 1, 2008 3:45 PM
I enjoyed that post Ken and the 'eggshell blonde' quip in your profile.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at September 1, 2008 6:47 PM

Thelynathdiary....I'm with you with, I fully understand your heartbroken of lost love, we have similar situation, only the difference is my blood families and overseas friends supported me during my down-fall. I struggle hard enough before I accomplished my achievement. The last paragraphed of your love story is something makes me think carefully of my plans. So hard to compromise now a days, though sometimes hardly to avoid being pessimistic.. not because we're losing self-esteem.. but the reality as we lived-in today in these society, so delicate and unpredictable in building closeness relationship, whether we like it or not, need to expect both ways. Just go with the flow...you might find something interesting on the way...same thing I do.

---------------------------------------------------------

Hi Istj54....I'm glad to see you around....mwah..my greetings to you !

Posted by: aliane at September 1, 2008 6:47 PM

Re Beautiful(onthe outside) people:
{They have all the choice in the world. So they'd need to have very low self esteem to AVOID thinking that there's a long queue at their door. Tell me when that won't lead to complacency, and the attitude that men are expendable replaceable resources, to mine and then move on from?
Posted by: timewarp1 at September 1, 2008 3:04 PM }
I agree TW and it works both ways. If I send a kiss to an attractive man he more than likely won't even bother to answer or even look at my profile and send a "Thanks but no thanks"! I even have spent a stamp and emailed a guy recently as I thought we had so much in common .. not even aknowledged! like the song:
" I learned the truth at seventeen that love was made for beauty Queens and clear skinned girls with perfect smiles who married young and then retired...And those of us with ravaged faces or lacking in the social graces , desperately remained at home, inventing lovers on the phone .. who called to say come dance with me and murmured vague obscenities ........"

Posted by: waternymph47 at September 1, 2008 6:44 PM

What bunkum!
If you want to know where all the so called "eligible" men are ladies, an increasing percentage of us are accepting lone responsibiliity for what was initially a joint responsibility project called our children.
Indeed the admitted female prefered demographic - single male, 6ft.tall, 10 years younger etc. etc.demonstrates the 21st. century phenomenon of 'Female Emancipation'. The latent desire to do to 'You Guys', what you've been doing to 'Us' for centuries.
To whatever percentage of female readers who fall into this catagory, you know who you are, please open your eyes, smell the roses, and realise that two wrongs never make a right.

Posted by: lookin4missright2 at September 1, 2008 6:40 PM

TW. Take two. Wilst I enjoy reading your posts I wonder how you can be bothered or have the time to sit at the computer writing your sequels to War and Peace. I still luv ya tho.

Posted by: blueyedblond at September 1, 2008 6:35 PM

Sure Metal, that's exactly what I meant, in a familiar situation with friends, family any close situation but a stranger [male] and older referring to a very middle aged woman as a chick or babe is very derogatory and pathetic.

Posted by: iaminperth at September 1, 2008 6:32 PM

Lynath, that is an encapsulation of the lives of several here l would think, myself included.....
Thank you for your sensitive and charged post, should be required reading for anyone out of a relationship..............

Now, what to call the middle years woman......
Ya know, l have no problem with babe, honey, lovey, or darl.Or even the randon dear thrown in.
Sheila, chick, bird, bint, nup, not nice, don't like them.
What else is there, Perth??
Besides lady of course.
And the tatt debate...l love em!!! The more obscure the better...................K

Posted by: auntykaz at September 1, 2008 6:31 PM

Kurli - i find the conversation of pet names to be a bit hypocritical really. We havent touched on the fact that men get labeled with phrases like: "Dude" "Bloke" "Guy" and other words along those lines. All the world seems to hear is how women dont like this and dont like that, but when a man stands up and says somthing its not taken seriously on matters such as personal preference. I find it funny how females make up more than 50% of the worlds population but still act as the minority

Posted by: metalscott at September 1, 2008 6:31 PM

TW, whilst I enjoy scanning your posts I wonder how you can be bothered sitting at the computer writing a sequel to War and Peace. I hope we get a word in when we all meet in Brisvegas.

Posted by: blueyedblond at September 1, 2008 6:25 PM

TW, whilst I enjoy scanning your posts I wonder how you can be bothered sit

Posted by: blueyedblond at September 1, 2008 6:23 PM

woody, all relationships are part-time....we sleep in just our own heads....I don't want to be a shadow of someone else's life and would rail against the thought of someone living out their life through me...

Lynath put it forward beautifully, how soul-destroying it can be to be so tied into someone else...and istj has really explained how different it is for women in our age bracket compared to younger times when there was so much space for growing with someone - like in homes, kids, careers, etc...

The real question here for me is what do we want another person FOR?

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at September 1, 2008 5:52 PM

Hi Jen: Thank you and glad you enjoyed the music. I will always have a back stage pass ready for you.

H2H: Thanks for bringing your guitar "axe" along. Had some very nice moments playing music together. Cheers Mate.

Drone: It was very nice to meet you. You are a top bloke and I look forward to listening to some of your music.

Grego, and the others: It was truly inspiring to meet such lovely and wonderful people. You all opened your arms and welcomed me with enthusiasm. Thank you all. It was a pleasure to be in your fine company even if only for a short time.

To everyone else: It may appear otherwise but I am actually a little shy and whilst I do enjoy the attention it does scare me a little. But thank you nonetheless.

On a more serious note: Reading about going back to him/her. It does bother me a little especially when you/they will say all the right words etc and things will be all roses for a little while. But can you imagine your first disagreement/argument. Some of the hurtful things that will be said: like "I knew I made a mistake getting back together with you", or "I would have been better off alone", etc.
Just my opinion but once it's over it's over and maybe it is time to move on. Anyway I may be mistaken.

Finally to all the lovely people who sent me kisses over the weekend. Whilst I stay true to my profile that I am indeed looking for love and wanting to be loved I would warn you to be fairly careful. My inconsistent approach tells me that whilst this little bird would like nothing more than to find a nice comfortable nest to settle in to. It may also be that I would fall from the tree, fly away, and not find my way home.
Maybe it is time to change the profile. I will think on it over the next few days. Then again I hate to think.

Happy first day of spring to all.
Love Rod

Posted by: tassiedude1 at September 1, 2008 5:46 PM

Marcus, thanks for your post on the term-of-endearment 'babe'. How gorgeous when a man says that "Hey babe"....I can still hear my late hubby whispering it in my ear now....sigh....
That's the problem with 'politically correct speak' isn't it, one person's insult is another person's delight! As for tats....my tiny black roses on a couple of small spots on my back are treasures to me, they are delicate and beautiful.

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at September 1, 2008 5:37 PM

Ken, you haven't a clue about women's bodies and ageing....and goodness only knows how your descriptive post on women's genitalia got past the moderator...... but you are so far away from the truth, it is not funny - gross, but not funny

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at September 1, 2008 5:31 PM

Woodnwine...I don't agree with you that just because you don't choose to spend 24/7 with someone that it is just a part-time thing.
Acceptance that we all do have lives, well and truly established by the time we are in our forties and fifties, is essential to then being able to compromise and make room for a relationship...that, to me, is the hardest part of all this later age dating stuff.
When we were young there was a huge chasm just waiting to be filled...now just a small opening...hopefully:))...just re-read that and it sounds like the perfect spot for L&T to slip in a you know what comment:))

Posted by: istj54 at September 1, 2008 5:06 PM

woodnwine September 1, 2008 3:35 PM
More likely a special section for those wanting full timers methinks.

Posted by: laughsandtalks at September 1, 2008 5:05 PM

iaminperth...you have utterly and totally devestated me...for two years I have thought that I had the answer for that niggling worry of what to wear on all those first dates that I seem to have. My answer...wear the same outfit to them all. I never had to think...or iron...I just put on my stretchy, lycraish black, crossover top and black pants and off I went...thinking I looked just right...but not so...oh dear...lucky I am taking a break and can spend afew months doing a rethink:))

Posted by: istj54 at September 1, 2008 4:59 PM

TLD at 2:27pm: Pure gold. Everyone here needs to read it.

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 1, 2008 4:38 PM

thelynathdiary@2.27pm.......I salute your courage in sharing your story!

Your final paragraph re making an active life for yourself,rings very true.......it certainly beats falling into depression and inertia.

metalscott @ 2.30pm:
It may be "fine" for younger women to tolerate 'babe','chick' or even (god forbid )last century's "toots" from a young fellow too lazy to call her by her given name;

BUT----for women of a certain age(mine)........you & other males are showing disrespect. I'd certainly accept pet names from a significant other,but from a casual encounter........NO WAY.
Once again I'm in agreement with perth!

Posted by: kurli at September 1, 2008 4:38 PM

musicteacher at 3.06pm: When I call a woman "mate" that's fraternal - I'm thinking of her as a gender-irrelevant friend or colleague.

And yes, it is too un-gender-specific to suit women who like to flirt with all the men they are in contact with.

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 1, 2008 4:11 PM

Perth at 1:36 PM : Behind the characteristic poopiness, you're teasing me. Ta. I'll overlook the realities of the situation and reply with my tongue in my cheek too:

The stuff I write is often a bit long, and fairly heavy. So like dear Julia Leicester on ABC Classic FM Drive, I drop in a colloqualism now and then, mainly to wake people up before I put them to sleep.

Often including feller, bloke and guy, as well as doll, babe and chick.

But not sheila or bird. metalscott. Too urban for sheila, and too provincial for bird.

BTW, the tattchick with over 75% solid colour from her right wrist to her excellent cleavage was a real looker, but the other one with about 20% colour on both sides and front of legs was more ordinary. A bit older and butch I guessed.

When they walked past outside as I was getting into my car, I noticed they both had no decoration on the back of their legs, from their micro-minis down to their clip-clopping stilettos. A wasted opportunity, I thought.

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 1, 2008 3:57 PM

I met a honeymoon couple in Thailand - from Iman. She had wedding tattoos (henna)all up her legs in an intricate design and she and her tattoos were absolutely gorgeous.

Posted by: willow29 at September 1, 2008 3:57 PM

Posted by: metalscott at September 1, 2008 3:05 PM

Your right about the gothics being a bit hardcore, I ran with at crowd years ago, just do what I do now hangout on the fringes & make your own style

Posted by: outbackdrifter at September 1, 2008 3:55 PM

Timewarp - I enjoy reading you blogs. They get my grey matter working but my speedreading is very poor. I have trouble keeping up with you. Thank you anyway. I avoid the top100 at all costs. Must be the man hidding with those 10 beers. Gordon.

Posted by: gordon1951 at September 1, 2008 3:48 PM

Posted by: thelynathdiary at September 1, 2008 2:27 PM:

What an insightful post that was. Nicely written, too!

Posted by: drone at September 1, 2008 3:46 PM

willow - i agree, its what makes us different from everyone else. I dont personally have to see someone with tattoos, i like females with or without body art, or any body modification. I wouldnt trade my body modifications for anything in the world. having said that though, i know for a fact that my bull ring turns some people off, and im fine with that.
It all comes down to the individual, and their preferences

Posted by: metalscott at September 1, 2008 3:46 PM

Greetings all, I have been out of circulation for a while...so after reading some of the comments in this blog, thought I'd add my 2 cents worth. It is very interesting to read the different points of view.
The comments about what both males and females look for in a potential partner, and their experiences, gives an incite, and an opportunity to learn....also enjoy the “cuter� comments..

When you read some of the profiles, you can get an indication of the public facade. It is not until you meet up, to find out how much truth there is in the profile. After awhile you get to know what to look for...there is a “speak�, like in the dubious Real Estate adds selling houses. After all, we are selling ourselves, seeking a partner. We all have a dream of what we want, but some are soooooooo unrealistic, and some have put no real thought into where or what they want, then complain because they are unhappy. Many of us have difficulty in blowing our own horn, to tell who we really are. Unfortunately we also have the “dodgy�, and the users too. I get the impression that being entertained, pleasure seeking, being in the socially rarefied regions of society, appear to be the uppermost thoughts in their minds. Are these people just shallow self centered hedonists with no other thoughts except self centered gratification? Hey don't get me wrong, I like to enjoy myself too, but it does not rule my life...we need balance here...I wonder how many here belong to a service club, and give regular time and service to their community or fellow man? If “Bull sh*t is the currency and mode of communication, then this definitely makes life that more difficult on the “net�in this mating game. Even using honest intelligent cogent language, still is no guarantee. But I am still an optimist, still believe that there is a Lady who is meant to be.....

With regards to the comments about age of men and our lack of sexual capacity....Firstly this can be right, but it is a generality. Those of us who have been diet and health aware, can still be very active well into our 70's and more. If you follow Tantric knowledge and practice, sex can very beneficial to health and energy. It may not be polite, to comment, but as women age,and if coupled with weight gain, their muscle tone in their sex muscle region become flaccid, may still want to engage in regular sex, but it makes it more difficult for a man to bring them to the heights of satisfaction, or as often. This can be corrected with the appropriate exercise, and very rewarding for you, gives you a stronger big “O�, and more stimulating for your partner. How many women use sex, or the withdrawal of “PRIVELEGES� as a form of control ??? 'tis not a valid form of weaponry Ladies. By the way, it is NOT only aging men that have trouble with a low libido, MANY Ladies (even young ones) suffer from this as well, from what I am told, and from my own experience. If you want a full sex life, “you are only interested in my body, and don't care about me� ahhhh...... then we have Ladies write they can't get enough....a man just can't win.

Communication is vital for a relationship to work. Winging and whining is soooooo negative....and
relationship killing. Arguments don't work, sometimes if you wait an hour, day, even a week, before the “heat� is released from the situation, then an honest caring/loving dialogue can occur and a mutually beneficial result can occur for you both. Don't sweat the small stuff.....

Is aggression, short temper, and being obtuse the hallmark of so called intelligent women? Being thrust onto the single scene has shown me the other side to the “fairer�sex. Intelligence coupled with common sense makes a person far more interesting. Emotional intelligence by many Ladies has been an issue too. I know, we males get accused of that...maybe it is a sign of the times.

Finally, are you ready for a relationship? The number of emotional cripples who are trying to find their life partner......have you released the hatred / enmity from the past...have issues with trust, if not....you still are a disaster area....sure there still will be bad memories...otherwise get professional help....it is WELL worth it....and much quicker and easier. Is there a shortage of men? no more than there is a shortage of Ladies....just a lack of communication, honesty and a willingness to look deeper into someone, to see the real person. If after checking him/her out carefully, be prepared to make a mistake...there are no guarantees in life...but you just may have a win.................Ken

Posted by: blueblueyes at September 1, 2008 3:45 PM

grego7 September 1, 2008 11:49 AM
I don't know any good reason why at 25 you wouldn't date a 20 y/o. That is a pretty common and comfortable age gap- about the same as the 40/50 one.
Anyway I think I'd rather the younger woman than a Volvo. I once had a 264; the worst car I've ever owned. If the WB approved estrogen dose is upped again you might be turning up with a vulva.
Germaine Greer in The Female Eunuch had a bit to say about calling women 'chicks'. It was diminishing and derogatory. She didn't worry about protecting men from similarly historically less than complimentary terms like 'bloke'.
These days from my observation and usage women are happy to be called chicks and generally love being called 'babe'. Wheels turn and Germs' is now probably stuck somewhere under one that is flat on the bottom.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at September 1, 2008 3:45 PM

Perth: different strokes for different folks.Off to the nunnery with you!

Posted by: musicteacher at September 1, 2008 3:41 PM

perth - when i said "its a two way street" i meant for males aswell. its the same for both sexes,. People are always quick to label eachother. i realise it might come across silly to people who are older, but at the same time, i think it depends on the context its used in sometimes

Posted by: metalscott at September 1, 2008 3:40 PM

iaminperth - just reading your blogs. Sounds like you are in better health. Hope you are. Gordon.

Posted by: gordon1951 at September 1, 2008 3:37 PM

Thank you Rodna, that's very sweet of you and Bill, you're absolutely right. Those moments are the flecks of light that make up the rainbows of life :)

Posted by: willow29 at September 1, 2008 3:35 PM

Maybe RSVP should have a seperate section for people looking for "part time" relationships?

Posted by: woodnwine at September 1, 2008 3:35 PM

Metal Scott: Good tounge flogging there back to our much loved friend xx Good post and I do agree with you on this one.xx

Personally I like any of the following:

Girly - nice and is used by many indigenous in thier greetings.

Shiela when I am talking with a farmer or outback as I do - not offended unless it come from a city slicker xx

Funky Monkeyxxx why not?

Cranky &^%(h , sometimes.xx

I try to say I say

"this hot, hot bod walk past me today and all I wanted him to do was turn around and look at me like I did him....""

Ending here Peace out xxxxxxxxxxxxxEOM

Posted by: amourmoi08 at September 1, 2008 3:28 PM

Heart2heart57...posted 31/8 at 10:12pm...

Ahhh...what a beautiful words you put-in, it was like a voice from wilderness, sparkling crystallized adorable mind blowing, a breathtaking reading all your post. You expressed so well in details and you got these invisible act of skills a boost of peace, powerful magical touches and senses, a very moving words, draw your attention in outstanding overwhelming admiration. So I may say, Thank you very much.

In returned my gratitude, I love to share you this beautiful story and to everyone as well.....

----------------------------------------------------------------

A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said..." I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat."

" Is the man of the house home? ",...they asked.
" No ", she replied...." He's out."
" Then we cannot come in",..they replied.

In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened.
" Go tell them, I am home and invite them in ! "....The woman went out and invited the men in.
" We do not go into the House Together, " ..they replied...
" Why is that? " ..she asked.
One of the Old Men explained:..." His name is Wealth," ...he said pointing to the one of his friends,..and said pointing to another one,..." He is Success,...and...I am Love."...then he added, " Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home."

The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed..." How nice,'' ..." Since that is the case,....let us invite Wealth...Let him come and fill or home with Wealth !."....

His wife disagreed. " My dear, ..Why don't we invite Success? " ...their daughter-in-law was listening from the other corner of the house. ..She jumped-in with her own suggestion !..." Would it not be better to invite Love?....our home will then be filled with love ! ".....

" Lets us need our daughter-in-law's advice, " ....said the husband to his wife.
" Go out and invite Love to be our guest."

The woman went out and asked the 3 Old Men...." Which one of you is Love? "....please come in and be our guest. "

Love got up and started walking toward the house....the other 2 also got up and followed him.....Surprised, the woman asked Wealth and Success,...." I only invited Love...why are you coming in ?? "

The Old Men replied together...." If you had invited Wealth or Success,...the other two of us would've stayed out...but since you invited Love, ..wherever he goes, we go with him....Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success !!!.....

Aliane

Posted by: aliane at September 1, 2008 3:24 PM

Drifter and Scott, while I can appreciate 'good body art" - especially body painting (rather than tattoos) on other people, I prefer to be sans adornment. I rarely even wear jewellery and just about have to repierce my ears if I want to wear earrings. The choice and the attraction makes us the individuals we are. For me, bare is beautiful. It doesnt exclude me being flexible if a potential partner sports the ink though :)

Posted by: willow29 at September 1, 2008 3:20 PM

willow29 at 1:27 PM: It's so good in itself, and it reinforces your hope that you'll soon find another.

I had a similar experience a few weeks ago. A woman kissed me and we had a couple of blissful dates inside a week. She has the most beautiful personality I ever remember meeting. But she wants to sell her house in the next few months and become a grey nomad, so she had to cross me off her list.

I remembered that when I read ELF's about midday - I too want to add value, not leave all the rest of my life and friends behind. Won't trade them in on whoever happens to be in the next caravan in that park that night.

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 1, 2008 3:18 PM

Well said, Lynath. People (friends/colleagues/family) asked me how I got over my break up so quickly. Its not that I got over it quickly, its that I had a cocoon of activities, friends, work and life that protected me from what could have been a very insular, self absorbing mess. How can anyone focus on just one aspect of one's life when there are so many more aspects to enjoy (or if not enjoy, then to occupy your mind)?

Posted by: willow29 at September 1, 2008 3:15 PM

How does it become a two way street if you just added two more derogatory refernces. That is not two way, that is just small minded. Maybe babe for exactly that, teenagers, or chic flicks, meaning the barbie types. We are talking older men and middle aged women here and I can assure you being called a chick or a babe at my age sounds absolutely ridiculous.

Posted by: iaminperth at September 1, 2008 3:07 PM

I love it when a man calls me babe,but I don't like it when he calls me "mate". My man calls me "sweety" sometimes.I call him honey!

No extra piercings or tattoos for me,but I don't mind the odd tattoo on a man.

Willow..i am sure THAT man went away with the same thoughts about you!

Grego........yes...Spring has sprung...birdies are singing,bees are buzzing and hopefully people are smiling a lot more!

Posted by: musicteacher at September 1, 2008 3:06 PM

outback - Good stuff mate. The only problem i find with the "Goth" community is that the style and and apearence only "really" suites a small population. Having said that though, i know an absolutely beatiful lady in her mid 20's, who happens to have a large tribal tattoo design all over her back and down onto her thighs. i think its one of the seiest tattoos ive laid eyes on. She happens to be a extremely attractive goth to start with.

Posted by: metalscott at September 1, 2008 3:05 PM

thelynathdiary at 12:33 PM: Is you pickin' on me, Venus/Diana?

Sounded like a very capable WB cover performance - a simplistic scenario where I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't ....Ultimately based on the hypothesis that men are lazy, and not committed to putting energy into a relationship. Rather disappointing, from you. In reply:

You said "On the one hand it appears you have low self esteem as you believe that some women "are too good for you because they are beautiful".

1) Most men are slightly overawed by great female beauty.

* Causes some men to pursue beautiful women, usually to gain a trophy wife/handbag. Mainly one-upmanship against other men, I believe, rather than unrealistic infatuation/aestheticism.

Rod Stewart? Remember his quote: "Don't marry. Just find a beautiful woman you dislike, and give her a house."

* Causes some ordinary men to hide in the TV room on a Saturday night, with a beer or ten for company.

* Causes some others to say "Pass" - just because the competition is so intense.

If you have nothing to prove, and if you're looking for your match - domestic bliss as in my 11.37am post today - the girl next door who feels that you're just as gorgeous as you think she is - that's the go.

You'll both put equal amounts of energy into nourishing the relationship, because it means equal amounts to you both.

I'm seriously in favour of mutuality and equality - and bliss based on peace and harmony, not on fireworks or constant striving by one to keep up with the other. What a waste of energy!

You said "Does your rejection of least [I guess you meant "most"] beautiful, or acceptance of not so beautiful (in your eyes) mean that you then think that YOU won't have to work so hard in the relationship?

You bet!

I'D RATHER PUSH MY BARROW ON THE LEVEL WITH MY EQUAL IN IT, THAN UPHILL CARRYING A SUPERMODEL. (And I prefer plus sizes, anyway.)

2) Most men are aesthetes to some extent. So they prefer their partners to look OK. But if they're realistic, a girl about as good-looking as they are themselves is fine.

3) You said "you look at photo's of least beautiful....and reject them, which makes your self esteem soar?"

No way, Josie. Nothing at all to do with self esteem. I just don't fancy them. That too uncomplicated for your shrink's notebook ?

4) "But again, your least beautiful will be someone else's gorgeous."

If so, he's more than welcome to her. But she usually hasn't had any action for 6 months plus, so he hasn't seen her, has he?

To answer you more directly: I look first at the profile photo. If she looks too much like a twit or a battleaxe, I pass. Same if her looks are too aestetically-challenging. I have average looks (above, when 20-30) and I just don't have to shop so far down-market. I hope.

5) You said "your theory that if they are beautiful, then it follows that they are popular and don't work hard at relationships.
I would like to know how you reached that conclusion?"

By wide experience at first and second hand with many girls and women, ever since I was about 18.

Another example: the beautiful women here receive an annoyingly large number of kisses, and sometimes complain about it on the blogs. They have to adjust their settings to limit the number.

They have all the choice in the world. So they'd need to have very low self esteem to AVOID thinking that there's a long queue at their door.

Tell me when that won't lead to complacency, and the attitude that men are expendable replaceable resources, to mine and then move on from?

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 1, 2008 3:04 PM

Posted by: metalscott at September 1, 2008 1:44 PM

Im with you, good body art is very beautiful & a real exotic look & with a touch of Goth makes it perfict :))))

Posted by: outbackdrifter at September 1, 2008 2:47 PM

perth - how is refering to a female as "chick" or "babe" offensive? would the female population rather be called "Shiela's" or "Birds"? Its a two way street really

Posted by: metalscott at September 1, 2008 2:30 PM

espritlibrefemme I like the new less romantic :-) you..now you are living up to your name free feminine and full of life and real.
okamhere ..you have it right.

I know exactly what you both mean and I think lots of ex long termers do too.

Ten years ago I found myself in a really terrible place (Sydney..no just kidding) Actually yes I did live in Sydney...but it grew on me....anyway....
The terrible place I found myself in was a result of me falling into a common trap of having my world revolve totally around the No 1 person in my life- my husband.

My husband came with a built in social life attached to his high profile career. In addition there were constant moves far away from family and old friends most of whom soon disappeared from my life..Our home was attached to his career. My self esteem was attached to his career. He was more than attached to his career and our whole life was all about his career. Even though I worked too, I managed everything in the domestic arena so he never worried about minor details. I socialised with our "friends" all attached to his career
I had a few acquaintances outside this little exclusive world ,from my kids schools and my work when I discovered that my husband had become attached to someone he worked with...the ultimate career move??

In a very short time I found myself literally with no home, no friends no family nearby and no social life..
The people I thought were my friends (some of whom I had known for years) soon made it clear they were staying with the partner who could help them with their own or their husbands careers and I never heard from them again.

It has been a long journey(and in actual fact the best thing that ever happened to me) from September 16 1998 to September 2008 as I started as a crying, shocked mess with two crying shocked teenagers, from a big house with a pool to renting a tiny unit(next to a brothel) with the few hundred dollars ex had left in the account,and rebuilt in every area to the life I have today, and made the true friends I have today. and developed the interests I have today and created my own self esteem from my own achievements along the way including developing my own career.
When I look back now I can't believe the person I was then..so enmeshed in meeting the needs of someone else and failing to meet my own or to develop myself as an individual entity. Yet I thought I was happy.

Although I would love a man in my life I am not prepared to ever go back to a life with the focus on one person to the exclusion and detriment of all else and especially a life of domestic boredom. I am also not willing to risk losing everything I have worked for financially as there would be no second chances to do it again now.
I think the perfect solution is a long term love affair without lives becoming totally enmeshed legally.
I am sure there must be lots of men who also feel this way.

One of the big complaints of long term relationships and excuses for affairs is that the other person became boring or predictable.The long term love affair keeps the element of romance alive and allows personal space as well.

For those out there who think having a partner will solve all their worries think again. It won't change the inner you.
There are no guarantees in life and the idea of finding someone to spend old age with is risky too.

It is far better to continue to create your own life and interests and friends and have a fantastic time with them, than to sit around waiting to find the one person who you think will magically create this life for you. Having own interests and friends and own social life(and keeping it even when in a partnership) insulates a person against the imapct of any time of loss and against depression and insures you are actually making the most of life and have high self esteem.

Posted by: thelynathdiary at September 1, 2008 2:27 PM

when i say well placed for tattoos, i mean not on the face or neck.

Posted by: metalscott at September 1, 2008 2:22 PM

Metalscott - define "well placed" :)

Posted by: willow29 at September 1, 2008 2:02 PM

timewarp - just commenting on your post about the ladies with the tattoos. I find there is nothing sexier than an attractive women with well placed, good looking tattoos. Its just my opinion, but it rocks my world. I guess its the same for peircings, i find that females with well placed peircings become more attractive to me(not attracted,lol) and if i can find both on a lady then WOAH!!!!! hahaha

Posted by: metalscott at September 1, 2008 1:44 PM

I think any man who supposedly admires beauty in women and then refers to them as chick or babe or doll just shows a blatant disrespect to any female or a total lack of education or understanding on their part. No matter how much is written it all gets back to the same derogatory terms and rigid agenda which is obviously not working. Rather I think admiring womens beauty the thoughts are more jealous of womens beauty and blaming them for everything that hasn't 'gone right' in their life. There is really an easy way to earn money and I have the Secret.....now shhhh everyone and I will whisper........it's called Work.

Posted by: iaminperth at September 1, 2008 1:36 PM

I met someone beautiful on the weekend. I mean physically beautiful and he was a beautiful person too. I don't know if I'll ever see him again, but it was nice to share his company for the short while.

Posted by: willow29 at September 1, 2008 1:27 PM

Ohh my gosh, I go away for 2 days and it takes me 2 hours to catch up with all the blogs.
Most of them ever so well put too!

"iaminperth" goodness me yesssss and for the life of me I simply can Not ----- nor will I even try to go into the Belching & Farting contest with the guys! (was bought up a little better than that).

"timewarp1" I do so thank you for your unput and I got such a laugh from your last line ----- yayyy a fellow with a great sense of humour -------- ummmm, where are the like minded guys?

P.S. a quote::: Never ASSUME ----- it tends to make an ASS out of U and ME.

Once again, thanks for reading, Sue.

Posted by: sindee50 at September 1, 2008 1:23 PM

Thanks Jen...what sort of music does he play?

Posted by: brilliantblue at September 1, 2008 12:43 PM

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at September 1, 2008 10:16 AM

I couldn't agree more...always keep my runners close by!

Nothing worse than feeling smothered!

Posted by: brilliantblue at September 1, 2008 12:36 PM

I certainly do admire the beauty of the most beautiful women on RSVP, but I certainly don't expect them to be interested in me.

And when I look at the photos of the least beautiful, if it's a face that I'd rather not see every morning above my meusli bowl, I'm motivated not even to read their profile.

I also have a theory that the most beautiful people have been so popular all their lives that they've never had to work as hard on relationships as the rest of us.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 31, 2008 10:15 AM

Timewarp the above statements of yours are such a contradiction.

On the one hand it appears you have low self esteem as you believe that some women "are too good for you because they are beautiful.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder Timewarp and even the most currently acceptable version of beauty or handsomeness disappears quickly in the eye of the partner if the basis for the relationship is not right.
Then you state that you look at photo's of least beautiful....and reject them which makes your self esteem soar?
But again ,your least beautiful will be someone else's gorgeous.

Then your theory that if they are beautiful then it follows that they are popular and don't work hard at relationships.
I would like to know how you reached that conclusion?
Does your rejection of least beautiful or acceptance of not so beautiful(in your eyes) mean that you then think that YOU won't have to work so hard in the relationship?

Posted by: thelynathdiary at September 1, 2008 12:33 PM

willow29 at 9:59 AM: But the Dude looks a lot better than the little guy in the photo, and I hope you lot'll be wearing a bit less cleavage. Put a bloke off his music, that lot.

Saw two girls in the everything-$2.50-on-Sunday-night sushi bar on my way home from cheap-chook Coles at 6pm last night, who were all over inyerface tatts. They must really hate mid-winter, when they have to cover up a bit of their skin.

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 1, 2008 12:25 PM

espritlf@10.16am:
Well said and I agree with you.As I said on one of my earlier profiles,I have no wish to be either house-maid or nurse,but wish to share my life (if possible) with both friend and lover.

Jenhi@ 9.13am:
A little bird told me how successful the Melbourne weekend was for those who attended :-)
So Steely eyes was there too.....Is he gigging up behind the banana curtain?
And heart2hearts.......would love to meet some of the Legends of Blog(cheeky smile)

Re: Briz get together.any chance of meeting earlier in day "somewhere" before hitting the P&W??

Posted by: kurli at September 1, 2008 12:23 PM

Hi Ok, I laughed when I read you roaming the carpark looking for your car. I used to own a 4wd and was forever losing it in carparks as they all looked the same. Out of desperation I tied a ribbon to the top of the aerial and I could always find my car fairly quickly after that. The car I own now has a built in aerial and quite long and sleek and I am constantly losing it, but now that I know I am always trying to take mental notes of where it's parked but sometimes seem to forget and have to go searching.

Posted by: iaminperth at September 1, 2008 12:15 PM

okamhere at 10:37 AM: Don't have to marry for that - just go steady.

And being more choosy just means it'll be a bit longer before you find someone who's close enough. Well, that's what I tell myself. Just about to tee up my RSVP first date No. 160-odd. Hmmm.

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 1, 2008 12:13 PM

ELF at 10:16am: You put it so well - value-adding, not value-replacing.

When I married I went down the wrong path - eg. gave up the squash (which I'd previously played with a group including one of her bridesmaids) and dancing, and headed for the counter-productive "nuclear family" that included only her interests. Never again.

And anyone who wants to clip your wings is showing that he's insecure and not your equal. High-achieving women like you need better than your equal, or neither of you will be secure and happy.

Must go earn money. Seeyezall.

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 1, 2008 11:57 AM

Posted by: laughsandtalks at August 30, 2008 2:09 PM

Marcus, my comments as I stated were related to my peer group. I have been fortunate to have enjoyed the friendship of a group of guys going back for more than 45 years and in one case over 50 years.

When we were 18 we did not date 15 year olds, when we were 25 we did not date 20 yeears olds. Now we are mid to late 50s our partners, wives and girlfriends are about the same age. If one us turned up with a 40 year old chickee bird or a Volvo for that matter he would get a lot of stick.

Re estrogen, I will leave it to others who have met me and know me to decide whether I am taking the so called estrogen supplement from WB.

PS Spring is sprung and all the littler birdies are thinking of love. Happy spring amd love to all.
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at September 1, 2008 11:49 AM

It's not true that everyone's different. But there are a number of different ideas about togetherness, with a number of people adhering to each.

Excellent post this morning, ELF. Yes, I wouldn't be surprised if there are a lot of 50-plus men in Brisbane who want a relationship that doesn't include spending all the weekend days together with their beloved - especially the keen golfers who work 5 days a week, and then like to play blokey golf with their mates, (instead of with their partner, either as a couple or in a foursome.)

But if they need to play both days, and if that requires an early snore on both Friday and Saturday nights, I'd suspect that the golf was a refuge from demands for more intimacy (quantity and quality) than they want to (or honestly can) offer in the longer term, "once they've landed you."

But the man's sport needn't be a barrier. No chick is going to stop me playing energetic social tennis 2 evenings a week, while I still can. But a chick who's comfortable about that will find that I come home about 15 years younger, and she might like to take advantage of that. Including by coming with me and playing tennis first, to warm her up too.
.............................................................

And there'll be plenty of men (of ALL ages) who prefer a DVD at home 6 months later, instead of an expensive, time-consuming trip to see the same movie at a cinema, at its first release.

I guess part of it is energy levels. Men in their 50s usually have to work at least as hard as they did in their 40s, and many have a bit less energy left over. Not having to get dressed up and go out of the house to do what you can do at home, can start to become more appealing.

But some women don't want to go to the movies just for the big screen. They want to be Taken Out, often to prove that ......to prove what?

* that they are still being wooed, and not taken for granted?

* that they still look good enough to make other women jealous, and other men envious, and are getting the look-ats that prove it?

("Women don't dress to please men (they undress to do that). Women dress to overawe other women, even if only by the amount of yellow hardware they can hang on themselves, without wilting under the weight.")

* that they are once again recycled as the mysterious Princess at the Ball, and not just Mrs King, stuck at home in the dreary palace?

* that the Domescicity Demon hasn't got them locked up in the boring cabin where they exist claustrophobically with their inarticulate, undomenstrative and often absent partner.....

Or whatever.

I suspect that the common thread may often be insecurity about their continuing attractiveness, and not just cabin fever.
...........................................................

I believe that our personal concept of romantic bliss is especially relevant. I see a dichotomous (2 humped) continuum between 2 poles:

1) Adventure and excitement:

The chase. The uncertainty. The mystery of the unfathomable other gender - increased if he/she's from a different race/culture.

The catching or being caught. The ongoing battle to keep him/her caught. The affaires on the side, to add the danger of risking being caught out/in.

The enormous ongoing expenditure of energy on the whole larger-than-life drama.....

2) Domestic bliss:

* All the specific delights I listed at August 29, 11:42am.

* An overall focus on being an item and enjoying that situation for its own sake, whatever you're doing together or separately, and without needing to parade your coupledom in front of third parties,

* The blissful security of feeling safe in the
belief that you love one another enough, so that neither of you needs to start looking around for your next partner, and

* The minimum energy expenditure, except for loving and helping and sharing, all of which activities recharge your batteries while you're doing them, rather than running you ragged, flogging the high-life horse.

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 1, 2008 11:37 AM

Timewarp 6:52 pm. What you said is true. There are definately pro's and cons with everything. As I am getting older I am seeing the value in the concept of marrying again. Someone to talk issues through with, to hold my hand around the markets which will
stop me from roaming around the carpark for 30 minutes trying to remember where I parked, someone who knows me and is on my side..Yeah so I do see the pros.

The thing is though..I'm just not so 'malleable' anymore..and I don't have the personality type to 'settle' for 'close enough...sometimes I wish I did.

Your logic is sound.

Posted by: okamhere at September 1, 2008 10:37 AM

woody, even better than doing things with a man EXCLUSIVELY is continuing to do things with friends, and doing other things with a partner, and still doing things alone. I may be very naive but I think that getting into a relationship is about value-adding, and that is for both parties concerned. I guess that is why I look for a partner that has a full life, is already involved with regular things with friends and time for themselves, so that being with a special someone is about having some times when there is far more QUALITY in doing things because they are together, but also recognising that SPACE has to be both given and made for the relationship and the other person.

I ***hate*** feeling smothered, controlled, 'stalked', being 'accused', when all I am doing is continuing to have my life, and getting more out of it because I am discovering someone else. I feel it is an enormous mistake to get involved in a relationship that DETRACTS from the other aspects of the rich tapestry that is my life. I've been there, I suspect we all have, and it is very destructive, being tooooo close, tooooo involved with someone else, at the cost of losing other relationships such as those with friends.

It is friendships that keep us going and friendships that need to be taken care of, because so many intimate relationships DON'T last and then individuals are left facing loneliness and even desperation because they have sacrificed that network of friends to be involved with and over-possessive partner. I WON'T do that again, but I see the 'man drought' as being a real shortage of guys who will allow space and freedom and cherish that a woman wants to have him in her life AS WELL AS other relationships rather than INSTEAD OF those relationships.

Being too possessive, too clingy, too needy is the signal for me to head for the hills - and I suspect I am not alone in this frame of thinking.

Entering more intimate relationships demands negotiating these 'space' issues, and that is soooo often full of misunderstandings and misinterpretations of intent....and no relationship will survive is a life has to be sacrificed for it.

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at September 1, 2008 10:16 AM

It will be like the picture above, with Rod the only man there :)

Posted by: willow29 at September 1, 2008 9:59 AM

brillianblue ~ 8.30am. Rod is planning on coming to the Sydney meet. He was saying that on the weekend. Guess he will check in on the blogs when he gets home today and confirm. Do hope you get to enjoy some of his music too. Magic!

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at September 1, 2008 9:13 AM

Jen, lucky you, I bet that was a treat :)

Ive just noticed the new kiss replies - a bit more versatile!

Posted by: willow29 at September 1, 2008 8:56 AM

Posted by: jenniferhi at September 1, 2008 7:36 AM

Is Tassiedude playing in Sydney...does anyone know?

Posted by: brilliantblue at September 1, 2008 8:30 AM

"Come on ladies, fess up, look into your hearts, if mr very probably was coming into your life now, and you were looking at stopping going out and partying on, swapping that for nights in front of the tele, washing his socks and cooking his meals...and stuck in that forever and a day, would you be saying "my prince, yes please" or "get me out of here!!"??

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at August 31, 2008 7:11 PM"

Why do you think it would have to be like that? Surely you could continue to do the same, fun things except you could do them together ..... even better.

Posted by: woodnwine at September 1, 2008 8:01 AM

"esp-femme.. why do you have to swap nights out, etc, for nights in front of the tele?? You make your relationship what you want it to be.. It's a mindset you know!!!!" amdoingit, if only it was a mindset, unfortunately my experience is that it is the man's push and not a mindset. Once a relationship gets to the more familiar stages of being exclusive and 'moving in' and 'settling down', the drive is to stay in and 'be realistic'. Guys seem to put a lot of effort in 'winning' a woman but once the prize has been 'captured', the 'comforts' come into play....I have even had a more 'steady' relationship where the guy wanted to go playing golf during the days of the weekend, whilst I did 'stuff' around the home (his home!) and then was not able to go out at night because he 'had to get up early for golf' and so wanted only tv, dvds, and home cooking - and that was after just three months together! He couldn't figure why I thought that unreasonable - but made it clear that his idea of having a woman around was that it should be someone who got all their pleasures from pottering around in the garden whilst he was out playing golf. My 'mindset' was torn between 'I love this man' and 'I need more'. The second mindset won, and has certainly made me very wary of going into anything more 'exclusive' and 'permanent' now. 50-something guys around here seem to be pretty conservative and 'pipe-and-slippers' variety. No wonder I like my freedom more than I look to giving commitment!!!

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at September 1, 2008 7:56 AM

Morning all. Well just had to share this. Over the weekend I was lucky enough to catch Rod (Tassiedude) sharing his music. He was over in Melbourne for the week-end.
And can I just say what an absolute delight it was. He has the most beautiful voice and accompanied by his lovely guitar work.

He played his own stuff and lots of covers we all knew. It was such a lovely afternoon of sharing and music.

If any of you get the chance, please go and catch him wherever he is playing. I'm pretty sure he mentioned it on the blogs somewhere.

Thanks Rod, a most enjoyable weekend.
(When are you coming over again? lol )

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at September 1, 2008 7:36 AM

re keeping stuff, there are good times in every relationship, happy times, so you keep the happy mementos. Especially if children are involved. My children were able to access any of my wedding or other photo albums whenever they wanted, they were and still are kept in a bookcase. Or framed photo's, a couple of photo's of the ex and I are still kept on a shelf in my son's room. things were not bad all the time, I have my boys and if they ask I tell them the fun stuff thier dad and I used to do.

Since then, I have kept memento's of other good times from other boyfriends, like a photo, books gifts, as really the same rule applies, there was good in every relationship I had, otherwise we wouldn't have gone out with each other in the first place!!!!

Stretchy tops.....noooo not on anyone with fat so not for me.....but a well fitting top, that is fitted not clingy, well cut, and cross over tops are good if well cut, that covers my arse, shows the cleavage...yep I wear them.....gotta show the good bits so mine is hair, good skin, cleavage and a smile.......also good fitting jeans, or tailored pants, and heels....gotta have great heels when out. More of a classy look at this age in my life.

Jewellry, love it but only wear one chain or necklace, ( am not into the heavy strangled look) watch, gold bangle and earrings...and same rule applies...classy not tacky or skanky!!!!! Having a lot of jewellery does not mean you wear it all at once!!!!!

But like you perth I see so many big women out and I think to myeslf, my god, didn't they look in the mirror before they came out.....or thier partner of best friend say something , as a true best friend or partner would not let you look like shite if you were going somewhere that was in the public. ....

just my thoughts on a sunny monday morning...jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at September 1, 2008 7:26 AM

iaminperth at 9:33 PM: You are right on the ball tonight. The only things I'd put out of sight would be wedding photos and couple photos, like Joan and me dining at Lennons for her 19th birthday, a couple of years before we got engaged.

Still deserve a proud place in your "First-family" album, but not on the wall.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 31, 2008 11:42 PM

iaminperth at 9:26 PM: I totally agree with you. Remember the Confucius saying "Man who rest on Laurels is wearing them in wrong place."

Same goes for women. Who was it saying just below that she's never going to launder another bloke's socks ever again?

I see two stages of dating:

1) You go out together and have fun. With any luck you then go home together and have more fun. Then one of you goes home to the other home.

If you're both democratic, the $$ cost of the outings is shared somehow, maybe by shouting time about. And similarly the cost of the innings - maybe the visitor brings a couple of bottles, or whatever. Or shouts breakfast down the road, if you've both got the next morning off.

If one of you is a gold-digger/freeloader, the other needs to have very low self-esteem, so as to put up with that, and do all of the giving/paying. I don't. So "Next!"

2) Next stage (ie. for everyone who isn't morbidly commitment-phobic, a player, and/or married already) - one of you moves in, part time for a start.

Best signal: some of your clothes come to stay, full-time. They have their own place in a wardrobe, for the duration. (After that, mine once came home in a postal parcel. Usually the signal of a sudden unilateral breakup.)

Again you have to decide if you're equally unselfish, or not. If you are, there's an equitable division of duties, preferably formally agreed on.

In my last r'ship, for about 8 months in 2001-2002, whoever got home to her place first, started peeling veg. for dinner. Cooking and kitchen duties were shared about equally while I was there ( ie. most weekends, and one or 2 nights mid-week.)

In the dawn we'd pound the pavements around the suburb together for 40 mins, someone would cook brekka then she'd leave for work. I'd then usually put a load of washing on, phone some customers and suppliers, hang out the washing and leave too, about 9.30am.

I paid a set amount a week towards her groceries, and usually was the one to buy them against her list. I paid video rentals, and we took turns to pay petrol, motel and other costs for our frequent weekends away, often down Kingscliff way.

So we shared the work and money costs of being together in a way that we thought was equitable. She mended clothes and I mended shelves. I mowed, she weeded.

It worked for us for the duration, because neither of us had said "I'm never going to .... ever again."

I see that kind of thinking as both backward-looking and selfish, and likely to stall you next time at step one - if you get that far. Next!!!

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 31, 2008 11:34 PM

Pt2: Hey all - most of the sand pit playground is safely asleep as they should be....

I checked the playground and will say this........

** Boston Legal** is on tomorrow night so I shall save my good Cuban Cigar for the worthy acting and nonsense that I like to see here..........what a crack up!!

Sick em Rex xx

To borrow Erals AKA: Mr Flynns acronym....

(pmsl = pissing myself laughing...)

If that is offensive = good and bite me just don't hurt me with the sand throwing.xx
*************************************************
Or else I will enlist the army of sisters that are smarter than me and have cutting words.

Chase like they are going to catch you and rip the key pad and mouse out of your hands forever and throw it in the vortex that is sometimes on this page...................

However, we all sometimes visit to reminds us we do have a heart beat - even if it does only appear in a MRI xxxx lol,,,he, he..

Hay, who is rocking up to Sydney MT and others as I have now lost count...sorry xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Peace out xxxxxx love you all, kiss hello and waves back.............................

LA Amourmoi08 xxxx

Posted by: amourmoi08 at August 31, 2008 11:29 PM

stretchy shoes to go with stretchy tops...now let me see, lots of gold chains around the ankles and a few toe rings as well. Some women look lovely in this stuff and they wear it really well, it's just there seems to be a problem with individualism because when women go out in great big groups, they all look the same. Add red lipstick and lots of overstreaked hair to the equasion and looks like a problem to me. However, great smiles and laughter always make a person more attractive in my eyes.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 31, 2008 11:07 PM

waternymph: Thanku for the kind invite & I'll contact u during the week... have a great one :)

amdoingit... hi & thanku for the tip :)

drifter: ... all quiet on the firing range today.... ahh life is sweet :)

Posted by: thelynathdiary at August 31, 2008 9:18 PM. Your last paragraph is a great suggestion for a topic. My goodness what a can of worms it would open up :) Maybe as a group effort of Aussie RSVP'ers we can put together a best seller book that makes all current selections low brow & a past read... :) Good night... sleep tight... & don't let the bed bugs bite... gentle smiles....

Posted by: softfeather at August 31, 2008 10:36 PM

esp-femme.. why do you have to swap nights out, etc, for nights in front of the tele?? You make your relationship what you want it to be.. It's a mindset you know!!!!
Perth.. Hi, has been a while!!! Have to disagree with you re stretchy and crossover tops on middle aged women.. Cross overs can be slimmimg as can stretchy.. Depends on style (cut) and persons body shape.. Like most clothes..Look good on some yet woeful on others...
Lynath.. Another hi... Re photo's, etc, and sentimental "stuff".. If you like it use it.. Look at photo's if they cause you no angst and have a good memory attached. It all forms part of our history and what has made us what we are today.. Besides, as much as many would love to disagree we did have good times along with the bad so just accept it.. It's life and it goes on...
Night all....... "G"

Posted by: amdoingit at August 31, 2008 10:26 PM

Posted by: aliane at August 31, 2008 2:39 PM - Goodonya Aliane. Sometimes you just have to lick your wounds, count your losses, and move on without looking back. Trying for a second time rarely works, particularly if the other half has been unfaithful. You end up going back for more of the same. That 'trust' that once was is gone forever. Some people can sort it out, I know I couldn't.

The kicker is the "I'll do anything - I"ll change. Honest I will". Can a Leopard change it's spots? Rarely, and certainly not overnight. And even if they seem to have 'changed', if that change doesn't come from deep within - if they don't really believe in it, and don't really want to change with all their heart and soul, and change for the right reasons - it won't last. In fact, it can lead to resentment. We are what we are. Trying to suddenly be something we are not is a recipe for disaster. Sure, we can grow, learn, and change, but only if we *want* to - not just to hang on to some kind of 'prize'.

I hope things work out for you, and I think you've done the right thing by the most important person in the world - you. Walking away isn't easy. Your future partner will be so glad you did...

Posted by: heart2heart57 at August 31, 2008 10:12 PM

am quite interested in another matter and would love a blog about it "Stretchy tops - sexy or not - yes or no?"...no that's not it..its "What does everyone do with sentimental stuff from a previous relationship Do you hide it from a new partner? Do you throw it out? Can you look at photo's , can you still use the plate you bought on a trip together, what about jewellery? It is all part of the tapestry of what makes you you..but what do people do? Just curious!
Posted by: thelynathdiary at August 31, 2008 9:18 PM

Lynath I LOVE my stretchy tops..who cares if the curves show...teee heeee !!!

Long live the cross-over top !!!

Posted by: starryeyez at August 31, 2008 9:38 PM

Lynath = you keep everything that makes you happy and brings back happy memories in your life and new partner/friend keeps everything that makes them happy and brings back happy memories. Surely that is part of who you are and that is part of who the other person is. If you start hiding things that make you happy how is another person going to get to know you and who you are. Pictures from my past form who I am today and I don't think any one would be silly enough to think that all experiences in past relationships were bad. My ex and I ran a business when every time we had a win there were pictures taken. I still have some, they are great and form part of my past. I don't shove them down peoples throats but if anyone asks I just say this is when.........and that is when.........It's acceptance of each other and looking forward to the future for me and if the other person doesn't believe that the past is the past well maybe that is their problem.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 31, 2008 9:33 PM

I don't think there is a man drought and especially in my age group. There are some really lovely ones around. What there is though is a brain drought. Unfortunately I think men get stuck into some kind of routine more than women do and have set ideas of how things should be for the rest of their lives. The old I've worked to raise a family and pay off a mortgage therefore I am entitled to sit around and do nothing doesn't wash any more because, hey wake up, so have I and continue to do so. I am certainly not going to spend the rest of my time on this earth humouring someone who can't or rather won't get out of his own way and bases the rest of his life on what he has done in the past. And before someone jumps in with a complete recitation of his views on things that don't work, no freeloaders either.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 31, 2008 9:26 PM

Iaminperth...I really object to paying lots for the stretchy tops that are just a couple of pairs of pantyhose with a hole cut out...but today I saw tha last word..."stretchy shoes"
I am not joking...shoes made out of the off cuts from the stretchy tops.....looks like our feet will be getting into a crisis too!
Toe cleavage everywhere!

Posted by: thelynathdiary at August 31, 2008 9:26 PM

iaminperth at August 31, 2008 9:05 PM
Cross me off your list of "Mid aged women". I can assure you there are no "low stretch tops, mostly crossover and lots of chains and stuff hanging around the neck and very tight sleeves and more chains and rings". I do wear a fine chain with my special tiger on it...

Posted by: blueyedblond at August 31, 2008 9:26 PM

When this was discussed last time- April 07 in "Where is the best place to find love in Australia" I think the poster "Pattyanne" had the last word when she said:

The CIA fact book says that there is NOT a man drought in Australia. See:

www.cia.gov/cia/publications/factbook/index.
html

It sounds like the men would like us to think that they are in scarce supply.

Posted by: pattyanne at April 24, 2007 2:04 PM

I am still quite amazed that the problem of finding a man for women with or without stretchy tops is a matter for the CIA....

I am quite interested in another matter and would love a blog about it "Stretchy tops - sexy or not - yes or no?"...no that's not it..its "What does everyone do with sentimental stuff from a previous relationship Do you hide it from a new partner? Do you throw it out? Can you look at photo's , can you still use the plate you bought on a trip together, what about jewellery? It is all part of the tapestry of what makes you you..but what do people do? Just curious!

Posted by: thelynathdiary at August 31, 2008 9:18 PM

Oh Lynath I am so sorry. It was just a comment or observation when I go to the movies at Subiaco. Mid aged women are in uniform, they really are. Very expensive uniform most of the time, but always the low stretch tops, mostly crossover and lots of chains and stuff hanging around the neck and very tight sleeves and more chains and rings. Contrary to what they think, and this is just my opinion, they accentuate every bulge. I mean some do look nice but always so overdone. What is it with crossover tops on mid aged women, especially black ones. No they are not slimming!!! I know why I am fatter than I should be, I eat too much, drink too much and don't exercise enough. Do you think I should write a book about it, or maybe it's been done before. Have a good day Lynath, I'm sure you looked lovely in whatever you chose in the sales.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 31, 2008 9:05 PM

I don't think there is a man drought. It really boils down to compatability and being flexible in our quest to find our partner. There is no such thing as the perfect partner. It is upto the individual to be honest with himself or herself and don't let others influence them.

Posted by: sizzlingone at August 31, 2008 7:52 PM

iaminperth..you ruined my shopping trip!

Went to the city with my daughter today to check out the sales.
Everytime I got into the harshly lit fitting rooms I had your voice in my ear shouting
"loud middle aged women. They are almost uniformly dessed with very low stretchy tops, hair heavily coloured and sprayed, makeup harsh"...

I put every one of the stretchy tops(of which there are thousands it seems) back and vowed to leave the 'stronghold' hairspray alone too...maybe....

The reason why women in particular are getting fatter is the invention of stretchy clothes which don't give a fair or early warning in the same way that the old non stretch did. This is different to women being larger all over than the predecessors due to good food and health.

Posted by: thelynathdiary at August 31, 2008 7:46 PM

"MAN DROUGHT", I've never heard anything so rediculous in all my life. Most single women over 30 are single mums, and having a child to love, they are not 'really' interested in finding a man to love. You've just got to check how many men compared to women join each week ( on sites where you can do this ), and you will find that between 1 1/2 to 4 times more men join each week compared to women. "Man Drought", just start looking girls and you will find all the men you can handle.

Posted by: haphot at August 31, 2008 7:22 PM

okamhere@5:33pm, good on you for being so upfront and honest. I am not sure that many of us women really are looking for settling down anymore. I agree about ocne being wlling to meld into someone else's life but now, heaven forbid, no way! I guess looking for 'value added' is more like the truth....but then the real truth for me is that I am looking for dating and fun and nothing too serious at all.
Yet on my profile, I say I seek a long term relationship because saying I seek a short term one looks like....well, you all know what it looks like....
At my age, I wonder if I have the ability to commit, taking how much I would have to move out of my comfort zone....
I think I might just be on rsvp to prepare myself for how I am going to behave in the nursing home...as for getting married....woah, don't want to even think about going there....which is maybe why I can't see that there is a man drought because I am not really looking for getting A/THE man....oops, should I have declared that on here.....well okamhere has been honest, so why not?
Come on ladies, fess up, look into your hearts, if mr very probably was coming into your life now, and you were looking at stopping going out and partying on, swapping that for nights in front of the tele, washing his socks and cooking his meals...and stuck in that forever and a day, would you be saying "my prince, yes please" or "get me out of here!!"??

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at August 31, 2008 7:11 PM

okamhere at 5:23 PM : It leaves finding a partner exactly where you choose, ma'am.

High priority for me, because I've been single, and also been in a partnership (more than once), and very much prefer the latter.

As for you, how about making a list of the possible good results from being coupled, and the difficulties. Then think about how to minimise the downside. And finally decide whether to go for it, or not bother.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 31, 2008 6:52 PM

Hello all.. Has been a while but thought I'd pop in for a quick look to see what's happening in blogsville.. Some old names but also lotsa newby's... Interesting!!!
Softfeather.. the German language is actually very easy to learn.. A lot of words are very similar to Aussie ones.. There are a lot of local groups who get together in Vic so maybe where you are too (usually a local school) who would be more than happy to help you out.. Good luck..... "G"

Posted by: amdoingit at August 31, 2008 6:46 PM

I'm not at all convinced there is a 'man drought'. There seems to be heaps of single men around the place.

For me, the issue is...am I interested in those men? Sadly, usually not. I think it's a combination of age, being used tot he single life and a pretty good understanding of myself. Years ago I was more prepared to meld into someone else's life...and now I really just want to live my own. So, where does that leave finding a partner?

Nope, no man drought....it's age. hehehe

Posted by: okamhere at August 31, 2008 5:33 PM

As usual Laughsanddrivels has not read my blog correctly being so overjoyed, to at long last lower himself once again to name calling. Sorry to have kept you waiting!

Dr Phil of course does not advocate obesity nor did I say he did! I just feel that if you want to quote a best selling author of a self help book that Dr Phil is way more credible than Moore.
Mule what makes you think the book was bought by women.. for any other reason than to laugh uproariously at .. then have a ritual bonfire with? Did the bookstores give you that information? Men do buy books not just ones with pictures in!

Softfeather if I knew where your profile was I'd be happy to email you. Please feel free to send me a kiss and I'll get back to you re the german language etc!

Posted by: waternymph47 at August 31, 2008 4:59 PM

Mule, maybe the women are buying the book to see what sort of drivel is being written these days......Now pop your smoking jacket on and light a cuban, theres a good lad.........K

Posted by: auntykaz at August 31, 2008 4:41 PM

Why do women purchase magazines depicting young females being degraded by disgusting photographs of them in private moments. Stories denagrating their looks, their ability and everything else about them. A couple of inches of fat is enough to sell a magazine nowadays, a star falling over or getting drunk guaranteed to sell. It amazes me that most of these trash mags are about by women and purchased by women with all the lies and rubbish in them. Of course this guy is going to write a book because he knows that people will be silly enough to buy it and make money. Back on Dr. Phil, yes he has some fairly good things to say at times and so he should, he's a psychologist. With all his talk and books and everything else though I believe he owns and pushes one of the biggest supplementary diet food products, like shakes and bars etc. Now I thought it was about self control and learning about yourself, but it makes more money. However, going back to the original the purchasers of all these trashy garbage mags on the stands at the moment denigrating women are mainly purchased by women creating a huge market and making a few people rich.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 31, 2008 4:25 PM

Mule sorry mate l left something out of my last post......................................TA DA

I think you just shoot your self in the foot AGAIN :))))

Posted by: outbackdrifter at August 31, 2008 4:13 PM

Mule, you really dont get it do you, I have seen alot of crap books make the best seller list...........................................But thats not making them right, true or worth reading :))))

Posted by: outbackdrifter at August 31, 2008 4:10 PM

Yuletide........

"It became a best seller'

of course it did!!!.........the world is filled with mediocraty,bad taste and people lacking in common sense........the author was probably counting on it.

Posted by: musicteacher at August 31, 2008 4:09 PM

You people miss my point about Moores Book

It has become a best seller -- it is also written squarely at women as the target audience - common sense tells us men are not buying the book - so who is then

drumroll

TA DA

women.

WHY ARE WOMEN BUYING IT IS MY QUESTION AND POINT.

I can not make it any more simple than that

go think about that for a while and give your conclusion jumping misandristic horses a rest.

Posted by: yaahmulegiddyup at August 31, 2008 3:16 PM

softfeather, sorry for missing lunch but I have your back :))

Have a great sunday softfeather & catch you at round 2 ;)

Posted by: outbackdrifter at August 31, 2008 3:07 PM

Hi Drifter :) How's it going? Whoa I am the brave one today!!! Must have been the full moon sending me some mojo... :) the kids will be here soon but if ya can't make it for lunch today can ya watch my back while I go play with the little ones? Not asking you to defend me but please make sure no one gets a clear shot.... have a great day.. :)

Posted by: softfeather at August 31, 2008 2:49 PM

Thank you so much for such lovely advices..

Yaahmulegiddyup....An event was distressing and the catalyst for a change, I'd basically retreated into my cave and spent a lots of time thinking a long, hard look at who I was and where I was going in my life. I would never go back in same condition. They never meant anything while they still got the opportunity but it's all over now.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Timewarp......what stuck me immediately was stripe from luck it happened very quickly, I don't know at this point why they coming back but for me, if I take it on basis of how much time we spend together and how much time we think about each other, then we were both in that space in a short time. Years have had passed and Now they trying to walked into my life again asking for forgiveness to fix the differences...Not just one man but two of them...I am now in the middle of cracking stone, a tug of war...Even they offered friendship, I disagree...

------------------------------------------------------

Outbackdriffer......when went to the cycle of losing grip, that didn't work, that was a huge disappointing, though to be honest, that was perhaps to be expected, yet, what happened next was far from what they expected...

---------------------------------------------------------

Musicteacher......giving a second chance to go ahead, it was the best, nicest, most appropriate way for us to do it, but it depends on case to case basis,...but second attempt, - from my point of view I was already committed to the relationship, it was great because I understand my feeling about it,...But soon after they started to denied what should be...and when I gave-up, made my final announcement they start to panic..but its too late.....the breakage would never go back into original state...

-------------------------------------------------------------

Heart2 heart........My final decision went -off without a hitch,, yeap I just walk and walk without looking back and I see the rainbow,it's a sign the storms is over.....

----------------------------------------------------------------

Lovetolaugh.....yes, you are right, I just run with or without my shoes....

If God granted me to make a choice, just one wish....between, to win lotto a multi-million dollars Or a Man with a golden heart and soul ?.......I choose that Man ....

Posted by: aliane at August 31, 2008 2:39 PM

It is Sunday don't ya all know.

To steal a good line from the idiot box never call before 11 am... why?

I have caught up a little but still have to strectch and warm the keyboards up before I start WW67 on this site :-)

Ya all know the rules of engagement with Moi.xxxxx

Anyways will test type and put PT1 then you all know that I am really awake and paying attention to you.

MWAH xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Peace out for the moment.

Bliss Kiss) waves hello to you all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx... ps I hungry too

Posted by: amourmoi08 at August 31, 2008 2:18 PM

popped on to have a quick nosey and have seen the most quotable quote .....perth....
"I remember my ex saying he could have any woman he wanted......turned out he couldn't."
That should be in a bumper-sticker, fridge magnet, button or something! Love it!

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at August 31, 2008 2:14 PM

musicteacher at 12:10 PM: Of course I appreciate beauty - gorgeous woman, horse, tiger, sunset, waterfall, sea cliff, oil painting - but I don't expect to be able to corral any of them and keep them just for me. Haven't got the brass. Or the arse.

I believe I know what I deserve, and that's all I'm looking for. My match.

Gotta go - just phoned by romantic attachment from last Spring, wanting afternoon coffee and long chat. Today. Haven't seen her for over 6 months. How nice! Seeyezall.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 31, 2008 2:13 PM

warped August 30, 2008 7:35 PM
Faith may fill a vacuum; from an engineering point of view on earth at least, a vacuum is a useful source of stored energy. We'll try and keep our knowledge vacuums uncontaminated until they are filled with fact.
I think it was philosopher Adam Smith who said a wise man believes in proportion to the evidence.
Mule, I had a photo of me with a cute little waist high baby elephant taken in Pattaya Thailand. The elephant was a she, and she was more interested in the (not rotten) fruit (bananas) and sugarcane I had in my pocket than me.
Moore's quoted is gunning for a reaction but makes a valid point. Australia may be the most overweight but not necessarily obese nation (recent info suggests the US wins that hands down) so there are plenty of fat people around. I've been a chubby chaser over the years. Chubby single girls are often doing it hard. Sure they meet guys and get laid, but relationships don't happen as easily. One reason is the jokey but serious social stigma attached to average blokes with fat GF's. You feel ok about taking 'em out on dates and doing one on one stuff but the meeting the mates and friends, even the parents and siblings is a bit harder, and these are the break points in relationship building. It is going to be interesting to see how the upcoming anti obesity campaigns will work without vilifying and stigmatising and affecting single fattie relationship chances. Of course the converse applies. Obesity is caused by an energy imbalance where energy intake exceeds energy expended over time.
Waternympho. I don't think Dr. Phil is advocating obesity. You are at it again bashing away at blokes. Do I see a bitter misandrist looking out from your unsmiling eyes?
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at August 31, 2008 1:19 PM

Aliane-7.33pm yest - I tried it for the sake of my kids, and because I wanted to believe that he (husb) would change - I married for life and I loved him! go figure! In hindsight agree with H2H - walk and keep on walking in fact RUN ....lol

Posted by: lovetolaugh57 at August 31, 2008 1:18 PM

waternymph....I looked at your profile 'cause ya post re the snow stirred my interest.... talk about a small world. Growing up I had the most wonderful days holidaying where you now live. In the 50's & 60's that was the Gold Coast for the Sydney city folks. Then in the 70's with partner & the little one we had many wonderful fun weekends away from the city at Budgewoi... ahhh the call of the surf & the feeling of escape was so powerful. Even today the grown up little one remembers the days with great fondness. But there's more .... my Grandma was German so again I feel a connection with you. I do regret I haven't retained the skill to speak her language. As I continue to read & join in the posts I wonder what else we may have in common? Must away to do the vegies.... :) please come for lunch as I know my family would love to meet ya... :) Aint life grand... :)

Posted by: softfeather at August 31, 2008 12:43 PM

Timewarp: It is you life..........don't worry about other people's standards. Of course you are attracted to beauty..........look at nature!

Posted by: musicteacher at August 31, 2008 12:10 PM

I remember my ex saying he could have any woman he wanted......turned out he couldn't.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 31, 2008 11:59 AM

How on earth can anyone with a sound mind even begin to think that Moore is required reading??

It demeans and denigrates not only women, but men also.

Bring back the caveman ?? Thanks but no, l think l will ever so politely pass on him.
Nothing but a load of crap......Next book review if you don't mind, umpire.............K

Posted by: auntykaz at August 31, 2008 11:52 AM

Waternymph.........I haven't been to see a live band since I saw Midnight Oil at the Coogee Bay Hotel.....30 years ago(I mean LiVE.........loud etc).

This was a first for me...but I go to a lot of fundraisers.not always for Cancer....could be Cochlear Implants or need for new Instruments.I don't go to find a man.......but I meet people here who want to make their "little difference".because we are in the same boat....it ends up being a great evening,often involving lots of interesting conversations.

So let me make a suggestion....to all of you...........go to a fundraiser.......there are many types..........come with me if you like,any time..........you may not find a man/woman but you will be doing something worthwhile,and meet like minded people.

Boyfriend stayed at his home last night,getting drunk and playing video games.......I don't begrudge him that.

Posted by: musicteacher at August 31, 2008 11:47 AM

Hi again. I wasn't going to post this personal thought but have decided I will. Because I celebrate & proudly embrace my place as "Senior Earth Mama" in my family & I am blessed with the responsibilty for assisting with the development of the little ones, I am committed to display & live by good & healthy values in our society. In reading some of these posts I can understand why I sometimes feel alone at the "Lost & Found" baggage counter. For me if/when I receive a "claim ticket" I collect "my shite" & sort through it. I accept & heal "my" past hurts. I retain what will assist me to move forward, continue to grow & have a healthy life & fun in my middle age. :) I know I still have some shite rattling around or buried somewhere but I sure don't throw my unwanted baggage at others.. Maybe I was just very blessed to be raised in a family where the values of respect & integrity for yourself & others were part of everyday living. In saying all this I believe my table would still be full of RSVP'ers visiting for that long lunch as many do have good healthy values & I would be honoured to have you sit at my table & celebrate life with my little ones :)

Posted by: softfeather at August 31, 2008 11:42 AM

Hi softfeather:

I didn't find out about this until yesterday morning,when my girlfriend called me and asked if i wanted to go and see her boyfriends band..........THE DIRT TRACK DEMONS....

I was tempted to SMS amouri and ask her to post it whilst I was out.

The men to myself???? the band members were not only talented but lookers....and "taken" I am afraid!

I will certainly let you know next time.and i must say,it's really heartwarming to see people having a good time,and giving to a really worthy cause!!!

Posted by: musicteacher at August 31, 2008 11:35 AM

Posted by: musicteacher at August 31, 2008 12:37 AM. I have just come home from a function to raise money for Camp Quality at a Bowling club...3 live bands........there is NO man drought! Men everywhere,men,men,men,men.....drunk,generousus,friendly men....... Other people don't make you happy.......they can enrich your life...happiness is within.....

GOOD MORNING ALL:) Being a "hot" Senior Earth Mama I'm still in bed with the just the best heart starter for the day. A cuppa tea & vegemite toast. I accept I can't always have what I hope for so I really enjoy what I have. :) "musicteacher" why didn't you let us "senior used by date Mama's" know about the venue? ahh yes, you wanted all the men to yourself :) .. hmmm... smart person... So while I finish my tea & toast I'll re live my erotic dreams from last night!!!!! I must soon roll out of bed & put the roast on.... anyone feel like visiting for a long lunch?? All the trimmings & real homemade mint sauce!! Big gentle smiles :)

Posted by: softfeather at August 31, 2008 11:10 AM

Posted by: musicteacher at August 30, 2008 8:24 PM

I think you wrong people can change, I have seen it..........................it can happen :)))

Posted by: outbackdrifter at August 31, 2008 10:57 AM

Moore(Author of the drivel about women retreating to cavedom) himself has never married, has a girlfriend of two years, an 11-year-old son from a previous relationship and says he has never found true love.(Well fancy that now)
Posted by: yaahmulegiddyup at August 30, 2008 7:01 PM
I think that speaks volumes when a supposed bestselling Author on realtionships.. cant keep one himself. Dr Phil is not my ideal man but I like his attitude and he seems to have an excellent relationship as well as helping to fix other peoples lives. He is also a best selling Author.
Mule is there a better side to you? ... or should you be taking your unenlightened self off to Dr Phil for some assistance too?

MT of all those happy drunken men, men, men at the Bowling Club I'm betting you'd be lucky to have met even one genuinely nice single guy. The rest being made up of men who'd rather drink than be (a) Home with the wife (b) Out with the wife (c) Out with a woman on a date.
Ive been to Club functions too!

Posted by: waternymph47 at August 31, 2008 10:54 AM

sincerelyseeking at August 30, 2008 10:20 PM : You put it so well. Nice to see you back.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 31, 2008 10:39 AM

R at 12.37am: "Being beautiful,slim and sexy(male and female) is no guarantee....it is a bonus"

Many people think that drop-dead-gorgeous beauty is a bonus, but the older I get, the less I agree.

I really related to what was said a couple of days ago: that we are most comfortable with someone whose looks are about as attractive as our own.

I'm deeply into inner beauty (a nice nature) as the main thing to search for, but I have to admit that as a recycled single, the amount of beauty in the profile picture does affect me.

I certainly do admire the beauty of the most beautiful women on RSVP, but I certainly don't expect them to be interested in me.

And when I look at the photos of the least beautiful, if it's a face that I'd rather not see every morning above my meusli bowl, I'm motivated not even to read their profile.

I also have a theory that the most beautiful people have been so popular all their lives that they've never had to work as hard on relationships as the rest of us.

It's a bit like the saying "Dogs have masters, but cats have staff."

So I'm looking for my match or thereabouts - someone who thinks I'm about as yummy as I think she is. That way, nobody is out of their depth.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 31, 2008 10:15 AM

yaahmule, Dante Moore is entitled to his opinion and his book.....but in my opinion it is a pile of shit.....maybe he thinks that by putting women back 78-80 years may justify why he is failing at relationships...who knows....but he wrote it for americans, who are very insular and frankly uneducated in world history and affairs...so much so that I think they are a very weird and scary people....so they would probably believe such crap advice!!!!!

We are Australian, women have worked hard to be equal, and we are equal, men are good at stuff, women are good at stuff, and we are all equal. A relationship is a 2 way street, and it would never be a 2 way street if a woman has to do what she is told to do!!!!!! and wear sexy clothes while she cooks and cleans, you have got to be kidding!!!!!

how about the man wearing the sexy clothes while he cooks and we will keep my house cleaner on for the housework!!!!!!

I am really surprised that you wrote about that book here, and I sincerely hope that it doesn't reflect your real opinions, cause if it does....good luck in getting a partner...have a lovely sunday...jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at August 31, 2008 10:14 AM

Posted by: softfeather at August 30, 2008 7:58 PM

Yes your grandfather is right, it must be abit like a recuring nightmare :)

PS its always good to see you stick your head up in this blog & take that chance of being broadsided, I always like your imput :)))

Posted by: outbackdrifter at August 31, 2008 9:50 AM

I enjoyed the Muleteer's post at 7.01pm for 2 reasons:

He was reporting on a new book that is rather far from politically correct (and in a free society we need a few people to escape the emotion-eliminating bondage of PC now and then.)

And he did it in a way that totally discredited the geek author's misogynist dummyspit - if you were reading for the Mule's whole message.

Some obviously didn't, so we have some emotion back in this blog again to enliven it.

PS: I think I read somewhere that Australian obesity now exceeds that in the USA, but I haven't seen an agegroup/gender breakdown for either country.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 31, 2008 9:40 AM

I have just come home from a function to raise money for Camp Quality at a Bowling club...3 live bands........there is NO man drought! Men everywhere,men,men,men,men.....drunk,generousus,friendly men.......

Yule.......comparing Australian women to US women is pointless.........although our obesity rate is climbing.it cannot compare to Aussie women........British women.frankly I do not know.

That author has never found true love..i doubt he ever will...i think it is he who has the problem! What is it meant to be...something that lasts and lasts or what most of us have felt..........words often fail to be able to adequately describe it!!!!!

I am sure that just as there are many men and women who don't believe appearance is of the utmost importance,there are just as many who obsess about their looks!

Being beautiful,slim and sexy(male and female) is no guarantee....it is a bonus.but then again.beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

anyway...lots of people will be sleeping alone tonight......lots will have someone to snuggle up to.....and for those who have someone to keep them wrm tonight.i doubt it is going to bother them whether they have shaved their legs,have perfect skin etc.......

i love beauty.but i am wary of a man who is constantly looking at himself in the mirror.Maybe that's the author's problem........he is so "in love" with himself"....and what type of person,seriously would go out and waste their money on that???? Ok.......a desperate one...no wonder they are solo......they have not learned to love themslves first.

Other people don't make you happy.......they can enrich your life...happiness is within.

sweet dreams.may you all have erotic dreams tonight!!!
R

Posted by: musicteacher at August 31, 2008 12:37 AM

yaahmulegiddyup, you may have just inadvertantly shot yourself in the foot with the blog you posted this evening. Lots of people read these blogs without ever contributing. True the slim women may not be offended by it some of it but I am sure they will be affronted by some of the sexist viewpoints.

Posted by: missgentle at August 30, 2008 11:51 PM

creative stuart August 29, 2008 at 1.21pm
A little difficult to find you in the movies, where it is dark and you are not allowed to talk. You should hang out in the coffee shop next to the cinema (there is usually one located nearby). Where is "in borders on a lazy evening"? Please enlighten me. Cant find your profile either.

Posted by: mobile3 at August 30, 2008 10:42 PM

Depends what you are really looking for, love ? A trophy wife ? Someone to support you ?
For as long as men are shallow and women continue carrying check lists of non existent ideal man there will always be a shortage.
Not saying we should resort to arranged marriages, far from it, just maybe to realise that at the end of the day we is all just humans and being as such we are far from perfect.

Posted by: sincerelyseeking at August 30, 2008 10:20 PM

You know what - i don't think it matters whether Perth, Mule or even ERAL for that matter are real flesh and blood. This is a blog (in case no one has noticed) and the opinions that are posted are just that; opinions. They may be agreed with, disagreed with or debunked; whatever! How exactly does the demographic of the individual relate to the opinions they hold. Nothing. Their opinions should be scrutinised alone and no more.

On RSVP i have met swingers, conmen and more men than i can remember who are just interested in sex. They do not state these facts on their profiles, they come to light through communication and meeting. Nothing is going to change that unfortunately. My point is, interacting with Perth, Mule or ERAL on the blogs does not mean anything unless the communication goes off-line and a meeting is arranged. This will always be at their option not ours. So, like so many things in life; s**t happens, deal with it!

PS Mule, no matter how perfect the outside, nothing beats being beautiful on the inside. You do nothing for me.

Posted by: aqueousdb66 at August 30, 2008 10:08 PM

Posted by: waternymph47 at August 30, 2008 2:01 PM - Missed my intentions entirely...

Posted by: heart2heart57 at August 30, 2008 8:44 PM

Posted by: musicteacher at August 30, 2008 1:27 PM - The 'blessing' is life itself...

Posted by: heart2heart57 at August 30, 2008 8:35 PM

Posted by: aliane at August 30, 2008 7:33 PM - Walk. And keep on walking...

Posted by: heart2heart57 at August 30, 2008 8:32 PM

Alaine: A strong person would know that a leopard never changes it's spots.........but most,including me would give it another go....just in case!

We are not on about who is real and who isn't again are we?????

WHO CARES(esp. if you are talking about blablibdribblebibble!!!!)

Posted by: musicteacher at August 30, 2008 8:24 PM

Posted by: aliane at August 30, 2008 7:33 PM

This has never happened to me in my life & to tell you the truth l really dont know how l would jump if it did :)

Posted by: outbackdrifter at August 30, 2008 8:20 PM

aliane at 7:33 PM: You home tonight too, A? Sit on my knee and we'll discuss it.

I think it depends on what happened before. If you got on well before, that's a good sign.

If you drifted apart, maybe because one was uncomfortable about committing, or the other threw him out before they'd lived together the full fatal 26 weeks, that's good.

If you'd started to have rows or other unpleasantness or unfairness, so that one withdrew, that's bad. It would happen again, and that's worse.

If the sex had stayed awesome, that's a powerful tractor factor.

If one had gone off so they could take up with someone else, will it happen again?

Etc. etc.

Circumstances alter cases.

Now pop down off my knee and go tell Mr Svengali what we've been discussing, while I cook dinner.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 30, 2008 8:13 PM

Quote

Here's some question..

What you gonna do if your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend would like to reconcile and fix the differnce...he/she will do anything to win you back...Would you give a second chance? would you believed they change for good? isn't a regretful that, they found a good person then let it go. thinking they can find far better person until realized they already found the right one....? but the damage is done.....
what you gonna do???

Posted by: aliane at August 30, 2008 7:33 PM

I would suggest that you do not live your life backwards and only look yonder to the horizon

Why visit where you have already been to see if it has changed and by doing so risk what could be great treasure yet to be found

Posted by: yaahmulegiddyup at August 30, 2008 8:00 PM

Outback re ya post @ 7.23.
I'm becoming too frightened to venture out onto the firing range.....
My Grandad had a saying "Some people go through life repeatedly getting shot in the foot but they forget who pulled the trigger"... :)

Posted by: softfeather at August 30, 2008 7:58 PM

laughsandtalks at 6:33 PM:

1) You put it so sweetly.

2) Marcus, one of the best insights I ever got from R.E. at high school was that fact and faith are mutually contradictory.

Where facts are absent/unknown, faith leaps in to fill the vacuum. And even transcontinental leaps are no sweat for a good robust faith.

As far as I'm concerned, Dr Goebbels has won the battle for the minds and hearts of the blogmenschen. I've taken Greg's advice and am flying home from Munich. Bwark! Bwark!

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 30, 2008 7:35 PM

Here's some question..

What you gonna do if your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend would like to reconcile and fix the differnce...he/she will do anything to win you back...Would you give a second chance? would you believed they change for good? isn't a regretful that, they found a good person then let it go. thinking they can find far better person until realized they already found the right one....? but the damage is done.....
what you gonna do???

Posted by: aliane at August 30, 2008 7:33 PM

Mule, I can see you still Havent changed that grip

Posted by: outbackdrifter at August 30, 2008 7:23 PM

Okay so lets all agree there is a man drought

Now for the women lucky enough to ensnare a man maybe this will help to keep him

Stay thin, obey your man - bestseller

August 30, 2008 05:35pm
Article from: The Daily Telegraph

Font size: + -

Send this article: Print Email

A SELF-help guide that tells women to stay thin and follow their man's orders if they want to keep him has become a bestseller.

The book, The Re-education Of The Female, also says women should wear sexy clothes while doing the cooking and cleaning.

Copies of first-time author Dante Moore's book have been flying off the shelves in the US, Britain's Daily Mail reports.

One piece of advice reads: "Men never really ask for anything. They command. And believe me, what you won't do, 10 broads around the corner will."

Advising women to stay slim to attract men, Moore also writes: "When you go to the grocery store to shop, do you pick out the nastiest-looking, most rotten, smelliest fruit or meat you can find?

"Oh you don't? Why not? It's the same with men when they see ... baby elephant-sized, out-of-shape women."

Moore, a 33-year-old computer engineer, says he wants to help women and wrote the book to show where they go wrong in relationships.

Moore himself has never married, has a girlfriend of two years, an 11-year-old son from a previous relationship and says he has never found true love.

Posted by: yaahmulegiddyup at August 30, 2008 7:01 PM

Spanky, I have & it turned out out bloody well :))))), I was asking weather anyone else had taken that chance & had stepped away from what they think they want or need in a partner ????

Posted by: outbackdrifter at August 30, 2008 6:37 PM

warped at August 30, 2008 5:00 PM
B29 was appropriate- some useful features, certainly an unpleasant notoriety, but generally regarded as unreliable, inaccurate, extremely high maintenance and now useful only for museums.
We still haven't got any further with the Pooches transcontinental verification process; MSNing is not social proof.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at August 30, 2008 6:33 PM

Posted by: outbackdrifter at August 30, 2008 4:18 PM

No outback, haven't.... unfortunately...... I did write once that I would like to meet someone that has that quality I didn't know I was looking for in a partner, which this sounds like........ Give it a go mate, sometimes it's just a feeling that sets us off in the right direction..... our ideal partner description is just an example of who we think we will "click" with, but you can't quantify intangibles.... that X factor........ imho Run with it and enjoy, see where it takes you and if its right back here, well all you've lost is a few minutes..... there's nothing to lose and all to gain...... good luck

Posted by: spanky668 at August 30, 2008 5:32 PM

Hey Drone, I was describing a phenomenon that does exist. That part of my post was not an opinion. The article described how men choose women who are slightly “less” old, successful, wealthy, intelligent etc. We could say the converse of women – that we choose men who are slightly ‘more” and the graph that accompanied the article had no gender bias. I was simply being economical with words. It has nothing to do with “shallow” or “deep” and I wasn’t criticizing men or women.

Imagine the cave….. the bloke has to be more “out there” in order to catch the bison and carry it home. And the Sheila has to stay quiet at the cave with the kids, picking the berries and the bones and birthing the babies without even boiling water. Choosing people appropriate for these roles is an old instinct that’s still expressing itself, largely unquestioned, thousands of years after the cave has been replaced with the imperatives of a mortgage and long old age.

It must be horrible having your post-divorce wealth evaluated by a woman. I hate having my smile lines and my soft tummy noticed. I am bored by men who measure me with a yardstick that is millennia out of date and, being on the rim of the bell-shaped curve, there is a drought of the other kind. An honest man I met recently told me I was ‘stupendous’. He meant he wanted to take me to bed. He didn’t ask “what sort of paintings do you paint?” or “why do you like yoga?” and couldn’t understand why I lost interest in him. This happens a lot.

I am suggesting that we should all be working consciously with the situation ie compromising. The boys can see their smashemup movies while we go to the chickflicks. And we meet up afterwards to enjoy the things we like doing together and share our news. I can compromise on everything except chemistry and being with someone who isn’t interested in inside.

Grego7, surely your mates who have lost interest have no place on rsvp.

CreativeStuart - start being positive! You are on the rim of the bell shaped curve. There are fewer to choose from out there.

Timewarp - Yes, sorry my profile has to be hidden. My previous opinions have created havoc with my social life!!! I don't live in a timewarp. I have just bought Dark Side of the Mooon again. (hint)

Posted by: graceandwit at August 30, 2008 5:25 PM

amourmoi08 at 8:27 AM: I reckon that was payback for mentioning jillhammers, eh? Well, you can fool some .....well, some of them, eh?

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 30, 2008 5:00 PM

grego7 at 3:14pm on 29th: Another letter by Pony Express:

1) re Perth: I haven't mentioned the words doll, puppet or even Santa recently, although I've responded to 'her' posts at least once a day since I last did. Finis.

2) "Digs at kurli" Wha? Each time kurli has a go at me, I reply civilly and carefully in my own defence. Otherwise I don't mention her.

Just look at the posts, for example in this blog on 28th:

1) kurli @ 10am, TW reply 1.17pm, totally supporting her.

2) kurli 2.20pm, TW reply 6.36pm.

3) kurli 10.27pm (her best yet), TW reply 11.21pm.

3) No, Greg. Definitely not the one that drenched Vietnam with Agent Orange. And no-one got it anyway, so it's back to WB.

OK now? ciao

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 30, 2008 4:45 PM

I would like ask you all question, Have you ever come across a profile thats nothing like what you are looking for in a partner but something clicks.....it might be something about the photo or something written in the profile or might be something you just cannot pull your finger on, all you know is that you have this feeling that you need to try & make contact with this person ???

Posted by: outbackdrifter at August 30, 2008 4:18 PM

As I sit read all the posts over the last few days, I really think we are going around in circles, everyone is saying basely the same thing but just in our own way.
as we talk about what we want & dont want in partner I am starting to wonder weather we not dehumanising this whole search.
we seem to be really getting hang up on what in the profile & what is wanted in ideal partners profile............Are we searching for a kindred spirit or are we going shopping ?

Posted by: outbackdrifter at August 30, 2008 4:08 PM

waternymph47 at August 30, 2008 2:01 PM . Well said. My eldest son lives with his "partner" of 4 years anf have bought a house together, my youngest has a girlfriend in Thailand (they have been together for 3 years). I met my x when I was 18, we dated for 2 years, got engaged, married at 21,bought a house and had kids. Who did/is doing things the right way.Clearly theTtradithe thing I dislike most about dating etc. t

Posted by: blueyedblond at August 30, 2008 3:07 PM

grego7 August 29, 2008 1:51
It looked like you were off the estrogen supplements earlier with your comments about the ruggedly independant 50 yo blokes.
Back on it now though I see once the alphaflambes shadow appeared in the doorway. Do you seriously suggest that if a 50 yo man partners with or dates attractive, smart, high achieving 40 year olds his mates will call him a wanker? Or is that what you think a group of i.m.a.w. menopausal cohorts might like men to think? FFS.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at August 30, 2008 2:09 PM

(that good ole 'wish list' is drifting into unrealistic expectations, for both sexes? Now, more than ever, in this 'try before you buy' culture it all seems to be turning into a blur, and the goalposts are constantly moving.
Values and morals seem to be dropping off by the wayside, and life appears to be mocking those 'reality' shows, rather than the other way around. How on earth does the current nubile generation take that next step into 'marriage'?)
Well H2H I like to think I must be doing something right as my 28 yr old son married a Vietnamese lady last year without any try before you buy and is currently taking birth control responsibility as he does not want a family till they return to Oz .. hopefully next year!
I raised my kids to find their own religious beliefs and altho he's not believer .. he married in her church and will happily escort her to church each Sunday.
My daughter knew her partner long before they got together and even tho she moved in with him they made long term plans re starting a family and getting married with a view to both working and saving toward this end. As things go .. baby turned up before the wedding and put a dent in their finances & wedding is on the back burner. Regardless I think I raised 2 kids to believe in long term commitment ... and despite ... or perhaps because .. their own parents split up .. they seem determined to be in it for the long haul.
I too want to be in it for the long haul .. and tho my age is fast relegating me to the "Past use by date" I refuse to under value myself and just accept whatever lands on my doorstep. I believe that no matter what my age I still have values & moral I wish to live by and see that as a plus not a minus. I'm looking for Mr Right , not just Mr Rightnow!

Posted by: waternymph47 at August 30, 2008 2:01 PM

aqueousdb66 at August 29, 2008 10:09 PM : I wasn't sure exactly where in that post your tongue snuck into your cheek.

But it got me thinking about biological clocks, and blokes as well as chicks.

In my generation most people married about 4 years after they left full-time education. At about 17 to 19 if they'd left at the end of primaty school; about 24 or 25 if they'd been to uni.

Now the girls seem to be waiting till their biological alarm clocks go off at about 35. But most of them are not waiting that long to hit the cot. You try on a lot of shoes, while you're saving up for the gorgeous $500 pair you'll eventually buy.

I was very greatly impressed with the article about modern american men in their 20s and early 30s at

http://www.geocities.com/remarksman/manshortage.html

Thanks for that reference, Muleteer.

It says that this age group is refusing to grow up, put their video games away, get into the ratrace, marry, take out a mortgage and start fathering children (and paying for the privilege).

It says they can now get the sex without any strings attached - and some cooking and housework too, with luck. The benefits of having a wife, without the costs, or even the commitment.

And if women their age are wanting to settle down, there are always younger women who don't. Women who are willing to be almost anybody's "free sample".

At the age of 36 x 2, this info. is only of theoretical interest to me. But what about women in their 60s?

A lot of them now only want a personal playmate for whatever they like to do as a couple, from cook to cuddle, beachwalk to Barossa, opera to orgasm.

But they're still specifying the man as precisely as if he was intended to be their next breeding partner, including bankrolling the brood while they're out of the workforce breeding.

No wonder they think there aren't enough (suitable) men to go around. Cyndie Lauper may have got the gender wrong when she sang "Girls just want to have fun."

Maybe the answer is replacing "who doesn't deserve me" with "who could enrich my life?"

Which was Stuart's point this morning.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 30, 2008 1:57 PM

Heart2heart:

I think you write beautifully too,and it's wonderful that you are not afraid to admit you are a "Romantic".

at 9.28 am re "bubbly people"...

Spot on!

Round shape...haha...........Brick shape,Pear shape,knock knees,jug ears,big nose,big bum,no bum,beer gutted intellectually changed,lacking in common sense...there is someone for everyone!

We forget how lucky we are,to count our blessings instead of wondering why "all people can't be a certain way"..........(what a stupid way to think!)

Cheers all......we are going to my mum's for lunch.....stuffed zuccini's......yum!!!

Posted by: musicteacher at August 30, 2008 1:27 PM

datelessnotdesperat at August 30, 2008 1:40 AM ..
Good for you that you quit smoking and stayed quit for 17 yrs now! Not all smokers can.
I quit when I knew I was pregnant & daughter is a healthy 31 now with a 10month old son.
A friend in WA quit 5-6 years ago with my encouragement and soon had enough money saved to take a trip back to England to visit the rellies with a European tour along the way.
Sadly the quitters still are out numbered by the 'not sure I can/want to quit' types.
I just hate being around the smell of a smoker.
Feel free to check out my profile and let me know if anything in there sounds like I'm puting up bariers or turning guys away. I think Ive made it clear in my blogs too that I'm a country girl not a city slicker so there is another area Ive shown myself to be open to. Yet sufficiently sophiticated to blend into just about any area I choose to live in.
Accepting any thing and anyone that comes along may get you a lot of dates .. but is that all you want ??? I personally am looking for something with the possibility to become so much more!

Posted by: waternymph47 at August 30, 2008 12:32 PM

Posted by: amberlight58 at August 30, 2008 10:18 AM and to some extent Posted by: missgentle at August 30, 2008 10:22 AM - Could it be that these days that good ole 'wish list' is drifting into unrealistic expectations, for both sexes? Now, more than ever, in this 'try before you buy' culture it all seems to be turning into a blur, and the goalposts are constantly moving.

Values and morals seem to be dropping off by the wayside, and life appears to be mocking those 'reality' shows, rather than the other way around. How on earth does the current nubile generation take that next step into 'marriage'? There seems to be so much confusion and conflict around that the whole decision making process becomes based on wading through a quagmire of irrelevant falsehoods. Which bits are 'nice to have', and which ones are true values? A system that runs out of values would be a difficult system to navigate...

Posted by: heart2heart57 at August 30, 2008 11:06 AM

h2h57, you write some really good stuff sometimes, even better is that you write so well.

And yes, I also believe that you attract what you are putting out. If it is negative vibes, that is what you will
get back. If it is positive, you will attract positive back.

I have had this belief since I was about 22. I was in a group of girlfriends, who I am still friends with...my sister and I were the only married ones in the group at that time. We used to all go out on occaisional girls nights, drink a lot and dance, my sister and I were the ones that still got asked to dance all the time...and we worked out it was because we were the happy fun ones in the group, we didn't care if we got asked or not, cause we were not trying to attract men ,like the single girls were, so we would drink and get up and dance with each other.... and we had a lot of fun...next thing you know guys are asking us to dance, do you want a drink etc etc....so we would try to tell the single girls, get up with us, have some fun, laugh, smile, and the guys will come to you.......now I can't say the same method will work now that I am old.....but I still have fun out....my sister and I recently sang our whole way thru mama mia, we had a ball.......and we were with my same girlfriends again....and at the end I looked at my sister and said....shit it woulf have been better with more audience participation!!!!!

But my point being is that you really do attract what ever Vibes/karma/moods you are putting out. And people charge other people for this type of advice...just my thoughts...jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at August 30, 2008 10:55 AM

Posted by: junebaby57 at August 30, 2008 9:43 AM - "Round" is a shape too, yanno :)

Posted by: heart2heart57 at August 30, 2008 10:46 AM

Drone, H2h and ELF great posts and so true!

Posted by: amberlight58 at August 30, 2008 10:39 AM

blueyedblond at 9:07 PM posted "TW Thank you for your kind words (I think they were)."
Yes, they were.

"I did write a lengthy reply to your post August 29, 2008 10:11 AM but as usual the rsvp gremlin gobbled it up."
They do that sometimes. Wish they hadn't that time, because I'd have loved to have your honest feedback, which we all can benefit from, now and then.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 30, 2008 10:36 AM

Posted by: junebaby57 at August 30, 2008 9:43 AM

WTG Jewels...this somehow got move to the 'Break up" blog, as Perth replied to me in there.

I was just saying the exact thing !!

It's not just my height...I am just shy of 5'10" ...like you, I am also a curvy girl (16-18) so a guy shorter and slimmer than me...looks absolutely ridiculous !!! It makes me feel weird.

My ex was a footy/cricket player and he was 6'6". I actually looked petite next to him...LMAO

And yes...most men seem to only want the petite girls....oh well

Posted by: starryeyez at August 30, 2008 10:33 AM

To all the men out there. I think you are halving your potential dates by selecting women with no children and who are athletic and slim, Be realistic, a lot of women in their late 30s have already had children and very few can go by the category of athletic and slim, Broaden your horizons a bit and you will find a wealth of women to pick from. I think men are looking for a mystical fantasy that rarely exists today. I am more open minded about who I will share my heart with, or at least send kisses too.

Posted by: missgentle at August 30, 2008 10:22 AM

Stuart.. The only baggage I carry around these days is my beauty case, a girl has to look her best at any age.
Posted by: blueyedblond at August 29, 2008 9:07 PM

LOL and well said!

Posted by: datelessnotdesperat at August 30, 2008 1:40 AM

I am really surprised you can find "less demanding or conditioned young things" these days, dateless!
My observation of today's younger women is that they are much choosier than my generation ever was!
Many of my friends married the first bloke they ever went out with.

Unless of course, a young woman has low self-esteem and doesn't think she is worthy of being choosy.
You do still meet those young women and my heart goes out to them, because when your self-esteem is low and you choose unwisely, it takes years to gain enough self-esteem and self-respect to get out of the relationship.
Some women never manage it and so if they do leave, just go from unhappy relationship to unhappy (or even worse) relationships, never believing in themselves or thinking they could do better.

You are probably a nice bloke, but most older women are the way they are because thay have been "conditioned" by previous sad experiences, as your opinions would be no doubt formed by your past experiences.

"Demanding" that you will be treated respectfully and not taken for granted is surely the expectation of any person, male or female?

I am curious to know what you mean by the term "holding out"? As in your paragraph:

"All worthwhile friendships and relationships involve participation and taking risks and those not prepared to extend themselves run the risk of being "past their useby or useful date" in the eyes of others. Unfortunately by holding out rather than ever taking the risks more mature ladies end up more the ones labelled so."

Posted by: amberlight58 at August 30, 2008 10:18 AM

drone@10pm, you are a very wise person. If we could all reflect more on how our state of mood affected how we viewed others, we would be better situated to deal with issues we see as in others - when so often they come from our own inner difficulties. And the one thing we can change is ourselves, not others!

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at August 30, 2008 10:06 AM

Good morning blogsville, it is actually warm here in the capital.

Sydney weekend is that the 27th?? taht will fit well.

Desperat, so good to read you again, cause yu always make sense. What does FRANCE mean, ae you going there?

Re the height thing, I am 5'8" and wear heels, I am also a big girl, sooo I am comfortable with tall big men. You have to be comfortable with who ever you are with and I have gone out with short men, many times, and I admit...it is my problem, I am not comfortable as I feel like I am in 'land of the giants' So I have 5'10"and above on my profile....

BUT I don't have a body shape preference...SOOO using the same logic, all the men that want slim women.....and there are heaps out there.......should change there body preference the same way I am told I should change my height preference??????

A bet for you, if all the men change thier body preference from slim or athletic to accept all body types...I will change my height preference!!!!!!! have a lovely saturday all...jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at August 30, 2008 9:43 AM

Posted by: drone at August 29, 2008 10:00 PM - Ahhh... now you're onto something. Where you're at, and what you project out certainly does influence what comes back. It's logical that if you feel miserable, and act miserable, people will see you as a miserable person.

This all comes back to the love of yourself. Ok, life might not be a bunch of roses and a box of chocolates (or whatever floats your boat), but it rarely always is. Trick is not to let it get on top. Easy to say, not so easy to do. Baby steps. A day at a time. One foot in front of the other. "Forever - for now". Cliched, but they work.

If we keep the positive outlook, and project that positive image, similar things will start to surround us. And that, my friend, can only happen when we are at peace with ourselves. That's not to say we don't grow and change, but that we keep faith in ourselves.

Do you think that bubbly, happy people don't have crap going on in their lives? That they haven't been hurt, lost, or suffered some of life's misfortunes? As we travel down this long and dusty road we call 'life', it's inevitable that we will encounter hardships. It's then down to how we process them, and how we show ourselves to the rest of the world that others notice.

Maybe there isn't a drought at all - just a lack of positive, fun loving like-minded people...

Posted by: heart2heart57 at August 30, 2008 9:28 AM

Hi all!

Blueyed,Junebaby....terrific.

Maestrac was telling me there is an RSVP event on at the Greenwood..........so we could go along if we are able to from The Oaks.

Have a great weekend all!!!!!!

Posted by: musicteacher at August 30, 2008 9:09 AM

Posted by: aqueousdb66 at August 29, 2008 5:57 PM - sick em Rex - well said.

TW: I will speak old school for you but will put in a way so that the young will also understand.

You are like we youngings like to say as twisted and bent in all the wrong spots.

I have come to believe that you may feel yourself young as much as you like and suspect you may do that in you own peace and quite of the darkness long after you have logged off. ouch hey ?????????/

Mr Marcus want to join forces with Eral and MT in a cyber flogging?

And here is "Heads up" I can kick butt!!!!

But I will only kick your butt If I choose to so bite me ;-) no not you mt cause we are both girls that are neither gay or two short of a threesome.

Drifter please dispense more drinks and MT can you add a dash of gin, chilli, ginger and garlic to those vegies just so I can get through the day..

ps I am feeling better thank you for asking.

Bliss kiss/waves hello and good morning to ya all. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Peace out xx

ps please disconnect from your modems for at least one hour today and enjoy the sunshine and company of others xx

Posted by: amourmoi08 at August 30, 2008 8:27 AM

To waternymph47 Fair crack pf the whip about the smoking. I was persuaded at 7pm on the 7th October 1991 that there were better things to do with your hands, lips, tongue and mouth than smoking ..the persuasion has lasted near 17 years and yes there also lots of more other pleasures enjoyed on the money saved.. 50.cigs costs $3.50 a packet then and I used to suck on 120 a day.. on a quiet day ! back to the blog subject There aren't many ladies who venture outback who don't find out what men really want and are prepared to honour

creativestuart You seem to be on the reality track as far a unrealistic expectations of the dreamers who think just by wishing they get whatever it is that they expect from the "preconceived box" of requirements they've set for themselves.

What this group don't seem to conceive is that many of the guys in their age group aren't in the "mandrought" at all but out chasing much younger and less demanding nor conditioned "young things" who incidentally usually don't have as much baggage or kids. All worthwhile friendships and relationships involve participation and taking risks and those not prepared to extend themselves run the risk of being "past their useby or useful date" in the eyes of others. Unfortunately by holding out rather than ever taking the risks more mature ladies end up more the ones labelled so.

To quote an old saying "There's gold in them there distant hills" is so very true throughout the areas where men and, more so now, women, are actually working and enduring isolation and being well rewarded for their efforts.

Those that share a little of the hardships with them are usually well appreciated and compensated for their companionship. Think it over my friends.
Posted by datelessnotdesperat PS No! I haven't been unfaithful to my blogger friends or deserted you..my computer just suffered a long and painful near death experience died and has just been reborn Take care and be nice to each other. We may never pas this way again. FRANCE

Posted by: datelessnotdesperat at August 30, 2008 1:40 AM

Well I am in my late 40's and what I am seeing is a woman drought. I guess it is all pretty subjective. I am, after all, only looking for ONE lady - but it seems all the good ones are gone.

Posted by: velvetgloved at August 30, 2008 12:00 AM

Posted by: lookin4missright2 at August 29, 2008 6:44 AM
Could it just possibly be that once a woman has fleeced her current man for all she can extract, she feels that she is unable to 'back trade'?
Along with female emancipation has come the idea that it is a woman's perogative to expect bigger and better results from each successive 'skinning' of us mere males.

Well I'm gobsmacked!!!, what the heck are you doing on a dating website if that's how you feel about women. Someone sure did a number on you. I have to say, you're not doing yourself any favours saying things like that.

Posted by: maestrac at August 29, 2008 11:51 PM

Hi all, this is my first time blogging. I would like to add a comment. Firstly, I am quite tall so yes I would love a guy to be taller than me. If he's not thats ok. I am fed up with guys whinging about us girls going on about height when 90% of guy's profiles prefer women with athletic or slim builds. Where is the pot calling the kettle black? I have no preferences on my profile for height or weight in a man. The heart should be the determining factor.

Posted by: missgentle at August 29, 2008 11:21 PM

Now personally i like to arrange different dates for friday and saturday nights. Most guys are very obliging but after a while they become way too clingy, expecting me to explain who i'm seeing, where i'm going, even who i'm chatting to!

So what if i've penchant for bottom feeders, who cares! Community service, i say. After all, not as if committed relationships exist, do they? Love doesn't develop over time, no way the chemistry must be instant! So what if my mature set ways and attitudes interfere. Dating is about never taking responsibility for anyone's feelings, getting what you need and absolutely not taking the risk that your life might change for the better, OMG no! Looking forward to the day i remind myself when i'm older, alone and isolated how much fun those dating days were!

Posted by: aqueousdb66 at August 29, 2008 10:09 PM

Just a quick thought about being picky/having extensive lists, and so on.

There was a period of a few years, leading up to about 18 months ago, where I was feeling unhappy/lost in life.

One thing I noticed as my situation improved and I began to feel more settled and at peace, was that more women seemed attractive and interesting to me. This surprised me greatly.

It must have been that, in my miserable state, I kind of projected my own mental state out into the world, and everyone kind of looked worse/less attractive/less interesting. One way of expressing that would be to say that I was more picky at that time in my life.

I realise that there are all sorts of reasons why people may have very selective standards, but if others have had similar experiences to myself, it makes me wonder whether loneliness, say, can actually make you more picky.

This seems kind of counterintuitive, since the way most people think is that a lonely person will automatically become more desperate, and therefore, less discriminating.

Posted by: drone at August 29, 2008 10:00 PM

Well in Nar Nar Goon there is a drought of women.....The HeraldSun said so just the other day........K

Posted by: auntykaz at August 29, 2008 9:16 PM

TW Thank you for your kind words (I think they were). I did write a lengthy reply to your post August 29, 2008 10:11 AM but as usual the rsvp gremlin gobbled it up. What I said was that if you looked 60 then I look 45... not meaning that I really did, just the comparison to you. What is a 58 year old woman supposed to look like. On a bad day I feel at least 60 :-( , on a good hair day I feel God damn gorgeous and would easy pass for 57 :-).
I hope I can make it to the Brisvegas Soiree, I will actually be in Bargara but will do my best.
Stuart.. The only baggage I carry around these days is my beauty case, a girl has to look her best at any age.

Posted by: blueyedblond at August 29, 2008 9:07 PM

I don't think there is a man drought...maybe a compatibility drought or being realistic drought. On the height issue, I have left that blank on my profile, I'm only 5'2" I figure most men are taller than me.

I have left my profile very open...I haven't made any must haves, and I myself figure that need to know someone just a bit more than 1 RSVP kiss and a cup of coffee before I can get a feel for whether there is a future or not.

Now all I need is a couple of kisses to work on :|

I send a couple out now and again but, like Stuart says the rejection rate does dampen ones confidence.

I may be over 50 but I am not dead, bedridden, or comatose...got lots of sparks for those that care to look a bit deeper :P

Posted by: aquamanda56 at August 29, 2008 8:50 PM

let me take it one step further, When you really meet a person for the very first time, our primal nature takes over & everything we think we want from a partner go,s out the door.
it all reverts back to what we see = that look ( im not talking about beauty ), = eye contacted, = body language, = that certain smell ( Im not talk perfume ) & of course last but not least that intangibil thing that we just can not put our finger on = X factor.
there are few more subconscious factors we bring into play.

In the end thats what we really base allot of the final verdict on :)))

Posted by: outbackdrifter at August 29, 2008 8:38 PM

TW I thought you put it beautifully, I was not having a go at you!

Posted by: lovetolaugh57 at August 29, 2008 8:13 PM

Drifter I think any of us who have been here a while go thru a shifting Kaleidascope of what we are seeking and regularly review the profile when things dont' seem to work .. or maybe that is just me. I dont think I asked for anything so hard and fast as to preclude too many ... then again if we dont work out what we want and stick with that then both me and the possible connectee will end up disapointed.
I think I tried to make my profile about who I am rather than what I want or don't want...with the exception of a smoker ... that is a non negotiable area. I have been out with guys who claimed they'd quit or were trying to .. it doesnt work .. sooner or later the cigarette cravings will win and I dont want to be some addict's co dependent! It's a no win situation!
With common interests ... or the lack of .. if you dont have any interest in comon .. where do you start from ? And background .. why would you as a man on the land want (for instance) a thorough city slicker. Like it or not .. we do need to have a criteria .. no matter how loosely framed!

Posted by: waternymph47 at August 29, 2008 7:34 PM

Well l have to say that it didn't dawn on me who TW was referring to when he has written K...l thought it was ME and was getting very confused, l must say......
As for calling WB B29 ditto, l thought B29 was a new blogger!!!
Now l don't mind Kaz, AuntyK or Auntykaz, cripes even Karen will do at a pinch (my actual name), but please don't get me any ore confuddled than l already am.......it wrecks my poor brain, especially by weeks end!!!......Regards, K, Kaz, and yes even Karen....................................K

Posted by: auntykaz at August 29, 2008 7:27 PM

I'd be happy to date say... 27 women? To, you know... take up the slack. They'd have to be inexpensive dates of course, because of my budget. The only limiting condition would be if one looked like ending in marriage; I'd have to wind down my dating life. But that's fairly unlikely.

Posted by: capriciousimp at August 29, 2008 7:03 PM

blueeyedblond: Ta for raising the veil. Just a tad over 45, I'd say. Probably 50, by the looks. Maybe 55 on a bad-hair day. Hope you're coming on the 27th of September.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 29, 2008 6:31 PM

outbackdrifter at August 29, 2008 4:11 PM

I think you may have just hit the nail on the head as to a major shortcomming in the current way people are looking!

And I feel, bassed upon the reading of hundreds of Girl's profiles that they are far worse at it than the majority of the boys, as displayed by the posts on this blog too.

I think the real differance is the Girls, certainly in the 30's age group are holding out for some preconceived ideal. Thus the Drought Myth, the predesigned male to fit in the tiny rigid box they have constructed isn't quickly presenting himself so there must be a shortage!

Where as the Guys are looking for a starting point, to then get to know the girls that are available. Experience each of those girls till we find one who likes us and we like the best for us that is available, then develop from there. So the guys think, well you have spent no time with me yet how cn you possibly say there is a shortage.

It is the total lack of flexability by many available, especially the girls (as they do the majority of selecting/rejecting after all) the lack of a willingness to look outside their preconceived ideal, their assumptions or their baggage. To just take the leap of faith and find someone wonderful!

Posted by: creativestuart at August 29, 2008 6:22 PM

outbackdrifter at 4:11 PM : You've put it so well. My problem is that the work experience kid's had nothing to do, and has rearranged all the shirts with the same colour together, instead of the same size together.

I'm colourblind, but I'm definitely only wearing XL, not L or 2XL. A shirt's got to fit, no matter what it looks like.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 29, 2008 6:17 PM

You just can't get good zucchini these days!

Posted by: aqueousdb66 at August 29, 2008 6:00 PM

Marcus: I saw no such sign today at MY Coles today! Have you seen the size of the White Cucumber? "I love big cucumbers and I cannot lie". Hmmm...what's for dinner?
Happy shopping!
R

Posted by: musicteacher at August 29, 2008 5:59 PM

Mule, what is your problem? Wouldn't matter whether the scenario applied to you or anyone else my answer would have been the same. Others have arrived at the same conclusion. Go figure?

Posted by: aqueousdb66 at August 29, 2008 5:57 PM

Musicteacher...my post never made it through yesterday but the Oaks is a great place to meet for sydney get together especially one of the pool rooms upstairs!

Jewels would love to catch up with you again at sydney meet!

Posted by: brilliantblue at August 29, 2008 5:55 PM

Hmmm, a middle aged woman fondling a zucchini in the middle of Coles supermarket.........now that's real class and originality I think...........not.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 29, 2008 4:52 PM

lovetolaugh57 at August 29, 2008 3:05 PM :

1) "I don't have any wish list. I just want someone to care for me as I am, as I would do for them.

Be that fat, ugly bald goodlooking or whatever in my eyes. They would be what I like, not to show off to other people.

I don't think that is an unreal expectation is it?" (Please pardon my insertion of some punctuation - I couldn't understand it without.)

LtL, that is the least unreal expectation I've ever read here. It's about the way you feel about your beloved, not the hoops they have to jump through, to qualify. You deserve someone who'll treasure you for the sweet-hearted jewel that you are.

2) " I can't believe this but TW 11.42am sums up what I would like nicely."

Why can't you believe it? Do I have to want what other blokes want? Or keep quiet about what a lot of blokes want, but it's not macho to admit it?

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 29, 2008 4:45 PM

ellililly at August 29, 2008 12:57 AM: Had a look at your profile, and saw practically nothing in it of the basic requirements that you listed so clearly in this post.

And wondered why you'd left out of your profile, the things you care about most?

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 29, 2008 4:24 PM

I think one of the biggest problem alot of have, Is we are looking for a tailer made partner in an off the rack world, how about dropping our preconception of who our partner should be & just take a leap of faith, you never know what the outcome might be :)))))

Posted by: outbackdrifter at August 29, 2008 4:11 PM

Thanks Grego, Well said, it all became so tedious and boring. WB has chosen that name and I was wondering who it was. It spoils the whole tone of the conversations on here. I talk to Kurli off line and another and I found that constant bombastic blasting incredibly self serving and egotistical at times.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 29, 2008 4:08 PM

musicteacher at August 29, 2008 3:36 PM
My local Coles has stopped selling zucchini over 6 long and an inch thick. There is a notice stating this and giving the reason as 'deference to the feelings of some of the male customers'

Posted by: laughsandtalks at August 29, 2008 3:56 PM

Posted by: laughsandtalks at August 29, 2008 3:22 PM

L&T, spot on..............

Posted by: outbackdrifter at August 29, 2008 3:55 PM

Posted by: creativestuart at August 29, 2008 2:48 PM

CS, get your facts right before you make statements like that

Posted by: outbackdrifter at August 29, 2008 3:52 PM

A lot of very fat balding short but powerful men seem to go for the very tall women. Probably have more to thank about in their lives than worrying about something you can't change. What's the point of even thinking about something you can't change and limit your chances so much....seems a little silly to me. Be tall, walk tall and be beautiful, a lot of tall women are.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 29, 2008 3:51 PM

Posted by: iaminperth at August 29, 2008 9:34 AM

Some of are, you just have to look ;)

Posted by: outbackdrifter at August 29, 2008 3:48 PM

I love cucumbers and zuccinis and carrots for that matter.Today,I was chosing some and noticed a man looking at me choosing my cucumbers.........so i put on a little matinee for him....feeling how ripe they were etc and of course i bought the biggest!!!!

Am I off the topic..you betcha!!!!!!

Comon guys and gals..........can't you smell the Jasmine and Freesias in the air?????

Whatever I have wanted in a man,I rarely have......when sparks fly I don't count the inches.i mean how tall he is.Fortunately I am a shorty so all men are taller.

i like the idea of a continental man,but both my husbands have been Australian,my boyfriend is also....so there is no point to a "shopping list" for me..........

Tassie....I am sure we are all delighted you are going to come up to Sydney............

OOps....time to go into Teacher mode..ahem....

Posted by: musicteacher at August 29, 2008 3:36 PM

Stuart.
I think we can agree on the rice issue but the mountain cattlemen and their destructive bovines (and horses) are another matter mate.
I've seen first hand how cattle foul pristine alpine lakes and bogs, erode and destroy creek beds and damage the soil and vegetation with their hooves. Lots of species of plants that have been absent from cow fouled country return quickly and the fauna follows. Cows are an ecological disaster in the really high country and best advice was adopted to have them removed. Like a lot of farming activity in this country the use of public parks and nature reserves was akin to a publicly subsidised mining operation where the goodness was extracted at far less than 'cost' when environmental issues where accounted for and with only limited sustainability. I can see and eat cattle anywhere, but how common are Pygmy mountain possums and Corroboree frogs and the like?
In those ecosystems lightning strike fires clean out the vegetation underlayer every few year and allow for germination and fertilisation. Human imposed fire fighting is often very poor management because blazes are extinguished early. The fuel load builds up and up and when there is a fire it is a big, very hot one that actually kills mature trees and plants. Erosion follows and so on.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at August 29, 2008 3:22 PM

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 29, 2008 10:25 AM

" I had noted some antagonism towards me in your recent posts... "

Timewarp, yes that is correct. I got a bit annoyed with your constant querying of Perth as a real person and your digs at Kurli. Please let both go and we will get along just fine..

And while you are about it I think Waterbombe dserves better than B29. You have the decency to not call her a B17 but really she is more like a B52 than a B29. If you really want to reflect her true worth you would perhps use Avro Lancaster. Now as most females on this site and a good number of men have no idea what we are talking about why dont you simply refer to the lady as Waterbombe or WB.
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at August 29, 2008 3:14 PM

starryeyez

I'm 5' 8" barefoot. I can be almost 6' when I'm wearing high heels.
My late husband was 6' 5" and I have 2 brothers that are 6'+.
In 2007 I was contacted by an RSVP who was 5' 6". Initially, I was
a little unsure about the height difference but his smile was adorable.
We are still together and the height thing doesn't bother either of us.

Posted by: egernia at August 29, 2008 3:12 PM

grego7 yes I reread it and my (female) eyes read "you are over 50 and the majority of men over 50 are not interested so give up. lol , what are the good ideas?? then the next message was we have nothing to offer!!I don't have any wish list I just want someone to care for me as I am, as I would do for them be that fat ugly bald goodlooking or whatever in my eyes they would be what I like not to show off to other people. I don't think that is an unreal expectation is it? I can't believe this but TW 11.42am sums up what I would like nicely

Posted by: lovetolaugh57 at August 29, 2008 3:05 PM

laughsandtalks at August 29, 2008 2:30 PM

I agree with a lot of your thoughts on the snow culture...

We kick the Mountain cattlemen out who care for the country, manage and look after it and have been there over 150 years, yet we encourage the impact of the ski season. And then we also get horrific fire because the grasses that were once kept under contol by the cattle are now there to fuel the fires.

Same with Rice growing, how insane for the driest continant on earth and especially so in the very dry Riverina!

Posted by: creativestuart at August 29, 2008 2:48 PM

yaahmulegiddyup at 2:11 PM: Methinks the gentleman doth protest too much. Much too much.

Lucky you're aqeuous, db. Best defence there is against being flamed.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 29, 2008 2:46 PM

Height, age, education requirement. I couldn't care less what criteria women might imagine is their ideal to fill spaces on a profile. In the same way that most people seem to exercise poetic licence with their published specifications I choose to contact, within reason anyone who takes my minds eye.
I'm 5' 8" and have dated and related with women from over 6' to under 5' with no problems. If you have good self esteem are confident and interesting and not a bragger (or a whiner) off you go. It's about how high you ride in the saddle, not your vertical dimension.
The local snow culture. What a selfish, elitist seasonal wank.
Australia is a sunbunt country with 17000 kilometres of coastline, vast beaches and myriad opportunities for all sorts of cheap outside recreation. Why people choose to pay the highest prices in the world for snow cavorting on mountains that are pimples by world standards remains mysterious.
The snow fields in this country are by definition in rare, once pristine alpine country and are often important habitats for rare and threatened species. Human impact is considerable and long lasting. Major commercially driven snow industry and infrastructure probably has a place but like say rice growing, preferably in a country with a suitable climate, not here.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at August 29, 2008 2:30 PM

aqueousdb66

YOU have jumped to an assumption - just because I ask a question the reason being to gain a better understanding or seek different views DOES NOT mean it has happened to ME at all.

So you are totally 100 % incorrect aqueousdb66 - no such thing has happened to me.

Posted by: yaahmulegiddyup at August 29, 2008 2:11 PM

Posted by: lovetolaugh57 at August 29, 2008 11:16 AM

LtoL, please go back and read my original post of 11.31pm last night carefully because I believe there are some good ideas there which may help 50s+ women.

I think you will understand what I am saying.

My partner knows the guys and loves them dearly for the genuine pople they are. Again please read the original post.
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at August 29, 2008 2:04 PM

yaahmulegiddyup at August 29, 2008 12:20 PM

I have sent the response you speak of on occasion as when I have sucess it of course is when another becomes interested, Murphies law and all, and then once that fizzeled, gone back to the first lady. My profile was on too as I was using this forum to communicate with the first girl.

As we all agree the girls get lots of contact it is a polite way to say "please wait" if it is used honestly.

So yes give the second chance and see how you go. Look then tio see if the profile goes off when the two of you connect..

Posted by: creativestuart at August 29, 2008 1:57 PM

Waterbombe and Esprit,

Two of my favourite ladies. In answer to your posts of both at the same time of 10.49am.

Firstly, WB, yes it is a bit sad. It is not the age of the women. I used 50s+ because that is the age group of my friends and I. We have discussed younger woman and I have to say that all the guys I know think a 50s+ guy trying ( or even succeeding) with a much younger woman is a wa**ker. The way they see it is "you couldn't get a bird of your own age so you had to get a chickee bird" To our group the much younger woman is a sign of failure not success.

I dont know how representative they are although I guess I had similar views for about 8 years. My gut feel is that there are a large number of men like that. As you correctly say, they are not mysogenists and care about women.

Esprit, yes I would have thought that get 'em close to a nice woman and nature might take over. A few of us and our partners have tried that. It cuts me up when I hear such horrific stories of how some bad men behave. It would give me massive satisfaction if these men, who are true men whom you could pin your life on, were intereted enough to find a woman.
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at August 29, 2008 1:51 PM

Muleteer at 12.37pm: "Oh and for those men that are not happy with the height situation -- I have seen many profiles on RSVP where women say for example "at most 5' 9"

Yes, and in my experience they're all under 5 foot 2 themselves - it's just Mini Me copying Me, in minature.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 29, 2008 1:42 PM

My norty gremlin just had a wicked interfering thought: When someones sends the kiss reply of "seeing someone else", RSVP could add a computer programme sub-routine that automatically hides the replier's profile, till they notice and say Toyota! and open it again. Down, Fang!

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 29, 2008 1:36 PM

espritlibrefemme at August 29, 2008 11:22 AM

Fabulous Post....

Posted by: creativestuart at August 29, 2008 1:26 PM

mobile3 at August 29, 2008 11:55 AM

You are spot on that you won't find decent single guys in the clubs, they didn't interest me when I was 20 and interest me less now I am 40!

You might find someone like me at the movies or in borders on a lazy evening though.

Posted by: creativestuart at August 29, 2008 1:21 PM

Mule, being the up-front guy i'd like to believe you are, you should give this Mulette a second chance. Despite opinion to the contrary here, she has contacted you quite possibly with sincere intent as TW says. Don't play others games.

Posted by: aqueousdb66 at August 29, 2008 1:19 PM

brilliantblue at 12:54 PM: "Its not about lacking any spine...its about not hurting the other person!"

Which is soooo disgustingly patronising, as well as dishonest, because it denies you the useful knowledge that "they're just not into you", which would let you cross them definitely off your list, and keep looking elsewhere.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 29, 2008 1:18 PM

Muleteer at 12.20pm: Interesting questions.

1) "You send someone a kiss - they respond they are thrilled but recently replied to someone else -- is this response one for those without the spine to say directly "thanks but no thanks " ?"

I believe it often is. So if I really like the sound of them I send another kiss 3 or 4 months later if their profile stayed up, or else when their profile reappears again.

Then I usually get the real reply and not another stall - now it's nearly always "No thanks" or "Email please".

2) "do you give them a second chance later if they contact you?"

I believe the reply of "checking some one else out" doesn't always mean they are, OR that they're too unempathic to say "No".

Third reason: you sound possible, but they are only meeting one bloke at a time, and you're not yet at the top of the list yet.

In the late 1990s I answered over 300 ladies' personals in the newspaper. Only ever heard back from one in 7, so RSVP is a lot better.

One woman phoned me out of the blue after about 2 months to ask for a dinner date.

Over dessert she told me she put an ad in the paper and got about 30 replies. Weeded out half a dozen who sounded definitely unpromising, then had dinner with the rest at the rate of one a week.

Then she'd put another ad in the paper, to give her a social life for the next 5 or 6 months. Contacted me again about 2 years later, asking for help with a problem.

So if she says not at the moment, but later sends you a kiss, I'd guess you'd now come to the top of her IN tray. So if your ego is comfortable about a woman having choice too, I'd go for it.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 29, 2008 1:06 PM

Come Yaahmulegiddyup....of course they're trying to say no thanks in the nicest possible way. Its not about lacking any spine...its about not hurting the other person!

Posted by: brilliantblue at August 29, 2008 12:54 PM

TW, exactly! Toooooo heavy....how on earth can such a feeling be attractive to going further???
An yaahmule....there is a great saying that I say to myself frequently, it keeps me sane.. "Face it, he's just not that into you!"...and my other favourite is..."I don't want to imprison anyone, everyone has the right to walk away at any time, including me"....the third one is "Chill baby!"
SMILE....Spring is coming....yeayyy

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at August 29, 2008 12:39 PM

Oh and for those men that are not happy with the height situation -- I have seen many profiles on RSVP where women say for example "at most 5' 9"

Posted by: yaahmulegiddyup at August 29, 2008 12:37 PM

Here is a question not directly related to this thread but I am curious as to others opinions

You send someone a kiss - they respond they are thrilled but recently replied to someone else --- do you give them a second chance later if they contact you /?

Mind you they respond to you this way but their profile remains active and they log in regularly

is this response one for those without the spine to say directly "thanks but no thanks " ?

Posted by: yaahmulegiddyup at August 29, 2008 12:20 PM

ELF at 11:22 AM: I am so happy to read that post! My sentiments entirely - a first meeting needs to be only a chance to meet someone new and interesting, and get to know something about them.

And if you're not totally self-absorbed, everyone who is at all articulate is worth listening to for at least an hour or so. So I programme at least 2 hours, and she often finds she wants it to go on for 3 or 4.

Towards the end you just decide if you want to meet them again, and if you both do, that only justifies a second meeting, where you get to decide about a third, and so on.

Otherwise it's all too heavy and premature, before you have anything like enough factual or emotional evidence to risk deciding about a more distant horizon.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 29, 2008 12:20 PM

When we fill in our RSVP forms for profiles here we just tick the available boxes.
Wether I asked for a tall man or not in my profile,my field is narrowed by men who dont want to date a woman as tall as I am.

I used to go to the Hobart Casino with my more petite girlfriends and found that if I waited to be asked to dance I'd have had a lot less fun than I did!
One guy regrettted asking me up for a dance as soon as I stood up .. tho I know he sat there admiring my lovely long legs for some time before he asked me to dance. Once we were on the floor he said "Take your shoes off!" So I turned and walked away. He said "Where are you going ?" .. I said "Taking my shoes .. Off the dance floor!"
I have dated very few short men but some of those I dated often made me feel proud of my height and said they felt proud to be seen with me.. but it was more often the case of them asking me to wear flat shoes or no shoes and still grumbling about my height ... till I walked away!

Posted by: waternymph47 at August 29, 2008 12:14 PM

Esprit - great post!

Posted by: willow29 at August 29, 2008 11:58 AM

Man Drought?! Ladies I know where they all are! We can't find them because they are all walking on the beach, watching sunsets or watching TV. I dont live near a beach so I have no hope of finding a man. And my life is too full to watch the sunset, other than on my way home from work because I have to drive west. My theory is, that all the genuine, decent men are at home because they don't have anywhere else to go or arent interested in going out to pubs or clubs - where we foolish women think we are going to find someone!

Posted by: mobile3 at August 29, 2008 11:55 AM

grego7 at 10:38 AM : I'm trying to imagine not wanting a woman "in my life" and I'm afraid I just can't. That means to me

* No-one to smile a big smile at when they come into the room, because you love them and are glad to see them.

* No-one to waylay with a unexpected hug and a kiss when they walk past. Or to waylay you.

* No-one to text a short loving message to, when you've got a spare minute at work.

* No-one to cook your food, when it's their turn.

* No-one to cuddle up beside on the couch to share a worthwhile movie or TV show, or just chat.

* No-one to throw an arm over when you get into bed, because you're glad they're there.

* No-one to enrich the adventure of a day trip or weekend away, by giving it a context of shared bliss.

And that's without the naughty icing on the cake. I cope very well on my own, but I'm certainly not insular like your mates, Greg.

I wonder how many of them are like B29 says - thinking of a partner as someone who'll make demands on them, rather than offering them the delights of reciprocal love and service?

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 29, 2008 11:42 AM

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at August 29, 2008 10:49 AM

Yeah...what she said !!!

Rumpey-pumpey?? Grego ??!!!

Posted by: starryeyez at August 29, 2008 11:33 AM

mousaikalliope
Hello there. I hear the Ocean Child hotel is a good place to go. I play there every Thurs night.

MT.
Well my bags are packed I'm ready to go.......
Cause I'm leavin on a jet plane don't know when I'll be back again........
Syd 27th sounds good.

Signing off for a few days. Places to go people to see.
Love to all
Rod

Posted by: tassiedude1 at August 29, 2008 11:31 AM

Posted by: iaminperth at August 29, 2008 10:57 AM

Perth what is the old saying....don't judge a person until you walk in their shoes???

Narcissistic you say??? Of course it's easy for you to say that!!! At only 5'4" you put on a pair of heels and you STILL would only come up to my navel....ROFLMAO

Try being my height girlfiend...THEN comment !!!

Sheeshh!!!

Posted by: starryeyez at August 29, 2008 11:24 AM

responding to creativestuart's heartfelt comments on the downside of dating, I am going to be a lil bit contraversial here, I suspect and speak my mind....

Man drought??? Well there are famine and feast times but no drought....but a very silly approach that I hear and see being taken by we of the female variety......those stupid checklists seem to dominate our minds and cause us to pass up on heaps of fun!

And not just the check lists of primary selection, regarding saying yes to a kiss or not......there is another dominant checklist that I have heard ladies talking about and have seen them using in their 'diary management', and it was really shown in that excellent post in another blog about the department store with the many levels, and women going up and up, hoping to get something better, and ending up with nothing....it is the checklist of "are you IT?", boy oh boy, is that a fun killer listing!!!

I have realised I was starting to fall into using that list. How unreal!

Dating should be FUN, having a laugh, getting to know each other as PEOPLE, not a set of assets, enjoying the feeling of holding a man's arm (yummy), walking along clinging to him but not 'clinging', the dance, the playing, all the looking into each other's eyes and glistening, the receiving compliments, the giving compliments, the hours and hours and hours of just TALKING. Gee, it sure beats sitting at home alone watching the tele any night!!!

And so what if this isn't Mr Ideal, I am very likely not Ms Ideal....who needs it?

We are on here because it is a DATING site, not a SHOPPING site (despite some people's comparisons to ebay!). Personally, I think I have been buying into a very wrong mentality about dating - now I have shifted it to be "fun-for-now and who knows if anything might happen or not" and that means I can date guys just to ENJOY the process, enjoy them, go outside my usual frame of reference, expand my horizons....all those things....not looking for Mr Perfect, or even Mr Permanent right now, but the joys of being out with people who are fun, expanding FRIENDSHIP networks is just fabulous!

Put away the checklists, ladies, there are some incredible guys (and girlfriends) out there....no drought, just oases which aren't the mirages we thought they were!

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at August 29, 2008 11:22 AM

Grego7 - 10.38 whoa so 50's+ women have nothing much to offer apart from rumpey pumpey! Good on ya - love to see what your partner has to say about that comment!!! hope you are ducking for cover cos I think you are going to cop it!!! lol

Posted by: lovetolaugh57 at August 29, 2008 11:16 AM

Posted by: tassiedude1 at August 28, 2008 11:31 PM

Rod, the answer might be right there close to you. Take the risk. Regret for inaction is always greater than regret over making a mistake. Forget the past and trust in your future.
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at August 29, 2008 11:11 AM

Mule, I think ellillily was spot on with her "must have" list as nothing there was too over the top. Perhaps you'd like to write your own list of "I would prefer "or " It would be nice"?
Dearie me ... lookin4missright2 at August 29, 2008 6:44 AM ...
What got up your nose? I'm tired of men whining about how they get fleeced in a break up. Like many women Ive worked hard all my life and dealt with the latest STD or SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DEBT.as many women have to by slowly paying it off. I was married 3 times and went in with money and came out with none and raised the kids on my own.. I'm no orphan.. you just do it!
While most single Dads seem to luck into assistance from women..ie..Mothers, sisters, neighbours, friends .. the only help most single Mum's can count on is other women!
The only men around at the time I was going thru this, were there to see if I could look after them too, since I was doing such a good job of supporting myself and kids.
My list of must haves would have to start with.. MUST HAVE an income and be prepared to sign a prenup or some such financial agreement, before co habitating! I'm broke lonely and fed up too .. and no orphan I'm sure!!

Posted by: waternymph47 at August 29, 2008 11:01 AM

B29 at 9:11 AM: Wisest idea I've seen on the blogs for ages. Hope everyone read it.

I wonder how many women want a tall bloke only because of the stereotype that if a woman can't land a bloke who's still taller when she's wearing anklebreaker heels, she's a loser for having to settle for second best?

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 29, 2008 11:00 AM

Starryeyez, that's tricky...in your case you can put "6' +" without anyone accusing you of being heightist. Which is sort of like sexist, except it's for verticality :-)
Posted by: waterbombe at August 29, 2008 10:12 AM

Hahaha...yep Waterbombe..I am not racist (I myself am of Mixed race and welcome all nationalities) , not ageist (ex partner of 8 years was much younger than I...so I dont care if the guy is 35-55)

But yes yes...I am Heightist..let it be known !!! LOL

Unless your beau is intending to indulge in a bout of fisticuffs with your family members, I imagine the height and reach disadvantage won't inconvenience him terribly.

Posted by: drone at August 29, 2008 10:26 AM

Why do you mention that Drone...are you intending on being my Beau? Your tall enough...LOL

Posted by: starryeyez at August 29, 2008 11:00 AM

Drone, Just advise them when they wear heels you will happily oblige and wear yours as well. Howd narcissistic some people are ? I mean if someone is so worried about themselves all the time and their mind is filled up with themselves how are they going to relate to another person ???

Posted by: iaminperth at August 29, 2008 10:57 AM

You're right WB.........and gorgeous! Just a great all round guy with a wonderful sense of humour.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 29, 2008 10:52 AM

Well, Grego, if your mates don't have an urge for rumpey-pumpey, women of any age would not have much to offer would they? Why would women of 50+ be any different to women of 30+ in that case?

And another thing....I'm curious....do they really have no interest in the finer side of life, as it were? What a tragedy....what happened...does this really happen to a lot of guys?

Posted by: waterbombe at August 29, 2008 10:49 AM

Greg!!! "unless a guy has some urge for rumpey pumpey 50s+ women dont have much to offer".....OMG, are you inviting lots of grego-bashing or what? I just had to LOL when I saw this because you are very aware that guys lurv ladies for far more than rumpey pumpey (!?!), and age has nothing to do with it....guys will walk on hot coals to have someone to talk to, listen to, feel good with...and sometimes the added stress of "Oh buggar, she might just want me to perform in the sack as well" is a reason why guys won't venture out of the house that night.....but for good conversation, and a laugh, and even a bit of a challenge to their ideas, they will become motivated.....rumpey pumpey? Guys aren't as driven by that as many believe.....until we ladies kiss them and wake them up from their slumbers, of course ;)

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at August 29, 2008 10:49 AM

iaminperth at 7:50 AM: I can relate to what you are complaining about. The women I meet often complain to me about the same defects in so many of the men they meet who are in their sixties and less use than a well-trained 15 year old.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 29, 2008 10:45 AM

Posted by: waterbombe at August 29, 2008 9:04 AM

Waterbombe, my mates that I refer to (there were 3 but one just recently got snapped up by a QC in London) do genuinely like women and from my observation women like them. They are quite remarkable in how they feel about the equality of women.

They have not had bad past relationships. They simply dont seek any relationship. This is my point unless a guy has some urge for rumpey pumpey 50s+ women dont have much to offer.

Now they could be an exception but if I also include aquintenances, work colleagues and club mates who are similar it is a sizeable group.
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at August 29, 2008 10:38 AM

iaminperth at August 29, 2008 9:46 AM

It might not be height but certainly the 28-40yo girl is (generally of course) that rigid in far to many criterion leading to this complete myth of The Man Drought.

Posted by: creativestuart at August 29, 2008 10:37 AM

blueyedblond at 12:19 AM: Several of the sweeter women I've met here have been taken for ten times that amount, and my 56-year-old friend has spent $140K so far on a lawyer, trying to limit it to that amount.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 29, 2008 10:33 AM

wow hasn't this blog brought out the misery in lots of people!! Gordon (old fart if I may)what has happened to make you be sick of us women or is it just that you are going to be a year older!?!? Mr Outback I agree with you - great day in Melbourne today how can anyone be miserable on a day like this.
Happy birthday for tomorrow Old f... I will have a drink with you!

Posted by: lovetolaugh57 at August 29, 2008 10:30 AM

Posted by: starryeyez at August 29, 2008 9:47 AM:
"My son stands at just over 2 meters tall...my dad, brother, uncles et al are not almost the same.

I would never subject a 'shorter' man to that...LOL"

Unless your beau is intending to indulge in a bout of fisticuffs with your family members, I imagine the height and reach disadvantage won't inconvenience him terribly.

Posted by: drone at August 29, 2008 10:26 AM

grego7 at 11:55 PM: Thanks. I had noted some antagonism towards me in your recent posts, whenever I got too enthuiastic.

And I really agree with your last point. It reminded me that the Cobb and Co coaches used to have a change of horses waiting at each way station, to carry on while the previous team cooled down.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 29, 2008 10:25 AM

Posted by: iaminperth at August 29, 2008 9:46 AM:

A small, but significant, portion of the female profiles mention the need for the guy to be taller than they are, not only in their ideal partner profile, but also in their main blurb. And, yes, I've seen profiles that say (paraphrasing) "I like to wear heels, so it would be good if you are not only taller than me, but still taller than me when I'm in heels". :)

Posted by: drone at August 29, 2008 10:21 AM

Posted by: junebaby57 at August 29, 2008 7:52 AM

"You can't take that lot to bed with you, you can't get a hug in the middle of the night, hold hands, have initimacy, so am l here looking for the 'one meant for me'."

Jewels,
And therein lies the catch, what you want is what most women want but that is not of much value to most men. They dont need those things (as much as women need them)

I suspect that as men have been able to open up to other men the intimacy need for them is also being met.

Perth, I cant comment on WA men only Melbourne men.

But hey there are some postives out of this, the 3 of us could enjoy a gory film together.
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at August 29, 2008 10:20 AM

"Are you truly saying that some women are so rigid that if the height isn't right they will not meet a bloke" from iaminperth.

No,what I'm saying is that these women won't get kisses from short guys. Short guys see a woman wants a guy significantly taller than him and he doesn't even send a kiss.

I bet a lot of women would go out with a guy shorter than her ideal, but often she doesn't get the chance. She limits her options by confusing a man's ideal height with his minimum acceptable height. That's what I meant. So if you lower your preferred minimum height on your ideal partner section, you will attract more kisses, that's what I mean.

Starryeyez, that's tricky...in your case you can put "6' +" without anyone accusing you of being heightist. Which is sort of like sexist, except it's for verticality :-)

Posted by: waterbombe at August 29, 2008 10:12 AM

blueyedblond at 11:52 PM :

1) I'm inclined to agree with you. Saying I look only 60 was a bit too young. The middle-aged tradies that I climb around in roofspaces with while installing my chandelier hoists used to guess about 62 a couple of years ago, but after my hair started to grey a bit this last year they now think 64 or 65. Will send you a kiss, to see if you really look over the 45 yourself.

2) No interest in "pulling a younger woman than my Ex", who is 66. Haven't seen her since our daughter's wedding in 1994.

What I'm looking for this time is a sweeter woman who can keep up with me physically, and that's 100% about me, not the Ex. She's history, and that's only useful to guide your future choices.

3) I should "admit to looking, feeling and acting your age."

I feel younger and am fitter now than 20 years ago bogged in a congealed marriage, but not as young as I felt (or as fit) before I broke a couple of ribs in a fall at work, 2 years ago. My friends (all noticeably younger, except one bloke my age at tennis) often remark on my zing, for an old bloke.

So with your permission ma'am, I'll feel however I happen to feel (occasionally the pits, but usually full of beans) and I'll act however I want to, and let other people continue to underestimate my age as a result.

4) Looking forward to meeting you at the Brisbloggermeet on Sept 27, in case you won't show me yourself in 2D.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 29, 2008 10:11 AM

oh gawd, Mule, you're another man lecturing women on how they'd better be nice or they won't get laid by him....NEXT!!!

Posted by: waterbombe at August 29, 2008 10:00 AM

waterbombe at August 29, 2008 9:04 AM

From my perspective... I really like women and have some great female friends.

But I detest dating and all the games that seem to go with it now especially.

The need to walk some sort of tight rope in order to get from single to relationship.

The rejections, snubbs, and down right rudeness of ignoring approaches take their toll.

To little interest, no good, too much, smothering or over intimidating!

No I certainly don't hate women but I do hate this stupid process that seems to be required to find one to share a life with you!

That is why I have now set a deadline. And understand Greg's friends attitudes.

Posted by: creativestuart at August 29, 2008 9:58 AM

What a lovely guy, iaminperth...I'm guessing he's gay...is that what you meant by 'hairdresser' .... :-) Gay men seem to me to be much more able to show their caring side. That's why I just cannot abide homophobia....it's discrimination against some of the most decent people around.
BTW I just posted something you might be interested in on the Snow blog...about where to find a fit active older happy chappy...no couch potatos allowed...but it does depend on a decent supply of snow, which I think might possibly be in short supply in Perth?

Posted by: waterbombe at August 29, 2008 9:56 AM

If I may comment to ellililly

You certainly have a lot of "musts" in your post.

I as a man as soon as I see such non compromising and demanding language as "must" ( as it is very demanding and forceful language ) am immediately turned off by the woman.

The use of such language to me signifies a very rigid character that is unwilling or unable to compromise.

As such that is why my profile has its tongue in cheek statement of

"Must love rubber chickens"

I personally would rather use language such as

"I would prefer "or " It would be nice"

which makes the same requests without appearing as demanding and forceful.

Posted by: yaahmulegiddyup at August 29, 2008 9:54 AM

Posted by: waterbombe at August 29, 2008 9:11 AM

Waterbombe...try saying, or applying that in my family...LOL

It's the land of the giants...and I mean giants. My son stands at just over 2 meters tall...my dad, brother, uncles et al are not almost the same.

I would never subject a 'shorter' man to that...LOL

To top it off...if I wear even a normal shoe, I am 6 foot....so what do you want me to do??? Run around barefoot??

Hehhehehe...

Posted by: starryeyez at August 29, 2008 9:47 AM

Who said we are all the same height in the sack. I love our posts WB but I have to say when I first started reading I thought: Now, solved all the problems lower your height requirement. Are you truly saying that some women are so rigid that if the height isn't right they will not meet a bloke. Are we really that shallow nowadays and so full of ourselves. I can understand if a woman is extremely tall and she doesn't want a guy 5' tall but really that is just so silly. I am finding it hard to get my mind around the shallowness of the situation, doesn't humour and laughter enter the equasion here and sensitivity and education and achievements. No, you are not tall enough so you won't make me look good. What a joke.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 29, 2008 9:46 AM

Perth, your last fellow is a true friend indeed!

As for tall men - I was willing to compromise until I nearly got decapitated by the arm of not one, but 3 men at a recent salsa night..

Posted by: willow29 at August 29, 2008 9:45 AM

starryeyez at August 29, 2008 8:49 AM

Stop procrastinating or making decisions from profiles...

Get out of the house and meet as many of each other as possible

Take chances and lead with their hearts...

Posted by: creativestuart at August 29, 2008 9:45 AM

This week I have been ill in bed which to me is like death or worse, it's knowing about it. Anyway, apart from being a total bore my big pup is not impressed - at all ! Rang best friend male friend to explain and would he be able to take pup for walk. Answer: where to ? - anywhere would be good, but she likes the park down the road. Answer: when do you want me to do that ? anytime you have a moment would be good. Answer: Are you still sick, do you want me to come around. Yes, I am but I'm okay but not able to take poor pup out. Answer: Oh okay, do you want me to do anything for you? Yes, I would like you to take my pup for a walk. Next one: lady friend - Still sick etc., Oh no, she won't fit in my car. No, on the lead just to the park, thinking remember when I looked afer your dog for a week when you were ill. Answer, just couldn't she is so big but I have a male friend who might. Oh, no that's okay I'll find someone. On the phone again to another male friend who is a hairdesser, a brilliant one at that. Ring ring: Hi it's me, still sick and I was wondering if you had a spare few minutes to take big pup for a walk for me. Oh No, how awful - In his lunch break turned up with flowers, a loaf of bed and a carton of milk, just in case, walking shoes on, out the door with dog, marching down to the park 30 mins racing around there, back to house, quick glass of water, helped straighten up my bed and then himself, out the door back to his business with 'I'll be back tomorrow and ring me if you need anything". Now why can't all guys be like that.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 29, 2008 9:34 AM

Greg at 11.31pm: "That then leaves only two other types left. Guys like me who always have loved women and whose hormones still rattle a bit and we partner up pretty quickly, leaving only the ego driven hormone charged players who thrash their way through the herd."

I'd disagree, Greg. You've left me out. I'd be in your first group, except that after having had short or long relationships with several wonderful women, I'm looking for someone that I can admire for both her brains and her sweet nature - and will have me. And it's taking a while.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 29, 2008 9:12 AM

I think there is one thing that would increase a woman's chances of getting a great guy and its pretty simple...lower your height requirement. If you look at RSVP profiles women generally want tall blokes. That cuts out a whole stack of shorter blokes who may be wonderful. Many shorter men are really sensitive about their height and they won't approach a woman who wants a tall guy. They might even expect to be treated with derision because of their height.

You might say you can only get turned on by a tall guy, but that's not actually true except for the first few weeks when you are not having much sex anyway. A shorter guy who is a good listener, who cooks and cleans and does the shopping, who is affectionate and fun, and who REALLY likes you is going to look VERY sexy in the sack after a couple of months of him treating you like you really matter. The man's height doesn't matter at all to the success of a relationship once you get to know each other a bit. I reckon if women change their minimum height requirement for a man to their own height, it'll make quite a difference to the number of decent men who approach them.... they will tap a pool that is 2 or 3 times larger with just that one simple change.

Posted by: waterbombe at August 29, 2008 9:11 AM

Rod, you know I'm here - just relax and breathe....

timewarp, for myself I'd agree with some of those points you mentioned earlier - ie:
1 - yes, similar "looks" wise I suppose, although that's hard to quantify - certainly with a preference for somebody that hasn't totally let themselves go, I suppose - although not bothered about the "classy dresser" bit.
2. Yes.
3. Yes.
4. Preferably.
but 5, 6, 7 not bothered at all...
it's true a lot of women seem to have a thing about tall men (and indeed it's a genuine dealbreaker for some) - and sure that's nice if you have it - but it would seem to me there are far more important things to worry about than that in terms of compatability, etc.

Posted by: malsie at August 29, 2008 9:05 AM

Grego, re 50-year old men: "As one said to me recently, why would I want all the hassle of being involved with a woman". It sounds like your mates have a really negative view, so maybe you are right in that they don't actually like women. That's the underlying cause of a lot of bloke's problems finding a partner...they have a quiet and unrecognised dislike of women; it's small, it doesn't amount to misogynism by any means, but it exists hidden in their psyche. It's quiet because they don't actually say it, but they do show it through their attitudes and actions. Women recognise it, even though guys don't say it outright, and they avoid these guys. If a guy can say I LIKE women and mean it genuinely, not cynically (as in 'sure, I like women for sex'), then he doesn't fall into this category. Would your friends say they LIKE women in a really positive sense? I doubt it, and I think that's why they see women as a 'hassle'...the use of that word is evidence to me of this slightly negative view of women, of a slight dislike of women. They are not going to be happy with a woman because they expect her to be 'trouble' and they'll see trouble even when it isn't there. ...so their relationships are always doomed to fail in the long run.

Posted by: waterbombe at August 29, 2008 9:04 AM

lookin4missright2 ~ 6.44am. Gee, that's a bit tough! Sounds like you've been stung more than once. Goodness! I didn't think you'd be the sort to think like that either.

All women are NOT like that!

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at August 29, 2008 9:02 AM

laizefare, I really empathise with what you were saying. Those sorts of experiences would really do your head in (like many of the other experiences we read about on here do) and it's little wonder you end up concluding you might as well sit at home entertaining yourself.... often women have similar frustrations, and the trick really seems to be just matching it up right so that things click in the way everybody wants them to.

Then of course you get the scenario where that happens, everything is clicking beautifully, and then one of them gets cold feet as old emotions are triggered and gives up on everything - only to go on the same old merry go round immediately afterwards with someone else, innately knowing (although of course hoping not) they are more likely heading for exactly the same sort of ending.... and on and on it goes... yep, DVD, chocs and wine sound VERY tempting....

Posted by: malsie at August 29, 2008 8:54 AM

Nike Time... Just Do It!!
Posted by: creativestuart at August 29, 2008 8:22 AM

Stu...what are you actually asking people to 'Do'??

Posted by: starryeyez at August 29, 2008 8:49 AM

iaminperth at August 29, 2008 8:03 AM

The Guys are usually doing something much more substantial, like a construction project of some sort! That is what happens when even two of me and my male friends get together.

Otherwise we are off at married friend's homes for dinner.

And you are spot on, the thought of a single guy approaching a group of half gone girls to randomly ask if one is single at the risk of being completely torn to shreds by the entire group is indeed scary!

That is something that is NOT going to happen.

Posted by: creativestuart at August 29, 2008 8:48 AM

Gordon - Happy Birthday for tomorrow - and "OLD" is the word you're not allowed to use :)

Posted by: willow29 at August 29, 2008 8:42 AM

I have been told many times (even last night) by many RSVP'ers "Hi Starryeyez...I must admit, I was a little intimidated by your profile"

Well, well, well...NEWSFLASH, if your intimidated by my profile...then your not the man for me.

My profile, will not be intimidating, to the right man.

And yes, like others, I am patiently waiting (and searching) for my equal. BUT...I am not in a hurry...

Posted by: starryeyez at August 29, 2008 8:41 AM

outbackdrifter at August 29, 2008 7:16 AM

Certainly the women who actually believe in the mythical Man Drought or fill their profiles with comments like "where are the good guys?" and similar are being too clynical.

A lot more action and a lot less analysis is needed.

blueyedblond at August 29, 2008 12:19 AM
If I held on to my baggage that tight I would never go near a girl again for the rest of my life!

A lot more relaxing and a lot less hanging on to baggage.

grego7 at August 28, 2008 11:31 PM
As you know we agree on this topic and as a 42 (nearly) male the idea of putting together a nice single future is becomming more attractive as constant rejections take their toll.

Certainly there is one thing a man knows but many a woman refuses to acknowledge.
This is a numbers game, pure and simple, you look for a spark (not instant love or Chemistry, just a tiny similarity, smile, something) then spend some time together to get to know who the girl is, finding a bit more about yourself too each time. Eventually there will be a connection.

Girls, sitting at home analysing and jumping to conclusions, making assessments from baggage and assumptions does not work!

After all, assumption is the mother of all stuffups!

Nike Time... Just Do It!!

Posted by: creativestuart at August 29, 2008 8:22 AM

unknownauthor at August 28, 2008 11:39 PM

Fabulous Post!

Posted by: creativestuart at August 29, 2008 8:06 AM

Hi all..........

Tassie,i think you should come to Sydney on the 27th!

Grego..........you and your hormones!

Am I the only woman into slot cars?

Drone: Welcome back! You are a pretty clever chap,and i know you haven't asked my opinion but please.........get yourself a decent haircut....your from Melbourne for Christs sake,and some great looking glasses.You have a great head of hair.

I am being sincere..........

Posted by: musicteacher at August 29, 2008 8:05 AM

I don't know if realistically there is a man drought or not but if you go out on a Friday or Saturday night there are great groups of women everywhere, loud middle aged women. They are almost uniformly dessed with very low stretchy tops, hair heavily coloured and sprayed, makeup harsh. They always wear heaps of jewellery and obviously spend a fair bit of time and money on themselves. The uniformity is astounding but the screaching level of their voices is disgusting and they have no regard for anyone around them. It seems to be a bit of a phenomenen in this age that women go out in great groups to eat, over indulge in alcohol and screech at the top of their lungs. I have never seen a guy venture anywhere near these women and I don't think they would.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 29, 2008 8:03 AM

grego, I am 50 and I love action and thriller movies...I have rung a male mate this week and said "lets go to the movies, i would like to see either Batman, The Bank Job or Wanted so choose one"....we are of to see the Bank job on Saturday night...if my flu isn't too bad.

Now re the "why ever would a single 50 year old man want to be in a relationship?? "

Well same as me, I am successful, have a career, earn 6 figures now, have lots of friends, including males to go out with, great girlfriends etc etc. You can't take that lot to bed with you, you can't get a hug in the middle of the night, hold hands, have initimacy, so am lhere ooking for the 'one meant for me'.

But, I want an equal, someone a bit similar to me.......and before anyone says that I ripped a male partner off in the past...not so... I never had maintainence and have been on my own for 19 years...2 sons and working bloody hard!!!

A lot of the men I meet do want a relationship, AND a lot want sex at the first meeting, or a FWB...as I said earlier I don't think there is a man drought. more a 'suitable man drought" ot 'the one that is meant for me' drought!!

And, i almost forgot....I don't want him living with me, or getting married, until we are both ready for that step....I would not rush living together or marriage for at least 2-3 years, or when my sons have moved on....

So Grego.... one of your mates is probably someone like what I am looking for!!!!! Shame its a totally differnet state!!!!
just my thought jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at August 29, 2008 7:52 AM

Hey Grego, Not all, I enjoyed No Country for Old Men, Kiterunner, Deception, but have to admit Death at a Funeral cracked me up, that old bloke ending up sitting on the roof in the nude and the look on the guests faces. Saw the movie in Freo after a good meal and a couple of glasses of red, just good english humour. I go to the footy, which is a freebie for me, but I do enjoy it when top teams are playing, I do trekking. I actually do walk on the beach, no, not with a glass of red, with my dog and I can assure you there are no beach walkers with glasses of wine with them. Mamma Mia was a laugh and I don't think that was a chic flick. The problem that I have so far is guys don't want to do things when they reach this age. They seem to want to eat and sleep or you are just there as a grabbing post in between eating and sleeping. I am yet to meet a really independent man who does enjoy his own space and is able to run his own life without thinking he is going to get a medal if he takes a plate out of the cupboard. I think it is such a shame that some men of my age group seem to have almost lost the total art of being independent and are just waiting for another 'mum' to come along. I am a mum and have been for a lot of years to young children but I will certainly not be a 'mum' to an adult. As for reading the news or knowing what is going on around them it's just sad most of the time. Apart from definite opinions re politics in this country there is nothing more to say. It is astounding at times.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 29, 2008 7:50 AM

Morning all, Im starting to wonder weather you are all not to get too clincal about this.
A relationships is about feelings not statistics, when you find The One all the this go´s out the door.
Anyway Im off to work & it looks like its going to be a great day in Sturt, on days like this I really do wonder waht the poor people are doing :)))

Posted by: outbackdrifter at August 29, 2008 7:16 AM

Man drought, what a joke!
Could it just possibly be that once a woman has fleeced her current man for all she can extract, she feels that she is unable to 'back trade'?
Along with female emancipation has come the idea that it is a woman's perogative to expect bigger and better results from each successive 'skinning' of us mere males.
Until us blokes actually get back into the game again, i see this situation escalating further.
Man drought, i don't think so! Drought of suitable lambs to the slaughter? I hope so!

Posted by: lookin4missright2 at August 29, 2008 6:44 AM

There are alot of Ladies out there that hate the city Life. Fight for what you want, hold nothing back, and be honest. Rsvp seems to be an awsome tool to communicate, and I've had a little luck, but I'm not going to cop out and say there's nothing left, 'cause I just haven't looked hard enought yet! I whoever you are out there my Mr. Right I WILL FIND YOU!

Posted by: happymum08 at August 29, 2008 1:15 AM

As a 27 year old woman I have to agree in part with the comment posted by Drone August 28), the article you quote (from graceandwit August 28) appears to be true.

As a moderately intelligent tradesperson, earning less than $30k for the majority of my working life, it was much easier to find a member of the opposite sex who was interrested in having a realtionhship than it is now as a (still) moderately intelligent, moderately educated woman earning over $50k ...
I have to disagree with the view that: "women are equally shallow. Speaking in *generalities*, as you have done, women want a man who can dominate other men, and who has a higher fiscal status (and, if it can be managed, a higher social status as well)." These really are *generallities*. I have never used these criteria to whittle down the plethora of men that adorn the steps of the local drinking hole, book shop, grocery store and bus stop. The criterion I use is this:
1. must have at least half a brain
2. must be able to hold a conversation that does not revolve around the footy scores
3. must apply the princliples that not all women are fanatical feminists and rememebr that holding a door open for a woman is not a crime
4. realises that picking a bunch of flowers or buying a house plant is as romantic as 100 white roses delivered to the door
5. must know how to use a knife and fork
6. must shower at least daily
7. must shave or at least trim facial hair daily so as to appear mildy acceptable
8. must wear clean clothes
9. his shoes must not attempt to charm me by talking at the same time as he walks
10. must be able to communicate at a level that does not include grunting, 'yah', 'yeah', 'wha' or 'huh' or 'oh'.

Social, financial, employment status are not specified, and as you can see, most of these criteria are basic hygiene, eloquence and manners.
The difficulty in finding a person in or near the vicinity of my home town, that meets these criteria is astounding, not to mention the plebs that expect the 'coffee date' to turn into an intimate affair before the coffee has even gone cold.....
In short, there is no man drought, just a lack of basic, good old fashioned chivalry, maners and good hygiene.

Posted by: ellililly at August 29, 2008 12:57 AM

timewarp1 at August 28, 2008 10:54 PM . You got it right on most points. A girl has to have standards you know. 2 and 6 would only be on my wish list tho.
After having lost almost 50 grand because of a man who I believed was in for the long haul, there is no way known I would consider someone who doesn't have at least as much as me.

Posted by: blueyedblond at August 29, 2008 12:19 AM

Posted by: laizefare at August 28, 2008 10:34 PM:

Sorry, sounds like you have had a couple of bad experiences.

But if your dates are from this site, that is an occupational hazard. Honestly, if they even bothered to contact you to give you the knockback, that was decent of them, and at least reflects the fact that they had some respect for you. It is a lot more than a some would do. A lot of people would just ignore you and hope you go away.

Either they weren't as keen as you thought they were, or they were weighing you up against other guys, and the other guys came out on top.

That's the way it goes on here. It is not like ordinary dating, where you can reasonably safely assume that they are not seeing other guys.

It can be a hard road to hoe, but that's what it's like for a lot of us. It's kind of like, deal with it, or bail out of the whole thing.

Posted by: drone at August 28, 2008 11:56 PM

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 28, 2008 9:58 PM

The jillhammer!!! I cant stop laughing Warper. That is very good. And I was almost giving up on your posts.

I offered to repair an ex gf's jillhammer. They are powered by a slot car motor. I finally gave it away when I found she had stripped the damn gears and burnt out the armature.

There is no excuse for thrashing a jillhammer into the ground.
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at August 28, 2008 11:55 PM

creativestuart at August 28, 2008 11:35 AM
You and I must be the two most undesirable people on RSVP. I did my usual weekly 10 kisses (yes they were all only a year or so either side of my age) and I got 3 no replies, I was not what 5 were looking for and 2 had responded to someone else (their profiles are still on tho).
I gotta weigh into the age thing again. Sorry TW but you no more look 60 that I look 45.
I am also over the men and women who say they look and feel way younger thany their chronological age. News Flash... we all feel that way. Unfortunately we are the age we are, get over it, admit to looking, feeling and acting your age. Don't you know others laugh at your profile when you say u want a much younger woman. WHY? cause it strokes your ego, you can show your x that u can pull a younger woman.
I can't even bother with writing anymore, get over yourselves, Tarzans you aint, any more than I am Jane.

Posted by: blueyedblond at August 28, 2008 11:52 PM

Heres a thought........................maybe the man or woman drought doesn't really exist.

I mean that there are approximately the same number of males to females in this country. There are also approx the same no of single males and females in this country,
Aus Bureau of stats

Sure they may be a bit more spread out in
some areas, and sure there is a higher density of each in some areas, but there is no DROUGHT.

What there is , ( insert cough here for effect..) is a drought in our heads. We as a nation of singles have become way way way too picky for our own good. We make list of likes and dislikes, we make wishlists, we even cant see the wood for the trees. We refuse to see the unlimited possibilities of the huge number of people that are single. We can move, relocate, shift, change jobs, if we really wanted to.

I think it's called a personal seachange.

And it is because of this refusal to accommodate thoughts of change that we dismiss so many options. Its only after trying a singular situation for a while, a meeting or date or 2 or 3, that we can truly say that that situation wasn't for me.

There is no drought, there is plenty of fish in the sea...........( and a website to prove it, and many people on here are on it, myself included ).......all we have to do is dangle the right bait.

Cheers

Posted by: unknownauthor at August 28, 2008 11:39 PM

graceandwit at 8:58 PM:

Here's the breakdown in some more detail, with RSVP experience from a male perspective. Men want:

1. younger
Yep, and women seem to push for older age brackets also in their profiles.

2. less intelligent
Well, that's hard to evaluate. No surprises there.

3. less educated
Women's profiles on here tend to specify someone of equal educational background or greater.

4. earns less money in a lower status job
This can't be directly assessed from RSVP data.

5. shorter
Women on RSVP, almost without exception, prefer someone taller.

6. lower social status"
Again, hard to evaluate from RSVP data.

So, in sum fact, I'd say that many of the things that you are complaining about here (when read as male preferences) are exactly matched by opposite female preferences. There's hard empirical evidence if you just look at what women are asking for on this site.

Not all of these things are directly assessable just from looking at profiles on here, because some of the stuff is simply not registered as possible preferences on this site.

Still, I think the available information is pretty solid, and tends in the direction that, if there's a problem, it's not all the fault of blokes.

Posted by: drone at August 28, 2008 11:35 PM

Posted by: graceandwit at August 28, 2008 8:58 PM

Graceandwit,
I believe that many women in the 50s+ age group do not understand that for for many 50s+ men there is no adavantage in getting involved with a woman. There is simply nothing that you offer. As has been already stated on these blogs some men dont want sex as much or any more into their 50s. These guys have learnt to cook and sew and keep house. Why in the world would they want a woman.

My two best mates are good examples. Mid 50s, successful in their fields, independant, healthy and are not pub or lounge lizards and are emotionally and financially stable. And also very happy. Most importantly they are able to function on their own and enjoy their solitude.

As one said to me recently, why would I want all the hassle of being involved with a woman. In a practical sense, read the female profiles. Most have interests that are of no interest to blokes. eg chick flicks. I have yet to read a profile that said they would be interested in a film with a bit of blood/gore and sex. The very staple of a blokes film.

There is no shortage of men but many of them have come to the conclusion that they can have rewarding lives without a woman.

That then leaves only two other types left. Guys like me who always have loved women and whose hormones still rattle a bit and we partner up pretty quickly leaving only the ego driven hormone charged players who thrash their way through the herd.

My comments above are based on my peer group 50s+ but there is still no man drought in the younger groups as creativestuart correctly points out. There the problem is also with the females who have totally unrealistic expectations and demands.There are plenty of willing guys but no willing girls.

Maybe Professor Higgins was right, why can't a woman be more like a chap.
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at August 28, 2008 11:31 PM

I have been thinking really hard and come to the conclusion that I have absolutely no idea what I am doing, who I am or what I want.
Is there anybody out there? :)

Posted by: tassiedude1 at August 28, 2008 11:31 PM

K at 10:27 PM: I think it's past your bedtime, dear. The 50-60 is in your mind, in spite of having checked my profile today. I'm actually hoping for 60-70.

I did date a few RSVP women 2 years ago who were then 54-57, but found they were too young for me to be comfortable with them as partners. But I'm still in touch with one as a friend, 28 months later.

And the 2 women who proposed marriage to me 4 or 5 years ago were then 50 and 53. They were too young for me too. See mine at 5.54pm.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 28, 2008 11:21 PM

Posted by: graceandwit at August 28, 2008 8:58 PM:
"I read an article that described the situation in Time Magazine in about 1988, and it has been repeated since then. Basically, a man hooks up with a woman who is approximately as good looking as he is. In addition, his partner is slightly:
1. younger
2. less intelligent
3. less educated
4. earns less money in a lower status job
5. shorter
6. lower social status"

I make of this that you are putting up a one-sided picture. It takes two people to hook up, not just one.

So men want to marry down (aside from looks)?

I think you've forgotten the other half of the equation. If we are speaking in generalities, women still want to marry up, also.

I'm a moderately intelligent, well-educated man, and, previous to this year, have been on 30k jobs for the last 5 years or so. Trust me, women in my age range who have a degree are not interested at all in guys who are not earning the cash, and who don't have the status, and a well-defined career path.

The hooking-up thing is a two-way street. Maybe men are as shallow as you suggest, but women are equally shallow. Speaking in *generalities*, as you have done, women want a man who can dominate other men, and who has a higher fiscal status (and, if it can be managed, a higher social status as well).

So I don't think those stats you've quoted, insofar as they put blame on anyone, entirely put blame on men.

They are the result, not only of male choices, but also of female preferences. It's odd to look at them any other way.

Posted by: drone at August 28, 2008 11:09 PM

graceandwit at 8:58 PM: I'm interested in what the top-drawer recycled female about 60 is prepared to settle for, after making all the compromises that you were talking about.

Here's my guesses:

1. no worse looking - no plainer or fatter or less fit. Must be classy dresser
2. about 3-7 years younger, with tested virility and satisfying technique. 8-10 years younger is a better guarantee of longer-lasting virility, and that he'll be the one pushing the wheelchair.
3. no less intelligent
4. no less educated
5. earns no less money and more importantly, has at least the same value in assets, and a car she'd be seen alive in.
6. is at least 6 inches taller, and preferably 7.
7. no lower social status

How close are my guesses?

This was a rather depressing reality-check exercise for me. I go down in flames on 1, 2, 5 and 6.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 28, 2008 10:54 PM

I agree with Stuart.
Ther is no man drought, just a decent woman drought.
After meeting many women over the years I have found that a woman changes like the wind.
I have lost count of the times the meeting has gone well, preparation for anothet date or even more emtional things on the agender only to get that email or sad phone call in a few days or even weeks into the relationship to find the woman has backed out, changed her mind,thought of too many negatives.
A man can only take so much of this behaviour till it eventually wears him down.

Now I am a genuinely nice guy and not bad looking with definate sex appeal.
The women I date are generally attractive in some way, but their minds seem to be somewhere else.
Either on another man, a broken relationship which they are trying to repair or they are afraid that a commitment of emotion is going to cost them a life change which scares them to death.
How can it be so hard to just go with feelings and make a choice, after all we don't live forever and the point seems to be lost that at 50 plus your days are numbered and as a woman after passing 60 it gets increasingly difficult to find Mr Right.

I for one can pick up on things very early, usually after I have left for home.
I think of the date and then something inside my reminds me that the Dear John phonecall or email is not far away.

I just wonder why I bother in the first place.
Sitting at home with a DVD and a good wine, a box of chocolates and a nice coffee gets more and more appealing.

Posted by: laizefare at August 28, 2008 10:34 PM

As the Penguin shuffles in his "Passion killers" around the tennis court he proclaims to the world:
"Lookit me...........I'm so dashingly fit,only 50-60 y.o.females deserve me"

ROFLM

Posted by: kurli at August 28, 2008 10:27 PM

iaminperth at 9:19 PM: You made some excellent points. Especially about the relative unimportance of the little chap - to women.

I see women as fortunate compared with men, because there are so many different ways they can have a good time in the cot.

I remember reading with awe long ago about the caliph who had to have an enormous harem, for reasons of prestige. Then all the wives started getting impatient for their turn in the nesting tent.

So he practiced till he could do the trick for six at once, soon after sunrise before the desert got too hot for exercise.

I remember more recently reading with even greater admiration an elderly man's profile somewhere who had the honesty to include that he was no longer virile, so he'd become a dab hand with the jillhammer. Where there's a will there's a way.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 28, 2008 9:58 PM

Well Gordon, a nip is sort of like a slurp isn't it.........well isn't it. Blue uggs and a bottle of rum, cat asleep on the bed, dog on the floor tele left on, fell asleep with my glasses on whilst reading a really good book - now there's a classy woman for you......all style. Probably snoring as well as the only place I can breath out of at the moment is my left ear I think...I'm going to have a flu shot next year for sure. Oh the pain of it all !!!

Posted by: iaminperth at August 28, 2008 9:48 PM

The Ladies. Sorry I have had enough of you all. Its my birthday on Saturday and I am going to the club to get drunk, burp fart and swear. Sorry ladies and especially willow29 coz I promised her never to use the FART word again.
I love you all in so many different ways.
Good night sweet dreams
Old Fard Gordon ( sorry that word again :) )

Posted by: gordon1951 at August 28, 2008 9:43 PM

Could it be that the man drought is a consequence of what has been termed the marriage strike ? this movement seems to be gaining support and is becoming more widely known

could it be social factors as described by Kay S. Hymowitz in her essay entitled "Child-Man in the Promised Land" which I found to be very interesting reading
( http://www.city-journal.org/2008/18_1_single_young_men.html )

There are many more factors that can be attributed here than pure geographic ones - social outlooks by both genders are changing rapidly - why is it I never hear of a woman drought except in remote country areas ?

Of course my interpretations refer more to marriage then our modern culture of "hook ups" so then we must ask ourselves what is the cause of this hook up culture - how did it evolve.

Many say that feminism freed women from matrimonial bondage - yes most likely so - i am no expert to comment on this. However if it freed women it also freed men as the introduction of the birth control pill caused the sexual revolution.

From a mans perspective this resulted in being able to get sex outside of wedlock easily as there was lessened concern about

Posted by: yaahmulegiddyup at August 28, 2008 9:42 PM

"For a connoiseur of fine men, you would have to agree that there is a dearth of them around," enunciated the old dowager. "Quite," chirped in the beautiful princess. And with that they sipped their tea with their backs to the bustling beach. Back on my water analogy... I'm told there is a drough yet every time I turn on the tap - there's water. I turn off the tap - there's the drought again. I think I'm on to something here... I could dip my toe in the water but...

Posted by: distinguishedgreying at August 28, 2008 9:39 PM

graceandwit at 8:58 PM: I am very sorry your prolile isn't revealed, because I was so impressed with both your argument and your writing style.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 28, 2008 9:36 PM

graceandwit at August 28, 2008 8:58 PM

That is exactally why the girls including you think there is a "Man Drought" The clinical, no feeling analysis, throw in some baggage and stir a little, wallah no Partners!

What a sad way of looking at it.

I am looking for a joint set of dreams and a real connection on who someone is before many of the things you mention!

For instance I would be happy to go out with a girl who ran a corporation just as I would be happy with a waitress if there was a connection on the things that really matter!

You use so many stereotypes to argue the great guys don't exist.

What about looking with your heart?

The compromises indeed do become more dificult as we get older but partnership is about compromise so the decision is then what am I willing to compromise? What is more important? Can I file my bagage and not tar new potential partners with a previous bad experience?

Posted by: creativestuart at August 28, 2008 9:27 PM

Perth - Thank you for making me laugh. I only ment a couple of nips in a hot lemon and honey drink. Not to take the bottle to bed for a midnight slurp :) Love Gordon
ps get well soon-please.

Posted by: gordon1951 at August 28, 2008 9:26 PM

I suppose the thing about starting an older relationship vs the ageing process in a continuous relationship is that everything is so new. Instead of leading up to the nasal technology, viagra, whatever next, it's presented itself very plainly at the start of a new relationship. I remember a friend of mine ages ago dated a guy who jumped out of bed to get a pump and started to pump himself up on the bed. She ran out of the room horrified, I think I would have had to crawl out laughing too much. I suppose if that poor bloke had been with a wife of so many years she would have understood, but my friend was not at all impressed. Sort of took the spontanaety out of it as well. I just think people are trying to rush too much and are not getting past the getting to know you bit and are just trying to prove themselves. Unfortunately or fortunately , I just think of it as part of the ageing process and can't see it as any big deal, although that can be interpreted by some as not caring, so it's a no win for me and a no win for you. I still can't get my mind around that a guys willy is the sum total of who he is.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 28, 2008 9:19 PM

Posted by: rustysteed at August 27, 2008 11:49 PM - Oh, a coal-mining town? Kewl. You know there's a Mining Men blog on RSVP, yeh?

Posted by: heart2heart57 at August 28, 2008 9:17 PM

distinguishedgreying @ 5.42 pm
I hope that post was one of many more to come from you - I loved that; it gave me a good chuckle, and I was in need of one...thanks.

Posted by: malsie at August 28, 2008 9:13 PM

sindee50 at 7:34 PM: Hi and welcome.

I liked your profile, especially the honest statement about your mobility. And your sense of humour, eg. "how to stay clean etc. while fishing/camping - use imagination! "

I guess that meant imagining he was clean etc. at that time?

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 28, 2008 9:07 PM

I agree with you Sue I cannot see anything extraordinary about being clean and tidy. Obviously if a person is working all day hard on manual tasks in the hot summer then you are going to get dirty and smelly, however, that is no excuse not to have a shower and clean up. Whiskers on the face, if there is a beard then keep it tidy. Personally I can't stand them. Men like to walk around unshaven but carry on about armpits and legs on women. Wandering around unshaven, lifting the singlet, rubbing a hairy belly and burping is not my idea of an attractive man. I wonder what these same men would say if we did the same, maybe added a loud fart now and then.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 28, 2008 9:06 PM

For any attractive, intelligent, educated, mature woman, Yes there is a man drought. It has nothing to do with the number of men or women counted by the census.

I read an article that described the situation in Time Magazine in about 1988, and it has been repeated since then. Basically, a man hooks up with a woman who is approximately as good looking as he is. In addition, his partner is slightly:
1. younger
2. less intelligent
3. less educated
4. earns less money in a lower status job
5. shorter
6. lower social status

Make of this what you will as far as Power is concerned. What is significant is that it will always leave spare women on the top rungs, and spare men on the bottom rungs. Presuming that the men on the bottom rungs may not be able to use the internet, Yes there is a man drought.

The article suggested that professional women should compromise on at least one of the qualities in order to find a mate. Shortly after I read the article I married a man who was 10 years younger, earned less, was less educated, came from ‘another part of town’. He was very handsome and extremely tall. (His faults were another story!)

Most of the men on rsvp want to meet someone who is at least 5 years younger, despite the statistic that men die around 5 years younger than women. That leaves their partner alone for a decade at the end of her life. Even on this blog, men have disparaged women their same age. Is KY jelly any less sexy than the nasal delivery stuff? I know it’s a lot cheaper. Or are they looking for nursemaids?

How many men have I met for coffee who do not think to ask me about what I do?!! It seems that all they are interested in is to determine that I look ok. They can see that in my photos.

Before I wrote this I did a search to see which women a man would find if he were searching for someone like me. Many, many beautiful, intelligent, educated, successful, mature women. Why are you all pretending the drought doesn’t exist? Are you hiding your lights under a bushel? Are you playing dumb so you can quietly choose your compromise on your own terms?

Until we accept that the phenomena exists we can do nothing to influence it. And, as we know, compromises become more difficult as we get older.

Posted by: graceandwit at August 28, 2008 8:58 PM

What a laugh Gordon. I am still locked in the house with a disgusting cold. I have watched Dr Phil and also Oprah. I am so bored but today was able to get out for a while and get loads of leaves out of the pool ready for summer. Can you believe, beautiful older child bought two large bottles of rum for me back from overseas today. I must be a good mum, have taught my children well. lol.....p.s. have two glasses with coke, never any more, not really a drunk.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 28, 2008 8:52 PM

Posted by: drone at August 28, 2008 1:27 PM - Of course, i'm not wishing to distract from any personal insight, which is always welcome.

Posted by: aqueousdb66 at August 28, 2008 8:33 PM

iaminperth - I have been reading your blogs Which I always find interesting but Dr phil. please try the rum you need to get out of the house and back to work. Love Gordon xx

Posted by: gordon1951 at August 28, 2008 8:19 PM

No No there is a man Drought ;)
Yer right, when ever i go out all i see is 5 guys to 1 Girl.
Where are all you Ladies hiding?

Posted by: singlebrisbaneboy at August 28, 2008 8:13 PM

innercity - I agree totally with your coment. I have been out with a few women from this site. They have all been lovely ladies that have one thing in common.
They have all been married at least twice. They obviously don't learn from their mistakes. Gordon.

Posted by: gordon1951 at August 28, 2008 7:37 PM

innercity72 -----'women wanting the perfect man' ----- ummm care to define "perfect" man. I doubt there is such a thing,
I know that I'm no where near perfect so even if I tripped over "him" I'd not know what to do with him.

I am an ordinary woman with reasonable (I think) requests.
I do apologise but I really do not like kissing a "broom" (whiskers), my sense of smell is real good and I find it difficult putting up with stale body odours (am I alone on this one)
I do go to great pains to keep myself clean and well groomed, so am I really being too fussy in what I ask for?

Feedback? Anyone?

Thanks, Sue.

Posted by: sindee50 at August 28, 2008 7:34 PM

Good Evening all, Its good to see everyone playing nicely in the sandpit :)))

Posted by: outbackdrifter at August 28, 2008 7:01 PM

innercity72 at August 28, 2008 3:56 PM

I don't think is that people have to "settle"

I actually detest that term for the negativity it implies.

But they do have to choose!

And by holding out for absolute imagined perfection how much are we all missing out on, what experiences and oportunities for happiness?

Posted by: creativestuart at August 28, 2008 6:52 PM

timewarp1 at August 28, 2008 2:22 PM
Yes mate I send personalised messages with the kisses, based upon what I found interesting in their profiles wether that be as simple as a smile, desire to hear of their world travels, they made me laugh or we both love movies......

I only kiss if there is something in the profiles to at least strike a friendship on.

Posted by: creativestuart at August 28, 2008 6:44 PM

innercity72 at 3:56 PM: Howdy neighbour! I liked what you said. Can you come to the Brisbloggermeet on Sept 27? Like to talk with you.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 28, 2008 6:44 PM

grego7 at 2:20 PM: I dreamed it up, for a stir. Worked, eh?

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 28, 2008 6:38 PM

"TW@1.17pm----------We know that all men aren't cast in your mold (thank god or goddess)" Posted by kurli at 2:20 PM.

I think I better stop agreeing with her, eh?

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 28, 2008 6:36 PM

amourmoi08 at 2:05 PM: Hello ma'am. Haven't spoken to your current nom de poste before, because I wasn't sure quite what you were.

But I now have to say that I was amazed to see, from your point belatedly numbered (1) that you aren't with-it at all - just a totally unliberated relic from the Puberty Blues generation.

Let me paraphrase your post: You send him a kiss, which people take to mean "Let's get in touch". He replies to advise that he doesn't mind if you do put your money where your pucker-up was, and take the standard-procedure's next step.

Then you remember that naice girls never do anything more hussy-like than dropping their hanky, just as the hunk walks by.

So you wait for him to put his money where your mouth is - first his email stamp, then his phonecall, then his footing the bill for your dinner every time - just like grandma.

Fellers see that, and they smell gold-digger. Which is fine for really old blokes with nothing to offer a girl except money. That your target market, ma'am? I hadn't thought so before. Enjoy your 5 weeks anyway. Cheers.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 28, 2008 6:25 PM

I love good conversation, I'm interested in world events, what countries are doing, how it will affect us. I am also interested in other peoples points of view. I really like a decent movie, heavy now and then but light and funny for a break. I like to talk about them afterwards, remember funny bits, cry about sad bits. I adore the colours of nature, the different textures and the amazing features of trees. I can always find a few pictures in trees of animals, faces or tortured souls in the branches. I enjoy being with someone who can appreciate things and be aware of things and can also teach and show me new things. I think a lot of the guys today have lost the art of looking outside of themselves and seeing what is around them, just having a conversation and sharing a point of view. Romance is not grabbing a woman to try to prove yourself and this crap about showing affection in public makes me want to puke. I mean who's wellbeing do you have in mind there, your own ego or the person with you. If the other person believes that's what they want, well great, but if it's not then back off quick.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 28, 2008 6:01 PM

yaahmulegiddyup at 2:00 PM: Maybe, like you and ERAL, she's into profiles that are designed to entertain the reader, rather that to be taken literally?

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 28, 2008 5:58 PM

yaahmulegiddyup at 1:57 PM: Thank you sir for that completely unsolicited testimony. It's also how I usually feel (but on a very bad day, I can feel about 64 or 65 - just about ready to retire. At least from working overtime.)

I was last challenged for underage drinking when I was 28, and don't seem to have caught up the backlog since. Maybe it's my fast-burning metabolism, or my beloved tennis.

Whatever. So it doesn't surprise me that the women who actually seem to be my own age when we meet are currently about 61-63. And that's MY excuse for specifying younger women in my profile.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 28, 2008 5:54 PM

innercity72 at August 28, 2008 3:56 PM do i detect a hint of jealousy towards those of us who recieve a lot of kisses every day?

Allow me to correct you. Simply because I recieve a multitude of kisses does definitely not mean I have an 'almighty ego'! It was nice, at first, but now is quite annoying. I have even asked on my profile not to be contacted by those who don't match my ideal partner discription, but it doesn't seem to make much difference. I still check every single one though, just in case 'the one' is there amongst them!

I really don't think that rsvp users who recieve many kisses shud be punished by people such as yourself by being limited to the number we can receive. Especially as we can all limit the number of contact we get in our settings...

Posted by: cis4courtney at August 28, 2008 5:53 PM

Yes the man drought is actually due to the El Nino effect. Therefore, as per the Victorian State government, a Minister for Man conservation needs to be established. What happens next is that Stages of dating restrictions will be introduced. Initially, only men living in even numbered houses can date between certain hours - extended if you are older than 70 and then the next day, their odd counterparts can do the same. That way, men will be conserved until all the women of the world can break out into a merry dance to the tunes of "It's raining men, hallelulyah..." However, as with water, when the men come flooding in, great devastation and wastage occurs and the quality of the surrounding supply diminishes. The answer - chlorinate. Meantime, shower with a friend and be man wise until the climate changes. This has not been approved by the ministry.

Posted by: distinguishedgreying at August 28, 2008 5:42 PM

yaahmulegiddyup at August 28, 2008 2:00 PM

I think you have found in that description why we mere mortals have no hope and indeed if that is the wish list then no wonder there is a drought of them.

Each of the individuals mentioned there have certain flaws that emphasise their tallents and make them marvelous humans.

And just as you said imagine if we as men were to even begin to write something like that how we would be treated with distain!

Mind you, we don't need such a complicated list (with toungue firmly in cheek) all we all want is Shania Twain.....

Posted by: creativestuart at August 28, 2008 5:18 PM

There is no Man Drought and I live in the city!

Women are just more fussy, they all want the perfect man, perhaps if they accepted what was available instead of wanting better then there would not be this perception.

RSVP does it's bit to contribute, you can define your search of someone down to the finest detail.

I could choose only to talk to Fit, Wealthy, Single, Blondes, who dont have children and live within 10 minutes of me.....

Perhaps when registering you should have to do a more in depth registration and be asked a multitude of questions such as "what's you view on the world?" What's your favourite Colour?" "What famous people inspire you?" etc.

I think any pretty girl or any girl with great photoshop skills, gets slammed by the sheer number of replies...as males we play the numbers game, and lets face it we would almost reply to any half decent looking girl...so any girl getting hundreds of kisses a day is going to have an almighty ego.

There is no drought...I earn over 6 figures, live in a flash apartment and drive a nice car...but not much luck here...I am not all that good looking...too much choice makes the girls make the wrong choices and they hold out, wanting that upgrade...by this time..men settle..leaving the misconception that there is a drought!

It's amazing how many women settle and have kids later in life when the tick tock of time catches up.

Perhaps rather than recieving 100 Kisses a day they should only recieve 10 and these are prioritized by the amount of similar responses you had to the 50 questiosn you answered at the registration process.

Drought Smought!

Posted by: innercity72 at August 28, 2008 3:56 PM

Stuart: Drone is right. You're running a marathon, and that takes guts as well as wind.

Can I ask a question? Do you personalise your kisses with messages selected to tap into their profiles?

I'm nothing like the catch you are, but I get one licence to send an email from 3 kisses, and a first meeting with about 98% of those who licenced me to email them.

I read each profile carefully, and look for her to mention something that she wants/likes and I am offering. Then I pick that multiple-choice kiss message, to point her towards that part of my profile.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 28, 2008 2:22 PM

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 28, 2008 12:16 PM

"Many if not most middle-aged men feel ill at ease and diminished when sitting in a woman's big car... "

Warper, where in heavens name did you get that extraordinary bit of nonsense? I am beginning to wonder whether you and I date the same species.My preferred females are homo sapiens sapiens? What are yours?
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at August 28, 2008 2:20 PM

TW@1.17pm----------We know that all men aren't cast in your mold(thank god or goddess)

Posted by: kurli at August 28, 2008 2:20 PM

Marcus,

From a genealogy point of view, 50,000 years would be one hell of a family tree

Posted by: egernia at August 28, 2008 2:09 PM

Drone, If I have in any way offended you with my comments I sincerely apologise. I did not mean to awaken any memories that were not very happy in your life.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 28, 2008 2:07 PM

Stu: I will answer you on email as well as post on here with your consent.

I am a female and I will share with you what I do on this site.

We have discussed this one on one over the phone however I think it may be of benefit for others that read this page but may not interact as much as we do...(pls feel free to join in at anytime)

If I like someone I will send them a kiss.

If they are Male and I have an "interest" in them I will send a kiss that is friendly such as : Thought she would say hi

To my way of thinking (which is some times bent and can often reflect a magnet and compass coming together or apart as they do !!!!!!)

I think friendship first if they have it written on thier profile that they are looking for female friends.

Then (and I always get replies) I get a reply to say : He is looking forward to your email... Then I think WHAT!!!! never going to happen.

If I lept with courage to you to say hi..
and then he wants me to invest more in him than he has invested in me then I do not bother to re contact them......... rule 1 for mexx

Rule 2: I watch who posts and who doesn't and I sometimes do that with caution and other times I send them an email after first sending them a kiss to say hi for friendship and they reply politely then I will sent an email.....and I do recall Stu that is how we came to talk xx

Rule 3. I block everyone who is in the top 100 as I do not want the status of some one so far up the ladder of life.....

Rule 4. Block all the twisted and tortured as they are more than likely to be my clients and are entitled to be happy as I do....nothing personal just don't want to blur the lines...

Rule 5. I use the site to send on details to friends and have matched up three singles into couples ......

Rule 6. Don't sweat the small stuff because life is so short and one should never go inward for more than a week at a time as it becomes a dark place.....

Rule 7. Set goals, standards, time lines, seek and you shall find.

Hope this may help if not I am neither fussed nor willing to be attacked for a method that works for me.

I have all protective gear on and willing to fight the fight that is worth fighting for and that my friends is me, my values and my funny little ways xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Peace out xxxxx

Posted by: amourmoi08 at August 28, 2008 2:05 PM

I'm glad you were born too, drone, otherwise we wouldn't know you - and that would be a shame :)

Posted by: malsie at August 28, 2008 2:05 PM

Musicteacher

It's Corey Wo_ _ _ _ _ _ton who became an urban legend when he held the biggest party, 000's attended while his parents were on holiday (from memory I think he's 16yo). Cost the state govt $20k (in police expenses) to break up the party. I think they were going to make the parents pay for it?

Posted by: egernia at August 28, 2008 2:03 PM

Further to the comments made about women and their "shopping list" for men I found this one womans requirements on RSVP - personally i think someone should tell her she is dreaming

I wonder what light a man would be seen in if he said something like this

Ideal Partner
George Clooney/Denzel Washington/Colin Firth's looks, Morgan Freeman's voice, The Dalai Lama's compassion, wisdom & kindness, Sidney Poitiers eloquence & dignity, Hugh Jackman's loyalty, sincerity & enthusiasm, Stevie Wonder's talent & expression, Dave Allen's humor & Bill Gates' generosity! :-)

Posted by: yaahmulegiddyup at August 28, 2008 2:00 PM

Timewarp - you dont look 72 - more a healthy 60

Posted by: yaahmulegiddyup at August 28, 2008 1:57 PM

creativestuart wrote:
"I have sent over 150 "kisses" in the last month! Over 300 in the last 3 months."

300 kisses for 1 positive response...You must have quite a bit of strength of will to persevere after that.

Anyway, I'm not going to haul you over the coals. Your deadline thing sounds sensible, as sending 300 kisses in 3 months looks like it is sucking up an inordinate amount of time.

Posted by: drone at August 28, 2008 1:49 PM

iaminperth at 8:06 AM: You're right. What a man needs to do is to keep his full blood flow heading northwards to between his ears till one or both of you gets hers all heading south, so that she wants you to join her there.

Can take an hour or so, or a month or so. But if it's a year or so, start seriously thinking about your technique or your target.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 28, 2008 1:40 PM

Where is outback to give everyone a drink from the drink dispenser when they clouds appear to be so heavy all of a sudden???

Yes I do believe he serves all kinds of tonics. ;-) xx

Stu my darling you know you will always have a friend in me. xx

We will remain in contact as promised.....you are most deserving of the life you want and I with you 100% on setting targets and goals so that you should never lose sight of which goals to kick, how to kick them and when to let it just go through without too much thought.xxxxxxxxxx

And no Stu was not referring to me (just in case I was start a new affair that I didn't know I was in xx)

While I have a set time line to stay on this site, it is for reasons that are known to me and I shall never bore you all with reasons.

However this investment on this site has given me such a wake up to call to our indifferences that really do keep us all connected. go figure that out 8-)

As for how long? That is your choice as it is mine... peace out xxxxxxx

Posted by: amourmoi08 at August 28, 2008 1:31 PM

A question...

What is it two with blatent dishonesty in profiles!

You look at a profile of a supposed 37 yo and in the body they say I am actually 43, 46 etc!!

This is a common occurrance!!!!

How the hell do such women hope to start or continue a relationship!

Or indeed anyone who lies in a profile!

Unless there is honesty, no relationship will survive. That is blatent wasting of people's time, even having them read your dishonest profile!

Posted by: creativestuart at August 28, 2008 1:31 PM

Posted by: iaminperth at August 28, 2008 1:07 PM:
That's actually my dad you are talking about :).

He was 57 or 58 when I was born. I don't think 10 year olds care about the age of their father. Teenagers might feel a bit embarrassed and cop some stick from the other kids, though.

As I see it, from the child's point of view, the main risk is going to be that the father might not be mentally or physically up to the task down the track. For instance, my own father was very ill in his late 60s, and had a brain-fever which killed off a lot of his brain cells. He was never quite present after that.

Viewed from the very exacting standards that people seem to treat parenthood these days, I can understand why it might seem almost unethical to have a child at such an age. On the other hand, viewed from a more modest perspective, where the question is not, "Would it be better for this kid if I were younger?", but "If I have a child now, is it likely to have a life worth living?", I imagine things pan out differently.

If you asked me whether I would rather not have been born, I imagine the answer would be no. :)

Posted by: drone at August 28, 2008 1:27 PM

iaminperth at August 28, 2008 1:07 PM

Realistically 45 is the upper limit, at least I think that is the sensible upper limit, no matter what circumstance might have caused you to not have children at or before that age.

Posted by: creativestuart at August 28, 2008 1:22 PM

Who is Cory what's his name?

I think it will be OK.......i am sure 11 is too early for some....they can meet us later........in any case,my partner will be here,"hands off girls",he's a cutie and rather shy until he gets a few beers into him!!!!! Plus i have Bella,my tiny dog who will bite people toes off on command...NOT TRUE.she is bound to pee on their toes as she gets so excited around people.

Now...i have a party to organise for a bunch of 10 year old boys this afternoon....HELP!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: musicteacher at August 28, 2008 1:20 PM

Good Observation and comments Drone

I would venture to say there is a lot of merit in what you have written

Posted by: yaahmulegiddyup at August 28, 2008 1:19 PM

I agree with kurli at 10:00 AM: "many other males...post a profile ,then sit back and wait for the "right female" to discover them.(Sort of proves that they are not really trying to help themselves doesn't it??)"

You are so right. And applies equally to women, now that they're officially liberated.

"Then there are those men who are too ignorant and/or lazy to reply to a kiss ,even with a "thanks but no thanks"..........and they seem to be in the majority!"

Kay, I'm disappointed to hear that. So many unempathic brutes!

In my wide experience, only a third of the mature-age Brisbane women are self-centred and rude enough to misbehave in that particular way.

But I think the worst of them all are the ones who try to justify their sins of omission by saying that a person who sends you a kiss (and thus implicitly offers you much more too) doesn't actually deserve a reply.

So it's unselfishly putting yourself out, to bother to make a cople of mouse clicks to tell them 'No thanks'. Barbarians! Snort! Whinney!

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 28, 2008 1:17 PM

musicteacher at August 28, 2008 12:27 PM
Nicely put
Men do make good friends and are generally far more interesting, intelligent and communicative than dogs. They are also usually better drivers. For all that has been said about intelligence, dogs still rank way down the mammalian intelligence scale; they are not smart enought to recognise themselves in a mirror which is something most blokes do easily.
Unfortunately as men get older the already difficult physiological feat of gaining and sustaining an erection doesn't get easier.
Compared with what a male has to do, and the psychological and emotional effects of any failure, for an older womens sexual efforts to be deemed satisfactory (at least by herself) may involve no more effort than a starfish might expend being a starfish.
There is a body of anecdotal evidence and plenty of professional opinion that is warning men to be wary of entering relationships with women who regard their pets, dogs particularly, as 'children'. Giving a dog precedence over a prospective male partner is not a promising look.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at August 28, 2008 1:14 PM

L&T@12.41pm:
VERY interesting Marcus..........we'll have to compare notes?

Posted by: kurli at August 28, 2008 1:12 PM

Creative Stuart...........i hear you.

If this site starts to have an affect on you like this.....then it is not for you.

It's not for me either...........but I like some of the people i have interacted with on the blogs.

Being disillussioned can dash any hopes.worse than a break up in my opinion because it can really mess up your soul as well as your head.You can be forced into a position of not trusting "anyone" again.
I am glad you have found something else to put your energy into.........

Those of us with children,especially living at home always have them to focus on and gain emotional relief...and I mean by being able to give love.

I also have my music.......

It took a lot of guts for you to open up like that.....

yule: that comment about one's mother is soooo true.

I have been thinking this morning of my son Dante,who is 10 today.........and the joy it brought me.I don't think he is old enough to appreciate me yet........was more interested in his NANO...and why not!

On Dr Phil:.........i read his first book(can't remember the name) when my daughter was dying............no amount of councelling has helped me more,he has a great deal to offer and puts things in terms i can relate to............basically......."You either get it,or you don't!!!!.........that was before he had his own show.........I lent the book to someone,can't remember who........but the message is still clear,and helps me get out of bed in the morning!!!!!

Posted by: musicteacher at August 28, 2008 1:08 PM

And I think any man who is silly enough to start a family with a much younger woman over the age of 55 or so is just plain stupid and asking for trouble. What 10 year old wants a 65 year old father and then the teenage years, 70 odd get real. We all know that these guys can still do it....but I tend to believe, breeding should be left to the younger ones no matter how much their egos need stroking. A bit like the nigerian scams - If you are stupid enough to fall for it, then tough.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 28, 2008 1:07 PM

I agree WB I have met a lot of extremely nice and decent guys via the website. Did it turn into a lifetime partnership, now that is something altogether different. There are so many outside influences you have to consider as well these days. No, I had a couple of years with one person but it all got too heavy and a long time with another but lifetime commitment, no that didn't work out. I think also that finances are a huge consideration when you are older and they need to be sorted out very cleanly right at the start of any potential long term relationship, also work load if one is working and the other not. There is no way I am going to risk anything that I have spent years attaining financially on someone who hasn't done the same.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 28, 2008 1:04 PM

I think if someone can be diminished sitting in someone elses car then they have a serious problem and seek professional help. My post related to some men not seeing what is going on around them and being stuck in some other time zone. Really now you can't really think you can be intimidated by a chunk of metal, how bizarre.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 28, 2008 12:58 PM

Yikes, MT I hope you are not just having open house, that could be a little dangerous methinks - Corey whatshisname might turn up, or an older version anyway.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 28, 2008 12:55 PM

This is pretty speculative, but I suspect it may have something to do with women becoming more selective in their 30s, rather than there just being some drought of men.

I guess by the time they hit their 30s, women have tried a few things, have, generally speaking, got to know themselves a bit better, and are more financially secure and confident than they were in their 20s. At the same time, many are looking for someone to have children with, so the standards are jacked up a bit.

Then, when you combine a strong desire to have children, a ticking clock and high standards re. finding a father, then frustration sets in.

And that's when you get all these opinion pieces in the newspapers by women bemoaning a dearth of "good" men, or lambasting men for "not being willing to commit" at precisely the time in life that happens to suit a lot of these women. In some cases, I wonder how many decent blokes some of these women discarded in their 20s and early 30s, when the numbers game was in their favour, and now that they suddenly want a kid, or something, it's those selfish men's fault for failing to want to commit at precisely the time that suits them.

And, I suppose, yes, in general we all get pop-psychology messages via the mainstream media that tell us we deserve the best, shouldn't settle for second best (whatever these statements mean). That makes people more picky, and more frustrated when that great person they so clearly deserve isn't coming along.

Personally, I think that before anyone assents to the claim that they deserve the best, and so on, they really do need to conduct a searching evaluation of their own life. Because maybe they don't automatically deserve "the best" after all.

Posted by: drone at August 28, 2008 12:42 PM

kurli at August 28, 2008 10:11 AM

Those family connections with the Broome area could be as long as 50000 years Kurli.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at August 28, 2008 12:41 PM

B29 at 12.15pm: That was so wise. Should be required reading for recycled singles wanting to sign on for RSVP. And thanks especially for sharing your intimate details as an example.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 28, 2008 12:40 PM

Hey hey Amoure.......

I have posted some info,but can't remember which blog........maybe "Risky".

I am happy for other people to come along....I have a couple of single friends that i am sure you would like to meet............

Posted by: musicteacher at August 28, 2008 12:38 PM

Esprit - have you read Huxley's book - "The Devils of Loudun" ?

Casts a interesting light on the 'success' of modern 'therapy'...

(Cake, or Death?)

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at August 28, 2008 12:37 PM

waterbombe I commend you on a very objective observation

Posted by: yaahmulegiddyup at August 28, 2008 12:28 PM

waterbombe at August 28, 2008 12:15 PM
Very well put
Congrats on finding a partner too :-)

Posted by: kurli at August 28, 2008 12:13 PM
TA :-)

Posted by: creativestuart at August 28, 2008 12:28 PM

"Who We Actually Are" can be difficult to define....even to ourselves.

Men and Women ARE different.

Perth at 8.06 am

"men working on their appearance and personalities" we would all be happy??
....that is a rather strange statement........

i agree with what is between their ears.....

Lots of men are suffering from Impotence and I am sure it is an extremely difficult thing for them............i have no doubt that the stress of being a man these days has contributed to these numbers....in addition to other causes.....drugs,alchohol,illness,guilt etc etc.

I don't think we should devalue a man's physiolgy,what is between his legs is important,is part of his nature..........

All of these issues are complex......

you know,sometimes all of the stuff we discuss here on relationships turns me off wanting to have one with a man and....maybe it is the same for some others.

But honestly,i love the company of a good man.......they can make wonderful friends.We tend to be accepting of them this way.

Posted by: musicteacher at August 28, 2008 12:27 PM

espiritlibrefemme

I happily stand corrected if what you say is the truth and I have no reason to doubt you.

I do however more so share the same view that iaminperth has expressed about this man who I believe is as big as a charleton as those that claim to speak to the deceased

and creativestuart ---- I do understand and sympathise with your plight as many people will not respect the preferences of others as those people hold the at times unfounded belief that they are the "prize" of a lifetime ( your comment about the kids smoking etc)

I have learned one thing long ago about women and in voicing this I know that I will be ostracised by the "sisterhood"

The ONLY ONE woman that you can not replace in your life is your mother --- as you can only ever have one.

Keep that in mind creativestuart

Wives, girlfriends, female friends etc can easily be replaced as there is what? 2.5 billion females on earth or there abouts

Anyway in respect to the topic at hand the man shortage

If women believe that there is such a shortage of good men in Australia - I would advise that you turn your search to China

it has a substantial oversupply of single men as such I am sure that there you will find the characteristics and persona of the type of man you seek amongst the tens ( maybe hundreds) of million males that have little to no chance of ever finding a female partner in life if they remain within the constructs of their own society and country

Posted by: yaahmulegiddyup at August 28, 2008 12:26 PM

iaminperth at 10:30 AM: You surprised me. Twice. Many if not most middle-aged men feel ill at ease and diminished when sitting in a woman's big car, so they want to take you out in theirs instead. How did you get that one into yours?

And what dog-lover is ever alone when walking the dog? Really!

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 28, 2008 12:16 PM

Posted by: iaminperth at August 28, 2008 8:06 AM. Lol, Perth, very funny.

There seemed to be heaps of great guys my age that were very nice to spend time with on RSVP, so I would say the "pickings" in men over 45 are pretty good. (I have no idea about men under 45). Why this is I think is that lots of guys get to 45-55 and decide they've had enough of their marriage and leave. They have been with vindictive or bossy women, and they stayed for the kids, but once the kids leave the nest these guys go. I have two close male friends who did that...really decent guys, both stayed for the kids...so suddenly around 50 you get a lot of these men newly single, and they make great partners, I reckon. So there's lots of nice guys on RSVP.

But nice as he is, you still might not want to marry him. If you are looking for a life partner then you are looking for one in a million (or 1 in 10,000 or something!...dunno...different people have different odds) . Maybe you feel disappointed that repeated searching doesn't turn up that 1 in a million, and so come to the conclusion that all the people you've met aren't good enough because they weren't that 'one', when in fact they were perfectly decent people, just not your own eternal cup of tea? I'm not suggesting anyone settle for less than they really want, but I wonder why some people say they only meet dregs on here...it's just not true that all the available guys in any age group are drop kicks.

I also think the odds of meeting a desirable partner are still far better on a website like this than in the workplace or pubs or clubs for the over-50s. I met my partner on here, and we share the same sense of humour, values and beliefs, have similar histories, education, travel experiences, blah blah...but we would never have met socially . He lives 20km away and works in a field that has no interaction with mine and we both work fulltime and have grown kids who we see a bit of so we are very busy .We would never have met if we'd relied on swanning round Melbourne on the off chance of bumping into each other on the street and recognising a kindred spirit on the spot. I'm just not that intuitive...

Esprit, thanks for that update on the research, I didn't know that.

Posted by: waterbombe at August 28, 2008 12:15 PM

Creative@11.35am:

Here's hoping you have a very happy October 3 Stuart!
Don't you compromise your (health) or emotional standards...hope you got the email?
blisskiss to a guy that needs some xx.

Posted by: kurli at August 28, 2008 12:13 PM

ymg Dr Phil is a fully qualified and registered US psychologist. Anyone who is popular and makes a worldwide commercila hit gets slags off by professionals - I just put to it down to jealousy. Dr Phil does use some pretty ordinary and everyday cognitive-behavioural interventions and his agressive approach really jars with many who practice a more client-focussed view. Personally, I think if it helps and works and lets people get some useful prespectives on their issues, then go for it. I wouldn;t recommend it with clients in one-onone situations, unless you fancy getting biffed that is!

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at August 28, 2008 11:47 AM

P.S. The one accepted kiss that seems to have fizzled was a girl who had a child of 14 for those who are suggesting I have my criterion tight. (look at my profile and you will see just how few criterion I have)

And the no smoking thing is actually got mostly to do with me being very illergic to it more than anything else!

Posted by: creativestuart at August 28, 2008 11:38 AM

Apparently he is a psychologist but was de registered in Texas as there was some controversy there with a 19 year old or something. However, why would you need any kind of registration if you can get up in front of an audience and make that kind of money. Yesterday, his comments were it's wrong, well yes but why. You shouldn't do it, yes but why. You are damaging this child, yes but why. It was pathetic, whilst I agreed with his evaluation he gave no reason for his thoughts. He is pure promotion and money making. Clever, I guess if you can get away with it.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 28, 2008 11:35 AM

kurli at August 28, 2008 10:00 AM

OK I am sick of this assumption that I am waiting here for someone to find me. As I am just about completely over this whole process and all the bultish games that now seem to be required in order to actually find a partner now here are the real statistics!

I have sent over 150 "kisses" in the last month! Over 300 in the last 3 months.

In doing this I have also read all the profiles and only sent them if there was something in common that at the very least a friendship could be formed.

I have had NO success with this.

I have formed friendships with people from the blogs on here and perhaps one from a local lady who is not what I am looking for but who might be a good friend. She kissed me but the children, smoking etc are not what I really want in a partner.

ONE of these kisses has been accepted with please send an email and then after a couple emails and her asking for my phone and email contacts which I happily sent I have heard nothing. But I am told that the “game” requires that I wait and if I actually send another email, or express I am really interested, then I will be smothering or too enthusiastic. What a load of stupidity that is. If someone was interested in me I would welcome enthusiasm!

I am not sitting here waiting!
I am being extremely proactive but if every kiss is either ignored or rejected how the hell will we get any further! If the majority of dates are a stupid nervous 10 minute coffee meeting looking for the mythological instant chemistry then I am no longer interested.

Maybe I am too open and straight forward certainly I am sick of all the garbage such as this man drought myth being brandied about and also the stupid games we seem to need to play now just to get something started.

I am infact that sick of them I am about to get on with something else in my life rather than this. Whilst I really want someone I am rapidly approaching the point where I no longer want to waste the time and effort to get constantly rejected.

When the Girls wake up to themselves and actually want to make any real effort to accept approaches, meet and spend the time to get to know some truly fabulous men who are available they might find us.

Or indeed they might not as we might have moved on with something else after all the garbage.

I have set a deadline of my birthday on the 3rd of October. After that I am done!

Posted by: creativestuart at August 28, 2008 11:35 AM

Part 1. from Amour typed at 11.08 est.

MT it is moi your friend Amour.xx

I have invited three males, single friends that do not belong to this site and have received an email from the said name however I need a date..

I also have an additional five single women attending that are not on this site...

Have been in contact with two single males in Sydney that have RSVP'd and are on this site and are waiting on the following details:.

Need to post a date, venue, time etxx....

Come on gal...............................xxxx he he he .... any one is welcome to come are they not??????? xx peace out

Posted by: amourmoi08 at August 28, 2008 11:10 AM

A small car can't tow a horse float :)

Posted by: willow29 at August 28, 2008 11:08 AM

I think that as a society also we have lost a lot of who we are, rather than who we would like to be. As individuals the same thing has happened. People seem to be spending so much time trying to portray an image of who they would like to be rather than who they actually are. This in turn is producing very stereotypical thinking, men are this..........and women are that.... I had a man telling me a while ago that ladies like this, and men like that. Statistically his thinking was so off base it wasn't funny. I also found it very tedious. He hadn't thought at all out of the square, or even thought for himself, just get going on with the same old same old. There were some very relevant issues discussed but a minor one which cracked me up - ladies like small cars and men like large cars. He was saying this whilst sitting in my large vehicle totally oblivious to his surroundings. Needless to say the dog and I still walk alone.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 28, 2008 10:30 AM

Posted by: girlchris at August 28, 2008 8:40 AM

Girlchris,

"I would rather be single for the rest of my life than compromise my values....... "

With the attitudes rather than values expressed in your post you may very well remain single.
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at August 28, 2008 10:29 AM

Sydney Bloggers Get Together:

REAL MAN DROUGHT HERE!

Come on guys...where are you.
I don't have even ONE man coming yet......

I will bring "fairy bread"........

Posted by: musicteacher at August 28, 2008 10:22 AM

Aliene: "Classic"....hahahaha

Man drought no.......Gentleman drought YES!!!!!

"What have men done throughput history...without gripe?" ???????

How far back are you talking????

In exchange for child rearing,child care,cooking,cleaning etc...that seems fair.
This also gave man TOTAL control over the woman who had no other means of 'getting' out if she was sick of him never being at home to be with his precious investment....or even gave the man the right to do as he pleases,out at the pub,or having another woman or women on the side.or the right to beat her when he came home drunk.

These days...if children are involved,and a "property settlement" is involved,the man will hide his "assets",and totally resent handing over "maintenance" because he feels his x is using it on herself....(and his resentment is justified,rightly so in some cases).

Posted by: musicteacher at August 28, 2008 10:12 AM

L&T @ 7.20am:
Marcus how 'long term' are your Broome family connections? My connections go back to 1900 and are still ongoing.

Lovely place,but spoiled by the "terrorists"

Posted by: kurli at August 28, 2008 10:11 AM

Did I not read somewhere that "Dr" Phill is neither qualified or a member of any professional association of psychologists/psychiatrists?

That in deed he is ridiculed by the true professionals as being a "pop media wanna be" ?

Posted by: yaahmulegiddyup at August 28, 2008 10:05 AM

creative@ 1.32am:
Although I agree with you that there are more important issues than 'proving' that various bloggers really exist,maybe your blog reveals something about you and many other males: they post a profile ,then sit back and wait for the "right female" to discover them.(Sort of proves that they are not really trying to help themselves doesn't it??)
Then there are those men who are too ignorant and/or lazy to reply to a kiss ,even with a "thanks but no thanks"..........and they seem to be in the majority.!

Posted by: kurli at August 28, 2008 10:00 AM

I watched Dr. Phil yesterday as I'm still sick in bed. The woman in question was 39 years old had an 18 year old son and a 13 year old daughter and she had moved into her house her sons best friend who was also 18. This woman had recently lost a lot of weight apparently but still very large and she was having sex with this boy. Her boyfriend stated that he didn't have a good relationship with his mother. The womans 18 year old son had moved out of the family home because he was so embarrassed by his mother. Now, I don't know about anyone else but that had nothing to do with an age difference, it had to do with this woman neglecting her own son, putting her younger daughter at risk and taking advantage of a vulnerable teenager. To me she was nothing but a predator trying to fill her sexual needs. I saw absolutely nothing romantic about it at all. I also saw the woman as a very passive aggressive manipulator who cared nothing for her childrens feelings.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 28, 2008 9:43 AM

women who have no husbands at all live longer and with better mental health than anyone
Sorry WB but the latest research is very clear on this that it is the exact opposite - women in particular suffer depression and anxiety disorders and have lower physical health and shorter lifespans if they are long-term single. Men fare better than women but also have greater mental and physical health problems if in the same situation. It seems we are pre-wired to be partnered. The recent literature in clinical, health and neuropsychology all converge in agreement on this.

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at