RSVP Blog

Muse 11.24 & Warped 12.11 :

Enchant� mes amis : )

Posted by: glitteringblue at September 3, 2008 4:52 PM

Wascally..you can call me Wodna!

Posted by: musicteacher at September 3, 2008 4:47 PM

Metalscott September 2, 2008 2:27 PM

Metalscott, both you and creativestuart could approach women differently. See them as friends not some sort of enemy to be outwitted.
Bars and nightclubs are probably the worst places to go to try to meet women. Loud music is not conducive to learning about someone and women usually go to bars in packs and act a bit silly .Attention seeking and showing off to their girlfriends. This is really the worst of female behaviour I think.

Any woman who is rude enough to be nasty to a guy who has approached her in an appropriate social setting is not worth getting upset about.

Many girls are in actual fact just as scared as you are. They are also being judged and it makes them nervous and maybe to appear to act 'high and mighty"

Nerves and shyness and uncertainty make some people seem either a bit standoffish or acting loudly(from the safety of a group)

When a guy approaches the things that run through a girls mind are usually all about them rather than anything to do with you! Thoughts like: "Is he safe, is he going to be a nuisance or is he drunk?" "What will I talk about?" and "How will I escape if I don't like him, but he likes me?" and other stuff (especially if they do like him...starting with "OMG,Will he think I'm fat?"

From the dawn of time or at least the last few hundred years the approach and reaction have caused angst.

If you hate being in that vulnerable situation then find ways to meet girls which take away the threat. If you think of girls as the same as you except female you might be able to approach them easily and naturally without any threatening or contemptuous aura.

One of the biggest revelations to me was that men are human too...they have the same fears needs and hopes and dreams and women and will respond to friendliness easily.

Posted by: creativestuart at August 29, 2008 6:22 PM

creativestuart, the days of the Saturday Night barndance are gone(for the majority) Therefore there is not the opportunity to round 'em up and put in your bid after close inspection.
The internet does not allow you to remain a big fish in a small pond anymore. Therefore with nothing to go on but an elimination process of people who don't initially attract, the pond is bigger but the difficulties which may have once been smoothed away by meeting in real life, are now magnified.

People don't want to waste anyone's time so if they can narrow the possibilities by rejecting people, they will.

What you have to do is keep remembering not to take this rejection personally. The rejector doesn't actually know you and neither do you know them and what their inner desires and lifelong subconcious makeup is. You can be the best guy in the world, but if there is something in your profile that the other person doesn't like there is nothing you can do except try again with someone else. When it comes to human relationships there are some things about which people cannot be flexible
Stop blaming women You have a giant chip on your shoulder already about women and you expect to fail..so therefore you do and then complain.

Squizz1981 anyone can lower their standards(change their ideal criteria?) and pick up someone, but those relationships usually won't last because values and attitudes ro even sexual compatibility won't match. Just because people have the ideal person in mind for themselves does not make them higher or lower in standards than anyone else. Most people are flexible but if even a seemingly small value or attitude si different then it seems to magnify later on when the initial euphoria wears off.

Posted by: thelynathdiary at September 3, 2008 4:23 PM

Music - I see where your coming from, and about the droopy bits. at 20, im quite lucky in the fact that it can still stand to attention for hours on end :p hahahah

Posted by: metalscott at September 3, 2008 2:25 PM

musicteacher at 12:22pm: Ta for that. IQ in top 0.5%, even though I now play tennis with either hand. Polio at 15 weakened my left side, and reversing that over several years got me into gym and to enjoy playing rugby more - had always loved tennis and sprinting.

Now I don't even jog in runners - my knees are too heavily loaded, since I put on 15kg two years ago, after breaking a couple of ribs in a fall at work.

My girlfriend in 10/07 challenged me then to race her to lose 15kg. Invited me to coffee with her last Sunday, and she's lost 12 kg to my 3. I'll have to get more fair dinkum about dieting again. After my lunchbreak in a minute.

Signed: Wascally Wabbit. (You can call me Wandy.)

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 3, 2008 1:44 PM

Timewarp: re your Profile......... You have such a sparkle in those cheeky eyes,you rascal!!!!!!

Hmmm.....a lefty ah......so you must be highly intelligent!!!!

I like your wit too,and your little sayings...I think you are a good egg!

Posted by: musicteacher at September 3, 2008 12:22 PM

glitteringblue at 8:30am: I am really touched that you should suddenly pop out of your comfy nest in the woodwork, just to say such nice things about me - and about some of the other bloggers that I too, admire the most. (But my list is about 3 times the size of yours.)

Thank you very much. You have encouraged me greatly, and I'm getting back to work now, feeling just so good. ((-8 }
(I'm left-handed, so my smileys are too.)

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 3, 2008 12:11 PM

Hi all................

Kaz.......keep them long and keep them coming.........you make me laugh a lot!One day i would like to sit down and have a smoko with you!!!

Thankyou GLITTER.....what an amazing compliment.

Metalscott: your a young man,I suppose you will have to learn the hard way........through experience,and Dr Marcus may have a point.........anyway,we girls get together and talk about what bastds men are and giggle about your droopy bits............

Have a great day!

Posted by: musicteacher at September 3, 2008 11:24 AM

Timewarp1: I think your profile is great.....In saying that though, I looked at it a couple of days ago and thought it was great then too....
Posted by: okamhere at September 3, 2008 8:30 AM

Agreed it looks great. Light and refreshing !!! Well done and good luck to you TW

Posted by: starryeyez at September 3, 2008 9:45 AM

Bill - I already said I admire your resolve and I was never for a moment suggesting that you just sit back and wait for women to approach you, although I'm sure they do. I was more referring to you frequent posts about dating and relationships with all their bullet points on what to do and what not to do (at least that's my impression). This, to me at least, makes you look a bit inflexible ... like a Seargent Major organising a strategic manouver. I'm sure you want results soon as your best years are numbered (as are all of ours) and I admire your spirit and eagerness .... hey, also your persistence but there just seems to me to be too much organisation and calculation going on. Look, it's just my opinion based on reading lots of your posts .... maybe the reality is a little different. Good luck mate, you deserve it as we all do, I think.

Posted by: woodnwine at September 3, 2008 9:23 AM

Posted by: auntykaz at September 2, 2008 11:19 PM

Kaz, well the Greg o matic better be reliable over the next few days because taken2it is back at the end of the week. How can one man make such a mess?

Picking your loved one up from the airport at 4.30 in the morning has got to count for something though doesn't it?

I am saddened by the stories of fathers who in effect abandon their children. There can be no ecxcuses for that behaviour. Seeing ones children grow into adults is one of life's great joys.
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at September 3, 2008 9:15 AM

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 3, 2008 2:47 AM - comments anyone?

Hi Warped, I think your approach is fantastic and I love your entertaining repartee. Keep doing what your doing! If I could be half the man you are when I'm older I would be very happy (I am a woman tho and another Sunshine Coast one at that! What IS it with your popularity with the SC ladies??). I will continue to enjoy your posts, as I have been doing with many of you - among others: musicteacher, amberlight and EspLF - intelligent, sensitive, strong and sexy - I wanna be like you guys when I grow up! . . . A word on the "man drought" . . . there is none, it's just a complex world we live in today and we are all "winging it" and doing the best we can. Have a good day everyone and I hope to visit again. Glitteringblue : )

Posted by: glitteringblue at September 3, 2008 8:30 AM

Timewarp1: I think your profile is great.....In saying that though, I looked at it a couple of days ago and thought it was great then too....

Posted by: okamhere at September 3, 2008 8:30 AM

WnW: If I have to sit quietly and wait for the women to find me and kiss me, I thought I better at least use the best bait that I can - the most attractive (but honest) profile that I can come up with, so I tweaked mine tonight after tennis.

Any comments, anyone?

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 3, 2008 2:47 AM

blueyedblond at 11:11am has writted: "Timewarp1 at 10:30am - I read inflexibility in your post."

Ma'am, I need to ask: is that a condemnation, or a congratulation?

In either case, I'd love you to justify your appraisal with some actual argument that's robust or at least convincing, so that our myriad readers can critique your critique.

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 3, 2008 12:41 AM

woodnwine at 3:04 PM posted: "Bill, I suggest you try to forget making lists and having so many schemes and plans, and just take things as they come"

Thank you Michael, but I'm having a lot of trouble trying to guess what on earth you could mean by this earnest but very vague advice.

Do you mean I should sit patiently and wait for local women (ie. not foreigners) to send me RSVP kisses?

They already do. About 2 or 3 a month. Looking back the last 3 months, they were ALL near my age, ALL retired, AND all living up at the Sunshine Coast, except one from Redcliffe.

Redcliffe is a 100km round trip across Brisbane from Mt Gravatt, and Maroochydore is about 220km. Maleny/Montville probably further. That's a lot of petrol and travelling time, for a bloke who hopes to commute between her home and his urban home business, a couple of times a week for some years.

So I'm I'm looking for a woman who's still working, and/or understands that some men also need (or want) to do that too, irrespective of their age. I really related to you girls saying in the last couple of days that you badly need time off from your man, for all the other parts of your life.

And I'm looking for someone who still can (and does) do most of 5 days' work a week, and then still has the energy to do something more energetic and/or intellectual than spinebash and doze, all through the evenings and weekend.

And finally, I'm hoping for someone who's somewhere near as adaptable, unselfish, loving and demonstrative as I am. Like the girls here, I've had the other kind, and just like them, once bitten, twice shy.

IN SHORT, I'M LOOKING FOR MY MATCH.

And almost all of the many women I've met who did seem to me to be about level with me in the onset of old age are now in their early 60s, not their early 70s. Sorry, they just are.

That's why I dare at 72 to ask for a woman in her 60s.
.............................................................

Michael, I'm reminded of the old saying: 'There are people who make things happen; people who watch things happening, and people who ask the next day "What happened?"

Please teach me a way to make things happen fairly reliably and fairly soon, WITHOUT getting myself motivated and organised, or doing anything pro-active myself.

Then your advice will be fair dinkum and useful to me and other readers, and not just saying "Bill, that's not the way I do it myself. You should be like me."

And I'd also welcome advice from others of either gender who do have life goals similar to mine, and also HAVE thought out some specific strategies to try to attain them, inside an acceptable time frame.

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 3, 2008 12:26 AM

Is that your verandah?/ Heavens it's magnificent...I am jealous!!!!!!!!
Posted by: okamhere at September 2, 2008 11:37 AM
Sorry OK, not my verandah .. I just got to visit it a couple times .. belongs to my daughter and her partner.
It is available for rent on Stayz still I think, tho' so contact me via my profile if you want to know more about it.It truly is a lovely serene place on the Hawkesbury.

Amberlight I can relate to the disinterested, miserly, mean Dad .. which is why once my kids were older and wiser they disengaged from him and stopped using his name. He made it patently obvious after I left he would not only try to avoid spending anything further on them but went to the bank and closed my own personal account which I had been saving by way of working as housemaid in a Hotel and by teaching private English lessons at home. Apparently his word at the bank was enough to do the trick. He also got to the Travel Agent and made them withhold a refund on the return tickets I'd had to purchase in order to escape peacefully.The tickets were held for a year then they told me they had expired and were no longer refundable. The kitchen badly in need of an upgrade was done the moment I left and before the girlfriend moved in. In the divorce he hastily sought in order to re marry .. he was ordered to pay maintenance for his children by Swiss Law, so he quit his job and told me was unemployed. I just told him I'd renegotiate the terms of maintenance with his lawyer and ask for a raise .. he was back in another job in a week and the money was back in the bank.I never pressed him on the cost of their education .. which he was also meant to pay and within a second of their 20th birthday the money stopped flowing into their accounts. He contuinues to live his happy selfish DINK's life style and altho I let him know when his kids were married, and/or made him a Grandfather etc .. he still is disinterested!
To me they will always be important and loved .. and I too will always take them into consideration before I make any man in my life a partner for life!

Posted by: waternymph47 at September 2, 2008 11:47 PM

Greg, maybe your Greg o matic needs new batteries...or you need to update your model, bigger, better, so that it can go beyond the limits of your current model....

Even l can manage a ride on mower and petrol whipper snipper more than once in a bluey :-).....................K

Posted by: auntykaz at September 2, 2008 11:19 PM

It was great to catch up with old blogging friends and make new ones on the weekend! Drone, you're a sweetie, don't change! Grego and H2H, you're both just as wise as I thought you would be and Dude, yeah, you're a bit of alright too. It's not all about the blokes though, JenniferHi, it was a delight to meet you as well. As for the rest of the old crew (you know who you are), you know I love you all and I'm looking forward to our next adventure!

Posted by: ninaschen at September 2, 2008 10:13 PM

Music - My old man may not be a reliable source, mainly because he happens to have had 2 marriages, neither have worked out for him. I have come to form my opinions on females from whats happened to me in life so far. I try and stay optimistic, but at the same time, im not convinced that women want equality, im more inclined to think that they want people to round around after them. In a way, they are like cats(in a sense that they only want to know you when they want somthing), whether it be attention or material items

Posted by: metalscott at September 2, 2008 10:07 PM

Sorry I missed you all at the Melb blog meeting. Hopefully next time. I am looking forward to meeting you all in person. Please don't organise it on my birthday again. My 2 friends want to take me out that day. :)
Glad you all had a great day. Gordon.

Posted by: gordon1951 at September 2, 2008 10:00 PM

Posted by: amberlight58 at September 2, 2008 4:29 PM
Thank you for your reply. I understand everything you wrote. Just giving a different perspective. I won't even send you to the noorty corner.
Love Gordon.

Posted by: gordon1951 at September 2, 2008 9:57 PM

Posted by: lovetolaugh57 at September 2, 2008 2:14 PM
Thank you for not messing up my sandpit but it will be somebody elses duty tomorrow. I am getting good at this blog thing, a bit of cut and paste and dribble.
Love Gordon.

Posted by: gordon1951 at September 2, 2008 9:52 PM

Metal September 2, 2008 2:27 PM
That bar scenario you described is called a shit test and it is usually calculated and done on purpose. The bitch factor elevates when chicks are in situations where they are often being approached.
A woman does or says something to a man in order to engender a response. If the man supplicates, he fails the test. If the man responds in a dominant fashion, he passes the test.
You ignore the remark, smile and say 'Hey I'm Scott and you seem to have a vision problem. I'll give you the number of a friend who is a top optometrist... blah blah..

If you want advice on handling those situations and keeping your value high, talk to a mate with plenty of recent experience picking up women.

Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at September 2, 2008 9:31 PM

Oh, Jen, that will be one concert to go to l think....Jackson Browne tickets go on sale on Friday, l think the concert is in March and at the Palais.....cool eh??

Metalsccott and Stu, again with the generalisations....Don't you guys realise that when you generalise like that it only does you a disservice??
Who on earth is going to respond to that in a positive light???....

Tassiedude, how do you like your tea, dear, your old Auntykaz can pop the kettle on and make you one......l hope you didn't pick up the cold from me. My son made a killer curry last night for dinner, l thought it had blown the germs to kingdom come, but alas, no.....still with me it is, and lingering longer than a bad smell...way too much longer......Tea and sympathy is really the only way forward, sorry to say......

Waternymph, that picture on the balcony, if that is your view you are truly a lucky lady........

Now Musicteacher, l like that, we need to be patted to make us purrrr darling!!

On the subject of surnames, l took my ex's name in 1984 and it has been the name l have had for half my life. It is one l actually like, and will keep it as l feel it is as much my name as my maiden name, which l didn't particularly like.
I don't equate my surname with him, l equate it with my childern and myself.

And on the parents who are less than perfect, my kids rarely see their father, their choice and as adults one they are well within their rights to make.
He does one thing that is absolutely wrong in my eyes....... he drunk dials, as in calls them when he is pissed and starts very unpleasant arguments........ Really bad form in my opinion, and then wonders why they have little to do with him.......
One thing he said to me when we broke up was that of course he loved them, he bought them whatever they wanted......
My reply was that money doesn't buy love.

TELLING your children that you love them is how they know that you love them, as well as hugging them, spending time with them, enjoying their company and their silly funny ways.
Strange that he still doesn't do any of that.......ah well his loss, but also theirs, they do deserve better from him.

Anyway, we all have our stories, don't we, and some are very tragic. Mine is fairly normal and relatively benign......
I count myself lucky to have two great kids who are both employed in good careers with long term stability, Nursing and Building.

Thanks to those who read my somewhat longish essays last night, evidently l was on a bit of a roll.....sometimes l just do that..................K

Posted by: auntykaz at September 2, 2008 8:08 PM

Posted by: tassiedude1 at September 1, 2008 5:46 PM - Yah TD, it was good to play a few tunes together. Just watch out if I ever get that axe howling! LoL. Overall, a great weekend spent in some great company :)

Posted by: heart2heart57 at September 2, 2008 7:39 PM

blueyedblond and amberlight58
Hardly watch TV anymore and alcohol is usually limited to the weekends. Even then I try to keep a lid on it as I don't want to turn into a complete goose.

junebaby57 Sydney is booked.

All well wishers. Thank you.
Truth be told I feel absolutely terrible.
Signing off.............Time for bed........
Seeya

Posted by: tassiedude1 at September 2, 2008 7:29 PM

I dont really think there is a man drought. I believe its people in general becoming more and more picky about what they want in a perfect partner. People should lower there standards a bit, get to know someone, and you never know.. you might hit it off.

Who really cares that he doesnt have abs and a well paying job. He could be working his way up the foodchain to bigger and better things. We all started somewhere.

But if we are all this picky, then most of us will be single for a very long time.

The only things i am picky about in a female (aged between 22 -32) is that she isnt an alcoholic, isnt addicted to drugs, not too heavy, she must have a sense of humor, and is willing to talk about any complications that arise.. I think that communication is a key factor in any realationship, and I would rather talk it out then both of us go to bed shitty.

Also another problem I found is.. my last few dates (been a while since I went on one) is a few loose screws. One gal didnt like me because my jaw line was "a little similar" to her ex's. seriously, in my head i laughed so hard.

But to end this little rant of mine.. What I am looking for is not difficult, nothing too picky, rather simple really.. Just a great girl to settle down with

Posted by: squizz1981 at September 2, 2008 7:25 PM

Hi all. Haven't you been busy! Just a quick one before tennis. Gotta be early because I've got the gear this week (and the choice of which bikkies to have bought.)

Tassie: Yes, it's dreary being dreary, with no-one around who cares. It got to me 2 years ago, when I broke 2 ribs at miserable midwinter.

Yes, it's so helpful knowing what went wrong last time, so you can try to guard against that mistake next time. And by my age, there ain't a lot of next chances ahead of you, so it's even more important. One of my reasons for trying to pair off urgently, while I've still got a lot to offer, and therefore, some desirability.

amber at 12:08 PM: beautifully explained, as ever. And your 12.33 post has singlehandedly taken "never had children" off my veto list.

Yoshi: The more I read of your stuff, the more I agree with the girls that you're a really nice bloke, and on the up and up..

Just one suggestion: make-you-breathe-deeply kinds of exercise also make you feel a lot more positive and dynamic, for the next 2 days.

Team-based exercise like sport has an enjoyable social aspect too, but when I was in my teens and early 20s I used to jog alone from the cemetery to the tram terminus 4 evenings a week (2-mile round trip) and that was enough to keep me cheerful, even after I gave up playing rugby.

You can start the exercise programme, before you find the new more-positive people to hang with.

blueeyedblond at 4.10pm posted: "hate isn't the opposite of love, indifference is"

I think the hate is when you still love them, and are now also angry with them, for determinedly failing to deserve it. Seeyez.

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 2, 2008 7:09 PM

MT - maybe "stroked" is a more accurate translation :)

Lovetolaugh - I know what you mean - what a missed opportunity for us!

Posted by: willow29 at September 2, 2008 7:08 PM

Hey Kaz ~ Just got word that Neil Young is coming out next year. Thought you should be told a.s.a.p.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at September 2, 2008 6:26 PM

amberlight I know my kids are lucky - but I have to say that I had to suck up a lot of my own feelings at the time to ensure that everything stayed that way for them with their father. I cannot imagine how hard it would be in yours and others circumstances when your children are being hurt by one of the two people that should love them more than anyone else in the world. But believe it or not there are mothers that just up and leave their children and go off and start a new life and ignore their children like they never existed. I find that MUCH harder to comprehend as a mother myself. I am not saying that sometimes there are not circumstances as to why this happens but those women usually end up fighting to get their children back once they themselves have recovered. Woops sorry I cannot stand to see children suffer for any reasons - (anybody really for that matter) the motherly instinct is really strong.

On another note how did I miss out knowing that our favourite "dude" was coming to Melbourne boo hoo :( Hope you are better soon "dude"

Posted by: lovetolaugh57 at September 2, 2008 5:52 PM

Metalscott:

Hello

The trick is to work with what you know about women,and find a man,maybe your Dad,who loves a women to explain it to you.Please don't take advise from a mysogynist............and Women,the same applies.

My mother used to say.........a woman needs to be treated like a cat........she needs lots of patting...that doesn't sound right in English but maybe some may get what i am saying.

A man wants to feel like a man,be treated like a man......if you demand equality,well i don't think he is going to like it.if you demand anything from anyone you are unlikely to get it......and trying to reason doesn't always work either.If you can cunningly manipulate a man to do what you want.....then BINGO!!!!

I of course have my tongue in my cheek,but I think there may be some truth here.

We are different!!! Men,Women,Different!

OOOOOh,can't wait to read the replies on this tomorrow........hahahaha

Posted by: musicteacher at September 2, 2008 5:41 PM

Timewarp....do l have your attention.....
Good....
An alcoholic doesn't stay in his garage getting plastered because he isn't into you, he does it because all he craves, above EVERYTHING else, his kids included is booze.
Pure and Simple.
Nothing to do with anything else, of that l am an authority!!!!......................K

Posted by: auntykaz at September 2, 2008 5:38 PM

Whoopy Dooo blueBlueyes you have changed your target age group to 54 -58. WHY WHY WHY do most of you men stipulate that a woman has to be younger than you. Is it a conspracy to leave Australia full of widows.

Posted by: blueyedblond at September 2, 2008 5:36 PM

Hey Kurli ~ Nothing wrong with our weather! (Well nothing that a nice coat or jacket can't take care of. lol. p.s Thanks John. Says she who left her coat in the car not realising how late a lunch could go. lol.)

Oh, and I've got a lemon tree too. lol.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at September 2, 2008 5:29 PM

Amberlight...........my x loves the children,but has not worked since the death of our daughter.It has taken me a long time to accept that he is also suffering from post-traumatic stress.......his attitude to me though is bitterness........cause I left him!!!and am happy i guess.

Posted by: musicteacher at September 2, 2008 5:19 PM

It always appears to me, that whenever i'm out somewhere there are a lot more men than women, so i'm not quite sure where all of the extra women hide!

Posted by: nightfalltech at September 2, 2008 5:04 PM

tassie get well soon, are you coming up to sydney???

Re the surname thing, I use my maiden name, except at anything for my kids, the bank and tax.....at work it is all my maiden name.

blueblue it was an interesting post - you know what interesting means...it is a bit like fine!!!!! but people will always comment , good or bad in the blogs.. have a lovely arvo...jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at September 2, 2008 4:54 PM

TD,
You are a rare man from my experience! You have learned a lot from your sadness and loss and I am sure you will take much better care of your next relationship.
My ex never shed a tear after I left and still has no idea why I felt so unhappy and unloved, he still thinks it was me just being "over-emotional" and unstable!

Thank you ELF, such lovely comments. I will take your suggestions on board!

Posted by: amberlight58 at September 2, 2008 4:39 PM

Hi Gordon,
That was exactly what I did mean. That people who don't have children are not necessarily, any more selfish or lacking in understanding than people who have had children.
In fact I consider that a man who has fathered a child but has taken no interest in him/her or nurtured that child, is the really selfish person.

My comments were in reference to Kaz and TW and some others who have said that they would never consider having a relationship with someone who has never had children (not sure I made that clear though!) as well as thinking about my ex, who was given the gift of children but never appreciated it.

I also have a niggling doubt about someone who has no children being able to understand the total commitment a parent has to their children, accepting that until the children are grown up, their partner's children will come first.
And even once they are grown, illness or injury could change things overnight.

However, I am beginning to wonder if I may well be quite wrong and I should broaden my horizons a little bit.
Just because someone has never had the opportunity to be a parent through life circumstances, doesn't mean they would not have been a great parent if they had been given the chance.
Conversely, just because someone has fathered a child, doesn't automatically mean they are capable of loving and nurturing their own or anyone else's child.
So in a long-winded way I was saying the same thing as you are!

Lovetolaugh, I know there are lots of dads out here who haven't let the demise of their relationship interfere with the love they give to their children. I wish my ex could be different, but he has the same attitude towards our children now, as he did when we were together.
Your children are so lucky!

BTW, I think I may well have erred in including MT's ex amongst those not-so-wonderful dads. I notice she wrote that her ex shares the care of their children.

Posted by: amberlight58 at September 2, 2008 4:29 PM

Blueblueyes,.. Stay,..don't go away, carry a armour shield to cover you from flying daggers, look at me,.. I got flying magic carpet ready to take off anytime....& back again to rub my genie.....lol

Posted by: aliane at September 2, 2008 4:13 PM

tassiedude1 at September 2, 2008 2:22 PM. I think your words should be tattoed on the foreheads of boys at birth. Amberlight58 may have married my ex but you ARE him. I jokingly say now that he spent our entire married life making it his lifes work to do nothing. He was a copper so between work, drinking, footy, drinking, TV, footy, TV, drinking and work there wasn’t much time for anything else. Did I mention TV. Pity cause I loved him to death for about 10 years. Then I did pretty much the same as your wife, worked, looked after the kids, made friends of my own. His life changed as he got older, walked in the door one day and discovered no one was home. We had new lives that didn’t include him. The boys had grown into men and saw him for what he was and I discovered that hate isn’t the opposite of love, indifference is. Ironic part is I stayed for 27 years, by the time I left I was past my use by date as far as men go. However I have not for one second regretted leaving and my boys and I make up a very close little family.

Posted by: blueyedblond at September 2, 2008 4:10 PM

Dude:.Try some Chrysanthemum Tea from the Asian shop.........moistens the throat,in addition to helping your liver................

On Fathers and Surnames...........

My mother tried changing my name to HER maiden name when I was in Primary school,and I resented it.had it changed back.

My x husband's mum did the same but she tried to change his name to his step-fathers,and he resented that too and had it changed back..needless to say,his biological father who WAS supporting him went "nuts".

I am a little old fashioned when it comes to some things..i took husbands names when married but kept my name for my job as stated below.

No matter how I feel about the father of my children...........I don't spend my time going over any injustices I feel,and I would never consider changing their names,nor making life hell for them with a "double-barrelled" one.

My father,was not perfect....but my mother went out of her way to alienate us one minute,then she would feel guilty and try to get me to see him....then she would get jealous and try to alienate again.and so on!!!

(Don't anyone here have a go at my mother!!! she raised me on her own,and had a tough time).

I want to keep my fathers name regardless.

My marriages failed,but I contributed.no point totally blaming my x's for any misery....(well,actually my mother-in-law was the worst culprit!).

Of course it's up to the individual what to do with a name........but i have no doubt that at times it is brought on by a resentful parent....what more hurtful to any father than having his name removed........

I am not talking about fathers that have never been there,but those for example that have paid maintenance,put a roof over their head etc.

This is not directed at anyone in particular and it is just my opinion.

Posted by: musicteacher at September 2, 2008 4:09 PM

Tassiedude@11.23am:So sorry to read that the melbourne weather did you in!
You should have saved your Frequent flyers for a trip to Briz.

Have buckets of lemons,if you need any!

Posted by: kurli at September 2, 2008 3:24 PM

timewarper - I suggest you try to forget making lists and having so many schemes and plans and just take things as they come .... maybe even do something different. You can't try to make everything fit into your lists and plans ..... because they never do. Your approach to dating sounds/reads like an Army training manual. I mean this with respect and best wishes by the way, Bill. Plus, I do admire your resolve.

Posted by: woodnwine at September 2, 2008 3:04 PM

Drone, I never said you were unfashionable. Unfortunately when God was handing out fashion sense to all the little girls His hand passed over me. I have no clue when it comes to trends or fashions. I was just saying I thought your glasses and hair were fine to me. Most guys on this sight seem to think they have to flash their abs and muscles to attract a woman. Why arent there more women in bikinis then?:)))

Posted by: missgentle at September 2, 2008 2:56 PM

amberlight58 at September 2, 2008 12:33 PM
OMG.... you were married to my ex!!!!!!!

Posted by: blueyedblond at September 2, 2008 2:52 PM

Sorry Gordon, did I mess the sandpit. I will get my rake and smooth it out again.
blueblueyes , don't go, we can be like petulant children here, however you do need to be able to take it as well as give.

Posted by: blueyedblond at September 2, 2008 2:31 PM

Malsie and Willow
Thanks for your well wishes. Feeling better already.:)

Posted by: tassiedude1 at September 2, 2008 2:31 PM

Stu - You exactly right mate. Women act so high and mighty when it comes to trying to find a guy. If they dont have the exact personality traits that a lady expects them to have, they dont even bother. It also becomes quite a crush to someones self confidence when a female looks at you in a bar, you go over, try to start a conversation, and it turns out she wasnt looking at you a all.Women try and find the "right" man, but never realy seem to put too much effort in, they kind of just sit there on their pedestal watching as people go by.

Posted by: metalscott at September 2, 2008 2:27 PM

amberlight58
I don't know why some men are so good at f***ing things up. I know in a lot of cases it takes two to tango and there are no two identical experiences however there seems to be this common trait of one or the other becoming complacent in a relationship and convincing themselves that the other person has become totally reliant on them to fulfil all of life's needs.
Look I was in a similar boat myself. Shortly after marriage she detached herself from all of her male and female friends, she quit her job and began to focus all of her attention towards our relationship. In all honesty it didn't take too long for me to become complacent with things. Started to stay and have a few beers with the boyz after work. Sundays was spent sitting on the couch watching football rather than going for a picnic, like we used to, or helping around the house. All in all, even though I didn't think I was too bad, our relationship became boring and mundane.
So then it didn't take long for her to give up making an effort. The house became untidy, never any food in the fridge, she started shift work so was never there and by the time I realised what had happened it was all too late to repair.
Anyway there's a lot more to the story but I just wont go there.
So if I had any advice in my limited experience. Find someone who has had some life/relationship experiences. Stay away from the needy ones. Keep your friends and social network. Let him know he is not the be all and end all. Tell him that you wont put up with any of his crap. Keep him a little on the back foot. Play a little hard to get.
There will always be someone out there for you.
To all the guys. In this day and age if you don't treat her right she will leave and that's just the way of it.

Posted by: tassiedude1 at September 2, 2008 2:22 PM

ha ha wondered if Gordon was going to give us a response to Amberlight - well done - and Gordon I am just sitting quietly in the corner not messing anything up!!

Posted by: lovetolaugh57 at September 2, 2008 2:14 PM

Tassiedude ~ Well you might have a cold now but you sure looked 'Hot' on Saturday night. lol. (geez, did I say that out loud?)

Hot/Cold guess it all balances out. lol.

Jen x (seriously hope you feel better soon.)

Posted by: jenniferhi at September 2, 2008 2:10 PM

blueblueeyes ~ I'd so like to say something too, but guess Greg, elf, and blueeyedblonde have summed things up just nicely.
Good luck on your search - think you're gonna need it.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at September 2, 2008 2:01 PM

Amberlight get where you are coming from but my girls father was and still is a great dad to them and as for being a grandpa, everyone knows about his grandson! The same as he was with his girls - (you know the person with the wallet with heaps of photos!) lol, it was and still is cute. The kids work it all out for themselves. If the dads write their kids off for their new life they miss out - unfortunately so do the kids. The trick is to try and not let it affect the kids too much and make sure that they do not let their father's attitude carry on to the next generation.

Posted by: lovetolaugh57 at September 2, 2008 1:38 PM

blueeyedblonde, cheers for the thoughts, though i must say i do try to go out and have fun but after an incident last year i find it a bit harder as of late, though also as for the go out in 5 years bit... im happy if i find someone now or in the future, its just a matter of finding someone nice... had a few that were'nt exactly ball breakers but they had their own unique problems which is why i no longer see them, or in that fact even talk to them. just gotta wait to find someone compatable whether it be today tomorrow or ten years time, im not trying to be superficial with who i am, with my profile i was just saying that i do want to start a sport or something, i used to sit around and do nothing with people doing nothing... wasting our lives away, hence why i started trying to find another start... even with moving fromt he other side of the country to start again sometimes you just attract the wrong sorts of people, whereby you realise that in order to get to the right group of people you must first change yourself slightly to move away from the group that is doing no good and to move into the new group, maybe a few people on here need to try and change a little as well, be themselves sure, but just alter small things in order to move ahead and find that someone that is special to them, instead of falling down the same path time and time again

Posted by: yoshi84 at September 2, 2008 1:34 PM

Posted by: grego7 at September 2, 2008 12:50 PM ......................................Many thanks for tips, and the manner in which you delivered them...very much appreciated.
Not being into blogging much, I think I may have learnt a lesson here. I do seem to have bitten off more than I can chew, and don't wish to get into the mindless slanging bit.Think I might retire to the sidelines and take my lumps......................................Apologies to all I have offended in this very brief time.................
Again many thanks grego7...

Posted by: blueblueyes at September 2, 2008 1:33 PM

Posted by: amberlight58 at September 2, 2008 12:33 PM
Not sure how I am goint to answer this as i am one of those never been married or had children, selfish persons. I have always got on well with my ex partners children. Even going out of my way to be of help or support. My brothers kids think I am a hoot. I always make the laugh. I coach childred in sport from a very young age (21) and are still great friends with some of them today. Even the one who married one of my girlfriends. Please don't put us in the one catagory. Life has delt me this hand and I am happy with it. Regards Gordon.

Posted by: gordon1951 at September 2, 2008 1:32 PM

Some of you are messing up the sandpit I worked so hard to rake and clean this morning. I have been told to tell you mothers if you play up. So be nice and play fair. Gordon.

Posted by: gordon1951 at September 2, 2008 1:11 PM

amber...spinster??? don't even start to put that label on yourself, honey, please... a spinster-type figure???? Well Twiggy comes to mind, or Cameron Diaz, or if you mean the more curvy-type, maybe JLo or Catherine Zeta-Jones....

...it's how you are with your body that matters, darling, try to avoid calling it negative pet names, positive ones are good though, like tiger, wild thing, cutesy, hot stuff, sassy babe...you know...look at yourself as if you don't give a whatsit how anyone else does, shake that booty for yourself.

As I say on my profile, being sexy is a way of walking, an attitude...so is being a spinster...no way, you don't need it darling!

Love your bumps and curves and soft bits, because they are totally unique to you - WOW!!!

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at September 2, 2008 12:52 PM

blueblueyes at September 2, 2008 10:11 AM .............................................
Thank you for your comment...particularly the target age group...my profile has been up for a number of years, and didn't notice the ages...thanks. Many of us start and stop,become disallusioned, start going out with someone, doesn't work, then get back on again.It has been changed.Rest assured that the photo is STILL a close likeness, much closer than many glam shots and 10-20 year photos on here................like most of us, you CAN see my photo..
As far as the rest of your post goes, it is a shame some people have not learnt that you can disagree with someone, without having to resort to juvenile primary school tactics.I don't think there is anything else of substance worth commenting on., or replying to.

Posted by: blueblueyes at September 2, 2008 12:52 PM

Posted by: blueblueyes at September 1, 2008 3:45 PM

Ken, I was moved to make a comment on your assertions re female genitalia and women using withrawal of "privelidges" (your word) as a power control mechanism. But really it is not worth wasting the oxygen.

There is a 4 year gap in our ages but a 100 year gap in our attitudes and knowledge of women. Evidently most of the other female bloggers have thought your post not worth the effort either. Esprit gently advised you that your ideas were off beam and I suggest you take notice of her.

I wonder about male profiles which use the words "tactile" "not looking for recreational sex" and specify as a condition a meeting within 7 days.
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at September 2, 2008 12:50 PM

Actualy my previous post made me think about the "having children" thing too.
Kaz, ELF, MT, WN and others, it sounds like many of our previous partners "sired" our children, but really weren't exactly great fathers.
I have come to the conclusion, a lot of men want children to prove they can do it (e.g. are virile, "don't shoot blanks" ,etc.) but that doesn't mean they really know, understand or care what being a father really is, much less the time and sacrifice that is needed to be a great dad!

My ex fathered our 4 children, but he never got up to the children at night, or sat with them when they were sick or spent any time with them. Our youngest is 12, he is 53, but he still can't give our son any of his "valuable" time. He has him for 3 nights (not days) a fortnight and still yells at him frequently for anything!
His older children barely tolerate him.

If he was to come onto this site, he is a legitimate father of 4, who "live at home sometimes".
Yet he has no experience at all of ever "sacrificing" anything for his children, he even resented the amount of money they took to raise!

I honestly think he would seriously resent any woman who wouldn't put his needs above those of her children.
How "boring", he was previously married to one of those!
I wonder if a man who has never had children could have a more more selfish attitude than this!

Posted by: amberlight58 at September 2, 2008 12:33 PM

Lynath, Kaz & ELF,
What fantastic posts! I agree whole heartedly with all you have said.
Also Amanda's comments as well.

When we were young I believe, many women had no real idea about an "equal" relationship.
Times were different, even if our parents had a happy marriage (mine didn't!) I think it was often because of the fact the women of our mother's generation sacrificed a lot to make those relationships happy.
Some women probably enjoyed being a mother and homemaker, and never being able to do anything else, but for those who had ambitions of trying to combine this and maybe have outside interests or work outside the home, society was not structured to meet the needs of those women.
Hence the rise of the feminist movement in the late 60s and 70s.

However for many of us, we were raised with more traditional values, and we married men who had also been raised the same way. So to become part of your husband's life (and not really look after your own) was the way it was expected to be.
We had our children, often raised them ourselves (almost like single parents) even though we had a husband, the husbands lived their own lives, work, entertainment, maybe some community work. Someone had to be at home with the children and it was usually us!

I wanted much more than this, my husband felt good that he "allowed" me to do outside things (other than work of course, he liked the extra money my nursing night shift wage brought in!). He would look after the children while I went out to after-hours meetings, but I always felt I had to be "organised" the children fed, bathed in their pjs ready for bed. (Funny he never felt he had to help out before his evening commitments!)
However, nothing I did was as important as his "stuff".

And that was the way my marriage was. I tried so hard, but it was never good enough for him. Strangely enough, he never tried hard for me!
My ex didn't want to be worried about the mundane parts of life, I paid the bills, (why couldn't I make the money go further?!) ran the house and raised the children, he did outside work around the yard when he felt like it (I did the weeding and pruning) and resentfully "helped" me out (it was after all, all my responsibility you see) when I couldn't "cope".
I never remember him taking responsibility for anything in our family, or ever having a regular weekly chore, except maybe mowing the lawn which he only did when it looked really untidy or he couldn't find the hose for the grass!
In 22 years he never took me out for dinner at a restaurant and to a movie afterwards!

When our marriage began falling apart, mostly because (as TW put it once) I got sick of being the only person "peddling the bike", I asked my ex to put me and our children as number one priority in his life.
Well, I am here, so it's pretty obvious how well that went!

I would never, ever, go back to being treated so disrespectfully or taken for granted again!
I was devastated when I realised the true extent of my ex's disdain for me.
Once he realised our marriage was all but over, he showed it day after day after day.
I left him because I felt I had no choice and he wanted our house, so he wasn't about to leave me!

This doesn't mean I think all men are the same, (I know and get on well with a number of men as friends) but it means I will never tolerate any crap! Ever again.
I have learnt the lesson you teach people how to treat you, the hard way.

I know I can be alone (I was for most of my marriage!), I know I can get my own house, I can pay my own bills and make my own living.
I don't need a man to do these things for me.
So I can afford to be choosy. I am not "desperate", it worries me not what some men may think of me.
I know I am a caring, loving and (mostly) compassionate person. I know I can be loyal and monogamous.
One day some man may appreciate those qualities, but I'm not hanging around if he doesn't!
A partner, a lover, a friend. Someone to whom I am important, who thinks my needs and values are at least as important as his!
But I know I am "gun shy" and that may well be a problem for a lot of men.

Maybe I will never find that special person..
That doesn't mean I am a failure as a human-being. I am quite happy to be the old matriarchal "spinster" type figure, who everyone knows takes crap from no one!
But who still has a wicked sense of humour!

Posted by: amberlight58 at September 2, 2008 12:08 PM

"Relationships are anything but running a business, running anything really. They are messy and confusing and totally unique with constantly changing 'rules' being about the only rule that is constant."
So very true, esprit - what makes them maddening but also intriguing, I suppose. And what a great attitude your son has with regards to his marriage. I had friends in WA who were married young and together for 15 years, and I asked one of them how she and her husband managed to maintain their relationship. She said it was no big deal for them, they just took it a day at a time and before they knew it, 15 years had gone by, but in a close and happy way. Unfortunately they have since separated as their wishes and goals got to a point of too much divergence, but they don't begrudge the time they spent together and feel blessed to have had the relationship they did.

Rod, it's times like those of illness I always wish my mum was on hand - that's what you need :)

Posted by: malsie at September 2, 2008 12:07 PM

Rod, you know we care - I'll send you some virtual chicken soup. Ask Drifter, it works!

Posted by: willow29 at September 2, 2008 11:56 AM

Hi all........

Starry,hello!

Surnames.........always kept my maiden name for my Profession,and always will.

Such a beautiful day! I am going shopping........bye for now!
R

Posted by: musicteacher at September 2, 2008 11:41 AM

Waternymph47: Is that your verandah?/ Heavens it's magnificent...I am jealous!!!!!!!!

Posted by: okamhere at September 2, 2008 11:37 AM

blueblueyes at September 2, 2008 10:11 AM .
Why is your target age group 52 - 56 when you are 61??? You describe yourself as average but you want a slim/athletic woman. Your hair isn't other.. you are bald, you may have been blonde once upon a time, but that was then and this is now... 2.something years can be a long time between photos.
I did read your profile and you do qualify yourself...broaden your horizons, look outside your expectations.
Yeah I know I can be such a bitch but those who know me on here get where I am coming from.
I think I need to get out of the house, get to the beach and look at some hot young bods...bugga my walking frame will get stuck in the sand.

Posted by: blueyedblond at September 2, 2008 11:32 AM

This is an interesting thread....surnames.

Currently I have 6 letters in my surname and if I were to take on my future hubby's surname and hyphenate it I will have 21 letters including the hyphen. Now add the 9 letters in my first name and that will bring the total to 30 letters.
Well, you alpha males and females beware because I'm gonna be the alpha-bet-h. *Huge Grin*

Posted by: egernia at September 2, 2008 11:25 AM

Well I have a cold today. So the guitar is unplugged, the voice is croaky and unrecognisable. My head is feeling rather heavy and dazed. That'll teach me to walk the streets of Melbourne late at night with inadequate clothing.
It's times like these that make me feel lonelier than usual. That horrible thought that pops into the back of my head telling me that no one cares and there is no one to look after me.
And realising that I have no one to care for or look after when they are sick or needy, no one to share the good and bad times with.
Oh well.
Now where did I put my cup of tea with lemon and honey?

Posted by: tassiedude1 at September 2, 2008 11:23 AM

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at September 2, 2008 9:40 AM..........................Well for my folly,we must suffer the indignity of slings and arrows, as well as distortions of truth... if it was allowed, I could give you some websites on world renown medical institutions...you being the self proclaimed expert and all.....I am not interested in getting into a public brawl or responding to petty inane jibes because of an objectionable truth.....I have learnt not to sweat the small stuff. .........goodbye and goodluck...Ken

Posted by: blueblueyes at September 2, 2008 11:23 AM

Posted by: auntykaz at September 1, 2008 10:14 PM

Kaz, your wish list seems very reasonable and modest to me although chores round the house is a big ask for many guys. Even the grego-matic has been known to fail at cleaning the bathroom at times.
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at September 2, 2008 11:22 AM

timewarp1 at September 2, 2008 10:30 AM I read inflexibility in your post.

Posted by: blueyedblond at September 2, 2008 11:11 AM

yoshi84 at September 1, 2008 10:06 PM. I don’t see anything wrong with your profile. Probably put pic 3 up for view. You don’t have to play a sport to attract women. Just be YOU (and you look ok to me) don’t feign interest in anything to make you seem more interesting. Don’t sell yourself short you are a good looking young man… yeah I know … old lady but I can still look. You remind me of someone who is very special to me… Just stay away from the ball breaking type of woman.. they will eat you up and spit you out. (trust me I know, have 2 sons) If I was your mum I would tell you to go out have fun, go out with your mates, start the serious search for a woman in 5 years time…

Posted by: blueyedblond at September 2, 2008 11:00 AM

woodnwine at 9:07 AM: Sorry to get it wrong, Michael.

I'm a very organised person, and motivated to fit a lot into my life. So I have a set routine for a lot of things, partly to save time. and partly to let me do the usual stuff on autopilot.

In relationships, I like to sit down with the other person (parent, child, spouse, employee) and work out how we'll work together to accomplish our shared, congruent AND independent goals.

I really relate to the girls' talking about having a big and significant part of your life that doesn't involve your partner, and this certainly needs negotiating and organising.

And if it's not working, renegotiate, as often as necessary.

But on top of that, I also have a left brain, to take care of surprises and spur-of-the-moment adventures.

Please tell me what else I need to do. I'll look tonight - gotta do some of yesterday's hookey-day work, as well as today's. Seeyez.

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 2, 2008 10:30 AM

Posted by: blueblueyes at September 1, 2008 3:45 PM........................
Thanks for the comments.....I have noticed in this thread discussion about the reasons why people accept or reject others of the other sex for dates or life partners
.....................In a well reasoned, sensible attitude, this is called "Discernment". However many of us wouldn't be in the situation we are now, if we had learnt this years ago................................I think many of us are rather at a loss how some people make their life partner selection decisions....particularly when you read of what they consider to be of vital significance.
Reading some profiles I notice many comments about ,"what they don't want", just as much as what they do want.Issues like smoking/heavy drinkers/ gamblers etc can be mentioned in a short line. Most here are damaged to a more or lesser degree, does it make sense to advertise this??
I remember my dear old Grandmother telling me, "you get more out of life using honey rather than vinegar." I think it would safe to say many of us could sing the he/she done me wrong song...treat this as a journey of discovery,unfortunately not everything works out for the best, but we get over it and get going again...what dos'nt kill us makes us stronger...

Posted by: blueblueyes at September 2, 2008 10:11 AM

( Surnames come and go but first names are there forever. Ha Ha how shallow does that sound. Posted by: iaminperth at September 1, 2008 8:35 PM )
Perthi .. I have been married and divorced 3 times in my life and now have the determination to carry that birth name with me to the grave. It is no longer neccessary to change your name when you marry .. and why should you ? In Europe the woman's surname is used alongside her husbands name. In some instances a man can take his wife's name. My kids were registered at birth with my surname after their first and second names. My daughter dropped her Father's surname by deed poll at age 18 .. which says a lot I think!! I believe even my son did that too before he got married last year! :-)

Auntykaz, I found myself nodding and smiling a lot over your list. I too try to live by the DO NO HARM philosophy. I'ts who I am!
:-)

Posted by: waternymph47 at September 2, 2008 10:10 AM

hey like the new kissy things specially the "Hi" I can let people see who I am now without having the girls especially wonder what I am doing. Its interesting when you blog on here, you see lots of different people looking to see who you are. I have always done the same myself - sorry I have no visible picture because of what I do for a living - Plus don't want to scare the public toooo much lol

Posted by: lovetolaugh57 at September 2, 2008 10:05 AM

Kaz: PS: If he hides in the shed with beer, and needs to be drunk to get amorous, he's just not into you. Good riddance!

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 2, 2008 10:01 AM

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 2, 2008 9:44 AM

TW, I can get home at on a Friday after work at 6pm, shower, dress, clean the house... and create a banquet for 12 people in just under 45 minutes flat...as you know ;)

It can be done, if one is skilled.

Kaz ....I LOVE my morter and pestle and LOVE your list, it was very honest. TY for sharing....

Posted by: starryeyez at September 2, 2008 9:54 AM

Well, these comments are keeping me quite amused.

I looked at Drone's profile yesterday...didn't see anything I thought shouldn't be in there. Nothing wrong with the picture either..I actually thought the glasses added character (just my opinion).

You know, even my friends seem to be 'experts' in profiling. Apparently I should be 'marketing' myself better...."you can't say you're 10kgs overweight, people will think you can't fit in an aeroplane seat." The BEST one was "everyone lies...get in there and change the WHOLE thing."

LOLOLOLOL So Drone...pay no attention to those who don't like your glasses or your haircut...at least in your case your entire profile isn't "hopeless.".....Friends...ya gotta love 'em.

Posted by: okamhere at September 2, 2008 9:53 AM

well done woody, I hope TW hears you.

Relationships are anything but running a business, running anything really. They are messy and confusing and totally unique with constantly changing 'rules' being about the only rule that is constant.

Lightening up, being curious about an individual, getting to know a relationship for its uniqeness, that is a start as to what it is all about. Facing that there are no guarantees, not at the start, not during the progression, not anytime if the realtionship is really worthwhile - that is what being involved in a relationship is about.

My son has been with his wife for 17 years now, his first love, and I would wager they will be together forever. I asked him a few weeks ago how he did it, how he managed a relationship with such permanency. He looked at me curiously and a little surprised and said "Mum, I don't think of it like that. I know that every day she could choose to leave me if she wanted to so every day I try to make her want to stay. I don't ever take her for granted and I hope I never will."

I guess somewhere along the line I must have done something right as a mother...and it is delightful to see the love they have for each other, how that love has survived through some really hard times, and how happy my grandkids are, taking for granted that their parents are a permanent feature in their lives. I guess because my son and daughter-in-law don't take each other for granted, their kids can.

They teach me about love more than anything else in life ever does.

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at September 2, 2008 9:52 AM

Kaz at 11.31pm: Not hijacking your earlier list, Kaz. Supporting most of it, except the laborious preparation of complicated dishes, which I see as more appropriate for the time-rich unemployed or retired, than for people workig 40+ hours a week.

And I'm right behind your list this morning.

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 2, 2008 9:44 AM

Ken, I know my body, work in medical, work in an area that deals with sexuality and includes sexual functioning and ageing, am well read on the latest research in the area......and see a distorting voyeur for what he is. To discuss women's genitalia in such terms is highly objectionable. At least you have exposed yourself very publically for the state of your mind.

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at September 2, 2008 9:40 AM

Posted by: blueblueyes at September 2, 2008 9:07 AM

Hahhahaahah...KEN...what the??

Poor Ken, he is now having fantasies about KGB chicks, coming to do their Kegels at his front door...oh myyyyyy...and a threesome at that !!!!

Posted by: starryeyez at September 2, 2008 9:32 AM

Posted by: drone at September 1, 2008 11:11 PM

So do I Drone...so do I ...

As I said in the other Blog, I am NOT in a rush. I have been blessed with 2 good men. As most bloggers know on here, I've only had 2 intimate relationships in my life. One of 15 years (married for 13) and one of 8 years. That's 23 good years. So hopefully relationship number 3 is just around the corner....but if it's not, that's ok.

I don't mind waiting.

Posted by: starryeyez at September 2, 2008 9:28 AM

Ken, you haven't a clue about women's bodies and ageing....and goodness only knows how your descriptive post on women's genitalia got past the moderator...... but you are so far away from the truth, it is not funny - gross, but not funny

Posted by: espritlibrefemme at September 1, 2008 5:31 PM..................................
espritlibrefemme it is a shame we should meet on such poor terms, but,I am not going to enter into a slanging match. However, the next time you go to a Doctor or chemist, pick up a pamphlet about this condition, and become more aware... .denials do not alter facts...however inconvenient or objectionable they may be.
Ken

Posted by: blueblueyes at September 2, 2008 9:20 AM

timewarper - you seem to view dating and having a relationship like running a business. It's not.

Posted by: woodnwine at September 2, 2008 9:07 AM

There are heavy set women, in their 60's, that can probably strangle your pesky little garden snake...LOL Posted by: starryeyez at September 1, 2008 7:26 PM O Starryeyes thank you for your comment.... .I have a vision of, (can they be 2 KGB Lady operatives in trench coats??) who knock on my door and say in their husky thick accents, "ve haf had reports of your pesky little garden snake, and ve haf come to strangle it..you know it is against the law to haf pesky little garden snakes ... .restistance is futile...ve haf our ways...""ve can do it the hard way, or the easy way...resistance is futile." I have some questions... 1. will they have clothes on under their trench coats? 2. will they bring their own music? I don't know what is currently on the top 40 in Russia. 3. Can you give a time when they will be there? I'll take the phone off the hook, and make sure I am home.Will they bring their own Vodka?? otherwise I'll get a crate. 4.Having been strictly monogamous in the past, I am straying into new territory with a FFM 3 some, would they be interested in a "friends with benefits" arrangement??? or we could contact them and let them know when I have another pesky little garden snake to take care of....it does happen on a very regular basis..I am pretty flexible.. 5 If I don't resist, can we do this without handcuffs and blindfolds?? I promise not to cry and tell.............................................. I have just fallen out of my chair laughing... .ooooh think I've broken my mouse.....and I think I've lost something...yes I know..it's my sanity...

Posted by: blueblueyes at September 2, 2008 9:07 AM

Morning all. It's very quiet in the sandpit this morning. I will rake it over and prepare it for todays play. Love Gordon.

Posted by: gordon1951 at September 2, 2008 8:54 AM

kaz, you go girl, I for one fully supprt what you are saying, and can soo identify with you as I am sure many other do to...male or female.... yes males toooo.....it is a 2 way street and we have all met the good and bad in both sexes....unfortunately I can only right from my POV as I don't date women, so my experiences are with men!!!! have a nice day all....jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at September 2, 2008 8:35 AM

I agree with ELF and Lynath whole heartedly. I have always stated in my profile also that also. I do think that some men misunderstand what it means though. It doesn't mean a part time relationship, but it does mean having respect for each others space and giving encouragement to maintain ones interests and identity. I believe by doing so both parties can continue to grow with each other.

When I say I am looking for a good friend and companion, it doesn't mean I don't want intimacy, it just means that friendship and companionship in a relationship is important to me.

Of course I want an exclusive, long term and committed relationship and I hope I meet someone who wants the same and who doesn't think it necessary to be joined at the hip. Surely the greatest love two can give each other is the trust and respect to give each other wings?

Posted by: aquamanda56 at September 2, 2008 8:31 AM

Posted by: woodnwine at September 1, 2008 7:57 PM
Ladies - what is it that you want that you actually think we can deliver? Is there anything that would actually make you completely happy?

Oooohhhh YES!!!! LOL

Posted by: starryeyez at September 1, 2008 7:26 PM
There are heavy set women, in their 60's, that can probably strangle your pesky little garden snake...LOL

Nice one, Love it......

Posted by: maestrac at September 2, 2008 1:34 AM

Well I can't see how its ever possible for a guy to get over women's endless high jumps and through the front door to start anything at all. Women have always seemed to complain about "where are the decent men etc" but don't do a whole lot to assist themselves. Still today with so many women their idea of making themselves accessible or available is to stand within earshot of someone they think is nice and trust he'll be mesmerised by her beauty and wander over, or, in a crowded darkened bar to shoot a milli-second glance. Is the guy to arrogantly assume that any woman standing within a metre is there because of his smoldering looks and strong jaw line or any women glancing for a second in his general direction is doing so for the same reason and not looking for the loo or where her drinks might be coming from the bar. etc. When will they get out of medieval times, off their pedestal and come and say hello like normal people? And what are guys to make of girls on RSVP who state "I don't do stamps" or after sending a kiss the best they can do when having succeeded and the guy responds with a "hi, look forward to yr email" or the like , is to sit back & do nothing and make things about the effort a bloke puts in? Nuts I say. It seems women can't resist creating a maze and then scratch their heads about the result.

Posted by: stuart31 at September 2, 2008 12:59 AM

TLD at 10.28: I'm afraid I don't completely understand you.

"you are categorising and sorting women on the basis of how they look to you"

Who doesn't include that as one factor in their thinking? I have a number of other criteria for the initial decision whether to send a kiss.

These start with what I call "veto factors." These lead to immediate culling, ie. no kiss.

In order of importance, for me they actually are:

* only separated
* smoker
* admitted "regular" drinker
* no kids ever
* obvious illiteracy. I'm looking for my match, for Eros' sake!
* excessive slimness or obesity. Turned off equally by the extreme tails at both ends of the bell-shaped curve.
* Only No. 7: looks that I don't want to see in 3D, even once. Usually to do with the apparent character, including hints from how the mouth is held, posture, clothes etc. Very rarely to do with facial beauty or lack thereof.

Then I look for reciprocal veto factors. I DON'T waste my time if she SAYS she wants

* noticeably younger, taller and/or slimmer than I am (especially 5 foot, wanting 6 foot +)
* a companion for extended Australian/overseas individual trips, or to be a grey nomad, now or ever. I don't believe in the first on ecological grounds, or the second on sociological grounds.

Then I read the rest of their profile for bum notes/obvious incompatibilities.

Which does NOT include wiping the very good-looking ones. One of them might actually have the manners to say "no thanks" instead of ignoring my kiss, as is usual for them.
...............................................................

You went on " but complaining that women are doing that to you only on the basis that they are beautiful"

Where did I say that? I am also knocked back/ignored by some quite plain women, but it's only the pretty ones with the wineglass in their hand that are almost guaranteed to do so.
.........................................................

"and therefore should be punished in some way."

You must have a long memory. Long ago, well before Xmas, I suggested that people could be encouraged to actually knock back the ones they wanted not to encourage, by preventing them from saying "email please', if they still had older incoming kisses that they hadn't replied to.

Which I saw as social engineering, not punishment.

But that was before the Sisters had persuaded me last year that most people here do not have my level of concern for the feelings of other humans, and I should get used to it. Which I have. I now use it as a useful early warning system.
......................................................

"so called beautiful people do not automatically sail through life."

Of course there are exceptions to every trend, but they don't abnegate the presence of the trend.

Good morning all. Even my bedtime soon.

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 2, 2008 12:11 AM

And may l just say in closing, ELF, hear hear..........K

Posted by: auntykaz at September 1, 2008 11:45 PM

Timewarp, you are not hijacking my wishlist...... it is mine and l really don't care who agrees with it or otherwise objects.....It is my turn to hog the blog inches for a change.......

Ponder my musings as you will, and note that physical stuff was not incorporated, but if you insist!

l would rather spend time on the couch with my man than have him sitting in his garage smoking, drinking beer and listening to bogan eighties crap...... as distinct from good eighties music..... there was a difference......
Anyway, back to the couch.....
Spending time just enjoying each others company, maybe sharing a glass of red wine together, unwinding after our day.....
Making a meal together and eating it together, rather than eating it alone like l did for quite some years.
Going out together to enjoy an outing and NOT be the designated taxi driver on the way home, now wouldn't that be good!

And the nitty gritty..... yeah you know you want to hear it.......that old brewers droop, it really does exist, know what l mean??
Oh to have a partner, husband, whatever, who can actually make love while sober.......

The best thing l EVER did in my life was to get the man that had been IN my life for far too long OUT of it!!!
You see, it isn't only you guys that have shit marriages you know, they exist for ALL of us.......male and female..... Now, l won't go as far as naming my ex, and the name that l commonly refer to him is unprintable here. Get my drift??

But.....and here is the thing.......We WANT to have something better than what we had.
(Apologies to those who have been widowed, male and female, l am not refering to you here.)

We WANT to believe that we can still enjoy a great relationship with a partner that will be mutually enjoyable and mutually satisfying on every level.

Does it exist? Can it exist? Well god l truly hope so, but if it doesn't l am not going to generalise and say, come on guys what do you want, are you willing to be in a relationship, do you want to be wanted, needed, so achingly, that it hurts.

I will just live and enjoy my life the way l do now. Yes there will be something missing, but l can cope with that. I would prefer not to, but l can. I won't settle for someone that is not for me in every way...............K

Posted by: auntykaz at September 1, 2008 11:31 PM

And also drone is extremely caring with excellent manners.

Posted by: iaminperth at September 1, 2008 11:28 PM

Posted by: starryeyez at September 1, 2008 10:50 PM:
"As far as you giving me advice....ummmm..I have not asked, nor do I need your help on tweaking my profile. I am extremely happy with it...and have an abundance of RSVP contact, that will be keeping me busy for years to come...LOL..."
Well, that's good to hear.

Given all those contacts, I hope it won't take you years to find someone that will take you off the site.

Posted by: drone at September 1, 2008 11:11 PM

that last post was meant toward softfeather not starryeyes, sorry got messed up with the names

Posted by: yoshi84 at September 1, 2008 11:08 PM

Staryeyez, thankyou for the comments, greatly appreciated, im just unsure what it is that youre meaning by -
Please search for a site to lift your spirit, not dampen or damage your true self.
but if youre meaning try to stay true to myself and my beleifs and allways look for the best in things then dont worry, i allready am, even when the glass appears half full i try and look for a way to make it look fuller, try looking from the down side of things to the upside... sure it looks further away to get somewhere though you know with carefull movement you can allways succeed and move past that wall.
am i half hitting the nail on the head with what you were saying?

Posted by: yoshi84 at September 1, 2008 11:06 PM

drone at 10:24 PM: I'm lucky. Only need glasses for computer, which cost me $130 because with the long hours, I need real ones that correct for astigmatism too.

For reading phonebook and close work I use 2.5 ones from the chemist. About $25. And they both look like whatever they look like, so as to frighten off people who judge you by what your glasses look like.

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 1, 2008 11:03 PM

Hi and thanks to all who are joining in "the truth revealed"
The only problem I have with writing these posts is that they could be disillusioning for people starting out for the first time. I would not want to be responsible for spoiling the magic of those entering a permanent relationship for the first time.

As a few people have said here it is so different for those who are seeking partners at this stage of life.

Woodnwine, over and over we women have said that we want a relationship with a man. but most of us have revealed that what we seek is definitely not the same as the first time around. Why can't you accept that? You are always wistful about not finding a relationship but you don't seem to be able to accept that you could have a great one if you are willing to change a bit too.

As ELF said a less than 24 hours a day relationship can still be a very committed one and a very real one and with more hope of survival than most.

Timewarp a "separate space" yet committed relationship is not 'try before you buy" but seems sensible to me. It solves and removes all fears and obstacles that I can think of when two people with past lives and responsibilities meet. The romance factor is more likely to remain very high. Familiarity breeds contempt after all.

Reality at this mid age is getting in the way of fantasy I would say.

The bigger picture is that life is not just all about the couple in the relationship. If that was the case things would be simple.

Midlife we have children still a big part and some people grandchildren(not me they wouldn't dare make me a granny, yet!) and often elderly parents to care for.

I can see it now...open fire, red wine Shawshank ready and Nanna visiting ,sitting on the couch talking about it being a school night.....

Kaz,I agree ..no more electrical appliances!

Hi Malsie!

Posted by: thelynathdiary at September 1, 2008 11:03 PM

Girls, wait til Drone gets his new pictures up...you will be pleasantly surprised........K

Posted by: auntykaz at September 1, 2008 11:01 PM

Posted by: starryeyez at September 1, 2008 10:50 PM:
Actually, that is not really right.

I never asked for advice about my profile at all.

I said I was getting a low response rate, and asked whether that is typical, and wondered if it was worth the time I was spending on here.

People then *assumed* that I was asking for advice about my profile, and then other people assumed from comments (by the initial assumers) about my profile that I was asking for advice about my profile, and it snowballed.

I didn't actually mind fielding the advice for the most part, so I was reasonably quiet about it.

So, no, I didn't (as far as I can remember) actually ask for advice about my profile.

Posted by: drone at September 1, 2008 11:01 PM

Grego
And intelligent and a muso.

Posted by: tassiedude1 at September 1, 2008 10:57 PM

Grego...and have I said any different? I can see he is a nice looking guy...and if you scroll down, I even said so in my post!!

Posted by: starryeyez at September 1, 2008 10:53 PM

Posted by: yoshi84 at September 1, 2008 7:47 PM. Hi Yoshie84. I read your post & instantly felt a connection. I'm in the Senior Earth Mama Demographics, other wise know as "past used by date" :) I wish to say to you if you were going out with my daughter I would be at peace. Your words are with a stated with a conviction of a person with true integrity. As a parent I would be so proud to be the Earth Mother of a young man with your character. As an elder of our society I'm filled with joy to know there are young men who hold the values you display. Your post comes from your heart. Yoshi hold your beliefs, stand firm & quietly, open your heart & a true partner will be attracted to the gentle & loving man you are.. PS. Please search for a site to lift your spirit, not dampen or damage your true self. Gentle blessings Softfeather.

Posted by: softfeather at September 1, 2008 10:52 PM

Posted by: grego7 at September 1, 2008 10:38 PM:
"Starryeyes &MT, in real life drone is quite a good looking *if slightly unfashionable-looking* bloke."

Corrected for accuracy, lol... :)

Posted by: drone at September 1, 2008 10:51 PM

Posted by: drone at September 1, 2008 10:24 PM

Drone I understand what you are saying. But YOU are the one that asked for advice about your profile....you asked the help of your fellow bloggers...and it was given to you. If MT's wording, phrasing was not to your liking, that's just what happens on forums.

As far as you giving me advice....ummmm..I have not asked, nor do I need your help on tweaking my profile. I am extremely happy with it...and have an abundance of RSVP contact, that will be keeping me busy for years to come...LOL...

Posted by: starryeyez at September 1, 2008 10:50 PM

kaz at 10:14 PM: No thanks. I'd rather embrace a woman than a mortar and pestle.

If I want foods cooked with a dozen carefully-blended exotic spices freshly ground, I'll go to an ethnic restaurant, and delegate the washing up too.

Finances permitting, I try to eat out 2 or 3 nights a week, and don't order what I can cook at home in 20 mins (my limit for preparing a meal - got other things to do with my valuable time. Like blogging half the day....)

But until the curry powder bit, I was right with you, Kaz. 100%. Especially the people of either gender who haven't had (or adopted or fostered) kids. Next!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 1, 2008 10:48 PM

hi if there's a man drought I'm here to put my hand up to help end it for one lady i have a good job my own teeth i treat people as equal so don't be shy ladies make the first move cheers

Posted by: alistair2 at September 1, 2008 10:46 PM

Posted by: starryeyez at September 1, 2008 9:30 PM

Starryeyes &MT, in real life drone is quite a good looking bloke. Whoops, sorry drone, not allowed to use those sort of terms. Let me rephrase. In real life, drone, is quite a good looking man. And is also a nice bloke.
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at September 1, 2008 10:38 PM

grego7 at 9:50 PM: My son's godmother in her 40s married a just-retired Norwegian ship's captain that she'd met in a bar in Townsville. Her first, his second.

When they came to Brisbane for him to meet us, he saw I had a Volvo 144. (Towed the trailer with 6 kayaks, when I was a scout leader, and delivered 130kg cartons to customers.)

"Thot'a a vorry good car" he said "You won't freeze to death in her!" Hmmm.....

Posted by: timewarp1 at September 1, 2008 10:33 PM

Timewarp,
yes I am stirring you up. Although I can see how you work and you have explained your reasoning ,it still seems you can't see that you are categorising and sorting women on the basis of how they look to you, but complaining that women are doing that to you only on the basis that they are beautiful and therefore should be punished in some way.
I am saying that your idea of beautiful and someone else's will be different and that people get rejected for all sorts of reasons and that so called beautiful people do not automatically sail through life.

Posted by: thelynathdiary at September 1, 2008 10:28 PM

Regarding post by drone at 9.15pm: I have had that exact same problem on this chat site. I have said things with my sense of humour and it hasnt been taken that way at all. Unfortunately computers do not convey the emotions of the writer. I have learnt the hard way, and now I use emoticons or abbreviatons to get my point across, but it can still be frustrating when things are read entirely different to what you meant. By the way I found no problem with your profile, your hair or glasses. I think the quirky independant style is cool. It says you follow your own way, not what current popular trends say so. I would of sent you a kiss,lol, but your profile says only slim or athletic women,lol. Refer my comments from previous days. Whether you would have responded, well thats another matter entirely...and besides your looking for a Melbourne gal. Is it ok to use the term gal now?

Posted by: missgentle at September 1, 2008 10:24 PM

Posted by: starryeyez at September 1, 2008 9:30 PM:

None of this has to do with the content of what is said. It is more to do with *how* it is said. Yes, the specs I have now might look bad in the current climate, and really out of date. I understand that.

I could look at your profile, and tell you what I think you should do to attract men, but I think it would be rude, and completely out of order, yes?

For me, glasses cost $700 a pop. Not a fashion accessory. The frames I am now wearing are hostages of fashion. Really, if you want to buy glasses, at any time, you have a choice of stuff that mostly looks the same (i.e., whatever is fashionable at the time), and as we know, fashions change regularly.

There is no way I am spending $700 every couple of years just to keep up with the Joneses. That way lies madness in life. That is the path in life that leads to me spending heaps of money on clothes, when the only reason I would be doing that has to do with women, when it is not something that interests me that much in life. And, honestly, that is not sufficient reason.

Each of us only has only so much disposable income, and we should use it in ways that please and interest us, insofar as we can.

Posted by: drone at September 1, 2008 10:24 PM

Posted by: malsie at September 1, 2008 8:04 PM

Malsie, I waited around for my mate to turn up and he eventaully did at 4pm which by then was too late. Would like to have heard Rod's music though. But I now have a good excuse to visit the Apple Isle.
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at September 1, 2008 10:24 PM

Ladies - can I just ask ..... do you actually want a relationship with a man? A real, full time relationship. One where you involve him in your life.

Posted by: woodnwine at September 1, 2008 8:20 PM

What do women want WnW?? Isn't that what you are really asking????

Okay, l will take a different tack and explain what l don't want...and why.... This may take a while, folks, pop the kettle on for me won't you, and make me a nice cup of tea... White, strong, no sugar........

I do not like alcoholics. I was married to one and the crap l put up with was enough to drive me to drinking holy water!

Men who have not had children. I don't care what anyone says, if you have not had your own you do not un