RSVP Blog

Even funnier, is the order of the blog summary on the main rsvp page:

I call mine 'asleep'. Nice freudian slip before.

Szilvia, I like the sound of that, yes... it really rolls of the tongue if you...

Talk about boggling!

Posted by: willow29 at August 12, 2008 2:23 PM

not everything has to be taken seriously..... or held as sacred........

But one can choose to do that with Style and Class... Or Not!

Posted by: creativestuart at August 12, 2008 2:21 PM

Willow

haha. Funny how one tiny letter of the alphabet (e) can totally change the context of a comment.

It's nice to see so many people sharing...

Posted by: egernia at August 12, 2008 1:33 PM

Just for interest willow29 - I call mine 'asleep'. Nice freudian slip before. Smiles Gordon.

Posted by: gordon1951 at August 12, 2008 1:22 PM

oops I've "heard" suggested - not "hard" suggested. Freudian slip?

Posted by: willow29 at August 12, 2008 1:07 PM

LOL, Spanky, I had to have another peak at your profile to get a mental picture. You couldnt call it Senior, as that would suggest its older than the rest of you! Although I've hard suggested "old man"... hehe

Posted by: willow29 at August 12, 2008 1:06 PM

Posted by: creativestuart at August 12, 2008 12:57 PM

Sounds like stuart is of a higher class, it has a doubled barreled name Mr apathetic - slightly dejected....... CreativeStuart....... why the long face..... not everything has to be taken seriously..... or held as sacred........ why not laugh at life once in a while? ...... as always just another thought FTAMOS .... cheers

Posted by: spanky668 at August 12, 2008 1:06 PM

LOL thanks McLuvin - and welcome to the blogs!

Posted by: willow29 at August 12, 2008 12:57 PM

You people need a life!

Posted by: creativestuart at August 12, 2008 12:57 PM

Posted by: willow29 at August 12, 2008 12:22 PM .... the mind (and budgie smugglers) all boggle....... as for "Junior"....?? are you trying to give the little guy a complex (the therapy alone would cost a motza) ....... as for the ceremony..... jointly held, address with courtesy (after all it is the one that is doing the thinking for the man (unless the man is married)... ..LOL) and worry if it speaks back....... Gee these blogs are instructional .....

Posted by: spanky668 at August 12, 2008 12:45 PM

Spankiy, wouldnt it be called "Junior"? If it was JHC the third, what happened to the other two?

LOL the mind (not just the budgie smugglers) boggles. It it was christened, does it have a separate ceremony? Does one address it? Does it speak back?

Posted by: willow29 at August 12, 2008 12:22 PM

Sorry willow29 - but it is true, only because most men have a problem dealing with the words 'penis' and 'vagina'.

Posted by: gordon1951 at August 12, 2008 12:16 PM

Hi Willow29, I have a nickname for mine!!! If you would like to know then feel free to ask. Cheers McLuvin81

Posted by: mcluvin81 at August 12, 2008 12:16 PM

Posted by: willow29 at August 12, 2008 11:16 AM

Mr Happy ....... but if they have a nick name for it ...... does that mean it actually has a proper name???? was it christened??? say Jonathon Henri Charles (the third) ?? ...... just a thought.....

Posted by: spanky668 at August 12, 2008 12:12 PM

"Most men have a nick name for their penis ....". Do they really?

Posted by: willow29 at August 12, 2008 11:16 AM

Posted by: heart2heart57 at August 11, 2008 11:50 PM

H2H, I had not heard of the word misandrist till I came on the blogs. WB has loosely defined it and it is roughly parallel and opposite of misogynist. Man hating-woman hating.

Misandrist has I think, a special function on the blogs, and is used as insult of last resort
especially against Waterbombe in which it is particularly ineffective. An interlectual insult against a highly intelligent person will never work.And the blogs have a high number of intelligent women.

Some of the clever and perceptive barbs launched by Marcus from time to time may have caused a slight dent to the Waterbombe ( and would probably be devastating to others)

Conversely the female insult against male penises being their thinking organ never works because all men know that their penis is a separate entity which does its own thing anyway. Most men have a nick name for their penis which is an admission that it has its own personality.

From my experience, achieved at some endangerment of my person, telling a woman that she has all her brains below her belt does cause some immediate, and usually violent, reaction. It works better on good looking woman who have limited education or feel they are not that bright.

Bomber would be impervious to this insult although in her youth it might have caused a reaction. The problem for the "cave dwellers" is that Waterbombe is not silly. She does not show her profile from which one might find a chink in the armour.

The difficulty is exacerbated because those who choose to attack her do so on her own high ground eg equal rights issues. And with inferior weapons ie poor interlectual argument. The amazing thing is that they repeat the error time after time.

There are one or two misanthropists here who are both misandrist and misogenist but one usually picks them up by their posts.
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at August 12, 2008 10:49 AM

Posted by: creativestuart at August 11, 2008 9:55 PM:
Yet the Girls keep responding, "too far sorry"...

I understand what you are saying... A lot of people have on their ideal partner thingy "within 10k" of wherever they are living - especially if they are in the inner suburbs of a city. Also, there can be a bit of a perceived cultural divide; *some* people who live in the inner city may suppose that you are a bit of a hick if you are not also living in the inner city. I don't live anywhere near as far out as you do (just a bog-standard suburb of Melbourne) but I know people who regard where I live as a backwater.

There are plenty of people on this site, so distance becomes an easier way of eliminating candidates than perhaps it would be in "real life" if you had met through "normal" channels.

Posted by: drone at August 12, 2008 10:32 AM

Or "Old Fuddyduddy" but that could apply to either sex!

Marcus would say "Old Femmo"!

Posted by: amberlight58 at August 12, 2008 10:31 AM

Surely it would be "fartress"? :)

Posted by: willow29 at August 12, 2008 10:21 AM

LIfebegins,
Glad you had a great time, I really hope everything keeps getting better for you.
Cheers,

Posted by: amberlight58 at August 12, 2008 10:16 AM

Thanks kurli - It is just a name bestowed on me by my young niece. I think it's supposed to be a term of endearment. No I don't consider myself old. Have a lovely day. Gordon.

Posted by: gordon1951 at August 12, 2008 9:39 AM

No Gordon.......I.dont think you're an old F**t...(isn't that a self bestowed label?? tut tut man......don't dig your grave yet! :-)
One can be an old f**t in their 20s,and be either male or female........can someone refresh me as to terminology for female "OF"
please?

Posted by: kurli at August 12, 2008 9:33 AM

Sorry kurli - Just had to have a peek myself. They are beautiful photos.
iaminperth aug 11 10.32 - Very interesting post but I hope you aren't putting us all in the same box. Love Old F**t Gordon.

Posted by: gordon1951 at August 12, 2008 8:22 AM

Thanks guys and gals for checking me out!If I don't watch out you'll have me in the Top100..what a giggle that would be!
Creative Stu.....good to see you back again.NO haven't gone solo in glider yet....but hopefully "soon"...I'd go soaring every day if I could afford it!
H2H.........by no stretch of the imagination am I a man-hater(as there is so much debate over the true translation of 'misandrist' I'll use simple terminology understood by all
Willow:O Ge N Ki de su ka?
Yes Marcus as far as men go,I'm solo :-)
Now everyone,let's allow the TW/kurli saga to be put to rest.
Have a good day every one.....I know I shall.

Posted by: kurli at August 12, 2008 8:09 AM

Yes, Perth, I've heard a fair bit of that too.. 'I think what I have to offer is just astonishing, look, I'm a male!' or another favourite ... 'well you old girls must be getting desperate by now, you should be grateful for anyone', and the worst one "I'm sorry that the world is unfair, but it is (i.e. "I'm not going to behave in any way that changes that") and the fact that I'm male and you're female means I'm more valuable". The thing is, there are plenty of really lovely older guys for older women to choose from...we know that, that's why we are so picky. There is no need to fear aging if you are a single female...ok some guys think only with their penises, and want to have a relationship with wallpaper, but a lot of men develop their brains and hearts too as they age...probably the majority, in my experience, and they value older women for things such as decency, humour, good values and intelligence, as well.

Just before the guys arc up, I know there's princessy stuff handed to them by some women, and some of it makes blokes choke. I'm not saying this is one sided...I'm just saying it from my point of view, as an assertive older woman who is tired of the chest-beaters.

Posted by: waterbombe at August 12, 2008 7:55 AM

Its laugheable, the ego astounds me !

Posted by: iaminperth at August 12, 2008 7:37 AM

Well well TW, you've been introspective again ... thanks for the analysis of myself. (I notice your analysis of yourself was rather more complimentary though). However, I observed the tone of Marcus's post too, and wondered if he should pop off to an anger management course and jot down a few notes. You're exactly right though, TW, about freedom of speech...we are all entitled to it, (and Marcus claims the right frequently). Thanks for observing that I'm never too snarky...moderation in all things, TW, is a Good Girl's Guide To Life, and of course I follow that....ha ha. But Marcus, you do sometimes descend to the rather nasty ...should you do a bit of navel-gazing? Do you realise that your really awful comments say a lot more about you than about me, who you have never met and "know" only from a few words on a blog?

Um... is there a female form of the word 'misogynist'. Just wondering...Posted by: heart2heart57 at August 11, 2008 11:50 PM . Fer gods sake H2H, be quiet or you'll wake the Boy's Club who are slumbering in their caves. The word you are looking for is misandrist, but it means more than "criticising a male".

Stu, I think I get it...you say you are living in 'a remote area' because many girls decline to meet you because you live too far away. You think that THEY think that you live in a remote area...is that it? ok. Well, don't place too much weight on the reasons for refusals. Women are generally tactful. I know I will invent reasons that are less hurtful (or shallow) rather than come out and say what I think. "You live too far way" is a good one, "I'm not ready to settle down yet" is another, "I don't think we have enough in common" is another good one etc...when really we just don't fancy the look or sound of the guy. So when women say you live too far away, they may well be saying "thanks but no thanks" in a tactful way. Do you see what I mean...location isnt actually a problem for you, despite what you may be hearing. So cheer up about it, and get cracking...there's nothing to hold you back.

Posted by: waterbombe at August 12, 2008 7:07 AM

Lifebegins: That's wonderful. Glad it turned out well, good luck :)

Posted by: willow29 at August 12, 2008 6:50 AM

Marcus at 11.31am 11th: Mate, I expected more from you. Certainly nice to have your virtual support ("my attacker's attacker is effectively my supporter") but in the process you've abandoned your beloved scientific beliefs, which I share.

Each of us has a fundamental nature. Living in accordance with it, ie. authentically, helps us to feel that things are as they should be, and that makes us happy.

But living differently from our nature requires continuous conscious overriding of our natural impulses, and that is uncomfortable, because we are living a lie. Pretending to be what we're not, and trying to prove it with un-authentic actions, inactions, silences and words. That increases our stress and works against our happiness.

I am naturally chatty and also uninhibited, and this lets me talk unembarrassedly about things which a more introverted/secretive person would carefully keep quiet about. Our long-term readers know what I'm like, and that's me being authentically myself.

Except that I get cranky occasionally, and that post doesn't get through. Twice in the last week or ten days.

Same with WB. It is her nature to criticise - to find fault with the words and actions of others where possible, and not to hold back from voicing those criticisms.

That's just her being her authentic self, whether you like it or not, and in a free society she has that privilege. A steady stream of niggle, but never too snarky.

And without either of us - or you Marcus, especially - there'd be less of the worthwhile and thought-provoking stuff on the blogs that makes them irresistable reading for many of us. Give the lady a break mate.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 12, 2008 12:28 AM

creativestuart August 11, 2008 10:23 PM

"kurli Cool new pics, especially the glider, are you solo yet?"

Changed tack a bit on the future wife's specifications have you cobber?
Kurlis been solo for a while. Gave warped the flick a few weeks ago.

Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at August 11, 2008 11:58 PM

Um... is there a female form of the word 'misogynist'. Just wondering...

Posted by: heart2heart57 at August 11, 2008 11:50 PM

creativestuart at August 11, 2008 9:55 PM : In our profiles we have to name a city/town, and are then encouraged to add more detail, eg mine says "Brisbane (near Mt Gravatt)" - which is a well-known suburb near to mine.

Could you say your town's name, Stu, and then add "(...minutes drive from Melbourne CBD)"

And while we're on profile details, can someone explain to Ms X (12.05pm today) that my photo actually IS dated ("Jan 06") - and last Xmas I added "(now a bit greyer)" I'm more into accuracy than competing.

Signed BoringOldPh**t

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 11, 2008 11:30 PM

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 11, 2008 5:45 PM

TW,In answer to your question what more do I have to elaborate that others have not already done. I thought I had made it clear in my two posts but once more. And I will keep it very simple.

If you make direct contact with a person on RSVP, if you telephone someone on RSVP, if you meet someone on RSVP then DONT identify them on the blogs by using their RSVP name.

Not rocket science, Bill, just courtesy to the other party.
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at August 11, 2008 11:18 PM

Perth, have to admire you girl! You always say exactly what you think!

Posted by: amberlight58 at August 11, 2008 11:08 PM

Thanks to you all.
I went on a first date last night with an entirely different frame of mind than normal after reading these blogs.
Very nice man, made me laugh, insisted on paying for dinner despite my offers, so I will be paying for the next one, and there will be a next one. You have reminded me that we can be our own worst enemies in the dating game, so I am looking forward to next weekend, having left the over judgmental thoughts and self placed hurdles in the closet. So again, thanks for helping a lurker!!!
And amberlight, I am in almost the same situation as you and agree completely with your thoughts.
Cheers.

Posted by: lifebegins47 at August 11, 2008 11:07 PM

I understand what you are talking about WB, this look at me attitude because I am male. I haven't really accomplished anything much in my life, but that's because I am saving the fish or whales or whatever and I am divorced because she was such a whatever and kids and I don't get on because she has turned them against me and I don;t care about material things, can't be bothered I am far too realistic and don't fall for the advertising.....but I think that you and I could really hit it off because I am a male. Well, bozo you might be a male but you are not a man in my opinion and certainly not anyone who is going to sponge off me. Whatever are some guys thinking !!!!

Posted by: iaminperth at August 11, 2008 10:32 PM

kurli
Cool new pics, especially the glider, are you solo yet?

Posted by: creativestuart at August 11, 2008 10:23 PM

waterbombe at August 11, 2008 8:08 PM

You are not understanding what I am saying, perhaps I was being too cryptic.

They are the reasons I am being given!

Soon with the Deer Park Bypass the city trip will be more like 45 minutes with no lights or tolls, a 100-110km/h limit. Very few in any of the traditional suburbs will be able to acoumplish anything like that!

Indeed Ms Gillard is goung to fix (Greg, Marcus, myself and others might think wreck) Anthony's Cutting!

Torquay Beach is an hour, less soon with another toll free Bypass, Daylesford and Ballarat less than 30 mins, Wambat State forrest 10 for great fishing and camping, I have 4 seasons (see snow shot in my profile, and the summer ones) space etc....

And on top of That I am in melbourne at least once a fortnight, would happily make that weekly if there was a reason (wink)

Yet the Girls keep responding, "too far sorry"...

Posted by: creativestuart at August 11, 2008 9:55 PM

Had to have a peek too, Kurli! Good stuff!

BTW, H2H your picture is pretty cool too!

Posted by: amberlight58 at August 11, 2008 9:52 PM

Konichiwa Kurli, I agree, the pictures are great!

Posted by: willow29 at August 11, 2008 9:52 PM

Thanks for that. I think I move in the same sort of world, Iaminperth, from what you have said, and sometimes it is hard to listen to some of the chest-beating look-at-moi I-want-to-scatter-my-seed posts when you realise how badly off some people are. You find people with very indulged lives who still complain they haven't got enough...oh well, enough said, time todo some more work.

Posted by: waterbombe at August 11, 2008 9:47 PM

istj54@5.58pm!
Aren't you one of the multiprofilers(as if I cared what others say).)
Thanks kiddo...the latest pics were time controlled exposures.........NOT my forte,but fun to play with...........grannie kurli ROFLM

Posted by: kurli at August 11, 2008 9:26 PM

Not for a nano second, no I certainly wasn't offended, I'm not that prissy. It was just that I have never thought of myself as a strong woman, but apparently I am. I asked the neighbours. They said some lovely things, can';t believe it. I just do what I have to do, or what I believe I have to do in this life. No, certainly did not take any offence, pls don';t ever think so. I enjoy your posts, sounds you are a down to earth realistic person also and in my world that is an extremely good thing.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 11, 2008 9:04 PM

Kurli, I had a look at your new photos, fantastique!! You'll have to change your name now to biggles or even Kurlibiggles.

Posted by: maestrac at August 11, 2008 8:53 PM

Actually I just checked Google maps to see where Ballan is and it's half way to Ballarat, which I drive to for morning tea, and about as far as Geelong, which is now considered part of Melbourne. To call it a remote area is a joke, Stu. I give up on you, honestly, you are your own worst enemy. But one last thought, look at your positives...you are close to the city, you have a good job and income, you are single and unencumbered by small children so you can move about freely....there is nothing holding you back but yourself.

Posted by: waterbombe at August 11, 2008 8:08 PM

I'm not questioning that it's perfect for you, Stu, I'm sure it is. But you said earlier today that "I am under no delusions that the reasons I am single are three fold, I live and work in a remote area, I am not involved in activities that have me meet potential "dates" , and I have some projects to complete." Posted by: creativestuart at August 11, 2008 11:09 AM . I assumed from that that you think you live in a remote area. I go to Daylesford quite a bit, because I'm a city person and it is full of great cafes, restaurants, art galleries, bookshops, spas...it's a cosmopolitan haven 1 hour's drive from Melbourne. I doubt any genuine country people would want to live in or near Daylesford...it would be too citified for them. There are hundreds of people in that part of Melbourne who could suit you...if you get started on that 390 you will find someone quicksmart, I imagine.

Posted by: waterbombe at August 11, 2008 7:39 PM

Stu, sincerely, you do seem to put obstacles in your own way. " and I have some projects to complete, which logically would have been better to be doing either before or with a partner, not whilst trying to find one."
Welcome to the club mate. Fixing up my house, organising the garden, all 2/3 rd acres of it, then putting the house on the market, does that qualify as a project?
A lot of people have projects on the go, renovations, redecorating, etc even finishing off someone elses work.
Also l am an hour from Melbourne in Mount Eliza, is that classed as remote??
Hardly so. And we don't even have a train line to here!
I wish that sometimes you would go back and read what you write, plenty of people have offered advice to you. What will be will be Stu, you can't make it happen!...........K

Posted by: auntykaz at August 11, 2008 7:22 PM

waterbombe at August 11, 2008 6:05 PM

My location is perfect and I say so in my profile. Everything is close and I have the perfect lifestyle.

I am not the one rejecting anything.......

I even am willing to travel as far as necessary to get to know the right girl..

I happily go to Melb for almost every date, and welcome new visitors here too.

I just need someone to accept these advances!

The closest I get is beautiful people like Amanda, Fifi and Starryeyez saying lovely things about me..... which at least gives me little warm fuzzy feelings inside and the motivation to keep looking.

Posted by: creativestuart at August 11, 2008 6:40 PM

Stu, if Ballan, near Daylesford, is an hour from Melbourne CBD, as you say in your profile, how can you say that is a "remote area"? Posted by: creativestuart at August 11, 2008 11:09 AM . "Remote areas" are reached only by small planes or 4 wheel drives. Daylesford is a really popular spot, within easy reach of Melbourne for day trips and weekends. I go there at the drop of a hat, and I know a blogger who lives in Geelong and goes to Daylesford to work sometimes. I think there would be a lot of women happy to go up there on the weekend, and perhaps you could come down to Melbourne one night a week, since you run your own business and could leave early.Perhaps you could put a more positive slant on your location?

Posted by: waterbombe at August 11, 2008 6:05 PM

Posted by: kurli at August 10, 2008 10:10 PM

Kurli...that post gave me the very biggest laugh out very, very loud that I have had in a long time. I thank you most sincerely:))

Posted by: istj54 at August 11, 2008 5:58 PM

Greg, I asked you a day or so ago to spell out in more (and therefore useful) detail, your suggested criteria for self-censoring in advance, the material which RSVP is comfortable about posting.

Not just for me - for us all. And perhaps with useful comment on the tone and content of my widely-criticised post at 10.18am today, and a certain other blogger's unchallenged posts at 10.10pm on the 10th and 12.05pm today.

I'm off in a minute to dine with a dear friend that I met on RSVP most of 2 years ago. Haven't seen her for a couple of weeks, and it seems like a month.

It's $10 steak night (cooked for you just how you like, and then you serve yourself the salad and/or hot veg) at my nearest Club, and even I can afford that occasionally, if we go Dutch.

Must go and shave, before she gets here to pick me up in her snazzy 2-year-old car. At this moment, she's still gridlocked on the northside, she texts, so I've probably got half an hour. Seeyezall later.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 11, 2008 5:45 PM

Perth I'm sorry if I offended you. I couldn't see you passing out for want of an answer from Kurli, but "tough" was probably not a good word to use. "Strong" would have been a better one. I always like your posts, you are direct and funny and often sum up a situation with just a few well chosen words. So, yeah, strong not tough would be how I see you.

Posted by: waterbombe at August 11, 2008 5:41 PM

creativestuart at August 11, 2008 2:05 PM : You are so wholesome and ready to give that I hope someone soon permits you to email her. Could you put a bit of that stuff in your profile? Heartgrabbing to me, and I'm not even a girl!

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 11, 2008 5:11 PM

iaminperth at August 11, 2008 11:04 AM: I agree with you wholeheartedly. I see the purpose of the first meeting to be twofold: to enjoy meeting a new person with no thought of the future, and then to go from right brain to left brain for a moment and think: do I want to meet this person alone, a second time?

At the end of the second meeting is soon enought to think whether you both want a third meeting. And so on.

Otherwise, you are so right - too many decisions mase far too soon, based on far too little evidence.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 11, 2008 4:59 PM

Regardless of whose comments are being directed at whom, i rest my case maestrac. Your comments have just summarised my views.

Posted by: aqueousdb66 at August 11, 2008 3:04 PM

amorou08.........

welcome.

love what you said however may fall on deaf ears!

Posted by: musicteacher at August 11, 2008 2:40 PM

creativestuart at August 11, 2008 11:09 AM . I know I am like a broken record on this subject but have you thought about changing your t age g

Posted by: blueyedblond at August 11, 2008 2:33 PM

blueyedblond at August 11, 2008 1:31 PM , yes the rejections aren't fun.

And yes there are scammers both ways but like I said below, RSVP do an excellent job with them.....

maestrac
Why do I want childern?

I had what I would certainly describe to be the perfect childhood, and my Dad is my best mate to this day. (mum Died at 59 in 2000)

The relationship I had/have with my parents, grandparents and family is amasing, the things I have learned from them, guidence given, good and silly experiences.

That is what was important to me and what I would have liked to have passed on to another generation.

But I will only do that if the circumstances are right, If I can give children these same styles of experience. Not to buy them every toy, but be really involved in their lives, spend real time with them, be a real parent.

It is always the children who really suffer most too when a relationship breaks.

I have been told here I am too honest but if you look inside a little you will see that a single person deciding to have a child doesn't have that child's interests in mind.

Plus that should read single Girl, because Single men don't have that option anyway!

We do have other options like fostering children, being a "big brother" or similar for those who have been neglected in some way and when I have some projects finished, that is what I intend doing if I don't find my original dream.... Maybe I can pass on to them some of the things I have been so richly given and blessed with....

Posted by: creativestuart at August 11, 2008 2:05 PM

now now good apples - play nicely with each other.

Use your soft voice and say big words like:

I am sorry I did not see if from your side of the ping pong net.

Or try:

If you don't like what I said that is ok just don't attack my values?

or:

We are not all blessed with everything so share with me your good fortune of children.

Or:

It takes a community to raise a child, not just the mum and dad?

Or I don't know and I will listen to anything you have to say as long as it won't hurt?

Peace out xx

Posted by: amourmoi08 at August 11, 2008 1:49 PM

Posted by: aqueousdb66 at August 11, 2008 12:05 PM
Posted by: maestrac at August 11, 2008 12:47 AM - OMG, why don't you get real! Have you considered how many women or men for that matter produce children they can neither afford or are emotionally equipped to handle. For this point Stu and IAM, i agree with you. Maestrac no offence but you sound like the most emotionally self centred person i have come across. Suppose your kids were seen and not heard as well!

Aqueousdb66 I think you need to go and re read my post I didn't make any mention to MY children I was making generalised comments about people who WANT children. But seeing as you brought it up, I got pregnant at 17 and was not emotionally or financially equipped to bring my son into this world but I did, (I also got post natal depression) I also married his father, we never had much money but we were happy for many years. Yes my son and his 2 sisters are healthy and happy but I do know what it's like to have a child that is not physically or mentally normal (for want of a better word), I grew up with one. So don't tell me to get real. Been there done that!!!

And if you re read IAM, (iaminperth?) I think her comments were directed at Stuart not me.

Posted by: maestrac at August 11, 2008 1:39 PM

creativestuart at August 11, 2008 11:11 AM .... How do you think I feel Stuart. I sent a kiss to a guy... he spent a stamp to say hello and asked for my photo password, within minutes of getting it said "Thanks but I think I will keep looking." I replied "I didn't think I looked that bad." Reply said "You have a certain aura." To which I relied " Like the one you get just before you have an epileptic fit." Funny I didn' t get an answer to that.

Posted by: blueyedblond at August 11, 2008 1:31 PM

Stuart, women are not the only scammers on here. Twice in the last few months I have had email from men who, even to the most inexperienced, are not genuine. The broken English and the vagueness of detail in the emails was enough. If you are in doubt copy and past part of the sentences from the email and google it, chances are it has been used before in dating site emails. There is even a site to go to where you can find the origins of the email address. Kurli here here from me, I am sick and tired of the men who have photos many years old and say what they think we want to hear instead of being truthful in their profie. I know this applies to some women too but I am only talking from my expereience. Guys.. just because you confess on a first date to being 5-10 years older than your profile says doesn't make the lie any better.

Posted by: blueyedblond at August 11, 2008 1:24 PM

Posted by: creativestuart at August 11, 2008 8:50 AM replying to - steven212 at August 10, 2008 11:54 PM
For the men at least I believe you are spot on. Indeed it has been the primary reason I have been given in emails for not pursuing anything with me.

Stu, I've re-read your profile and I must admit you sound very interesting on paper. Just a thought, you could mention that even though you live in the country, you are willing to travel to meet the right woman.

Replying to - maestrac at August 11, 2008 12:47 AM
Children aren't fashion accessories!
People that selfish shouldn't have them.

I agree Stu, children are not fashion accessories, what makes you think they are. You want your own biological children from what I gather, what are your motives for wanting them? Why indeed does anyone want children. Who knows, it's a need from within that we can't explain. Indeed many people who don't want children are usually the selfish ones (and I do not condemn them) because they wish to get on with their own lives and don't want to be burdened with children. We are all guilty of being selfish at times and that is a good thing because it means we are giving time to ourselves.

And who are you to say that people that selfish shouldn't have children?...or did you mean fashion accessories.

Posted by: maestrac at August 11, 2008 12:57 PM

Posted by: maestrac at August 11, 2008 12:47 AM - OMG, why don't you get real! Have you considered how many women or men for that matter produce children they can neither afford or are emotionally equipped to handle. For this point Stu and IAM, i agree with you. Maestrac no offence but you sound like the most emotionally self centred person i have come across. Suppose your kids were seen and not heard as well!

Warped, once again you have jumped in where discretion and gentlemenliness should have suggested silence. Posted by: waterbombe at August 11, 2008 10:43 AM - Yep TW, sometimes you over-step the mark but did someone mention black kettles!

Certainly a lot of times on this site it is obvious why many are single. Posted by: creativestuart at August 11, 2008 9:14 AM - Hey Stu, be positive and proactive! Leave the hard core honesty and scepticism at home. :)

Posted by: aqueousdb66 at August 11, 2008 12:05 PM

Ok one and all.........after the Warper's reply to a question directed to me for my PERSONAL reply, here is my slant!
I contacted TW for several reasons:
His apparent pompousity bubble 'needed' bursting.........and here was another guy who thinks women so much younger than he, will be attracted to him.
He is certainly a talker,and can be interesting,at times.
But poseurs and free-loaders I can not abide! I can't decide how long ago his profile pic was taken;(and.....I've probably already said too much for the moderator to let this through,as they so frequently do with Warper)

On a final note: TW you really NEED to practise chivalry,and reduce your verbosity.

Posted by: kurli at August 11, 2008 12:05 PM

waterflambe at August 11, 2008 10:43 AM

Haha. Braaaahhhhh. Waterbombe here.

Another one of your classic bullhorn-from-off stage-interjections.
Who, for fs, invited you to admonish then lecture Warped and patronise kurli and pooches? Not kurli; she can do it from an altitude of 5000 feet and Perth can do it from 5000 kilometres.

Posted by: laughsandtalks at August 11, 2008 11:31 AM

I don't know if I am so tough WB but I have been told many times I am pragmatic and I am certainly very calm in volatile situations. I try not to 'sweat the small stuff' as they say nowadays and get on with life. I have always been very conscious how I present to my kids as I don't believe you can tell children not to do something and then do it yourself. I have also had to work the whole of my life to achieve my goals, although I enjoy the interraction with all ages and have increased the workload now my kids are older and independent., well nearly. My kids know that if you want 'stuff' in this world there is one way and that is work for it. So, I don't know, am I tough, resilliant maybe but I still blubber in movies, blubber everytime we recall a lost pet, miss my mum and dad, more than I thought I ever would and just try to bumble thru life like the rest of us.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 11, 2008 11:20 AM

Maybe I am just over the rejections of every approach....

I am done!

Posted by: creativestuart at August 11, 2008 11:11 AM

waterbombe at August 11, 2008 10:38 AM

The numbers game is absolutely true.
As too the fact I am single.

And when nearly every kiss I send is rejected more dates is impossible!
I would say I am currently at about 1 date in 100 kisses!!

But I am certain that if I lived in Melbourne rather than here I would be getting positive replies to kisses and thus dates.

I am under no delusions that the reasons I am single are three fold, I live and work in a remote area, I am not involved in activities that have me meet potential "dates" and I have some projects to complete, which logically would have been better to be doing either before or with a partner, not whilst trying to find one.

If I were 26 I would have the luxury of time to complete my projects prior to finding a partner. I have lost that luxury at 41

However I stand behind my comments below about relationships and the need to compromise..

Posted by: creativestuart at August 11, 2008 11:09 AM

I think it a little ridiculous to meet someone for the first time and try to size them up as a lifelong partner. I guess we are all guilty of checking each other out in terms of what we look like, how we speak, whether we slurp the coffee, whatever, but to think of the negatives that can happen when meeting a complete stranger seems a little dangerous to me. In fact I think the whole coffee thing is a bit strange to me, almost forced. However if there is a good bit of laughter and a few things in common, would it not be good to perhaps meet again, not the formal dinner thing unless there is quite a big spark but maybe a walk somewhere lovely, a movie which you have both talked about, where you meet there. Something casual where there is no pressure. If you like each other and enjoy each others company there may be a progression. I think a lot of people are putting so much pressure on themselves that they take it out on the person they are meeting. I am the first to admit I am hopeless at this as I like my freedom so much but I have made some good friends along the way, just very very hesitant to take that extra step.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 11, 2008 11:04 AM

exoticorigin at August 10, 2008 9:07 PM: Yes, I remember the pics, and especially their very subtle differences in cranial proportions. And the spanish/english/filipina origins. Very exotic indeed. But not as exotic as ancient Egypt, eh?

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 11, 2008 10:54 AM

A new topic could be Warped does Warped, it's all in the mind.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 11, 2008 10:54 AM

I asked Kurli the question TW and if she didn't chose to answer that is her right. For you to jump in and answer on her behalf is particularly rude and I guess that answers my question.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 11, 2008 10:51 AM

Have to agree Stu, I mean I don't know you at all, but you come across to me as a rather precious judgemental person who is so negative about just about everything. Your dismal lifeless assessments of life and meeting another person astound me for someone your age. I am sure you do not mean to sound like this, but unfortunately on these blogs I think you do and it would put any lively loving female off.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 11, 2008 10:47 AM

Warped, once again you have jumped in where discretion and genlemanliness should have suggested silence. The question was to Kurli, not to you...leave it to her to answer questions directed to her. And you knew very well that Perth would not die wondering...she's far too tough for that small item to bother her.

I wonder if there should be a blog just for you, titled Does Time(warp) Really Tell?

Posted by: waterbombe at August 11, 2008 10:43 AM

Certainly a lot of times on this site it is obvious why many are single. Posted by: creativestuart at August 11, 2008 9:14 AM .

Don't you think a statement like this leaves you wide open, Stu? You're coming across as a bit sarcastic. And aren't YOU single, with only 8 dates in 2 years to boot?

Basically people are single because they haven't found the right person to settle down with yet. That's often just a numbers game.

Posted by: waterbombe at August 11, 2008 10:38 AM

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 9, 2008 5:46 PM

Timewarp, in your post of Aug8 at 11.43pm you made reference to and named a fellow blogger with whom you had outside blog contact and meetings.

Go to the 4th last line of that post. It is very clear and you have actually named the blogger.

In my opinion this is not acceptable and is behaviour of the "kiss and tell" type and people who do such things are usually refered to as cads.

There is no problem with you making generalisations about your past experiences. I think using your ex wifes name is a bit naff but as we do not know whether that is indeed her correct name it probably is inconsequential.

However, a while back you very publicly gave all sort of details about your meetings with the same blogger and used her profile name. This is insentive and ungentlemanly conduct and indicates that you have no consideration for the feelings of the lady involved.

I would also suggest it is not so smart as any potential candidate who reads the blogs would be turned off by such behaviour.
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at August 11, 2008 10:33 AM

iaminperth at August 10, 2008 11:43 PM: I see that your interested question has not been answered, so rather than have you die wondering, I will.

The usual way. She sent me an RSVP kiss which I answered in the affirmative, because I agreed with her appraisal that she was precisely what I was looking for. And she was.

But after about 80 hours together, she decided she wasn't ready to settle down yet, and gave me the flick, rather than putting me on the back burner. Pity about that.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 11, 2008 10:18 AM

Kurli your photos are so good. Keep doing what you are doing and enjoy yourself. Better to be 'alone' with great friends than saddled with someone unsuitable. The photos are smashing !

Posted by: iaminperth at August 11, 2008 9:48 AM

maestrac at August 11, 2008 12:47 AM

Going a bit further....
In my experience, those in my life (young and old) with very sucessful relationships and well ballanced children have...

Been more decisive, more conservative, less selfish, less impulsive, better planners, travelled less, put children's and at many times partners needs before their own.
Been willing to give as much or more than take.

Indeed when I look at at girls on this site who are "adicted to travel" or infact, "determined to be independent" I am wary of them as potential life partners. ( before everyone jumps on that I do give benefit of doubt and would indeed meet and get to know them, but have been found correct many times)

Relationships are about compromise, at every level and giving as much at least as taking.

Certainly a lot of times on this site it is obvious why many are single.

Posted by: creativestuart at August 11, 2008 9:14 AM

john316 at August 11, 2008 1:00 AM

Those will still lie, I have contacted two scammers this last week who said they were local and yet either asked or gave a yahoo email in the first emal, didn't answer any questions or indeed turned out to be in either Nieria or Romania. RSVP are very quick to remove such people and so long as you haven't supplied your email address will usually return your stamps.

Just report such people quickly! Then ignore them.

Posted by: creativestuart at August 11, 2008 8:57 AM

ExoticO @ 8.51pm':
I don't need caffeine or Powerad drinks to keep me going!
The adrenalin of Gliding/soaring for 50 minutes at 3500 feet is enough.

Yes I do my own paperwork business wise and "fit in" some art quilts as well.
Truth is,after being widowed I had to re-establish my own life "my way"........and do the things I've dreamed of doing before it gets too late.
YES I had a great weekend :-) but today..I'm wilting!

Posted by: kurli at August 11, 2008 8:55 AM

steven212 at August 10, 2008 11:54 PM

For the men at least I believe you are spot on. Indeed it has been the primary reason I have been given in emails for not pursuing anything with me.

maestrac at August 11, 2008 12:47 AM
Children aren't fashion accessories!
People that selfish shouldn't have them.

Maybe it is a short coming but I can't function without purpose and a plan.

Also I think an awful lot of the adventurous and impulsive, are also the indecisive and single.

Posted by: creativestuart at August 11, 2008 8:50 AM

IaiPerth!@11.43pm;
If the gander can use the big bad F word when referring to himself,I dont see why the goose can't............Very VBG :-)
(and it got through :-)

Posted by: kurli at August 11, 2008 8:35 AM

Posted by: john316 at August 11, 2008 1:00 AM

john its a privacy issue. you can refine your own searches to include only those within a certain distance of your own postcode.

Posted by: kisskat at August 11, 2008 7:45 AM

Why why why do you not insist on people including their post code in their profile?
I am sick of spending stamps on ladies that life a million miles away!
It is such an easy question to ask.

Posted by: john316 at August 11, 2008 1:00 AM

Hi steven 212, welcome. I enjoyed reading your profile. LOL. Sorry...foot in mouth tonight.

Posted by: maestrac at August 11, 2008 12:55 AM

Posted by: creativestuart at August 9, 2008 9:20 PM Children should be the result of a loving partnership, - I don't agree Stu, why should a single person be denied the pleasure of having a child. There are many single men and women out there who reach the age where they feel their biological clock is ticking and don't have a partner (like yourself). Many, when they get to this age are financially independent (I did say many not all). And because women have the reproductive organs they are better able to fulfill their need to have a child than men in the same situation and so go forth and multiply. Yes children need the positive and loving influences of male and female in their upbringing, but this can be given through extended family and friends. On the other hand, either male or female will find a partner who already has children.

Posted by: creativestuart at August 9, 2008 9:20 PM Children should be the result of a loving partnership, a very well thought out process, that includes the long term plan for providing for them for their lives, schooling and everything that goes with them. NOT something you have just because you want some!

Get real Stu, most people have children because they WANT them. Yes some couples have a plan about starting a family but many go blindly in, have their children and muddle through as best they can. Either way, the majority of these children are wanted. Many young couples can't afford to start a family and they don't look that far into the future regarding costs of bringing up a family, if we all thought about how much it costs to bring up just one child until it leaves school or university, then we'd all go out and buy expensive toys, but we'd be much worse off emotionally.

What I'm saying is Stu, Stop trying to plan out your life to the letter, loosen up and take life as it comes. You sound very regimented and rigid in your thinking, be adventurous and impulsive.

Ok let me have it, guns blazing, both barrels.........Aghhhh, you got me!!!!!

Posted by: maestrac at August 11, 2008 12:47 AM

an observation - I wonder how many people on this site would receive more contacts ( or be more successfull ) with their contacting people if they moved near or within their closest city.
but, then again, there would never be any guarantee of improved results etc

Posted by: steven212 at August 10, 2008 11:54 PM

Oh Kurli You said the F word !! I'm so shocked. You still didn't let us know how you became involved, albeit only for a short while, in the first place.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 10, 2008 11:43 PM

Re: the Warper@ 11.43pm on the 8th,and @ 7.23pm tonight!
What I said was my own thoughts and not those of the (fat) old man who thinks women adore him........(Wake up Warper)
and as for Willow 29......Moi.....a party crasher???
NEVER!! but I accept your apologies (VBG)
and off to study my Gliding manual and get away from Warper's pretensions..............YET AGAIN!
WHY is it that his drivel gets through,and my answers DON'T!!

Posted by: kurli at August 10, 2008 10:10 PM

willow29,...that was funny...hehe....friday night - gate crasher....Saturday, recover from alcohol-hang-over and feel so sorry !!....Sunday, receive bills to pay damages....
:))

Posted by: exoticorigin at August 10, 2008 9:33 PM

Hello Professor Timewarp, thank you, for second the motion of my post. As you continue to elaborate well,..that was perfect reminders to all of us...
Thanks for calling me "doll" still remember my pics? how do I looked.. an "exotic doll" hehe. Ola...

Posted by: exoticorigin at August 10, 2008 9:07 PM

Kurli...Wow! that was amazing, where did you get all those energy? Sometimes I feel exhausted especially this financial year, doing all papers works for my work/business income tax lodgement, plus social activities with my families, friends and special mate. I tried "powerade energy drink'', might helps just a little bit. I rarely watch telly's, although I got international cable channels, but seldom to view due to lack of time. I prefer to spend time in bed for long sleep if possible. Nice to hear your doing well and energetic....

Posted by: exoticorigin at August 10, 2008 8:51 PM

TW - its from BIlly Joel's "You May Be Right"
"Friday night I crashed your party
Saturday I said Im sorry
Sunday came and trashed me out again
I was only having fun, never hurting anyone
And we all enjoyed the weeked for a change.."

Posted by: willow29 at August 10, 2008 8:31 PM

My 2 doggies were the subject of a rather hilarious battle with my ex.
He argued more with me about seeing them than he did about seeing the children. And he saw them more than he saw the children too.
Every time there was correspondence from solicitors, the dogs were invariably the number 1 topic before anything else.
I politely (sort of) suggested that he move on and get a dog or two of his own, but no, he insisted on taking mine for a few walks each week. And he could easily access them when l wasn't home.
I recall one time recently when he dognapped them after arguing with my son.

Absolutely laughable, my son got very incensed and tore after him, rescuing the poor pooches who were probably highly amused at being taken on a joyride.
I wonder what on earth is in his head at times, apart from the booze that is.......
Even the prospect of buying a new house has the dog condsiderations.
After all they are for life, not just Christmas........K

Posted by: auntykaz at August 10, 2008 8:22 PM

TW - its from BIlly Joel's "You May Be Right"
"Friday night I crashed your party
Saturday I said Im sorry
Sunday came and trashed me out again
I was only having fun, never hurting anyone
And we all enjoyed the weeked for a change.."

Posted by: willow29 at August 10, 2008 8:22 PM

coldchapman...........hello.

What a lovely heart you seem to have,and what a lucky little girl you have.

I hope that you find a wonderful woman here.....and I agree with you....it doesn't matter if an older man wants children,or if you are a single mother,who may not be in the same financial bracket as yourself.

Just remember....you can't put baby on the bike!

If I were not in Sydney,and not already involved with someone,and did not already have 3 children under 10....i would have loved to date you......and I love children very much.

I wish you all the luck in the world,
R

Posted by: musicteacher at August 10, 2008 7:52 PM

iaminperth at August 10, 2008 5:49 PM: I was going to say that I don't have TV now, so a little bit after I retire won't do me too much harm, but kurli's said it all for me, and more. Ta, Mo. (That's dynaMo, y'know)

willow29 at August 10, 2008 6:37 PM: Since when did teenage gate-crashers ever say sorry afterwards?

Manners must have improved a lot, since I was at the age to have my parties crashed.

Tennis calls. Seeyezall.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 10, 2008 7:23 PM

Kurli, I thought you were going to say "Friday night I crashed your party, Saturday I said Im sorry..." :)

Posted by: willow29 at August 10, 2008 6:37 PM

exoticorigin @3.10 pm............What's the Olympic games?? (VBG)
Friday evening I spent at live theatre,Saturday I sang in a choir;today I went gliding...two flights totalling `1.5 hours.
Fantastic!
Tomorrow is Japanese conversation,Tuesday is swimming and little theatre rehearsals;Wednesday is choir practice,Thursday is "sight singing and choral techniques"
WHY waste time in front of a TV watching others do things?

Posted by: kurli at August 10, 2008 6:23 PM

Hey Marcus, The labs are more than happy as there are now four adults and a total of 7 kids in two houses and, of course, the new baby. Sometimes the ex husband turns up with his wife and their four and the dog and they all have a barbecue in the backyard with his ex wife and her new husband and three kids, what a noise, it's unbelievable but only in the day time. Come to think of it I don't know who owns the baby ! All very nice people though. They usually end up in the local park playing cricket and pushing little ones in carts. On a more serious note, a lot of dogs end up in dogs homes after breakups which is terribly sad.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 10, 2008 6:05 PM

Agree totally Pisces. I think we all have some idea of the type of person we would like to meet but that choice must be made bearing in mind the reality at the time. When you have children you have an ever changing situation and their needs have to take first place. You only have one childhood where habits are learned and, after all, parents are the best or worse example. Parenting is a real skill I believe and should not be put second place. Is the new partner more important than the children, no I don't think so, time must be for both and the new partner must understand this, if they don't, well maybe it's time to move on.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 10, 2008 6:00 PM

TW Some people just want to do more than sit in front of a television screen when they retire, that's all.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 10, 2008 5:49 PM

piscesgirl56 at August 10, 2008 4:52 PM: Thank you for reminding us that only the child-centred deserve to have children (anyone's children) in their care.

And I'd like to add that wisdom and self-control also help to make a useful parent or guardian.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 10, 2008 5:36 PM

"I want her for her personal qualities and the bliss of our togetherness whereever we are, not for her trinkets, toys and travel aspirations. " TW

ME TOO!

Posted by: creativestuart at August 10, 2008 5:28 PM

"I don't even hear about the larger extravagances of the really rich, except that the 23 members of the Ford family who come to their annual family reunion/business meeting, come in 17 different private jets from about 6 different home airports. At the same time, both ways."

No wonder that company is about to self explode!

Posted by: creativestuart at August 10, 2008 5:26 PM

poochesinperth August 10, 2008 4:46 PM
You make sure those labs are looked after; dogs from broken homes often do not do well later in life.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at August 10, 2008 5:15 PM

About children: I believe they are the blessings of this world regardless whether they are mine or not. Sadly, many parents forget to nurture them the way they need to be nurtured, because money and career and other selfish needs come first. We are all different, which is perfectly OK...but I believe that people who do not like children should look for partners without children - to reduce the number of emotionally damaged, confused adults with social disabilities. This site is excellent, because we can guess from the profiles which person has similar values to ours and choose accordingly - rather than make choices based on looks or other superficial details. Even when the values are similar, there is a big chance that the other person will just not 'feel' right...I believe it takes time and patience before we can find that right person we need - and we should not take rejection personal but rather as a natural learning experience on the way towards that ultimate goal.

Posted by: piscesgirl56 at August 10, 2008 4:52 PM

WW Stu already looked at that I believe, but he is not happy about the exes coming with the kids and doesn't want to deal with any shared parenting which is fair enough. Not like the couple who live behind me who ended in a second marriage with a total of 7 kids. All these kids now seem to move from parent to parent as a group and now there is a new baby involved as well. Oh, and forgot there is the obligatory golden labrador dog, in fact I am not sure, but there may even be two.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 10, 2008 4:46 PM

This whole children debate reminds me of a profile I saw sometime back..... she had marked in children 2, ages between x & y and in want children, she had put "undecided" ........... hey they can't be that bad ?????? I know what she meant (before anyone writes I'm an idiot ...true but for different reasons)...... it just sound great (when misconstrued)..... anyway....just another thought FTAMOS.....

Posted by: spanky668 at August 10, 2008 4:42 PM

exoticorigin at August 10, 2008 3:10 PM : Hi doll. You are so right. For success, priorities should be:

1) Meet extra new people, hoping to become business associates, friends or lover.

2) Cultivate existing business associates, friends or lover.

3) Eat (preferably not alone - that wastes networking time.)

4) Exercise (ditto)

5) Enjoy quiet hobby to recharge creative batteries. (for me, blogging and writing poetry. Spend far too long on blogging. Thanks for reminder.)

6) Get enough sleep.

Will now unload Hills hoist and then have a siesta-snore till I leave for tennis at 7pm. Seeyez.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 10, 2008 4:19 PM

Timewarp..thanks for the welcome back :)

Like jewels and perth i see so many other things and opportunities coming closer as my children grow older. I loved being a mother but that was never all i was..and now there is time to pursue other things..and it would be even greater to do it with a like minded partner.

I meant no disrepect to men or women that are happy to have children later, it's just not for me :)

Posted by: sweetenuff67 at August 10, 2008 4:16 PM

junebaby57 at August 10, 2008 12:44 PM: You make a very good point. There are two factors to consider when choosing your next man: what he is, and what he has.

The first affects how good a time you'll have together, whereever you are, and the second affects where you can afford to live or travel while you're together.

I look with interest rather than envy at the luxury-consuming actions of the richer members of the first world. I see them buying wine at over $20 a bottle, cars and boats that cost over $40,000 each, and houses measuring over 25 squares in floor area.

I see expensive gas-guzzling (or worse still, avgas-guzzling) long-distance/overseas holidays on so many over-50s' shopping lists.

I don't even hear about the larger extravagances of the really rich, except that the 23 members of the Ford family who come to their annual family reunion/business meeting, come in 17 different private jets from about 6 different home airports. At the same time, both ways.

And I see them all as a squandering of the world's scarce resources on excessive luxuries that is becoming less defencible every year.

So I'm focussing on looking for a woman with a personality that I can really admire, and if she can't afford the ecologically-selfish extravagances that I can't afford, hey, that's fine by me.

I want her for her personal qualities and the bliss of our togetherness whereever we are, not for her trinkets, toys and travel aspirations.

Not just power corrupts - so does wealth in excess. I'm pretty fat, but I want to be able to fit through the eye of that 'needle' in Jerusalem. (It's a little gateway in a wall.)
But cheaper to check by measuring it there and me here, than to do the trek.

I'll get the Discovery Channel when I can afford to retire, and do a lot of low-cost virtual travel. But now, a siesta before tennis.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 10, 2008 3:59 PM

creativestuart - can I please suggest to you that at your age you should be more than happy to meet a woman with a child or even a couple of children? As you yourself said, the chances of you meeting, dating, getting engaged to, marrying and then having children with someone are fast getting slimmer. I met my stepdaughter when she was 5 and raised her from age 6 to 18 and it was the most wonderful experience ... maybe not as good as having my own child but reasonably close. So I say .... go for it, you'll almsot certainly love it and that will also open up plenty more possibilities for you in your search.

Posted by: woodnwine at August 10, 2008 3:41 PM

Reading these blogs, it was nice to see you all have time writing this stuff. Have anyone of you watching the Beijing Olympic?

Get off your computer's once awhile, in one stage will transformed yourself self-loving makeover rather than forcing endless net hunting expedition in 24/7. I don't want to be rude but in reality, blogging is time consuming and taken all your valuable time that supposed to be spend on something..or other priorities what ever are those you desire. Go out meet other people outside your parameters, there are many option can captured your dreams, inherent in every intention are the mechanics for it's fulfilment. Trust- when things don't seem to go your way, there's must be reason...

I put myself into powerful principles, that I can use daily to fulfil my deepest desires with effortless joy. As you put into practice, you will realised that you can manifest whatever you have dreaming about...

Like most of you I worked hard but i take time to expressed myself, not just worrying too much. I work 3 nights-full time employee in 12 hours per shift, in manufacturing company. During the day I work with my own business as sole trader. Apart from my busy-working life, I still have time for my special person to spend quality time during weekends. As you see, everything is has to be balance and doesn't need to force any solution but to allow the answers to spontaneously emerge.

Reason why I achieved goals, because I choose action today and not waiting what should be.. whatever the event generates....

Posted by: exoticorigin at August 10, 2008 3:10 PM

sweetenuff67 at August 10, 2008 9:49 AM: Welcome back. Love your profile, with a bob each way.

I wonder if some older blokes say they want kids/more kids actually because

* they have none yet and don't want to miss out, like our Stu,

* if they did have a child, they think that would keep her occupied, and not looking round for a younger bloke on a Harley, while they're at work,

* they have a good income which they have to cultivate full time and overtime, so they expect that like their parents, she'll do all the nappy-changing etc. With hired help, if that's all too much for their own little woman.

What do others think? Especially the blokes in question - some will be reading this.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 10, 2008 3:08 PM

I agree Jewels wholeheartedly.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 10, 2008 2:40 PM

timewarp1 at August 10, 2008 1:08 PM
I guess it depends on your motivations, my love of cars comes from my parents and living on Conrod Straight when young and from as early as I can remember it was a family afair to clean the car, we all treated it with respect and all still do, (indeed the Rover referred to below was Mum's), there were 4 boys and every time we got out our rubbish went too.

I also have a couple of friends who have young families and their cars are immacualte too, and they don't get obsessive over it, just clean them once every couple weaks at least and involve their kids too.

And yes TW I guess that is where some of the frustraion that has surfaced in the blogs comes from too, I think many people want to be accepted for who they are, that is what I was expressing to Troy about finding someone interested in me, not the superficial stuff.

junebaby57 whilst I tend to agree over wanting an equal or at least someone on the same page, I am also going in with a belief of it going to work. I will be careful in my preparations and choices, learn from my past but actually don't believe in prenups, that is like saying I want an out clause before you even commit!

Posted by: creativestuart at August 10, 2008 1:47 PM

creativestuart at August 10, 2008 10:36 AM: If you get a wife and kids and are a bit modern about sharing the parenting/housekeeping duties, Stu, your cars might not stay quite as clean.

Before I was married, I even used to car-polish the black-painted air cleaner cover on my hotted Hillman. Hidden away inside the bonnet! Mechanics were incredulous.

Not any more. After 45 years I'm now on car 9 , and it's just useful wheels. Alternates between 1-seater delivery van, 2-seater day-drive datemobile and 5-seater poets' carpooler. And in Brisbane these days, only the rain has a permit to wash cars in your yard.

My current car isn't who I am.

I am who I am, and anyone who's confused about that fact certainly isn't my kind of people. So I'll race her to yell 'Next!'

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 10, 2008 1:08 PM

a lot of interesting stuff to read on a very cold sunday...

Re the money and car, sorry but money does come into it...I have been divorced so have experienced the how money does or does not affect a break up. For a person my age...I want an equal, I do not want to get involved with some one who has nothing....cause if you fall in love and live together....then fall out...you have to go thru a property settlement. So a equal person and a pre nup is the way to go for me.... I am not mercenary...I don't want thier money or stuff, but they need to have it as living life, plus future overseas travels does not come cheap!!!!! Plus what is mine will eventually go to my boys, the same as what he has will be for his children.

Now meeting a man my age with very young children....NOT for me. My youngest is now 19, I can now see FREEDOM in my future, travel, weekends away , doing my own stuff with an equally free partner ....that is what I want. No more younger children......not for me at any rate. But that is my choice.....so if men kiss me with children under the age of about 15, I have to say no....just my thoughts on a very cold sunday...jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at August 10, 2008 12:44 PM

Stu, there are also lots of women who would love men to take a chance on them you know. It is not solely a male domain.

I think we all get that.........
Positive up, l say, always look on the bright side of life and all that stuff.
Negative aint no good. For anyone. Especially if a partner is the ultimate goal...................K

Posted by: auntykaz at August 10, 2008 11:47 AM

colchapman1 at August 10, 2008 9:55 AM: Welcome to someone with very sound ideas.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 10, 2008 11:44 AM

guiltypleasure at August 9, 2008 8:52 PM

More assumptions....

I am not going to come out and say exactally how many kisses I am sending but I am and whilst it certainly isn't scatterbomb it is still quite a lot.

Hell how did we get back to this discussion on this blog (actually go down the bottom and read it if you don't believe me) one of the other males was expressing frustration on lack of positive response and asked for figures on other's response rates!!

The one thing you are all overlooking.... In order to get from kiss to date you need positive responses!

We have a consenses that I have a good profile and pictures, that I seem to be a nice guy (the two girls I have spoken to who have commented have said the most flattering things)

I have had some good advice along the way and indeed I have a plan that as been enhanced by it.

But the main point I tried making here, which most of you missed was this..

There are "good guys' on this site, who are sending kisses, but if you want to find them you will have to take a chance, ACCEPT an approach from someone who might be a little older, further away or slightly outside a tight crterior to find them!

Because if I check that little box that says "mutual search" this magic 390 you lot are spruking becomes 20 and that is from the whole of Victoria!

And I can't go on dates if I don't even get invited to send an email!

That isn't a complaint, just the reality.

Posted by: creativestuart at August 10, 2008 10:31 AM

Sweetenuff67, What's wrong with a guy in his mid to late 40's, or even 50's wanting more children?

Aside from the fact he may not be able to sprint as fast as he used to, or toss his child in the air as many times as the child may want...where is the harm.

Quite often older men are more settled, have achieved most of their ambitions and often have the opportunity to now be more child focussed than they were when trying to pay off mortgages and realise ambitions.

My daughter is a single child and I very much wish to give her a little brother or sister if I can. Or at the very least I hope to meet a partner with young children that my little girl can bond and grow up with.

You're never too old I say.

Posted by: colchapman1 at August 10, 2008 10:00 AM

I for one couldn't care if a prospective partner is a single mother on a pension or a high income earner. It is the person I am interested in, not their bank balance.

I have found people from all walks of life (and income brackets) to be interesting, thoughtful and intelligent. I've been wealthy and i've been flat broke...i was never any less attractive or less interesting in either case.

We're all here to find either long term love, companionship or friends. I have only just joined RSVP and can't wait for my first date. I'm excited, apprehensive and impatient.

As a single father who has focussed solely on my little girl for the past 15 months I am very much looking forward to some adult company.

I don't care if she is 10 years older or 10 years younger, my prospective partner will have qualities and attributes that are very rarely determined by age.

Posted by: colchapman1 at August 10, 2008 9:55 AM

Hi to all ( i aren't a new blogger but have not been on them for a while)..

Just thought i would make a comment about wanting kids or not..and when is too old...as a woman of 40 who has done the children thing and doesn't intend to have any more.. i find it a little difficult to find guys that are also in the same boat as me. It amazes me that guys of 45 to 50+ are still keen to have children?? Even if they have a couple already?? What the??

Do other ladies strike this??

Posted by: sweetenuff67 at August 10, 2008 9:49 AM

iaminperth at August 9, 2008 6:02 PM : You overestimate me, doll. The current car is only 17. And its predecessors all went to the wrecker before they were 20.

I classify people who judge your character by the cost of your car or clothes as too mercenary and superficial to be worth bothering with. Neauveau riche, with their taste in their mouth.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 10, 2008 2:33 AM

well. I personally would be a bit wary of dating a fellow of my age who had very young children. for it means that they have a major commitment that is going to last at least for the next 15 or so years. so where does that leave a new partner in their life? For myself, if i was totally smitten I guess I would take on board all that was my partners world, but i'd have to say, if i could, i would avoid being involved with a new younger family.

And then about the age thing...I have a 5 yr rule...up to 5yrs older or 5ys younger.....as i believe that gives me the best chance of having things in common with the other person, yet I get kisses from men in their 60's. Whether they are good sorts, spritely and fit, i still do not think they are a good match for me... they are just outside my generation, I am just being realistic. I have never been attracted to men 10 yrs my senior.

Posted by: aquamanda56 at August 9, 2008 10:56 PM

WB 7.06 That is the biggest dealbreaker!!! - do they think we are blind, stupid, or both not to figure that out in the first few seconds....grrrr

Posted by: qualitygal1 at August 9, 2008 10:43 PM

POM here! Yep from England, hence profile name.... thanks for your feedback and good luck in your search girls! Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

Posted by: pomlovingdownunder at August 9, 2008 9:38 PM

iaminperth at August 9, 2008 7:04 PM

exactally
And two almost sure fire ways to have it fail is if the focus of you getting together is to have children, or rushing to have them are the piority....

Children should be the result of a loving partnership, a very well thought out process, that includes the long term plan for providing for them for their lives, schooling and everything that goes with them. NOT something you have just because you want some!

Posted by: creativestuart at August 9, 2008 9:20 PM

Yes lies are totally unacceptable and the 4 second thing is then totally understandable

Posted by: creativestuart at August 9, 2008 9:03 PM

I have things I need to do, finish the house, work some more on my business....

I am actually ready to close the child door

Posted by: creativestuart at August 9, 2008 3:44 PM

Stuart you sound like a man that can't be bothered. If you want to meet someone, then send a few kisses. But if you don't, then for goodness sakes, get out of your own way and shut down your profile.

Too old, finishing the house, wanting to expand your business, this criteria, that criteria.... excuses, excuses, excuses.

You will never meet someone, because you don't want to - do you?

My friend was a single mum, with a toddler when she met a man who invited her to a coffee. To her surprise, he showed up to the meeting with his two boys - then aged 5 and 6 - in tow. They lived with their Mum, it was not an ideal situation and he was floundering. They started out as friends, someone to go to movies with, companions who coordinated their parenting weekends as some sort of moral support for each other. He was fifteen years older than her, your current age. Like you, he thought his parenting days were over, that being a part-time father was the best he could hope for.

That was ten years and two more children ago.

From the ashes of destructive and abusive relationships, they formed a friendship, then a relationship and finally a business partnership. With her support, he took his wayward and drug-affected ex to court and got custody of his boys. Theirs is now a busy house with five kids, his, hers, theirs.

Now tell me Stu, are you going to tell me that theirs is not the right way to have a family? Sometimes the best thing you can do is take a leap of faith and stop being so prescriptive about how things should be. Just send the damn kisses, okay?

Posted by: guiltypleasure at August 9, 2008 8:52 PM

4 seconds....? When we meet someone in 'real time'...we sum them up pretty quickly as well....we choose to chat or flirt....in a situation where we have decided to meet in order to find out if there is more, especially if there have been emails and phone calls...4 seconds is enough to realise if there is the spark that may tke it further. 4 seconds may be just an expression....it may take 20!!!
Cheers,
B.

Posted by: bm1960 at August 9, 2008 8:29 PM

Me too Drone, me too.......

Posted by: victoriadownunder at August 9, 2008 8:22 PM

I can understand the 4-second thing completely in the situation you describe, Pom. I think many of us do a quick "I'm out of here" when the person turns up and we realise they have lied about their age.

Posted by: waterbombe at August 9, 2008 7:06 PM

I think you are very sensible to think about the age think when it comes to children. I have talked to a few guys who are older than me, in their sixties and have young children. They are either totally financiall strapped or their wives have moved out and left them with them. I can't imagine how some cope, or rather some of them don't. I am talking of guys over 60 and god knows why they started having more children this late in life. Please don't harp about the woman thing that's no excuse. I personally don't think you are at all too old to have children of your own but there is a time clock ticking and you would have to be very very aware of the consequences if the partnership failed.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 9, 2008 7:04 PM

victoriadownunder at August 9, 2008 11:59 AM

Thanks, and hi! Hope you find your chap who loves to cook. :)

Posted by: drone at August 9, 2008 6:59 PM

Of course not Pom, that's what profiles are for. Are you from England ?

Posted by: iaminperth at August 9, 2008 6:55 PM

iaminperth, just looked at your profile to see the face that belongs to the blog and your puppy is soooo cute... Hope you don't mind me taking a peak!

Posted by: pomlovingdownunder at August 9, 2008 6:19 PM

woodnwine, waterbomb, creativestuart..grego7 etc etc
I think I have caused a bit of a stir with my 4 seconds thing. Let me clarify when I state in my profile that I am looking for someone about the same age as me, who would like to have a relationship and would be open to having a family, after all I am only 35, thats exactly what I mean. so when a guy turns up in the pub who clearly looks like he has children the same age as me and been there done that, I can safely say I decided within the first 4 seconds. Don't you thing, haha. I certainly don't think WHAT AN AMAZING OPPORTUNITY!!! maybe I would if I was just after money! But that I am not. I am just a simple girl who wants a nice man whos at the same stage in his life and ready to take a chance.

I don't want to date my dad thanks. I am looking for someone my age... is that so wrong? I just wish people would be honest with photos and age, would make life simple. Also I have dated men both younger and older and am certainly not superficial.

Loved your comments waterbomb, you got it!
Also I don't think its bad to check out same sex profiles, i think its good to check out the competition I say.
I always offer to pay my share BTW, unless a guy insists on paying and wants to be the perfect gentlemen I will let him, but I always insist to pay the next time, thats only fair eh?

Posted by: pomlovingdownunder at August 9, 2008 6:15 PM

iaminperth at August 9, 2008 3:27 PM : "Why ever would a business exec earning over $100,000 pa with assets want to socialize, with a view presumably to establishing a relationship, with someone who lives on cut price chooks from Coles?"

I'll disobey Greg and generalise some guesses. (After forgetting what I actually know about the different ones, Greg.)

1) Because I'd sent them a kiss, and they were doing what you all tell Stu to - when in doubt, meet. Specially when you don't get many kisses/chances and you're not getting any younger.

2) Because something in my profile or my emails or phonecalls appealed to them in some way or other, and they thought "You never know. So why not?"

3) Because when you're as rich as that, the feeling of need for companoinship can sometimes make you clutch at straws - or even, men of straw.

4) Because a buzzer can only give you a buzz, (like Phylida of the pneumatic bliss, waterbomber), so a real person is much more interesting to talk to. Especially if he's an enthusiastic listener and asks leading questions.

Gotta go. Off to a BBQ at my previous book-keeper's, if I may be permitted to mention that, Greg. Seeyez all.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 9, 2008 6:13 PM

Hi Willow and Malsie....yes I DO look at the profiles of most of the bloggers here...(actually mutiple times, as I forget, who is who) ahhh...hard for this new kid on the block, to keep up with you all

AuntyKaz, I will leave you to your own devices girlfriend...I would probably muck it all up. (Geez, I can't even help myself)

But finding a girl for a guy...hmmmm...I might be ok...lol

There were some stats down below, from TW and Drone, also whoever did the original search for Stu..well that's what got me interested in Matchmaking for him. LOL...PLUS I think Stu is a really nice guy, who just needs a kick up the bum... (mind you, only a friendly kick)

Posted by: starryeyez at August 9, 2008 6:06 PM

But Stu, that coupled with the maggots in the toe and the 30 odd blackheads on the back, no, can't quite see an ideal match there plus arriving at the restaurant in a 28 year old car with bits falling off it. Nope, not quite.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 9, 2008 6:02 PM

I know Stu I like getting specials as well but I don't rely on it. I don't run out especially to get a half price chook I must admit, but if I am in the shop, nah I still don't buy it, sitting there for too long. My puppy has a barbecue chook on her birthday. We stick a candle up its butt and sing happy birthday and then pull the flesh off and give it to her. My kids and I have done this since they were tiny and we still do it and they're both grown adults now.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 9, 2008 5:55 PM

grego7 at August 9, 2008 12:27 PM : "I suggest a rule of thumb should be what happens off the blogs stays off the blogs."

Including everything that ever happened to us, or we heard about? So what will be the allowed topics?

I was talking at 11.43pm last night about 3 "typical" scenarios. The exact prices and the woman's dead husband's name were not factual, of course - only the general drift of the meetings, which was an amalgum/generalisation of many women in each class.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 9, 2008 5:46 PM

Perth @3.27, that really made me laugh!! She's got you there Bill, but at this time of day, you're no doubt at Coles...

Posted by: victoriadownunder at August 9, 2008 4:57 PM

I know I've got a cute dog and so have you Stu, now have we got a plan for finding Ms right, like following a straight line. I think you are probably a nice guy and I love where you are living but something's not happening the way it's supposed to. Stop putting your own hurdles in the way and go with the flow sometimes and remember for everyone you meet that becomes a friend they may have a sister or relative they can introduce you to.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 9, 2008 4:09 PM

I suggest a rule of thumb should be what happens off the blogs stays off the blogs.
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at August 9, 2008 12:27 PM

Greg, excellent advice!!

That is one thing that l think is absolutely essential.
When you meet off blog or indeed off site, you are entering a new phase. RSVP provides the introduction point. Nothing more. Imagine if two (or more) bloggers meet and find that they are actually direct opposites in everything. And they clash bigtime. That could have quite a ripple in blogland, far better to keep it off.

I have made some fantastic friends from here, they know who they are :-). Female and Male.....
That we socialise and are in contact is a consequence of meeting here, so is essentially a different forum for friendship and thus is best kept separate.
And l have to say that anyone l have actually met from here has turned out to be a bonus, all very nice people..........

Come on Stu, get your happy face on and give us something to look forward to....Starryeyes is now your official matchmaker. Starry are you taking that up as a new job? If so, have a look for me too will you?? :-)................K

Posted by: auntykaz at August 9, 2008 4:04 PM

iaminperth at August 9, 2008 3:27 PM
At least it would show they were financially responsible...

P.S. I earn that much and I always look for the specials when shopping, it is why I have been able to put my life back together quickly

Posted by: creativestuart at August 9, 2008 4:03 PM

waterbombe at August 9, 2008 3:18 PM

Now you guys are actually getting my dilemma!

I have things I need to do, finish the house, work some more on my business....

I am actually ready to close the child door

Realistically If I met someone tomorrow, I would be 44+ by the time kids came, 65 when they were 21.

It was my lifelong dream, but it is almost time to let that dream go...

Posted by: creativestuart at August 9, 2008 3:44 PM

Whyever would a business exec earning over $100,00 pa with assets want to socialize, with a view presumably to establishing a relationship, with someone who lives on cut price chooks from Coles.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 9, 2008 3:27 PM

iaminperth at August 9, 2008 1:35 PM

Hey I said you had a cute dog you ratbag!

I have also found the most delightful friends becouse of RSVP, some that I hope will be lifelong friends... You know who you are!

Posted by: creativestuart at August 9, 2008 3:22 PM

But then I only need one and am in no rush...Posted by: creativestuart at August 9, 2008 12:51 PM

Stu, you might not be in a rush but if you want kids, as you have said, you should be. You are 41 and your chances of getting a woman 10 years younger are fairly slim. As the guys have suggested you are likely to attract women who are 35+ and who want a child or two, which they will need to do sooner rather than later. The older you get, the older the women who will be interested in you. In another 5 years you'll be 46 and the women who will be in your target group will be mostly past wanting to have kids. I mean, you might get lucky and get a gorgeous woman 15 years younger who wants to move to the country and start a family. But how likely is that, really?

Posted by: waterbombe at August 9, 2008 3:18 PM

And what is wrong with men who are after one thing? Posted by: laughsandtalks at August 8, 2008 9:56 PM . Marcus, men who are after 'one thing' can get it from one of those dolls you can get built to your specifications in the US. I believe Warped was playing with the idea a while ago. You can get 'one thing' from them, and you will get 'no thing' else. Because they're not human. If you catch my drift.

Posted by: waterbombe at August 9, 2008 3:03 PM

starryeyez, "I'm not a Lesbo..LOL..."

wouldn't bother me in the slightest if you were, Starry! That sort of thing doesn't threaten me at all. As Willow29 said also, we all have a look at each other from time to time anyway because we're curious about the person behind the blog comments.
Good luck in your quest to matchmake for Stuart :)

Posted by: malsie at August 9, 2008 2:59 PM

I agree with your comments entirely, no gentleman there, not even a speck. It needs to be extended in my opinion also to ex wives being named and also overweight daughter. These presumably are real people getting on with their lives and to spoken about in such a derogatory manner for their own enjoyment is reprehensible.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 9, 2008 2:46 PM

Posted by: willow29 at August 9, 2008 1:50 PM When I first posted on the blogs (before I knew other bloggers looked at your profile) I saw OG was the last to view,.....I thought to myself "mate, how lost are you ???" ....... then I had a chuckle thinking there must be some 60 something woman in Queensland called Spanky something (68 or something)...... LOL ....GLAB.... after a couple more "visits" I realised what it was..... Fun times.....

Posted by: spanky668 at August 9, 2008 2:41 PM

Why would anyone take offence if someone of the same sex looked at their profile?

Posted by: waterbombe at August 9, 2008 2:23 PM

Starryeyez, we all take a peek at each other. Out of my 20 "last to view you " there are at LEAST 7 females. Some are putting a name to the blogger, some are checking out the competition. So Im sure that there will be no offence taken by anyone - go forth and peek. :)

Posted by: willow29 at August 9, 2008 1:50 PM

Ok, Stu, you could cut the 390 down to 90 , but how would you know who to cut out unless you approached them? As I recall, Grego has already removed the women who smoke and the ones who have kids...those are your main negatives..so you have 390 to reduce further. The only way you are going to meet 'one' is by working your way through 390...it's going to take a while. Better put your skates on. And let us know about the good bits.

Posted by: waterbombe at August 9, 2008 1:38 PM

Stu, Take it from me...you are complaining. I don't think I have ever read a positive post from you only thing going around and around in circles like an old washing machine. Beginning to sound a little self righteous to me and I am pretty sure you don't mean it like that. So, here's the thing, Let's read a wonderful post from you, not complaining about something and then ultimately defending when it's picked up. Want to hear something positive that you have done. You say you are looking for a partner then what have you done today to further that goal. Who have you been kind to today, one person a day, no matter how tiny that expression is. Did you pat your dog, did you go outside to enjoy the colours of nature, did you think outside of yourself. Don't take offense, I think you are in a major rut and maybe a little jolt is needed to get you out of it.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 9, 2008 1:35 PM

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 8, 2008 11:43 PM

TW, I think it not so gentlemanly that you should mention details, no matter how innocuous, of a date or meeting that you may have had with a fellow blogger.

I suggest a rule of thumb should be what happens off the blogs stays off the blogs.
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at August 9, 2008 1:33 PM

Stu, we've been through all this before with you, you got heaps of attention and advice on here a few months ago, and now here you are with exactly the same story again. Grego and Troy are giving you good advice...why not listen? You have 390 women to start with ... let's hear some positive stories about how that is going.

Posted by: waterbombe at August 9, 2008 11:03 AM

Well said Waterbombe...I am only new to the Blogs, so did'nt get to see what advice Stu has received before. But the advice given this week, has been very helpful and heartfelt. It's nice to see members supporting each other. There's some great advice Stu and I think a lot of us, are also learning a thing or two for our own searches. It's wonderful to brainstorm, as well as read each others, opinions and advice.

So ...That's it Stu...Since we are in email contact, I am going to start looking for you !!!...LOL. Get ready I'm about to play matchmaker. Might be a nice change from looking at all the mens profiles.

Hey ladies if you see me taking a peek at you, it's for me...but my new friend Stuart...I'm not a Lesbo..LOL...OK???

Posted by: starryeyez at August 9, 2008 1:06 PM

waterbombe at August 9, 2008 11:03 AM

You all assume I am complaining, when I am not! I use examples to make a point and you lot see it only as a complaint!

Anyway in answer, I am diserning with my kisses, I don't scatter bomb, there needs to be something in the profile that appeals to me.

Then if they want slim, athletic only I will respect that too!

Why waste the time of those only wanting someone within 10kms, and other things that will obviously only have them wondering why I "kissed". Though I do occasionally reward a particularly nice smile or photograph (especially as a photographer) with a kiss.

Like others have said there should be buttons available that just says "nice XYZ" in a profile without meaning you are particularly suited to each other.

There may be 390 girls available but there are a lot less than that suitable, or I am suitable for.

But then I only need one and am in no rush...

Posted by: creativestuart at August 9, 2008 12:51 PM

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 8, 2008 11:43 PM

TW, I think it not so gentlemanly that you should mention details, no matter how innocuous, of a date or meeting that you may have had with a fellow blogger.

I suggest a rule of thumb should be what happens off the blogs stays off the blogs.
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at August 9, 2008 12:27 PM

Nice to see you back GTTC, and I'd be happy to provide a reference for you, though it'd make your head swell!!

Drone, what a refreshing profile and attitude to dating. I agree with Decoratress and would send you a kiss too, if only I was in your age range!

Posted by: victoriadownunder at August 9, 2008 11:59 AM

Stu, we've been through all this before with you, you got heaps of attention and advice on here a few months ago, and now here you are with exactly the same story again. Grego and Troy are giving you good advice...why not listen? You have 390 women to start with ... let's hear some positive stories about how that is going.

Posted by: waterbombe at August 9, 2008 11:03 AM

If you can't afford it why would you be in a very expensive restaurant anyway. For gods sake why quibble over a cup of coffee, just pay for the darned thing and hopefully it's enjoyable.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 9, 2008 9:00 AM

Hello and welcome to all the new posters here - GTTC, Cheeky and Nutty!

Gordon, thanks mate, you dont owe me anything - but it will be nice to catch up if you are ever up this way.

Regarding jobs vs dating - often a person puts a lot more time and thought into their resume than their profile - just a thought.

Paying for dinner...if he has just travelled 500km to see me - he would not be expected to pay for anything - I would cook, supply the wine etc. If I travelled 500km to see him - he better bloody pay for the meal if he doesnt cook! :)

Posted by: willow29 at August 9, 2008 7:42 AM

littlebitnutty at August 8, 2008 10:37 PM, your post about references, positions held, for how long etc...like 20 minutes versus 3 minutes....lol lol ...is actually a good idea, after my experiences of males and sex in the last 16 months or so...I am ready to start demanding a CV and references, from at least 3 other sane females.....question, would it be possible??? Maybe it is not as nutty as it sounds.

Now I can only write as I see it, as I only date men, I can only comment about my experiences...so don't all get your budgie smugglers in a knot...jewelsprobablystillhighfromdrugstahtthedebtistgavethis arvo!!!!!!!!!which is why I can't sleep.

Posted by: junebaby57 at August 9, 2008 3:08 AM

I agree GTTC,
what happens after a long-term relationship? Your only referee to fill in the details may be a disgruntled ex!
I suppose, at least the references would be colourful and descriptive!

Posted by: amberlight58 at August 9, 2008 12:05 AM

If I invited someone (male or female) to share a meal in a restuarant with me....regardless of cost,I would deem it my responsibility to pay...after all I issued the invite,didn't I??

Posted by: kurli at August 8, 2008 11:54 PM

drone at August 8, 2008 9:27 PM: Yes mate, Dutch is definitely the go. I'm 72 and I've had about 160 RSVP first dates with women aged 55-75. They usually went like this:

1) Business executive or high-level public servant aged 60ish on over $100,000 a year plus company house/unit and car (about 4 times my income): She says "Of course I always go Dutch." She also wants to choose the restaurant, because she knows what she likes.

Her 3 wines, entree and main add up to $90. My entree and one each wine and coffee add up to $35. She says "What's the total? Let's split it down the middle."

I say "You ordered and consumed 3/4 of the bill, and you talked about yourself non-stop for 3 hours. Dutch means we each pay our own, and yours is $90."

She looks cross and whips out her credit card, so I give her my $35 in cash. Next!

2) Age pensioner, usually about my age or a year or 2 older, and 7-10 years slower. She'd kissed me, and that kind of proactive initiative at that age gets any old girl one date with me. (All admirable behaviours deserve to be rewarded.)

We go to a football club or RSL, and the bill is not even discussed. She assumes the man always pays, like her Bert did when they were courting in 1955. She talks most of the time about her life and times, and I'm usually enthralled. For 2 or 3 hours. But nothing in common now. Especially personal productivity and desired lifestyle. Next!

3) Professional woman 55 to 65 - social worker, psychologist, uni lecturer, teacher, nurse etc: Says "I don't want anyone ever to get the idea that I owe them anything, so I always go Dutch."

We share the animated talking and interested listening for 3 to 5 hours, occasionally 6 or 7 (kurli ten and a half) and they want to pay their share to the nearest 10 cents. Often there's a second meeting.

Don't know how it goes with considerably younger people, but I liked what someone said - something about "I guess you'd be most comfortable about going Dutch."

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 8, 2008 11:43 PM

LBN - References?? Strewth, thats a bit harsh... You'd have to have different categories dependant of the requirements of your aforementioned contract... e.g. Long term support, Short term distraction, 'Special cuddles' prowess, etc... Of course one has to factor in the 'buyer dissonance' effect of previous references as welll.. I think I'll pass and make my own mind up..
GTTC

Posted by: greattimestocome at August 8, 2008 10:44 PM

cheekymonkeyme wrote:
"drone - I have a question for you if person A (male or female) invites person B to dinner and it turns out to be at an expensive fine dining restaurant does person A pay to do they split the bill?

Aslo - women are still on average paid 30% less than men so it's not all equality in life or in the dating game."

OK, re. the first scenario, that is pretty much non-standard, and probably a silly idea for a date, really, unless it is well-understood that this is a venue that is acceptable to the woman on her terms. What you should do in that circumstance, depends on the particulars of the situation, and I'm not proposing to make a hard and fast rule on this for the kind of date I would never suggest in the first place. :)

Regarding the other thing, there are no special wages for women, according to which a woman gets 30% less for being a woman. It really is a lot more complicated than just saying "women get 30% less". But if the agreed venue for the date is sensible, there is no way that the average woman should have any problem being able to afford it. I mean, I've been on dates with women who earned a lot more money than me, and I wouldn't have suggested that they should pay for me because they earn more than me. That would also be silly, I think.

In any case, if you are saying what you are saying purely on equity grounds, then sex/bizarre romantic ideals, and so forth, doesn't come into it at all... the person with the better income should pay.

Posted by: drone at August 8, 2008 10:43 PM

Really greattimestocome? I see your point, but I've come across some that really weren't the effort of taking my clothes off for! :)

I jumped on RSVP at the same time I was job hunting and realised how alike the two processes were. I query whether we should introduce a similar application process for partners - job ads listing the position description (ie. short-term contract to complete a specific task like "special cuddles" or long-term permanent role with a 3-month probation period), then CVs providing experience, previous positions, time at those previous positions and tasks undertaken, reason for leaving, and most importantly REFERENCES!!!!

Posted by: littlebitnutty at August 8, 2008 10:37 PM

Hi Laughs and Talks!
Leave alone the 'one' thing.. Some of us are after 'Any' thing... ;-)
GTTC

Posted by: greattimestocome at August 8, 2008 10:24 PM

drone - I have a question for you if person A (male or female) invites person B to dinner and it turns out to be at an expensive fine dining restaurant does person A pay to do they split the bill?

Aslo - women are still on average paid 30% less than men so it's not all equality in life or in the dating game.

Posted by: cheekymonkeyme at August 8, 2008 10:21 PM

laughsandtalks - there is nothing wrong with them at all except for those that lie to get it. Let's be honest, we all need "special cuddles", but guys are more likely to get "special cuddles" from me if they just be upfront about it.

My point was that RSVP profiles should be taken with a grain of salt...after all..it's much easier to lie in writing than in person isn't it?

Posted by: littlebitnutty at August 8, 2008 10:15 PM

littlebitnutty at August 8, 2008 9:17 PM
And what is wrong with men who are after one thing?

Posted by: laughsandtalks at August 8, 2008 9:56 PM

amberlight58 at August 8, 2008 12:43 PM : Sorry but do not like your new photo spread at all. Dead boring. Same smile in same photo in 4 versions with more or less cleavage. Makes you look one-dimensional, and you're miles more interesting than that.

Need photos with your face at slightly different angles, in different clothes, and as Marcus so rightly avers, one shot showing your head and feet. Check out Joyful's new set for variety.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 8, 2008 9:49 PM

Willow29 - Thank you for your support. If I am ever in Mildura, I owe You dinner. Thank you Gordon XX

Posted by: gordon1951 at August 8, 2008 9:40 PM

timewarp1 at August 8, 2008 9:00 PM

Yes, thanks; very thorough!

I'd say that, despite a few lumps in the carpet, so to speak, you are doing a bit better than me. :) I had a look at your profile, and I think it is very well put-together.

Posted by: drone at August 8, 2008 9:32 PM

One other thing that springs to mind, which comes up from discussion on this thread...

Men paying for drinks/meals, etc. on dates when they hardly know the woman in question.

It saddens me a bit when women equate this with romance, and men actually defend this practice. I will never, ever, pay for anything for a woman I hardly know, in normal dating circumstances. I bet a lot of people will disagree with me here, but, after all, discussion and disagreements are what this sort of forum should be for. :)

The practice of men paying for women made very good sense a long time ago when women were often not of independent means. It made sense then, but it makes no sense now.

If I go out on a date with a woman and she expects me to pay for her expenses, the message that sends to me is that I should be paying for the very privilege of spending time with her. In other words, she needs to be recompensed for having to spend time with me. As far as I'm concerned, that is not the right sort of basis to start anything from.

If anyone expects me to pay for their drinks, etc., *on a date* when they are quite capable of doing so themselves, the main conclusion I will draw is that they are unthinking slaves of tradition - expecting things for no other reason than that "this is how it has been in the past".

Of course, giving people gifts for things they have achieved, treating a friend to a meal if they have had a hard week, etc. are entirely different.

Posted by: drone at August 8, 2008 9:27 PM

gordon1951 at August 8, 2008 7:46 AM: Good news. Hope it's a really enjoyable gettogether, whether anything comes of it or not.

If at the end of it, you both would like to meet a second time (with no thought yet of whether a second might lead to a third), that's even nicer.

Far older phart Bill

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 8, 2008 9:26 PM

I'm not entirely sure if I am reading some of these comments correctly but it seems to me that some members take issue with RSVP being in the "business" of relationships and I find this somewhat odd.

If I spent a large amount of money on the purchase of a business, then employed a number of people to run that business as well as outlaying money on resourcing the business, I would want to be making a good return on it as well. People don't run businesses for the good of the people; they run them to make money.

From my short time on RSVP (taking a break hence the hidden profile), I found that alot of people seem to expect more from this site than what it is - a place to meet new people. To the sleazes, scumbags, players, cheating spouses etc, this is just another medium for sourcing victims (for lack of a better word). RSVP has just taken the real life dating world and put it online.

On a happy note, my mother met her current husband on here after being single for 24 years and they couldn't be happier...so it really does work. I've met weirdos, liars and men after one thing on here, but I've also met some really nice guys and formed great friendships. You have to sift through the bad stuff wherever you are and RSVP is not immune from that.

Posted by: littlebitnutty at August 8, 2008 9:17 PM

creativestuart at August 7, 2008 7:44 PM: For Eros' sake stop thinking about girls under 35. They aren't ready nowadays to settle down till then, and won't look at a feller who wants to.

And far more important, saying you're looking for someone under 35 makes the older ones uneasy. Next bloke!

Strongly disagree about your new main photo. Yes, it's adequately lit. Full stop. Over-lit I'd say. But it's your worst possible angle - the direction you photograph a turkey cock from. The check shirt one is 5 times better looking, I think.

But ask the girls. Whaddaya reckon, girls under 45? Tellim eh?

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 8, 2008 9:14 PM

drone at August 7, 2008 6:24 PM: My personal statistics as requested:

Time on RSVP 2.1/2 years. Kisses sent out - most of 400, initially in batches of 10, about every 7-10 days.

Selection criteria: age = mine down to 15 years less (ie started kissing ages about 55-70), provided I'm also inside or within 4 or 5 years of their specified top limit.

Must be non-smoker, not admitted heavy drinker or separated only, not repulsive looking (plain is fine by me) or skinny, not obviously illiterate or couch potato, and must admit to having had kids.

And most importantly, some of the words in their profile must resonate with me.

Response rate: 1/3 say Email me please, and I do go on to meet at least 90% of those - and of those I meet, 90% only once.

1/3 soon say either that they've just started seeing....(so I kiss them again however many months later, when they show their heads again) or they advise straight away that I'm definitely not on their shopping list.

Final third don't have the manners even to bother to do the couple of mouse clicks that tell me to get lost. This perceived rudeness upset me at first - now I'm glad to know straight away who they are. Next!

Trends: Most non-repliers have well-above average looks, and/or their photo shows them worshipping their wine glass.

Most who don't ask for my email have top age limits 2 or more years younger than I am. I suspect (no proof) that many of them thought that as I'm over 65 I must be retired, ground to a halt and/or over the hill, and they probably didn't read my actual profile to see different.

That any help?

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 8, 2008 9:00 PM

waternympho47 at August 8, 2008 5:50 PM
I think you might find dating sites like this rely on stamp sales and site advertising which in turn depends on volume of members, which is probably inversely related to their partner finding success.
In other words they want people to buy tickets, and have lots of contacts. This place is advertised as the place where more Australians meet (meat) The advertising premise that it is somehow a long term partner finding service (if that was possible) went by the by ages ago and is against their real plan.
Someone like you who is an avowed non consumer of service, but a user of resources and a vocal critic of men, RSVP's main customers, is not part of the business model. To make yourself a good customer you need to be churning through the blokes. ;-}
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at August 8, 2008 8:42 PM

Thanks mate,

No, really, I've been on a lot of internet forums in my time (mainly to do with interests like music, and so on), and it doesn't really bother me if someone gives me a bit of stick from time to time. No harm done on that front - sometimes it can even be something you need to hear.

Thanks for your kind words.

Posted by: drone at August 8, 2008 8:40 PM

drone at August 7, 2008 5:01 PM: Welcome from me too. Now it's weekend I'm taking time to read this new blog from the start, and want to say I was impressed with all your posts, and see you as fair dinkum honest rather that cynical. Please keep posting!

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 8, 2008 8:24 PM

OK, I've updated my profile, and added a bit more information about myself. Thanks to all of you who suggested this.

Any comments would be welcome... the only thing I'm not going to do is jazz it up too much/go for a hard-sell, "I'm great" angle (which I see a lot of on this site). Of course, I could do that.

But that's not really congruent with my personality, and would probably be misleading.

Posted by: drone at August 8, 2008 8:21 PM

iaminperth at August 7, 2008 9:06 AM : I sympathise with your problem because I have it too.

The women who send me kisses (one most weeks) are about my age or up to 5 years younger, but they are well retired and filling their lives with time-fillers, including slowing down their life pace.

Kurli was the only one with my sort of get up and go, except for the little ex-nun I met in 2006 who was born 3 years before me, but was a good 10 years sprightlier. She then found a man 15 years younger who could keep up with her. Maybe that's your solution?

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 8, 2008 8:11 PM

I agree TW - its hard enough for someone to approach a member of the opposite sex, let alone get a brush off like that. Plus this guy is drop dead gorgeous anyway. I think he had guts approaching her when she was ensconsed by her friends. Maybe she would have been nicer alone.. but maybe not.

Posted by: willow29 at August 8, 2008 8:10 PM

kurli at August 7, 2008 12:38 AM: Hi toots. Hows it going? He Majesty is nothing to do with me. I've hardly got time now to post as me, let alone set up my first puppet.

I guess you were suspicious because he/she is talking some good sense, but I am not as pessimistic or critical of others, and proof-read my stuff.

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 8, 2008 7:58 PM

willow29 at August 5, 2008 11:08 AM : Too busy this week to look at this blog till now.

If a girl said to me "What right have you to approach someone as pretty as me?" I'd say "You're right you know! Being beautiful's a real bummer, isn't it? Makes the blokes think you'll be totally stuck up, just because you had the dumb luck to be born pretty.

And it's obviously working for you tonight - nobody's coming to chat you up at all. Only me.

I came over because I thought you might be getting lonely by now, and hoping to talk to a bloke some time tonight - even me.

Hey I don't care how pretty you think you are - I'll talk to anybody."

Posted by: timewarp1 at August 8, 2008 7:32 PM

Thanks Grego - certainly not a saint - but chocolate is certainly helping : )

Posted by: willow29 at August 8, 2008 5:51 PM

Stu, I honestly wish you all the best mate and hope you find someone.

Troy

Posted by: troyohboy at August 8, 2008 5:36 PM

Posted by: woodnwine at August 8, 2008 1:47 PM

Woody, it's true I have asked myself if it's fair to Jen, but what to do? I'm not prepared to move, or be someone I'm not, to catch her. However, if she moved to the 'coast' and wooed me I may, perhaps, move .......that doesn't make sense however I'm getting a feeling of deja vu!!!

Troy

Posted by: troyohboy at August 8, 2008 5:35 PM

Posted by: willow29 at August 7, 2008 3:09 PM
and
"At least the man involved in this weekend's fiasco stood me up before I headed off for the airport."

Willow, you are a saint. With behaviour like that your prospective date deserves a contract be let on him. Your good grace is charming. You are entitled to a quite massive anti male rant.

It makes me wonder whether RSVP should introduce some sort of grading scheme. No idea how it could be designed but it seems to me some males should be taken off the field.
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at August 8, 2008 5:11 PM

Stu, your just not getting it are u!

Posted by: aqueousdb66 at August 8, 2008 4:35 PM

woodnwine wrote:
drone - yes, this whole experience can be detrimental to some people's self confidence and that's a shame because many deserve better. A woman I know had nothing but terrible disappointments and, although she is a truly lovely and well adjusted woman, she thinks it's her fault and has given up.

Yes, that does sound pretty sad.

In my case, I don't really feel like I am owed a partner or whatever, and at the moment, it's simply a matter of determining whether, given the amount of time this process takes up, whether it is worth continuing with properly, or whether I should just go back to lurking.

I'll have a go at modifying the profile, and see how that goes. If it really does come down mostly to the picture, then I reckon (despite some kind words here) I could be in trouble, as I have noticed that I get double the kisses, etc. when my photos are hidden, irrespective of what photos I have up... ;)

Anyway, we'll see... :)

Posted by: drone at August 8, 2008 4:32 PM

aqueous

That Houdini act is very poor form. Whether it be performed by either sex.

Malsie

That's quite a memorable meeting your dad had with that woman.
I can only imagine her reaction.

Posted by: egernia at August 8, 2008 4:24 PM

Malsie, that is truly awful! Especially as you say when many women took public transport. Far out! At least the man involved in this weekend's fiasco stood me up before I headed off for the airport.

Posted by: willow29 at August 8, 2008 3:57 PM

The funny thing is Troy

I am not willing to move, to be someone I am not, to try and catch the right girl, yet if she turned up. I would happily move anywhere to be with her.

Obviously some logic and sense would have to be applied in the practical world, but that is my "feeling", where I would place things on a piority list....

Posted by: creativestuart at August 8, 2008 2:51 PM

aqueous, yes, that's pretty atrocious behaviour. It reminds me of the story told to our family by a mutual friend of my mum and dad's (who was presumably told it in the first place by my dad). When my mum was preparing to leave my dad after a long and unhappy marriage, he decided to advertise for a new woman in some kind of magazine - some sort of lonely hearts thing (way before internet dating). This was whilst mum was still living in the house, but of course he had to think ahead seeing as he didn't have a clue how to boil water barely, and basically was more in need of a housekeeper than anything.

He arranged to meet a woman at the railway station in Cheltenham (England), and she would have travelled for a couple of hours at least by train from where she came from. These meetings were quite a big deal in those days, and it is a quite likely scenario she would have had her hair done, possibly bought a new outfit for the occasion - at the very least she put a lot of time and effort into travelling by train to meet him.
Apparently on meeting, he looked her up and down, and told her, "No, you won't do at all", and walked away leaving her standing on the platform... charmer, eh?
I'd love to say this story was unbelievably out of character. Unfortunately it sounds exactly like what he'd do....

Posted by: malsie at August 8, 2008 2:38 PM

Stuart, I did a quick search of women 35-42 with 75klms of postcode 3342 Ballan who did not have kids and did not smoke. ie your prime target market.

There are 390 females that meet those criteria. You only need to be successful with one of them.

I did not bother with height cause you are fairly tall but you can refine the search a bit more if you want. I think you have a target range 30-42. Forget under 35 chickee birds . You aint gunner get one. Dont put off the 35+ by targetting so young.

BTW, you are not precluding an under 35 contacting you by re-targeting. But you are telling potentials that you being realistic.

So start sending kisses. Say 20 per week. That will take you beyond Christmas.The objective being to meet as many woman as you can. I know you dont think much of the coffee meeting but if I were your coach I would be trying to get you to simply get close to some girls and eventually your natural hormones will take over and you will go hunting.

There's a lovely but lonely girl out there for you but you have to hunt her down. And by hunting I mean it in the true and honourable sense of the word. Searching in the most likely spots.

I believe you need to make a decision re kids. ie do you want them or not. I know you dont want a woman who already has kids and that is fair enough. But what about kids of your own. Be bold. Make the decison. If yes then say it in your
profile.

If you position yourself as a potential father, many of your attributes which may be considred as a weakness for just a dating relationship become a real positive as her
selected mate.

Tell me to bugger off if you like but I can tell you there are a few guys on these blogs who would be genuinely happy for you if you partner up.
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at August 8, 2008 2:28 PM

Troy,

How am I looking for a needle?

I am 41 with the age criterion set 30-40 (so I might still be able to have a family)
the only other criterion I have set is they don't smoke and preferably don't have kids.

As I see it, my only short commings are my location and that I need to loose 15kgs.

And from a number of responses the location is a big thing!!

In that regard I think that perhaps it is a needle I am seeking but as I said below. I am not going to trash the rest of my life on a vague hope of finding someone.

I am happier living here than I could ever be in the city!

Posted by: creativestuart at August 8, 2008 2:14 PM

Aqueous, that's shocking behaviour from those men. Amber is right, you're much better off without them.

Amber I liked your pictures before as well. But I do agree, smiling pictures are more appealing. I had to check out Stuart's dog too :) There's something to be said about a bloke's dog. It has to be a blokey dog but not the type to suggest a bloke is a bullyor overly macho.

Its a bit like the horsey world. I wouldnt look at a bloke who has to drag a stallion around on a chain but if he's riding one in a bitless bridle, I'll go weak at the knees :)

Posted by: willow29 at August 8, 2008 1:53 PM

troyohboy - maybe Jennifer Hawkins is wishing you'd move closer to her. How she makes it through each day I'll never know.

Posted by: woodnwine at August 8, 2008 1:47 PM

Posted by: amberlight58 at August 8, 2008 10:59 AM

Hi amber. I think distance is a much bigger issue than most acknowledge. Jen Hawkins would have to move to the Gold Coast, within 25 k's for us to be together which is, most probably, why we are not hahahahaha. You are absolutley correct in relation to separated being a no go and trying to quit smokers. I never get that...you either smoke or don't smoke, duh.

Waternymph, I believe the looks thing makes rsvp more difficult for women than men. Marcus describes men as more visual which is a polite way of saying that we want our girl to be a good sort physically and mentally whilst a woman tends more than a man to find a man more appealing physically if he appeals mentally. That's why Stu is banking on some much younger, childless, slim good sort spending a bit of time with him and finding the man within as the man without is generally not appealing to his chosen demographic :-)

Stuart, I never inferred you should settle for a woman who is only interested if you are thin and wealthy.......you always come back with that one. I wonder if that is what you percieve from what I write or just what you wish to percieve as a defence mechanism. I was always been pretty successful with rsvp, if you quantify success with meeting people. Lots of kisses daily, top 100 etc. I wonder if that had anything to do with me being happy to meet women around my own age, with or without kids who just needed to be active and accept that I'm a dad. You are looking for a needle whilst I was out having fun with the haystack haha.

Troy

Posted by: troyohboy at August 8, 2008 1:20 PM

Hi Stuart,
I love the one taken with your dog even better!
You look so relaxed and natural.
Something about animals which seems to relax people. And most women really like pets.
Your dog is so gorgeous, however, those blokes who pose with pit bulls or rottweilers are not so cute!

Posted by: amberlight58 at August 8, 2008 1:08 PM

Wow, talk about rude and not very courageous aqueous!
Some people are amazing.
Well, they certainly weren't the strong, caring, courageous type of guy you would have been looking for anyway!
I know who ended up better off!

Posted by: amberlight58 at August 8, 2008 12:48 PM

drone - yes, this whole experience can be detrimental to some people's self confidence and that's a shame because many deserve better. A woman I know had nothing but terrible disappointments and, although she is a truly lovely and well adjusted woman, she thinks it's her fault and has given up.

Posted by: woodnwine at August 8, 2008 12:45 PM

Thanks aqueousb,
For your compliments and input!
Have deleted 3 photos. Left three.
Any help or criticism is cheerfully accepted!

Posted by: amberlight58 at August 8, 2008 12:43 PM

aqueousdb66 at August 8, 2008 12:09 PM

Couple guys i've met gave me the line 'just need to get my mobile phone or wallet from the car' and were never seen again

That is disgracefull!

I would swap your first and third photo...

As was suggested to me it is marvelous what a smile in a photo will do...

Now people like my first photo..

Posted by: creativestuart at August 8, 2008 12:33 PM

Posted by: amberlight58 at August 8, 2008 10:59 AM - I think your main photo is wonderful! From experience i suggest you remove any that are less flattering. After all, most people look better than their photos in person and that is when you get the chance to wow them with your personality. The strategy isn't always successful but receiving some more kisses just might lift your self esteem. Couple guys i've met gave me the line 'just need to get my mobile phone or wallet from the car' and were never seen again but most don't have any problem and are very complimentary. Recently saying to someone how easily five kilos could be hidden they said 'where?' My heart just melted!

Posted by: aqueousdb66 at August 8, 2008 12:09 PM

OK, thanks guys... I'll edit my profile over the weekend and see if I can't be a bit more forthcoming...

Incidentally, I wouldn't suggest myself that, because it seems to be mainly guys who are not receiving many responses, only guys seem to have issues on here.

I suspect that a lot of people really do have to be careful with interpreting the feedback they get off this site, women included. I know of a couple of women using the site who have lost a lot of confidence, not because they are not going on dates, but because the dates end up being unsatifactory, either for themselves or the other guy. And these women are intelligent, engaging, not overweight, and so on - in short, there is actually nothing wrong with them.

Posted by: drone at August 8, 2008 12:05 PM

creativestuart - maybe there is a blogger you might like to strike up a friendship with? Plenty of nice women on the blogs, that's for sure. Just make sure they are actually women though before you date them ..... some could be imposters.

Posted by: woodnwine at August 8, 2008 11:36 AM

waterbombe at August 8, 2008 10:30 AM

I am glad it is so easy for you and even genuinely happier that you have found someone.

It is not for many others.

Like I am willing to bet you live in a major city (I have never seen your profile)

And there is an awful lot of prople on this site who have been here for a very long time. And a lot of those girls are complaining.

I am lucky to even get a date every two months! Or even a positive response to a "kiss, let alone an email!

I am asking a lot with my age and location, I realise that! Hell even some of my friends think I should move back to Melbourne.

But I am not about to trash every other aspect of my life on the vague possibility of getting a relationship, I'm not that desperate.

But as it says below I actually don't care and I am not the one complaining!!!!

Posted by: creativestuart at August 8, 2008 11:12 AM

Yep drone, have to agree with the majority,
Love the humour! But more info about you would be good.
Looks fade, but a great sense of humour and positive outlook seems to last a lifetime!
Good luck, hope it works for you!

Posted by: amberlight58 at August 8, 2008 11:11 AM

Drone,had a peek at your profile...just a suggestion,develop the humour a bit more,the ideal partner bit shows promise..like looking for a roadie...tatts,piercings?you've got a few hooks,develop them.Just like a killer CV.

Posted by: ssshhh at August 8, 2008 11:09 AM

When I looked at profiles (which I no longer do) I looked for signs of what a person is really like, what their main interests are, what their influences are (books, movies, hobies etc). Their looks had some importance too but not as much as other things. Drone, if I was a woman looking at your profile, I'd be thinking you are a musician with a sense of humour but beyond that I'd be left wondering. I think you need to give them a bit more insight into who you are. It's good that you can be funny but there are lots of funny people out there and that doesn't on its own make you compatable with someone or attractive to them. I hope these comments help you with your success rate.

Posted by: woodnwine at August 8, 2008 11:07 AM

WNW & Troy,
I think you make some very good points.
I don't get too many kisses, maybe every 4 weeks or so. Most times I respond positively, but they are never usually followed up by the bloke concerned.

I have only once refused a kiss based on appearance (the guy looked really sulky and not at all happy) as well as he was only separated (maybe still getting over it, by his photo!) and another bloke was only recently separated with six children aged from 3-16, "retired" (can anyone afford to retire with six kids that age?) and his profile sounded like he was really lonely and looking for someone in a hurry. He looked quite friendly, so it wasn't his looks and I love kids and would be willing to take on someone else's, but RECENTLY separated with 6 children (and all the emotional trauma this may involve) plus the fact he seemed in a hurry to find someone new, don't think I was quite ready for that!

I have sent a few kisses (still a bit timid) but I am mostly always knocked back albeit politely, one didn't, but then I realised he was a smoker "trying to quit" (my experience with friends who are smokers is that one out of 10 MAY eventually quit but most don't until they get a health scare). I find the smell of stale cigarettes on a smoker not at all pleasant so I couldn't imagine ever getting too close and personal (which you need to do if you plan on having a relationship!) and I'm not a believer in demanding people change just to suit me!
Obviously I didn't read his profile well enough before I sent the kiss, but then I was trying to be more pro-active!

It is okay to be knocked back, no point in taking it seriously. It could be my profile, maybe I am too verbose or boring, but I think it is mostly my looks.
I am 50 and a mum of 4. Never a raving beauty, pretty average I think, but of course, I looked a lot more attractive in my younger days. My photos are honest, I am only wearing blusher, mascara and a bit of eyeliner. No point in pretending to be what I am not.
But I am obviously not what most men are looking for!

I never expected to find "love" in a hurry, friendship would be great to start with, but I think we all need to think there is potential for something "more" eventually.
However, I realise that most guys aren't looking for friendship first, they are keen for a "romance" (if that's what you call it, pretty much straight away) so I never expected to be "inundated"!
Couple that with the fact, that there are many far better looking women than me on this site, I live 80 kms from Adelaide and I think I am being quite down-to-earth and realistic about my chances. Not exactly great.
However, even "very average" looking blokes, some a lot more overweight than I am, who claim they want friendship first, knock me back, so I guess it's either my looks, profile or the tyranny of distance (even though some say within a 100 kms of Adelaide, maybe they don't really mean that!)

From what most of the other ladies on these blogs say, fantastic looks aren't a major issue for them either, but as TW and Marcus insist, men are definitely far more "visual" than most of us women are.
So maybe RSVP is great for blokes, (one big smorgasbord) but not so great for us women?

I guess I could "re-package" as Troy suggested, but honesty is important to me. Any bloke I meet needs to know I am definitely not a slim, beautiful nymphomanic!
At least he knows, before he wastes his time and energy, who he is likely to be meeting!
But I'm not close to being ready for the $2.00 clearance basket though!

Posted by: amberlight58 at August 8, 2008 10:59 AM

As Troy said ( if somethin' 'aint sellin' then the product has to be re-marketed, re-packaged or consigned to the $2.00 bin.)
Having been in sales & marketing during my working life, I do see the need to keep my profile interesting but aside from adding any new events and updating photos I can't do much more without reducing the honesty. I also don't want to put in the provocative studio photo as that will just get me somone who is keen to find a sex parner and not on who I am.
Of course I look better with a ton of make up on & in a provocative pose but that's not how I look in your average happy snap. In fact Ive been told I look better than my photos more often than not!
Either way Troy , I really think more guys are looking for a Jenifer Hawkins and will happily wait for years till they find one. In fact if you check profiles of guys in their 60+s they are all asking for a woman 10-15 years younger than themselves. Given that women on average live longer thanmen with fewr health problems .. are they looking for a carer?
I do send out kisses and lately the only reason I get a response from them is if they ask for the password on my photo. That password is the only reason for 99% of my replies. .. followed by ...nothing! Not even a thanks but no thanks!
My self confidence is taking a huge beating here but I am a realist .. which would be why I send kisses to guys that seem to have things in their profile that match mine .. similar interests and beliefs ... not looks. I'm 60 so I expect grey hair(or bald) and wrinkles.... even tho I'm blessed with few of either. Yet that still does not explain to me why I get more kisses from guys in their 20s,30s or 40s !? Late 40s I might be able to deal with but any younger than that and the generation gap is too huge and I'd feel like I was their Mum! Or I'd be consigning myself to the "$2.00 bin"!

You're right BM I have noticed people checking my profile .. mostly female.. but I do realise we bloggers like to take a peek at the person behind the blog!

Posted by: waternymph47 at August 8, 2008 10:53 AM

Sorry, I meant good luck GORDON!!!

Posted by: willow29 at August 8, 2008 10:50 AM

Good luck Drone. I hope it is everything you hope it to be!

Posted by: willow29 at August 8, 2008 10:49 AM

Yeah, drone, I like your profile too, and I think you're a good looker (and this is not a Granny Grab)...you could put more information about yourself though, that would be useful, but as decoratress says, don't lose the humour. There are a couple of young lovelies at work who are looking for a guy, I'll point your profile out to them. I know they are on facebook, that seems to be the thing in your thirties...can't hurt...have you done that?

Posted by: waterbombe at August 8, 2008 10:38 AM

Stu, your "so many people are having problems (finding a partner)!" line is wearing a bit thin. LOTS of people don't have "so many problems". They get on here, meet someone, and leave. Most people in relationships don't have the time to blog, so you won't see many represented here. That doesn't mean RSVPers aren't successful. I found relationships within 2 months of being on RSVP each time, until the 4th guy, who I have settled down with. I'm 55 and outspoken, and it didn't take long for a middle aged femmo like me to find a decent person. It isn't that hard...as people keep saying, adjust your expectations....that's the key.

Posted by: waterbombe at August 8, 2008 10:30 AM

drone @ 9.14am...

I for one, love your profile!
Personally, I find wit & humour to be up there with oxygen in importance, & if I'd been in your age group I would certainly have sent you a kiss!
Add info if you must, but please PLEASE don't drop the humorous approach.. for some of us it's a winner..

Posted by: decoratress at August 8, 2008 10:23 AM

Most guys aren't delusional, drone, but it's another thing entirely to have an accurate picture of your own desirability.That's where the problem lies.

Posted by: waterbombe at August 8, 2008 10:20 AM

Posted by: tierachaun at August 7, 2008 3:38 PM Gosh, tierachaun, what an awful experience, you must have wondered if you were still on Earth...I've had that happen too, it's very offputting. Good on you for trying again.

By saying that they don't want to hear from players, they are actually advertising a weakness/susceptibility Posted by: drone at August 7, 2008 8:01 PM . I think that's right, drone. If women need to state in writing what they don't want, then to my mind they have obviously accepted it in the past...some guy has got round their defences on that one before. So the player thinks, well, I'll give it a shot too. As a woman, I wouldn't have any "I don't wants" on my profile at all. A list of wants makes you seem a lot stronger.

Yep, Troy, (August 8, 2008 8:49 AM) spot on! It's not just about what you want, it's also about who would want you. That's what I think you have to be realistic about. If you constantly strike out, do a re-appraisal of yourself, not of the other gender. That will get you further, imho.

Posted by: waterbombe at August 8, 2008 10:16 AM

"The other thing is, I don't really agree that your average-looking guy really expects stereotypically good-looking women to be much interested in his profile. I think most of us really aren't that delusional. Are we?

Posted by: drone at August 8, 2008 9:42 AM"

Yes drone - I think many people are .... bothe men and women.

Posted by: woodnwine at August 8, 2008 9:57 AM

Troy, quite frankly ANY person who only sees any value in me by how thin I am or how much stuff I have I am not interested in at all. They can go off on their own superficial way.

I am looking for a very special lady who doesn't smoke, preferably has no kids, likes the idea of a bit of a tree change, can see past me being over 40 appreciates someone with traditional values and knows what the word commitment means.

The rest I am willing to be suprised by.

When I 'Kiss" I look for those with similar interests or who seem to share my values.

I am not actually upset by rejections, I only am looking for one.

I do get frustrated however by all the complaints that the "nice guys don't exist" We do, however we aren't all driving the latest BMW, living in South Yarra, built like George Clunney! If you aren't willing to look beyound a tiny criterion, stop complaining you can't find who you want!

I am absolutely not complaining. As much as I want someone I actually don't need anyone at all! Indeed there are things I am doing at the moment where a partner would be in the way unless she liked renovations and car restorations.

Posted by: creativestuart at August 8, 2008 9:53 AM

Troy wrote:
"Some men and women on here ask why they only get1 kiss every week or two. They also ponder the reasons only 10% of people respond to their kisses and then mostly negatively. With the greatest respect if somethin' 'aint sellin' then the product has to be re-marketed, re-packaged or consigned to the $2.00 bin. It is important to have self confidence and self belief but for crying out loud get a sense of reality. Shock horror it does, mostly, come down to looks, male and female, right or wrong. I would be very pleased to have Jen Hawkins on my arm but that 'aint gunna happen. Maybe I'm insecure? I believe actually I'm just more realistic than the complainers."

I think part of the problem people have with this is that it is sometimes difficult to get an accurate idea of where they stand re. their looks. After all, no one is going to tell you that you are visually unappealing, so to speak, because that would seem cruel.

In my case, for instance, there is absolutely no point in changing the photos around, because that is actually how I look in real life.:) If I were to discover, for instance, that my seemingly low response rate comes down mostly to looks, I'd just have to wear that, because there really is no magic solution there.

The other thing is, I don't really agree that your average-looking guy really expects stereotypically good-looking women to be much interested in his profile. I think most of us really aren't that delusional. Are we?

Posted by: drone at August 8, 2008 9:42 AM

creativestuart - I think troyohboy has made some good points, maybe a little clearer than I have. My point was also that people need to be realistic.

Although, having said that, I remember once when I was young I was out at a pub with work mates and we watched this truly beautiful girl being ignored presumably because she was "too" beautiful. After watching this for quite a while, I decided to go and talk to her and ended up spending the rest of the evening with her. So, you never can tell for sure.

Posted by: woodnwine at August 8, 2008 9:23 AM

Posted by: drone at August 7, 2008 6:24 PM
drone - people may appreciate that you try to be amusing on your profile but other than that it tells women very little about you. Maybe an up-date with more insight to who you are would improve your odds, which do sound particularly poor to me.

Yes, that's a good point - I was kind of wondering when someone would mention that :). I suppose if I am to take this a little more seriously than I have in the past, it is worth considering. I have used a more "standard" profile in the past, without appreciably different results to this one. But I think your suggestion is a good one, and I'll have a think about it.

Posted by: drone at August 8, 2008 9:14 AM

woodnwine at August 8, 2008 8:07 AM

I think what you have described is exactally why so many are having problems!

Only through meeting really and getting to no each other can any body know another.

Analising and restricting it in that way is bound to bring dissapointment, infact that is exactally why there are so many who have been on here for so long, yet are willing to dismiss most approaches looking for a preconcieved idea of who they will match with.

RSVP is and should be treated only as a contact tool to then get out and meet each other, spend some time together and see what happens.

Posted by: creativestuart at August 8, 2008 9:09 AM

Posted by: woodnwine at August 8, 2008 8:07 AM
totally agree with you woodnwine that a first meeting is not a date. to me, you meet someone via a first meeting, then if all goes well and theres attraction/interest etc then you AGREE to go on your first date after that.

Posted by: kisskat at August 8, 2008 9:05 AM

Woody, Stuart, and others, not only need to properly determine the type of woman they want but, more importantly, understand the woman they can get. Some men and women on here ask why they only get1 kiss every week or two. They also ponder the reasons only 10% of people respond to their kisses and then mostly negatively. With the greatest respect if somethin' 'aint sellin' then the product has to be re-marketed, re-packaged or consigned to the $2.00 bin. It is important to have self confidence and self belief but for crying out loud get a sense of reality. Shock horror it does, mostly, come down to looks, male and female, right or wrong. I would be very pleased to have Jen Hawkins on my arm but that 'aint gunna happen. Maybe I'm insecure? I believe actually I'm just more realistic than the complainers.
By the way woody, no I don't know Jen Hawkins or the type of person she 'really' is (but I'm assuming sensational), it is simply an example.

Troy

Posted by: troyohboy at August 8, 2008 8:49 AM

Stuart, I think another nice thing with the walk, apart from the fact it's enjoyable is that you can get out in comfortable casual clothes and enjoy the views and surroundings. It is a little diversion if there are awkward spots and you don't feel under the spotlight like an interrogation. If the person doesn't like you, that's fine, and if they do, that's fine too and you can work out what you are going to do after that. I mean let's get real, how much coffee can one person really drink!

Posted by: iaminperth at August 8, 2008 8:18 AM

I still think many people are confusing a meeting with a date. A meeting is NOT a date and shouldn't be treated as one. Very occassionally a meeting turns into a date, but this I think is rare ..... although it's happened to me a couple of times and that was nice.

creativestuart - I can honestly empathise with what you appear to be feeling. I really think you need to look deeper into yourself and properly determine what sort of woman you want, think about what type of man that type of woman would normally want to be with and then determine if you are that type of man. I hope this doesn't sound confusing. If you want to be with a quiet, caring wholesome woman then you should only send kisses to that type of woman. If you want to be with someone young, fiery and outgoing then you need to change your self and your image (if possible). Do you understand what I'm trying to say?

I've had the exact reverse where totally inappropriate (but seemingly lovely) women kept sending me kisses so I had to modify my profile accordingly. Without sounding at all "up myself" I imagine those women were feeling exactly the way you are. It's not about how nice a person is .... more about how appropriate a person is IE how likely it is that you will be a good match.

Posted by: woodnwine at August 8, 2008 8:07 AM

"But if (2) is the main reason, then the only real solution is for men to stop contacting so many women. If all us blokes did that, then response rates would go up, and women could actually put some more time into their interactions, rather than sometimes seeming very distracted, because they are keeping too many balls in the air. This will never happen, however... :)
Posted by: drone at August 7, 2008 8:20 PM"

This is no doubt very true drone. If you send out heaps and heaps of kisses then of course your response rate will be much lower than if you are very selective. So men ..... slow down and "keep 'em keen". Ha ha.

Posted by: woodnwine at August 8, 2008 7:53 AM

Hi everyone. I am on my first RSVP date on saturday night. Will give you a fisrt hand reply to this blog on sunday. Have a good weekend and may you all find love. Old fart Gordon

Posted by: gordon1951 at August 8, 2008 7:46 AM

Posted by: drone at August 7, 2008 6:24 PM

drone - people may appreciate that you try to be amusing on your profile but other than that it tells women very little about you. Maybe an up-date with more insight to who you are would improve your odds, which do sound particularly poor to me.

Posted by: woodnwine at August 8, 2008 7:43 AM

"metalscott - can I ask why you're wearing that T-shirt and what exactly it means to you?
Posted by: woodnwine at August 7, 2008 8:18 AM"

Posted by: woodnwine at August 8, 2008 7:39 AM

First dates...exciting, and a reason to be happy, nervous and curious as to how it will go...just the same as when I was a teenager, but now experienced without the angst associated with teenage romance, and also now experienced with the knowledge that no date is the be all, and ? end all of my adult life. If it doesn't work out what have I lost?Nothing ,and in fact have made a few fabulous mates from dates without "chemistry", which is lovely. My previous experience of friendship with men, as opposed to romance , has been fairly limited, to husbands of my girlfriends, and the better you get on with them the less well you tend to get on with your girlfriends!
First date...to me it now means... a fabulous opportunity to go somewhere nice with a ? new friend/lover, and am determined to enjoy the experience.Even if it turns out to feel like a job interview, and not a hot new romance, at least you may have discovered a fabulous new cafe .try to find something positive from each experience( sometimes that is a really big challenge, and i just tell myself to keep looking to the future,always more options and possibilities around the corner!Cheers, and happy thoughts to you all!

Posted by: mousaikalliope at August 8, 2008 5:42 AM

Isnt it amazing that prior to the 1st meeting and even at the 1st meeting whether you are nervous or not the other party feels it necessary to embellish or "lie"....its not really necessary as you will take that person at face value at the 1st meet but they have to go that extra mile and feel its necessary to over talk the truth! I mean be normal, be real, even if you want a shag.......you might even get one even if you are yourself!

Posted by: ruebee at August 8, 2008 1:02 AM

Thanks for the advice people. Im hoping to get some more first dates, but to be honest i havent been on a date in about 8months. Plus no one seems interested in spending time with someone who is leaving the state, which i have to say is understandable.

Posted by: metalscott at August 8, 2008 12:51 AM

We have been asked for feedback from RSVP many a time....an acknowlegement wave or a message that says hello to a blogger would be nice.....as I don't post all the time, some new bloggers might wonder why this old duck is checking out their profile!!!! ;-)
Cheers,
B.

Posted by: bm1960 at August 7, 2008 11:12 PM

aquisce at August 7, 2008 10:20 PM
I think I said hello too..
Cheers MArcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at August 7, 2008 10:46 PM

For what it's worth my average kiss rate would be 1-2 per week but always from men. I make the effort to reply to everyone and probably meet someone at least once per month for the last 3 years. Does feel like a round-about at times but considering the odds there is no point hiding!

Posted by: aqueousdb66 at August 7, 2008 10:37 PM

Willow, thanks (i was joking) but in retrospect i probably did receive a better welcome than most!

Posted by: aqueousdb66 at August 7, 2008 10:20 PM

aquamanda56: Yes, I guess I'm just speculating/thinking aloud. I might look into the academic research to see if there are any answers there.

willow29: 1 a day sounds good!

malsie: Thanks! I've enjoyed reading the blogs so far.

Posted by: drone at August 7, 2008 9:21 PM

hmmm...from my experience, Drone, your assumptions/conclusions hold no weight........ however, I am not in your age range, perhaps the situation reverses then?

Posted by: aquamanda56 at August 7, 2008 8:58 PM

I was going to reply that really, I havent had many kisses (and I reply to all of them) but when you actually count them, its not so bad. On average one a day. However, some of them are from friends (bloggers) and 8 were from the same person. Some are from women who I dont recognise as bloggers.

If you see someone looking at you that you like, look at their profile and often they think "oh they like the look of me too" and send a kiss. (Thats my assumption anyway, hehe).

Posted by: willow29 at August 7, 2008 8:56 PM

drone, I have no idea on the statistics - but of the guys I've been in contact with, it seems across the board they get a lot less attention than women seem to (less kisses, less positive responses to their overtures). Again I don't know if there are more men on rsvp looking, or if it's to do with their modus operandi, or "scattergun approach" as you say.
I think your profile sounds great, you look great, and your posts are very interesting and intelligent, and contributing here will most definitely ensure your profile gets viewed from all sorts of people from all over Australia - or so that has been for everyone else contributing here, so I believe! Whether that actually leads to anything else, of course, who can say - but it's good exposure :)

Posted by: malsie at August 7, 2008 8:55 PM

drone at August 7, 2008 8:20 PM

See you are an optomist too:-)

Great to have a new blogger, don't let the assumpttions tackle you. It will happen but sometimes out there ideas will generate good discussion.

Welcome to other new bloggers as well.

Posted by: creativestuart at August 7, 2008 8:35 PM

That's pretty much what I thought, Stuart but he was surprised when he asked me to dinner and I said "I don't think so..."

Speaking of shy and retiring types, did anyone see the Pussycat Dolls on TV tonight? All I could think was 'how do they not break their necks in those shoes?"

Posted by: willow29 at August 7, 2008 8:22 PM

creativestuart at August 7, 2008 8:01 PM

See, I can think of only a couple of reasons that would explain why response rates by women are generally low.

(1) There are simply way more men than women on this site

(2) The ratio of males to females on here is not high, but men tend to be not very discriminating in terms of who they contact. The average guy on here is sending out heaps of contacts, and some may even be using a scattergun approach. Hence, response-rates from women diminish, and men conclude that they need to send out even more contacts, and the whole thing escalates.

Of course, it may be a combination of (1) and (2). But if (2) is the main reason, then the only real solution is for men to stop contacting so many women. If all us blokes did that, then response rates would go up, and women could actually put some more time into their interactions, rather than sometimes seeming very distracted, because they are keeping too many balls in the air. This will never happen, however... :)

Posted by: drone at August 7, 2008 8:20 PM

willow29 at August 7, 2008 7:08 PM
That was awful! Stalking at it's worst. And coupled with lies and every trick possible.

Posted by: creativestuart at August 7, 2008 8:09 PM

waternymph47 at August 7, 2008 5:42 PM
Gee it has been too long, 10 years.

That behaviour used to be concidered cheap.

It used to be that if the guy didn't pay then he wasn't worth seeing again!

So many rules, assumprtions.

As I said to a lovely person today, a lot less thinking ane a lot more relaxed doing is needed here!!

Posted by: creativestuart at August 7, 2008 8:07 PM

creativestuart wrote:
'If you look at all the 28-40yo girls profiles and indeed a lot of the blogs there is almost a never ending stream of complaints about men looking for "one thing", players or indeed this "spark" thing.'

I reckon that's interesting. There are a lot of female profiles that emphasise that players/seductionists or whatever, ought not contact them.

I think that, were I a player, and my main interest was in seducing women, then the very first people I would be contacting would be these women, since they have already pretty much indicated that they have been played by men at least once, and more probably, multiple times.

As such, by saying that they don't want to hear from players, they are actually advertising a weakness/susceptibility.

Posted by: drone at August 7, 2008 8:01 PM

musicteacher at August 7, 2008 6:50 PM
Absolutely. I would be horrified blowing my own trumpet!

Posted by: drone at August 7, 2008 6:24 PM my results
Response rate is very low, maybe 10% with 9 of those ten actually being rejections.
That included kisses and emails, response to emails without kisses is higher but only maybe 50% are responded to.

Dates are few.

But then I have spoken to some very lovely ladies and they are invariably inundated and so must make some sort of decision. Most of those will be the ones at least replying to all aproaches, even if it is a polite rejection.

And yes you have the correct impression, 10 years ago the replies were almost 100% and a lot more dates. Indeed RSVP was more a contact tool and a lot less quick decisions were made, people certainly took more time and emailed almost all contacts.. But then I was 31 and thin at that stage! LOL

Posted by: creativestuart at August 7, 2008 8:01 PM

Aqueous, did we miss you? Sorry and belated but wholehearted welcome!! (and ditto to anyone else we missed).

Posted by: willow29 at August 7, 2008 7:44 PM

waterbombe at August 7, 2008 3:50 PM

I wasn't specifically meaning me, and certainly not talking in any material way, more all the "nice guys" bought up by 60's parents to be well mannered, and "propper"

If you look at all the 28-40yo girls profiles and indeed a lot of the blogs there is almost a never ending stream of complaints about men looking for "one thing", players or indeed this "spark" thing.

I was taught to be these things the girls profess to want, I do the things that keep getting asked for in profiles. I like romance, cuddling, expressing feelings, being what is now considered an old fasioned gentleman. I even believe in shared menial tasksand a partnesdhip moreso than defined antique gender roles.

But I don't get many dates, the only suggestions I get are all based upon superficial lines. Get better pictures, loose weight, be cocky and funny, fein disinterest this causes you to be elusive and thus attractive, don't really be attentive, just attentive enough to have the girl begging for more.

Well one person's cocky and funny is another's rude! I see the above as dishonest!

And like I said below I am not comfortable tricking a girl into being attracted.

I am far more comfortable being cheeky, flirty, silly with someone once I know the boundaries, being fun and exciting once I know what is acceptable and what is not.

That is what I meant by these girls, the ones complaining not seeing a good thing...
They say "nice guy wanted", yet are only excited by the bad boys

As was said in the recent Bond movie by Bond's first lady distraction, "why am I attracted to the bad boys, I had so many chances to be happy, so many nice guys, why can't the nice guy's be like you?"

Bond's answer, "Because then they would be bad."

So yes as I said and I did say I was being somewhat outrageous, Perhaps the 30 something single girl wants excitement so much she can't recognise a great opportunity when she sees it

The opportunity to find a nice guy and long term happiness.......

Posted by: creativestuart at August 7, 2008 7:44 PM

Posted by: metalscott at August 7, 2008 4:51 PM

Arrive early, order for yourself and pay before she arrives? Believe me, it happens -I run a Coffee House! I've seen it. Actually, it seems to work.

Posted by: waterlily58 at August 7, 2008 7:20 PM

Tierachaun, how awful for you! Its acceptable if he ordered a beverage, I'd do that, but not a meal!!

I had a first date fairly recently. It was with someone who kept texting me and I couldnt work out who it was. I felt awful not knowing but "obviously" I had given him my number...hadnt I? I said to him 'sorry, Im just not into distance relationships anymore" and he said "I live in Mildura". Wow, now Im mystified. I fessed up and said I couldnt remember him and he pretended to be hurt and said "well lets have coffee and see if you remember". I was pretty contrite so agreed.

I walk into the cafe at exactly the correct time and see a nice looking bloke, slightly younger than me gazing around with his mobile to his ear and I thought "oh this might be ok....." Then I remembered that my mystery texter said Id recognise him because of his recent injury. Well next moment, I did - and boy, did I want to run away!!! Seems he saw me on the TV, so chased up my work details and got my mobile # that way... I KNEW that I wouldnt forget anyone who I'd spoken to, but just didnt trust my instincts.

Scott, say beforehand, "I'm sure you'll feel more comfortable if we go dutch". Then she'll realise you'll understand her need for independance and that she's not beholden to you.

Posted by: willow29 at August 7, 2008 7:08 PM

Creativestuart........good on you for thinking you are are great opportunity,you don't need anyone else telling you you are,and I doubt you say that to the women you meet.

Hello Drone........I loved your profile blurb....original.

Never been on a date with someone I met online.but came very close a few weeks ago before I reconcilled with my previous partner....to be honest,the idea makes me uncomfortable.Much prefer to meet face to face....when you least expect it.

Posted by: musicteacher at August 7, 2008 6:50 PM

metalscott:.suggest a picnic..........it's Romantic and you can decide who brings the sausages,wine,dessert.

Posted by: musicteacher at August 7, 2008 6:40 PM

Maybe this is a bit off-topic, but I would *love* to know some of the stats for male/female ratio, numbers of kisses, emails sent, and response rates by sex.

Why do I ask? Well, I set up a profile here some years back, and met about 5 people over the course of about 4 years. But I never really contacted that many people during that time, and certainly, for the last couple of years I've been mostly inactive. I reckon I'd average receiving one of those kiss things maybe once every 6-8 weeks.

Anyway, I've decided to give it a bit of a go again, and it seems to me that I need to contact a lot more people than in the past. Of the kisses I send out, I reckon I would receive replies to about 35-40% of them, and the overall percentage of "I'm interested" responses would hover at around 10%. If I then send an email to the interested party, I reckon I receive responses to about 50% of those, and maybe end up meeting about 40% of those who I have more than 1 email contact with. So you can see where I'm going with all this.

Currently, there is no real way for me to determine whether this is merely par for the course if you are a guy. If it is par for the course, then I'd have to seriously weigh up whether it was worth continuing, as this whole process sucks up a lot of time that could be used on (maybe) more worthwhile pursuits. If it is sub-par for course, then I'd have to consider whether I should change up my profile.

So it'd be great if there were statistics on these things somewhere - I know academics are now doing a lot of quantitative work studying internet dating. What got me thinking about this was that I tried to send a kiss to a woman today, and was told that she had already received the maximum allowed number! And it's not as if she is stunning to look at, or anything. Just a normal-looking, but interesting-sounding woman.

So it sounds like there is too much noise in the system, which would explain low-response rates from women... And here I am wondering whether I should exacerbate this noise by sending out more contacts because of the low response rates! :)

Posted by: drone at August 7, 2008 6:24 PM

Scott I would suggest you discuss with your date to be... the venue that suits you both and wether she is agreeable to each paying for themselves. I think that way it takes the stress out as well as any 'expectations'! Puts you both on an equal footing from the start!
Stuart this is what I would call a "nondate" .. rather a first meeting and the fact that it's two individuals getting to meet first time .. just a coffee or lunch where each pays their own way is usually seen as less pressure on both of you! Can continue this on next meeting as well if it happens .. and only go to the Real Date status when you are sure you want to keep seeing one another!

Posted by: waternymph47 at August 7, 2008 5:42 PM

Okay, my earlier postings may have had alternative motive but no-one welcomed me!

The first date is about attraction and the possibility almost instant (but not definite) from my perspective. As emails and phone calls have already developed a mental picture, the first date confirms this and the visual. Now that may sound superficial but generally people are attracted to certain types (strong and silent or sensitive and considerate). Waterbombe, agree with your odds. Of course, the persuing conversation will either add to your picture or not. Simple! Don�t over-analyze. Be yourself! The harder part is whether to take the possibility further and that is where common ground and traditional values kick in for me. Have I been knocked back? Absolutely. Sometimes reading between the lines tells me why, sometimes no idea�next! The desire not to have sex immediately (from my point-of-view) would be highest on the list. Honestly, you may have an ensuing lifetime of mind-blowing sex! Creative Stuart, sounds like you are choosing the wrong girls to date. Posted by: aquamanda56 at August 7, 2008 12:39 PM � Have to agree. WnW has said similar.

Now payment � always dutch! Equality right � as they work for living and I the same. Only exception would be coffee. Not going feel obligated over $3 but should they buy me a dozen long-stem roses now that would be different! That reminds me, what happened with Jen�s date?

I've had the emails containing basics + phone number and when I've tried coaxing conversation�I have failed miserably so I just give up. Posted by: maestrac at August 7, 2008 2:20 PM � Obviously for Willow�s logistical nightmare the more information the better but when you are just considering coffee, why not. Everyone is different!

Posted by: aqueousdb66 at August 7, 2008 5:09 PM

Hi, and thanks for the welcome.

waterbombe at 3:05 PM:

No, I don't intend to come across as cynical. In fact, I am actually less cynical now than I was in my 20s... Since this is a discussion board, I was hoping just to throw a few ideas around. Naturally, I don't expect that everyone will agree with them.

Posted by: drone at August 7, 2008 5:01 PM

When ever ive taken someone out on a date, i have been all for equality, but when it comes to paying the bill i get stuck with it. So i think im done with first dates, hahaha

Posted by: metalscott at August 7, 2008 4:51 PM

maestrac at August 7, 2008 2:13 PM
No offence taken, I appreciate the different points of view.

"the "date" as a real date which can scare some women off."

See.. What on earth does that mean! That is way to complex for me. Even with my perceved intellect. I would pay for my friends regardless of gennder if I invited them for a coffee, let alone someone I invited on a date! Maybe my brother was spot on! Mind you a couple of the girls here, have reacted as I would expect, flattered their suitor would pay.

Also I am not really concerned if a potential partner lives anywhere on the planet, Victoria just seemed a little more practical, and I thought my description of who I was looking for was not limiting at all! Hell I am very shy in the inital stages, yet those are the same words I would use to discribe myself,

Certainly the only real no no is smoking and a vegetarian and I might clash a bit

Suggestions welcomed.

Posted by: creativestuart at August 7, 2008 4:17 PM

Perhaps the 30 something single girl wants excitement so much she can't recognise a great opportunity when she sees it ...Posted by: creativestuart at August 7, 2008 9:42 AM

Stu, do you regard yourself as a "great opportunity?' That would put me off, were I in your age bracket. I would wonder why this guy thinks he can offer me so much more than I can provide for myself. These days, women can provide the great lifestyle for themselves if they want it. Gosh, even women my age (15 years older than you) can do that. I'm not quite sure what it is, but the thought of a guy presenting himself as a great opportunity is enough to send me looking wider afield...among other things, it makes you sound like a 75-year-old 41-year-old to me. Is that worth a thought?

Posted by: waterbombe at August 7, 2008 3:50 PM

What an interesting topic! Drone, I have to say you are making a lot of sense to me. How to explain a first date I had recently... We hadn't spoken on the phone, just emailed a lot, and when we met I was shocked that this verbose indivdual who had sent me all these epic emails was completely silent... I began to babble and ask a lot of questions to fill the silence (answered with monosyllabic replies). It was most uncomfortable. Then the waiter came to take my order, and put a plate of food down in front of him - HE HAD ORDERED BEFORE I GOT THERE. Next, during a particularly long silence, he advised me that it was his birthday. I was feeling quite uncomfortable at this point so sat, waiting for him to finish his food (didn't want to be rude - don't know why!) and trying to make conversation, when he silenced me abruptly with "excuse me, can you please stop asking so many questions?" Needless to say I didn't hang around. No... there's nothing to be nervous about with first dates!

Posted by: tierachaun at August 7, 2008 3:38 PM

When a first date includes taking two days off work - (for a long weekend because even flying means 6 hours travel), airfares, new clothes (because if you go all that way you want to make a great impression), organising house sitters, chopping wood and collecting enough fodder for the housesitters to be as chore free as possible, it becomes a logistical masterpiece. Then, yes, first date nerves are not only inevitable, but an entitlement :)

Posted by: willow29 at August 7, 2008 3:09 PM

waternymph, I don't think drone is cynical. You may be genuine but how can drone or anyone else tell in advance if you are genuine, surely they have to meet you to find that out. And unlike you, a lot of people aren't entirely genuine. I've even been to bloggers meetings where I didn't recognise people from their photos at all, some because they looked a lot older, one or two because they looked a lot better. (There's a lot about "good looking" that a photo doesn't convey with some people, which I never realised before.)

Also, guys, wouldn't it be normal to experience a lot of rejection on a site like this. I mean, if you picked 100 people randomly off the street, how many would realistically settle down with you for a lifetime? RSVP only increases the odds slightly...you do get to see a photo (but that's not reliable in my experience) and you can read a bit about the other person, provided they haven't lied/exaggerated/left out the boring bits. Which we all do a bit of.
So if many people find us unappealing, that's only to be expected....it's the odds of the game, not anything awful about us or them. What are you expectng...that five out of every ten people you meet will want to live with you for the rest of your life if they only got to know you? That's not likely.

Posted by: waterbombe at August 7, 2008 3:05 PM

Waternymph @ 10.50am

Since then any guy who offers his phone number immediately and insists it is the only way he will communicate with me before I get thru my comfort zone of 'getting to know you' emails ... is probably not even going to make it to first phone call much less first date. If I cant meet a steady, genuine patient person.. willing to take the time to get to know me.. it won't happen!

I totally agree with you, I've had the emails containing basics + phone number and when I've tried coaxing conversation through emails I have failed miserably so I just give up.

Posted by: maestrac at August 7, 2008 2:20 PM

drone @ 11:09 PM

Hi Drone, I wasn't interested in any feedback I was just curious, it's a female thing, we've got to analyse everything.

You're right Kurli, a rabbit caught in a spotlight! is exactly how it feels, these men have no idea of decency. Luckily he's the only one I've encountered so far.

Creativestuart 1:39 AM

Gee Stuart you still seem to be in that same old mental rut, I agree with a few others, maybe you are targeting the wrong females.

I took another look at your profile, the new photo is good, but what you are looking for is: a woman who is passionate, active, sassy, creative and positive and who lives in Victoria. A lot of women looking at your profile may be put off by this as they might be the shy retiring type but just what you're looking for. Have you looked at the Farmer wants a date blog, there are a few women who have posted on there who might be suitable, you need to widen your search area, try pen friends first. There are lots of women who are willing to relocate.

"it would seem my biggest problem is my total inability to be superficial!" ..... what do you mean by this statement Stuart?

Stuart as for paying on the first meeting, that's fine if it's just for coffee, or are you taking women out for a meal. Sounds like you're treating the "date" as a real date which can scare some women off.

Sorry Stuart, I don't mean to be getting on your case, just a different point of view.

Posted by: maestrac at August 7, 2008 2:13 PM

Love it - my friend asked of someone, "Did you tell him he was a cad and a bounder??". No wonder I keep my close friends forever. Love 'em.

Drone, I don't think Ive said welcome to you and Pomlovin - so welcome :) And Pomlovin, I think your profile is funny too. Good luck to you both... or should that be 'good luck to each of you" :)

Posted by: willow29 at August 7, 2008 1:56 PM

I always offer to pay my share, and if the date is late, I'll buy mine and sit and wait with it. I think its awful to sitting in a cafe with no company and no drink either. If he hasnt come by the time I finish it, I'll leave.

Posted by: willow29 at August 7, 2008 1:41 PM

Stuart, nice to see you back, mate, and I like your new main pic.
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at August 7, 2008 12:41 PM

regarding first dates, I always offer to pay my share. The men I have had coffee with usually insist they pay which is nice and I appreciate it I don't see it as being in debt either.

Creative Stuart, sounds like you are choosing the wrong girls to date. I am sure there are many out there who more closely match what you are looking for.

Posted by: aquamanda56 at August 7, 2008 12:39 PM

Posted by: pomlovingdownunder at August 7, 2008 12:53 AM

Pomlov, How could you possibly decide about someone in 4 seconds? Instant physical attraction yes. But you could not get any idea of their personality in 4 seconds?
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at August 7, 2008 12:04 PM

Drone, so young and so cynical .. so sad!
My profile my pictures.. what you see is the real me!
I could ask one dear friend who Blogs here to verify that, as we talk on Messenger with Web Cam occasionally but I believe I have the right to be accepted for who I am and as I portray myself!
Stuart I notice my daughter's body clock switched from "I'm a good time girl" to "I'm ready to be a Mum and settle down now" once she turned 30 but then as I became a Mum at 30 it may well just be history repeating itself.It could also be the fact that having watched me struggle raising 2 kids alone she was determined not to get pregnant till she was ready to, and in a settled, permanent relationship.
She is tall, blond, slim beautiful(Model girl for 10yrs) and her partner who happened to be her best friend's brother, is tall, strong, been a Surf Lifesaver, does weights still and a hard working go ahead guy .. so perfect match?
Luckily for them they never had to look any where other than socially to find a partner. My daughters one visit to RSVP netted her so many in one day she shut it down. Sadly the one guy she met out of that died from Cancer within a year of them meeting.

Kurli I know what you mean about the guys seeking instant sex. I recently agreed to phone a guy after a few emails .. in which he started declaring his love for me and got upset because I closed my profile for a while so he could not then get his daily fix of my photo(Eeeek)
He did nothing but talk about his ex "the b***h!" and how she took a lover despite him being a sexual athlete himself.
Since then any guy who offers his phone number imediately and insists it is the only way he will communicate with me before I get thru my comfort zone of 'getting to know you' emails ... is probably not even going to make it to first phone call much less first date. If I cant meet a steady, genuine patient person.. willing to take the time to get to know me.. it won't happen!

Posted by: waternymph47 at August 7, 2008 10:50 AM

"There is even one girl here who admits she only gives a guy 4 seconds!
As both Willow and I have said here that is one hell of a big hook to hang a lifetime on!
Posted by: creativestuart at August 7, 2008 9:20 AM"

I hear that!

Posted by: woodnwine at August 7, 2008 9:54 AM

woodnwine at August 7, 2008 9:12 AM
You are spot on!

We certainly didn't overthink this process so much when we were teenagers!

And as someone re-entering it after a ten year gap I would also suggest that 10 years ago this was a lot easier than now.

Now there is so much overthinking and instant decision making that there is a lot less happiness being found.

Posted by: creativestuart at August 7, 2008 9:52 AM

woodnwine at August 7, 2008 9:15 AM

I am actually looking for the type you describe... But where is she found?

I think they are the ones who are in committed marriages and have been for 15 years or more.

Here is something a little outlandish.... Perhaps the 30 something single girl wants excitement so much she can't recognise a great opportunity when she sees it, or can't actually decide or commit to a lifetime with someone.

Posted by: creativestuart at August 7, 2008 9:42 AM

Based on a couple few comments here it would seem that at least one stereotype is exactally that.

The girls are rejecting based upon superficial lines as much if not more than the guys! There is even one girl here who admits she only gives a guy 4 seconds!

As both Willow and I have said here that is one hell of a big hook to hang a lifetime on!

Posted by: creativestuart at August 7, 2008 9:20 AM

creativestuart - it really seems like you are looking at the wrong type of women for you. It sounds like you are attracted to the more flamboyant, adventurous, out-there type of women when what you really want to be with is the more homey, caring, compassionate type. Now, before everyone starts responding .... I'm not saying any of these qualities are mutually exclusive, just pointing out that some are more dominant and that stuart may need to direct his efforts in a slightly different direction. (Hell, is this the pot calling the kettle black? I hope not!!)

Posted by: woodnwine at August 7, 2008 9:15 AM

It's really interesting watching both sexes on these blogs accusing the other sex of basically the same things. Men and women are both guilty of the same things .... that's a fact. Why can't we all just find the common ground? Why is it all so hard? Life really is a mystery sometimes........

Posted by: woodnwine at August 7, 2008 9:12 AM

So many men in my age group have retired or semi retired or scaled down in their work habits. I have increased my work load and taken on additional interests as I like my job and also like mixing with all ages and levels. I have met a few very nice men but we are totally at odds as they want the couch with a beer thing, which is fine, but I don't want to sit on the couch with them all the time doing nothing. The acceptance is not there of my lifestyle and I am unable to fit in with theres, so that is the dilemma. I also don't want to have to explain myself every five minutes as to why I have to do this and have to do that. I do the things I do because that is who I am and they do the things they do because that is who they are, however, it just doesn't gel.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 7, 2008 9:06 AM

Stuart: "So the Girls go round in the same circles over and over of finding the exciting ones who don't ever behave". Sad but true. Scientific studies (real ones, not like the chocolate ones *grin*), show that many species, not just mammals, partner with the "good" partners (the ones who help build the nest, the protectors, the ones who help feed the offspring) but secretly mate the strong and beautiful ones, so their offspring gets the strong and beautiful genes but is raised by a good father.

Accordingly, the partner that is strong, beautiful and a good partner are the true winners. Or maybe just the strong and beautiful are because they dont have to do the work and get to spread their genes.

Posted by: willow29 at August 7, 2008 8:52 AM

It doesnt matter what school we go to or how good the teachers are: we all have the same capacity to be foolish in the matters of the heart.

Posted by: willow29 at August 7, 2008 8:30 AM

creativestuart - my opinion is that at the first "meeting" you go Dutch. If you both decide that you want to follow up with a "date" .... then the guy should pay for the first date. Then if you both enjoy that, the woman can recipricate by paying for the next one. In fact if you are getting on really well at the end of the first "date" (not the first meeting) and she offers to pay half ..... just say to her "no thanks, you can shout next time". That lets her know you've really enjoyed her company and want to pay plus that you definitely want to see her again.

metalscott - can I ask why you're wearing that T-shirt and what exactly it means to you?

Posted by: woodnwine at August 7, 2008 8:18 AM

qualitygal1 at August 6, 2008 7:26 PM
That is exactally what I want to know! surely the rest of a lifetime is worth a few dates over a month or so to see who the person is. And as has been said here before, dates without sex as there is a consensus from most (both sexes) that the real deal and waiting for sex go hand in hand.
waternymph47 at August 6, 2008 8:08 PM
I realise I am not the "norm" here but I am far less interested in the girls being the perfect "barbie" and far more interested in how much fun and how well I relate to her, so long as I see a sparkle in her eyes and bounce in her demeanor. However some dating is how this will be found...

What is interesting is I have been discussing some of this with a few others in the last little while and it would seem my biggest problem is my total inability to be superficial! My inability to treat dating as a game, to trick or fein disinterest in the hope that I will be more attractive. Hell one person I know said I can't chat! And what is more I agree with them.

After years of being told give clear concise propper answers I now can't muck about. And it is not that I am not fun, Infact the more I am with someone the more fun I can be, however my upbringing which has me responsible, well mannered and propper is perhaps making me seem to staid or "nice" at the start!

Especially when shy on that first date. For example, I always insist on paying for the first date at least. I now find out that this is often now received as me wanting to project some sort of obligation! Indeed tonight my brother suggested that a way to approach a first date may be to say, "In the past I would have insisted on paying, indeed I pay for my friends when I take them out, however I now never do this on first dates any longer, so as to not project any expectations. Infact the girls should now pay as then this obligation is for me to owe you rather than you thinking you owe me"

I find this quite sad! What on earth is this coming to! For me it is good manners to pay with no obligation attached. Indeed with my past the last thing I want is any girl to get involved with me out of obligation! I am only interested if they want me for me, nothing else.

It seems the treat them mean to keep them keen adage, which I never really liked is actually more true than ever!

Girls want the bad boy to start with who morphs to me once a relationship is established.

Problem is I am uncomfortablle "tricking" a girl to catch her and the "bad boys" don't become me...

So the Girls go round in the same circles over and over of finding the exciting ones who don't ever behave and I remain single, unwilling to be false and indeed even more uncomfortable at the beginning than just nerves, to be exciting.

Thoughts on all this philosophy would be welcomed......

Posted by: creativestuart at August 7, 2008 1:39 AM

I like to think my profile is pretty accurate and above all I think its funny. Well it makes me laugh anyway. I'm never nervous before a date, I find it quite exciting. In fact I could write a comedy sketch about some dates, not that I have had a lot. I usually decide in the first four seconds if I am gonna see them again. I try to stay as lighthearted as possible and be prepared for knockbacks and treat the other person with respect if all else fails just laugh and smile a lot. I have a few freinds who have had great success on here and hopefully my time will come. In the meantime, my aim is to go on more dates and just enjoy myself and if I met someone special, you'll be the first to hear about it.

Posted by: pomlovingdownunder at August 7, 2008 12:53 AM

queenqwinnith@ 9.48 pm:
Are you sure you don't answer to TW in another re incarnation?

Posted by: kurli at August 7, 2008 12:38 AM

maestrac@10.44pm: several times I have been down this path: men proclaiming what genuine,upright citizens they are----until they phone you!
Then you get bombarded with all sorts of sexual innuendoes.........I feel like a rabbit caught in a spotlight!
I'm NOT a 1300 sex call number...........I'm a genuine,decent person.............I don't want (or ASK) for this attention...........apart from blowing a whistle down the phone,
WHAT is a woman to do??
AVOID RSVP totally??
(I wonder if the censors will let this piece of truth through the filters??)

Posted by: kurli at August 7, 2008 12:33 AM

I had a first date with a guy once where from the moment he saw me he didn't stop talking about himself, once. Even before we sat down he commenced telling me about how he broke his arm years ago, as he placed his arm on the table. Hours later as the date ended, with me nearly asleep, he knew absolutely zilch about me. I could have just been a cardboard cutout sitting there and he would have been happy. I just couldn't get a word in and gave up trying. In an email later he admitted he suffered from "verbal diarrhoea" on the date and apologised. I did feel sorry for him as I realised he was just really nervous. It was his first date in a long time.

You never really know what someone else is thinking, what is going through their head and why (hey, sometimes even if you have lived with them for 11 years they are still a mystery !). I read somewhere that on a date, even something as simple as.... say, you looking a bit like the third grade teacher they didn't like or something similar is enough to turn some people off. So I guess the trick is to not take it too personally.

For the moment though I'm a bit sick of the constant round of interviews, the search.....am just happy "being".

Posted by: graceandcharm at August 6, 2008 11:40 PM

Maestrac,

Just curious, but if the guy was such a complete knob-end (which it sounds like from your description), why on earth did you contact him again and ask why he didn't want to see you? He is a knob with no sense of decent behaviour, so who cares what he thinks, and why think that any feedback he gives you would be useful?

Posted by: drone at August 6, 2008 11:09 PM

Posted by: waternymph47 @ 11:15 AM
Through many years of talking to guys on Messenger, in chat rooms etc I know it is very easy to stir this spark ... if I chose to do so. Since however I set out with a more long term relationship in mind .. I'm not going to try and stir him up at first date. Why would I?

This reminds me of an RSVP 1st "date" I had quite a while ago. We'd emailed for over a week then came the pone call the day before the meeting and we talked for a while before he started with the sexual innuendos. Yes even at my age I was taken aback because I didn't know this man, I just ignored his comments thinking I'll allow him this one, and carried on with the arrangements to meet. On the date it didn't take him long to bring his sexual conquests into the conversation which again went ignored, and at every opportunity sex came into the conversation. The more he steered the conversation towards sex the more I just changed the subject. I'm no prude but I think that kind of talk should be kept between friends or someone I've know longer than a couple of hours. At the end of the date he said goodbye, I hope you find what you're looking for.

The next day I emailed him asking why he didn't want to see me again (as you do in a job interview) (I was just curious, I didn't want to continue seeing him, he was a creep). He emailed back saying I wasn't very giving!!! so I gave him a little tidbit of sexual fantasy to see how he would react. His reply was "oh well if you need someone to talk to about this please give me a call, maybe we could meet again and talk it over", I told him to get lost.

I do believe there can be instant (or almost) attraction and if it's not there I don't make a 2nd date. Initially when I was deciding to send, accept or decline a 'kiss' I would think to myself, could I see myself in a romantic embrace with this man. If the answer is no then sorry guys.

Posted by: maestrac at August 6, 2008 10:44 PM

queengwinnith wrote:
The "pattern" you talk about is ingrained in a lot of people, that is why I do not read or take any notice of profiles.
It is usually just a heap of lies that people cannot live up to and is put there to attract .
Most I have met do not have the foggiest idea what the other person is like and most do not want to give it the time to find out.
There is something in this... I look at the profiles that people put up... If I were to take them at face-value, then for the most part, knowin myself as I do, I would think that I was unworthy of any of them; the profiles on here are so often obsessed with putting forward only the brightest picture possible...
Basically, I think most RSVPers have been duped by marketing-speak. The end result in most cases is generally not credible to anyone with a touch of intelligence. Maybe you will believe it all until you go on a couple of dates... but after that, you realise that these are just people after all (not that there is anything wrong with that).
Really, it is a breath of fresh air when you read a profile by someone who doesn't sound like they are an angel dropped down from Heaven.

Posted by: drone at August 6, 2008 10:22 PM

im just happy spending time with interesting people, doesnt have to be any spark. but no one will give me the time of day

Posted by: metalscott at August 6, 2008 9:54 PM

waternymph

Why would you think for one minute that women are any different to the men???
Take it from me,the majority of women look nothing like their photos so it is not a lame excuse.
They do LIe about their
AGE
BODY SHAPE
THEIR INTENTIONS.
On the whole it is women who are looking for the instance spark, chemistry, sexual attraction, or any other name you want to put it under.
I always go in with an open mind,expecting nothing and walk away over half the time wanting nothing.
If you get more than one date you are lucky.
If you get two its better than 1
If you get 3 you are heading in the right direction.
The "pattern" you talk about is ingrained in a lot of people, that is why I do not read or take any notice of profiles.
It is usually just a heap of lies that people cannot live up to and is put there to attract .
Most I have met do not have the foggiest idea what the other person is like and most do not want to give it the time to find out.

Posted by: queengwinnith at August 6, 2008 9:48 PM

waternymph47 wrote:
Stuart & WnW .. I can only speak from my own experience or that of the men I meet.. or male friends.
Honestly only BIG complaint I have heard from most of these guys is "she is not as slim/young/beautiful" as they hoped .. or "picture was not accurate". I also hear guys grumble about not finding someone no matter how many women they date .. when questioned as to how may times they dated each one .. answer as all too often ... "Only once .. because there was no spark/tingle/chemistry.!" Logically they know this wont get them what they really need but they don't seem to be able to change the pattern!
I think there is something to this notion of "chemistry", but sometimes it is used as an excuse to soften the blow (i.e., there were other relevant things that the person may have felt were cruel to mention, whereas "chemistry" is a kind of "nice" way to couch your rejection of the other. It doesn't surprise me that guys use "lack of chemistry" as an explanation for things. But that has nothing to do with guys per se. If you look at profiles written by women, *many* of them talk about the need for chemistry/spark, etc. And heaps of guys, myself included, have heard the "no chemistry" thing, as well. I don't think this whole chemistry thing is particular to one sex or the other.
I reckon most of what goes on on this site can be put down to the photos. Most of the descriptions in the profiles I see that would fall within my range of interest are pretty interchangeable. People say they are intelligent, funny, or whatever, but very few people can actually be bothered DEMONSTRATING these traits.
It puts me in mind of a song from My Fair Lady. Freddy is a kind of foppish guy who is always protesting his love for Eliza in flowery verse...
So she sings:
"Don't talk of stars burning above; If you're in love, Show me!
Tell me no dreams Filled with desire. If you're on fire, Show me! Here we are together in the middle of the night!
Don't talk of spring! Just hold me tight!
etc. etc...."
It's kind of like that on here. When *everyone* says that they are witty, kind, funny, and so on, then what are we left with but the photos?

Posted by: drone at August 6, 2008 9:27 PM

I am very direct and one of the first things i ask any intereste person is: What do they want from me?
Is it relationship? friends? sex? And here i generally get a straight answer and move on if its not the answer you are looking for.
I suppose u need to not try and make people fit ur imagine. Just say no if they don't because someone will.. Why comprimise for quality...

Posted by: blondeattimes at August 6, 2008 9:25 PM

musicteacher - no its just a feeling i get when i meet someone special. sorry to disappoint. gordon

Posted by: gordon1951 at August 6, 2008 8:58 PM

Gordon........are those tingles "code " for something else?

Posted by: musicteacher at August 6, 2008 8:14 PM

Stuart & WnW .. I can only speak from my own experience or that of the men I meet.. or male friends.
Honestly only BIG complaint I have heard from most of these guys is "she is not as slim/young/beautiful" as they hoped .. or "picture was not accurate". I also hear guys grumble about not finding someone no matter how many women they date .. when questioned as to how may times they dated each one .. answer as all too often ... "Only once .. because there was no spark/tingle/chemistry.!" Logically they know this wont get them what they really need but they don't seem to be able to change the pattern!

Posted by: waternymph47 at August 6, 2008 8:08 PM

"I will know within a few seconds if they are right for me because my fingers and toes will tingle.Posted by: gordon1951 at August 6, 2008 7:35 AM"

You may need to see a doctor about that mate. Could be the early stages of lepresy.
Posted by: woodnwine at August 6, 2008 10:38 AM

Very funny Woodnwine, lol.

Posted by: waterbombe at August 6, 2008 8:00 PM

Marcus wrote:
Yes. Be realistic guys. Choice is a wonderful thing. I always assume that an attractive woman is entitled to more than one admirer.
Cheers Marcus
****************
I think that's precisely right. This internet dating thing really isn't for the faint-hearted, and can really mess with your mind if you are not prepared for lots and lots of knockbacks.

The thing is, you can be quite normal, quite affable, quite a good conversationalist, and still not get across the line, because you don't properly understand all the non-verbal cues, and so on, that are important when you go on these dates. There can be quite subtle things that you do (which are not wrong) but which put others off you, for reasons they don't even understand themselves, which then come under the rubric of "chemistry".
And you can send out as many of those kisses, etc., as you like, but if your photo is not right/you are overweight/seem unnatractive and so on, then you will be eliminated from consideration by a lot of people. It's not pleasant, but there is no point hiding from the truth.
It's a cruel world, but that's just the way it is. And, by the way, I'm not speaking as someone whose profile and kisses generate a lot of interest. Far from it. Those who have some guts can face up to the facts that they may be rejected on this site A LOT without automatically blaming others for this.

Having read these blogs, I think that while most people are genuine in their search for someone significant, there is a lot of very irrational self-preservation going on.

Posted by: drone at August 6, 2008 7:51 PM

creative stuart @5.08pm
I have found that a lot of guys seem to only be interested if there is an instant spark. What's wrong with a pleasant, comfortable meeting that MIGHT be worth investigating without the pressure of the first meet.

Posted by: qualitygal1 at August 6, 2008 7:26 PM

Willow/creativestuart: It sure does exist. This little story, and the comments, made me smile a whooooole lot and restored my faith in spontaneity.

Posted by: kw75 at August 6, 2008 7:19 PM

Creativestuart: It DOES exist but it IS an awfully big hook to hang a lifetime on.

Posted by: willow29 at August 6, 2008 6:22 PM

Marcus @4.28 - One will do :)

Posted by: willow29 at August 6, 2008 6:21 PM

waternymph47 at August 6, 2008 11:15 AM

I have to tell you it is definately a two way street, there is an awful lot of girls ONLY looking for an instant spark, which qite frankly I don't believe exists and which is an awful big hook to hang a lifetime on!

Posted by: creativestuart at August 6, 2008 5:08 PM

blondeatimes@ 9.18pm Tuesday.:
When you get an answer I'd also be interested to know WHY people can't respond with a simple "thanks but no thanks" if not interested in a kiss.(It used to be called " common courtesy")
Then there's the fellows that do as you say,but when you show interest they evaporate into cyber space.
Do you reckon it's mind games or ............?

BTW----I have always responded to kisses received,politely :-)

Posted by: kurli at August 6, 2008 5:05 PM

drone at August 6, 2008 2:29 PM
Yes. Be realistic guys. Choice is a wonderful thing. I always assume that an attractive woman is entitled to more than one admirer.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at August 6, 2008 4:28 PM

Thanks woodnwine for putting me straight. i thought (re-tingles) some good would eventuate. I take my self to the doc tommorrow. OLd fart Gordon.

Posted by: gordon1951 at August 6, 2008 3:30 PM

queenqwinnith wrote:
One day before the second date you get that"down in the mouth" phone call with a

"I am so sorry for wasting your time ,I have changed my mind"

????????
Meanwhile with shattered ego, bewidered mind,slight anger and speechless, you hang up, heart pounding ,hands quivering.

After a hour it all subsides and you laugh at behaviour of the other person who you thought was great, who you were going to spend the rest of your life with,who seemed just perfect.
Then you realise the possibility of three things has occured.

1. She/He had been seeing another guy/girl

2. She/he was scared out of their brain at the thought of a relationship.

3. She/He drinks too much and says and does things that they later regret.

Still though, after this happens a few times,it dawns that all is not well on the dating scene and that the internet dating has thrown up more characters and unhinged personalities than you would normally meet in a life time without a computer.
********************
I think there are a lot more possibilities than those. With dating, and especially this internet dating stuff, you just have to accept that much of the time you really have insufficient data to draw any substantial conclusions about why the person acted how s/he did. Mostly, you just really don't know the person or their circumstances well enough to come to any firm conclusions.

That can be unsettling, particularly if you feel that you need to be "in the right", and find something wrong with the other person because they knocked you back in the end.

Out of those options you mention, in the case of internet dating, I bet Option 1 is the most likely in a lot of cases. That is the way it goes, and one of the ways in which internet dating seems to differ from normal dating. The other person *will* be seeing other people, so we need to be able to deal with that. The fact that, on most dates, there are actually more than 2 people in the room, so to speak, can be one of the tricky things to deal with mentally. Somehow, we need to be able to forget about this fact, and then cope with it later if we are knocked back in favour of some other person.

Posted by: drone at August 6, 2008 2:29 PM

"Still though, after this happens a few times,it dawns that all is not well on the dating scene and that the internet dating has thrown up more characters and unhinged personalities than you would normally meet in a life time without a computer.

Posted by: queengwinnith at August 6, 2008 1:20 PM"

This might just about sum it all up.

Posted by: woodnwine at August 6, 2008 1:56 PM

First date nerves ???????

How scared out of brain after one date behaviour??/

It is mystify to watch how dates behave.

You meet for a date

You have phoned,text and emailed for a week.
You have a wonderful time,
You get a kiss or two
You get asked to hold her /his hand
She/he wants to ring you and talk for two days prior to the mext romantic date you have prepared.

One day before the second date you get that"down in the mouth" phone call with a

"I am so sorry for wasting your time ,I have changed my mind"

????????
Meanwhile with shattered ego, bewidered mind,slight anger and speechless, you hang up, heart pounding ,hands quivering.

After a hour it all subsides and you laugh at behaviour of the other person who you thought was great, who you were going to spend the rest of your life with,who seemed just perfect.
Then you realise the possibility of three things has occured.

1. She/He had been seeing another guy/girl

2. She/he was scared out of their brain at the thought of a relationship.

3. She/He drinks too much and says and does things that they later regret.

Still though, after this happens a few times,it dawns that all is not well on the dating scene and that the internet dating has thrown up more characters and unhinged personalities than you would normally meet in a life time without a computer.

Posted by: queengwinnith at August 6, 2008 1:20 PM

I've gone on to stay friends with several women I've met through RSVP, with no thoughts of sex. Gee, I must be strange.

Posted by: woodnwine at August 6, 2008 10:40 AM

Not strange, just an exception to the rule (but none the worse for that!).

Posted by: missrule at August 6, 2008 1:00 PM

"You guys looking for instant spark are missing out on some incredibly interesting women who could not only be a good friend to you .. but so much more!

Posted by: waternymph47 at August 6, 2008 11:15 AM"

And visa versa too waternymph!

Posted by: woodnwine at August 6, 2008 11:57 AM

It's becoming very apparent here that the ladies are happy with a pleasant first encounter with a view to maybe another outing or 2 before they decide if there is a Spark while the guys are already to give up if The Spark is not there right away.

Through many years of talking to guys on Messenger, in chat rooms etc I know it is very easy to stir this spark ... if I chose to do so. Since however I set out with a more long term relationship in mind .. I'm not going to try and stir him up at first date. Why would I ?. To my mind, first date thrills that lead to hasty sexual encounters . also end hastily and that is not where I want to go. If he does not have the patience or the interest to come back and see me again after we have spent a mutually enjoyable afternoon together well .. his loss!
You guys looking for instant spark are missing out on some incredibly interesting women who could not only be a good friend to you .. but so much more!

Posted by: waternymph47 at August 6, 2008 11:15 AM

Posted by: waterbombe at August 5, 2008 9:26 PM

Waterbomber - I've gone on to stay friends with several women I've met through RSVP, with no thoughts of sex. Gee, I must be strange.

Posted by: woodnwine at August 6, 2008 10:40 AM

"I will know within a few seconds if they are right for me because my fingers and toes will tingle.
Posted by: gordon1951 at August 6, 2008 7:35 AM"

Yopu may need to see a doctor about that mate. Could be the early stages of lepresy.

Posted by: woodnwine at August 6, 2008 10:38 AM

"Woodnwine ....I think if you have been communicating for a while before you meet, it may lead to the belief that this is just a 1st date and part of gradually getting to know one another ... so naturally to be told at the end of that 1st date , that they dont want to see you again, sets you back on your heels a bit.
Posted by: waternymph47 at August 5, 2008 6:39 PM"

This raises an interesting point. I've spoken with and emailed some women quite a bit before meeting them and then they turned out to be completely different to what I had imagined .... almost like they were putting on a charade (which I presume they weren't doing intentionally). I therefore decided that it was always best to meet after just a couple of phone calls to try to avoid this.

Posted by: woodnwine at August 6, 2008 10:36 AM

Nope no nerves for me. I guess it has something to do with how you feel about yourself. If you are a confident person, then its not too hard.

I always approach the meeting as a nice way to spend a few minutes or hours, with someone new. It may or may not turn into something more. If it does then thats a bonus.

Having been on more than 30 first dates in the last year, I find it easier, and as someone said, the sooner after first contact is better, although I am currently emailing someone and have done for the past 3 months, without seeing her photo or speaking to her on the phone. And its ok . We chat about heaps of things and havent felt the need to venture further.

Maybe that wierd?????????

I also find that its an instinctive thing as to whether a meeting will go further. Even over the age of fifty, there is still the tingling thing

Posted by: twoeyes at August 6, 2008 9:38 AM

I will know within a few seconds if they are right for me because my fingers and toes will tingle. Good morning all Gordon :-)

Posted by: gordon1951 at August 6, 2008 7:35 AM

I think the difference here as opposed to meeting someone socially is that socially you meet without expectations, even though you automatically evaluate the person as a prospective partner. Also you know there and then if you want to take the thing a bit further, it also lets the opposite to apply, to both parties

Meeting here it, as so many have said is more like a job interview, the evaluation is there from the start as is the comparison of what has gone on before, in text or phone conversations, any deviation seems to be picked up and judged upon.

I think the difference between the natural and the artificial, so I like to meet as if I know nothing about the person, as much as you can from the profile examination, but I do like to see the photo for identification purposes when meeting. My photo is up to date and honest, a lot are not.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at August 5, 2008 10:18 PM

Woodnwine, my point too.

It is 20 minutes to an hour out of your life, you either click or you don't. It's generally no reflection on either of you, just the pheremones didn't "dig" each other :-)

Posted by: qualitygal1 at August 5, 2008 10:06 PM

The "spark" thing is about men being more interested in sex than women, generally speaking, and "spark" means sexual interest, I think. It's not that women are not interested, but to men it is a bigger deal, from everything I've heard and read. It's a fairly rare man who is happy just with friendship, whereas women are more likely to be happy just with that, so we wouldn't ditch a guy because of lack of spark...we might think he'd be good to go to the movies with, or watch a show with. I have done that a few times with RSVP dates, I've thought, well, no spark but a nice friend, but it has ended in trouble because the guys generally couldn't keep it to friendship. They wanted more and I didn't so we had to part ways.

Posted by: waterbombe at August 5, 2008 9:26 PM

Can anyone tell me what the sense in sending someone 3 kisses (so no more can be sent) and then not answering the replies each time?

Maybe a chat request or email?

I am finding this wierd... Maybe thats why I have not been on this type of scene before....

Posted by: blondeattimes at August 5, 2008 9:18 PM

I have been told on two occasions now that I am too wound up with my job. I make it a point not to talk about it as I find that rather borish and I do other things, like sailing at the moment etc. However, I work full time and once a month I work a Saturday thru Saturday night or a Sunday afternoon. On these weekend occasions a partner could join in easily I think. I have put on my profile that I work full time and I also enjoy it. I don't want to sit at home all day doing nothing and also have much to much energy to do that also. The work on the occasional weekend is part of a programme that I have been involved in for many years and I am not about to give it up. I like going out and I like doing things but I am not about to give up everything that I enjoy for another person. I have a very active social life but settling down with one person is proving a very difficult thing to do as I want to rev my life up a notch not turn into a couch potato sitting around doing nothing.

Posted by: iaminperth at August 5, 2008 8:21 PM

Woodnwine ....I think if you have been communicating for a while before you meet, it may lead to the belief that this is just a 1st date and part of gradually getting to know one another ... so naturally to be told at the end of that 1st date , that they dont want to see you again, sets you back on your heels a bit. Especially if you both seemed to be getting on really well.. If you have just become friends .. why would you expect that "spark" to be there imediately ??

Posted by: waternymph47 at August 5, 2008 6:39 PM

Exactly, WnW - it was a pleasant enough exchange of time, but there's not enough interest or momentum to make either (or one of you) want to do it again... I have no problem with that at all; it seems perfectly reasonable to me!

Posted by: malsie at August 5, 2008 5:56 PM

"Maybe that's why at the time you do get caught up sometimes in assuming you will meet again, but then later on realise there's no point. Far better if you both think the same about that rather than one interested and one not.. . Posted by: malsie at August 5, 2008 10:51 AM"

malsie - I think sometimes you leave having had a nice chat and thinking you'll see that person again and then when you think about it later you realise you didn't really like them and certainly there was no spark .... it's just that you had a nice chat with another person and enjoyed it.

Posted by: woodnwine at August 5, 2008 3:54 PM

Thank you the lovely musicteacher, but I don't think tassie and myself would make a good couple. No offence tassie. :-) he he Love Gordon

Posted by: gordon1951 at August 5, 2008 1:19 PM

I spoke to a friend of mine today. He is from the US - 32 years old, in a good, secure job, ex football player - great looks, great physique and a really nice personality. He was getting the runaround from a girl he met on a dating site and was agonising "should I ring her?".

His confidence had been knocked back by two incidents - He approached a girl in a nightclub and she said "what makes you think you have the right to approach girls as pretty as us?" (no kidding, can you believe the rudeness?) and the second one was receiving an email from a woman saying "eww gross".

Is it any wonder these fantastic looking men are lacking in confidence when there are women as rude and unfeeling as that? To most of us, this behaviour is unfathomable but it is a good point to remember when we ourselves are thinking "why isnt he contacting me?". Maybe, just maybe, he needs you to make the next move.

Posted by: willow29 at August 5, 2008 11:08 AM

maestrac, I was thinking about your question re winding dates up and where do you go from there and how my experience has been. Most people I've met I have gone on to see again and it's been obvious throughout the date that that would be the case, so there was no awkwardness about a second meeting. With ones where there wasn't any particular click they just seem to have found their own level somehow; we'd talk about catching up again (but never did - meant it at the time but there just wasn't enough momentum for it to happen). I suppose I've never really worried about that side of things, and just let it take care of itself. There have been a few occasions when talking to someone on the phone, though, I've had to say I didn't feel I wanted to continue getting to know the person and I've done that in as a direct yet kind manner as possible. Hopefully if the situation arose in person where I knew for sure I wasn't interested I'd manage to stay honest without being blunt, and if I was on the receiving end I'd accept it graciously.

Actually, what somebody else said earlier I think was very true too: that you need to go away and process things before you know how you really felt about the person. Maybe that's why at the time you do get caught up sometimes in assuming you will meet again, but then later on realise there's no point. Far better if you both think the same about that rather than one interested and one not.. . I think I'm rambling now... and I'll stop there!

Posted by: malsie at August 5, 2008 10:51 AM

Tassie and Gordon:

I am sure you would be delightful dates! It really is a strange situation to be in.......

Posted by: musicteacher at August 5, 2008 9:39 AM

Do I have Nerve -racking on firstdate?...No Way ! unless I am dating the Prince of Wales. or Prince of Monaco or Prince Abdullah of Saudi Arabia.

I wonder why, some people suffered nervous tension during first date? Why? does it expecting too much, are they good as they portrait themselves to believed all good things? Surely if, these fantastic attitude ideas we should believed in first date,.. then, for heavenly sake we're all successful in searching for partners, But how come we're suffering anxiety on finding the One...after all we're still here and trying hard presently having a multiple first date, that never had comes to ultimate terms of, our search comes to an end finally !

Just be yourself, have a confident, and dont expect anythings there's your dream person. ..Take a quality assurance test first - as you dont know him/her yet and don't try to impressed your first date with some kind of release sales person, it won't work that way and more on losing your self-esteem. ...Avoid being Paranoid, it's not your wedding day anyway...hehe...Ahh

Posted by: exoticorigin at August 5, 2008 9:28 AM

All first dates are nerve wracking as even when you feel you have enjoyed great communication via email and phone .. no accounting for the date's reaction on the day. Iv'e come to dread the "You are a lovely lady but....!" pronouncement at the end of the meeting and have probably encountered it more via RSVP dates than any where else . It's like .. "I'm observing decorum but ...Next!" I still put a lot of it down to the Smorgasboard thing. You know it's for the best that you've been put off politely but it still feels awful at the time!

Over the years I have had about 4 turn into 3-6 month relationships. 2 of these were back on RSVP again before they decided 2 end it & 2, I ended because of bad behaviour on their part ... tho interestingly enough both rekindled a friendship a couple years after and one even wanted to start over again(I didnt) and both had the good grace to apologise for the way they treated me at the time!
Sometimes we look better from a distance! I still don't believe in Chemistry .. I believe rather in Rapport.. chatting on so fluently via email then phone and continuing face to face ... that is what I seek. Chemistry/sex is just the icing on the cake isn't it ?

Posted by: waternymph47 at August 5, 2008 9:22 AM

WoodnWine - I get nervous still. It does get easier of course, like Malsie said. But I also think that those nervous feelings can be a good sign. It's not something to be blaise about. After all, this could be "the one."

I agree with Virgil too, the more attracted I am to the person, the more nervous I get, and probably come off as a blithering idiot. lol. I did write about a first meet in a previous blog, and the specialness of it. It did change some of my thoughts on that "instant chemistry" thing. Boy, did it change my thoughts. lol.

Anyway, onward we go. There will be plenty of first dates I guess. After all that's why we are all here. Is it not?

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at August 5, 2008 8:50 AM

What's to be nervous about? It's just meeting another person and having a chat. The only hard part is when you part company trying to determine if you want to see them again and if they want to see you again.

Posted by: woodnwine at August 5, 2008 8:12 AM

First dates are a bit nerve racking. I have actually had a couple but not recently. I usually go along with no expectations and go with the flow and by the end it's either...no I don't think I'll see this person again or..ok that went ok let's meet again and see if we have more in common. I have had 2 dates that I thought went quite well and the conversation flowed and I thought there was potential for friendship at least, but a couple of days later both sent messages to say they didn't want to meet again. A friend of mine (male) said that for him if at the first meeting if he didn't think there was relationship potential he couldn't be bothered further...not interested in friendship. So I guess if nothing come of the first date just don't worry about it move along.

Posted by: aquamanda56 at August 5, 2008 7:55 AM

Tassiedude1 - I couldn't have summed it up better. That is exactly the way I feel. Its more about them than you. Old fart Gordon

Posted by: gordon1951 at August 5, 2008 7:44 AM

I recently had my first date in 16 years

no big deal - just went in with absolutely zero expectations of anything

being indifferent to the outcome is a easy way I believe to ensure you do not get a case of nerves

Posted by: yaahmulegiddyup at August 5, 2008 7:28 AM

Well without sounding too cocky first dates scare the crap out of me. But it's not nerves on my part it's more the feeling of what if I let this person down? What if she likes me more than I like her? What if I hurt her feelings? Whereas in reality she probably doesn't even give a toss.

Posted by: tassiedude1 at August 5, 2008 12:53 AM

My biggest worry is what to say at the end of the first "date". I know it's hard to say that you can't get to know a person in a couple of hours, but I usually can tell if I want to see him again, and so far I've only had more than one date with one man (how sad is that). Is that a testament to my good/bad taste in men or what!!!

I suppose it's easier to say thanks for your company, talk soon (then run like hell). But seriously, I've found that there's always a lot of awkwardness when winding down the date and wondering what he will say, if anything, will I have the courage to say no thanks or suggest another date.

Any suggestions????? Please......

Posted by: maestrac at August 5, 2008 12:34 AM

Hi everyone am new to this blog scene. I have learnt to go on first dates with no expectations and tend to have a nice time. I always respect my date giving him my full attention and tend to make my mind up pretty quickly. The dating scene can be brutal but we should applaud each and every one of us that keeps trying.

Posted by: kittypardon at August 4, 2008 11:49 PM

My first blind date was after I had been single for a while and I was thinking: what am I doing? This is insane!!!

But I still turned up and he just talked about himself all night. Bored me senseless...lol

So now I think go for it!!! Give it a go. What have you got to lose?

Posted by: blondeattimes at August 4, 2008 11:24 PM

auntyk

oh yes - me here - you know, the one you've been having all those lovely coversatins with.... lol - it is so fascinating

Posted by: qualitygal1 at August 4, 2008 9:52 PM

Ha, waternymph, and qualitygal, you sort of feel like waving at them and saying "Hi, over here!!"..................K

Posted by: auntykaz at August 4, 2008 8:18 PM

We might not be nervous, where maybe a bit of nervousness might stop us doing something silly or talking too much.

I am most at ease with people I am not attracted to, so can be normal, without nerves.

When I am attracted to someone, I tend to be nervous, talk too much, and maybe say too much, and be boring.

I tend to do that and put my oot in it when I feel attraction for the woman opposite me.

Maybe Creative Stuart had a point with the several coffee meetings approach. By the way, where is Stuart?

Did he find his much younger woman and fly off into the sunset, happy ever after?

Posted by: virgil at August 4, 2008 8:02 PM

Posted by: qualitygal1 at August 4, 2008 6:28 PM
I know exactly what you mean about not looking at you. After several emails and a couple of very relaxed phone calls I had one guy who I met for morning coffee like that and thought he'd want to get it over and done with fast. But no!
He asked me to stay on for lunch too and never once looked me in the eye the whole time. I tried moving about a bit to catch his eye but No! LOL I only stayed on for lunch thinking he maybe needed time to thaw. Surprisingly he was disappointed when I emailed after and said thank you for the lovely lunch but I dont think we are a match!

Posted by: waternymph47 at August 4, 2008 7:46 PM

As someone else mentions below, it is a bit like a blind date. I find I get quite nervous for about 2 hours before the date, but I can manage that by doing a few relaxation exercises.

I'm not usually worried at all about keeping up an interesting conversation, and I've never really been on a date where there have been uncomfortable, protracted silences. The things that worry me have more to do with so-called peripheral issues like interpreting non-verbal cues, logistical issues about how to handle the end of the date, etc. etc. Often, I get distracted by the conversation and don't manage to process these other things properly. So, often, I don't feel like I have a clear idea of whether I am interested in the person in question until hours, and maybe up to a day, after the date.

Posted by: drone at August 4, 2008 7:18 PM

qualitygal, yes, that would have been tough... That's exactly the sort of thing I find phone calls sort out, but sometimes people can be better in one medium than another, I suppose. My first internet dating experience was tough going too - all work on my side, monosylabic responses from him (which was no huge surprise as he was similar on the phone, but I'd just hoped - in vain - things may be different in person). After an hour or so I just asked very matter of factly if he was bored and would rather go home, and that it was fine if he wanted to, as he didn't owe me anything at all. He seemed stunned I'd got that impression and seemed to think everything was fine...

"Companionable" silence is all very well, but you have to be companions in the first place to be able to sustain it!

Posted by: malsie at August 4, 2008 7:15 PM

My first hope is that there is enough of a mutual interest to be able to sustain a converation for 20 minutes.... and don't laugh because I met one guy who looked everywhere but at me for the time we drank our coffees, while I struggled to make a one sided conversation.....Talk about hard work ----- I think though that if I could handle that one I can handle any coffee dates, so it made me better for the experience :-)

Posted by: qualitygal1 at August 4, 2008 6:28 PM

First Date Nerves??? Nope...I really don't get them.
I do however get slightly apprehensive about meeting RSVP'ers for the first time, as it's more like a 'blind date' isn't it. My apprehension is mainly (omg, I hope they actually look like their profile pic) This is mainly because on my first date ...well what can I say....he did NOT look like his photo. In the photo he had a full head of hair and a neat Go-tee taken approx 10 years prior.
So this guy has scarred me for life...lol. I am always worried now...

Posted by: starryeyez at August 4, 2008 5:59 PM

When I first began internet dating I was so nervous about the whole thing I very nearly gave up. But it has definitely got easier with practice, and now I make sure to meet people as soon as I can so no huge expectations get built up. And then I approach it pretty casually really - just two people getting to know each other, which may become something romantic, or friendship, or just a once-off pleasant (hopefully) encounter.

Talking to someone on the phone first always gives me a very good indication as to how well I think we'll get on; whether conversation will flow easily, etc. If I really think I'm going to be hugely attracted to the guy and then start to doubt myself, then I can become nervous, but I'm pretty good at keeping those feelings under control now - thank goodness!

Posted by: malsie at August 4, 2008 5:50 PM