RSVP Blog
First Date Nerves...
Once you've agreed to go out on that exciting (nerve-racking) first date with someone you met online, millions of thoughts begin to tick. Are you likely to over-think a situation, allowing yourself to become over-excited or worse, doubtful? Have you ever backed out of a first date because of a little or large bout of nerves? Or do you become so anxious and keen to meet that person, that you become a little impatient?
When it comes to setting up the time, place, etc. are you the one to decide? Do you prefer to have all the plans made by the other person, to take the pressure off yourself? Typically the objective of a first date is to see if there will be a second and a third, and hopefully a budding romance - so it's no wonder people throw themselves into a silly spell. How do you handle the first meeting with someone you met online? What are the things you consider?
Posted by August 4, 2008 4:37 PM
Latest Comments
not everything has to be taken seriously..... or held as sacred........
But one can choose to do that with Style and Class... Or Not!
Posted by: creativestuart at August 12, 2008 2:21 PM
Willow
haha. Funny how one tiny letter of the alphabet (e) can totally change the context of a comment.
It's nice to see so many people sharing...
Posted by: egernia at August 12, 2008 1:33 PM
Just for interest willow29 - I call mine 'asleep'. Nice freudian slip before. Smiles Gordon.
Posted by: gordon1951 at August 12, 2008 1:22 PM
oops I've "heard" suggested - not "hard" suggested. Freudian slip?
Posted by: willow29 at August 12, 2008 1:07 PM
LOL, Spanky, I had to have another peak at your profile to get a mental picture. You couldnt call it Senior, as that would suggest its older than the rest of you! Although I've hard suggested "old man"... hehe
Posted by: willow29 at August 12, 2008 1:06 PM
Posted by: creativestuart at August 12, 2008 12:57 PM
Sounds like stuart is of a higher class, it has a doubled barreled name Mr apathetic - slightly dejected....... CreativeStuart....... why the long face..... not everything has to be taken seriously..... or held as sacred........ why not laugh at life once in a while? ...... as always just another thought FTAMOS .... cheers
Posted by: spanky668 at August 12, 2008 1:06 PM
LOL thanks McLuvin - and welcome to the blogs!
Posted by: willow29 at August 12, 2008 12:57 PM
You people need a life!
Posted by: creativestuart at August 12, 2008 12:57 PM
Posted by: willow29 at August 12, 2008 12:22 PM .... the mind (and budgie smugglers) all boggle....... as for "Junior"....?? are you trying to give the little guy a complex (the therapy alone would cost a motza) ....... as for the ceremony..... jointly held, address with courtesy (after all it is the one that is doing the thinking for the man (unless the man is married)... ..LOL) and worry if it speaks back....... Gee these blogs are instructional .....
Posted by: spanky668 at August 12, 2008 12:45 PM
Spankiy, wouldnt it be called "Junior"? If it was JHC the third, what happened to the other two?
LOL the mind (not just the budgie smugglers) boggles. It it was christened, does it have a separate ceremony? Does one address it? Does it speak back?
Posted by: willow29 at August 12, 2008 12:22 PM
Sorry willow29 - but it is true, only because most men have a problem dealing with the words 'penis' and 'vagina'.
Posted by: gordon1951 at August 12, 2008 12:16 PM
Hi Willow29, I have a nickname for mine!!! If you would like to know then feel free to ask. Cheers McLuvin81
Posted by: mcluvin81 at August 12, 2008 12:16 PM
Posted by: willow29 at August 12, 2008 11:16 AM
Mr Happy ....... but if they have a nick name for it ...... does that mean it actually has a proper name???? was it christened??? say Jonathon Henri Charles (the third) ?? ...... just a thought.....
Posted by: spanky668 at August 12, 2008 12:12 PM
"Most men have a nick name for their penis ....". Do they really?
Posted by: willow29 at August 12, 2008 11:16 AM
Posted by: heart2heart57 at August 11, 2008 11:50 PM
H2H, I had not heard of the word misandrist till I came on the blogs. WB has loosely defined it and it is roughly parallel and opposite of misogynist. Man hating-woman hating.
Misandrist has I think, a special function on the blogs, and is used as insult of last resort
especially against Waterbombe in which it is particularly ineffective. An interlectual insult against a highly intelligent person will never work.And the blogs have a high number of intelligent women.
Some of the clever and perceptive barbs launched by Marcus from time to time may have caused a slight dent to the Waterbombe ( and would probably be devastating to others)
Conversely the female insult against male penises being their thinking organ never works because all men know that their penis is a separate entity which does its own thing anyway. Most men have a nick name for their penis which is an admission that it has its own personality.
From my experience, achieved at some endangerment of my person, telling a woman that she has all her brains below her belt does cause some immediate, and usually violent, reaction. It works better on good looking woman who have limited education or feel they are not that bright.
Bomber would be impervious to this insult although in her youth it might have caused a reaction. The problem for the "cave dwellers" is that Waterbombe is not silly. She does not show her profile from which one might find a chink in the armour.
The difficulty is exacerbated because those who choose to attack her do so on her own high ground eg equal rights issues. And with inferior weapons ie poor interlectual argument. The amazing thing is that they repeat the error time after time.
There are one or two misanthropists here who are both misandrist and misogenist but one usually picks them up by their posts.
rgds grego
Posted by: grego7 at August 12, 2008 10:49 AM
Posted by: creativestuart at August 11, 2008 9:55 PM:
Yet the Girls keep responding, "too far sorry"...
I understand what you are saying... A lot of people have on their ideal partner thingy "within 10k" of wherever they are living - especially if they are in the inner suburbs of a city. Also, there can be a bit of a perceived cultural divide; *some* people who live in the inner city may suppose that you are a bit of a hick if you are not also living in the inner city. I don't live anywhere near as far out as you do (just a bog-standard suburb of Melbourne) but I know people who regard where I live as a backwater.
There are plenty of people on this site, so distance becomes an easier way of eliminating candidates than perhaps it would be in "real life" if you had met through "normal" channels.
Posted by: drone at August 12, 2008 10:32 AM
Or "Old Fuddyduddy" but that could apply to either sex!
Marcus would say "Old Femmo"!
Posted by: amberlight58 at August 12, 2008 10:31 AM
Surely it would be "fartress"? :)
Posted by: willow29 at August 12, 2008 10:21 AM
LIfebegins,
Glad you had a great time, I really hope everything keeps getting better for you.
Cheers,
Posted by: amberlight58 at August 12, 2008 10:16 AM
Thanks kurli - It is just a name bestowed on me by my young niece. I think it's supposed to be a term of endearment. No I don't consider myself old. Have a lovely day. Gordon.
Posted by: gordon1951 at August 12, 2008 9:39 AM
No Gordon.......I.dont think you're an old F**t...(isn't that a self bestowed label?? tut tut man......don't dig your grave yet! :-)
One can be an old f**t in their 20s,and be either male or female........can someone refresh me as to terminology for female "OF"
please?
Posted by: kurli at August 12, 2008 9:33 AM
Sorry kurli - Just had to have a peek myself. They are beautiful photos.
iaminperth aug 11 10.32 - Very interesting post but I hope you aren't putting us all in the same box. Love Old F**t Gordon.
Posted by: gordon1951 at August 12, 2008 8:22 AM
Thanks guys and gals for checking me out!If I don't watch out you'll have me in the Top100..what a giggle that would be!
Creative Stu.....good to see you back again.NO haven't gone solo in glider yet....but hopefully "soon"...I'd go soaring every day if I could afford it!
H2H.........by no stretch of the imagination am I a man-hater(as there is so much debate over the true translation of 'misandrist' I'll use simple terminology understood by all
Willow:O Ge N Ki de su ka?
Yes Marcus as far as men go,I'm solo :-)
Now everyone,let's allow the TW/kurli saga to be put to rest.
Have a good day every one.....I know I shall.
Posted by: kurli at August 12, 2008 8:09 AM
Yes, Perth, I've heard a fair bit of that too.. 'I think what I have to offer is just astonishing, look, I'm a male!' or another favourite ... 'well you old girls must be getting desperate by now, you should be grateful for anyone', and the worst one "I'm sorry that the world is unfair, but it is (i.e. "I'm not going to behave in any way that changes that") and the fact that I'm male and you're female means I'm more valuable". The thing is, there are plenty of really lovely older guys for older women to choose from...we know that, that's why we are so picky. There is no need to fear aging if you are a single female...ok some guys think only with their penises, and want to have a relationship with wallpaper, but a lot of men develop their brains and hearts too as they age...probably the majority, in my experience, and they value older women for things such as decency, humour, good values and intelligence, as well.
Just before the guys arc up, I know there's princessy stuff handed to them by some women, and some of it makes blokes choke. I'm not saying this is one sided...I'm just saying it from my point of view, as an assertive older woman who is tired of the chest-beaters.
Posted by: waterbombe at August 12, 2008 7:55 AM
Its laugheable, the ego astounds me !
Posted by: iaminperth at August 12, 2008 7:37 AM
Well well TW, you've been introspective again ... thanks for the analysis of myself. (I notice your analysis of yourself was rather more complimentary though). However, I observed the tone of Marcus's post too, and wondered if he should pop off to an anger management course and jot down a few notes. You're exactly right though, TW, about freedom of speech...we are all entitled to it, (and Marcus claims the right frequently). Thanks for observing that I'm never too snarky...moderation in all things, TW, is a Good Girl's Guide To Life, and of course I follow that....ha ha. But Marcus, you do sometimes descend to the rather nasty ...should you do a bit of navel-gazing? Do you realise that your really awful comments say a lot more about you than about me, who you have never met and "know" only from a few words on a blog?
Um... is there a female form of the word 'misogynist'. Just wondering...Posted by: heart2heart57 at August 11, 2008 11:50 PM . Fer gods sake H2H, be quiet or you'll wake the Boy's Club who are slumbering in their caves. The word you are looking for is misandrist, but it means more than "criticising a male".
Stu, I think I get it...you say you are living in 'a remote area' because many girls decline to meet you because you live too far away. You think that THEY think that you live in a remote area...is that it? ok. Well, don't place too much weight on the reasons for refusals. Women are generally tactful. I know I will invent reasons that are less hurtful (or shallow) rather than come out and say what I think. "You live too far way" is a good one, "I'm not ready to settle down yet" is another, "I don't think we have enough in common" is another good one etc...when really we just don't fancy the look or sound of the guy. So when women say you live too far away, they may well be saying "thanks but no thanks" in a tactful way. Do you see what I mean...location isnt actually a problem for you, despite what you may be hearing. So cheer up about it, and get cracking...there's nothing to hold you back.
Posted by: waterbombe at August 12, 2008 7:07 AM
Lifebegins: That's wonderful. Glad it turned out well, good luck :)
Posted by: willow29 at August 12, 2008 6:50 AM
Marcus at 11.31am 11th: Mate, I expected more from you. Certainly nice to have your virtual support ("my attacker's attacker is effectively my supporter") but in the process you've abandoned your beloved scientific beliefs, which I share.
Each of us has a fundamental nature. Living in accordance with it, ie. authentically, helps us to feel that things are as they should be, and that makes us happy.
But living differently from our nature requires continuous conscious overriding of our natural impulses, and that is uncomfortable, because we are living a lie. Pretending to be what we're not, and trying to prove it with un-authentic actions, inactions, silences and words. That increases our stress and works against our happiness.
I am naturally chatty and also uninhibited, and this lets me talk unembarrassedly about things which a more introverted/secretive person would carefully keep quiet about. Our long-term readers know what I'm like, and that's me being authentically myself.
Except that I get cranky occasionally, and that post doesn't get through. Twice in the last week or ten days.
Same with WB. It is her nature to criticise - to find fault with the words and actions of others where possible, and not to hold back from voicing those criticisms.
That's just her being her authentic self, whether you like it or not, and in a free society she has that privilege. A steady stream of niggle, but never too snarky.
And without either of us - or you Marcus, especially - there'd be less of the worthwhile and thought-provoking stuff on the blogs that makes them irresistable reading for many of us. Give the lady a break mate.
Posted by: timewarp1 at August 12, 2008 12:28 AM
creativestuart August 11, 2008 10:23 PM
"kurli Cool new pics, especially the glider, are you solo yet?"
Changed tack a bit on the future wife's specifications have you cobber?
Kurlis been solo for a while. Gave warped the flick a few weeks ago.
Cheers Marcus
Posted by: laughsandtalks at August 11, 2008 11:58 PM
Um... is there a female form of the word 'misogynist'. Just wondering...
Posted by: heart2heart57 at August 11, 2008 11:50 PM
creativestuart at August 11, 2008 9:55 PM : In our profiles we have to name a city/town, and are then encouraged to add more detail, eg mine says "Brisbane (near Mt Gravatt)" - which is a well-known suburb near to mine.
Could you say your town's name, Stu, and then add "(...minutes drive from Melbourne CBD)"
And while we're on profile details, can someone explain to Ms X (12.05pm today) that my photo actually IS dated ("Jan 06") - and last Xmas I added "(now a bit greyer)" I'm more into accuracy than competing.
Signed BoringOldPh**t
Posted by: timewarp1 at August 11, 2008 11:30 PM
Posted by: timewarp1 at August 11, 2008 5:45 PM
TW,In answer to your question what more do I have to elaborate that others have not already done. I thought I had made it clear in my two posts but once more. And I will keep it very simple.
If you make direct contact with a person on RSVP, if you telephone someone on RSVP, if you meet someone on RSVP then DONT identify them on the blogs by using their RSVP name.
Not rocket science, Bill, just courtesy to the other party.
rgds grego
Posted by: grego7 at August 11, 2008 11:18 PM
Perth, have to admire you girl! You always say exactly what you think!
Posted by: amberlight58 at August 11, 2008 11:08 PM
Thanks to you all.
I went on a first date last night with an entirely different frame of mind than normal after reading these blogs.
Very nice man, made me laugh, insisted on paying for dinner despite my offers, so I will be paying for the next one, and there will be a next one. You have reminded me that we can be our own worst enemies in the dating game, so I am looking forward to next weekend, having left the over judgmental thoughts and self placed hurdles in the closet. So again, thanks for helping a lurker!!!
And amberlight, I am in almost the same situation as you and agree completely with your thoughts.
Cheers.
Posted by: lifebegins47 at August 11, 2008 11:07 PM
I understand what you are talking about WB, this look at me attitude because I am male. I haven't really accomplished anything much in my life, but that's because I am saving the fish or whales or whatever and I am divorced because she was such a whatever and kids and I don't get on because she has turned them against me and I don;t care about material things, can't be bothered I am far too realistic and don't fall for the advertising.....but I think that you and I could really hit it off because I am a male. Well, bozo you might be a male but you are not a man in my opinion and certainly not anyone who is going to sponge off me. Whatever are some guys thinking !!!!
Posted by: iaminperth at August 11, 2008 10:32 PM
kurli
Cool new pics, especially the glider, are you solo yet?
Posted by: creativestuart at August 11, 2008 10:23 PM
waterbombe at August 11, 2008 8:08 PM
You are not understanding what I am saying, perhaps I was being too cryptic.
They are the reasons I am being given!
Soon with the Deer Park Bypass the city trip will be more like 45 minutes with no lights or tolls, a 100-110km/h limit. Very few in any of the traditional suburbs will be able to acoumplish anything like that!
Indeed Ms Gillard is goung to fix (Greg, Marcus, myself and others might think wreck) Anthony's Cutting!
Torquay Beach is an hour, less soon with another toll free Bypass, Daylesford and Ballarat less than 30 mins, Wambat State forrest 10 for great fishing and camping, I have 4 seasons (see snow shot in my profile, and the summer ones) space etc....
And on top of That I am in melbourne at least once a fortnight, would happily make that weekly if there was a reason (wink)
Yet the Girls keep responding, "too far sorry"...
Posted by: creativestuart at August 11, 2008 9:55 PM
Had to have a peek too, Kurli! Good stuff!
BTW, H2H your picture is pretty cool too!
Posted by: amberlight58 at August 11, 2008 9:52 PM
Konichiwa Kurli, I agree, the pictures are great!
Posted by: willow29 at August 11, 2008 9:52 PM
Thanks for that. I think I move in the same sort of world, Iaminperth, from what you have said, and sometimes it is hard to listen to some of the chest-beating look-at-moi I-want-to-scatter-my-seed posts when you realise how badly off some people are. You find people with very indulged lives who still complain they haven't got enough...oh well, enough said, time todo some more work.
Posted by: waterbombe at August 11, 2008 9:47 PM
istj54@5.58pm!
Aren't you one of the multiprofilers(as if I cared what others say).)
Thanks kiddo...the latest pics were time controlled exposures.........NOT my forte,but fun to play with...........grannie kurli ROFLM
Posted by: kurli at August 11, 2008 9:26 PM
Not for a nano second, no I certainly wasn't offended, I'm not that prissy. It was just that I have never thought of myself as a strong woman, but apparently I am. I asked the neighbours. They said some lovely things, can';t believe it. I just do what I have to do, or what I believe I have to do in this life. No, certainly did not take any offence, pls don';t ever think so. I enjoy your posts, sounds you are a down to earth realistic person also and in my world that is an extremely good thing.
Posted by: iaminperth at August 11, 2008 9:04 PM
Kurli, I had a look at your new photos, fantastique!! You'll have to change your name now to biggles or even Kurlibiggles.
Posted by: maestrac at August 11, 2008 8:53 PM
Actually I just checked Google maps to see where Ballan is and it's half way to Ballarat, which I drive to for morning tea, and about as far as Geelong, which is now considered part of Melbourne. To call it a remote area is a joke, Stu. I give up on you, honestly, you are your own worst enemy. But one last thought, look at your positives...you are close to the city, you have a good job and income, you are single and unencumbered by small children so you can move about freely....there is nothing holding you back but yourself.
Posted by: waterbombe at August 11, 2008 8:08 PM
I'm not questioning that it's perfect for you, Stu, I'm sure it is. But you said earlier today that "I am under no delusions that the reasons I am single are three fold, I live and work in a remote area, I am not involved in activities that have me meet potential "dates" , and I have some projects to complete." Posted by: creativestuart at August 11, 2008 11:09 AM . I assumed from that that you think you live in a remote area. I go to Daylesford quite a bit, because I'm a city person and it is full of great cafes, restaurants, art galleries, bookshops, spas...it's a cosmopolitan haven 1 hour's drive from Melbourne. I doubt any genuine country people would want to live in or near Daylesford...it would be too citified for them. There are hundreds of people in that part of Melbourne who could suit you...if you get started on that 390 you will find someone quicksmart, I imagine.
Posted by: waterbombe at August 11, 2008 7:39 PM
Stu, sincerely, you do seem to put obstacles in your own way. " and I have some projects to complete, which logically would have been better to be doing either before or with a partner, not whilst trying to find one."
Welcome to the club mate. Fixing up my house, organising the garden, all 2/3 rd acres of it, then putting the house on the market, does that qualify as a project?
A lot of people have projects on the go, renovations, redecorating, etc even finishing off someone elses work.
Also l am an hour from Melbourne in Mount Eliza, is that classed as remote??
Hardly so. And we don't even have a train line to here!
I wish that sometimes you would go back and read what you write, plenty of people have offered advice to you. What will be will be Stu, you can't make it happen!...........K
Posted by: auntykaz at August 11, 2008 7:22 PM
waterbombe at August 11, 2008 6:05 PM
My location is perfect and I say so in my profile. Everything is close and I have the perfect lifestyle.
I am not the one rejecting anything.......
I even am willing to travel as far as necessary to get to know the right girl..
I happily go to Melb for almost every date, and welcome new visitors here too.
I just need someone to accept these advances!
The closest I get is beautiful people like Amanda, Fifi and Starryeyez saying lovely things about me..... which at least gives me little warm fuzzy feelings inside and the motivation to keep looking.
Posted by: creativestuart at August 11, 2008 6:40 PM
Stu, if Ballan, near Daylesford, is an hour from Melbourne CBD, as you say in your profile, how can you say that is a "remote area"? Posted by: creativestuart at August 11, 2008 11:09 AM . "Remote areas" are reached only by small planes or 4 wheel drives. Daylesford is a really popular spot, within easy reach of Melbourne for day trips and weekends. I go there at the drop of a hat, and I know a blogger who lives in Geelong and goes to Daylesford to work sometimes. I think there would be a lot of women happy to go up there on the weekend, and perhaps you could come down to Melbourne one night a week, since you run your own business and could leave early.Perhaps you could put a more positive slant on your location?
Posted by: waterbombe at August 11, 2008 6:05 PM
Posted by: kurli at August 10, 2008 10:10 PM
Kurli...that post gave me the very biggest laugh out very, very loud that I have had in a long time. I thank you most sincerely:))
Posted by: istj54 at August 11, 2008 5:58 PM
Greg, I asked you a day or so ago to spell out in more (and therefore useful) detail, your suggested criteria for self-censoring in advance, the material which RSVP is comfortable about posting.
Not just for me - for us all. And perhaps with useful comment on the tone and content of my widely-criticised post at 10.18am today, and a certain other blogger's unchallenged posts at 10.10pm on the 10th and 12.05pm today.
I'm off in a minute to dine with a dear friend that I met on RSVP most of 2 years ago. Haven't seen her for a couple of weeks, and it seems like a month.
It's $10 steak night (cooked for you just how you like, and then you serve yourself the salad and/or hot veg) at my nearest Club, and even I can afford that occasionally, if we go Dutch.
Must go and shave, before she gets here to pick me up in her snazzy 2-year-old car. At this moment, she's still gridlocked on the northside, she texts, so I've probably got half an hour. Seeyezall later.
Posted by: timewarp1 at August 11, 2008 5:45 PM
Perth I'm sorry if I offended you. I couldn't see you passing out for want of an answer from Kurli, but "tough" was probably not a good word to use. "Strong" would have been a better one. I always like your posts, you are direct and funny and often sum up a situation with just a few well chosen words. So, yeah, strong not tough would be how I see you.
Posted by: waterbombe at August 11, 2008 5:41 PM
creativestuart at August 11, 2008 2:05 PM : You are so wholesome and ready to give that I hope someone soon permits you to email her. Could you put a bit of that stuff in your profile? Heartgrabbing to me, and I'm not even a girl!
Posted by: timewarp1 at August 11, 2008 5:11 PM
iaminperth at August 11, 2008 11:04 AM: I agree with you wholeheartedly. I see the purpose of the first meeting to be twofold: to enjoy meeting a new person with no thought of the future, and then to go from right brain to left brain for a moment and think: do I want to meet this person alone, a second time?
At the end of the second meeting is soon enought to think whether you both want a third meeting. And so on.
Otherwise, you are so right - too many decisions mase far too soon, based on far too little evidence.
Posted by: timewarp1 at August 11, 2008 4:59 PM
Regardless of whose comments are being directed at whom, i rest my case maestrac. Your comments have just summarised my views.
Posted by: aqueousdb66 at August 11, 2008 3:04 PM
amorou08.........
welcome.
love what you said however may fall on deaf ears!
Posted by: musicteacher at August 11, 2008 2:40 PM
creativestuart at August 11, 2008 11:09 AM . I know I am like a broken record on this subject but have you thought about changing your t age g
Posted by: blueyedblond at August 11, 2008 2:33 PM
blueyedblond at August 11, 2008 1:31 PM , yes the rejections aren't fun.
And yes there are scammers both ways but like I said below, RSVP do an excellent job with them.....
maestrac
Why do I want childern?
I had what I would certainly describe to be the perfect childhood, and my Dad is my best mate to this day. (mum Died at 59 in 2000)
The relationship I had/have with my parents, grandparents and family is amasing, the things I have learned from them, guidence given, good and silly experiences.
That is what was important to me and what I would have liked to have passed on to another generation.
But I will only do that if the circumstances are right, If I can give children these same styles of experience. Not to buy them every toy, but be really involved in their lives, spend real time with them, be a real parent.
It is always the children who really suffer most too when a relationship breaks.
I have been told here I am too honest but if you look inside a little you will see that a single person deciding to have a child doesn't have that child's interests in mind.
Plus that should read single Girl, because Single men don't have that option anyway!
We do have other options like fostering children, being a "big brother" or similar for those who have been neglected in some way and when I have some projects finished, that is what I intend doing if I don't find my original dream.... Maybe I can pass on to them some of the things I have been so richly given and blessed with....
Posted by: creativestuart at August 11, 2008 2:05 PM
now now good apples - play nicely with each other.
Use your soft voice and say big words like:
I am sorry I did not see if from your side of the ping pong net.
Or try:
If you don't like what I said that is ok just don't attack my values?
or:
We are not all blessed with everything so share with me your good fortune of children.
Or:
It takes a community to raise a child, not just the mum and dad?
Or I don't know and I will listen to anything you have to say as long as it won't hurt?
Peace out xx
Posted by: amourmoi08 at August 11, 2008 1:49 PM
Posted by: aqueousdb66 at August 11, 2008 12:05 PM
Posted by: maestrac at August 11, 2008 12:47 AM - OMG, why don't you get real! Have you considered how many women or men for that matter produce children they can neither afford or are emotionally equipped to handle. For this point Stu and IAM, i agree with you. Maestrac no offence but you sound like the most emotionally self centred person i have come across. Suppose your kids were seen and not heard as well!
Aqueousdb66 I think you need to go and re read my post I didn't make any mention to MY children I was making generalised comments about people who WANT children. But seeing as you brought it up, I got pregnant at 17 and was not emotionally or financially equipped to bring my son into this world but I did, (I also got post natal depression) I also married his father, we never had much money but we were happy for many years. Yes my son and his 2 sisters are healthy and happy but I do know what it's like to have a child that is not physically or mentally normal (for want of a better word), I grew up with one. So don't tell me to get real. Been there done that!!!
And if you re read IAM, (iaminperth?) I think her comments were directed at Stuart not me.
Posted by: maestrac at August 11, 2008 1:39 PM
creativestuart at August 11, 2008 11:11 AM .... How do you think I feel Stuart. I sent a kiss to a guy... he spent a stamp to say hello and asked for my photo password, within minutes of getting it said "Thanks but I think I will keep looking." I replied "I didn't think I looked that bad." Reply said "You have a certain aura." To which I relied " Like the one you get just before you have an epileptic fit." Funny I didn' t get an answer to that.
Posted by: blueyedblond at August 11, 2008 1:31 PM
Stuart, women are not the only scammers on here. Twice in the last few months I have had email from men who, even to the most inexperienced, are not genuine. The broken English and the vagueness of detail in the emails was enough. If you are in doubt copy and past part of the sentences from the email and google it, chances are it has been used before in dating site emails. There is even a site to go to where you can find the origins of the email address. Kurli here here from me, I am sick and tired of the men who have photos many years old and say what they think we want to hear instead of being truthful in their profie. I know this applies to some women too but I am only talking from my expereience. Guys.. just because you confess on a first date to being 5-10 years older than your profile says doesn't make the lie any better.
Posted by: blueyedblond at August 11, 2008 1:24 PM
Posted by: creativestuart at August 11, 2008 8:50 AM replying to - steven212 at August 10, 2008 11:54 PM
For the men at least I believe you are spot on. Indeed it has been the primary reason I have been given in emails for not pursuing anything with me.
Stu, I've re-read your profile and I must admit you sound very interesting on paper. Just a thought, you could mention that even though you live in the country, you are willing to travel to meet the right woman.
Replying to - maestrac at August 11, 2008 12:47 AM
Children aren't fashion accessories!
People that selfish shouldn't have them.
I agree Stu, children are not fashion accessories, what makes you think they are. You want your own biological children from what I gather, what are your motives for wanting them? Why indeed does anyone want children. Who knows, it's a need from within that we can't explain. Indeed many people who don't want children are usually the selfish ones (and I do not condemn them) because they wish to get on with their own lives and don't want to be burdened with children. We are all guilty of being selfish at times and that is a good thing because it means we are giving time to ourselves.
And who are you to say that people that selfish shouldn't have children?...or did you mean fashion accessories.
Posted by: maestrac at August 11, 2008 12:57 PM
Posted by: maestrac at August 11, 2008 12:47 AM - OMG, why don't you get real! Have you considered how many women or men for that matter produce children they can neither afford or are emotionally equipped to handle. For this point Stu and IAM, i agree with you. Maestrac no offence but you sound like the most emotionally self centred person i have come across. Suppose your kids were seen and not heard as well!
Warped, once again you have jumped in where discretion and gentlemenliness should have suggested silence. Posted by: waterbombe at August 11, 2008 10:43 AM - Yep TW, sometimes you over-step the mark but did someone mention black kettles!
Certainly a lot of times on this site it is obvious why many are single. Posted by: creativestuart at August 11, 2008 9:14 AM - Hey Stu, be positive and proactive! Leave the hard core honesty and scepticism at home. :)
Posted by: aqueousdb66 at August 11, 2008 12:05 PM
Ok one and all.........after the Warper's reply to a question directed to me for my PERSONAL reply, here is my slant!
I contacted TW for several reasons:
His apparent pompousity bubble 'needed' bursting.........and here was another guy who thinks women so much younger than he, will be attracted to him.
He is certainly a talker,and can be interesting,at times.
But poseurs and free-loaders I can not abide! I can't decide how long ago his profile pic was taken;(and.....I've probably already said too much for the moderator to let this through,as they so frequently do with Warper)
On a final note: TW you really NEED to practise chivalry,and reduce your verbosity.
Posted by: kurli at August 11, 2008 12:05 PM
waterflambe at August 11, 2008 10:43 AM
Haha. Braaaahhhhh. Waterbombe here.
Another one of your classic bullhorn-from-off stage-interjections.
Who, for fs, invited you to admonish then lecture Warped and patronise kurli and pooches? Not kurli; she can do it from an altitude of 5000 feet and Perth can do it from 5000 kilometres.
Posted by: laughsandtalks at August 11, 2008 11:31 AM
I don't know if I am so tough WB but I have been told many times I am pragmatic and I am certainly very calm in volatile situations. I try not to 'sweat the small stuff' as they say nowadays and get on with life. I have always been very conscious how I present to my kids as I don't believe you can tell children not to do something and then do it yourself. I have also had to work the whole of my life to achieve my goals, although I enjoy the interraction with all ages and have increased the workload now my kids are older and independent., well nearly. My kids know that if you want 'stuff' in this world there is one way and that is work for it. So, I don't know, am I tough, resilliant maybe but I still blubber in movies, blubber everytime we recall a lost pet, miss my mum and dad, more than I thought I ever would and just try to bumble thru life like the rest of us.
Posted by: iaminperth at August 11, 2008 11:20 AM
Maybe I am just over the rejections of every approach....
I am done!
Posted by: creativestuart at August 11, 2008 11:11 AM
waterbombe at August 11, 2008 10:38 AM
The numbers game is absolutely true.
As too the fact I am single.
And when nearly every kiss I send is rejected more dates is impossible!
I would say I am currently at about 1 date in 100 kisses!!
But I am certain that if I lived in Melbourne rather than here I would be getting positive replies to kisses and thus dates.
I am under no delusions that the reasons I am single are three fold, I live and work in a remote area, I am not involved in activities that have me meet potential "dates" and I have some projects to complete, which logically would have been better to be doing either before or with a partner, not whilst trying to find one.
If I were 26 I would have the luxury of time to complete my projects prior to finding a partner. I have lost that luxury at 41
However I stand behind my comments below about relationships and the need to compromise..
Posted by: creativestuart at August 11, 2008 11:09 AM
I think it a little ridiculous to meet someone for the first time and try to size them up as a lifelong partner. I guess we are all guilty of checking each other out in terms of what we look like, how we speak, whether we slurp the coffee, whatever, but to think of the negatives that can happen when meeting a complete stranger seems a little dangerous to me. In fact I think the whole coffee thing is a bit strange to me, almost forced. However if there is a good bit of laughter and a few things in common, would it not be good to perhaps meet again, not the formal dinner thing unless there is quite a big spark but maybe a walk somewhere lovely, a movie which you have both talked about, where you meet there. Something casual where there is no pressure. If you like each other and enjoy each others company there may be a progression. I think a lot of people are putting so much pressure on themselves that they take it out on the person they are meeting. I am the first to admit I am hopeless at this as I like my freedom so much but I have made some good friends along the way, just very very hesitant to take that extra step.
Posted by: iaminperth at August 11, 2008 11:04 AM
exoticorigin at August 10, 2008 9:07 PM: Yes, I remember the pics, and especially their very subtle differences in cranial proportions. And the spanish/english/filipina origins. Very exotic indeed. But not as exotic as ancient Egypt, eh?
Posted by: timewarp1 at August 11, 2008 10:54 AM
A new topic could be Warped does Warped, it's all in the mind.
Posted by: iaminperth at August 11, 2008 10:54 AM
I asked Kurli the question TW and if she didn't chose to answer that is her right. For you to jump in and answer on her behalf is particularly rude and I guess that answers my question.
Posted by: iaminperth at August 11, 2008 10:51 AM
Have to agree Stu, I mean I don't know you at all, but you come across to me as a rather precious judgemental person who is so negative about just about everything. Your dismal lifeless assessments of life and meeting another person astound me for someone your age. I am sure you do not mean to sound like this, but unfortunately on these blogs I think you do and it would put any lively loving female off.
Posted by: iaminperth at August 11, 2008 10:47 AM
Warped, once again you have jumped in where discretion and genlemanliness should have suggested silence. The question was to Kurli, not to you...leave it to her to answer questions directed to her. And you knew very well that Perth would not die wondering...she's far too tough for that small item to bother her.
I wonder if there should be a blog just for you, titled Does Time(warp) Really Tell?
Posted by: waterbombe at August 11, 2008 10:43 AM
Certainly a lot of times on this site it is obvious why many are single. Posted by: creativestuart at August 11, 2008 9:14 AM .
Don't you think a statement like this leaves you wide open, Stu? You're coming across as a bit sarcastic. And aren't YOU single, with only 8 dates in 2 years to boot?
Basically people are single because they haven't found the right person to settle down with yet. That's often just a numbers game.
Posted by: waterbombe at August 11, 2008 10:38 AM
Posted by: timewarp1 at August 9, 2008 5:46 PM
Timewarp, in your post of Aug8 at 11.43pm you made reference to and named a fellow blogger with whom you had outside blog contact and meetings.
Go to the 4th last line of that post. It is very clear and you have actually named the blogger.
In my opinion this is not acceptable and is behaviour of the "kiss and tell" type and people who do such things are usually refered to as cads.
There is no problem with you making generalisations about your past experiences. I think using your ex wifes name is a bit naff but as we do not know whether that is indeed her correct name it probably is inconsequential.
However, a while back you very publicly gave all sort of details about your meetings with the same blogger and used her profile name. This is insentive and ungentlemanly conduct and indicates that you have no consideration for the feelings of the lady involved.
I would also suggest it is not so smart as any potential candidate who reads the blogs would be turned off by such behaviour.
rgds grego
Posted by: grego7 at August 11, 2008 10:33 AM
iaminperth at August 10, 2008 11:43 PM: I see that your interested question has not been answered, so rather than have you die wondering, I will.
The usual way. She sent me an RSVP kiss which I answered in the affirmative, because I agreed with her appraisal that she was precisely what I was looking for. And she was.
But after about 80 hours together, she decided she wasn't ready to settle down yet, and gave me the flick, rather than putting me on the back burner. Pity about that.
Posted by: timewarp1 at August 11, 2008 10:18 AM
Kurli your photos are so good. Keep doing what you are doing and enjoy yourself. Better to be 'alone' with great friends than saddled with someone unsuitable. The photos are smashing !
Posted by: iaminperth at August 11, 2008 9:48 AM
maestrac at August 11, 2008 12:47 AM
Going a bit further....
In my experience, those in my life (young and old) with very sucessful relationships and well ballanced children have...
Been more decisive, more conservative, less selfish, less impulsive, better planners, travelled less, put children's and at many times partners needs before their own.
Been willing to give as much or more than take.
Indeed when I look at at girls on this site who are "adicted to travel" or infact, "determined to be independent" I am wary of them as potential life partners. ( before everyone jumps on that I do give benefit of doubt and would indeed meet and get to know them, but have been found correct many times)
Relationships are about compromise, at every level and giving as much at least as taking.
Certainly a lot of times on this site it is obvious why many are single.
Posted by: creativestuart at August 11, 2008 9:14 AM
john316 at August 11, 2008 1:00 AM
Those will still lie, I have contacted two scammers this last week who said they were local and yet either asked or gave a yahoo email in the first emal, didn't answer any questions or indeed turned out to be in either Nieria or Romania. RSVP are very quick to remove such people and so long as you haven't supplied your email address will usually return your stamps.
Just report such people quickly! Then ignore them.
Posted by: creativestuart at August 11, 2008 8:57 AM
ExoticO @ 8.51pm':
I don't need caffeine or Powerad drinks to keep me going!
The adrenalin of Gliding/soaring for 50 minutes at 3500 feet is enough.
Yes I do my own paperwork business wise and "fit in" some art quilts as well.
Truth is,after being widowed I had to re-establish my own life "my way"........and do the things I've dreamed of doing before it gets too late.
YES I had a great weekend :-) but today..I'm wilting!
Posted by: kurli at August 11, 2008 8:55 AM
steven212 at August 10, 2008 11:54 PM
For the men at least I believe you are spot on. Indeed it has been the primary reason I have been given in emails for not pursuing anything with me.
maestrac at August 11, 2008 12:47 AM
Children aren't fashion accessories!
People that selfish shouldn't have them.
Maybe it is a short coming but I can't function without purpose and a plan.
Also I think an awful lot of the adventurous and impulsive, are also the indecisive and single.
Posted by: creativestuart at August 11, 2008 8:50 AM
IaiPerth!@11.43pm;
If the gander can use the big bad F word when referring to himself,I dont see why the goose can't............Very VBG :-)
(and it got through :-)
Posted by: kurli at August 11, 2008 8:35 AM
Posted by: john316 at August 11, 2008 1:00 AM
john its a privacy issue. you can refine your own searches to include only those within a certain distance of your own postcode.
Posted by: kisskat at August 11, 2008 7:45 AM
Why why why do you not insist on people including their post code in their profile?
I am sick of spending stamps on ladies that life a million miles away!
It is such an easy question to ask.
Posted by: john316 at August 11, 2008 1:00 AM
Hi steven 212, welcome. I enjoyed reading your profile. LOL. Sorry...foot in mouth tonight.
Posted by: maestrac at August 11, 2008 12:55 AM
Posted by: creativestuart at August 9, 2008 9:20 PM Children should be the result of a loving partnership, - I don't agree Stu, why should a single person be denied the pleasure of having a child. There are many single men and women out there who reach the age where they feel their biological clock is ticking and don't have a partner (like yourself). Many, when they get to this age are financially independent (I did say many not all). And because women have the reproductive organs they are better able to fulfill their need to have a child than men in the same situation and so go forth and multiply. Yes children need the positive and loving influences of male and female in their upbringing, but this can be given through extended family and friends. On the other hand, either male or female will find a partner who already has children.
Posted by: creativestuart at August 9, 2008 9:20 PM Children should be the result of a loving partnership, a very well thought out process, that includes the long term plan for providing for them for their lives, schooling and everything that goes with them. NOT something you have just because you want some!
Get real Stu, most people have children because they WANT them. Yes some couples have a plan about starting a family but many go blindly in, have their children and muddle through as best they can. Either way, the majority of these children are wanted. Many young couples can't afford to start a family and they don't look that far into the future regarding costs of bringing up a family, if we all thought about how much it costs to bring up just one child until it leaves school or university, then we'd all go out and buy expensive toys, but we'd be much worse off emotionally.
What I'm saying is Stu, Stop trying to plan out your life to the letter, loosen up and take life as it comes. You sound very regimented and rigid in your thinking, be adventurous and impulsive.
Ok let me have it, guns blazing, both barrels.........Aghhhh, you got me!!!!!
Posted by: maestrac at August 11, 2008 12:47 AM
an observation - I wonder how many people on this site would receive more contacts ( or be more successfull ) with their contacting people if they moved near or within their closest city.
but, then again, there would never be any guarantee of improved results etc
Posted by: steven212 at August 10, 2008 11:54 PM
Oh Kurli You said the F word !! I'm so shocked. You still didn't let us know how you became involved, albeit only for a short while, in the first place.
Posted by: iaminperth at August 10, 2008 11:43 PM
Re: the Warper@ 11.43pm on the 8th,and @ 7.23pm tonight!
What I said was my own thoughts and not those of the (fat) old man who thinks women adore him........(Wake up Warper)
and as for Willow 29......Moi.....a party crasher???
NEVER!! but I accept your apologies (VBG)
and off to study my Gliding manual and get away from Warper's pretensions..............YET AGAIN!
WHY is it that his drivel gets through,and my answers DON'T!!
Posted by: kurli at August 10, 2008 10:10 PM
willow29,...that was funny...hehe....friday night - gate crasher....Saturday, recover from alcohol-hang-over and feel so sorry !!....Sunday, receive bills to pay damages....
:))
Posted by: exoticorigin at August 10, 2008 9:33 PM
Hello Professor Timewarp, thank you, for second the motion of my post. As you continue to elaborate well,..that was perfect reminders to all of us...
Thanks for calling me "doll" still remember my pics? how do I looked.. an "exotic doll" hehe. Ola...
Posted by: exoticorigin at August 10, 2008 9:07 PM
Kurli...Wow! that was amazing, where did you get all those energy? Sometimes I feel exhausted especially this financial year, doing all papers works for my work/business income tax lodgement, plus social activities with my families, friends and special mate. I tried "powerade energy drink'', might helps just a little bit. I rarely watch telly's, although I got international cable channels, but seldom to view due to lack of time. I prefer to spend time in bed for long sleep if possible. Nice to hear your doing well and energetic....
Posted by: exoticorigin at August 10, 2008 8:51 PM
TW - its from BIlly Joel's "You May Be Right"
"Friday night I crashed your party
Saturday I said Im sorry
Sunday came and trashed me out again
I was only having fun, never hurting anyone
And we all enjoyed the weeked for a change.."
Posted by: willow29 at August 10, 2008 8:31 PM
My 2 doggies were the subject of a rather hilarious battle with my ex.
He argued more with me about seeing them than he did about seeing the children. And he saw them more than he saw the children too.
Every time there was correspondence from solicitors, the dogs were invariably the number 1 topic before anything else.
I politely (sort of) suggested that he move on and get a dog or two of his own, but no, he insisted on taking mine for a few walks each week. And he could easily access them when l wasn't home.
I recall one time recently when he dognapped them after arguing with my son.
Absolutely laughable, my son got very incensed and tore after him, rescuing the poor pooches who were probably highly amused at being taken on a joyride.
I wonder what on earth is in his head at times, apart from the booze that is.......
Even the prospect of buying a new house has the dog condsiderations.
After all they are for life, not just Christmas........K
Posted by: auntykaz at August 10, 2008 8:22 PM
TW - its from BIlly Joel's "You May Be Right"
"Friday night I crashed your party
Saturday I said Im sorry
Sunday came and trashed me out again
I was only having fun, never hurting anyone
And we all enjoyed the weeked for a change.."
Posted by: willow29 at August 10, 2008 8:22 PM
coldchapman...........hello.
What a lovely heart you seem to have,and what a lucky little girl you have.
I hope that you find a wonderful woman here.....and I agree with you....it doesn't matter if an older man wants children,or if you are a single mother,who may not be in the same financial bracket as yourself.
Just remember....you can't put baby on the bike!
If I were not in Sydney,and not already involved with someone,and did not already have 3 children under 10....i would have loved to date you......and I love children very much.
I wish you all the luck in the world,
R
Posted by: musicteacher at August 10, 2008 7:52 PM
iaminperth at August 10, 2008 5:49 PM: I was going to say that I don't have TV now, so a little bit after I retire won't do me too much harm, but kurli's said it all for me, and more. Ta, Mo. (That's dynaMo, y'know)
willow29 at August 10, 2008 6:37 PM: Since when did teenage gate-crashers ever say sorry afterwards?
Manners must have improved a lot, since I was at the age to have my parties crashed.
Tennis calls. Seeyezall.
Posted by: timewarp1 at August 10, 2008 7:23 PM
Kurli, I thought you were going to say "Friday night I crashed your party, Saturday I said Im sorry..." :)
Posted by: willow29 at August 10, 2008 6:37 PM
exoticorigin @3.10 pm............What's the Olympic games?? (VBG)
Friday evening I spent at live theatre,Saturday I sang in a choir;today I went gliding...two flights totalling `1.5 hours.
Fantastic!
Tomorrow is Japanese conversation,Tuesday is swimming and little theatre rehearsals;Wednesday is choir practice,Thursday is "sight singing and choral techniques"
WHY waste time in front of a TV watching others do things?
Posted by: kurli at August 10, 2008 6:23 PM
Hey Marcus, The labs are more than happy as there are now four adults and a total of 7 kids in two houses and, of course, the new baby. Sometimes the ex husband turns up with his wife and their four and the dog and they all have a barbecue in the backyard with his ex wife and her new husband and three kids, what a noise, it's unbelievable but only in the day time. Come to think of it I don't know who owns the baby ! All very nice people though. They usually end up in the local park playing cricket and pushing little ones in carts. On a more serious note, a lot of dogs end up in dogs homes after breakups which is terribly sad.
Posted by: iaminperth at August 10, 2008 6:05 PM
Agree totally Pisces. I think we all have some idea of the type of person we would like to meet but that choice must be made bearing in mind the reality at the time. When you have children you have an ever changing situation and their needs have to take first place. You only have one childhood where habits are learned and, after all, parents are the best or worse example. Parenting is a real skill I believe and should not be put second place. Is the new partner more important than the children, no I don't think so, time must be for both and the new partner must understand this, if they don't, well maybe it's time to move on.
Posted by: iaminperth at August 10, 2008 6:00 PM
TW Some people just want to do more than sit in front of a television screen when they retire, that's all.
Posted by: iaminperth at August 10, 2008 5:49 PM
piscesgirl56 at August 10, 2008 4:52 PM: Thank you for reminding us that only the child-centred deserve to have children (anyone's children) in their care.
And I'd like to add that wisdom and self-control also help to make a useful parent or guardian.
Posted by: timewarp1 at August 10, 2008 5:36 PM
"I want her for her personal qualities and the bliss of our togetherness whereever we are, not for her trinkets, toys and travel aspirations. " TW
ME TOO!
Posted by: creativestuart at August 10, 2008 5:28 PM
"I don't even hear about the larger extravagances of the really rich, except that the 23 members of the Ford family who come to their annual family reunion/business meeting, come in 17 different private jets from about 6 different home airports. At the same time, both ways."
No wonder that company is about to self explode!
Posted by: creativestuart at August 10, 2008 5:26 PM
poochesinperth August 10, 2008 4:46 PM
You make sure those labs are looked after; dogs from broken homes often do not do well later in life.
Cheers Marcus
Posted by: laughsandtalks at August 10, 2008 5:15 PM
About children: I believe they are the blessings of this world regardless whether they are mine or not. Sadly, many parents forget to nurture them the way they need to be nurtured, because money and career and other selfish needs come first. We are all different, which is perfectly OK...but I believe that people who do not like children should look for partners without children - to reduce the number of emotionally damaged, confused adults with social disabilities. This site is excellent, because we can guess from the profiles which person has similar values to ours and choose accordingly - rather than make choices based on looks or other superficial details. Even when the values are similar, there is a big chance that the other person will just not 'feel' right...I believe it takes time and patience before we can find that right person we need - and we should not take rejection personal but rather as a natural learning experience on the way towards that ultimate goal.
Posted by: piscesgirl56 at August 10, 2008 4:52 PM
WW Stu already looked at that I believe, but he is not happy about the exes coming with the kids and doesn't want to deal with any shared parenting which is fair enough. Not like the couple who live behind me who ended in a second marriage with a total of 7 kids. All these kids now seem to move from parent to parent as a group and now there is a new baby involved as well. Oh, and forgot there is the obligatory golden labrador dog, in fact I am not sure, but there may even be two.
Posted by: iaminperth at August 10, 2008 4:46 PM
This whole children debate reminds me of a profile I saw sometime back..... she had marked in children 2, ages between x & y and in want children, she had put "undecided" ........... hey they can't be that bad ?????? I know what she meant (before anyone writes I'm an idiot ...true but for different reasons)...... it just sound great (when misconstrued)..... anyway....just another thought FTAMOS.....
Posted by: spanky668 at August 10, 2008 4:42 PM
exoticorigin at August 10, 2008 3:10 PM : Hi doll. You are so right. For success, priorities should be:
1) Meet extra new people, hoping to become business associates, friends or lover.
2) Cultivate existing business associates, friends or lover.
3) Eat (preferably not alone - that wastes networking time.)
4) Exercise (ditto)
5) Enjoy quiet hobby to recharge creative batteries. (for me, blogging and writing poetry. Spend far too long on blogging. Thanks for reminder.)
6) Get enough sleep.
Will now unload Hills hoist and then have a siesta-snore till I leave for tennis at 7pm. Seeyez.
Posted by: timewarp1 at August 10, 2008 4:19 PM
Timewarp..thanks for the welcome back :)
Like jewels and perth i see so many other things and opportunities coming closer as my children grow older. I loved being a mother but that was never all i was..and now there is time to pursue other things..and it would be even greater to do it with a like minded partner.
I meant no disrepect to men or women that are happy to have children later, it's just not for me :)
Posted by: sweetenuff67 at August 10, 2008 4:16 PM
junebaby57 at August 10, 2008 12:44 PM: You make a very good point. There are two factors to consider when choosing your next man: what he is, and what he has.
The first affects how good a time you'll have together, whereever you are, and the second affects where you can afford to live or travel while you're together.
I look with interest rather than envy at the luxury-consuming actions of the richer members of the first world. I see them buying wine at over $20 a bottle, cars and boats that cost over $40,000 each, and houses measuring over 25 squares in floor area.
I see expensive gas-guzzling (or worse still, avgas-guzzling) long-distance/overseas holidays on so many over-50s' shopping lists.
I don't even hear about the larger extravagances of the really rich, except that the 23 members of the Ford family who come to their annual family reunion/business meeting, come in 17 different private jets from about 6 different home airports. At the same time, both ways.
And I see them all as a squandering of the world's scarce resources on excessive luxuries that is becoming less defencible every year.
So I'm focussing on looking for a woman with a personality that I can really admire, and if she can't afford the ecologically-selfish extravagances that I can't afford, hey, that's fine by me.
I want her for her personal qualities and the bliss of our togetherness whereever we are, not for her trinkets, toys and travel aspirations.
Not just power corrupts - so does wealth in excess. I'm pretty fat, but I want to be able to fit through the eye of that 'needle' in Jerusalem. (It's a little gateway in a wall.)
But cheaper to check by measuring it there and me here, than to do the trek.
I'll get the Discovery Channel when I can afford to retire, and do a lot of low-cost virtual travel. But now, a siesta before tennis.
Posted by: timewarp1 at August 10, 2008 3:59 PM
creativestuart - can I please suggest to you that at your age you should be more than happy to meet a woman with a child or even a couple of children? As you yourself said, the chances of you meeting, dating, getting engaged to, marrying and then having children with someone are fast getting slimmer. I met my stepdaughter when she was 5 and raised her from age 6 to 18 and it was the most wonderful experience ... maybe not as good as having my own child but reasonably close. So I say .... go for it, you'll almsot certainly love it and that will also open up plenty more possibilities for you in your search.
Posted by: woodnwine at August 10, 2008 3:41 PM
Reading these blogs, it was nice to see you all have time writing this stuff. Have anyone of you watching the Beijing Olympic?
Get off your computer's once awhile, in one stage will transformed yourself self-loving makeover rather than forcing endless net hunting expedition in 24/7. I don't want to be rude but in reality, blogging is time consuming and taken all your valuable time that supposed to be spend on something..or other priorities what ever are those you desire. Go out meet other people outside your parameters, there are many option can captured your dreams, inherent in every intention are the mechanics for it's fulfilment. Trust- when things don't seem to go your way, there's must be reason...
I put myself into powerful principles, that I can use daily to fulfil my deepest desires with effortless joy. As you put into practice, you will realised that you can manifest whatever you have dreaming about...
Like most of you I worked hard but i take time to expressed myself, not just worrying too much. I work 3 nights-full time employee in 12 hours per shift, in manufacturing company. During the day I work with my own business as sole trader. Apart from my busy-working life, I still have time for my special person to spend quality time during weekends. As you see, everything is has to be balance and doesn't need to force any solution but to allow the answers to spontaneously emerge.
Reason why I achieved goals, because I choose action today and not waiting what should be.. whatever the event generates....
Posted by: exoticorigin at August 10, 2008 3:10 PM
sweetenuff67 at August 10, 2008 9:49 AM: Welcome back. Love your profile, with a bob each way.
I wonder if some older blokes say they want kids/more kids actually because
* they have none yet and don't want to miss out, like our Stu,
* if they did have a child, they think that would keep her occupied, and not looking round for a younger bloke on a Harley, while they're at work,
* they have a good income which they have to cultivate full time and overtime, so they expect that like their parents, she'll do all the nappy-changing etc. With hired help, if that's all too much for their own little woman.
What do others think? Especially the blokes in question - some will be reading this.
Posted by: timewarp1 at August 10, 2008 3:08 PM
I agree Jewels wholeheartedly.
Posted by: iaminperth at August 10, 2008 2:40 PM
timewarp1 at August 10, 2008 1:08 PM
I guess it depends on your motivations, my love of cars comes from my parents and living on Conrod Straight when young and from as early as I can remember it was a family afair to clean the car, we all treated it with respect and all still do, (indeed the Rover referred to below was Mum's), there were 4 boys and every time we got out our rubbish went too.
I also have a couple of friends who have young families and their cars are immacualte too, and they don't get obsessive over it, just clean them once every couple weaks at least and involve their kids too.
And yes TW I guess that is where some of the frustraion that has surfaced in the blogs comes from too, I think many people want to be accepted for who they are, that is what I was expressing to Troy about finding someone interested in me, not the superficial stuff.
junebaby57 whilst I tend to agree over wanting an equal or at least someone on the same page, I am also going in with a belief of it going to work. I will be careful in my preparations and choices, learn from my past but actually don't believe in prenups, that is like saying I want an out clause before you even commit!
Posted by: creativestuart at August 10, 2008 1:47 PM
creativestuart at August 10, 2008 10:36 AM: If you get a wife and kids and are a bit modern about sharing the parenting/housekeeping duties, Stu, your cars might not stay quite as clean.
Before I was married, I even used to car-polish the black-painted air cleaner cover on my hotted Hillman. Hidden away inside the bonnet! Mechanics were incredulous.
Not any more. After 45 years I'm now on car 9 , and it's just useful wheels. Alternates between 1-seater delivery van, 2-seater day-drive datemobile and 5-seater poets' carpooler. And in Brisbane these days, only the rain has a permit to wash cars in your yard.
My current car isn't who I am.
I am who I am, and anyone who's confused about that fact certainly isn't my kind of people. So I'll race her to yell 'Next!'
Posted by: timewarp1 at August 10, 2008 1:08 PM
a lot of interesting stuff to read on a very cold sunday...
Re the money and car, sorry but money does come into it...I have been divorced so have experienced the how money does or does not affect a break up. For a person my age...I want an equal, I do not want to get involved with some one who has nothing....cause if you fall in love and live together....then fall out...you have to go thru a property settlement. So a equal person and a pre nup is the way to go for me.... I am not mercenary...I don't want thier money or stuff, but they need to have it as living life, plus future overseas travels does not come cheap!!!!! Plus what is mine will eventually go to my boys, the same as what he has will be for his children.
Now meeting a man my age with very young children....NOT for me. My youngest is now 19, I can now see FREEDOM in my future, travel, weekends away , doing my own stuff with an equally free partner ....that is what I want. No more younger children......not for me at any rate. But that is my choice.....so if men kiss me with children under the age of about 15, I have to say no....just my thoughts on a very cold sunday...jewels
Posted by: junebaby57 at August 10, 2008 12:44 PM
Stu, there are also lots of women who would love men to take a chance on them you know. It is not solely a male domain.
I think we all get that.........
Positive up, l say, always look on the bright side of life and all that stuff.
Negative aint no good. For anyone. Especially if a partner is the ultimate goal...................K
Posted by: auntykaz at August 10, 2008 11:47 AM
colchapman1 at August 10, 2008 9:55 AM: Welcome to someone with very sound ideas.
Posted by: timewarp1 at August 10, 2008 11:44 AM
guiltypleasure at August 9, 2008 8:52 PM
More assumptions....
I am not going to come out and say exactally how many kisses I am sending but I am and whilst it certainly isn't scatterbomb it is still quite a lot.
Hell how did we get back to this discussion on this blog (actually go down the bottom and read it if you don't believe me) one of the other males was expressing frustration on lack of positive response and asked for figures on other's response rates!!
The one thing you are all overlooking.... In order to get from kiss to date you need positive responses!
We have a consenses that I have a good profile and pictures, that I seem to be a nice guy (the two girls I have spoken to who have commented have said the most flattering things)
I have had some good advice along the way and indeed I have a plan that as been enhanced by it.
But the main point I tried making here, which most of you missed was this..
There are "good guys' on this site, who are sending kisses, but if you want to find them you will have to take a chance, ACCEPT an approach from someone who might be a little older, further away or slightly outside a tight crterior to find them!
Because if I check that little box that says "mutual search" this magic 390 you lot are spruking becomes 20 and that is from the whole of Victoria!
And I can't go on dates if I don't even get invited to send an email!
That isn't a complaint, just the reality.
Posted by: creativestuart at August 10, 2008 10:31 AM
Sweetenuff67, What's wrong with a guy in his mid to late 40's, or even 50's wanting more children?
Aside from the fact he may not be able to sprint as fast as he used to, or toss his child in the air as many times as the child may want...where is the harm.
Quite often older men are more settled, have achieved most of their ambitions and often have the opportunity to now be more child focussed than they were when trying to pay off mortgages and realise ambitions.
My daughter is a single child and I very much wish to give her a little brother or sister if I can. Or at the very least I hope to meet a partner with young children that my little girl can bond and grow up with.
You're never too old I say.
Posted by: colchapman1 at August 10, 2008 10:00 AM
I for one couldn't care if a prospective partner is a single mother on a pension or a high income earner. It is the person I am interested in, not their bank balance.
I have found people from all walks of life (and income brackets) to be interesting, thoughtful and intelligent. I've been wealthy and i've been flat broke...i was never any less attractive or less interesting in either case.
We're all here to find either long term love, companionship or friends. I have only just joined RSVP and can't wait for my first date. I'm excited, apprehensive and impatient.
As a single father who has focussed solely on my little girl for the past 15 months I am very much looking forward to some adult company.
I don't care if she is 10 years older or 10 years younger, my prospective partner will have qualities and attributes that are very rarely determined by age.
Posted by: colchapman1 at August 10, 2008 9:55 AM
Hi to all ( i aren't a new blogger but have not been on them for a while)..
Just thought i would make a comment about wanting kids or not..and when is too old...as a woman of 40 who has done the children thing and doesn't intend to have any more.. i find it a little difficult to find guys that are also in the same boat as me. It amazes me that guys of 45 to 50+ are still keen to have children?? Even if they have a couple already?? What the??
Do other ladies strike this??
Posted by: sweetenuff67 at August 10, 2008 9:49 AM
iaminperth at August 9, 2008 6:02 PM : You overestimate me, doll. The current car is only 17. And its predecessors all went to the wrecker before they were 20.
I classify people who judge your character by the cost of your car or clothes as too mercenary and superficial to be worth bothering with. Neauveau riche, with their taste in their mouth.
Posted by: timewarp1 at August 10, 2008 2:33 AM
well. I personally would be a bit wary of dating a fellow of my age who had very young children. for it means that they have a major commitment that is going to last at least for the next 15 or so years. so where does that leave a new partner in their life? For myself, if i was totally smitten I guess I would take on board all that was my partners world, but i'd have to say, if i could, i would avoid being involved with a new younger family.
And then about the age thing...I have a 5 yr rule...up to 5yrs older or 5ys younger.....as i believe that gives me the best chance of having things in common with the other person, yet I get kisses from men in their 60's. Whether they are good sorts, spritely and fit, i still do not think they are a good match for me... they are just outside my generation, I am just being realistic. I have never been attracted to men 10 yrs my senior.
Posted by: aquamanda56 at August 9, 2008 10:56 PM
WB 7.06 That is the biggest dealbreaker!!! - do they think we are blind, stupid, or both not to figure that out in the first few seconds....grrrr
Posted by: qualitygal1 at August 9, 2008 10:43 PM
POM here! Yep from England, hence profile name.... thanks for your feedback and good luck in your search girls! Enjoy the rest of your weekend.
Posted by: pomlovingdownunder at August 9, 2008 9:38 PM
iaminperth at August 9, 2008 7:04 PM
exactally
And two almost sure fire ways to have it fail is if the focus of you getting together is to have children, or rushing to have them are the piority....
Children should be the result of a loving partnership, a very well thought out process, that includes the long term plan for providing for them for their lives, schooling and everything that goes with them. NOT something you have just because you want some!
Posted by: creativestuart at August 9, 2008 9:20 PM
Yes lies are totally unacceptable and the 4 second thing is then totally understandable
Posted by: creativestuart at August 9, 2008 9:03 PM
I have things I need to do, finish the house, work some more on my business....
I am actually ready to close the child door
Posted by: creativestuart at August 9, 2008 3:44 PM
Stuart you sound like a man that can't be bothered. If you want to meet someone, then send a few kisses. But if you don't, then for goodness sakes, get out of your own way and shut down your profile.
Too old, finishing the house, wanting to expand your business, this criteria, that criteria.... excuses, excuses, excuses.
You will never meet someone, because you don't want to - do you?
My friend was a single mum, with a toddler when she met a man who invited her to a coffee. To her surprise, he showed up to the meeting with his two boys - then aged 5 and 6 - in tow. They lived with their Mum, it was not an ideal situation and he was floundering. They started out as friends, someone to go to movies with, companions who coordinated their parenting weekends as some sort of moral support for each other. He was fifteen years older than her, your current age. Like you, he thought his parenting days were over, that being a part-time father was the best he could hope for.
That was ten years and two more children ago.
From the ashes of destructive and abusive relationships, they formed a friendship, then a relationship and finally a business partnership. With her support, he took his wayward and drug-affected ex to court and got custody of his boys. Theirs is now a busy house with five kids, his, hers, theirs.
Now tell me Stu, are you going to tell me that theirs is not the right way to have a family? Sometimes the best thing you can do is take a leap of faith and stop being so prescriptive about how things should be. Just send the damn kisses, okay?
Posted by: guiltypleasure at August 9, 2008 8:52 PM
4 seconds....? When we meet someone in 'real time'...we sum them up pretty quickly as well....we choose to chat or flirt....in a situation where we have decided to meet in order to find out if there is more, especially if there have been emails and phone calls...4 seconds is enough to realise if there is the spark that may tke it further. 4 seconds may be just an expression....it may take 20!!!
Cheers,
B.
Posted by: bm1960 at August 9, 2008 8:29 PM
Me too Drone, me too.......
Posted by: victoriadownunder at August 9, 2008 8:22 PM
I can understand the 4-second thing completely in the situation you describe, Pom. I think many of us do a quick "I'm out of here" when the person turns up and we realise they have lied about their age.
Posted by: waterbombe at August 9, 2008 7:06 PM
I think you are very sensible to think about the age think when it comes to children. I have talked to a few guys who are older than me, in their sixties and have young children. They are either totally financiall strapped or their wives have moved out and left them with them. I can't imagine how some cope, or rather some of them don't. I am talking of guys over 60 and god knows why they started having more children this late in life. Please don't harp about the woman thing that's no excuse. I personally don't think you are at all too old to have children of your own but there is a time clock ticking and you would have to be very very aware of the consequences if the partnership failed.
Posted by: iaminperth at August 9, 2008 7:04 PM
victoriadownunder at August 9, 2008 11:59 AM
Thanks, and hi! Hope you find your chap who loves to cook. :)
Posted by: drone at August 9, 2008 6:59 PM
Of course not Pom, that's what profiles are for. Are you from England ?
Posted by: iaminperth at August 9, 2008 6:55 PM
iaminperth, just looked at your profile to see the face that belongs to the blog and your puppy is soooo cute... Hope you don't mind me taking a peak!
Posted by: pomlovingdownunder at August 9, 2008 6:19 PM
woodnwine, waterbomb, creativestuart..grego7 etc etc
I think I have caused a bit of a stir with my 4 seconds thing. Let me clarify when I state in my profile that I am looking for someone about the same age as me, who would like to have a relationship and would be open to having a family, after all I am only 35, thats exactly what I mean. so when a guy turns up in the pub who clearly looks like he has children the same age as me and been there done that, I can safely say I decided within the first 4 seconds. Don't you thing, haha. I certainly don't think WHAT AN AMAZING OPPORTUNITY!!! maybe I would if I was just after money! But that I am not. I am just a simple girl who wants a nice man whos at the same stage in his life and ready to take a chance.
I don't want to date my dad thanks. I am looking for someone my age... is that so wrong? I just wish people would be honest with photos and age, would make life simple. Also I have dated men both younger and older and am certainly not superficial.
Loved your comments waterbomb, you got it!
Also I don't think its bad to check out same sex profiles, i think its good to check out the competition I say.
I always offer to pay my share BTW, unless a guy insists on paying and wants to be the perfect gentlemen I will let him, but I always insist to pay the next time, thats only fair eh?
Posted by: pomlovingdownunder at August 9, 2008 6:15 PM
iaminperth at August 9, 2008 3:27 PM : "Why ever would a business exec earning over $100,000 pa with assets want to socialize, with a view presumably to establishing a relationship, with someone who lives on cut price chooks from Coles?"
I'll disobey Greg and generalise some guesses. (After forgetting what I actually know about the different ones, Greg.)
1) Because I'd sent them a kiss, and they were doing what you all tell Stu to - when in doubt, meet. Specially when you don't get many kisses/chances and you're not getting any younger.
2) Because something in my profile or my emails or phonecalls appealed to them in some way or other, and they thought "You never know. So why not?"
3) Because when you're as rich as that, the feeling of need for companoinship can sometimes make you clutch at straws - or even, men of straw.
4) Because a buzzer can only give you a buzz, (like Phylida of the pneumatic bliss, waterbomber), so a real person is much more interesting to talk to. Especially if he's an enthusiastic listener and asks leading questions.
Gotta go. Off to a BBQ at my previous book-keeper's, if I may be permitted to mention that, Greg. Seeyez all.
Posted by: timewarp1 at August 9, 2008 6:13 PM
Hi Willow and Malsie....yes I DO look at the profiles of most of the bloggers here...(actually mutiple times, as I forget, who is who) ahhh...hard for this new kid on the block, to keep up with you all
AuntyKaz, I will leave you to your own devices girlfriend...I would probably muck it all up. (Geez, I can't even help myself)
But finding a girl for a guy...hmmmm...I might be ok...lol
There were some stats down below, from TW and Drone, also whoever did the original search for Stu..well that's what got me interested in Matchmaking for him. LOL...PLUS I think Stu is a really nice guy, who just needs a kick up the bum... (mind you, only a friendly kick)
Posted by: starryeyez at August 9, 2008 6:06 PM
But Stu, that coupled with the maggots in the toe and the 30 odd blackheads on the back, no, can't quite see an ideal match there plus arriving at the restaurant in a 28 year old car with bits falling off it. Nope, not quite.
Posted by: iaminperth at August 9, 2008 6:02 PM
I know Stu I like getting specials as well but I don't rely on it. I don't run out especially to get a half price chook I must admit, but if I am in the shop, nah I still don't buy it, sitting there for too long. My puppy has a barbecue chook on her birthday. We stick a candle up its butt and sing happy birthday and then pull the flesh off and give it to her. My kids and I have done this since they were tiny and we still do it and they're both grown adults now.
Posted by: iaminperth at August 9, 2008 5:55 PM
grego7 at August 9, 2008 12:27 PM : "I suggest a rule of thumb should be what happens off the blogs stays off the blogs."
Including everything that ever happened to us, or we heard about? So what will be the allowed topics?
I was talking at 11.43pm last night about 3 "typical" scenarios. The exact prices and the woman's dead husband's name were not factual, of course - only the general drift of the meetings, which was an amalgum/generalisation of many women in each class.
Posted by
Even funnier, is the order of the blog summary on the main rsvp page:
I call mine 'asleep'. Nice freudian slip before.
Szilvia, I like the sound of that, yes... it really rolls of the tongue if you...
Talk about boggling!
Posted by: willow29 at August 12, 2008 2:23 PM