RSVP Blog

Someone who is separated but not divorced is to be considered dubious or not worthy of consideration as having any potential as dating material? W.TF.Until the divorce is final you are banished to solitude.???
Meanwhile the legally declared singles are free to date multiple partners ,continually move from one relationship to another with impunity .Who decides when these relationships are truly over and they are free to move on ....after all they don't have a piece of paper to prove it.!!!!
B.T.W. I am divorced and have been so for several years after being separated for 3 years prior to that.
No doubt there are guys that use rsvp as a playground just as there are women who see it as a means to a free lunch(wine included of course)
It's no different to meeting in real time really ...you just have to trust your instincts and take a chance

Posted by: tallerthantom at July 30, 2008 1:33 PM

lookin4missright2 at July 30, 2008 12:51 PM: You are so right!

Posted by: timewarp1 at July 30, 2008 1:31 PM

stareyes - we are all with you. Hope you find what you are looking for. Musicteacher- AH! yes the junk food trick. Works all the time but think about you waistline. Why not try sipping a large amount of H2O. It will go away sooner or later BrrrrP sorry old fart Gordon

Posted by: gordon1951 at July 30, 2008 1:28 PM

WB at 12.16pm: "TW, you asking me what I've done for feminism is like a white guy asking a black guy what he's done for racial equality. The question really does show that you have no idea."

WB: I've told you some of what I've done for gender equality in my tiny puddle of influence. Half the phone sales staff in my industry are now female, and that could be 70 or 80 extra female jobs, at the expense of reduced male employment.

Even though it's not directly my problem, except as an altruistic leader in local social change for the better/more equitable. But it's certainly your personal problem, or I misread your chronic fervour.

To get back to your irrelevant point: What did the african americans since the 1950s do to improve their lot? Resignedly leave it all to Whitey? Ha ha mate.

I liked Marcus's Gloria Steinem quote about the helpless victim mentality - which in your example means that only Whitey is responsible to try to change the status quo. Shows where you fit in the picture.

I've done my bit for the sisters in my small puddle, and been characteristically open about it. No apologies for that, ever. Except that apology to kurli, once she outed herself.

And equally characteristically, when the spotlight moved to checking out your contribution to ameliorating your pet obsession, you've ducked and weaved and avoided answering. You're always like that.

Enormous cash sale yesterday, so enjoyed the luxury of taking this morning off to blog, and mourn the sudden chainsaw loss of my beloved footpath tree. Must now go service a few customers. Seeyezall.

Posted by: timewarp1 at July 30, 2008 1:26 PM

Gordon.........all i feel like now is a Double Quarter Pounder and Cheese,a Doner kebab or a large pizza.........I really don't feel like more Absynthe....my head hurts..............I don't usually eat junk food...but if I'm hungover....it's a great remedy for me.

Posted by: musicteacher at July 30, 2008 12:57 PM

Thanks timewarper for the nice comments.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 30, 2008 12:57 PM

waterbomber @ 12.35 - I agree with most of what you say in that post but it must be said that there are also women who use RSVP as a playground to find men to have sex with and dump them shortly afterwards.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 30, 2008 12:54 PM

Malsi, thank you so much for sharing that story with me. I read it with some recognition, in some similar stories I have heard, in 'real life' away from RSVP.

Waterbombe thank you thank you !!! What great advice, it's much appreciated.

Your right-- I am not looking for one night stands, liars and confused men. My profile is blunt and 'straight up' for that particular reason.

In fact, I've have had only 2 men in the last 21 years. (13 years of marriage and an 8 year relationship) so I am in NO rush to make a 'donation to the cause'...LMAO !!

But I am hopeful that Love is just around the corner

Posted by: starryeyez at July 30, 2008 12:53 PM

Romance....that's right, I seem to remember what romance used to mean....that was back in the days before such wonderful concepts like 'Speed Dating' and 'Pre-nuptial Agreements' right?

How the hell can anything that could remotely be described as romance occur when it is now widely accepted that a person can find the love of their life amongst a hall full of people after a quick 5 minute conversation on god knows what can be said in 5 minutes?

At the risk of bringing down the wrath of the masses, my take on romance includes but is not limited to:

Firstly, being attracted to something in someone that isn't neccessarily obvious. An attraction that is powerful enough to make a person say and do (nice) things that might not be considered 'normal' for that person to say and do. Engaging that someone in a conversation that is enjoyably light, enlightening and informational that leads to a mutual agreement to a follow up 'date'.

Once totally ensconced in a rewarding relationship with said someone, the trick is to keep the romance relevant and fresh. This i believe is where society has now put blinkers on and can't see the forest for the trees. If the relationship truly has legs, the logical ambition is to make it permanent and hence comes the Mutual committment. To do this however, means:

* Neccessarily working long hours to save for that house, unit etc.
* Spending ever increasing time apart to achieve this and other mutual goals. (Aussies are amongst the hardest working people in the world).
* Finding ever decreasing time out to do the things that brought you and that someone together in the first place.

I hate to say it, but the 'Throw Away' society we have made for our selves has by neccessity also done away with the one crucial commodity that allows for romance to flourish - Time!

So if i was asked what the most romantic thing that i could do for, or give someone, i would have to say Time. All the rest - flowers, calls out of the blue etc. are only made possible by giving that someone your most precious of gifts - your time.

Posted by: lookin4missright2 at July 30, 2008 12:51 PM

waterbombe at July 30, 2008 12:35 PM : Well said. 100% spot on. Now warn the decent blokes who are looking for an honest long-term relationship about the sisters who are also that kind of player. If you can force your fingers to touch the appropriate keys.

Posted by: timewarp1 at July 30, 2008 12:48 PM

musicteacher at July 30, 2008 12:22 PM: Blind and delirious? What a way to go ....

Posted by: timewarp1 at July 30, 2008 12:43 PM

"It's hard to guage what is right and what is wrong. I am so out of the loop, as far as dating protocol goes :(
Posted by: starryeyez at July 30, 2008 10:53 AM"

Aren't we all?

Posted by: woodnwine at July 30, 2008 12:42 PM

Gordon at 12.01pm: I believe you, and I believe that the male dumpee's predominant emotion is usually sadness and loss.

Whereas I believe that when the dumpee is the woman, her predominant emotions are often anger and ego-hurt. (Hell hath no fury ...)

I believe that most women have always been tougher than most men. They've needed to be.

Especially in traditional societies where the men have ganged together to try to keep the often-superior sex down. Like the ancient Egyptians' response to the go-getter Israelites, thriving in their midst like a cancer.

Saw it as self-protection for a start, then got used to the power, and abused it. As you do. Power always corrupts. So I've tried never to exert any over anyone, and really related to Michael's comments about the footmarks visible on him.

PS: I've also met him, at a Brisbloggers meet in January that I co-organised, and he really is a beaut bloke. One of the best.

Posted by: timewarp1 at July 30, 2008 12:38 PM

Posted by: starryeyez at July 30, 2008 10:53 AM. I would dump these guys asap, as you did. I know from my partner who has workmates who use RSVP that some guys use RSVP as a playground, to find women to have sex with then dump shortly after. If that's your thing, then it won't be a problem, but if you don't want that, (and it sounds like you don't), be very careful. I think that if you want a man to have a really good relationship with, you ought to dump unlikelies asap, and get on with finding a decent man. There are so many people on the site that you will find a great guy. But the more time you spend on the unlikelies, the longer it will take you. Why hang around with someone you suspect is lying when you could be meeting a good guy...I agree with you absolutely, move on, don't waste your time on the suspicious ones. Even the decent-but-confused guys like Malsie mentioned will still waste your time while they sort themselves out, and you don't owe them that time...you are here to find a companion and lover for yourself, aren't you, which is what most of us want.

Shortly the blokey blokes, who are very loud and vociferous, will be on here telling you how donating some sex to charity is entirely normal and even necessary in terms of their evolution, and how unfair it is of women not to give these poor guys a shot. The blokey blokes are just thinking of themselves and their mates....they're not thinking about you. You take care of yourself.

Posted by: waterbombe at July 30, 2008 12:35 PM

Dear musicteacher. What about a bit of the hair of the dog that bit you. That could have you tickling the ivories. Regards Gordon

Posted by: gordon1951 at July 30, 2008 12:35 PM

Timewarp..........."Rodna says.."out of sight...out of mind".

Posted by: musicteacher at July 30, 2008 12:22 PM

Marcus, you chose radical extremists to present as feminists, which is a trick. if you were supporting equal rights for African Americans, say, would you quote the black extremists who argue whites can be justifiably shot? I doubt it. Just as there are differences between civil rights activists, there are differences between feminists ... there are differences among any thinking group of people. Play fair. From your posts on religion and politics, it is clear you are capable of more logical, more analytical thinking...the fact that you don't do it on this subject says more about you than it does about feminism.

Troy, I had my profile up (as a blogger only) until recently, when my partner voiced some discomfort. I too was getting emails and kisses, and it became frustrating deleting them, and seemed pointless given the fact he didn't like it. You have to ask yourself whose values matter more, your partner or the people reading the blogs? . But the real problem with the demands for a visible profile are it's senseless...a multi-profiler might have 30 visible profiles and 29 of them will not be real. The more experienced bloggers on here actually know people in person who have admitted to doing this. A profile and a photo are no guarantee that someone is who they say they are. And in the last analysis, it is the RSVP moderators who decide who blogs, not individual bloggers. None of us is the boss of the blogs, however much some people want to be.

Posted by: waterbombe at July 30, 2008 12:20 PM

TW, you asking me what I've done for feminism is like a white guy asking a black guy what he's done for racial equality. The question really does show that you have no idea.

And I'm not quite sure who is playing into the hands of their detractors...you are doing that yourself in my opinion. I mean, 2 years on this site and no relationship...why aren't you inundated with women wanting to be in relationships with you after they read what you write....you certainly write enough to give us a picture of the real you. I'm not bothered by your rudeness, I think anyone who reads your posts expects rudeness, the high moral ground, and endless private details about your love life, what you eat, where you do your laundry, and how you (don't) spend your money. Could this be why you are here year after year? Is it worth a thought?

Posted by: waterbombe at July 30, 2008 12:16 PM

Willow...........you can buy ...........just look in the Vodka section of your local liquor shop.....but,beware..... the "Green Fairy" is stronger than Vodka...I am still under it's influence from last night and have had to cancel my students today..BrrrrrP! pardon moir!

Posted by: musicteacher at July 30, 2008 12:02 PM

If a break-up in a marriage is initiated by the woman, very few men ever get over it. How can I say that I am a single man.. run gordon there coming. Gordon

Posted by: gordon1951 at July 30, 2008 12:01 PM

MT @11.26 - can you still buy that stuff? Or was it homemade?

Posted by: willow29 at July 30, 2008 11:37 AM

starryeyez - my experience with something similar to what you were writing about was with the last relationship I had with someone who moved from interstate to where I am now (not just to be with me, but it was a sort of catalyst). At the time we were in contact before he came over and met me (and just stayed..) he was living out in the granny flat at his ex partner's house.
He used to chat online with me every night in the lounge room in view of his ex (who he had apparently split up with 6 months previously in a romantic relationship way, and were now just friends). He seemed to think she was perfectly fine with this, and I had my doubts, separated or not...

It turned out ultimately she was disturbed by it, and quite soon - within 3 weeks - he'd moved over here anyway. I didn't doubt his honesty about them actually not being romantically or sexually involved any more (and I still don't doubt that). However, she continued to stay in his life on an almost daily basis for the next 6 months that our relationship lasted (and still does now, now he's with someone new). She still did and said things as if they were together, and it drove me insane - seemed like way too much intimacy, even though not of the sexual kind. He never understood my problem with it.
In conclusion (yes, there is one!) I think it would have been far better if he'd had a good, clean break far earlier. Just saying they were split up hadn't really broken the ties enough, to my way of thinking. Also he most certainly, in my opinion, carried the arguments and problems he'd had with her right into our relationship and projected them on to me. I firmly believe that, although he has never agreed that was the case. He just hadn't had time to work it all through in his head yet, I don't think.

Posted by: malsie at July 30, 2008 11:36 AM

Hi Musicteacher - glad your love has arrived safely and soundly! Hope you have a lovely day feeling all his nuances and getting to know each other.

Starryeyes: Thank you! I know where you're coming from - a "potential" from when I first started here accidently mentioned his wife. It was the first time I've actually said "P*** off then". As Catherine Tate would say " What a f****g liberty" hehe.

We (you and I) share a couple of "sports" in common. I might email you and swap notes on one of them :)

Posted by: willow29 at July 30, 2008 11:36 AM

musicteacher at July 30, 2008 11:26 AM : Wise man Confucius say "Absynthe make the heart grow fonder."

Posted by: timewarp1 at July 30, 2008 11:35 AM

Posted by: waterbombe at July 30, 2008 9:48 AM
There is no such thing as "true" anything, Woody...is there "true" religion, "true" science, "true" gardening.... see what I mean?

Any powerful idea is absolutely fascinating and absolutely useless until we choose to use it
The gardening part is easy

Posted by: forevernow1 at July 30, 2008 11:34 AM

.OOOOpppps..........August Forster,not Robert Foster.............sorry,I am hungover(rare for me)..........indulged in a little Absynthe last night with my Czech teacher and his brother!

Posted by: musicteacher at July 30, 2008 11:26 AM

laughsandtalks at July 30, 2008 10:40 AM : I think you meant Gloria Steinem, but isn't she right? More's the pity - they're playing into the hands of their detractors. Like some here.

Posted by: timewarp1 at July 30, 2008 11:23 AM

Good Morning Folks!

Today,the new love of my life will arrive!

Granted he is 80 years of age,and only 5 foot 3..........but what a beauty...................

Apart from the fact that he has aged beautifully,not a wrinlke(or scratch) to be seen.and he has 6 legs rather than 3,with superb brass fittings....

Perfect condition,with the original Ivory and Ebony.............I have butterlfies in my stomach.............

This baby was made in Lobau,German company(Robert Forster).but when the company started hand making these fine instruments,they worked in what is now referred to as the Czech Republic.

What can say..........i am in love and can't wait to get my hands and fingers on him...................

Have a musical day!

Posted by: musicteacher at July 30, 2008 10:59 AM

Hello Willow, I love reading your posts...lol Posted by: willow29 at July 30, 2008 10:22 AM

I think Gordon was referring to my post
Posted by: starryeyez at July 30, 2008 9:12 AM

I would never want to offend anybody on these Blogs or on RSVP....but your right it might be intructive for them to read these comments. And may I add I communicated my shock of this new information, especially to the first chap mentioned...lol. He looked right back at me in shock, as to why I thought it was so strange, that he still lived with his ex wife.

I mean come on, is this acceptable?

I guess what I was trying to say and why I was asking for help, in my post below, is that I am new at all this. It's hard to guage what is right and what is wrong. I am so out of the loop, as far as dating protocol goes :(

Posted by: starryeyez at July 30, 2008 10:53 AM

PS to WB: My truncated final question to you at 9.26am (typically left unanswered at 9.48am) had been prompted by the thought that your frequent ascerbic outpourings on this topic must surely be alienating many of the as-yet uncommitted potential feminists who read your words in this place.

Is that so, fellers? Please give her some helpful feedback. Is she converting you to feminism with typical posts like 7.26am?
.............................................................

So I was wondering, WB, if you were doing something more positive and helpful for feminism, in other places where you seek to have influence, or at least exposure?

Posted by: timewarp1 at July 30, 2008 10:46 AM

Thanks willow29, but I dought it. The most lecherous males here are all married? But look on the bright side. There is a small group 6 ( read SIX) of us who are great supportive friends, are between 50-60 and are all single(read never married). must be something in the water. So come on all you lovely ladies there is some virginity to be broken here. he he Love gordon

Posted by: gordon1951 at July 30, 2008 10:41 AM

OK the second half of my previous post- perhaps ourmod will join them?

Quotes

"I feel that 'man-hating' is an honourable and viable political act, that the oppressed have a right to class-hatred against the class that is oppressing them." -- Robin Morgan, Ms. Magazine Editor
"Rape is nothing more or less than a conscious process of intimidation by which all men keep all women in a state of fear" - Susan Brownmiller
"In a patriarchal society, all heterosexual intercourse is rape because women, as a group, are not strong enough to give meaningful consent."
"Men who are unjustly accused of rape can sometimes gain from the experience."

Consider this from Gloria Steinhardt. She say it all.
Feminism is a religion of victimhood, and you can’t be a victim unless you have a victimizer. Feminism works very hard to portray men as violent and to be feared. If that isn’t hate, I don’t know what is. Feminism long ago retreated into its shell, dismissing all criticism as a misogynistic backlash -- which is why it is more like a cult, a cabalistic inner circle, these days than the intellectual and political force for change it could and should have been. The sisters simply don't listen anymore to anyone who doesn't sign up 100 per cent to the catechism.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at July 30, 2008 10:40 AM

There most certainly is true science or true gardening in the practical as well as idealistic sense. In the practical sense you can plant or weed or construct in a garden or conduct a survey or other experiment in science. In the idealistic, solipcistic sense everything in the universe is a product of your mind, and is only there if you are able to percieve it. I doubt there is true feminism in any practical useful sense, perhaps as an idealistic construct. There are idealistic feminists though and face to face their ideals and attitudes are unpleasant and ideas irrational and implacably anti male
There is a lot of quacking about feminism here but no clear understanding of what is meant. There is afirmative action, 'the women's movement', 'women's lib' (remember that?) equal opportunity and so on. There have been many significant women who raised social consciousness on issues, Pankhurst's, Chisholms, Greer even but were buoyed and carried by an organic social change groundswell of women and men to the point in most facets of life there is at least the notion of equal opportunity, and to suggest otherwise to many intelligent women you risk being dismissed.
Idealistic feminism is not any of or much of that though.
Consider these quotes.

Posted by: laughsandtalks at July 30, 2008 10:33 AM

No worries WnW, I know you only mentioned it out of concern, for which I am grateful :)

Gordon: Its awful to think that people we discuss might actually be reading the blogs! On the other hand, it might be instructive for them!

Posted by: willow29 at July 30, 2008 10:22 AM

Posted by: waterbombe at July 30, 2008 7:26 AM

I suppose WB he may not say it as I did, until recently and for quite some time, have my prifile up. Yes, I, as you, much prefer not to as, no matter what one says on their profile one continues to be kissed and emailed. Maybe some people are dumb, think you are using it as a means to attract interest or are just doing it on spec. I don't know but I was bombarded and got over it, was just deleting without reply in the end so thought enough. I have blogged hidden, and indeed am now, as I believe, by putting my profile up from time to time I establish my bona fides. In this we are different and so is the comparison. It's not a male female thing and I strongly suspect that was what you were attempting to make it.

Lynath, you think it sad that men don't relate as women do. I think OG summed it up exactly right. What to do?

Woody, you are absolutely correct about the separated status and it's financial implications. I also have to ask. If the relationship is over and the required waiting period to divorce is 12 months, why would you not take this step? Why would you stay technically married to this person? People come up with all sorts of excuses such as "what difference will it make"?, or, "it's for financial reasons". I say it makes all the difference and you are not truely moving on until there is complete closure. I went out with a lovely lady who had no intention of divorcing, had been separated for 4 years, our sons were mates through sport so we sort of fell into a sort of relationship. Very touchy feely unless sons or husband and her mutual friends about then was distant. Husband came over for dinner 3 nights a week (he was in a relationship). I said too hard as I'm looking for something to grow whilst she enjoyed this sort of stasis. She was really upset at me, couldn't understand the issue...well duh and today won't talk to me....no loss.

Troy

Posted by: troyohboy at July 30, 2008 10:18 AM

waterbombe at July 30, 2008 9:48 AM: I call a spade a spade. If you thought I was being rude to accurately describe your usual behaviour at 9.26am, I'm very comfortable with that.

Next!

Posted by: timewarp1 at July 30, 2008 10:11 AM

Stareyes 30 july. As a single person who runs a bowling club bar, I have a good insight into 'divorced-seperated, coz everybody talks to the barman. I would be very wary of some of these people. Hope none are on this blog or I could be in deep sh...it. Gordon

Posted by: gordon1951 at July 30, 2008 10:09 AM

willow29 - if you've done your financial settlement then all is good, I assumed you hadn't done one because you didn't mention it and it's kind of important. Good luck in finding someone.

waterbomber - the point I was making about feminism is that some women seem to want the benefits but not the responsibilities. That's what I meant about all or nothing. I agree with you about the "true" comment .... everything is open to individual interpretation. True gardening is an interesting concept though ......

Posted by: woodnwine at July 30, 2008 9:59 AM

oldergent at July 30, 2008 8:06 AM: I always paid the Qld Award to new employees, with a salary review every 3 months, and a small rise each time for being a profitable employee.

My 45ish female book-keeper/secretary/P.A. was always my highest-paid employee, and frequently in charge of the other 4 + casuals in the 80s and 2 + casuals in the late 90s, whenever I was upstate, interstate or overseas on business.

The others were paid as above irrespective of gender. A person's hidden plumbing has nothing to do with their profitability to an employer (well, in my industry ....) so it has nothing to do with their right to an appropriate wage or Christmas bonus, which I also paid in good years.

In the 3 worst years out of the 15, I paid myself less than any of my employees - down to $2 an hour in '92, for an 85-hour week. (Yes - I always signed in and out in the same time book.)

It wasn't their fault we were in a recession, and as the business owner, I always saw myself as the remainder man.

Which they appreciated. One memorable day in 1991 the 5 full-timers called for a meeting with me, and asked me if it would be OK for them to go on a 4-day week for 4 days pay, so there'd be something left to pay me each week. How could I say no?

Robert, I have no guilt about my performance as a model employer/trainer/staff developer. My "graduates" are spread out in competitors' businesses from here to Perth, and have pushed a lot of "too-hard" and therefore profitable business my way, over the years. I'm a good picker.

Posted by: timewarp1 at July 30, 2008 9:55 AM

staryeyez - everyone has to go through seperation before they can even apply for a divorce and some people move on faster emotionally than others do. Also, circumstances differ greatly .... some seperations may be sudden e.g. if one partner finds the other cheating (this could take a long time to move on from) and some may have been brewing for a long time (maybe years) so by the time people actually seperate they are well and truly over their ex already. I suggest open communication is the key here and if the other person isn't happy being fully open about their seperation then be suspicious. If everything looks OK, then give them a go .... they are just people trying to move on with their lives.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 30, 2008 9:54 AM

WnW - thank you for your concern but why do you think we haven't had a financial settlement?

Posted by: willow29 at July 30, 2008 9:48 AM

There is no such thing as "true" anything, Woody...is there "true" religion, "true" science, "true" gardening.... see what I mean? And also, in real life nothing is all or nothing....nothing is absolute. That doesn't mean that everything is completely relative, though.

TW, have you considered that you are rude, and it's one of the things that puts women off you? Just a thought.

Posted by: waterbombe at July 30, 2008 9:48 AM

Ah .... but what does true feminism encompass? Really? And can it be selective or is it all or nothing?

Posted by: woodnwine at July 30, 2008 9:27 AM

waterbombe at July 30, 2008 7:26 AM : You've got your spiked collar on early this morning ma'am!

I don't own one, or any barrow except hoping that everyone will be as nice as possible to everyone equally, and trying to model that behaviour. So I'll humour your impertinent hubristic inquisition:

I was the first in my industry in Australia to employ a female as a phone sales person (in 1989), and from then till I sold my first business in 1999, always had one male and one female at the front counter, which was a long hutch in front of 2 desks with 2 sales phones.

At first, most customers assumed she was just a receptionist/switch operator, and many actually politely refused to explain their needs to a female. "I'll hang on to talk to a bloke, girlie." It's a very blokey industry, so I have only about one female customer in a hundred.

I taught Tanya to say "The salesman" (who was part-aboriginal, and she was the daughter of two East European migrants - 2 cases of me taking affirmative action on behalf of disadvantaged minorities) "is on another call. To save his time, please give me the details, so he'll be looking at them as he finishes his previous call."

When she got the details, she'd ask a further technical question, and they'd say "How did you know that?"

"Well, I'm in sales too, but you wanted to talk to a bloke." That usually fixed them, often with a wry giggle, but I had to buy in once and tell a Yugoslav grunt that I chose who'd work for me, and if he wanted to be sexist, he could take his business elsewhere. I was actually very glad to be rid of him at last. Pig of a man.

What have you done for feminism yourself, WB,

Posted by: timewarp1 at July 30, 2008 9:26 AM

willow29 - I understand that you have moved on and don't need a piece of paper to allow you to get on with your life but ...... do you realise that you are NOT financially independant? Your ex can take you to court anytime he/she feels inclined and seek the financial settlement that you haven't looked into yet. If you think you don't need to because he/she wouldn't do that ..... think again. Their circumstances may change. They could meet someone who demands they sort it out or who wants part of the house/unit you are happily living in. They could go bankrupt and you might be liable to meet their costs as you are still legally tied to them financially .... pretty scary stuff. Go and see a solicitor today.

Of course this needn't worry anyone you might meet as you have emotionally moved on but they wouldn't want to ever co-habit with you until you've done your financial settlement or their money/assets could also become involved when your ex or their new partner finally decides they want part of what you've got. Don't believe me? Talk to other people who've had to face these diabolical situations.

Seperated people are definitely worth meeting so long as they have moved on emotionally and are actually living apart from their exes but moving in with them could be a problem.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 30, 2008 9:20 AM

About the term 'Separated' and the use of it on RSVP

I want to thank the experienced Bloggers for opening my eyes to this. I have read and re-read some of your comments with great interest. BTW can somebody tell me, is there more about this topic elsewhere in the other Blogs? I would love to read more on the subject.

I have had 2 very unusual experiences in regards to 'Seperated' RSVP'ers. One chap I was corresponding with in April, wrote me email after email. Great emails, volumes, novellas...lol. We corresponded for 6 weeks before we met, via email and phone, He had told me he was seperated and that he and his wife were going to the Solicitors for a 'Seperation Agreement' He had businesses in 4 states and she had been a part owner, or trustee of sorts. Fair enough, no problems there, I felt it was none of my business, but thanked him for sharing that info. Now mind you, I had his mobile phone, his work phone and home phone numbers.

But on our actual first dinner date, he casually mentioned that he and his wife were sharing the same house. I was like WTF, when, how, why, was this not mentioned before?? He was quite adament that of course he had mentioned it, but I somehow must have forgotten. I went back home and re-read all the emails and of course, NOTHING had been mentioned of this. Oh well, that was the end of that. I promptly told hiom to hit the road.

Another man, almost the same thing. We corrsponded, he seemed nice, so after 2 weeks we met. Same thing over dinner, he told me he and his ex-wife had seperate residences, but not to worry as they lived on acreage. They saw each other daily, the kids floated between house to house and she apparently had a boyfriend living with her there. Once again, I thought to myself, this is all too weird.

With both these men I ended communication, as soon as I heard these stories. Did I do the right thing? Or was I too hasty in making my decision?

Any help, comments, or advice would be great. I am still fumbling around in the dark here.

Posted by: starryeyez at July 30, 2008 9:12 AM

I thought I would take a look at what all the fuss was about so
ERAL I took a look at your profile.
The first of your photos you look remarkably like a young Alan Rickman (Hans in the original Die Hard movie)
and the second one you look like Midge Ure of Ultravox.
Both are big compliments to you.
As for your profile blurb, well I 'get' that sense of humour. Cheeky & funny.

Posted by: egernia at July 30, 2008 9:07 AM

"WnW - I disagree a tad - the 'kids' can and are often used as weapons long after settlement. How many times has the 'ex' (on either side) determined they the can't pick up the kids just before you're about to leave or a weekend away with your new partner at the last minute?
Posted by: heart2heart57 at July 30, 2008 8:32 AM"

And having a piece of paper with Divorce printed on it changes this how?

Posted by: woodnwine at July 30, 2008 8:58 AM

Regarding "separated": For some people, they manage "closure" without the paperwork or are happy to wait until it's necessary to sign forms. In my case, my ex is 500km away - havent seen him since the day he left. I am financially and emotionally independent and have no problem moving on. Im sure there are many others in a similar situation. Don't be put off by "separated". Often its more honest than other descriptors.

TW: I think ERAL's profile is hilarious too, even the part about the cat (which is now gone). Its very clever in that it shows creativity and humour without actually telling you who he is."Who was that masked man?"!

ERAL @5.57 - thank you xx

Posted by: willow29 at July 30, 2008 8:55 AM

oldergent at July 30, 2008 12:02 AM : Oh Robert, I'm blushing! No-one has called me whiz-bang OR handsome since I was 25. Thank you thank you! You've already made my day, before breakfast.

Posted by: timewarp1 at July 30, 2008 8:33 AM

WnW - I disagree a tad - the 'kids' can and are often used as weapons long after settlement. How many times has the 'ex' (on either side) determined they the can't pick up the kids just before you're about to leave or a weekend away with your new partner at the last minute?

Posted by: heart2heart57 at July 30, 2008 8:32 AM

Thank you WnW for your interesting blog. You are all making me feel much better about myself for never being married. Just to keep on the subject, I am a romantic old fart. Sorry again OG and TW. Love gordon

Posted by: gordon1951 at July 30, 2008 8:17 AM

TW@ 11.25 pm.
You have taken the high moral ground, again. Answer one simple question for me.

Did you ever pay in you business career less to a female than a male employee?

Cheers OG.

Posted by: oldergent at July 30, 2008 8:06 AM

Posted by: oldergent at July 29, 2008 11:17 PM

Very apt!

Posted by: brilliantblue at July 30, 2008 7:59 AM

"I just see it as kind of sad that there are people out there that get their jollies by stirring up other people, but never have the guts to let themselves be known.
Posted by: heart2heart57 at July 30, 2008 12:08 AM"
I think most of us agree.

Regarding the term seperated - if anyone is in doubt just ask:
1. How long have you been seperated?
2. Do you LIVE seperately and for how long?
3. Do you have a court signed financial settlement?
Then make your judgement. In my mind the financial settlement is the important thing because it means the ex has no financial recourse, divorce paper or not. There are many people out there that are divorced but their ex still has a financial claim over them.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 30, 2008 7:31 AM

Posted by: laughsandtalks at July 29, 2008 11:38 PM
Goodness Marcus, take a Valium before you implode. We wouldn't want all those sperms with nowhere to go. And when your blood pressure is stable again, type the same thing to Troyohboy - he doesn't have a visible profile either and for the same reason.

TW, you really just do not get it ...here you are claiming all this credit for your feminist sympathies and everything you quoted was done by a woman!!! What have YOU done to increase equality between men and women? (Having female relatives who have done something does not count!).

And you learned a lot of feminist theory because your wife READ it to you. You diidn't read it yourself. So a woman went to the considerable time and effort of getting all those ideas sorted out, and when she had done all that work you received it, "pre-digested". You sat on your bottom and listened, TW...how much effort did that take compared to the effort your wife made to read and understand everything first? That's the point.

Posted by: waterbombe at July 30, 2008 7:26 AM

Good morning to all you wonderful bloggers. Being new to the sand pit, I learnt my first lesson last night. "don't blog if you have had to much to drink". Thank you oldgent for your comment. I think I agree. Junebaby57 some of us are retired. Everybody please have a lovely day. Gordon

Posted by: gordon1951 at July 30, 2008 7:13 AM

Waternymph47 @ 4.52 pm

You'll be delighted to know my daughter is coming over for lunch tomorrow ... my quiet persistence got there in the end.

WN I am so pleased for you, I hope everything goes well. How did you manage to arrange the reconciliation lunch (if I'm not being too nosy).

Posted by: maestrac at July 30, 2008 12:21 AM

Yep - WoodnWine - there's genuine people around, and just as many fakeroonies too. A mate ended up going on a date with someone, and immediately left when they met - the photo she used was of a completely different person. I guess, in the end, you can fake all you like but the proof of the pudding is always in the eating. Unless, of course, you just like blogging and bullshiting your way through life, and never intend to meet anyone in the first place. Each to their own, but it kinda defeats the purpose of joining RSVP and blogging away in what is an interesting extension to the original RSVP - there's plenty of blog sites that people can use to vent whatever it is they want to.

I just see it as kind of sad that there are people out there that get their jollies by stirring up other people, but never have the guts to let themselves be known.

To err is human, to forgive is divine. But some people seem to push that to the limit...

Posted by: heart2heart57 at July 30, 2008 12:08 AM

joyfuldelite at July 29, 2008 8:29 PM

you're welcome..from one enthusiastic person to another..!!

ERAL..merci.. (blows x)

WB..glad you like the name..love your spirit..

Jen.. don't worry..ERAL will accept it in the spirit that it was intended :) nw..

Posted by: naturalwoman08 at July 30, 2008 12:05 AM

eatsrootsandleaves at July 29, 2008 10:10 PM: Your profile fine print is fine with me. I think it's hilarious, and those who are alarmed that it isn't within 50 leagues (350 miles) of true, have no proper sense of the ridiculous.

If I had a second RSVP name, I'd run an outrageous profile on the second, and see what the kiss-pulling power of fantasy was, compared with dreary old reality.

Posted by: timewarp1 at July 30, 2008 12:04 AM

Lynath @ 8.20 pm.
Chris, believe it or not men do cry, do let the emotions go. The difference is that they usually do not do it in front of other men or in public.
Occasionally, very occasionally I have had good mates going through a crisis in their lives and they have broken down in my presence. A couple were suicidal one turned very nasty and threatening. But in these cases after the breakdown the relationship of being mates was gone, never the same and they distanced themselves.
That to me is the difference in men, women will want attention in their troubles, men (well most men) tend to keep it a lot more private. It does not mean that the emotion is not there.

BM, you should know the faceless ones would attack you on that sort of post, not everyone has your openess and generosity of spirit. Gee you must know some dispicable characters. lol

ERAL @ 10.10 pm.
Ugly , old and desperate! Why do people pick on me all the time? But then if you whiz bang handsome types took yourselves out of here, I would have a chance, that goes for you too TW.

Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at July 30, 2008 12:02 AM

waterlily58 at July 29, 2008 9:45 PM: If you meet someone and then he goes to the pub with his mates and runs you down, you probably will never know. And he probably sees it as practicing for when he's married.

I suggest don't stress. Think of this as a fancy-dress party, where most of the people come in disguise. And some come with disguised personalities too. Except for boring old farts like me - with us, wysiwyg.

Posted by: timewarp1 at July 29, 2008 11:57 PM

I guess it doesn't really matter what opinion one has or how unemotional, broad or general, someone will take exception to it. I think I qualified my previous comment to indicate that I understand there are all sorts of reasons why people have not taken the next step from separated. I am just a cautious person. I would not want to find myself involved with someone who was really still in the throws of separating. I would like to be able to enjoy a romance without any drama from a previous relationship. I sure that most guys would feel the same. So, sorry if I was misunderstood.

Posted by: aquamanda56 at July 29, 2008 11:47 PM

waterbeetle at July 29, 2008 6:20 PM
" Eral's profile raises some serious reservations for me. It is very very weird."

No doubt the Sydney wombat is relieved to that you have taste differences and are apparently not planning to accost him too.

Such irony in the above quote too. I suggest that your lack of a profile might be the real credibility issue for most people when they come across your vociferous urgings and the uncredited comments, rubbish or otherwise, of other bottom dwellers.
People understand intuitively that it takes no balls or hard resolve and that there is no accountability to noisily trying to direct proceedings or play a role from offstage with a bullhorn. In fact trying to establish credibility and enjoy kudos here without having to accept the consequences, occasional public recognition, perhaps the opprobrium and sometimes angst, is parasitic, a form of dishonesty and a theft of the courage and effort honest bloggers put into a sometimes quite risky pastime.

Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at July 29, 2008 11:38 PM

I think those of us in the know should warn people who seem to be too trusting. Call it community spirit.

Posted by: waterbombe at July 29, 2008 8:05 PM

you are so right WB..don't want to say too much..but had that experience tonight with a rsvper..we had been e-mailing for a few days..one has to be very careful..instead of going with my gut feeling..i gave the person the benefit of the doubt for a change.. until i was sure..now i am sure..!!

never again..one really can never drop their guard..not here anyway..gosh..that
gut instinct..is such a reliable radar..it really deserves more respect than it is given at times..thank God it doesn't happen very often..but when it does..what a reality check..

it's a real shame..going off the tangent..but i am not really a suspicious person by nature..but i'm not a fool either..just that things have to be spelled out to me at times..unless their blatantly obvious..but since being here and reading the more seasoned bloggers comments..
am beginning to respect their comments and observations even more so..there is such a wealth of experience here..we may not always agree..but Thank God Your Here!!..nw

Posted by: naturalwoman08 at July 29, 2008 11:27 PM

thelynathdiary at July 29, 2008 8:32 PM: Yes, blogfriends of course. I have overtly supported and lauded your excellent mind and values regularly and consistently for well over 6 months. You are a good egg.

But in this exchange you are sounding just like WB - getting seriously into malebashing just for the sake of male-bashing, it seems to me. Just so as to push THAT barrow some more.

I'll try to put it very simply, and I hope that doesn't insult you, as well as your intelligence. Quoting yours just then:

"you (TW) said 'I was all for feminism at first, till I saw it change as it became more widespread.' which made me smile. Once you realised it would bring changes, you suddenly didn't want it"

TLD, that statement came straight out of your personal gender politics, not my head.

My ex was a great reader, and preced the early feminist authors for me. I listened to her for 30 to 60 minutes a day, and learned a lot on many topics from her reading, from her 30-something-aged evening upgrading from a one-year-trained teacher to 4-year (B.Ed. with honours and a high GPA) and from her experiences and colleague discussions at work.

I was immediately and am still in complete agreement with the hoped-for removal of the traditional paternalist gender bias that gave females lower wages for similar or harder or more distasteful work, and gave reject male old-boys-network bludgers preference in promotion over bright useful productive females.

My bossy Sydney girl cousin topped each year of the Pharmacy course in the mid 1940s, and then was failed in final year. Three times. Because the Pharmacy Board didn't want to let women in. She appealed the third, there was a public stink, and she was re-evaluated and passed with all distinctions, as in the lower years.

Sold her pharmacy at Balgowlah when she retired in the 90s. She's one of my feminist heroes, like my dad's younger sister (and much later my mum's elder brother's wife) who was the first female sergeant in the Australian Army, and later 2iC of Concord Military Hospital.

And my mum's aunt who was the only female employee in Qld Railways over 100 years ago. She was their typist, in her own room at Central Station with 2 doors - hers to enter from the street, and the internal door, to which only the Chief Clerk had a key. She had to use the passengers' female toilet.

So stop putting your stereotypes on me, person!
............................................................

"and you have to admit it sounds patronising....as a man you tolerated it at first as though it was your right to approve or not! And then the stereotypical feminism= bad influence/ bad women ..."

Yawn. Rave on, person.

I really believe that some of the 'Ockerettes' (I prefer 'She-grunts', myself) heard about feminism as being able to be equal to men, but they took as their models the self-indulgent men that they associated with, and tried to match their most obvious behaviours. What's your explanation for this deplorable development?
.......................................................

"and in a separate post somewhere a 'let's blame the women for men's poor behaviour...they led them to it (whores) instead of civilising them(God's Police)." rather than let both genders accept responsibility for their actions."

That's defamatory, especially in this place, and I'm not amused. Copy and paste my exact words in context from the relevant archived blog, with complete attribution to prove it, or wash your typing fingers out with soap, and when you have clean hands, type me an apology.

Posted by: timewarp1 at July 29, 2008 11:25 PM

Gordon 1951@ 1.47 pm.
you had better get used to the condom, it has been unreliably reported to me that the Government is going to change the Federal coat of arms to a Red, White and blue Condom, apparently it more accurately reflets the governments political stance.
A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while your actually being screwed.
Now it doesn't get much more accurate than that.
Being somewhat of a cynic I am waiting for confirmation, but it sounds pretty accurate on present indications.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at July 29, 2008 11:17 PM

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at July 29, 2008 10:10 PM - Well said!

Posted by: aqueousdb66 at July 29, 2008 11:17 PM

don't you guys work during the day?? Heaps to read. Have just come home from working in darwin, and it is sooo cold here!!!
Waterlily, lots of bloggers have met thru blog meets, like Kaz, Brilliant and Waterbombe have mentioned. The blog meest are organised by bloggers, using stamps, they are not organised by rsvp.
I have been to one in melbourne, where i met about 8 other bloggers, two in sydney(mentioned by brilliant), where we had about 30, and one in brisbane recently..
I can say that I never expected to make female friends by being on rsvp, but I have made some really close friends thru blogging and meeting up, which then moved into friendships.
And woodnwine is real and a perfect gentleman!!!!
Have a lovely if cold evening all...jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at July 29, 2008 10:53 PM

JD - if you are in touch with any other bloggers, you'll find that there are often get-togethers between bloggers that are sometimes publicised on the blogs. We even have them in Brisbane and (almost) anyone is welcome. They are usually a lot of fun.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 29, 2008 10:19 PM

"I supppose it is that element of deceipt that I find hard to deal with. As you mentioned, what could a truly nasty person get up to, if using the blogs for their own agenda/amusement?
Posted by: waterlily58 at July 29, 2008 10:06 PM"
Just read back over some of the blogs and you'll see what they get up to ..... the evidence is (mostly) there.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 29, 2008 10:16 PM

joyfuldelite@7.50pm: Thank you for your endorsement......yes! we WILL meet sometime soon in the future I hope.Life has been crazy for me lately since I embarked on a new lifestyle: Gliding lessons,choral work and Japanese.I'm meeting new people and it's working fine.Lots less hassle than looking/hoping to meet a genuine man (on RSVP) who isn't going to treat me as a mushroom..............
bm1960@9.10pm.Sounds like you met some of the fellows that I have :-)

Posted by: kurli at July 29, 2008 10:11 PM

thelynathdairy - maybe you could give this "grand gesture" quest a break. When I do things for partners I don't do it as any grand gesture, nor do I expect anything in return .... if I'm with the right type of person things just fall into place ..... and the fact is MANY women don't like people interfering when they are cooking so I offer rather than just stepping in. If you like someone to just barge in and start helping with the cooking then that's fine ...... for you, but I'd suggest not for most (as seen in other people's blogs); and I do think it's a nice "gesture" to clear up for someone who's just taken the time to prepare you a nice meal. Maybe you're just being dificult with me just to be difficult? If you are, no problem .... I promise not to sulk.
waterlilly - never take anyone on the internet at face value .... sad but true. They can write anything they like in a profile and many people do. Of course many people are delightfully honest too so just take care and sort them out for yourself. Yes, anyone can blog under as many names as they like and every known logger on here could have multiple blogging profiles that no one knows about.
oohlala - I'm always dating.
waterbomber and others - I'd suggest seperated people should be given a fair go. What I look for is the financial seperation .... that's the cruncher, the divorce is just a piece of paper and many people don't bother with it for many years or at least until they've found someone new that they want to settle down with. A piece of paper with divorce written at the top doesn't guarantee fidelity.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 29, 2008 10:11 PM

Eral's profile raises some serious reservations for me. It is very very weird.
Posted by: waterbombe at July 29, 2008 6:20 PM
Ohh I believe i misunderstood you.
First, the pictures are current and definitely me . ( except for the longer hair which was taken a year ago )
Second, I don't have any 'problems' finding dates - why should that concern you very very muchly? ...
OR are you saying that the only people who should be here, are either too ugly, too old, or very desperate ?
Get with the times !
There are some seriously beautiful people on RSVP ! ( you know who you are )

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at July 29, 2008 10:10 PM

Posted by: bm1960 at July 29, 2008 9:10 PM

I often think that weak, needy men go for the independent woman, just so there will be a 'little woman' to take care of them and all of their problems. Not in this little black duck's agenda, either, bm!

Posted by: waterlily58 at July 29, 2008 10:08 PM

Posted by: waterbombe at July 29, 2008 8:05 PM

I supppose it is that element of deceipt that I find hard to deal with. As you mentioned, what could a truly nasty person get up to, if using the blogs for their own agenda/amusement?

Posted by: waterlily58 at July 29, 2008 10:06 PM

Wheres Marcus and Aqueous tonight? Maybe the date was brought forward. lol.
Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at July 29, 2008 10:03 PM

grego.....I think you know I will tolerate to a certain degree until it hits nonsense...then my conscience takes over. with my own nonsensical waffle ..:-) You seem to be a lovely man.
Here is my decree.......keep it to yourself (not you greg) until you work out what it is you want to declare......and I truly wish I could practice what I preach.....actually...I may have been hit in the face by what I just said.....time I did just that....
Cheers,
B.

Posted by: bm1960 at July 29, 2008 9:51 PM

Posted by: brilliantblue at July 29, 2008 7:44 PM
I was referring to actually KNOWING that these people do not go home, after meeting you and being nice and friendly, and start blogging away under different profiles.
How do you know that the people you met up with are not all laughing their guts out at you, while they are blogging away under these aliases?

Posted by: waterlily58 at July 29, 2008 9:45 PM

Posted by: bm1960 at July 29, 2008 9:10 PM
Whole heartedly agree.....reminds me back a few months (think in what are you searching for).. a great post from Applesryum....said her piece, anted up and put her profile back up for a couple of days so as not to hide in anonymity........courage of her convictions, and not scared to own her comments......... i use this by way of example only because it was the first time I saw someone show their profile with no other real reason to.........oh if you are still with us, hope the Munchkins and new beau are all good....just in case you have visited once more.....

Posted by: spanky668 at July 29, 2008 9:42 PM

WOW I have been away for a couple of hours at the bowling club running the bar and the Sh***it has really hit the fan. Aquamanda and bm1960 don't try us always single blokes. We are a bit weird. I must admit my profile is as honest as i can get. Where is all the love gone. Maybe I am in the wrong place. But I do love you all. gordon Sorry OG

Posted by: gordon1951 at July 29, 2008 9:38 PM

Just before I take my bromide. Bm1960, NONE of the bloggers can influence who posts on here. Anyone can do it if the moderators let it through. Deciding who posts is their job, not yours or mine. So there is no point in talking about who should or shouldn't be allowed to post, unless you are a moderator...if you are a blogger, you just have to live with their decisions.

Posted by: waterbombe at July 29, 2008 9:34 PM

I would agree with the comment that 'separated' often means married. As far as sending or replying to kisses on here from men with their status of "separated" I send the thanks but no thanks reply. I do have a couple of male friends though, who have been separated for several years but haven't done anything about getting divorced and for varying reasons, one of them being is that they can't remarry. I think my ex probably wouldn't have made the move to getting divorced but I felt the loose ends needed tidying. So...... hey I received an email today wishing me happy birthday for yesterday from someone I have never had contact with before or even seen in profiles....very strange

Posted by: aquamanda56 at July 29, 2008 9:30 PM

Greg, a cup of tea with a scone and jam is much more preferable you know.....K

Posted by: auntykaz at July 29, 2008 9:26 PM

Holy mackeral! I come back onto the romance blog and the place is full of estrogen.
Methinks it is time, Ladies , for your cup of tea laced with bromide to calm all you very delectable beauties down.
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at July 29, 2008 9:11 PM

I am not sure this is the right blog to ask this question...but it does sort of refer to romance....as in honesty.....I have met males from here who have obviously , and then face to face...lied about their age, then they confess about their tribe of children (not on their profile).....then they tell tales about bankruptcy, insane pasts, chronic illnesses etc...no faith from this little balck duck no more....
I am not saying I won't support a friend in need, but to take on a person in need is a different story, especially when they 'advertise' without full disclosure.
What is on my profile is me.....I am a goose, I love life, I have one kid and I live for music and fun and I love my family.....(I have no diagnosed physical or mental problems...yet..:-)...)
I guess, what I want to say is, 'no bull'......that is why I like to see a profile from bloggers..if you have enough heart to make a post...stand by it...show yourself, as most of us do. Nonsensical, fake and inflammatory posts just upset people and it should not be allowed. I stand by that.
Cheers,
B

Posted by: bm1960 at July 29, 2008 9:10 PM

waterlily58 - you could take that further in the fact that a lot of rsvpers also have profiles on other sites. If we start going out with someone there really has to be that surety somehow as to whether or not they have broken contact on those sites. I suppose once again it all comes down to our feelings and intuition with those we connect with.
I really can't be stuffed trawling other sites. Looked at a couple ages ago. Put my profile on one on a free trial thing, but still come back to RSVP. It's the easiest to use and I still think the best of the lot. That just reminded me I must go and take my profile off there, haven't even looked at the site for a couple of months.
I think most of us know whose genuine here, and if anyone did hook up it certainly would be between genuine bloggers.
Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at July 29, 2008 8:54 PM

Amber, I think 'separated' often means married. Also, even if they are genuinely separated, the guy hasn't got through a lot of grief in one year, and probably he just needs to bonk around a bit for a while...best he does that with recently separated women. They need each other. I think it depends what you need yourself... if just something casual that won't be a struggle, separated guys would be ok as long as you didn't get attached emotionally, but if you are after something more serious, stay away from the separated people. Don't get conned into giving to charity in this instance (through donating sex).

Posted by: waterbombe at July 29, 2008 8:41 PM

timewarp.my explanation
yes, you said you are turned off by Ockerettes are are most people but it was the way you said
I was all for feminism at first, till I saw it change as it became more widespread.
which made me smile. Once you realised it would bring changes you suddenly didn't want it and you have to admit it sounds patronising....as a man you tolerated it at first as though it was your right to approve or not! And then the stereotypical feminism= bad influence/ bad women and in a separate post somewhere a 'let's blame the women for men's poor behaviour...they led them to it (whores) instead of civilising them(God's Police)." rather than let both genders accept responsibility for their actions.
friends?

Posted by: thelynathdiary at July 29, 2008 8:32 PM

NW@6:21pm:
I never had such an enthusiastic blog girlfriend before! Made me feel like magic. Thank you!!!!

Posted by: joyfuldelite at July 29, 2008 8:29 PM

troy, re: your comment
I have no advice to offer and, as a bloke to another bloke, would not offer it as it would not be appreciated. This is something women often fail to understand. You'll pull your head in, dust yourself off and get your head there for another crack when you're ready. It's just s##t sometimes.
Posted by: troyohboy at July 29, 2008 8:59 AM
That is very sad. The socialisation of boys and men into accepting the "Big Boys Don't Cry." is the basis for so many issues in men's health and wellbeing and emotional expression. The opposite of that message iswhat we should be sending out today. Men should be able to be supported through, and able to talk about, any issue affecting them without being seen an 'unmanly' or 'weak' The emotional shut down has to stop !

Posted by: thelynathdiary at July 29, 2008 8:20 PM

Woodnwine...fess up...are you dating?

Posted by: oohlala1 at July 29, 2008 8:17 PM

Waterlily, good questions and l guess the answer is you just do not know, you have to take the risk.
I know the people l have met on here, male and female have or have had identifiable profiles, in that they look like their pictures, and several that l am friends with and communicate with regularly via email and phone. That they exist and blog under the names that l know them as is my proof.
The ones that l haven't met, well there you see is the "risk". But being a grown up sensible woman, l think my BS detector is at maximum level. If it isn't l guess l will live to fight another day..................K

Posted by: auntykaz at July 29, 2008 8:15 PM

thelynathdiary - you seem in all your postings on this subject to assume that it is only the women who are busy and under pressure and expect to be helped by the men (without them asking of course). What about the women helping the men (without asking of course)? It seems to me that you may be a woman who likes to have her cake and eat it too. (Good) relationships are a two way street.
Posted by: woodnwine at July 29, 2008 7:37 AM
Definitely love cake ...anytime!
However, my posts are about equality and I have said several times that what applies to women applies to men. You still don't get it...you are still talking about 'helping' as a grand gesture to be bestowed (by male or female .) This is insulting really in the context of a shared domestic situation and implies some sort of superiority or worse some sort of parent/ child balance.
You would find, if you tried it, that the more you do, the more they do too, as both want to please each other. It is not actually about the chores themselves but the intent behind doing so....equal responsibility and caring.
This is separate from offering to help a partner with something that is their responsibility alone- in which case it is a loving gesture.
Your next comment:
The only time I might ask is when a woman is cooking and I know that just stepping in may in fact mean stepping on toes and not be welcome. A good rule there I think is .... the person who cooks doesn't clean up.
Posted by: woodnwine at July 29, 2008
8:01 AM
If you are tip- toeing around a supposed intimate loving partner in this manner then there is something very, very wrong.
In my version of a good relationship there are no silly boundaries and no rules especially such prescriptive ones like if you cook, you don't wash up.. aaaagh!
If I was cooking and a partner came into the kitchen to share I would love it. Usually couples develop some sort of rhythm anyway especially if entertaining. And if I didn't want assistance for whatever reason I would say so and why and "thanks for the offer , stay and talk.".....communication. Woody! No need for sulking or feelings hurt
Have you ever in your life left the dishes overnight while you concentrated on the important thing..your partner or your friends?.

Posted by: thelynathdiary at July 29, 2008 8:07 PM

Exactly, Waterlily, you don't ever know for sure. I remember when I was first blogging an RSVP guy I liked (as a friend) blogged with two names, and never told me even when I talked to him about the other blogger (who happened to be him, as it turned out eventually...I caught him out). Now this is a sweet ordinary guy. (I still know him). But he was quite ok about doing that. So that makes me think, what would a nasty piece of work do given this opportunity? They could really mess with your head. So you're right, you don't know who anybody is.... but real life is like that too to some extent, I mean you get into relationships but you don't know who the person really is for a year or two. That's life.
You can't take blogging all that seriously though. It worries me when I hear people being very trusting on here....I've seen some very nasty people on this site, and they come across all sweet and charming to start. I don't think everyone should have to look after themselves, I think those of us in the know should warn people who seem to be too trusting. Call it community spirit.

Posted by: waterbombe at July 29, 2008 8:05 PM

waterlily@7:18pm:
"If we agree to meet up with an rsvper".... the same applies whether we meet bloggers or just anyone off rsvp. And that is why we are really on here, yes? to meet people. The same risks apply. And I suspect everyone of us has at least one story of meeting up with someone who was not at all what he/she seemed off the profile, so why not the same off the blogs? Personally, I haven't yet met anyone off the blogs but hope to. I nearly met the beautiful lady kurli who I invited to my birthday bash, but she couldn't make it. Hopefully, we will share a coffee and something soon:)
We 'meet' by one of us emailing the other and then going on to chat. Nothing more strange than that and anyone can do it to anyone - it just costs the price of a stamp which is a meagre price for a friendship and I treasure the communications with the few folks I interact with outside the blogs. You are great treasures in my life.

Posted by: joyfuldelite at July 29, 2008 7:50 PM

Because Waterlily...there's not just one or two of us on here who know each other but quite a lot!
We had a big meet that lasted all weekend at the beginning of this year with about 30 bloggers from Sydney as well as QLD and Victoria!
There's quite a few of us who keep in contact of the blogs!
So I know that so many on here are real and lovely people in real life!

Posted by: brilliantblue at July 29, 2008 7:44 PM

joyfuldelite at July 29, 2008 5:18 PM : Wipe your eyes and hang in there, bebby - nothing's as exciting as love's roller coaster - except the Tower at Dreamworld - the 4G+ acceleration was 99.5% as much as my body could take. Heart stopped for probably 3 secs. 10 years older now and off to some lighter exercise - social tennis with over 40s..

Posted by: timewarp1 at July 29, 2008 7:25 PM

Posted by: woodnwine at July 29, 2008 2:11 PM
Hey woodnwine, just using this as an example, so don't be offended, ok? Curiosoty just gets the better of me.
I've seen several bloggers now, post that they've met or spoken to other bloggers, so can therefore be 'verified' or 'autheniticated' as really existing, and therefore no longer suspected of being one of our multi-profilers.
So, I could meet you, humptydumpty, or the person who says he is humptydumpty. Then, however, who can prove that humptydumpty does not go home, turn on his computer and start blogging away using 2-3 or more different profile names, being rude, obnoxious, even abusive. But, then, of course, I would have said that I had met humptydumpty and he's nice guy and laughs a lot, so humpty gets this great reputation, while all of his alter egos run rampant, with their stupid little games.
Even waterbombe said a while back that she could create a fake profile and blog away and no-one would ever know.
So I guess the question is: If we agree to meet up with an rsvper, how the hell do we know if they're not one of the blog players who make up little people, as jen pointed out, inside their heads and have nothing else to do in their lives but stuff you around.

Posted by: waterlily58 at July 29, 2008 7:19 PM

Thank you woodnwine. You are a sweetie...now back to being blog-friends, ok?
The flirting was fun though. I guess we gave a few other bloggers a bit of fun for a while...yes?
Have a good evening matey, out there in wherever you are,w hich is probably local if kisses were exchanged, so maybe you are the guy I will run into at Woollies like everyone tells me I will, that that is where I will find the love of my life...
Just teasing Woody, you are off the hook sweetie

Posted by: joyfuldelite at July 29, 2008 7:15 PM

amberlight58 at July 29, 2008 5:50 PM: I don't do separated. Nohow. To me, it's beating the gun, unless the person is believably looking only for friends of both genders. But I'm old-fashioned and fuddy-duddy.

Posted by: timewarp1 at July 29, 2008 7:15 PM

ERAL @ 4.46 pm
HA HA - very funny!! But he's very cute (TD) - do you think you could resist for 6 months??

Posted by: malsie at July 29, 2008 7:09 PM

brilliantblue - thanks for the nice comment .... coming from someone as gorgeous and as much fun as you, that's a real compliment.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 29, 2008 6:52 PM

Boy - has everyone got the wrong end of THIS stick .... or maybe I should say the wrong side of this brick! I'm not on here to flirt with anyone and just thought I'd put a few comments in a little while ago and somehow got tied up in the whole blogging thing again. JD, you don't have to spell anything out although I must admit I just thought that you were giving me a compliment and I duly returned it as I thought it was well deserved.
No, waterbomber, I'm not anally retentative but a quick look through the "history" revealed 2 kisses sent in March ..... simple really. It's indeed a wonder that someone as laid back (maybe read naieve) as me would even think of that but a big H on JD's profile alerted me to it. I was looking at her profile because I liked her comments but didn't recognise the name.
To make things perfectly clear I'm not looking to meet anyone and never meant to lead anyone into thinking I was .... hence my profile being down. JD .... you have a great profile and I'm sure many opportunities will come your way. If I was looking I would cetainly be responding to your gracious compliments and be assured there is nothing to be sorry about. I hope I haven't unintentionally caused any trouble for anyone.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 29, 2008 6:39 PM

thelynathdiary at July 28, 2008 10:50 PM
posted "The thing that some people don't understand is that equality is not about genders being the same or women wanting to become men, but just about having the same opportunity in life and equal say in relationships."

I'm right into that, and have a pair of very assertive high-achieving daughters who both smashed the glass ceiling before they were 30.

My point was that I am being put right off by women aping the most unlovely aspects of ocker knaves, and thinking that's feminism. Still can't begin to understand your snarky initial response. Please explain (2nd time of asking.)

Posted by: timewarp1 at July 29, 2008 6:38 PM

Neanderthalman1, yeah thats going to work.....I can see you now WnW, sitting down and munching on some big slab of raw meat....... not.....
I can vouch for what WB said about WnW, having met this particularly charming fella and sharing a few drinks at Southbank (Melb) one beautiful sunny day, and even a nice hug. Not many guys top you WnW for your incredibly friendly and calming persona........
TassieD, switch to the Jack Daniels, tastes way better than the Beam.

Gordon, no offence taken dear, l am just a tad blunt at times.........
Marcus, Marcus, you ARE mellowing a bit, what is going on!!
And WB, (l think), we are currently in the stunning moon phase, the new moon isn't it?Gosh it looked beautiful at 0645 this morning on the way to work. Bloody cold too!!!!.................K

Posted by: auntykaz at July 29, 2008 6:36 PM

this place is becoming a veritable den of 'fatal attraction'....now..there's..LATte and aqueous..eral and willow..or was that MT?..and..when woodywine catches on..ANY TIME NOW WNW..only a matter of JOYFUL time now wnw....joyfulandtriumphant..!!..hopefully..!!

Joy to the world..tra la la la..aaahhh

hehe..all zer best Joylie..and wnw..nw

Posted by: naturalwoman08 at July 29, 2008 6:21 PM

No, Joyful, I was not referring to caution in matters of the heart, go for it and be as trusting as you like there, I was referring to caution in the matter of trusting photos to be current. I agree with Waternymph...Eral's profile raises some serious reservations for me. It is very very weird.

Posted by: waterbombe at July 29, 2008 6:20 PM

Posted by: waterbombe at July 29, 2008 2:32 PM

I wish !
( Its the makeup job ~ RECTINOL )
hello ???

AND thanks !
x
;~)

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at July 29, 2008 6:12 PM

Posted by: willow29 at July 29, 2008 3:32 PM
Good grief; the bigotry of some people !
( I'm moving to Mildura ASAP ! ... lol)
I remember on my last trip to Paris, Pierre and I were talking about romance, and remember him telling me that the world most beautiful and romantic women come from Mildura ! ~ VBG

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at July 29, 2008 5:57 PM

About a romance drought, it seems I only seem to attract the separated guys.
I'm not too keen on "separated". From my own experience you often still have a long way to go emotionally and then there is the property settlement and child support and "residency" issues!
I have just responded with 'No thanks" as I am a bit wary.
Have heard of stories (and also read on these blogs!) where a person has been supportive and helpful during the person's dramas and issues, only to be dropped like a stone once everything is settled, because the person now wants to have a bit of "fun" for a while.
Am I being too cautious? What does everyone else think?

Posted by: amberlight58 at July 29, 2008 5:50 PM

Posted by: waternymph47 at July 29, 2008 4:52 PM

Ohhh well ... ve pet-eh dans la fleurs !

:(

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at July 29, 2008 5:24 PM

brilliantblue, you don't need to sell me on the virtues of wnw, I think it is blatantly obvious (probably to the world!) that I can appreciate at least those I have encountered (and I remember). But the one way street where I have rolled out my red carpet appears to be empty.....what a lady has to go through.....trying to court a fella on a public forum....sighhhhh

Posted by: joyfuldelite at July 29, 2008 5:22 PM

waterbombe! Why am I a bit of a handful? Oh better not start or I will get flamed by some bystander....
and wnw may well be 'cute'...I would love to see for myself...but enough of me displaying my desires over this blog (and my getting rejected as well!)...back to reality again....bang. plonk, there goes my silly little heart dropping out of the sky and down to earth again....56 and still acting like tinkerbell....thinking maybe wnw was my Peter Pan...but he ran off with Wendy and left tinkerbell to fade away for a while now didn't he?
wnw....sigh.....

Posted by: joyfuldelite at July 29, 2008 5:18 PM

Woody how on earth do you know Joyful saw your profile on the 7th March?? Are you anally retentive or WHAT...or am I just vague...

Yep, he's brave and cute, well spotted!! You're a bit of a handful, though, aren't you, Joyful? (Not that that is the pot calling the kettle black or anything like that...ho hum...better mind my own business...don't you start, OG....)

Posted by: waterbombe at July 29, 2008 5:03 PM

For heaven's sake Woody, catch on!! Surely JD doesn't have to spell it out!

Marcus today @ 10:41AM great post, couldn't agree more!

Brilliantblue @ 12:47PM also excellent. I was amazed too! A whole city "put on hold" for one person and an assumption that the "pilgrims" were all sweetness and light. Can't imagine anything like that for any other religious leader.
I agree a Muslim leader (and his followers) being treated in the same manner would cause riots on the streets!

Posted by: amberlight58 at July 29, 2008 4:54 PM

"If only people would listen to one another. Governments and younger people, men and women, old and young, femmos and bloky blokes.
Couldn't the world be a better place? "
Posted by: tassiedude1 at July 28, 2008 11:06 PM
Sadly Rod, people don't listen to one another or see things thru anothers eyes .. or walk a mile in their shoes.
You'll be delighted to know my daughter is coming over for lunch tomorrow ... my quiet persistence got there in the end.

While I agree with some of the ladies that ERAL is an attractive looking man .. it is the heart and mind that I dont find nearly as attractive ... did you actually read his profile?? Wierd!!

Posted by: waternymph47 at July 29, 2008 4:52 PM

I'm deeply flattered (and very amused) . VBG

NW ~ merci beaucoup madame, tu es magnifique!

Tassiedude ~ hhmmmm maybe - BUT NO SEX FOR 6 MONTHS !!! ( i have to be sure your not a player !)

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at July 29, 2008 4:46 PM

Posted by: joyfuldelite at July 29, 2008 4:24 PM

Woodnwine is a great guy, Joyfuldelite....sometimes comes across a little too serious in the blogs but in real life he laughs a lot and at himself!

Posted by: brilliantblue at July 29, 2008 4:39 PM

Thanks waterbombe,
Yes, I might be a tad too trusting, but there are far too many people who have their hearts locked away and I prefer to let mine get the odd wound rather than have it locked up...so I will go on being trusting and looking for the good in people...I do silly things too...like I obviously did on 7th March!
And wnw.... the brick is hitting you over the head, please pick it up, turn it over and see that it has "sorry" written on it...

Posted by: joyfuldelite at July 29, 2008 4:30 PM

To wnw:
"But you've already seen my profile on the 7th March"???? 7th March would have been literally days after being dumped by my fiance...so anything stupid I might have done/replied then is definitely not where I am at now....and Iapologise...and ask for a reprieve...and this is getting deeply embarassing but I am brave and I suspect you are...

Posted by: joyfuldelite at July 29, 2008 4:24 PM

I think I have learnt more about human nature in the last hour reading blog comments here.............................Then I have learnt in the last 30 years !! :))

Posted by: outbackdrifter at July 29, 2008 4:08 PM

But you've already seen my profile on the 7th March.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 29, 2008 3:52 PM

Lot's of sexual energy in this post. Must be the Sex and Politics topics ;)

Posted by: starryeyez at July 29, 2008 3:50 PM

waterbomber - the footprints weren't mine, they were just on me .... and BTW, there is no problem at the moment .... just me being misinterperated or misunderstood again, but hey, I'm pretty used to that so I usually just shrug it off.
joyfuldelite - now don't you go starting to get cynical; that would never do.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 29, 2008 3:48 PM

Ah Yes, just a word of warning, Woody needs to be hit on the head with a brick sometimes, JD.

Re photos....you may not be cynical, either, JD....just a tad too trusting, possibly? Younger people don't really need this site as much as older people...they meet in bars and clubs and on Facebook...I know they are on here but they have more opportunities to meet in other places.

I used to be young and single once (I was divorced at 35 which is 5 years younger than Eral) and I never had trouble meeeting guys. And I wasn't anywhere near as goodlooking as the lucky Eral. Perhaps it was my charm, though....I reckon that's what OG and Marcus would say it was.

Posted by: waterbombe at July 29, 2008 3:41 PM

Joyfuldelite: It's true there are some beautiful people on RSVP - male and female. A neighbour of mine was on it and she was accused of being a prostitute because no-one believed she was genuinely on to look for love.

Posted by: willow29 at July 29, 2008 3:32 PM

Hi waterbombe,
look at some of the female profiles...there are sooo many absolutely stunning women on rsvp, truly gorgeous...and they "need to be here" because this is the way folks meet nowadays. If Claudia Schiffer was non-famous and here in Australia, and genuinely searching for a real guy, I suspect she would have a profile up too....and guys would be contacting her saying that she wasn't real, that her photos were fakes, or sleazing on to her.....sound familiar??? Or am I just getting cynical?

Posted by: joyfuldelite at July 29, 2008 3:00 PM

woodnwine@2:11pm:
"Others interstate know me as well."
Maybe others do know you...but I don't.... and maybe, just maybe I was hinting that I would like to know you....
And now I am deeply embarassed (blushing) but I just had to try and get across what I was trying hard to indicate subtley...ok?

Posted by: joyfuldelite at July 29, 2008 2:55 PM

I think NW is fallin' for ERAL!

Posted by: aqueousdb66 at July 29, 2008 1:52 PM

heehee..aqueous..is it wrong for an older woman to indulge her visual appreciation of the human form that is ERAL.. to lust after such a gorgeous piece of human physicality....after all..the heart has no wrinkles..or diminishing desires..

am i sounding like a dirty 'ol middle aged woman..hoh!

'lust is in the air'...hehe...after you..aqueous and LATte....willow and eral..or is it MT and eral..anyway mwah..to young and not so young lovers..and to the ones waiting in the wings..nw

Posted by: naturalwoman08 at July 29, 2008 2:45 PM

I noticed ERALs excellent photos too, and wondered about something .... don't you get stampeded every time you go out, Eral? What on earth are you doing here? That's no insult to the rest of us, but those photos do make you look like the male equivalent of Claudia Schiffer...and she wouldn't need to be here, that's all I'm saying.

Posted by: waterbombe at July 29, 2008 2:32 PM

I didn't know you had big feet, Woody. Could be worth saying a bit louder on the blogs.... a bit of self advertising never goes astray. Listen up. Woody has been to Melbourne to a Blogger's Meeting and he is laid back, funny, attractive, and has big feet.

What's with the current malaise though Woody ....find a cure quick before you become a convert to Marcus's FWB club, whose slogan is "This is all there is". If you end up there, you will find yourself in the laundromat of life, cycling through one wash after another, never finding the right fabric softener to make the remainder of your life Cuddly and Divine. Is that what you want? No, it isn't . (I may be making a few assumptions here).

Marcus's club is for boys with leather skin, with stubble like staples, their hearts nailed into a hundred metal boxes, each smaller than the next. When they go out to meet a girl, they trail their metal hearts behind them on a chain, so they can throw them into a river before they get to the cafe where their date is waiting. After each date, they go to the river, dredge the bottom, pull their hearts out again and drag them home. I don't know when, if ever, they actually unpack their hearts...maybe in the garden when only the lizards are watching. This whole process is of course entirely natural and necessary for human evolution. Isn't it, Marcus?

Posted by: waterbombe at July 29, 2008 2:25 PM

I think the full moon is long gone Waterbombe - it must surely be something else.