RSVP

fromheretoeternaty at 12:25 PM: Your sublime quotation made me weep. Thank you very much. More-detailed source please.

Posted by: timewarp1 at July 8, 2008 1:00 PM

Rodna,
I have only the slightest idea of how awful this must have been for you.
As a mother of 4 children, I can only imagine how I would feel if anything slightly similar ever happened to one of my children.

As a person who has always defended my family against those I view who have harmed them, I can well understand your need to seek justice for your child, and to make sure another child doesn't have to go through the same thing your daughter did.
It is something you just have to do.

I admire you for your courage and wish you well in your efforts.
Things will never change unless people are prepared to take a stand.
Just take time to look after yourself and those you love.

Posted by: amberlight58 at July 8, 2008 12:28 PM

RECLAIMING THE HEART
- Oriah, Indian Elder

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain! I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it. I want to know if you can be with JOY, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic or to remember the limitations of being a human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore be trustworthy. I want to know if you can see beauty everyday even when it is not pretty and if you can source your life on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "YES!"

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you trutly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Posted by: fromheretoeternaty at July 8, 2008 12:25 PM

Posted by: iaminperth at July 8, 2008 9:19 AM
You took the words right outta my mouth!

Posted by: waterlily58 at July 8, 2008 12:02 PM

Marcus.......email me for that information.

By the way...Adara did not die of the tumour......
she contracted Enchephalomyolitis 6 weeks after her remmission,and died after 4 months in Intensive care from Scepsia.

Posted by: musicteacher at July 8, 2008 11:53 AM

musicteacher at July 8, 2008 7:11 AM

Sorry to hear about your situation MT.

What was the name of the Dr. who was found negligent in the Supreme Court?

Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at July 8, 2008 10:32 AM

Lynath, Not knowing the state of mind at the moment or how she is feeling your information is way too much and could be very detrimental. I believe it should stop immediately as this is certainly not the venue. I for one would be highly offended by what you are saying.

Posted by: iaminperth at July 8, 2008 9:29 AM

I really don't think this is the venue to discuss a terrible loss. This is simply not the time or the place as no-one here would have even an inkling of the pain you have suffered, nor any idea of the true paths followed. To argue the position with people who have no relevance to this despair will serve no purpose in my view.

Posted by: iaminperth at July 8, 2008 9:19 AM

Believe it or not,I don't like to go over and over it.
This all came from a comment that lavnderbob made to me....saying I would die alone because I said....about long distance relationships:

I feel sorry for people in this situation-it will either fail or be tough going.

...I felt my comment was realistic and it was meant with empathy.

I have thought about what lynathdiary has said....and I agree that maybe I should distance myself from Cancer types of "things"...until I get the next fundraiser to remind me...when they write,phone or approach me in the street for a donation...for childrens cancer.

I want acknowledgement and the correct action...then,I can let it go.

There is a name for a man who loses his wife and visa versa,a name for a person who loses his sight,limb,hearing.We don't have a name for a person who has lost a child...there should be...and I don't want it to be "grief stricken mother".

I hope my children are inspired by my strength....I tell them "never give up on what you believe in".

Cheers,
let's all have a great day,
Rodna

Posted by: musicteacher at July 8, 2008 9:15 AM

musicteacher I think we may have to let this one go, Lynath is defending someone she doesn't know at all to someone she does know slightly...it seems a bit out of balance. My experience is you can't make people understand this kind of thing. I learned not to talk people who defended the doctors, especially when they hadn't been there at the time, knew very little about the case, and didn't know the doctors, but nevertheless had strong opinions which they insisted on stating. It's not worth the trouble it will cause you.

Posted by: waterbombe at July 8, 2008 8:46 AM

the lynathdiary

argggg....
Everything I have said is true,,,I found out about the records after the hearing...it was a surprise to me.

The ABC appealed the gag order...wanting to do a story for public health reasons and were of course turned down,

And I have it documented in the boards written words.....so does the ABC,so does the SMH.

email , your address...,and I will send you a certified copy....then you can EAT YOUR WORDS!

The very next day....this doctor was in the Supreme court having done the same thing to a child 17 years ago.....I attended that..hearing went for 6 weeks and he was found negligent.
It IS hard to believe,it's outrageous.

It was not a trial by media by the way....everything was quoted directly by the records which I had and are now with solicitors.

I am not grief stricken anymore....I am pissed off and rightly so...and i do have a life...I also have integrity,and am not prepared to let what happened to her,go.

I believe in Justice...

Posted by: musicteacher at July 8, 2008 7:11 AM

Yes, waterbombe I think we are all aware that there are incompetent people in all walks of life.

However; when is a person guilty before the trial?
I am a bit reluctant to post this as music teacher is a 'real' person and not one of our "imaginary friends", but I feel the need to defend an unknown person, One sided Trial by Media is not very fair and frightening to others who may find themselves in similar situations.

Musicteacher has stated in an earlier post that the matter was taken to the medical board and covered up and that medical records were destroyed. I find that hard to believe and very serious allegations.
No mention of anything untoward being shown, just an accusation that it was covered up ,by a grief stricken mother.

The doctor did not cause the tumour. When the first tests were negative of course he would reassure the mother that there was no cancer.
If you have a sore leg you don't immediately cut it off do you? Same in this case, start with least invasive tests and elimination of disease given nothing clear to go by. and administer treatment as required. eg replacement nutrition. That was not torture that was necessary to keep the child from suffering further.What it was was frightening and horrible for the parents to feel helpless when their child was so sick.
The type of tumour described in the article may be hard to diagnose and it has not been unheard of to suspect psychiatric conditions prior to diagnosis.

Musicteacher, you have so much to give and a lot of living to do .You can choose to spend your life being angry and focussing on punishing someone for your tragedy, or you can really live. Do your Concerto and then move away from being immersed in the whole illness and cancer scene, you might have a chance of recovery then and for the sake of your other children too. You won't 'get over it" or forget but you can live with acceptance.

If some good has come out of it then it is that the case is now a learning tool for the medical profession.That is Adara's gift to the world and especially the children of Australia.

Someone close to me lost a child to a brain tumour and by staying closely involved with the whole hospital /cancer ward based volunteer work managed to make the next 20 years. and counting. of her life all about suffering and permanent depression. It kept her from coming to acceptance and peace.. It should/could serve a purpose for a short time but not ongoing.Meanwhile her other child missed out on her mothers full attention which was devoted and directed to sick children and their parents, and did not know a normal childhood that did not involve a hospital, and her husband drifted further away, losing a son to a tumour and a wife by default.

Posted by: thelynathdiary at July 8, 2008 12:04 AM

Sorry, Marcus and TW, I should have said "Thank the Goddess"...I don't know how I slipped up like that... patriarchal sabotage, no doubt.

I think that people like musicteacher, myself and others who have experienced this kind of thing have our own supports...I don't count religion among mine, but others do...when something really dreadful happens, people make sense of it in their own way.

Posted by: waterbombe at July 7, 2008 11:08 PM

waterbombe at 7:39 PM: Such good stuff, and so well put. Except that I agree with Marcus at 8,40pm:
Our thanks need to go out directly and specifically to the actual individual people like musicteacher who've bravely stood up and said to the Establishment
"Not bloody good enough. Get real, and do properly what society is paying you to do for us all. Or get out of the driving seat and give a real man/woman a go."
Thank you for doing that for all of us, MT.

Posted by: timewarp1 at July 7, 2008 9:14 PM

waterbombe at July 7, 2008 7:39 PM
"Thank God they have the courage not only to deal with their pain but to try to improve things for the rest of us."
I think a belief in god is part of the problem.
We need to focus on rational explanations and considered actions and scientific solutions, not an expectation that somehow there will be a divine intervention or support.
cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at July 7, 2008 8:40 PM

Lynath, there are incompetent doctors who damage people. That's a fact. Just like there are incompetent police, nurses, teachers, politicians etc. Every profession has a range of people from incompetent to superb...you will be aware of that in your own profession.
And I'm grateful to all the people who take action to get rid of corrupt politicians and police and clergymen and dreadful teachers and incompetent nurses, etc. Thank God they have the courage not only to deal with their pain but to try to improve things for the rest of us.

Posted by: waterbombe at July 7, 2008 7:39 PM

The lynathdiary:

You sound like a doctor.
If you read the article clearly you would note the doctor would not listen to his peers.

Inoperable? Terminal? You don't know that!
I didn't suffer the way Adara did.
Look,I know you mean well,but the only people that can relate to this is other people who have gone through this.

She was dying of starvation already.This was not some junior,inexperienced Doctor.This was/is the TEAM LEADER.

....who then ran away when MRI results came in,who told me straight out that my daughter "does not have Cancer and is not going to die".

I know you mean well,but unless you say something like "I cannot imagine what this has been like" then don't give advice on how I should deal with it.

Of course I see a Psychiatrist for my post-traumatic stress...he is the one who directed me to the HCCC.

I had posted a comment telling of my involvement with the Australian Doctors Orchestra...that I would perform a concerto with them to raise money for Brain Stem Research...but it seems not every comment gets through.I hope this one does.

I don't want to dwell on it here...I am sure everyone is sick of it here.

His standard was below average...he was summoned to the board...that's all I will say.

Posted by: musicteacher at July 7, 2008 3:16 PM

waternymph47 at July 6, 2008 2:00 PM: Best of luck to us all, and specially to you. Reckon you're overdue for some.

Posted by: timewarp1 at July 6, 2008 10:30 PM

Easier said than done TW. For one thing I have never owned a house .. too trusting then too defeated to argue. I got ahead enough to have money in the bank and own a few things prior to last marriage but raising 2 kids alone and working part time never got me far enough ahead to own real estate. I have always paid the bills and at the moment due to tight budgeting and deciding to do without a car I actually have some money in the bank. If I ever have another live in relationship of any kind .. 'pre nup' could be the way to go as I'm no longer able to work hard and recoup losses as I easily as I once could!

Posted by: waternymph47 at July 6, 2008 2:00 PM

silhouettegirl at 1.53pm: I reckon if the last century was Use before you own (hire purchase, not layby) then this century has to be Try before you buy.

My last lengthy short relationship (about 9 months in 2002-3) included me staying at her place for about 4 months, at the rate of about 3 days and 4 nights a week.

I brought about 4 changes of in-season clothes to keep there, and 2 tubs with my current business papers came and went with me each visit.

When she really irreparably upset me, I packed up and was gone in ten minutes,

In your case I'd have put a tenant in my house with a 6-month lease (with one room not let, because it was filled with my stuff and locked.) Then the try-before-you-buy would have cost not much more than a return air fare.

But that's me. I believe more of what I see than what I hear. Because talk's cheap - including wooing talk.

Posted by: timewarp1 at July 5, 2008 7:43 PM

Five plus years ago I started chatting to a guy in an MSN chatroom and altho he had a few things to go thru in those years(stopped drinking & smoking and started caring for his health & trying to improve relationship with his kids) we remained firm and caring friends and a couple of visits back and forth aquainted us with each others kids and friends as well. It also showed us we had chemistry(hate that term)!
His suggestion of doing all he could to make my 60th birthday special last year led to us revisiting the thought of deepening our relationship. I had been the cautious one there not wanting to up sticks and move even further away from my kids than I was when living in SA while they were in NSW but the romancing on his part was persistiant and deligent enough to convince me that we could do this.
He wasn't ever abusive nor did he cheat on me! He was kind and generous mostly ...
But despite him calling his Ex wifes name in his sleep I was never to mention her name or make reference to, nor ask anything about her! Nor could we visit his youngest daughter if the "EX" was going to be there that day too.!
I moved into the spare room early after my arrival,initially because I had the flu and didnt want to keep him awake due to me coughing etc! He took umbrage imediately and began his monumental sulks but made no effort to see to my welfare or cook a meal .. just the occasional offer of a cuppa .. since he seems to live on nothing else!
I became the 'Companion/housekeeper' when it became obvious to me that he was more in need of a warm body, warm food, and preferably a "Silent" partner!
I tried getting him along to Counselling to find a level of communication, that was something akin to the wonderful one we had on the phone each night up till I arrived in WA.
Seems he'd "allowed me 3 sessions to get things sorted in" and once we'd done that announced it a "waste of time and money " .. resisting all efforts on the Counsellor's part to find out what it was he wanted , or hoped for much less was prepared to do!
At the end of 6 months I repacked my partially unpacked boxes and now diminished chattels .. having given much away or sold at barely enough to cover moving costs. I'd stopped unpacking soon after my stuff arrived in WA, and I copped a snide "taking over" comment .. despite all being settled to suit his comfort zone. He's now left with a comfortable, tastefully decorated home .. although it was just a mass of his boxes for me to unpack as soon as I got there.
I feel like I did a Domestic Blitz for him for little appreciation and no acclamation, despite having done it on a far smaller budget than your average DB programme!
Looks like Ive just done the 'Interim Woman' thing again .. leaving him secure in his comfort zone while I have to start over again from scratch! Always a lousy 'house keeper' .. I keep walking away and leaving them cosy and secure with their house .. even offered him the ring back .. he declined!

No1 Long distance doesnt work .. not even for 2 dear friends of mine who met in same chat room as many years ago. They at least got married, have a long enduring love , and share same beliefs . but it's getting harder for her with family in USA and his here in OZ and constant travel not on the budget. I hope they can endure!

Posted by: waternymph47 at July 5, 2008 1:53 PM

musicteacher, when someone dies part of the grieving process is often blame, in order to make some sense of what happened and to relieve the pain.
You have lost your beloved child and the pain is something that no doubt you have learnt to live with. You have to work through the grief and come to an acceptance. While you are focused on blame ,this won't happen.
From reading the story I have surmised that your daughters diagnosis took some time and quite a few tests. This is often the case for anyone with a serious disease. That is something that is hard to accept as a parent when a child is ill. When the basic tests kept coming back without clues, then staff would be looking for other causes.They did seem to be fixated on the psychological aspect, but at that time there was little else to go on and it would not be the first case.
A CT scan is appropriate for detecting brain tumours. In the light of the negative tests it is understandable that an MRI (another trauma for your daughter to undergo) may have been held back, especially as there can be long waits to have the test and
cases may have to be prioritised.

If the doctor had not attempted to feed Adara via the tube then she would have died of starvation and dehydration which would have been unacceptable. Given the other circumstances and no sign of illness in the bowel a more invasive feeding method so early would have been more risky, so Adara had to endure the discomfort of nausea in order to avoid a high risk of infection and a perhaps unnecessary procedure.

From the article it seems the tumour was inoperable and sadly incurable.
No scan, test or earlier diagnosis would
change the outcome.

One of the ways you dealt with your pain was to try to tell your story as you saw it. Be careful that those who would seek to make money from sensationalism are not in fact working against your recovery.

I wonder; have you ever spoken with the Paediatrician or staff involved again?

Paediatricians have a great interest in children and I am sure that man would be devastated by the MRI test results and final outcome. He would not have deliberately held back tests and treatment. Not many years ago these sophisticated tests did not exist and there would have been no blame for the same outcome. He is human and acting within hospital restrictions and guidleines and used available indicators to plan care and treatment.

The frustration and worry and fear and pain you felt going through this experience was something that no one would ever wish. The loss of your beautiful child unbearablly sad.
You can't change the loss but you can decide to let go of the blame and try to find some peace and acceptance.

I see you now do cancer related charity work.That is admirable, but maybe you need to take a complete break away from that for some time in order to heal.

There are also support groups such as Compassionate Friends(branches all over Australia) who specifically support brereaved parents and siblings

I am very sorry that you have had to suffer tis tragedy in your life.

Posted by: thelynathdiary at July 5, 2008 12:49 AM

iaminperth at 9:00pm: "I think you still miss Joan don't you TW ?"

Interesting question. It's 15 years (and 4 days) since I stopped doing carpentry in the evenings to help her settle into her new home across town, and our official separation began.

(And mine fom my younger daughter. She went with her mother, who could afford to finish putting her through Uni. But she finally decided to come back into my life only 4 years ago, with a husband she'd already had for about 8 years, that I'd never been told about. No-one was allowed to give me any news of them, so I'd watched her Uni exam results in the Courier Mail.)

At first I was desolated - son dead 8 years before, wife and one daughter taken off, and the other working in England. I felt totally deserted, and also that I was being treated like a wife-basher or something similar. Slightly humiliating, and very depressing.

Joan had bought a house purposely too small to fit in the absent elder daughter, then 25. And I had chosen a 2-bedroom flat so she'd have somewhere to stay if she did come back. Which she unexpectedly did, only 6 weeks later. Stayed with me for a year till she married her long-time boyfriend and they went back to England. It was so nice to have at least one of my dear ones back for a while.

I'd been cross with Joan for years for selfishly focusing on her work and her geneology hobby - anything that gave her an excuse to keep away from me and the daughters. She had said her mother and son were the only people she'd ever cared about, and me for a few years at first. She'd been an indulged only child.

Once she was gone I was even more cross with her. I'd signed on for the "for better, for worser" and she'd chickened out. I guess my pride was now even more hurt.

It took me most of 10 years to get over that hurt. For 30 years I'd focused on the positive, and always been as nice to her as I could, and reminded myself that when the kids were small she was very busy being "the best little mother I've had in 25 years at Clayfield Kindy" and naturally didn't have much time or energy left over for me.

Even less when she went back teaching and to Uni at night. I kept on doing the cooking every 2nd day, and took over the laundry and supermarketing.

In the last few years I've been able to see more clearly that Joan had served her biological and cultural purpose by providing me with 2 excellent daughters that I am enormously proud of, and that my long-standing disgruntles were a selfish response to being treated less lovingly than I was treating her.

I see myself as more loving and giving than Joan is, and that's why I've worded my RSVP perfect partner profile as a list of what I'm hoping to find next time - someone who's as fair dinkum about loving and laughing as I am.

No Perth, I don't miss what she'd become, but I do treasure loving memories of the many wonderful times we did have together, mainly in the early days before the Peter Principle entrapped her.

Posted by: timewarp1 at July 5, 2008 12:34 AM

Musicteacher, the loss of your little girl must have been utter devastation. I cannot comprehend how l would feel if my daughter or son were to suffer and die like this......

Have you had any formalised counselling to maybe help you through this ??

Sending calm thoughts your way musicteacher, for l think that you have endured what may be the worst thing l have heard....................K

Posted by: auntykaz at July 4, 2008 11:45 PM

I sympathise with you, and I can see you are still carrying a lot of deep seated anger towards the medical profession.
i had a similar experience with a young son.
He had builders lime in his eyes and sat in casualty for 3 hours before a triage had a look.
i errupted,abused everybody,would have torn the place to pieces.
I wrote to the medical board, the local member,in the end there was an investigation , read that as a cover up, and ended up with nothing more than an apology.
Mind you my six year old daughter had a stroke and received the best care and support i could have hoped, she is still a walking time bomb with a problem from birth which is inoperable but I am not going to ruin my life by remaining filled with anger.

This a very sad and terrible experience for you and I can understand your frustration and misery and your wanting to get even and have your day in court.

For your own sake, seek out a good therapist to help you control your feelings and then if you feel the same way in a year or to proceed in the direction you choose, but please do not keep punishing yourself like this as the only person you are hurting is yourself.
The people you feel this anger towards are just going through their daily lives not having a clue in hell what you are going through and they probably do not even give it a second thought.
You must try and climb to the top of the mountain and look at the view from up there.

You will find that life is a precious gift, a fluke of nature and if you believe in a God i am sure he would be angry towards you for doing this to yourself.
You can't bring your daughter back, and you can't change a thing that happened, it is a sad and gutting experience and my thoughts are with you.

Posted by: ritameter at July 4, 2008 10:58 PM

This DOCTOR could have saved Adara a lot of pain and suffering if he had performed an MRI as he was urged to by his peer.Imagine vomiting for 35 days 24/7 and being four years of age.I feel like dying after only an hour of vomiting,.I was told she DEFINATELY did not have Cancer and that she was not going to die...that I was being Hysterical.He RAN AWAY when the MRI was performed on her 4th birthday!.This was not an error....this was something else entirely.I was even suspected of Munchausen Syndrome! Do you want this Doctor to be in charge of your child or grandchild? If I had a;;owed my daughter to vomit for 35 days,she would be taken away from me.This is Child Abuse.....I would like to stick a tube down that doctor's throat and force feed him and watch him vomit for 35 days.My maternal instincts have to be supressed because I don't want to go to jail.This is not a Doctor.This is a MONSTER.I am sorry,but I am never going to let this THING get away with it.I don't care if it takes me till the end of my life.You will probably end up seeing me in he news someday,protesting or worse.What would you do to a person who tortured your child? Would you forgive him? We all know what we would do.He did not do his best...he did his worst and his own peers know it.
....What a corrupt bunch these Medical Board Members are.They put a gag order on me,the ABC and the SMH.They don't feel the same empathy as the public.They do whatever it takes to cover it all up.They even destroyed her medical records,but they did not realise that I already had a full copy.
Solicitors did not believe me so i sent all the records to the SMH....it was/is too unbelievable,but this was MY little girl,who desreved the best treatment from the best Childrens hospital in Sydney.
Sorry folks,I am really upset.as you can imagine.I would not wish this upon my worst enemy!

Posted by: musicteacher at July 4, 2008 10:28 PM

ok doctors aren't perfect, I am not perfect,i make errors in judgement we all do.
Sometimes doctors are hamstrung by the lack of technological development in this country.
I have a bad back, I have pain in my leg and my foot,i know what has to be done, the doctor shakes his head, he has used all the equipment and tests at his disposal bar 1920 style surgery to fix the problem.
i say to him 'what about laser surgery'
he looks at me as if I am stupid ,does a search of the web while I am sitting there, and says he has never heard of it.
i direct him to a site in the USA for non invasive surgery,also a site in India.
he scratches his head and says'you will probably be dead by the time we get this sort of thing in Australia'
Similarly i want to know why i haven't got prostate cancer considering my cell count .

He says 'i don't know, all we can do is keep counting your cell ratios'
I suggest that maybe it is something else and suggest a course of antibiotics,what does he do,ok, we will try that and see if your count improves.
The digestive problem same thing, he runs out of ideas accept to say his father had gall stones and a similar problem so he says go get an ultrascan.

Posted by: ritameter at July 4, 2008 9:34 PM

I think you still miss Joan don't you TW ?

Posted by: iaminperth at July 4, 2008 9:00 PM

Ritameter...there is misdiagnosis and slackness in misdiagnosis!

I can understand doctors are only human too and that some unusal things are hard to diagnosis but seriously when it comes to very common problems that they overlook....it just makes me extremely angry! What happened to my son was complete and utter incompetence and slackness and any normal doctor would have picked it up straight away which is exactly what happened when my doctor came back from holidays. Even he was in total shock at how the fill-in doctor had not picked this up....so within 2-3hrs my son was rushed into an emergency operation!

Posted by: brilliantblue at July 4, 2008 8:44 PM

people are misdiagnosed all the time and most of the time we are rarely presented with a cure for what ails us.
With all the money spent on health care we have made very few real advances to prolong life.
The cleaner conditions we have and better quality food are the main reasons we have longer lives, but that is theoretical only ,if you look at the facts we only live a few years past the 3 score years and ten promised in the bible and that only applies to some of the lucky ones, I know we expect doctors to be Gods, but they are only human, and rarely make breakthroughs themselves.
My doctor is no longer my doctor, borne out of his frustration and my frustration in his inability to find an answer to my ongoing digestive problems .
I am ready to try anything including Chinese medicine.A friend in Sydney is finding a Chinese doctor for me at the moment, but regardless it is often a hit and miss process.
You can have all the tests under the sun and they still can't find a cause let alone a cure.
After all, they are only human.

Posted by: ritameter at July 4, 2008 7:51 PM

I had a long distance relationship about 45 years ago. I was in Brisbane and she was teaching near Monto - about 7 hours' drive to the north-west.

It went on for most of 2 years. After most of a year we got engaged, and a year and a day later, we married and set up house in Brisbane.

Her being a teacher made it far easier. Three times a year she'd be in Brisbane for at least a week staying with friends, and also at Easter and the Queens Birthday weekend for a couple of nights.

In between we wrote longish letters at least once a week, but our main romance-saver was a weekly phonecall. Just before 8.30pm on Sundays she'd walk down the unlit street to the nearest public phone box about 600 mtrs away - sometimes in cold, wind and/or rain.

I'd take the long-cord phone into my bedroom at Mum's, and shut the door on younger brothers with long ears. No self-dialled STD then. I'd dial up trunk-lines and say the town and number of the phone box. Then the operator would plug me through and start the 3-minute timer.

Trunk-line calls were very expensive then, because of needing switchgirls, and the PMG Dept having no competition.

Each of us would have made a list of topics to cover, sometimes including what had sounded like a bum note in a recent letter. That let us talk fast and miss nothing important..

Nearly every week there was the same operator - a man, because it was night shift. When he said "Three minutes! Are you extending?" I'd say "No thanks" because the darlin' man would already have given us about 20-25 minutes for the price of three.

He knew how far Joan had had to walk to the phonebox, because the first time, he'd said "That's a phone box! How do you know there'll be anyone there?" and I'd explained.

Thank you for that kindness, unknown champion of long-distance romance!

Posted by: timewarp1 at July 4, 2008 7:15 PM

Thank you brilliantblue and all who have sent kind words...i really appreciate it!

I am still fighting to have this Doctor removed from his position....I will never stop,because i found out he has made the same mistake many times before!!!!

Posted by: musicteacher at July 4, 2008 6:46 PM

musicteacher, you really did push the boundaries on that one.

It is hard enough to get someone to condescend to a relationship 90 minutes away let alone in another country.
As they say, doomed from the start.
Oh and brilliantblue makes a belated appearance.

we seem to be missing a few posts , what happened?

Posted by: ritameter at July 4, 2008 6:45 PM

Rodna..

From me also.. sincerest sympathy on your loss.

Posted by: decoratress at July 4, 2008 6:28 PM

OK Interestengencounter:and all:
Here is my experience with a long distance relationship:

It was May,1994.I went to Europe on my own....I was trying to get over a love affair...another conductor I had met after my divorce.
My last night in Venice,I met a man in a restaurant...a Czech living in Vienna...a Musician/concert pianist who was also a Psychiatrist.We exchanged addresses and wrote to each other for 4 years.I met husband no.2,had 4 children,divorced and 18months ago I contacted him.
Now living in Berlin,still a psychiatrist,and performed regularly with a Soprano.He told me he was single,never married and blah blah.
I could'nt bare being so far away from him.I got on a plane to Berlin.When I got to his unit,and had a shower,I noticed a long,brown hair.He denied that there was anything going on with the soprano.He goes to work...I find tampons,hair clips women's clothing and a childs pair of underwear...he still denies everything...they are his sisters things.He is unable to get an erection,for me,me,me....this is not possible!!!!I go to Greece,come home and call him.A woman answers the phone and doesn't speak English.I call my mother who speaks 7 languages and she calls.This guy is HER husband and they have 2 children together,in the Czech Republic!!!
This has been my experience of a long distance relationship.I had so many questions in my head,including..."did he think that because he was a psychiatrist that he could fool me?".He STILL denies it all,every month he e-mails me on a full moon to tell me he is still in love with me..(Full moon due to a beautiful song we both love by Dvorak),

Posted by: musicteacher at July 4, 2008 5:30 PM

Rodna......so sorry to hear what happened to your little girl....cannot even begin to imagine how hard life must be for you and your family!

I know the anger you feel when your child is mis-diagnosed and the pain and suffering they go through because of this. My oldest son had this happen when he younger....fortunately after an emergency operation...he was ok but was left with a reminder because of this particular doctor who I wanted to strangle at the time!

Posted by: brilliantblue at July 4, 2008 4:02 PM

Rodna, I just read the story about Adara, and I'm so sorry to hear what happened. It's just dreadful. My heart goes out to you and your exhusband and your children.

Posted by: waterbombe at July 4, 2008 2:47 PM

interestingbeancounter July 4, 2008 1:41 PM

Welcome to the sandpit.
Fire away with your interesting exposition on the topic now that you've had a dig.
I think you will find that the regulars have had their say early in the comments.
My experience as the travelling party in a LDR was it presaging a breakup.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at July 4, 2008 2:34 PM

There seem to be the same people on here and every other blog topic that are adding no value to the topic. It appears all they want to do is play "nutty" mind games. It would be really good if some bloggers who have experienced Long Distance Relationships issues jumped in and had their say!

Posted by: interestingencounter at July 4, 2008 1:41 PM

uncleike, as "nutty" as you deem nutbushcitylimits to be, the sad fact is, there are people blogging on here who are far, far nuttier, so it seems...

Posted by: malsie at July 4, 2008 12:43 PM

this is very sad as it affects children and young people, I read the story about Adara via google and I also know Eric, and ny heart breaks for all of you who have had these tragedys in your lives, and so sad, as they were all so young.

But I think we also need to look at good news too, about our children and young people......so good news for me..........my son has returned home from Iraq, so a few of us bloggers were at the street march in Brisbane last weekend. It brought me to tears, but they were happy tears as he is home in one piece, he just needs to reajust. to being out of the desert and being back in the city. It may take a little time. He will be home for 18 months...and then Afghanistan, so I am not thinking about that part until it happens..I am soooo happy he is back in Aus!!!!

Have a lovely day all...jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at July 4, 2008 9:14 AM

Well,everything happens for a reason..we went of the topic but we did something else....connected,shared,felt sadness together,are reminded that we do not have total control of our lives,right.A humbling experience.I hope you all have a great day.

Branzhatch,ill get some stamps next week and send you an email,

Posted by: musicteacher at July 4, 2008 8:08 AM

branzhatch
I shed a tear to your story. I shed a tear for the children in Cowra. I shed a tear for all the abused children. I shed a tear for the murdered wife in Melbourne. I shed a tear for all the world suffering. And when I think I have no tears left there will always be another story to shed another tear.
I am Australian and I stand proud to be one of those who are willing to shed a tear with you my brother. When the time comes we will stand united until we have no more tears to shed and we will rise to say "enough already" for we people who are good will see an end to the shedding of more tears.
Lots of love Rod

Posted by: tassiedude1 at July 4, 2008 1:23 AM

AUSTRALIA DAY 25 JANUARY 2006
Good morning to Karl, Sharryn and Leila and to all of you wherever you are watching on this Australia Day.
I would normally say something today which relates to the great symbol that this day
But it�s Thursday.
Many people, apparently, will be off work tomorrow, Friday, and so we will face a long weekend.
How many people are on the roads, one could never estimate.
But the one sobering thought is that if recent experience is anything to go by, we will all be at risk.
And how do we know it won�t be us.
Forgive me for telling you a story that ripped my heart when I read it this week about a man from East Maitland, outside Newcastle in New South Wales, Eric Noak. He could be what we would call an every man.
He has described himself as entering the month of December full of joy, having found beautiful love and after putting two failed marriages behind him.
He�s 57 years of age.
His wife was 29.
He described, in an interview with Sydney�s Daily Telegraph, how his wife had felt unwell and taken a sedative before she went for a sleep.
He ducked down the road to get what Australians always call �something for tea�. When he came back, the car was gone.
He assumed his wife had gone to pick up their two daughters, 9 and 7, from her parents� home nearby.
And when he rang her parents, they hadn�t seen her.
He worried.
He jumped in his car.
He had no sooner set out on his journey than he struck a traffic jam.
He asked the police what happened.
They told him there had been an accident.
He waited for nearly an hour on the side of the road before police returned to confirm to him what he feared in his heart, �It is your wife, Sir.�
29 years of age.
An accident on the New England Highway.
His wife�s car veered onto the wrong side of the road in broad daylight, 4 o�clock in the afternoon, and collided head on with a truck.
Eric�s wife was 29, one of 21 people killed on the roads in New South Wales between December 23 and January 26.
Now Mr. struggles to come to terms with his grief.
He is seeking counselling to help him.
He tells how he had been married twice before.
Then he met his wife almost 20 years younger in a hardware store.
She asked him out on a date.
He had finally found love.
Cindy was the love of his life.
And there are two gorgeous children.
And this weekend, he will collect her graduating certificate from a beauty college and says, �You just take someone for granted until they are gone.�
And that pain endured by Eric and his two daughters is a pain endured by hundreds and hundreds of Australians every long weekend.
You can have as many police as you like and spend billions on roads. But it�s up to us.
Let�s hope this Australia Day weekend can spare us the tragedy that confronted Eric
on that fateful morning of December 10 last year.
It seems trite to say be careful.

Posted by: branzhatch at July 4, 2008 12:02 AM

No, no T for terrorism, just a lot of blaming of course because apparently 'everyone' knew it was going to happen. The latest is that no safety checks were done when they should have been. The end result is of course, we are without necessary gas. It's really not too bad though if you have lots of blankets etc., but of course not everyone has. It is cold here at the moment but hey with my big pooch and two cuddly cats who cares..........poochesinperth

Posted by: iaminperth at July 3, 2008 11:02 PM

Branzhatch,,,Adara was my daughter,my name is Rodna.Yes,I would like you to send me the article.

Posted by: musicteacher at July 3, 2008 10:52 PM

The joy that each of these brings to the participants is what is important, not some judgement passed down by external observers.

Enough already. Be off.

Posted by: sunriselad at July 3, 2008 8:30 PM

Couldn't help but say how I like your style, "sunriselad". Best of luck with everything.

Posted by: graceandcharm at July 3, 2008 10:46 PM

iaminperth at July 3, 2008 9:37 PM
I thought you might have frozen and no longer been with us pooches.
When the gas plant at Longford in Victoria detonated 10 years ago we had to take cold showers for a few days.
I haven't seen the photos from Varanus but everybody is very tight lipped. Anyone mentioning the T for terrorism word?
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at July 3, 2008 10:28 PM

musicteacher I have no reason to disbelieve you and every word I said was true,
I would refer you to Alan Jones and the Australia day address he made in 2006.
It was shelved and he spoke at length of the death of my wife.
It was a full Page in the Daily Telegraph in the opinion column with photo.
And was front page and lead in story with most of the dailys in this state.
If you like I will send you the Opinions article which I still have ,you can also search the Archives of Alan Jones on Good Morning Australia on the Nine network, or through his radio station,to find the article, it is there in black and white, that is , the transcript of what he said that day.

Posted by: branzhatch at July 3, 2008 10:10 PM

Hey Willow, I would relate to that. I had a horse in Qld who was in full racing condition. He used to lay down in his stable and I would put his night rug on climbing all over him pushing straps thru his legs. My ex used to tell me off and that I made him an idiot but he won quite a few races and was the quietest best fun animals. Mind you, he could be temperamental as well but the real temperament was kind and gentle. My little burmese is named Willow...PussyWillow and she cuddles up with me every night at the moment because it is so cold in Perth at the moment. She just doesn't seem to realise that when it's raining cats are supposed to come in.
Sometimes she climbs on my bed absolutely dripping wet but it doesn't seem to bother her, she's not a fussy cat at all and doesn't seem to worry about anything except eating and making friends with all the neighbours.

Posted by: iaminperth at July 3, 2008 9:37 PM

branzhatch,waterbombe and lavenderbob(if you are remotely interested).Google "Adara Wasn't Pretending"...it's mostly there in black and white.

I apologise to everyone for going off the track,but My Lavenderbob decided to start this.
At least we know a little more about what other now.There is NOTHING worse than outliving your child!!!

Posted by: musicteacher at July 3, 2008 8:57 PM

Waterbombe, my intention or interest in contacting ppl from Melbourne was with a view to friendship, someone to go to a restaurant or the theatre with on the many occasions I am there for work, nothing more, and I MEAN nothing more. But my girl and I just clicked. And I am prepared to give it a good shot. So far it is just wonderful. It is like I have a city residence, and she has a country estate, and we seem to be having a lot of fun. And I have kids in Melbourne as well.

As for any disagreement, well we disagree on many things, and she is very capable of standing up for what she believes, believe me. But as far as the distance factor, it is more about exploring possibilities than a disagreement. We are both flexible as far as the future goes, and that makes the future an exciting thing.

My previous relationship was 24/7 for a long time. It did last over 25 years, I reckon we spent more time together than most lifetime partnerships. But that doesn't mean it was deleriously happy or fulfilling for either of us. I know of many loving, lifetime partnerships where at different times long periods of separation were the norm.

I do feel for my 22 yo daughter, whose partner is away for 9 months in the Gulf. But she shows more maturity about her circumstances than many people ever achieve. Her capacity for self-reliance, together with her amazing network of friends, will see her through any low times. (Heading up there soon for a couple of weeks to throw in my bit of support)

But back to topic, who writes handwritten letters anymore? Try it, even if your relationship is not long distance. A touch of your favourite scent, some kind, loving thoughts, and something simple becomes a treasured possession.

The world is full of a panoply of relationships, the whole gamut from Siamese Twin type pairings, to lovers whose sole contact is through the written word. The joy that each of these brings to the participants is what is important, not some judgement passed down by external observers.

Enough already. Be off.

Posted by: sunriselad at July 3, 2008 8:30 PM

Can I just say, that on a quick read of these blogs, there are people here who have survived incredible pain and hardship....why on earth do some other people continue to accuse, denigrate etc in order to talk themselves up..I have a few words to say here.....respect, understand, tolerate....not bad words to live by......hard to do though when you see what way other people behave......
Cheers,
B

Posted by: bm1960 at July 3, 2008 8:23 PM

I would like to hear your story.
I lost two children one 6 and the other 8 .
Their mother died in a car accident,but I think it was a suicide, I only left her for 5 minutes , when i came back she was in her car and hit a truck head on.

Posted by: branzhatch at July 3, 2008 7:48 PM

I wouldn't bet on meeting up with anyone when you do go though; and if you did, what sort of nick would you both be in?

On Reincarnation

Already have I once been a boy and a girl, and
a bush and a bird, and a silent fish in the sea.

EMPEDOCLES from Purifications

Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at July 3, 2008 7:14 PM

That's very sad, Musicteacher. I'm very sorry to hear what happened to you and your child. I had a similar experience, not exactly the same, but close. We pay a high price for medical incompetence....well, that's what it was in my child's case. But some doctors are overloaded and exhausted....the way the system exploits young doctors is dreadful.

Someone earlier on these blogs said that many people on here have a tragedy. Not that many people get through life unscathed ... just a lucky few. But you never know what is around the next corner, do you, so you might as well make the best of today, I think.

Posted by: waterbombe at July 3, 2008 6:19 PM

Lavenderbob,Waterbombe......hi

I won't die alone because my 4 year old,who died after being misdiagnosed,will be there with me.

Posted by: musicteacher at July 3, 2008 6:01 PM

I think that's true, you do not know how you will die. A friend's husband ws killed last week in a traffic accident. He was alone because no one got there in time. It can happen.

But this is getting a bit deep. What are we supoosed to be talking about? LDRs...

Sunriselad, it sounds like you might not agree with your partner that you two are best off apart for most of the time?

Posted by: waterbombe at July 3, 2008 4:50 PM

Lavenderbob:

Maybe you should think about what I said....which I said with empathy....do you know what that means? i won't die alone,
I can assure you of that.I was being completely realistic.Have a really great day,O.K.

Posted by: musicteacher at July 3, 2008 12:43 PM

Sunriselad - Congratulations -Good for you. Its lovely to hear positive stories like yours.

Perth - Glad to hear that your rescue was successful. Being an animal lover too, I love hearing about your menagerie.

Yesterday when I went home at lunchtime to see that someone had visited and left the gate open. Both dogs had stayed obediently in the yard, thank goodness.

One of the horses was lying prone with neck outstretched in an awkward position and I immediately thought "colic", but when I rushed into the paddock, he sat up and looked at me as if to say "what??". I thought, "I bet Perth would relate to that."

Posted by: willow29 at July 3, 2008 9:15 AM

I know a lot of married couples that have been together 24x7 okay, including myself for 29 years. If you have common interests then why would you not want to do as many things together as you can all the time? I have been working away from home sometimes for years (without any weekly telecommuting) and this has been a blessing when my marriage was stressed, but also a problem once the kids have grown up because your partner/wife may do the same!. (which mine did).
In regard to the blog topic; "the 2 years away" - Assuming this is a couple without children, then generally speaking, I couldn't see this relationship lasting very long unless:
a) there was frequent contact during that time including but not limited to phone calls, emails, weekends together in opposite locations. Note however, that depending on the distance and the country this can be a real challenge due to the costs or the limited comms technology!
b) there must be some rules or understanding on the "temptations" (that the blog topic refers to).

I actually am still working away from home right now (for the last 16 mths) - so I have given you comment from my experience.

What about some other blogers telling us of their long term (> 1 yr) distant city separation experiences?

Posted by: interestingencounter at July 2, 2008 10:15 PM

musicteacher.
I feel sorry for people with so much self defeating behaviour.
You will all die alone no doubt.
That's a horrible thing to say to anyone. No wonder you have your profile hidden, too ugly to reveal it.

Posted by: iaminperth at July 2, 2008 10:04 PM

Hi all, this is the first post I have made to these blogs. I have been an occasional reader for over a year, but I must admit I often find the discussion a bit too aggressive for my tastes.
But I thought I would add my tuppence worth to the conversation. I am in a relationship with a woman I met on RSVP, although we live 300 km apart. I am in the fortunate situation where work brings me to Melbourne fairly frequently, and we meet for weekends midway, when it doesn't otherwise suit. I have talked about the prospect of a job in the city, but I think she understands her country boy better than he does himself, and thinks we have the best of both worlds as it is.
She is a lovely woman, affectionate and understanding, with a wonderful circle of friends and family in Melbourne. What seems remarkable is that she was the first person I met through RSVP. I have only corresponded with 5 women in total through RSVP, and in addition to my 'girl', I am in regular correspondence, yes, friends, with two more of those women. I think myself extremely fortunate to have met 3 intelligent, personable, interesting people, that I sincerely hope are long term friendships, and to be in a wonderful relationship with my girl. (Well, she calls me her 'boy'!!)
My profile is visible at the moment, but I explicitly say that I am in a relationship, so that there are no misunderstandings.
That's all I have to say about that.
I would like to see people in these blogs treat each other with a bit more respect and courtesy. It might encourage a few more of us 'lurkers' out from behind the pot-plants in the corner. You never know, we might even have something of value to add to the conversation.

Posted by: sunriselad at July 2, 2008 9:58 PM

Hello Willow, Our little dove is fine, I think. I put him in a basket attached to the back fence and he sat there awhile preening and cleaning himself up and then flew away. I am hoping that he is alright. I have two doves who have taken to nesting in a tree in the backyard. I think this is because my dog keeps the cats away and she is not bothered by birds at all. I love wildlife of all kinds and quite happy when surrounded by animals so I hope I have done the right thing by this little dove and maybe he/she may come to visit again one day. I work in an industry which can be very harsh and upsetting at times so times with little doves, nice people and animals is very precious to me. And I am so proud of my other animals, 1 gsd and two cats, none of them tried to harm the little dove, I feel totally blessed at the moment and then it's back to harsh reality tomorrow morning.

Posted by: iaminperth at July 2, 2008 8:43 PM

Long distance seems to be great for starting a new relationship quickly. I telecommute for work on a weekly basis and found that using RSVP it had been very easy to make new contact. Then during the time you are away to the time of the first date, using emails and phone calls can build a large level of anticipation and desire (but generates huge phone bills!!). If the parties have been both truthfull about their profiles and pictures, the first dates can usually go exeptionally well - and yes in this day of virtual reality there can even be love before first sight!.
To keep a new long distance relationship going for an extended time without seeing each other on regular basis - is very hard, if not impossible. If you were in love, why would you do it? It would only survive if the job paid pretty good and allowed a budget for frequent travel for romantic meetings.
Long distance is however a bonus for a stressed relationship/marriage - it gives each partner a bit of a time out from each other and absence can make the heart grow fonder.
This only works however, provided the couples are still committed to each other rather than a separation.

Posted by: interestingencounter at July 2, 2008 7:19 PM

I feel sorry for anyone who finds themselves in this position.....it will either fail or be really tough going.

Posted by: musicteacher at July 2, 2008 7:07 PM

EE gone too? That's a shame, another entertaining poster. I hope it was because she found what she was looking for.

Posted by: willow29 at July 2, 2008 4:57 PM

Hooray Wombat, will miss you too, at least you were never boring, always worth a read, hope its for the right and just reasons you are going.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at July 2, 2008 4:16 PM

Marcus, EE is real and genuine and no longer on the blogs. rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at July 2, 2008 3:47 PM

ERAL - what a shame. I for one, will miss your witty comments. I hope this means you have found that "someone" but your post didnt suggest that. Good luck in your search. Bon voyage xx

Posted by: willow29 at July 2, 2008 3:32 PM

"And perhaps you have a much sharper and more malevolent( having, showing, or arising from intense often vicious ill will, spite, or hatred 2 : productive of harm or evil ) tongue than I had previously (and charitably) given you credit for. Have it your own way.

Whatever. Time I followed kurli's good example and spent less time here. And in my case, more time earning my living" bit harsh calling me malevolent and quite slanderous too....but good call TW on the rest and as you said yourself...Whatever!

Posted by: istj54 at July 2, 2008 1:53 PM

timewarp1 July 2, 2008 9:41 AM
EE is real?
Cheers Marquis

Posted by: laughsandtalks at July 2, 2008 12:41 PM

Ok well ( goodbye - all things must come to end, both the good and bad, and as i don't want to end up in a asylum, so my time in Blogville* draws its last grimace.

I thank you ALL for your past indulgence, and WISH YOU WERE HERE:

Found what I'd lost inside
My spirit has been purified
Take a thorn from my pride
And hand in hand we'll take a walk outside

Thank you for the sun the one that shines on everyone
Who feels love
Now there's a million years between my fantasies & fears
I feel love

I'm leaving all that I see
Now all my emotions fill the air I breath

Now you understand that this is not the promised land
They spoke of
There's nothing more to be
If you can be the remedy who heals love

x
ERAL,the one and only, "...,and always will be"

* sometimes aka, "bogvile", or was that just its doppelganger TW ? ohh right, your leaving too ! hahah

ALL ABOARD FOLKS, and Bon Voyage!

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at July 2, 2008 11:53 AM

Posted by: willow29 at July 2, 2008 9:03 AM

>>>We are all closer than we think. <<<

Like two ships that pass in the night ...alas.

or in the words of Bill Clinton: "Close, but no cigar."

Blessings Willow.
xox

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at July 2, 2008 11:41 AM

Murajaz, having read through most of your posts and the vitriol that you dish out I think it is about time that you put up your profile. Andf revealed who you are.

Dont give me the crap about some other site or that you are dating someone. Your posts indicate you have not had a date in years much less enjoyed the favours of any femme.

To make it easier for you dont include pictures. Seeing you wont do anyone any good.

But if you want to dish it out on the blogs have the courage to reveal your profile as others have done. Or go away and hide in your tine mind. rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at July 2, 2008 10:05 AM

eastofcbd at 8:32am: Reality-validation process: send a stamped email to a frequent blogger in your city, asking to meet.

If that's Melb I'd suggest Kaz or VDU. Both 100% fair dinkum and no tricky games.

Meet, then ask for them to vouch for you on the blog, as E.E. has just done for kurli in Brisbane.

Off to work.

Posted by: timewarp1 at July 2, 2008 9:41 AM

Out of topic: Perth, how is the dove?

Posted by: willow29 at July 2, 2008 9:06 AM

Thanks WB for your concern but there wasn't actually any "night life" lol.

I realised last night that my little sister lives within walking distance of ERaL's postcode. We are all closer than we think.

Posted by: willow29 at July 2, 2008 9:03 AM

No one has met me... yet. I am real, trust me. Or am I? I will just sit here waiting for my knight is slightly rusty armour.

Posted by: eastofcbd at July 2, 2008 8:32 AM

Ha ha ha, that's funny, TW...bookish!!!!! That's so far from accurate it has me rolling on the floor. Where did you get that from???? Norty, norty, don't judge a book by its cover.

Posted by: waterbombe at July 2, 2008 7:52 AM

Silent, Murty? What...you can't produce the "you're an unnattractive woman who will never find a man because you're too outspoken" line?

Posted by: waterbombe at July 1, 2008 11:15 PM

Well I don't look for a relationship any more, Murty, because I have one...I've been in a relationship since last year. My Adonis is definitely not inanimate...ha ha.

Posted by: waterbombe at July 1, 2008 9:50 PM

Of course I'm interested in Willow's night life...it sounded fascinating and a tad risky. Remember she told us about it, TW. But I don't have to live vicariously ... You forget that I have my own Adonis to sleep with each night...and consequently no time at all to 'think of others' in the evenings. So I like to be thoughtful about others' welfare during the day. I'm just that kind of girl...

What's this blog about...oh yeah. LDRs. Nup. Never again. Even 30 mins drive at night, and the resultant 1 hour drive to work the next day, gets too much when done 2-3 times a week. Travel is a killer. I don't know how you guys do it.

I could do it on a plane though. That's exciting and adventurous....but on second thoughts, its hard to turn into a real life relationship without one of you completely uprooted...and that takes its toll eventually.

Posted by: waterbombe at July 1, 2008 7:36 PM

No, no, no no yessss....Murta, Earl has all the hats, or, should we say, carries all the cards?...but he has no puppets...that I know of. I have never met TW, only you...but he is such a drama q***n that he thinks that every post, or poster, is highly suspicious...He thinks you are someone else and that I am one of his puppets...but all will be revealed by day's end, I am sure:))
TW...it is not nice to reveal private stuff on the blogs...a lesson you should have learned by now.

Posted by: istj54 at July 1, 2008 11:36 AM

Oh Timewarp, how sad! There you go - always two sides to a story.

Leiknir - Enjoy it while you can. The advantages of travelling are that the other can show you around a new place. If it works, then great. If not, you've had an adventure and hopefully made a good friend.

Posted by: willow29 at July 1, 2008 10:29 AM

Posted by: timewarp1 at July 1, 2008 12:25 AM....TW, once again you are so laughably wrong that it beggars belief that you do have a mensa level IQ...Murtajaz is so not the man you are thinking he is...and I am so not one of his puppets.

Posted by: istj54 at July 1, 2008 9:26 AM

willow29 at 2.13pm: I heard the other side of the story from one of those women, and it was actually a little bit different.

She was wonderfully wooed from afar with 500 romantic emails at the rate of 100 a month, delightfully entertained while there for 3 weeks, tenderly farewelled, and when she got home 2 states away, savagely dumped in a 6-line email.

Then simultaneously and savagely attacked on the blogs by 2 of his female puppets.

Tsk tsk.

Posted by: timewarp1 at July 1, 2008 12:25 AM

Myself I have tried many long distance relationships in the past. As far to say I've even flown to America for 3 months to see how we were in the flesh. Suffice to say we came out just mates, was still worth the effort. How ever many have failed too. Resulting in myself being burned heavily after meeting. Many years ago however. Recently over rsvp, i gained the attention of one woman, whom lives in Melbourne, and I am in Sydney. After emailing each other, we're really starting to click. I am getting worried about the distance thing now again. Sure flights are cheaper these days, alot cheaper to drive. I want to go see her, I just know how excited I should get about this if the distance is going to be a killer. I mean, Melbourne isn't exactly going to Texas, so I think I should try. She is also 29 and I'm 22, however I don't think thats a real issue if we're clicking so well. I just get worried about distance sometimes =/.. I just hope it can stay alive while we're so far apart. I just fear of drifting.

Posted by: leiknir at June 30, 2008 4:22 PM

Hi Murtajaz, yes he was very respectful and setting your guests up in their own room is a very proper thing for you to do. Im sure their seduction of you was very nice, shame about the running though!

Posted by: willow29 at June 30, 2008 2:13 PM

ERAL you are so on the spot that I was blushing reading your post!

I cooked, (we were both satisfied in that department),so there was no paying for dinner -which I thought was only fair compared to the price of fuel over 600km each way.

As to the rest, you penned my feelings quite accurately ; )

Posted by: willow29 at June 30, 2008 12:35 PM

Posted by: willow29 at June 30, 2008 9:20 AM
>>It was nice and companiable. And that's all. Not sure if Im relieved or disappointed but it was a nice weekend.<<

I love that - its so telling .
(not really a good sign is it ?)

A woman knows within minutes of meeting a man, whether or not she willing/wants/would like, to sleep with a man or not. (actually a 1/4 of the brain is designed to help you make that decision in a blink of the eye and easily overrides the other 1/4 - LOL )

If he was going to become your next lover, you would have expected him to make a move; of course, you would have had to reject his first advance, just in order to protect your honor, and more importantly, to test his sincerity, as well as his power to charm you around.

No testing of the waters? Your a attractive woman, so the though must have crossed his mind (and yours) ...

So, seems hes not going to be your lover (!), unless of course you decide to give him another chance - but he better bring is bat and balls next time ! ( ok.. ok ...you player haters , game killers, and fun spoilers - its just human nature !)

That implication since he didn't make a move could mean one of two things: he either wants to be friends first, and that could be tough to turn around later; or he wants to be prove he is a long term ~ 'husband material' type, in which case, "no nooky,heres a cookie" is the name of the game, the winner( or loser) being the one who can hold out the longest (making the price of your sexual favors a very dear investment and one that needs to be protected and maintained for years to come).

Doesn't sound like much fun to me. Each to their own though.

Willow - not to pry, but i'm just kinda curious... did he pay for dinner (and drinks?), and did he bring you a nice gift? (minimum price of (errr...) entry.)

3 Cheers, Willow.

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at June 30, 2008 12:00 PM

Thanks Jen, not sure; will play it by ear.

Loved it that my old bitch liked him immensely, lol.

Posted by: willow29 at June 30, 2008 11:16 AM

junebaby57 at 10:02pm: "and timewarp, you have not met Brilliant so pull your head in...."

Ma'am, you are snarling up quite the wrong tree. My little stir at WB at 6.52pm was about her obviously keen interest in willow29's nocturnal arrangements.

An apology would be in order I think.

Posted by: timewarp1 at June 30, 2008 10:42 AM

Hi Willow - Glad you had a good time. Sounds a lovely weekend. I want that!!!!

Whens the next meet?

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at June 30, 2008 10:38 AM

Hi all, Thanks to Kisskat and Jenniferhi for their well-wishes. Yes, we did speak about that before he came and decided what will be will be but you never know whether the spark will spill be there in person (ie romance killer blog).

Yes we had a nice weekend. He was an absolute gentleman in every sense of the word. We did the tourist thing, went horseriding (his request before he came up), wined and dined.

It was nice and companiable. And that's all. Not sure if Im relieved or disappointed but it was a nice weekend.

Posted by: willow29 at June 30, 2008 9:20 AM

captn......having met Brilliant in sydney, more than once, I can vouch that she is not Hiddencharms...who hails from Brisvegas.....and timewarp, you have not met Brilliant so pull your head in.....I have met in person, both WB and BB, so cut out the crappy posts.
Ditto from dolphin46...we are both in Brisvegas as we write...have a lovely evening all....jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at June 29, 2008 10:02 PM

WB at 1.46pm: Living vicariously again?

Posted by: timewarp1 at June 29, 2008 6:52 PM

BrillaintBlue isn't HiddenCharms, Cap'n...they are quite distinct people. BB is feisty, but a short acquaintance will clarify the difference.

Willow, what makes you invite someone to drive six hours to meet you...and what makes him want to...there must have been serious chemistry between you. I doubt the hottie was needed. Or maybe the hottie wasn't in a bottle....

Posted by: waterbombe at June 29, 2008 1:46 PM

Posted by: willow29 at June 27, 2008 2:52 PM

ooh willow, please be careful....i hope your date went well (as im reading your blog the morning after), but i would think that making sure someone understands where they stand (or lie in this case!) is pretty important before the date is agreed, especially when the person is invited to stay over (in any room).

i hope he was a gentleman.

i would just be concerned that if most guys think "coming in for coffee" means sex, what would a six hour drive & an invite to sleep over in the spare room mean?

i am not being judgmental at all so please dont take it that way. maybe i am just OVER cautious but your blog made me nervous on your behalf.

Posted by: kisskat at June 28, 2008 7:34 AM

Stu @ 7.24.pm
It is all relative to what you desire, agreed in your case Blues scheme is not an option, but as you get older or much older again, it is a prefered option to many, assets of heritage are protected, space is achieved but the comforts are there and your own place is maintained. Even if travell is involved, the only complication I can see is pets, unless some kind neighbour will look after them on visits. The old story horses for courses
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at June 27, 2008 10:36 PM

brilliantblue
I too have spent the majority of my adult life alone, 17 from 23 years infact.
And whilst there are definate advantages to singledom and living alone.

Having a relationship is releasing your independance, becoming a couple rather than two single people, giving yourself fully to each other without taking away the things that make you what you are.
Adding all the best bits of two and making an even better one.

Otherwise I guess it is a great friendshiop, short term relationship but ultimately won't last. It is like being kind of pregnant, or pregnant when you want to be with an opt out clause. Certainly I am after the all or nothing approach, properly or not at all..

It is a big leap of faith to give your all I know, especially if you have been badly burned before, but ultimately the only way to the best relationships. As soon as one partner holds something back it will fail.

Posted by: creativestuart at June 27, 2008 7:24 PM

Creativestuart....why can't you have a great relationship but live in separate houses...get together when you would both like to....I like my own space and after years of being on my own doubt that I could do the whole move in together scenario but what do they say "Never say never" Just expressing my views of where I'm at....at this point in time!

Posted by: brilliantblue at June 27, 2008 5:52 PM

Willow29 - Wouldn't you have already discussed a lot of all that before inviting him to your home? There has to be a spark of interest to a fair degree. I do hope it goes well. Have a great week-end. Jen.

Posted by: jenniferhi at June 27, 2008 5:47 PM

BrilliantBlue. Have you ever blogged under the name of HiddenCharms?

Posted by: captainstarlight at June 27, 2008 5:29 PM

Brilliant Blue....
"I'm not prepared to ever move in with someone if it works" ????

Isn't "moving in" and being with someone what a relationship is?

Surely otherwise you are just friends?

Posted by: creativestuart at June 27, 2008 4:00 PM

Today I have a potential suitor who is on his last hour of a 6 hour drive. We will have a lovely dinner, a roaring fire, nice wine and then I hope he enjoys the hot water bottle in the spare bedroom.

That's the difficult thing - when someone has travelled all that way (or you have), are the expectations different? Will the entertainment I have planned be different from what he expects?

Posted by: willow29 at June 27, 2008 2:52 PM

murtajaz - do what ever suits you, that's everyone's prerogative.

Posted by: woodnwine at June 27, 2008 1:43 PM

murtajaz - I used to go out with someone who lived an hour away, so going to her place for dinner involved 2 hours of driving after getting home from work, showering and changing. After doing this a few nights a week, I began to get very tired.

But anyway, what did I say that prompted your question to me?

Posted by: woodnwine at June 27, 2008 1:13 PM

murtajaz

It is not just Sydney!

I feel exactally the same way here. The number of times I have been told I am too far away is rediculous.

As soon as the Deer Park Bypas is done there will be no tolls, or traffic lights between me and South Melbourne and it will be about 45 mins drive

Few people in Melboune willl have that yet I am the one too far?

Someone will realise one day and see that this lifestyle is as fabulous as I do!

Posted by: creativestuart at June 27, 2008 12:48 PM

Yes Murtajaz....I'm not prepared to travel from the north over to the other side of Sydney....the city and northern beachs are my limit!
I could not see a relationship working when I work 5 days a week and with over an hour or more travelling time each way just to see them! I'm not prepared to ever move in with someone if it works so really think it would be quite stupid to look for someone that would mean hours of travelling!
Great to see you and others are prepared to do this!

Posted by: brilliantblue at June 27, 2008 12:42 PM

noname - you are so right.

Posted by: woodnwine at June 27, 2008 10:52 AM

Woodnwine-sounds to me like you are speaking from personal experience when you say you would rather drive for an hour to be met with a warm smile. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.So is timing. Unfortunately many lose out on someone truly wonderful because they get caught up in expending energy on someone from the past that is not worthy, and in doing so miss out on someone more suitable in the present.

Posted by: nonamenopackdrill at June 26, 2008 5:22 PM

merdejaz at 10.45pm: "Squishy"? Slang term from since my day, mate. Bring me up to speed, eh?

Posted by: timewarp1 at June 26, 2008 10:51 AM

waterbombe at 9:50pm: Speaking for myself only, TWEE is fine as an acronym, but if you meant twee, count yourself in with Marcustan and merdejaz in my reply post to them just then, in the Beautiful blog.

As for the beautiful dowager princess, ask her for her separate permission yourself.

Posted by: timewarp1 at June 26, 2008 10:35 AM

Thanks OG. Have a look at the Beautiful blog, I just gave Tassiedude a bit of advice there, but he could use some more help. The poor young man is about to step into a chasm.

Posted by: waterbombe at June 26, 2008 8:25 AM

WB.
without any personalities involved, just on the pure wit of it @ your post @ 9.50 pm
Superlative,
wished I had have come up with it. LOL
Really
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at June 25, 2008 11:55 PM

merdejaz at 8.28pm: I'm very sorry I had to upset you by saying something that isn't the sort of savage negative put-down snarl that would make you feel more comfortable about yourself, and your posts.
I would have preferred to save you the anguish of reading something positive and warm (if not totally crawling with boy-germs), but I couldn't contact the lady off-blog, because I don't have any stamps at the moment.
And with my credit card maxed till I get some money on Friday, I can't buy even a 6-pack of stamps, to let me reply to some recent invitations to email.

Posted by: timewarp1 at June 25, 2008 10:22 PM

My God, TW and EE...be careful or we will be calling you TWEE.

Posted by: waterbombe at June 25, 2008 9:50 PM

merdejaz: A strong laxative would probably get some of it off your liver, and thus relieve your unbearable headache. Or a fast 400 mtr run does it for small dogs.

Posted by: timewarp1 at June 25, 2008 6:31 PM

EE at 3.22pm: I am touched to the heart. Never been so graciously acknowledged in my life. Makes everything worthwhile. Thank you milady. You have made this a red email day in my life.

Posted by: timewarp1 at June 25, 2008 5:06 PM

Am I for real? (murtajaz 4:15pm, with no access to his/her profile).
Yep, was when I last looked! And I can speak of love without being embarassed, and I can be romantic...and I am sure that TW gets it...and as he was the intended recipient...

Posted by: eleganteloquent at June 25, 2008 4:25 PM

Emotional distance can indeed be insurmountable. Better to drive for an hour and receive a warm welcome than to walk into the next room and be ignored.

Posted by: woodnwine at June 25, 2008 3:56 PM

TW you are a knight in shining armour, as always. I did read your comments in the other blog and you really were so lovely, as you are here.
People don't get to know one tiny element of what I am really about most of the time. That takes time and effort. But when someone truly has been a Deputy High Commissioner, and has done amazing things with his life, turns and says he is awestruck by me, has never known anyone like me, it shows something of what I am about....and that is the person, not the type of woman that you-know-who on the other blog hints at my being (very insulting and more of a measure of his mind than anything else). So this man in other state was not for me, but did recognise something of my quality and standards, and yes, he should have figured that before and I should have expected more....but lies are never really obvious until they are found out....and taking risks is all part of the game of searching for love, so no regrets. My only real regret would have been if I had not taken risks, as I do in life, and they have usually served me very well.
You took risks with your heart with your lady. Courage, coeur de lyon! That is one of the most important aspects of the search for love, to keep your heart open even when it is hurt, and to forge forward with some sense of innocence retained....and hope never lost...because I know, as I am sure you do also, that nobody is put on this earth to be alone but some choose not to have the courage to grow into the challenges of sharing the real intimacy which is that of the heart.
Love is truly the central point of being human, loving self, loving others, and being open to finding the one true love. And if that requires a search to unexpected corners of the globe then so be it...with all your very worldly-wise advice taken into my heart.
Go sweetly into your world, gentle knight...there is a fair maiden waiting for you also.

Posted by: eleganteloquent at June 25, 2008 3:22 PM

Marcustan at 2.27am, June 25: "Just as fraught as long distance love are the situations where there is great emotional distance but close physical proximity."

Mate, I think that one's easy - just give up straight away, because you're chalk and cheese. Unless you're hitched with kids. Then it may be worth trying to reduce the emotional distance.

Posted by: timewarp1 at June 25, 2008 2:10 PM

eleganteloquent at June 23, 3:23pm: Finally found your full report on your weekend disaster, just then. I'm trying to save time for the rest of my life by monitoring only one blog at a time.

I'd been worried about your obvious euphoria before you left, shared with us on the blog. It seemed to match my recent delight, which had just blown up in my face. On the blog.

Day 3 seems a little late for him to be coming clean. Hope he hadn't made any headway in the meantime, under false pretenses.

Please read my thing in the current main blog about winners/givers and losers/users. Yesterday I think.

If you're top-drawer or better, as you certainly are, it's up to the other party to prove he's your match. Your match can afford to fly up to your city and stay in a 5-star for the weekend, rent a car and take you out to dinner. On him. And out for the day on Sunday. With no monkey business till the 4th such weekend.

Begin by expecting all that, and mentioning it about email No. 2. You need to warn off the tyre-kickers as well as the users, and your true match will relish the challenge, rather than seeing it as all too hard. Best of British, lass.

Posted by: timewarp1 at June 25, 2008 2:06 PM

Yes perth ... sometimes no relationship at all is better than a difficult one. However, some people like a LOT of space in a relationship so it may suit them.

Posted by: woodnwine at June 25, 2008 10:06 AM

I would prefer no relationship at all than to be lonely with another person.

Posted by: iaminperth at June 25, 2008 9:25 AM

Well summed up waterlilly.

Posted by: woodnwine at June 25, 2008 8:22 AM

Just as fraught as long distance love are the situations where there is great emotional distance but close physical proximity.

Posted by: laughsandtalks at June 25, 2008 2:27 AM

Sorry about the spelling, typing under the blankets to keep warm.

Posted by: iaminperth at June 24, 2008 11:10 PM

wat