RSVP

oh how wonderful to meet such lovely people who are so appreciative of each other siggh my day is made,wait till i tip toe thru the tulips once again and take another enlightene gasp of weed

Posted by: branzhatch at July 3, 2008 7:46 PM

I think so, Missrule. And it would appeal to Marcus to be the 'prover'.

Posted by: waterbombe at July 3, 2008 3:19 PM

Hey Waterbombe, could this be the final proof that men look on love and sex as totally separate? (That was a JOKE, boys!)

Posted by: missrule at July 3, 2008 1:22 PM

Very funny, Cap'n. There is a fair bit of blog tension to measure at times, so perhaps you could give us a read-out from time to time when it seems things are not staying nice in here?

God knows, MArcus, you should blush with some of the stuff you write. All those absolutely gross anatomical descriptions of sex and you don't produce a single fleeting blush and yet a bit of love poetry wings your way and you've gone all gooey...I suspect some internal tension, young man. Perhaps you could borrow the Cap'ns DeFIBulator lie detector spy equipment to measure it.

Posted by: waterbombe at July 3, 2008 10:59 AM

Iaminperth, it is by a 1st-century Roman poet named Catullus, and is IMHO some of the most beautiful love poetry ever written. This one has been translated many times across the centuries but always loses something, possibly because our language is too clumsily Anglo-Saxon and it just doesn't work ... much of Catullus's work is erotic and often obscene but this particular example is so gorgeous it always makes me go mushy. Those Romans knew a thing or 2,000 about love, lust, romance (Romans? romance? Latin lovers, get the connection?!), decadence, orgies ... need I go on? (rhetorical - I'm shutting up!)

If you're curious enough to want a translation, google Catullus da mi basia mille and you'll find many.

Marcus, I suspect that despite your often determined efforts to prove otherwise, you are actually rather sweet ;)

Captain, dunno who you mean but I love "DeFIBulator" - nice one!

Posted by: missrule at July 3, 2008 8:21 AM

I have minutely and forensically examined all the blog entries, using a DeFIBulator lie detector spy equipment, which incidentally utilizes blog tension technology to measure varying degrees of vibration in the blog, and having taken a microscope to the photo appended to Kurli’s photo included with “her” profile, and with all the evidence at my disposal I have come to the conclusion that Kurli was at all times real and not Timewarp’s sock puppet.

One leaves, another idiot takes his place.

The Fat Controller use to say stupid things like that- he who told a female that “he didn’t want to see her blogging again” as if he controlled the blogs, then used to stick his ugly face into young girl’s side windows (as if they would be in the least bit interested in an escapee from a nursing home).

Another clown steps right into his shoes. The supply of nutcases is inexhaustible it would appear.

Posted by: captainstarlight at July 3, 2008 7:54 AM

Troy, July 2 @ 9:00 AM

Hi Troy,
You don't want to know!
I think Marcus may be right, maybe I really am just a "reconstituted" virgin!!

Posted by: amberlight58 at July 3, 2008 12:05 AM

missrule at July 2, 2008 8:29 PM

I'm blushing. How nice. As many to you too.
XXX
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at July 2, 2008 10:55 PM

This one's for Marcus:
"Da mi basia mille, deinde centum,
dein mille altera, dein secunda centum,
deinde usque altera mille, deinde centum.
dein, cum milia multa fecerimus,
conturbabimus illa, ne sciamus,
aut ne quis malus inuidere possit,
cum tantum sciat esse basiorum..."
Aaaaaaaaaaaah ...... They don't write 'em like that any more.........so what does all that stuff mean ????

Posted by: iaminperth at July 2, 2008 10:01 PM

waternymph, quite possibly a pro wouldn't want the hassle either.............k

Posted by: auntykaz at July 2, 2008 7:39 PM

Murky

For starters you have not dated any women, let alone women who have been “kicked” off, which, incidentally, has not happened.

Unlike certain bi’s on here I don’t need more than one profile.

When your reality horizon starts to blur my friend, you know you need T-H-E-R-A-P-Y.

And as for the women you refer to, you have lost out big time.

They are welcome to join me in my next expedition in search of the Kingdom of the Damned, King Solomon’s Mines and the Spanish Bullion buried off the North Queensland coast (mind you I can’t help it if one of them says that she prefers to go to Bali, but that is her problem)

Posted by: captainstarlight at July 2, 2008 11:27 AM

Hey amber, how's the email coming along? I'm just a sticky beak :-)

Troy

Posted by: troyohboy at July 2, 2008 9:00 AM

Posted by: timewarp1 at July 1, 2008 11:24 PM

Hey TW, I'm so glad I'm average. No degrees, left school after year 10, just detested the regimentation, to became a carpenter. Thirty years later, several successful businesses in such widely different fields I wonder sometimes how I got here. Yay for being average if mega IQ means two bucks an hour haha.

By the way, not having a go at you old mate but many of us have had set backs and been required to work ridiculous hours as well as suffering tremendous stress. I could also tell heaps of stories but, who cares really.

Troy

Posted by: troyohboy at July 2, 2008 8:59 AM

TW, if you see me everywhere, you must be there too.

Posted by: waterbombe at July 2, 2008 7:56 AM

Murky Jazz is seeing someone alright.

It's called a C-O-N-S-U-L-T-A-T-I-O-N.

Bout time a few professionals moved on to this site and sorted them all out

Posted by: captainstarlight at July 2, 2008 6:54 AM

Marcus @ 6:52PM
Yes I do remember asking you about my radio reception in my steel-framed house a few months ago.
I thought I thanked you for your suggestions, but if I didn't, I apologise for the over-sight. It was rude of me.
Thank you for your help. I don't think I have solved it entirely yet.

Posted by: amberlight58 at July 1, 2008 11:47 PM

waterbombe at 10:10pm: I flit from blog to blog, and there you are everywhere, criticising me for something or other. Or criticising someone else - or anyone else will do. It must be your nature.

Yes - it was unwise of me. One should always guard against being happy in public. I guess I'm naive too. Pity about that.

Posted by: timewarp1 at July 1, 2008 11:38 PM

iaminperth at 8:51pm: You're asking "If you're so smart, why ain't you rich?" I relate to your stablemate's son who was clever, went to Uni and then did not do as well as he could have.

At high school (Brisbane's Churchie) I topped 150 boys in the first-term exam, then got polio next month and had 5 months in hospital. Worked back up to being in the top half dozen out of 90 by year 12, and in the Qld Senior/Uni entrance exam I came 15th in the State.

Got to Uni and there were no weekly tests, no way of knowing how I was going against the others, and so many entrancing distractions, especially girls. Without the competition I did far too little work and just scratched through first year Chem Engineering. But coached my spastic younger brother to a pass in his year 10 maths, so he "passed his Junior Exam".

In second year I changed to mechanical engineering. I had a serious head-on car crash a fortnight before the end-of-year exams, and mental blackouts during the exams. Otherwise would have just passed.

Repeated second year, but had been elected day-student vice president of the students union. I put most of my effort into being a voluntary business executive - at UQ the union ran the refectories at the different campuses and the theatre, and also had big input that year into the design of the new concrete-not-fibro student-facilities buildings.

Failed again, so got a job and did Commerce at night (and was elected evening vice president of the Union.)
.............................................................

Down the track I came home for lunch from the first paper in Business Finance which I was repeating. (I'd failed it the year before - out of my depth in a job over 20 people in 3 departments, working 65-70 hours a week to keep the job, and something had to give.)

Note from wife Joan on the back door "Your mother (3km away) is having a heart attack. Join me there." Once I had, and Mum was in hospital, I thought "Well maybe I'm destined never to have a degree. I have had an excellent education." And didn't go back to Cloudland over an hour late, for the second paper.

So I failed a compulsory subject twice = gross failure and Out. It was my 2nd last subject for my B. Com.

Back then, your earning power was much less without a Ticket, and I didn't have any tickets.

And once I had my own business, I always charged too little to be sure of making the sale, and was too easy on my employees. Paid them too much, and didn't work them as hard as my competitors worked theirs.

Ans I was often the lowest-paid on my payroll. In the '92 recession I dropped myself back to $2 an hour plus petrol and phone (all that the business could afford, even after my 5 staff had put themselves on a 4-day week for 4 days' pay, bless them).

Despite working 80-85 hours a week, Joan complained that her teacher's salary now had to pay for some of the groceries, for the first time in 25 years.

Never been selfish enough, I guess. Real character flaw, when it comes to being successful in life.

Posted by: timewarp1 at July 1, 2008 11:24 PM

She was probably aghast, TW, and couldn't believe you would do it again...and again...and again. By the time she gathered evidence that you were a serial exposer, she was so offended that your goose was cooked. Don't blame her for not saying anything early on ... if you are going to apportion blame, blame yourself for saying too much early on.

Posted by: waterbombe at July 1, 2008 10:10 PM

grego7 at 10:39am: "Bill and Marcus,
I am enjoyong your sparring immensly. I had Bill well up on points until Marcus post 10.52 pm yesterday. That one put Bill on the canvas at least for a moment. We await his recovery."

Mate, remind us never to give you the job of scorer.

I think what you meant was " I had Bill well up on points til he exposed his jaw at 10.52pm and Marcus contacted it and floored him at 4.17am"

I don't know if I'm even up on one knee yet.

amberlight58 at 2:25pm: Don't be hard on Marcus. He was dead right about the hubris and the E.Q, and I deserved to eat some dirt. I just wish she'd warned me off in private straight away that I was being too public for her.

Posted by: timewarp1 at July 1, 2008 9:47 PM

What I don't understand TW is by your own words you were broke and struggling trying to educate your kids, you are broke most of the time now so with all that education how come you were never able to earn a decent living.

Posted by: iaminperth at July 1, 2008 8:51 PM

auntykaz July 1, 2008 7:58 PM

Marcus, what was that again ???...didn't quite get it the first time round.................K

Which bit dear? She was blaming blokes for being blokes I think.

Posted by: laughsandtalks at July 1, 2008 8:35 PM

drew a blank here too, Sparkus. WOT???

Posted by: waterbombe at July 1, 2008 8:33 PM

Murtajaz, what a load of the proverbial crap.................K

Posted by: auntykaz at July 1, 2008 8:29 PM

Marcus, what was that again ???...didn't quite get it the first time round.................K

Posted by: auntykaz at July 1, 2008 7:58 PM

waternymph47 at July 1, 2008 4:33 PM
You wrote;
"Sadly it is all too often that a man's ego will not stand up to surviving a relationship with a woman who is smarter, brighter, wealthier or more accomplished than he is..."
Obviously the converse is true as well and partners broadly need to be a fit to work and be complimentary or synergistic.
How do you measure female smartness, brightness and accomplishment: they are all subjectives? Where is the evidence that ego bruising rather than a plain old mismatch makes the bloke retreat in fear?

Good old Warped was at his egregious, sychophantic worst when he directed his "Someone who is secure enough in himself not to be threatened by others' excellence." at elephantsego. As a line to a psuedo intellectual perhaps but I can think of many mature couples who both excel and have first class relationships. And after all surely a measure of smartness is knowing what yanks the others chain and not doing it. Men are a lot stronger and more aggressive than women but don't have to frequently prove it with beltings.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at July 1, 2008 7:33 PM

Hello everyone, if you want to be more obscure, just type up your post, copy it (Control-C). google and open Babelfish, choose your language (Latin seems to be the dish dejour) and paste (Control-V). It will make you seem eddicated.

Posted by: waterbombe at July 1, 2008 7:13 PM

amberblight58 July 1, 2008 2:25 PM.
I seem to remember trying to sort out a TV reception issue in a steel house for you and not so much as even being acknowledged.

You spend far too much time with your hand over mouth and eyes goggling.
Hows about not worrying about my 4.00 am antics and getting on with organising that first email or date or whatever with whoever?
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at July 1, 2008 6:52 PM

murtajaz @ 2.09pm...

How do you receive emails with a hidden profile?

Posted by: decoratress at July 1, 2008 6:30 PM

Quoting Cicero or Virgil definitely comes under the heading of romance-starter, not killer - lucky for you you're safe in Vic, Tullius ;)

Posted by: missrule at July 1, 2008 6:01 PM

Marcus Tullius: Absolutely, that's why we're all here. Dincha like the Latin pun tho, dincha dincha? :D

Murtajaz, I've had similar messages - these are con artists who will try at some stage to get money out of you for their fare to visit you, their elderly mum's cataract op or whatever. Do report the profile to RSVP admin.

Posted by: missrule at July 1, 2008 5:49 PM

It is always easy to find reasons why the The Romance" didnt last past a date or 2. Sadly it is all too often that a man's ego will not stand up to surviving a relationship with a woman who is smarter, brighter, wealthier or more accomplished than he is.Man has grown with the misconception that a beautiful partner is a greater asset .. so long as she does not challenge him or out do him in anyway .. So sad!!
It becomes almost impossible as we grow older for a woman to find ..
"Someone who is secure enough in himself not to be threatened by others' excellence."
.. as Timewarp so sagely put it!

Posted by: waternymph47 at July 1, 2008 4:33 PM

i � j k�. l�, l l, � l m�? n�!

( thanks Merkin ! - you just quadrupled my typing speed !)

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at July 1, 2008 3:37 PM

missrule at July 12008 6:27 AM

"Verum ergo illud est, quod a Tarentino Archyta, ut opinor, dici solitum nostros senes commemorare audivi ab aliis senibus auditum: si quis in caelum ascendisset naturamque mundi et pulchritudinem siderum perspexisset, insuavem illam admirationem ei fore, quae iucundissima fuisset, si aliquem cui narraret habuisset. Sic natura solitarium nihil amat semperque ad aliquod tamquam adminiculum adnititur, quod in amicissimo quoque dulcissimum est",
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at July 1, 2008 2:30 PM

Marcus @ 4:12 AM,
You can be quite witty, clever and succinct sometimes, but then you often feel you need to resort to schoolyard nastiness.
It's not a nice look.
Does it brighten up your day?
Sure does nothing for mine!

Posted by: amberlight58 at July 1, 2008 2:25 PM

Missrule, @ 6:41 am. I agree entirely with your sentiments there!
And @ 8:32 am: yay!

TW, you would have been a rare find in your generation!
Your appreciation of the role of a mother is admirable. I expect as it seems you really shared the "down" times with your wife, it comes from lots of experience!
I know lots of younger blokes these days who really "share the load" when it comes to crying babies in the middle of the night, but it seems to me this is a fairly recent phenomenom, due to the fact that many of today's younger women have much higher expectations of their partners, than my generation did.

I imagine not too many women aged from their mid 30s upwards, would ever have experienced that kind of support with a crying baby that you gave your wife, in the middle of a long, long exhausting night!

Posted by: amberlight58 at July 1, 2008 1:55 PM

Posted by: murtajaz at July 1, 2008 11:02 AM

Mate, are you just tired of using punctuation? (like commas, semicolons,colons or full stops)

Or .....are....you.... speak...ing....slow..ly....for ...the...nat...ur...al...blondes...?

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at July 1, 2008 11:24 AM

Any woman who excels in any particular attribute will find some men are intimidated by that attribute. Whether the attribute be intelligence or superior sporting skill.

A woman should not hold back on her talents to please some man. Such men are not worth it.

There are however men out there who are confident enough in themselves that they are not threatened and indeed can rejoice in the greater talents of their partners.Usually this comes with maturity.

My grandmother was tertiery educated in World War 1. Quite a rarity in those days. Her deep love, an army officer, was killed in France. She siad that she married my grandfather on the rebound. He was a dairy farmer of modest abilities but a very genuine caring and sensible man. She was the undoubted brains of the outfit yet they made an extraordinary team for over 45 years until his death.

She recognised his talents including an ability to coax from the earth good food. He was never intimidated by her superior intellect but always respected her and encouraged her career. She guarded his little eccentricities and respected him.
rgds greg

Posted by: grego7 at July 1, 2008 11:17 AM

Bill and Marcus,
I am enjoyong your sparring immensly. I had Bill well up on points until Marcus post 10.52 pm yesterday. That one put Bill on the canvas at least for a moment. We await his recovery.

There are still 5 or 6 rounds to go chaps so into it.
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at July 1, 2008 10:39 AM

Romance killer- bad breath and foul BO.

Posted by: enrepres at July 1, 2008 10:18 AM

I think the big romance killer is not actually the having of a great intellect, but the having to tell all and sundry about it allllllllll the time. Great big bore methinks. "Oh, by the way, did I mention how really, really clever I am?"
I know how smart I am, but never, ever feel the need to tell people. If they do not discover it at some stage in the getting to know you process then who really cares?

Posted by: istj54 at July 1, 2008 9:34 AM

No wonder I don't want a woman who hasn't had kids. They haven't got a clue about selfless dedication. Posted by: timewarp1 at July 1, 2008 12:13 AM

Loud cheers from the mums on this site - and I would hope at least some of the dads too.

Posted by: missrule at July 1, 2008 8:32 AM

Murtajaz, I'd say a pregnant girl has just as much right to look for a partner as anyone else, always provided she's honest about the circumstances. It takes two to make a baby and I bet the father won't be staying virtuously single (okay, he possibly doesn't even know of his impending parenthood but if any man has unprotected sex with a woman, he is equally responsible for the result, which at the very least can be paying child support for 18 years. Condoms are so cheap and prevent all sorts of regrettable eventualities).

However, this girl does sound extremely confused - she is probably from a dysfunctional home and with very low self-esteem, leading her to see having kids as her only route to unconditional love. I'd recommend counselling before looking for a relationship (end of amateur psych session!).

Posted by: missrule at July 1, 2008 6:41 AM

Marcus vidit, venit ... finis. Sine dubio Caesar non est.

Posted by: missrule at July 1, 2008 6:27 AM

Warped. June 30, 2008 10:52 PM
Fly check mate. It is still an offense in QLD to masturbate in public. When you have safely zipped up your Mensa hubris you might want to check the post accusing yourself of a high EQ. I understand EQ to be a guide to emotional intelligence; you are claiming a 'fairly adequate' amount. Now, I am thinking back 3 weeks to your germ swapping, washing doing, public 'wooing' (or was it humiliation?) of kurli, and the ensuing spectacular spiral death dive crash and burn you performed. If that shows fairly adequate EQ it must put the majority here who quietly get on with their relationship trials and tribulations in the genius category.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at July 1, 2008 4:12 AM

Timewarp, you've made some valid points there about meeting someone who is somewhere around the same IQ. There's nothing worse than someone constantly asking you to explain the meaning of words, is disinterested, or has no comment on a wide range of topics that are important to you. Conversely, it can be the most amazing feeling to really click with someone, where the conversation is passionate and lively. Mutual mental stimulus is but one of the pieces of the zigsaw when it comes to chemistry. Common interests can play a huge part also.

It is my humble opinion, that for a relationship to work, it must be balanced, but the most important aspect for me is you both feel comfortable with each other, and you can be yourselves - warts and all.

Posted by: jovial67 at July 1, 2008 12:27 AM

antoi at 10:20pm: "Not that I have any, but children must surely be the biggest romance killers."

You are so right. Not the children themselves, but the resultant workload, and more particularly, the resultant wakeload.

Someone recently painted Stuart a picture of domestic exhaustion that was so graphic it brought shivers back to my memory.

Picture this: Our first baby cries. She gets up and changes nappy if necessary, then suckles him for 45 minutes. I walk/burp him for 45 minutes while she sleeps. He falls asleep on my shoulder. All 3 sleep for the next 30 minutes.

Baby cries, and the cycle repeats. All night. Every night. For several months - about four from memory, before he put himself onto 4-hourly feeds.

Luckily that was when I was only working 50 hours a week, not the 70+ of the following 30-odd years.

No wonder I don't want a woman who hasn't had kids. They haven't got a clue about selfless dedication.

Posted by: timewarp1 at July 1, 2008 12:13 AM

Thanks everyone,
especially Jen (thanks for the compliment about the photo; have put a few "newies" on. My daughter took a couple for me and then while fiddling around, I actually found out my new little digital camera had a 10 second timer! So I had a go with that. A couple of the pics are bit blurry; not organised quickly enough when the camera went off! But better than those ones where you hold the camera out in front and either look like a possum caught in the spotlight or on turning off the flash, a bit dark and sinister!!)
Thanks also to OG, Kisskat, Malsie, Gemsbling, Murtajaz and Troy (Troy, you were nice to me. Thanks!) I really appreciate all your advice and will take it on board.

Also Stuart, thanks so much for the email with your suggestions.
Hope you didn't think I was trying to be unkind on the blog, I just wanted you to be aware of what a mum with younger children really needs to do for the sake of her kids.
Sadly, men may come and go in a woman's life, no matter how much she loves them there is no guarantee they will feel the same, or it will even last.
But a woman who has children will always be a mother. And while those children are young, it is her job to be like a lioness and protect and nurture them.
Women who put their need to be in a relationship above their kids need for protection, are risking one hell of a lot.
Not all blokes are nice people, like you and your dad, Stuart.

I have tomorrow off and also the weekend, so I will have another try at it. After all, it is only an email! And I did say in my profile I was happy to be just friends.
I like the chat idea too.

Must get some sleep, it is wild, windy and freezing here tonight. Must have a quick look around the yard first though, mentioned something on the news about flying objects!

Posted by: amberlight58 at June 30, 2008 11:56 PM

Oh TW that is the funniest post I have read in my life, really made me laugh!!!!! washing maggots and all!

Posted by: iaminperth at June 30, 2008 11:31 PM

bradbaby at 8:41pm: Your second paragraph is spot-on. Thanks for joining in with such good stuff.

Posted by: timewarp1 at June 30, 2008 11:22 PM

Marcustan at 4.11pm: "If you are to the stage of having a close conversation with a man, chances are his experience wil be telling him something along the lines that 'this woman has chosen me' .....If he is rejected or belittled after this stage because of what may be a spurious 'cultural' reason he may rightly feel he is dealing with a teaser."

Mate, you must have acted on my suggestion to use a cigarette holder, to keep the stars up out of your reach.

I'll translate the main part of your argument for our readers:

"If a man and a woman are having a serious conversation, the man will believe she fancies him."

I seem to remember that as the stage of emotional development that my mates and I went through at about the age of 13, when we still believed in girl germs. Tsk tsk.

Posted by: timewarp1 at June 30, 2008 11:19 PM

eleganteloquent at 11:32am: I can sympathise with you because I have the same problem. IQ in the top 0.5% (ie. the top quarter of Mensa.) A fairly adequate E.Q. I've been told. And I know enough about a fair few topics to hold up my end of a detailed discussion.

My best mate at present is a Ph.D. in psychology (one of my main interests.) We met on RSVP 18 months ago. Didn't fancy one another (except the others' minds) and are now de facto siblings. We talk about 3 hours a week, on phone or face to face.

About the only thing that extends my brain, outside work. Could do with a couple more friends like her, to further enrich my intellectual life.

I've met a zillion women in RSVP in the last 2 and a half years (well - over 150 anyway.) There was no spark at my end in the case of at least 130, and the main reason was that my greatest need is a brainmate, and they weren't anywhere near me intellectually.

And the ones that I did feel were my match between the ears were looking for someone who needed to be worth what they were - say $700,000 and up.
...............................................................

I read somewhere that the male ego is comfortable only with a woman he sees as almost but not quite his equal.

This means that there's no woman for the lowest-calibre man, because the bloke just above him on the list has grabbed the least-desirable woman, who doesn't threaten him.

In the same way, there's no-one for the top woman, because the top man has grabbed the second-best woman, who doesn't threaten his ego.

The top woman has to hope there's a man near the top of the list who like me, had realised way back there that the male ego is a distinct disadvantage in a civilised world, and has been hitting his on the head, every time it was about to get in the way of his appreciating and valuing the excellence of others.

Someone who is secure enough in himself not to be threatened by others' excellence.

Keep searching, gal, and the best of British.

PS: Love your new inyerface profile wording. There are still pockets of honesty in advertising.

Posted by: timewarp1 at June 30, 2008 10:52 PM

Not that I have any, but children must surely be the biggest romance killers.

Posted by: antoi at June 30, 2008 10:20 PM

elefantemontego.
veni vidi vici.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at June 30, 2008 10:20 PM

NonCreative
Maybe your father should have taught you about the perils of being tiresome and tedious.
You asked complete strangers for advice and you got it.
This is not Dear Abby.
Mate, from your posts there are no assumptions

Posted by: sensounico at June 30, 2008 9:43 PM

Posted by: creationstuart June 30, 2008 12:24 PM

"eleganteloquent you just haven't met the right guy!

Someone who can go toe to toe with me, out do me in some things is a very attractive thing.

Smarts are very sexy....
................................................................

Good grief. She is 20 years or so outside your preferred age.
Stu. Still here with your bat and ball and now want to play Grab A Granny. Go for it.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at June 30, 2008 9:26 PM

Romance killer No. 1 - Your in bed and going for the big move when suddenly her mobile phone goes off with the ring tone "oi, this is your father, answer the phone". Nice one.

Posted by: stormy66 at June 30, 2008 8:50 PM

Forgive me if i am wrong here but i thought the idea of blogs was so like minded people could share stories and discuss the topic as adults. I have not gone back and read all of them on this topic as all it seems to be is a forum for people to take cheap shots at other users. Grow up for christ sakes some of you. If my kids carried on like this i would be very disappointed.
there have vented my spleen and will now comment on the topic as i a can just here the typing of somepeople ready to have a pot at me for not mentioning the subject.

i firmly believe that we need to make time for romance in our relationships. it doesnt have to lead to sex either. The small things are quite often the most important things to show that special someone that the romance fire still burns brightly from within. Its not about the grand gestures. They come form the heart. And if they lead to elswhere its even better.

Posted by: bradbaby at June 30, 2008 8:41 PM

Thanks OG at 7:26pm

Posted by: eleganteloquent at June 30, 2008 8:11 PM

kisskat, yes, I understood why you suggested it, and I know a lot can happen in RSVP-land in a week or two such that it would be good to find out if an email was still welcome. All I was saying was the recipient mightn't understand the intention of it, that's all.

The whole "kiss" thing can be a confusing and ambiguous area, I think, and the replies even more so. Today I got a reply to a kiss asking me for more info on my profile... that's got me beat, I don't think there's any more room for anything else...

Posted by: malsie at June 30, 2008 8:07 PM

murtajaz, thanks for the explanation.

Posted by: malsie at June 30, 2008 7:50 PM

malsie/jenniferhi, only suggested sending a second kiss to ensure he is still interested after a week or two of no contact since the initial kiss. if someone kissed me & i replied positively but received no email within a week or two, i would have definitely written them off by that stage. a second kiss would give the option of advising im talking to another & it would save them a stamp.

Posted by: kisskat at June 30, 2008 7:28 PM

EE much better display
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at June 30, 2008 7:26 PM

Fifi at 4.04pm: great profile, lovely pics ... nice post, you're a loyal mate to Stuart ... so why don't you just ... er ... okay, shutting up!

Posted by: missrule at June 30, 2008 6:56 PM

A lot of men's egos "tell" them things that are pure wishful thinking. It's very easy for one of these specimens to label a woman a tease when all she has done is to spell out in terms even he can understand that his chance with her is akin to that of ice crystals condensed from water vapour on a day-trip to Hades.

Posted by: missrule at June 30, 2008 6:29 PM

Elemental mistake made by laughs and talks....having changed my profile to truly reflect my real intellectula tendencies, I am getting good connections with people with brains...so Marcusium egotoctic vidi auri venum....its' good night from me and good riddance to you.
Vidi et decorum est

Posted by: eleganteloquent at June 30, 2008 6:08 PM

elephantsego June 30, 2008 11:32 AM

Elemental mistake being made here. I think too much is made of women's brains being their major sex organs.
Physical cues, including olfactory/pheremonal influence the bwain rather than vice versa.
If you are to the stage of having a close conversation with a man, chances are his experience wil be telling him something along the lines that 'this woman has chosen me' (because men, like most male mammals perform and the females choose).
If he is rejected or belittled after this stage because of what may be a spurious 'cultural' reason he may rightly feel he is dealing with a teaser.
Cheers

Posted by: laughsandtalks at June 30, 2008 4:11 PM

In Stu's defense...Haven't read all the blog, apologies, but I have met Stu and got to know him and he is one of the most honest, decent blokes I have met. He is intelligent, friendly, an absolute gentleman and a great catch. Hi Stu, probably the last person you thought would say hi. Don't ever ever give up hope, no one should, she is out there you just haven't tripped over her yet. Cheers to you all Fifi

Posted by: fifithecamper at June 30, 2008 4:04 PM

Hi.If you don't have time for a relationship.don't have one.Relationships need time....quality time.I have just spent 3 weeks stuffing around with a guy on RSVP who was always busy.He called everyday,blah blah and I made it very clear in my profile that I did not want to have my time wasted.I sound unreasonable,pushy maybe....buy I am not here to give every Tom,Dick and Harry a "quickie".

Posted by: musicteacher at June 30, 2008 3:15 PM

brilliantblue
It wasn't deep seated anger it was a direct reply to some very nasty stuff....
If you look further down you will find what I was responding to...... .

Posted by: creativestuart at June 30, 2008 2:51 PM

Thanks Stuart, and willow and waterbombe and malsie...and...doesn't this just show how important many people DO consider the smarts issue????? Glad to know I am farrrr from alone :)

Posted by: eleganteloquent at June 30, 2008 2:09 PM

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at June 30, 2008 1:23 PM ERAL I think you are chasing shadows mate........Sure, if I can be someone else could I at least choose who????

Posted by: spanky668 at June 30, 2008 1:41 PM

murtajaz.....spanky668....hhhmmm.....same....person....very....suss....?

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at June 30, 2008 1:23 PM

Post by: creativestuart at June 30, 2008 9:08 AM

Stuart....I don't know you at all and I have only entered the blogs again recently but the impression I get from reading your blog is that you have a lot of deep seated anger.....this might not be true but the way that blog was written it would turn off any nice woman!

Off course your father is someone you should take advice from above others but don't put other bloggers down in the process as again you don't know them and their lives....you're making assumptions and placing everyone in the same mould!

I'm not trying to criticise you but rather point out that it can take only one blog to turn a woman from making contact....maybe you're just responding in defence as you feel victimised (I don't know what was said) but the best response is to just remain calm....people's real meaning behind what they write in a blog can always be misjudged....I've seen and experienced this first hand!

Posted by: brilliantblue at June 30, 2008 1:20 PM

Posted by: eleganteloquent at June 30, 2008 11:32 AM " I was born with my smarts, much as we all are...can't "tone it down" as I have been asked to....so I am a romance killer, just by being me."
Anyone who feels they have to diminish you or minimise you or tone you down in any way is a total waste of time. If you are not loved for all of who you are .. body mind & soul .. then you are not truly loved!

Posted by: waternymph47 at June 30, 2008 1:18 PM

Sorry Murtajaz, I aggree with EE. My dad once told me "Don't let them know how smart you are. Men don't like it." I was stunned. Like EE, I find that intellect is very important.
Unfortunately, like EE, I have found it can be a romance killer. A date looked upon a patch of ground that I had walked upon many a time and said "wouldnt it be nice to make love there, under the stars?" I said "no,its full of trapdoor spiders, plus its freezing out here after dark". Silence.....

Posted by: willow29 at June 30, 2008 12:47 PM

EE, yes, I too have had problems connecting with guys when just being "me" with all that entails, when it's just not a click with who they are - for whatever reason, intelligence in all its forms, emotional maturity, hugely differing world views, etc...
I suppose that's why we tend to seek out the profiles of those that seem to share some of the basic compatabilities so at least we've got a head start there. Having to explain your own vocabulory every other word is tiring to both, or someone wishing to debate the intricacies of subjects that you know nothing about (and may have no interest in) is another...

murtajaz, talking of not understanding vocabulory... what does "breaching the edges of conversation" mean"? It sounds almost poetical, but I doubt you intended it to be.

Posted by: malsie at June 30, 2008 12:45 PM

thanks murta...the problem is I don't muck around, that would be all too easy....I got invited directly to a lunch by the chat guy today and don't want to lead anyone on so had to ask because I am only too aware of the situation where my brainiac gets in the way...it has happened a lot. I guess it is like speaking another language...and intelligent men just do things, spontaneously, tenderly, sensitively...they get me and I seem to get them...they are never intimidated by my mind but manage to get to the point where it becomes a creative aspect of loving (and love-making) and things get amazing....if I could find a permanent relationship with some of the qualities that I have had with the more intelligent men, I would be off here like a shot! And thanks for the supporting words spanky :)

Posted by: eleganteloquent at June 30, 2008 12:35 PM

eleganteloquent you just haven't met the right guy!

Someone who can go toe to toe with me, out do me in some things is a very attractive thing.

Smarts are very sexy....

Posted by: creativestuart at June 30, 2008 12:24 PM

Posted by: eleganteloquent at June 30, 2008 11:32 AM I have had yet another profile go inactive after recieving a kiss from me (view profile, send kiss....disappear???....not THAT bad is it)...........beginning to think I should start making money on this......you can pay me not to contact the women you like (so they don't run away)......Think this is a winner.........EE, if they don't like the woman you are, they are not the man you want .......don't change for anybody.......on the upside at least you get to communicate first.............

Posted by: spanky668 at June 30, 2008 12:10 PM

Murtajaz, BTW, why are you hidden?

Estelle

Posted by: enrepres at June 30, 2008 12:07 PM

Another painful chat has really brought it home to me again. I was born with my smarts, much as we all are...can't "tone it down" as I have been asked to....so I am a romance killer, just by being me. I am not asking for sympathy, folks, don't need it, it is just making me realise that this is something we don't always take that seriously but it is a big part of being compatible - nice guys without education beyond the basic high school and who struggle beyond basic banter, often get aggressive with me....as smarts seem to be a romance killer.... yet the brain is the central organ of love-making as far as I can see, engage the mind and get the person...Am I missing something vital in my quest for love? What experiences have others had in this area???

Posted by: eleganteloquent at June 30, 2008 11:32 AM

gemsnbling newer for the sake of it isn't always the answer or better...

Perhaps if more of us actually looked to those who had done or were doing it better, then we might learn.

That is why I asked how to best get from profile to real date.

Afterall you only begin to learn when we realise how little indeed we know.

Fo rinstance being an individualist and in a long term relationship won't work.

Being in a relationship that will go the long term means letting go of a lot of the "I" and working as a team.

As soon as a team becomes a bunch of incividuals they will not do as well or fail.

Posted by: creativestuart at June 30, 2008 11:24 AM

Posted by: murtajaz at June 30, 2008 10:52 AM

Any of these women named Svetlana mate?
I had a few Russians contact me which was good for my ego. Apparently they were so enamoured of me they wished to marry me post haste. I didn't realise until then how attractive I must be to young women.
Perhaps Stuart should consider the option as they appear to have all he is after. Not me though, I'm only interested in a woman with kids so they understand what it means to be a parent.

Troy

Posted by: troyohboy at June 30, 2008 11:23 AM

GENERAL BULLETIN
I am out odf stamps and will be buying more so I can make contact with some people. Sorry about the delay. rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at June 30, 2008 11:16 AM

Murtajaz

Please explain to me how you receive kisses when your profile is hidden.
Estelle

Posted by: enrepres at June 30, 2008 11:11 AM

Thanks for the kiss grego, nice of you, and for the recognition :)

Posted by: eleganteloquent at June 30, 2008 11:03 AM

Stu, my heart goes out to you. Seriously. You stick to your guns and good on you, whether others agree with you or not.
And you say some really sensible and homest things as well, particularly about meeting each other half way and getting out and making an effort instead of hoping things will come to our door. I sometimes think if we are all sat at our computers looking for love how on earth can we reasonably expect to find it?
I have spent the weekend socialising with friends and taking myself out as a solo. It was very good. I also stick by my guns...and hope my son is half as proud of me as you are of your father.

Posted by: eleganteloquent at June 30, 2008 10:56 AM

Maisie - I agree with you about not sending a second kiss. I would take that as meaning 'no stamps' as well. Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at June 30, 2008 10:41 AM

Stu, it's great you have your father as a great role model.
However, you have to take into account his generation, and what age group his partners have been in when he me them, and what decade that was.
I have reflected on my parents many times with confidence, but it hasnt been as easy using them as a role model because my expectations being based on how it was for them isnt proving to be the same these days.
We live in a different time period too when they got together, and their values were more important than how a lot of peoples are these days.
People are more individualist in this time period, and tend to live on a newer wave of thinking.
So even for me I have learnt to be more flexible with my expectations because after sometime I have realised I have been met with more disappointment from expecting too much.
The best thing I can do for myself, and you can do for yourself is gaurd against unwholesome expectations from the other party.

Posted by: gemsnbling at June 30, 2008 10:41 AM

Creativestuart, passed through Ballan on saturday evening giving my son a driving lesson and thought of you.

I dont have any advice except perhaps just relax and be yourself. It will all work out OK.
rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at June 30, 2008 10:05 AM

eastofcbd, I had a slight feeling of what you mentioned too - Amanda became the subject of great attention, and now Stuart. I think perhaps we find it easier to respond to a "real" person's dilemma or situation and comments flow easier from that than the topic subjects.

Once things become more personal, everyone's thoughts and feelings come out; we can identify, and we use one particular poster's situation as the centre around which all our conversations take place. It's unfortunate if that particular person ends up feeling "got at" though - and on occasions I can certainly see why they might too.

Posted by: malsie at June 30, 2008 9:52 AM

Amberlight sweetie, I feel like giving you a huge hug, and telling you everything will be alright, and you can do it!
It's funny how some of us take things like that for granted. To some of us, somethings can be so simple, but to some others it can be like a huge mountain to overcome.
I guess the more practice some of us have had, it becomes so much more easier to do things like replying to an email or initiating first contact.
It sort of becomes as, take it or leave it.
Amber I have always started an email off with thanking them for the email, kiss, or interest. Then go onto say I like their profile and make a point that I liked how they, what they have said.
Then to encourage a reply. I leave them with a question about themselves to answer me, and also ask what they would like to know about me.
People love talking about themselves if they think you are interested by commenting on them or asking them questions about themselves.
It's a great way to get to know them better with all the info they provide, and if they respond in the same way they get to know more about you a lot easier.
Good luck with it x

Posted by: gemsnbling at June 30, 2008 9:51 AM

amberlight, if this is your first one (email sent out by your instigation) I suppose it can be daunting - but practice will make perfect. You've got to start somewhere, and this is it, a great opportunity to get comfortable with the process. All you need is a bit of confidence in yourself because you know when you're relaxed you're warm, engaging and articulate - certainly in the blogs you are!

I have to hold myself back from writing too much initially - I know it's not necessary to tell your whole life story in one email - and on the whole I've found men to write briefer emails than women.

With that in mind, I doubt his expectations will be of any great masterpiece. A friendly, casual but warm tone I think is good, and if you can pick out one or two things from his profile you could make a comment on, that's a good conversation start (and throw in one or 2 things about yourself that maybe flow from that?)

No disrespect meant, kisskat, I wouldn't send another kiss, if I were you. To me that would come across as you giving him a nudge to write to you or that you'd forgotten you'd sent one in the first place! I get really confused when people send me two kisses. There may be some cryptic message in it, but I usually assume it's trying to say "I don't have stamps, so if you do, please use one."

You write well, amber, and are obviously a lovely woman. Just know that and go for it, and have fun! :)

Posted by: malsie at June 30, 2008 9:32 AM

Nicely put Stuart...however, it'll just bounce off deaf ears or make the target on your back even bigger :) Marcus, please stop the childish references to my nickname, it's very 3rd grade. EastofCBD, you are right, it's very clicky in here, probably why so many of us leave for a while, sick of the same stuff recycled in ALL blog topics.
Jenniferhi, I did go back as far as I could be bothered, been reading and blogging for a very long time so know how it works, but alas, didn't see too much other than people aiming squarely at the target on Stuart's back.

Stuart...your dad did a great job and he has taught you well..hang in there and let the crap just slide off - you become immune to some of those on here and then have the luxury of picking out the useful bits (if there are any) and going on with your life as YOU wish to lead it. Remember most of here are dateless too...for a variety of reasons.

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at June 30, 2008 9:27 AM

Hey amber, the first one is hard especially when it's been a while. I used to occassionally agonise however one email is not make or break. Don't get the 'yips', plunge in, it's just an email so don't over analyise it. Be yourself, which is usually pleasant :-). Ask some questions about him as it may be as difficult for him as yourself. It doesn't have to be as long as some of your posts...haha.

Troy

Posted by: troyohboy at June 30, 2008 9:15 AM

OK You nasty buggers and nice people I am going to try this one more time.

I was single until about 31 by choice; I concentrated on building my business, buying a home.
Now I have no real worries in either of those areas.

When I realised I better get on with looking for a partner I came to RSVP and had a date each week, because 10 years ago people didn’t assume they used this place as it should be used as a contact tool and actually went out, more than one tiny coffee and found out who each other were. That is not what is happening now and the assumptions being made here now are astounding! Assumption is the mother of all stuffups – in all aspects of life.

My father has been married longer than most of you, possibly twice and both times he had his priorities right. He is obviously far better at it than almost all of you! I will be taking his lead. The one time I stuffed a relationship as when other pressures did not allow me to make the girl No 1 as I should have.

My Father was tough and fair on us growing up and over time became a great friend to all of us. He has 4 sons who are successful in the traditional sense and he has been very successful in all aspects of his life, long marriages, 4 children, PHD, Rotary President, Successful Academic, Published Author, Successful Business after he retired from teaching/lecturing, even a Ferrari. He is obviously someone who as a better idea on many things than you lot. Thus where child rearing is concerned, relationship advice too, I will certainly follow his lead and maybe if you lot listened to me on something you might learn something too!

The one thing he can’t help me on is getting a date, starting a relationship, in this mixed up, stuffed up world where people would rather sit at home alone with their assumptions, rather than try each other out, be so rigid in their desired partner they will sit at home alone again, believe their partner lives in a 10-20km radius of themselves only and will happily attack others on a whim, rather than debate, like you lot have demonstrated here.

As what worked very well to years ago did not work now, I asked for advice having being out of the scene for 10 years and in a predicament neither I nor indeed my Father had ever been in. Some of you gave me good advice and I took it.

Then… I made a comment that I might still like a family and was belittled for that.

I tried to suggest that it was more complicated with children and an ex and the factor of the ex rather than the children were the complication, was proven correct but told – deal with it, the only hope you have for a relationship is to be placed in the priority list one above the cat, maybe below. Then when I suggested that won’t work, despite some of you saying it indeed did not and had not – (are you looking again?) You belittle me again.

As I said before, I have no intention of buying a girl! If she is a gold digger or looking for a money tree Goodbuy! I don't expect a money tree either or someone with heaps of assets but I do expect competance, where the ballance sheet is positive and shopping for "stuff" us under controll. Living within her means!

I work from home and one of the reasons I chose that was so that my PARTNER could keep her career and if the choice for children was made I could be at home and not kill her career if that is what WE wanted.

I believe household tasks should be shared and that marriage is a partnership!

And that is what I want a partner, not a mother, slave, servant, toy, usefull accessory, baby machine, money tree. And she must now what commitment means.

I want an EQUAL to SHARE my life.

And finally it is not me saying no players, Man drought!, Where are the good guys? Where are the nice guys?

We are here, perhaps we aren’t all as attractive as Brad Pitt or even as we once were, but the girls will actually have to go out with us to find us!

I am willing to compromise a lot but not give up every last thing just for some possible privelidge of gaining some godess. This is a two way street only when there is a meeting half way will it actually work. That my Dad does have absolutely correct!

Posted by: creativestuart at June 30, 2008 9:08 AM

that would be "ready to roll" not toll.....

Posted by: kisskat at June 30, 2008 7:57 AM

Hi Amber,
Just been reading of late seeing that most of my posts to stuart have been blocked, maybe he should stamp me.

As to your problem, edit your post then send it to him, profiles can be very missleading, I have been more to making contact on a penfriend basis and am absolutely delighted to have contact with people who surprisingly I find a lot of things in common that were not in the profile.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at June 30, 2008 7:51 AM

Laughsandtalks 3.03am. Couldn't agree more Marcus.

Wishful - If you read back, you will see he constantly was asking for imput, or throwing something in that heaps of us felt needed to be challenged. Check back on one of the other blogs also.

Amber - You don't need to write too much in your first email. Your profile gives heaps of detail allready. Just keep it upbeat and why not suggest you prefer to chat on-line for a bit to get to know each other. I always prefer that. The instant chat on-line gets info out quickly and you can decide what you want him to know at whatever stage. Or he might give his phone number for you to contact him when you feel comfortable. I find most guys do that. And have never had a problem.

Don't pull back now. Something attracted you to this person, so go with it. Will be good experience for you too. You can make lovely friends. It doesn't always have to be an actual relationship.

Good luck Amber.
Oh, and I like the new pic.

Jen x

Posted by: jenniferhi at June 30, 2008 7:37 AM

Posted by: amberlight58 at June 30, 2008 1:36 AM

amberlight, before you send the email (when it IS written) my suggestion would be to send another kiss just before you're ready to toll to make sure he is still interested. a lot can happen in a week or two on rsvp and whilst someone may have been keen for a response back then, someone else may have also contacted him in the meantime.

as for content, keep it as light hearted as possible. write down what YOU want someone to know about you. what is the thing about you that most people respond to? (ie your sense of humour, your caring nature...etc). that is what you want to come across in the email, not just a whole bunch of facts & figures (we can get that from the profile).

good luck!

Posted by: kisskat at June 30, 2008 7:10 AM

Posted by: wishfulstinker June 29, 2008 10:04 PM
Seems this entire blog is not at all about romance killers but rather to pick on Stuart, who made a simple statement about his preferences. It is amusing to see how many people are giving Stuart advice, or criticising, but isn't that HIS choice to make?...blah blah blah

Stuart has been asking for advice and suggestions for several months now and recieving it generously and in great detail. I imagine his profile has now been well viewed by prospects. Trouble is he is a hard case and seems intent on discarding the best advice and continuing what he has apparently been doing with little result for the last 20 or so years.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at June 30, 2008 3:03 AM

Hello everyone,
Advice needed desperately, please?
Sent off a kiss to someone a week or two ago and this time actually got a reply requesting an email.
Okay, I know the protocol is if you send the kiss you send the email, however I have tried 3 times over the past week to write this wretched email, but I have no idea what to write or how to even start it!
I also realise on re-reading his profile, we may not have that much in common, after all.
I don't want to be rude and just ignore him, because I think that is not okay and I don't mind spending the stamp, but I am just completely blank on what to write.
Whatever I write seems to read like I can't string two words together (I know, normally you can't shut me up, hey OG?)

I now know when I have sent someone a similar kiss reply, just how nerve-wracking that might have been for that person.
Yes they might well have changed their mind about me, (which is fine) or they may have been scared out of their wits at having to start a conversation with someone 'cold turkey'!
Especially if they have difficulty expressing themselves in the written word.

Just some suggestions from the more experienced RSVPers, would be much appreciated!
I am not too keen to "identify" myself (if you know what I mean) in the first few emails. Just want to be pleasant and polite, and write something that actually makes sense!
Help!

Posted by: amberlight58 at June 30, 2008 1:36 AM

TW That is the best observation you have ever made.

Posted by: iaminperth at June 30, 2008 12:51 AM

Stu at 7.50pm: Glad to hear it. You've already got at least 3 times the kindly free help and encouragement that your unempathic selfishness and resultant inflexibility deserved.

missrule at 7:17pm said it in one. Best advice you've had yet.

And good luck - which can be as useful as good management - if you're lucky. Bye bye.

Posted by: timewarp1 at June 29, 2008 11:09 PM

Stu, don't be discouraged by some here. There maybe some who just let it rip because they too have their own frustrations with all this dating stuff, and they too have made changes, and they also have re-evaluated what they do.
However, many mean well, and a lot of advice would be useful to you if you take note, and act upon it.
Look at it as parents disciplining a child. No offence. But many are parents, and have practiced the art of disipline with their own children for many years.
Whether that be from grounding, withdrawing privileges, too long lectures. Why do they do it? It is because they see a course of action being of no benefit to their child, and a good old ear bashing is to re educate or make a change for the better so the receiver makes changes for the better. No one sincere wants to see anyone fail, but rather see the receiver succeed.
We are all in the same boat on here.
So you better get the paddle out and start rowing.

Posted by: gemsnbling at June 29, 2008 10:37 PM

Seems this entire blog is not at all about romance killers but rather to pick on Stuart, who made a simple statement about his preferences. It is amusing to see how many people are giving Stuart advice, or criticising, but isn't that HIS choice to make? Hang in there Stuart, if child-free is what you want to be initially, then good luck to you. There are a lot of men out there looking for the same thing as you - nothing wrong with it.

Good4laugh, you pose some interesting questions re what to expect, what are your responsiiblities etc. For me, I'd never expect any partner to "raise" my children, they are my responsibility, but what I do expect is that they show my pair respect and give them their space to grow and adjust. New partners have to expect a bit of hostility on occasion, space being invaded and all that, but just to be flexibile, respectful and keep communication open.

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at June 29, 2008 10:04 PM

creativestuart at June 29, 2008 7:50 PM . Amanda was disposed of last week, now you are the target. What some bloggers fail to realise is that we all have our own opinions. Some may disagree with them but they are ours, respect them and by all means put your point of view forward but don't dismiss others opinions and feelings. I have tried to become part of the blogs but I to am an outsider. This forum is very clicky. I wouldn't date a man with young children and grandchildren are also a problem for me. I don't have any and I am not all that fond of small children. Love my own to death and those of my immediate family, but would never walk up to a pram and say "what a gorgeous baby". I have eliminated most of my target market... oh prefer them to live within 15 k's of me too.

Posted by: eastofcbd at June 29, 2008 9:20 PM

Stuart - have a sense of humour about it all! Listen to those that make sense to you, and if you think someone is having a lend of you ignore! I believe that you don't have a problem concerning ladies with children, only the role that an ex might play.

As many have said reality is that any woman whose family you may join WILL have an ex who is involved in some manner. That is how it should be! Have enough confidence in yourself, and any prospective partner, to at least give it a go and see if you can find someone who thinks you're as worthwhile as you think them.

Posted by: ynotalice at June 29, 2008 9:00 PM

Stu, perhaps you have worn your heart on your sleeve a little bit too much of late, but one thing that you have done is put your thoughts down for others to read, and indeed for yourself to go back over and maybe re read at a later date.
This may give others and yourself a new perspective on things.
From what l can gather, you are experiencing frustration at not being able to be in a relationship with a woman, (for whatever reason) as well as seeing the possibility of becoming a father to your own bilogical child disappear.
This last one in particular would have to be something that would be difficult to absorb.

People here have been very helpful to you Stu, not just the few you mentioned in your last post. Maybe a bit of a break from RSVP would not be a bad idea for you, and maybe come back with a whole new profile and a positive outlook, as opposed to the somewhat jaded one you seem to have currently.

At the end of the day, you, like many others, deserve a bit of happiness, but becoming obsessed about it does you no good.
You have answered the criticisms well in the past, and have adjusted your profile after seeking opinions of some here.
Just relax now, Stu, and don't take it too seriously...........Be at peace.........K .

Posted by: auntykaz at June 29, 2008 9:00 PM

Posted by: gemsnbling at June 29, 2008 7:30 PM
Sorry. Didn't mean to make anyone feel tired. Come to think of it, school hols start here tomorrow. What's the bet I'll be even more tired in 2 weeks?

Posted by: waterlily58 at June 29, 2008 8:42 PM

Stu, you big effen wuss, picking up your ball and going back to where was it, Myrniong?

Seriously, you have been spoilt by the well intentioned advice and suggestions here. If you won't listen to women in and around your target group telling you how to get laid and made, and experienced blokes offering up their thoughts on the matter, what are you going to do? Your own strategy isn't working.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at June 29, 2008 8:21 PM

Missrule - 7.17. Very good advice.

Posted by: jenniferhi at June 29, 2008 8:08 PM

NonCreativeStu
Thank you
Was just thinking how many days slash weeks of bloody mileage you were going to get on this one. Give us all a break mate.

Posted by: sensounico at June 29, 2008 7:56 PM

I'm not going to bother with these blogs any more...

You people call me childish!

Thanks again To the sensible ones Virgil, TW, Auntykaz, Amanda, Sundance

Posted by: creativestuart at June 29, 2008 7:50 PM

Virgil, Amberlight & Waterlilly: Excellent posts to Creativestuart.
Oh Waterlilly, how your post made me feel so tired. It is so true.
I have had two children grow, and now have left the nest. Only two more to go, and how I wish I was 10 years younger to finish the job.

Posted by: gemsnbling at June 29, 2008 7:30 PM

Waterlily @ 5.53PM: Brilliant, you said it all.

Stuart: You will have alienated your target market very successfully by now, so if I were you, I would go offline for a month or so and come back with a different username. Oh, yes, and a completely different attitude.

Change the subject ... please?

Posted by: missrule at June 29, 2008 7:17 PM

istj54.
Stu's moniker, 'creativestuart', implies a propensity for originality and lateral thought and perhaps even problem solving.
Choosing that name might be even more ironic than the umpteen years of parenting and relationship know how, from the presently single, being offered up to him.

Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at June 29, 2008 7:01 PM

Seems to me that Stuart wants the thrill of hunting down his very own, 'wild' (untamed) female bipedal primate, to commence breeding with, as soon as he has her in captivity.

Very understandable, and I think entirely doable -3 billion females on the planet - one is all he needs.

Plenty of 'helpful' advice has already been offered, but maybe one of these could turn the trick ?

Method 1: Build a cage,place it out in the open, and sit and wait until one comes along and wanders into the cage by herself.

Method 2: Build a cage,enter it himself,lock it from the inside, and pretend that the cage is actually around her, and that he is on the outside. He has her now!

Method 3: Move next door(or above/under) to one, and well, close enough is good enough.

Method 4: Build a fence around a area,and keep build a smaller and perimeter until you have her caught her in a corner.

Method 5: the silent approach, approaching and hoping to impress her with his equipment.

ALTERNATE METHODS:
Method 6: Can't find one, so they obviously don't exist. Moves onto a tame one instead.

Method 7: Catch a tame one, and substitute it for a wild version at a later time.

ADVANCED METHODS:
Method 8: Wait for time/space to fold, so they can be as one.

Method 9: Catch a male, with the intention of attracting a female who wants to 'save' him.

Method 10: Cover himself in 'wild' female pheromones in the hope of confusing her for long enough to get close enough to cath her.

EXTREME METHODS:
Method 11: Kill everyone who isnt a wild female and hence he improves his chances dramatically.

Method 12: Create a genetic agent that turns all tamed females( and other males) into a wild female.

Method 13: Find a dead wild female,they're much easier to catch.

Good hunting Stu. She's out/in there, just waiting for you to catch her and give her some "old fashioned" monkey love !
:~D

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at June 29, 2008 6:55 PM

Ha ha istj, maybe everyone is busy giving Stu advice to go and look............K

Posted by: auntykaz at June 29, 2008 6:29 PM

ISTJ

Maybe there is irony there, but maybe some of us are single by choice, meaning that we could quite easily be partnered if we chose something different, in my case it might involve putting in a bit of an effort, possibly even a little bit.

Last nights blog meeting was a very nice gathering of some from RSVP as well as some guests.

Those thinking of having a blog meet in their city may be encouraged by the reports coming from Adelaide.

Posted by: virgil at June 29, 2008 6:12 PM

Stuart,

What happens if you meet this single, childless woman, she does give birth to the child you crave so badly, she is then consumed with a crying child, a hungry child, bathing, changing, washing, sterilising, nursing, holding, rocking, playing with this child, all day every day? What happens when she is so tired she just wants to drop - no time for kisses and hand holding, too exhausted to cook dinner or iron your clothes, and really could not be bothered getting dolled up to visit friends or see a movie? What happens when she goes back to work and adds more to her juggling routine. Or when the kids start school, football, dancing or athletics and need to be taxied around town at all hours?

What you seem to forget, Stuart, is that parenting is a full time job! That is not just scond time around families, but families born to relationships. Children need their parents' time, energy, love, guidance and nurturing more. Who else and what else have they got to raise them? Why bother having kids if you are not prepared to make the sacrifices necessary to raise them?

Parents become quite adept at spreading themselves, their time, energy, attention and affection around everyone in their beloved families - including their partners. More importantly, you seem to forget that a woman's (or man's) relationship with her partner is entirely different to the relationship that she has with her children.

Remember, if she wants a partner, she wants a man to come home to and hold in her arms - not another whiney, insecure child to nurture and pander to. Your job, if you care for her, is to be there for her, to support her, join in her life with her kids (that is why they are called blended families) and to love her for who she is and what she does. If you have shared the little things like cooking dinner or cleaning up the lounge room or taxi driving kids to sports, she will have more time for you and feel more inclined to get romantic and personal with you, after the kids are in bed, or at Gran's (or father's) for the weekend. You will also find that if you are a caring and supportive partner, that IF there are any issues with the ex that surface, then she will need you more.

Stuart, you either need to change that scratched record and get out there and meet women of your age, quite possibly with children, and give a relationship a go - or find some new insecurity to whine about! You say you are not into pettiness or trivia - is it not time you practiced what you preach?

Posted by: waterlily58 at June 29, 2008 5:53 PM

Stuart,
Did you mention that your mother was still alive when you were 31?
If that is the case, then I can well understand why your dad would put his partner at number one, after all you were adults and all well and truly able to look after yourselves.
My oldest son is only 23 but he is quite independent, he has just come back from his second trip overseas, so although I would need a new partner to get along with my son, they wouldn't have to live together so it's a quite different issue!
But in the case of my youngest.......

However, women aged 30 and up to 40 are quite likely to have children who are still very much children and need their mum's love, support and care.
I had my last child aged 38, so by the time I was 40 he was still a baby.
Many women these days don't even start having children until their late 20s and early 30s, so you are looking at women who possibly would still have children in early primary school.
A woman in these circumstances, would be quite unable to put you as her top priority most of the time, much less all the time!

If you meet someone who started her family in her teens or early 20s, and their children are now adults, good luck convincing her to go back to screaming babies, sleepless nights and exhaustion, no time to herself and the incessant and never ending needs of babies and toddlers!
Most girls I work with who are 10-15 years younger than me, have already decided enough is enough and either themselves or their partner has taken permanent steps for contraception.

So if you do want your own children, you will most probably need to make sacrifices for your future partner that will include playing second-fiddle to her children.
However, it sounds like these would be sacrifices, you would be quite unwilling to make.

Barring a miracle, Stuart, I suggest that having a child of your own, may not be something that will be part of your future unless you are willing to compromise a lot!

Posted by: amberlight58 at June 29, 2008 4:38 PM

istj54 LOL.....

Posted by: creativestuart at June 29, 2008 4:32 PM

Am I the only one who sees the irony of everyone here giving Stuart dating advice?...aren't Waterbombe and Grego the only bloggers with partners at the moment?

Posted by: istj54 at June 29, 2008 4:15 PM

Yes, Virgil writes excellent advice and I appreciate it.....

I guess my frustrations come from the fact that I see only a tiny window of oportunity left to be a real Dad...

And all the nice things those of you have said by blogging with me aren't being discovered by girls who sumarily dismiss.

Amanda wrote one of the nicest things about me as soon as she looked past the assumptions. And neiter of us would consider each other for many reasons.

If one less person makes an as asumption about any person on this site, if profiles are concidered a bit more and one more person gives another a chance then we have all contributed to making someone else happier.

After all that is the goal....

Posted by: creativestuart at June 29, 2008 3:47 PM

Virgil, that was a lovely post and so typical of your caring nature. Stuart would be wise to read it more than once...

Posted by: victoriadownunder at June 29, 2008 3:08 PM

Virgil

I guess it boils down to want and need...

I want a partner but don't need one

Thus there are compromises I will make and others I won't.

Equally my Dad who is on his second successful marrriage is obviously doing something right despite what people on the blogs might think. Thus he is a great role model, and the biggest difference to opinions on this blog is his partner is the No1 piority and his kids respect him for that, despite initial reservations and teething problems.

I have a level of nievity sure, but also I have taken advice and will continue to.

I will get new pics in the hope of getting to actually meet the women.

But as I don't need one, I will not be compromising on the truth, honesty and commitment needed to have a lasting relationship, just for the sake of having one.

Just like I also respect my father for being tough when it was needed and a total whimp when that was best too. I would likewise certainly be tough and fair if I was to get into a relationship that involves kids, mine or any one elses!

Posted by: creativestuart at June 29, 2008 2:33 PM

Stuart

Most people here are very patient with you, because you are a nice bloke.

Innocent is a nice way to say it, niaive is probably spelt wrongly, and a not so nice way to say it.

Your predicament has filled the last few blogs, with many people myself included choosing to offer advice re photos etc.

Women without children are there, but not easy to find, and may well be not attracted to you (or me) for any number of reasons.

I wouldnt say I am very seriously looking for a woman, but would be happy to partner with one should one turn up.

Unlike you, I dont have restrictions on age or whether ior not she has children.

If I do a search of women within 10 years younger and 5 years older, I come up with more than 600 women within 10ks of my postcode.

That is one of the benefits of living within 10ks of the CBD of a capital city.

I could use the TW method, and quickly find a suitable partner, I could keep my eyes open for opportunities in my day to day living, or trust in God, that the right partner will turn up, at the right time.

An old saying is that "a watched kettle never boils".

Clearly this is not true, it jsust seems to take forever.

I think what frustrates most of us here Stuart, is that you keep doing the same things, and expect a different result, and you dont see that.

To those of us with children, we recognise that trait in our children, so have more patience with your situation, than we have with some who display a more adult, and often more obnoxious attitude.

It seems that when we teach something we learn it better ourselves, and that may be why people with children are more balanced and knowledgeable at times.

For your sake, I would hope that as you seem to be continuing to do the same thing, expecting a different result, you are successful, but that has not been my experience when I have tried it.

Posted by: virgil at June 29, 2008 1:20 PM

Posted by: naturalwoman08 at June 29, 2008 12:27 PM

Great quote NW08.

Here's one from me:

"We are not here just to survive and live long. We are here to live and know life in its multidimensions, to know life in its richness, in all its variety.
And when a man lives multidimensionally, never shrinks back from any challenge, goes, rushes off to it, welcomes it, rises to the occasion, then life becomes a flame........life blooms."

So....expand those comfort zones !

Posted by: graceandcharm at June 29, 2008 1:20 PM

Another quote from me - yeah I know you're all probably sick of them, but sorry they come with the territory with me. lol
jenniferhi at June 29, 2008 10:41 AM

just a little something more for you Jen:)

I love this quote by Mark Twain:

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

If you don't try..you'll never succeed. Desmond Tutu

cheers nw x

Posted by: naturalwoman08 at June 29, 2008 12:27 PM

I said below that my Dad was willing to tell his own children to bugger off in order to save his marriage.

When he remaried after Mum died he certainly stuck his new wife back at that same piority level!

Yes this caused a few initial teething problems but she is a nice lady and it is now pretty much all good, but she obviously isn't Mum.

My ex married me for convenience direction and stability (not that she told me that) and when she found these for herself she left sdmitting to her behaviour only then. Now I am so much better off in so many ways and not at all bitter. A little annoyed at wasting time on a lie though!

I am just left wanting, indeed all I really want is someone who is in love with me and knows what commitment means.

Any woman in my life would be No1, just as my Dad.

Yes perhaps wehn I was in my 20's I should have spent less time on my stability and more playing, my mother told me this when I was 31 & single. (mind you she is also the one who got all excited when I was being responsible and stable and upset when my brothers wern't).

So I put in the effort and 10 years ago this was a meeting place... Now as I have said it is a place of jumping to conclusions. And games, so many damn games! small eg.. I know one girl who is 40 yet her profile says 38... what is the point of that!

And yes apart from here where do you go. Especially if you are shy, a person who prefers being with friends or family and has never had the desire to go to a club or pub. Or indeed the "singles parties" organised by RSVP, how would you sit chat and meet people at one of those?. The one interesting one a Gallery evening was for those 10 years older than me.

Yes I would prefer from a relationship point of view to be able to be 34 again because of the assumption that somehow I am in a different place at 41, the place indeed where many of you bloggers are.

But Whilst I am mature certainly, I want to do just as TW says below, all those things that I have never done, simple things like weekends away, ride rollercoasters, holidays and camping or even as said in the movies, someone to hold ^#$$ing hands with!

Yes I am listening to advice, have tweeked the profile, am going to get some new pics when I can find someone to take them, but if it is a superficial as how great I look then I should just give up!

Afterall it takes commitment and class to be a decent person, anyone can look good, judt on luck! That is after all how the "players" have it so easy!

Posted by: creativestuart at June 29, 2008 12:23 PM

Hey Stuart,
As an option, have you thought about going "mail order"??
I have 3 freinds(2 white collar and 1 blue collar) who were in the same situation 10 yrs ago so they signed up with an international dating agency. They are now all happily married with children.

Its a different type of relationhsip eg You won't have a deep conversation on politics or religion(thats what mates are for), but they all seem happy nonetheless. And while they are not on the top of the list of priorities now, they were for a very short period of time.

Posted by: good4laugh at June 29, 2008 12:05 PM

A whiney needy person who goes on with me me me and I I I and then when he thinks he is right again, jumps up and down with the 'I told you so". I think that 2 year olds do that but apparently we are all supposed to grow out of it after a while.

Posted by: iaminperth at June 29, 2008 11:42 AM

Posted by: yaahmulegiddyup at June 28, 2008 11:28 PM

Nice post, mule!

It seems that this is exactly what Stuart is afraid of - not being numero uno in a lady's life!

Posted by: waterlily58 at June 29, 2008 11:03 AM

Oh, one other thing I forgot to say. A great book I always recommend to people on self-development journeys or needing clarity on stuff.

"Write it Down, Make It Happen" by Henriette Anne Klauser.

It's a great book, simple to understand and it is so true and it Works. There is also a website I believe if you key it in.

Hope this helps.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at June 29, 2008 10:45 AM

Stuart - Sorry, me again. But I just can't stop thinking about you. Just had a shower, and you know how water adds clarity to the thought process. Helps with clear thinking and all that.

Well just another thing I want to say now. I know you are into goal setting (and that is obvious in your personal achievements.) Well you know the bacic philosophy behind goal setting, is to follow up with actions.

And yes you have set the goal to find your partner. And yes you have joined RSVP. So you have put actions in place. Also you have been asking for advise from fellow RSVPers. And it is being given.
But for some reason, you keep wanting to knock it back. Sometimes you just have to be more open to the 'new.'

Just think, what you have been doing in the past has not been working. Correct? So therefore take some of the advise on board, and just go with it. What have you got to lose? Nothing. A disappointment here and there, so what. We all have those. Oh God, do we have those. You just get back up and have another go.

Another quote from me - yeah I know you're all probably sick of them, but sorry they come with the territory with me. lol

"If nothing changes - nothing changes." Get it?

And,

"If you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always got." Think about it!

I do care about you, you know. You are just frustrating the hell out of me. lol!

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at June 29, 2008 10:41 AM

Romance killer: When you meet a guy for a drink and all he talks about is what happened at work that day, or he goes on and on about the people he works with as though they are the only people who exist in the world. It takes such effort to keep trying but failing to change the subject, and if the blunt old, 'do you mind if we don't discuss work,' line fails, then it's impossible to find an avenue that leads to romance.

Posted by: fatandshort at June 29, 2008 10:32 AM

"Despite what people here say a married womans main sex organ/s really is/are between her legs and if it has been used as a birth canal, the penis or penis substitute used to stimulate her must be of adequate size and sensation.
Cheers Marcus"

Cripes Marcus...when will you learn that it's not the size of the wand, but the magic of the magician that counts. Your anatomy lessons and your "expertise" are