RSVP Blog

TW

Great to see you back, also now attached, I wasnt sure if your method would work for me, but as soon as I have my job & business situation sorted, I will look into that.

Posted by: virgil at June 5, 2008 10:09 AM

Decoratress

Happy birthday, I hope you get all the things you are hoping for today, and in the coming year.
Doug

Posted by: virgil at June 5, 2008 10:02 AM

Timewarp June 5 12:14 am Thank you for your kind words, pity I didn't discover the blog earlier, it seems you have many friends and well wishers here....usually a good sign of a persons contribution...would like to have been around for it....best of luck in your new relationship......

Posted by: spanky668 at June 5, 2008 8:56 AM

Happy birthday decoratress ..... have a good one.

Posted by: woodnwine at June 5, 2008 8:08 AM

Happy birthday Decoratress and all the other wonderful Gemini's who may be birthdaying this long weekend, out there in blogland...have a lovely day and may all your wishes come true...jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at June 5, 2008 7:46 AM

Now we gotta find OG one as well.................K

Posted by: auntykaz at June 4, 2008 5:59 PM

Song title by moving pictures???????????????????

W A M?

Morning Decoratres....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR "T",
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU.....

HIP, HIP, HOORAH, ETC, ETC, ETC...

Have a humdinger girl... Catch you soon!! Cheers..."G"

Posted by: amdoingit at June 5, 2008 12:24 AM

YEPSIREEBOB DOUBLE FROM ME

Posted by: twoeyes at June 5, 2008 7:44 AM

Morning Decoratres....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR "T",
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU.....

HIP, HIP, HOORAH, ETC, ETC, ETC...

Have a humdinger girl... Catch you soon!! Cheers..."G"

Posted by: amdoingit at June 5, 2008 12:24 AM

Hey Bill, fantastic news... Must be some lady!!!... All the very best and sincerely hope it works out for you... Cheers.."G"

Posted by: amdoingit at June 5, 2008 12:17 AM

Hi all, and thank you my friends for your congratulations and good wishes - especially ssshh, because I don't know you at all, so yours really warmed my heart.

troyohboy at 1:10 PM and oldergent at 2:43 PM: Fellers, you got me ROFLMBO.

Because I had just been comparing in my mind last night, having a discussion with Ms Rite-Enuff, where we combine an honest co-operative earnest search for consensus, with giving each other heaps, every time the smallest opportunity presents (Larrikin was No 1 in my perfect-partner criteria)

compared with discussing anything at all with WB. She taught me more in the week before last than I'd ever learned before, about how to defeat any argument without having to refute it.

Just attack your opponent: call a carefully-constructed fully-detailed argument too long and boring to bother with, and a light-hearted tease too smutty, and its author a 4-year-old dirty old man. (Best oxymoron yet, I reckon.)

And a number of other ways to undermine your opponent, without ever having to counter his argument. What men call going for the man instead of the ball. I'm far too intellectually honest for that kind of street fighting, and that's one of the reasons I'm outa here. So thank you again Troy for that hoot.

gemsnbling at 6:06 PM: Thank you especially for your good wishes. We crossed swords back a while, when what I saw as your blatant arrogance got up my nose, and I called you for it.

Thanks for taking it as honest feedback, and not as the sexist attack that others read into it, to suit their models of gender dynamics.

spanky668 at 6:12 PM posted "looks may play a part in who we choose to get to know, but it won't play a part in who we grow to like." I think that is the wisest insight that we've read here for months. Thank you from us all.

Your requested progress report: I haven't got time to blog more than occasionally now, after earning my living, plus 2-finger typing for 3 email exchanges a day. (morning, noon and night - she's retired.)

Spending next weekend with her, with time off for Sunday-night tennis.

Must go change my profile. Seeyez much later.

Posted by:

Posted by: timewarp1 at June 5, 2008 12:14 AM

That would be a good blog topic Kylie. I tend to think that all first dates have got to be pretty good, a time to have a chat, a laugh, find out a little about the other person. I think if you keep an open mind and go out with the thought that you are going to enjoy yourself it will work. If you start to feel uncomfortable or bored halfway thru that's good also as then you know there is no point pursuing and you can just wish them well in their search. I have met some absolutely lovely people on this site and had some really good dates, first and otherwise but have never felt the real need to continue. I don't know whether it's me or them, but now I'm starting to think it's me. I have lived alone for a long time now and quite comfortable in my lifestyle. I think I would love to have a really close intimate companion, but ideally we could live in separate houses, no only a thought.

Posted by: iaminperth at June 4, 2008 10:58 PM

you're more than welcome gemsnbling, i only call it as i see it.

Posted by: thetradey at June 4, 2008 10:43 PM

Thanks for the encouragement Thetradey.
The girls gave you some good tips on your profile last night.
All the best with it. It's looking good!

Posted by: gemsnbling at June 4, 2008 10:08 PM

Kaz...tis a poor person that refuses knowledge indeed

Posted by: thetradey at June 4, 2008 10:00 PM

applesryum, nothing wrong with a tattoo.
They are something that you do for yourself and no one else, well l think so anyway....
And yes l have one too....a 1 inch yin yang symbol for "woman" on my inside right wrist....quite cute actually, and if others do not like it too bad so sad.....It only took me 47 years to get it...................K

Posted by: auntykaz at June 4, 2008 9:38 PM

Tradey, nothing like a bit of female input to get the interest going.....
At least you listened when profile assistance was offered, and it has paid off in the peek stakes..........K

Posted by: auntykaz at June 4, 2008 9:19 PM

The tough get going???? Try being with an alcoholic for 2 or more years and you might learn about being tough and standing by someone .... like when they get violent or wander the streets in a drunken stupor and you have to somehow get them safely home in the middle of the night when you'd rather be sleeping.

Posted by: woodnwine at June 4, 2008 1:32 PM

Woody, try it for 15 years.....it aint fun either way................K

Posted by: auntykaz at June 4, 2008 9:13 PM

Posted by: jaspercat at June 4, 2008 6:59 PM

Thank you for the kind words on your post. I was deeply touched by them. Very deeply touched.

Your words have wiped all the doubt I had about posting in the first place. I was never certain how you would receive it. So thank you. I'm glad you appreciated the gesture for what it was.

Posted by: lovemuzik at June 4, 2008 9:12 PM

COngrats Timewarp on finding someone.
I would love to hear about successful first dates. Maybe an interesting blog topic on its own.

Posted by: justmekylie at June 4, 2008 9:11 PM

Firstly thank you ladies for your constructive input last night and making me feel welcome in the realm of blogsville,have to admit that line was just a bit childish,frustrated at a couple of insincere members,they say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned (try a passionate Virgo male hahaha), totally inundated today...might have to employ a secretary.... pmsl, gemsnbling i noticed you had a peek at my profile,regarding your blog today....don't give up you are one very very attractive woman...am sure you will find what you are searching for.... if not the Sunnny Coast QLD is a nice spot!!!!

Posted by: thetradey at June 4, 2008 8:43 PM

Hey Jaspercat there is no wrong in being a gentle "person".. be who you are:)..above all be true to thyself:)

Posted by: thornbird64 at June 4, 2008 8:04 PM

Jaspercat

I cant see what a bloke wouldnt like about your profile. In your appropriate age, you state your own age plus 10, so I have no Idea.

Maybe some blokes dont like cats?

What about a new profile name, and a few more photos?

Not that there is anything wrong with your current profile name, its just the results are not happening for you.

For what it's worth, and probably not much, but my results seem to have seasons, like I will get several kisses at one time then none for a while. Maybe RSVP markets us differently.

There is one thing I have noticed an that is, I would have lost interest ages ago if it hadn't been for the blogs. But logging in every day to do the blogs, keeps the profile fresh and in yer face.

Posted by: virgil at June 4, 2008 8:00 PM

Hi lovemusik
Thankyou so much for your advice and I am blown away that you care so much to even think of me to do that. I dont know I have just recently sent out about 10 kisses to different guys and all of them and I mean ALL are just not interested. I dont know - as I have said before I have tried and tried and tried and tried and I am over it at the moment. I actually only get on the blogs to read some interesting sessions. Anyway you are a beautiful person and thank you so much for having the want to care. Good luck to you with bit capital letters because you really deserve someone special.
Maddy

Posted by: jaspercat at June 4, 2008 6:59 PM

i had my first "date'' today and was very happy with the "quality" of man i met...i was so very nervous but it turned out ok in the end! i would like to hear more positives from other rsvp members on their "dates"! all the best!

Posted by: cutesmile52 at June 4, 2008 6:19 PM

by the way:) whilst i am running a seeming monologue here - i have been contacted by guys who are not my type nor am i theres - but we have become friends (platonic) and who have been burnt if i may succinctly say in the words of a dear friend of mine who pulled down his profile "its is costing me too much emotionally as well as materially".. and i agree wholeheartedly with them as i have pulled my profile down more than once rather than keep it up...

Posted by: thornbird64 at June 4, 2008 6:13 PM

ApplesRYum 4 June 4:42pm. Good for you, love the name, the attitude, the profile and Kudos to you for anteing up, and putting your profile back up for the world to see...... You're great, that's what I mean by personality...you can't buy that......................

TroyOhBoy. ...spanky?, its shorter than usual, but I like it....I think it makes me seem younger, vibrant and more playful...; P. just to consider the flip side of your comment, it also swings the other way.....I don't think a Naomi Campbell type diva throwing a glass at your head because you bought the wrong champagne would be very attractive either, .......hypotheticals aside, I think personality is better than a glass in the hand of the moronically obsessed .....trumps it every time.....looks may play apart in who we choose to get to know, but it won't play a part in who we grow to like.

Posted by: spanky668 at June 4, 2008 6:12 PM

Posted by: applesryum at June 4, 2008 4:42 PM
Good on you applesryum. A nice example of one should feel comfortable within themselves, and one should attract the same.
Good luck with your new adventure.

TW, congratulations, all the hard work has paid off.
For me, I'm tired already with my search. Hopefully the contacts I am to meet soon will have Mr Right for me in amongst them. If not I'm going on a holiday.
I'm starting to feel I would be just right on my own, with my own company.
Good Luck TW

Posted by: gemsnbling at June 4, 2008 6:06 PM

Bill, great to hear your news, very best wishes to you and your new lady..... Now we gotta find OG one as well.................K

Posted by: auntykaz at June 4, 2008 5:59 PM

Hi all i am new to "blogging" but may i say thank you for all your comments and views on this topic. i would like to offer my best wishes to "timewarp"...and his new partner. I agree with all of those who have posted the fact that photos are only 2 dimensional. which determines you can only view a "projected" image of that person. I find the "written" words more telling and if a person takes the time to actually sit down and offer thoughts and views rather than 1 or 2 ambiguous lines they in my opinion are worth consideration:)

Posted by: thornbird64 at June 4, 2008 4:42 PM

well I'm new to blogging and have to say have been reading these for awhile now, and it saddens me to think that some of you might actually be missing your chances for love because of your judgemental ways..

firstly...tattoos? for real!!! just because a woman has a tattoo does not mean that shes a trucker or a feral...it may however show that someone is comfortable in their own skin, and likes art or did it when they were younger....and as for the money side....well since its not your money, and you have no idea how much they might have who are you to judge?

weight....who cares? either your attracted or your not..simple! but you have no right to tell someone they are fat or unfit without firstly meeting them, and even then who are you to make someone feel unworthy of love?

and the kids? as a single mum (not so single now) i don't like the thought of being judged by that, but I can understand it, and would rather someone open then someone who is going to make me walk on eggshells while they are in the company of my munchkins and I

I only wish everyone the best and luck

and yep I do have a tattoo on my back, I also have dreadlocks, i know that i am not everyones cup of tea, and thats great because i was not looking for the normal kind of guy, i wanted someone off center and kind, and thanks to online dating I found him, we are even moving in together soon...happy days!

will stick my profile up again for a few days so you guys can see who I am

best of luck x

Posted by: applesryum at June 4, 2008 4:42 PM

timewarp1 at June 4, 2008 12:42 AM

Don't do a Billy Snedden on us mate.

Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at June 4, 2008 3:26 PM

At great risk of being utterly superficial, i think it would be handy to have a button embedded into profiles, that enabled you to perform a search of the other members via a "search for people like this person"

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at June 4, 2008 2:50 PM

Hi Troy,
yeah I take your point, I read it wrong, to a point. One may select on a criteria of choice, but does that chosen person then be locked into that profile for the rest of their life, or else! One thing I did notice in woodies and your post it the modern idea,heath and looks. As weight gain after childbirth can happen, so can taking up smoking etc happen after marriage,then what do you do?.
Completely agree with your lean on respect, not only expecting others to respect you, but then extending your respect to others equally.

Nah Bill wouldn't even look at her,she is attached, so a no go area for an old gentleman, same as leaving the blogs, while attached, seems to me the right thing to do.
Cheers OG.

Posted by: oldergent at June 4, 2008 2:43 PM

Thanks all for the feedback and the blogs.... they can be amusing :)

Posted by: jodes75 at June 4, 2008 2:15 PM

that was exactly my point OG, they all paint in their own style and therefore, see the subject thru their own eyes.

Posted by: iaminperth at June 4, 2008 1:51 PM

troyohboy - thanks, that's pretty much my point exactly. I would support my partner 100% through anything that might happen to them such as an accident, cancer etc over which they had no control but I wouldn't stand by while they slowly killed themselves through substance abuse.

"If you don't respect yourself .... how can you expect someone else to?" .... exactly

Posted by: woodnwine at June 4, 2008 1:37 PM

OG - I fully understand that people age and that is a given .... and by the way I don't look for model good looks in a partner .... but people who abuse their bodies can only expect so much sympathy.

The tough get going???? Try being with an alcoholic for 2 or more years and you might learn about being tough and standing by someone .... like when they get violent or wander the streets in a drunken stupor and you have to somehow get them safely home in the middle of the night when you'd rather be sleeping.

I think you may be confusing compassion with blind ignorance.

Posted by: woodnwine at June 4, 2008 1:32 PM

Woody, it must be me who misunderstood what you are trying to say and I am out of step with everybody else.
I thought you meant you would stick by someone with whom you are in a relationship whatever happens unless they radically change due to substance abuse or other unhealthy lifestyle that has a negative effect on themselves and the relationship.

Sorry OG I don't equate putting on weight after kids, which can happen, with taking up smoking or becoming a sloth and putting on 30 kgs.

Spanky, a sparkle in the eye can lose it's appeal when it becomes a pig like glint amongst the jowels of the morbidly obese.

I've said it before, if you can't respect yourself how can you expect others to.

And good on you TW, I thought you may have run off with WB haha. Hope it works out.

Troy

Posted by: troyohboy at June 4, 2008 1:10 PM

WoodnWine 4 June 10:20am It has to be, surely, how else can so many varying people have partners who adore them. As you said, getting to know someone can change how you see them (for better or for worse) and as I have found in my short life, personality is an incredibly sexy quality.....to see that sparkle in the eye, to see the warmth, honesty and (hopefully) a little mischevious twinkle, that shows you who they are, it's great, friend or partner.

Posted by: spanky668 at June 4, 2008 12:25 PM

Timewarp....

FANTASTIC NEWS!!!
I'm so very happy for you.. please do keep in touch.

CHEERS... T

Posted by: decoratress at June 4, 2008 12:24 PM

Woody,
sorry I can't agree with you, love should not be conditional, you marry a non smoker, she starts smoking, thin woman that put the weight on after a couple of your kids, marry a beauty and her looks fade because of that,then you want out, not a good look for you that post, sure things people do to themselves can be rough on you, but you know the old saying
"When things get tough etc".

Hi Perth,@10.07am
never miss it myself, but if you look at the other work of the artists he presents as a background, they mainly paint in a style and medium that suits them. The other thing that is of more interest is the paintings the siters pick for themselves, so far I have only agreed with one choice by the sitter, and I think it was in the first series. Still I wish I had the talent of any artist that has appeared to date.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at June 4, 2008 12:14 PM

Hi Woody, The portraits are usually showing the inner feelings of the person and sometimes they do not picture 'beauty' as such. One showed the person with his inner being very sad, it's a fascinating programme, try to have a look if you can, it's with
Rolf Harris and I don't know the name, but channel 2, should be easy to find, only 30 mins once a week. I agree with a lot of what you say, I have a lot of sympathy for people who have no control over illness etc., but I think there are too many medical terms used for people today who simply make bad life choices. Also it is very easy to become a cripple by choice by becoming obese and then you have control of a lot of people and also don't have to work. Yes, the screaming will happen, discrimination etc., but I worked with a woman who weighed 168kgs and really she was not effective, took a massive time off work with medical problems etc., swore blind she did not eat much and it was a medical problem. Rubbish, she didn't eat much at all at each sitting, she grazed 24 hours a day almost and never ate a decent meal just stuffed herself. I think the medical component makes up about 2% and that can be changed with medication. Also she smelled in the summer because of the horrendous roles of fat not being able to get fresh air. I would think that a man or woman married in a situation like that would find it pretty horrendous if they wouldn't try to help themselves.

Posted by: iaminperth at June 4, 2008 11:54 AM

My search criteria would not be possible for RSVP, because apart from being a non smoker, somewhere around my age, and reasonably healthy, with no addictions, ie gambling or drugs, I am fairly open.

My preference would be for someone with a fairly peaceful nature, who liked me.

Posted by: virgil at June 4, 2008 11:38 AM

An inteeresting situation, a regular blogger finds the love of his life, therefore retires from blogging, or not?

I dont know what I would do.

To explain to a new love why I still go on RSVP just to blog, might ring some bells better left alone.

If this blog was not attached to a dating site, it might be easier to justify continued use to a new partner.

The simplest solution is clearly to just let it go.

The friendships gained over a few years, would I guess have broadened out to other means of communication by now, and aquaintances come and go from our lives all the time.

Posted by: virgil at June 4, 2008 11:16 AM

Timewarp

Your success is so well deserved. I dont know of anyone who has worked harder to achieve the desired result.

Many of us, me included, I think would have given up earlier.

So, congratulations!

Posted by: virgil at June 4, 2008 11:04 AM

perth - beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder and often what one person finds beautiful another won't. I haven't seen that show but can understand how it would be interesting. Also, often when you get to know a person they start to look a bit different .......... (don't they?)

Posted by: woodnwine at June 4, 2008 10:20 AM

Previous post should have read 'now quite successful" in fact it is extremely successful and going great guns.

Posted by: iaminperth at June 4, 2008 10:07 AM

I was having a little skim thru the profiles this morning and came across a very interesting one, all good things and a lot of compatibility and then I read looking for "tall, slim, long hair, blue eyes etc.," okay being realistic, short, bit chub, medium hair and green eyes is not going to do the trick here so moving right on ........ Has anyone watched that amazing Rolf Harris programme on TV at the moment where three artists do a portrait of a particular person as they see that person. The difference in the pictures is amazing and provides a fascinating insight into how a person can be viewed. I wonder how many of the guys here are so set in stone with the view on what their perspective partner looks like, rather than what that person is really like.

Posted by: iaminperth at June 4, 2008 10:03 AM

"And that people get sick, (I think she also quoted the stats re heart disease, diabetes, etc) or are involved in car accidents and like all of us, just want acceptance and unconditional love
I noticed a male reply (was it Woody?) who responded with a "you've got to be joking?"

Yet none of us know what the future holds no matter how healthy we may be at the current time. One would hope that any partner, people who have such an attitude may have in the future, would not be quite so callous!
Posted by: amberlight58 at June 3, 2008 9:07 PM"

That's not exactly what I was meaning so maybe I should explain myself better. If I was with someone I would support them through anything .... almost. I would find it very difficult to continue to support someone who abused their health through someting like smoking, overeating, unhealthy diet, total lack of exercise/fitness, alcoholism, drug addiction etc. These things are lifestyle choices, not diseases or accidents, so I would not continue to support someone who chose these things over a long and happy life/future with me.

Having said that, I spent about 2 years in a relationship with an alcoholic quite a while ago and that was tough going. Eventually she got over her addiction and we broke up for other reasons, so I would support my partner up to a point. Certainly I would support a partner if they had an accident or contracted a disease.

Premature heart disease and diabetes are usually (but not always) caused by our lifestyle choices so why should I stay with someone regardless of what ailements they choose to afflict their bodies with? Many ailements that our hospitals are busy treating are avoidable/preventable.

Posted by: woodnwine at June 4, 2008 9:54 AM

Timewarp@12;42am...Wow! Congratulations...always knew that it sometimes happens....best of luck

Posted by: ssshhh at June 4, 2008 9:08 AM

Hey Bill - well done mate and best of luck. Nine and a half hours for a first date .... that must surely be a record. Drop in from time to time and let us know how things are going.
Cheers
woody.

Posted by: woodnwine at June 4, 2008 8:45 AM

Timewarp/Bill,
That is so wonderful to hear. Hope everything contnues to go wonderfully for you! Keep us "up to date" occasionally won't you? (That is if you get the time!)

Kaz @ 10:23 PM Agreed! But we'll keep being positive!

Tradey,
Looks great, sounds so much better. Now you present like a really nice guy. Good luck!

Posted by: amberlight58 at June 4, 2008 8:38 AM

Very happy for you, TW - sounds great. Hope it all goes well :)

Posted by: malsie at June 4, 2008 7:47 AM

TW congrats on the successful dating and sincere best wishes that it continues for you, your date sound lovely and it is sooo good to see a blogger have a happy ending....also a happy ending gives the rest of us a good feeling , in that it does happen.......have a lovely day out there in blog land ....jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at June 4, 2008 7:38 AM

lovemuzic - 6.35pm I think your matchmaking was excellent. Sometimes you just never know.

Be good if they were both reading what you wrote - popped off an email to each other - planets collide... all that. aargh. Me ever the romantic.

Oh, and how good would it then be to read about it all here on the blogs.

We'll wait in anticipation.

Enjoy your day everyone.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at June 4, 2008 7:24 AM

Timewarp - 12.42am. Thats fantastic. Good luck with your new lady. I'm very happy for you.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at June 4, 2008 6:59 AM

jodes75 at June 3, 2008 10:41 PM
There is a potted 'thanks but no thanks' reply option for unsolicited emails.
You could write back and express your thoughts if you received the email, and no, you are not under any obligation at all to anyone here as far as chatting- and the chat prompt box has a couple of cop out response possibilities too..
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at June 4, 2008 2:11 AM

Good morning all. Just called in for a quick blogread when I came home from tennis, (my first read for a week) and to say

GOODBYE, more or less, to all my blogfriends.

BECAUSE 'SHE' HAS FOUND ME.

Got an RSVP kiss from a woman a week ago. Latest of about 40 locals in the last coupla years, not counting well over a hundred foreigners, looking for me to import them to BrisVegas.

Liked the look and words of her, so I invited her email, which came within a couple of hours. Emailed her back briefly with my phone number, and she phoned me promptly. We quickly arranged our first date for Saturday.

Lunch at a football club (because it was expected to be wet and windy) went very well, and stretched through afternoon coffee. Then the sun came out, so we walked along the nearby beach till sunset, then sat and watched the lights of Bribie come on across Deception Bay.

I didn't want it to stop, so I invited her to come with me to dinner, while we were already out. She counter-offered dinner at her home in that suburb (because she trusted me - not generally wise for a woman. Too risky in theory.) But said I'd have to open her bottle of cold white for her.

By the time we'd talked enough for that date, we'd been together nine and a half hours.

I was back across town next day for a 3pm movie together (the new Indiana Jones - excellent.) Then dinner and chat again at her place - 6.1/2 hours together, that time.

Since then 3 emails a day in each direction (the first arrived here before I even got home on Saturday night) and today we've decided to go steady, and see what happens.

So you'll hear a lot less from me here in the blogs in future.

I'm so very glad to have met her now, and not a year or two earlier. Why?

In the last 2 and a half years I've read well over a thousand Brisbane women's profiles (skimmed 887 the first day after I joined - took me 14 hours.)

I've sent out well over 300 kisses, got over a hundred "No thanks" and had over a hundred haughtily and totally ignored (usually the prettiest ones, often pictured worshipping their wine glass. That's a lesson ...)

And I've had most of 150 invite my email, leading to about 120 first meetings, not counting the meetings that resulted from them sending me a kiss - probably about another 20 or 30.

So now I really know who's out there in BrisVegas,. And that let me realise very quickly that I don't expect to find anyone else out there who's more delightful (to my eyes and ears) than this one is.

That's very reassuring, because we always hope to do as well for ourselves as possible.

So I'll wish you all success with RSVP too.

It's all about grasping life's opportunities the moment they present, and not just looking at the water from a distance, and wondering if it might be too chilly today.

All the best to you all.

Bill

Posted by: timewarp1 at June 4, 2008 12:42 AM

Well done on the changes Tradey (yep, I peeked too). No offence to those from other parts of Australia but you will find Victorians to be very helpful in most instances. Especially our AuntyKaz.

Good luck with your search.

Posted by: ninaschen at June 3, 2008 11:26 PM

I'm new, so i search for ladys who live close to me. I can chat at other sites and have a laugh and make friends there. It is here where i'm looking to actually meet people.

Posted by: slychef at June 3, 2008 11:09 PM

Hi Jodes75, I wouldn't think you are ever obligated to contact someone...If they have sent an e-mail rather than a kiss that is their prerogative, but does not mean you have to accept anymore than you would a kiss.......granted this isn't a situation I face often (ever)......Good luck, and follow you gut..if it is not something you want to pursue, don't feel you have too.

Posted by: spanky668 at June 3, 2008 11:04 PM

Why should a person feel obligated ? The sender FREELY decided to send the email.

If it happened to me and I was not interested I would simply say

"Thank you but I graciously decline"

Hi Everyone, I'd like to know peoples thoughts on people sending an email without an initial kiss for you to accept or say no thanks to. If it has happened are you obligated to chat seeing as someone has used a stamp?
Thx Jodes

Posted by: jodes75 at June 3, 2008 10:41 PM

Posted by: mgtow at June 3, 2008 11:02 PM

Sorry further to my other post... I know we aren't obligated but is it acceptable to say thanks but no thanks or should you chat even if there's no obvious compatibility from your side of the fence? Cheers.. Jodie

Posted by: jodes75 at June 3, 2008 10:58 PM

No obligation at all jodes,if someone wants to be that presumptuous their problem,i noticed you checked my profile out,wow if all you women down that way are so attractive...might have to move state lol

Posted by: thetradey at June 3, 2008 10:57 PM

Hi Jodes - No you are not obliged to chat to someone just because they have emailed straight up. But if you like the look of him, go for it.

Otherwise just a polite thanks but no thanks email reply is fine. If he is persistant and annoying to you then just block him.

For someone to go straight to email, is often a genuine attraction from their part though, so keep that in mind.

Good luck.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at June 3, 2008 10:57 PM

Thanks and G/Night ladies was a pleasure catch ya's next time

Posted by: thetradey at June 3, 2008 10:46 PM

Hi Everyone, I'd like to know peoples thoughts on people sending an email without an initial kiss for you to accept or say no thanks to. If it has happened are you obligated to chat seeing as someone has used a stamp?
Thx Jodes

Posted by: jodes75 at June 3, 2008 10:41 PM

Yes Kaz - Think I could do with a bit of a tweak right about now. Will look into that. lol.

Night all.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at June 3, 2008 10:34 PM

Thanks Jen,but have noticed all of a sudden quite a bit of interest from Victoria,a bloke nearly feels like he is on the end of the Spanish Inquisition though(havin a giggle),have to agree my tunes rock just not enough space to list them all

Posted by: thetradey at June 3, 2008 10:26 PM

Tradey, it already looks so much better and is much easier to read like that..... Well done in accepting the suggestions too :-)

Funny how a few tweaks can change the whole look of things....
Jen and Amberlight, hey if only it were that easy !!...................K

Posted by: auntykaz at June 3, 2008 10:23 PM

Well Tradey - that didn't take long to make some changes. Don't take too much away.
I like profiles that are written directly and not so full of 'fluff'.

The paras are better. We do need to get more guys learning how to type. Lol. No offence - ok?

Oh, love heaps of your music. Cool!

Good luck again. lol

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at June 3, 2008 10:13 PM

mgtow, as you and I have chatted before on another site, I can only assume that the other relationship you were in has not worked out, so for that I am sorry, however, in response to those who have misconstrued my comments, I will respond. I see the photo as a representation of the person, not the person, so what they have with them in the photo is a reflection of who they are, not what they drive or how they dress. I wouldn't kick an Adonis out of the bed, but it's not the be all and end all of physical attraction with me. As we all know there are alot of attractive people out their with very ugly souls. I would prefer a average joe with a killer smile and sense of humor to some of the hero looking dimwits I meet on the Gold Coast. I choose not to label someone until I have met them, so until someone proves me wrong I think of them in a positive light. Naive probably, but it's just as easy to lose me as a friend as have me if you have a rotten attitude to things. I keep myself as positive as I can, however, I am suffering from bouts of anxiety and shame as I walk around my school and get talked about just loud enough behind my back by young students old enough to be my kid's, if I had them. I would never ever put someone down or insult them because of the way they look because I know how that feels and how fragile self ego is to a person. It's as true in the real world when your an adult as when your a kid. I also do NOT think it is cool for men or women to not respond to kisses, however since I am a nice woman looking for a nice man, I didn't think I needed to signify who I wanted replies from. Just as well they are free because if I had to pay for the amount I send out, I would be broke! Plus I have a cat who is currently my stand in boyfriend. So now I'm a fat complainer with no life and a cat lady to boot :-D So be it!

Posted by: bigheartedgal33 at June 3, 2008 10:10 PM

Thanks for the honesty ladies much appreciated took your point kaz,and jigged it a touch and to jenniferhi about 3 weeks,amberlight58 thank you for your thought no criticism taken

Posted by: thetradey at June 3, 2008 10:07 PM

Tradey,
I agree with Kaz. Your PS line seems a little aggressive, though I can understand your frustration if you have been caught by people who have appeared to be time wasters in the past.
But you could put your concerns a little more politely.
You may well put off some girls, as that sort of comment could lead some to think that you tend to be direspectful towards women and cast blame a lot.
Just a thought, not a criticism and not everyone will agree!

Posted by: amberlight58 at June 3, 2008 9:54 PM

Hmmm Tradey, my last post has been moderated a little.
".I would lose the line, it does not sound at all nice and getting your point across there without resorting to that aint hard." refers to the line in your profile in which you have blanked out a few letters in capitals...you will see what l am getting at in your profile...................K

Posted by: auntykaz at June 3, 2008 9:44 PM

Thanks Firelight but he is doing well now and has lived like this for a number of years. He purchased the bar with the compensation money and has turned it into an amazingly successful business. Also has since married and has the most beautiful child you have ever seen. He lost nearly quarter of his skull starting above his left eye when a circular saw broke loose when he was working in a timber yard as a younger guy. He has medication for epilepsy now and also has a problem with speech and slightly paralysed on one side, but apart from that works full time, has a beautiful house, wife and child. His wife is a school teacher who he met on a bus trip thru Europe and she obviously only sees the beautiful hard working honest soul that he is. Their child is magnificent. I only see him as my friend, my beautiful friend who I treasure and learn from every day of my life.

Posted by: iaminperth at June 3, 2008 9:34 PM

Thetradey - I think your profile is good. It's direct, down to earth and reflects you well I would think. No BS from you and likewise you don't want any in return.

I think a profile like that is great. How long have you been on?

Good luck in the search.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at June 3, 2008 9:21 PM

TheTradey, just went back to have an indepth read, as opposed to an quick glance...Okay you asked so here goes.
I would lose the line, it does not sound at all nice and getting your point across there without resorting to that aint hard.
You also go into detail about yourself, presumably from a selling point but also to give an idea of what makes you appealing in your own eyes, but then say "if you want to feel good about yourself look in the mirror".
Tradey, isn't a relationship, about making someone else feel good too?? Give and take sort of thing......
That comment could also be turned around to reflect yourself.
Maybe a new photo, the one you have there is fine just a bit overexposed and maybe more than one....
More attention to punctuation and grammar as well as paragraph breaks would break up the big block of information.
Your ideal partner section is well populated which is unusual to say the least so points there.
The positive information in your profile is good in regards to what you like to do.
Minor reworkings really, good luck to you.
BTW you live in the best part of Queensland, The Sunshine Coast. ..........K

Posted by: auntykaz at June 3, 2008 9:17 PM

ER&L,
I had never read all of that verse either. It rings very true.
Yesterday a lovely lady I knew who lived by that creed died, aged only 38 after a 10 year battle with breast cancer.
She was a most beautiful person, who so appreciated her family, friends and all those who helped and supported her.
She died quickly and unexpectedly and thankfully, peacefully.
She leaves two sons in their teens, a husband who adored her, and a family who will be devastated.
She always looked on the positive side of life, despite battling one setback after another.
I remember her telling me one day about how much she appreciated her sons reaching milestones such as graduating from primary school, and how people often commented about how emotional she was. As she said every milestone they passed was a milestone she wasn't sure she'd ever see, and she so appreciated being able to enjoy them.
If life was fair she would have won her battle, for if ever someone appreciated life, it was her.

Perth,
It is sad how people judge others not for who they are, but for what they have materially. Your friend is a prime example. I wonder just how hopeless it must be for anyone who has disability to find a partner, when people are so concerned with material assets and 'health'.

One of the guys here talked about an ex air hostess he met who was overweight and he was most scathing about her being unhealthy.
I think it was Firelight who said the lady had been fortunate that this person didn't want her anyway. And that people get sick, (I think she also quoted the stats re heart disease, diabetes, etc) or are involved in car accidents and like all of us, just want acceptance and unconditional love
I noticed a male reply (was it Woody?) who responded with a "you've got to be joking?"

Yet none of us know what the future holds no matter how healthy we may be at the current time. One would hope that any partner, people who have such an attitude may have in the future, would not be quite so callous!

Posted by: amberlight58 at June 3, 2008 9:07 PM

Iaminperth - could you drop me a line regarding your friend in QLD, we might be able to help i.e. the visible effects etc. My field of work is trauma and ICU. Sadly his account is not unusual but we can assist even 2.5 years down the track.

A mutual friend may be able to give you my email. Best wishes, your post on the Percheron brought back memories of my childhood in Normandy - beautiful horses!

Posted by: firelightlady at June 3, 2008 8:56 PM

Hi auntykaz,just noticed you checked my profile out,well then honest opinion pls as not having much luck finding what i am searching for,but have weeded out some attention seekers though

Posted by: thetradey at June 3, 2008 8:53 PM

Jenniferhi, iaminperth and Woodnwine, thank you for your kind words.....it is always nice to be fortunate enough to meet with people on a similar journey, and well wishers.

Posted by: spanky668 at June 3, 2008 8:38 PM

I have a male friend in Qld who had a terrible accident and spent 3 months in intensive care and then a couple of years in recovery. He has since purchased a small bar which is not quite successful. He likes to work behind the bar some nights as he likes people and has often asked ladies out. The rude replies he has encountered including freak, retard and giggles have been soul destroying and mind boggling. However, it's funny how this man with still some visual injuries becomes so attractive when he gets into his new Mercedes 4WD to go home and these same people realize he owns the place. Have tried the same experiment here with a younger male friend. He likes to go to Subi and would like to meet a young lady, he is studying medicine and drives a bit of a bomb., However, if he takes my car and parks it nearby for all to see it is amazing how many of these women find him soooooo attractive. Seems all a little shallow to me, so ladies when you are criticizing the guys, just remember they don't have it all their own way.

Posted by: iaminperth at June 3, 2008 7:16 PM

Virgil - Just the way you wrote the heading on your last post got me laughing. Imagine people just looking at the home page blog topics. Looks charming doesn't it?

Maybe we should all just abbreviate him to ER&L like some have.

Sorry, but I just can't stop laughing tonight. There has been some stuff set me off for sure today.

Hope everyone is having a good evening.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at June 3, 2008 7:10 PM

mgtow, i just had to have a little peek... and I am with amdoingit....wow....no complaints here, hope you enjoy the online dating experience and blogging...have a lovely wet evening all...we are getting much needed rain here at last...jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at June 3, 2008 7:00 PM

Grego, it is called multitasking....surely an easy enough thing.......K

Posted by: auntykaz at June 3, 2008 6:41 PM

Posted by: jaspercat at June 1, 2008 3:24 PM

I'm not sure if we are allowed to play matchmakers here on these blogs, but it doesn't hurt to try. So here goes.

Browsing through the profiles of Sydney men currently online, I came across LightEarthTreader and thought of you. I read his profile and found so many ways you and him could be compatible. The list is too long to include here. Just for starters he's got beautiful eyes like you, he's one year older than you, he's a little taller than you, he plays piano (and you want someone interested in music) and the list goes on.

Please check out his profile. Of course, he's in Sydney (because I only tend to look for Sydney men), but you never know - one of you can relocate.

One last thing. If you meet and it doesn't turn out, I accept no responsibility. But if you meet, fall in love and get married, then it was all because of me. LOL.

Good luck.

Posted by: lovemuzik at June 3, 2008 6:35 PM

Eats roots and leaves

Thanks for putting that poem up, I have seen the first few words many times, but never seen it in its entirety.

Posted by: virgil at June 3, 2008 5:34 PM

grego7 at June 3, 2008 1:00 PM
A big hearted bloke can run both at once without feeling faint.

Posted by: laughsandtalks at June 3, 2008 4:20 PM

i understand..... i put my comment on before he did his so i was referring to someone else...

Posted by: cutesmile52 at June 3, 2008 4:16 PM

Cutie.. WnW is merely pointing out that it happens with both males and females.. He's not being critical I'm sure..
I agree with you but I also know a few of the males (personally as friends) on this site and they have the same experiences and grievances that we do..... Cheers.. "G"

Posted by: amdoingit at June 3, 2008 3:12 PM

Bighearted, umm, I actually thought the Adonis looks perfectly healthy.. and.. perfectly toned to boot....

mgtow.... I had to have a peek and all I can say is ...интересный профиль ... !!!!!!

Cheers all.... "G"

Posted by: amdoingit at June 3, 2008 3:07 PM

each of of us has our own experiences on rsvp...there is no need to critize one for making a comment...to each their own and makes interesting reading...

Posted by: cutesmile52 at June 3, 2008 2:27 PM

"Of all these self-proclaimed "down to earth, normal" guys, not alot of them have the common courtesy to reply to kisses.
Posted by: bigheartedgal33 at June 3, 2008 12:39 PM"

Funny thing is bighearted .... most women think it's OK for them not to reply to kisses.

Posted by: woodnwine at June 3, 2008 2:20 PM

Solitude by Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone.
For the sad old earth must borrow it's mirth,
But has trouble enough of its own.
Sing, and the hills will answer;
Sigh, it is lost on the air.
The echoes bound to a joyful sound,
But shrink from voicing care.

Rejoice, and men will seek you;
Grieve, and they turn and go.
They want full measure of all your pleasure,
But they do not need your woe.
Be glad, and your friends are many;
Be sad, and you lose them all.
There are none to decline your nectared wine,
But alone you must drink life's gall.

Feast, and your halls are crowded;
Fast, and the world goes by.
Succeed and give, and it helps you live,
But no man can help you die.
There is room in the halls of pleasure
For a long and lordly train,
But one by one we must all file on
Through the narrow aisles of pain.

Posted by: amberlight58 at June 3, 2008 9:02 AM
Some times things on here get far too serious!

"Chaos! Panic! Disorder! My Work Here Is Done!"
;)

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at June 3, 2008 1:32 PM

quote - authour bigheartedgal33
"Of all these self-proclaimed "down to earth, normal" guys, not alot of them have the common courtesy to reply to kisses."

Let me assure you that it goes BOTH ways.

Rather than complain about it I put it down to simply no interest -- I am not going to get upset/rant/vent because I spent one minute of time on someone and they did not reciprocate, to do so and lament or ruminate on it is the greater disservice to ones self.

Posted by: mgtow at June 3, 2008 1:20 PM

quote - author bigheartedgal33

"Photos should show who the person is, what they look like is secondary as far as I am concerned."

Good point and I understand where you are coming from alas though what about those that have pictures with expensive sports cars for example - who they are is perhaps being portrayed by that photo as a connoisseur of fine automobiles, yet they will be labeled all manner of derogatory terms for having a picture of themselves with their porsche.

How about pictures of people with their dogs - who they are is a dog lover, yet some may think in the case of a woman that has no children for example that she uses the dog(s) as a child substitute

Then to use myself as an example - who I am is a body builder and fitness aficionado, so I show this, I do not do "main stream" sports yet I am constantly the target of numerous insults and put downs for showing who I am

Moral of the story -- you cant please everyone, do what makes you happy and you are comfortable with( as long as it does not intrude on others) and maybe you will find someone who shares the same outlook.

Posted by: mgtow at June 3, 2008 1:10 PM

Does anyone know what the success rate of RSVP is for people achieving long term relationships? If the blogs are a guide RSVP is not doing well.

It seems to me that some people look for a partner in the same way that that they buy a car. Setting all sorts of specifications.. ..most of which are irrelevant.

Perhaps a better approach is to determine which attributes are a total negative. For me I eliminate smokers and woman with no children.Then applying my target age range 50-55 and an arbitrary 25km radius gives me a market potential of 416 females.

Now it seems to me there would be something really wrong if I could not find some ideal partner amongst those 416. At a guess perfectly good realtionships could be formed with at least 5%.( and at least 20-30% would be worth dating) I suspect this is Timewarps appraoch as well but he has gone missing in action.

I dont believe in that "soulmate" rubbish. If one believes there is only one other person in the world for you then you are doomed to failure.

Ignore photos. Some people photograph well others dont. If you just go on photos you rule out so many potentially beautiful women.

I used to check out a lot of men's profiles to see what the competion was and from the comments by women on these blogs a lot of guys are just hopeless. So a genuine guy who is smart with his targetting has just gotta succeed. So endeth the lesson.

PS My old man told me ( I will clean up the language) that one organ is for thinking and one organ for sex. Some guys let the sex organ do their thinking. This organ is entirely incapable of even the simplest thought.Furthermore the male heart is only capale of supplying blood to one of the two organs at the same time. So any male should know when his brain is not being supplied with blood and therefore is turned off.

Posted by: grego7 at June 3, 2008 1:00 PM

Photos should show who the person is, what they look like is secondary as far as I am concerned... to a point. It's as true of thin as it is of fat that we are all looking for the best possible mate to continue the species with. Studies show we either look for the same face shapes, same interests and same personality to a certain extent, or our complete opposite.

I am looking for someone who is healthy, not someone who looks like the Greek Adonis.

Of all these self-proclaimed "down to earth, normal" guys, not alot of them have the common courtesy to reply to kisses.

I have always through that RSVP was a medium thorugh which to meet nice men who, like me, didn't have the time to date in the traditional manner, and didn't like the atmosphere of nightclubs.

It is a popularity contest. Who has the nicest photo? Obviously not me!

Posted by: bigheartedgal33 at June 3, 2008 12:39 PM

Hi Virgil,
Yes I was thinking the same thing the other night, I hope he's okay too!
Hopefully woody's right, and between his earning a crust and dating Ms Right Enuff, he has no longer got the time to blog.
Hopefully he'll 'check in' amd let us know what he's up to, even if it's only a line or two.

Posted by: amberlight58 at June 3, 2008 11:25 AM

Maybe we're asking for too much ..............

Posted by: woodnwine at June 3, 2008 11:14 AM

virgil - maybe he's finally met someone worth dating a 2nd and possibly 3rd time.

Posted by: woodnwine at June 3, 2008 11:13 AM

Timewarp

Where are you?

Most of us here are single people living alone, and it would be fairly distressing to learn that some accident has happened to any one of us, with no one to ask Where are you?

Are you well?

Posted by: virgil at June 3, 2008 10:59 AM

The rules of NRL and cant understand why they throw the ball backwards...

In Rugby (both kinds) the only forward movement of the ball allowed is kicking or running with it.

That is why if you are going to pass it to another player that player must be behind you, thus throwing backwards.

This is also true for any passing, a player on your own team in front of you is deamed off side so for kicking too all players eligable to touch the ball after a kick must be behind the kicker prior to the kick taking place.

Posted by: creativestuart at June 3, 2008 10:51 AM

eastofcdb

Your profile states you are trying to learn the rules of NRL and cant undersyand why they throw the ball backwards.

I have the same problem with AFL! Last week my team were world beaters crushing the 4th team on the ladder by 50 points.

This week, tow of our aging stars had a combined tally of 60 posessions, but were just chipping it round in the back half and got flogged by 100 poits.

Next week we might kick it forwards for a change, and win the game, we might even win enough games to finish 9th.

Hmmm better to finish bottom, and get the best young PLAYER in the country.

What an odd game, that rewards poor performance in that way.

Posted by: virgil at June 3, 2008 10:36 AM

QUOTE-

BM1960 - have had the same thought tonight. Have had FIVE replies to an earlier post by Grouches&Regurgitates knocked back throughout the day by the blog moderator... so maybe he IS the RSVP staffer in disguise. Seems unfair that I can be hammered so personally on here and given no right to reply...by firelightlady

end quote

You may end up looking very foolish if the moderator is in fact a woman. You have made an assumption that the moderator is a man and thus limiting your right to reply, ohhh the big bad patriarchy is oppressing you is it ?

Perhaps the moderator in their wisdom is not approving your posts to avoid this blog becoming nothing but a mudslinging arena

This retort is nothing but Misandry on your part.

Posted by: mgtow at June 3, 2008 9:53 AM

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at June 2, 2008 3:35 PM

Great stuff! It's really nice to have a genuine laugh and your posts can be excellent "circuit breakers".
Some times things on here get far too serious!

Posted by: amberlight58 at June 3, 2008 9:02 AM

I think most of us on RSVP are looking for the same thing, a long term relationship. I know I am. After being in a bad marriage for almost 30 years and then another relationship I thought was forever and got very badly burnt financially I am of course very cautious.
I am not prepared to "settle" for a man just for the sake of a partner. The word "chemistry" hasn't been used here and that is what makes up consider entering into a relationship. I guess it can be called sexual attraction. The downside to that is you both have to feel it. Love can of course grow over time, and friendships can sometimes grow into love, but I know for me I have to feel that "zing" can't help it that is me. I know out there somewhere is THE man for me, my one last love affair to last.
Don't bash me about my profile, I have just changed it and I know it is not all that informative, in fact an almost I don't care attitude, but I changed it after I met a guy for coffee last week and within 5 minutes he was asking if I was interested in having sex with him.
Sometimes I do wonder why I bother but I remain the eternal romantic optimist.

Posted by: eastofcbd at June 3, 2008 9:02 AM

i think that sometimes all the wishing and hoping and praying doesnt help. It makes us all seem too needy.

Go with the flow and let it happen..................

Posted by: twoeyes at June 3, 2008 8:39 AM

"how do you quantify the intangible, in anything less than abstract terms....I am hoping I will meet someone who will have that quality I didn't know I was looking for in a person, a sense of ease about them, a mutual "mojo" happening, and a implicit comfort in communication between us....I am not one for games, and love being able to talk to someone openly and honestly.... To know that you share the inappropriately timed humour, a penchant for random sillyness and an understanding of each others likes, loathes and loves...well how do you look for that....instinct, intuition, luck? a question for a better mind than mine i'm afraid......just a thought..................."

Posted by: spanky668 at June 2, 2008 10:37 PM

That's it !!!

Posted by: woodnwine at June 3, 2008 8:21 AM

iaminperth at June 2, 2008 8:22 PM

Cheers.

Posted by: laughsandtalks at June 3, 2008 7:45 AM

Perth - I like what you have written also. I think that is so true. It's interesting how you can move into the comfortable part very quickly with someone and not another, even though the attraction can be just as strong.

There's also that not wanting to just settle. We have all come from a broken relationship/relationships, know the stats on second relationships and don't want to make the same old mistakes. We want it to be right. I suppose we can unconsciously put up blocks, not realising what we are doing.

Who knows how the connection will happen, but I have great confidence it will.

And really the journey has been so worthwhile. I have met some of the most wonderful men. Made great friends. Had great experiences. Learnt heaps. And he is there - somewhere! We just have to find each other!

Have a great day everyone.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at June 3, 2008 7:25 AM

I would like to see RSVP provide the facilities to personalize our profiles more,rather than having to suffer the generic,especially in the ideal partner section,just think it would take a lot of greyness and any potential misunderstanding of where the actual person is coming from,and to make a better informed decision to contact that person or not,just a thought(come on RSVP shouldn't be to hard)

Posted by: thetradey at June 3, 2008 6:49 AM

Hello Spanky, Loved your post tonight. I think that sums it up beautifully, but I also think that is more or less the second stage of starting a relationship. Once you have gotten over the meeting, summing each other up, thinking the will I, won't I bit, it's moving into the comfortable part which I tend to believe is the best part. Being able to talk openly and honestly, have a laugh and share some humour, all good stuff. As I have said previously I think a lot of people are not moving past the first part nowadays and are judging each other on silly trivia and petty nonsense. Unfortunately we seem to have become a very judgemental society with so many people 'not acceptable' nowadays. You only have to read magazines and see the derogatory comments that are written about trivia and nonsense and we live in a time of pop culture and pseudo psychological ravings and a lot of people are not getting past the wrappings. Shame, maybe that is why there are so many people looking, totally unrealistic expectations and simply not getting to know who the other person is.

Posted by: iaminperth at June 3, 2008 4:57 AM

Thanks Girls...
I guess I am self concious in photos. I would only have about 5 in my whole life I am happy with!

Also being the photographer I am usually the one on the other side of the camera!

I do have one I might try...

I have however started chatting to one lovely lady here so some of these questions I have posted are hyperthetical.

As for childern... As I said below.. I am open to the idea of ladies with kids already

It is not the girl or the child/ren, but the ex that brings the hesitation for me.

I have some male friends in broken families and whilst they are good "mates" I wouldn't want them to be part of a relationship I was trying to have with their ex.

.

Posted by: creativestuart at June 3, 2008 12:42 AM

BM1960 - have had the same thought tonight. Have had FIVE replies to an earlier post by Grouches&Regurgitates knocked back throughout the day by the blog moderator... so maybe he IS the RSVP staffer in disguise. Seems unfair that I can be hammered so personally on here and given no right to reply...

I imagine it is the customer service rep that was so utterly unhelpful about a failed stamp purchase last week! lol - not I hasten to add Karina who was very helpful :-)
Bless...
Yes, time to move on.

Posted by: firelightlady at June 2, 2008 11:53 PM

Hi everyone, sounds like the war on words continues! What are we looking for? I think everyone enters this site with an open mind and some of us with an open heart, but there are so many players and ego trippers here that the mind boggles! So many stories of people going to dates and finding the person they have contacted is many years older or does not look like anything in the photo they have posted.Karina, it is a virtual minefield this internet dating game and there are a lot of "dirtbags" who want to feel good by gaining a few kisses, and lead people on just to make themselves feel better.

Posted by: chas56 at June 2, 2008 11:21 PM

Spanky668 - 10.37pm. I think you should put some of what you have written here on your profile. It's so well written.

Good luck on your search.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at June 2, 2008 11:19 PM

What is this shawshank redemption code I keep reading about.

Posted by: justmekylie at June 2, 2008 11:12 PM

"What kind of relationship suits you , meet once a fortnight typ thing..i guess over my house have sex and a few laughs..or have i misread this>?"

This is an email I just got, from someone I agreed to have coffee with. Hmmmpf. Well this is what I am not looking for, but do they give you an idea in their profile, no.

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at June 2, 2008 11:12 PM

Hey, Perth, just keep plugging away...
Take this for what it is l guess..... A site where many people with vastly differing opinions collide in a mish mash of words that sometimes make sense and sometimes not.....
.I also agree that mgtow's suggestion of a compliment kiss is good, although it has been suggested before l think...Maybe the powers that be may take another look at it....................K

Posted by: auntykaz at June 2, 2008 11:01 PM

"I Chose the Road Less Traveled -- Now Where the Heck Am I?"

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at June 2, 2008 3:35 PM

ER&L.........I love that, so funny.

Slightsynchronicity

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at June 2, 2008 10:51 PM

Gosh Kaz, you give an opinion and get shot down, you don't give an opinion and get shot down. In all my previous posts I thought I was being supportive and kept trying to be, sometimes you have to wonder what is the point and you get shot down anyway and what does that have to do with being nice.

Posted by: iaminperth at June 2, 2008 10:41 PM

If I could borrow a line from West Wing that I thought was apt on the topic "what are yoy searching for"..., "it's like pornography, I can't tell you what it is, but I know it when I see it"

....This seems to sum up my thoughts on the topic nicely...how do you quantify the intangible, in anything less than abstract terms....I am hoping I will meet someone who will have that quality I didn't know I was looking for in a person, a sense of ease about them, a mutual "mojo" happening, and a implicit comfort in communication between us....I am not one for games, and love being able to talk to someone openly and honestly.... To know that you share the inappropriately timed humour, a penchant for random sillyness and an understanding of each others likes, loathes and loves...well how do you look for that....instinct, intuition, luck? a question for a better mind than mine i'm afraid......just a thought...................

If I could also say, I think the the "compliment" kiss is a great idea, as I have been fortunate enough to encounter several wonderful people on this blog who would be well deserving.....stay beautiful people...cheers

Posted by: spanky668 at June 2, 2008 10:37 PM

Virgil, l have not said that Jacquie is not a nice person, just that it may be time to leave all the to and fro comments regarding authenticity where they belong. So why don't we do that, hhhmmm? ................K

Posted by: auntykaz at June 2, 2008 10:28 PM

Also Virgil TW or whoever or whatever he is still does say that and as I have said before just ignore it and it stops eventually, don't keep feeding these ridiculous accusations.

Posted by: iaminperth at June 2, 2008 10:26 PM

I am letting Jac be herself, that's exactly what I am saying, she knows who she is, she knows she is real so why go on about it. I don't remember defending myself and wanting to post photographs etc., I did register surprise at how stupid the suggestion was but that was it. Jac knows who she is, she knows she is real so why try to defend herself, that's all I am saying.

Posted by: iaminperth at June 2, 2008 10:24 PM

Hi Jac, Sorry you are not feeling too good, hope you feel better soon. I agree, I have found that also but I suppose it could be city boundaries. I had to laugh when I had a contact from "Sweden", all oobly doobly but the profile said distance 25kms, couldn't quite work that one out, but it all seemed a little suss anyway. Some people must have such huge egos and think the rest of the world are a bit silly I suppose. Get better soon.

Posted by: iaminperth at June 2, 2008 10:12 PM

Perth

Nobody said that about some of your posts following attacks on you by TW. Maybe its time to let Jacqui be herself.

Posted by: virgil at June 2, 2008 9:59 PM

Auntie Kaz

I feel you are being too hard on Jacqui.

She is a very nice person, and when you meet her at the blog meet I am sure you will like her.

Posted by: virgil at June 2, 2008 9:54 PM

Posted by: iaminperth at June 2, 2008 8:22 PM & Posted by: auntykaz at June 2, 2008 7:46 PM

Sorry guys.. points taken, didn't mean to come across in the ways described and apologies to anyone who has misconstrued any meaning..Have already moved on.... :-) (not feeling 100% well tonight, but no excuse).Sorry.... :-(

Anyway... on topic...... In the "search" criteria for "Location" I have found it frustrating that it isn't as accurate as it should be. A small issue for some (most?), yes, but fairly regularly I have found the search has been out about than 20 km or more when entering a particular km variance.

Good night,
Jac

Posted by: misspriss01 at June 2, 2008 9:50 PM

mgtow....what gave you the idea no one is interested in me? youre not a nice one are you? ..woodnw...i should have said people, but i was talking from a female's point of view....

Posted by: cutesmile52 at June 2, 2008 9:06 PM

Just skimmed through the blogs....think it may be best to turn the computer off...I made a pact with myself to be positive about everything this week so will avoid any negativity when I can....
I wish you all a wonderful week...
Cheers,
B. :-)

Posted by: bm1960 at June 2, 2008 8:56 PM

Please OG don't reincarnate him, it overwhelms and spoils the blogs.

Posted by: iaminperth at June 2, 2008 8:49 PM

I would like to see the compliment feature also. I think it would lead to e-mails as well, especially if the person lived overseas and was not looking for a relationship but as a pen friend. I think it would liven up the site also as it becomes a little bogged down at times with the same old, same old.

Posted by: iaminperth at June 2, 2008 8:32 PM

Agree entirely Kaz, Priss you are coming across as a rather obsessive person, determined to prove something to people you don't even know exist. Are you this obsessive in real life. May be something to think about. You cannot take photos of people and post them or send them to people you don't know without written consent also I would think you are in danger of sabbotaging the meetings altogether as some people will be feeling uncomfortable already, I know I would be. You need to take stock and actually start to blog as this is what this site is a blog site.

Posted by: iaminperth at June 2, 2008 8:22 PM

Posted by: mgtow at June 2, 2008 6:58 PM
That's a really nice thought and great idea mgtow :-)!

Regards,

Missy P :-), Jacqui.

Posted by: misspriss01 at June 2, 2008 7:54 PM

Yes misspriss it is a tad tedious to also read your incessant replies back to those who you think are "deviant, twisted miscreants".
As far as l can see in the last few days you have referred to these people several times and yet they haven't posted anything derogatory towards you.....
So maybe let it go, or risk boring all and sundry with it again..................K

Posted by: auntykaz at June 2, 2008 7:46 PM

Posted by: auntykaz at June 2, 2008 6:36 PM

Hi AuntyKaz, - absolutely totally agree with you :-). To be honest, I don't really want to (and have also thought about the privacy issues regarding others rights as to whether or not they would like their photo taken since my last post) I just feel like I am continually having to prove that I exist to my "detractors". Having thought it through further I don't see why I should, as I have been 100% upfront and honest in regards to who I am and if only a couple of individuals still have issues with that then that is entirely their problem and they need to move on from it - besides it is a tad tedious for the rest of the bloggers and wasted energy on their behalf (ie the "detractors" directing wasted energy towards me- does that make sense?). Having said that I can empathise with their misgivings as there are deviant, twisted miscreants (sic) in this world who take pleasure in hurting others intentionally (and this is definitely NOT me).

Take care and hope to chat again soon :-),

Kind regards,

Jac

Posted by: misspriss01 at June 2, 2008 7:24 PM

A feature I would like to see is the ability to send someone a compliment.

Rather than a kiss a compliment can be used to show appreciation of something someone has said in profile or if they have a great smile etc.

This way if you don't have a interest in the person but would like to compliment them they will not get the wrong message or idea, it would be totally platonic

Often I have read a profile or seen a photo that I believe deserves a compliment even if I have no interest in the person

Perhaps this would help to make the world a better place for all those singles out there.

Posted by: mgtow at June 2, 2008 6:58 PM

Misspriss, before you go taking pics of people at a blogmeet with the idea of maybe sending them on or putting them here, you probably should be asking their permission.
It after all will be a privately organised meeting of people.
Just a thought regarding other peoples wishes in that regard....................K

Posted by: auntykaz at June 2, 2008 6:36 PM

Posted by: creativestuart at June 2, 2008 3:02 PM

If you want advice on the best way to present your photos, have a look at the profile photos of the men in the Top 100.

What I notice about those guys on the top 100 is that they look comfortable in their own skin. They look happy and comfortable where they are.

However, the message I get from your main photo is one of submissiveness. You look like you want to be 'rescued' or something. Basically, you don't look very happy where you are. But that's only my perception.

Then there's the out of date photo. The message that I get loud and clear from that photo is: I HATE MY PRESENT LIFE.

I don't think there are many women out there looking for a man who lives in the past or yearns for the past.

I think most women (and me included) are looking for a man who is happy in his own skin and is happy with his PRESENT life.

Why don't you take a photo with your shoulders back, your head held high and smiling? How about a photo outside during a beautiful sunny day?

Please don't be offended. I only mean to help. But good luck. By the way, I won't be offended if you don't take my advice. I'm just happy to give it because you asked for it.

Posted by: lovemuzik at June 2, 2008 6:07 PM

hi creative just a couple of thoughts, you are 41, so realistically, a lot (but not all) of the women you meet may already have children, or do you consider children are baggage?

I think you need to be more realistic with your expectations on age and children....personally I think if you haven't had kids by 40 it is too late and I believe that children need parents young enough to do all the kid stuff with them, but that is my personal opinion.

So your age range needs to be more realistic, say 32 -40. But you need to consider you may meet someone wonderful, with one or 2 kids, but who may want one more. And children are not baggage, the ex's and past emotions are the baggage. So change the age thing and be more open on exsiting children.

The rest of your profile was quite good. So good luck with it...and remember these are just my thoughts...jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at June 2, 2008 5:13 PM

Creativestuart; I think your profile sounds genuine, and has all the elements a genuine girl would be looking for.
However the age group you are seeking for a potential partner for procreation (possibly) would probably be attracted to a little more spice in your profile. (Please don�t take that the wrong way).
Therefore if you could sort of make your profile seem a little more like the meat with the spices, then you should get some more attention.
I have included a sample profile with this that might give you an idea. This guy isn�t in my age group I seek, and lives in another state, and although I wasn�t looking to have contact with someone again so a far away as I have already been in contact with someone, I was tempted to accept his kiss based on his profile character.
He made me laugh. I guess it stirred some emotion, and displayed his personality more so, rather than a shopping list.
It�s just a suggestion, (not a must). Your profile is fine as it is, but if it isn�t working, then maybe you could try a different approach, if you have to. Maybe more photos, showing you smiling. Woman can be very visual as well when it comes to selecting a mate for mating. I sound like Marcus now. Ouch!
(Sample profile) THERE IS MUCH MUCH MORE BEHIND THE BRAD PIT LOOKS,YA RIGHT! I like exploring new interests. I have a GREAT SENSE OF HUMOUR, and am very independent .I always work hard to be positive, I enjoy spending time with good friends, and connecting with new people. I must admit I am not a huge fan of loads of facial hair, ONLY JOKIING. Ladies with beards can apply. I have 2 beautiful kids whom I adore and love dearly they are my heart and soul. I have a great network of friends, and I�m glad each one of them is in my life. All of them have great qualities. I believe that a good friendship is a good base for a great Relationship. I am uncomplicated, and Young at Heart, I take the good times with the bad. ENJOY LIFE THE BEST YOU CAN. THERE IS PLENTY OF TIME TO BE DEAD.

Posted by: gemsnbling at June 2, 2008 4:40 PM

The Children thing is interesting as I said below...

To add to this...
Do the girls who want children only consider the guys who want them or do they also concider the undecided?

A better category for RSVP perhaps would be children? Yes if the opportunity presents itself
i.e. not desparate but also not indecisive!

Posted by: creativestuart at June 2, 2008 4:39 PM

Woody @12.14 pm.
About time that was said.

Wombat @ 1.16 pm
Another gem, men 2 women par.

Jewels 1.45pm, that needed to be said too, men2 women 1

cutesmile, that needed to be said too. men 2 women 2

Wombat, good comeback but has been done before, no score.

Tw better come back, don't like this job. lol.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at June 2, 2008 4:36 PM

Basically how do you stand out if you are actually here for the real deal? creativestuart. What you do is ask on the blogs and then everyone takes a look and you go up the chart in the top 100, that could be a way I think. Personally I don't like your photo at all, makes you look a little sleazy with your curly bit dropping down over your forehead and the shirt opened a little too much. No, you could take a much better photo of yourself.

Posted by: iaminperth at June 2, 2008 4:19 PM

creative - personally I think you're aiming too low at 26 and this may make some women think you're not genuine. Try sticking closer to your own age .... women in their 30s are quite capable of having children. I know I am always a bit put off when I see a woman who is seeking a man 15 years younger than themselves as I wonder if they are looking for compatabily and a relationship or just some fun.

Posted by: woodnwine at June 2, 2008 3:38 PM

slightsynchronicity at June 1, 2008 10:33 PM and gemsnbling at June 2, 2008 10:54 AM
(You blokes could go down the corner and buy a $9.95 book about things on women, or it could be a penny for your thoughts. )

"I Chose the Road Less Traveled -- Now Where the Heck Am I?"

HEIGHT:
Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?"

WEIGHT:
"I'm in Shape -- Round Is a Shape"

APPEARANCE:
jaspercat at June 1, 2008 3:24 PM
"Beauty is only a light switch away."

THINGS TO KEEP IN MIND:
Guys-
"No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap !"

Gals-
"If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it."

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at June 2, 2008 3:35 PM

in reply...i just skimmed through your profile and i think that the column "children" might be an issue with some...if you want children you should specify maybe/undecided...and most women 30+ already have children...

Posted by: cutesmile52 at June 2, 2008 3:34 PM

"i think some of these men should sort themselves out on here!
Posted by: cutesmile52 at June 2, 2008 2:01 PM"

I think lots of people should sort themselves out on here.

Posted by: woodnwine at June 2, 2008 3:18 PM

"Men use affection to get sex, and women use sex to get affection"
Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at June 2, 2008 1:16 PM

Then everyone gets what they want ....... or do they?

Posted by: woodnwine at June 2, 2008 3:15 PM

quote

"i think some of these men should sort themselves out on here!" - cutesmile52

because they do not concur with your views or they have no interest in you then they are in the wrong ?

this is just more misandry

Posted by: mgtow at June 2, 2008 3:03 PM

OK Girls... I have a question

The Background - I am a genuine, 41 year old "nice guy", who is only looking for a life partner, no games, no mucking about. I am also still interested in havinng children but not desparate for them so that is not a deal breaker... Thus I am interested in a partner 26-40 to keep these options open.

The Question - How do I make my profile express this better? How do I actually get girls out from behind the computer screens and find out who each other are? How do I show that is what I want without all your cynical thoughts.. Is there a way?

Basically how do you stand out if you are actually here for the real deal?

Posted by: creativestuart at June 2, 2008 3:02 PM

i can identify with you juneb....i dont know what the score is with these older men on here...i too have always been out with younger men...and thinking that it doesnt work ive joined up here to find a man more mature...but they seem to want much younger skinnier model types...and the ones who do send email or kisses do not reply back? i think some of these men should sort themselves out on here!

Posted by: cutesmile52 at June 2, 2008 2:01 PM

what am I searching for??? a genuine honest man, who is not married/attached or a player, who really really wants to be with me...and wants to share his life with my life.

Now how hard is that.......well as I get over the poison from the last toad that has taken up my time over the last month...I can tell you that I might as well jump on the next shuttle and visit the moon or mars as that might be easier!!!!!!!!!!!!

But what doesn't kill me will make me stronger and more cynical....I might just go back to my toyboy for a while...at least I knew exactly where I stood with him, unlike the men masquerading as wanting a relationship!!

Now guys, I know that it is not all men, so don't all get upset....this is my experience ....have a lovely arvo all....jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at June 2, 2008 1:45 PM

Posted by: lovemuzik at June 2, 2008 10:44 AM

Lovemuzik I envy you. Life is so much simpler when all is black and white. Just because you don't get it doesn't mean it is not valid. There seems to be many males and females who, given they meet the right person, and that person wishes to have a child with them, or vice versa, is prepared to consider it. Doesn't seem that hard to fathom when we remove our own preconceptions.

Troy

Posted by: troyohboy at June 2, 2008 1:26 PM

From the acerbic comments being posted by both sexes (all off topic if you were to ask me !) it brings to mind the saying-
"Men use affection to get sex, and women use sex to get affection"

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at June 2, 2008 1:16 PM

Thanks woody. All helpful comment gratefully received!
On players, the problem is that we all try to sieve, looking after ourselves on so many levels, but sometimes we are just emotionally tired, lost, weak...needing some human contact, and players are oh so good at getting through then. I find it is how I relate it back to me that helps if/when that happens...they walked away from a gem, stupid people...that was sent to teach me something....ah well, I'll recognise the good ones better now...things like this. What I wokr hard to avoid doing is thrashing myself for their stupid and narrow behaviour...and remembering how beautiful all aspects are relationships are, including physical and sensual. We are total human beings... says she about to wander out in pouring raing for another coffee meet, hoping he has a heart, etc, etc. See you later folks.

Posted by: eleganteloquent at June 2, 2008 1:08 PM

For some reason my earlier post hasn't gone on yet it wasn't offensive in the least. Oh well..Try again and a shorter version of!!!

Marcus @ 7.20am.. What are you going on about.. I'd have thought that most of the women on this site would like to sieve out the players and I'm sure the same applies to the men sieving out the women. And I'm talking the "real" players ok.. I can't recall ever getting on a soap box about it though as I'd have thought it was pretty much a given..
Have I offended you or something? Obviously you've had some bad experiences but you're no orphan in that dept ok? Have a good one!! ..."G"

Posted by: amdoingit at June 2, 2008 12:22 PM

eleganteloquent ...... interesting profile, good luck with it.

Posted by: woodnwine at June 2, 2008 12:16 PM

"To give it to one person, the right person, is sunlight.
Posted by: gemsnbling at June 2, 2008 8:43 AM"

This is the comment I was referring to. Better to share with the right person than to give ..... I still believe.

Also, doesn't the man give/share something as well? It's not "just" the woman who has something to give/share.

Posted by: woodnwine at June 2, 2008 12:14 PM

Posted by: virgil at June 2, 2008 11:47 AM

Exactly my point Virg.
Players take, and to give it up to them it is giving it away.
Sharing is something more than just about sex. Sharing in a relationship is like the sunshine (as Marcus puts it). It is still like giving it, like the sun gives out the light, but it is returned. It's equally returned.
However, players just rip off more than just sex, it cost the other person emotionally and mentally. For what? Nothing worth while.

Posted by: gemsnbling at June 2, 2008 12:07 PM

gemsbling

you are right, I agreed with woody about it being a sharing experience, but didnt think about the player type, for whom it is another notch on the bedpost.

Now I will again be accused of sitting on the fence, but to me it is clear, to a player, it is giving it away, to a normal bloke, in the context of an ongoing relationship it is a sharing.

Posted by: virgil at June 2, 2008 11:47 AM

Lovemusic

As you get older, the decision becomes more clear cut, but you are probably in the age bracket that may well be undecided about children.

Posted by: virgil at June 2, 2008 11:41 AM

WnW

I like the idea of share it with, more than give it to, as well.

Sharing implies a mutual valuing, rarther than the concept of a giver and receiver.
Doug

Posted by: virgil at June 2, 2008 11:22 AM

Re sex, it is too easy to be hurt when either a woman treats a man cheaply or a man does a woman. Such a potentially amazing sharing ought not to be ruined by stupid things said after the event. Painful, whichever gender receives it. But still something very important to enjoying a real relationship, surely?

Posted by: eleganteloquent at June 2, 2008 11:11 AM

Woody: Been there done that.
But we are talking about players here, and to have sex with them is giving it away, not sharing it. They take and don't give.
I think you guys have to walk the long mile in the shoes of us girls to know how that makes us feel.
The experience is something us girls would not go out and put a worthwhile price on. Although I have paid the price for that experience (emotionally and mentally), although I didn't invite it.
You blokes could go down the corner and buy a $9.95 book about things on women, or it could be a penny for your thoughts.
But no amount of money will pay for the knowledge of how it makes women feel to have a guy turn around and expect a girl to give the sex away for nothing to him after the act.
Then give her his new boundaries by telling her that she had it wrong about his intentions.
That's not sharing, that's a one way street.
Prick like I think!

Posted by: gemsnbling at June 2, 2008 10:54 AM

Why, on such a good supportive blog as this one, is soooo much time spent feeding Marcus' ego by taking part in his obviously provoking banter??? Just look at his site, he invites people in by being disagreeable, rather like the high school tease. Marcus, i suspect you have much more of an intelligent and sensitive side than you are willing to be vulnerable about and reveal.
On the topic of the blog....what are we all searching for?

Posted by: eleganteloquent at June 2, 2008 10:48 AM

On topic...One day I tried to do a FULL SEARCH by selecting a cross next to each of the following replies to the question of DO YOU WANT CHILDREN:

Don't want any (more) of my own ask me about yours.
Don't want any (more) of my own but yours are fine.
Don't want any (more) of my own or anyone else's.

I don't know what happened, but it didn't work. I guess there was a glitch in the system that day. So ever since, whenever I'd do the search, I'd select one category at a time. Hence my earlier post complaining about all the trouble I have to go through.

However, I tried this feature again this morning, and it seems to be working now. If you select all three above, your search results will show only persons who have selected one of the three replies above. Sorry RSVP for my earlier complaint. It wasn't fair because RSVP allows me to select all three for the one search. (I don't know why the post was allowed.)

But I still stand by my grievance about the "Undecided" category. I still hate it. And after what some men have been saying on this blog (that women are as guilty as men), I tested their word by searching the women's profiles for "Undecided" in the "Do You Want Children?" question. And found it's TRUE a lot of women as well as men select "Undecided" regarding the question of children?!

With regards to RSVP searching, I absolutely love the FULL SEARCH feature. Whenever I do a search I always fill in the following: age, location, Long term relationship, height, smoking habits, should they want more children.

The rest of the criteria I ignore. It's not important. But now and again I will do a search and include "Education Level", but not always.

Like many have said so far. When I do a search, I'd also like to search for the "honest" types. But if RSVP had a question: "Is your profile honest? Yes/No". Of course all the dishonest people will surely select "Yes" and so we would be back to square one.

Regarding this question of honest/dishonest, I have found myself ignoring profiles in the first instance that have the word "cheeky" anywhere in it. Call it my intuition or whatever. But I always feel uncomfortable when I see that word on a profile.

Today I found a "scientific" reason for want of a better word for my gut feeling. I looked up the word in the dictionary and this is what it says:

cheeky: disrespectful in speech or behaviour; impudent; mischievous. Example: a cheeky child.

And I ask you: Who (in their right mind) wants to fall in love with someone "disrespectful in speech or behaviour"?

Happy blogging to all you beautiful people!
Muzic

Posted by: lovemuzik at June 2, 2008 10:44 AM

gemsnbling - maybe "to share it with" rather than "to give it to" ..... might be better?

Posted by: woodnwine at June 2, 2008 9:51 AM

NO its not just you auntkaz - I agree with you whole heartedly

Quote
"Is it just me or are some people on here really rather childish....
More like a kiddy site than an adult one..................K"

Posted by: auntykaz at June 1, 2008 10:17 PM

Posted by: mgtow at June 2, 2008 9:39 AM

Marcus: To give it to one person, the right person, is sunlight.
However to give it away for nothing is meaningless, it's like lights out.
Nothing warm and fuzzy about that.

Posted by: gemsnbling at June 2, 2008 8:43 AM

Posted by: laughsandtalks at June 2, 2008 12:09 AM

Will most likely arrange a group photo from the Adelaide Blog meet Marcus. :-) which is later this month.

Ciao,

Jac

Posted by: misspriss01 at June 2, 2008 7:25 AM

There was a questionaire I recently answered on verified photos. Look for the questionaire and answer it.

I would like to get some good shots of myself. I think full body shots make a huge difference in a profile.

Posted by: myarmsaroundyou at June 2, 2008 7:24 AM

amdoingit at June 2, 2008 12:01 AM
"AND... what do I have in common with Lonely, Groundhog and Wishful?? .... "G" "

I forget...hang on I remember now; you are also refining your 'bloke seive' to shake out the players..

blingbling at June 1, 2008 11:34 AM

"..Marcus its called protecting what us girls value more than you obviously value.
Your attitude is exactly the kind that most of us girls are trying to avoid.
That kind of attitude should go to a prostitute parlor and pay for it..."
......................................
I visited a St Kilda pro when I was 20 and pissed and had the contents of my wallet knocked off while I took the after shower. The shag was dreadful and getting ripped, spitting the dummy, then being heavied by 2 goons made it less than fun.

Anyway Lonely, what you have to remember is that your "what us girls value more.." wink, wink, is like sunlight, to all intents an infinitely renewable resource. Perhaps you would get a good virtuous feeling if you gave it away as charity more often?
Just a thought.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at June 2, 2008 7:20 AM

centaur35 at June 1, 2008 10:18 PM

Photo verification by posing with the front page of that days Australian, (or likely perhaps a Fairfax paper as they own our hearts here on RSVP) hostage style could be the go.
I know a lot of thought has been put into it but it interferes too much with the business model.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at June 2, 2008 12:40 AM

Firelite.
Your land speed record attempt is not for public consumption eh? Haha.
You can brag like Tony Mundine about everything including your boobs and bullshit like a Qld politician when needed, orate like Fidel Castro other times, but this two hundred and eighty Kmh triumph of testosterone is a state secret. Did you say you were intending stretching a leg in an Aston Martin or the legs of an AM?
Cheers Marquis.

Posted by: laughsandtalks at June 2, 2008 12:29 AM

misspriss01 at June 1, 2008 9:30 PM
Haha. Cheeky. Thanks.
Makes my point rather than breaks it.
What is the pill but a dose of hormones to neutralise a..dose of hormones? No?
Hardly CHOOSING in the sense Amber meant.
I think I still want to see a photo of you, Pastor Doug and the dogs-with-yellow-tags.

Hey. How do you make a hormone twice?
Refuse to pay her.
That was for you blingbling.

Posted by: laughsandtalks at June 2, 2008 12:09 AM

Marcus, meant to comment on an earlier post of yours but the last one I commented on threw me and I forgot... So....
I know a lot of you disagree but I'm with Marcus on the fact that if you're not compatible in the intimacy stakes then forget it..
Saying it gets better may work for some but not all. Some aren't prepared to work at it. Try spending 20 years with someone who wasn't interested in making it better and then come back and tell me I'm wrong... I have a lot to make up for is all I'm prepared to say..

AND Marcus, I'm not writing notes, etc, either.. Should I be???

AND... what do I have in common with Lonely, Groundhog and Wishful?? .... "G"

Posted by: amdoingit at June 2, 2008 12:01 AM

thanks K not open at this hr.....................II

Posted by: twoeyes at June 1, 2008 11:57 PM

Posted by: virgil at June 1, 2008 5:22 PM
Pastor.
Your sleuthing and faith in human nature may have made up for the Weagles dismal weekend.

Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at June 1, 2008 8:06 PM

Yes Marcus, that is absolutely correct.
Today was great.

The Eagles are going through a rough patch at the moment, one of their worst ever years.

That most players have a premiership medal, somewhat confuses me.

They were always going to get flooged by Collingwood, at the MCG, in a way, its better to bottom out quickly and rebuild from a very low base than to spend years in the middele 8 (5th to 12th).

Posted by: virgil at June 1, 2008 11:56 PM

Marcus, I'm a little tired tonight and not thinking straight so help me out here please. Are you suggesting that I'm inviting someone to have sex with me?? And on this site of all places?? I hope not.!!!!
Believe me I'm very normal and won't hesitate "when" I finally find someone who takes my fancy but I'm buggered if I get your drift darl. Maybe I'll read it again in the morn and it might make sense!!!! ... Cheers.. "G"I

Posted by: amdoingit at June 1, 2008 11:52 PM

Jaspercat

After seeing your comment of this afternoon, I looked at your profile, If my input might be of any help, my suggestion would be to delete all references to what you are not looking for, and rephrase those comments, in terms of what you are looking for.

OG commnted about adding more descriptions, more text. I agree with that.

Posted by: virgil at June 1, 2008 11:41 PM

do we have a sydney blogger's meet going?

Posted by: cutesmile52 at June 1, 2008 11:25 PM

Dear Jaspercat, you are not unattractive, and nobody on this planet is worthless, all I can say is too bad you live so far away, Brisbane men must be insane, and the hope of finding that someone special is ultimately why we are all here. I personally and not looking for a wife or GF at the moment, I just want a pretty lady like yourself that would like to socialize, dinner, movie laughs, drinks and a bit of fun. Dont give up, and beleive in yourself. You just havent come across the right person yet, he is out there, just give him time to find you.
Marty

Posted by: martyj1970 at June 1, 2008 11:24 PM

Ah well maybe I should just accept the fact that I am unattractive and worthless and get on with life - because that is how it feels to be a member. I only keep my profile on the absolute stupid hope that Mr Right will find me.......well I just saw a pig fly past.

Posted by: jaspercat at June 1, 2008 3:24 PM

Jaspercat, hi...
No way are you worthless or unattractive. Men do not all like the same type of women. There is someone out there for you and in the mean time you can make friends. Friends is a good place to start. Have you been to a bloggers meet-up yet? The thing is we do not all meet people in a rush and you are obviously not a player or looking for short term. Just hang in there. You could meet someone in real life, you know not on RSVP. I actually have more fun in my two jobs meeting people than I ever did on RSVP. If you can be happy within your self you will attract a guy. You are perfect for someone.

Life is difficult as E Scott Peck writes in "A Road Less Travelled" and once we accept it....well it does not seem so bad once we acknowledge that fact.

If guys on RSVP are not appreciating the online version of you that you portray, it is their loss. As another blogger posted, RSVP is a precursor to dating. Have you tried RSViP? At least you have more variety in kisses you can send like "Hi" and "would like to have coffee with you".

Hang in there, cheers from slightsynch

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at June 1, 2008 10:33 PM

2eyes, best you be getting down to the pharmacy to renew those prescriptions then......Or switch to an alternate reality far far away from this one that's fer sure.................K

Posted by: auntykaz at June 1, 2008 10:26 PM

Well, ElegantEloquent,...I don't think I have ever rated a woah, phew or even a wow.... Thank you for your kind words...

Posted by: spanky668 at June 1, 2008 10:22 PM

Previewing your Comment
I dislike it when people post old pics of themselves then turn up at the first meeting 20kg heavier and sporting lovely jowels and shorter hair etc that are not evident in their RSVP pic! Happened twice to me now. I don't have a problem with people who are a little heavy, just people who misrepresent themselves on RSVP. I think that RSVP should consider vetting the age of the pics somehow so that the poor sods out here searching for someone to hook up with don't get disappointed time an again and waste precious 'searching' time.

Posted by at June 1, 2008

Posted by: centaur35 at June 1, 2008 10:18 PM

Is it just me or are some people on here really rather childish....
More like a kiddy site than an adult one..................K

Posted by: auntykaz at June 1, 2008 10:17 PM

Marcus/Marcia - I have many times times stated on this site my empathy for the way that Males in general are treated by the media (demonisation) and by the fact that players of both genders exist and flourish -

I am not ashamed to say I truly like and enjoy the company of men both as friends, co-workers, and on a more intimate and long term level. I love men. Their courage, their abilities, and their humour (attributes they share with women I also care for) - I celebrate their differences, I would be lost in a sea of oestrogen without them and I believe (personally) that is not good for anyone - balance is everything.

At the same time some are shockers - also some women; some are shallow and frankly oxygen thieves - so are some women. I know men who lost 80/20 in divorce settlements, and I almost did as badly.

I believe that feminism is often heartily misused in both the family courts and in ranting blogs. As is misandristry.

I am unable to publicly (on blogs) provide you the speed proof you niggle at and won't email for, so wait until I return from the UK in July. I am 'stretching the legs' of a DBS and those photos will be posted as the owner is happy for me to do so - unlike his Aussie racing mates - an old bint that drives fast??! Yeah!

BTW his other car is a GTC... told his wife it was a family car... lol

Firetrucks are an unusual drive because of the water load on board and the speed requirement... Often older vehicles, very low KLMs, interesting momentum, road hold and handling, not generally for the fainthearted... smart beefcake guaranteed... unless of course you prefer silicone girls in checkerboard print...

Posted by: firelightlady at June 1, 2008 9:50 PM

Hey spanky668, woah lovely man, you ARE expressing what you want to say about yourself...just say it! My profile is where I am at in relation to guys so I project how I want to be seen. It helps enormously because when guys actually get to the phone call, they don't get surprises. Just be yourself darling. That is worth more than anything else. Girls are going to love you... you have such a genuinely loveable nature that comes through, seriously. And you are tall, young, educated and a professional. Phew!! And on top of that a really nice person. Well, wow, yeah. Those young ladies out there are waiting to know there is such a catch. You would stand out by just stating what you have said here on the blog.
OK, everyone, I am just an ageing hippy who wants people to be happy and find love... a romantic like so many of us on here. Why concentrate on weight, size, and such insignificant things? There are some amazingly attractive people on this blog, truly attractive, lovely PEOPLE.
Life is sooo short... best to enjoy it by being ourselves, eh?
A guy at brunch told me today that I will never be single. I was sort of curious, having been widowed for over ten years and feeling painfully single. He said I could never be single because I love being connected with people too much. Nice! I guess the same goes for anyone who contributes to a blog...

Posted by: eleganteloquent at June 1, 2008 9:35 PM

"Hello browneyzes, if you send an RSVP email to Virgil he will be able to give you the details of the Adelaide blog meet - we can't actually give dates or times on the blog due to RSVP rules and regs. Would be lovely to see you there :-)."
Thank you Miss P aka Jacqui, I have emailed Virgil. I moved here from Melbourne several years ago and it has been hard to make any kind of friends here. So a meet like that would be wonderful. Thanks again for the suggestion.

Posted by: browneyzes at June 1, 2008 9:31 PM

Anyway as for your statement about how we can CHOOSE to behave and overide our hormones, when was the last time you chose succesfully not to ovulate and then menstruate?
Haha. Cheers Marcus
Posted by: laughsandtalks at June 1, 2008 8:37 PM

Ummmm.... Choosing to take a contraceptive pill Marcus.... ie women can delay ovulation and menstruation by skipping the non-active pills...(sorry... don"t mean to be a spoil sport :-)....

Jac (Gawd, I'm in for it now).

Posted by: misspriss01 at June 1, 2008 9:30 PM

is it my less than vivid imagination, but has this deteriorated into another less then plausible mud slinging lets lay the blame elsewhere i didnt do it type of topic??????????????????????????????????????????

what am i searching for is someone real with warts and all , that turns my crank, and would like to be at 75% of the time faithful and does what they say they will do......................

but then i digress this is a dating blog, and not all of us wish to be here or contribute in a meaningful way.

May be i still live in another galaxy far far away, and then maybe again the doctor hasnt renewed my prescriptions.............

Posted by: twoeyes at June 1, 2008 9:15 PM

Hi Malsie and Firelightlady, thanks for the tips.

Firelightlady, That is in part my point, normally I just joke around, and am pretty easy going, so trying to put that in a profile losses a bit in translation...I don't think that means I am not being myself on here, just that there is a different, quirkier, wittier me in person, not least of all because it takes me so long to type..I can't be spontaneous.

I don't mind a knock back..if the "spark" is not mutual, there is nothing to pursue as far as I am concerned...I don't consider that a reflection on me...and I hope anyone I don't pursue contact with does not consider it a reflection on them, but there is something that will grab our attention in a profile .. that may indicate compatability...or just a well written profile.

again, I think it is a trade off between whether the differences outway the sames, and what value we put on a particular trait/characteristic or other......

I'd date the devil themself if they made a mean duck and mushroom risotto (just kidding, they'd have to be able to make a good coffee too).

Posted by: spanky668 at June 1, 2008 9:09 PM

Yeah, yeah, you're right Marcus, I haven't! Well not without help, until recently.
And you blokes by design make your minute little tadpoles.
But as you say we have no control over those aspects of our hormones.
However, we do have control over how we BEHAVE, Marcus!
Unless of course, we have some kind of untreatable mental health problem or intellectual disability.

Posted by: amberlight58 at June 1, 2008 9:08 PM

On FINAL comment on this topic from me - that seems uncannily apt !
From the great lady of Soul- Roberta Flack
COMPARED TO WHAT?

1. Love the lie and lie the love
Hangin' on, with a push and shove
Possession is the motivation
that is hangin' up the God-damn nation
Looks like we always end up in a rut (everybody now!)
Tryin' to make it real � compared to what?

2. Slaughterhouse is killin' hogs
Twisted children killin' frogs
Poor dumb rednecks rollin' logs
Tired old ladies kissin' dogs
Hate the human, love that stinking mutt (I can't stand it!)
Try to make it real � compared to what?

3. The President, he's got his war
Folks don't know just what it's for
Nobody gives us rhyme or reason
Have one doubt, they call it treason
We're chicken-feathers, all without one gut (God damn it!)
Tryin' to make it real � compared to what? (Sock it to me, now)

4. Church on Sunday, sleep and nod
Tryin' to duck the wrath of God
Preacher's fillin' us with fright
Tryin' to tell us what he thinks is right
He really got to be some kind of nut (I can't use it!)
Tryin' to make it real � compared to what?

5. Where's that bee and where's that honey?
Where's my God and where's my money
Unreal values, crass distortion
Unwed mothers need abortion
Kind of brings to mind ol' young King Tut (He did it now)
Tried to make it real � compared to what?!

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at June 1, 2008 9:05 PM

Posted by: laughsandtalks at June 1, 2008 8:06 PM
Thank you Marcus :-). I appreciate your comments ( er apology? yeh right Jac, pull the other one, lol) and am relieved that you now can finally see I am bona fide (as silly as you may think I am). And I am being honest when I say that I do enjoy your blogs - except what you have just recently said prior to this blog - hmmmm... as well as constant references to genitalia etc. But hey, you are also entitled to your opinions and debate.

Go Crows....... :-)

Ciao all for now, (MWA! to you Marcus... hehehe, only joshing mate :-)!!).

Jacqui (Missy P - hey, that's sounds more "with it" - hmmm... whatever Jac.)

Posted by: misspriss01 at June 1, 2008 8:44 PM

amberlite at June 1, 2008 2:53 PM

Hey Amber, I've never made any claims about prowess or success rate on RSVP. I've made plenty of comments on sex (as you have on your lack of it) but unless I attribute them to myself they are allegorical. As I say periodically my interest is explaining and interpreting behaviour from an evolutionary, physiological point of view. That doesn't mean I am a rational fool oblivious to commitment and altruism as you tend to paint me. I just choose not to mention some more obvious aspects of behaviour.
Anyway as for your statement about how we can CHOOSE to behave and overide our hormones, when was the last time you chose succesfully not to ovulate and then menstruate?
Haha. Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at June 1, 2008 8:37 PM

firelightlady, are you psychic or just very "intuitive" - what great imagery. I wonder if you're right... mmm.... :)

Posted by: malsie at June 1, 2008 8:13 PM

Posted by: virgil at June 1, 2008 5:22 PM
Pastor.
Your sleuthing and faith in human nature may have made up for the Weagles dismal weekend.
I must say I had my doubts and they were confirmed by the yellow dog tag forensic evidence presented by Jacqui yesterday. Even with a decent 5X blow up I could see no evidence of photoshopping.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at June 1, 2008 8:06 PM

Posted by firelitelady at June 1, 2008 4:26

"-Marcus-please play a new tune - Rape by seduction? Why do you continually return to this theme.."

Not my tune at all babe. The 'romance is rape by seduction' quip is one I learnt from women -well at least they were feminists.
It is Womyns Studies dogma to vilify men by portraying them as perpetraitors and to reinforce the idea that female inadequates are somehow victims of rape in a consensual romance.

They are not. Like almost all other species human females choose or reject male suitors. Some of the worthies here, lonelyheart, groundhog, wishful, even the sage hasdoneit are confirming that behaviour and swapping notes on the process of inviting (suitable) men to have sex with them.
And btw, what was it you did 280k's in? A fire truck or your imagination?

Posted by: laughsandtalks at June 1, 2008 7:57 PM

Posted by: junebaby57 at June 1, 2008 6:40 PM
"Marcus, if a guys drops a girl after sleeping with her once...after he supposedly told her he was genuine, caring, honest, he wanted a relationship...he is lying and a shit!!! "

JB. Maybe he is a shit to you but why should he act in your
interests at the expense of his own? He has a job to do and is driven by a lot of important, basic imperatives
so needs to answer the post coital question quickly. That is fair enough; just not what you think you want. The other alternative might be that through intimidation, force of personality, or misplaced sense of obligation this bloke ends up in a sham relationship which makes him deeply unhappy and you feeling emotionally unsatisfied. Would you sham so he could have sex when he wanted it?
My tactic is to be non commital and honest by saying "lets see how things go, you can't force nature".
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at June 1, 2008 7:53 PM

Hi jaspercat, As many people have already said to you in this blog, please don't be so hard on yourself.
You are fabulous and 40 :-), you look years younger than your photo and I am sure your "Mr Right, just for me" is on the not too distant horizon. Be happy, stay positive and remember all the good things in your life (as you've stated, your children and good friends etc) and know that you have many genuine people here who are wishing only the best for you. Also, don't take the "ribbing" on these blogs to heart - it's hard not too (just read what has been said about me lol!) but as I have been advised, just continue to be who you are and if you want to blog and comment on the topic - go for it! :-).

Ciao for now,

Miss P, Jacqui!

Posted by: misspriss01 at June 1, 2008 7:53 PM

Posted by: browneyzes at June 1, 2008 5:55 PM
Hello browneyzes, if you send an RSVP email to Virgil he will be able to give you the details of the Adelaide blog meet - we can't actually give dates or times on the blog due to RSVP rules and regs. Would be lovely to see you there :-).
Awwww shucks Virg, that was such a lovely thing to say :-). Thank you, yes, I enjoyed the cuppa and catch up today too and look forward to meeting and hopefully making some more genuine friends at the Adelaide blog meet. Ladies, if you are reading this blog,Virgil is such a lovely gentleman and deserves to find the same in a female partner. Please send him lots of "kisses" and emails (Virg and I are blog friends).:-)
We had such a lovely sunny day today in Adelaide - but god do we need some rain soon.
Kindest regards to you all.

Jacqui (Miss P) x

Posted by: misspriss01 at June 1, 2008 7:44 PM

Jaspercat and Spanky668 (love the handle!) I agree that blogging is a good way to meet all kinds of people, one caveat - be yourself on the blogs, don't be one person on here in anonymity and another out in the real world because that is where some fall down.

Offline meetings have led to disappointment as people are not themselves e.g. Marcus is possibly really a 23 yr old, 130kg hard drinking, meat eating female sociology Uni student who is contemplating gender reversal treatment, since a disastrous affair left her rearing a parrot after sex one night; real name Marcia Chahattabox... lol

(it's a joke Mr/Ms Blog Moderator not a real name!)

Posted by: firelightlady at June 1, 2008 7:44 PM

spanky668, another good way to get those positive qualities noticed are to do just what you're doing - contributing on the blogs. Heaps of people read them that don't contribute (if you post regularly you'll most likely start to see people checking your profile out from all over the country).

Posted by: malsie at June 1, 2008 7:27 PM

jaspercat, RSVP can be a real roller coaster, re the emotions, and sometimes you will meet someone very likable and other times you will wonder why you are here, and is it worth it.

Key is to think that is is just one way, out of many ways, to meet people.

Now, my male friends tell me that men are very visual creatures and some...maybe even many...don't go past a profile photo...some men don't even read the profile!!!! I have had more than one man tell me this. It doesn't mean that all men are shallow...only some!!!
I had a 38 year old email me last week, when I asked him about his age and why was he wanting to meet me as I am older he told me he was taken with my photo's and hadn't read my age!!!!

So your profile sells you here, next time you are out with your girlfriends get them to take some fun shots for your profile, shots where you are having fun and not actually thinking about having your photo taken....that is what I have done, used photo's friends have taken at outings in the last 6 months. It seems to work...just my thoughts...have a lovely evening...jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at June 1, 2008 6:54 PM

I actually like a guy to be bald and do not mind the well trimmed goatee either....
Tattoos are not an issue for me, (even have a little one myself), the person is what matters..............................K

Posted by: auntykaz at June 1, 2008 6:45 PM

gemsnbling your post at at June 1, 2008 11:34 AM...re the players etc...after 16 months of imtense dating...all for research purposes of course...lol....I have to agree. And the sex does get better with a person if you have a bond, care about each other and you want to be with each other...the first time can always be a bit awkward....but practise makes it fun!!!

Marcus, if a guys drops a girl after sleeping with her once...after he supposedly told her he was genuine, caring, honest, he wanted a relationship...he is lying and a shit!!!
A genuine caring guy will not do that. problem is, finding that genuine caring guy....sooo back to kissing toads...have a lovely evening all jewels.

Posted by: junebaby57 at June 1, 2008 6:40 PM

Posted by: gemsnbling at June 1, 2008 11:43 AM
Well done!

If a woman "dicked around" she'd be branded a slut -dumped, shunned and laughed about with the mates over a beer or six.

Posted by: waterlily58 at June 1, 2008 6:30 PM

jaspercat at June 1, 2008 3:24 PM

Following your last comment. Perhaps you need to go looking for him. Do you send many emails and kisses?
cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at June 1, 2008 6:22 PM

Hi ElogantEloquent, Sorry, didn't mean to infer that you didn't, more a general comment.

As for Jaspercats comments, I understand your feelings on it. I have had a few knock backs from seemingly compatable people, and find it is often when my photo is involved that it happens, which is a bit deflating (but won't stop me trying). Partly because I am not a big fan of photos, and therefore do not have a wide range to choose from (also because I am not particularly photogenic,..granted). But it does make you wonder how much comes down to an arbitary decision, a quick glance or a persons mood at that time.

I also find it difficult to portray what I consider to be my better qualities (quick wit, good nature, reasonably intelligent and engaging in one to one conversation) in a rehearsed monologue to an unknown audience. Though I either have to find a way, or as suggested in another post, keep on smiling on the street. anyway, enough from me, to all a good night.

Posted by: spanky668 at June 1, 2008 5:56 PM

Over the past couple of days I have read some blogs. I am new at this and have never read any before but I see mentioned several times about an Adelaide Bloggers meeting. Can anyone tell me where or when will that be and can anyone come who is on RSVP or is it by invitation only?

Posted by: browneyzes at June 1, 2008 5:55 PM

I don't like facial hair, it just doesn't look right to me for some reason or other. I don't like hair under armpits, navals or legs on women either. I just think it all comes under the heading of grooming and we are all such high maintenance things nowadays. It's so good we are not cars, nobody would ever buy us with all the servicing we need.

Posted by: iaminperth at June 1, 2008 5:54 PM

Jasper, I think you have lovely eyes, skin, hair etc., but I hate the photo it's so in your face it's almost threatening. Put a different photo up there, something showing you have a body as well, maybe outside somewhere with the wind blowing a little, that type of thing. You are attractive and have very nice features but they are being distorted at the moment by a bad photograph. That is only my opinion and it is meant with the best of intentions and is definitely not a critiism of you at all, it's just a bad photo,.

Posted by: iaminperth at June 1, 2008 5:43 PM

Hi Amber, Maybe Marcus is a Muslim, they tend to blame the women for men not being able to control themselves. Just joking, I think Marcus just likes to stir the pot at times when things get boring and he is certainly good at that, very interesting too at times I must say. Funny though, I have heard women and girls talking about going out when their boyfriends/partners are away and I have asked how would they like it if their guys did that. The universal answer is always, No he can't do that but I can because I won't do anything. So does that infer that what is good for the goose, is not good for the gander. The assumption being that men play up all the time and women don't - I think not.

Posted by: iaminperth at June 1, 2008 5:38 PM

Posted by: woodnwine at June 1, 2008 4:52 PM
So true woody about the facial hair. It can be such a hazard when a man smooches and it leaves a real nasty rash and that rash can turn into sores. Can't see why some of these men can't take it off, even when they are asked to for those reasons.
Don't see how tatts can be a hazard though.
I think if women won't date a man because of his tatts, then she is stereotyping them based on body image or stereo image.
They could be missing out on their best friend when they have to except they can't live up to their own image one day, perhaps due to ageing etc?

Posted by: gemsnbling at June 1, 2008 5:31 PM

There is more than rsvp as well. I am off to the city to sit in a cocktail bar with a friend and have some social interactions. Rsvp provides the extra chance/ main line for connecting with guys, and other avenues are useful as well. Don't get down jaspercat, not with those big beutiful brown eyes. Any guy that gets to look in those and feel wanted would feel like a king. Keep on going, there is s.. in the city enough for all of us, and then some!!! And love feels so good that it is worth searching and waiting for...

Posted by: eleganteloquent at June 1, 2008 5:25 PM

Miss Priss -- Jacqui

Usually I would not choose to talk publicly about coffee meetings, but due to some questions about you being genuine, I am very pleased to say the 2 hours we spent together this aftenoon was the best coffee meeting I have been part of since I have been involved with RSVP.

It is often my experience that photo's on profiles are so much better than the real life experience, In your case you are much better than your photo's.

The 2 hours we spent together was an absolute delight.

This will cease any further attempts to say you are not a real person, I always knew you were real.

When you meet the others at the Adelaide blog meet, I am sure your beautiful personality will delight all the other bloggers in attendance as much as you did me today.

Doug

Posted by: virgil at June 1, 2008 5:22 PM

p.s. woodnwine is right you have to rotate your picture..and fresh up your profile every so often to get people to notice you! thats just the way it is

Posted by: cutesmile52 at June 1, 2008 5:14 PM

rsvp is a rollercoaster of emotions...i feel the same sometimes, but im cheered up with the occasional kiss and an email! now that is really something! when i do get one! what i dont understand is when someone sends you a kiss and you reply in the positive and then they are too mean to buy a stamp to write you back!! amongst other things on here

Posted by: cutesmile52 at June 1, 2008 5:01 PM

Hey jaspercat - don't be so hard on yourself. Put up some new photos and maybe re-write your profile every so often to keep it fresh. Some of us have met you and know how nice a person you are.

Posted by: woodnwine at June 1, 2008 4:59 PM

Hi Jaspercat,
Because guys are yet the right one for you does not mean you are unattractive, just right in waiting. Good on you for keeping your standards high. After all, when you are in one long-term relationship, you are out from all others, so settling for a guy is a big ask.
You are not, not, not unattractive, you are precious and you fully realise this. Just listen to that message inside you please, beautiful lady.
We are such gorgeous women on rsvp - all hot!!!

Posted by: eleganteloquent at June 1, 2008 4:58 PM

I have been thining about this topic question...I would like to see on a profile headline, as well as the age, location and height as is shown now, a way of knowing if the person is searching for a non-smoker and/or someone who wants children. It would save me reading a lot of profiles only to find out I am not compatible in 2 very basic ways. Perhaps a note that says NS, WC....
Cheers,
B.

Posted by: bm1960 at June 1, 2008 4:57 PM

Dear woody - very recently (over the last eight months) the increase in the children mentioned is significant, they are often starved by their mothers wishing to avoid the much publicised obesity epidemic.

Thanks to shows like Fat Brother we are also seeing children with stress fractures due to over exercising whilst under supervised in multiple extra-curricular activities, school and club sports, often with additional coaching.
Not of course in all strata of society... Obesity has also become an income issue.

Posted by: firelightlady at June 1, 2008 4:55 PM

"Tattoos are only skin deep, and because so many people have them these days, you could be eliminating 50% of potential partners based on one shallow thing?
Posted by: gemsnbling at June 1, 2008 2:23 PM"

Yet so many women refuse to date a man with facial hair .... which takes only minutes to remove ... for the right woman.

Posted by: woodnwine at June 1, 2008 4:52 PM

"By the way. Sex gets better with someone the more you practice the act with them over a longer period of time. The first encounter is not always the most comfortable. So if sex is decided by you on the first few encounters then you probably have missed out on the best sex, yet to come. Haha! Posted by: gemsnbling at June 1, 2008 11:34 AM"

Very true .... up to a point.

Posted by: woodnwine at June 1, 2008 4:49 PM

jaspercat,
you are not unattractive, but to be honest the first time I seen your profile photo it jarred with me, still does, it does not do you justice, please change it and add more, natural ones, the rest of the profile is ok, look what firefightlady did when she changed hers.
Sincerely OG.

Posted by: oldergent at June 1, 2008 4:30 PM

Dear amberlight don't let Marcus and his femme bashing hormonally driven whining get to you or you will start him on DNA testing, the evilness that is women and other regurgitated issues - I believe he has a small but well filled bookshelf, don't think there would be too many female authors on there...

I believe Myarmsaroundyou has made far more accurate comments indicative of both his age group and an emotional maturity that the hormonely 'driven' and shallow as a teaspoon don't even aspire to. His comments resonate far more with the experiences I have had with men since divorcing than the neolithic attitudes that Marcus continues to peddle ad infinitem on these blogs.

Marcus - please play a new tune - Rape by seduction? Why do you continually return to this theme... Issues much?

Posted by: firelightlady at June 1, 2008 4:26 PM

Thanks spanky668. I think I need lots of luck. I do go beyond the profile though, particularly when replying to kisses. I am not narrow-minded..just searching like the rest of us

Posted by: eleganteloquent at June 1, 2008 4:22 PM

Thank you so much to amberlight, bm1960 and gemsnbling. It is nice to know there are supportive people out there. It is so hard to remain positive though. Yes I have a lot of girlfriends and go out with them when i dont have my children so I have a great social life in that repect but it is not the same when they go home to their husbands and I go home alone!! Anyway I am not feeling sorry for myself but as i have said before i am very dissillusioned with this whole process. It makes you feel like a piece of .....

Posted by: jaspercat at June 1, 2008 4:19 PM

"Koolkurl1950 - extremely attractive but may have future serious health problems??
So the vows of for better or for worse, in sickness and health - would be more like - Only if she stays size 10'ish, never gets permanently injured or has a family history of heart disease (1:2.5) cancer (1:5) Mental illness (1:4) or indulges in pastimes likely to cause severe injury like say crossing the road, or driving a car - what a lucky escape for the ex hostie! She might have been hoping for unconditional love and acceptance.
Posted by: firelightlady at May 31, 2008 8:42 AM"

Are you serious?

Posted by: woodnwine at June 1, 2008 4:19 PM

Hey Jaspercat,
Don't be so down on yourself!
I know we all have those really "crappy" days, and it sounds like you are having one of them!
You sound like a vibrant and interesting person. Yes 3 years on RSVP is a long time, but don't despair.
You don't have your children all the time? Can you make sure that you are going somewhere when you don't have them?
What about friends? Do they know you are looking or do they think you are happy just being on your own?
What about teaching music, you are a musician? Just on a casual non-professional basis?
At a community/neighbourhood house or something?
You never know who you might meet. Or who may have a single brother, or uncle.
Just some suggestions.

Don't let RSVP get you down.
Blogs like this one are terrible for people's self-esteem, especially when you read some of the awful comments people make to each other!
But I have met some really nice people from the blogs too!
There are those on here who are really nice people who are looking for genuine relationships. Your guy may have not stumbled on your profile yet! (there are a quite a few of us in the same boat, so don't feel singled out!)

I wouldn't rely on RSVP too much. Not for everything.
One regular blogger here says she has more success in the day-to-day world like Bunnings!
Just smile at everyone you meet and be bright and happy as much as possible.
Acting positive, makes you feel positive and positive people attract other positive people.
Keep us filled in on your progress, we can be supportive of each other on these blogs too!

Posted by: amberlight58 at June 1, 2008 4:01 PM

"I was listening to a Radio National interview about eating disorders earlier this week where children as young as 11 years old, are being admitted to hospital literally starving to death, because they are scared of getting fat.
This is happening all over the western world.
Posted by: amberlight58 at May 30, 2008 10:16 PM"

I think you'll find that, although this is no doubt true, more children in the western world are suffering from obesity, premature diabetes, bone problems and lack of fitness/motivation.

Posted by: woodnwine at June 1, 2008 4:01 PM

I know exactly how you feel, jaspercat. It is very difficult to remain optimistic whilst becoming more and more jaded....
One day, eh?
Cheers,
B.

Posted by: bm1960 at June 1, 2008 3:59 PM

Posted by: jaspercat at June 1, 2008 3:24 PM

Hey Jaspercat, your not ugly!
Could I suggest that you put a few more photos of yourself on your profile, that will help give the viewers a better idea of your character. Especially if the photos are of different settings or a different poses.
Your profile says your 40 years of age but you do look a lot younger, so maybe a few more photos maybe more convincing.
Dont worry, there have been a lot of other people on here that have been here a lot longer, it really depends on what you are looking for, and what kind of guys you have been encouraging to contact you.
Keep it up, put out a positive attitude, it attracts the same.

Posted by: gemsnbling at June 1, 2008 3:54 PM

HEY THERE E.R.A.L my comment was funny not convicting.............

Posted by: twoeyes at June 1, 2008 3:48 PM

You tell me. I am very disillusioned by this whole thing. I have never ever felt more depressed or worthless since joining RSVP. I dont know if I am attracting the wrong people or what but I have been on here three years and NOTHING. Whereas I know so many other people that have found happiness??? I have even played at their weddings!!! Ah well maybe I should just accept the fact that I am unattractive and worthless and get on with life - because that is how it feels to be a member. I only keep my profile on the absolute stupid hope that Mr Right will find me.......well I just saw a pig fly past.

Posted by: jaspercat at June 1, 2008 3:24 PM

iaminperth at June 1, 2008 11:20 AM
Perth,
I tend to agree with you. I don't think men have it very easy these days.
There are a lot of women out there who judge a bloke's worth on his "performance" (and his socio-economic status, which is another topic!), which is completely unfair as gemsbling pointed out in her post.
There are a lot of reasons why sex may not be all that fantastic the first or even second time with someone new; nerves being a major one!

However, it does get up my nose when Marcus goes on and on about some women's need for more than just sex (obviously this doesn't apply to all women; some women like the excitement of regular new sexual conquests and good on them if they do; it's their choice as long as they don't hurt other people in the process) is due to oxytocin and a "cocktail of other hormones and brain love substances" which makes us somehow irrational and not in control of our feelings!
He justifies his and some other men's rather callous attitude towards sex as being okay, because they can't help it as they are at the mercy of their testosterone!
What a load of crap!
Does that mean a woman who chooses to have sex with lots of new blokes regularly has the same testosterone level as Marcus?
Or that a bloke who chooses to get to know a woman and have some emotional investment before he has sex has the hormone and "oxytocin" levels of a woman?

The thing that is supposed to make us humans somehow "superior" to animals is that, we as humans with an advanced brain, can overcome our "hormones" (unless we have some chemical imbalance within our brain e.g. clinical depression which requires drugs to treat it) and can CHOOSE how we behave. (Which is why some women with severe Pre Menstrual Syndrome don't massacre their friends and family on a really bad day, which may be a tad irrational!)
People can choose to think with their brain (and emotions) or choose to let their sexual organs do their "thinking" for them.
Instead of somehow being inferior, I think that is just making use of the evolutionary advances that we have gained along the way.

Older women in their 30s, 40s & 50s are often (obviously not always I don't want to be guilty of "generalising" here!) very compassionate and caring in a relationship.
Which is why some younger men are often attracted to us (even if only in the short-term) as we don't necessarily view a bloke's failure to perform well in bed as an estimation of his worth. (Although he needs to be at least willing to learn!)
Maybe it's because we have raised our children through the pain, trials and tribulations of adolescence, and through our life experience we have learned that nearly everyone has something unique and wonderful about them.

If we are looking for more than sex, if we want someone who cares for us and respects us as we would do for them, I don't think that those feelings "preclude rationality" at all, as Marcus put it.

One day Marcus, when you are older and your "success" rate on RSVP diminishes, (and maybe your sexual prowess as well) you may find that a woman with feelings and values that "preclude rationality" may just be the kind of woman you are looking for!

Posted by: amberlight58 at June 1, 2008 2:53 PM

Previewing your Comment
ElogantEloquent 1 jun 08, My thoughts, just to juxtapose your own, are that in my ideal partner profile I have put a general Ideal, though that is not to say it is set in concrete. If someone is, say 1 inch taller or shorter than my ideal profile, I will not discount them as a potentially compatible...it depends on a combination of characteristics and a general sense of who they are. I guess after reading a profile I look at whether what matches to my "ideal" is more important to what differs...anyhow, it is just a thought... good luck in your journey

Posted by: spanky668 at June 1, 2008 2:24 PM

"never judge a person by their personal preference" as they have a right to it.
Posted by: mgtow at June 1, 2008 9:40 AM

Hence therefore, never judge a book by it's cover, opposed to the above.

On the other end of the scale; if you don't find wrinkles appealing, then what are you going to do when your partner in crime develops them mgtow?
Either way, they are going to be there for life. What about loving the person for who they are, and not for how they look. You yourself one day are going to have to give up that body of yours, and be comfortable with how it will be in older age.
So wouldnt it be better to meet someone that likes you for who you are, and not for how you look?
Tattoos are only skin deep, and because so many people have them these days, you could be eliminating 50% of potential partners based on one shallow thing?

Posted by: gemsnbling at June 1, 2008 2:23 PM

Gemsnibling, a cracker of a post if l do say so myself.....

Good to see that you are back and have not been put off.................K

Posted by: auntykaz at June 1, 2008 1:32 PM

On the subject of honesty in profiles I have just had to pick myself up off the floor after receiving an email from a woman I started chatting to a few days ago. On her profile she claims to be looking only for a genuine friendship.

A few alarm bells were raised for me early on when she said she was from the Phillippines (sad to say, but I tend to think of Phillippino women on dating websites as mail order brides and seekers of Australian passports and sugar daddies) and had moved to Australia 18 years ago. My concerns were allayed by the nature of the subsequent conversations then suddenly in response to a question about her weekend she says that she decided to have a sex party tonight and had called over a 100 people.

I mean is a woman who is looking for a genuine friendship really going to let on that sex parties are her thing - surely she would realise that most guys would either put her in the potential sex partner category, or the time to look elsewhere category. My impression is that she probably runs a swingers club and is on here trying to drum up suckers (oops I mean members).

Posted by: eurotravel at June 1, 2008 12:14 PM

Allow me to clarify;
"Hence our judgment is more a conscious decision to avoid these types of people,...

I meant behaviors.

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at June 1, 2008 12:02 PM

Ahhh Marcus, there you go again.
All women are undoubtedly dangerous too l take it???...................K

Posted by: auntykaz at June 1, 2008 12:02 PM

Marcus; And why do the players want to sample all the other women while they can just dick one girl? It's because they run on their ego. The conquest!
Greedy little buggers.
Best to avoid, nothing but a bad experience, and not worth giving it up to what most of them are called is cheap skates because they should visit a sex parlor and pay for it, instead of cheapening a girl by de-value-ing the act.

Posted by: gemsnbling at June 1, 2008 11:43 AM

Posted by: laughsandtalks at June 1, 2008 5:55 AM

Marcus its called protecting what us girls value more than you obviously value.
Your attitude is exactly the kind that most of us girls are trying to avoid.
That kind of attitude should go to a prostitute parlor and pay for it.
Problem with the players; it's not that people like me have a problem with how I perform in the bedroom. The players want to keep coming back, but it's the boundaries they change after the act.
It's got nothing to do with sexual compatability, there has never been a problem for me. It's there attitude of how they want to get it for free, and have their own freedom to sample every other girl at the same time.
That's a player!
I'd rather protect myself from such greedy attitudes and from the unwelcome STD.
Sooooo if a guy is genuinely seeking a partner then he will stick around to get to know each other, even if they're not getting the sex.
However, a player will give up quickly because they're getting sex everywhere else.
By the way. Sex gets better with someone the more you practice the act with them over a longer period of time. The first encounter is not always the most comfortable. So if sex is decided by you on the first few encounters then you probably have missed out on the best sex, yet to come. Haha!

Posted by: gemsnbling at June 1, 2008 11:34 AM

ER&L, maybe because Tarzan was actually a fictional character, and most women surely do not believe in the concept of Tarzan anyway....................K

Posted by: auntykaz at May 31, 2008 9:06 PM

Kaz, showing my age a bit here, but when I was young, living in Broken Hill, we had no TV, only radio, but then it was called a wireless.

at about 5.30, the serials would come on.

There was Hop Harrigan, he was a pilot i the war i think, this was followed by Tarzan and then Superman came on.

I would hate for you to tell me Superman is not real, as he is such a part of our culture, with everyone knowing about him, many TV shows describing his youth in Smallville, his love for Lana Lang, his friendship, then emnity with Lex Luthor.

Compare and contrast this legend with some factual people that have quietly slipped into a realm where we are not certain if they were real, or not, maybe Davy Crockett? King Arthur?

Posted by: virgil at June 1, 2008 11:33 AM

Posted by: twoeyes at June 1, 2008 1:53 AM
my answer is to say that in six months i will be better looking.but you will still have the same bad attitude.

;D
Thank you for helping me make my point ! (cmon, my comment was tongue in cheek - sheesh )
As i was saying earlier, attraction is largely subconscious/unconscious genetic selection.
"Height-ism" (? haha) is different to avoiding overweight partners, although both are related to bodyshape.
Most see being obese as a matter of poor self discipline, as is the like with smoking. Hence our judgment is more a conscious decision to avoid these types of people, but most are prepared to be flexible. Pregnancy, diet, past history together etc, all get factored to whether we find it appealing to start or remain in a relationship with them.

Height is however very different, as its a genetic trait, and hence will be passed on hereditarily to any progeny. We avert mating with a person who is 'too short' (or 'too tall' for that matter), because we unconsciously envision our offspring as being the same.
Mating has some traits of a type of art - martial in some respects, genteel in others.
For the students of human behavior, i recommend a poorly titled, but enlightening book called "sperm wars" by Robin Baker

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at June 1, 2008 11:32 AM

"Look for the person within" - Edward Scissorhands.

Posted by: iaminperth at June 1, 2008 11:24 AM

I think what Marcus says is very true at times. Again I think perception and reality is mixed up and the expectations of women far too high at times and it becomes a one way street with the male expecting to 'perform' for want of a better word. When this is not up to expectation the male is criticized and it's all their fault. However, in the real world it really does take two to tango and if one persons needs are not met then this problem does need to be addressed in a positive and sensible way. After all if you are at that stage of a relationship surely you should be able to talk about anything. I think there is far too much pressure on everyone today to look, feel, perform to some sort of standard, which is such a shame. People need to learn how to communicate again effectively and not worry so much, I think it would be a happier world.

Posted by: iaminperth at June 1, 2008 11:20 AM

Am I the only guy that finds that sex is actually something that binds them to the other person.

I have found that I cannot do the one night stand. I have to genuinely care about the other person and I find that one night stand tends to have more meaning for the lady at our age and I could not hurt someone like that. We all have baggage and a bandaid is not going to cover the hurt.

Friends with benefits, I care about the other person and want them with me. Why would I want shallow gratification. I cannot disconnect the two.

We all have relationships that start out well and then go down the toilet. Accept that we are all human and sometimes things just don't work out.

How many other guys have the same attitude. I figure a few, I feel that men are branded with a single brush sometimes.

Posted by: myarmsaroundyou at June 1, 2008 9:58 AM

decoratress at May 31, 2008 8:21 PM
Thank you.

laughsandtalks at June 1, 2008 5:55 AM
Marcus,
You are a bit obsessive about our oxytocin levels aren't you?
And pleeeease, "rape by seduction"? (it's always our fault, if you blokes just can't control your urges. Oh and of course, your testosterone levels! How could I forget?)
Despite your having a "lend of yourself " (I could put it more crudely) occasionally, you are actually quite likeable, AT TIMES!
Why I think that I have no idea!

Oh and I was thinking the other night about the BMI thing, that you may be a bit hard on yourself.
Shouldn't you blokes allow for the weight of those huge "male bits" you are always telling us about?!

Posted by: amberlight58 at June 1, 2008 9:45 AM

EastofCBD

mgtow at May 30, 2008 10:39 PM, I love my tatts... subtle, quite beautiful, You would never know I had them unless I invited you to have a look...which I wouldn't. Never judge a person by their body art..

Posted by: eastofcbd at May 31, 2008 10:07 PM

You berate and attempt to belittle me using typical female shaming language ie " unless I invited you too look which i wouldn't" based purely on the fact that I have a preference and you personally would not meet that preference

Tell me because I do not like tattoos how is this different from yourself in stating in your profile you do not like smokers ?

I respect your right to preference and make no comment on it - you do not like smokers and would not be involved with one, this is your choice.

Are you not judging someone though for being a smoker ?

You can have your tattoos it is your body and your choice - just as it is my choice to choose to not like tattoos and not want to get involved with someone that has them.

Tattoos to me are a physical turn off -

am I not a better man for wanting to ensure from the beginning that there is no chance of wasting a womans time because if eventually I see her naked the sight of tattoos will immediately be cause for me to end any relationship that started

I can only end in saying

"never judge a person by their personal preference" as they have a right to it.

Posted by: mgtow at June 1, 2008 9:40 AM

Thanks for the feedback re my screen technique. Hope its useful (for both sexes).

Great to hear from many what Ive been thinking for a long time -'short term AND long term? Only the originators can explain that one.
The Blocking thing would be interesting to know what happens. I just yesterday blocked a member who has now 'kissed' me 3 times over a period of months (yesterday being the most recent). I always refuse the kiss and he does it again. Creepy. What happens Karina?

Cheers

Posted by: groundhogday2 at June 1, 2008 9:22 AM

Hi everyone, love reading your comments ont his blog because you are all so open and honest. Personally, what gets me is that guys say they want some things then kiss me and I am not the age, or the education level, or even have the same aspirations regarding children, but they still contact me. Why? Do guys just put down anything in their ideal partner profile? I write mine very carefully and very specifically. I need to be with someone who can stimulate me both mentally and physically so try to indicate this both in my ideal partner write up and in my general profile. Surely these sections are about marketing ourselves to try and get what we want? Also, photos.... oh boy is this a bane of my life....I put honest and recent photos up, and change them regularly. Soooo many guys have the same photos up for ages, and others are nothing like their photos when I meet them. The visual physical matters to women as well you know! I ask myself if I would enjoy the act of kissing and holding the guy I am looking at and if I think I would I will go to the next step in contacts, but if they then look soooo different, my heart sinks and it is all over (and I have bothered to get myself looking good for the occassion). Rsvp is only a precursor to dating so needs to be honest, and the physical and mental stimulation is vital for me so I want truth on what a guy is really offering, that he can attract me as I hope he will look at me and ask the same questions, do I find this woman attractive? Am I being naive?????

Posted by: eleganteloquent at June 1, 2008 9:17 AM

mgtow May 31, 2008 5:23 PM
Wishfulstinker seldom wins points here and in the past has been shown as very suspicious ethically, and markedly misandrist.
In an earlier contribution you may have seen, she suggested that it was quite acceptable for a woman to commit maternity fraud, ie allow and carry a pregnancy against an agreement and the explicit wishes of a man because, I quote; "that is just the way some women are"
Doing that is the physical and emotional female counterpart of a man raping a woman.
Of course, without irony, this ethical paragon, who claims to be doing a Doctoral thesis (in something undisclosed) lines up with a group of women here who like to think that male sexual expression is aberrant unless it follows closely a particular female prescription. From this follows a couple of my thoughts on the perjoratitve word 'player'.
You are possibly one of very many men, myself included, whose partner choosing process includes making a decision based on sexual compatability. If you consumate a relationship and then decide that, "no, she is not for me", you risk being branded as odious fecal scum.
The fact is that women are strongly under the influence of oxytocin and a cocktail of other hormones and brain love substances by this stage. This seems to preclude rationality and obscures the fact that this sex was consensual, and so, by definition, INITIATED by the woman. (Mad femmo's and lonelyhearts take on this: romance = rape by seduction)
Calling men players for engaging in what is part of the reasonable partner selection process is about as sensible as saying women like Groundhog, who double, triple, quadruple date are 'emotional sluts' ;-]
Unfortunately sometimes, for good, time honored, evolutionary reasons there is often a marked conflict between male and female mating priorities.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at June 1, 2008 5:55 AM

Well said iaminperth!! I totally agree. I once went on two dates with a man I had found physically attractive for ages. After getting to know a bit more about him, he had some very UNattractive outlooks (to me anyway). I didn't find him at all attractive after that. The whole attraction thing is much more than the outer wrapping.

PS, does anyone know what happens when you "block" someone. What happens if they try to view your profile, what message do they get? (I've had a very scary looking character repeatedly looking at my profile lately).

Cheers, Helen

Posted by: symbiosis66 at May 31, 2008 8:39 PM

a, hope it wasnt me looking
i would rather have some i was physically attracted to then grow to be in love with and not care what they looked like . Cos then i would care about the wrinkly bits.....

So, what happens if you really like a skinny person and they get chubby or a chubby person and they get skinny. Does that mean that you dump them. I don't think a lot of people are bothering to move out of the first phase of a relationship and looking for the oomph factor in their eyes. What about getting to know the person, bonding with that person, trusting and loving that person, for better or worse. Would people rather have a good looking nasty person. I believe that anybody becomes attractive if you just love them for who they are, but of course, that takes time and patience getting to know the person first.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 31, 2008 8:01 PM

Shouldnt ever change how you feel if you really love them

the Shawshank Redemption' but have no idea why the movie is so popular (unless it really is a hidden code...)...
Cheers,
B.

Posted by: bm1960 at May 31, 2008 7:38 PM

no code just the most popular movie ever , watched by all desperate's.......

"Handbag" - a single date for dinner, or a party.
"Maaate" - Go out to have fun on the odd weekends,often with other maaates. If of opposite sex, flirting,even touching is acceptable...
"Partner" - regular activities together, eg flatmate, travel buddy, business etc.. more commitment than a 'maaate'. Sex optional.
"F***Buddy" - regular sexual interludes without strings
"Lover" - regular sexual interludes with strings
"Sugar Daddy" - father figure
"Sugar Mamma" - mother figure
"Soul mate" - the "One"Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at May 31, 2008 6:23 PM

"love it"

Moving on - could we now start picking on the other traditionally disadvantaged - short PEOPLE ?

We can always loose weight, build and tone muscle - but how do people GROW?
:)

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at May 31, 2008 12:35 PM

my answer is to say that in six months i will be better looking.but you will still have the same bad attitude.

Posted by: twoeyes at June 1, 2008 1:53 AM

mgtow at May 30, 2008 10:39 PM, I love my tatts... subtle, quite beautiful, You would never know I had them unless I invited you to have a look...which I wouldn't. Never judge a person by their body art..

Posted by: eastofcbd at May 31, 2008 10:07 PM

OG.. Aw, you being mean Mr.. We all have our days where we can waffle don't we??.. And some days we're quicker than others!!!
I'm obviously having a sloww one.. Damn.. "G"

Posted by: amdoingit at May 31, 2008 9:38 PM

iaminperth at May 31, 2008 8:01 PM
You are so spot on!

There is so little of getting to know people going on!

There seems to be a belief among the 30 something woman at least that the "big Bang" will happen and you will instantly know on first meeting that this is the person you will be with for ever or not!

Very frustrating as someone who has substance and is genuine but does not look like adonis!

Posted by: creativestuart at May 31, 2008 9:34 PM

decoratress @ 8:23 PM

saywhatchyoutalkin'boutwillis??
I think you better put down that bong grrl, thats not oregano !
:D

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at May 31, 2008 9:11 PM

ER&L, maybe because Tarzan was actually a fictional character, and most women surely do not believe in the concept of Tarzan anyway....................K

Posted by: auntykaz at May 31, 2008 9:06 PM

mgtow @ 5.23 pm.
could not agree more with your first observation, finding out to my bitter regret the 3rd looks pretty correct in the main.

Amber, sorry but some things resonate and are hard not to agree with from the male side of things.

Perth how much of Tarzan is left when he swings down on his vine to save Jane and Jane leaps up to catch the vine and gets the shorter vine, even tarzan can not understand a womans thought process.lol

BM, the thing that saves you from a fate worse than death is age and distance. lol.

Perth @ 8.01 come and sit up at the front desk.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at May 31, 2008 9:01 PM

Virgil @ 9.58am...

I think you're barking up the wrong tree, virgil.

Justsaying it's far more likely to be a randomname... or even an amodnar... let alone all the others.

Posted by: decoratress at May 31, 2008 8:52 PM

Well said iaminperth!! I totally agree. I once went on two dates with a man I had found physically attractive for ages. After getting to know a bit more about him, he had some very UNattractive outlooks (to me anyway). I didn't find him at all attractive after that. The whole attraction thing is much more than the outer wrapping.

PS, does anyone know what happens when you "block" someone. What happens if they try to view your profile, what message do they get? (I've had a very scary looking character repeatedly looking at my profile lately).

Cheers, Helen

Posted by: symbiosis66 at May 31, 2008 8:39 PM

eats, roots & leaves...

No, I don't like that principle.

You say you have others? Flighty little bugger aren't you. If I didn't know better, I'd think you were quite funny...

Posted by: decoratress at May 31, 2008 8:23 PM

amberlight @ 6.37pm...

Another weasel.. don't fall for it!

Posted by: decoratress at May 31, 2008 8:21 PM

So, what happens if you really like a skinny person and they get chubby or a chubby person and they get skinny. Does that mean that you dump them. I don't think a lot of people are bothering to move out of the first phase of a relationship and looking for the oomph factor in their eyes. What about getting to know the person, bonding with that person, trusting and loving that person, for better or worse. Would people rather have a good looking nasty person. I believe that anybody becomes attractive if you just love them for who they are, but of course, that takes time and patience getting to know the person first.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 31, 2008 8:01 PM

aww, I believe you are Tarzan ER&L but I want to know who does the cleaning up after you have done all the other bit.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 31, 2008 7:57 PM

Blimey... I reckon I will always been single....My BMI indicates I carry a few too many kilos, I smoke (yuk...I know..), I like a drink, I like my own space, have questionable taste in music and am probably a bit too tall for some!!!! I love the book 'Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption' but have no idea why the movie is so popular (unless it really is a hidden code...)...
Cheers,
B.

Posted by: bm1960 at May 31, 2008 7:38 PM

Hey MG,
Lay off wishful!
Yesterday at 3:00pm you had a little "female bash" yourself!
It's wonderful that you have the time to work on your fab body and that you now look better than you did at age 25.
But before you criticise women, how many times have you been pregnant?
And how many hours a week does it take to keep your bod looking like that?

Have you ever thought that your "light-hearted" profile, might be just a little scary?
And that the females you do attract actually do have PMS or BPD and think it's quite amusing to "stand you up"?
Especially as your profile certainly doesn't exactly scream modesty or humility?

Posted by: amberlight58 at May 31, 2008 6:37 PM

My sliding scale for dating definitely has more than the two end points as possible outcomes. Long and short term, winners and losers etc ... doesn't cut it !

Some that come to mind -
"Handbag" - a single date for dinner, or a party.
"Maaate" - Go out to have fun on the odd weekends,often with other maaates. If of opposite sex, flirting,even touching is acceptable...
"Partner" - regular activities together, eg flatmate, travel buddy, business etc.. more commitment than a 'maaate'. Sex optional.
"F***Buddy" - regular sexual interludes without strings
"Lover" - regular sexual interludes with strings
"Sugar Daddy" - father figure
"Sugar Mamma" - mother figure
"Soul mate" - the "One"

ALL of then work for some, at some times, and not for others .

symbiosis66 @2:08 PM
Why doesn't anyone ever believe that i REALLY (??) am Tarzan ?
;)

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at May 31, 2008 6:23 PM

Posted by: mgtow at May 31, 2008 5:23 PM

I would say wishfullthinker is asking for a little more honesty in profiles. Nothing wrong with that.
Those who complain about the lack of honesty are the ones who show honesty.
It would be nice to know that it worked both ways.
Instead the honest ones tend to feel they are up against predators who abuse honesty.
Predators make honesty their prey.
It sort of can feel like rape to some.
It would be good if we could get a patrol going to beat off the dishonest lurkers, who are obviously full of deception. They are on this site for selfish reasons.
Don't waste peoples time!

Posted by: gemsnbling at May 31, 2008 6:03 PM

Hi Virgil,
I read on one of these blogs about another blogger's meet (which blog though, I can't remember!). Would love to catch up : just not sure about the end of June though.
But I may be able to re-organise some things to suit.
I will email you in next week or so to catch up on details.
I have a friend who has just joined (she doesn't blog though) would it be okay to bring her along as well?
Cheers

Posted by: amberlight58 at May 31, 2008 5:47 PM

wishfullthinker03 said in her harangue

Quote

"Some interesting comments....I just wish there was a magic button on here that cut out the losers, those men who are really married and are pretending otherwise, those who are 20kg heavier than their picture would lead you to believe (even WITH dodgy eyesight) and of course those who are simply players."

Your comments are very misandristic, labeling men losers whether they are or not would not win you brownie points with many men.

The term loser really is not required in your description.

Sure as the sun rises you will look and say something about my profile akin with the same lines but that is why I start it with the words

"now a lighthearted look"

If you would like to know a males perspective on female profiles here it is

1. There are many women on here who are just seeking an ego boost from the attention that they will receive from men - these women wish to feel desired. Whether they act on this attention or not is their business, they could already be in a relationship of some sort.

2 There are many women who describe themselves as "athletic" but I can assure you that from my perspective they are not athletic at all, in fact they are what average should be if our nation was not so overweight.

3. I have lost of track of all the women that were "no shows" after organising (or attempting to) a meeting with them -- by example this makes them "players" they have no intention to meet they are just playing around which i would venture to say relates to point 1

so how about a little less "man bashing" if this site is so bad why are you here ? As an individual it is up to you to do your own filtration, not someone else.

Posted by: mgtow at May 31, 2008 5:23 PM

Groundhog. @10.15 welcome back, agreed with all you said.

Thank you Sym, as a shorty I am so grateful, no scared forhead and stubbed toes. Quick witted, funny, cheap to feed and go anywhere. Never offended by the short joke, who are the best Jockey's, lol.
Sym, it could mean, if you kiss me and I don't like you, "this is all the time you get", usually that is short enough.

G, If you stop waffling on quick enough, you dont need that flack jacket. lol, ( get that one up your nose too msdarcy).
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at May 31, 2008 5:08 PM

If we were to judge people purely on BMI alone, then you should all know that George Clooney's BMI makes him over-weight; so too Kate Winslet and tennis champion Roger Federer; rugby player Loti Tuquiri is obese; Nicole Kidman, Angelina Jolie and Susan Sarandon are all under-weight and scarily so.

It's far better, instead of prescriptive ideas about height and weight, to think in terms of how you both FIT together. If I were to tell you my weight, you could make all sorts of judgements without having met me. In person however, you would find someone who, because of height, carries off her weight and her size 16 body very well. Better yet, you might find a body SHAPE that nestles into your body shape very very nicely.

Now as to what I'm searching for: Someone who makes me think, who makes me laugh, and who makes me c*m. If I were to write that word for word on my profile, it would not be allowed. But that's what I'm searching for. That, and a great fit.

Oh and Mrs Darcy: Thanks for the great laugh this afternoon. I'm feeling very very attractive after reading your posts.

Posted by: guiltypleasure at May 31, 2008 5:02 PM

Virg, old mate.
We must be mellowing, read your post on the tatoos and thought to myself, I might have to re-evaluate my thoughts on virg, he's got that right, in my day we only branded cattle, never had a tatoo because I could not see the use of adding to perfection.

Then yours of 9.58 am when you actually agreed with me, irrespectively of who the shadow was, you picked it up nicely on "her" next post. There might be hope for you son, (when you decide you have too many splinters for comfort). Sorry Virg, couldn't resist that one.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at May 31, 2008 4:35 PM

The only time I understood the meaning of "short term relationship" was on a profile I saw a few months ago.

The man was from out of the country and was doing some business in Sydney and was looking for a "short term relationship". He did NOT select "long term relationship" on his profile.

That's the first and only profile I've understood why someone would select "short term relationship". Otherwise, it's a mystery to me too.

Posted by: lovemuzik at May 31, 2008 4:33 PM

Fire Lady @ 8.42 am.
As always your professionalism shows out, one problem I have is with the smoking, my non liked maternal G father threw away a butt at 90 odd and karked it, but most of his life as a tobacco grower he smoked pure tobacco not this chemically implanted vegetable concoction peddled by the so called tobacco companies today. Having been in the past a long time smoker, and also had the advantage of the pure tobacco I do not have the problems of the person who has always bought the ciggies in packets. Also genetically of the keg variety rather than the 6 pack, with a natural inclination to dislike the Vogue type and eat what my body wanted at the time and living in an age where you worked off the fat rather than stored it. I can only say thank God I have lived when I have. The Gym to me is somewhere to sweat, not to get dirty and do something productive. "Now if they hooked all these machines to a power generating source I could under stand it, look at the clean energy they would generate" . Then again there did not seem to be the same vanity then as there is today
Nor half the illness
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at May 31, 2008 4:24 PM

I always thought a short term relationship might be in the range of 3 to 6 months, so that would be OK,

Anything shorter than 3 months would probably not be a relationship

Posted by: virgil at May 31, 2008 3:34 PM

Have been told by some on the site that they include both as they're not sure if they want long term till they actually meet "the one". A cop out methinks.. You're either looking for long term or you're not. Dating someone doesn't mean you have to commit to long term and doesn't even mean that you'll end up in a short term one. Nothing gets signed in blood or set it in concrete but at least you know what you eventually want and so does anyone else who looks at your profile. I put both on mine for a while but changed it back. I'm not looking for long "flings" which is what short term implies to me..
Now I'm ducking for cover.. Damn.. Knew I should've bought a flack jacket.. Have fun all... "G"

Posted by: amdoingit at May 31, 2008 2:52 PM

Yes hmmmm, "short-term" relationship....what the hell does THAT mean? Apart from a quick way to put me off somebody's profile! :-)

Posted by: symbiosis66 at May 31, 2008 2:45 PM

Short term relationship to me suggests something temporary or make do with little or no romantic involvement or feeling.It lacks` commitment and based mainly on selfish physical needs.I suppose it could also be a relationship that has failed to prosper but then why would anyone actively seek that type of relationship?

Posted by: abckenny at May 31, 2008 2:18 PM

ERS&L, if you really are Tarzan (!?) wouldn't a shorter Jane be an advantage for swinging on vines with and sharing a cave with? She would be lighter to cling on to you and take up less room in your “cave”.

Height-ism is just as off as size-ism, in my opinion. Yes, I am short….and don’t give a rats about it or if a potential partner is too. Had one "boyfriend" years ago, who was a real pain and he had a go at me re a strong opinion I put forward, whilst we were sitting on a high bench in the Mt Lofty Gardens. His response was "That’s a strong opinion for someone whose feet can’t touch the ground". What has the length of someone's bones got to do with what sort of person they are, or what goes on up top?

I'm just thankful I'm not a short male, as nonsense such as this must be even worse for them….

Posted by: symbiosis66 at May 31, 2008 2:08 PM

I actually don't get "Short Term Relationship" What is that?

Surely only the "players" are looking for that?

I certainly I am looking for a lifepartner and then to get on with that life together!

Posted by: creativestuart at May 31, 2008 1:34 PM

For the record - What are the time frames for "short term", and "long term " relationships?
Maybe that could be broken down to more goal specific activities.

Put another way - "How long is a piece of string ?" (its rather ambiguous)

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at May 31, 2008 1:16 PM

Wishful, agree with you that it's getting easier to detect them. Players thatis.. Must admit I was more than just a tad niave to the whole system when I joined but you learn pretty quickly. Once you know some of the more common traits you can sometimes even flush them out after a short chat on the phone. They really are a dime a dozen and I am referring to both sexes here too.
I'm sure there's still "some" genuine one's out there so we do need to remain optimistic.. Good luck all..... Cheers... "G"

Posted by: amdoingit at May 31, 2008 1:01 PM

Some interesting comments....I just wish there was a magic button on here that cut out the losers, those men who are really married and are pretending otherwise, those who are 20kg heavier than their picture would lead you to believe (even WITH dodgy eyesight) and of course those who are simply players.

Thanksfully it's getting easier and easier to detect the less than desirables. I like groundhogday's strategy - seems to work too!

As for kids not eating (not sure how that got tied into this conversation), at 6 surely that's a parental issue, not a child issue and education is needed in a big way.

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at May 31, 2008 12:40 PM

Moving on - could we now start picking on the other traditionally disadvantaged - short PEOPLE ?

We can always loose weight, build and tone muscle - but how do people GROW?
:)

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at May 31, 2008 12:35 PM

groundhogday@10,15

I agree with you on it taking more than one date to find out who someone is, relax and enjoy each other.

I also agree that starting with sex is a backwards way of doing this.
Start with the entre then work to the desert!

But disagree in dating a few at once.. indeed that makes you a player!

One at a time girl!
More than that does offend others!

Posted by: creativestuart at May 31, 2008 12:30 PM

groundhogday@10,15
Good strategy,it's called testing....sorts out the players.Good luck!

Posted by: ssshhh at May 31, 2008 12:01 PM

firelightlady, your posts are a delight to read, always.

Re this ongoing debate on the weight issue and what to write in profiles: I have said before elsewhere in the blogs (as this topic comes up regularly every few months) exactly what Marcus has said - if you have an up-to-date photo/photos, including at least one full body one, people can decide for themselves by their own subjective thoughts on the matter what category you fall into.

This has proved to be a highly emotive subject before, as people start to judge and generalise about "thin, fat, healthy, unhealthy". I hope things don't go too far down that path again (including some of the cruel and insensitive comments) but knowing these blogs, that's exactly what will happen...

Posted by: malsie at May 31, 2008 11:27 AM

I find that l tend to look at profiles of guys who appear on my homepage and rarely do a search, maybe once a fortnight if that.
If they are younger than me l generally do not look, and if they have no children l tend to skim over too.
The reasons for not having children are, l know, many and varied, and probably it is just a me thing, already been involved with someone who didn't have children and had a vastly different mindset in regards to children.
Mine aren't kids anymore, 19 and 21, however they do live with me and this is their home, so they must be comfortable with whomever l introduce into our home.
That really is a must for me and make no apology for it.
Like to read profiles that are well written and have their funny lines as well as serious ones................K

Posted by: auntykaz at May 31, 2008 11:19 AM

Iaminperth - to clarify children of six years old are not 'force fed' they are supplementary fed i.e. given extra food via fine tubes into the stomach (usually overnight) and they are also fed conventionally. Most do not have a problem with eating per se but have been malnourished at home by mothers who are so terrified of the 'fat' label being applied as per the women's magazines on sale at the checkouts.

The variation in clothes sizes manufactured overseas also plays a part in this when a 6 year old child requires size 8 clothes rather than question the sizing or expected growth some decide to put the child on a diet - mad and sad but true.

My daughter has not worn children's clothes since she was a tall 9 yrs old - she is now approaching 5' 11'', prior to that I refused to dress her in the Bratz, Barbie or Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen style 'hooker wear' peddled in most chain stores! Image isn't everything!

Posted by: firelightlady at May 31, 2008 10:29 AM

In regards to koolkurl1950, good for you, however alot of us "grossly overweight" people do not have the luxury of being able to commit to 8 hours a week minimum intensive then moderate for the rest of the week exercise. Having just gone to my doctor's for a check up and blood test, the words he used to me where, "You are looking healthy but tired, what's been happening?" I replied, "Well, between a teaching practicum, a school musical, sports days with the kids, study, university, work and trying to find time to sleep, I'm exhusted." He told me to back off on something, but it's hard to make the decision where to back off, as it is all important right now. So my doctor tells me I'm healthy. So whats your advice? Should I go back to swimming 5kms a day on top of all the other stuff I do in order to give someone else the indication that I will offer them offspring with no serious health problems. My family has diabetes, heart disease, arthritis and heomophillia in it's medical genetic history, so being overweight, despite it's obvious social problems, is the least of my worries in regards to health. Being overweight is a genetic disposition, and I know that lifestyle has factors that contribute, I'm actually quite intelligent and knowledgable in regards to health. So your "it's that simple" comment is quite demeaning. Most of us already know what we have to do, but lifestyle factors aside, this is a blog about personal preferences, not a personal opinion about what fat people should be doing and if we where not so lazy we wouldnt have these problems. The point I attempted to make was that people should be looking beyond the physical. I can see know that despite my belief that we are all equal and beautiful, I am one of the minority that see's things this way.

Posted by: bigheartedgal33 at May 31, 2008 10:15 AM

Great subject. Personally, what I want is all there in my description. There is one thing missing from the Search option but Ive found a way to screen it. ' Dating Style'. Lets be honest - there are a lot of players on this site (both sexes) who want nothing more than a notch on the bedpost. Ive learned a screening method that serves me well. My reply email (if they fit the main values I hold (dont smoke being high on the list) asks a futher question - before we meet for coffee to see if there is a chemistry -What is your dating style. Genuine dating is an assessment process for me. Self respecting genuine people want to know 'who' they are with and you cant know that in 4 dates. I let a man know in advance that it takes many dates to get to know each other and i dont include sex in that process. (I could be dating a few men and Im not going to sleep with them all!!). Had some interesting reactions from No reply at all to Being called a player !!!! to the Genuine guy who respects my boundaries. Sure saves me a heap of time - wish Id thought of this long ago. Cheers.

Posted by: groundhogday2 at May 31, 2008 10:14 AM

The next Mrs Darcy

There are a lot of beautiful, genuine people on here, and then theres you.

A lot of people for whom I would travel a fair distance to meet, you I would be happy to travel a fair distance to avoid.

I often agree with Marcus, but when I agree with OG, I feel its time to re-evaluate my choices. In your case I feel happy to agree with OG.

Regarding your post about not wanting to be touched while watching tv, surely you speak from your imagination.

You state a preference for drinking sea water, Why does that not surprise me? and you like to whine, hmmm ha ha.

You wont date shorties, fatties, or people with less than a bachelor degree.

Do you like Ramstien? do you work in the security industry? Have you previously been known as Captain Thundebox? or Jolly Roger?

Posted by: virgil at May 31, 2008 9:58 AM

I do use currently I am seeing someone as a let down sometimes. If they are a reasonably close match but I just don't 'see it' then I will use that.

The range of No responses is too restrictive. It would be nice to be able to say I like your profile but I just don't have a sense we would hit it off.

It really is a case of I am busy elsewhere or I hate your profile. No in between and I find that a bit offensive.

I HATE people that don't respond ever. I would rather send out one kiss and be guaranteed a response. Perhaps we can have a read flag, 'XXX has read your kiss and looked at your profile.' This would be a impersonal I am not interested without any angst.

Posted by: myarmsaroundyou at May 31, 2008 9:46 AM

Just for the record - thin is not necessarily fit, not always healthy and comes with as many health problems though different ones as obesity. Every week I see young women (ie less than 35yrs) with osteoporosis, my dentist colleagues spend much time working with bulimics teeth (male and female - false teeth are so unattractive in the young!), and the use of amphetamines for weight loss and 'energy replacement' in the dietary deprived accompanied by binge drinking, in the 17-35 age group is epidemic in Australia. Here and right now.

It is called the Jekyll and Hyde syndrome. Look great, eat well and visit the gym four days of the week then load up with speed and booze and fast food over the 3 day weekend from Friday lunch to early hours on Monday. Purge as needed. Claim drink spiking when you wake up with complete stranger.

Friday/Sat/Sun and public holidays the gym I go to is mostly empty. Tuesday is the busiest day as the hangover has finally faded.
BTW way I am not describing extremists, the gym trainers reckon 40% of the age group are on this roundabout.

Regarding the children being forcefed, I haven't seen it happen, I have seen parents who have had to re-educated about what healthy food intake is, and 10 year olds who fell on hospital food like manna from the heavens because their diet at home was so meagre as the parents didn't want them 'putting on weight' (or growing, or needing new clothes). The 11+ yr olds often head to psychiatrists with their parents - it can often be a family related illness. Just my observation. There is little public funding for them, it is seen as a disease of the affluent.

Smoking is a far bigger risk factor for heart disease than fat (obese people can have better choleserol levels than thin or average), and a thin bulimic smoker taking speed may look great but is guaranteed just as many health problems. This isn't a 'Rah, rah - Go Fatness' chant. Just want to raise awareness of the cost of the body beautiful we are being peddled in this quick fix, everything today, more now world we live in.

Male bulimia (coupled with Bigorexia populist term for the perfect V-shaped male torso) is an increasing trend in young males, so much so my department head sent us all to workshop on it! How sad is that? Men are as manipulated by media as women are, and far less likely to seek help.

Balance is what I am suggesting. When you judge people based on size or lack of it, it is a comment on your own value system.

Koolkurl1950 - extremely attractive but may have future serious health problems??
So the vows of for better or for worse, in sickness and health - would be more like - Only if she stays size 10'ish, never gets permanently injured or has a family history of heart disease (1:2.5) cancer (1:5) Mental illness (1:4) or indulges in pastimes likely to cause severe injury like say crossing the road, or driving a car - what a lucky escape for the ex hostie! She might have been hoping for unconditional love and acceptance.

Choice is just that. Judgement is something else again. I understand your efforts to overcome childhood obesity, why not think about the help others might need to achieve the same. Good luck with the last kilos.

Posted by: firelightlady at May 31, 2008 8:42 AM

Tattoos
I think women who have tattoos are more courageous than me, as I dont have them.

Maybe cause I dont want them, but still the women with tattoos do so, with the expectation that they are permanent.

Men with tattoos are thought of a tough, mens men.

Well actually some might doubt their wisdom, question their financial priorities.

Posted by: virgil at May 31, 2008 12:58 AM

Previewing your Comment
thenextmrsdarcy.. let's try and get things into perspective here..if everyone said the absolute truth in these blog profiles..there wouldn't be one! the censorship panel would self combust! how much honesty do you expect? I am sure there are many happy couples that are together today who may not have been.. had they been totally honest about their intentions when they first met.. let's be real..when you meet someone in the conventional way..do you really expect them to say something like.."let's watch a movie providing I can grope you as well"..to blurt out their inner most thoughts and desires..do you expect to reciprocate in the same manner? it's one thing to blurb on about what you expect from someone you meet on a blog..compared to direct contact..because the form of communication is visual rather than direct.. doesn't mean you should or can blab about your real intentions even though you are masked by protocol.. maybe consider getting a realistic grip on honesty..how far do you want to take it?.. the mind boggles! by the way..what are mr darcy's intentions? just curious.. nw..

Posted

Posted by: naturalwoman08 at May 31, 2008 12:52 AM

thanks for your help with my question...there is no one im interested in right now...i just wanted an opinion...xx

Posted by: cutesmile52 at May 31, 2008 12:18 AM

I wouldnt give a flying frig about the DVD just bring on the touching....

Posted by: justmekylie at May 31, 2008 12:13 AM

Oldergent, not trying to be a poser, I just say what I think, and what I like and what I don't - I'm one of those people who doesn't like doing what the majority of people like doing. A couple of my gallery photos show me trying to stop my friend taking my picture - that's the most natural I can get - otherwise if I try to take my own photo or, if I know someone's taking my picture, I look very worried and even scared. So, if I l look like a poser fine - they're the only photos where I'm not frowning. If I sound like a poser, fine too. The picture stays. I'd rather look like a poser than someone who looks worried. Years ago I put up a picture of me looking like the photographer was about to shoot me with a bullet. Didn't get a single kiss. Even a posey photo attracts plenty of attention. I'm sure a lot of other people out there cringe at the thought of putting up pictures of themselves looking so self-conscious because they're aware that their picture is being taken, even if they're taking their own photo. Some of us really hate it and are jealous of people who look great in candid happy snaps and have myriad images to choose from to load onto RSVP. I know everyone's supposed to smile (and people search for great smiles) but when you know your picture's being taken and you can smile and frown at the same time, it just doesn't look natural. Sincerely, Posey.

Posted by: thenextmrsdarcy at May 31, 2008 12:02 AM

Obesity is @ PANDEMIC levels.
Lets not trivialize the horror that all that implies. It's considered much, much worse than smoking was as a health threat.

Bringing up the oddball cases of a neurotic tweens starving themselves to be a model wannabe, as the example of the general publics overreaction, and deliberate discrimination of BBW, is akin to saying that the millions of Africans/Chinese shouldn't use condoms because some people will have sex out of wedlock - and thats a SIN ! (plus we need the latex for support bras)

It's also my professional medical opinion that "thenextmrsdarcy" needs to up the dosage of her medication . (sic)

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at May 30, 2008 11:31 PM

My thoughts on key words - for a key word search engine to work people would have to remove their dislikes from the profiles. As an example if I was to do a key word search on heavy metal I don't think an intelligent enough key word search engine exists to be able to sort the women who like heavy metal from all the different ways women say they don't like heavy metal in their profiles.

Blonde Biped I can understand people specifying hair/eye colour - all other things being equal give me a woman with sparkling blue eyes (I love Lithuanian women's eyes) and dark brown hair over any other combination any day.

Posted by: eurotravel at May 30, 2008 11:24 PM

Walk, beach, drink, wine, mmmm. I like to whine along the beach while I drink sea water. With my spare arm I also carry my laptop on which a dvd is playing, whilst my partner,with his spare arm, mandatorily cuddles me constantly. Lacking the obligatory sofa on which to cuddle, we fall amourously into the sand.....oh please, we all know the mandatory cuddling couch is just so the guys can grope us up whilst we're relaxed in front of a good movie. "What are you searching for?" Be honest guys, don't say cuddling on the sofa with a dvd, say; a girl who likes to be "touched" while we're watching television together.

Posted by: thenextmrsdarcy at May 30, 2008 11:19 PM

l have been glancing over the comments and feel l must comment on the overweight aspect of the debate.
You can be fat and fit.
you can be fat and flexible.
You can be fat and strong.
But you can't be fat and healthy.
l have struggled with weight my whole life because as a child l was always praised for the amount of food that l could eat. l currently undertake intensive excercise for a minumum of eight hour a week and the rest of the week is spent with moderate excerise. l am still 10kgs overweight but no one believes that when l tell them.
The point l am trying to make is that overweight and obesity is the greatest epedimic in the western world.
The simple formula is that you consume more calories than you expendend !!!
It is that simple.
l was at a function tonight where l met a lady that was previously an air hostess, she was extremely attractive but grossly overweight. You cannot have a future with someone that presents themselves with the lilelyhood of very serious future health problems.

Posted by: koolkurl1950 at May 30, 2008 11:18 PM

thenextmrsdarcy,
I didn't say you were dishonest, I was honest in my reply, Even if I were to meet your expected standard, I am not too sure I would bother contacting a person that is that demanding. I am quite comfortable with the majority of the ladies on this site, who just display a natural photo and do not feel they have to "pose", think about the type that are attracted to a "poser"
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at May 30, 2008 11:09 PM

Those that say BMI is a good indicator of body size and should be included please consider the following

I have a BMI of 31 this means I am obese

BUT

I have a 8 pack stomach and 8 % body fat

so the BMI can also be unreliable

Posted by: mgtow at May 30, 2008 10:48 PM

Amber, the AMA reported that children are being admitted to hospital to be force fed at the age of 6. This is both male and female children.
Also babies are being admitted suffering malnutrition as some mothers will not feed full fat milk products for fear of developing fat cells. It is a sad indictment on society when this kind of thinking overtakes all the other day to day problems we have to live with. Complete madness I think and is probably why so many relationships go astray, people are not focussing on each other, only focussing on make believe images. I don't think they ever really get out of the seeking phase and move onto a bonding stage, so sad.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 30, 2008 10:45 PM

How about a section about tattoos

whether a person has them

and

whether they like them or not

I personally do not like them and there would be no point in starting communication with a woman that has them.

Posted by: mgtow at May 30, 2008 10:39 PM

iaminperth

are you serious that you have never walked along the beach drinking wine?..ofcourse..these days you have to be discreet about it..as most beaches have alcohol bans..but cup of tea anyone?..or at twilight..too dark to notice..

or you could have one of those syphon back packs that bike riders use..mmm..very romantic..

reminds me of the days when people would byo their grog to unlicensed cafe's and transfer them into teapots..never seen such a merry bunch of tea drinkers in your life..oooooh..such reckless fun..I'm sure aunt molly would never have approved!

nw x

Posted by: naturalwoman08 at May 30, 2008 10:33 PM

I was listening to a Radio National interview about eating disorders earlier this week where children as young as 11 years old, are being admitted to hospital literally starving to death, because they are scared of getting fat.
This is happening all over the western world.
An article in last week's Sunday Mail talked about the huge increase in Australians travelling overseas for "Plastic Surgery Holidays".
Apparently we have nothing else to worrry about in Western Society, except what we look like!

Our future environmental crises will be a great leveller. We may not be able to afford petrol soon, so we will all have to walk or ride everywhere.
Seems most of our State Governments are woefully prepared for the huge increase in Public Transport use. (Great for our BMI at any rate)
And the predicted increase in environmental disasters will hit us in the wealthier societies just as readily as in the poorer nations, as nature doesn't discriminate. McMansions fall apart just as readily as any other building in a decent cyclone, earthquake, tornado or flood.

I wonder if our children will even have the time, energy or resources to have this conversation in another 20 years time?

Posted by: amberlight58 at May 30, 2008 10:16 PM

creativestuart..
"It is not the girl or the child/ren, but the ex that brings the hesitation for me".

maybe rsvp should have a category which states:

single mother with no 'Ex'-cess baggage.. Ex's ETA..never..one-way ticket only! ..

take a chance..there are many single mothers who have no contact with their Ex's at all.. :)

happy searching!

nw

Posted by: naturalwoman08 at May 30, 2008 10:09 PM

To Ogregent and Sitsandwa^ks, I know what I'm looking for and I'm not going to lower or alter my standards, likes and dislikes, just to suit the majority (of men on this site). The title of the blog is 'what are you searching for,' so all I can say is, to each his own. At least I'm honest.

Posted by: thenextmrsdarcy at May 30, 2008 9:38 PM

On the subject of online dating I would also like decent customer service that was just that - service!
Ever had a problem with your RSVP account?? Don't hold your breath, the 20 yr old answering your emails doesn't give a stuff - though Karina is always helpful : -) and the email address that they write from does not accept emails in return... Wonder if this post gets through to the blog!

4 x submission 'errors' hmmm

Posted by: firelightlady at May 30, 2008 9:38 PM

Bighearted that was most eloquently worded and I can completely understand where you are coming from. The issue of someones weight is an age old debate, but in parts of history a more "Buxom" woman was highly sought after indeed. The thing is, you are right it really is who someone is that is important but unfortunately this medium does not give us the luxury of knowing someones mind and soul, before we decide to contact them. So we have to rely on aesthetics to make that decision for us. Sadly weight is one of the first things they look at. Its not going to change and someone will always try to make us feel as though we are alesser person because of it. We just have to have faith in who we are and tell them "To each their own"........

Posted by: mystiemuse at May 30, 2008 8:44 PM

honestly guys, I don't think that weight is an issue..I have the "bit over weight on my profile" backed up with a proper and current photo....and every guy that has met me, knows me as soon as I walk into the place/cafe/bar, that we have agreed to meet at. What you see is what you get!!!!

Now I am talking from my experience so far...ladies, there are heaps of men out there that luv curves...and they range from 31 onwards...though the young ones don't want a relationship....just sex with an older woman...but my point is that there are heaps of men out there, we are all visual creatures, so put up photo's showing a body to go with the face, and you just may be surprised with the results.

And don't go saying that you want to be private, you don't want to be seen, someone you know may see you......you already have a profile on RSVP. You are here to sell yourself, as that is what your profile is doing for you.

Just be honest, there are a lot sharks out there....but there are also nice guys who are genuine...you just have to kiss a lot of toads first...and I think I am now seeing one who is not a toad, so it can happen.

Good luck all and have a lovely evening...jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at May 30, 2008 8:14 PM

How to find your Body Mass Index. BMI.

You are 80 Kg and1.72 metres
1.72 x 1.72 = 2.958
80 divided by 2.958 cm = 27 BMI = 27.
A BMI between 25 to 30 says you are overweight. Over 30 signals obesity.

Posted by: laughsandtalks at May 30, 2008 8:00 PM

I sympathise with anyone who gets knocked back on a size issue. I note that many men over 45'ish declare they look young for their age and are looking for a woman 25-40, slim or athletic, no children, no baggage, looks after themselves "Mind body and spirit", "Beautiful outside and inside" - all I can say is good luck guys - I have a large number of co-workers in this bracket that find these profiles 'creepy' and off-putting... the 25 year olds find 35 yr olds borderline, anything older is just weird!

If size is such an issue I am glad I don't get to meet those guys. Marcus, I would say lucky for the human race most women prefer a man who makes them laugh to the Calvin Klein model type (though for my money the Powerhouse model with hairy chest gets a second glance very time I go past!). if survival was based on the animalistic male photo based attraction there would be a lot more lonely guys out there.

Me? I am size 14/16 top (big boobs) and 12 jeans or trousers (14 and I don't need to unzip to get them off!) - I have been told that sizes 8 - 10 - 12 is average, not me! This gentleman obviously doesn't get out to the shops / beach too much!
Having said that I work out, can run 5 kms without a rest, drive pretty much anything with an engine and can't remember the last sick leave I took.

Cook like a chef (ok I sometimes swear like Gordon Ramsay too), debate like a lawyer, laugh everyday, live life like only a firesign can, and have a great job - and get rejected without a second thought on the basis of a photo... hmmm

What am I looking for? Not looking for Mr Perfect, Mr Just Right would be great though, married Mr Always Right and that was boring.
So a fun, fit, sane, and smart man with an honest and fun approach to dating; a good sense of humour, honesty, sensuality, and the desire to live a full life. Don't want someone to try to change me, and I won't try to change him - Bony men are uncomfortable in bed, so forget slim - athletic to a bit overweight is fine with me!

Mr Powerhouse Ad would be perfect in the interim though! Lol.

Posted by: firelightlady at May 30, 2008 7:45 PM

cutesmile52 at May 30, 2008 5:46 PM

No may not mean NO, just 'not now'.
Keep trying. Write him an email professing your virtue (or sin) and suggest if things change you might like to talk to him.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at May 30, 2008 7:39 PM

Posted by: oldergent at May 30, 2008 5:39 PM
Yes you would have to make a booking for three at that fancy Brisbane restaurant Ogre. Her ego needs at least another seat. A real ball buster.

Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at May 30, 2008 7:32 PM

Sorry folks - but we can't avoid our evolutionary psychology. With our subconscious minds constantly assessing prospective profiles and strangers for possible successful mates ( even those consciously NOT WANTING children ), those that are attractive, healthy, and successful types are always going to be the pick of the litter.
A bit of a oversimplification but thats science. If we have to blame anything - blame genetics.

** Heres another fact to keep in mind - a thousand years ago, a couple got together and had 2 children, each child then who do also has 2 children...and for 33.3 generations) = 2 to the power of 33.3 ( in this example lets say a generation is 30 years and hence 33.3 x 30= 1000 years) = 10,575,449,984 people
This means then- that number would be the number of offspring from the union of the original couple after 1000 years.

AND THATS MORE THAN THE CURRENT POPULATION OF THE PLANET !
MATHEMATICALLY , THE IMPLICATION IS WE ARE ALL RELATED TO EACH OTHER (omg!!), FROM A SINGLE COUPLE 1000 YEARS AGO - ISN'T THAT A HEADSPIN ??

Puts a whole new spin on that old joke "You know your a redneck when you go to a family reunion to improve your dating prospects" !

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at May 30, 2008 7:05 PM

Hey Bighearted, I think you are being too hard on yourself, there are many reasons men don't reply or maybe you are just seeking the wrong type. You should feel lucky you don't meet them anyway as they don't sound particularly nice. You may be just a little too smart for the ones you are picking out, it may have nothing to do with looks. Don't be hard on yourself and feel lucky when some don't reply because you weren't meant to meet for a miriad of reasons and just keep looking after yourself and being the best you can be. You will meet someone nice, you really will, if only for a new really good friend and don't forget friends have friends.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 30, 2008 6:48 PM

This blog comes at a interesting time for me, as I pondering whether RSVP is right for someone like me. I am a bigger girl. I don't hide the fact I am, being open and honest about it in my profile and my photo's. I am also quite open about the fact that I am healthy and fit, (within reason), both swimming and walking to keep myself healthy and happy. Unfortunately, I am also a human who needs food as a fuel source and my metabolism doesn't quite agree with the food I like to eat. Death by chocolate, I would die happy. :-D What I find the most disheartening about the whole weight debate is that we are not talking about the people, just their body type and what our personal preference's are? I have always thought I would like, and then perhaps love, someone for the comman interests we share and the things we discover about each other. Physical attraction is fleeting once we truely get to know someone, we see the whole package, not just the wrapping it's coming in. Call me naive, but I truely think that I am the perfect person for someone out there, no matter my weight. Yes I have preferences too, but they are mainly focused on intelligence, sense of humor and being a non-smoker. I appreciate Troy's comments on preferring slim/athletic on knowing that they would have some comman ground, but it might surprise some people to realise that fat people actually do know alot about fitness as well as the thin one's. My personal trainer tells me that I know more about my own fitness that her thin clients do, and they are only working with her as having a trainer is "cool." Believe me, I look for someone who's into fitness so I can have a motivational and training partner. I unfortunately had a car accident and fractured my spine, so I am nowhere near as active as I want or used to be, but I have accepted that I will never be perfect, and neither will anyone else, so I go with the flow and accept what life sends my way. If its not what I want in my life I set it floating again. I am honest in saying that I do not want to look the way I do, however there are some things I cannot change until I have to opportunity to. (A new back would help, but thats not going to happen.) Im searching for something simple. Acceptance. Of myself, of others and from others. Over the past few weeks I have sent out lots of kisses to lots of men on the Gold Coast, and the same thing glares me in the face with every response. Men are visual. They can also be extremely acerbic and also occassionally diplomatic. I spent my birthday stamp on some guy how was looking for friends, was a personal trainer and whom I told flat out, I knew I wasnt going to romantically attract him, but in terms of a friend, I hope he replied. He did, with a kiss response that told me to take a flying leap. So I guess if you say in profiles you don't take weight or looks into account when choosing a partner, your kidding yourself. So be honest. I never send winks to guys who put slim, athletic or average on their profiles because I know I am not, and in so many good ways.

Posted by: bigheartedgal33 at May 30, 2008 5:56 PM

I think that is what Marcus is saying Mystie, you have put o/'weight on your profile so have I. I think a lot of people don't because their perception is saying they are not when the reality is they are. I would not think if someone makes contact with you with an honest profile they would be rude enough to criticize afterwards. I like a smile, so many people don't seem to know how to smile nowadays they are always trying to think of something smart and trendy to say. Good teeth are a must. I don't care how fit, or whatever the person is, he must look after his teeth and no dirty fingernails. Of course, if he has raced out from work because he really wants to meet you and the hands are grubby fair enough, but clean teeth are a must.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 30, 2008 5:47 PM

also what does it mean when a gentleman would reply back to kiss saying they have starting corresponding with someone else and not interested...do they still need to be on here or are they saying no but delicately?

Posted by: cutesmile52 at May 30, 2008 5:46 PM

I find the specificity of some peoples search parameters astounding. Eye / hair colour? Really? They have to be a brunette with green eyes? What about green hair and brown eyes? would that work?

Undecided on the kiddie front could mean more than just personal procreation. At 36 I'm unlikely to have kids but I contemplate fostering at some point. Hence undecided.

(BMI currently 25, borderline acceptable)

Posted by: blondebiped at May 30, 2008 5:45 PM

ive had quite a few contacts on here...but no follow up... there was a gentlemen who had written me a beautiful message and left me his number but when i called him he either didnt remember me and just laughed it away saying that he didnt take it seriously!!
am i to feel insulted?

Posted by: cutesmile52 at May 30, 2008 5:40 PM

Hi thenextmrsdarcy.
Good luck, in your pursuit of the adonis of your quest, in a way I am happy I don"t meet your expectations, LOL.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at May 30, 2008 5:39 PM

The whole weight 'average' is meaningless in today's society. Imagine America where the average is actually morbidly obese.

BMI is more scientific but it requires a weight to work it out. So if the weight was entered and used to calculate the described average it would be the person lying.

Posted by: myarmsaroundyou at May 30, 2008 5:38 PM

Another thing I often thought would improve things on profiles is if profiles had a space for the person's weight. Some bloggers have already suggested this idea. And I want to support them. For example next to body type:

Body Type: A bit overweight (80 kgs)

But along with this, RSVP should include a copy of the Mass Index Chart so we can see if this person is really overweight or not (depending on their height).

I searched the internet and found this example from Queensland Health web site.

According to this chart, if you weight 80 kgs you can be considered obese, overweight, healthy weight or underweight depending on your height.

80 kgs + 150 cm tall = Severely Obese
80 kgs + 160 cm tall = Obese
80 kgs + 170 cm tall = Overweight
80 kgs + 180 cm tall = Healthy Weight Range
80 kgs + 210 cm tall = Underweight

Of course, like everything else, people can lie about their weight and height, but if they are truthful we can get a better idea of what they might look like and what kind of healthy or unhealthy lifestyle they lead.

Posted by: lovemuzik at May 30, 2008 5:37 PM

Marcus,
My point about weight was not whinging about what others want, everyone has and is entitled to their own tastes. I was simply answering the subject matter of the blog as to what would be good for searches, and as such was just making suggestions for a better wording for something that can become such an issue for some.
I myself am overweight, but no one that has met me, ever had an issue with it.
By the way I am simply clarifying my point, not making excuses, as I happen to like who I am and do not feel that need. :-)

Posted by: mystiemuse at May 30, 2008 5:29 PM

What am I searching for? Someone tall, someone thin (I will ask you your weight), someone who doesn't lie about his smoking habits, someone who doesn't describe himself as an 'ordinary bloke' and someone who NEVER, EVER uses the letters 'lol'.

As someone who does do the wining, dining, travelling thing for real, I find it frustrating that so many guys put it in their profiles and don't follow through. For example if I mention one of the best restaurants in Brisbane, he has firstly, never heard of it, and secondly, baulks at going because it sound expensive. Furthermore, if I actually do get someone to a restaurant, I'm the one who has to explain what half the ingredients on the menu are....and I won't start whining about the wine.

Posted by: thenextmrsdarcy at May 30, 2008 4:58 PM

I guess that women rarely check out other womens profiles and men the same...
Sure we would probably be quite amazed to find that men and women alike can be possibly stretching the dream in their ideal match scenario.

So when men and women here complain / comment on the wants of the opposite sex, it is probably not a bad idea to keep that in mind......................K.

Posted by: auntykaz at May 30, 2008 4:52 PM

What would I want in a partner?

I feel my only major requirement would be a non-smoker, and even then it would be Ok if the person was a 2 to 5 a day smoker.

Age? my last partner is 18 years younger than i am, but that wasn't an age choice, it just happened. I feel I would want a partner who was at least as physically active as myself, which is exercisisng about twice a week walking regularly.

Children, wouldnt want more.

Body shape? mid range, not extreme either way within 5 to 10 kilos of what doctors call healthy weight range.

The intangible, of wanting to be with me as much as I would want to be with her.

Someone who enjoys sex, for whom it is not a chore, would be right up there in desirable qualities.

There are possibly some other things I want, but cant think of them right now.

Posted by: virgil at May 30, 2008 4:27 PM

Posted by: mystiemuse at May 30, 2008 2:00 PM
Surely the best way to sort out the body type labelling is simply to post a recent photo showing you standing so that men can check you out?
Voluptuous, curvacious, cuddly, plump, stout, Ruebenesque, horizontally challenged, 'short for my weight' are all very well and in my experience code for what your Dr. would call obese or morbidly obese.
Crikey, men want and are entitled to want someone who they find physically attractive and what these criteria are can be pretty subjective. They relate, as Troy suggests, as much to a perception of health/fitness as beauty.

Cheers Marcus
(BMI presently about 27; so overweight)

Posted by: laughsandtalks at May 30, 2008 4:19 PM

I agree jaminperth, I think everybody has a right to choose which preferences they like when it comes to choosing a potential match. I don't get angry or upset about it, such is life, I'm five foot six so that means that I'm immediately ruled out of a lot of profiles (damn my short but cute frame!!). But seriously I sometimes wonder whether certain people just write what they think will sound nice as apposed to " I want a tall supermodel who's incredibly fit". Considering I only work off the basis of a 2 way search and most of the profiles I choose to kiss cit sense of humour as the most important criteria. Having glanced at some other profiles on here I can at least say that I attempted to be humourous unlike some of the carbon copy boredom that resides in the top 100, they seem to look like male models though, hhhmmm....strange coincidence ;-).

Posted by: irishmark1978 at May 30, 2008 4:10 PM

I believe everyone has the right to state his or her own preferences. If they don't like overweight so be it. If they want younger/older whatever that's their business. It's good because then you know where you are going to start off with. What I find difficult are the profiles with the fake personnas, loves travelling, wining and dining when in reality they have never left the country and wining and dining means sitting in front of the television with a can of beer.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 30, 2008 3:49 PM

I agree Troy. Unfortunately I think that some people like to portray who they would like to be, not who they really are. I don't mean that in a derogatory way but I think it is the reality of life. A little like the walking on the beach statement drinking red wine, impossible I would think to do but until you really think about it sounds good.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 30, 2008 3:30 PM

Another comment on children too perhaps...

There are some single mothers that seem very attractive, in many more ways than just looks..

But you are always wondering "how much will I have to do with/ deal with the ex?"

It is not the girl or the child/ren, but the ex that brings the hesitation for me.

I have some friends in broken families and whilst they are good "mates" I wouldn't want them to be part of a relationship I was trying to have with their ex.

Posted by: creativestuart at May 30, 2008 3:30 PM

This children/no children thing is an interesting one.

At 41 I am trying to leave my options well open...

It is not that I am undecided either, If the oportunity presents I want them if not I don't.

FAR more important that that for me is to find a person to spend the rest of my life with. Then make the plan together for our future, a compromise on our personal paths to give a shared fulfilling path.

I actually have very few criterion.

*Obviously there must be attraction.
*Then there must be a shared goal, direction, dream if you like. A basis to build "forever" on, no good if you both want completely different outcomes.
*A motivated person, I like to be active and do things, also to get things done either complimenting each other or together. If sleeping is listed as a hobby, not interested.
* Finally competance, i.e. something to show for 30 years on the planet - I am not here to work my self stupid, do all the "jobs" too and fund someone else having a wonderful time whilst I do so.

That is it...
No games, complete honesty, and actually willing to spend the time to met and find out who each other are. Not make assessments based upon baggage or assumptions.

Posted by: creativestuart at May 30, 2008 3:22 PM

Yes Amber, I look at the profiles the same way as you do.
All those details can be a huge deciding factor to whether there isnt going to be future issues arise.
I had one guy send me a kiss today saying he thought we had a lot in common. However, his profile said he has No children, and is undecided to whether he want's children of his own. Also for his partner match was No children.
Well if he looked at my profile properly then he wouldnt have been dreaming. Der!
I think it would be a good idea to have a little box with a few key words next to the photos in the profile stipulating that those points are highlights of the persons profile or important points of compatibility.
There is a little space there to do it, then maybe people will be prompted to look further into the profile rather than just the picture.
PS: Thanks BM and Virg for your encouragement with my profile. Bling Bling!

Posted by: gemsnbling at May 30, 2008 3:16 PM

Why doesn't RSVP just have a space for weight? Other sites do .... saves on all the speculation of how you describe a person's body type.

Posted by: woodnwine at May 30, 2008 3:14 PM

Very true WNW,
And we all have the choice to skim past them. If men want slim or athletic women that is their choice, it is better that they are honest and up front about it.
I was surprised Troy got so "uppity" in the first place! I was only expressing an opinion like everyone else and I didn't consider I was being unkind (well, maybe about the older men who really want 30 year olds!) when I said "So I guess blokes who are that specific aren't looking for someone like me!"
It was an honest statement of fact, and actually a litle self-depreciating I thought, not an attack on any particular bloke!

I had no idea what/who troy was looking for because he rarely puts his profile up, obviously because he is no longer looking.
Good on him!
Troy likes to pretend he is a nice bloke, but sometimes his frustration with those women who upset him, lets the cat well and truly "out of the bag"!

Posted by: amberlight58 at May 30, 2008 3:06 PM

Troyahoy

I am nearly 40 and I have a better body now than I did at 25 - so it is possible

All those women that say well i am so and so age now - and i can not have the body of a 25 year old is nothing but a excuse

as for search parameters

perhapes some personality traits
if you want to know what I mean have a look at my profile - I am specific about it there

you know the traits that get left out

PMS - princess mentality syndrome
Borderline personality disorder

etc etc -- the issue would be getting people to be honest.

Posted by: mgtow at May 30, 2008 3:00 PM

Thanks Troy,
For your explanation about how you weren't having a "crack" at me.
I know it must be hard for you not to be confrontational, as I sense your frustration with women like myself, (always annoyingly questioning your comments) just below the surface all the time .
I apologise if I misjudged your motives.
Maybe it's because you rarely say anything positive or affirming about anyone and you are often cruel, when trying to be funny at other people's expense?

I am glad you have found your partner and I hope your relationship works out well for you.
You may well be right about me, I am probably way too cynical for my own good.
I accept your criticism in the manner (which I think) it is intended.
Thank you for your good wishes for my future, sounds like I'm going to need them!

Posted by: amberlight58 at May 30, 2008 2:30 PM

It's funny, but the person who I am involved with (we actually met on these blogs) and I would have never have met each other if we'd relied on the RSVP search to match us up. I think that the more open you are criteria-wise, the more likely you are to find someone. The only thing is, you also have to be open to the thought of finding someone outside a 10km radius.....

Posted by: wraecca at May 30, 2008 2:20 PM

irishmark - so simple yet somehow so hard.

Posted by: woodnwine at May 30, 2008 2:02 PM

How about if we have some better options to describe weight. Such as curvaceos, cuddly or voluptuous. I would even be happy with "renaissance woman" Yes you may say they all just are better ways of saying, "overweight", but why not make it sound a little sexier, like I know a lot of women feel?? Because after all sexiness comes from the inside more than the outside, its a state of mind. In my opinion. I am sure there are many men who disagree but thats their negative gearing not mine!

Posted by: mystiemuse at May 30, 2008 2:00 PM

" I just said I avoid men who stipulate a particular body type! "
Posted by: amberlight58 at May 30, 2008 12:51 PM

This is a very old debate and will go on for ever. The bottom line is people should be able to stipulate what ever they want:
smoking, body type, education level, height .... it's all about personal preference. Some women won't date a man with a beard or who smokes, some won't date someone without children or with children, some look at eductaion some don't ..... personal choice, simple as that.

Posted by: woodnwine at May 30, 2008 1:59 PM

Posted by: iaminperth at May 30, 2008 12:57 PM

Perth, I think what I'm trying to say, and badly, is that, unless you are like TW who is happy to meet hundreds of women on speck, you have to set some sort of boundaries. I choose to say slim/athletic, look after themselves and train a bit. This tells me a bit about the sort of person they may be and the real interests they may have more than how obsessed they are with body image. I am more likely to get on with someone who runs or does triathlons for example than someone who only likes sitting on the couch watching dvd's and sunsets. This may mean I miss someone who is a little overweight and is wonderful however, again, I just can't get into the TW volume method.

Troy

Posted by: troyohboy at May 30, 2008 1:58 PM

Irishmark...you just about answered for me there. Even the part of wondering why I am on this site!! But I will never find him if I don't look, or at least be seen.....:-)
Cheers,
B.

Posted by: bm1960 at May 30, 2008 1:54 PM

What am I searching for? hhhmmmm......

Well I suppose I'd love to meet someone who I find attractive, who's confident, who's intelligent, who's funny and who's ready for a relationship thats more about sharing experiences then taking over someones life.

Well there you go, I've probably answered this question for most people ;-).

Jeez, sounds so simple doesn't it, God knows why I'm on this site ;-)

Posted by: irishmark1978 at May 30, 2008 1:46 PM

I have found that I must not be showing up in many searches because I put "A bit overweight", and most of the men my age or in my age range have, slim, althletic, average. I could lie and say average and in fact I have seen alot of female profiles that say average regardless of how they look. For me the easiest search is by age, but I have children so it must be a priority that the men I look for, don't mind mine. The rest is just a matter of reading and discounting or keeping for future reference.

Posted by: mystiemuse at May 30, 2008 1:44 PM

Posted by: amberlight58 at May 30, 2008 12:51 PM

Oh amber, even when I try to be non confrontational....and it's hard :-), you find a way to take it that way. Not to worry. I was not being judgemental I simply stated that I was looking, not looking anymore as have found her, for someone who 'actively exercises' and looks after themselves. Someone who does this, male or female, is rarely, if ever, 'a little overweight'...maybe average. I'm not stereotyping anyone and it is true I have no idea of your exercise routine although if you are overweight you obviously take in more kilojoules than you burn, given you don't have any illness or other condition. And age doesn't count haha. That's just the science not me having a crack at you. My view of active exercise is running, gym, competative sport etc. Walking yourself and/or the dog, which I also do, is not what I consider active ie: cardio exercise, it is pleasant however. I have to use the available options on rsvp. I don't believe your mothers habits would fall within the boundary of looking after yourself so your point there is a little askew there.

With regard to your cynicism, well, that is up to you however perhaps you might consider that your experiences of men does not include all men and there are some nice ones out there. Will you be open enough should one come into your life? Maybe not yet. Good luck anyway.

Troy

Posted by: troyohboy at May 30, 2008 1:42 PM

And add to that -"Sense of Humour"

Search terms ?
Well, each to their own, but this grrls original.

Other interests:
"i love dacing. sometimes i enjoy binge drinking. it is good for relesing stress.

Take your pick !

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at May 30, 2008 1:35 PM

Hi eatsrootsandleaves,
I have a book with the same title, about english grammar and punctuation. Where did you find yours?

Some very good points there, eral!

Posted by: amberlight58 at May 30, 2008 1:29 PM

Yes troy .... it's funny .... many of the things women object to can be easily found in other women's profiles. That always makes me laugh when I read about women's objections.

Posted by: woodnwine at May 30, 2008 1:08 PM

AGE:
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

CHILDREN:
WAY TOO MANY 'WORMS IN THAT CAN' girls.
Who says that ALL parents, like their OWN children anyhow, let alone someone else's? (and visa versa ! OR a guy may want/like children, but isn't too sure about the mother ...
No wonder theres a 'undecided' option.

SEX: ( whats that ?? ask your children...)
Way more important to consider than eye,hair,skin color...
Surely libido, and orientation, are critical elements for people to consider in advance of getting 'interested'.
Friendship is great too, but whats to be shy about ?

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at May 30, 2008 1:02 PM

Definitely Troy, I was not implying just men. I haven't been too inclined to read the womens profiles. I do know of two women personally who have taken five years off their age and state openly they will not first date a guy unless it is dinner in a very good restaurant. I can't quite understand that one as I can't imagine anything worse than sitting down to a meal and realizing you are not feeling comfortable with the person at all. Also the body image bit is a worry on both sides, but I think too much emphasis is placed on that unless it's really extreme, after all you can always lose or put on a bit of weight but it would be much harder to change a nasty mean temperament I think.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 30, 2008 12:57 PM

Hi iaminperth,
yes smoking, a definite no-no for me, too!

Hi troy,
Point taken. I saw a lady the other day who was my age and was looking for a 30-40 year old!
However, I wasn't being judgemental about your choices, I just said I avoid men who stipulate a particular body type!
Could I suggest that you are being a bit judgemental in inferring that because I am a few kilos overweight, I don't exercise or look after myself?
You have no idea of my job, or my exercise patterns or my diet.
Are you not guilty of "stereotyping" women who are overweight?

My mother was a good case scenario, that not everyone who is slim looks after themselves. She was always slim, but hardly ate anything other than chocolate bars and smoked over 50 cigarettes a day. She actually looked good for her age even in her 50s, but her idea of exercise was opening a new packet of cigarettes!
No offence troy, but......

Regarding your comment about men being undecided re children, sorry if I appear cynical but a bloke in his 50s who has had children but is "undecided" about more, is in my view only "undecided" if he thinks he has a chance with a gorgeous 30 year old!
If he is genuine about wanting more of his own children he will say so!
And yes, yes, I know I'm guilty of being judgemental and bitchy, guys, okay?!

Posted by: amberlight58 at May 30, 2008 12:51 PM

Posted by: iaminperth at May 30, 2008 12:13 PM

Perth, like amber you really should have a look at what women put on their profiles. You will find that everything, written by men, you dislike is mirrored in many women's profiles. I do agree with what you say......just the other way around :-)

Troy

Posted by: troyohboy at May 30, 2008 12:38 PM

How about the guys profiles that say 'must be a great kisser' and you look and they say they are a smoker. Or a 60 + guy is undecided whether he wants children but is looking for someone 40 upwards. I think the situation should be a little more clarified as some of these guys are thinking they will accept the ones that are already there, not father more. Be a lot more honest about the trying to quit with regard to smoking. I don't really mind that but could simply not be with a long term smoker no matter how nice they were. Need some honesty there guys, be honest. Nothing worse for a non smoker coming home stinking of stale cigarette smoke. I went to dinner with a guy who popped outside between courses to smoke and then directly after the meal. He said he was trying to quit, but after a couple of drinks said there was no way. I don't have anything against people smoking but I don't want them close to me thanks, so even though I thought he was good fun, not for me, 2 reasons can't stand the smell of the cigarettes and he shouldn't have told porkies in the first place.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 30, 2008 12:13 PM

Posted by: amberlight58 at May 30, 2008 11:16 AM

Amber, just to give you a male, well my, perspective;

There are men who don't want to be excluded from being considered by saying 'no kids'. Check out how many 40-45 no kids but want them ?!? women on this site to understand why.

My brother was always a fan of Asian women, could never tell me why. I prefer caucasian, can't tell you why. We are all different.

What do you think constitutes the average 50 year old female body? Surely no serious person would consider it as the same as an average 25 year olds. The body type, as far as I'm concerned, is in relation to the age. I certainly don't have the body I did at 25 and consider myself athletic as a 46 year old. I was interested in women 40-49, slim/athletic as this to me indicates that they take care of themselves and actively exercise. I look after myself and prefer a partner who does the same. It's not a priority for you, that's ok but you shouldn't make judgements on those for who it is.

You are correct that perhaps people with these specifics may not be for you and agree that is fine. I think the 3 categories you highlight are priorities for you however they may not be the priorities for some or even the majority. That's why there are several preferences to complete as it is a very broad market.

No offence intended amber however you do have a habit of seeing the negative in mens choices without examining what many of the females on rsvp state as 'requirements'.

Troy

Posted by: troyohboy at May 30, 2008 12:02 PM

Well as I have only just joined as of today __ I,m searching for a long term relationship , Hope its out there !

Posted by: roo1962 at May 30, 2008 11:53 AM

I agree with both lovemusik and decoratress.
Guys who are in their 40s & 50s who use the term "undecided" about children, but say they want someone between 30 & 45 are just having a 'lend' of us!
They really want a 30-35 year old but just don't want to appear too 'hopeful'.
They are usually the ones who "look and act much younger than their age" too!
However, I would suggest the third choice "don't want any more of my own, but yours are fine" should remain as an option.
No good "kissing" a guy who doesn't want to be involved with children.
He mightn't actually like children at all and maybe that's also a good option to add as well, so women/men know.

Also there are a lot of guys looking for Asian or Eastern European women. I think it would be a good idea if they had their own separate section, so they can find what they want and we (caucasian women - ?now an obsolete term?) don't waste time looking at them!

Also weight, I just skim past the blokes who state "slim, athletic, average". I'm not hugely overweight, but I could/should lose a few kilos.
But even if I did, at 50, after 5 pregnancies, I'm not going to look like a 25 year old!
So I guess blokes who are that specific aren't looking for someone like me!
Which is fine, but I think that age, weight and children should be the first 3 criteria. And in the headline!
Would be easier to sort the wheat from the chaff then!
Just a few thoughts!

Posted by: amberlight58 at May 30, 2008 11:16 AM

I'm so glad for this blog. Finally I have an opportunity to winge about something that's annoyed me for so long. And it's this.

Regarding: DO YOU WANT CHILDREN?

For this question, RSVP currently has four possible replies for people who don't want children. They can select either of the following:

Don't want amy (more) of my own ask me about yours.
Don't want any (more) of my own but yours are fine.
Don't want any (more) of my own or anyone else's.
Undecided.

Because I don't have any children and don't want to have any in the future, I'm looking for a man who doesn't want to have children with me. It annoys me that I have to do all four searches to find potential partners.

I would have preferred RSVP had only two choices:

1. Don't want any (more) of my own.
2. Want (more) of my own.

I really loathe the UNDECIDED choice. So many men choose this option and it's annoying. I guess for their sake you have to have this category, but personally I wish there wasn't such a choice.

Posted by: lovemuzik at May 30, 2008 10:34 AM

I'm searching for honesty... but weary of sifting through the dishonest to locate it.

Posted by: decoratress at May 30, 2008 10:01 AM