RSVP Blog

I think if anyone puts on their profile that they are looking for someone more than 20 years younger than themselves it makes people think they aren't really looking for a relationship and the nutters and/or players will be attracted. Worth thinking about.....

Posted by: woodnwine at May 27, 2008 8:06 AM

Selene, I think you are playing with fire if you are looking for 30 year olds on this website. You will get contacts of all ages, but you will get very young men down to about the age of 20 looking for an older woman. I'm pretty sure they are not looking for a long term relationship, more the kept toy boy relationship I would think. Tread very carefully and keep your wits about you or you could get very hurt.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 27, 2008 6:00 AM

Selene, nothing wrong with your profile or your age for that matter. Like Lonelyheart I'd question if he was much younger as you do state an age preference from 30yo and that's 22yrs younger than yourself. Not that there's anything wrong with it but you'd have to expect that some will contact you out of curiosity. Just the nature of the beast so to speak.Hang in there and I'm sure you'll meet a lovely "young" man yet. Good luck......"G" .

Posted by: amdoingit at May 26, 2008 10:53 PM

Hi Selene, sorry you got messed around.Wished you lived in Sth Aust.
Chas.

Posted by: chas56 at May 26, 2008 10:45 PM

selene2 at 9:38pm: I looked at your profile and thought "She is gorgeous to look at (men are so visual) and I also love what she has to say. Exactly my kind of perfect partner. I wish she was about 58 to 66, and I'd be hot on her trail."

But you're only 52, and that's really a bit too young, for a bloke still trying to decide whether he's 62 or 72. (Friends say one, birth certificate the other.)

Then I looked at your target age group - blokes from 30 to 50.

Sorry. The 30s are looking for 25 to 32 if they're fair dinkum, and the 50s are looking for 35 to 45, because they're not fair dinkum, just hopeful and illogical.

I guess you're trying to go for younger men because you're looking for a hat-peg, not a bell-rope.

Try changing to looking for 5 years under your age and 8 years older.

Posted by: timewarp1 at May 26, 2008 10:39 PM

Selene2: Gosh Selene, I think you just picked the wrong type of guy.
I had a look at your profile and I think you are very attractive.
Must say I have had problems with meeting guys with a too big of age gap though. It seems to create an issue. Was that guy much younger. That may have been a problem perhaps?
The age difference thing seems to create wacko personalities from younger guys, so they end up making the older woman look wacko.
I wouldnt just give up yet if I was you. I have found a few nice profiles on the blogs.

Posted by: lonelyheart44 at May 26, 2008 10:27 PM

Lonelyheart
Maybe there is intuition involved in your post below, maybe its something else, like possible life experience, enough for your friend to insist he sleeps on the couch, but not enough for your friend to pick that his mind was conflicted about what he was trying to achieve.
On the other hand, it is possible, that your friend was being deceived by this bloke, who may have had another partner somewhere, may have had something of a reconciliation with an ex, or any number of things.
To understand what he was thinking, one would need to know some of the things going through his mind, or be of the same personality type maybe?

Posted by: virgil at May 26, 2008 9:49 PM

Intuition is all well and good, but sometimes the basic nature of the other party just doesn't show through. I met a guy who seemed terrific. We had a great meal and drinks and talked for hours that evening. I made no secret of my age etc etc - it's hard to get anyone to even talk to me because I'm so "old". (Not my choice of description) - why can't guys look at who I am and at least give you a chance? We agreed to get in touvh later. As a result, when I did contact him later I was accused of being a stalker - to say I was offended is being mild. Now I'm finding I can't get anyone to even take me up on a chance meeting - why is that - has he 'spread the word' makes me seem paranoid, or is my intuition just going into overdrive? Begining to think I need to leave RSVP because it's not working. I wish you could be taken at face value.... maybe I should change my handle to "Passed the Used By Date".

Posted by: selene2 at May 26, 2008 9:38 PM

Firelightlady; you're right about her getting played. He played hard. But makes me wonder what made him come undone, and give up.
Could it have been an attack of the conscience, he may have had one?
You wondered why she persisted in expecting project assistance when she suspected him of being a flake?
I guess she became desperate, and part denial. She was trying not to over react in case she had it wrong. A case of paranoia perhaps?
Time had passed by, wasted important time was used up. Where was she going to go now kind of thing.
He sort of ended up holding a position of power at that time. Maybe that's what he set out to do, and gets a kick out of doing that kind of stuff.

Posted by: lonelyheart44 at May 26, 2008 9:25 PM

Lonelyheart,sorry to hear your friend got messed around by that "con man".He must have been a very sweet talker or your friend was very lonely and vulnerable or both.I reckon she should have called it quits when he was on with someone else from RSVP and when he rambled on about some girl in the US.
Virgil, Last Melbourne premiership was 1964.Go port.
Chas.

Posted by: chas56 at May 26, 2008 9:02 PM

My intuition is quite good but so is my diplomacy.

Posted by: woodnwine at May 26, 2008 7:40 PM

Lonelyheart - I imagine your friend was new to RSVP and simply got 'played', he didn't follow up on a single thing and was obviously using the ploy of the moment for cot time (which didn't work with your friend but may have worked with others!). It may have only lasted three weeks for your friend but she obviously had good intuition, I have to wonder why she persisted in expecting project assistance when the guy was a flake but such is life.

Women also do similar things. One co-worker in the staff room was boasting of dining out 5 nights a week and never paying once... she has between 2-4 RSVP, Lavalife and other singles at any one time.

I don't think your average man would have a better idea of this guy's behaviour, he just sounds like an oxygen thief in anyone's appraisal on these bare lines...

Posted by: firelightlady at May 26, 2008 7:29 PM

On blog topic: Acting on (Intuition).

When a friend first joined RSVP she met a guy in the south of her state who was a new comer from interstate. Her first impression of him was nice guy but something does not sound right. (Intuition?) He didn�t come across as relationship material but he kept on saying that�s all he was looking for.

After their first date she felt distance would be a problem with getting to know him, so he agreed and they did not plan to date again. One week later he calls and says he is missing her. They chat, and he�s having some problems. He says that he needed a friend. He appreciates her friendship, and doesn�t reply to a text from her later. Turns out he had started seeing another RSVPer.

Three weeks passed by, and he calls her up with a great offer to help her out on a big project because he was in the position to assist. This all seemed too good to be true, they had only met once. Something felt odd (Intuition?)

First thing that ended up going screwy over the offer was the date to when he could start participating in the project, and that changed. He all of a sudden needs to travel back home, interstate, for work reasons. That would take two weeks. He asks if he could stay at her place for a couple of nights before he catches the boat. While there he tries getting cosy with her, but all along talking about a girl in America, and how he was looking into applying for a Green card.

However he starts talking to her about moving into her home town to live with her, while at the same time making promises to do great things to help her out. All she could think was how this guy had proved nothing to her, and this could be a ploy to get her into bed. (Intuition?) He slept on the couch.

He calls her day and night when he gets back to his home state, and tells her of how much he is missing her, he is also in love with her, he wants to live with her, help her out on her project, and even if she ended up just wanting to be friends he would still help her out on her project. He says that he is no longer going to have his profile visible on RSVP, and says there and then while they speak that he is changing settings to hide it. Also he tells her of all the people he knows and how he is telling them about her, and showing her picture to everyone, and introduces her as his girl.

She tells him that he�s great, but she couldn�t promise that she could get in to a serious relationship with him straight away; she still felt they needed time to get to know each other. Getting intimate with him without being sure of whether they were going to be more than friends, would ruin a friendship. He went cool over the phone at that moment, something didn�t feel right (Intuition?)

That night she sent him an email to explain it better to him, and let him know how much she cared. The next day she sent a text to him to wish him a good day. She got no reply from either text or email, so after a couple of days she tries calling his mobile to find it was disconnected. She then sends him a couple of emails asking what�s going on. She also discovers that his profile is not hidden on RSVP, but he is also online for chat. A few days had passed since their last contact. He calls, and says he didn�t even know he had a disconnected mobile, but thought some one had blocked his mobile and emails because he was trying to get a Green card? Ummmmm, strange?????

So now he has to explain a few things that have come to light about the last few days. He has a work mobile and he tells her he will call her. When they finally talk, he says he is confused and is thinking about the USA, and is not sure whether he can help her in time, or when he will be coming back. He advises her to do whatever she has to survive. Her question to him is; �can you be honest, you sound like you have changed your mind about helping?�(Intuition?)
The answer from him is; �I am a good guy, but I think you better do other things to sort out your problems�.

Conclusion. It took her three weeks to find out this guy was just a joke, and lucky for her, her intuition was working very well because she found out that he wasn�t the full bob after all. But unfortunately the three weeks wasted on his so called support has caused her delays with solving the problems with the project, and now going ahead is more complicated, and will cost her a lot more than ever before.

Sooooooooo does anyone else see something in this that we don�t? Maybe you guys might have a better idea of what was going through this guys head, or was he just some kind of crack pot that likes to see a poor single mum struggle and suffer more than ever before because of the complications created with the delays that could have only been resolved with his support.

Posted by: lonelyheart44 at May 26, 2008 6:47 PM

Virgil, it's cyclic... Every team has their good run and then a lull while players change, etc, and they rebuild. Some take longer breaks than others but they all have their day. I'm not that one eyed that I can't say the opp deserved to win if they played better on the day. The Eagles had a good run but now it's someone else's turn.
Actually, I'm not even fanatical.. Was a Swans supporter when I still lived in Perth and just stuck with the same colours when I moved east. Was married to a fanatic (C/Wood) and was almost enough to drive me to drink. Only take a slight interest now and watch when I have nothing better to do.
Sorry but there you go. That's the truth..

Cheers..."G"

Posted by: amdoingit at May 26, 2008 6:45 PM

Not on topic but a question for you all..
I enquired recently why the speed dating had it's last age bracket at males 55 to 65 and females 49 to 55. Was told that they were catering to the demands of their members. I'd have thought that there was a place for women in their late 50's and even early 60's but seems not. A male friend of mine (58yo) who attended the last session is actually happy to find a woman his own age but when he registered wasn't asked his age preference. Interesting!!! Discriminatory if you ask me..What do you think???

Will be interesting to see if this gets posted. Could be interesting Karina and you may get some comments worth forwarding on to those who make the decisions!!

Cheers..."G"

Posted by: amdoingit at May 26, 2008 6:36 PM

Thank you Virgil..Did have a couple of names that I was toying with but have decided to leave it as is for now. Besides I doubt I'll be on this site for much longer. Have made some wonderful friends and don't need to remain here for those friendships to continue.
As for the dating side of things, I'm getting very disillusioned/frustrated with the players, married men, etc, that are so prevelant. Think I'm better off in the real world.

Cheers..."G"

Posted by: amdoingit at May 26, 2008 6:28 PM

Bill, it's Catalina Island. Went there when I was in LA a few years ago. Had a seminar on one of the Carnival Cruises so we went from Ca to Catalina, to Mexico and back to Ca so went the long way and took a few days all up but you can go from Long Beach (Ca) and I believe they have express ferries that take about an hour or just a bit over. Can do it as a day trip. Place is absolutely gorgeous. Am going to go back one dayand will stay over next time instead of doing the cruise. So much history...

Best I get to and do some searching so I can answer Bob's question.. Guess I'll find it on the google thing won't I??

Cheers "G"

Posted by: amdoingit at May 26, 2008 6:17 PM

I guess the pain we are feeling at the petrol pump at the moment means there is incentive for inventors to find an alternative to oil.

Posted by: virgil at May 26, 2008 5:42 PM

Virgil, sorry sweetheart but.."Go Pies".. :-))

Posted by: amdoingit at May 26, 2008 2:25 PM

amdoingit it is very good you havent changed your name, as it is a very good name.

It would be expected that Collingwood will win Saturday, but us Eagle supporters can still hope.

Posted by: virgil at May 26, 2008 5:34 PM

Yay Virgil, Go the Eagles......and the Baby Bombers of course. I am hopefully starting a new job shortly and will get tickets to all the Eagles home games......how popular will I be!!!

Posted by: iaminperth at May 26, 2008 4:16 PM

Virgil, sorry sweetheart but.."Go Pies".. :-))

Posted by: amdoingit at May 26, 2008 2:25 PM

Bob, no idea sorry. To be honest wasn't really on my mind at the time. Was more taken with the quaint little cars and didn't give the other a thought. . .. You do pose a good question though..
Need to do a few local deliveries in a minute but will see if I can find out when I get back.
Cheers..."G"

Posted by: amdoingit at May 26, 2008 2:22 PM

OG at 1.30pm: Electricity generation's going to be mainly nuclear, solar, wind and/or wave-powered, within a century or three (or a half-century), as coal becomes dearer, scarcer and scarier.

True - the nasty greenhouse CO.2 will still be produced from powerstations burning coal (or oil), but more easy to collect and trap it there, than coming out of millions of car exhausts.

G: What island? Where? Back to work.

Posted by: timewarp1 at May 26, 2008 2:09 PM

Virgil
Thanks Virgil for the warm welcome. I was wondering about where you were seeming you went quite for a few days. So pleased to see you here.
I have a whopper of a story to tell on here about Intuition, and because you know a bit about what is happening in my life, you will know exactly where I'm coming from.
I will get back on here soon to tell the story, just busy at the moment.
Soooooo will be back soon. At least I have the intro set up?

Posted by: lonelyheart44 at May 26, 2008 1:46 PM

lonelyheart,
Years back we had an oil shale colliery at Glenn Davis that produced oil from an oil rich shale. With the advent of new finds it closed because of the cost of producing it. It still was a natural resource though and finite. So no matter what man decides to produce it is going to entail the earths resources, unless of course it is solar, or magnetic field type of thing, which I do not think there is enough study and research into, oops nearly forgot fussion, but fussion seems to have been demonstrated and then called a fraud?

Kylie, don't panic, stay where you are,the virg seems to be back with renewed energy, sooner or later he will hop over your side of the fence. He does not seem to know that his drivelings about AFL to a lot of people is about as pleasant as watching manure dry, but it seems to be his choosen field of expertise so I suppose he has to have something in his (life?)

G, and a bloody big electricity bill, tell me is the local power generator coal or neuc. to get the clean air?
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at May 26, 2008 1:30 PM

Marcus and Stoic, l would imagine that anyone seeking higher office particularly in countries such as the U.S. and Britain would be fair game for assassination attempts or indeed attempts to destabilise...
One can only wonder what Al Gore would have been like as President of the U.S. ........................K

Posted by: auntykaz at May 26, 2008 1:26 PM

Lonelyheart

It is good to see you back here, and it is great to see your demonstrated courage, in the face of difficult circumstances and adversity.

Posted by: virgil at May 26, 2008 1:01 PM

Bill..spot on about the battery/electric cars. That's pretty much all they drive (with a few exceptions) on Cattalina Island. Bonus is clean, fresh air....."G"

Posted by: amdoingit at May 26, 2008 12:11 PM

Kylie

I dont care about your profile, but your comment about the Eagles is what some people describe as a front runner, that is supporting something while it is on top, then abandoning it when it goes through a reversal of fortunes.

The real supporters are the ones who each year, buy their seasons ticket, who go to cheer for their team in the rain, who support their team through years of adversity.

I dont mind the Eagles going through a rough patch, because we have known little but success making the finals nearly every year.

It give me admiration for the supporters of the Western Bulldogs, and maybe Melbourne who havent won a premiership since 1954 (not sure Melbourn'e last premiership.).

The people who attend Eagles games are the passionate ones, that pay dearly for the privilege to support their team, so I have little sympathy for those who think an afternoons entertainment is a once off at an Eagles game.

You will be able to see the Eagles like that when the new stadium opens in 2014 or 2015 or whenever.

Saturday night, the Eagles beat Adeaide, and hopefully can beat Collingwood next Saturday, but there will be passionate supporters on both sides, to whom its more than a game.

Posted by: virgil at May 26, 2008 11:23 AM

Stoic, Oldergent, Marcus, Timewarp. Thanks guys for the info on oil.
It seems that the info about decomposed matter seems to paint the picture of how oil came about.
I know this will sounds gross. But makes me wonder if all those ships sunk out at sea over the thousands of years with all the lost sailors etc could be a starting point for the new beginnings of the oil developing.
I guess if man can invent vats to produce diamonds to be as close as the real deal, then we can only hope that man can do the same for oil.
But then again, maybe its all about the almighty dollar. Producing man made oil, probably wouldnt fetch as much value as it is with the labour of discovering it?
Makes you wonder doesnt it?

Posted by: lonelyheart44 at May 26, 2008 10:40 AM

Over the last few days I have had my focus elsewhere, so tonight started reading the blog from latest to earliest.

Kyllie seems to have taken a lot of attention so I looked at her profile, I suppose I was mostly interested in her comment, that she would have liked to see an Eagles game while they were at their best.

That comment made me think of the Eagles at their inception, when it was fashionable to go to an Eagles game, like the races, where people paid little attention to what was going on, content to drink their chardonnay, and chat, then could say they went to a game.

Thankfully, those days are over, at the moment, and to go to an Eagles game at Subi, you just about need a seasons pass, with most of the ground capacity being pre sold, with about 300 to 500 tickets for sale each game.

Maybe you could go to a WAFL game? Certainly cheaper, but no snob appeal there, bummer.

Posted by: virgil at May 26, 2008 12:01 AM

Hey Virgil,
Perhaps a less black hearted soul would see that comment for what it was. At their peak the crowds would have been at capacity. The atsmosphere would have been electric. Chardonnay makes me puke as do snobs. But people who take effort to carefully peruse someones profile to find something to be mean and vile about really shit me. Having been to many gridirons games and basketball games from my 6 years living in the USA I can say that the most fun for me has been seeing the atmosphere. People watching on a grand scale fascinates me. As does the phenomene of behaviour on blogs.
G'day to you Virgil. Feel free to go take another potshot at something else in my profile.

Posted by: justmekylie at May 26, 2008 9:55 AM

lonelyheart44 at 10:39pm: I get a daily newsletter from USA about the all the energy industries worldwide. A few random points:

1) How oil is made is not known, but like artesian underground water, we are extracting it thousands of times faster than it is being produced. If it's still being produced at all.

Assume it's not - what we've got underground now is all we'll have, to supply us for the next thousand years plus. Without Armageddon.

2) How much of what's there has been discovered yet? Most of it, not counting the deep oceans.

3) What is happening to the demand for oil? On the up, and fast. China and India are building many more factories, needing trucks to cart stuff abound, and their populations are starting to buy cars in big numbers. And air conditioners.

Soon they'll want more oil than the USA. Same with South America, but not as soon.

4) What is happening to oil output? It has been declining for the last ten years. They are not finding new reserves and tapping them, as fast as the output of old wells is tailing off.

Brazil has fairly good untouched stocks, and Saudi Arabia. Other places it's soon going to be injecting steam sideways into underground rocks to extract heavier oil that's mainly bitumen.

5) What are oil-producing countries doing about their share of the take? Till the end of the 1960s, global oil companies could bully third-world countries into letting them pump oil for negligable royalties.

Now the exporting countries are getting a decent slice of the cake. Some, like President Chavez in Venezuela (my No 1 modern world hero) have nationalised their oil industries, and are using the profits to stamp out illiteracy, and give everyone free hospitalisation. The CIA tried to kidnap him a few years ago, but democracy prevailed.

Others like Dubai are squandering their cut on building the highest building in the world for ego's sake, and using vast quantities of oil every year on air-conditioning all the nation's buildings against the desert heat, with little attention to insulation, living underground, etc.

5) The oil companies are already scaling down. For the last 5 years they have been spending less on exploring for oil (nearly all found already, with airborne underground-looking radar) than on buying their shares back from the public, so that when they close down and wind up in 20-50 years, the insiders who still have shares will be very rich.

6) Oil is needed to make plastic, and as oil supplies reduce, less oil will be burned to make heat in car and ship engines and furnaces, and more will be made into plastic for our throwaway society.

I remember in the early 1950s taking my own reusable saucepan to the chinese takeaway to bring home our chicken chop suey in a string bag, while Mum cooked the rice herself.

6) Diesel engines can be adjusted to run on vegetable oil, and cars on alcohol from sugar cane, but rising world populations started this year to need more food than we can grow on existing tilled acreage. World food prices are rocketing this year, and food riots are expected soon in several countries.

So the land that could produce transport fuel will be soon be needed to grow human food, not fuel - and not grain to feed livestock.

It takes 10 tonnes of grain to produce the growth of animals that provide 1 tonne of meat. That's ten acres to feed as many meat-eating people as one acre would feed, if they went vegetarian. Lucky most Indians are still vegetarians.

7) Cars can run on gas, and there's more gas left than oil, but it's mainly being used for room heating in countries like Japan.

8) Petrol will probably be $2 a litre inside 3 months, and $3 a litre some time next year.

9) Petrol/electric hybrid cars are a red herring, like oohlala saying last week that Mr Svengali is Neurotic Earl, not Lurker.

Battery-electric is the go, charged at night when the power-stations have spare capacity. Result? 5% extra unemployment, because that's the number not needed when we change to electric cars that need no servicing, tuning or fuel-outlet servos, and last 20 years with minimal maintenance except changing tyres, brake discs and wiper blades.

10) Get ready to work from home,and get the bus to Coles or the beach.
the remaining few shares will be very rich.

Posted by: timewarp1 at May 26, 2008 4:06 AM

I think the concerns about Obama's safety are very real, and not conspiracy theory stuff. There has been wide comment on it and plenty of parallels drawn with Martin Luther King.
Unusually he has been given a confirmed presidential candidates security watch since he entered the Democratic race.
Hopefully we will see a truly democratic election and the farcical vote rigging disgrace in Florida that gave G W Bush his mandate will not be repeated.
Lonely.
Oil and coal, which are broadly the same thing at different stages, form from the remains of animals, perhaps mostly single celled, and plants, sinking to the bottom of oceans, lakes, swamps and rivers and being covered by sediment over millions of years. The oil we extract is as old as 300 + million years This organic sediment sinks and is gradually taken deeper by movement of the earths crust and resulting pressure and temperature with some complicated chemistry and movement in the rock layers change the matter into oil, gas and bitumen.
It is renewing all the time but it takes 10's or 100's of million years to produce. The bad news is that despite what the oil industry says significant new reserves are getting harder and harder to find even though exploration and extraction technology is improving. Unless the oil and gas is capped by solid rock it will have disappeared ages ago. So you have to drill through big time hard and deep rock to get it. The other serious issue is the amount of energy and C02 released which relates directly to carbon emissions, required for new extraction, makes the environmental aspects of marginal oil, and other hydrocarbons, like frozen hydrides, very dicey. America ran out of oil self sufficiency, ie became a net importer, in about 1970.
There will always be oil and petrol but at a price. I can see the day when it would cost me $500 to fill my car v the $110 or so at the moment.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at May 26, 2008 1:34 AM

just Kylie at 8.32pm, Not many people would have picked that up. Indeed it was from the Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam, a Persian poet of the 12/13 century. Fitzgerald made about 5 versions of it adding and subtracting as his translation skill increased, no later translation came near the first for the beauty of the lyrical prose.

Lonely Heart,
I was taught that it was the residue of the Dinosaur age caused by the almost instant extinction of them, Coal was the vegetable matter carbonised over millenia, you get to see some of the most spectacular fossilised relics in the coal mines, I have seen one piece of a fern leaf that was 10 feet across to the stem, a 20ft fern leaf. Unfortunately once it is gone there will be no production of them again, it took countless millions of years to produce, the earth has not the resourses left in the scale required..

Perth,
you are right about the supermarkets, I witnessed one case of the dishonesty of the big ones, at the shopping centre at a major city I seen the staff stacking the produce that was within a day of the expiry in boxes, nothing wrong with that till one of them ripped the top off the box and wrote KK on it and placed it on the pallet. The next morning I happened to be shopping in the low end offspring of the giant and lo there was the pallet with the KK sign on it, and to rub salt in to the wound it had gone up in price in the overnight repackaging and rebranding, so if your lucky enough to have a farmers market go for it.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at May 26, 2008 12:14 AM

Over the last few days I have had my focus elsewhere, so tonight started reading the blog from latest to earliest.

Kyllie seems to have taken a lot of attention so I looked at her profile, I suppose I was mostly interested in her comment, that she would have liked to see an Eagles game while they were at their best.

That comment made me think of the Eagles at their inception, when it was fashionable to go to an Eagles game, like the races, where people paid little attention to what was going on, content to drink their chardonnay, and chat, then could say they went to a game.

Thankfully, those days are over, at the moment, and to go to an Eagles game at Subi, you just about need a seasons pass, with most of the ground capacity being pre sold, with about 300 to 500 tickets for sale each game.

Maybe you could go to a WAFL game? Certainly cheaper, but no snob appeal there, bummer.

Posted by: virgil at May 26, 2008 12:01 AM

No I haven't Perth. I don't get out to Subi much any more.

When in a hurry I will just grab the stuff from Woolies or wherever but usually I will stop past a dedicated fruit and veg store - for the reasons you cite.

Posted by: stoic at May 25, 2008 11:12 PM

Lonelyheart - The short answer of where oil comes from is:

Oil and gas were formed by the anaerobic decay of organic material in conditions of increased temperature and pressure.

Also copied straight from a website:

Oil has formed throughout much of the Earth's history, in fact, oil is being formed in some parts of the Earth today. Almost all oil and gas comes from tiny decayed plants, algae, and bacteria. At certain times in the Earth's history conditions for oil formation have been particularly favourable. Oil from the North Sea is mainly found in rocks that formed during the Jurassic period - about 150 million years ago, long before people appeared on Earth.

During this time the seas and swampy areas were rich in microscopic plants and animals.

When these died they slowly sank to the bottom forming thick layers of organic material. This in turn became covered in layers of mud that trapped the organic material.

Posted by: stoic at May 25, 2008 11:06 PM

Hi Stoic, Do you ever go to Subi market on the weekend. We go every weekend and stock up on fresh produce. We have beautiful plums and watermelon, really good veges and about half the price of the supermarkets. The service thru the checkout is very efficient quick. We also get goods from Angry Almond and they are just the best, again great service, really good prices. I think people should start making a stand against the majors and not accepting the rubbish and the ridiculous prices they charge.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 25, 2008 10:41 PM

Could someone give us a bit of info about the earths production of oil.
Maybe you could answer this one Marcus?
Sooooo within the earth, oil has been produced, but how is it made by the earth, and how long did it take to build up in pockets?
Also if we are getting low in certain parts within the earth for oil, would the earth produce it again, and is it an ongoing part of the earths creation?

Posted by: lonelyheart44 at May 25, 2008 10:39 PM

Funny that, Perth. My intuition tells me the same thing after I've had a few :)

Posted by: stoic at May 25, 2008 10:31 PM

Cooked some squid with chilli and sugar snap peas for dinner tonight, couple of glasses of wine to go with and my intuition tells me I feel pretty good. I have an early start in the morning 6a.m. so want to get to sleep fairly early otherwise I feel like crashing about 2 o-clock. Went to the markets this morning and bought lots of lovely fresh fruit and veges. What an incredible difference in price and quality from the supermarkets. I think everyone should boycott the supermarkets and make them life their game with fresh produce.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 25, 2008 10:15 PM

And as for oil. We have been told we are running out of oil for the past 30 years and we still have billions of barrels left in the ground. We are not running out any time soon. The Chinese National Offshore Oil Company alone has tens of billions of dollars invested in offshore exploration - and that is just off our coast. We have not even begun to tap true deep sea reserves. Most drilling is still done on continental shelves because it is not economically viable to go deeper yet.

As the more shallow fields become depleted and the price of oil increases, it may become worth the cost to go deeper. At the same time, alternatives will become more viable as well (and it will be the oil companies who develop and promote these alternatives).

If you want that to happen sooner rather than later, start using more oil now.

Posted by: stoic at May 25, 2008 9:44 PM

Marcus.....can you help me out and write something I might be able to understand/make sense of??? Baffling with bulls**t is boring now......
Cheers,
B.

Posted by: bm1960 at May 25, 2008 9:33 PM

There are no good candidates for the US this election. McCain is the least bad of the three bad candidates that have a chance of winning.

Obama is running on the Cult of Personality. Empty rhetoric with no substance - especially on the economy and with an out of control debt nearing some 10 trillion dollars, fiscal responsibility is needed above all else.

And sorry to disappoint all the ghouls desperate for Obama to be assassinated so they can say "See? Americans are racist", the only talk about his assassination is coming from his own supporters about how he is going to be assassinated.

Nobody else is saying anything like that. You want assassination talk, go look at websites like Daily Kos and The Huffington Post. All the assassination talk is directed towards Bush. Bush has survived incoherent levels of hatred, Obama will survive those who didn't vote for him. Except for maybe one....

Witnessing what has gone on this election period, I think Clinton is an absolutely reprehensible character who must be using every ounce off her strength to refrain from shouting on national television "How DARE that uppity nigger try to usurp MY rightful place as President" - especially after she "graciously" offered Obama the VP spot when he was way out in front in the primaries. What's the matter, Clinton? Afraid that Obama is going to show minorities that they don't need to be indebted to and don't need your charity to be successful?

I have lost count of the number of campaign staff that have been fired after some shady and underhanded attack on Obama has been traced back to the Clinton campaign - and who will no doubt continue to be fired after future attacks on Obama fail.

McCain has had to endure attacks from within his own party - the worst being Huckabee and his trying to paint McCain as fiscally irresponsible for having the sense to vote against the tax cuts since they didn't come with corresponding spending cuts, thereby not exacerbating the debt problem. McCain seemingly being the only candidate that gets this (apart from maybe Ron Paul, but with his disconcertingly poor renouncement of various Neo-Nazi groups his campaign support and his newsletters have been linked to, he is not worth considering)

Posted by: stoic at May 25, 2008 9:28 PM

Might set your red flags but the point of this discussion was that it didnt set any red flags for me. It should have and I was naive and foolish. No where have I denied that.

That poem is good advice. Although technically that was Fitgeralds paraphrase of OK circa 1800's from I can gather. Learn something new everyday.

Posted by: justmekylie at May 25, 2008 8:32 PM

Hi Marcus - I think the 'Dream team ticket' will get up, McCain has been largely marginalised (by a woman and a Black who would have thunk it?).

I agree about climate change, I believe that oil barrel prices will drive the environmental issues far further and quicker than has been previously attempted. That may be overdue economics rather than any philosophical or ecopractical imperative though.

As a migrant I find it utterly criminal that solar heating isn't mandated in Australia - sure it might be a struggle in the UK or Iceland (mind you they have that whole geothermic thing happening), and the UK weaned itself off coal and fuel oil with the strikes. What is the excuse here? And don't start me on water issues...

Scorpios - hmmm - interesting, also massive sceptics apparently... BTW it is Librans that I never get to meet, very photo judgemental... Give me the wicked Fire signs and interesting Air signs anytime (excepting Librans). Keep the Earth signs only as friends they like hearth and home way too much; Water signs I just can't decide about... some are very steamy some are just exhaustingly damp... Sorry is this all too mystical?
I was just throwing in some intuition.

Posted by: firelightlady at May 25, 2008 7:57 PM

The 'right' to freedom of expression? To seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media?
There are a lot of caveats on that right.
Vilification laws abound.
Another interesting curb on free speech and artisitic expression is being exercised by the NSW police's confiscation of work and the charging of artist Bill Henson over the photo exhibition of the pubescent girl.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at May 25, 2008 7:56 PM

Firelady, I have a post already lodged in answer to Marcus on the american way, but I bow to your more insightful post. I have never read that piece before but it sure resonates with me.
Thank you.
OG

Posted by: oldergent at May 25, 2008 7:54 PM

Thanks firelightlady and BM1960....from my few weeks on here, what you have said really resonates (unfortunately)!!

Please feel free to check out my profile, I've been very careful to not mention anything suggestive or "physical". I am very interested in someone who is interested in both my mind and personality and vice versa. I'm a bit afraid that my outward appearance could initally attract the opposite...

They would soon find out otherwise! LOL

Cheers, Helen

Posted by: symbiosis66 at May 25, 2008 7:53 PM

Come on Firelady, ole seegar smokin Bill is going to be hanging around yo all.

Marcus in your dreams,you really expect who ever wins is going to have the money to fight the election, and that is what wins over there, also it is a big big ask for the yanks to change their ways, all that will happen when the rest of the worlds oil runs out is that they will uncap their wells for domestic use only.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at May 25, 2008 7:47 PM

Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression; this right includes freedom to hold opinions without interference and to seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media and regardless of frontiers.

Article 19 Universal declaration of Human Rights.

This would include freedom to say enough is enough!

OG - for a mutual friend;

They read good books, and quote, but never learn
A language other than the scream of rocket-burn.
Our straighter talk is drowned but ironclad:
Elections, money, empire, oil and Dad.

Circa 1980 Andrew Motion

Posted by: firelightlady at May 25, 2008 7:39 PM

Now come on are you really that blinkered to think it would have been better for me to have said nothing.
Posted by: justmekylie at May 25, 2008 10:47 AM

Seems you are the blinkered one - who got played for 6 years ??

Personally if I have a friend who never calls me from his home phone and never invites me to his house, well that would just set all the red flags waving, and it sure as heck wouldn't take me six years to figure it out.

Posted by: jenjen57 at May 25, 2008 7:21 PM

I would add that those who state they don't like drawn out emails and phone chats are probably only interested in meeting face to face to check out if there is a physical attraction.....your personality means nothing to them...be wary.
Weird....firelightlady....the comment about Scorpions...the only people I usually don't get on with are are just that....no scientific reason, but true.....
Cheers,
B.

Posted by: bm1960 at May 25, 2008 7:20 PM

Seems quite likely that both the Democrat candidates could neutralise each other and give the presidency to John McCain.
Obama is an impressive performer as far as machine politics goes but lightly credentialled policy wise. He also runs a high risk of being assasinated. Perhaps this is why Hillary is posturing to be VP?
Whoever wins has to start the generational change that will wean the US from it's 'oil addiction' and send the correct leadership message to others, including Australia on this. Reducing the rate of increase of demand for non renewable fuels is a key to many aspects of global security.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at May 25, 2008 7:16 PM

Firelady,
one for Kylie,
The moving finger writes and having written written moves on to write some more
nor all your piety or wit can lure it back
nor all your tears wash out half a line of it.
O K circa 1200 ad
Kylie it has happend you have been hung out to dry so put it down to experience, move on.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at May 25, 2008 7:05 PM

I participate in a messageboard for a rock band..The same thing happens there...off topic comments etc....but the best of it is that the off topic comments happen in a special forum that is called 'Non-Quo' Chat.....maybe RSVP could instigate a topic about whatever..(or as Seinfeld would say...about nothing...)....
If I could get into the blog about ideas for new topics, I would suggest this!!!
Cheers,
B.

Posted by: bm1960 at May 25, 2008 7:01 PM

Symbiosis
List 1 - Things I have observed that set my radar pinging;
- Someone who perpetually txts rather than phones, yes it is there for messaging that's not my point; those who only txt because they are afraid of being overheard.

- Someone who only talks to you in daylight hours and mainly during the week - either a vampire hunter (could be interesting) or there is someone at home, lkie a wife, or de facto.

- Anyone with a phone number embedded in their profile. They might also send you kisses however they will have their number on various different sites and won't have a clue who you are - it is the allsitescattergun approach. Be careful they may be expecting the Dominatrixy or MistressWhippy from Adultfriendfinder (no I am not on there, & I made the names up - lol)

- Profiles that are written totally in rhyme or only in capitals; copper bottomed guarantee of an oddball in my experience.

- A personal profile with very limited personal information in the personal profile section i.e. height, build, children, status, star sign (missing zodiac signs - they are usually Scorpios - just an observation), Why be so cagey about how tall you are or what you do?

- Someone whose profile includes the word Bitch out of context e.g. I own an German Shepherd bitch is fine, my ex is a total bitch is not! She may be, he isn't dealing with it.

- Short about myself sections are not a bad thing some times writing about oneself isn't easy, the short ones often have more photos.

Good luck, those of some of mine ; - ))

WB - My intuition tells me that either of the putative presidential winners is going to be a big shake up for the ole US of A, and that the White House staffers will be safe working after hours with Hillary...

Posted by: firelightlady at May 25, 2008 6:53 PM

How would you link the American election to intuition, Firelight?

Posted by: waterbombe at May 25, 2008 6:05 PM

Yay! the American election and it's dearth so far of the usual middle-aged white males...tho at this stage I (personally) believe anyone would be better than finger over the red button Bush.

Back on intuition....this is mostly directed at the other women: I think my intuition is *pretty good*, but being new on here, I'm concerned about what signs I should be aware of when meeting a man for the first time? Have I missed anything other than shifty body language? Or saying contradictory things? Being evasive about "difficult" questions�.. Any hints please for myself and other women who may read this blog? I really think this is an issue for women who are new to this.

Cheers, Symbiosis

Posted by: symbiosis66 at May 25, 2008 5:45 PM

Except firelightlady that would be against the posting rules...ie off topic.

Posted by: justmekylie at May 25, 2008 5:41 PM

This was a simple excursion into the life of blogging and making a comment about how sucky my intuition was and for so long. It has turned into some feeling the need to defame and flame and stir the pot. People asked, people accused, I simply and assertively stood my ground and responded to the accusations.

And SYmbiosis, yes this is exactly what this forum is for, to discuss and put forward oppinions. I am a newbie. I made a comment. It was others that made it into a gripe/obsession. I merely repsonded to the comments.

And I would be very careful perth of accusing others of lies. Interesting legal cases out there in the real world delving into this very thing.

Posted by: justmekylie at May 25, 2008 5:39 PM

Thank you Symbiosis.
Move on and drop it WB.

Six months or six years - It's a blog, not a support group. If it was six months it wouldn't get this much blog time!

Hey what about that American election - now there's something worth talking about. lol

Posted by: firelightlady at May 25, 2008 5:26 PM

Personally, I can't figure this one out, Kylie. This guy sounds like a whacko...he sounds really twisted in some ways. I feel sorry for his wife. But on the other hand, as far as you are concerned, 6 years is a very long time to be constantly duped...if this had happpened in 6 months I think people's reactions to you would have been far more sympathetic. I think it's probably too difficult on a blog to convey all the detail you need to convey in order to be understood .

Posted by: waterbombe at May 25, 2008 5:04 PM

Kylie, yes that is true and I haven't been for a few days....

I also think that what istj54 at May 25, 2008 3:50 PM wrote is very true, especially the last para.

Maybe I'm wrong, but isn't this forum for anyone who wishes to put forward an opinion or tell of their experiences for the betterment/entertainment of all? Isn't it off-putting, especially for newbies, if a topic is hijacked by a personal gripe/obsession that sounds very suitable for a one-on-one with a psychologist.

Just something to think about....

Cheers, Symbiosis

Posted by: symbiosis66 at May 25, 2008 5:01 PM

I intuit that this blog is spending way way to much time on Justmekylie and her various, supporters, detractors and it's sad, and a little boring - I for one have had enough - NEXT!

Marcus must have some anti-intuition rant or did I miss it?

Tryohboy fantasies or swinging doors perhaps?

Timewarp some poetry, even bad poetry?

OG an old expression we haven't heard or how intuition improves as eyesight diminishes???

Even some contentious groinfruit remark - lol! Moving on...

Posted by: firelightlady at May 25, 2008 4:58 PM

Kylie, Don't you get it, it's none of your business, leave the poor wife alone to sort out her own life. It's none of your business stop making trouble !!! Get a life, stop telling lies!!!!

Posted by: iaminperth at May 25, 2008 4:49 PM

I do think a lot before making any comments and I think the wife may have been right when she thought there was a nutter on the phone because there apparently was. You need to leave this alone and get on with your life, I would say you have done a lot of damage this far.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 25, 2008 4:47 PM

symbiosis, you always have the choice of not reading. Oui?

Posted by: justmekylie at May 25, 2008 4:40 PM

iaminperth...i truly hope she doesnt ignore everything I said and still think there is a nutter out there stalking her husband. You dont think too much before you make comments do you.

Posted by: justmekylie at May 25, 2008 4:10 PM

Posted by: istj54 at May 25, 2008 3:50 PM

Most sensible comment I have heard.

Yes my intuition sucked in this instance. Fully admitted owned up to etc. Perhaps my mistake was to say I told the wife about it.
Yes I know now I was just a sounding board for his sick fantasies. Still dont believe I was way out of line in telling his wife.

Posted by: justmekylie at May 25, 2008 4:06 PM

I think this topic should be renamed:

Kylie...how good is her sob story of *friendship* gone wrong?

This is getting a bit tedious, non?

Posted by: symbiosis66 at May 25, 2008 3:57 PM

Kylie...my intuition tells me that yours was way wrong here about your friend, and way out of line...it was never for you to tell his wife that he had a friend without benefits on the side...from his point of view you were just a sounding board for his sick fantasies to play out, not a friend...heartbreaking, but true...his wife most likely already knew he was deficient in many areas and chose to be with him anyways...lots of wives do, you know?
You need to move on and forget about what he has done with you...and he has obviously played around with your head for six long years...he sounds like one sick puppy...you may well need some guidance to move past this...but telling his wife was not it.

Posted by: istj54 at May 25, 2008 3:50 PM

Perth...you have such a way of twisting things, its fascinating. Are you e ven capable of reading and actually comprehending what is said without putting your own bias to it.

No actually waterlilly....go back reread and see where i clearly stated he was making out I was a psycho on the other end of the line. Who the frig do you think his audience was. Its not rocket science you know. I would have assumed that his little act would have told even the simplest mind that there was someone he needed to do his little bullshit performance for.

And calling this whining is just to detract from the fact you cant read nor admit error.

Posted by: justmekylie at May 25, 2008 3:44 PM

So Kylie you only told the wife or ex wife to stop her thinking there was a nutter on the phone calling her husband. Let's hope she still thinks there was just a nutter on the phone and ignored everything you said. I think you should stop now as the story is getting worse by the second with more twists and turns than a badly written soap opera. It seems to me you live in a world of make believe and drama and I would suggest you move out of it very quickly or you could do a lot of damage to yourself and anyone around you.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 25, 2008 1:49 PM

NOW lay off and realise none of you have enough facts to make a judgement either way. Posted by: justmekylie at May 24, 2008 10:12 PM

Kylie, we were 'speaking' on the 'facts' as you, yourself, presented them. If you don't care for our opinions, then perhaps you should cease whining away here on the blogs.

Posted by: waterlily58 at May 25, 2008 12:19 PM

Posted by: iaminperth at May 24, 2008 8:15 PM

Well said!

Is going to the wife a way of hurting someone else as much as you have already hurt yourself?

Posted by: waterlily58 at May 25, 2008 12:12 PM

Oh and iaminperth just in case you havent been able to comprehend what I have just written, it was exactly becuase his wife was an innocent party that I called.

Posted by: justmekylie at May 25, 2008 11:35 AM

Perhaps JenJen you overlooked the fact that when I called his house to talk to him initially, his wife (unknown to even exist) was within hearing distance and listening to his end of the conversation which sounded as if he was dealing with a threatening and psychotic obsessive stalker. Now how reassuring do you think it would be to think there was that sort of person harrassing you and your husband. Which is worse...an obsessive stalker or a unknown friend.
I told her we were friends and had been for 6 years. I told her how we met and the level of our contact. I also told her I had no idea he was married and I told her the stories he had told me about his personel life. I reassured her I was not a psycho who was going to make their life hell. That I am a very ordinary person who thought she had a good friend.
I could not sit back and allow another woman to be lied to and filled full of bullshit. And the evidence suggests he has done this before. Which is better for her. Knwoing the truth or the bullshit and scary story he tried to make out.
Can you imagine what it must be like to think your husband has an obsessed stalker after him, every phone call, every knock on the door, even going outside to check the mail would be something to be worried about.

And I know I wasnt the other woman........but he had an emotional attachment to me that stole from his marriage. WHile he was chatting and sweet talking me where do you think his wife was?
Now come on are you really that blinkered to think it would have been better for me to have said nothing.

Its a very common phenomena that people often shoot the messenger.

Posted by: justmekylie at May 25, 2008 10:47 AM

MWAH, I love you too Marcus xo

Posted by: lonelyheart44 at May 25, 2008 8:52 AM

He told me heaps of personel stuff,. Exceptionally personel stuff. He sent me very personel photos if you know what I mean. Trouble was it was all made up. And didnt leave any trace of a wife and kids in there anywhere. He was a 46 yr old divorced man who had been sexually abused by his first wife, he had rectal cancer, he deeply wanted to be a father but realised he never would be, he was too scarred and damaged to ever be in a relationship, the older he got the less he missed sex and was just content not to be sworn at, have frying pans whack him upside the head in his sleep, and a myriad of other things. My frinedship in his words was the only place in his life where he didnt feel abused, ridiculed, bullied, etc etc etc. He was a self confessed workaholic who often pulled all nighters to meet deadlines. He had no life other than work and my friendship. Should I keep going? We exchanged emails daily, some times up to 20 in a day. Every hour of the day or night. As well as coffees on occasions and sms and phone calls.

The call was not over jealousy. It was not to destroy him or her. If I really wanted to destroy him I have ample evidence to ruin his career based on his disloyal and libelous emails about his superiors.
All I can say is there was overwhelming evidence he has done this whole secret emotional affair bullshit before.

NOW lay off and realise none of you have enough facts to make a judgement either way.

Posted by: justmekylie at May 24, 2008 10:12 PM

Kylie of course married men should not invite emotional devastation into the marriage. But in this case, he avoided sleeping with you and from what you have said it seems he was determined to keep things on a friends only basis.

That being the case, why on earth would yopu deliberately upset his wife, a completely innocent third party, by calling her and telling her about your friendship with her husband. If a woman I didnt know valled me to tell me she was a friend of my husbands and not being honest with me or her, I wopuld be very distressed and wonder if there was more than "just friends" going on. For whatever reason, he preferred to keep his friendship with you separate from his home life, but not because you were "the other woman".

We are all entitled to have friendships with other people of both sexes and not all these friendships are close social ones involving our families. I honestly cannot understand why you did what you did.

Posted by: jenjen57 at May 24, 2008 9:55 PM

You're not reading what I said, I have no sympathy for either of the cheating people, this is not about sympathy. My question was what gives a girlfriend the right to take the details of the sordid affair to the man's wife.
The wife is the innocent party....why don't you get that ? The comments can be linked to the profile easily, mine is displayed and you have had a look quite often Kylie so don't know what you are talking about there either.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 24, 2008 9:39 PM

Well fair enough Perth, but would you say the same thing about the married bloke? He has done that too...stolen from the marriage. Each is as culpable as the other I think. I was divorced when I was 35 and I have lost count of the number of married men who propositioned me...I think there would have been enough to sink an ocean liner though...some were fathers of kids in my children's classes at school...quelle horreur...apparently about 70% of Australian men are unfaithful....makes you think, doesn't it. Lots of this kind of thing goes on.

Oh no, now we'll have Marcus back saying I told you so and the TAFEs ought to run Be-Prepared courses for us all like the Scouts do. Ok, I'll face reality but lets make it a dual qualification...Cert IV in Being Prepared for Infidelity and Paternity Fraud. Or the unis could offer Bachelors degrees - a B. BPFI. and B. FOYANRD (Finding Out You Are Not Really Daddy). The unis like those longer degree names.

Posted by: waterbombe at May 24, 2008 9:23 PM

Only thing you are neglecting iaminperth is to mention the husband. Perhaps your wrath would be better placed on why married men feel it ok to invite this kind of emotional and financial devastation into the marriage in the first place. I have sympathy for the wives and those women who did not know they were indeed the 'other woman'. For those who did know and yet still engage....no sympathy whatsoever. I believe what goes around comes around.

You know what would be a good idea...a link on each profile "Read this persons blog comments".

Kind of interesting to see how the profile matches up with behaviour displayed on here.

Posted by: justmekylie at May 24, 2008 9:19 PM

But Kylie, you were not this blokes girlfriend, you were was just a friend...I have just read thru all the posts and I still don't get why Kylie would call up the wife???

You have stated that you are just friends!!!

That is a really cruel thing to do...as you were only aquaintainces, no social events, no trips away, no common friends outside work, only chatting and coffee from the sounds of it, while at work or during work hours.

Kylie, You have opened a can of worms in that other family, and you had no right to do that. Soo cruel when there is really no basis.
You said that in the beginning there was a bit more but no sex.....obviously he stopped going further for a reason, he realised he was making a mistake and just remained friends.

I have a couple of male friends, who are also across my dating, life and stuff, we do coffee and lunches, sometimes drinks. They give me a male perspective on men issues, plus we talk work as we are in the same industry.
I do not call them on home phones, only on work mobiles during business hours, and never on weekends. I am sure they don't tell thier wives about me and my stuff ...as I am just a friend...nothing more!!!

I don't blame him for changing his number, you are destroying his home life and for what...you are not a girlfriend, mistress or lover...just a friend...and a true friend would not do what you did. If he never told you personal stuff, about the wife and kids, that shows you that he was not a true friend, but no need to possibly destroy his life, his wife and children, because of your jealousy!!!

I don't often agree with laughandtalks but I do this time......jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at May 24, 2008 9:14 PM

Ha ha Marcus...pretty story....great imagination...or are you describing your fears?

Posted by: waterbombe at May 24, 2008 8:31 PM

What I find terribly disturbing when hearing affairs with married men is that the girlfriend feels the need to confront or tell the wife. I cannot imagine how that would feel to be told that way and what right has the girlfriend to terrify and devastate another human being that way. The girlfriend is an extra in my opinion, she is stealing from the marriage, stealing emotion, affection, time and indeed finances from someone elses marriage. What is it in their heads that make this so right. and what right do they then have to devastate another human being with their foul behaviour. I have absolutely no sympathy, they know what they are doing, they're not that stupid and then try to justidy their mean spirited deceitful nature to garner sympathy.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 24, 2008 8:15 PM

Try harder Marcus.

Posted by: justmekylie at May 24, 2008 8:14 PM

Where do some of these people get off indeed?
There is one bottom feeding olde catfishe of the blogge who can swallow a man in a single mouthful, spit out his testicles and then, tentacles a wriggling, detect a female slighted then offer critiscism, opinion or advice through 3 metres of muddy water. Best to completely ignore it.

The Kylie phenomenon. Surely enough blogging ink has been wasted on this dubiously credentialled attention seekers stunts? I quote from her profile: "Fun and down to earth lady with a great sense of humour and not anybodies fool". Nobodies fool? and she appears here looking for sympathy over a 6 year fantasy romance. Now getting fussed over because of claims about poor me with dyslexic kids.
Come on.
Cop u later Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at May 24, 2008 7:38 PM

Well if he was bald, BM, he probably had "hair issues" with a woman who could grow it on her face before she was 40! I mean, he can't even grow it on his head!!! I'm joking but honestly, where do some of these people get off? Best to completely ignore them (as I'm sure you did).

Posted by: waterbombe at May 24, 2008 5:54 PM

I read a profile a while ago where he stated he didn't want to hear from anyone over 40 and if they had any facial hair appearing before 40, don't contact either....He must be absolutely perfect eh?? I noticed recently he had removed that absurd comment from his profile....
I only looked at him cos he was an attractive looking bald male....seems he expects the same from his women!!!!
Cheers,
B.

Posted by: bm1960 at May 24, 2008 4:33 PM

Yes OG,
You are right. That is a nice way of looking at it. I guess we are all guilty of making assumptions about someone based on their looks.
I know, I find blokes who look a bit "rough around the edges" a bit scary, so I would never think of sending them a kiss, even thought I personally know blokes who look similar, whom I know to be really nice people.
I also find it quite amusing to read profiles that say "I don't judge a book by its cover" or similar, but then have a huge list of criteria in their ideal partner profile!
Criteria such as size in particular (some people even stipulate height as well as body size!), eye and hair colour, star sign, type of employment, even nationality!
I now look at the person's "wish list" first before I even bother reading their profile.
If I know I am nothing like their "wish list", it's a waste of time isn't it?

I also love the ones who list age between 18-100. I would imagine at 45-50 you are not looking for a 100 year old, so maybe an 18 yo is closer?
And the 50+ year olds who list their preferred age between 35-55, but are undecided whether they want more children. Well I haven't heard of too many 45+ year old women getting pregnant, so why don't they just say they want a 35 yo?

It all seems a bit too hard, sometimes!

Troy,
Your jibe didn't appear to be all that light-hearted to me, a bit of a sarcastic "put-down" actually.
Still if you say you were being jovial, then I can only believe you.
Thanks Troy, I am having a good day! Have been watching my kids play sport.

Posted by: amberlight58 at May 24, 2008 4:18 PM

Amber @ 12.28. I made a post a long time ago that there is no such thing as an ugly person, the trouble is that no one seems to spend enough time looking for something beautiful in that person, when they do find something in the whole "package" they can then overlook the other things, usually physical and let them pale into insignificance.

Posted by: oldergent at May 24, 2008 2:13 PM

Amber, you know very well I make my profile visible from time to time in order to counter the standard, "no visible profile ipso facto bottom feeder". Greg may choose to have his visible for blogging, good on him, however I have found one still receives lots of contact which I choose not to have.
I am certainly no 'flash model' myself and was having a lighthearted jibe in relation to your little analogy. I assure you I have an unpretentious sense of humour most especially in comparison to the coterie.
Have a nice day amber.

Troy

Posted by: troyohboy at May 24, 2008 1:34 PM

amberlight58; I dont disagree with you in regards to Gregos wording, it was quite cumbersome.
But if we just took his wording as a tactless expression then the same point he was meant to be getting across would not have been as offensive as some would have felt.
To highlight the positve point of the argument was really better than the wording.

justmekylie: If you had told a little more detail in your first post then no one would have questioned you as they did.
Sometimes clarity is the key to a positve response.
If you had given a little more detail of your story, the facts without the affect then your post could have been lengthy enough but compact enough to tell the full story.
No one normal would ever want to inflict any grief on a victim.
Your story now gives more reason to understand your delima. Especially for how difficult it would be having the quality time to get to date a guy with meaningful time to get to know them better.
I feel sorry for the way things are for you and can only wish that things will get better for you.
However your first post striked a nerve with me because of the lack of detail, and all I could see was the wife being the victim.
IBut the biggest thing you need to change is not to allow someone into your life, your time only. A good guy will let you into his life without hestitation, but if he doesnt, then give him a quick flick.
Dont let guys control you. Let them know by your actions that your the one doing the choosing, and not them.
Good luck with your search, a good compassionate guy is out there somewhere waiting for you to choose him.

Posted by: lonelyheart44 at May 24, 2008 1:32 PM

Posted by: lonelyheart44 at May 23, 2008 10:51 AM

You are right, lonelyheart, what you are looking for is what the majority of us are looking for. Acceptance and love.
Grego may say he didn't mean to sound partronising and insulting about women who are older, but he did.
Istj pointed out the words he used, and his actual use of the words "these units" when referring to women over fifty and his repeating the old misogynistic saying about stoking the fire while not looking at the mantelpiece, referring to having sex with a less than attractive woman, were not exactly dripping with his supposed 'nice guy' persona.
He may have found the most "beautiful woman in the world" who is 55, but I bet he didn't use those types of comments to woo her!
Troy,
Thanks for your thoughts. You can probably see my "soggy suspension" so you feel confident in giving such sage advice.
Unfortunately, I can't see if you're an old Commodore or a nice new Lamborghini, but it does appear as if it's not just the "coterie" of women who don't have any sense of humour!

Posted by: amberlight58 at May 24, 2008 12:28 PM

My children hav severe phonological dyslexia and have been recieving specialised literacy training from a speech pathologist for the last 2 years and are under the care of the leading expert for literacy here in WA. THey recieve small group sessions specifically for literacy in school for 2 hours every day. Had to take them to a private school for that cos the public ed system refused to believe anything was wrong with them other than bad parenting.They simply wouldnt believe the behaviours being displayed were only evident at school . I get people coming up to me while we're out congratulating me on having such beautifully behaved boys. Of course we all know that if they acknowledge a disability they are bound by legislation to provide equal access to the curriculum. I believe the Irlen method has no benefit for kids with phonological dyslexia. BUt thankyou firelightlady.

Thankyou too BM1960. Yes I know how I got into this situation and believe me I will never again be so foolish. I will be wise and guard my heart.

Posted by: justmekylie at May 24, 2008 9:57 AM

Justmekylie - my two kids (also myself, brother and 5/6 nephews) all have moderate to severe dyslexia in its various forms
.
If you haven't tried it the Irlen colour system can be great, and also UQ now have a program available for catching up with learning issues etc. It targets early diagnosis and asistance but also addresses older children ie 14+ who have slipped through the net. The Irlen colour system can be used at any age and I think originated in WA.
Good luck : -)

Ironically enough Dyslexia did not 'exist' in Queensland it wasn't recognised as a learning challenge at all!

Posted by: firelightlady at May 24, 2008 8:20 AM

Kylie, you have your hands full...and I can understand, to a degree, how you found yourself in that situation. I truly feel for you. I hope you pick yourself up, move on and embrace a positive attitude which will hopefully attract a like-minded person and you will find happiness. First step is to forget this whole shenanigans and speak, or think, no more about it...my opinion.
Cheers,
B.

Posted by: bm1960 at May 23, 2008 9:10 PM

Here's a thought.......................

if your intuition is wrong and you have been fooled and humiliated................then I hope you believe in kharma, and that he/she gets his/hers

Posted by: twoeyes at May 23, 2008 8:57 PM

Justmekylie - I believe I am in a similar position as your 'friend'. I have an answering service for professionals out of hours, and a home number for on call, as well as a paging service, work Blackberry and personal mobile - my kids will answer any of my phones if I am on call and are quite adept at relaying accurate information and have been for years. Boyfriends are a different matter as seduction can be a job of work with on-call, sometimes best not to go there... "yes I just have to get this now"..."I will be back in an hour can you wait?"..."Take a nap? Enjoy the quiet...")
In health one is always available, you KNOW that.

Never been to his house? Never met his friends? Or family?
Never really assessed the situation is what I am thinking... Six years ? NEXT!

Of course the problem I get is that I am too involved with work, have to leave events in an unplanned fashion, and like sex at the wrong times of day - why does it have to be dark? What is wrong with lunchtime if I suspect I won't be around most of the night? lol
Move on already, your intuition needs a workout!

Posted by: firelightlady at May 23, 2008 7:57 PM

Kylie, it sounds more like this guy was an 'aquaintance' - someone you ran across on a regular basis, because you perchance worked in the same complex and similar industry. As a consequence, or convenience, good manners, or seeking companionship, you have spent some time together on a regular basis, scoffing sandwiches and swapping mundanities about work and the world in general.

It does not appear that the hand of intimate, life long friendship was ever extended - you have not been invited to his home, into his social circle or at the very least been informed about his family and personal life. On this basis, in my opinion, this man offered you no more than 'aquaintance' or 'associate' access to his life.

Many, many people do this - workmates in the same building, comuters on the same train or bus, people who walk their dogs at the same time in the same place - and they cross paths regularly, smile nicely, chat inconsequentially and move on.

I can't see why you feel that you have been betrayed by this person. I come across lots of people every day, who know nothing at all about my personal life, and I want to keep it that way.

I would feel violated if anyone of my regular aquaintances chose to cross those aquaintance boundaries and intrude upon my personal life by contacting my family. I don't know what you hoped to achieve by ringing his wife.

Posted by: waterlily58 at May 23, 2008 7:55 PM

And yes I felt extremely betrayed. Mostly foolish.

Posted by: justmekylie at May 23, 2008 7:03 PM

Our friends circle do not cross paths.
I am not a doctor. My profession has little to do with the health department. I work with people in the community with acquired brain injuries. My dealings are with the Insurance commission. We have no work colleagues in common at all. He is upper echelon executive and I am a coal face hands on therapist.
I did not know or have any clue that he was married. Let alone in a relationship. And I would never mess with someone already attached as I have been the wife on the recieving end of just such a phone call.
WHy do you find it so hard to believe........you seem a bit defensive about insisting I must have been the 'scarlet' woman and known all along. All I can say is your intuition sucks cos you couldnt be further from the truth.

If I put every fact in the post it would be 5 pages long and people dont read those. I stated my intuition sucked, which was the relevant statement to make at the time. People jumped all over me so I explained further. And no I didnt do a lot of guessing. I asked loads of questions and got an elaborate web of made up tales and lies in return. THings that didnt gel were questioned, he had reasonable and beleivable answers for most things.

Yes AuntyKaz he played me for a fiddle.
No I have never been to his house. And no I didnt think anything odd about that. I am a single mum of 3 boys, 2 with severe dyslexia and no I dont get every second weekend free when they go to their dads.They dont go to their dads. I run my own practice. My me time is very far and inbetween. When I have it I go out. I have many friends that I havent been to their house.

Posted by: justmekylie at May 23, 2008 6:59 PM

So, let me get this straight...
Kylie, you had a friendship with a guy for 6 years and didn't know he was married.
When you found out he was married you told his wife that you existed.
As a friend.
Did you feel betrayed that your friend hadn't told his wife that you were a friend ?
Were you expecting more from your friendship with him after 6 years?.

You had never been to his house in all that time, despite saying that you were close??

Either he has played you like a fiddle, Kylie, or something is rotten in Denmark methinks..................K

Posted by: auntykaz at May 23, 2008 6:46 PM

Posted by: justmekylie at May 23, 2008 4:52 PM

This guy brings a new meaning to the terms cheating and dishonesty. It appears he has done it with other people as well as Kylie. I feel sorry for his wife though. greg

Posted by: grego7 at May 23, 2008 5:58 PM

Gosh justmekylie, wouldnt it be better that you put all the fact in your first post in the first place and let us know all the facts.
Maybe this is an example of your own situation with this guy. You accept little facts for yourself and expect everyone else to do the same?
However, no one likes to be left guessing. Seems like you MUST of done a lot of that?

Posted by: lonelyheart44 at May 23, 2008 5:36 PM

Come on Kylie, give us a break, of course you knew he was a married man, you just became obsessed and didn't care anyway. He's a health exec and you own a private practice and no friends said anything...pull the other leg, be honest now at least.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 23, 2008 5:12 PM

It was never a question of not ringing him at home. I have had his home number for years. He is a busy health executive, I am a busy owner of a private practice. Gave up trying to get hold of people on landlines years ago. I always use mobiles. I've rung his home number in the past to just get an answering service. I never thought for a minute he was hiding anything because why give me his address and home number if he was hiding anything. And I guess I am really naive and cant really imagine a man would risk everything for the sake of friendship or ego boost or whatever it was I was. I mean why bother.

Posted by: justmekylie at May 23, 2008 4:52 PM

What I still don't get, Kylie, is how come you didn't ring him at hime sometime in that 6 years? Wouldn't the fact that you couldn't ring him at home be a red flag?

Posted by: waterbombe at May 23, 2008 3:30 PM

lLonelyheart44 at May 23, 2008 10:51 AM

Thank you for your post and you summed up what I was getting at very succinctly.

I use a form of the words at the end of your post with my partner everyday. But I guess that I am lucky.My partner is one of the most beautiful 55 year old women in the world and I only had to stay on RSVP for a couple of months to find her. rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at May 23, 2008 2:25 PM

I only found out he had a partner 1 week befroe finidng out he had a wife.
21st April 2008 - he amits he has a partner at home.
27th April 2008 - i find out this 'partner' is in fact a wife and the mother of his 2 children.

I have ceased all contact with him.

Posted by: justmekylie at May 23, 2008 1:00 PM

Justmekylie, it seems you put a lot of time and effort into a guy for way too long after you found out he was a waste of time.
It would have been a lot more sensible to have disappeared from the onset of him having a partner.
Why you bothered to pursue anything from him even after you knew he wasnt genuine is beyond comprehension?
The fact that you knew he had a partner a long time before you knew he had a wife, you were holding on to a dream that wasnt your place to be.
He had chosen someone else above you. You gave this guy too much of your energy.
Maybe you need to think about that being a reason for you not successfully connecting with other guys you met?
From this experience, a lesson learnt perhaps?
You may choose next time to consider someone that involves you more into their life, rather than you letting them in your life only.
Takes two to Tango!

Posted by: lonelyheart44 at May 23, 2008 12:16 PM

And that was exactly what I thought we were, friends. I did move on and date other men. He encouraged me too as I encouraged him also. He heard all about my dating disasters and successes. I thought we were friends, good friends. Yes I have questioned whether any of my actions have been obsessive or could have been construed as such by him. My answer was no, there was just as much initiation of contact from him as there was from me. Yes it did occur to me that one of the reasons for his secrecy may have been he was afraid of me going ballistic and spoiling his cosy world. Except for the fact I have never gone ballistic over anything in my life and have never given him any cause to think I was even capable of this. There was ample opportunity for him to introduce her existence to me. Look , while I would have loved to have tried the whole relationship deal with him I knew that it would be a disaster but that didnt stop the dream ok. Above anything else I valued his friendship and did not want to ever lose that. In the week between finding out he had a partner and that this partner was in fact a wife we exchanged many emails. He was trying to keep my friendship and I was trying to let him see that he couldnt. I said to him he cant keep me secret from his partner because she will eventually find out and the longer it goes on the more hurt she will be from it. I said the other option of telling her will possibly mean the end of the relationship given her insecurities. I even told him that if I was him I would say goodbye to me. I told him I was willing to say goodbye out of respect for him and her and there relationship. He kept saying he really didint want to lose my friendship. Then he made out that he had just told her about me. Thats when I got sick of the bullshit and rang his house to talk to him properly. That phone call was horrendous. I am listening to his little performance and listening in complete silence feeling as if I am going to vomit as the full realisation of what really has been going on dawned on me. How long do you think it takes to put a block on a phone number or to get a new number which is exactly what he has done. IN the time I have known him he has had to change phone numbers d/t being supposedly harrassed by some woman. I called his wife before he had time to do damage control.

Posted by: justmekylie at May 23, 2008 11:19 AM

Regards to Grego7 posts:

I am 45 this year, and lucky enough to have the majority of the guys that I have met think I look at times in my early thirties.
However there was a time when I went out with a couple of guys that were in their late twenties.
It should have been a flattering moment, but instead it was an occasion for me to take a look at myself, and I felt nothing but insecurity.
The insecurity came from what I thought they may think of me if they were to see me with my clothes off.
Would I be judged by the fact that my breasts no longer looked like a twenty year old that had never had children, or the frown lines on my face may be more obvious to a younger guy?
The only way I could have ever felt comfortable about myself would have been, if the guy said to me that he wanted to be with me because of my mind, and not my body, or not just because of my looks.
So what I see in Gregos'posts is; He is seeking a woman with a mind, her character, her personality, her intelligence.
Is not that better than some of these guys these days that are seeking the much younger woman because they are seeking the outer appeal, because they are shallow?
I remember a story on a current affair programme years ago, where a 40 odd year old was in a relationship with a woman that was in her late seventies.
Although at the time I found that quite confusing, it did teach me something.
Some people just dont care about peoples looks no more, and love the person within.
This man loved her for who she was, and not for how she looked.
It would be really nice to know that we could meet a group of people that were seeking the person and not be judged for the body works.
How much more comfortable that would be putting ourselves out there in the dating world.
Only a few accept the deterioration of age, and consider it for partnership. Unfortunately some just wont even except it within themselves, so they wont consider their own age group, but rather end up making themselves look like idiots by going for the much younger.
As for me, I'm for the comfort zone, only guys of my own age group, and they are most likely to accept my own imperfections, and I accept theirs, but I would still like to hear those words. "I love you for who you are, and not for the way you look".

Posted by: lonelyheart44 at May 23, 2008 10:51 AM

Grego, you are discovering the folly of writing without examining all the possible negative inferences the 'coterie' here will be able to draw from your post. No sense of humour that crew haha.

Amber, your post at 9:56, what do you believe the porsche or lamborghini is thinking as they look towards you and note your soggy suspension. Best you don't let that go to your head.

Troy

Posted by: troyohboy at May 23, 2008 10:25 AM

Thanks for the computer advice...I tried it and heaven knows what I did but my fonts all changed! I better leave well enough alone..:-)
Cheers,
B.

Posted by: bm1960 at May 23, 2008 10:09 AM

I can only agree with all of you other ladies. Despite the fact Grego likes to try to convince us he is respectful of women, it is hard to know if this is truly the case, how he would even think that such comments are okay, much less repeat or write them!

As I wrote in previous blog, (as it seems that some men like to compare women to used cars!), there are a lot of creaky old Commodores out there, who seem to think that they could actually hold their own with the latest Porsche or Lamborghini. They certainly think they are at least as good as a newer model Commodore.
They haven't yet noticed that their own paintwork is a bit faded, their suspension is a bit suspect and their engine is past the stage where a simple tune up will fix things!
If they do deign to park next to a car of similar vintage, they think that they are doing it a favour!
Even though the other car might be in much better condition, having less miles/kms on the clock, and having been better maintained.

Yes our "suspension" might be a bit soggy", and the paintwork a bit faded, but I suspect that you'll find that our motors are well tuned, and we have no illusions as to our vintage.
Occasionally a Porsche or Lamborghini may look our way for a short time, because of our classic vintage looks, but we just don't let that go to our heads!

Posted by: amberlight58 at May 23, 2008 9:56 AM

To those insecure ineptitudes who think that all women over 40/50 are a write off, Istj, you are a shining example of how good looking a woman can be in her 50s. And you are not the only example.

Posted by: northernlights at May 23, 2008 9:55 AM

Perth@ 10.39pm last night. There's one here in Melb that I met and went out with who is 58. Also has a profile as 52 and wonders why the women crack it with him when he fesses up to his correct age. Hello.. Won't be told so!!! ...Cheers..."G"

Posted by: amdoingit at May 23, 2008 9:32 AM

Grego, you wrote in your post @ May 20 3.02 pm " The reality is that a woman in her 50's has lost her looks. These units have been around the block a few times so the suspension is a bit soggy and the bodywork a bit worn"

This is a patronisingly offensive comment and describing women as "units" shows a lack of respect toward females of all ages, not just the age bracket you mention.

Then you say "my father told me that you don't look at the mantelpiece when you are stoking the fire" ....which is a colloquialism for men describing having sex with a woman whose face they dont find attractive. Sounds offensive to me. You can back track all you like, but this wont change what you wrote,

Posted by: femalepersuasion at May 23, 2008 5:09 AM

Next time I become friends with a guy I am buying a gillies suit and going on a stake out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL

Posted by: justmekylie at May 23, 2008 12:02 AM

Posted by: justmekylie at May 22, 2008 9:41 PM

All I can say about your experience Justmekylie is: If a guy does not show any sign of committment after at least six months then I would say that it is going no where, and would mean nothing more than friends.
I just cant see why you clung to this guy for so many years when he gave you so many excuses why he couldnt be with you.
Maybe you had become too obsessive, and maybe he felt he had reason to conceal his family extension?
The guy may have been a serious flirt, but he did not consummate any obligation to you, so why didnt you just give up years ago and move on?
Even his wife probably didnt need anymore of a burden, especially with such a young babe.
If it was so important for you to tell her, then maybe you could have told her a bit later after you knew your friendship was way over with this guy, and you felt nothing for him anymore.
Then it would have seemed a little more rational?

Posted by: lonelyheart44 at May 22, 2008 11:21 PM

There is a male profile here in Perth who started off with one name, 57 years old, then changed name 52 years old, now has popped up again different name and 59 years old...now my intuition tells me...........lol ps same picture all the time though, go figure. !

Posted by: iaminperth at May 22, 2008 10:39 PM

They might even find a neurotic fish in the depths somewhere Perth !

Posted by: jenjen57 at May 22, 2008 10:26 PM

Laughing loudly. Ta Perth.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at May 22, 2008 10:22 PM

See I told you! Perth knows!
Anyway couldn't have you being lost in cyberspace B!

Posted by: amberlight58 at May 22, 2008 10:15 PM

Amod, probably went fishing with the Captain, lol

Posted by: iaminperth at May 22, 2008 10:14 PM

Sorry, first highlight, then control C, then go to where you want to place document, put cursor on page and Control V - bingo all done!!! yay

Posted by: iaminperth at May 22, 2008 10:12 PM

Control C to copy, then Control V to paste.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 22, 2008 10:07 PM

Hey, what's happened to our Finnish friend Amodnar? Just wondering.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at May 22, 2008 10:03 PM

Hi B,
I find it works well if you leave the cursor in the text box and press ctrl & A together. It then highlights the whole of the text you have written, then right click on the text and a drop down menu happens. Click on copy, then press post.
If it doesn't work then either go back, and put the cursor into the text box then right click and click on paste (your text appears again) or otherwise click on sign in and when that strange looking lot of blogs comes up, press end which will take you to the end of the page. If you scroll up slightly, there will be a slightly different text box, click on remember me, then once again put the cursor in the box, right click hit paste and post.
(this often works better when you are continually told you haven't signed in!)

Some of those who may be more computer literate than me, can probably use the ctrl & other keys to copy & paste.
I keep forgetting which ones they are (probably Ctrl & c = copy!!)

Posted by: amberlight58 at May 22, 2008 9:49 PM

Ok. Fair enough comments. First off there were coffee dates and serious flirting and clothing removed. No sex. Second he made out he was some lonely scarred man who couldnt ever see himself in a relationship. Third he denied being in any relationships despite me doing the questioning thing. Fourth even when he finally admitted it he admitted to having a partner only. He said he was didnt want to lose my friendship and he didint want to lose his relationship. THis was a friendship where I was very clear to him that I would have loved the opportunity for more. The man made out he had cancer for Gods sake. Then some things started to gel , like about the so called psycho work friend that got the wrong end of the stick a few years ago and became obsessed over him and sent herslef flowers from him using his credit card and hacked inot his email account and sent emails to herself from him. So I rang his home number to talk to him and he answered obviously terrified. He made out over the phone that I was some pycho stalking him. "Yes I have told you I am married, yes I have 2 kids but you know this, leave my kids out of this, what are you trying to do, ruin my kids life". The whole time I am listening to all this and putting 2 and 2 together and realising he is trying to make out I am a pycho. And that he has done this before. I didnt know he was married until I made that phone call and I am glad I made that phone call becuase he would probably still be screwing around with my head even now. And yes I rang his wife and said " that we were friends and had been for over 5 years". That I had no idea why he kept me secret from you and vice versa. That I had no clue of her existence. That I had grieved for him when he was all morbid about not ever being able to have kids becuse of his cancer and being so stuffed in the head from previous bad relationships". That I suspect he is making out I am some dysfunctional loon and he is just a victim . HIs wife actually has social anxiety disorder and is a barrister. Yes I felt like a bitch for being the messenger but I could not in all conscience allow her to be duped by this con artist. Either way she deserved to know what he was up to. NOw many will say she would have eventually found out on her own. But as someone who was cheated on throughout my marriage I wish just 1 person who knew about it would have had the integrity and the balls to tell me because it would have saved a further 6 or so years of pain. And if there marriage survives then good. Maybe he will admit to whatever led him to seek frinedship elsewhere and they can work on it together.

Posted by: justmekylie at May 22, 2008 9:41 PM

istj - 7.55pm. I agree with your post. Those were his original words, and all the backtracking doesnt cut it for me.

perth - 8.09pm. I agree with you too. And I certainly think you could definately run rings around him.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at May 22, 2008 9:32 PM

I thought I had to save it to a document..I don't have Office or anything on here, just internet, music and photos....and when I tried your advice, thank you TW, there is no toolbar to edit....I guess I will just have to keep repeating myself!!!! Or is there a wee secret thing in Tools or under another undecipherable icon that will let me do this??? Sorry....it will get worse soon as they are going to change our work computers....I will probably get sent into cyberspace limbo forever and a day....:-(
Cheers,
B.

Posted by: bm1960 at May 22, 2008 9:14 PM

I thought I had to save it to a document..I don't have Office or anything on here, just internet, music and photos....and when I tried your advice, thank you TW, there is no toolbar to edit....I guess I will just have to keep repeating myself!!!! Or is there a wee secret thing in Tools or under another undecipherable icon that will let me do this??? Sorry....it will get worse soon as they are going to change our work computers....I will probably get sent into cyberspace limbo forever and a day....:-(
Cheers,
B.

Posted by: bm1960 at May 22, 2008 9:13 PM

Timewarp, thanks for that. Of course it makes sense now......K

Posted by: auntykaz at May 22, 2008 9:09 PM

bm1960 at 8:23pm:

Highlight your post. Hit Edit then Copy. Click off text to remove highlight. Hit Post.

If it doesn't say thank you, we'll censor that, go back to previous screen and paste it back into the box, and try posting again.

Posted by: timewarp1 at May 22, 2008 8:55 PM

Kaz at 12.57pm about mine at 1.26am: A longer version of what I said then might have been "No Kaz - you're not the only one thinking that. Very disappointing behaviour I thought."

Waterbombe had put it just about prefectly at 11.44pm, I thought. Didn't see hers till just then. Very busy at present.

Posted by: timewarp1 at May 22, 2008 8:46 PM

I like what you said there iaminperth...
Cheers,
B.

Posted by: bm1960 at May 22, 2008 8:35 PM

Try again..I really must learn how to save my comments because I keep being told my posts are not signed in after I am told I am signed in....the advice rsvp gave is to save my comments but I forget how to do that!!!
Anyway, I too was annoyed when I first read grego7's comment...but, I now won't let it bother me when I read something negative that flies in the face of my own self belief. It has taken me over 47 years to be the person I am, and I like me and that is good enough for me!!!! As long as the people that matter to me respect and accept me, I am a beuatiful person and that makes me happy.
Cheers,
B.

Posted by: bm1960 at May 22, 2008 8:23 PM

ISTJ - Hmm. Seem to be agreeing with you a lot, lately! Your comment about great beauty in every decade is spot-on. And I am really over the obsession with the body-beautiful - full-stop. Many people who are less than perfect physically have an enormous amount to give a potential partner, if that potential partner is looking for a little depth, rather than just an ornament.

Posted by: ninaschen at May 22, 2008 8:19 PM

Why get upset about what Grego says, that's his opinion and he's entitled to it. Maybe he should meet a few more successful women around his own age and they would probably run rings around him.
A lot of older men like younger women as they don't have to make conversation just pander to them. I think most of them are simply frightened of an independent, self sufficient good looking woman their own age and know in their heart of hearts they really don't have a lot to offer.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 22, 2008 8:09 PM

These are Grego's exact words and I, personally, find them quite insulting...."I suppose it also depends on your target market. Mine is female 50-55. The reality is that a woman in her 50s has lost her looks. These units have been around the block a few times so the suspension is a big soggy and the bodywork a bit worn,"...if I met someone who said that to me that would sure be the last time too...he sounds like the fotographer to me who used to harp on endlessly about how decrepit older women were...and what about his dad's saying about not looking at the fireplace...did everyone miss that one...wonder what his ladylove thinks of that attitude...I believe there is great beauty in every decade we go through and all is equal. It is merely different. Not all young people are firm and good looking either.

Posted by: istj54 at May 22, 2008 7:55 PM

TW, why harumpff??...
Greg, Harrison Ford is the Brad Pitt for the over 50's.........and it was.............K

Posted by: auntykaz at May 22, 2008 12:57 PM

Auntie Kaz,
Harrison Ford.... yeah i think that is a compliment. Thanks. Always wanted to be the action man hero. rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at May 22, 2008 9:32 AM

No way Kaz. Harumpff!

Posted by: timewarp1 at May 22, 2008 1:26 AM

Hi Grego,

I wasn't in the least offended by your comment about older women. I admitted a few weeks ago on another topic that I don't look anywhere as good (naked) as I do today - that's life, aging and gravity!!

Best we just face facts and accept that time takes its toll on us all. Hopefully there are people out there that aren't completely shallow and can see that there's more to attraction thatn a good looking bod.

Posted by: victoriadownunder at May 22, 2008 12:14 AM

This is suss, Kylie...What did you say to his wife: "I'm ringing to tell you that I have been a friend of your husband's for 6 years now...clearly not that good a friend, because I didn't know about you and the two kids...and probably given that I didn't know about you, there's heaps of other really important things I don't know about either...in fact I don't know much about him at all...but I just thought I'd ring and let you know that. I hope it hurts."

Posted by: waterbombe at May 21, 2008 11:44 PM

Ummm Kylie, if you were just friends, why on earth would you tell his wife ??
And what did you tell her ??

What you are feeling in regard to his wife.....possibly correct......

Why would you not have contacted him to discuss it ?? Why would you contact his wife ?? Puzzled at that.....
Am l the lone ranger here ??................K

Posted by: auntykaz at May 21, 2008 10:28 PM

justmekylie
That is 2 doozies in 2 nights we have had from Perth. What is in the water over there that blocks female intuition? Why were so many girls named Kylie about 40 years ago?
What are the blokes on to have such secret lives? I am pleased to see someone else admits to being on here for more than a few weeks.
Forget intuition and gut feelings. If you are going to invest a lot of emotional capital in a man do some basic 'probity' checks. A lot of women do...
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at May 21, 2008 10:23 PM

Posted by: justmekylie at May 21, 2008 9:43 PM
Mmmmmmm!!!! Cant disagree with you there justmekylie. I think you were being a bitch telling his poor wife that he had a secret female friend.
Why bother telling her anyway? You were just friends, RIGHT?
Sounds like you let your ego along with jealousy get the bettter of you.
So what? You were just friends, he didnt sleep with you, RIGHT?
What did you intend to accomplish by telling her, was that trouble and create suspicion?
She is the one giving herself big time to this guy, and he is obviously doing the same in return to her.
If you were any kind of real friend, you should have aired your grievance with him and left his poor wife alone.
I hope she is laughing!

Posted by: lonelyheart44 at May 21, 2008 10:12 PM

Man my intuition sucks. I met a guy on here in 2002. We have been friends ever since but aside from some serious flirting nothing more than friends. Just found out that in those 6 years he met married and fathered 2 children and I had no clue. Absolutely none. Am still somewhat shellshocked over it. We had daily contact. I feel like I have lost a best friend but then I feel stupid for feeling that way because he obviously wasnt a friend. I told his wife. I feel like a bitch for telling her, she has just had a baby 8 weeks ago apparently.

Posted by: justmekylie at May 21, 2008 9:43 PM

Posted by: waterbombe at May 21, 2008 2:16 PM

I agree with what you have said Waterbombe.
I dont think Grego has said anything wrong or offensive.
It seems to me that he is speaking true facts of life, and all normal people should have noticed things change when we get older, and accept the good from the bad points.
Really dont see what all the fuss is about.
I think Grego has a much better attitude than some men out there.
I think some people on here need to get over themselves, or do a big reality check?
DONT YA THINK?

Posted by: lonelyheart44 at May 21, 2008 9:04 PM

Oh, I remember, Ninaschen, that was my fault, wasn't it..not very nice of me then and not very nice of you now, FP.

Posted by: waterbombe at May 21, 2008 8:57 PM

I guess what goes around comes around grego7. No need to take your bitterness out on women over 50. I for one have taken offence at your comments of women over 50.. I am 1 year older than you so way outside your target age group, thank goodness I will never get a kiss from you.. broaden your horizons, look outside the stereotype that is a male requirement for a female partner. Lotsa gorgeous sexy older women out there.

Posted by: eastofcbd at May 21, 2008 8:32 PM

FP - I am shocked and surprised that you have made such a disparaging comment on how old another blogger might look. Especially in light of the huge kerfuffle that ensued on the blogs some time back.

Posted by: ninaschen at May 21, 2008 8:17 PM

Ha, Grego, Brad was the first to come to mind.......
Should l have said Harrison Ford ????

Must admit the Brad Pitt comment was made tongue in cheek though...................K

Posted by: auntykaz at May 21, 2008 7:58 PM

Woodnwine, it was a bit tongue-in-cheek. That shop is still open, you know, the one that sells senses of humour.

Where did you put the one you already had?

Posted by: waterbombe at May 21, 2008 5:09 PM

Femalepersuasion at May 21, 2008 12:03 PM

Please read my post of May 21 11.32am. If you still feel the same way pls let me know.

But you are correct I do look old, 5 years in the family court, over $300,000 in legals and the loss of a business tend to push one closer to the grave.

I am disappointed that you have chosen such a personal attack on me as I have never made personal remarks about any other blogger..

RED FLAG : perhaps.. I have certainly hit a raw nerve with some. Red Flags usually cause bulls to charge but most of the charging has been by cows and a few heiffers (not perjorative but the correct opposites of bull)

I dont understand your comment about hating women. Generally speaking I am a male who loves women and often prefer female company to male company.

Internet dating does not work for eveyone. I have no idea what the % success rate is but my pure guess is about 20% if success is determined by a committed relationship. Not everyone is looking for such a relationship. I was but others are not. The heart is a lonely hunter (good title for a book or film) and needs some good luck or at least and abscence of bad luck.

I wish you every success in finding the person you are seeking as you have indicated in your profile. rgds grego

Posted by: grego7 at May 21, 2008 2:52 PM

FP - I think you are perhaps missing the whole point behind grego's posts. Either that or I am and I don't believe I am. I think waterbomabdier also "gets" what he's saying .... am I right?

Posted by: woodnwine at May 21, 2008 2:40 PM

"Think about men over 50, after all...we women now have to get used to looking at man boobs for the first time, we have to readjust our focus on their hair from their heads to their noses and ears, they get enough lines on their faces to justify their own Navman, and then there are the flying-at-half-mast and failure-to-launch problems of their later years...makes us look quite functional, I'd say."
Posted by: waterbombe at May 20, 2008 6:52 PM
This is what I was referring to ... maybe too much of a generalisation?

Posted by: woodnwine at May 21, 2008 2:35 PM

I really don't get the upset with Grego...and it is unlike me to be defending a bloke...gosh, what's happening. But I think he may not be quite as good with words as some of the rest of us who have been here for a while, because we realise how easily you can be misunderstood in writing.

The way I see it, and I could be quite wrong, is that he's saying older people are less physically attractive than when we were younger...well, hello, that's true isn't it? Why is that an insult, isn't it just a fact?

But in his defence, he said that he doesn't look at photos...well, I think that's great...he'd be one of the few guys who don't, I mean most men on this site (and probably most women) are totally hung up on photos. If you haven't got one, you get 10% of the kisses. If Grego was so sexist, wouldn't what the woman looks like be of prime importance to him? Wouldn't he be on here telling us that only women 20 years younger than him are worth his attention ...like some bloggers have done...

Posted by: waterbombe at May 21, 2008 2:16 PM

"The 50's are everything you are meant to be" Maya Angelo.

I don't think this Is enough on this post!

Guess I was so cheesed by this last night I asked the universe for more about it. And thankfully it was given. Today - Oprah - Celebrating midlife and in particular your fifties. Fabulous stuff. Hope lots of you got to see it.

Ladies - don't let the words of someone change how you feel. Thoughts and feelings definately can create your reality. We all know this - sometimes we just have to be reminded.

As Bette Midler said on the show - "The clock ticks that much quicker and louder at this age but there is still plenty of time to enjoy ourselves" How true. She now being in her sixties and about to open a brand new show. Inspirational!

Let's live in the moment and enjoy the moments. There really are so many wonderful men out there and there will be that special one again. The one who loves us for who we are. And we must be authentic to attract that authentic man.

The other thing is we must be happy within and about ourselves. No-one else can truly make us happy if we are not happy ourself.

Be open and aware to magic moments. They really are there!

Here's some inspirational and beautiful 'over 50's' -

Oprah Winfrey
Bette Midler
Tina Turner
Susan Sarandon
Goldie Hawn
Reba McIntyre
Olivia Newton-John
Natalie Cole

I'm ready to celebrate my fifties. Just had the birthday a few weeks ago. And am very open to a new and wonderful future.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at May 21, 2008 2:12 PM

Grego7- I actually welcome your comments about women in their 50's, because it tells me straight away what type of man you are and about your personal integrity upfront. You are waving a RED FLAG quite unashamedly.

You dont exhibit this amount of honesty on your profile though. Hence..a woman may date you for several months before you ever let your real thoughts on women slip...and she is happily thinking what a charming man you are...commonly known as the "mask of persona"..and not seeing the real you.

It always comes out eventually..but to those fellow bloggers who have ever questioned why someone may be on this site for 12 months without meeting anyone to have a relationship with...this is perhaps one of the reasons.

Men like this with this attitude...eeew and you look old enough to be my Grandfather, which when you think about it is funny seeing you are only 12 years older than me at least. Go figure that one out!

Posted by: femalepersuasion at May 21, 2008 12:03 PM

Waterbombe, thank you for reading my posts as I dont things others have been before attacking me. I think you got what I was talking about.

My assertion that seems to have upset people is that ( and to desex the issue ) I will say people 50+ are not as physically attaractive as say someone in their 20s. This applies to both male and females as I stated in my post of May 20 6.22pm.

This is axiomatic. Physical beauty decreases with age. The "beauty of youth" is a fact.Both for male and female.

Many 50s+ women are indeed beautiful and that beauty comes largely from within. What many men ignore is the person and just look at the physical. I prefer to read a profile without seeing the picture so that I can get an idea of the person.It is the person that one ultimately falls in love with not the body.

I was also self deprecating (think that is the word Waterbombe help me here) about my own physical appearance. See my same post 20 May 6.22 where I said I would love to have my 25 year old body back. That body did not creak and groan, was strong, had no grey here and the "gear" was 100% reliable. Any one who would prefer to keep there 50s+ body to their 25 body needs there head read in my view.

Note the words "body" not "mind" As has been correctly pointed out a male does not have much of a brain till at least 25 and even then it is not very good.

Some specific points:
Creativestuart: You misread me. It is exactly not the looks that make the relationship.Underline not. That has been my point from the outset.

AuntieK : No I am not Brad Pitt but that is hardly a fair comparison. I am giving away a lot of years.

Jennefhi: I have been living with someone whom I met on RSVP. I am very much in love with her. And yes we discuss the blogs. Being the gentleman that I am I cannot reveal her age but she is very beautiful to me.

BM1960: Agree re presentability of males.

Waterlily58: Pls read my profile. It is quite specific about why it is up. My target market is/was 50-55. Dont hang me because I inadvertantly did not use the past tense.

Probably emough for this post. Love you all. grego

Posted by: grego7 at May 21, 2008 11:32 AM

What do you mean. woodnwine, do you mean some men over 50 have brains that haven't fully developed?

Posted by: waterbombe at May 21, 2008 11:29 AM

Posted by: waterbombe at May 20, 2008 6:52 PM waterbomber - careful, not all men in their 50s are like that.

Posted by: woodnwine at May 21, 2008 8:33 AM

I get the feeling that "something" might also happen over at the Open Heart blog, where a certain male person has also been posting...

Posted by: symbiosis66 at May 20, 2008 11:21 PM

Guess I got censored... needless to say Grego7 my post was less than complimentary

Posted by: eastofcbd at May 20, 2008 11:17 PM

Post script... I apologise to all you guys who don't share Grego7's opinions. There are undesirable men and women on here and one must not crucify all for the sins of some.

Posted by: eastofcbd at May 20, 2008 11:02 PM

will let you know after sunday brunch.............

Posted by: twoeyes at May 20, 2008 11:00 PM

Hope that intuition is right twoeyes :)

Posted by: jenjen57 at May 20, 2008 10:29 PM

2eyes, what might that be ????...........K

Posted by: auntykaz at May 20, 2008 10:22 PM

mine is telling me that there is something good going to happen to me really soon................

Posted by: twoeyes at May 20, 2008 9:50 PM

I suppose it also depends on your target market. Mine is female 50-55
Posted by: grego7 at May 20, 2008 3:02 PM
I prefer to communicate for at least 3 weeks before having a meet. Sometimes no meet has occurred because one of us decided it would not be worthwhile.
Posted by: grego7 at May 20, 2008 6:22 PM

Last week, onn the cheating blog, you were just here for the blogs. You had no 'target audience' nor were you dating. did your intuition forget to tell you to check what you had already posted?

Posted by: waterlily58 at May 20, 2008 9:18 PM

gosh, grego, i think you should have put men down at the same time you put women down, but don't worry we have done it for you. I don't think you are quite as bad as I thought...I checked back and you did say you look for older not younger women...if you were that sexist you'd be thinking you "deserved" a younger woman.

Didn't you say you were getting married? I ask because I notice you have a profile up. I am in a relationship but I don't have a visible profile because I don't think my partner would like it...how does yours react to it? Just curious.

Posted by: waterbombe at May 20, 2008 9:10 PM

Well put TW, Especially about email exams!

If you can't give someone a couple hours to find out who they are what hope of having a relationship with them?

And what are you missing out on with massive jumps to conclusions.

Only face to face can we really find out who someone really is.

Keep Smiling, Stuart

Posted by: creativestuart at May 20, 2008 8:37 PM

The post I didn't finish must be one I lost yet again...but my opinion was that I felt insulted to think that because I am approaching 50, I am saggy and not as physically able to attract,,,that was what I first gleaned from the post by greg (his last one as stated) earlier....I was up in arms about that.....thinking about it, once my brain goes, I guess I won't care how I appear because without the intellect and subsequent connection, there is nothing else.
Cheers,
B.
Still.....I agree.....why on earth should the female feel compelled to be presentable just to go out with a male who falls short of the reasonable prerequisites of hygiene and looking after yourself....???

Posted by: bm1960 at May 20, 2008 8:23 PM

Oops...I hit the wrong key and my last post didn't finish...mayhaps the alzheimers is closer than I reckoned.....sorry....I just wanted to say alzheimers may take my mind and then I will have nothing....:-(
I best make the most of what physical and mental time I can....where are you, Mr. Right....get yourself here before it is too late...:-)
Cheers,
B.

Posted by: bm1960 at May 20, 2008 8:03 PM

Waterbombe - very nice, touche!!

Posted by: symbiosis66 at May 20, 2008 8:00 PM

Contry to Grego's thoughts, it is not the looks that makes the relationship .

Looks will certainly create an inital level of interest but they are infact the exact reason I want to meet, to find the real substance behind the photos and profiles. To not have assumptions based upon them or the two dimentional email world. Not to be misinterpreted or misunderstood and not realise that is what is happening. But have a real conversation with real understanding.

Find somewhere safe and get on with it I say! What is the worst thing that can happen, you meet someone and have a nice date?

Posted by: creativestuart at May 20, 2008 7:58 PM

Oh, and the lady you seek must be able to drive well! Are you trying to say something there as well? What the?????????

Get real!

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at May 20, 2008 7:54 PM

Summed up perfectly waterbombe 6.52pm

Grego - Ewwwww. Notice your profile is only on to contribute to the blogs (and good for you for that) but if you are seeing someone at the moment how does she feel about your thoughts?

I found what you said one of the most offensive I've seen on here in recent times.

Yuk!

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at May 20, 2008 7:49 PM

creativestuart at 2:14pm: I'm with you, not grego, though my birth certificate says I'm in my 70s (but it hasn't convinced me yet.)

In my book, finding the right person is more valuable to your happiness than finding the right job.

An RSVP profile is an Ad. for the person, and it works better for you if you go to as much trouble writing it as you would for a job application.

I look at the profiles as if they were applications for a job, and I was screening them to see who I'd interview.

First I cull the ones who haven't the motivation and/or the ability to present themselves at their best. Especially the ones who seem to be trying to wing it on a pretty face alone, and hoping that will keep on getting them through life, without having to work for anything.

If she claims several factors in her words that I find attractive, and nothing that repels me (like smoking, being taller than I am, mirror-cracking hideous, or never married yet by age 55+) then I'm happy to "interview" her for a minimum of 2 hours, preferably over a meal that I was going to eat out anyway.

And preferably at least one of them a week, till I find Ms Rite-Enuff for me, who also thinks I'm Mr Right-Enuff for her.

But between the kiss > email please > email sent routine that starts things off, and the final phonecall that organises the first meeting, I want as little palaver as possible.

And specially not a heap of monologue emails to and fro, taking up hours to say what the phone would need only a few minutes of my valuable time to say in verbal dialogue.

I don't ration my first dates, so that you have to go through a set of email exams before you get one. That would cull those who are not good at email exams, but might be perfect at everything else.

I prefer to cut straight to the chase, and that starts with the first meeting, where you both decide before you leave, whether you want a second meeting, and if not, you have immediate closure there and then, and no need to watch the phone forever, in case it might ring.

Gotta close this and zoom off to tennis. Warmer and not windy tonight, so my business shorts with plenty of room for 3 balls can stay on, Marcus.

Posted by: timewarp1 at May 20, 2008 7:29 PM

giggles351 at May 20, 2008 3:17 PM

Don't use your gut if you think you might be fed bullshit. It tastes terrible and makes you sick.
Use your brain for thinking; it works far better.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at May 20, 2008 7:19 PM

Oh hasn't Grego got a point, ssshhh? Think about men over 50, after all...we women now have to get used to looking at man boobs for the first time, we have to readjust our focus on their hair from their heads to their noses and ears, they get enough lines on their faces to justify their own Navman, and then there are the flying-at-half-mast and failure-to-launch problems of their later years...makes us look quite functional, I'd say. But of course we put up with all this because their brains have finally developed .... I think that was Gregor's point.

Posted by: waterbombe at May 20, 2008 6:52 PM

Posted by: laughsandtalks at May 20, 2008 1:31 PM;

That is the best post I've seen in a long time, I almost fell out of my chair laughing. Well done sir, "I tip my bonnet to you"

Posted by: financeman1 at May 20, 2008 6:40 PM

Ha Grego, just another guy who throws the odd insult out.
Tell me, did you look in the mirror today??

Ya aint no Brad Pitt yerself there Greg.....
just in case you thought the mirror was a bit biased.
Maybe your target audience ias all wrong............K

Posted by: auntykaz at May 20, 2008 6:38 PM

well after my experiences of the last weeks my intuition, my ability to acquire knowledge and my reasoning process's are totally not working...unless I had a huge blonde moment for the last month!!!!!! I can't believe that I totally chose the wrong person for me ...yet again... and I got played so well.....ouch!!!!! I I think I will have better luck following my bloody astrology at the moment!!!! have a lovely evening all....jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at May 20, 2008 6:34 PM

Ssshhh, yes wolves can spin a line and so can she-wolves. I prefer to communicate for at least 3 weeks before having a meet. Sometimes no meet has occurred because one of us decided it would not be worthwhile.

My comments on 50s women should not be insulting and are not meant to be. The same comment is true of 50s men but I dont date 50s men!!

Conduct a search based on age and it will be clearly evident that youth is wasted on the young. I would love to be 25 again but only if I could also have my 57 year mind and its knowledge as well. But I would love to have my 25 year old body back anytime. grego

Posted by: grego7 at May 20, 2008 6:22 PM

Giggles, Dont give up on RSVP. You are fortunate that it had not gone too far.

Being a trusting person is not a bad thing, although you will sometimes get hurt.

For some of the ancients on this blog like WB, Perth and the rest of us have learnt the hard way. But the reality is that the vast majority of humans are nice at least for most of the time. If they were not the planet would not function.

May I suggest taking things slowly, lots of emails and calls before meeting the person.
Scumbags usually wont hang around if you string them along for a while.

Keep faith in yourself. grego

Posted by: grego7 at May 20, 2008 5:50 PM

Trusting whatever people tell you...that's what naive IS, Giggles!

Posted by: waterbombe at May 20, 2008 5:13 PM

Grego7 @3.02
must disagree with most of your assumptions re pre meeting contacts-old wolves can spin a convicing line .
As for your observations of 50's women!Insulting!
Dare I say,Pot calling Kettle black.

Posted by: ssshhh at May 20, 2008 4:38 PM

Thank you
I will take that advise and run with it.
I am too nice that is my problem.
I can atleast learn form this and I will move on and send as many kisses as it takes to find my sole mate.
waterbombe I am not naive I just trust what people tell me and I am sorry you feel that way!

Posted by: giggles351 at May 20, 2008 4:22 PM

Oh Giggles, you are too naive to be on this site. Perth is right...walk away and keep meeting guys until you find one that you like who HASN'T been involved with a fruit loop. Ok, make that 'recently involved'.

Posted by: waterbombe at May 20, 2008 3:52 PM

Giggles, Leave it, walk away. What are you doing, whatever this guy is doing is not right. Whether he is the moron this woman is making him out to be or whether he just chooses to mix with people like her don't get involved. What are you being so dizzy about, get out, move on, find someone nice, not someone swirling around with all that rubbish. Why are you wasting time, keep going, find someone sincere.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 20, 2008 3:36 PM

laughsandtalks
I have sent him a message to call me and he has his phone turned off, So I have done all I can the next step is his..
I have to admit I am a bit bummed that it has gone pear shape as we really connected but it is so hard, everything we talked about she has said is a lie.
My gut is telling me that everything she has told me is true and I wont know any different unless he does contact me..

Posted by: giggles351 at May 20, 2008 3:17 PM

Posted by: creativestuart at May 20, 2008 2:14 PM

Dont agree with you,CS. A lenthy pre meeting of emails and telecalls gives you a pretty good idea about a person without the bias od the physical looks. It also why I like to read a profile without the picture.

RSVP probably favours those who can string 2 or 3 words together and are not afraid to to express themselves in writing. It harkens back to a past age when lettter writing was important.

I suppose it also depends on your target market. Mine is female 50-55. The reality is that a woman in her 50s has lost her looks. These units have been around the block a few times so the suspension is a big soggy and the bodywork a bit worn,

But they usually have very good brains and after all that is the sexiest organ there is. My father told me " you dont look at the mantlepiece when you are stoking the fire"

The younger someone is the more important physical looks so i guess the meet is more critical. rgds grego

My last

Posted by: grego7 at May 20, 2008 3:02 PM

The one thing I really hate about online dating is the desire to make the whold decision without any actual meeting!

My intuition is quite good when I actually meet and talk to someone but shot to pieces in this two dimentional world.

How can you really know anything from profiles and emails? It is through meeting that a connection comes.

What is most important after all, for me it is the actual relationships we have with people.

I see RSVP as a great contact tool but the sooner we get out from behind the computer and into the real world with someone the better.

Posted by: creativestuart at May 20, 2008 2:14 PM

giggles351 at May 20, 2008 10:57 AM

All sounds a bit suss and you naive. I think the other female is pissing in your purse. I can see by her behaviour why people would want to do her violence. Give the bloke another call; don't listen to her to find out his truth.

Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at May 20, 2008 1:31 PM

Giggles, you are well out of it.
Hope it happens soon for you!
Although those more experienced on RSVP tell me that you may need to kiss your future SM first!
Hasn't worked for me so far though, but then I'm a bit of a scaredy cat!

Posted by: amberlight58 at May 20, 2008 12:32 PM

amberlight58
I believe she did all I know is they are really screwed up and I dont want anyhting to do with them.
Everything he said to me was a lie and I just dont really care anymore.
I just want to meet my sole mate I am sick of being screwed over.
I know he is out there I just have to move on and wait for him to find me.

Posted by: giggles351 at May 20, 2008 12:07 PM

Sorry giggles,
I am certainly not defending him at all.
You are sensible to stay well out of it!
I am also not saying this lady is lying either, just that it doesn't sound quite right. I mean why would anyone ask you to call her partner?
It sounds like a very scary situation all way round.

Good luck, I hope you soon find someone who is worthy of you!

Posted by: amberlight58 at May 20, 2008 11:51 AM

Hi Giggles...I hope you are OK.
I can't really offer any advice such as Mr. Right will soon turn up...I am still waiting for mine and he has supposedly been just around the corner for the past 9 years :-)
Keep smiling though,
Cheers,
B.

Posted by: bm1960 at May 20, 2008 11:38 AM

Hi Giggles...I hope you are OK.
I can't really offer any advice such as Mr. Right will soon turn up...I am still waiting for mine and he has supposedly been just around the corner for the past 9 years :-)
Keep smiling though,
Cheers,
B.

Posted by: bm1960 at May 20, 2008 11:31 AM

Hi giggles,
Just wondering though, (certainly not excusing his behaviour if he was cheating on her) if this lady's partner has an outstanding Apprehended Violence Order (AVO) against him, then how come she was able to access his phone?

Posted by: amberlight58 at May 20, 2008 11:24 AM

Thank you for all the support.
Well last night his girlfried called me again asking me what happened between us and I was honest, Nothing all we did was talk.
She then told me they had three kids and another on the way and was asking me if I had heard from him and if I could call him, I just told her I did not want to be involved and to please stop calling me.
I then recieved a message form her telling me he had just been arrested for breaching his domestic violance order.
Thank God I found out when I did.

Posted by: giggles351 at May 20, 2008 10:57 AM

Hi twoeyes,
The definition of intuition you gave sounds pretty accurate to me!

Posted by: amberlight58 at May 20, 2008 10:38 AM

Posted by: laughsandtalks at May 20, 2008 9:13 AM

RE: Cheating blog:Regarding the troops?
I would say this matter has involved more to do with other peoples feelings, rather than individualist choices.

The attackers had no regard for Lynaths feelings.
For them to address her with such disdain because of her experienced pain was insensitive and cold. What kind of people are they to do that?
Would they tell someone who has lost a loved one in death to get over it?
The grieving process of losing a loved one in death can linger for many years.
However death of a loved one is explainable, it was not a deliberate infliction on the loved one left behind. Unless in rare circumstances it was suicide?
Infidility to many of the victims feels like a death of a loved one but is more disturbing because it was a deliberate infliction to the one left behind, and it involves damage.
People who are insensative to the victims feelings, either havent experienced that pain, or are capable of being the cheaters?
Bottom line is; If someone kicks someone when they are down, then they reap what they sew.
This world would be a much better place, if people only did unto others as they would like being done to themselves.

Posted by: lonelyheart44 at May 20, 2008 10:29 AM

Marcus,
Regarding your reply to lonelyheart @ 9:13 AM
I suggest to you that most people would know that cheating on a partner who still loves them, would hurt that person.
No matter how it is rationalised.

While living with someone with a personality disorder and avoiding being trampled upon is almost impossible (believe me, I know!), that still doesn't justify cheating on them.
Run if you must, as far away as possible, as your emotional survival may depend upon it!
But don't use your partner's short-comings as an excuse to cheat!

Posted by: amberlight58 at May 20, 2008 10:06 AM

lonelyheart44 at May 19, 2008 10:34 PM Cheating blog.
Lonely, I think the 'cheating' position you are backing lynathdreary on comes from a similar fundamentalist mindset to those, who say, support conscription into the defence forces or perhaps are 100% against abortion.
Somehow an allegiance to the theoretical ideal of the institution (the marriage or relationship) becomes more important than the people in it. How much responsibility do you think one partner has for the others feelings? 100%? How aware before the event (of an upset) can we be about a partners reaction? What if that person has a diagnosable personality disorder or the sort of generationally transmitted attitudes, or behaviours, they may have learnt from parents? It gets pretty bloody complicated in individual cases, which are the only cases there are.
The same with military conscription or a rigid enforcement of patriotic ideals.Some want complete obedience to the Country. How much allegiance do we owe and who determines it? What are the good reasons for disagreeing with such compulsion? Sometimes a greater courage is shown by criticism and refusal to accept than by blind obedience.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at May 20, 2008 9:13 AM

intuition; is apparent ability to acquire knowledge without a clear inference or reasoning process.

It is "the immediate apprehension of an object by the mind without the intervention of any reasoning process" [Oxford English Dictionary].

Intuition, by definition, has no objective validity. However it is extremely widespread as an apparent phenomenon. For this reason, it has been the subject of study in Psychology, as well as a topic of interest in the supernatural.

“Intuition is a combination of historical (empirical) data, deep and heightened observation and an ability to cut through the thickness of surface reality. Intuition is like a slow motion machine that captures data instantaneously and hits you like a ton of bricks. Intuition is a knowing, a sensing that is beyond the conscious understanding — a gut feeling. Intuition is not pseudo-science.”

mens and womans work equally well but in tune with different things.....

women about men and their cheating ways.....................

men about footy scores and fishing holes..................

Posted by: twoeyes at May 20, 2008 8:11 AM

Perth,
you are suppose to be loaded up with "grannies cure" and in bed, now get there or I will be displeased, Marcus never needs to be agreed with, it is know to go to his head and leads to posts nearly as long as TW's. So be a good child, " go to bed"
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at May 19, 2008 11:03 PM

Bill, don't worry, gave her a stern talking to. She agreed she wouldn't like it done to her and I think (hope) wouldn't be a party to the likes of again. I forgot to mention in my earlier post that she (foster daughter) was doing her bit to chat to male and keep him outside as long as possible so friend could do her thing on phone. If she hadn't told me herself I wouldn't have believed that she'd done it. I was quite taken back believe me. Goes to show.. cheers.."G"

Posted by: amdoingit at May 19, 2008 11:01 PM

Perth and G: I stand corrected. (Sorry Marcus.)

I guess I'm too naive to think of that sort of underhand nastiness. Outside both my nature and personal experience. We live and learn.

Posted by: timewarp1 at May 19, 2008 9:57 PM

Marcus, you could be right. Had my foster daughter over tonight (23yo) and she was telling me that a friend of hers the other night sent 2 messages (not nice ones either) from a male friends phone to a girl he'd been chatting up and was keen on. He'd gone outside for a ciggie so female had a ball on his phone. Seems she fancied the guy herself so wanted to sabotage it. Minx..
Anyway, lucky for male, he sorted it out and minx is in the doghouse. Lost out all round she did.
So anyway, it can happen. Doesn't hurt to check it out but if the guy was keen he'd have been in touch. Well, I'd have thought so anyway......"G"'

Posted by: amdoingit at May 19, 2008 9:34 PM

That could be right as well Marcus. Maybe the woman just picked up his phone and decided to play a stupid trick, or maybe a younger relative or someone. You never know. Ask him, I guess, what more can you do. Just tell him what was said and see what he has to say. It may be just a silly prank by a teenager or someone after all.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 19, 2008 9:27 PM

Now now Marcus, your bias is showing. Have you thought of changing to 10-pin?

Posted by: timewarp1 at May 19, 2008 8:41 PM

giggles351 at May 19, 2008 4:53 PM

351 what Giggles? Sounds like you may like Fords.
I'd give that bloke you txtd another try. Don't take what a pushy, interfering female is saying as the entire truth of the matter.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at May 19, 2008 7:26 PM

Giggles, you are lucky it went no further:))

Posted by: istj54 at May 19, 2008 7:15 PM

Hi Giggles, Just put it down to a bad experience. That can happen anywhere at any time. If it's not true he is going to contact you again anyway and if it is true you don't want to know him. I am sure there are a lot of nice guys out there who are free at the moment. Will you get hurt ?,, yes, probably but sometimes life is like that and it does hurt, that's just part of being human. Learn from your experiences, judge your own reactions and learn from them and how you can do it better the next time.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 19, 2008 6:47 PM

giggles351 at 4:53pm: That was a lucky save for you. Just say "Next!" and leave her to deal with him and his cheatin' ways.

Yes. There is always a risk of getting hurt.

Minimise the one that you just escaped by going to his house, before you get in deep enough to get hurt. Maybe to pick him up and take him somewhere. Ask to use his 'loo before you leave, so you get a chance to look over his house for signs of too many shampoos in the shower or dishes in the sink. Or too few.

Be sure that you have already given his full contact details to a trusted friend. Text her "Going in" as you leave the car, and have a text message to say "OK" to her, loaded in your mobile, to send when you get back in the car. If she doesn't get it in 15 mins, she calls in the artillery.

A bit over the top? With 999 blokes out of 1000 you don't need to. Well I'm an optimist - maybe with 99 out of a hundred. But having someone know where you're going, with whom and when due home is always a good idea till you've checked his car and house out for axes and chainsaws.

And make sure he knows you have someone that you always tell those things to. If that makes him lose interest or say "You're paranoid and I'm insulted!!" be doubly warned, because if his intentions are honorable, he'll be glad you value yourself.

Posted by: timewarp1 at May 19, 2008 6:11 PM

I really thought I was good at judging people until this morning!!
I have been chatting to a guy on the site and we decided we should meet after we have been texting and talking to each other on the phone for awhile.
I sent him a text this morning just saying Hi, How was your weekend and to my suprise I then get a phone call from a woman who says she is his girlfriend of ten years and they have kids together....
I feel like such a idiot for letting my guard down and I feel how can I trust anyone, I look at the profiles and I just dont know? Do I message? Will I get hurt?...

Posted by: giggles351 at May 19, 2008 4:53 PM

I'm not defending any bad behaviour on the part of the royals but it must have been very hard to be living with an anoerexic. I don't think any of them have any life skills being brought up in the restricted way that they must have been mortified at times.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 19, 2008 4:50 PM

Sticks and stones Marcus, sticks and stones... A mutual friend is going to help you out with that one...

I don't need plastic surgery on my nose and your comments on my erudition, altruism, integrity or intelligence are as meaningless to me as your regurgitated book club rants.

Posted by: firelightlady at May 19, 2008 3:39 PM

With regard to Charlie Windsor and his marriage arrangement with Dianna Spencer. I would imagine that they had a pre nup along the lines that she would provide him with a reasonable male heir and what he did elsewhere with his love Camilla was rightly and privately his business.
I remeber reading about Prince Phillip going on a boat trip with some of his male friends soon after his marriage. He confessed to being somewhat relieved as his bride Elizabeth was particularly avid and he was having trouble meeting all her demands. The same thing was said about Camilla; her main selling point was wantoness.
Fireflylady; Perhaps you need to check your nose growth in the way Pinocchio did and keep out of the wind. What did 280 and where? Haha.
Cheers Marcus
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at May 19, 2008 12:53 PM

They say that a womans intuition is better than a mans, but when I read some of the profiles put out, the alarm bells really ring, and it is surprising the amount of people that fall for it, mainly women, whom I think should know better. Especially after reading some of the blogs posted here and on other blogs.
Cheers OG.

Posted by: oldergent at May 19, 2008 11:04 AM

They did meet in 1970 before her marriage through polo, and I believe she was already engaged (forbidden fruit?). 23 y.o. woman vs 21 year old heir to the throne a big difference at that age; honestly I don't think would have ever flown then, maybe a fling who knows - a Royal Navy officer with the pick of the world?

This was some many years ago and she was a) a commoner b) 18 months older and also considered somewhat racy... Also had pretty much the same hair style as she does now... lol.

Later meetings with a discreet, mature, humourous woman, with very similar interests and broad life experience? Realistically Diana really didn't stand a chance; from broken home to kindy assistant to Princess of Wales; allegedly having been approved and mentored by her husbands long term mistress...

The betrayal of finding your mentor/friend Camilla was actually your husband's mistress must have been bitter indeed. Imported Royals - who needs them?

PS Not a conspiracy theorist either. If they had been wearing seatbelts it is unlikely they would have died.

Posted by: firelightlady at May 18, 2008 12:47 PM

Firelightlady l watched a doco on Foxtel yesterday about Charles and Camilla and their history.
They certainly go back many years. She had been going out with Andrew Parker-Bowles and was also seeing Charles at the same time. When he was on some sort of tour, she became engaged to Parker-Bowles and married him.

The relationship between Charles and Camilla continued during her marriage.
It was said in the doco that Parker - Bowles laid down his wife for his country.

It wasn't until the affair was "made public" by the Camillagate tapes that they divorced, some saying that he was quite comfortable sharing his wife with the Prince of Wales.

The doco also touched on his relationships with Davina Sheffield, Lady Jane Wellesley, Diana's sister, Sabrina Guinness and others.
That he was pressured into marriage with Diana, is in no question, someone without a past who would bear an heir and a spare.

I think that Prince Harry looks like her sister Sarah, the red hair and profile are quite similar....................K

Posted by: auntykaz at May 18, 2008 12:36 PM

Posted by: cutesmile52 at May 17, 2008 3:43 PM

Gee, some one on a dating site might not be who he says he is, how out of the ordinary is that !! He he........

Posted by: jenjen57 at May 18, 2008 12:13 PM

Firelight: Many thanks for all those details. I seem to remember hearing of Chas meeting and fancying Camilla before her marriage - at Uni perhaps? And her then being married off, to get rid of her? Is that correct?

Posted by: timewarp1 at May 18, 2008 10:27 AM

Virgil, Kaz and TW - before Charles's marriage he had dated Diana's sister who later married one of the court; he clearly needed to marry for an heir but his bride had to be 'virginal'. The affair with Camilla was well known and on-going, her husband was well rewarded for his diligence in service to the throne (head of Royal Army Veterinary corps - not a vet; and Silver Stick in waiting to the Queen - WTF?).

Diana's affair with whatisname was well after Harry's birth, and I doubt it was her first based on the Squidgeygate tapes, but let's face it most women's magazines don't let fact or chronology interfere with a good story.

Harry actually takes after Diana's side of the family in respect to looks and colouring more than his father's at this time of his life - just check out her family photos for more evidence particularly those of his uncle Earl Spencer. Ears and noses grow all your life so he will probably become more like his much older father later on...

If one truly believes such things as DNA etc aren't checked in royal families with all the inbreeding therein I am surprised. Charles got his 'heir and a spare' and that was that.

Charles needed to marry and it was sorted. I doubt he was ever faithful to Diana or Camilla or anyone else for that matter - droits de seigneur...

Posted by: firelightlady at May 18, 2008 1:56 AM

i met this guy on an international friendship site he sounded wonderful so i asked if i could be his friend...we talked for a couple of days....he seems so kind and understanding he then asked me to call him which i did immediately...to my horror his voice sounded muffled and he could barely speak...i told him i didnt think he was who he said he was...his written english was perfect...(he is from england he said) then i said i had to go...what do you think? it really spooked me!

Posted by: cutesmile52 at May 17, 2008 3:43 PM

Charles and Diana were probably the last of the "marriage of convenience" types the royals were so fond of...indeend maybe the aristocracy.
Can't you just hear QE2 saying "we are not amused".............K

Posted by: auntykaz at May 17, 2008 11:44 AM

...no, Virgil, I meant Camilla...Harry is about the only member of the royal family that I like...just a bit...the rest are W****Rs...royal ones at that:))

Posted by: istj54 at May 17, 2008 6:03 AM

istj: or did you mean Chuck's girlfriend, as I suspect? The moment I heard about her and saw a photo, I thought "Camilla is from Charles's tribe."

Diana and he had never looked right together to me, and I'd believed the story that Court wanted to get him away from the Mick girl he liked, and marry them both off quickly to others - and that Diana had dated one of Charles's younger brothers, and that's where the studmaster had found her for him. But all that's only my male intuition.

Posted by: timewarp1 at May 16, 2008 11:27 PM

ISTJ

I presume you mean Harry's girlfriend, and No, I havent had the pleasure, but no doubt I will catch up on that reading soon when I go to my local chinese takeaway, and flick through the magazines.

Posted by: virgil at May 16, 2008 9:19 PM

...haven't you seen the girlfriend, Virgil?

Posted by: istj54 at May 16, 2008 8:07 PM

Charlie & Di & Camilla

Not sure how Charlie got a raw deal, had his girlfriend on the side, his wife who gave him 2 lovely children.

Supposing Harry is not his, hmmm do you think he is rushing off to the DNA lab?

I certainly wouldnt be.

Both his boys will be an enormous comfort to Charlie, he is clearly in front, no matter who was the natural father, he will always be the Dad.

Posted by: virgil at May 16, 2008 12:44 AM

VDU

Absolutely, I feel sure that most fathers, would never want to know that infromation at some age of the child.

That may well be when the mother and child return from hospital after the birth, it may be when the child is 3,6,10,12 or whatever.

A father at 22, so when the child is 18, the father is 40. Allow 30 years where father and son/daughter enjoy each others company, then maybe, depending on circumstances, the child might then look after the father for 10 or more years.

This paternity fraud debate has been mostly carried by Marcus, who to the best of my knowledge is not a father.

It is not my assertion here that because Marcus is not a father, that his opinion is not as valuable as anyone elses.

I feel it is as VDU says, the father loves the child to bits, so therefore would never want to know the child wasnt his.

I suspect most fathers would feel that way.

Maybe the cheated person his the bloke whose natural child he/she is. That natural father is the one that misses out on a lifetime of love from that child.

Posted by: virgil at May 16, 2008 12:29 AM

Hi Interlocution,

I dont think there has ever been a case where the idea of "womens intuition" has been looked at as anything other than complimentary to women....it has never been looked at as seeing women having no ability to be reasonable or logical. What it is saying is that women seem to have a "sixth" sense about certain aspects in life...that has to be a plus...surely?

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at May 16, 2008 12:22 AM

Many years ago, I had a friend who discovered his ex-wife had been having an affair before and after the conception of their second child... he decided not to check the paternity of his then ten year old son simply because he loved that child to bits and he didn't want that to compromised. That's a loving father in my book.

Posted by: victoriadownunder at May 15, 2008 11:42 PM

Hey Iaminperth,

Especially when you hear the rumour that Harry might not actually be his blood son...Charlie got a raw deal out of the whole marriage.

I remember that paragon of virtue Mother Theresa, who unflinchingly railed against divorce as a sin under god, being asked what she though about her friend Diana being divorced from Charles....her response....I hope she will find happiness now that she has escaped that horrible situation. Seems that when it comes to influential friends even saints play favourites.

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at May 15, 2008 11:34 PM

Why on earth would l jump down your neck, Iaminperth, in regards to that.
That adults have the ability to stuff things up with children is most definitely true.....
K

Posted by: auntykaz at May 15, 2008 11:01 PM

iaminperth, re children, waiting for my plane back to Tassie a couple of days ago there was the most delightful little child with her mother and grandmother sitting behind me. The little girl (aged approximately 3 or 4) was talking on the phone to her dad and shouting jubilantly "we're going to TASMANIA" in the most excited voice I've heard in a long time. I'm always quietly content to be returning home, but it was a sheer delight to hear that amount of excitement in her voice.

Posted by: malsie at May 15, 2008 10:42 PM

Yay Virgil...good stuff...nice stuff, children are such good little creatures, born so innocent then adults seem to have a very good ability to stuff them up. Before Kaz or anyone jumps down my neck, that's my opinion and I'm entitled to have it.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 15, 2008 10:18 PM

Paternity fraud

Its probably got something to do with access to the child, and how much the father loved the child.

Like if the couple split up, soon after the child was born, the wife went to live with a long time friend, I would be suspicious and maybe would want DNA testing.

If there was no 3rd party, (as in bloke) and the marriage, or relationship was solid until the child was 9 or 10 or something, the child would be mine, no matter whose sperm created him or her.

It may be something to consider the other end of the scale.

What say I contributed to the raising of a child that came from another mans sperm?

So what? when I am old, and maybe unable to look after myself, that same child would most likely love me, and look after me.

This child, now a mature adult, would say this is my father, this is the man that taught me right and wrong, who picked me up when I fell down.

Posted by: virgil at May 15, 2008 10:04 PM

My estimation and respect for Prince Charles went thru thru the roof when I look at his son Harry. Now there is a man who loves his son. I sincerely believe the mother and the father are the people who do the parenting. I don't care who popped them out, anyone can do that, but the parenting and love, that is the most important bit and how special Harry must feel.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 15, 2008 8:25 PM

WnW, don't know the answer to that one, but maybe emotional needs would be taken into consideration, as well as the emotional support and guidance given to the child over the years would be taken into account.
Well that is what l think it should encompass, more so than financial support, as the emotional needs would far outweigh the financial..............K

Posted by: auntykaz at May 15, 2008 11:48 AM

well said WB i love a good 'oint'

Posted by: twoeyes at May 15, 2008 11:14 AM

Good points all l think....
This discussion is actually going somewhere at the moment instead of being dragged down into rubbish.
Amberlight, the child or children is of course papramount in any breakdown of a marriage / relationship.
That some parents do not recognise this is a betrayal of the child's rights as l see it.
The right to see both parents in a non confrontational and amicable way.
I am glad that my kids were 17 and 19 at the time of my split and were able to make up their own minds as regards to when and where they saw their father, and were both happy to do so.
That arrangement suited all parties..................K

Posted by: auntykaz at May 15, 2008 10:53 AM

Hear hear amberlight. How, indeed can anyone walk away from the child they have loved and nurtured for x number of years? Does that love and emotional connection just evaporate into thin air the moment they find out about the infidelity of the mother? Surely not. Be (justifiably) angry at her, but don't destroy the happiness and emotional stability of an innocent child - that is inexcusable.

Posted by: traybit63 at May 15, 2008 10:34 AM

Well I have not read all the posts but am I right in saying that the comments have gotten a tad off the point?
I totally believe in womens intuition, I myself experience it quite often. Is it a sexist term, perhaps, but its more about the fact that women are more in tune with their emotional side than most men are. And that is where the intuition comes from. You can say its not logical, even irrational at times, but in my case, my intuition is yet to be proven wrong. Listening to that little voice has warned me of many things to come, both good and bad, and forewarned is forearmed as far as I am concerned. It works for me... :-)

Posted by: mystiemuse at May 15, 2008 10:12 AM

Very good oint, Amber..."If they have cheated themselves, can any man be 100% sure that they are not the biological father of a child that some other man thinks is his own?" Aren't some of you 'naturally' unfaithful males possibly doing damage to other men this way?

Posted by: waterbombe at May 15, 2008 7:59 AM

amberlight - interesting questions and remember that many men care for other men's children (as in step-father). I wonder what legal rights the man would have regarding sharing custody with a child that was later revealed not to be his.

Posted by: woodnwine at May 15, 2008 7:46 AM

Kaz,
I agree with you. Despite some of the arguments made here, it appears to me that no one is justifying paternity fraud.

For example, Waterbombe was just pointing out the "slight" hypocrisy of Marcus and some others, regarding their views that it's okay to cheat if you no longer agree with the concept of monogamy (you could try informing your partner first, it this is the way you are feeling!) yet are extremely upset at the thought of not being the real father of a child, which obviously then means their partner must have cheated on them?!

If they have cheated themselves, can any man be 100% sure that they are not the biological father of a child that some other man thinks is his own?

My own 4 children are definitely the children of my ex-husband, I could never have lied to any man about my child's paternity.

However, there is one thing I can never understand, if a man does find out 10 or 15 years later that the child he thought was his, was fathered by another man, how can he just abandon that child simply because he now knows he is not the child's biological father?
I can understand that he would be so angry at the child's mother, and so hurt.
But how is it the child's fault?
Why does the child deserve to be abandoned by a person he/she trusts and loves, simply because that person now knows he is no longer the child's biological father?
So what? He has been the child's father in every other way for all those years! How can any person, no matter how upset, justify breaking that child's heart?

Ego? I'm sorry but anybody who could be so callous and cruel to a child, doesn't deserve to have his genes passed on to humanity anyway!

I can understand a man's despair and anger, and the feeling of wanting to "get back" at the woman who has cuckolded him, but the child is still the same person they loved the day before they found out the truth. So how could this one fact, destroy the love they had for this child?

I know of a woman who actually tried this on, because she didn't want the child to have anything to do with the father (even though the child was actually the man's biological child). Which was also cruel and despicable.
In formulating parenting plans, I doubt if the Family Court would care whether the father was a biological parent or not, if a child had been raised by him as his own for a number of years.
The interests of the child are paramount, something which many warring ex-partners forget, in their efforts to "win" and hurt each other.

I wonder how many men who devastate and abandon a child, simply because they find out the child was not "his", (children are not "ours" anyway!) regret their actions years later?

Posted by: amberlight58 at May 15, 2008 12:07 AM

Interesting! a new kid on the block? the first preamble got my attention, the rest I leave to you ladies
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at May 15, 2008 12:07 AM

Kaz.@ 11.16 pm
Sorry for that, it did not happen to me the soul destroying evidence of infidelity, in the first marriage. In the second it happened after the seperation and I did not judge, we were not one. He used to call to the house to pick her up for the weekend, no problem, he seemed respectful of her and she liked him, till she found out he was still married. Just another lesson of how complex life can be. Nor did I expect to have to pick up the pieces, but one does at the most unexpected times. It does teach you a lot about yourself when this happens. There is no excuse for a partner to do as happened to you in a time of need. I have seen the devestation of paternal fraud several times, not only perpetrated on the husband but on the wife presented with the evidence to her by another mother of her husbands child. Kaz, I have to agree with you on your last thought.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at May 14, 2008 11:59 PM

As someone who does not believe in the myth of women's intuition and who regularly employs logic and reason in his everyday existence. Of course, no one does this perfectly, but we try. And anyway, 'women's intuition' is an inherently sexist idea, when you look at it. It seems to imply that women are not as capable of reason and logic as men and must rely on some kind of mystical crutch to get by in the world. One might venture to say that the idea is inherently Victorian.

Posted by: interlocution at May 14, 2008 11:31 PM

OG l think maybe you are generalising a tad there.
I for one think that paternity fraud is unacceptable, just as l think infidelity is unacceptable....behaviour wise l am talking about.

l have spoken of infidelity from a personal point of view. I To me that is a worse thing to happen because it happened to me and was utterly devastating at the time. Particularly as l was recovering from fairly major spinal surgery at the time l found out about it. ..Note l say l found out....he didn't offer the information.
Not having been a perpetrator of paternity fraud, l can only imagine what that does to families, especially the man involved and more so the child/ren.
NEITHER is good form to my way of thinking.
The things humans can do to each other are abyssmal are they not ???.............K

Posted by: auntykaz at May 14, 2008 11:16 PM

Troy, Why wonder, it seems that some women seem to think that infedility is commonplace and morally wrong to women, while their presentation of a of a baby not the natural child of the father is ok, just the mind set and double standards of alpha femme contradictions here. Hard to enlighten a closed mind
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at May 14, 2008 10:29 PM

Riversong @ 4.29.
back? Nice to see you again. Are you well and happy. Test?
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at May 14, 2008 10:16 PM

Aah, Troy, while you are wondering, could you wonder about this. How is it that some of the men on here who are so worried about paternity fraud are also the people who are advocating infidelity as a natural and inevitable event that we should all take in our stride? What I'm wondering, Troy, is: where infidelity is commonplace, wouldn't it often be the case that the real daddy isn't the man Mum married? I mean, if infidelity is quite ok, no worries at all, then wouldn't men quite frequently be presented with babies who are not theirs? Why would it matter that their wives were unfaithful? I spot a bit of logical contradiction here, Troy, if I'm not mistaken. But perhaps you can enlighten me.

Posted by: waterbombe at May 14, 2008 6:21 PM

Test

Posted by: riversong1 at May 14, 2008 4:29 PM

Hi WB, although there are documented cases of babies being sent home with wrong mothers(with tragic results when discovered) I would not want to alarm anyone unduly with a silly comment. There are procedures and checks to be followed at the time of birth and afterwards which make the chances of it happening very minute, or they would have to be the result of some deliberate interference.. The baby has to be labelled and checked prior to leaving the delivery room.

BUT..of course I have a story... when my first baby was born they took here out without a wrist tag. Given that there was a room full of other babies the thought crossed my mind "what if they mix her up"
we'd only met briefly after all. :-)
Anyway I decided to keep the one I was allocated ( she was pretty and turned out great!, :-) ) and a few years later her brother arrived- a virtual clone.. he was cute too and also turned out great

Since starting school they have often been mistaken for twins, so I think all was well!

Marcus I am sure Inevitable Infidelity in Lizards, is your special subject not mine.

Posted by: thelynathdiary at May 14, 2008 2:23 PM

Still leaves me wondering about the other two haha.

Troy

Posted by: troyohboy at May 14, 2008 1:20 PM

Posted by: waterbombe at May 14, 2008 1:08 PM

OK WB, I think, however, that the woman would be thinking about herself more than the child in this circumstance.
I agree with perth re: paternity and believe cheating by anyone is unacceptable. Must say to perth however she is opening a can of worms when she poses the question of teenage behaviour. Good grief so many, many issues there I think.

Troy

Posted by: troyohboy at May 14, 2008 1:19 PM

No no, Troy, you have jumped the gun. I wouldn't lie about paternity, cheat, or tolerate it. That's my personal position and I am personally consistent. I think you might be confusing my attempt to understand someone else's actions with the values I hold for my own actions ...they are not one and the same thing. I accept that other people might behave differently from me, and I try tounderstand why...sometimes I find people have good reasons, even though I couldn't be personally comfortable with it. There is an important difference between judging someone by your own values and understanding them according to their own values, don't you think?

Posted by: waterbombe at May 14, 2008 1:08 PM

I don't find it interesting Troy I am shocked and saddened by some of the comments from the women here who display no empathy at all to the rights of a child. People wonder why teenagers play up today...maybe reading these blogs will explain a lot of that.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 14, 2008 12:58 PM

I personally think that one of the most heinous things a woman can do is lie about paternity. I do not believe in most cases that a woman does not know who the father of the child is unless she has been so drunk for a couple of months and has slept with any male she could. I am not thinking of the male or the female in this position I am thinking of the child. The father that the child has known all his life suffers horrific abandonment, learns that his mother is probably a liar, his father is not his and doesn't know who his father is. Also so far as any financial support goes, that is often withdrawn and the child suffers even further. To even suggest there can any any reason to condone these actions I find to be outrageous. To me it is the action of a totally selfish, self absorbed woman who has no idea what life or her duties as a mother are about.

Posted by: iaminperth at May 14, 2008 12:55 PM

I find it interesting that, to date, three different women with 'core values' on fidelity and cheating as being inexcusable in any circumstance, have excused a woman lying to a man over paternity. The most recent being WB who feels it is ok to, not only cheat on the bloke, but then to lie about the paternity, as the woman may be thinking of the baby. Different strokes for different folks (genders) it seems.

Troy

Posted by: troyohboy at May 14, 2008 12:44 PM

Actually Lynath, I'd like to see stats on baby name confusion in maternity wards. It might run to 4% as well! Are there any nurses out there who know of how often this happens? To be fair, Marcus, you couldn't hang draw and quarter the mum until you had proved guilt beyond all reasonable doubt.

I doubt most of the mothers are "wilful, cynical and calculated" too....I think many of them would be thinking of what is best for the child they are now carrying.

That's an interesting use of the word 'wilful'...you don't hear that used to describe men, do you: as in "he's a wilful man". I think women are 'wilful' if they go for what they want, whereas if men go for what they want they are described as "strong", "focussed", "natural hunters", "possessors of huge genitals destined by nature to find as many places as possible to deposit the products thereof" etc etc. Do you catch my drift?

Posted by: waterbombe at May 14, 2008 11:41 AM

Posted by: thelynathdiary at May 13, 2008 11:09 PM

That'd be right Chris. Sounds like a polished line. You could offer that with the 'Inevitable Infidelity?' women's-only course I hear you are planning.

Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at May 14, 2008 8:21 AM

Marcus,
might not be paternity fraud at all. Might be a bit of careless baby name tag confusion at the local matenity unit........

Posted by: thelynathdiary at May 13, 2008 11:09 PM

As l said, Marcus, it depends on our experience / perspective......K

Posted by: auntykaz at May 13, 2008 10:03 PM

Wonder how big the squeal would be if dna testing became manditory as an adjunct to a national data base, with the results available. My intuition says it would become romanticaly intolerant, and stop cheating dead, See 3 blogs in one answered.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at May 13, 2008 10:00 PM

Wow, this subject is great reading. Thank you to all the participants, you are all so amusing and well spoken.

For me, intuition is a funny little fish as it darts around and is unable to be caught. I believe intuition is a sense and we all have it, but some of us haven't developed it as well as others have. I find it hard to pinpoint what it is exactly.

Personally, intuition is 'a feeling' not explainable by logic. Before you actually make contact with someone, you react to a profile probably using a mix of 'likes and dislikes', 'previous good or bad experiences' and 'judgement skills ingrained during your childhood'. Sort of like judging a book by its cover. After all at this point you don't have enough information to determine whether they are who they say they are, or trust worthy etc. I would suggest that only when you have established contact by email, sms, phone, or face to face, can you start to let intuition play because you now have stimuli to react to. If you get a feeling just from a profile, I would suggest you have something stronger like psychic ability. (i.e You probably have psychic ability if just now you think... 'Oh I already knew she would say that! lol)

After all that though, I agree if you get strong feelings either good or bad, you should pay attention to that feeling and not dismiss it.

Posted by: ellerulz at May 13, 2008 9:31 PM

auntykaz at May 13, 2008 4:18 PM

The stats suggest from 4 to 15% to as many as 25% of kids/fathers are victims of paternity fraud.
The numbers are not precise and probably more towards the lower end.
A lot of this type of fraud is uncovered during testing for inherited conditions. Doctors are apparently counselled to provide information only on the liklihood of the condition tested for and not inform the father of his non paternity. It is suggested that only about 20% of doctors inform the father when a case is discovered. This is how a friend of a friend discovered his middle son was not his.
And of course it is worse than infidelity. Not only has the woman been unfaithful but she has perpetrated a emotional and economic deceit on the child, her partner, family and community and quite probably the kids biological father in a wilful, cynical and calculated way. The psychological damage to all concerned can be imagined and the legacy will last a lifetime.

G. Yes all things considered the childs welfare and the family unit has been the main focus in court decisions including the Liam Magill one recently. There are possible ways to address this but criminal sanction seems a bit unlikely.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at May 13, 2008 7:05 PM

WB, all those things you mentioned are crimes but, as far as I know, adultery is not...here anyways...I do not, and never have, condoned cheating...I was just tossing around thoughts, as is my right, on the topic.
If I caught anyone tampering with a child they could well provide the extra triplet for your rendition of Swan Lake.
I would consider incest to be by far worse than cheating any day of the week.

Posted by: istj54 at May 13, 2008 6:52 PM

Just a second...there I am being all rational and sympathetic....and then I had a second thought. And this was it: Marcus, why don't we apply your remedy for infidelity to paternity fraud. That is, paternity fraud is only a problem if it's discovered. The dad doesn't get hurt if he doesn't know about it!!! So let's brainstorm ways to cover it up!!! That way, no one will get hurt. This is brilliant. Let's lobby the government for research to find really effective ways to conceal paternity fraud, so that all those poor men out there don't get wounded when the truth outs.

Posted by: waterbombe at May 13, 2008 6:22 PM

It really doesn't matter what the little intuitive voices tell you, about the person its only a meeting that confirms or denies what you are thinking. Usually after the first five minutes you either confirm your intuition was right or wrong.
I will always stay as long as the other person wants to as I always try to be polite.

Posted by: libranmale at May 13, 2008 5:51 PM

There are no solid stats on paternity fraud, Auntykaz, because it is impossible to get accurate figures. You are relying on women to say honestly whether their husband is the father of the child....clearly, if he isn't but she hasn't told him yet, she will answer 'yes, he is the father'. Very few women would answer 'no, he's not the father' even if it's true that he's not ...why tell an anonymous questionnaire the biggest secret of your life? So researchers could go out and ask, but who's going to own up ? In fact, it may be quite rare, and perhaps hardly anybody needs to own up to it...it's a fact that we just don't know how prevalent it is, despite what may have happened to Marcus, three of his brothers and fifteen of his friends.

Posted by: waterbombe at May 13, 2008 5:36 PM

Marcus, had a brother in law who, after 11 years, found out that his son was in fact not his. Was told in a fit of rage one night but it was denied the next day. Had the blood test done and it was true. They divorced some years later but nought he could do about it. In fact their settlement took into account "his" looking after the child till it was of age, etc, simply because he'd accepted it as his own at birth and that was that. He tried to do something about it after she ended up with another chap but no way.. Pretty mean by anyone's standards...

It's getting better nowdays though. In fact there have been a few cases that I've heard of where the males are successfully challenging and winning.

Life deals out crap in it's various forms to both sexes. Some worse than others and some of us pay ridiculous sums of money when we've done bugger all wrong but unfortunately that's life. It sucks at times but we learn to build bridges and move on.
Not much else we can do is there and we only end up bitter if we don't.. Life's too short for that and besides.. There are more nice, honest and ethical people out there than bad. Aren't there?? Well, I'd like to think so anyway.. .

Cheers..."G"

Posted by: amdoingit at May 13, 2008 4:22 PM

What are the stats on paternity fraud then Marcus ??
Are you suggesting that it is a widespread thing??

you say that only women can commit it and that it is arguably much worse than infidelity.......

Well l would argue against that.....

My children were both fathered by my ex husband, but his infidelity was inexcusable
so to my way of thinking, infidelity is arguably worse........ guess it depends on life experience and perspective, as well as what barrow you are pushing...... the femme or the macho....... well it would have to be the macho wouldn't it?????............K

Posted by: auntykaz at May 13, 2008 4:18 PM

Paternity fraud isn't legal, Marcus. That word 'fraud' is a dead giveaway.

Although PF isn't legal, getting caught doing it is a different thing. As I recall men can't demand a paternity test? That's because of the effects on the child, I think...a loved dad of 10 years discovering he's not really dad and abandoning the child financially and emotionally...I think the Court didn't want to open that particular can of worms for kids. However that doesn't justify the deceit on the part of the mother, I agree.

Posted by: waterbombe at May 13, 2008 3:57 PM

For 'better or for worse' also apparently includes paternity fraud. An unrecognised offense and a legalised crime only women can commit against men and one arguably much worse than any infidelity.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at May 13, 2008 3:40 PM

well, you have a point there, istj...does 'worse' in the "for better or worse" marriage vows include infidelity, incest, assault, murder, etc etc. I mean WHERE does a girl draw the line? It's just so hard to know these days.

Posted by: waterbombe at May 13, 2008 3:01 PM

Virgil, fish oil and glucosamine help to replace your cartilage...best to take it with chondroitin and msn too...and you have to take a daily dose, because it won't fix the problem permanently, but it will keep some forms of arthritis at bay as long as you take it regularly. It makes a huge difference to some people but that depends on the cause of the arthritis or loss of cartilage.

Posted by: waterbombe at May 13, 2008 2:21 PM

Thank-you all for your well wishes!
Retta and Mark.

Posted by: redgem65 at May 13, 2008 11:05 AM

...my intuition says that I will be in for a tongue lashing and made to say many Hail Marys for my sacriligious behaviour on the cheating blog...

Posted by: istj54 at May 13, 2008 7:45 AM

Marcus

I know you hold Richard Dawkins in very high esteem, and I use fish oil, gucosamine, and massage and and Hydro therapy, so I was wondering if he has made comment about such things.

I can feel the benefits of the hydrotherapy and massage, but really dont know whether the fish oil or glucosamine do much.

Posted by: virgil at May 12, 2008 9:04 PM

Couldn't resist this one, had to join in. For intuition try reading Malcolm Gladwell's 'Blink' - the notion that humans thin-slice experiences and sub-consciously rate or align them against multiple other experiences. Interesting read. Many other theories to support it or offer alternatives in the reference list.
Me? I use intuition all the time. Is it a 'learned' subconscious response overlaid with expert education and multiple exposures or more simply an intuitive recognition of a more highly evolved subconscious? I would like to think the latter; I suspect the former is truer.

On RSVP? I believe that most judge by a photo or misread profile expecting true love at first sight (I am not covering the sharks of both genders just circling the baitfish).

I haven't had a lot of luck on here. Coles or the local beach delivers a far better return but then I am no Elle Macpherson and that seems to be what my on-line age group is looking for...except she is a too much older, working, single mother, with issues (so maybe not!) - trust me guys the 20-32 years olds are mostly not too interested in your kids, your family, or your mates!

Intuition? yep it has helped sort the wheat from the chaff on phonecalls, but is no help on the mystery that is male/female behaviour... that's just chemistry perhaps...

Posted by: firelightlady at May 12, 2008 8:50 PM

virgil at May 12, 2008 7:46 PM
Pastor.
A scientist like Dawkins examines and evaluates claims and evidence before saying anything.
I think we have been 'taking' fish oil, vitamins an enjoying massage for their nutritional/therapuetic properties well before the Health Insurance companies realised they could make a lot of money from adding them too. HIF's are not research organisations, they require credibility but their concerns are primarily commercial not medical.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at May 12, 2008 8:48 PM

Ha laminperth, my ridgey would probably have a crack at the retriever, being a male dog and protecting the turf, however my lab would welcome with open paws..... and a wag of the tail........, she is like that.............K

Posted by: auntykaz at May 12, 2008 8:10 PM

Many therapies which were once considered alternative, now receive health insurance fund rebates, therefore it seems they have been brought under the umbrella of mainstream medicine.

Things such as Naturopath services, Massage Therapy and vitamins, particularly fish oil, and gluosamine.

I wonder if Richard Dawkins program went to air 20 years ago, these things might have been described by him as quackery?

Posted by: virgil at May 12, 2008 7:46 PM

I dunno,lovemusik...what's your name....Carina...Karina...Posted by: lovemuzik at May 12, 2008 3:53 PM.

I still think you are an rsvp staff member, who's trying to get the blog back on the subject.

Redgem, hope it goes well for you!

Posted by: waterbombe at May 12, 2008 7:40 PM

I couldn't possibly date the guy with the Golden Retriever, my dog would get very jealous, LOL !!! Lighten up for Gods sake you lot, this is not a battlefield, it's a blog and no-one is right or wrong!!!

Posted by: iaminperth at May 12, 2008 7:32 PM

Intuition at Work... posted by laughsand talks (Marquis) 6.56pm

You wrote this entry in reply to my entry. And I just want to say I hope anyone who reads my entry, reads y ours too. It was an interesting read. Many thanks!

All the best!

Posted by: lovemuzik at May 12, 2008 7:17 PM

Redgem..Congrat's..Hope it all goes well for you.. Cheers..."G"

Posted by: amdoingit at May 12, 2008 7:02 PM

lovemuzik at May 12, 2008 3:53 PM

Intuition At Work.

Lesson 1. The Earth Must Be Flat.

Unsupported objects fall to the ground.

Every child knows this so the earth cannot be round.

Lesson 2. Who to trust?

A woman first-dates a burly, swarthy 45 yo man who contacted her through RSVP. He has tatoos and is wearing dark sun glasses. He looks her over uninhibitedly. She has coincidentally just found out that he has spent time in jail for rape and murder. He is extremely good looking and personable.

A woman meets a 45 yo man from RSVP on a first date. He has just said good bye to his 2 adult daughters and has a Golden retriever seated beside him. She has coincidentally found out that he is a respected medical Dr. looking to partner for life. He is good looking and personable.

What does she do?

An Answer: This being RSVP she discretely shags them both.

More likely answer:

You would expect 'intuition' to kick in and the first man to be rejected.

Dawkins says "it is beneficial for an organism with respect to its survival to form an opinion on something with respect to it's apparent intent rather than on the basis of it's underlying science." Her decision tallies with this theory.

It turns out that the Dr. is deranged and has contracted HIV and is looking for a partner to revenge infect.
The jailbird was framed and pardoned, and for all the right reasons is eminently suited to the woman.

Always trust your intuition or gut feeling 100%. Never do a bit of checking on big decisions.

Cheers Marquis

Posted by: laughsandtalks at May 12, 2008 6:56 PM

Posted by: redgem65 at May 12, 2008 9:06 AM

Good luck with your "him", Red, hope all goes well for you.

Posted by: jenjen57 at May 12, 2008 6:42 PM

Marcus @ 1.08pm...
"The point I didn't need to make was that silver bullet, hocus pocus cures for cancer and AIDS especially, for instance, abound, and when someone is suffering and hope is at a low ebb the unscrupulous will move in offering cure at extortionate prices".

Perhaps you did need to make the point, Marcus.. & differentiate between the vast array of therapies & remedies often covered by the term 'New Age'.
And being honest & rational, I'm perfectly happy to say that Of Course I'm not averse to all the benefits science brings.. how did you read that into my post? It's merely that I'm also open to ideas as yet unproven by science.

Note the words 'open to' Marcus.
I do not say 'believe in', so don't credit me with beliefs I've not expressed.

I also don't remember extolling the virtues of "silver bullet, hocus pocus cures for cancer and AIDS.. or stating that my New Age beliefs encompassed.. well.. everything not considered 'mainstream'..

"woolly, amethyst-tinged thinking"?
Marcus.. how prettily patronising you are, haha! Did you ever write poetry?

Posted by: decoratress at May 12, 2008 6:06 PM

Gee l feel like l am back at school..................K

Posted by: auntykaz at May 12, 2008 5:27 PM

Why has the discussion turned suddenly into alternative medicine? Is it because of the word 'intuition'? That to say you follow your 'intuition' means you're not following a line of logic that is mainstream?

If so, what is a decision based on logic or common sense? Does it guarantee a postive outcome? The answer is: normally it does.

But take for example, the victims of 9/11. Their logic and common sense that day was to go to work like every other day. How could they have guessed that there was going to be a terrorist attack on their building that day?

The truth is none of us know for sure (100%) what's going to happen the next minute, the next hour, next day, next week, next month, next year.

I'd like to put forward here that we make most our decisions based on intuition. "Often we have to rely on intuition," says Bill Gates.

A lecturer of mine once said that education is to help us make better decisions in the future. I'd like to add that those decisions can be based on experience and education, but in the end we make decisions based on gut feelings/intuition/whatever you want to call it.

As I've already pointed out in a previous blog (the first one this thread), my problem is working out the source of my intuition. I've read a lot on this subject.

My readings by spiritualists and psychics tell me our intuition is nothing but our spirt guides guiding us to make decisions.

My readings on religion tell me our intuition is nothing but the voice of God helping us and guiding us in our decisions.

My readings of popular psychology seem to tell me that sometimes our intuition can be influenced by high or low expectations that we have of ourselves or by our lack of self esteem.

I wonder what kind of discusion would take place here, if the topic wasn't 'intuition' by instead 'decision making'.

DECISION MAKING...HOW GOOD IS YOUR ABILITY TO MAKE DECISIONS ON WHO TO REJECT OR ACCEPT ON RSVP?

I guess the discussion then would involve concrete details such as: a person's photo, whether it's uptodate or not, a persons choice of words on how they describe themselves, a persons ability to grab your interest or repel your interest.

I think if this discussion was to occur, I'll bet somebody would start talking about intution at some point and how important a part it plays on decision making.

So what's my point here? Basically, that we are using intuition all the time. Even the decision of whether to post this entry or not was based on intuition.

Unlike my previous comment (which was meant as a joke haha), intution never takes a holiday.

I know I also said (on an earlier entry) I didn't have anything else to say on this subject but I guess I was wrong. I think when I said it, I was expecting someone else to write (on this blog) what I've just written here.

Richard Dawkins? What do I think of him? Basically, I don't know how he can live with himself? How does he sleep at night? Everything has to be complete science or it's rubbish!!! Really!? Like I said, I don't know how he can go about his day to day life and think like this! I'm sure Richard Dawkins doesn't believe in intuition. It would be a notion that is complete rubbish to him! I'm sure he would say all his decisions are based on evidence before him and EVIDENCE ALONE! Let him. It's his prerogative. Just as it is my prerogative to say that I believe most of my decisions are based on intution.

Whether my decisions turn out for the best or not well I can only hope they do turn out for the best. There are other forces beyond my control out there. I have to accept that.

I have to say that it's made me feel just wonderful to read those bloggers who wrote saying how they were happy to follow their intuition. I don't know why, but my spirits were lifted by reading positive accounts like that.

All the best!
Carina

Posted by: lovemuzik at May 12, 2008 3:53 PM

decoratedresses May 12, 2008 9:59 AM
Of course scientific medicine incorporates innovations.
The point I didn't need to make was that silver bullet, hocus pocus cures for cancer and AIDS especially, for instance, abound, and when someone is suffering and hope is at a low ebb the unscrupulous will move in offering cure at extortionate prices.

I'm not sure that extolling your doctor's virtues adds anything to your ability to make a point.
Your statement " ... My profile may state 'New Age', but I see this as being open to new discoveries of all kinds, & certainly not a discarding of everything previously proven." is a classic of woolly, amethyst tinged thinking.
Being open to new discoveries and innovations (and testing them of course) is precisely what science is about.Of course you are not averse to all the benefits science brings. Why not be honest and rational and say it.
New Age on the hand goes contrary to that and implies an unquestioning creedence being given to almost any extraordinary, unverifiable pseudo claim. I look at things, examine, seek information, weigh up the logical liklihood, attempt to gain experience and make a decision. If the info changes, as it often does. I change my opinion. Using that deductive approach on the New Ager's acceptance of their beliefs implies minds so broad that theircrystallised brains have fallen out of their arses.

Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at May 12, 2008 1:08 PM

I have often wondered about some of the alternate therapies such as Reiki and similar things. The foot massage therapy feels wonderful. I dont know what it is really supposed to do, or whether it does it, but it feels good.

What about ear candles, they are more likely to be obtained from "new age" sources than the local pharmacy, so where do they sit?

Posted by: virgil at May 12, 2008 10:23 AM

Marcus

I assume you mean by coming into the mainstream, the "alternate" practices that are now covered by Medical Insurance & Health funds.

My health Fund HIF of WA covers services from Naturopaths, Massage therapy Hydrotherapy and quite possibly some other services I havent used yet.

Posted by: virgil at May 12, 2008 10:17 AM

Marcus @ 12.29am...

Get with the times Marcus... many alternative remedies have indeed become part of mainstream medicine. Perhaps you've simply not come across these examples... asking a progressive GP might demonstrate this fact to you.

My GP remains in general practice because he loves it. In fact several years ago he knocked back the job of Head of Surgery at The Alfred Hospital in Melbourne because he hates the politics in Medicine at that level. He makes several trips a year to Sydney to train Navy doctors in hyperbaric medicine, & is held in huge regard by his peers across all medical specialties.
He embraces all practices which work, with enthusiasm.. & regularly prescribes natural alternatives to the giant pharmaceutical companies' products, as well as alternative modes of treatment.

With 60,000 letters after his name, I'm more likely to trust his opinions on health than I am yours, Marcus. I've no time for placebos.. I'm somewhat of a skeptic myself, & will admit to efficacy only after I get irrefutable results.. I'm not gullible in that way.
My profile may state 'New Age', but I see this as being open to new discoveries of all kinds, & certainly not a discarding of everything previously proven.

While you're obviously a chaser of fact, Marcus, it seems to me that you only chase the facts you feel support your rigidly held views. You're big on statistics, but we all know how easily they're manipulated to show varying viewpoints. I guarantee that most statistics can be found to have several different results &/or interpretations.

Rigid thinking is the sign of a closed mind.
Closed minds hinder learning.
Just a thought.. haha..?

Posted by: decoratress at May 12, 2008 9:59 AM

Marcus

I feel that in any kind of writing, especially on here, meaning can be lost, or possibly a different meaning picked up.

You are right, One can only get superficial understanding from a TV program, and I will get some of his books and look more deeply into what he says, as he seems to be genuine, and a deep thinker.

Posted by: virgil at May 12, 2008 9:37 AM

Marcus @ 12.36am...
"Smart people think with their brains not their guts."

Confucius say smart people think with both sides of brain...

Posted by: decoratress at May 12, 2008 9:16 AM

About 5 yrs ago I was shopping in my local supermarket, when a feeling of something really awful was about to happen.
I felt sick to the stomach and my heart began racing, as I walked along but didn't know why. Within about 2/3 minutes, the lady and her adult daughter in front of me began to stagger. Then the daughter just stopped, dropped to her knees and slid to her side. I was running for them then, to find she was also holding a newborn baby in her arms! Her mother n I grabbed them both and cradled them. She was out cold for like a minute, just out of hospital.
It was sooo alarming and quick. We attended her, the baby fine and back to hospital she went. Needless to say, the rest of my day was a washout. With my gut feelings, the sudden collapse, baby and all... I was flabberghasted at the day's events.
Since then I listen to my intuition, particularly when I get such sudden, strong feelings wash over me.
Red

PS I don't think I will be on this site much longer, I think I have found 'him'! Good luck to you all in your searches.

Posted by: redgem65 at May 12, 2008 9:06 AM

I think Murkass is right, Virgil (Only on this point though :-) If something alternative works, it is picked up quickly..such as acupuncture, massage (sports massage fixes many injuries), lemon-and-honey drinks for colds, which doctors recommend now in early stages if combined with temperature-lowering paracetamol...

But it's hard to think of other alternative remedies that are mainstream. Chinese medicine fascinates me though...a workmate just had years of insomnia cured in a month's treatment by acupuncture and Chinese herbs...but Chinese medicine is not 'alternative' in China. There's a point. What does 'alternative' mean?

Posted by: waterbombe at May 12, 2008 8:55 AM

blondenursey at May 11, 2008 5:39 PM
Women are often better at picking up subtle body language and demeanour cues than men. But not always.
This ability means a logical process is at work in decision making about character.
If you follow a feeling 'religiously' ie with faith and hope rather than logic and proof, you really are in trouble. More fraud and lies have been perpetuated by the religions than anyone. It is like a 'gut feeling'.
Smart people think with their brains not their guts.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at May 12, 2008 12:36 AM

Padre.
You need to look at the great detail that a scientist like Dawkins is obliged to go into to examine various claims.
The information refuting hocus pocus of all sorts but especially medical is carefully garnered, scientific and by definition detailed and often relatively inaccesable; not conducive to lightweight TV discussions.
Point about alternative remedies.
If something alternative did work it would very quickly become part of mainstream medicine. It is alternative because it has no quantifiable effect. Another point is that the placebo effect is well recognised and usually the sole reason why the hocus pocus remedies have any affect.
I haven't seen the Compass programs, but it is beyond doubt the Deepak Chopra is a fraud and a charlatan.

Posted by: laughsandtalks at May 12, 2008 12:29 AM

Richard Dawkins

Tonight I watched the second of 2 episodes of "Compass" on the ABC that was based on Richard's examination of alternative medicine.

This one, I saw all the way through.

He discussed his views with various people known to some of us, no doubt.

He talked with Deepak Chopra, he went to Glastonbury and spoke to various people.

In these days of high acceptance of charkra's energy fields etc, he spoke to proponents of these.

I suspect it was very similar to Sam Newman's "street talk" in that the stupidest people interviewed are the ones actually shown.

Maybe it is just that alternative treatments are mostly felt to work, but people just dont know why.

The new age double blind studies on some new age remedies seem to rate lower than Brendon Nelson, so are said to be random.

Homeopathic remedies seem to use very small amounts of active ingredient to make Richard very sceptical of them.

He feels as a society, we are moving away from scientific method, towards new age remedies.

I feel I would like to know more about what he says, before I have much of an opinion on it.

I wonder, are we as a society moving away from scientific method, towards new age stuff?

If so, why are we doing that?

Could it be that we are being conned? Does the emperor have no clothes?

Are we saying, I dont know why this works, but it just seems to work for me?

Posted by: virgil at May 11, 2008 10:58 PM

Being a woman I guess is an advantage as we seem to have it over the guys with that.
Posted by: blondenursey at May 11, 2008 5:39 PM

I strongly doubt that generalisation.

Certainly in my experience it has been my female friends and acquaintances that have either been grossly mislead by their intuition or not listened to their own or mine.

If I had a dollar for every opportunity I have had to say "I told you so", well I would have more money than I do right now.

Some individuals have it. Some don't and it appears to me to be without rhyme or reason.

Posted by: stoic at May 11, 2008 7:57 PM

I trust my intuition, feelings, call it what you may.
Being a woman I guess is an advantage as we seem to have it over the guys with that.
Its a feeling you get when you know somethings not right long before you even know what it is. I have had this many times and I have now begun to follow them religiously, they are my feelings so they have to be right for me.
I have had many experiences and my intuition /judgement has always been confirmed.
A few situations involving meeting men on here for instance, I have had my intutition confirmed many times over.
I now have accepted this and I go with it..
Helen..

Posted by: blondenursey at May 11, 2008 5:39 PM

Virgil
The sunnies guy was outside on a cloudy day, also sitting under cover where sunnies were not needed,or to be polite remove them for at least a few minutes and with a few things he had said I made sure I took notice of the gut feeling and left at a quick but polite speed.
So for me I feel I should take note first off what my intuition/ gut feeling or what ever one likes to call it.
Marcus was right about common sense at work after I found out the information.

Posted by: jgc2 at May 11, 2008 2:08 PM

Actually Marcus intuition was telly me prior to meeting this guy that all was not right, but I failed to listen. Common sense came in after finding out the information, BUT if I had listened to the gut feeling from the start it would never have gotten to the stage I would have met him. I think it was more me failing my intuition.
Cheers have a good day.

Posted by: jgc2 at May 11, 2008 11:22 AM

Intuition

My understanding of intuition, would be that all outward signs are positive, where a rational person would move forward, based on facts, intuition would step in, and warn the person not to move forward.

Or maybe the other way, all rational signs say stop, where intuition says proceed.

For intuition to work, it has to be listened to and acted upon, otherwise it will disappear.

Posted by: virgil at May 11, 2008 11:17 AM

jcc2

Yours story clearly indicates you took appropriate action as soon as you knew the facts, as Marcus says, your intuition failed you big time.

Mr sunglasses, well you dont say, whether it was outside, where it would be appropriate to wear sunnies, or inside where it would be suspicious.

Again, it sounds like your intuition let you down.

Posted by: virgil at May 11, 2008 11:10 AM

jgc2 May 10, 2008 6:23 PM

What did that episode have to do with intuition? Sounds like judgement and common sense at work after you had gathered some information.
Sounds like 'intuition' failed you big time.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at May 11, 2008 10:48 AM

Hi All,

I have not been on a lot of RSVP dates but every woman I have met here has been extremely nice....with one exception. Guess what....she was the only person I decided to meet when every alarm bell in me was ringing; and it had nothing to do with her profile; it was the way she wrote her emails, as in the style.

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at May 10, 2008 11:24 PM

intuition......................................

if it seems too good to be true, then it probably is

Posted by: twoeyes at May 10, 2008 7:18 PM

Thanks to this site I have learnt to listen to my intuition a lot more.
A couple of years ago I met a guy from here and through email he seemed ok, but had a gut feeling he might be a drinker or on drugs at times, told myself I was just being to picky, and agreed he could join myself and a few other friends for a Sunday afternoon drink. The guy was a true charmer that day so I said yes to a date, he then bragged about being in jail and was not allowed to see his kids without supervision. At this stage huge bells went off and I told him I did not wish to see him again, for 3 days after I got threatening calls and emails, he also had followed me and found where I lived. The police were called in and he even threatened them think it was a friend of mine calling him.The police advised me not to be alone at all for a few days until a IVO was in place as this guy had many problem. I left this site and it has taken 2 yrs to get the courage to try again, he is still active on here but so far I have avoided him.
Then to top it off this time around the first guy I agreed to meet for a coffee sat with his sunnies on the whole time (bad gut feeling) so did not agree to meet again, next day I had several porn emails sent to me, glad the intuition kicked in early there.
A couple of bad eggs does not make the rest of the men bad so I am not leaving this time, BUT I will listen closely to the intuition from now on.

Posted by: jgc2 at May 10, 2008 6:23 PM

On talking to other people, it appears that "intuition" is strongly felt by most people, even those quite young.
My own 11yo has spoken about "not feeling comfortable" about visiting a friend's house when he was asked, even though the child's parents seemed fine to talk to, he liked the other child and I had never heard anyone saying anything bad about them.
I didn't force the issue even though the other child was disappointed.

In my own case, I have found that it was when I ignored my "uncomfortable" feelings about things, such as signing up to build a new house with a particular builder (only a couple of years ago) or even when I married all those years ago (I actually never felt really comfortable with getting married, but "everyone", friends and family "expected" and wanted us to), that things went wrong, often right from the start!

When I was pregnant with my 4th child, I just had this awful feeling there was something wrong, from the very early days of my pregnancy.
At 18 1/2 weeks the ultrasound scan showed my baby had a severe deformity that was "incompatible with life".and in view of this I had a termination.
Her deformity was severe and was such that she would have most been stillborn or died within a few hours after birth.
Although I was terrified during my next pregnancy that something was going to go wrong, I never had that feeling of absolute "dread" (the only way I can describe it!) I had in the early days of my previous pregnancy.
My son was born prematurely and was in NICU for 8 days, but was fine and although I had been nervous and scared, I had never "felt" as if something was really wrong.

In fact, when I have felt "comfortable" about something, it has mostly worked out very well.
(However, I can't equate this with RSVP, as I haven't dated anybody yet. I did attend a "bloggers meet" which I felt very comfortable about attending and enjoyed immensely. Thanks guys!)

Posted by: amberlight58 at May 10, 2008 4:55 PM

rjp164 @ 12.16am..

hahaha... yes, the phone thing happens to me often!
Occasionally, I'm so sure of who's calling that I answer them by name.. when that happens I'm correct about 4 times out of 5.

This type of foresight has definitely become stronger as I've got older.. or perhaps I've got better at 'hearing' it.
I just wish it applied to things other than the phone! ..and that I could see things a little further ahead than a couple of minutes!

I'm not sure though, if that's intuition or prescience..
The dictionary says:
- Intuition is "the ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning"
- Prescience is "having or showing the knowledge of events before they take place".

Enjoy the weekend everyone!

Posted by: decoratress at May 10, 2008 10:14 AM

Spooooookkkkeeeeee rip5164...happens to me too.

Posted by: istj54 at May 10, 2008 7:35 AM

i hav all the time i pick up my fone and then i either get a txt or call and iv had ma m8ts around to prove i realised it was gonna happen be4 it even vibrated and the h phone ive imagined it ringing whent to answer it to find out it waznt ringing so i went to wlk away and the bastard starts ringing ,gave me quite a bloody shock

Posted by: rjp5164 at May 10, 2008 12:16 AM

I was once told how to determine whether to go forward or not.

A light feeling in the chest, was an indication to go forward, whereas a constriction feeling in the stomach meant to stop, go back, not proceed.

This process has served me well for the 4 years I have known about it.

Posted by: virgil at May 9, 2008 11:22 PM

Karina,
Probably one way around the hidden profiles would be to display the age and sex of the poster on the ID and time posted area as "Hidden". It would save a lot of shuffling around. Then I could choose to ignore or read.
Cheers OG.

Posted by: oldergent at May 9, 2008 10:10 PM

have you ever felt somebody was going to call you?, just before the phone actually rang and that person spoke? that is intuition, and intuition is such a big part of life, not just dating. intuition is a natural guide, another sense. Of course the chemistry between people is always vital, but true intuition, or gut feeling helps us determine if that chemistry will lead to something more rewarding, or if the chemistry will fade and we'd be better off with someone else. listen to your gut, i know it cliche, but it's more often than not true.

Posted by: dteguy2008 at May 9, 2008 9:31 PM

It is great to see so many new bloggers appear contributing opinions, points of view and experiences..a welcome from me, a part time blogger, and a wish for a fabulous weekend to everyone.
Cheers,
B.

Posted by: bm1960 at May 9, 2008 7:50 PM

Waterbombe@5.17 pm.
So my instincts/intuition saved me at 8yo and my school friend who did not have them was slain. I do not distinguish between them. I find them to be the inner knowing, and I have listened all my life, though not always well, and then have paid the price for not giving due attention. Nonetheless I agree with all the rest of you post
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at May 9, 2008 7:47 PM

My intuition is very good I deal with what i see rather than imagination or what I dreqam which many women call chemistry.
Men are very good and intuitive but they do not let on to the female .
they pretend , but know more than the female because they deal with what they see and hear and not imagination and an over active psyc.

I defend all males on this because I know that western women do not know their western men that well and are more concerned with themselves and what they imagine as being true.

Posted by: amodnar at May 9, 2008 6:17 PM

Waterbombe...Can you please pass on a message to your intuition? You said it thought I was a RSVP staff member. The message is this: "No, I'm not. I just like to write about subjects that I'm interested in and feel strongly about. So far I haven't been interested in writing anything hugely negative or controversial. Maybe next time!"

Having said that, don't tell me I still sound like a RSVP staff member!! I don't want to hear it! And that's me talking, not my intuition. (My intuition is on holidays at the moment.)

Posted by: lovemuzik at May 9, 2008 6:06 PM

Intuition, that sixth sense that says to us "hhhmmm" with a frown on our face.....
Something not quite gelling, .....

Listen to it.......it really is worth gold................K

Posted by: auntykaz at May 9, 2008 5:50 PM

OG, it's instinct that exists in mammals, not intuition.
Intuition is really hard to define. I'm not a magical thinker, I'm too ratonal for that, so I think intuition is actually very high speed thinking, based on years of experience. The more experience you have paid attention to (and not just ignored) the better your intuition. When you meet someone new, millions of previous small experiences are retrieved by your brain instantaneously and collide into an "impression" we call intuition. THat's why intuition is so accurate...we actually DO know what we are talking about when we base our decisions on it.

Posted by: waterbombe at May 9, 2008 5:17 PM

That's just my intuition speaking, lovemusik.

Posted by: waterbombe at May 9, 2008 5:09 PM

lovemusik, are you an rsvp staff member? You write exactly as I would expect one to write.

Posted by: waterbombe at May 9, 2008 5:09 PM

Hi all intuution is applies to both men and women, its just women may temper it with a bit of caution but i agree with redgem, I have an old dog who is a great judge of character, i wish i had his intuition lol. boss

Posted by: bossanova2008 at May 9, 2008 4:54 PM

There's a greatbook out called "Blink" which explains the phenomenon of intuition as that nanosecond in which you unconsiously absob information...fascinating read.

Posted by: ssshhh at May 9, 2008 4:23 PM

I'm not a blogger, so I don't know if I'm going to voice my thoughts in the most appropriate way - but here goes!

It seems the majority of posters here are women & the stereotypical response to that is that Intuition has normally been genderised as "Women's . . . " but I also think that it is a gift of the extra X chromosone. Speaking as a man, I feel that although men have it, it is not as dominant a trait as it is in women - men seem to have compensatory levels of Curiousity which would be the Yang to Intuition's Yin.

Looking at it from an atavistic viewpoint, Intuition allows women to "safeguard the nest" or protect the establishment and Curiousity is what drives men to explore or take the risks that lead to turning foolish escapades into courageous discoveries (when they turn out to be positive!).

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that in order to maximise our life experience we probably should try and temper one with the other to take us as far out of (or into) our comfort zones as current situation may allow. Otherwise we just live within ourselves and limit our opportunities - and as far as men are concerned, perhaps we should listen a bit more to the intuition buried under the testosterone and not do so many unecessary and perhaps foolish things?

I might throw in a few other Truisms that cover this - Curiousity Killed the Cat vs Risk Equals Rate of Return. All our feelings are real - it's just how we temper our reaction to them that shapes our lives - let's Enjoy without becoming too absorbed. Cheers!

Posted by: drawndeeper at May 9, 2008 3:46 PM

I'm looking forward to this subject too. Especially in relation to RSVP contacts and dating in general.
I even mentioned yesterday in the "Cheating" blog how I felt that I believed a lot of partners whould have had a knowing that all was not right when they looked back when their partner was cheating.
In life we get signs - we have to learn to go with them. Follow our instincts - that gut feeling. It is normally so right. We so often just don't want to know. We want it to be right. But there is that little voice that says "No - this isn't right." We have to learn to accept it. It's one of our senses really. Just not as developed as our main ones.
Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at May 9, 2008 3:26 PM

I met someone recently through RSVP who my intuition told me to be very wary of. He seemed to be a pretty nice guy and was quite charming, but some comments he made during our chats and phone conversations gave the impression he was into playing mind games and wasn't really genuine.

As I was fairly new to the concept of meeting people online and really still trying to test the waters, I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt when he suggested we meet. After that first (and only) meeting I concluded that he was indeed a game player and to listen to my intuition and not have any further contact with him.

Turns out my intuition might have been spot on. A few days after our meeting I noticed his name appeared as "Inactive Profile" in my inbox. When I clicked on view message it said:
ERROR *username* has been suspended from the RSVP site for a breach of our Terms & Conditions. This message cannot be viewed.

Not too sure what the breach was but I wished I'd listened to my intuition in the first place, I know I will in the future.

Posted by: traybit63 at May 9, 2008 2:20 PM

There is something to be said about intuition. Take my old dog Bonny (bull terrier) for instance.
Years ago when living in Alice Springs some friends came to visit, and brought along a young man, whom we had never met before.
Straight away Bon started growling at him and backing right into a corner. He tried to pat her and smile etc. but she wasn't having none him!
I had never seen her act like that before, and never did again. We were all amazed at her reaction to this man.
Turned out he was a wanted man in 2 states!
Red

Posted by: redgem65 at May 9, 2008 2:15 PM

How many times have we gone with our 'intuition' and felt a certain profile was the 'pefect match' for us? Then only to have our 'kiss' rejected because that other person didn't feel the same? How can our intuition get it so wrong in those instances?

But it's true that when there is no other evidence available except what the RSVP person has written on their profile, we have nothing to go on except our intuition as to whether we should trust them or not.

I don't think I have anything else to say on this subject. Over to you. I look forward to reading what you will write/say on this blog.

Posted by: lovemuzik at May 9, 2008 1:53 PM

Intuition…how are we to define here for discussion…is it something that we just feel, or have an inkling of, without any real evidence…or is it the feeling you have in the pit of your stomach…usually with some form of evidence…that we ignore because we are hoping we are wrong and things may be great?...I’ve had both of these feelings many times but blithely ignored them…or worse still…misinterpreted them to suit myself...and to my own peril.

Posted by: istj54 at May 9, 2008 1:44 PM

Intuition should mean take notice and proceed with caution. Anyone who instinctively ceases to act on instinct is in for trouble or woe. As B says you must still take the odd gamble (wonder why she never mentioned the evens gamble, odd). The same with people who rush on and ignore the warnings then bewail the outcome. Scientifically it has been proven to exist for eons in all mamals.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at May 9, 2008 1:10 PM

My intuition (or as I like to refer to it - my bulls*&t detector) is a finely tuned piece of equipment. I would be lost without it.

The only time it has failed me is when I haven't listened to it.

You will meet someone who seems really nice or get a really great offer placed in front of you (well I have). Despite how good everything seems, you get that little niggling feeling as the detector starts beeping. That is were you might look a bit closer but dismiss it as a false reading.

Unfortunately I have found down the track that it wasn't a false reading and there was a good reason why the detector started beeping.

It is one of those things that differs from person to person. For those who find their intuition not so well defined, I do not envy them because I find it so hard not to listen to mine.

For me, my intuition has always served to keep me out of trouble so I find it very hard not to listen to.

As a wise man once said "Trust your instincts"

Posted by: stoic at May 9, 2008 12:34 PM

My intuition is invariably correct but I still take the odd gamble!
Cheers,
B.

Posted by: bm1960 at May 9, 2008 12:17 PM

Karina.. thanks for using my topic suggestion!

I once had an experience where I was swept up by someone's humour & intelligence.

However..
..there were things I was uneasy about..
I allowed myself to put them aside, choosing to believe reticence & reclusiveness merely signified a 'very private' personality.

Sudden mood swings without warning.. from adoring, to accusations of 'ignoring' him.. were warning bells. Foolishly I persevered, hoping that he would come to realise it wasn't so.

His woeful live-in relationship record.... another red light. In his own words, he was "difficult".... I should have made a run for it then, but sadly I was too fond of him to desert the sinking shit (oops, typo, but will leave it!)

Eventually, it became obvious that his behaviour wasn't normal. A personality disorder, or just a very mentally abusive man with a superiority complex.. who knows.
Either way... I ignored the flashing lights & sirens, despite seeing them.

I learned two valuable lessons-

1) about trusting my intuition... next time I will.
2) that intelligence & humour are nothing without humanity & kindness.

Posted by: decoratress at May 9, 2008 11:52 AM

There’s so much praise for intuition. Albert Einstein is quoted as saying “The only valuable thing is intuition.� And Bill Gates has been quoted as saying “Often you have to rely on intuition.�

Now I’m not so sure about the value of this so-called ‘intuition’. For a long time, I used to trust my intuition and say “I don’t like this guy or that guy because my intuition tells me he’s not right for me.�

But only recently I’ve come to realise it wasn’t really my intuition that made me uninterested in most men, but my exaggerated romantic notions about the perfect man.

I felt my ability to specify what I wanted in a male would help me find the right man, but in reality all it did was weed out every potential lover who didn’t meet my criteria. I was much more successful in eliminating possible partners from my life than I was in bringing any promising candidates into my life. Now that I’ve realised this about me, the challenge is to find a man who is ‘near enough’ to my ideal. But it’s not easy trying to differentiate from what my intuition tells me and what my head’s idea of the perfect man tells me.

I’ve heard that it can be a very long wait for that one perfect individual who can fulfill your romantic fantasies (appearance, income, behaviour, outlook, beliefs, values, philosophies etc). Some people go a lifetime (following their ‘intuition’) without love because they’re unable to find anyone who meets their romantic idea of their ideal partner.

Even so I have realised this tendency in me, I still stop and question my ‘intuition’ when it comes to a new man. Is it the voice of my unrealistic expectations or the voice of my healthy intuition talking? Are these two different? Or are they the same thing when they are in the same individual?

Posted by: lovemuzik at May 9, 2008 11:28 AM