RSVP Blog
New to online dating?
Joining RSVP can be a roller coaster of emotions for some. Once you've made the decision to join there is a whole host of other decisions to be made such as what to write in your profile, which photo to post, where to focus your search and who to make contact with.
What stories have you got to share about your first few contacts and meetings through RSVP? What suggestions would you share with those new to online dating and to the site?
Posted by April 22, 2008 9:01 AM
Latest Comments
WB ... Classy I meant, BUT I hoped you would have sensed the sarcasm. I am not in the habit of buying them. I am satisfied with the late night French movies on SBS where you at least you get a proper storyline.
Laan ... your photos are lovely, the photo you are concerned about (I assume) is nothing on some of the trashy ones Ive seen.
Bob ... not with you on the elephant trick as some of us surely would fall 'short' of the mark. Don't need anymore humiliation in my life atm.
I said in my first blog the other day that I check out profiles to put a face to a name, as I know others have done to me, but can anyone tell me why some are coming up as "not found", when they have just posted a blog?
Posted by: dontknowwhy08 at April 29, 2008 7:44 AM
well boobs, cleavage and hidden profiles are still the topic I notice....am back from a lovely long weekend at the coast!!!
Hidden profiles, its your choice, BUT a lot don't like it as we have multiple profilers here, so you are never sure which "sybill" you may be talking too. But if you are a blogger that is seeing someone, hidden is the only way to go.
Boobs, welll, I have them!! and any sane woman knows that you make the best with what you have got, those with great legs or great bums dress to show them off, so why shouldn't those with boobs??
So I have an attitude that they are all mine, they still look good, I have good cleavage, I am comfortable with my shape, and I dress accordingly, in fact, I don't even think about it, I know what clothing looks good, and buy that way, and no one has ever complained!!!
Luckily I also have good hair and skin, so they/males could also be looking at my face!!!!!!!! lol...
If I had great legs, I would wear short skirts.....it is all relative to what you have and how you dress it and what you are comfortable with.
Sooo, lets get over the boobs and talk war.
My son is over in Iraq, and asked me yesterday if a soldier had died in Afghanistan?
They had not been told, but were hearing things from rellies, as they are all aloud to phone home, unrestricted. As you know it was all over the media here. So, I explained to him what we were being told, about the skirmish and the shooting and the youung soldier being killed and others being injured. He was very sad for the young guy that got killed. He is now going out on patrol, so I now have to wait about 4 days before he calls in again. (bugger)
I might have to go into the "spice up your life" topic for a bit of light relief....what was sex again???? Have a lovely day all...jewels
Posted by: junebaby57 at April 29, 2008 7:41 AM
eastofcbd - I agree with your comments and I like your profile. What is it with people putting old photos up on the site?
Re Shawshank.... did you write that because you know the code for that movie on RSVP or simply your observation from reading profiles?
Jen
Posted by: jenniferhi at April 29, 2008 7:05 AM
Although, could be average Bazza or Gazza come to think of it.
Posted by: iaminperth at April 29, 2008 6:59 AM
There are a lot of man boob shots, with tops or without who state in their profile they are average and are always looking for slim woman. Their preference I suppose but guys moobs are not average on a bloke especially with perky nips on the end!
Posted by: iaminperth at April 29, 2008 6:58 AM
Hi Laan,
Hardly think that you have too much to worry about....your photos are not the "boob shots" that others are talking about; and you are quite a stunning looking woman, so cant see too much criticism being thrown your way.
Funny topic for sure....maybe we guys should pull our trouser pockets out and pretend we are elephants!!
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at April 29, 2008 1:37 AM
laan2612 at April 28, 2008 10:47 PM
Cheers. Well balanced funny profile, nice photo's and a fellow lizard lover. High marks.
Candied squid; on a par with a prawn flavored milkshake?
Cheers Marcus
Posted by: laughsandtalks at April 29, 2008 12:55 AM
Hey I got published....
Posted by: eastofcbd at April 28, 2008 11:44 PM
Laan.@ 10.47pm
Forget that dreaded boob shot, I have been reliably told that the lad is now dead set against that amount of hair you are showing. So if it is of any use you might go and shave your head before he checks out your profile, then he can only see your boob shot, and not fall into a diatribe of distaste. Of course if the discarded hair is of wig quality, rather than waste it you can send it to me and I will ensure it will be recycled. What colour is it, I prefere Auburn but any colour will do. ( I find it hard to take it seriously too lol)
Keep blogging.
Cheers OG
Posted by: oldergent at April 28, 2008 11:37 PM
Well, you do too, iaan2612, but very tasteful, all the same. And you're from Cairns, where I believe you have something called summer. But you probably have to look at bloke's boob shots up there. There's something to be said for the Melbourne climate after all.
Posted by: waterbombe at April 28, 2008 11:25 PM
Amberlight thanks for your kind words on the now closed blog. I was so impressed by your earlier postings and political knowledge along with Aunty Kaz and others, and now I can see why since your revealed not just your interest but your first hand experience in Local Government.
Voltairen, I have presumed you are a man...from a clue in a much earlier posting..but male or female your posts are such a relief to find full of rational common sense and fairness. Thanks.
You don't need a visible profile to blog, but it seems to be a worry to some..perhaps those only capable of reading books with pictures.....
Posted by: thelynathdiary at April 28, 2008 11:12 PM
CLASSY mags, Dontknowwhynot? Don't you mean GLOSSY? Easy mistake to make though.
Yep, those many-profilers need to get out more...a lot more.
Posted by: waterbombe at April 28, 2008 11:05 PM
dontknowwhy08 @ 9.55. I feel the same about guys without shirts. Not that I don't like a nice 6 pack but is the same as showing your boobs, time and place thing.
Comment on internet dating... I would really love to meet a man who has an honest profile eg, 55 not 65, average build is not 30 kilos overweight, recent photo is good too, not the one on your first business card. What about the tossers who want a woman years younger than them... sheeezz I would like a younger man but lets get real here guys (and girls).
I have been here (on and off) for a number of years, seen lots come and go, serial daters I think they would be called, and to be honest am quite disallusioned. However having said that I remain the eternal optimist and KNOW that somewhere out there in cyber space is my last great love affair.
Posted by: eastofcbd at April 28, 2008 10:57 PM
laughsandtalks at April 28, 2008 7:46 PM
I thought that was a very funny post, Marcus. Great mental imagery lol.
Please, no attacks on my profile pics. I've just checked and I think I have a dreaded boob shot. If you don't like them, I strongly advise you not to look lol.
(All said tongue in cheek of course. I can't take this subject seriously, I'm sorry!)
Laan
Posted by: laan2612 at April 28, 2008 10:47 PM
"Posted by: oldergent at April 28, 2008 9:04 PM ....See G your advice as always is followed." (re ignoring invisible blogger scoundrels.)
Erm... I'm sorry to burst your bubble, OG, but your response to my reasoned argument, wherein you refer it as "invective" (nice!) and then even outline the only conditions under which you would ever respond to a "sniper" such as I - well, sorry mate, but that doesn't exactly count as ignoring me, does it? Not even if you add Troy's name somewhere near the top of it.
Naughty, disobedient blogger that I am, how dare I exercise my free will by choosing to make my profile visible or not, at my own discretion. Who do I think I am, an adult or something? Just kidding, but come on, OG, I know you can do it this time... yes, we know you've already broken your covenant of silence at least twice now, by responding in this and the previous blog , but don't let your need for the last word get in the way of sticking to your guns this time. Come on man, where are your principals? Treat those invisible n'er-do-well scum with the contempt they deserve, and ignore them! Ignore them all! Again.
Posted by: voltairen at April 28, 2008 10:46 PM
Dont08.@9.55pm
Same here, disgusting, apart from those books, what is the price of petrol and where is it, my local is always out of cultural reading material and the petrol is always too dear.
Cheers OG
Posted by: oldergent at April 28, 2008 10:40 PM
Iaminperth - I am sure IE works on most computers but I find it excruciatingly slow in responding to mouse clicks and loading pages compared to Firefox.
Firefox is more secure and less open to exploitation than IE and if your system does hang or crash forcing a close or a reboot, Firefox will remember and give you the option of returning to the page(s) you had open when your system went down.
Add in the spell check function and the inbuilt Google search bar, all for a quick and painless (and free) 5.7 MB download and you have a damn fine browser.
Give it a try, it installs quickly and uninstalls easily if you don't like it :)
Posted by: stoic at April 28, 2008 10:34 PM
WB ... Im one of those who is turned off a profile with a photo of a seductive pose in scant clothing with boobs as the focus. If that's what I was after it would be easier and cheaper stopping by the late night servo and picking up on of their classy mags.
Posted by: dontknowwhy08 at April 28, 2008 9:55 PM
hi waterbombe ... got it, i think? lol some people clearly have nothing better to do with their time.
Posted by: dontknowwhy08 at April 28, 2008 9:41 PM
Whats wrong with Explorer, it works for me !
Posted by: iaminperth at April 28, 2008 9:34 PM
Should I be worried Bob?? You really are so in control.. I like Ohhmmm........"G".
Posted by: amdoingit at April 28, 2008 9:29 PM
Bombe. @ 5.55pm
I totally agree with you, even as a baby I knew that more than a mouthfull was a waste.
Marcus.
All that tells me is that you are all males probably with a predisposition to the "Med bum" or anything in a skirt, not that the Survey was not scientifically conducted and worthy of a Uni grant from the Govt.
Dont08.
no mate they are already multiple personalities and have the advantage of all typing together. Confuses the moderator with so many coming in together, the trick is to slip one in between theirs. Just think of those poors souls that follow the Reds, thank god for the Brumbies. But watch Newington this year in the GPS.
Posted by: oldergent at April 28, 2008 9:24 PM
dontknowwhy08, you asked why do people bother to create more than one profile? Well, it's because they don't want to play with your body and love your mind. No. They want to love your body and play with your mind.
Posted by: waterbombe at April 28, 2008 9:11 PM
Marcus, you didn't need to actually DO that research. I could have told you the results in advance. Then you could have attended these venues purely for the voyeuristic experience, instead of jotting down notes and speaking sotto voce into small tape recorders on site. What you needed to know (and thank God you have asked an expert) is this: if the researchers were in fact card-carrying members of the I-Am-A-Sperm-Donor-Only Club (as I am guessing they were) then cleavage would have been of paramount importance to them. Cleavage would have received Top Votes. If, on the other hand, the researchers had been interested in successful long-term relationships, they would have counted cleavage low among the necessary attributes of a partner, and found the site visits diverting but disappointing. No, don't thank me...I'm only too happy to help.
Posted by: waterbombe at April 28, 2008 9:06 PM
Working up the blogs.
K, poor hard worker, every day to me is Friday.
G.not likely OoooHhhhMmmm.(it is the lower down resonance that pleases most)
TROY my boy.
now proceedeth the lesson, it takes 3 concise lines to elicit 24 lines of invective to follow from one blog to another. I also did state that I had viewed your profile, and I am receptive to a stamp to view such a profile of a sniper and hold the disclosure in trust, then and only then will I respond to their posts. But I have found that a false profile is outed in a twinkling by our daring duo the profile police, who have collectively many thousands of years between them depending on the warp they are in, (and if they are allowed to shoot the miscreants,
off the blogs that is). See G your advice as always is followed.
Cheers OG
Posted by: oldergent at April 28, 2008 9:04 PM
dontknowwhy08 - ah ok. Another example of Macs "just working" I see... ;)
I don't know much about Macs but for everyone running Windows - ditch that IE junk
Posted by: stoic at April 28, 2008 8:51 PM
virgil ... was joking about AFL but can't understand it, although, that was a good hit by Barry Hall. Anyway have enjoyed being on here, cheers.
Posted by: dontknowwhy08 at April 28, 2008 8:46 PM
Thanks all for your comments, i appreciate it.
timewarp ... haha, if only I could get beyond the first date!
virgil ... what is AFL?
stoic ...im running firefox on a mac and it's an absolute pain as it crashes every now and then, but it is still better than safari.
tradieforalady ... ditto, i did the research and have tried to keep mine different.
i don't get this, why do people bother to create more than one profile? why would they think they have a better chance of getting someone to kiss or email?
and yes, we'll have to see whether the Tahs choke at finals.
Posted by: dontknowwhy08 at April 28, 2008 8:29 PM
waterbombe at April 28, 2008 5:55 PM
WB. Saturday before last, myself, Ken and Ken's mate, Tom the Greek, (who Ken met a few years ago at the Balaclava TAB), conducted a review of attitudes to cleavage and elevated hemispherical busts and buttocks in females.
We studied a Female sample group of approximately 500, approximate age 16 to 35, between 10.00 pm and 4.00 AM at;
a. A nightclub off King St. b. At the club precinct in Chapel St. Sth.Yarra and c. Fitzroy St St Kilda.
Our suprising finding was that all three reviewers 1. favored cleavage, 2. reacted positively to a high bust to body mass index and 3. Reacted positively to elevated, buttocks caused to sway by high heels.
4. Found it is extremely difficult for slightly paunchy, middle aged men to engage in the dialogue needed to assess the Intelligence Quotients & the 'amenability index' of this sample.
Haha
Cheers Marcus
Posted by: laughsandtalks at April 28, 2008 7:46 PM
well that's true, Stoic, MOST of them don't have that level of committment. But we know from experience that SOME bloggers have had the time and application to create 4 or 5 fake profiles...and more...and blog simultaneously from all of them - as well as date simultaneously from all of them, I presume: a note for the unwary.
Posted by: waterbombe at April 28, 2008 7:04 PM
Wishfulthinker
And just just what is wrong with someone being 500km south? :) :)
Posted by: jovial67 at April 27, 2008 10:30 PM
My,my, it seems someone has converted the 25km radius man then ? :)
Posted by: graceandcharm at April 28, 2008 6:29 PM
Yeah you could do that, Waterbombe but most scammers, trolls, and puppeteers don't have that level of commitment :)
Posted by: stoic at April 28, 2008 6:19 PM
Voltharem
The last person who used the phrase "pearls before swine" on these blogs was Slimey
Isn't it time to run Alien Resurrection, the Movie.
Posted by: captthunderbolt at April 28, 2008 6:16 PM
Posted by: amdoingit at April 28, 2008 5:03 PM
Posted by: voltairen at April 28, 2008 6:05 PM
Good advice, amdoingit.
Posted by: voltairen at April 28, 2008 5:59 PM
How to present yourself on online dating sites - here's another male perspective on cleavage shots, which were recently highly recommended by some of the blokes on here. I don't agree with it, because as I think Iaminperth said, we are not here for blokes' amusement. But I asked a few guys I know on RSVP about this...they said a cleavage shot immediately puts them off, and they flick to the next profile. Why? Because they think if a woman has to use her boobs to advertise herself, then she doesn't have much else going for her...and they think that so many other things are more important to a successful relationship than a woman's boobs. That was one reason. The other one was that if a woman thinks a cleavage shot is important enough to display to everyone, and the man doesn't think her boobs are important (and doesn't even want to see them) then they think they have very little in common with her. So they flick onto another profile ...why pursue someone with whom you believe you have very little in common? The guys I asked were more interested in relationships than in straight-out sperm donation. So there might be a difference there...it depends what the woman is looking for, as always.
Posted by: waterbombe at April 28, 2008 5:55 PM
This demand for a visible profile is a joke, guys...I could mock up a fake one, download a pic from the internet, change my gender, age, profession, interests, etc etc...and post on the blogs. What would you say..."well, he can speak with some authority on these here blogs because he's a decent 25 year old bloke who's into footy and democracy. We can tell that from his profile"? You have NO idea if someone's profile is real unless you have met them in person. Marcus, you could in fact be a 75 year old woman for all we know.
Posted by: waterbombe at April 28, 2008 5:43 PM
I was unable to sign in on the "Degree' topic also.
Moneysex - First did you create your profile just to write that piece? Because I notice you are hidden. Would be interested to read the profile of the person who wrote it.
I think what you say is such a sad and narrow view.
Have you been hurt? Do you not enjoy sex?
I think both things (money and sex) can, should and do enhance relationships and of course love.
Jen
Posted by: jenniferhi at April 28, 2008 5:40 PM
Bob (OG) don't bite. Not worth it !!!... "G"
Posted by: amdoingit at April 28, 2008 5:03 PM
Marcus, don't you dare give the new boy ideas !!!
Peter.. don't listen ok? Friendly banter & rivalry is what most of us strive for...Well I think so anyway....
Your profile is a nice fresh approach. Glad it's working for you......"G"
Posted by: amdoingit at April 28, 2008 4:59 PM
Malsie, you could say l was perfect, Bob thought l was a perfect example, but l am sure there are others who would heartily dispute that.........
OG, you said in the degree blog that l was thoughtful and calm. (l think)...Thank you, but unfortunately both don't always apply to me on Mondays.....l don't like Mondays....
Troyboy, also on the other blog (for some reason l can't post on it..maybe its closed), Are you referring to the comments about "condescending testicles"???
If so, l will reply here...
I took the original comment by TLD as a joke, which you may have gleaned from my reply to it. So thought another reply was not warranted. If that is what you meant by "following the party line", can l politely ask, is that the champagne party??
That is the only party l follow Troyboy, a bottle of nice dry bubbles party :-).
If l make a comment it is my own, in reponse to others. Naturally we are going to agree and disagree with others, you may have noticed that l at times agree with members of the opposite sex and at other times with females.
Sometimes l question females as well as males, you may have seen me question Femalepersuasion yesterday, a relatively benign query, just to clarify a point she had made. Not a biggie l would have thought....
.......K
Posted by: auntykaz at April 28, 2008 4:57 PM
[Was unable to post the following reply on the previous blog, "Want a husband? Get a degree", as it has just closed.]
One phrase comes to mind, Troy, pearls before swine. I fear that nothing I write will ever get through to you, as you are so obviously intent on continuing to make it up as you bumble along. Ah well, that is your reality, I suppose.
And you, oldergent, should know better than to be so selective about those whom you "permit" to hide their profile. You also write (28/4 @ 1.16pm) that you now class me as "leaning towards female, or very near to it". Why, may I ask, have you labelled me thus, if not due to the words I have written? And if you disagree with them or don't like them, does that automatically make me a woman, "or very near to it"? Is it not possible for a man to share the same viewpoint as a woman, as I did with Lynath? Does a man's viewpoint hold more weight? And so forth... I am very interested in the ramifications of all these questions. None of my posts have ever denigrated men in any way (and I find that am insulting implication), I have simply responded to the groundless assumptions I detected in the posts of some other bloggers.
I call it as I see it, and if I believe that there is gender-based discrimination occurring, I will say so - as is my right. This occurred when both Marcus and Troy revealed their flawed assumption that I was female, solely based on the fact that I had agreed with one of Lynath's posts. My ensuing (and only) response has been to point out the error of their logic, and to question why they had leapt to that conclusion without any evidence, and postulated what that might be revealing about their attitudes. SO HAS EVERYONE GOT THAT NOW?
So too, is it my right, to contribute to these blogs without a visible profile, according to the RSVP terms & conditions. What YOU do not have, oldergent, is the right to arbitrate on who deserves to have that privilege, whether it's based on you having seen their profile before, or for any other reason - thank goodness. Given that you have absolutely no knowledge of my reasons for not having a visible profile, or the history of my previous visibility status, I find it a bit rich that you would attempt to discriminate against me in this way. Or is it just because you are toeing the party line? i.e. That those who are in the gang or who have "permission" can hide their profiles, but anyone who disputes your mates' posts (or, heaven forbid, agrees with Lynath!) is derided as a "no show" and a "sniper".
So continue to exercise your right to ignore, oldergent, as you please. The blogs will certainly be none the poorer without your hypocritical pronouncements on why you choose to selectively condone the invisibility of some profiles but not others.
P.S. What you ought to be more selective about, oldergent, is the company you keep, lol.
Posted by: voltairen at April 28, 2008 4:21 PM
tradieforalady April 28, 2008 10:54 AM
Mate, if you are getting too many contacts from chicks, this blog is the place. A couple of good stoushes here with the girls and your numbers may well drop to a manageable level.
Mine have...
Cheers Marcus
Posted by: laughsandtalks at April 28, 2008 3:09 PM
OG
Thanks for your concern, After many visits to a doctor I firs had recommended to me here in SA, I finally had enough of his stuffing around, so I chose a different doctor, who recommended a CAT scan of my sinuses, and proving positive, it is no longer a mystery illness and correct treatment is proceeding.
Had I not made the change of doctor, I could be stuffing around with this bloke for ages more.
Posted by: virgil at April 28, 2008 12:04 PM
G'day Tradie,
Yeah I check the males too, your new one is a big improvement, glad it works for you. I keep looking at mine and think, if I change it that will not be me. Now I don't get many contacts, the few I do that find me not suitable I keep in touch with. But some are developing nicely, but all said that they were delighted with meeting someone with the absolutely honest profile and photo's. Warts and all. Funny thing is that some are much younger penfriends only, and are giving me a different outlook on the younger generation, and a million giggles on the way.
Your right, there is someone out there for everyone, though some may have to get a realistic perspective on their desire and not get their ambition mixed up with their self image.
Cheers OG
Posted by: oldergent at April 28, 2008 11:48 AM
Gee Virg.@8.48.
That was a long period, hope you get well soon. Depends on the genes for how long the clock ticks.
Nil desperandum, Virg, shotguns only work for those that can handle them, and TW is an old county boy.
Cheers OG
Posted by: oldergent at April 28, 2008 10:59 AM
hi there all...
i have been a member of this site for around 3 months now and started with a very vague profile with not much content and not getting anywhere with it... day after day, no kisses or emails...
now i just sat down one day and thought that if i was open and honest in what i said and didnt talk myself up and stated what i was looking for from this site, post a natural pic as my main one and some nice pics in the profile gallery...
now i looked at alot of male profiles in my area (for research purposes only) and basically saw the same regurgitated profile over and over again. i mean there is only so many times you can read that people enjoy snuggling on the couch with a dvd and enjoying a nice bottle of wine before it gets a bit much....
so from these profiles i noted everything that i would definitely NOT put in my profile and went to work on bettering my own...
now selling yourself to others isnt as easy as it looks and i was stumped for what to put at first but then i thought "just write the first thing that comes into your head" and i did....
i am happy with the end result of my profile because i think it is very different to all the others and have gotten many kisses and emails daily, even got myself a pretty permanent spot on the top 100 which i am quite proud of...
the key to success on a site like this is to be yourself and treat others as you would like to be treated...
there IS someone out there for everyone and i wish you all the best of luck...
have a nice day...
tradieforalady
Posted by: tradieforalady at April 28, 2008 10:54 AM
Hi jenniferhi,
According to my developers, they are still able to see the blockers on the top 100, however if you click on the profile it will show as an empty profile.
Cheers,
Karina
Posted by: rsvpproducttest3 at April 28, 2008 10:30 AM
Hi Redgem65 - ok - First make sure you have the latest version of Firefox - go to the Help menu and select Check for Updates.
Once you are up to date, go to the Tools menu and select Options.
Click on the Advanced tab and make sure the 'Check my spelling as I type' option is ticked.
That should do it.
Now you may need to download the Australian English dictionary for Firefox.
While in the Advanced tab, below the 'Check my spelling as I type' option you should see a Choose button under Languages to 'Choose your preferred language for displaying pages.'
Click that button and it should bring up a list of installed languages. If English/Australian is not there, click the 'Select a language to add' drop down menu, highlight English/Australian and click 'add', then once it is installed, move it up to the top of the Languages in order of preference list.
That should take care of it all.
Posted by: stoic at April 28, 2008 10:27 AM
Hey, auntykaz - what about instead of "you are a perfect example", we just get real and say "you are perfect"?? More appropriate, don't you think :)
Sorry won't be getting over to Melbourne in May, alas, so won't get to meet you this time, Bob - would have liked to. Hope you have lots of fun!
And Stoic, sorry about all the squiggles in the post in the other topic - at least you understand how that came about! I could hardly understand it, and I wrote the damn thing!
Posted by: malsie at April 28, 2008 10:17 AM
Stoic - If only I was a dozen years younger...! Could you help me? My son downloaded Mozilla and I can't get the spell checker to work. Automatically or manually. Manualy? lol.
Chris - I'm movin' to NSW hang in there babe! I'm a comin'! Just joking. No, you don't need to see a surgeon, I especially like your first pic, nothing like a man all spiffied up..
Retta.
Posted by: redgem65 at April 28, 2008 9:26 AM
Question - If someone is blocked can they see the blocker if that person is in the Top 100? I guess they can't see the profile if they try to open it, but I'm thinking they can see the profile name. Yes?
Posted by: jenniferhi at April 28, 2008 9:13 AM
TW
To meet 100 women without there being enough attraction to go further with one, seems to me, you enjoy the process more than I do.
The last kiss I sent out was about a month ago, my last face to face coffee was in February. (I have been a bit unwell over this period) I have been in regular email contact with the person of the kiss.
Your situation intriges me, the clock is ticking for all of us, with "time Gentlemen" being closer for some than others, well by life insurance guidelines anyway.
For me, after seeing half that number, I would have chosen someone, even if they didnt tick all the boxes. There might be potential there.
Posted by: virgil at April 28, 2008 8:48 AM
Don'tknowwhy08, if God is with the Tahs, how come they fall over in the last four games of each season?
Personally I think He is with whomever Matt Gittoes is playing for.
Posted by: guiltypleasure at April 28, 2008 6:55 AM
Dontknowhy08: I agree with them. To me, the first meeting is just a social event - a chance to enjoy chatting with someone, while you size each other up.
If you found yourself by chance sitting next to a hunk on a 2-hour flight, you'd chat with him while you had the chance, and maybe exchange phone numbers - but only if you decided you wanted to meet again.
But you wouldn't refuse to chat with another hunk on the flight back that evening, just because you were in between chatting with the first hunk, and waiting to see if he'd ever get round to using the phone number that you gave him.
Same with RSVP, I reckon. They say that on average, you'll have to meet 30-odd people, before you find one who'd do if you're pretty desperate or not at all choosey (same thing?) And meet over 70, before you can expect to find your perfect partner.
I'm extra-choosey/ optimistic, so I'm past first-date No 100, and still no-one where the attraction was mutual, AND big enough to pair us off permanently. So far.
That suggests getting on with it, without too much delay. I explained how I do that, in this blog on the 22nd at 12.39pm.
My method has been described as too pragmatic and not romantic enough. But in the long term, even it gets me only about one first-date a week.
And I'll say this about romantic: I'm dead against people (usually women) reading a screen profile and saying "Yesss! That's gotta be the one!"
- and then investing a shipload of daydreams into a romance with this person, starting with the moment they send the kiss.
Usually setting themselves up for a big disappointment, when they finally run a reality check on their dreams - usually an enforced one, when they first set eyes (or ears) on him.
If the first meeting is seen as just a chance to meet a new person and find out if you like spending time with them, enough to want to do it again, it makes the meeting potentially enjoyable rather than stressful.
I've had a lot of women find out on the day, that they wanted to spend 3 to 5 hours chatting with me at our first meeting - just because they were enjoying it so much - but then not wanting to continue our contact, because I was not what they were looking for as a romantic partner. Often because I'm not as rich as they are and want.
And vice versa - often because I found them totally uninteresting sexually.
When I get to about date 3 or 4 and things are starting to look promising, I stop sending my usual periodic batches of outwards kisses.
And once we'd got into the cot (after about date 7 at the earlist, for me - I'm a bit on the slow side) I'd immediately hide my profile.
But that's just me. What do others think?
Tell me tomorrow - bedtime now, even for me.. Enlivened by night tennis as ever, but I'm now starting to wilt. Seeyez.
Posted by: timewarp1 at April 28, 2008 1:47 AM
Dontknowwhy - good photo as well:)
Chris - don't worry, I didn't feel under attack. I thought you brought up a good point.
Posted by: possum83a at April 28, 2008 12:58 AM
lailaj @ 9.09pm: Mwuh!
Sydney Bob @ 9.19pm: I don't know how to spell a very long, very appreciative kiss, so I had to make do with a short one above.
I hope she won't feel short-changed by my lack of attention to significant detail.
Posted by: timewarp1 at April 27, 2008 11:56 PM
dontknowwhy
No doubt you will get much advice on concentrating on one at a time, from those who agree (like me) to many others who favour the scattergun approach.
Just do what feels right and comfortable to you, cause there are no rules.
great profile, by the way, just the one glaring mistake, the choice of Rugby over AFL Hmmm
Posted by: virgil at April 27, 2008 11:56 PM
Posted by: dontknowwhy08 at April 27, 2008 9:29 PM
Dontknowwhy: At least by you saying that you prefer one contact at a time, says you are no player. I commend you!
I have met too many guys that have got so fresh with me on the first date to just find out the next day they have been on the dating site trying to pick someone else up that is new.
So question is, what were they going to do with me while they were getting to know someone else? I think play up a bit too much, hey!
I would suggest for your own time management sake that you do keep open contact with others while dating someone though, if you haven't moved into anything too serious with your date too soon.
Usually people tend to know whether someone is worth investing in after three or so dates, and that could take up to at least two weeks of your time.
At least you will have the opportunity to be a few steps ahead with someone else if you have had some contact with them to turn over a new leaf if it doesn't look like your date is going to eventuate into anything meaningful.
But just don't let your date know too much and, especially don't do too much else with your other contacts if you get fresh with someone your already dating, or it could end up backfiring on you.
This is from a female perspective of how we would like a guy to be towards us if we really liked them.
Posted by: lonelyheart44 at April 27, 2008 11:39 PM
possum83a at April 27, 2008 7:54 PM
Yay!!!!
Punctuation is as important as syntax too.
Multiple exclamation marks are not part of written English and after statements are a turn off.
We've been through the spelling thing here before and arrived at a rough consensus that dyslexics, diagnosed or not, are to be given a bit of leeway.
Cheers Marcus
Posted by: laughsandtalks at April 27, 2008 11:34 PM
Don'tknowwhy, come on now, God only comes out to play for the Wallabies :-)....K
Posted by: auntykaz at April 27, 2008 10:52 PM
Wishfulthinker
And just just what is wrong with someone being 500km south? :) :)
Posted by: jovial67 at April 27, 2008 10:30 PM
For you Jovial one...absolutely nothing, but even you must wish for a little less distance and a lot more time :)
Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at April 27, 2008 10:50 PM
Hi Bob, No that's a german shepherd puppy, 10 weeks old at the time. This is the fifth I have owned so far in my lifetime and she now weighs around 38kg and is a fairly constant companion. I love the temperament of the GSD and can't really imagine life without one being part of my family. I also have a beautiful little burmese cat and a big black and white mog. All are beautiful. I think that all of us could learn a lot from the temperament of animals, they are so loving and loyal and accept you for who you are not what they can take from you. My dog is the best.
Posted by: iaminperth at April 27, 2008 10:48 PM
back2vegas ... thanks for your comment. I take on any advise anyone bothers to offer, so thanks. I hadn't actually thought on it from that angle and the issue of pressure is the last thing i would want any person Im emailing to feel ... actually I wouldn't continue emailing myself if that's how I knew they felt.
Posted by: dontknowwhy08 at April 27, 2008 10:48 PM
I would just like to add something about spelling, grammar and typo problems in profiles.
I myself have been guilty of not proofing my profile, and it was pointed out to me later that it had a few problems.
I did my best to fix most of it, but there is also a limit of case usage for each section. So in some places I still ended up with typos because it would not allow me to stretch the words into anything complete.
One more thing is, I had been on another dating site with the same profile, and the same mistakes, and it never was a problem with the guys contacting me. If my typos, grammar, and spelling problems had put anyone off, it would have been the other 300 or so that looked at my profile, and didn't contact me.
However, for the other 350 who either put me on their favourites or contacted me it was never an issue. Actually most of them were terrible with spelling etc.
In addition, when some of them found out what kind of work I did they began to worry about their ability to write, but I was able to reassure them that I am not perfect either and need to use a proof reader too. This comment created relaxed and fluent communication.
Out of all the guys I chose to meet, the few guys I actually liked the most, were the worst writers with grammar etc.
So it doesn't always count as a big issue for some.
There are plenty of other things that could be worse.
Posted by: lonelyheart44 at April 27, 2008 10:46 PM
dontknowwhy - I'm not one of the more experienced members on here but I hope you won't mind me commenting anyway. I wouldn't say you're being stupid by limiting your contacts to one person at a time, but personally I'd get a bit nervous if someone said they weren't contacting anyone else because they were chatting to me...puts a lot of pressure on me to measure up! And, as many people have said on here, it's a numbers game. Dating doesn't have to be something you only do with one person at a time...that's what relationships are for. You don't have to be dishonest about it - I don't think many people on here expect your exclusive attention before a relationship develops. And if they do...I would run as fast as you can.
Posted by: back2vegas at April 27, 2008 10:35 PM
Ahh yes auntykaz, there is only one sport and for all to know God play's for the Tahs (at least this season he is)!! I did type it first in Word as there were a few issues I wanted to cover and I had to get my spelling and grammar correct. I did not know why it happened, but I do now, thankyou.
And, I might be doing myself out of some dinners, but I'll have to think more on it.
Posted by: dontknowwhy08 at April 27, 2008 10:33 PM
Wishfulthinker
And just just what is wrong with someone being 500km south? :) :)
Posted by: jovial67 at April 27, 2008 10:30 PM
Not to get too technical, Word has its own background coding I suppose you can call it for special characters - dashes, quotation marks, apostrophes etc - and when you select text and copy it, all that coding comes with it and it doesn't always gel nicely with other programs - hence an apostrophe in word becomes squiggle and percent sign or whatever in a web browser.
Copy and pasting into a plain text editor like Notepad can help, but of course you don't get a spell check in Notepad and it isn't foolproof.
Best bet is to type straight into your browser to avoid the squiggles.
Posted by: stoic at April 27, 2008 10:30 PM
dontknowwhy, you had me with the first line of your sport preference...the game they play in heaven...love it, love it, love it.
Your post has got a lot of squiggles in it did you type it in Word or something?
Stoic, you may know what is wrong there...
Chris, plastic surgery not required :-)
Ynotalice, some good comments regarding checking out your own profile, sometimes we don't pick up our errors as we know what we have written.
Finally, l am an old fashioned type of girl, l like my dictionary if l have a problem with what l need to spell...............K
Posted by: auntykaz at April 27, 2008 10:15 PM
At least if you get someone sending a kiss, it then at least shows that they�ve read my profile.
Dontknowwhy08
Hehehe you think? Half of them that send kisses are way off your "wish list" requirements, be they 20 years too old, 20 years to young, smoke, don't smoke, married/attached and seeking friends or 500km south! I think a lot of people just see a good pic and hit the kiss button to see what happens :)
As for your comment about hiding your profile when on a date, how nice of you! So many don't go to that trouble. As for contacting one at a time, that too is a nice way to be, but if she/he isn't the one you just might be missing out on someone you've not responded to when you might have wanted to. However, still the best policy to do what you feel comfortable with. Refreshing attitude!!!
Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at April 27, 2008 10:13 PM
Thank you dontknowwhy.............great profile and photo !
Best of luck out there.........:))
Posted by: jenjen57 at April 27, 2008 10:07 PM
Hi dontknowwhy,
I think you have a great profile! Can't comment on the photo but I think what you've written is good. Informative, but it still gives little things to ask you in emails (like what pets do you have or about your kids, etc). I don't think you have to change anything!
And thanks for the backup on the spelling;)
Posted by: possum83a at April 27, 2008 10:00 PM
Hi dontknowwhy,
I think you have a great profile! Can't comment on the photo but I think what you've written is good. Informative, but it still gives little things to ask you in emails (like what pets do you have or about your kids, etc). I don't think you have to change anything!
Posted by: possum83a at April 27, 2008 9:58 PM
Chris, your grammar is pretty good for one who was "missed" during high school! Not sure why you'd need plastic surgery either - oh well....I'm sure your extra effort in checking your spelling will be appreciated by readers! Hang in there!
Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at April 27, 2008 9:57 PM
Hey Possum,
I too am put off by poor spelling and grammar in a profile, but I think Bob had it right. It's probably an indication that the person isn't very literate, so if that's an important quality for you, wouldn't you rather know up front that someone doesn't meet your standards? It might improve their response rate, but you'd be disappointed if you contacted someone with a well-written profile only to find that their emails didn't measure up. So if they don't write well or don't care enough to check their work...I reckon let them keep searching for someone who doesn't mind!
Bob @ 6.55pm - I would always send some kind of response - I could try sending the 'bugger off' one to you and let you know if it feels any good. I suspect not though! Update your profile to reflect your true chain-smoking, slovenly ways and it might be easier. :-)
Posted by: back2vegas at April 27, 2008 9:52 PM
"Not everyone has had the advantage of a great eduction.
I know my grammar is not the best and I make an extra effort to check for typos in spelling.
When I was in High School I was basically ignored by my teachers so I never learned how to use grammar correctly and still have trouble to this day."
Well then you already get a tick in my books if you make that extra effort. I must say there are few people in Australia who do have great grammar skills, simply because it isn't really taught in schools. As for the typing skills, I'm a 3 fingered typer. And a fast one. A very, very bad one! I can make 10 typos in a 3 word sentence! haha, but I know that so I proof read before posting anything (but might still miss things).
Anyway my original point wasn't whether someone has good written skills, or even typing skills, it's the effort you make.
Posted by: possum83a at April 27, 2008 9:47 PM
Possum83a
I hope you don't think I was attacking you.
I just wanted to point out some of us didn't have the education we all deserve.
Chris
Posted by: chris261 at April 27, 2008 9:44 PM
dontknowwhy08 - do not take your profile down when you go on a date and do not limit yourself to one kiss/email at a time.
You are not in a relationship with them and you owe them nothing of the sort - and I can promise you they will not be thinking they owe you anything of the sort either.
You will chat/email with one, turn away who knows how many others, only to have it go nowhere (or worse just have them stop responding) and you end up missing out other possibilities.
Once you have a few dates with someone, then you can start making a serious assessment as to whether it is going to go somewhere and remove your profile if that is what you decide.
Posted by: stoic at April 27, 2008 9:42 PM
Blueeyedgirl- Just looked at your profile and it looks terrific! All the best and I hope you get some execellent smooches.
Cheers R.
Posted by: redgem65 at April 27, 2008 9:40 PM
Sorry to all, once my comments before have loaded Ive seen some of the characters have been lost ... its not my spelling!!!
Posted by: dontknowwhy08 at April 27, 2008 9:37 PM
And no - I don't work for the Mozilla Foundation nor am I a shareholder and I am not affiliated with them in any manner.
Firefox is just a far superior browser.
And it has an automatic spell check function :)
Posted by: stoic at April 27, 2008 9:31 PM
Hi fellow bloggers,
Well, this is the first blog for me. This is all very new. It�s been interesting to read your comments so I thought only fair to add further from a newbie�s point of view.
... Firstly, I wanted to say that I have my photo under password protection for very good reason, and I�ve still received my fair share of kisses, where interestingly I received nil when I had it �visible�, so if there is a better response rate with having one visible it didn�t work in my case. I don�t think that had anything to do with my photo as such, as those that have requested it have kept contact and I�ve met up with some, beit for a short time anyway! I don�t know whether there is any direct link, but Im now happy to leave it that way. At least if you get someone sending a kiss, it then at least shows that they�ve read my profile.
... Secondly, I believe in replying each and every time someone sends you a kiss as it is only polite, even to say that you �have responded to someone�. That�s pretty broad in meaning.
... Thirdly, the other thing I believe in doing, is keeping to generally one contact at a time.
Can I ask of our more experienced members am I being stupid by doing this? It�s the same with hiding my profile when Im going out on a date, which I have done. I personally don�t like to be going on a �date� or out to meet up and have others whom I am having contact not knowing. It�s not something that I would tell others, so that�s why I feel keep contacts to one at a time.
... Fourthly, ditto to �possum83a� as I think spelling and grammar is soooooo important (although Im sure someone will pick me up over something I�ve said here). I can�t handle reading profiles that I can make no sense of. Bob, I don�t think all nice/cute guys are illiterate, I just think they are lazy!
Anyway, if anyone could bother, please have a look at my profile and offer any advise. Ill give out my password to anyone who kisses (female only). It at least it gets my stats up!!
PS. notgodsgift, you have the best rsvp name, if you ever want to swap �
PSS. Im always checking out profiles as it�s good to put a face to a name after reading your blog!! Cheers.
Posted by: dontknowwhy08 at April 27, 2008 9:29 PM
To help with the spell checking aspect - download Mozilla Firefox and use that for your internet browsing instead of that turd of a browser Internet Explorer.
It is faster and more secure than IE, it is free to download, and most relevant to this post, it has an inbuilt spell check function which checks your spelling as you type into fields like this comment thread.
And yes, it has all the regional spellings as well (ie US English, Australian English, UK English, Canadian English et al)
Posted by: stoic at April 27, 2008 9:26 PM
Hi Ianinperth,
Absolutely true I myself am a one fingered typist...not smart enough to learn how to use anything other than my index right; but pretty quick with it!!
Is that a Keeshond puppy you are holding?
Hi Laila,
Being fair though....are we surprised that Timewarps posts take hours to compose...after all, hes not a man that is likely to be caught short for words!!
Hi Kaz,
It works for me though; so thats really all that matters...to me!!
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at April 27, 2008 9:19 PM
Hi Possum,
Not everyone has had the advantage of a great eduction.
I know my grammar is not the best and I make an extra effort to check for typos in spelling.
When I was in High School I was basically ignored by my teachers so I never learned how to use grammar correctly and still have trouble to this day.
I'm starting to think plastic surgery will only up my chances.
Chris
Posted by: chris261 at April 27, 2008 9:15 PM
Hi - There are a few simple things that can make putting a legible profile together a little easier.
The obvious one is to spell check on your software (that is if you cut and paste, then copy to this site).
Read it out aloud.
If this doesn't help, because you do the normal thing and subconciously fill in the grammatic blanks or errors (you know what should be there), then print a copy and ask someone you trust to proof it for you.
Even after these, and any others, go back and read your profile every once in a while. Be prepared to find something that you've overlooked. As so many have said your profile is your initial selling point so take the time to get the little things right.
Posted by: ynotalice at April 27, 2008 9:11 PM
A lot of the older guys have never learned to type and find it very difficult on the computer. It doesn't necessarily mean they are not nice people.
Posted by: iaminperth at April 27, 2008 8:45 PM
That's right, iaminperth, TW says he can'ttype and take hours to compose his posts.
Posted by: lailaj at April 27, 2008 9:09 PM
Blueeyedgirl, l hadn't seen your profile before you changed it but it looks fine to me.
Having a gander at other profiles can be a good way of checking things out, and l am sure you will be like the rest of us and change it from time to time, updating and deleting things as they come and go.
Mine has on it that l am reading Underbelly, and l usually am a very fast reader, but this one is a nice slow read....So when l have finished it off it goes....Mind you l have seen the entire series, as has probably most of Victoria, where it is actually been banned :-)
I can understand about not wanting a picture, it took me ages to put one up.
You will do it in your own time.....So until next time........................K
Posted by: auntykaz at April 27, 2008 9:06 PM
Hi Laila,
Sadly people that are screwed up.....similar to those that are evil; dont see themselves that way. I was thinking in the realms of limiting the choices so that if you dont fit married or single, you might just be screwed up...at least it works in theory (for me anyway)!!!
Possum,
Dont get me wrong...not making a judgement call on you being critical or judemental...far from it...just making an observation that you might have missed. Then again, does spelling really matter if the person cannot even construct a sentence? I personally dont care whether the person can spell....their ability with the written English language isn't an indication of the character of the person...plenty of educated people on the blogs here with whom you wouldn't be caught dead!!!
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at April 27, 2008 9:01 PM
Yes Stoic
I'm sure there are more important things for the government to think about than these issues, as you rightly say, they are of little importance.
Posted by: virgil at April 27, 2008 8:52 PM
Surely the profile is there to give an indication of the person and his/hers likes and dislikes. I don't see how all preferences can be covered and surely that is why you exchange e-mails firstly to find out more and then, the telephone calls, and then if all works out well the meeting. I have had a few responses from people who state on their profile they don't like pets and I would think from my picture and profile it's pretty obviously I do. One particularly nice person I met simply had clicked the wrong button and didn't realise he had say that. I think we should all lighten up and stop judging people so much, after all everyone makes mistakes or makes a typo now and then. A lot of the older guys have never learned to type and find it very difficult on the computer. It doesn't necessarily mean they are not nice people.
Posted by: iaminperth at April 27, 2008 8:45 PM
Awww, Bob, thank you, l don't think anyone has called me a perfect example of anything before !!!
You get my drift though, which is good, as l wasn't sure if l explained it right.
I must say Bob, those with "screwed up" as an option would probably never admit to it anyway.....
Valid option or not, that would surely give the game away, and therefore their deceptive intent would be there for all to see............
Then they wouldn't be able to have their "fun", for want of a better word.
Oh well Bob, back to the drawing board, mate..................K
Posted by: auntykaz at April 27, 2008 8:42 PM
Hi Bob,
I've only been looking around these blogs for a few minutes and have already realised it's quite easy to be attacked! Thanks for the heads up though;)
So to be safe maybe I should clarify more: Spelling is something that not only I look at but also the vast majority of my friends. It does say a lot about a person's personality. I do try to give everyone a chance and realise there are people who just don't like to use capitals or are dyslexic - that's fine. I can generally differentiate between dyslexia and lack of care. But in my eyes not bothering to use correct spelling in a profile - a first point of contact - is equivalent to rocking up to a date in dirty jeans and thongs and a wife beater top (which, mind you, would be perfectly appropriate if the date involved a live gig... but maybe not a coffee or drink at the pub, but that's not the point;)).
So I'm not trying to criticise or judge anyone, just trying to be helpful! Re-read your profiles! And if you're not a great speller, use spell-check. It will up your chances, I can guarantee that!
Posted by: possum83a at April 27, 2008 8:38 PM
Bob,
Do people actually know if they are screwed up?...just a thought...I might change my profile after today's wise thoughts to: am single, at least I think I am...forget those four divorces, and maybe I want to get married and maybe I am screwed up...why don't we meet and you can let me know:))
Posted by: lailaj at April 27, 2008 8:35 PM
blueeyedgirl72 - liked your updated profile, more positive tone and the hitchhikers ref was a nice piece of subtle humour
Posted by: ynotalice at April 27, 2008 8:26 PM
Kaz...........I hadn't given any thought to the separated/divorced/single dilemna before !!
Like you I am separated, have been so for nearly 3 years, am in the process of sorting out the financial issues, haven't seen my ex husband for 2 years, have no intention of ever reviving my relationship with him.......I see myself as single although I have separated on my profile, and now I am just hoping there are not too many blokes out there that write you off if you display that status !!
Posted by: jenjen57 at April 27, 2008 8:18 PM
Hi Possum,
Welcome aboard, but be aware that this is not always a nice place to air an opinion (who'd think a dating site could be so nasty at times?).
Just one point on you comment about spelling, grammar and punctuation....has it occurred to you that the nice/cute guys are actually illiterate?
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at April 27, 2008 8:09 PM
Hi Kaz,
You are a perfect example of this whole debate....someone who has finished with the whole previous relationship and sees themselves as single, without intent to deceive.
Maybe the descriptions should be limited to "married, single or screwed-up".....that way the "srewed-up" have a valid option to nominate and no excuses for deceit
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at April 27, 2008 8:03 PM
Yay, I didn't realise there was a forum. I was just looking through guys' profiles thinking "if only I could tell them where they're going wrong!". There were so many guys who sounded great but either had off-putting photos, put no effort into their profiles, or did my biggest pet peeve...
If I can give one piece of advice only:
SPELL PEOPLE!!!! Use grammar! Check your profile for typos!!!!!!!
I will not waste my time with someone who won't even spend 30 seconds checking their profile for mistakes. In my mind, bad spelling or grammar can be explained by one of two things only:
a) lack of intelligence and/or schooling
b) lack of effort
Either way it makes for an instant "no" from me.
So please, please spell properly! Most of my friends get put-off by bad spelling as well - it's not just me! I don't mean to sound negative but I just hate to see nice/cute guys' profiles going to waste because of such a small (but important) thing.
Posted by: possum83a at April 27, 2008 7:54 PM
Much appreciate the feedback... Please check out my updated profile, still not ready to post my picture, just a big chicken without the feathers!! Hope this clarified a few things for some of you.
Posted by: blueeyedgirl72 at April 27, 2008 7:51 PM
Blueyedgirl72.........all I can suggest is that you put your photo up there to start with.........apparently profiles with a visible photo get a better response rate...........but what would I know..........I have been here for months............:)
Posted by: jenjen57 at April 27, 2008 7:37 PM
This is something that l have not thought much about....l have "single" on my profile as this is how l see myself.....
Legally l am separated, have done the financial settlement, and have absolutely no intention of ever getting back with my former husband. The divorce is the last remaining thing to be done, which he is doing.
So am l deceiving anyone with having single on my profile??
I guess it is all perspective based........K
Posted by: auntykaz at April 27, 2008 7:34 PM
hi blueeyedgirl72
dont look at every contact as a potential date, more as a friend first and see what comes later, good luck boss
Posted by: bossanova2008 at April 27, 2008 7:31 PM
After reading the comments about divorced or separated vs single, I asked my 18 yo what she considered my status to be... she said "Single!!! FFS Mum, you and Dad split up when I was a baby and you got divorced when I was in primary school (1995). If that doesn't make you single, I don't know what does". I think she's right and I agree with Virgil that an arbitrary statute of limitations could apply, though not necessarily legislated. Could we be considered "single" again after five, seven or maybe ten years???
On topic, my advice would be to not place too much store in a profile photo. After having met a few blokes for dinner etc and over 40 men and women at various Blog Meets, my experience has been that most are far better in the flesh, both in looks and overall appeal. Sure, we're all visual beings to some degree, but I now have friends that I would never have chosen to meet by their profile pics alone!!
Posted by: victoriadownunder at April 27, 2008 7:31 PM
Blueeyedgirl72- Could i just make a few suggestions, to help you out? When I first read your headline, I was confused, you mentioned single and new to dating, thus I had visions of a virgian. I was puzzled then read on
to discover you have two children but you didn't state their age. It would be good if a guy knew if they are littlies or not.
I don't know what other caucasion is and without a pic, it is again puzzling.
I'm a big girl too tho I state I am average, this is because I have lost 32 kilos and am almost there now. I have also found that there are a number of men out there who are attracted to bigger girls, so be shy, put your pic up and state your size.
Your a star wars fan? Are you avid, do you collect memorabillia? May need to state further.
And lastly you are interested in trying some kind of sport, this is a major plus in a man's book! Try and add in a for example...... This will help heaps.
Otherwise you sound great, I hope you start getting kisses all over the place!
R.
Posted by: redgem65 at April 27, 2008 7:26 PM
hi blueeyedgirl72 checked your profile my main comment would be to drop the negativity about yourself and put in your profile what your body type is, there are others here that most probably can help you with the other details, i am still learning about how people interperate profiles. there are a fair few ruthless types on here, but also some genuine people it just a matter of being careful and not take anything negative as personel good luck boss
Posted by: bossanova2008 at April 27, 2008 7:22 PM
blueeyedgirl72.
Don't be hard on yourself.
At least you have been honest. I have learnt that life is not worth glossing over when it comes to what you think.
Chris
Posted by: chris261 at April 27, 2008 7:18 PM
Hi Back2Vegas,
I will send tyou a "Kiss".....send me back one of the "bugger off" messages and tell me how it feels....you might just get to enjoy doing it!!! I have no problem with your attitude in not responding....its your time and your choice, so dont let anyone else brow beat you (though get the impression that wont happen anyway).
Hi Virgil,
My reasons for being "single" have nothing to do with RSVP or reponses; its what I am in all facets in my life. I do agree though that there needs to be something else if "separated" is to be truthfully used in its legal context (ie Separated for x years). Then again, I think that there should be another ID under "Relationship Sought" that says "Marriage" if that is what you want, or would consider.
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at April 27, 2008 6:55 PM
Virgil, you don't think there is more important things for the government to worry about than piddly shit like time limits on arbitrary phrases like "separated" and "divorced"?
Posted by: stoic at April 27, 2008 6:45 PM
Must apologize to all, just reread my blog posting, do I sound like one cranky old hag!! Just disappointed, I was encouraged to try RSVP as I have literally never dated before...and may not anytime soon. Ah well this is just one more new experience to chalk up. thanks.. would actually appreciate feedback on my profile...did I do it OK?
Posted by: blueeyedgirl72 at April 27, 2008 6:33 PM
I have hidden my profile as the first week i spent responding to people that didn't even fit my profile so i hid it. Now i can't even get someone to respond to a kiss that i send cause we have a lot in common.These people must be looking for a model and other than to put my measurements on my profile i am not happy with this site at all, they lie about how much they drink they all think the beach and fishing is the only thing you can do( they all must know each other cause thats alot of people out fishing) and there not interested if you live more than walking distance from where they live, as for baggage get over your selves cause you to have baggage you just need to look deeper inside and you will find it.
Posted by: deedotharry at April 27, 2008 6:31 PM
Notgodsgift
A very good example, exactly what TW was talking about, if you described yourself as separated, you would limit your responses to about 20% probably even less than you are getting now.
That your married life finished 18 years ago, even though only separated, is a clear indication of permanancy even TW would agree.
I think it all comes down to intent. Clearly you see yourself as single, and rightly so. You have no intent to deceive a prospective partner single is simply the way you see yourself.
I think there should be a statutory time limit on the terms "separated" and "divorced" but there never will be, as there is no advantage to any politician.
Posted by: virgil at April 27, 2008 5:37 PM
hi all, as a newbie on this site just had to share my experiences so far... in a nutshell, failure. Woe is me, my photo is password protected but I have happily shared it when requested, have also noted on my profile that I am no supermodel but a real woman...surprise surprise..do they think I'm lying? Obviously, because as soon as they see me..."they have recently responded to someone else" or "your profile does not match" or no further reply at all. I wish they at least had the guts to acknowledge that a fat chick wasn't what they were looking for. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there when you are less than stellar looking, and of course they all looked like George Clooney. This could just be me though...and to be honest if they are that shallow, maybe they aren't right for me either. I have stamps and no one to share them with...
Posted by: blueeyedgirl72 at April 27, 2008 5:05 PM
Thanks everyone for the warm welcomes! I guess it was safe to stop lurking and start talking... :-)
Malsie @ 1.46pm: I will try at some point to check out those archives...must allow a little time for living in the real world though, I can see this gets a bit addictive! Meanwhile I hear you about the 'baggage' - it comes in so many shapes and sizes and most people have it in some form. I guess some people say they don't want you to have baggage because they want to ensure that you are genuinely ready for a serious relationship, ie completely over your ex, or not still caught up in anything messy and unresolved that's going to stand in the way. I can understand that, but I agree that putting it on your profile in that way is a bit negative and dismissive of people's life experience.
And ha ha Bob, I just checked out your profile and unless you've lied all over it and someone else wrote it for you (and they do your blog entries too)...you don't fit that description at all! Apart from the +48 bit, of course. And the point is, you obviously know what you want and wouldn't solicit attention from feisty 31-year-olds who live a 10-hour drive up the road - so I'd never have to send you that awful 'profile does not match' response. :-)
Posted by: back2vegas at April 27, 2008 4:26 PM
Hi Back2Vegas,
Hey, whats wrong with us +48 yo overweight, illiterate, chain-smoking, irresponsible old farts (apart from that, we are no bad blokes really)....no soft option used there....you are getting good at this already!!!!
To be honest, I have had contacts made to me that resulted in emails...then nothing. I didn't really give it much thought as to why they decided to break off that contact....their money spent to initiate the contact and if they dont want to chat anymore, thats also their perogative, to me anyway.
I have stated before that I dont know what I want, but do know what I dont want. The whole thing is a package...certain things you will like and others you wont like so much....its a balancing act. When you meet someone where you just "click", all the negatives aren't so negative anymore, and the positives are far more positive. Problem is, you never know who that person is until you meet them...the big drawback on RSVP because the meetings are contrived.
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at April 27, 2008 3:30 PM
Hi All,
I agree with Firelightlady on this definition of "single". I myself describe me as single, but officially I am only separated, because I have never actually gone through the formality of divorce.
Now before all the howling starts about deceptive conduct occurs, let me tell you why I am "single" on RSVP.
To me, the term "separated" reflects a recent occurence in your life. I separated from my wife when I was 34....I am now 52, hardly a recent occurence. I last laid eyes on my ex 10 years ago...hardly carrying a candle for her or hoping for some sort of reconciliation. I am not looking to get married again, nor do I pretend that I am interested in being in that institution again (I can think of many other institutions that have far more appeal to me than that....all involve electric shock treatment on my gonads)!!!!
People who are "separated" recently can have all sorts of issues going on within; hence why would I want to put myself out as in that dynamic....lets talk REAL common sense shall we???
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at April 27, 2008 2:33 PM
welcome back2vegas all comments welcome stir the pot all u like confusious once said the central purpose of education is to stimulate the ability to think, and rsvp is part of lifes education, never stop learning i say. Decoratress yes eye contact tells you alot about a person and i agree about the far away shots they really do not show anything
Timewarp it ok mate
Posted by: bossanova2008 at April 27, 2008 1:55 PM
back2vegas - welcome to the fold! There aren't actually any "rules" here other than the rsvp ones - I see no reason to not be as controversial as you like (not that I think your post was - all made very good sense). A few of us have problems when people start getting personally insulting rather than just debating subjects, but others must clearly thrive on it as it continually happens that way....
If you look back in the archives there are heaps of posts already on the subjects you raised (especially about things that put people off in profiles) - not that it can't be discussed again, of course...
One of my pet hates in profiles is negativity: things about how badly done-by someone has been, how much they've been hurt, that they don't want anyone without -that awful term - "baggage" (as if they've discovered the secret of eternal internal serenity and unless you have too, forget it - as if!) Obviously people would rather attract a more balanced person who is not angst ridden with old issues, but everyone has "stuff" they're working on. It's not realistic to assume otherwise, I think.
Posted by: malsie at April 27, 2008 1:46 PM
back2vegas @ 1.20pm: Welcome to someone new with heaps of good thoughts to share. Please keep it coming.
And yes, of course Separated is worth its own box - AFTER Single is replaced with Never married, so they can't hide their true status there.
That's the basis of all that I've been working around to today. Cheers.
Posted by: timewarp1 at April 27, 2008 1:46 PM
boss @ 1.04pm: I'm with you.
Sunglasses = cool = inscrutible = mysterious = hiding your true self, probably either because you're insecure, or have something to hide.
Several different reasons, all a turn-off for other people who are hoping for an honest sharing committed equal relationship.
Caveat emptor!
Take them off before you kiss people, because they mist up and transmit even less information.
Posted by: timewarp1 at April 27, 2008 1:33 PM
hi, timewarp - I was only talking about the childless situation, not being single! I have a grown up child but have always been single...
Profile wise I have no problems with any descriptions of people's "marital" situation other than those who specify "attached" if it's clear they're looking for an affair.
Posted by: malsie at April 27, 2008 1:27 PM
Boss @ 1.04pm: Sorry mate. Hadn't peeped at your profile, to check out all your vital statistics.
Another example where bm1960's recent suggestion to classify yourself at the end of each post would have helped. So I will now, before I finally head off at last. Seeyez.
M-72-Div-Bris
Posted by: timewarp1 at April 27, 2008 1:21 PM
Well, I've been 'lurking' around this blog for a couple of days now...and couldn't handle being a pariah any more. So I thought I'd better add my two cents worth as someone who is new to the RSVP experience...
Re the kiss replies - there are only three ways to respond negatively to a kiss if you have normal membership: 'recently responded to someone else'; 'your profile doesn't match'; and just plain old 'flattered but does not wish to correspond further'. I use the second option when it's true - if I say I'm looking for a 30-something, smart, fit, non-smoking, childless Brisbane male and a 48-year-old, illiterate, overweight, chain-smoking father of three from Wagga sends a kiss, 'your profile does not match' seems like a reasonable response. But if for some other reason I'm not interested, I confess to having used 'recently responded to someone else' because there is no other 'soft' option - at least it gives a reason, whereas the only other choice seems a bit blunt. Lesson learned from this blog though - I will stick to the blunt one for the sake of honesty in future.
In a few recent cases I have been kissed and responded positively, either with a kiss or an email, and then after corresponding briefly or not at all, they've disappeared, never to be heard from again. Strange to me that you would initiate contact, follow up, then give up. I have very clear photos on my profile and I think it's a pretty accurate reflection of me, so they can't be running scared so soon at having discovered something they didn't know. If you change your mind, for any reason, how hard is it to show the courtesy of saying so? Especially if you initiated the contact!
I would be interested to hear what things people find off-putting in a profile? There was talk of smoking earlier in this blog. I have discovered I don't like it when someone puts no criteria in their ideal partner profile and then says 'I don't know what my ideal partner is like because I haven't met her yet.' It sets off alarm bells for me that someone in my age bracket has no idea what they want in a partner. Are they just hedging their bets? It smacks of desperation to me...
Uh-oh, I think I just broke the newbie rule of avoiding controversy for a while. Well, while I'm at it - I'm not sure how the married and de facto people would feel about being put in the same box as the separated, timewarp1. I see your point that separated is different to divorced, but it's still an indication of a failed relationship, which I hope the former two are not! Let's just give separated it's own special box, hey? :-)
Posted by: back2vegas at April 27, 2008 1:20 PM
boss @ 1.04pm...
Good topic!
'the eyes are the window to the soul'
..we've all heard that saying, & it has a lot of truth in it. Eye contact, even through a photograph, is pretty vital to reading a person's face..
But having said that.. I guess it's no different to profile pics which are too distant or too blurred to see the eyes anyway.
Neither attract me..
Go the Eyes! (sorry, Pies followers...)
Posted by: decoratress at April 27, 2008 1:18 PM
Hi timewarp for the record i am a male. a topic i would like comment on is people who put their pics up with sunglasses on,cheers for now boss
Posted by: bossanova2008 at April 27, 2008 1:04 PM
Iaminperth @ 11.37am: Have some self-respect, girl!
Tell Mr Svengali that you were embarrassed about having to make that comment. Totally out of character. He should have got one of his naughty male puppets to hurl that dig, instead of embarrassing a lady puppet who's topped the over-48 female top 100, Australia-wide, and has her reputation to consider.
3 out of 10 for credibility that time, Mr S.
Posted by: timewarp1 at April 27, 2008 12:35 PM
bossanova2008 at 11:46am: Some people who are 20 miles further to the right than I am about marital responsibilities, would thunder:
"That was the Lord reminding you that you're still divorced, woman! It's one part of who you'll always be!"
And then I'd add:
"And it proves that you have the right to go and do it all over again. Even the dreaded 'M' word! Go girl! "
Actually it's I who"s gotta go. Seeyez.
Posted by: timewarp1 at April 27, 2008 12:18 PM
iaminperth- never assume anything in a name obviously your mind is down one track I see amdoingit as totally different get your mind out of the gutter or above your navel.
Posted by: saphires4me at April 27, 2008 11:58 AM
wishfulthinker03 at 9:42am: "Sometimes I think the divorced ones are still just as attached as the married/attached or separated ones."
Bullseye, ma'am. Probably applies much more to men than women, though.
Statistics I've collected suggest that mature-aged Brisbane women who were prepared to meet me had, after the end of their last significant relationship, usually spent 5 to 7 years grieving (= burying most of their baggage) then living uncoupled, before they felt the need to look for their next romantic partner, enough to do something about it.
That's if they'd previuosly been divorced. If widowed, often only 2 to 4 years. Maybe less anti-man baggage to bury, so it didn't take as long?
And I haven't got figures on separated women - very few have snuck in through my unusually-fine antique "morality" filter.
What really interested me was that they reported that the other men they'd been in contact with, had 'claimed' to be out of their last ralationship only from 3 to 18 months.
We could make guesses about the reasons for the men's extra urgency, from wanting someone to cook and launder for them again, past missing being in the cot, and on to being naturally more needy of anchor points for their identity, whether it's being associated with a job, a football team or a woman.
Yes wishful, I'd guess a lot of those men had completely bypassed the step of getting rid of their baggage.
It seemed to take me a bit over 2 years, and I'm sure there's a green emviro supermarket bag of it still stashed somewhere, after 15 years. But then I'm a very dedicated lover. My major life's work.
Wait a bit - we've been talking about emotional attachment. Legal attachment is what worries me, but I won't rabbit on any more about that rabbit trap, hidden under the sands of time.
You also posted: "Maybe the space should be left blank so we can fill in what we like...."
Most modern marketing organisations like to gather very detailed statistics about their customer base, to help them market to existing and potential customers.
If they had more customers with my moral and legal sensibilities, they'd force the choice between
*never married,
*married, de facto or separated,
*divorced or
*widowed,
But that would upset all the married, de facto and separated people of both sexes, who want open slather access to get at the opposite gender.
And then leave it to Caveat emptor (Buyer beware!) to protect the naive and heart-breakable from their depredations.
Gets down off soapbox and heads for laundromat. Seeyez all.
Posted by: timewarp1 at April 27, 2008 11:47 AM
Hi all good to see the discussion on status going strongly, well here is a laugh i was divorced in 1995, (yes paperwork all done) in 2001 my house was burntdown and very little was salvaged, whilst picking through the burntout mess to try and salvage anything came across some papers which survived due to being packed tightly away and the first thing i found that could be read was the official decree of my divorce. So after reading the discussions going on methinks with the time that has passed i should be going under the status of single, hmmm well cheers boss
Posted by: bossanova2008 at April 27, 2008 11:46 AM
I have been lucky enough to meet a couple of very nice men through rsvp. In response to several comments about status, I would like to add that it is extremely important to be totally honest about your real 'status' when meeting someone. One very likable guy told me that he was divorced with 3 children. After a couple of weeks of dinners drinks after work and long romantic calls, he let it slip that he had been divorced 3 times, and had children to each of his wives. He tried to explain it away by saying that divorced was divorced and it didn't matter how any times he had been married or divorced. That was not including the relationships between marriages. His belief was that once I got to know him, it wouldn't matter. I believe that it does matter. Being deceiptful from the onset only sets the pace for the future of your relationship. I don't particularly like being a contender for wife number 4 in what appears to be a very long list of short lived relationships.
Posted by: waterlily58 at April 27, 2008 11:44 AM
Hi amdoingit, I thought you were out there doing 'it' and having fun too. I thought that sounds like a happy lady! and very open and honest as well, lol.
Posted by: iaminperth at April 27, 2008 11:37 AM
With regard to potential partners with or without children from previous relationships I can go either way on this one.
I have found men without children are often great with mine. The difference is that I don't expect them (or any other partner) to be a replacement father. So there is an understanding up front that these are my friends and not usurping their dad with whom they have a good relationship.
I am lucky to have a lot of male friends, and so boyfriends can either join the mix or not, and there doesn't tend to be any hassle. I am not sure my last boyfriend really wanted to stand in for me at my daughter's music recital when I got delayed in Sydney, but he did and he still occasionally joins us for a BBQ. (thanks Andy!)
I wouldn't say I have ever found one that was selfish, but then I haven't dated every guy I met for coffee either, they get filtered out in conversation.
Posted by: firelightlady at April 27, 2008 11:20 AM
We have a fairly good system for deciding who sends the email, that is of course the person who sends the original kiss.
That system works, up to the point where the person receiving the kiss, thinks, hey, if I dont respond with the email, and ask the kisser to send it, they might not send it.
So, I guess the receiver of the kiss then sends the email.
I was going to put this as a question, but the act of writing it down has clarified it in my mind.
Posted by: virgil at April 27, 2008 11:19 AM
Laila..re the moniker.. I wish !!! Came about while trying to find a name. Everything I came up with was taken.. Frustration aplenty between friend and self whilst setting up profile. Made a comment like "ok I'm doing it" and that's how it came about. Thought nought of it at the time but has drawn a few comments of late so time for a change methinks... Back to the name dilema!! ."G".
Posted by: amdoingit at April 27, 2008 11:10 AM
TW
I can see your point, and agree with it to a certain extent.
This might sound silly, but I tend to describe myself, as I think of myself.
For 23 years, I was married, 2 years later, in 1998 I got divorced. I suppose for a few years, and several relationships, I thought of mysel
Voltharem
The last person who used the phrase "pearls before swine" on these blogs was Slimey
Isn't it time to run Alien Resurrection, the Movie.
Posted by: captthunderbolt at April 28, 2008 6:16 PM
Is this real Captain?
Someone on a dating blog had a profile called slimey? I know some people on their profiles are their own worst enemies, but slimey?
Posted by: virgil at April 29, 2008 9:49 AM