RSVP Blog

Voltharem

The last person who used the phrase "pearls before swine" on these blogs was Slimey

Isn't it time to run Alien Resurrection, the Movie.

Posted by: captthunderbolt at April 28, 2008 6:16 PM

Is this real Captain?

Someone on a dating blog had a profile called slimey? I know some people on their profiles are their own worst enemies, but slimey?

Posted by: virgil at April 29, 2008 9:49 AM

WB ... Classy I meant, BUT I hoped you would have sensed the sarcasm. I am not in the habit of buying them. I am satisfied with the late night French movies on SBS where you at least you get a proper storyline.
Laan ... your photos are lovely, the photo you are concerned about (I assume) is nothing on some of the trashy ones Ive seen.
Bob ... not with you on the elephant trick as some of us surely would fall 'short' of the mark. Don't need anymore humiliation in my life atm.
I said in my first blog the other day that I check out profiles to put a face to a name, as I know others have done to me, but can anyone tell me why some are coming up as "not found", when they have just posted a blog?

Posted by: dontknowwhy08 at April 29, 2008 7:44 AM

well boobs, cleavage and hidden profiles are still the topic I notice....am back from a lovely long weekend at the coast!!!

Hidden profiles, its your choice, BUT a lot don't like it as we have multiple profilers here, so you are never sure which "sybill" you may be talking too. But if you are a blogger that is seeing someone, hidden is the only way to go.

Boobs, welll, I have them!! and any sane woman knows that you make the best with what you have got, those with great legs or great bums dress to show them off, so why shouldn't those with boobs??

So I have an attitude that they are all mine, they still look good, I have good cleavage, I am comfortable with my shape, and I dress accordingly, in fact, I don't even think about it, I know what clothing looks good, and buy that way, and no one has ever complained!!!

Luckily I also have good hair and skin, so they/males could also be looking at my face!!!!!!!! lol...

If I had great legs, I would wear short skirts.....it is all relative to what you have and how you dress it and what you are comfortable with.

Sooo, lets get over the boobs and talk war.

My son is over in Iraq, and asked me yesterday if a soldier had died in Afghanistan?
They had not been told, but were hearing things from rellies, as they are all aloud to phone home, unrestricted. As you know it was all over the media here. So, I explained to him what we were being told, about the skirmish and the shooting and the youung soldier being killed and others being injured. He was very sad for the young guy that got killed. He is now going out on patrol, so I now have to wait about 4 days before he calls in again. (bugger)

I might have to go into the "spice up your life" topic for a bit of light relief....what was sex again???? Have a lovely day all...jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at April 29, 2008 7:41 AM

eastofcbd - I agree with your comments and I like your profile. What is it with people putting old photos up on the site?

Re Shawshank.... did you write that because you know the code for that movie on RSVP or simply your observation from reading profiles?

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at April 29, 2008 7:05 AM

Although, could be average Bazza or Gazza come to think of it.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 29, 2008 6:59 AM

There are a lot of man boob shots, with tops or without who state in their profile they are average and are always looking for slim woman. Their preference I suppose but guys moobs are not average on a bloke especially with perky nips on the end!

Posted by: iaminperth at April 29, 2008 6:58 AM

Hi Laan,

Hardly think that you have too much to worry about....your photos are not the "boob shots" that others are talking about; and you are quite a stunning looking woman, so cant see too much criticism being thrown your way.

Funny topic for sure....maybe we guys should pull our trouser pockets out and pretend we are elephants!!

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at April 29, 2008 1:37 AM

laan2612 at April 28, 2008 10:47 PM

Cheers. Well balanced funny profile, nice photo's and a fellow lizard lover. High marks.
Candied squid; on a par with a prawn flavored milkshake?
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at April 29, 2008 12:55 AM

Hey I got published....

Posted by: eastofcbd at April 28, 2008 11:44 PM

Laan.@ 10.47pm
Forget that dreaded boob shot, I have been reliably told that the lad is now dead set against that amount of hair you are showing. So if it is of any use you might go and shave your head before he checks out your profile, then he can only see your boob shot, and not fall into a diatribe of distaste. Of course if the discarded hair is of wig quality, rather than waste it you can send it to me and I will ensure it will be recycled. What colour is it, I prefere Auburn but any colour will do. ( I find it hard to take it seriously too lol)
Keep blogging.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at April 28, 2008 11:37 PM

Well, you do too, iaan2612, but very tasteful, all the same. And you're from Cairns, where I believe you have something called summer. But you probably have to look at bloke's boob shots up there. There's something to be said for the Melbourne climate after all.

Posted by: waterbombe at April 28, 2008 11:25 PM

Amberlight thanks for your kind words on the now closed blog. I was so impressed by your earlier postings and political knowledge along with Aunty Kaz and others, and now I can see why since your revealed not just your interest but your first hand experience in Local Government.

Voltairen, I have presumed you are a man...from a clue in a much earlier posting..but male or female your posts are such a relief to find full of rational common sense and fairness. Thanks.

You don't need a visible profile to blog, but it seems to be a worry to some..perhaps those only capable of reading books with pictures.....

Posted by: thelynathdiary at April 28, 2008 11:12 PM

CLASSY mags, Dontknowwhynot? Don't you mean GLOSSY? Easy mistake to make though.

Yep, those many-profilers need to get out more...a lot more.

Posted by: waterbombe at April 28, 2008 11:05 PM

dontknowwhy08 @ 9.55. I feel the same about guys without shirts. Not that I don't like a nice 6 pack but is the same as showing your boobs, time and place thing.
Comment on internet dating... I would really love to meet a man who has an honest profile eg, 55 not 65, average build is not 30 kilos overweight, recent photo is good too, not the one on your first business card. What about the tossers who want a woman years younger than them... sheeezz I would like a younger man but lets get real here guys (and girls).
I have been here (on and off) for a number of years, seen lots come and go, serial daters I think they would be called, and to be honest am quite disallusioned. However having said that I remain the eternal optimist and KNOW that somewhere out there in cyber space is my last great love affair.

Posted by: eastofcbd at April 28, 2008 10:57 PM

laughsandtalks at April 28, 2008 7:46 PM

I thought that was a very funny post, Marcus. Great mental imagery lol.

Please, no attacks on my profile pics. I've just checked and I think I have a dreaded boob shot. If you don't like them, I strongly advise you not to look lol.

(All said tongue in cheek of course. I can't take this subject seriously, I'm sorry!)

Laan

Posted by: laan2612 at April 28, 2008 10:47 PM

"Posted by: oldergent at April 28, 2008 9:04 PM ....See G your advice as always is followed." (re ignoring invisible blogger scoundrels.)

Erm... I'm sorry to burst your bubble, OG, but your response to my reasoned argument, wherein you refer it as "invective" (nice!) and then even outline the only conditions under which you would ever respond to a "sniper" such as I - well, sorry mate, but that doesn't exactly count as ignoring me, does it? Not even if you add Troy's name somewhere near the top of it.

Naughty, disobedient blogger that I am, how dare I exercise my free will by choosing to make my profile visible or not, at my own discretion. Who do I think I am, an adult or something? Just kidding, but come on, OG, I know you can do it this time... yes, we know you've already broken your covenant of silence at least twice now, by responding in this and the previous blog , but don't let your need for the last word get in the way of sticking to your guns this time. Come on man, where are your principals? Treat those invisible n'er-do-well scum with the contempt they deserve, and ignore them! Ignore them all! Again.

Posted by: voltairen at April 28, 2008 10:46 PM

Dont08.@9.55pm
Same here, disgusting, apart from those books, what is the price of petrol and where is it, my local is always out of cultural reading material and the petrol is always too dear.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at April 28, 2008 10:40 PM

Iaminperth - I am sure IE works on most computers but I find it excruciatingly slow in responding to mouse clicks and loading pages compared to Firefox.

Firefox is more secure and less open to exploitation than IE and if your system does hang or crash forcing a close or a reboot, Firefox will remember and give you the option of returning to the page(s) you had open when your system went down.

Add in the spell check function and the inbuilt Google search bar, all for a quick and painless (and free) 5.7 MB download and you have a damn fine browser.

Give it a try, it installs quickly and uninstalls easily if you don't like it :)

Posted by: stoic at April 28, 2008 10:34 PM

WB ... Im one of those who is turned off a profile with a photo of a seductive pose in scant clothing with boobs as the focus. If that's what I was after it would be easier and cheaper stopping by the late night servo and picking up on of their classy mags.

Posted by: dontknowwhy08 at April 28, 2008 9:55 PM

hi waterbombe ... got it, i think? lol some people clearly have nothing better to do with their time.

Posted by: dontknowwhy08 at April 28, 2008 9:41 PM

Whats wrong with Explorer, it works for me !

Posted by: iaminperth at April 28, 2008 9:34 PM

Should I be worried Bob?? You really are so in control.. I like Ohhmmm........"G".

Posted by: amdoingit at April 28, 2008 9:29 PM

Bombe. @ 5.55pm
I totally agree with you, even as a baby I knew that more than a mouthfull was a waste.
Marcus.
All that tells me is that you are all males probably with a predisposition to the "Med bum" or anything in a skirt, not that the Survey was not scientifically conducted and worthy of a Uni grant from the Govt.

Dont08.
no mate they are already multiple personalities and have the advantage of all typing together. Confuses the moderator with so many coming in together, the trick is to slip one in between theirs. Just think of those poors souls that follow the Reds, thank god for the Brumbies. But watch Newington this year in the GPS.

Posted by: oldergent at April 28, 2008 9:24 PM

dontknowwhy08, you asked why do people bother to create more than one profile? Well, it's because they don't want to play with your body and love your mind. No. They want to love your body and play with your mind.

Posted by: waterbombe at April 28, 2008 9:11 PM

Marcus, you didn't need to actually DO that research. I could have told you the results in advance. Then you could have attended these venues purely for the voyeuristic experience, instead of jotting down notes and speaking sotto voce into small tape recorders on site. What you needed to know (and thank God you have asked an expert) is this: if the researchers were in fact card-carrying members of the I-Am-A-Sperm-Donor-Only Club (as I am guessing they were) then cleavage would have been of paramount importance to them. Cleavage would have received Top Votes. If, on the other hand, the researchers had been interested in successful long-term relationships, they would have counted cleavage low among the necessary attributes of a partner, and found the site visits diverting but disappointing. No, don't thank me...I'm only too happy to help.

Posted by: waterbombe at April 28, 2008 9:06 PM

Working up the blogs.
K, poor hard worker, every day to me is Friday.
G.not likely OoooHhhhMmmm.(it is the lower down resonance that pleases most)
TROY my boy.
now proceedeth the lesson, it takes 3 concise lines to elicit 24 lines of invective to follow from one blog to another. I also did state that I had viewed your profile, and I am receptive to a stamp to view such a profile of a sniper and hold the disclosure in trust, then and only then will I respond to their posts. But I have found that a false profile is outed in a twinkling by our daring duo the profile police, who have collectively many thousands of years between them depending on the warp they are in, (and if they are allowed to shoot the miscreants,
off the blogs that is). See G your advice as always is followed.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at April 28, 2008 9:04 PM

dontknowwhy08 - ah ok. Another example of Macs "just working" I see... ;)

I don't know much about Macs but for everyone running Windows - ditch that IE junk

Posted by: stoic at April 28, 2008 8:51 PM

virgil ... was joking about AFL but can't understand it, although, that was a good hit by Barry Hall. Anyway have enjoyed being on here, cheers.

Posted by: dontknowwhy08 at April 28, 2008 8:46 PM

Thanks all for your comments, i appreciate it.
timewarp ... haha, if only I could get beyond the first date!
virgil ... what is AFL?
stoic ...im running firefox on a mac and it's an absolute pain as it crashes every now and then, but it is still better than safari.
tradieforalady ... ditto, i did the research and have tried to keep mine different.
i don't get this, why do people bother to create more than one profile? why would they think they have a better chance of getting someone to kiss or email?
and yes, we'll have to see whether the Tahs choke at finals.

Posted by: dontknowwhy08 at April 28, 2008 8:29 PM

waterbombe at April 28, 2008 5:55 PM

WB. Saturday before last, myself, Ken and Ken's mate, Tom the Greek, (who Ken met a few years ago at the Balaclava TAB), conducted a review of attitudes to cleavage and elevated hemispherical busts and buttocks in females.
We studied a Female sample group of approximately 500, approximate age 16 to 35, between 10.00 pm and 4.00 AM at;
a. A nightclub off King St. b. At the club precinct in Chapel St. Sth.Yarra and c. Fitzroy St St Kilda.
Our suprising finding was that all three reviewers 1. favored cleavage, 2. reacted positively to a high bust to body mass index and 3. Reacted positively to elevated, buttocks caused to sway by high heels.
4. Found it is extremely difficult for slightly paunchy, middle aged men to engage in the dialogue needed to assess the Intelligence Quotients & the 'amenability index' of this sample.
Haha
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at April 28, 2008 7:46 PM

well that's true, Stoic, MOST of them don't have that level of committment. But we know from experience that SOME bloggers have had the time and application to create 4 or 5 fake profiles...and more...and blog simultaneously from all of them - as well as date simultaneously from all of them, I presume: a note for the unwary.

Posted by: waterbombe at April 28, 2008 7:04 PM

Wishfulthinker
And just just what is wrong with someone being 500km south? :) :)

Posted by: jovial67 at April 27, 2008 10:30 PM

My,my, it seems someone has converted the 25km radius man then ? :)

Posted by: graceandcharm at April 28, 2008 6:29 PM

Yeah you could do that, Waterbombe but most scammers, trolls, and puppeteers don't have that level of commitment :)

Posted by: stoic at April 28, 2008 6:19 PM

Voltharem

The last person who used the phrase "pearls before swine" on these blogs was Slimey

Isn't it time to run Alien Resurrection, the Movie.

Posted by: captthunderbolt at April 28, 2008 6:16 PM

Posted by: amdoingit at April 28, 2008 5:03 PM

Posted by: voltairen at April 28, 2008 6:05 PM

Good advice, amdoingit.

Posted by: voltairen at April 28, 2008 5:59 PM

How to present yourself on online dating sites - here's another male perspective on cleavage shots, which were recently highly recommended by some of the blokes on here. I don't agree with it, because as I think Iaminperth said, we are not here for blokes' amusement. But I asked a few guys I know on RSVP about this...they said a cleavage shot immediately puts them off, and they flick to the next profile. Why? Because they think if a woman has to use her boobs to advertise herself, then she doesn't have much else going for her...and they think that so many other things are more important to a successful relationship than a woman's boobs. That was one reason. The other one was that if a woman thinks a cleavage shot is important enough to display to everyone, and the man doesn't think her boobs are important (and doesn't even want to see them) then they think they have very little in common with her. So they flick onto another profile ...why pursue someone with whom you believe you have very little in common? The guys I asked were more interested in relationships than in straight-out sperm donation. So there might be a difference there...it depends what the woman is looking for, as always.

Posted by: waterbombe at April 28, 2008 5:55 PM

This demand for a visible profile is a joke, guys...I could mock up a fake one, download a pic from the internet, change my gender, age, profession, interests, etc etc...and post on the blogs. What would you say..."well, he can speak with some authority on these here blogs because he's a decent 25 year old bloke who's into footy and democracy. We can tell that from his profile"? You have NO idea if someone's profile is real unless you have met them in person. Marcus, you could in fact be a 75 year old woman for all we know.

Posted by: waterbombe at April 28, 2008 5:43 PM

I was unable to sign in on the "Degree' topic also.
Moneysex - First did you create your profile just to write that piece? Because I notice you are hidden. Would be interested to read the profile of the person who wrote it.
I think what you say is such a sad and narrow view.
Have you been hurt? Do you not enjoy sex?
I think both things (money and sex) can, should and do enhance relationships and of course love.
Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at April 28, 2008 5:40 PM

Bob (OG) don't bite. Not worth it !!!... "G"

Posted by: amdoingit at April 28, 2008 5:03 PM

Marcus, don't you dare give the new boy ideas !!!
Peter.. don't listen ok? Friendly banter & rivalry is what most of us strive for...Well I think so anyway....
Your profile is a nice fresh approach. Glad it's working for you......"G"

Posted by: amdoingit at April 28, 2008 4:59 PM

Malsie, you could say l was perfect, Bob thought l was a perfect example, but l am sure there are others who would heartily dispute that.........

OG, you said in the degree blog that l was thoughtful and calm. (l think)...Thank you, but unfortunately both don't always apply to me on Mondays.....l don't like Mondays....

Troyboy, also on the other blog (for some reason l can't post on it..maybe its closed), Are you referring to the comments about "condescending testicles"???
If so, l will reply here...
I took the original comment by TLD as a joke, which you may have gleaned from my reply to it. So thought another reply was not warranted. If that is what you meant by "following the party line", can l politely ask, is that the champagne party??
That is the only party l follow Troyboy, a bottle of nice dry bubbles party :-).

If l make a comment it is my own, in reponse to others. Naturally we are going to agree and disagree with others, you may have noticed that l at times agree with members of the opposite sex and at other times with females.
Sometimes l question females as well as males, you may have seen me question Femalepersuasion yesterday, a relatively benign query, just to clarify a point she had made. Not a biggie l would have thought....
.......K

Posted by: auntykaz at April 28, 2008 4:57 PM

[Was unable to post the following reply on the previous blog, "Want a husband? Get a degree", as it has just closed.]

One phrase comes to mind, Troy, pearls before swine. I fear that nothing I write will ever get through to you, as you are so obviously intent on continuing to make it up as you bumble along. Ah well, that is your reality, I suppose.

And you, oldergent, should know better than to be so selective about those whom you "permit" to hide their profile. You also write (28/4 @ 1.16pm) that you now class me as "leaning towards female, or very near to it". Why, may I ask, have you labelled me thus, if not due to the words I have written? And if you disagree with them or don't like them, does that automatically make me a woman, "or very near to it"? Is it not possible for a man to share the same viewpoint as a woman, as I did with Lynath? Does a man's viewpoint hold more weight? And so forth... I am very interested in the ramifications of all these questions. None of my posts have ever denigrated men in any way (and I find that am insulting implication), I have simply responded to the groundless assumptions I detected in the posts of some other bloggers.

I call it as I see it, and if I believe that there is gender-based discrimination occurring, I will say so - as is my right. This occurred when both Marcus and Troy revealed their flawed assumption that I was female, solely based on the fact that I had agreed with one of Lynath's posts. My ensuing (and only) response has been to point out the error of their logic, and to question why they had leapt to that conclusion without any evidence, and postulated what that might be revealing about their attitudes. SO HAS EVERYONE GOT THAT NOW?

So too, is it my right, to contribute to these blogs without a visible profile, according to the RSVP terms & conditions. What YOU do not have, oldergent, is the right to arbitrate on who deserves to have that privilege, whether it's based on you having seen their profile before, or for any other reason - thank goodness. Given that you have absolutely no knowledge of my reasons for not having a visible profile, or the history of my previous visibility status, I find it a bit rich that you would attempt to discriminate against me in this way. Or is it just because you are toeing the party line? i.e. That those who are in the gang or who have "permission" can hide their profiles, but anyone who disputes your mates' posts (or, heaven forbid, agrees with Lynath!) is derided as a "no show" and a "sniper".

So continue to exercise your right to ignore, oldergent, as you please. The blogs will certainly be none the poorer without your hypocritical pronouncements on why you choose to selectively condone the invisibility of some profiles but not others.

P.S. What you ought to be more selective about, oldergent, is the company you keep, lol.

Posted by: voltairen at April 28, 2008 4:21 PM

tradieforalady April 28, 2008 10:54 AM

Mate, if you are getting too many contacts from chicks, this blog is the place. A couple of good stoushes here with the girls and your numbers may well drop to a manageable level.
Mine have...
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at April 28, 2008 3:09 PM

OG

Thanks for your concern, After many visits to a doctor I firs had recommended to me here in SA, I finally had enough of his stuffing around, so I chose a different doctor, who recommended a CAT scan of my sinuses, and proving positive, it is no longer a mystery illness and correct treatment is proceeding.

Had I not made the change of doctor, I could be stuffing around with this bloke for ages more.

Posted by: virgil at April 28, 2008 12:04 PM

G'day Tradie,
Yeah I check the males too, your new one is a big improvement, glad it works for you. I keep looking at mine and think, if I change it that will not be me. Now I don't get many contacts, the few I do that find me not suitable I keep in touch with. But some are developing nicely, but all said that they were delighted with meeting someone with the absolutely honest profile and photo's. Warts and all. Funny thing is that some are much younger penfriends only, and are giving me a different outlook on the younger generation, and a million giggles on the way.
Your right, there is someone out there for everyone, though some may have to get a realistic perspective on their desire and not get their ambition mixed up with their self image.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at April 28, 2008 11:48 AM

Gee Virg.@8.48.
That was a long period, hope you get well soon. Depends on the genes for how long the clock ticks.
Nil desperandum, Virg, shotguns only work for those that can handle them, and TW is an old county boy.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at April 28, 2008 10:59 AM

hi there all...

i have been a member of this site for around 3 months now and started with a very vague profile with not much content and not getting anywhere with it... day after day, no kisses or emails...

now i just sat down one day and thought that if i was open and honest in what i said and didnt talk myself up and stated what i was looking for from this site, post a natural pic as my main one and some nice pics in the profile gallery...

now i looked at alot of male profiles in my area (for research purposes only) and basically saw the same regurgitated profile over and over again. i mean there is only so many times you can read that people enjoy snuggling on the couch with a dvd and enjoying a nice bottle of wine before it gets a bit much....
so from these profiles i noted everything that i would definitely NOT put in my profile and went to work on bettering my own...

now selling yourself to others isnt as easy as it looks and i was stumped for what to put at first but then i thought "just write the first thing that comes into your head" and i did....

i am happy with the end result of my profile because i think it is very different to all the others and have gotten many kisses and emails daily, even got myself a pretty permanent spot on the top 100 which i am quite proud of...

the key to success on a site like this is to be yourself and treat others as you would like to be treated...

there IS someone out there for everyone and i wish you all the best of luck...

have a nice day...

tradieforalady

Posted by: tradieforalady at April 28, 2008 10:54 AM

Hi jenniferhi,
According to my developers, they are still able to see the blockers on the top 100, however if you click on the profile it will show as an empty profile.
Cheers,
Karina

Posted by: rsvpproducttest3 at April 28, 2008 10:30 AM

Hi Redgem65 - ok - First make sure you have the latest version of Firefox - go to the Help menu and select Check for Updates.

Once you are up to date, go to the Tools menu and select Options.

Click on the Advanced tab and make sure the 'Check my spelling as I type' option is ticked.

That should do it.

Now you may need to download the Australian English dictionary for Firefox.

While in the Advanced tab, below the 'Check my spelling as I type' option you should see a Choose button under Languages to 'Choose your preferred language for displaying pages.'

Click that button and it should bring up a list of installed languages. If English/Australian is not there, click the 'Select a language to add' drop down menu, highlight English/Australian and click 'add', then once it is installed, move it up to the top of the Languages in order of preference list.

That should take care of it all.

Posted by: stoic at April 28, 2008 10:27 AM

Hey, auntykaz - what about instead of "you are a perfect example", we just get real and say "you are perfect"?? More appropriate, don't you think :)

Sorry won't be getting over to Melbourne in May, alas, so won't get to meet you this time, Bob - would have liked to. Hope you have lots of fun!

And Stoic, sorry about all the squiggles in the post in the other topic - at least you understand how that came about! I could hardly understand it, and I wrote the damn thing!

Posted by: malsie at April 28, 2008 10:17 AM

Stoic - If only I was a dozen years younger...! Could you help me? My son downloaded Mozilla and I can't get the spell checker to work. Automatically or manually. Manualy? lol.
Chris - I'm movin' to NSW hang in there babe! I'm a comin'! Just joking. No, you don't need to see a surgeon, I especially like your first pic, nothing like a man all spiffied up..
Retta.

Posted by: redgem65 at April 28, 2008 9:26 AM

Question - If someone is blocked can they see the blocker if that person is in the Top 100? I guess they can't see the profile if they try to open it, but I'm thinking they can see the profile name. Yes?

Posted by: jenniferhi at April 28, 2008 9:13 AM

TW

To meet 100 women without there being enough attraction to go further with one, seems to me, you enjoy the process more than I do.

The last kiss I sent out was about a month ago, my last face to face coffee was in February. (I have been a bit unwell over this period) I have been in regular email contact with the person of the kiss.

Your situation intriges me, the clock is ticking for all of us, with "time Gentlemen" being closer for some than others, well by life insurance guidelines anyway.

For me, after seeing half that number, I would have chosen someone, even if they didnt tick all the boxes. There might be potential there.

Posted by: virgil at April 28, 2008 8:48 AM

Don'tknowwhy08, if God is with the Tahs, how come they fall over in the last four games of each season?

Personally I think He is with whomever Matt Gittoes is playing for.

Posted by: guiltypleasure at April 28, 2008 6:55 AM

Dontknowhy08: I agree with them. To me, the first meeting is just a social event - a chance to enjoy chatting with someone, while you size each other up.

If you found yourself by chance sitting next to a hunk on a 2-hour flight, you'd chat with him while you had the chance, and maybe exchange phone numbers - but only if you decided you wanted to meet again.

But you wouldn't refuse to chat with another hunk on the flight back that evening, just because you were in between chatting with the first hunk, and waiting to see if he'd ever get round to using the phone number that you gave him.

Same with RSVP, I reckon. They say that on average, you'll have to meet 30-odd people, before you find one who'd do if you're pretty desperate or not at all choosey (same thing?) And meet over 70, before you can expect to find your perfect partner.

I'm extra-choosey/ optimistic, so I'm past first-date No 100, and still no-one where the attraction was mutual, AND big enough to pair us off permanently. So far.

That suggests getting on with it, without too much delay. I explained how I do that, in this blog on the 22nd at 12.39pm.

My method has been described as too pragmatic and not romantic enough. But in the long term, even it gets me only about one first-date a week.

And I'll say this about romantic: I'm dead against people (usually women) reading a screen profile and saying "Yesss! That's gotta be the one!"

- and then investing a shipload of daydreams into a romance with this person, starting with the moment they send the kiss.

Usually setting themselves up for a big disappointment, when they finally run a reality check on their dreams - usually an enforced one, when they first set eyes (or ears) on him.

If the first meeting is seen as just a chance to meet a new person and find out if you like spending time with them, enough to want to do it again, it makes the meeting potentially enjoyable rather than stressful.

I've had a lot of women find out on the day, that they wanted to spend 3 to 5 hours chatting with me at our first meeting - just because they were enjoying it so much - but then not wanting to continue our contact, because I was not what they were looking for as a romantic partner. Often because I'm not as rich as they are and want.

And vice versa - often because I found them totally uninteresting sexually.

When I get to about date 3 or 4 and things are starting to look promising, I stop sending my usual periodic batches of outwards kisses.

And once we'd got into the cot (after about date 7 at the earlist, for me - I'm a bit on the slow side) I'd immediately hide my profile.

But that's just me. What do others think?

Tell me tomorrow - bedtime now, even for me.. Enlivened by night tennis as ever, but I'm now starting to wilt. Seeyez.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 28, 2008 1:47 AM

Dontknowwhy - good photo as well:)

Chris - don't worry, I didn't feel under attack. I thought you brought up a good point.

Posted by: possum83a at April 28, 2008 12:58 AM

lailaj @ 9.09pm: Mwuh!

Sydney Bob @ 9.19pm: I don't know how to spell a very long, very appreciative kiss, so I had to make do with a short one above.

I hope she won't feel short-changed by my lack of attention to significant detail.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 27, 2008 11:56 PM

dontknowwhy

No doubt you will get much advice on concentrating on one at a time, from those who agree (like me) to many others who favour the scattergun approach.

Just do what feels right and comfortable to you, cause there are no rules.

great profile, by the way, just the one glaring mistake, the choice of Rugby over AFL Hmmm

Posted by: virgil at April 27, 2008 11:56 PM

Posted by: dontknowwhy08 at April 27, 2008 9:29 PM

Dontknowwhy: At least by you saying that you prefer one contact at a time, says you are no player. I commend you!
I have met too many guys that have got so fresh with me on the first date to just find out the next day they have been on the dating site trying to pick someone else up that is new.
So question is, what were they going to do with me while they were getting to know someone else? I think play up a bit too much, hey!
I would suggest for your own time management sake that you do keep open contact with others while dating someone though, if you haven't moved into anything too serious with your date too soon.
Usually people tend to know whether someone is worth investing in after three or so dates, and that could take up to at least two weeks of your time.
At least you will have the opportunity to be a few steps ahead with someone else if you have had some contact with them to turn over a new leaf if it doesn't look like your date is going to eventuate into anything meaningful.
But just don't let your date know too much and, especially don't do too much else with your other contacts if you get fresh with someone your already dating, or it could end up backfiring on you.
This is from a female perspective of how we would like a guy to be towards us if we really liked them.

Posted by: lonelyheart44 at April 27, 2008 11:39 PM

possum83a at April 27, 2008 7:54 PM
Yay!!!!
Punctuation is as important as syntax too.
Multiple exclamation marks are not part of written English and after statements are a turn off.
We've been through the spelling thing here before and arrived at a rough consensus that dyslexics, diagnosed or not, are to be given a bit of leeway.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at April 27, 2008 11:34 PM

Don'tknowwhy, come on now, God only comes out to play for the Wallabies :-)....K

Posted by: auntykaz at April 27, 2008 10:52 PM

Wishfulthinker
And just just what is wrong with someone being 500km south? :) :)

Posted by: jovial67 at April 27, 2008 10:30 PM

For you Jovial one...absolutely nothing, but even you must wish for a little less distance and a lot more time :)

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at April 27, 2008 10:50 PM

Hi Bob, No that's a german shepherd puppy, 10 weeks old at the time. This is the fifth I have owned so far in my lifetime and she now weighs around 38kg and is a fairly constant companion. I love the temperament of the GSD and can't really imagine life without one being part of my family. I also have a beautiful little burmese cat and a big black and white mog. All are beautiful. I think that all of us could learn a lot from the temperament of animals, they are so loving and loyal and accept you for who you are not what they can take from you. My dog is the best.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 27, 2008 10:48 PM

back2vegas ... thanks for your comment. I take on any advise anyone bothers to offer, so thanks. I hadn't actually thought on it from that angle and the issue of pressure is the last thing i would want any person Im emailing to feel ... actually I wouldn't continue emailing myself if that's how I knew they felt.

Posted by: dontknowwhy08 at April 27, 2008 10:48 PM

I would just like to add something about spelling, grammar and typo problems in profiles.
I myself have been guilty of not proofing my profile, and it was pointed out to me later that it had a few problems.
I did my best to fix most of it, but there is also a limit of case usage for each section. So in some places I still ended up with typos because it would not allow me to stretch the words into anything complete.
One more thing is, I had been on another dating site with the same profile, and the same mistakes, and it never was a problem with the guys contacting me. If my typos, grammar, and spelling problems had put anyone off, it would have been the other 300 or so that looked at my profile, and didn't contact me.
However, for the other 350 who either put me on their favourites or contacted me it was never an issue. Actually most of them were terrible with spelling etc.
In addition, when some of them found out what kind of work I did they began to worry about their ability to write, but I was able to reassure them that I am not perfect either and need to use a proof reader too. This comment created relaxed and fluent communication.
Out of all the guys I chose to meet, the few guys I actually liked the most, were the worst writers with grammar etc.
So it doesn't always count as a big issue for some.
There are plenty of other things that could be worse.

Posted by: lonelyheart44 at April 27, 2008 10:46 PM

dontknowwhy - I'm not one of the more experienced members on here but I hope you won't mind me commenting anyway. I wouldn't say you're being stupid by limiting your contacts to one person at a time, but personally I'd get a bit nervous if someone said they weren't contacting anyone else because they were chatting to me...puts a lot of pressure on me to measure up! And, as many people have said on here, it's a numbers game. Dating doesn't have to be something you only do with one person at a time...that's what relationships are for. You don't have to be dishonest about it - I don't think many people on here expect your exclusive attention before a relationship develops. And if they do...I would run as fast as you can.

Posted by: back2vegas at April 27, 2008 10:35 PM

Ahh yes auntykaz, there is only one sport and for all to know God play's for the Tahs (at least this season he is)!! I did type it first in Word as there were a few issues I wanted to cover and I had to get my spelling and grammar correct. I did not know why it happened, but I do now, thankyou.
And, I might be doing myself out of some dinners, but I'll have to think more on it.

Posted by: dontknowwhy08 at April 27, 2008 10:33 PM

Wishfulthinker
And just just what is wrong with someone being 500km south? :) :)

Posted by: jovial67 at April 27, 2008 10:30 PM

Not to get too technical, Word has its own background coding I suppose you can call it for special characters - dashes, quotation marks, apostrophes etc - and when you select text and copy it, all that coding comes with it and it doesn't always gel nicely with other programs - hence an apostrophe in word becomes squiggle and percent sign or whatever in a web browser.

Copy and pasting into a plain text editor like Notepad can help, but of course you don't get a spell check in Notepad and it isn't foolproof.

Best bet is to type straight into your browser to avoid the squiggles.

Posted by: stoic at April 27, 2008 10:30 PM

dontknowwhy, you had me with the first line of your sport preference...the game they play in heaven...love it, love it, love it.

Your post has got a lot of squiggles in it did you type it in Word or something?
Stoic, you may know what is wrong there...

Chris, plastic surgery not required :-)

Ynotalice, some good comments regarding checking out your own profile, sometimes we don't pick up our errors as we know what we have written.

Finally, l am an old fashioned type of girl, l like my dictionary if l have a problem with what l need to spell...............K

Posted by: auntykaz at April 27, 2008 10:15 PM

At least if you get someone sending a kiss, it then at least shows that they�ve read my profile.
Dontknowwhy08

Hehehe you think? Half of them that send kisses are way off your "wish list" requirements, be they 20 years too old, 20 years to young, smoke, don't smoke, married/attached and seeking friends or 500km south! I think a lot of people just see a good pic and hit the kiss button to see what happens :)

As for your comment about hiding your profile when on a date, how nice of you! So many don't go to that trouble. As for contacting one at a time, that too is a nice way to be, but if she/he isn't the one you just might be missing out on someone you've not responded to when you might have wanted to. However, still the best policy to do what you feel comfortable with. Refreshing attitude!!!

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at April 27, 2008 10:13 PM

Thank you dontknowwhy.............great profile and photo !

Best of luck out there.........:))

Posted by: jenjen57 at April 27, 2008 10:07 PM

Hi dontknowwhy,

I think you have a great profile! Can't comment on the photo but I think what you've written is good. Informative, but it still gives little things to ask you in emails (like what pets do you have or about your kids, etc). I don't think you have to change anything!

And thanks for the backup on the spelling;)

Posted by: possum83a at April 27, 2008 10:00 PM

Hi dontknowwhy,

I think you have a great profile! Can't comment on the photo but I think what you've written is good. Informative, but it still gives little things to ask you in emails (like what pets do you have or about your kids, etc). I don't think you have to change anything!

Posted by: possum83a at April 27, 2008 9:58 PM

Chris, your grammar is pretty good for one who was "missed" during high school! Not sure why you'd need plastic surgery either - oh well....I'm sure your extra effort in checking your spelling will be appreciated by readers! Hang in there!

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at April 27, 2008 9:57 PM

Hey Possum,

I too am put off by poor spelling and grammar in a profile, but I think Bob had it right. It's probably an indication that the person isn't very literate, so if that's an important quality for you, wouldn't you rather know up front that someone doesn't meet your standards? It might improve their response rate, but you'd be disappointed if you contacted someone with a well-written profile only to find that their emails didn't measure up. So if they don't write well or don't care enough to check their work...I reckon let them keep searching for someone who doesn't mind!

Bob @ 6.55pm - I would always send some kind of response - I could try sending the 'bugger off' one to you and let you know if it feels any good. I suspect not though! Update your profile to reflect your true chain-smoking, slovenly ways and it might be easier. :-)

Posted by: back2vegas at April 27, 2008 9:52 PM

"Not everyone has had the advantage of a great eduction.
I know my grammar is not the best and I make an extra effort to check for typos in spelling.

When I was in High School I was basically ignored by my teachers so I never learned how to use grammar correctly and still have trouble to this day."

Well then you already get a tick in my books if you make that extra effort. I must say there are few people in Australia who do have great grammar skills, simply because it isn't really taught in schools. As for the typing skills, I'm a 3 fingered typer. And a fast one. A very, very bad one! I can make 10 typos in a 3 word sentence! haha, but I know that so I proof read before posting anything (but might still miss things).

Anyway my original point wasn't whether someone has good written skills, or even typing skills, it's the effort you make.

Posted by: possum83a at April 27, 2008 9:47 PM

Possum83a
I hope you don't think I was attacking you.

I just wanted to point out some of us didn't have the education we all deserve.

Chris

Posted by: chris261 at April 27, 2008 9:44 PM

dontknowwhy08 - do not take your profile down when you go on a date and do not limit yourself to one kiss/email at a time.

You are not in a relationship with them and you owe them nothing of the sort - and I can promise you they will not be thinking they owe you anything of the sort either.

You will chat/email with one, turn away who knows how many others, only to have it go nowhere (or worse just have them stop responding) and you end up missing out other possibilities.

Once you have a few dates with someone, then you can start making a serious assessment as to whether it is going to go somewhere and remove your profile if that is what you decide.

Posted by: stoic at April 27, 2008 9:42 PM

Blueeyedgirl- Just looked at your profile and it looks terrific! All the best and I hope you get some execellent smooches.
Cheers R.

Posted by: redgem65 at April 27, 2008 9:40 PM

Sorry to all, once my comments before have loaded Ive seen some of the characters have been lost ... its not my spelling!!!

Posted by: dontknowwhy08 at April 27, 2008 9:37 PM

And no - I don't work for the Mozilla Foundation nor am I a shareholder and I am not affiliated with them in any manner.

Firefox is just a far superior browser.

And it has an automatic spell check function :)

Posted by: stoic at April 27, 2008 9:31 PM

Hi fellow bloggers,
Well, this is the first blog for me. This is all very new. It�s been interesting to read your comments so I thought only fair to add further from a newbie�s point of view.

... Firstly, I wanted to say that I have my photo under password protection for very good reason, and I�ve still received my fair share of kisses, where interestingly I received nil when I had it �visible�, so if there is a better response rate with having one visible it didn�t work in my case. I don�t think that had anything to do with my photo as such, as those that have requested it have kept contact and I�ve met up with some, beit for a short time anyway! I don�t know whether there is any direct link, but Im now happy to leave it that way. At least if you get someone sending a kiss, it then at least shows that they�ve read my profile.

... Secondly, I believe in replying each and every time someone sends you a kiss as it is only polite, even to say that you �have responded to someone�. That�s pretty broad in meaning.

... Thirdly, the other thing I believe in doing, is keeping to generally one contact at a time.
Can I ask of our more experienced members am I being stupid by doing this? It�s the same with hiding my profile when Im going out on a date, which I have done. I personally don�t like to be going on a �date� or out to meet up and have others whom I am having contact not knowing. It�s not something that I would tell others, so that�s why I feel keep contacts to one at a time.

... Fourthly, ditto to �possum83a� as I think spelling and grammar is soooooo important (although Im sure someone will pick me up over something I�ve said here). I can�t handle reading profiles that I can make no sense of. Bob, I don�t think all nice/cute guys are illiterate, I just think they are lazy!

Anyway, if anyone could bother, please have a look at my profile and offer any advise. Ill give out my password to anyone who kisses (female only). It at least it gets my stats up!!

PS. notgodsgift, you have the best rsvp name, if you ever want to swap �

PSS. Im always checking out profiles as it�s good to put a face to a name after reading your blog!! Cheers.

Posted by: dontknowwhy08 at April 27, 2008 9:29 PM

To help with the spell checking aspect - download Mozilla Firefox and use that for your internet browsing instead of that turd of a browser Internet Explorer.

It is faster and more secure than IE, it is free to download, and most relevant to this post, it has an inbuilt spell check function which checks your spelling as you type into fields like this comment thread.

And yes, it has all the regional spellings as well (ie US English, Australian English, UK English, Canadian English et al)

Posted by: stoic at April 27, 2008 9:26 PM

Hi Ianinperth,

Absolutely true I myself am a one fingered typist...not smart enough to learn how to use anything other than my index right; but pretty quick with it!!

Is that a Keeshond puppy you are holding?

Hi Laila,

Being fair though....are we surprised that Timewarps posts take hours to compose...after all, hes not a man that is likely to be caught short for words!!

Hi Kaz,

It works for me though; so thats really all that matters...to me!!

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at April 27, 2008 9:19 PM

Hi Possum,
Not everyone has had the advantage of a great eduction.
I know my grammar is not the best and I make an extra effort to check for typos in spelling.

When I was in High School I was basically ignored by my teachers so I never learned how to use grammar correctly and still have trouble to this day.

I'm starting to think plastic surgery will only up my chances.

Chris

Posted by: chris261 at April 27, 2008 9:15 PM

Hi - There are a few simple things that can make putting a legible profile together a little easier.

The obvious one is to spell check on your software (that is if you cut and paste, then copy to this site).

Read it out aloud.

If this doesn't help, because you do the normal thing and subconciously fill in the grammatic blanks or errors (you know what should be there), then print a copy and ask someone you trust to proof it for you.

Even after these, and any others, go back and read your profile every once in a while. Be prepared to find something that you've overlooked. As so many have said your profile is your initial selling point so take the time to get the little things right.

Posted by: ynotalice at April 27, 2008 9:11 PM

A lot of the older guys have never learned to type and find it very difficult on the computer. It doesn't necessarily mean they are not nice people.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 27, 2008 8:45 PM

That's right, iaminperth, TW says he can'ttype and take hours to compose his posts.

Posted by: lailaj at April 27, 2008 9:09 PM

Blueeyedgirl, l hadn't seen your profile before you changed it but it looks fine to me.

Having a gander at other profiles can be a good way of checking things out, and l am sure you will be like the rest of us and change it from time to time, updating and deleting things as they come and go.

Mine has on it that l am reading Underbelly, and l usually am a very fast reader, but this one is a nice slow read....So when l have finished it off it goes....Mind you l have seen the entire series, as has probably most of Victoria, where it is actually been banned :-)

I can understand about not wanting a picture, it took me ages to put one up.
You will do it in your own time.....So until next time........................K

Posted by: auntykaz at April 27, 2008 9:06 PM

Hi Laila,

Sadly people that are screwed up.....similar to those that are evil; dont see themselves that way. I was thinking in the realms of limiting the choices so that if you dont fit married or single, you might just be screwed up...at least it works in theory (for me anyway)!!!

Possum,

Dont get me wrong...not making a judgement call on you being critical or judemental...far from it...just making an observation that you might have missed. Then again, does spelling really matter if the person cannot even construct a sentence? I personally dont care whether the person can spell....their ability with the written English language isn't an indication of the character of the person...plenty of educated people on the blogs here with whom you wouldn't be caught dead!!!

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at April 27, 2008 9:01 PM

Yes Stoic

I'm sure there are more important things for the government to think about than these issues, as you rightly say, they are of little importance.

Posted by: virgil at April 27, 2008 8:52 PM

Surely the profile is there to give an indication of the person and his/hers likes and dislikes. I don't see how all preferences can be covered and surely that is why you exchange e-mails firstly to find out more and then, the telephone calls, and then if all works out well the meeting. I have had a few responses from people who state on their profile they don't like pets and I would think from my picture and profile it's pretty obviously I do. One particularly nice person I met simply had clicked the wrong button and didn't realise he had say that. I think we should all lighten up and stop judging people so much, after all everyone makes mistakes or makes a typo now and then. A lot of the older guys have never learned to type and find it very difficult on the computer. It doesn't necessarily mean they are not nice people.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 27, 2008 8:45 PM

Awww, Bob, thank you, l don't think anyone has called me a perfect example of anything before !!!

You get my drift though, which is good, as l wasn't sure if l explained it right.

I must say Bob, those with "screwed up" as an option would probably never admit to it anyway.....
Valid option or not, that would surely give the game away, and therefore their deceptive intent would be there for all to see............
Then they wouldn't be able to have their "fun", for want of a better word.

Oh well Bob, back to the drawing board, mate..................K

Posted by: auntykaz at April 27, 2008 8:42 PM

Hi Bob,

I've only been looking around these blogs for a few minutes and have already realised it's quite easy to be attacked! Thanks for the heads up though;)

So to be safe maybe I should clarify more: Spelling is something that not only I look at but also the vast majority of my friends. It does say a lot about a person's personality. I do try to give everyone a chance and realise there are people who just don't like to use capitals or are dyslexic - that's fine. I can generally differentiate between dyslexia and lack of care. But in my eyes not bothering to use correct spelling in a profile - a first point of contact - is equivalent to rocking up to a date in dirty jeans and thongs and a wife beater top (which, mind you, would be perfectly appropriate if the date involved a live gig... but maybe not a coffee or drink at the pub, but that's not the point;)).

So I'm not trying to criticise or judge anyone, just trying to be helpful! Re-read your profiles! And if you're not a great speller, use spell-check. It will up your chances, I can guarantee that!

Posted by: possum83a at April 27, 2008 8:38 PM

Bob,
Do people actually know if they are screwed up?...just a thought...I might change my profile after today's wise thoughts to: am single, at least I think I am...forget those four divorces, and maybe I want to get married and maybe I am screwed up...why don't we meet and you can let me know:))

Posted by: lailaj at April 27, 2008 8:35 PM

blueeyedgirl72 - liked your updated profile, more positive tone and the hitchhikers ref was a nice piece of subtle humour

Posted by: ynotalice at April 27, 2008 8:26 PM

Kaz...........I hadn't given any thought to the separated/divorced/single dilemna before !!

Like you I am separated, have been so for nearly 3 years, am in the process of sorting out the financial issues, haven't seen my ex husband for 2 years, have no intention of ever reviving my relationship with him.......I see myself as single although I have separated on my profile, and now I am just hoping there are not too many blokes out there that write you off if you display that status !!

Posted by: jenjen57 at April 27, 2008 8:18 PM

Hi Possum,

Welcome aboard, but be aware that this is not always a nice place to air an opinion (who'd think a dating site could be so nasty at times?).

Just one point on you comment about spelling, grammar and punctuation....has it occurred to you that the nice/cute guys are actually illiterate?

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at April 27, 2008 8:09 PM

Hi Kaz,

You are a perfect example of this whole debate....someone who has finished with the whole previous relationship and sees themselves as single, without intent to deceive.

Maybe the descriptions should be limited to "married, single or screwed-up".....that way the "srewed-up" have a valid option to nominate and no excuses for deceit

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at April 27, 2008 8:03 PM

Yay, I didn't realise there was a forum. I was just looking through guys' profiles thinking "if only I could tell them where they're going wrong!". There were so many guys who sounded great but either had off-putting photos, put no effort into their profiles, or did my biggest pet peeve...

If I can give one piece of advice only:

SPELL PEOPLE!!!! Use grammar! Check your profile for typos!!!!!!!

I will not waste my time with someone who won't even spend 30 seconds checking their profile for mistakes. In my mind, bad spelling or grammar can be explained by one of two things only:
a) lack of intelligence and/or schooling
b) lack of effort
Either way it makes for an instant "no" from me.

So please, please spell properly! Most of my friends get put-off by bad spelling as well - it's not just me! I don't mean to sound negative but I just hate to see nice/cute guys' profiles going to waste because of such a small (but important) thing.

Posted by: possum83a at April 27, 2008 7:54 PM

Much appreciate the feedback... Please check out my updated profile, still not ready to post my picture, just a big chicken without the feathers!! Hope this clarified a few things for some of you.

Posted by: blueeyedgirl72 at April 27, 2008 7:51 PM

Blueyedgirl72.........all I can suggest is that you put your photo up there to start with.........apparently profiles with a visible photo get a better response rate...........but what would I know..........I have been here for months............:)

Posted by: jenjen57 at April 27, 2008 7:37 PM

This is something that l have not thought much about....l have "single" on my profile as this is how l see myself.....

Legally l am separated, have done the financial settlement, and have absolutely no intention of ever getting back with my former husband. The divorce is the last remaining thing to be done, which he is doing.

So am l deceiving anyone with having single on my profile??

I guess it is all perspective based........K

Posted by: auntykaz at April 27, 2008 7:34 PM

hi blueeyedgirl72
dont look at every contact as a potential date, more as a friend first and see what comes later, good luck boss

Posted by: bossanova2008 at April 27, 2008 7:31 PM

After reading the comments about divorced or separated vs single, I asked my 18 yo what she considered my status to be... she said "Single!!! FFS Mum, you and Dad split up when I was a baby and you got divorced when I was in primary school (1995). If that doesn't make you single, I don't know what does". I think she's right and I agree with Virgil that an arbitrary statute of limitations could apply, though not necessarily legislated. Could we be considered "single" again after five, seven or maybe ten years???

On topic, my advice would be to not place too much store in a profile photo. After having met a few blokes for dinner etc and over 40 men and women at various Blog Meets, my experience has been that most are far better in the flesh, both in looks and overall appeal. Sure, we're all visual beings to some degree, but I now have friends that I would never have chosen to meet by their profile pics alone!!

Posted by: victoriadownunder at April 27, 2008 7:31 PM

Blueeyedgirl72- Could i just make a few suggestions, to help you out? When I first read your headline, I was confused, you mentioned single and new to dating, thus I had visions of a virgian. I was puzzled then read on
to discover you have two children but you didn't state their age. It would be good if a guy knew if they are littlies or not.
I don't know what other caucasion is and without a pic, it is again puzzling.
I'm a big girl too tho I state I am average, this is because I have lost 32 kilos and am almost there now. I have also found that there are a number of men out there who are attracted to bigger girls, so be shy, put your pic up and state your size.
Your a star wars fan? Are you avid, do you collect memorabillia? May need to state further.
And lastly you are interested in trying some kind of sport, this is a major plus in a man's book! Try and add in a for example...... This will help heaps.
Otherwise you sound great, I hope you start getting kisses all over the place!
R.

Posted by: redgem65 at April 27, 2008 7:26 PM

hi blueeyedgirl72 checked your profile my main comment would be to drop the negativity about yourself and put in your profile what your body type is, there are others here that most probably can help you with the other details, i am still learning about how people interperate profiles. there are a fair few ruthless types on here, but also some genuine people it just a matter of being careful and not take anything negative as personel good luck boss

Posted by: bossanova2008 at April 27, 2008 7:22 PM

blueeyedgirl72.
Don't be hard on yourself.
At least you have been honest. I have learnt that life is not worth glossing over when it comes to what you think.
Chris

Posted by: chris261 at April 27, 2008 7:18 PM

Hi Back2Vegas,

I will send tyou a "Kiss".....send me back one of the "bugger off" messages and tell me how it feels....you might just get to enjoy doing it!!! I have no problem with your attitude in not responding....its your time and your choice, so dont let anyone else brow beat you (though get the impression that wont happen anyway).

Hi Virgil,

My reasons for being "single" have nothing to do with RSVP or reponses; its what I am in all facets in my life. I do agree though that there needs to be something else if "separated" is to be truthfully used in its legal context (ie Separated for x years). Then again, I think that there should be another ID under "Relationship Sought" that says "Marriage" if that is what you want, or would consider.

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at April 27, 2008 6:55 PM

Virgil, you don't think there is more important things for the government to worry about than piddly shit like time limits on arbitrary phrases like "separated" and "divorced"?

Posted by: stoic at April 27, 2008 6:45 PM

Must apologize to all, just reread my blog posting, do I sound like one cranky old hag!! Just disappointed, I was encouraged to try RSVP as I have literally never dated before...and may not anytime soon. Ah well this is just one more new experience to chalk up. thanks.. would actually appreciate feedback on my profile...did I do it OK?

Posted by: blueeyedgirl72 at April 27, 2008 6:33 PM

I have hidden my profile as the first week i spent responding to people that didn't even fit my profile so i hid it. Now i can't even get someone to respond to a kiss that i send cause we have a lot in common.These people must be looking for a model and other than to put my measurements on my profile i am not happy with this site at all, they lie about how much they drink they all think the beach and fishing is the only thing you can do( they all must know each other cause thats alot of people out fishing) and there not interested if you live more than walking distance from where they live, as for baggage get over your selves cause you to have baggage you just need to look deeper inside and you will find it.

Posted by: deedotharry at April 27, 2008 6:31 PM

Notgodsgift

A very good example, exactly what TW was talking about, if you described yourself as separated, you would limit your responses to about 20% probably even less than you are getting now.

That your married life finished 18 years ago, even though only separated, is a clear indication of permanancy even TW would agree.

I think it all comes down to intent. Clearly you see yourself as single, and rightly so. You have no intent to deceive a prospective partner single is simply the way you see yourself.

I think there should be a statutory time limit on the terms "separated" and "divorced" but there never will be, as there is no advantage to any politician.

Posted by: virgil at April 27, 2008 5:37 PM

hi all, as a newbie on this site just had to share my experiences so far... in a nutshell, failure. Woe is me, my photo is password protected but I have happily shared it when requested, have also noted on my profile that I am no supermodel but a real woman...surprise surprise..do they think I'm lying? Obviously, because as soon as they see me..."they have recently responded to someone else" or "your profile does not match" or no further reply at all. I wish they at least had the guts to acknowledge that a fat chick wasn't what they were looking for. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there when you are less than stellar looking, and of course they all looked like George Clooney. This could just be me though...and to be honest if they are that shallow, maybe they aren't right for me either. I have stamps and no one to share them with...

Posted by: blueeyedgirl72 at April 27, 2008 5:05 PM

Thanks everyone for the warm welcomes! I guess it was safe to stop lurking and start talking... :-)

Malsie @ 1.46pm: I will try at some point to check out those archives...must allow a little time for living in the real world though, I can see this gets a bit addictive! Meanwhile I hear you about the 'baggage' - it comes in so many shapes and sizes and most people have it in some form. I guess some people say they don't want you to have baggage because they want to ensure that you are genuinely ready for a serious relationship, ie completely over your ex, or not still caught up in anything messy and unresolved that's going to stand in the way. I can understand that, but I agree that putting it on your profile in that way is a bit negative and dismissive of people's life experience.

And ha ha Bob, I just checked out your profile and unless you've lied all over it and someone else wrote it for you (and they do your blog entries too)...you don't fit that description at all! Apart from the +48 bit, of course. And the point is, you obviously know what you want and wouldn't solicit attention from feisty 31-year-olds who live a 10-hour drive up the road - so I'd never have to send you that awful 'profile does not match' response. :-)

Posted by: back2vegas at April 27, 2008 4:26 PM

Hi Back2Vegas,

Hey, whats wrong with us +48 yo overweight, illiterate, chain-smoking, irresponsible old farts (apart from that, we are no bad blokes really)....no soft option used there....you are getting good at this already!!!!

To be honest, I have had contacts made to me that resulted in emails...then nothing. I didn't really give it much thought as to why they decided to break off that contact....their money spent to initiate the contact and if they dont want to chat anymore, thats also their perogative, to me anyway.

I have stated before that I dont know what I want, but do know what I dont want. The whole thing is a package...certain things you will like and others you wont like so much....its a balancing act. When you meet someone where you just "click", all the negatives aren't so negative anymore, and the positives are far more positive. Problem is, you never know who that person is until you meet them...the big drawback on RSVP because the meetings are contrived.

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at April 27, 2008 3:30 PM

Hi All,

I agree with Firelightlady on this definition of "single". I myself describe me as single, but officially I am only separated, because I have never actually gone through the formality of divorce.

Now before all the howling starts about deceptive conduct occurs, let me tell you why I am "single" on RSVP.

To me, the term "separated" reflects a recent occurence in your life. I separated from my wife when I was 34....I am now 52, hardly a recent occurence. I last laid eyes on my ex 10 years ago...hardly carrying a candle for her or hoping for some sort of reconciliation. I am not looking to get married again, nor do I pretend that I am interested in being in that institution again (I can think of many other institutions that have far more appeal to me than that....all involve electric shock treatment on my gonads)!!!!

People who are "separated" recently can have all sorts of issues going on within; hence why would I want to put myself out as in that dynamic....lets talk REAL common sense shall we???

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at April 27, 2008 2:33 PM

welcome back2vegas all comments welcome stir the pot all u like confusious once said the central purpose of education is to stimulate the ability to think, and rsvp is part of lifes education, never stop learning i say. Decoratress yes eye contact tells you alot about a person and i agree about the far away shots they really do not show anything
Timewarp it ok mate

Posted by: bossanova2008 at April 27, 2008 1:55 PM

back2vegas - welcome to the fold! There aren't actually any "rules" here other than the rsvp ones - I see no reason to not be as controversial as you like (not that I think your post was - all made very good sense). A few of us have problems when people start getting personally insulting rather than just debating subjects, but others must clearly thrive on it as it continually happens that way....
If you look back in the archives there are heaps of posts already on the subjects you raised (especially about things that put people off in profiles) - not that it can't be discussed again, of course...

One of my pet hates in profiles is negativity: things about how badly done-by someone has been, how much they've been hurt, that they don't want anyone without -that awful term - "baggage" (as if they've discovered the secret of eternal internal serenity and unless you have too, forget it - as if!) Obviously people would rather attract a more balanced person who is not angst ridden with old issues, but everyone has "stuff" they're working on. It's not realistic to assume otherwise, I think.

Posted by: malsie at April 27, 2008 1:46 PM

back2vegas @ 1.20pm: Welcome to someone new with heaps of good thoughts to share. Please keep it coming.

And yes, of course Separated is worth its own box - AFTER Single is replaced with Never married, so they can't hide their true status there.

That's the basis of all that I've been working around to today. Cheers.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 27, 2008 1:46 PM

boss @ 1.04pm: I'm with you.

Sunglasses = cool = inscrutible = mysterious = hiding your true self, probably either because you're insecure, or have something to hide.

Several different reasons, all a turn-off for other people who are hoping for an honest sharing committed equal relationship.

Caveat emptor!

Take them off before you kiss people, because they mist up and transmit even less information.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 27, 2008 1:33 PM

hi, timewarp - I was only talking about the childless situation, not being single! I have a grown up child but have always been single...
Profile wise I have no problems with any descriptions of people's "marital" situation other than those who specify "attached" if it's clear they're looking for an affair.

Posted by: malsie at April 27, 2008 1:27 PM

Boss @ 1.04pm: Sorry mate. Hadn't peeped at your profile, to check out all your vital statistics.

Another example where bm1960's recent suggestion to classify yourself at the end of each post would have helped. So I will now, before I finally head off at last. Seeyez.

M-72-Div-Bris

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 27, 2008 1:21 PM

Well, I've been 'lurking' around this blog for a couple of days now...and couldn't handle being a pariah any more. So I thought I'd better add my two cents worth as someone who is new to the RSVP experience...

Re the kiss replies - there are only three ways to respond negatively to a kiss if you have normal membership: 'recently responded to someone else'; 'your profile doesn't match'; and just plain old 'flattered but does not wish to correspond further'. I use the second option when it's true - if I say I'm looking for a 30-something, smart, fit, non-smoking, childless Brisbane male and a 48-year-old, illiterate, overweight, chain-smoking father of three from Wagga sends a kiss, 'your profile does not match' seems like a reasonable response. But if for some other reason I'm not interested, I confess to having used 'recently responded to someone else' because there is no other 'soft' option - at least it gives a reason, whereas the only other choice seems a bit blunt. Lesson learned from this blog though - I will stick to the blunt one for the sake of honesty in future.

In a few recent cases I have been kissed and responded positively, either with a kiss or an email, and then after corresponding briefly or not at all, they've disappeared, never to be heard from again. Strange to me that you would initiate contact, follow up, then give up. I have very clear photos on my profile and I think it's a pretty accurate reflection of me, so they can't be running scared so soon at having discovered something they didn't know. If you change your mind, for any reason, how hard is it to show the courtesy of saying so? Especially if you initiated the contact!

I would be interested to hear what things people find off-putting in a profile? There was talk of smoking earlier in this blog. I have discovered I don't like it when someone puts no criteria in their ideal partner profile and then says 'I don't know what my ideal partner is like because I haven't met her yet.' It sets off alarm bells for me that someone in my age bracket has no idea what they want in a partner. Are they just hedging their bets? It smacks of desperation to me...

Uh-oh, I think I just broke the newbie rule of avoiding controversy for a while. Well, while I'm at it - I'm not sure how the married and de facto people would feel about being put in the same box as the separated, timewarp1. I see your point that separated is different to divorced, but it's still an indication of a failed relationship, which I hope the former two are not! Let's just give separated it's own special box, hey? :-)

Posted by: back2vegas at April 27, 2008 1:20 PM

boss @ 1.04pm...

Good topic!

'the eyes are the window to the soul'

..we've all heard that saying, & it has a lot of truth in it. Eye contact, even through a photograph, is pretty vital to reading a person's face..

But having said that.. I guess it's no different to profile pics which are too distant or too blurred to see the eyes anyway.

Neither attract me..

Go the Eyes! (sorry, Pies followers...)

Posted by: decoratress at April 27, 2008 1:18 PM

Hi timewarp for the record i am a male. a topic i would like comment on is people who put their pics up with sunglasses on,cheers for now boss

Posted by: bossanova2008 at April 27, 2008 1:04 PM

Iaminperth @ 11.37am: Have some self-respect, girl!

Tell Mr Svengali that you were embarrassed about having to make that comment. Totally out of character. He should have got one of his naughty male puppets to hurl that dig, instead of embarrassing a lady puppet who's topped the over-48 female top 100, Australia-wide, and has her reputation to consider.

3 out of 10 for credibility that time, Mr S.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 27, 2008 12:35 PM

bossanova2008 at 11:46am: Some people who are 20 miles further to the right than I am about marital responsibilities, would thunder:

"That was the Lord reminding you that you're still divorced, woman! It's one part of who you'll always be!"

And then I'd add:
"And it proves that you have the right to go and do it all over again. Even the dreaded 'M' word! Go girl! "

Actually it's I who"s gotta go. Seeyez.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 27, 2008 12:18 PM

iaminperth- never assume anything in a name obviously your mind is down one track I see amdoingit as totally different get your mind out of the gutter or above your navel.

Posted by: saphires4me at April 27, 2008 11:58 AM

wishfulthinker03 at 9:42am: "Sometimes I think the divorced ones are still just as attached as the married/attached or separated ones."

Bullseye, ma'am. Probably applies much more to men than women, though.

Statistics I've collected suggest that mature-aged Brisbane women who were prepared to meet me had, after the end of their last significant relationship, usually spent 5 to 7 years grieving (= burying most of their baggage) then living uncoupled, before they felt the need to look for their next romantic partner, enough to do something about it.

That's if they'd previuosly been divorced. If widowed, often only 2 to 4 years. Maybe less anti-man baggage to bury, so it didn't take as long?

And I haven't got figures on separated women - very few have snuck in through my unusually-fine antique "morality" filter.

What really interested me was that they reported that the other men they'd been in contact with, had 'claimed' to be out of their last ralationship only from 3 to 18 months.

We could make guesses about the reasons for the men's extra urgency, from wanting someone to cook and launder for them again, past missing being in the cot, and on to being naturally more needy of anchor points for their identity, whether it's being associated with a job, a football team or a woman.

Yes wishful, I'd guess a lot of those men had completely bypassed the step of getting rid of their baggage.

It seemed to take me a bit over 2 years, and I'm sure there's a green emviro supermarket bag of it still stashed somewhere, after 15 years. But then I'm a very dedicated lover. My major life's work.

Wait a bit - we've been talking about emotional attachment. Legal attachment is what worries me, but I won't rabbit on any more about that rabbit trap, hidden under the sands of time.

You also posted: "Maybe the space should be left blank so we can fill in what we like...."

Most modern marketing organisations like to gather very detailed statistics about their customer base, to help them market to existing and potential customers.

If they had more customers with my moral and legal sensibilities, they'd force the choice between
*never married,
*married, de facto or separated,
*divorced or
*widowed,

But that would upset all the married, de facto and separated people of both sexes, who want open slather access to get at the opposite gender.

And then leave it to Caveat emptor (Buyer beware!) to protect the naive and heart-breakable from their depredations.

Gets down off soapbox and heads for laundromat. Seeyez all.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 27, 2008 11:47 AM

Hi all good to see the discussion on status going strongly, well here is a laugh i was divorced in 1995, (yes paperwork all done) in 2001 my house was burntdown and very little was salvaged, whilst picking through the burntout mess to try and salvage anything came across some papers which survived due to being packed tightly away and the first thing i found that could be read was the official decree of my divorce. So after reading the discussions going on methinks with the time that has passed i should be going under the status of single, hmmm well cheers boss

Posted by: bossanova2008 at April 27, 2008 11:46 AM

I have been lucky enough to meet a couple of very nice men through rsvp. In response to several comments about status, I would like to add that it is extremely important to be totally honest about your real 'status' when meeting someone. One very likable guy told me that he was divorced with 3 children. After a couple of weeks of dinners drinks after work and long romantic calls, he let it slip that he had been divorced 3 times, and had children to each of his wives. He tried to explain it away by saying that divorced was divorced and it didn't matter how any times he had been married or divorced. That was not including the relationships between marriages. His belief was that once I got to know him, it wouldn't matter. I believe that it does matter. Being deceiptful from the onset only sets the pace for the future of your relationship. I don't particularly like being a contender for wife number 4 in what appears to be a very long list of short lived relationships.

Posted by: waterlily58 at April 27, 2008 11:44 AM

Hi amdoingit, I thought you were out there doing 'it' and having fun too. I thought that sounds like a happy lady! and very open and honest as well, lol.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 27, 2008 11:37 AM

With regard to potential partners with or without children from previous relationships I can go either way on this one.
I have found men without children are often great with mine. The difference is that I don't expect them (or any other partner) to be a replacement father. So there is an understanding up front that these are my friends and not usurping their dad with whom they have a good relationship.

I am lucky to have a lot of male friends, and so boyfriends can either join the mix or not, and there doesn't tend to be any hassle. I am not sure my last boyfriend really wanted to stand in for me at my daughter's music recital when I got delayed in Sydney, but he did and he still occasionally joins us for a BBQ. (thanks Andy!)
I wouldn't say I have ever found one that was selfish, but then I haven't dated every guy I met for coffee either, they get filtered out in conversation.

Posted by: firelightlady at April 27, 2008 11:20 AM

We have a fairly good system for deciding who sends the email, that is of course the person who sends the original kiss.

That system works, up to the point where the person receiving the kiss, thinks, hey, if I dont respond with the email, and ask the kisser to send it, they might not send it.

So, I guess the receiver of the kiss then sends the email.

I was going to put this as a question, but the act of writing it down has clarified it in my mind.

Posted by: virgil at April 27, 2008 11:19 AM

Laila..re the moniker.. I wish !!! Came about while trying to find a name. Everything I came up with was taken.. Frustration aplenty between friend and self whilst setting up profile. Made a comment like "ok I'm doing it" and that's how it came about. Thought nought of it at the time but has drawn a few comments of late so time for a change methinks... Back to the name dilema!! ."G".

Posted by: amdoingit at April 27, 2008 11:10 AM

TW

I can see your point, and agree with it to a certain extent.

This might sound silly, but I tend to describe myself, as I think of myself.

For 23 years, I was married, 2 years later, in 1998 I got divorced. I suppose for a few years, and several relationships, I thought of myself as a divorced person.

By 5 years after my divorce, the marriage was no longer current reality, and to me, to use the term divorced, returns me to a failed relationship, of many years ago. There were many other relationships that were closer to this present time.

It seems to me, to call myself divorced, anchors me to a point in time that no longer exists.

Marriage is a positive word, denoting current reality, 2 individuals legally bound together.
Divorced is not to me a current state, to me it denotes a dissolved marriage, where the property settlements and child custody arrangements are concluded.

I suppose that is it, I do not see divorced as a state, it is a process, and once concluded, the participants of the marriage return to their original, single state.

Maybe for some, the term divorced could remain active, until the youngest child reaches the age of majority?

For me, I see the disoolusion of my marriage as having been completed 10 years ago, my youngest child is over 18 and I live in a different city to my ex-wife.

I see myself as single. So on here, as in every where else I go, I describe myself as single.

Posted by: virgil at April 27, 2008 11:02 AM

TW1 - I certainly 'get that' which is why I don't include separated on my partner list, often there is an ocean liner's hold full of baggage there. Also some separated people don't draw the line between being separated legally and being theoretically separated in the same house by marital differences and any number of reasons not to get a divorce and therefore a life.

As for the ambiguous stalking horse of 'single' (well it is a jungle out there after all) - have a conversation, ask the questions, enjoy meeting someone new.

In the words of Louis 'A kiss is just a kiss' and the fundamental things (truth, honesty, sex, laughter?) apply as time goes by, not what happened for whatever reason 10-40 years ago.

Someone separated for 40 years without a divorce must surely have some memory issues... forgot to get a lawyer??!

Posted by: firelightlady at April 27, 2008 11:00 AM

I'm watching you amdoingit, thats right I am here watching but not saying much!!! but I am keeping and eye on how your comments are going!!!

Posted by: saphires4me at April 27, 2008 10:56 AM

Valid and point taken Bill.. .Now I best get back to work before Saphires gives me another friendly rap over the knucckles.. I see you're here this morning too girl.. Easy isn't it?? Well, sometimes anyway!!.."G"

Posted by: amdoingit at April 27, 2008 10:45 AM

Sorry, Amdoingit...think you used to be able to do it but now can't....that is not a play of words on your moniker:))

Just don't look in your outbox and you will soon forget who you sent them to...all those wastrels and cads. I firmly believe that no reply is the equal of no thanks anyways...but as I said I do reply.

Posted by: lailaj at April 27, 2008 10:41 AM

I for one like the 'married, single, divorced, seperated' bit. After having gone through 3 divorces with 3 'seperated' partners, in the past, I supported them and helped with the forms etc, while they copped abuse etc from their ex wives. Telling them to "hang in there" etc. only to have them up and leave me once it was all over! So thats it, no more seperated men for me! Now, I scan their profiles for seperated and if I spot it, i click the back button with a sigh.
To me single means never married, and thats me. That gives me an inkling of their psyche, and that I may have a better chance with this person, as they wouldn't have that 'never again, run Forrest run!', shocked look on their face when I mention the word marriage. Oh where is my single/divorced/unattached prince?!

Posted by: redgem65 at April 27, 2008 10:37 AM

Or perhaps it should read; Surprisingly single, genuinely searching, delightfully divorced, once woefully married, now relationship ready and happily self supporting - accompanied of course with some sort of advertorial boob shot! lol

PS just a note there are surprisingly few male chest shots - why isn't that debated? Did see a lovely one this morning though. lol

PPS I have never managed to delete from the outbox, just the inbox.

Posted by: firelightlady at April 27, 2008 10:33 AM

Firelight @ 9.03am: I see exactly where you and others are coming from. The divorce was way back when, and you feel unfettered and completely free to find your next partner. Go for it. Hey, me too!

My personal problem is that I (and a few other dinasours) classify "married" into 2 sub-classes: "and still living together" or else "but not still living together, ie. separated."

To us, only separated is still legally married. Even forty years later. Get that?

One or other spouse has had enough motivation to move out or throw out, but neither could be bothered following through by getting the marriage officially terminated - whether or not they registered their financial separation - if not, another potential time-bomb for innocent third parties.

When Joan left me she said she'd certainly never marry again. She had a very good salary and had already had her children, so she certainly wouldn't ever want a man in her life again.

But she knew how much I valued a marital relationship for its own sake, from emotional togetherness through shared projects to sex, so she said she'd be happy to divorce (= release) me, so as to free me to move on. And she offered to pay for the divorce, because she had so much more money than I did.

I said yes please, and now I'm completely free. I'm a singleton who's divorced - not one who's only separated, so off limits to people with my values.

Or never married, and as malsie agreed at 9.16am, most of them still display the original natural selfishness that raising kids cures most people from.

They're not my match. The next one has to be nearly as unselfish as I am, or forget it, Esmeralda. I'm looking for divorced or widowed.
................................................................

So I see RSVP as having a highly-moral image when they have an intention class called "married or in a (de facto) relationship, so seeking friends only".

My unfashionable old-fashioned value system puts separated people into that class.

So I want to know that a woman's not just separated, before I send her a kiss.

And how can I tell, if she's hiding the unfinished business of her continuing marriage behind the ambiguous stalking-horse of "single"?

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 27, 2008 10:28 AM

Lailaj, I've tried deleting kisses I've sent and not had responses to from my outbox and it doesn't work. Tells me ALL kisses, etc that I've instigated from part of my history and as such cannot be deleted.
Would love to know how you do it??? >."G""

Posted by: amdoingit at April 27, 2008 10:20 AM

Sorry, using a laptop and posted my previous comment prior to finishing it. Too busy sipping on my freshly percolated coffee.. Yum!!
Anyway, back to the unfinished post.. I believe that if a persons profile is interesting AND it doesn't state married/attached then go for it. The rest can be sorted out/will come to the fore, after contact is made. I've met supposedly separated and divorced men who are in fact still married. It does come out!!!!
A minor detail in the scale of things..

Give a single lady a go Bill... You may just be pleasantly surprised!!!

And for the record, like Firelightlady, I've been single for more years than married and I have single on my profile as that's how I see myself..In fact it was my daughter who told me she saw me as single so that's what I should put.. Anyway I'm comfortable with it so once again it's a case of to each his own.

Cheers..."G"

Posted by: amdoingit at April 27, 2008 10:10 AM

Bill, I can see where you're coming from re being single or divorced and your reasons for wanting to know why but as Firelightlady said.. Profiles are indeed only filters and if

Posted by: amdoingit at April 27, 2008 9:59 AM

Ah I have to confess... I am one of those horrid people who sent a kiss and when they replied, "looking forward to your email" I realised the next day that I made a mistake. I think I had one too many wines, tis true, and didn't see that this person was a smoker. Also the first week I was on I was surfing the men, when one of those floaty thingies popped up and thinking it was a kiss coming in, I clicked on it and in a panic accidently clicked on the 'open conversation' of a chat with a strange man! Silly girl, i didn't know he just paid for it the sec I clicked on it, and turned out to be not my type! Poor man. So I am sorry.
I think there are some genuine people out there who make similar mistakes too. Not all have purpously shunned you for the fun of it, or to prove what a cretton they are.
One sorry cretton, R.

Posted by: redgem65 at April 27, 2008 9:52 AM

How about 'Currently single, briefly divorced, previously married, sometime serially monogamous, and rare brief flings in the distant past'

Firelightlady -I really like this one!!! This covers it all. I have been divorced a while now and claim to be single now. I see nothing wrong with that either. I'm single - no ex hanging around my neck, no wedding ring mark on my finger, no one to answer to - so yes..single. Divorced is slowly being left off many legal documents too, noticed that when the bank sent me new forms (Married, Defacto, Single or Widowed) were the choices. I'm sure widowed will be removed too one day.

Can't say it makes much difference in a profile. Sometimes I think the divorced ones are still just as attached as the married/attached or separated ones. Maybe the space should be left blank so we can fill in what we like....

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at April 27, 2008 9:42 AM

Let me preface this comment saying that I always reply to kisses and often use the corresponding with someone ,if I have even responded positively to someone else....If I send a kiss, I always delete the contact from my outbox, and so do not spend any time, or negative energy awaiting a reply. If I get one it is a surprise and a bonus. Try it and you will see how quickly you forget who have sent them to....remember online that you should never put all of your eggs in just the one basket.

Posted by: lailaj at April 27, 2008 9:37 AM

TW1 - if you check out the profiles there are just as many if not more male profiles describing themselves as single when divorced, separated, or even still married would be more accurate.

I believe that each to his/her own on their profile descriptors. Conversations and meetings soon clarify things.The profile is at the end of the day just a filter.

I have been single overall longer in my lifetime than married or divorced, I realise that may not be the same for others on here.So give us newly single as opposed to recycled singletons a break!

Posted by: firelightlady at April 27, 2008 9:25 AM

timewarp, I share your belief about people who haven't had children (or played a big part in raising someone else's). My experience has also been that there's a kind of "selfishness", for want of a better word, that I seldom see in people who have had to put someone else's needs first on a consistent basis. It's not meant as a criticism, though, more as an observation that there are certain skills or ways of relating in the world that the whole "parenting" situation bring about. As always, I'm sure there are exceptions, but general experience has shown me this too.

Posted by: malsie at April 27, 2008 9:16 AM

What is single?
From my perspective I am no longer married, the divorce was years ago, and the settlement not quite so many years ago.

I have reverted to my maiden name (the one half the degrees are in - lol), receive nothing from the Govt. except the universal family tax rebate, and support my kids without subsidy from their father when they are with me.
Married is no longer applicable, and divorced was some time ago - I describe myself as single because I feel single, unfettered and 'Unencumbered by previous relationship' wasn't on the list. Perhaps 'Never Married' should be an option.

If someone chooses to think of me as a welfare receiving baby factory then they; a) haven't read my profile - a fairly common occurrence - or b) are displaying some fairly outdated judgements...

How about 'Currently single, briefly divorced, previously married, sometime serially monogamous, and rare brief flings in the distant past'

I have to say it is not what people have been but what they are doing now that interests me...

Posted by: firelightlady at April 27, 2008 9:03 AM

Hi kissmequick73
I see your point but I am talking about those who live within 25km of me or less as the case usually is. The 1st thing I look at is the ideal partner profile. If I don't match then I hit the back button and keep looking.
Personally I prefer straight out no thanks.
I've never been one who took rejection very well so the more it happens the easier it is for me to deal with each time. Thus making me stronger as a person.
Yeah I'm strange I know.
I suppose it comes down to how humans tend to take the easy way out when ever possible to avoid risking looking bad.

Soclose.
I know what you mean.
There are so many women on here that were here last early year and even the year before. Are well all that unlucky when it comes to finding someone?

Sweetheartsmiles.
Sorry to point this out but there are no unsolicited kisses on RSVP.
We sign up knowing full well we will get kisses.
But I do understand where you are coming from.

Chris

Posted by: chris261 at April 27, 2008 7:28 AM

Well what can we say iaminperth?

I am with you all the way on that. It should be a simple matter but it would appear common courtesy (much like common sense) is all too uncommon nowadays. Yeah most of the kiss replies suck, but you make do with what is there.

But as many, including myself, have said elsewhere, best to work out just what the self-important personalities are like before spending any real amount of time (and more importantly money) on them.

Posted by: stoic at April 27, 2008 12:46 AM

amdoingit @ 10.6pm: Hi G. Saw yours dated about 8pm authenticating your mate just now, 3 or 4 hours after I'd posted the clip-art one.

Happened because poor Karina took a couple of hours off work, half way through a Saturday evening. Her blood's worth bottling.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 27, 2008 12:05 AM

saphires4me: Hey, I came a gutzer, didn't I? My apologies for mis-identifying you as one of my usual sparring partners, having a go at one of my mates for a change, instead of me.

It's really funny actually - all that egg dripping off my face onto my nearly-white charger. (Level 6 water restrictions here in BrisVegas - we've been allowed to wash chargers only on one day since last November, even with a bucket. That was the day late last month when our dams got back up from 20% full to 40%. Open slather for one single hour.)

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 26, 2008 11:57 PM

virgil at 8:47pm: "TW If you were to have a target market of 10 years less than yourself, say 62, then I couldnt imagime many 62 year olds having 4 kids living at home?"

My reply: Mate, I'm not the only person reading RSVP profiles or these blogs, and like you, I have the ability to think of others than myself.

Like you, what I say is sometimes a generalisation which I think may apply to, interest and/or inform some of our dear readers, rather than specifically applying to me only.

But when I give examples, they tend to be from my own experience or friends' experience. For accuracy and authenticity.

We regulars are rather like 20th-century newspaper columnists, and new posters are often even explicitly asking us agony aunts for advice.

You went on: "And as demerit points are wiped from a drivers licence, criminal records are wiped surely a person once married, could call themselves single after a period of unmarried years?"

My reply: I have a belief (maybe it's a prejudice) that people who haven't had young children and teenagers to nurture (and put up with, when they're fractious) are less "broken to the plough" than we veteran parents are.

And as a result, I believe they are often very much less unselfish than we veterans have had to learn to be. That's been my actual experience.

So what we veterans consider to be molehill problems, they often see as major obstacles to get in a tizzy about.

I once had to hold my 8-year-old coiled up in hospital while he had a lumbar puncture. If I let him buck when the hollow needle went in between his vertebrae to sample his spinal fluid, he could have become a paraplegic. That put ordinary hassles right back into perspective fairly quickly.

I'm looking for someone near my match, so I look for women who've had children, not inexperienced unbroken greenhorns.

And I'm not looking for someone who's only been separated for one week - or for forty years, and is hiding her unfinished marital business behind "single." No way Jose.

Mate, give me a divorcee who's open about that, as I am. Who's had the marriage and the kids and the hassles, the breakup and the grieving and the getting it together again as a recycled singleton (not single, divorced) - and is now looking for her match for the next session. Maybe me, with luck.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 26, 2008 11:37 PM

Bill, bugger, you got me didn't you??? Should've known better. Good one saphires.. Talk to you in the am!!!! .."G"

Posted by: amdoingit at April 26, 2008 10:06 PM

I'm going to the beach tomorrow morning early with my lovely dog. My walking friend is travelling back from Albany but won't arrive back until late in the afternoon. I am so looking forward again to having a partner for walking, the beach, good company and great friendship is wonderful. I do believe in forming lasting meaningful friendships and they certainly can progress from there.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 26, 2008 10:04 PM

I don't understand why there has to be so much thought over whether to reply or not, it's just good manners surely. If someone sends a note, reply, if someone sends a kiss reply, it's not brain surgery, it's easy, why clog your brain up thinking about it.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 26, 2008 9:50 PM

amdoingit at April 26, 2008 8:20 PM
Latter of course.

Posted by: laughsandtalks at April 26, 2008 9:49 PM

Hey all, I'm one of those apparently horrible people who don't respond to kisses unless it is to say 'i'm interested'. This is not laziness or rudeness, I do it because i really dislike getting the no-thanks replies myself. There's nothing quite so bad as opening up a kiss-reply from someone really cute only to have your hopes dashed. I would much prefer to get no reply at all. So call me rude and lazy but I will continue to not reply to un-solicited kisses.

Posted by: sweetheartsmiles at April 26, 2008 9:34 PM

Am spending longer than planned on here tonight and still have a few responses to go so think I'll just cut these last few short and group into one... Sorry....

K..@9.30pm last night... You're gonna hate me for this one but...Go Pies!!!! (I do love you really!!)

robinep @10.51am...there are a lot of crazy critters on this site and you've just had one of them. Need to not take any of it to heart and focus on the positive..There's only so many of the mothers so it has to be one closer to meeting a nice one. Enjoy the journey....

Bob (notgodsgift)..Not scrolling back for the post time sorry..but... Your post re just being yourself was spot on. I'm always just who I am and people can take it or leave it. Can think of nothing worse than having to keep up a facade. Have seen many a person (both genders) show their true colours after a few drinks when they relax.etc. Not pretty....

Bob..OG... keep up the oohhmming.. was beginning to think you'd lost your sweetness and light thing.. Would never do!!!! Hope you had a good yesterday!!!

That's my lot for tonight methinks.. Have a great weekend. Well, what's left of it.

Sorry if I missed some of you..Next time!!

Cheers..."G"

Posted by: amdoingit at April 26, 2008 9:30 PM

Hi Magik,.. welcome back... The no response has always been there..Maybe you were just lucky to not have many on your last foray.. Patience is the name of the game I believe!!!!! Good luck..."G" .

Posted by: amdoingit at April 26, 2008 9:16 PM

Virgil, still catching up on last night's post re smoking..
Son isn't a heavy smoker and does smoke outside...Is trying to quit. . I can empathise with him as I was a smoker in my younger years and know what he's going through. I hate it now but I'm not one of those reformed smokers..
Lived on a rural property for almost 20yrs with no shop for almost 30mins drive so always kept a couple of spare packs for visitors who ran out. Came about after a friend ran out and store was closed. Resorted to collecting butts from ashtrays to roll one. Nearly died so went and bought some on my next shopping trip.
It's a personal choice and just like being a drinker or non drinker, etc.. A case of to each his own and live and let live.
Cheers..."G"

Posted by: amdoingit at April 26, 2008 9:11 PM

Saphires.. a truce please darling.. X.. Thank you..."G"

Posted by: amdoingit at April 26, 2008 9:00 PM

Bill @ 1.44am.. She was having a dip at me obviously but we are friends and have been for years. Yes, before we joined this site so was a friendly jibe. You'd have met her had you been down for one of the earlier meets as she was at both of the one' prior to the one you came down for..
BUT regardless of that, thank you for coming to my defence.. Chivalry is not dead after all... Cheers..."G"

Posted by: amdoingit at April 26, 2008 8:57 PM

TW

If you were to have a target market of 10 years less than yourself, say 62, then I couldnt imagime many 62 year olds having 4 kids living at home?

And as demerit points are wiped from a drivers licence, criminal records are wiped?
surely a person once married, could call themselves single after a period of unmarried years?

Posted by: virgil at April 26, 2008 8:47 PM

"Amdoingit really haven't you got something better to do!!!" - saphires4me at 7.35pm, April 25.

To saphires4me from timewarp1 at 1.44am 26th: "Who asked you for your opinion, ma'am? Public bar for brawlers, please."

From saphires4me at 6:40pm:

"To timewarp1 I am neither into pubs or brawls - when you put your head in the clouds you can't see for looking. Manners are nice to have I was actually taught politeness and manners. Maybe on this online dating thing manners wouldn't go astray! I has been a good day for snapper as yesterday was the day of come in spinner."

"Come in spinner" is right. What else?

Doll, of course I knew it was you stirring the soup pot - that you were just saying that in the hope of starting a brawl.

So I didn't disappoint you. That would'nt have kept the show on the road, would it? And hey, you were pretty slow to come back to me - kept me waiting all day.

Wading through all that ponderous aggro, looking for your lighter touch. Go girl!

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 26, 2008 8:23 PM

Marcus @ 8.47pm last night.. Were you having a deliberate dig at Saphires re her punctuation or was it a veiled act of chivalry toward myself?? Maybe even a bit of both??? ....I like to think it's your "nice" side coming to the fore!!! ....."G"

Posted by: amdoingit at April 26, 2008 8:20 PM

Hey Saphires and 2 x i's.(last night)
Yes I did have better things to do but !!!Computer had been down so after a few days of no peeking !!! Come on give me a break...Was just a quick distraction after all... And... for the record... new treatment room will be up and running next week.(See, I really have been busy!!).

Cheers..."G"

Posted by: amdoingit at April 26, 2008 8:17 PM

Perth 6.33

I think friendships that develop into relationships are not that many, nearly all friendships stay that way, as friendships.

Posted by: virgil at April 26, 2008 8:05 PM

Oldergent, your restraint is well worth it....see it isn't that difficult is it??.............K

Posted by: auntykaz at April 26, 2008 7:31 PM

redgem65 at 6:07pm: I'm completely with you on "what is single?"

I also define "single" as having never yet had enough mutual long-term commitment to formalise a romantic relationship.

There are exceptions. I know one wonderful woman who chose not to marry the less-wonderful father of her children. Good on her. Especially back in the conformist late 1950s. And she put up with him and stayed with him, till widowed a few years ago.

But in the absence of precise information, I'm prejudiced. Sorry about that. Happens to most of us, I believe.

I'm a bloke. If she's "divorced" with 4 live-in kids, my first thought is "she must be really battling to cope with that tough situation."

But if she's "single" and owns up to 4 kids who live with her, I guess her income may come from the department of families on purpose - and I've been told that baby-farming is a more reliably-profitable business if the fathers are multiple and untraceable.

I don't care whether she's been divorced for the last 10 years and had two relationships later. Her official status is divorced, till she remarries.

And like smoking, her status is something I need to know before I contact her, because I don't do smokers, and I don't do only-separated either.

I'm too old-fashioned, and at my advanced age, I hope I can be forgiven for that. Please.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 26, 2008 7:31 PM

Boss,
went back to your original post, understood not you, but still pertinent to your question methinks.
BM's thing about spending a stamp on a non prospect is a good idea. It is amazing the pleasure a non contenders views can bridge the generations, and give some wonderful giggles to life.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at April 26, 2008 7:27 PM

Thanks BM1960 and other for the nice comments, however just to reinterate, I find it extremely frustrating to give this a try and constantly get brush or get no Response from women, when I thought the point was to meet people. I'm not trying to marry them on the first date, yes I have told people I am not interested because they didnt suit what I'm looking for, but this is riduculous.
.
Many of the girls on this site have been on here for ages, I wonder are they trying to meet people or count their popularity by the amount of people they give a 'No thanks' to.

Posted by: soclose4 at April 26, 2008 7:11 PM

OooooHhhhhhhMmmmm. I'm trying to be good aunty.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at April 26, 2008 6:54 PM

Virgil,

Knowing yourself is knowing exactly what you are as a person and accepting your strengths and weaknesses. Being yourself in all circumstances, without pretence. Knowing what you are capable of giving of yourself that will not be a compromise that you wont actually be able to live with later.

I dont care whom I meet, I am always myself. If you meet me and dont like me that doesn't bother me in the least, I'm not about to change just to make you happy....even if I like you. I think that I am a reasonable and open-minded guy....but not everyone is going to like me, and I accept that...I would actually be worried if everyone that met me or knows me did like me....I would see that as a major flaw in my personality.

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at April 26, 2008 6:49 PM

To timewarp1 I am neither into pubs or brawls- when you put your head in the clouds you can't see for looking. Manners are nice to have I was actually taught politeness and manners. Maybe on this online dating thing manners wouldn't go astray! I has been a good day for snapper as yesterday was the day of come in spinner.

Posted by: saphires4me at April 26, 2008 6:40 PM

Hi all well i agree with you kissmequick73 with the lack of appropriate replies, and just accept that there is limited replies and at least they have replied, and as for the "have recently responded to someone" it is easy to put your profile on hold, if you do not wish to receive further request cheers boss

Posted by: bossanova2008 at April 26, 2008 6:33 PM

Virgil I was joking...it was just a joke to lighten the situation with these dreary blogs. I mean isn 't this about meeting people, surely if every person you meet is a potential 'relationship' it will fail every time and I absolutely hate that word 'relationship' so overdone and pretentious. Doesn't friendship develop into something more intimate sometimes and if it does that's wonderful and if it doesn't you have made a new friend. Let's have a new Blog "What good thing did you do for somebody today: - Something that made you happy today anything but this miserable mess...oh, and also methinks lala land is a bloke.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 26, 2008 6:33 PM

Kissmequick73 - well I am sure many of the "have recently responded to someone else" responses are just an easy cop out.

That being said, you cannot send or receive emails if your profile is hidden (and has anyone tried it with private calling?)

I have a specific email address set up solely for RSVP contacts once we decide to move beyond emailing through RSVP so I don't have to give out my personal email address.

Not everyone would have that set up so would be emailing through RSVP and thus need to keep their profile visible.

Posted by: stoic at April 26, 2008 6:26 PM

Have just reactivated my profile after a "short holiday" and cannot believe how many members are now not bothering to respond at all or are using the old "I'll get spots on my tongue" have just someone response.

Maybe time for a "shame file" ?/

Posted by: magik2 at April 26, 2008 6:12 PM

Gees I just got a kiss froma 24 yr old! Lol, I'm old enough to be his mum!
Divorced is divorced, no matter how long you've been this way. Thats why there is another category which is attatched/married. This is for those to decipher if you are alone or with someone. Single doesn't mean alone here, single means never married, thats me.

Posted by: redgem65 at April 26, 2008 6:07 PM

Hi everyone, I'm generally just a lurker but Chris261's post caught my eye.

In relation to receiving the response "your profile doesn't match mine", I hate to use this response and actually try not to because it sounds like a copout, but sometimes it is the only response to use. I have listed on my profile that I am not looking for a long distance relationship yet I still get contact from people who live in Sydney or Rockhampton etc. These gentlemen may sound fantastic in every other way, and if they lived closer, I would probably have responded positively, however in this case, there isn't another response that is suitable. Another scenario (not in my case however) could also be something as simple as the person does not have a car and you could live on the other side of town so it's not do-able long term. Just a thought.

The response I hate receiving is the "have recently met someone". Okay that's great, but why are you still on here?

Posted by: kissmequick73 at April 26, 2008 5:50 PM

bossanova

Good photo, you got more natural colour in your hair than ne

Posted by: virgil at April 26, 2008 5:45 PM

The one I hate the most is the drivel of a line that says "She is flattered by your interest, but notes that your profile does not match his/her ideal partner profile. She does not wish to correspond any further, but wishes you well in your search." It is so annoying when I make sure I match everything in their "You Should Be." column. My guess is I need to have the same blank spaces as well.
Chris

Posted by: chris261 at April 26, 2008 4:47 PM

You will be opening the floodgates now Chris.
The limited and sometimes inappropriate kiss response options is one of the longest running complaints to the powers that be around here.
There have been plenty of suggestions for new and improved versions but to no avail.
However, at the end of the day, if someone is not interested they are not interested, for whatever reason. Next !!

Posted by: jenjen57 at April 26, 2008 5:39 PM

Hey Robin, Men are like buses.....if you miss one there's always another one following!!!!

Posted by: iaminperth at April 26, 2008 3:48 PM

Perth

That may be the case if a female is looking for surface level uncomplicated sex.

If a person is looking for emotional stability, true love and committment with an equal honourable partner, of either sex this is much harder to find.

Posted by: virgil at April 26, 2008 5:36 PM

zimbia - I don't think either of us understands what you are saying.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 26, 2008 5:35 PM

hey OG the reason i posted the comment is i had read it in a profile, and was wondering what the persons idea was and thought it would be worth some discussion, so some of the new members may begin to understand profile reading cheers boss

Posted by: bossanova2008 at April 26, 2008 5:33 PM

chris261 at April 26, 2008 4:47 PM
Mate if you are geting a 30-40 responses per 120 kisses that is above par.

Posted by: laughsandtalks at April 26, 2008 5:29 PM

OG

Further to my last post to you, it was me who left, and not because the love had run out, but because she is much younger than I am, and by leaving, I may be able to facilitate a life situation that she had not had, that I could not provide, and because it had been a dream of mine for many years to live in SA.

I will not elaborate further on the circumstances of another as that would not be honouring her privacy.

Posted by: virgil at April 26, 2008 5:28 PM

Virg.@ 3.31 pm (so others can check)
Nice repost (in full) Holy Duck **** Batman. the part that grabbed my funny bone was,
"my most recent partner WOULD" pray tell where is she now, then again she may have been able to put up with such self effacemant for so long before heading out.

Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at April 26, 2008 4:08 PM

OG MY recent partner (Aug 07) is in WA.

I left her on very good terms. It was always my dream to live in SA. She will always be a big part of my life. A deep and abing love wiil always be there, and should she find another partner, I would wish her happiness and contentment, as she would wish the same for me.

Posted by: virgil at April 26, 2008 5:17 PM

I try to keep up with these blogs, not always do-able...but I spent a stamp and made a great mate for which I am grateful...can't wait to check out his cooking! Or be his brides(old)maid......
Cheers,
B.

Posted by: bm1960 at April 26, 2008 5:16 PM

Aunt.
I've been a good boy for so long, ignored him with a strong will, Blame lailaj, I read her posts, so when she made that fateful one that did not end in a proposal, and the response caught my eye, the "debil" made me do it. But it has emptied my bucket and now I will revert back to my policy of Sweetness and Light. Oh Kaz I have said before, you really should put a H in the Ohhhhmmm's it gives a nice resonant feeling in the nether regions.

BM,
you behave yourself, you don't have to always follow advise given, especially in the cups. But then why make referrence to those experiences if not to tantalise us, teaser.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at April 26, 2008 5:07 PM

He is a bit too cute, eh .......:-)

Posted by: bm1960 at April 26, 2008 5:01 PM

Soclose.
I wished you had not made that post, (having checked your profile) now what chance has old Bill and me got. Karina I want a refund of my stamps lol.

Posted by: oldergent at April 26, 2008 4:50 PM

Hi soclose4,
It's is very frustrating.
I've sent around 120 kisses and got only 30-40 responses. Met a few women but nothing has come from those contacts.
Anyway.
The one I hate the most is the drivel of a line that says "She is flattered by your interest, but notes that your profile does not match his/her ideal partner profile. She does not wish to correspond any further, but wishes you well in your search." It is so annoying when I make sure I match everything in their "You Should Be." column. My guess is I need to have the same blank spaces as well.
Chris

Posted by: chris261 at April 26, 2008 4:47 PM

soclose4....I wish you weren't so young!!!!
:-)

Posted by: bm1960 at April 26, 2008 4:44 PM

Hey all.....hope the long weekend is going well....I haven't had a chance to read back through the blogs to see if I have missed anything, but will try and so so later..I missed last night's episode of The Biggest Loser and caught up today online....This computer thing is very handy and helpful.....spent this arvo helping my son and mates do accountancy homework...they love figures (all sorts!) and I love words so we have something to offer each other! They do the math and I put it into words for them.....let's hope their examinators think I have a reasonable control of our language!!! Oops...this should probably be in the degree topic.....I won't ever be an accountant but read through a lot of the course topics so I think I am sort of clever!!! :-)
I am not new to online dating and could never begin to describe some of my experiences.....and never will...must be me!!!!

Posted by: bm1960 at April 26, 2008 4:41 PM

Ohhh oldergent, a scathing comment to Virgil that was.....Why Virgil's most recent partner is just that is really his business dontcha think??....... Whew what a chainyank........ ommm OG............K

Posted by: auntykaz at April 26, 2008 4:39 PM

Hey all.....hope the long weekend is going well....I haven't had a chance to read back through the blogs to see if I have missed anything, but will try and so so later..I missed last night's episode of The Biggest Loser and caught up today online....This computer thing is very handy and helpful.....spent this arvo helping my son and mates do accountancy homework...they love figures (all sorts!) and I love words so we have something to offer each other! They do the math and I put it into words for them.....let's hope their examinators think I have a reasonable control of our language!!! Oops...this should probably be in the degree topic.....I won't ever be an accountant but read through a lot of the course topics so I think I am sort of clever!!! :-)
I am not new to online dating and could never begin to describe some of my experiences.....and never will...must be me!!!!

Posted by: bm1960 at April 26, 2008 4:36 PM

Hey Robin, Men are like buses.....if you miss one there's always another one following!!!!

Posted by: iaminperth at April 26, 2008 3:48 PM

That is both the good thing and the bad thing about doing the online dating thing :))
There are plenty of people that you have the opportunity to meet and maybe click with.
But it can also be a bit like a smorgasbord, and you start to get a bit picky because there are just so many people. and maybe some of us over look someone that we might really like if we met them face to face in a social setting.

But I understand what you are saying.......plenty of fish in the pond :))

Posted by: jenjen57 at April 26, 2008 4:32 PM

Robinep,
To that type of drongo, don't even give a second chance, I cannot imagine you being short of getting all the contacts you want.

Bossa,
I think if you are still "emotional" about a past relationship, it is not put in the Baggage section and filed away for good. Why muck up some other poors sods life when you are in that condition. Wait till you are over it then proceed with your life. I mean that to apply to both genders.

Virg.@ 3.31 pm (so others can check)
Nice repost (in full) Holy Duck **** Batman. the part that grabbed my funny bone was,
"my most recent partner WOULD" pray tell where is she now, then again she may have been able to put up with such self effacemant for so long before heading out.

Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at April 26, 2008 4:08 PM

I have tried RSVP twice, both with not much success, I have sent around 80 kisses and got 75 'No thanks or no response back at all' . I have met two women in person both who were nice but just not the right person, having no chemistry.
.
What I find incredibly frustrating and RUDE is people who do not respond, in the last week I have sent off 6 kisses and got absolutely no response when in some of the profiles they say 'Please dont be shy send me a kiss' Well I did and you can't respond.
.
Obviously I don't have the perfect look for those I'm sending the kisses too. Either that or my profile doesnt suit their needs,

Posted by: soclose4 at April 26, 2008 4:06 PM

Hi all well i must admit commenting on blog certainly brings out the curiosity factor in some, going on those who have checked my profile of late. I am ok with it as out of the same curiosity i check most of them back so as to gain insight into what they maybe thinking as we all search for whatever may be missing in our lives cheers boss

Posted by: bossanova2008 at April 26, 2008 3:58 PM

Hey Robin, Men are like buses.....if you miss one there's always another one following!!!!

Posted by: iaminperth at April 26, 2008 3:48 PM

Virgil...you are the sum of all those things plus more...you have not mentioned any strengths/weaknesses as such...are you compassionate, devoted, strong, caring, honest etc...spiritual as well as of a religion, non-judgemental...many other things besides labels such as father etc, contribute to what and who you are.

Posted by: lailaj at April 26, 2008 12:59 PM

lailaj

I feel it would be presumptuous of me to claim those qualities, however my most recent partner would attest to me having all of those and some more.

Some that know me here may attest similarly.

Posted by: virgil at April 26, 2008 3:31 PM

Post by: robinep at April 26, 2008 10:51 AM re: the flaky man you had organised to meet. I guess it comes down to how you are able to view this scenario in the big picture. If this had happened to me, I would view it as simply being forwarned that this guy is not worth expending any energy on. Thank goodness you found out. In my book he has lost his chance with you. Move on. Delete..Next!!

Posted by: femalepersuasion at April 26, 2008 3:28 PM

Guiltypleasure, l like the babelfish translation of c'est la vie....... have a good life....
well the Kaz version of babelfish anyway,...............K

Posted by: auntykaz at April 26, 2008 3:13 PM

Has anyone here tried copying some of A to Z's posts into Babel Fish and translating it from, say, English to Chinese and back to English again?

It actually makes her posts comprehensible.

As to knowing what you want and stating it clearly, I would say that for most people here, that's something that is ever-changing and evolving. I know for a fact that what I wanted one year after I separated from my former husband is completely different to what I want now, five years later.

I'm not prepared to be locked in to one or two ideas of what I want or the person I want it from, because I know from dating experience that I have learnt a lot about myself and what I want simply by meeting new people and sharing my time with them. Although meeting the one person with whom I click has eluded me so far, I wouldn't change anything. I have made some wonderful friends and learnt some great lessons. C'est la vie! (Feel free to translate that through Babel Fish if you need to).

Posted by: guiltypleasure at April 26, 2008 2:40 PM

Posted by: robinep at April 26, 2008 10:51 AM

Hopefully it means you have gotten the idiot contact out of the way early and someone nice is around the corner. Good luck.

Troy

Posted by: troyohboy at April 26, 2008 2:29 PM

Hi all, a topic for discussion, what defines recently seperated, say inrelationship to a marraige (Divorced) or a shorter term relationship that did not workout, it can take awhile to emotionaly recover from a long time marriage as against recovering from a shorter term relationship (where there were no children involved) look forward to any comments cheers

Posted by: bossanova2008 at April 26, 2008 2:07 PM

Robinep- Don't worry i had a similar experience. And since then I have some very nice guys, just not the right guy. Go for coffee, I'm sure you will be pleasantly surprised and have a lovely meeting. Good luck!
R.

Posted by: redgem65 at April 26, 2008 1:36 PM

WnW, quoted. I agree knowing yourself is very important and i think knowing yourself and knowing what you want are very much related to each other.
posted by: woodnwine

Woodnwine,

Good Manners, Right Conducts and Psychoanalysis are all you need to practice WnW.
Joining the street brawl fight rushed someone aids without thinking the causes of fights gives low class self-willed and ignorant. You should realized this, gist takes as precaution, be responsible of your action ...people with those higher education are more capable to understand (what, why, how, and hmnn) with long patience observation before to concluded any possibilities to judged, why it happened ? who stated ? what are the dispute? and case to case study matters.
You acted indifferently some of your posts, subjected to analysed by yourselves a broaden mental and emotional awareness, while intervened any related discussion without prior using a technical intelligent and common senses.

I'm sorry to say, but you need to leaned a proper tools of behavioral comprehensive rather than making excuses of translation of what the???? ...highly recommended Checked your previous Post and bloggers comments from the beginning of Deal Makers & Deal Breakers Blog. might help little bit. I guess.

Posted by: zimbia at April 26, 2008 1:21 PM

Virgil...you are the sum of all those things plus more...you have not mentioned any strengths/weaknesses as such...are you compassionate, devoted, strong, caring, honest etc...spiritual as well as of a religion, non-judgemental...many other things besides labels such as father etc, contribute to what and who you are.

Posted by: lailaj at April 26, 2008 12:59 PM

woodnwine at April 26, 2008 12:00 PM - have to agree. You have to know who you are to have any chance of knowing what or who you might want.

robinep at April 26, 2008 10:51 AM

Don't lose heart, not all guys are as odd as this. A friend who has been here for some time longer than me told me that the ratio of strange:good is about 4:1. Keep on sampling :-)

Posted by: ynotalice at April 26, 2008 12:48 PM

lailaj - 100 per cent with you on that one. It seems everyone's idea of what's "normal" or appropriate space-wise varies greatly. Of course no-one is right or wrong, you've just got to match up with someone whose idea is fairly similar to your own on the subject. It seems mine and my ex partner's were very much at odds, the final reason for its disintegration. There's a stereotypical idea of women as the ones wanting total "togetherness". Not always so, is it, lailaj?

robinep - hope your next experience is a better one for you!

bossanova - I agree totally, that is a rude way to handle things. If people have changed their minds about being in contact, well, that's their right (however frustrating and hurtful it may be), but to actually go as far as blocking you is like intimating you're likely to stalk them or something! It's amazing how many people mention that happening to them on here, though.

Posted by: malsie at April 26, 2008 12:37 PM

notgodsgift - I agree knowing yourself is very important and I think knowing yourself and knowing what you want are very much related to each other.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 26, 2008 12:00 PM

Notgodsgift

To know who we are?
That is a huge question. Am I my name?
Am I my occupation? most people wh describe themselves, sa "I am a nurse/accountant/checkout chick.

Am I a father/son/grandfather?

Am I an Anglican? and if so, what does this mean to me and those I am close to.

Am I an Eagles member? Yes
Am I a Crows Member? Yes

Am I divorced?
or single ? I would say single, because it was more than 10 years ago since my divorce.

I am not being "clever", but who are we?

Are we not whoever turns up at the time?

Say going to a coffee meeting we know we have just got done by a speed camera and the date is then late? does this affect who we are at the meeting?

What about the differece in who we are at the meeting depending on whether we are knocked over or bored stupid by the person on the other side of the table?

Posted by: virgil at April 26, 2008 11:48 AM

well malsie i can handle the practical things.Had an experiance over the last few days on rsvp i found annoying. After exchanging kisses and pics i was asked for and email which i did, just a short ice breaker to get things started. Only to receive no reply and to then notice i had been blocked out. I do not mind using my stamps but to just have them ignored and wasted is rude. cheers all

Posted by: bossanova2008 at April 26, 2008 11:31 AM

Notgodsgift, I totally agree with you...and it is important to stay true to who we truly are.
I always think that I will know what I want, in someone else, when I meet them...but, and this is a big one, I know that I do not want to be smothered by someone else. I need my own space, to just be, and hope that they will be the same or be comfortable with that and realise that it doesn't mean that I like them any less.

Posted by: lailaj at April 26, 2008 11:13 AM

Well here is my one and only story of RSVP dating, sorry haven't been on the site for long.

I was all set to go on my first meeting with an RSVP person on Wednesday. We were going to see a movie; I thought great idea gives a forced conversation topic even if in person you find you really have little in common. They asked to shift it to Thursday for dinner, wanted to spend more time with me. I was stupidly flattered said okay. Then on Thursday I get the message, they've left their wallet at their parents house, can I pay for their movie ticket. No acknowledgement that we've switched from dinner back to the movie. I say okay but let them know I do feel uncomfortable as I don't know this isn't a thing they always do, you know always don't have money on them. He gives me this cranky message about how he'll go all the may back to his parent’s house simply to get his wallet. I tell him not to bother, I'll pay. He responds that he agrees it does all seem a bit suss and that I'm not to worry he'll borrow money from a friend. Then at the time we're supposed to meet I get a message that his "best girlfriend" is "violently ill" so he must go to her. So I head home. A few hours later I get a message saying "I felt really bad about you paying, it wasn't right." This floored me, he'd said he was borrowing money; I wasn't as far as I knew still paying for him. Plus was the "best girlfriend" made up? I responded as a typical pissed off woman would, "yeah thanks for having me pay $6 for a round trip on the bus to the city and back to make it write." He of course ignores this then texts me again on Friday morning saying again how he felt bad about me paying. I felt bad about me going to the effort of getting ready and then actually getting there. I ignore his text because of course why would I respond to someone who ignores my text and simply refers to the money again. What has happened to his girlfriend? Is she dead by this stage? Then Friday night I get the can I have a second chance text. Is this supposed to be a joke? How is it a second chance. He'd moved the first one, then he'd asked me to pay, then he'd gotten cranky because I didn't feel comfortable paying for someone I didn't know (yes I know guys do it all the time, apparently, haven't had one of my ex's pay for anything of mine, not even flowers so that's yet to be seen), then stands me up for his best girlfriend, then says it's because of money... second chance??? Aren’t we up to at least the fifth chance?

So now I'm supposed to go for a coffee with another RSVP person and can't help but be very concerned because I don't really want to get there to be stood up.

Yes this was a long post I know!

Posted by: robinep at April 26, 2008 10:51 AM

You're welcome, bossanova, and English can be challenging for lots of people (just as anything halfway practical is challenging for me!). Something that may help with regards to working out where to put full stops is to imagine saying what you're writing.

If you can imagine yourself running out of breath with what you're trying to say, that's probably a good indication a full stop may be necessary - a chance to regain your breath, if you like. Do you know what I mean? I'm not trying to be patronising, just thinking of ways that may help you work out how to do it.

Posted by: malsie at April 26, 2008 10:20 AM

Hey Woody,

I disagree with you mate about knowing what we want being the most important factor when looking for a partner. I believe the most important thing is to know who you are, not what you want.

I cant honestly say what I want because I dont really know....but I know what I dont want. There are thinks I prefer and things I am not so hot on, but when some of these are packaged the right way....they work for me. For instance, I am not a smoker, but have met some very nice women that are...so I can live with that, but only when there are other aspects in the package that outweigh that.

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at April 26, 2008 10:16 AM

Here here, WnW and Virgil!
It would be good if people could work out what they really want, up front, less confusion and dissapointments.
I for one, am looking to fall in love with that one guy (this is after we date alot). With hopefully, a view to marriage one day (if we are truely right for each other).
I know just saying this would scare alot of guys off, but if they really admit it to themselves, when you start a relationship and be exclusive, this is immenent. If you are a good match and continue to grow together, show respect and have good communication at all times, this will most likely lead to love, commitment and I hate to scare you, guys, but marriage! This of course is over a long period of time.
Hopefully this blog will get rid of those married men and those who want a fling, kissing me.
Maybe we should state what we are truely after, in our profiles. And if you are not sure then state this also.
R.

Posted by: redgem65 at April 26, 2008 9:51 AM

Hi virgil - I was actually being even a bit deeper than that. I was suggesting to newbies (and others if I can be so bloody bold) that we should all work out what it is we are wanting in a relationship. Are we looking for a long-term relationship, a short-term relationship, a casual association .... if we meet someone, would we want to live together or stay living apart .... would we eventually entertain marriage? Are we looking for exclusitivity .... or not?

I think if we are to be successful on here and not perhaps hurt or even confuse others, we should have a fair idea of what we are after and make this known fairly early on to the other person (when we are lucky enought to meet them). Like virgil said, some of our wants/needs do change and obviously that's OK and perfectly normally as plans can be somewhat variable.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 26, 2008 9:02 AM

saphires4me at April 25, 2008 7:35: Who asked you for your opinion, ma'am? Public bar for brawlers, please.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 26, 2008 1:44 AM

i agree saph she shud be doing something constructive........

Posted by: twoeyes at April 26, 2008 12:34 AM

My suggestion... make sure your protection is protecting you!

Other than that, have fun :)

Posted by: gottahavesoul at April 26, 2008 12:13 AM

amdoing it

19 years ago when your son and his partner got together, smoking was much more mainstream, it was allowed in some work places, all bars & nightclubs etc.

I have the feeling that today, most non smokers, especially here will reject a prospective partner on that basis alone.

Maybe it depends on the number of cigarettes per day? A previous partner used to regularly have between 2 and 5 cigarettes per day, and always outside

Posted by: virgil at April 25, 2008 10:44 PM

Virgil, my primary want this weekend is two really good sleep ins.....
Shouldn't be that hard l would think.....

Up until about 4pm this afternoon, my primary want was to see Essendon crack Collingwood....... somehow that didn't happen though....................K

Posted by: auntykaz at April 25, 2008 9:30 PM

thank you to amberlight, lailaj, malsie, and amdoingit for your comments, no offence was taken as you can guess english was not my forte at school

Posted by: bossanova2008 at April 25, 2008 8:49 PM

saphires4me at April 25, 2008 7:35 PM

It might be a good idea for you to look at your punctuation. You do not follow a question, with three exclamation marks.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at April 25, 2008 8:47 PM

Amdoingit really haven't you got something better to do!!!

Posted by: saphires4me at April 25, 2008 7:35 PM

WnW

A good suggestion for all of us, working out what it is we want.

Some of our wants change, and often quite quickly.

I think it is often the case, that our primary wants are fairly easy to satisfy, and I guess the hard part, is defining our primary want.

This might seem too simplistic.

for me, my primary wants at the moment are going to the footy, and getting more boookkeeping clients or a part-time job, my secondary want is a girlfriend. I know that if my secondary want, became my primary want, I would immediately purchase a plane ticket.

For some others, it is harder to deifine a primary want. When I was a smoker, I would never define smoking as a primary want, and if a girl didnt like that, well goodbye.

Now that I am a non-smoker, I see smoking to be for some, a primary want, therefore they are willing to make relationships etc, the secondary consideration, therefore choosing smokes in preference to a partner.

I think it just comes down to defining our primary want, because we can usually get that.

Posted by: virgil at April 25, 2008 7:32 PM

Laughsalot.. Nothing wrong with your profile love. It's just a time thing and patience is the name of the game.. Applies to all of us, regardless of age or gender.

Sure, there's lots of us who are non smokers and as such prefer to be with someone the same but it's by no means a given. My oldest son is a smoker and married to a non smoker. She hates it but they've been together for 19 years so ?? .

Good luck in your search.."G"

Posted by: amdoingit at April 25, 2008 6:06 PM

Bossanova, checked your profile out too and like Malsie and Amberlight agree that it's the punctuation that needs to be addressed. Don't change who you are just punctuate and you should notice a difference. Probably a femme thing but for what it's worth that's my take on it. Good luck... "G".

Posted by: amdoingit at April 25, 2008 5:57 PM

laughsalot - you the pilot. You know where you want to end up, and you've just been shown many brands of map.

Now make up your own mind how to get there, plot a course and open the throttles ...

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 25, 2008 5:40 PM

abckenny @ 12.12pm: You are a norty boy, and every time I meet you in person, I like you better.

For those who misread my post at 11.05am today:

My very fallible memory suggests that there was a thought that you and Troy might nucleate a meeting for 2 or more bloggers, somewhere between your respective homes at the Gold Coast and near Byron.

I asked if the venue could move a bit further north to somewhere near the border, to bring the weeknight meeting (to suit Hinter) within range of the considerably larger number of Brisbloggers who'd met in January.

And now that Hinter says she's not interested, it seemed petrol-efficient to me to move it to Brisbane's south side. Not too far for Troy and Firelight, (the only 2 Gold Coast bloggers that I know of), especially if they car-pooled, and not too far from the Sunshine Coast, where we usually have a few bloggers. And rooolly close for all the BrisVegas mob.

And perhaps on a Sunday arvo, which seems to be the freeest for most people.

Anyone got a better idea they can advance promptly, preferably this weekend?

If not, how many takers for each of the 2 afternoons I mentioned at 11.05am?

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 25, 2008 5:30 PM

laughsalot, you have made an honest comment regarding your smoking in your profile..that you are a regular smoker...

Now l don't know about anyone else, but what so many people say they want is honesty..... and honey, you can't get more honest than what you say about smoking.

So what to do??...... Do you change it in the hope that it will attract more guys, or do you leave it and see what happens......Be true to yourself, laughsalot, for that is the most important thing you can do.

If others see it as a negative, then so be it..
What matters is that you are not misleading..................K

Posted by: auntykaz at April 25, 2008 5:29 PM

laughsalot - 'nough said ... your choice 100%.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 25, 2008 5:14 PM

Best suggestion for newbies .... first, work out what is you want.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 25, 2008 5:13 PM

G'day chris261.
Masterful, and I have not read you profile. I think you understand me.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at April 25, 2008 4:20 PM

It was an approximation and a rough breakdown of a 24hr period. I do work and have other things to do where I dont smoke and yes I do run quite effectively on less sleep compared to most sometimes it is 4 hours. Compared to someone who smokes 1-2 packets of 40-50 a day I am not a heavy smoker.

I do get the gist of the bloggers here... smoking is a no no for most, so are alot of other things! If that's one of the two main mentioned things going against my profile then so be it.

My original point was to get tips on how to get more people to look at a profile and receive a kiss - the smoking part does not come nto play until someone has actually looked at a profile which may or may not actually link back to comments made about photos.. so I will change what I can and what I feel comfortable with and get on with the task at hand.

Posted by: laughsalot71 at April 25, 2008 4:19 PM

chris261 at April 25, 2008 1:14 PM

Nothing too wrong with your profile mate.
Keep at it.
Your digital camera program ought to allow you to edit up any pics you want to post.

Fnuny aoubt rineadg. So lnog as the fsirt and lsat lteters are in pcale a sntenace is ullasuy itenlligable.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at April 25, 2008 2:52 PM

So is a Gold Coast Blog meet no longer on?? I would have liked to meet those from the southern end on here - we could have looked for all those people who love to walk along the beach... I would still be interested if anyone else is.

By the way please be aware if one alters their profile for any reason whilst it is hidden it becomes automatically visible again - lol!
Also I have to agree with Amberlight @2.07 dismemberment is very off-putting!

Posted by: firelightlady at April 25, 2008 2:18 PM

I'm no expert on this Chris, (my profile doesn't exactly bring blokes to a "standstill" as quoted by Timewarp) but I agree with HLL.
Your profile is interesting and honest, you also show you have a good sense of humour.
I agree as well, that photos with dismembered arms/shoulders don't look all that good. But it is a lovely photograph of you, perhaps you could edit it a bit to fade the arm out?
The heading to the football ones are a tad serious, I'm so sorry about the team you support!! You already knew that they were going to be thrashed, didn't you?!
(Sorry, I'll be serious now.)
But something a bit more light-hearted might be better to match your sense of humour.

Tell me about the taking photos of yourself bit!
I might also try HLL's suggestion of talking to myself as I snap the camera, but I expect it won't make the slightest bit of difference!!

Hi Bossanova,
I had a look at your profile too, and I agree with Malsie, your profile is a litttle hard to read.
Sounds a bit like someone who mumbles in a flat voice with no light and shade.
However, I am certainly not brilliant at this either, so you are welcome to ignore me!!

Heck Thunderbolt,
"......bike chains, flick knife, razor blades etc"

Where on earth were you planning to take that poor girl?!

Posted by: amberlight58 at April 25, 2008 2:07 PM

20 cigarettes a day - wouldn't that make one a reasonably heavy smoker - while you say it's only one and hour - how many people sleep just 4 hours a day? I see the 2020 summit puts forward the idea to ban smoking for those born after 2008 and to wipe out production of cigarettes not long after - wow...there goes a huge chunk of change for the govt tax coffers...but on the upside, probably save a stack in public health funding for those who suffer the after-affects....

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at April 25, 2008 2:03 PM

Thanks hinterlandlover.
English was never my strongest subject when in school and I was basically left to fend for myself by my teachers so I know my punctuation etc. is not the best.
I mainly concentrate on my spelling and checking for typos. I tend to type so fast that I miss words and letters even thought they are there in my head. It's a bit like when you are trying to say something but you mouth can't keep up with you mind and you get you mords wuddled.
Chris

Posted by: chris261 at April 25, 2008 1:14 PM

Bossanova...agree with Malsie...change your headline, put your info into sections below and in your main part elaborate on what you have said in your ideal partner section...write about how you compliment that type of person:))
Thanks Malsie, Oldergent and Kenny.

Posted by: lailaj at April 25, 2008 1:06 PM

chris261, I think you have a good selection of photos, and your main one is the best, so I'd be keeping that one, if I were you. As people so often do in profiles, there's a whole lot of "I' this, that and the other, to explain who you are and what you like and don't like. When I'm reading profiles, my preference is for those that incorporate the relevant information into it without a continual string of "I"s. Perhaps that's the style you prefer, and that's fine. Just how I view it.

The other thing that puts me off on a personal level when I read it is mention of "no time wasters" or words to that effect, especially in the main headline! I'm sure nobody wants to encourage "time wasters", but there's something somewhat negative in that message every time I read it that really bugs me. These are just my own personal reactions, though, and perhaps there are other people who don't feel that way at all.

Your profile gave me an impression of vitality and spark and doesn't need much to improve it, in my humble opinion!

Posted by: malsie at April 25, 2008 12:46 PM

Chris261: Just an afterthought to my previous post ... bear in mind that all of us here [unless staying on the site just to blog] who are so ready to give advice, like me, have been as yet "unsuccessful" at the primary objective, i.e. meeting a partner! It might be wise not to take our suggestions too seriously. Writing a great profile may not necessarily be the key to meeting a mate. It's about attracting that one who's right for you from your profile, and that's why good photos are important.

Posted by: hinterlandlover at April 25, 2008 12:35 PM

bossanova, since you asked, I'll add a few comments re your profile, if you like:
firstly, it's quite hard to read in terms of lack of punctuation. A lot of what should be distinct sentences actually runs together. So a few more appropriate breaks with full stops and capital letters would make it more understandable, I think. If punctuation is not your forte, perhaps you have a friend who could help you with that? That suggestion is not to try to make you be something you are not, just to make it easier for people to actually follow it... okay?

Also, if you could fill out the main section a bit more with things that give a better idea of who you are actually are, that would be good. There are ways of writing where you can connect sentences in a way that they flow better rather than starting every one with "I" this, that, or whatever, rather than like a list at a supermarket.

In the "movies" section, a few examples of what films and TV shows you like gives a better idea than mentioning the type of shows you go for.

These are just a few ideas, and I hope you are not offended in any way by my suggestions. Profile writing is daunting for some people and as it is the first point of contact, it seems worth putting a bit of thought into it. Good luck :)

Posted by: malsie at April 25, 2008 12:30 PM

laughsalot71 at April 25, 2008 11:16 AM
Of course dancing is a sport and all the better if zooming leather is visible.
Horizontal Australian folk dancing is known to be both exercise and therapy and should be part of the aim of your quest..
Re the smoking . I am a reformed smoker- gave up 26 years ago. These days smokers etiquette is a lot better and it doesn't have to be a gigantic issue with all men. You will probably meet men who smoke and have this in common.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at April 25, 2008 12:23 PM

With you removed from the equation, I can't see the logic of going to the Gold Coast for our next meeting. Oh Bill you are so smooth and
subtle !!!!

And here was me thinking that you were arranging a meet with Troy and others.

Posted by: abckenny at April 25, 2008 12:12 PM

Hi
I have decided to end my peroid as a lurker and make a comment.
I am not entirely new to online dating, I actually met my last 2 boyfriends and some good plutonic friends via online dating sites so I think that it can work if you are selective and careful.
I have been reading thess blogs with interest, sometime laughing and at other times wondering why people are so intent on being so intolreant of other people's points of view, directions.
I did have a serious profile up on rsvp but after failing to meet the criteria set by some I decided to go for the tongue in cheek approach but there is much truth in it for those who look.
My last comment for today is that I have actually met someone who was right under my nose all the time. Just needed a bit of help - a combination of a friend getting me to join up to check someone out for her and before I could remove my profile a very shy, gentle man having the courage to email me.
Best of luck to all on here.
Some of your entries are pretty insightful
AL

Posted by: bellainthesouth at April 25, 2008 12:10 PM

Chris261: I actually like the way you've done your profile. The content is sufficiently revealing of you as a person [unlike the three line profiles which say absolutely nothing]. I'm too much of a language pedant to set it out the way you have, especially your paragraphing, punctuation, and abbreviations, but it's you, your style, and that's what we're trying to portray. Perhaps it could be set out a little more conventionally. What do others think?

But as you say yourself, the photos really could be improved on. I especially dislike those photos where the other person has been cut off, but you can still see part of her shoulder, arm, whatever, and that's what the main one of yours looks like, even though it really is a good photo of you. I have to admit it's a turn off for me though. If you must use it, perhaps it could become one of your secondary photos?
I relate to the problem you're having, taking some more of yourself. It feels strange, but I have found that when I 'talk' to the camera, yes, out loud [only my dog can hear anyway] they seem to come out better, and look less staged.
Good luck.

Posted by: hinterlandlover at April 25, 2008 12:10 PM

Thanks For the advice lailaj.
Femalepersuasion is you are reading this blog I would be very greatful for your input.
To all those reading feel free to add you input.

I'm currently working on new photos. It's just a little hard taking pics of yourself and looking natural.

Thanks
Chris

Posted by: chris261 at April 25, 2008 11:26 AM

WnW at April 25, 2008 10:11 AM, I understand the debate on smoking and whilst I don't encourage it, I am trying to be honest with my profile so I can't put 'trying to quit' at the moment. It's a little confusing when I do see so many non smoking profiles yet when I go out the smoking areas are filled with so many smokers which then reminds me of something for

Marcus - one of my local hangs is the local Football Club, - can I class dinner and dancing as a sport if I'm not there for the sport but have been known to make a passing comment as leathers go zooming across the TV screen? lol

Posted by: laughsalot71 at April 25, 2008 11:16 AM

Captain Bowyang @ 10.07: Sir, you jest. (Glad someone does!) Istj and I have too many differences in philosophy to make us compatible, but too few for a fulfilling life of joyous combat with one another. Even long-distance.

But thank you for the tongue-in-both-cheeks compliment.

Signed: REAL ly old MAN 72

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 25, 2008 11:15 AM

hinterlandlover at 7:38am: Sorry about the confusion. Shows what happens when I rely only on memory, instead of looking back through a few million words.

And I'm sorrier that you're getting disillusioned. You always had good stuff to say, so I was really hoping to meet you at a blogmeet.

...........................................................

With you removed from the equation, I can't see the logic of going to the Gold Coast for our next meeting. That would be asking the mountain to come to Mohamed. Or why we'd meet on a hurried weeknight.

Would anybody be interested in another Sunday arvo in Brisvegas, like the one in January. Maybe in about a month's time?

Perhaps expressions of interest here, stating preference for May 18 or June 1st? (May 25's no good for me.) If we get half a dozen for one date, then stamped emails to me for the time and the new venue?

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 25, 2008 11:05 AM

well lailaJ i see you have checked my profile so do u have some tips for me i will not be offended as it is hard to work out what you should say and also any tips on how much info you should give in the first few exchanges looking forward to any comments from other members and all the best to everyone

Posted by: bossanova2008 at April 25, 2008 11:05 AM

Yeah I don't have many pics of myself - I'm usually the one behind the camera. But I'll see what I can get my friends to dig up.

Posted by: coreyw88 at April 25, 2008 10:28 AM

lailaj - good to see you back :)

Posted by: malsie at April 25, 2008 10:18 AM

GuiltyPleasure

What I meant by not being too controversial for new bloggers, was probably a front on attack on Marcus or something like that.

As far as combining love and footy, its all in the compromises, this is the first year, in as long as I can remember that I havent had a girlfriend in the footy season, that I am enjoying my weekends of footy, but when someone special is with me, no doubt there will be compromises.

Posted by: virgil at April 25, 2008 10:12 AM

laughsalot - personally, I would class 20 cigs a day as a heavy smoker, when you consider you are only awake for about 16 hours. Your choice of course, but it may put at least half the potential men off. Again, good luck ... you sound like a fun person.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 25, 2008 10:11 AM

Hi all have been on rsvp for a few weeks but only today explored this part (Blog) found it most helpful in giving and insight into what peoples thoughts are and already i am viewing profiles with a more open mind thanks to some comments made by blueeyes1955 regarding age and likes and dislikes i feel u dont have to have the same interests as exploring each others could expand our outlook on life and what it has to offer well will continue to check the blogs now for tips bye bossanova2008

Posted by: bossanova2008 at April 25, 2008 10:09 AM

Could I welcome istj54 back to the blogs.

And I am not allowed to call her SugarBabe and names like that, as she wants a date with a Real Man. Are you reading this, TimeWarp?

That of course, also excludes people named Gavin, sporting a fresh dog collar and lead and off to Obedience School where they will be taught things like “Sit!!!” “Walkies!!!!” etc

Posted by: captthunderbolt at April 25, 2008 10:07 AM

PS.
I added a bit at the 'popcorn' part of my profile, just for you Virgil : ) - just in case others have also gotten that impression lol.
Toodles!
R.

Posted by: redgem65 at April 25, 2008 10:07 AM

Virgil- Thankyou. The popcorn, lol I only do a couple of pieces not a whole box (to the person I came with of course) and I aim for down their front when they aren't looking or expecting it. Tis fun! Lol.
Corey- Your emails are fine, keep kissin' but really read their profiles and look hard for the signs that 'she' really does want a long term relationship.
You may like to add into your profile if you wish to marry one day. This may deter the 'flingers' from kissing you and waisting your time and stamps! Also have you a pic of yourself in casual attire? This would improve your chances as well.
Hang in there and good luck.
R.

Posted by: redgem65 at April 25, 2008 9:36 AM

Thanks all - it's nice to know an email here isn't too different from starting up a conversation in person after all!

Posted by: coreyw88 at April 25, 2008 9:29 AM

Corey...doesn't sound like you are doing anything wrong at all - you've been friendly enough to follow up the kiss you sent (got to love that courtesy thing - it's pretty rare on RSVP), and you've asked about her as well - not just talked about yourself - sounds all good. Just chalk it up to rude people who like to feed their egos and collect kisses :) You have to kiss a lot of trolls before you find your princess!

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at April 25, 2008 8:51 AM

Chris261...ask Femalepersuasion to tweak your profile for you and I think you will have more success:)) I think you sound interesting and interested, but you could come across with more oomph and pizzazz with a little tweaking.

Posted by: lailaj at April 25, 2008 8:50 AM

hi, coreyw88. It sounds to me like you've done everything right in your quest to connect to someone, and it's the people you've been in contact with that are lacking "internet etiquette". You obviously know the difference between an email with nothing in it (like "hi") and one that's too long and overwhelming first up; you've mentioned commonalities and shown interest in your recipient. Really, what more could you do!

These sorts of things are the more frustrating and puzzling in the rsvp connundrum, where people show interest and then just never respond again. It seems they change their mind about corresponding for some reason - decide you're not what they want, are fickle, someone "better" comes along (a horrible concept but true - I've had it happen to me so I know how it feels).
You sound like a lovely young guy - keep trying is my advice, and I'm sure things will improve. Good luck.

Posted by: malsie at April 25, 2008 8:50 AM

Waterbombe...I love that invisible middle-aged women bit. That's how I feel most of the time now, but find it gives me great freedom to be....invisible:))

Amberlight, good on you....doesn't matter if you get no replies for a while. As WB says you get to choose who you think suits well.

Coreyw88, just keep sending kisses out and be more selective who you reply to, keeping it light and upbeat, and you should get at least one good contact from your six stamps. If you do, you have done well.

Posted by: lailaj at April 25, 2008 7:55 AM

TW@8.15pm: No need to choose a time/place which suits me for any Bloggermeet. I'm just about over this whole rsvp thing. BTW you do seem to be confused. I have never been to Perth and have no relatives there.

Posted by: hinterlandlover at April 25, 2008 7:38 AM

On your first date always be careful about what you wear.

I remember a date I went on when I was young.

She turned up in a cardigan and comfy slip ons and skirt, straight out of the Lutheran church at Kingaroy (she was a country girl)

I had my usual rig for the venue I told her we would be going to- leather jacket, stove pipe pants, long pointed shoes, Elvis greased hair, bike chains, flick knife, razor blades etc

I felt so embarrassed by what she was wearing I had to hide her in an obscure coffee shop all night.

She said “What did I do wrong?”

These days, seeing I am only looking for someone to pull a four wheel drive out of bogs with her bare teeth, I am happy if she turns up in Army pants, camo singlet, Army boots (just like me Mother used to wear), webb belt, tatts and butch skinhead. You just don’t want to be too particular what women look like these days, and it is Anzac Day

Posted by: captthunderbolt at April 25, 2008 7:36 AM

Virgil you expect women to fit themselves in to your footy life? And for the Eagles?!?!?! Good grief.

Good luck with that. Cricket, Golf, Fishing or Cars, it doesn't seem to matter what the sport is, there's a 'widow' somewhere who bears the brunt of obstinent refusal to re-arrange their priorities every now and again.

Virgil, if you want to include footy and your dating life I suggest you get yourself a seriously cool chick who values you almost as much as her beloved football team and then arrange a date when her team is playing yours.

I once did that with a former AFL player, when his team played my team in the pre-season cup final. We watched it from our post-coital bed. It made screaming, "Ball!" at the TV sooooo much more enjoyable. And enjoying the spoils of the victory lap was fun as well.

Now, keeping in mind that as a newbie to this site I'm not supposed to say anything tooooo controversial, how did I do Virgil?

Posted by: guiltypleasure at April 25, 2008 6:32 AM

Redgem

Very good profile, nice photo's

Popcorn fights during slow movies?

Do u get many complaints from other movie goers?

Posted by: virgil at April 25, 2008 12:33 AM

Welcome to the blogs Corey

I have changes my view of kisses following discussion here over the last few days, likening a kiss to a wave, therefore there is a good chance that a kiss will generate no response.

However, for an email, that has been requested to also draw no reply, to me that seems rude.

I dont think your 2 non-replies would be representative of the general RSVP population, therefore I would keep trying.

Posted by: virgil at April 25, 2008 12:25 AM

In the Customer Support blog where no-one but complainers and blog addicts ever looks, lonelyheart44 posted this gem at 11.35pm on April 22:

"How many people have met someone that you have really liked to just find out that they have very recently just come out of a relationship?

Why is it that a lot of people find themselves attracted to someone that is not really available emotionally?

Also, after being on the dating scene for a long time and meeting many potentials for a relationship, why do we also find ourselves not connecting with the available?

Could it be that we ourselves are not ready, maybe we are the ones carrying the emotional baggage, and are only drawn to the possibility that we won't be smothered by too much attention that we ourselves are not ready for?"

What do you reckon, friends?

I'm too tired to kick it off. Friend's funeral today and then another on the phone with problems. I need some sleep. Good morning, youall.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 25, 2008 12:03 AM

Thank you Perth for putting the opposite viewpoint to mine so vehemently. (9.26pm)

Hey, I'd agree with you completely - in the case of a woman who was looking for platonic friends only. In that case, displaying a bit of the merchandise in her RSVP profile would give off completely the wrong impression.

But if a woman's looking for a friend who will with luck later also become her cotmate, it's definitely useful to signal that part of her agenda PICTORIALLY.

Marcus could just have said earlier that most women are literate and ear-learners via the words, but too many men are only picture-it eye-learners - especially when skim-reading at speed.

They need to see something arresting, to brake them from high-speed soft-focus skimming, down to detailed-inspection mode - let alone right down to a standstill, so they can actually read any of the words.

A personal example may help to explain this. I first saw the love of my life (so far) at a party at the home of a mutual friend in 1960. Most of thirty Uni students aged 17-25, crammed into a small flat. Standing room only.

Gave her a very quick glance. Unstyled light-brown long straight hair. Strong-boned square face behind very thick glasses. No visible makeup. Thick short neck. Late teens probably.

About 5 foot 4 tall and probably about size 12 or 14, all carefully hidden away inside a loose beige high-necked ditch-digger shirt, hanging outside baggy poplin slacks of similar colour. Monotonous monochrome.

"Looks like a determinedly asexual bluestocking" I thought. "Certainly not worth chatting up."

As the night wore on I talked with many people in turn. After about 3 hours, most had got too drunk to converse interestingly. As you do.

I'd come with Anny, whom I met again for lunch after half a lifetime, in Melbourne 2 months ago. "Want to come out for a walk?" I asked her. "Can I come too? asked Joan behind my elbow. "Everyone else is drunk and boring."

We three walked a mile or so to the riverbank near the Regatta Hotel, sat on a seat for a couple of hours, looked at the ripples on the water and talked about everything. As you do.

And her intellect hooked me. So much so that getting ready for the following Saturday's weekly party, I sang in the shower so loud that my brother rubbished me in through the bathroom door..

It was Joan's words that landed me. Because I had to listen to them. Which fellers just don't do on RSVP.

Give them something interesting to notice PICTORIALLY, or forget it - unless you're as good-looking as TLD, or as notorious as you were yesterday, Perth.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 24, 2008 11:34 PM

Hi all
Completely new here - and after reading a few entries, I must say I feel like a child (which hasn't happened for a few years!). I've noticed (outside RSVP) that most people my age don't seem to be looking for the same things I am - most just seem happy moving from person to person every few months. I haven't met one girl who wants to just take things as they come, or who wants to be with the same person six, 12 (or more) months down the track. So my best friend convinced me to try the online thing, where it could be made clear I'm not looking for a quick fling with some random girl from the club - and they could know a bit about me before we even begin talking.

I've sent out a few kisses - what have I got to lose, right? The worst thing that can happen is that I'm ignored by someone I've never met. But, lo-and-behold, I actually got a reply! By this time, I'd read the "if you send a kiss and get a reply then you send the email" - which just seemed like common courtesy anyway - not to mention the reply was one of those that asks for an email. So I bought some stamps, figuring at the least I'd have a good conversation with someone new - but it turns out the least is to not get a reply to an email at all - on two separate occasions! At first I thought "OK, no worries - if you don't want to reply to something you knew was coming then I didn't really want to know you anyway". The next time, after sending a kiss and getting the "awaiting your email" reply, I made it a bit lighter (not that the first was a full-on serious email anyway) - and still no reply.

So, what are you supposed to say in that first email to encourage a response? The kiss didn't ask a direct question, so I said a little on what I thought we had in common (what was in her profile that caught my attention in the first place), then asked her about herself, said I was looking forward to a reply - and no response. What do people expect in a first email with nothing as a starting point? It's not like in person where you can just say "hi" and strike up a conversation.

Anyway, I'm most always light-hearted and optimistic - this just has me a little confused on the whole "expressing yourself online" (and, to a lesser extent, internet etiquette).

Posted by: coreyw88 at April 24, 2008 10:51 PM

Ah redgem to have your confidence..............K

Posted by: auntykaz at April 24, 2008 10:41 PM

I say "if you've got it - flaunt it! And I do daily.
Cheers all!

Posted by: redgem65 at April 24, 2008 10:22 PM

We have had the cleavage discussion before l think, but laminperth l am with you on this one......
Why on earth would someone who does not generally show cleavage do it here??...

Or anywhere for that matter??

I for one prefer not to show my boobs, that is just me, and certainly don't on my profile pictures, so suggestions that l update with a few boob shots would be taken with the disdain they deserve, no matter who made the suggestion............K

Posted by: auntykaz at April 24, 2008 10:18 PM

Good on you Amberlight !

One of the very good new friends I have made through the blogs recently became engaged to a man she "kissed" last year.If she hadn't taken the plunge she might still be here !!!

Congratulations Sue and Gavin :))

Posted by: jenjen57 at April 24, 2008 9:47 PM

Showing cleavage in photos is a load of rubbish if that's not how you normally dress. Dress like you normally would for the situation you are photographed in. Be yourself and if someone likes your photo that's good, flashing boobs is ridiculous if you are not into that in the first place and what for, you are not there to amuse men, you are there looking for an equal partner.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 24, 2008 9:26 PM

Oh, Amberlight, that's sweet. I actually almost always sent kisses...I don't have a visible photo and i'm 55, so I figured hardly anyone would be looking for an invisible middle-aged woman. Whatever good nick you say you are in. Anyway, I would send a kiss with my photopassword. It had the advantage that I chose the blokes too...so I had a high success rate because I "kissed" guys who liked women like me. I thought it was the best method...it saved me from sorting through heaps of kisses I didn't want ... blokes are visual and I suspect that they'll respond to what you look like without thinking about who you might be. So keep kissing...it doesn't matter if they don't respond, they will never know who you are anyway. Woman power is what we want in this situation ... go for it, Amberlight!!!

Posted by: waterbombe at April 24, 2008 8:33 PM

Hurray, amberlight - well done! Hopefully it will just get easier and easier now you've taken the plunge and empowered yourself!

Posted by: malsie at April 24, 2008 8:27 PM

Hi Karina,
Just a thought. I have 4 children and while 2 of them still live at home, the others don't.
I notice you don't have an option that says "1 child living at home", or "2 children living at home", etc.
For some people a woman (or a man for that matter!) with 4 children, all still living at home may be a bit too much!!
Are you able to modify this at all?
Thanks

Posted by: amberlight58 at April 24, 2008 8:21 PM

Troy @ 10.53am, re BLOGGERMEET at Twin Towns: So glad you agreed with my proposal at 12.15am last night - let's do it!

WHERE? Yes please - would you look for a couple of suitable venues? The Twin Towns are your territory. Maybe 6 to 15 people for drinks and dinner and then fairly-late-evening coffee.

WHAT TIME OF WEEK? A Thursday night, to suit both Hinter and traffic. You're right, now I think of it - it was she who said she works weekends, not you too.

TIME OF DAY? I'm hoping to get a carload at least coming from north of the Big Vegas River, so I'm thinking that hitting Cooly for drinks about 7.30 or 8pm and then eating at 8.15 or 8.30 would be about as early as the hardest-worked wage slaves would be able to manage.

DATE? How about either May 22 or 29? That a problem for anyone?

CONVENOR? Troy, I see that you're still overwhelmed with processing all the kisses from the last time you rashly unveiled your profile for a few frenetic minutes.

So I guess I'm the logical one to co-ordinate the contingent from BrisVegas, as I did in January. OK with everyone?

RSVP deserves their cut, so it's the usual deal - a stamped email to me with your direct address will get you onto my contact list for final arrangements.

Troy finished with "I hope this doesn't mean I have to be nice to you in the meantime?"

No mate - give me heaps, as often as you can find time. I love it.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 24, 2008 8:18 PM

I sent my first kiss today and RSVP bloggers, it's thanks to your advice and differences in perspectives that gave me the courage to do it.

A few months ago when I first joined RSVP, I was way too "scared" to even contemplate doing such a thing.
I just didn't feel comfortable and it all felt very alien to me.
So blogging regularly and learning new ways of looking at life, has increased my confidence one hell of a lot!!

I have also learnt that I shouldn't take it all personally and get dejected if I am rejected or ignored, or to have too higher expectations, which is why I think I was game enough to actually send a kiss in the first place!

I don't expect any great things to happen, but I guess my chances of meeting someone nice may improve, now I have actually been game enough to put my toe in the water.

So thanks everyone, I very much appreciate ALL your comments and advice!

Posted by: amberlight58 at April 24, 2008 8:13 PM

Hey All,

This thing about sports....I played every form of contact sport that you would want for years...great stuff....couldn't get enough and played often with bad injuries. Participation is what its all about.......watching it bores me shitless; its living vicariously through the lives of others.

I would rather go out and do other things these days; my playing days are over...and so is my interest....apart from the gee gees of course; thats just good fun!!!

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at April 24, 2008 8:06 PM

laughsalot71 at 11:26pm 23rd: Very sorry I riled you.

I believed you wanted a larger stream of local males sending you kisses, so I asked myself - what could you change in your profile, that would be expected to get more 30-something provincial fellers to want to check you out, and maybe send you a kiss?

There are 3 things anyone can do:

1) Seriously misrepresent yourself ? No way - makes you finish up looking like a lying cheat, because the first meeting gives you dead away.

So you don't say that you're not a smoker, for example, if you do it all the time.

2) Put the best spin on current reality? Definitely yes! eg. several people suggested you remove the photos that were most aggressively inyerface. And they gave a few other helpful hints, to present the real you at your most attractive - and least threatening to the better-than-average local male that you deserve.

Marcus is usually way out on left field, but I reckon he's on the ball here. I've read in several women's magazines at the chinese takeaway that big girls should show some cleavage most of the time.

Sure it annoys other less well-endowed women, but far more importantly, it sharp-focuses most blokes eyeballs, so they usually don't even notice the rest of your shape. And if they do, they don't care much.

Worth including one fairly modest but definite cleavage shot, I believe. That's what I'd tell my younger daughter (considerably wider than you, or even me), if she hadn't been happily married for the last 11 years. Had coffee with her at sunset Tues, for her 33rd.

3) Change yourself in the long term, not for reasons of fashion, but for your own better health and happiness. And score the fringe benefit of becoming attractive to more people.

I lost 15kg easily in 4 months in 2003 (down from 110kg to 95), by following a diet I'd worked out myself, after reading a dozen modern scientific diet books, and combining their best bits.

Wrote up my method the next year in a book I called "How to lose weight without getting hungry"

Haven't starting marketing it yet at $10, but a stamped email will get you a free-and-post-free copy out of my small trial run, with my compliments and best wishes.

My ex. gave up smoking completely at 25 when she was expecting our first. Had previously cut down from 40 a day to 30 one year, then to 20 a day the next year.

She found it very hard to give it right up, but was so glad that she had - it gave her so much more energy, once her lungs were working unimpeded.

And she was still 100% exactly herself - just the new improved model that she was even more proud of.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 24, 2008 6:45 PM

Hi femalepersuasion,
Thanks for letting me know. We are looking into your problem. In the feature please send those issues to customer support as they are the ones handling any site issues.
Have a nice long weekend
Cheers,
Karina

Posted by: rsvpproducttest3 at April 24, 2008 4:09 PM

Karina, I have replied to every kiss and email that I have ever received, and yet my "reply rate" percentage according to RSVP is only 85 % ( I am given these stats at the top of my profile).

There are two (2) people that I am unable to reply to as their profiles are hidden. It appears that their intention to hide their profiles has a direct influence on my reply & and % reputation.

If possible, could you explain the reasoning behind these statistics?

Posted by: femalepersuasion at April 24, 2008 3:52 PM

There are a lot of blokes, who on weekends claim an interest in footy that goes to a bit of an ear out on the radio, whilst doing other things.

Others, myself included organise autumn and winter weekends around the footy, still leaving adequate time for dating, especially in the off months of October to March.

Posted by: virgil at April 24, 2008 3:43 PM

firelightlady at April 24, 2008 3:00 PM
Cool about the motorsport.
I do a bit of CAMS circuit racing too and am building a new car.
I've left that out of the profile too; it seems to be on the surface anathema to a lot of women.My ex thought she hated it, only loved Collingwood but was buying me race tyres for my birthday in the end.
Haha
Cheers MS

Posted by: laughsandtalks at April 24, 2008 3:37 PM

Marcus, I agree it could happen that by keeping an open mind you may just develop and interest in something you hadn't previously. I also realise there are lots of positive benefits to sport and was being just a touch facetious in my comment below because it's just not my thing.

However, there was one football match I inadvertently did get interested in once. Yes, Virgil, it was one that the Eagles won a year or so - now, as it really isn't my thing I can't tell you what the match was, but it was some sort of final and a really close match. How I came to be watching it in the first place is a total mystery to me, and I was on the edge of my seat by the end of it -totally confused by my behaviour.... (it was an aberration that has never re-occurred, but gave me a taste of what it must be like to actually give a... damn, about a match outcome!)

Posted by: malsie at April 24, 2008 3:04 PM

Please don't recommend the fake sport option too much... I compete in motorsports and found that most guys hate the fact I am often better than them behind the wheel - hence I took it off my profile. Let's just not mention the archery or extreme camping!

Fellow RSVP ladies - please don't fake anything, but do give different things a go, who knows it might take your fancy, just be honest about it.
Fishing is a closed papery thing to me but I would give it a try in the right company, mainly because I love to cook seafood!

Posted by: firelightlady at April 24, 2008 3:00 PM

troy, that is a compelling argument.... yes, the beer afterwards, now I see the light... :)

Posted by: malsie at April 24, 2008 2:46 PM

Perhaps you are correct virgil. I don't have adequate hand eye co-ordination and, though i've tried, I tend spill too much beer whilst playing touch footy to make it worhtwhile. So I save it till after. I greatly respect your abbility to organise your sport and associated vital liquid refreshment however. Part of the reason I used to love racing on yachts was, after battling up the first windward leg it would be up with the spinnaker, down with the headsail and crack open the beers in order to re-hydrate prior to the next leg to windward. It's great to be a affalete!

Troy

Posted by: troyohboy at April 24, 2008 2:38 PM

laughsalot71 at April 24, 2008 11:37 AM "Marcus - Sport, I just can't feign that interest and be honest to myself and the person who would be sitting beside me however I could take a book along with me but it would defeat the purpose of 'doing something together'?"
OK. Ok. I hear all that negative stuff.
What I was getting at as well, is this. You may meet a bloke who participates in something competitive and get along to watch him at it and Become Really Interested and meet his friends and get involved. It really does happen and works well. I will spare you the personal accounts.

Boobs. Now these are the females advertising hoarding.
Despite what a lot of the girly girl whackers who try to feminise male perspectives tell themselves, they are primarily NOT mammary glands but an integral part of sexual signalling and partner attracting.
Use em for what nature intended, guilt free.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at April 24, 2008 2:19 PM

laughs&talks @ April 24, 11.12am...

I can only speak from my own experience, Marcus.. about forcing/pretending an interest in something.

- My ex-husband was a devotee of motorbikes. (& for all you guys whose photo includes your baby.... he had, in succession, a NortonCommando, a BSA & a Harley).

I never had a problem with that.. I could understand his interest.. even though personally, I loathe them.

- I do mosaics, amongst other things, & create things out of fabric, cement, plaster & wood.

He did, however, have a problem with this.. I was being 'anti-social' if he wasn't included in an activity.. if he had no interest in it, he would make it uncomfortable for me to pursue it.

My point?

I was expected to share ALL his interests.. including going on rides with him.
Whereas I never expected him to share all MY interests.

This became a bone of contention.
I refused to go on rides.. athough I was more than happy for him to do so with like-minded friends, at any time he wanted.
He refused to accept my reason for not sharing his interest.. (that I think them noisy/dangerous/helmet-head-wobbling).
The continual snippy inference was, that I should..
..what..?
..simply give in, & force myself to engage in an activity I hated?

I wasn't going to force an interest, Marcus. Why the fook should I?
The very last thing I want, is someone who needs to share EVERY interest with me... how suffocating.
If I wanted that, I'd go out with myself.

Oh! .. hahaha! .. I guess being single is doing just that!!

Have you ever forced an interest in something to attract more kisses, Marcus?

.. perhaps in the vein of finding yourself "unexpectedly finding something interesting & worthwhile" in some activity you've always disliked?
.. like .. umm ..
.. embroidery perhaps?

Somehow, I doubt it dear.
hahaha..

Posted by: decoratress at April 24, 2008 2:03 PM

The beer afterwards Troy?

What about before and during? Both Live and TV games.

Attending a game at AAMI is pretty much an all day committment.
8.00am go and by the paper & read about the game
9.00am to 10.00am get ready and a bit of time on the blog

11.0am on the train to the city
12.00noon get on the bus too AAMI
12.45 Arrive at AAMI and secure decent seat
1.00 to 2.00 a few before the game drinks
2.20 to 5.00pm the game
6.30 approx arrive home and watch the replay if we won, watch the Bill on channel 2 if we lost.

Posted by: virgil at April 24, 2008 2:02 PM

I have never had a partner interested in sport, so it wouldnt bother me, My 2 major partners never had a problem with my interest in sport, that is jumping on a bus to Subi Oval, this could be Friday night, Saturday anytime or Sunday anytime.

There was one short term partner, wh just didnt get it that the Eagles played at any of the above times, who used to complain about our dates fitting around the footy games.

She would like to have a Saturday evening date, say every Saturday, or maybe Friday evening, every Friday.

Timing of footy games is quite specific, and non negiotiable, so dates are organised around the Eagles (Crows) games.

If partners are OK with that, there seems no need, in my mind for a partner to be interested in sport.

Posted by: virgil at April 24, 2008 1:52 PM

Posted by: malsie at April 24, 2008 11:50 AM

Wash your mouth out!!!!! What about the contest, the striving against one's opponent, the sweet thrill of victory, the shattering despair of defeat, the crushing of those who oppose, the destruction of all they stand for....pant! pant! Sorry got a bit carried away. mostly it's the beer afterwards haha.

Troy

Posted by: troyohboy at April 24, 2008 1:17 PM

With the greatest of respect to all those on here who I know love their sport.... "worthwhile and interesting" in the same sentence as "sport" is an oxymoron to me... I'm with you there, laughsalot, and decoratress - it just isn't worth the pretence!

Posted by: malsie at April 24, 2008 11:50 AM

Hi Lyn and potential newcomers.

Don't allow yourself to be intimidated by anyone's behaviour
on these blogs. Keep an open mind and a sense of humour and jump in.
Welcome to the cess-pool.. oops I mean gene pool..no I mean sandpit.

Estelle

Posted by: enrepres at April 24, 2008 11:42 AM

Thankyou to all who have looked and commented on my profile (some got the changed version). Wow, I never realised just how many people read the blogs and don't comment (just like me).

There are way to many variables of translations in profiles and if we tried to cover them all and offer explanations for every answer, we could all appear very long winded profiles.

WnW - I got quite a few lookers like you hinted I might.
The big one about smoking - I smoke everyday but am not a chain smoker, I actually smoke about 20 a day (approx 1 an hour - not a heavy smoker compared to smoking a packet a day 40+) so I chose regularly, as it seems that smoking is not a social event these days.

Marcus - Sport, I just can't feign that interest and be honest to myself and the person who would be sitting beside me however I could take a book along with me but it would defeat the purpose of 'doing something together'?

It is rare that people get photos of me, let alone see me dressed in tight, bust bearing clothing although I could understand the 'sexual appeal' it's just not me and it would most likely be something they would never see me wearing again.

Religion - maybe there should be an 'ask me more' option as I could put the religion I was baptised with but then to me that tells someone that I believe in religion, let alone the one my parents gave me. Not on my list of prioirities although I do have values and morals.

Again thank you for all the suggestions and offers of what people translate from a profile.

Posted by: laughsalot71 at April 24, 2008 11:37 AM

FP.
as always polite and honest. Not all kisses are sent for the purpose of contact. Also they know that the profile is different to that asked for, some are sent to let people know, they agree with the sentiments shown in blogs, without having to post. It seems general concensus that the bloggers would like more flexibility in the kiss area. Hopefull Karina is working on it. Isn't it great to see all this sweetness and light working, though those who do not add a h to the om lose a lot of resonance
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at April 24, 2008 11:25 AM

decoratress at April 24, 2008 12:52 AM
I could have phrased a little more clearly.
The 'force' was a little tongue in cheek jibe at the profilers fairly male intimidating demeanour dear...
Pretty big part of life in the bush is sport/socialising and with the right feller she might not have to force herself; she might find something interesting and worthwhile in it.
Just a positive thought.
Re the extrapolation- I think by default most dutiful boyfriends and husbands endure enough eye glazing participation in 'her' activities for it to be unfair that more deliberately be organised as punishment.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at April 24, 2008 11:12 AM

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 24, 2008 12:15 AM

Sounds funky old boy, and saves me spending $60.00 for a stamp. I'm all aquiver with anticipation. Location and day works for me, Twin towns and surrounds only 10 mins from me. I'll even check out a venue if you like, plenty of options around Cooly. Don't know where you got the impression I work weekends. My business does but I don't, too many years of having to. I hope this doesn't mean I have to be nice to you in the meantime?

Troy

Posted by: troyohboy at April 24, 2008 10:53 AM

Hi Bob, I so totally agree with your Post: notgodsgift at April 24, 2008 12:35 AM
I have always got the impression by many who comment on these blogs that they expect a reply to a kiss, or even an email. These people seem to be saying that they have an unwritten/ unspoken expectation that they are to be replied to, on the premise that to initiate contact. I( & other RSVP ers) am supposed to feel indebted to individuals that I do not know for the mere reason that they have contacted me. The majority of kisses I receive are from men that do not in any way fit into the criteria that I have said I am looking for..then there are the men that I have notified by a return kiss that I do not want any further contact and yet keep sending kisses.

There is such a thing as subtlety, which to me is somewhat graceful and altogether mature..if any one sends a kiss/email and does not get a response it is best not to analyse too much..who knows why they didnt respond..it could be because of any number of infinite reasons that may not even have anything to do with you.
To have expectations with what is acceptable in this regard is judgemental and controlling...if its not..it certainly comes across that way to me.

Posted by: femalepersuasion at April 24, 2008 10:21 AM

Lurkers

In the old days of MiRC, all people in a particular channel, would have their names in a sidebar, to be seen by all. Non contributors who looked in on proceedings made people a bit suspicious of their purpose.

Hence the name lurkers came to be, a fairly non-complimentary name.

Th situation here is totally different, where no one can see who is here, so people viewing need not be called lurkers.

It would be great for many more people to add their thoughts to the blogs. I think the more varied viewpoints we have, the more we can all learn.

Some prospective bloggers may possibly be put off, by the personal attacks sometimes seen here, and so my advice, for what its worth, is to join in, and be non-controversial for a while, until you find your feet.

Posted by: virgil at April 24, 2008 10:07 AM

Welcome Lyn

There is an important phrase to always keep in mind:

If it is too good to be true, then it is too good to be true

If you have someone pissing in your ear with all the platitudes, telling you everything you want to hear, stop for a moment and ask yourself why.

Keep your wits about you and keep your bullshit detector switched on and finely tuned.

Alternatively, you could always ask them if they are only after one night. Though they won't likely admit it, they may back off thinking "How the hell did she know that?" :)

Cheers

Posted by: stoic at April 24, 2008 9:45 AM

goodmorning iamin perth,

It sounds as if you have a very special friend there & one that makes you laugh, how devine. Thank you for sharing with me & I hope you tell your friend how much he means to you also. I am glad to hear im not the only one who takes things slow, savouring getting to know him first, I think strong foundations make for a solid future, you smart girl! well done & all the best.

Posted by: joyfulencounters at April 24, 2008 8:46 AM

laughsalot - well, you should get plenty of lookers at least after all these comments. I thought your profile read pretty well, although I only saw it today and understand that you have changed it a little. The only comment I'd like to make (at the risk of annoying some people) is that smoking is a big turn off for a lot of people and being a heavy smoker will probably reduce your audience.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 24, 2008 7:42 AM

Hello, well as a newbie ( and lurker) have come out of hiding. Am so glad most of the negativity has subsided, much easier to come onboard.Mind you have become addicted to reading the blogs and enjoyed them.
I have looked at many profiles from here and enjoyed putting faces and personalities to the coments.
I have had quite a few contacts and always take the view that nothing ventured nothing gained, but also dont take it all too seriously either, just another way to meet new and interesting people, especially here in blogland.
But......1).how do women deal with the quiet peditores , the charmers who realy are just out for a meaningful one night. and
2) has anyone had much success with a long distance encounter.
Cheers,
Lyn

Posted by: lifebegins47 at April 24, 2008 2:35 AM

laughs&talks at April 23,10.58pm...
"Forcing yourself appear a bit interested in sport will help too".....

I couldn't believe I was reading that, Marcus!
hahaha... wtf?

So, am I to understand... that rather than be herself, & honest..... you're advising a pretence be made (which, incidentally, was big enough to require "forcing") in order to attract more kisses?

From men who will soon discover this person's lack of interest, & the lie?

...& the point of that is?
...to waste everyone's time?

Or do you also advocate that the pretence is carried through indefinitely, & this person should sit through sporting events which bore her rigid.. in order to 'keep her man happy'...?

By extrapolation... do you think a man should "force" himself to "appear a bit interested" in activities which make his eyes glaze over, but which women may see as pretty important social & recreational activities for them?

Posted by: decoratress at April 24, 2008 12:52 AM

Hi All,

Kiss replies....the bane of so many lives!! I totally get the politeness issue but I think that when we judge people on issues such as this we are looking at life through our own selfish (yes, selfish) perspective....we are not all the same nor have the same experiences.

Jeez....if the biggest deal in your life is stressing over a non reply to your kiss....you really need to get a life!!

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at April 24, 2008 12:35 AM

Troy @ 5.18pm wrote "Oh, decreped time warper, is it the best you can do to attempt to place me with the aliases and multi bloggers. Not a very christian act however not surprising.

When you come down from on high, and I am in Brisbane, as I occassionally am, I'll spend the stamp to organise a get together, perhaps a hit of tennis, a coffee your call big guy. Perhaps we can get woodwine to moderate haha. Troy"

Troy, I'd love to meet you in 3D, but I don't want to be greedy, so Ive got an even better idea:

About 2 months ago, Hinterlandlover and I were talking about a blogposters get-together somewhere near Twin Towns.

That would be nice and close for you, and about equidistant (timewise) for her coming up from behind Byron, and us coming through the heavy traffic down from Brisvegas.

I'd suggested car-pooling from my place near Garden City, and offered space for up to 3 passengers in my ancient Laser wagon, if anybody dared.

We got as far as thinking that a Thurs evening might be the best, because you and she both work weekends, and the Friday evening traffic south from here is impossible.

Then she went to Perth to visit family, and Sydney Bob and I joined the Melb. blogposters' big marathon boozeup (we ate too - Cambodian banquet lunch and then Italian dinner.) Somewhere about then, the idea got sidetracked.

How about we organise that now, for about a month ahead?

I'm off tomorrow morning to the funeral of the friend with the sudden brain tumour. Been on the blogs most of today to distract myself, but will have to work the rest of tomorrow. So I'll look for your reply tomorrow night.

Seeya then.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 24, 2008 12:15 AM

Hi all,
I've been on RSVP since late 06.
I've meet a few people. 1 I had never heard from again, 1 I had dinner with, it turned out I had meet her the week before at a singles dinner she sent me a kiss but she didn't recognise my pic, no luck there.
2 others who I met but they didn't respond to my emails, message of phone calls. One woman even sent me a kiss over a year later so I contacted her only to have her ignore me.
I've had 40 odd no thanks and 80 ignored completely.

Knock backs can be disheartening but I found the best thing is to log off and get my mind on to something else.

You have to be prepared to tough it out.
People are the same on here as they are face to face.
Some are nice, some funny, some smart, some are rude, stuck up.
People are different.

Most people will go on looks 1st.

I know this all to well so I don't go in with high expectations.

If you're lucky you will come across someone who is a bit deeper than that.
It might take a few weeks or a few months.

Just be realistic.
Like I said. People are different.
But given today's society and the way people treat each other poorly it is even easier to do so
online because you don't have a breathing person in front of you.
Don't expect everyone to reply. You just set yourself up for disappointment.

Chris

Posted by: chris261 at April 23, 2008 11:59 PM

Hello Joyful, My walking partner is away until next Sunday and I miss him. What I miss most is he makes me laugh, he's funny without trying to be funny. He's actually so serious he's funny and when he realizes he is being so serious he laughs. He makes me laugh, I think I should write that in my profile...Wanted a kind lovely man who can make me laugh. He is just my walking partner though, but I still miss him. He sent me a picture of himself on his mobile so that I don't forget what he looks like complete with new haircut...he's a funny man.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 23, 2008 11:48 PM

Perth @ 10.45pm: Not obsessed with you at all, ducks. If you wore a figleaf - Freudian slip - if you were a figleaf instead of a figment, maybe I could work up some enthusiasm for you.

Far simpler explanation - every time you take a potshot at me, I return fire. That's what the script demands of characters with our particular back-stories.

I explained that in a blog last week, and how it allows any scriptwriter or team of scriptwriters to walk in and write ongoing credible dialogue for us glove puppets.

Goodnight sweetheart.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 23, 2008 11:37 PM

TW & Iam Thank you for the suggestions, the feedback is appreciated.

Iam - To be translated as 'flailing in the streets with my tongue poking out chain smoking with weird hair' was rather funny - ty for the laugh.
I have done a little editing and am no longer flailing in the streets with my tongue out and noted a few other changes. I have left hair colour as is, as I tend to change it alot but have mentioned it further in my profile.

TW - I read the blogs regularly and have seen what happens here. I did ask for suggestions and all will be taken on board as just that.
Many may want a certain image but I am who I am and yes I can/could change but it would need to be for me. One minute I read about being honest in profiles (which I believe I would rather see in mine and others that I read not who someone was five years ago) so I use the options given to me on this site, for who I am now and stated yes I smoke and I'm not a sz 8 so I have used the little overweight. I have used single as I was divorced 7 years ago and have had a relationship since then and no longer consider myself as divorced or separated, so I'm a single mum, the closest option to that is single.
I believe I am telling people who I am now not what I was or may want to be in another x amount of years, just as I am looking for someone who appeals to me now not what I think they should be in the future.

If we put everything about us in a profile, there would be nothing to learn more about or maybe I have it all wrong and because I don't fit someones ideal mould on how society thinks everyone should look, I should just 'alter the truth' to lure males in.. I think not (not for me anyway), I'd rather stay forever single if that's the case because it's just not the way I work.

Posted by: laughsalot71 at April 23, 2008 11:26 PM

"a few months ago I had the arduous task of sorting through 2 Kisses....."

Posted by: notgodsgift at April 22, 2008 11:33 PM

Good on you Bob, that made me laugh : ))
BTW Have my pics hidden as I am too busy with work and uni assignments during uni break. Most bloggers know what I look like.
Real life is OK right now, so not bothering with RSVP particularly..
S

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at April 23, 2008 11:08 PM

laughsalot71 at April 23, 2008 8:11 PM

Fair query as to why you are not getting enough attention. You have a pleasant face
and sound like a stable, well brought up gal.

You need to appeal a bit more to men's baser instincts. Organise a picture of yourself from the last 2 or 3 years showing you standing doing something in reasonably tight clothes, and another top half one showing the shape of your bust and or cleavage.
Response to these is not prima facie evidence of male degeneracy but a key part of sexual signalling, especially with the boobs, of getting a man's attention.
Personally the 'other' (?) for religion is a bit of a worry and the smoking is not a turn on.
Forcing yourself appear a bit interested in sport will help too. Most blokes will read your neutral comments as code for damnation with faint praise an a disendorsement of what might be pretty important social and recreational activities for them.
OK Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at April 23, 2008 10:58 PM

laughsalot71, had a peek of your profile and you asked for comment so here goes....

Seems to be a very honest description of yourself, with no pretence, your family oriented views are well put......

The pictures could do with an update, you often will hear references to outdated photo being a pet dislike, so apart from the main one, maybe ditch the others and update.

Smoking regularly and admitting it is an honest description and is better than saying you don't smoke then light up on a date, so at the very least that shows an honest assessment of that on your behalf.

Your profile is well fleshed out, but possibly your personality may be a bit daunting for a guy to initiate contact.........

Feel free to take a gander at mine if you like, and any other profiles of other women for hints / tips, not that l think mine is great, but sometimes it helps to see profiles about others and maybe take things onboard from them. Hey, also feel free to tell me to go jump, if you like........Good Luck to you though...........................K

Posted by: auntykaz at April 23, 2008 10:56 PM

Hi laughsalot,
had a look at your profile after reading you asking for advice. I dont see anything wrong with what you have written. It made me smile when I read that you put your hair colour as other because you keep changing it. I do wish you luck on this site & who knows one day we may see you on the successful stories section instead of here.

Posted by: joyfulencounters at April 23, 2008 10:49 PM

Hi, iminperth,
would like to say thank you for the compliment & I hope many more walks for you & your new male friend. I would also like to comment on what you said about returning a kiss to find the person no longer available. I have had a simular experience except this guy sent me an email & then took his profile off sight, go figure. Well Im sure they have their reasons even though a little puzzling to us.

Posted by: joyfulencounters at April 23, 2008 10:45 PM

Tw Why are you so obsessed with me ?

Posted by: iaminperth at April 23, 2008 10:45 PM

Laughsalot: I've just seen Perth's at 9.33pm. All excellent advice and worth considering. When she's being positive or playful, she's a champion.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 23, 2008 10:34 PM

I suppose everyone gets curious at times looking at other peoples profiles, checking out how they look, their views of themselves. I guess the hardest thing is to actually portray how you see yourself and sometimes it can be a bit of awakening when you fill in the other interests column and start to think, now what do I really do? I think people just get curious, it's not at all harmful.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 23, 2008 10:32 PM

ynotalice, just jump in and comment. Sometimes its hard to see the wood from the trees, for want of a better analogy, however the lurkers are not the ones you need worry about....
There are some here with different profiles, but trust me you soon get used to that, and it is up to you whether you respond to someone or not, but heavens, don't be shy....we all were there once and most don't bite.........well not much anyway.......but you get that.....................K

Posted by: auntykaz at April 23, 2008 10:16 PM

laughsalot71 at 8:11pm: I'll try to be brief, for once in my life. Please excuse me if that makes my comments seem blunt.

1) Regular smoker sounds like heavy smoker to me.

When I married, my fiance was smoking 40 Kents a day. Nowadays I'd cross her off the list at first profile glance, so I'd never have a chance to meet her and fall under her spell.

2) This generation's media campaign against obesity is fuelled by the advertising dollars of the weight-loss industry. It's aimed mainly at women, but most young blokes have also been brainwashed to believe that obese women are not sexy.

And if you're dating one, your yobbo mates are pretty likely to rubbish you, thoroughly and often. Unhelpful peer pressure.

3) Compared with your excellence in many fields, there are not many men who come past beta. Very few young men of any age would have enough self-assurance to feel able to cope with the power of your personality as profiled.

Even if they kept you barefoot and pregnant, and especially in the part of the bush where I come from.

4) Single with 2 kids is too little info for some people. Separated? Divorced? Single to me means never married, and if so, good on you.

5) Read between the lines. I wish you were most of twice your age, down to 65-70kg, not smoking, and living within reach. Then I think I'd be intimidated too, and wonder if I deserved you. But I'd pluck up my courage and have a go. Best of luck!

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 23, 2008 10:04 PM

Then you just aren't trying hard enough, Wishful :)

And what other reason could we have for putting our photos up? I just assumed they were up there for people to look at and go "Gee. What a mug on him" :)

Posted by: stoic at April 23, 2008 9:53 PM

I personally think the online dating thing gives us massive freedom of choice and very easy ways to get to know a little about the person contacting you. It also gives us the choice to remain anonymous if we choose and to continue to the meeting time if we choose. I have found that usually by the first e-mail I have thought this one is nice, or not, the second I have definitely made up my mind and then usually the first conversation will seal the deal whether to meet or not. I think it's a good system and not one where you can get locked into spending time with someone you don't particularly care for or having someone follow you around spoiling an evening for you. All in all I think it works but just be a little realistic about it, there are some strange people on dating sites and there are also strange people not on dating sites. It's just a case of not being silly and getting caught in a situation that is not to your liking. I don't have any problem saying thanks but no thanks, what's the point of dragging anything out.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 23, 2008 9:46 PM

Laughsalot - you did ask for suggestions so here goes. Firstly, although you are only being yourself it may be a bit scary to think of being with someone who is likely to throw themselves in the street smoking like a chimney with their tongue stuck out.
First suggestion remove that photo, it's awful. Second suggestion don't throw yourself in the street, it's overwhelming and must be very scary for the people passing by.
Third suggestion try to cut down and eventually give up smoking. Fourth suggestion in Other interests, list them don't just tell other people what to do. I am sure you are a really fun person, genuine and fun to be with but portray that and add a few more things to your profile. By the way also, your hair colour is not other - it is a light brown or maybe a dark blonde. List your interests, besides crashing in the street and sticking your tongue out - it's too scary and intimidating by far.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 23, 2008 9:33 PM

Stoic, your photo is up there for ridicule??? Damn...all this time I've held off :) Hahaha shame they are too nice to say anything nasty :) But you know me..could always invent something!

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at April 23, 2008 9:33 PM

auntykaz at April 23, 2008 9:11 PM

That's what I would have expected but have seen some posts that indirectly paint lurkers in a negative light. This, and some of the larger than life personalities, can make some newbies (like me) a little hesitant about posting.

blondebiped at April 23, 2008 6:16 PM - Most of the profiles I have responded to have been sans visible photo so if I don't get access to someones picture after the first exchange, or on subsequent request, I begin to wonder how authentic the person is and tend to say thanks but no thanks.

Posted by: ynotalice at April 23, 2008 9:30 PM

bm1960 @ 8.55pm: I also like to see that people outside my demographic have had a gawk at my profile. Suggests they think I'm saying something worth agreeing with, or else the reverse, which is also good.

Even better if they then say something on the blog themselves. We need a larger cast of entertainers here. Many hands make light work.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 23, 2008 9:19 PM

ynotalice, l think that most people who voice their opinions here are well accepting of the fact that people look at us and it doesn't worry me at all...........K

Posted by: auntykaz at April 23, 2008 9:11 PM

Biped l would be a wee bit suspicious if l got no password to a photo, particularly after a few emails.....
As says the ever sensible stoic, one would think common courtesy would prevail, and l would take that one further and say it would be an honest thing to do.... however some have a problem with that as we know......
The best thing really is our own instinct, it may take a while to kick in, but can be the only thing we can rely on, sadly so........K

Posted by: auntykaz at April 23, 2008 8:59 PM

I actually like to see 'lurkers'sneaking a peek at my profile....I do it too...my original suggestion a few months ago about signing off with age/sex/location was shot down in flames....but it would make it easier for casual viewers of this soap opera to have a bit of an idea of who is saying what...
Cheers,
B.
47/f/syd :-)

Posted by: bm1960 at April 23, 2008 8:55 PM

One would expect it to be common courtesy that if you are sending a kiss to someone you would include your password if your photo is hidden.

Of course I used to state in my profile that since I had my photo up there for ridicule, it was only fair to include your own photo/password but still got several with no password.

And if they email straight off, again you would hope they would include their password. If not, all I can suggest is emailing back asking for it saying you want things on an even footing.

Posted by: stoic at April 23, 2008 8:43 PM

What is the worry about non or occasional contributors peeping at profiles of bloggers to put faces to personalities? This is an open forum on a dating site, and i would think it would be expected.
On the recent tangent to the blog I will always reply to any correspondence, be they kisses or something more meaningful, but have learned not to worry about those who don't respond. Just put it down to experience as it will happen more than once.

Posted by: ynotalice at April 23, 2008 8:41 PM

Perth @ 7.44pm: Hey, don't get your knickers in a knot. You're barking right up the wrong tree.

When I wrote that very sincere compliment to Mr Svengali this afternoon, I was thinking once again of Shakespeare's "As you like It," which I'd mentioned last week along with "Antony and Cleopatra."

I was actually thinking again today about the bit towards the end of As Y.L.It, where Prospero the wizard gives us a clue about his magic: "... this insubstantial pageant" ... "built out of the thin air ..."

Yes - built right up to No 1 in the top 100.

And built out of thin air, lass, not built solid, as you were inferring.

Why would I ever be rubbishing a few extra feminine kilos? Around 16D over 18 is my favourite size, for Eros' sake! Somewhere round my match, because I'm size XL.

So don't bite the hand that fed you, mate - thank me for the free publicity today that got "her" there, right into the winner's pictureframe. Must go have a look.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 23, 2008 8:36 PM

This may be a little long winded but I need some suggestions..
There seems to be alot weighed on the 'kiss' situation but what do you do if you rarely get to the kiss in the first place?

After being on RSVP for almost 2 years and someone who rarely receives kisses let alone gets to a date situation. (of the kisses/emails I have had, one actual date that just wanted bedding, one fizzled after the phone stage and another fizzed after two weeks of emailing - his work was too busy to meet)
I decided to try a little experiment on myself by hiding my picture to see if there was a different outcome. For that 2-3 weeks I had a few more lookers but still no kisses or better responses, so I unhid my photo, if I'm not accepted at that stage then those people aren't someone I would like to spend time with anyway..

I think I'm a great person and this is backed up when I do go out dancing or whatever I can strike up a conversation with anyone and I am a fun person to be with (my friends keep telling me this) but how do I portray that further on a profile?

I do send kisses out maybe 2-3 a week and get the 'seeing someone else' or 'no thanks' responses. I do have stamps and even got to the point early this year that I sent out emails instead of kisses otherwise RSVP was going to take them anyway as I was not a RSViP member then.

I am not in a capital city but there is a population here of 60,000 people and I recently read that in the country there are double the amount of single men than there are women so where are they all and why can I not even get one to have a cup of coffee?

Besides being me what am I doing wrong?

Posted by: laughsalot71 at April 23, 2008 8:11 PM

blondebiped , if they don't send the password then something is wrong.

If they are not hiding for some reason such as being married or really being 14 year old schoolboy then the arrogance of " Even though I know what you look like, you can just wait until I decide you are good enough before I reveal myself" is very off putting.
Occasionally they have just forgotten to tick the box with the password, so ask for it and then you will know where you stand in order to decide .

Posted by: thelynathdiary at April 23, 2008 7:56 PM

And congrats on being No 24 on the over-48 all-Australia female Top 100 that day, "Perth."

"For someone built like you, that's a real achievement, eh? I honestly congratulate you. And that's no bull. Well done." That was TW earlier on today, it's no wonder he is on his own he's so nasty.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 23, 2008 7:44 PM

yes, happy birthday Jenniferhi

Posted by: thelynathdiary at April 23, 2008 7:37 PM

People are naturally curious. I am. I like to take a look at the people who voice their thoughts and opinions on this blog. Both the males and the females. Sometimes I'm quite surprised by what I find.
So not lurking; just curious.

Posted by: enrepres at April 23, 2008 4:31 PM

Me too Enrepres so I apologise now to anyone I might have offended by checking them out!

Just to put my bit in about this topic, I'm fairly new to online dating and must admit I found it a bit weird at first. Now I'm used to it and really enjoy it as I've met some great guys.

But just to go back to what one of the regular bloggers here said earlier...it does only take 3 mouse clicks to say a "thanks but no thanks" and no matter how many kisses I've got and how many limited minutes I have (and believe me, they're limited!) I always make sure to send some sort of a reply. The way I see it is that if they've taken the time to send you a kiss, take the time to at least acknowledge them.

Rach xo

Posted by: rach1980 at April 23, 2008 7:29 PM

LailaJ @ 5.09pm: Welcome to the gang of many, including the ones I mentioned in the quote that you repeated. And including inter alia (that's "amongst others" for those who missed my year of Latin at primary school) the "fellow-travellers" that I was saving to mention later, but my frequent discussion antagonist TLD did list, at mid-afternoon today.

Let me explain for the actual newbies: We have 2 resident comedians here who change their single profile now and then - recently-returned Eric, whom I first met as the fotographer, and the un-named Marshall, who was already neuroticfish when I came aboard, and whom I met in person at his suggestion, in Brisbane on Saturday night. He's called Earl by the old hands, after his first monniker.

They can both be negative - in a amusing way when sober. And can be full of information in between. Mainly full of wit and fun.

Then there's Marcus, who laughs and talks a lot. Think of a biology textbook, with the chapter on human male genitalia in 3D I-Max and stereophonic sound. Stirs the PC ladies frequently and unmercifully, and usually humourously. Another fun bloke, except when at his unhappiest.

Last but very far from least is Mr Svengali from Brisbane. I won't breach internet security by revealing any of his full name - that would be totally churlish, and spoil all the fun.

He is multi-talented - an inspired scriptwriter and an able puppeteer. Master of many dialects, and inventor and manipulator of many puppets,

Just about as good as Frank Oz I reckon, and also has his puppets talk in metaphor codes that only a few people can understand. Just to add another layer of complexity to his performances.

That's why his puppets have such different dialects and personalities. And to fool you even further, he tells RSVP that they have different ages, genders and home states, as well as different RSVP call-signs and different real email addresses.

It's entertaining for those in the know. For example. I just sent "Perth" a long chatty post on a blog this evening, as if she was a real person. Just as I crossed swords with her about a few things a month or so ago. It's all entertainment for the scriptwriters and the audience.

And I'll reply to Troy's at 5.18pm, when I get back from dinner with my mates - late, because my next first-date just first-phoned and we chatted for quite a while.. Gotta zoom - seeyez.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 23, 2008 7:26 PM

Yes, if they email you they should send a password...ask them for it...but don't put a lot of store in photos. Woodnwine, for example, is a very attractive man, but I would have declined contact (if I'd ever been asked) if I'd looked at his photos...they have no appeal to me. However when he came to the Melbourne Bloggers Meet he looked (to my eyes) entirely different and WAY better looking than his photos (Just giving you a plug here, WnW, put the check in the mail). Luckily he never sent me a kiss or email so I didn't have to learn my lesson the hard way....bad girl, WB!!! God knows I deserve it for not answering all those kisses!!!! That's why I'm still single!!!!

Posted by: waterbombe at April 23, 2008 6:52 PM

Hello....I haven't had a proper chance to keep up with the blogs this past few days....I must have missed a fair bit! At least when I stumble across The Bold and the Beautiful on telly a couple of times a year, I can keep up....everyone just keeps marrying someone in their family! The blogs are much more challenging to follow.
I enjoy it....
Cheers,
B.
PS...I hope Jenniferhi is having a fabulous 50th birthday... cheers to you Jennifer.x

Posted by: bm1960 at April 23, 2008 6:37 PM

RE - the whole is it good manors to respond to a kiss or bad manors to ignore a kiss...

For me, I respond to all kisses and emails... its just me, its not about being polite or not. When I send a kiss, all I care about is if I get a positive response. I'm not hanging around waiting for a negative response - regardless if it might come or not.

The whole thing could be solved if RSVP simply had a "kiss read" indicator, that shows that a kiss you've sent has been received and if the lucky receiver bothered to read it. In three days time, if the kiss is read, but no response - assume they are not interested.

For the guys, if a girl doesn't respond to your kiss, harden the f... up. Its the same as being ignored at a bar, club, supermarket or anywhere else you choose to attempt to meet someone.

On other advice regarding online dating - have an open mind, do not constrain yourself to some very specific ideal. Peoples profiles are only a tiny indication of their personality and life. The fun part about dating is learning about people.

Posted by: hotdc at April 23, 2008 6:33 PM

Yay - No. 1 Cheers for all the 'bit overweight' oldies on the site. Thanks Kaz, for the nice comment.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 23, 2008 6:28 PM

Hey Y'all, with these hidden photo thingies, if someone emails you does protocol suggest they should send a pass word. If not in the first one then when is reasonable to expect them to provide it?

Also, have a topic suggestion. I just discovered my boss is on the site and as I've have noticed a certain reticence amongst most folk about admitting they are here (all those hidden pics) was wondering if this had happened to others.

Posted by: blondebiped at April 23, 2008 6:16 PM

Hate to disappoint, TW, but Perth is now no.1. Well done Perth, like the picture by the way...........K

Posted by: auntykaz at April 23, 2008 6:07 PM

troy, could well have been - but never to excess, naturally :)
Agree, yes, it is a subjective thing, but if you're getting inundated with "kisses", perhaps there's a few other women who agree with me?

Posted by: malsie at April 23, 2008 5:55 PM

lalaj...the heeelllloooo!!!!!!! comment is pretty funny...well spotted.

Posted by: waterbombe at April 23, 2008 5:48 PM

I wouldn't worry about it Troy, now we have pointed out what's happening TW will suddenly meet the most interesting stunning woman who will bowl him over with her intelligence, wit and charm just to prove a point. After a while of this bliss it will comfortably part, amicably of course with loads of love because of some dohey girly thing and then it's all back to the same old, same old.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 23, 2008 5:45 PM

Actually i think online dating is great....when you learn to sort the good guys from the bad ones. Both men and woman need to do that because the bad ones can really burn you. There is plenty of good advice earleir on this blog about how to do that.

Posted by: waterbombe at April 23, 2008 5:33 PM

Laila, the arrogance is unbelievable isn't it...writes like a bitter old woman as well. Keep your skates on Joan and keep running !

Posted by: iaminperth at April 23, 2008 5:29 PM

Or maybe, Perth at 3.13pm, the old blokes can still see you, but they like a girl with a bit of shape to hide her ribs.

All this thinness stuff only came in with Twiggy, to sell diet foods, drinks and pills, exercise equipment and liposuction etc to as many gullible insecure females as possible. Before then, Pix-worthy girls had some shape. Like the girls in Picture to this day, who are even heftier. A lot heftier, like most of us these days.

You got to Number 2? I must congratulate you - it's so rare for anyone admitting to being over 55 to get into the over-48 female top 100 at all, let alone up there on the dias. Good work.

I hope it leads to many more happy 3-some walks with usual dog and newest road-test man, along each of the beaches from Freo to the one with the facility that our local Underwater World was copied from.

First time I ever walked under a stingray and could photograph that too. Capped off a very happy beach-crawling day, all the way north from Freo. Better than the quokkas, or the ruins of Yanchep - spoilt since the first of my periodic visits to Perth in 1959.

Peace and love.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 23, 2008 5:28 PM

I would love to have a long table, a lovely heavy timber one and when I eventually move again I will buy one. I like to cook and I love the idea of a long timber table with heavy timber and leather chairs and good food and company. At the moment I have a circular glass with marble base and it has seen some good dinner parties but not the long timber table more relaxed ones. Something to work towards when I eventually get small acreage somewhere.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 23, 2008 5:23 PM

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 23, 2008 2:39 PM

Oh, decreped time warper, is it the best you can do to attempt to place me with the aliases and multi bloggers. Not a very christian act however not surprising. When you come down from on high, and I am in Brisbane, as I occassionally am, I'll spend the stamp to organise a get together, perhaps a hit of tennis, a coffee your call big guy. Perhaps we can get woodwine to moderate haha.

Troy

Troy

Posted by: troyohboy at April 23, 2008 5:18 PM

When you sit down to dinner tonight at the long table with room for even more extension leaves, beside Troy and aliane and oohlala and justsaying and Klay - and some other fellow-travellers that I won't mention at the moment, because you know how short Troy's reading attention span is -

while you eat the soup that oohlala has been stirring so lovingly, try to think up some better insulting adjectives please. Some "nice hot curry" rather than just chicken-shadow soup.

TW please explain to me why every person who does not have the same view as you becomes an alter or all rolled up into the one person...all the above people are very different, do not write using the same style, semantics or vocabulary and are from different parts of Australia. No one is that good...not even Earl...everyone has been on to him within one new alter....or not that many men are over 6ft3ins and hail from Brisbane.
TW maybe you should take some of teh advice here from these people and you may have more of a success rate:))JMO

Posted by: lailaj at April 23, 2008 5:09 PM

Perhaps perth it is some tricksey blogger getting their jollies, nothing would or should surprise.

Troy

Posted by: troyohboy at April 23, 2008 5:05 PM

Poor dears, looking for a better life. If I was a reject anglo male who couldn't find my match locally, I might even be interested.
by TW....hellllllloooooooooooooo!!!!!!!

Posted by: lailaj at April 23, 2008 5:04 PM

People are naturally curious. I am. I like to take a look at the people who voice their thoughts and opinions on this blog. Both the males and the females. Sometimes I'm quite surprised by what I find.
So not lurking; just curious.

Posted by: enrepres at April 23, 2008 4:31 PM

PS to Virgil - or did I post it here? Obviously time I had a bite of lunch and hit the road. 40km for 2 goods pickups where I don't run accounts. Seeyez all.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 23, 2008 3:19 PM

I just received a Kiss with a would really like to get to know you but then when I try to take a look there is a hidden profile. Does that mean the person had a woops moment and pressed the wrong button, or his wife walked in, bit of a weird one and hasn't happened before. Just curious has anyone else had that...maybe someone who's very shy...can't see the point of sending it in the first place

Posted by: iaminperth at April 23, 2008 3:18 PM

Thanks Jewels, I was wondering why all these people of all ages were having a look at my profile. I have changed it now but have to wonder why it is only just appearing now. Pretty funny really for a 58 year old whose profile states honestly a bit overweight. Apparently I got to No. 2. Must be a lot of old blokes looking who need glasses, lol.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 23, 2008 3:13 PM

virgil at April 23, 2008 1:53 PM : Just replied to that thought on the degrees of women blog.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 23, 2008 3:11 PM

Troy

Thanks mate, for the good wishes and the advice.

Posted by: virgil at April 23, 2008 3:06 PM

To those who confuse my proven-effective dating methodology with my out-of-fashion emphatetic unselfish values: I quore Waterbombe @ 1.09pm: "I did enjoy meeting so many different people, whom I would never normally meet..it was fun..."

Me too, WB. Enjoying my 100-plus first dates (and up to half a dozen dates with several of the most-likely-sounding lasses) have combined with my three wonderful new permanent RSVP friends without benefits, to make me comfortable about keeping on enjoying looking, till I find someone sufficiently mutually suitable for the long haul.

Especially hopeful about the next in line, who's just had a couple of stitches where it shows - 2 excellent emails back from her already. Keenly awaiting her self-revelation, once they come out.
..................................................................

WB again: " But some people see a date almost as a committment to a relationship...they want you to remove your profile after a meeting..you need to be careful about those differences too."

WB: I'd go further and say "you need to be careful about those PEOPLE. Usually deep into power-plays and possession."

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 23, 2008 3:05 PM

Troyo @ 12.56: That's what you always say to me, when I get a bit near the knuckle. So I'll know it's you. Only the byline changes, from month to month.

Enjoy your dinner tonight with your imaginary friends, and please discuss putting another leaf in that table. Don't know about our readers, but I'm getting a bit bored with the same old puppets, mate.

No. Won't have a poppapause this arvo thanks. Think I'll wander off and earn a bob, before the Tony Robbins video and then dinner at a Club with 15 or 20 real live Dabbler friends, including 3 from Tuesday night tennis.

PS: re 1.25pm post: Please tell "Perth" at dinner that Joan did a runner because she feared I might go broke in the '92 recession, and wanted to save her half. Asked me to try to stall it off for at least 2 years, so they couldn't come after her.

And don't forget peace and love, "Perth". See yours of the 22nd, quoted in mine at 12.24pm today.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 23, 2008 2:39 PM

Maisie, got distracted by other stuff in the blog, as you do. Thank you, I am flattered but believe beauty is in the eye of the beholder and perhaps you had been drinking. haha.

Troy

Posted by: troyohboy at April 23, 2008 2:20 PM

Stop being so obvious virgil. You old dog you :-) Good luck to you and your someone special.

Troy

Posted by: troyohboy at April 23, 2008 2:17 PM

OK, TW I have seen you mentuion the top 100 a few times in the last week or sooo....interesteing...I have also been on the top 100....3 times in the last week, I didn't know about it until I got emails from blogger mates to tell me I was there.

Surprised, as I am in some kind of cheerleader type contest at my age!!!!!!!

Sooo, what does being in the top 100 do for you??? just curious, as heaps of people, male and female have looked at my profile recently...and I thought they were reading the blogs!!!!!!!

Iaminperth - I found that it is in your account settings, so I have changed mine to not be included in the list in the future.

Have a lovely arvo all...jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at April 23, 2008 2:12 PM

BlondeBiped

Yeah I guess thats the way we pick up the lurkers, by the amount of same sex people checking out our profile.

I think that also is true of people from interstate checking our profile.

If it wasnt for the blog, I would never have met some good friends in Adelaide and Melbourne and someone special from another place.

Posted by: virgil at April 23, 2008 2:00 PM

TW

Having read your meeting and dating guides, I have to wonder about your success rate.

If I played social tennis, or even maybe bowls, I would expect a certain success, and couple that with your dating frequency, I would think I would have found what I am looking for by now?

My preference is for the slower, more targeted approach, where I may be happy to speak to one person for weeks by email, getting to know them. Particularly if that person doesnt live in Adelaide.

Posted by: virgil at April 23, 2008 1:53 PM

TLD and others: Thank you for your honest feedback. I need to say that I am delighted with much that's modern, especially some of the things that you mentioned.

And especially the increased interpersonal openness and honesty that may have come out of the T-groups in California in the late 60s. I went to one at Qld Uni in the mid 70s, run by their Psych. Dept, so not conducted with us all naked in a hot tub. Changed my life for the far-better, in one long weekend..

But I was also very happy with a lot of the good manners of the past, provided that they were based on kindness-to-every-human, rather than just being party tricks to separate the snobs from the hoi-polloi. Traded those anachronisms in, when I bought my black jeans at 20.

I hoped that civilisation would continue to justify its name by embracing the technology of the future, without abandoning the previous official societal attitude that all people are worthy of the same consideration that we would like to receive from them - the "Do as you would be done by" bit.
..............................................................

That's my philosophy, and I'm happy to accurately describe as barbarian, any behaviour or person who falls short of that unselfish criterion. Including many more in generation X I believe, than in my generation - where I admit there were already far too many for the common good.

I can't help being two-eyed about this - actually considering the feelings of the individual person on RSVP who is legitimately trying to meet others for one or more of the declared purposes for which RSVP exists,

as well as understanding the feelings of precious princesses of either sex, totally disgusted at the magnitude of the barrage of unwanted kisses they are receiving from armies of opportunistic toads, who are each hoping that bodily contact with a princess would en-noble them in some way - and thus maybe even provide the princess with her prince. (Yes Marcus - after they had kissed.)

Let's just agree that my approach is based on two-eyed empathy with others, founded in Jesus' teachings, and yours on one-eyed convenience and time-saving, based on unmoderated selfish self-interest.

By their deeds shall ye recognise them, here like everywhere else. You go your way which identifies you, and I'll go my way, which may just appeal to some old girl who shares my old-fashioned values. OK with that?

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 23, 2008 1:44 PM

Its going well, blondebiped. When you blog, a lot of people of both genders and all ages look at your profile, constantly. They are just interested to put a face to a name, I guess, I was, I had a peek. Lots of people read and don't post...I don't know why...c'mon people, join in...we need new opinions on here!

Posted by: waterbombe at April 23, 2008 1:42 PM

Waterbombe

Likewise, I had never seen kisses, as a wave of the hand.

This might account for why I rarely send them, maybe a change of perspective, might see me send more kisses.

Posted by: virgil at April 23, 2008 1:40 PM

No wonder poor old Joan did a runner!!!

Posted by: iaminperth at April 23, 2008 1:25 PM

It seems there're a few lurkers on the blog.

Either that or a lot of women have all independently decided to check out my profile.

Hey, ladies. How's it going?

Posted by: blondebiped at April 23, 2008 1:15 PM

Wishing us peace and love doesn't hide all those judgements you make, TW. I'm not going to bang on about kisses anymore, but "manners" never have equated to a "conscience"...you have that confused. TW, if you have things so entirely sussed, how is it you have been on hundreds and hundreds of dates? Why don't you listen to a bit of advice instead of handing it out constantly? Change your mind, try a new approach...you might get better results.

Yes it is interesting Virgil...I never saw kisses like you did...so there you go, we see kisses differently and we see the rejection of kisses differently.

We might also (just possibly?) see dating differently...I did enjoy meeting so many different people, whom I would never normally meet..it was fun as blondebiped mentioned. But some people see a date almost as a committment to a relationship...they want you to remove your profile after a meeting..you need to be careful about those differences too.

Posted by: waterbombe at April 23, 2008 1:09 PM

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 23, 2008 12:34 PM

I think it's time for your afternoon lay down old fella, you're getting overwrought. haha

Troy

Posted by: troyohboy at April 23, 2008 12:56 PM

I don't know what anyone is talking about with the top 100. I don't like that aspect of the site and have never asked to be part of it and certainly wasn't aware that I was.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 23, 2008 12:54 PM

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 23, 2008 10:12 AM

TW, what is it with people like yourself who hold such lofty views. You get so huffy when your views are commented upon and a different view is presented. You then, invariably, get personal. Good grief old fella, have a look at yourself, re-read my post and get a grip. For the record, I don't think kisses from third world countries count, I doubt they are genuine in wanting to know you as a person. Perhaps I'm wrong and you feel flattered. Good for you.

Troy

Posted by: troyohboy at April 23, 2008 12:48 PM

She'sinPerth said at10.58pm on 22nd:
"I have met some absolutely wonderful people on this site and have never had any problem with anyone"...."I have no idea why some people are being so negative when if you look for the positive that is what you will receive." Bravo!

And congrats on being No 24 on the over-48 all-Australia female Top 100 that day, "Perth."

For someone built like you, that's a real achievement, eh? I honestly congratulate you. And that's no bull. Well done.

Did you learn the new sweetness and light from OG? Use some Ommmms?

But today by 10.02am your recently-forgotten usual previous critical-parent ego state was returning:

"... TWs dogmatic domineering posts .."

And by 10.46am: "To flick each person off with a 10 second reply seems rather irresponsible to me and displays an unnecessary arrogance and very unsympathetic view of the other person."

"Perth", you're just saying that to me in the hope that it will make me cross, so that I'll bite. Same as Troyo was just saying rude things to me on the other blog.

When you sit down to dinner tonight at the long table with room for even more extension leaves, beside Troy and aliane and oohlala and justsaying and Klay - and some other fellow-travellers that I won't mention at the moment, because you know how short Troy's reading attention span is -

while you eat the soup that oohlala has been stirring so lovingly, try to think up some better insulting adjectives please. Some "nice hot curry" rather than just chicken-shadow soup.

Just for fun - we have an audience to entertain, and they enjoy a bit of a spat.

Peace and love to all at your table, and to all our dear readers.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 23, 2008 12:34 PM

Bill at 10.12 am.
Undoubtedly you have a part point, about the overseas ladies wanting to get us "Victors" with "One foot in the grave" involved with them, or any man that will offer them a chance to get to this country. I do not consider myself a "reject anglo" and if I found an O/S woman that wanted me enough and I wanted her enough I would not hesitate to accept her, I am not a young romantic or snag, and am realistic enough to know what is what. I have several friends who were "reject anglo's" including relatives who have gone down that path, and they are happier than they ever where with the local ladies. For all the wrongs of the creator of Alaine, the piece posted on the asian "come on" was totally on the spot and correct . To each his own old mate.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at April 23, 2008 12:33 PM

Lovely sentiments Joyful. My last meeting was joining me on the beach walking my dog. Spent a lovely couple of hours wandering around and will definitely be meeting this person again. No pressure, no expectations, just a lovely meeting and great company.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 23, 2008 12:24 PM

Yes, it is a generational thing, and my profound sadness at seeing the progressive disappearance of what you called "lovely gentle ways of relating to people" sometimes causes me to speak out against the values of the young barbarians who are perverting our previously-humanitarian culture, and turning it into a Gordon Gecko wasteland of self-centred greed, easily-broken relationships and short-changed children.

I'm sorry if that offends you and your ilk.

But never mind - we'll die out soon, and you'll have no-one as our culture's discomforting voice of conscience.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 23, 2008 11:19 AM

Timewarp, such a generalisation there....implying that younger generations are barbaric??....

Progress being what it is Timewarp, communication is bound to change from the letterwriting and telegram days of old.....

The very fact that we are here communicating in this manner is proof of that particular pudding.

You yourself go into great detail in regards to explaining your own method of getting meets from ladies that you contact here....

You make it sound like anyone younger than yourself has no manners and no hope........l would like to think that you are a bit more openminded than that...................K

Posted by: auntykaz at April 23, 2008 12:22 PM

WnW, I was talking about emails. And yes it does get challenging responding to all. As stated ad naseum now, I don't generally respond to the kiss thingies (sorry TW).

Also as stated ad nauseum, I think those auto replies are unmannerly, tis not a generational issue just a difference of opinion.

On topic. I had five dates last week all with very nice people. It's fun meeting new people that you would not in the general scheme of things come across. But then I'm not looking for some mythical 'the one' so maybe my priorities are different.

Posted by: blondebiped at April 23, 2008 12:12 PM

well timewarp it does seem u know how to put a lady in her place, I am very sorry if i pressed some of your buttons or opened some of your wounds, I honestly did not intend to do that. I would however like to elaborate on a few things.
1. I find it incrediably romantic & exciting recieving corrispondence & if we look through history we can note at one time writting to each other was seen as correct etiquette at the beginning of the courtship(just call me old fashioned) I love to write & love the written word).
2. As for grabbing for money & what I can get.....I usually ask when I first meet someone to go some place the guy does not feel obligated to put his hand in his pocket. The art gallery would be the place my ideal partner would choose & so incrediably magical!
3. I do think it does take time to get to know another person & spending time together is great also..........& do like to meet a person in the flesh, but hey I am in no rush, been there done that & found it very painful for both of us when the realisation hit we are just not suited. I do try not to make the same mistake twice, life is far to short for that.
4. If a man is not great at typing....open honesty is great!
5. I dont understand why people are ready to stand in judgement of another just because they think differently. Live & let live. Why another person did something is not how we always read it & unless you ask that person & they can be completly honest then you may never understand why. Sometimes people just change their mind.
6. I have meet some really lovely people on this site & would like to say thank you for sharing some of your thoughts, time with me (yes especially in writting). The others I will not comment or even focus on but I do hope the universe opens you to better possibilities & soon.
7. I am very sorry if I have offened any one by just being me I did not intend that when first I decided to put my thoughts on this blog.......I just love to write!!!!!!!!!!

om shanti

Posted by: joyfulencounters at April 23, 2008 12:05 PM

timewarper - I think most of us can understand where you are coming from and when I first joined I used to think a bit like you do ... but time mellows most of us and I for one now take non-replies to kisses easily in my stride. OK, sometimes you get disappointed ... but it's only a kiss, you haven't met them yet. It's not like you know them and then they suddenly decide to ignore you. I think sometimes your approach, whilst systematic, can be a bit pragmatic.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 23, 2008 11:41 AM

Thanks Virgil, You're a true gentleman !

Posted by: iaminperth at April 23, 2008 11:29 AM

Virgil, It's the same on the outside world, some people are welcoming and happy to see you and other people are cold and ignore you when they feel like it. It's all good, who wants to know moody dismal people anyway. Another time these same people are jumping all over you. For me I would prefer to be acknowledged all the time or ignored all the time at least you know where you stand. Cooked beef wrapped in proschiutto with creamy garlic potatoes and roasted vine tomatoes the other night, along with a couple of glasses of WA red, it all went down very well...yum!

Posted by: iaminperth at April 23, 2008 11:22 AM

Its great to get other viewpoints, other perspectives, on things.

Sometimes these things can be useful in our life outside the blog.

Some time ago, the phrase "financially secure" was raised here, and the variety of viewpoints was staggering.

Amthing from being able to afford the coffees, to afford a meal for 2, up to what I had thought it meant, as being a paid off house, and enough super that you didnt need to work.

Posted by: virgil at April 23, 2008 11:21 AM

waterbombe in 2 posts this morning: Thank you for that really illumenating concept - that sending an RSVP kiss is no more a communication than waving towards a stranger.

I'd contest that.

OK, let's be pragmatic. A girl does always have to pretend that she didn't see the probable predator pervert flagging her. Never take the slightest risk - suburbia's a savage jungle, and you can't ever be too safe.

I'd like to discuss another analogy instead - the woman on the park seat who dropped her hanky a century ago, just as the hunk was about to walk/cycle past. I reckon that's your RSVP kiss.

And I hope RSVP speaks to you very severely about discrediting their main modus operandum.

Now hear this: A kiss is an attempt to get someone (or if you're an opportunistic player, anyone and everyone) to look at your profile, and then decide what to do about the contact you've just made with them.

If that's not an ATTEMPT at communication, you have me bamboozled.

For your information WB, there is a field called communication theory, and what you call communication, they call a communication loop, defined as closed only when the sender KNOWS that the message has been received AND READ.

Which requires a response which is congruent with the message, eg. a reply of "yes please" or "no thanks" to an offer.

..............................................................

Yes, it is a generational thing, and my profound sadness at seeing the progressive disappearance of what you called "lovely gentle ways of relating to people" sometimes causes me to speak out against the values of the young barbarians who are perverting our previously-humanitarian culture, and turning it into a Gordon Gecko wasteland of self-centred greed, easily-broken relationships and short-changed children.

I'm sorry if that offends you and your ilk.

But never mind - we'll die out soon, and you'll have no-one as our culture's discomforting voice of conscience.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 23, 2008 11:19 AM

blondebiped - it's indeed sad that some people feel the need to send nasty responses to emails .... aren't we all supposed to be adults? A bit of persistence maybe is one thing but rudeness is unacceptable. And I was talking about 30 emails, not 30 kisses. I couldn't imagine anyone being in email contact with 30 potential partners at once. If they were then I would imagine they would be so confused they couldn''t give anyone the proper attention or concentration needed to get to know them. That's why I think this whole thing should be approached reasonably slowly and somewhat carefully. If you send out lots and lots of kisses (as we probably all do in the first week or two after we join) how do you mentally keep track of what is going on?

Posted by: woodnwine at April 23, 2008 11:18 AM

Aw, shucks Virgil. No need for that. I'm a big girl and am more than happy to accept others opinions of my actions.

Not enough to change them, but imagine the tedium if everyone agreed with each other?

Posted by: blondebiped at April 23, 2008 11:12 AM

Perth

It is good to see you back here.

Posted by: virgil at April 23, 2008 11:11 AM

Not quite 30, but I do find it hard to keep track of who I have and who I haven't responded to.

For certainly i'll get flamed again as conceited but it really is tricky responding to an email that just doesn't resonate. I have done a few times and got the bitchiest responses.

A favourite so far was being hoist on my own petard with Q: What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? A: a mosquito stops biting when you slap it.

Posted by: blondebiped at April 23, 2008 11:03 AM

Blondebiped

My comments were too much for what you said, so I apologise.

Its interesting how kisses are thought of as like a wave of the hand. To me it seems like a more specific invitation, person to person.

Are kisses devalued because they are free?

Posted by: virgil at April 23, 2008 10:59 AM

waterbombe @ April 23, 9.28am...

Good post on communication versus manners!

Yes, the former requires two, & a kiss is merely a wave.. an invitation to communicate.

Some will respond, some won't, for every reason under the sun.
Sometimes it will be an issue of manners.. for others it won't seem impolite at all.
I think this depends, in part, on their upbringing.
My parents' generation placed far more importance on formal manners & etiquette, & for many of us, Manners (& the reasons for them) were 'drummed into us' early. Today there are different perceptions & fewer 'official' guidelines, & our views have been expanded by life experience.

I, personally, take no offence at non-replies to kisses (& I send very few).. I don't necessarily think it's bad manners.
But I still appreciate it when someone takes the time to respond, even if it's in the negative. I do the same.. just my personal choice.

Kiss replies aside.. I firmly believe that 'good manners' oil the wheels of life. They are a choice for all of us.. to display or not. They are available to everyone, cost nothing, & show respect for the other person.

Posted by: decoratress at April 23, 2008 10:57 AM

When a person receives a lot of contact it takes a lot longer than 10 seconds to read thru each profile again and then decide which reply to send. Also there are e-mail contact mixed with these initial contacts which also need replying to at the time. To flick each person off with a 10 second reply seems rather irresponsible to me and displays an unnecessary arrogance and very unsympathetic view of the other person. Also there just may be something in the profile which is appealing to you at that time. Of course, if you just receive one or two contacts, certainly yes, reply straight away.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 23, 2008 10:46 AM

Troy @ 7.51am: Thanks for the honest feedback.

1) My post at 11.34pm was to apologise to "the modern generation" for my old-fashioned belief that

"when a person can't be bothered to spend ten seconds to make the 3 mouse clicks that say "No thanks" to what could be an offer of a lifelong relationship, that's a sign of enough self-centredness to make me and my kind (not you, Troy and Biped) believe that the non-replier is too selfish and/or too lacking in empathy and/or kindness and/or basic good manners to be a likely candidate for a worthwhile 2-way-relationship. So nicer, more-unselfish people, you be warned."

I have exactly the same problem as you, Troy. I get a small steady flood of kisses from export-minded overseas ladies - mainly filipinas from Manila. In a flash I send every one of them the reply that says "sorry, you're not on my shopping list."

So that they'll know to cross me off their wish list, and move on to sending out their next batch of hopeful kisses.

Poor dears, looking for a better life. If I was a reject anglo male who couldn't find my match locally, I might even be interested.

.................................................................

2) Troy, I'm sorrry you find my posts too long. And that I sometimes say something that I already said on another blog a few months before.

I think that's a problem for you, Troyo, rather than for me - whether or not you are just saying it to put me down publicly, like rsviper and the other competitive destructives from the past.

I guess you read a blog from the bottom like the rest of us, Troy, so as to get the posts in sequence.

When you see my byline, I suggest you just fast-forward up past my post without reading it. Then it won't challenge either your values or your attention span. Peace and joy to you, and to our recently-returned friend from the West with the selective amnesia.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 23, 2008 10:12 AM

Emails are very different to kisses ... emails cost time and money. I am also one of those who believes if a person emails you or you email them, then common courtesy is pretty much called for. I've been in the position where women have asked me to email them so I have ... then either no response or a quick hello then no further contact. What is this about? If you've asked someone to email you then please have the courtesy to correspond with them. If you are talking to others at the same time and are undecided, that's perfectly OK but at least be courtious about it. What harm is there in chatting with someone and just getting to know them while you are doing the same with someone else? Then when you decide who you prefer to date, politely tell the other person and wish them well .... instead of just ignoring them? Is it really that hard? Surely no one is emailing 20 or 30 people at once.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 23, 2008 10:11 AM

I guess it begs the question with TWs dogmatic domineering posts ....... How's it working for you ?

Posted by: iaminperth at April 23, 2008 10:02 AM

Thankyou for all your lovely comments, I am glad my profile seems OK. I shall leave it as it is, unless someone else can suggest something to improve it.
I was also wondering if RSVP could consider my request to allowing us 'kissers' to be able to choose more than one box to tick, when sending a kiss. Sometimes I wish to let him know for eg.I like his smile as well as his choice in books etc, thus increasing my chances with him replying and not sounding so shallow with just the smile bit. Are there any others out there who feel the same as me?

Posted by: redgem65 at April 23, 2008 10:00 AM

Good points well said, Troy. If I can add to that... I'm not a fan of judging people by the speed with which they will meet me. When I met my partner, on RSVP, we had both just been involved with someone else (which neither of us knew of course) and it took 2 to 3 weeks of emails etc to get around to a meeting, and then it was only by chance because we both had an hour free at the same time...I had no expectations at all, and was very casual about arranging it. I remember thinking just before going off for coffee...yes, coffee, TW..."Oh, I might as well go"...that's the amount of enthusiasm I had. And there was the loveliest guy I have met. You just couldn't tell from emails and phone calls. If I'd applied your system, TW, I'd still be on RSVP looking for someone. I don't think it pays to be so quick off the mark in making judgements about people.

Posted by: waterbombe at April 23, 2008 9:43 AM

Timewarp, I agree that there is a generational difference in manners. I see that constantly in people 10+ years older than me, who have lovely gentle ways of relating to people. I hope I have excellent manners myself...I try to be friendly, generous, helpful, inclusive and polite to everyone.

But manners are not the point here. We disagree about what counts as communication, not about what counts as manners.You see a kiss as a communication, which I figured out from you saying that when a kiss is not responded to, you feel "totally ignored when I try to communicate with someone".

This is where we are different. I don't see a kiss as an attempt to communicate. I see it as a cost-free signal with the same amount of energy expended as a wave of a hand in real life. And in real life, I don't often respond to a wave from a stranger. I don't see it as a communication...the stranger might have all sorts of agendas for waving at me, some of which I don't want to know about. I choose whether to wave back or not. But the stranger is not communicating with me ... he can't do that until I agree to communicate with him. Communication is a two-way street, by definition. All he's doing is waving a hand...that's a one-person activity...it doesn't require two of you to participate, as communication does.

But this is the bit of your post that I think is more than unmannerly, it's downright judgemental. You come to the opinion that the woman who does not wave back is "supremely conceited ... I know of no polite word or phrase to describe it"
and that she has "absolutely NO interest in the feelings of anyone who isn't of obvious immediate use to her". This is a bit much to conclude about someone who didn't wave back to a strange man. And look at your language...it's fairly mean, TW, if not heavily judgemental. As well.

But, W and Virgil, that aside, do you see what I mean...what we regard as communication differs, not what we regard as manners?

Posted by: waterbombe at April 23, 2008 9:28 AM

Woodwine I have to admit I was tempted to give one person the “wondering if you read my profile” response. But I refrained in the end and simply said flattered but no thanks. I was actually far more offended than flattered. I found it very odd that someone who stated in their profile that anyone who thought going to the gym was fun should be met with derision and contempt would respond to my profile. I make it very clear in my profile that I’m very much into health and fitness and that I have Cert III and IV in Fitness. That means aerobics instructor, gym instructor and personal trainer qualifications.

However it is becoming increasingly obvious that nobody is going to answer Blondie’s question on why people email you, give you a serious of questions at the end, you respond then nothing. Not even a, “holy crap babe, I wasted a stamp on you, I was after someone who was lying on their profile and actually had less not more than it stated.” (being called babe would irritate me but I’d get the message) Or “the more I look at your picture the less I like it.” I don’t know something. I guess I’m old fashioned to, communication I appreciate, positive or negative, I find it allows me to know where I stand, but the ignore thing, no sir I don’t like it. It makes me feel very dehumanised, you don’t acknowledge a chair, or a hat stand, I think human being deserve better.

Posted by: robinep at April 23, 2008 9:24 AM

Actually, troy, I had a look at your profile a while back. In my opinion you are a very good looking man - not "average" at all - which may be a lot to do with why you get so much attention.

Posted by: malsie at April 23, 2008 8:39 AM

troyohboy - if you join RSViP you get this fabulous response: "He is wondering if you actually read his profile".

I agree with your comment saying it is our perogative to specify the type of person we prefer to spend time with and I think this is wherer PC sometimes gets completely out of hand. Why should we get together together with someone we don't want to be with just because of political correctness? I think women are worse than men at this .... sorry ladies.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 23, 2008 8:20 AM

Another issue with not replying to kisses is that you can't delete them from your inbox until you reply to them so you just end up with an inbox cluttered with unanswered kisses. As I said earlier, I don't stress over non-replies but I do reply to absolutely everyone then I can keep my inbox in some sort of order. Just a thought as it only takes a couple of seconds.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 23, 2008 7:53 AM

TW, you repeat blog after blog in excruciatingly long posts, how you conduct your rsvp experience. You are a fan of the quick meeting and responding to every kiss. Everyone, I think, gets it.
Biped can speak for herself but get over the good looking thing will you. I recently had my profile visible, for reasons of blogging recognition and I received buckets of kisses and some emails, without a first kiss? Those who took a peek know I'm just an average bloke. I responded to most, but not all for, I think, valid reasons. The standard responses sometimes just don't seem appropriate Occassionaly, I make a deliberate decision not to respond because the sender has obviosly ignored my requested profile types. Miles younger, miles older, obeses, smoker, 200 klms away etc. Why am I, in your view, obliged to respond to their unsolicited speculator. It is my choice, as yours, to specify the type of person I wish to spend time with. You choose to meet everybody, I choose not to for my own reasons. You are you and I am me. You may be interested to know that 2 of these women kissed me with no comment and, trying to be polite, I responded with a kiss with no comment as well. I then received emails? I replied to their emails with, I'm sorry, you misunderstood but thank you. Both responded with abusive emails because I rebuffed them. It's easier to not respond.

Troy

Posted by: troyohboy at April 23, 2008 7:51 AM

It seems we've drifted back to the issue of not getting responses to kisses. This used to annoy me when I first joined RSVP but now I just accept it as meaning not interested and can't be bothered responding. I don't send out many kisses so it doesn't really bother me but the only problem I do see is ... how long do you wait before writing them off and looking elsewhere? I have had instances where I might send off 1 or 2 kisses, get no response so about a week later I assume no answer will arrive so I send off 1 or maybe 2 more. Then I get 3 or 4 positive responses at once ... this can be annoying and confusing as you then find yourself corresponding with several people at once.

As I don't send out many kisses, this isn't often a big problem for me but I could see that it could be a big problem for some who could suddenly find themselves corresponding with many people at once.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 23, 2008 7:50 AM

Third time at trying to lodge a comment. This is so frustrating. I would like to write here more often, but really what goes on?

iaminperth 10.58pm - I feel the same with you in this respect. I have met absolutely fabulous guys and made some wonderful friends via this site. 5 of them will be at my party on Saturday night. I feel privledged to have met them.

notgodsgift 11.33pm - That is so funny. But you are not ugly and definately not old!!!

Timewarp - I agree with neally all you have said on this subject. Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at April 23, 2008 7:29 AM

joyfulencounters @ 6.30pm on 22nd: I was very interested in the way you want to make each feller jump through a series of alpha-numerical keyboard hoops, before you'll permit him to meet you. Whether or not he can touch-type.

And he needs to pay for the stamp, to kick off that extended email exchange.

IMHO joyful, that sounds to me like the gateway to Gimme Gimme Henpeck City, and I hope you finally get a taker that you won't chew up and spit out.

...............................................................

After 30 years' practice, I still type very slowly (2-finger hunt and peck). But I can talk under wet cement. So I work the other way round.

I ration her to one or two emails to introduce us and swap mobile numbers, and then a short procedural phonecall to check that she hasn't got a buzzsaw voice, and if not, to tee up a lunch or dinner date. (No - not a coffee quickie!)

If she's not ready to meet me after that short lead-up, she's not motivated enough for me, and I cross her off the list. Only two or three of them so far, out of well over a hundred. Gun-shy timid, in their cases. Not my kind of people.

I'm looking for my match, close as possible, and she's looking for someone like me, as hard as I'm looking for someone like her.

She's not making things purposely difficult, and placing obstacles in the way of our first meeting.

..............................................................

Do you dislike first meetings, joyful? I'm a sociable person, so I rather like them. Even if we're not a very good match, meeting a new person is one of my favourite ways to spend a couple of hours.

I eat out 4 or 5 meals a week, preferably in company - and why not a first date?

I tell my prospects that 96% of the hundred-plus RSVP women who've met me so far had found at our first meeting that they wanted to spend at least 2 hours with me, whether or not they wanted a second meeting. (True.)

And that over half of them found they wanted more than 3 hours - and half a dozen who were extra chatty and really hit it off with me, kept talking for 5 hours plus.

If the prospect is happy to sign on for a first chat expected to last for at least a couple of hours, we pick the time.

If not, I say I'm looking for someone who's motivated enough to invest a couple of hours in her possible long-term future, and goodbye.

Because the four I've met so far who wanted no more than a 15-minute peep and then run were all so egocentric that I was glad to see them go.

Joyful, you and I have similar attitudes. We both have high self-esteem, and are interested only in prospects who seem adequately motivated. And we're actually using very similar techniques to pre-qualify them.

The main difference is that you want people to communicate with you by extended emails, in case you might then meet them, while I want to meet them soon, so I can speak with them at length, face to face.

I see this as a far more accurate fact-finding exercise, for the same expenditure of time - and I get a date as a bonus.

What do others think?

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 23, 2008 2:28 AM

auntykaz at April 22, 2008 10:58 PM
I invite almost everyone who kisses me to send an email, including the obvious scammers from Russia, Nigeria or the Congo. I like to have a lend of them.
You never know with a local contact though. If you think you are getting nonsense then you can rubbish them back, but it is a numbers game with pleasant suprises.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at April 23, 2008 1:06 AM

Waterbombe and blondebiped: I can only plead that I'm elderly. Aged 72 going on 63. Born in the Depression, and brought up in the bush, in a culture where good manners were the aim of at least 95% of the population.

Even itinerant poor families of fencers and rabbiters, living in tents beside their 20-year-old model T Ford utes and cooking in camp ovens on an open fire.

So I still have trouble coming to terms with what my Ex. said to me in the late 1970s, in total disgust: "The ignorant mannerless bloody peasants are now the mainstream. It's the end of civilised civilisation."

And I can't help being a statistician. It's my nature. I gave the proportion of kiss non-repliers in my own age group in Brisbane just for interest's sake, because it had interested me. From that demographic (urban female, 55-70) I'd expected 10-15% non-replies, not 35%.

And then I added a comment to my post which displayed my own personal values about good manners. Yes, I know they're far more rigid than the apparent average for what I see as the self-centred spoilt-brat majority of generation Y.

Hear this: I would be far less insulted to be told "F*** off ya d***head, which is how the dregs of all generations say "No thanks", than to be totally ignored when I try to communicate with someone.

To me and the rest of my sort of old-fashioned gentle folk, from blue collar to white, that's proof that the other person is either deaf, blind or so supremely conceited that I know of no polite word or phrase to describe it.

OK. So I'm a dinosaur (and fiercely proud of it.) Pay no attention to what I say.

Keep on proving that you have absolutely NO interest in the feelings of anyone who isn't of obvious immediate use to you.

And please be sure to headline it prominently in your personal corporate advertising programme (which we call an RSVP profile.)

The ancient Romans had a saying: Caveat emptor! It means BUYERS BEWARE !!!

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 22, 2008 11:34 PM

Hey Blondbiped,

Know what you are going through sorting all of the contacts.......a few months ago I had the arduous task of sorting through 2 Kisses.....and sent the "bugger off" response to the wrong one!!!

Good thing that I'm an ugly old fart and only get kisses one at a time.....cant afford too many of those sorts of mistakes!!!

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at April 22, 2008 11:33 PM

Redgem, your profile is lovely. You sound like a very appealing person to get to know. Keep in mind that people can spend about a year or so on rsvp before they meet anyone really special...isn't that what they say in the ads, guys?...so you might be on here for a while, like lots of us...It was 18 months before I met a guy definitely worth settling for, although I met 3 or 4 very nice guys earlier...it just didn't work out permanently with them for various reasons..it can take a while for that to shake out too...good luck with it all!.

Posted by: waterbombe at April 22, 2008 11:00 PM

I have met some absolutely wonderful people on this site and have never had any problem with anyone. I now have the privelege of making some very good friends and although I have not met my lifetime partner as yet I am blessed to have made some really good friends and a couple of them, I believe, will be lifetime friends. I have no idea why some people are being so negative when if you look for the positive that is what you will receive.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 22, 2008 10:58 PM

Waterbombe, Notgodsgift and Blondbiped, I am in your ballpark.

The replies that we have at our disposal are not always appropriate to what you want to reply....
Is not replying such an issue when you recieve an unsolicited kiss, particularly if it from someone that you may be suspect of ??

If l have not received a reply, well no skin off my nose, put it away and not worry is my thinking......................K

Posted by: auntykaz at April 22, 2008 10:58 PM

redgem65 at April 22, 2008 9:43 PM

I don't see you having a problem, more an embarrasment of riches. You are OK looking, have a good physicality,are personable and articulate.
If you have to meet 20 or 30 guys, so be it.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at April 22, 2008 10:32 PM

redgem @ 9.43pm: Do not worry. I for one think your profile is fine, and I've read well over a thousand. Couldn't suggest a significant improvement.

Worthwhile men respect a woman with standards for their behaviour as well as for her own, and it deters the few players who do look past the photos, before hitting the kiss-firing button.

The only handicap you've mentioned is your special needs child, soon to move out into a home. Then you'll have lots more time without him around to mind, so I wouldn't mention it in your profile.

Hang in there, and consider sending out some kisses. Men are surprised and pleased when a woman approaches them, because they usually have to do all the searching for themselves. Best of luck!

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 22, 2008 10:28 PM

Viril and Timewarp, I don't think you can conclude that blondebiped is conceited...a girl has only so much time, and a good looker gets a lot of kisses...she may just be time-poor. I agree with Notgodsgift,...the sender can't REQUIRE the recipient (who has not asked to be contacted by you) to respond. And anyway, no response is a response ...it means 'no thanks'. I sent out a lot of kisses that were ignored and frankly I think it should be water off a ducks back...why does it matter that a complete stranger who has never met you and didn't ask to meet you does not flick back a "no thanks" to your kiss? Aren't you taking this too seriously? Emails are another matter, because the person spent 8 bucks or whatever it is, but kisses are free and ten a penny. Or something like that.

Posted by: waterbombe at April 22, 2008 10:00 PM

Well I'd like to say that although I do have the manners to always reply to kisses (negative or positive - I guess I'm not so gorgeous that I have an hours worth of refusals to send a day) I'm confused by the same thing blondebiped is. Why do people send you a kiss then when you reply to it not email? Surely they can't be teaching me the same lesson timewarp1 would be teaching blondebiped as I always respond and I don't think my profile comes off as conceited and therefore indicating a need of people to teach me a lesson in humility.

On another thing with manners, when someone emails you, you email them back rather than ignoring your email I'd like a, "hey I've decided I'm just not that into you," response. I like honesty. I'm not so precious to be upset by a denial (at least a polite one) but do get a little annoyed with being deemed subhuman and not worthy of a reply.

Posted by: robinep at April 22, 2008 9:48 PM

Check bob's post Virgil. I don't see it as conceit or an issue of manners.

This a commercial site with constructs set in place by an organisation that I don't have to agree to. I have stated that in my profile. If not following the RSVP etiquette guidelines is cause for derision and contempt, bring it on.

Nothing to do with looks. Most of the emails I responded to didn't display a photo.

Posted by: blondebiped at April 22, 2008 9:44 PM

Hi all! This is my first at blogging and am also new to RSVP. I need help. I seem to be attracting all the wrong guys, I have met with 4 now for coffee, all nice but... One turned out to be 3 weeks out of a 3 yr engagement (wish I knew this), another lived too far away (I thought I'd try to be nice and still meet him, on my stamp) but he wanted a fling, another wanted someone to go to nudist beaches with (again I was told this after a 2nd date) and the last one was great but just not into me (I can understand, if there is no spark). Alot who kiss me are often interstate, or way out of my preferred age group, or want babies etc. when I clearly state in my profile that I want someone NOR, 38-48 and I don't want anymore children but their's are fine.
I would love to say heaps but don't want my profile to DRAG on, men hate that! Sure there is a bit of play, I sometimes go older etc. but I need someone with some energy. This is because I have spent the last 18 yrs looking after my disabled son and now he's entering a 'home' I am now going to start my life, get out and do stuff! So I have my reasons for being specific, you see.
I make sure each guy knows this (about my son), to be fair. And those who met me were all cool with this.
I try to be honest, do I need to be more specific in my profile? I'm afraid of sounding cold and harsh. I'm just a nice lady looking for a good guy.
All the men I HAVE met still want to be friends, thats fine, but I'm collecting alot of male friends lol! I'm afraid when I do finally meet "him" he will be worried about all these guys who want to chat, lol! I've tried changing my profile so as not to sound lame, or rude etc. I know it's early days, but can someone help? Please.

Posted by: redgem65 at April 22, 2008 9:43 PM

Jewells 6-15pm. Totally correct Jewells. And I have done that a couple of times and the gut feeling was totally right. Connected with two very special people that way.

Blondebiped - I agree with the others here. What does it take to send a polite reply back? What goes around - comes around. Guess that's why you don't get those replies back sometimes hey? Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at April 22, 2008 9:37 PM

I still don't see what is mannerly about sending out those horrible responses. No response is response enough.

I was mainly thinking of the people who email or say they intend to email and then. Poof. Nothing. With all and sundry bemoaning the lack of manners in a non response I assumed my approach was unusual. My experience says, no.

Nice theory TW. Could be true, but I've never requested an email, and I've only sent one kiss, which was responded to with an 'interested buying stamp' to which I replied with an email. Maybe he was teaching me a lesson by not responding to it. Clever.

Or maybe as Malsie suggests, he's treking.

Posted by: blondebiped at April 22, 2008 9:26 PM

HMM blondebiped your writing style reminds me of someone else here. its sad you cant be bothered with manners like the rest of us not so good looking people.

Is the admission that you are too conceited to reply to men who send you kisses supposed to elicit any response from other bloggers than derision and contempt?

Posted by: virgil at April 22, 2008 9:06 PM

Nice to see another new face around here chrome 79................have to agree with the opinion of one of the others yesterday ?? and switch your pics around.......and what are those young ladies in Perth doing leaving you alone ?? :))

Posted by: jenjen57 at April 22, 2008 9:05 PM

Learn to recognise bulls..t when you read it and hear it. Your inbuilt bullshit detector is generally pretty good. If you read or hear something that is giving you doubts, you are probably right to be suspicious.

It may also be worth hanging on to any emails/chat transcripts you have, particularly if something said is really making you uneasy - it never hurts to have something to refer back to should you need it.

Ignore the rude members who won't respond to kisses and emails (be glad you found out about them before wasting too much money) but be prepared there are a lot of them.

I would recommend that you set up a specific RSVP email address - it helps for when you have psychos declaring their undying love for you after a few emails (or even your garden variety psycho). That way you don't have to worry about them getting your personal email address.

Apart from that, TW and Junebaby have got it covered - be honest, don't bullsh..t, keep the initial meetings light and easy.

Posted by: stoic at April 22, 2008 8:26 PM

Hi All,

Regarding replies to kisses......I dont see a problem if I send out a kiss and dont get a reply, its pretty obvious that the recipient isn't interested....so move on and forget about it.

My problem with this whole deal is that the senders are trying to make the rules to the recipients; life doesn't work that way and you are entitled to ignore my kiss if you choose.

Lets face it guys, many of you have complained vehemently about receiving the "Sorry, but I recently contacted someone else" reply....then still seeing that person active....the person is trying to be nice in responding in some way....does it make you feel any better getting rejected "officially"?

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at April 22, 2008 8:22 PM

blondebiped @ 4.08pm: Oh to be in your shoes - gorgeous enough to give yourself permission up front and out in the open, not to bother with the basic good manners of issuing negative replies that cost you all of 3 mouse-clicks each.

I think I have the answer to your 'confused' question, but I don't know how happy you'll be with it.

If I was someone as young and gorgeous as you are, and of the opposite gender, I'd read your profile and then be roolly rooly tempted to send you a kiss that I didn't mean, just to get your request for an email - and then give you a little silent taste of your own medicine. For your own good, as my post here is.

How does it feel when you're on the receiving end of your kind of behaviour, eh?

Thank you very much blondebiped, for giving us an identifiable example of item (5) in my corner post at 12.39pm. Proves my point, eh?

Lookit the time - late for tennis!

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 22, 2008 8:14 PM

Be honest and take your time. If things don't work out fully on the dates, there no harm in being friends as you will get a good recommendation from them if they know of some single friends.

Posted by: beltoforion at April 22, 2008 8:06 PM

Joyfulencounters said, "Just because someone is good looking does not mean they are out of your league or out for what they can get, it is so unfair to asume this, they may be your match in heaven & looking for love like the rest of you.

I agree with this as I have had the most problems in my past with very average looking men. Good looking people seem to get a bit of a bum rap on here and it is usually from the plain janes.

I've usually had great first meetings here with very nice men but have only taken a few further for a variety of reasons. One would be that I have become pretty fussy as I have become older about who I want to spend time with and they have to be a good match soonish rather than spending months and then finding your first impressions were the correct ones for you. I'm sure I am not alone here.

Posted by: lailaj at April 22, 2008 7:52 PM

blondebiped, yes, it is odd behaviour and seems to happen to lots of people that tell their stories on here. I've figured out the ones who send kisses, you say "yes, please write" but then they don't, just don't have any stamps and are trying on the off chance to see if you'll write anyway. I've had that happen a couple of times, and having had stamps that needed using anyway, have written myself. My theory has then been confirmed when they've replied.

I've no idea what happens to all the others that get lost along the way - got snapped up by someone else, have gone trekking in Nepal and lost their way home - who knows. The world is a mysterious place, and the world of rsvp even more so!

Posted by: malsie at April 22, 2008 7:41 PM

Tis odd, non?
Posted by: blondebiped at April 22, 2008 4:08 PM

Its due to the high number of indecisive or scaredy cat blokes out there.................:)

Posted by: jenjen57 at April 22, 2008 7:36 PM

That wasn't the point Jewels. I'm fully cognisant of how I'm meant to utilise stamps and kisses, my confusion rests on intitial contacts that... Just read the first post again.

But hey, thanks for the advice.

S

Posted by: blondebiped at April 22, 2008 7:12 PM

my advice is:

Be Honest, and honest, Oh yes don't forget to be honest!!!!!

keep your profile honest, genuine, happy or upbeat, add a clear and current photo, and take a "lets see what happens next" kind of attitude.

Use your real age, as no one likes a liar!!! And you will get found out!!!

Make sure you read others profiles, properly, before you send of a kiss. So that you know that you would send an email if you get a positive response to that kiss.

Be prepared to receive kiss's from people that obviously have not read your profile!!!

Answer all kisses, even with a thanx but no thanx if applicable.

Be prepared for not getting response at all when you send kisses, but these are the ones you didn't want to know as they are rude, or up themselves as they think they are tooo popular!!!

And....be honest, if you are bald and grey, be honest, it is how you look and appear now, that poeole will see when they meet you.

If you just want sex, go to a brothel...this is a dating site!!

If you get to emails and phone calls, get to the first meeting quickly, so that you see the real person, and don't build up some kind of incorrect picture of the person.

Keep 1st meetings to coffee or a quick drink, something that isn't going to tie you to a meeting for ages. If it goes really well, then you can move on to a dinner/lunch...or extend your stay for more drinks!!!

Good luck with the dating, it can be a real adventure!!! jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at April 22, 2008 6:34 PM

Hi there all,

some of my sugestions about this site are.....................remember real live people are behind the profile be honest, polite & open about your thoughts.
Dont judge a person completly by their profile (they may of left stuff out they have to offer & you are looking for). Get to know them a little through emails first before you decide.
I personally like to get to know a person by corrospondence first,this tells me they are willing to put in time & effort to get to know me. I tend to shy away from guys who are in a hurry to meet me quick.
I like the guy to buy the stamps,I am a professional that earns good money&can afford to pay but have realised that a guy who buys the stamp a higher level of respect for me.
Just because someone is good looking does not mean they are out of your league or out for what they can get, it is so unfair to asume this, they may be your match in heaven & looking for love like the rest of you. The biggest game players ive meet have been mr average & drop dead ugly.
Have fun & dont take things to personal, just like in real like you will come across a variety of people. Its the nice ones along the way that always make it all worth it.

happy mingling

Posted by: joyfulencounters at April 22, 2008 6:30 PM

blondebiped, if you send the kiss, you send the email.

If they send the kiss, they send the email. Unless of course, you get a kiss, you check out the profile and go WOW...then send that email really fast!!!

just common sense really...jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at April 22, 2008 6:15 PM

Re point 5 TW. I've made clear in my profile that I won't send one of those woeful 'No Thanks' thingies. Aside from anything else I would have to dedicate an hour a day to the task. Along with reading/deciphering the emails.

The only thing I'm confussed about is receiving a 'kiss' responding positively and then hearing nothing. Or sending a 'kiss' receiving an 'interested will now buy stamps' response and, as I have a bunch, emailing back... and then receive nothing.

Tis odd, non?

Posted by: blondebiped at April 22, 2008 4:08 PM

To elaborate further...

Take note of the one's that meet then move in the next day/week.

Is this a new trend?

Posted by: enrepres at April 22, 2008 2:58 PM

Advice:
Have a read of the Success Stories area of RSVP.

Posted by: enrepres at April 22, 2008 2:41 PM

Ohh what a cracker of a thing to say. "I look much younger than my age."

Especially if confronted with "How old do you think I look? ' on the first meeting.

Being a fairly diplomatic sort of a bloke, I usually think of an age then reduce it by 5 to 10 years, then often only struggle in with a pass, (no credit, distinction or high distinction here).

I recently saw a profile on here, where the person said about being entirely honest in all things, at all times. I would be in big trouble, if I applied that reasoning to some of the women I have met for coffees.

Not that I have met many women for coffees recently.

I must say that while that has been my experience at some times, on other times, I have been pleasantly surprised as to the accuracy of description.

Posted by: virgil at April 22, 2008 2:23 PM

Yes Timewarp,
Lots of experience here! I intend to cut & post your latest for future reference!!

Posted by: amberlight58 at April 22, 2008 2:02 PM

I think the only thing Timewarp missed was the age issue. When specifying ideal partner be realistic about what age group you are likely to appeal to. On RSVP (for me) it tends to be 39 - 52. In relationships that have started 'off-line' there hasn't been a man over 38! I think because despite what anyone's profile says about 'I look much younger than my age' stated age is a big filter. BTW lying about age is pretty pointless too.
My other advice is to get a good recent candid photo - old photos or glamour shots don't help and sorry but the re-hashed wedding pic is just tacky! Good luck x

Posted by: firelightlady at April 22, 2008 2:00 PM

Guys.
RSVP is the place 'where more Australians meet', not The Long Term Relationship Factory.
Do as you please without feeling constrained.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at April 22, 2008 1:58 PM

This seeems a good topic, while a bit uninspiring, at least its not what dumb things did you do 5 months ago? oe does someone have to have a degree before you want to marry them?

Those other 2 are so bad, like blue lights, that you only really want to go there if you want to talk about the subject.

This blog, being fairly bland, I think will be up to 400 posts by this time next week.

Posted by: virgil at April 22, 2008 1:43 PM

timewarp, what fantastic advice for newcomers. I'm impressed, and reckon you just about covered everything there!

Posted by: malsie at April 22, 2008 1:08 PM

Fellers, it's not a stickbook, so don't just search the pictures for the best stunnas. And girls, don't only read the words, because it's not Bills and Moon. Look at the front cover too.

Voice of experience:

1) Search for people whose looks don't completely put you off, and whose words suggest that they're similar to you in their outlook and interests - and also say that they're looking for someone who sounds something like you.

Then there's a chance, and you're not wasting everyone's time on forlorn hopes.

2) Don't expect an immediate shower of kisses, unless you're as beautiful as IaminPerth. Invest in your romantic future - say a first batch of a dozen free kisses. For the first fortnight.

3) I find that a third of the mature-age women that I send carefully-targeted kisses to will politely tell me straight away "No thanks".

4) Another third will soon invite my email.

Remember that the kisser is then expected to put their money where their mouth was, and pay for the month's email contact. Buy a dozen stamps, so each is less than the price of a couple of drinks.

If they don't email when invited, they're the kind of skinflint/ gold-digger that you don't want to know - unless you're the sort who needs to buy his way everywhere, to get anywhere.

5) The last third I've kissed are too fond of themselves to bother making a couple of mouse clicks to say "No thanks" - if they don't fancy you, they just ignore you. So you're glad to know who they are, and keep your distance.

Guess what? In my considerable experience (over 300 outward kisses in 2 years > over 100 first dates), they're nearly always the prettiest ones. And more often than not, also photographed with a glass of your wine in their hand.

I guess that their lucky genetic accident of good looks has let them feel that they deserve the very best, without lifting a finger in return.

6) Once your email has been requested, don't muck about forever with emails and the phone - aim to meet them as soon as possible.

Because that's the first chance you get to evaluate the whole person in 3D with stereo sound - not just their shadow on the monitor wall.

7) Make the first meeting low-key. No big production, with sky-high hopes that always have a good chance of being dashed.

You're just meeting someone once, to see if you'd both like a repeat. So you can relax and be yourself. Going Dutch is even more relaxing, for independent women.

8) Before you part, have the guts to discuss together whether you both want to meet again. Don't leave the other hanging out to dry forever - that's gutless, opportunistic or cruel.

9) And if you do both want to meet again, try to decide right then, where and when to meet again. As if the other person was a real contender, eh?

That tactic gets rid of most of the players, inadequately-motivated drifters and toe-in-water scaredycats, in one.

10) Good luck with your other contacts - they're still possibles.

11) And don't go invisible until you and she are ready to try a fly in the cot - there's too many slips between cups and lips, and someone far more suitable may come along, before you're actually committed.

Back to work. Seeyez.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 22, 2008 12:39 PM

I'm fairly new to online dating and have been on RSVP for 3 months now, but have a few tips.

Pay attention to someone's actions, the congruency of what they say and do. I met a guy on here who talks "big", made his profile make him seem like a catch, but he had not done half the things in his profile and was not even close to what he described himself as; his profile was just "big talk" and nothing else. Lucky for me, I have been meeting better guys and I've finally made a shortlist of those that are good.

Posted by: amrey at April 22, 2008 12:28 PM

waterbombe @ April 22, 11.20am...

Couldn't have put it better myself, WB!

Be aware
Be cautious
Be safe

..but always stay positive & optimistic!
..as WB says - amongst the players & dysfunctional personailities, there are genuine, lovely & decent people.. it's just a matter of keeping a sharp eye out for the others!

Posted by: decoratress at April 22, 2008 11:56 AM

Be aware that there are many decent, lovely people on the site, and also there are many players and desperadoes. Develop the ability to tell the difference before you get badly burned. Pay a great deal of attention to what the person writes in their pfofile, and to what they show you in their photos. If you have even one small concern, don't meet them. Keep looking at profiles until you come across one that doesn't raise any doubts in your mind.

Posted by: waterbombe at April 22, 2008 11:20 AM