RSVP Blog

For our non-understanding, non-comprehending "Pauline", "Are You Ready for Married Life" timewarp1 at April 6, 2008 11:09 PM,

>"Congratulations on posting your research findings on every available channel.... As Pauline Chips used to say: Please explain!"

Posted by: justsaying at April 6, 2008 9:06 PM
>"A pity some are so one-eyed.
Guess that's why they have some trouble reading and counting -all that emotional clouding of judgement."

Posted by: justsaying at April 7, 2008 11:38 AM

Well said TLD

Marriage is special, it is courageous, a celebration, an affirmation of love.

If and when things get rocky, that people are legally tied together gives the a bit of time to pause, time to think.

It says to the other person they are very special, the one and only.

Posted by: virgil at April 7, 2008 11:26 AM

As I have said previously I think people should be themselves always and if the other person gets to know them and likes them, that's very good and if they get to know them and don't like them that's also good because then you know exactly where you stand.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 6, 2008 3:39 PM
Perth, you just get better and better, like a fine wine.

Posted by: virgil at April 7, 2008 11:14 AM

There seem to be a lot of people (mostly women) that are adamant they would never marry again .... why? Personally I have no great desire to re-marry but never say never.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 7, 2008 10:47 AM

TLD @ 10.51pm: Very well argued. You've almost convinced me, and I'm only looking for some years of part-time cohabitation for a start, while I'm still working. Off to do that. Seeyez.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 7, 2008 9:21 AM

I will remarry again, seen in my dream.. It seems my beautiful butterfly to closed to come true, For the month of April, got 2 contacts left but one is gone,.. so only 1 left, hmm could be him? don't know yet. Been contact with him a year ago but due to his business hectic schedule and travelling of mine, we lost communication I didn't keep his phone and email address and I change my profile name. he couldn't locate me. Recently i came to his front page matches. He sent me email straightaway without kissed, I was amused he still remember my name, asking me what happened why we lost contact, I said i don't know, Urgently given me his landline to ring him. We talked often and met. Good, we got lots in common. I've told him I will travel soon. and he agree to it, as long as I'll keeps my promises in contact with him of my "whereabouts"....he understand cos his travellers too. First time I encountered guy understand my travel passion. Mostly men I've met against it, insecured- dont trust me and attention seekers. I cannot stand on that attitude.
It seems we got good arrangement giving both Space and Freedom and Trust. I think will get along well. We are both equals in all aspects....I'll keep my fingers crossed...

Posted by: aliane at April 7, 2008 8:09 AM

Hi all. Just back from some really good hard tennis - 5 on one court, meaning playing for a quarter of an hour and then sitting out 3 or 4 minutes, for 2.1/2 hours. And what did I miss here?

Officer Krupke @ 6.10pm: Mate, spitting the dummy doesn't make you into a baby who'd need bootees. Little boys of all ages do it. Wouldn't you rather have a nice warm knitted scarf for when you're providing security on cold nights? What pattern?

Justslagging @ 8.32pm: Congratulations on posting your research findings on every available channel, to guarantee maximum exposure.

Good marketing technique, but I have to ask: what are you actually advertising? Just looks like some random press clippings to me. As Pauline Chips used to say: Please explain!

PS: and 3 good posts came in from the other gender. Onyer TLD.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 6, 2008 11:09 PM

Madrigal75, I think(despite all statistics) that there is still something special about getting married for the" first time (and hopefully only time) arounders"

To me it seems that marriage is a very happy milestone and celebration in life because a couples love and happiness commitment and intentions are declared before family and friends ,and everyone knows where they stand. Everyone loves lovers and being engaged, and getting married is a special time with all the attention on the couple,which you will always remember.

It should be an intensely romantic time too..a .not to be missed experience.

That does not translate into a wedding extravaganza of epic proportions...it seems to be the case the bigger the wedding the shorter the marriage!

People talk about commitment and finding 'the one" but "the one" only becomes "the one" through shared experiences of life which bond by either pleasure, or unfortunately overcoming some sort of adversity....the stuff memories are made of and which start to build a history which both wish to keep adding to and sharing together.

A commitment ceremony of some sort seems so much more of a basis for sharing life and truly bonding as a couple than just moving in together in my opinion. Knowing that the person you are living with has openly stood up and declared that they want to be a part of your life forever brings a great sense of security and trust and goodwill to start with.

Posted by: thelynathdiary at April 6, 2008 10:51 PM

Lynath Sweetest.

I was wondering when you would be tempted.

Should we now call you Chris, dimunitive of Christine, Christabel, Christina, Chrissie, Chrissy, Christian, Christiana, Christie, Christy, Kirsten, Kirsty, Kristen, Kristi, Kristie, Kristin, Kristine, Kristy, Tina.

And pray tell, what happened to that delightful photo of you in your santa hat. I was at least expecting it to be replaced by an easter bunny photo, or any other bunny photo for that matter. It is not as if you are unpleasing to the eye. It’s just that people like Timewarp think that Marcus might be “pricking” you.

Would you kindly direct your attention to these philanderers and remind them that they can keep their pricks away from your heavenly body.

And as for the great pretenders, those who try to make out on the blogs they are having success after success hereon, including FWBs who they conveniently hide from sight (as if any normal woman is going to tolerate that- well there are a few unfortunately who do but a good psychiatrist would not go astray or they should at least write to Lonely Hearts Columnists and get themselves straightened out)- well could I remind these pretenders that there is a huge credibility gap which they are not bridging.

Posted by: richardzkruspe at April 6, 2008 10:16 PM

As my other post on What Do Men and Women Want?, hasn't come through as quickly.

In the interests of fairness to the offended (Posted by: justsaying at April 6, 2008 8:32 PM,)
I previously expanded to include two others on the same day, on What Do Men and Women Want?, at April 5, 2008 9:08 PM.

A pity some are so one-eyed.

Guess that's why they have some trouble reading and counting -all that emotional clouding of judgement.

Posted by: justsaying at April 6, 2008 9:06 PM

Just for the types who can't help defending their abusers (this is why some are not ready for the real facts of marriage,) absorb reams of opinions as facts and, think I am "picking on" any "one" attitude, check my latest post on What do men and woman want:

Also, this was originally posted Sat 5.4.8 on Proposals: Are You Ready for Married Life?

Posted by: richardzkruspe at April 5, 2008 12:47 PM,

>"Do not let the Neanderthal female regressions in anyway intimidate your right to express your opinion without breaching basic internet security."

Then out-of-date oldergent at April 5, 2008 1:17 PM,

>"Richard.
Last time I looked you at least had the guts to have you photo and profile showing."

and then,

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 5, 2008 1:50 PM,

>"Officer Krupke, you're off form today. Lost your zap somewhere. ....

Wasn't much more entertaining than my stuff mate".
----------------------------------------------
Warped again mate. Trying to equate yourself with fish crust is an insult (much as I hate to say it,) to him.
Also, take a look. The said profile is now invisible.

Therefore, does that make TW a,

>"Neanderthal female" (Richardzkruspe at April 5, 2008 12:47 PM),

who has prompted the now invisible state of the other Krusty one?

Like iaminperth at April 5, 2008 3:10 PM says:

>"I'sn't it a laugh that one old bloke, although he thinks like a 62 year old...what the ?? who has stated he will not bother with me any more includes my name in his condescending comments in nearly every one of his blogs. Amazing really being so busy......I don't really think so."

Posted by: justsaying at April 6, 2008 8:32 PM

Can anyone suggest why anybody should bother getting married in this day and age ? It wouldn't be for security or money or whatever because de factos have the same rights in Australia as marrieds. Hardly anyone believes it's sinful to live together anymore, and since a huge proportion (too lazy to google it, sorry) of marriages end in divorce anyway, what exactly is the point or relevance of a piece of paper saying you're committed to another person until the day when one of you changes their mind ?

Posted by: madrigal75 at April 6, 2008 8:31 PM

I will never get married again and I dont want to. I dont even want to live again with another. Just give me two wonderful dates each week and that is more than enough. This way I am still be me and have my life but have a companion to enjoy stuff with too. A complete life.

Posted by: oohlala1 at April 6, 2008 2:21 PM

oohlala1,
Hi! I am fairly much of a similar mind about the whole getting married again question. If it was right for a partner (only hypothetical at this stage) and me, I would happily live in my house and they could stay in theirs and just see each other when we felt like it. No idea why there is such a need/urge/desire for people to cohabit. Plus I have teenage sons so that is a big ask for a man to deal with and a big change for my sons. Living apart from someone though dating would in theory suit me. Also once I would never entertained the idea of living with someone outside of marriage. Now I am not sure I would dismiss that idea either. It would entirely depend on me and this hypothetical partner. Marriage would be cool if it was what both of us wanted. "How important is love compared to sex, money and family on the decision of marriage.." is part of the question. Well I would not have sex with out love. Love without lovemaking is not ideal but happens to people due to injury, illness. The cake and the icing, is the ideal. A relationship is about flexibility and compromise you would think. You can not compare love to sex as the question says. I have lived with love and not much money before so I would have to say love would be more important than money to me. As a mother, my house is my children's inheritance, so am not about to throw that away. We have blogged about this before, several times in other blogs. As a Mum, I have some responsibility to my children so have to consider their needs. We live in society so need money. How important is love compared to family, we are asked. Well I love my family in a different way to a partner. After being alone for 6 years I would try to do the right thing by my family and a hypothetical partner plus myself. You sure can not please everyone. I tend to stuff things up by thinking too much about them so hope to go into a long term relationship (if it happens) in a relaxed way. It is human and normal to have doubts I think. Oh and I am not in a relationship so may not be qualified to comment on this topic even.
Slightsync

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at April 6, 2008 8:10 PM

RichardzKruspe, men don't sit in the corner at respite...any centre of quality now has it's own "shed" just for the 'blokes'.. don't worry you'll love it....

Posted by: thelynathdiary at April 6, 2008 6:34 PM

Timewarp

I’m being quite serious.

We’re back to letting knitting needles into the AFL football.

So every time I see a set of knitting needles in a blokes’ handbag, I do not flinch.

I just ask him to knit a pair of booties for me.

Posted by: richardzkruspe at April 6, 2008 6:10 PM

As I have said previously I think people should be themselves always and if the other person gets to know them and likes them, that's very good and if they get to know them and don't like them that's also good because then you know exactly where you stand.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 6, 2008 3:39 PM

Officer Krupke @ 1.11pm: Thank you for taking my argument another step forward.

I'm reminded of the Far Side cartoon of the 2 old dogs lounging in rocking chairs on the front verandah.

The postman comes past, and it's a cat in uniform.

One dog says "You know Fred, when we were a bit younger, we wouldn't have stayed in our chairs, would we?"

A mate of mine says it like this: "The older I get, the better I was. That's why they're called the Good Old Days."

And don't the blokes on the sidelines get cranky if one of them breaks ranks, gets a "self-serving" life, mixes with the sheilas and (fraternity forbid!) actually gets popular with them? It'd drive a bloke to get all catty!

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 6, 2008 3:39 PM

I agree Perth,
Why do people insist on making a point of saying they "act younger than their age"?
Admittedly I guess this may be okay for someone in their late 60s to say something like this (people are ageist and tend to generalise about older people; but I know men and women in their 80s who are years younger physically, and intellectually smarter, than some people in their 40s & 50s who drink, smoke and/or take drugs way too much!!), but why would someone in their 40s feel the need to say such a thing?

Surely the best part about someone in their late 30s and onwards is that they have (hopefully!) learned some of life's lessons, learned how to be themselves and not care what other people think, and are less angry and judgemental.
I suppose men might say something like this if they are keen to attract someone younger than themselves, but isn't maturity and all the qualities that hopefully go with it, the reason why some younger women look for an older partner in the first place? They find the attitudes of men their own age seriously lacking?
So why would a bloke want to point out he may be nearing 50, but he only has the maturity of a 30 yo? Where is the benefit in that?

The same with a woman. I guess she may feel it necessary to say she LOOKS younger (for obvious reasons: the boys keep telling us how "visual" they are!!) but a lot of men appreciate the lack of drama that many older women bring into a relationship, so why would you want to emphasise you BEHAVE younger?
It certainly seems counterproductive to me!

Posted by: amberlight58 at April 6, 2008 2:52 PM

I never want to join the gang as they then have too much control over you and your behaviour. as soon as you join you no longer are free to have your own opinions and responses. they can rule your lives in subversive unhealthy ways. they can manipulate you an dtry to shape you to conform. I say be an individual always and be happy that you have made your own choices in life.
I will never get married again and I dont want to. I dont even want to live again with another. Just give me two wonderful dates each week and that is more than enough. This way I am still be me and have my life but have a companion to enjoy stuff with too. A complete life.

Posted by: oohlala1 at April 6, 2008 2:21 PM

YouareinPerth @ 3.10pm: You are right of course. Always. I guess I'll have to confess - I tried to give you up. I really did. Tried hard. But you're addictive, and I just can't.

Please forgive me - and respond to my post below at 1.44am on April 4 about my secret threesome with OG and Kianee. And have a red first, so you won't be too hard on me. Pretty please.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 6, 2008 2:07 PM

Yes, Timewarp

Men do certainly go around in gangs.

Once they get to a certain age, they gang up and sit in a corner together at the Respite Centre, their walking frames propped up beside them, talk endlessly about pacemakers and their need for a replacement valve or stent, till the Activities Director brings round a cup of tea and asks them if they want to go on the next bus trip because all the ladies are going and no “men” have yet volunteered, and Frank, speaking for the group as a whole, politely declines anything remotely resembling “doing” anything as Fred, the oldest member of their age group, is turning 50 in 3 months time, and they have to consider whether his heart can take a few extra beers or not, let alone the strain of climbing aboard the Nursing Home mini bus.

Posted by: richardzkruspe at April 6, 2008 1:11 PM

Hi justsaying,
Perhaps you could pick on someone else other than timewarp?
Haven't you got anything better to do?
Surely all people, no matter how unselfish they try to be, are "self-serving" and defensive at least part of the time!

Posted by: amberlight58 at April 6, 2008 12:34 PM

You'reinPerth @ 9.35pm: You were spot on about single men on holiday when you said "I travelled the SW not so long ago staying in local pubs and motels and there were certainly no single men wandering around doing things."

I believe that single men, whether teenandtwenties or middle-aged recycled singles, are heavily focussed on socialising with their male friends.

They go around in gangs, and their main focus whereever they are is on communicating with the other gang members - positively to maintain gang cohesion, or competitively (rubbishing, teasing etc) to maintain or improve their position in the peck-order within the gang.

Their interface with anything or anyone outside the gang is subsidiary, unless it's seeing off some other gang, or chatting up chicks.

If you do see a bloke out on his own enjoying something for its own sake, pounce on him and chat him up, because he's a misfit for a gang member, and therefore a maybe for a real partner for a discerning woman.

I can also relate to your point about everyone claiming to "act younger than their age."

I blame the fountain-of-youth industry, from hair transplants for blokes to wrinkle cream and plastic surgery for women.

They have used their advertising dollars to get the media on board, conning everyone to believe that if you're not young, or at least young for your age, no-one will want you, except coffin-makers.

With the same message coming from every part of the media, no wonder people buy it, and in their own RSVP ads, claim it.

I'm 72 and went 4 years ago to a boys-high-school reunion. Everyone else there (about a hundred) were bald or grey or white haired. Nearly all stooped and slow-moving. Retired and grinding to a halt. And their average age a year under mine.

How do I find my match - a woman who's still both as active and as ungeriatric-looking as I am (people who first meet me guess early 60s) - WITHOUT claiming to look and act young for my age?

Can you advise me please Perth?

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 6, 2008 12:15 PM

Many thanks jenjen. :-)

Re: justsaying's attitude to timewarp ahhh I see, I have to be honest I haven't looked up his profile so wasn't aware it was hidden - makes sense I guess. Still don't see what he could possibly have against someone nice like timewarp though.... strange!!

Perhaps he feels threatened teehee :P

Posted by: sunrizesiesta at April 6, 2008 11:04 AM

Best of luck sunrise :)) It is always nice to hear when one of us meets someone nice and things are starting well.

As for justsaying's attitude to timewarp, it is always easy for someone with a hidden profile to slag off someone else !!

Posted by: jenjen57 at April 6, 2008 6:58 AM

Justsledging @ 1.07 pm: Hello mate. Thanks for the big compliment of choosing me to sledge. So good for my morale.

When I was a young bloke we were taught to start with the head hair, and then move down progressively, pausing to explore any points of interest along the way.

I'd only got down as far as the boobs by my last post, so I was glad that you remembered where you go next, and could prompt me.

And very interested in your mentioning the theory about mens' "transference of hindquarter admiration."

I had previously thought about the way girls like the look of a nice tight pair of buns, and had in my mind put the two together way back when - when like the aborigines on walkabout, he went ahead with his spear, and she followed behind with a baby on her hip, and maybe another in the rumble seat.

Looking back he'd see boobs hanging down framing the rumble seat, and looking forward she'd see buns undulating as he strode along. Respective reassuring signals that everything's hunky dory.

(JMO. There may be another better explanation for the comfort we get from these ancient reassurances. Do you know one?)

And thanks for reminding me @ 8.20pm that I'd forgotten to delete that by-line at the end of the freeisnot extract, once I'd duplicated it at the front of the extract.

I miss my full-time secretary, now that I have to do my own typing, and am always grateful when altruistic people draw attention to my many shortcomings.

I spent a couple of hours on the conceptual design of the walker loader, and will draw it up to scale tomorrow.

Only mentioned it because of a sobering thought - if I paired off with someone my calendar age, rather than my ten-years-younger timewarped health-and-fitness age, I might be making an identical hoist for her in only ten years' time. That's too soon!

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 5, 2008 11:03 PM

I think a lot of problem with the profiles is that people put a lot of things that they would like to be, not who they really are. I find that so many people, especially around my age group who are obsessed with, think younger than my age'.........what does that mean ? is there an age on thinking ? Look younger than my age? by whose standards...other people tell me I look younger than my age...well yes, they're not going to walk up and ask are they. Then we have the scuba diving, the bungee jumping, wining and dining and the red wine, the walks all the other things. Well I actually do walk having a very large dog and I don't see any single males walking around with dog or otherwise. Looking for someone slim and attractive when they are.....oh shoosh, rather not slim and attractive. Must be a good kisser some say, but you look and they say they smoke.....ewwww! I travelled the SW not so long ago staying in local pubs and motels and there were certainly no single men wandering around doing things. This obsession with a whole profile of what they look like and whether they look younger, act younger is rather meaningless to me. The act younger really intrigues me, act younger than what, a geriatric, a teenager, do we have rules for acting at certain ages. I don't act and just try to get on with life and be successful in what I do and hopefully will one day meet someone who wants to do the same. If not, so be it. I really don't want to meet someone who is an actor, seems rather silly to me.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 5, 2008 9:35 PM

Warpy1, do try to get your quotes right.

You signed off,
>"Posted by: freeisnot at April 4, 2008 10:14 PM",

right after a heap of your meanderings including your self-serving,
>"I'm guessing" (about Freeisnot's own experiences,)
which you then jerk off into your own sufferings at the hands of a supposed >"control freak".
-Weren't you a lucky one??
Perhaps you should've stuck with someone who could contain you.

Finishing off your spiel by detailing your supposed altruistic weekend "work", how saintly.

But you're not the only one around your age, who actually works (rather than just "come and look",) seven days a week.

As well as, field early morning phone calls from clients.

Being awake early is easy; one of the benefits to growing older.

Staying awake and alert is another matter, as just proved so well with another of your slip-ups involving yet another entry.

Slip-ups with fundamentals is definitely a reason not to take the,
> "plunge of all plunges -marriage",
-blog topic.

Posted by: justsaying at April 5, 2008 8:20 PM

amberlight - many thanks for your well wishes.

justsaying - you're fantastic with words - I especially loved the "siesta while the sun rizes". I'm not getting the whole attitude you have to timewarp1 though?

timewarp1 - thanks for your well wishes. We have similar interests and just happen to have similar kids which is a bonus... It all looks very positive so far. :-)

Ok I'll go check out the other blogs now and see what good ole Marcus is up to... :P

Posted by: sunrizesiesta at April 5, 2008 8:04 PM

Sunrize @ 9.15am: That's reassuring news. Hope it keeps looking good, and that he'll welcome your kids and not try to compete with them for your attention. And vice versa. (= the other way around.)

Your Ex must have been pretty nasty for it to be 10 years before you started thinking of a man for your new life.

I've first-dated about a hundred women in RSVP in the last 27 months, plus about 50 in the late '90s from answering newspaper Personal Ads, and for women after divorce it averaged only 5 to 7 years before the loneliness overcame the fear of another bad experience. (3 months to 2 years for the men they'd met - most men are not as self-sufficient as most women.)

And thank you for your good wishes for my future.

Freeisnot @ 10.14pm wrote: "Perhaps the most important (question) is whether there is enough trust in the relationship to explore the physical together in tenderness.

Also (there) is the question about whether you are prepared to disagree and still love - does it matter more to agree than to to love in a broader sense."

I'm guessing you've had a bad experience/ bad life with a control freak. Me too. They are so insecure inside that they need to get everyone to agree on the outside that they are right about everything. Yes - everything.

They yell or they freeze you off, because they're not into love - they're into power. If you don't mean more to him than his ideas do, let him stay married to his ideas and move on. Three's a crowd.

I must move too - just had a phonecall from someone aged 81 from 2 suburbs away who wants gear to winch his wife's wheeled walker up into his car boot and down again, and wants me to come and look now.

Weekend business when your competitors are not open is a real $ benefit of working from home. But there goes my planned siesta after my late night blogging last night, and my early phonecall from a Melbourne customer this morning. Seeyez.

Posted by: freeisnot at April 4, 2008 10:14 PM

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 5, 2008 1:32 PM

Another bum rap?

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 5, 2008 3:41 AM
>"...to be adequately endowed up top.
>That's what nearly all men prefer, no matter what they say to put you down."

Come now, Dinosaur1. Some like the other end too.
Even prefer it and not afraid to be thought as batting for the other side.

There's a school of thought that boob fanciers are the flashy trashy types who only go for show, while bum men are the down to earth types.
Same school on sexual perceptions, deem upper mammaries as simple transference of hindquarter admiration.

Then we have the leg men, face men, foot men...
Some women really love a footman. Nothing like being served, for simply having dainty feet.

Subtlety in the art of appreciating the opposite sex, OhDinosaur1, is something to be remembered or even learnt.
Otherwise, a slavering, sleazy, perving old male is known as a DOM aka dirty old male (definition for the recently hatched).

So, be a good lad, avoid OD1DOM, the opposite of "wisdom" and don't let the side down.

Then you never know, you may be mature enough for marriage and not just having a siesta while the sun rizes. (By the way, good working of that old routine to get a target to discuss her assets.)

Speaking of assets, there's a politician in good old WA, that got away with undoing bra straps (check timewarp1's introduction at April 4, 2008 7:23 PM) and he's married....still.
But he's young and has that lovely, government superannuation pension ready to be divided, if his long-suffering wife can stick with him until cash/judgement day.

Posted by: justsaying at April 5, 2008 1:07 PM

Good Luck, Deborah.
I hope it all works out for you.
Cheers & happy dating

Posted by: amberlight58 at April 5, 2008 11:12 AM

timewarp1 - I say never give up hope - I am sure that there is a lovely lady out there for you. :-)

I've been through the messy divorce stuff my ex is not a nice man - so much so that I didn't look for anyone until this year - some 10 years on. Not that I ever thought of playing for the other side, I just wasn't ready until this year to even contemplate the thought of having a man in my life - my kids and my work and my house were my life up to this point in time.

Now I can happily report that I have met a nice man from RSVP and we've had 3 dates so far, so heres hoping.

You take care.

Kind regards,

Deborah :-)

Posted by: sunrizesiesta at April 5, 2008 9:15 AM

Hi sunrize. Seems like just you and me here bebby, so I can tell you a secret: Lucky little you to be adequately endowed up top.

That's what nearly all men prefer, no matter what they say to put you down.

In the queue at the servo, grab a quick glance inside a copy of Picture magazine, and prove it for yourself.

Back to the blogtopic before it closes:

Ready to marry again? Me? After last time?

With Marcus and justsledging both busy on the other blog, I can tell you I'm now 72 acting like 62, but after an expensive divorce and then bankruptcy that I didn't pay back till 2004, I need to work till I'm about 80 acting like 70.

In my business that's hungry for space - about 30 sq mtrs of office and document storage and 50 to 60 for storing my trading stock. Only a woman on acreage would have an empty shed that size, but I need to be within about 20km of the CBD, to be within range of my main clientele.

And I need at least 2 or 3 nights a week away from her bed, to catch up on my sleep and reload.

Who's going to marry me on those terms?

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 5, 2008 3:41 AM

Hello! I am new at all of this. My experience suggests that there are some big questions you need to answer to your satisfaction and then forget them. Perhaps the most important is whether there is enough trust in the relationship to explore the physical together in tenderness. Also is the question about whether you are prepared to disagree and still love - does it matter more to agree than to to love in a broader sense

Posted by: freeisnot at April 4, 2008 10:14 PM

Timewarp1 - not meaning to sound modest but I wish I needed a Bendon, sometimes I'd like to have less in that department...!

Posted by: sunrizesiesta at April 4, 2008 9:12 PM

Sunrize @ 5.49pm: Thank you for the compliment. Not much fun playing court jester if no-one claps.

As an engineer, I have been interested over the years in the physics of bra design, as well as perfecting the once-useful male skill of undoing them one-handed through a blouse, in one second.

Out of practice this last 45 years, since women abandoned their co-dependence, and started wanting to do everything for themselves

The first major bra design breakthrough was aeronautical engineer/film director Howard Hughes' invention in the early 1950s of an avalanche-preventing cantilevered strapless model for girlfriend, movie star and foine big girl Jane Russell.

Then Bendon, working at the opposite end of the very-much bell-shaped curve, found a way to create valleys where there had previously been none, by exerting pressure sideways instead of from below.

Nice engineering, and very moralistic too, because when the bra comes off, the topography disappears in the flash, and a girl wouldn't want to be a disappointment on further inspection, would she?

Must go and have my first look at the newer blog. Been a bit busy this week. Seeyez.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 4, 2008 7:23 PM

Teehee I love your sense of humour timewarp1. I guess Bendon does have a lot to answer for!!

Posted by: sunrizesiesta at April 4, 2008 5:49 PM

Hi all. Only just made it to the blog tonight. Heavy all-day seminar on Web Marketing all day (and all day tomorrow.) Took in another seminar tonight by Dakota Don Tolman on the way home across town, and I bought his $220 book on what foods prevent what geriatric diseases, etc. Then emails and faxes to the customers who'd phoned today and missed me while I was in class.

1) "Kianee whenever have I said that men are the root of all evil, are you timewarp in disguise.... most of my best friends are men because they are fun and easy going and like to sit around and eat and have a glass of wine and a good laugh......
I can't sit around with a load of giggly women, talking crap and wondering whose boobs are going to shoot out of their tops first....."
Posted by: iaminperth at April 2, 2008 4:20 PM.

2) "I'm lost here I asked if Oldergent was Timewarp in disguise not a 63 year old woman !"
Posted by: iaminperth at April 3, 2008 4:24 PM

3) What a difference a day makes!

I'm in Brisbane not Perth, but I can safely tell everyone two things: OG isn't Kianee, and Bendon has a lot to answer for. Cheers dears.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 4, 2008 1:44 AM

I have received quite a lot of contact with a lot of nice profiles to match. I always find it a little funny when I am contacted by someone who has ticked the box "No do not like Pets" I would think by my pic that it would be pretty obvious that I do....or I suppose that could be a fatty stuffed furry toy that I am holding!

Posted by: iaminperth at April 3, 2008 7:41 PM

Someone I would venture to say (hope this doesn't provoke another catty reaction) who is not ready for marriage yet.

woodnwine at April 3, 2008 9:06 AM:

Oh dear oh-whiney-one, no need to get your knickers in a twist.
Or count your three blogs on this topic to my one (excluding this one reply).

There, do you feel better?
Now you've had your mini PMS hissy fit and someone has actually taken notice of it?

Posted by: justsaying at April 3, 2008 7:22 PM

PS....My profile is hidden now and again....I need to so I can concentrate on work during the day....the reason is not sinister or evil...:-)
Have a lovely evening..the weekend is almost here...yay!!!
Cheers,
B.

Posted by: bm1960 at April 3, 2008 7:09 PM

Oops...I posted twice....
Cheers,
B.

Posted by: bm1960 at April 3, 2008 6:36 PM

Hi Perth.
No I am not Timewarp in any way shape or form. No desire to have his hectic life style. Perth I am completly self sufficeint in every way, the only thing lacking is the companionship of a suitable lady companion, just that. If I find a like minded person with the same understanding fine,if not, nothing much is going to change from now is it. In your age group the frantic search for a life partner is paramount,maybe it is worry about losing looks, putting on weight or a hundred of other reasons, but I am under no pressure at all, I have met some very nice people and am corresponding with some now, some have decided that I am not what they are looking for and some I have decided their demands are not what I want so we have a mutual and polite parting and is not that what this site is about.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at April 3, 2008 6:10 PM

In answer to the topic heading.....2 words...'absolutely no'. I have a happy life and don't imagine changing it in the foreseeable future, but perhaps later down the track. A partner would be nice, but I am not in a rush to get married or co-habitate just yet. A good saying is 'Fools rush in where angels fear to tread'...I am neither a fool or an angel though!!!!! Well, mayhaps a bit of a fool sometimes...:-)
Cheers to all,
B.

Posted by: bm1960 at April 3, 2008 5:15 PM

In answer to the topic heading.....2 words...'absolutely no'. I have a happy life and don't imagine changing it in the foreseeable future, but perhaps later down the track. A partner would be nice, but I am not in a rush to get married or co-habitate just yet. A good saying is 'Fools rush in where angels fear to tread'...I am neither a fool or an angel though!!!!! Well, mayhaps a bit of a fool sometimes...:-)
Cheers to all,
B.

Posted by: bm1960 at April 3, 2008 4:58 PM

I'm lost here I asked if Oldergent was Timewarp in disguise not a 63 year old woman ! yikes Also I am not being condescent I do think that most men like their creature comforts a lot and would be perfectly happy doing all their blokey things in a calm way and then going home to a woman for food sex and sleep. I'm not being condescending at all I just believe that is the way it is. Sure you can haul them out of their comfort zones but I think most crave a simpler life than we expect them to be able to live and cope with.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 3, 2008 4:24 PM

WnW, not if l had a sock in my pocket......
But then if l had a sock in my pocket l guess l wouldn't need much else eh?.........K

Posted by: auntykaz at April 3, 2008 4:00 PM

Thanks Kianee - many of us can get beyond the basic impulses.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 3, 2008 3:01 PM

continuation of my previos blog which seems to be missing .......I have a different perception of men,and somehow think that most men have more on their minds than work, food, sex and sleep, otherwise I would not be on RSVP.

Posted by: kianee at April 3, 2008 1:46 PM

Woodnwine thank you for april 2nd @ 3.01, And Junebaby @4.28

Iaminperth :re april 2nd @ 4.20, no, I am not timewarp in diguise, I do not play charades
To me your posts of april the 2nd @11.14 and again 4.20 appear to be quite condesending to most males.
Comments like; …… “I don't really think that men think about a lot more than their jobs, whether they're hungry or want sex.”
Or again…….” Men, whilst they can be lovely creatures are really very simple souls”
Then …….“Just look at a male if he gets a cold or a headache, oh boo hoo and women push a huge baby out of a very tender spot on their body”
And again at 4.30
“I simply said I believe them at heart to be rather simple creatures meaning simple needs who like food, sex and sleep. I mean cook a man a really nice meal with a couple of glasses of wine and most think they have died and gone to heaven”
Do you really think men are this simple?
I have a different perception of men,and somehow think that most men have more on their minds than

Posted by: kianee at April 3, 2008 11:48 AM

I recall being told by someone in the sex post that it was wromg, or just like a bloke to look at the picture, but when all the toes were pointing upwards, when some should have been pointing downwards seemed odd.

Picking the bit that doesnt match is good in my line of work.

I had chosen not to comment on the picture, it is a windy overcast day, that could rain anytime, he looks like he is getting ready to run. On the blanket, they could not sit further away from each other.

Posted by: virgil at April 3, 2008 11:22 AM

Blueeyes.
Sorry, I just picked up on yours of the 2/7@4.27, No reference to any of yours, purely in response to Marcus, it was the vision of the Faceless sniper buzzing around the posts to lay his maggots on that set me off.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at April 3, 2008 10:42 AM

justsaying - I think you'll find my mental health comment was spot on if you got out more instead of justsaying everything.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 3, 2008 9:06 AM

auntykaz - but would you be able to find the note?

Posted by: woodnwine at April 3, 2008 9:02 AM

whoops...that should read "keep a sock in our pocket" ... (not in Auntykaz's pocket)

Posted by: waterbombe at April 3, 2008 6:15 AM

Is this a boring topic? Everyone seems to be off topic here. Most of the bloggers are apparently divorced, Karina. Perhaps a better topic would be "Are you ready for married life again?" The postings would be short though. By the sound of things most people would post No. But that's understandable, given the horrors that lead to divorce...I just don't believe people leave their marriages easily. Most of us put up with some shocking stuff before we go, especially if we have children. I agree, Auntykaz, it's really important to leave all that behind you...we should all keep a sock in your pocket to stuff in our mouths before we open it to bag our ex...there's nothing less attractive. Oh, Marcus, you could keep the sock in your pocket so you look more appealing, in an evolutionary way, I mean.

Posted by: waterbombe at April 3, 2008 6:13 AM

From one extreme to another it seems.

>" "A dog, a woman and a walnut tree -
the more ye beat 'em, the better they be."
>Both strike me as a bit too much of a good thing." Posted by: timewarp1 at April 2, 2008 12:25 AM.

What tha??????????? The original dinosaur seems to be retreating deeper into his cave of primeval "strike me" primitiveness.

Contrasted by theotheroldApe aka oldergent at April 2, 2008 5:49 PM who wrote he was formerly trained in Pitman's shorthand, no less but doesn't know the difference between a hem and seam when prattling on about his housewifely skills.
Will the self-serving OOA/OG ever stop???
(Shall we all synchronise our rap chant to "Will the right man stand up, stand up, stand up?")
If a woman wrote about house chores on this blog (seeing as it's nothing to do with the topic) no doubt it would be ho hum, so what, the little woman is just doing what she's designed to do.

Is it no wonder OG signed off as "Oc"....perhaps finally signifying his equality to women in one "area" at least.

This is also complemented by our oh so sensitive one, WnW at April 2, 2008 6:12 PM, who goes on to prove how multi-tasking his assets really are with advice on feng shui at April 2, 2008 7:49 PM but losing it with, >"concentrate on the mental health checks?", at April 2, 2008 8:19 AM.
Why does the old phrase "physician, heal thyself first" arise (or limp, as the case may be) to mind with his reference?

Now onto another contradiction (honestly, blokes; it's amazing how some of you seem to be PMSing, pre, post and mid menopausal -all at the same time, with your behaviour on here):

virgil's criticism at April 1, 2008 10:29 PM (this is an April Fool's joke, right?)
>"Just saying, if I thought something was a piece of crap, I am not backward in saying it. .... unlike yourself. I stand up for what I believe in."

So, "VirgilSaying" -"if I thought something was a piece of crap, I am not backward in saying it", is okay.

But, NOT VALID when "JustSaying" is "not backward in saying it"?
Virginnia, you have to make up your mind, mate, which side of fairness you're on and stick to it.

The comment of yours, >"I stand up for what I believe in", usually means you allow other people the privilege of doing so, too.
Or, am I and others, not allowed that privilege, simply because YOU SAY SO?

I think you've earned the privilege of being called a right so and so, with your petulance (as per oohlala1's following comment).

oohlala1 said at April 2, 2008 8:40 AM re the Virgin,
>"This man reminds me of all the older men in my culture who think they rule the women and when they cant they are scathing and petulant in reply."

On the subject of replies, poor old IaminPerth certainly does get a whipping and mangling of her OWN considered opinions. Is she being witchified for expressing her experienced knowledge, as bluntly as a man?

An oestrogen input and nice save with aliane at April 1, 2008 9:38 PM,
>"You are ALL my Blog-Friends & Friends Without Benefits."

A classic, riversong at April 1, 2008 9:40 PM
>" Umm... re the blog "Are you ready for married life" - I guess from all the bickering in here, the answer is no ;)"
You've hit it right on the head. From the bigger one, too. Gosh, darn, what a shame you're only a woman!!! This last comment of course, is just a sop and suck up, to the little head thinkers.

So where is there a balance in rational, fair and considered opinions from the male side?

I've got a proposal in addition to the blog topic's:
Will the real men speak up, speak up, speak up?
(Repetitive training of neurones may work yet.)

Posted by: justsaying at April 3, 2008 2:11 AM

oohlala, fair comment from a feeder of peoples.
I was wondering about the picnickers too. I think hes having a go at her. Granny smith cooking apples (or is it pears?) and greenish bananas and nothing for the rolls.
He is wondering seriously about future homemaking skills. She is wondering what she is doing with a bloke who wears his muscle shirt after 3 weeks at the gym and sets up the picnic in the wave zone.
Both wish they had brought a windcheater.

Posted by: laughsandtalks at April 3, 2008 12:46 AM

Virgil @ 8.05pm: Don't fret, mate. Think what the terms really mean:

1) The alpha male just does what always worked for millions of years, or he would have been bred out long ago. He goes back past apes, baboons, langur monkeys, stallions, bulls, rams ...

You try to protect your missus and kids from all the dangers they face, including starvation, freezing to death, dangerous predators from lions to crocodiles - and other males who are hoping to kill you and your kids, before recruiting your missus to perpetuate their bloodline instead of yours.

Thank the alpha males in your bloodline, generation after generation, who together with their infant-succouring females, brought your bloodline as far as you.

2) Any other kind of male is an anomaly - a luxury of civilisation, and its employment of police and others, both to keep the peace and to feed the incapable or unmotivated, so that you don't have to do that for yourself all the time.

I read somewhere that until the 1960s couples' hopes were to avoid bad things happening to them, so they could raise their kids in peace.

Then suddenly in the 60s, the idea spread that people DESERVE to be able to be HAPPY all the time, instead of just hoping not to be too unhappy too often.

That really raised the ante, because It moved the spotlight from our responsibilities to our rights.

Women started pushing for more than just the vote that their grandmothers had padlocked themselves onto fences to secure.

Including better treatment from their men, and even the chance to survive and prosper without a man.

Enter the Sensitive New Age Guy or SNAG, armed only with "pretty please", instead of "bloody do what I tell yer, woman, or I'll black yer eye!"

Which meant that he HAD to have a self-serving tongue, to turn "please" into "please, and this is why you should..."

The response was varied. Some women pounced on doormat males, so that they could turn the traditional tables and bully or ignore them. Been there myself, and won't be back. Ever.

Some women spurned the doormat with their foot, and lusted after someone more uncontrollable and therefore more exciting - a young alpha looking for somewhere to sow his oats.

Including almost all the teenage girls in my circle. Their mothers would say "That young Bill ....... has such lovely manners. What about him?" And they'd say "He'd probably even ask you for a kiss - 100% safe and that's dead boring. I want to feel my virtue's under siege every minute of the date, or it's no fun!"

And some women turned their back on both alpha and omega, and were more openly gay than their aunts had been.

3) And then there's OldGeezer72, now renamed OG.

Virgil mate, putting himself up as a 3rd alternative was just a lovely tongue-in-cheek stir, and look how many took the bait! Good fishing, Robert!

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 3, 2008 12:15 AM

Virg.
I did give all males the option of choice. I am surprised that all the males on the site did not come down on the "me" side. But when you came swinging down from the trees to my amazement, I wondered about your transformation from a "me" to Tarzan and wondered if there were any "Janes" going to follow you, no wonder the males stayed in the background, wanting to see the "Janes" come forth ( and no doubt to check out the profiles) .

Virgil I did not describe you as anything, you did that yourself, in that case. yes "you were wrong". Yes you are clearly not me to the satisfaction of both of us.

Ohlala.
I have been watching that picture from the start of the blog and thinking how much nicer it would have been. Put beside a small mountain river with the young couple glistening with the cold water on naked bodies. Him opening the gourd of Grappa and the sheet spread with the bread and salamis, cheeses, bowls of pickled olives and garlic, the dills, the figs and dates some dried plums and the sour creams, and her thinking Oh, paradise is enow, him thinking I got this right. I wonder why the young people do not do this now. Oh for the yesterdays of our youth.

Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at April 2, 2008 11:09 PM

Perth, just make sure your feet aren't pointing in the direction of the doorway or a mirror. Also bedhead not in front of window. Regardless of which way house faces etc, these are important. Usually if it feels right to you it is.. Good luck.. "G"

Posted by: amdoingit at April 2, 2008 10:46 PM

Geez l can't organise my life let alone my bedroom laminperth!!

Seriously though l like to have my window open as well just a bit of fresh air circulating, and leave my drapes open as l like to see the stars and the moon when in bed. Is that anything to do with feng shui ??
Dont know much about it, which is probably why l can't organise my life !!! ....Memo to self...must try a bit harder to be organised...............K

Posted by: auntykaz at April 2, 2008 10:14 PM

Hinterlandlover Today 6:38

Err, isn't it best to organise your bedroom so everything fits, is accesible and you can move around easily.

Iampert. Today, often.
Haha. Keep em coming.
From one of the simple souls who's gender efforts in science, engineering and social organisation have helped double life expectancy and given living condition improvements that make life in 21st century Australia a paradise for most.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at April 2, 2008 8:06 PM

Seems that we have 3 types of male on this site "The rip roaring Alpha ape" "The self serving SNAG" "Then me" the only one that seems normal. Take your pick gentlemen. lol.
Cheers OG
Posted by: oldergent at April 2, 2008 1:43 PM
When you described 3 types of male here it seemed to me you have broken our truce by describing me as a self serving snag, as the only alternative was yourself or an alpha ape?

I am clearly not you.

I would not see myself as an alpha ape

so I can only assume you have described me as a self seeking snag?

am I wrong?

Posted by: virgil at April 2, 2008 8:05 PM

That picnic doesnt look very appetising. What is it a couple of dry rolls and boring fruit. Any wonder he doesnt look happy.

Posted by: oohlala1 at April 2, 2008 8:03 PM

True woody, the hems go round and round I was refering to the reading and response of the posts, now I am going to hide before the Virg come swinning down for the trees and severly tries to emasculate me again.lol
Cheers OG.
Hi hinter,
you are right but it is not always possible with the head direction but the feet are the next best thing so I have been told

Posted by: oldergent at April 2, 2008 8:01 PM

Pastor Eagle.
That enrepres is pretty, sassy and smart and a bit of a handful- and 47. You are smack, bang ;-} in her age range to.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at April 2, 2008 7:50 PM

hinterlandlover - sleeping position in feng shui is more involved than this. It depends on things like whether you are an East or West person, the position in the house of the bedroom and where the bed is in relation to the door/doors.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 2, 2008 7:49 PM

iaminperth@11.20pm: don't know much about feng shui, but I believe it's best to have your bed facing north/south, so that you're sleeping with your head facing north ... i know this is off topic, but perhaps more relevant in the loooong run. cheers

Posted by: hinterlandlover at April 2, 2008 6:38 PM

OG - hemming from bottom to top? I thought hems went around the bottom of the legs???

Posted by: woodnwine at April 2, 2008 6:12 PM

Just back from hemming up my new winter daks./ from the bottom to the top.

Marcus,@ 2.31.pm
true in every sense, flys stick in honey and happily buzz around the dead meat, loved the comment. Also I had a beauty in reply to your one on the emale Ej, it seems to me that the fair Karina got too excited to post it and exed it (no doubt to later include it in her memoirs as a blog mistress)

Enpres @2.34 pm
I dips me lid to a lady of wisdom and experience. spot on with the observations.
ME, that will cost you a stamp lol. ( the lol was to stir up virg again)

and now to you dear Virg, @ 2.38 pm goodness gracious me, I gave you three choices, now you come out roaring like a bull Ape. What happened to our truce? Like Darwin I have been watching the evolution of the species, why the regression I fully expected you to join us as the only sane ones. As to be full of it, only till about 7.30 am, regular as clockwork, the benifit of good living, I will leave you to judge those self serving snags, I think I am above that. Oh the "lol" bit years,back when I was studying Pitmans we often used these things to save time ( like it was a hundred and forty WPM to get to Hansard). Nice to see the youngsters catching up! Virg there are a lot of others older and younger on his site that I am taking lessons from. Pity you are not one of them. You have the same choice I have when I see the no show sniper having a go at me, Ignore it.
Marcus you are starting to be a gentleman, these later day Alpha Apes could be a worry.
Cheers Oc

Posted by: oldergent at April 2, 2008 5:49 PM

oldergent @ 1.43
"The rip roaring Alpha ape" "The self serving SNAG" "Then me"
If they are our only choice, what hope do we have?
The Alpha Ape-probably a good root and nothing else.
The SNAG-would probably talk us to distraction about how great a root he is and how he respects us blah blah
You-the normal root
:-))))
You-

Posted by: enrepres at April 2, 2008 2:34 PM

hmmm if you felt like doing it with your dad enerpres (25year age difference)

Posted by: virgil at April 2, 2008 5:21 PM

I did a search at lunchtime today and was amazed at the number of women who don't have more than about 20 words in their entire profile ..
. Posted by: woodnwine at April 2, 2008 1:57 PM
woody-there are many men's profiles who don't say much either. Gender equity here.

OG- what is 'normal' these days. The older I get the more I wonder what is normal in any age group.
Marcus- flies like to breed in a dead carcass but in honey they just get stuck.Was the rest of your comment in reply to something I wrote?

Posted by: blueeyes1955 at April 2, 2008 4:57 PM

Oh yes WnW totally agree with what you said about our prior relationships.

How can people "move on" with some of the stuff they still carry...

One example was a man l met for coffee once.
Referred to his ex wife in less than complimentary terms.
Now whether or not she was what he said, l did not need to hear it....Needless to say it was a meeting not repeated....
Granted when we are involved in a bad relationship breakdown the hurt is difficult to overcome....however.....
When we have negativity in our lives, how can we be ever look toward new realtionships???. God l sound like Carrie Bradshaw..........................K

Posted by: auntykaz at April 2, 2008 4:28 PM

Sorry, typo, my post should have read

�Ladies look at yourselves for the kind of men (you want) in your lives: You have the choice, so choose the men who (are) worthy of you."

Posted by: kianee at April 2, 2008 4:27 PM

kaz and kianee, yes you are both right, and also sensible, there is 2 sides to everything, and good and bad in both men and women.....

so, back to the question, so we stick on topic, would you get married again?

My answer is still, I honestly don't know!!.
But I do want people in my life who are genuine, caring and want to be with me and share our lives.

Question: in this day and often confusing age, will one person fulfil all our wants/needs/love, or do we need a range of people in our lives, so that we are/or can become, balanced, loved and sane people???

Have fun pondering...jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at April 2, 2008 4:24 PM

Kianee whenever have I said that men are the root of all evil, are you timewarp in disguise. I really feel sorry for men at the moment as I believe they are being treated very badly and most of my best friends are men because they are fun and easy going and like to sit around and eat and have a glass of wine and a good laugh. I simply said I believe them at heart to be rather simple creatures meaning simple needs who like food, sex and sleep. I mean cook a man a really nice meal with a couple of glasses of wine and most think they have died and gone to heaven. I can't sit around with a load of giggly women, talking crap and wondering whose boobs are going to shoot out of their tops first. I can, however, and do quite often have lunch or breakfast with one women who is articulate, successful with the most wicked dry sense of humour and she is fabulous and interesting.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 2, 2008 4:20 PM

"Whatever the reason, l think that our "relationship" problems are a scar on us that sometimes never completely heals.......................K"

Posted by: auntykaz at April 2, 2008 3:12 PM

I know some people have had it tough in the past but I urge people not to carry that over into new relationships if at all possible. I have no bitterness about my marriage ... nothing to get over (OK, except the diminished bank account), just a couple of lessons learnt and hopefully the wiser for it.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 2, 2008 3:43 PM

Oh dear me we have got caught up in some argumentative stuff today.....
I like to acknowledge that there are good and bad in both sexes, have seen both, and yes they can scrape the very bottom of the barrel.
I prefer to concentrate on the ones who enrich my life, male and female. They are worth so much time and effort.

I think the majority here would say that a trip down the aisle would not be on the agenda for them, is this a lack of faith after a broken relationship ??

Is it a lack of trust on their behalf maybe??

Whatever the reason, l think that our "relationship" problems are a scar on us that sometimes never completely heals.......................K

Posted by: auntykaz at April 2, 2008 3:12 PM

"Ladies look at yourselves for the kind of men in your lives: You have the choice. So choose the men who worthy of you, "
Posted by: kianee at April 2, 2008 2:13 PM

Very nicely said.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 2, 2008 3:01 PM

Men, whilst they can be lovely creatures are really very simple souls
Posted by: iaminperth at April 2, 2008 11:14 AM

How patronising

Posted by: virgil at April 2, 2008 2:43 PM

OG you are still full of it, whats this lol?

you, affecting the terminology of the younger generation to make yourself seem contemporary and therefore younger and "relevant".

Do you feel that all of those that are not of your warped sense of right and wrong, are self serving snags?

Arent you just wonderful, a legend in your own mind. You have a bloke of your own age here to take lessons from.

The sweetness and light of recent times is shown to be what it was, just an act. You dont advance your cause by denigrating others.

Those you describe as Alpha apes, have intelligence, their posts are witty and satirical, whereas yours are just bitter and twistred and mean.lol

Get real lol.

Posted by: virgil at April 2, 2008 2:35 PM

oldergent @ 1.43
"The rip roaring Alpha ape" "The self serving SNAG" "Then me"
If they are our only choice, what hope do we have?
The Alpha Ape-probably a good root and nothing else.
The SNAG-would probably talk us to distraction about how great a root he is and how he respects us blah blah
You-the normal root
:-))))
You-

Posted by: enrepres at April 2, 2008 2:34 PM

Blueeyes.
You catch more flies with a dead carcass than honey. Haha

FWB . When a woman has the power and the man is compliant andweak, you call it a marriage. From the man she has trapped, it is a sham with sex.
Cheers MS

Posted by: laughsandtalks at April 2, 2008 2:31 PM

Iaminperth
I am a woman too, and I very strongly disagree with your last post.
Men alone are not the root of all evil, …. Women have a little hand in that also……….. Men are people good, bad, or ugly.
just as women are people, good, bad or ugly.
Some Men may create some problems, other men fix some problems.
Women create a lot of problems too, and also fix problems

Women have children and men die in war.

Some men are heroic, some women are heroic. Some men are cowards, some women are cowards.

Personally some men have created bedlam in my life, and other men (compassionate, gentle and caring) have helped me up again. Ladies look at yourselves for the kind of men in your lives: You have the choice. So choose the men who worthy of you,

Posted by: kianee at April 2, 2008 2:13 PM

Slightly off topic but not much ... in line with what myself and others have said a bit earlier, I think the reason some people on RSVP may not be happy with the type of people they attract is because they don't bother saying much in their profiles. I did a search at lunchtime today and was amazed at the number of women who don't have more than about 20 words in their entire profile ... how am I to learn anything from that? So, inevitably, people just look at photos and are then surprised when they actually meet the person that they have nothing in common. Hello ...... you wouldn't advertise your house like this so why advertise yourself like this?

I strongly urge everyone to take 10 minutes and write a profile that clearly describes you, what you like doing, what your values are and what you would like from a relationship. Isn't it worth 10 minutes of your time ... or heaven forbid, maybe more?

Posted by: woodnwine at April 2, 2008 1:57 PM

Seems that we have 3 types of male on this site "The rip roaring Alpha ape" "The self serving SNAG" "Then me" the only one that seems normal. Take your pick gentlemen. lol.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at April 2, 2008 1:43 PM

iaminperth - OK, I'm going to disagree strongly with you on your last post. Can I suggest you try meeting a different type of man in the future? Maybe less alpha male and someone a bit more compassionate and interested in life, love, emotional issues etc. They (we) are out there ... trust me.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 2, 2008 12:04 PM

creativestuart - your sentiments are easily understood. I really do think some RSVPers should be on other sites that cater more for flings, casual sex etc.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 2, 2008 11:36 AM

What's the old saying "if you lay down with dogs you are bound to get fleas" - If you behave like a slut (male and female) you will be treated like a slut. Also this is said without being condescending or nasty or judgemental but I don't really think that men think about a lot more than their jobs, whether they're hungry or want sex. All this other female stuff gets heaped on them and they either agree to everything and then escape or argue. Men, whilst they can be lovely creatures are really very simple souls and have been cast into all this turmoil by some very aggressive females. Just look at a male if he gets a cold or a headache, oh boo hoo and women push a huge baby out of a very tender spot on their body after carrying junior around for 9 months and they say yay, I need a drink. Fascinating beings really and very amusing at times.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 2, 2008 11:14 AM

Yes, I agree too. I think a lot of younger girls fall in love with the thought of being married. They are happy with the concept of the guy working eight hours a day but feel resentful if they are expected to do the same, whether stay at home or out in the workplace. If the woman then has children 'to complete the picture' which is already flawed, that brings with it more work and more arguments but still are we adding up to the correct balance 8 hours for 8hours. I don't believe it is just going to happy without someone keeping a score and in doing that it is going to cause problems. I have raised children and worked full time and yes, the house did come last at times, but we bumbled thru and all survived, without children it does not take 8 hours a day to look after a house and maybe cook a meal or anywhere near to it and yet a lot of women seem to want to gain all the rewards for half the commitment. Not to say this doesn't happen in reverse but I believe there is always two sides to every story, however, when there is violence from either side in a relationship this is time for serious professional help and if necessary call it quits.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 2, 2008 11:06 AM

troyohboy - without being rude to anyone, I think a lot of the time we (myself included) get what we deserve. If we all really think about it ... why did we attract the type of person we did? And why do some people continue to attract the same type of person over and over again even after being hurt?

I have tried to learn from past mistakes as I am sure many have but how often do you hear people saying things like "why do I get all the dickheads?" or "do I have a target painted on my forehead?" ... well, think about it.

Posted by: woodnwine at April 2, 2008 10:48 AM

I don't know why RSVP bothers with these blogs, It would actually be interesting to discuss the topics but they just seem to get lost in everything but the topic.

With the trivial way so many seem to treat rellationships it is no wonder there are so many single and indeed hurt other people. No wonder those of us who are indeed genuine are finding it difficult!

As for FWB how crass is that arrangement! Sex is about celebrating love, not an amusement park ride!

Being in a relationship is about sharing, not selfishness and it is obvious there are far to many selfish people and thus they are single.

When you are willing to share and build something together and actually know what commitment and caring are about, then you might be ready for marriage.

Posted by: creativestuart at April 2, 2008 10:32 AM

Virgil, the treat 'em mean etc is not my view of how a healthy relationship should work but something I have noticed in many other peoples relationships over the years. This is most especially evident amongst younger women, I think and it becomes a part of the cycle ending in divorce. What I mean is that, often, a young woman, and I'm talking late teens into twenties, defines herself by her relationship as a blokes girlfriend/fiance/wife. The bloke is used to calling the shots, being in control as this is what the woman encourages. As they grow older the woman matures and, more and more, wants to control her own destiny and to grow. This is all very right and proper. She starts to feel repressed and controlled by the bloke, he doesn't know what she's talking about, it's always been this way. Woman says "that's it I'm out of here you control freak, I want to be me". Bloke thinks "where did that come from"? I have attempted to keep this as short as possible as really long blogs lose me so forgive me if I haven't delved into all the psychology. I'll leave that to you and Boyd. My question is; If the bloke is behaving as he always has, and the woman used to like it this way, who is more at fault when the relationship fails?

Posted by: troyohboy at April 2, 2008 9:57 AM

Well said Oohlala, totally agree. Very condescending at times.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 2, 2008 9:13 AM

Virgil this is a blog, not a retirement home, nobody let's things go. It was an opinion of his writing nothing else. TW has a habit of not replying to blog topics but judging the writer of the blog whether he deems them to be nice or not and can be veriy scathing and incorrect in his comments as to what he thinks of them personally. I believe, his story was very self serving and I believe his comments after when he spat the dummy are also self serving and designed to draw attention to himself.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 1, 2008 11:27 PM

I agree with iaminpert. I have not been here for very long but am reading the blogs three months or more. This man reminds me of all the older men in my culture who think they rule the women and when they cant they are scathing and petulant in reply. Makes me shudder as it is not good for the esteem of the woman. It is why society is still not giving women their proper place. Action of those who keep glass ceiling wherer it is. This man writes like he is ruler of the blogs or the sandpit. I hate that word and when I see it I want to run to the playground and find new open minded friends to play with who will not judge me.
Saintly Virgil even used words like- I think TW might feel that a relative newcomer and female, might have said your piece in a more considered and less hurtfull manner.

Posted by: virgil at April 1, 2008 8:53 AM

And female- what does this mean?

This is public blog and not the old mens club. Because you all defer to these old gentlemen you get the boring blog.

Posted by: oohlala1 at April 2, 2008 8:40 AM

One thing that has amazed me from meeting and chatting to women on RSVP (and I'm sure they are a fairly typical slice of society) is how many have survived marriages that involved violence, mental abuse, infedelity and being treated with complete disdain by their husbands. Firstly, I am amazed that there are so many complete cretons out there that would treat women like this and secondly I am worried whether these women can truly trust someone else and really form a lasting relationship again.

Personally, I think this is why the other topic is running hot ... because some of these women see a FWB as much easier than risking their emotions again after previous experiences. So where does that leave us men that are genuinely looking for a long term relationship? I really see that as a problem and this is possibly why so much aggression sometimes comes out in the blogs.

It's almost like some of us have to carry references including statements that we have never been charged with stalking, have never been issued with a DVO, have managed to remain faithful to a partner, have endured a bad relationship without resorting to violence or mental abuse. Maybe forget the sexual health checks and concentrate on the mental health checks?

Posted by: woodnwine at April 2, 2008 8:19 AM

But you were wrong about HerinPerth. Whenever I've commented on anything she's written (usually positively, if anyone could be bothered counting), she's immediately claimed "I neversaidit! No I never!" So I've given up on her. Not worth the effort. Simple as that, Kaz and others.................Here we go again, very rude, very untrue but whatever, can't be bothered all too boring.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 2, 2008 7:52 AM

Hi all. Tennis was so good tonight - 8 on 2 courts, so no time wasted sitting around waiting for your next turn. All go.

Sunrize @ 7.23pm: Thank you for adding your support to my right to embarrass our most-patient readers with a more-detailed review than you usually get of what I'd done that hadn't worked for me.

And you're right. A lot of comment has erupted as a result.

But what interested me was how true to themselves the commentators were, from Virgil's ever-decent calls for tolerance and freedom of speech, to invisible lurker JustSlagging's usual attitude to everyone but himself.

Cousin Kaz @ 9.48pm and last night: Looks like you were right. The lesson for other gentle men has been lost in the crossfire.

But you were wrong about HerinPerth. Whenever I've commented on anything she's written (usually positively, if anyone could be bothered counting), she's immediately claimed "I neversaidit! No I never!" So I've given up on her. Not worth the effort. Simple as that, Kaz and others.

Troyohboy @ 9.30am: The older version of "treat 'em mean and keep 'em keen" is

"A dog, a woman and a walnut tree -
the more ye beat 'em, the better they be."

Both strike me as a bit too much of a good thing. From my own experience, I'd go only as far as saying

A strong woman deserves an assertive man who'll stand up to her - her match, not a doormat.

Bedtime, dears.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 2, 2008 12:25 AM

Virgil this is a blog, not a retirement home, nobody let's things go. It was an opinion of his writing nothing else. TW has a habit of not replying to blog topics but judging the writer of the blog whether he deems them to be nice or not and can be veriy scathing and incorrect in his comments as to what he thinks of them personally. I believe, his story was very self serving and I believe his comments after when he spat the dummy are also self serving and designed to draw attention to himself.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 1, 2008 11:27 PM

Well now that this blog has descended into complete nothingness, can anyone tell me which way you should sleep. In Feng Sui is it with your feet towards the window, or head, or whatever. I like my window open at night, winter and summer but am thinking of moving the furniture around. I like the fresh air and also have some beautiful plants outside.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 1, 2008 11:20 PM

Just saying, if I thought something was a piece of crap, I am not backward in saying it.

I also have the courage to display my profile, unlike yourself. I stand up for what I believe in.

I felt then, as I do now the most self serving crap is delivered by politicians, and I mentioned The Courts, Richard & his Dad, Graham Kierath and Brian Burke.

I would like to be healthy and vital, playing tennis at 72, and if I told my story, would like to think that it could be left, and those who didnt like it be polite enough to just let it go.

Posted by: virgil at April 1, 2008 10:29 PM

Virgil, it is not unusual for women who have been treated poorly by a partner to end up in the same situation in following relationships. I know of women who seen to pick the same types each time.Personally ,as the mean treatment started, that's when I ended my marriage.I grew up with a rather mean and disciplinarian type father and have no desire to revisit this in any situation.
"You catch more flies with honey then vinegar"

Posted by: blueeyes1955 at April 1, 2008 10:08 PM

Maybe Timewarp just can't be bothered with someone whom he thinks has insulted him Justsaying.

Which of course he is free to do as all are.

Not everyone likes to read Timewarp's writings, as some have expressed, if so just don't read it is my thinking.....I don't myself at times (no offence TW), but hey is it really worth the shit ???............K

Posted by: auntykaz at April 1, 2008 9:48 PM

Umm... re the blog "Are you ready for married life" - I guess from all the bickering in here, the answer is no ;)

Posted by: riversong1 at April 1, 2008 9:40 PM

Blueeyes.....Yes, very interesting to know him, he given me his mobile and landline to ring him but I didn't call him. I'm thankful to the dentist spent stamp on me and wasted for some kind of egos and misunderstanding and to others previous too....I don't push hard of my fate. I still believed my belief..
Meet him, nothing wrong about that...who knows this is your destiny.

The ABC to Z zoo....yes I have quite contacts before, I cannot remember All their names, I deleted my profile 5 times, so lost causes of all my contacts...As of ABC, I can help you but you should give me more clues.

I would like to make an" Announcement " few friends asking some question......Please have Peace of Mind. ....I am NOT in contact to anybody...the 2 remaining guys are not bloggers and they don't know I'm blogging. Including few of my old Contacts.... You are ALL my Blog-Friends & Friends Without Benefits....I don't have any idea what's going on here...I just love responding everyone in fairness. Please Trust Me....God Bless ALL. ( sorry for off-topics )

Posted by: aliane at April 1, 2008 9:38 PM

Timewarp that is so sad and also the most self serving piece of crap I have ever read in my life.

Posted by: iaminperth at March 31, 2008 9:35 PM.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

A shame some of the Virgin-like male bloggers on here or the geriatric Old Boys club, haven't got the same courage.

Dinosaur 1 just spat the dummy and all kid-like (second or third childhood state,) said he wasn't going to talk to iaminperth anymore.

Probably, he's going down to the end of the garden to eat worms.

Maybe that's what accounts for one of his lacks?

Posted by: justsaying at April 1, 2008 8:31 PM

In relation to TW and his 'unusual' marriage it once again proves that with many women one has to 'treat 'em mean to keep 'em keen'

Posted by: troyohboy at April 1, 2008 9:30 AM

Troy, I dont agree with the idea of treating women mean, I believe in treating people with respect, men or women.

I dont know if that saying is true for you.

I would wonder if other bloggers feel that theory is a way they would like their relationships to work?

Posted by: virgil at April 1, 2008 8:15 PM

Just a line, troyboy, just a line l felt like writing as it came into my head.
You get that...............K

Posted by: auntykaz at April 1, 2008 7:56 PM

I agree Kas, no one is better than anyone else. What that has to do with who responds? Lost me there sorry.

Posted by: troyohboy at April 1, 2008 7:33 PM

timewarp1 your earlier post seems to have caused some commotion. I thank you for sharing that with us. I commend you on your bravery. There are lots of things we could all share, however until we feel comfortable enough that probably won't happen. Keep your chin up, positive thinking works - so I've been told. Perhaps one day I'll share a lot of information about my youngest son and the many operations he has had to face at such a young age - perhaps not - but you never know.

Deborah.

Posted by: sunrizesiesta at April 1, 2008 7:23 PM

YouareinPerth @ 3.54pm. We disagree again, and from now on I won't respond to what you post - not even to thank you when you delight me.

Virgil and Kaz: You are both right. Thanks. Must have a feed and then zoom off to tennis. Seeyezall.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 1, 2008 5:40 PM

Iaminperth, you, of course, hav every right to express your thoughts here as does everyone else....Timewarp included.

As l said earlier, l believe it wise to not put too much of ourselves out there, particularly personal stuff, and this is what Timewarp does. Not a criticism of him by any means just maybe an explaination of his lengthy posts.

As for there being a blog hierarchy (?), was that Troyohboy who said that???

Anyone who posts is welcome to Troy, no one is "better" than anyone else whatsoever in my humble opinion.
If my posts do not receive a response, big deal, couldn't really care less actually, if they do fine, whatever.
Arguing a point sometimes is a waste of time, energy and space, other times it is very worthy.

Our differing opinions and thoughts are pretty cool l think....................K

Posted by: auntykaz at April 1, 2008 4:51 PM

FWB is often a monogamous situation, where neither of the particpants are having sex with other partners, often long term, just that for one reason or another, the participants dont feel they want to call it a relationship.

In many cases, the thing is FWB rather than full on relationship because one partner chooses to call it that, and to all intents and purposes, it is a normal relationship.

Posted by: virgil at April 1, 2008 4:43 PM

Aliane, have no intention of meeting him- have only read the profile. Not sure whether his profile suggests that he wants to double his wardrobe or that its a chance for us girls to do the same . But a profile from a guy that writes 'he like to dress in girls' clothing" would I think send most girls running for the hills.It just amazes me what poeple write about themselves.
As to your comment ABc to z there is another profile that has lots of that in it, he did email me and repeatedly referred to this site as the A to Z zoo. Does that ring a bell too?

Posted by: blueeyes1955 at April 1, 2008 4:35 PM

Virgil, Bet I get much more loyalty, sincerity, truth and honesty with my FWB and very helpful as well. I don't think that screwing around has ever been a very attractive component of anyones lives and has caused heaps of problems and will continue to do so.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 1, 2008 4:00 PM

I believe that TW's blog is very self serving, and I have every right to say so if I wish. I wasn't under the impression that NannyVirgil was the moderator here and I stand by my comments and my right to voice them. Also TW's constant comments attributed to me in previous blogs show he is either being a trouble maker or a little off centre as most of the things he has said that I have posted I simply did not. This is a blog and unless the moderator says No, we are entitled to our opinion.

Posted by: iaminperth at April 1, 2008 3:54 PM

Time of Timewarp post 11.32am, Current Adelaide time 3.50pm, Melbourne time 4.20pm.

TW I thought Perth's comments were a bit over the top, ahh but you get that from someone who thinks FWB is looking after your dog when you go on holidays.

Posted by: virgil at April 1, 2008 3:23 PM

Amber @ 10.17am: Not post-nataal depression. Six months earlier. The change was instantaneous, the day her pregnancy was confirmed. Nothing else would ever distract her and risk getting her off her plotted life course.

At 66 she's still teaching, got her Masters 2 years ago, and now working on her PhD by correspondence.

As to our mutual friend J (since a famous Australian poet, and our house-guest on that fatal weekend - she was on the Warana talent lineup too), I believe the advice was given in good faith. She'd hoped to spare Joan from an unsatisfying marriage to a wimp, and me from one to a ball-breaker. Good on her.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 1, 2008 11:32 AM

YouareinPerth @ 9.35pm: I'm sorry that what you read was different from what I thought I wrote at 7.47pm.

My slant was to show how counter-productive my behaviour had been. I hoped to warn other men about how NOT to treat a strong-willed determined selfish alpha female.

And the string of self-describing adjectives that probably got furthest up your nose had been used to condemn me, not to glorify me. What worthwhile woman wants a wimp?

PS: I was interested to see how easily you snapped back into your earlier habitual critical-parent mode, after giving your delightful uncontaminated child a welcomed outing in the previous blog.

BlueEyes @ 8.22pm: Thank you. There was a heap of good in our marriage which I still value, and I was as happy as I deserved to be for the first 20 years. Her best wasn't just loveable - it was adorable. It just got a lot harder when that side of her disappeared completely.

I've toughened up a lot in my last 15 years as a recycled single - now ready and willing to make a whole set of completely different mistakes, next time around.

Virgil @ 8.53am: this is a one-class railway, mate, not a seniority-focussed public service. HerInPerth has every right to show her true colours from post number one. Like everyone else. That's what the blogs are for.

Marcus @ 7.47am: Thanks mate. Someone said that after 50 you should never see yourself or your partner nude - far too scary.

I had felt safe enough to let just a tiny bit of it all hang out in this particular blog, because others had, and for once, had not been seriously savaged. And that's civilised peer behaviour. Goodonyezall. Back to work now. Seeyez.

Posted by: timewarp1 at April 1, 2008 11:14 AM

Troy

I think it has to do with respect.

TW has been here much longer than me, and as such is worthy of having what he has to say, at least respected and not attacked, particularly in such a hard way.

Occasionally new bloggers come on and say really dumb stuff, but they are not criticised, but congratulated for coming on, and having their say.

I believe TW is due respect on that basis.

Besides how can what TW said compare with the self serving rantings of The Courts, Charlie & Richard, or maybe Graham Kierath, or Brian Burke?

Posted by: virgil at April 1, 2008 10:20 AM

Re: Timewarp's marriage
I thought Joan's friend wasn't exactly speaking from a "friend's" perspective; with friends like that you don't need enemies!!

Joan must have had her own reasons for becoming "a totally-withdrawn teetotal control freak, focussed on her teaching" after the birth of her 3rd child.
I know it wasn't something that was ever considered back then, but Post Natal Depression may well have been a factor in her withdrawal, and when no one understood, she withdrew even more.

Posted by: amberlight58 at April 1, 2008 10:17 AM

Go Boy.

Virgil is the unnoficial blog Pastor Troy.

He is a kind hearted, empathetic bloke who might have a sense that Warped is doing a few hard yards at the moment and clearing out the shed.

Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at April 1, 2008 9:57 AM

Virgil, what has perth's time blogging got to do with her right to express her view. She has as much right as a very old blogger such as yourself to say whatever. It is easy to detect the heirarchy amongst the regular bloggers however that does not exist for we newer contributors. Thank goodness.
In relation to TW and his 'unusual' marriage it once again proves that with many women one has to 'treat 'em mean to keep 'em keen'

Posted by: troyohboy at April 1, 2008 9:30 AM

Timewarp that is so sad and also the most self serving piece I have ever read in my life.

Posted by: iaminperth at March 31, 2008 9:35 PM

Hmm Perth, that is timewarps right to tell his story here, simply because he is a regular contributor here. I feel he might have expected Marcus or Richard to say something scathing, but from you, I think TW might feel that a relative newcomer and female, might have said your piece in a more considered and less hurtfull manner.

Posted by: virgil at April 1, 2008 8:53 AM

Auntkaz. 9:56 PM
Agree. Warped's effort was the written equivalent of the Full Monty with naked cartwheels.
I admire his courage though. Takes more guts for that sort of self revelation than to disrobe sometimes.
Cheers MS

Posted by: laughsandtalks at April 1, 2008 7:47 AM

Blueeyes1955.....I'm 100% he is the man your referring to me, he likes gold chain. Yes his name contain ABC to z, black n White pics. It should be good to have double wardrobe when you meet him. I'm no longer in contact with him, please don't mentioned my name as he doesn't know I'm blogging. Good Luck....

Hey Blueeyes, in the month of Feb to March I got 5 in contacts, 3 were gone, 2 still left, if you need further information ask me then without naming their names. Ha ha, just kidding>>>....

Posted by: aliane at April 1, 2008 7:20 AM

Junebaby
My profile is truthful*. I do not have kids. I have property and all the material trappings I want.
I was in a long relationship in my 20's and early 30's and helped raise a severely disabled girl with the rare OFD syndrome. My partner, the kids mother, had some plumbing problems and I lost a couple first trimester.
Ogre old cock re your cuffing of 3:43 PM yesterday. I have much life experience and relating it here will not serve my interests. Sometimes it falls a bit short though so I check up. What do you do? The runes?
Of course I Google, I have a reasonable non fiction library, numerous subscriptions, expert friends and go to the trouble of buying scientific research papers when I am particularly interested in a topic.( I have one on a serious study of female ejaculation if you are interested) I am also able to think laterally so sometimes learn from others experiences. I do not have Aspbergers syndrome which is sometimes suggested and I do empathise. I will admit I have a lot more concern for the earth and ecosystems rather than the plague of humans raping her.
Cheers Marcus

*With one small exception for which I apologise. I have rounded up my height from 5'' 7-3/4" to 5' 8"

Posted by: laughsandtalks at April 1, 2008 6:25 AM

Pastor Eagle.
The person in question was a friend of a friend who I met once. I suspect the same as you that there was cash money involved and an ATO subtext to the whole saga. The bloke ran a butchers shop in Malvern.
There was no defacto relationship involved
just the briefest fling at the time her lease expired.
I didn't say she ran off with 200 grand of his
and I don't think I inferred that. I said it cost him 200K. She did get a sizeable amount.
To me it is a story, funny and bitter and a lesson in life that I observed and learnt from without having my balls burnt.
Another story about the same Malvern butcher and what heartless bastards women are ;-}. He liked a drink and one night after a fruitless (read rootless) night on the town he rang a 0055 $3 a minute number. He got through and before he had even reached the vinegar stroke fell asleep. Ms on the other end of course left him connected and when he woke, realised he had been going for hours. Was billed the full amount by Telstra too, though I will double check on the amount before I post it. It was, I believe, over $1000. Haha.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at April 1, 2008 1:03 AM

scorp1011 @ 7.36pm: You are right - well, right for me anyway.

Only pain has ever made me a stronger person - or a nicer one. Especially the hard-to-bear continuous pain of teenage polio.

Posted by: timewarp1 at March 31, 2008 10:05 PM

Timewarp don't make the mistake of letting too much of yourself show, though that advice may be a tad late.
Always gives some the right to criticise what you say (so they think).

Keep some of yourself to yourself ...........K

Posted by: auntykaz at March 31, 2008 9:56 PM

Timewarp that is so sad and also the most self serving piece of crap I have ever read in my life.

Posted by: iaminperth at March 31, 2008 9:35 PM

Marcus

If your friend had been giving this girl receipts for rent paid for the majority of the 2 years, and declared the income to the tax dept, he probably wouldnt loose his house.

I suspect, that if, as soon as he saw this problem with defaco arising, if he had immediately declared the income to the ATO, maybe putting in an amended income tax return, even if he did it for both years, then he would get a small fine, but it might have saved his house.

Posted by: virgil at March 31, 2008 9:06 PM

Lucky escape Aliane with your "blessing in disguise", at March 31, 2008 3:40 PM

Posted by: scorp1011 at March 31, 2008 11:30 AM,
"Do I need to be married NO
Would I remarry ....Maybe",

is probably as good as it gets on this topic.

oldergent at March 31, 2008 3:43 PM to lynathdiary, said: "I just wish you would not react to his jibes�.

Funny, I thought lynath was being logical, concise and illuminating to some lesser qualified among us -with facts and experience.
(Similarly with junebaby57's experience at March 31, 2008 4:33 PM, >" those with no property and no kids......just don't understand those that do!!! And that is a fact!!!!!!")

Surely we wouldn't want ignorance to keep on reigning supreme on here and have poor old misunderstood Woodnwine, even further confused?

Like, Ogee's "Nil carborundum bastidum."
Obtain it from that little pig latin phrase of the RAF's, "Nil carborundum bastardum", did we?
(In other words, "Don't let the b*stards grind you down")
Or learn it back in your school days?

Og, do you also remember learning that it's bad manners to speak in company with a language that not everyone may understand?

Perhaps "we" should remember our manners.

After all, we wouldn't want to be guilty of further porcine lacks and setting a bad example to the young ones. They do tend to laugh and talk, behind the old ones' backs. No need to give them further ammunition.

Not like the other dinosaur's detailed and repeated description of his intimacies with the addition of his children's conceptions at March 31, 2008 7:47 PM.
Mate, ever heard of going to a therapist?
Or, have you already done that and forgotten all about it, like you have on here with your pity repetitions.

>"Seems the hard time just makes you stronger...",
posted by: scorp1011 at March 31, 2008 7:36 PM (hello, by the way,) doesn't seem to work with some.

And that is a fact!

Posted by: justsaying at March 31, 2008 8:36 PM

Aliane, does part of his profile rhyme with Larry.(2nd clue without naming)?
If so, I haven't met him but was quite amused by his profile. What he liked doing made me wonder whether I would double my wardrobe if I met him.

Posted by: blueeyes1955 at March 31, 2008 8:27 PM

Timewarp-isn't hindsight just a wonderful thing. Think of all the things we wouldn't do in our lives if hindsight was forsight instead.You need to make a list of all the positives out of your marriage, make a 'bucket list' as in the movie and move on forward. Life can deal out some difficult times and some certainly get more than their fair share.I hope for you that what lays ahead is nothing short of happiness.
I started my 'bucket list' last year,not because I am getting older but because there are so many good things to do in the world that I thought it was time to get on with them.

Posted by: blueeyes1955 at March 31, 2008 8:22 PM

YouareinPerth at 8.16 and 8.30am on 30th and BlueEyes @ 12.30 pm then. No - I was not living blindly in a fool's paradise for 20-odd years, and thus surprised when she walked. It had always been a matter of when.

When I first courted her - she at 19 and I at 25, she'd warned me she wanted to have 6 kids and planned to be the world's best mother, but expected "to be a lousy wife. So don't chase me Bill - you deserve better treatment."

But I adored her, and naively believed that if I loved her enough and was nice enough to her, things would be OK. Eventually.

She married me because I was kind-hearted and would be nice to the children - and had a very well-paid job. (As the only child of 2 professional people, she was a sink for money, and her father had not been nice to her as a child.)

She took our sickly baby son to see her upstate parents at 10 months, and pondered not coming back. But when she did return, she found unexpectedly that she was so glad to see me, that No 2 was on the way within half an hour of their return.

Once both kids were at school she went back to teaching (after 8 years as a housewife and mother), in a new field where she'd had no training, but I had. With me writing curriculum for her behind the scenes, she really shone, and her kids won the interschool competitions.

I had just been retrenched from my 75hr/wk factory-executive ulcer job, and dropped into an easy one on half the wages for half the hours. I made up the difference teaching 3 nights a week at a TAFE, and then moonlighting 10pm-midnight in my small teaching-aids manufacturing business.

Things were so good that she fell pregnant again, the evening after I'd thrown her an all-day boozy backyard BBQ for all her literary friends - even David Malouf was there. (He was home briefly from Tuscany to star in Warana Writers Week and see his mum.)

Third child NOT in her plans, thank you. Instantly changed from the claret-sippng extroverted larrikin party doll that had entranced boring earnest reliable good-boy Bill, and became a totally-withdrawn teetotal control freak, focussed on her teaching, upgrading her teaching qualifications in the evening, and for a hobby, geneological research.

Anything to escape us four. I'd say after lunch on Sunday "It's a beautiful day. How about a drive?"

"Yes - wonderful idea. Take all the children and leave me in peace." So I would.

Ten years later we lost our son at 18 (asthma) and she withdrew further. She'd lost her mother 3 weeks before, and she said they were the only 2 people she'd ever loved.

I was doing the supermarketing and laundry and gardening on top of a 70-80hour week in my new small machinery import business, as well as still cooking breakfast and dinner 3 days a week.Had done that ever since I'd taught her to cook at the start, so I could have 4 days off. And trying to be nice to everyone all the time.

Three years after we lost our boy she moved out of the bedroom, and generously I thought, told me that was my licence to get a bit on the side, if I needed to. "But don't let the children know - it could upset them."

I was far too loyal to my marriage, although I remember reading the Courier Mail Personals a couple of times, and thinking "If only..."

Once my 8-employee business was really embattled by the 1992 recession, she took her half while it was still worth taking.

That was when she told me she'd have gone sooner, except for what my mother would think of her, and had decided to wait till the second daughter finished high school. By that time I'd been expecting it for 5 or 6 years.

What a pity I hadn't been more demanding all along. Whenever I had got upset enough to tell her a thing or two, she'd been all over me with delight. But I was always in the grip of the Peter Principle in too many areas of my life, and hadn't the bounce to bounce her.

We'd been introduced by a mutual friend who became my lover for a while a little later (and gave me a kiss in Melb last month when her second husband wasn't looking.) She told me then "Joan needs a strong hard man to keep her down and happy. You're too nice for the likes of her." Prophetic words.

Posted by: timewarp1 at March 31, 2008 7:47 PM

No Marcus I do not have a favourite driver in the V8's any more, I was a Brocky fan for many years, now I just follow Holden.
Your friends story about being shafted still sounds a little twisted to maybe make him out to be the poorer soul, but I am sure he lived through it and got on with life.

I totally believe in the Pre Nup idea, the number one in your life (in my view ) is your kids. But what has worried me is a friend lately had one and thought as it was all legal she would be ok ...no she was shafted big time even with the pre Nup. I would certainly make sure I had it triple checked that it was iron tight if I was to get one for both parties sake, as just as many women get shafted as men ...not a nice thing to have to live through for either.

Woodnwine ..thank you for the welcome, I did do it hard but no harder than most of the ladies here.
Seems the hard time just makes you stronger whether you are male or female.

Posted by: scorp1011 at March 31, 2008 7:36 PM

Hi Blueeyes1955......profile name contain a colour? Yes, exactly. Did you know him? he given his phone number but I didn't ring him. Maybe he didn't get my sense of humour, but he supposed not to make jest in me in the first place. I just responded his jokes. beside he called me gorgeous sweetie, But I think that's not the case, somethings stumble him my question as straight to the point which he doesn't appreciate it. Perhaps it's true of my suspicious, I don't know maybe I'm mistaken but I matched his written emails. He mentioned about his success and those asset of his, which unusual for first email trying to impressed anyone of his contacts, doesn't make sense at all....Anyway if he didn't recognized the jokes match his own...how much more sense of humour of mine definitely he can't stand a chance of my cheekiness.
I've encountered many guys like this so I know the bottom line. I don't usually put my fully trust in them. For thousand contacts surely I got enough experience....:) cheers..

Posted by: aliane at March 31, 2008 6:41 PM

lynathdiary - you misunderstand me about children. I am still very close to my parents and they are always doing little things for me but I don't and never would rely on them financially. When I was married, I left everything to my wife's stepdaughter (obviously changed now) and if I re-married I would do my best to be there for their child/children but I would not want them to be financially reliant on me/us after they started working and earning their own money.

Of course a parent would always be there do what ever they could to support their children, for the rest of their lives.

Posted by: woodnwine at March 31, 2008 6:27 PM

Aliane, am just curious about your dentist email. By chance does his profile name contain a colour? Maybe he didn't recognise the humour in your reply,even if it matched his own.

Posted by: blueeyes1955 at March 31, 2008 4:55 PM

Lynath, I agree re the security of our children. What's mine is mine and my boys. I have worked damn hard and I am not a charity. And I never got maintainence!!

If I meet someone, and he has nothing, we DO not move into my house, we start afresh, from scratch together, in a new place that will become ours.
Even if he has property, we do the pre nup or some kind of contract, that protects both of us, plus our respective children.
My property is not touched. My will is to my boys, house, super and the escape hole at the coast.

Marcus, do you have children, as I have found out in the last year of meeting people, male and female, that those with no property and no kids......just don't understand those that do!!! And that is a fact!!!

Have a lovely evening all...jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at March 31, 2008 4:33 PM

Lynath.
The difference I see between you and Marcus is that he is the quickest Google researcher on the block and you can formulate and express accurate and consise thought, also utilise experiences in an instructive and thoughtfull way. Also you have been there and done that as so many of us have, I think it is too late for Marcus to ever experience the things you have, and doubt that he every would with his self indulgent attitude. I just wish you would not react to his jibes, you are better than that. If the lad had any sense he would cut and paste your post and stick it in a book that he is so fond of learning about life, not the life he imagines from other books.
Nil carborundum bastidum.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at March 31, 2008 3:43 PM

Hi Justsaying....his last email said he's expert in "Root Canal", when I asked him seriously if married and have got kids which didn't stated in his profile...he back-off. never responded my email. Well, blessing in disguise.

Posted by: aliane at March 31, 2008 3:40 PM

scorp1011 March 31 11:30 AM
Welcome to the sandpit. I usually like to give people with an astrological profile title a lovebite but not today.
As I said it was a friend of a friend who was shafted. Must have been 24 months because the law formalised that in Vic in about 1988. I know the house had to be sold in the ensuing kerfuffle. I can imagine all sorts of scenarios but the bottom line was that she shagged him for a very short time to great advantage.
Do you have a favourite Supercar driver?
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at March 31, 2008 3:09 PM

Marcus Oxytocin can also cause very severe pain....I think you have sniffed too much of it and are channelling to the rest of us..

Really you are becoming desperate. Your attempt to belittle my thoughts on the subject by portraying me as some sort of hysterical man hater is getting a bit old don't you think?
As usual you are wrong about everything and your thinking and response is often flawed. I am sure someone else told you this the other day.

Unsolicted advice..I think not My comments about dating safety are valid...and wasn't it you who was doling out your supposedconcern about someones safety, over the weekend? If a panel of the car ended up kicked in then that would prove my point would it not? Is that what your reponse would likely be? I think you do hold a lot of barely concealed rage against women inside you. A kicked in panel can be fixed and dealt with in law..a kicked in person may not always be fixed.

For anyone separated and not divorced be aware that you remain legally tied to the person and they can claim on your estate under inheritance laws.

Marcus your story about living together for two weeks and making a successful claim is ridiculous. It would not happen.There is obviously a whole lot more to the story.

I have not second rated men(your back peddle to your earlier comments) I am only suggesting what is clear common sense for people is this position, male or female.

Virgil thankyou, I know you understand the reality that Marcus doesn't seem to grasp.

Marcus when you understanding what you are talking about then you can comment. You have no children and would have been unlikely to have found yourself in a vulnerable position in life.

When you have been there it makes you not want to go back for a second time. It does not mean you can't love or trust someone again, but it does make asset protection very necessary, especially at an age when it is virtually impossible to rebuild again.

Time after time I have witnessed the scenario of second marriages where only the children and relatives of the last surviving partner inherit everything. It is so unfair and so irresponsible in my opinion for remarrying parents to allow this to happen.

Woodnwine it is all very well to say goodwill will prevail, but even if it does the law may still see a person lose more than they should. funny how assets and money change people.

Having said that I should say I have little faith in adequate protection from property settlement law alone. I have witness first hand what the law states and what really happens.

In regard to your comment about only being responsible for children until they are adults,and that is how your relationship with your parents went, I felt a sense of sadness for you. Part of love for children is a lifelong need to protect them and care for them no matter how old they become. This does not mean doling out pocket money when they are 30. My father died recently and one of the greatest losses is knowing that he was always there in the background if ever I needed him. I never did financially, but it is the loss of feeling of security and protection from the world if I needed it.His calm voice and sensible words could make everything safe. .

That is what I hope to continue with my children even though they are now adults. It is even more important to me to do this since they were abandoned years ago by their father. I would never be so careless with the future security that I have worked hard(am working) to regain that I would ignore my own childrens security and risk them losing everything. They understand that they will never be abandoned by me in anyway emotionally or financially. That is the least I can do to make their world right again, and keep a sense of absolute trust in family...the same as I experienced.

As others have said they want a relationship with an equal and some legal documentation that no one should be offended by. It is so different to the first time around.
So Smartarcus, it has nothing to do with denigrating men, but all to do with overcoming the damage inflicted by just one in my life.

Posted by: thelynathdiary at March 31, 2008 2:59 PM

Pastor Eagle.
That thought about Lynath and her responsibilities crossed my mind too but I'm sure she is well aware of prenups or whatever they are called. She is obviously a very cautious person so that would be high on her agenda.
But no, sorry, I have sensitive antennae for this and she has form.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at March 31, 2008 2:56 PM

A good friend of mine has had her boyfriend move in with her and together with his belongings, HE also brought into the relationship a 'cohabitational agreement'.
She has 2 young children and is financially independent (read also- no mortgage and plenty of $) he has 2 ex wives and 6 children and his personal and asset wealth has diminished. They got engaged recently and he presented her with a whopping 2ct diamond ring (obviously still has some funds squirreled away) and the cohabitational agreement is still firmly in place. No wedding date set yet but I believe the agreement becomes void when they marry. Is that right?
Footnote: They both met on RSVP

Posted by: enrepres at March 31, 2008 2:46 PM

See all are lies, lies....

Posted by: aliane at March 31, 2008 12:29 PM.

The cowardly dentist prevaricates or, doesn't put up or shut up and has NO sense of humour too.

What hope as a species in this world, do we have with prime(ate) examples such as the daring do(not) dentist types?

Posted by: justsaying at March 31, 2008 1:31 PM

Recently...guy sent me email said he was comfortably live in fluent area and work as a Dentist, made a jokes he could wear crossed-dress with sequins, I reply his email saying...that's lovely I could crossed-suit too with tie, comfortably lived in my sanctuary and I work in finance institution....I guess we're good perfect partners in crime... He never responded my email back, I think scared him....See all are lies, lies....

Posted by: aliane at March 31, 2008 12:29 PM

I posted the following in the other blog topic, but it's now closed, so have reproduced it in case anyone is interested...
And also welcome, scorp1011

timewarp, yes, was contemplating the issue of what attracts females or males to a profile, with my conclusion being you really only want to attract the appropriate person who resonates with what you have to write - so if you're a female writing and the majority of men (should that indeed be the case) just don't "get it", they're obviously not the man for you anyway.

Marcus, have absolutely no idea what you have against yoga! It's exceedingly good for the body and soul. It certainly increases flexibility. You'd like that, wouldn't you??

himagain, you asked for thoughts on self help books. I agree that like with all things, there's so many different opinions - with so many contradicting each other - it can be confusing. But I don't take anything I read onboard as an "absolute" truth; just thoughts to ponder, sift through the beliefs I already hold to see if they add anything to them, or indeed consider them as a whole new concept if it's not something I already hold as a belief - in other words be shown a totally different way of approaching something rather than be closed minded.

Then the things I've found of value, stay with me, and the rest drift off into the ether quite happily....

Posted by: malsie at March 31, 2008 12:13 PM

welcome scorp1011 - sounds like you have done it the hard way but maintained a good attitude.

Posted by: woodnwine at March 31, 2008 11:57 AM

Hi everyone, I am new so please be gentle.
On topic "ready for marriage" I believe young people that want to start the family with all the trimmings marriage is a great step first, for me after being divorced 20 years it is not important but if it was to a partner then I would consider it.I left my ex after the 9th affair was confirmed, and yes I saw the signs but thought it was better to stay for the children, then after a while I realised it was better for the children if we left.
I grew up with parents that have never shown love and did not want that for my children.
I left with very little and was never allowed to return for personal belonging, as he said I left so I did not deserve any thing. Rather than fight I also signed the house and every thing else over to him on condition he kept the house for security for the children...his girl friend made him sell it as it was "HER" (being me) house. Also back then there was no organisation to keep maintenance up to date so on a great fortnight I got $50 for 2 children , these days that would not be allowed to happen and back then I could have forced the issues but felt being happy was more important than material things.

As for De-Facto relationships last I heard in Victoria it was 18/24 months together legally before you can claim a share, never known of it being allowed with only a couple of weeks together unless the time when the rent for the room was being paid was just a story and she had over 12 months investment.
More often than not we hear only one side of a story, once heard both it brings new light to the complete story.
Back on topic Am I ready for married life ...YES
Do I need to be married NO
Would I remarry ....Maybe

Posted by: scorp1011 at March 31, 2008 11:30 AM

Marcus

Your comments on the post by Lynath, seem to me, a bit sensitive, where there might be something else going on, all Lynath said was that she had to protect her assets hat she currently holds for her future and that of her children.

I think that should be the most important thought for all of us here.

If I was to enter a future relationship with a woman, and we pooled resources, I would think that there would be an agreement on the value of resources each person brought to the realtionship, then if the relationship finished, as in broke up, then there should be a reckoning of the current value of the assets, and that the new value be divided evenly.

Of course if things went worse financially, the losses should also be divided evenly.

If a relationship was to fail, I think it would be very hard to value contrbution to the relationship other than 50/50, one may have contributed more money, whilst the other might have contributed more of something else.

But I do not feel, under any circumstances, that either person should lose a disproportionate share of their original contribution.

Posted by: virgil at March 31, 2008 10:43 AM

amberlight - yes, my ex also became very hard to deal with when it came to the financial settlement and wanted more than her fair share .... including money I had been putting into super while she was off married to someone else. That's hard, it really is, but I'd risk it all again for the "right" person.

Posted by: woodnwine at March 31, 2008 10:17 AM

There are some really scary stories out there, of people wanting to take advantage of others.
Mostly I hear what women have done to blokes, this could be that blokes traditionally have had the income and the means.
These days it could well be the other way around, in that there are some no-hoper blokes, ie addicted to gambling alcohol etc, who have the ability to be charming to women and say just the right things, and get some sort of financial benefit from living with the woman.

As I have come from WA recently, I know well the way property is handled in WA, the incident Marcus spoke about yesterday, would not happen in WA, as it requires 2 years of living together..

The incident mentioned by OG regarding a woman turning up on the night of his wifes funeral, with suitcases etc, really makes me wonder about some things that happen in this world.

I suspect I have been very lucky in life, as I have been involved with women of very high principles, I feel I often believe too much of what people say, get sucked in easily, even here the other day with the Jolly Roger.

I think there is a lot to be said for not being sexual with someone till you have a fairly good idea of that persons true nature, but how long does that take I wonder?

Posted by: virgil at March 31, 2008 9:35 AM

Oxytocin and estrogen, the female sex hormone have a synergistic effect and make the potent cocktail.

Amberlite March 31 8:02 AM
Lynath, from my reading is again second rating men; by inference and subtle inuendo suggesting that we are dangerous and untrustworthy.
In that post she has to 'protect' herself and offspring to avoid any situation that might 'endanger' their well being and 'romanticism' could be 'foolish' and 'irresponsible' and endanger her 'future security'. I assume she is hoping to meet a man here and those comments indicate her general misandrist mindset. Last time I objected to her bad behaviour she was giving unsolicited advice about how to trick and then lock blokes out of cars. I thought then about the notion that trust begets trust. If she did that door lock trick to the wrong man at the right time she might end up with a bit of panel damage.
Lynath's immaturity highlights the antagonism and passive aggresion towards men that some women carry as a badge of honour. I contrast it with your reasonable and pragmatic positions.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at March 31, 2008 9:16 AM

riversong, @ 30 March 10 pm:

Ah, well, it depends what you mean by "real" exactly ;)

Posted by: malsie at March 31, 2008 9:07 AM

Hi woodnwine,
I honestly see where you are coming from, but you have been ?happily married (until it all fell apart?) and can remember how much it all seemed wonderful at the beginning, but how things change.
You may have been lucky in the past, but a lot of cases you never really know someone until you deal with them financially!!

Despite 22 years of marriage my ex tried everything in the book to increase his share including using our children. My boys actually told me that I was "screwing" their dad despite the fact that I asked for less than what I deserved (my solicitor told me he actually wrote a letter to the Court accompanying our settlement, saying he had advised me that I shouldn't have agreed to the settlement as it stood!) and I left most of our "goods & chattels" in the house when I left.
(My ex changed the locks on the house a week after I moved out saying I was taking too long, he still has personal items of mine in the house which he refuses to give me!)

Your sentiments are wonderful, (you are gorgeous, such a romantic!) but no one can guarantee that you won't die alone. However, if you fall "in love" with the wrong person, you could end up alone and have no possessions!

Posted by: amberlight58 at March 31, 2008 8:26 AM

Posted by: thelynathdiary at March 30, 2008 9:32 PM
Marcus,
Forgive me if I am wrong, but what I think Lynath meant, was similar to what I wrote in my post at 10:21 PM!!
You always like to read negative things into her comments, don't you?

Posted by: amberlight58 at March 31, 2008 8:02 AM

I think by the time you decide to live with someone you would hopefully know them fairly well and would feel safe sharing your "possessions" with them and would have bonded well enough to be on a common path in life. If I felt strongly enough to live with someone I would feel strongly enough to share everything I have with them. After all, I think my most important asset is me, not my house, superannuation, shares, savings etc.

I am looking for nothing from my parents when they pass away ... they lived their lives and enjoyed their "possessions" and if there is anything left over then that will be a little bonus for me. OK, I don't have children, only a stepdaughter who is no longer in my will, but if I did I would only see it as my responsibility to look after them financially until they could do so themselves. Maybe this is naieve but I just want to share what I have with someone special ... I don't want to die alone but with lots of possessions.

PS to anyone with a disadvantaged child I understand that care must be ongoing and special considerations are a necessity.

Posted by: woodnwine at March 31, 2008 7:39 AM

Hi Slightsync,
Meant to say that you look much better in real life than your photograph too!
Much younger and more laid back than your photo suggests.
Perhaps we should take up TW's suggestion re having one of those portrait shots done?!
But then I always think that if a bloke thinks I look all right in a very ordinary photo, well then (I hope) he wouldn't be disappointed in real life!!
Whereas a portrait photo; well I have seen quite a few on people's walls and sometimes you can barely detect that the photo and the person are the same!

Posted by: amberlight58 at March 30, 2008 11:10 PM

Lynathdowry March 30 9:32 PM

You are right Lynath. The world is an Extremely Dangerous Place. Men are hideously evil. It is not just your luscious body they lust after but those of your children as well. A meeting of eyes let alone a kiss on the cheek could portend disaster. Before you know it you would have given up your PIN number, your home and super and probably have at least 3 notifiable diseases.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at March 30, 2008 11:02 PM

Iampert.
Forget property divvy ups after a common law marriage. Can't you get away with murder in WA if you know Brian Burke?
Cheers MS

Posted by: laughsandtalks at March 30, 2008 10:44 PM

TLD, those are my thoughts also. I have 2 kids and they are the beneficiaries of my "estate". No one will ever take that away from them, no matter what.
WNW, a lovely thought that you posted, and that it didn't work out is not your loss but hers.
What you have to offer is far more important than financial WNW, your caring nature is your most important asset...............K

Posted by: auntykaz at March 30, 2008 10:41 PM

I agree Lynath,
As soon as my ex and I separated I made a new will and updated it once the settlement took place. I have made my older children trustees for my younger son, to oversee his share and ensure that he can be educated, etc.
I would hope anyone I may have a relationship with in the future would understand this, and if he has children of his own I would understand his need to protect them as well.

My own father had a partner for 13 years, who nursed him right up until he became unconscious when he was dying of prostate cancer. He had a tenancy-in-common agreement (like OG had) and they willed each of their share of their Gold Coast house to their families.
My sister and I spoke to our dad about this when it became obvious he was getting sicker and told him we wished his partner to have the lion's share of everything because we knew she really had loved him.
He was certainlt NOT an easy man to live with, but he had actually spoken about his never really having known love until he met her and she certainly never let him down during his illness.
That is what happened and we were very happy about it.
Of course, I have seen other situations where this has worked against a devoted long-standing partner.
However, once you have been with someone for a long time, circumstances can change. I would think that if each party keeps reviewing the situation on a regular basis, a long-term partner can be protected.

An agreement about finances in the case of separation/break up of a live-in relationship would be a sensible way to go Woodnwine, after all you do have to keep living your life once a relationship breaks up.
I can't understand why anyone would be upset about this, especially if they themselves have experienced a marital break up and have finally got back on their feet financially.
Unless you were really ony after someone for financial security, why would you worry?

Posted by: amberlight58 at March 30, 2008 10:21 PM

Hi Virgil - looks like Malsie and Oolala have answered about oxytocin. Malsie - even from kissing? Scarey! Oolala - yes, it also helps mothers bond with their babies and is released during breastfeeding.

Richard - (my apologies - you are real! sorry I mistook you for someone else) - Yikes - oxytocin for sale as a spray in a Department store - even more scarey!!

You know they've done experiments where they injected non-lambing ewes with oxytocin, and the ewes bonded with lambs that were not their own. Natures own "chemistry" love potion! Hope it doesn't become the new date drug (watch your drinks!!)

Richard - re the "friendship" tick box:
I can't speak for others, but I ticked it because I'm looking for "friendship possible relationship" (ie a slow growing connection) not an instant "chemistry" fix. What I meant was, I'm interested in meeting new friends with possibilities and the potential to become more, not just friends to be "just friends". The "just friends" just evolve from people you come across in life anyway - the "friends with possibilities" are harder to find (as distinct from "friends with benefits" which is a whole completely different thing!)

PS What's the "marital aids department?"
No, not rushing out to get a bottle of WildPassion - just curious :)

Posted by: riversong1 at March 30, 2008 10:00 PM

Woodwine- I wouldn't be more worried about losing assets but rather be practical in the first place and make sure appropriate documents were in place to protect them. I would hopefully also meet someone with similar assets. I am not interested in finding someone to support me or someone who needs me to support them.

Posted by: blueeyes1955 at March 30, 2008 9:51 PM

That's a very romantic notion Woodnwine, but the fact for me now is that it is not just 'all about me' I have others to protect and who have vested interests in my possessions and assets.....my children.
There is no way I would endanger their wellbeing in any way, or my own future financial security, by letting romanticism rule in any foolish or irresponsible way.
I think a lot of people are in similar situations.

Posted by: thelynathdiary at March 30, 2008 9:32 PM

Just an idea .... if you met someone you thought was "the" one, would you be more worried about property and posessions or being with them? I also got "ripped off" (or so I thought) in my seperation settlement and swore I'd be very cautious next time around (assuming there would be a next time). But last year I met someone I thought could be "the" one and would have given her anything her little heart desired ... anything I have she would have been welcome to because I thought the person and our happiness was more important than posessions, more important than anything .... just a Sunday night thought.

Posted by: woodnwine at March 30, 2008 9:05 PM

I guess I am lucky as I get on well with 'the ex' although I usually only see her when it's something about the kids. We never use them as ammunition as so many others do. But then again I had signed over the house etc. to her as we had always agreed that it was eventually going to be for the kids, then she decided she couldn't keep up the payments & promptly sold it!!! Not to worry! I'm not bitter about it, just put it up to experiencefor next time, optimism!!

Posted by: rebeldave at March 30, 2008 8:41 PM

would I get married again? I honestly don't know!

When I mey my husband there was lots of love and lust and chemistry, fights and make up sex!! But we didn't grow together and he had an affair when I was 29 weeks pregnant with baby number 2. We separated when I found out, and my dad had me at a solicitors 4 days later. The property settlement was done before the baby was born. I got the house and the huge mortgage.

I was back at work when the baby was 6 months old, I had a 3 year old toddler and a baby, a full time job, I was on medication to handle the stress, and HE had to go for a holiday with his girlfriend to have a break!!!!.

But it was a long time ago. I have had boyfriends, toyboys and FWB, but my heart has not done flip flops ever again. I have never had the urge to get married yet.

I am here on RSVP to meet someone, just hope it happens before I get much older, fatter or crankier!!!!

But, the meeting someone, now that has been an interesting process, I have met younger guys, older guys, toyboys, guys that just want to have sex, guys that don't know what they want, guys who really don't want a serious long term relationship, but tell you 12 months later!!! It has been a roller coaster of an adventure. And I have not met anyone, yet, that I would trust my heart to.

On the plus side I have made some very close friends thru blogging, on this site and privately. Who would have thought that RSVP would lead to making friends, both male and female!

And I still truly believe that the one meant for me is out there some where..........please come soon......jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at March 30, 2008 8:30 PM

True story Perth....and laws vary from state to state...
Know a chap over here who split assets 50/50 when he and 1st wife split. Was amicable.. He's a plumber and had his teenage son as his apprentice. Met another woman who had 2 children to him and split soon after 2nd child was born. He lost 60% of his assets that he'd already had to split with 1st wife and had to give her 60% of business as well. Wasn't even allowed to allow for his son who was almost finished his apprenticeship. Happens over here all the time..
I'm from WA and the laws over there are different. Not just family law either.
Cheers... "G"

Posted by: amdoingit at March 30, 2008 7:47 PM

Just to correct an assumption it is not assets accrued in joint time but all types of other 'contributions' taken into account i.e. homemaking, decorating, home maintenance etc. on both sides.

Children do change the equation and so does 'ability to earn' ; for a man it is better to marry a 'professional' woman with a career if they want to hang onto the moolah regardless. In my marriage it was the other way round and I was happy to leave him 50% of the assets and 80% of the acquired goods and chattels. There is no price on freedom, and equality means just that.

Would I marry again? If he (whoever he might be) wanted to I would, though I don't believe that it is necessary if there is love, laughter, mutual respect and great sex...often... (can't get enough laughter) and whether it was cohabitation or marriage I would still be discussing financial/property matters as well as who prefers which side of the bed, children, and bed linen - it's only fair!

Posted by: firelightlady at March 30, 2008 7:09 PM

Grrr.......am having difficulty posting here, keepa telling me l am not signed in when l post and l clearly am signed.....

Anyway, l was thinking the number of new male contributors here is quite interesting, l wouldn't have thought that it would have brought new comments so readily and easily.....
Subzero, Boyd and Rebeldave, welcome to the blogs and thanks for the posts on this subject.

Have had a peek at you all to see who is behind the words, as most of us do.

Property and asset division is an often rocky road to travel, and if it goes to the Family Court the only real winners are the Legals, particularly if there is disagreement as to settlement.
I had to take the Family Court road and ended up with what l should have all along,
My ex had been advised incorrectly by his lawyer in regards to the settlement financials.
When that lawyer left the fairly prominent legal firm here in Melbourne, his newly appointed representative saw the mistakes as we sat at the Court trying to nut out the details and they had to go back and re do everything.
My lawyer had pointed this out the first lawyer who would not see the mistakes he had made, hence the trip to the Court in the first place.
It ended up costing him far more than it did me, l guess that is what happens when you go to the top end of town, you don't always get the best but you sure have to pay for it if they stuff up. Which they did............K

Posted by: auntykaz at March 30, 2008 6:03 PM

subzero ... good comments.

Posted by: woodnwine at March 30, 2008 5:52 PM

Proposals: Are You Ready for Married Life?

Back to the question at hand.
No. Not at this point in time. I've been on RSVP almost 12 months and have enjoyed getting to know men and their male psyche again. Learning how to date again was mostly trial and error (did get some useful tips from my adult kids). But I'm content with the status quo right now. I have a couple of men friends that I enjoy spending time with and a wonderful circle of extended friends both male and female.
I would like to have 1 special man in my life eventually, which is why I'm still here.

Posted by: enrepres at March 30, 2008 5:32 PM

During cohabitation it is the proceeds acrued during that time which is distributed if you can't come to an agreement. Obviously if there is a child involved there will be maintenance for that child. Any properties owned by either party prior to the cohabitation remains just that, their property. It is only the assets accrued during the time of living together and even they are limited. Methinks, a few people are flowering up stories here, or even telling a few porkies.

Posted by: iaminperth at March 30, 2008 5:08 PM

A major chain store was selling bottles of oxytoxin as a nasal spray.

I think the brand name was WildPassion. Check their marital aids department.

Mind you, when I was there browsing, some cheeky sales assistant had arranged a cynical display just across the aisle, which she named passion killers- mostly women’s Bombay bloomers and men’s Chesty Bond boxer shorts, along with girl’s flannelette pajamas.

Posted by: richardzkruspe at March 30, 2008 4:54 PM

Oxytocin is released by the mother when she feeds the baby and bonds the mother to baby. Is released when cuddling and having sex but mostly during orgasm. Good reason for ladies to wait till you really like man for himself as can confuse your thinking. The chemical rose coloured glasses.
I married young in Italy and came to Australia to make a better life with family. I looked after everyones needs and catered to my husbands every whim till he tell me two years ago I am no longer needed any more. Have brought up children till they finished school and youngest goes to tafe. He has new girlfriend of two years and I am no longer sexy to him. I am just a mother.
Youngest wants to live with him so joke on him and new lady friend who is not so great with teens. Ha ha. sad story but am over it now and moving on with new man. But very slowly. I read what people say here and become suspicious he is a player.

Posted by: oohlala1 at March 30, 2008 3:54 PM

Hi amberlight58
once again you are spot on,The wounds are open,mediator is pending,Luckily for me there was no cheating,LOL i hope not,I should retract that, there was no cheating.

I might never find love again, but i deserve to be happy,

I see a lot of talking going into assets, It's only money and material's items.

I don't think you can put a price on love,
The best years, in my life was,when we were in love.That's all that counts.

Q What would it be worth to meet the person of your dreams and to be happily in love forever?

A everything!

Ok love 90% of the time, doesn't last forever "were all here RSVP" but if we get the opportunity to try it again, we have to put everything, in the one basket ,who knows we might beat the statistics.
It's better to try and fail...Than not to try at all...

Subzero

Posted by: subzeroelite at March 30, 2008 3:00 PM

Hi G,
On the night of my wifes funeral I had sent every one home. At about 10.00pm there was a knock on the door, when I opened it there was a woman I knew who was about 25 years younger than me with a big smile on her face and a cleavage down to her navel, but it was the 4 suitcases on the front verandah that put me off. She had come to save me from loneliness. She should not have sent the taxi away, the police gave her a lift away eventually. That was back in the days when you could lose everything especially if she ensconced her kids in next day when you went to work.

Hi Perth.
My brother came home from a rostered double shift on the change of Chief Inspectors. Time just past midnight, the only things in the house were the waterbed and the refrigerator, this after 18 years of marriage, They were over the border and on the way to the Territory with the new boyfried within 24 hours. Even my wife, her good friend did not know. It can happen.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at March 30, 2008 2:48 PM

Marriage, de factos and assets - the easy and sensible way to approach this part of a relationship is to ask and answer those tricky questions up front especially if there is an imbalance of assets. I wouldn't have any problem with asking a partner to sign or being asked to sign a Binding Financial Agreement (the Australian version of a pre-nup). In fact I would pretty much expect it to be one of the things discussed.
I don't see men as a meal ticket, never have, and I am like a lot of women perfectly capable of supporting myself and my offspring. I can't stand parasites of either gender.

Posted by: firelightlady at March 30, 2008 2:04 PM

The biggest thing that bugs some wealthy folk in an divorce is the aggravation,and the sly departing ex partner can play that, hoping that their aggrevated state will make them have the process sped up by offering to pay more to be rid of the annoyance.
Even if I had the huge MCartney wealth, I would not be interested in paying someone to go away every fews yrs, it would not be the money so much(at that level of wealth), but as I said earlier, you dont want the lengthy aggravation the whole process causes in your life.

Posted by: sincrolad at March 30, 2008 1:33 PM

Virgil, riversong - from my reading on oxytocin, I believe it's released from having physical (sexual) intimacy, but doesn't necessarily have to involve orgasm; ie kissing can get the hormone pumping too...one reason why it's so addictive with someone you're really into, I think. From my own experience, it's certainly not necessary to sleep in the same bed to keep the oxytocin happening!

Posted by: malsie at March 30, 2008 12:37 PM

OG thanks for the compliment. To md11f and richardk-I haven't ticked the friendship box- but if I meet a fellow and the chemistry is not there for a relationship but I think they are still a nice person-i do offer them the opportunity of allowing a friendship to happen. There are many occasions where it is necessary or suitable to invite a friend to an event. I have made a couple of male friends on this site that started as a date and we enjoy each other's company enough to have a meal together or see a movie etc. But most men I have met have just disappeared ,even we I make a friendship offer, and don't even bother to reply to my polite emails. I guess they are only after the "one"person.
Timewarp-if a piece of paper is all that is holding a marriage together then it is time to move on. A friend of mine stayed in her marriage because she was thought she was doing the right thing by her kids. When her eldest was 16,he told her that they knew she was unhappy and to please not stay with their father because of them. Her and her sons are much happier since splitting with a very difficult man.

Posted by: blueeyes1955 at March 30, 2008 12:30 PM

Marcus...

The last time I looked, a de facto was entitled to a share in the appreciation of assets during the period of cohabitation.

I know Albert Park is a great location but there isn't a snow flake's chance that the property increased $400k in value in a fortnight... your friend must've had a really lousy legal representative!!!

Posted by: victoriadownunder at March 30, 2008 12:47 AM

I thought the laws around defacto sharing assets only started after 2 years of living together?

The 12 months where person was renting, surely if your friend declared the income on his tax return, would probaly only increase his declared income by 5000, increasing his tax bill by $1750 or thereabouts, showing that to the court would hace saved your friend nearly $200,000

Posted by: virgil at March 30, 2008 10:13 AM

Karina
I suppose it would be asking too much, for us to be able to have a few words space to construct our own kiss replies?

This is a very unusual blog to bring out our deep and meaninhgful stories, the bonking blog next door brought out some really low stuff, from JollyRichard, introduced us to troy o boy, and Boyd.

Amberlight, thank you for your suggestion.

It seems very good advice to do things we enjoy, and find a partner there, particularly if one enjoys singing, acting performing in general.
My semi-retired state is not my chosen level of activity, I would prefer to have more bookkeeping clients, and over time that will happen, an Inner suburb can service a greater number of businesses than where I was in Rockingham.

Posted by: virgil at March 30, 2008 10:06 AM

There's also the physical "chemistry" - hormones - the endorphines that give such an initial high, and also the oxytocin (released during orgasm) - the bonding "glue" - love potion - that kicks in when you sleep with someone.

Posted by: riversong1 at March 29, 2008 8:07 AM

Riversong, I am wondering where this bonding glue comes in, when you actually sleep together, or have sex, then sleep elsewhere?

I recall times in relationships, where following sex, either myself or my partner, would actually go off to sleep in a different bed, sometimes my partners choice, sometimes mine, eg going home on a weeknight, because get better sleep in own bed, or moving to different room, to facilitate better sleep.

Might this have an effect on the overall relationship?

Posted by: virgil at March 30, 2008 9:22 AM

VDU.. @ 12.47am... That is the way it's supposed to be but it just doesn't always work...
Had a brother in law who took in a woman with 3 kids... She got pregnant (oldest trick in the book) and once baby was born had a domestic, called the ploice, he was escorted out of his house and she was in at a solicitors the next morning. He had supported all of them for just on a year but she got 70% of not only his house but he also had to sell his business which she got half of as well. He was just devastated and to this day is still a broken man and she's frittered away all that he worked for and is now living with her next conquest. Last I heard he'd sold his modest house and has bought a lovely new one. No doubt he'll be out on his ear soon too.
This is what we'd all agree is a total use and what makes it hard for us genuine women to be taken as credible,
I'm sure karma will catch up with her but eventually.etc.. but that's no consolation to the victims left in her wake...
And yes there are men out there who do this sort of thing too so let's not all start rubbishing women. It's just an eg of how the law is not uniform.

Food for thought all... "G"

Posted by: amdoingit at March 30, 2008 8:56 AM

It really amazes me when long term marriages break up and one of the partners, usually male, says I never saw it coming, I was so shocked that she/he walked out. I don't think people jump out of bed in the morning saying "what shall I do today...oh walking out sounds like a good idea". Surely there must be massive signs long term leading up to this decision. Hello, were you really in the marriage to start off with, how could anyone be so blind not to see some signs. In Timewarps case, surely after 28 years you could see some signs that this woman was so unhappy that she left you. What's the old phrase "None are so blind as those who WILL not see".

Posted by: iaminperth at March 30, 2008 8:30 AM

Timewarp I think you ex sounds nice. She obiously felt very deeply for your mother who must have been quite elderly at the moment. Surely you can't be saying that you didn't see the signs after 28 years of marriage. Or maybe that was wrong with the marriage 'you didn't see the signs'.

Posted by: iaminperth at March 30, 2008 8:16 AM

Oh my goodness.....................I am sitting here reading all of this and wondering what the heck I am thinking about when pining for some kind of relationship. Are we all so jaded? I certainly hope not............

Posted by: charm03 at March 30, 2008 2:22 AM

Marcus...

The last time I looked, a de facto was entitled to a share in the appreciation of assets during the period of cohabitation.

I know Albert Park is a great location but there isn't a snow flake's chance that the property increased $400k in value in a fortnight... your friend must've had a really lousy legal representative!!!

Posted by: victoriadownunder at March 30, 2008 12:47 AM

noosa7...of course you can join in.. Just start banging away on the old keyboard and let it flow... Good luck... "G"

Posted by: amdoingit at March 29, 2008 11:43 PM

Posted by: amdoingit at March 29, 2008 9:57 AM

Amberlight, I have met you and you look fantastic and hope its not rude to say, much better than your photo. That is supposed to be a compliment ! You are a vivacious, bright and attractive woman and it was great to meet you and the other bloggers at the bloggers meet recently.
SSC

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at March 29, 2008 11:43 PM

Bill, you are right, it is humbling.. amazing what has come out on on these blogs over the last few days.. Would be interesting to revisit along the line just to see how people change in their attitudes, etc, after being on the site for a while!!!
BTW that was a pretty raw tac on your ex's part.. Do you really believe that was the reason or was it just a good excuse?? Guess you'll never know..

Hope you make it to tennis and back tomorrow.. I start comp again in 2 weeks.. Could be interesting!!! Need to get a bit of hitting in between now and then to get the old eye in properly. Haven't had a hit since the car accident. Slack..
My daughter also asked me today if I'd join her evening team. Not sure about that one though. They're all young A graders so don't want to make a total fool of myself. She says they're all good enough to carry me till I pick back up again but?? Think I just need to accept that it aint as good as it used to be but I sure will give them a run for their money in the B grade..

Cheers..."G"

Posted by: amdoingit at March 29, 2008 11:41 PM

Amber.. Re.. the being scared.. I still feel like that sometimes but I just remind myself that it's normal and people from all walks of life are scared about different things every single day.. We just have to not let it stop us from being out there and enjoying ourselves. None of us can ever be certain if someone we meet is going to be genuine or not. I just believe that if you don't give it a go you'll never really know. I wear my heart on my sleeve so to speak which makes me vulnerable to a point but I also know that I'm better equiped to deal with it now than I was before. People often mistake kindness for weakness with me but weak I'm not..

I don't think any of us really knows how to pick someone who's not good for us. Heck, we wouldn't all be here would we?
Think it's the maternal thing in us that attracts those that need a mother figure. Maybe we pandered to them too much in our quest to please??
I know I'll be a little different this tima around. Anyway, no children to worry about so will be on equal footing so to speak.
I know for sure that I'll never be a doormat again but I would hope to be an equal in all ways..
One can but hope.. Good luck and be strong... "G".

Posted by: amdoingit at March 29, 2008 11:24 PM

This blog has humbled me. So many excellent people, including some I've met, eloquently sharing their sad stories, and the deep wisdom they've gained as a result.

Often a strong feeling that they want something a lot better the next time around, or forget it.

What could I add? My Ex chose to wait till my mother had died before she walked out on me after 28 years. She said it would have saddened my mother too much to see me bereft.

If the piece of paper/ public ceremony of exchanging vows (with or without benefit of clergy) causes someone to stay rather than walk, to save someone from loss of face, is that continuing cohabitation a good thing?

Do they spend the extra time together, trying to repair the relationship, or just continue the misery that their dissonance is causing to one or both partners?

Posted by: timewarp1 at March 29, 2008 10:09 PM

This blog has humbled me. So many excellent people, including some I've met, eloquently sharing their sad stories, and the deep wisdom they've gained as a result.

Often a strong feeling that they want something a lot better the next time around, or forget it.

What could I add? My Ex chose to wait till my mother had died before she walked out on me after 28 years. She said it would have saddened my mother too much to see me bereft.

If the piece of paper/ public ceremony of exchanging vows (with or without benefit of clergy) causes someone to stay rather than walk, to save someone from loss of face, is that continuing cohabitation a good thing?

Do they spend the extra time together, trying to repair the relationship, or just continue the misery that their dissonance is causing to one or both partners?

Posted by: timewarp1 at March 29, 2008 10:08 PM

Marriage isnt for everyone, I have yet to go there, may never? time will tell I'm sure.
Passion and companionship should be there together as one cant be without the other to my way of thinking.

Posted by: justy30 at March 29, 2008 9:57 PM

Mf11f

You are right about the way women on here tick the box about “friends.”

It is pure hypocrisy.

They all do it because that is the low quality of women on here- just recently one with a post grad degree told me that “I was not the one she was looking for.”

Sorry, sweetie. I didn’t ask whether I was “the one you were looking for”, so don’t venture that sort of crap to me.

You ticked the friends box so don’t come out with the mindless garbage that the perennials on this site spew forth.

Another one for the trash can, this time with a PhD. Makes you wonder doesn’t it.

Posted by: richardzkruspe at March 29, 2008 9:05 PM

Oh dear oh dear cant ever seem to join in an active blog, whats goin on???????????

Posted by: noosa7 at March 29, 2008 9:01 PM

Thank you amdoingit,
I really appreciated your affirmation, and I will remove that sentence about being scared (I am, but you're right, it's probably not a good idea to advertise it!)

I don't dwell in the past and I believe that I have moved on quite well and my self-esteem has improved dramatically. But I simply don't feel confident that I really know how NOT to pick someone who isn't good for me!
My track record isn't all that flash; even before I met my ex-husband, although I didn't have a lot of boyfriends, I seemed to pick the wrong kind of man (well back then I guess it was mostly boys!). I seemed to always be attracted to the bloke who needed a mother, not a partner!

Woodnwine, sorry if we scared you! I don't think I would ever be insensitive enough to assume that any man is going to be like my previous partner, after all I'm not the only person that has ever been hurt! That would be totally unfair to the new person and would not be taking into consideration the past experiences of that person.
However I may be slightly hypersensitive to anyone who blames their ex-partner for all their previous relationship problems: I know only too well how that feels!

Thank you Virgil for your lovely comments. Hopefully we can all get together again in the future, maybe a few more bloggers could join us next time?
I was wondering Virgil, if the quiet, gentle soul you are seeking would even be on RSVP. It takes quite a lot of bravery to put your profile on here (as you already know!)and really gentle ladies may find it just too frightening. You live in a really populated area with no doubt a huge number of community service providers; perhaps now you are semi-retired you could join a volunteer group and find the gentle soul you are looking for? (Please don't take offence at this, it was just a thought)

Hi malsie,
I was also very uncertain about marriage (which is why I wasn't sure I should even get married, but you know once you agree to it there are family expectations, friends' expectations, feeling guilty about letting people down, wasting money, etc.)
Once I got married I gave it everything I could, but I eventually realised people want to marry for many reasons, and (probably also in the case of yours' and my parents) some of them are not the right reasons!
I hope you find happiness soon.

Subby,
All of us who have been through a separation and/or divorce will tell you (unless you've already experienced unfaithfulness within the relationship) your ex-partner finding someone new is one of the hardest things you'll ever go through.
All the old wounds are re-opened as you realise that there is no hope; that they don't care at all and have really moved on. But once you get through it you are so much stronger and you will feel ready to move on yourself.
I can see you have children and it is even harder when there are children involved because you have to keep "getting along" with your ex-partner for the sake of your children, (even though you wish you never had to see your ex again!) which makes it harder to deal with the pain.
I did a course called "Kids are First" it is run through Anglicare and it was "strongly suggested" that my ex and I do the course by the Family Relationship Mediator! I felt quite resentful that I was "forced" to do the course (I actually don't think my ex has done it yet, but that's his problem when we see the Mediator again sometime this year) because I felt I was being more than reasonable and accommodationg, but it was certainly an eyeopener as to what we may actually be putting our kids through. I would recommend it to all newly separated parents.

PS. Welcome md11f. Yes some of the women-haters on here are scary and do tend to make you think twice about the point of RSVP!

And yes Kaz,
The Heather Mills' of this world just give the women-haters in this world something else to have a go at us about!! Some women settle for less than they deserve in divorce settlements just to keep things sane for the kids, guys! Mine was a 45/55% (his way) split and guess what, it's not just men who have to pay Child Support!

Sorry, I've raved on too much (again!)
Have a good night all!

Posted by: amberlight58 at March 29, 2008 7:41 PM

A single friend of a friend bought a two story 3 br place in Albert Park a few years ago.
As you do he tenanted the downstairs bedroom. Late in the 12 month lease the woman renting started paying him a bit of extra attention.
He had leased the room to another person so things being as they were she spent a couple of weeks upstairs with him after the expiry and then moved on.
Months later he received a Solicitors letter informing him of a claim his defacto was making on the property. Cost him 200 grand in the end.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at March 29, 2008 7:40 PM

Hi mdiif@ 4.33pm
Firstly welcomeTo another bloke coming in, but before we get to Amber, I am one of those men that look at the half full glass, but think if you have half a head of hair you look much better with it empty, look at the male beauty personified in my profile. lol.

As to River,Amber, Kaz, ,Blue and all the other ladies at one time or another I have seen their profiles have crossed swords with some of them, more than once stirred up some of the men, but in general found the greater percentage to be honest open and true. Verily we have the % of ratbags, wimps, wanks, and woofters, but they get sorted out in time, but only on occasion does some one get bitter and twisted enough to spit the dummy and turn over the pram, in all we are a conglomerate of the worlds species, living in what the rest of the world considers the country of choice to live in and I often wonder if we that live here realise it.

Having read your "wish list"go for it. They will assess you, and give you stick if they think you deserve it, then maybe if you are really lucky one may decide you are hers. Enjoy.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at March 29, 2008 7:01 PM

Gang,
Maybe the sanctity of marriage has to be re-evaluated after the latest press release from the States today.

A woman with a gun walked into a bank today and demanded money.

Once she was given the money, she turned to a male customer and asked, "Did you see me rob this bank" the man then replied, "Yes Ma'm I did' She then shot him in the head , killing him instantly.

She then turned to the couple standing next to him and said to the woman "Did you see me rob this bank?" the woman replied "no love but my husband did"

Lordy its a changing world !
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at March 29, 2008 6:00 PM

Hey sincrolad, a lot of ladies here are in the same boat there....
We have our careers, our homes, our superannuation, and are just as wary as any man at times of our financial independence as any one.

Contrary to what some guys think, we are not moneygrubbers.
I think what Heather Mills did to Paul McCartney has given the average woman out there yet another reason to groan.
How can you need 400.000.00 pounds a year to go on holidays for goodness sake??
A week or three at Mooloolaba beach every year suits me.......

Generalising can be a minefield, sure there are good and bad in both sexes, the trick is to acknowledge that............K

Posted by: auntykaz at March 29, 2008 5:38 PM

Sincrolad, a lot of the ladies on here are in the same boat mate.
We have our careers, our homes and our superannuation as well, just as much a gamble as it is for the guys.
Generalising about the opposite sex does no one any favors as l am sure you would agree if you had read some of the posts here that are skewed that way.
And that applies to men and women equally. ...................K

Posted by: auntykaz at March 29, 2008 5:20 PM

Wise words "G", wise indeed. Quite an interesting reflection of your earlier life....
We all do it l guess, some sort of look back on prior relationships / marriages and how, in hindsight, we were living was not the ideal world, even if we thought it may have been at the time..........K

Posted by: auntykaz at March 29, 2008 4:56 PM

Don’t forget everyone – Earth Hour tonight. Turn everything off (including computer!) 8 to 9pm! http://earth-hour.blogspot.com.

Posted by: riversong1 at March 29, 2008 4:50 PM

Not being a regular of the blogs, some spare time on the back of a visit to the site led me to read amberlight58's post below of March 29, 2008 7:55 AM. I just substitute my mother for Amber and my father for her ex, reduce the number of children to one, and the story appears so familiar. Unfortunately. And it seems to reinforce and underline the actions of many men who many women recount their experiences of on these blogs. Picking up on one of Amber's points "...whether the person I was marrying had the same values, needs, ways of trying to deal with issues and feelings that I had......' and a recent blog on when dating people should first have sex, sums it all up for me. It takes time and a commitment to even get to know someone, if they 'appear' on the surface to be the sort of person you'd consider spending time with. Hopefully, those of us who are honest and genuine in these places have our own sh*t sorted, and don't need a partner for the purpose of doing it for us (as lots of fellas seem to). And we don't have a 'second life' (maybe a primary existence for some ?) in this blog either, dispensing criticisms from behind hidden profiles. It's little wonder many women here seem to have little confidence or interest in even responding to apparently 'normal, average' fellows with profiles. And what do women mean when they say the will entertain friendships in their preferred partner profile? That's not one one line I believe. Lots of disingenuous folks here I am afraid to conclude. This is contrasted with other experiences I've had in sustaining friendships for a couple of years now, with individuals from other parts of the world, who by their commitment to maintaining contact, and other generous actions sustain our 'connection'. Can't say I've found the same with anyone from RSVP. Why would that be ? Are we just so happy to 'hide' behind a facade, without being real ? Or do we just want one thing ?

Posted by: md11f at March 29, 2008 4:33 PM

Ok you'll laugh at this one but I thought it was "Sirironclad" have just realised it is Sincrolad - apologies for the mix-up :p

I agree with amdoingit - indeed don't just all by some... It takes time but eventually we have to get over it, build a bridge, whatever it takes. But the past is the past and that's why the present is like a "present". There is an old saying - yesterday's history and tomorrow's a mystery. Words to live by in my opinion...

Go with the flow, don't sweat the small stuff, either accept what you have and get on with it, or change it. We are in charge of our destinys!

Posted by: sunrizesiesta at March 29, 2008 4:30 PM

OG,
its desire that makes up ignore our better judgement which then gets folk into relationship cafuffles. Ive never really wanted it that bad. Often the pain of living without it is mimiscule compared to the frusrtaion of tryint to sort a bad one out. Better a fence on the cliff edge than having an ambulance always waiting in the "valley of love".
G,
Of course it works both ways, just that more often than not, its the guy who in his foolishness starts of as 1/2hr joymaster, then all of a sudden becomes lifetime paymaster.

Posted by: sincrolad at March 29, 2008 4:29 PM

Sincrolad @2.37pm.... It does work both ways buddy... There are women out there who work their butts off (as sole providers too) to provide for their lot and supposedly for the future. They too can lose a massive chunk of what they've worked for... Believe me I know...That's life... Not having a go at you, just telling it as it is.. Don't judge all by some OK!!

Cheers..."G"

Posted by: amdoingit at March 29, 2008 3:58 PM

Mals, prefer the banter and laughter...All the other "stuff" is water under the bridge anyway so why stop the flow... Look forward to our next meet!!!

VDU not wise really, just saying it as it is.. A lucky lil ol bunch aint we??

Cheers..."G"

Posted by: amdoingit at March 29, 2008 3:39 PM

Hi Sincrolad.
Exactly the situation I was afraid of when I was getting married again. However our joint Solicitor pointed out that in a Second marriage it was only sensible for the couple to be in a Tenants in Common situation. She sold up and I sold up, the property we bought the furniture and household goods (all had to be new) the only thing from the past we bought to the marriage was our cars and personal memorabilia. Every bill was paid equally, ( thought she did have control of my pension payment). When we did eventually part, I took over my pension again. I gave her the choice of what she wanted (off the receipts she kept) of the goods we aquired. Strangley the split came to less than $200 one way. The sale of the property was split to the dollar, no hassle, no argument, no annimosity as to money.

I want a different arrangement now, but if I ever did go into a fulltime live in. It would be on the same conditions as before. I do not wish a partner to profit off of me, and I will not profit off a partner.
Love is Love, hard to dodge it when it comes up and smacks you in the heart

hope you got some ideas from the previous.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at March 29, 2008 3:29 PM

I couldn't have put it better if I tried G... what a wise woman you are!! Who would've thought we'd join a dating site and end up with new girlfriends?? Not me for sure, but boy oh boy, what a blessing it's been.

On topic, I can hardly believe I'm about to say this, but I agree with Richard... "Let the 20 year olds gain by life experience, let them make their disastrous decisions in life, let them learn by the errors, but if you have been there and done it once, why in the world would you want to do it again?" Marriage can be wonderful, and every girl deserves a lovely wedding, but once is enough for this little black duck. I'm happy to commit to the right person should he come along, but feel no desire or necessity to make it "legal"

Posted by: victoriadownunder at March 29, 2008 2:57 PM

amdoingit, would love to hear more in person some time, for sure - but our get togethers tend to lend themselves more to laughter and banter than the D&Ms, don't you reckon? Perhaps we could fit in a quick one, though, eh? (D&M, that is)

riversong, I reckon anyone who's been around the blogs for a while knows exactly who "richardclone" is, bless his little cotton socks...

subzero, I'm glad to hear the blogs are proving to be a good outlet for you. They've been good for me too. We got a bit "spoilt" a while back with the instant postings, and I wish we could return to those days - it made the blogs flow in a better way, although it is good to see so many new people posting, I must say.

Posted by: malsie at March 29, 2008 2:55 PM

It may be the right decision at the time, but everything is this world is subject to time and change.
Now on the subject of love, theres a difference between:
1.simply loving,
2.being in love,
3.falling in love,
4. or just being so in love with the idea of love itself, that the choice of person you choose to love dont really matter.
MONEY:::
From a guys point of view,. if he be rich like SirPaul Mcartney he has too much too loose and for the poorer guy he really cannot afford to loose too much of what he has.
Personally I have no illogical desire to gamble my business,bankaccount, super, realestate and other assets for the chance that some woman who wants so badly to be a queen for a day, that any king will do, until it does not suite her any more and attempts to take a big chunk of what the guy has, on the way out.
If someone has change of heart you should just be able change the sheets and doorlocks and get on with life.

Posted by: sincrolad at March 29, 2008 2:37 PM

Hi all!
Been 'lurking' for a bit [sorry!] Had to put my little bit in for this one though.
I've been divorced twice now and not actually looking to get married again. That doesn't mean I'm not willing to be in a committed relationship nor am totally adverse to the concept of marriage if it was truly important to my partner. I think it's up to the individuals. Do you need to proclaim to the world that you are committed to one another [marriage] or do you both feel secure in your relationship and it's your business only? Is it just a piece of paper or is it more? Again, it's up to the individuals involved.
Boyd...Don't give up! I had my first kids [yes twins!] at 44 years old, so there's time for you yet!!
Virgil.. Had to see the guy who took the bait sooo hard in a previous blog!

Posted by: rebeldave at March 29, 2008 2:10 PM

Spot on Malsie, ditto similar experience - where the sparks ignited from the firm foundations of friendship.

WoodnWine we don't have to "taint" the future with the past - we learn from our experiences and mistakes - hindsight is that wonderful thing that helps people to develop foresight :)

For some people, like Oldergent and Virgil, who are prepared to accept their own responsibility in what happened, it will make them learn and grow, and ensure their next relationship is even better. For others, sadly, it makes them bitter, cynical, and closes their hearts to never want to expose themselves again.

From what I've observed, different people are looking for different things in RSVP. Each to their own. So long as it's mutual and there's no deception involved. Sadly, a lot of those looking for long-term get hooked in by those looking for short-term thrills. And for a lot of this "chemistry" is to blame :)

Posted by: riversong1 at March 29, 2008 1:02 PM

Hi Subby, I've been watching your comments with interest and it's amazing just how much of you you're pouring out. It's amazing how we can offload onto total strangers isn't it?? I think these blogs will go a long way to helping you deal with your situation.

You know, you could well end up meeting some wonderful people off these blogs. I know I have and those friendships gained I wouldn't trade for all the tea in China.

For some of us, maybe we won't meet our future partners on here but I do believe that most of us will leave the site knowing that we gained something. Maybe some friends, some inner strength that we never knew we had or even jst a better sense of coping with what we've been through thanks to the support of so many.

You're so obviously hurting but I can tell you it will get better. Don't try changing yourself. Just be who you are. Good luck... "G"

Posted by: amdoingit at March 29, 2008 12:45 PM

Not everyone makes mistakes. Some couples just grow apart, or grow in different directions, and are able to accept this as a part of lifes journey,and either separate or divorce without angst.

Every one is different of course, as are their circumstances.

Posted by: femalepersuasion at March 29, 2008 12:38 PM

Mals, thank you... There's lots I haven't shared yet.. Maybe next time when we get to spend more time together.???
Have actually stunned myself by blurting out what I have.. Usually takes a couple of wines and a D&M situation to get anything deep out of me.. Just goes to show!!!
Cheers... "G"

Posted by: amdoingit at March 29, 2008 12:31 PM

Hi jenjen blogland is fun,It's email's for free,and you girls relpy,nice. i might not meet anyone on RSVP but i get to chat and talk with you ppl.

(karina i do have stamps but no one replies)

Thanks Subzero...

Posted by: subzeroelite at March 29, 2008 12:27 PM

In life, everyone makes mistakes.

You are meant to learn from your mistakes.

Say you abused your boss in your first job and got sacked.

Are you going to do the same again with your next employment and suffer the same consequences?

It is a fundamental axiom to the process of maturity and wisdom that you learn by your mistakes.

Why then is it any different with marriage?

Everyone gets married once.

Why would you want to commit marriage again?

Are you trying to build up some sort of rap sheet of “priors” like your average or common garden criminal and inmate of Her Majesty’s institutions?

Have you not learnt from your initial mistake, so much so that you must commit the same error over and over again.

Let the 20 year olds gain by life experience, let them make their disastrous decisions in life, let them learn by the errors, but if you have been there and done it once, why in the world would you want to do it again?

Posted by: richardzkruspe at March 29, 2008 12:27 PM

Hi Amber,What you said is almost 100% correct, I did hope that we could be together again,until i found out that (2 weeks ago)she was seeing a better looking, better everything than me.Goals not really i was meant to spend the rest of my life,supporting,loving,and looking after my wife and kids,Thats all i ever needed and desired. But now where do i go,What do i do. Yes my profile is excessive, but i was honest and my way of thinking is,you know when you meet people on your first date thing,and they look different talk different,ETC. At least they would know and really like me, because they know who i am, before we meet. But, yes i will tone it down a notch thanks.Funny things is i just went back into construction,to get fitter stronger, look better,when i have a network engineering background and sales...How sad is that! or is it?
You know what,i wished we all lived in the same area,so we can hang out, talk stories gossip.

To, OG i don't think i am going anywhere soon.
Thank...Subzero

Posted by: subzeroelite at March 29, 2008 12:06 PM

Perhaps we’re confusing the terms “chemistry” and “passion”. I totally agree – there has to be passion in a relationship - otherwise it’s just a platonic friendship, or some sort of mutually convenient arrangement :)

Posted by: riversong1 at March 29, 2008 11:11 AM

WnW, I used to think similarly to you, that if the "chemistry" wasn't there within a couple of meetings it wasn't destined to be. However, having had a relationship a few years ago where I went out with the guy a few times - thinking there was no chemistry and having told him I'd like to be friends only - he kissed me goodnight, and what do you know, there was indeed chemistry! So the relationship took off on a whole new path. It taught me to not jump to conclusions on the subject (for myself), but it did seem to need that actual attempt at physical intimacy before I knew.... (plus I have known it go the other way too, years ago being attracted to some guy and as soon as we kissed I got a definite cosmic "no" in the attraction sense).

Posted by: malsie at March 29, 2008 11:09 AM

Amberlight and Amdoingit I thank you so much for sharing your stories. those experiences have gone long way to making you the wonderful compassionate women you appear to be on theses blogs. You are both always quick to give advice and care for others here. Stand strong and tall and if someone is to come into your lives they wil be all the better men or the experience.
I wish I was so brave to tell my sad story but is not half so long in coming as both of yours. What does not kill just makes us stronger. But are men looking for the strong woman. I dont know.
Lust and chemistry and caring and interest all have to be there for a great realtionship to last the distance. also good character.
I want my man to lust after me forever. Why not? it does not have to go does it just because you get older or get to know a person more.

Posted by: oohlala1 at March 29, 2008 11:06 AM

Thanks everyone for sharing your stories with us and I mean no disrespect to any of you but it does worry me that so many people (in life) at our age have had such bad experiences and makes me wonder how many can be truly open to a new relationship. I've been on the receiving end of pre-conceived ideas due to past experiences and it makes starting a new relationship almost impossible.

I think it's very important not to blame future possible partners for what has happened in the past or to assume that they will be the same, react the same or want the same things as previous partners. Wow, this really scares me.

Posted by: woodnwine at March 29, 2008 11:02 AM

Having been on the receiving end of men’s “chemistry” enough times I’ve learnt how fickle it is! My biggest mistake in relationships has been to fall in love with men who fall in lust with me. Something I’ve observed many other (attractive) women doing as well. Learning to retain equanimity/sensibility despite it’s strong allure (especially if one is hungry) is a lesson I’m still working on.

WoodnWine - what I’ve learnt (through life experience) - it’s better to be patient and go slow, get to know the person, see what they are really like and how compatible you are, than ride from buzz to rollercoaster buzz on a “chemistry” high. Chemistry is like the kindle wood – burns quick and bright – great to bring people together and exciting for short-term thrills, but you need a more substantial log to keep the fire stoked. Depends what one is looking for I suppose :)

PS Hey - as per decoratress’s post on the other blog – does this mean you all believe richardclone is for real??

Posted by: riversong1 at March 29, 2008 10:59 AM

"The attraction and connection that develops when you really get to know and love someone for the real person that they are - that's "chemistry " of a different kind, but takes time. Not something that would be obvious on the first date."

Posted by: riversong1 at March 29, 2008 8:07 AM

riversong ... I have to disagree, chemistry is either there or it isn't. It may take a couple of meetings to see it but if it isn't there early on I don't think it will ever be there. It doesn't grow, it's there or it isn't.

Posted by: woodnwine at March 29, 2008 10:49 AM

"Let's not confuse chemistry with lust. We all experience lust but chemistry is altogether different. Lust won't last however chemistry is essential for a relationship to prosper. I've experienced a marriage without chemistry, a later relationship which (I figured out) was only lust and now enjoy a relationship of 18 months with chemistry. I'm now of an age and experience to understand the difference......I think?"

Posted by: troyohboy at March 28, 2008 10:39 PM

That's it ... I also had a marriage without chemistry, to a wonderful woman, but without the chemistry it was really just a FWB situation and that wasn't enough for me. I've experienced chemistry and I want it again ... it takes you beyong all those other things and bonds you to a person .... commits you to them because you feel that special connection.

Posted by: woodnwine at March 29, 2008 10:41 AM

You will notice that the man in the photo would appear to be in his late twenties.

That is about the limit for marriageable male material.

After that their head goes wonky and bits and pieces start to fall off their body.

You buy a new car because you want mileage without the necessity of constant faults, continuous servicing and unreliable performance.

There are plenty of clapped out second hand bombs around you can hire from the el cheapos in the rental industry.

Use them, return them to where you found them (Leaverite there mate!) but don’t buy them

Same with men.

Posted by: richardzkruspe at March 29, 2008 9:11 AM

Posted by: oohlala1 at March 29, 2008 10:38 AM

riversong ... I believe there is a big difference between lust and chemistry. You can lust after someone without there being any chemistry. Chemistry is that magic thing that can bond two people ... and hopefully the lust can be with the same person.

Posted by: woodnwine at March 29, 2008 10:33 AM

amdoingit, no, you weren't waffling on at all, and thanks for sharing your story, which kind of stunned me, that you'd gone through that. That you've risen above all that and got on with your life in such a positive way is clearly evident in the warm, engaging and vibrant person that you are.

amberlight, we've touched on this subject previously elsewhere in the blogs, I recall. I so relate to what you were saying about having parents in an unhappy marriage and how that influences you. I chose a different path of avoiding marriage permanently because of it, I believe (although haven't ruled out that one day it may happen, but extremely doubtful now, I would think). I know in my teens I used to say myself frequently, like a mantra, "I'll never get married, I'll never get a married" - and thus it proved to be the case!

himagain, it's not greedy to need to be visually attracted to someone, just how the majority of people honestly feel, I reckon. As you say, not a matter of "good looks" per se, just some particular thing that's appealing to the individual.

Posted by: malsie at March 29, 2008 10:31 AM

Poor Richard - I have a 1964 British sports car I wouldn't give up for the world. Classy, sporty, a tad wonky at times but not deliberately so, and a great performer in the right hands (and fantastic topless!)...
A bit like people really.
You go for replaceable plastic and I'll stick with fantastic classic!

Marriage? I don't think a paper or ceremony is needed; maybe some people would like a specific event to mark committment.

To me its more about the relationship than the event. Partners will stay, go, love, support, or cheat according to their needs being met ot not. Yes it really can be that simple.
It seems that conventional social pressures exert more pressure sometimes than two people ever could.

Posted by: firelightlady at March 29, 2008 10:21 AM

If you consider people as the eqivalent of a car: it could be considered that it is much the same with some blokes too.
The difference is that many of them don't actually don't notice that their engine's a bit worn out, their joints need greasing and their performance has deteriorated.
Many blokes look at themselves and see a sporty Lamborghini that gorgeous women will fall all over, while other people just see a dodgy old Commodore at the back of the used car lot that may be possibly be test-driven by someone, if it's cheap enough and deemed repairable .
Do you see a Lamborghini when you look in the mirror, Richard?

Posted by: amberlight58 at March 29, 2008 10:21 AM

Posted by: subzeroelite at March 28, 2008 8:07 PM

Like you, I have no regrets.
No I couldnt imagine being alone for 28 years, and I am glad I wasnt. Wouldnt have my three kids if I had been, and they are the best things in my life, the reason for living and I couldnt breathe without them.
But being in a relationship is not everything. And being in a bad relationship as I was for the last 10 years before I jumped ship (well actually I threw him overboard) I know it can be even lonelier living with someone than living without them.
From your profile you have obviously been very very hurt. Hope you find the one that will make your heart smile again.
Welcome to blogland :)

Posted by: jenjen57 at March 29, 2008 10:02 AM

Amber I've just sent off a post to you. Got interupted by a long phone call early in the piece and need to get ready to go out. Finished in haste so hope I didn't stuff up too badly.. Sorry if i did and will check later and rectify where need be if necessary..
You look like a gorgeous woman who is not too old and I just wanted you to feel good about yourself. Good luck... "G"

Posted by: amdoingit at March 29, 2008 9:57 AM

Late 20's??? She looks barely out of her teens!

Having been well past that stage of life for several years, I'm still trying to work out which parts have fallen off! My head is certainly not "wonky" by any stretch of the imagination, in fact I am far more "educated" in many ways than I was back in those days, have no serious faults, and am certainly not unreliable.

Richard....you've got it all wrong....perhaps you should start your analogies by taking a long, hard look in the mirror before you make a blanket comment like that.

I dont think you can generalise either Virgil about the piece of paper making it a much more committed relationship. I was way more committed to a non-marriage relationship than I was the other way. I made mistakes in both, didn't run in either after those mistakes. Relationships should be founded on mutual respect and love, not on a piece of paper you spent thousands to sign!!!

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at March 29, 2008 9:52 AM

Amber, good god girl, what on earth are you saying... Not in the desirable age??? No raving beauty... I would almost give my right arm to be 49 again and there sure as hell isn't anything wrong with your looks... I think I'd remove the sentence at the end of your profile that say's you're terrified of meeting someone though.. Could be a deterent. Just my sentiment for what it's worth...

You need to tell yourself that it's all in the past.. There'a a whole life still out there for you and there are some genuine men out there too who would love to partner up with a woman such as yourself.. It can still be a wonderful experience. Don't let your past history cloud you to what can still be out there.
Be a little cautious sure but hey, give it a go and be excited about the prospect of having a new chapter beginning...

Good luck... Live and let love in... "G"

Posted by: amdoingit at March 29, 2008 9:50 AM

To get married or not to get married???Hmmm
Well i have read alot of your comments, yes it is only a legal document that you dont need to show the one you love you will be faithful, true, and respectful, however that is a 2 sided coin...we dont need it and one comment i read said if they need that piece of paper to stay then say goodbye, but if it is only a piece of paper and a ceremony why is there a problem in doing it? I have been married and married for 18 years, i have been burnt, but out of it i got something you cant buy, 2 great children and a life experience of now i know what i need in a person to make it work. My feelings are when you are young alot of us get married as it is the next step in that so called relationship, its the day alot of people get married for, you dont know what pressures occur when children come along or you buy a home and your in this boring day to day (groundhog day) situation...suddenly there is no time for you as a couple, its all about children bills, maintaining a home....well second time round and yes i do hope for second time round because i see it as a chance to not only share my life with someone i also know i wont settle for less than what i know i need to make me happy...besides the outside attraction (that might be his smile, nice eyes etc) it will be that connection that i know i can talk to him about anything and everything he will be my lover with whom i cant get enough of but he will also be my playmate so to speak. Yes i do want to have a lovely wedding day but not to the grandeur you do when young, i would dearly love a ceremony on a beach with just our closest friends a romantic but honest ceremony where i am not making the day perfect for everyone else but perfect for my partner and me...maybe 10 people and nature but its an honest wedding and more romantic than the first on a lot smaller scale....second marriages are a gift in a way, you get alot more spare time without children so you as a couple can enjoy things together, you get the added bonuses of sharing in each others childrens, but mainly you know when that lust of sex wears off you have friendship with that person you like to spend time with them out of the bedroom and sex becomes love making and when you do it it is amazing on a totally different level....i am after my best friend ....and yes lover but mainly my friend.....
Kell

Posted by: brighteyes1970 at March 29, 2008 9:48 AM

riversong, we had a discussion around the word "chemistry" a few weeks ago, and tge best word we could come up with was the "hots" which is pretty dreadful of itself but describes the feeling better to me than playing with sulfur, test tubes and bunsen burners.

amberlight, you are a lovely caring person, and it was my great pleasure to meet you a few weeks ago, during the Adelaide heatwave. That is a very touching story. It would be nice to be able to re-do our mistakes, as I made plenty in my early years of marriage as well.

I feel the goal posts had moved, and I wasnt sure what was right, and what wasnt.

The younger generation, have a much clearer idea what is acceptable behaviour, and few new husbands, would make the mistakes we made in the 70's.

I dont know if I will ever marry again, but I feel the bit of paper is important. It is a legal document, that says you dont finish it by walking out the door.

It is messy to finish, particularly where shares and property are involved. This is a good thing, because it makes it messy to split up, and easier to say lets both try a little harder.

Someone made the point yesterday, I think it was amberlight, that its best not to get married or think about it till after the first flush of love and lust are settled, and people know they can be together as companions.

Posted by: virgil at March 29, 2008 9:39 AM

Richard, there's no point you being on a dating site with your last comment about women.If we women thought like you then the wedding industry just collapsed.A shame your profile is hidden as we can't check out what bits have fallen off you.

Posted by: blueeyes1955 at March 29, 2008 9:37 AM

I don't think anyone should buy into richardclone's speel.

Posted by: riversong1 at March 29, 2008 9:35 AM

You will notice that the girl in the photo would appear to be in her late twenties.

That is about the limit for marriageable female material.

After that their head goes wonky and bits and pieces start to fall off their body.

You buy a new car because you want mileage without the necessity of constant faults, continuous servicing and unreliable performance.

There are plenty of clapped out second hand bombs around you can hire from the el cheapos in the rental industry.

Use them, return them to where you found them (Leaverite there mate!) but don’t buy them

Same with women.

Posted by: richardzkruspe at March 29, 2008 9:11 AM

Virgil, if there's no committment without formalised marriage, then marriage is the go. If there can be such committment without it, then why do it? If it's the same, then why NOT do it? Each to their own.

I'm with you Virgil - the sharing of the special words (that you can write yourselves these days) of public committment displayed in front of everyone near and dear to you, and the wearing of rings is a simple way of making it very clear - these two have chosen to commit to each other.

It doesn't have to be traditional, expensive or anything to do with religion or law. I stumbled across a beautiful "wedding" of two young backpackers on the beach during my holiday - a heart laid in the sand of stones and flowers surrounded them as their "altar", and they signed their names in joined hearts drawn in the sand. The barefoot bride had wildflowers decorating her hair, and people all bought food, drinks, and musical instrumenst to share. Everyone (very tribal) continued celebrating, busking, dancing on into the evening after the setting sun. It was a joyous public celebration of their union. Made more real by being made in public than promises made in private in the dark.

It would have cost absolutely zilch - on the most exclusive beach in Byron (Watego). Such a stark contast to the millionare's "do" that had been set up with tressle tables, champagne, hoers-do-ouvres, limos, bridal merangue dress, veil, and the full works at the exclusive place opposite that very same beach the night before!!

Like I said - each to their own :)

Posted by: riversong1 at March 29, 2008 8:38 AM

abckenny, troyobuy and jodes - interesting issue for discussion. Yes, lets not confuse lust and infatuation with "chemistry". But let's not confuse love with "chemistry" either.

I'm actually not sure what people mean by "chemistry" - the word is used/understood in so many different ways.

Instant attraction can't be anything more than lust , infatuation, and romantic projection, since you know absolutely nothing about this stranger except the external facade they choose to display. I don't mean just their body/external appearance, I mean their whole mask and character portrayed to the outside world.

There's also the physical "chemistry" - hormones - the endorphines that give such an initial high, and also the oxytocin (released during orgasm) - the bonding "glue" - love potion - that kicks in when you sleep with someone.

The attraction and connection that develops when you really get to know and love someone for the real person that they are - that's "chemistry " of a different kind, but takes time. Not something that would be obvious on the first date.

Posted by: riversong1 at March 29, 2008 8:07 AM

Twenty-seven years ago I had no real idea what I was looking for in a relationship!
I wanted someone stable, who didn't gamble and drink too heavily (getting drunk every night like my dad did and hitting me, like my father hit my mother) and someone who thought I was good enough for him! (It never occurred to me to think if he may be good enough for me!)
However, my husband had a huge list of demands. The main one being that I didn't interfere with his life! His mantra was I wasn't going to change him!
So we married when he wanted to, had a baby when he wanted to and I worked night shift part-time, looked after our baby who never seemed to sleep at night when I wasn't working, took care of the bills and pretty much left him to his life which mainly involved sport and being heavily involved in the emergency services as a Volunteer.

When I asked for any support from him I was told I was demanding and/or neurotic. He viewed me as being selfish and difficult, not coping in my role as wife and mother.
We eventually had 4 children (I lost a baby in between my 3rd and 4th pregnancy at 19 weeks gestation) Surprisingly, he didn't seem to mind us having 4 children although I now realise, he actually resented all of us bitterly because we impacted too much on his life financially, even though I worked for most of our marriage.

To be honest, I can't really remember a lot of happy days. On our short honeymoon he stayed up one night until 3AM talking with some guys he found were also in the CFS and got angry because I was hurt! (I wonder about the guys he talked to until the wee small hours; if their marriages survived?)
Even in the early days of our marriage, I felt sad and lonely for much of the time.
But I loved our children dearly, and they made the loneliness tolerable.
After 22 years of marriage, I left him as things got a lot worse and his contempt for me only grew, as the children began to grow up.
So marriage; as a child growing up with unhappy parents who seemed to hate each other, and as a wife who was blamed when I could no longer bear my husband touching me, is not seen by me as something I want to aspire to.

I honestly envy those of you who have seen the good side of marriage, as a child growing up and/or especially as an adult. I can understand why those of you who have experienced the happy side of marriage, before it all fell apart, may be keen to try again.
For me, the thought of ever getting married again is quite frightening.
I think I may always need the exit door behind me!

I would like to think I could one day meet someone who will love me for who I am, but I am not all that hopeful. Let's face it, statistically I am in not in a desirable age range and I am no raving beauty!!

My major regret is that I did not understand much about relationships when I was young. I had no 'mentor', no person who had experienced marital happiness, to explain to me the need to check whether the person I was marrying had the same values, needs, ways of trying to deal with issues and feelings that I had; whether as the modern term seems to be these days, we were even "on the same page". (Obviously we weren't, although the sex was good in the early days!!)

But as I learnt painfully enough, that side of a relationship can't last when everything else is so wrong.

So I guess, my experience shows that not asking enough questions about yourself and your partner before you make the most important decision of your life, (having the attitude, "well it's not perfect but we'll work it out": the divorce rate would suggest that most times you don't!) is not the way to go!!

Posted by: amberlight58 at March 29, 2008 7:55 AM

If you need a signed piece of paper to make someone stay in a relationship then move on. It is lovely if you both want to do the extra mile but shouldn't be necessary if you love each other enough. I am not a regular church goer but people all over the world commit to a relationship with God without signing a document. And just as in marriage, they also make mistakes and break that faith. A marriage cert. doesn't stop people cheating on their spouse.
Amdoingit- glad to read you are moving forward.I believe that as I am a worthwhile woman(and most people are) then there are just as many worthwhile men out there. There must be some positive things you got out of the relationship even if it to only learn more about yourself.We only tend to hear of the rats in society as they make more noise.

Posted by: blueeyes1955 at March 29, 2008 7:46 AM

Hi all, so this is where all the activity has moved to. It's amazing to see so many people bare their souls so to speak..

Perth @ 9.37, couldn't have put it better myself...

Would I marry again?? I honestly don't know...A piece of paper is just that..At the end of the day it's not the piece of paper that's going to keep you together is it????

I would hower like to think that there's someone out there who could/would commit to a relationship as such. Love, trust and all that Perth put in her post.
I was married to a man for over 20 years who was a true con. Yep, to the point that he did in fact live 2 lives and had a child with his other partner to boot. Was I dumb to not see it??. Maybe, but I like to think I was just too trusting at the time. The fact that I worked long hours (and was the breadwinner) was a real slap in the face as I was supporting them as well. Took a bit of getting over but when I looked back the signs were there and maybe I chose to ignore them.. Who knows.. They say love is blind.. Was I in love..Yes... Was he... Not with me... Seems I was chosen by him for various reasons but love was not one of them.
Has it soured me.. Hell no...Once the hurt was gone I just accepted that it was his loss...and it was... Just wish I'd found out sooner. So many wasted years..

I will love again..Well I bloody well hope so.. and I hope to be loved in return.. Something that eluded me in my married years..

Wow, this is getting a bit too deep. Baring more of me than I intended to. Who needs a therapist when we have the blogs..

That's me done for the night. My god have I waffled or what??

Night all.... "G"

Posted by: amdoingit at March 29, 2008 12:06 AM

Why would anyone... it's only a bit of paper!!

Making that commitment is more than a piece of paper to me

Posted by: bubblesme at March 28, 2008 11:35 PM

Haven't been married and don't plan to be... I have been engaged though and maybe being burnt slightly has tainted my view of it. Other than a big exensive party, how does it change your relationship? On the subject of chemistry relating to being attacted to a good looking person. I don't see it that way. Chemistry for me has nothing to do with looks... Jodie :)

Posted by: jodes75 at March 28, 2008 11:26 PM

Marriage. No, l don't think l would ever do that again, but the thought of loving someone wholly and completely is a very alluring one.

I think that as a fortysomething it is a non expectation as opposed to being a twentysomething. When l married l was twenty four, had been with him since l was seventeen, and its just what you did then..

When a marriage ends, the hopes and dreams that we all have seem to crumble into dust, but that does not mean that our hearts should be closed to that special feeling shared with the one you love, and you do not need marriage for that.
True love, in my opinion, does not need a formal ceremony and legal documentation to prove it's existence...........K

Posted by: auntykaz at March 28, 2008 11:02 PM

Marriage brings with it a committment, far and away greater than a relationship.

It gives space for the occasional mistake, whereas in a relationship, it can be I'm outa here at the first slip.

Posted by: virgil at March 28, 2008 10:42 PM

Let's not confuse chemistry with lust. We all experience lust but chemistry is altogether different. Lust won't last however chemistry is essential for a relationship to prosper. I've experienced a marriage without chemistry, a later relationship which (I figured out) was only lust and now enjoy a relationship of 18 months with chemistry. I'm now of an age and experience to understand the difference......I think?

Posted by: troyohboy at March 28, 2008 10:39 PM

Are you ready for married life, my answer is yes both with and without the ring.

I refuse to allow a broken union that lasted 18 mainly happy years to make me wary of trying again.

However, I do not think it needs to be a legal or paper thing. The issue to me is whether two people can come together in the spirit of cooperation, shared experiences and forge a common path in the future. Does it need to be the same path, no, but it does need to regularly converge.

Of course, many of us here have expressed views based upon past experience, without doubt the issues would be quite different for the never marrieds.

Posted by: willow1059 at March 28, 2008 10:20 PM

himagain...you are so right!..of course its not so easy 20 years later because we now have the experience of age and disappointments...we have learned from that experience what we are looking for and need.

You are not shallow in your visual needs...its a case of...if we are not attracted to each other it does not mean we are unattractive just not to each other...so true.

We are all visual people and its only natural to lock into the visual...imagine if we were blind we would rely on the senses which at the end of the day are far more important.

Just my thoughts anyway...

Posted by: pixiemagic at March 28, 2008 10:06 PM

Marriage proposal?...I'll be more happy if I proposed to a man, (not way around). I'll give him engagement ring, buy him a wedding ring and elegant tailored of "Tuxedo", overseas honeymoon of his choice, surely, He's in "Tear's of Joy"....Thanks goodness he contribute some and luckily, I don't wear "Both Foot of Man's Shoes"...seriously :-}

Posted by: aliane at March 28, 2008 9:52 PM

such wisdom to come from Mt Claremont, and an Essendon supporter as well

Excellent stuff

Posted by: virgil at March 28, 2008 9:50 PM

Riverlovelysong I think you said it all. To know someone who cares about you, cares how you feel, whether you are safe, happy sad, cares to make you laugh and wants to share and accepts you for who you are, at that time in your life. And in turn you care for that other person because they are the special person who cares for you. I guess it's trust, it's safety and it's comfort and it's also knowing where you are in another persons heart. I don't need a piece of paper, it's the honesty in your heart and the connection that counts.

Posted by: iaminperth at March 28, 2008 9:37 PM

riversong The "chemistry" factor is very over-rated - blinds people to the person they're with until they get to know them months later and feel short-changed.That doesn't sound like chemistry to me at all....sounds very much like lust or infatuation not chemistry

Posted by: abckenny at March 28, 2008 9:35 PM

riversong

I share your view on this. 20, or so, years ago it seemed far easier to find a person with the values/qualities that I need. Today, not so easy.

On the down side, I must enjoy looking at my lady, she must appeal to me visually. This doesn't mean she has to be an absolute stunner, what ever that is to each individual, it simply means there must be something I'm attracted to. Eyes, smile, the way her nose wrinkles when she laughs, something.

This may me somewhat shallow and perhaps a little greedy, however, no matter how she looks, without the beauty within her she won't appeal to me.

I have met some beautiful looking women, (eyes of the beholder), yet, due to the person some are, they have turned out to be the ugliest women I have met.

Yup. It's the heart of the person, the core of their being that, to me, is most important. But I can't seem get past the visual thing also. Greedy I guess.

Boyd.

Posted by: himagain at March 28, 2008 9:33 PM

River.
Marriage is not the end all and be all as you state. It is not only goods and chattels that are discarded when not wanted. I never envisaged that it would be so hard to connect with a companion. Should I be fortunate to find one it will be a lifetime commitment from me. Maybe at the end of my time if she is still alive it will have been good enough for her to want to find another partner and go again. That I think is the proof of commitment
Glad you are feeling better.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at March 28, 2008 9:21 PM

This seems a bit like putting the cart before the horse, where most of us here are looking for the next realtionship.

Some say the world of the internet is so false, and possibly for some, it is, like richard/roger who has to change profiles so he can tell us about his footy team.

For Boyd, at 42, wondering about children, then for some of us in the mid range, not sure, maybe, maybe not.

Then at the other end of the scale, timewarp with his partner who lives 75 ks away, that is a bridge too far. and OG who is tough, because life has made him that way, and who feels manhood is defined by ideals different to Willow, Himagain and myself.

Tis difficult to achieve consensus, the best we can hope for is peaceful cohabitation in the sandpit.

Posted by: virgil at March 28, 2008 9:06 PM

iaminperth

A fair assumption, but no, not a wedding ring. My dad died 4 years ago and it was his ring. On my right hand, it gave me a skin irritation. Doesn't help with the dating thing, I'm sure; but I simply haven't been dating.

sunrizesiesta.

Thank you, I believe so too. Having been alone for 5 years it's hasn't really bothered me so much, until late. My business has exploded in the past 2 years and I am, somewhat, of a work-a-houlic and this has distracted me to a large extent. I do miss all those lovely things that a female brings to ones life.

OG

The only bullshit has been the slinging match. I stand by every word. What you have experienced is me; from my heart.

Posted by: himagain at March 28, 2008 9:04 PM

RE: "How important is love compared to sex, money and family on this decision?"

I think the most important things are the basics - trust, respect, integrity - all those near extinct things less and less seen around these days! Friendship and compatibility - that you share common values/ attitudes/ world views and genuinely LIKE (as well as lust and love) each other. That you both nurture and inspire each other and encourage each to grow.

The "chemistry" factor is very over-rated - blinds people to the person they're with until they get to know them months later and feel short-changed. For those looking for long-term relationships, it's worth developing the art of seeing people for their inner being rather than outerwrapping. Imagine how different our relationships would be if we were all blind.

Posted by: riversong1 at March 28, 2008 9:03 PM

Hi Subzero,
Yes I have read your profile just now. Your hurt and sadness is still very obvious, you must have loved your wife very much.
You seem like a nice person, I hope you can start healing soon.

The thing is that you won't ever be able to replace your wife. You may meet someone else you can love, but it will never be the same.
No one can help you heal, you have to do that for yourself. For some people 3 years or less is enough time. For others after 3 years they are still just coming out of the "shock". I suppose some people just "feel" more than others.
Did you keep hoping that your wife would see how wonderful and devoted you were and want you back?
That happens to many of us :)

I think to keep hoping the person will change their mind really delays the grieving process. You know the old saying "while there's life there's hope". While we keep hoping we can't move on.

Just be careful that you don't rush (I know it's 3 years, but you said it is still so raw it feels like 2 weeks) into a new relationship just to cure your broken heart.
To be whole for yourself (and someone else) you do really need to grieve. If you don't alow yourself to grieve, you may begin another relationship, but there may still be a big empty hole in your heart that nothing can fill.

This means that the next relationship you have may only be a "filler". That's okay if the person is willing to accept that his may be the case, but some people can really get hurt in this situation.
Are there some things that you really love to do? Things you may have lost sight off while you were married? Do you have some goals (other than getting married again) that you would like to achieve?
Maybe find something you love to do that can "fill the gap" and help you feel like your own person again.
Sure keep looking for that special someone, but don't make it your mission in life.
You could actually scare your ideal partner away by being TOO intense!

Posted by: amberlight58 at March 28, 2008 8:55 PM

OG "Is marriage any longer relevant?" I think committment definitely is - as sunkissedqldr pointed out. Everything today is too easily replaceable/disposable, including relationships; especially with the advent of internet shopping!

It's not the piece of paper or ring that counts, but the knowing that someone really cares for you in a full way, to stir the porridge, share the daily good and bad, in for the long journey.

A lot of "relationships" are very superficial these days - little more than "you scratch my back (ego) and I'll scrath yours - but only while the sun is shining, or until I get "bored", or see someone taller/slimmer/younger/richer/with more hair/prettier/better than you, or simply just feel like a change :)

Would I do it again? Committed - definitely worth it (to the person, not the institution!) Married? Well... don't know - been there twice - third time: lucky or shy? ;)

Posted by: riversong1 at March 28, 2008 8:41 PM

Subby.
that is the aim of the exersize, you to find a wife and me to find a companion, each to our own age group and desire, sounded simple at first didn't it? I hope you are lucky.

I remember when I first joined there was another man that touched me with his honest desire for a wife, unfortunately his body adornements seemed to put the Ladies off and I have not seen him posting for a long time. I have often wondered what became of him.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at March 28, 2008 8:35 PM

Wow there are so many hurt people on this blog,Here i was thinking i was the worst. Don't you remember how happy you were when you got married?,wasn't it the best times of our lives?I thought yes,Were you not proud to be her husband or wife?

jenjen57 28years of being married could you imagine being alone for all that time?

blueeyes1955 I think it does,especially with introductions; better than the awkward silence,that you are in a defacto relationship or just special friends ETC.
I loved when i was introduced as; meet my husband.Than meet my partner. And for you ladies doesn't it make you feel better if a gentleman said; Hello i would like for you to meet my beautiful wife?

Posted by: subzeroelite at March 28, 2008 8:07 PM

OG I just read your profile,I love your witty sense of humor,didn't expect you to be so funny and creative, I wish you well,and i hope we find girls/ladies with our values,loyalties and good hearted attidudes.

Time will tell,i'm hoping sooner rather than latter.

Subzero

Posted by: subzeroelite at March 28, 2008 7:42 PM

Get married again ?? Hmmm.......been there, done that (twice, 7yrs and 21yrs) so I am not sure I would do it again, but am not against the idea. If it was important to him, yes, otherwise probably not. What would be the point ? It doesn't give you any guarantees that the relationship will last does it? Third time lucky perhaps :)))

Posted by: jenjen57 at March 28, 2008 7:31 PM

In the disposable society we live in now, I'm not sure re-marriage is that important to me. I don't think that little "bit" of paper makes you any more or less committed in the long run, just makes it a little more time consuming and difficult to get out of in the end.

Would I marry again? Not sure, I'm thinking I need to find someone to date first....but seriously, I dont know. I dont think I "need" to be married again....I dont need to do it for the children or whatever other reasons people offer. I can be equally, if not more, committed just being with someone as I was being married (for more than a decade).

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at March 28, 2008 7:16 PM

Yeah well, I'd get married again but I haven't been through a tortuous marriage. My marriage was just bland. No fights, not enough passion for that. I have learnt a lot after 4 years and would only do it again if I could do it with passion. Not the passion of lust but with someone who has a passion for life

Posted by: troyohboy at March 28, 2008 6:49 PM

I would get married again..never say never. If I could find someone?? Yes we would have to be compatible, in love and both agreeable and both believe in the big C word ..COMMITMENT. Many people have a problem with that word? A good point amberlight...many people move on quickly when things become "uncomfortale" or difficult. Sharing the troubled times makes for a greater love for someone who would truly weather the unpleasantries as well as sharing the joys. For me to have a partner who stays and shows he is really committed would definately make the heart grow fonder.

Posted by: sunkissedqldr at March 28, 2008 6:03 PM

Boyd,
No man truly knows the answer to the question you are confronting. That comes when you make the commitment, "mentally" having been married twice you should have found that out by now. As a reasonably young man, I found the the answer when I looked at my first newborn child and the look of profound joy on the face of my beloved. That put me in my place as to who was the most important person in the universe. It was then I became commited to 3 people then 4 then 5.and even when it became 4 again I stayed commited. That to me is what this life is about. So Boyd lets forget the crap of the last blog and get fair dinkum with out the bullshit. Same applies to you Roger, get real.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at March 28, 2008 6:00 PM

Marriage used to be relevant in a different age for a whole lot of reasons. The average life span of human beings was a lot less than that today so being married to one person for the rest of your life was more relevant if you died at 35. Many women died in child birth. Birth control was not available. Only the children born in wedlock had inheritance rights under the previous law. Most people did not venture outside of their village in order to find a partner. Today there are many more opportunities for connecting with people.
I'm not sure that the previous reasons for marriage have a lot of relevance in the modern era. Marriage seems to be something that women want so that by extension they can have children or because they feel social pressure from other women to do so to be part of the "married" club. In fact I have known women who said they only associate with others in the "married club".
Men hardly ever want to get married to have children and men will never be pressured by their mates to get married.

Posted by: liveloudlovelife at March 28, 2008 6:00 PM

Surely if you care for one another enough, a piece of paper shouldn't make that much difference especially when divorce is so easy to get.The government treats you the same after a short period of time with or without a certificate.At my age I don't need the paper, but that doesn't mean I am against marriage. Given the right person, I would again.If young children were involved in the equation, problems can arise where parties have different surnames etc but since i am past all that,it is not an issue to me.

Posted by: blueeyes1955 at March 28, 2008 5:48 PM

Boyd, all the best babe, hope is something I have to keep, remember positive thinking does work (so they tell me....). The perfect someone is out there for you, and if it's meant to be you may one day be a Dad, a very proud Dad I'm guessing.

:-)

Posted by: sunrizesiesta at March 28, 2008 5:45 PM

One last thing Karina, see, i spelt your name correctly this time. I would love to hear your views on the subject.

Posted by: subzeroelite at March 28, 2008 5:43 PM

Posted by: amberlight58 at March 28, 2008 3:53 PM
I was typing in Word,to correct my spelling (Katrina can you pls fix it for me)

Amber view my profile it lasted 10 years i have been seperated for 3+ years but it feels like 2 weeks. Love for me hurts like hell. But i would try it again in a heart beat.
Signed a hopeless romantic
Subzero

Posted by: subzeroelite at March 28, 2008 5:40 PM

Hi everyone,

I'm hearing what everyone's saying and I agree with some.... Having been divorced for 10 years, I would have to meet someone pretty incredible for me to actually believe in marriage again... Don't get me wrong, I haven't closed the book so to speak, however my first marriage did not end on happy terms ie. my ex was NOT a nice man. However, marriage to me (well a good marriage) would be like a partnership, there for each other during the good and the bad, taking the time to listen to each other. As I said in my post over on the other topic, I want the whole package, not sure if that's still around, but I do live in hope. :-)

Posted by: sunrizesiesta at March 28, 2008 5:37 PM

Boyd, You still wear your wedding ring in the photos though. Does that mean they are very old photos or does that mean you are still married ?

Posted by: iaminperth at March 28, 2008 5:33 PM

No

Posted by: iaminperth at March 28, 2008 5:30 PM

OG

"Then the older they get the more suspicious they get of your intentions and doubt that your are for real."

Sounds so familiar. Obviously not only applicable to females.

Boyd.

Posted by: himagain at March 28, 2008 5:16 PM

Twice divorced, I'm still keen on the idea of becoming married again. At 42, I still like the thought of having kids. But will I? I don't know.

I look at many married couples, who've been married for 20, 30 years or more, and I feel a great deal of respect and admiration for them.
They posses qualities that I wish I had; and maybe I do, but, as far as marriage is concerned, I lack sufficient confidence in my ability to commit to marriage for life.

I like the idea, but don't believe I have what it takes to stick with it.

Boyd.

Posted by: himagain at March 28, 2008 4:49 PM

To me ... at my age and having been married before, re-marriage probably wouldn't be too important unless it was to my partner. If we both agreed that we wanted that extra bit of commitment then I'd do it but if not that's OK too.

Posted by: woodnwine at March 28, 2008 3:57 PM

Hi Subby,
I was married in 1959 after a courtship and engagement that lasted 3 years odd, yes all the things you describedt, those things happened (What are those strange symbols on your post?) In those days any woman that worked in Government services was sacked on marriage. Cured the unemployment problem. But after the families started to arrive the true romance side faded somewhat and was replaced by something very different, it didn't mean that the passion wasn't there but it became more a melding of two personalities. I often had jobs that took me away all week in the early part of the marriage and I suppose that kept the passion and joy of life in our relationship. But as the family grew so did the struggle to make ends meet and give the kids as much as we could, but I know they did without a lot that other more fortunate kids got. That is when the romance had to take a less of a role, it was replaced with a greater respect and unity than we had before. A lot happend and in time she died a long slow death.
I married again, maybe my better judgement said not too, but I did, it was wonderfull for a while and then things went sour, eventually the bullet had to be bitten and divorce followed.

Why am I on this site and would I marry again. Most emphatically no. The institution is irrevalent to me at this age, most of the women I am liable to meet have their own properties, have their own finances and comfort zones, reasonably set in their ways and all they require is a man for the manly things plus a little maintainance work, someone to talk to, go out with, spend a couple of days each week at each others places and have the rest of the time to ourselves. That is why I am here. Not into clubs and pubs, but I tell you this mate it has been an eyeopener, some absolutely beautiful women that you wonder how in heavens name they have to be on this site and no man wants to do the right thing according to them. Then the older they get the more suspicious they get of your intentions and doubt that your are for real.

Subby, I can hear your yearning and truly hope that you are sincere enough to attract a partner/companion or what your dreams aspire to as sincere as you.

Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at March 28, 2008 3:57 PM

Subzero Welcome.

Yes new love, especially the physical side is wonderful when your heart pounds, you can't wait to see (and have sex with) the other person and it is all so exciting, but it doesn't last forever, sadly.
Once you've been together for more than a few months it starts to change, which is when some people just assume it's no longer working and leave the relationship to look for someone else who makes them feel the same way.

These people are probably what is known as serial monogamists: they love, adore even worship, are faithful while it feels good and then once the relationshoip loses its "spark", they leave to look for greener pastures.

It's a lovely romantic way to look at things, but the world would be a much crazier place if everyone remained in this constantly heady existence!
And NO, I disagree while in this "lusty and romantic" stage, this is certainly NOT the time to get married!!
Unless you wish to be married several times in your life (a very expensive exercise marriage and divorce!!) you are better off waiting until this "stage" passes and then finding out if you are truly compatible.

Being "in Love" doesn't mean you will be there during the bad times; when you, your partner or the kids are sick, when money is tight and you can't afford to go out, when you lose your job, when your dad dies or even just working out who is going to be responsible for what job when you are living together. Being "in Love" is about the good times; committment is about the not so good times!
Committment is what makes a marriage last; a willingness to accept that there will be bad times, sometimes you'll even hate each other but if you basically like each other, care about each other, can talk to each other (and seek help when you can't) then you may have a chance!
Being compatible in more areas of your life and having similar values, than in those areas where you are incompatible, gives you a better chance. But if you never get past the sexually charged "in love" phase before you get married, how will you ever know until it's too late?

Posted by: amberlight58 at March 28, 2008 3:53 PM

Love used to be an ultimate state of contentment and joy with the soulmate of your dreams, and marriage an expression of that love. Now most people think love is a joke... marriage is just the punchline.

Posted by: chrome79 at March 28, 2008 3:51 PM

Hi oldergent, This is a question that you can incorporate as you debate the topic. If you have been married do you think about marrying again? Is marriage relevant when you reach a certain again? Go for it.
Cheers,
Karina

Posted by: rsvpproducttest at March 28, 2008 3:12 PM

When you are in a relationship and you can’t stop saying, I love you. Whenever you’re around your partner your heart races, your best friend is your partner, and you do everything together. It’s time to get married.

Sex and love work hand in hand. When you in love, all you want to do is have sex, on special occasions when you are in sync you make love, the physical desire to be closer with your partner, every minute of every day is overwhelming.

Money and family is not important, when you’re truly in love, rival things like this don’t come into play. Your in love life is perfect.

Sorry PPL. I can’t separate love and sex….never had a one night stands, just relationships.

I would love to here the female side to this…
Subzero

Posted by: subzeroelite at March 28, 2008 3:09 PM

Hi Karina.
Probably more relavent in this day and age'

"Is marriage any longer relavent".
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at March 28, 2008 2:34 PM