RSVP Blog
SAVE MONEY ONLINE
If you spend a lot of time online, you have probably realized that you can save a lot of money on every-day things. Most people don't like to pay a penny more than they have to for anything that they need or to be taken advantage of. By being a smart shopper you can save a lot of money. Do you often shop online compared to in-store? Are there specific things that you would only buy online? How do you budget your money and decide where to buy with so manly options? What sites to you use?
Posted by February 12, 2008 1:38 PM
Latest Comments
kenny @ 4.18am
Thanks for that - didn't know. Often forget that most people aren't as prescriptive as I am. Most not in such a hurry, I guess.
Time I hurried up. Tennis rained out tonight, so going to play doubles wrinklie ping pong with my book-keeper/mateinstead, starting in exactly 6 hours time, and need to do a bit of work just before I leave for that. Seeyez.
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 27, 2008 5:02 AM
Not every body uses the full search Bill.
If you do a browse it lists all profiles within a 10km radius of the specified profile.The oldest age grouping is 48+.
Posted by: abckenny at February 27, 2008 4:18 AM
abcKenny @ 2.10am:
Thanks for the suggestion, but I have 2 problems with it:
1) Everyone programmes the search engine to look for the age and location ranges that they want. My problem is that my target market wants 50-65, so when they search, the engine doesn't show them anyone who's 66, let alone 72.
2) If I say 99, only the tiny percentage who can't or don't set a top limit will be shown me. Not even the ones who set at up to 75 - they see me now, but would'nt if I said I was 76, let alone 99. How could it work for you?
3) Did you see my most recent post "To pork or not...?
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 27, 2008 2:54 AM
What I am saying is that I always enjoy my dates and usually have dinner with them but somewhere during the conversation I lose interest and that usually is the kiss of death ..
you wrote, istj54...have you thought of having meetings or dates that involve walking and talking? Like strolling round the Botanic Gardens...I was fed up with coffee meetings and read it somewhere, why not take a nice stroll somewhere? A few drinks..a big walk and look at the ducks and what not..coffee, going to look at the lotus pond..looking at the fish..going into the hothouse to look at the Madacasgar plants and having a laugh. You know.."Oh what is that plant?" and reading the sign.
Reckon coffee and a walk somewhere helps as one of you or both will be nervous and it gives you something to talk about. Also what about going round an art gallery together. If you went to regular Latin Dance classes, you would have a blast...its so much fun. Note to self..go dancing more. Any kind of dancing really. Its what they used to do years ago, isnt it...dances were how generations of people met. Find a good Latin Dance school..even if you do not meet someone who interests you, still you will have fun. Are you too cerebral? It is really important to me that a man have something between his ears, and humour. Perhaps I must join a scrabble club..........Gnite all.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at February 27, 2008 2:33 AM
Do l need a man to provide for me??? Not at all.
Do l need a man in my life??? Well it would be nice.
Do l want a man in my life?? The eternal question that one........................K
Posted by: auntykaz at February 26, 2008 7:44 PM
No
I dont know
Yes
Last week I had to go get some plumbing thing from the plumbing supplies shop.....boo hoo...don't mind hardware shops but plumbing is horrible. Anyway I rang, described it, there was one left, they held it for me, got it...got instructions, did it......fixed it. it was OK actually in the end but am not comfortable with plumbing repairs at home due to lack of knowledge. It felt good to repair something myself. Do not need a man for that sort of thing, the kids and I are fine. For a lot of us, these are our best years in a lot of ways and should we be spending them alone? Hopefully if we be the change we want to be in the world and work on improving ourselves and maybe willing to step outside of our comfort zones?? Like maybe I should join the darn uni snorkelling/diving club and go exploring underwater with a group of students I do not know. It could be fun. All the nights out with uni friends and the different groups.You would think 5 years at uni and I could have met one person....?
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at February 27, 2008 2:16 AM
Bill I have a suggestion for you.This is something that I have done previously and you may be surprised how well it works.Instead of lowering your age try raising it to say 99 or 100 years old.To most people on here age is irrelevant as is most of what you write in your profile.If they like the look of you and you sound like a decent and honest person they will contact you or invite you to contact them
Posted by: abckenny at February 27, 2008 2:10 AM
Robert, you are a naughty boy. You patted the nail tight on the head, but got the numbers wrong at 11.12pm. The sprightly ladies are worried that the blokes will be down to 2 fingers by 54 or 64, not 84.
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 27, 2008 12:49 AM
To pork or not to pork, part Two:
Thank you all for your replies to my first question only. But at 10.01pm I asked 2 questions, which I thought would need to be considered and answered together.
I wouldn't dream of trolling a decoy profile showing a false age only. That would be a big fat porkie, at the wrong end of the wooing ...
And I certainly wouldn't take off 10 years. I was thinking 8, to give me 18 months in the under-65 sandpit.
And I'd have a para at the bottom of my profile's fine print saying something like:
"There are different ways to measure physical fitness, and that goes for age too. The age above is what my 2 tennis clubs think I am, and it's what most strangers guess. My birth certificate claims I'm 8 years older, but don't take any notice - it's only jealous because I'm younger than it is."
Now friends, what do you say?
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 27, 2008 12:41 AM
Jenjen,
with all due respects could I suggest that you move your number 3 photo up to your primary photo, much more you.
Cheers OG
Posted by: oldergent at February 26, 2008 11:43 PM
Amber.
crap, the only people upset with you would be those upset with the rest of us, you know what we would think of them anyway.
Posted by: oldergent at February 26, 2008 11:32 PM
Amber.
crap, the only people upset with you would be those upset with the rest of us, you know what we would think of them anyway.
Posted by: oldergent at February 26, 2008 11:31 PM
Now I've upset and alienated you all, I must hit the hay. Work/school routine in the morning
Night Everyone
Posted by: amberlight58 at February 26, 2008 11:17 PM
amberlight,
put your profile up to 70 and sit back and wait for the line to form honey, lol
Cheers OG
Posted by: oldergent at February 26, 2008 11:17 PM
Truly, age is not a state of the body it is a state of the mind, look at the leaders of nations, arts. etc (I love etc, it covers so many words you cannot spell) I have know old people at 14 and young people at 84, as one of them said to me he got stronger with age, at 14 he could not bend his best friend with both hands, at 84 he could bend him with two fingers.
Cheers OG
Posted by: oldergent at February 26, 2008 11:12 PM
Even Timewarp thinks that women his age are too old for him!!
Posted by: amberlight58 at February 26, 2008 11:08 PM
Sorry JenJen,
I'm not justifying myself and I certainly wouldn't lie about my age now, but hell, when I'm over 70 is anyone going to be looking for an old crone of my age? And if they did want me (most unlikely, you know how hard it is for women of 40+ now), would they really care how old I was?
Posted by: amberlight58 at February 26, 2008 11:03 PM
To thine own self be true Timewarp......You don't want to tell a fib and get caught out............K
Posted by: auntykaz at February 26, 2008 10:55 PM
You too amberlight ?? It doesnt matter if you look your chronological age or whatever, a lie is a lie is a PORKIE ! This has been discussed ad nauseum on the blogs in the past.......you start with one little seemingly harmless little fib but it is dishonest..........best we all start with our honest feet forward about whatever.......
Posted by: jenjen57 at February 26, 2008 10:53 PM
hows that for double standards?
Timewarp i reckon you will get consensus to lower your age, hope no one can remember my posts of a few weeks back :(
Posted by: virgil at February 26, 2008 10:50 PM
My grandmother was actually 10 years older than her stated age and no one found out until after she died. She always looked younger than her stated age and no one could believe it. If my grandfather knew he kept her secret well. She was actually 14 years older than him not the 4 years everyone thought she was. My mother was born when she was 50 (although everyone thought she was 40) and my mother was 38 when she died. I don't believe in lying about one's age (or anything else) but honestly Timewarp, what harm would it do really? You are looking for a companion and lover, not a nurse (I gather you're not keen on marrying again?) so who would you be hurting?
Posted by: amberlight58 at February 26, 2008 10:44 PM
JenJen,
My paternal grandmother of ( 5 husbands) middle age had no such doubts, happily sent 4 to their graves thanking their lucky stars.
Cheers OG
Posted by: oldergent at February 26, 2008 10:42 PM
what does everyone else think?
When a blokes body age is way out of synch with his chronological age, it seems unfair he be lumbered along with some very unfit and out of condition men of his chronological age.
Posted by: virgil at February 26, 2008 10:41 PM
Encouraging porkies virgil ??
Posted by: jenjen57 at February 26, 2008 10:35 PM
Virg,
I am Bills age, things he talks about cannot be know in detail by younger people, believe, I do not know if he does all these things personally but I have compatriots that do, I am not into this, I have no wish to drop dead in public and have some dirty old man give me the kiss of life, or worse still some beautiful young lady. lol
Cheers OG
Posted by: oldergent at February 26, 2008 10:34 PM
Time warp you are 72, and much fitter than I am, and I am 56.
There is no way I could do half the stuff you do, so you are better than a bloke 16 years younger.
Lots of women say its a womans privilege, maybe a bloke whose body age is probably 20 years younger than his biological age can get away with a porkie of 10 years.
Posted by: virgil at February 26, 2008 10:26 PM
True OG........seems from discussions here on the blog and with my friends elsewhere, that most women are not keen to get hooked up with a bloke too much older because of concerns about the sustainability of a physical relationship and being left either alone (widowed) or looking after an invalid. But at the end of the day "true love" is blind and all practicalities probably fly out the proverbial window !!
Posted by: jenjen57 at February 26, 2008 10:24 PM
I dont agree with people falsifying their age timewarp, but in your case I make an exception.
What do you ladies on here think? Would it be OK for timewarp to tell a little porkie about his age.
Posted by: virgil at February 26, 2008 10:22 PM
JenJen,
I am so bloody well aware of the power of one, what I was trying to get across that if you have a look at the profiles in study, men have a much wider range of options than most women, age in particular,us men when in off line discussions we seem to be in accord, women are very concerned about the sustainability of the physical side and the need not to be tied to an eventual invalied My ideal of a companion is one that owns her own life, that has no need to be dependent on any man, that can live apart but together, that when she or he feels the human need, is comfortable in expressing it. That will fit in with the social and cultural requirements of their companion, At all times be respectful of the other, be there in time of need and distress, comfort and succor, and do those little things that their companion cannot do around the house. But then I am a wishfull Dinosaur, and have probably lived to long alone. But more importantly be able to say when the time comes, "love go find another life, mine is done"
Cheers OG
Posted by: oldergent at February 26, 2008 10:05 PM
Virgil @ 11.35am: Thank you for the compliments about my weekly exercise programme. It boils down to Play, not Watch. I didn't add that I pay $10 a week for gym, but go too rarely to be worth a mention.
No Virgil - women in their mid-50s are a bit too young for me, Might be my match in zoom and pizazz, but the ones I've dated (under a dozen) are from the generation after me.
One of my best mates is 53, but if I thought of her romantically, I'd think - No.Still a bit young.
My problem is that the fairly lively women aged 58-63 who when I meet them ARE my decrepitude age, are asking for men 50-65, and certainly not searching for any men over 65. (Everyone knows they're past working, walking and even wanking.)
And men over 70 are not just over the hill - they're over 2 hills - Hill 65 and Hill 70.
Maybe I should try trolling a 1943-model decoy. What do you think of that?
And if I did, should I admit the truth at the end of the fine print on the decoy?
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 26, 2008 10:01 PM
Kaz,
just think you may not be to far away from the Wizard of Oz anyway.
LOL LOL
Posted by: oldergent at February 26, 2008 9:42 PM
Oops Padstow shop, Sydney AK
Posted by: blueeyes1955 at February 26, 2008 9:37 PM
Ak, yes I do the dancing. Ceroc. I buy my shoes at a local padstoe shop where the prices are good and they make their own shoes.
Posted by: blueeyes1955 at February 26, 2008 9:36 PM
Hi all. Withdrawal symptoms, so calling in for just a moment.
WnW @ 8.58am defined the situation beautifully, and Kenny @ 3.22pm defined the problem equally elegantly.
My problem is very rarely that one of us bores the other. I pick my kissees to avoid that, and so do they. Nearly always we find one another interesting, but there is no spark. I've made some wonderful friends in that category. I was so down last weekend that I forgot the 71st birthday party of one such that I'd first met in 1995.
The problem arises when there is both interest and chemistry.
We meet for a meal and hit it off. We hang on one another's words, and mirror stances without noticing. Our eyes lock, and our heads move gradually closer and closer. We touch forearms to reinforce points or to empathise.
Two, three,usually 4 hours pass, and it seems like ten minutes. Our hearts are in calm communal bliss. As we stand up to leave the table, she steps forward and kisses me before I can start to move towards the door.
But she lives at least 75 minutes drive away. Neither of us is in a position to move house, and neither has a big enough home to fit in the other, 24/7/52.
And neither of us has both the time and the petrol money to commute 3 or 4 times a week to sleep over.
Geographically Impossible. With great disappointment, keep looking.
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 26, 2008 9:31 PM
Blueeyes, l am going to be totally on topic....save money online....
Is it you that goes dancing?? I do latin and ballroom and a few of us get together and do a bulk order now and then.
I buy my dancing shoes from a site in the US called danceshoesonline and the prices are fab.
The last pair l bought were a pair of patent red leather t bar latin shoes with a 3 inch heel......Cost me $Aus 76.00 Had l bought them here they would have been over $A150.00.. and l have paid that for a good quality pair here.. They just don't have the range in Australia.
They make me feel like Dorothy when l wear them....
Gosh, totally on topic for once for me.....
And l knew that one day l would be able to go on about shoes, ooohhhhhh a girl's favorite thing....Well this ones anyway..
..Are we still in Kansas, Toto????........K
Posted by: auntykaz at February 26, 2008 9:26 PM
OG............"what is best for you.......men have the pill that will"........do hope you are not suggesting all we need is a good ****...........any of us girls can get THAT anytime........our frustration is that we want that and a whole lot more, more than the men we meet have to offer.
Posted by: jenjen57 at February 26, 2008 9:19 PM
You guys are all on the right blog topic tonight. We are all saving money here since we aren't out dating.Me included tonight.Methinks we should start spending instead of saving for 'whatever".
Posted by: blueeyes1955 at February 26, 2008 9:09 PM
istj54,
As far as I am concerned it is just modern scientific mumbo jumbo (gasp). I like the look of you, the way you handle yourself, that is all any man that is serious about a woman needs to know, and for once I am sorry about the age difference. (Actually no, I have heard on this site that age is just a number) Maybe as I said in my profile, age beauty and style are not that important and that may be what is missing on this site. It is the ability to look beyond what you want, to what is best for you. Years ago you women had the pill that wont, nowadays older men have the pill that will
Cheers OG
Posted by: oldergent at February 26, 2008 9:02 PM
A good bonk jewels ?? Is that the solution ?? Volunteers ?? hehehe........
Posted by: jenjen57 at February 26, 2008 9:02 PM
solution to feeling restless...a good bonk....( no I have sworn off toyboys).......but seriously, I do not want perfect, I just want the "one that is meant for me" the one who will connect with my mind, give me butterflies in my stomach and will make my heart sing!!! (of course it has to be mutual)
And I think that is why we are all here on the dating site, not looking for perfection, but looking for the one meant for each one of us!
Have a lovely evening all...jewels
Posted by: junebaby57 at February 26, 2008 9:00 PM
Yes I know now I can get along fine on my own and I am not unhappy but I am not content. I know it is hard work but I want the icing AND the cake !! I dont understand why I cant have the relationship and independence. Is this a mutually exclusive oxymoron ?? I want male company and ALL the trimmings (greedy thats me !!)............
Posted by: jenjen57 at February 26, 2008 9:00 PM
Hey JL l l find the analogy of the icing and not the whole cake quite interesting......kind of like the entree and dessert but not the main meal l guess.
I value my independence very much these days but would also say that l know what l want in a man, but am l prepared to accept what l want?????? Much like yourself, a bit of a puzzle isn't it???...
The men are being very quiet tonight.............K
Posted by: auntykaz at February 26, 2008 8:59 PM
I sometimes think that we place pressure on ourselves to conform to what was generally the norm, ie...be married, engaged, have a partner, family etc...but are more than happy and contented "most" of the time without. we can get along fine on our own.
As we have got older we know that being with someone can be hard work and maybe we just want the icing now and not the whole cake. I think some men might just want the same and get scared when a full-on relationship is on the menu. These feelings cause the confusion that I know I feel anyway. We love our independence:) we are proud of it and don't want to lose it, but we also want male company with all the trimmings. Impossible ask...who knows...maybe Marcus?
My dad went steady for thirty-three years with a woman he never lived with. It ended when she died a few years ago...very sad...but it would never have lasted if they'd lived together...food for thought.
Posted by: istj54 at February 26, 2008 8:49 PM
JLm and auntykaz..........do I need a man to provide for me, no......do I want a man, hell yes............do I know why, no............I just do. Why do they have to be so complicated, confused, not ready (so why are they here??????)........I realised a long time ago I could manage on my own despite being told for years I was useless and hopeless but since I turfed him out I earn more money and the kids and I are happier but I feel so restless !!!!!!!!!
Solution ??
Posted by: jenjen57 at February 26, 2008 8:25 PM
Istj
I never mentioned camping, knowing how you abhor the little bitties that would nip at your exposed parts (and for that matter your unexposed parts- sad isn’t it what men do on camping trips once they have a woman up close and personal)- and why do they call them 2 man tents when they are more effective and efficient if one half of the double is a femme.
The only chemistry you ever need on a camping trip is a good insect repellent; try it. You’ll never look back.
Posted by: neuroticfish at February 26, 2008 8:16 PM
OG.
May a suggest you do a Google search for Myers-Briggs personality types.
That will answer your question about istj54.
Cheers McGongle
Posted by: laughsandtalks at February 26, 2008 7:48 PM
Welcome back Neurofishtic...do you think I should be taking this all more seriously and be up to FD378 by now?
I'm doing it because I am in search of the ellusive chemistry which is becoming more like a paranormal experience by the day...as you say non-existent, looking for a man who asks me to go camping and biking and for me to actually want to go...well not bike riding...never could get the hang of that one...but camping, that would take chemistry...got any GHB over from your last trip?
Oldergent...istj is a Myer-Briggs personality type...I am borderline in some areas depending what I am doing, eg...with small children I am much more feeling:)
Marcus has debunked MB too, so you needn't look it up now. It was apparently just nonsense.
Posted by: istj54 at February 26, 2008 7:46 PM
JL,, why is it that we want to have someone in our life but when they are there we wonder if we really want it??
Is that what you are pondering of yourself JL??
I think it may be more common than we realise, particularly when we, as women who may have been married for a longtime, find ourselves single and discover that hey, we can manage on many levels quite fine.
I was often told that l would never manage on my own - read without a male to support me even though l have always worked - but over 2 years later am managing very well and will continue to do so.
Financially l think that women may be scared to be on their own, l myself was in that mindset for a long time, but found it not to be correct. Is it a leftover from the days of the husband always being the provider???
No doubt about it.
Do l need a man to provide for me??? Not at all.
Do l need a man in my life??? Well it would be nice.
Do l want a man in my life?? The eternal question that one.........................K
Posted by: auntykaz at February 26, 2008 7:44 PM
I don't really trust the instant "blow your socks off" reaction. I've found it to be rather deceptive in that you close your already misty eyes to some possible fatal flaws because it 'feels right'.
Don't get me wrong, I haven't become hardened and clinical, I have my mushy romantic moments too. I've just come to the conclusion that a meeting of the minds and souls of two people that could have a wonderful loving enduring relationship does not necessarily begin with a flash and a spark and an instant attachment.
I'd much rather meet someone and give it a fighting chance than discard them immediately just because they didn't make my heart flutter.
Posted by: dharma61 at February 26, 2008 7:44 PM
Yes, Jennifer, why are you doing it to yourself.
It must be torture going out with men.
Yawn.
Posted by: neuroticfish at February 26, 2008 7:10 PM
Hello Jennifer Lorraine,
everyone body needs somebody (song), disregard the family, think of yourself for once, they say that because they think their need of you is greater than your need to be complimented with the companion you need, and he may remove you from them. Next meeting suggest to him that this is what your family think, the reaction will give you the greatest clue to the future direction. Been there done that.
Cheers OG
(hey you still haven't told me! ostj 54?)
Posted by: oldergent at February 26, 2008 5:09 PM
Thank you oldergent, kenny and wnw...I guess we all have asimilar problem or we would not still be here. Oldergent, I could well have that voice in my head...each time I set off to meet someone my family ask why I am doing it to myself...you don't need someone...that's what they think...I might not need someone but, hey, it would be fun to go out on more than one date, wouldn't it?
Not looking for perfect either...no way could I live up to that as I am far from perfect and don't want to be either...and Kenny...hate to tell you this one as I know what you think of my name changes...it's Jennifer Lorraine:))
Posted by: istj54 at February 26, 2008 4:03 PM
It has me stumped, I have checked out all you ladies that have an open profile, I have not seen a one of you that could not be called attractive and up to beautiful, well presented, from your blog material, articulate, confident, and what I would consider good company. istj (that has me stumped too, what does it mean) I do not think you are alone in wondering what it is that stops you from progressing forward on a meeting, surley the men would be impressed to meet you and try to be impressive to you. I was wondering if maybe instead of you switching off, there is that gentle voice in your subconscious saying "not again". I do not know and you do not shown divorce or widow in your profile, I also wonder if you other ladies though wanting and searching are the same or this time you are reaching for the unattainable. The perfect male.
Cheers OG
Posted by: oldergent at February 26, 2008 3:54 PM
Kenny - I agree entirely. There are lots of nice people on RSVP but it is hard to find someone where you really hit it off, get that spark, but it can happen ... chemistry does exist but we are all very complicated creatures and to find two where the chemistry is just right doesn't happen often. Istj .. keep your chin up, it will happen but as kenny says ... hopefully when it happens other factors won't complicate things because that's a real bugger.
Posted by: woodnwine at February 26, 2008 3:40 PM
Believe me Lorraine chemistry does exist.I may not have had as many dates as Bill (nor do I keep a record as he does) but I have had my share and believe me on the very rare occasion that you find it you know almost instantly when the chemistry is there.The fact that things haven't progressed further often comes down to other factors that complicate the equation.
Posted by: abckenny at February 26, 2008 3:22 PM
Sorry for the misunderstanding Kenny...but I have always said that I meet lovely men here and I have never thought at any time that they were not good enough for me. I have rarely met one I did not like. My philosophy of people, if you read last weeks blogs, is that we are all equal. So why would I think myself better than another?
I believe the problem is with me and not them. I think that is what I said...and the word interesting just struck a chord but it is still probably most likely the old "chemistry" thing again. It's just that men on here have claimed that it does not exist so I was attempting to think more on the problem...and you were right...it is me...and my problem.
Posted by: istj54 at February 26, 2008 3:07 PM
istj
I don't dislike you at all .How could I because as you say we have never met.!!!Actually I think you are gorgeous .perhaps it's just the vibes you give out that that none of the guys you meet are ever good enough for you.
Posted by: abckenny at February 26, 2008 2:55 PM
Oh, I don't know, amberlight...maybe in heaven?
Posted by: istj54 at February 26, 2008 2:45 PM
Hi ISTJ,
Don't get down on yourself! You just want someone who encompasses intelligent conversation and some "spark" or "fire". Not such a great ask, I don't think!! Which is why I'll probably be on this site forever!
Posted by: amberlight58 at February 26, 2008 2:41 PM
Probably...abckenny...It's always a two way street...they are likely bored to snores with my stories of my life of druggery and misery...I was merely wondering why I don't ever seem to want to have a second date...That's all...not saying I am God's gift...it is a problem that I have and just opened it up for some opinion...so thanks kenny...It's my fault...usually is...might be why I've given up looking...I don't need stimulating conversation all the time but I also don't need someone's life history in a monotone either...I always get the vibe that you don't like me Kenny but I may be wrong...after all you have never met me.
Virgil, thankyou for your compliment and I thought about your idea too. The five coffee thing sounded brilliant when I first read it, but when I started to ponder...not so great. You can get very attached to someone in that time and would not like to be told...no number six:))
Posted by: istj54 at February 26, 2008 2:26 PM
ISTJ Spark of interest?...What I am saying is that I always enjoy my dates and usually have dinner with them but somewhere during the conversation I lose interest and that usually is the kiss of death before there is ever a kiss...If they maintained the interest level of the conversation I may be more open to the
ISTJ I find it interesting that YOU lose interest and that THEY fail to maintain your interest.
Just wondering ..if they ever lose interest?
Is there no chemistry to begin with ?
Or is it your need for stimulating conversation at all times that is neutralising it?
Posted by: abckenny at February 26, 2008 1:56 PM
Virgil if "the one" is looking for me l wish he would put his glasses on and hurry up!!!.................K
Posted by: auntykaz at February 25, 2008 5:33 PM
I'm with you, Kaz!!
Posted by: amberlight58 at February 26, 2008 1:53 PM
Is it possible we could all have dates, coffee or whatever, that last about 1/2 an hour, and commit to 5 of such meetings with a person?
From being on the blogs, and looking at the profiles of people here, i think we have an exceptionally well presented lot of people here.
ISTJ if you were in Adelaide, I would definitely send you a kiss, and try and organise a coffee meet.
Timewarp, you are so fit, so positive, definitely fitter and more agile than me, maybe a woman in her mid 50s would be appropriate for someone with your drive and passion for life.
Posted by: virgil at February 26, 2008 11:31 AM
Spark of interest?...What I am saying is that I always enjoy my dates and usually have dinner with them but somewhere during the conversation I lose interest and that usually is the kiss of death before there is ever a kiss...If they maintained the interest level of the conversation I may be more open to the kiss...I have only ever kissed one rsvp date in the two years I have been here, on and off...anyways it is just my problem and the word interesting just struck a chord last night because I often mull over why I never want a second date as I have met many very nice men here...and as you know I am all for the chemistry thingy that men don't seem to think exists...it could be paranormal...da da da da!!!
Posted by: istj54 at February 26, 2008 9:29 AM
istj ... I think interesting is very different to a spark. Interesting is someone you can get on with, when there is a real spark you may have met someone you can't get on without ... big difference.
Posted by: woodnwine at February 26, 2008 8:58 AM
Latin dancing sounds fun Slightsync...but many years ago I went to a pub here where they had the dancing...I've never been asked to dance by so many men who could look me in the eye...I am five foot two...now "interesting"...methinks you have hit the nail on the head with that word...it was a light bulb moment when I read that...my dates all start out well but don't maintain the interest level. Maybe "interesting" is the new word for chemistry/spark.
Posted by: istj54 at February 26, 2008 7:22 AM
Slightsynch: Thanks for yours.
Feeling much better by last night thanks, and celebrated by taking today and tonight off from work (except answering a few work calls and giving out prices.)
Spent 90% of it on the 2 blogs. Mainly trying to manouvre Marcus into getting real and naming his sources and not just full of unsubstantiated hot air - took till about 2am.
Got across to today's pm emails about 3am sun time. First emails from 2 lovely ladies, so my social life is back on track too,
Must hit sack fast - only 4 1/2 hours till I rise for work. Lucky I'm hyperactive.
I'd like to say the secret of my youthfulness is in my jeans, but I only ever had one pair - black, before I married, 50-odd years ago. So I guess it's in my genes.
I help with demanding tennis 2 evenings a week, dancing about every 2nd Sat night, climbing around in roofspaces about one half-day a fortnight, and hoping to start Fri morning ping pong this week. Bushwalk occasionally.
Try to con my mind into avoiding stress.
Cheers
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 26, 2008 4:42 AM
I gotta have that chemistry or spark, that feeling of wow, when can I see you again, and that the feelings are mutual for both of us!! You know the "blow your socks off" type of feelings.
Posted by: junebaby57 at February 25, 2008 8:33 PM
Well that is what I would like too. 6 years without finding a man that I want to keep seeing long term, and I wonder....I go out heaps...have a good circle of friends, know heaps of people at uni...go to conferences. the beach, on bushwalks, volunteering, now am meeting way more people at work.How to break the ice socially could be a good topic, if someone appears really interested but no-one says anything. Which happens to me when out. Suppose a lot of you bloggers would have a good opening line for those occasions.
Think I might move on from looking for "the" one to "some" one...
Posted by: istj54 at February 25, 2008 9:09 PM
istj54...I might put a flyer up at the local Coles on the notice board. istj54 I do not even know what I am looking for in a guy. Interesting is important. Do you think relaxing and not being in a rush or stressed about it helps. Stopping looking and just being or whatever. Incongruous with a dating site.
I just do not know. Should I join the uni diving/snorkelling club...I intended to. Spend most of my spare time near or in the sea with fit healthy happy people and looking at the nice reef. Maybe I should do it as you sure do not meet men at a bellydance class which I did last year. LOL. However Latin Dance is VERY social as you would imagine. Got an invite today by some El Salvadorans to go to Latin Dancing at a nightspot. Sounds more fun than the dive group. Theres only so many spare hours in the day.........so I usually go for the choice that is the most fun.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at February 26, 2008 2:26 AM
SlightSynch: How does one use 9 of 3 stamps? Are you better with words than numbers? (-8
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 25, 2008 2:17 AM
No better with words than numbers timewarp1, in case you have not noticed - and particularly with the opposite sex. I meant 9 out of 12 stamps if you must know. Don't like them hanging round but now I have the single status I should hold on to a few. Hope you feel better, your posts suggest it. Well we do discuss some interesting topics on the blog don't we. Glad the tennis was invigorating. Note to self...use that mayonaise recipe. Maybe you have found the fountain of youth in that recipe?
SSC
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at February 26, 2008 2:07 AM
Kianee:
My dear friend and now honorary sister FD67 (age 61) phoned after dinner to tell me about her first day practicing as a psychologist under supervision (Got her registration on Fri) and to ask me if I was still so down.
Told her I wasn't, mainly due to the lovely supportive things that you and others had written to me on the blogs this weekend. Read her yours over the phone, and she said "Tell her to move to Brisbane".
I said "What about her farm?" "Tell her to sell it."
"But how would she support herself in Brisbane? I can only just support myself."
"Get a job and buy a house here, cheaper than what she got for the farm."
I must admit I was thinking of your predicament when finishing off my bellrope post to Junebaby tonight.
My mother's 4 brothers were all dairy farmers in Qld. They all married, and 2 sold their farms and retired to Brisbane when they were in their late 60s and their wives (both 16 years younger) were in their early 50s. The wives then did a couple of days' charity volunteer work a week, and their husbands rested on their laurels, because they could afford to.
I guess it could still be done, this century. Just depends on how important it is to you to get stars in your middle-aged eyes, a hop in your heart, and a twitch or two plus some personal perspiration whenever he just squeezes your hand.
Re sending you the 2 poetry books: your stamped email or mine, to give me your address? I've got one left at the moment, and can afford another dozen in 10 days.
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 26, 2008 1:42 AM
Timewarp……Thank you for your time and effort suggestions @ 6.41
I will mull and cogitate over your words and glean as much info as possible. Your first suggestion is a good starting point indeed.
I wonder though if I could settled for a cool approach for like junebaby , I would like fireworks too. The thing is though, that as I do not live in a city I would be happy just to see a little spark of hope. There is no one around here who has the capacity to learn to ring bells.
Ps :-) if you lurk near the churches too long they may rope you in.
Busy day for me tomorrow, chasing cows, so off to sleep now .
Posted by: kianee at February 26, 2008 12:23 AM
Junebaby @ 8.33pm:
Ooooh yess! Bills and Moon were always right. Every woman's dream, and every romantic man's. I'll have what she's having! Please please please!
But you are also right in your question. How many leaves does the Forestfloor Spider turn over, one after another, day after day, year after year, always looking for a cockroach or other REALLY tasty morsel, before she knuckles down and settles for a tough old wood-louse?
Now, in my early 70s, I still have your dream, Junebaby, but with two other thoughts:
* There may be several people around, each of whom could ring my bells. At my age, and after being unwillingly on my own for so long, the first one I meet will do me fine, even if she can reach only 3 of the 4 bell-ropes.
* Cast away on a desert island (or marooned in a small distant provincial town) you may find that there is nobody else there who can ring bells, or even wants to learn.
Do you move, or compromise? I'd move to the big smoke, and lurk near churches on Sundays. But I am, aren't I?
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 25, 2008 10:53 PM
Istj
Try ignoring the psychobabble about “The One.”
That is RSVP Women’s Nonsense Talk, like a lot of rubbish on this site.
Think in terms of the “The First 21” as in “The First 21 to knock on my Door score a free lunch” then tell them there is no such thing as a Free Lunch.
You’ll become a very popular girl
Posted by: neuroticfish at February 25, 2008 9:52 PM
Think I might move on from looking for "the" one to "some" one...
Posted by: istj54 at February 25, 2008 9:09 PM
the "one" ...the "one that is meant for me" still hasn't found me yet, is there a time limit on this concept, as I am not ready to accept "near enuff or "nearly the right one" just yet!!
I gotta have that chemistry or spark, that feeling of wow, when can I see you again, and that the feelings are mutual for both of us!! You know the "blow your socks off" type of feelings.
Anway at least by being on a dating site, meeting and going out with people, should increase my chances of being found, or maybe I will find "the one"
Have a lovely evening all...jewels
Posted by: junebaby57 at February 25, 2008 8:33 PM
Kianee: I can only suggest that you begin your search by setting very wide boundaries as to what The One is allowed to be.
I say it's far more realistic to say "my next partner" - in my case Ms Right-Enuff, not The One. I reckon one hopeful in 20 might ever meet The One in their whole life - usually after one or both are already married to someone else.
1) I find it much easier to work the other way round: to list what I call the "veto factors" that really do need to cross her off the list right from square one, if she has/shows them.
In my case, no men, no smokers, and no significant expensive counter-productive addictions (alcohol etc.)
No skinnies, because hugging them gives me the famine shudders. And because I'm heightist and can't help it, height not taller than me, and preferably shorter than me - about the same in heels.
(But if I don't find someone soon, I'm going to relax that one, and recheck the women who are same or a tiny bit shorter than me in bare feet, but taller in stilettos. There comes a time when perhaps an old girl can outgrow her need for tall slilettos, WHILE she's got her man on her arm.)
Nobody any way as selfish, un-giving of her time and undemonstrative (except to progeny), or as uninterested in lovemaking as my Ex. was, as soon as she had children.
And nobody unintelligent or narrow-minded enough to bore me stiff at every meeting.
No-one who's very much older than I am in fact (forget calendar age - that's irrelevant after your 20s) and not too much younger, which would be likely to guarantee her too long a widowhood, with my memory as a benchmark for any replacements. (I plan to be a VERY hard act to follow.)
And especially no couch potatoes or already crippled (forget PC equivalent long phrase), because I'm physically active, and want my darling to share that with me, probably more than anything else, Because I know it's the key to my own longevity, and it's so much more fun exercising together, vertically or horizontally - eg. I can't be bothered swimming laps on my own.
Hopefully both of us still mobile and active for at least another 10 years, but once coupled, who knows, and you have to accept the risk that one may suddenly fall to bits.
2) Once you've decided what you hope you're NOT going to have to look for, you look at everyone else who comes past, to see if they might just do. (3 or 4 new women at tennis last night.)
That's why I'm happy to meet so many local RSVP women who don't actually look impossible - you never know, and I say better to check out everyone, than quickly discard most of them up front at check-profile stage, because they don't sound exactly perfect for you.
That's Princess who slept on a Pea territory, and I'm looking for a good-natured, intelligent, energetic not-too-ugly countess who has fewer tickets on herself.
The beautiful expect presents,
but the plain are happy to go Dutch. (c) W.M.H. 2003
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 25, 2008 6:41 PM
Virgil if "the one" is looking for me l wish he would put his glasses on and hurry up!!!.................K
Posted by: auntykaz at February 25, 2008 5:33 PM
"Do we ever find "the one?" or does "the one" find us?" Virgil, I would love to know the answer too. My fear is that I may trip/fall/meet " the one' , without recognising who it is
Posted by: kianee at February 25, 2008 5:17 PM
Virgil,
What is the purpose of finding the one if the feeling is not reciprocated, the secret is to meld as one. I really hope you do find the companion you so earnestly seek.
Cheers OG.
Posted by: oldergent at February 25, 2008 4:54 PM
Do we ever find "the one?" or does "the one" find us?
To be open to possibilities, If I cat truly say I have done that in a conscious manner, then it has been a good day.
Posted by: virgil at February 25, 2008 4:21 PM
Irony....I used a stamp to contact someone who had no stamps....he answered to tell me he had just splashed out on stamps as well...I posted last week that I had saved money by ordering dvds that were out of stock...an hour later I received an email to say they had sourced the stock and I received them the next day...mind you, that was $150 well spent because I have watched some of them and had many of the best laughs in years. I better go and transfer money to the visa to pay for my expensive week!
blueeyes, I used to check out another site and noticed many of the same faces as well. With my failing memory and many senior moments happening, I find it easier to stay on just one site! :-)
Cheers!
Posted by: bm1960 at February 25, 2008 8:54 AM
SlightSynch: How does one use 9 of 3 stamps? Are you better with words than numbers? (-8
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 25, 2008 2:17 AM
Kianee @ 10.41pm: Thank you very much for all your kind words - for their breadth and their depth.
Yes - finances certainly can change in an instant. On Friday morning I found that someone has started importing to Brisbane cheap ready-assembled chandelier hoists from China (previously my biggest selling self-designed and self-manufactured product, and the most profitable, till now. And I have a lot of my scarce money tied up in batches of components already in stock.)
I'm adjusting to that nasty new reality this weekend, with some trepidation and a wisp of fear. It was hard enough making ends meet before.
Re The One: I explained to Virgil how I lack the ability to get my jollies from being an enthusiastic but non-contributing fan of a football team or other external organisation - need to be involved at a more personal level with fewer people, and particularly, to be involved with one special partner in shared activities, emotions and goals.
When I'm not, I spend time on other people who matter to me - had a mate here for lunch today (FD98) to try to cheer her up, but we weren't much emotional use to one another, so she went home for a nannanap, and I had a poppasnooze in my recliner.
But without a romantic partner, a big piece of me is still unwillingly idle. That's why I'm unusually active in RSVP - I think I'm more motivated than most of us.
I certainly don't allow myself the unrealistic luxury of looking for The One. Right-Enuff will do me, but she's absolutely got to be as keen on me as I am on her - didn't have that in my marriage, and once bitten, twice shy.
PS. If you've got a spare email stamp, it will get you read-and-return copies of my two self-published books of verse. A P.O. Box mentioned on here was the skinflint alternative.
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 25, 2008 2:07 AM
Posted by: kianee at February 24, 2008 10:41 PM
Hi kianee...I should just email but this is here to use...as I used 9 of the 3 stamps on bloggers..but should save a few just in case..so anyone else who knows this or does not want to know...avert eyes now! well kianee you have an interesting life from your profile which I looked at. Glad you are enjoying the blog. My analysis of astrology was personal, tongue in cheek...i e my ex is Taurus = stubborn, sensuous and likes having roast dinners cooked for him. Based on one person. OK well I am in 4th year uni of a combined Law/Latin American Studies degree...majoring in Human Rights and Development Studies type topics. Prior to that, I did a bridging course. Ha, well I have been discliplined with the study, more or less but lately with the vacation jobs..am enjoying working and I have to find a balance when semester begins. I only have about 2 years to go : ))) I plan to travel to Spain or Tuscany this year...or maybe Fiji, which is why I am working...Hope you share a bit about yourself when you feel like it. Re the spats, well I guess the blog is a microcosm of a sort and people do not agree all the time usually. You will get the hang of the posting or not posting as the system permits. I will call it a night now.......
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at February 24, 2008 11:27 PM
Hi all,
Time warp I have just been reading your posts here and in the other site. From my little corner, it appers you are well loved in here and in other places, that you give encouragement support and help to the many people who you encounter, that you have amazing writing skills which anable you to communicate, and gives the impression that you are living life to the full, and have had an interesting past. You also have many other qualities that I can only guess at.
May I be presumptuous and continue? I Hestitate to say what I want to say but will go on anyway as I feel your pain and heartache. Pain which emminates from two areas: Your present lack of finances, and that you have not yet found “the one”. The “Black Dog” is cruel indeed and no amount of words can take that pain away , but be assured, tomorrow is another day , and the sun will shine again. You will come across some amusing situation which will make you smile, and overcome your mood. (I have been there too, as have so many others)
Re your finances, I empathises with you, not easy!! But you have the ability to earn and circumstances can change in an instant.
Re finding the “One”. There is so much to be said about this, so many facets of this aspect of you. Perhaps it is your strong need to nurture your “One” which so frustrates. What a wonderful journey you are having in your search though.Your efforts are not in vain, for you are meeting so many different people, and thereby “sorting the wheat from the chaff” I see you being considerate and kind, honest and open in your approach, Soon one wonderful “one” will recognise you for who you are, just as you will recognise her.
And you will both say ”more than near enough” Don’t give up on your search.
Hopefully I have not spoken out of turn.
Slightly Synchronicity @ 5.55pm.
thank you for your kind thoughts, and for sharing a little of your life. You certainly are very busy.and if you have just recently changed your lifestyle you will still be adjusting. You must be well organised and disiplined, I admire you. What are you studying at Uni and what year are you in ?
I have just been reading the blogs for about 1 month and have recently been saying a little, and getting used to this system, I have not looked back too far , but have seen a few “Spats” on here. Think that perhaps these spats reflect life in general, and see this behaviour so often in the little township in which I live. One day, the worst of enemies, and the next, bosom buddies
I enjoy reading the different opinions, and the sparring in here and Yes, we are in the same boat, and I really do look forward to meeting up at a blogger meet some day. Hints for blogging are always appreciated and helpful, thank you.
Best wishes to you in your studies
Hope everyone is having a good evening
Posted by: kianee at February 24, 2008 10:41 PM
laughsandtalks...you claim to be broadminded in your profile.....
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at February 24, 2008 10:33 PM
Beware the man with talented hands, you never know where he will put them next.
Posted by: willow1059 at February 24, 2008 8:31 PM
Now that made me laugh out loud.
bm1960...hope you have fun using RSViP...I also lashed out and got that..wow we are spoiling ourselves. I have to do something with my profile....
don't worry timewarp1...someone posted about finding someone round the corner...wherever that may be and it was just supposed to be a silly comment, sorry.
Where is the proverbial corner...you know meaning how far from your house is it...never mind. Thought the person who posted it was considering widening their geographical options. Sorry you did not understand what I wrote...you know I write unclearly..may employ a proof reader.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at February 24, 2008 10:13 PM
I know if I meet some people of that age group, I will certainly recommend you.
Posted by: virgil at February 23, 2008 9:03 PM
I have already thinking about my single female friends and aquaintences to see if any one could possibly be suitable for unattatched RSVP bloggers. Will let you know timewarp1 if I think of anyone. I already mentioned my Mum...but she likes living alone.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at February 24, 2008 10:07 PM
Hi everyone, and I hope you all had a lovely weekend. I most certainly didn't save money online today as I bought 6 stamps today whilst only needing one....I believe there is an option to buy one stamp via mobile phone, but that doesn't suit me as I have a corporate phone which is not completely private. Never mind, I splashed out on a RSViP membership so I now have 3 months to find my perfect match!!!
good luck and a lovely week to you all...Cheers, Barbara.
Posted by: bm1960 at February 24, 2008 8:34 PM
blueeyes, Willow-thank you for your data analysis- I was smiling from ear to ear.
I believe this is known by the term cosmetic surgery.
Beware the man with talented hands, you never know where he will put them next.
Posted by: willow1059 at February 24, 2008 8:31 PM
Slightsync @ 5.44pm: Sorry - where did I say "round the corner" in a way you didn't follow?
Looked back several days, and saw nothing. If you can't remember, I'll look up where TLD taught us to do a global search. [Thank you again, dear Miss Helpful! (-8 ]
Off reluctantly to tennis 15mins late, for exercise, and I hope. fun. Seeyezall anon.
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 24, 2008 8:18 PM
I was always taught that the pleasure is in giving rather than receiving. And if it felt the right thing to do at the time and it made someone happy then you would have also received great pleasure from it.
You should never lower your standards to meet others-let them rise up to you and you will continue the improve the world.
Haven't blogged for a few days and there is so much reading to catch up on first.
Willow-thank you for your data analysis- I was smiling from ear to ear.
Posted by: blueeyes1955 at February 24, 2008 6:51 PM
istj - I feel no regret at all about being the "giver" and would do it again without hesitation. I certainly never think that I shouldn't have been so generous.
Posted by: woodnwine at February 24, 2008 6:39 PM
Yes ……many people here are rebels and leaders, and what is the common thread?
Courage, Humanity, Compassion and the search for that complementary “other”
Best wishes in that search, for it seems to me well deserved.
Go gently people, and be kind to yourselves
Posted by: kianee at February 23, 2008 11:41 AM
Hey kianee...it is suprising that there is quite a lot of common world view on here...or at least empathy, sympathy and support. have you looked back much in the archives?? Unfortunately some of the outrageous, racy, insulting and other comments seen as innappropriate by the moderators got removed. I've been too busy with my new lifestyle of juggling two jobs while preparing to go back to uni...so can not blog as often as previously. Also have to prepare for uni beginning soon. I read the blogs for ages before joining in. Hope you are not daunted by the log in system...and that you copy after posting in case you need to paste the post if it fails, then repost it.
Perhaps you may make it to a blogger meet one day, and put faces to some names.Hope your are not put off by our silliness and sometimes rambunctiousness...we are all in a similar boat really.
slightsync
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at February 24, 2008 5:55 PM
Action, not aspirin. Make sense?
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 23, 2008 2:25 AM
Yes timewarp1...I forgot sunsets and sunrises..also the moonrise. We had a lovely full moon the other night. Yep I am a believer in action (not that sort of action)...for sure. Well its good that you are going to the Dabblers group and getting to sit with women you do not know....yet. Let me know when you define where "around the corner" is...
Having no money but for essentials is not such a bad thing as you sure appreciate what you have. Well put about how we think of having a little, a little more etc.
I try to make time to stop and smell the roses so to speak and do hope you make a little time to relax in this busy life of yours
: ))
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at February 24, 2008 5:44 PM
Helloooo!!
Don't tell me EVERYbody has suddenly got a life! No posts on either blog since I did onto both, some time after midnight last night. And now it's heading for midday.
Well I'll just have to go to the laundromat and then welcome my lunch date here, won't I?
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 24, 2008 12:29 PM
A L 58: Don't worry. Not offended. Try never to do offended - part of my technique of keeping calm and reasonable till my attacker either quietens down too, or totally loses it and has a viper-style spack attack because I won't snap back.
Or in the case of my 2002-3 lover, I said something that I thought was harmless, and she bit my head off. So I asked her what was it in her past that had caused what I'd said to hurt her, and she burst out sobbing.
"It's the first time in my life I've offered someone a fight, and they've worried about my feelings, instead of automatically fighting back." She'd recruited me for a toyboy, and grew to love my nature quite by mistake.
As for you, I've felt from the beginning of your questioning ("Yes, but who cleaned the toilet?") that you had a private agenda. And that it involved one sex putting down the other, any time it raises its head over the battlements. But I had guessed the wrong sex.
So I repeat my question - your stamp or mine?
I did start to answer you, but then thought that what I was writing could bore or embarrass third parties if not myself, so saved it to Word for later on, and rewrote that post differently.
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 24, 2008 12:23 AM
Timewarp,
I am so sorry, I didn't mean for you to feel I was interrogating you. That was certainly not my intention. You often willingly relate large parts of your life story spontaneously, so I didn't think you would mind. I haven't been "blogging" on this site very long, so I obvously haven't read all your contributions and I may be quite wrong, but I haven't read a lot of affirmations about your ex. I'm probably just hypersensitive to this as my partner always saw me as the ''flawed" one in our relationship (I came from the dysfunctional family background of alcoholism and violence therefore it was me who had all the problems such as being "demanding", "selfish", "neurotic", "over-emotional", "unstable"). He on the other hand, saw himself as being very stable and reasonable.
So it is likely that I am just being, as I have explained, hypersensitive to what I perceived as your listing of your ex's faults.
So I take full responsibilty for any feelings of anger or dismay that you have if I seem to be prying into your private life. I did not mean to be unkind or judgemental.
Posted by: amberlight58 at February 23, 2008 11:48 PM
Amberlight58: Just answered one of your questions on the Valentines Day blog.
Things seem to be quietening down, so I might wander off and read the week's junk mail. Really need those supermarket speciats this week. Seeya.
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 23, 2008 11:40 PM
kianee @ 10.14pm: That's why I'm such a try-hard at RSVP dating. (But drew another total blank, across town this arvo.)
I'm still sure Ms Right-Enuff who thinks I'm Mr Right-Enuff has GOT to be slinking around somewhere - but
Virgil @ 9.03pm: Thank you for your most generous reference, mate, and even more-generous offer to tout for me, but I'm a poor man so far, so she needs to be in far-off BrisVegas or thereabouts:
I've already had all my interstate trips for 2008. except one to Sydney, wrapped round Tony Robbins' 4-day + 3-evening FireWalk seminar on Sept 19-22.
And BTW, I really liked your summary at 8.51pm. Spot on.
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 23, 2008 11:02 PM
It does seem that most people I have observed on this site do not hate the other gender just some specific members of the opposite one. I have followed the character side of both the Western and Oriental paths of Astrology for a long time, as I follow the compatibility check on those who contact me, peep me etc, I find it accurate to a surprising degree, me I am sag on the cusp of scorp. I keep the past in mind but what has been has been and now what is over that hill ahead. The daily readings, too general, when in doubt I go to my Runes.
Cheers OG
Posted by: oldergent at February 23, 2008 10:56 PM
Riversong.@8.26.pm/ Virgil and istl54.
now it seems we are moving to concensus, I think what we are moving towards is that all people should have the same rights as one another, that is the form of equality I can agree to./ I have skipped several posts to get this posted/ Bill I shot lousy, I think it was alianne and the other Bill (Shake)plus the late night and early morning, sorry can;t think of a better excuse, worse still I have the really difficult match tomorrow
Cheers
Posted by: oldergent at February 23, 2008 10:39 PM
istj54, gee, you're on fire today. I agree with timewarp, that paragraph spoke heaps to me too. By the way, I'm so glad you're still with us on here.
Posted by: malsie at February 23, 2008 10:15 PM
Malsie, Thank you
Laughsandtalks, ‘The sexes are not equal and it is really only the relatively huge gains in wealth, health and prosperity that we have had since the industrial revolution that have allowed the rapid, somewhat experimental, social changes you mention ;-)’………. Include in this list education and the brave souls who fought for so many of the rights for women and children which has enabled a positive attitude change, and allowed the sexes to become a little more equal.
I somehow think it will be some time, if ever, for a true balance to be achieved for everyone. This balance will only come, if, as istj54so rightly says ….. ‘ that no matter our talents, sex, race, wealth status, importance, role..etc, etc...we are all of equal "value" as human beings.’……
Istj54 I fully agree with your assertion of …. “Our world is full of injustice and inequality perpetuated by people who feel they are superior in some way to others”…… and would like to add, that this attitude has lead to so many wars during the ages…………. “I know that people's circumstances, abilities, environments are unequal but the basic being should be treated as such”….. Perhaps people will learn to value and accept the attributes and differences between genders. It is not not that one is more equal than the other, just different. One gender comlpiments the other. A change of attitude a greater understanding of the differences between people would perhaps prevent wars on both fronts!
Timewarp, I have a feeling that your best times are still to come!
Ps. I would love to hear a little about your poetry.
Posted by: kianee at February 23, 2008 10:14 PM
istj @ 9.35pm: Your last paragraph brought tears to my eyes. It spoke directly to me, and is the most personally-empowering thing that I have read anywhere for a long time. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 23, 2008 9:56 PM
amberlight @ 1.45pm: You've just asked me some rather hard questions. I've answered your previous ones obediently below, but I'd rather not answer this batch here and now in public, if you don't mind. Bit too personal.
Another time, another place perhaps? Your stamp or mine? (ie. do you wanna put your money where your inquisition is?)
istj: I'm with you, as far as I can stagger. Wonderful stuff.
riversong 1: You're also very good, every time I see your disembodied words.
Must go cook dinner for one. Too tired tonight to hit the town - too much climbing, clambering and kneeling today in the heat.
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 23, 2008 9:44 PM
WnW...I was merely using that scenario as that, a scenario...and not really a good one to say what I meant. I know that there are many good men out there sharing the load of day to day living equally with their partners. Virgil seemed to get what I meant.
I've never even been in that position either.
Your nurturing of your step-daughter is to be commended and has paid dividends with a warm relationship with her now. She has enriched your life.
I think that when we are in relationships we enjoy "doing" for the other, but when it ends we sometimes feel as though we should not have been so generous. That is a shame really. We should feel pride, instead, that we were the "givers". I get this sense from reading these posts that people who have been the givers are a little resentful afterwards. This is a feeling that needs to be shelved as it will detract from being generous in the future. It can lead to bitterness too...you know the old standby, "After all I have done for you...."
Posted by: istj54 at February 23, 2008 9:35 PM
WnW, historically the woman has been the nurturer and the man the provider.....the fact that you were involved in the day to day care and development of a child who was not your biological offspring says volumes about your character...And your desire to be part of a family unit.
That it wasn't appreciated is a failing of another to appreciate your commitment to others..............K
Posted by: auntykaz at February 23, 2008 9:21 PM
Timewarp, you have a very good heart, and I know from your open and honest posts you would make a woman of suitable age, a wonderful partner.
I may be wrong, but I would think that many here are just thinking "Do I know a woman around Mid 60's or thereabouts that is looking for a kind decent person?"
I know if I meet some people of that age group, I will certainly recommend you.
Posted by: virgil at February 23, 2008 9:03 PM
"...but when we get home I cook the meal, do the dishes, bathe the children, do the washing...just because I am the woman and you are superior to me...get what I am getting at now?"
istj ... not all men are like that, you know. I used to bathe the child, help the child with her homework, prepare the meal, do the dishes, do the washing on the weekend ... not just because the woman was too busy but because I wanted to. And it wasn't even my child. Was it appreciated? NO.
Posted by: woodnwine at February 23, 2008 8:57 PM
ISTJ
Your scenario is the world our generation was born into, our children's generation was born into a softening of that scenario. The post by amberlight, ealier this aftenoon compares and contrasts the huge difference between men of the generation x as that generation is called, and the baby boom genereation.
As a father born in the baby boom generation, I celebrated in the way of amberlights partner. This was the expected way to be.
It is the women in their 30's who clearly spell out to their men what is expected, and what they will do in return, in a way their mothers would be so proud. The other night here we discussed co--dependence in the lyrics of songs from the 60's.
There wouldn't be much, if any co-dependece in songs written today, in fact its more like treat me right or on your bike lyrics.
ISTJ Introvert, Sensitive Thinking Judging, in your discussions with OG, you are both talking in different languages.
Unless I am wrong, ISTJ, you are saying Under God, all souls are equal. A fact nobody would deny.
OG you are saying, that everyone has different characteristics, undeniably, the average male is physically stronger than the average female.
It is also undeniably true that the average female is more nurturing than the aveage male.
ISTJ, your example of the bus dirvers stands true for our generation, however couple a man from baby boom generation with a woman from the later generation, and the workload is usually a bit more equal.
People are moving on from what was acceptable in the past in incremental, generational jumps, just ask the coupled 20 somethings about the split up of duties, way different to when I was in my 20's.
Posted by: virgil at February 23, 2008 8:51 PM
Kianee @ 11.41am: Thank you on my own behalf for your thanks, couched in your usual inspired and luminous writing style.
VIRGIL: Kaz is right. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a fan, whether it's of a band, a football team, a uniform (eg. Goths), a tennis player, a novelist, a political party or a religion.
That's how many of the population get their so-important sense of tribe - of belonging somewhere, and thus feeling relevant.
I guess my isolated childhood insulated me from even the concept of that sort of nebulous anonymous peripheral belongingness. My loss.
So I was stuck with having to get my togetherness from much smaller groups - first my parents and their children and employees on our sheep property, then my gang of Uni mates, and later from my own nuclear marriage. (We both had very few friends except workmate acquaintences, and focussed inwards far too much for our own good.)
And in 26 years, we never had one whole night together, away from the children. Ridiculous!
This narrow focus made it harder for me when I lost our alpha male (my dad) when I was just 16, and mum and her 3 sons moved quickly 400 long miles away, to Brisbane and city life.
And harder for Joan and me to lose our son, and harder for me 7 years later to fairly suddenly and 100% completely lose touch with both my wife and 2nd daughter, after the other daughter had already emigrated to the UK.
I went from having a a family to love, be nice to and to work to support, to having an aunt.
That's why I'm so keen to find me a new dearest darling, and again be part of a small mutually-supportive, mutually-loving team. again..
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 23, 2008 8:38 PM
istj54, oldergent and marcus, I think people are as "equal" as apples, oranges and pineapples. No-one is the same, and "equal" used in relation to people does not mean "clones" - it means, as isj34 says - equal worthiness, that despite our individual unique strengths and weaknesses, we are all equally worthy little grains of sand that make up this whole beach.
But yes, some might fit better with those more likeminded than others. We are all at different stages of growth and personal evolution - would you call a sappling "less worthy" than an oak tree? I guess it depends through which eyes we look. Understandable that butterflies find more satisfaction with other butterflies than sitting around with catterpillars.
In relation to men/women, "equality" for a woman does not mean being like a man. Maybe if we change the yardsyick, see if men can be "equal" by being feminine, multitasking, right-brain thinking, giving birth and breastfeeding? Men and women are DIFFERENT, but both equally worthy :)
What has this do do with on-line shopping? Maybe for a like-minded butterfly on ebay - isn't that what we are doing? :)
Posted by: riversong1 at February 23, 2008 8:26 PM
No, Oldergent, they are worthy of contempt, not respect, because of their inhumane activities and psychopathy...but they started as equal...I'm thinking maybe that equal is not the word to use. we seem to be using it differently.
I'll give a scenario to show what I am meaning in what I am saying. We are married and both work fulltime in the same position...bus drivers...we have two children...we go home each night together...but when we get home I cook the meal, do the dishes, bathe the children, do the washing...just because I am the woman and you are superior to me...get what I am getting at now? I am not your equal because you are stronger than me? You are male? Why is this sort of thing still happening in this day and age? Does anyone know the answer?
I haven't thought this one out too much as I am out the door now...so be kind:))
Posted by: istj54 at February 23, 2008 7:16 PM
istj54. @ 4.43 pm
Do you include people like The son of Sam, Ivan Milat, and any other human filth your equal ? Have they your respect and consideration as an equal, no need to answer, of course you do not ? You may consider yourself as good as the next person, but being their equal is another thing.
Cheers
Posted by: oldergent at February 23, 2008 7:03 PM
LaT...personal value is simply being human...we are all equal under the stars...and yes, it is a simplistic, warm fuzzy, totally unrealistic theory/opinion, but I am positive if more people adopted it there would be far less stress and tension...read war...in this world.
Our world is full of injustice and inequality perpetuated by people who feel they are superior in some way to others. I know that people's circumstances, abilities, environments are unequal but the basic being should be treated as such. You may have a superior intellect but do you consider yourself better than someone less endowed? You should not.
...and to say that because I think we are all equal does not mean to say that everyone on this site should appeal to me. Just because they don't, however, does not mean that they are lesser beings than I am. That is ridiculous.
Posted by: istj54 at February 23, 2008 6:53 PM
istj54,
not really, she was trained by me, to my methods, followed the orders given, could not do the physical work as well as me, had trouble controling rowdy customers, had more home problems she felt she had to tell me about, mainly money and accommodation, but she was loyal and got loyalty in return, as I said we were an effective team, I know damn well she did not consider her assistant managers (Male) equals and had no hesitation in firing them if they did not perform, as she was taught to do. Hope that answers your question.
Cheers
Posted by: oldergent at February 23, 2008 6:51 PM
istj54.
So how do you assess personal value? What are the criteria you use to decide?
Perhaps it is just an unsubstantiable warm and fuzzy feel good notion?
If you follow your own logic you would then date and mate any man here; we are all due your respect in an equal measure.
Cheers Marcus
Posted by: laughsandtalks at February 23, 2008 6:09 PM
Oldergent, by saying that you were never equals with the woman, who went on to successfully continue your work, did you mean to say that she was far superior to you?
Who gets to judge who the superior beings are?..Men?
Posted by: istj54 at February 23, 2008 5:19 PM
I would have to agree with Marcus, in most parts. Men do understand that equality is a many and varied thing, and generally accept the pecking order system and can live by the unwritten rules of evoloution. The problem it seems to me is when women get caught up mens concept of equality, eg Lady you want to be equal, play by my rules and no quarter given or taken. Honestly Amber I could not work in your environment, does that make me equal to you, of course not! I was one of the first managers in a very large take away food organisation to insist on and get a female assistant manager, for no other reason than she was reliable, punctual, sober, a good worker, and honest, and had the respect of the youngish staff, no sexual motives ever. Together we paved the way, now there are as many female managers as male. There was never any social contact between us because it was 7/18/365. When I left she took over and stayed with them till retirement, But we were never equals, many strengths and weaknesses were found between us, the important neccessity was that we complimented each other and were an effective team. The point is of my contempories most of us were a team, while being different and not equal. In my book you cannot have love without mutual respect, lose respect lose love.
Cheers
Posted by: oldergent at February 23, 2008 5:09 PM
LaT: That is a hard one to measure, but I believe that no matter our talents, sex, race, wealth status, importance, role..etc, etc...we are all of equal "value" as human beings.
A starving child, in a backwater in Africa, is no less valuable than an American President. This opinion is, of course, just my view of humanity.
I know it is not the opinion, or attitude, of many who would like to continue with the ethos that there are more valuable, or valued, people in this world.
We are "all" due respect and should not be demeaned in any way because we are thought of as lesser beings for any reason.
Posted by: istj54 at February 23, 2008 4:53 PM
istj54.
Sam's Age blogs would probably put a few of the regular contributors here outside their comfort zones.
How do you measure "equality in value as a human being"?
Posted by: laughsandtalks at February 23, 2008 4:37 PM
kianee, best wishes to you too in your life. I looked at your profile, and you sound a most interesting and lovely woman. I too have enjoyed people revealing more of their deeper selves of late. It's not mandatory, obviously, but happens from time to time and makes the people who contribute come alive a bit more to me.
Posted by: malsie at February 23, 2008 3:39 PM
Laughsandtalks, I often read Sam's blogs and wonder why rsvp don't simply steal the ideas for topics.
I believe the sexes to be equal but with very different qualities and talents...gender differences?
Maybe what I refer to as equality is equality in value as human beings.
Posted by: istj54 at February 23, 2008 3:13 PM
istj54.
If you want a lively blog that is not over populated by wafflers, is moderated, and has frequent, relevant topic changes try Sam DeBrito's 'All Men Are Liars' column in The Age.
Re your complaint that 'men are still not willing to be truly equal in all respects'.
Much of the philosophy underpinning the equality arguments is poorly thought out garbage that ignores so many of the fundamental gender differences that have been sorting themselves for the last, say, 6 million years of primate/human evolution.
The sexes are not equal and it is really only the relatively huge gains in wealth, health and prosperity that we have had since the industrial revolution that have allowed the rapid, somewhat experimental, social changes you mention ;-)
Cheers Marcus
Posted by: laughsandtalks at February 23, 2008 2:41 PM
I can only agree, ISTJ. I work in a hospital environment and the expectations of men by the younger women of today are so much higher than ours were!
When I had my first child my husband spent all week (remember being forced to stay a week in hospital because we weren't "ready" to go home?) 'celebrating' the birth; he had to get his mum and sister in to clean the house before I came home. Today's young men often room in with ther partner at the hospital and get up to the baby during the night, changing it and getting it ready for the mother to feed from the very first night! No celebrating down the pub for them! And the expectation is that this will continue long-term and for as many children as a couple have, none of this "I have to go to work and I'm tired" business. The attitude is that you are half responsible for creating this human being, you are half-responsible for looking after it!
But then society has changed a lot though, lots of girls 'got themselves pregnant' back in my teenage years. The young men involved simply didn't want to know about it and denied it altogether. Now DNA testing means this can no longer happen and the Govt's attitude is you father the child you are responsible for supporting the child. How many men of OUR generation ISTJ, simply fathered children but never took any responsibilty for them? It was the woman's role. It must be hard for older men to change their ideas, although see what happens when an older-generation man fathers a child with a younger partner!! Their ex-partners and older children are amazed! They can and will share the responsibilty for a much younger partner!!
Posted by: amberlight58 at February 23, 2008 2:40 PM
I learned that you can't rely on anyone else for affirmation, that you must affirm yourself. I learned that loving someone as best you can is not always enough; and also that no matter how hard you try you can't "make" someone love you. And to not take that personally. Just to name a few.
What excellent lessons to learn in life amberlight...but very hard to remember sometimes:))
Posted by: istj54 at February 23, 2008 2:15 PM
Many of you may be finding yourselves in the disillusioned daters’ corner, but I am finding myself in the disillusioned bloggers’ corner.
I think we have been given poor topic choices that run out of steam too quickly.
I have found it difficult lately to rustle up a comment on anything much that I read. Perhaps, like Virgil, I have become discontent and am looking for something new to fire up some sort of enthusiasm….like the football season…go Pies!!
Reading the posts from yesterday, I get a sense of the generation gap that I mentioned last week…I think?...may have started last Saturday…
Not only a generation gap but also a vast difference in people’s environments regarding both family, times and locality. It is interesting to listen the varied life experiences and observe how they have formed the values, opinions and outlooks of each person.
I was brought up in a big city and was very much a part of the equality for women generation. This has formed my views, values and outlook…but it also provides for a sizable clash, even with men my age.
I think this is because we women were so ready for a change, but, of course, the men were happy for the status quo to remain firmly in place. Even now men are still not willing to be truly equal in all respects. Women are still doing the greater part of homecare and raising children. I know many men are great and supportive etc…I’m talking majority here…not the minority of “snags.”
I suppose what I am saying here is that, because of these different value systems and upbringing people have in place when they are older, it makes dating even harder as you try to match all of these things up into a cohesive relationship. We are trying to do the impossible sometimes even trying.
When we are older we bring many things to the table…where we are raised, live, values, education, morals, religion, political persuasions, opinions, date of birth…and what was happening at the time…a multitude of differences.
These all make dating and relationships very hard to form into something cohesive and worthwhile…in fact, almost impossible to manoeuvre.
Posted by: istj54 at February 23, 2008 2:09 PM
Sorry re the typos. I meant "so very devastatiing" and "against"
Posted by: amberlight58 at February 23, 2008 1:54 PM
Hi Timewarp,
I'm glad to know you loved your ex dearly despite her sad childhood experiences tainting her view of men for life.
She must have done some nice things occasionally Timewarp, otherwise why would you have stayed with her? (I wasn't quite sure when you spoke about your son [that must have been a terrible time for you and your wife; every parent's worst nightmare] whether you were inferring that it was your wife's smoking that contributed to your son's asthma and whether you were being complimentary or sarcastic about her mothering skills)
It must have been very so devastating to have all those years of love and devotion reduced to a "we had a good thing for a while" when your wife left you. I know how hurt I was when my ex told our daughter that we simply "fell out of love". Makes all that pain and all those shattered hopes and dreams sound so easy and irrelevant doesn't it?
Maisie,
Thank you. Yes I got lots of positives out of my marriage. 4 wonderful young people whom I am very proud of (I am often amazed that I gave birth to them; it is wonderful to know that at least I did something "right" during all those years despite that fact that my ex-husband has never acknowledged my mothering skills to my children or anyone else!) And lots of life-experience. I learned that you can't rely on anyone else for affirmation, that you must affirm yourself. I learned that loving someone as best you can is not always enough; and also that no matter how hard you try you can't "make" someone love you. And to not take that personally. Just to name a few.
Virgil,
There are plenty of die-hard female Crows supporters in Adelaide whose idea of heaven would be to be with another like-minded Crows supporter! I think you may be on the right track going to the football regularly; you're bound to meet one or several dozen. How do you go when the WC play Adelaide? Could be a bit "bloody " if you go for WC agianst Adelaide, though. SANFL well, as long as you don't barrack for Port you should be safe!
Posted by: amberlight58 at February 23, 2008 1:45 PM
Virgil, you don't have to defend your need /want to be a pack follower.
We are all different, and require different things in life to make us feel worthwhile, recognised and validated.
And by the way theres nothing wrong with showing support to a footy team.....
Even if it is a South Australian one..........K
Posted by: auntykaz at
What Do Retired People Do All Day?
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day my beloved and I went into town and went into a shop.
We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
We went up to him and said, 'Come on man, how about giving us senior citizens a break?'
He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd.
He glared at me and began writing another ticket for having worn tyres.
So my beloved called him a shit head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.
Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, we didn't care. We'd come into town by bus.
Posted by: neuroticfish at February 27, 2008 9:11 AM