RSVP Blog

WnW,
Don't some alpha males seem okay at work and even in the community in general, but keep their anger bottled up and then start shouting and yelling once they get home to their family? Or is thar just dysfunctional alpha male behaviour?
My ex rarely shouted at me, he just "glowered" but our kids!! He just yelled and screamed at them all the time!! It was even worse if we had an argument over him not helping me around the house or something; he would then go and start yelling at them that they should help me more. No matter how much I tried to ask him to talk to the kids in the same way he talked to people at work or his fellow CFS brigade members, with some respect and understanding, he just wouldn't listen. This contributed greatly to the breakdown of our marriage.

Posted by: amberlight58 at March 4, 2008 11:54 AM

vitgil - I agree. I usually find I have discuss personal issues with women because most men don't want to know about it. Luckily I also have one good mate who listens but it is the exception I think. Also most men tend to give the alpha response when discussing issues with relationships e.g. treat 'em mean and keep 'em keen .... maybe they are right? Or just forget them, they're not worth it.

Posted by: woodnwine at March 4, 2008 11:43 AM

One way to change alpha male personality, is major medical emergency, it is at this point, one realises that the body will not continue to do what the mind says it must.

Women have many other women to talk to, and to help in the coping mechanism, whereas I have one mate that we discuss all these matters with, at a similar level to the way women talk with each other. I feel very lucky to have this support.

Posted by: virgil at March 4, 2008 11:08 AM

"One way alpha combativeness plays out is in a propensity for defensive behaviour. Alpha males' intimidating style makes other people defensive and alphas respond to that defensiveness with disdain. But, paradoxically, when someone disagrees with them, or gives them critical feedback, they get defensive - only to justify their behaviour as honest truth-telling.

They think they're delivering a wake-up call when they're hurling verbal grenades. Their defensiveness stems from thinking they have all the answers and from having to prove it to others.

Put two dysfunctional alpha males together and even if they start out with common objectives, they're likely to end up in a power struggle.

When an alpha male pounces on someone who's not an alpha, the dynamic is different. As the other party tries to explain, the impatient alpha either tunes out conspicuously or cuts in with a barrage of heavy artillery.

The opponent slinks away in self-defence, pretending to get the alpha's point. Also disappearing are useful facts and important views, along with respect, trust and support. People comply with alphas and mindlessly implement their strategies, even if they don't agree with them. Effort diminishes, learning ceases and collaborative dialogue is silenced.

As troublesome as it is, defensiveness pales in comparison to the most common alpha male trait: volatility. In our study, male alphas scored markedly higher than female alphas on impatience and difficulty controlling anger (there was no significant difference in competitiveness). Male anger tends to be transparent, whether it's expressed in biting sarcasm or a blow-up. Angry women are usually less overt: their tone takes on a sharp edge, or they carp and criticise, pointing out what's wrong at every turn and ignoring what's working well.

Whether it comes out in upheavals that shatter the Richter scale, glares that melt icebergs or callous slurs that cut to the bone, alpha volatility makes for an edgy, unpredictable workplace. Because of the sheer power of their inner furnaces, alphas set the temperature of the group. Shift their thermostat from upbeat to surly, and watch the mood of the organisation plummet. Raise it into the red zone and you have a paranoid workforce.

When an anger-prone alpha male leader is about to arrive on the scene, you will see anxious people searching for clues about which personality will walk through the door. The price of that pervasive fear includes wasted energy, elevated stress levels and employees who cover their backs instead of getting their jobs done.

Many alpha males operate under the mistaken belief that fear moves people to more productive action. To be sure, the old-fashioned, hard-nosed alpha style can be a legitimate management tool, not just in war or on a football field, but in the corporate world as well. In severe crises, or at times of exceptional fear and uncertainty, tough command-and-control tactics can provide needed order and discipline.

In ordinary circumstances, however, alpha male excesses are much riskier now than they used to be. More and more leaders realise that success in the corporate jungle requires keeping a lid on abusive tendencies, and alphas who face up to their risks often learn with experience how to rise above them."

Harvard Business School

Posted by: woodnwine at March 4, 2008 11:07 AM

"Human history is the story of alphas, those indispensable powerhouses who take charge, conquer new worlds and move heaven and earth to make things happen. Whether heading a band of warriors, bringing a vital new product to market, guiding a team to glory or steering a giant conglomerate, alphas are hardwired for achievement and eager to tackle challenges that others find intimidating. Along the way, they inspire awe and admiration - and sometimes fear and trembling. Wherever they are and whatever they do, they stand out from the crowd, usually leaving an indelible impression on those whose lives they touch.

The business world swarms with alpha males (and females). Although there are no hard numbers to support this approximation, we estimate that alphas comprise about 75% of top executives. Some are larger-than-life legends who run giant companies; others lead in relative obscurity at the top of little-known firms or small departments.

Alphas are aggressive, results-driven achievers who insist on top performance from themselves and others. Courageous and self-confident, they are turned on by bold, innovative ideas and ambitious goals, and they pursue their objectives with tenacity and an urgent sense of mission. Their intense competitive drive keeps them focused on the gold - silver or bronze simply won't do - and they're always keeping score. Often charismatic figures who command attention, they exert influence even when they're low-key and inconspicuous.

Alphas are found at every level of the organisational chart. Whether they're at the forefront of a global corporation or stacking shelves in a retail store, they look for ways to increase their power and influence, dominating meetings, taking the lead on projects and otherwise making their presence felt. Indeed, many a corporate bigwig started out as an alpha nobody who somehow stood out from the crowd. This does not mean that all good leaders are alphas or that only alphas have what it takes to lead a group to victory. On the contrary, depending on the nature of the business and the organisation, many leadership positions are better filled by men and women who are not alphas, and who achieve their goals with styles that better suit their personalities and circumstances.

In general, men are more likely than women to have alpha characteristics, and the business world contains many more alpha males than alpha females, especially in the top executive ranks. In our research, men scored much higher than women on measures of the alpha risk factors. What does this mean? In short, alpha females get angry, but they're seldom as belligerent as alpha males. They like to win and they set aggressive goals for themselves and their teams, but they're not as intimidating or as authoritarian as their male counterparts. And while they can be fiercely competitive, they're less likely than alpha males to use ruthless tactics or to see peers and colleagues as rivals who have to be destroyed.

Make no mistake: the world needs alphas. We could not do without their courageous leadership, their goal-driven focus and their unwavering sense of responsibility. At their best, alphas are world-beaters. When they are not at their best - when they are unaware, out of balance, or out of control - they create problems that diminish the value of their productive energy. And when they are at their worst, they go down in flames and drag their co-workers, their families and their organisations with them. We call this complex set of characteristics the alpha male syndrome because it fits both the basic definition of the word - 'a distinctive or characteristic pattern of behaviour' - and its usual connotation of disease or dysfunction: 'a complex of symptoms indicating the existence of an undesirable condition or quality'.

If it's not money, it's sex. We've observed that many leaders who fit the dysfunctional alpha male typology become womanisers who use conquest and control to assert their dominance. Add to that the tendency for alphas to think they should get whatever they want and you have a perfect set-up for dramas that can ruin careers and families, weaken mighty leaders and throw organisations into turmoil.

When properly channelled and controlled, the alpha male drive to reach the top is a spur to progress, but when the ethic of what it takes to get results is carried to extremes, it becomes a menace to both personal careers and corporate health. It wreaks havoc, turning otherwise worthy alphas into bullies who intimidate, browbeat and humiliate people to get what they want, often rationalising their behaviour as necessary to get others to shape up. Combative and pathologically competitive, unhealthy alpha males need to dominate; as a result, they are constantly on guard and always looking for an advantage."

Harvard Business School

Posted by: woodnwine at March 4, 2008 10:57 AM

Woodnwine........I am another one who married an alpha male, to my detriment. When I met him I was attracted to his spontaniety, always ready to go off and do whatever, cheeky and charming, touch arrogant with tickets all over himself.........very very attractive although he is not especially good looking. What I came to realise over time, especially once we had three children, was that he was extremely self absorbed and that it was always, all about him. It just wasnt so obvious before we had the responsibilities and challenges that come with kids, mortgage and sometimes only one income. And after more than two years apart nothing has changed........he is still too busy doing his own thing to be bothered with his kids........so in my new life I am looking for a bloke that is less alpha who has solid relationships with family and friends.

Posted by: jenjen57 at March 4, 2008 10:01 AM

I empathise JenJen!! My ex is very similar.

Posted by: amberlight58 at March 4, 2008 10:56 AM

I read the Myer Briggs profiles (I haven't done the test) and I thought I wouldn't fit entirely into any of the "types". There were "bits" of me in all of them!! (Scary really! Should I be worried?)

Alpha Males, are they the gorgeous looking, athletic and sporty males women go weak at the knees for?
I would agree that those guys who believe in their own publicity are a poor partner choice. But it has amazed me over the years, that particularly those younger ( in there late 20's early 30's) have such a different attitude to the guys of my era, those in their late 40's and 50's.

The younger people seem so much more "grounded" (maybe because they have seen their own fathers?) and seem to put their wives and families very much on their major priority list. The most gorgeous looking guys who play A grade footy and basketball and other sports in our country town are either married or getting married and seem to be moving away from the "mates first" attitude they had before they met their partners. They are proving to be the most wonderful husbands and fathers, and are that way from the time their child is born, married or not. No longer do you see the mothers struggling (as I did when my kids were younger) with tired grumpy babies at the football while their partner stands at the bar with their mates post-football. These young guys finish their game, have their showers and go and find their familes, often being the ones dealing with a crying babv while their partners socialise.
That was very rare in my baby days!! And any bloke who was strong enough to put his family first, would have been paid out by his mates for being "under the thumb" (I must admit even when my children were young, there were blokes that actually were like that, but they were few and far between)

Women who suffer post-natal depression these days are more likely to get sympathy and very "hands on" support from their partners, when I had difficulty with our first child, my ex-husband had the attitude that I was the problem, that there was something deficient in my coping skills. (he was very much into the attitude that having a wife and family was not going to change his life: it certainly changed mine!)

So I would agree with you that the aging "alpha male" would probably still make a poor partner choice (unless he has learned that the world has changed of course; he'll find that out quickly if he choose a partner 10 or more years younger than him!) But the younger blokes: no they are proving to be quite different. Of course, there is still the odd bloke who will never grow up and take responsibilty and some who are borderline, but this is no longer seen as being okay or encouraged by their peers.

Posted by: amberlight58 at March 4, 2008 10:47 AM

Virgil, for me (and other women who've mentioned the same to me) one of the most significant ways I see women nurturing themselves is their close and communicative relationships they have with other women. Especially when there's a relationship hiccup or break-up - we talk, and talk and talk....and I know some men may accuse us of doing nothing but "talk", but it bonds us, heals us and provides great solace and insight at times.
I know the above isn't exactly a revelation. But the power behind our willingness and ability to talk things through with our female friends is not to be denied!

Posted by: malsie at March 4, 2008 10:40 AM

Marcus - I think everyone knows what an alpha male is and I did put in a few descriptive words, that I believe were accurate. I think all men have a certain amount of alpha male in them but obviously in different degrees. I was referring to men who are predominantly alpha.

Posted by: woodnwine at March 4, 2008 10:32 AM

SCC, I too had to have a quick peek. What a hoot.. You rock lady!!!!

You know if your Adelaide get together had a bit more notice I could be tempted to pop over. In fact maybe even a few of us could/would. Anyway, if this one comes off for you then maybe you'll post more warning for the next one..Good luck with the plans. Cheers.."G"

Posted by: amdoingit at March 4, 2008 10:32 AM

jenjen57.
Re your comments on ex hubby.
Diagnosis is not of alpha type.
MS

Posted by: laughsandtalks at March 4, 2008 10:31 AM

Morning all,will try to do a quick catch up but think maybe I should've jumped back on before putting head to pillow. Would take too long now to comment on all that I'd like to so will do my best to keep it short.

Virgil, your take on bath, etc last night was spot on!!! A more intuned man than I thought after reading last night's posts..

Slightsync.. I added Bergamot, Ylang Ylang, Sweet Orange and Thyme essential oils. Add to that the fact that I had a bowl of mango cheeks that had been soaking in Grand Marnier for over 4 days and I was very,very relaxed by the time I crawled out of said bath. Slept like a baby too....

K... mangoes were part of "those"... Mmmm.

Nina @ 12.33am, as always, wise words of wisdom. Rarely is there anything but.. X x

Amberlight @ 12.16am. Ech your sentiments exactly.. Couldn't have put it better myself.

Best I go before I'm accussed of waffling and taking up too much space.. Must be traces of the Mango Syrup still in the system..Hic...

Have a good one all.."G"

Posted by: amdoingit at March 4, 2008 10:23 AM

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at March 4, 2008 10:06 AM

Morning SSC. I too checked out your profile and laughed.

The Adelaide meet sounds a great idea. I hope to try and make it.

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at March 4, 2008 10:19 AM

slightsynchronicity.
I saw your photos; Good stuff.
Cheers MS

wnw.
How are you defining alpha male?

Posted by: laughsandtalks at March 4, 2008 10:12 AM

Hi SSC, just went and checked out your alteration to your profile.............hehehe........read what you wrote and nearly fell off the bed giggling!!!!!
Happy now Marcus ??
Shouldnt have to pander to anyone around here kiddo............have a great day :))

Posted by: jenjen57 at March 4, 2008 10:07 AM

If your mind is broad enough to believe New Age meta twaddle your brains are in danger of fallling out of your arse. Ha ha
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at March 4, 2008 9:45 AM

You have said that before..

Well the book by Mr Singh sounds interesting. about 100 people have mentioned the celestine prophecies to me and am curious that is all. Have you ever reading any non-dualism writings. I have spent the last year reading some Eastern thing for interest, including by a man called Baklesar...Balkesar...a guy in India who used to be a Banker. "Sin&Guilt' I think. Ummm also I read some of The Bhagvad-Gita and also The Bhagvad-Gita for Westerners, some Zen writings, David Deida..about his view on polarity. Deepak Chopra and am just exploring ideas. I am not New Age and do not need a label, do you? Maybe the Briggs Meyer stuff is crap but it is fun to do. Peace.

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at March 4, 2008 10:06 AM

Woodnwine........I am another one who married an alpha male, to my detriment. When I met him I was attracted to his spontaniety, always ready to go off and do whatever, cheeky and charming, touch arrogant with tickets all over himself.........very very attractive although he is not especially good looking. What I came to realise over time, especially once we had three children, was that he was extremely self absorbed and that it was always, all about him. It just wasnt so obvious before we had the responsibilities and challenges that come with kids, mortgage and sometimes only one income. And after more than two years apart nothing has changed........he is still too busy doing his own thing to be bothered with his kids........so in my new life I am looking for a bloke that is less alpha who has solid relationships with family and friends.

Posted by: jenjen57 at March 4, 2008 10:01 AM

Marcus, I have changed my profile as you suggested by adding words to it. I added voluptuous on top, hope it makes you really happy. However the descriptive words do not fit me so am not using them. As I am not on here to find a partner as I think it is hard for people to be honest online and people email for too long etc. I simply liked the blog. Not sure at the moment and do not have time to read it all properly it seems. The thing is you need to meet people in person. what we have on here is profiles and photos. If you want airbrushed perfection go find it. Personally I think its best to be positive...you are actually rude. I do not really care what people say, but your comments were derogatory and I am a female. If you want to meet a female, perhaps you may want a glimpse into the female mind or are you looking for a sparring partner. You remind me of someone I know in Adelaide who is not an unpleasant person but certainly likes to take the opposing viewpoint. If you want to direct further critical, insulting comments to me, email me as I do not think this stuff is suitable for a public blog. It is a waste of blog space. I do not expect everyone to agree with me about anything but rudeness is not appropriate. Meet people then make your "judgement".

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at March 4, 2008 9:59 AM

Returning to the subject of the number of kisses one sends..

I am totally amazed that ANYone can find 25 people per week, (let alone in a reasonable target area), whose profile & photo are attractive enough to send a kiss...

Ditto and I just read amdoingits post about baths. Sounded divine and shame I did not read it last night.

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at March 4, 2008 9:47 AM

slightsynchronicity
The Myers Briggs thing is pretty dubious really. Not discredited to the same degree that some of Jungian stuff it is based on though.
It is pretty much dinner party trick, pop psychology really though I do realise HR think they can use it. A good IQ test is more reliable. People do the MB tests many times over the years and repeatability of the 4 letter code is often under 50%.
Read a decent book on astronomy-there is one by Simon Singh that is excellent-and be amazed and informed by the extent and beauty and precision and reason of scientific endeavour.
The Celestine Prophecy is totally unsubstantiated garbage of the first order- as they say; 'in the land of the blind the one eyed is king'. If your mind is broad enough to believe New Age meta twaddle your brains are in danger of fallling out of your arse. Ha ha
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at March 4, 2008 9:45 AM

slightsync - I have to say from several responses/comments you have made to me that you obviously don't "get" me. If I was any more relaxed, I'd be asleep and I often think I don't try hard enough, actually. However, thanks for your concern and kind thoughts. The particular remark you were commenting on above was actually very tongue in cheek and referred to earlier comments by others about the number of kisses people send out. Cheers.

Posted by: woodnwine at March 4, 2008 9:18 AM

Oh OK WnW, I thought you were a bit down, sorry....glad that you are not. Its a matter of waiting for things to click of course. Well I did scroll down as much as possible while half asleep so probably missed the context. Most things I say are tongue in cheek. OK. Oh and I do know someone who sent out over 400 kisses recently. Then he gets confused and does not know who he is chatting with. LOL. Oh and I do not try at all, generally.
Enjoy your day :))))

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at March 4, 2008 9:42 AM

How about this topic folks (and maybe we could even find a rather obtuse way to link it to the posted topic about women contacting men). For some odd reason over the last week I have had similar conversations with about 5 people about alpha males and how they are very attractive to women as a dating option. Without exception, every woman I spoke to agreed that the alpha male was very interesting to date but also without exception they all said that he made a poor long term partner for almost exactly the same reasons he was so interesting in the first place. Two of the women I spoke to had married alpha males and divorced them and one was struggling with her marriage.

The reasons they were so attractive to date were because they are fun-loving, adventurous, always busy, off-handish in their relationship (so not at all co-dependant), gregarious etc etc. These same reasons it was agreed made them poor huisbands because they couldn't give up any of their "single" habits and were always too busy out with the boys, playing sport, partying etc to help with the kids, housework, home duties etc.

I am making no personal comments here, just passing on what I have heard people say. Maybe others have different ideas or comments .... let's hope so, then we might be able to get a productive discussion going.

Posted by: woodnwine at March 4, 2008 9:28 AM

"WnW...you think too much. It just means you are more giving surely. Just relax and
don't try so hard."

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at March 4, 2008 1:35 AM

slightsync - I have to say from several responses/comments you have made to me that you obviously don't "get" me. If I was any more relaxed, I'd be asleep and I often think I don't try hard enough, actually. However, thanks for your concern and kind thoughts. The particular remark you were commenting on above was actually very tongue in cheek and referred to earlier comments by others about the number of kisses people send out. Cheers.

Posted by: woodnwine at March 4, 2008 9:18 AM

Not out there at all Virgil. We are all different, thankfully!!, so all our relationships should bring something different into our lives. It's all a big learning and growing curve.......

Posted by: jenjen57 at March 4, 2008 9:12 AM

Adelaide (SA) and any other interested bloggers. Am attempting to organise us getting together on the weekend of the 15th. Sat 6pm or another time agreed by consensus, at a place we agree on or where I suggested. BTW...as I mentioned to virgil then promptly forgot, I am rostered on to work if needed for a big event at one of my jobs. Sunday 16th is out for me probably. Let me know if the Saturday 15th suits to meet for drinks and/ or meal The next weekend and following are out for me.

Dear Marcus, when and if I get a decent picture of myself in jeans I may post it. I have whole body pics on my profile and am working on more. And I really do not understand what you wrote about moderated posts directed at me. Most bloggers know I have little time on here. So suggestions, complaints, opinions or even really dumb and probably offensive comments could be emailed to me directly as posting it when I am unlikely to see it is sort of behind my back. I am here on the blog for the lively discussion. Debate is a bit wearying, come on, I am a law student and do not always want to take the opposing view. This blog has lots of caring, supportive posters and of course lurkers and detractors. If someone does not like us they should bugger off.....

Perhaps you are not so full of yourself in real life Marcus, you have intelligence and could be a nice guy. The skateboard shot shows humour...

Oh and for general bemusement..to the three or so bloggers who like this sort of thing..others just skim past. I did that Briggs Myer test and am more ENFP/ with quite a bit of INFP. And my least function is ISTJ at the moment.

Virgil, warm bath, cup of coffee, some nice music...maybe a book, and some essential oil such as lavender or some sort of relaxing mix.is good for a soak. Am gonna get me to a LUSH store and get some bath bombs with all luxurious things in them. Farout I must read the celestine prophecy (shut up Marcus :))))) My relaxation/way to cheer myself up is to go for a long beach/hill/anywhere nice walk...with the dog, often. I am having fun planning my OS trip..which of course may not occur when I want..am thinking Iceland maybe. Everyone we meet can enrich us, as we do not know everything. Even an opposing view can challenge us and its good to examine our motivations.

I was not sending out any interest kisses due to only being on the blog, (this is about the topic). Recently I did send a kiss to one of those alpha??? males who contacted me, however Marcus is right, I do need to spruce up my profile. Fail to see how a groin shot will help me find the type of guy I would like. I am not on L***life Intimates and that place makes me ill. (You would disagree maybe Marcus, but how dull the world would be if we were all the same!!!!!!!!!!!! Each to their own. Marcus...do you know where you are on the Myer-Briggs thing?

It has been disappointing to read the negative posts between some male bloggers. You would probably get on well in real life over a few beers. Spend a stamp and say it in "person". Or get a headset and download Skype then you can have the pleasure of one more dimension to this. (I have no headset..but I do have a Womadelaide ticket- Sarah Blasko is one of my favourites as you all really want to know)

Willow, I think its cool that you wear jamas..and I was only thinking of your best romantic interests with my post. Some people may think flannelete is sexy. However is sure is comfy : )))

SSC

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at March 4, 2008 9:11 AM

I just finished reading last night's posts and would like to basically agree with thelynathdiary, decoratress and virgil about some people sending out too many kisses. I also believe we should be selective in who we send them to because there doesn't seem to be any point in meeting someone that we would have nothing in common with. I agree that it isn't simply a case of getting bums on seats but rather hoping to meet someone we could really hit it off with.

Currently I am unable to find anyone in my area to send a kiss to but hopefully new members will join soon and that will change things or possibly I will stumble accross someone I have missed (for some reason this happens from time to time) or someone I have missed will find me. Then there are all those hundreds of profiles with no photos....yes, I do read them occassionally too.

Having said all this however, we must factor in that often the best research (profile scrutinising) proves inaffective when it comes time to meet and we are sometimes surprised when we meet someone we thought were a real "outside" chance so, whilst sticking to your core values, keep an open mind.

Good luck everyone.

Posted by: woodnwine at March 4, 2008 9:08 AM

This may be a bit "out there" for some, but the Celestine Prophecy books talk about meeting people, these people have a message for us. So it could be, that we form relationships, then break up, or lose contact fairly quickly with that person.

Rather than feeling bad mad or sad, one could ask themself, what did this person bring to my life, usually it is something, an interest you hadn't thought of, or even the way some people, women particularly can nurture themselves, in ways most blokes have not thought of.

Things I have noticed that women do that blokes do not usually do are to make a nice bath, maybe with radox, then get some chockies, a book and some white wine (sparkling). This is done not as part of a lovemaking ritual with a partner, but as a little treat for ones self.

Another thing I have noticed, is that some women I have known can be quite adventurous, and drive off into the country book into a motel, usually eat early, before restaurants fill with couples, then on the Sunday morning, go to a cafe and have a leisurely breakfast while reading the Sunday papers.

Posted by: virgil at March 4, 2008 8:35 AM

Have taken on board comments about finding the special person who matches most criteria but I really don't think one will ever find the perfect match, so to speak. We all have differences and in any relationship it can be about sharing those differences and learning something new rather than thinking I will change that person to suit me. I learant a lot from my last partner from the simple things of caring in the smallest way to great cooking lessons.And I'm sure in every relationship both people do their own thing whether it be a hobby,watch a particular tv program we detest or even have a different workload that needs attention but we allow them this freedom because we trust and respect their differences.
Besides it is fun meeting new people and possibly making a new friend that is not going to be your partner for life.
Gosh some of you stay up late-you musn't need a smuch beauty sleep as me.Have a great day everyone.

Posted by: blueeyes1955 at March 4, 2008 7:38 AM

slightsynchronicity 1:54
Thanks for the meeting tip.
As it happens I am not caught up in the PC femmo thing. Women are not objects, (obviously), but nor are they deitys.
Modern feminists, in the Maureen Dowd mould for instance, understand the male processes and are not offended when men are honest about that part of their selection criteria. Some aspects of proto feminism has done womens causes a lot of harm and filled girls heads with poor ideas.

Posted by: laughsandtalks at March 4, 2008 5:54 AM

Hi again. Back at last. I was just driving up the road towards my cooked-for-me steak when FD67 (now promoted to my dear sister-surrogate) phoned, wanting to join me immediately whereever, to buy me a coffee.

Fortunately I was not out on a date tonight. She soon arrived and we helped each other's current diets by her eating half of my dinner. (They always give you more than you need - especially the veges that you serve for yourself.)

Then the evil temptress offered me cake and coffee for only $5, and her paying for it and her coffee too. I was not able to resist her sly urgings, but I made her eat half the cake, and every finger-chased last skerrick of the optional-extra mountain of whipped cream.

We talked joyously for hours. Very fond of her, but don't take to her boyfriend. Obviously doesn't deserve her.

And you have all been busy, while I was away.

I was rather disappointed with oldcodger72's crankiness tonight, and yes, I too share someone's suspicions that the turps may have been involved, as I seem to recall, it had been on another Monday night. Seems to take some other blokes that we know in the same way, eh?

Unfortunately for my reputation as a 'real man', the grog just makes me even more boringly happy and banal. "In vino vertitas", or to translate from the Latin: "Hard not to show your real self, when you're drunk."

So girls, Rule (1): get him drunk on the second date, before you invest too much time into him.

And blokes, Rule (2): get her drunk on every date after the third, provided it has the effect you hoped for. (A fellow doesn't want to seem too desperate, by pushing his luck too soon.). And if YOU don't like what SHE becomes when tipsy, send out another batch of kisses.

Someone asked about success rates. In 2 years I've sent out nearly 300 kisses - about 3 a week. Carefully chosen - must have none of the "veto factors" that I explained a week or so ago, and anough positive stuff in her profile to make me want to meet her once, to let me find out if I then want a second date.

Success rate? Pretty consistent. About 1 in 3 ask for an email, and 90% of those lead to a date, usually within 1 to 3 weeks.

1 in 3 soon say "No thanks, you're not on my shopping list", and the last third don't bother to give their rejects any reply at all.

These are nearly always the prettiest ones. I used to rail about their selfishness (I still was, only 5 months ago, when I started blogging,) but now I'm delighted when it happens - I know how interested that person is in the rights of others to expect good manners from her, and I'm glad to be warned about her self-centredness. NEXT!!

TLD's main post was excellent as usual - that's the one thing I agreed with in oldcodger72/oldergent's posts tonight.

Virgil: You, WnW and Sydney Bob are the main matinee idols here. Good blokes that a man would introduce his sister to. Hang around, mate, and keep reminding us what decent values sound like.

And willow: You continue to delight me too.
At least your every second post makes me laugh out loud, and that's good for my health. Your zany humour and skill with words are really welcome.

I believe a good blog should be like a good newspaper, by including 3 elements:

1) News, like where and when is the next actual blogpostermeet, or the next willow virtual feast.
(Oh BTW willow: I just virtually tried on my crocodile surfing teeshirt, and it virtually fits me already, in spite of Sue's cake tonight.),

2) Meaty discussion of significant topics by savants like TLD, ISTJ and NF-being + for quality, and me for quantity, and

3) Light fluffy merangues and pavlovas to delight us, usually from willow and jenjen. Without these, the blogs are heavy unleavened bread.

Lookit the time! Night night any remaining owls.

Posted by: timewarp1 at March 4, 2008 2:54 AM

laughsandtalks
Women are not objects and there are other sites such as lavalife which have an intimates section that you may want to post on. I am not the only one who objected to your description of body parts of women, you wished to see.

My social life is fine and I have moved on from the penpal who chose the local option, OK.. Hope that you get some response and good on you for sending out 100 kisses.

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at March 4, 2008 1:54 AM

OMG ... I've sent almost exactly twice as many kisses as I've received ... does that make me desperate? And only 5 women have me listed in their favourites ... frankly I'm bl..dy heartbroken. Is there no hope for this bloke? Fish .... what do you rekon, you know everything even though I'm still waiting for your reply to my last question. Is this a conspiracy? Any theories? Who knows who?

Posted by: woodnwine at March 3, 2008 8:57 PM

WnW...you think too much. It just means you are more giving surely. Just relax and
don't try so hard.

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at March 4, 2008 1:35 AM

Yes SCC (Sue) contacted me and I would love to come. I'm not sure when it is. I forgot to include my 'phone number in my email, but I have hers. I will ring her. It would be nice to catch up and put a real face to the names! (yes, I know most of us have photos but it's nicer to meet face-to-face). I live about 80 kms from Adelaide so I'm not familiar with venues in the CBD, etc, but I'm sure someone will help me!

Posted by: amberlight58 at March 4, 2008 12:36 AM

Hi amberlight..was a bit busy with the Womadelaide thing. I can manage Sat 15th March...6pm onwards or Sunday daytime for a get together. Get back to me if either suits u...I have written a suggested venue in email and anywhere is fine but think city could be easier.

TrumansCat, i can't email you are hidden, but you may like to go to this proposed meetup.
SSC

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at March 4, 2008 1:26 AM

Exactly, AmberLight. 'night all.

Posted by: ninaschen at March 4, 2008 1:07 AM

Cheers Virgil.
I have the skateboard under my arm to put a bit of levity and boyishness into proceedings.
It is not my only form of transport. I learnt that the other 4 wheeled vehicle shot of me with the well engineered sports car was subject to glib assesment. Given that my theory is not to take anything here too seriously the nephews board fitted the theme.
Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at March 4, 2008 12:58 AM

I also have SSC's phone number and email and have come here from WA last August, I live in Hove, which is a beachside suburb next to Brighton.
It would be nice to meet you amberlight, and of course any other bloggers who would enjoy coming to Adelaide.

I once used MiRC a few years ago, and we had regular bloggers meets, and when visitors were able to come to Perth we always had special meets for them.

I would like to thank all those people who had kind words for Willow and myself tonight, as I have previously mentioned some, thanks amberlight and ninaschen.

It was an interesting night and I feel it is time for me to go to bed so goodnight all from Doug

Posted by: virgil at March 4, 2008 12:54 AM

Yes SCC (Sue) contacted me and I would love to come. I'm not sure when it is. I forgot to include my 'phone number in my email, but I have hers. I will ring her. It would be nice to catch up and put a real face to the names! (yes, I know most of us have photos but it's nicer to meet face-to-face). I live about 80 kms from Adelaide so I'm not familiar with venues in the CBD, etc, but I'm sure someone will help me!

Posted by: amberlight58 at March 4, 2008 12:36 AM

Thank you amberlight for the really nice things you say to me.

It was a lovely time, we have moved on, as people do, but will always have a great deal of affection for the other.

I think there is a SA bloggers meet coming up soon, I am hoping to be there

Posted by: virgil at March 4, 2008 12:24 AM

Virgil,
Maybe it was because you were both willing to listen that helped to change each other's views. If we can listen and accept the other person's viewpoint without feeling threatened, then we can perhaps understand and 'see' where the other person is coming from.
It is when people are of the viewpoint that their opinion and only those who agree with them are 'right', that makes others not feel accepted and also feel that they need to defend their viewpoint.
You and your previous partner despite your 'generation gap' were obviously willing to accept and respect each other's differences, which is probably why your relationship lasted such a long time

Also I enjoy Willow's banter, yes sometimes he is a bit left-field and you think to yourself......what the.........?!
But he often acts as a circuit-breaker when things are getting too heavy on here and he can be serious.......sometimes!

The same with you Virgil, you often say something that is quite insightful in the nicest way and you can also circuit-break some of the nastier discussions.
Sometimes it takes a real man to know when to back off
(I would not be alone I am sure in saying that you and Willow are very respectful towards the ladies on these blogs and we appreciate it)

Posted by: amberlight58 at March 4, 2008 12:16 AM

i think it's a great thing that you've taken such positive attitudes and views away from the relationship and also that you've been able to look passed the age difference. I'm sure there's no doubt that you are both better people for it.

Giving it a chance is half the battle isn't it?

Posted by: impossiblebean at March 4, 2008 12:14 AM

18 and a half years, impossible bean.

I initially thought no chance at a previous meeting about a year earlier, but a year or so later, we were in a whirlwind romance, that started in top gear and stayed there for nearly 4 years.

Posted by: virgil at March 4, 2008 12:12 AM

Virgil, if its not too rude to ask, what is the age difference?

Posted by: impossiblebean at March 4, 2008 12:03 AM

I also have a much greater appreciation for the benefits of meditation, in a way to turn off my thinking processes for a time and just be, in the moment.

Decoratess, on the subject of kisses, I totally agree, in the last month I have sent 2 kisses,and received 16. 6 people have added me to their favorites, and I have added one favorite only. This person lives just out of Melbourne, but I was so impressed with what was said, in the proffile I added her to my favorites.

I am definitely after quality, not quanity

Posted by: virgil at March 3, 2008 11:58 PM

I became much more environmentally aware, much more willing to choose ABC over commercial networks.

I enjoy walking now much more, have a much gtreater appreciation of the natural world, flowers, flower remedies.

I much more often choose healthy, and often vegetarian food.

My partner has a much greater appreciation of followers of AFL, how I would prepare for a TV game, ensuring adequate supplies of beer and snack food, and on the alternate week jumping on a bus to go to Subiaco with 43,000 other Eagles supporters.

Posted by: virgil at March 3, 2008 11:48 PM

Posted by: greattimestocome at March 3, 2008 10:26 PM

You're welcome and thanks for a great weekend, it was fun.

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at March 3, 2008 11:37 PM

Agree with you totally Decoratress.. Now I am going.... "G"

Posted by: amdoingit at March 3, 2008 11:36 PM

Virgil, in fairness, maybe you didn't actually change... Maybe it was just some of your views, etc that did... Just a thought???? "G"

Posted by: amdoingit at March 3, 2008 11:34 PM

Returning to the subject of the number of kisses one sends..

I am totally amazed that ANYone can find 25 people per week, (let alone in a reasonable target area), whose profile & photo are attractive enough to send a kiss...

We're all different in this respect, as with most things- which is why tolerance is so important. Personally I would be lucky to send one kiss per week. The widespread trawl approach isn't for me (send enough kisses & a percentage will pay off..)

Some people will be happy with companionship & a reasonable level of compatibility..
..however I'm looking for magic, not mundane, & am quite happy to be single unless & until...
like I say- we are all different.

Posted by: decoratress at March 3, 2008 11:34 PM

I guess that was our secret, Lynath that neither of us entered into the relationship with the view of changing the other, I think that just happened over a period of time.

In many small ways, to the extent that each of our world views were changed to see both sides of the whole.

Posted by: virgil at March 3, 2008 11:30 PM

Can somebody explain to me what the phrase means 'not afraid to show affection in public'. I see this on quite a few of the male profiles and it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. Does that mean that the guy is going to jump all over you in a public place or does that mean, maybe, holding your hand. Whatever it means it seems to me an odd statement as I don't feel the need to put on public displays for anyone. Also, if you are the type of person with a leaning toward public displays who are you afraid of. I am not a person who likes public displays and actually find it quite nauseating at times to see people hanging all over each other, however, if I were that way I would not be 'afraid'. I can't work out what this means so I tend to steer clear of that kind of person who writes that in their profile.

Posted by: iaminperth at March 3, 2008 11:25 PM

Kaz & Lynath
I have certainly changed my mind on the subject of a relationship with someone with much diiferent worldview to mine. My last partner of 4 years plus, is a genreation younger than myself, with widely different views on most subjects.

After our time together, it would be fair to say we had much more common views than I ever would have thought possible.

It is amazing how views can change when there is real love and gentleness in the relationship

Posted by: virgil at March 3, 2008 11:20 PM

Lynath, great post and l would also like to add that eventually the real person does show themselves and all of the light bulbs that have clicked a little in your head glow with incandecence when all of the clues / hints fit the jigsaw puzzle.......................K

Posted by: auntykaz at March 3, 2008 11:01 PM

Exackery! Um, my friend has pink Pjs with green frogs (just like kittens) and it says "Toadily Cool", her mother bought them for her.... should she maybe get out more... says me blogging away

Posted by: impossiblebean at March 3, 2008 10:53 PM

Impossible bean l am off to put on my purlpe princess jarmies make a milo a hit the sack....Hey it works for me on a Monday......K

Posted by: auntykaz at March 3, 2008 10:52 PM

blueeyes55..agree there are plenty that can interest, but I also keep in mind that it is dangerous to go into a relationship with the idea in the back of the mind that the person will change for you or that you can become the person they want. You can't change people ,and you shouldn't try, it only leads to unhappiness later when the real person with major differences in values, lifestyles, interests etc emerges again.

Posted by: thelynathdiary at March 3, 2008 10:52 PM

After 30 years I'd be taking whatever I could get Bean!!

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at March 3, 2008 10:49 PM

I should add - not that anything untoward was happening with said ted :) ...can we talk about pj's again??!!

Posted by: impossiblebean at March 3, 2008 10:46 PM

I tried that jenjen but found ted was the most consistent within the bedroom realm!

Posted by: impossiblebean at March 3, 2008 10:45 PM

Bean.........when you are past 30 I respectfully suggest you can sleep with what/whoever floats your boat :)

Posted by: jenjen57 at March 3, 2008 10:42 PM

willow I for one enjoy your posts immensely. Essays can be very hard going at times.

I'd like to know if it's wrong to sleep with a teddy bear past the age of 30.

Send as many kisses as you like as long as they're genuine :)

Bean

Posted by: impossiblebean at March 3, 2008 10:40 PM

Hyanth,
my respect for you grows with each serious post you make @10.11 (along with your computer advice) that is the best I have read since I have been on RSVP and should be enshrined in the starters page, if they ever had the courtesy to have one. to round off your last line "please do not waste a stamp on me"
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at March 3, 2008 10:35 PM

Thanks Kitten and Willow....it's nice not to worry so much about something I could do so little about...

I hardly think reading blogs teaches anyone what a man is .... some of us adults are still working that little number out.....OG if there is nothing in the posts why read and/or comment?

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at March 3, 2008 10:33 PM

Lynath, I know where you are coming from, not a numbers game for me either.

OG, you have your wish, it is time for me go so I will not bore you any more this week. Enjoy your blogs for the week, I cannot be bothered with intolerance.

Posted by: willow1059 at March 3, 2008 10:31 PM

Greetings All...

Kitten.. tks for the x

Lynath (2012-03mar). Well said!!

So which ladies proposed on the 29th??

GTTC

Posted by: greattimestocome at March 3, 2008 10:26 PM

Lynath, I understand your thoughts on sending kisses and I for one don't send those who interest are totally around the beach, water sports and the snow. Being fairskinned taught me many moons ago that I will never be a beach babe.
But on the other hand there are many who seem compatible and yet on meeting that idea flies out the window fast. Met a fellow who described himself as a fit man. We had met for a drink and possibly lunch. It was only midday and as he downed his 3rd beer whilst simultaneously chewing gum, he said that he still felt seedy from a heavy drinking activity the night before and was now going home to bed.
Moral-you can't judge a book by it's cover. Sometimes those whom you don't think would interest you turn around and surprise you when you actually meet.

Posted by: blueeyes1955 at March 3, 2008 10:24 PM

I don't get the sending kisses out to as many as possible.
Is the aim of the exercise to meet someone to whom you are attracted and who might return some interest?
Or is it just to "put bums on seats" to use a bit of theatre jargon....
Knowing that men(and women) send out hundreds of kisses on the off chance that someone will respond is very, very offputting. About as personal ,and thoughtful and cheap as those flyers that get shoved in the letterbox daily, or the spam that arrives via email.

This is what leads to email stamp wastage.

If I send a kiss it is with genuine thought behind it. Before I send my profile or when I receive a profile I look at it carefully, and I decide whether or not the person is firstly attractive to ME(has no relevance as to whether they are attractive to someone else) and whether or not I fit the type of person they are hoping to find.
I read everything they have to say and think about it carefully. I answer a few questions about my motivation and only then if everything is right enough to allow the best possible chance of success do I send or ask for an email.
For instance, there are plenty of great guys who have sent me kisses, but maybe on their profile they say they love 4wd and camping and have a great big dog. No matter how physically attractive the person is, and how tempting the contact is,I know that I hate 4wd and am not keen on camping and have a lifelong fear of dogs. So to save all the pain I just say no.
If it means I wait a bit longer then that is okay , but I am not wasting someone's time or money. The older a person gets the more they should be aware of what they really want and what they are really like. I just wish there was a reply that sais something along the lines of "I know you are not right for me but thanks for the comliment"

Posted by: thelynathdiary at March 3, 2008 10:12 PM

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at March 3, 2008 10:06 PM

I am sooo pleased for you ... what a relief

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at March 3, 2008 10:11 PM

wishful, excellent news about the hairy one. Thanks for the support on behalf of both virgil and I.

Posted by: willow1059 at March 3, 2008 10:11 PM

Marcus
i think you are selling yourself short there, You appear pretty well preserved for your stated age.
Very courageous to have an RSVP profile shot taken with a skateboard under your arm.
How do I measure success in terms of kiss replies? That would be when I get a positive response to a kiss, so I would say I have been very successful on that score.

I would also measure success when lovely women send me kisses, especially ones that live close by, and support the Crows and spend time at weekends listening to quality bands in Glenelg.

Posted by: virgil at March 3, 2008 10:11 PM

An observation (or 3):
I've noticed that men, when describing their ideal partener, request that they be younger then they are and shorter than they are. It's also been my observation that men who describe themselves as "athletic" are generally overweight. Anyone else noticed this?

Posted by: feathertop at March 3, 2008 10:10 PM

Willow, my pj's thank you for being elevated to cool status.

I can talk about this sort of stuff, but would rather not :-

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at March 3, 2008 10:10 PM

Yes Kitten...we had a breakthrough this morning...no more handfeeding.....phew :)

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at March 3, 2008 10:06 PM

kitten, never. Your PJ's are cool but OG says we cannot discuss because it is unmanly.

Would you like to discuss compression ratios, limited slip diffs, thrust, torque or something along these lines.

Posted by: willow1059 at March 3, 2008 10:02 PM

Hey wishfulthinker03, is the gorgeous "other man" in your life feeling better?

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at March 3, 2008 10:01 PM

Thanks Weta, l thought you would let me know... thats why l didn't get the dictionary!!!!
As for you being uncommon, well lets just say you have an esoteric style......highly so.....in language as well as everything else.....see l am using my new language skills already.................K

Posted by: auntykaz at March 3, 2008 9:57 PM

Posted by: willow1059 at March 3, 2008 8:50 PM

.. ummm ..... I think I just got insulted or was it just the pj's? :-

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at March 3, 2008 9:54 PM

....take the flattery every time kaz....it's just another word for unique and individualistic really....and You know me - why use a common word when an uncommon one exists...I'm just doing my bit to keep the language alive - and irritate a few language nazis off into the bargain.....

Posted by: weta at March 3, 2008 9:48 PM

OG. Ditto.

Virgil, how do you judge 'success rate' of kisses? A reply of any sort, corresponding, a date or a shag, or a long term monagamous relationship?

I reckon a 25% positive response for a bloke with my looks is good...

Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at March 3, 2008 9:47 PM

Willow, stick to dividing by lots of ten. The maths might be a lot easier for you. Throw away the remainders-don't need to confuse you anymore than necessary.
Virgil-my analogy to sending out kisses.
If you need a leaking pipe fixed-you ring 10 plumbers, 8 return your call, 5 actually turn up to quote and only 2 return a written quote in the mail. So keep sending out kisses.

Posted by: blueeyes1955 at March 3, 2008 9:47 PM

Thankyou Willow. Calling us Antiques - Nah! I can perhaps accept vintage. (And a nice vintage at that.) Is a much nicer mellow type of word, don't you think?
Oh and re the name JenJen. Get called that a lot and actually tried to get it as my RSVP name, but alas was gone. (As it should be really!) JenJen has already said hello to me.
Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at March 3, 2008 9:42 PM

One is assuming a 100% success rate on 100 kisses.

What is everybodies experience regarding the success rate of kisses?

I suppose that could be subjective, because If we send kisses To some who we might reasonably expect to receive a positive response from, as oppossed to maybe choosing what we expect to be a more difficult target market, there could be a significant difference in the positive/negative reaction to our kisses.

Posted by: virgil at March 3, 2008 9:35 PM

Hi jenhi, welcome. I'll call you this otherwise you may get confused with jenjen.

Yes I was just checking your profile out Ms Antiques. Sorry about the topic tangent problem, not much hope of it staying on topic when I am around. Add in the stirrers and the ladies who love to tease then you end up somewhere over the rainbow, most likely in bed with flowers.

Now antiques could be a great blog topic especially with so many of us that age our children would adorn us with that tag.

Posted by: willow1059 at March 3, 2008 9:35 PM

Nah Willow that was Louey the fly......

Fearlss the fly was a cartoon years ago....
Sort of round the same time as Prince Planet......
Now theres another one for you....Forgot about Prince Planet......he wore a nice blue cossie.

Or Batfink...sorta in the same vein as Batman, but really a bat.
And l quote "my wings are like a shield of steel"
Clearly l watched to many superhero cartoons as a young girlie.............K

Posted by: auntykaz at March 3, 2008 9:31 PM

You guys make me laugh so much. Just when you want to jump in on something, the topic flys off in another direction. But it's such fun following. (Or trying to follow. lol.) Oh and I've wanted to say - love your profile Willow and also the new Hippiest - so funny.
Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at March 3, 2008 9:27 PM

Kaz, as in the Mortein ad?

Since I love the beach so much perhaps the Marine Boy suit.

Posted by: willow1059 at March 3, 2008 9:21 PM

Thanks virgil.

Blueeyes, you maths is astounding. Do you know I am still trying to count those 100 kisses Marcus sends on my fingers. I'm not quite sure about how to the division by days using my fingers but I do have a saw nearby so that may assist.

Any suggestions about which bits I should amputate to achieve the desired product. Also, if I have a remainder should I just leave it or throw it away?

Posted by: willow1059 at March 3, 2008 9:12 PM

Thanks thelynathdairy.
Funny you mention the zoo. Here I met and dated 3 or 4 times a well known American Zoo director who was behind the expensive and somewhat controversial importation of Thai elephants to Melbourne. See 'brachylagus'
The first meeting happened a lot quicker than 7 weeks and didn't walk because we differed on religion.
W&W. Bigger population here. Whichever way you look at it RSVP has a lot of lottery elements to it so numbers over time matter.
I prefer to meet rather than talk on the phone
for various reasons. One is I lost quite a bit of hearing in an explosion 20 years ago.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at March 3, 2008 9:11 PM

oOh dear the superman suit was going tp tonight's offering, Willow........
Have to put my thinking cap on now...

What about a fearless the fly outfit then......
Complete with oversize spectacles........K

Posted by: auntykaz at March 3, 2008 9:09 PM

the game is at AAMI stadium at 6.50pm and the footy express is running

Posted by: virgil at March 3, 2008 9:08 PM

Weta l don't think anyone has ever called me esoteric before.....
Should l be flattered or appalled????.
In the food vein still, curried chicken with apricots and green beans over steamed basmati rice.
Pretty basic for a Monday night, but then effort in cooking is not one of my forte's.

Unless l am doing a roast.............K

Posted by: auntykaz at March 3, 2008 9:07 PM

virgil, hell finish the story, is the game still at FP or did the Crows agree to move it?

As for shoes to bed, no it just seemed to be the only thing no-one had objections to.

I am grateful the Superman suit was not suggested for bedware, even I do not wear my undies on the outside.

Posted by: willow1059 at March 3, 2008 9:02 PM

If we do our maths correctly, it would probably take Marcus 7 weeks to find time to fit in a meeting. If he sends out 100 kisses a month then even at the rate of meeting one per day, it would actually take him 3 months to meet every one of them. So my maths suggests that he gets to meet at least 2 per day in order to meet each one by week 7. Maybe the rest of us are all doing it wrong.

Posted by: blueeyes1955 at March 3, 2008 8:58 PM

OMG ... I've sent almost exactly twice as many kisses as I've received ... does that make me desperate? And only 5 women have me listed in their favourites ... frankly I'm bl..dy heartbroken. Is there no hope for this bloke? Fish .... what do you rekon, you know everything even though I'm still waiting for your reply to my last question. Is this a conspiracy? Any theories? Who knows who?

Posted by: woodnwine at March 3, 2008 8:57 PM

...kaz....that's a very esoteric last line....

:>)

...J...

Posted by: weta at March 3, 2008 8:56 PM

you wear nothing to bed but shoes willow?

Maybe shoes indicate a need to get away quickly?

On a different matter, seems the AFL offered Adelaide some financial incentives to transfer Saturdays NAB Grand Final to Melbourne.

The hide of the AFL knows no bounds, just because Adelaide has the festival, Womadelaide and the cricket here on the same weekend, the AFL was thinking they wouldnt get a crowd.

Posted by: virgil at March 3, 2008 8:55 PM

7 weeks Marcus? That's how long it took her to get there to meet you? I suggest it would be easier for you to drive to the zoo.

Posted by: thelynathdiary at March 3, 2008 8:52 PM

Marcus - I wish I could find 100 women to send kisses to ... at least then I could live in hope. Maybe you are less selective than me .... my loss or yours? I wonder....

Posted by: woodnwine at March 3, 2008 8:52 PM

I wonder what someone else is eating tonight.

Posted by: woodnwine at March 3, 2008 8:50 PM

WnW 9:01AM, "Careful Willow ... you don't want to be mistaken for the man in black."

Are you kidding WnW, after what I have been dressed in during yesterdays blogs MiB seems tame. Even green yucky stuff cannot be worse than sleeping with frogs and other animals. I guess the good news is no-one proposed snails.

Posted by: willow1059 at March 3, 2008 8:50 PM

In the vein of someone else .... spag bog tonight but with capsium, mushrooms, sweet chili sauce & worchestershire sauce ... very yummy but unfortunately no one to share it with ... again. F .. it.

Posted by: woodnwine at March 3, 2008 8:49 PM

If MArcus sends a 100 per month then he needn't put any criteria down for what he is looking for as surely that many women don't fit his requirements.

Posted by: blueeyes1955 at March 3, 2008 8:46 PM

Willow, what are you willing to put up with for peace on a Monday night then......

Marcus, l think that the quicker communication is established the better really......
whether it be email or phone discussion doesn't really bother me though.....
I take it all in my stride and see what works best for me......

Are you saying that you have personally sent 100 kisses ?????

Out if curiosity what has ben your srtike rate??...................K

Posted by: auntykaz at March 3, 2008 8:45 PM

amdoingit, willow says hello before I forget then get chastised again.

Thankfully the topic has moved away from my night time attire now I have slept naked except for my shoes.

The things willow puts up with just to keep the peace on a sunday night.

Posted by: willow1059 at March 3, 2008 8:38 PM

hippest 12:35 "Ah virgil, glad to know RSVP treats us all with equal disdain. I had indeed copied/pasted after the first refusal, and on your advice will continue to."

It appears you have suffered the RSVP blogger yips like blueeyes.

That is one wicked profile you have, you do have a "grave sense of humour", nearly killed me laughing. Even weirder than willows I think.

Posted by: willow1059 at March 3, 2008 8:29 PM

Is a bloke who sends 100 kisses a month trying too hard?
Cheers Marcus

hmmm the word desperate comes to mind

Posted by: virgil at March 3, 2008 8:21 PM

Laughingman..I believe contact should be made reasonably soon. For me, emails are just an initial contact and to gauge a little of what makes the other tick. It's not always an accurate indication though as people can take till forever to get an email right plus the emails can be written by a 3rd party too. Believe me that has happened to me as some of you know. I like to talk on phone asap as it's so much easier when responses have to be spontaneous. If phone conversation flows and I feel comfortable then I like to meet asap. No point in continuing with the emails or phone if you don't feel right. Better to find out sooner rather than later. I've met a person as soon as 3 days after initial kiss and longest I've waited is 3 weeks. That's my take on it anyway but we are all different and what works for one doesn't work for another.. "G"...

Posted by: amdoingit at March 3, 2008 8:21 PM

Marcus, 100 kisses a month. Are there any women left you have not kissed.

Clearly I have not learned how to bat yet because I would not have sent half that in a year. No wonder I am still single!

Posted by: willow1059 at March 3, 2008 8:19 PM

kaz I agree Valentines Day is done and dusted, but I think we broke topic ages ago.

Since food is on topic at the moment I must say both the steak and steak sandwich sound great, especially if it is with the lot.

Too late for tonight so I shall ponder lunch tomorrow. A beef parmi, crumbed calimari, perhaps canneloni such as WnW had last night. No, meat ravioli with parmesan on top sounds great. I think an early lunch around 12 sounds good, my mouth is watering already.

Welcome back blueeyes, nice to see the willow fix worked for you.

Posted by: willow1059 at March 3, 2008 8:15 PM

Marcus, you aren't serious are you? Unless distance is the problem then I prefer to meet sooner than later. How do you know that the person you are emailing is really the same person you are going to meet? They could have a friend sitting there helping them write their emails. And yes, I found one of those sorts.

Posted by: blueeyes1955 at March 3, 2008 8:09 PM

Dream4 ever-are you reading the blogs? Lithgow is a long way away but your smile is radiating. Check him out local girls.

Posted by: blueeyes1955 at March 3, 2008 8:06 PM

Well do any of the female contributors want to suggest how to say hello (or not) to someone who is interested in them?
How long do the girls think is a reasonable waiting time before meeting after contact.
My most recent date was slightly taken aback when I mentioned that I had been patient to wait the 7 weeks or so.
Is a bloke who sends 100 kisses a month trying too hard?
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at March 3, 2008 8:00 PM

Timewarp, are you offering me a dinner out? pity you only live up the road in QLD. I might need more than my overnight bag for that visit.
Was having trouble blogging. For some reason, it wouldn't go straight to the post and was not appearing for over 15 hours. Willow was to the rescue and after trying a number of things it appears to be working. Must behave incase the gremlins get me again.
I told my almost 20m year old daughter she had to cook on Mondays -her day off. She only moved back home 2 weeks ago. She made me a steak sandwich. I guess I am grateful it wasn't baked beans on toast.

Posted by: blueeyes1955 at March 3, 2008 7:51 PM

Yummy dinner on the stove here too WnW, though a bit too warm to cook, kids require a meal in their belly and its my turn to cook tonight....
I hate it when its my turn to cook..........

Do we want to continually blog about Valentines Day though......
That was last month for goodness sake.........K

Posted by: auntykaz at March 3, 2008 7:43 PM

Blueeyes: Try what?

Cheap Monday steak dinner at a Club 2km up the road. Seeyez.

Posted by: timewarp1 at March 3, 2008 7:41 PM

WnW, since when has the topic stopped you or others. Just do what we always do, ignore it.

Back later.

Posted by: willow1059 at March 3, 2008 7:33 PM

Well, dinner's on the stove so I stop into the blogs for a while but nothing .... must be the lousy topic.

Posted by: woodnwine at March 3, 2008 7:29 PM

Willow says to try this 2-5 times so sorry everyone if you get sick of this.

Posted by: blueeyes1955 at March 3, 2008 7:22 PM

Marcus: Just back for a moment.

Certainly hadn't thought you'd give them anthropomorphic names - too affectionate - just mental handes like Bighead, Kinktail or such. How do you identify them in your head?

Delighted that they're used enough to you to let you handle them, and didn't know they enjoyed a scratch in appropriate places. Did you read where, or trial and error?

Rent to pay, so back to work.

Posted by: timewarp1 at March 3, 2008 4:05 PM

Timewarped
No names needed for lizards; they are just a handle.
They eat a wide variety of food, almost anything we will, though that is not always good. Live food like crickets grasshoppers and beetles, earthworms, larvae soft fruit, some flowers. They scavenge too and I feed mine the odd nestling/fledgling bird.
Loaf style cat food has almost all the nutrients they need so that is the usual once or twice a week protein fare.
I like 'em precisely because their behaviour is not an artefact of human interference like a dogs is. Mind you they like a behind the ear or a tummy rub the same as almost anything.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at March 3, 2008 2:48 PM

Hippest @ 1.19pm: Thank you. Raincheck filed in my glovebox.

Neck braces? Don't know about you. Guess it depends how many fellers you've emphatically said No to, by the time I get there. Coupla hundred, if you get the kisses you deserve.

Hope I won't need my neckbrace by then - I've tried to keep away from Madam Lash's whip, ever since I totalled my '85 323 wagon in '95, going to sleep at the wheel at midnight on my way home from work, and driving straight into the back of a parked truck.

Never again - now work from home. But have to head out now, to pick up from my welding subbie. Seeyez.

Posted by: timewarp1 at March 3, 2008 1:43 PM

Hippest: Good hunting, but he'll be a pretty classy act to deserve a place in your band.

Off to work again. Seeyezall.

Posted by: timewarp1 at March 3, 2008 1:28 PM

Marcus: What do you? And does she? And if so, what is it? Do tell!
(re mine @ 12.13pm)

Posted by: timewarp1 at March 3, 2008 1:24 PM

Ooh timewarp, missed your plea while typing. Conditions accepted - we could wear neckbraces if you think that would help.

And now I'm really off ... cheers

Posted by: survivalofthehippest at March 3, 2008 1:19 PM

PS to Hippest: Need long-duration, later-renounceable raincheck please - unlikely to get as far as N'castle this calendar year, unless I get significantly richer sooner.

But it's on my wish-list - like to meet a certain older gent too.

Posted by: timewarp1 at March 3, 2008 1:14 PM

... ahhh, the penny just dropped, Marcus!!

... they are part of your subjective sense of humour ... sorry to be so slow there!

Cheers!

Posted by: decoratress at March 3, 2008 1:14 PM

Having finally made it past the blog checkpoint to free-range posting I'm loathe to leave in case my visa is revoked. But I must go down the big smoke to meet a fella and be shyly demure. Quite possibly he'll think I'm awful or I'll think he's awful - or maybe not.

ttfn
(tata for now)

Posted by: survivalofthehippest at March 3, 2008 1:13 PM

Marcus...

I worded my post badly, I apologise.

When I said "huskies, which are not bred in Australia" I meant "those huskies which are not bred in Australia".

Of course they are bred here, although some people import dogs from Canada, etc., & these are the dogs who suffer the most in our climate. Huskies bred here have become somewhat adapted to the warmer climate, although I personally would not choose to own a breed suited to arctic conditions.

My comments referring to intelligent & lively debate simply queried whether the use of personal insults in your posts was constructive in some way that I'm missing....?

Posted by: decoratress at March 3, 2008 1:06 PM

Hippest @ 11.56am: Once they finally recognise your pleading voice, they come across sooner. Could they be female?

And many thanks for your very kind offer to share a local bilateral talking table with you, when I'm next passing.

May I take out a formal raincheck? My conditions are few: the talking table only requires also to be equipped with knives and forks, and a waiter to bring food now and then.

I find bilateral conversations tire me a lot faster than the usual kind. And soon make me hungry - all that tennis-watching-style head-turning, to let me speak laterally out of the side of my mouth, and then when necessary, head-rotate 150 degrees in an instant, to hear your reply with whichever ear is clocked on at the time.

And whichever ear is functioning that day, the need to make successive statements from alternate sides of the mouth is very tiring for the head-rotating muscles.

Couldn't we just have a conventional tete-a-tete, facing one another across the table? That would be a kindness to a slightly-wrinkly man who is more used to playing tennis than watching it from the umpire's couch.

Posted by: timewarp1 at March 3, 2008 12:59 PM

Bloke might be an Advanced Hair Studio client.
I thinks their looks are supposed to be shyly demure.
No rings in evidence so might be a speed date rather than pre nups.
MS

Posted by: laughsandtalks at March 3, 2008 12:45 PM

Ah virgil, glad to know RSVP treats us all with equal disdain. I had indeed copied/pasted after the first refusal, and on your advice will continue to.

The couple above ... she looks embarrassed, he looks amused. Not the best pic to choose to illustrate Leap-Year-Ladies Proposals methinks.

Posted by: survivalofthehippest at March 3, 2008 12:35 PM

By the way laughs......
Maybe the woman who cuts the balls off her dog because she didnt like the look of them should be publicly outed, like that woman from Brisbane who wears the black neck scarf?

That information will send chill up my spine for ages, just imagining what she might do to a lover if they had an arguement.

Posted by: virgil at March 3, 2008 12:32 PM

Its a good thing we dont keep on topic, see we get a useless topic like this that is kept open for ages, while a good, maybe even great topic (dating after a break up) got closed down after 1 day to put this heap of junk up

Posted by: virgil at March 3, 2008 12:26 PM

I think it was the Kinks who had a song called plastic man, back in the 60's

Of cours the guy looks so much worse than the woman. but thats probably cause she is side on.

Ohh Just get me a mirror, are your mcleans showing?

Posted by: virgil at March 3, 2008 12:23 PM

or maybe the picture could be called figjam

F*** I'm great, just ask me

Posted by: virgil at March 3, 2008 12:20 PM

Decoratress.
Thank you for the advice. I am here for the lively debate and intelligent discussion.
This is a moderated blog not a social or gossip forum and is broadly speaking concerned with human relationship issues which I like to discuss. If I take issue and question or offer a contrary point or perspective well that is the purpose of a debate surely. If I make a point it will be one that I have reasoned and can back up with logical argument.
Point about dogs that are not suited to a particular climate is that they suffer discomfort purely because of human vanity.
Dog varieties in the wild have adapted to suit prevailing conditions.
As for huskies not being bred in Australia. Rubbish. There are dozens of husky breeders here. I hope your wildlife research activities are conducted a bit more thoroughly and ethically ;-) than those on dogs.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at March 3, 2008 12:19 PM

by the way my vote for the name of the couple above would be Barbie & Ken as they look so plastic, and up themselves.

Posted by: virgil at March 3, 2008 12:18 PM

hey survival.....

It happens to all of us, the remedy is to select the entire post, click "copy" usually everytime is good, as we never know when the gremlins will cut us off, and if the system tells us to go away, as it often does, we just keep pasting until the gremlins are sick of us, and let the post through.

Posted by: virgil at March 3, 2008 12:16 PM

Marcus: I applaud your personal choice of pets.

Interesting to scientifically observe their social interactions and peck order, and as reptiles, they don't need keeping warm.

Just fed occasionally, and I also applaud your concern not to over-feed the dominent female. I expect you have to drop food simultaneously in several spots, to let the others get some, while she's busy with her lunch.

What do you feed them? And does she have a name? Love to know it.

But rather than having pets only to observe scientifically, some people prefer a pet they can share emotions, walks and ballgames with, and sometimes a settee.

"It make you boggle
how many doggle
can be laid
on a baid" - Ogden Nash.

88 floors above Melbourne (the views - wow!), I read among the interesting statistics about that city, that half the households there include at least one dog in their menagerie.

Interestingly, if we look at the African hunting dog instead of the wolf, they cope with hot desert days by having short coats, and with cold desert nights in the same week, by bedding down the pack together tightly round a tree.

During the night, when the outer-perimeter dogs get dangerously cold, the pack "boils." They climb over the others and burrow down between the pack and the tree, where it's warmer. This happens dog by dog a number of times per night, and allows them all to survive their cold camping night without beer OR wine, NF.

(When in Nasho and later as a scout leader, so did I, NF, but in both their tiny tents I would have preferred a peripheral blood-vessel dilator myself, but sadly verboten.)

Until disease etc decimates the dog pack - down below about 6, they are handicapped both in relay-race hunting, and in avoiding freezing to death at night. Observers have then seen the whole pack perish together.

Even in subtropical Brisvegas, empathic dog-owners do something about keeping their individual short-haired pets warm on winter nights.

The key word is empathic, Marcus legpuller.

Posted by: timewarp1 at March 3, 2008 12:13 PM

Well knock me down with a virtual feather, it worked!

Posted by: survivalofthehippest at March 3, 2008 12:04 PM

Timewarp, many thanks for your warm welcome last week. If you're ever down this way I'd be delighted to knock you back, but only after I've had the pleasure of a good few hours' bilateral tabletalk.

Woodnwine, thanks for yours as well. To answer your question, and you're not the first to ask it, "melted architecture" is a reversal of a much-quoted statement by US architect Frank Lloyd-Wright: "Architecture is frozen music". Obscure-ish I know, but I saw recently some bloke wrote "liquid architecture" in his music section - though he wasn't my type it was nice to know I'm not the only weirdo.

You must think me ill-mannered for not replying sooner. I tried, ut RSVP kept breaking its promise to display my post "when convenient". So many times, oh so many times. Now I am scarred, a broken woman. I don't feel I can ever trust a dating site blog again. Oh alright, maybe one more time, if this one hasn't closed as precipitously as the last. And if it's convenient.

Posted by: survivalofthehippest at March 3, 2008 11:56 AM

WnW...
Sadly, a sense of humour can't be bought- as with lightheartedness, a little Objectivity & a perception of The Bigger Picture, help.

Marcus...
Sometimes labelling a sense of humour 'black' is merely an excuse for sarcasm- sometimes it's used to excuse looking for laughs by belittling or insulting others.
Subjectivity is an insular thing, not taking into account, or allowing for, the realities of other people.

You say your humour is Subjective, & that you really enjoy it..
YAY!!!
But wouldn't a little Objectivity & Tolerance help more of us to laugh with you? Instead of taking offence at your personally insulting comments?

Posted by: decoratress at March 3, 2008 10:42 AM

Shades of Stephen Wright anyone? Actually I enjoy a dry sense of humour better than a childish one.

I agree with decoratress about dog's natural coats. I would aslo let my dog's coats grow longer but they would become terribly matted and knotted as I don't have sufficient time to groom them every day. However, growing their coats longer would not keep them warm due to the type of hair they have. I chose my dogs because they can live inside (as well as out) and not drop hair everywhere plus they don't smell. They simply are not suited to cold weather and need to be kept warm ... no, I can't just let them shiver. Would you let a person shiver in the hope it will actually warm them up?

I think we all do what is necessary to make our pets comfortable as we would our partners. (not that I'm comparing people to animals)

Posted by: woodnwine at March 3, 2008 10:30 AM

Marcus...

It's a fact of life that dogs have been purpose-bred for hundreds of years... from the abhorrent dog-fighting to domestic pets.

By necessity I've chosen a small dog this time around, & poodle crosses are generally excellent dogs- physically sound, intelligent, & with few behavioural problems.

If I "left the little blighter's coat intact" he would be distinctly uncomfortable in Australia's summer. His coat would become matted with seeds, requiring an hour's intervention each day (which neither the dog nor I would find comfortable).
Dogs with woolly coats need to be clipped in the summer, just as small dogs need coats in the winter. Huskies, for example, which are not bred in Australia, are uncomfortable in temperatures over 6degrees celsius. As I said, it's not rocket science.

However, if you do wish to discuss things scientifically, I hold Wildlife Research Permits from the Dpt of Sustainability&Environment, Victoria, & the Parks & Wildlife Commission, Northern Territory...
I'm very familiar with snakes & lizards, including water dragons- in fact I took an excellent close up photograph of one in the Botanic Gardens in Brisbane recently.

There are many people on this site who are well qualified to engage in intelligent debate. Academic discussion is always welcome, provided the participants are respectful & pleasant. Personal slurs are neither. Rather than promote lively d