RSVP Blog
DATING AFTER A BREAK-UP
Dating after a break-up is never easy, because there are so many emotions that you are facing: disappointment, rejection, anger, and depression, which can affect how you feel about someone new. What are some of the steps you can take to help getting back into the dating pool? How long does it take to be able to do that? Is there some sort of standard time that people should use as a guide after a break up?
Posted by February 27, 2008 8:47 AM
Latest Comments
Do I think there would be many potential punters? Unless there are a few lurking in the background I suspect not.
Posted by: abckenny at February 29, 2008 5:24 PM
OG, 72 hmm now that could be pushing the friendship! LOL LOL
Posted by: nevertearusapart at February 29, 2008 5:16 PM
I also work Sundays, and sometimes Saturdays. I'd be angling for a Thursday night. Do you think there would be many potential punters?
Posted by: hinterlandlover at February 29, 2008 5:15 PM
Hll Now that could be interesting..Depending on the timing of course.I would have gone to the Brisbane meet but unfortunately I work on Sundays.
Posted by: abckenny at February 29, 2008 5:12 PM
Yes Kenny,
The Gauntlets been thrown, money up or shut up. Good on you HLL
OG
Posted by: oldergent at February 29, 2008 5:06 PM
ABC: now that I have your attention ... would you be interested in participating in a bloggers meet for the [southern?] GC/NSW far north coast, after Easter??? venue? Bangalow, or further up your way??
Posted by: hinterlandlover at February 29, 2008 5:02 PM
This is becoming very boring. I am 58! I am most unlikely to appear in searches by men 48-57 as they are looking for women their junior ... Let's move on guys. It's been done to death already.
Posted by: hinterlandlover at February 29, 2008 4:54 PM
WnW,
I have seen her profile and pic's, in the venacular "she's a bonzer lookin sort", pity I am verticaly challenged and a bit over the hill or I might have been in with a chance.
Cheers OG
ps sorry about that love. lol
Posted by: oldergent at February 29, 2008 4:49 PM
"Perhaps I shouldn't have said 'laughed at'. 'Ignored' would have been more appropriate."
Posted by: hinterlandlover at February 29, 2008 4:32 PM
Sorry, I am still missing your point. why would you be ignored because of the age group you put in your ideal partner section? What age are you? That may put it all in perspective.
Posted by: woodnwine at February 29, 2008 4:38 PM
I don't know whether it is a case of women hating men or vice versa but rather that they just don't want to risk the emotional or financial hurt again and would rather not get involved ever again in a serious relationship. I know a couple of women who feel like that.
But in saying that, why would anyone put themselves on a dating site if that's the way they felt. The ladies that I know feel that way have no intention of putting themselves anywhere in case a man shows them unwanted attention.
Posted by: blueeyes1955 at February 29, 2008 4:36 PM
abckenny, I think that might be not over the hill so much as rigid in their outlook.
Cheers OG
Posted by: oldergent at February 29, 2008 4:35 PM
abckenny ... yes, I have also seen many women looking for younger men only (their privelage) and many, many, many professing that they are "young at heart" or "feel younger than their age" but when you read their profile you don't see any evidence, just their narcissistic self-appraisal. I think ... walk the walk, don't just talk the talk.
Posted by: woodnwine at February 29, 2008 4:35 PM
Perhaps I shouldn't have said 'laughed at'. 'Ignored' would have been more appropriate.
In my humble experience, men search for women their junior, so I would not appear in their searches. But as I said to TW earlier this week, I'm looking for a man who is open-minded about age [and other things], and am not prepared to lie about my age in order to be 'caught' in more searches.
Posted by: hinterlandlover at February 29, 2008 4:32 PM
Well put WnW.45- 54 is a preferred age not a requirement.
My comment was referring to women in their mid to late 40s stipulating that the guy must be younger than themselves because only women can be young at heart and once a guy passes 45 he must obviously be over the hill.
Posted by: abckenny at February 29, 2008 4:31 PM
hell ntua, make it 72 and you'd have old Bill and me applying, lol lol.
Cheers OG
Posted by: oldergent at February 29, 2008 4:31 PM
decoratest @405.
Thank you so much Oh enlightend one ( where the hell were you on that one Marcus, letting our side down LOL) I have asked so many people that one over the years and you are the first to tell me. Misandry/Misandrist. It has been written in my daily journal in caps. in answer to the question you pose. I have no idea, but can you explain to me why you can call a man "senile" and he takes no offence, but call a woman "anile" and they really spark up, and by golly I do like a good clean intelligent debate.
Cheers OG
Posted by: oldergent at February 29, 2008 4:28 PM
If the relationship ended then as much as it does hurt one has to realise that that person must not have been the right one for you or vice versa. So you might as well get out there again otherwise you could be missing the opportunity to meet your match. They won't find you by knocking door to door.Cinderella is only a fairytale.
Posted by: blueeyes1955 at February 29, 2008 4:22 PM
decoratress: love your profile. and great photos!
Posted by: hinterlandlover at February 29, 2008 4:21 PM
"but if I stipulated I was looking for a man 48-57 I would be laughed at ..."
Posted by: hinterlandlover at February 29, 2008 4:18 PM
why? Sorry, I don't understand.
Posted by: woodnwine at February 29, 2008 4:19 PM
"Are there more men who hate women than women who hate men?"
Posted by: decoratress at February 29, 2008 4:05 PM
decoratress ... I don't think so. Bearing in mind what some women have been through at the hands of men, I might even say the opposite is the case, which can make some women quite difficult to approach.
Ladies, don't blame us for what someone else may have done, please.
Posted by: woodnwine at February 29, 2008 4:18 PM
... but if I stipulated I was looking for a man 48-57 I would be laughed at ...
Posted by: hinterlandlover at February 29, 2008 4:18 PM
OG if I missed your welcome I do apologise and thank you for welcoming me :)
Nothing you have said has "got up my nose", I'm not that easily offended. We're all just offering "opinions" and each has a right to their own.
Cheers
Posted by: nevertearusapart at February 29, 2008 4:16 PM
"55 year old man looking for a woman 45-54. No woman over 54 could possibly be worth a look ..."
Posted by: hinterlandlover at February 29, 2008 4:05 PM
I think people should keep in mind that the description of the ideal partner is just that .... the ideal. Most people don't expect to get everything in their list, including age. I think on my profile I have women up to 52 but I often search for and reply to kisses from women above that age if they shared common interests. There has to be a cut-off point somewhere, unless you have 18-100, but it is not set in concrete ... well, not for me anyway, maybe for others?
Posted by: woodnwine at February 29, 2008 4:14 PM
ntua,
not a negative post, though I must admit I thought it would get up your nose a bit, (nice to see you thanked Malsie for the welcome and ignored mine). My youngest son met a woman 14 years older than him, and as a good and respectful son should, asked me for my opinion of the liason, my reply was that it was for the heart and head to supply answer, age had nothing to do with it. They married a couple of years ago, and it is disgusting to see how happy they are (not really), trusting this does not get up your nose, more make you open your eyes and heart.
Cheers OG
Posted by: oldergent at February 29, 2008 4:11 PM
Come now Hl you know that's not true.I did look
Posted by: abckenny at February 29, 2008 4:10 PM
"yes, it does seem to me that a lot of men want to get straight back onto the horse (so to speak) after a relationship break-up as a way to ease the pain and not face themselves. Not all men, naturally; probably the "needier" ones who are not very at home in themselves and need a woman to make themselves feel more whole.
But that's not to say I don't understand that compulsion - I tend to suffer from it myself a bit, and know that doesn't reflect too well on my own emotional maturity either."
Posted by: malsie at February 29, 2008 3:13 PM
Malsie ... I think, as soon as you can, get back on the horse. Once you have thought about what went wrong and are ready to move on, go for it ... otherwise you will just sit at home and mope. You can go over and over everything in your head for months or you can get out and meet new people.
istj ... I look forward to hearing from you or would you prefer me to find a way to contact you? This is not flirting, just saying hello.
Posted by: woodnwine at February 29, 2008 4:07 PM
OG @ 2.40...
The opposite of a misogyny is misandry.
A woman who hates men is a misandrist.
Few people have heard the word- it's not in common use....
I wonder why?
Are there more men who hate women than women who hate men?
Posted by: decoratress at February 29, 2008 4:05 PM
55 year old man looking for a woman 45-54. No woman over 54 could possibly be worth a look ...
Posted by: hinterlandlover at February 29, 2008 4:05 PM
Yes, that's so true picklessister, that's what I'm trying to say .... well put :-D
Posted by: nevertearusapart at February 29, 2008 4:01 PM
I prefer not to go out with someone shorter than me either :)
Posted by: picklessister at February 29, 2008 4:01 PM
I agree with ntua...its about having things in common..i dont see that i have things in common with someone more than 10 years older than me..or younger for that matter. We wouldnt even have listened to the same music..tv shows..advertising jingles....natural disasters...
Posted by: picklessister at February 29, 2008 3:59 PM
errr debate I mean
Posted by: nevertearusapart at February 29, 2008 3:59 PM
Hmm seems I'm not the only so called "bitter and twisted" one here LMAO. I really think at the end of the day we all know what age group of people we're most compatible with relationship wise. I do find it interesting that (some) men think it's perfectly ok to want a woman say 10 years younger but god forbid a woman want a younger man, or a man close to her age pmsl.
Ohh, gotta love a debat ;)
Posted by: nevertearusapart at February 29, 2008 3:56 PM
45 year old woman looking for a guy 30- 45.
Must be under 45 because I am young at heart.
Oh I see ....ANY guy over 45 couldn't possibly be young at heart? LMAO
Posted by: abckenny at February 29, 2008 3:44 PM
ntua, @2.40
Steady on Lass, you really are now sounding bitter and twisted, (does anyone know the opposite of misogonist ?) I have seen a few blissfull relationships with a greater disparity of age in both sexes, after all one of the catch cry's in these blogs is that age is just a number.
Cheers OG ......................................
Hmmm ok, I knew I would get at least one negative comment from that post! lol. I have friends of all different ages,always have, always will. However, I think it's fair to not want to have a relationship with a 60yo man don't you? After all, that would make him old enough to be my father, and what on earth would we have in common?? Also, I would like the posibility of children so clearly a man whose that much older than me isnt a good candidate for that.
By the way, I'm not bitter and twisted, just realistic, and yes I know what I want and what I'm attracted to, as I'm sure you do too OG. Each to their own I say.
Thanks for the warm welcome Malsie :)
Posted by: nevertearusapart at February 29, 2008 3:31 PM
Afternoon all, another blogger here who has been reading (think in blog terms its called lurking) rather than contributing much lately. Bought out of retirement by the word "player". Sadly too many of the RSVP guys fall in to this category, from this girls experience any way. Of course most bloggers exempt from this idea of mine.
I think there is a need for a"disillusioned" country not just a retreat at present.....oh the good old days when blogs were full of fun and laughter!!!
Interesting how the "age" issue constantly reappears....do some of us expect too much,and do we judge others too quickly???
The fact that it remains a constant issue is a little comforting ,as i often feel maybe it is just my perception that it can be a problem.
My profile is hidden at present as a result of high disillusioned levels here on south coast. Thought i should make that public so as I don't get jumped on for blogging while "invisible".
Posted by: dolphin46 at February 29, 2008 3:18 PM
That should have read
but do you realistically expect them to change their ways.? gremlins somewhere
Posted by: abckenny at February 29, 2008 3:17 PM
istj43 - flirting?? With whom - Wnw? Nah! Just joking about about how many times his post got posted!!!
amberlight, yes, it does seem to me that a lot of men want to get straight back onto the horse (so to speak) after a relationship break-up as a way to ease the pain and not face themselves. Not all men, naturally; probably the "needier" ones who are not very at home in themselves and need a woman to make themselves feel more whole.
But that's not to say I don't understand that compulsion - I tend to suffer from it myself a bit, and know that doesn't reflect too well on my own emotional maturity either.
And welcome, nevertearusapart - I enjoyed reading your posts and experiences.
Posted by: malsie at February 29, 2008 3:13 PM
Marcus, you know more about the situation than evidently anyone including myself.
Clever that!!!
Lynath, thanks for the info, had most of it onboard but didn't think it was worth the effort to impart...some just wanted to argue irrelevant points.
Wasn't it the sheik of Alburqurque NF??
Love the harem comment....rings a bell actually....one l like to ignore.............K
Posted by: auntykaz at February 29, 2008 3:11 PM
ntua, @2.40
Steady on Lass, you really are now sounding bitter and twisted, (does anyone know the opposite of misogonist ?) I have seen a few blissfull relationships with a greater disparity of age in both sexes, after all one of the catch cry's in these blogs is that age is just a number.
Cheers OG
Posted by: oldergent at February 29, 2008 3:04 PM
Or was it the sheik of Tweak?
A player of note well known around the world for his ability to ' bowl a maiden over or two ' but still they line up to catch him out.Why do you women keep falling for these jerks?
Obviously you are captured by their 'spin' but do you realistically expect them to ways.?
Posted by: abckenny at February 29, 2008 3:01 PM
I live in the country, so most people I know are married as well, so I know what that feels like!!. THere are a couple of single women I am friendly with, but I don't really have much in common with them as far as interests go.
Posted by: amberlight58 at February 29, 2008 3:00 PM
nevertearusapart..i hear you..well said.
Posted by: picklessister at February 29, 2008 2:56 PM
Have just gone through the posts since departing last night.
Marcus, @ 11.58, just supposition mate unless of course you have become a physic overnight, lol
lynath, it seems your science and logical response gob stopped him.
ssc, I fell into the trap of saying thanks but no thanks too quickly, stopped in time after a lady sent a kiss.she has a profile that I have looked at and would not have dared to send a kiss to, rsvp emails exchanged, private addresses also, now I have other kisses coming in, in all fairness I will remove my profile and not respond to the others, it is very obvious that most of them read the blogs so I will not offend them with a no thanks, they will read this and understand.
never tear ua/ I am new to rsvp and was getting very disspirited about the whole thing, no responses to my profile (well not many) then when I started blogging the hits on my latest 10 (RSViP feature) were amazing, so there are a whole lot of peepers out there that are apparently too shy or not condident of themselves to participate, OK if you cannot spell like most of us, ignore the pendants that critisise, that annoys the bejabbers out of them too. You will fit in well, and welcome
Cheers OG
Posted by: oldergent at February 29, 2008 2:55 PM
Just to follow on, gee I am rather verbose today aren't I! heh. I'm not "desperately seek Tom, Dick or Harry", as you say Amber, I don't 'need' a man as such but it would be lovely to have a partner, you know the 'right one for me'.
All my friends are either married (with or without kids), engaged or partnered so I'm in a situation where I'm seriously lacking single friends to go out and do things with. It would be lovely to meet some like minded men or women to broaden my social circle. I work from home also so that limits my "meeting people" ability.
Im sure there are others in this predicament?
Posted by: nevertearusapart at February 29, 2008 2:51 PM
amberlight@2:08pm Well my experience has been mixed I guess. I met a man through RSVP in January last year, we were together for 6 months. It didn't work for various reasons. I then met another man a few months later, he seemed genuinely interested, we saw each other severals times a week, spoke almost daily, etc etc. We were spending time really getting to know each other, and I was happy with that. We both took our profiles off RSVP (or so I thought so!). He introduced me to his friends, and I introduced him to mine. He would come to my house with flowers, champagne etc, was really nice, I thought 'hey here is a genuine guy'. We seemed to click. Ok, so he'd told me he was still hurting a bit from his past relationship (a long term one that had ended 12 mths prior), I understood that, and was happy to take things slowly as well. What I didn't realise was that he was basically using me to boost his ego whilst he continued to chat to another woman he'd met on RSVP and went onto get into a relationship with! Was I hurt? Damn straight I was. Where's the honesty?? So fast forward 6 months and I'm back here hoping someone will help me renew my faith in the male species lol. Amber, you say the men you're interested want someone like me??? Well, I'm here to tell them, I don't want them! lol. Seriously, why can't men date someone their own age? Why would I want a relationship with someone 10-12 years older than me? Hmm I have a feeling I'm going to get some "negative" feeback on that last comment haha. "I think it might have a lot to do with them: a) either seeing themselves as more attractive and a greater "catch" than they really are or b) wanting to prove to the world how young and virile they are!! Or maybe not wanting to be reminded of their own aging, you know the "gravity bit" that happens to all of us! And I'm sure that there are a lot of men out there (I'm not talking just about this site!) who are by themselves for a reason!!" I couldn't agree with you more Amber, honestly it does astound me how a 60yo man would think a woman my age would be interested in him?????? Just as how could I possible imagine someone 10-12yrs younger than me would be interested??Major inflated egos I think. Cheers
Posted by: nevertearusapart at February 29, 2008 2:40 PM
They are the narcissists, neuroticfish...best left ignored once you are onto their game.
I think it is the Sheik of Araby?
Posted by: istj54 at February 29, 2008 2:34 PM
I agree with isj54 - a "Player" is someone who deliberately sets out to woo, win, chew up and spit out.
Then there are the rubbish who set out to woo, win, chew, then add to their perpetual harem.
I suppose you don’t call them players, just Sheiks of Arabuque, or the Mormons of Internet Dating.
Posted by: neuroticfish at February 29, 2008 2:24 PM
I believed that what she said was a teasing flirt. OK, only to get a non-romantic penfriend, but still a flirt. Even in that case, I thought your response was a smack in the face to her, because it had put her into a lower class than the other person. Timewarp...
Yes, a teasing flirt and Michael knows full well that I am a flirt...but his reply...a smack in the face...absolutely not...he is a gentleman...a "gentle" man...and still is:))
Posted by: istj54 at February 29, 2008 2:18 PM
WnW @ 1.46: I am often wrong, and happy to be told. Otherwise I can get out of control and go over the top.
I believed that what she said was a teasing flirt. OK, only to get a non-romantic penfriend, but still a flirt. Even in that case, I thought your response was a smack in the face to her, because it had put her into a lower class than the other person.
I was empathically affronted on her behalf, and took you to task about it.
If I'd had stamps at the moment, I could have used "public praise but private blame" and roused on you in private. But I don't, till I get my 2 freebies on Monday. And I'm skint this week.
It couldn't wait till Monday, so I had to humiliate you in public. I can see from the self-justifying tone of your reply that it had hurt you. But no more than you would have hurt me, if I'd been JL.
Michael, you're one of the most gentlemanly men on this site, but you disappointed me today. I had to maintain my belief in you, somehow or other.
Off to work.
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 29, 2008 2:09 PM
Hi again, nevertearusapart,
Well, I've had a couple of "kisses" sent my way, and I responded positively, because that is the polite thing to do (I haven't been "game" enough to send any myself; the thought of rejection or even being thought "too forward" is terrifying - that old-fashioned thing again I suppose) they seemed quite nice and I thought that being courageous was worth acknowledging as I'm sure it's just as scary for men!! However, since then I've heard nothing - so I'm enjoying blogging anyway!!
To be honest I went on this site not expecting a lot. I'm not being negative but a lot of men close to my age are really looking for women like you!! Or a woman even younger. I think it might have a lot to do with them: a) either seeing themselves as more attractive and a greater "catch" than they really are or b) wanting to prove to the world how young and virile they are!! Or maybe not wanting to be reminded of their own aging, you know the "gravity bit" that happens to all of us! And I'm sure that there are a lot of men out there (I'm not talking just about this site!) who are by themselves for a reason!!
I'm not upset or insulted or even disappointed; that is just the way it is. No doubt it gets even worse as you get into your 50's and 60's (God forbid, your 70's!! But hell by then you've probably outlived most of them anyway!!)
I still have children living at home (mind you it would be nice to socalise with someone other than a teenager who thinks that as an adult you know nothing!!) so I am not "lonely" and once my youngest is a bit older, I would like to go to Uni and study Social Work or Law. So I don't "need" someone to love or to love me, but I guess it would be a bonus! One never knows what lies ahead, it could be a bus (nasty!) or it could be a lottery win or finding the love of your life!
How have you found things so far?
Posted by: amberlight58 at February 29, 2008 2:08 PM
Thanks for your response Timewarp. Yes you're probably right about "misplaced politeness". I do think a lot of people use the "started seeing someone" response instead of the "flattered, but no thanks" response because it's an easier, perhaps softer way out.
"They are too gutless to take it like a man, so they slink off into the night. Let them go, hopefully without a thought.
You deserve someone braver than that, to stand back to back with against the world when things get tough. Someone who'll protect your back, not run for cover and leave you to face the music alone."
I agree, and thank you :)
Posted by: nevertearusapart at February 29, 2008 2:01 PM
Michael,
No doubt mate, but you are still whatever age you might be....just leaving a better looking corpse!!!!
Regarding the more mature woman....you are preaching to the converted mate, I prefer woman in general (obviously there are exceptions) who are 40+; all the character of their lifes experiences makes them far more beautiful.
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at February 29, 2008 1:53 PM
Nevertear @ 12.25pm: I think a lot of it is misplaced politeness - not wanting to hurt your feelings by rejecting you.
I only send kisses to women I hope to meet. So when they say "just started seeing", I read that as maybe true - but far more likely they're too kind/polite to say "No way Jose! Rack off!" (Which ultra-couth RSVP words so politely.)
And remember that "started to see" (if it's the truth) is more likely to nosedive sometime soon, rather than soar forever. They might need you later.
So I wait till they're back on my screen, and then try again.
Sometimes it takes 3 kisses, 6 or 9 months apart, before they finally get honest with me, and tell me to get lost.
The ones who open up contact and then suddenly jump ship are totally different. With them, I believe it's their feelings they're trying to protect, not yours.
If they tell you they changed their mind, you could get cranky. Remember the old cliche : "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!"
They are too gutless to take it like a man, so they slink off into the night. Let them go, hopefully without a thought.
You deserve someone braver than that, to stand back to back with against the world when things get tough. Someone who'll protect your back, not run for cover and leave you to face the music alone.
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 29, 2008 1:48 PM
Don't worry Bill ... all's well that ends well. When you are talking about friendship you don't have to go through all that chauvanistic/must do things the right way stuff.
Posted by: woodnwine at February 29, 2008 1:46 PM
"Physical age is something that we cannot control, mental age is in the mind - we can live in misery at 20 and we can live in bliss at 90 - its all about attitude.
Bob"
Posted by: notgodsgift at February 29, 2008 1:37 PM
So right Bob about attitude ... spot on. However, I do think we can have some affect on our physical age too ... depending on how we look after our bodies. A bit of daily exercise does wonders. Some women I have met look better in their 40s than some I see at the local shopping centre in their 20s.
Posted by: woodnwine at February 29, 2008 1:43 PM
Virgil,
Re your 8.46am post on growing old.
The problem for a lot of people is that they may be young in years but have definitely grown old before their time.
My father once told me that I was no longer young enough to get up to the stuff I was doing then (and still do) - I was 40. My response to him (in all seriousness) was to tell him that if ever became like him, I would blow my brains out.
Physical age is something that we cannot control, mental age is in the mind - we can live in misery at 20 and we can live in bliss at 90 - its all about attitude.
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at February 29, 2008 1:37 PM
Hey there amberlight
Yes I have noticed some of the comments can get pretty personal, I've had steam coming out of my ears at some of the statements made!! haha. I enjoy a good discussion but don't think personal insults is in anway necessary! How is your experience with RSVP in general going??
Posted by: nevertearusapart at February 29, 2008 1:29 PM
Michael @ 1.12pm: Stingey B... Acknowledge her co-dependence (for not using a stamp on you, herself) and send her an email today.
I thought you were a gentleman, and she dropped her hanky right in front of you!
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 29, 2008 1:24 PM
Hey bm1960
Yep I'm a BIG Inxs fan, cried my eyes out the day Michael died! Never tear us apart is my absolute fave Inxs song, hence the profile name :)
Posted by: nevertearusapart at February 29, 2008 1:23 PM
Hi nevertearusapart....I just checked your profile too...had to see if you are an INXS fan! Never tear us apart is my favourite of their songs.
Cheers!
Posted by: bm1960 at February 29, 2008 1:18 PM
istj - most Melbourne bloggers ... Deborah for instance ... have my email address if you would care to get in touch.
Posted by: woodnwine at February 29, 2008 1:12 PM
Hi nevertearusapart,
I'm pretty new myself. It is quite a learning experience on the blogs. Some of the discussions, as you would have seen, are quite heated and can get quite personal. I'm sure people would never say some of the things they write, out in public among their friends, but I guess it's the anonymity of it all that makes people feel free to say whatever they like!
So far I think I've been lucky, (no personal attacks yet!!), but even if I was "attacked" I'd take it all with a pinch of salt really. What does it matter what someone else (frequently far away) thinks of you and your opinions? It is quite a bit of fun really,but there are a few "lads" on here who are aren't particularly enamoured of women, it's rather interesting to "read between the lines" and "hear" what they really think of us! (sorry I had to check first to see you were female!!)
Posted by: amberlight58 at February 29, 2008 1:03 PM
Timewarp, many thanks for your warm welcome yesterday at 3.39pm. If you're ever down this way I'd be delighted to knock you back, but only after I've had the pleasure of a good few hours' bilateral tabletalk.
Woodnwine, thanks for yours yesterday at 4.20pm. To answer your question, and you're not the first to ask it, "melted architecture" is a reversal of a much-quoted statement by US architect Frank Lloyd-Wright: "Architecture is frozen music". Obscure-ish I know, but I saw recently some bloke wrote "liquid architecture" in his music section - though he wasn't my type it was nice to see I'm not the only weirdo.
I'd like to say something on-topic, but really there's not much to say that hasn't already been said. How long before you look for love again? How long is a piece of string? I'll have to resort to popular song : Breaking up is hard to do even if there are fifty ways to leave your lover (fifty-two now we have email and SMS) so pick yourself up, dust yourself off (duration depends on how dusty you got) and start all over again.
Posted by: survivalofthehippest at February 29, 2008 12:38 PM
Hello there. I posted in the blogs for the first time 2 days ago, post didnt appear until 48hrs later so I'm wading in again! I've been reading some of the blogs and see some interesting discussions, alot of you seem to know each other but I hope you don't mind a 'newbie' joining in?? New to the blogs that is, not new to RSVP.
I guess I'll share my opinion on the actual topic 'dating after a break-up' first of all. Well I think it really depends on the relationship, the length of time and the depth of feelings. From what I've seen men and women seem to deal with break-ups in very different ways. Women tend to take time out, lick their wounds so to speak, talk about it with their friends, and grieve in general. Men seem to get out there and get involved with another woman asap. This is just from what I've seen so don't feel offended guys! haha.
As for RSVP in general, well I have to be honest in saying I'm feeling a bit disenchanted about the whole experience. Yes, I've seen "success stories", in fact my best friend met her fiance through here, and another friend met her hubby. So I know it can work, for some.
I'm starting to wonder if there really is a man out there for me who is kind, caring, attractive (to me), deeper than a puddle, who wants a relationship and not just a bonk!! As for receiving kisses from people who clearly haven't even read my profile, men who are old enough to be my father, I even received a kiss from a 19yo last night!???
I'm finding the men that I find interesting and think we have things in common, send them a kiss, and the response is generally "corresponding with someone elsse" or just a no. As for the "corresponding with someone else" or option, I've always hidden my profile if I'm meeting/getting to know someone else. I don't see the point in having your profile still up if you're not interested in people wanting to get to know you?? Maybe that's just me, hmmm,
Another thing I just find amazing is when people's photos are over 10 years old!! haha, I've met men I didn't even recognise because their photo was so old, they looked completely different.
Oh dear, I'm sounding very cynical here! I'm really a pretty positive sort of person actually, but I guess this whole process is wearing me down a bit .....
Oh yeah, another thing I just love is when someone says "looking forward to your email" ... I recently had that from one person on here, I emailed him, he emailed me right back and I mean within 10 mins!! I responded and he's just disappeared into the wild blue yonder now! ha. I dont know, call me old fashioned, but would it hurt to send an email saying "Ive met someone else" or "Im not interested" or whatever???
Ok, I'm sounding more cynical by the minute! lol. Ooops. Ah well, I guess we all need a vent from time to time.
Anyway, it's nice to be here on the blogs, and I look forward to some interesting discussions :)
Posted by: nevertearusapart at February 29, 2008 12:25 PM
Aliane: If you go away from the blogs, we will miss you very much.
Malsie said it for all of us: "I've enjoyed reading your poetic, caring and sensitive posts" We all have.
If your main disappointments have come from using RSVP for dating, but you have enjoyed talking with your friends on the blogs, why not hide your profile for a while, (only takes one mouse click on your home page, and is reversible with one click.) And keep on reading the blogs, and sometimes post us a letter there, if and when you feel like it?
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 29, 2008 11:37 AM
That would be a good thing for Aliane to do, Timewarp, and you are right about expecting too much from one person
Posted by: amberlight58 at February 29, 2008 11:47 AM
Aliane: If you go away from the blogs, we will miss you very much.
Malsie said it for all of us: "I've enjoyed reading your poetic, caring and sensitive posts" We all have.
If your main disappointments have come from using RSVP for dating, but you have enjoyed talking with your friends on the blogs, why not hide your profile for a while, (only takes one mouse click on your home page, and is reversible with one click.) And keep on reading the blogs, and sometimes post us a letter there, if and when you feel like it?
A lot of people do that. Such as people who are now in a relationship, but know how important it is to keep in touch with their friends - including their blog friends.
And their friends are glad that they have not foolishly abandoned them and totally disappeared into a relationship.
That puts too much pressure on the relationship: your partner now has to supply what you used to get from your friends, and that's too much togetherness for most men. and many women.
And remember - use what people say to everyone, as a predictor of how they would treat their special friend.
If someone is argumentative in public as a way of life, and enjoys putting people down in public, keep your distance. They are abusers by nature, and if they trap you they will hurt you. Just to make their lives more interesting, that moment.
At christmastime I had some stamps expiring, and used them to contact bloggers that I admired. I'm so glad I did.
If you used one of your remaining stamps to get my real email adress, it wouldn't be wasted - I would be honoured.
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 29, 2008 11:37 AM
Malsie, I think you're right in your comment that "Lots of people also seem to like to go straight onto someone new as a way to ease the pain, I suppose."
But that is really only a short-term option, don't you think? Grief is one of those things that has to be dealt otherwise it will just be sitting there in the background and will rise to the surface when we least expect it or want it too. People often have mental breakdowns years later because they have never dealth with their anger and grief (and isn't that what grief involves, a large degree of anger?) I left my husband after 24 years together nearly 3 years ago, but I have only really got over the grief, anger and sadness in the last 8-12 months. Whereas my ex-husband "got straight back into it" as they say. (maybe he didn't care anyway? He certainly didn't seem to when we went through several months of counselling) According to our kids, he was desperate to marry one lady he went out with for a few months; but she had only recently lost her husband (he died unexpectedly and suddenly) and perhaps realised herself she needed time and that re-partnering too soon could be a serious mistake.
Who knows, all I know is that I certainly wasn't ready for a new relationship 6 months ago; whether I am now I guess I will only know if I actually meet somone. I don't really expect to find someone on this site, though. I suspect there are a lot of people here to "show" previous partners (is that what the "Top 100" is all about?) or are really looking for someone for sex only which is not me at all! (I'm a bit old-fashioned I'm afraid) But hey, if you don't try it you'll never know.
Posted by: amberlight58 at February 29, 2008 11:28 AM
...alas, alak, not with me...WnW, Aliane is not deaf...and Malsie, are you flirting?
Posted by: istj54 at February 29, 2008 11:26 AM
Hi, WnW - so I gather you're always happy to make new friends then? :)
Posted by: malsie at February 29, 2008 11:20 AM
Wow!!! How did that happen? Bizarre!
Posted by: woodnwine at February 29, 2008 11:11 AM
Hi alaine - I am always happy to make new friends and would welcome an email from you or perhaps someone you already know, already knows how to get in touch with me. I am in contact with or know how to contact most regular bloggers. There is a fairly big community of RSVP friends out their. I hope you enjoy your break and you would always be welcome to drop back in and say Hi any time.
Posted by: woodnwine at February 29, 2008 11:10 AM
Hi alaine - I am always happy to make new friends and would welcome an email from you or perhaps someone you already know, already knows how to get in touch with me. I am in contact with or know how to contact most regular bloggers. There is a fairly big community of RSVP friends out their. I hope you enjoy your break and you would always be welcome to drop back in and say Hi any time.
Posted by: woodnwine at February 29, 2008 11:09 AM
Hi alaine - I am always happy to make new friends and would welcome an email from you or perhaps someone you already know, already knows how to get in touch with me. I am in contact with or know how to contact most regular bloggers. There is a fairly big community of RSVP friends out their. I hope you enjoy your break and you would always be welcome to drop back in and say Hi any time.
Posted by: woodnwine at February 29, 2008 11:09 AM
Hi alaine - I am always happy to make new friends and would welcome an email from you or perhaps someone you already know, already knows how to get in touch with me. I am in contact with or know how to contact most regular bloggers. There is a fairly big community of RSVP friends out their. I hope you enjoy your break and you would always be welcome to drop back in and say Hi any time.
Posted by: woodnwine at February 29, 2008 11:08 AM
Willow/Silky Oak,
I am so disappointed!! You really need to spend less time...... "Overwhelmed by this unimaginable force I submitted myself meekly to the passion, as lust became dominant in my thoughts seeking expression in a way unknown to me since my early adulthoodand" ("...unknown to me since my early adulthood"?! Yeah, right!!)......and get out more!!
Posted by: amberlight58 at February 29, 2008 10:55 AM
skyblu1, I think what is a "suitable time" to move on relationship-wise will be very much an individual thing - not a prescribed time that people should adhere to. I've read a few comments here suggesting some time alone to reflect on things, to "re-find" yourself is important.
Perhaps the length of time of the relationship will influence how long a break you'll need afterwards. Also how upsetting the break-up was too I should imagine would come into it - time to regain trust in the opposite sex, that sort of thing.
Lots of people also seem to like to go straight onto someone new as a way to ease the pain, I suppose.
Unfortunately, I believe I'm in that camp myself. I don't think it's a very good coping strategy, however, and will try and fight it myself and take some time to be alone for a while.
Posted by: malsie at February 29, 2008 10:55 AM
Knew of one man who would leave his room at night, walk over to the Dementia unit where his wife was, shut the door behind him and come out about a half hour later...leaving the staff to then get his wife back into her nightwear and settle her down.....
Posted by: auntykaz at February 28, 2008 5:11 PM
After all he has only been married to her for 60 years and loves her so much he cries himself to sleep after he sees her.
Posted by: laughsandtalks at February 28, 2008 11:58 PM
Marcus!! And I thought you were a cold, hard facts man!! Where did it say that that man cried himself to sleep?
And sorry, but if the man was such a devoted and caring person, who loved his wife so much, why would he leave it to the staff to get his wife back into her nightwear? Wouldn't he want to spare her that indignity? And wouldn't he want be the one to soothe her and calm her down afterwards?
You are letting yourself down, Man!! Being subjective instead of objective? Breaking your own rules? Goodness, next thing we may begin to think you have a heart! "he cries himself to sleep after he sees her...." (oh sorry, of course, you were viewing this from a MAN'S perspective!!)
Posted by: thelynathdiary at February 29, 2008 12:17 AM
Exactly Lynath, you outlined perfectly what the concerns and issues should be.
And Marcus, only a man would think that the amount of sperm they produce is of interest to anybody! Anyway as in most things in life, isn't it the quality NOT the quantity that matters?
Posted by: amberlight58 at February 29, 2008 10:44 AM
For me it all boils down to honesty. I realise that not everyone is comfortable in exposing himself or herself to another. I was in a relationship for 5 years and I know just as little about that person at the end of it as I did at the beginning but in return, I exposed my inner soul. When it comes to Internet dating, we are limited by the site in how much we can say about ourselves and who we are looking for. Photos rarely portray the real person through bad posing, bad camera techniques or old photos. Long exchanges of emails are counterproductive for it gives one too long to form an imaginary perception of the other person which is seldom what they are really like. Telephone calls before meeting, while being important, also allow images to be formed based on the voice, again quite different to reality. Therefore, it is best to meet ASAP for as long as you both feel comfortable, even a couple of dates, then you are better place to make that choice. If it is not what you expected then need to move on. That is not serial dating; it is just taking things from the electronic to the real world ASAP to avoid the disappointment of broken false expectations developed over time. But one you have met someone and the attraction is mutual, then remove your profile, devote your time to building the relationship and give it all you have got...but it has to be a mutual process as you will not achieve it on your own.
That�s my bit for today, BTW my first posting. Omzigotte
Posted by: omzigotte at February 29, 2008 10:38 AM
aliane, sorry to hear you have had some negative experiences that are leading you to leave. There are some lovely, genuine people who blog here, and others whose motives I really don't understand either. It would be a shame if you left because of them, but if you do, I wish you well.
I've enjoyed reading your poetic, caring and sensitive posts - lots of love and happiness to you :)
Posted by: malsie at February 29, 2008 10:36 AM
Aliane and Txxx...I have left totally twice now and that is a reason for my name changes...not being a multiple personality...It is good to take breaks.
It refreshes your outlook and gives you time to work out what you really want from life...if we ever do, as it seems to be a dynamic process...I am still here at the moment because I am working on the philosophy that we don't know what is around the corner and we need to be there, or here, to see:))
But, good luck Aliane...I think you have been burned by the negative aspects of internet dating where we puit our own expectations and perceptions onto someone we have never even met. That is the dangerous side of being here and is why it is best to meet people quickly to decide if they could be right for us.
Posted by: istj54 at February 29, 2008 10:05 AM
After being rejected by a "player" you can feel silly, used, made a fool of, vulnerable, not quite good enough...lots of things that are not good.
However, we need to know that we are still the same wonderful, together people we were before the experience and that it is them not us. I think if you have been had by a player and know it you don't need to wait the time to grieve etc...just get back out there and meet some new friends.
Imanenigma, it was good to see you back for a very short visit...I have written similar stuff about the interest levels but am now trying to discuss more stuff that comes up. Actually, if you think about it, we have been discussing some quite interesting topics...the paranormal, sex in the eighties(so to speak), breakups, grief, sport...lots of stuff...so if all the lurkers would just jump in with one post these blogs would become far more interesting place again...and for those offended by Marcus...he is just giving a different slant on the topic which can be either ignored or discussed...I think you only have to post a couple of times to become an instant blogger...give it a try:))
Virgil...your date sounds divine...I saw her on the tv a few days ago...used to think I was the Dancing Queen...and sometimes still do:))
Posted by: istj54 at February 29, 2008 9:57 AM
Aliane...
I've enjoyed your posts, always..
You are going to leave rsvp?
I'm not the one to try & dissuade you, being on the point of making the same decision myself, but whatever you do.. I wish you love, peace, good fortune & happiness.
Your spirit has shone through everything you've written, & I'm not surprised you have made some friendships which will last after rsvp! Stay true to your heart, & never give up your hopes & dreams.
Txxx
Posted by: decoratress at February 29, 2008 9:50 AM
I agree with isj54 - a "Player" is someone who deliberately sets out to woo, win, chew up and spit out, knowing full well there is a short "use by" date. Leave a lot of hurt and broken hearts in their wake, and seem to have no remorse or guilt for doing so, so long as they had "fun".
Breaking up with someone after 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months, or 3 years doesn't make someone a "Player" - it takes time to really get to know each other, and if you find you are incompatible, even tho both of your intentions were good, then there can be no blame assigned to moving on to where you better belong.
Posted by: riversong1 at February 29, 2008 9:32 AM
istj - I think it comes down to commitment. There are surely many nice people on RSVP who date with good intentions but when it comes to the crunch they can't commit to a relationship (for various reasons) so they just move on to the next one and repeat the same process over and over again. These people could be referred to as players but maybe it is not their intention to be?
Posted by: woodnwine at February 29, 2008 9:17 AM
": ))))))))))) WnW, it can happen, you can just meet someone you click with, when you stop trying !!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at February 29, 2008 1:28 AM
slightsync .... no, we're not going to meet anyone sitting at home watching TV. I think you have to be pro-active and get out there and then you will find someone .... without stressing about it of course.
Posted by: woodnwine at February 29, 2008 8:59 AM
"I'm still here (sadly), I dont bother reading or posting, so this is a novelty having seen the question in sidebar of homepage, but basically I'm over it!!! Repetition and predictability will do it to me everytime!! The odd fruitcake doesn't help the cause, either. Will pop in from time to time, just in case I miss the meaning of life or something. Surprise me!"
Posted by: imanenigma at February 28, 2008 10:33 PM
Have to agree ... there's not much to get your teeth into or to have fun with on the blogs these days and it is hard sometimes to maintain an interest. Better topics would certainly help.
Posted by: woodnwine at February 29, 2008 8:52 AM
Early in the day, yesterday, I mentioned villages for the over 45s that had places for all sorts of physical acitivities, squash, swimming, tennis etc. I thought that sounded good. I remembered "MY Generation" by the Who, where Peter Townshend wrote "I hope I die before I get old"
The discussion that followed reinforces Neil Young "Its better to burn out than it is to rust" .
Posted by: virgil at February 29, 2008 8:46 AM
Thanks Marcus.
Lynath has made some very good points, in how are they together during the day? There may be adult children who visit, some insight may be gained from their kids questioning the parents ( a bit tacky, I know, but I cant get over the statement that the wife was seen to be in an agitated state, a bad place).
After consensual sex, that presumably they may have both enjoyed, I would have thought if the wife enjoyed it,surely there might have been at least some evidence to suggest that.
It would be worth investgating the cause of the agitation, was it the visit by the husband, or was it that he had to leave?
I feel that the staff would usually be caring and respectful of their patients, and most likely be equipped with more intimate knowledge of the true nature of what is happening.
Posted by: virgil at February 29, 2008 8:34 AM
Slightsync @ 1.28am: Agreed. You can stop seaching, and then happen to meet someone suitable. But you mightn't stumble over them by accident. Ever.
So I'm trying to help my chances by keeping looking.
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 29, 2008 2:18 AM
Marquise @ 12.37am:
You have a valid question there. How do you enliven a discussion? Three ways I know:
1) If the topic's a worthwhile one, suddenly add some interesting and preferably very different extra info, as NF often does and you sometimes do; compare 2 previous posts, or make a transitional summary to tidy up the loose ends, so someone can take the topic further, often in a new direction.
2) If the topic's overdue for burial, suggest another one. NF is very good at that.
3) If you have a restless intelligence, and especially if you believe you know it all already, you'll be much more interested in going for the player, rather than keeping the ball in play.
Making somebody feel uncomfortable, rather than progressing the discussion.
The most innocuous way I know is to play continuous "Yes, but" at every round.
And if you're lazy as well as an idle troublemaker, rather than going to the trouble of thinking up valid counter-arguments, you can just insult the other players, preferably one by one, like the fotographer wnen on the turps.
I reckon that's just doing what you're doing in your hidden photo, and were talking about at the bottom of your post.
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 29, 2008 2:06 AM
I'm just wondering how many people you have to meet before you find someone you click with immediately. What are the odds? Maybe it's just luck ... who knows but it does take a lot of strength of character to keep trying sometimes. One of the problems these days seems to be political correctness ... or is that just me?
Then when you have met someone you really click with, how does that affect your odds of meeting another? This is always a thought when moving on after a relationship break-up.
Virgil ... tend to agree with you that complacency can set in after a while.
Posted by: woodnwine at February 27, 2008 4:19 PM
: ))))))))))) WnW, it can happen, you can just meet someone you click with, when you stop trying !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at February 29, 2008 1:28 AM
Sorry amber for the very long wait, the name of Willows 2nd date is Agnetha from ABBA.
Posted by: willow1059 at February 29, 2008 1:20 AM
laughsandtalks...
So you are over-qualified in grossness as well as rudeness.
well...
who would have thought it?
Posted by: decoratress at February 29, 2008 1:03 AM
Timewarp.
I think I read Berne's book you mention in 1970. It is still on one of the shelves at the folks.
How are we supposed to invigorate topics here? All agree? Or perhaps use your tea leaf divining method to give us guidance.
Thanks for the thoughts on whale v human intromission. I think our sperm are being resorbed and replaced though. Otherwise a billy goat like you would have nuts like, I dunno, coconuts. Not sure how the size of your partner affects the squirt quantity. I know the level of arousal can affect the force and velocity. Would see 15 cc a good effort and a mess if it was on your hand ;-). I thought the Caucasian average was about 8.
Cheers Marquis
Posted by: laughsandtalks at February 29, 2008 12:37 AM
Residential facilities are now being built with couples in mind. Many already have married couples rooms, or at the very least adjoining rooms with an interconnecting door and most have their own ensuites.
Maintaining marital relationships is recognised as important and privacy is respected.
It is not unknown for health providers to secure "professional services" in certain situations.
In the case of Kaz's lady with Dementia the problems identified are to do with Duty of Care, Incompetency to make own decisions due to disease, Elder Abuse and whether or not ths is a form of Abuse, Privacy and Confidentiality , Marriage, and the husbands own rights to Privacy.
The Alzheimer's Association is an excellent resource for guidance on these matters. They are experts in sorting out the answers and the solutions. There are also Elder Abuse programs who can guide you but they may be a bit zealous in the first instance since reporting is mandatory.You may need to make general inquiries at first if there is no consent to discuss individual health matters available.
I would be getting answers to a few questions such as
What is the husbands own mental state? Does he lackinsight or have cognitive impairment himself?
Does a meaningful relationship still exist during the day?
What is her reaction to him during the day? Is she fearful? Does seeing him set of a catastrophic reaction of any kind? Or does he calm her and cause her to experience a sense of security and wellbeing? Even if she can't expres this in words, look for the actions and responses.
Is she capable of reacting negatively to his advances if she doesn't like them? eg screaming for help or having an arguement? Is she medicated ,especially at night in a way that would prevent her reacting?
How does he treat her? Does he spend time with her? How does he react to other women in the facility?
If you think the relationship is abuse then you can try taking the least confronting and upsetting way to solve the problem.
You could try talking to him about it or having her doctor talk to him.
You could have her moved to a less private room(if they are not all single rooms)
You can talk to her family or guardian if she has one.
You can apply to VCAT for a lifestyle decision and have her moved to another facility if the situation is not resolving satisfactorily, although that would be an extreme measure.
Posted by: thelynathdiary at February 29, 2008 12:17 AM
Virgil Re the 'senior intimacy' incident.
Auntykaz has back pedalled on her assertions and admits that her reading of the situation was subjective and now she doesnt care.
The other girly girls have reacted semi hysterically assuming a major negative, a substantial violation with no evidence. Well entrenched and rehearsed femmo. reaction suffises here; decry the male and strip the bloke of his rights and pronounce him a marital rapist. After all he has only been married to her for 60 years and loves her so much he cries himself to sleep after he sees her. They may have made a lovers pact and it may be in her will. I would assume that the people actually incharge are best placed to asses the situation and may have decided that it is beneficial despite Auntykaz deciding that because she needed to be 'settled down' it was a problem. I had a lover who would cry her eyes out when she came so heightened were here feeelings.
Cheers Marcus
Posted by: laughsandtalks at February 28, 2008 11:58 PM
How late do I have to stay up to hear the rest of Willow's story. A good story needs a good ending
Posted by: blueeyes1955 at February 28, 2008 11:24 PM
The great thing about Silky Oak is the quality of its wood, really got a lovely grain and smooth to touch.
Posted by: skyeblu1 at February 28, 2008 11:21 PM
Amberlight.
Willows and poplars are a big time feral plant problem. There is a lot of effort put into eradicating them from waterways around Melbourne. One good reason for this is there roots are so dense they prevent platypus from burrowing and thus inhabiting otherwise suitable places.
The Silky oak is a big Grevillea and an excellent, tidy native bird attracting species.
Another good native one is the weeping Willow myrtle- Agonis.
Cheers Marcus
Posted by: laughsandtalks at February 28, 2008 11:19 PM
So no one has really addressed the subject. What do other poeople do in the break up situation? What is an acceptable timeframe?
Posted by: skyeblu1 at February 28, 2008 11:18 PM
Sadly, I will have to depart without you ever revealing the name of your Princess, Willow as I am getting older by the minute!! (Although I have a horrible feeling that I know where this is going......)
Posted by: amberlight58 at February 28, 2008 11:06 PM
Sorry too late!! Just fainted from holding my breath too long!!
Posted by: amberlight58 at February 28, 2008 10:58 PM
We await with baited breath........
Posted by: amberlight58 at February 28, 2008 10:49 PM
This is the story of Willows second date with his princess.
What can I tell you?
Well, she is Swedish, has a voice to dream about and can sing the most beautiful songs. She has blue eyes that entice you towards her, seeking to engage you in a spell not easily broken and she is not overly tall, a comfortable height for Willow.
We sat down to dinner at Willows place, a real dinner not a Willow virtual special. But the menu was the same, filet mignion with all the trappings. Of course, as a respectable gentleman I remained fully clothed unlike at the virtual dinner.
With my spirits lifted by the glamorous company with me on this evening, I ate heartily devouring the meal with a vigour not commonly associated with me. All the while just admiring her beauty, nearly speechless I must say to my great embarrassment.
She sang to me for what seemed like an hour, they were the most romantic songs about love past and present and even money. Her dulcet tones rich and soothing with a timbre any professional would envy.
I found myself cast away laying peacefully on the surface of my mind made life raft, my heart rising and falling with each change in pitch and beat as her mellow words struck my chest. I could feel her presence through her voice with words formed by the blending of past loves, broken spirit and future hope and desires. Knowing this I entered her world willingly to be swept up by the tidal wave of emotion being expressed.
Overwhelmed by this unimaginable force I submitted myself meekly to the passion, as lust became dominant in my thoughts seeking expression in a way unknown to me since my early adulthood.
Not long after the last song we had completed the main course of which she ate none, for I think she was dieting for me and distracting herself with song. A good friend rang so I told him about her and the names of the songs. Being a music buff he asked me if she was a good C-D. I said no, I would rate her A+. He said again more firmly, no Willow was it a good CD. Ah, now more aware I realised he wanted to know her bra size, sheepishly I replied that I had not asked but I guessed at perhaps C.
As with all good stories this must end now before the RSVP editor says enough.
Did you want to know her name?
Posted by: willow1059 at February 28, 2008 10:45 PM
Excellent amber, since you have chosen so well I shall find a Willow story for you.
Posted by: willow1059 at February 28, 2008 10:42 PM
Of course!! They grow to be a very tall tree indeed!
Posted by: amberlight58 at February 28, 2008 10:40 PM
A Silky Oak sounds good, do they have roots?
Posted by: willow1059 at February 28, 2008 10:38 PM
I'm still here (sadly), I dont bother reading or posting, so this is a novelty having seen the question in sidebar of homepage, but basically I'm over it!!! Repetition and predictability will do it to me everytime!! The odd fruitcake doesn't help the cause, either. Will pop in from time to time, just in case I miss the meaning of life or something. Surprise me!
Posted by: imanenigma at February 28, 2008 10:33 PM
Sadly willows are a little out of fashion these days, the Green movement accuses them of being a feral species........
What about going Native?
A bloodwood perhaps?
A Silky Oak?
Posted by: amberlight58 at February 28, 2008 10:31 PM
willow1059..just be yourself Willow..perfect!!
Posted by: pixiemagic at February 28, 2008 10:30 PM
hi virgil have been on blog for close to a month now. and i want to thank you and its great to meet you anyway. i have been looking at blogs most times and the other days you guys mentioned what wasnt great on tv .and i had my thoughts to itand to me theres not really much worth on tv these days . these days pay tv is really an expansive progrem to watch just show the same programs over and over take care stone cold3
Posted by: stonecold3 at February 28, 2008 10:30 PM
naughtyfish @ 8.30pm: Eric Berne in his awareness-expanding book "Games People Play" makes a distinction between "Pastimes" which are specific relatively-innocent verbal contexts for people to share a bit of emotion and togetherness, and "Games" which are destructive 2 or 3-handed contests, designed to avoid emotional intimacy, and replace it with psychological warfare.
They all have the colloqual names that his workshops originally came up with.
Marcus for 95% of the time, and you, more often than not, are amusing yourselves with the pastime of "Yes but ..."
This involves anyone at all saying anything at all, and you or Marcus automatically disagreeing, whoever's clocked on at the time. Just for the sake of an argument, any argument.
I find it all rather negative and boring, and would far rather play "Yes, and furthermore," (a pastime that Berne didn't have in his list, because all his clients had emotional shortcomings. That's why they were going to his therapy groups ...)
Back to your post, naughtyfish:
"How much (free) “girlfriend nookie” have you scored this year?"
Some, but not much. Far too little. You, NF?
"Come clean now." You too, NF.
"There is no material difference between spending $200 on a restaurant meal and $200 on someone who actually delivers the goods in a professional manner."
I'm into barter, NF. I reckon she's going to enjoy it at least as much as I do, and guaranteed more often. But I don't charge, and nor does she.
We're friends, right, not a contractor and a client who has to buy it, because he hasn't got what it takes to earn it. Which was the argument of my previous post.
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 28, 2008 10:21 PM
pixie, Willow is still around. Just a bit busy chasing balls, lifting metal thingys, getting wet, being assaulted by young children and working.
No, I haven't found anyone to love a Willow yet, perhaps I should change species to a what .... any suggestions?
Posted by: willow1059 at February 28, 2008 10:18 PM
Oh Well!! Look on the bright side! I suppose it's one way of finding out who the misogynists in "nice men's clothing" are!
Posted by: amberlight58 at February 28, 2008 10:16 PM
Hi there seejaye..yes you make a good case..it can get a bit wild in here at times..you soon learn who to ignore cos they are just trying to wind you up...and who to chat with.
Barbara, dont stress, it was good to hear a new voice (or maybe i havent been around enough to have heard you before).
Kenny, as a NZer and a non-pig-sheep shagger i hope your joke gets censored over night..
Posted by: picklessister at February 28, 2008 10:09 PM
Hello seejaye....you have very kind sentiments and I agree with them...however, I allowed myself to become embroiled in a silly discussion earlier this afternoon.....will be more discerning next time! Bed time for me now so I wish you all a good nights sleep.
Cheers,
Barbara
Posted by: bm1960 at February 28, 2008 10:02 PM
istj54..Where is our old friend the fotographer...and all those other lost bloggers..FP..Weta..Imanenigma...Willow...Seraphsuzie...and all the others who used to blog??? Are they all dating, or no longer have a need to write?
I think you will find that some certainly are dating and moved on...others probably still observe the blogs but dont participate and others have been flogged to death by some blogger bullies so they chose to move off the blog site altogether!
Posted by: pixiemagic at February 28, 2008 9:49 PM
Ha good question istj...... get asked that at times too you know.......
l told all the widowed blokes l look after today that seeing tomorrow was Feb 29th l could ask one of them for his hand in marriage. There are 6 of them..... don't know if they are still there or have booked out for the day !!!!!!!..............K
Posted by: auntykaz at February 28, 2008 9:48 PM
hey all for the first time :-)
can we all just lighten up a bit here? for the sake of love and the harmony to share that we are all in the same boat , lookin for the same thang...a little love and understandin'.
all I read on here is angst and mockery towards each other.....that isn't my idea of what RSVP wants to promote at all..i've received great rewwards from it ..by being NICE ...xx peace
Posted by: seejaye at February 28, 2008 9:45 PM
Very droll Kenny...............:)
Posted by: jenjen57 at February 28, 2008 9:45 PM
And Virgil...... couldn't have put it better if l tried........... thanks Barb, Istj and amberlight.......K
Posted by: auntykaz at February 28, 2008 9:44 PM
I'll pack my bags tonight Kaz...but will you take me home with you when your shift ends?
Posted by: istj54 at February 28, 2008 9:44 PM
And on a lighter note....Voted best joke in New Zealand
>
> Charlie walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says:
> "Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."
>
> His wife is lying in bed and replies: "I think you'll find that's a
> sheep, you idiot."
>
> The man says: "I think you'll find that I wasn't talking to you."
Posted by: abckenny at February 28, 2008 9:43 PM
Istj l will book you a room in the wing that l run.......... we will have ace fun...........K
Posted by: auntykaz at February 28, 2008 9:40 PM
Good grief, NF, what is this cr*p about Marital Rights anyway?
"Marital Rights" is a leftover relic of the days when a woman was the property of the man she married. When a woman couldn't own her own property, have a bank account or work after she was married. I support you therefore I own you. Even inherited money and property from her own family became the property of her husband.
But NF there were still fair and just men out there who realised that this concept was wrong and changed the laws to respect that. And it was men, NF who did it, educated men who respected and loved their womenfolk; who had perhaps even witnessed the rape of their own mothers as their fathers enforced their "conjugal rights" and took away their mother's wealth and property. Who saw the pain of their sisters as they married men who abused their trust and subjected them to lives of degradation and fear.
It was men, NF who changed many of these laws because back then it was men who made the laws.
It must be a great tragedy for you NF that you were born in these more enlightened times!
Posted by: amberlight58 at February 28, 2008 9:38 PM
Where is our old friend the fotographer...and all those other lost bloggers..FP..Weta..Imanenigma...Willow...Seraphsuzie...and all the others who used to blog??? Are they all dating, or no longer have a need to write?
Posted by: istj54 at February 28, 2008 9:38 PM
I'm looking forward to his European Vacation which will free up a room too:))
Bit like a chat room here tonight.
Posted by: istj54 at February 28, 2008 9:34 PM
How strange.
Most sons would only be too happy if their Mum went away for an extended European vacation.
It frees up a bedroom for assorted girlfriends to romp in (or rather with).
Posted by: neuroticfish at February 28, 2008 9:26 PM
Only because he wants the computer...
Posted by: istj54 at February 28, 2008 9:20 PM
auntykaz....just scrolled back through the posts....I totally and unequivocally admire how you look after the older persons who cannot live independently...I am putting my hand up straight away to admit that I don't have the intestinal fortitude that you have....and the strength of character that goes with that. It makes my job easier to know that when any of mine move to another facility, there are people with kind hearts and sweet natures, and a lot of patience, who will be there to help them along....
Cheers and true regards...
Barbara
Posted by: bm1960 at February 28, 2008 9:17 PM
Your son may already have done that for you.
Thinks it’s the only way to stop his Mum from endlessly blogging and not dating.
Posted by: neuroticfish at February 28, 2008 9:15 PM
I cannot even imagine for one second how any human being can commit an act of cruelty towards any other human being....yes, I know humanity has gone to war, and still does, doesn't mean I have to understand it..the motives are one thing, but the actions are another...:-( I live my life in a bubble because it is too difficult and painful to think about those who do not have the access to the wonderful life and the opportunities we have access to enjoy if we work/strive to get there....
Posted by: bm1960 at February 28, 2008 9:07 PM
Okay...point taken NF...will visit the homes tomorrow and book myself in to one.
Posted by: istj54 at February 28, 2008 9:06 PM
Istj,
It’s not so much that you might be one of those daughters that is the problem.
It’s that you might end up one of the inmates- as old age and death is inevitable.
It’s just over the horizon. Closer for some than others.
So what personally are you doing to live life to the fullest?
The now dearly departed and sorely missed The Man tried to ram home to women over 40 / 50 that you are running out of time. You are not going to live forever. Stop procrastinating and get proactive.
Posted by: neuroticfish at February 28, 2008 8:59 PM
I was going to keep out of this, but as everyone else has weighed in, If the woman has advanced dementia, it is possible she doesnt know who the bloke is.
The fact she was distressed at the end, makes it not alright.
How can there be discussion on this point?
How could there possibly be two points of view?
She was violated. End of story.
Posted by: virgil at February 28, 2008 8:53 PM
I can't stop thinking about it now and it is an awful situation all round, isn't it? I feel for you Kaz...and I guess this is common all over the country. Your work is admirable.
The women here could well be the irate daughters, NF...me included...but not in this situation.
Posted by: istj54 at February 28, 2008 8:47 PM
Istj.
There are things called Privacy Laws. Forget rape.
The biggest intermeddlers in Nursing Home Affairs are the offspring.
And they are quite capable of ensuring that nosey health workers get walked.
You handle an irate daughter on the warpath who reckons that they’ve been married for 55 years, so let them at it.
Posted by: neuroticfish at February 28, 2008 8:42 PM
welcome to the blogs stonecold3.
Posted by: virgil at February 28, 2008 8:40 PM
My goodness....I really don't have the wherewithal to digest many of the previous posts...but would like to say that life, real and cyber, seems to be somewhat similar, always seems the same...as it is supposed to be, one versus one, opinion versus opinion....challenge versus challenge...is the same all over the earth.....Cheers to all of that!.
Posted by: bm1960 at February 28, 2008 8:37 PM
Woodnwine...maybe those people are just fickle and not players at all. People do change their minds.
NF, I am appalled at your view of the man's rights still being in effect with her dementia. If she does not know who he is, she is experiencing rape night after night and that should not be on in any civilised community. I, for one, would consider it in my duty of care to protect this woman. It has nothing to do with normal marital rights with normal mental functioning. It is a different situation entirely.
Posted by: istj54 at February 28, 2008 8:35 PM
C’mon old fella.
How much “girlfriend nookie” have you scored this year?
Come clean now.
There is no material difference between spending $200 on a restaurant meal and $200 on someone who actually delivers the goods in a professional manner.
One is a gamble the other is a certainty. Don’t knock it. You may need it one day.
Posted by: neuroticfish at February 28, 2008 8:30 PM
NF: I don't worry about security cameras for the same reason I don't worry about the afterlife - I'm usually doing what I believe I ought to be. And doing it as well as I can.
So if they were watching me at it, I'd hope they had zoomed in and were taking notes.
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 28, 2008 8:25 PM
Clearly, NF, clearly that is so.........K
Posted by: auntykaz at February 28, 2008 8:22 PM
Yes Kaz. Lotsa compassion, and no sympathy at all with "marital rights".
I always believed that if a man couldn't get some girlfriend nookie without buying it by the hour, you don't deserve it, mate, and need to sharpen your act.
And inside marriage, if you can't or won't keep on wooing her into keeping on coming across, send her out to work, too or instead.
Then when you are not supporting her, whichever of you wants what the other doesn't, has a right to demand the right to go look for it elsewhere, on the quiet from third parties.
A right that I didn't have to ask for. When my ex moved into the spare room after 20-odd years, she volunteered that this gave me a right to stray "but don't tell the children." I thought it was very fair of her, but was too loyal to our past to take the opportunity.
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 28, 2008 8:17 PM
yes TW and most likely the cctv tape would appear some where on a porn site, such is the decline of things over there.
OG
Posted by: oldergent at February 28, 2008 8:11 PM
Timewarp.
You are closer to the Nursing Home than I am.
The camera might be on you. Think about it.
It’s bad enough the number of cameras around at the moment. Certain major venues have doubled their eyes to close to 1000.
Certain monitor staff at one location were stood down for focussing close up on a copulating couple on the lawns.
Same principles apply to health workers. Stay out of it and stay away or face the consequences
Posted by: neuroticfish at February 28, 2008 8:10 PM
I am unsure of the modern laws, but once upon a time it was up to the Master of Lunacy to act on complaints of people in authority regarding people who were,'non compis mentis'. In regard to the case Kaz is talking about I have no doubt the Master would have issued the necessary restraining orders.
Cheers OG
Posted by: oldergent at February 28, 2008 8:09 PM
Geez l make one simple comment about elder sex and get all this!!!!!
I don't really give a shit if they have have sex personally.......
Is that clear enough for the macho men here???????
Don't any of ya who love to criticise everyone and everything have a bit of bloody compassion????..........K
Posted by: auntykaz at February 28, 2008 7:56 PM
In an upmarket American nursing home with all mod cons, you'd pick him up on CCTV leaving his room, and watch and record her response at the time, not just afterwards.
Might not even need to be a shrink to notice and correctly interpret her immediate and continuing response, and recognise it as positive or negative. And I wouldn't consider one session's taping to be an invasion of their privacy, in these circumstances.
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 28, 2008 7:56 PM
Yes istj, there are laws about rape in marriage, but I am not sure which States have them.
The Femminist Mafia got to work on the legislators a long time ago in order to trash the institution of marriage and marital rights.
It is one of the main reasons why marriage is on the way out as an institution, that and the Family Law Act. It has been thoroughly denigrated by modernistic influences in society who have ridden roughshod over the dominance previously exercised by religion.
The more pertinent point about the demented wife is that it is not up to self righteous uptight warped health workers with their own mental issues, to act on their behalf- they are in breach of their work ethics and medical standards by intervening- the complainant is incapable of making a complaint in her own right, the husband is exercising his marital rights (something that a lot of women on this site should pay attention to, instead of trashing their own relationships by their bad attitude to sex), so there would be no valid complaint to act upon, and no health worker has the god given right to try to intervene.
Posted by: neuroticfish at February 28, 2008 7:47 PM
Marcus......l wasn't involved in it. l didn't look after the woman. There was no inconvenience for me. I didn't say she was "unwell" l said she had Dementia...you don't recover from that. I didn't say she was refusing consent. l didn't say he was assaulting her.
Are we clear on that???
Do you understand the legal responsibility those who work in care of others have???
Ensuring wellbeing, safety and comfort...Very simple ideologies that are the basis of the word "care."
Social abuse??? Get off it........K
Posted by: auntykaz at February 28, 2008 7:45 PM
The wife with dementia: I'm with whoever said, "the need to quiet her down afterwards." And I'd look at ethics, not just legalities.
Of course there are are opposing factors to consider, and duties of care to both spouses.
If she is behaving later as if she'd been raped by a stranger, that is one thing. The first and overriding duty of care is to her emotion
You're welcome, nevertearusapart - nice profile, by the way!
Thanks, WnW, for your comment and thoughts on the matter. It made me feel a little emotional actually - don't really know why, perhaps because lots of things do at the moment? Just as well the laborador puppy ads for toilet paper aren't on any more - I'd be a real gonner then.
No wonder men think women are a little odd at times....
Posted by: malsie at February 29, 2008 5:31 PM