RSVP Blog

You're welcome, nevertearusapart - nice profile, by the way!

Thanks, WnW, for your comment and thoughts on the matter. It made me feel a little emotional actually - don't really know why, perhaps because lots of things do at the moment? Just as well the laborador puppy ads for toilet paper aren't on any more - I'd be a real gonner then.
No wonder men think women are a little odd at times....

Posted by: malsie at February 29, 2008 5:31 PM

Do I think there would be many potential punters? Unless there are a few lurking in the background I suspect not.

Posted by: abckenny at February 29, 2008 5:24 PM

OG, 72 hmm now that could be pushing the friendship! LOL LOL

Posted by: nevertearusapart at February 29, 2008 5:16 PM

I also work Sundays, and sometimes Saturdays. I'd be angling for a Thursday night. Do you think there would be many potential punters?

Posted by: hinterlandlover at February 29, 2008 5:15 PM

Hll Now that could be interesting..Depending on the timing of course.I would have gone to the Brisbane meet but unfortunately I work on Sundays.

Posted by: abckenny at February 29, 2008 5:12 PM

Yes Kenny,
The Gauntlets been thrown, money up or shut up. Good on you HLL
OG

Posted by: oldergent at February 29, 2008 5:06 PM

ABC: now that I have your attention ... would you be interested in participating in a bloggers meet for the [southern?] GC/NSW far north coast, after Easter??? venue? Bangalow, or further up your way??

Posted by: hinterlandlover at February 29, 2008 5:02 PM

This is becoming very boring. I am 58! I am most unlikely to appear in searches by men 48-57 as they are looking for women their junior ... Let's move on guys. It's been done to death already.

Posted by: hinterlandlover at February 29, 2008 4:54 PM

WnW,
I have seen her profile and pic's, in the venacular "she's a bonzer lookin sort", pity I am verticaly challenged and a bit over the hill or I might have been in with a chance.
Cheers OG
ps sorry about that love. lol

Posted by: oldergent at February 29, 2008 4:49 PM

"Perhaps I shouldn't have said 'laughed at'. 'Ignored' would have been more appropriate."
Posted by: hinterlandlover at February 29, 2008 4:32 PM

Sorry, I am still missing your point. why would you be ignored because of the age group you put in your ideal partner section? What age are you? That may put it all in perspective.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 29, 2008 4:38 PM

I don't know whether it is a case of women hating men or vice versa but rather that they just don't want to risk the emotional or financial hurt again and would rather not get involved ever again in a serious relationship. I know a couple of women who feel like that.
But in saying that, why would anyone put themselves on a dating site if that's the way they felt. The ladies that I know feel that way have no intention of putting themselves anywhere in case a man shows them unwanted attention.

Posted by: blueeyes1955 at February 29, 2008 4:36 PM

abckenny, I think that might be not over the hill so much as rigid in their outlook.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at February 29, 2008 4:35 PM

abckenny ... yes, I have also seen many women looking for younger men only (their privelage) and many, many, many professing that they are "young at heart" or "feel younger than their age" but when you read their profile you don't see any evidence, just their narcissistic self-appraisal. I think ... walk the walk, don't just talk the talk.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 29, 2008 4:35 PM

Perhaps I shouldn't have said 'laughed at'. 'Ignored' would have been more appropriate.
In my humble experience, men search for women their junior, so I would not appear in their searches. But as I said to TW earlier this week, I'm looking for a man who is open-minded about age [and other things], and am not prepared to lie about my age in order to be 'caught' in more searches.

Posted by: hinterlandlover at February 29, 2008 4:32 PM

Well put WnW.45- 54 is a preferred age not a requirement.
My comment was referring to women in their mid to late 40s stipulating that the guy must be younger than themselves because only women can be young at heart and once a guy passes 45 he must obviously be over the hill.

Posted by: abckenny at February 29, 2008 4:31 PM

hell ntua, make it 72 and you'd have old Bill and me applying, lol lol.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at February 29, 2008 4:31 PM

decoratest @405.
Thank you so much Oh enlightend one ( where the hell were you on that one Marcus, letting our side down LOL) I have asked so many people that one over the years and you are the first to tell me. Misandry/Misandrist. It has been written in my daily journal in caps. in answer to the question you pose. I have no idea, but can you explain to me why you can call a man "senile" and he takes no offence, but call a woman "anile" and they really spark up, and by golly I do like a good clean intelligent debate.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at February 29, 2008 4:28 PM

If the relationship ended then as much as it does hurt one has to realise that that person must not have been the right one for you or vice versa. So you might as well get out there again otherwise you could be missing the opportunity to meet your match. They won't find you by knocking door to door.Cinderella is only a fairytale.

Posted by: blueeyes1955 at February 29, 2008 4:22 PM

decoratress: love your profile. and great photos!

Posted by: hinterlandlover at February 29, 2008 4:21 PM

"but if I stipulated I was looking for a man 48-57 I would be laughed at ..."

Posted by: hinterlandlover at February 29, 2008 4:18 PM

why? Sorry, I don't understand.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 29, 2008 4:19 PM

"Are there more men who hate women than women who hate men?"

Posted by: decoratress at February 29, 2008 4:05 PM

decoratress ... I don't think so. Bearing in mind what some women have been through at the hands of men, I might even say the opposite is the case, which can make some women quite difficult to approach.

Ladies, don't blame us for what someone else may have done, please.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 29, 2008 4:18 PM

... but if I stipulated I was looking for a man 48-57 I would be laughed at ...

Posted by: hinterlandlover at February 29, 2008 4:18 PM

OG if I missed your welcome I do apologise and thank you for welcoming me :)

Nothing you have said has "got up my nose", I'm not that easily offended. We're all just offering "opinions" and each has a right to their own.

Cheers

Posted by: nevertearusapart at February 29, 2008 4:16 PM

"55 year old man looking for a woman 45-54. No woman over 54 could possibly be worth a look ..."
Posted by: hinterlandlover at February 29, 2008 4:05 PM

I think people should keep in mind that the description of the ideal partner is just that .... the ideal. Most people don't expect to get everything in their list, including age. I think on my profile I have women up to 52 but I often search for and reply to kisses from women above that age if they shared common interests. There has to be a cut-off point somewhere, unless you have 18-100, but it is not set in concrete ... well, not for me anyway, maybe for others?

Posted by: woodnwine at February 29, 2008 4:14 PM

ntua,
not a negative post, though I must admit I thought it would get up your nose a bit, (nice to see you thanked Malsie for the welcome and ignored mine). My youngest son met a woman 14 years older than him, and as a good and respectful son should, asked me for my opinion of the liason, my reply was that it was for the heart and head to supply answer, age had nothing to do with it. They married a couple of years ago, and it is disgusting to see how happy they are (not really), trusting this does not get up your nose, more make you open your eyes and heart.

Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at February 29, 2008 4:11 PM

Come now Hl you know that's not true.I did look

Posted by: abckenny at February 29, 2008 4:10 PM

"yes, it does seem to me that a lot of men want to get straight back onto the horse (so to speak) after a relationship break-up as a way to ease the pain and not face themselves. Not all men, naturally; probably the "needier" ones who are not very at home in themselves and need a woman to make themselves feel more whole.
But that's not to say I don't understand that compulsion - I tend to suffer from it myself a bit, and know that doesn't reflect too well on my own emotional maturity either."

Posted by: malsie at February 29, 2008 3:13 PM

Malsie ... I think, as soon as you can, get back on the horse. Once you have thought about what went wrong and are ready to move on, go for it ... otherwise you will just sit at home and mope. You can go over and over everything in your head for months or you can get out and meet new people.

istj ... I look forward to hearing from you or would you prefer me to find a way to contact you? This is not flirting, just saying hello.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 29, 2008 4:07 PM

OG @ 2.40...

The opposite of a misogyny is misandry.
A woman who hates men is a misandrist.
Few people have heard the word- it's not in common use....

I wonder why?
Are there more men who hate women than women who hate men?

Posted by: decoratress at February 29, 2008 4:05 PM

55 year old man looking for a woman 45-54. No woman over 54 could possibly be worth a look ...

Posted by: hinterlandlover at February 29, 2008 4:05 PM

Yes, that's so true picklessister, that's what I'm trying to say .... well put :-D

Posted by: nevertearusapart at February 29, 2008 4:01 PM

I prefer not to go out with someone shorter than me either :)

Posted by: picklessister at February 29, 2008 4:01 PM

I agree with ntua...its about having things in common..i dont see that i have things in common with someone more than 10 years older than me..or younger for that matter. We wouldnt even have listened to the same music..tv shows..advertising jingles....natural disasters...

Posted by: picklessister at February 29, 2008 3:59 PM

errr debate I mean

Posted by: nevertearusapart at February 29, 2008 3:59 PM

Hmm seems I'm not the only so called "bitter and twisted" one here LMAO. I really think at the end of the day we all know what age group of people we're most compatible with relationship wise. I do find it interesting that (some) men think it's perfectly ok to want a woman say 10 years younger but god forbid a woman want a younger man, or a man close to her age pmsl.

Ohh, gotta love a debat ;)

Posted by: nevertearusapart at February 29, 2008 3:56 PM

45 year old woman looking for a guy 30- 45.
Must be under 45 because I am young at heart.
Oh I see ....ANY guy over 45 couldn't possibly be young at heart? LMAO

Posted by: abckenny at February 29, 2008 3:44 PM

ntua, @2.40
Steady on Lass, you really are now sounding bitter and twisted, (does anyone know the opposite of misogonist ?) I have seen a few blissfull relationships with a greater disparity of age in both sexes, after all one of the catch cry's in these blogs is that age is just a number.
Cheers OG ......................................

Hmmm ok, I knew I would get at least one negative comment from that post! lol. I have friends of all different ages,always have, always will. However, I think it's fair to not want to have a relationship with a 60yo man don't you? After all, that would make him old enough to be my father, and what on earth would we have in common?? Also, I would like the posibility of children so clearly a man whose that much older than me isnt a good candidate for that.

By the way, I'm not bitter and twisted, just realistic, and yes I know what I want and what I'm attracted to, as I'm sure you do too OG. Each to their own I say.

Thanks for the warm welcome Malsie :)

Posted by: nevertearusapart at February 29, 2008 3:31 PM

Afternoon all, another blogger here who has been reading (think in blog terms its called lurking) rather than contributing much lately. Bought out of retirement by the word "player". Sadly too many of the RSVP guys fall in to this category, from this girls experience any way. Of course most bloggers exempt from this idea of mine.

I think there is a need for a"disillusioned" country not just a retreat at present.....oh the good old days when blogs were full of fun and laughter!!!

Interesting how the "age" issue constantly reappears....do some of us expect too much,and do we judge others too quickly???
The fact that it remains a constant issue is a little comforting ,as i often feel maybe it is just my perception that it can be a problem.

My profile is hidden at present as a result of high disillusioned levels here on south coast. Thought i should make that public so as I don't get jumped on for blogging while "invisible".

Posted by: dolphin46 at February 29, 2008 3:18 PM

That should have read
but do you realistically expect them to change their ways.? gremlins somewhere

Posted by: abckenny at February 29, 2008 3:17 PM

istj43 - flirting?? With whom - Wnw? Nah! Just joking about about how many times his post got posted!!!

amberlight, yes, it does seem to me that a lot of men want to get straight back onto the horse (so to speak) after a relationship break-up as a way to ease the pain and not face themselves. Not all men, naturally; probably the "needier" ones who are not very at home in themselves and need a woman to make themselves feel more whole.
But that's not to say I don't understand that compulsion - I tend to suffer from it myself a bit, and know that doesn't reflect too well on my own emotional maturity either.

And welcome, nevertearusapart - I enjoyed reading your posts and experiences.

Posted by: malsie at February 29, 2008 3:13 PM

Marcus, you know more about the situation than evidently anyone including myself.
Clever that!!!

Lynath, thanks for the info, had most of it onboard but didn't think it was worth the effort to impart...some just wanted to argue irrelevant points.

Wasn't it the sheik of Alburqurque NF??
Love the harem comment....rings a bell actually....one l like to ignore.............K

Posted by: auntykaz at February 29, 2008 3:11 PM

ntua, @2.40
Steady on Lass, you really are now sounding bitter and twisted, (does anyone know the opposite of misogonist ?) I have seen a few blissfull relationships with a greater disparity of age in both sexes, after all one of the catch cry's in these blogs is that age is just a number.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at February 29, 2008 3:04 PM

Or was it the sheik of Tweak?
A player of note well known around the world for his ability to ' bowl a maiden over or two ' but still they line up to catch him out.Why do you women keep falling for these jerks?
Obviously you are captured by their 'spin' but do you realistically expect them to ways.?

Posted by: abckenny at February 29, 2008 3:01 PM

I live in the country, so most people I know are married as well, so I know what that feels like!!. THere are a couple of single women I am friendly with, but I don't really have much in common with them as far as interests go.

Posted by: amberlight58 at February 29, 2008 3:00 PM

nevertearusapart..i hear you..well said.

Posted by: picklessister at February 29, 2008 2:56 PM

Have just gone through the posts since departing last night.

Marcus, @ 11.58, just supposition mate unless of course you have become a physic overnight, lol

lynath, it seems your science and logical response gob stopped him.

ssc, I fell into the trap of saying thanks but no thanks too quickly, stopped in time after a lady sent a kiss.she has a profile that I have looked at and would not have dared to send a kiss to, rsvp emails exchanged, private addresses also, now I have other kisses coming in, in all fairness I will remove my profile and not respond to the others, it is very obvious that most of them read the blogs so I will not offend them with a no thanks, they will read this and understand.

never tear ua/ I am new to rsvp and was getting very disspirited about the whole thing, no responses to my profile (well not many) then when I started blogging the hits on my latest 10 (RSViP feature) were amazing, so there are a whole lot of peepers out there that are apparently too shy or not condident of themselves to participate, OK if you cannot spell like most of us, ignore the pendants that critisise, that annoys the bejabbers out of them too. You will fit in well, and welcome

Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at February 29, 2008 2:55 PM

Just to follow on, gee I am rather verbose today aren't I! heh. I'm not "desperately seek Tom, Dick or Harry", as you say Amber, I don't 'need' a man as such but it would be lovely to have a partner, you know the 'right one for me'.

All my friends are either married (with or without kids), engaged or partnered so I'm in a situation where I'm seriously lacking single friends to go out and do things with. It would be lovely to meet some like minded men or women to broaden my social circle. I work from home also so that limits my "meeting people" ability.

Im sure there are others in this predicament?

Posted by: nevertearusapart at February 29, 2008 2:51 PM

amberlight@2:08pm Well my experience has been mixed I guess. I met a man through RSVP in January last year, we were together for 6 months. It didn't work for various reasons. I then met another man a few months later, he seemed genuinely interested, we saw each other severals times a week, spoke almost daily, etc etc. We were spending time really getting to know each other, and I was happy with that. We both took our profiles off RSVP (or so I thought so!). He introduced me to his friends, and I introduced him to mine. He would come to my house with flowers, champagne etc, was really nice, I thought 'hey here is a genuine guy'. We seemed to click. Ok, so he'd told me he was still hurting a bit from his past relationship (a long term one that had ended 12 mths prior), I understood that, and was happy to take things slowly as well. What I didn't realise was that he was basically using me to boost his ego whilst he continued to chat to another woman he'd met on RSVP and went onto get into a relationship with! Was I hurt? Damn straight I was. Where's the honesty?? So fast forward 6 months and I'm back here hoping someone will help me renew my faith in the male species lol. Amber, you say the men you're interested want someone like me??? Well, I'm here to tell them, I don't want them! lol. Seriously, why can't men date someone their own age? Why would I want a relationship with someone 10-12 years older than me? Hmm I have a feeling I'm going to get some "negative" feeback on that last comment haha. "I think it might have a lot to do with them: a) either seeing themselves as more attractive and a greater "catch" than they really are or b) wanting to prove to the world how young and virile they are!! Or maybe not wanting to be reminded of their own aging, you know the "gravity bit" that happens to all of us! And I'm sure that there are a lot of men out there (I'm not talking just about this site!) who are by themselves for a reason!!" I couldn't agree with you more Amber, honestly it does astound me how a 60yo man would think a woman my age would be interested in him?????? Just as how could I possible imagine someone 10-12yrs younger than me would be interested??Major inflated egos I think. Cheers

Posted by: nevertearusapart at February 29, 2008 2:40 PM

They are the narcissists, neuroticfish...best left ignored once you are onto their game.

I think it is the Sheik of Araby?

Posted by: istj54 at February 29, 2008 2:34 PM

I agree with isj54 - a "Player" is someone who deliberately sets out to woo, win, chew up and spit out.

Then there are the rubbish who set out to woo, win, chew, then add to their perpetual harem.

I suppose you don’t call them players, just Sheiks of Arabuque, or the Mormons of Internet Dating.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 29, 2008 2:24 PM

I believed that what she said was a teasing flirt. OK, only to get a non-romantic penfriend, but still a flirt. Even in that case, I thought your response was a smack in the face to her, because it had put her into a lower class than the other person. Timewarp...

Yes, a teasing flirt and Michael knows full well that I am a flirt...but his reply...a smack in the face...absolutely not...he is a gentleman...a "gentle" man...and still is:))

Posted by: istj54 at February 29, 2008 2:18 PM

WnW @ 1.46: I am often wrong, and happy to be told. Otherwise I can get out of control and go over the top.

I believed that what she said was a teasing flirt. OK, only to get a non-romantic penfriend, but still a flirt. Even in that case, I thought your response was a smack in the face to her, because it had put her into a lower class than the other person.

I was empathically affronted on her behalf, and took you to task about it.

If I'd had stamps at the moment, I could have used "public praise but private blame" and roused on you in private. But I don't, till I get my 2 freebies on Monday. And I'm skint this week.

It couldn't wait till Monday, so I had to humiliate you in public. I can see from the self-justifying tone of your reply that it had hurt you. But no more than you would have hurt me, if I'd been JL.

Michael, you're one of the most gentlemanly men on this site, but you disappointed me today. I had to maintain my belief in you, somehow or other.

Off to work.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 29, 2008 2:09 PM

Hi again, nevertearusapart,
Well, I've had a couple of "kisses" sent my way, and I responded positively, because that is the polite thing to do (I haven't been "game" enough to send any myself; the thought of rejection or even being thought "too forward" is terrifying - that old-fashioned thing again I suppose) they seemed quite nice and I thought that being courageous was worth acknowledging as I'm sure it's just as scary for men!! However, since then I've heard nothing - so I'm enjoying blogging anyway!!

To be honest I went on this site not expecting a lot. I'm not being negative but a lot of men close to my age are really looking for women like you!! Or a woman even younger. I think it might have a lot to do with them: a) either seeing themselves as more attractive and a greater "catch" than they really are or b) wanting to prove to the world how young and virile they are!! Or maybe not wanting to be reminded of their own aging, you know the "gravity bit" that happens to all of us! And I'm sure that there are a lot of men out there (I'm not talking just about this site!) who are by themselves for a reason!!

I'm not upset or insulted or even disappointed; that is just the way it is. No doubt it gets even worse as you get into your 50's and 60's (God forbid, your 70's!! But hell by then you've probably outlived most of them anyway!!)
I still have children living at home (mind you it would be nice to socalise with someone other than a teenager who thinks that as an adult you know nothing!!) so I am not "lonely" and once my youngest is a bit older, I would like to go to Uni and study Social Work or Law. So I don't "need" someone to love or to love me, but I guess it would be a bonus! One never knows what lies ahead, it could be a bus (nasty!) or it could be a lottery win or finding the love of your life!

How have you found things so far?

Posted by: amberlight58 at February 29, 2008 2:08 PM

Thanks for your response Timewarp. Yes you're probably right about "misplaced politeness". I do think a lot of people use the "started seeing someone" response instead of the "flattered, but no thanks" response because it's an easier, perhaps softer way out.

"They are too gutless to take it like a man, so they slink off into the night. Let them go, hopefully without a thought.

You deserve someone braver than that, to stand back to back with against the world when things get tough. Someone who'll protect your back, not run for cover and leave you to face the music alone."

I agree, and thank you :)

Posted by: nevertearusapart at February 29, 2008 2:01 PM

Michael,

No doubt mate, but you are still whatever age you might be....just leaving a better looking corpse!!!!

Regarding the more mature woman....you are preaching to the converted mate, I prefer woman in general (obviously there are exceptions) who are 40+; all the character of their lifes experiences makes them far more beautiful.

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at February 29, 2008 1:53 PM

Nevertear @ 12.25pm: I think a lot of it is misplaced politeness - not wanting to hurt your feelings by rejecting you.

I only send kisses to women I hope to meet. So when they say "just started seeing", I read that as maybe true - but far more likely they're too kind/polite to say "No way Jose! Rack off!" (Which ultra-couth RSVP words so politely.)

And remember that "started to see" (if it's the truth) is more likely to nosedive sometime soon, rather than soar forever. They might need you later.

So I wait till they're back on my screen, and then try again.

Sometimes it takes 3 kisses, 6 or 9 months apart, before they finally get honest with me, and tell me to get lost.

The ones who open up contact and then suddenly jump ship are totally different. With them, I believe it's their feelings they're trying to protect, not yours.

If they tell you they changed their mind, you could get cranky. Remember the old cliche : "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!"

They are too gutless to take it like a man, so they slink off into the night. Let them go, hopefully without a thought.

You deserve someone braver than that, to stand back to back with against the world when things get tough. Someone who'll protect your back, not run for cover and leave you to face the music alone.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 29, 2008 1:48 PM

Don't worry Bill ... all's well that ends well. When you are talking about friendship you don't have to go through all that chauvanistic/must do things the right way stuff.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 29, 2008 1:46 PM

"Physical age is something that we cannot control, mental age is in the mind - we can live in misery at 20 and we can live in bliss at 90 - its all about attitude.

Bob"

Posted by: notgodsgift at February 29, 2008 1:37 PM

So right Bob about attitude ... spot on. However, I do think we can have some affect on our physical age too ... depending on how we look after our bodies. A bit of daily exercise does wonders. Some women I have met look better in their 40s than some I see at the local shopping centre in their 20s.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 29, 2008 1:43 PM

Virgil,

Re your 8.46am post on growing old.

The problem for a lot of people is that they may be young in years but have definitely grown old before their time.

My father once told me that I was no longer young enough to get up to the stuff I was doing then (and still do) - I was 40. My response to him (in all seriousness) was to tell him that if ever became like him, I would blow my brains out.

Physical age is something that we cannot control, mental age is in the mind - we can live in misery at 20 and we can live in bliss at 90 - its all about attitude.

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at February 29, 2008 1:37 PM

Hey there amberlight
Yes I have noticed some of the comments can get pretty personal, I've had steam coming out of my ears at some of the statements made!! haha. I enjoy a good discussion but don't think personal insults is in anway necessary! How is your experience with RSVP in general going??

Posted by: nevertearusapart at February 29, 2008 1:29 PM

Michael @ 1.12pm: Stingey B... Acknowledge her co-dependence (for not using a stamp on you, herself) and send her an email today.

I thought you were a gentleman, and she dropped her hanky right in front of you!

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 29, 2008 1:24 PM

Hey bm1960
Yep I'm a BIG Inxs fan, cried my eyes out the day Michael died! Never tear us apart is my absolute fave Inxs song, hence the profile name :)

Posted by: nevertearusapart at February 29, 2008 1:23 PM

Hi nevertearusapart....I just checked your profile too...had to see if you are an INXS fan! Never tear us apart is my favourite of their songs.
Cheers!

Posted by: bm1960 at February 29, 2008 1:18 PM

istj - most Melbourne bloggers ... Deborah for instance ... have my email address if you would care to get in touch.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 29, 2008 1:12 PM

Hi nevertearusapart,
I'm pretty new myself. It is quite a learning experience on the blogs. Some of the discussions, as you would have seen, are quite heated and can get quite personal. I'm sure people would never say some of the things they write, out in public among their friends, but I guess it's the anonymity of it all that makes people feel free to say whatever they like!
So far I think I've been lucky, (no personal attacks yet!!), but even if I was "attacked" I'd take it all with a pinch of salt really. What does it matter what someone else (frequently far away) thinks of you and your opinions? It is quite a bit of fun really,but there are a few "lads" on here who are aren't particularly enamoured of women, it's rather interesting to "read between the lines" and "hear" what they really think of us! (sorry I had to check first to see you were female!!)

Posted by: amberlight58 at February 29, 2008 1:03 PM

Timewarp, many thanks for your warm welcome yesterday at 3.39pm. If you're ever down this way I'd be delighted to knock you back, but only after I've had the pleasure of a good few hours' bilateral tabletalk.

Woodnwine, thanks for yours yesterday at 4.20pm. To answer your question, and you're not the first to ask it, "melted architecture" is a reversal of a much-quoted statement by US architect Frank Lloyd-Wright: "Architecture is frozen music". Obscure-ish I know, but I saw recently some bloke wrote "liquid architecture" in his music section - though he wasn't my type it was nice to see I'm not the only weirdo.

I'd like to say something on-topic, but really there's not much to say that hasn't already been said. How long before you look for love again? How long is a piece of string? I'll have to resort to popular song : Breaking up is hard to do even if there are fifty ways to leave your lover (fifty-two now we have email and SMS) so pick yourself up, dust yourself off (duration depends on how dusty you got) and start all over again.

Posted by: survivalofthehippest at February 29, 2008 12:38 PM

Hello there. I posted in the blogs for the first time 2 days ago, post didnt appear until 48hrs later so I'm wading in again! I've been reading some of the blogs and see some interesting discussions, alot of you seem to know each other but I hope you don't mind a 'newbie' joining in?? New to the blogs that is, not new to RSVP.

I guess I'll share my opinion on the actual topic 'dating after a break-up' first of all. Well I think it really depends on the relationship, the length of time and the depth of feelings. From what I've seen men and women seem to deal with break-ups in very different ways. Women tend to take time out, lick their wounds so to speak, talk about it with their friends, and grieve in general. Men seem to get out there and get involved with another woman asap. This is just from what I've seen so don't feel offended guys! haha.

As for RSVP in general, well I have to be honest in saying I'm feeling a bit disenchanted about the whole experience. Yes, I've seen "success stories", in fact my best friend met her fiance through here, and another friend met her hubby. So I know it can work, for some.

I'm starting to wonder if there really is a man out there for me who is kind, caring, attractive (to me), deeper than a puddle, who wants a relationship and not just a bonk!! As for receiving kisses from people who clearly haven't even read my profile, men who are old enough to be my father, I even received a kiss from a 19yo last night!???

I'm finding the men that I find interesting and think we have things in common, send them a kiss, and the response is generally "corresponding with someone elsse" or just a no. As for the "corresponding with someone else" or option, I've always hidden my profile if I'm meeting/getting to know someone else. I don't see the point in having your profile still up if you're not interested in people wanting to get to know you?? Maybe that's just me, hmmm,

Another thing I just find amazing is when people's photos are over 10 years old!! haha, I've met men I didn't even recognise because their photo was so old, they looked completely different.

Oh dear, I'm sounding very cynical here! I'm really a pretty positive sort of person actually, but I guess this whole process is wearing me down a bit .....

Oh yeah, another thing I just love is when someone says "looking forward to your email" ... I recently had that from one person on here, I emailed him, he emailed me right back and I mean within 10 mins!! I responded and he's just disappeared into the wild blue yonder now! ha. I dont know, call me old fashioned, but would it hurt to send an email saying "Ive met someone else" or "Im not interested" or whatever???

Ok, I'm sounding more cynical by the minute! lol. Ooops. Ah well, I guess we all need a vent from time to time.

Anyway, it's nice to be here on the blogs, and I look forward to some interesting discussions :)

Posted by: nevertearusapart at February 29, 2008 12:25 PM

Aliane: If you go away from the blogs, we will miss you very much.
Malsie said it for all of us: "I've enjoyed reading your poetic, caring and sensitive posts" We all have.
If your main disappointments have come from using RSVP for dating, but you have enjoyed talking with your friends on the blogs, why not hide your profile for a while, (only takes one mouse click on your home page, and is reversible with one click.) And keep on reading the blogs, and sometimes post us a letter there, if and when you feel like it?

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 29, 2008 11:37 AM

That would be a good thing for Aliane to do, Timewarp, and you are right about expecting too much from one person

Posted by: amberlight58 at February 29, 2008 11:47 AM

Aliane: If you go away from the blogs, we will miss you very much.

Malsie said it for all of us: "I've enjoyed reading your poetic, caring and sensitive posts" We all have.

If your main disappointments have come from using RSVP for dating, but you have enjoyed talking with your friends on the blogs, why not hide your profile for a while, (only takes one mouse click on your home page, and is reversible with one click.) And keep on reading the blogs, and sometimes post us a letter there, if and when you feel like it?

A lot of people do that. Such as people who are now in a relationship, but know how important it is to keep in touch with their friends - including their blog friends.

And their friends are glad that they have not foolishly abandoned them and totally disappeared into a relationship.

That puts too much pressure on the relationship: your partner now has to supply what you used to get from your friends, and that's too much togetherness for most men. and many women.

And remember - use what people say to everyone, as a predictor of how they would treat their special friend.

If someone is argumentative in public as a way of life, and enjoys putting people down in public, keep your distance. They are abusers by nature, and if they trap you they will hurt you. Just to make their lives more interesting, that moment.

At christmastime I had some stamps expiring, and used them to contact bloggers that I admired. I'm so glad I did.

If you used one of your remaining stamps to get my real email adress, it wouldn't be wasted - I would be honoured.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 29, 2008 11:37 AM

Malsie, I think you're right in your comment that "Lots of people also seem to like to go straight onto someone new as a way to ease the pain, I suppose."

But that is really only a short-term option, don't you think? Grief is one of those things that has to be dealt otherwise it will just be sitting there in the background and will rise to the surface when we least expect it or want it too. People often have mental breakdowns years later because they have never dealth with their anger and grief (and isn't that what grief involves, a large degree of anger?) I left my husband after 24 years together nearly 3 years ago, but I have only really got over the grief, anger and sadness in the last 8-12 months. Whereas my ex-husband "got straight back into it" as they say. (maybe he didn't care anyway? He certainly didn't seem to when we went through several months of counselling) According to our kids, he was desperate to marry one lady he went out with for a few months; but she had only recently lost her husband (he died unexpectedly and suddenly) and perhaps realised herself she needed time and that re-partnering too soon could be a serious mistake.

Who knows, all I know is that I certainly wasn't ready for a new relationship 6 months ago; whether I am now I guess I will only know if I actually meet somone. I don't really expect to find someone on this site, though. I suspect there are a lot of people here to "show" previous partners (is that what the "Top 100" is all about?) or are really looking for someone for sex only which is not me at all! (I'm a bit old-fashioned I'm afraid) But hey, if you don't try it you'll never know.

Posted by: amberlight58 at February 29, 2008 11:28 AM

...alas, alak, not with me...WnW, Aliane is not deaf...and Malsie, are you flirting?

Posted by: istj54 at February 29, 2008 11:26 AM

Hi, WnW - so I gather you're always happy to make new friends then? :)

Posted by: malsie at February 29, 2008 11:20 AM

Wow!!! How did that happen? Bizarre!

Posted by: woodnwine at February 29, 2008 11:11 AM

Hi alaine - I am always happy to make new friends and would welcome an email from you or perhaps someone you already know, already knows how to get in touch with me. I am in contact with or know how to contact most regular bloggers. There is a fairly big community of RSVP friends out their. I hope you enjoy your break and you would always be welcome to drop back in and say Hi any time.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 29, 2008 11:10 AM

Hi alaine - I am always happy to make new friends and would welcome an email from you or perhaps someone you already know, already knows how to get in touch with me. I am in contact with or know how to contact most regular bloggers. There is a fairly big community of RSVP friends out their. I hope you enjoy your break and you would always be welcome to drop back in and say Hi any time.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 29, 2008 11:09 AM

Hi alaine - I am always happy to make new friends and would welcome an email from you or perhaps someone you already know, already knows how to get in touch with me. I am in contact with or know how to contact most regular bloggers. There is a fairly big community of RSVP friends out their. I hope you enjoy your break and you would always be welcome to drop back in and say Hi any time.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 29, 2008 11:09 AM

Hi alaine - I am always happy to make new friends and would welcome an email from you or perhaps someone you already know, already knows how to get in touch with me. I am in contact with or know how to contact most regular bloggers. There is a fairly big community of RSVP friends out their. I hope you enjoy your break and you would always be welcome to drop back in and say Hi any time.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 29, 2008 11:08 AM

Willow/Silky Oak,
I am so disappointed!! You really need to spend less time...... "Overwhelmed by this unimaginable force I submitted myself meekly to the passion, as lust became dominant in my thoughts seeking expression in a way unknown to me since my early adulthoodand" ("...unknown to me since my early adulthood"?! Yeah, right!!)......and get out more!!

Posted by: amberlight58 at February 29, 2008 10:55 AM

skyblu1, I think what is a "suitable time" to move on relationship-wise will be very much an individual thing - not a prescribed time that people should adhere to. I've read a few comments here suggesting some time alone to reflect on things, to "re-find" yourself is important.

Perhaps the length of time of the relationship will influence how long a break you'll need afterwards. Also how upsetting the break-up was too I should imagine would come into it - time to regain trust in the opposite sex, that sort of thing.

Lots of people also seem to like to go straight onto someone new as a way to ease the pain, I suppose.
Unfortunately, I believe I'm in that camp myself. I don't think it's a very good coping strategy, however, and will try and fight it myself and take some time to be alone for a while.

Posted by: malsie at February 29, 2008 10:55 AM

Knew of one man who would leave his room at night, walk over to the Dementia unit where his wife was, shut the door behind him and come out about a half hour later...leaving the staff to then get his wife back into her nightwear and settle her down.....
Posted by: auntykaz at February 28, 2008 5:11 PM

After all he has only been married to her for 60 years and loves her so much he cries himself to sleep after he sees her.
Posted by: laughsandtalks at February 28, 2008 11:58 PM

Marcus!! And I thought you were a cold, hard facts man!! Where did it say that that man cried himself to sleep?

And sorry, but if the man was such a devoted and caring person, who loved his wife so much, why would he leave it to the staff to get his wife back into her nightwear? Wouldn't he want to spare her that indignity? And wouldn't he want be the one to soothe her and calm her down afterwards?

You are letting yourself down, Man!! Being subjective instead of objective? Breaking your own rules? Goodness, next thing we may begin to think you have a heart! "he cries himself to sleep after he sees her...." (oh sorry, of course, you were viewing this from a MAN'S perspective!!)

Posted by: thelynathdiary at February 29, 2008 12:17 AM

Exactly Lynath, you outlined perfectly what the concerns and issues should be.

And Marcus, only a man would think that the amount of sperm they produce is of interest to anybody! Anyway as in most things in life, isn't it the quality NOT the quantity that matters?

Posted by: amberlight58 at February 29, 2008 10:44 AM

For me it all boils down to honesty. I realise that not everyone is comfortable in exposing himself or herself to another. I was in a relationship for 5 years and I know just as little about that person at the end of it as I did at the beginning but in return, I exposed my inner soul. When it comes to Internet dating, we are limited by the site in how much we can say about ourselves and who we are looking for. Photos rarely portray the real person through bad posing, bad camera techniques or old photos. Long exchanges of emails are counterproductive for it gives one too long to form an imaginary perception of the other person which is seldom what they are really like. Telephone calls before meeting, while being important, also allow images to be formed based on the voice, again quite different to reality. Therefore, it is best to meet ASAP for as long as you both feel comfortable, even a couple of dates, then you are better place to make that choice. If it is not what you expected then need to move on. That is not serial dating; it is just taking things from the electronic to the real world ASAP to avoid the disappointment of broken false expectations developed over time. But one you have met someone and the attraction is mutual, then remove your profile, devote your time to building the relationship and give it all you have got...but it has to be a mutual process as you will not achieve it on your own.
That�s my bit for today, BTW my first posting. Omzigotte

Posted by: omzigotte at February 29, 2008 10:38 AM

aliane, sorry to hear you have had some negative experiences that are leading you to leave. There are some lovely, genuine people who blog here, and others whose motives I really don't understand either. It would be a shame if you left because of them, but if you do, I wish you well.
I've enjoyed reading your poetic, caring and sensitive posts - lots of love and happiness to you :)

Posted by: malsie at February 29, 2008 10:36 AM

Aliane and Txxx...I have left totally twice now and that is a reason for my name changes...not being a multiple personality...It is good to take breaks.
It refreshes your outlook and gives you time to work out what you really want from life...if we ever do, as it seems to be a dynamic process...I am still here at the moment because I am working on the philosophy that we don't know what is around the corner and we need to be there, or here, to see:))
But, good luck Aliane...I think you have been burned by the negative aspects of internet dating where we puit our own expectations and perceptions onto someone we have never even met. That is the dangerous side of being here and is why it is best to meet people quickly to decide if they could be right for us.

Posted by: istj54 at February 29, 2008 10:05 AM

After being rejected by a "player" you can feel silly, used, made a fool of, vulnerable, not quite good enough...lots of things that are not good.

However, we need to know that we are still the same wonderful, together people we were before the experience and that it is them not us. I think if you have been had by a player and know it you don't need to wait the time to grieve etc...just get back out there and meet some new friends.

Imanenigma, it was good to see you back for a very short visit...I have written similar stuff about the interest levels but am now trying to discuss more stuff that comes up. Actually, if you think about it, we have been discussing some quite interesting topics...the paranormal, sex in the eighties(so to speak), breakups, grief, sport...lots of stuff...so if all the lurkers would just jump in with one post these blogs would become far more interesting place again...and for those offended by Marcus...he is just giving a different slant on the topic which can be either ignored or discussed...I think you only have to post a couple of times to become an instant blogger...give it a try:))

Virgil...your date sounds divine...I saw her on the tv a few days ago...used to think I was the Dancing Queen...and sometimes still do:))

Posted by: istj54 at February 29, 2008 9:57 AM

Aliane...

I've enjoyed your posts, always..

You are going to leave rsvp?
I'm not the one to try & dissuade you, being on the point of making the same decision myself, but whatever you do.. I wish you love, peace, good fortune & happiness.

Your spirit has shone through everything you've written, & I'm not surprised you have made some friendships which will last after rsvp! Stay true to your heart, & never give up your hopes & dreams.

Txxx

Posted by: decoratress at February 29, 2008 9:50 AM

I agree with isj54 - a "Player" is someone who deliberately sets out to woo, win, chew up and spit out, knowing full well there is a short "use by" date. Leave a lot of hurt and broken hearts in their wake, and seem to have no remorse or guilt for doing so, so long as they had "fun".

Breaking up with someone after 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months, or 3 years doesn't make someone a "Player" - it takes time to really get to know each other, and if you find you are incompatible, even tho both of your intentions were good, then there can be no blame assigned to moving on to where you better belong.

Posted by: riversong1 at February 29, 2008 9:32 AM

istj - I think it comes down to commitment. There are surely many nice people on RSVP who date with good intentions but when it comes to the crunch they can't commit to a relationship (for various reasons) so they just move on to the next one and repeat the same process over and over again. These people could be referred to as players but maybe it is not their intention to be?

Posted by: woodnwine at February 29, 2008 9:17 AM

": ))))))))))) WnW, it can happen, you can just meet someone you click with, when you stop trying !!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at February 29, 2008 1:28 AM

slightsync .... no, we're not going to meet anyone sitting at home watching TV. I think you have to be pro-active and get out there and then you will find someone .... without stressing about it of course.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 29, 2008 8:59 AM

"I'm still here (sadly), I dont bother reading or posting, so this is a novelty having seen the question in sidebar of homepage, but basically I'm over it!!! Repetition and predictability will do it to me everytime!! The odd fruitcake doesn't help the cause, either. Will pop in from time to time, just in case I miss the meaning of life or something. Surprise me!"

Posted by: imanenigma at February 28, 2008 10:33 PM

Have to agree ... there's not much to get your teeth into or to have fun with on the blogs these days and it is hard sometimes to maintain an interest. Better topics would certainly help.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 29, 2008 8:52 AM

Early in the day, yesterday, I mentioned villages for the over 45s that had places for all sorts of physical acitivities, squash, swimming, tennis etc. I thought that sounded good. I remembered "MY Generation" by the Who, where Peter Townshend wrote "I hope I die before I get old"

The discussion that followed reinforces Neil Young "Its better to burn out than it is to rust" .

Posted by: virgil at February 29, 2008 8:46 AM

Thanks Marcus.

Lynath has made some very good points, in how are they together during the day? There may be adult children who visit, some insight may be gained from their kids questioning the parents ( a bit tacky, I know, but I cant get over the statement that the wife was seen to be in an agitated state, a bad place).

After consensual sex, that presumably they may have both enjoyed, I would have thought if the wife enjoyed it,surely there might have been at least some evidence to suggest that.

It would be worth investgating the cause of the agitation, was it the visit by the husband, or was it that he had to leave?

I feel that the staff would usually be caring and respectful of their patients, and most likely be equipped with more intimate knowledge of the true nature of what is happening.

Posted by: virgil at February 29, 2008 8:34 AM

Slightsync @ 1.28am: Agreed. You can stop seaching, and then happen to meet someone suitable. But you mightn't stumble over them by accident. Ever.

So I'm trying to help my chances by keeping looking.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 29, 2008 2:18 AM

Marquise @ 12.37am:

You have a valid question there. How do you enliven a discussion? Three ways I know:

1) If the topic's a worthwhile one, suddenly add some interesting and preferably very different extra info, as NF often does and you sometimes do; compare 2 previous posts, or make a transitional summary to tidy up the loose ends, so someone can take the topic further, often in a new direction.

2) If the topic's overdue for burial, suggest another one. NF is very good at that.

3) If you have a restless intelligence, and especially if you believe you know it all already, you'll be much more interested in going for the player, rather than keeping the ball in play.

Making somebody feel uncomfortable, rather than progressing the discussion.

The most innocuous way I know is to play continuous "Yes, but" at every round.

And if you're lazy as well as an idle troublemaker, rather than going to the trouble of thinking up valid counter-arguments, you can just insult the other players, preferably one by one, like the fotographer wnen on the turps.

I reckon that's just doing what you're doing in your hidden photo, and were talking about at the bottom of your post.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 29, 2008 2:06 AM

I'm just wondering how many people you have to meet before you find someone you click with immediately. What are the odds? Maybe it's just luck ... who knows but it does take a lot of strength of character to keep trying sometimes. One of the problems these days seems to be political correctness ... or is that just me?

Then when you have met someone you really click with, how does that affect your odds of meeting another? This is always a thought when moving on after a relationship break-up.

Virgil ... tend to agree with you that complacency can set in after a while.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 27, 2008 4:19 PM

: ))))))))))) WnW, it can happen, you can just meet someone you click with, when you stop trying !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at February 29, 2008 1:28 AM

Sorry amber for the very long wait, the name of Willows 2nd date is Agnetha from ABBA.

Posted by: willow1059 at February 29, 2008 1:20 AM

laughsandtalks...

So you are over-qualified in grossness as well as rudeness.

well...

who would have thought it?

Posted by: decoratress at February 29, 2008 1:03 AM

Timewarp.
I think I read Berne's book you mention in 1970. It is still on one of the shelves at the folks.
How are we supposed to invigorate topics here? All agree? Or perhaps use your tea leaf divining method to give us guidance.

Thanks for the thoughts on whale v human intromission. I think our sperm are being resorbed and replaced though. Otherwise a billy goat like you would have nuts like, I dunno, coconuts. Not sure how the size of your partner affects the squirt quantity. I know the level of arousal can affect the force and velocity. Would see 15 cc a good effort and a mess if it was on your hand ;-). I thought the Caucasian average was about 8.
Cheers Marquis

Posted by: laughsandtalks at February 29, 2008 12:37 AM

Residential facilities are now being built with couples in mind. Many already have married couples rooms, or at the very least adjoining rooms with an interconnecting door and most have their own ensuites.
Maintaining marital relationships is recognised as important and privacy is respected.
It is not unknown for health providers to secure "professional services" in certain situations.

In the case of Kaz's lady with Dementia the problems identified are to do with Duty of Care, Incompetency to make own decisions due to disease, Elder Abuse and whether or not ths is a form of Abuse, Privacy and Confidentiality , Marriage, and the husbands own rights to Privacy.

The Alzheimer's Association is an excellent resource for guidance on these matters. They are experts in sorting out the answers and the solutions. There are also Elder Abuse programs who can guide you but they may be a bit zealous in the first instance since reporting is mandatory.You may need to make general inquiries at first if there is no consent to discuss individual health matters available.

I would be getting answers to a few questions such as
What is the husbands own mental state? Does he lackinsight or have cognitive impairment himself?
Does a meaningful relationship still exist during the day?
What is her reaction to him during the day? Is she fearful? Does seeing him set of a catastrophic reaction of any kind? Or does he calm her and cause her to experience a sense of security and wellbeing? Even if she can't expres this in words, look for the actions and responses.
Is she capable of reacting negatively to his advances if she doesn't like them? eg screaming for help or having an arguement? Is she medicated ,especially at night in a way that would prevent her reacting?
How does he treat her? Does he spend time with her? How does he react to other women in the facility?

If you think the relationship is abuse then you can try taking the least confronting and upsetting way to solve the problem.
You could try talking to him about it or having her doctor talk to him.

You could have her moved to a less private room(if they are not all single rooms)
You can talk to her family or guardian if she has one.
You can apply to VCAT for a lifestyle decision and have her moved to another facility if the situation is not resolving satisfactorily, although that would be an extreme measure.

Posted by: thelynathdiary at February 29, 2008 12:17 AM

Virgil Re the 'senior intimacy' incident.
Auntykaz has back pedalled on her assertions and admits that her reading of the situation was subjective and now she doesnt care.
The other girly girls have reacted semi hysterically assuming a major negative, a substantial violation with no evidence. Well entrenched and rehearsed femmo. reaction suffises here; decry the male and strip the bloke of his rights and pronounce him a marital rapist. After all he has only been married to her for 60 years and loves her so much he cries himself to sleep after he sees her. They may have made a lovers pact and it may be in her will. I would assume that the people actually incharge are best placed to asses the situation and may have decided that it is beneficial despite Auntykaz deciding that because she needed to be 'settled down' it was a problem. I had a lover who would cry her eyes out when she came so heightened were here feeelings.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at February 28, 2008 11:58 PM

How late do I have to stay up to hear the rest of Willow's story. A good story needs a good ending

Posted by: blueeyes1955 at February 28, 2008 11:24 PM

The great thing about Silky Oak is the quality of its wood, really got a lovely grain and smooth to touch.

Posted by: skyeblu1 at February 28, 2008 11:21 PM

Amberlight.
Willows and poplars are a big time feral plant problem. There is a lot of effort put into eradicating them from waterways around Melbourne. One good reason for this is there roots are so dense they prevent platypus from burrowing and thus inhabiting otherwise suitable places.
The Silky oak is a big Grevillea and an excellent, tidy native bird attracting species.
Another good native one is the weeping Willow myrtle- Agonis.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at February 28, 2008 11:19 PM

So no one has really addressed the subject. What do other poeople do in the break up situation? What is an acceptable timeframe?

Posted by: skyeblu1 at February 28, 2008 11:18 PM

Sadly, I will have to depart without you ever revealing the name of your Princess, Willow as I am getting older by the minute!! (Although I have a horrible feeling that I know where this is going......)

Posted by: amberlight58 at February 28, 2008 11:06 PM

Sorry too late!! Just fainted from holding my breath too long!!

Posted by: amberlight58 at February 28, 2008 10:58 PM

We await with baited breath........

Posted by: amberlight58 at February 28, 2008 10:49 PM

This is the story of Willows second date with his princess.

What can I tell you?

Well, she is Swedish, has a voice to dream about and can sing the most beautiful songs. She has blue eyes that entice you towards her, seeking to engage you in a spell not easily broken and she is not overly tall, a comfortable height for Willow.

We sat down to dinner at Willows place, a real dinner not a Willow virtual special. But the menu was the same, filet mignion with all the trappings. Of course, as a respectable gentleman I remained fully clothed unlike at the virtual dinner.

With my spirits lifted by the glamorous company with me on this evening, I ate heartily devouring the meal with a vigour not commonly associated with me. All the while just admiring her beauty, nearly speechless I must say to my great embarrassment.

She sang to me for what seemed like an hour, they were the most romantic songs about love past and present and even money. Her dulcet tones rich and soothing with a timbre any professional would envy.

I found myself cast away laying peacefully on the surface of my mind made life raft, my heart rising and falling with each change in pitch and beat as her mellow words struck my chest. I could feel her presence through her voice with words formed by the blending of past loves, broken spirit and future hope and desires. Knowing this I entered her world willingly to be swept up by the tidal wave of emotion being expressed.

Overwhelmed by this unimaginable force I submitted myself meekly to the passion, as lust became dominant in my thoughts seeking expression in a way unknown to me since my early adulthood.

Not long after the last song we had completed the main course of which she ate none, for I think she was dieting for me and distracting herself with song. A good friend rang so I told him about her and the names of the songs. Being a music buff he asked me if she was a good C-D. I said no, I would rate her A+. He said again more firmly, no Willow was it a good CD. Ah, now more aware I realised he wanted to know her bra size, sheepishly I replied that I had not asked but I guessed at perhaps C.

As with all good stories this must end now before the RSVP editor says enough.

Did you want to know her name?

Posted by: willow1059 at February 28, 2008 10:45 PM

Excellent amber, since you have chosen so well I shall find a Willow story for you.

Posted by: willow1059 at February 28, 2008 10:42 PM

Of course!! They grow to be a very tall tree indeed!

Posted by: amberlight58 at February 28, 2008 10:40 PM

A Silky Oak sounds good, do they have roots?

Posted by: willow1059 at February 28, 2008 10:38 PM

I'm still here (sadly), I dont bother reading or posting, so this is a novelty having seen the question in sidebar of homepage, but basically I'm over it!!! Repetition and predictability will do it to me everytime!! The odd fruitcake doesn't help the cause, either. Will pop in from time to time, just in case I miss the meaning of life or something. Surprise me!

Posted by: imanenigma at February 28, 2008 10:33 PM

Sadly willows are a little out of fashion these days, the Green movement accuses them of being a feral species........
What about going Native?
A bloodwood perhaps?
A Silky Oak?

Posted by: amberlight58 at February 28, 2008 10:31 PM

willow1059..just be yourself Willow..perfect!!

Posted by: pixiemagic at February 28, 2008 10:30 PM

hi virgil have been on blog for close to a month now. and i want to thank you and its great to meet you anyway. i have been looking at blogs most times and the other days you guys mentioned what wasnt great on tv .and i had my thoughts to itand to me theres not really much worth on tv these days . these days pay tv is really an expansive progrem to watch just show the same programs over and over take care stone cold3

Posted by: stonecold3 at February 28, 2008 10:30 PM

naughtyfish @ 8.30pm: Eric Berne in his awareness-expanding book "Games People Play" makes a distinction between "Pastimes" which are specific relatively-innocent verbal contexts for people to share a bit of emotion and togetherness, and "Games" which are destructive 2 or 3-handed contests, designed to avoid emotional intimacy, and replace it with psychological warfare.

They all have the colloqual names that his workshops originally came up with.

Marcus for 95% of the time, and you, more often than not, are amusing yourselves with the pastime of "Yes but ..."

This involves anyone at all saying anything at all, and you or Marcus automatically disagreeing, whoever's clocked on at the time. Just for the sake of an argument, any argument.

I find it all rather negative and boring, and would far rather play "Yes, and furthermore," (a pastime that Berne didn't have in his list, because all his clients had emotional shortcomings. That's why they were going to his therapy groups ...)

Back to your post, naughtyfish:

"How much (free) “girlfriend nookie” have you scored this year?"

Some, but not much. Far too little. You, NF?

"Come clean now." You too, NF.

"There is no material difference between spending $200 on a restaurant meal and $200 on someone who actually delivers the goods in a professional manner."

I'm into barter, NF. I reckon she's going to enjoy it at least as much as I do, and guaranteed more often. But I don't charge, and nor does she.

We're friends, right, not a contractor and a client who has to buy it, because he hasn't got what it takes to earn it. Which was the argument of my previous post.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 28, 2008 10:21 PM

pixie, Willow is still around. Just a bit busy chasing balls, lifting metal thingys, getting wet, being assaulted by young children and working.

No, I haven't found anyone to love a Willow yet, perhaps I should change species to a what .... any suggestions?

Posted by: willow1059 at February 28, 2008 10:18 PM

Oh Well!! Look on the bright side! I suppose it's one way of finding out who the misogynists in "nice men's clothing" are!

Posted by: amberlight58 at February 28, 2008 10:16 PM

Hi there seejaye..yes you make a good case..it can get a bit wild in here at times..you soon learn who to ignore cos they are just trying to wind you up...and who to chat with.

Barbara, dont stress, it was good to hear a new voice (or maybe i havent been around enough to have heard you before).

Kenny, as a NZer and a non-pig-sheep shagger i hope your joke gets censored over night..

Posted by: picklessister at February 28, 2008 10:09 PM

Hello seejaye....you have very kind sentiments and I agree with them...however, I allowed myself to become embroiled in a silly discussion earlier this afternoon.....will be more discerning next time! Bed time for me now so I wish you all a good nights sleep.
Cheers,
Barbara

Posted by: bm1960 at February 28, 2008 10:02 PM

istj54..Where is our old friend the fotographer...and all those other lost bloggers..FP..Weta..Imanenigma...Willow...Seraphsuzie...and all the others who used to blog??? Are they all dating, or no longer have a need to write?

I think you will find that some certainly are dating and moved on...others probably still observe the blogs but dont participate and others have been flogged to death by some blogger bullies so they chose to move off the blog site altogether!

Posted by: pixiemagic at February 28, 2008 9:49 PM

Ha good question istj...... get asked that at times too you know.......
l told all the widowed blokes l look after today that seeing tomorrow was Feb 29th l could ask one of them for his hand in marriage. There are 6 of them..... don't know if they are still there or have booked out for the day !!!!!!!..............K

Posted by: auntykaz at February 28, 2008 9:48 PM

hey all for the first time :-)
can we all just lighten up a bit here? for the sake of love and the harmony to share that we are all in the same boat , lookin for the same thang...a little love and understandin'.

all I read on here is angst and mockery towards each other.....that isn't my idea of what RSVP wants to promote at all..i've received great rewwards from it ..by being NICE ...xx peace

Posted by: seejaye at February 28, 2008 9:45 PM

Very droll Kenny...............:)

Posted by: jenjen57 at February 28, 2008 9:45 PM

And Virgil...... couldn't have put it better if l tried........... thanks Barb, Istj and amberlight.......K

Posted by: auntykaz at February 28, 2008 9:44 PM

I'll pack my bags tonight Kaz...but will you take me home with you when your shift ends?

Posted by: istj54 at February 28, 2008 9:44 PM

And on a lighter note....Voted best joke in New Zealand
>
> Charlie walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says:
> "Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."
>
> His wife is lying in bed and replies: "I think you'll find that's a
> sheep, you idiot."
>
> The man says: "I think you'll find that I wasn't talking to you."

Posted by: abckenny at February 28, 2008 9:43 PM

Istj l will book you a room in the wing that l run.......... we will have ace fun...........K

Posted by: auntykaz at February 28, 2008 9:40 PM

Good grief, NF, what is this cr*p about Marital Rights anyway?
"Marital Rights" is a leftover relic of the days when a woman was the property of the man she married. When a woman couldn't own her own property, have a bank account or work after she was married. I support you therefore I own you. Even inherited money and property from her own family became the property of her husband.

But NF there were still fair and just men out there who realised that this concept was wrong and changed the laws to respect that. And it was men, NF who did it, educated men who respected and loved their womenfolk; who had perhaps even witnessed the rape of their own mothers as their fathers enforced their "conjugal rights" and took away their mother's wealth and property. Who saw the pain of their sisters as they married men who abused their trust and subjected them to lives of degradation and fear.
It was men, NF who changed many of these laws because back then it was men who made the laws.
It must be a great tragedy for you NF that you were born in these more enlightened times!

Posted by: amberlight58 at February 28, 2008 9:38 PM

Where is our old friend the fotographer...and all those other lost bloggers..FP..Weta..Imanenigma...Willow...Seraphsuzie...and all the others who used to blog??? Are they all dating, or no longer have a need to write?

Posted by: istj54 at February 28, 2008 9:38 PM

I'm looking forward to his European Vacation which will free up a room too:))

Bit like a chat room here tonight.

Posted by: istj54 at February 28, 2008 9:34 PM

How strange.

Most sons would only be too happy if their Mum went away for an extended European vacation.

It frees up a bedroom for assorted girlfriends to romp in (or rather with).

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 28, 2008 9:26 PM

Only because he wants the computer...

Posted by: istj54 at February 28, 2008 9:20 PM

auntykaz....just scrolled back through the posts....I totally and unequivocally admire how you look after the older persons who cannot live independently...I am putting my hand up straight away to admit that I don't have the intestinal fortitude that you have....and the strength of character that goes with that. It makes my job easier to know that when any of mine move to another facility, there are people with kind hearts and sweet natures, and a lot of patience, who will be there to help them along....
Cheers and true regards...
Barbara

Posted by: bm1960 at February 28, 2008 9:17 PM

Your son may already have done that for you.

Thinks it’s the only way to stop his Mum from endlessly blogging and not dating.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 28, 2008 9:15 PM

I cannot even imagine for one second how any human being can commit an act of cruelty towards any other human being....yes, I know humanity has gone to war, and still does, doesn't mean I have to understand it..the motives are one thing, but the actions are another...:-( I live my life in a bubble because it is too difficult and painful to think about those who do not have the access to the wonderful life and the opportunities we have access to enjoy if we work/strive to get there....

Posted by: bm1960 at February 28, 2008 9:07 PM

Okay...point taken NF...will visit the homes tomorrow and book myself in to one.

Posted by: istj54 at February 28, 2008 9:06 PM

Istj,

It’s not so much that you might be one of those daughters that is the problem.

It’s that you might end up one of the inmates- as old age and death is inevitable.

It’s just over the horizon. Closer for some than others.

So what personally are you doing to live life to the fullest?

The now dearly departed and sorely missed The Man tried to ram home to women over 40 / 50 that you are running out of time. You are not going to live forever. Stop procrastinating and get proactive.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 28, 2008 8:59 PM

I was going to keep out of this, but as everyone else has weighed in, If the woman has advanced dementia, it is possible she doesnt know who the bloke is.

The fact she was distressed at the end, makes it not alright.

How can there be discussion on this point?

How could there possibly be two points of view?

She was violated. End of story.

Posted by: virgil at February 28, 2008 8:53 PM

I can't stop thinking about it now and it is an awful situation all round, isn't it? I feel for you Kaz...and I guess this is common all over the country. Your work is admirable.

The women here could well be the irate daughters, NF...me included...but not in this situation.

Posted by: istj54 at February 28, 2008 8:47 PM

Istj.

There are things called Privacy Laws. Forget rape.

The biggest intermeddlers in Nursing Home Affairs are the offspring.

And they are quite capable of ensuring that nosey health workers get walked.

You handle an irate daughter on the warpath who reckons that they’ve been married for 55 years, so let them at it.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 28, 2008 8:42 PM

welcome to the blogs stonecold3.

Posted by: virgil at February 28, 2008 8:40 PM

My goodness....I really don't have the wherewithal to digest many of the previous posts...but would like to say that life, real and cyber, seems to be somewhat similar, always seems the same...as it is supposed to be, one versus one, opinion versus opinion....challenge versus challenge...is the same all over the earth.....Cheers to all of that!.

Posted by: bm1960 at February 28, 2008 8:37 PM

Woodnwine...maybe those people are just fickle and not players at all. People do change their minds.

NF, I am appalled at your view of the man's rights still being in effect with her dementia. If she does not know who he is, she is experiencing rape night after night and that should not be on in any civilised community. I, for one, would consider it in my duty of care to protect this woman. It has nothing to do with normal marital rights with normal mental functioning. It is a different situation entirely.

Posted by: istj54 at February 28, 2008 8:35 PM

C’mon old fella.

How much “girlfriend nookie” have you scored this year?

Come clean now.

There is no material difference between spending $200 on a restaurant meal and $200 on someone who actually delivers the goods in a professional manner.

One is a gamble the other is a certainty. Don’t knock it. You may need it one day.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 28, 2008 8:30 PM

NF: I don't worry about security cameras for the same reason I don't worry about the afterlife - I'm usually doing what I believe I ought to be. And doing it as well as I can.

So if they were watching me at it, I'd hope they had zoomed in and were taking notes.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 28, 2008 8:25 PM

Clearly, NF, clearly that is so.........K

Posted by: auntykaz at February 28, 2008 8:22 PM

Yes Kaz. Lotsa compassion, and no sympathy at all with "marital rights".

I always believed that if a man couldn't get some girlfriend nookie without buying it by the hour, you don't deserve it, mate, and need to sharpen your act.

And inside marriage, if you can't or won't keep on wooing her into keeping on coming across, send her out to work, too or instead.

Then when you are not supporting her, whichever of you wants what the other doesn't, has a right to demand the right to go look for it elsewhere, on the quiet from third parties.

A right that I didn't have to ask for. When my ex moved into the spare room after 20-odd years, she volunteered that this gave me a right to stray "but don't tell the children." I thought it was very fair of her, but was too loyal to our past to take the opportunity.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 28, 2008 8:17 PM

yes TW and most likely the cctv tape would appear some where on a porn site, such is the decline of things over there.
OG

Posted by: oldergent at February 28, 2008 8:11 PM

Timewarp.

You are closer to the Nursing Home than I am.

The camera might be on you. Think about it.

It’s bad enough the number of cameras around at the moment. Certain major venues have doubled their eyes to close to 1000.

Certain monitor staff at one location were stood down for focussing close up on a copulating couple on the lawns.

Same principles apply to health workers. Stay out of it and stay away or face the consequences

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 28, 2008 8:10 PM

I am unsure of the modern laws, but once upon a time it was up to the Master of Lunacy to act on complaints of people in authority regarding people who were,'non compis mentis'. In regard to the case Kaz is talking about I have no doubt the Master would have issued the necessary restraining orders.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at February 28, 2008 8:09 PM

No

Only for the man

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 28, 2008 8:02 PM

Geez l make one simple comment about elder sex and get all this!!!!!

I don't really give a shit if they have have sex personally.......

Is that clear enough for the macho men here???????

Don't any of ya who love to criticise everyone and everything have a bit of bloody compassion????..........K

Posted by: auntykaz at February 28, 2008 7:56 PM

In an upmarket American nursing home with all mod cons, you'd pick him up on CCTV leaving his room, and watch and record her response at the time, not just afterwards.

Might not even need to be a shrink to notice and correctly interpret her immediate and continuing response, and recognise it as positive or negative. And I wouldn't consider one session's taping to be an invasion of their privacy, in these circumstances.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 28, 2008 7:56 PM

Yes istj, there are laws about rape in marriage, but I am not sure which States have them.

The Femminist Mafia got to work on the legislators a long time ago in order to trash the institution of marriage and marital rights.

It is one of the main reasons why marriage is on the way out as an institution, that and the Family Law Act. It has been thoroughly denigrated by modernistic influences in society who have ridden roughshod over the dominance previously exercised by religion.

The more pertinent point about the demented wife is that it is not up to self righteous uptight warped health workers with their own mental issues, to act on their behalf- they are in breach of their work ethics and medical standards by intervening- the complainant is incapable of making a complaint in her own right, the husband is exercising his marital rights (something that a lot of women on this site should pay attention to, instead of trashing their own relationships by their bad attitude to sex), so there would be no valid complaint to act upon, and no health worker has the god given right to try to intervene.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 28, 2008 7:47 PM

Marcus......l wasn't involved in it. l didn't look after the woman. There was no inconvenience for me. I didn't say she was "unwell" l said she had Dementia...you don't recover from that. I didn't say she was refusing consent. l didn't say he was assaulting her.
Are we clear on that???
Do you understand the legal responsibility those who work in care of others have???
Ensuring wellbeing, safety and comfort...Very simple ideologies that are the basis of the word "care."
Social abuse??? Get off it........K

Posted by: auntykaz at February 28, 2008 7:45 PM

The wife with dementia: I'm with whoever said, "the need to quiet her down afterwards." And I'd look at ethics, not just legalities.

Of course there are are opposing factors to consider, and duties of care to both spouses.

If she is behaving later as if she'd been raped by a stranger, that is one thing. The first and overriding duty of care is to her emotional security.

But if she's searching the room in the dark for more of that good lovin', I'd buy a vibrator, and look for a staff member who was mature and emotionally-distanced enough to be comfortable about pretending it was a physio's ultrasound wand.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 28, 2008 7:42 PM

istj - I was actually coming at this from a completely different angle. Maybe some people think they want a relationship but are pre-programmed for failure for one reason or another so just keep skipping from one person to the next. These people aren't necessarily actng maliciously but their mind is made up before the relationship starts so they just keep hurting people.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 28, 2008 7:36 PM

Auntykaz.
Yeah. Tough call alright.
You have to have regard to her husbands rights. They may not have been having intercourse, he may have been masturbating himself/her so the physical aspect of broken bones etc is less.
Just because she is unwell doesnt mean she is refusing consent and heis assaulting her. That would be a very trick legal area.
You also have to avoid social abuse by denying a couple their rights because it is inconvenient for you.
Cheers Marquis.

Posted by: laughsandtalks at February 28, 2008 7:35 PM

well as it seems i have been down that track and put it beyond me and moved on with life. because life is so short and wasted its not worth trying to repair the relationship if she dosent want to be with you. thats all i got to say dont let it get you down be happy there is more woman out there its a matter getting the right woman .it does hurt and brings pain but you will get over it in a while thats what i did its was not worth saving the last relationship .i had because she was a friggin golddigger and was going to take me out and clean me for good . i have been happy for the last 7 years because i knew i was happy been single and sometimes its hard to find the right woman. and she has made me feel a bit confused now what she wanted she said she wanted to be on a farm and next minute on the way up to qld , next britan , and snowy mountains newzealand how was i going to cope with that take care everyone

Posted by: stonecold3 at February 28, 2008 7:29 PM

Marcus, it is not something l have been involved in if you read my post properly you would have seen that.

The woman in question has dementia, and therefore a cognitive deficit....so how do we as carers objectively view it???
We have a DUTY OF CARE when we look after people...a legal responsibility to ensure well being, safety and comfort....

Yes, the visits disturbed her.....This was what was observed...but why was she disturbed???
Was it because her husband had left her??
Was it because her husband wanted to have sex with her???
Her lack of ability to respond to questions such as these would have made it difficult to assess.
I am talking about a late 80's woman here, one whose dementia was very advanced in terms of mental as well as physical decline.

WTF???? dignity is a basic human right is it not....l didn't know that sex was a right.
More a choice..................K

Posted by: auntykaz at February 28, 2008 7:25 PM

Marcus @ 6.25pm:
1) I'll buy the irrelevance of my comments about the youth/weightloss industry, if you TOTALLY forget that you had attacked a geriatric carer at 2.35pm, and I was suggesting you attack the big industries who try to make elderly sex uncool, rather than one small blogposter who is grappling with becoming more comfortable about senior sex. ,

But that would have been doing something big and wonderful for the world, rather than something small and petty, for Marcus's ego. Virgil also picked you for this at 2.49.

2) The flatulence piece was my attempt to summarise what a number of our female friends had been saying - including SS and ISTJ from memory. Hopefully in an entertaining manner. Sorry it simultaneously went over your head and got up your nose. Hey, that's bandwidth!

3) Male whales go past our miserable 10cc investment each time - or 15, if the woman is a bit plumper - say over 60kg instead of just under 50kg. Way past that, mate.

Their syringes deliver over 100 litres of shot per shot. Why so much? Mainly to power-douche out all sign of the last bloke, before it can do any harm. (Yes, like dogs, they do queue up. But it's lucky last, not lucky first.)

In our case, I believe the design tries to provide a steady supply of the little tadpoles, and a "nocturnal" automatic disposal system, all designed to have a bit of good really-fresh stuff always available, in case of an opportunity to invest it in a promising -looking fund.

I've read a theory that the increase in defective children when the mother is over 35 is not her fault at all. It's his fault for leaving it in storage so long that it risks going off. But I don't know about that. Late-30s women are notorious for being at their most-determinedly receptive, so how did he escape long enough for the next batch to spoil? Do you know, Marcus?

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 28, 2008 7:22 PM

When there are two adults playing..that's fine..both are consenting adults having a good time. When one of them isn't aware that the other is just "playing" thats when its not fair...and thats when the slut/player label comes in :)

Posted by: picklessister at February 28, 2008 7:04 PM

That was just tongue in cheek for your benefit, Marcus...or so that I wasn't forced to say sluts or man hos and be banned from the blogs...I thought you would know what I meant...and I like to live and let live and be non judgemental. Consensual sex is great so long as it is legal. I would never question someones morality unless it affected me personally. Next question...
The sex Kaz was talking about is not consensual as the wife has dementia and is obviously disturbed after her husbands "visits"...that is how I read it anyway.

Posted by: istj54 at February 28, 2008 6:52 PM

isjt54. Why would someone who liked sex necessarily have loose moral fibres (whatever they are)?
How does consensual sex equate with morality in your world view?
auntykaz.
WTF. What is the issue? What is the problem with sex? Where do moral issues come into consensual sex? There are no preganancy or health issues, she is not being forced and presumably agreed to the same vows.
You should be facilititating it; to work against it would be morally wrong by denying a basic human right.

Posted by: laughsandtalks at February 28, 2008 6:46 PM

Woodnwine...JMO...they are in automatic pilot and just do it to feed their egos, narcissism or whatever...perhaps not with the intent to hurt because they don't experience emotions like some and therefore can't empathise with being hurt emotionally....just my thoughts/observations as I am not a psychologist.

Posted by: istj54 at February 28, 2008 6:45 PM

Kaz...legally it is an offense...she is unable to give consent so the marriage vows make no difference at all...I think...is that right NF?

Posted by: istj54 at February 28, 2008 6:41 PM

Kaz...definitely before they are nekked...all those pictures in your head later wouldn't be a good thing:)

Posted by: istj54 at February 28, 2008 6:39 PM

"A Player is someone who deliberatly sets out to win you over, both sexually and emotionally, without there ever being any intentions of a relationship. ....... These people are emotionally corrupt individuals who prey on people's basic goodness and optimism...but they are so good at their games that they are rarely spotted till it is way too late to run!"

Posted by: istj54 at February 28, 2008 12:05 PM

I wonder if some people do this unintentionally or subconsciously due to external influences? I suggest that this may happen from time to time.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 28, 2008 6:36 PM

Not sure of that one TW, and l think it may have been a case of husband and wife, what do we do???? It wasn't where l work and would find it a bit difficult to deal with it myself....

By that l mean, okay, they are married.....he wants sex.....if she doesn't refuse him......what do you do????

Morally l think it is wrong, just my own opinion, legally l am really not sure. Have not been faced wit it myself...

We have a duty of care to the residents to ensure their comfort, safety and wellbeing....But when to step in???..any thoughts anybody??? ..................K

Posted by: auntykaz at February 28, 2008 6:34 PM

Timewarp, many thanks for your loquacious and gracious welcome at 3.39pm. If you're ever down this way I'd be delighted to knock you back, but only after I've had the pleasure of a good few hours' bilateral tabletalk.

Woodnwine, thanks for yours at 4.20pm and I get asked that question a lot - it's not a reference to the Helsinki mob but a reversal of a much-quoted statement by US architect Frank Lloyd-Wright that architecture was "frozen music". Obscure-ish I know, but it's been useful as a conversation-opener. I saw recently some bloke had put "liquid architecture" in his music section - he wasn't my type but it was nice to know I'm not the only weirdo.

Curse this RSVP software, I've had the devil of a time getting it to accept this post. I can only stand so much rejection RSVP, don't make me cry.

Posted by: survivalofthehippest at February 28, 2008 6:32 PM

Marcus...I think the difference btn a player and a person of either sex, of loose moral fibre and lacking self-control night after night after night, is that they are usually refreshingly upfront about what they are looking for...they are honest, a player is not:))

Posted by: istj54 at February 28, 2008 6:30 PM

Everybody must be on teabreak. I'll go chat up some chicks. Seeyez later.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 28, 2008 6:25 PM

Timewarp you don't have to dampen my pocket or direct your verbal farts to Coburg. I am trying to keep some semblance of the relationship/ break up theme going here. I'm not sure what relevance to that your flatulence stories and carcinogens in the Phillipines have unless, and I think this is quite likely, you are trying to attract Aliane's attention.
Some men know what they want and how to go about finding her and as someone famous once said (before he was shot by a firing squad) one slice from a cut loaf is never missed.

You might want to check the tea leaves or contemplate the implications of why a bloke makes billions of sperm in the same time a woman ovulates once and why the same male human has the largest genitals (outright & body mass indexed) of any primate.

Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at February 28, 2008 6:25 PM

Inyerdreams, Robert. She'll be holding you by the ear, and I'll be marching unsteadily ahead, trying to remember which room is which.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 28, 2008 6:01 PM

Naughtyfish. Thank you for your kind warning today about too much viagra making everything go blue.

You know that the only time I ever bought viagra was for a high-70s mate, because her low-80s lover had long since gone from hatstand to bellrope, and they'd now worked through her stash, left from when her husband was alive.

Hey, I'm timewarped, mate, and that's one of the best bits of the anomaly.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 28, 2008 5:58 PM

Strike me lucky Bill, there is hope for us yet, aunty kaz's post @ 5 11 just imagine when we get to the age of her charges being led back to our rooms by her holding our whatevers, makes you want to live that long LOL.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at February 28, 2008 5:55 PM

Kaz @ 5.11pm:

After the first time, what did they do to improve the security of the dementia ward?

I rember a groomsman being quietly locked into his bedroom for the night after the evening wedding of my wife's cousin at Barwon Heads, because the relevant bridesmaid was under age and smitten, and had had a few too many wines for her body mass.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 28, 2008 5:43 PM

JL @ 12.05pm and Marcus just after:

What a perfect contrast: An excellent detailed exposition, and then the simple thought that boys will be boys. Because they're boys.

And that this may sometimes require wallking along beside the table at the party, tasting a finger-hook of the icing off every cupcake, before deciding he doesn't like cupcake icing. So he has a bite out of a rock-cake, and gives the rest to the dog, before trying a sausage roll, and dripping tomato sauce on the carpet.

It's not just girls need retail therapy, is it Marcus? A bloke needs to try on a lot of clothes and then drop them all on the fitting-room floor in a heap, to find out what he feels best in. This week.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 28, 2008 5:32 PM

ok, I joined rsvp to meet someone my age (41) as indicated on ideal partner so WHY would a 23 year old male who gets SLAMMED on the weekends(as indicated on his profile) WANT with me??? please dont waste my time.

Posted by: time4moi at February 28, 2008 5:15 PM

BM l too look after people but the ones l look after are probably much older....the youngest is 78 and the oldest 98 with a good number of ninety somethings in between......
So you can imagine that most are either widow /ers or never marrieds........

I look after only one married couple.

The idea of any of them being sexual is a no brainer for me....Consenting adults and all.....

Except in a situation where one may have no cognitive input, eg, Dementia.....
Knew of one man who would leave his room at night, walk over to the Dementia unit where his wife was, shut the door behind him and come out about a half hour later...leaving the staff to then get his wife back into her nightwear and settle her down.....

That l found difficult to understand, however...........

Marcus, l do agree with your post about men being players...... Yes Marcus, are players the female slut??? .

Istj, also have to say that your post of about 1205 today to hit the nail on the proverbial head regarding this..... Almost like you could read my mind.....check it out anyone who is interested if you havent already seen it..... This girl does raise some valid and very relevant points to discussions, but this one is the beez neez.....................K

Posted by: auntykaz at February 28, 2008 5:11 PM

WnW @ 4.18: Guess you were purplexed by mine at 3.59 to Robert, replying to his previous stir of me, really about me being long-winded.

Mine was supposed to be a series of metaphors, hopefully amusing to at least some, though rather close to the Mel Brookes' "Blazing Saddles" genre:

1) Our clever, therefore easily-bored girls choose short coffee first-dates/test-drives, because they expect the blokes who've kissed them will soon run out of talk = hot air = gas = petrol.

2) Robert and I exemplify the stereotypical older man who is loquacious, rather than uncommunicative.

Talk = hot air = gas = flatulence > old fart. And flatulence is assisted at all ages by the consumption of cooked mature dried beans.

Better to go over your head than up your nostril, I guess.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 28, 2008 4:52 PM

How many dates do you have with a person before you decide? Each one is different. Many need more than a first date in order for them to relax and be their natural selves.Some don't make it past the first date becauses instinct tells you at ain't going to work. And some don't even get to the starting gate. Was actually offered a free evening out tonight to the Carlos Santana concert by a site member whom I have never met but sent me an email and whom I site chatted with 2 nights ago. There was definitely more on offer than a meeting. I declined as the cost (not in monetary terms) was obviously far too high.
Actually pasted a blog near the beginning of this new topic but it took over 12 hours to show up. Didn't think that happened if one has blogged before. OG take note.

Posted by: blueeyes1955 at February 28, 2008 4:32 PM

Oldergent @ 3.49 about free stamps:

RSVP sent me an email offer a coupla days ago - join RsViP for 3 or 6 months, and get 2 free stamps as a bonus.

Nothing's completely free, except the short-life stamp you get on your birthday, to use inside a week or lose. I took the 3 months offer and paid by credit card on 27th. Will get the stamps on March 3, once the offer closes.

COMPLAINTS DEPT: Don't know if they have one as such, but I can let you into a secret. On the right side of this page is a list of blogs, past and present.

Under the heading of "Categories", click on the "Customer Support" one, and there's one been quietly running there for the last couple of months, collecting suggestions and complaints - usually from newbies.

I posted to it recently, to warn an unusually stroppy newbie that what she was saying wouldn't make her look very attractive to blokes. Then thought I'd come down on her too heavy, so sent her a private email to explain. (Don't you hate that idiom?)

That used up my last stamp, so I was glad when RSVP immediately offered me 2 more plus 3 months on RSViP, all for under half the price of a 6-pack of stamps.

Who else wants fewer than 6 stamps at about the usual price per stamp? Suggest you stamp-ede.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 28, 2008 4:31 PM

Timewarp,

Brilliant Blue has not blogged for ages:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2008/02/27/nviagra127.xml

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 28, 2008 4:25 PM

Hippestsurvivor - nice humour but didn't understand the inference to architecture in music ... was that Architecture In Helsinki?

Posted by: woodnwine at February 28, 2008 4:20 PM

Bill - you must surely be running low on options by now the way you date? Anyway, have to admire your stamina at least. Sorry, didn't understand your last post.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 28, 2008 4:18 PM

Robert @ 3.13pm: Not US, old mate. Them sport-playing younger blokes.

The ones the girls test-drove round the shortest possible coffee block, knowing they'd run out of gas very quickly.

Not us mate - at our age we only need an occasional feed of beans to boost the age-enhanced natural abilities.

Which reminds me - must have my next dose. All talked out already, and it's only mid-arvo here.

Late lunch chez moi today is 50/50 Staggs chili and Edgell 4 Beans, with chopped fresh tomato added before microheating.

Then hit the road to pick up a job from a subbie. Seeyez.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 28, 2008 3:59 PM

Bill what bloody free stamps I didn't get any, please direct me to the complaints dept forthwith.
OG

Posted by: oldergent at February 28, 2008 3:49 PM

Survivalofthehippest:

Welcome welcome welcome to the blogs. I liked what you said, so checked your profile, of course, as 10 or 15 check mine each day. (Have just became an Rsvip--er, to get the 2 free stamps.)

Multiple congratulations on your profile. You look gorgeous (man talking, not fashionNazi) and it's the funniest blurb I've ever read - by a league or two. Oh how I wish You were this side of my horizon. It would be a privelege to get a knock-back from you at any stage in the process.

Everybody go look! Stampede! Best read you'll have for yonks, or till she starts writing humour just for us, and surpasses naughtyfish as our most amusing resident entertainer.

PS: Down Marcus! You were being so usefully positive, and then you got into Abdul-shirttail mode there for a moment.

Please try again, but this time please fire some of my bullets at the real baddies: the booze and beauty-industry-funded, womens-magazine-promulgated propaganda lies:

* That sex is disgusting, except for those who are good-looking, drunk and especially also YOUNG,

* That attractive can come only from a bottle of $100 dewrinkler cream or a plastic surgeon's knife, or if you can't afford those,

* That you'll be ugly unless you change to more-expensive versions of foods that have had their vitamin-transporting fat removed, and replaced with hunger-stimulating, couch-seeking sugar, or with artificial sweeteners that required Rumsfield to be recruited to figurehead Monsanto, to nobble the FEDFA so they'd overlook the resultant cancer outbreak that is about to cause the gutsy Philipines to ban all the soft drinks with aspartamine in, including all Coke's diet versions. Next country to be declared an enemy of US economic exploitation?

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 28, 2008 3:39 PM

Thankyou OG...It did eventually dawn on me that there was very little response to those particular posts...a wise decision which I will now do myself. I will say good afternoon to all now as it is time to go and hand over a huge amount of money for a few grocery items!!!
Cheers!

Posted by: bm1960 at February 28, 2008 3:18 PM

Hoy Bill you traitor, we are articulate it's just that some of us are more verbose than others LOL
OG

Posted by: oldergent at February 28, 2008 3:13 PM

bm1960,
The persistant little bugger finally got you to bite, my dear with Marcus if keep responding he will get you to bite sooner or later, Just thank your lucky stars the viper has taken a sabbatical apparently.

Marcus, not everyone is in for the one night stand, what I think a lot of people are looking for could be termed as progressive companionship, (hell now I'm getting PC), some worthwhile things may take a time to happen but are worth the wait, mind you I would agree that in the long term, if we are honest that is the ultimate goal/ rest assured bm, he will have the last word.

Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at February 28, 2008 3:09 PM

WnW @ 12.54pm:

As probably the blogs' most notorious serial dater, maybe I should try to reply first.

I use the first date only to decide if I want a second date. I'm a glass-half-full optimist, so the answer is always predicted to be YES, UNLESS:

1) I detect a Veto Factor for me, eg. discordant buzz-saw voice (not detected before, because she cunningly byepassed the phone, and went from email straight to meeting.) Or smugness or determined dogmatism. I'm too youthful, insecure and fun-loving to want that near me. Let her find another fossilised world-critic, to carp duets.

I've gone to the trouble of listing these personal turn-offs in my profile, to try to discourage people with them from kissing me, or responding favourably to my mistaken kisses.

2) And I hope for a second date, unless she isn't at all physically attractive to me. Which has little do do with age, shape or facial beauty, but a lot to do with her vibes, particularly vivacity. I love a larrikin.

Either I guess that it'd be fun to unwrap her and find out whether I liked the contents (and would therefore hope she'd like mine), or else (sadly, with at least 8 out of 10, and even more sadly, with 19 out of 20 in the over 67s) I can't imagine why I'd want to bother to try.

No GIRL still detectable, anywhere in the old girl. Just the OLD.

3) And I hope for a second date, unless what she has to say has little interest for me, so that she hasn't even held my interest through our first meeting.

Several intelligent, articulate women in the blogs have reported the same problem with males they're meeting, but they hit it a lot more often. Males are by nature, usually less articulate - and especially about emotions. Toyota, girls!

This type of not-for-me woman is no conversationalist, so she's usually fully ready to go after 2 hours' chat, not the 3 hours plus that all the other ones want with me. They're articulate, and I really need that in a friend, let alone a partner.

I'm now looking for a chatmate, even more importantly than a bedmate. I'm a late bloomer, mate (see below) so I was still putting the latter ahead of the former till I was about 25, not 15.

And unfortunately, I was born with an IQ in the top one-half % of the population, and a wish to discuss the non-mundane at some length. And depth.

And I have at last found my intellectual and emotional peers in these blogs, in quantity.

So FD number whatever (not No 300-odd quite yet, ma'am - that's only my kiss tally so far, and only one in 3 takes me to FD) - my next first-date will have to be pretty interesting as well as pretty enfolding, to lure me away from the blogs and eventually into bed.

I'm reminded of all the husbands wishing each bedtime to drag their wives out of an interesting bed-time book, and into a predictable silent very brief one-way-traffic work-in.

I reckon if you both haven't got at least 30-45mins to dedicate to a full-tour work-in, before it's so late at night that you're now too tired to bother with all that, just have a nice 30-second hug and kiss before you snore.

And save the rest for when you can do your lovemaking justice. Which should be before day 2 of your annual holidays, the year after the kids have grown up and left home.

But I digress. When I meet someone at a FD with already nothing more to say that I want to hear, I think NEXT.

And my second date is the same - and I keep enjoying one date after the other, till I hear the first loud-enough bum note. Or she does. Maybe my problem is that my hearing is too accute?

That was lunch, and longer than I could really spare. Your ears are just too addictive!

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 28, 2008 2:55 PM

To finsh this 'discussion', I did not use 'corprate jargon"...they are my own words. I run an independent living facility and what my residents do in their own home is their business, not mine. You may think what you like, insult my management skills, and accuse me of whatever you like...I am a genuine person and am hoping to meet kind, genuine people, be it for friendship or an eventual relationship which is mutually beneficial. Feel free to have the last word, laughsandtalks...

Posted by: bm1960 at February 28, 2008 2:54 PM

Greetings bloggers.

Myself, I'd classify two or three years as a short-term relationship. I wouldn't call three or four months a relationship at all, at best that's a brief affair, at worst a false start.

I've had my fair share of both sides of break-ups. I've found it just as hard to be the dumper as the dumpee. There's disappointment for both parties at the loss of what might have been and finding the right moment, the right words to cause the least damage ain't easy.

Personally I think you can learn a great deal about someone from how they behave in bed. Selfish or giving - I'd rather find out sooner than later.

Posted by: survivalofthehippest at February 28, 2008 2:51 PM

I guess on the bloggs we are not really looking for a sex partner, mabe if we were we would be on our best behaviour.

Maybe as they do in government offices, score points by making co-workers (other bloggers) feel and look stupid, so as to supposedly make us look better.

Posted by: virgil at February 28, 2008 2:49 PM

Kenny,
If I didnt do things I had to think about, I probably would never have breakfast till about 10.30am, maybe miss lunch every couple of days, and never go on a date.

I wouldnt do much work either, because I have to think about that lots before I start doing it.

Posted by: virgil at February 28, 2008 2:43 PM

bm1960 2:25
OK. I notice you have a bit of corporate jargon to sanitise your processes and protect you from prurient thoughts: "senior intimacy" EH? So you won't even think the thoughts of your residents/rellos needs through? That is prudishness and probably poor managment as well.
Anyway, if you are not looking for a partner (sex partner in the broad meaning) what are you doing here?
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at February 28, 2008 2:35 PM

If you follow my comments, you will see I explained that I am not repulsed by senior intimacy at large, just that I think of my residents as kindly relatives and as such don't like to think of them that way...so, I don't.....just like many younger people feel about the idea of their parents......
I am not a prude, but do not like to be thought of being on RSVP solely to increase a catchment area. We are all entitled to our own opinions, and as such, I would like to say that I don't have the same opinion as you do....
Have a nice afternoon....

Posted by: bm1960 at February 28, 2008 2:25 PM

If you want to go on a second date and the other person does as well....you are on your way to a friendship at least... maybe more.
If on the other hand either of you has to think about it....DON'T do it

Posted by: abckenny at February 28, 2008 2:19 PM

bm1960 2:11
Saw your earlier post expressing revulsion at the thought of your residents/relatives copulating. Perhaps you are a prude an can only appreciate your own perspectives. This place is rightly a broad school.
The purpose of joining a site like this is to increase your catchment area for sexual partners.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at February 28, 2008 2:17 PM

I would certainly like to hope that the attitude of dating being only about satisfying "curiosity" of a particular nature are representative of just one person's attitude, not meant to infer that most males, and even females, are looking for just that....compatibility is about a heck of a lot more than just that, in my humble opinion. And, judging by many, many other posts, it is more the norm.......

Posted by: bm1960 at February 28, 2008 2:11 PM

To me, its hard enough choosing someone that will be right for a few months, let alone choosing someone with the idea of spending years with that person.

Surely, a long term relationship is a bonus, not a minimum requirement?

Posted by: virgil at February 28, 2008 2:10 PM

Woodnwaffle 12:54.
Lots of people don't date for a 3rd or 4th time because they understand their processes and needs and know before then that they are not compatable.

Lots of people have satisfied their sexual curiosity by the 3rd 'date' and for many that compatability or not is the great arbiter.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at February 28, 2008 1:57 PM

Hi de hi..providing i have no negative feelings on the first date i am happy to go out again.

BUT I have found though that the guys i meet want full on SIZZLE factor or nothing. Sometimes i think this takes time to develop or can in fact be a bit misleading unless you are just looking for a bit of you know what.

A second date is just that, a chance to continue getting to know each other..not a marriage proposal...i think its more of a big step to go EXCLUSIVE.

Posted by: picklessister at February 28, 2008 1:45 PM

..lots, I would imagine, WnW.

Posted by: decoratress at February 28, 2008 1:41 PM

I confess that I often go with my first instinct on meeting someone face-to-face and don't meet again if the feeling is negative. There have been times when I haven't listened to instinct and ended up realising later that I should have! I agree that this may be hindering my chances of meeting someone who does work out to be a good match, but I guess I have become too self-protective, perhaps even too cynical. However, I haven't given up hope!

Posted by: bm1960 at February 28, 2008 1:37 PM

To follow on from my last post, I wonder how many people have missed out on a great relationship because they didn't take it past the 2nd, 3rd or 4th date due to "preceived" problems .... too busy looking for perfect when almost perfect could have turned into perfect given a bit more time.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 28, 2008 12:54 PM

"WnW, I think it is better to stop a relationship when you know it is not working for "you", even if it seems to be great for the other person. It will just drag out the misery they will feel when it ends. The pain is as bad after three months as it would be after six...so why keep dating if it is not right for you?...It's not fair to the other person to give them false hope."
Posted by: istj54 at February 28, 2008 12:05 PM

I understans exactly what you are saying L, but I also think some people don't give things a fair go. Although things are going well, they expect it to be perfect right from the start when in fact given a bit more time things could indeed become perfect as two people get to know each other better. Some people also have preconcieved ideas about what "might" go wrong (could be classed as baggage) so end a potentially good relationship before they get the chance to find out if it would have worked or not.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 28, 2008 12:51 PM

Something wonderful is happening in the blogs.

More-open revelation of personal feelings, vatues and histories. More-insightful general observations and personal advice. This morning has been SO excellent.

Less-negative opposing viewpoints, and more-amusing entertainment. And no cheap-shot insulting snipers.

I'm with Miranda, except I have to earn my living, instead of being inhabited by a beautiful young actress. But that's As I like It, unless the actress was middle-aged ...

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 28, 2008 12:48 PM

Thank you all so much for my major Flashbulb Moment, when I read this morning's posts for little lunch. You have been so helpful!

My problem has been that I've been acting like a recycled twenty-something, looking once again for a lifetime partner - till death do us, etc.

When I should have been acting like a recycled teenager, just looking for a good-times girlfriend:

Find, fancy, familiarise, fornicate, flourish, fail to keep pulling your emotional and/or physical weight, and/or to keep satisfying the other's basic value system (or she does that to me, as in my last 3 relationships), fall out of love, farewell -

Grieve, get back in touch with all your old friends, get yourself together -

Have

Increasing feelings of deprivation of the

Joys of being coupled,

Kiss some RSVP profiles,

Long to be

Mated again.

Need the loving and the lovin' enough to

Open your heart to the next one,

Pair off again as

Quickly as possible and

Repeat the above.

Simple when you look at it that way.

Take up with some

Upper-middle-aged lovely lady, and share a blissful interlude till she breaks down somewhere along the road, and then

Very regretfully tell her she's not keeping up,

Which means that, as a faithful monogamous man, you can't just add an

Xtra car to your fleet to drive, and keep her washed and polished in the garage.

You have to abandon her by the road-side and

Zero in on your next high mileage vehicle - hail damage OK, but must still have good motor and tyres.

That's what I already do with cars, actually: buy them 3/4 through their life, drive them into the ground, sell them to the wrecker for $50 and look in the Paper for my next one.

And all of you girls who've been so scathing in previous blogs about older men looking for younger women for lovers now, geriatric nurses later, cannot possibly complain about the values behind this course of action.

Because if I'm looking only for someone who can keep up with me now and for maybe a couple of years, then, when I trade her in for faltering on the speedway, I can comfort her with the thought that she doesn't need ME to nurse her in her elderly frailty - there are free nursing homes now.

I think it was FP who made that very valid point, a couple of weeks ago, to general acclaim.

So what do you all think about that approach to coming out of one relationship and preparing for another? (My Eros, I'm on topic for once!)

And Kenny - I did my best to cover the rest of the alphabet for you, mate, but D and E didn't get a geurnsey in this game - maybe next time.

Must go earn my next FD dinner - last night was Dutch because although it had been HER kiss that started it, I'm not co-dependent, or a gold-digger. So it cost me $35 for my 2 courses and 2 drinks, plus 40km petrol to her side of town and back. (Worth a lot more, even to someone as cash-strapped as I am, but I have my principles!)

Seeyez tonight.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 28, 2008 12:25 PM

istj54.
"Player" is a girlie girlie code word used to describe what fems imagine is the male equivalent of a slut.
It really just highlights a lack of gender understanding and what may be important tosome males in the partner selection process.
Cheers MS

Posted by: laughsandtalks at February 28, 2008 12:21 PM

Rather than getting back out there too soon dating, mightn't it just be better to just get out there and have some fun and reconnect with yourself and your life?

WnW, I think it is better to stop a relationship when you know it is not working for "you", even if it seems to be great for the other person. It will just drag out the misery they will feel when it ends. The pain is as bad after three months as it would be after six...so why keep dating if it is not right for you?...It's not fair to the other person to give them false hope.

A Player is someone who deliberatly sets out to win you over, both sexually and emotionally, without there ever being any intentions of a relationship. When they have conquered and used you they usually already have their next victim lined up, waiting in the wings like a lamb to the slaughter. These people are emotionally corrupt individuals who prey on people's basic goodness and optimism...but they are so good at their games that they are rarely spotted till it is way too late to run!

Posted by: istj54 at February 28, 2008 12:05 PM

It doesn't make someone a 'player' if they break up with you or you with them after one, two,3 months. We may think that they have found someone else as its so sudden and while it totally 'bites' to be rejected, some people just aren't compatible.Wouldn't it be best to end the 'relationship' or 'dating ' earlier rather than later if something wasn't right?

However, if someone has recently had a break up, it would be important for them to sort out exactly what they want from the next person so as to not 'stuff them around' just for the purpose of giving themselves an 'ego' boost. This applies for both men and women.

Posted by: nursie1 at February 28, 2008 11:48 AM

WnW, your post on baggage, I have had the bad experience of baggage, it was the obsessional reluctance to let the past bad experiences go and to expect them to be replayed in the present marriage, my mistake was in thinking that all the good things in my previous marriage would transfer to the present one, I expect we were both at fault as neither would bend, each being as pig headed as the other. It seems that in the long and short term side of things, nowadays it seems the norm to expect instant gratification, a generational thing. Then it was not unusual to meet,court, wait and marry, I concede that there were those kids that grew up loving the smell of burnt gunpowder, and the respectability that bought to them,

gg57, the want is there agreed but the caution is there also, as I said to HLL in a previous post on this blog, I think I have found the way to go, problem is to find a same thinking soul.

Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at February 28, 2008 11:44 AM

Ronninfox. A short term relationship might be as short as one meeting- the sort where she jumps you in the car to say 3 or 4 'dates'. 3 steady months in RSVP time would be medium term.
Stamps. Buy the book of 24- they cost 4 bucks each that way. I think I'm onto my 23rd book. You will use them too. Despite what idealists tell you, dating and mating here is best viewed as a numbers game. You have to cast your net wide and far to find a suitable sexual partner/ partners so the more people you encounter the greater the chances.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at February 28, 2008 11:40 AM

For anyone who reads these blogs ... a small request. Please ensure that you put enough information in your profile to reasonably represent yourself, particularly if you don't have a visible photo. I see so many profiles that really say nothing and I think "why bother even putting it up?"

Posted by: woodnwine at February 28, 2008 11:37 AM

Hi ronninfox,
A word of warning on buying and using stamps. Firstly do not buy too many, secondly it might be a good idea to also take up the RSViP offer, you will find a lot of the ladies may not respond to a hidden photo gallery, nor respond when you request to see theirs, but you can check out those that peek at your profile, the Cupids list is pretty stupid as it continually send profiles of ladies who would not be interested in you in a fit. Also do not be offended when males check your profile, I have made contact and have become friends with a couple and got some valuable insights from members with more experience. I would reccomend a recce through the old blogs (see, Archives by Month, right side of page) to see how the blogs work. When you get a kiss and respond with an email it will cost you a stamp ($10) there is no obligation for the receiver to answer that email, in fact most do not, also a lot of ladies will not answer your request for a password to their photo/s. It would be too much to expect this sites owners to put a spot on the RSViP area, O If I send an email will you answer it. yes/no. That would restrict the income we supply. You have already negotiated the pitfalls of posting a blog, well done, welcome to the female dominated world of the blogs and help support the cause of male equality, we need it. Then if you are lucky you will make the aquaintance of some very nice Ladies.

Cheers OG.

Posted by: oldergent at February 28, 2008 11:28 AM

"If it lasted 3 months and was terminated by the other, would she be a "player"? if it was terminated by me, would I be a player?"
Posted by: virgil at February 28, 2008 8:38 AM
Virgil - I wonder about this too. If two people decide to start dating, why would one of them end it before giving it a decent try? This doesn't make any sense to me unless something bad happened or something bad about one person was revealed. Otherwise, why not see it through for a while and see where it leads?

amberlight - you were asking about the term baggage. Obviously some people have different ideas about what baggage means. Personally, I don't feel that I have any baggage. I certainly have experiences, like marriage, but it is just experience ... not baggage. To me baggage might be something like unresolved financial issues with your ex, custody battles, a stalking ex etc. They are ongoing problems that will directly affect a new relationship and will continue to until they are resolved. Baggage and experience are too different things in my book.

gg57 - you said people need to get out there after a split-up as life is too short and to a large extent I agree. Once a relationship has finished, as soon as you know you can be open to meeting others it is often best to get back out there and start doing it. For a start, it will probably take quite a while to find someone you are interested in that is also interested in you and then once you do, it will help you completely move on. This isn't using the next person ... it's just learning to move on and finding someone new that will get your heart going again and lead you in a new direction.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 28, 2008 10:51 AM

while washing the dishes, I got to thinking about an LP I bought when I was 18 by Simon & Garfunkel and a song called "Old Friends" who sat on their park benck like bookends, how awfully strange to be 70.

It was like going to Mars or something, a totally foreign concept, to be 70, double the age of my parents.

In 1965, I had a record by the Who, where Peter Townshend sang "I hope I die before I get old". I bet he doesnt think like that now.

Old and rich, the world is his oyster.

Maybe the oldies dont spend all day bonking, I must admit, that bonking occupies much less of my daily thoughts than it did 15years or so ago.

Hmmm ronin fox, a short term relationship. could meran anything from a half drunk cup of coffee, a one night stand, but maybe it is a relationship that is shorter than you want, but longer than your partner wanted.

Posted by: virgil at February 28, 2008 10:44 AM

Managing one of the over-45 villages might be a bit more of a challenge then!!! :-)

Posted by: bm1960 at February 28, 2008 10:09 AM

The majors in the Nursing Homes industry actually conduct courses for their staff in how to handle and deal with in an appropriate fashion sexual activity by residents.

Senior Management decided that in this day and age the keen jerk reaction by staff of physical revulsion was politically and socially unacceptable.

The courses are designed to assist staff in overcoming this initial revulsion and accept that sexual activity in the elderly is normal and acceptable.

Such training will become more important as the baby boomer generation start replacing the War period occupants.

Baby boomers may well be the healthiest generation in history, better than the Wartime period predecessors, and far far better than their Generation X, Y and Z successors, with their early onset diabetes and obesity from junk soft drink, over consumption of alcohol, inactivity and junk food and junk lifestyles.

It is predicted that Baby Boomer sexual activity post age 60 will be quite active and continuous. So get ready for it.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 28, 2008 10:07 AM

Looking forward to meeting with you HLL, not sure if at Womadelaide or a venue close by, SSC will, provide details of this as we go.

Best wishes
Doug

Posted by: virgil at February 28, 2008 10:06 AM

The WA idea is for 45plus, in a central location, they are called lifestyle villages, take away lawn mowing, ground maintenance add several people of mid 40's to mid 60's and mid 70's say with the active lifestyle of timewarp, and this would seem to be an interesting mix.

Posted by: virgil at February 28, 2008 10:03 AM

Hi virgil: really agree with some of your comments, especially on what constitutes "successful" in a relationship! And "durability", yes, I don't dwell on it either when I'm looking at profiles and meeting people. It's difficult enough anyway, to find someone with some common values and so on, without wondering what they might be like in 5 or 10 years time. Anything could happen ... Perhaps TW is making it too difficult for himself???

And given that at our age we're not looking towards having a family and attempting to create some sort of long-term security for children, I feel the issues are different from what they were when we were younger. Mind you, this doesn't mean I'm interested in a series of one-night stands, as I don't expect you are, just in case that's how some readers interpret these comments!

See you at Womadelaide I hope. SS has my gallery p/w just in case you're looking for me ... cheers Lyn

Posted by: hinterlandlover at February 28, 2008 10:00 AM

just a question from a 'newbie' what is ment by a short term relationship? sorry if it has been asked before.

Posted by: roninfox at February 28, 2008 9:54 AM

And just to clarify...I am not being ageist nor am I repulsed by the idea of seniors being intimate...it is just that I look upon many of mine as extended family, kind old aunties and uncles sort of thing.....I hope you know what I mean....
Cheers!

Posted by: bm1960 at February 28, 2008 9:51 AM

OG: Thanks for your comments, much appreciated, and flattered. Had to choose one of their 'kiss reply' boxes in order to actually send my photo password. Would rather have just given you the password, but nothing is simple on this site! Cheers.

Posted by: hinterlandlover at February 28, 2008 9:50 AM

Oops...sorry for the previous typos....obviously the very idea of my residents being frisky has affected my abilities this morning!!!!

Posted by: bm1960 at February 28, 2008 9:49 AM

Yes, we part of our strategy is to be ready for when the baby-boomers are looking for retirment accomodation. My village is for 55 and over, with an average age of 77. Mind you, there is still plenty of raunchy talk at social events, but I think that is as far it goes!!! (I don't think about it too much as I have to be with these people all week :-)....) I have to address a resident's meeting this morning and will be trying very hard not to think of it...!!!!

Posted by: bm1960 at February 28, 2008 9:45 AM

I havent seen them here yet, but in WA there are villages, for the 45 plus age group, with their own squash courts, swimming pools, tennis courts, etc.

One might expect that people being what they are, with normal healthy appetites, that a bit of hanky panky, I expect would go on.

I feel the nature of these villages will change a bit, as this generation refuses to fade into the sunset.

Posted by: virgil at February 28, 2008 9:39 AM

To Virgil...I manage a retirement village...sad to report that there has only ever been one wedding and one not-so-secret affair in the 8 years I have worked here! At least that I know of...:-)
Cheers!

Posted by: bm1960 at February 28, 2008 9:26 AM

Hi HLL,
That our profiles would never match was already known when I asked permission, thank you for your courtesy and generousity in granting access to your gallery. I think you could put it down to the 50 mark and still get men waxing lyrical. Strangely that has bought up the subject of this blog. When the inevitable decission was made the sense of failure in the marriage was a sadness. The true sense of loss was in knowing that the property (very similar to yours) would be gone and with it the life style that goes with country living was lost too. I have no great desire to get married again, I just need a companion for the social company, the comfort of having someone other than men friends to talk to, a Lady that is sure enough of herself she does not feel the need for a 24/7/365 relationship, that has her own interests in particular, but that we can have common interests.
Cheers OG

Posted by: oldergent at February 28, 2008 9:26 AM

In my teenage years I lived for a time in the YMCA in Flinders St Adelaide.

I had many adventures with like minded young blokes exploring what it is to be young.

We were able to sneak girls into our bedrooms by climbing over a gate, walking up the fire escape stairs and in through the man hole in the roof.

We also learned about alcohol.

As a card carrying member of the baby boom generation, I feel that experience may well be transferrable to a retirement village, so long as the right one is picked, with a good mixture of single women and blokes.

With residents who like Neil young, would rather burn out, than rust.

Posted by: virgil at February 28, 2008 8:47 AM

I dont look for durability in a relationship, and would never think what are they going to be like in 10 years time.

To me, a relationship that lasts a reasonable time, is a successful one.

So what is a reasonable time? I dont know, maybe its different for different people and times.

Say if a relationship ended after 2 years, then that might be called successful, maybe even 1 year?

If it lasted 3 months and was terminated by the other, would she be a "player"? if it was terminated by me, would I be a player?

I am a bit unsure what a player is.

To your predicament timewarp, I am really glad you have chosen to be truthful, even though I felt you may well be a special case.
Maybe think of the bible, where it says we are allotted 3 score years plus 10, and if especially mighty, 4 score years.

Honestly, if I was 72, and wanted to have a female partner, I'm sure I wouldn't be wondering how she will be in 10 years time.

I think you might be taking a process that is hard, and making it almost impossible.

Posted by: virgil at February 28, 2008 8:38 AM

When this site first started 10 years ago, there was a mutual consensus by the Pioneers of Internet Dating that occupied it that no-one would show their age as over 45.

Now that the membership has grown to astronomical proportions, it can only be expected that Religious Age Control Freaks would start preaching the gospel of The Age You Lie in is The Bed You Lie In.

Timewarp.

Talk to some of those early pioneers. They are still on site and still having HEAPS of fun.

And their age is STILL 45.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 28, 2008 8:15 AM

Timewarp: glad you've decided not to be, well, basically dishonest about your age. As ISTJ has put so succinctly, a lie is a lie is a lie. What happens when you do meet someone with whom you have a real connection and you both want to see each other again and again, and one of the first serious things you have to tell them is that you've lied about your age! Very tacky in my humble opinion!

I feel I have a similar 'problem' in that I would almost certainly get much more interest if I put my age down to say 54. And without sounding vain, I really could get away with it. Then I would show up in far more searches which cut out at 55. But it's something I've decided I just have to accept. I want to meet a man who is open-minded enough to realise that age is a number, and by limiting his searches to 55, he may be missing out on meeting a fabulous over 55 year old woman! Especially when the men who are looking for a woman in that age group are usually around 60 anyway.

And yes, amberlight and picklesister, I'm also really turned off by men who say that they're young for their age!!! What is that supposed to mean exactly? That they still behave as they did when they were adolescents? I want to meet a man who is an emotionally mature adult. Better to say that they play this or that sport regularly, or are involved in some things which require a certain level of fitness, in other words, make some statement which demonstrates their physical youthfulness, if that's what they're trying to prove. It may be coincidence, but I find that men who put that in their profiles are the same ones who don't have much of interest to say otherwise, the ones whose profiles you read and get little sense of who they actually are, their lifestyle, values, world view, that sort of thing! [It's probably the same with female profiles, but I don't read them.]

Posted by: hinterlandlover at February 28, 2008 8:02 AM

As for Pain, there are birth pains, pain of physical and emotional injury, pain of separation, pain of loss, lets face it there is pain in living, driving, shopping, working. And there is Joyous pain too..the birth of something..We cant escape it..Then there is the pain of death to look forward to..Basically, learn not to see pain as a negative. Pain is a teacher, so learn and get over it and move on..As we learn ie. not to put our hand on the stove..because of pain we can avoid it. Cheer up it is better to have loved and lost. And be grateful, he obviously wasnt the right one..u have that to look forward to/ An appointment with destiny..he is out there somewhere..the one that wont want to be lost. That should be enough incentive to get back in the game. Cheers

Posted by: sarah8888 at February 28, 2008 5:58 AM

Best wallowing songs (A.K.A. My Two Cents):

Better Alone - Creed
Hate Me - Blue October
Fade Into You - Mazzy Star
Broken - Seether Feat. Amy Lee
Bring Me To Life - Evanescence
Dazed And Abused - Saron Gas
Last Kiss - Pearl Jam
Black - Pearl Jam

Enjoy...no wait...your not supposed to enjoy 'em. lol

Posted by: chrome79 at February 28, 2008 1:25 AM

in the last month i have received 19 kisses and sent out 4.

Maybe this is a passing phase and will be over by the last Sunday in September< hopefully before.

Is it just me? or do some other bloggers sometimes just lose interest?

Posted by: virgil at February 27, 2008 3:30 PM

virgil, you may like to consider sending more kisses out. Do you do searches based on all your criteria. A guy i know sends out 100s of kisses at a time I think. the maximum. People are often better than their profle and photos..

I lost interested in dating ages ago. would rather blog with complete strangers..but I know that will not keep me warm at night. I do not like dating...coffee after coffee..thats why a walk somewhere is idea. Next time I may suggest a walk to Morialta Falls, (scenic national park walk) or join some group like the snorkelling group or go bak to Latin Dance class and post on the profile for someone with that specific interest.

Dating ends up in finding out the persons foibles and there are ups and downs but i dont know if we have too high expectations. and it sure is easier alone sometimes. I think I am at a disadvantage..as I do not feel lonely.

Cheers from Slightsych

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at February 28, 2008 1:15 AM

ISTJ, Virgil, pickle and amber - thanks, you've won me. No spare profile with porky statistics in it, even with a disclaimer below, despite malsie's kind comment.

But ISTJ, it's not quantity of dates that's my problem. Sure I enjoy nearly all of them (and tonight's was really someone - a medium who passes useful messages from the dead to the living, and also a singer who was recruited back then to entertain the troops in Vietnam.)

My problem's not quantity of dates, it's their apparent durability. I'm looking for someone who seems likely to be as active as I expect to be, in ten years time, and almost all of the women that I can arrange dates with, are noticeably older than that.

So I love that idea of an independent third- party professional assessment, and if I can afford one, I'll report the results in my profile.

TLD: Thank you so much for your alternative approach to my problem, and your referral. You really are Miss Helpful, and I greatly appreciate it. I'll follow them up.

This is my early night. Seeyez.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 28, 2008 12:27 AM

Night All!
I've got to pick my dog up from the pound at 8 AM. The litle sh** dug his way out from under the fence for the umpteenth time and this time he was picked up by the Council. By the time I finished work they were closed. I'm pretty sure I've adopted a serial offender, I got him from a shelter in the Riverland and he had been handed into them from (guess!) the Renmark Council pound!! So much for Dog Obedience training! It would be nice to think that a night in the "lock up" would bring him to his senses, but hey, he's a dog. If it doesn't work for some humans.....

Posted by: amberlight58 at February 27, 2008 11:56 PM

amberlight58 11:34
Hopefully you are going to tell us that the night you met said boyfriend you drank Stones green ginger wine?
Cheers MS

Posted by: laughsandtalks at February 27, 2008 11:50 PM

Malsie,
There is no way you even look like a 51 year old!!

Posted by: amberlight58 at February 27, 2008 11:44 PM

For the girls- give yourself a weekend with your girlfriends where you can b***h about the guys, drink a few bottles of wine and attempt (unsucessfully) to solve the problems of the world, then get back out there. Don't necessarily look for a quick replacement but be out there for good company and the needed compliments to remind you that YES' you are a worthwhile and attractive person and have a lot to offer. Nothing comes of wallowing in self pity for too long. Life is too short to be spent miserably and on your own (which is where you will stay if you put out nothing but negative vibes.)
I go out for the evening and when I get home the blog question has changed. Oldergent-you didn't need me at all this time to pose a new question.

Posted by: blueeyes1955 at February 27, 2008 11:42 PM

Thanks, istj54 :)

I actually thought it was a bit of a hoot - I had fun going round telling everyone I may "look" like a 51-year-old on the outside, but in reality.... it made me feel on the right track anyway.

Posted by: malsie at February 27, 2008 11:35 PM

Does anyone remember "Summer Wine" (the drink not the song!) I can remember aged 21, drinking a whole bottle and then spending the rest of the night crying all over my friends because my boyfriend had dumped me (of course, at the time I wasn't exactly unhappy about it, until I drank all the Summer Wine!!)! Not a pretty sight!! Great for wallowing, but not pleasant the next day!

Posted by: amberlight58 at February 27, 2008 11:34 PM

My Immortal - Evanescence

And yes I do remember Lynath!! I got married in the 80's, but we never had a special song

Posted by: amberlight58 at February 27, 2008 11:29 PM

Tim Tams also

Posted by: virgil at February 27, 2008 11:27 PM

Gin & Tonic is good for wallowing

Posted by: virgil at February 27, 2008 11:26 PM

Yes! Unchained Melody
Carpeneters Wallowing and Wedding Singers....remember when everyone had "Close to You" or "We've only just begun" at their wedding?

Split Enz - I hope I never

Posted by: thelynathdiary at February 27, 2008 11:20 PM

4. It's Easy for You (Elvis!)

Posted by: amberlight58 at February 27, 2008 11:16 PM

If I wanted to wallow in sadness, I might choose "Love is all around"

Posted by: virgil at February 27, 2008 11:15 PM

3. I'll Say Goodbye to Love (Carpenters, they had quite a few "wallowing" songs)

Posted by: amberlight58 at February 27, 2008 11:12 PM

Thanks Amberlight
Consensus seems to favour me asking her.

Might be just the thing to get me moving again.

Posted by: virgil at February 27, 2008 11:10 PM

Hi Virgil,
I'm inclined to agree with Marcus and JL (JenLo or JLo ?new nickname) ask her to go with the footy with you. She is a fellow Crows supporter so you should be physically safe! There is nothing like sport to bring out the real persona of someone. You can see the real person at the football, the gentlest nicest people can change completely. You're not worried about you, are you Virgil? :)
Also if the Crows win you will have something to celebrate and if they lose you can cry upon each other's shoulders. Surely a win-win (we hope) situation!

Posted by: amberlight58 at February 27, 2008 11:06 PM

2. Unchained melody. is that a wallowing song?.....dont like it too soppy for me......K

Posted by: auntykaz at February 27, 2008 10:56 PM

Best wallowing in pain songs please>?

1.. Crying

Posted by: thelynathdiary at February 27, 2008 10:54 PM

Timewarp,
there is a club in based in Brisbane called the Forever -Young -Club . It has a website, just type in those words. Miss World 1972 is there!
The people there might suit you as it is not only for dating contacts, but has special interest groups including sport and Xtreme Boomers. You would be more likely to find like minded very active older women.I had a look and there are some really lively gorgeous women in their 60's who are looking for a man. It has a very low monthly fee .

Point of interest....there are plenty of people in the world who don't know how old they actually are due to lost records. parents changing records to hide illegitimacy, or to protect children during wars etc etc.etc.........those people just live their lives acting as young or as old as they feel...age really is in the mind.

Posted by: thelynathdiary at February 27, 2008 10:30 PM

Its an instant turn off when someone says i act/look/play/w*nk so much younger than my age...

Posted by: picklessister at February 27, 2008 9:36 PM

So true sister! Such showing off! How much younger than their age is the burning question? Who wants to go out with a 50 year old who has the sensitivity and the emotional maturity of a 17 year old!!

The other thing I detest are those who insist they have"no baggage". What a load of twaddle!! Everyone has "baggage" whether it be from their childhood or past relationships. The only humans who don't have "baggage" are newborn babes and that because they haven't lived yet.
It's what you do with the baggage from your past that counts. If you learn from your mistakes, deal with your hurt, anger and pain and sort all that learning into easily filed away "life lessons" then you might have the empathy and experience to one day have a mature and equal relationship with a partner in the future. Denying you have baggage is like just throwing everything untidily into the hall cupboard; sooner all later it will just all come tumbling out leaving you with a bigger mess than you started with and possible injuring someone else in the process!

Perhaps that is why we need time after a long-term or intensive relationship, to sort it all out and allow ourselves time to heal.

Posted by: amberlight58 at February 27, 2008 10:24 PM

Hi there GG, in some ways i think you are right..move on..make new friends. But if you meet someone special and you dont find out till a few months down the track that they are still dealing with ex issues thats pretty unfair on you.

I think some people need to sit on the sidelines till they are open and receptive to someone new.

I always need some time out...

Posted by: picklessister at February 27, 2008 10:17 PM

The consensus seems to be not to be creative about your age Timewarp and I would have to agree with that.

Is it really an issue or a perception you have that your age is a barrier to a possible Ms Right Enough taking an interest?

You seem to have great personal integrity. Perhaps if you compromise that then you may just attract someone who isn't worthy.

Stick to honesty, always the best policy ;)

Posted by: dharma61 at February 27, 2008 10:14 PM

What about just being there in real life, say at the bowling club, at tennis, at the gym etc, surely there are women there who will see you in action, they dont ask how old you are, they just look, and think, hmmm yes, maybe or no.

Posted by: virgil at February 27, 2008 9:57 PM

Helllo to All,
Sit and home and reflect and wish....nah..cause the guys get right back out there and so did I
Break-up.....in 2005 I joined this site and met 12 different creatures, then I did a Simone Warne (except I am not as pretty as her) and went back to the .......(guy)

Got engaged and he left me again for a 60 year old in Adelaide (same prob).....
Next day came I back to rsvp....still meeting some interesting people...not found the one yet

ANSWER: Don't wait, life is too short...meet as many lovely people as you can that deserve you.
Would love to hear about and attend your next get together.
Take Care

Posted by: gg57 at February 27, 2008 9:56 PM

Timewarp.
I say add 15 years and talk up your financial assets. That'll get some exercise testing happening for you.
Cheers MS

Posted by: laughsandtalks at February 27, 2008 9:42 PM

Its an instant turn off when someone says i act/look/play/w*nk so much younger than my age..dont go there.

If they tell me they have lied i don't even read on..just think what a loser...some of us don't lie...be happy with who you are.

Posted by: picklessister at February 27, 2008 9:36 PM

Hmm I posted earlier but doesn't seem to have worked???

Posted by: nevertearusapart at February 27, 2008 9:34 PM

maybe timewarp you should go to a gym and have your age assessed there. that way you could say your age is whatever the gym says it is

Posted by: virgil at February 27, 2008 9:24 PM

Hey Timewarp don't worry about the 40 age change, go the whole hog and make it 20 !!!!

As NF says no one cares any more and l will add given the porkies that some men tell on this site...just to balance the scales a bit.

NF good joke that one......

JL, oh dear a Collingwood supporter.....

A very maligned group the Collingwood crew, and l do admit to a bit of magpie bashing as many people do, but will try to curb that.........not to say that l will hugely successful, mind, but l will try.............K

Posted by: auntykaz at February 27, 2008 9:10 PM

I think dating on the rebound is not good - yes, might be a distraction for the person, to repress their misery, but not healthy and not fair to the other party to be used as transitional/medicinal. Although they might feel hurt. lonely and needy, people on the rebound are in no condition to start a new healthy relationship.

After a breakup, people need time to heal; time to grieve, reflect, regroup. After that, it's good to get out and about, mix and mingle again, doing things you enjoy, socialising and getting out and about.

When you're well and healthy again is the best time to consider the possibility of another relationship. This varies - for marriages and longer relationships at least two years; for short ones, maybe the same number of months they were (eg one month relationship - one month; three months - three.)

I think there are a lot of very emotiuonally confused rebounding people on RSVP - the first thing they do when they break up is jump back on-line again. Very unhealthy. And not conducive to starting anything new. Too much baggage and unresolved issues that will be carried over from last time, projected onto the new person. What hope do they have? They only add to their baggage and make it even more difficult next time.

Well, that's just some thoughts from my experience, anyway :)

Posted by: riversong1 at February 27, 2008 8:56 PM

Thanks ISTJ and Marcus for your encouraging words re my football date,

Posted by: virgil at February 27, 2008 8:28 PM

Malsie...well done on the age thing. It shows that you look after yourself and thank you for the kind words last week:))

Posted by: istj54 at February 27, 2008 8:13 PM

Kaz...how cruel life is to Collingwood supporters...but I believe it to be character building...I just wonder sometimes how strong my character has to be.

And TW...a lie is a lie is a lie is a lie is a lie...no matter what. You get enough dates without lying, so why go there?

Posted by: istj54 at February 27, 2008 8:09 PM

Who will hold the cup in the air on that last Saturday in September?
Before last Saturday, I would have said Fremantle, they bought their best team here on Sunday and lost, I dont think it will be Geelongso I think maybe Hawthorn, Maybe Collingwood

Posted by: virgil at February 27, 2008 7:59 PM

Virgil, I did a fitness test thingy at my gym the other day, and was informed I had a "real" age healthwise of 30 (although my chronological age is 51) - of course that delighted me, but the instructor did add that is an "average" based on heaps of people, some of whom are very unfit, so I won't get too smug (only just a little bit) :)

Posted by: malsie at February 27, 2008 7:58 PM

timewarp, I'm in the camp that believes in not deliberately lying about your age on your profile - however tempting and many justifications one can come up with to do so. However, with the addition you're suggesting putting in there, which gets your profile looked at but comes clean straight away - perhaps okay (and I like how you worded it too - had style!)

Posted by: malsie at February 27, 2008 7:55 PM

I think it is that you are able to do so much that many younger people cannot, your outlook is that of a much younger man.

I have seen on these blogs that to lie about age is a womans privilege.

Women deserve equality in treatment, opportunity, so maybe in privilege also.

I wouldn't feel this way about a person whose body age was close to their actual age, as I would feel this would be deceitful. So at my age and stage of fitness, I would never lie about my age, as I feel that there is no way I could be regarded as having a more youthful and agile body than my calender age.

I went to a new age expo a few years ago, where some people had a test to determine body age, it may have even been Seven Day Adventists, that had it, but not sure about that.

Posted by: virgil at February 27, 2008 7:50 PM

Timewarp,
Put your age down to 40 and be down with it.

No-one cares any more, given the porkies that women tell on this site.

Now for something more interesting.

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads,
'If you can catch me, you can have me.'

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5- day/20 pound program. The next day
there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me you can have me'.

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with
him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/ 50 pound program.

'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone. 'This is our most rigorous program.' 'Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good in years.'

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular Islander standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, 'If I catch you, you’re a*se is mine.'

He lost 63 pounds that week!!

See Timewarp.

That’s how it’s done. Tennis is never enough.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 27, 2008 7:47 PM

Or JL do we see it in the Spring leaves...the one day in September kinda leaves.
you know Virgil that one day in September in which we usually find Collingwood....oh no hang on that is where every Collingwood Member and erstwhile supporter dreams of finding Collingwood, hoisting the Premiership cup after just scraping home in the dying moments of the game.....
Or after whupping their opposition by bags of goals. Yep in their dreams alright.........K

Posted by: auntykaz at February 27, 2008 7:33 PM

To pork or not to pork, part Three:

Thank you all for your replies last night in the online savings blog that was closed this morning. But you all answered only my first question, even though I'd asked 2 questions together at 10.01pm last night, which I thought would need to be considered and answered together.

I wouldn't ever dream of trolling a decoy profile showing a false age only. That would be a big fat porkie, delivered at the wrong end of the wooing.

And I certainly wouldn't take off as much as 10 years. I was thinking 8, to give me another 18 months in the well-populated under-65 sandpit.

And I'd definitely have a para at the bottom of my profile's fine print, saying something like:

"There are different ways to measure physical fitness, and that also goes for age. The age above is what my 2 tennis clubs think I am, and it's what most strangers guess. My birth certificate claims I'm 8 years older, but don't take any notice - it's only jealous because I'm younger than it is."

Now friends, on that basis, what do you say?

Must zoom off to my dinner date now, while you help me decide.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 27, 2008 7:07 PM

Virgil...you heard the man...switch to Collingwood and your days of losing and apathy will be over...I see it in the leaves...the autumn leaves...that will be the next blog topic too...autumn lovin'.

Posted by: istj54 at February 27, 2008 6:58 PM

Hi guys, my first time in the blogs, so please bear with me. Dating after a relationship, well I think it depends on the length of the relationship and in my experience men and women cope and "recover" differently. Women take time to grieve the relationship, men find someone else as quickly as possible. Again this is just from what I've seen so far!! As for finding someone on RSVP hmm well I'm having serious doubts it's going to work for me. Oh, I've seen a few success stories, my best friend met her fiance through here and another friend me her husband. I'm getting pretty tired of getting kisses from men who are either old enough to be my father or do not match my profile whatsoever, in fact to the point where it's obvious they haven't even read it!! One guy I met though RSVP last year, well we 'dated' for a while and then I found out he was back on RSVP looking again!! Hmmm, so much for honesty.

OK, so now I sound REALLY cynical. Honestly, I'm a pretty positive sort of person, but I guess this whole process is getting to me a bit right now.

Thanks for listening :)

Posted by: nevertearusapart at February 27, 2008 6:47 PM

He would not be feeling so apathetic, Istj, if he supported a decent team.

Why would anyone take a woman to a game where the home team loses. It usually presages more losing later on that evening.

The players have abandoned drop kicks en masse in the modern game; bit like women really.

Tell him straight out to switch to Collingwood and he might start scoring something other than behinds.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 27, 2008 6:24 PM

Virgil. Yes, as istj54 says.
Invite her to and meet at the footy. No fuss. She'll see you in your natural habitat so to speak, you will be enjoying yourself and you don't have the bridge the gap awkwardness of a 'formal' If nothing eventuates it was still a good outing.
Cheers MS

Posted by: laughsandtalks at February 27, 2008 5:28 PM

No, Virgil, you told us...invite her to the footy and it may change your feelings of apathy...I think those feelings, which I sometimes refer to as being in limbo...you will understand that one...are just part of the ebb and flow of our lives. It is a time to sit back and think about where we are and where we want to go with no stressors. It is actually a good time, so enjoy it for what it is. A time to recharge your batteries, so to speak...Change will come soon...I see it in your blogs....spooky!

Posted by: istj54 at February 27, 2008 4:48 PM

ohh thats what I forgot to mention, she is a big supprter of the crows

Posted by: virgil at February 27, 2008 4:24 PM

I'm just wondering how many people you have to meet before you find someone you click with immediately. What are the odds? Maybe it's just luck ... who knows but it does take a lot of strength of character to keep trying sometimes. One of the problems these days seems to be political correctness ... or is that just me?

Then when you have met someone you really click with, how does that affect your odds of meeting another? This is always a thought when moving on after a relationship break-up.

Virgil ... tend to agree with you that complacency can set in after a while.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 27, 2008 4:19 PM

Virgil...I didn't say that I got bored after thirty minutes...I usually enjoy the hours I am with someone but am not interested enough to see them again...that's why I thought your compulsory five coffee dates seemed to be a good idea...at least for me. I don't think I give anyone a chance...maybe I'm scared to commit...or don't want to lose my independence...I don't know...but only once on a first date was I bored within thirty minutes and that one was a walk around the Botanical Gardens and a cup of tepid tea to follow...SS, I laughed out loud at that suggestion as I had tried it and it had not worked out. he said, "Good luck with your search..." as he raced to his car...you must maintain a good sense of humour to continue here...don't you?
Ask the lady out to dinner, Virgil, n see what happens from there....but not the football unless she is an avid supporter of your team.
Kenny, Step eleven was a good one but I stay in shape for me, not anyone else...on second thoughts loosely in shape...some sort of shape...round is a shape:))

Posted by: istj54 at February 27, 2008 4:04 PM

Dating after a break-up is never easy, because there are so many emotions that you are facing: disappointment, rejection, anger, and depression, which can affect how you feel about someone new.

What about apathy? I hope this will pass soon, because Most of what I feel now, is bored, and cant be bothered.

I like the blogs, like my football, need to get my business going a bit better.

The statistics boxes above tge blogs tell a story, in the last month i have received 19 kisses and sent out 4.

Maybe this is a passing phase and will be over by the last Sunday in September< hopefully before.

Is it just me? or do some other bloggers sometimes just lose interest?

Posted by: virgil at February 27, 2008 3:30 PM

What about dating after dating.

I broke up with my last partner in July, didn't bother dating till January, when I registered here. I have been out on several coffee dates, one particularly good one lasted all day and included lunch and a walk on the beach. Most of the others were pretty ordinary. Yesterday I met a really nice looking woman, appropriate age and a crows supporter.

When I mentioned this to a friend this morning, he suggested I call her, and suggest a date at the game next Saturday evening (AAMI Crows V Hawthorn).

I thought about that and decided I would rather go to the footy by myself.

I recall ISTJ mentioned getting bored after half hour, and wonder if I am coming down with the same affliction.

Maybe I should stop here, as I recall a similar post from piximagic a few weeks ago, along the lines that as we get further away from puberty, mother nature has less interest in us.

Posted by: virgil at February 27, 2008 3:17 PM

Originally I tried the 5 minute rebound.Unfortunately with hindsight that was just me saying I'll show you that I'm still a better catch than that dufus you ran off with and a serious breaking of the heart takes a little longer to come to terms with.
Laughandtalks....Your Jenny Talia,.. she need rest maybe...seriously!

Posted by: aliane at February 27, 2008 2:26 PM
aliane that has to be the best oneliner i've heard all year.

Posted by: abckenny at February 27, 2008 2:54 PM

I've never felt the need to comment on much relating to relationships before. I thought I knew it all hey? Having said that I am presently nursing a broken heart :( and can't believe how long it takes to move on. Dating is just fraught because I know I'm on the rebound and everything seems brittle and I don't feel that I am 'coming across' right. Karina I guess it just takes time and then some more time. Someone said in their comment that you shouldn't mess around with others' feelings when you're in this space and they're probably right. Then someone else said 'get back into someone' and they're probably right also. I hope you feel happier soon. X Pink Frangipanni :)

Posted by: pinkfrangipanni at February 27, 2008 2:22 PM

You mean you want racial overtones, or just a bit of political incorrectness?

Well, here's one then:

I rear-ended a car this morning, on the way to work .....

I tell you, I knew right then and there that it was going to be a REALLY bad day! The driver got out of the other car, and wouldn't you know it!

He was a DWARF!!

He looked up at me and said, "I'm NOT f***ing happy!"

So I said, "Which f***ing one ARE you then?"

That's how road rage started.

Now back to the topic, how long should one wait after a break up.

Is 5 minutes enough- stop vomiting in disgust, clean up, dress up, and get out there.

sorry, make that another 20 minutes to go through the house, collect anything and everything she has left behind, trash it or (in local government areas that still permit backyard fires) burn it in one orgy of celebration, barbecuing will do if open fires no longer permitted but it does ruin the taste of the snags and infects the beer broached with mates in a rousing orgy that turns into a living wake for the dead and dearly departed. Whoo Hoo!!!!

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 27, 2008 2:16 PM

Fish ...glad to see you eliminated the racial overtones of the original joke and made him a bogan instead...very politically correct of you

Posted by: abckenny at February 27, 2008 2:06 PM

Aliane. do you think you could rephrase the 12:39 post too?
After my last break up the first girl I met here was named Jenny Talia. Seriously.

Posted by: laughsandtalks at February 27, 2008 1:22 PM

In the immortal words of the song “How To Get Over A Woman” by The Buskwackers Bluegrass Hillbilly Jug Band:

“Something my grandpa once told me
That he never told my grandma,
Son, he said,
The best way of getting over a woman,
Is to get back under one.” ♫♫♫♫

Having disposed of the topic with ease:-

A bogan walked into the Centerlink office, marched straight up to the counter and said, 'Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.'

The worker behind the counter said, 'Your timing is excellent.
We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful 30 year old daughter.

You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, and he'll supply all of your clothes.
Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips and you will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The salary is $200,000 a year.'

The guy, wide-eyed, said, 'You're bullshittin' me!'

The Centerlink worker said, 'Yeah, well . . . you started it.'

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 27, 2008 12:50 PM

Hi All,

Problem is knowing yourself....yet again. All very well to go out there on the rebound, but you are also playing with other peoples lives and emotions, so think about that first before you dive into the whole dating scene yet again.

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at February 27, 2008 12:25 PM

VIRGIL this morning, on the blog they closed just before I could answer you: Will tell all in this blog tonight, after a bit of wrinklie ping pong this morning, $$ work all arvo then an RSVP dinner-for-two first date this evening.

Everyone else: Step One: Grieve the loss of the previous relationship (not person) for as long as it deserves, and no less, before you look around again.

I needed a couple of years after she walked out on me when we'd been married 28 years, but only one year after my first girlfriend moved on. But I did come out of that mourning more quickly, because another girl had distracted me by making a pass at me, and I hadn't repulsed her.

The other times, it was I who'd moved on, and it took only months to wash that gal right out of my hair. But I'd been preparing myself already before I walked. Or I would have stayed. Totalling maybe a year, before and after the actual split.

Step Two: Keep waiting till you again feel a strong need to have a special other. Wait till you're ready, not when other people tell you that you should already be ready by now.

But don't wait till third parties like your children or your parents give you a permit to escape from their demands, into a relationdhip that sustains you too.

Most of them never will. They're takers, and you are only alive to give to them, not to someone new.

In the late 90s when I had no Internet, I answered over 300 women's newspaper Personals by letter. Only got as far as meeting about 50, and most of them had taken about 4 to 7 years after their breakups/widowhoods, before they felt enough need for a partner again to go actively hunting for one.

And widows significantly sooner than divorcees, which says something. Something that you'd expect.

They told me the other men they were meeting had usually only been out of their last relationship for 3 to 18 months, not years. In much more of a hurry to get coupled up again.

And who knows whether some of those men were actually still married, or at least coupled?

I've heard that a woman typically leaves her man when she must, but a man leaves his woman sooner - as soon as he's lined up a more-welcoming replacement.

Not this man. I've made myself an effective set of virtual blinkers, for the duration. However long that should be.

A comment on advertising in the Paper vs. sending internet kisses: the first gives you a batch of replies to process, who think they'd like to meet you, based on the negligable information you can afford to put in your Ad. And you can choose to meet all or none of them.

RSVP gives tou a virtual thick mail-order catalogue to sort through by day or night, with each item described in a whole lot more detail than in the Paper.

You can bid with your profile for as many as you like, and in my experience of sending nearly 300 carefully-targeted kisses, about a third will licence you to to spend your money on emailing them, and if you don't then put a foot wrong, you'll get to meet 90% of them - twice the effectiveness of answering newspaper Personals. And the people you do meet are far more suitable. No contest.

Exercise calls. Tennis rained out last night, and I'll get old if I don't keep active.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 27, 2008 12:00 PM

OK Karina.
Another too obvious topic offered up and then approached from a predictable angle.
Dating after a break up can be extremely easy. Cathartic in fact, and an opportunity to feel invigorated and alive.
Many relationships end up as difficult shams, especially for the bloke, and it is a relief to be unburdened and unconstrained and to get back into the fun of mating and dating.
Cheers Marcus

Posted by: laughsandtalks at February 27, 2008 11:44 AM

Well, an interesting topic at last ... but who would want to incriminate themself?

Posted by: woodnwine at February 27, 2008 11:05 AM

Well said J L That pretty much sums it up
This whole process can take any where from 12 months to about 5 years depending on the length of the relationship.
Step 11 If it makes you happy continue to enjoy the goodies and the vices because you no longer have to answer to anyone

Posted by: abckenny at February 27, 2008 10:55 AM

God bless you, Karina...

After "breaking up" from a year long internet romance which has ended due to him meeting people...I will be friends and meet new people but am not looking to date. No idea how long I will take to reflect and reevaluate. You go through the, "Oh maybe I won't bother again, all men are the same (not true) and its too hard, I don't want to get hurt again." Also if you have been lied to or things were ommitted that you should have known then trust is an issue. I have friends and was never and am not desperate. Steps I will take is to spend time with friends and family, old and new. To take time to go out more. Realise that no-one is perfect and I am not either and just pick myself up again and get on with things. Regret is pointless and if I can live now and appreciate what I have or even something or someone who has been in my life briefly, well I suppose look at the positive side. An ending is just another door of opportunity to something different. An ending is just change and we know what they say about the best laid plans. How to meet a guy and end up with one when men and I do not like the cornered feeling.

After a real life relationship I took about 2 years so as not to have rebound relationships. Now, I have no idea. Just have to relax and have fun and just not be in a rush..live my life and maybe join the local bocce group..for the social nights or the scuba group/book club. Not rushing is the best thing maybe : ))) Oh and Latin Dancing should be on the top of my recovery programme!!!!

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at February 27, 2008 9:47 AM

Step one: Wallow in self pity with all the goodies and vices available for as long as it takes for you to feel sick of yourself....bore friends and family silly with your tales of woe too...

Step two: Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again...

Step three: Absorb yourself totally in a diet regimen to get off the pounds you have stacked on in step 1...

Step four: Begin an exercise program to also get rid of excessive excessives from step 1

Step five: Apologise to family and friends and thank them for being so empathetic...

Step six: Get back out there with family and friends and appreciate that you have them...

Step seven: Join RSVP and start writing to people of both sexes...just to see the variety of people taht make up this big world....

Step eight: Meet up with some people for coffee and chats...who knows, could be the final step...

Step nine: If all else has failed get on the blogs and "we' will help you...look what they have done for "us":))
and then

Step ten: You will realise that life isn't so bad after all and that you don't actually need someone else to make "you" whole...but just to enjoy their company and companionship...

Posted by: istj54 at February 27, 2008 9:40 AM