RSVP Blog

Okay WnW I only have Timewarps and today122 as I only give out my email to those I have met and value after meeting them. Unfortunately when I was in Brisbane there were some really nice people but during the bloggggers meet did not really get to talk to them at length.

Failing that if you are in the position to email me I would appriciate that.

Posted by: mstingle at February 8, 2008 3:39 PM

Ahhh The AFL season, starts Saturday night, Adelaide play Collingwood in Dubai. till the Culmination in the game of the round when 2008 Grand Finalists West Coast Eagles and Fremantle do battle.

Posted by: virgil at February 8, 2008 3:25 PM

SSS

Thank you for your touching concern, but as every bloke knows, the football season is only a month away, so there should be a mass departure from rsvp about then. Get rid of those white skirted flannelled fools in the middle of sacred football pitches.

And it’s called The East Coast Blues, and, yes, I am committed, due to my constant involvement in festivals. You’d think it would be relatively easy to induce a sheila along; they love this sort of thing; we’ll see. No shortage on site either.

There is no excuse for anyone to stay at home over this period. Get out. Get about. There are festivals (without advertising as they advertise themselves) West Coast Blues and Roots, Point Nepean, Southern Roots (Tas)- pity the main acts who have to slug across the continent for your pleasure and enjoyment.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 8, 2008 2:39 PM

Eeek- but it was you though, right ??
:))))

Posted by: onlinedatinggoddess at February 8, 2008 1:13 PM

mstingle ... I have checked your profile and would be happy to make a few comments but possibly not on the blogs. Do you have my email address? If not, what about another Bris blogger who may know me?

Posted by: woodnwine at February 8, 2008 12:08 PM

Hi All, this is only my second blog in one year,having looked at all the blogs and studying the advice and strategies of you all I feel ready to face the dating scene,am armed with all your advice and words of wisdom,bring it on. All I need now is a date, will someone tell me what is wrong with my profile, only seem to get contact from gents who are over 65 retired and want someone to look after them, I may be 57 but have been told not a bad looking one, very active and intelligent.Any kisses I send seem to reply .....have just made contact with some one else, funny that they are still logging each day. Help!!!

Posted by: sleeplessinseattle44 at February 8, 2008 11:17 AM

Sorry people, not on topic but I suppose it could lead to a dangerous dating mistake if we attract the wrong ones with our profiles.

I am not blogging at present, however I just up dated my profile which will be hidden the beginning of March until after semester 1.

So I have just quickly popped in for you opinion on the changes that I have made.

I would especially appreciate feed back from today122, Timewarp1 (but you can both email me for that if you like you have my email address), WnW, and anyone else that has constructive criticism to share.

I will take into consideration what is shared and alter if I agree with anything said or add to.

You may find the last few sentence of the mail spiel interesting!

Bye for now:)

Posted by: mstingle at February 8, 2008 10:46 AM

NF....loved your poetry...very funny.
Randomname...at least NF has a profile...wheres yours or are you one of those people that hide and give out the jibes??!!

Posted by: pixiemagic at February 8, 2008 10:44 AM

NF: We all need to wallow from time to time, don't forget the imaginary Maldives resort was created from a "disillusioned corner". Its her loss, I'm sure, and yours also which is the hard part. This will not help you feel better but M. Scott Peck wrote;

"Life is difficult.
This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths." (from "The Road Less Travelled.")

I hope that you can hope there is someone better around the corner, eventually. Its bloody annoying when people choose the wrong person for them and we are the right one! As brane once wrote (I think) some potential relationships are a trainwreck waiting to happen. Then its best to get out of it quickly. When you feel up to it, perhaps go to a music festival or several? Like there is one in Byron Bay in April - don't worry I can't go to it
: )) (is it the Blues and Roots Festival or similar?)

General comment, can't keep up with the blog posts and hope the rest of you bloggers are all fine. Happy Chinese New Year...I love that it is the Year of the Rat, with all the talk of cheese (sorry). Go see a dragon dance if you can : )))

ODE, nice to see you posting and ODG
I have copied and pasted your posts also, great!

Play nicely bloggers or at least make up afterwards. Oh and here is a hug to whoever needs it....>:D<

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at February 8, 2008 10:39 AM

*SIGH*
I thought these blogs were supposed to be topical, but the only topic I seem to be seeing in frequency is, "Which one of us can be more verbose and pretentious than the last"
Come on discussions are not supposed to have any emotion other than a passion for the subject!!!
I think it's time for a group hug....... I will start (( ))...... There now doesn't that feel better... :-)

Posted by: mystiemuse at February 8, 2008 10:34 AM

Haven’t you got pilates, or pirates, to go to, yoga or yoghurt, kayaking or shyacking, swimming or skinny dipping, walking and talking, cycling or pikeling, cooking and nooking, or just plain The Ladies Coffee Guild on How To Bushwack Jabberwockees.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 8, 2008 10:30 AM

You have found your metier psychoticbubbles!! Nonsense Poetry!!
Your prose is nonsense too of course, but that's hardly unusual here, and you clearly want to stand out.
Do you also, like your mentor Lewis Carroll, prefer your 'dates' to have 'childlike' qualities?

Posted by: randomname at February 8, 2008 10:11 AM

Beware the Jabberwock, girls, even if he be well hung
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!

He takes his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the rsvp femminist foe he sought --
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And, as the necrofish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left them dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish girl!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
I chortled in my joy

AS the fair haired one heads off and plays with her latest toy,
A pound of cheese my friends,
And brekky with yon Ronald,
Can she see the wood for the trees,
But no she prefers Yung Donald

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 8, 2008 8:04 AM

RandomName

I prefer your post of the night before- the one that got wiped.

It was quite funny, but they that rule the roost here deemed it unsavoury.

Like Richard Branson- give me his multi million palatial spread and his lifestyle, although I would prefer Dick Smith’s eco tendencies.

And calling me a Bi Polar adventurer.

You do seem to be drawn to Adventurer types, but your choice to date has been erratic.

Anyway I’ve got my maps out again.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 8, 2008 7:16 AM

RANDOM NAME @ 2.12am:

Hi, first magpie, faint dawn, egg-laid hen and RN. Just finished work and saw your post - my bedside reading before I snore for 2 hours, then pack my bag, ready to be picked up by FD67, to chauffeur me across the city to the airport.

Decided to have mercy on pixiedust and ISTJ by being more concise than usual.

Question: Could I sum up your post by saying:

"In yer dreams, fellers."

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 8, 2008 6:12 AM

JABBER @ 12.46am (just then)

This time your argument is very well hung. Almost enough to justify that New Guinea wheelbarrow that naughtyfish was talking about , around dawn Thurs.

I think that homophobia and the resultant pouftacontusion are so vehement because they don't see pansies just as female-simulators on the receiving end of some male's rogering, but as men who, as men, should be dishing out the swordplay, not copping it.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 8, 2008 2:47 AM

ISTJ @ 7.13am: Well done!

Congratulations on your perceptive analysis and precise description of the image of me that my blog-postings project. You done good.

"Long-winded" I certainly am. Not quite as lengthy or detailed in exposition as female pers, naughtyfish or any of the ODs. But probably a bit ahead of mstingle, on a day when she was letting more things pass than usual.

Self-promoting in my blog-posts? Yes ISTJ - and shamelessly so.

RSVPfemmes under about 75 don't search for fellers over 70, or in most cases, 65. So at 72 I'm invisible to the age group I'm seeking.

And I haven't yet got round to trolling an artificial lure in the 60-65 zone, where my friends say my apparent age is stalled.

But on the blogs my calendar age isn't printed after my codename, to turn the younger ladies immediately off me, no matter what I said.

Just like you and pixiedust, they have to actually read my postings to turn them off me.

But it doesn't always work. Some of the least egocentric ones have actually told me that they've been favourably impressed by my work. Even Melbourne ones, and some impressed enough to want to meet me this weekend, despite my age. So my posts must be working for my actual target audience.

Narcissist? Right again, ISTJ. I do gaze into the mirror. Every morning. Partly to see if all of my 72-year-old hair (three-quarters of it still brown) has fallen out overnight, like my dad's moustache did, after he had radium treatment for his skin cancers.

But also to see whether I need to shave this morning, or can save a bit of time today for work or play.

You said it annoys you greatly to see my "long-winded commentaries and self-promotion day after day from Mt whereever." (It's Gravatt, actually, not Moses' one in the Holy Land.) And pixiedust backed you up.

Each to his own. Including pet hates. Here's my suggestion: Most people read the blogs from bottom to top, to get the sequence of the trialogue.

When you see my name at the bottom, just fast forward both your eyes past my post, and save yourselves all the aggravation. I mightn't be mentioning you anyway.

Must away. Well past midnight, and I still have to do a Quote and then decide what to pack for my 6 days in Melbourne, which have filled up nicely:

First up, FD67 (that's RSVP first date No 67, for long) drives 16km across town by 8am, to take me back 30km across town to the airport.

Friday arvo I make some local phonecalls to recruit new Melbourne customers for my business. Evening see a movie, before it hits BrisVegas.

All weekend at the bloggers' 4-suburb, 4-event gabfest. Sunday evening silently recover.

Tuesday lunch with my first-ever lover (in 1961, before she went to Oxford). Monday lunch with the woman who introduced me to her, and to my later wife (both at the same party in 1960.)

Monday and Tuesday see some customers, and Wed spend some time with a lovely lady who shall be nameless, but blogs. (Monday and Tues evenings not allocated so far.)

On Wed night back in Brisbane, FD98 drives 35km across town to the airport by 8pm, and then drops me home, on her way home.

Thursday I plan not to start work till 11am. Expect to be feeling my full calendar age by then, and may even have a poppasnore after lunch.

PS: Have decided to keep away from internet cafes for the next week, to give you two girls a rest from your "great annoyance" whenever I post. Enjoy the holiday, while I do!

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 8, 2008 2:26 AM

There's an interesting similarity in the posts, apart from their trivial nature, of both jabbertoolong and necroticflesh.

The issues they each address seem to require both of them to relate chunks of their dating history that feature lewdly inclined women flinging themselves unwantedly at our two hapless romance seekers.
There are a few differences though. The crazed nymphomaniacs pursuing deranged aqua boy all tend to be rich and have multiple degrees while jobupthebung only has your basic insatiable types after him. Who are no match for our man apparently... he meets their frenzied advances with staunch resistance. What a man!

You two should get together, you seem to have SOooo much in common.

Posted by: randomname at February 8, 2008 2:12 AM

OMGoodness, I must apologise onlinedatinggoddess, I did not realise you were asking me that question. And even though it may now be redundant, I was referring to both platonic and romantic relationships. We tend to judge others by how we react and behave in certain situations, and just because someone does not fit with what we imagined our partner to *be* we tend to write them off and not even give them a chance. I know that I have had romantic relationships with someone I had only ever imagined as a friend and visa versa. But if I had gone into a situation with the outcome already decided I would have missed out on some wondrous experiences.

Posted by: mystiemuse at February 8, 2008 12:07 AM

For the record, I think the biggest mistake I've ever made on a first date is turning up.

Posted by: onlinedatingexpert at February 8, 2008 12:06 AM

ODG 4:36PM I enjoyed reading "Dangerous mistakes in the first 3 months" and have noted there are 6 of them. Is there a 7th, one for each day of the week or is there only 6 with the 7th being a rest day.

The topic would make a great willow virtual dinner topic in the future.

I may have a solution, by adding Bobs 5:50PM post to yours a nice balance may be achieved. a bonus will be I can remember the short version.

Posted by: willow1059 at February 7, 2008 11:54 PM

istj54 - thanks, ma'am. This place does wonders for my self-esteem.

onlinedatinggoddess - eeek! I refuse to be associated with that other guy whom you told to help you with your thesis ;-)

warmglo - sent you a kiss in return. I assume all the kisses I receive are encouragement kisses! This assumption hasn't led me astray.

Posted by: onlinedatingexpert at February 7, 2008 11:48 PM

Strewth! Wish a few people happy new year and...

I'm off! Haarrruummpphhh!

GTTC

Posted by: greattimestocome at February 7, 2008 11:25 PM

NF,

Actions speak louder than words - no doubt about it; but this is not a place where actions are perceivable.

Just because you believe that information espoused by individuals is rubbish doesn't mean it is so...some of this stuff actually does work for some people...it just means that it doesn't work for you (me either, in fact), but doesn't make it worthless either; its just another point of view.

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at February 7, 2008 11:22 PM

HI Oldergent,
it wasn't you that I was referring to as disappearing. In fact , you supported my comment. It was Still rocking who disappeared totally.Neither of us was rude but he must have taken offense to our truthful comments. Still after possible clues as to what "childlike' means in a guys "ideal partner comment". Stars falling in showers(slightly altered ) still has not addressed his profile desires.

Posted by: blueeyes1955 at February 7, 2008 10:57 PM

It’s not what you say; it’s what you do.

You may blog nauseously, words are cheap, but people watch what you do in practice and that is what counts.

There seems to be a proliferation of so called experts around here, usually espousing nonsense or plagiarised rubbish.

Big deal.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 7, 2008 10:54 PM

.

KUNG HEI FAT CHOI, everyone!!

GTTC

Posted by: greattimestocome at February 7, 2008 10:54 PM

Bob: I think a person needs to love themselves and be an aware individual in order to love others, whether this be lovers, family, their children , including humanity.

If a person isn't capable of self love there quest for love will be needy to some extent and they will forever look to others to fill the hole in themselves that isn't fulfilled.

To totally love oneself, and accepting both the light and dark sides of the self is true acceptance. Only then can one truely accept another..and then humanity.

Perhaps you are comparing self love with arrogance, which are different.

I'm not sure if can we can even know whether "loving yourself so much that there is no room for someone else" is objective truth, as each relationship dynamic is so individual.

Good question, Bob.................ODG

Posted by: onlinedatinggoddess at February 7, 2008 10:40 PM

blueeyes1955 posted2035.

My disappearance was caused by cooking my daughter and her son a roast lamb dinner then sending them home, so he could do his homework, then I had to do the washing up, and get up to speed in what has been happening in my abscence. I am glad to see that the main subject is being addressed as it is the first time I have entered into this world and it is much more complex than I ever imagined. In my day you met someone got to know her, decided wether you liked each other, if you did, kept company, (and your hands to yourself) and eventually married, lived together for 30 years till death, decided that was enough time, raised 3 children in that time. I suppose I was lucky it was a simple process.

Posted by: oldergent at February 7, 2008 10:30 PM

Hi Pixiemagic,

The previous post saying my question was genuine was mine, not ODG's.

Hi All,

Just to clear the air about my beliefs on blogging - everyone is entitled to say what they feel and think, whether I or anyone else agrees with those views or not. This is an open forum for debate and discussion and, whilst these go on there is no problem. It is when the personal attacks commence and general abuse is in play that we become childish and irrelevant.

Sure, there will always be people with different views and philosophies about everything (and some have very stong beliefs), but their views are as relevant as yours and mine, and worthy of discussion; as long as that discussion does not become abusive mudslinging.

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at February 7, 2008 10:22 PM

somethingwhitty: thanks - I gather that was a "hello" given we live a long way apart. I'm a sometime blogger too but have been too busy to do anything bu read for the last few days. Welcome to the blogs - hope you didn't mind my checking out your profile.

AR

Posted by: archerrising at February 7, 2008 10:13 PM

onlinedatinggoddess...no I meant Bob was tongue in cheek...sorry to confuse you

Posted by: pixiemagic at February 7, 2008 10:04 PM

Hi Pixiemagic,

No.....in fact I wasn't being tongue in cheek, it was a genuine question.

ODG,

I sort of understand the answer to my friends "treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen" thoughts and to a degree she is probably right (though her answer is probably an over simplification of what is really in play).

My question though relates to my particular feeling about "loving yourself so much that there is no room for someone else"; and your thought on this as a part of the relationship package. Am I alone in this or is this a big turn off for others?

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at February 7, 2008 10:00 PM

onlinedatinggoddess ...you totally missed what Bob was saying....it was tongue in cheek

Posted by: pixiemagic at February 7, 2008 9:46 PM

Hi Bob, my response @ 19.02 hrs was a question in response to mystiemuse @ 1842 hrs.

But to answer your question on "treat them mean & keep them keen".. I feel that this is a misnomer and where a lot of people go wrong in romance. if you are mean to someone, they will distance themselves from you, often without explanation. You will get the fade out response, where they hope you just go away.

This isn't about how to play a game, or how to manipulate someone. this is about whether you are generally needy, or whether you can genuinely demonstrate that you'll be an equal partner in the relationship. It's about whether you are capable of *holding your own*in a relationship.

Overcompensating or being too eager to please will lessen a person's respect ( this is true whether it's romance or friendship): It will give the kiss of death to attraction, and it will put a time limit on the relationship.

Some people make the mistake of assuming that if they have a degree, or they can hold their own in a political debate, they offer mental stimulation over dinner. But the mental challenge has little to do with conversation and more to do with whether you expect to be respected.

It has to do with how you relate to your date/partner. It has to do with whether he/she knows that you aren't afraid to be without them.

Its certainly not about being mean at all, but about being nice, which sends a very different message "who I am is enough. take it or leave it"
................ODG

Posted by: onlinedatinggoddess at February 7, 2008 9:42 PM

you guys need 2 lighten up

Posted by: somethingwhitty at February 7, 2008 9:39 PM

hi NF...

saw you mention me in a positive light, a little while ago..
thank you.

Posted by: decoratress at February 7, 2008 8:44 PM

hi ist jay i got stamps now am investing proper now probably not wasting tehe tehe

Posted by: somethingwhitty at February 7, 2008 8:42 PM

to Oldergent and other blogger -it's interesting how some people (stillrocking...) make a comment and when it is responded to they totally remove themselves from the site, especially when they are guilty of what they are criticising others of.

Posted by: blueeyes1955 at February 7, 2008 8:35 PM

nf if its to hard swimming with the current? try gettin an outboard motor they got these new fangled lectric ones u get a coupla hours out of em even upstream this should sort things out 4 ya

Posted by: somethingwhitty at February 7, 2008 8:28 PM

Several years back I went on first date movies followed by coffee. While I thought the company & conversation was OK. The the chat started to get just a little one sided, then came, what I thought must have been the check up phone call from a friend of hers (fair enough). Well she decided to just sit and chat away, no appologies. So after a minute, instead of just siting there I thought as we had finished eating 'n coffees are empty, I'll do the right thing and go pay the bill. Come back she's still talking away after a little while she finally said her goodbyes on the phone. And 15min later we said ours.

Posted by: settledtraveller at February 7, 2008 8:27 PM

me and my future lifetime partner (suzanne)with a z!were kanoodlin in the back seat of my best mates(eddy) eh station wagon (1964 holden)at the dubbo driveinn anyways i asked him 4 a light he pushed the lighter into its position in the dash and waited I didnt notice the chuckle at the time!( was kinda pre occupied)
anyhows when the lighter reached point critical(thermo nuclear breakdown) it would apparently launch itself from its suppositry position in the dash, into orbit!
it bounced 0ff the cab light hit the back seat and burnt a hole in her new blouse ! it ended up leaving a ring worm type brand on her buttocks (not that i ever got to see it)i can still hear eddy laughing and her swearing! I think the movie we was watchin was grease with olivier atom bomb (the older crowd knows wat i am talkin bout) kind of appropriet, I think?

Posted by: somethingwhitty at February 7, 2008 8:11 PM

ta very much jj xxx

Posted by: twoeyes at February 7, 2008 8:06 PM

My biggest mistake was opening my mouth. I am a lousy conversationalist, and an even worse conservationalist.

Posted by: cyclomaniac at February 7, 2008 8:02 PM

Ditto twoeyes........you with the major romantic streak you........VERY impressive :)

Posted by: jenjen57 at February 7, 2008 8:00 PM

ODG,

I am assuming you question @7.02pm is aimed at answering my earlier post; but forgive me if I am mistaken.

If so, the answer is neither and both. It is a general perception of the attractiveness of someone to me that is spoiled when this situation occurs. Its like you look at the photos ......then read the words accompanying.

Its like they are saying "I'm beautiful, but I know it"....I find that most unattractive and am immediately put off...nothing wrong with being beautiful or even knowing you are; its the blatant self promotion that is the turnoff...a definite lack of class or grace.

There is nothing more attractive to me than a beautiful woman with humility....shows she has class and grace.

There is one woman blogger that has this (beauty, class and grace) in spades (I wont mention her name as I know that she would be embarrassed).

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at February 7, 2008 7:59 PM

i will never settle for less than what i want or desire

Posted by: twoeyes at February 7, 2008 7:57 PM

well i didnt realy get to light it you see wat happened was this

Posted by: somethingwhitty at February 7, 2008 7:45 PM

lighting a cigaret

Posted by: somethingwhitty at February 7, 2008 7:42 PM

Aliane,

Don’t let it worry you.

I spend my life taking nips at this Mermaid’s tail.

Sometimes she gets so annoyed she takes a huge flick and a swipe, like this morning’s post, which has since disappeared.

It gives me something to do in between surfing the waves.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 7, 2008 7:37 PM

Are you talking about "settling" for someone romantically or being platonic friends? There is a bid difference between the two.

Posted by: onlinedatinggoddess at February 7, 2008 7:02 PM

Hmmm I know one of the biggest and most dangerous mistakes that alot of people make and that is letting their ego get in the way of having a great time with someone, who may not be ideal but you are better for knowing...... Just something to think about!!

Posted by: mystiemuse at February 7, 2008 6:42 PM

That was a flower that went a bit skew- if on posting :))))

Try again..............ODG

.-.
__ / \ __
( `'.\ /.'` )
'-._.(;;;)._.-'
.-' ,`"`, '-.
(__.-'/ \'-.__)
\ /\
'-' \
, |
|\ |
\ | |
| \ /
\|/ _,
/ __/ /
| _/ _.'
|/__/
\

Posted by: onlinedatinggoddess at February 7, 2008 5:57 PM

.-.
__ / \ __
( `'.\ /.'` )
'-._.(;;;)._.-'
.-' ,`"`, '-.
(__.-'/ \'-.__)
\ /\
'-' \
, |
|\ |
\ | |
| \ /
\|/ _,
/ __/ /
| _/ _.'
|/__/
\
If that was that your round about way of paying me a compliment 2 eyes-Thank you................ODG

Posted by: onlinedatinggoddess at February 7, 2008 5:54 PM

ODG,

I female friend of mine put your observations in 6 words "treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen" - it does work if the person of interest to you is someone you REALLY desire; but might not if they are not - been there, done that (as in pursued someone - not the pursuee).

I have always had a pet hate about both males and females along the lines that "if you love yourself too much, then there is nothing left for anyone else". See heaps of these types of profiles on RSVP (and have met same in real life) and someone attractive to me suddenly becomes less attractive. What do you reckon about this?

Bob

PS My first paragraph was in no way meant to be derogatory of your posting (just in case it came out that way).

Posted by: notgodsgift at February 7, 2008 5:50 PM

and true you are on the topic, but then most of them are as interesting as watching paint dry, and it is only the odd blog entry that makes me wonder what the person is like behind the mask...so to speak

Posted by: twoeyes at February 7, 2008 4:46 PM

odg i dont care about others and what they blog, anyone thats put the time and energy into something like that notation has definately peeked my interest, cos it does sho a level of intellect, that i like, and i wanted to look at the person i was conversing with.

Thats is all

Posted by: twoeyes at February 7, 2008 4:45 PM

Twoeyes...Oh..do I take it that it is ok for some to have hidden profiles and yet be able to blog, but not others???

Im on topic at least!

Posted by: onlinedatinggoddess at February 7, 2008 4:41 PM

Ode- belated apologies, seems I don't need any help in writing a thesis afterall :))))..........ODG

Posted by: onlinedatinggoddess at February 7, 2008 4:37 PM

thanks for the advice odg, but find it hard to take it seriously from someone with a hidden profile...............

and couldnt you have shortened it a bit

Posted by: twoeyes at February 7, 2008 4:32 PM

DANGEROUS MISTAKES IN THE FIRST 3 MONTHS

1)GIVING UO PREMATURELY

This is probably one of the easiest mistakes to fall into. People develop
Feelings for someone, hoping that that person harbors a secret
liking back for them. Theyfind out that the one they've been pining for has no romantic feelings for them, and they get depressed and give up. But giving up is so unnecessary. You just have to
be strategic in your approach. Love is something that is cultivated, not
just is. It takes a little persistence, subtlety, and time –that is all.

What most of us were never taught growing up is that, if we behave in
the right ways towards someone, we really do have the power to
get them to fall in love with us after all. Its all about behaviour-our own!

Yes, it's true that when a persons interest in you diminishes it is not the
time to desperately try to force yourself into their life. That would
definitely make things worse and make a romance with them more difficult
later. But, maintaining a simple friendship would have
absolutely, positively laid a strong foundation for a future love
relationship that still could have been.

But so many give up unnecessarily,
and throw all potential away because they thought fate ended any possibility -It was not meant to be!
It takes time and some knowledge of how to cultivate love, but
if you persist in your application of correct principles in the cultivation
of love be assured you will prevail.
Believe it or not, you have power! You are not a victim of
circumstance, only ignorance. Once you come to know that victory is
just a matter of time, you will smile inwardly at the times when the
one you want resists you or puts you off because you will know their
ultimate fate. Like a parent smiling at their pouting child, you will
know that you will win in the end. Meanwhile, don't give up
prematurely!

2) TRYING TO RUSH ROMANCE TOO SOON

Another very common mistake of many persons pursuing a love
relationship is to try to rush the romance part as soon as soon as they
have an opportunity to do so. We all hunger to hold hands, kiss, and
secure other signs of an exclusive commitment from the one we want.

But pushing for (or letting these things happen too soon) spoils the
chance for the long-term success of the very things so yearned for. By
making the other person wait awhile for the introduction of romance
and commitment to your fledgling relationship, their hunger grows
stronger, and their appreciation of you becomes more lasting when it
finally happens.

Love is a creation of slow growth, and it increases its ability to
withstand adversities that may arise by having a solid foundation of
friendship beneath it first. Once the physically affectionate gestures
and expectations of exclusivity begin, it is only natural for someone to begin to feel trapped.

The only thing that will keep them from running away from
the relationship at that point is if they have a long enough history of
bonding to keep them anchored down.
That is why it is in your best interests to be willing to just be friends
for awhile. When you start showing signs of expecting reciprocation of
commitment too soon it will scare the other person off. Pure (some
say, Platonic) Friendship won’t scare them away, but trying to elicit
romantic reciprocation will. By making the other person wait awhile for
these things, you'll win bigger in the end.

3) NEGLECTING THE OTHER PERSON'S BASIC EMOTIONAL NEEDS

People can't resist being around those who make them feel good about
themselves. The strongest incentive you can provide to make the one
you want start coming around, as well as to keep coming around, is to
meet their basic human emotional needs for attention, understanding,
acceptance, appreciation, and affection.

But when we ignore these fundamental psycho-emotional needs of the
one we want, we do so at our own peril because we lose our very grip
for holding them.

What is love, really? It is simply the give and take of
meeting emotional needs that goes on between people in
relationships. If a relationship is too one sided for too long, with one
person totally on the receiving end, eventually the short-changed
individual will abandon their lost cause. They are really there hoping to
get something back, eventually.

This is an easy one to miss because most of us are by nature so
selfish. But, even in the spirit of selfishness, it is in our own best
interests to have consideration for other people's needs. People like to
be with those who take care of them. We all like to be around those
who make us feel good.

Therefore, by exercising our awareness to avoid neglecting another's need, we can not only contribute to their sense of happiness and well-being, but we can secure their attachment to us as well.

How often we want a person to depend upon us, but we never give
them any reason to think we can be depended upon! We should spend
time listening to another person express their feelings to us, and take
time to tell them the things we admire about them.

4) BEING TOO AGREEABLE

The one you want needs someone they, too, can depend upon. That
means they need someone who is independent of them and
emotionally strong.

When you don't show signs of having your own independent thoughts, they begin to perceive you as a "yes man,” a person who is wimpy and too anxious to please them. It's TOO hard to romantically love someone like that.

Therefore, in order to attract and win someone's heart you must avoid
the all too frequent mistake of appearing too anxious to please.

Most dumpees never quite catch on that the very reason for their
being dumped in the majority of cases is not because they don’t please
enough… It is, in fact, because the person being dumped usually tries
to please TOO much.

There is a principle of psychology at work in romance that says, "Anybody who wants to please me that much has a problem, and I don't want him (or her)."

On the other hand, emotional independence is an extremely ATTRACTIVE character trait, but it comes at the price of appearing less than 100 % agreeable most of the time. Being willing sometimes
to risk seeming at odds with the thoughts and feelings of
the one you want will actually work in your favor to keep them interested and wanting you.

5) FAILING TO DEMONSTRATE INTOLERANCE FOR EMOTIONAL ABUSE

One must never, ever allow someone to go on taking them for granted
or treating them with any degree of disrespect. You must stand up to
them when they act like you don't have feelings. You may think it's a
sign of weakness to admit they have power to hurt you, but standing
up to them is a sign of strength.

More commonly, though, people are afraid that if they assert
themselves to a contrary partner in a relationship that they will be
dumped. And, since they'd rather be abused than be alone, they
continue to suffer being mistreated.

But that is no way to be loved!
So long as you allow someone to mistreat you in a relationship (even
getting away with sarcasm), they will be unable to maintain the second fundamental element necessary for
them to have romantic love for you. That second element, of course, is
RESPECT.

Therefore, you've got a choice to make: Condemn yourself to never,
ever being loved the way you really want to be, or take a stand that
you will only settle for being truly loved, adored, and cherished. Once
you make this decision, you will have taken the first step to turn that
dream into a reality.

Believe it or not, you will become more the person they've dreamed of all along. Command their respect, and romance will bloom where you once
thought all hope was gone.

6) BEING TOO AVAILABLE

The one you desire must not have ready access to you whenever they
want. By making yourself purposely UNAVAILABLE at times you can
increase their desire for you tenfold!

This is true, even when the one
you want may have already gotten into a longtime habit of taking you
for granted.
How many times have we all seen the case where one person in a
relationship become suddenly much less available to the other, and it
turns the previously apathetic, cool-headed, and carefree person into a
raving, infatuated and obsessed lunatic!

The main lesson to take out of this is that, while wanting to be a good
friend to the one you want, you should always maintain a degree of
your independence. If the one you want knows they have you for the
asking, it kills their passionate desire.

And in those kinds of cases, you
have no one to blame but yourself. So, there they are: the most frequent errors of well-meaning, but naïve, aspirants to love.

How frequently have I listened to disappointed parties in aborted love
relationships blame the other person as "someone who just doesn't
have the capacity to love" or some other similarly worthless crap.

Don't become a blamer and a complainer. It's time to start winning at love, not whining about why it's not happening. Love is a predictable
response, based on meeting basic human psychological criteria.

Be assured that you can win the one you want! It is in your power to
make love happen. But it requires a little understanding of the
principles of romance, a little determination, and a little bit of wisdom and discretion.

It is simply a matter of
learning the tricks of the trade, and applying them. Like any skill in
life, the more you know and the more practiced you become at
applying it in life, the more effective you will be.

Happy dating……………………………..ODG

Posted by: onlinedatinggoddess at February 7, 2008 4:26 PM

Coffee for $2.00?

Coles cafeteria, Bingo Nights for Senior Citizens, Nursing Homes, St Vinnies’, Salvos Concert in Park for the desperate and soon to be dateless, CWA meetings etc

Ideal dates for some of the over 40s women, and their male counterparts.

It started off as a jibe at a Crazy Clark mentality liquidation store “Nothing Over $2.00 including sex” that infests certain males on here, and the women who tolerate it if there is “relationship” in sight, and because “we have chemistry you know.”

One assumes that there are actually some men on here who might make the HUGE effort to impress a woman on the first meeting and actually spend $3.00 on coffee (without asking or expecting her to pay half- but sometimes you wonder at the existence of these mythical creatures).

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 7, 2008 4:01 PM

Hi All,

Just in relation to the discussion on body image and the likes and dislikes of other RSVPers.

Said it once and will say it again, everyone here is entitled to seek whatever they like in a partner; regardless of how delusional that might be. If you dont fit that profile, move on, dont bitch about the fact that you dont, and that people are delusional.

Re the Lurkers; again who cares whether people who dont contribute to the blogs read them and look at ours profile - are they causing us any harm by doing so? Its nice to know they find some of the drivel we espouse the least bit interesting.

Blueeyes1955,

"Childlike" - interesting character trait to request....depends on the individual requesting I guess, just another of those ambiguities. Could mean gullible or malleable from a control freak or predator

Kateegirl,

As always short, sweet and to the point; love your posts.

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at February 7, 2008 2:27 PM

Very uplifting subject matter at present ... be honest with yourself and your partner ... have a health check.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 7, 2008 1:51 PM

Hi all, re the HPV discussion and cervical cancer, I am a nurse working in womens health. The vaccine Gardasil offers immunisation to several of the viruses linked to cervical cancer.
Picklesister, it is rare for one person to contract all types of hpv, yes one may have one of the four, so vaccination against the other 3 is still very advisable. Also helps resist genital warts.
Jabba,,,,, multiple pregnancies is not a factor in cervical cancer,nor is obesity or a familial history. Genetics has a role in other cancers though.
Condom use is a great barrier to many STD's, one of the pre disposing factors to contracting std, is multiple partners or a large number. Makes sense as their previous partners become your previous partners and vice versa. Hope this makes a little sense. I believe condoms and vaccination are the way to go.

Posted by: dolphin46 at February 7, 2008 1:13 PM

An amazing bi-product, to me at least of getting a touch of food poisoning etc is the ability to be guilt free in lazing away the best part of a week, watching DVD's sleeping when I felt like it, spending time on here and reading Eckhart Tolle.

This author has provided the reason why many relationships fail at the 3 month or thereabouts mark. it has to do with role playing, this being at a more unconscious level, not with the intention to deceive ones new partner, but just how we see ourself.

Another famous writer, Ram Dass once said to people who thought themselves enlightened, go and spend a week with your parents.

Anyway, back to bed with a good book and a couple of panadols, who needs retirement when we can get sick on an irregular basis?

Posted by: virgil at February 7, 2008 10:36 AM

stillrocking2,
Guilty as charged, I like to put a face to the words, that is why I give more credence to those ladies (pm, istj, and ps) who have the courage to fly their profile. To those who are sick and tired of the drivel expounded by some of the people in this session (and no doubt every other session, not you Bill), do as I am to do, see their tag and skip it, ego needs attention to sustain itself, without it it shrivels and ceases to dribble.

Posted by: oldergent at February 7, 2008 10:30 AM

stillrocking2,
Guilty as charged, I like to put a face to the words, that is why I give more credence to those ladies (pm, istj, and ps) who have the courage to fly their profile. To those who are sick and tired of the drivel expounded by some of the people in this session (and no doubt every other session, not you Bill), do as I am to do, see their tag and skip it, ego needs attention to sustain itself, without it it shrivels and ceases to dribble.

Posted by: oldergent at February 7, 2008 10:26 AM

Shunned by the cat, who is probably out seeking a chemical reaction of his own, I turned to these pages for enlightenment on matters of the heart.

I was briefly distracted by a mental picture of myself at the wheel of a 1/2 million dollar yacht on my way to a date, but was quickly brought back to reality by the bad experiences suffered by the correspondents.

There was something disturbing that eluded my thoughts as I pondered each contribution. Was it the vitriol expressed in the sexual stereotyping? Was it the complexity and peril of the various diseases passed on by intimate human contact? The price of sexual favouurs? Maybe it was the fact that the conversation had drifted slowly off topic.

Then Like a bolt of lightening the question that needed to be asked came to me........

Where can you get a cup of coffee for 2 Bucks?

Posted by: thisblackduck at February 7, 2008 10:07 AM

Well i must larrrf!!!!....one of the last to view my profile was "oldergent",so i thinks to meself "who's this guy"..lol.
Well it just seems he's one of the regular bloggers in here. FUNNY, god 4bid i thought i was attracting males, but it appears he must have read my entry and needed to have a peek a boo...I find it amusing at the amount of "GLAM" pic's people use...If you don't look like the piccy's i view then it's see ya later...( have been on and off this site previously)..

Posted by: stillrockin2 at February 7, 2008 8:55 AM

istj54: people who have met you and taken the trouble to get to know you are aware that you are not traumatised but are infact a smart, funny, gorgeous woman who happens to have independent thought.

Lots of "chinese" whispers on these blogs which is a reflection on the people who partake in them.

A positive attitude may not solve all our problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

I for one know that I have annoyed some, and I am glad that I have if thats what being true to oneself involves.

Posted by: femalepersuasion at February 7, 2008 8:41 AM

Just in case you missed it, SugarBabe.

“Older women become cougars around younger men

By Rodney Chester

February 06, 2008 edited:

Hot older women are choosing to be with hot younger men…

Women in their forties understand men. As men get older, they don't mature, they just get older…

So, rather than settle for an immature guy with a soft belly and bad back, isn't it better to opt for an immature guy who is too young to realise his limitations? …

Because older women wanting younger men is apparently quite common. The US National Association of Retired Persons surveyed its members a few years back and found that 34 per cent of all women over 40 were dating younger men….

Relationship experts say the reasons older women want younger men is more than just the extra "stamina" a younger man offers, or as one describes it, the ability to quickly "re-boot".

Older women are looking better thanks to either more exercise or cosmetic surgery, or both. They have a career and independence as well as being more adept sexually.

Perhaps there's another reason, and that is men and women are attracted to sexy young things. More women are living the fantasy more often now just because they can.”

Think I might just put my age down further so I can be a toyboy.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 7, 2008 8:30 AM

today122 - you make valid points but it sounds like you are suggesting women need to be in control of the "protection".

These HPV's can be caught by women in supposedly "faithful" marriages when the other party strays.

Also a gyno friend of mind says the use of condoms does not stop contracting HPV. If you already have a high risk HPV, immunistion is a waste of time. So its left up to whether your own immune system can fight it off.

Posted by: picklessister at February 7, 2008 8:28 AM

very funny Sexy

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 7, 2008 7:56 AM

Timewarp...annoyed, challenged, interested, respectful, flirtatious, cross, peeved, angry, amused, educated...these are the words I would use...traumatised...no, never...I never react that strongly to what goes on here...and if I were actually a psychologist or a psychiatrist...unlike teh wannabes here...I would say that you, my dear fellow, are a classic narcissist...you waffle on endlessly about yourself which is probably of absolutely no interest to 99% of the readers here...I guess you could say it annoys me greatly to see your long-winded commentaries and self-promotion day after day from Mt whereever...but traumatised...no!!...something for you to chat/gossip about on Saturday.

Posted by: istj54 at February 7, 2008 7:13 AM

morning.
and sorry to interrupt the bait here, but to whoever started the discussion on cervical cancer and HPV. In about 80% of cases, HPV is the CAUSE of cervical cancer. Now able to be immunised against, or better yet, to all of those out there rocking and rolling again after their marriages went west - think, and do whatever it is you do - safely.

Posted by: today122 at February 7, 2008 7:12 AM

I'm not sure your revelatory tales are all that complimentary to you necroticflesh, and even though the honesty is refreshing I doubt it will benefit you.
Have you considered it might be unwise to reveal that all it takes to lure away your bedmate is $2 and a piece of cheese?

Posted by: randomname at February 7, 2008 3:57 AM

I wanted to comment on the facts being relayed to us by jabinthelung aka psychochip, but unfortunately, in all his numerous posts, there aren't any.

Posted by: randomname at February 7, 2008 3:31 AM

no Virgil you did not upset me at all...I think it best just to keep an open mind realising that eveyone has a different point of view.

Posted by: pixiemagic at February 7, 2008 12:22 AM

neuroticfish ... looks like you've sucked them all in again ... hook line and sinker. What the?

This is crap.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 7, 2008 12:20 AM

yeah pixiemagic, thats true, and I felt entitled to have my say as well and i know i havent been on here very long, so please forgive me if what I said upset you .

Posted by: virgil at February 7, 2008 12:16 AM

timewarp1 ...I suggest you get more sleep...you do rave on far toooooo often!

Posted by: pixiemagic at February 7, 2008 12:11 AM

virgil...you have obviously not been on the blogs long enough to understand the full extent of other bloggers animosity at various times depending on the issue and how they feel about that issue...everyone is entitled to their say even if it may upset another blogger!

Posted by: pixiemagic at February 7, 2008 12:06 AM

Hi everyone, I enjoy reading all the blogs. Most are entertaining. I particularly enjoy ODE to whom I sent a 'kiss' of encouragement. If only I was .....years younger. You are so eloquent and informative.

NF I also love your posts.

JenJen you are bubbly and refreshingly honest - go girl.

Posted by: warmglo at February 7, 2008 12:02 AM

ISTJ @ 10.56pm, esponding to mine at 7.01pm: "I have at no time been traumatised by anything or anyone on these blogs."

Perhaps you actually were, but don't remember because you were then blogging "in automatic pilot mode." (ibid)

I could spend an evening going back through the blog archive to let me quote you verbatim, seen communicating with visible heat, which rarely occurs unless the person is either feeling got at, or is busy play-acting.

But I'm focussed at the moment on my happy future, not your unhappy past, so I'll catch up on my sleep instead.

Only four hours last night and a most enjoyable but emotion-engaging RSVP freebie film tonight (Dan in real life) have combined to slow me down a bit. Seeyezall.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 7, 2008 12:01 AM

I am really surprised at the tone and content of this blog this afternoon and this evening. I feel that on the whole, the men and women here seem very respectful of the other. This does not seem much in evidence tonight, unless I am reading this all in a completely wrong way, the camaraderie of the past is replaced by sexual stereotypes equating sex with a monetary value, be it either $2 for some coffee or cheese or a ride in a new BMW or a yacht. I thought the extended discussion of sexually transmitted diseases was uncalled for and I feel this is the wrong forum for discussing them. I don�t know who was right in the discussion or wrong but it seemed that there was disagreement, so obviously someone had their facts wrong. The seriousness of this means to me that it should be discussed by medical practitioners to patients, not people who don�t know what they are talking about to others the same.
I feel there are lies, damm lies and statistics, and the statistics quoted regarding changing partners may be relevant for a small percentage of people in Sydney but is not representative of the wider Australian community. Sure people change partners, many people on here surely retain partners at the normal rate, most likely becoming inactive on here while they were with their partners. Personally I was inactive on RSVP between December 2003 and January 2008. I think the most dangerous mistake made here today and tonight is to discount the value of women to a financial consideration. I mean how pathetic to even equate sex with a woman to the value of the coffee or cheese or whatever. I know one thing, and that I would never have sex with a woman I didn�t care for or like in any way. I have learned my lesson on that point.

Posted by: virgil at February 6, 2008 11:53 PM

ah...no she's wishful, I'm grace and charm, but we do sing the odd duet !

Posted by: graceandcharm at February 6, 2008 11:52 PM

Awwww- yes I missed you, grace, charm and your wit! Don’t get all sensitive now :)

Posted by: ridersonthestorm74 at February 6, 2008 11:36 PM

Awww thanks Rider....although I'm a little hurt that you missed my comments but not my lovely self - ahhh well...you get that :)

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at February 6, 2008 11:25 PM

Wish....how I have missed your BLOG comments...sorry, but I have been a bit busy :)

As for this BLOG: Dangerous Mistakes

Think before you speak when you go on that first date, be you and then you should get that second date if the chemistry is there. Don’t force the girl or guy and most of all be YOU! Leave the acting to the professionals. Ohhh and don’t buy flowers on the first date as that will scare most women …run for the hills kinda stuff! Haha

Posted by: ridersonthestorm74 at February 6, 2008 11:08 PM

Sorry about my early return Jabba...I thought it was autumn but apparently it was just a bit of a cool change. I'll go back into hiding till the leaves fall off the trees...and you become a jabberwocky cos that's waht you are talking...or is that jibberish...and who am I flirting with...fill me in please as I must be doing it in automatic pilot mode.

Timewarp, I have at no time been traumatised by anything or anyone on these blogs. Perhaps you should take idle gossip for what it is worth in real world terms...nothing:)

NF, I tend to agree and would sometimes not want my daughter to do some of the things I have done in life, either relationshipwise or otherwise. Don't we all operate a bit on the do as I say and not as I do philosophy?

ODE, thank you for your latest screed.
You are a wonderful writer and keep your audience entertained as well as informed.

Oohlala, I agree with you about people seeking out equals in looks and intelligence. I also think that similar values are equally important. Another thing that does not come out early is how people react in a crisis. Just a thought.

Virgil, the price a few dates down the track would be dinner, would it not?
I'm appalled that some men think that women are so cheap. what nonsense. It is as though we are still in the dark ages and we are still seeking approval from men. I don't think so. Who's to say we would have any respect for the man? It is a two way street.

Posted by: istj54 at February 6, 2008 10:56 PM

Uh, well this is certainly off track.
In reference to the original post, the statement is partly correct, it may be tough on both parties, but that might be interpreted as a sign that nothings happening.........

Posted by: thehair194 at February 6, 2008 10:48 PM

Well said wishfulthinker03...i agree.

FYI Jabba - "Parvo" virus has nothing to do with cervical cancer. Certain strains of HPV are at a higher risk of leading to cervical cancer.

Early detection of cervical cancer makes it very treatable. Developing this cancer does not necessarily mean its terminal. Hmpph to some of your comments.

Posted by: picklessister at February 6, 2008 10:08 PM

NF...women would like "respect" on more than an "occasion". Not everyone jumps into bed with a new man at the drop of a hat. Money has nothing to do with it. Personally I'd rather see a man with limited assets and a good heart and a decent person than one that is asset rich and has a stunted personality to go with it.....We are not all gold diggers NF....maybe you just look at/for the wrong types, I find your generalisations a little tacky personally.

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at February 6, 2008 9:41 PM

jabbathehung...fraudsters???..so wheres your profile???...hiding are we??

Posted by: pixiemagic at February 6, 2008 9:36 PM

Jabba, where are you getting this information (or misinformation from). I'm no expert but I'm sure parvo doesn't precede cervical cancer. Just for your information too, Jabba, cervical cancer is not necessarily fatal either - you need to get your facts right...specially when you really don't have a clue

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at February 6, 2008 9:30 PM

jabbathehung...what rubbish!!!

Posted by: pixiemagic at February 6, 2008 9:21 PM

As usual the blogs are getting off the topic...perhaps you should request a medical blog!!!

Posted by: pixiemagic at February 6, 2008 9:02 PM

Posted by: jabbathehung at February 6, 2008 6:21 PM

The woman said she only wanted to sleep in your new bed(room). Not do anything else, nor especially with you!

Posted by: origami1107 at February 6, 2008 8:39 PM

Dr jabbathehung, re:

Posted by: jabbathehung at February 6, 2008 8:31 PM

You forgot to mention multiple sexual partners and no use of condomns!

Posted by: origami1107 at February 6, 2008 8:36 PM

Ode, just got through your post..phew.. Will keep you in mind when Im writing my doctoral thesis. glad to see you back..love & xxx's......................... Odg

Posted by: onlinedatinggoddess at February 6, 2008 8:33 PM

to Neuroticfish,
“well look at the rubbish you hang around with that you get off internet dating sites.”

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 6, 2008 6:18 PM

Does this, then, not make you the rubbish; the bottom of the dung heap?

Posted by: origami1107 at February 6, 2008 8:33 PM

I have a craving (like women do for chocolate) for some tough old chook or fat old boiler. Could you knock one on the head for me and I’ll show you how to cook it properly, using 24 secret herbs and spices.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 6, 2008 3:10 PM

Meow. You have reverted to type. I wondered how long that would take.

Posted by: ninaschen at February 6, 2008 8:19 PM

Evening all,

This would be my second post in total so I'm not sure of the rules of this game.

Is there some sort of award for breaking the code and working out what people are talking about?

Or is it more like a bizarre IQ test where if you can successfully follow the bouncing ball (beware it can go in any direction) then you pass and the award is a cipher for future reference so it doesn't completely do your head in?

Just wondered...

:)

Posted by: dharma61 at February 6, 2008 7:09 PM

Hi again. You have all been busy!

TOR 07 @ 6.57am: Thank you for reminding me that the non-existant university was Bristol. I'd forgotten that after 20 years, but you're right. I heard about it on the ABC Science Show from memory, well encoded of course.

Your argument would be sound if the dispensers were under conscious control. But one-eyed midgets are under unconscious control, and the anonymity of the recipients would have eliminated for them the distractor factors that you claimed.

And true or mythic, the ghost of my undergraduate past just loves that story. Science could be fun!

Thislifeisforliving @ 10.23am: Welcome! Your idea is one of the best I've heard.

Oohlala1 @11.29am: Another welcome! Pure gold from start to finish!

You made me wonder whether the matching couples had each got their personalities together, and were therefore happy teaming up with someone similar - but those who have been too soft on themselves either have had no-one, or were discarded by someone.

Causing them to continue not to focus on how they could improve themselves, but instead, how they could parisitise someone nicer. eg. by falsely describing themselves in their profiles, to lure her/him into range.

ISTJ @ 3.15pm: Did you have a grapefruit for afternoon tea, or were you being sweet to me, L?

I must admit that I was buoyed up by the number of Vicfemmes who have separately invited me to Melbourne for this weekend's now-private bloggers' gabfest, either in their blogposts or in emails - including some I'd never heard of before. Be still, my panting ego!

And yes, you are right. I do run a risk of going on a bit in real life, as well as in the blogs, when I forget myself, stop watching who needs to be drawn out next, and start baying along behind a favourite hobby-horse.Tried to avoid that at the Brisbane one, to get in practice.

I'm particularly grateful for your warning about this, ISTJ, because I know that it comes from your own similar traumatic experiences, which must have been painful for you to revisit in my interest. Thank you for your selflessness.

NAUGHTY FISH @ 6.06am and later:

1) No mate: not my style. I still think of going down on a screaming heap as what the bikechain-swinging bodgies told us would happen to us Nashoes, if we ever invaded their territory in Elizabeth St.

2) And I am greatly in favour of the asian custom of letting you choose your own protein live, to be immediately butchered and cooked for you.

My mum's recipe for Battler's Chicken Mornay included one old boiler chook and 3 free-range rabbits, and I don't want any felines in my dinner, whether it's chopsticks, fingers or forks.

So I won't bring you a garotted boiler back from Melbourne. I wouldn't know where to deliver it, would I?

Off to the RSVP free movie at the Regent, and I'm 5 minutes late.
ISTJ, you are right!

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 6, 2008 7:01 PM

that last post 6,28 was dangerous jabbethehung..dangerous misinformation and rubbish.
parvovirus affects animals although one strain B19can cause mild illness in humans and may affect pregnant women. It has nothing to do with sexual activity or cancer.
Cervical cancer does not mean certain death.
Any sensible person will ensure their own safety by practicing safe sex.

Posted by: thelynathdiary at February 6, 2008 6:58 PM

I don’t want to get personal, so no names, no packdrill.

Pose yourself the question; would you want your daughter to do what you are doing?

If the answer is no, then why are you doing it?

Apply that principle across the board.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 6, 2008 6:32 PM

All I can say dating someone the one that you met in internet is 50-50 chance of finding a true person that both of you will gonna be ok.
People can pretend when they're not in front of you....But following your instict thats the best thing we can count on...
We do have different culture and upbringing and environmental society that we grew up.Thats why don't expect to much.....
Use lots of thinking first before making lots of move that you'll regret why it happened(^_^)

Posted by: nel79 at February 6, 2008 6:32 PM

take advantage of her to get the rejects... or at the very least a staff discount on the muffins....

Posted by: thelynathdiary at February 6, 2008 6:31 PM

How about putting it this way.

Most of you women have daughters.

How many times have you disapproved of your daughter’s boyfriends, along lines that “she could much better than that layabout, ambitionless, mannerless unemployed bum etc”

So the daughter turns around and tells her mum, “well look at the rubbish you hang around with that you get off internet dating sites.”

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 6, 2008 6:18 PM

You ladies know exactly what I am talking about.

It’s the blokes you start calling a cheapstake, a tightass, and numerous other pejoratives.

You certainly do set your own standards.

Beats me though why some women content themselves with what is little more than abuse and misuse. And for some reason beat themselves into the dregs at the bottom of the barrel (it’s called self flagellation, lack of self esteem, self inflicted lack of personal worth, low personal values)

It carries right through to the relationship and or marriage and any woman who has ever been married knows exactly what I am talking about, especially when a huge dogfight arises in the divorce over every little teapot, kettle, dog, record collection, placemat, etc

How do you really think the high flyers over at Monaco get to where they are- the ones with humble beginnings but now enjoy the crème de crème of lifestyles. They certainly don’t hobnob with the $2.00 males; they give them the flick quick smart.

So go ahead.

It flows through to other issues.

Set yourself up for a lifetime of abuse and misuse, being taken for granted, treated as a doormat. You have only yourself to blame.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 6, 2008 6:07 PM

In these days of sexual and relatively pay equality, I dont think the expenditure of $2 for either cheese or coffee is the issue, surely it is whether 2 adults felt like it. If I was to attempt to think like a woman, I feel I would rather do it with the person who spent $2 than the person who spent over $100.
Because to do it with the person who spent $2, it is quite clear to everyone that money was not at all a contributing factor.

Even as me, if I went out on a date with a wealthy woman and she spent a lot of money, I would feel a bit used if there was any connection between the money spent, and her request for sex. But I guess for her to have to ask first, I would have to be feeling unwell anyway.

Posted by: virgil at February 6, 2008 6:05 PM

I thought the $2 item was coffee, which is usually about $3.50 these days. Thats where it seems better that sex doesnt come into the picture until a few dates down the track.

If people waited till date 3 or later, the price of coffee on the first date wouldnt be an issue.

Posted by: virgil at February 6, 2008 5:42 PM

I guess I am an anomoly perhaps.

I never do anything for someone else on the expectation that I will get something in return.

Especially a potential girlfriend.

I want someone who wants to be with me because of who I am no other reason. Anyone who needs me to "have stuff" should just leave now!

It seems there is such a fear of obligation people are scared to try.

Posted by: creativestuart at February 6, 2008 5:42 PM

Ahh i agree ISTJ54, I would be way more interested in the book collection than the BMW.

Guys that talk about their yachts, bmw's and beach houses just dont do it for me, even if they do shell out a few bucks for the coffee/lunch/drink.

Sometimes i have paid for the coffee and i definitely have no expectations of him "putting out" in the car park as payment :)

Posted by: picklessister at February 6, 2008 5:37 PM

hey all, not a newb to the site, but new to the blog (obviously), just spent a good few hours reading the backlog and damn.. anyway, not really sure what i was going to say now, recovering from the brownout i just had.. i'm sure i'd already typed up a good msg but meh, it was deleted and it's escaped me now as words often do, sometimes tho you can't shut me up SO.. i think i should practice a lil self restraint and just say HI... i'll think of something funny to say later, but this probably isnt the right forum for that, but half the comments weren't on topic anywho... oh right.. hi and bye! (does this mean i'm no longer a lurker?)

Posted by: xb3njix at February 6, 2008 5:35 PM

In general, if a woman seeks to be respected, she will be. If she seeks a lusty affair, she will have that too. It seems to me that it is the same for the men.
Re the couple and the $2 cheese: If they are both happy with that particular situation, then where is the problem? If it is a cheap weekend for him, perhaps it is a cheap weekend for her too (eg, cheaper than getting a toy-boy) seems to me it is mutually satisfying.
We all set our own standards

Posted by: kianee at February 6, 2008 5:34 PM

Also one other thing........

Sex! I'm not a prude but what is going on?

I had a great sexual relationship once that was great fun, lasted 2 months, but ultimately led nowhere!

For me doesn't romance work like this? .. poke, poke…you’re cute, you’re cute too….. dinner?, certainly…….movie?, certainly…..picnic? certainly……visit?, certainly…… DVD and a snuggle? Yes please….

Kiss….explore……oops we are having sex

!0 years ago when I was last dating it certainly did. Now it seems much easier to get sex than a commited life with someone and I find that sad!

Posted by: creativestuart at February 6, 2008 5:32 PM

It is far cry from the $2.00 Discount Kings who infest this site. Normal males pay for their girlfriend and that is why they almost never have had to have recourse to internet dating, because they are quality males (as they say ?all the good men are taken, the rest are on the internet?) and not losers.

That is just grossly unfair!

I am a 41 year old Gentleman, I am embarassed when a woman insists on paying on a first date and offended by this comment.

I am also a little shy, detest night clubs, don't particularly like pubs and have the same great group of friends I went to school with. I actually hate "dating" but love being in a relationship do must look somewhere.

My ex wife cheated, admitted to never loving me and then left with half of what I had worked for till then.

Now I am here as I still have the dream of a new partner and this seems the most logical place to look.

I would give all that I am and have to someone who actually wanted to make a life commitment!

Yet As it says on my profile I am perceived too old or far away! I have had 3 dates in a year and lots of rejections.

There is an awful lot of rude women who don't return kisses or emails on here.

Also lots who are making decisions from profiles.

For me it has nothing to do with who has what. It is about a shared dream, an actual desire to have a relationship and spend your life with someone. Do single women actually want this?

Any suggestions???

Posted by: creativestuart at February 6, 2008 5:27 PM

Ah neurotic fish get back to be lighthearted....much better to read when you are in that frame of mind................K

Posted by: auntykaz at February 6, 2008 5:16 PM

What is all this crap about women "giving it up"? Isn't intimacy a two way street? If I thought a woman was just "giving it up" I'd want out of there.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 6, 2008 4:49 PM

Thanks stillrocking-the only one who gave me a possible answer to my question. I am afraid I might be reading too much into the description 'childlike' but on asking some male friends I got quite a lot of answers with a sexual leaning. And I did send you a kiss as I was curious to the face that went with the entertaining profile. Not sure how 'alligator wrestling' fits in with your comment 'not much garbage'. Still like to see your picture which you write in your profile as available on request.

Posted by: blueeyes1955 at February 6, 2008 4:27 PM

And I know that men try to impress me with their fine cars and wealth. One told me that my hair would just look fabulous up against his red leather seats of his BMW...I didn't think so myself...I was more impressed with his Michael Connolly book collection...so as we keep saying, "Horses for Courses!"

I do believe taht in htis day and age we can have an intimate relationship with a man without expecting him to pay for everything. That does not mean he values you. It means he has paid for you.
It is a two way street these days.I'm an independent woman and can pay my own way, thank you.
Women are not s**** just because you think they have given it up too cheaply and should have held out for a Rod Stewart concert. Helloooooo!!!:))

That guy with the yacht didn't even have to pay for coffee. He just had to have a yacht. Something isn't gelling here for me. Contradictions are abounding.

Posted by: istj54 at February 6, 2008 4:22 PM

I actually know a woman who is worth $14 million.

If a male thinks he will get away with a $2.00 cup of coffee with her, he is sadly mistaken.

And her personal preference is to be shown your yacht on the first date, so that’s $.5million just to house the on board coffee machine.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 6, 2008 4:06 PM

Istj

Leaving aside the relicts of a past era who think restaurants are still the venue of choice to be seen in, the standard form of entertainment for the In Crowd tends to be concerts and festivals.

Your average concert price starts at $90; a typical festival (say the upcoming East Coast Blues $410).

There are thousands of blokes who are prepared to pay those sort of prices for their girlfriends, because they value them.

In fact I even asked one little honey if she wanted to go to the BluesFest; but you expect to pay for that sort of thing as a male.

It is far cry from the $2.00 Discount Kings who infest this site. Normal males pay for their girlfriend and that is why they almost never have had to have recourse to internet dating, because they are quality males (as they say “all the good men are taken, the rest are on the internet”) and not losers.

And that is even without coming to the issue of sex, but it is far cry from a block of cheese and a McDonalds breakfast.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 6, 2008 3:41 PM

...let's see, you paid for the coffee, so you may touch my arm during conversation...you paid for a wine, so you may look deeply into my eyes..................................as I tell you to come closer......closer......closer and whisper into your ear...."I can feel absolutely no "chemistry".

Posted by: istj54 at February 6, 2008 3:29 PM

neuroticfish - what crusade are you on now ... is there actually a point to these rantings? Do you really think women are influenced by money when making their intimate decisions?

Posted by: woodnwine at February 6, 2008 3:21 PM

...and please, NF publish the recipe for the next virtual dinner...sounds a treat...I hope Timewarp doesn't talk too much about himself or he will be in trouble with the Melbourne ladies:)

I doubt there is more to tell anyways:))

Posted by: istj54 at February 6, 2008 3:15 PM

Timewarp

I do hear tell that you are going to be the principal source of entertainment at the forthcoming Melbourne Boogers Meeting

I have a craving (like women do for chocolate) for some tough old chook or fat old boiler. Could you knock one on the head for me and I’ll show you how to cook it properly, using 24 secret herbs and spices.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 6, 2008 3:10 PM

NF, You are getting into serious territory here. Tell me when should a woman give it up if she is highly attracted to the man?
Is it a question of price? Let's say the cheese was $200 and the breakfast $35.00...and he paid for the coffee??
Are you saying that we should not have sex at any price, or just at such a low cost? A s*** at any price is just a s***, don't you think? Is that what you are saying...that no woman who has respect for herself should have sex?..hmmmm:)) or just at such a low price. She should hold out for a better deal?

Posted by: istj54 at February 6, 2008 3:02 PM

Sometimes the message never gets through.

Some women occasionally seek RESPECT.

You will not be respected if you carry on nauseously about chemistry, “relationships” and give it away for free out of lust or for whatever motivation that reduces you to a service vehicle for a user and an abuser, the type of male that proliferates on this site and wants everything for $2.00. Even a blow up doll costs $40 at one of those shops, so why do women give it away for $2.00, a lump of cheese, or NOTHING, all because there is CHEMISTRY.

These men, by the way, are easy to pick.

Go back through the blogs. They are the ones who start off by wanting the woman to go halves on a $3.00 cup of coffee on the first date.

They are the Discount Specials, The Everything For $2.00 including sex, kings of their own little miserable world.

So instead of respect, you will be treated with contempt.

There is a four letter word beginning with “S” which I am not allowed to use.

But it is entirely apt, because that is it’s dictionary definition.

So get out of bed for once and start drawing a line in the sand.

Do it for your own self esteem, your own self respect, if nothing else.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 6, 2008 2:43 PM

: istj54
lust is good for the soul.life is very boring without it

Posted by: abckenny at February 6, 2008 2:14 PM

Is this the Queensland single gentlemen's club, or can anyone join in?

Willow, I will happily cook dinner for the next grand virtual do. I am going to track back trough the blogs in search of NF's seduction recipes. After his last few posts, I am not at all sure that they work, but we will give them a try...I may be a while working my way back through all the posts so will let you know when I have found them. I seem to remember one with a fire or a bunsen burner...I'll go look.
...and NF, nothing wrong with a bit of lust now and then:))

Posted by: istj54 at February 6, 2008 2:06 PM

"PS WoodNwine: Sorry Michael for calling you Bob in my last - since your hilarious exchange with him yesterday,
I'm getting you two mixed up, but that should sort itself out if I meet him in Melbourne this weekend, as hinted."
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 6, 2008 12:54 PM

That's OK John.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 6, 2008 1:18 PM

PS WoodNwine: Sorry Michael for calling you Bob in my last - since your hilarious exchange with him yesterday,
I'm getting you two mixed up, but that should sort itself out if I meet him in Melbourne this weekend, as hinted.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 6, 2008 12:54 PM

"Oh and please can some guys comment on this? (Women too...!) Magazines say a woman should not "let" a guy kiss her till the third date or something. If there is chemistry and the couple have a full on pash or whatever its called these days (due to lots of CHEMISTRY) at the end of the first date...does that mean the woman is not respected after? As it is all about what the guy things of the woman (in the media) and does it matter??? Some people hug everyone and some like to shake hands...Or give a peck on the cheek."

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at February 6, 2008 9:36 AM

Slightsync - if the chemistry is there, go for it .... I am sure no guy would think worse of you.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 6, 2008 12:13 PM

I don’t want to labour the point too much, but I am sick of the words CHEMISTRY and RELATIONSHIP being shoved in my face, and a lot of the other nonsense that women go on with.

I once asked a woman having a sordid little affair with a much younger man, who, I do believe, was engaged to be married to someone else, what had she gained from the RELATIONSHIP.

Had he taken her on an overseas trip, had he bought her expensive jewellery, had he frequently taken her out to restaurants, theatre, etc. Had he even ONCE taken her out. Yes, just taken her out. don’t count pizzas to break up the sessions of lust.

It might be Women’s Lib but let’s get rid of the nonsense and tripe that women espouse.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 6, 2008 12:12 PM

woodNwine @ 8.57am:

Yes Bob - I was just offering myself as an example of the blokes who don't naively believe that opposites attract, any longer than the initial mystery stage ("What IS she on about?? I only ...")

I'm looking for my match, and I'm wide. So I'd like her to be, too. Then our togetherness can include shared diet and exercise (which we both need in large servings), as well as all the usual togetherness stuff.

But you got me worried with your other point - being unacceptably sizeist, by denigrating the small minority of women who are still slim at our age.

Then I realised they'll be so totally overwhelmed with kisses, that they won't care if there's one bloke in the world who finds them repulsive. So I should be safe. End of smoko. Back to work.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 6, 2008 12:06 PM

Haven't posted for a bit. For those depending on my advice columns as a life-and-death matter, I tried to make up for the absence for a bit of length in the latest installment. Hope no one minds. Heading out now -- catch you later.

Posted by: onlinedatingexpert at February 6, 2008 12:00 PM

HOW TO WIN THE NEGATIVE-EXPECTATION GAME OF DATING

Seasoned mathematicians versed in the wonders of probability, statistics, linear programming, and game theory may read the title of my latest advice installment and decide that the negative-expectation games of Keno and the slots offer more compelling chances for success than does the game of dating.

However, for those math freaks who are open-minded and willing to entertain the possibility of winning the dating game, but who are nevertheless concerned about the long-term losses inherent in any negative-expectation game, as per the law of large numbers (though arguably the serial dating required for this law to kick in could be considered dating success in itself), rest assured that the average human life expectancy allows for some decent swings along the binomial distribution into positive-gain territory.

POSITIVE THINKING EXERCISE #1:
In a very rough sense, we are the optimistic counterparts to the morbid and pessimistic insurance companies. Whereas they expect you to keel over before you can reap your positive gains, we expect you to conk out before you can reap your negative losses. The fact that life itself is a negative-expectation