RSVP Blog

Okay WnW I only have Timewarps and today122 as I only give out my email to those I have met and value after meeting them. Unfortunately when I was in Brisbane there were some really nice people but during the bloggggers meet did not really get to talk to them at length.

Failing that if you are in the position to email me I would appriciate that.

Posted by: mstingle at February 8, 2008 3:39 PM

Ahhh The AFL season, starts Saturday night, Adelaide play Collingwood in Dubai. till the Culmination in the game of the round when 2008 Grand Finalists West Coast Eagles and Fremantle do battle.

Posted by: virgil at February 8, 2008 3:25 PM

SSS

Thank you for your touching concern, but as every bloke knows, the football season is only a month away, so there should be a mass departure from rsvp about then. Get rid of those white skirted flannelled fools in the middle of sacred football pitches.

And it’s called The East Coast Blues, and, yes, I am committed, due to my constant involvement in festivals. You’d think it would be relatively easy to induce a sheila along; they love this sort of thing; we’ll see. No shortage on site either.

There is no excuse for anyone to stay at home over this period. Get out. Get about. There are festivals (without advertising as they advertise themselves) West Coast Blues and Roots, Point Nepean, Southern Roots (Tas)- pity the main acts who have to slug across the continent for your pleasure and enjoyment.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 8, 2008 2:39 PM

Eeek- but it was you though, right ??
:))))

Posted by: onlinedatinggoddess at February 8, 2008 1:13 PM

mstingle ... I have checked your profile and would be happy to make a few comments but possibly not on the blogs. Do you have my email address? If not, what about another Bris blogger who may know me?

Posted by: woodnwine at February 8, 2008 12:08 PM

Hi All, this is only my second blog in one year,having looked at all the blogs and studying the advice and strategies of you all I feel ready to face the dating scene,am armed with all your advice and words of wisdom,bring it on. All I need now is a date, will someone tell me what is wrong with my profile, only seem to get contact from gents who are over 65 retired and want someone to look after them, I may be 57 but have been told not a bad looking one, very active and intelligent.Any kisses I send seem to reply .....have just made contact with some one else, funny that they are still logging each day. Help!!!

Posted by: sleeplessinseattle44 at February 8, 2008 11:17 AM

Sorry people, not on topic but I suppose it could lead to a dangerous dating mistake if we attract the wrong ones with our profiles.

I am not blogging at present, however I just up dated my profile which will be hidden the beginning of March until after semester 1.

So I have just quickly popped in for you opinion on the changes that I have made.

I would especially appreciate feed back from today122, Timewarp1 (but you can both email me for that if you like you have my email address), WnW, and anyone else that has constructive criticism to share.

I will take into consideration what is shared and alter if I agree with anything said or add to.

You may find the last few sentence of the mail spiel interesting!

Bye for now:)

Posted by: mstingle at February 8, 2008 10:46 AM

NF....loved your poetry...very funny.
Randomname...at least NF has a profile...wheres yours or are you one of those people that hide and give out the jibes??!!

Posted by: pixiemagic at February 8, 2008 10:44 AM

NF: We all need to wallow from time to time, don't forget the imaginary Maldives resort was created from a "disillusioned corner". Its her loss, I'm sure, and yours also which is the hard part. This will not help you feel better but M. Scott Peck wrote;

"Life is difficult.
This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths." (from "The Road Less Travelled.")

I hope that you can hope there is someone better around the corner, eventually. Its bloody annoying when people choose the wrong person for them and we are the right one! As brane once wrote (I think) some potential relationships are a trainwreck waiting to happen. Then its best to get out of it quickly. When you feel up to it, perhaps go to a music festival or several? Like there is one in Byron Bay in April - don't worry I can't go to it
: )) (is it the Blues and Roots Festival or similar?)

General comment, can't keep up with the blog posts and hope the rest of you bloggers are all fine. Happy Chinese New Year...I love that it is the Year of the Rat, with all the talk of cheese (sorry). Go see a dragon dance if you can : )))

ODE, nice to see you posting and ODG
I have copied and pasted your posts also, great!

Play nicely bloggers or at least make up afterwards. Oh and here is a hug to whoever needs it....>:D<

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at February 8, 2008 10:39 AM

*SIGH*
I thought these blogs were supposed to be topical, but the only topic I seem to be seeing in frequency is, "Which one of us can be more verbose and pretentious than the last"
Come on discussions are not supposed to have any emotion other than a passion for the subject!!!
I think it's time for a group hug....... I will start (( ))...... There now doesn't that feel better... :-)

Posted by: mystiemuse at February 8, 2008 10:34 AM

Haven’t you got pilates, or pirates, to go to, yoga or yoghurt, kayaking or shyacking, swimming or skinny dipping, walking and talking, cycling or pikeling, cooking and nooking, or just plain The Ladies Coffee Guild on How To Bushwack Jabberwockees.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 8, 2008 10:30 AM

You have found your metier psychoticbubbles!! Nonsense Poetry!!
Your prose is nonsense too of course, but that's hardly unusual here, and you clearly want to stand out.
Do you also, like your mentor Lewis Carroll, prefer your 'dates' to have 'childlike' qualities?

Posted by: randomname at February 8, 2008 10:11 AM

Beware the Jabberwock, girls, even if he be well hung
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!

He takes his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the rsvp femminist foe he sought --
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And, as the necrofish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left them dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish girl!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
I chortled in my joy

AS the fair haired one heads off and plays with her latest toy,
A pound of cheese my friends,
And brekky with yon Ronald,
Can she see the wood for the trees,
But no she prefers Yung Donald

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 8, 2008 8:04 AM

RandomName

I prefer your post of the night before- the one that got wiped.

It was quite funny, but they that rule the roost here deemed it unsavoury.

Like Richard Branson- give me his multi million palatial spread and his lifestyle, although I would prefer Dick Smith’s eco tendencies.

And calling me a Bi Polar adventurer.

You do seem to be drawn to Adventurer types, but your choice to date has been erratic.

Anyway I’ve got my maps out again.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 8, 2008 7:16 AM

RANDOM NAME @ 2.12am:

Hi, first magpie, faint dawn, egg-laid hen and RN. Just finished work and saw your post - my bedside reading before I snore for 2 hours, then pack my bag, ready to be picked up by FD67, to chauffeur me across the city to the airport.

Decided to have mercy on pixiedust and ISTJ by being more concise than usual.

Question: Could I sum up your post by saying:

"In yer dreams, fellers."

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 8, 2008 6:12 AM

JABBER @ 12.46am (just then)

This time your argument is very well hung. Almost enough to justify that New Guinea wheelbarrow that naughtyfish was talking about , around dawn Thurs.

I think that homophobia and the resultant pouftacontusion are so vehement because they don't see pansies just as female-simulators on the receiving end of some male's rogering, but as men who, as men, should be dishing out the swordplay, not copping it.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 8, 2008 2:47 AM

ISTJ @ 7.13am: Well done!

Congratulations on your perceptive analysis and precise description of the image of me that my blog-postings project. You done good.

"Long-winded" I certainly am. Not quite as lengthy or detailed in exposition as female pers, naughtyfish or any of the ODs. But probably a bit ahead of mstingle, on a day when she was letting more things pass than usual.

Self-promoting in my blog-posts? Yes ISTJ - and shamelessly so.

RSVPfemmes under about 75 don't search for fellers over 70, or in most cases, 65. So at 72 I'm invisible to the age group I'm seeking.

And I haven't yet got round to trolling an artificial lure in the 60-65 zone, where my friends say my apparent age is stalled.

But on the blogs my calendar age isn't printed after my codename, to turn the younger ladies immediately off me, no matter what I said.

Just like you and pixiedust, they have to actually read my postings to turn them off me.

But it doesn't always work. Some of the least egocentric ones have actually told me that they've been favourably impressed by my work. Even Melbourne ones, and some impressed enough to want to meet me this weekend, despite my age. So my posts must be working for my actual target audience.

Narcissist? Right again, ISTJ. I do gaze into the mirror. Every morning. Partly to see if all of my 72-year-old hair (three-quarters of it still brown) has fallen out overnight, like my dad's moustache did, after he had radium treatment for his skin cancers.

But also to see whether I need to shave this morning, or can save a bit of time today for work or play.

You said it annoys you greatly to see my "long-winded commentaries and self-promotion day after day from Mt whereever." (It's Gravatt, actually, not Moses' one in the Holy Land.) And pixiedust backed you up.

Each to his own. Including pet hates. Here's my suggestion: Most people read the blogs from bottom to top, to get the sequence of the trialogue.

When you see my name at the bottom, just fast forward both your eyes past my post, and save yourselves all the aggravation. I mightn't be mentioning you anyway.

Must away. Well past midnight, and I still have to do a Quote and then decide what to pack for my 6 days in Melbourne, which have filled up nicely:

First up, FD67 (that's RSVP first date No 67, for long) drives 16km across town by 8am, to take me back 30km across town to the airport.

Friday arvo I make some local phonecalls to recruit new Melbourne customers for my business. Evening see a movie, before it hits BrisVegas.

All weekend at the bloggers' 4-suburb, 4-event gabfest. Sunday evening silently recover.

Tuesday lunch with my first-ever lover (in 1961, before she went to Oxford). Monday lunch with the woman who introduced me to her, and to my later wife (both at the same party in 1960.)

Monday and Tuesday see some customers, and Wed spend some time with a lovely lady who shall be nameless, but blogs. (Monday and Tues evenings not allocated so far.)

On Wed night back in Brisbane, FD98 drives 35km across town to the airport by 8pm, and then drops me home, on her way home.

Thursday I plan not to start work till 11am. Expect to be feeling my full calendar age by then, and may even have a poppasnore after lunch.

PS: Have decided to keep away from internet cafes for the next week, to give you two girls a rest from your "great annoyance" whenever I post. Enjoy the holiday, while I do!

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 8, 2008 2:26 AM

There's an interesting similarity in the posts, apart from their trivial nature, of both jabbertoolong and necroticflesh.

The issues they each address seem to require both of them to relate chunks of their dating history that feature lewdly inclined women flinging themselves unwantedly at our two hapless romance seekers.
There are a few differences though. The crazed nymphomaniacs pursuing deranged aqua boy all tend to be rich and have multiple degrees while jobupthebung only has your basic insatiable types after him. Who are no match for our man apparently... he meets their frenzied advances with staunch resistance. What a man!

You two should get together, you seem to have SOooo much in common.

Posted by: randomname at February 8, 2008 2:12 AM

OMGoodness, I must apologise onlinedatinggoddess, I did not realise you were asking me that question. And even though it may now be redundant, I was referring to both platonic and romantic relationships. We tend to judge others by how we react and behave in certain situations, and just because someone does not fit with what we imagined our partner to *be* we tend to write them off and not even give them a chance. I know that I have had romantic relationships with someone I had only ever imagined as a friend and visa versa. But if I had gone into a situation with the outcome already decided I would have missed out on some wondrous experiences.

Posted by: mystiemuse at February 8, 2008 12:07 AM

For the record, I think the biggest mistake I've ever made on a first date is turning up.

Posted by: onlinedatingexpert at February 8, 2008 12:06 AM

ODG 4:36PM I enjoyed reading "Dangerous mistakes in the first 3 months" and have noted there are 6 of them. Is there a 7th, one for each day of the week or is there only 6 with the 7th being a rest day.

The topic would make a great willow virtual dinner topic in the future.

I may have a solution, by adding Bobs 5:50PM post to yours a nice balance may be achieved. a bonus will be I can remember the short version.

Posted by: willow1059 at February 7, 2008 11:54 PM

istj54 - thanks, ma'am. This place does wonders for my self-esteem.

onlinedatinggoddess - eeek! I refuse to be associated with that other guy whom you told to help you with your thesis ;-)

warmglo - sent you a kiss in return. I assume all the kisses I receive are encouragement kisses! This assumption hasn't led me astray.

Posted by: onlinedatingexpert at February 7, 2008 11:48 PM

Strewth! Wish a few people happy new year and...

I'm off! Haarrruummpphhh!

GTTC

Posted by: greattimestocome at February 7, 2008 11:25 PM

NF,

Actions speak louder than words - no doubt about it; but this is not a place where actions are perceivable.

Just because you believe that information espoused by individuals is rubbish doesn't mean it is so...some of this stuff actually does work for some people...it just means that it doesn't work for you (me either, in fact), but doesn't make it worthless either; its just another point of view.

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at February 7, 2008 11:22 PM

HI Oldergent,
it wasn't you that I was referring to as disappearing. In fact , you supported my comment. It was Still rocking who disappeared totally.Neither of us was rude but he must have taken offense to our truthful comments. Still after possible clues as to what "childlike' means in a guys "ideal partner comment". Stars falling in showers(slightly altered ) still has not addressed his profile desires.

Posted by: blueeyes1955 at February 7, 2008 10:57 PM

It’s not what you say; it’s what you do.

You may blog nauseously, words are cheap, but people watch what you do in practice and that is what counts.

There seems to be a proliferation of so called experts around here, usually espousing nonsense or plagiarised rubbish.

Big deal.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 7, 2008 10:54 PM

.

KUNG HEI FAT CHOI, everyone!!

GTTC

Posted by: greattimestocome at February 7, 2008 10:54 PM

Bob: I think a person needs to love themselves and be an aware individual in order to love others, whether this be lovers, family, their children , including humanity.

If a person isn't capable of self love there quest for love will be needy to some extent and they will forever look to others to fill the hole in themselves that isn't fulfilled.

To totally love oneself, and accepting both the light and dark sides of the self is true acceptance. Only then can one truely accept another..and then humanity.

Perhaps you are comparing self love with arrogance, which are different.

I'm not sure if can we can even know whether "loving yourself so much that there is no room for someone else" is objective truth, as each relationship dynamic is so individual.

Good question, Bob.................ODG

Posted by: onlinedatinggoddess at February 7, 2008 10:40 PM

blueeyes1955 posted2035.

My disappearance was caused by cooking my daughter and her son a roast lamb dinner then sending them home, so he could do his homework, then I had to do the washing up, and get up to speed in what has been happening in my abscence. I am glad to see that the main subject is being addressed as it is the first time I have entered into this world and it is much more complex than I ever imagined. In my day you met someone got to know her, decided wether you liked each other, if you did, kept company, (and your hands to yourself) and eventually married, lived together for 30 years till death, decided that was enough time, raised 3 children in that time. I suppose I was lucky it was a simple process.

Posted by: oldergent at February 7, 2008 10:30 PM

Hi Pixiemagic,

The previous post saying my question was genuine was mine, not ODG's.

Hi All,

Just to clear the air about my beliefs on blogging - everyone is entitled to say what they feel and think, whether I or anyone else agrees with those views or not. This is an open forum for debate and discussion and, whilst these go on there is no problem. It is when the personal attacks commence and general abuse is in play that we become childish and irrelevant.

Sure, there will always be people with different views and philosophies about everything (and some have very stong beliefs), but their views are as relevant as yours and mine, and worthy of discussion; as long as that discussion does not become abusive mudslinging.

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at February 7, 2008 10:22 PM

somethingwhitty: thanks - I gather that was a "hello" given we live a long way apart. I'm a sometime blogger too but have been too busy to do anything bu read for the last few days. Welcome to the blogs - hope you didn't mind my checking out your profile.

AR

Posted by: archerrising at February 7, 2008 10:13 PM

onlinedatinggoddess...no I meant Bob was tongue in cheek...sorry to confuse you

Posted by: pixiemagic at February 7, 2008 10:04 PM

Hi Pixiemagic,

No.....in fact I wasn't being tongue in cheek, it was a genuine question.

ODG,

I sort of understand the answer to my friends "treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen" thoughts and to a degree she is probably right (though her answer is probably an over simplification of what is really in play).

My question though relates to my particular feeling about "loving yourself so much that there is no room for someone else"; and your thought on this as a part of the relationship package. Am I alone in this or is this a big turn off for others?

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at February 7, 2008 10:00 PM

onlinedatinggoddess ...you totally missed what Bob was saying....it was tongue in cheek

Posted by: pixiemagic at February 7, 2008 9:46 PM

Hi Bob, my response @ 19.02 hrs was a question in response to mystiemuse @ 1842 hrs.

But to answer your question on "treat them mean & keep them keen".. I feel that this is a misnomer and where a lot of people go wrong in romance. if you are mean to someone, they will distance themselves from you, often without explanation. You will get the fade out response, where they hope you just go away.

This isn't about how to play a game, or how to manipulate someone. this is about whether you are generally needy, or whether you can genuinely demonstrate that you'll be an equal partner in the relationship. It's about whether you are capable of *holding your own*in a relationship.

Overcompensating or being too eager to please will lessen a person's respect ( this is true whether it's romance or friendship): It will give the kiss of death to attraction, and it will put a time limit on the relationship.

Some people make the mistake of assuming that if they have a degree, or they can hold their own in a political debate, they offer mental stimulation over dinner. But the mental challenge has little to do with conversation and more to do with whether you expect to be respected.

It has to do with how you relate to your date/partner. It has to do with whether he/she knows that you aren't afraid to be without them.

Its certainly not about being mean at all, but about being nice, which sends a very different message "who I am is enough. take it or leave it"
................ODG

Posted by: onlinedatinggoddess at February 7, 2008 9:42 PM

you guys need 2 lighten up

Posted by: somethingwhitty at February 7, 2008 9:39 PM

hi NF...

saw you mention me in a positive light, a little while ago..
thank you.

Posted by: decoratress at February 7, 2008 8:44 PM

hi ist jay i got stamps now am investing proper now probably not wasting tehe tehe

Posted by: somethingwhitty at February 7, 2008 8:42 PM

to Oldergent and other blogger -it's interesting how some people (stillrocking...) make a comment and when it is responded to they totally remove themselves from the site, especially when they are guilty of what they are criticising others of.

Posted by: blueeyes1955 at February 7, 2008 8:35 PM

nf if its to hard swimming with the current? try gettin an outboard motor they got these new fangled lectric ones u get a coupla hours out of em even upstream this should sort things out 4 ya

Posted by: somethingwhitty at February 7, 2008 8:28 PM

Several years back I went on first date movies followed by coffee. While I thought the company & conversation was OK. The the chat started to get just a little one sided, then came, what I thought must have been the check up phone call from a friend of hers (fair enough). Well she decided to just sit and chat away, no appologies. So after a minute, instead of just siting there I thought as we had finished eating 'n coffees are empty, I'll do the right thing and go pay the bill. Come back she's still talking away after a little while she finally said her goodbyes on the phone. And 15min later we said ours.

Posted by: settledtraveller at February 7, 2008 8:27 PM

me and my future lifetime partner (suzanne)with a z!were kanoodlin in the back seat of my best mates(eddy) eh station wagon (1964 holden)at the dubbo driveinn anyways i asked him 4 a light he pushed the lighter into its position in the dash and waited I didnt notice the chuckle at the time!( was kinda pre occupied)
anyhows when the lighter reached point critical(thermo nuclear breakdown) it would apparently launch itself from its suppositry position in the dash, into orbit!
it bounced 0ff the cab light hit the back seat and burnt a hole in her new blouse ! it ended up leaving a ring worm type brand on her buttocks (not that i ever got to see it)i can still hear eddy laughing and her swearing! I think the movie we was watchin was grease with olivier atom bomb (the older crowd knows wat i am talkin bout) kind of appropriet, I think?

Posted by: somethingwhitty at February 7, 2008 8:11 PM

ta very much jj xxx

Posted by: twoeyes at February 7, 2008 8:06 PM

My biggest mistake was opening my mouth. I am a lousy conversationalist, and an even worse conservationalist.

Posted by: cyclomaniac at February 7, 2008 8:02 PM

Ditto twoeyes........you with the major romantic streak you........VERY impressive :)

Posted by: jenjen57 at February 7, 2008 8:00 PM

ODG,

I am assuming you question @7.02pm is aimed at answering my earlier post; but forgive me if I am mistaken.

If so, the answer is neither and both. It is a general perception of the attractiveness of someone to me that is spoiled when this situation occurs. Its like you look at the photos ......then read the words accompanying.

Its like they are saying "I'm beautiful, but I know it"....I find that most unattractive and am immediately put off...nothing wrong with being beautiful or even knowing you are; its the blatant self promotion that is the turnoff...a definite lack of class or grace.

There is nothing more attractive to me than a beautiful woman with humility....shows she has class and grace.

There is one woman blogger that has this (beauty, class and grace) in spades (I wont mention her name as I know that she would be embarrassed).

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at February 7, 2008 7:59 PM

i will never settle for less than what i want or desire

Posted by: twoeyes at February 7, 2008 7:57 PM

well i didnt realy get to light it you see wat happened was this

Posted by: somethingwhitty at February 7, 2008 7:45 PM

lighting a cigaret

Posted by: somethingwhitty at February 7, 2008 7:42 PM

Aliane,

Don’t let it worry you.

I spend my life taking nips at this Mermaid’s tail.

Sometimes she gets so annoyed she takes a huge flick and a swipe, like this morning’s post, which has since disappeared.

It gives me something to do in between surfing the waves.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 7, 2008 7:37 PM

Are you talking about "settling" for someone romantically or being platonic friends? There is a bid difference between the two.

Posted by: onlinedatinggoddess at February 7, 2008 7:02 PM

Hmmm I know one of the biggest and most dangerous mistakes that alot of people make and that is letting their ego get in the way of having a great time with someone, who may not be ideal but you are better for knowing...... Just something to think about!!

Posted by: mystiemuse at February 7, 2008 6:42 PM

That was a flower that went a bit skew- if on posting :))))

Try again..............ODG

.-.
__ / \ __
( `'.\ /.'` )
'-._.(;;;)._.-'
.-' ,`"`, '-.
(__.-'/ \'-.__)
\ /\
'-' \
, |
|\ |
\ | |
| \ /
\|/ _,
/ __/ /
| _/ _.'
|/__/
\

Posted by: onlinedatinggoddess at February 7, 2008 5:57 PM

.-.
__ / \ __
( `'.\ /.'` )
'-._.(;;;)._.-'
.-' ,`"`, '-.
(__.-'/ \'-.__)
\ /\
'-' \
, |
|\ |
\ | |
| \ /
\|/ _,
/ __/ /
| _/ _.'
|/__/
\
If that was that your round about way of paying me a compliment 2 eyes-Thank you................ODG

Posted by: onlinedatinggoddess at February 7, 2008 5:54 PM

ODG,

I female friend of mine put your observations in 6 words "treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen" - it does work if the person of interest to you is someone you REALLY desire; but might not if they are not - been there, done that (as in pursued someone - not the pursuee).

I have always had a pet hate about both males and females along the lines that "if you love yourself too much, then there is nothing left for anyone else". See heaps of these types of profiles on RSVP (and have met same in real life) and someone attractive to me suddenly becomes less attractive. What do you reckon about this?

Bob

PS My first paragraph was in no way meant to be derogatory of your posting (just in case it came out that way).

Posted by: notgodsgift at February 7, 2008 5:50 PM

and true you are on the topic, but then most of them are as interesting as watching paint dry, and it is only the odd blog entry that makes me wonder what the person is like behind the mask...so to speak

Posted by: twoeyes at February 7, 2008 4:46 PM

odg i dont care about others and what they blog, anyone thats put the time and energy into something like that notation has definately peeked my interest, cos it does sho a level of intellect, that i like, and i wanted to look at the person i was conversing with.

Thats is all

Posted by: twoeyes at February 7, 2008 4:45 PM

Twoeyes...Oh..do I take it that it is ok for some to have hidden profiles and yet be able to blog, but not others???

Im on topic at least!

Posted by: onlinedatinggoddess at February 7, 2008 4:41 PM

Ode- belated apologies, seems I don't need any help in writing a thesis afterall :))))..........ODG

Posted by: onlinedatinggoddess at February 7, 2008 4:37 PM

thanks for the advice odg, but find it hard to take it seriously from someone with a hidden profile...............

and couldnt you have shortened it a bit

Posted by: twoeyes at February 7, 2008 4:32 PM

DANGEROUS MISTAKES IN THE FIRST 3 MONTHS

1)GIVING UO PREMATURELY

This is probably one of the easiest mistakes to fall into. People develop
Feelings for someone, hoping that that person harbors a secret
liking back for them. Theyfind out that the one they've been pining for has no romantic feelings for them, and they get depressed and give up. But giving up is so unnecessary. You just have to
be strategic in your approach. Love is something that is cultivated, not
just is. It takes a little persistence, subtlety, and time –that is all.

What most of us were never taught growing up is that, if we behave in
the right ways towards someone, we really do have the power to
get them to fall in love with us after all. Its all about behaviour-our own!

Yes, it's true that when a persons interest in you diminishes it is not the
time to desperately try to force yourself into their life. That would
definitely make things worse and make a romance with them more difficult
later. But, maintaining a simple friendship would have
absolutely, positively laid a strong foundation for a future love
relationship that still could have been.

But so many give up unnecessarily,
and throw all potential away because they thought fate ended any possibility -It was not meant to be!
It takes time and some knowledge of how to cultivate love, but
if you persist in your application of correct principles in the cultivation
of love be assured you will prevail.
Believe it or not, you have power! You are not a victim of
circumstance, only ignorance. Once you come to know that victory is
just a matter of time, you will smile inwardly at the times when the
one you want resists you or puts you off because you will know their
ultimate fate. Like a parent smiling at their pouting child, you will
know that you will win in the end. Meanwhile, don't give up
prematurely!

2) TRYING TO RUSH ROMANCE TOO SOON

Another very common mistake of many persons pursuing a love
relationship is to try to rush the romance part as soon as soon as they
have an opportunity to do so. We all hunger to hold hands, kiss, and
secure other signs of an exclusive commitment from the one we want.

But pushing for (or letting these things happen too soon) spoils the
chance for the long-term success of the very things so yearned for. By
making the other person wait awhile for the introduction of romance
and commitment to your fledgling relationship, their hunger grows
stronger, and their appreciation of you becomes more lasting when it
finally happens.

Love is a creation of slow growth, and it increases its ability to
withstand adversities that may arise by having a solid foundation of
friendship beneath it first. Once the physically affectionate gestures
and expectations of exclusivity begin, it is only natural for someone to begin to feel trapped.

The only thing that will keep them from running away from
the relationship at that point is if they have a long enough history of
bonding to keep them anchored down.
That is why it is in your best interests to be willing to just be friends
for awhile. When you start showing signs of expecting reciprocation of
commitment too soon it will scare the other person off. Pure (some
say, Platonic) Friendship won’t scare them away, but trying to elicit
romantic reciprocation will. By making the other person wait awhile for
these things, you'll win bigger in the end.

3) NEGLECTING THE OTHER PERSON'S BASIC EMOTIONAL NEEDS

People can't resist being around those who make them feel good about
themselves. The strongest incentive you can provide to make the one
you want start coming around, as well as to keep coming around, is to
meet their basic human emotional needs for attention, understanding,
acceptance, appreciation, and affection.

But when we ignore these fundamental psycho-emotional needs of the
one we want, we do so at our own peril because we lose our very grip
for holding them.

What is love, really? It is simply the give and take of
meeting emotional needs that goes on between people in
relationships. If a relationship is too one sided for too long, with one
person totally on the receiving end, eventually the short-changed
individual will abandon their lost cause. They are really there hoping to
get something back, eventually.

This is an easy one to miss because most of us are by nature so
selfish. But, even in the spirit of selfishness, it is in our own best
interests to have consideration for other people's needs. People like to
be with those who take care of them. We all like to be around those
who make us feel good.

Therefore, by exercising our awareness to avoid neglecting another's need, we can not only contribute to their sense of happiness and well-being, but we can secure their attachment to us as well.

How often we want a person to depend upon us, but we never give
them any reason to think we can be depended upon! We should spend
time listening to another person express their feelings to us, and take
time to tell them the things we admire about them.

4) BEING TOO AGREEABLE

The one you want needs someone they, too, can depend upon. That
means they need someone who is independent of them and
emotionally strong.

When you don't show signs of having your own independent thoughts, they begin to perceive you as a "yes man,” a person who is wimpy and too anxious to please them. It's TOO hard to romantically love someone like that.

Therefore, in order to attract and win someone's heart you must avoid
the all too frequent mistake of appearing too anxious to please.

Most dumpees never quite catch on that the very reason for their
being dumped in the majority of cases is not because they don’t please
enough… It is, in fact, because the person being dumped usually tries
to please TOO much.

There is a principle of psychology at work in romance that says, "Anybody who wants to please me that much has a problem, and I don't want him (or her)."

On the other hand, emotional independence is an extremely ATTRACTIVE character trait, but it comes at the price of appearing less than 100 % agreeable most of the time. Being willing sometimes
to risk seeming at odds with the thoughts and feelings of
the one you want will actually work in your favor to keep them interested and wanting you.

5) FAILING TO DEMONSTRATE INTOLERANCE FOR EMOTIONAL ABUSE

One must never, ever allow someone to go on taking them for granted
or treating them with any degree of disrespect. You must stand up to
them when they act like you don't have feelings. You may think it's a
sign of weakness to admit they have power to hurt you, but standing
up to them is a sign of strength.

More commonly, though, people are afraid that if they assert
themselves to a contrary partner in a relationship that they will be
dumped. And, since they'd rather be abused than be alone, they
continue to suffer being mistreated.

But that is no way to be loved!
So long as you allow someone to mistreat you in a relationship (even
getting away with sarcasm), they will be unable to maintain the second fundamental element necessary for
them to have romantic love for you. That second element, of course, is
RESPECT.

Therefore, you've got a choice to make: Condemn yourself to never,
ever being loved the way you really want to be, or take a stand that
you will only settle for being truly loved, adored, and cherished. Once
you make this decision, you will have taken the first step to turn that
dream into a reality.

Believe it or not, you will become more the person they've dreamed of all along. Command their respect, and romance will bloom where you once
thought all hope was gone.

6) BEING TOO AVAILABLE

The one you desire must not have ready access to you whenever they
want. By making yourself purposely UNAVAILABLE at times you can
increase their desire for you tenfold!

This is true, even when the one
you want may have already gotten into a longtime habit of taking you
for granted.
How many times have we all seen the case where one person in a
relationship become suddenly much less available to the other, and it
turns the previously apathetic, cool-headed, and carefree person into a
raving, infatuated and obsessed lunatic!

The main lesson to take out of this is that, while wanting to be a good
friend to the one you want, you should always maintain a degree of
your independence. If the one you want knows they have you for the
asking, it kills their passionate desire.

And in those kinds of cases, you
have no one to blame but yourself. So, there they are: the most frequent errors of well-meaning, but naïve, aspirants to love.

How frequently have I listened to disappointed parties in aborted love
relationships blame the other person as "someone who just doesn't
have the capacity to love" or some other similarly worthless crap.

Don't become a blamer and a complainer. It's time to start winning at love, not whining about why it's not happening. Love is a predictable
response, based on meeting basic human psychological criteria.

Be assured that you can win the one you want! It is in your power to
make love happen. But it requires a little understanding of the
principles of romance, a little determination, and a little bit of wisdom and discretion.

It is simply a matter of
learning the tricks of the trade, and applying them. Like any skill in
life, the more you know and the more practiced you become at
applying it in life, the more effective you will be.

Happy dating……………………………..ODG

Posted by: onlinedatinggoddess at February 7, 2008 4:26 PM

Coffee for $2.00?

Coles cafeteria, Bingo Nights for Senior Citizens, Nursing Homes, St Vinnies’, Salvos Concert in Park for the desperate and soon to be dateless, CWA meetings etc

Ideal dates for some of the over 40s women, and their male counterparts.

It started off as a jibe at a Crazy Clark mentality liquidation store “Nothing Over $2.00 including sex” that infests certain males on here, and the women who tolerate it if there is “relationship” in sight, and because “we have chemistry you know.”

One assumes that there are actually some men on here who might make the HUGE effort to impress a woman on the first meeting and actually spend $3.00 on coffee (without asking or expecting her to pay half- but sometimes you wonder at the existence of these mythical creatures).

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 7, 2008 4:01 PM

Hi All,

Just in relation to the discussion on body image and the likes and dislikes of other RSVPers.

Said it once and will say it again, everyone here is entitled to seek whatever they like in a partner; regardless of how delusional that might be. If you dont fit that profile, move on, dont bitch about the fact that you dont, and that people are delusional.

Re the Lurkers; again who cares whether people who dont contribute to the blogs read them and look at ours profile - are they causing us any harm by doing so? Its nice to know they find some of the drivel we espouse the least bit interesting.

Blueeyes1955,

"Childlike" - interesting character trait to request....depends on the individual requesting I guess, just another of those ambiguities. Could mean gullible or malleable from a control freak or predator

Kateegirl,

As always short, sweet and to the point; love your posts.

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at February 7, 2008 2:27 PM

Very uplifting subject matter at present ... be honest with yourself and your partner ... have a health check.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 7, 2008 1:51 PM

Hi all, re the HPV discussion and cervical cancer, I am a nurse working in womens health. The vaccine Gardasil offers immunisation to several of the viruses linked to cervical cancer.
Picklesister, it is rare for one person to contract all types of hpv, yes one may have one of the four, so vaccination against the other 3 is still very advisable. Also helps resist genital warts.
Jabba,,,,, multiple pregnancies is not a factor in cervical cancer,nor is obesity or a familial history. Genetics has a role in other cancers though.
Condom use is a great barrier to many STD's, one of the pre disposing factors to contracting std, is multiple partners or a large number. Makes sense as their previous partners become your previous partners and vice versa. Hope this makes a little sense. I believe condoms and vaccination are the way to go.

Posted by: dolphin46 at February 7, 2008 1:13 PM

An amazing bi-product, to me at least of getting a touch of food poisoning etc is the ability to be guilt free in lazing away the best part of a week, watching DVD's sleeping when I felt like it, spending time on here and reading Eckhart Tolle.

This author has provided the reason why many relationships fail at the 3 month or thereabouts mark. it has to do with role playing, this being at a more unconscious level, not with the intention to deceive ones new partner, but just how we see ourself.

Another famous writer, Ram Dass once said to people who thought themselves enlightened, go and spend a week with your parents.

Anyway, back to bed with a good book and a couple of panadols, who needs retirement when we can get sick on an irregular basis?

Posted by: virgil at February 7, 2008 10:36 AM

stillrocking2,
Guilty as charged, I like to put a face to the words, that is why I give more credence to those ladies (pm, istj, and ps) who have the courage to fly their profile. To those who are sick and tired of the drivel expounded by some of the people in this session (and no doubt every other session, not you Bill), do as I am to do, see their tag and skip it, ego needs attention to sustain itself, without it it shrivels and ceases to dribble.

Posted by: oldergent at February 7, 2008 10:30 AM

stillrocking2,
Guilty as charged, I like to put a face to the words, that is why I give more credence to those ladies (pm, istj, and ps) who have the courage to fly their profile. To those who are sick and tired of the drivel expounded by some of the people in this session (and no doubt every other session, not you Bill), do as I am to do, see their tag and skip it, ego needs attention to sustain itself, without it it shrivels and ceases to dribble.

Posted by: oldergent at February 7, 2008 10:26 AM

Shunned by the cat, who is probably out seeking a chemical reaction of his own, I turned to these pages for enlightenment on matters of the heart.

I was briefly distracted by a mental picture of myself at the wheel of a 1/2 million dollar yacht on my way to a date, but was quickly brought back to reality by the bad experiences suffered by the correspondents.

There was something disturbing that eluded my thoughts as I pondered each contribution. Was it the vitriol expressed in the sexual stereotyping? Was it the complexity and peril of the various diseases passed on by intimate human contact? The price of sexual favouurs? Maybe it was the fact that the conversation had drifted slowly off topic.

Then Like a bolt of lightening the question that needed to be asked came to me........

Where can you get a cup of coffee for 2 Bucks?

Posted by: thisblackduck at February 7, 2008 10:07 AM

Well i must larrrf!!!!....one of the last to view my profile was "oldergent",so i thinks to meself "who's this guy"..lol.
Well it just seems he's one of the regular bloggers in here. FUNNY, god 4bid i thought i was attracting males, but it appears he must have read my entry and needed to have a peek a boo...I find it amusing at the amount of "GLAM" pic's people use...If you don't look like the piccy's i view then it's see ya later...( have been on and off this site previously)..

Posted by: stillrockin2 at February 7, 2008 8:55 AM

istj54: people who have met you and taken the trouble to get to know you are aware that you are not traumatised but are infact a smart, funny, gorgeous woman who happens to have independent thought.

Lots of "chinese" whispers on these blogs which is a reflection on the people who partake in them.

A positive attitude may not solve all our problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

I for one know that I have annoyed some, and I am glad that I have if thats what being true to oneself involves.

Posted by: femalepersuasion at February 7, 2008 8:41 AM

Just in case you missed it, SugarBabe.

“Older women become cougars around younger men

By Rodney Chester

February 06, 2008 edited:

Hot older women are choosing to be with hot younger men…

Women in their forties understand men. As men get older, they don't mature, they just get older…

So, rather than settle for an immature guy with a soft belly and bad back, isn't it better to opt for an immature guy who is too young to realise his limitations? …

Because older women wanting younger men is apparently quite common. The US National Association of Retired Persons surveyed its members a few years back and found that 34 per cent of all women over 40 were dating younger men….

Relationship experts say the reasons older women want younger men is more than just the extra "stamina" a younger man offers, or as one describes it, the ability to quickly "re-boot".

Older women are looking better thanks to either more exercise or cosmetic surgery, or both. They have a career and independence as well as being more adept sexually.

Perhaps there's another reason, and that is men and women are attracted to sexy young things. More women are living the fantasy more often now just because they can.”

Think I might just put my age down further so I can be a toyboy.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 7, 2008 8:30 AM

today122 - you make valid points but it sounds like you are suggesting women need to be in control of the "protection".

These HPV's can be caught by women in supposedly "faithful" marriages when the other party strays.

Also a gyno friend of mind says the use of condoms does not stop contracting HPV. If you already have a high risk HPV, immunistion is a waste of time. So its left up to whether your own immune system can fight it off.

Posted by: picklessister at February 7, 2008 8:28 AM

very funny Sexy

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 7, 2008 7:56 AM

Timewarp...annoyed, challenged, interested, respectful, flirtatious, cross, peeved, angry, amused, educated...these are the words I would use...traumatised...no, never...I never react that strongly to what goes on here...and if I were actually a psychologist or a psychiatrist...unlike teh wannabes here...I would say that you, my dear fellow, are a classic narcissist...you waffle on endlessly about yourself which is probably of absolutely no interest to 99% of the readers here...I guess you could say it annoys me greatly to see your long-winded commentaries and self-promotion day after day from Mt whereever...but traumatised...no!!...something for you to chat/gossip about on Saturday.

Posted by: istj54 at February 7, 2008 7:13 AM

morning.
and sorry to interrupt the bait here, but to whoever started the discussion on cervical cancer and HPV. In about 80% of cases, HPV is the CAUSE of cervical cancer. Now able to be immunised against, or better yet, to all of those out there rocking and rolling again after their marriages went west - think, and do whatever it is you do - safely.

Posted by: today122 at February 7, 2008 7:12 AM

I'm not sure your revelatory tales are all that complimentary to you necroticflesh, and even though the honesty is refreshing I doubt it will benefit you.
Have you considered it might be unwise to reveal that all it takes to lure away your bedmate is $2 and a piece of cheese?

Posted by: randomname at February 7, 2008 3:57 AM

I wanted to comment on the facts being relayed to us by jabinthelung aka psychochip, but unfortunately, in all his numerous posts, there aren't any.

Posted by: randomname at February 7, 2008 3:31 AM

no Virgil you did not upset me at all...I think it best just to keep an open mind realising that eveyone has a different point of view.

Posted by: pixiemagic at February 7, 2008 12:22 AM

neuroticfish ... looks like you've sucked them all in again ... hook line and sinker. What the?

This is crap.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 7, 2008 12:20 AM

yeah pixiemagic, thats true, and I felt entitled to have my say as well and i know i havent been on here very long, so please forgive me if what I said upset you .

Posted by: virgil at February 7, 2008 12:16 AM

timewarp1 ...I suggest you get more sleep...you do rave on far toooooo often!

Posted by: pixiemagic at February 7, 2008 12:11 AM

virgil...you have obviously not been on the blogs long enough to understand the full extent of other bloggers animosity at various times depending on the issue and how they feel about that issue...everyone is entitled to their say even if it may upset another blogger!

Posted by: pixiemagic at February 7, 2008 12:06 AM

Hi everyone, I enjoy reading all the blogs. Most are entertaining. I particularly enjoy ODE to whom I sent a 'kiss' of encouragement. If only I was .....years younger. You are so eloquent and informative.

NF I also love your posts.

JenJen you are bubbly and refreshingly honest - go girl.

Posted by: warmglo at February 7, 2008 12:02 AM

ISTJ @ 10.56pm, esponding to mine at 7.01pm: "I have at no time been traumatised by anything or anyone on these blogs."

Perhaps you actually were, but don't remember because you were then blogging "in automatic pilot mode." (ibid)

I could spend an evening going back through the blog archive to let me quote you verbatim, seen communicating with visible heat, which rarely occurs unless the person is either feeling got at, or is busy play-acting.

But I'm focussed at the moment on my happy future, not your unhappy past, so I'll catch up on my sleep instead.

Only four hours last night and a most enjoyable but emotion-engaging RSVP freebie film tonight (Dan in real life) have combined to slow me down a bit. Seeyezall.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 7, 2008 12:01 AM

I am really surprised at the tone and content of this blog this afternoon and this evening. I feel that on the whole, the men and women here seem very respectful of the other. This does not seem much in evidence tonight, unless I am reading this all in a completely wrong way, the camaraderie of the past is replaced by sexual stereotypes equating sex with a monetary value, be it either $2 for some coffee or cheese or a ride in a new BMW or a yacht. I thought the extended discussion of sexually transmitted diseases was uncalled for and I feel this is the wrong forum for discussing them. I don�t know who was right in the discussion or wrong but it seemed that there was disagreement, so obviously someone had their facts wrong. The seriousness of this means to me that it should be discussed by medical practitioners to patients, not people who don�t know what they are talking about to others the same.
I feel there are lies, damm lies and statistics, and the statistics quoted regarding changing partners may be relevant for a small percentage of people in Sydney but is not representative of the wider Australian community. Sure people change partners, many people on here surely retain partners at the normal rate, most likely becoming inactive on here while they were with their partners. Personally I was inactive on RSVP between December 2003 and January 2008. I think the most dangerous mistake made here today and tonight is to discount the value of women to a financial consideration. I mean how pathetic to even equate sex with a woman to the value of the coffee or cheese or whatever. I know one thing, and that I would never have sex with a woman I didn�t care for or like in any way. I have learned my lesson on that point.

Posted by: virgil at February 6, 2008 11:53 PM

ah...no she's wishful, I'm grace and charm, but we do sing the odd duet !

Posted by: graceandcharm at February 6, 2008 11:52 PM

Awwww- yes I missed you, grace, charm and your wit! Don’t get all sensitive now :)

Posted by: ridersonthestorm74 at February 6, 2008 11:36 PM

Awww thanks Rider....although I'm a little hurt that you missed my comments but not my lovely self - ahhh well...you get that :)

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at February 6, 2008 11:25 PM

Wish....how I have missed your BLOG comments...sorry, but I have been a bit busy :)

As for this BLOG: Dangerous Mistakes

Think before you speak when you go on that first date, be you and then you should get that second date if the chemistry is there. Don’t force the girl or guy and most of all be YOU! Leave the acting to the professionals. Ohhh and don’t buy flowers on the first date as that will scare most women …run for the hills kinda stuff! Haha

Posted by: ridersonthestorm74 at February 6, 2008 11:08 PM

Sorry about my early return Jabba...I thought it was autumn but apparently it was just a bit of a cool change. I'll go back into hiding till the leaves fall off the trees...and you become a jabberwocky cos that's waht you are talking...or is that jibberish...and who am I flirting with...fill me in please as I must be doing it in automatic pilot mode.

Timewarp, I have at no time been traumatised by anything or anyone on these blogs. Perhaps you should take idle gossip for what it is worth in real world terms...nothing:)

NF, I tend to agree and would sometimes not want my daughter to do some of the things I have done in life, either relationshipwise or otherwise. Don't we all operate a bit on the do as I say and not as I do philosophy?

ODE, thank you for your latest screed.
You are a wonderful writer and keep your audience entertained as well as informed.

Oohlala, I agree with you about people seeking out equals in looks and intelligence. I also think that similar values are equally important. Another thing that does not come out early is how people react in a crisis. Just a thought.

Virgil, the price a few dates down the track would be dinner, would it not?
I'm appalled that some men think that women are so cheap. what nonsense. It is as though we are still in the dark ages and we are still seeking approval from men. I don't think so. Who's to say we would have any respect for the man? It is a two way street.

Posted by: istj54 at February 6, 2008 10:56 PM

Uh, well this is certainly off track.
In reference to the original post, the statement is partly correct, it may be tough on both parties, but that might be interpreted as a sign that nothings happening.........

Posted by: thehair194 at February 6, 2008 10:48 PM

Well said wishfulthinker03...i agree.

FYI Jabba - "Parvo" virus has nothing to do with cervical cancer. Certain strains of HPV are at a higher risk of leading to cervical cancer.

Early detection of cervical cancer makes it very treatable. Developing this cancer does not necessarily mean its terminal. Hmpph to some of your comments.

Posted by: picklessister at February 6, 2008 10:08 PM

NF...women would like "respect" on more than an "occasion". Not everyone jumps into bed with a new man at the drop of a hat. Money has nothing to do with it. Personally I'd rather see a man with limited assets and a good heart and a decent person than one that is asset rich and has a stunted personality to go with it.....We are not all gold diggers NF....maybe you just look at/for the wrong types, I find your generalisations a little tacky personally.

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at February 6, 2008 9:41 PM

jabbathehung...fraudsters???..so wheres your profile???...hiding are we??

Posted by: pixiemagic at February 6, 2008 9:36 PM

Jabba, where are you getting this information (or misinformation from). I'm no expert but I'm sure parvo doesn't precede cervical cancer. Just for your information too, Jabba, cervical cancer is not necessarily fatal either - you need to get your facts right...specially when you really don't have a clue

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at February 6, 2008 9:30 PM

jabbathehung...what rubbish!!!

Posted by: pixiemagic at February 6, 2008 9:21 PM

As usual the blogs are getting off the topic...perhaps you should request a medical blog!!!

Posted by: pixiemagic at February 6, 2008 9:02 PM

Posted by: jabbathehung at February 6, 2008 6:21 PM

The woman said she only wanted to sleep in your new bed(room). Not do anything else, nor especially with you!

Posted by: origami1107 at February 6, 2008 8:39 PM

Dr jabbathehung, re:

Posted by: jabbathehung at February 6, 2008 8:31 PM

You forgot to mention multiple sexual partners and no use of condomns!

Posted by: origami1107 at February 6, 2008 8:36 PM

Ode, just got through your post..phew.. Will keep you in mind when Im writing my doctoral thesis. glad to see you back..love & xxx's......................... Odg

Posted by: onlinedatinggoddess at February 6, 2008 8:33 PM

to Neuroticfish,
“well look at the rubbish you hang around with that you get off internet dating sites.”

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 6, 2008 6:18 PM

Does this, then, not make you the rubbish; the bottom of the dung heap?

Posted by: origami1107 at February 6, 2008 8:33 PM

I have a craving (like women do for chocolate) for some tough old chook or fat old boiler. Could you knock one on the head for me and I’ll show you how to cook it properly, using 24 secret herbs and spices.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 6, 2008 3:10 PM

Meow. You have reverted to type. I wondered how long that would take.

Posted by: ninaschen at February 6, 2008 8:19 PM

Evening all,

This would be my second post in total so I'm not sure of the rules of this game.

Is there some sort of award for breaking the code and working out what people are talking about?

Or is it more like a bizarre IQ test where if you can successfully follow the bouncing ball (beware it can go in any direction) then you pass and the award is a cipher for future reference so it doesn't completely do your head in?

Just wondered...

:)

Posted by: dharma61 at February 6, 2008 7:09 PM

Hi again. You have all been busy!

TOR 07 @ 6.57am: Thank you for reminding me that the non-existant university was Bristol. I'd forgotten that after 20 years, but you're right. I heard about it on the ABC Science Show from memory, well encoded of course.

Your argument would be sound if the dispensers were under conscious control. But one-eyed midgets are under unconscious control, and the anonymity of the recipients would have eliminated for them the distractor factors that you claimed.

And true or mythic, the ghost of my undergraduate past just loves that story. Science could be fun!

Thislifeisforliving @ 10.23am: Welcome! Your idea is one of the best I've heard.

Oohlala1 @11.29am: Another welcome! Pure gold from start to finish!

You made me wonder whether the matching couples had each got their personalities together, and were therefore happy teaming up with someone similar - but those who have been too soft on themselves either have had no-one, or were discarded by someone.

Causing them to continue not to focus on how they could improve themselves, but instead, how they could parisitise someone nicer. eg. by falsely describing themselves in their profiles, to lure her/him into range.

ISTJ @ 3.15pm: Did you have a grapefruit for afternoon tea, or were you being sweet to me, L?

I must admit that I was buoyed up by the number of Vicfemmes who have separately invited me to Melbourne for this weekend's now-private bloggers' gabfest, either in their blogposts or in emails - including some I'd never heard of before. Be still, my panting ego!

And yes, you are right. I do run a risk of going on a bit in real life, as well as in the blogs, when I forget myself, stop watching who needs to be drawn out next, and start baying along behind a favourite hobby-horse.Tried to avoid that at the Brisbane one, to get in practice.

I'm particularly grateful for your warning about this, ISTJ, because I know that it comes from your own similar traumatic experiences, which must have been painful for you to revisit in my interest. Thank you for your selflessness.

NAUGHTY FISH @ 6.06am and later:

1) No mate: not my style. I still think of going down on a screaming heap as what the bikechain-swinging bodgies told us would happen to us Nashoes, if we ever invaded their territory in Elizabeth St.

2) And I am greatly in favour of the asian custom of letting you choose your own protein live, to be immediately butchered and cooked for you.

My mum's recipe for Battler's Chicken Mornay included one old boiler chook and 3 free-range rabbits, and I don't want any felines in my dinner, whether it's chopsticks, fingers or forks.

So I won't bring you a garotted boiler back from Melbourne. I wouldn't know where to deliver it, would I?

Off to the RSVP free movie at the Regent, and I'm 5 minutes late.
ISTJ, you are right!

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 6, 2008 7:01 PM

that last post 6,28 was dangerous jabbethehung..dangerous misinformation and rubbish.
parvovirus affects animals although one strain B19can cause mild illness in humans and may affect pregnant women. It has nothing to do with sexual activity or cancer.
Cervical cancer does not mean certain death.
Any sensible person will ensure their own safety by practicing safe sex.

Posted by: thelynathdiary at February 6, 2008 6:58 PM

I don’t want to get personal, so no names, no packdrill.

Pose yourself the question; would you want your daughter to do what you are doing?

If the answer is no, then why are you doing it?

Apply that principle across the board.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 6, 2008 6:32 PM

All I can say dating someone the one that you met in internet is 50-50 chance of finding a true person that both of you will gonna be ok.
People can pretend when they're not in front of you....But following your instict thats the best thing we can count on...
We do have different culture and upbringing and environmental society that we grew up.Thats why don't expect to much.....
Use lots of thinking first before making lots of move that you'll regret why it happened(^_^)

Posted by: nel79 at February 6, 2008 6:32 PM

take advantage of her to get the rejects... or at the very least a staff discount on the muffins....

Posted by: thelynathdiary at February 6, 2008 6:31 PM

How about putting it this way.

Most of you women have daughters.

How many times have you disapproved of your daughter’s boyfriends, along lines that “she could much better than that layabout, ambitionless, mannerless unemployed bum etc”

So the daughter turns around and tells her mum, “well look at the rubbish you hang around with that you get off internet dating sites.”

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 6, 2008 6:18 PM

You ladies know exactly what I am talking about.

It’s the blokes you start calling a cheapstake, a tightass, and numerous other pejoratives.

You certainly do set your own standards.

Beats me though why some women content themselves with what is little more than abuse and misuse. And for some reason beat themselves into the dregs at the bottom of the barrel (it’s called self flagellation, lack of self esteem, self inflicted lack of personal worth, low personal values)

It carries right through to the relationship and or marriage and any woman who has ever been married knows exactly what I am talking about, especially when a huge dogfight arises in the divorce over every little teapot, kettle, dog, record collection, placemat, etc

How do you really think the high flyers over at Monaco get to where they are- the ones with humble beginnings but now enjoy the crème de crème of lifestyles. They certainly don’t hobnob with the $2.00 males; they give them the flick quick smart.

So go ahead.

It flows through to other issues.

Set yourself up for a lifetime of abuse and misuse, being taken for granted, treated as a doormat. You have only yourself to blame.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 6, 2008 6:07 PM

In these days of sexual and relatively pay equality, I dont think the expenditure of $2 for either cheese or coffee is the issue, surely it is whether 2 adults felt like it. If I was to attempt to think like a woman, I feel I would rather do it with the person who spent $2 than the person who spent over $100.
Because to do it with the person who spent $2, it is quite clear to everyone that money was not at all a contributing factor.

Even as me, if I went out on a date with a wealthy woman and she spent a lot of money, I would feel a bit used if there was any connection between the money spent, and her request for sex. But I guess for her to have to ask first, I would have to be feeling unwell anyway.

Posted by: virgil at February 6, 2008 6:05 PM

I thought the $2 item was coffee, which is usually about $3.50 these days. Thats where it seems better that sex doesnt come into the picture until a few dates down the track.

If people waited till date 3 or later, the price of coffee on the first date wouldnt be an issue.

Posted by: virgil at February 6, 2008 5:42 PM

I guess I am an anomoly perhaps.

I never do anything for someone else on the expectation that I will get something in return.

Especially a potential girlfriend.

I want someone who wants to be with me because of who I am no other reason. Anyone who needs me to "have stuff" should just leave now!

It seems there is such a fear of obligation people are scared to try.

Posted by: creativestuart at February 6, 2008 5:42 PM

Ahh i agree ISTJ54, I would be way more interested in the book collection than the BMW.

Guys that talk about their yachts, bmw's and beach houses just dont do it for me, even if they do shell out a few bucks for the coffee/lunch/drink.

Sometimes i have paid for the coffee and i definitely have no expectations of him "putting out" in the car park as payment :)

Posted by: picklessister at February 6, 2008 5:37 PM

hey all, not a newb to the site, but new to the blog (obviously), just spent a good few hours reading the backlog and damn.. anyway, not really sure what i was going to say now, recovering from the brownout i just had.. i'm sure i'd already typed up a good msg but meh, it was deleted and it's escaped me now as words often do, sometimes tho you can't shut me up SO.. i think i should practice a lil self restraint and just say HI... i'll think of something funny to say later, but this probably isnt the right forum for that, but half the comments weren't on topic anywho... oh right.. hi and bye! (does this mean i'm no longer a lurker?)

Posted by: xb3njix at February 6, 2008 5:35 PM

In general, if a woman seeks to be respected, she will be. If she seeks a lusty affair, she will have that too. It seems to me that it is the same for the men.
Re the couple and the $2 cheese: If they are both happy with that particular situation, then where is the problem? If it is a cheap weekend for him, perhaps it is a cheap weekend for her too (eg, cheaper than getting a toy-boy) seems to me it is mutually satisfying.
We all set our own standards

Posted by: kianee at February 6, 2008 5:34 PM

Also one other thing........

Sex! I'm not a prude but what is going on?

I had a great sexual relationship once that was great fun, lasted 2 months, but ultimately led nowhere!

For me doesn't romance work like this? .. poke, poke…you’re cute, you’re cute too….. dinner?, certainly…….movie?, certainly…..picnic? certainly……visit?, certainly…… DVD and a snuggle? Yes please….

Kiss….explore……oops we are having sex

!0 years ago when I was last dating it certainly did. Now it seems much easier to get sex than a commited life with someone and I find that sad!

Posted by: creativestuart at February 6, 2008 5:32 PM

It is far cry from the $2.00 Discount Kings who infest this site. Normal males pay for their girlfriend and that is why they almost never have had to have recourse to internet dating, because they are quality males (as they say ?all the good men are taken, the rest are on the internet?) and not losers.

That is just grossly unfair!

I am a 41 year old Gentleman, I am embarassed when a woman insists on paying on a first date and offended by this comment.

I am also a little shy, detest night clubs, don't particularly like pubs and have the same great group of friends I went to school with. I actually hate "dating" but love being in a relationship do must look somewhere.

My ex wife cheated, admitted to never loving me and then left with half of what I had worked for till then.

Now I am here as I still have the dream of a new partner and this seems the most logical place to look.

I would give all that I am and have to someone who actually wanted to make a life commitment!

Yet As it says on my profile I am perceived too old or far away! I have had 3 dates in a year and lots of rejections.

There is an awful lot of rude women who don't return kisses or emails on here.

Also lots who are making decisions from profiles.

For me it has nothing to do with who has what. It is about a shared dream, an actual desire to have a relationship and spend your life with someone. Do single women actually want this?

Any suggestions???

Posted by: creativestuart at February 6, 2008 5:27 PM

Ah neurotic fish get back to be lighthearted....much better to read when you are in that frame of mind................K

Posted by: auntykaz at February 6, 2008 5:16 PM

What is all this crap about women "giving it up"? Isn't intimacy a two way street? If I thought a woman was just "giving it up" I'd want out of there.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 6, 2008 4:49 PM

Thanks stillrocking-the only one who gave me a possible answer to my question. I am afraid I might be reading too much into the description 'childlike' but on asking some male friends I got quite a lot of answers with a sexual leaning. And I did send you a kiss as I was curious to the face that went with the entertaining profile. Not sure how 'alligator wrestling' fits in with your comment 'not much garbage'. Still like to see your picture which you write in your profile as available on request.

Posted by: blueeyes1955 at February 6, 2008 4:27 PM

And I know that men try to impress me with their fine cars and wealth. One told me that my hair would just look fabulous up against his red leather seats of his BMW...I didn't think so myself...I was more impressed with his Michael Connolly book collection...so as we keep saying, "Horses for Courses!"

I do believe taht in htis day and age we can have an intimate relationship with a man without expecting him to pay for everything. That does not mean he values you. It means he has paid for you.
It is a two way street these days.I'm an independent woman and can pay my own way, thank you.
Women are not s**** just because you think they have given it up too cheaply and should have held out for a Rod Stewart concert. Helloooooo!!!:))

That guy with the yacht didn't even have to pay for coffee. He just had to have a yacht. Something isn't gelling here for me. Contradictions are abounding.

Posted by: istj54 at February 6, 2008 4:22 PM

I actually know a woman who is worth $14 million.

If a male thinks he will get away with a $2.00 cup of coffee with her, he is sadly mistaken.

And her personal preference is to be shown your yacht on the first date, so that’s $.5million just to house the on board coffee machine.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 6, 2008 4:06 PM

Istj

Leaving aside the relicts of a past era who think restaurants are still the venue of choice to be seen in, the standard form of entertainment for the In Crowd tends to be concerts and festivals.

Your average concert price starts at $90; a typical festival (say the upcoming East Coast Blues $410).

There are thousands of blokes who are prepared to pay those sort of prices for their girlfriends, because they value them.

In fact I even asked one little honey if she wanted to go to the BluesFest; but you expect to pay for that sort of thing as a male.

It is far cry from the $2.00 Discount Kings who infest this site. Normal males pay for their girlfriend and that is why they almost never have had to have recourse to internet dating, because they are quality males (as they say “all the good men are taken, the rest are on the internet”) and not losers.

And that is even without coming to the issue of sex, but it is far cry from a block of cheese and a McDonalds breakfast.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 6, 2008 3:41 PM

...let's see, you paid for the coffee, so you may touch my arm during conversation...you paid for a wine, so you may look deeply into my eyes..................................as I tell you to come closer......closer......closer and whisper into your ear...."I can feel absolutely no "chemistry".

Posted by: istj54 at February 6, 2008 3:29 PM

neuroticfish - what crusade are you on now ... is there actually a point to these rantings? Do you really think women are influenced by money when making their intimate decisions?

Posted by: woodnwine at February 6, 2008 3:21 PM

...and please, NF publish the recipe for the next virtual dinner...sounds a treat...I hope Timewarp doesn't talk too much about himself or he will be in trouble with the Melbourne ladies:)

I doubt there is more to tell anyways:))

Posted by: istj54 at February 6, 2008 3:15 PM

Timewarp

I do hear tell that you are going to be the principal source of entertainment at the forthcoming Melbourne Boogers Meeting

I have a craving (like women do for chocolate) for some tough old chook or fat old boiler. Could you knock one on the head for me and I’ll show you how to cook it properly, using 24 secret herbs and spices.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 6, 2008 3:10 PM

NF, You are getting into serious territory here. Tell me when should a woman give it up if she is highly attracted to the man?
Is it a question of price? Let's say the cheese was $200 and the breakfast $35.00...and he paid for the coffee??
Are you saying that we should not have sex at any price, or just at such a low cost? A s*** at any price is just a s***, don't you think? Is that what you are saying...that no woman who has respect for herself should have sex?..hmmmm:)) or just at such a low price. She should hold out for a better deal?

Posted by: istj54 at February 6, 2008 3:02 PM

Sometimes the message never gets through.

Some women occasionally seek RESPECT.

You will not be respected if you carry on nauseously about chemistry, “relationships” and give it away for free out of lust or for whatever motivation that reduces you to a service vehicle for a user and an abuser, the type of male that proliferates on this site and wants everything for $2.00. Even a blow up doll costs $40 at one of those shops, so why do women give it away for $2.00, a lump of cheese, or NOTHING, all because there is CHEMISTRY.

These men, by the way, are easy to pick.

Go back through the blogs. They are the ones who start off by wanting the woman to go halves on a $3.00 cup of coffee on the first date.

They are the Discount Specials, The Everything For $2.00 including sex, kings of their own little miserable world.

So instead of respect, you will be treated with contempt.

There is a four letter word beginning with “S” which I am not allowed to use.

But it is entirely apt, because that is it’s dictionary definition.

So get out of bed for once and start drawing a line in the sand.

Do it for your own self esteem, your own self respect, if nothing else.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 6, 2008 2:43 PM

: istj54
lust is good for the soul.life is very boring without it

Posted by: abckenny at February 6, 2008 2:14 PM

Is this the Queensland single gentlemen's club, or can anyone join in?

Willow, I will happily cook dinner for the next grand virtual do. I am going to track back trough the blogs in search of NF's seduction recipes. After his last few posts, I am not at all sure that they work, but we will give them a try...I may be a while working my way back through all the posts so will let you know when I have found them. I seem to remember one with a fire or a bunsen burner...I'll go look.
...and NF, nothing wrong with a bit of lust now and then:))

Posted by: istj54 at February 6, 2008 2:06 PM

"PS WoodNwine: Sorry Michael for calling you Bob in my last - since your hilarious exchange with him yesterday,
I'm getting you two mixed up, but that should sort itself out if I meet him in Melbourne this weekend, as hinted."
Posted by: timewarp1 at February 6, 2008 12:54 PM

That's OK John.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 6, 2008 1:18 PM

PS WoodNwine: Sorry Michael for calling you Bob in my last - since your hilarious exchange with him yesterday,
I'm getting you two mixed up, but that should sort itself out if I meet him in Melbourne this weekend, as hinted.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 6, 2008 12:54 PM

"Oh and please can some guys comment on this? (Women too...!) Magazines say a woman should not "let" a guy kiss her till the third date or something. If there is chemistry and the couple have a full on pash or whatever its called these days (due to lots of CHEMISTRY) at the end of the first date...does that mean the woman is not respected after? As it is all about what the guy things of the woman (in the media) and does it matter??? Some people hug everyone and some like to shake hands...Or give a peck on the cheek."

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at February 6, 2008 9:36 AM

Slightsync - if the chemistry is there, go for it .... I am sure no guy would think worse of you.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 6, 2008 12:13 PM

I don’t want to labour the point too much, but I am sick of the words CHEMISTRY and RELATIONSHIP being shoved in my face, and a lot of the other nonsense that women go on with.

I once asked a woman having a sordid little affair with a much younger man, who, I do believe, was engaged to be married to someone else, what had she gained from the RELATIONSHIP.

Had he taken her on an overseas trip, had he bought her expensive jewellery, had he frequently taken her out to restaurants, theatre, etc. Had he even ONCE taken her out. Yes, just taken her out. don’t count pizzas to break up the sessions of lust.

It might be Women’s Lib but let’s get rid of the nonsense and tripe that women espouse.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 6, 2008 12:12 PM

woodNwine @ 8.57am:

Yes Bob - I was just offering myself as an example of the blokes who don't naively believe that opposites attract, any longer than the initial mystery stage ("What IS she on about?? I only ...")

I'm looking for my match, and I'm wide. So I'd like her to be, too. Then our togetherness can include shared diet and exercise (which we both need in large servings), as well as all the usual togetherness stuff.

But you got me worried with your other point - being unacceptably sizeist, by denigrating the small minority of women who are still slim at our age.

Then I realised they'll be so totally overwhelmed with kisses, that they won't care if there's one bloke in the world who finds them repulsive. So I should be safe. End of smoko. Back to work.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 6, 2008 12:06 PM

Haven't posted for a bit. For those depending on my advice columns as a life-and-death matter, I tried to make up for the absence for a bit of length in the latest installment. Hope no one minds. Heading out now -- catch you later.

Posted by: onlinedatingexpert at February 6, 2008 12:00 PM

HOW TO WIN THE NEGATIVE-EXPECTATION GAME OF DATING

Seasoned mathematicians versed in the wonders of probability, statistics, linear programming, and game theory may read the title of my latest advice installment and decide that the negative-expectation games of Keno and the slots offer more compelling chances for success than does the game of dating.

However, for those math freaks who are open-minded and willing to entertain the possibility of winning the dating game, but who are nevertheless concerned about the long-term losses inherent in any negative-expectation game, as per the law of large numbers (though arguably the serial dating required for this law to kick in could be considered dating success in itself), rest assured that the average human life expectancy allows for some decent swings along the binomial distribution into positive-gain territory.

POSITIVE THINKING EXERCISE #1:
In a very rough sense, we are the optimistic counterparts to the morbid and pessimistic insurance companies. Whereas they expect you to keel over before you can reap your positive gains, we expect you to conk out before you can reap your negative losses. The fact that life itself is a negative-expectation game needn't concern us here, mainly because I'm trying to peddle a dating system, and considering such an objection would lead me too far astray into the land of too-much-analysis and too-little-fluffiness. If you're the kind of downbeat gloom machine who, after hearing a well-meaning someone proclaim "Hey, cheer up -- every pot finds a cover" or a not-so-well-meaning someone proclaim "Hey, cheer up -- every blind squirrel finds a nut", goes to the cupboard, produces a cover-less pot, and says, "Hey, here's something to keep in mind next time you're reflecting on... 'crock'ery" or says, "That's the problem -- I'm tired of dating nuts", then please try the next exercise.

POSITIVE THINKING EXERCISE #2.
If you regularly curse your luck and firmly believe that you have no chance in the dating world, that no fortune awaits, and that your bad luck in dating is just a reflection of your bad luck in general, then this exercise will drill a hole through your thick skull. In psychotherapy, there is something known as a therapeutic double-bind. That's when the therapist sets up a win-win situation to change the client's perspective on some matter. For instance, if the client says "I keep doing what everyone else wants me to do", the therapist may prescribe the following exercise: "Spend the next week refusing to do what everyone else wants you to do." If the client returns a week later and says, "I succeeded!" great, stop there. If, however, the client says, "I failed miserably" the therapist smiles and says, "So you didn't do what I wanted you to do, huh?" Yeah, people pay therapists big money for that kind of thing, but that's another story. As promised, our therapeutic double-bind exercise entails you drilling a few random holes through your thick skull. Your aim is to eliminate the analytical "brain spots" that make you unwilling to suck in the bliss-through-ignorance POSITIVE THINKING EXERCISE #1. If you succeed, go back to POSITIVE THINKING EXERCISE #1, perhaps after contemplating how lucky you were to hit the right spots, thus dispelling in the process the notion of your all-encompassing bad luck. Otherwise, if you fail, contemplate how lucky you were to miss the right spots and avoid irreparable cognitive malfunction, thus also dispelling the notion of your bad luck. Win-win.

For our dating theory to work, your dates need to be independent trials, in the sense that you have a clean slate with each new date. If your new date is the friend or relative of a former, failed date, conditional probability sets in to your disadvantage (I'm speaking in general -- often you have good chances with your ex-date's mum or dad, or your kid's ex-date). In general, make sure your new dates have no immediate connection to your old dates.

POSITIVE THINKING EXERCISE #3:
Whereas "Lady Luck is blind to the past" and "The dice have no memory" are causes for dismay among gamblers trying to seek predictability and order among independent trials, we consider those principles a boon when it comes to dating. Nothing is better than a fresh date who's oblivious to your many failings and your status as a stinking specimen of a human being. I guess you could say we again fall on the optimistic, silver-lining side of things.

Now, all this gaming and gambling talk has been the lead-up to my overall theme for this installment: picking up at the casino or gaming room.

I strongly urge you to quit your current job. The average 9-5 job doesn't leave much room for dating, and if you want to win at this game, you need all the time you can get. If you sit down and make a list of your fundamental reasons for working, really exploring those reasons, I think you'll find it boils down to "I work so I can get money". It's obvious when you think about it -- WHEN you think about it. Not many people DO think about it. The job-for-money link is so deeply ingrained in our heads that very few people are able to sever the link between a job and making money.

If some of your reasons for working differ from "making money", then maybe you've cut out a money connection somewhere there. Example: "I work so I can pursue my dreams" should actually be "I work so I can make money so I can pursue my dreams".

OK, I'll concede that up to 1% of people out there may have a so-called paid hobby -- good luck to them. Chances are, you're not one of them. For 99% of people out there, a job is just a means to an end: money.

There's another way of making money: applying for Centrelink benefits and becoming a gambler. More free time for pursuing your dreams, whether that be obtaining a degree or three, travelling, whatever. Most important, more free time for dating and finding love, which, on the hierarchy of needs, generally has higher priority than everything but survival, security, and such. (One psychological theory has it that all ambitions have love/sex as their ultimate aim. Either way, it's nearly impossible to function as a healthy human being without frequent intimacy.)

Speaking of studies, it's probably best to quit those too. You can usually learn far more on your own. As the self-educated Henry Adams wrote in his Pulitzer-winning book, The Education of Henry Adams, "Nothing in education is so astonishing as the amount of ignorance it accumulates in the form of inert facts." Consider how many dropouts there are on the Forbes Top 100 -- indeed, the Top 10. The other day on 2GB, Alan Jones made some good points about the worthlessness of formal education and how a lot of Australia's highest-paying jobs are filled by dropout entrepreneurs. Most of his callers agreed.

The quit-your-job 3-step plan
---------------------------------

1. Apply for Centrelink benefits. There are bound to be at least three Centrelink benefits for which you qualify. Most probably you'll have a main benefit such as Newstart Allowance with a couple of side benefits such as Rent Assistance and Pharmaceutical Allowance thrown in. You can get a concession card and health care card on top. To save you having to hand in forms every fortnight, to fill out job diaries, to visit job networks, to attend seminars, to perform mutual-obligation agreements such as Work for the Dole, etc., apply for a medical exemption. The easiest thing to do is get a referral to a psychiatrist and then fake some blanket condition such as clinical depression. You may not even have to fake the condition, since the DSM-IV criteria for diagnosing many of these blanket conditions are vague and general enough to apply to anyone, much in the same way as those one-size-fits-all astrological character readings. And it's been shown that medical specialists tend to have cognitive confirmation biases, meaning that they're predisposed to look for confirming signs of whatever conditions their field deals with, ignoring disconfirming signs. This works to your advantage. Should you fail in your quest to get a medical exemption, simply accept the part-time study option for your mutual-obligation agreement rather than Work for the Dole, and then enrol at TAFE for a part-time evening course in aromatherapy or some no-brainer like that. Guys may wish to enrol in a beauty therapy course for a high female-to-male ratio, or maybe even the TAFE PLUS course called Brazilian Waxing (I kid you not).

2. Open an account with a discount broker or a mutual fund manager or a hedge fund manager, and be prepared to allocate 10% of your fortnightly Centrelink income to the account (you may wish to save up a bit first). Your portfolio here is simply for your long-term benefit (the short-term activities on the stockmarket -- speculation, daytrading, swing trading, arbitrage, etc. -- fall under step 3). The long-term is best covered by value investing in the tradition of Warren Buffet. If you can't find a decent mutual fund manager (decent in the sense of favoured by some combination of luck and knowledge), consider an index fund at the discount broker. It doesn't really matter what you pick, since the reputable Wall Street Journal has shown that dartboard portfolios (dart throws picking the stocks) can work just as well as nearly any other portfolio. Maybe investigate random-walk theory, or simply consider how many technical/fundamental analysts are rich -- you can count them on the fingers of one hand while using the remaining fingers of the same hand to operate a pair of chopsticks. Basically, it's hard to go wrong with this step.

3. Begin gambling. Literature enthusiasts may reel at this step, recalling the compulsive gambling of Dostoevsky and his novel The Gambler. You may consider the life of the gambler the life of one of the dregs of society, right up there with the life of the tobacco chief or the used-car salesman. I can understand your concerns. But the fact is that you gamble every time you hop in your car or cross a busy intersection. You gamble every time you eat food bought from a supermarket. You gamble every time you sleep with someone or even touch someone. And the stakes in these gambling activities are the highest stakes of all: your life.

Perhaps you have a more practical concern: what you're supposed to tell your dates when the inevitable "What do you do?" arises. That's easy. You say, "I'm an investor." If they press and ask, "What kind of investor?" you reply "Long-term but mostly short-term." You're not lying (long-term is step 2, and short-term is step 3). If they keep going and ask, "What kind of short term specifically?" you reply "Oh, several kinds -- commodities, shares, foreign exchange ... I dabble with insurance." At this point, your date may believe you're wealthy, or at least that you have financial acumen and are on the road to wealth. Notice again that you haven't lied with your answers.

Eventually your date will discover that you spend a lot of time at casinos and gaming rooms. Your date may even want to come along. No problem -- invite your date along. Probably you'll be at a blackjack table when your date can no longer contain the feeling of curiosity about your habits.

Comes the pointed comment with a forced wan smile: "I thought you said you were a short-term investor." All you have to do is smile and nod.

Brief pause occurs while your date processes the truth of your job description and feels the jolt of shock and horror.

Comes the faux playful whisper with the even more forced smile: "But you said you dabble with insurance. You told me--"

Then interrupts the card dealer with the upturned ace: "Taking insurance bets at 2 to 1. Place your bets please."

At which point your date goes silent. Very silent.

On the car trip home, you press the cassette tape into your car radio and hit play. It starts out with some romantic love song, which seems to restore some warmth in your date. But the important thing here is showing that you're dedicated and committed to what you do, that you're a go-getter, and that's why your date should be pleasantly surprised when, after 10-15 seconds of play, the tape switches to your daily recording of the horse races.

Later in the evening, you can attempt to ignite the impression of your financial acumen by saying, "The trick with insurance is that it's a sucker bet under basic strategy. But most people go no further than basic strategy, so they're oblivious to the times when an insurance bet is a good call. My card-counting system has an insurance efficiency of 76%, meaning when I take insurance, I've made the right decision around 3/4 of the time, which is roughly when more than a third of the remaining cards are tens, as indicated by my true-count conversion. I go to that gaming room because Star City casino never really had a good 8-deck penetration for my counting system to work, and these days Star City uses those continuous shuffling machines, which virtually strip me of my edge over the house. Another reason I like the gaming rooms is that I can employ my shuffle-tracking and ace-location strategies on the live dealer when he or she performs a live shuffle, and I can also play by various dealer 'tells' that the dealers generate subsconsciously. Adding to the mix my sophisticated playing-decision index tables, which are based on advanced statistical analysis and computer simulations, and which I devised myself for the particular rules and idiosyncrasies found at particular gaming rooms, I'm really a powerful force at the table. The '86 Datsun will soon be no more."

OK, what if you don't have a date to begin with? No worries. Your gambling workplace seconds as your hunting ground. Most of the people at those places are suckers, employing dud progressive-betting systems (Martingale, cancellation, etc. -- don't fall for these) at best or superstitious nonsense at worst. If you're ever after a location where the vast majority of occupants will be susceptible to your pick-up tactics that fail against the vast majority of the rest of the population, the casino or gaming room is your best bet. Indeed, a slow-moving (and perhaps slow-motion) Dutch-angle camera shot down a long aisle of slot machines at peak hour, with the players sequentially performing chronic-sucker-looks-at-the-camera, would be a fine production of tragic comedy.

The best pick-up spot at a casino or gaming room is the craps table. The house edge is a mere 1.4% on a pass bet (or much lower on a combination pass and free-odds bet), as opposed to the 2.7% or 5.26% edge at the quieter, more solemn roulette tables.

Why the craps table? It's commonly known that the craps table is always full of excitement and high spirits, so your chances of catching a potential date in a good mood are increased. Also, many of the people at these tables are prone to strong beliefs in luck, fate, destiny, superstition, and so forth (which is why stickpeople are told never to pass dice over with certain numbers revealed, such as a 7). Imagine the impression you'll create when you master controlled dice rolling, or even when you rely on the numbers to give you a good roll streak every now and then. It's a psychological experiment in positive reinforcement and association: potential date feels good when a win comes up and links that good feeling to you.

Another psychological factor working to your advantage is the crowd/mob emotional state: if in high spirits you make a move on a potential date at the craps table, Mr. or Miss Potential will find it tremendously difficult to turn you down, since turning you down among such a crowd would carry with it various subconscious considerations of social mismatching, social exclusion, and social exile. The power of mob psychology and how it influences people to do things they never normally would do is well researched.

Good luck.

OnlineDatingExpert

---

Most recent advice installments:

HOW TO PLANT LITTLE WHITE LIES ON YOUR RSVP PROFILE
http://blogs.rsvp.com.au/2008/01/relationship_matters.html#26888
APPENDIX 1 OF LITTLE WHITE LIES
http://blogs.rsvp.com.au/2008/01/relationship_matters.html#26891

HOW TO USE PHYSICS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP MATTERS
http://blogs.rsvp.com.au/2008/01/relationship_matters.html#26617

HOW NOT TO REPLY TO AN EMAIL ASKING YOU ABOUT YOUR RSVP PICTURE WITH A TOOTHBRUSH
http://blogs.rsvp.com.au/2008/01/creating_a_winning_profile_wha.html#25887

HOW TO SMASH THE NUMBER ONE PRESUPPOSITION WHILE WRITING YOUR RSVP PROFILE - PART 1 (FOR GIRLS)
http://blogs.rsvp.com.au/2008/01/creating_a_winning_profile_wha.html#25216

HOW TO CREATE A WINNING RSVP PROFILE
http://blogs.rsvp.com.au/2008/01/creating_a_winning_profile_wha.html#24540

The sales-letter approach:
http://blogs.rsvp.com.au/2008/01/does_a_bad_new_years_eve_mean_1.html#24125

The nice guy isn't so nice:
http://blogs.rsvp.com.au/2008/01/does_a_bad_new_years_eve_mean_1.html#24100

HOW TO BE A CON(VO) ARTIST WITH WOMEN ON RSVP AND OFFLINE
http://blogs.rsvp.com.au/2007/12/relationship_matters_blog_1.html#24017

An index of plenty of earlier advice installments:
http://blogs.rsvp.com.au/2007/11/first_impressions_do_count_1.html#19701

Posted by: onlinedatingexpert at February 6, 2008 11:56 AM

SSS,

I am not bouncing back for a while, as I just want to wallow.

I am literally stunned.

He has 2 houses and earns $100K a year.

He is getting it for far less than the price of a brothel, the going rate for which I believe is currently $200 a pop. High class escorts cost upwards of $1000 a time.

Is she hoping for a lifelong “relationship”.

If this is an attempt at golddigging, the first thing he will do is shove a prenup under her face.

Oh let me be your doormat, Sir, I can take it. After all it’s the CHEMISTRY and the RELATIONSHIP. (And, in another person's case. just straight out lust.)

That is the beauty of the better quality escorts, like Lady Marmalade. They often have University degrees, can appear in the most sophisticated of social circles with ease, know the true value of their services and don’t crap on about Chemistry and Relationships.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 6, 2008 11:47 AM

Thankyou Timewarp, I shall accept graciously and smile at your kind words.
As for the moral dilemma of how far we should go on the first date, well to me, we should do what we feel comfortable doing and pfftt to everyone else. If its unbridled passion you are after and the feeling is mutual, why do we hesitate because of what others may think. If you want to take it slowly then what is wrong with that? We answer to noone but ourselves, and if we feel what we are going to do is not what we feel is right then decline and bow out gracefully...or hit him/her (politically correct) with some ice in a stategic spot to cool things down. Either you will succeed or never see each other again, but if you were true to yourself then it is their loss.

Posted by: mystiemuse at February 6, 2008 11:34 AM

To each his own I think about the weight debate.
People are usually attracted to people of similar levels in looks and physique.
When you look at couples they are most often the same in looks and body weights unless of course one of them has let themselves go over the years.
People do lie about their weight and age and hair colour. I met a man last week who said he was early fiftoes, had black hair and was athletic. He may have been all those things ten years ago. Or he has a trick mirror from a carnival sale or something but what I had coffe with was a balding, fat man who was at least sixty. No thanks. His company was alright but it was not what I was looking for. I just felt bad then for telling him he was not what I was looking for. He felt bad too.
I guess what I am saying is that lying is a dangerous mistake.
When you get older you know what you want so why lie about it on the offchance that suddenly the person wants a plump older guy with no hair. I don't think so.
If you have looked after yourself well for years you do not want a slob who doesn't take the same pride in their appearance as you do. I am not saying fat people are slobs. They are not. I think big people are very attractive. I am saying that I think we seek similar philosophies of care in our partners. Good looking people are usually with other good looking people and so on.
I think it is a fallacy to think good looking people are somehow devoid of brains and personality and are just handbags too. Usually people lacking somehow use this one as an excuse to put nice looking, slim people down and say thay are shallow. Not so.

Posted by: oohlala1 at February 6, 2008 11:29 AM

Sexy,childlike, feminine,!!!..answere to blue eyes, i think it means young at heart, this is my first post so i am still looking into the land of RSVP. My profile is pretty well straight and kind of blunt i think. However i don't believe in poncing about with too much garbage.

Posted by: stillrockin2 at February 6, 2008 10:36 AM

Hi everyone, I often read these blogs (only posted once) and I admit when I read one which is particularly funny or strikes a chord with me I do look at the profile so I can put a face to the person. I have noticed that I would fit into the class of lurker-not my intention at all-just to shy to say much. BTW the biggest dangerous mistake in my experience is trying to be who they want to meet and not yourself.

Posted by: thislifeis4living at February 6, 2008 10:23 AM

is there a generally accepted best practic manual for what is appropriate for what number date? like on firs date do we shake hands at end of date? 2nd date do we hug on meeting? and possibly kiss on cheek at end?

Posted by: virgil at February 5, 2008 10:43 PM

Hi virgil, sorry you already asked what I also did in a post below...

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at February 6, 2008 10:14 AM

Hi to bm1960, kianee and are you new onlinedatinggoddess....I could be losing my memory, as I do not recall the name. There was onlinedating guru once. Welcome any way and yummymum I think I saw you once recently, hey again.

Does anyone think it is a mistake to reveal too much information about yourself too soon, or for the other person to? Are we supposed to create or maintain some mystique? Is it best not to think about all these "Dos" and "Don'ts" and being afraid to stuff up and just get out there and meet people?

Oh and please can some guys comment on this? (Women too...!) Magazines say a woman should not "let" a guy kiss her till the third date or something. If there is chemistry and the couple have a full on pash or whatever its called these days (due to lots of CHEMISTRY) at the end of the first date...does that mean the woman is not respected after? As it is all about what the guy things of the woman (in the media) and does it matter??? Some people hug everyone and some like to shake hands...Or give a peck on the cheek.

Oh and in the topic Karina gave us she mentioned mistakes we are "not even aware of"...perhaps ignorance is bliss?

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at February 6, 2008 9:36 AM

My pet hate is women who give away a weekend of sex in return for a block of cheese and a $10 breakfast at McDonalds on Sunday morning after a nighttime of lust and satisfaction (for him that is), or a drive around the sights on Sunday after they get out of bed, or years of sex without even once being taken to a restaurant, or on decent holidays, or on an overseas trip, or even having been taking out once.

All because “we’re in a relationship you know” (could have fooled me) or “”there’s chemistry” (yeah, well)

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 5, 2008 6:46 AM

Wow NF, sounds like you have had some kind of unpleasant experience - another frog on your way to your princess maybe??? Guess it cuts both ways as men have to deal with unsavory types also.

Your tale of meeting your ex at the pig roast is one of the funniest things...if only you gave more attention to the pig. Is that why you are a meat-eating vegetarian? My ex was very partial to all you can eat buffets...but we actually met through a mutual friend not at a buffet of seafood over a bain marie. Hope you bounce back soon then NF.

On topic, getting drunk could be a mistake on the first date, but it could depend on the date. Oh and I have posted on this before, a meeting I had with someone I met socially...the first coffee and meal was a nightmare (for me) as all he did was look at my chest. It was very unpleasant for me and I refused to see him again and that was supposed to be "friends only". So ogling is off putting to some women..

Also one RSVP meeting was off putting also due to the mans crude interjections occasionally. He was very lust oriented (and vocal about it) and I suggested he go on lavalife intimates instead of RSVP. There was no second meeting.

Welcome to all the newbies and shame I can not join the frivolities here as much due to work and other duties.

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at February 6, 2008 9:12 AM

"When I hug my thinner de facto sisters and feel their individual ribs, I get a sudden foreboding of drought and famine, and a fear of starvation enters my mind. I'm back in that cartoon, and I'll have the Fat Broad please. She's pleasantly upholstered, has muscles and a mind, and cheek aplenty." Posted by: timewarp1 at February 6, 2008 12:59 AM

Timewarper - I'm not having a go at you here, honestly, but am using your statement to point out that many people do prefer the larger figure, so what you are espousing here could in fact be judged as being unkind to slim women and they may in fact be offended. Horses for courses, to each their own, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and what ever else phrase you care to use. Hopefully, there is someone for everyone.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 6, 2008 8:59 AM

WnW - Your post:
Sadly femalepersuasion ... there are many people who have not treated themselves well. Some drink too much, some eat badly, some never exercise ... it all catches up in time.
Posted by: woodnwine at February 5, 2008 2:18 PM
tipped me over the edge, I'm afraid. I have been trawling profiles lately and I'm disheartened by the number of men who are looking for slim and athletic. I am just so tired of the focus on body type. Whatever happened to cerebral connections?

Sorry WnW, I shouldn't have directed my pi**sed-of-edness at you. I can't use PMT as an excuse, not an issue anymore - thank God!

I'm just cranky.

Posted by: ninaschen at February 5, 2008 11:22 PM

Ninaschen .... you misunderstood me. What I was saying is that you look at some people's photos and think ... gee, they look good for their age .... but you look at others and think ... boy, either they are lying about their age or the've had a hard life. I was validating the thought/idea that the numeric age isn't perhaps as important as how well or how badly you have treated yourself over the years. Cheers L.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 6, 2008 8:48 AM

"I mean a recent viewer of my profile, didnt read, didnt go to moviesmostly hired dvd's and really liked SBS movies with subtitles. What sort of woman in her right mind would give a positive response to a bloke, no photo, with a profile like that?"
Posted by: virgil at February 5, 2008 10:53 PM

What did you mean by this virgil?

Posted by: woodnwine at February 6, 2008 8:41 AM

For anyone wanting a good Victim Song so they absolutely wallow in it, you can’t do much better than:

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=87053646

the song subtitled “tested for reliability – why weren’t you.”

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 6, 2008 7:51 AM

Hi all,
Some people are not photogenic too. But yes, making a snap decision based on a photograph is probably not wise.
I'm often attracted to guys by their personality rather than how they look. Sometimes you can get a sense of wit and/or intelligence from the written word on profiles but again it's possibly misleading.

Posted by: dharma61 at February 6, 2008 7:34 AM

Timewarp - that 'study' you refer to in Bristol is SO obviously an urban legend. What sort of scientific study would pair up random couples for sex? Imagine the lawsuits afterwards, let alone the fact that there would be so many other variables that any results would be meaningless. Now, pre-paired couples I could just about accept, but then that too would undermine the results, as factors such as length of relationship, degree of attraction, social status, and innate ability would impact volume. So....nice story, but it's just that.

Re the fat vs skinny, I find very skinny and very fat an equal turn off, as in most people it will suggest underlying problems (health or mental) of one sort or another. Note, not all, just most people. Anything inbetween -well, that's down to the 'wow' factor - and you can't bottle that....

Posted by: tor07 at February 6, 2008 6:59 AM

Timewarp,

My old man brought back from the War a photo of a New Guinea native suffering from elephantiasis.

The only way he could get around was by wheeling a wheelbarrow in front of him.

Go down a scream on all those dates of yours.

Even better than the string trick.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 6, 2008 6:06 AM

MYSTIEMUSE @ 2.14am:

If my hat wasn't downstairs in the car which is out in the rain, I'd take it off to you, here and now.

Can you write, gal, or can you write? And your profile is better still!

Do you know a fantasy land where I could meet you, and you could be suddenly 20 years older, the minute before?

I'm already stretched as young as I can manage, so you've got to do the rest of the time-warping.

In your dreams, gramps!

Now that's an idea whose time has come ...

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 6, 2008 4:04 AM

Oh no its the old size debate, I don't think I have ever ventured into any chat site that does not have this as a regular topic. Size does matter, looks do matter, but it is who we are, not what, that decides the final outcome. Happiness does not come from without, but rather from witnin. We all know what we prefer, but sometimes we are bowled over by a surprise wrapped up in plain paper. Are we all willing to just push it aside and never know whats underneath?

Posted by: mystiemuse at February 6, 2008 2:14 AM

NAUGHTY FISH @ 1.14am:

Hi mate! You're up early (or late) today - you usually clock on, soon after I clock off.

Been out on the tiles, researching your next fictional offering? Sorry if I was a bit scathing at 10.58pm - I was feeling unusually cheeky. (Melbourne visit this weekend is making me even more hyper than usual.) Down, Fang! Down boy!

Back to your post: I really enjoyed your clever metaphor, but bell-ropes are a bit thick and heavy for string puppetry.

And anyway, that's still off in the future for me - I'm still into glove puppets, but I don't weigh them afterwards: a gentleman doesn't like to boast.

Must write and fax an invoice, and then hit the sack. Seeya (when next you unmask - wanna try to recognise your sickle model this time.)

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 6, 2008 2:11 AM

Timewarp old friend,(posted 1.40 am) I would have to challenge that, almost always the dollars would turn you and me into Robert Redfords, I concede that there are exceptions but in general let them howl to the moon.

Posted by: oldergent at February 6, 2008 2:02 AM

G'day timewarp,
does it not lay in the preference of the eye, or the mind or the individual, speaking as one who fits none of the criteria of the general female, as to what is attractive. I have just learned to live with it. ( in hope). thanks mate for your past help and advice.

Posted by: oldergent at February 6, 2008 1:55 AM

PIXIE MAGIC @ 10.46pm:

Good point, but I think it's easy to explain:

I just posted why I believe that most men think they want a slim chick with a pretty face: slim pretty chicks are fashionable, and therefore confer higher status on the handbags they have on their arms.

And most men aren't just status-conscious, they're status-ridden. It's a competitive streak from the times when the alpha male monopolised all the chicks, as with monkeys. No-one else ever got a look-in, let alone a nook-in.

Your question is, How dare they expect any fashionable woman to accept a handbag as daggy as they are? (whether or not it's crammed full of $100 bills, today122)

Again I believe the answer is simple: men are descended from hunters.

They don't give a single thought to whether or not their quarry wants to be hunted or captured, or killed with boredom. They just pick their target and go for it.

And sulk if all the game eludes them.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 6, 2008 1:40 AM

Timewarp:

When she said : "You seem very youthful for someone so old, but can you still manage things?"

You were supposed to say: “I have this great trick with a piece of string. Do you want to see me do it?”

You’ve got to get past the first date and she might be interested enough in puppeteering to take you on.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 6, 2008 1:14 AM

NINASCHEN @ 10.34pm & since, discussing beauty with WnW:

May I join you two delightful people?

Someone said beauty's in the eye of the beholder. Yes, of course!!

My question is this:

WHY does Ken think Barbie is beautiful, and Ursula ugly? No, there's no correlation with spelling, because your average Ken is picture-it rather than literate.

It's because Ken's a baa-lamb.

If beautiful is defined as unusually slim, but also nicely rounded (think Elle M, rather than Kate Moss or her fashion grandmother, Twiggy), then fashion and other magazines can make a mint from running Ads for diets, exercise programmes and equipment, anti-wrinklie creams, minimiser bras, maximiser bras and so on. (Consider the lower-profit alternative: what on earth could they flog, if fat was fashionable?)

So that's the definition of beautiful that their bean-counting bosses specify, and their writers and photographers feature.

Ken swallows the bait and believes Barbie is beautiful. And that his lack of jockfilling would be overlooked, if only his mates could see him dating Barbie.

This is where the problems start. Ken is not Ken Mattel - he's Ken Norm'son.

With a shape that says beer and Big Macs, not Subway and skim milk.

But hey, that's OK - everyone knows that opposites attract, right?

So his RSVP profile prescribes Barbie. Preferably Wrinkle-free, anti-gravity-boobs Barbie. And certainly Fat-free Barbie, because Father Time is now trying to deny him fats. Even in the morning.

The women know this too. They want Hatstand Ken, not Bellrope Ken, so to be on the safe side, they prescribe Younger-than-Me Ken.

I was very impressed with the RSVP femme who was honest enough to say outright, late in our first date: "You seem very youthful for someone so old, but can you still manage things?"

I replied with the punchline of the old joke: Queen Victoria says to Mr Brown: "Is anything worn beneath the kilt, my good man?"

"No ma'am, it's all in pairfect workin order."

What Ken doesn't know about is a certain entrancing research project at a British University in the 1980s. They recruited a statistically-adequate number of 20-ish females - a dichotomous population of 2 sizes: half a bit under 50kg, and the rest about 60kg. And an equal number of healthy young males.

There was a fashion back then for rock groups to choose single-entendre names like The Lovin Spoonful and 10cc.

The guinea-pigs were paired off at random and put to work (nice work if you can get it), and the results were collected in little bags and weighed.

The slimmer girls were found to have attracted an investment of about the expected 10mls, but the little chaps had been a bit one-eyed, and had invested in the chubbier girls to a significantly larger extent: an average 15cc.

I won't bore you with the scientists' evolutionary interpretation. My point is that when it comes to coupling, they proved statistically that more is better.

And the same inference can be made with less scientific rigour, from a quick glance across the front covers of the stickbooks in any service station.

Fans who have studied my profile in depth will know that I personally think that fashionably-slim is famine-skinny.

When I hug my thinner de facto sisters and feel their individual ribs, I get a sudden foreboding of drought and famine, and a fear of starvation enters my mind. I'm back in that cartoon, and I'll have the Fat Broad please. She's pleasantly upholstered, has muscles and a mind, and cheek aplenty.

So much for corpulance. What about facial beauty?

When I was about 18, my Mum gave me this advice: "Try to pick a girl with a figure that delights you, and a face that's plain enough to keep her humble."

She didn't need to add "and a nature as nice as yours." I believe that should be a pre-requisite before you start looking at looks, or one of you won't deserve the other.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 6, 2008 12:59 AM

Thank you jenjen and wishfulthinker for your welcome
GTTC Sorry,no, I have no sage advice on dangerous mistakes to avoid, as i am too young to be wise :-)

Posted by: kianee at February 6, 2008 12:19 AM

True, Willow and GTTC. I was taking a little dramatic licence. I treasure your 'peeks'. And I would like to say, I think you are both very positive and welcome contributors to the blogs.

Posted by: ninaschen at February 6, 2008 12:00 AM

Nina, I had a look last week too!! Have sent you back the best option available to me.

Something technical is playing up here. Must away, whilst I still can.

Nite All.
GTTC

Posted by: greattimestocome at February 5, 2008 11:52 PM

hi jenjen, wishful is sleeping now. Too many cocktails for her, time for me too. Goodnight.

Posted by: willow1059 at February 5, 2008 11:51 PM

not true nina, I did last week.

Posted by: willow1059 at February 5, 2008 11:45 PM

A night of yummy cocktails ending with the making of dangerous mistakes with the man of my dreams while lying in a flower bed of 1000 thornless roses.........sounds pretty good to me wishful :)

Posted by: jenjen57 at February 5, 2008 11:43 PM

GTTC - Ah! Now you are asking me to divulge my secrets. Not really. For a few extra $$$ you too can be an RSViP member. For those hard-earned dollars, you get a few more 'kiss' options. You also get to see the last 10 people who viewed your profile. I think my side-bar is stuck. The last person to look at me was back in 1996.

Posted by: ninaschen at February 5, 2008 11:43 PM

Ahhh but what a night it'd be Willow! They might be mistakes I'd be willing to learn from!

Jen...those "average" men are probably average for a Sumo wrestler! I am convinced many only have a mirror that shows from their shoulders up!

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at February 5, 2008 11:36 PM

wishful. You have just hit on the perfect answer to "Dangerous Mistakes", jens cocktails. Enough of them and I would think many would make most of the mistakes in one night.

Posted by: willow1059 at February 5, 2008 11:31 PM

And what is even more irritating Nina is when they are clearly overweight, label themselves as average or athletic, and are looking for slim.
It is very disheartening........

Posted by: jenjen57 at February 5, 2008 11:30 PM

What would be more romantic Willow??? Hmmm...laying there with the man of my dreams might be a good start...toss the sherry - never was one for that unless its used to soak the trifle sponge, but Jen's cocktails ain't too bad!

You know me Willow...always hard to please :)

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at February 5, 2008 11:25 PM

WnW - Your post:
Sadly femalepersuasion ... there are many people who have not treated themselves well. Some drink too much, some eat badly, some never exercise ... it all catches up in time.
Posted by: woodnwine at February 5, 2008 2:18 PM
tipped me over the edge, I'm afraid. I have been trawling profiles lately and I'm disheartened by the number of men who are looking for slim and athletic. I am just so tired of the focus on body type. Whatever happened to cerebral connections?

Sorry WnW, I shouldn't have directed my pi**sed-of-edness at you. I can't use PMT as an excuse, not an issue anymore - thank God!

I'm just cranky.

Posted by: ninaschen at February 5, 2008 11:22 PM

Ahh no - its me.

Aunty Kaz,

Thanks - It still does not help the strike-rate though. never mind - its all fun.

Virgil,

You re right re the unknowns checking.. I think it was Timewarp that said others checking out the competition so to get an edge.. or somesuch thing (sorry if I've botched it Timewarp).

GTTC

Posted by: greattimestocome at February 5, 2008 11:22 PM

Is it just me or is this broken?

Posted by: greattimestocome at February 5, 2008 11:21 PM

wishful, you were able to choose any flowers to you liking. What could be more romantic than laying in a 1000 thornless roses, or petunias with a glass of sherry or one of those cocktails.

You are hard to please this evening, did I get the colour wrong?

Posted by: willow1059 at February 5, 2008 11:20 PM

wishful - laying in the flower beds ?

Exhausted after all that "going around the block" !! Hehe........

Posted by: jenjen57 at February 5, 2008 11:19 PM

Another romantic ending Willow - I must of missed something last time - laying in the flower beds wasn't terribly romantic!

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at February 5, 2008 11:14 PM

jenjen, all are invited. Twisted sisters, strange fish, woody things, kittens, ISTJs, ninas, db's, wishes and little doggy things with their leopard mates. Newbies too.

But I was hoping others would cook, I'll just drink and be merry. May even come up with another romantic ending depending on the host/hostess.

Virgil, hello, no was a helicopter. Spoilt my kids with a ride for my son's 5th birthday last year. Have not flown one myself, but have gone solo in a Cessna. That is real fun when the instructor just hops out and says you are ready to go and you have only done 6 hours training. Sorbent anyone!

Posted by: willow1059 at February 5, 2008 11:10 PM

Your photos not up-to-date Mr. Willow, hmmm....you telling us you don't REALLY look like that?

Another virtual dinner might be the go...the more we drink the less we care about photos!

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at February 5, 2008 11:02 PM

Cool photo, Willow, your own plane?
that would have the girls knocking down your door

Posted by: virgil at February 5, 2008 10:59 PM

Thanks All. Much better. My ISP even had a fit and dropped out for a mo'...

Ninaschen - Hi Back. Thats cool - how does one get a 'Hi' option?

GTTC

Posted by: greattimestocome at February 5, 2008 10:59 PM

MARINE VICTIM this morning:

@ 5.20am: You're a wretched blabbing spoilsport, and I also disagree with you about the photos. Especially the newest one with the hair drawn back: that's miles past 45!

But I agree with you about her risk of catching her choker on a thorn, while decamping at speed. Or should that be decafe-ing?

@ 6.45 and 7.37am: Mate, I've always admired the erudition of your more serious posts. Better than your fiction, I'm afraid.

Any serious student of Bills and Moon University would see immediately that at $100 grand a year, your rival is The Big Cheese himself, and the $10 sample was just burley.

No wonder it sucked her out of the goldfish bowl, and she must be a very well-mannered heroine, to have lasted the whole 10 days under water.

SPELLING KENNY @ 3.26am, when even I was already snoring:

Well done! Another proof that we night-owls don't miss a trick.

WnW and BOB, this morning: Your excellent drollery got me absolutely ROFLMBO. Good work fellers.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 5, 2008 10:58 PM

Another vitual dinner willow?
Now you're cooking :)
Can I bring my twisted sisters with me ?

Posted by: jenjen57 at February 5, 2008 10:56 PM

GTTC....cool profile...... had to peek.......nosey bugger that l am..........K

Posted by: auntykaz at February 5, 2008 10:55 PM

Ok GTTC I peeked :)

Posted by: jenjen57 at February 5, 2008 10:54 PM

willow here. I have a different problem. It seems I have trouble convincing people my photos are up to date, which lends itself to the are you being honest with me question.

Any ideas how to age them 5-10 years, perhaps another willow virtual dinner?

Posted by: willow1059 at February 5, 2008 10:53 PM

ohh hey GTTC you get that, the reason for my comments to that effect were if i didnt know the name, I wondered the purpose of it. It could of course be some poor souls with absolutely no idea how to write profiles.
I mean a recent viewer of my profile, didnt read, didnt go to moviesmostly hired dvd's and really liked SBS movies with subtitles. What sort of woman in her right mind would give a positive response to a bloke, no photo, with a profile like that?

Posted by: virgil at February 5, 2008 10:53 PM

Hi ninaschen ... what gives you that idea? There is no way I am just looking for the body beautiful ... just beautiful to me .... which may not be beautiful to someone else. After all, it's in the eye of the beholder isn't it? Everyone has their own preferences and often they are different to those of others'.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 5, 2008 10:47 PM

ninaschen..yes agree...shallow Hal is amongst many men/women and no doubt that is why they are still looking. What I find amazing are the people who are obviously overweight but they stipulate slim/athletic...hello!!!

Posted by: pixiemagic at February 5, 2008 10:46 PM

wishfulthinker03; PLEASE!! No more than 8 years younger (at the most..) Harrummpphh!! ;-)

Somone please look at my profile - the last guy to look (not you virgil) is scaring me!!!

Posted by: greattimestocome at February 5, 2008 10:45 PM

is there a generally accepted best practic manual for what is appropriate for what number date? like on firs date do we shake hands at end of date? 2nd date do we hug on meeting? and possibly kiss on cheek at end?

Posted by: virgil at February 5, 2008 10:43 PM

Nice to see two of my favourite blog boys playing nicely.

WnW - We are mates, you and I. And I am aware of your high standards when it comes to what you will accept in regard to the physical attributes of a potential partner. Of course, you (and everyone else) are perfectly entitled to your 'druthers'. But I have to say (and I am pouting now) that your focus on, and reference to, the body beautiful leaves those of us who are less than perfect, physically, feeling a little miffed.

We are not ready for the scrap-heap, just yet. And we have a lot to offer someone who is prepared to look past our physical flaws.

Posted by: ninaschen at February 5, 2008 10:34 PM

Virgil,

Yes there was a time when I too, played loud music in my car (and still do at times in un-built-up areas), but never so mindless, distorted and of an 'insect-killing' amplitude... It is a blessing when they pass...

Posted by: greattimestocome at February 5, 2008 10:33 PM

Music4Two, nothing wrong with the over 60's looking for a younger woman - a huge majority of those 20 years younger are looking (and wishing) for females 10-20 years younger than THEM!

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at February 5, 2008 10:32 PM

Something for you NF.

"...Each man is his own absolute law-giver, the dispenser of glory or gloom to himself; the decreer of his life, his reward, his punishment...."

Posted by: trumanscat at February 5, 2008 10:30 PM

Hi all. Most of the mistakes we make are not so much mistakes but our actions in and reactions to the situation we are placed. Saying its a mistake to talk too much about a particular subject or being too quiet or you shouldn't kiss or hug first date etc, isnt this just all about a persons personality?? They may not be smart moves but the other person might just happen to think that particular little quirk is just great. Mistakes would be definitely no old photos...you are only setting yourself up for humiliation, seeing ridicule or disbelief in the others eyes. That cant be a clever move. I think as long as you are honest and yourself if theres no 2nd date you obviously arent what the other is after.

Posted by: kateegirl at February 5, 2008 10:29 PM

Hi GTTC,

I feel pleased when other bloggers look at my profile, I guess it was the lurkers that troubled me, when you guys look, it is to see who you are talking to, which is perfectly valid and much appreciated, sort of acceptance into the club, or something like that, so feel free to look anytime, comment on what uyou see if you feel inclined.

I looked at yours, and got a smile from your use of the term "doof Doof" music. like as in what we hear from passing cars etc? well lucky if they are passing

Posted by: virgil at February 5, 2008 10:27 PM

I have to agree with timewarp1 on the age ranges. Seems once over 60 we males are put out to pasture by the girls and have the gate shut on our behinds turning back to look for slightly younger than their age group. What the devil is wrong with us elder seniors we come with maturity like a well preserved bottle of red. grins mere male.

Posted by: music4two at February 5, 2008 10:22 PM

Hi Kianee, In an attempt to be on topic - however momentarily - do you have any sage advice on dangerous mistakes to avoid?
GTTC

Posted by: greattimestocome at February 5, 2008 10:19 PM

Hey Virgil!!

Just to give you a fright - I clicked on your profile!! Sorry, you're the wrong gender... ;-)

Posted by: greattimestocome at February 5, 2008 10:06 PM

Never drive straight down the middle of the road Timewarp.... far too predictable a path......K

Posted by: auntykaz at February 5, 2008 10:05 PM

Hi Kianee...nice to see a new blogging face!

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at February 5, 2008 10:03 PM

I hear alot of people talking about ageism, and complaining that people are too closed minded, so they hide things so not to get judged.
Lets face it, we all have our preferences when it comes to an ideal partner. If someone only wants to date someone 20 years their junior, fine! that is their choice. Tricking them to think you are something you aren't is just wasting the time of everyone involved. If everyone was honest, and was themselves, life would be so much easier for all. A little honesty goes a long way

Posted by: nicolelovesbubbles at February 5, 2008 9:47 PM

Hi all. Dinner break, between shifts.

OLD GODDESS @ 9.05am: YESS MA'AM !! Best idea I've seen in these blogs to date!

And I can improve on it: make the splits at MID-decade, to line up with the want-ages that people are now actually specifying and searching for:

ie. under 25, 26-35, 36-45, 46-55, 56-65 and 66 and over (actually it's 66 and out, but please don't tell us old blokes and gals.)

Fair enough Kaz - it's just that
your previous post @ 8.13pm on the 4th had read slightly biassed to me:

The sort of expectations that are designed to prepare impressionable males to go and prepare to be heroic stoic cannonfodder, ready for every evil empire's subjugating wars.

Now that you're driving straight down the middle of the road, I feel much safer.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 5, 2008 9:43 PM

I'm not allowed to change my age on my profile, so now I'm stuck with the truth. And there are a few men out there who are stuck with a fib. I don't mind little fibs that help tweak the database in our direction.

I'm happily 52 and can't understand all the fuss about age. I look so much better than I did 10 years ago, I am so much more relaxed with my life and I know what I want. And I look ok. And I would like to go out with a man who looks ok.

But what about lying about your NAME? He signed his name Peter in all the emails, let me call him Peter all the way through our nice coffee meeting, then emailed afterwards that his name is Ivan? Then he emailed that I can't ask him about the name change. Then, when I eventually email OK, he lectures me some more that it was my responsibility to actually ask him if his name was really Peter. I would say this man indulges in self sabotage.

I reckon all fibs have to be cleared up either before or at the first meeting. Otherwise they become lies and reveal serious flaws. Do you agree?

Posted by: graceandwit at February 5, 2008 8:07 PM

Well after being a peeper since joining I have to say that I have watched with some bemusement, amazement also some real appreciation of of the wit and humour and also so Freidian names adopted by the participants, hows that Timewarp1 for a first enty ? lol oldergent. ps to some of you pedants out there, if I could spell I would be bloody good at crosswords.

Posted by: oldergent at February 5, 2008 8:01 PM

Before I even get to the date and send my email ,am I making a dangerous mistake by not understanding some "ideal partner" desires. Can someone please explain what is meant when a guy wants "sexy,but childlike and feminine". What could he possibly mean by childlike?I posted this last night but because it was my first posting it has taken a day to show and it is too far down the queue.Maybe it is a mars/venus thing.

Posted by: blueeyes1955 at February 5, 2008 5:30 PM

Tiemewarp. This is for you... l suggested to Niels to name the lady in question.... or report her .....not defending her actions in any way darl.... Bad behaviour certainly goes for both sexes and l think that has been more than well documented in the past. There aint no excuse for it....

Woodnwine and Notgodsgift....... a bit of a lurve in guys, so nice to see.

Let us know how it pans out..........K

Posted by: auntykaz at February 5, 2008 5:03 PM

Just to break up your wedded bliss boys.

If I could just point out to Trumans PussyCat that Eric is not “with” me. We might think alike and share mutual views on rsvp women (over 40) and wine, but that is it.

Back when I was trying to get SugarBabe to actually do something, like escape with me on a romantic tour of Paris and Prague, or was that Russia, maybe it was just a honeymoon cruise of the Greek Isles, with a huge diamond ring thrown in for good measure (OMG it’s nearly Valentines’ Day- time to duck for cover), she did suggest to me that as Eric and I thought alike we would make good travelling companions, but unless Eric has finally abandoned all hope at the altar of despair and wants to venture upon what Slimey thinks I am only good for now, Asian sex tours, then he has to stay put in Sydney moan, and mope whilst I similarly enjoy having this huge chip on my shoulder and my new found Victim Status.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 5, 2008 4:52 PM

Somehow Bob, I doubt it but anything could be better than some of the topics we have been given lately.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 5, 2008 4:41 PM

WnW,

Mate, continuing this conversation might just qualify as on topic!!!

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at February 5, 2008 4:34 PM

WnW,

Thats not what you said last night, baby!!!!

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at February 5, 2008 4:33 PM

Settle Bob.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 5, 2008 4:14 PM

WnW,

Me not your type mate.......dunno about that......there are rumours going around you know!!!!!?????

Onlinedatingexpert, Onlinedatingguru and now Onlinedatinggoddess....wow the list goes on....I might change my name to Onlinedatingdufus....at least I will be in the right place to give advice, and an expert in my field!!!

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at February 5, 2008 3:26 PM

Good on ya Bob ... don't worry mate, you're not my type anyway. If people are happy within themselves then that's what counts ... unless of course they are actually endangering their health.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 5, 2008 3:15 PM

Wnw,

You having a shot at me fella???

I have spent 52 years getting my body into this shape and buggered if I am going to change to impress society!!!

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at February 5, 2008 2:32 PM

Sadly femalepersuasion ... there are many people who have not treated themselves well. Some drink too much, some eat badly, some never exercise ... it all catches up in time.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 5, 2008 2:18 PM

OnlineDatingGoddess,

I had a peek because I was starting to get worried that I was struck with a trannie, and that she was hiding a nasty little surprise- not that I have anything against trannies, mind you; some of my best friends have alternative orientation- but it turned out that her well developed pecs were from doing too many tris and that all her bits and pieces were in order.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 5, 2008 1:46 PM

Hello. I read the blogs regularly, and admit to checking some profiles out of curiosity! I have tried to submit posts before but they generally end up in cyberspace. Technology is certainly not one of my strong points! I identify with may of the experiences that have been posted, but try to stay positive and patient for when I finally find him. It's all about living and learning...eh?
Cheers.

Posted by: bm1960 at February 5, 2008 1:21 PM

Hi Kianee - welcome to blogland :)

Posted by: jenjen57 at February 5, 2008 12:26 PM

Hi All,
making the plunge to join your merry gang. Love your comments, wise wonderful and wierd, reflecting life in general.

Posted by: kianee at February 5, 2008 11:46 AM

Woodnwine- yes ...attitude quite often maketh the man or women..but if you have a great attitude @ 50, but you look 65..chances are I won't be into you . BUt if you are a 65 year old guy that has taken care of himself with healthy eating and a
healthy lifestyle then I will be into you.

Posted by: femalepersuasion at February 5, 2008 11:44 AM

Oldgoddess - I agree that biological age isn't always so important but attitude definitely is. Some people are old for their age, some are young for their age.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 5, 2008 10:17 AM

mmm.... NF.. truth spoken under the guise of jest...nevertheless its truth, and you are one very clever guy..caught you peeking as well :)

Posted by: onlinedatinggoddess at February 5, 2008 9:32 AM

Aliane,

This bloke earns close to $100,000 a year and gets a weekend of it for a $10 breakfast.

But don’t forget, there is CHEMISTRY.

And a “relationship” if you call bedroom antics for little under a month a “relationship”.

Sounds more like free love to me, on the run and on the cheap.

I suppose it’s good if you can get it, but those women who give it away for nothing are normally regarded by most men with contempt.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 5, 2008 9:15 AM

Good points junebaby57. I sometimes wonder if women are reluctant to confess their biological age for the reason that a majority of men put in their ideal partner section that she is a woman who can be 10-20 years younger than them, but not even their own age.
Some people consider not revealing ones biological age a 'fib'..others consider it a 'lie'..but when you meet someone in the flesh you may have no idea what their actual age is...it doesn't really matter.

I say that both men and women have at least 3 things that they should never have to reveal to the general public.. these are age, weight and past sexual history.

I would prefer that this site had the option to just tick the 40's box or the 50's or whatever....

Posted by: onlinedatinggoddess at February 5, 2008 9:05 AM

morning guys
I can undrstand about the lady in question changing her age and telling fibs. She also may be getting men that are a lot older contacting her.

It is because of thw way that most of society percieves age and beauty.
OLD is not COOL.
Look at all the magazines, models, movie stars, tv shows amd movies.

I should also point out that men also tell fibs, I have met 2 guys that lied about age, discovered once I met them. Hair colour, blonde 10 years ago is not the grey or baldness you have now!!! Also not discovered till I met them!!

Now I know that any sane person knows that there is no point fibbing, but a lot of people are very insecure about age and looks.

I have a girjfriend who I went to school with , who is now 42 on RSVP, she is slim, attractive, but she still feels that she needs to fib....her reason is that your age puts you into catergories on RSVP, and she does not want old men!!!
So when I am out with her, I have to say I am the same age, or else the stories don't bloody match up!!!!

So I understand. But I don't do it as you get found out, and you will be called a liar...not worth the angst!!

NB. my profile is honest and truthful currently but note...I like 50 so I will be staying 50 for a couple more years!!!!!!!! hehehehe...have a lovely day all...jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at February 5, 2008 8:42 AM

D'oh.
Eric is with you isn't he?
Excellent Freudian slip.

Posted by: trumanscat at February 5, 2008 8:26 AM

Eric is with you isn't you? lol

Posted by: trumanscat at February 5, 2008 8:23 AM

Absolutely.
Live life as you want, if you are comfortable in your skin & the role you have assigned yourself. Life IS about the choices we make & ownership of the outcome...

Posted by: trumanscat at February 5, 2008 8:20 AM

PussyKat

I can wallow in it with the best of them.

Never let anyone outdo you in that department.

There are people who make a career of it.

And why do you wish resolution for?

Can’t I just go round for a few weeks or months with a great big chip on my shoulder?

And where is Eric these days anyway.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 5, 2008 8:06 AM

Based on the woman's insecurity related to her age & ageing physique does this mean she is completely & wholeheartedly a bad & undeserving individual?
If so then she is one dimensional.

Niels. Sharing your distress is valid, sharing enough of the lady's details so that she may be tracked by any number of bloggers irrespective of her "crime" is not.

Posted by: trumanscat at February 5, 2008 8:05 AM

Victim status.
A great & highly prized place that seems to generate a great deal of bitterness & anger NE.
Not really self serving in the long run, wishing for you resolution.

Posted by: trumanscat at February 5, 2008 7:59 AM

Lynath Dearest. Did you pose me a question?

I have just counted the cost of my latest Ride In Hell.

I am approximately $1000 out of pocket, and not much wiser for it either.

This misadventure lasted for 10 days and 10 nights, bit like Noah’s Ark really, once on board, just couldn’t get off.

For the duration she chose to sleep in a separate bunk, talked incessantly about her latest “boyfriend” (and I mean “latest” as she has had about 50 over the years I have known her), mobiled him every night, said that the weekend before they had a weekend of lust in return for him bringing to her a token offering of a block of cheese and spending $10 on breakfast on Sunday morning; asked at the conclusion of the misadventure to be dropped off at her latest and greatest boyfriend’s place, which I refused to do, but she made her way there anyway, and then told me that he showed her the sights of the city on Sunday after no doubt a night of inhouse “entertainment”

And this sweetie has had the audacity under various pseudonyms to lecture me on several occasions about my perceived “faults.”

Does that answer your question for you.

So if Niels thinks he is hard done by, I can outdo him any day in Victim status.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 5, 2008 7:37 AM

I’ve found her.

The new star of rsvp.

Hope she orders up big when she dines and walks.

Like the best on the menu (now what is the best on the menu these days, it used to be lobster mornay once, could be more exotic now), the most expensive wine, the top restaurant.

She has just earned herself 5 stars for Effort, Cunning and Ingenuity.

My pet hate is women who give away a weekend of sex in return for a block of cheese and a $10 breakfast at McDonalds on Sunday morning after a nighttime of lust and satisfaction (for him that is), or a drive around the sights on Sunday after they get out of bed, or years of sex without even once being taken to a restaurant, or on decent holidays, or on an overseas trip, or even having been taking out once.

All because “we’re in a relationship you know” (could have fooled me) or “”there’s chemistry” (yeah, well)

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 5, 2008 6:46 AM

Google is a wonderful creation, after her telling me her real name and the fiasco of the date, curiosity got the better of me and voila there she was on another non dating site with the correct age 60. And on the membership of several speed dating groups, she certainly is a busy person.

Posted by: niels at February 5, 2008 6:30 AM

A picture tells a thousnad words, when it is recent and someone has not put it through a computer program. The ladies photos are unfortunately NOT recent and very much doctored.. Much like her age and build description...A great pity I think she clould have been a nice person once, but not now

Posted by: niels at February 5, 2008 6:19 AM

Nah, still can’t find Ginette.

She must be in hiding.

Normally I can suss blondes quick smart.

So you reckon she’s all of 60 eh.

Doesn’t look a day over 45.

Actually I know a redhead who wears a throat protecting scarf.

Never a good idea in the dating industry.

Workplace Health and Safety, you know. Big Issue.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 5, 2008 5:20 AM

timewarp1
It would appear that some women have a problem remembering when they were born.I noticed a 48 yr old cutie on the gold coast whose children ranged from 28 to 35 oh Joy oh joy you must have been a child bride to say the very least

Posted by: abckenny at February 5, 2008 3:26 AM

T L DIARY

Oh dear - I used another rude word in my acronym @ 1.27am. (Unintentionally this time.) I take it back. Please delete and replace with ROFLMBO.

SIR KENNETH OF ALPHABET @ 1.53am:

I like your attention to detail, sir.

I had also noted the misspelling last night, but don't believe this was actually a warning to potential partners, in the way some women bury their actual age in their profile's fine print, so as to advise those readers who are literate, rather than only picture-it.

I believe she meant to write 'dining', which we now know she sees as just foreplay, but actually wrote the name of the action which climaxes her successful evenings.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 5, 2008 2:27 AM

WOODNWINE @ 8.57am 4th, in the "Can you find love?" blog, which was then immediately closed, so as to give you the last word. They thought. (Still visible, in the Jan. 08 archive.)

"Timewarper - you misunderstood. I agree that it either works or it doesn't, but I was saying it may not happen on the first meeting ... but it should happen by the 2nd, or it probably won't.

Some people are nervous or shy on the 1st meeting and loosen up on the 2nd and you get to know them better, and you will maybe even see them differently."

You were actually agreeing with my previous post, M. Yes - shy (ie. usually introverted) people CAN take a couple of dates to loosen up.

SO JUDGING THEM ON THE FIRST DATE COULD BE A BIG MISTAKE. (Still on topic in this blog, eh?)

What I was saying was that I'm looking for an extrovert like me, and extroverts only need my rapt attention for less than ten minutes, to let them open up and be themselves.

Allowing me to decide reliably at the first date whether I want another date - and that's my only goal for my first meetings, beyond enjoying the lady's company at the time.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 5, 2008 2:00 AM

What's the prize Eddie? I am ready to solve now....
she did say she loves dining and walking.... some people are so literal aren't they...

Posted by: thelynathdiary at February 4, 2008 11:05 PM
Actually she is one of those women who like Dinning not dining

Posted by: abckenny at February 5, 2008 1:53 AM

It's people like that which make this site painful. Many come on here thinking they will find others in the same situation as themselves - unable to find "the one" amongst the people who are just plain rude, selfish and superficial. Unfortunately through some of my experiences, it seems like these same people have just gotten lazy and are simply taking their bitchiness to RSVP.

Heres are a few bad experiences Ive had with people from RSVP:

- I have been accused of being a stalker and a weirdo for wanting to walk a girl to her car.
- I have had a girl let out a sigh of disappointment upon seeing me in person because I am not tall with rippling muscles like someone out of a Calvin Klein catalogue and then proceeded to pick my appearance to pieces throughout the night.
- I had a girl, who was a teacher and whom I had asked what she taught, reply to me with a rather rude email that only told me to reread her profile, pay attention to what she wrote because the answer to my question is there and email her again. Her profile never said what she taught ..
- I had a girl suggest the only reason I contacted her was because of the cleavage showing in her profile photo which left me wondering why she posted such a photo if she was going to be paranoid about it.

.. And something I have read a few times in a profile - "I just want someone who will love me for me and not what I look like" written in the main text, and "Someone HOT" written in their preferred partners.

Having said all this, not all the women on the site are like this. I have met a few great people, so I like to think I have been hitting a minority most of the time. It's important to expect this sort of thing at least once and not to take it to heart if it happens.

Posted by: malteser0679 at February 5, 2008 1:28 AM

Some rooly interesting posts tonight.

THE DREADED LURKERS who perve on your profiles!!!

They're not the slightest worry to me. Quite the reverse. Ever since I've been posting to these blogs I have at least 3 or 4 a day checking my profile - and probably more that I don't know about, because I don't have RSViP.

Both genders and all ages. And all very welcome to boost my ego by showing they want to know even more about the resident blog wrinklie who raves on as if he thinks he's still a spring chicken. (Or should that read young cockerel?)

Blokes: if you're uncomfortable about other blokes checking your profile, I suggest this: before you go all homophobic and fall out of your tree, think that they may just admire what you said, and want to know more about you. They're in your fan club, feller!

Look at all the mags that tell us (that's you maybe - not me) all the intimate details you want to know about the personal lives of famous singers and TV/film stars.

Why not famous writers too? Because that's you are, you know, in our little blog pond. And our Who magazine is our collective profiles.

Enjoy fame and your fan club while it lasts, and worry when noone votes for you with their mouse!

GREAT TIMES TO COME: Oh dear! I forgot to send the man with the bell out in front of me again!

Had thought it was obviously a teensy bit tongue in cheek. I usually aim for "many a true word spoken in jest." That's as close to funny as I can get.

ALIANE: YOU MADE MY WEEK!

Your "Professor"? Actually I never got past Senior (ie. wrinklie) Lecturer - my current role here, eh?

One of my children once complained to my Ex. in my presence that I did go on a bit, and she replied "Your father is a Harangue-utan." Good one, Joan!

KAZ @ 8.13pm:

Another example of the partisan attitude that I see so often on the blogs: male misdemeanors are castigated, but when a woman misbehaves, the man is supposed to take it on the chin, keep a stiff upper lip and get over it.

After 30 years of feminism, the double standard is still alive and kicking, eh?

THE L D @ 11.05pm: Another classic! ROFLMAO!

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 5, 2008 1:27 AM

Hi everyone. You are all so amusing. I am computer challenged and with the DIY instructions even I eventually found her!

Posted by: warmglo at February 5, 2008 12:47 AM

Well if thats a mild personality disorder Virgil, you had a lucky escape !!
Really does make you wonder about some people though hey :)

Posted by: jenjen57 at February 5, 2008 12:38 AM

a mistake that was not on the first date that happened to me recently was that I sent a kiss to a woman who admitted to a mild personality disorder in her profile, well rather than the usual kiss reply, this woman used a stamp to send me a reply headed P*** Off. The body of the message said "dont even think about it f***wit

Posted by: virgil at February 5, 2008 12:31 AM

I suspect we are all lucky she is not on line, as he has now become infamous all over the country

Posted by: virgil at February 5, 2008 12:18 AM

ahh I'm soo lucky, I'm getting some real cracker -jack blokes checking my profile, the latest, (no pic) not interested in reading, likes SBS movies with sub titles, doesnt go to movies....... any chance this bloke might not be finacially secure?

Posted by: virgil at February 5, 2008 12:14 AM

Stop asking the poor man for yet more clues! Can't you see he's embarrassed?

Simple DIY instructions: As you log off, disable your automatic recognition by RSVP.

Log back on as a visitor with address Brisbane 4000. Call up Search for female, age 56, within 25km.

If female, use clues already given, If male, look for blonde with black dress and throat-protecting neck scarf.

Then try to remember your password ,so you can get back on as you.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 5, 2008 12:11 AM

yee haaa

Posted by: virgil at February 4, 2008 11:57 PM

I think i have found her

Posted by: virgil at February 4, 2008 11:55 PM

C'mon people.

You had all the info you need - claimed she was 56, claimed she had an athletic body type. You knew it was limited to Queensland and once you plugged that into the search function, you initially had four letters and the placement of them in the name.

It's not really that difficult :)

Posted by: stoic at February 4, 2008 11:50 PM

wIshful - you will gEt me into trouble asking things like That !!

Maybe one of the most common mistakes we make is that looks can be deceptive !!

Posted by: jenjen57 at February 4, 2008 11:45 PM

age and location ?

Posted by: virgil at February 4, 2008 11:42 PM

Can I buy a vowel?

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at February 4, 2008 11:39 PM

jenjen57....soooooo?????

Posted by: pixiemagic at February 4, 2008 11:32 PM

age please

Posted by: virgil at February 4, 2008 11:27 PM

Yep, found her !!

Posted by: jenjen57 at February 4, 2008 11:26 PM

Niels you have all of our undivided attention, we await with baited breath the final clues

Posted by: virgil at February 4, 2008 11:26 PM

no special diet and is creative
gee i thinkyou will get it soon jenjen

Posted by: thelynathdiary at February 4, 2008 11:24 PM

Neils...alls fair in love and war..do your men friends a service!!

Posted by: pixiemagic at February 4, 2008 11:23 PM

maybe its not safe to spell name out in full, age and distance from postcode 4000 and we can all use our natural sleuthing abilities

Posted by: virgil at February 4, 2008 11:16 PM

Goodheavens Neils...why dont you just spell out the name in full??
Posted by: pixiemagic at February 4, 2008 11:01 PM

Come on Niels.........the missing letters please...........

Posted by: jenjen57 at February 4, 2008 11:13 PM

What's the prize Eddie? I am ready to solve now....
she did say she loves dining and walking.... some people are so literal aren't they...

Posted by: thelynathdiary at February 4, 2008 11:05 PM

To tell the truth GTTC, I think it was me being a bit slow on the up-take, not realising you meant comments in the "ideal profile"section.
As you say, it's raised quite a bit of comment which has been interesting, especially NotGod'sGift's contribution about ambiguity. I think he was on the money there - so many things are open to individual interpretation and what we write is not necessarily what is read by others.

Could that be a "dangerous mistake" we make, assuming everyone will understand our meaning in both our profiles and our blog comments??

Just trying to stay on topic here... :-)

Posted by: victoriadownunder at February 4, 2008 11:04 PM

virgil, nothing sinister in that last comment. Just referring to an old post on the blogs.

Posted by: thelynathdiary at February 4, 2008 11:04 PM

you guys have me fascinated, I did a search of brissy ladies, no luck, i then did a mame search of G n te still no idea (has eveyone heard that joke?)

hints maybe? would love to see the profile of this famous person

Posted by: virgil at February 4, 2008 11:03 PM

Goodheavens Neils...why dont you just spell out the name in full??

Posted by: pixiemagic at February 4, 2008 11:01 PM

Aliane, am not sure what you mean but I am not in contact with NeuroticFish..... he is not my type..he says he is a meat eating vegetarian and if I recall a religous atheist. His friend somelifeinmeyet always makes me laugh though.
How close are you two I am wondering?

Posted by: thelynathdiary at February 4, 2008 10:38 PM

I havent heard that Lynathdiary, but I now know there is much virtue in patience.

Many rewards also

Posted by: virgil at February 4, 2008 10:33 PM

Yes Virgil, a raging bush fire can pose a bit of a problem.

Especially as sometimes its a little difficult to relight the fire when the match has already been burnt.

Posted by: picklessister at February 4, 2008 10:31 PM

Virgil if that is what you think then it must be time for a reposting of "Patience meets The Dominator"

Posted by: thelynathdiary at February 4, 2008 10:30 PM

To make a comment on the topic, if there is a genuine spark with both people, there is not that much that can go wrong, except if the spark becomes a raging bushfre out of control at the first meeting. This thankfully does not happen too often to people in mid 50s as we all know better than that by now.

Posted by: virgil at February 4, 2008 10:17 PM

NF...who is SHE??

Posted by: pixiemagic at February 4, 2008 10:03 PM

Yes, Pixie, you lovely bit of womanhood.

But have you noticed that SHE hasn’t appeared on the blogs for months.

Probably can’t get off the floor for laughter.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 4, 2008 9:55 PM

VDU!!
I was not referring to the way YOU had described yourself (and I hadn't remembered by the way - sorry), I was referring to when people put it in the 'ideal partner would be;' section.

Yours is rather nice, stating; 'happily employed' which is very clear and perfectly understandable. (I think I even say 'employed' in my ideal - can't remember that either...).

Sorry I wasn't a bit clearer, but its started a lot of talk on here about it that helps to clear it up for me...

woodnwine at February 3, 2008 11:42 PM made an excellent observation and timewarps was very interesting as well, although a little cynical...

Posted by: greattimestocome at February 4, 2008 9:54 PM

NF...your just toooooo goood to be true...I cant take my eyes off you!!! (even with a hidden profile)...heeee heee

Posted by: pixiemagic at February 4, 2008 9:48 PM

Alright Pixie Babe.

How come I end up with the Fatal Attraction types.

I know.

It’s not HER.

It’s ME.

As seen in that stupid commercial that used to run on TV.

I’ve left a Will somewhere, just in case.

Anyway she’s probably off to Yoga pro tem, or was that the Yoghurt she fed me- probably laced with Rat Poison.

Note to self- the decongestant most readily available to women is Anti Freeze (ref Courier Mail 31 Jan 2008)

So warfarin, conveniently popped into the salad she prides herself on, may not be the current Weapon Of Choice.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 4, 2008 9:41 PM

Come on NF..sweetie...sweetie...you give a blast and you gonna a get a blast right back at you...I have to stick up for the women folk here and we arent all Fatal Attraction types!!!...

Posted by: pixiemagic at February 4, 2008 9:30 PM

Pixie,

Sweetie.

I’m copping it full blast at the moment.

She’s firing on all cylinders. 12 guage BORE

Hey sweetie, it’s spelt BORE, as in BORING

Ain’t got time for the 4999 others

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 4, 2008 9:21 PM

neuroticfish Hey why make a comment and hide your profile.
Maybe you will be the next Mark

Posted by: niels at February 4, 2008 9:18 PM

neuroticfish...interesting...have you actually experienced the 5000?

Posted by: pixiemagic at February 4, 2008 9:14 PM

Niels.

Crap!

You have singled out one woman.

What about the other 5000 doing exactly the same.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 4, 2008 9:03 PM

financially secure - to me it means equal to me or better. i.e Have your own home with a smallish morgtage, as have I, have a reasonable car, if not a home, investments to equal it, have super for your future, be able to shout dinner out occaisionally, as will I, be able to travel away for weekends, be able to afford birthday and christmas gifts, as do I. Not living from pay to pay.

I am not mercenary, I have been at work since the 18 year old was 6 months old, I have worked soooo hard to get my house, my good job, my life, all the nice bits!!! I never received maintainence or any help from the ex!.

So I want an equal or better!!

I think some men do, even in this day and age, and from my experience, do get put off by successful independant women, so if the guy is better or higher up the food chain, he may not be bothered by what I have or don't have!!!!

Just my thoughts.....jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at February 4, 2008 8:48 PM

Niels, good that you have aired your grievance with the proper channels.

Who knows what motivation someone has for behaving in the manner that this woman did to you and others, but as annoying as it was, put it down to a darned bad experience and look forward to what may come.........K

Posted by: auntykaz at February 4, 2008 8:13 PM

Before I even get to the date and send my email ,am I making a dangerous mistake by not understanding some "ideal partner" desires. Can someone please explain what is meant when a guy wants "sexy,but childlike and feminine". What could he possibly mean by childlike?

Posted by: blueeyes1955 at February 4, 2008 6:59 PM

OLD GODDESS

I think you were a bit tough on niels.

Psychologists know that a negative description of another is usually also a self-description.

And even eight-year-old Brisbane girls have a word for it:

"Whatyousayiswhatyouare!"

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 4, 2008 6:58 PM

THE LYNATH @ 2.43pm

Oh Thank you so much TLD - I loved that - real wit.

I should however add in my defence that Niels had said she was quite short, so I was thinking of "itty bitty **t*h" which has that double T in duplicate - thus adding up to the 5 teas she bludged last week. That we know about.

Will the other 2 blokes who also had their heads bitten off last week please own up? There's no disgrace - all the blokes are doing it.

Enough of this frivolity - off to see my dying friend in the General before they move her tomorrow to a far more distant nursing home. Comatose most of the time now. Sometimes recognises me.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 4, 2008 6:44 PM

onlinedatinggoddess
I am very happy to say that although I have not founfd my match so far I have made several exceptional lady friends from my dates we have become friends not lovers but that is great. This particular person has done the identical thing to too may men for it to be coincidental. I appreciate your defending other ladies and that is great as this one is an exception, seems hell bent on just upsetting any man she can date, As for naming her that's a no no on the blog and yes she has now been reported by several men who she has treated like this. All power to the genuine members of RSVP

Posted by: niels at February 4, 2008 5:53 PM

Niels a tip... if what happened offended, upset and peed you off so much why not just alert the RSVP powers that be and lodge a formal complaint...and encourage others who have had this happen to them to do the same.....

If you are going to name her just do it and stop playing games..........K

Posted by: auntykaz at February 4, 2008 4:59 PM

I am soo glad to hear many different versions of financially secure, when I thought it meant one thing. It actually makes me fee more comfortable in myself to know that to some, it means we can pay for the coffee's and have the bus fare home.

And I wonder how many profiles which stated financially secure before the recent stockmarket meltdown have been adjusted.... I bet not many

Posted by: virgil at February 4, 2008 4:30 PM

I dont mind if the guys who regularly contribute on here view my profile, as I will view profiles of other guys who chat on here, a Its nice to know something about who I'm chatting to basis, however its the lurkers, who watch but never contribute, that make me feel uncomfortable

Posted by: virgil at February 4, 2008 4:22 PM

Niels: I am sorry that you have had an unpleasant dating experience with this lady and I am sure many others could talk about similar experiences, but If you can try and keep in mind that we are all different, with different expectations and perceptions...and it reflects back on ourselves if we are judgemental of others.

Maybe she was inconsiderate of your feelings, may be you were of hers or pssibly even she has emotional problems that she is having trouble dealing with, if she is aware of them at all. Whatever the reason, bringing her to the attention of other RSVP members, whilst seeming to be for the protection of others benefit, may be purely sour grapes on your part.

Live and let live. If she was unworthy of your attention, just move on. No different than in real life really.

Lets hope that the other women who have dated you and not wanted to go back on a second date with you, dont post their reasons why.

Dating is after all a purely subjective experience.

Posted by: onlinedatinggoddess at February 4, 2008 3:24 PM

Pay attention Timewarp...he said there are two t's in the name, so bitch is not it.
Can I buy another vowel?

Posted by: thelynathdiary at February 4, 2008 2:43 PM

Hi All,

As a postscript to "Financially Secure"; it means (to me), that I can pay my own way, and yours, should you wish to meet me. As I have no intention of marriage (even co-habitation is wayyyy down the list); what you have is of no concern for me, its yours not mine, and I dont want it anyway. See what I a mean about ambiguity?

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at February 4, 2008 2:41 PM

Hi All,

Financially secure to me means that you can pay your own way, but I am aware that it can mean different things to different people, its just another of those ambiguous words that people use to describe themselves without actually understanding that the word is ambiguous. I dont own my own home etc etc, but I can afford to pay for my dates and usually avoid contact with people who have this term in their profile, without a qualification.

Dont assume that people are being ingenuous when they desribe themselves; evil people dont see themselves as evil, people with hangups dont necessarily see themselves having hangups, stalkers dont see themselves as stalkers etc etc. What you have to try to do is read between the lines (sometimes that is a dead giveaway); not easy but gut instincts count for heaps as far as I am concerned.

Niels,

Sounds like you poor dear is looking for free meals and does this as an escape just in case she might have to pay her share...pretty clever actually...not saying its right, just clever!!

Hi Virgil,

Not sure how your name could be taken as female....but thats just me. My pet hate is logging into RSVP and seeing some guys dial looking back at me....creepy. Guys, this is not GayMatchmaker, if you want to look at other guys profiles, by all means, knock yourselves out....but turn off the "Views"!!!

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at February 4, 2008 12:54 PM

Timewarp..what a great idea..cracked me up.

I think you guys need to lodge a complaint re her dating style. I agree with Timewarp shes doing it for a free meal...(I am sure you guys are really HOT too but i think maybe thats not the priority for her spending time with you).

Posted by: picklessister at February 4, 2008 12:32 PM

NIELS

Five RSVP dinner dates in one week? Now that's impressive endurance!

I had four in one week in Feb 2006 when I was a newbie, and then had to take the whole next week off from dating - my head was bursting with a jumble of life stories.

But what I really want to know - and I'm guessing the answer - when she suddenly and unexpectedly bared her fangs straight after dessert, bit hard and left, was each bloke also left - to pay the whole bill?

If so, maybe she's NOT paying the male sex back for what some man once did to her - she may just be a gold-digger with an unusually nasty technique. Always bites the hand that just fed her, instead of saying thank you.

This is one of the reasons I specify Dutch on a first date, right there in my initial email - unless she's a pensioner, of course.

Or this charmer's business may be failing (you'd wonder how she treats customers, and how much repeat business she gets as a result ...) And everyone has to eat. At least one meal a day.

And now I must go chase the $$. Seeyezall tonight.
Interestinggg ....

OK: Who's going to take her to dinner, and after ordering dessert but just before it comes, suddenly and unemotionally tell her in a quiet voice that he knows her little trick, and here's payback for all the mates - 'bye bitch!

(Sorry D. Sisters - coundn't stop myself ...)

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 4, 2008 10:58 AM

Now let me guess.

Is it Gabrielle, Gaelle, Gaetane, Galatee, Galena, Galenka, Galice, Galienne, Garabine, Gaye, Genessee, Genevieve, Genever, Genevie, Georgie, Georgine, Georgitte, Geraldine, Gerdie, Gerhardine, Germaine (poor germaine), Gertrude, Gezane, Ginerva, Gisele, Gislyne, Gloria-Rose, Godalupe, Gorane, Gotzone, Grace, Goldie, Govanne, Gracie, Grainne, Graycie, Greenlea, Grisandole, Griswalde, Grisjahilde, Guadalupe, Guenevere, Guilane, Guiseppe, Gurice, Gwenaelle, Gwendolyne, Gwenelda,

No. No enough T’s, let alone coffee.

I Give up. Never was much good at this game.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 4, 2008 9:33 AM

There are actually people like that out there? That's so sad! Too bad niels you're older and in the wrong state... i'd take you out and show you we aren't all like that!! :) Just one friendly terms of course! There are some of us here who are legitimate. I have been here three weeks (this site) and have met one person which was scary... never done the blind dating thing before... he paid which he insisted and i felt guilty, so i bought the drinks.. lol! Still looking for MrRight... but i think i might end up like that skeleton on the bus stop bench LOL!... That picture/joke always makes me laugh!

Posted by: proudmum1973 at February 4, 2008 9:23 AM

TIMEWARP AND OTHERS
Perhaps if all those that she has "touched", lodged complaints with RSVP, they could remove her, I'm sure they don't intentionally allow this sort of "bashing" on the site. It is for meeting genuine people not for some warped person, either male and female to get revenge for something that has happened either real or imagined.

Posted by: niels at February 4, 2008 6:11 AM

Timewarp and others

Yes the fourth letter is an E and the are 2 T's in there. What in the name of God is this woman trying on. Five guys in a week...SHE CANNOT BE SERIOUS, makes you wonder what hatred of men she has to sucker them in and walk so often. She is dangerous to your wallet and emotions

Posted by: niels at February 4, 2008 5:49 AM

NIELS

Is the 4th letter also "e"? If so, she's been at it again today. Thank you again for the tipoffs, fellers.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 4, 2008 2:06 AM

KAZ: I checked your maths against what I'd seen on the clock, and in the land of unfiddled time it had been about 10 to 4 - half an hour before the first birds would have distracted me from nodding off. Ten to six is almost sun-up this week: far too late to be going to bed.

Perhaps I should explain: my timewarp is about days as well as years - I'm behind everyone else on going to bed, as well as in getting old.

"FINANCIALLY SECURE":

Can I have something else please?

When I first got the internet 2 years ago, I dialled RSVP, said I was an old broiler and could they show me their most popular models of Brisbane fellers aged 60-75. Wanted to see what I was up against. (In business it's called benchmarking, in war, espionage.)

Looked at the 100 most-recently out on the tiles, and took detailed notes. For example: what kind of photos did they use to market themselves? Then I suddenly remembered the mythic Ad in the Personals:

"Wanted: de facto for keen fisherman. Must be able to bait hooks and fillet fish. Preference to woman with boat and trailer. If so, send photo of them - side view preferred."

And I looked at the words they were using to market themselves.

Then I signed on and wrote my own profile, with a couple of copycat ideas, but otherwise trying to stress where I was different from the mob, both in what I was offering and what I hoped to find.

I believe you can usefully divide female recycled singles into 3 groups:

* Gold-diggers (he pays every time, because Lucy's in the sky for diamonds are a girl's best friend)

* Gold-guarders (his assets need to be more than mine, or I'm taking a risk that he might be able to reduce my net worth with as little as 6 months' cohabitation)

* Women who are focussed on mutual bliss, rather than getting or guarding mammon. So glad to see below that you girls are in this group.

The gold-diggers want your # 2 below, because to them more is better. No. 2 is their idea of "financially secure". Till they get amongst it.

The gold-guarders may settle for him having his home fully paid off plus an income of as little as $60,000 a year after child support - if so, that's their idea of F.Secure.

The love and bliss seekers hope he has the pension if they do, and double that if he's of working age, so that he'll never need to worry where his next rent payment is coming from.

I'm nearly financially secure enough for that, most months. So I keep thinking what a satisfying pet I'd make for a financially secure Brisbane divorcee aged between about 58 and 65.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 3, 2008 11:54 PM

Not sure that is always true Jabba, often you get a nice surprise somewhere. Lots of things are free - a smile, a laugh, a walk in the park....and I'm not sure I have my "price" - does that make me cheap or free??? Not sure....

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at February 3, 2008 11:43 PM

Another take .... some people lost a lot in their divorce so would probably "prefer" to meet someone who is in a similar financial position as them ... because they can't afford to lose again should things go bottoms up. Having said that though, if I met the woman of my dreams I probably wouldn't care if she was living in a bus shelter ... well, maybe that's a slight exaggeration but you know what I mean.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 3, 2008 11:42 PM

Interesting question GTTC, and seeing I state financially secure in my profile (as you well know), let me put in my two cents worth.

I don't want to be confused with the gold diggers out there hoping to find a financier... I'm more than able to pay my way in life and on a date, for which I'm very glad.

What is it about the statement that actually makes you wary??? I'd assume that men would find a financially secure woman a relief, knowing she wasn't here looking for a free ride... but I'm willing to be corrected!!

Posted by: victoriadownunder at February 3, 2008 11:28 PM

Virgil and GTTC, people tend to check out the bloggers profiles regularly - both genders (or all genders) because they see your name in the left hand side text box and want to find out who is blogging. I often check out a new blogger - nice to put a face/profile to what is written and because I"m just naturally nosey :)

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at February 3, 2008 10:51 PM

another way to say financially secure, might be to be at least as well off as one might reasonably expect a person to be at that particular age and stage of life. Maybe for someone in their mid 50s that might mean enough to get by for about a year without working, whereas to someone in their 20s it might mean able to survive till next payday

Posted by: virgil at February 3, 2008 10:42 PM

Virgil, Thanks. Thats another take.

Must away. Nite all.

Posted by: greattimestocome at February 3, 2008 10:41 PM

My understanding of the term financially secure would be different for different people. If I said I was secure, i feel it would indicate I had my home paid off, or nearly, had enough investments that I wouldnt need to work anymore.

Posted by: virgil at February 3, 2008 10:35 PM

Today122. not THAT specific. Just reading between the lines (perhaps incorrectly) - its just a vibe really. And I don't have much to speak of anyway, (can pay own way and occasionally pick-up whole tab), so its not really an issue.

(Have I broken the site?)

Posted by: greattimestocome at February 3, 2008 10:26 PM

But of course if someone did want to dump bucketloads of $ around me, then I'd hardly say no, hey!! No - I'd just be mighty suspicious and outathere I reckon.
The easiest way to find out - meet them and you'd be able to figure it pretty quickly I think.
But what sort of things do people say? That they want to spend up big on the one they meet? or that they want the one they meet to spend up big on them?

Posted by: today122 at February 3, 2008 10:06 PM

Timewarp, ironic @0449?? God l was tucked up in my bed sleeping soundly and dreaming sweet dreams!!.....

Maybe you were nodding off darl!

Oh hang on you Queenslanders don't do daylight saving, so here it would have been 0549....... was still sleeping soundly though.............K

Posted by: auntykaz at February 3, 2008 10:05 PM

today122, Yes, similar in style to option 2. My optimism has me in your camp, that neither are looking for a meal ticket. I have just wondered though as it could mean so many things to so many people... (Plus I can be a bit wary)
GTTC

Posted by: greattimestocome at February 3, 2008 10:01 PM

GTTC - what - similar in style to your second meaning? I think I have on mine financially secure or whatever, about me, but I don't word anything about that in what I'm looking for.
I assume that it's a given, that neither person is looking for a meal ticket.

Posted by: today122 at February 3, 2008 9:56 PM

Also, I wasn't sure how many 'loser guys' might be out there of the likes that picklessister describes - that might cause this sort of statement...
GTTC

Posted by: greattimestocome at February 3, 2008 9:53 PM

Hi Timewarp, hope it prevents you and other guys being ripped off financially and emotionally. Thsi "lady" is trying to set the world record for dating and dropping. Wish I could let her name out, other tip though she likes to walk on the beach with her dog and is short

Posted by: niels at February 3, 2008 9:51 PM

today122 - I guess I'm checking my instincts. The profiles that mention this seem to be quite specific, rather similar in style and my internal alarm rings..
GTTC

Posted by: greattimestocome at February 3, 2008 9:46 PM

GTTC - I agree with today122 . If I saw that on a profile I would assume it meant the first also.

Posted by: jenjen57 at February 3, 2008 9:43 PM

GTTC - for me it means the first...that you can pay your way..and afford to get out and about..rather than pleading the ole "i have no money babe lets watch reruns on the tv and you make me a nice cheese sandwich".

BUT, i am guessing for some (him and her) it might mean number 2 :)

Posted by: picklessister at February 3, 2008 9:43 PM

GTTC - doesn't it mean the first? Each person can pay their own way, in general, not just on a date, and isn't looking for a meal ticket.
Why do you ask?

Posted by: today122 at February 3, 2008 9:37 PM

Hi KAZ. Sorry again. I was being ironic at 4.49am rather than humourous, and never guessed that you wouldn't get it. Never any wish to offend others who are also wearing the white Stetson.

So next time I'll get a man with a bell to walk in front of me, so I don't frighten the horses.

THE LYNATH DIARY

Excellent advices to him. And so nice to see that you're back from Vac.

VIRGIL

Think I was one of the people who peeked. As someone said after you asked, when we hear a new voice on the radio, we wonder who's talking.

In my case I tend only to check sex. age and home town to let me pinpoint you, and then get back to focusing on your blog words.

NIELS Thanks mate. Not into serial ballbreakers, till after they've sent their baggage to Luggage Point. (Brisbane in-joke)

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 3, 2008 9:31 PM

All,
Tell me, what does 'financially secure' mean to fellow bloggers. I've seen it on a few profiles and it usually makes me a bit wary.
I wonder if it means;
1. 'expect the guy to be able to at least pay his own way or pick-up the dinner tab occasionally' or is it
2. 'expect you to be quite well-off, own your own home, a couple of cars and a boat and be able to drop all your disposable cash on me'...

All opinions sought..
GTTC

Posted by: greattimestocome at February 3, 2008 9:28 PM

thelynathdiary @ 1734,

I know what you mean however that state has never been an attraction to me - quite the opposite really - all that responsibility... But then I probably think too much.

I, too, am guilty of checking other bloggers profiles - its sometimes good to see who is writing.
GTTC

Posted by: greattimestocome at February 3, 2008 9:23 PM

Warning to all males in Brisbane, be careful of a "lady", RSVP name starts with a G and ends with an E as does her real name, claims to 56 but is 60, claims to be athletic but not.
Since I did my post about my experience with her have had contact from a fourth male she has done the same thing to 2 days before she did it to me. Can be costly and upsetting experience

Posted by: niels at February 3, 2008 8:59 PM

I am rather indifferent about RSVP and dating at the moment. I met a girl on here last year and we dated for a while and ended up together. Our relationship was wonderful, brilliant. We were going to get a house and have babies. Then she had a schizophrenic episode, and i lost the love of my life, and have endured months of pain and heartache. Shes now on rsvp again, I wont post her name, but I pity anyone who she sucks in. She will do the same thing over and over. And now I must move on. So be warned people...

Posted by: faldofish at February 3, 2008 8:20 PM

Aliane do not sell yourself short....
Everyone has their contributions and no matter what it is your right to express what you feel.
You write some lovely things here, and as l read them l can imagine them being said in a very musical voice...........................K

Posted by: auntykaz at February 3, 2008 7:56 PM

Well, have just experienced an interesting first date, she seemed so nice and interested when we talked on the "phone arranged the dinner meeting, rather expensive selection.
Charming during dinner and as then as the coffee arrived just got up threw an insult and left.
Wondering what I did wrong only to find out from another member, friend that, this same woman did exactly the same to him and he says he knows of one other..WOW watch out guys

Posted by: niels at February 3, 2008 7:52 PM

Hi all I have just had a quick read through all the posts and I have just realised I am almost 30 and I have never had a first date!! Dont get me wrong I have been in relationships but never "dated" I feel wrong somehow, I will be reading the posts more closely soon but until then im worried this whole online thing may not work for me. I thought I had covered all the "first time" stuff where relationships were concerned, i am a mum so that covers that!! but I have never dated..im abit worried.

Posted by: mizm at February 3, 2008 7:26 PM

Yes, its amusing when you get all these people looking at your profile when blogging here...sometimes I forget, and some very hot 42 year old fella appears and I get a split second flutter until I remember that it was just out of curiosity from reading something I said here...:>)

Posted by: lamuse at February 3, 2008 6:34 PM

Beatles82 the only way to grow as a person is to take chances, sometimes make mistakes and then learn from them. You have the courage to take chances which is great and you obviously want to find love and a settled relationship. Everyone here does but most of us find that it is not easy or straightforward and takes lots of chances and false starts and sometime heartache before it happens, and lots of time. It is so disappointing when the ones we want don't want us. Sometimes when people want the end objective very much they try to rush things. Some of the girls you are meeting might not feel the magical chemistry in any case, no matter what your approach.

You will meet the right person who reciprocates your feelings one of these days. In the meantime don't get upset. Look at each person you meet as a stepping stone. From each experience, good or bad ,you will take away ideas and clarifications about what your ideal partner will really be like and what you are really like yourself. All takes time.

Don't rely on the idea that a partner will bring you happiness and a perfect life.(which is probably a reason why you are so keen to be in a relationship) Develop a life and interests that make you happy (and therefore more attractive) and you will find you feel less pressure when dating as you will not have the expectation that the person is going to" create a life" or that your life is on hold until then.

You will be fine, don't worry and keep looking !

Posted by: thelynathdiary at February 3, 2008 6:13 PM

Yea! Make sure all your girlfriends fly courtesy of Richard.

Give them a not so unsubtle trip down memory lane

ooops don't think he has bought advertising space on here

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 3, 2008 5:59 PM

Hi All, Just dipping my toes in the water. Find your comments wise and witty. What a great site for communicating! Enjoy this sunday

Posted by: kianee at February 3, 2008 5:50 PM

hi thelynathdiary, would you be referring to an airline name by any chance /

Posted by: virgil at February 3, 2008 5:47 PM

thanks Kaz. those words were Alianes own which she once sent to me...but I think they are a perfect description of Aliane and her wonderful funny smart and sometimes whimsical posts

Posted by: thelynathdiary at February 3, 2008 5:39 PM

greattimesdtocome ..lots of people are curious and lots want to check out the competition...but I can see a reason for the extra traffic for Virgil. Virgil is an unusual name in Oz so the eye and brain of readers are not used to it... but what is the word with similar spelling which if advertised on a dating website would attract men in droves????

Posted by: thelynathdiary at February 3, 2008 5:34 PM

I've only been doing this for a very short while, but I've already run across a couple of women who seem to get a bit...hasty if you don't reply to mails etc quickly, and that's before I've even met them! If you are busy and hardworking, sometimes it might be a good few days before you get a chance to sit down and write nice stuff - so chill all those who need daily updates!

Posted by: tor07 at February 3, 2008 5:28 PM

Are 'Particular Maladjusted's' lashing out at others again? Should be interesting reading later this eve...

Bye for now. Have a great night all...

GTTC

Posted by: greattimestocome at February 3, 2008 5:23 PM

VIRGIL at February 3, 2008 3:57 PM

Hi, yes it happens to me (other guys checking profile) but in my case I put it down to the gender neutrality of my profile name - I don't know how they would be confused byyour name..

GTTC

Posted by: greattimestocome at February 3, 2008 5:20 PM

Pixie Darling,

Insane my dear! Or just street smart

But before parting (oh isn’t parting so sweet) I had the presence of mind to plant down the bottom of her handbag (the part that women never ever reach in a million years) a tracking device that sends me a shrill warning signal whenever she gets within 50 kms. I can get a head start fleeing for the Border. And my passport is in order if I need to flee further afield.

Shame I couldn’t do something about that mobile she sits on incessantly. However I do believe she already has a new boyfriend who is getting THE TREATMENT.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 3, 2008 5:15 PM

thebeatles82 - you are no different from lots of us on here..i too have made the same mistake and not just once (maybe i am a slow learner)

I will try to be a little more "mysterious" in the feelings department. Although i have to say sometimes i feel that i have been led to believe it is reciprocated only to find out suddenly things are on hold cos their kids are having problems, or the budgie is sick??

Its good to see the blog is now back on track and no longer being held to ransom :)

Posted by: picklessister at February 3, 2008 5:05 PM

Thelynathdiary and wishfulthinker03, I thank you for your comments and suggestions.

This is all learning for me. It makes me cry to think that I did this by my own actions. Irreparable mistakes.

Posted by: thebeatles82 at February 3, 2008 5:00 PM

Well l know its Sunday Timewarp and just maybe my brain hadn't kicked quite into gear.....that happens to me some Sunday mornings and until l get a cup of tea into me my brain remains scrambled.

However l will be mindful of your sense of humor in future and try to accomodate it.

Thelynathdiary, you have given beatle the soundest advice possible.
Your comment to Aliane was gorgeous by the way....
Aliane..delightful lady, love to read your posts...................K

Posted by: auntykaz at February 3, 2008 4:59 PM

neuroticfish...yes! definitely insane!

Posted by: pixiemagic at February 3, 2008 4:58 PM

Pixie Sweetest,

It’s my Pee Aitch Dee Syndrome that causes it; bit like Achtung Aufmerksamkeits Defizit Störung.

My Syndrome kicked in badly over the last 10 days as the nächtlich habits of ageing males plays havoc with ability to engage either manual or automatic gears with rsvp women

“If you get up one more time to go to the loo;
Hoo roo
And take that bludy loo
When you shoot throo,
So basically I’m telling yooo
You’re throo.”

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 3, 2008 4:50 PM

neuroticfish...it does take intelligence to even climb Mount Molehill!!...why dont you speak in layman terms so people can understand you?

Posted by: pixiemagic at February 3, 2008 4:22 PM

ahhh yes that was the term thanks thenyathdiary

Posted by: virgil at February 3, 2008 4:19 PM

Lurking? that is a blog or forum term for people who read but don't write much, if at all.

Posted by: thelynathdiary at February 3, 2008 4:16 PM

From my time in MiRC about 10 years ago, I noticed, as did we all that many people used to sit in the channel never speaking. I think it was called ghosting but i'm not sure

Posted by: virgil at February 3, 2008 4:13 PM

Yes, Virgil, it happens a lot.

Blog publicity can be a two edged sword if they don't like what you have to say!

Posted by: thelynathdiary at February 3, 2008 4:06 PM

Come come now Pixie dearest.

You know very well I have such admiration for someone who has climbed the Himalayas, that I once kissed you, but, if I remember rightly, I think you told me to get lost. After all I have only climbed Mount Jerusalem and didn’t even return with a decent set of stone tablets suitably inscribed for all the plebs who blog so ferociously and take it all sooooooo seriously.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 3, 2008 4:02 PM

Neurotic fish , I do have a soft spot for you ; if only I knew which "you is you" so.. to speak.
You do keep us amused, your last post is hilarious.

Santa outfit disappearing today it reminds me of my cat Kevin who appeared wth me on RSVP in a double act wearing his own santa outfit last year. Kevin died on Wednesday ..he was a great and irreplaceable friend.

Posted by: thelynathdiary at February 3, 2008 3:57 PM

I was just wondering, has anyone else noticed many people of the same sex, in my case, other guys looking at their profile after the started coomenting in this forum?

Posted by: virgil at February 3, 2008 3:57 PM

neuroticfish...you are insane and have the non-intelligence I was talking about!

Posted by: pixiemagic at February 3, 2008 3:51 PM

Pixie,

Decoratrix had the decency to exchange emails with me at some point long ago, so at least we know each other names’ and are capable of saying hello if we ever pass on the hippie circuit. Not everyone who currently explores a “relationship” is thereby permanently crippled from re-entering the dating scene or the blog bog. In fact a few women have had more rsvp “relationships” than they have had hot meals.

And Female Persuasion does have a gripe, and gripes grow and turn into whine, and have to be wooded, which is why she can relate to Wood and Whine, and has to be drunk slowly.

Nothing is stopping you Pixie Dear from expanding your circle of friends, nutcases, eccentrics, and assorted lunes by emailing a few people on rsvp.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 3, 2008 3:48 PM

Aliane,

Do you remember this:

"...Senses of Magical Interpretation"

well I think it describes you.

Posted by: thelynathdiary at February 3, 2008 3:45 PM

I should add, Aliane, before you actually believe all this diatribe, that Slimey put something in her last email that she would not have gained from our immediate correspondence (oh we do trip up don’t we sweetie!!), and that I have just spent 10 days and (unfortunately) nights, with someone who on 2 occasions broke out in song with NeuroticFish’s hit single “They’re Coming To Take Me Away” but we’re only friends. Mind you even that reduced status might need urgent revision if she gets to read the last few blog contributions. LOL (see gotta LOL with the best)

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 3, 2008 3:40 PM

Aliane...best advice is to get off the blogs!!...there are too many cripples in here that get off on other peoples pain!...these are the "blogger bullies" who have no real intelligence or life to speak of. Good luck with other alternatives!.

Posted by: pixiemagic at February 3, 2008 3:39 PM

beatles82..you would be most familiar with the following lyrics "..why she had to go I don't know- she wouldn't say. I said something wrong now I long for yesterday ay ay ay...."

The thing is you DO know what you are doing/saying wrong but you choose to continue with the behaviour with the same outcome.
You know you are too intense initially
You know this is scarey.
You know this sends people running away.
My questions to you
Why can't you show some self control and keep things light and quiet initially?
Are you confusing a young mans sex crazed view of the world with other emotions? Lust is Lust ,not 'love' or even 'like" in the sense of knowing a person.
Communication is key to a good relationship but so is appropriate behaviour and timing.

If you feel a connection then that is great, but start to show that in appropriate ways - gradually. Always keep in mind that there are two people in the relationship or potential relationship so it is not just your feelings that matter. There is a difference between being emotionally closed and normal circumspect behaviour when getting to know a new person.
Most women will be flattered knowing a man is interested in them, but they will run a mile if they feel smothered or obligated especially in the inital phase.
Instead of declaring undying love or whatever it is you do, just say I had a lot of fun and enjoyed your company and would love to see you
again. Don't try to monopolise every minute of their time from then on.
Go onto tingle.com and try out their emotional intelligence tests. You might not be good at interpreting signals or body language from others.

The time for the wonderful heart on sleeve honesty and romance is a bit further into a relationship than the first couple of dates.

Posted by: thelynathdiary at February 3, 2008 3:38 PM

Aliane, I am NOT Slimey.

Slimey’s last email to me, before blocking me, makes that quite plain:

If this doesn’t convince you that I am NOT Slimey, what will.

“…you hang around music festivals where there are plenty of loose moralled purple haired and pierced sluts… and you going to festivals and flirting with youing girls!,.. you most likely would be a weak man who needs someone to organise him.(I've met men like you before..especially ones that like to me married to nurses, as they are caring types, and they can make these women feel sorry for them when it suits them so they won't kick them out)...I bet you turn on the tears when it suits you… Weak men are more attatched to the children that the woman , as really these men are "the woman" in the relationship... (i've met female men like this before)..and can't bear to be parted from the children.

But these bossy women, often get sick of these sort of men, once the children have grown up..and want to get a more masculine man! (while the children were little they needed the "fem man" to mind the kids..(ie; when they are on shiftwork)..but once the kids can take care of them selves, they either leave them totally to be alone, (as they never needed man anyway except for sperm),,,or they find another male to boss around.
So obviously ten years ago was when she decided that you had served your purposes and didnt feel the need to please you on ocassion anymore by having sex with you.. (She was probably faking it for years!...LOL!! She probably has a battery operated machine now which she prefers to you.LOL!!)
I have met oodles of these "fem men" dumped by their wives, at singles groups..and years and years after they have been dumped they are STILL crying into their beer, and can't get over it! They even live in hope that they might dump the new man they are bossing and take them back... ...(I don't bother going to singles groups anymore as they full of these unmasculine losers, which i have NO attraction to whatsoever!)
but I unlike society know that some men DESIRE a strong woman to boss them, as if makes them feel safer… You should do some courses, do some counselling to remove this neediness in YOU>I have never been wrong yet!!)

Just thank your lucky stars that you got so much free advice from me. !!!!

I am tough, but I am direct! If you are smart you will listen to what I say., and DO IT!!! (as I will not be advising you again)

From "Somelifeinmeyet"

P.S> Next time, I will make sure I only talk to people on R>S.V>P. email for a month.. NO giving out of my hotmail address!... I have learnt now why you just talk on R.S>V.P./!!!!"

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 3, 2008 3:26 PM

ALIANE

We value your intelligent and often funny posts. I specially liked yours @ 9.10 this morning.

Just one piece of advice: sometimes fish go fishing for humans. Bait fish's own fishhook with something that humans might snap at. And wave fish's fishing rod up in the air, where the humans are.

Don't bite. Bring your own lunch to the riverbank, so you're not hungry to bite on fish's baited hook.

Then you can enjoy riverbank picnic all day, and not get dragged into the water. Have fun in the sun, not get wet and catch 'flu.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 3, 2008 3:22 PM

KAZ and WILLOW @ 9.14-10.13am:

Well done Willow! You got it in two.

It WAS dawn, and I WAS stirring.

But it wasn't Morning Glory - that's after you sleep. I had Morning Telemarketer instead. Less impressive, and got me up after 6 hours' sleep, not 7 as I had instructed my alarm clock.

Yes Willow - I am often tempted by my great enjoyment of nearly everything that I do, to delay sleep till I fall in a heap, but have enough self-discipline (and/or have already fallen in a heap enough times for several lifetimes) to make sure that I log my sleeping hours, and use that to get a minimum of 50 a week, spread over at least 13 nights a fortnight.

And Kaz: Please forgive me for stirring you so early in the morning, before your reality-checker had warmed up and clocked on.

I'm really looking forward to meeting you too, next weekend, and in the meantime I'm busy practicing lightening up, on both blogs, in the hope of not boring you in person.

But now I have to go see a customer while he's home from work, and get my Melbourne backpackers motel money off him. Seeyezall.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 3, 2008 3:05 PM

Aliane,

You poor thing.

You didn’t have to block me. You kissed me so I kissed you back. What did you want. A hug as well?

That makes 3 sweeties. BridgetJonesDiary, she with the santa outfit, and No Life In Me Yet (save for her work with a very sharp skillet on Iron Chef)- and all I did was send her a love song, my hit record “They’re Coming To Take Me Away”

C’mon girls, you don’t have to do this to me. I’m a Victim, like everyone else. Well at least I am trying to capitalise on my new found victim status, after my last episode, but no-one seems to believe me.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 3, 2008 1:20 PM

thebeatles82 - in my experience openess and honesty are unfortunately not the norm. That isn't to say that people who don't behave in that manner are necessarily deceiving you. As you say, it's a survival mechanism and if you are being completely open and speaking your mind with regard to your feelings then some people could find that a bit confronting.

Personally, I hate game playing and for some they don't know how to cope any other way, which can get frustrating.

The reasons for why they behave the way they do are wide and varied, but essentially you need to be with someone who accepts you as you are. So don't feel that you should change yourself, mabye just a minor tweak as to when and how you present your thoughts and feelings would do it?

Hard to say without knowing specifics and I wouldn't invite you to "tell all" in a public forum, but try not to get too disheartened about it.

There are some genuine people out there it just takes some time and sifting :)

Posted by: dharma61 at February 3, 2008 1:12 PM

Beatles82, just how soon do you feel the connection and how do you approach the subject with the lucky lady? If the connection thing appears very early in the "meeting" they may misinterpret it. Perhaps you should keep that part of your feelings to yourself until you gauge just what page she is on. Not everyone is playing games, some just move at a little slower pace. Hang in there!

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at February 3, 2008 1:12 PM

I thought that the key to any relationship was honesty, communication and openness. I exuberate these traits.

My problem is that the moment I feel a connection I make it known, and that immediately triggers the downfall of the relationship. Usually because it either makes the other person uncomfortable or because they just aren't on the same page...

I wear my heart on my sleeve and am yet to NOT get hurt. I don't know how to control my emotions and I can't tell myself how to feel about others. I say what I feel is right and it's always detrimental.

I am beginning to doubt my approach... Is everyone so emotionally closed and playing charades as a self defence mechanism?

Posted by: thebeatles82 at February 3, 2008 12:31 PM

Seems to be an echo in here

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at February 3, 2008 12:13 PM

wishful - looks like we might need to buy a box of those salad forks !!

Posted by: jenjen57 at February 3, 2008 12:04 PM

TwinSign,

When disillusioned with internet dating, always have recourse to lines from movies.

The movie, Predator, will do (well it is rsvp):

Poncho: You're hit! You're bleedin', man!
Blaine: I ain't got time to bleed. (ie. Pick yourself up and get back online)

Dillon [ready to dive out of a helicopter]: You don't know how much I missed this, Dutch!
Dutch: You never were that smart. (ie getsmart about internet dating)

Poncho: Get that stinking sh*t out of my face!
Blaine: You're all a bunch of slack jawed faggots! This stuff will make you a sexual Tyrannosaurus. Just like me! (self explanatory)

Dutch: If it bleeds, we can kill it. (“a friend in need is a friend indeed; a friend who bleeds is better; my friend confessed she passed the test, and now she’s even weta:” Placebo off their CD “Random Thoughts”

Dillon: (to Dutch) Well, what are you gonna try next, cheese? (read: who ya gunna try next)

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 3, 2008 12:04 PM

JenJen - i know which part of my ex's anatomy i would have stuck that salad fork in too :)

Posted by: picklessister at February 3, 2008 11:57 AM

And yes Jen - I am sure the Twisted Sisters are all very lovely :)

Posted by: stoic at February 3, 2008 11:56 AM

You misunderstand me wishful. When I used the phrase "life has a habit of getting in the way" I was using "life" to mean the actual biological functions required to keep on living, ie finding nutrition, earning money to pay for shelter etc - all those things that stop you having the sort of "life" you are referring to - which I assume means having fun and doing the things we love.

Unfortunately I can't help you in that but when I find one I will let you know :)

Posted by: stoic at February 3, 2008 11:54 AM

PS , Kaz - havent met anyone here, that I know of anyway, that was separated and still living in the same house, but did meet someone in that domestic situation on Lavalife.
Wish he had been more upfront and honest. Not the slightest bit interested in anyone living like that.
I understand some may do it for financial reasons, or so that both can still be there for any children, but I dont see how it can work if there are new partners for one or both.
How to juggle the sleepover thing for one thing. Hmmmmm.........
And if they are still happy to live together I would just wonder about truly emotionally separated they are.
If I had to live under the same roof as my ex I would have stuck him with wishfuls salad fork by now :)

Posted by: jenjen57 at February 3, 2008 11:48 AM

first time blog... hi everyone! have read everyone's comments from time to time and often brings a smile to my face. Everyone has their own motive for being on here and I for one dont know how to develop the tough exterior that doesn't get dinted by some men's motives (notice I didn't say all!!) I think there are some genuine people out there, it is just a matter of finding them. Internet dating is not the answer for me, yet I log in and read blogs mostly, do the occasional search. I enjoy reading people's profiles. I am a member of another site and whilst it was fun for awhile, I read the forums. An idea for RSVP could be for the bloggers to choose their own topics at times. That site and you may know of which one I mean has a women and men only section, where obviously the people of that gender can log in and make comments, questions etc to the 'girls' or 'guys' It is also moderated to prevent personal assasinations, however relatively open to all sorts of topics.

Can anyone tell me where January went?

My comment for dating is dont let the emails, chats and calls go on too long. Meet and see if anything there. Be cautious of serial daters!!

Posted by: sweetandloyal1 at February 3, 2008 11:48 AM

first time blog... hi everyone! have read everyone's comments from time to time and often brings a smile to my face. Everyone has their own motive for being on here and I for one dont know how to develop the tough exterior that doesn't get dinted by some men's motives (notice I didn't say all!!) I think there are some genuine people out there, it is just a matter of finding them. Internet dating is not the answer for me, yet I log in and read blogs mostly, do the occasional search. I enjoy reading people's profiles. I am a member of another site and whilst it was fun for awhile, I read the forums. An idea for RSVP could be for the bloggers to choose their own topics at times. That site and you may know of which one I mean has a women and men only section, where obviously the people of that gender can log in and make comments, questions etc to the 'girls' or 'guys' It is also moderated to prevent personal assasinations, however relatively open to all sorts of topics.

Can anyone tell me where January went?

My comment for dating is dont let the emails, chats and calls go on too long. Meet and see if anything there. Be cautious of serial daters!!

Posted by: sweetandloyal1 at February 3, 2008 11:48 AM

Stoic...you have a life?? What life? And just where did you get it? Are there any spares? Can I have one too?

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at February 3, 2008 11:45 AM

Kaz - I have had that a number of times too..."oh i havent actually moved out yet"...and a couple that were still in the same bedroom (what the??). They all said seperated on their profiles.

One guy that said he was living in a different part of the house, well his "ex" some how got my phone number and i was bombarded with disgusting texts from her and the 18yo daughter for a few weeks..the hassle wasnt worth the cup of coffee..you live and learn ay :)

jb - this is just like another summers day in NZ :)

Posted by: picklessister at February 3, 2008 11:33 AM

Yeah it has been awhile kaz, but life has a habit of getting in the way of things :)

Posted by: stoic at February 3, 2008 11:28 AM

picklesister I agree that men are the same. I don't have "have no stamps" on my profile, and if I have arranged to meet, I will be there, sniffles or not :) Have a great day, it's a fantastic one for ducks!!

Posted by: jb26262 at February 3, 2008 11:08 AM

Twinsign, online dating isn't much different from any other type. You may meet a girl/guy at a local bar or whatever, swap numbers with him promising to call you soon and soon never comes. Perhaps she had no intention of meeting him again, was just enjoying the attention while it lasted, same can be said here. Some will lead you along nicely via email and/or phone but really dont want to go out and meet you - they get cold feet or whatever. Happens to both sexes I'm sure.

"Snakes" don't only lurk online twinsigns, they are in all walks of life - just hang in there and bounce back - keep at it long enough and you'll develop the skin of a "rhino" and nothing much will faze you :) There are some decent people out there!

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at February 3, 2008 10:39 AM

twinsign - mate, I've had almost exactly the same thing happen and I know it's hard but you have to get on with life. Yes, some people come on here having already decided that they don't actually want a relationship (because of past issues) and you can fall for them only to be disappointed but keep trying ... you did it once, you can do it again. Good luck.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 3, 2008 10:20 AM

Nah no bites Willow..it is Sunday morning after all and l'm in too good mood as well as being in a considerate frame of mind today....
Anyway back to the topic for that is the prudent thing to do.

I once went on a coffee date with a guy who as far as l am aware is still active on RSVP....
Met him in a local cafe / bar sat down, chatted etc etc.
It turned out that he still lived with his wife and children albeit sleeping in separate rooms.
There were major hangups in regard to this situation as you can imagine and combined with a very nasty property settlement getting underway it all sent my ears pricking up bigtime.

This guys profile had stated he was single, looking for miss right, no hang ups blah blah.

what l don't get is this.
Why oh why misrepresent yourself like this??

If he has these major dramas in life well that is a sad and unfortunate consequence of separation, but geez get your head straight before even attempting to get back out there.
and neurofish, l agree,,,scope out an exit.....wish l had that day............K

Posted by: auntykaz at February 3, 2008 10:13 AM

Kaz, me thinks timewarp knew exacty what we were saying, I detect a carrot dangling in the air and a little smile on his face.

Any bites?

Posted by: willow1059 at February 3, 2008 9:46 AM

Errrrr. timewarp did l miss something?
l think l complimented your writing style and then said l was looking forward to meeting you next week.

Thanks Willow for coming to my evidently needful defence, chivalry not being dead after all..
And as for berating....l can fire up at times so you never know..
But come closer and l will let you in on a secret......call me Kaz....my neices and nephews don't call me aunty any more.....

And stoic it is good to see your name at the end of a post...its been a while hasn't it??..........K

Posted by: auntykaz at February 3, 2008 9:36 AM

timewarp 4:49AM I am afraid ripping anything to shreds apart from what goes in the bin is not my style.

So you will need to sulk yourself to sleep at 4:49AM or any other time in fact. Do you know what a bed is?

I suspect Aunty K will also be far too considerate to berate you for these things that run amiss in your mind.

After you have completed your sulk induced sleep or is it coma, perhaps you could consider writing a book about the Top 100 danger signs for males who cyber date. The sequal can be the Top 100 for woman, will you need a female co-writer?

Somehow I smell a best seller/s.

Posted by: willow1059 at February 3, 2008 9:14 AM

Can I just say, or rather re-iterate, always know where the exit door is on dates, or at least have an Exit Strategy handy.

George Bush doesn’t and look where he is.

I didn’t and look at the trauma I have just suffered.

I was let off at the next port of call after first being accused of stalking the focuscle then thrown in the brig, all over this mad woman.

Now I have to book myself into a psychiatrist to analyse what went wrong, because it was all my fault. It wasn’t a first date but I ignored all the signs.

Yes. These women are out there in rsvp land, like black widow spiders spinning their web and luring males into their traps.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 3, 2008 6:01 AM

AUNTY K and WILLOW, between midnight and 2am:

Now you're making me feel bad, just telling me to take my stuff away and sell it.

At least you could have helped me a bit by ripping it to shreds first, as people do for FP and PixieMagic, when they offer us their ideas for comment at final draft stage.

I think I'm going to go to bed straight away now, with the sulks.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 3, 2008 4:49 AM

JENJEN @ 2.21

My mum said that civilisation is the bye-product of most of the people being nicer to other people than they have to be. And I try to do my bit.

The generations of Anglo women ahead of you in age were societally and culturally conditioned to be co-dependent. To hope he'd notice them just being there (seen but not heard, like children) and make a move in their direction.

A woman who made any kind of overt overture to a man was branded a shameless hussy. A whisker short of a slut - they did it more than once, if it didn't wotk the first time - serial hussies!

According to my paternal grandmother, a hussy could also be a woman who washed up the cups and plates, and did not then re-heat the washup water on the stove, before doing the pots.

Home-made dripping-and-caustic-soda soap was hell on hands before rubber gloves, but pretty useless at dissolving grease. I still thoroughly wipe a warm frypan out with paper before I try to wash it up.

All a girl could do who wanted to be at all pro-active was to drop her hankie in front of a bloke as he walked past.

On the other hand, my maternal grandmother was a total hussy, in spite of her strict protestant upbringing.

After her sister married one of the Cribb brothers, and then her other sister married his brother, she said to that sister "Tell your husband to tell his unmarried (third) brother that he can call on me, if he likes." And he did. Mum said she had a miserable time in her teens - lots of parties, but everyone there was cousins.

The heroine of my post @ 12.09am below is in her mid-70s, and nearly 10 years older than my last-week "life-of-the-party" date (or so her profile said). She emailed me her phone number "because I'd never phone a man to arrange a date."

Both of them wanted the date, but not to be seen as a hussy.

To women from back there then, sending an email "kiss" to a man was definitely suss - like wrapping a big pebble in your hanky, and throwing it at him when he wasn't even looking your way, let alone walking past your park seat because he liked the look of you, but was too shy to chat you up, till your dropped hankie gave him a both a sign and a licence.

So she had gone out on a long limb to send me the kiss. Against the values she was brought up with.

As a determined feminist, I believe she needed a big cheer for performing that pro-active act, and taking the risk of being thought a hussy for doing so.

On second thoughts, forget that cheer, Bill. Think of Maslow and Skinner and give her a tangible reward! Yes Bill - the very reward she'd choose for herself - a date with moi!

Elementary, dear JenJen! Once you've put yourself in the other person's shoes.

I've sent a hundred kisses to carefully-selected RSVP women who then didn't even have the manners to take a couple of mouse clicks to reply "No way Jose - get lost, you undesirable male!" (The actual RSVP words are much more couth, but that's their gist.)

And in the late 90s, over 200 of my 300-odd individually-worded replies to women's Ads in the newspaper had had the same result: into the rubbish bin without a word of reply

Someone has to be working on making Brisvegas more civilised, rather than less! I thought of what my mum used to say, and I remembered my Ex. saying (a couple of years before she was even my fiance): "Enter Sir William on his Hillman charger - mainly red, but at least the roof is white."

And I remembered that I expect at least 95% of my first dates not to lead to second ones anyway - so why not?

And she was interesting - while she kept talking about herself.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 3, 2008 4:17 AM

Twisted sisters stoic ?
No need to beware..........they are all very motherly :)

Posted by: jenjen57 at February 3, 2008 3:08 AM

Bloggers beware, the Twisted Sisters are here :)

Posted by: stoic at February 3, 2008 2:58 AM

Greetings bloggers, here's a cautionary tale told to me last week, concerning a friend of a friend and the Dangerous Dating Mistake that cost her plenty.

Girl meets guy via dating site. The emails and first coffee meeting pass satisfactorily. Then he invites her to spend a weekend at a fancy hotel in a popular tourist spot, his treat. She accepts.

"Best if we go in separate cars. Meet me there," he says, "so you can leave if you're not comfortable." So she meets him there. They see the sights, go on some guided tours, eat and drink fabulously and spend a night of passion in 5-star luxury. Next morning when she awakes, he's not in the bed, he's not in the bathroom, he's not in the hall.

She figures he's gone for a morning stroll, so she has breakfast. She waits a while longer, he still doesn't show so she has a look round the hotel and the grounds. No him. She inquires at the front desk, and discovers not only has he left the building but he's left her a little surprise. He's made the booking in her name and all the tours, meals and drinks have been charged to the room. She now owes the hotel nearly $2,000. Which she doesn't have.

Luckily, she does have a father and he has a credit card, so a phone call to dad sorts out the bill, if not the mortification, embarrassment and burning shame of being well and truly (and very publicly) had.

Home again, after a suitable period of weeping and gnashing of teeth she emails the guy demanding an explanation. She doesn't expect him to reply, but he does. "I wanted a good time" he wrote. "You weren't any good, so I left."

Ouch. Moral of the story - well there are several, and I'm sure you can figure them out for yourselves. My friend's friend has retired from the field till the scars fade.

Posted by: survivalofthehippest at February 3, 2008 2:45 AM

Sorry wishful ............I just couldnt resist !!

Posted by: jenjen57 at February 3, 2008 2:43 AM

It's always nice to see new bloggers making an appearance, even better when they are not reincarnated old bloggers!

Twisted sister Jenjen??? hehehe too funny :)

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at February 3, 2008 2:36 AM

Willow ........lots of newbies on the blogs this week.......and not a twisted sister amongst them :)

Posted by: jenjen57 at February 3, 2008 2:23 AM

Timewarp - another interesting post - but why is it chivalrous to invite an email from someone you know you will probably not be interested in because they are 10 years older than your top limit ?

Posted by: jenjen57 at February 3, 2008 2:21 AM

After the sillyness of earlier in the week its nice to read tonights blogs.

Aunty, I agree timewarp should be using his talents elsewhere for greater reward.

It is also great to see some new names, well they are new to me.

Posted by: willow1059 at February 3, 2008 2:00 AM

Timewarp, yet another entertaining post......you really should be writing for the mags you know.
Looking forward to meeting you next week down here in beeyyootiful Melbourne..........K

Posted by: auntykaz at February 3, 2008 12:19 AM

I feel it is important to be true to ourselves in dates, as with in every other aspect of life. I'm sure we have all met people we thought we have nothing in common with this person, how did this get past a couple of phone chats and some emails?

I suspect some people are not quite as truthful as one might reasonably expect .......the concept of a reasonable person the basis of law.

Being true to ones self means we walk away from a boring first date with our head held high, and if it was really bad, and not our fault, we can always treat ourselve to a new CD

Posted by: virgil at February 3, 2008 12:09 AM

Hi all

Been in the 2 athletic kissers' blog today. Nice to see some younger protagonists illustrated, after the last 2 couples - they looked older than me even.

Some good stuff in that blog, especially a new bloke from Brisbane eloquently telling us what we're all doing wrong on RSVP, and PixieM and WnW telling me specifically what I'm doing wrong in my approach. Should all have been in this blog, I think, to match the red traffic light.

I'm starting to have trouble concentrating on my postings tonight. Bought my Bris-Melb air tickets to go down on Fri 8 by midday, and back at 7pm on Wed night 13th, and my mind is filling with plans and excitement. But I'll try.

My biggest mistake, other than being late, which I already 'fessed to at the start of this blog?

A woman about 10 years above my advertised top age limit sent me a kiss a year ago. A few years older than I was, and looked ten years older than me.

Invited her email of course - unchivalrous not to, when a woman that age drops her hankie in front of a feller's path.

Hot, humid breezeless January Brisbane day. We met for an inexpensive Saturday salad lunch at an informal outdoor riverbank cafe without proper tables or a roof - just benches to sit on and coffee tables, which came into the shade of the building, once the sun passed the zenith. Just before we met.

During our couple of hours eating and chatting together, she told me how very disappointed she was with what I had chosen to wear to our date.

My $80 short-sleeved shirt was a part of my standard summer uniform, 7 days a week - traditional bushie 2-pocket design in a tiny check, and near-new. They are my main extravagance, and I have about 50 in my current size (XOS) and about 25 OS-size, to get back into, next summer. (Including some long-sleeved, for the colder winter days.)

Traditional Queensland executive-cut business shorts, not knee-cancer-preventing longer (but very casual) boardies or cargo shorts.

Footwear my standard summer pattern when not going onto a building site as a consultant - clean roman sandals. (In the other 3 seasons I change to calf-warming golf socks, and leather Oxford shoes which look enough like executive steelcaps to get me onto building sites.)

She said that a professional man needs to look the part at all times, and why wasn't I at this moment wearing at least long trousers and shoes, if not a coat?

I said that I wore longs about 5 to 10 days each winter, and to dance or go to the opera any time of year.

And I said that I shared with the scandinavians an uncompromising honesty that could sometimes border on bluntness, especially in self-disclosure. (I guess you'll relate to that, Trumanscat and wishful T 3.)

"What I wear is what is appropriate for the image that I wish to project. And that's of a widely-respected workhorse, not a look-at-me dilletante show-pony.

And I'm certainly not aspiring to be a Gucci handbag to complete any lady's outfit.

Before I have someone's brand showing on the outside of my clothes, they're signing a contract to pay me for endorsing their brand."

I went on in a softer tone to apologise for the unintended embarrassment that I had caused her, and the loss of status that I had risked her suffering, if anyone she knew had seen what a fashion reject she was dating. Including her seeing herself.

None of this pleased her, and she soon put the clips on her slacks, got on her needlessly-expensive bicycle and left me.

I'm afraid I am out of my metier when it comes to purposely spoiling my date's dating experience, especially when compared with the masterbastards described below, but at least that day I tried.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 3, 2008 12:09 AM

The worst thing I've done in the past (and I believe reason I'm still single) is spend to much time and effort thinking about and mourning the loss of someone who isn't currently and isn't ever going to be in my life. It really is a waste of time.
Posted by: caz1970 at February 2, 2008 11:24 PM

This is a really good point.Internet dating requires a very "thick skin" to survive it at times,and to keep your self-esteem intact and healthy.
When a date goes "wrong" it is important to not let the opinions/actions of a man who you have only just met make you feel bad about yourself.We are often not privy to knowing why someone behaves the way they do.
Move on from that, and find someone who is worthy of your time,makes you feel good, and wants to be with you.

Posted by: graceandcharm at February 2, 2008 11:55 PM

Ah Bob the voice of reason....K

Posted by: auntykaz at February 2, 2008 11:30 PM

The biggest mistake is being yourself. Yes we all put on a front when trying to impress, but it isn't the real 'us'. Guess believing that being honest -not spilling your guts- is a good thing is sometimes worth holding back from.

Perhaps getting too attached via chat msn etc before meeting; it's harder to say no i think without being hurtful.

It's harder of you don't know how the 'game' works. You make a good impression and perhaps just want that reassurance you did a good job so to speak so eventually you get accused of being too keen-well......

Posted by: thecannulator at February 2, 2008 11:29 PM

Hi All,

As a postscript to my previous post can I just say that being true to yourself also requires you to look at your own actions when dating....it is easy to say it was the other persons fault. We are not all the same and something that may not offend some may well offend or frighten off others (ie was I too earnest, did I come over as clingy, did I swear inadvertantly...the list goes on). If you can honestly say that you felt you did everything right, then its their loss, not yours.

Finally, there are users out there, as there are in the real world, you just have to work out who they are and unfortunately, getting burned sometimes is the harsh lesson of reality from which we learn...hopefully

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at February 2, 2008 11:26 PM

twinsign, I never post comments either. But my heart went out to you when I read yours. I think I feel very much like you tonight.

I just keep telling myself that somebody else's erratic or unfair or misleading behaviour is not a reflection upon me and reminding myself that I will feel better soon.

The worst thing I've done in the past (and I believe reason I'm still single) is spend to much time and effort thinking about and mourning the loss of someone who isn't currently and isn't ever going to be in my life. It really is a waste of time.

The right person for you will be equally keen and excited about the next date as you are.

Good luck :-)

Posted by: caz1970 at February 2, 2008 11:24 PM

wnw the song is "I did it my way" By Frank Sinatra I believe.....jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at February 2, 2008 11:17 PM

Hi All,

Let me just say that the opinions of others about what you can and cant do on RSVP (and the blogs) mean nothing.....they are their opinions....your own opinions are what count, no-one elses. If you want to make friends only or meet new people, that is your right.

Dating is not easy, people will always paint themselves in the best light (human nature); all you can do is be true to yourself. I think if you go into dating without expecting disappointment, you are fooling yourself and, though none of us like to have to be cautious, it is advisable not to get our expecations up too high until we actually get to know the person we are dating...and that can take a while.

Chins up all, its not all bad, though it can be frustrating. Respect yourself above all and things will not seem so bad.

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at February 2, 2008 11:14 PM

I hear you origami.

Posted by: archerrising at February 2, 2008 10:50 PM

You organise a to meet someone for the purpose of getting to know them. Not have sex with them. You meet, with the expectations that will converse, listen, laugh, maintain eye contact, express your interest ie, talking to each other, not being spoken at, or down to, as if you are way below the sexy bimbo standards the guy has set himself.

I read the pessimism and aggression in the words of regular bloggers and I can see why, after just a few short weeks of rsvp dating. There are just too many people who use the site for the wrong reasons, namely playing games, or outlet for their anxieties and frustrations.

I joined rsvp to meet new people, as I have recently moved and know almost no-one in my new area.

Then I see one regular blogger telling us that we are not allowed to meet new people and make friends.

While I think about my profile and changes I need to make in the hope of meeting like minded people in my area, I am also looking into other avenues to meet people. Speed Dating. Parents Without Partners. The school P&C. A sewing club. At least I can have immediate, personal interactions with these people and get to know them and form friendships at my own liesure, without the pressure of meeting up to someone else's over-rated and over-inflated ideal partner criteria.

Posted by: origami1107 at February 2, 2008 10:39 PM

twinsign, many as similar story can be seen here. Do not give up, give yourself time to learn the rules of on-line dating. Will you find love on date 2, 22 or 222 who will know.

As has already been said, you need to be in the game to win. Do you really want to deal yourself out?

Posted by: willow1059 at February 2, 2008 10:17 PM

On the subject of first date mistakes may I offer the following from Willows Dictionary of 64,000 Inglish words.

From the recent posts here and in other topics it would appear first date sex or the attempt for many men to get this is a problem.

Ladies, perhaps you can offer Willows alternate meaning to the standard dictionary meaning. Then you shall see how interested in you, is he.

Coitus, pron Coy-t-us
A complex ritual requiring many years of practice and adult consent. Observed mainly in cultures with a long history spanning centuries of unbridled love. The art of woman appearing embarrassed by unsolicited attention “Coy”, by a man or men “To Us”.

Perhaps a brief flutter of your eyelashes, a slight pout of you lips, a sideways glance and rosy cheeks may serve to maintain interest from he with genuine intent.

Posted by: willow1059 at February 2, 2008 10:11 PM

Quoted from woodnwine: Mistakes = experience (if we learn from them).
True.

Well, I am fairly new here (first post) and will probably be gone soon. Internet dating for me has resulted in a broken heart. Met this great girl online, emails, phone calls, met in person and then got an answer today (to a question) that was less than favourable.

Why do people not turn up? Why do people change their minds so quickly? Is it so easy for them? Why so many games? Why do people come here if they are possibly in a depression and have not gotten over their last partner?

I thought everything went well, why else would she have said all the things she said. Why ask to me call her and text her? Why would she have text?d me back? Honesty, apparently was my downfall.

Truly I would have raised this girl up above myself, believing she was for me. I feel like the biggest loser of all time, had even bought her something for Valentines and ordered something to be delivered to her work on Valentines day.

Feel like I want to bury myself.

Good luck everyone, watch out for snakes (they can be both genders). Thought I could read people well, reading lies to my face is something yet to be mastered. Well, I got an answer to my overall question; internet dating is not for me.

Posted by: twinsign at February 2, 2008 10:01 PM

nina, I think most would be out enjoying the beautiful warm nights on the north eastern part of our continent.

Posted by: willow1059 at February 2, 2008 9:39 PM

origami, WnW and pickle say it nicely.

Also Jaspercat 8:43PM "I still am looking for that perfect man but the saying goes - you have to be in it to win it. You will attract the wrong kind of man but also you might attract the perfect man. Keep in there."

This is as certain as night follows day, you will attract good and bad as in general daily living.

I suspect jaspercat was trying to say you might attract the man just for you, not necessarily perfect but perfect in your eyes with his faults and all.

Posted by: willow1059 at February 2, 2008 9:36 PM

OK, off to dinner and a movie ... have a good night everyone.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 2, 2008 9:33 PM

"Mistakes? I've made a few, but then again too few to mention." What is that song? Hope it's not a crappy one ...

Posted by: woodnwine at February 2, 2008 9:32 PM

Mistakes = experience (if we learn from them).

Posted by: woodnwine at February 2, 2008 9:31 PM

I'm still recovering from the last dinner, Willow. However a little glass of wine and some nibbly bits would be nice. Where are the rest of the usual suspects?

Posted by: ninaschen at February 2, 2008 9:06 PM

Ditto to jaspercat and woodnwine...oragami dont hide!!!

Just be more discerning..i still get it wrong but you gotta be in to win..just dust yourself off and say i am one hot mama that is beautiful inside and out..i am now one step closer to finding the special one :)

Posted by: picklessister at February 2, 2008 9:06 PM

Origami - as jaspercat says, if your profile isn't up you will never attract the right person. Maybe re-write your profile to be more specific in what you are after in a potential partner?

Posted by: woodnwine at February 2, 2008 9:02 PM

Origami - dont hide your profile. Just because you met one loser dont give up. God I have been on this site for nearly two years and the stories I could tell you....but I have also met some really nice guys that I can call my friend and yes I still am looking for that perfect man but the saying goes - you have to be in it to win it. You will attract the wrong kind of man but also you might attract the perfect man. Keep in there.

Posted by: jaspercat at February 2, 2008 8:43 PM

Perhaps quite a few of these posts may be summed up by saying it is best to talk with your date not at them.

After all, it should be a meeting to see where commonality exists not an opportunity to forcefully put one's views.

There is a difference between discussion, persuasion or submission whether that be on a first date or in bloggsville.

Dinner at willows anyone?

Posted by: willow1059 at February 2, 2008 8:27 PM

I thought I was being totally naive and making dumb choices about the guys I met. I seem to be attracting the very wrong sort.

My first encounters over recent weeks have left me feeling very insecure, hurt and frustrated. I have scurried back into my shell and hidden my profile. As I keep attracting the wrong kind of person, it seems that I need to have a re-think and re-write my profile.

One encounter was more pre-occupied with his mobile, other women and the prices on the menu. This should not have mattered, as I tossed more than my share into the bill-fold at the end of the meal. He also informed me that he preferred women who dresssed more sexy. He also has a fettish for high heels and false fingernails.

If he had indulged this kind of information in communications before the lunch, then I would never have agreed to meet.

Posted by: origami1107 at February 2, 2008 8:22 PM

My "date" hasnt been a mistake .... as we have now been seeing each other for 4 - 5 weeks. What i would love to know is WHY i have lost friends over a very short period of time (these friends being males) and being over the period of time of this weekend, since them knowing im on a good wicket! Is it because they thought they had a foot in the door even when i gave them NO knowledge of being "in line" when i had no inclinations of them being a lover????? Why do we lose people when we have feelings for another? Or are they not really friends to begin with? =/

Posted by: tristah at February 2, 2008 7:43 PM

mystiemuse, must have missed your post due to being asleep. Coffee is a sensible idea for the first meeting that is true. Coffee and a walk is a good idea as some people like to walk and talk. IMHO.

Oh and if a person breaks a date but won't give the real reason, but uses something lame. Most times the other person knows its an excuse : ))

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at February 2, 2008 7:28 PM

Ahh jb26262 i hear you..but for the record the blokes do it too..and i cant tell you how many male profiles say "i am out of stamps please email"

And yes dont ask for an email if you dont want to respond...and dont arrange a date and then "postpone" it cos you are sick..some guys take sooooooo long to get over a little cold ;)

Posted by: picklessister at February 2, 2008 6:52 PM

"Experience" is simply the name we give to our "mistakes".I think each date you go on teaches you something about yourself,and what you are and are not looking for,and brings you that bit closer to finding someone who is right for you.

Posted by: graceandcharm at February 2, 2008 5:47 PM

That is true Paradisio,I too have 2 lovely children who I wouldn't take back for anything.....so thankyou Mr Housemate !

Posted by: graceandcharm at February 2, 2008 5:32 PM

Mistake number one....dating my flatmate.Mistake number two....marrying him !

Posted by: graceandcharm at February 2, 2008 11:55 AM
________________________
me too!
BUT i have 2 wonderful teens now that i wouldnt have missed out on for all the tea in China, so I am glad i married my hosuemate

Posted by: paradisio at February 2, 2008 5:23 PM

Nice one whatididforlove

Posted by: jb26262 at February 2, 2008 5:19 PM

I don't know about "dangerous mistakes", as we're all human and prone to making mistakes. For me it's if you learn from the mistakes you make that is important, if you don't, then, well, no further comment.
This isn't a mistake, then again it might be, is the waste of stamps on others who reply to your kiss, or send you one, then chat a little, talk on the phone, then decide not to meet after all!! What the hell is wrong with people???? I'm all for meeting for coffee and then taking it from there. If there's no spark, so be it. At least you have met soemone, had a good chat (hopefully), and either remain in touch or move on. The next lady that does this to me, I will politely ask for at least half the cost of the stamp, I only think that is fair. also, where are the ladies out there with stamps??? There, got it off my chest, better now...........thanks for the opportunity. Have a great day :)

Posted by: jb26262 at February 2, 2008 5:15 PM

The following exchange took place on craiglist the New York community message board:
"What am I doing wrong? "I am tired of beating around the bush. I am a beautiful(spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I am articulate and classy. I am not from New York. I am looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind a million a year is middle class in New York City so I don’t think I am overreaching at all. Are there any guys who make $500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a businessman who made around $200- $250K but that is where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won’t get me to Central Park West. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca. She is ot as pretty as I am nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? Here are my questions specifically:
Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants gyms.
What are you looking for in a mate? Is there an age range I should be targeting? Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the Upper East Side so plain? What’s the story there? Lawyers, Investment Bankers Doctors. How much do those guys really make? And where do the hedge fund guys hang out? How do you rich guys decide on marriage vs just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY.

An Investment Bankers response:

I qualify as a guy who fits your bill – I make more than $500k per year… Here’s how I see it: your offer is a plain and simple crappy business deal. What you suggest is a simple trade::: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine. Simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity – in fact, it is very likely that my income will increase, but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t be getting any more beautiful! So, in economic terms, you are a depreciating asset. In Wall Street terms we’d call you a trading position – not a buy and hold. It doesn’t make good business sense to ‘buy you’(which is what you are asking) so I’d rather lease. The deal that makes sense for me is dating not marriage

Posted by: whatididforlove at February 2, 2008 5:06 PM

I too ask the challenging questions at a first date, specially when I feel the person has taken for granted that my opinion is the same as hers on a subject, all over 50 think ......
and when I dont, I cant help but say so

Posted by: virgil at February 2, 2008 3:52 PM

Ok mystiemuse, hmmmmmm.......sorry, you were buried in yesterday !!
But you are right, just coffee is the way to go first up !!
You can stop sooking now :)

Posted by: jenjen57 at February 2, 2008 3:28 PM

Not me but a guy I gave a chance to and went on a date. He had been pestering me for a while so I thought why not you never know. The guy took me through the drive through of hungry jacks, then got a dvd and wanted to spend the night at my place, we hardly new each other. Why is it men some how think KFC, Macdonalds etc can be classed as a proper date. not all guys but i have had a few do this, I can guarantee you they do not get a second date.

Posted by: jazz1701 at February 2, 2008 3:06 PM

I am crushed, did no one think my coffee idea was worth even an hmmmmmm.......... I'll remember you guys over my next frothy endeavour...... *sook* *sook*

Posted by: mystiemuse at February 2, 2008 3:01 PM

Actually I don't think we've directly addressed the blog Q which is more to do with what WE do that is a mistake on the first date/meeting. (Apart from showing up of course..) I think in my case I can't put a lid on my brains showing (e.g. shooting down someone's pet theory by asking challenging questions) and that seems to be off-putting. Perhaps I am too serious and not flirty enough.But then, I don't like putting on a fake persona just to win someone (thinking about the 'art-house' fishnets...pretty funny story.)

Posted by: lamuse at February 2, 2008 2:56 PM

I have a few. One was a guy just out of a relationship who within about 20 minutes propositioned that we spend that afternoon in the sack (this was a first meeting, over coffee!) So I said no of course, and later he tried running the idea by me again with the same results. To my amusement, he emailed me saying that I didn't do it for him anyway...LOL

Posted by: lamuse at February 2, 2008 2:28 PM

whatididforlove I too have dated this type of guy, I was so angry by the end of it, the whole date last about 20 mins because he was so rude, sounds exactly like the guy u met.

Posted by: rowdy662 at February 2, 2008 1:38 PM

I agree with the person who wisley pointed out that it is not a "date". Let's face it, despite what has gone on in all the emails and phone calls, if you do not click in the first meeting, it is basically over.

I also agree that too much emails and calls set up a whole fantasy relationship and a very false sense of intimacy.

Have you ever sat across the table from someone and thought, "are you really the person I have been talking to ? Who the hell are you?

Posted by: xenabellabeauty at February 2, 2008 1:16 PM

wishful and whatididforlove - we must all have dated him or his twin !!
My date from hell showed up 20 minutes late with no phone call (I shouldnt have waited !!) and then took about 10 phone calls (work related) over the next 45 minutes or so.
Very bad manners.
I never heard from him again, much to my relief !!

Posted by: jenjen57 at February 2, 2008 1:01 PM

Great advice whatididforlove ... just be yourself.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 2, 2008 12:50 PM

18 months later.."I am woman hear me roar" aka "the night I scared a mild mannered man from out of town"

I was in contact with a 'very nice man' He was an intellectual type and his career was in education.
He said he liked serious Art House movies.
We agreed to meet at the Nova for a coffee and a movie.
Now the Nova in Carlton Melbourne is frequently by trendy types and intellectual types and arty types and students and is in the lively ,lovely inner city Carlton the heart of the Italian sector.
I go there often but actually live in an ordinary suburb.

A bright idea pops into my head.." I had better look the part of inner city trendy, arty sophisticated intellectual Art House movie attendee type..and try to look ten years younger too"

On the night of the date I arrive at the Nova.... I am feelin' fine.... I am wearing a grey skirt above the knee, my new fishnet and flower patterned stockings and my black ankle boots. On the top I had a trendy short coat and scarf and hat and my new siren red lipstick, a decent amount of eyeliner and a cloud of expensive perfume. My hair was suitably teased and I have a natural grey streak in the front providing extra dramatic effect. I felt very art housie..
I walk into the foyer of the Nova and see my date. He is wearing his sensible glasses some nice fawn 'slacks' , brown brogues, a beige shell jacket(the likes of which I have not seen since the 70's) and under his arm was a rolled up Age newspaper. I am not sure if he intended to use it to swat me if things turned bad...

The look of horror on his face was priceless....I began to realise that since he lived in 'the country' and only came to town occasionally he probably had not actual seen many Art House Movies at all and probably not even SBS! What I was wearing was so outrageous to him that he was embarrassed to be seen with me He steered me to the nearby fluroescent lit table (romance killer)and ordered two coffees. I could only imagine how my makeup looked in tthe harsh light. He kept his newspaper on the table creating a barrier at all times. The coffee came he gulped it down and at least did the polite thing of asking if I wanted to see a movie. The next one was not due for an hour ,so I decided to do the kind thing and set him free. Never heard from him again.....on the way home I could not stop laughing at my mistake. That person in the fishnets was not really me at all. A lesson learnt is never to try to be what you think the other person wants you to be....only be yourself. He had also presented himself as far more wordly and sophisticated than he was too.

Posted by: whatididforlove at February 2, 2008 12:38 PM

whatididforlove ... it is sad to hear such a horrible story. I guess you have learnt a lot from this but I usually find it best not to exchange lots of emails and phone calls before meeting because you build up false expectations. Use the first email or two to introduce yourselves and ask a couple of questions and the 2nd or 3rd to get his number. After one or maybe two phone conversations if they go well ask to meet.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 2, 2008 12:38 PM

Thanks for the welcome back WoodnWine, the bar part sounds nice, after 4 months down here I think I will be due for a drink. I will have access to my little galley also, so shall call, provided you're not booked up with prospective partners that week I'm sure we'll find time.

Turning up for the first meeting is never a mistake.
1. You get to meet many varied, interesting and different((?) read also strange) people.
2. You always haver fodder for amusing stories for your friends and work collegues.
3. It's a great opportunity to try out that new coffee shop/ bistro/ wine bar/etc.
4. You get to people watch while waiting or even when the conversation has paused, that is if you aren't engrossed in your 'dates' eyes.
The mistake is actually having a date or meeting a second time if the first meet has gone so appallingly.(? did i spell that right) Should always listen to our gut, and not put so much pressure on ourselves for this meeting to be with 'the one'. But rather enjoy the experience of meeting someone new.
Let me give you an example, in the emergency department you get to meet lots of different people everyday. You may for instance, meet a drug addict who needs their drug of choice but states they are trying to kick the habit, this person may be abusive and aggressive, but what you may chose to remember about meeting them is they had the cutest cheeks and beautiful skin and brown eyes the size of pools that I'm sure some guy would love to drown in.
Or you may meet the wife of a dying man who is still in love with him after 50 years and you get to witness the strength and vulnerability in her at the same time.
Now isn't it all perspective? and how you look at it?
Aren't we all human, don't we all deserve a little compassion occasionally.
My simple rule is meet them, think about it, if it didn't go well don't meet again, if it has prospects, even from a friendship perspective then meet again, but nothing heavy to start with and no pressure.

*disclaimer.. not saying my examples are real or not, in the interest in preserving confidentiality

Posted by: gypsynurse at February 2, 2008 12:36 PM

Whatididforlove..I think I have dated him too!

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at February 2, 2008 12:16 PM

My very first date (and internet dating experience) was so damaging to my (at that time) wobbly, post divorce self esteem that it took another year before I had the courage and will power to try again.
I made what I now consider all the classic mistakes for me at least..
1.Agreed to meet a younger man(asking for trouble if self esteem is low)
2. Spent way too much time emailing prior to meeting during which the anticipation and expectations grew and grew. We were both so charming,funny and fabulously gorgeous sexy and perfect....on paper...
3.I felt less than equal to his lifestyle.(reality proved different but upset the balance of power initially)
I was nervous and shy(terrified really) to commit to a meeting but he was so charmingly insistent that I finally agreed.
We decided to meet for brunch somewhere near his place.
Firstly ladies over a certain age brunch is not a good idea. I hardly slept the night before and had baggy swollen eyes!
Secondly he had an advantage of knowing the place and I had the anxiety of searching for it(inner city fringe no parking)
I arrive at the meeting place which had three street fronts and two entrances and several eating places I skulked about outside in the cold, waiting, walking and checking each entrance every minute or so..no sign of him
Ten minutes went by so I called him to ask which entrance I should wait at only to be informed that he was already inside!
Mistake 4..always clarify meeting details!
I entered and met him..he was sitting at a table. It was then I realised that he had full view of me for the whole time and did nothing to rescue me. I realised that he obviously wanted to check me out first and then escape out of one of the entrances if he was less than pleased. He had watched me for the whole time knowing that I was anxious and obviously waiting for him outside.
Being the polite(and timid back then) person I was I sat down and we ordered. He had his mobile phone on the table and kept checking it. Then he had a phone call from his daughter. Then a business call.
I was trying to make conversation but it was obvious he was distracted. When he talked it was in short quick sentences as though he was always in a hurry to be somewhere.The food arrived and he scoffed his down in about a minute. fortunately I had only ordered coffee and toast .
No sign of humorous Mr Charming and I had retreated into my shell.
We got up to leave and he said "You are so different in real life aren't you?" and then I noticed that he had the most peculiar walk...like Charlie Chaplin but in little gushot bursts like his speech. We paid and went outside where he asked me to point out my car..I remember virtually apologising for it being just ordinary....we said goodbye and he then said "I will see you again" and I thought "I don't think so" when I got home I had worked up a fury and emailed him exactly what I thought of him and how he had humiliated me and then ignored me and had no manners regarding mobile phones etc etc.

I took lots of "girlfriend therapy" and some more tears before I started to get my self esteem back again and belief in myself. He had made me feel so worthless and unattractive, and it was a very bad dating experience for a first time. The expectations were way too high and the shattered fantasy hard to take.

Posted by: whatididforlove at February 2, 2008 12:00 PM

Mistake number one....dating my flatmate.Mistake number two....marrying him !

Posted by: graceandcharm at February 2, 2008 11:55 AM

Hi picklesister,
what a pig you ended up with for your date. You should be congratulated for keeping your composure with an idiot like that and not stoop to his level with a reaction of your own along the same lines. Fortunately there are men out there who are not like Mr Sleezy. If you're going to the RSVP screening of "Dan in real life", I'd be happy to meet up for coffee before or after the movie. I won a ticket!!!!! Have a great day :)

Posted by: jb26262 at February 2, 2008 11:53 AM

Picklesister...perhaps you should have "sized" him up and started making comparisons with the men walking past - or stabbed him with your salad fork - either way would work :)

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at February 2, 2008 11:30 AM

Hi Jenjen,
Thanks for the hi,
hi picklesister, i feel the appropriate behaviour in that instance would to have possibly emptied your drink over his head then left, maybe a more controlled reaction might have been to gently remind him of the purpose of your meeting and that he wasnt out with the guys

Posted by: virgil at February 2, 2008 11:23 AM

picklessister - what a charmer -
As wishful and kitten said, sometimes the mistake is in showing up :)

Posted by: jenjen57 at February 2, 2008 11:10 AM

Hi All, i am new to blogging..be gentle with me :)

Worst dates!! Is there a word limit here?? I think for me it would be the guy that sat there checking out the boobs of all the chicks that went past..scoring them..and asking for my input. There was a brief apology at one point with the added comment..well if they are out there you might as look.

What do you think?? Should i have got more into it??

Posted by: picklessister at February 2, 2008 10:59 AM

Hi Virgil........

Posted by: jenjen57 at February 2, 2008 10:45 AM

hi all just a quick note to say I enjoy reading the blogs

Posted by: virgil at February 2, 2008 10:03 AM

hi guys, i am trying to make comments here but so far with no success

Posted by: virgil at February 2, 2008 10:01 AM

Just wanted to say thanks to the bloggers for sharing their thoughts. It gives some insight to the less experienced of us. At times I know I feel like I'm out of my depth with online dating.

Reading what other people have gone through is very handy although it can also make me think twice about it ;)

But, nothing ventured nothing gained... so I'm being brave.

Posted by: dharma61 at February 2, 2008 8:19 AM

STUVIC @ 12.38am

Her idea not mine. I thought it was potentially dangerous for her, although her car was going to be parked 20 yards away. I was going to take her further in my car, and she didn't yet want me to know where she lived. She was adamant, and I try not to argue with people who are pig-headed. Waste of breath.

I normally only meet over a full meal without a long-drawn-out and expensive and calorie-filled drink first, so it's almost always in a restaurant.

And you can escape from them. You pey for what you've eaten and/or drunk, and you walk out the door.

Or you forget to pay and wander off, with the waiter coming running after you.

Blogged and emailed all last night - then slept 6.30-8.30am, so getting sleepy now. Night night all.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 2, 2008 2:03 AM

BELIEVE IT OR NOT.....................

Posted by: twoeyes at February 2, 2008 1:41 AM

so are you telling us twoeyes that only 50% of what you write is believable ... I find that so hard to believe ....

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at February 2, 2008 1:33 AM

back on the topic...................

believing anymore than 50% that is written on these blogs...........

Posted by: twoeyes at February 2, 2008 1:31 AM

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at February 2, 2008 12:00 AM

and wishfulthinker03 too. We have to laugh at ourselves don't we.

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at February 2, 2008 1:28 AM

Posted by: auntykaz at February 2, 2008 12:27 AM

Oh god ... you too!!!

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at February 2, 2008 1:26 AM

Posted by: willow1059 at February 2, 2008 12:36 AM

hmmmmm

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at February 2, 2008 1:24 AM

I think one of the biggest mistakes I did was meeting someone at the botanical gardens and walking around talking to them for 3 or 4 hours. Being practically crippled by a back injury at the time, walking wasn't exactly my strong point back then.

I find a real first meet/date killer is someone showing up with the "are they my one true love" attitude. While it's never something I've alluded to myself, known a few on the other side did.

Wishful, it purely depends on ones stance on politeness and committal. Not rocking up to appointments is something I save for rude real estate agents. If the date is going sour, just excuse yourself and say goodbye. If it turns ugly, cause a scene - Women always win in those situation.

Posted by: randomsalt at February 2, 2008 1:19 AM

Jenjen, you are probably very correct there...however I'm using that wonderful, perfecto 20/20 hindsight I have....

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at February 2, 2008 12:43 AM

timewarp1, I'd have never considered asking someone to meet me at a bus stop. Are women really ok with that? A first meet for me would be a cafe or coffee shop (or bar if they so incline). There's no obligation and you don't have that 'locked in' sensation you have when dining at a restaurant.

Posted by: stuvik at February 2, 2008 12:38 AM

timewarp. 12:07AM "(No -not a furball - that only happens at Willow's email address, when food is involved and men crash the party to manhandle the ladies.)"

Thank heaven for the male gate crashers, I was out of my depth. Too many kittens, poodles and leopards for me to handle.

Gee, this blog is so peaceful. Must say virtual dinner does seem less complicated than blogger meets.

Posted by: willow1059 at February 2, 2008 12:36 AM

the biggest mistake l made on a date once was actually turning up for it................K

Posted by: auntykaz at February 2, 2008 12:27 AM

Sounds like that 2% were rough timewarp1.
Something else you could take out of your experience is, if you're waiting for someone who has actually taken the time to call ahead explaining that they're arriving late, give them some leeway.
Try to get to a meet on time but being unavoidably late is exactly that. Unavoidable.

Posted by: stuvik at February 2, 2008 12:25 AM

PRECISELY DEFINING THE RENDEZVOUS LOCATION can be very helpful.

I once waited at a bus stop at Chermside for 5 minutes before and then 3/4 hour after the agreed time, before giving up and going home.

Meanwhile she had been waiting at the other bus stop that I didn't know about, on the other side of the same building, but went home 15 mins after r.v. time, just before I checked all round the building, in case I'd got the location wrong.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 2, 2008 12:21 AM

I'LL CONFESS straight away, without the need for torture such as RSVP hiding my profile till I cough up. (No -not a furball - that only happens at Willow's email address, when food is involved and men crash the party to manhandle the ladies.)

I have been a full half hour late for 2% of my RSVP first dates. That's 2 out of a hundred, or one a year.

Each time the rendezvous was where the lady could sit down at our table in our chosen busy restaurant with a cold drink, if she happened to get there before I did. That's the only kind of place - not at a bus stop.

Safe, with somewhere to sit and something to do (they provide magazines).

Each time I phoned her mobile shortly before rendezvous time, to warn her that I was unavoidably running late, and by about how much.

The battleaxe gave me a sample of her displeasure when I phoned, another when I arrived, and a third as we left at the end of lunch, 45 minutes later. I think she was mainly upset that her status had been downgraded.

Whatever - she blocked me permanently as soon as she got home, before I could email her a fourth apology and a final farewell.

The sweet but assertive nurse (also 60ish) showed me her car keys when I arrived, and told me she would have given me another 5 minutes, before she decamped, once she'd finished her drink.

Three hours later as I put her into her car at the far end of the pub car park, she asked me if she could phone me in a few weeks' time.

Being late for a date is assumed to prove that your date is a person of relatively low importance in your life.

Not a good omen, so try to be more considerate, to stop the important first impression from being a bad one.

Then try to make punctuality a habit - it will make your life and relationships both run smoother.

Posted by: timewarp1 at February 2, 2008 12:07 AM

Sage advice aliane.
My 'biggest' mistake appears to be my waistline. It seems to affect all aspects of meeting the right person. It either deters them like I have some sort of disease/disability or gravitates me to the 'just friends' section.
At least it's something I can work on I suppose..

Posted by: stuvik at February 2, 2008 12:06 AM

wishful - if you didnt turn up you wouldnt have found out it was a mistake !!

Posted by: jenjen57 at February 2, 2008 12:02 AM

Biggest mistakes....does actually turning up count?

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at February 2, 2008 12:00 AM

Hello all I am new to this blog but love blogging. I think the biggest mistake that people make on the first.... date, is that they make it too much like a date and less like a meeting. A meeting is less confronting and coffee is a great meeting drink. With coffee, it can be as short or as long as you want it to be and in my experience, alot less pressure. There is my pearl of wisdom for today..... I know, I know...wise beyond my years....hehe

Posted by: mystiemuse at February 1, 2008 11:28 PM

Hi all, my worst mistake was thinking the chemistry was there during the date which she agreed it was, just to find out later that she didn't find the spark when she surprised me with a kiss at the end. Who was to know it hinged on that! Too bad she didn't want a second date. I would have been much more prepared.

Posted by: guy2love at February 1, 2008 9:55 PM

I am always upfront & straight forward. For me turning down the bluntness might be a wise move.

Posted by: trumanscat at February 1, 2008 7:02 PM

Hi gypsynurse ... welcome back to the blogs ... all be it with a new name ... it's been a while but some of us will still recognise you. BTW, you know bloggers are always welcome at my bar and grill.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 1, 2008 6:33 PM

There's a real problem when these cruise ships have internet terminal rooms.

Think I might just go and hide in the focuscle till this cruise is over.

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 1, 2008 1:55 PM

alaine ... I was saying "I don't understand what you mean".

Posted by: woodnwine at February 1, 2008 12:42 PM

WoodnWine.. speaking of dates from hell, I'll be home for a week at the end of March. Shall we catch up for a coffee and laugh?
Personally I try not to let it get to the date from hell, but have had coffee meets that could have gone better, though mostly it's reasons that have been covered in previous blogs, people not being what their profile professes them to be.
Really just a matter of doing better homework.
All in all, it's all good, at very least I get an amusing story to share with my friends and can usually have them rolling in the isles laughing even while they are shouting ..eeek!!!

Posted by: gypsynurse at February 1, 2008 12:40 PM

????

Posted by: woodnwine at February 1, 2008 12:05 PM

Well, I have not had a date from hell, but honestly every girl no mater what what she looks like, personality or what ever deserves at least some consideration. She is looking just like you for that someone special, for that mutual attraction that tells her this is the one.

This is still difficult even with all the filtering done on these sites. It still comes down to that basic instinct. When two people are attracted to each other and are willing to share the most interment of intercourse together.

If this attraction isn't there either on one side or the other then at least tell the person, don't leave them in limbo with hope that maybe you will contact him or her.

Be honest, don't run away but let your true feeling's be known. Part at least friends. We can never have too many of them.

Posted by: robertgordon at February 1, 2008 10:43 AM

Neuroticfish .... at last, a blog topic just for you.

Posted by: woodnwine at February 1, 2008 10:16 AM

The Date From Hell is a very real problem.

Keep your escape routes open.

It may be the back door of the restaurant, a quick visit to the loo at the movies and then RUN.

But if your date is one that lasts a very very long time, like 11 days with the same woman, OMG.

A typical illustration is a shipboard cruise and all cabins are taken. Do you hide all day in the focuscle. Do you enter the pool never to re-emerge.

Do you call for a helicopter to rescue you from the Outer Virgin Isles.

Think about it.

I thought I had an Escape Route but I didn't but a well time Emergencu Call seems to have saved my bacon.

Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Posted by: neuroticfish at February 1, 2008 9:55 AM