RSVP Blog

Yes I know what you mean I have just spent 2 hours scrolling through quick search. Yours was there after over a 100 profiles.

I think I spend too much time on here and not getting as much exercise as I should be getting in so I think today will be my last day on the blogs for a while.

Oh well have made some good friends whilst I have been here.

I will let fate do it's bit for awhile.

I will probably look in after 1st semester this year.

Posted by: mstingle at January 31, 2008 9:39 AM

Posted by: timewarp1 at January 31, 2008 1:44 AM

"RSVP has quoted the following statistics of expected compatibility: Expect you'll have to work your way through at least 35 first dates before you meet someone who would do for a romantic partner if you were in a hurry, and 70 + dates to find someone really suitable."

Wow, were did you get these figures from? They frankly scare me ..... 70+ dates (presume you mean meetings)! That's an awful lot of meetings! Maybe by the time I am ready to retire, I might meet someone really suitable.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 31, 2008 8:24 AM

MONEY AND SEX -what's the go on the first date?

People tell me the first date is usually a quick coffee, but that doesn't work for me at all. I want to meet over a real meal.

I suspect the reason most people go for a quick coffee on a first date is because they are hunting, and using the first date only to decide whether the other person seems worth pursuing sexually.

If so, it'll be dinner and flowers and whatever else it takes, starting from date 2. And if not, we only wasted half an hour and the cost of a cup of coffee on going up a dry gully, eh?

My own approach is diametrically opposed to that. I eat out at least 3 nights a week, anyway. Used to cook 3 or 4 nights a week for up to five for 20-odd years, and now I'm divorced, I've cut right back.

But I'm a social animal - I prefer to eat in company rather than alone, because I enjoy conversing at length over a meal. So anyone interesting to listen to, will do for my dinner partner.

If I don't have an RSVP first date for a night when I want to eat out, I try to invite a friend, and/or someone from RSVP that I've met already and don't fancy - but do significantly like, and therefore would like to meet again - and again, till one of us starts to find the other somewhat less interesting than at first.

So who should pay for these dinners, served with dialogue on the side?

I have 4 reasons for suggesting that the appropriate answer is to go Dutch:

1) Thinking of tonight only in isolation, I assume the other person will enjoy our time together at least as much as I will, or she's the wrong choice for my dinner partner. So why should I pay for her fun as well as my own?

2) Looking ahead: RSVP has quoted the following statistics of expected compatibility: Expect you'll have to work your way through at least 35 first dates before you meet someone who would do for a romantic partner if you were in a hurry, and 70 + dates to find someone really suitable.

So the chance that tonight's date is The One is pretty slim. Assume she's not, and that the future is therefore irrelevant, so there's still no reason to go anything but Dutch.

And if She is the One, then He is also The One. So why isn't she investing equally in this lottery?

3) Looking way back: The man supplied the mating club and then the money, and the woman supplied his comfort. From time unrecorded.

That was when women got nowhere near a man's pay, and the "headache tonight" had not yet been invented.

And don't talk glass ceilings to me, in the 21st century - that applies only to perhaps the top 10% of female workers, and the top 10% of Brisbane women over 55 and in RSVP look pretty rich to me. Triple my income and more, the many I've met.

The relevance of No. 3 to me personally? If an elderly woman on the age pension sends me an RSVP kiss, chivalry owes her a first date - as a market-research reality-check for her, if nothing else.

And I pay for our dinners, automatically. As the man always did when she and I were 20, even if she'd started things off by dropping her hankie in front of him as he walked past.

But I'm looking forward into the 21st century, not back to the middle of the 20th.

Once you get yourself up to date and assume similar incomes, and the obsolescence of previous sex-role-stereotypes including female co-dependence, the tab has to be paid in guilders. How many to the Euro?

4) "A man would be proving he's stingey, if he didn't automatically pay the whole bill". That one hits a feller right in the ego. Come in spinner.

But in the 21st century, if she didn't offer to share the cost, a woman with a decent income would be proving she's either a gold-digger, or locked back in the co-dependent past: Money for sex, to save him from Mrs Palmer. Sex for money, to save her from starvation.

At date No.1, I'm only looking for dialogue with my dinner, for Eros' sake!

I won't begin focussing on whether I want date No.2 with her for at least the first 2 or 3 hours.

Posted by: timewarp1 at January 31, 2008 1:44 AM

Kateegirl,

Absolutely spot on, all too calculated....where has the spontaneity gone? Is everyone in so much of a hurry and desperate that they feel they have to rush into the sack to make a connection...give me boy meets girl, boy woos girl anyday...afaid that I am too old fashioned for the modern world where relationships are concerned.

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at January 31, 2008 12:39 AM

Thanks Bob, the topics as set above sound like a job interview or checklist. It all sounds too cold and calculated for me. Give me old fashioned getting to know someone over a glass of wine or a coffee and see if there's a spark or two.

Posted by: kateegirl at January 31, 2008 12:32 AM

Hi Kateegirl,

As usual, your posts are short, sweet and straight to the point; wish I was able to be put my views forward in as few words. You cant plan these things, they shoud just happen because of the connection both people feel.

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at January 31, 2008 12:03 AM

FP I see you corrected yourself..that's good.

Posted by: lamuse at January 30, 2008 11:18 PM

I am interested to know what background your experience is in. You mentioned completing your doctorate-could I ask you again what field this was in?
Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 30, 2008 10:39 PM

I prefer to not reveal those sorts of details about myself. Rest assured I know whereof I speak.

Sorry, psychoanalysis is not regarded worldwide as a science which you just said. Psychology thinks it is a science, but even that is debatable, and if as I suggested you read some Critical Psychology you would understand why. So it would serve you well to start reading. I suggest Shotter, Gergen, Harré, Ian Parker,for starters. Better still, start with reading a bit on the history of psychological discourse by Kurt Danziger. A bit of googling and reading at your library should keep you busy for days and maybe, just maybe you will start learning something. There are courses given in Critical Psychology at some universities...U Western Sydney has some. No idea what is on offer in Melbourne, but surely...

Posted by: lamuse at January 30, 2008 11:16 PM

last post should read " You may question Psychology's claim that it is a science,but..." Its late and I am tired.

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 30, 2008 10:46 PM

Lamuse: I didnt say that psychoanalysis was a science, but that psychology is. There are various psychodynamic approaches, the most famous was psychoanaysis which was proposed by Freud.

Psychoanalysis is a psychodynamic theoryYou may question its claim as a science, but it is regarded as such in our university education system and worldwide.

Psychology uses the scientific method of acquiring knowledge that uses observations to develop a hypothesis, then uses the hypothesis to make logical predictions that can be empirically tested by making additional, systematic observations. Typically, the new observations lead to a new hypothesis and the cycle continues.

I say this with some knowledge having undergraduate and postgraduate degrees in health science, as well as currently undertaking psychology studies at postgraduate level.

I am interested to know what background your experience is in. You mentioned completing your doctorate-could I ask you again what field this was in?
I value your input and hearing peoples opinion that are out of the field.

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 30, 2008 10:39 PM

I think you can tell a lot about a person's character by their generosity and by that I mean even if they dont have a lot they are happy to share it with you. A person who is generous with their money is generous with their love and affection. Tight fisted people are usually mean with their feelings and joy of life. I dont think you need to bring up the topic of money, when you chat about yourselves you can usually get a feel for what sort of life they lead. Sex should be something that just happens naturally between 2 consenting adults. If it doesnt feel right say so, have protection with you just as a precaution rather than woohoo Im gonna get some tonight!!

Posted by: kateegirl at January 30, 2008 10:11 PM

WB.. 'I think that knowing yourself well is the key to finding someone compatible."

I think that is exactly the key to finding the right person on here or anywhere. And I think its more then knowing what you like and dislike.. it goes deeper than that. :-)

Posted by: seraphsuzie at January 30, 2008 10:10 PM

Sounds like the evening drinking crowd has descended. SamBrit will arrive soon no doubt.

Posted by: lamuse at January 30, 2008 10:07 PM

Posted by: woodnwine at January 30, 2008 7:02 PM

Exactly!

Posted by: mstingle at January 30, 2008 8:47 PM

Malsie @ 5.25...

The Pope/Rocket Scientist.....
it's the Gemini in me- we're very adaptable...

Posted by: decoratress at January 30, 2008 7:21 PM

rsvpunk...

In a short post you used "you all" three times, & "non of you" (sic) once.

May I respectfully point out that "you all" & "none of you" is a ridiculous generalisation.

Posted by: decoratress at January 30, 2008 7:16 PM

"For many people Sex and Money are two of the most difficult topics to discuss with a new partner with fears of rejection, loss, exploitation and relationship disaster abounding." .... not if you get on well.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 30, 2008 7:02 PM

Hi waterbombe - "So, WnW, you mentioned on the other blog that you are generally a good judge when it comes to dates, and that's what I mean. You must know what you are looking for in a partner, and that qualities you are looking for are genuinely compatible with you. What do you think?"

I think I have things pretty well worked out in my mind as to what I am looking for in a partner and work on the principal of less is more, that's why after many meetings I have only gone on to date 4 women. They were all good dates and 2 of them went further.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 30, 2008 6:59 PM

Jenni/istj54. My comments weren't directed to you at all. And thank you for the lovely compliment & I agree, we get better as we get older.

Posted by: trumanscat at January 30, 2008 6:38 PM

WB, thanks for that bit of insight into eHarmony..it is hard indeed to imagine how any algorithm or test could be devised that is going to get around the individual differences question.

Now, a few of us have come up with some things we have learned along the way...what are some of yours?

Others?

Posted by: lamuse at January 30, 2008 6:16 PM

Bob, your estimation of the field is pretty spot-on IMO...one of the earliest findings in the field of perception was that the individual doing the perceiving had an altering effect on the result. The choice of what is taught in psych departments is itself open to critique and is very politically motivated. As to Running with Scissors, I read the book..I'd say it took a lot of poetic license in the telling, but no doubt was modeled on a real life eccentric in the whacko psychiatrist.

Posted by: lamuse at January 30, 2008 6:10 PM

Posted by: notgodsgift at January 30, 2008 5:59 PM

Interesting must have a look! I have heard of the title before but when told about it previously I forgot to write it down, thanks for jogging my memory.

Posted by: mstingle at January 30, 2008 6:09 PM

Iamuse, I am posting this here because the other blog isn't accepting my post.
I found your NYT article interesting. I used eHarmony when I lived in America a few years ago, but I didn't find it to be any more accurate than using rsvp to make my own choices here. They certainly ask you to fill out a lot of information - 8 to 10 pages of closely typed text as I recall - and that probably deters the players and fly-by-nighters because it takes a whole evening to set up a profile. So that would be one advantage. But actually I have had more success with rsvp since I have been back in Australia. I think the reason for that is that a questionnaire can't possibly ask the million questions that would be needed to cover every essential point with every person who uses it. Rsvp has had over a million users...there's a lot of variability among a milliion users...and of course there are even more people on the dating sites in the big cities in the US. The things that really bother me in a guy might not matter at all to the next woman...you know how it goes. And the questionnaire is not likely to ask all the important questions for me, her, and the other million people who use it.

I reckon I, and the people who are successful on this site, have an algorithm or a sorting process in our heads that is pretty sophisticated, drawn from years of experience of listening carefully and reading between the lines. If you have a finely-tuned sorter like that, you quickly identify likely suspects. Of course occasionally you make a bad call, but a computer program makes a lot more. So that brings me to the question of what the sorting system consists of...what are we looking for...and what do we want to avoid? Those are the two million dollar questions. The more detailed and specific and accurate we can be with our answers, the more quickly we will find someone. I think that knowing yourself well is the key to finding someone compatible.

So, WnW, you mentioned on the other blog that you are generally a good judge when it comes to dates, and that's what I mean. You must know what you are looking for in a partner, and that qualities you are looking for are genuinely compatible with you. What do you think?

Posted by: waterbombe at January 30, 2008 6:06 PM

Hi All,

Interesting subject is psychology and, without ever prentending to have any nous about the subject, I have always felt that it is subjective, not objective. I say this because it is based upon individual perceptions that can be coloured by personal beliefs, experiences and prejudices, in addition to those that are learned from the sources the budding psychologist may have studied.

There is a DVD out called "Running with Scissors"; really worth a look because it is a true story based upon the life of the author of the book; and is significant on his upbringing as a child and adolescent.

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at January 30, 2008 5:59 PM

Lamuse...have to say I really enjoyed
reading your post about "Algorithms" The first piece of really interesting information I have read in a long time on here!

Posted by: brilliantblue at January 30, 2008 5:36 PM

Nice examples, LaMuse and WnW. I have learnt (only just very recently) that loving someone - however much you try to make it be so - does not necesarily mean you will be ultimately compatible.

Posted by: malsie at January 30, 2008 5:28 PM

Rocket scientist, decoratress? No, you're the pope, remember? tee hee :)

Posted by: malsie at January 30, 2008 5:25 PM

SlightS, you may choose from a poem 28 Jan 1:42PM, joke 28 Jan 4:32PM or another joke 29 Jan 10:17PM.

"sorry for so many posts. computer played up and do not get home from work till late at night. Where is my joke Willow : ))"

Posted by: willow1059 at January 30, 2008 5:25 PM

au contraire, LaMuse - I really enjoyed that post about psychology. It's other "stuff" that makes my eyes glaze over (and also enjoyed the article you re-produced here earlier to consider - thanks).

Posted by: malsie at January 30, 2008 5:19 PM

FP, psychoanalysis is not science. It is a way of talking about things, as are the constructs of id, ego etc. They are not measurable entities. Psychology calls itself a science, which is a bit questionable for all but a small part of it, and its domain is quite wide, from perception to behavior. It is mainly empirical in terms of what is known, and it relies a lot on deduction, and more recently it has been upstaged by mathematical modeling, and neurology.
I hope you have been exposed to some critical psychology and to some more postmodern critique in particular.
Read some Ken Gergen for example.

Now all this is going to make all the bloggers' eyes glaze over so I will stop there.

And I want to know what happened with DB2! Much more interesting!

Posted by: lamuse at January 30, 2008 5:07 PM

Lamuse:forgot to say.. I don't think this site is using an algorithm if the cupid matches are anything to go by-LOL

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 30, 2008 4:35 PM

lamuse: I take your point and accept that nothing in psychology can be proven, however it is a recognised science albeit with theories that are continually evolving.

When talking of the subconscious mind, I am referring to Freuds model of psychoanalysis that includes the id, the ego and the superego. You are right in saying it is hypothetical, but I could also argue that 'dreams' are too.

The only thing that can be measured and replicated is memory & behaviour. The mind is still a mystery.The papers were academic research papers.

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 30, 2008 4:21 PM

FP, you said "I have also being reading some interesting papers with my studies that suggest when a woman feels an intense attraction to a man, she is projecting the desirable traits she felt abouy her mother but have split off from her personality. How the subconscious works is amazing."

I'd advise caution regarding taking such theories seriously..there is no way to prove nor disprove them. Even the notion of a subconscious is a hypothetical construct. But it all is good for fun discussions.

Glad someone read the article!

Posted by: lamuse at January 30, 2008 3:02 PM

lamuse: I read your article and found it really interesting, thanks for sharing it with us.

I have also being reading some interesting papers with my studies that suggest when a woman feels an intense attraction to a man, she is projecting the desirable traits she felt abouy her mother but have split off from her personality. How the subconscious works is amazing.

I certainly appreciated Ninaschen spending one of her stamps to notify me of the last lunch. In appreciation I surprised her with a box of chocolates on the day.

Ninaschen has been very generous sending out many emails, so perhaps it would be a lovely gesture at the next lunch if she was "shouted' her meal.

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 30, 2008 2:47 PM

I think some folks post here at night after having way too much grog..the posts sound a bit meandering and are disinhibited in an often mean way. Now, this is just some...others may also have had too much happy juice but remain happy.

Am a bit surprised no-one has commented on the NYT article I posted..I thought it was interesting that dating sites over there are using tests and algorithms to match people and claiming great success.

Posted by: lamuse at January 30, 2008 1:41 PM

I've learned that RSVP is full of.....
.....the same people who are out there in the RealWorld!

hahahaha... I'm a Rocket Scientist!

But sadly, as elsewhere, The Good are offset by The Bad & The Ugly.. as is demonstrated on these blogs daily.

That's life, & whingeing about it won't change it, or remove the feral component from this site.

Those who are positive & helpful are a joy.
Those who hurl vitriol- well- they mostly just damage themselves.

I'd hazard a guess that the former are happier....
....and isn't Happiness what we are all seeking?

Only the right things make us Happy.
Love for our fellow human beings falls beautifully into that category.....

love&peace
decoratress

Posted by: decoratress at January 30, 2008 1:18 PM

Thanks lamuse ... I agree, these blogs should be more positive and helpful (as well as fun) otherwise why bother? Let's try to share what we have learnt about failed relationships, ways WE could possibly do things better.

What have I learnt? I have learnt that just because someone a long time ago treated me with indifference despite telling me she loved me, that doesn't mean that other women will be the same ... it was just her manner and shouldn't make me insecure in future relationships. I have also learnt not to be so demanding if I meet someone I really click with ... to give them more space in the early stages. Hopefully I have learnt these things.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 30, 2008 12:52 PM

WnW, I think it would be very helpful to share what one learns about oneself from such experiences here, rather than, as you said, attacking others or whinging about the person in question.

I, for example, have had to learn that I quickly develop expectations if there has been a good sexual encounter and have to watch this trait.

Posted by: lamuse at January 30, 2008 12:17 PM

There seems to be a lot of unnecessary bitterness on these blogs from time to time....why? We all have disappointments to deal with but we shouldn't take that out on others. I had a fabulous new relationship end suddenly last year but I didn't get on the blogs and attack others ... nor did I belittle or complain publically about that person. As hard as it was, I looked at myself and tried to determine what I could have done better. Sure, I was upset but I dealt with that privately and am trying to improve myself.

Could I try to urge everyone to realise that they too have faults .... it isn't always the other person. Try to learn from your experiences and move on ... there are heaps of nice people on RSVP ... just make an effort and meet some of them and stop publically whinging.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 30, 2008 12:03 PM

Posted by: woodnwine at January 29, 2008 12:18 PM

You look fine physically to me. However it is good to keep fit.

Posted by: mstingle at January 30, 2008 10:49 AM

Posted by: istj54 at January 30, 2008 7:44 AM

Don't take anything that Samathabrit says to heart, obviously they have problems.

Have a good break, we all take them from time to time and come back refreshed.

Posted by: mstingle at January 30, 2008 10:45 AM

Swimming Slightsync? ... well, I do try to keep my head above water but don't always succeed. I'll just keep lifting those boring old weights.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 30, 2008 9:40 AM

sorry for so many posts. computer played up and do not get home from work till late at night. Where is my joke Willow : ))

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 30, 2008 9:38 AM

Posted by: istj54 at January 29, 2008 7:04 PM

istj54: you are definately not a bully and a nasty and your blogging has been positive and intelligent. Also humorous. Ignore what sambrit says to you, he must have a crush. Enjoy your blog rest if you must go and hope you come back. Have been also thinking of going too, but it is addictive. Am hoping NF will post more recipes and hints. All the best istj54 : ))

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 30, 2008 9:37 AM

Posted by: diamondblue2 at January 29, 2008 12:44 PM

You would think that it is not that hard for a guy to make a phone call. Don't men and women misunderstand each other often? Nothing worse than hanging round waiting for a phone call or other contact. People get caught up in their own stuff I guess. Don't take it personally if possible. I have encountered some rudeness on RSVP. Hope it does not tarnish your view of life and that you can put him down as being a frog on the way to your prince. Or maybe he will redeem himself? Not having expectations can help. Do guys even believe it when it is said to them that you are not thinking about the future, that you are just thinking of the day you are in? (From my own experience)

It is sure not easy db2, I like your name and sometimes I can not spell mine : )))

General comment: WnW's point about Karma = being calmer is good. Surely there is enough negativity in the world around us. Having a go at each other maybe normal but there is way too much judgement on here from some. Why? No-one is perfect and an attitude of acceptance and civility is not that hard?? Is it? Maybe the sort of things that are said can not be emailed as the person could be blocked. Also for a blog, on an online dating site, the comments about appearance are ridiculous and discriminatory.

Sambrit...if your partner preferences are on your profile you do not need to go on about it on the blog? You are not on the blog to meet people so why does it matter what bloggers look like. When your Adonis like photo is posted on a visible profile send me a kiss to indicate that you have a pic up.

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 30, 2008 9:32 AM

Being just the two of you alone and unclad is good.

Posted by: diamondblue2 at January 28, 2008 3:25 PM

Thanks db2...I just love the beach actually. Don't know who the two of you (me) would be, but it is sure nice to hope. You never know!!! Look me up if you come to Adelaide for sure. I kinda prefer the clad beaches personally. Adds a bit of mystique...

Trumanscat, planning to go to Womadelaide on the Sunday as working the rest of the time. Maybe Saturday night too. I will have stamps of course by then so will email.

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 30, 2008 9:18 AM

I can stop lifting those dam weights 3 times a week .... it was boring anyway.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 29, 2008 12:18 PM

I thought you preferred swimming WnW??

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 30, 2008 9:05 AM

Okay...this is the last till autumn but I have to set things straight...TC at no time have I pulled the looks thing. You are very beautiful, your hair gloriouos, as are many of the ladies out to lunch "that" day...Waterbombe, I never spoke to you for fifteen minutes...Please ask Ninaschen to tell you how nervous I was that day. My hands were shaking and I showed her. Must admit that I had a very quick wine to try to calm myself. Weta, I am sure you can probably attest to this too...as mstingle has said I probably did talk about myself a bit...and this in itself is unusual...I rarely open up to people quickly...You were all very lovely and asked me questions which I answered. You put me at ease. Your group, Waterbombe, arrived quite late and I was not sitting near you.
I had never met, or emailed, FP before that lunch...so another misconception. I am very sorry that I did not get to talk to more people and have said that time after time. It was the set-up and size of the group and the short time. Think about groups too. If a large group of people know each other and a new person is put in there, the group will question the newbie for information. That does not make the newbie full of themselves as you have implied. I am not full of myself. I am an introvert but as you would know taht doesn't mean that I am not confident and assertive. Once again I apologise, but for the last time. We obviously have different perceptions and that is okay. Probably why realtionships do not work out here in the long run.
Samantabrit, I take exception to all your remarks about older women and have taken them quite personally too...I think we are a highly attractive breed these days and it is your misfortune not to recognise that "fact". we do not start rapidly losing it after forty. That is absolute nonsense...I had found the women and men on that now fateful day to be highly attractive, intelligent individuals and recall writing that in a post shortly thereafter...I'm still mulling over what has happened here and think I have a few answers...but I do find it a disturbing phenomena and this is why I am taking a break.

Melba from Melbourne

Posted by: istj54 at January 30, 2008 7:44 AM

Let this be a lesson to all of us.

Well meaning attempts at inclusiveness does not always benefit all. Some are winners but occasionally some with skewed perceptions slip by....
And of course it must be because of the most amazing attractiveness that begets detractors... that MUST be the reasoning.

Posted by: trumanscat at January 30, 2008 6:55 AM

WOW....said before I wouldnt post again. Now I know why. This isnt a blog, its a dummy spit. Or as previously stated it's turned into another "BOG".

Where is the interesting, witty and adult conversation?

Posted by: sunkissedqldr at January 30, 2008 6:50 AM

AHA...

Looking back, it seems from your post of Jan29 11.39pm, that....

..goodness me!
..you couldn't be..

....could you??

futilepercussion!! ..is that you?

Good evening! How are you tonight?

decoratress

Posted by: decoratress at January 30, 2008 3:50 AM

BRILLIANTBLUE:

Are you sure about your post at 10.33 tonight? Contextual clues suggest to me that if a split personality actually is involved, you've got a wrong-sex fox by the tail. Could I be right?

Posted by: timewarp1 at January 30, 2008 1:43 AM

GO PLEASE DOT COM

Home from a good banana-straightening session of night tennis, and noted your 8.45pm dummy-spit, repeated twice for emphasis.

I assume you are referring to my strong peer reprimand at 11.45am 27th about the copied-from-internet schoolboy-humour piece that you had posted at 11.28am.

I saw it as tasteless, which some people are, but also as ageist and misogynistic, which I am in the habit of publically decrying, as I was waffling on about to TwoEyes at 1.57am today.

So I called you for it on Sunday, and received your response tonight.

"Finis" is Latin, a language that was past its use-by date when I was your age. We speak English now, and I say to you

"To tell men from boys,
criticise them.
Men improve,
but boys only sulk."

Posted by: timewarp1 at January 30, 2008 1:28 AM

Posted by: waterbombe at January 29, 2008 11:36 PM

Thanks for the compliment it was very kind of you to say so.

Sometimes people can also appear to be confident on the outside but it may only be a mask they are wearing and may be quaking inside.

Actually one person was surprised when I said that I had felt shy underneath because they had not picked up on this because externally to them I appeared not to be she at all.

I suppose really it is hard to really know, we can only go on how it appears.

Sometimes we are right about people sometimes we can never be sure.

Posted by: mstingle at January 30, 2008 12:13 AM

Possibly the kitten was eaten by the leopard? Or will be, at some virtual time in the future?

And why do you drink in decimals, willow... ten cocktails at a time .. that is so very French, they are the inventors of the decimal system ... and you seem fond of frogs, too, I believe you had one in your virtual bed...

Posted by: waterbombe at January 30, 2008 12:07 AM

MsTingle 11:27 "T'was me Willow with the dog, can't you remember you told me to put my leopard print bag on your bed and the bag matched your sheets:)"

I am sorry, seem to be saying that a bit. You are quite correct, I think I had toooooooo many virtual drinks.

All the animals have me confused, when I went to bed I could not tell what animal I slept with. Leopards, frogs, dogs all looked the same by the time cocktail 10 went down the hatch. Not a kitten to be seen.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 30, 2008 12:00 AM

Letting you know that I just posted an interesting article from today's New York Times on the use of algorithms in US dating sites and some current research, in the other running blog ("Can you find love on RSVP?").

Posted by: lamuse at January 29, 2008 11:58 PM

I think about half the Melbourne bloggers who meet at the lunches are in relationships... wouldn't that be a better average than rsvp-ers in general?

And slim and attractive aren't enough, samanthabrit... try honest, intelligent, emotionally mature, funny, responsible, entertaining and compassionate as well and see if that makes some difference to your chances.

Posted by: waterbombe at January 29, 2008 11:47 PM

I'm here for the entertainment value of the blogs, and also because sometimes things are said on here that are really interesting ... some of the bloggers are a great read.

I hid my profile because I found someone to love, samanthabrit, so I am no longer looking. You can meet really lovely people on this site, it's a matter of serendipity.

Posted by: waterbombe at January 29, 2008 11:41 PM

Hi Mstingle - i can understand that when people are nervous they might talk a lot - or not at all - and need to be drawn out of themselves. I am glad you feel more confident as a result of going to the blogger's meeting, that's great. You should feel confident, you are funny and also very genuine and thoughtful..you sound like a lovely person.

Istj54 doesn't seem to me to be lacking in confidence... her posts are entertaining and sometimes quite 'out there', and in person she doesn't strike you as shy at all. She seems quite an assertive person, actually.

Posted by: waterbombe at January 29, 2008 11:36 PM

Posted by: aliane at January 29, 2008 10:58 PM

Good post, you are a lovely lady.

Posted by: mstingle at January 29, 2008 11:32 PM

Posted by: willow1059 at January 29, 2008 10:05 PM

T'was me Willow with the dog, can't you remember you told me to put my leopard print bag on your bed and the bag matched your sheets:)

Posted by: mstingle at January 29, 2008 11:27 PM

Posted by: waterbombe at January 29, 2008 9:42 PM

Hi waterbombe. I know that everyone is different and I haven't met Istj54 (by the way Istj54) your post about having a rest was touching).

Anyway what I am trying to say is. That sometimes when people are nervous they tend to talk about self because that is all that they know and when there are a lot of people around you can forget to ask about the other person or each person you speak to because while nervous you can go on auto pilot about yourself because it is a topic you know very well and cannot make any mistakes with it. Well as far as not knowing a subject.

I know that when I went to my first blog meeting just a couple of Sunday's ago, I know that I mostly talked about self while there were 12-14 present.

Later when there were just the 4 of us I was more relaxed and felt more comfortable and that was when, I was able to ask questions about those in my company. It was good to learn about them and they were lovely people.

I really enjoyed having dinner with these three other people because I was more relaxed.

Now I wouldn't say that they were any better than anyone else there that day, in fact I was impressed at how nice and real they all were that day. It was just the nerves were there, when there were more people.

I remember telling Today122 in an email later that I felt a little silly when I looked back at how I had not asked any questions, in particular I noticed I had done this when talking to a couple of males present that were really great guy's. They had asked me questions but I failed to ask anything about them.

I have taken note of this and plan to ask more questions about others to contribute to the conversation because I do not want people to get the wrong impression.

Some of us are more experienced than others or have a natural ability at a social level, especially meeting with a large number of people, with whom they had not previously met.

I was also very grateful to have received positive feedback afterwards from a few of the blogger’s, which helps to boost the confidence.

Posted by: mstingle at January 29, 2008 11:22 PM

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 29, 2008 6:51 PM

Yes it was good wasn't it and I loved your company also.

Posted by: mstingle at January 29, 2008 10:45 PM

"My right of reply..

To the grumpy old banana bender, that attacked me
Lighten-up and take a joke for a joke

UP YOURS JACK .
Finis

Posted by: gopiesdotcom at January 29, 2008 8:45 PM"

I think someone stuffed up bit...hey "Diamondblue2" with which profile they were using at this time or should I just call u "Stormy'!

Posted by: brilliantblue at January 29, 2008 10:33 PM

LaMuse 9:26AM, "Willow If you visit here between sets, are you working out at home, or do you use wifi at the gym? (And with that question I leave myself open for Willow's usual play on words..)"

At home is the answer.

You are a tease, you know that I cannot pass by an invitation so here is my play.

Wifi (pron Why Fee), of course gyms charge a fee for attendance, they have a business to run. Hence, iron pumping mostly happens at home.

Wifi (alt pron Wife E), are you confused, this is not my ex wife's initial. I do not try to use my fellow members wives with names starting with E for anything. Do you have reason to believe I have dishonourable intentions?

LaMuse, could you make the next challenge a little easier. Wifi is a bit tough after a day at work!

Posted by: willow1059 at January 29, 2008 10:17 PM

kitten 6:51PM, I have found the missing frog. In my bed with dog teeth marks all around it.

Perhaps we should have fed db2's pooch before we ate.

Do not despair, the extra space on the PJ's will be appreciated by the remaining frogs. As always, good can come from bad.

I think I can speak for others in saying we enjoyed your company as well.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 29, 2008 10:05 PM

WnW 12:18 "And seriously women don't care about bodies as much as they do about emotional intelligence and wit. I'm not joking." .... I can stop lifting those dam weights 3 times a week .... it was boring anyway.

We wish WnW, my advice is keep lifting or turn into a marshmallow. Boring it is, I find some classics (loud)from 70, 80, 90's help ease the pain.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 29, 2008 10:00 PM

Istj54, I have to echo Ninaschen's comments here. I too talked to you for some time at the Melbourne bloggers lunch and while I know a great deal about you, you never asked me a single question either... that's pretty odd...two women our age having a conversation would usually ask each other questions about both our lives, but I had Nina's experience of you...you talked about yourself for 15 mins. You were very pleasant, I might add ... but then, in my experience, people talking about themselves are usually pleasant, that's human nature. I wonder if you even realise that you showed little or no interest in at least two other people at that lunch? It does say something significant about you, like it or not.

On the other hand, Ninaschen put herself out to the extent of spending a stamp inviting you and through you, your friend femalepersuasion, to the lunch that the Melbourne bloggers organised ... we all agreed that you be invited at our (or Nina's) expense ... and what do we get in return? accusations, bullying, demands to know the names of our friends, etc etc...it doesn't seem a fair deal to me, and many people on this blog have told FP so.

If you guys really want to attend a Melbourne blogger's lunch, organise one and send out a general invitation for people to join you. In addition, send personal invitations using your own stamps, like we did. Just take the initiative, do it instead of complaining about how it's done, and have a great time with all the people who will turn up. I wish you the very best of luck with it, I really do.

Finally, a lot of us are not "popping in" from time to time to take a shot at someone, as you implied. The reason we appear from time to time is that we are in relationships, as well as working and looking after families, and we only have time to read the blogs occasionally. I would far rather spend time with my man than read femalepersuasion's posts daily .... it's a question of priorities.

Good luck with your summer...I hope you find happiness.

Posted by: waterbombe at January 29, 2008 9:42 PM

Istj54, for what it's worth, I have never thought you were a bully or nasty. If you are indeed leaving us - even for a while - nice to have known you. I shall miss your posts and good luck in your life.

Posted by: malsie at January 29, 2008 9:03 PM

Diamondblue2...think seriously before you start any relationship based on sex alone. You need to be a very strong person with "absolutely" no feelings for the man. If there are any flutters of something I warn you not to go there. You will be devestated by the experience and inevitable outcomes.

I am also pleased that ninaschen showed such openness and honesty. I apologise, ninaschen, if I did not get to talk to you as much as I should have. On my memory we had started a conversation where you did ask me lots of questions and then I asked you about your work...and then lots of people started to arrive at the same time and we were interrupted. The time then just flew and we all did say it didn't seem long enough to get to everyone and next time we should move around more.

By the time I was set to start writing to you the nastiness had appeared on the blogs between FP and Waterbombe...that kind of put a spanner in our correspondence as I knew you two were close.
I do sincerely apologise for what you have found to be a slight. It was certainly not intended as I would have loved to have found out more about you. I always admire and enjoy your posts. They are funny and insightful and kind hearted.
I also didn't have enough time to have along chat with Malsie and Auntykaz, but as you know the day did fly by.
Sorry...and yes, I guess I did think that you may have given me an invite on the blogs...we all go into child sometimes.

Woodnwine...I do enjoy your postings and don't think you are always nice...as I know that I am not always nice...but you are a true gentleman. That is probably a better word for you. Nice is wishy-washy and you are not that:)

I now apologise to all on these blogs who have found me to be a bully and nasty. This was never my intent, but that is what you mostly must think of me.
I am not sorry that I was the only person to come to the defence of someone attacked by people who just pop on to do so.

Well it is adieu from me and I wish you all the best of luck in your searches.

I know I have said goodbye before and will likely be back but I will take arest form all this petulance for at least the rest of summer.

I must admit, too, that I have made some wonderful friendships and pen-pals here on the blogs...but we have no rules!

Posted by: istj54 at January 29, 2008 7:04 PM

Evening all ...

Just wanted to say thank you for Sunday night's cyber-dinner. It was something I have never done before so a big thanks to willow, chef extraodinaire and to all my beautiful fellow dining companions, dressed all in their finery, thank you for a wonderful experience.

By the way, most of the frogs came hopping back but there is still one on the loose - if anyone sees it can they please send him home.

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 29, 2008 6:51 PM

Since becoming an adult, I have taken great pleasure in becoming friends with whom I want,how I want,with however many I want,and when I want.
Last I heard this was a free world,and I needed noone's permission,guidance, or justification to do so.

Posted by: graceandcharm at January 29, 2008 6:43 PM

Femalepersuasion, regarding your post on January 28, 2008 at 8:46 AM, I'm a little concerned about your reaction to a group of people who have developed friendships through this site. As this is primarily a dating site, and for a while any blogs which were not on topic were being deleted, why would you begrudge these people their friendships? As you yourself stated, "Friendship or special interest groups are normal and healthy. It's nice to feel you belong and fit in. It's good to know you have friends to hang out with. Being part of a group can help people develop relationship skills, feel close to others, get and give support, share ideas, discover what's important to them, and have fun.
Usually, friendship groups form around the things people have in common, whether they be work colleagues or even individuals that have the experience of being on a dating site such as RSVP.
The people in these groups feel they have a place where they are welcome and supported, and where they can be themselves, quirks and all."

I do not believe that I am part of a 'clique', nor is there any secret handshake or code to gain entry with the people whom I am friends with. However, everyone practices some form of discrimination when it comes to people that they are friends with. It may be because of vastly differing opinions, backgrounds, or just plain gut feelings. I have been excluded from many groups because of my personality. I don't begrudge that, because I would not have felt comfortable interacting with those people. I'm sure that if you were to become part of an online group of friends, that there would be people who you would not like to enter into that group, because of personal differences. Would that make you an elitist, secretive clique, or someone who wants to surround themselves with friendly and supportive friends?

Just so you know, I am a member of several online groups. One is RSVP, one is MSN, another is ICQ, I am a moderator on a Forum, as well as being on Facebook. I have different friends in each group. Why should that make me part of an elitist clique, if I'm deliberately not inviting you to be one of my friends in any of those groups?

Posted by: wraecca at January 29, 2008 6:22 PM

DB2 - that's not what all men want.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 29, 2008 6:20 PM

DB2, its not clear what you are wanting discussed. WnW asked you a Q too.
If that's all you want it could be cool.

Posted by: lamuse at January 29, 2008 5:31 PM

OK--here's the next diary entry. I phoned him again and said "let's just have a sexual relationship." He said: "I have never heard that before, that is very interesting."

And so, do you think he will call back? now that I have offered him "what men really want"? Maybe not--a woman who knows men and doesn't play games is such a threat.

Guys--here is your chance to say what is really happening for you. eg-- he loved to have me hold him like a child..and that was OK with me--anyone want to talk about this?

Posted by: diamondblue2 at January 29, 2008 4:49 PM

I go away for weekend, and when I get back, I find out that I am a member of a Clique!!!!! And if you are a member of said clique...why do you still need to be on RSVP????

what happened?

sooo forgive if i seem to have had a blonde moment but I thought....
I am on RSVP to meet the "one that is meant for me" and I find the blogs a lot of fun! weelll most of the time, am really pleased that I have been away!

I am in another group, that is a private group for likeminded people , who are interested in making friends and maintaining friendships.

Now, FRIENDS is the important word here. It is about friendship, respect, privacy, fun and trust.
It is not a pickup place, we do not chase men, we invite people, both male and female to join. I have invited both.

We have to know and feel trust for those invited, so I am deeply dissappointed that FP is rubbishing the group on hearsay, from a male that would not be welcome in any group that I am a member of, mainly because he has broken the privacy!!!

We are all adults and we respect the privacy of other members, which allows for free and real blogging. We do not blab about other members, tell secrets, or repeat information to others.

It is like any other group, club or organisation, there are rules. If you break the rules you are out. There is no leader, we are equal, and we can vote or veto as we see fit.

Really, I am mystified that a day was spent on this stuff. Do you all talk about your local, football, lions, rsl, clubs is a similar fashion????

And...anyone can start up and organise a bloggers catch up in any city or town in Australia....so if you want to go to one, get off your butt, spend some stamps and organise or get involved in one!!!!

WnW, jenjen, today and willow, you are all correct in your views....it is something like live and let live and try to be nice as it is a much more attractive trait than sour grapes....jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at January 29, 2008 3:31 PM

Posted by: woodnwine at January 29, 2008 2:32 PM

And if this is the one lover you ended up 'in a relationship' (your words) with, perhaps it was a bad call. Keep us posted.

Posted by: lamuse at January 29, 2008 2:59 PM

DB2 - Let us know how it goes .... had you seen him many times before this "incident"?

Posted by: woodnwine at January 29, 2008 2:32 PM

HARDONYOU BLUE 2

Sorry gal. And I thought it was just Tuesdayitis had got your goat. Sometimes I forget how strong most women are.

No wonder M's post at 9.04am got right up your nose. Must have seemed to be aimed straight at you.
And thank you very much for sharing your undeserved pain.

Hope you can find someone ten times more deserving, and soon. After Mr Distractable gets his parting broadside.

A customer has just found me, scratching around in the office looking for brains or breakfast before midday, so I'm really off now. Sorry I also was, at 11.11am.

Posted by: timewarp1 at January 29, 2008 1:17 PM

I'm just going to phone him again now . ... stay tuned people.

Posted by: diamondblue2 at January 29, 2008 1:09 PM

dyingforablue2 - I've had exactly the same so it works both ways. You sometimes wonder why some people are on here, don't you?

Posted by: woodnwine at January 29, 2008 12:56 PM

DB2, I know exactly what you mean..apparently one is not allowed to have ANY expectations whatsoever. I would say lesson learned, don't be around next time and be on the mobile.

Posted by: lamuse at January 29, 2008 12:54 PM

wnw: weak, stupid and pretentious?? All I said was I don't like people who are tooooooo nice. Where did you get those other meanings?

Posted by: diamondblue2 at January 29, 2008 12:54 PM

Slightsynchronicity: the best name on RSVP. Beautiful.

I know--emotional intelligence and wit. mmmmmm.
But now I have to add something else, because I just had a phone call from someone who said he would see me on Monday (because he had gone to Rottnest -- a beautiful island just of the coast of Perth--with his mates and he expected to be back on Sunday). Clueless, I stayed home all day yesterday and played on the blogs, waiting for the call.

So I rang him this morning, just to find out if I should wait by the phone or get on with some kind of life . . . and he said . . . . .wait for it . . . . .
"I didn't say I WOULD see you on Monday--I said I would see you IF we got back on Sunday. And I couldn't charge my mobile at Rottnest, ...so I couldn't call you . . . and sure, I enjoyed your company (oh baby I gave you so much more than company...) but you sem to be wanting something more permanent than I can provide. . . .. blah blah and blah.

I replied: no, the anxiety about a permanent relationship is all in your head--I hadn't even thought about US past Monday. But Monday was important to me. You could have phoned me on a land line from the pub, or used one of your mates' phones . . . . .

wHATEVER . . . . .. . is there anybody out there . . . .feeling something . . .

don't hold back. . . .

It's a song, BTW . . . .

Posted by: diamondblue2 at January 29, 2008 12:44 PM

dyingforablue2 - I don't pretend to be nice and I'm no moron either. I know how to stand up for myself when it's called for but I don't believe in arguing, particularly with people I don't even know. Look up nice in the dictionary and I'm sure you'll find it doesn't mean, weak, stupid, or pretentious.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 29, 2008 12:22 PM

slightsync - that's good to hear ....
"And seriously women don't care about bodies as much as they do about emotional intelligence and wit. I'm not joking." .... I can stop lifting those dam weights 3 times a week .... it was boring anyway.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 29, 2008 12:18 PM

And seriously women don't care about bodies as much as they do about emotional intelligence and wit. I'm not joking.

Signing off now

db2 (don't get me mixed up with brilliantblue--no relation.

My sentiments exactly db2.

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 29, 2008 11:58 AM

PS: And 'bye from me too. Got a new interstate travel addiction to feed.

Now where did I leave those customers on Friday arvo? Mondayitis I can handle, after frequent practice for 60 years, but Tuesdayitis is the pits, even if you're not in Perth. Seeyez all.

Posted by: timewarp1 at January 29, 2008 11:24 AM

HARDBLUE 2

Not nice, gal. Sorry you're feeling bad about having to leave the sandpit and go earn your living, but why do you have to take it out on Michael?

I understand your own wish for a man who's strong enough to make you eat out of his hand and like it, but Michael's way out of reach in BrisVegas.

On behalf of all the interstate RSVP males who are less masterful than delightful, I admonish you to put red cordial in your school drink bottle, girl, and wash your mouth out with it at big lunch. Then we'll all feel better.

Posted by: timewarp1 at January 29, 2008 11:11 AM

It's safe now, you can all come out and do your thang, truly.

Posted by: diamondblue2 at January 29, 2008 10:23 AM

DB2.............just curious but why is it necessary to be nasty, or to use the F word, in your posts to someone. I have met woodnwine at Brissy bloggers get togethers and he is a very articulate friendly and genuine person. He is not pretending to be nice, he is nice !
And what is so wrong with being a nice person ??

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 29, 2008 10:20 AM

Bye all, I have a life to live--but it was (kind of) fun playing on the blogs for a while.

Stay nice.

Posted by: diamondblue2 at January 29, 2008 10:19 AM

OH nina I though you were an angel--good to see you are a human.
Re istj.

Posted by: diamondblue2 at January 29, 2008 9:35 AM

Posted by: willow1059 at January 28, 2008 11:59 PM

Willow If you visit here between sets, are you working out at home, or do you use wifi at the gym? (And with that question I leave myself open for Willow's usual play on words..)

Posted by: lamuse at January 29, 2008 9:26 AM

Sure would woodnwine.......one day.........sigh..........

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 29, 2008 9:15 AM

Well, what a weekend .... see what happens to people without partners on long weekends. Wouldn't it be better to be out enjoying ourselves with someone nice instead of sitting on our computers looking for something to complain about? Oh to dream ........

Posted by: woodnwine at January 29, 2008 9:04 AM

morning today122 .... I think we are safe now to come out and play. It is going to be another gorgeous day down in here in sunny Melbourne.

Have a good day everyone ....

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 29, 2008 8:21 AM

morning all.
Is the coast clear now?
The moderators obviously don't work public holidays.
C'mon people - don't take this so seriously - it's a blog, not life and death. And not worth all the vitriol that was spilled all over the keyboards.
Have a laugh, shrug your shoulders, live and let live - whatever.
It's gonna be a beautiful day here in Brisvegas, and wherever - so enjoy it! Even if it is back to work, but hey even that's pretty good.

Posted by: today122 at January 29, 2008 8:07 AM

VICKY DU: Me come to Melbourne? In nest month?

Flattery will get you everywhere, dear child, but I don't know if it will get me from Brisbane to Melbourne in ten days time.

That will take plane fares, and I have already just about maxed my credit card.

I have also had the honour of invitations to this particular gabfest from several other delightful Vicfemmes that I've recently emailed (although they unfortunately weren't on my shopping list, for geographical and/or temporal reasons, FP. Blokes also email girls they don't have in their sights, you know.)

I could also justify 2 or 3 weekdays in Melb. in Feb, to visit prospective new customers, and commission and photograph a recent chandelier hoist that will be installed there later this week. (Sent the kit down, last week.)

I will consult with/demolish my piggy bank to see about the airfares, but would need a piece of rentless carpet for about 4-5 nights. Preferably without furballs, but a kitty-litter tray in the toilet is OK. Don't go there often during the night, yet, although I'm house-broken.

Posted by: timewarp1 at January 29, 2008 2:31 AM

TWO EYES

Thank you for your erudition, sir.

For your information only, I am now almost exactly egalitarian, but with a pacifist's slight leaning towards philogyny, rather than any significant mysandry - except for a low regard for richardcrania, and an even lower tolerance for what the British Press refers to as "Lager Louts". Do you know the scientific name? It escapes me at the moment.

But I must admit to feelings of significantly strong mysandry when reminded of the more extreme forms of pouftacontusion.

Twoeyes: it is most gratifying to be able to blogwaffle among one's tertiary (perhaps quarternary) peers at last, once the querulous peccadillos of the emotionally-juvenile are absent. Nightowls united!

Posted by: timewarp1 at January 29, 2008 1:57 AM

Timewarp... you are a sage and I truly hope to meet you in Melbourne nest month.

Posted by: victoriadownunder at January 29, 2008 1:22 AM

OMG Twoeyes... a philosopher AND a chef???? How are you still single?? I look forward to seeing you again at the Blog lunch.

And no, we are not a clique... we are a groop (spelling error intentional) of friends who actually enjoy each others company.

I may rot in hell for saying this, but I have thoroughly enjoyed today's argie bargie - it has been a most entertaining read!!!

Posted by: victoriadownunder at January 29, 2008 1:13 AM

re INFLATED SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT:

Forgot to include in my last post about this tonight, my 2003 senryu on this topic:

GIVE AND TAKE

Beautiful people
look for presents,
but the plain
are glad to go Dutch.

- from my 2nd book of verse, page 37.

I'm glad I never thought the world owed me a living. Makes me quite comfortable about the need to EARN anything I might fancy, including Ms Right-Enuff who thinks I'm Mr Right-Enuff.

Anyone seen her around? (Her description, plus some wish-wish extra bits, are in my Profile. Also be advised: mutual rewards apply.)

PS: DIAMONDBLUE 2: No way am I a woman-hater. I really like nearly all of the women I've met, (and maybe half of the blokes.)

But when I see a person of either gender being counter-productive to a group, and even more-unfortunately, doing it by self-sabotaging, I counsel her to pull her horns in. For everyone's sake.

And as an effective manager, I prefer "public praise, but private blame." Thought about that tonight, actually, but decided she'd humiliated herself so much today that I'd save the stamp.

Only one RSVP date for this week so far, so I hope to use the rest of my current batch of stamps (am up to about No. 150 so far) on chatting up the possible, rather than preaching to the unimproveable.

Posted by: timewarp1 at January 29, 2008 1:04 AM

Philogyny is deep admiration for women. An antonym of misogyny.

The term has also been associated with gynocentrism and female supremacism, but as a movement, philogynism can also be considered an apolitical philosophical alternative to egalitarianism and feminism: a way of venerating the embodiment of human attributes identifiable as feminine, physically, mentally and spiritually. It is a personal approach to living and acting a certain way as opposed to a position that demands political change. It is not goal-oriented, but more a set of ideals according to which one lives.

A small group of bloggers (male of course ) can be associated with this term. We love women in all forms and shapes and sizes, and as such have this set of ideals................and we know who we are.

BUT are we clickey????????????

Posted by: twoeyes at January 29, 2008 12:48 AM

just to clear things up...............

Misogyny....is hatred or strong prejudice against women; an antonym of philogyny. Those holding misogynistic beliefs can be of either sex. Although misogyny is sometimes confused with misanthropy, the terms are not interchangeable, for the latter refers more generally to the hatred of humanity. A concept related to misogyny is gynophobia, the fear of women, but not necessarily hatred of them. The obsolete Latin language term horror feminae (literally "fear of women)[1] may be seen used as a synonym both for misogyny and gynophobia.

Misogyny is considered by most feminist theories as an implicit motivation of political ideologies that justify and maintain the subordination of women to men. Such ideologies are typically called sexism, by analogy with racism and antisemitism. Misogyny is, therefore, often associated with anti-woman sexism, as misandry is associated with anti-man sexism.

hope this helps.............lol

Posted by: twoeyes at January 29, 2008 12:44 AM

ISTJ - Despite well-meaning advice to do so, I just can't hold my tongue anymore. You have made a couple of digs about the lunch issue and clique thing which I would like to address.

Perhaps you have forgotten that when the first Melbourne lunch was planned, I posted on the blogs directly to you, asking if you wanted to come. Apparently, you didn't see the invitation and didn't respond. Fair enough. When the second lunch was planned, I spent a stamp on you to make sure you were aware of it and would therefore be included. The reason I did that was because I enjoyed your posts and I was keen to meet you.

I enjoyed catching up with you. I learned something of you and your life. I doubt you learned anything about me and mine, though, as you didn't ask one question about either. Nevertheless, I thought we parted amicably. That was the last I heard from you apart from a couple of comments in passing on the blogs. Then, when the invitation went on the blogs for the upcoming lunch, you pointedly said 'thanks for the personal invitation but I am unable to make it' or words to that effect. The message that gave me was that you felt slighted that you didn't receive a 'personal' invitation. The invitation was an open one to everyone, you included. We are hardly friends, ISTJ, as demonstrated by your lack of communication since the last lunch, so a personal invitation was hardly warranted. But you and anyone else would have been most welcome.

Now, because of the recent nastiness and the threats made to disrupt the lunch, the 'open' invitation has been withdrawn. We wanted to be inclusive of everyone and have learned a hard lesson from all this. It should be made clear that this is not an official RSVP thing. It is a group of people who met through the blogs, became friends and thought it would be nice to be inclusive of others. It won't happen again. Oh, unless you and FP organise something. Good luck with that!

I am away for a few days so should any comments be directed at me, I would like it known that I am not avoiding issues but I will respond on my return.

Posted by: ninaschen at January 29, 2008 12:43 AM

And real. Good on you.

Posted by: diamondblue2 at January 29, 2008 12:34 AM

Excellent, twoeyes, a sense of humour, a sense of the ridiculous, is always comforting.

Posted by: diamondblue2 at January 29, 2008 12:31 AM

googled it and cant find a meaning, but that doesnt mean that it doesnt exist.........does it?

Thought about it and in reality there isnt much knawing away at me. Sure i dont have a partner, my car is in crisis,i have little money in the bank, but am reasonably happy with life, cos i have a jopb that i love, some very nice and close friends, and a sense of humour...........

Posted by: twoeyes at January 29, 2008 12:24 AM

Oh timewarp--you are a misogynist too, aren't you.

Posted by: diamondblue2 at January 29, 2008 12:22 AM

Jenjen--truly, that is realy great-- how come you don't have anything eating away at you? Is there anyone else like Jenjen? I would really like to know. I am not being sarcastic, as I can be, because I am bitter and disillusioned. I really do want to know what it would be like to not feel constantly regretful and sad. Anyone else?

anyone found the meaning of "satement" yet?

Posted by: diamondblue2 at January 29, 2008 12:16 AM

Hi all. Sick of working while you're all playing, so had a squiz. And saw why today's feature article (8.46am) had got me in. It was the title, which should of course have been

HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE a woman not invited to the party/clique/cult.

I was the firstborn apple of my mother's eye. For 3 idyllic years, till No. 2 came along. Spastic (Ceb.Pal. to you, waterbombe) plus projectile vomiting etc. Took my mother every waking hour to keep him alive for the first year, but my nose was truly out of joint at being suddenly on the outer.

Went to boarding school at 11 and was again on the outer because coming top in class and 2nd in the 100-yard sprint was nothing, if you weren't a football hero.

The only thing that cheered me up was Groucho Marx' famous quote "I wouldn't want to be in any club that would accept me as a member."

So I understand how cruelly rejected PEMALE PERS feels about not being a foundation or early member of every group that has heard that she exists, or vice versa.

That's why I mentioned in my 12.38pm post today that there are significant barriers to entry into every group that has any significant esprit de corps. Doesn't matter who you are - it's who they are.

And I seem to remember from 'Industrial Psychology for Neanderthals 1' in 1966 (which I passed with a C - the other 56 in the class failed), that the cooler the group think they are, the higher are the barriers to entry.

I knew that already from high school. Several other lesser gangs wanted me, but I wanted to be one of the Top Cats, or nothing.

So I tried to reassure Pemale Pers with "I think it boils down to this - if you want in, for whatever reason, it costs you to get in, and it costs you to stay in.

So you pay the price, or you give it a miss, and in either case, you put up with the ongoing cost of that decision (you made), WITHOUT COMPLAINT."

ANOTHER 2 peace-making blokes supported me:

"If people want to form private friendships they are allowed to ... and it doesn't hurt anyone else."
Posted by: woodnwine at January 28, 2008 2:50 PM

"Friendships are earned by trust and effort - they are not a right." Willow, 3pm

FEMALE PERS: Do you feel good that you have replaced Willow as the centre of attention all day today?

Even though your barrage of posts has drawn universal condemnation from a large number of the frequent bloggers, BECAUSE those following posts showed you in such a negative light - a very severe judge might even detect a slight whiff of paranoia, as well as your dangerously inflated sense of entitlement, located where a willingness to pay the entry fee is found, in ordinary people.

IMANENIGMA @ 4.07pm

"Just say nothing and show more cleavage!"

Mate, Today 122 is wrong. That was not helpful at all. No way. A cheap shot. Female Pers is a writer, and she should be allowed to show her mates on the blogs the drafts of her magazine articles, before she tries to flog them to Dolly or whoever.

To get some honest (if not always complimentary) feedback. Better an honest rubbish from a mate than a $$ knockback by a publisher, I reckon.

And she's told us today that she's already got a lot of fellers queuing up for dates, so forget the bit about cleavage. She's already got the best cleavage that I've seen on an open thumbnail in RSVP. Quite delectable.

Mate, for her to flash any more frontage would be overkill, as well as even-more-unfair competition to the less well-endowed and less-frequently dated whom she disparages so loudly, whenever she's feeling most desperate.

Gotta write another Price Quotation before dawn - better be now. Seeyez all anon.

Posted by: timewarp1 at January 29, 2008 12:16 AM

Word of the week: "satement":

Anyone want to have a go at its meaning?

See the bloggers dictionary if you are not sure.

Posted by: diamondblue2 at January 29, 2008 12:02 AM

TC the undisputable Leader of the Gang.....or wait was that TopCat the cartoon........Boom Boom indeed TC.........K

Posted by: auntykaz at January 29, 2008 12:01 AM

La Muse, good to hear you hit the iron. It shows in you pic.... vitality.

I tend to do a couple of sets, pop in for a quick read, then another couples of sets, etc.

Must admit, the conversation is normally more pleasant. Perhaps Tuesday will be better.

Twoeyes, on the positive side (if there is one) it would appear whatever stress you had at work is less than that here today.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 28, 2008 11:59 PM

I love coming home from a days hard work and find that the long running daytime soap has continued............but without the change of a story line.

I read the last post then go to the beginning and read the first of the day and then use my imagination to piece together what has happened during my absence

Then at random i read some of what has been written during the day, and can work out that nothing has changed in this soapie.

People still hate people, people still accuse people of stuff that they didnt do, people still try to justify their existence . by defaming others and creating trouble and stife , whereever they go.

I LOVE IT JUST WHAT I NEED TO GET RID OF THE STRESS AFTER 10 HRS OFF WORK, that plus a glass or 10 of chardy.................... KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK GANG..

Posted by: twoeyes at January 28, 2008 11:33 PM

WOW, I have only commented in here a few times and have always found you guys (generic guys referring to all commenters) to be welcoming, commenting to my questions and not the least bit elitist or "cliquey".

My view here is that the issue is not with the regular group of commenters here. these blogs were set up so we could all comment.

For those who check profiles of commenters mine is hidden at the moment cos I have been on a couple of dates with a new contact from RSVP and like to keep my contact to one person at a time.

Posted by: butterflies1966 at January 28, 2008 10:44 PM

Willow, just wanted to say that I pump iron too...love it.

Posted by: lamuse at January 28, 2008 10:37 PM

@ Diamond blue2- "the angry ones need to be loved too" .......Ahh... no! ....They need to get "un-angry" and THEN they will be loved!.... Being nasty is not the most attractive quality a person can have and as many potential dates will read & learn more about us from these posts than can be learnt from our profile it pays to be honest and polite. However, if you are one of these "tuff chics" with the "they can take me or leave me attitude" dont be surprised if they do!!

Posted by: imanenigma at January 28, 2008 10:26 PM

Perhaps a unicycle riding narcissist with Tourette syndrome would be more to your liking?? :) :)

Posted by: jovial67 at January 28, 2008 10:16 PM

LOL

Posted by: lamuse at January 28, 2008 10:22 PM

I just can't hack it when people are tooooooo nice. Somehow I prefer the angry ones. At least they have a sense of humour.
Posted by: diamondblue2 at January 28, 2008 9:15 PM

What the...????????

Perhaps a unicycle riding narcissist with Tourette syndrome would be more to your liking?? :) :)

Posted by: jovial67 at January 28, 2008 10:16 PM

Just got in.

FP, to answer your question, I said that your piece seemed passive aggressive because it was having an indirect 'go' at all those folks you accuse of being exclusive and want named by writing an essay for us about cliques to 'discuss.' If you are studying psych and will have a Masters, then you ought to know that having an indirect go at people is a passive means of directing feelings of anger. That is why I asked if you had spoken to the people in question about your feelings. You answered that by saying yes you had...well clearly you did not get satisfaction nor was it settled for you.

In any case I agree with everyone else ..you made your point, its time to move on. And you're right, I have not read all your past posts you listed as I have only recently joined in here.

DB2, sorry to have missed brunch and then afternoon tea in WA...we had a brilliant day over here which I enjoyed floating in a pool, and then a bit of tennis. And I know what you mean about being tooo nice!

WnW, and Willow, good to hear your steadying voices when reading back over this afternoon's writings. Ditto Jenjen and a few others.

Posted by: lamuse at January 28, 2008 10:15 PM

Posted by: imanenigma at January 28, 2008 4:07 PM

Thank goodness your back we have missed you!

Posted by: mstingle at January 28, 2008 10:11 PM

Me too, I'll stick to trying to be nice. Can't say that I achieve it all the time but a muzzle works well on those occasions.

Posted by: sue4you at January 28, 2008 9:44 PM

Posted by: willow1059 at January 28, 2008 1:42 PM

Love your poems!

Posted by: mstingle at January 28, 2008 9:43 PM

Nice is always preferable to angry I reckon woodnwine, and there are plenty of nice people with a sense of humour db2.
And I have to disagree db2, we do not all have things eating away at us. Best to let those things go or they eat you up and/or make one very disagreeable.

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 28, 2008 9:38 PM

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 28, 2008 1:39 PM

I have not spoken to anyone else about you post today.

I agree with Timewarp1 even that the Clique post was a good one and raised very good and valid points that people should note, or did you skip past my satement inrgard to my opening.

My point was that there was a missile also in the post that you had added to what would have otherwise been a great post and that was to say an example of the sort of negativity a clique can bring about, in so many words was: Girl I was not the only one to read this. If you do not realise it then you have serious problems.

You want me to back it up, I will give you back the lines with this missile. I am just surprised that you are not capable of going back to what you have written yourself and see it. Don't tell me your mind is not aware of what your mouth is saying?

Here is the missile:

"Some friendship groups seem pretty flexible and welcome people to join in. Others seem much more restricted, though. People in these groups make it clear that not just anyone can be part of their crowd. *As is the case with the private blog group that has evolved from this site. That type of restricted group is sometimes called a clique*". Astrix added to highlight attack.

FP the post would have been a really good one to use I really think it was a goody except for you naming some RSVP members of an example of a clique this for your own sake should have been left out.

Grow up if people don't want me or I am not invited bad luck. If I feel low because of it, it is my responsibilty tom ask myself why and work on my esteem to get it where it should be.

If you felt left out, look to yourself for the answers, why you feel so inadequate becuase you may not have been invited or anyone else for that matter.

Posted by: mstingle at January 28, 2008 9:37 PM

I for one will stick with being nice. It might make me less desrireable to a woman who wants a challenging or illusive man but it makes me a calmer person. One day ............ I hope I will meet someone who is happy with that. Until then, I'll just blog and hope.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 28, 2008 9:33 PM

I just can't hack it when people are tooooooo nice. Somehow I prefer the angry ones. At least they have a sense of humour. We all have things eating away at us. Some handle it by being serious and loving to everyone and very "nice". Some don't. The angry ones need to be loved too.

I'm walking up to the surf club now to watch the news on Channel 2.

Posted by: diamondblue2 at January 28, 2008 9:15 PM

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 28, 2008 1:25 PM

Hi FP you said to back up what I said in past posts. It is pretty hard to do unless you kept something a few weeks ago backs hundreds of post unless you intended to use it for some purpose.

I have tried my best to remember exactly what you said but at the time you may not have mentioned any names as you say 'you don't name people you say things in general'

However the way you bagged others in general in regard to 'if they were over weight or not so attractive you wondered why they were wasting there time on RSVP if they were not up to scratch. This may not be naming anyone but really why say such a spitful thing.

Psychologist should know to reference all peices,that are used and there is protocal in regard to quoting unpublished or peer works, so if you are nearing the end of your studies, I am very surprised that you are not aware of this!

Now I want you to think back to a post I wrote to you and it was something like this 'after reading your post, I just had to check out your profile and darn! Your profile and photo's look great.

You had written very uncompationate narrow minded views on the less desirable and I was wanting to look at your profile and photo's and say hey! girl why do you think you are so great with a profile and photo's like you have but was unable to.

I will always give credit where credit is due but I will never be happy about attacks on others naming other people or not.

Posted by: mstingle at January 28, 2008 9:12 PM

We all have, my point exactly

Posted by: sue4you at January 28, 2008 9:07 PM

Anyone else had to deal with life and death for the past 25 years?

Posted by: diamondblue2 at January 28, 2008 8:59 PM

Well, who IS this guy next to me with the suitcase and the blow-up doll?

Sorry, you guys just go ahead with whatever it is you do best . . . hope somebody laughed.

Posted by: diamondblue2 at January 28, 2008 8:54 PM

Gee it looks like it has been fun on the blog today, lol:) My last post was approximately 1.09pm and I went of for the day at the beach and socialising and low and behold after all this time a real winner has been evident all day, by the look of the post's.

Posted by: mstingle at January 28, 2008 8:52 PM

I agree with WnW, life is too short to hate people. Criticism that is destructive is destructive not only to the receiver but also to the person who gives out the vitriol. Every time one vents this way it eats away at your being.

As a new blogger it is quite disturbing to see the blogs drop to this level. Please, for everyone’s sake, could everyone just move on.

The old cliché, if you can’t speak nicely don’t speak at all. There’s a difference between having a different opinion to someone and verbally attacking each other. And yes, not knowing the history behind all this, maybe I am being naïve but after dealing with life and death situations for the last 25years this is really not worth having such a bun fight over.

Posted by: sue4you at January 28, 2008 8:51 PM

db2 you peeked, I was just joking about leaving you to watch a movie. I though you had fallen asleep. I'm on my way back to watch the sun set in the western sky.

My virtual lover does not have a name since I have not yet found her. Perhaps she was on the plane somewhere?

Posted by: willow1059 at January 28, 2008 8:45 PM

Bit hot in here still.

Channel 2 sounds good.

Willow wishes you better spirits in the morning. Goodnight.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 28, 2008 8:40 PM

Well, it's 6.30 and willow and his virtual lover and I are having fish and chips on the beach. We have a lap top, so we can still enjoy the happiness and laughter on the blogs (when it happens).

The sea breeze is in, the champagne cork has popped, the bubbles are flowing down the side of the bottle--come on willow, if you are not careful, some of it might actually get into my plastic glass.

And your virtual lover is gorgeous. What is her name again?

Posted by: diamondblue2 at January 28, 2008 8:35 PM

I have noticed that about you Woodnwine...you are accepting and respectful at all times...not naive, nice:)

Posted by: istj54 at January 28, 2008 8:32 PM

Personally, I find it hard to really dislike anyone or to shut them out. Can never have too many friends. Naive? Probably.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 28, 2008 8:26 PM

Channel two: Black and White

Posted by: istj54 at January 28, 2008 8:22 PM

Peace and love everyone ..... just enjoy life. Don't get upset .... it just gets you upset. OK, what movies are on tonight?