RSVP Blog

Okay Willlow...I'll accept but of course it's going to cost you big time - best make the dessert a real treat and I'll have a double dose. Depending on the drink of choice I could be a little more wishful than usual, not much chance I'd be more thoughtful though :)

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 24, 2008 7:24 AM

Once in my life I have felt that spark that ijst54 mentioned...at work also...by bumping into someone as well. Funny that.

Goodnight to all of you...got much planned for Australia Day???

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 24, 2008 1:49 AM

Just ENERGY Slightsync...nothing planned...I hope to do "nothing".

Bob, I think you are the "naughty" one:))

Willow, I'll get back to you after I've watched Sesame Street...

Posted by: istj54 at January 24, 2008 3:41 AM

Hi All,

Well just got home from a night out at the pub with the boys and have to say...what a major disappointment this has turned out to be...hoping to read that WB and FP had sorted their differences and would be best mates next time they met.....another difference between men and women!!!

Anyway, doesn't really matter what I say girls...you cant cut 'em off, I was married for 13 years, so you will have to sew 'em back on first!!!

Willow,

Hate to say it, but you are starting to look a bit greedy there; all those fine young ladies and only you and Woody!!!

Istj54,

You are a very naughty girl....and no, not a chance I will be at the door waiting to leave; people actually pay money for this sort of entertainment.

I could say the way to a womans heart is through a mans wallet, but then I would sound bitter and twisted and dont really want to give that information away about myself yet.....DOHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at January 24, 2008 1:53 AM

There is no definite answer, but I do wish women would value the sexual aspects of a relationship--and therefore value what men are trying to say to us. (Believe me, I haven't always thought about things this way).

Humour is probably the most important human quality. Relax and laugh and forget what you should, or should not be doing.

db

Posted by: diamondblue2 at January 18, 2008 12:09 PM

If I knew then what I know now. Well db, I'm trying to fathom guys. Am in agreement with you and would like to know what guys are trying to say to women. Good point for sure. Does that go back to
1. show up naked
2. bring beer
3. bring food

Or am I missing the point here? (I'm kidding actually).

Interesting post ODE : )))) and I am undecided on my thoughts about chemistry between men and women.

Once in my life I have felt that spark that ijst54 mentioned...at work also...by bumping into someone as well. Funny that.

Goodnight to all of you...got much planned for Australia Day???

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 24, 2008 1:49 AM

Posted by: istj54 at January 23, 2008 7:18 PM

No I am not coming unless this is a pleasant surprise to me!

Posted by: mstingle at January 24, 2008 1:35 AM

samanthabrit: ha ha, I think. Well you could try standing up then I guess. Noone wants to lose their house again. Some bloggers have mentioned seperate houses for both the man and woman. Reckon its the 4th time I have mentioned it and other bloggers have also. You do not actually have to have someone move in with you, you know. Hope we can all grow old gracefully, or disgracefully...each to their own taste. Oh and sambrit of course if not wanting to be tied down, and fear of losing another house means some men do not want relationships, well that is their choice. Personally I would like companionship and all the other stuff (intimacy etc) than the rest of my life alone. I am happy without a partner though.

Perhaps you may meet a suitable perky woman who already has a house and does not want yours!!!! Goodluck of course. Personally age is just a number to me.

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 24, 2008 1:27 AM

Posted by: waterbombe at January 23, 2008 5:09 PM

That is good to hear, everone was, just swell at the Brissyblog.

Posted by: mstingle at January 24, 2008 1:21 AM

Posted by: ninaschen at January 23, 2008 5:03 PM

So sorry you are feeling this delema!

Posted by: mstingle at January 24, 2008 1:12 AM

Will be away for 3 days as of the morning. Work. Check you all when I get back!!! Have fun and play "nice" ..

Posted by: amdoingit at January 24, 2008 12:54 AM

WnW best you accept poste haste... Spin the bottle, hmmm.. memories!!!! Last time I was into that was in my teen years.. Should be better as an adult but hey, gender balance definitely needs to be taken care of or ?????

Posted by: amdoingit at January 24, 2008 12:52 AM

NF, would you like to come instead of lazy susan?

I'm sure you would run rings around her in any case and add far more to the conversation.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 24, 2008 12:42 AM

istj, I forgot nina.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 24, 2008 12:38 AM

istj, I must admit I have lost track of who I have invited or who invited themself. Thats why I have asked you to take over this role.

I am not trying to ban men, in fact I would appreciate some help with the gender balance. I'm sure the men do not wish to sample the rich cuisine because they do not wish to induce any more of the sag that was talked about earlier.

wishful, please be moderator, I choose you for your balance between being wishful and being a thinker. We may need these skills, it is a very special role and you can contribute to the conversation and self-moderate. Is this acceptable?

invited I think are:
istj
kitten
amdoingit
junebaby
WT03
dolphin
tambelina
today
aunty
WnW (he has not accepted)
willow (me)

Posted by: willow1059 at January 24, 2008 12:36 AM

My bigpond is playing up so no "loop" for over an hour. Hope I haven't missed much.. May have to phone one of you??? Then again the person I've been on the phone to for last hour has missed out too. Nice to know I'm not an orphan!!!

Posted by: amdoingit at January 24, 2008 12:30 AM

2xi's that was mean!!!! Wait till I see you!!!! Thump!!!! "G"

Posted by: amdoingit at January 24, 2008 12:28 AM

WnW - The loop has been educational, tonight.

Posted by: ninaschen at January 23, 2008 11:18 PM

Nope WnW, everyone is off watching something on TV, but I can't find out what cos it sure isn't on my TV!

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 23, 2008 11:14 PM

nothing much on here tonight.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 23, 2008 11:05 PM

Hey Willow, how come I get to moderate?

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 23, 2008 10:51 PM

I agree, totally.

Posted by: ninaschen at January 23, 2008 10:41 PM

...your bank account twoeyes...and I always thought it was through her stomach...it is in singles in the kitchen...I suppose it could be through the eyes, if you are ttractive, the ears if you have a pleasant voice and something intelligent, amusing to say and that would go for the mouth too...could have kissable lips...I'm confused now...are they all not errogenous zones...I am now old enough to remember when a book came out called Your Erroneous Zones. I was horrified that they were loudly advertising it over the PA system in Myer...silly me...if they did that now no one would even notice.

Eroticfish...thought you were away and planning a dinner party placement would keep me amused...lazy susan is always good for a spin and for the spin the bottle and spirit of the glass...don't want to take over Willow's party games though.

Did anyone here ever do the spirit of the glass thing? They were fun times..we took it very seriously and scared ourselves sometimes...turn down the lights and ask the question...Will I meet the man of my dreams on RSVPPPPPPPPPP.....ooooohhhhh....was it a nightmare....then yes you will....spooky!

Posted by: istj54 at January 23, 2008 8:27 PM

And way too much of a lady to involve yourself in one WB..............

and the way to a womans heart is thru her bank account......................

Posted by: twoeyes at January 23, 2008 8:16 PM

gosh, Bob, I haven't had a catfight in my life, and I'm not about to start now. Not that sort of girl, dahhhling.

The dinner sounds interesting, especially the question...“Is the way to a woman’s heart most direct through her eyes, ears or mouth”. I vote for all three at once.

Posted by: waterbombe at January 23, 2008 8:01 PM

Whatever you do, do not invite lazy susan

Posted by: neuroticfish at January 23, 2008 7:39 PM

Let me see...Amdoingit, AuntyKaz, istj, junebaby, kittycat, misstingle, notgodsgift(or will he be on the door waiting to leave?) Willow, Wishful...Willow, who have you invited?... and it seems to be all women...am now thinking round table, lazy susan intead of conveyor belt and spirit of the glass with our initials for later...asking questions about future relationship matters or maybe just spin the port or champagne bottle:)) Not that I am now trying to organise anything...it's your party...just make sure there is enough food!

Posted by: istj54 at January 23, 2008 7:18 PM

Ha istj... sounds like an interesting dinner placement.
Will be well prepared with a glass of bubbles though.....as a mood setter of course...........K

Posted by: auntykaz at January 23, 2008 7:05 PM

Don't beat yourself up Nina... has nought to do with you sweet pea.. All you did was try so you gotta get points for that ok??..... X... "G"

Posted by: amdoingit at January 23, 2008 6:58 PM

I ask you all to come prepared for dinner; the subject of our conversation will be “Is the way to a woman’s heart most direct through her eyes, ears or mouth”. I felt this would be appropriate given all the earlier posts about chemistry, looks, humour and kitchen skills. Wishful 03 will be moderator.
Willow...some time today...so Kaz, Willow is the man for you if you are all ears or at least we can discuss it at dinner...I will place you opposite him for the discussion...but as a small conversation starter...the eyes,ears or mouth can lead to some interesting places but I'm not to surs about the heart...think that is the stomach?

Posted by: istj54 at January 23, 2008 6:50 PM

Bob, what a hoot.. Your 3.56p post did bring a smile to the old dial, can totally relate to the "leg" dilema in your 4.30p post and yes you are a brave man for your 5.43p post. Were you planning on issuing gloves or camera's???? No malice intended ladies, just sounded funny...

I did do a post earlier today but it didn't go on which is probably a good thing.. All I'll say now is that the group of bloggers who are going to lunch should be able to enjoy themselves (as we do) and not have to listen to a bitch fight. We are all adults and should just be able to move on so ... Either come to enjoy yourself or don't come at all.... That applies to everyone and I'm not singling anyone out so no comebacks please.. Que sera sera ok????

Posted by: amdoingit at January 23, 2008 6:50 PM

Ninaschen: rest assured I will be there with my camera and taking photos of everyone so we can then put faces to all the password protected photos.
Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 22, 2008 10:58 PM

*Will the bunny boiling be happening too?*

Smacks of a threat FP, surely you didn't mean it as a threat especially in this age of online stalking.

Posted by: trumanscat at January 23, 2008 6:46 PM

istj, kitty kitty bang bang for me to. I think is is the same thing. Will look it up next week when I am in the office after I dust the cobwebs off the cover.

Since you are good at this and your profile says so can I ask you to handle table placements and conveyour belt resupply including refreshments.

Can you seat us by riders blog first name letters, I am M. Given your liking for order perhaps start at A then go around the table in ascending order.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 23, 2008 6:44 PM

Woodnwine what is that you aren't telling us........the slide.....how to please a woman.......darl l am all ears.............K

Posted by: auntykaz at January 23, 2008 6:33 PM

...sounds like Chitty, Chitty Bang Bang to me now...but I think I have some Port left over from a past life just for such an occasion...I, too, am process driven or task oriented...is that the same thing?

Posted by: istj54 at January 23, 2008 6:19 PM

ISTJ you are in. Please bring the Port, such an enjoyable way to end a night.

Now my HBDI personality type I cannot remember, but I am lots of blue and green. Hardly any red or yellow to be seen.

I am process driven with not a creative thought in sight, you wait conveyour belts will be ready with main and dessert freshly loaded.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 23, 2008 6:13 PM

Pick me, Willow, pick me...I promise to floss...

Posted by: istj54 at January 23, 2008 6:08 PM

Waterbombe,

You misunderstand me completely. What I am saying is that if there is to be a stoush between you and FP, then let it be here....right where it started.

I for one, am not looking to get thrown out of some place as a result of a catfight......I am quite capable of getting myself thrown out.

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at January 23, 2008 6:00 PM

From willow, Part 3 - Relationship Matters “In The Kitchen, dinner with dessert” is on the way, it will be served in this forum on Sunday 27 January at 8.00PM AEST (7.30 PM Adelaide time).

amdoingit and junebaby, I think I have spare seats so you are invited as well.

I apologise for the delay, besides needing to age the steak the Hollywood writers strike is causing delays. All helpers are refusing to cross the picket line; much is at stake or is it steak.

I am endeavouring to incorporate all suggestions into the evening. As with all good Hollywood blockbusters a trailer is needed. I can tell you the dessert and after dinner parts are complete, perhaps a tear or two hundred may be shed. Oh, as requested the chef is naked (almost) and sherry will be served.

The menu is:
Entrée, nil. The main course and desert demand an empty stomach
Main, Tower de la fillet asparée
Dessert, Breast of apple pie with peachy delights
Wine, Church Block (I will need God’s blessing)
After dinner, Sherry (kitten, you choose)

I ask you all to come prepared for dinner; the subject of our conversation will be “Is the way to a woman’s heart most direct through her eyes, ears or mouth”. I felt this would be appropriate given all the earlier posts about chemistry, looks, humour and kitchen skills. Wishful 03 will be moderator.

Happy dining, by the way for the ladies dress should be seductive but not overt, for gentlemen stylish, open neck, enclosed footwear and yes pants are required including the chef who will need them before being seated. Do not forget to floss your teeth, we want broad smiles, unwanted toothy guests are not invited. Web cams will be used to ensure all guests are suitably attired.

A poem to set the scene:

I have a table that can seat eight
A feast upon which we will dine
But only one can be my date
Accompanied by joy and fine wine

Until then, farewell from willow.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 23, 2008 5:57 PM

Ok Bob, no worries. End of story, FP, no more comment.

Posted by: waterbombe at January 23, 2008 5:53 PM

Bob, you are a brave man.

Having already suffered this week myself, all I can say is I agree better left here where it started.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 23, 2008 5:49 PM

Ladies (FP & WB),

And in this corner weighing......dont go there Bob, you idiot, you'll be a dead man either way......!!

Anyway, this is where it started, this is where it should finish. A civilised written stoush here is far more becoming than a public shouting match somewhere in Melbourne.

Eric,

Take note....and you thought that you were good.....ha, amateur!!!

Bob

PS I just KNOW I am gonna regret this post.

Posted by: notgodsgift at January 23, 2008 5:43 PM

Hold your horses, Ninaschen, there's only one person who has declared their intention to come to the bloggers lunch and be trouble...the other 13 intend to come and have a good time...so you showed very good judgement overall...I think you should be congratulated.

Posted by: waterbombe at January 23, 2008 5:09 PM

WnW, the "slide" is the one Bob referred to...from the chest to the belly ... geographically speaking, our bodies all go south as we age... by south I mean down...

Unfortunately it's not a new sexual position. In fact it's a phenomenon that decreases the chance to take part in new sexual positions, apparently.

Posted by: waterbombe at January 23, 2008 5:05 PM

Muttering to self - you idiot Ninaschen, do you never learn? See what happens when you try to organise a friendly get-together for a few diverse, interesting and ADULT people? Who the hell do you think you are? Pollyanna?

Never again.

Posted by: ninaschen at January 23, 2008 5:03 PM

I'm now thinking why not the whole adventure playground? We could start on the swings, head over to the slide, onto the see-saw, try the rocking horse, take a spin on the round-a-bout and oh, my goodness...I need a nap...ha,ha...there's the difference between young and older...resilience:))

Posted by: istj54 at January 23, 2008 5:02 PM

...woodnwine, you are exciting me today what with saying you know how to really please a woman now and a new position...the slide:))

Posted by: istj54 at January 23, 2008 4:53 PM

Misswendyxx I did apologise to you at the time when I had misconstrued some of your words. But they were your 'words' I was disagreeing with at the time, not you, or how you talk or how you look. I am sorry we didn't get to talk too, as I thought you looked very happy person, with a lovely smile and very approachable. So, I apologise again for hurting you - sorry.

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 23, 2008 4:53 PM

I have said previously that even the slightest criticism can cut deep and people take things the wrong way because we don't get the full picture -- ie tone and context of the words written and the result is to jump to conclusions.

Posted by: misswendyxx at January 23, 2008 3:24 PM

This is the last I will say about this subject now...Yes, I agree Wendy. I also remember FP apologising to you as she mistook your remarks, but often it is hard to get past our initial reactions and we still carry the hurt.
That has happened to both of you.

I've been attacked here on occasion and it does hurt, even though you don't know the person, and they don't know you, it still stings.

That said, I have to say give me a healthy dose of discussion/debate/argument/disagreements/humour/wit/repartee over boring posting any day of the week!

Posted by: istj54 at January 23, 2008 4:51 PM

hence the "slide". Still, it's the only thing that works...and it does work, whatever age you are, in my opinion. So speaks a new convert.

Posted by: waterbombe at January 23, 2008 4:39 PM

Call me a dumb male but please explain the "slide". Is this a new sexual position that I need to know about?

Posted by: woodnwine at January 23, 2008 4:46 PM

Re the body thing... yep, exercise and diet (not dieting) work wonders - but between the job, the kids, the mortgage, the rellies, and the social life, they can take a back seat...hence the "slide". Still, it's the only thing that works...and it does work, whatever age you are, in my opinion. So speaks a new convert.

Posted by: waterbombe at January 23, 2008 4:39 PM

Posted by: woodnwine at January 23, 2008 2:12 PM

Here, here it is good to hear about other peoples opinions and experiences as long as they are not making personal attacks and baiting people. It gets rather boring.

Posted by: mstingle at January 23, 2008 4:34 PM

WnW,

Yeah...reminds me of The Simpsons and Barts poem..."Beans, beans the magical fruit, the more you eat, the more you toot....."!!

I can still fit into the same pair of jeans....just nowhere to put the other leg.

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at January 23, 2008 4:30 PM

Posted by: notgodsgift at January 23, 2008 12:56 PM

Great post.

Posted by: mstingle at January 23, 2008 4:29 PM

Hi notgodsgift - yes, I must remember the walking out the door thing, good advice. Body type may have an effect on ageing but muscule can never turn into fat, it just deteriorates if not used. What many people find is that when they were younger they were more active so ate more, which fed muscle growth. As they aged, they became much less active but ate food at the same rate, which put on weight. If we reduce our physical expenditure we should also reduce our calorie intake accordingly.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 23, 2008 4:16 PM

WnW,

Body type plays a bit of a role in how you age. If you have had strong upper body and solidly built (like myself) your chest moves to your belly etc unless you actually continue doing the same routines as when you are young. I played very phsical sports and have had plenty of injuries, so not looking that much as I did then. Plus, I eat like a pig, drink like a fish and still have no idea how to make a woman happy.....unless you count walking out the door....then she will be ecstatic!!!

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at January 23, 2008 3:56 PM

Continuing the discussion on ageism .... why do people's bodies and fitness have to get worse with age? I still wear the same size jeans I wore 10 and probably 20 years ago because I eat (mostly) healthy food, drink a lot of water, don't drink excessive amounts of alcohol, exercise, play sport and live an active lifestyle. It's not hard and I'm certainly no gym junky .... in fact I don't even belong to one. I see plenty of older people (40s & 50s) who are fit and active so we should realise that we don't "automatically" deteriorate with age.

I know women face a temporary challenge after having children but I also know plenty of women who have children that look fabulous. Also remember that with age comes experience. When I was a teenager I had no idea how to really please a woman but now .....

Posted by: woodnwine at January 23, 2008 3:23 PM

Woodnwine, The lunch was great. I thoroughly enjoyed it but later some hurtful things were said to FP here on the blogs. It is sometimes difficult to put things away. You often think you have and they come to the surface again...bit like in relationships when you have a disagreement. It is all okay and then a few months later it all comes to the surface to haunt you.

Age comparisons...WnW, I have a gorgeous daughter in her twenties and the comparison is there on a daily basis for me...so no kidding myself but an older woman who has looked after herself should be able to make a man happy:))

Posted by: istj54 at January 23, 2008 2:53 PM

Regarding age .... I myself have no strong constrictions regarding the actual number ... it has more to do with the way a person has looked after their body and their mind. As you said, some young people don't look after their bodies as well as some older people do. I would be happy to meet someone older or younger than me if they made me happy (and me them) and we each found the other attractive, engaging, interesting and loving. Looks are just a part of the equation but they are a part.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 23, 2008 2:27 PM

yes Bob - let's look forward to some more interesting reading on here .... it's been a tad boring lately. People need to be able to express opinions and have them discussed, challenged even ... but not attacked. After opinions are only opinions. People generally form the best opinion they can ... based on what they know.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 23, 2008 2:12 PM

Roy, I also agree with you...why should age impair a great relationship? I am happy to date all ages myself...as long as there is a meeting of minds, humour etc...I'd say chemistry, but that is apparently a girl thing.

Bob, I, personally, did not think that roy was bragging. he was just sharing his experiences...I don't consider that to be bragging.

My only concern with dating someone "much" younger than myself is how "I" feel. We can all see our own ageing and older skin up against the younger is quite depressing at times.

I still don't agree with twobit and I find older women...and men...to be incredibly attractive in so many ways...and who says that young women aren't flabby and wobbly in places, twobit?

Another thing Bob, FP was obviously incredibly hurt and demeaned by what happened here after the last blog meeting. It did spoil it a bit. I had thoroughly enjoyed meeting the FP and the others and was surprised that it became so personally ugly here afterwards.
It has put me off attending another as I am not here to be judged on my looks, just on what I say. I, also, do not see why posters must have pictures displayed.

Posted by: istj54 at January 23, 2008 1:51 PM

Hello Roygotaas,

Couldn't agree more with you; get out there and meet people of all ages and do some listening - very sound advice. Whilst I personally cant see myself with someone that young, wont be knocking you either, good luck to you!

Cant wait for the flood heading your way bagging you for bragging though, at least the reading here will become more enjoyable!!

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at January 23, 2008 1:11 PM

Gee the Melb lunch sounds like its going to be an interesting afternoon.....frankly l think l will give it a miss. Who could really be bothered with the drama.
And no FP l do not think that you are referring to me before you think that.
I know that l l introduced myself to you at the last one and that we chatted for a few mnutes.
Just really do not see the point in any aggro.
Either sort it out privately, as should be done, or here if that is what you want.
Maturity and all that..........K

Posted by: auntykaz at January 23, 2008 1:06 PM

FP,

You may feel slighted and defamed by what was said about you after the last meeting, but not really sure what you hope to achieve by attending the next and creating an unpleasant situation for all......it will only damage you, not her.

Plenty of unpleasant stuff is fired across the blogs at, and by, all sorts of people, but who cares what another thinks of you...especially if they dont know you?

Pixiemagic,

Regarding the profile/photo thing; who cares if people are visible or not; everyone has their own reasons for doing their own thing, who am I, you, or anyone else to judge them? What does it matter what they write or look like, what matters is that they feel comfortable to air their views here and, whether we agree with them or not, this is a free forum for all - it is up to the moderators to determine what is and isn't acceptable.

A very famous man once said "I might not agree with you opinion, but I will fight to the death for your right to express it" - very profound words for us all.

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at January 23, 2008 12:56 PM

Why the agism?

I'm new to the blogging side of his site but, reading back a little, there seems to be here, as elsewhere, the 'great debate' about ages in partnerships. Is an Australian thing? It certainly isn't the case in Europe or America to anything like the same extent, if at all.

There seem to be some very 'threatened' attitudes out there.
There's one from a number of women who seem unable to refer to a young woman in partnership with an older man in any but demeaning terms.
There's one (across gender) that seems to think gravity automatically wins at about age 40-something.
There's another that seems to think any relationship between people of diverse ages must somehow necessarily be sexual on the part of the older party.
There're more but those seem the chief ones.

Come on people! This is the 21st century! If you want to stay slim, trim etc., it's not a mystery and men can do it just as much as women: it just takes a little effort. And if you still wear 'pullovers' and 'trousers', shirt & tie or the female equivalent of the 1960's . . . yeah, well, you're not going to catch the eye for any good reason. People who look outwardly as if they're frozen in time, tend to give the impression they may be that way intellectually as well!

I'm lucky, I guess: I'm well over 50 but I have a 21-year old daughter living at home (thank goodness and in her own 'granny-flat', which is as good as it gets!). I wouldn't go shopping for clothing or bling without her! She has terrific dress sense for herself (all her friends come to her for advice) and for me.
Also lucky because her friends have become my friends too and keep me fresh in thinking/attitude terms. I can put their unspoiled clarity of vision together with my lifetime of experience. They invite me out with them, clubbing, theatre etc., we have joint parties at home and it's all a very two-way street. Some of them have been far more helpfully supportive in times of personal trouble than many of my own-age friends! I've as many friends I value in that age group as my own!
Maybe a little less 'attitude' and a lot more listening on the part of the over-40's would close the gap somewhat and make age-mixing more common, more fruitful and comfortable.
Some of the most intelligent, intellectually exciting women I’ve known are very much younger than I: less baggage, less concreted attitude, more openness and sense of the adventure of life.

The greatest love of my life was 26 years younger than I: our relationship was only ended by tragedy: we had a life together planned. We each said that we had to run to keep up with the other! Age just wasn't a consideration for either of us.

Next Saturday I'm going out on a first date with someone 30 years younger than I . . . . but that's just chance . . . . the first time we met we talked for nearly 3 hours on what should have been a half-hour business discussion. But our minds met, she's so intelligent and we're both writers. She also happens to be lovely to look at . . . . but that's partly because this great, interesting, thinking personality shines out of her. If you're boring, it's gonna show! If you're interesting/ exciting, so will that!

Get over it, people! Scrub up, dress up, stop wrinkle-gazing, use your minds, be the sort of person you'd like to meet . . . agism just isn't relevant.
And guys: drop the pick-up lines: it's not about 'picking up' . . . . it's about 'meeting'! Otherwise, as Pink puts it, it'll be 'you and your hand'!

I could bang on about this at greater length (Yes, really!) but I do think maybe we need one web site for people who just want sex and another for people who want relationships! (Or, you could say, one for juveniles, one for adults?) On the latter, I'd ban the listing of people's ages!!

Posted by: roygotaas at January 23, 2008 12:47 PM

Posted by: timewarp1 at January 23, 2008 11:09 AM

I don't know who you are refering to that attended the brissybloggers and she is a nice person that happened to come with someone.

However you are probably right because every female that attended were really exceptional and we were also lucky to have equally as charming males there also.

It was my first meeting with other bloggers and it was truely amasing to have so many people in one place all from different backgrounds be so cool.

Posted by: mstingle at January 23, 2008 11:52 AM

...rsvp...ninaschen...can't make it on the 9th Feb but thank you for the personal invitation...enjoy!

Posted by: istj54 at January 23, 2008 11:35 AM

Istj54: Most of us have it all worked out...We're not totally stupid...just a little bit, some of the time...

I do have to wonder, though, what it must be like having all of these "personalities" running around inside your head? Do they bang around on your cranium walls and give you a headache? Supress arteries and blood and oxygen supply, making you hyperventilate and parylise bodily movement? Maybe run back and forth from left to right side and totally corrupt your rational thinking processes?

As you and I are both in the same line of work, we both know that Ritalin and Desamphetamine works well, but definitely not when mixed with alcohol...

As for Brane, will putmyself on a limb and say that he is not one of the many confused personalities running riot on the blogs...

Mistingle...we all know who she is...Duh...

Posted by: hiddencharms at December 22, 2007 9:45 PM

A lovely woman...how right you are Timewarp...and good luck in your search:))

Challenge for you...go back through every posting ever made and see if you can find one anywhere that I have been so cruel to a fellow poster...good luck with that too.

Posted by: istj54 at January 23, 2008 11:33 AM

FEMALEPER @ 12.24am, 23rd

I think you're safe from a certain confrontation at the Melb. gabfest.

That's if you mean the invisible beauty that I'm thinking of, the one who pulled out of RSVP in tears after your heated response to her accusation that you had plagiarised her profile in your own.

She graced the Brisbane gabfest on Sunday with her RSVP man, and we made her so welcome that she probably doesn't need to do the Melbourne meeting too. Even without your turf-claiming animosity.

I suggested a couple of days ago that JenJen should acknowledge the authors of those of her posts that she didn't write herself. In capitals by mistake, because I was fighting off exhaustion in the small hours. Sorry Jen.

I also mentioned that subject obliquely (in a censored post?) about your '10 things wrong with men' post @ 8.12am 21st. Who was its male author, and why wasn't his authorship of that excellent piece acknowledged?

I know you do write some of your excellent stuff yourself, but people have to think less of you when you don't give credit where credit's due.

Posted by: timewarp1 at January 23, 2008 11:09 AM

Hey there ppl,

I'm a first time blogger... so please.. be gentle ;)

As per the topic of this blog, has anyone had any "relative" success on RSVP? I'm sure plenty of people have had bad experiences, but I'm more interested in any good experiences?? :P

Posted by: deliciousmama at January 23, 2008 10:22 AM

A general sweeping statement that women in their 40's, 50's and 60's are no longer sexy is a little off. Men in that age group are often suffering the same problems (not that I see it as a problem myself). Not too many trim, taut and terrifics running around with the body of Adonis in that age group - at least not where I can see them.

As a 40's woman, sure gravity may have had a small effect, but physically (and mentally) I am in far better shape than I was as a 20 something. If men are looking for the pert, bouncy little things then perhaps its merely a handbag they are after, not someone with substance.

Bloggers meets are a lot of fun, always nice to put a body/voice to the style of writing. Can't imagine why FP would want to pick a fight at one, that just seems pointless, let it go girl, there are better things to do than make people look at you with eye-brows raised for the WRONG reason!

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 23, 2008 8:34 AM

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 23, 2008 1:35 AM

SScity your post about the sexiness of women in thier 40's 50's and 60's....soooo spot on!! If I still wanted the same type of male that I had at age 22, i.e tall, blond, blue eyed, able to surf etc...I would never get a date now that I am 50!!! gotta change your outlook as you get older guys!. Us girls do, so I expect intelligent mature males to also be realistic about a future female partner!!!

Posted by: junebaby57 at January 23, 2008 7:47 AM

now, about the blogger meets....I attend sydney meets and they are a lot of fun!!! (party, party) I do not blog with the purpose of meeting someone, my profile is there for that stuff.
Blogging is a lot of fun, you get to chat, have a laugh, meet people and make friends, of both sexes.

Peolpe who have been lucky enough to meet someone, ARE still very welcome at the blog catch ups, just cause they met someone doesn't mean that they don't want to maintain friendships they made thru the blogs.

Friendship , though not the purpose of RSVP, is a wonderful benefit from blogging, and I for 1, appreciate friends, shit I still have the girlfriends I went to school with!! They outlasted my marriage.!!!

So blog meets are for all of those genuine bloggers, who do not have multiple profiles and who don't want a fight!!!! though a bitch fight might attract more males...heheheheh..have a lovely day all...jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at January 23, 2008 7:40 AM

what would you like willow, and i will ship it over...do you need chocolate and lots of bubbly...maybe you could come over to the fun side of the country and have a drink on the porch with kitten, dolphin, today and myself....back to posting.....overnight express?? while I am shipping the ladies to Neuroticfish that the gentlemen don't want to take advantage offf!! hehehehehe..have a lovely day all...jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at January 23, 2008 7:25 AM

Pixie,

Why not direct your complaint to RSVP. Maybe they should change the response from:

“No matching visible profile(s) found on the RSVP database. NOTE - there may be hidden profiles which match your search criteria. Profile owners sometimes hide profiles when they have too much contact, or when they have just started seeing someone seriously. ‘

To

““No matching visible profile(s) found on the RSVP database. NOTE - there may be hidden profiles which match your search criteria. Profile owners sometimes hide profiles when they have too much contact, or when they have just started seeing someone seriously, or are having a rest from all the crap…need a brain drain, needs to get a life, could do with something better to do than blog, is thinking of escaping to Antarctica, but will settle for the Back of Beyond, wondering why she said get on your bike when she knows it’s got a flat tyre…

Posted by: neuroticfish at January 23, 2008 6:44 AM

“ I love you, but I am not ‘In Love” with you

~translation~ if you ever hear this one, it’s a lost cause.

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 22, 2008 11:48 AM

my ex said that LOL. What a laugh...

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 23, 2008 2:09 AM

Posted by: aliane at January 22, 2008 12:30 PM

Aliane: hi there. Well you are quite articulate on the blog and if men are put off in case you no speak Engleesh well...I guess it is their loss. With all your prayers and your premonitions you will surely know when you meet "The One." A matter of waiting for your destiny? The blog is fun at least and you can express yourself on here.

Well thanks for asking, and I have met male friends on here and made nice online female and male blog friends. Getting to know some people a bit on the blog. Hey aliane, there are lots of nice guys out there and as you can see on my profile, right now am only looking for friends on RSVP. I met a man online almost 1 year ago from overseas and we have been corresponding. Back in November when I went back on RSVP... I thought it was off due to a misunderstanding and we were just friends but after some sorting out, its back on. However as we have not met its not the same as a person to person relationship. Going to see how it goes with him...depends if he comes to Australia as planned. Thats all and working heaps, meeting lots of people in my new job and nice people at work too.
Just you stay positive aliane as sure there is a prince for you and perhaps its a matter of waiting for the right time. At least your job gives you flexiblility then to do fun things also.

Conquest is easy. Control is not.
Kirk, "Mirror, Mirror"
stardate unknown

Posted by: mrsteppenwolf at January 22, 2008 1:05 AM

You think so? Kirk is speaking of a planet/territory here? Not up to date with StarTrek. Good show though : ))

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 23, 2008 2:07 AM

I chose E. Really, there is no other choice.

Posted by: getthemostoutoflife at January 22, 2008 9:53 AM

getthemostoutoflife, good choice there!

Might be Ok when you are young pretty,firm,perky,desirable,but man all that changes pretty quick once you have kids and get into your 40's.

Posted by: twobits at January 20, 2008 5:24 PM

Way to limit your self two bits and I can not believe that you believe there are no pretty, firm? perky, desirable women in their 40's (50s even) Do you not ever go outside? You should put your profile on visible then so we can see what you have to offer. I assume that you look like an Adonis then and good luck to you in finding a "perfect specimen" of younger womanhood then. If you do find Ms Right and she stacks it on sometime down the track, would you dump her?

Women in their 40's, 50's and 60's etc are sexy. Just because you prefer younger women who have not had children, why make such a sweeping ridiculous statement. Some men are affected by gravity and so on. Most of us on this blog are not shallow enough to be looking for perfection I think. IMHO.

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 23, 2008 1:35 AM

MR STEPPENWOLF @ 1.24pm, 22nd:

Hi, and many thanks for your support for my far-too-long but on-topic post about 3.30am.

Should I see the DVD, to help me dig your cryptic comment?

Posted by: timewarp1 at January 23, 2008 12:32 AM

Amdoing it: I think the "unpleasantry" has already occurred and I will certainly be confronting this person. So my suggestion would be to discourage her from attending.

She not only doesnt blog, she doesn't have an active profile..and I am informed she is no longer single..so why is she coming at all ?????

But if she is, she will certainly have me to account to BECAUSE she defamed me and called me a liar, which was untrue.

SO.. I will address the issue if she has the audacity to turn up .
I am sorry if this is going to make your lunch unpleasant. I will also take a picture of HER, and as it is in a public place this is perfectly legal.

So, it might be in everyones best interes to get your "friend' to take a raincheck... would hate to think what she may say about the "newbies" after the lunch.

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 23, 2008 12:24 AM

Nina, geriatric uncle??? Good god, you need a young buck darling ok!!! Willow, forget her request ok?? Well, for the geriatric anyway... Maybe an uncle??? or two and then we could do a double date thing thing!!!! Just a thought.... :0))

Good night all... "G"

Posted by: amdoingit at January 23, 2008 12:06 AM

'night 'night all

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 23, 2008 12:03 AM

I hope there's not going to be any nasty cofrontations at the lunch. I for one am looking forward to catching up with my "friends" and also to meeting those newbies.. Any planned unpleasantries will not go down well and of that I'm sure. Maybe they could be dealt with elsewhere and at another time????

Posted by: amdoingit at January 23, 2008 12:02 AM

Goodnight all.

I am going to pull out the cookbooks from storage. You know, Womans Weekly, Donna Hay, etc.

Now where did I file them. Ah yes, under Y for You have to be joking.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 22, 2008 11:52 PM

Willow, you poor, hard-done-by man, all that has fallen upon your board shoulders (surely you can handle this, no?). Okay - just to show you I'm not out to get what I can I have sheathed those claws, and I shall bring the wine but I'll pass on the Sherry, perhaps Kitten can bring that. Don't worry about the music, the wonderous sounds of your conversation will be music to our ears...

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 22, 2008 11:49 PM

The women in this blog are so demanding.

First breakfast, then dinner with dessert, a brother, a geriatric. What next will you seek.

Are there no men present to defend the role of our gender in society. Must I ride this torrent of discontent, alone, unrelenting and brave in the face of disorder.

Yet, not one woman has offered to supply the meat for this dinner. Nor dessert. Alone I shall forge forward knowing that I alone will also need to choose the music, wine and most likely the sherry.

Anarchy rules this home of the blog, venture in here at you peril for only fortification of great strength can protect you from the claws hidden within.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 22, 2008 11:42 PM

Ninaschen: I was not referring to you at all, and you know it. I am really not concerned as to the reasons why people have password protected photos, or infact why people have their whole profile hidden. It is their business.

However, I do feel that if you attend a bloggers meet, it is POOR FORM and downright BAD TASTE to discuss your impressions of people you meet at the blogs on these posts. People should feel welcome and safe attending a blog lunch, and the height of MATURITY is being able to meet and interact with others WITHOUT making personal attacks on the blogs.

However, if a person tries to defame my character, when their profile is hidden ...rest assured I will confront them in person.

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 22, 2008 11:42 PM

I'll leave that one up to you Kitten...might have more success. However, I can wash up if you like!

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 22, 2008 11:38 PM

very good .. now if we can just teach you how to cook ....

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 22, 2008 11:29 PM

WF and kitten I have a brother physical and "mental" like me. But he is not in your state he is in me. I believe this condition has a name.

As crazy as I may be
Cannot be split in two
For all to see
Not even for you

Just had to get a poem in somewhere, first one for the night.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 22, 2008 11:24 PM

Willow - a geriatric uncle for me?

Posted by: ninaschen at January 22, 2008 11:20 PM

but I am sure BB offered 4 ...

looks like we are on a diet until Sunday ... but I think I can sneak into the kitchen and put together something to tide us over if you are interested ...

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 22, 2008 11:19 PM

wishfulthinker03 - I thought it was 3?

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 22, 2008 11:15 PM

Sunday? You mean I don't get dessert until Sunday? Oh my....what is the world coming to :(

Willow...Kitty wants to know if you have a brother, preferably in her State I'm thinking (physical not mental), actually do you have a couple - seems 2 lovers on the go at once might be the order of the day!

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 22, 2008 11:14 PM

If not B, then what do you sugggest willow?

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 22, 2008 11:12 PM

Neither my photos nor my profile have ever been hidden, FP (apart from 5 minutes when I decided I didn't want to play anymore but then like many others, I got sucked back in). And those current or former bloggers who are coming to lunch and who have hidden profiles, have so for their own reasons. Some because they are now in relationships, others because they are having a 'rest'. Their call. It doesn't bother me. I can't see why it would be an issue to others.

Posted by: ninaschen at January 22, 2008 11:11 PM

kitten no no no no, do not choose Brother "B" to be yours and WF's man.

You will have things in common with this man but I suspect he will not fully satisfy either of you.

B-
You give off vibes of lazy sensuality. You enjoy being romanced, wined, and dined. You are very happy to receive gifts as an expression of the affection of your lover. You want to be pampered and know how to pamper your mate. You are private in your expression of endearments and particularly when it comes to lovemaking. You will hold off until everything meets with your approval. You can control your appetite and abstain from sex if need be. You require new sensations and experiences. You are willing to experiment.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 22, 2008 11:07 PM

evening wishfulthinker03, nice of you to join us ... unfortunately willow is not going to satisfy us with part 3 until Sunday pm

and if you find him ... can you ask if he has a brother?

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 22, 2008 11:00 PM

willow ... a kitten is always precise about what she wants ... and when she wants it ...

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 22, 2008 10:58 PM

Ninaschen: rest assured I will be there with my camera and taking photos of everyone so we can then put faces to all the password protected photos.

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 22, 2008 10:58 PM

Rider...I am laughing so hard at your alphabet....Willow...not sure why you'd not be pleased with yours...hehehe..."I" suits ya does it Rider? "J" is looking pretty good too - ahhh now to just find HIM...whatever his letter may be...

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 22, 2008 10:58 PM

misswendy you are not slow, the joke about the kittens relates to kittenheels very precise requirements for breakfast. You will find the answers in last nights posts here from kitten and others along with Parts 1 and 2 of my trilogy Relationship Matters in the Kitchen.

But you did miss my pun about the lady in the photo with chopped off head, she should get ahead (A HEAD) in life.

Don't worry, many at work are still trying to understand my jokes from last year. At times they are so subtle, I forget why I found them funny.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 22, 2008 10:54 PM

Buggered up with spelling... Sorry!!! Was meant to be blaming bump on head..

Posted by: amdoingit at January 22, 2008 10:50 PM

Nina, glad you just posted my love. Would no doubt have gone to the "old" place if I hadn't read this. Can you tell that emails are probably not registering either.. Blming the bump on head over Xmas!!!!

Me is waiting too Weta!!!! Best I read my emails properly from here on in too.. "G"

Posted by: amdoingit at January 22, 2008 10:47 PM

Likewise Amdoingit and Kittenheels...looking forward to catching up with you both again :)

Posted by: misswendyxx at January 22, 2008 10:46 PM

Hey G, wow I am impressed or has someone let you in on the secret ...

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 22, 2008 10:44 PM

Kitten it is then, should've had a good read of previous posts. 'G"

Posted by: amdoingit at January 22, 2008 10:43 PM

14 confirmed so far for the Melbourne lunch. Anyone else out there want to join us on the 9th of February? Everyone is very, very, welcome! Venue in or close to the CBD to be advised (get a wriggle on, Weta, where are we going??).

Posted by: ninaschen at January 22, 2008 10:40 PM

Hey Wendy, am going to totally revamp mine too. Need to get some photo's with some "colour" instead of the regulation black. More importantly though I need to pound the pavement to get rid of those few kgs that latched on to me over the festive season. Bugger!!! Now if I had a man it would be easy to shed wouldn't it??? Oh well, cross trainers are less costly so that's some consolation. Look forward to catching up again!!!! "G"

Posted by: amdoingit at January 22, 2008 10:39 PM

amdoingit - yep you will .. and I will be there with bells on ... looking forward to meeting everyone and catching up with the delightful MissWendyxx again.

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 22, 2008 10:39 PM

sorry MissWendyxx ...

and perhaps kittykat might be more appropriate?

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 22, 2008 10:38 PM

evening wendy ...

amdoingit, K2 is fine but I think that I have been named kitten somehow ...

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 22, 2008 10:35 PM

Pixiemagic: interesting point you bring up about being able to view profiles of bloggers. Having a password protected photo is pretty much the same as having a profile that is hidden . Either way you are not recognisable to the general public. I admire both the male and female RSVP'ers that have a visible photo. To me it says that person has inner confidence, and I admire that.

If there is one person that I think is cowardly , it is the type that has a hidden photo and yet criticises a person who has the confidence to post theirs.

This happened to me recently, when a woman who I saw at a bloggers lunch ( AND without getting the pleasure to speak to her) for some reason felt the need to post a blog saying she thought my photos were at least 7 years old.

Not only was she a very unattractive woman ( quite plain) and at least 15 years older than me but she felt safe to criticise me knowing full well that her image was unavailable for comment or scrutiny.

So, Im with you Pixiemagic...and btw I love your profile and photos.

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 22, 2008 10:35 PM

Hi Amdoingit!! I have been a bit like you too just lurking not contributing. In fact my profile is a shambles at the moment....need to get on to it and fix it up.

Willow1059 - Yes the photo with the boats is at Watson's Bay absolutely beautiful. Now I am a bit slow what is the joke about the kittens?

Posted by: misswendyxx at January 22, 2008 10:33 PM

Howdy back kittenheels. Think I'll call you K2??? Only for quick reference if that's ok... I believe I'll be meeting you soon??? Look forward to it !!!

Hello my darling "L".. Not long to go!!!! "G"

Posted by: amdoingit at January 22, 2008 10:32 PM

howdy amdoingit ...

willows ... hopefully, and definitely full cream ... thanks

"L" we should talk too

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 22, 2008 10:28 PM

'L' is not too far off the mark, Rider. And Neville, we need to talk!

Posted by: ninaschen at January 22, 2008 10:25 PM

misswendy, do not worry about the other person in the photo, she should just get a head with her life.

I will have some of the outdoor scene with the boats in it. Looks like a great place to have breakfast. Do they serve home made muesli for kitten, also full cream milk ... meow.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 22, 2008 10:23 PM

Ridersonthestorm.. love your alphabet thing. I'm a "G" but I don't think that the description fits me to a T. Maybe those of you who know me might like to comment??? What say you all???
"K" (damn there's 2 of you now) sorry Auntykaz.. and Wendy!!!good to see a familiar name on here. Have been having the odd sticky beak so thought I'd best put a post up for a change..

Have fun all and "Happy Hunting".."G"

Posted by: amdoingit at January 22, 2008 10:22 PM

auntykaz - yep, I agee.
We could change her name by deedpoll to ... say ... Penny?

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 22, 2008 10:00 PM

If you were fat and ugly that could daunt a few. People should be able to view genuine bloggers profiles because they can ascertain that person's personality and respond accordingly and its nice to have a genuine insight in to whom you are responding to.

Posted by: pixiemagic at January 22, 2008 9:53 PM

Well l think that the description of "K" is the mostest.....It needs no other words to describe us in my opinion................Kittenheelsxx l have a daughter whose name starts with "N".......boo hoo........K

Posted by: auntykaz at January 22, 2008 9:53 PM

of course, the beef must be aged ... silly me for trying to rush it ...

... looking foward to Sunday pm then

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 22, 2008 9:52 PM

hi kitten, sorry no Part 3 of the trilogy "Relationships Matter in the Kitchen" tonight. Perhaps on Sunday PM when I am kid and sport free.

With the dish being fillet mignion I am still ageing the beef for the required 8 days.

Rest assured you, WF, dolphin, tam and today are all invited. I hope none of you would mind if I invite WnW to save me from naked men syndrome and FP who can advise me how to best avoid going in the wrong direction again with my next partner .... if I ever find one. Oh and if I can ever get this bloody (no pun) meal cooked.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 22, 2008 9:48 PM

fires can be put out by water ...

... as one scorp to another ... it seems you got a double whammy!

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 22, 2008 9:37 PM

Evening tiger ... glad that "j" fits you to a "t"

Do you have time to sit and chat about relationships (aren't I good) or are you still updating your profile?

The punch is a waiting ...

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 22, 2008 9:31 PM

willow is here, for me the letter is M

You are emotional and intense. When involved in a relationship, you throw your entire being into it. Nothing stops you; there are no holds barred. You are all consuming and crave someone who is equally passionate and intense.. You believe in total sexual freedom. You are willing to try anything and everything. Your supply of sexual energy is inexhaustible. You also enjoy mothering your mate.

Wow, add this to cooking in the kitchen and you get FIRE. No wonder I have been eating alone for so long.

Thanks for the post rider, one more piece of the puzzle to understand my singular existance.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 22, 2008 9:30 PM

Evening Willow - do we get Part 3 tonight?

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 22, 2008 9:24 PM

Hi auntykaz: From one "k" to another, isn't great to be marvellous

... and I am so thankful my parents didn't name me Nelly!

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 22, 2008 9:24 PM

FP love the excuses for getting the brush off 22 Jan 11:48 AM

Do you have one for going in different directions?

Posted by: willow1059 at January 22, 2008 9:21 PM

Where are the powerblogstars? Lurking until the new people give up and disappear?

Well, I'm off for a getaway--mid week--need to get my sarongs packed, and do some waxing.

I will be telling my two lovers about each other today. I hope they are able to understand.

Posted by: diamondblue2 at January 22, 2008 5:20 PM

Taking them both on the getaway??

Posted by: lamuse at January 22, 2008 9:13 PM

How would hiding my photo stop any contact? Isn't it only a problem not having your profile up and still be blogging if that person is rude, condescending etc to others

Posted by: sue4you at January 22, 2008 9:12 PM

ridersonthestorm, l have to agree with "K" suits me to a T....and another "X" is Xanthe...from Buffy apparently.
When my daughter used to watch Buffy she wanted me to have another baby and call it Xanthe......good grief.............K

Posted by: auntykaz at January 22, 2008 9:04 PM

Maybe should be on a different sort of blog?

Posted by: pixiemagic at January 22, 2008 8:52 PM

well you can always hide your photo but I think it's only fair that others have a fair idea who they are blogging with otherwise it doesnt seem fair

Posted by: pixiemagic at January 22, 2008 8:50 PM

I diasagree. I've hidden my profile at the moment because I've got enough contact to deal with. Currently I really don't want men kissing me but I still want to blog

Posted by: sue4you at January 22, 2008 8:44 PM

You know what??...my personal belief is that anyone blogging on this site should have an available profile otherwise what credibility does that person/persons have and sorry but how shallow to voice your opinions when you arent prepared to put your profile where your blog is!!

Posted by: pixiemagic at January 22, 2008 8:30 PM

"J-
You can be very romantic, attached to the glamour of love. Having a partner is of paramount importance to you. You are free in your expression of love and are willing to take chances, try new sexual experiences and partners, provided it's all in good taste. Brains turn you on. You must feel that your partner is intellectually stimulating, otherwise you will find it difficult to sustain the well. Only you see her. You require loving, cuddling, wining, and dining to know that you're being appreciated. "

That is jewels to a T!! I need to update my profile...again....have a lovely evening all...jewels or tiger depending on who you talk tooo...hehehehe nickname!!!

Posted by: junebaby57 at January 22, 2008 7:32 PM

I live in hope ... & hope that classic 66 is reading this & to please be patient.

Posted by: seagreeneyes69 at January 22, 2008 7:07 PM

-K-

WOW this thing knows me so well!! LOL!

Posted by: proudmum1973 at January 22, 2008 6:51 PM

The letter "w" how true, me to a "t"..........mmmmm "m"

Posted by: imanenigma at January 22, 2008 6:09 PM

Oh and BTW RSVP--

the answer to your question is:
NO.

But we can find sex in a respectable manner.

Posted by: diamondblue2 at January 22, 2008 5:27 PM

Where are the powerblogstars? Lurking until the new people give up and disappear?

Well, I'm off for a getaway--mid week--need to get my sarongs packed, and do some waxing.

I will be telling my two lovers about each other today. I hope they are able to understand.

Posted by: diamondblue2 at January 22, 2008 5:20 PM

... or even an addiction ...

(see, it does happen Bob)!

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 22, 2008 4:47 PM

Dear Bob - whoops, sorry, Neville? - are you talking to me or to me? Oh well, s&^% happens, hey (and if I am involved, well, then invariably it does) (lol).
Wendy - kiss kiss - how is the peanut butter going? I am developing a major addition.

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 22, 2008 4:46 PM

Rider,

Great post.......I knew my real name was Neville!!!

Wendy,

At least the arm around you proves you have friends; mt photo was taken from 5 miles away with a great big telephoto lens......the only thing missing is the number under my chin!!

Kittenheels,

You remind me of someone else from the blogs; you are not one of those multi-profilers are you?

Neville (the person formerly know as Bob)

Posted by: notgodsgift at January 22, 2008 4:17 PM

Kittenheelsxx - Thanks for the enc. kiss and ditto!

"W"

"Nothing is too good for your lover. You enjoy playing love games".

Sounds about right to me!!

Mstingle and Ridersonthestorm - The photo thing I have a photo that has "someone hanging off me".....some random person who wanted to be in my photo!! Anyway I liked the photo so I added it. Most people have their photos taken with other people, and if they have had to cut them out, it doesn't necessarily mean that it is an "ex" who has the arm draped around you.....and really what does it matter if it was?

Posted by: misswendyxx at January 22, 2008 3:57 PM

Well I hope I brought some fun & humour to your day today my fellow BLOGSTARS and Please......don't take the alphabet thing to seriously but the letter I is spot on !! ;)

Posted by: ridersonthestorm74 at January 22, 2008 3:36 PM

Posted by: ridersonthestorm74 at January 22, 2008 3:27 PM

Yes it is an ordeal getting photo's together, I must admit.

Posted by: mstingle at January 22, 2008 3:30 PM

I suppose Rider it doesn't matter really, I hope we all get what we are looking for.

Posted by: mstingle at January 22, 2008 3:27 PM

I just don't do good close up shots on my own and can"t stand the arm in photo shot either ! :)

Posted by: ridersonthestorm74 at January 22, 2008 3:27 PM

and your conversation with myself and others in a few instances has not been crazy?

Posted by: mstingle at January 22, 2008 3:25 PM

Posted by: ridersonthestorm74 at January 22, 2008 3:03 PM

Sorry that should have been which ones haven't you slept with? seen as you stated that the rest are mostly acurate but you haven't as yet made it through the whole alphabet.

I must admit your photo with someone hanging off yourself, well part of them hanging off you say's it all:)

Posted by: mstingle at January 22, 2008 3:23 PM

now now ....that would be crazy talk if I were to divulge such information

Posted by: ridersonthestorm74 at January 22, 2008 3:21 PM

Posted by: ridersonthestorm74 at January 22, 2008 3:03 PM

The letter 'N' em interesting what other letters have you slept with?

Posted by: mstingle at January 22, 2008 3:17 PM

hey ... so am I, a "k" that is ...

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 22, 2008 3:12 PM

mstingle- I must admit the letter "N" is spot on in my books ...sorry.
Not that I have managed to make it through the whole list ...BUT....I must say the rest are VERY close to being spot on :)

Posted by: ridersonthestorm74 at January 22, 2008 3:03 PM

Posted by: lamuse at January 22, 2008 2:07 PM

Dito in regard to the silly study in regard to a persons sexuality in accordance with the first initial of your name.

It is a bit like the adds late at night that try to suck money from he gullable. The one that makes me laugh the most is the love compatability of name and then they make a rediculous statement to say that psychologist believe that crap.

Studies have to be conducted by reputable scientifically approved bodies.

Ah well, I suppose the thing is not to take it serious and laugh at it's rediculousness. Which was maybe what rider was trying to do, you would hope!

Posted by: mstingle at January 22, 2008 2:49 PM

woohoooo ... my name starts with a "K"

Posted by: secretk at January 22, 2008 2:46 PM

Posted by: ridersonthestorm74 at January 22, 2008 1:20 PM

So were these from your own studies, my you must have been a busy man.

Posted by: mstingle at January 22, 2008 2:42 PM

Phew .....

Posted by: woodnwine at January 22, 2008 2:22 PM

Xavier

Posted by: ridersonthestorm74 at January 22, 2008 2:19 PM

Whose name starts with X?

I appear to be a cross between a V, a W, and an R.

What a hoot, and how very silly!

Posted by: lamuse at January 22, 2008 2:07 PM

-V-
You are individualistic, and you need freedom, space, and excitement. You wait until you know someone well before committing yourself. Swing someone means psyching him/ her out. You feel a need to get into his head to see what makes him/ her tick. You are attracted to eccentric types. Often there is an age difference between you and your lover. You respond to danger, thrills, and suspense. The gay scene turns you on, even though you yourself may not be a participant.
-W-
You are very proud, determined, and you refuse to take no for an answer when pursuing love. Your ego is at stake. You are romantic, idealistic, and often in love with love itself, not seeing your partner as he or she really is. You feel deeply and throw all of yourself into your relationships. Nothing is too good for your lover. You enjoy playing love games.
-X-
You need constant stimulation because you bore quickly. You can handle more than one relationship at a time with ease. You can't shut off your mind. You talk while you make love. You can have the greatest love affairs, all by yourself, in your own head.
-Y-
You are sexual, sensual, and very independent. If you can't have it your way, you will forgo the whole thing. You want to control your relationships, which doesn't always work out too well. You respond to physical stimulation, enjoy necking and spending hours just touching, feeling and exploring. However, if you can spend your time making money, you will give up the pleasures of the flesh for the moment. You need to prove to yourself and your partner what a great lover you are. You want feedback on your performance. You are an open, stimulating, romantic bedmate.
-Z-
For you, it is business before pleasure. If you are in any way bothered by career, business, or money concerns, you find it very hard to relax and get into the mood. You can be romantically idealistic to a fault and are capable of much sensuality. But you never lose control of your emotions. You are very careful and cautious before you give your heart away and your body, for that matter. Once you make the commitment, though, you stick like glue.

Hope you all enjoyed that one and by the way Riders is the letter I.

Posted by: ridersonthestorm74 at January 22, 2008 1:46 PM

-N-
You are crap in bed! sorry :(
-O-
You are very interested in sexual activities yet secretive and shy about your desires. You can re-channel much of your sexual energy into making money and/or seeking power. You can easily have extended periods of celibacy. You are a passionate, compassionate, sexual lover, requiring the same qualities from your mate. Sex is serious business; thus you demand intensity diversity, and are willing to try anything or anyone. Sometimes your passions turn to possessiveness, which must be kept in check.
-P-
You are very conscious of social proprieties. You wouldn't think of doing anything that might harm your image or reputation. Appearances count, therefore, you require a good-looking partner. You also require an intelligent partner. Oddly enough, you may view your partner as your enemy; a good fight stimulates those sex vibes. You are free of sexual hang-ups. You are willing to experiment and try new ways of doing things. You are very social and sensual; you enjoy flirting and need a good deal of physical gratification.
-Q-
You require constant activity and stimulation. You have tremendous physical energy. It is not easy for a partner to keep up with you, sexually or otherwise. You are an enthusiastic lover and tend to be attracted to people of other ethnic groups. You need romance, hearts and flowers, and lots of conversation to turn you on and keep you going.
-R-
You are a no-nonsense, action-oriented individual. You need someone who can keep pace with you and who is your intellectual equal the smarter the better. You are turned on more quickly by a great mind than by a great body. However, physical attractiveness is very important to you. You have to be proud of your partner. You are privately very sexy, but you do not bed, you are willing to serve as teacher. Sex is important; you can be a very demanding playmate.
-S-
You are secretive, self-contained, and shy. You are very sexy, sensual, and passionate, but you do not let on to this. Only in intimate privacy will this part of your nature reveal itself. When it gets down to the nitty-gritty, you are an expert. You know all the little tricks of the trade, can play any role or any game, and take your love life very seriously. You don't fool around. You have the patience to wait for the right person to come along.
-T-
You are very sensitive, private, and sexually passive; you like a partner who takes the lead. Music, soft lights and romantic thoughts turn you on. You fantasize, but do not tend to fall in and out of love easily.. When in love, you are romantic, idealistic, mushy, and extremely intense. You enjoy having your senses and your feelings stimulated, titillated, and teased.. You are a great flirt. You can make your relationships fit your dreams, oftentimes all in your own head.
-U-
You are enthusiastic and idealistic when in love. When not in love, you are in love with love, always looking for someone to adore. You see romance as a challenge. You are a roamer and need adventure, excitement, and freedom. You deal in potential relationships. You enjoy giving gifts and enjoy seeing your mate looking good. Your sex drive is strong and you desire instant gratification. You are willing to put your partner's pleasures above your own.

Posted by: ridersonthestorm74 at January 22, 2008 1:45 PM

-F-
You are idealistic and romantic, putting your lover on a pedestal. You look for the very best mate you can find. You are a flirt, yet once comitted, you are very loyal. You are sensuous, sexual, and privately passionate. Publicly, you can be showy, extravagant, and gallant. You are born romantic. Dramatic love scenes are your favourite fantasy pastime. You can be a very generous lover.
-G-
You are fastidious, seeking perfection within yourself and your lover. You respond to a lover who is your intellectual equal or superior, and one who can enhance your status. You are sensuous and know how to reach the peak of erotic stimulation, because you work at it meticulously. You can be extremely active sexually that is, when you find the time. Your duties and responsibilities take precedence over everything else. You may have difficulty getting emotionally close to a lover, but no trouble getting close sexually.
-H-
You seek a mate who can enhance your reputation and earning ability. You will be very generous to your lover once you have attained a commitment. Your gifts are actually an investment in your partner. Before the commitment, though, you tend to be frugal in your spending and dating habits and equally cautious in your sexual involvement. You are a sensual and patient lover.
-I-
You have a great need to be loved, appreciated... Even worshipped. You enjoy luxury, sensuality, and pleasures of the flesh. You look for lovers who know what they are doing. You are not interested in an amateur, unless that amateur wants a tutor. You are fussy and exacting about having your desires satisfied. You are willing to experiment and try new modes of sexual expression. You bore easily and thus require sexual adventure and change. You are more sensual than sexual, but you are sometimes downright lustful.
-J-
You can be very romantic, attached to the glamour of love. Having a partner is of paramount importance to you. You are free in your expression of love and are willing to take chances, try new sexual experiences and partners, provided it's all in good taste. Brains turn you on. You must feel that your partner is intellectually stimulating, otherwise you will find it difficult to sustain the well. Only you see her. You require loving, cuddling, wining, and dining to know that you're being appreciated.
-K-
You are totally fucking marvellous!
-L-
You are very romantic, idealistic, and somehow you believe that to love means to suffer. You wind up serving your mate or attracting people who have unusual troubles. You see yourself as your lover's saviour. You are sincere, passionate, lustful, and dreamy. You can't help falling in love. You fantasize and get turned on by movies and magazines. You do not tell others of this secret life, nor of your sexual fantasies.
-M-
You are emotional and intense. When involved in a relationship, you throw your entire being into it. Nothing stops you; there are no holds barred. You are all consuming and crave someone who is equally passionate and intense.. You believe in total sexual freedom. You are willing to try anything and everything. Your supply of sexual energy is inexhaustible. You also enjoy mothering your mate.

Posted by: ridersonthestorm74 at January 22, 2008 1:43 PM

Posted by: timewarp1 at January 22, 2008 3:47 AM

my my - the 'silence of the lambs'...
Good for you timewarp!

Posted by: mrsteppenwolf at January 22, 2008 1:24 PM

How good are you in bed?
According to studies, the first letter of your first name reveals your sexual identity... What do you think?
My sympathies to anyone whose name begins with N ;)
________________________________________
-A-
You are not particularly romantic, but you are interested in action. You mean business. With you, what you see is what you get. You have no patience for flirting and can't be bothered with someone who is trying to be coy, cute, demure, and subtly enticing. You are an up front person. When it comes to sex, it's action that counts not obscure hints. Your mate's physical attractiveness is important to you. You find the chase and challenge of the "hunt" invigorating. You are passionate and sexual as well as being much more adventurous than you appear; however, you do not go around advertising these qualities. Your physical needs are your primary concern.
-B-
You give off vibes of lazy sensuality. You enjoy being romanced, wined, and dined. You are very happy to receive gifts as an expression of the affection of your lover. You want to be pampered and know how to pamper your mate. You are private in your expression of endearments and particularly when it comes to lovemaking. You will hold off until everything meets with your approval. You can control your appetite and abstain from sex if need be. You require new sensations and experiences. You are willing to experiment.
-C-
You are a very social individual; you must be able to talk to your sex partner before. You want the object of your affection to be socially acceptable and good looking. You see your lover as a friend and companion. You are very sexual and sensual, needing someone to appreciate and almost worship you. When this cannot be achieved, you have the ability to go for long periods without sexual activity. You are an expert at controlling your desires and doing without.
-D-
Once you get it into your head that you want someone, you move full steam ahead in pursuit. You do not give up your quest easily. You are nurturing and caring. If someone has a problem, this turns you on. You are highly sexual, passionate, loyal, and intense in you’re involvement, sometimes possessive and jealous. Sex to you is a pleasure to be enjoyed. The eccentric and unusual, having a free and open stimulate you.
-E-
Your greatest need is to talk. If your date is not a good listener, you have trouble relating. A person must be intellectually stimulating or you are not interested sexually. You need a friend for a lover and a companion for a bed mate. You hate disharmony and disruption, but you do enjoy a good argument once in a while it seems to stir things up. You flirt a lot, for the challenge is more important than the sexual act for you, but once you give your heart away, you are uncompromisingly loyal. When you don't have a good lover to fall asleep with, you will fall asleep with a good book. (Sometimes, in fact, you prefer a good book.)

Posted by: ridersonthestorm74 at January 22, 2008 1:20 PM

9.” We’re just too different”

~translation~ Yes, the sexes are different. You are also different because you are not the same person. Lame excuse for not being attracted to you.

LOL! My ex used this after 9 years... I thank him everyday!! LOL!

Posted by: proudmum1973 at January 22, 2008 11:55 AM

HOW TO TELL YOU ARE GETTING THE BRUSH OFF

11 OF THE MOST COMMON EXCUSES.

1.”I don’t have time for a relationship right now. I’m too busy”

~ translation~ I do have plenty of time, as I could ALWAYS make time for someone I am REALLY interested in- but I just don’t want to spend it with you.

2.” Let’s just be friends”

~translation~ I am in no way romantically attracted to you at all, however, if I fail to get sex with a woman that I am hot for, I may still try and get a little action on the side with you if I can get away with it.

3.” I love you too much and it scares me”

~translation~ meant to be seen as “flattery”. Would a guy not want a woman because she is too hot, or how about a woman that won’t keep seeing a guy because she loves him too much ? Yeah..right.

4.”I just don’t feel I can be in a sexual relationship right now”

~translation~ No chemistry

5. “Things just aren’t working out”

~translation~ I an not attracted to you ENOUGH to try and work things out.

6. “ I’m going back to my ex”

~ translation~ Im going back to my ex because you weren’t the love of my life. If I really wanted you, I would stay with you.

7. There’s no chemistry.

~translation~ there’s no chemistry.

8.” I could never make you happy”

~translation~ As there is nothing such as “I can’t” they mean “ I won’t”

9.” We’re just too different”

~translation~ Yes, the sexes are different. You are also different because you are not the same person. Lame excuse for not being attracted to you.

10.” I am not happy”

~translation~ It basically means “ I am not attracted to you. Sorry”

11. “ I don’t love you” or other variations of this including “ I love you, but I am not ‘In Love” with you

~translation~ if you ever hear this one, it’s a lost cause.

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 22, 2008 11:48 AM

Proudmum73.are you trying to be part of ODE blogging trilogy along with the rest of Lon Chaney's many faces ?

Posted by: twobits at January 21, 2008 8:56 PM

What? okay now i am confused... I was only asking if somebody could explain all these abbreviations to me? Sorry for being new to RSVP and actually asking instead of pretending i know? I've never done this internet chat or dating before so maybe i am naive or something, but to me you seemed to be having a go at me? Why are you so aggressive?

Posted by: proudmum1973 at January 22, 2008 11:15 AM

This is a biggy. Can you find love on RSVP? Well, I have been on here a whiloe now, because I don't really go out a get drunk in hope to meet guys and it's sometimes really difficult knowing if that guy you'd like to talk to at the bar or whatever is single or even interested. I've made some great male friends off RSVP, but unfortunatly, I've had some negative experiences that have put me off meeting guys. For example. Men wanting to meet the "Perfect 10" and only wanting to pursue something if they feel something straight away. That kind of pressure is almost too much because really, who can live up to those kinds of expectations when your first just trying to get to know someone. There have been some guys that I've met through RSVP where there attitudes have been abit all or nothing,which again-leaves no room for a real friendship (which is what I think all quality relationships should be based on) leaving only dissapointment from both sides. I get really dissollutioned with the whole thing sometimes because it really shouldn't be so hard to meet someone you click with, but the reality is that if your not going to bars all the time, it is. On the other side of things, I remind myself there are some genuine people on here, like myself; that sincerely would like to meet someone for that companionship and don't want to play games and care about not getting hurt and not hurting other peoples feelings if they aren't interested, but there are always a few bad eggs that spoil it for the sincere ones. All you can do is not try and let those experiences taint you and hope that you find what you're looking for on here. Really, what other choices are there? A)Give up
B)Go back to the bar scene
C)Be alone and happy but not fully satisfied because you not getting what you want because you don't have someone to share it all with
D)Constantly complain about it
E) Accept it for what it is,see it as an opportunity to meet people and try not to become jaded by the few bad eggs.

I chose E. Really, there is no other choice.

Posted by: getthemostoutoflife at January 22, 2008 9:53 AM

ISTJ @8.58am 20th and JENJEN @ 10.43 and 11.11am:

Oh dear oh dear! And Ooooowah!

Just spent a few hours skimming all of this relationships blog for the first time (too busy going out RSVP dating, till now) and I see that the relationship police now have me in their sights, for serial dating, no less.

Reminds me of when I was doing unskilled metalwork during Uni Xmas vacation in 1957 and had to step-drill 30,000 Victa carbie clamps. The only interesting bit was my riding instructions.

The bloke working beside me explained it: "If you do under 1000 a day, the foreman won't be happy. And the Darg is 1100."

"What's a Darg?" I asked.

"That's how many you can do, before the Union gets unhappy with you, for making it too hard for the rest of us."

I didn't want no trouble from no-one, so I set up an efficient workplace layout, worked briskly as if I was fair-dinkum, and did a number between 1020 and 1050 each day.

That took between 2 1/2 and 3 hours, so I had the rest of every day for over a month free on full pay, to wander around the big factory and watch how everyone else did their jobs. Very educational for a mechanical engineering student.

The foreman and the shop steward were both happy, and that made 3 of us.

Things don't change a lot. I suspect that I'm really in trouble today for exceeding some as-yet-unspecified DATE DARG that you lot are trying to impose on me, so that I don't make it too hard for less-industrious others to keep up.

ISTJ and I were separately discussing this in the Kitchen (20th, 9.03am, 11.43am, 3.06pm, and then my unanswered tease at 12.57am on 21st. Aren't you going to bite, ISTJ? Oh do bite! Pretty please!)

I've been criticised for excessive effort and/or enthusiasm all my life.

Before I started my business at 47 (25 years ago last Friday) I'd worked for 9 immediate superiors in 6 firms over 25 years. One boss said "Go Bill - the better you are, the better I look."

The other 8 had as #1 on their daily To Do lists, trying to make me look less useful to the organisation. Twenty years of it, and my ankles are still deeply scarred.

Australian dislike of tall poppies stems from love of the easy, undemanding life, and annoyance with anyone who dares to raise the bar. Easier to sledge them as try-hards than to achieve something comparable yourself, to avoid comparisons that you might privately choose to make, and then privately choose to allow to dent your ego.

Some writers assert that it had its origins in 18th-century downtrodden slum jealousy of useless effete toffs, but it's counter-productive in the 21st-century's global economy.

Today's industrious Australian-chinese children will call the shots here when they're 50, and will deserve to. (We've had Chemistry and Physics, and that was Economic History.)

As a teenager I was gobsmacked by the Parable of the Talents. My only really finite resource is time - to try to fit my wide life into my narrow lifespan. So I over-achieve and generally live to excess with the clearest of consciences, and catch up on my sleep when I must, eg. 1am-10am today, after 5.30am-9.30am on Sunday morning.

The only argument that I can think of against serial dating is this: At the end of a first date that was pleasant and lasted its usual 3 to 5 hours, once the woman takes my earlier invitation to choose when our date will end, I always ask her whether she would like to see me again, and how soon. (I believe that the woman deserves to get first veto - a chivalry thing.)

* If she says "No", I agree with her, whether I fancy her or not, but thank her for the pleasure that one dose of her company has given me, while we checked one another out.

* If she says yes, I ask her how soon. If she says Soon, and I fancy her too, I whip out my appointment diary and "close" as FP's 'TEN MALE FAILINGS' unacknowledged male author calls it.

I try for 5-7 days later - a decent cooling-off period, in case she changes her mind, once I'm not there to keep hypnotising her.

* If I'm less keen but she's pleasant company, I say Yes let's, but my life is over-full (the truth) so can I get back to you in a few weeks, when the smoke has cleared? And I do, inside a month. But we rarely have a 3rd date.

* If she says Yes, but not for a while, and I'm keener than that, I ask her how soon I may phone her, or would she rather phone me when she has a quiet week?

* If she says yes, but not soon, and I'm not very keen either, I ask her who should phone who, and after about how long? And it often doesn't ever happen. Just fades away.

It's a branching programme that depends on the wishes of both parties.
And it's only about whether the first date should be followed by a second, for Eros' sake! Not will we be The One.

My detractors say: How can you possibly have any idea, let alone a classification, after one 3-hour date, when they claim they can't?

In a word, I believe I work harder at it. To me a first date actually is something really important. I print and reread her profile, so I can have questions ready, in case she's shy.

Once there, I focus intently on what she says, and guess what that means. Keep looking into her face. Watch her body language. Find myself mirroring a lot, unless we have too little in common.

Look her up and down but not too intrusively, and wonder if I'd like her to be on the other side of the breakfast table, the other side of the bed AND the other side of the brisk-walking footpath - in five years time.

By the time she's ready to part, I've done a lot of listening (I try to get her to talk 50 to 70% of the time,) empathising, relating and thinking, and I have no trouble knowing whether
* I want to see her again, and badly;
* I'd like to see her again, as long as she's equally keen, or
* I can face my future, without her in it.

I'm a lot older than you lot, and got a lot less time left. I need to be fair dinkum about channelling enough of my time and energy into dating, to get an acceptable result within a reasonable period.

I can't be as choosy as you lot can, or I risk dying before I get to heaven.

And I do rather enjoy a bit of a stir, when I can spare the time from earning my rent, playing tennis 2 nights a week, dancing, supporting my friends when they're in need, and searching for Ms Right-enuff who thinks I'm Mr Right-enuff.

Which is reasonably close in my case. I believe I deserve most of the wish list in my perfect partner profile, or I wouldn't have been so cocksure as to list it all.

Look at the time! Even in Brisbane! Night all.

Posted by: timewarp1 at January 22, 2008 3:47 AM

Really, I have to remind you beautifully neurotic (tantalisingly neurotic, irrestistibly neurotic) bloggers that the feelings that you THINK are luuuuuurve have nothing to do with love. Romantic love was invented a couple of centuries ago--as was the idea of "FAMILY". They go hand-in-hand really.

Posted by: diamondblue2 at January 22, 2008 1:38 AM

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 22, 2008 12:45 AM

After a time, you may find that "having" is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as "wanting." It is not logical, but it is often true.
Spock, "Amok Time"
stardate 3372.7

Conquest is easy. Control is not.
Kirk, "Mirror, Mirror"
stardate unknown

Posted by: mrsteppenwolf at January 22, 2008 1:05 AM

Oh jenjen57, I know kitchen on the trend now! I will volunteer myself a kitchen-hand on your wedding reception...pls. hurry up to find your groom!

Posted by: aliane at January 16, 2008 10:32 PM

Jen, I will be a drinks waitress or something.

Alaine: I hope you have not left us..have been snowed under with working long hours and not able to keep up with the blogs. We will miss your humour and style if you go. Your tales of your life and unique world view enhance this blog. Farout I can not get to the end of it tonight. Its all good of course. Your prince will come surely Aliane.

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 22, 2008 1:04 AM

...and sometimes "all" the pleasure is just in the wanting and the yearning for something...not actually having it...we might not know what to do with it when we get it!

Posted by: istj54 at January 19, 2008 9:40 PM

I posted that last one a bit early.
And that can be a trap, because maybe we've been so wrapped in the challenge, that we've lost sight of the person who we wanted so badly, and lost sight of what they want, and then just damage everything anyway.
Aliane - make sense now?

Posted by: today122 at January 19, 2008 9:07 PM

What if we savour the moment we are in? Whether alone or with a partner? Make the most of every day we have and just be? Not investing everything we have into a future event but living now...oh and being happy within ourselves.

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 22, 2008 12:45 AM

twobits, lighten up a bit, this is supposed to be fun...everything we eat is supposed to give us a chance of getting cancer or some other disease....you just gotta enjoy life and take a risk....so enjoy that peanut butter sandwich.

Night all...jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at January 22, 2008 12:15 AM

kittenheels and dolphin, putting my peanut butter theory to the test...hehehehe.

True though, all the girls and giys in the group house I lived in while at college, we all ate it by the bucket load, and we always got laid...some goes for chocolate and and those fuuny leaves that eneded up in cookies!!!! God we had fun at 19.....have a lovely time working out relationships in the kitchen...I reckon friends with benefits might be the way to go....night now ....jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at January 22, 2008 12:05 AM

Peanut butter an aphrodisiac?.....I have been eating it everyday lately it's taken over from my chocolate addiction!

Posted by: misswendyxx at January 21, 2008 11:13 PM

No willow .... missed the naked men reference ... thank goodness. Too much food on here .... or was that the reference?

Posted by: woodnwine at January 21, 2008 11:01 PM

Willow, we wait with bated breath for the thrilling conclusion to the trilogy...... Then and only then will the doubters who question our combined relevance to this topic have to eat their words.... and no they do not get to share fillet mignon, asparagus or dessert. Only the true believers kitten, today,wishful and the trilogy lord will feast :)... oh and me too

Posted by: dolphin46 at January 21, 2008 10:58 PM

I never realised that peanut butter was an aphrodesiac, could explain a few things. Thanks Dolphin for the cheesecake! I shall be over in a jiffy, or not, maybe it's just time to sleep!

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 21, 2008 10:46 PM

hey dolphine - I wanted the cheese cake! and it's too hot here tonight, it will melt too fast.
Anyone know yet if we can really truly find love here? and if we could, who would still be here to write about it ?

Posted by: today122 at January 21, 2008 10:44 PM

Thanks Kitten, Peanut butter on my must buy list.

Wishful, i would have put your piece of cheese cake in fridge but as I have no kitchen I put it on the T.V its there waiting for you.

Posted by: dolphin46 at January 21, 2008 10:30 PM

Next few days? It takes that long to come up with the food of love....a good dessert?

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 21, 2008 10:26 PM

twobits, sorry I will have to pass on the migration agency.

I will be busy over the next few days cooking Part 3.

Goodnight all.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 21, 2008 10:23 PM

dolphine: peanut butter is a great help to realtionships (see I can do it!). Its aphrodesiac qualities can enhance a relationship ... or in my case ... just make me hungry for more

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 21, 2008 10:22 PM

Here you go bloggers...RSVP is doing a Valentines Speed Dating attempt to get into the Guiness Book of Records (why?? I have NO idea). All over the country, not just in Brisbane, so off you all go, I expect the blogs to be very quiet that night

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 21, 2008 10:21 PM

I love watching people buy a huge feed of fish and chips then get a bottle of diet coke. Who is handing out the cheesecake? And where is mine???

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 21, 2008 10:19 PM

Ok I am willing to learn, fill me in on the properties of peanut butter........... if i eat it will it make my relationships healthier........ ( just making it relate to topic)

Posted by: dolphin46 at January 21, 2008 10:17 PM

hello dolphin, Part 3 of the trilogy must wait for another night. WF03 has refused to assist me, so start from scratch I must. Just cannot get a good kitchenhand these days.

Part 3 will be a story about fillet mignion, mash base, asparagus, love songs from the 70 and 80's, moonlit nights. Yes, dessert will be present in all its sweet glory and we can round dinner out with sherry if you please.

If I set the scene until this point in the evening, perhaps you can finsh the story for us as it seems I have caused enough disquiet over the past two days?

The reaction to the completed story will once and forever answer the question about what role the kitchen plays in RELATIONSHIP MATTERS. Note: on topic, really it is.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 21, 2008 10:16 PM

hey today122 - glad to see you are home now .. thanks for the use of your porch ... here is the sherry ... mmmmm peanut butter ....

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 21, 2008 10:11 PM

sue - is that like having a diet coke with the macca's, and don't forget the fries???

but dolphin - kitten much prefers peanut butter, knowing full well its other - ah – qualities, so the cheesecake’s probably all yours. But can I have a little spoonful please.
And a wee drop of sherry ta

Posted by: today122 at January 21, 2008 10:08 PM

i love ice cream ...

there you go dolphin ... hope you like the sherry

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 21, 2008 10:07 PM

Sue, Icecream and me just dont seem to get along too well - and I forgot the lean one tonight so I've switched to Hot Cross buns, (although in January that seems a little weird)...

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 21, 2008 10:06 PM

hi db2, nice to see you back. Sorry I cannot help you with "I would like this" context. Perhaps it was part of the many posts about cooking being the avenue to a womans heart.

PS Loved you post on Jan 18, 12:09PM about chemistry.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 21, 2008 10:05 PM

wishfulthinker03. You don't like ice cream? I thought everyone loved ice cream and yes it goes well with lean cuisine

Posted by: sue4you at January 21, 2008 10:02 PM

So now that steak was a disaster (must relate it to love somehow....stay on topic or be moderated) though it is full of protein which must be related to love in a roundabout way....... can we now try the third part of the trilogy which surely must be dessert???? And related to love we all know what comes after dessert....

Kitten not really fond of apple pie, much rather a rich cheese cake with a little cream and yes pass the sherry please

Posted by: dolphin46 at January 21, 2008 9:58 PM

WnW, in case you missed the post by WF03 the topic did move to naked men. Add burnt snags by twobits and I have no idea where this is leading, however it may be out of the kitchen.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 21, 2008 9:48 PM

Cos its more fun than relationship stuff, we just go with the flow and ice cream is yummy.

Posted by: dolphin46 at January 21, 2008 9:36 PM

Saves switching screens WnW??

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 21, 2008 9:34 PM

sorry dolphin .. had my mouth full .. that apple pie was delicious ... have saved some sherry for you ...

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 21, 2008 9:33 PM

Wow...never thought to marry to claim a student allowance! This working for a living is obviously not the way to go...wonder if I actually have to live with them, or simply marry them...

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 21, 2008 9:29 PM

Why are we talking about cooking on both blogs....?

Posted by: woodnwine at January 21, 2008 9:29 PM

Well I go for half an hour...(computer problems) back to no ice cream or dessert and to make matters worse, two bits is being a grump as usual.
Kitten and wishful what is going in??

Posted by: dolphin46 at January 21, 2008 9:26 PM

twobits, nice to see a man equally adept as me.

You and I will be single forever.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 21, 2008 9:26 PM

Kitten and WF03, I did not take either into account.

They should not allow men into the kitchen, I had no idea how perilous cooking by naked men could be.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 21, 2008 9:21 PM

Hey Willow...I hope you kept in mind that all those ancient Greek Olympians were naked :)

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 21, 2008 9:14 PM

WF03 ... why thank you ... and straight back at ya ...
ummm willow ... didn't WF03 say nothing that bounced through the back paddock?

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 21, 2008 9:14 PM

Part 2 of the Trilogy, Relationships Matter in the Kitchen - Pepper steak, a story to hot to publish.

Newly armed with the knowledge that cooking skills are needed to find love, tonight I attempted to cook the perfect pepper steak. Unfortunately, kind bloggers you did not prepare me well for this undertaking.

After great consideration of the task at hand, I embarked upon this journey with trepidation knowing no bounds. Seeking relationship nirvana I fought back fear as great as any of the early explorers faced.

This was to be no ordinary journey, danger lurked at every corner, some seen, some not. For I have a gas cook top, an explosive gas, it hisses and crackles. After negotiating the peril of setting this volatile substance alight, it seeks to mesmerise you by its merry dance, a flicker in this direction then in that, inviting you to capture it but always remaining uncontained. A warm glow, red, yellow and blue emanates as it consumes oxygen in the air to remain alive. I have no desire to be similarly consumed, so I approach it with care determined to maintain a safe distance. If necessary I can flee with immediacy should it seek to embrace me in its murderous filaments.

Comfortable in the knowledge I have passed this first test, as did ancient Greek gods many eons ago, I set forth ready to dress the finest example of steak known to man. Fillet steak so tender it felt ready to fall apart in my hands; I knew I would need to apply the peppers with such tenderness that even the finest human skin could barely feel the touch if so applied.

These were to be cracked peppers, so fresh and powerful they defined astringent in a manner only a man made of hearty material could survive. New shaker freshly charged with the peppers I began the process of breathing fire into this inanimate piece of protein.

Lacking suitable directions about how to use the implement of pepper distribution, I shook and shook the container with all my strength but the peppers would not crack. Swearing and cursing with a vigour that surprised me, I could not coax these little round things to shed their shell.

I found myself frustrated at their defiance, as if children determined to maintain stout refusal despite my best efforts. Being a determined man, I refused to give ground for no pepper was going to defeat me.

I banged the shaker, threw it a distance any Olympian would be proud about, including the ancient Greeks, over and over again. The peppers did not crack; their aroma was to be forever sealed in a place unreachable by me.

Suitably chastised, ego bruised I conceded defeat. I had relented to the evil forces that were so determined to prevent my ascension to relationship nirvana. Unadorned steak it must be, to be consumed as has been in recent past, alone.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 21, 2008 9:09 PM

Oh I see how it is Willow...first you tell me you hardly know me so no dessert for me (despite Tambelina getting the full treatment), then you say I can share with the kitty (such a nice girl she is too), now you want me to help you write the rest of your trilogy??? But Willow, I hardly know you! (Well okay, just a bit).

Twobits...I have no desire to entertain you with my dating tales. I thought you were done with RSVP and had greener (much greener) pastures worldwide

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 21, 2008 9:06 PM

twobits: what dating experiences? ... just sitting here all on my own eating my apple pie ...

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 21, 2008 9:05 PM

twobits I tried last night to leave the kitchen in this blog, but to no avail.

It appears to our woman folk that the kitchen is important for "Relationship Matters". With a little flexibility, pehaps you to can go with the flow to see in which direction this stream will take us.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 21, 2008 9:00 PM

Oh I see Willow, you are prepared to steam "fingers" (personally I'll just take the pie) for Tambelina - humpfff....I see how it goes :)

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 21, 2008 8:59 PM

Sorry this was posted earlier but seems to have disappeared...

Wow Willow what are you on?! I'm sure that you may have looked at my profile but did you actually read it? Or is character assassination a hobby of yours? Perhaps you practice selective reading as well as hearing...

Somehow having friends around for a party or dinner gets changed to me wanting to devour men like an entree with a nice Chianti and saying "a glass of wine and roaring fire are NOT necessarily a prerequisite for this (ie a cuddle)" is now something that I supposedly insist upon? Do you actually know what a quote is? Thank God you aren't a journalist I suspect the courts would have a field day with your version of factual reporting. That said, noting that you work for the government, perhaps you are a spin-doctor as they do have a talent for twisting the facts for their own means or in your case amusement...

As I am also wondering if you know the meaning of eclectic I'll include Dictionary.coms definition ie.- not following any one system, as of philosophy, medicine, etc., but selecting and using what are considered the best elements of all systems.

Forgive me for being frank but isn't that supposed to be a positive thing? Considering more than just one type of person? I was married to my ex for 20 years and he is far from most womens perception of handsome. But he does have several of the traits I listed as important to me - he has a great personality and a super attitude towards life - we are still the best of friends. Oh, and he's also tall ;-)

Posted by: tiasamaero at January 21, 2008 8:56 PM

Posted by: tambelina at January 21, 2008 8:28 PM

Hi good to see your post.

Posted by: mstingle at January 21, 2008 8:52 PM

FP, Sorry in taking so long to respond to your observations/misconceptions but I didn't realize that your very intense posting was directed at me as I hadn't noticed my name at the beginning. Therefore please note that I was making an observation which I have read and heard many times from friends that also use this site. Many RSVPers state honesty/integrity as a major trait that they are looking for in a potential partner. I have met several men who doctored their age by several years, this is an out and out LIE not a 'perception' and is just WRONG. Just as posting pics that look nothing like yourself is not being truthful. There is noting wrong with my attitude towards people - I just value honesty. I don't prejudge people and am happy to meet anyone since I also say that I am on this site to make friends. I state honestly what I am looking for and give a brief synopsis of things I like - isn't that what we're supposed to do or have I been misinformed? I do not want to mislead people or waste anyone's time. That said, when I do meet someone who has been less than truthful I don't walk out in a huff - I treat them as a potential friend, this may not be what they're after but then again it is my choice to make. Just as they would have the choice to make if the situation were reversed.

FP, I am new to this and was just wondering if you were aware at how rude your posting reads? Who are you, or I, or anyone else, to tell people to get OFF RSVP? Perhaps you are more judgmental than you realize...

Posted by: tiasamaero at January 21, 2008 8:50 PM

willow - .....hmmmm now that sounds more like it ...

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 21, 2008 8:49 PM

I'm over it now, injustice has been forgiven.

kittenheelsxx, you can share. WF03 you too but without the ice cream.

Instalment 2 of the trilogy "Relationship matters in the Kitchen" about the main course will be here in the next 10 minutes. It describes what can go wrong.

WF03 can you help me now, if this is a trilogy do I need to write another part, says he a daft man.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 21, 2008 8:48 PM

Oh come on Willow...what does it take to get a fattening dessert these days?

Exploitation??? And you are surprised by this? Oh Willow...so much to learn, so little time!

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 21, 2008 8:47 PM

Let us begin with a white mountain of cream covered with fresh strawberries, mango and banana. on top of a freshly made pavalova.
Take a chocolate cake mix and add 1/2 a can of black berries cook for 35mins. When cool cut in half length ways and spread a home made jam mixture made from the juice of the black berries and top with cream add the other half of the cake and top with more whipped cream then shave milk chocolate on top and spread the other half of the can of berries. vola a black forest cake to die for. enjoy

Posted by: tambelina at January 21, 2008 8:44 PM

tambelina, how about steaming hot apple pie or fingers, whipped cream freshly made, ice cream topped with halved strawberries and kiwi fruit slices.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 21, 2008 8:42 PM

Dear willow, nope I have no shame ... but would love it if you whipped up some yummy dinner and desert ...

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 21, 2008 8:40 PM

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 21, 2008 12:08 AM

It was good to meet you yesterday and you are very good company, intelligent, witty and very friendly.

Posted by: mstingle at January 21, 2008 8:39 PM

First you offend me by insulting my attempt to save face with purchased muesli, a strategy that took me a whole evening to devise. Can you see no honour in my honesty, clearly this is not the way to a long lasting relationship.

But there is more, after this you want dinner and dessert all because the house or pantry is empty.

No WF03, I will not whip you up for dessert. I hardly know you, well perhaps a little. We will need to know each other far longer before I will do as you have requested.

All of you, have you no shame. Exploitation I say.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 21, 2008 8:35 PM

Hi all. I hear that you are all looking for some delicous dessert and all you have come up with thus far is a bowl of ice-cream to share amonst us.....let me go into the kitchen of the disillusioned and see what i can whip up. I am open for suggestions as i go.

Posted by: tambelina at January 21, 2008 8:28 PM

willow1059: the fridge is empty, the house is too .... what are we going to do for dinnner?

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 21, 2008 8:14 PM

Tiasamaero 21 Jan 12:46AM, I really was not trying to stir the pot. It was simply me being playful with words.

Not all humour is blatent or crass such as is much from USA. I hope the passage of time since my post on the words in you profile helps you see it as was intended. Your profile is rich and full, you should rejoice that another person was able to read humour into it where you did not know it exists.

I do not think you were present in the Creating the Perfect Profile blog, if so I suspect you would find me to be a gentle person with great empathy.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 21, 2008 8:08 PM

Dinner....I'll take pretty much anything tonight - no one home, just me - except I'll pass on anything that walked on the ocean floor and bounced through the back paddock.

I don't really eat ice-cream so Willow can't you please whip me up something for dessert - shove the store muesli to the back of the cupboard, and we'll forget it was even there...

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 21, 2008 8:04 PM

willow .... dolphin and I are happy to share our ice cream with you ... will that suffice for desert ...

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 21, 2008 7:55 PM

It must be true from all posts I can see, the way to a womans heart is littered with food and wine by which we dine.

A sorry failure I am, muesli from the shelf did not suffice, irrespective of the price.

Well, instalment two will be here shortly, now that I have eaten and called my children.

Unfortunately, no dessert to be seen. Please with your comments do not be mean.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 21, 2008 7:53 PM

dolphin ... you better hurry up just in case ...

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 21, 2008 7:50 PM

Wishfulthinker, maybe you can suggest the dinner menu.We have only seen part 1 of the trilogy after all...waiting with bated breath for dessert menu.

Kitten now on a bottle of red,may need the sherry for afters...can you save me a little?

Posted by: dolphin46 at January 21, 2008 7:35 PM

wishfulthinker03: and it was bought muesli too!

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 21, 2008 7:34 PM

Willow.....that was all a bit mushy....at least the muesli was crisp!

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 21, 2008 7:30 PM

sprinkles dolphin ... always sprinkles ...

BTW: How is your sherry, does it need topping up?

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 21, 2008 7:29 PM

Sure kittenheels.... maybe willow is busy at moment replying to hundreds of kisses from last nights food fest. By the way kitten do you want yours with or without smiley face????

Posted by: dolphin46 at January 21, 2008 7:27 PM

hello dolphin ... can you pass the ice cream tub as it appears that is all we are going to get ....

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 21, 2008 7:22 PM

Dear willow ... now for somebody with the obvious cerebal brain matter that you have ... you have failed to make a simple home-made musli for me for breakfast!

As I have previously said ... a man who can cook is sexy

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 21, 2008 7:21 PM

Willow while you are in kitchen may I please have the ice cream with wafer and smiley face...pretty please. I would make it myself but as kitchen now rented out I can't get in. Only do ice cream after you have satisfied kittenheels with her muesli....

Posted by: dolphin46 at January 21, 2008 7:18 PM

willow here again. Part 1 of a trilogy, Relationship Matters in the Kitchen

Last night my lack of culinary expertise was so cruelly exposed for all to see. Tonight I seek restitution so I may again stand tall among my blogger peers. Since both breakfast and dinner were covered last night I will address these in separate posts.

For this is an exercise in salvation, one intended to save me from the hell of relationship abyss. It appears cooking is the key ingredient for a successful relationship.

My dear kittenheelsxx (post Jan 20 10:52PM), I with great humility must concede that home made muesli is a bridge too far for me. Corn Flakes, Oats and Weet-Bix adorn my breakfast table. At one time so did Rice Bubbles, however with advancing years I have found the snap crackle pop to be most disconcerting. I confuse these cereal sounds with those I hear when I arise from bed in the winter months. So I attempt to arise from bed twice, once as I awake and again at the breakfast table. Needless to say my children view this with great delight, confident in the knowledge they know far more than Dad. At times, I wonder whether they see a Fruit Loop in me.

We live far apart, you in Melbourne, I in Adelaide. Would you find cyber breakfast acceptable, this would help overcome the difficulties encountered with time zones and distance which have been explored earlier in this forum.

Using this modality I can substitute home made muesli with one I source from the supermarket. I assure you I will buy only best, after all you deserve no less. From the great distance that keeps us apart, I promise you will not be able to tell the difference.

So it shall be the finest muesli money can buy, served in fine china. Over it a light dressing of full cream milk, slightly chilled to maintain the crunch. Only fresh fruit can complete this meal, Pink Lady apple sliced fine to preserve the sweetness, Banana for texture, Strawberries to bring out the rosy glow in your lips and cheeks. Accompanied by orange juice rich in flavour, fresh and bright. I say udderly delightful.

I hope this may serve as my penance for being so challenged in the kitchen.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 21, 2008 6:43 PM

FP - hopefully it applies to most women.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 21, 2008 6:31 PM

Willow--

willow1059 at January 20, 2008 6:52 PM

I haven't got time to read thru endless posts, so could you please fill me in, so to speak?? It was something about that "I would like this..?

Posted by: diamondblue2 at January 21, 2008 5:53 PM

Woodnwine- I haven't done a meta analysis on the actual statistics, so therefore cant provide you with the standard deviation, let alone if infact the null hypothesis was even accepted or rejected.

So you just may have to take my word for it, generalised though it may well indeed be-lol

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 21, 2008 4:46 PM

FP - thanks for that last post .... I wonder what proportion of women it applies to.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 21, 2008 4:36 PM

THE TOP 10 REASONS WHY WOMEN FAIL IN RELATIONSHIPS

1) TRYING TO NEGOTIATE AWAY RISKS

Ok girls, reality check here: relationships are all about risk. Whenever you get involved with someone and start to fall for them you risk getting your heart broken. I'm sorry that's the way it is. If you don't, then you're avoiding investing yourself in the relationship, and you'll never have anything meaningful or fulfilling.

That's not my rule by the way - it was here long before I arrived. Men risk getting their hearts broken too just like we do.

So best not to expect men to take huge risks, jump through hoops or bend over backwards for you and then assure you that you'll never have to take any risks. It aint going to work any time soon.

2) THINKING YOUR THE ONLY GIRL A GUY HAS HIS EYE ON

Some men focus (actually "fixate") on only one girl and then do everything they can to be with her. Of course, her most likely reaction is to push back because that's just far too much responsibility for any one person.
These guys often wonder why women can't see what good catches they are.

On the flip side, the men women DO want to be with learn how to make you think you're the only one. That is part of their strategy with you.

It doesn't mean that he won't choose you as an exclusive partner, but In fact, most guys that are worth your time have a number of things they want in order to trade their freedom for being with you exclusively.

What are those things? Well, there are some obvious ones such as having a good, healthy sex partner, someone that's a team player, someone that has their best interests at heart, someone he finds attractive, etc., but there are many others that are unique to each guy.

Here's some great advice: learn what your man wants in his life in order to willingly give up his freedom and then simply be that woman. Doing anything less usually end in tears. And not his.

3) TELEPHONE GAMES

Its OK to be difficult to reach for genuine reasons, such as you have a full and interesting life..work,.friends, kids, ..you get the picture

So, here's the rule:

* you return every phone call you get
* if you're interested in a guy, you initiate at least one phone call for every one that he initiates

Doing anything different isn't "strategic" or playing hard to get as he will think you aren't interested in him and will move on to find a woman who is.

4) LISTENING TO OTHER WOMEN

If they are in, or have had a successful long term relationship in the past and men flock to them like bees to honey..then you can listen to them.

For any other woman, smile sweetly, the do the opposite of what she says.

5) BECOMING A CRAZY DRAMA QUEEN, or EXPECTINH TOO MUCH FAR TOO EARLY

Don't unload how much you've been hurt in your past relationships on the first date or mention the ex.

Don't expect men to listen to your stories or tell them about the deep, 6 month-long depression you fell into when your cat died.

Another thing you should absolutely avoid is trashing ex's on the first, second or third date. Look, we've all had bad experiences with people of the opposite sex. Most guys don't cry about it, so you don't often hear it. On the other hand, women seem bent on telling every guy she ever dates about the one that didn't call her back.

No guy that you'd be interested in is going to put up with this for very long. They may hang around and have sex with you, but they will be gone right afterward and you'll be left wondering what happened.

They won't tell you what happened either, they'll just be looking for someone that isn't neurotic or crazy, and that doesn't expect to spend the weekend with her folks on the 3rd date.

6) DATING JERKS

Yes, I know; you constantly wonder why jerks are so attracted to you. Here's the reality: it's not that jerks are attracted to you, it's that YOU are attracted to - and seek out - jerks!

There's something dangerous and exciting about dating these guys and you honestly believe that you can change them from being jackasses to being the good men you believe they can be.

You first have to decide exactly what it is that you want in your life. I hope that you want a healthy, happy, loving relationship with someone that respects you - and probably many other things.

Once you decide these things clearly, decide that you're not going to chase guys that don't meet this ideal.
Hanging on to some guy that mistreats you, lies to you and is generally a jerk; all in the hopes you can change him is NEVER going to work any time soon, in the future, or in fact EVER.

7) IGNORE YOUR SEXUALITY & PUT THE BRAKES ON AT EVERY TURN

You need to understand your own sexuality if you want men to understand it because they will eventually give up trying to figure you out. Then, they'll go find the girl that does know hers and can explain it to them.

8) FOCUSING ON WHAT YOU GET, NOT WHAT YOU GIVE

I love reading dating profiles. They tell you a ton about the person. They all say, "I love to have fun and laugh", (Really? Wow, I've never imagined that anyone else could want to have fun or enjoy laughing before! What a unique girl she must be!), and then they rush head-long into a list of "must haves" from the guys.

If you don't bring anything to the table, don't be surprised when great guys don't go rushing to be with you. Trust me on this one: you can have anything you want in your life if you bring enough to the table to get it.

9) LAYING OUT YOUR AGENDA

Self explanatory.

Kills mystery. Kills intrigue.

You will be seen as a needy pushover. He may still sleep with you, and then will say stuff like “ I’m not sure how I feel. It’s not me its you”

Don’t be naive, Its YOU.

10) TRADING SEX FOR ANYTHING ELSE

If you like a guy and want to get to know him better, feel free to have sex with him when you feel ready.

However, DO NOT tell him that you want something in return for it. In other words, don't expect that he'll then jump through hoops, spend the holidays with you, take you on a trip somewhere, buy you something expensive or freely give you his undying love and propose if you'll just have sex with him.

Here's a little secret you should understand:
With most men, sex is your ticket through the door with them, but extremely few men will give you their hearts until they've been intimate with you.

If you put a price on that, their reaction is to hold back - and they withhold their emotional selves. At that very instant his plans usually change. He'll give you some of what you want right up to the point to have sex with you, and then, he will bolt.

**Disclaimer-posted for entertainment purposes only and to provide evidence that I am not sexist ..however, no correspondence will be entered into.

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 21, 2008 4:11 PM

You are not allowed to post on the new blog because it says quite clearly- Only those who have succeeded in finding love on rsvp are allowed to post on this blog.

Like me. I’ve found the Love Of My Life on rsvp. All 20 of them. See.

Sometimes I wonder if I should eat more monogamy with chilli sauce and stick to romantic food recipes.

Posted by: neuroticfish at January 21, 2008 4:08 PM

Just letting all those who didn't come know, the Brisbane bloggers' get together on Sunday went well with quite a big turnup .... don't miss the next one.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 21, 2008 3:37 PM

And I wanted to be the first to post for a change, ABCKenny. I reckon I have been around long enough to claim that honour.

Oh well, what I was going to say was that, yes, it can really happen. I am off to a wedding on Saturday (I need a partner, any volunteers?). The bride and groom-to-be met on RSVP and are blissfully happy (and expecting their first baby in less than a month!). Another friend's sister is getting married at Easter. They also met on RSVP. Will wonders never cease!

Posted by: ninaschen at January 21, 2008 2:39 PM

: ninaschen
re Hi Karina - We can't post on the new 'Does it Really Happen' topic cause there is no text box.
That's because it doesn't really happen

Posted by: abckenny at January 21, 2008 2:00 PM

Hi Karina - We can't post on the new 'Does it Really Happen' topic cause there is no text box.

Posted by: ninaschen at January 21, 2008 1:54 PM

It’s in the jeans.

My father was neurotic.

The family dog became so neurotic he was well known in a church community where he would sit down the back pew and moan with the hymns. Also got a ride in the hearse at the Old Man’s Funeral.

But for most blokes. The biggest danger is that SHE will turn into HER MOTHER.

Don’t think it won’t happen. It will.

This is mostly advice for the younger generation. Most women over 40 have already metamorphosed into their mother and are a lost cause.

Posted by: neuroticfish at January 21, 2008 1:08 PM

HI BB,

Mistake was wishing him luck.

Everyone,

This whole Kiss, Email reply thing is a joke. It is YOUR perogative whether you decide to reply or not (boy, am I getting tired of the constant winge on this one). Just because YOU decide that everyone should respond to all approaches.....YOUR rules can only apply to YOURSELF....you cannot set YOUR rules and demand ALL others to comply because YOU think its right.

If a woman (or guy) doesn't respond to your Kiss or Email.......its pretty damn obvious shes not interested......do you need a sledgehammer over the head to drive that in? Accept it and move on folks.

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at January 21, 2008 12:52 PM

The fruit never falls far from the tree.

Too right.

Look at his father. That is what he is going to turn into.

Then RUN.

Posted by: neuroticfish at January 21, 2008 12:33 PM

Fixed that for you. :>)

Posted by: lamuse at January 21, 2008 12:49 PM

The fruit never falls far from the tree.

Too right.

Look at her mother. That is what she is going to turn into.

Then RUN.

Posted by: neuroticfish at January 21, 2008 12:33 PM

This is totally of the topic but don't really care as I am sick of men who send you an email straight of without finding out if you're interested, raving on about their terrible ex and how they were taken for a ride etc etc!
A first email whinging and whining...get real....do they really think any woman's going to be interested after they've just stated that they are still carrying a mountain load of baggage!
Then when I don't reply....they have the audacity to write an abusive one-liner....just proved my first impressions!
Then when I wish him all the best in his search he sends another nasty one-liner!
What the F...!

Posted by: brilliantblue at January 21, 2008 12:29 PM

I have only been on this site for a week now and i have noticed there is more action on the blogs than the profiles? lol! Also all this ODE and GSOH or something? Can someone please help me out here?

Posted by: proudmum1973 at January 21, 2008 12:23 PM

Ode-god your good ....

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 21, 2008 12:11 PM

Re:Top 10 REASONS WHY MEN FAIL WITH WOMEN

1 reason why women fail with men, is they've got 10 reasons why men fail with women.

Posted by: donquixote1 at January 21, 2008 12:03 PM

Hi Dolphin46,

Dont know about your toolshed, but there are definitely a few "tools" in the RSVP shed!!

Kateegirl,

Seems like I just keep agreeing with your sentiments;' great minds think alike (or maybe you need therapy if you think as I do)!!!

RSVP meetings do feel like interviews, guess its just a fact of the whole Kiss, repond, email procedure - dont know that there is a way around it on dating sites.

I agree with you about the "smorgasbord" but, from my perspective, I cant say that I would know anything about you after 1 or 2 dates (apart from the fact that we might have nothing in common); its a continuous thing and you need to continue dating. I think once you have gotten to this stage, that might be the time to shut down the profile and see where it might lead, but not at first date stage. Having said that, I expect women I see to treat me in the same manner; though I have no problem if they keep their profile open and are dating other guys, so long as they are honest if another relationship gets physical. Regardless of how you approach this dating thing, I think that being open with you dating partners is the most important factor.

Regarding the "Praying Mantis" analogy, not so, the guy still loses out as they can only copulate once the female has actually bitten his head off (now that really sucks)!!!

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at January 21, 2008 11:45 AM

APPENDIX 1 OF LITTLE WHITE LIES

These requested by femalepersuasion.

"Equally comfortable in jeans or a tux" -- which is why you consider them interchangeable.

"Likes someone who takes pride in their appearance" -- but likes self for other reasons.

"I'm not your usual guy" -- after all, that guy is smart, funny, confident, and interesting.

"I am not a player" -- 1. makes it sound like a choice rather than a circumstance; 2. you don't play a musical instrument; 3. you're a womanising philanderer, not a device that reproduces recorded visual or audio material; 4. you're not an active participant in a significant field or process, i.e., you're mediocre, not a key player in the world (but see below).

"I'm a key player in the world" -- 1. you dabble with a toy musical keyboard; 2. you're an accomplished two-fingered typist bordering on Internet addiction; 3. you work for a locksmith as a degreaser.

Posted by: onlinedatingexpert at January 21, 2008 11:05 AM

Two Bits, remember at one time most of us Divorcees were someones idea of a great catch. We are now only being recycled it doesn't mean we aren't 'good' any longer. It just means that something happened that put us back into the dating scene.

A very wise (male) friend of mine advised me - when I first decided to give internet dating a try - expect the worse and anything you experience will be an improvement on that.

Personally, I've been pleasantly surprised as everyone I've met here have been very nice gentlemen and I would be happy to introduce any of them to my friends.

I'm still looking but I'm a positive person so I'm sure the 'right guy' is out there somewhere for all of us girls and RSVP just makes it easier to find them. It just takes a bit of time and effort. In the meantime I'm meeting lots of fabulous people and making new friends. The right attitude will increase your chances of finding your perfect partner...

Posted by: tiasamaero at January 21, 2008 10:51 AM

Good morning Ode: a couple more for your interpretation:-

~Equally comfortable in jeans or a tux; will dress up for the occassion

~ likes someone who takes pride in their appearance ( dont let me catch you picking your nose though??)

~Im not your usual guy ( it just looks that way)

~ I am not a player ( oh, really ?? run girls, run...)

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 21, 2008 10:00 AM

HOW TO PLANT LITTLE WHITE LIES ON YOUR RSVP PROFILE

Your main section
---------------------

"I'm a massive fan of ..." -- "I'm massive, and I'm a fan of ..."

"I have a heart of gold" -- 1. literally: it's next to the silver plate on the mantel, or it's dangling from your neck; 2. figuratively: the emotional high density of gold and gold's ability to insulate against the flow of warmth.

"I have a wonderful sense of humour" -- it makes people wonder about it.

"I'm intelligent" -- all humans possess intelligence.

"I travel a lot each year" -- courtesy of Earth revolving around the sun each year.

"I'm down-to-earth" -- the NASA application is pending approval.

"I've been to university" -- public open days are neat.

"I'm well-read" -- others can read you well.

"I'm ambitious" -- the journey isn't the destination. Moreover, the idea or inclination isn't the first step of the journey. Even a lazy bum can be ambitious.

"I'm not only looking for one thing" -- note the placement of "only" and read with emphasis on "looking". Compare with "I'm not looking for only one thing". Not many of your readers will be grammarians wondering about the misplaced modifier.

"I look after my appearance" -- you focus on winning the second impression, which comes after your initial appearance on the scene.

"I'm clean" -- 1. you're not a drug addict. If others want to speculate about your personal hygiene or the state of your apartment, that's their problem; 2. you're a drug addict with a clean apartment.

"I enjoy ..." -- e.g., "I enjoy cooking, dancing, and gardening". The word "enjoy" is distinct from the word "practise" (for that word, see below). Your enjoyment can be more of a spectator's appreciation (as in "I enjoy the cricket and boxing"). Technically speaking, you could enjoy lazing on the couch Al Bundy style, watching the bloke across the road tend his garden during the commercial breaks in a midday airing of Lord of the Dance, all the while devouring your mum's scrumptious cooking.

"I practise ..." -- you know what they say: practice makes perfect. Complete inability and incompetence is merely a shade of imperfection undergoing the process of refinement.

"I believe ..." -- beliefs cost nothing.

"I believe in ..." -- e.g., "I believe in true love and enduring romance". Read "I believe in ..." as "I believe ... exists". "I believe in a sound diet, exercise, and peace of mind" can mean you believe in the verifiable existence of those three things, not that you manifest those things yourself.

"occasionally", "on occasion" -- "occasion" can mean "an opportunity or circumstance", "an occurrence", "a happening, incident, or instance". But we usually understand it to mean "now and then" (for that expression, see below).

"now and then" -- literally: now AND then. "Now" covers the present moment; "then" covers all moments of the future. So "now and then" can amount to "always".

"I'll be there when you need me" -- notice the vagueness of "there". Perhaps you can be a bit more specific with the location and use sentence separation to get away with the following: "I'm intelligent, well-read, and ambitious. I enjoy dining out, quiet nights in, and heading down to the pub with my mates now and then. I'll be there when you need me". In this case, "there" refers to the pub, but we play on the cliche of "I'll be there when you need me" to generate "where you are" as the understood location behind "there".

Your Ideal Partner section
------------------------------

"I don't care about looks" -- people who give you dirty looks don't faze you.

"I'm looking for a partner in crime" -- hey, you warned them.

"average" - statistical average, as opposed to physiological average.

"don't smoke" - not a victim of spontaneous human combustion.

"separated" - not currently in the same room as your wife/husband, but possibly in the same room as your six kids.

Posted by: onlinedatingexpert at January 21, 2008 9:35 AM

twobits: Could you please elaborate on what you class as as a 'good' man or a 'good' woman?

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 21, 2008 9:06 AM

Nice little homily FP. For all those males who end up as “friends” you may rest assured that there is still a lot of truth in the saying that all the good men are taken, the rest of the rubbish end up on rsvp. So sit back and enjoy as one dating disaster follows yet another dating disaster to she who is so stupid as not to have a brain to begin with, and usually ends up either in a shelter or an early re-entry into the court system for yet another bout with the predatory vultures who live off women’s foibles and who await their next idiotic decision making in their personal lives.

Posted by: neuroticfish at January 21, 2008 8:37 AM

Top 10 REASONS WHY MEN FAIL WITH WOMEN

1) Becoming the "friend"
Almost everyone fears rejection, especially; so it would seem, single men. So, they take things to the extreme and rather than just going for what they want, they become a woman's "friend" in the hopes that she'll see what a great guy he is, fall in love with him, do all his work for him and then he won't have to take any risks whatsoever.
Women know this game all-too-well and avoid advances by these guys like the plague. They know that these guys are insecure and that's exactly why they keep these guys around - because they aren't a threat to them. Sure, they'll bounce relationship questions off of them, ask for help, see movies and maybe even give them a gift for their birthdays, but these guys will almost never become anything more than a friend to the girls.
Unfortunately for many guys, they don't know that women already have them figured out and they try it anyway. Then, they go through heartbreak after heartbreak watching these women date other guys and never get their chance.
2) Being "nice"
We all grew up watching cartoons or seeing shows where the nice guy finally wins the girl. While that makes for a great story, it's not how things work in the real world.I see guys getting walked on all the time by women that would otherwise have gotten right into - or stayed in - relationships with them. These guys try to "nice" their way through dating thinking that this is the way to the woman's heart. She doesn't see him as nice at all - she sees him as weak and powerless.
What guys need to understand is that if you're nice not only women will mistreat you, but men will too! You can never be the "protector" or "provider" in a relationship because you're far too busy compromising on everything.So, if you're not going to be nice anymore what does that make you? Well, if you think it makes you a jerk, you're wrong too!Interestingly many women continue to complain that jerks are attracted to them. In reality, it's the WOMEN that are attracted to; and continue to seek-out, jerks. They eventually see the error of their ways and move on, but not before being hurt or taken advantage of by these guys.
What you want to be is somewhere in the middle of all of this. You need "standards" by which you expect good treatment and expect to treat others well. That doesn't mean you go to the ends of the earth to please anyone; just that you work well with others, and when others don't, you don't play some dumb game of accepting the abuse.
3) Not learning how the game is played (winging it)
Trust me, dating is a game. It has rules, time periods, a playing field, coaches and even referees, (friends, family, fellow bloggers). Sitting down to play a game of backgammon isn't going to be much fun if you don't know the rules.The real problem is that these rules aren't intuitive or obvious. You have to study them to not only learn what you should do, say, think and how to act, but exactly where you can bend the rules safely - maybe even effectively.
Here's the reality: humans are complex, emotional creatures. Our mating/dating rituals are equally complex and this information isn't learned through osmosis. In fact, it often isn't learned through just dating either as many of the things you'd expect were true just aren't. And being the experts at relationships, women love this fact!
You need to study this like you would any game or sport you're interested in. Coming to this game clueless will leave you with far more than sore muscles in the morning.
4) Not watching women's signals
Some men don't understand that women throw signals all the time. These men think that these signals are obvious and that they don't have to make any special effort to recognize them.Women have evolved a very large array of signals that they use to tell men their interest - or lack thereof. The problem is that these signals are very subtle and most men don't even pick them up. The trick is first to understand why women use such subtle signals and then to learn what they are. Doing any less than this just insures that guy will remain in the dark about women.
5) Waiting too long before asking for help
Being ignorant and trying to play a sophisticated game like dating or building relationships is just plain silly , especially when you consider how much information there is out there nowadays. The real key is to seek help before you really need it rather than try to raise the phoenix out of the ashes.

6) Not closing
Every woman reading this will have had this happen to her at some stage in the dating game. Many guys get enough courage to go talk to a woman in a bar, a gym, a coffee shop or wherever, and good for them! Then, they chat up the woman and even develop some connection with her and she begins throwing all sorts of "buying signals". Finally, his drink comes, his gym class starts or his latte is perfectly steamed, and he says, "Well, it was nice to meet you." Then, he turns and walks away leaving the poor woman cofused.Doing all this great work and not closing for a number or a date leaves women thinking so many guys are clueless! Men, here's the rule: it's your job to close! Don't expect that she's just going to shove her number in your hand if she's interested. It doesn't work that way. Same applies for internet dating, and the guy that sends a woman an email telling her all about himself, but fails to ask her ANY questions about herself. What is she going to write back to you about , huh? Close the deal.
7) "One-itis" or "falling in love with it before you own it"
We've all done this one. You see a car, a laptop, an MP3 player or something else that you just fall in love with and have to have. Then, you get it, take it home and in a few days wonder why you bought such a thing.The sad part of this story is that many guys do this with women too. They see some woman and just fall in love with her. Then, they fall all over themselves trying to convince her that he loves her enough for the both of them.

8) Not having a plan
Guys are great about setting goals. We write them down and even obsess over them. However, somehow they just forget all about that great planning when it comes to their love lives. Start with clear, concise, WRITTEN goals and that nothing less will do.
There are many reasons why these are so important, but let's look at what not having them means: it means that the very first woman that walks by becomes the woman of your dreams because after all, you don't know what your dreams are and thus, she's just as good as your goals.
Women see right through this too. They don't want to be the woman that simply walked in front of the target. They want to be the woman of your dreams. All it takes is you knowing what those dreams are.
9) Not learning to communicate in women's language
You know those words you hear women use? Sure, they sound a lot like English, but in fact, often have very different meanings! For instance, when you say "I'm tired" it probably means that you're ready for bed. When a woman says she's tired it can mean anything from the fact that she needs sleep to her being done with the relationship!Women often speak in an implied form of language; whereas men tend to be more direct and specific. Assuming that a woman is saying something is a sure way to get yourself into trouble.
10) Not directing the relationship
Here's an important rule I want you to memorise: women control the sex in the relationship, but men control the relationship itself - if they are smart. That means, setting up a date where you know where you're going to go, what you're going to do and everything else is planned out.
Do you know what the 7 deadliest words are in the dating dictionary? It's these: "So, what do you want to do?" or "So, where do you want to eat?"
Very few women want to hear these words and you lose points by not having things worked out ahead of time. That also goes for entire relationships too. I love what Sharon Stone had to say: "Women can fake orgasms, but men can fake entire relationships." That absolutely true, but when you realize that it's your responsibility to manage your relationship including its tone, depth and direction, suddenly everything gets easier; both for you and the woman .
Here's a little rule that many men don't know: women actually appreciate a man who can make decisions, and respond to it very well. Show me a woman who likes a complacent man ??

** Disclaimer** posted entirely for entertainment purpose, so make of it what you will, but no correspondence will be entered into.

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 21, 2008 8:12 AM

thank you today122, just might take you up on that offer. Have placed a bulk order for sherry

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 21, 2008 8:09 AM

kateegirl - if the interviewer can so easily pass onto the next applicant, and good luck on that score! then maybe so can we. It takes all kinds, and we seem to meet the best of em! so chalk it down to somethingorother, really, and be glad of the escape.

Posted by: today122 at January 21, 2008 7:25 AM

dolphin and kitten and jen - I'm back to work today, so you can look after the porch. no rent - just bring sherry. And you can gaze at my kitchen if you like - no extra charge. I'll find an instruction book if you're really curious. But I don't have a shed - what would I do with one of those?

Posted by: today122 at January 21, 2008 7:23 AM

the following snippet I found after Johny Depp had donated $2.2 million to a London hospital for saving the life of his young daughter.

Last November, Johnny spent four hours at the Great Ormond Street hospital reading bedtime stories to patients dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow after having his Pirates of the Caribbean costume flown over from Los Angeles.

Posted by: twobits at January 18, 2008 10:58 PM

Johnny Depp seems like a great guy, and Captain Jack Sparrow must have cheered up the patients. One of my favourite characters by the way.Thanks a lot for sharing that info with us twobits.

I swear this blog topic was closed!!!!!! How suprising. Oh and hello to new bloggers, there seems to be a few new names.

sounds like the Brissie gang had a blast : ))

Must agree with kittenheels and auntykaz.... a man who knows how to, and does actually cook is very sexy... ......also very rare.... sob sob sob (says a woman who only has a kitchen because it came with the house....)

Posted by: dolphin46 at January 20, 2008 10:31 PM

dolphin46...men who cook well are sexy, that is true, also men who are humorous, confident. (And men who wear pirate costumes) OK well I have to watch that I do not become insomniacal again. Maybe I will post this in the cooking blog.

Goodnight, seems like you are all asleep now?

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 21, 2008 2:21 AM

Ahhh Willow I've now noted your January 20, 2008 9:09 PM posting and want to apologize for being oversensitive but I see red if someone makes an assumption that I may be a man eater, black widow or anything less than a genuinely nice person. Why do you like to stir things so???? Guess you succeeded getting a reaction from me...

Posted by: tiasamaero at January 21, 2008 12:46 AM

Today122 it was a great afternoon and so nice to meet mstingle after her drive.

Willow - wow... you have been a busy boy - what with all the posting, the dinner cooking and the poetry - I'm with the others...a man who can cook is very sexy (specially if he is just wearing an apron).

Yes, yes...I recently found the kitchen - right where i left it - sadly no male chef waiting to anxiously make my snacks....forever the wishful thinker

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 21, 2008 12:08 AM

of course there is, welcome

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 20, 2008 11:07 PM

Isnt that porch full already with your sherry drinking mates today122. Room for more ??

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 20, 2008 11:04 PM

Doh!!! meant to write that i am off to sleep... not off sleep.......
Think my house needs a study... improve my mind :) night again

Posted by: dolphin46 at January 20, 2008 11:04 PM

night night dolphin46

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 20, 2008 11:03 PM

Ok well am now going to use the one room in the house that i truly love........ am off sleep.
Happy renting kittenheels, keep up with the excellent cooking willow, goodnight all

Posted by: dolphin46 at January 20, 2008 11:01 PM

dolphin thanks for the kiss warning. It's OK I cannot count past 10 so it will not matter.

Oh, I can feel the pain of chaffed lips now. Oh bliss, if only such a fate could fall upon me. Now how do you do it, another poem is on the way.

Now how do you do it, just you me
My face etched with glee

Posted by: willow1059 at January 20, 2008 11:01 PM

I have some sherry if that helps to pay the rent today122?

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 20, 2008 10:58 PM

Kitenheels.. sorry no porch.....today122 do you have a porch we could rent???

Posted by: dolphin46 at January 20, 2008 10:57 PM

dolphin46 - can you rent out the porch to me please?

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 20, 2008 10:54 PM

willow1059 - home made toasted musli please

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 20, 2008 10:52 PM

Kittenheels great idea.....also have something called a "shed" that is meant to have tools and lawnmowers and stuff...... could maybe rent that out too.......
Willow, you better stop right there..... there are too many women here who would think that yes that would definitely cut it......... kisses by the hundreds will be directed your way

Posted by: dolphin46 at January 20, 2008 10:50 PM

No Today122, its not nice at all. This site can be a terrible blow to the ego. I guess we shouldnt take it too personally, it doesnt mean we arent worthy, just that we aren't suited. Well thats how you should think otherwise it would get quite depressing!!!!

Posted by: kateegirl at January 20, 2008 10:48 PM

dolphin - at least the re-sale value will still be high.

Posted by: today122 at January 20, 2008 10:47 PM

and - sorry about the interview thing yet again - seems to be my word for the week.
But notgodsgift - you're so right. Need some of that slow step north of the border I reckon.

Posted by: today122 at January 20, 2008 10:45 PM

OK, I get it cooking and kitchen it must be.

kittenheels does bacon and eggs cut it for breakfast or how about mixed cereal. Yes, mixed cereal I say. Corn Flakes for me, porridge for my son, weetbix for my daughter. Now what would you choose?

Dolphin I feel an inferiority complex coming on. I can also make ice cream in wafer cones, sprinkles on top with smarties arranged in the shape of a smiley mouth. Oh on a good day I can put sauce on a plate in the shape of a Xmas tree, such a shame the sausage rolls spoil it. Does this cut it?

Posted by: willow1059 at January 20, 2008 10:43 PM

And to all those north of the border - very very nice (there's that word again) meeting this afternoon.
First prize goes to mstingle, who travelled 4 hours, and has to travel that far again tomorrow, but on her behalf, really enjoyed herself - so thank you guys.

Posted by: today122 at January 20, 2008 10:43 PM

you can check out any time but you can never leave - sad but true? gawd I hope not.

and kateegirl - ah yes - the interview. Yes - oft reported and now sighted and documented. Did you make a second interview? A real taste of "next" hey. Not nice.

Posted by: today122 at January 20, 2008 10:40 PM

dolphin46 - rent them out?

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 20, 2008 10:40 PM

Kittenheels..... apparently so... there is another room i don't know much about something called a laundry. Seems I have one of those as well....what to do with 2 spare rooms that are going to waste?????

Posted by: dolphin46 at January 20, 2008 10:37 PM

dolphin46 - is that what that room is for? I was never quite sure

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 20, 2008 10:33 PM

Auntykaz, I see you are also captured by a man's prowess in a kitchen, knife in hand, flame roaring high.

It would appear that I need to be a tosser.

Indeed a tosser we need for the salad to be not made from weed. But rolled gently for dressing ready to satisfy greed.

So vanquished I am, no room for me neither cook or poet for all to see.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 20, 2008 10:33 PM

Must agree with kittenheels and auntykaz.... a man who knows how to, and does actually cook is very sexy... ......also very rare.... sob sob sob (says a woman who only has a kitchen because it came with the house....)

Posted by: dolphin46 at January 20, 2008 10:31 PM

FP, I dare not call you a narcissist. There are many reasons for this, I am far too polite, it is much too difficult to say, more so to spell.

Of equal concern is you may to choose to call me one as well. We would then need to invoke Bob's word bodacious again and we know where that took everyone last week.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 20, 2008 10:20 PM

willow1059 - why thank you and yep, I think a man being able to cook breakfast is a wonderful kick start to a relationship (grin)

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 20, 2008 10:12 PM

ninascen, it is with humble words I say you are correct. This is a place too rich to refuse or ignore. However, my entry will be confined to weekends away from the rigours of mind that go with work.

I also regret either of us are old enough to remember this famous institution and the song.

I have just made the brandy and coke after climbing over what seemed like mountains in my pantry, so hidden was the alcohol. It took far longer than I expected, so high was the journey I needed to source oxygen to avoid the bends. But bends did find me, my knees now have bends as do my fingers. Who knows where this will lead if I drink more than one.

So reward yourself for your prediction come true
As surely as the sky is blue

Posted by: willow1059 at January 20, 2008 10:10 PM

l think that a man who can cook and also enjoys to cook is very sexy....and it makes me feel that l am being pampered................k

Posted by: auntykaz at January 20, 2008 10:06 PM

Perhaps a touch too much brandy in your coke, Willow? Welcome back, by the way. I made a little bet with myself (how could I lose?) that you wouldn't stay away too long. Some other very clever blogger likened this place to the Hotel California. I have to agree.

Posted by: ninaschen at January 20, 2008 10:01 PM

Hello kittenheelsxx, I must admit I am most unqualified to comment on your opinion about men who can cook being damn sexy.

The only two parts of this subject I can piece together are damn and cook. As in damn oven, damn sauce, damn help and just damn, damn, damn.

I have been known to from time to time to cook a nice fillet mignon with Dianne sauce, asparagus, mash flavoured with butter, pepper and cheese. Unfortunately, all that I have known that sampled my fine cuisine have never returned.

Without doubt I can testify that cooking can end a relationship, I shall leave it to you to advise whether it can kick start one.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 20, 2008 9:58 PM

Willow1059: call me a narcissist if you dare... of course I am referring to MY last post.

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 20, 2008 9:57 PM

A PRAYING mantis, really kateegirl. Such a statement on Sunday, the day of the sabbeth for christians. I'd like to see that. A perfect sense of timing by you I say.

Yes, I would depart on a high, so high I could play handball against the roadside gutter perhaps even crawl under a pregnant ant.

I guess this could form the most intimate relationship for pregnant ants.

Of course this could be complicated by the very social nature of ant colonies. Can we learn something here with ants.

No, not really they are horrid little bitey things that spoil the picnic and get into your pants. Is this a form of courtship previously unexplored by ODE, NF and others.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 20, 2008 9:47 PM

ah willow arent you lucky we're not praying mantis's. But at least you'd go on a high!!! haha

Posted by: kateegirl at January 20, 2008 9:35 PM

willow1059
(sigh)
did you know a man that can actually cook is damn sexy ...

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 20, 2008 9:33 PM

hi ninaschen, if you do not mind I'll pass on the men part of the meal.

Oh dear, I have inadvertantly touched the kitchen post again.

But you post has made me think about a brandy and coke. Give me a moment, I'll just have to dust the bottle off, really I must drink more often, the dust and cobwebs must be a health hazard.

Mind you, this could be some seriously good training for dating. Hazard identification and avoidance could be very useful for the date that goes wrong and for not ending up as part of the dinner.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 20, 2008 9:32 PM

Very amusing, Willow! Hmm. Men. Delicious with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

Posted by: ninaschen at January 20, 2008 9:24 PM

Nicely said kateegirl, I agree it's better not to know about the others. I would think knowing you are just one of several would set the thermostat at somewhere around very chilly.

Chemistry does take time to work its magic, a bit like a great roast, garnish and cook slowly until just right. Oops should this be in Singles In the Kitchen blog. No, better stay here, nothing worse than looking like a fool talking about a subject you have no idea about.

Perhaps I should leave here as well?

Posted by: willow1059 at January 20, 2008 9:19 PM

FP, I feel much better now (I think).

I have consumed that steak and feel greatly relieved that you are not pre-disposing me (and others) to pain.

However, I must confess to some residual unease since the previous post is ninaschen when she refers to "tar people (read men)", this does sound not very dissimilar to cooking and eating men with wine. Am I being selective here with which previous post you refer to?

After having more time to consider TM's profile perhaps this having friends over for dinner is an endearing trait. I should feel privaledged to be so worthy for consumption.

Tiasamaero, if you are reading this please do not feel my humour is having a go. I love the profile, it was just too much temptation for a play on words to resist.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 20, 2008 9:09 PM

Hi all. We all have different expectations on this site and that is why we are given space to write what those are on our profiles. Everyone has their own way of approaching dating on here. I know a guy who, when he sends a kiss and its answered positively, he hides his profile straight away to concentrate soley on that one woman. Personally I feel like a number at a cold meat counter when I am one of several women to be 'interviewed' for the job of 'other half'!! I can understand that we need to meet to form an opinion, but if you have a long list of maybes doesnt that make you want to go thru the list quickly like a kid in a candy store? in which case you dont give each individual a good chance. This is a smorgasbord of men and women, just waiting to be tried and tested. No need to bother if this one is not quite perfect there's always the next on the list. Sometimes chemistry doesnt happen straight away. So many times Ive heard couples say..I didnt even notice him , or I usually go for blondes, but they get to know each other and fall in love. I think we all like to feel special and it makes sense that the people we meet are meeting others as well, but its nice not to be told about the others, its a sure mood dampener.

Posted by: kateegirl at January 20, 2008 8:56 PM

"Femalepersuasion in your advice to TM on Jan 18 4:38PM ...
I must say FP why do you choose to inflict such pain upon us fellow male bloggers?"

I would never try and inflict anything on anyone Willow1059, so if you aren't attracted by a woman's profile you can just say "NO". Its called setting your personal boundary )pls refer to previous post)

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 20, 2008 8:51 PM

Yes I agree, with their sentiments, Bob, and yours. Sometimes, I am not as articulate, nor as clear as I would like to be. I think I have said this before, in various blog topics, I try hard not to tar people (read men) with the same brush and I treat any meeting or new relationship with a fresh and open mind. I think your approach is admirable.

Posted by: ninaschen at January 20, 2008 8:46 PM

"Ladies pls correct me if I am wrong ,but many guys ... tend to come on too strong, too fast ,too (sic)wossy. I would Really Appreciate a female reply"Posted by: northern9 at January 20, 2008 12:49 PM

Possibly, but every woman is able to set her personal boundaries and with every encounter , she either demonstrates she is able to protect what she values or that she will give herself away. Healthy boundaries preserve a womans integrity and filter out harm, and applies to both sexes. Put simply boundaries are unseen structures that support healthy productive lives and relationships.

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 20, 2008 8:42 PM

Bob - a man after my own heart

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 20, 2008 8:22 PM

Hi Ninaschen,

Just another case of damned if you do, and damned if you dont. The sentiments of Istj54, Lamuse and TC are encouraging, but hope that you feel the same way should situation this occur to you.

Kittenheels,

What you are searching for is pretty much the ideal for me as a starting point...relaxed with no pressure...then seeing where it will go from there. You still have to have a lot of things fall into place in order for it to progress to something deeper, but its a great start to know that you can see someone and not feel pressured into anything for which you are not yet ready.

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at January 20, 2008 8:13 PM

hi ODE, did you ever post the second installment about what males want. I need to balance your female post in Creating ... Profile

Posted by: willow1059 at January 20, 2008 7:04 PM

Hi istj54, yep it must be a girl thing
I would love to meet someone to just hang out with, be able to call up and say "hey what are you doing, do you want to go out" without the pressure of feeling that you must get married within two weeks ...

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 20, 2008 6:58 PM

It is Sunday, my mind is restless as are my fingers so I'll be a little mischievous.

Db2 are you here, I suspect there would be much to entertain you in tiasamaero's profile.

Femalepersuasion in your advice to TM on Jan 18 4:38PM you said "take a risk ... go on a date".

We males have on occasion been accused in this forum of selective hearing and memory especially in relation to birthdays, flowers, etc.

I have used this male trait with great skill to read tiasamaero's profile. I must say FP why do you choose to inflict such pain upon us fellow male bloggers.

To quote from TM's profile, she says:

"My taste in men is eclectic"

"Like having nothing better than having men over for dinner"

"Attracted to men with nice hair"

"Glass of wine and roaring fire would not go astray"

I enjoy living and have no desire to be consumed as some male spiders are by their female mates. Really why would you suggest we form part of a meal "to be consumed", "nice hair" and all. Worse still you seem to agree that we should be eaten accompanied by a "glass of wine" and "roaring fire" presumably to cook us quickly. Would I be correct in assuming the wine would need to be red as well.

Indeed, I have heard of women with eclectic tastes but really this is too much, what male would choose such a fate for himself.

As beautiful as tiasamaero may be; and well preservered this is not a fate I would choose to inflict upon her male date. I hope she can contain her ravenous desire for flesh until after the date, perhaps a steak instead.

For now, I need to ponder whether I say add to my profile that my ideal partner should be a herbivore. It would appear this is the only way I can protect myself from women with such evil intent.

JenJen, WF03, NF, ODE and others as you know from last weeks efforts I am a blogging novice. Is this typical of the fate that awaits single men on this site?

I live in SA, perhaps distance will protect me from these rabid women. NF I detect a female conspiracy may need you undivided attention here.

Kind of like an invasion from outer space
Instead a meal said with grace.

Be aware, should I be consigned to such a fate as described above there will be no more poems, your destiny with literary immortality will be lost forever to gastronomic juices. There will be no more kind words from me.

Deceased I have no need for clothes
Naked with no robe
Adorned with a single rose
Just silence around the globe

Farewell as I depart to cook a steak
Medium rare adorned not with hair but pepper and salt
From blogging I need a break
Accompanied by a milkshake devoid of malt

Hunger has consumed me, bye until next time.

willow

Posted by: willow1059 at January 20, 2008 6:52 PM

NotGodsGift - Ah! A man of principles! I have never doubted that there might be a bloke or two like you out there. Absolutely, many women think some men are ‘only after one thing’ and should their (the woman’s) libido be raging at the time, they would be totally gob-smacked to be knocked back. Double standards gone mad!

Many women have come across the octopus who is determined to shove their tongue down their throat without so much as a by-your-leave. Unfortunately, those experiences tend to stick in your mind and the (not infrequent) experience of someone more respectful and gentle is forgotten.

Hmm. Bitch slap, you say? Bring it on!

Posted by: ninaschen at January 20, 2008 6:48 PM

Might be Ok when you are young pretty,firm,perky,desirable,but man all that changes pretty quick once you have kids and get into your 40's.

Posted by: twobits at January 20, 2008 5:24 PM

I disagree with this twobits. Women and men can be desirable after forty and into their fifties, sixties, seventies...It depends on how much they have looked after themselves. Obviously there will be no comparison to a younger, firmer model but there is still beauty in age. Look at Katherine Hepburn and Lauren Bacall...
The trick is to start seeing this beauty. I know it's hard when the hair goes grey and disappears(except in the ears) and the tummy gets irrepairably flabby and the bottom wants to just sit down when you are still standing up...but there is still beauty in the eyes and in the nature of the spirit and the character of the person. You just have to look a little deeper now than the outside wrapping for the beauty within.

...and kitty, I don't understand the rush either. I'd be happy to meet someone I clicked with for lots of fun dates...that's enough...but notice I said clicked with. I daren't say chemistry anymore as it does not exist for men. Apparently it's a girl thing.

Posted by: istj54 at January 20, 2008 6:36 PM

OK, catch up time.

neuroticfish - thanks! (I think...)

istj54, today122 - thanks! And what wonderful examples of PHYSICal dialogue you've both posted there.

femalepersuasion - thanks! I enjoyed your posts, as usual.

lamuse, newyearnewbeginnings - thanks for the support, mateys. It's good to know that my advice is changing lives.

willow1059 - howdy! Regarding "What you neglected to mention was that according to this formula to achieve this feat of travel near the speed of light you would need to use all the available energy in the universe. I really must protest at this most selfish action" -- I know it may seem selfish, but rest assured that I'm a conservationist at heart, and that's why I'm happy to be able to say that, yes, indeed one may need to use all that energy for my proposed scheme, but by the conservation-of-energy law, it needn't be a wasteful endeavour. Recycling is available.

Posted by: onlinedatingexpert at January 20, 2008 6:19 PM

hey Jewels, but where is his friend? (lol)

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 20, 2008 5:52 PM

nf you are sooo funny, the dog has wondered what I am laughing at...a real LOL moment..."Next time something like that happens, could you wrap her in an Express Post Bag and forward her on. I will reimburse the postage." would that be overnight??

So Guys you could say something like...weell thank you maam for the lovely compliment, and tempting though it is, I believe we should wait....BUT I have a friend who could help you out here!!......jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at January 20, 2008 5:46 PM

twobits: lol, I couldn't peek at your profile to check you out, but I am sure that you are still desirable

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 20, 2008 5:36 PM

Let's hope she doesn't weigh much, then, because those postage costs can be a real killer.

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 20, 2008 5:12 PM

Next time something like that happens, could you wrap her in an Express Post Bag and forward her on. I will reimburse the postage.

Posted by: neuroticfish at January 20, 2008 4:47 PM

Bob, I am confused.

What ever happened to relationships were people meet, have fun, enjoy each others company, hopefully become friends and then see what happens? Why is there so much expectation, so much game playing and so much you must be right now?

I am just not sure what the rush is?

Posted by: kittenheelsxx at January 20, 2008 4:27 PM

Bob, I think that I need a scenario to enable comment on your situation of arduous lover...was she drunk...where were you?...was it a first rsvp date etc.

I do like Iamuse's comment. It is elegant and wise and would encourage further dating possibilities. In fact, it would be very enticing to see if you could indeed seduce the person. A Challenge!

Posted by: istj54 at January 20, 2008 3:22 PM

willow here, I see ODE has managed to introduce Einstein's theory of relativity to dating.

Really blogggers you have let ODE off far too easily here. ODE you have been up to your tricks again, trying to deceive us. Perhaps you knew I was away after my last post in Creating a profile, well I am watching.

The bounds of this man's imagination stagger me. Surely no solar system, galaxy of universe can contain these thoughts. We should be forever grateful RSVP blogs give outlet to these mad (or are they?) ponderings on Jan 18 4:38AM.

Heaven forbid should these insights be confined to a black hole, to be forever caught up in the forces of gravity so immense nothing can escape. This, a place where the concepts of space and time have different meaning; and magnetism plays a role poorly understood.

For without magnetism we can have no love, with no love there can be no enduring relationship.

So perhaps there is a role for chemistry after all. Intially the forces of physics must play their role, they say opposites attract (as surely as negatively electrons and positive protons in an atom do). These nuclear forces are so powerful at close distance, but very weak as separation grows they mimic real life in the way our relationships fall apart as we become distant from each other.

If we can utilise the forces of nature to form molecules which are just combinations of atoms (think of man and woman here) then we introduce the realm of chemistry and the physical properties we are familar with such as taste, smell, liquid, solid, gas and the neurological pathways that we perceive as pleasure.

I say utilise the forces of nature to form the perfect pairing. So many woman seek a man that smells good, leaves a nice taste in their mouth, is solid, does not pass gas (in public) and makes them laugh via some unseen physiological stimuli that surely only chemistry can provide the solution (no pun intended with solution, or was there?).

Now, ODE I must clarify some aspects of your post about using relativity to close the gap between the 50-60 yo man and 18 yo woman.

While it is true that if you send this man on a very long trip at almost the speed of light using e=mc^2 the principles of relativity state he will hardly age while the stationary observer will age normally, hence the age gap closes.

What you neglected to mention was that according to this formula to achieve this feat of travel near the speed of light you would need to use all the available energy in the universe. I really must protest at this most selfish action, for without energy we have no life, without life we have no joy and without joy we have no laughter. So you have confined all of us to a life of solitude and misery.

I say no to your proposed state of perpetual singleness (as opposed to singularity at the centre of the aforementioned black hole). All bloggers must rally to defend the principle of self determination, our right to be forever single or to search for that elusive person on RSVP profiles and blogs.

I say relationships MATTER, matter cannot be destroyed completely, but it can be changed into energy a we see in a nuclear reactor or bomb.

May our pursuits to find love not BOMB out for it will MATTER if we run out of ENERGY to pursue.

Since it has been a week since my last very long poem that was so favourably received, I offer this one so very brief:

To all, I hope I have understood the subject at hand

That my writings are not considered bland

Physics and chemistry may rule our life

With their help may we be successful in search of husband and wife

Bye until next time, willow.

PS Perhaps ODE can prepare a dissitation on this subject titled "The sex lives of atoms and their propensity to influence human behaviour". It may not be a best seller but I bet it will rock the halls of the local university's physics and psychology labs!

Posted by: willow1059 at January 20, 2008 2:38 PM

"I can think of nothing I'd like to do more right now, but you know I want for us to see if we are right for eachother and in my experience getting intimate soon after meeting clouds the vision. It sure is tempting though."
A man who stated this would be a winner & a keeper..... frustrating yet powerfully seductive.

Posted by: trumanscat at January 20, 2008 2:31 PM

Hi Lamuse,

Nice sentiments but, from personal experience and that of friends (as well as being told by women), I think that I will be ending a few relationships down the line for this reason. This all sounds great in the cold hard reality of where we are now, but to reject a woman who has her hormones raging and has decided that she wants to give up her "precious gift" (stole this quote from a TV show); and she is ready right now.........?? You say shes not worth the effort; but that is not necessarily true...aren't we men supposed to be waiting around just gagging for it,,,,, so what is wrong with her???

C'mon girls, you've said it yourself interminably on the blogs either directly or indirectly (and so have some or us guys); we will lie, cheat, steal...do anything for sex, so there is an expectation that is what we are all after eventually, we just have different ways of going about the process...so when it is offered freely, we are expected to accept gleefully.

My comments are not designed to be derogatory to women, just a general observation of the perceptions out there, and human behaviour.

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at January 20, 2008 2:22 PM

A comment on the general theme raise by twobits.
The way I have used the site is I send kisses to the ladies (I'm a guy) and if they respond with a favourable kiss I will email them. Likewise if they kiss me first and I am interested I send back a "send me an email kiss" So far I have emailed 15 ladies, 6 have emailed me.
If any one is interested in this post I will post the next step. :-)

Posted by: fullspectrumskater at January 20, 2008 1:59 PM

I think you misunderstand what I said twobits, and I also am not one of the everyone who apparently knows who you are.
I am certainly not desperate to have someone in my life. I would not settle for anyone just to have someone. But I am here in the hope of finding someone special. Arent we all or what is the point? When the right one comes along I will know. In the meantime I am have met some really nice people and made some nice friends, male and female.
You have met women desperate for anyone, well there are also a lot of lonely and desperate men here. Men who want to claim your time as totally theirs after one 3 hour coffee meeting. I am honest with the people I meet, playing games is not in my nature, and I also try not to make judgements about people I do not know.

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 20, 2008 1:35 PM

This is really a touchy subject, but I believe that to refuse the sexual advances of a woman is viewed as a monumental slap in the face to her and tatamount to relationship suicide for any male.

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at January 20, 2008 11:35 AM

Bob, in the days of sexual equality women will have to learn to take the rejection...but also it is possible to do it in a way that does not insult her. e.g. "I can think of nothing I'd like to do more right now, but you know I want for us to see if we are right for eachother and in my experience getting intimate soon after meeting clouds the vision. It sure is tempting though." Then change the subject. If she can't take that gracefully she is not worth the effort anyway.

Posted by: lamuse at January 20, 2008 1:01 PM

A question for those here. Notgodgift made a very good point in his post regarding multi dating. Please read the last paragraph.
Ladies pls correct me if I am wrong ,but many guys kill their chances by treating every date as if the lady his is with is Mrs. Right. We tend to come on too strong, too fast ,too wossy. As I have not read a reply to the last few lines of his post. I would Really Appreciate a female reply.
Thanks.

Posted by: northern9 at January 20, 2008 12:49 PM

twobits - if you feel the best person to share your company with is yourself why are you here ? Or match.com ar anywhere else ?
Human beings are social creatures and we all need to be loved and touched by others.
Nothing wrong with meeting lots of other people but telling someone when you first meet them that you see lots of others might make them feel like they are just a number in a long line of other people. We all like to feel just a tiny bit special and unique, as we all are.
If you cannot get your profile up, why not tell us a bit about yourself here on the blog, who knows who might read it !

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 20, 2008 11:35 AM

Hi All,

I am going to buy into this multiple dating debate on the side of Twobits (and apparently Timewarp).

I am here to try to meet someone right for me. Dating is not my idea of the ideal circumstances, but what other choices do we have. There is no way that I am going to promise exclusivity to anyone, just because I happen to have met them for a first date. You dont get to know anyone through a couple of dates; it is a long process. I am definitely NOT a player, but I am determined that if I am serious, then I am going to seek that person that is seeking me; no point to the exercise actually if I dont.

I have met some lovely women on this site but........not enough there for BOTH of us to say...yes...this is it; at least at this point in time. I know that Timewarp has said "Ms Near Enough", but this is what is supposedly the rest of your life so sorry, but close enough aint good enough for me. I may well pay the price for this attitude, and I accept that, but better to be true to yourself.

I congratulate guys and girls that have Timewarps attitude, but I cant do that and would rather spend my life alone than settle for "good enough".

Let me just add this. I noted the 5 date rule recently posted. I am not gay (my boyfriend is though!!), nor am I cold or unaffectionate, but I have no intention of trying to jump some womans bones just because there might be some expectation to make that move. I have made the mistake of getting sexual too early in the relationship previously (initiated by her). This had led to an expectation from her to which I could not commit - major mistake by me to get involved at this level. From now on, not until I am ready to commit to that woman am I going to go down that path; either will be mutually right for both or not at all.

This is really a touchy subject, but I believe that to refuse the sexual advances of a woman is viewed as a monumental slap in the face to her and tatamount to relationship suicide for any male. Again how do we win; we accept the invitation and dont commit, we are users; we politely reject the invitation and we are gay - I think I might send my boyfriend around to "bitchslap you all".

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at January 20, 2008 11:35 AM

Posted by: twobits at January 20, 2008 11:07 AM

No, must be a glitch...if not fixed by Monday, write to them.

Posted by: lamuse at January 20, 2008 11:15 AM

Posted by: timewarp1 at January 20, 2008 4:17 AM on the Singles in the Kitchen blog

Genuinely curious as to where you find the time and energy that must be required to organise two dates a week. It seems from earlier posts that this is a regular occurrence for you. Not that I am saying this is a bad thing at all, finding someone right enuff as you say is surely the reason most of us are here.And given that there are so many seemingly hopeful and genuine singles on this site it is somewhat disappointing for me personally that it is so difficult to find just one special someone.
Do you tell the women that you meet that you have so many dates? If not, that is probably wise as women are usually very judgemental about men that see lots of other women.

In your subsequent post to me I have assumed you were tired and accidentally bumped the caps lock, and that you were not shouting at me. Your perception that I might be more fun than 2 barrels of monkeys is interesting. It also serves to demonstrate how easily we can form perceptions of misconceptions about the people we meet in the online world. In real life I am somewhat shy and prone to be introverted. After 30 years of being married I have found being single and out dating again, extremely difficult. The blogs have been an excellent place for me to meet new people and make new friends. The, for the most part, unconditional acceptance of others on the blogs to fellow bloggers has helped me to overcome some of my social anxities.
Very much looking forward to the Brissy meet this afternoon, but in such settings I am far more likely to be found in a corner somewhere in deep conversation with someone I already know than getting to know those I dont.

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 20, 2008 11:11 AM

Just because I am curious.
I watching Dr.Drew -a rerun last night before I started cooking.
Ladies a term use on my side of the pond,"hook up" what is your definition?
It will be interesting to see if the women in Au. have the same interpretation as those in NYC.
Thanks,

Posted by: northern9 at January 20, 2008 11:01 AM

istj54 - yes I would be inclined to think the same, ie "serail dater" ,"player" or "loser", about someone who managed two rsvp dates every week.
Goodness knows where someone would actually find the time to kiss,email,chat with enough people to organize two dates every week but I am sure there are some of us who do.

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 20, 2008 10:43 AM

After anumber of years on this site I have found that men in my age group have not managed to surpass the 20s thing - looks are important. I receive many kisses with request for my pic. I have 4 pics, very current. I'm not bad looking but definitely look my age - believe me I'm not an Elle looker. On receipt of my pics they immediately send a 'sorry' we're not suited or 'I have recently found someone else' (despite the fact that they're still accessing the site daily.) What is it with men and looks???

Posted by: wildandfree42 at January 20, 2008 9:28 AM

...if a guy I was out with told me he went on two rsvp dates every week I would immediately think "player" or "loser".
I would think that I did not have his undivided attention and that he would be rushing off home to line up the next one...and that would be that. Women like to think that you are interested in just them, at least for a while...this is the biggest problem in internet dating...too much choice!...I will take this over to Relationship Matters to see what others have to say...not much real discussion going on at the moment.

I've come up with a few words about what I am looking for...Respect, Empathy, Humour, Compassion and a modicum of Intelligence...we are not all Rhodes Scholars after all.

Posted by: istj54 at January 20, 2008 8:58 AM

Well good night to all, I must go to bed now for I have an adventure to go on tomorrow and to meet up with with the 'cream of Queenland' who are the Ladies of Brisbane blogggers.

To Aliane and SCC (Adelaide) Who are both great lady bloggers, hope to meet you one day when our paths meet

Posted by: mstingle at January 20, 2008 12:34 AM

and Aliane - you're not creating a circus or being paranoid

Posted by: today122 at January 19, 2008 10:52 PM

Aliane. Sometimes I wonder about this too. I think we can have too much choice, and don't know which way to go. It's easy to get bored when you think there's an alternative.
And I think once you get some independence and peace and stability within yourself, you can be reluctant to give it away to anyone, even to a man that may be wonderful and may give you so much love.
Ah life can be funny sometimes.

Posted by: today122 at January 19, 2008 10:50 PM

Aliane, you might not need someone. You may already have happiness and contentment and just don't realise it as you search for something you think you need. I often feel the same. It is confusing and hard to work through. Most, if not all, of the time I am happy and contented but then feel I "should" be looking for more. Maybe because society tell us we should have a partner. Don't know, but it's a bit late to start thinking about it tonight.

Posted by: istj54 at January 19, 2008 10:34 PM

...and sometimes "all" the pleasure is just in the wanting and the yearning for something...not actually having it...we might not know what to do with it when we get it!

Posted by: istj54 at January 19, 2008 9:40 PM

I posted that last one a bit early.
And that can be a trap, because maybe we've been so wrapped in the challenge, that we've lost sight of the person who we wanted so badly, and lost sight of what they want, and then just damage everything anyway.
Aliane - make sense now?

Posted by: today122 at January 19, 2008 9:07 PM

Aliane - these sayings mean that sometimes we can want something so much that we may lose sight of what it is about this "thing" that we do actually want so badly.
Then all the energy is directed to getting it, the challenge takes over and becomes more important, rather than what it actually is.
Then when we do achieve it, once all the hard work has been done, we're not sure if it's really want we did want after all, or why we wanted it so badly.

Posted by: today122 at January 19, 2008 9:04 PM

Yes ..... we have to be careful what we wish for .... in case we get it. Particularly where there is another person involved.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 19, 2008 8:35 PM

and a bit like - do you get what you want and do you want what you get.

Posted by: today122 at January 19, 2008 9:12 AM

...a bit like the advice, "Careful what you wish for, it may come true...."

Posted by: istj54 at January 19, 2008 8:08 AM

"After a time, you may find that "having" is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as "wanting."
It is not logical, but it is often true.
Spock, "Amok Time"
stardate 3372.7

Posted by: mrsteppenwolf at January 19, 2008 12:26 AM

moderator2008 i am only new to this site, but i have sent a kiss? lol! But i haven't recieved any... I'm also kind of shocked to read in this blog thing that people lie about their age and put old pics in etc. Kinda scared now... Maybe i'm internet naive.. My profile is honest and my pic is nearly 12 months old cos it's one that i like and all the recent ones have other people in them? I'm going to have to be mre alert and careful i think!

Posted by: proudmum1973 at January 19, 2008 12:24 AM

femalepersuasion (post at January 18, 2008 3:59 PM).

Wow - love the tips! and it worked, I'd ask you on a date after reading that, but I'm in the wrong city and it just wouldn't work... Oh dear, Hope you have some luck...
Cheers,

Posted by: greattimestocome at January 18, 2008 11:11 PM

The beauty of speed dating is that it reinforces existing attitudes on this sites; 2 secs to judge, 2 secs to condemn; 2 secs to vilify; 2 secs to pass on. Great way of improving inter personal relations. Very 21st century.

Posted by: neuroticfish at January 18, 2008 9:35 PM

Ahhh, you guys are sweet ;-)
The yachtie pic is 2 years old, I'd just turned 50 before it's taking but a friend liked it, so I posted it. The others are more recent. Personally, I wish this site would let you post pics with other people in them - I hate cutting my friends out of my photos.

Posted by: tiasamaero at January 18, 2008 7:28 PM

Tiasamaero, I am guessing you are getting kissed by "granny grabbers" as you certainly dont look your age..... sorry peeked at profile,as us bloggers are known to do. Certainly would not have guessed your age by pics......

Posted by: dolphin46 at January 18, 2008 7:04 PM

Actually I seem to be having the opposite problem. Before New Years guys I met would call every night and talk for hours - totally monopolising my time (made me wonder if it was so they could be sure I wasn't dating anyone else) Now, I'm not a commitment phobic and I enjoy good repartee but 4+ hour conversations seemed a bit excessive. Whatever happened to taking things a bit slower? Yes, I want to get to know people but a bit of mystery is a good thing I reccon...

Posted by: tiasamaero at January 18, 2008 5:53 PM

Nice posts this afternoon and hopefully will continue tonight but I have a friend coming over for dinner so won't be able to join in. Have a good weekend all.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 18, 2008 4:47 PM

FP - good comments for the most part but some people do lie ... e.g. about their age, marital status, job, height etc. That clearly is not right but I do agree that some people probably write their profile based on their own impression of themselves, which may not be how others see them. Maybe it's a good idea to ask a friend to read your profile to make sure it does actually reflect the public you and not just the private you....as in, in your own mind.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 18, 2008 4:43 PM

istj54 - I guess I should qualify my last comment and say it depends on how often you see/talk to that person. If I see and talk to someone often, I can usually tell in about a month .... of course it may take a while to get to that point, especially through RSVP where you have to go throught the kiss, reply, email, meet thing before you even get to your first date. I'm talking .... after the first date.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 18, 2008 4:38 PM

tiasamero: Because YOUR perception of somebody, combined with their OWN perception of themselves can be entirely different.

A man can't be accountable of the PERCEPTION you arrive at in your grey matter, as YOUR attitudes have arisen out of a lifetime of experiences.

I personally don't think that the majority of people on RSVP post profiles to deceive others. People portray themselves as they "see" themselves.

I have certainly met men that challenged my view of their profile. But who the hell am I to be so judgemental.

Perhaps change your outlook. Every human being you have the priviledge to meet is worthwhile...look at it this way then..someone has wanted to take the time and effort to meet YOU...may be you didnt live up to his expectations either...

After all, what is Perception anyway ??? Why is your particular view on how someone should BE any more IMPORTANT than any one elses??

So take the risk..go on a date..if he wasnt for you just move on.

If its too difficult, get OFF the site and go back to meeting people in everyday life.

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 18, 2008 4:38 PM

istj54 - I can usually tell within about a month if I really like someone but way too soon for any commitment. I went out with someone last year and within about 2 months she asked me if I wanted to move in .... that was a bit scary.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 18, 2008 4:31 PM

FP...number three is one that constantly puzzles me...why do people need commitment so soon. Why can't we just date and have fun? As soon as that "talk" comes up it changes everything.

Was discussing this today with happily married sister, re daughter(mine) and we think it is a self-esteem or confidence issue. Women get scared, or want the security way too soon. Don't know, but it's a great discussion point.

I've heard that men can take up to a year to even think of committing, but women want it within a month.

Posted by: istj54 at January 18, 2008 4:25 PM

FP - do you think these ideas also apply to women?

Posted by: woodnwine at January 18, 2008 4:21 PM

WHY SOME MEN DON'T WANT TO COMMIT TO SOME WOMEN

Some women are just dating and want to move into a more serious relationship. Other women have been living with their partner for YEARS and are getting impatient for the day that he'll finally propose.

There are so many beliefs and misconceptions around commitment that I want to talk about what it means to commit and why men seem to avoid it so strongly.

TIP #1: Stop Blaming Breakups on an "Inability to Commit"

"He's a commitment-phobe. He just couldn't handle being in a relationship."

My friend ( lets just call her RSVP blogger No. 183) was looking for every excuse to explain why her boyfriend broke up with her.
She continued: "Men just can't commit. It's not in their nature. You know, they're designed to spread their seed, and that's just the way it is."

"Blogger 183" has read a little too much pop psychology. Explaining the breakup to herself in that way - as something natural and inevitable, given a man's innate flaws - made her feel better. Shame too on all her fellow female bloggers that tried to ease her pain by saying avoidant stuff like "way to go girl, your'e SO, SO, SO, better off without him"

The feel good party never addresses the problem.. and the said blogger goes on her merry way always blaming the guy. She fails to look at herself and how she is actually ATTRACTING this treatment and behaviour from men.

Breakups hurt so much that ANY explanation is better than the explanation we fear most...

...That our boyfriend ( partner, husband or even date) broke up with us because he didn't see us as that "special someone" he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

But, unfortunately, that's usually a more accurate explanation.

Guys themselves will encourage us to believe that they're afraid of commitment, because it means they don't have to say something that will hurt us. They don't want to tell us the real reason they're not into the relationship anymore.
They just want to get out of the relationship as cleanly as possible without hurting anyone's feelings.

But saying that a man is unable to commit simply because he didn't commit to YOU is like saying that you're unable to eat simply because you can't stomach that plate of brussel sprouts.( goodness, should I be on that cooking blog?)

All men have the capacity and desire to commit eventually, but timing - and finding the right person - is everything.

According to the National Marriage Project's
2006 "State of Our Relationships" study, half the single men out there (54% if he grew up with both biological parents, 43% if he didn't) say they'd be "ready to marry tomorrow if the right person came along." A majority of the married men in the study said that they decided to get married because it was the right time in their life to settle down.

So when a breakup occurs, it's important not to blame the breakup on a fault in your ex-boyfriend's character. That doesn't help you grow and learn from the experience, nor does it lead to a healthy attitude towards men in general.

Instead, learn to say these magical words:

"We just weren't right for each other."

If you WERE the right person for each other, then you'd still be together ... but you're not together anymore, so clearly you weren't right for each other.

TIP #2: Understand Men's Fears

As women, we can't think of anything better than spending a lifetime with someone we love.
There's nothing more pleasurable than waking up to someone's smile and having someone to share the joys and travails of daily life with. ( OK men want it to, but in case you hadn't noticed I am a WOMAN, so maybe ODE could give the male perspective here)

However, men have a great deal of fear wrapped up with committing themselves to one person. They worry that their girlfriend will let herself go, or that she'll start nagging them like their ex-girlfriend (or mother) did, or that the sex will suddenly become boring. Men also worry about bigger things- that they'll become fathers before they want to be, or the cost of divorce if the marriage goes sour, or that the woman will go "psycho" if she gets too attached.

Men will often tell one another horror stories about the ex-girlfriend who became a stalker, or the woman who was a 60kg sex kitten until she got married, upon which she became a 90 kg nag. They tell stories about the whirlwind marriage that ended in a costly divorce and near-financial ruin just six short months later. They tell about the girlfriend who claimed that she was using birth control but wasn't, and the man only found out that he was about to become a father when he went to break up with her.

These kinds of stories sink like lead into a man's psyche. No matter how much he likes a particular woman and wants to be with her, he also wants to be careful. He doesn't want to make promises he can't keep. He doesn't want to get into a situation where both people are going to be tied to one another forever despite despising one another.

If you understand a man's fears, you can understand why he's hesitant about commitment.
It's not YOU. Most of those fears are passed down to men by culture and by other men, so don't take his caution personally! It's just that he's been trained to be careful about who he loses his heart to.

TIP #3: Focus on Building a Great Relationship...
...And Let Commitment Come Naturally

The problem that happens with most women is that they want commitment without having to build any sort of FOUNDATION for it.

Commitment doesn't happen out of nowhere. Men and woman alike commit because the foundation for a great relationship is in place.

They let one another be who they are without trying to change the other person. They have open and supportive patterns of communication. They look forward to future plans, and they express affection in a generous, nurturing way.

Great relationships require a number of skills.
You have to know how to resolve conflicts together as a couple. You have to be able to balance "we" time with "me" time. You have to learn to respect and live with differences of opinion.

You shouldn't wait to learn good relationship skills until you find yourself in a long term relationship or get married ALL of us - no matter what stage we're at - can benefit from learning to relate to men in a way that makes them feel great and us even better.

Because the BETTER a man feels around you ... the more ACCEPTED he feels by you ... the more CONNECTED he feels to you ... the more he's going to want to commit to you despite himself!

**** fellow female bloggers, are you listening??

****fellow male bloggers, if this doesn't prove that I love men & get me a date with Mr. Right... nothing will!

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 18, 2008 3:59 PM

Hi, why do people consistently post misinformation about themselves on here ie. age, ancient photos, status? Surely they must realize that anyone with with a bit of sense will see through the rouse as soon as they meet. What a waste of time... Also, is it me, or is there an abundance of 'grannie grabbers' on RSVP? I'm flattered, but as the blogs recommend responding to all kisses received - it does get a bit time consuming. I'd rather spend my time chatting to someone closer to my age (I practice the 10 year rule - not the 30) I am young at heart but I'd really rather have more in common with the men I date ;-)

Posted by: tiasamaero at January 18, 2008 3:51 PM

Good luck on the weekend WnW...that was an encouragement kiss for the new you...it is great and is you to a T...well what I think is you from your writing and ideas:)

I'm going to give some serious thought into what I want from a man over the weekend as I am beginning to think that we are all a bit ambivalent about it all and it's like being in a market and trying to pick out a good nectarine...be back!...and I hope it will be helpful to the men on site. Imamuse, I agree that men should have combinations of qualities...know when to be tender and when to be strong...when to be right...and when to be wrong...maybe a poem there.

Posted by: istj54 at January 18, 2008 3:38 PM

yeah yeah yeah you perve, we want 30 k's next time and no perving, ill be counting as you go passed the coffee shop. me i like the straight expresso, like women good and full of body, but with a hint of deception and the sweetness of the mystical.

Posted by: moreofaman4u at January 18, 2008 3:07 PM

I confess I did enjoy the coffee, but dont get the impression that I was in any way loafing around as I ride around 30 km a day on my bicycle, although today I packed it in after 20 km...you know how it is..sun shining, coffee beckoning, and in all honesty some pretty cute guys sitting in an outside cafe at the 20 km mark....just cant seem to cycle past a cafe with a good machiatta on offer !

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 18, 2008 2:59 PM

FP, thxs for your last post because now i know what he wants and she wants i am even more confused. All i do know is there is still alot of people alone looking for a certain someone.
ps did you enjoy your latte?

Posted by: moreofaman4u at January 18, 2008 2:50 PM

Only joking .... actually I probably have a meeting this weekend.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 18, 2008 2:39 PM

And wait...........

Posted by: woodnwine at January 18, 2008 2:38 PM

FP - great news! I read through the list and can tick off all the following:
clean shaven (almost), 183cm, short brown hair, love pets fine wine & nice restaurants, wacky sense of humour, like jeans & T shirt, 80kg, home in good location, 3 serious relationships, don't smoke or watch football!!!

Wow, I can just sit back and wait!

Posted by: woodnwine at January 18, 2008 2:37 PM

WHAT WOMEN REALLY WANT

As I sat in my local cafe this morning, sipping on a long macchiata, I came across the following article in one of the Melbourne's daily newspapers:

Survey finds what women really want in Mr Right
Article from:
January 18, 2008

HE should be clean-shaven, good-looking and drive a silver Mercedes. And, most important of all, he should be more than 178cm.
Height is apparently more important than looks to women looking for Mr Right, a survey claims.
With blue eyes, short dark-brown hair and medium build, the ideal candidate would appear to be film star Jake Gyllenhaal.
Looks aside, the perfect partner must also love pets and appreciate fine wine, theatres and nice restaurants. Coupled with this he should have a "wacky" sense of humour, according to the study of 40,000 women by UKdating.com.
Mr Right wears smart jeans and a T-shirt, weighs exactly 80.5kg and is a doctor or lawyer who owns a home in a good location.
He has had three serious relationships, no more than six sexual partners, has never been married and doesn't have children.
The precise check-list has been compiled from preferences entered by members of the dating website. Also important is a university education: many women specify a man with a BA degree.
Smokers and football fans were given the thumbs-down.
Only 1 per cent of women questioned would date a chap who hates pets.
The majority -- 66 per cent -- want to find a partner who is fit. Even more -- 68 per cent -- are looking for a wacky sense of humour.
David Brown, managing director of UKdating.com, said: "The female daters on our website certainly know what they want and they are not afraid to let the men know.
"They are looking for a man in a similar way to looking for a mortgage -- by going to websites, saying what they want and comparing what is out there."
Fortunately for imperfect men, however, not all women go for the Gyllenhaal ideal.
"Cuddly lovers" were favoured by 21 per cent, while 16 per cent would like to find a balding gent like Bruce Willis.
Another 11 per cent said their Mr Right would be ginger, while 18 per cent said they would prefer a man with grey hair. And 28 per cent claimed they do not care how much a man earns.
Facial hair proved surprisingly popular: 28 per cent of those surveyed admitted they liked a goatee and 21 per cent said they would like to meet a man with a moustache. Only 2 per cent of women, however, said they wouldn't mind dating someone who was less than 152cm tall.
The description of the perfect man came hot on the heels of a study into what men find attractive.
That study confirmed what many already suspected, which is that long legs -- and high heels -- are attractive to men.
Researchers speculated that the appeal of lengthy limbs might be that they suggest good health and social standing, New Scientist reported.
The researchers asked more than 200 volunteers to rate the attractiveness of a series of images of a silhouetted man or woman. In each case, the legs had been lengthened or shortened slightly, but the overall height remained the same.
Both sexes described the pictures in which the legs were slightly longer than average as being the most attractive.
But while legs 5 per cent longer than average proved the most popular, very long legs -- around 15 per cent above the norm -- fared poorly.
The researchers from Wroclaw University in Poland said extremely long legs in a woman could indicate poor child-bearing prospects.
Previous work by the same researchers suggested women saw taller men as good for a fling but saw shorter men as better companions for settling down.

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 18, 2008 2:25 PM

FP - I'll try to give you my impressions/ideas. I would show my interest in a woman by being genuinely interested in what she likes, her family, her job, her future goals and plans, her friends. I would show her affection in more than just sexual ways, I would compliment her, be tolerant of her needs, desires, bad habits. I don't have as much experience to base this on as some, but whilst I enjoy good sex I try not to make it the most important thing and try not rush it or overemphasise it. If it is right, it will just happen.

I think if a man is genuinely interested in a woman and doesn't just want her for sex then he should be able to make that obvious enough. He would be keen to be with her, not keep her wondering when the next phone call might be, be available for her, gladly do small things to help her.

If a man only calls you every so often and isn't very flexible with his availability then you might have to wonder if he is actually interested in you or just wants some comfort when it suits him.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 18, 2008 2:20 PM

Woodnwine-its true what you said in your last post. So from a womans point of view, how do you tell if a man is interested in the whole package and not just the sex. This sounds like an obvious simple question, but its not... as I think men can send out very mixed messages to women that are pretty hard to decipher. Maybe women do too. Either way, a guys behavior towards a woman speaks loads more than what he says..so back to square 1

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 18, 2008 1:54 PM

Oh FP - I think that may be an age thing with men. At my age I think we need more than just physical attraction and often it isn't the physical that first attracts us.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 18, 2008 1:30 PM

diamondblue2: I agree with your points, however I think if a woman is attracted to a guy she is attracted to everything about him and therefore wants to get to know him as a person as well with the view to a relationship.

Whereas, from my experience men can be very sexually attracted to a woman, but aren't interested in getting to know a woman or even wanting a relationship with her.

Thats when things go awry.

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 18, 2008 1:06 PM

Well said DB - we need both, not just one or the other, for things to work properly.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 18, 2008 1:00 PM

Good morning everyone,

This is the way I see the chemistry thing--

(Taking a deep breath) Chemistry is sexual attraction. A lot of the barriers between men and women could be dissolved if we (women) could stop denying this.

I know that we want more than a feeling of physical attraction when we are looking at a potential relationship (because as we all know, there is a lot more to satisfying relationships than sex).

Intelligence, wit, compassion and empathy are essential attributes of the man I am going to LOVE, but are not the things producing the physical feelings in my body (which in earlier posts we called "tingles, shivers, etc).

For example, if a really ugly green, slimy, wart-infested alien from another planet (who in all OTHER aspects was the same as human men)--and his wit, intelligence and compassion totally blew me away, like no man has ever done before, there wouldn't be any chemistry (ie sexual attraction) at the first meeting or the third, or the fifth. But I would probably ask him to be my best friend.

And he would probably feel the same about me. (That is, if green skin, slime and warts were attractive to him--because last time I looked, I only had one out of three, and he might be fussy).

There is no definite answer, but I do wish women would value the sexual aspects of a relationship--and therefore value what men are trying to say to us. (Believe me, I haven't always thought about things this way).

Humour is probably the most important human quality. Relax and laugh and forget what you should, or should not be doing.

db

Posted by: diamondblue2 at January 18, 2008 12:09 PM

lol ODE read some of your posts including the toothbrush episode ... had a look at your profile as well ... eagerly anticipating your first novel.

Posted by: newyearnewbeginnings at January 18, 2008 10:03 AM

ODE, LOL..most peoples' eyes would have glazed over 1/4 of the way into that speech..! I do believe in chemistry in that I know that certain men, as soon as I meet them make me go a bit weak in the knees. I suspect that is the famous pheromones...who knows. But many people are looking for that combination of physical attraction and personality that is generally called 'chemistry', but just as easily could have been labeled 'physics'. So next time, just say "Sorry, the physics just aren't there for me."

Posted by: lamuse at January 18, 2008 9:40 AM

Well, to cut a long story short.

One femme recently opined: “You’re just looking for a mother substitute.”

So desired attributes: matronly, good cook, loves me unconditionally.

See- no talk of chemistry there.

Another said: “Why don’t you settle for a dog?”

So desired attributes: face like a bull mastiff, body to match, follows me round slavishly and loves me unconditionally.

See- no talk of chemistry there either.

And another said: “Are you sure you’re not in love with your ute. You pay more attention to it than you do me.”

So, desired attributes: turbo charged, mags, flaming red in colour, furnished like a brothel with interior accessories, loves me unconditionally.

Again- no talk of chemistry.

Conclusion- talking chemistry is just utter rubbish.

Posted by: neuroticfish at January 18, 2008 9:02 AM

seriously - what is it if not chemistry? how do men define it?

Posted by: today122 at January 18, 2008 8:37 AM

It was Bandstand, Istj. Not Futurama. WE may be Easybeats, but if women don’t drop the chemistry rubbish, you’ll get no Loving Spoonfuls, let alone become The Loved Ones, and you’ll all end up as Yardbirds crawling around in the backyard with The Beatles, and hiding under Rolling Stones.

Posted by: neuroticfish at January 18, 2008 8:22 AM

Good morning Ode....great writing, witty, undeniably clever..now all I need you to do is to board that futuristic craft..and meet me..so we can prove this theory of yours. Are you up for it ?

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 18, 2008 8:11 AM

and maybe the feminist mafia is too DENSE and too immersed in their own particular gravity to be able to contribute any energy to this theorem. Or maybe the elusive chemistry is diluted by the use of energy on matters considered extraneous to the offender/ defender, to become PHYSICal, as finely worded by my colleague, so that each particular piece of matter is spinning in separate orbits, and probably out of control.

very clever ODE.
But can I ask maybe a very silly question - isn't the bloke looking for chemistry? seriously. And - no I've never said there was no chemistry, but I've had it said to me

Posted by: today122 at January 18, 2008 7:48 AM

I have never actually said to a man that there is no "chemistry"...just behind their backs to everyone else...but now I will feel free to say, " I don't wish to become "PHYSICal with you."...is that better?..."I feel no momentum...seeya, have a nice life. I wish you well in your search...and hey, haven't I seen you on Futurama?"

Very clever piece ODE:)

Posted by: istj54 at January 18, 2008 7:32 AM

At long last, but I doubt if you will receive many accolades from the feminist mafia for this piece of brilliancy. Hope all my favourite femme fatales read it.

Posted by: neuroticfish at January 18, 2008 6:54 AM

HOW TO USE PHYSICS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP MATTERS

"There's no chemistry."

I'm sure you've heard it from a man or woman you've desired. Maybe you've heard it more than once. Maybe you've heard it more than ten times, at which point you decide to experiment with solutions by investing in pheromone scams or flunitrazepam (better known as rohypnol or "roofies").

For the past few decades, confused daters have had to listen to self-satisfied people demonstrate their spiritual-emotional superiority through vapid bloviations about some vaguely defined "chemistry". Usually the person dispensing the elusive term takes up the attitude of a little hydrogen atom (with as little substance) that is always looking out for atomic Number One and that considers itself unique and wonders why everything else is so chemically dense or inert -- not realising that its own simplicity makes it the most abundant atom in the known universe, ranking up there with and apt to become on occasion the whiney-voiced helium. And if it should find that intense chemistry it seeks with a partner resembling itself, well, we then have the devastatingly destructive nuclear fusion that brought us the hydrogen bomb.

So what's the best way of dealing with current or potential partners who like to tell you a lot about chemistry?

There's no point joining them or questioning them, since their language is a language of its own, one they've mastered and one in which you'll be perceived illiterate. So don't question them or become defensive. Go on the counteroffensive. The best thing to do is to shift away from the metaphors of chemistry and rain down with the metaphors of physics, which offer you a much richer playing field.

Partner: "What do mean what's the matter? I just don't feel that there's any chemistry between us. There's no connection. No energy."

You: "I think I know what you mean. We're too alike and POLAR OPPOSITES ATTRACT. I feel that we're simply acting on IMPULSE, and whatever MOMENTUM we build is quickly DISSIPATED by the FRICTION between us. Although at times we have a lot of ELECTRICITY and MAGNETISM happening, I feel that we're MOVING TOO FAST and that we don't understand the GRAVITY of the situation, the WEIGHT of responsibility bearing down on us. I'm feeling a lot of PRESSURE -- the HEAT is on -- and that's not a good way to build anything SOLID and STABLE. What we're doing is sure to invite an UNPREDICTABLE CHAOS, and that's not what I seek in a relationship. At times it feels as though we're SPINNING IN CIRCLES, whereas I prefer a LINEAR MOTION where our interests don't COLLIDE and where we have good BALANCE. I think you're a HOT/COOL chick/guy, with plenty of WARMTH, but sometimes I wonder whether I'm just ON THE REBOUND, BOUNCING BACK, ready to FALL for anyone who comes my way and anyone who offers no RESISTANCE to my MOVEMENTS. So while we're asking ourselves 'What's the MATTER?' I don't think that's it that we have no ENERGY, since the MATTER at hand is ENERGY in a certain sense**. I just feel that you haven't given me much SPACE, and I need more TIME to sort out my feelings."

** e=mc^2

If you go on the counteroffensive as suggested above, you may find that your partner suddenly goes on the defensive and gives reasons why you two should stay together.

The true power of adopting physics over chemistry can be seen when we consider one of those so-called impossible-to-fix differences between two people: age. I know that there are a lot of 50- to 60-year-old guys out there who have their eyes on a girl aged 18 or 19. These guys may feel that they're truly in love, but they consider the age difference an insurmountable obstacle to lasting happiness.

Not so.

The future of dating is in physics, namely in Einstein's special theory of relativity.

If it is true love, the guy wouldn't mind if the girl were a 50- to 60-year old woman -- he would still be in love with her. And the way to bring about this situation is for the guy to hop in a futuristic spacecraft and circle Earth at a speed approaching c, the constant speed of light in a vacuum. He would time his trip based on a clock in his own frame of reference, the spacecraft. His speed relative to Earth should result in the time dilation that will allow him to return to the planet and find that the woman of his dreams has aged appreciably in relation to his own age.

Age barrier solved.

That is the practical application of the famous Twin Trip. If you're skeptical, it was verified in 1971 in the Hafele-Keating experiment, which used atomic clocks on airliners.

Love will always find a way.

OnlineDatingExpert

References
=========

Einstein, Albert - "On the Electrodynamics of Moving Bodies"
Einstein, Albert - "Relativity: The Special and the General Theory"
Russell, Bertrand - "ABC of Relativity"
Taylor, Edwin & Wheeler, John - "Spacetime Physics: Introduction to Special Relativity"

Posted by: onlinedatingexpert at January 18, 2008 4:38 AM

Posted by: happyandready at January 17, 2008 3:30 PM

Well there you go, I am sorry you had to put up with that. My ex that stalked me was real time, like the movies. have you seen, sleeping with the enemy.

I was not going to correspond with a psycho like that. Just as the Julia Roberts Character would have been seduced by a totally nut case, they being all charming.

However once wed my goodness to put it politely if you knew my story it would have your hairs stand on end.

It is surprising that I am doing as well as I am. It may explain though my choice of 2nd husband playing save.... way too save, that I ended up marrying someone that could not have a proper relationship with a women but to only be a friend.

After all this and more I remain optimistic. I only get upset if crossed and then the Irish Grandmother comes out in me.

I am listening to Elton John and I can agree with the song 'I'm still standing after all this time'

Posted by: mstingle at January 18, 2008 2:08 AM

happyandready - that's really hard. Why was he not able to just tell her? Her threats were just that, and he just allowed himself to be manipulated, sadly, and in talking to her would have been just leading her on even more, and not allowing her to get on with her life either. She needed some honesty, or some other sort of help. It was up to him to sort this out, not up to you to be more tolerant and understanding or whatever. Just really hard for everyone involved.

Posted by: today122 at January 17, 2008 7:07 PM

My ex was being 'stalked' by HIS ex the whole time we were together. Yet he replied to her texts, emails and spoke to her for hours at a time on the phone and refused to tell her that he was in a new relationship because she threatened to end her life over him. When I told him he was perpetuating her stalking behaviour by responding to her contact and not gently but firmly telling her he had moved on he just didn't get it ! he would promise to end it with her but then I would catch him out answering her calls and answering her emails and texts. Three's a crowd. Should I have been a bit more tolerant and understanding ?

Posted by: happyandready at January 17, 2008 3:30 PM

exactly Lamuse!!!
and also makes us less likely to trust our own judgment as well. And I think that’s even worse

Posted by: today122 at January 17, 2008 2:49 PM

amuse - oh well, some people are like that ........others aren't.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 16, 2008 11:32 PM

True, but the problem for the ones that aren't is that such betrayals of trust by ones that are tend to make one trust less the next time and it makes it hard to distinguish the real from the players.

Posted by: lamuse at January 17, 2008 11:51 AM

wishfulthinker03 at January 16, 2008 11:40 PM

Yes that is aweful. My 1st husband stalked me for quite sometime after we split up, he just would not push off! It was scary at the time all the things he got up to. Thank god things are different after my 2nd marriage failed.

Posted by: mstingle at January 17, 2008 8:58 AM

aliane at January 16, 2008 10:11 PM

Well thank you and you also.

Posted by: mstingle at January 17, 2008 8:53 AM

I am still really good friends with my ex boyfriend, we kind of went through a lot together and we were only young when we first started dating. it was hard at first, we didnt keep in contact for a year but after we got over one another we picked up where we left off and we happy to just be friends.
with that being said, i only found out today that he is engaged to a girl he has been dating for only 4 months.
i guess it hurt me a little bit, because we were together for 3 years.

you win some you lose some.
im happy for him. but i still get that little tinge of pain

Posted by: danibeansauce at January 17, 2008 1:13 AM

butterflies and others. I think what I meant was the short term ones who do string us along for whatever reason, not the long term history ones.

Posted by: today122 at January 17, 2008 12:46 AM

Sorry to hear that wishfulthinker03 - life can be difficult.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 17, 2008 12:18 AM

I tend to agree with the general consensus you can't remain friends - with the exception of Shadow and good on you for that.

When I split with my ex, after he took a swing at me, I wanted nothing to do with him, Had to email him to let him know some tax details (thought email would be easier, no face to face) and he emails back a great to hear from you, why can't we be friends, I would love that, etc. - why?? Cos you took a swing at me in front of my children? Told him it'd be too difficult, just move on so he starts emailing, txting etc.

The cruncher was when he decided to turn up somewhere he knew we'd be and was going to bring his new girl along - yeah that's cosy - let's ALL be friends....I think not :) It was a good 5 years but leave it there and move on....

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 16, 2008 11:40 PM

lamuse - oh well, some people are like that ........others aren't.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 16, 2008 11:32 PM

Butterflies1966, I was played the fool early last year by someone who was like that..kept stringing me along for months with double messages, apparently because it stroked his ego...eventually the crunch came and he finally was up front about my not being 'the one'...but he was extremely keen for us to remain friends as we had connected so well. But I just couldn't be his friend after that behavior...I felt humiliated and I despised what he'd done.

Posted by: lamuse at January 16, 2008 11:13 PM

Hello everyone! I am a newbie to rsvp. Out of curiosity and impatience I've decided to try out the site before losing the 30 odd kilos I reckon I should to be acceptable to men. What do you think my chances are of meeting a serious long-term friend, lover or partner before reaching my ideal weight?

Posted by: alottalady at January 16, 2008 11:03 PM

Welcome back aliane........we are all over in the kitchen :)

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 16, 2008 10:17 PM

thanks all,

Us women may have weird notions on remaining friends, but since I have a number of friends who are ex's I think it is possible. Not always I admit.

I guess when I posted the question I was also quite mad at myself for being gullible enough at the time to believe he really was not sure what he wanted.

I would just have preferred to have been told straight out. hey you live and learn.

Posted by: butterflies1966 at January 16, 2008 10:08 PM

shadowzone - good for you ... I think these kind of friendships can sometimes be possible but not always.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 16, 2008 9:08 PM

This is completely off topic:

“We are looking for JPs, doctors, police, nurses, MPs etc to volunteer to officiate at our official Guinness World Record attempt speed dating events for the world's biggest speed date!”

What a combination. Do the JPs need Marriage Celebrant qualifications as well. Might improve the success rate of this site if you corner them before they leave the building.

I suppose the doctors and nurses are needed for heart attacks due to the sheer speed of the event.

One femme fatale told me her at her last one she was utterly impressed by “Hello what’s your name. Are you any good in bed. Goodbye” Maybe an undertaker to pick this classic womaniser up off the floor.

Definitely police for those who overreach and can’t keep their hands off the talent.

And MPs of course. Military Police. Always a necessity at these sort of functions.

Posted by: neuroticfish at January 16, 2008 8:47 PM

The concept of friendship that you talk about does not work.
Once youi have crossed the line and been physical forget about being friends.
The man would not want to sit around waiting for you to tell him you are off with some other guy and the new guy would not like the idea that you have an old lover haning around.
I think women in general have the strangest unbelievable notions of friendships with men.
They only way it works is to be friends from the start with no hint of romantism or physical contact, other than that , just move on .

Posted by: rsvpunk at January 16, 2008 9:03 AM

sadly I think mr punk is right. I think the suggestion of a "friendship" from a female to a male who's just dumped on her is trying to hang onto a little chance - if we're friends then he'll realise that I'm pretty cool after all and he'll fall in love or lust or something. And so that the investment of time and energy and emotion is not totally without return. But a man who says goodbye to a woman is not interested, full stop.
Bleak, sad, but I think that's it. sorry

Posted by: today122 at January 16, 2008 9:19 AM

I beg to differ, I have one ex who I talk to constantly. I was even at her wedding. We are great mates and whenever I'm in Perth I stay at her house. Her husband is aware of the past and that we were involved and also aware that we are now nothing more than friends. We don't have any problems with this, and neither does he, but they don't have any secrets either. She has never hidden the fact I'm an ex from him and I actually quite like the guy as a result we all get along very well.

Maybe this is the exception to the rule and maybe not? I am sure though that in general terms you would be right. I also have a friend and we were casual lovers for sometime and no longer are now, who's current boyfriend and I are great mates. He knows the past and doesn't let it bother him. In fact when I was in Brisvegas for New yrs and he was staying on the Goldie we caught up and hit the town together. Again this is either the exception to the rule or maybe I'm very very different.

In the first case we split because she couldnt handle my workaholic ways and the fact I simply had to work as often as possible and its still a problem now with relationships, but something I'm working on and getting better at controlling. In the second it was simply a matter of Me moving away to chase my career and so on. Nothing negative and no animosity...

Posted by: shadowzone at January 16, 2008 7:01 PM

I have only remained friends with one ex but have had infrequent contact with a couple of others. My ex wife, I haven't seen for almost a year and doubt we could be friends because of the uncomfortable way we broke up. Also, there is no reason to see her as we have so little in common and I think that is the key. You know what they say about opposites attracting ... well they do but I think they rarely stay together.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 16, 2008 4:12 PM

There is a place I go
In the night of my mind
With its own stars all lit up
I think of you
Of your warmth your humanity
Your words divine and arms sublime
You reached out to me when I was lost
I would ask you so many more things
You teach me yearning
Every night when my soul is quiet and my Heart beats gently
I think of you with fear and fondness
Because only YOU come near
To the real me
Until I see you again
We must meet in nightly prayer
And dance in the quiet trust of
Mutual yearning
To be close
Again

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 16, 2008 1:55 PM

today122 at January 16, 2008 9:19 AM

I agree that I have not remained friends with any of my ex's etc once the relationship was over that was it. Never saw them a gain. My second husband is another kettle of fish we were friends to begin with, we should have remained that way, marriage did not work so we are back to friends.

I realise that many people will not understand this. I didn't think I would either but I suppose you don't know until it happens. there is no way Jose that we will be back together as a couple, yuk!

Posted by: mstingle at January 16, 2008 1:36 PM

sadly I think mr punk is right. I think the suggestion of a "friendship" from a female to a male who's just dumped on her is trying to hang onto a little chance - if we're friends then he'll realise that I'm pretty cool after all and he'll fall in love or lust or something. And so that the investment of time and energy and emotion is not totally without return. But a man who says goodbye to a woman is not interested, full stop.
Bleak, sad, but I think that's it. sorry

Posted by: today122 at January 16, 2008 9:19 AM

Hi all, back on RSVP after what turned out to be a short relationship (three months).

Would like to throw a questions out there; Why is it that some guys feel the need to tell you they are not sure what they want, when what they mean is they don't want you?

I am a big girl now, I can take the truth. I believe I could have maintained a friendship with this guy if it had not been for the "I need to think about us" and then being told he was back on RSVP.

would love to hear your thoughts.

Posted by: butterflies1966 at January 16, 2008 12:58 AM

I just love this...........

Lives are for living I live for you
Dreams are for dreaming I dream for you
Hearts are for beating mine beats for you
Angels are for keeping. Can I keep you?

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 15, 2008 9:37 PM

ah ladies. you're a breath of fresh air!
keep on laughing.

Posted by: today122 at January 15, 2008 8:05 PM

You have to laugh or you go crazy.........
Posted by: mstingle at January 15, 2008 6:54 PM

Just keeping myself (and others :))amused while waiting for my special someone to find me............again.........I dont bite :)

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 15, 2008 7:03 PM

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 15, 2008 6:24 PM

Very good as alway's.

I have been tempted this week to throw my computer out the window.

Seriously who has the time to learn and install every little bit that they make it neccesary for you to have, so that things work much better.

I think they need to kidknap Bill Gates and hold him till he comes up with something that actually works and not just for 5 minutes.

I can also relate to # 10 in away becuase if I lock my car it will only let me in when it whats to. I think I need a new key. At over $100.00 a pop, it is annoying to put it politely.

You have to laugh or you go crazy. May be that's what's wrong with some people on the blog at times they don't laugh enough :)

Posted by: mstingle at January 15, 2008 6:54 PM

For mstingle and anyone else having sign in/posting problems on the blog, perhaps this help explain it ....hehe........

At a recent computer expo Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated "if GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the car windows, shut it off, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Only one person at a time could use the car unless you bought "CarNT," but then you would have to buy more seats.

6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive -- but would only run on five percent of the roads.

7. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "General Protection Fault" warning light.

8. New seats would force everyone to have the same sized butt.

9. The airbag system would ask "are you SURE?" before deploying.

10. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously
lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally Road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Dept.

12. Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

13. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 15, 2008 6:24 PM

today122 at January 15, 2008 2:55 PM

Hi what time was your post on the other blog?

Sunday it is!

Posted by: mstingle at January 15, 2008 5:43 PM

"cheeky",,,,,,,,,play ball

Posted by: moreofaman4u at January 15, 2008 2:56 PM

ah mstingle, you have a lovely way with words.
I've just posted some cranky provoked things on the other blog, and I should have read yours first, I think.
see you Sunday

Posted by: today122 at January 15, 2008 2:55 PM

jenjen57 at January 15, 2008 12:05 PM

"If you build it, they will come"

Field of dreams

Posted by: mstingle at January 15, 2008 2:50 PM

When two people communicate, love can happen anywhere, anytime, and often unexpectedly. The Internet only opens a new setting for an old drama. However, whenever, or wherever people get together, love will find a way...........

Ever the optimist...........

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 15, 2008 12:05 PM

No, love, love, don't come easy
But I keep on waiting
Anticipating for that soft voice
To talk to me at night
For some tender arms
To hold me tight
I keep waiting
I keep on waiting
But it ain't easy
It ain't easy
But mama said:

You can't hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said to trust, give it time
No matter how long it takes

You can't hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
It's a game of give and take

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 15, 2008 9:52 AM

Aliane. You are not supposed to leave this place. There is No EXIT door. Weren’t you told that when you joined. It’s written in black and white under the Help column (the column where the puppet masters can hear the desperate cries for HELP, LET ME ESCAPE, but devise even further tricks, like “Let em blog” the rough equivalent of Marie Antoinette’s “Let them eat cake”). The way you express yourself may be a bit difficult to understand to those not acquainted with people from other countries (someone used to say here last year, yes it’s was probably WnW, “Aliane what are you trying to tell me” to which I told WnW to get himself a Filipina wife and he’d soon learn the language.

Posted by: neuroticfish at January 15, 2008 8:39 AM

misswendyxx at January 14, 2008 9:45 PM

Whats with the other blog I have tried to read it 5 times now. I get in, I don't have to sign in again it just freezes when I scroll down and then wont budge.

Posted by: mstingle at January 14, 2008 11:56 PM

On his way out of church after mass, Frank stopped at the door to speak to the minister. “Would it be right,” he asked, “for a person to profit from the mistakes of another?”

“Absolutely not!” replied the pastor, disappointed that Frank would even ask such a question.

“In that case,” said the young man, “I wonder if you’d consider returning the five hundred dollars I paid you to marry my wife and me last July.”

Posted by: gopiesdotcom at January 14, 2008 9:56 PM

Woodnwine - I listen to JJJ and most of my girlfriends listen to it too.

I couldn't post this on the other blog, it takes to long to load especially when you have to go through the sign in saga.

Posted by: misswendyxx at January 14, 2008 9:45 PM

Not this chickybabe either eastofcbd !!

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 14, 2008 9:44 PM

jenjen57 I couldn't have said it better, women over 50 are even better, pity some men think that we are shrivelled up and bitter... not me baby.

Posted by: eastofcbd at January 14, 2008 9:37 PM

aliane - you haven't caused any misbehaviour - what you say has been really interesting and given us all a lot to think about.
So - please stay and keep talking to us.
and your profile is great, and your photos are beautiful.
good luck and stay happy

Posted by: today122 at January 14, 2008 8:42 PM

shadowzone - your profile was still hidden a little while ago.
And so far as kids and the number of them go, you can only do what you think is right. It's really up to you. But maybe think - if a woman came along who was wonderful, everything that you wished for, but had 3 kids, would you just cross her off the list on that basis? Or would she never get on the list because of the numbers of kids? You may be cutting out some wonderful women, but it's your choice of course.
If other people think you're a bastard for this, why does that matter? Who are you hurting?

Posted by: today122 at January 13, 2008 9:32 PM

O.K. the answer to this is yes I would and have. I still question this decision some days as she truly is one of my best friends. It is simply the sticking point for me which is unfortunately the deal breaker in my mind. I have tried and tried to work my way around it, but just cannot seem to get to this point.

shadowzone, it's a good thing to have an idea of what you can and/or can't afford in terms of children so that you can do the best for them (yes, they can be expensive little suckers). However, my concern is, what happens if you meet a lovely lady, no children (as yet) and then you fall in love, get married (did I get the order right), and then find out she cannot have children? What then?

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 13, 2008 9:55 PM

Wishful in this instance I believe either Adoption or Fostercare would be a suitable compromise I know the work and pain that can come with Fostering kids, but believe at the same time it could be rewarding. Either way there is normally a way around these things.

Posted by: shadowzone at January 14, 2008 7:36 PM

Hi mstingle - yes, the dogs are Maltese but I don't think they are actually part of the Terrier family. I used to think so myself until I got them. They are both girls and are great company around the house.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 14, 2008 6:17 PM

Aliane, I have enjoyed reading all your posts and happy to be able to put a face to a name. You are very beautiful. Good luck with your search on RSVP.

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 14, 2008 5:40 PM

Hi WnW

I just had a look at your profile and photo's. Very nice, love the dog's. Are they Maltese Terriers? I used to have one called peaches and he was such an intelligent dog.

Hope you find the one that is right for you.

Posted by: mstingle at January 14, 2008 4:46 PM

woodnwine at January 14, 2008 4:25 PM

We do whether we like it or not. We just have to remember that it is a different person and make sure we have dealt with any issues from the past relationships that may hinder the new relationship.

Posted by: mstingle at January 14, 2008 4:36 PM

aliane at January 14, 2008 11:09 AM

Hi aliane, I had a look at your profile and photo's. Very nice.

Posted by: mstingle at January 14, 2008 4:33 PM

I think one problem about starting to date again might be to subconsciously compare people to your previous partner.... physically, emotionally, socially etc.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 14, 2008 4:25 PM

Jenjen, just wanted to add to your list, in praise of....in praise of women over 60: we live 10 years longer than our male peers, so younger men can have a great time together with a wise and fun companion, and still be young enough to repartner when we fall off the perch!
Not a bad deal. LOL

Posted by: lamuse at January 14, 2008 3:03 PM

Hi wnw, post re women over 40 for amusement only..........I see from reading profiles that most of the men 40s and 50s are looking for someone of similar age :)
Why oh why is it so hard to find a special someone though ?
It is becoming difficult to not feel just a tad "over it", but I guess if we all just keep looking we will find the someone we are seeking.Eventually.

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 14, 2008 12:43 PM

jenjen - very funny post about women over 40 but men do have some redeeming features too and most of us aren't chasing 22YO waitresses, we are trying hard to find someone of a similar age that has things in common with us so we can form a long-term relationship.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 14, 2008 12:26 PM

aliane - there was no misbehavioural on your part.
Thank you for sharing with all of us.
Wishing you all the very best for your happiness, peace, health and prosperity.

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 14, 2008 11:38 AM

aliane - of course it's true. You know more about this then the rest of us, and you obviously get cranky about it all, and for good reason I reckon. So thanks for this.

Posted by: today122 at January 14, 2008 8:49 AM

jenjen - that's great. and especially the last line. thank you for all your good sayings, and the good jokes

Posted by: today122 at January 14, 2008 8:47 AM

shadowzone at January 13, 2008 9:09 PM

There is nothing wrong with knowing what you want. As for finding a woman of 30 that has not had children to have children with, I was under the impression that there were many under this discription. That there were a lot of women having children later in life due to wanting to travel and or establishing a career.

Posted by: mstingle at January 14, 2008 4:53 AM

27 Wise Life Tips

*Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
*Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance.
*Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
*A bumble bee is considerably faster than a tractor.
*Words that soak into your ears are whispered…not yelled.
*Meanness don’t jes’ happen overnight.
*Always drink upstream from the herd.
*Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
*Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
*It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.
*Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
*You cannot unsay a cruel word.
*Every path has a few puddles.
*When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
*The best sermons are lived, not preached.
*Most of the stuff people worry about ain’t never gonna happen anyway.
*Don’t judge folks by their relatives.
*Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
*Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time.
*Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
*Don’t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t botherin’ you none.
*If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.
*Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
*The biggest troublemaker you’ll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin’.
*Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in.
*If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.
*Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 13, 2008 11:53 PM

Posted by: mstingle at January 13, 2008 2:25 PM

Unfortuanately I did not have a crystal ball to tell me that my 2nd marriage would end leaving me with two small children to raise or I would have opted for travel.

The couple I mentioned did marry later than a lot of people for his second marriage,her first. Of course you would not swap your children for all the tea in China misstingle, and we all hope to meet someone who is accepting of our circumstances as we would be of theirs. If it is all out in the open at the beginning that is best surely. None of us had that chrysal ball but maybe the future will be brighter for us all : )) It is just coincidence or something that all my children are teenagers and two are uni age so quite independent, socially and emotionally. Some of my friends have began a second marriage not long ago and a few are in the limbo of not quite committing to each other. I have a bit to observe in my circle of friends. This is an interesting topic.

Posted by: irisgirl at January 13, 2008 9:22 AM
Sorry I do not think that I got exactly what you are saying about the non-ticking of that box. It is a matter of meeting men or at least mailing and chatting and finding out where they are coming from if you get to the stage where you are interested in each other and it is somehow an issue. Seems to be some stretching of the truth with box ticking (not the blog men) and even heard that some men who are in 40s or 50s will tick the box saying "undecided" about children to attract the younger. (not bloggers) I have found the opposite that lots of men are a bit reluctant toward sole parents. It takes all sorts.

WnW I have no idea what lila31 is trying to say in her profile...ready for a day in the garden, perhaps?

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 13, 2008 11:02 PM

But im my experience I am yet to meet or even chat to anyone that see your great idea as we do

Posted by: thetinman68 at January 13, 2008 11:01 AM

Well yes you have to meet the lady first. A few other bloggers have mentioned the seperate dwelling idea. sorry everyone else, its about the third time I have brought that up. Things do sometimes fall into place I have noticed with couples I know who embarked on a second marriage. I did not do the second marriage bit, hope it is an advantage. Now I will not settle as is the case for I think all the bloggers.

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 13, 2008 10:44 PM

shadowzone, it's a good thing to have an idea of what you can and/or can't afford in terms of children so that you can do the best for them (yes, they can be expensive little suckers). However, my concern is, what happens if you meet a lovely lady, no children (as yet) and then you fall in love, get married (did I get the order right), and then find out she cannot have children? What then?

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 13, 2008 9:55 PM

shadowzone - your profile was still hidden a little while ago.
And so far as kids and the number of them go, you can only do what you think is right. It's really up to you. But maybe think - if a woman came along who was wonderful, everything that you wished for, but had 3 kids, would you just cross her off the list on that basis? Or would she never get on the list because of the numbers of kids? You may be cutting out some wonderful women, but it's your choice of course.
If other people think you're a bastard for this, why does that matter? Who are you hurting?

Posted by: today122 at January 13, 2008 9:32 PM

O.K. first things first - I got around to doing what i think is a decent update of my profile today.

Secondly the kid thing - I am 30 and would like to meet someone and have children with them. It is just something which I think would complement my life. In saying this I also have had to reassess my views on single mothers as a result of this decision. I am of the opinion that should she have more than one child she isn't right for me. I would like 3 kids, of my own but could settle happily for two. So assuming she has 3 of hers and I want 3 that makes 6. The expense of raising 6 children has to be horrendous. My parents raised 5 and while we never went without we were never living on easy street either. So as cold as it may sound because I like my lifestyle (and yes I know it will change somewhat when they finally arrive) and I like having the type of playthings, I have, I have decided 3 is the upper limit. This will allow me to still have the things I want, and provide for the family a better than average lifestyle whereby we are comfortable, can afford things when they are wanted and don't have to struggle to maintain it.

Basically it is a case of having my cake and eating it too. Why would you not want to eat your cake anyway? (That saying always bothered me)

Now some of you may decide I'm a bastard or whatever for thinking this way, but is it really so unreasonable? I don't think so. I have basically pretty much given up on finding a non-solo mother so it's just a case of finding the right woman for me. (God help her!)

I also think the majority of the older guys would be in the same boat and wouldn't be expecting women in the over 50's age group to not have children. It certainly wouldn't be a stopping point if I were you I'd hit him up and see what happens....

Posted by: shadowzone at January 13, 2008 9:09 PM

jen - you have some great lines. keep em coming

Posted by: today122 at January 13, 2008 8:30 PM

This is for all of us girls 40 years and over.... and for those who are
turning 40, and for those who are scared of moving into their 50's...AND
60's....and for guys who are scared of girls over 40!!!!

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask,
"What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit
around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's
usually something more interesting.

A woman over 40 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is,
what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 40
give a hoot what you might think about her or what she's doing.

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you
at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if
you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can
get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what
it's like to be unappreciated. A woman over 40 has the self-assurance to
introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will
often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with
other women. Women over 40 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her
friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a
woman over 40. They always know.

A woman over 40 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true
of younger women. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is
far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you
are a jerk if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder
where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately,
it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman
of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of
himself with some 22-year-old waitress.

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 13, 2008 7:38 PM

and mstingle - it's ok, of course we all love our children. sometimes though we do wonder how our lives would have gone if we'd had them earlier or later or more of them or less or none at all. And that's only natural.

Posted by: today122 at January 13, 2008 5:19 PM

jenjen57 at January 13, 2008 10:42 AM

Ditto why do we need so many bedrooms today, and there are plenty of vehicles today that would get you places. Plus a large number of children they would have lots to do together to keep entertained. I think one is okay two even better sometimes 3 children can be a problem but over three is good again. Once you have 4 children the extras after this does not seem to make much difference.

Posted by: mstingle at January 13, 2008 2:31 PM

slightsynchronicity at January 13, 2008 10:05 AM

I think that if men or women for that matter do not want children and the tick the box as such, great they are not wasting anyones time tha does have children and as you said it is for good reason, it isn't becuase they are selfish it is just plain and simly because children would not fit into there life style because as you mentioned travel etc.

I sometimes envy people who at this time in life have independent children and they can come and go as they please and are able to travel freely. Unfortuanately I did not have a crystal ball to tell me that my 2nd marriage would end leaving me with two small children to raise or I would have opted for travel.

However I do have my little ones who I love dearly and I would not give them up for all the tea in China.

Posted by: mstingle at January 13, 2008 2:25 PM

Hi all. I joined RSVP last night -the first time I have ever done the 'on line thing' and was quite surprised to get a message from anyone. Its all a bit daunting isn't it. Just working through the site and found the blog section and thought I'd post a hi to all.

Posted by: heartsong2 at January 13, 2008 2:16 PM

jenjen57 at January 13, 2008 8:09 AM

Yes it is often interesting at my place, with the children putting it nicely.

Many women of my age their youngest children are not as young as my youngest children. I have thought that this would put some men off especially when they may have already raised a family and have older children, they may not want a women with young children becuase the can not look after themselves like older children can.

However we are all different and there would be some that would love to do family things for what ever reason, maybe they are missing a family life with children.

There would be some that would also love for a woman to not have children becuase they just want to have time alone without having to see to children etc so I wouldn't worry irisgirl at January 13, 2008 7:55 AM

Posted by: mstingle at January 13, 2008 2:14 PM

I wouldnt worry about it too much irisgirl..........I really don't think there will be too many men that will see it as a deterrent that you have no children.........

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 13, 2008 2:05 PM

aliane at January 13, 2008 12:54 AM

And you contribution is very much appreciated. We have no idea what it is really like for someone else we can only guess and unfortuately at times we often guess wrong.

Posted by: mstingle at January 13, 2008 2:03 PM

Just to clarify - my earlier post on the children issue was prompted by discovering in a search through profiles of potentially suitable men in my age group [50-60] that about a quarter of them indicated their preference for a woman with children. [This included one man who I would otherwise have added to my favourites.] From memory, in that question there are four boxes. They had clearly opted to tick the other three, yes, have children etc, but not the one which says "no children". I feel that if it didn't matter to them, they would leave the whole question blank. As I never had children, I'd be reluctant to contact someone where I so clearly didn't meet his criteria, just as I wouldn't contact a man who wanted someone under 50, or where I was way taller than he wanted, whatever. I have come across this before in social situations, where some people are suspicious perhaps of childless women [not comparing myself with Julia Gillard, by the way, she's SO much smarter] but I'm wondering if this is common among men in my age group on this site ...

Posted by: irisgirl at January 13, 2008 1:59 PM

Sorry about that wishful............hope there is not too much of a mess !

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 13, 2008 12:35 PM

my ten cents worth - if having kids is going to mean that we're not able to pay them full attention, then I think they need a mother, not a partner. I know of a man who is jealous of kids, the job, the house, the family and everything else about his "partner", but denies that he's controlling. sad really

Posted by: today122 at January 13, 2008 12:30 PM

I should of learned by now never to read a Jenjen joke when having a cup of tea! Those lines are classics - another cut and paste one.

Iris - welcome to the blogs. I see the occasional profile in my desired age range than want a woman with no children - and I wonder why - but skip on by. I have been told by a few men that the "kids get in the way" and "I wont have your full attention". Kids or no kids, we can't give someone our full attention all the time anyway, so you skip past those ones too. There is someone out there for you.

Tinman, I admire your being a single dad with kids. Yes, the problem of "tranpsort" and "housing" will always crop up but it's not a major issue. In this day and age everyone has cars, so what if you have to take two for the drive, or get a troop carrier, it's a small price to pay for family unity. Kids come and go, it wont always be an issue, we grew up sharing rooms, it's not unheard of. Where I work many families have 6-8 children and they manage to get places so it can be done.

I don't see a single father as a "problem", nor do I see myself as a substitute mother to his children. It'd be nice to be their friend, if that is possible, someone to help you guide them along at times or give a female perspective.

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 13, 2008 12:22 PM

oops - sorry sorry Jen!
no - but seriously I do agree with what you said. things should just fall into place if it's the one for you/me/us.

and love that joke!

Posted by: today122 at January 13, 2008 12:22 PM

Seems as though male and female friendship works in different ways

Friendship Between Women:

A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that
she had slept over at a girlfriend's house. The man called his wife's 10
best friends. None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship Between Men:

A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had
slept over at a mate's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best
friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed
that he was still there.

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 13, 2008 12:08 PM

Big believer in fairy tales coming true........dont burst the bubble........its all I have left to cling to...........

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 13, 2008 12:05 PM

and yes Jen - totally agree. if the person is the one the rest doesn't matter and will easily be sorted. At least that's what the fairy tales tell us??

Posted by: today122 at January 13, 2008 12:00 PM

jen - they are classics! hilarious!!!

Posted by: today122 at January 13, 2008 11:58 AM

These are entries to a Washington Post competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line but the least romantic second line

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.

I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell".

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime

Hehehe !!

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 13, 2008 11:55 AM

tinman - I am a big believer in fate, and I honestly believe that when each of us finds our "special one" that all these things we are worrying about will just fall into place.
That we will be driven to be together and unable to stay away from that other person, for any reason, and that the too many kids, the too small house, the not enough seats in the car thing, will be completely and totally the last things on our minds.
And if any woman is scared off by your kids she aint the one for you !

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 13, 2008 11:07 AM

Jenjen: In a way I do agree with you the 8 seater 4x4 was a good investment 2 yrs ago. But what about wemon with kids do they see me the same as my thoughts? Do they think I want a partner to care for my kids this might be scarey for them aswell ?
Maybe its that fear factor of what if ??

slightsynchronicity:Teenagers are no problems as they tend to do there own thing, Interaction is also no probs on my side as the chances they will meet are very slim she lives in West Aus.
The idea of seperate home for awhile is great it would fix everything and then in the end when kids move out we would even have an investment. But im my experience I am yet to meet or even chat to anyone that see your great idea as we do

Posted by: thetinman68 at January 13, 2008 11:01 AM

thetinman68: good points and how do men feel about teenagers and young adult children who are not around much and are mostly independent? Or not living at home. Teenagers keep to themselves more and can be moody/noisy and move in and out of home. A few bloggers mention maintaining seperate homes which could work for some couples. yes short term is different for most and yes a total of 4 children is quite a lot.
If I meet a man with no children, my 3 could seem overwhelming..16, 18 (and 19 yrs and 19 yr old has boyfriend included and live elsewhere now) Depends on the couple but RSVP members do need to consider these things. Yes I also am not looking for short term and maybe even interaction with an ex, through the children at concerts, graduations needs considering..

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 13, 2008 10:44 AM

Oh tinman - you really shouldnt worry about those material/practical things, they have a way of working themselves out :) But a Tarago, or a Landcruiser ! And in the good old days kids shared bedrooms !
And good on you, being a fulltime parent brings so many rewards.I am sure there are a lot of other men would love to be in your shoes.

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 13, 2008 10:42 AM

I presonaly dont mind kids but as mine live with me full time I do look down the track and think what if i met someone with lets say 3 kids ? I have 2 so that makes 5 plus the 2 parents thats 7 all up. How do we get places? buy a bus ?? What about the future ? If all goes well build a 6 bedroom house ? I know my situation is slightly different from other men but it is something we think of. If I was looking for a short term partner then I guess it wouldnt matter at all. but since I am looking for longterm I would say 2 each would be enough to cope with.

Posted by: thetinman68 at January 13, 2008 10:33 AM

Ironically, I have a couple of male friends who complain constantly about meeting women who have children living at home and how this detrimentally affects and inhibits their relationship! Thoughts please ...

Posted by: irisgirl at January 13, 2008 7:55 AM

Good morning and welcome to the blog! Well the man in his 40s or other age group, who complains about women having children living at home...already has his own kids and sees them or does not see them, or has no children. Either way it seems a selfish attitude. In my age group (44) lots (most??? I do not know the statistics) of men and women have children and teenagers. I would not rule out a man without kids (it would depend on the man) or a man with kids, full or part-time. Putting kids into the "mix" makes a relationship less simple I suppose. I heard on the radio that 10,000 marriages are in the process of breaking up now, due partly to the festive season, so imagine the outfall from that. Once I met a guy somewhere I worked, not long after I became single again. A guy flirted with me and seemed very interested until I mentioned I had 3 kids and then he said!!!!!! "Three kids is too many." Not sure what I said exactly in response but he sure lost interest, due to the number of kids. People approach profile writing differently and if people you are in contact with are honest, then its in their profile. Some things are not obvious until some time has passed with a prospective partner. It is sure not easy. Also what if two online daters are both undecided on future children...discussions need to be had to clarify the hopes and dreams of both.

does a guy ticking the "no children" in the partner requirments box put off women, or get lots of kisses..(whether he has kids or not)
A mistake in online "dating" would be to not be honest about the whole wanting children or the desired situation of the ideal partner. We are not commodities so the forms do not really give us that much idea if we do not know the motivations behind profile details. Letting a man into your life generally means he will interact with the children so it is not something to be taken lightly no matter who has or has not got the kids. Can only speak from my own experience! If you are open about the fact that you are not requiring a man to not have children, well that is one less barrier for you. As for the man, you would have to see how he was as a person. I prefer profiles that do not have negative statements. I do have friends who chose not to have children so they could travel a lot and have a different lifestyle to couples with children. They are happy within themselves but have to justify themselves to others. Sure is something to not take lightly, good point : )

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 13, 2008 10:05 AM

Thanks again for your comments. No, I don't care if my elusive "he" has children or not - a person's reality is whatever it is - hence I leave those boxes blank, implying no preference. That's what I mean - many men choose not to leave it blank, but actually express their preference by ticking certain boxes ... anyway, I won't labour the point. And yes, it'll be interesting [maybe] to get feedback from some men on here.

Posted by: irisgirl at January 13, 2008 9:22 AM

welcome irisgirl.
And I agree with jenjen - I think there's only so many boxes that you can tick. Have you looked at the profiles that tick every single possibility?? I think that by this age - yep I'm right there with you on that score - it is assumed that people will have children. So that box will be ticked, because to tick "no children" could come across as being mean and self-centred.
Do you have any preferences one way or the other for men to have children or otherwise? or is it irrelevant? I doubt if that box is going to make much difference, but of course I may be wrong.
What do guys think about this?

Posted by: today122 at January 13, 2008 8:56 AM

irisgirl - I am sure they have deliberately not checked that box as they dont want to look "unfriendly". I think most of us in our 50s (OMG) accept that a prospective partner will have children (and maybe even grandchildren).
Maybe you are just being a tiny bit sensitive...........I cant believe it will be a biggy with the blokes.

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 13, 2008 8:36 AM

Thanks, jenjen. Maybe I didn't express myself very well - what I mean is that I have come across a few profiles of men who do clearly stipulate that they don't want to meet a woman with "no children". They've clearly ticked the other boxes but not that one. Maybe I'm too sensitive about the issue ... It'll be interesting to see what the men say. In fact, one I recall is an occasional blogger ...

Posted by: irisgirl at January 13, 2008 8:22 AM

Good morning Irisgirl. Welcome to blogland.......
With regards to the having children issue, I think for most men they dont select the "no children" option in their ideal partner as they dont want to look like men that dont like children (thats not very "nice"), or it doesnt occur to them that there would be many women in their mid 50s who have never had children, but I dont see it as a negative (or a positive either - it just is how it is.) And I think the complaint of your male friends is probably a common one as there will be quite a few women in their 40s and 50s who still have children (adult or young adult) still living at home (as I do) and I wouldnt say it inhibits a relationship necessarily but the men I meet have to be prepared for a bit (ok a lot) of happily dysfunctional chaos at my place !!

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 13, 2008 8:09 AM

Good morning everyone! Have been reading the blogs for months but too shy to post any comments until now. At last have plucked up some courage. At the moment have my profile hidden, for various reasons, but plan to get active again soon. I'm curious to hear other people's thoughts on the "having children" issue, especially from the middle aged male's point of view. I'm in my mid 50s, and never had any children, for various reasons - wrong time, wrong man, etc etc. Now I'm finding that men in my age bracket have a tendency to put in their preferences that they want to meet a woman with children, not living at home/living at home, whatever those options are. In other words, they make it clear they don't want to meet a women with "no children". Ironically, I have a couple of male friends who complain constantly about meeting women who have children living at home and how this detrimentally affects and inhibits their relationship! Thoughts please ...

And how about a blog on the "tyranny of distance" RSVP? I don't live in Sydney or Melbourne, or other capital, but on the far north coast of New South Wales. I think it is different in rural/regional areas, one thing being the lesser number of people, the need to travel greater distances to meet those fewer people, the greater chance of being recognised on the site [especially if you work in retail or hospitality etc]. Any comments?

Posted by: irisgirl at January 13, 2008 7:55 AM

mstingle - excellent post. And Aliane, yes - impossible to make any sort of comparison, but also I wouldn't expect the men on here to be able to compare either. It's too difficult a subject. And so much of what you've been saying today has made so much sense. And it really is just about what each person wants, and how they get it. Don't know about the person who had 10 filipino wives though. Why would he bother?

Posted by: today122 at January 13, 2008 1:03 AM

misstingle for PM

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 13, 2008 12:46 AM

eyes are playing tricks on me, goodnight all!

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 13, 2008 12:45 AM

troubling...I meant, sorry I can not spell sometimes :))

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 13, 2008 12:44 AM

nice touching posts from NF, abckenny, jenjen and troubling post by fluffy. Aliane, thanks for your insights once again!

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 13, 2008 12:43 AM

jenjen57 at January 12, 2008 12:15 PM

Okay jenjen when I become female Priminister you can become my advisor.

Posted by: mstingle at January 13, 2008 12:29 AM

jenjen57 at January 12, 2008 10:57 AM

Nice! In the best way:)

Posted by: mstingle at January 13, 2008 12:22 AM

If you want a woman to stick around, babble on about “relationships”

If you want a woman to disappear fast, come straight out and ask her if she is into sex.

Works every time.

Posted by: neuroticfish at January 11, 2008 8:39 PM

So women do not ever want a relationship and sex? My ex had a lower libido than me or maybe it was just that he had his eye elsewhere. I was up for it much more than him, most of the time. I am so not comfortable with writing this subject matter, sorry. No I do not see how you can just put all women in the two categories. I would like a relationship and lovemaking (women prefer to call it that) not just sex. Whatever. Surely lots of women would be into sex, with the right guy. Oh and in a "relationship", someone dies first or leaves..nothing is permanent. doesn't everyone know that guys are more into sex (generally) and women into the feelings and being loving(no idea-but I read that) Surely there is variation among the male of the species? IMHO

Maybe Kym and Monty could still get together as they are such good friends. They were trying to find love online but maybe online is good for being friends first. ha ha ha and guys love that I know. Darn chemistry, hey! We all had that chemistry discussion before.

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 13, 2008 12:19 AM

jenjen57 at January 12, 2008 9:51 AM

Exactly, compensation!

Posted by: mstingle at January 13, 2008 12:18 AM

Posted by: aliane at January 12, 2008 9:43 AM

Thank you for your contribution to this issue.

We have to be careful when stereo typing people.

I am getting tired so I will not give as long as this topic warrants.

No matter what race you are you either are an intelligent person with an underatnding of all humanity or you are not. i suppose and varying shades in between.

No not all white women hate Asians and in reverse. however woven in what NF resounds some truths about some.

aliane kindy gave us some feed back from a perspective that only a non white woman can give. Culturally we can learn alot from non-Australian/whites.

In Asia there are alot of sex trading going on and there are involved or not involved in this women who are living in circimstances that are intorable. They want out simple, some choose to marry and come to Australia, if you were in their situation wouldn't you!

Now there are males who do not know hoe to hold a relationship together and expect the most impossible from Australian women. When there mariage fails they do not look to see how they contributed to the failiure of the marriage or try to make amends the marriage ends and some Australian women have been discarde because they did not live up to unrealistic expectations.

Now these type of men go over to Asia to buy themselves a bride in the expectancy that Asian women are submissive and will do what they could not get thier Australian women to do.

I really only think that in this situation an Australian woman involved in this situation would have any grievances against an Asian woman because she may feel that she has been traded in becuase the husband is saying that she is not up to stratch as the new Asian bride he expects to be.

However even in this situation not all will feel this way in fact they amy feel relieved that they are no long in such an oppressive relationship and may in fact feel sorry for the new wife.

The only other women or men for that matter that would probaly have a dislike to all Asians would be those who are racist.

Now fortuantely for some Asian women who find themselves in this position when they come to this country, many will leave these aweful men and continue to live in Australia.

Now on the positive remember different strokes different folks. Some blended couple have become that way because they met via work or what ever and they fell in love the old fashioned way, got to know and like each other and have made a truely blissful union may they have many friends and supporters along the way.

So when you see a blended couple never assume because we all know what that can do.

Posted by: mstingle at January 13, 2008 12:09 AM

fluffy12 at January 12, 2008 5:12 AM

It can be quite uncomfortable for people to hear someone talk about someone else and what they have done, in regard to what is happening in a private matter, as my mother always use to say do not hang your dirty washing out in public.

However you want advice about a relationship issue and you were very much a gentleman and did not reveal the ladies name. We are all here for the same reason, to connect and to find a significant other in our lives and to find some comradeiship (spelling) whether we realise it or not. Thank you for sharing because we all learn from one anothers minuses and pluses.

Now before I comment on your delema (spelling, especially after NF's post previously, well I will balm him anyway, I am still a little teary, believe me:)

I have to say to the female if she is reading this post. I am sorry if you feel uncomfortable about this person talking about an issue that could be quite upsetting for you, to hear him discuss. Now if you have read his post and have not responded as yet, do not unless you have to or want to. I say this because no names were used to identify the female that he was talking about and if you are feeling bad about what he has said whether it is true of not, you may feel bad after exposing your self.

Now Fluffy you contacted someone you did not like their response! That is easy don't contact her again. It is not your problem if she has issues with other females from another race, move on.

Posted by: mstingle at January 12, 2008 11:17 PM

Jenjen...I'm thinking that the good King must of missed a few copies and they are still floating around now!

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 12, 2008 10:41 PM

Bit of trivia for you........definitely a BIG MISTAKE hehe.......

One of the most exciting versions of the Bible was printed in 1631. The publishers were Robert Barker and Martin Lucas, the King's printers in London.

Their edition included several mistakes, but one was inspired - the word 'not' was omitted from the Seventh Commandment. It enjoined its readers, on the highest authority, to commit adultery.

Fearing the popularity with which this might be received in remote country districts, King Charles I called all 1,000 copies back in and fined the printers £3,000.

(slinkycity.com)

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 12, 2008 10:27 PM

neuroticfish at January 12, 2008 3:06 AM

Well you definately know how to bring a tear to a persons eye and a lump to their throat.

That was on hell of a story, I am deeply touched.

Thank you NF

Posted by: mstingle at January 12, 2008 10:12 PM

aliane - and ain't that the truth!! good on you

Posted by: today122 at January 12, 2008 9:07 PM

He took a look at his wife one day and said,

"Honey, 36 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, no car, no TV, no money and slept on a sofa bed, but I got to sleep every night with a hot good looking 18 year old. Now, we have a beautiful house, two nice cars, king size bed, money and a 50" screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 54 year old woman...

.....It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."

His wife was a very reasonable woman.

She told him to go out and find a hot 18 year old beautiful girl, and she
would make sure that he would once again be living in a cheap apartment,
with no car, no money, and sleeping on a sofa bed.

Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life
crisis.

(Thanks Katrina, hehe..........)

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 12, 2008 9:03 PM

So not what we are looking for.........

Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess, "I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom, and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so."

That night, while the princess dined on frogs legs, she laughed to herself and thought "I don't f***ing think so."

(Thanks BB..........)

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 12, 2008 8:41 PM

Aliane. That was years ago. She was an ice cool Spanish senorita type. I was out of my league from the start. Now I am left with healthy bodied super fit robust ruddy cheeked Australians telling me to get on my bike, or enquiring how my fiddling is going (oh yee of little faith, I pay my taxes! Yoke mavis, better than u ka lei me or was that ukelele)

Posted by: neuroticfish at January 12, 2008 5:57 PM

jen - love the line
Men would sit around and wonder what WE are thinking.
I was with a guy not so long ago who used to ask what I was thinking - something he had learned thinking it gave him a leg up :) in getting to the insides of women - showing his feminine side. funny funny!! it was very flattering, sadly I fell for it! ha - come in spinner

Posted by: today122 at January 12, 2008 12:23 PM

If women ruled the world ...

Women with cold hands would give men prostate exams.

PMS would be a legitimate defense in court.

Men would get reputations for sleeping around.

Singles bars would have metal detectors to weed out men hiding wedding rings in their pockets.

A man would no longer be considered a "good catch" simply because he is breathing.

Fewer women would be dieting because their ideal weight standard would increase by 40 pounds.

Shopping would be considered an aerobic activity

Men would learn phrases like: "I'm sorry", "I love you", "You're beautiful", "Of course you don't look fat in that outfit".

Men would be judged entirely by their looks, women by their accomplishments

Men would sit around and wonder what WE are thinking.

Men would pay as much attention to their woman as to their car.

All toilet seats would be nailed down.

Men would work on relationships as much as they work on their careers.

TV news segments on sports would never run longer than 1 minute.

All men would be forced to spend one month in a PMS simulator

During mid-life crisis, men would get hot-flashes and women would date 19 year olds

Overweight men would have their weight brought to their attention constantly.

For basic training, soldiers would have to take care of a two-year old for six weeks.

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 12, 2008 12:15 PM

I love it when we get all philosophical Jenjen ! Here's some of my favourites:

Nothing hurts you more than your expectations. "If you trust life and learn to embrace it and try not to control everything, then life can be more wondrous than you thought it would be."

Our relationships with others are only as emotionally healthy, happy, holy and content as our relationships with ourselves.

The only wound your soul never recovers from is regret. "What I know for sure is that we don't have the luxury of regret any more. The past only asks to be remembered."

Posted by: graceandcharm at January 12, 2008 11:05 AM

Do not undermine your worth by
comparing yourself with others.
It is because we are different
that each of us is special.
Do not set your goals by what other people deem important.
Only you know what is best for you.

Do not let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past nor for the future.
By living your life one day at a time, you live all the days of your life.

Do not give up when you still have something to give.
Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
It is a fragile thread that binds us to each other.

Do not be afraid to encounter risks.
It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.

Do not shut love out of your life by saying it is impossible to find.
The quickest way to receive love is to give love;
The fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly;
In addition, the best way to keep love is to give it wings.

Do not dismiss your dreams.
To be without dreams is to be without hope; To be without hope is to be without purpose.
Do not run through life so fast that you forget
not only where you have been, but also where you are going.

Life is not a race, but a journey
to be savoured each step of the way.

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 12, 2008 10:57 AM

wishful - maybe its like NF says and when they ran away it was just a case of NEXT because that was preferable to being on his own. He probably had already figured out he was just being used, and as long as he was getting whatever he wanted from the relationship (short term cuddles and sex?) he was happy :)
Serial spouses ?
Whatever works I guess !!

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 12, 2008 10:41 AM

I'm thinking if they ran away Jen...that should tell him SOMETHING...no? Can people be serial spouses?

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 12, 2008 10:38 AM

wishful - if his wives kept running away I guess he didnt have any other choice :)

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 12, 2008 10:35 AM

NF - "he just shrugged his shoulders, went over and got another", sounds like he was buying supplies rather than being interested in a real relationship. No wonder there is such a lot of bad publicity. 10th wife??? Does he not learn? Why bother marrying if they are going to run off - save money on divorce because he'd obviously have to do that in order to fetch the next chattel!

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 12, 2008 10:29 AM

Aliane,

This particular girl was a personal friend of another Filipina professional already in Australia. But she was a cut above my social level. Yes, Australia. You are NOT top of the social pile in the eyes of some countries. More Shane Warne Australian cricket team monkey business Dame Edna Bazza MacKenzie Crocodile Dundee cultural ambassadors to the yahoo countries of the world.

A lot of Australian men do resort to Filipina internet dating. You have to marry them to get them into the country. Some know the traps. I personally know of one 70 yo who was, when last heard of, up to his 10th Filipina wife. He was used to them running off; he just shrugged his shoulders, went over and got another, had a few months of fun, and a big grin on his face.

Posted by: neuroticfish at January 12, 2008 10:16 AM

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.
You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time.
You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.
You'll fight with your best friend.
You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.
You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love.
So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back. Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 12, 2008 9:52 AM

aliane - and havent we all seen that scenario over and over.
Years ago we bought a business from an older (70) Australian male, he had a young asian (Phillipina) wife, and as soon as she had a young child with him, she left.
She used him to get Australian citizenship, and his life savings. Waited to leave until he had sold his business and was all cashed up.

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 12, 2008 9:51 AM

Aliane. I once tried to get this beautiful 30 something professional Filipina over here for a holiday. Her family were elite, top of the social pile (there is a very strong class system in the Phillipines, more so than in Australia). The Immigration Department, mostly stacked by white women these days, refused her a visa because she was “at risk of doing a runner.” What a joke. They degrade and demean all Asian women that way. Even those at the top of their professions. She had a well paying professional practice to return to. She next tried to get a visa for an International Conference in her field in Sydney. Again refused.

Posted by: neuroticfish at January 12, 2008 9:14 AM

NF.......white women hate asian women ??
You just wrote that little sweeping generalisation to see if we actually read what you write, or were awake, didnt you .
Your ex girlfriend sounds like a nasty little piece of work who has no respect for white men.

fluffy........lucky you didnt get any more involved with that fruit loop.

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 12, 2008 8:54 AM

fluffy - this is just a rude ignorant person, regardless of where she's from or what she's doing. And it's not criticism of your previous girlfriend or you or anything, because she doesn't know you. Some people from "minority backgrounds" are far more racist, and that's where the competition comes in. She's obviously hit a big nerve with you. She just sounds like someone you'd rather avoid. So why bother?
And jaspercat - hate to think that I'm defending mr fish but he's just having a go. The diatribe he got is so amazing it's funny.

Posted by: today122 at January 12, 2008 8:37 AM

Fish - what planet are you on??? I am sorry but white women (as you call us) do NOT HATE Asian women? Where did you get that from? Some of my best mates are Asian - Chinese Malasian and I take offence to your last comment!!! Talk about who is judgemental now.

Posted by: jaspercat at January 12, 2008 7:24 AM

Fluffy. White women hate Asian women. The competition is too stiff. White women can’t cope. Yours was just a variant on the same theme. Asian women from one country do NOT like Asian women from certain other countries. Take my word for it. They’ll tell you in no uncertain terms. I deleted some very offensive stuff from an email from my last and now former girlfriend as I thought it would not pass muster on rsvp. So expect the broom on this. She concluded her diatribe with-

“Perhaps you should write a new profile saying (see my previous post)(she then continued on…)

I especially like the asian prostitutes as they treat me like a baby, stroke my cheek and call me darling, and make me feel special like my mama used to!... Of course I had to pay them to do it, but in my mind their attention seems real, which is why I love nothing better than to go on "sex tours" in asian countries! So basicaly I am a juvienile self centred ex-professional lying ……. mummy's boy...., who now is too lazy to work and is really just looking for a "NURSE AND A PURSE"..who will give out sex freely..(and dressing up as a nurse while doing it would suit me even better!!LOL!!".)....and being asian even better, as they know the white men who visit them are all really drivelly mouthed mummys boys..(borderline gays) who like to be stroked like pets and treated like mamas little boy!LOL!)
So I think that if you "cut and Paste" the profile that i just wrote for you, and post it opn R.S.V.P. it would be more accurate than the false one I responded to that you wrote, and wasted a stamp on”

Posted by: neuroticfish at January 12, 2008 7:05 AM

Dear Fluffy
Yes totally offensive and I hope you gave her a piece of your mind. RSVP is the best site to find someone however there are some real "different" people out there and when you are in cyberspace you have to expect that. I hope you find your someone special as you certainly sound like a nice guy so good luck and dont let it get you down as there is someone out there.

Posted by: jaspercat at January 12, 2008 6:59 AM

Hi All,

Have been doing the online dating thing for a couple of months now, and have tried a few different sites. Rsvp seems to be the only one with real people that are looking for something similar to me (a genuine long term relationship).

Have read a few of the blogs as well as all the advice articles, and think I am doing OK. Have only met one lady in person and had three dates with her before she vanished into some sort of black hole. I mean totally vanished......on the third date she even brought the kids to meet me, but from the day after?????? The phone does not even ring anymore. OK wrote that one off to experience and put my profile back up to start again. Got an "I'm interested" kiss reply from one lady, so I sent her an email. She replied, and from the name and email adddress, I guessed that she was from a non Australian background. I sent her another email asking about her ethnic back ground (I was thinking Asian) I also told her not to worry because I have no preconceived ideas about race, and that my last GF was Indonesian and I had lived in Asia for 12 months.

Here is the reply that i received.....

Hi XXXX,

I did not know you have not seen my photo. Did you not ask for my pass when you sent the kiss to me? The password to my photo is XXXXXXXXXXX I am Australian-Chinese. I am an Australian citizen.
I hate indonesian women. They are nothing but cheap and shameless sluts. They sleep with any white man for merely a couple of dollars per night. That is how low they are. The lowest grade of human beings.
Regards,

XXXXXXX

Now, my question to fellow bloggers is, does anyone else find this offensive?? I mean, on the second email that she sent to me, she is basically slagging off my last GF?? And after I had told her that I was not concerned with race, she comes off as a total racist (even though she comes from a minority background)??

Some insight from others would be appreciated.

Posted by: fluffy12 at January 12, 2008 5:12 AM

I briefly drove a cab for a living to try and pay off this massive mortgage over the house I am buying.

One evening I had a call. When I arrived at 2:30 a.m. , the building was dark except for a single light in a ground floor window.

Under these circumstances, many drivers would just honk once or twice, wait a minute, and then drive away.

But I had seen too many impoverished people who depended on taxis as their only means of transportation. Unless a situation smelled of danger, I always went to the door.

This passenger might be someone who needs my assistance, I reasoned to myself.

So I walked to the door and knocked. "Just a minute", answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.

After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 80's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940s movie.

By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The unit looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.

There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters.

In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

"Would you carry my bag out to the car?" she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman.

She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb.

She kept thanking me for my kindness. "It's nothing", I told her. "I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated".

"Oh, you're such a good boy", she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address, and then asked, "Could you drive through downtown?"

"It's not the shortest way," I answered quickly.

"Oh, I don't mind," she said. "I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a nursing home".

I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. "I don't have any family left," she continued. "The doctor says I don't have very long."

I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.

"What route would you like me to take?" I asked.

For the next two hours, we drove through the city.

She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.

We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds.

She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.

Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, "I'm tired. Let's go now"

We drove in silence to the address she had given me.It was a low building, a small nursing home and aged care facility, with a driveway that passed under a portico.

Two nurses came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her.

I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.

"How much do I owe you?" she asked, reaching into her purse.

"Nothing," I said

"You have to make a living," she answered. "There are other passengers," I responded.

Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.

"You gave an old woman a little moment of joy," she said.

"Thank you."

I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light.

Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life

I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift.

I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk.

What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift?

What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?

On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life.

We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments.

But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT 'YOU DID, OR WHAT YOU SAID, BUT THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL.

And ABC Kenny I can tell a bigger sob story than you

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!

Posted by: neuroticfish at January 12, 2008 3:06 AM

How To Dance In The Rain

It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly gentleman in his 80's, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am.

I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him.
I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound.

On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.

While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.

I inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease. As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.

I was surprised, and asked him, 'And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?'

He smiled as he patted my hand and said, 'She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is.'

I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, 'That is the kind of love I want in my life.'

True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be

Posted by: abckenny at January 12, 2008 1:53 AM

dolphin46, even my 19 year old son has figured that one out too !
Doesnt take them long does it !!

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 11, 2008 10:02 PM

Junebaby, how did your son become so wise at such a young age. Me thinks he will never need RSVP :)

Posted by: dolphin46 at January 11, 2008 9:49 PM

hate to say it, but yu have it in a nutshell neuroticfish...at a very basic level....you know what my 22 year old son said...you know mum you women are easy to understand, and i know exactly how to get a woman, and it works every time...just listen, repeat some of the stuff back like your intertested, tell them they look good and make them laugh!!!!
God... he thinks he knows it all at 22!!!! jewels.

Posted by: junebaby57 at January 11, 2008 9:41 PM

True

Posted by: woodnwine at January 11, 2008 8:42 PM

There is absolutely no need for any form of rudeness, subterfuge or gameplaying on this site.

There are 2 basic sure fire response mechanisms.

If you want a woman to stick around, babble on about “relationships”

If you want a woman to disappear fast, come straight out and ask her if she is into sex.

Works every time.

Posted by: neuroticfish at January 11, 2008 8:39 PM

However, I would like to ask, what is it with people when you have exchanged a couple of emails, then offer your landline phone number for them to call (so that they can maintain their anonymity a while longer) and they disappear never to respond again? Is it just too scarey?

Posted by: greattimestocome at January 10, 2008 10:03 PM

Yes greattimestocome, when someone does get your landline number as well as mobile,then quicky disappear, particularly when we may have spent the stamp, we are left wondering what actually happened...

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 11, 2008 8:22 PM

hi heloise. just had a peek at your profile - sorry, and you're in Brisbane too. We're arranging a little bloggers meet in another week, and would be good to have you join us if you're interested. Please contact jenjen57, if you'd like to come along.
cheers

Posted by: today122 at January 11, 2008 8:13 PM

Thanks. I had totally forgotten about Kharma. You're right, we should all remain thick skinned and I believe it's probably a mistake to take it all too seriously. I think it is really just a game.

Posted by: heloise2 at January 11, 2008 6:14 PM

Hi heloise, we are all sick of that little pearler. Many have made suggestions re kiss responses but no body works in the kiss response department so its seemingly on "hold" Stay strong and thick skinned, its a requirement to retain your sanity while a member. Either that or develop a wicked sense of humour, and remember kharma...what goes around,comes around. :)

Posted by: dolphin46 at January 11, 2008 5:57 PM

Nice "response" Heloise2..but if we can't even get one to say "Are you serious????", we have no chance of that beauty.

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 11, 2008 5:56 PM

I know this is off topic, but I think it needs to be said. Is anyone else sick of getting the response to a kiss that says that the person is seeing someone, but then they inexplicably fail to remove their profile from RSVP. Let's face it, we all know what they really mean. If RSVP want to introduce new responses I have a suggestion for an alternative - "I'm egotistical enough to believe that I look ten years younger than I am and that I'm drop dead gorgeous and you just don't cut it". Brutal, but at least it would be honest.

Posted by: heloise2 at January 11, 2008 5:48 PM

WnW

Watch the video again.

They remain friends because they co-authored a book for 6 months.

However there are French subtitles.

Read: Kim says “Monty you are a lovely bloke and great on TV but you only have half your hair and I don’t feel any chemmy for you.”

Monty says to himself: “Gawd I’d go to bed with her (as I probably would with any female with 2 arms and 2 legs) but she doesn’t feel any chemmy for me. Better rescue my self esteem here.”

So out it comes:

Monty, hypnotically induced, now is on auto cue “WE (note) didn’t feel any chemistry for each other.”

You see it so often in matrimonial breakdowns: “WE just weren’t getting on (read: it was really ALL his or her fault, but by transposition it is now WE)

Posted by: neuroticfish at January 11, 2008 4:26 PM

I also looked at the video NF and thought it was interesting that those two seem to have remained fairly close friends.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 11, 2008 4:00 PM

: neuroticfish at January 11, 2008 12:40 PM

Thanks NF didn't get a visual but it was good to listen to.

Posted by: mstingle at January 11, 2008 1:20 PM

Good interview NF.Apparently this couple overlooked the importance of sexual attraction.

Posted by: graceandcharm at January 11, 2008 1:18 PM

neuroticfish

Thank you for the link..............interesting interview, tempted to get the book now.

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 11, 2008 1:07 PM

Whilst everyone else wanders around off topic (as usual) could I just mention the web site:

http://www.slappedbyanangel.com.au

which contains a Today Show interview with Monty Dwyer and Kim Crosbie.

Very revealing.

I thought Monty was a real character.

Posted by: neuroticfish at January 11, 2008 12:40 PM

graceandcharm at January 11, 2008 10:11 AM

Yes I have had more responses since joining the blog.

Posted by: mstingle at January 11, 2008 10:25 AM

jenjen57 at January 11, 2008 10:01 AM

Yes this may be the way to go.

Posted by: mstingle at January 11, 2008 10:23 AM

graceandcharm at January 11, 2008 9:50 AM

I listened to the pod cast after I posted and it appears that they said the same thing, that you should not build up a relationship too long before meeting.

Also you advice is very good, need to know who you are so as not to take the negatives to heart while dating with people on-line and to remember that there are some good ones out their, I will have to remember this, I can be a little sensitive. It is also inportant to remember not to get upset by anyone that you meet as a posible date because you are waiting for the one that will think that you are adorable any way and you them.

Posted by: mstingle at January 11, 2008 10:22 AM

graceandcharm

Yes too soon and it is all a bit cold, and the other person really is a total stranger.
And I have found blogging has been a very good way for me, after the end of a very long relationship, to get over a lot of my shyness and social anxieties.

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 11, 2008 10:19 AM

Spellcheck..disregard my first "if" please !

Posted by: graceandcharm at January 11, 2008 10:14 AM

: jenjen57 at January 11, 2008 1:11 AM

lol, the letter from the boy sounds like one of my relatives.

Posted by: mstingle at January 11, 2008 10:13 AM

Yes,Jenjen, I feel if you can actually meet TOO soon.If you haven't exchanged a few emails,phonecalls,chats,etc,you really are meeting up with a stranger you have no bond with at all,all a bit cold really.I did that once,hated it.

Yep, and this blogging IS fun and also a good way to meet people !!

Posted by: graceandcharm at January 11, 2008 10:11 AM

graceandcharm

Agree you need to meet in the flesh before too long, but it is also nice to have a couple of emails to see if there is any real interest, then maybe a couple of chat sessions, to establish if you have some common interests and are able to communicate, then meet them......all within a week or two perhaps. Then after you have met them, and they express an interest in seeing you again , it would be nice if they rang/emailed and organised a second meeting not too long after the first.
And yes it is a fun way to meet some interesting people, but so is blogging !

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 11, 2008 10:01 AM

jenjen, wishful, mstingle, jovial and today, all really valid points, and i agree, meet in the flesh, in a short timeframe to avoid spending heaps of time building a person up in your mind, that may be nothing like the person that you actually meet. Upon meeting...you may not have the chemistry, which is vital for it to go any further.
Posted by: junebaby57 at January 11, 2008 7:37 AM
This has been my experience as well on the whole.You build up a picture of someone only to find they are very different in real life when you get around to meeting them.In the meantime you've got to try and keep your emotions and heart at bay.Until you meet that person they are still virtually a stranger to you,and it pays to keep this in mind.Always meet sooner rather than later if you can.
One thing I have found is that internet dating certainly toughens you up.You really can't take alot of it personally or to heart.Know and like who you are,know what you want,enjoy your life, and you should be ok.
This is not to say that net dating can't be successful as I have "clicked" with a few men I have met.
If nothing else it is a fun way to meet some interesting people,even if they are not the love of your life.

Posted by: graceandcharm at January 11, 2008 9:50 AM

The long post from "Online dating Expert" is now missing. I hope you read that interesting ideas.
Posted by: northern9 at January 11, 2008 5:28 AM

No its not missing, its over on the profile blog !!

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 11, 2008 9:35 AM

jenjen, boy meets girl is a classic. Now what a wonderful wedding it would be.

Appropriate music may include Abba's Money, Money, Money. They should avoid exchanging rings, perhaps their Visa cards would be the go.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 11, 2008 9:24 AM

jenjen, wishful, mstingle, jovial and today, all really valid points, and i agree, meet in the flesh, in a short timeframe to avoid spending heaps of time building a person up in your mind, that may be nothing like the person that you actually meet. Upon meeting...you may not have the chemistry, which is vital for it to go any further.
Also looks are not everything, I am also trying to tell my boys the same thing, but they are important as they give you that initial attraction. But personality is also vital, don't know if they get that yet as they are only 22 and 18!!!
jenjen excellent humour !!!

have a lovely day all...jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at January 11, 2008 7:37 AM

jenjen57. If you not considered writing as either a career, or sideline you really should, as you have a gift !
The long post from "Online dating Expert" is now missing. I hope you read that interesting ideas. If you did,then which camp would your reply--the girl letter fall into?

Posted by: northern9 at January 11, 2008 5:28 AM

Ah jenjen, another great joke.

I do believe you can get a good feel for a person from phone conversations. However, if you chat too often on the phone and really "click", this can often lead to disappointment upon meeting. The reason for this is due to the physical component not being there as part of the mix. We all know that internet dating is back to front with regards to the old fashioned way of dating, whereby you were attracted to them physically to begin with, and your interactions/interests/values etc were a secondary thing.

How many times have you really hit it off on the phone, but when you finally meet and interact on the face-to-face level, it all goes to pack?

Moral of the story: Don't waste too much time with the preliminaries, and don't get your hopes up too much before you meet.

Posted by: jovial67 at January 11, 2008 2:25 AM

Modern Love Letter

Dearest Girl:
I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you since Tuesday, the 22nd of December 2007. With reference to the meeting held between us on the 19 th of December 2007 at 1500 hours, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on-the-relationship training and relationship appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.

The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broad-minded enough, to be taken care of, on your expense account. I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Thanking you in anticipation.
Yours Sincerely,
[Boy]

Reply

Dear Boy:
Please refer to your letter dated today. I am pleased to inform you that I hope to accept your proposal for romance. However, you should be informed that there are certain conditions of acceptance. Promotional prospects are to my satisfaction. However, please enlighten me as to your retirement benefits. Gratuity should be generous. I also need to be assured that there is sufficient security with regards to this commitment. If there is any chance at all of retrenchment or consequent disinterest on your part, then I should receive monetary compensation according to union standards. Due to the nature of my position, I am sure you will agree that an expense account should be arranged for my access in light of the 'VIP'. In addition, housing and transport allowances should be in order and nothing less than a Jag is in order. Please also note that there should be no moonlighting restrictions placed on myself. If you are still interested in the relationship, please reply on an urgent basis as other prospective lovers have sent indications of interest.

Please also note that my sister is happily employed.

Yours perhaps,
[Girl]

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 11, 2008 1:11 AM

A lot of truth in that Jenjen...but I remember having a conversation way WAY back when I was very young, my mother lecturing me that "looks aren't everything" (try telling THAT to a 20 year old), and I tried so hard to convince her that across a crowded room it wasn't the "personality" that attracted you - you'd not even got a glimpse of THAT yet.

Oddly enough now I'm telling the next generation the same thing (eww..I'm sounding like my mother!). You do need to be physically attracted, but it needs to run a lot deeper and broader than that...your comment on shared core values hits it on the head nicely....and on that note...goodnight!

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 11, 2008 12:51 AM

Finding a partner has more to do with finding a mental and spiritual connection and harmony with another person than just looks.... without doubt, physical attraction is essential, but it falters and ultimately fails without depth of character and shared core values.

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 11, 2008 12:45 AM

today122 at January 10, 2008 11:59 PM

Yes well that is the thing we know ourselves alot better than we use to when we were younger. We have experienced life in many different ways. When we were younger we would fall for someone and only think of being in a relationship on a physical level, now we realise that there is more to life than just being in a relationship, we have other aspects to our lives that we were not conscious of developing to be who we are today and the many more things that we want in our lives apart from a relationship.

Posted by: mstingle at January 11, 2008 12:33 AM

yes - agree with both of you. We know we can get through on our own, and we don't need to settle.

Posted by: today122 at January 10, 2008 11:59 PM

wishfulthinker03 at January 10, 2008 11:27 PM

Yes I agree and I think becuase we have less time we don't want to waste it, making mistakes that we would when we were younger.

Posted by: mstingle at January 10, 2008 11:40 PM

Good for you Rider....it does have a sense of satisfaction about it, doesn't it.

Willow we are more selective, I think at this stage you tend to be that way, you're not prepared to settle for anything less than your ideal (whatever that may be) as you may have been when younger.

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 10, 2008 11:27 PM

It really is much harder to establish a new relationship as we mature.

Are we more selective, intolerant of others, overly sensitive.

Of course the issues of financial security, sense of humour, excess baggage readily enter view. How will a man survive these tests and we must be emotionally mature as well.

These things may take me a lifetime to acquire, at least my young children love me and no tests to pass that I know of with the exception of being a good playmate and nearly always losing every game.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 10, 2008 11:23 PM

wish...I changed my photos a few weeks ago and started receiving kisses from girls who rejected me months earlier ! it was kind of cool rejecting them...Karma baby

Posted by: ridersonthestorm74 at January 10, 2008 11:18 PM

That one has been done to death too Rider...but still it is frustrating. If someone doesn't like you - say so. What I really find amusing is the one that DOES send you a "flattered but not interested", then a few weeks later sends you a kiss - hmmmmm

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 10, 2008 11:10 PM

misswendyxx I must admit, I would rather meet after a couple of emails...I would love to get off this site as soon as possible but some people are more forward then others . One girl took 1 email to exchange numbers when another took 15.

Posted by: ridersonthestorm74 at January 10, 2008 11:06 PM

wish- read my earlier blog about people not responding to kisses or emails...I feel your pain

Posted by: ridersonthestorm74 at January 10, 2008 11:02 PM

ridersonthestorm74 at January 10, 2008 1:42 PM

Yes did that 1st time married to complete opposite, did not work 2nd time married someone that was som much like me we could have been genetically related, that did not work either. I think you have to find someone that you do have similar interest and goals in life for it to work but not do similar that there is no seperate identity and extra things that can bring spice to the relationship

Posted by: mstingle at January 10, 2008 10:59 PM

Rider, that's a whole lot of steps! What is frustrating though is when you send requested email and you never hear a thing back. That's if you are lucky enough for them to respond to the kiss initially...my pet peeve!

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 10, 2008 10:55 PM

I think meet fairly soon after a couple of emails and phone calls. I'm not into email ping pong, if I'm interested I want to move things forward..........I need to know whether it is the person I am attracted/compatible with or if it's just my good looking computer screen...........

Posted by: misswendyxx at January 10, 2008 10:48 PM

Is this how RSVP goes ?

1 Read profile ( laugh at humour and check out photos at least 5 times read profile again
2 Send kiss...wait wait ..wait .
3 Read profile ( laugh at humour and check out photos at least 5 times..read profile again
4 Respond to kiss...look forward to email
5 Send initial email.. short but not too much detail..wait..wait ..wait..
6 Respond to email - short but not too much detail ..wait ..wait..wait ..
7 Send
8 Respond
9 Send
10 Respond
11 Send email ---ask to exchange numbers to arrange first contact ( bring in Star trek music )
12 Respond with number
13 Phone
14 Blah blah blah blah blah arrange meeting point ( bar )
15 What to wear?
16 Walk outside and around the block as you are early
17 Meet and greet
18 The rest ..Well.thats up to YOU!
:)

Posted by: ridersonthestorm74 at January 10, 2008 10:27 PM

slightsynchronicity,

I'm with you and think that it is prudent to chat on the phone and meet as soon as both parties feel comfortable. Its difficult to build a realistic rapport without the 'unspoken cues' and instant feedback during communication....

However, I would like to ask, what is it with people when you have exchanged a couple of emails, then offer your landline phone number for them to call (so that they can maintain their anonymity a while longer) and they disappear never to respond again? Is it just too scarey?

Posted by: greattimestocome at January 10, 2008 10:03 PM

and good on you for being an eternal optimistic! things can only get better - I think there's a song around called that? but it sure beats the whingers all around.

Posted by: today122 at January 10, 2008 10:01 PM

Just goes to show that if this quality of the professional advice on podcasts, no wonder the occupants of this asylum are equally screwed up.

Posted by: neuroticfish at January 10, 2008 8:15 PM

Heard an ABC radio show about the book 'Slapped By An Angel', and it was touching and sad. Since then I have looked at some statistics of online dating success. I just Googled and googled, nothing difficult. As online communication becomes mores , there will be more sucess stories, but most of us should also try other values. Sorry I find this topic unhelpful. Its probably just me : )))) Fortunately for me (but not others as being an eternal optimist is grating on some people) I believe in serendipity, synchronicity (sometimes) and karma.
Have a good evening all.

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 10, 2008 8:41 PM

But maybe the family like the trappings because that's all that they get to see. And I know which I would prefer, or else why bother?

Posted by: today122 at January 10, 2008 7:05 PM
today122: great point of course. The mistake some members of a couple make (not mentioning my ex as am over him) is that one of them could be a "workaholic" or approaching that. It is very difficult for the partner if they do not see their loved on. Give me the company of the person, not the trappings. Ha ha and I have just begun a Mon-Saturday job myself, to get by. Now I have heaps of time to meet new people, in the job : ) Sunday is for swimming and family/ friends/garden/dog.

I have heard success stories of people meeting and having a good long term relationship...after a prolonged online relationship. Given a choice, I think it is best to meet relatively quickly unless perhaps both of them are extremely word oriented (eg writers, and who knows...it could work.) Meeting as soon as possible or using webcamera, phone, chat, email and maybe snail mail could work for some for a while. Person to person can not be substituted. It is reality. (opinion only : )

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 10, 2008 8:14 PM

Well this is an interesting subject for those of us new to online dating. I too have made the mistake of over indulging in the work thing and finding it difficult to balance the family and work thing. It unfortunately forced two of my children to move in with their father as they felt that I was making my work more important than them. That was not the case I just over extended myself and was trying to provide both mum and dad to them. I still have a good relationship with the ones that moved out. I have also learnt my lesson. Now I guess I am out to find some one to also share the rest of my life with as well. As in the process of providing for my children and being overwhelmed with work commitments I have ignored the fact that I do not have anyone in my life to share the intermit things that I thought I could go with out. I was wrong. As I have gotten older I am perhaps a little picky and am well over the pub and club scene. I also guess at the moment i am also looking for some friends to boot. So if you are interested to either/or/and want a faithful friend/lover drop a line my way. i promise you will not be disappointed.

Posted by: tambelina at January 10, 2008 7:41 PM

As long as I get my 6 week holiday each year I am happy, dont mind the hours each week but must admit have lost a girlfriend in the past due to the hours and obligation of my job. But I made the decision last year that there MUST be a line between a work/life balance.
I have seen the worst side of life if you live for your job and not live for you LIFE ?.find that happy medium.

Posted by: ridersonthestorm74 at January 10, 2008 7:16 PM

But maybe the family like the trappings because that's all that they get to see. And I know which I would prefer, or else why bother?

Posted by: today122 at January 10, 2008 7:05 PM

Rider...not to mention the obligatory 4wd that never goes off-road, the private school tuition fees, and the golden labrador! Your corporation might hold you in high regard, but it's a safe bet your family wont be too pleased with the time spent maintaining that job.

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 10, 2008 7:02 PM

yes, riders, and if you do the 12 hour days? and the trips away? other people's expectations, not those of your own life or needs.

and wishfulthinker - I'll send you my bill!!!

Posted by: today122 at January 10, 2008 6:44 PM

today..interesting about the corporate ladder thing...I do notice you are held in a high regard at my multi-national company if you have a wife,kids and the white picket fence

Posted by: ridersonthestorm74 at January 10, 2008 6:42 PM

my 10 cents worth, riders and others.
I think the first marriage is for others - the family, the in-laws, to have children, to climb the corporate ladder, to get started, and you try to do all this when you're too young to know what on earth it's all about, but you do it because that is what is expected of you.
When this all finally falls apart, you make your life and your relationships about you, and you get picky and selective, but you know yourself better and choose a partner or not, because it's what YOU want and need, no other reason.

Posted by: today122 at January 10, 2008 6:16 PM

Cripes Rider....I match that observation....well the first part anyway...so now I'm just waiting to find that "one" like me (poor bloke) and do it all again....or not :)

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 10, 2008 6:06 PM

To me the most important aspect of any relationship be it love, life or business is good old communication! Without this you will never succeed in any sort of relationship.

Posted by: ridersonthestorm74 at January 10, 2008 3:21 PM

Have to agree rider74 - opposites do attract but it is usually better to go for someone that you have a lot in common with and that is where a good profile can help. I always try to choose women based on what they write and how many things we have in common. If you just go on looks it rarely works.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 10, 2008 3:13 PM

ridersonthestorm74, it is an interesting thought about people who marry their opposite first time around then marry someone similar to them next time.

Perhaps for some it is a mistake but for others the marriage can be very rewarding but just runs out of steam as they grow apart later in life. This can happen even when the partners are well matched first time around.

Must agree with what I think is your general thrust that opposites attract early in life but struggle to deal with the complexities this brings as they mature and seek to pursue different interests.

I suspect your comment will generate a lot of interest as bloggers catch on.

Posted by: willow1059 at January 10, 2008 3:06 PM

One thing that I have noticed is most people marry twice, first time they marry their opposite and after some time ( around 5 to 10 years and 1 to 2 kids ) they realise they made a mistake...get divorced and then marry someone who is very much like themselves..
Thoughts my fellow BLOG-STARS ? I'm not yelling I am just putting it out there .

Posted by: ridersonthestorm74 at January 10, 2008 1:42 PM

Could I just say how much I liked the bit in the podcast where Montgomery and Phyllis (or whatever her name was) were holding hands, CRYING, because there was no CHEMISTRY. This podcast has made my day. I’m off now to sob in the corner (and could I remind all and any women that I may fortuitously meet in the next 10 years, the whole 1 of you, that this is now DE RIGEUR. WE must hold hands and sob and pronounce in unison that there is no chemistry)

Posted by: neuroticfish at January 10, 2008 1:25 PM

How does one have a "passionate, virtual relationship"??? My suggestion is to meet sooner rather than later, it's very easy to write emails and/or talk online, shyness and inhibitions seem to be less for many, and of course you build up a mental image of this person and can be let down with a thump when you finally meet them and they turn out to be NOT quite what you imagined.

As for the recovery...bit like falling off a horse really, you get up and get back online and try again.....

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 10, 2008 10:19 AM