RSVP Blog
DOES A 'BAD' NEW YEARS EVE MEAN YOU'LL HAVE A 'GOOD' NEW YEARS DAY?
It is 7:30 pm on new years eve and you still don't have a plan, a date or friends to go out with. Why? Because your plans for New Years Eve fell through. You were so excited; you had a back-up plan if the first plan fell through so that either way, you were assured of a great time. Unfortunately, the back-up plan would only have worked out if you had known earlier that your first plans would not work out.
Have you ever spent new years alone because your plans fell through? Did you have a good new year's day because of that since you were probably not hung over? Tell us your story
Posted by January 3, 2008 9:12 AM
Latest Comments
timewarp1, I worked till 5pm then went to a birthday bash for a uni pal and have not been long home. Read the blog and am too tired for any of my correspondence. Terrible. The workplace does not have internet access for me, a phone but no net...so have to get used to no email access etc (or blog access) in the day.
I was staying off this blog as I wanted to focus on the future instead of thinking of a New Years Eve when I was 19 which did not turn out for the best. Hope the tennis went well and how is the rib? Goodnight.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 10, 2008 1:25 AM
Hi all/whoever hasn't already moved away to the next blog yet. Now teatime, and I'm the only post today. Lonely without a crowd.
It's a pity. This blog has been filled with so much more-frequent honest authentic self-revelation than the previous ones I've read. Reminds me of T-groups in the 70s.
And heaps of giggles, to carry us across the pathos.
A couple of comments before I zoom off to tennis:
FemPersuasion:
Gobsmacked by the excellence of your post at 12.24pm 6th. Read like a textbook. But by your 2.52 post you seem to have somewhat mellowed - much more fun - what did you have for lunch?
MSTINGLE: Always impressed with your posts - some beauties here.
JENJEN, 6.11pm 6th: I'm a Sag, and was delighted with your total accuracy, up to the word "love".
Then it suddenly didget negative. I wonder if you hadgot tired at that point, and had an aggro ghost-writer finish it off for you?
JENJEN again, 10.55pm 6th: Well, aren't you the dark filly?
Everybody rubbishes me for being a tryhard, because I've averaged just under 2 RSVP first dates a week for the last 2 years. Now I see you posting the same batting average, and for a much longer period! (10,000 in 100 years = 100 a year.) Goodonyer gal!
Where are my sandshoes? Will look at the better profiles blog tomorrow night. Seeya there.
Posted by: timewarp1 at January 8, 2008 7:43 PM
RSVP....why did you deleted those Chinese Horoscope, this are very interesting post. It's represent inner personality of people. Nothing inappropriate conducted offensive comments. It is just a guidelines who we are compatible.
Please Back-up ..Thanks.
Posted by: aliane at January 7, 2008 12:34 PM
My most compatible matches are capricorn, taurus, cancer or scorpio. Hands up boys !!
Posted by: jenjen57 at January 7, 2008 12:17 PM
Dear RSVP
One day could we have the blog topic of the different astrologies? Chinese, the Zodiac one we are used to in the West etc. (Hindu astrology..called something else, cant remember, is interesting etc) Seems there is a bit of interest in it as it relates to compatibility. Of course it is not everyone's cup of tea....
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 7, 2008 7:34 PM
I have just invented the self wiping blog and am off to the patents office immediately
I’ve called it the Bidet Blog With Added Fluoride and Mint Flavour.
Can use on teeth, can double as an ass wipe; and even better, gives you that nice colgate smile to your face as you see your blog mysteriously disappear from view.
Posted by: neuroticfish at January 7, 2008 3:23 PM
aliane
The brooming of the blog is very subjective unfortunately........and chit chat is deemed not interesting/not on topic.
We have a new blog now where we can discuss the creating of a winning profile :)
I might reinvent mine !!
Posted by: jenjen57 at January 7, 2008 12:43 PM
With regard to differing zodiac signs,the compatible or incompatible vibrations between persons plays a major role in the romantic road of love. It governs human relationships and the mysteries involved. It tells us whether a relationship is worth working at and how to get the best out of it. APPARENTLY !!!
I am a Virgo..........
Virgoans seem to sit on the fence looking backward with confidence and at the same time displaying a certain timidity in moving forward.Virgoan subjects are happy to remain in the background, employing their organizational skills to help those with extrovert talents.Virgos are practical, sensible, logical, and clever.They can make mountains out of molehills in both a positive and negative context .Virgos are renowned for their fussy, worrying, critical natures-traits which can be very irritating to other signs.They are perfectionists who need to have everything just right. No sign is more critical or more demanding of itself than Virgo.Fussiness, which borders on obsession at times, is apparent with most Virgoans.
Hmmmmmm, doesnt even sound appealing to me :(
My most compatible matches are capricorn, taurus, cancer or scorpio. Hands up boys !!
Posted by: jenjen57 at January 7, 2008 12:17 PM
Have any of you made an New Years resolutions and if so what are they?
Posted by: toadkisser at January 6, 2008 3:13 PM
! have fun (laugh more)
2 be relaxed
3 swim more
4 forgot the rest
how about you toadkisser, did u make any resolutions?
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 6, 2008 11:44 PM
Aliane - I also recall that dreams of death or similar tragedy are meant to symbolise the end of something, not of a life, but of a sad or harmful time.
sometimes I think we need to take care with these interpretations, they can cause a deal of grief and anxiety too I think
Posted by: today122 at January 6, 2008 11:10 PM
how many toads do we really have to kiss??? yuk yuk. and how would you remember which was which after 10,000 anyway?
my thing about the naked, beer and food was - oh, too hard to explain. but we've all been single for quite a while it would seem, and beer and food are here already.......getting more tragic by the minute.
and I bet gordie and bezza are doing just fun. unless you've given her your ironing as well, misswendy!!
Posted by: today122 at January 6, 2008 11:06 PM
This is in reply to comment on dreams... As a member before me replied, i too believe that dreams are linked/bonded closely to all that is me! Perception or imagination is an incredibly powerful force, one which drives my life. Like the words we use Dreams describe who we are or what we want with the obvious difference that words are a conscious communication. My opinion on the subject is this, i am always dreaming night and day. The dream i dream in the day is one i have either been taught by others ie Law, Trends, Tradition etc or one i have been taught by myself ie my experiences or a combination of the two. Either way it is my beliefs i choose today that define who i am today both whilst awake and sleeping. It is those beliefs that will drive my life irrespecive of visions or feelings. The question was posed can our dreams communicate to us? My Answer - Whatever the vision, how did it feel? Deep down you know wether it was a good or bad memory or a nice fantasy or a fear or something you have needed to get an answer to! Trust your feelings! Peace out...
Posted by: michael1j at January 6, 2008 11:03 PM
aliane.............I think with dreams the images we get represent other things and should not be interpreted as we see them. There are web sites out there that can help you interpret what they might mean. For example the image of a baby does not necessarily mean a baby but a new beginning, and the fact that you were locked in a house , that there is something holding you back from the new, whatever it is.
Don't be frightened :)
Posted by: jenjen57 at January 6, 2008 11:01 PM
ODE say its a numbers thing.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 6, 2008 10:28 PM
Thats all very well, but as I recall ODE was talking in numbers like 10,000. At that rate I'll be here for 100 years :(
Posted by: jenjen57 at January 6, 2008 10:55 PM
If you were naked first that might stop the relationship in it's tracks so maybe this is a new way of saying we have nothing in common and good luck.
Posted by: didget at January 6, 2008 8:17 PM
So now didget are you suggesting people have the first date naked, or post naked pics on their page? Hopefully there would not be too much in common if the people are opposite genders..if you look at what you wrote.
RSVP speed dating at a nudist colony, that will work ewwwwwwww
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 6, 2008 10:53 PM
Hey today122 I wonder how gordie and bezza went NYE maybe they had too many champers and lost each other in that overgrown field!! Or maybe there was a cougar lurking in the field.......
Posted by: misswendyxx at January 6, 2008 10:50 PM
Ode-can't remember ever saying I wouldn't go out with a younger man :) Your self inflicted Feb deadine is fast approaching. ( I have a very good memory)....try fastmail.fm
Its free and you can bounce emails as if your address no longer exists..your escape if you need it :)
Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 6, 2008 7:28 PM
FP: isnt ODEs deadline January 9th? sure he could have a coffee with some bloggers at least. I offered to buy him drinks and play pool cos of some thing I said which was a backhanded compliment he mildly objected to...all explained. His profile says he does not drink booze. ODE are you sending kisses out then to the ladies who meet you criteria. I had coffee with a guy who had just sent 400 kisses out : ))))) The age limits I have posted are not set in stone either FP. Currently I am not looking but ODE should not be dateless and some bloggers must live near him.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 6, 2008 10:48 PM
jenjen 57... this is the chorus from a Vonda Shepard songs... from Ali McBeal, this could be about cyber love, don't think we are tragic just patiently waiting... and waiting ... and waiting
'Cause I know he's out there somewhere
Just beyond my reach
Though I've never really touched him
Or ever heard him speak
Though we've never been together
We've never been apart
No we've never met
Haven't found him yet
But I know him by heart
No we've never met
Haven't found him yet
But I know him by heart
Posted by: eastofcbd at January 6, 2008 10:39 PM
yep misswendy - those books are only worth when they confirm what you think anyway. and what topic are we supposed to be writing on? oh now i remember - fitness or expensive dates or something?
and jenjen - that cyber world - how tragic are we???
mstingle - you can't pull down your profile when you go back to your study - what will we do without you?
and SSC - maybe toadkisser is right after all?
Posted by: today122 at January 6, 2008 10:38 PM
I'm less and less sure about the whole on-line dating thing - join Ninachen and the others in that crowded disillusioned corner!
Posted by: riversong1 at January 6, 2008 11:25 AM
Oh dear, I am relatively new to RSVP, despite this being second time around. Hang in there disillusioned bloggers, every one is not the same. timewarp and I think ODE say its a numbers thing. Maybe RSVP will do more speed dating events for RSVPers to go. Lots of visual feedback. >:D:D<
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 6, 2008 10:28 PM
Hahaha this is so funny....this blog seems like a free for all on any topic!! Are there any lurkers out there that might want to have their say?
"femalepersuasion.
excellent excellent. that's one to copy and paste and keep. thank you"
Posted by: today122 at January 6, 2008 12:34 PM
Today122 - If you are interested the book is called Are You The One for Me?
Knowing Who's Right & Avoiding Who's Wrong by Barbara De Angelis.
Personally I don't think those self help books actually help.....all they tell you is what you already know. Listen to your inner voice, intuition, conscious or instincts.....that's where the answer lies.
"A one way ticket doesn't seem like value to me, Dichet.....and why is misswendy getting the chocolates....and maybe the balloon ride?"
Posted by: istj54 at January 6, 2008 1:30 PM
Didget - I think you better give Istj54 the treat to the Hunter Valley. She appears most upset...after all she has been your loyal advocate.....she's always had your back. You can't buy that sort of loyalty can you? Now.....you might want to throw in the balloon ride too......I think that would be a nice touch.
Jenjen57 - Starsigns were hilarious....but I am not sure if I should be on a dating site with those credentials.....dating me could be deadly......I am a libran!!!
Posted by: misswendyxx at January 6, 2008 10:26 PM
The heat has really pushed me about to day after all the cool weather we have been having, I am going to bed were the only rooom that has air conditioning is my bedroom. Good night Jen and anyone else about.
Posted by: mstingle at January 6, 2008 10:24 PM
Here's my recipe for New Year's Eve. Take a spoonful of lonely, dateless Saturday night misery. Add a glass of Valentine's Day humiliation. Stir in a double measure of hype, a pinch of hope and garnish with a generous sprinkling of unrealistic expectation. Simmer for 365 days.
Result: a flat souffle of disappointment and morning-after regret.
The irony is that we all know New Year's Eve never lives up to the hype. That guy we've had our eye on all year is not going to be suddenly inflamed with longing when he sees us in the slinky red dress we've just blown a month's wages on.
Our friends are not going to drink just enough to enjoy themselves, without going too far and ending up vomiting by the roadside as the taxi drives off in disgust. We will miss the last train. The night bus will go sailing past our stop just as the heavens open and it starts to rain.
Our boyfriend will mysteriously disappear at the same time as that blonde floozy he's only just been introduced to at the bar we've been dragged along to.
Come midnight, we'll be trapped in a rousing chorus of Auld Lang Syne with a dozen people we don't know, mumbling one line over and over because none of us can remember the rest of the words, and dodging the slobbery kisses of bald, sweaty men old enough to be our fathers.
It's as if we've collectively brainwashed ourselves to forget what happened last year. And the year before. And the year before that.
Next up - Valentines Day !!!!!
Posted by: jenjen57 at January 6, 2008 10:15 PM
Is this us ?? Tragic :))
CYBER LOVE
Is this real or in my dreams
My worlds unraveling at the seams
You have my heart now take my soul
This cyber love is what makes me whole
I can't believe what's happening to me
Your face so perfect that I've never seen
Your lips so soft I may never touch
I only feel the keyboard I clutch
I need you now I need you forever
In an electric world to be together
A surreal place that plays with the mind
In a cloned world of two of a kind
I consume your words they filter inside
No matter what I do I can't seem to hide
My trembling hands awaiting the rush
When I feel you near to resume this crush
You’re my everything my unyielding desire
the spark to the match before it lights fire
The angel within that whispers my name
Controlling the moves in this wicked game
This cyber love is why I awake
This cyber love is my only escape
The time has come I feel it in my spine
When I look toward the melancholy light and see you’re on-line.
(Thanks to the author)
Posted by: jenjen57 at January 6, 2008 10:07 PM
jenjen57 at January 6, 2008 8:44 PM
Very interesting!
Posted by: today122 at January 6, 2008 9:19 PM
Way to go girl, I just love that song thanks for the lyrics. I have sung that song many a time, in the past and cried my eyes out and danced up a storm, thank you.
toadkisser at January 6, 2008 9:29 PM
I don’t know but the best lover I had was born in a year of the pig.
aliane at January 6, 2008 9:37 PM
Yes, I believe in the theory that dreams hold the keys to our conscious self and that the answers lie within our subconscious, however it is better if the person themselves interpret the dreams themselves, rather than someone that could lead you astray with interpreting things in your dream, only your own mind would know why it has chosen certain things in your dreams to represent what they do. It would take an extremely skilled person not to interpret the dreams but to help you find the anwers for yourself without hindreing the process, of self discovery
Posted by: mstingle at January 6, 2008 10:07 PM
7 nights plus a bonus 2 nights if we book by the end of the week
$3,000
Wow!! send me for 2 weeks and 4 days.
Posted by: didget at January 6, 2008 3:34 PM
ha ha, is this for all the women on the blog and you, didget or just a select few? Can you send me to Macchu Piccu and the Inca trail instead? (by myself is fine :)
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 6, 2008 9:35 PM
Hi all,
I think I have dated some male praying mantis's. LOL
If I had a New Years resolution it will be to adopt 'I Will Survive' as my mantra for 2008. No more settling for 'you will do'. Not this little black duck.
PS: Did you know that pigs cannot look up. Must be from that lengthy orgasm. Does this apply to males who are born in year of the pig in the Chinese Zodiac???????????
Posted by: toadkisser at January 6, 2008 9:29 PM
I Will Survive Lyrics
» Gloria Gaynor
First I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side
But I spent so many nights
thinking how you did me wrong
I grew strong
I learned how to carry on
and so you're back
from outer space
I just walked in to find you here
with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed my stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second
you'd be back to bother me
Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
you think I'd crumble
you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive
It took all the strength I had
not to fall apart
kept trying hard to mend
the pieces of my broken heart
and I spent oh so many nights
just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
Now I hold my head up high
and you see me
somebody new
I'm not that chained up little person
still in love with you
and so you felt like dropping in
and just expect me to be free
now I'm saving all my loving
for someone who's loving me
Posted by: today122 at January 6, 2008 9:19 PM
Did You Know...
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Do not try this at home. Maybe at work.)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate
while its head is attached to its body.
The female initiates s#x by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes... lucky pig. Can you imagine??)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm........)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(OK, so that would be a good thing...............)
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have s#x for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
Posted by: jenjen57 at January 6, 2008 8:44 PM
jenjen57 at January 6, 2008 6:12 PM
Yes that order seems about right, drinks first especially the first time, for a bit of dutch courage, naked second and food third after all it is quiet uncomfortable doing anything on a full stomach and if you work up a sweat during a lengthy session, then food will restore strength.
Posted by: mstingle at January 6, 2008 8:04 PM
Wishfulthinker,
Dont you love the way I smooth-talked you into saying that I was amazing....I didn't have to blow my own trumpet?!!!!!!!!! Just proves, empty vessels DO make the most sound, dont you agree?
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at January 6, 2008 7:59 PM
Okay let me clear this up. ISTJ - Didget was referring to WishfulThinker03 when he referred to having met before. Didget - ISTJ thought you meant her.
Didget - ISTJ suggests you be sent to Brisbane or Coventry (on your little R & R trip). I like the idea of Coventry. I doubt Brisbane would welcome you.
Posted by: ninaschen at January 6, 2008 7:54 PM
And I thought I had been very concerned and helpful...don't believe we have met either...and I'm not from Brisbane...but that might be where Ninaschen sends you...or is that Coventry?
Posted by: istj54 at January 6, 2008 7:45 PM
Ode-can't remember ever saying I wouldn't go out with a younger man :) Your self inflicted Feb deadine is fast approaching. ( I have a very good memory)....try fastmail.fm
Its free and you can bounce emails as if your address no longer exists..your escape if you need it :)
Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 6, 2008 7:28 PM
Today122,
Not if you met me you wouldn't forego food and drink......plenty of drinks to make me look OK and plenty of food as an excuse that you are not in the mood....might get a cramp!!!
Wishfulthinker,
Why are you putting yourself into this category....I thought this was about us guys....all women are amazing!!!??
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at January 6, 2008 7:15 PM
Hilarious jenjen57.
Yes I am a a quick and intelligent thinker (translates to leaves most people (men) for dead in a conversation or debate. Not going to comment on the bisexual thing, definitely not me. Well I am on RSVP in terms of expecting too much for too little. I definitely not a cheap b******, I won't drink any champagne expect for Louis Roderer Vintage (expensive french). Mmmmm not going to comment on this as I am a notorious flirt at times (notorious for thriving on sleazy behaviour). I am still laughing - thanks jenjen57 again.
Posted by: toadkisser at January 6, 2008 7:13 PM
The possible destinations are sounding better and better, Today122. It seems we might need to go to a vote. Lucky you, Eric. All these people concerned about your R & R. Please, don't thank us. It is our pleasure.
Posted by: ninaschen at January 6, 2008 7:08 PM
Ninaschen - the Falklands. far enough away, difficult to get there from here, maybe target practice for someone who thinks the war's still on? not exciting or too cold, and probably nothing more recent than two tins with a string between.
Posted by: today122 at January 6, 2008 7:02 PM
Hi Wishfulthinker,
Naked first......we can drink the beer and eat the food later!!!
JenJen,
I feel ripped off....we Leos are much worse than that. I am pretty sure I wouldn't fall asleep during sex...but its been a while, so who knows and besides....30 seconds, give me a break!!!
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at January 6, 2008 6:30 PM
Dont forget to check compatibility with ,and horoscope of, prospective coffee dates........
Aquarius (Jan 23 - Feb 22) - You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a jerk.
Pisces (Feb 23 - Mar 22) - You are a pioneer type and think most people are morons. You are quick to reprimand, impatient, and full of advice. You do nothing but p***-off everyone you come in contact with. You are a p****.
Aries (Mar 23 - April 22) - You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dips**t.
Taurus (April 23 - May 22) - You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a communist.
Gemini (May 23 - June 22) - You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap b******. Geminis are notorious for thriving on sleazy behaviour.
Cancer (June 23 - July 22) - You are sympathetic and understanding of other people's problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a s**t. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.
Leo (July 23 - Aug 22) - You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving jerks and enjoy solo sex.
Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22) - You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your s**t-picking attitude is sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep during sex.. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.
Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22) - You are the artistic type and have a difficult time dealing with reality. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are sl**s. All Libras die of venereal disease.
Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22) - You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are the perfect son-of-a *****. Most Scorpios are murdered.
Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 22) - You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on your luck since you have no talent. You are a worthless piece of s**t.
Capricorn (Dec 23 - Jan 22) - You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chickens**t. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance.
Hehehe..........
Posted by: jenjen57 at January 6, 2008 6:11 PM
because istakarim you already had your invitation and backed down and besides she is younger,has young children,needs a break and needs to get out of the humdrum of living in Geelong.
if I had the money I would send you all on a holiday to Bora Bora.
Posted by: didget at January 6, 2008 2:31 PM
...seems like you have been sending us all to Bora Bora for some time now, Dichet...and without spending a penny at all...must be having a seniors moment trying to remember said invitation...but I have lots of those lately...and that's what they call those old blokes...sad seniors...or tom cats??
Posted by: istj54 at January 6, 2008 5:43 PM
Hi all,
I think I have to explain the nature of cougars. Did any of you see the Mark Philippoussis reality television show. I watched a couple of episodes and they categorised the 'older' women on the show as 'cougars'. These were gorgeous, beautiful women who were in their forties and looking very good both physically and emotionally. The 'young' woman were categorised as 'kittens'.
Posted by: toadkisser at January 6, 2008 4:12 PM
femalepersuasion at January 6, 2008 12:24 PM
Good post.
notgodsgift at January 6, 2008 12:35 PM
Yes, I notice comments sometimes from either a male or female and when they talk they don’t just say that is how it was with what ever relationship, they often as you say, tar all males or females with the same brush. May be it just means they are still in the process of working out what happened.
“what chance then for all of us?” Well I don’t know but I am not going to stop it from getting on, I will have my moments, as we all will but I will stop it from getting back on the horse.
jenjen57 at January 6, 2008 12:38 PM
nicely put Jenjen.
didget at January 6, 2008 1:20 PM
I don’t think that what ever blog topic that comes up is a problem really. As I have noticed that we end up talking about what are current issues for us anyway, which would occur not matter what topic RSVP decided to put on. We will talk about given topics which is good to come up with something to pull us away from current issues but we will always go back to what ever it is that we need to talk about regardles of whether you are male or female. Is this a bad thing, okay it is only my opinion but regardless whether we like what is brought up or not, we are here and we learn a lot from one another. I think it is better nutting out together whether we agree with each other or not, then doing it alone. After all we are all from past relationships, like it or not and we are all here to learn from one another and to move on to our next relationship.
jenjen57 at January 6, 2008 1:50 PM
Very good! 'what men want'. I want that too, so maybe other women do too.
Posted by: mstingle at January 6, 2008 4:11 PM
jenjen57. Your post form the Relationship Coach Letter.
This weeks episode of Sensual Secrets revolved around exotic dancers. Who they are and why they do what they do. Just about all were very well educated. One lady was working on her Phd while juggling her family.
The bottom line was that many of the dancers made more money per night by just talking to the clients. Your post expresses something that we[ myself included] fail to achieve. A good communication base.
Posted by: northern9 at January 6, 2008 3:54 PM
Hi all,
It took me two days to realise the other blog was closed and I have wandered into this one. LOL
I have never been one to go out on New Years as my former partner was adamant that it was bad thing to go out on New Years. I went to friends this year and it was great so for me I am going to do something every year even it involves having an 'open' house party with a bunch of strangers.
In terms of New Year resolutions, well, I don't smoke so that is one I don't have to commit to. I am carrying a few extra kilos. I figure they were there this time last year so I might as well accept them as a permanent fixture. I will not state that I am going to find a good man this year. I am trying the bored and nonchalant approach and hoping he will come and find me. Alternatively I can become a predator (read 'cougar' for all our US friends) and hunt down anything male and vaguely acceptable. I am trying a different approach to dating in 2008 and will keep you all informed. Have any of you made an New Years resolutions and if so what are they?
Posted by: toadkisser at January 6, 2008 3:13 PM
FP
Unfortunately I am disadvantaged because, while I am blonde, I am not tall !! However I do have some very sexy, very red and very high heels. I will wear them !! Have memorised the Appearance and Etiquette, will keep the `arm perpendicular if I HAVE to smoke, and look forward to giving it a trial run ASAP ;)
Posted by: jenjen57 at January 6, 2008 3:09 PM
For those of you ( I think its the guys that would appreciate some light relief in this blog!!!) I submit :
HOW TO PICK UP MEN
The Official Guidebook
(albeit its for the women,my perogative, but hey, I'm a woman !!)
Approach
========
Pick the one you want...then go get him. If it's dark or you're unsure of anything, don't be shy about viewing him at close range. Men understand that just because you're looking at them, it doesn't mean you're interested. It's normal procedure.
Appearance
=========
If at all possible be a tall blonde. If not, try being a buxom redhead. In special cases, you may try to be either buxom OR a redhead but it is not sufficient to be just blonde or just tall. Ultimately you should be a six foot redhead at least 10 yrs younger than your target. ( have no guilt about lying about age- everyone knows a woman can safely lie about 3 things- Age, weight & past sexual history) Try very hard at this.
• Hair - try to have as much hair as possible and flip it around as much as you can. This disorients the man you have chosen, renders him helpless, and as a bonus, keeps him at a safe distance.
• Clothing - Clothing is overrated. Try to avoid getting caught up in trends. People will tell you that you need to wear a coat when it rains and warm things sometimes, but you really don't need to listen to that kind of propaganda. Most people are inside a lot so a halter top is always appropriate. Try to find the smallest garment possible and then wiggle around in it a lot. If you should find yourself in a long skirt or evening gown or some other unhappy garment, try to make the most of it and make sure that it's tight or that you jiggle a lot.
• Shoes - Shoes, it should be noted, are not meant to be functional, but are rather mostly for decoration. Try and wear the highest heels possible. Red is the best. Try not to fall or anything, but if you are going to be sitting or even leaning against a wall most of the time, it's nothing you should worry about. If you do fall over, no biggie. These things happen.
Personality
• Charm - Try to have a lot of charm, especially if you aren't buxom, redheaded, or tall and blonde.
• Perkiness - Don't be perky. It's annoying, and a LOT of work.
• Attitude - Your attitude should reflect a complete lack of caring. Be belligerent about it. There are two ways to go about this: you can either be the superior, pointy toed shoes-wearing, intelligent vamp or you can be the adorable helpless fragile flower. Either way, it gives the man something to chase and they like run around and stuff like that.
• Breasts - Breasts are an important part of your personality. I'm not sure how but um, they are. So, do whatever you can to make them perky and all that.
Etiquette
=======
Try to be polite. This is only a general rule, though; if you are inconvenienced, annoyed, or too tired to be pleasant, you can be as rude as you want, especially if you are provoked. However, if you are going to be very rude, make sure to be very very attractive so it will seem cute and feisty and not unappealing.
Smoking- { all those bloggers trying to give up-go girl(s)} - Try not to smoke. If you must, be as courteous as possible and hold your arm out perpendicular to your body. Be sure to dangle the cigarette from your body loosely. This makes you seem dangerous. Actually, it DOES make you dangerous and men like things like that, like shiny cars to crash in and sports like rollerblading or lawn darts. This also keeps the man at a safe distance.
Eating - Try not to eat. If you must, eat something that doesn't require chewing, like yogurt or boiled monkey brains. Also, if you don't eat, don't pass out, either, as this is annoying, time-consuming, and the impetus behind force-feeding, which is irritating and messy at best.
Drinking - Try to drink a lot. It's fun and you'll find that as you drink more and more, you worry less and less. Men like it. It's fun for them, too. It's like a Slinky or bisexuals - fun for girl and boy.
Breasts(again) - Arch your back. This really doesn't have anything to do with politeness but I had room to include it here.
Sex - If you want, you can have sex whenever desired. Simply make sure you really want to and aren't just bored or something. Don't let the man decide whether to have sex or not. They think sports are interesting and that Jean-Claude Van Damme movies are a good idea and therefore cannot be trusted with important decisions.
Speaking - Try to be interesting, if it's not too tiring. Don't feel the need to be intelligent, however. This reminds men of school and leads to expectations of note-taking and a later quiz. Don't worry to how he reacts to what you say; it's unimportant at best.
Make your final decision.
Leave.
Repeat as needed.
*** Guys, I am currently researching how to pick up at the tramstop for your benefit( not from the south?? Bustop instructions pending)
Stay tuned
Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 6, 2008 2:52 PM
If someone doesn’t want to be with you, respect their wishes. Let them go, let them be… give them the space they ask for without defensiveness. Leave the door open but get on with your life. Never try and convince anyone to be with you…A good question to ask yourself is why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you anyway?
This has been a long post, but one I thought worth addressing in detail.
Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 6, 2008 12:24 PM
How true is this statement? Why would you ever want to try to convince someone to like or love you? It never works in the long run and, after all, that's what we are supposedly here for.
How many times have the men and women here been, like Suzie, disappointed that their perceptions and great relationship, they were building in their own minds,didn't turn out??
Look back and if you it has been a few times over the last year, then it is obvious that none of these people were the "one" for you....What you felt, or are feeling is perhaps just how you "want" to feel.
Suzie, mooch about, don't get dressed, eat/drink what you like for a few days and, then, either take a sabbatical from dating or just get back out there. Don't spend too long writing before you meet them. It just builds up expectations that maybe people can't, or don't want to live up to.
Give the guy a bit of space and he may come back in a few days, or weeks, and if you truly feel for him that will be okay. I agree with IAE in that you should break all contact...let him miss you. He may have just got cold feet and needs to sort it all out.
Worth a try!
Posted by: istj54 at January 6, 2008 2:03 PM
There is a stark contrast between what each of the sexes thinks the opposite sex wants from them, and what the opposite sex really does want.
What women think men want from them causes women to have resentments and anger towards men, and feel hopeless about ever developing a wonderful, warm romantic partnership with a man. What men think women want from them causes them much of the same feelings.
The sad part is that it does not have to be this way, if only we realize that both men and women are human beings first and pretty much want the same thing.
1. Men want honest, timely, loving communication.
They want a woman who answers questions honestly instead of with silence. They want a woman who confidently asks for her wants and needs to be met. They want a woman who can see the truth, and tell it like it is while communicating with kindness. Finally, men want a woman who can communicate without being too critical, who cares about preserving his and her dignity.
Great men want and need straightforward, courageous communication without anger or criticism. Therefore, one way to attract a great man and build a satisfying relationship is to learn how to communicate effectively.
2. Self-sufficiency, security, confidence.
Men want a woman to choose them rather than need them, either materially or emotionally. They want their partner to have a separate identity, to support his goals without being threatened because she has goals as well. Men said they want a woman to be active and independent, and to have her own friends and interests.
Men want what women want - a whole partner. One powerful way to attract a great man and to build a vibrant relationship is to create a full, rewarding life for your own fulfillment now.
3. Lack of manipulation.
Men said they want no manipulation of any kind. They do not want to read their partner's mind or try to interpret signals. They do not want to be forced to move faster in a relationship than they are ready. They do not want to be manipulated into taking all the blame for things gone wrong. They do not want to be on the receiving end of game playing.
4. Growth, personal responsibility, ownership.
Men said they want a partner who can laugh at herself, and who has the ability to build courage and strength in her partner which means she must have the ability to do the same for herself. They also said they want a woman who can see her part in relationship dynamics and own it. She has to be stable emotionally. Men want a woman who is developing herself personally, and who takes responsibility for her emotional experience.
Men want women who are emotionally mature. Maturity does not mean lack of emotions. It does mean the ability to handle emotions responsibly. To attract a great man and to build a long-term relationship, learn to take responsibility for your emotional expression and experience.
5. Fidelity and a commitment to the relationship.
Across the board, men said fidelity is an absolute must. In fact, most went even further to say they want a woman who does not have a "roaming eye" and who can wholeheartedly commit to the relationship. They went on to define commitment as fidelity plus the willingness to work on the relationship even when the going gets tough. They said such commitment is critical to create a great relationship.
Here is great news for those women who have resigned to the myth that all men cheat: infidelity and "a roaming eye" are as distasteful to men as they are to women. Great men know how to build a wonderful relationship, and know that fidelity is the main ingredient.
6. Knowledge of men and how they need to be treated.
It seems women tend to treat men in a way that diminishes their ego, making them feel inadequate. Men said they would rather have more praise, more acknowledgement of what they do right, more acknowledgment that they are great guys who are loved and appreciated.
Most men want acknowledgement and appreciation from women. Learning to acknowledge instead of making your partner wrong is one of the most powerful relationship survival tools available to you.
The Relationship Coach Newsletter
Posted by: jenjen57 at January 6, 2008 1:50 PM
For anyone else interested in giving up smoking (I'm not sure that it is appropriate for me to name the drug on here) go see your GP he/she hopefully knows about it by now. Good luck to anyone willing to have a go!
Posted by: ninaschen at January 6, 2008 1:22 PM
Today122 (re post last night) - I've never been to the Byron Festival, but been to the Apollo Bay one the last few years - a real buzz - and hear the Byron one is like that too. Sounds like fun.
If you're interested in some company, share accomodation etc, I would consider giving it a go too. Let me know. I have stamps that will expire soon and no-one in sight to spend them on :( in this very crowded "disillusioned" corner!
By the way (co-incidence) I'm going to Byron in a couple of weeks for a holiday!
Posted by: riversong1 at January 6, 2008 1:20 PM
Hey Bob,
Just keep being your lovely respectful self.....there's hope out there for you.
Yes, alot of us women have come from very broken relationships, and find men like you who actually respect women....... very refreshing.
Posted by: graceandcharm at January 6, 2008 12:58 PM
and - ninaschen and jenjen - would love to hear of this new miracle cure for nicotine addiction. gotta be a way out of this, and AA and the 12 steps doesn't quite cut it.
As for the rest of this, I think we all need to get out more, especially me.
Posted by: today122 at January 6, 2008 12:51 PM
Love is a funny thing.....its never appreciated until its gone....it never has value until someone has it......and just when you decided to give up on it....it finds you again...
Heres wishing and hoping !!!!!!!!!
Posted by: jenjen57 at January 6, 2008 12:38 PM
It hurts to love someone and not to be loved in return, but is more painful to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel.
Posted by: jenjen57 at January 6, 2008 12:36 PM
Hi MsTingle,
I think that you have misinterpreted what I have been writing. I am not talking about me in particular, but men in general - the trend of the blog at the time was that men attempting to be "nice" (I meant understanding and respectful in this sense) are weak and insipid.
Personally, I have no issues whether a woman likes me or not; thats life. I attempt to at least give her a good experience with a guy so she walks away thinking that there are some decent ones left, even if personally, I am not to her particular tastes.
I think guys generally cop a bad rap when it coms to dealing with women who have come from broken relationships or a bad experience; and that can be understood to some degree. Whilst there may be significant truth in some of the observations being made on specific individuals, we all tend to get tarred with the same brush; especially on RSVP which is basically a sight where both guys and girls (in overwhelming numbers) come from the demographic of broken relationships - what chance then for all of us?
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at January 6, 2008 12:35 PM
femalepersuasion.
excellent excellent. that's one to copy and paste and keep. thank you
and mstingle. your words today at 12.12pm - so good. and that's what makes us who we are - to have our heart ripped to shreds, melodramatic or whatever, but to get back out there again and again and risk it. Resilience and belief in ourselves. With some horrible self-destructive stuff in between, but we do it.
So all these disillusioned people, men and women, just keep getting back on the horse and there'll be one there who doesn't kick you off.
and riversong - there's a lot of guys who pursue like crazy, and then cool it, for their own fear or whatever. Women do this too. Like the idea but the reality is too scary?
Posted by: today122 at January 6, 2008 12:34 PM
In light of the personal stories discussed on the blogs recently and the excellent advice given in response by both male and female, I offer the following in a spirit of continuing goodwill .
Walking through a bookstore recently I saw a large poster exclaiming MEN ARE FROM EARTH, WOMEN ARE FROM EARTH- SO GET OVER IT.
With this simple truth in mind, the following criteria applies whether you are male or female
QUALITIES TO LOOK FOR IN A MATE
===============================
The key to choosing the right partner is to look for a person with good CHARACTER, not simply a good PERSONALITY.
Most of us become initially attracted to a mate because of something about their personality ( they make you laugh, her femininity, his interest in cycling etc) and whilst these traits are enjoyable, they are not what is going to determine whether your relationship will truly make you happy. For that you have to look for character as this determines how a person will treat themselves, you and your children. It is the FOUNDATION of any healthy partnership. Emphasis on HEALTHY.
Whether you are single, married or in between, understanding about these characteristics will help you determine how successful your relationship can be by determining how READY your partner is to be in a loving relationship.
Instead of ONLY asking yourself the question ‘Does my partner love me?’ or when on a date , ‘ Does this date like me?’
You need to ask
‘How capable is my partner of loving, period?’
Or
‘Do I like this date and do they appear to be ready for a relationship’
1. Commitment to personal growth - Essential for navigating a relationship over time and handling conflict that arises sooner or later. Only when you are BOTH committed to learning will your relationship become an adventure in personal growth, rather than a power struggle between two people, each trying to be right and make the other wrong. There is no way any relationship can work if one partner refuses to seek help when necessary. Finding this out in the beginning will prevent you from getting involved in relationships that don’t have a chance of working out from the get-go.
2. Emotional openness-an intimate relationship is not based on sharing a home, a bed or a bathroom. It’s based on sharing FEELINGS. This means your mate:
• has feelings
• knows what he/she is feeling
• chooses to share those feelings
• knows how to express those feelings to you
• if your date/partner can’t identify and share their feelings with you, they are not ready to be in an intimate relationship.
3.Integrity- finding a partner with integrity means seeking
* someone who is honest with themselves
* someone who is honest with others
* someone who is honest with you
Look for a partner who is upfront about how they feel and what he/she wants. Someone whose actions match his or her words.
4.High Self-Esteem- A partner can only love you as much as they love themselves, so a person with low self- esteem loves in order to FEEL good about themselves. Whereas a person with high self-esteem loves BECAUSE he/she feels good about themselves
The more you love yourself, the harder it will be for you to abuse yourself physically or emotionally.
The more you love yourself, the less you’ll allow others to mistreat you. If you easily view yourself as the victim and blame others for your relationship situations you need to own your part in it.
5. Positive attitude to life- love is a positive energy so it starves in an atmosphere of negativity. That is why it is important to find a partner who has a positive attitude. You will be able to tell by only spending a little time with someone if they are:
NEGATIVE
• always focus on problems & resist solutions
• always find something or someone to complain about
• allow fear & worry to rule them
• are cynical & pessimistic about the future
• don’t trust easily
POSITIVE
• always focus on solutions
• turn obstacles into opportunities and adversity into lessons
• trust in their ability to make a difference
• believe that things can always get better
• use their vision to change their reality.
When relationships falter, it is often easier to blame the other party when often the healthier option is to look within and own our part in someone wanting to distance themselves from us. Lessons will be repeated until they are learned.
If someone doesn’t want to be with you, respect their wishes. Let them go, let them be… give them the space they ask for without defensiveness. Leave the door open but get on with your life. Never try and convince anyone to be with you…A good question to ask yourself is why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you anyway?
This has been a long post, but one I thought worth addressing in detail.
Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 6, 2008 12:24 PM
seraphsuzie at January 5, 2008 10:49 PM
I am sorry that you are feeling this way. I have had my heart ripped out in the past as many men and women have. Also failed relationships after which I have been convinced that I really didn’t think that I could fall in love or have undenyably strong feelings for anyone again. So I think maybe I just have to find someone where I enjoy their company and the sex is at least good. However it appears that maybe I am capable of falling for someone again because, I haven’t met anyone yet, early days on RSVP but I am having email contact with a few men at the moment and I feel a little excited at the prospect of actually meeting up with someone. On one hand I am relieved to find that my heart has not died and is capable of feelings and the possibility of falling in love again. Then on the other it is quite scary thinking ohh I still have a tender heart and in that case it is vulnerable to being crushed again. However I have a chioce I either become celebate or take the chance like the rest of you and go for it. I also am aware that it may take a number of meeting to actually meet someone that I want to spend time with and they with me. Hopefully meeting some men will not be long because I will be back at uni and then will be hidden profile till the next holiday’s. Anyway I just wanted to you to know as others have, that what you are going through is very understood. May be this is a good thing because if you wasted anymore time on a drop kick you would not be available for the one that is going to make your heart sing.
imanenigma at January 5, 2008 11:55 PM
Strong words and maybe a little too strong for Suzie at the moment (of course I can’t talk for her, only she knows how she is really feeling) However it is so true IMA.
ninaschen at January 6, 2008 12:02 AM
I agree it is nice to have these guy’s on the blog, very much apprieciated.
notgodsgift at January 6, 2008 12:06 AM
I am not saying this to be rude but you say so many times about how you continue to fail and that you can’t win. We have all made mistakes and we may mention them as they happen because we are trying to sort things out in our head. However ii need to say I know you can’t forget what went wrong for you in the past but put it down to experience and move on. If you keep on saying it didn’t work out before and you can’t win constantly, then you will carry that attitude with you when you do meet females it will fail. Concentrate on your abilities and not what you can’t do and hopefully in time the right woman will come along and say “hey, where have you been all my life, who could ever resist you”. If you look for faults you will find them.
archerrising at January 6, 2008 12:16 AM
Surely what is on the blogs is only a fraction of what goes on good or bad. Speed dating may be a quick way to get a date but it would still not guarantee you success, nothing does. I suppose the thing would be to not put all your eggs in one basket and if you can afford to try all the single, what evers.
woodnwine at January 6, 2008 1:36 AM
I hear you.
Posted by: mstingle at January 6, 2008 12:12 PM
Hey all! I do tend to agree with riversong on this one. No one has to behave different, just accept we all are, and react in different ways. No right or wrong just different. Be yourself by all means suzie,for that is who you are! Just be prepared that you may scare some guys off, as thats how they are.They may also lose great girls for that same reason! Like life its all about finding a balance. Thems my thoughts.
Posted by: imanenigma at January 6, 2008 12:05 PM
riversong and seraphsuzie
All we can ever do is be ourselves. Some people are more emotionally intense than others but if that is`who they are then they shouldnt have to behave differently so as not to "confuse" other adults they meet.
In your case Suzie, I have to say, given what you have told us, that it seems he is not the same honest and genuine person that you are. If he was really genuinely interested in a relationship with you , then your emotional "heart on my sleeve" personality wouldnt have freaked him out at all.
And riversong, this disillusioned corner is going to get very crowded I think !! With men and women n!!
Posted by: jenjen57 at January 6, 2008 11:35 AM
No this was definitely not my fault.. Since when is telling someone you miss them after you have spent 3 glorious days and nights together.. and telling them you care about them scary??? Give me a break.. if a man cannot handle good old fashioned affection and feeling then sorry but he ain't the one for me. And yes he told me he found it hard to handle that kind of thing.. but if you read his profile you would see that he actually states he wants a woman to bring those emotions out that a man finds hard to and he reiterated that with me. I will never apologise nor change who I am.. if I like someone I am going to tell them.. You know life is too short not too..
Posted by: seraphsuzie at January 6, 2008 11:34 AM
Seraphsuzie, just a thought, but perhaps you might have come on too strong too quick and freaked him out.(Generalisiation) but many men find it difficult to handle emotional intensity - double that if with a virtual stranger.
On-line dallying is not the same as staring a stranger in the face. The reality of that can crumble the illusion.
I'm not trying to shift "blame" for him fleeing, but it helps people control our lives if we accept responsibility for what (and who) we get ourselves into.
There are a lot of guys in here who pursue like crazy, but when actually faced with the possibility of a relationship, get all "confused" and realise that's not what they want at all!
I'm less and less sure about the whole on-line dating thing - join Ninachen and the others in that crowded disillusioned corner!
Posted by: riversong1 at January 6, 2008 11:25 AM
Thank you ninaschen, I would appreciate it. Three weeks, well done !!! Quitting smoking is my number one resolution for the New Year :)
Posted by: jenjen57 at January 6, 2008 11:16 AM
Today122- No need to, its all cool. Dont wish to be taken out of context , I was getting a tad miffed with some of the less than polite and genuine women bashing bloggers on here. I had this idealistic notion that the new year may bring a change in peoples attitude, silly me. They can learn the hard way!
Posted by: imanenigma at January 6, 2008 11:06 AM
JenJen - There is a new drug out on the PBS this year (I scored a sneak preview late last year). It is working for me so far - three smoke-free weeks now (with just a couple of minor slip-ups). I'm happy to pass on more details, if you like.
Posted by: ninaschen at January 6, 2008 11:05 AM
ok - I was taking it wider. And in no way am I saying that these "rules" were favoured by anyone here.
So - my humble apologies kind sir. NOT having a go.
Posted by: today122 at January 6, 2008 10:41 AM
@ today122- read back away to gain the right context. I'm talking the rules of karma etc nothing to do with john howard, beating women etc More about behaving , dare I say it "nicely" on the blogs or anywhere for that matter! Hey! I'm doing some people a favour! They can take it or leave it!.....at their own peril.
Posted by: imanenigma at January 6, 2008 10:38 AM
imanenigma - challenge the rules at our peril? philosophical for a sunday morning, but - who wrote these rules? And we'd still be in horse and buggy with women still beaten and trapped behind the white pickets, if the rules weren't challenged. That's a bit john howard for me
Posted by: today122 at January 6, 2008 10:22 AM
@ Jewels-" I for one, would not wish the pain of that experience on anyone!!!" neither would I!!! I doubt if there were many people who would!!!.....However feel free to re-read my post....AND....all of didgets!!! For an insight into how the universe works!!.....Dont challenge it for it will teach you! over and over until you learn!!....I dont make the rules, I just try to live and learn from em!!! Others can behave as they like, at their own peril!
Posted by: imanenigma at January 6, 2008 10:03 AM
Too many good things on here. Ninaschen, archerrising, and whoever else. We do learn a lot on here I think. So good to hear the male point of view, and you can just about see the shoulder shrugging and giving up of some men as they really have been so maligned over the last couple of decades. Genuine ones lumped in with the abusive and angst ridden ones, all trying to say but I'm ok, don't hold me responsible for all the vile men out there. Are the tables also turned? Do good women feel they have to make up for all the crazies? and apologise all the way? I think I spent my marriage trying to convince my husband I wasn't a ball breaker like his dear old (not) mum. Failed in the end, beaten and exhausted.
I always try to find people's redeeming features, respect until it would be harmful to me to continue, and analyse to the death.
I think we all need to rule lines under previous crud. Like SSC says - live for now. this is one minute we will never ever get back, and if it's spent dissecting the past and being scared of the future, then it's gone. buddhism - this too will pass.
And our dear friend digit or whoever he is today. Some of what you say does make a lot of sense. It's a shame it is couched in so much aggro and directed at individuals to ridicule.
have a good sunday everyone.
Posted by: today122 at January 6, 2008 9:50 AM
Living NOW and not having too many regrets about the past, thinking of the past as little as possible.(Once you have dealt with it) Also not being anxious/worried/obsessed about the future but focussing on the minute we live in...NOW. Works for me (mostly). Right now how is your life...do you have a problem right this second? A lot of our issues are about the past or future. My opinion only and am happy for people to disagree.
jenjen: to give up smoking I visualised the money each pack cost and then imagined that money x 52 weeks. (cigarettes = money wasted) Then picked out a goal, say a holiday somewhere, working out its cost. Everytime I felt like lighting up, I would think of the money that would go toward the trip. Or imagine how you would feel to light up the years worth of smoke money...picture the money and just setting it alight. You could find something that works for you.Heard it on the radio I think years ago. Is the quit smoking blog still going?
WnW I could not find any other topics open. Some were a while back. Who could be bothered looking at all.
NF I hope you enjoyed your beer in bed then.
To Ninaschen and others, time helps I believe and I find comfort in the karma idea too. Hang out with friends as much as possible and have a laugh and/or cry.
Going swimming and hope to see dolphins again :)) Once a week at least, great fitness plan so far. Twice last week. Huge walk on beach last night. Why did they close the fitness blog? It got a bit of brainstorming going. Enjoy your day bloggers and hope someone copies the blog so I don't miss the funny bits if they go ; ))))
PS We could all post our dating/life Resumes on here like didget, brave idea!!
S.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 6, 2008 9:33 AM
imanenigma, re didgets wives, I believe that the 3rd one passed away, now I for one, would not wish the pain of that expierience on anyone, ever!!!!
timewarp, you give really good advice!!!
didget, @12-06am, you also gave true advice when you said " As a man I can tell you the "not sure' statement means a number of things.
If he is not long out of another relationship than it is emotional,on the other hand if it has been a number of years than what he is saying to you is I think I can find somebody better and i don't want to hurt your feelings.
Now lets get to the nitty gritty if sex was involved than this is not an unusual reaction,women do it all the time to men.They lust after them,get them in the sack ,don't cum and then dump the guy.
Men do it as well, chase the woman, have sex with her,and you will note I am not saying making love,and then move on because they don't want to be confined to a relationship they dived into just for the physical aspect.""
I for one have experineced both types of dates, you are very perceptive when you are not pickin' on someone!!
Have a lovely day all...jewels
Posted by: junebaby57 at January 6, 2008 9:16 AM
Fotoman,
Can I once again express support for the unerring accuracy of your observations, especially the walk the cemetery bit and live for the moment for tomorrow you die.
There are a lot of women on these blogs and I’m not talking about the females, either.
Posted by: neuroticfish at January 6, 2008 7:56 AM
JENJEN: About quitting smoking -
I've only sucked a couple of smokes ever, both when half-drunk in my 20s and did absolutely nothing for me, but when I met my Ex. she was 19 and smoking 40 a day. Kents.
When we married, my salary only stretched to 30 a day, and I had to pay for our grog and petrol out of my equal pocket money.
House mortgage instead of flat rent took it down to 20 a day, then saving up for cot, nappies etc would have meant 10 a day. "Couldn't last on that" she said, and gave up smoking with the Last Pack method.
Label the last pack as such. Light smoke No 1 and take one big draw. Then blow through it to get the smoke out of the tobacco, then stub it out. Light it again when you must, for one more draw, and so on.
She was down to small draws by the last smoke, and by the last draw it was so foul she took a tiny suck, said "Yuck" and stubbed it out. It was her last pack. Might be worth a try.
Must sleep an hour till the laundromat opens, and have a siesta this arvo before hospital visit and tennis. ciao.
Posted by: timewarp1 at January 6, 2008 7:05 AM
Hi all! Been busy chasing the $$, and just read this blog through from the start.
Another parade of wide-open honesty, in spite of the return of the same peurile negative-attention-seeking sniper.
You're managing him better and better, but remember if you take his bait, you'll get pulled too, and we do want to hear YOU. (And him when he changes to positive, as he has a couple of times in this blog, and got the positive feedback he then deserved. A good idea doesn't care who has it ...
ABCKENNY:
On blogtopic, and back to the 60s: On both NYEs 1960 and 1961, I went to house parties at the homes of Brisbane student friends.
Just about everyone else had become too drunk and boring by about 11.30pm, except She-I'd-marry-in-1964 and myself, who were always a little less drunk, and still not at all boring. We thought.
So we'd drive to the Centenary Pool, climb over the back fence and hear the midnight motor horns faintly from the water. When the security guard came in about 1am and flashed his torch around, we were in the darkest corner of the pool with only nose and one eye visible, so he'd miss us.
When we got out of the water, I'd put on a different pure silk paisley shirt (for the new day) and take her home to her digs. I don't remember the NYDs - probably picked her up again at mid-morning and drove down to the Gold Coast for a surf.
This year I planned to spend NYE quietly at home, but got a phonecall about 6.30pm that my main poetry publisher was in hospital with an inoperable malignant brain tumour, and cabin fever. So I spent a few hours with her till they threw me out, ate a bit of sushi on the way home and got onto the 'net till about 2am as usual. And loafed for most of NYD.
JUNEBABY57 aT 8,20am 5th and Mr S.WOLF at 1.27am today - right on!
TODAY122 at 8.22am 5th: My ex-mother-in-law had a disrespectful saying "I'm rich; be nice." I totally agree that rich men have no right to control a woman, using their purse strings for reins, but when sales are down and my landlord reminds me that I'm behind with the rent, I sometimes think what a delightful pet I'd make for a rich widow ...
Just got up to make a coffee, and it's grey dawn outside.
S.SUSIE:
I disagree with imanenigma. I believe it's about authenticity, crossed with assertiveness.
Men typically take 3 or 4 times as long as their dates to commit to what we called "going steady" 50 years ago. (A date at least once a week, including every Saturday night, and not dating others. And usually a bit of hanky-panky fairly soon.)
So once you've made your choice, don't look too keen. Always be unavailable if he asks for a date with less than 2 or 3 days' notice, and be unavailable anyway, when he asks you for date No 4. "Treat 'em mean and keep 'em keen." But be nice when with him, of course. You've got to be worth the effort.
Compromise. Wait longer than you want to, before you have THE TALK. I've seen 8 or 9 dates suggested. And then if he says he's feeling pressured, don't be a wimp and just let it (and him) slide.
Be assertive and tell it like it is. Say you're ready to go steady with him, but if he isn't, you'll go look for someone else who is.
And see the look of intense relief on his face that tells you to cross him permanently off your shopping list. Unless he later asks you to put him back on.
WHAT DO MEN WANT?
Not what was suggested yesterday - just that you arrive naked and bring food, AND BEER. (some Temperance type had censored that bit out, after I saw it on email and before you did.)
I believe that every man really wants something unique, although there will be a lot of characteristics that appear in most lists.
How to guess what they are for a certain man? Look at his profile's Perfect Partner profile. Then read the rest of his profile and see how articulate he is and how authentic he sounds. From that, guess what else he wants, and also what he says he wants, but either doesn't really want, or wants and doesn't deserve, eg. frogs asking for princesses.
What do I personally want? I've taken hours to try to say it exactly in my profile. Good place to look first, but read my blog posts for more clues.
A sunny sunrise for the first time in a fortnight! Must go wash clothes. Seeyez all.
Posted by: timewarp1 at January 6, 2008 6:36 AM
hey WnW I don't think anyone was apportioning blame.Just sympathising a little having been there.It's hard enough finding that one in ten thousand on here that you are sure is 'THE ONE' only to find out later that you aren't their 'ONE'
Posted by: abckenny at January 6, 2008 1:44 AM
I think that a large portion of long term non daters have insecurity issues - they dont really like themselves. They want someone to like them, alot, so they can start to feel their self confidence again. The new partner feels their neediness and sets sail.
That crushes the first persons already withered ego, and the cycle begins anew.
Posted by: mrsteppenwolf at January 6, 2008 1:27 AM
See what I mean?
Posted by: woodnwine at January 6, 2008 1:36 AM
Hey guys - don't judge too harshly without all the facts as you often only hear one side of the story. I am not perfect therefore why assume things are not my fault. I try my best but in the end that is all I can do, I don't recall ever blaming anyone else for anything.
Posted by: woodnwine at January 6, 2008 1:32 AM
I think that a large portion of long term non daters have insecurity issues - they dont really like themselves. They want someone to like them, alot, so they can start to feel their self confidence again. The new partner feels their neediness and sets sail.
That crushes the first persons already withered ego, and the cycle begins anew.
If your the person you really like to around , then you wont need the ego reinforcement from them, at least not so often, and you wont say all those silly compliments guys think they have to make convince th girl their a nice guy (its a dead giveaway that you dont value yourself very highly, or as highly as them)
Posted by: mrsteppenwolf at January 6, 2008 1:27 AM
Sorry Digit it couldn't have been me. You obviously didn't read my profile.I don't date anyone who looks older than my mum
Posted by: abckenny at January 6, 2008 1:17 AM
A very impressive list indeed! But the most telling thing about you and why you behave as you do is.... married 3 times, divorced Twice (that explains much!) What it doesnt explain is number 3? Ah, but that explains the rest-karma! life can be a cruel teacher! Others should not have to pay the price, so that we learn! Some people never learn and remain bitter and twisted!-savvy?
Posted by: imanenigma at January 6, 2008 1:05 AM
man you just gotta get out more!
Posted by: didget at January 6, 2008 12:42 AM
I agree that if you want to get better at dating then you do need to get out more - one date a year is just not going to cut it folks !
A good saying to remember is, if you dont feel good about yourself, then no one else will.
When you think about yourself - out on a date - are you the type of person you would really be excited to out on a date with ?
Be the person that you would mmost like to be around - and others will flock to be round you too.
Gnight
BTW - the SYD festival opened last night in the domain . Paul kelly rocked it, but Brian Wilson was abit naff . The youngster were leaving in droves half way through his set ...
Posted by: mrsteppenwolf at January 6, 2008 1:05 AM
abckenny
True, that is the best thing, to get out there with no expectations. I am naturally usually optimistic and positive, just suffering from a recent disappointment and blow to my self esteem :(
Posted by: jenjen57 at January 6, 2008 1:04 AM
Posted by: notgodsgift at January 6, 2008 12:52 AM
well Bob, you seem like the "nice" guy. Looking for a replacement word for nice, decent I suppose. Not insipid surely. I have changed how I do things. Instead of endless emails, I am now meeting people quickly. If you are happy with the way you are on dates ect I guess it is a waiting game then, until the right one comes along. Being yourself is important.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 6, 2008 12:58 AM
jenjen I'm convinced the best thing is to go out there without any expectations at all.That way you won't be disappointed.
Posted by: abckenny at January 6, 2008 12:58 AM
I really appreciate the support I get here and the support offered to others. You're a cool bunch! And like NotGodsGift alluded, do the best with what you've got. Someone out there will treasure the effort.
Posted by: ninaschen at January 6, 2008 12:54 AM
HI Archerrising,
Dont give up on RSVP, there are plenty of decent guys out therebut, like everything worth finding, you just have to work at it a bit. I haven't tried speed dating, cant get to know someone in 5 minutes.
I always wanted to try that Table of 8 concept myself, but have been told they decide with whom you are seated so you cant move around different groups of people...that sucks!!
SSC,
I am not perfect and have been a frog before, not for any ulterior motives but because I couldn't live up to an expecation that I might have conveyed. Not a good feeling to have disappointed someone when you had no intention of doing so.
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at January 6, 2008 12:52 AM
if you go out there expecting the worst, you will find it one way or the other Posted by: notgodsgift at January 6, 2008 12:33 AM
I guess thats what all the angst is about because, on the contrary, we go out hoping for and wanting the best, and the worst seems to find us anyway, despite our best intentions. I dont know, maybe I need a dating detox.........take some time out for a while :(
Posted by: jenjen57 at January 6, 2008 12:50 AM
didget for all your meanness.. I agree with what you said.. and also you enigma.. thanks.. good to get a male perspective.. and I don't hate men... just the losers.. hehe ;-)
Posted by: seraphsuzie at January 6, 2008 12:48 AM
Posted by: didget at January 5, 2008 11:33 PM
OK, well sorry then, and I laugh at my self very often BTW. Laughter is good. We could do with more laughter on the blog in fact.
today122, in a nutshell I think Chopra basically writes that we have all our potential within us. Only read one book, just what I found in the public library. Guess it was about believing in yourself and thinking outside the square. Expect the unexpected kinda.
ninaschen, jenjen, seraphsuzie, aliane, G & C sounds like you all need a night out on the town as per seraphsuzies idea!!! Hope you ladies feel better soon, its not you, remember.
notgodsgift you are so not a frog. WnW is a nice guy and it will be just a matter of time before he meets his lady surely and ditto for yourself.
"I lied about being the outdoor type" was my ex's theme song...sorry, I am over it, but that is funny archerrising. I look forward to the musical.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 6, 2008 12:35 AM
Hi Ninaschen,
A lot of this is sad stuff because if you go out there expecting the worst, you will find it one way or the other. We do our best with what we have and that is all we can do.
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at January 6, 2008 12:33 AM
Yikes! Maybe I should get the heck off here then. I haven't yet had a bad experience on rsvp, but that's largely because I haven't really had *any* experience on here. I have several reservations about online dating as anyone who has read my profile will know. And what you seem to be alluding to Bob, is that it's much worse than I have even imagined.
A few days ago on the Relationship Matters blog, I was talking about whether speed dating might have an advantage over online dating because of the relatively greater investment involved. I don't know if you participated in that discussion Bob, or whether you've ever done it, but I am leaning towards that sort of thing (and away from rsvp) because of the things I am learning on the blogs.
Posted by: archerrising at January 6, 2008 12:16 AM
Didget, you gotta be kidding, eh? come to the hunter valley? next you will be saying you are good with fotography and buy your cars from klosters! I may be single and spent new years eve alone, not very tall and shave my head as I am balding yet when I read your posts and the constant name changing and being nasty just for ANY attention, I think to myself, I'm doin fine and dandy compared to some people! Man, you got issues!
Posted by: imanenigma at January 6, 2008 12:12 AM
Archerrising,
Its not about reassuring the bloggers that they are "nice" guys, all guys know the score on RSVP...if you read the profiles it is very obvious. Every date I have had from RSVP says the same thing...been hurt...sick of the players.
We all know this when we meet women here, some use it to their advantage, others understand and try to do the right thing...either way, we lose out.
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at January 6, 2008 12:06 AM
NotGodsGift – Yep. The blogs are educational, aren’t they? I really get a lot out of hearing the views of the guys such as yourself, Jovial, ImAnEnigma, WnW etc. I grew up with little exposure to the male point of view (no brothers, cousins etc) so I really appreciate the input I get here. By the way, though feeling a little (well, very) disappointed with a particular male at the moment, I am not now, nor ever have, tarred all men with the same brush. I remain Pollyannaish in my outlook and will always treat people with respect until such time as they prove beyond doubt that they don’t deserve it.
Posted by: ninaschen at January 6, 2008 12:02 AM
archerrising. a dear friend of mine is writing a book with perfume themes. as odd :) as a life story set to old songs. now - Only Women Bleed? Yesterday? or maybe Girls just want to have fun? Living in a material world? and the all time classic - I Will Survive?
Posted by: today122 at January 6, 2008 12:01 AM
I'm not sure just how walking through a cemetary is going to change my attitude to this whole man/woman problem....Sure some people died early, but there are a whole lot that lived ripe old lives and were they any happier than we are?? Who knows. Not sure why you mention the sports reporter....cause of death is yet to be revealed....I doubt he died of a broken heart...none of us will....but that doesn't stop the hurt when we've been used, abused or played....man or woman.
The best advice tonight was "just be yourself"....if you can't do that with some amount of conviction, then most relationships you embark on are destined to fail because you spend far too much time trying to be someone you are not....you simply can't keep at that.....
Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 5, 2008 11:58 PM
Is it safe to come in here? ........My advice suzie is to save your pride! Dont send any more emails or you may become another one of those "crazies" who cant handle being rejected or in this case not even being told straight how he feels! But you know!Dont you? He has said it quite clearly by not saying anything, you have read the book. If he wants you he WILL pursue you! Chasing him looks desperate, sending emails/tx's and giving him both barrels looks just plain nasty. Hey its dating , you live by the sword, you die by the sword or sometimes you kick, sometimes you get kicked! In affairs of the heart when things dont work out someone ends up getting hurt. When the right person comes along we soon forget the pain of the past! Forward people, we can only look forward and learn!!!!
Posted by: imanenigma at January 5, 2008 11:55 PM
Didget,
Correct me if I am wrong but didn't you start life in this current alias as a woman?
By the way, how does continually blogging under multiple guises possibly make you genuine....if you had faith in your convictions you would blog under one name, show your real profile and take the good with the bad.
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at January 5, 2008 11:53 PM
today122 - me too. I sort of wish I didn't cos it was the catch cry of my ex. He'd sing it, or refer to it, and then want me to console him and say it was okay. But it wasn't!
There is a song by Cake called "Never There" which I told him I found appropriate and he acted all insulted, although it was true for me.
One day when I have nothing to do, I'll try to write my life story as a musical with songs that are already out there, lol. I reckon it can be done.
Posted by: archerrising at January 5, 2008 11:51 PM
notgodsgift - haven't we made every effort to distinguish the male bloggers from the types of men we've been bagging? Why would you want to put yourself in a category with those kinds of men? As far as I'm aware from the blogs, WnW doesn't have a problem with "women" - he just had an unpleasant experience with *one* woman.
It's admirable that you let the woman have control of the dating situation but it won't always work for you - some women *will* find it weak and insipid. That may be because they want a man who will take control of the situation. It seems to me that Suzie hit the nail on the head earlier when she said she could only be herself. I think you guys need to do the same. Don't give the woman control of the dating situation unless that's what you want to do. If you feel a spark with someone, act on it, or how will she know? If it's unwelcome, que sera sera, move on to the next person. Trying to second guess what the other person will like reveals our own insecurities about who we are and our need to be loved. But if we are behaving in the way we think the other person will like, rather than the way we really are, we don't have much hope for an authentic relationship.
Does anyone remember the Lemonheads song with the line (maybe even the title) "I lied about being the outdoor type"? Just goes to show we've all done it. But I think it usually ends in tears.
Posted by: archerrising at January 5, 2008 11:46 PM
Didget, which profile is unhidden? just had a peek, not there.
notgodsgift, just be yourself, you don't present as a frog.
Suzie a night on the town has great medicinal products......trust me I am a nurse and know these things.....have done extensive research on the subject he he he
Posted by: dolphin46 at January 5, 2008 11:44 PM
Bob - everyone can only be them and if women are as intuitive as we're supposed to be we can tell if someone isn't being themselves. I really don't think it's a matter of portraying yourself in a certain way because of the not so nice men out there. Everyone surely is looking for someone refreshingly honest and genuine and themselves. The worst ones are those who portray themselves as nice and honest, only to reveal themselves for their not niceness later on down the track. And that applies equally to men and women. Not all men are bad and not all women are wonderful.
Posted by: today122 at January 5, 2008 11:43 PM
and yes both genders do this.
Cruel to be kind? no. cruel is just cruel.
and - no email, m'dear. Don't let him see what he's doing, don't give him any more.
Posted by: today122 at January 5, 2008 11:38 PM
Hi SS,
Not trying to make a judgement on your situation; I am not in a position to do that. What I am saying is that expectation can be an unconscious thing.
Girls,
Reading some of the blogs tonight; we guys cant win. If we are "nice" we are insipid or have another agenda. WnW seems like a genuine "nice" guy and some of you girls know him well, so whats his problem with women?
I approach dates with the attitude that I let the woman have control of the situation; why....because I read these blogs and know that you experience every type of weirdo on earth. Does that then make me weak and insipid or caring and understanding...what I am saying is "how do I win"...either way I lose.
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at January 5, 2008 11:36 PM
Suzie..if he is sending text messages for that type of thing then he is showing you his true colours....let him suffer his losses...I'd not bother even emailing him. If he is unsure how he feels, then he can always work that out and let you know, but don't wait around for him. Be thankful that you have not invested months and months in the relationship....still hurts but that'd have hurt even more.
Onward and upward.....
Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 5, 2008 11:31 PM
Posted by: notgodsgift at January 5, 2008 10:59 PM
Men aren't dumb Bob and some of the ladies feel a bit sensitive/hurt/bewildered by a few guys behaviour. We do not think all men are the same, but when a guy suddenly withdrawing their interest it is confusing. There has been some good interaction on the blog earlier, with different views.
Posted by: archerrising at January 5, 2008 10:45 PM
"Unfortunately, guys are too terrified to ever directly tell a woman 'you're not the one'. But their actions absolutely show how they feel."
Is it easier for women to express how they feel? Some men are communicative. Not all women are honest either and there must be some women who are players/users. Someone posted a long time ago that guys sometimes do not give a relationshiop enough time. The love process is different for them. The sort of experience described by seraphsuzie and jenjen has probably happened to men also.
notgodsgift: women do possibly overanalyse things but we do not know what else to do maybe? I read Deepak Chopra etc and it helps me, but that is not for everyone.
About 4pm I made a negative post, as the whole thing was getting too much, the man + woman question...apologies for that.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 5, 2008 11:25 PM
Thanks guys for the s upport... I know what has to be done.. and am going to do it tonight.. seeing as he thought it was ok to tell me how he felt by text message... and treat me like that by text message.. I am going to write an email.. He doesn't deserve to hear my gorgeous voice again!! hehe ;-)
Posted by: seraphsuzie at January 5, 2008 11:24 PM
And yet ... maybe it isn't a gender issue after all. Have a look back over this blog - isn't WnW going through the same thing and for a similar reason? Perhaps people of either gender who aren't ready for a relationship, or the next stage or whatever, aren't brave enough or lack the integrity to own up to that part of themselves. Instead they say, or imply, that the other person has done something wrong. Hence, Suzie is told she "over analyses" and makes him "feel pressured". Hey buddy, how about telling the truth and just saying you're scared or feel vulnerable? Why make Suze feel bad? Same thing for WnW. I don't know whether his date said anything to him or not but the implication is that WnW did something.
What you guys need to know is that it's not about you - it's about the other person. And although it might be hard to realise because you've already made an emotional investment, is that you don't want to be with a person who is so emotionally immature as to project their issues onto you.
Posted by: archerrising at January 5, 2008 11:22 PM
Blog now closed; thank you for your comments!
Posted by: rsvpproducttest at January 10, 2008 11:16 AM