RSVP Blog

Blog now closed; thank you for your comments!

Posted by: rsvpproducttest at January 10, 2008 11:16 AM

timewarp1, I worked till 5pm then went to a birthday bash for a uni pal and have not been long home. Read the blog and am too tired for any of my correspondence. Terrible. The workplace does not have internet access for me, a phone but no net...so have to get used to no email access etc (or blog access) in the day.
I was staying off this blog as I wanted to focus on the future instead of thinking of a New Years Eve when I was 19 which did not turn out for the best. Hope the tennis went well and how is the rib? Goodnight.

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 10, 2008 1:25 AM

Hi all/whoever hasn't already moved away to the next blog yet. Now teatime, and I'm the only post today. Lonely without a crowd.

It's a pity. This blog has been filled with so much more-frequent honest authentic self-revelation than the previous ones I've read. Reminds me of T-groups in the 70s.

And heaps of giggles, to carry us across the pathos.

A couple of comments before I zoom off to tennis:

FemPersuasion:

Gobsmacked by the excellence of your post at 12.24pm 6th. Read like a textbook. But by your 2.52 post you seem to have somewhat mellowed - much more fun - what did you have for lunch?

MSTINGLE: Always impressed with your posts - some beauties here.

JENJEN, 6.11pm 6th: I'm a Sag, and was delighted with your total accuracy, up to the word "love".

Then it suddenly didget negative. I wonder if you hadgot tired at that point, and had an aggro ghost-writer finish it off for you?

JENJEN again, 10.55pm 6th: Well, aren't you the dark filly?

Everybody rubbishes me for being a tryhard, because I've averaged just under 2 RSVP first dates a week for the last 2 years. Now I see you posting the same batting average, and for a much longer period! (10,000 in 100 years = 100 a year.) Goodonyer gal!

Where are my sandshoes? Will look at the better profiles blog tomorrow night. Seeya there.

Posted by: timewarp1 at January 8, 2008 7:43 PM

RSVP....why did you deleted those Chinese Horoscope, this are very interesting post. It's represent inner personality of people. Nothing inappropriate conducted offensive comments. It is just a guidelines who we are compatible.
Please Back-up ..Thanks.

Posted by: aliane at January 7, 2008 12:34 PM

My most compatible matches are capricorn, taurus, cancer or scorpio. Hands up boys !!

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 7, 2008 12:17 PM

Dear RSVP
One day could we have the blog topic of the different astrologies? Chinese, the Zodiac one we are used to in the West etc. (Hindu astrology..called something else, cant remember, is interesting etc) Seems there is a bit of interest in it as it relates to compatibility. Of course it is not everyone's cup of tea....

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 7, 2008 7:34 PM

I have just invented the self wiping blog and am off to the patents office immediately

I’ve called it the Bidet Blog With Added Fluoride and Mint Flavour.

Can use on teeth, can double as an ass wipe; and even better, gives you that nice colgate smile to your face as you see your blog mysteriously disappear from view.

Posted by: neuroticfish at January 7, 2008 3:23 PM

aliane

The brooming of the blog is very subjective unfortunately........and chit chat is deemed not interesting/not on topic.

We have a new blog now where we can discuss the creating of a winning profile :)
I might reinvent mine !!

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 7, 2008 12:43 PM

With regard to differing zodiac signs,the compatible or incompatible vibrations between persons plays a major role in the romantic road of love. It governs human relationships and the mysteries involved. It tells us whether a relationship is worth working at and how to get the best out of it. APPARENTLY !!!

I am a Virgo..........
Virgoans seem to sit on the fence looking backward with confidence and at the same time displaying a certain timidity in moving forward.Virgoan subjects are happy to remain in the background, employing their organizational skills to help those with extrovert talents.Virgos are practical, sensible, logical, and clever.They can make mountains out of molehills in both a positive and negative context .Virgos are renowned for their fussy, worrying, critical natures-traits which can be very irritating to other signs.They are perfectionists who need to have everything just right. No sign is more critical or more demanding of itself than Virgo.Fussiness, which borders on obsession at times, is apparent with most Virgoans.
Hmmmmmm, doesnt even sound appealing to me :(

My most compatible matches are capricorn, taurus, cancer or scorpio. Hands up boys !!

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 7, 2008 12:17 PM

Have any of you made an New Years resolutions and if so what are they?

Posted by: toadkisser at January 6, 2008 3:13 PM

! have fun (laugh more)
2 be relaxed
3 swim more
4 forgot the rest
how about you toadkisser, did u make any resolutions?

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 6, 2008 11:44 PM

Aliane - I also recall that dreams of death or similar tragedy are meant to symbolise the end of something, not of a life, but of a sad or harmful time.
sometimes I think we need to take care with these interpretations, they can cause a deal of grief and anxiety too I think

Posted by: today122 at January 6, 2008 11:10 PM

how many toads do we really have to kiss??? yuk yuk. and how would you remember which was which after 10,000 anyway?
my thing about the naked, beer and food was - oh, too hard to explain. but we've all been single for quite a while it would seem, and beer and food are here already.......getting more tragic by the minute.
and I bet gordie and bezza are doing just fun. unless you've given her your ironing as well, misswendy!!

Posted by: today122 at January 6, 2008 11:06 PM

This is in reply to comment on dreams... As a member before me replied, i too believe that dreams are linked/bonded closely to all that is me! Perception or imagination is an incredibly powerful force, one which drives my life. Like the words we use Dreams describe who we are or what we want with the obvious difference that words are a conscious communication. My opinion on the subject is this, i am always dreaming night and day. The dream i dream in the day is one i have either been taught by others ie Law, Trends, Tradition etc or one i have been taught by myself ie my experiences or a combination of the two. Either way it is my beliefs i choose today that define who i am today both whilst awake and sleeping. It is those beliefs that will drive my life irrespecive of visions or feelings. The question was posed can our dreams communicate to us? My Answer - Whatever the vision, how did it feel? Deep down you know wether it was a good or bad memory or a nice fantasy or a fear or something you have needed to get an answer to! Trust your feelings! Peace out...

Posted by: michael1j at January 6, 2008 11:03 PM

aliane.............I think with dreams the images we get represent other things and should not be interpreted as we see them. There are web sites out there that can help you interpret what they might mean. For example the image of a baby does not necessarily mean a baby but a new beginning, and the fact that you were locked in a house , that there is something holding you back from the new, whatever it is.
Don't be frightened :)

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 6, 2008 11:01 PM

ODE say its a numbers thing.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 6, 2008 10:28 PM

Thats all very well, but as I recall ODE was talking in numbers like 10,000. At that rate I'll be here for 100 years :(

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 6, 2008 10:55 PM

If you were naked first that might stop the relationship in it's tracks so maybe this is a new way of saying we have nothing in common and good luck.

Posted by: didget at January 6, 2008 8:17 PM

So now didget are you suggesting people have the first date naked, or post naked pics on their page? Hopefully there would not be too much in common if the people are opposite genders..if you look at what you wrote.
RSVP speed dating at a nudist colony, that will work ewwwwwwww

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 6, 2008 10:53 PM

Hey today122 I wonder how gordie and bezza went NYE maybe they had too many champers and lost each other in that overgrown field!! Or maybe there was a cougar lurking in the field.......

Posted by: misswendyxx at January 6, 2008 10:50 PM

Ode-can't remember ever saying I wouldn't go out with a younger man :) Your self inflicted Feb deadine is fast approaching. ( I have a very good memory)....try fastmail.fm
Its free and you can bounce emails as if your address no longer exists..your escape if you need it :)

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 6, 2008 7:28 PM

FP: isnt ODEs deadline January 9th? sure he could have a coffee with some bloggers at least. I offered to buy him drinks and play pool cos of some thing I said which was a backhanded compliment he mildly objected to...all explained. His profile says he does not drink booze. ODE are you sending kisses out then to the ladies who meet you criteria. I had coffee with a guy who had just sent 400 kisses out : ))))) The age limits I have posted are not set in stone either FP. Currently I am not looking but ODE should not be dateless and some bloggers must live near him.

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 6, 2008 10:48 PM

jenjen 57... this is the chorus from a Vonda Shepard songs... from Ali McBeal, this could be about cyber love, don't think we are tragic just patiently waiting... and waiting ... and waiting

'Cause I know he's out there somewhere
Just beyond my reach
Though I've never really touched him
Or ever heard him speak
Though we've never been together
We've never been apart

No we've never met
Haven't found him yet
But I know him by heart
No we've never met
Haven't found him yet
But I know him by heart

Posted by: eastofcbd at January 6, 2008 10:39 PM

yep misswendy - those books are only worth when they confirm what you think anyway. and what topic are we supposed to be writing on? oh now i remember - fitness or expensive dates or something?
and jenjen - that cyber world - how tragic are we???
mstingle - you can't pull down your profile when you go back to your study - what will we do without you?
and SSC - maybe toadkisser is right after all?

Posted by: today122 at January 6, 2008 10:38 PM

I'm less and less sure about the whole on-line dating thing - join Ninachen and the others in that crowded disillusioned corner!

Posted by: riversong1 at January 6, 2008 11:25 AM

Oh dear, I am relatively new to RSVP, despite this being second time around. Hang in there disillusioned bloggers, every one is not the same. timewarp and I think ODE say its a numbers thing. Maybe RSVP will do more speed dating events for RSVPers to go. Lots of visual feedback. >:D:D<

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 6, 2008 10:28 PM

Hahaha this is so funny....this blog seems like a free for all on any topic!! Are there any lurkers out there that might want to have their say?

"femalepersuasion.
excellent excellent. that's one to copy and paste and keep. thank you"

Posted by: today122 at January 6, 2008 12:34 PM

Today122 - If you are interested the book is called Are You The One for Me?
Knowing Who's Right & Avoiding Who's Wrong by Barbara De Angelis.

Personally I don't think those self help books actually help.....all they tell you is what you already know. Listen to your inner voice, intuition, conscious or instincts.....that's where the answer lies.

"A one way ticket doesn't seem like value to me, Dichet.....and why is misswendy getting the chocolates....and maybe the balloon ride?"

Posted by: istj54 at January 6, 2008 1:30 PM

Didget - I think you better give Istj54 the treat to the Hunter Valley. She appears most upset...after all she has been your loyal advocate.....she's always had your back. You can't buy that sort of loyalty can you? Now.....you might want to throw in the balloon ride too......I think that would be a nice touch.

Jenjen57 - Starsigns were hilarious....but I am not sure if I should be on a dating site with those credentials.....dating me could be deadly......I am a libran!!!

Posted by: misswendyxx at January 6, 2008 10:26 PM

The heat has really pushed me about to day after all the cool weather we have been having, I am going to bed were the only rooom that has air conditioning is my bedroom. Good night Jen and anyone else about.

Posted by: mstingle at January 6, 2008 10:24 PM

Here's my recipe for New Year's Eve. Take a spoonful of lonely, dateless Saturday night misery. Add a glass of Valentine's Day humiliation. Stir in a double measure of hype, a pinch of hope and garnish with a generous sprinkling of unrealistic expectation. Simmer for 365 days.

Result: a flat souffle of disappointment and morning-after regret.

The irony is that we all know New Year's Eve never lives up to the hype. That guy we've had our eye on all year is not going to be suddenly inflamed with longing when he sees us in the slinky red dress we've just blown a month's wages on.

Our friends are not going to drink just enough to enjoy themselves, without going too far and ending up vomiting by the roadside as the taxi drives off in disgust. We will miss the last train. The night bus will go sailing past our stop just as the heavens open and it starts to rain.

Our boyfriend will mysteriously disappear at the same time as that blonde floozy he's only just been introduced to at the bar we've been dragged along to.

Come midnight, we'll be trapped in a rousing chorus of Auld Lang Syne with a dozen people we don't know, mumbling one line over and over because none of us can remember the rest of the words, and dodging the slobbery kisses of bald, sweaty men old enough to be our fathers.

It's as if we've collectively brainwashed ourselves to forget what happened last year. And the year before. And the year before that.

Next up - Valentines Day !!!!!

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 6, 2008 10:15 PM

Is this us ?? Tragic :))

CYBER LOVE

Is this real or in my dreams
My worlds unraveling at the seams
You have my heart now take my soul
This cyber love is what makes me whole

I can't believe what's happening to me
Your face so perfect that I've never seen
Your lips so soft I may never touch
I only feel the keyboard I clutch

I need you now I need you forever
In an electric world to be together
A surreal place that plays with the mind
In a cloned world of two of a kind

I consume your words they filter inside
No matter what I do I can't seem to hide
My trembling hands awaiting the rush
When I feel you near to resume this crush

You’re my everything my unyielding desire
the spark to the match before it lights fire
The angel within that whispers my name
Controlling the moves in this wicked game

This cyber love is why I awake
This cyber love is my only escape
The time has come I feel it in my spine
When I look toward the melancholy light and see you’re on-line.

(Thanks to the author)

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 6, 2008 10:07 PM

jenjen57 at January 6, 2008 8:44 PM

Very interesting!

Posted by: today122 at January 6, 2008 9:19 PM

Way to go girl, I just love that song thanks for the lyrics. I have sung that song many a time, in the past and cried my eyes out and danced up a storm, thank you.

toadkisser at January 6, 2008 9:29 PM

I don’t know but the best lover I had was born in a year of the pig.

aliane at January 6, 2008 9:37 PM

Yes, I believe in the theory that dreams hold the keys to our conscious self and that the answers lie within our subconscious, however it is better if the person themselves interpret the dreams themselves, rather than someone that could lead you astray with interpreting things in your dream, only your own mind would know why it has chosen certain things in your dreams to represent what they do. It would take an extremely skilled person not to interpret the dreams but to help you find the anwers for yourself without hindreing the process, of self discovery

Posted by: mstingle at January 6, 2008 10:07 PM

7 nights plus a bonus 2 nights if we book by the end of the week

$3,000

Wow!! send me for 2 weeks and 4 days.

Posted by: didget at January 6, 2008 3:34 PM

ha ha, is this for all the women on the blog and you, didget or just a select few? Can you send me to Macchu Piccu and the Inca trail instead? (by myself is fine :)

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 6, 2008 9:35 PM

Hi all,

I think I have dated some male praying mantis's. LOL

If I had a New Years resolution it will be to adopt 'I Will Survive' as my mantra for 2008. No more settling for 'you will do'. Not this little black duck.

PS: Did you know that pigs cannot look up. Must be from that lengthy orgasm. Does this apply to males who are born in year of the pig in the Chinese Zodiac???????????

Posted by: toadkisser at January 6, 2008 9:29 PM

I Will Survive Lyrics
» Gloria Gaynor
First I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side
But I spent so many nights
thinking how you did me wrong
I grew strong
I learned how to carry on
and so you're back
from outer space
I just walked in to find you here
with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed my stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second
you'd be back to bother me

Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
you think I'd crumble
you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive

It took all the strength I had
not to fall apart
kept trying hard to mend
the pieces of my broken heart
and I spent oh so many nights
just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
Now I hold my head up high
and you see me
somebody new
I'm not that chained up little person
still in love with you
and so you felt like dropping in
and just expect me to be free
now I'm saving all my loving
for someone who's loving me

Posted by: today122 at January 6, 2008 9:19 PM

Did You Know...

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Do not try this at home. Maybe at work.)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate
while its head is attached to its body.
The female initiates s#x by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes... lucky pig. Can you imagine??)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm........)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(OK, so that would be a good thing...............)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have s#x for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 6, 2008 8:44 PM

jenjen57 at January 6, 2008 6:12 PM

Yes that order seems about right, drinks first especially the first time, for a bit of dutch courage, naked second and food third after all it is quiet uncomfortable doing anything on a full stomach and if you work up a sweat during a lengthy session, then food will restore strength.

Posted by: mstingle at January 6, 2008 8:04 PM

Wishfulthinker,

Dont you love the way I smooth-talked you into saying that I was amazing....I didn't have to blow my own trumpet?!!!!!!!!! Just proves, empty vessels DO make the most sound, dont you agree?

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at January 6, 2008 7:59 PM

Okay let me clear this up. ISTJ - Didget was referring to WishfulThinker03 when he referred to having met before. Didget - ISTJ thought you meant her.

Didget - ISTJ suggests you be sent to Brisbane or Coventry (on your little R & R trip). I like the idea of Coventry. I doubt Brisbane would welcome you.

Posted by: ninaschen at January 6, 2008 7:54 PM

And I thought I had been very concerned and helpful...don't believe we have met either...and I'm not from Brisbane...but that might be where Ninaschen sends you...or is that Coventry?

Posted by: istj54 at January 6, 2008 7:45 PM

Ode-can't remember ever saying I wouldn't go out with a younger man :) Your self inflicted Feb deadine is fast approaching. ( I have a very good memory)....try fastmail.fm
Its free and you can bounce emails as if your address no longer exists..your escape if you need it :)

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 6, 2008 7:28 PM

Today122,

Not if you met me you wouldn't forego food and drink......plenty of drinks to make me look OK and plenty of food as an excuse that you are not in the mood....might get a cramp!!!

Wishfulthinker,

Why are you putting yourself into this category....I thought this was about us guys....all women are amazing!!!??

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at January 6, 2008 7:15 PM

Hilarious jenjen57.

Yes I am a a quick and intelligent thinker (translates to leaves most people (men) for dead in a conversation or debate. Not going to comment on the bisexual thing, definitely not me. Well I am on RSVP in terms of expecting too much for too little. I definitely not a cheap b******, I won't drink any champagne expect for Louis Roderer Vintage (expensive french). Mmmmm not going to comment on this as I am a notorious flirt at times (notorious for thriving on sleazy behaviour). I am still laughing - thanks jenjen57 again.

Posted by: toadkisser at January 6, 2008 7:13 PM

The possible destinations are sounding better and better, Today122. It seems we might need to go to a vote. Lucky you, Eric. All these people concerned about your R & R. Please, don't thank us. It is our pleasure.

Posted by: ninaschen at January 6, 2008 7:08 PM

Ninaschen - the Falklands. far enough away, difficult to get there from here, maybe target practice for someone who thinks the war's still on? not exciting or too cold, and probably nothing more recent than two tins with a string between.

Posted by: today122 at January 6, 2008 7:02 PM

Hi Wishfulthinker,

Naked first......we can drink the beer and eat the food later!!!

JenJen,

I feel ripped off....we Leos are much worse than that. I am pretty sure I wouldn't fall asleep during sex...but its been a while, so who knows and besides....30 seconds, give me a break!!!

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at January 6, 2008 6:30 PM

Dont forget to check compatibility with ,and horoscope of, prospective coffee dates........

Aquarius (Jan 23 - Feb 22) - You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a jerk.

Pisces (Feb 23 - Mar 22) - You are a pioneer type and think most people are morons. You are quick to reprimand, impatient, and full of advice. You do nothing but p***-off everyone you come in contact with. You are a p****.

Aries (Mar 23 - April 22) - You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dips**t.

Taurus (April 23 - May 22) - You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a communist.

Gemini (May 23 - June 22) - You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap b******. Geminis are notorious for thriving on sleazy behaviour.

Cancer (June 23 - July 22) - You are sympathetic and understanding of other people's problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a s**t. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.

Leo (July 23 - Aug 22) - You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving jerks and enjoy solo sex.

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22) - You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your s**t-picking attitude is sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep during sex.. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22) - You are the artistic type and have a difficult time dealing with reality. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are sl**s. All Libras die of venereal disease.

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22) - You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are the perfect son-of-a *****. Most Scorpios are murdered.

Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 22) - You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on your luck since you have no talent. You are a worthless piece of s**t.

Capricorn (Dec 23 - Jan 22) - You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chickens**t. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance.

Hehehe..........

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 6, 2008 6:11 PM

because istakarim you already had your invitation and backed down and besides she is younger,has young children,needs a break and needs to get out of the humdrum of living in Geelong.
if I had the money I would send you all on a holiday to Bora Bora.

Posted by: didget at January 6, 2008 2:31 PM

...seems like you have been sending us all to Bora Bora for some time now, Dichet...and without spending a penny at all...must be having a seniors moment trying to remember said invitation...but I have lots of those lately...and that's what they call those old blokes...sad seniors...or tom cats??

Posted by: istj54 at January 6, 2008 5:43 PM

Hi all,

I think I have to explain the nature of cougars. Did any of you see the Mark Philippoussis reality television show. I watched a couple of episodes and they categorised the 'older' women on the show as 'cougars'. These were gorgeous, beautiful women who were in their forties and looking very good both physically and emotionally. The 'young' woman were categorised as 'kittens'.

Posted by: toadkisser at January 6, 2008 4:12 PM

femalepersuasion at January 6, 2008 12:24 PM

Good post.

notgodsgift at January 6, 2008 12:35 PM

Yes, I notice comments sometimes from either a male or female and when they talk they don’t just say that is how it was with what ever relationship, they often as you say, tar all males or females with the same brush. May be it just means they are still in the process of working out what happened.

“what chance then for all of us?” Well I don’t know but I am not going to stop it from getting on, I will have my moments, as we all will but I will stop it from getting back on the horse.

jenjen57 at January 6, 2008 12:38 PM

nicely put Jenjen.

didget at January 6, 2008 1:20 PM

I don’t think that what ever blog topic that comes up is a problem really. As I have noticed that we end up talking about what are current issues for us anyway, which would occur not matter what topic RSVP decided to put on. We will talk about given topics which is good to come up with something to pull us away from current issues but we will always go back to what ever it is that we need to talk about regardles of whether you are male or female. Is this a bad thing, okay it is only my opinion but regardless whether we like what is brought up or not, we are here and we learn a lot from one another. I think it is better nutting out together whether we agree with each other or not, then doing it alone. After all we are all from past relationships, like it or not and we are all here to learn from one another and to move on to our next relationship.

jenjen57 at January 6, 2008 1:50 PM

Very good! 'what men want'. I want that too, so maybe other women do too.

Posted by: mstingle at January 6, 2008 4:11 PM

jenjen57. Your post form the Relationship Coach Letter.
This weeks episode of Sensual Secrets revolved around exotic dancers. Who they are and why they do what they do. Just about all were very well educated. One lady was working on her Phd while juggling her family.
The bottom line was that many of the dancers made more money per night by just talking to the clients. Your post expresses something that we[ myself included] fail to achieve. A good communication base.

Posted by: northern9 at January 6, 2008 3:54 PM

Hi all,

It took me two days to realise the other blog was closed and I have wandered into this one. LOL

I have never been one to go out on New Years as my former partner was adamant that it was bad thing to go out on New Years. I went to friends this year and it was great so for me I am going to do something every year even it involves having an 'open' house party with a bunch of strangers.

In terms of New Year resolutions, well, I don't smoke so that is one I don't have to commit to. I am carrying a few extra kilos. I figure they were there this time last year so I might as well accept them as a permanent fixture. I will not state that I am going to find a good man this year. I am trying the bored and nonchalant approach and hoping he will come and find me. Alternatively I can become a predator (read 'cougar' for all our US friends) and hunt down anything male and vaguely acceptable. I am trying a different approach to dating in 2008 and will keep you all informed. Have any of you made an New Years resolutions and if so what are they?

Posted by: toadkisser at January 6, 2008 3:13 PM

FP

Unfortunately I am disadvantaged because, while I am blonde, I am not tall !! However I do have some very sexy, very red and very high heels. I will wear them !! Have memorised the Appearance and Etiquette, will keep the `arm perpendicular if I HAVE to smoke, and look forward to giving it a trial run ASAP ;)

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 6, 2008 3:09 PM

For those of you ( I think its the guys that would appreciate some light relief in this blog!!!) I submit :

HOW TO PICK UP MEN
The Official Guidebook

(albeit its for the women,my perogative, but hey, I'm a woman !!)

Approach
========

Pick the one you want...then go get him. If it's dark or you're unsure of anything, don't be shy about viewing him at close range. Men understand that just because you're looking at them, it doesn't mean you're interested. It's normal procedure.

Appearance
=========

If at all possible be a tall blonde. If not, try being a buxom redhead. In special cases, you may try to be either buxom OR a redhead but it is not sufficient to be just blonde or just tall. Ultimately you should be a six foot redhead at least 10 yrs younger than your target. ( have no guilt about lying about age- everyone knows a woman can safely lie about 3 things- Age, weight & past sexual history) Try very hard at this.

• Hair - try to have as much hair as possible and flip it around as much as you can. This disorients the man you have chosen, renders him helpless, and as a bonus, keeps him at a safe distance.

• Clothing - Clothing is overrated. Try to avoid getting caught up in trends. People will tell you that you need to wear a coat when it rains and warm things sometimes, but you really don't need to listen to that kind of propaganda. Most people are inside a lot so a halter top is always appropriate. Try to find the smallest garment possible and then wiggle around in it a lot. If you should find yourself in a long skirt or evening gown or some other unhappy garment, try to make the most of it and make sure that it's tight or that you jiggle a lot.

• Shoes - Shoes, it should be noted, are not meant to be functional, but are rather mostly for decoration. Try and wear the highest heels possible. Red is the best. Try not to fall or anything, but if you are going to be sitting or even leaning against a wall most of the time, it's nothing you should worry about. If you do fall over, no biggie. These things happen.

Personality
• Charm - Try to have a lot of charm, especially if you aren't buxom, redheaded, or tall and blonde.
• Perkiness - Don't be perky. It's annoying, and a LOT of work.
• Attitude - Your attitude should reflect a complete lack of caring. Be belligerent about it. There are two ways to go about this: you can either be the superior, pointy toed shoes-wearing, intelligent vamp or you can be the adorable helpless fragile flower. Either way, it gives the man something to chase and they like run around and stuff like that.

• Breasts - Breasts are an important part of your personality. I'm not sure how but um, they are. So, do whatever you can to make them perky and all that.

Etiquette
=======
Try to be polite. This is only a general rule, though; if you are inconvenienced, annoyed, or too tired to be pleasant, you can be as rude as you want, especially if you are provoked. However, if you are going to be very rude, make sure to be very very attractive so it will seem cute and feisty and not unappealing.

Smoking- { all those bloggers trying to give up-go girl(s)} - Try not to smoke. If you must, be as courteous as possible and hold your arm out perpendicular to your body. Be sure to dangle the cigarette from your body loosely. This makes you seem dangerous. Actually, it DOES make you dangerous and men like things like that, like shiny cars to crash in and sports like rollerblading or lawn darts. This also keeps the man at a safe distance.

Eating - Try not to eat. If you must, eat something that doesn't require chewing, like yogurt or boiled monkey brains. Also, if you don't eat, don't pass out, either, as this is annoying, time-consuming, and the impetus behind force-feeding, which is irritating and messy at best.

Drinking - Try to drink a lot. It's fun and you'll find that as you drink more and more, you worry less and less. Men like it. It's fun for them, too. It's like a Slinky or bisexuals - fun for girl and boy.

Breasts(again) - Arch your back. This really doesn't have anything to do with politeness but I had room to include it here.

Sex - If you want, you can have sex whenever desired. Simply make sure you really want to and aren't just bored or something. Don't let the man decide whether to have sex or not. They think sports are interesting and that Jean-Claude Van Damme movies are a good idea and therefore cannot be trusted with important decisions.

Speaking - Try to be interesting, if it's not too tiring. Don't feel the need to be intelligent, however. This reminds men of school and leads to expectations of note-taking and a later quiz. Don't worry to how he reacts to what you say; it's unimportant at best.

Make your final decision.

Leave.

Repeat as needed.

*** Guys, I am currently researching how to pick up at the tramstop for your benefit( not from the south?? Bustop instructions pending)

Stay tuned

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 6, 2008 2:52 PM

If someone doesn’t want to be with you, respect their wishes. Let them go, let them be… give them the space they ask for without defensiveness. Leave the door open but get on with your life. Never try and convince anyone to be with you…A good question to ask yourself is why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you anyway?

This has been a long post, but one I thought worth addressing in detail.

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 6, 2008 12:24 PM

How true is this statement? Why would you ever want to try to convince someone to like or love you? It never works in the long run and, after all, that's what we are supposedly here for.

How many times have the men and women here been, like Suzie, disappointed that their perceptions and great relationship, they were building in their own minds,didn't turn out??

Look back and if you it has been a few times over the last year, then it is obvious that none of these people were the "one" for you....What you felt, or are feeling is perhaps just how you "want" to feel.

Suzie, mooch about, don't get dressed, eat/drink what you like for a few days and, then, either take a sabbatical from dating or just get back out there. Don't spend too long writing before you meet them. It just builds up expectations that maybe people can't, or don't want to live up to.

Give the guy a bit of space and he may come back in a few days, or weeks, and if you truly feel for him that will be okay. I agree with IAE in that you should break all contact...let him miss you. He may have just got cold feet and needs to sort it all out.

Worth a try!

Posted by: istj54 at January 6, 2008 2:03 PM

There is a stark contrast between what each of the sexes thinks the opposite sex wants from them, and what the opposite sex really does want.
What women think men want from them causes women to have resentments and anger towards men, and feel hopeless about ever developing a wonderful, warm romantic partnership with a man. What men think women want from them causes them much of the same feelings.

The sad part is that it does not have to be this way, if only we realize that both men and women are human beings first and pretty much want the same thing.

1. Men want honest, timely, loving communication.

They want a woman who answers questions honestly instead of with silence. They want a woman who confidently asks for her wants and needs to be met. They want a woman who can see the truth, and tell it like it is while communicating with kindness. Finally, men want a woman who can communicate without being too critical, who cares about preserving his and her dignity.

Great men want and need straightforward, courageous communication without anger or criticism. Therefore, one way to attract a great man and build a satisfying relationship is to learn how to communicate effectively.

2. Self-sufficiency, security, confidence.

Men want a woman to choose them rather than need them, either materially or emotionally. They want their partner to have a separate identity, to support his goals without being threatened because she has goals as well. Men said they want a woman to be active and independent, and to have her own friends and interests.
Men want what women want - a whole partner. One powerful way to attract a great man and to build a vibrant relationship is to create a full, rewarding life for your own fulfillment now.

3. Lack of manipulation.

Men said they want no manipulation of any kind. They do not want to read their partner's mind or try to interpret signals. They do not want to be forced to move faster in a relationship than they are ready. They do not want to be manipulated into taking all the blame for things gone wrong. They do not want to be on the receiving end of game playing.

4. Growth, personal responsibility, ownership.

Men said they want a partner who can laugh at herself, and who has the ability to build courage and strength in her partner which means she must have the ability to do the same for herself. They also said they want a woman who can see her part in relationship dynamics and own it. She has to be stable emotionally. Men want a woman who is developing herself personally, and who takes responsibility for her emotional experience.
Men want women who are emotionally mature. Maturity does not mean lack of emotions. It does mean the ability to handle emotions responsibly. To attract a great man and to build a long-term relationship, learn to take responsibility for your emotional expression and experience.

5. Fidelity and a commitment to the relationship.

Across the board, men said fidelity is an absolute must. In fact, most went even further to say they want a woman who does not have a "roaming eye" and who can wholeheartedly commit to the relationship. They went on to define commitment as fidelity plus the willingness to work on the relationship even when the going gets tough. They said such commitment is critical to create a great relationship.
Here is great news for those women who have resigned to the myth that all men cheat: infidelity and "a roaming eye" are as distasteful to men as they are to women. Great men know how to build a wonderful relationship, and know that fidelity is the main ingredient.

6. Knowledge of men and how they need to be treated.

It seems women tend to treat men in a way that diminishes their ego, making them feel inadequate. Men said they would rather have more praise, more acknowledgement of what they do right, more acknowledgment that they are great guys who are loved and appreciated.
Most men want acknowledgement and appreciation from women. Learning to acknowledge instead of making your partner wrong is one of the most powerful relationship survival tools available to you.

The Relationship Coach Newsletter

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 6, 2008 1:50 PM

For anyone else interested in giving up smoking (I'm not sure that it is appropriate for me to name the drug on here) go see your GP he/she hopefully knows about it by now. Good luck to anyone willing to have a go!

Posted by: ninaschen at January 6, 2008 1:22 PM

Today122 (re post last night) - I've never been to the Byron Festival, but been to the Apollo Bay one the last few years - a real buzz - and hear the Byron one is like that too. Sounds like fun.

If you're interested in some company, share accomodation etc, I would consider giving it a go too. Let me know. I have stamps that will expire soon and no-one in sight to spend them on :( in this very crowded "disillusioned" corner!

By the way (co-incidence) I'm going to Byron in a couple of weeks for a holiday!

Posted by: riversong1 at January 6, 2008 1:20 PM

Hey Bob,

Just keep being your lovely respectful self.....there's hope out there for you.
Yes, alot of us women have come from very broken relationships, and find men like you who actually respect women....... very refreshing.

Posted by: graceandcharm at January 6, 2008 12:58 PM

and - ninaschen and jenjen - would love to hear of this new miracle cure for nicotine addiction. gotta be a way out of this, and AA and the 12 steps doesn't quite cut it.
As for the rest of this, I think we all need to get out more, especially me.

Posted by: today122 at January 6, 2008 12:51 PM

Love is a funny thing.....its never appreciated until its gone....it never has value until someone has it......and just when you decided to give up on it....it finds you again...

Heres wishing and hoping !!!!!!!!!

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 6, 2008 12:38 PM

It hurts to love someone and not to be loved in return, but is more painful to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel.

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 6, 2008 12:36 PM

Hi MsTingle,

I think that you have misinterpreted what I have been writing. I am not talking about me in particular, but men in general - the trend of the blog at the time was that men attempting to be "nice" (I meant understanding and respectful in this sense) are weak and insipid.

Personally, I have no issues whether a woman likes me or not; thats life. I attempt to at least give her a good experience with a guy so she walks away thinking that there are some decent ones left, even if personally, I am not to her particular tastes.

I think guys generally cop a bad rap when it coms to dealing with women who have come from broken relationships or a bad experience; and that can be understood to some degree. Whilst there may be significant truth in some of the observations being made on specific individuals, we all tend to get tarred with the same brush; especially on RSVP which is basically a sight where both guys and girls (in overwhelming numbers) come from the demographic of broken relationships - what chance then for all of us?

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at January 6, 2008 12:35 PM

femalepersuasion.
excellent excellent. that's one to copy and paste and keep. thank you

and mstingle. your words today at 12.12pm - so good. and that's what makes us who we are - to have our heart ripped to shreds, melodramatic or whatever, but to get back out there again and again and risk it. Resilience and belief in ourselves. With some horrible self-destructive stuff in between, but we do it.
So all these disillusioned people, men and women, just keep getting back on the horse and there'll be one there who doesn't kick you off.
and riversong - there's a lot of guys who pursue like crazy, and then cool it, for their own fear or whatever. Women do this too. Like the idea but the reality is too scary?

Posted by: today122 at January 6, 2008 12:34 PM

In light of the personal stories discussed on the blogs recently and the excellent advice given in response by both male and female, I offer the following in a spirit of continuing goodwill .

Walking through a bookstore recently I saw a large poster exclaiming MEN ARE FROM EARTH, WOMEN ARE FROM EARTH- SO GET OVER IT.

With this simple truth in mind, the following criteria applies whether you are male or female

QUALITIES TO LOOK FOR IN A MATE
===============================

The key to choosing the right partner is to look for a person with good CHARACTER, not simply a good PERSONALITY.

Most of us become initially attracted to a mate because of something about their personality ( they make you laugh, her femininity, his interest in cycling etc) and whilst these traits are enjoyable, they are not what is going to determine whether your relationship will truly make you happy. For that you have to look for character as this determines how a person will treat themselves, you and your children. It is the FOUNDATION of any healthy partnership. Emphasis on HEALTHY.

Whether you are single, married or in between, understanding about these characteristics will help you determine how successful your relationship can be by determining how READY your partner is to be in a loving relationship.

Instead of ONLY asking yourself the question ‘Does my partner love me?’ or when on a date , ‘ Does this date like me?’

You need to ask

‘How capable is my partner of loving, period?’
Or
‘Do I like this date and do they appear to be ready for a relationship’

1. Commitment to personal growth - Essential for navigating a relationship over time and handling conflict that arises sooner or later. Only when you are BOTH committed to learning will your relationship become an adventure in personal growth, rather than a power struggle between two people, each trying to be right and make the other wrong. There is no way any relationship can work if one partner refuses to seek help when necessary. Finding this out in the beginning will prevent you from getting involved in relationships that don’t have a chance of working out from the get-go.

2. Emotional openness-an intimate relationship is not based on sharing a home, a bed or a bathroom. It’s based on sharing FEELINGS. This means your mate:
• has feelings
• knows what he/she is feeling
• chooses to share those feelings
• knows how to express those feelings to you
• if your date/partner can’t identify and share their feelings with you, they are not ready to be in an intimate relationship.

3.Integrity- finding a partner with integrity means seeking
* someone who is honest with themselves
* someone who is honest with others
* someone who is honest with you

Look for a partner who is upfront about how they feel and what he/she wants. Someone whose actions match his or her words.

4.High Self-Esteem- A partner can only love you as much as they love themselves, so a person with low self- esteem loves in order to FEEL good about themselves. Whereas a person with high self-esteem loves BECAUSE he/she feels good about themselves

The more you love yourself, the harder it will be for you to abuse yourself physically or emotionally.

The more you love yourself, the less you’ll allow others to mistreat you. If you easily view yourself as the victim and blame others for your relationship situations you need to own your part in it.

5. Positive attitude to life- love is a positive energy so it starves in an atmosphere of negativity. That is why it is important to find a partner who has a positive attitude. You will be able to tell by only spending a little time with someone if they are:

NEGATIVE
• always focus on problems & resist solutions
• always find something or someone to complain about
• allow fear & worry to rule them
• are cynical & pessimistic about the future
• don’t trust easily

POSITIVE
• always focus on solutions
• turn obstacles into opportunities and adversity into lessons
• trust in their ability to make a difference
• believe that things can always get better
• use their vision to change their reality.
When relationships falter, it is often easier to blame the other party when often the healthier option is to look within and own our part in someone wanting to distance themselves from us. Lessons will be repeated until they are learned.
If someone doesn’t want to be with you, respect their wishes. Let them go, let them be… give them the space they ask for without defensiveness. Leave the door open but get on with your life. Never try and convince anyone to be with you…A good question to ask yourself is why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you anyway?

This has been a long post, but one I thought worth addressing in detail.

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 6, 2008 12:24 PM

seraphsuzie at January 5, 2008 10:49 PM

I am sorry that you are feeling this way. I have had my heart ripped out in the past as many men and women have. Also failed relationships after which I have been convinced that I really didn’t think that I could fall in love or have undenyably strong feelings for anyone again. So I think maybe I just have to find someone where I enjoy their company and the sex is at least good. However it appears that maybe I am capable of falling for someone again because, I haven’t met anyone yet, early days on RSVP but I am having email contact with a few men at the moment and I feel a little excited at the prospect of actually meeting up with someone. On one hand I am relieved to find that my heart has not died and is capable of feelings and the possibility of falling in love again. Then on the other it is quite scary thinking ohh I still have a tender heart and in that case it is vulnerable to being crushed again. However I have a chioce I either become celebate or take the chance like the rest of you and go for it. I also am aware that it may take a number of meeting to actually meet someone that I want to spend time with and they with me. Hopefully meeting some men will not be long because I will be back at uni and then will be hidden profile till the next holiday’s. Anyway I just wanted to you to know as others have, that what you are going through is very understood. May be this is a good thing because if you wasted anymore time on a drop kick you would not be available for the one that is going to make your heart sing.

imanenigma at January 5, 2008 11:55 PM

Strong words and maybe a little too strong for Suzie at the moment (of course I can’t talk for her, only she knows how she is really feeling) However it is so true IMA.

ninaschen at January 6, 2008 12:02 AM

I agree it is nice to have these guy’s on the blog, very much apprieciated.

notgodsgift at January 6, 2008 12:06 AM

I am not saying this to be rude but you say so many times about how you continue to fail and that you can’t win. We have all made mistakes and we may mention them as they happen because we are trying to sort things out in our head. However ii need to say I know you can’t forget what went wrong for you in the past but put it down to experience and move on. If you keep on saying it didn’t work out before and you can’t win constantly, then you will carry that attitude with you when you do meet females it will fail. Concentrate on your abilities and not what you can’t do and hopefully in time the right woman will come along and say “hey, where have you been all my life, who could ever resist you”. If you look for faults you will find them.

archerrising at January 6, 2008 12:16 AM

Surely what is on the blogs is only a fraction of what goes on good or bad. Speed dating may be a quick way to get a date but it would still not guarantee you success, nothing does. I suppose the thing would be to not put all your eggs in one basket and if you can afford to try all the single, what evers.

woodnwine at January 6, 2008 1:36 AM

I hear you.

Posted by: mstingle at January 6, 2008 12:12 PM

Hey all! I do tend to agree with riversong on this one. No one has to behave different, just accept we all are, and react in different ways. No right or wrong just different. Be yourself by all means suzie,for that is who you are! Just be prepared that you may scare some guys off, as thats how they are.They may also lose great girls for that same reason! Like life its all about finding a balance. Thems my thoughts.

Posted by: imanenigma at January 6, 2008 12:05 PM

riversong and seraphsuzie

All we can ever do is be ourselves. Some people are more emotionally intense than others but if that is`who they are then they shouldnt have to behave differently so as not to "confuse" other adults they meet.

In your case Suzie, I have to say, given what you have told us, that it seems he is not the same honest and genuine person that you are. If he was really genuinely interested in a relationship with you , then your emotional "heart on my sleeve" personality wouldnt have freaked him out at all.

And riversong, this disillusioned corner is going to get very crowded I think !! With men and women n!!

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 6, 2008 11:35 AM

No this was definitely not my fault.. Since when is telling someone you miss them after you have spent 3 glorious days and nights together.. and telling them you care about them scary??? Give me a break.. if a man cannot handle good old fashioned affection and feeling then sorry but he ain't the one for me. And yes he told me he found it hard to handle that kind of thing.. but if you read his profile you would see that he actually states he wants a woman to bring those emotions out that a man finds hard to and he reiterated that with me. I will never apologise nor change who I am.. if I like someone I am going to tell them.. You know life is too short not too..

Posted by: seraphsuzie at January 6, 2008 11:34 AM

Seraphsuzie, just a thought, but perhaps you might have come on too strong too quick and freaked him out.(Generalisiation) but many men find it difficult to handle emotional intensity - double that if with a virtual stranger.
On-line dallying is not the same as staring a stranger in the face. The reality of that can crumble the illusion.

I'm not trying to shift "blame" for him fleeing, but it helps people control our lives if we accept responsibility for what (and who) we get ourselves into.

There are a lot of guys in here who pursue like crazy, but when actually faced with the possibility of a relationship, get all "confused" and realise that's not what they want at all!

I'm less and less sure about the whole on-line dating thing - join Ninachen and the others in that crowded disillusioned corner!

Posted by: riversong1 at January 6, 2008 11:25 AM

Thank you ninaschen, I would appreciate it. Three weeks, well done !!! Quitting smoking is my number one resolution for the New Year :)

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 6, 2008 11:16 AM

Today122- No need to, its all cool. Dont wish to be taken out of context , I was getting a tad miffed with some of the less than polite and genuine women bashing bloggers on here. I had this idealistic notion that the new year may bring a change in peoples attitude, silly me. They can learn the hard way!

Posted by: imanenigma at January 6, 2008 11:06 AM

JenJen - There is a new drug out on the PBS this year (I scored a sneak preview late last year). It is working for me so far - three smoke-free weeks now (with just a couple of minor slip-ups). I'm happy to pass on more details, if you like.

Posted by: ninaschen at January 6, 2008 11:05 AM

ok - I was taking it wider. And in no way am I saying that these "rules" were favoured by anyone here.
So - my humble apologies kind sir. NOT having a go.

Posted by: today122 at January 6, 2008 10:41 AM

@ today122- read back away to gain the right context. I'm talking the rules of karma etc nothing to do with john howard, beating women etc More about behaving , dare I say it "nicely" on the blogs or anywhere for that matter! Hey! I'm doing some people a favour! They can take it or leave it!.....at their own peril.

Posted by: imanenigma at January 6, 2008 10:38 AM

imanenigma - challenge the rules at our peril? philosophical for a sunday morning, but - who wrote these rules? And we'd still be in horse and buggy with women still beaten and trapped behind the white pickets, if the rules weren't challenged. That's a bit john howard for me

Posted by: today122 at January 6, 2008 10:22 AM

@ Jewels-" I for one, would not wish the pain of that experience on anyone!!!" neither would I!!! I doubt if there were many people who would!!!.....However feel free to re-read my post....AND....all of didgets!!! For an insight into how the universe works!!.....Dont challenge it for it will teach you! over and over until you learn!!....I dont make the rules, I just try to live and learn from em!!! Others can behave as they like, at their own peril!

Posted by: imanenigma at January 6, 2008 10:03 AM

Too many good things on here. Ninaschen, archerrising, and whoever else. We do learn a lot on here I think. So good to hear the male point of view, and you can just about see the shoulder shrugging and giving up of some men as they really have been so maligned over the last couple of decades. Genuine ones lumped in with the abusive and angst ridden ones, all trying to say but I'm ok, don't hold me responsible for all the vile men out there. Are the tables also turned? Do good women feel they have to make up for all the crazies? and apologise all the way? I think I spent my marriage trying to convince my husband I wasn't a ball breaker like his dear old (not) mum. Failed in the end, beaten and exhausted.
I always try to find people's redeeming features, respect until it would be harmful to me to continue, and analyse to the death.
I think we all need to rule lines under previous crud. Like SSC says - live for now. this is one minute we will never ever get back, and if it's spent dissecting the past and being scared of the future, then it's gone. buddhism - this too will pass.
And our dear friend digit or whoever he is today. Some of what you say does make a lot of sense. It's a shame it is couched in so much aggro and directed at individuals to ridicule.
have a good sunday everyone.

Posted by: today122 at January 6, 2008 9:50 AM

Living NOW and not having too many regrets about the past, thinking of the past as little as possible.(Once you have dealt with it) Also not being anxious/worried/obsessed about the future but focussing on the minute we live in...NOW. Works for me (mostly). Right now how is your life...do you have a problem right this second? A lot of our issues are about the past or future. My opinion only and am happy for people to disagree.

jenjen: to give up smoking I visualised the money each pack cost and then imagined that money x 52 weeks. (cigarettes = money wasted) Then picked out a goal, say a holiday somewhere, working out its cost. Everytime I felt like lighting up, I would think of the money that would go toward the trip. Or imagine how you would feel to light up the years worth of smoke money...picture the money and just setting it alight. You could find something that works for you.Heard it on the radio I think years ago. Is the quit smoking blog still going?
WnW I could not find any other topics open. Some were a while back. Who could be bothered looking at all.

NF I hope you enjoyed your beer in bed then.

To Ninaschen and others, time helps I believe and I find comfort in the karma idea too. Hang out with friends as much as possible and have a laugh and/or cry.

Going swimming and hope to see dolphins again :)) Once a week at least, great fitness plan so far. Twice last week. Huge walk on beach last night. Why did they close the fitness blog? It got a bit of brainstorming going. Enjoy your day bloggers and hope someone copies the blog so I don't miss the funny bits if they go ; ))))

PS We could all post our dating/life Resumes on here like didget, brave idea!!
S.

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 6, 2008 9:33 AM

imanenigma, re didgets wives, I believe that the 3rd one passed away, now I for one, would not wish the pain of that expierience on anyone, ever!!!!

timewarp, you give really good advice!!!

didget, @12-06am, you also gave true advice when you said " As a man I can tell you the "not sure' statement means a number of things.
If he is not long out of another relationship than it is emotional,on the other hand if it has been a number of years than what he is saying to you is I think I can find somebody better and i don't want to hurt your feelings.
Now lets get to the nitty gritty if sex was involved than this is not an unusual reaction,women do it all the time to men.They lust after them,get them in the sack ,don't cum and then dump the guy.
Men do it as well, chase the woman, have sex with her,and you will note I am not saying making love,and then move on because they don't want to be confined to a relationship they dived into just for the physical aspect.""

I for one have experineced both types of dates, you are very perceptive when you are not pickin' on someone!!

Have a lovely day all...jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at January 6, 2008 9:16 AM

Fotoman,

Can I once again express support for the unerring accuracy of your observations, especially the walk the cemetery bit and live for the moment for tomorrow you die.

There are a lot of women on these blogs and I’m not talking about the females, either.

Posted by: neuroticfish at January 6, 2008 7:56 AM

JENJEN: About quitting smoking -

I've only sucked a couple of smokes ever, both when half-drunk in my 20s and did absolutely nothing for me, but when I met my Ex. she was 19 and smoking 40 a day. Kents.

When we married, my salary only stretched to 30 a day, and I had to pay for our grog and petrol out of my equal pocket money.

House mortgage instead of flat rent took it down to 20 a day, then saving up for cot, nappies etc would have meant 10 a day. "Couldn't last on that" she said, and gave up smoking with the Last Pack method.

Label the last pack as such. Light smoke No 1 and take one big draw. Then blow through it to get the smoke out of the tobacco, then stub it out. Light it again when you must, for one more draw, and so on.

She was down to small draws by the last smoke, and by the last draw it was so foul she took a tiny suck, said "Yuck" and stubbed it out. It was her last pack. Might be worth a try.

Must sleep an hour till the laundromat opens, and have a siesta this arvo before hospital visit and tennis. ciao.

Posted by: timewarp1 at January 6, 2008 7:05 AM

Hi all! Been busy chasing the $$, and just read this blog through from the start.

Another parade of wide-open honesty, in spite of the return of the same peurile negative-attention-seeking sniper.

You're managing him better and better, but remember if you take his bait, you'll get pulled too, and we do want to hear YOU. (And him when he changes to positive, as he has a couple of times in this blog, and got the positive feedback he then deserved. A good idea doesn't care who has it ...

ABCKENNY:

On blogtopic, and back to the 60s: On both NYEs 1960 and 1961, I went to house parties at the homes of Brisbane student friends.

Just about everyone else had become too drunk and boring by about 11.30pm, except She-I'd-marry-in-1964 and myself, who were always a little less drunk, and still not at all boring. We thought.

So we'd drive to the Centenary Pool, climb over the back fence and hear the midnight motor horns faintly from the water. When the security guard came in about 1am and flashed his torch around, we were in the darkest corner of the pool with only nose and one eye visible, so he'd miss us.

When we got out of the water, I'd put on a different pure silk paisley shirt (for the new day) and take her home to her digs. I don't remember the NYDs - probably picked her up again at mid-morning and drove down to the Gold Coast for a surf.

This year I planned to spend NYE quietly at home, but got a phonecall about 6.30pm that my main poetry publisher was in hospital with an inoperable malignant brain tumour, and cabin fever. So I spent a few hours with her till they threw me out, ate a bit of sushi on the way home and got onto the 'net till about 2am as usual. And loafed for most of NYD.

JUNEBABY57 aT 8,20am 5th and Mr S.WOLF at 1.27am today - right on!

TODAY122 at 8.22am 5th: My ex-mother-in-law had a disrespectful saying "I'm rich; be nice." I totally agree that rich men have no right to control a woman, using their purse strings for reins, but when sales are down and my landlord reminds me that I'm behind with the rent, I sometimes think what a delightful pet I'd make for a rich widow ...

Just got up to make a coffee, and it's grey dawn outside.

S.SUSIE:

I disagree with imanenigma. I believe it's about authenticity, crossed with assertiveness.

Men typically take 3 or 4 times as long as their dates to commit to what we called "going steady" 50 years ago. (A date at least once a week, including every Saturday night, and not dating others. And usually a bit of hanky-panky fairly soon.)

So once you've made your choice, don't look too keen. Always be unavailable if he asks for a date with less than 2 or 3 days' notice, and be unavailable anyway, when he asks you for date No 4. "Treat 'em mean and keep 'em keen." But be nice when with him, of course. You've got to be worth the effort.

Compromise. Wait longer than you want to, before you have THE TALK. I've seen 8 or 9 dates suggested. And then if he says he's feeling pressured, don't be a wimp and just let it (and him) slide.

Be assertive and tell it like it is. Say you're ready to go steady with him, but if he isn't, you'll go look for someone else who is.

And see the look of intense relief on his face that tells you to cross him permanently off your shopping list. Unless he later asks you to put him back on.

WHAT DO MEN WANT?

Not what was suggested yesterday - just that you arrive naked and bring food, AND BEER. (some Temperance type had censored that bit out, after I saw it on email and before you did.)

I believe that every man really wants something unique, although there will be a lot of characteristics that appear in most lists.

How to guess what they are for a certain man? Look at his profile's Perfect Partner profile. Then read the rest of his profile and see how articulate he is and how authentic he sounds. From that, guess what else he wants, and also what he says he wants, but either doesn't really want, or wants and doesn't deserve, eg. frogs asking for princesses.

What do I personally want? I've taken hours to try to say it exactly in my profile. Good place to look first, but read my blog posts for more clues.

A sunny sunrise for the first time in a fortnight! Must go wash clothes. Seeyez all.

Posted by: timewarp1 at January 6, 2008 6:36 AM

hey WnW I don't think anyone was apportioning blame.Just sympathising a little having been there.It's hard enough finding that one in ten thousand on here that you are sure is 'THE ONE' only to find out later that you aren't their 'ONE'

Posted by: abckenny at January 6, 2008 1:44 AM

I think that a large portion of long term non daters have insecurity issues - they dont really like themselves. They want someone to like them, alot, so they can start to feel their self confidence again. The new partner feels their neediness and sets sail.
That crushes the first persons already withered ego, and the cycle begins anew.
Posted by: mrsteppenwolf at January 6, 2008 1:27 AM

See what I mean?

Posted by: woodnwine at January 6, 2008 1:36 AM

Hey guys - don't judge too harshly without all the facts as you often only hear one side of the story. I am not perfect therefore why assume things are not my fault. I try my best but in the end that is all I can do, I don't recall ever blaming anyone else for anything.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 6, 2008 1:32 AM

I think that a large portion of long term non daters have insecurity issues - they dont really like themselves. They want someone to like them, alot, so they can start to feel their self confidence again. The new partner feels their neediness and sets sail.
That crushes the first persons already withered ego, and the cycle begins anew.

If your the person you really like to around , then you wont need the ego reinforcement from them, at least not so often, and you wont say all those silly compliments guys think they have to make convince th girl their a nice guy (its a dead giveaway that you dont value yourself very highly, or as highly as them)

Posted by: mrsteppenwolf at January 6, 2008 1:27 AM

Sorry Digit it couldn't have been me. You obviously didn't read my profile.I don't date anyone who looks older than my mum

Posted by: abckenny at January 6, 2008 1:17 AM

A very impressive list indeed! But the most telling thing about you and why you behave as you do is.... married 3 times, divorced Twice (that explains much!) What it doesnt explain is number 3? Ah, but that explains the rest-karma! life can be a cruel teacher! Others should not have to pay the price, so that we learn! Some people never learn and remain bitter and twisted!-savvy?

Posted by: imanenigma at January 6, 2008 1:05 AM

man you just gotta get out more!

Posted by: didget at January 6, 2008 12:42 AM

I agree that if you want to get better at dating then you do need to get out more - one date a year is just not going to cut it folks !

A good saying to remember is, if you dont feel good about yourself, then no one else will.
When you think about yourself - out on a date - are you the type of person you would really be excited to out on a date with ?
Be the person that you would mmost like to be around - and others will flock to be round you too.

Gnight

BTW - the SYD festival opened last night in the domain . Paul kelly rocked it, but Brian Wilson was abit naff . The youngster were leaving in droves half way through his set ...

Posted by: mrsteppenwolf at January 6, 2008 1:05 AM

abckenny

True, that is the best thing, to get out there with no expectations. I am naturally usually optimistic and positive, just suffering from a recent disappointment and blow to my self esteem :(

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 6, 2008 1:04 AM

Posted by: notgodsgift at January 6, 2008 12:52 AM

well Bob, you seem like the "nice" guy. Looking for a replacement word for nice, decent I suppose. Not insipid surely. I have changed how I do things. Instead of endless emails, I am now meeting people quickly. If you are happy with the way you are on dates ect I guess it is a waiting game then, until the right one comes along. Being yourself is important.

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 6, 2008 12:58 AM

jenjen I'm convinced the best thing is to go out there without any expectations at all.That way you won't be disappointed.

Posted by: abckenny at January 6, 2008 12:58 AM

I really appreciate the support I get here and the support offered to others. You're a cool bunch! And like NotGodsGift alluded, do the best with what you've got. Someone out there will treasure the effort.

Posted by: ninaschen at January 6, 2008 12:54 AM

HI Archerrising,

Dont give up on RSVP, there are plenty of decent guys out therebut, like everything worth finding, you just have to work at it a bit. I haven't tried speed dating, cant get to know someone in 5 minutes.

I always wanted to try that Table of 8 concept myself, but have been told they decide with whom you are seated so you cant move around different groups of people...that sucks!!

SSC,

I am not perfect and have been a frog before, not for any ulterior motives but because I couldn't live up to an expecation that I might have conveyed. Not a good feeling to have disappointed someone when you had no intention of doing so.

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at January 6, 2008 12:52 AM

if you go out there expecting the worst, you will find it one way or the other Posted by: notgodsgift at January 6, 2008 12:33 AM

I guess thats what all the angst is about because, on the contrary, we go out hoping for and wanting the best, and the worst seems to find us anyway, despite our best intentions. I dont know, maybe I need a dating detox.........take some time out for a while :(

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 6, 2008 12:50 AM

didget for all your meanness.. I agree with what you said.. and also you enigma.. thanks.. good to get a male perspective.. and I don't hate men... just the losers.. hehe ;-)

Posted by: seraphsuzie at January 6, 2008 12:48 AM

Posted by: didget at January 5, 2008 11:33 PM

OK, well sorry then, and I laugh at my self very often BTW. Laughter is good. We could do with more laughter on the blog in fact.

today122, in a nutshell I think Chopra basically writes that we have all our potential within us. Only read one book, just what I found in the public library. Guess it was about believing in yourself and thinking outside the square. Expect the unexpected kinda.

ninaschen, jenjen, seraphsuzie, aliane, G & C sounds like you all need a night out on the town as per seraphsuzies idea!!! Hope you ladies feel better soon, its not you, remember.

notgodsgift you are so not a frog. WnW is a nice guy and it will be just a matter of time before he meets his lady surely and ditto for yourself.

"I lied about being the outdoor type" was my ex's theme song...sorry, I am over it, but that is funny archerrising. I look forward to the musical.

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 6, 2008 12:35 AM

Hi Ninaschen,

A lot of this is sad stuff because if you go out there expecting the worst, you will find it one way or the other. We do our best with what we have and that is all we can do.

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at January 6, 2008 12:33 AM

Yikes! Maybe I should get the heck off here then. I haven't yet had a bad experience on rsvp, but that's largely because I haven't really had *any* experience on here. I have several reservations about online dating as anyone who has read my profile will know. And what you seem to be alluding to Bob, is that it's much worse than I have even imagined.
A few days ago on the Relationship Matters blog, I was talking about whether speed dating might have an advantage over online dating because of the relatively greater investment involved. I don't know if you participated in that discussion Bob, or whether you've ever done it, but I am leaning towards that sort of thing (and away from rsvp) because of the things I am learning on the blogs.

Posted by: archerrising at January 6, 2008 12:16 AM

Didget, you gotta be kidding, eh? come to the hunter valley? next you will be saying you are good with fotography and buy your cars from klosters! I may be single and spent new years eve alone, not very tall and shave my head as I am balding yet when I read your posts and the constant name changing and being nasty just for ANY attention, I think to myself, I'm doin fine and dandy compared to some people! Man, you got issues!

Posted by: imanenigma at January 6, 2008 12:12 AM

Archerrising,

Its not about reassuring the bloggers that they are "nice" guys, all guys know the score on RSVP...if you read the profiles it is very obvious. Every date I have had from RSVP says the same thing...been hurt...sick of the players.

We all know this when we meet women here, some use it to their advantage, others understand and try to do the right thing...either way, we lose out.

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at January 6, 2008 12:06 AM

NotGodsGift – Yep. The blogs are educational, aren’t they? I really get a lot out of hearing the views of the guys such as yourself, Jovial, ImAnEnigma, WnW etc. I grew up with little exposure to the male point of view (no brothers, cousins etc) so I really appreciate the input I get here. By the way, though feeling a little (well, very) disappointed with a particular male at the moment, I am not now, nor ever have, tarred all men with the same brush. I remain Pollyannaish in my outlook and will always treat people with respect until such time as they prove beyond doubt that they don’t deserve it.

Posted by: ninaschen at January 6, 2008 12:02 AM

archerrising. a dear friend of mine is writing a book with perfume themes. as odd :) as a life story set to old songs. now - Only Women Bleed? Yesterday? or maybe Girls just want to have fun? Living in a material world? and the all time classic - I Will Survive?

Posted by: today122 at January 6, 2008 12:01 AM

I'm not sure just how walking through a cemetary is going to change my attitude to this whole man/woman problem....Sure some people died early, but there are a whole lot that lived ripe old lives and were they any happier than we are?? Who knows. Not sure why you mention the sports reporter....cause of death is yet to be revealed....I doubt he died of a broken heart...none of us will....but that doesn't stop the hurt when we've been used, abused or played....man or woman.

The best advice tonight was "just be yourself"....if you can't do that with some amount of conviction, then most relationships you embark on are destined to fail because you spend far too much time trying to be someone you are not....you simply can't keep at that.....

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 5, 2008 11:58 PM

Is it safe to come in here? ........My advice suzie is to save your pride! Dont send any more emails or you may become another one of those "crazies" who cant handle being rejected or in this case not even being told straight how he feels! But you know!Dont you? He has said it quite clearly by not saying anything, you have read the book. If he wants you he WILL pursue you! Chasing him looks desperate, sending emails/tx's and giving him both barrels looks just plain nasty. Hey its dating , you live by the sword, you die by the sword or sometimes you kick, sometimes you get kicked! In affairs of the heart when things dont work out someone ends up getting hurt. When the right person comes along we soon forget the pain of the past! Forward people, we can only look forward and learn!!!!

Posted by: imanenigma at January 5, 2008 11:55 PM

Didget,

Correct me if I am wrong but didn't you start life in this current alias as a woman?

By the way, how does continually blogging under multiple guises possibly make you genuine....if you had faith in your convictions you would blog under one name, show your real profile and take the good with the bad.

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at January 5, 2008 11:53 PM

today122 - me too. I sort of wish I didn't cos it was the catch cry of my ex. He'd sing it, or refer to it, and then want me to console him and say it was okay. But it wasn't!
There is a song by Cake called "Never There" which I told him I found appropriate and he acted all insulted, although it was true for me.
One day when I have nothing to do, I'll try to write my life story as a musical with songs that are already out there, lol. I reckon it can be done.

Posted by: archerrising at January 5, 2008 11:51 PM

notgodsgift - haven't we made every effort to distinguish the male bloggers from the types of men we've been bagging? Why would you want to put yourself in a category with those kinds of men? As far as I'm aware from the blogs, WnW doesn't have a problem with "women" - he just had an unpleasant experience with *one* woman.
It's admirable that you let the woman have control of the dating situation but it won't always work for you - some women *will* find it weak and insipid. That may be because they want a man who will take control of the situation. It seems to me that Suzie hit the nail on the head earlier when she said she could only be herself. I think you guys need to do the same. Don't give the woman control of the dating situation unless that's what you want to do. If you feel a spark with someone, act on it, or how will she know? If it's unwelcome, que sera sera, move on to the next person. Trying to second guess what the other person will like reveals our own insecurities about who we are and our need to be loved. But if we are behaving in the way we think the other person will like, rather than the way we really are, we don't have much hope for an authentic relationship.
Does anyone remember the Lemonheads song with the line (maybe even the title) "I lied about being the outdoor type"? Just goes to show we've all done it. But I think it usually ends in tears.

Posted by: archerrising at January 5, 2008 11:46 PM

Didget, which profile is unhidden? just had a peek, not there.
notgodsgift, just be yourself, you don't present as a frog.
Suzie a night on the town has great medicinal products......trust me I am a nurse and know these things.....have done extensive research on the subject he he he

Posted by: dolphin46 at January 5, 2008 11:44 PM

Bob - everyone can only be them and if women are as intuitive as we're supposed to be we can tell if someone isn't being themselves. I really don't think it's a matter of portraying yourself in a certain way because of the not so nice men out there. Everyone surely is looking for someone refreshingly honest and genuine and themselves. The worst ones are those who portray themselves as nice and honest, only to reveal themselves for their not niceness later on down the track. And that applies equally to men and women. Not all men are bad and not all women are wonderful.

Posted by: today122 at January 5, 2008 11:43 PM

and yes both genders do this.
Cruel to be kind? no. cruel is just cruel.
and - no email, m'dear. Don't let him see what he's doing, don't give him any more.

Posted by: today122 at January 5, 2008 11:38 PM

Hi SS,

Not trying to make a judgement on your situation; I am not in a position to do that. What I am saying is that expectation can be an unconscious thing.

Girls,

Reading some of the blogs tonight; we guys cant win. If we are "nice" we are insipid or have another agenda. WnW seems like a genuine "nice" guy and some of you girls know him well, so whats his problem with women?

I approach dates with the attitude that I let the woman have control of the situation; why....because I read these blogs and know that you experience every type of weirdo on earth. Does that then make me weak and insipid or caring and understanding...what I am saying is "how do I win"...either way I lose.

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at January 5, 2008 11:36 PM

Suzie..if he is sending text messages for that type of thing then he is showing you his true colours....let him suffer his losses...I'd not bother even emailing him. If he is unsure how he feels, then he can always work that out and let you know, but don't wait around for him. Be thankful that you have not invested months and months in the relationship....still hurts but that'd have hurt even more.

Onward and upward.....

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 5, 2008 11:31 PM

Posted by: notgodsgift at January 5, 2008 10:59 PM

Men aren't dumb Bob and some of the ladies feel a bit sensitive/hurt/bewildered by a few guys behaviour. We do not think all men are the same, but when a guy suddenly withdrawing their interest it is confusing. There has been some good interaction on the blog earlier, with different views.

Posted by: archerrising at January 5, 2008 10:45 PM

"Unfortunately, guys are too terrified to ever directly tell a woman 'you're not the one'. But their actions absolutely show how they feel."

Is it easier for women to express how they feel? Some men are communicative. Not all women are honest either and there must be some women who are players/users. Someone posted a long time ago that guys sometimes do not give a relationshiop enough time. The love process is different for them. The sort of experience described by seraphsuzie and jenjen has probably happened to men also.

notgodsgift: women do possibly overanalyse things but we do not know what else to do maybe? I read Deepak Chopra etc and it helps me, but that is not for everyone.

About 4pm I made a negative post, as the whole thing was getting too much, the man + woman question...apologies for that.

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 5, 2008 11:25 PM

Thanks guys for the s upport... I know what has to be done.. and am going to do it tonight.. seeing as he thought it was ok to tell me how he felt by text message... and treat me like that by text message.. I am going to write an email.. He doesn't deserve to hear my gorgeous voice again!! hehe ;-)

Posted by: seraphsuzie at January 5, 2008 11:24 PM

And yet ... maybe it isn't a gender issue after all. Have a look back over this blog - isn't WnW going through the same thing and for a similar reason? Perhaps people of either gender who aren't ready for a relationship, or the next stage or whatever, aren't brave enough or lack the integrity to own up to that part of themselves. Instead they say, or imply, that the other person has done something wrong. Hence, Suzie is told she "over analyses" and makes him "feel pressured". Hey buddy, how about telling the truth and just saying you're scared or feel vulnerable? Why make Suze feel bad? Same thing for WnW. I don't know whether his date said anything to him or not but the implication is that WnW did something.
What you guys need to know is that it's not about you - it's about the other person. And although it might be hard to realise because you've already made an emotional investment, is that you don't want to be with a person who is so emotionally immature as to project their issues onto you.

Posted by: archerrising at January 5, 2008 11:22 PM

yep suzie - games. ridiculous. but who wrote the rules and why weren't we ever allowed to know what they were? And why are our "rules" so ignored? Being honest is not being analytical. Them not being honest makes us analytical.

Posted by: today122 at January 5, 2008 11:20 PM

suzie - I don't know you, but there's nothing wrong with you and don't ever change.
His loss of course, not that that's going to help one bit. And you know you'll get over it and that there will be a next time. And the next person had better be worthy of you and your care. And maybe while you feel that you've been duped, also you're lucky, cos now he's shown his true colours. And better now than later.

Posted by: today122 at January 5, 2008 11:16 PM

Didget............you forgot the balloon ride.

Seraphsuzie - Kick him to the curb! If he needs to take time to work out if he likes you......then take heed of the book you were just reading....he is probably just not into you. If he still has his profile up then he is not thinking about you....he is lining up someone else. I find that emotionally cruel, that he has asked you to wait while he decides, especially if you have layed all your cards on the table . How long are you expected to wait for this guy? From what you have said he doesn't sound like he is worth waiting for.

Posted by: misswendyxx at January 5, 2008 11:15 PM

didget, you offered your company for a day, then airtickets, now you offer misswindexx a pleasant weekend in the Hunter Valley. If you want to interact with some women on the blog, you could unhide your profile so they can see you.

today122, hi, when Adelaide kicks in to Festival mode there is the Fringe Festival for 3wks (22 Feb - 16 March) with 552 shows this year. Its always good. And WOMADelaide (7-9th March)
"The magical ambience of WOMADelaide is indescribably lush; thousands of people of all ages bliss out as they enjoy the sounds of the planet while catching up with friends in the sunshine, lazing under the trees, shopping, eating, drinking and having fun with their family (kids under 12 are admitted free).

Come for a night, all day and night, or for the whole 3 days
- it's up to you!" there I am shamelessly plugging my own city, sorry bloggers. I love Adelaide.

The fishing was nice, thanks today122 but watching the dolphins frolicking was best!!

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 5, 2008 11:14 PM

It's okay, Bob. We won't bite. You are not the enemy. You are one of the good guys. Actually, it would be good to have a male voice on the blogs tonight.

Posted by: ninaschen at January 5, 2008 11:13 PM

Hi all, us girls need to stick together and remember that we have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince...........
Maybe we all need to read this book... and the men too, it might wake some of the frogs up.
Hang in there girls.

Posted by: dolphin46 at January 5, 2008 11:12 PM

See Bob thats what he said.. that I over analyse everything... but most women do analyse stuff.. thats how we work. He also said he felt pressured.. Because I said I missed him and cared about him???? I mean are you kidding?? Those kinds of things are supposed to make you feel good not pressured???? And I was NEVER judgemental nor defensive.. I tell it like it is.. If i like someone.. why shouldn't i feel its ok to do so? I really really really hate all these dating games.. where all it seems is we are playing roles... pretending to be things we arent.. learning to say the right thing at the right time just so the other person will like us? What kind of reality is that???

Posted by: seraphsuzie at January 5, 2008 11:08 PM

Aliane - You made me laugh! Thanks. Rat bait! Trouble is, we really don't want the rats (I know, in the Chinese horoscope that is not a bad thing)! I'd like a pussy-cat. Or maybe a tiger. A cuddly bear wouldn't be bad, either!

Posted by: ninaschen at January 5, 2008 11:07 PM

Thanks Ninaschen. I think maybe I should get that book too. Just reading over the part Jewels quoted and it's like being in a time warp back to my last relationship.

Posted by: archerrising at January 5, 2008 11:03 PM

Suzie...don't let it get to you....you are a better person than that. If he needs "time", then give him "time"....if he puts his profile back up, then my guess is he may well be playing the field again, then give him lots of "time". You are better than that!!!

Ninaschen....Christmas is a crappy time to be alone...lots of things to "think" about, but it's over now, the New Year has begun, so make a positive start - at least with a positive thought or two....

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 5, 2008 11:03 PM

:(
So sorry Suzie. You're right, you can only be who you are. And it is better to have loved ... although it may not feel like it right now.

Posted by: archerrising at January 5, 2008 11:00 PM

Hi girls,

Wow...just looked in and looks like a good time to beat it if you are a guy!!

Maybe the problem is that everything is over analysed and too much expectation out there? Nothing wrong with being cautious, but defensive and judgemental permeates the atmosphere and even us dumb men can sense that.

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at January 5, 2008 10:59 PM

ArcherRising - Thanks for the support and the empathy. Your words are always a real asset to the blogs.

JuneBaby - This is stuff I already know (but tend to push to the back of my mind). Seeing it in writing though, is something else. 'BING' the light goes on! I'm gettin' me that there book!

Posted by: ninaschen at January 5, 2008 10:54 PM

But see archerrising.. that would mean I wouldn't be being me.. I am who I am.. I am sensitive.. I fall in love .. i wear my heart on my sleeve.. My dear good friends always tell me never change who I am.. its me.. So I get hurt.. and this time it hurts.. and I will cry and howl and scream and rage.. and in time I will get over it. I am of the opinion.. better to have loved and lost then never have loved at all. But I do also know each time it gets a little hard to piece the pieces of my heart back together again.. So this time I thought I would be wiser and take it slow.. and I did.. ..I played it really cool.. except up to the part when we actually spent time.. my heart just kind of burst.. and so here I am..

Posted by: seraphsuzie at January 5, 2008 10:49 PM

"Unfortunately, guys are too terrified to ever directly tell a woman 'you're not the one'. But their actions absolutely show how they feel."

Not "terrified", just gutless.

Posted by: archerrising at January 5, 2008 10:45 PM

So what he drags me along for days, weeks.. pretending that he's still thinking about whether he actually likes me when in reality he is probably dating some bimbo and I am left wondering what the hell is going on? Yeah well that is definitely NOT going to happen!!

Posted by: seraphsuzie at January 5, 2008 10:42 PM

I went and had a play on google, looking at that book that Suzie has been talking about, it really makes perfect sense!!!

The below is what I found, says it all in a nutshell really!!!

LOVE'S RULES:

If you can find him, he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.

Men know how to use the phone. If he's not calling you, it's because you're not on his mind.

He's not that into you if he only wants to see you when he's drunk.

He's not that into you if he's sleeping with somebody else (including his wife).

The only way a man can say he "misses you" is if he's choosing, every day, not to see you.

Quotes from the article I found..........

"if a sane guy really likes you, there ain't nothing that's going to get in his way".

"When a guy is into you, he lets you know it," he said.

He calls, he shows up, he wants to meet your friends, he can't keep his eyes or hands off you."

But aren't some guys just busy? After all, who among women has not called a guy to ask, "Why didn't you call?", only to be told: "I'm sorry, I've been, like, crazy busy."

"If a dude isn't calling you when he says he will, stop making excuses for him," Behrendt says.

"Move on, sister. Cut your losses and don't waste your time."

"Men are not complicated. There are no mixed messages," Behrendt says. "Unfortunately, guys are too terrified to ever directly tell a woman 'you're not the one'. But their actions absolutely show how they feel."

There's no reason to feel glum about this. The book assures women they are "super hot" and "foxy", and don't need to "scheme and plot and beg to get someone to ask them out".

If someone is treating you badly, it says, move on.

"The next time you feel the need to start figuring him out, consider the glorious thought that he's just not that into you," the book says.

"Then set yourself loose and go find the one who is."

Many women find such advice hard to take. Already, there have been stories asking: "But what if He's Just Not That Into You is wrong?"

But, as the writers point out, the alternative is to think: "No, I'm going to hang in here. If I wait and keep my mouth shut, and call at exactly the right time, and anticipate his moods, maybe I can have him." The book says, actually, you can't, and nor do you want him.

So just a bit of light reading for you all.....jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at January 5, 2008 10:39 PM

"They're not all like that".

jenjen57, suzie and ninaschen - am I sure? Nuh! Only using our blogging friends as evidence I'm afraid. Have not been out on an actual date in two years and only recently put myself out there. Have just started emailing a fellow rsvper so will let you know. I might be crying in the corner with the three of you soon myself.
Suzie - I am *so* not a game player and so some of the advice really goes against the grain for me, but "take it away" works every time. I have done this with job offers, come up with a reason why it just doesn't really suit me after all ... they come after you with their tongues hanging out. What is that? Something to do with valuing something they can't have more than something they can have?? Armchair psychiatrist I may be, but I really don't get that. Anyway, I'm not suggesting you play any games Suzie, just maybe that you try not to wear your heart on your sleeve.
Hope you (all) feel better soon.

Posted by: archerrising at January 5, 2008 10:39 PM

Posted by: seraphsuzie So now.. he needs time.. he doesn't know if he is really into me What the hell did I do wrong? What the hell did I do to deserve this again???????????????????
Most likely you did nothing wrong at all but believe me...he knows..he's just not man enough to admit it

Posted by: abckenny at January 5, 2008 10:36 PM

Yep Ninaschen it is hard to stay positive... just when you think you couldn't be happier,... the jerk goes and pulls the rug right from under you...

Posted by: seraphsuzie at January 5, 2008 10:25 PM

Suzie, I think you and I are leading parallel lives, here! Spooky!

I am finding it so, so hard to feel positive about men in general, right now (lovely male blog friends excepted). But I know they are not all drop-kicks so I will keep trying. And trying. And trying. But maybe later. Maybe I need a break for a while. I don't know. Someone said earlier that this is a very difficult time of the year to be on your own. I agree. I don't think I have felt quite so alone for some time.

Posted by: ninaschen at January 5, 2008 10:19 PM

They're not all like that.

Posted by: archerrising at January 5, 2008 9:56 PM

Are you sure ?????????????
I am standing in the disillusioned corner with suzie and ninaschen :(

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 5, 2008 10:08 PM

awww Ninaschen.. I know exactly how you feel... I had a nanna nap earlier.... cried myself to sleep. I hate feeling like that.. I hate it when a man has the power to make me feel like that.. THe logical part of me says.. Hes a jerk.. tell him where to get off.. But the other part of me.. which tends to rule my life....says wait and give him the space he needs.. let him have his profile up on rsvp after spending three glorious days with you.. and the last 6 weeks getting to know you.. let him wiggle his way into your heart.. What pees me off is that I let him into my home... I let him meet my kids... I talked to his... we talked about when he would come back and i would visit him... I played it cool .. I did what i was supposed to.. I played my part.. So now.. he needs time.. he doesn't know if he is really into me. What the hell did I do wrong? What the hell did I do to deserve this again???????????????????

Posted by: seraphsuzie at January 5, 2008 10:08 PM

They're not all like that.

Posted by: archerrising at January 5, 2008 9:56 PM

Are you sure ?????????????
I am standing in the disillusioned corner with suzie and ninaschen :(

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 5, 2008 10:08 PM

i am guessing didget is our famous .. mr twenty personalities? Therefore... someone, who any one in their right mind would never listen to.. and tonight I think I am in my right mind... So mr didget? bugger off..

Posted by: seraphsuzie at January 5, 2008 9:59 PM

seraphsuzie. I was given that book by a friend in some attempt to help me get over a charming gentleman, ahem. Maybe it was the timing, but I thought it was so depressing. a bit come in spinner for me.

Posted by: today122 at January 5, 2008 9:59 PM

seraphsuzie at January 5, 2008 9:41 PM and jenjen57

My last relationship was with a man who claimed to be head over heels but whose actions spoke another truth. I'm not sure whether it's worse to be involved in a head game like that or to have your partner overtly be selfish.
I haven't read the book but have heard a little about it. Seems to me that if it helps we women recognise those men who are selfish and self-centred and thereby avoid them, so much the better. They're not all like that.

Posted by: archerrising at January 5, 2008 9:56 PM

seraphsuzie

Hmmmm I think I might need to read that too :(

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 5, 2008 9:48 PM

I suggest every woman read - 'He's just not into you'.... What a refreshing look into the way men really think and feel.. if in fact they feel anything at all. Sorry If I sound bitter.. I feel bitter... and yes not every man is the same selfish, self-absorbed, unfeeling, egotistical, arrogant so and so.. just the ones I meet.. :-)

Posted by: seraphsuzie at January 5, 2008 9:41 PM

today122

Shhhhhhhhhh, no more rain please !! Quite soggy enough thank you !!

And the Blues and Roots festival is really good, my brother goes every year.

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 5, 2008 9:40 PM

SSC - yes, the weather reports seem to get more response. Brisbane today - fine and sunny, but steamy. hope it rains again soon.
And is the Adelaide festival good?
Thinking of blues and roots festival at Byron over Easter. anyone been there? worth going?
And how's the fishing?

Posted by: today122 at January 5, 2008 7:43 PM

ODE you are such an inspiration...how to give the illusion of popularity. You are much admired and hope you put your own advice into practice. Now you say you can meet women...but are yet to find the elusive Miss/Ms Right. Perhaps some other bloggers can share their sucesses. I know nothing : )))

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 5, 2008 7:42 PM

mmm, how about a gin and tonic instead ?
:)

Posted by: mrsteppenwolf at January 5, 2008 5:06 PM

For sure a G&T will be just the thing, thanks!!! Will step into my matter transporter now : ))) ...am so late for the beach its not funny. Have a great time at the Sydney Festival. Adelaides Festival Season starts in Feb/March?? which is a great time too. going to pretend to be fishing soon, and swim...been putting it off all day.

misswendyxx think of a topic not involving chemistry then! The actual blog topic seemed a bit gloomy : )))

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 5, 2008 7:39 PM

Is it just me or is NYE over-hyped and anti-climactic? ...or perhaps it only ever is whatever you make of it. Decided at the last minute to boycott NYE this year ...wait, it's last year now... I went to bed at 11:50pm, having broadcast the obligatory sms but not seeing a single firework - this being in observance of a buddy, Pauline, who died three months back of MND. In her last 12 months she went out in style by renting a flat in Kirribili with a beautiful view of Sydney Harbour and invited us around for all firework occasions: NYE2006, Aust.Day2007, APEC2007 etc etc. After that I can hardly bare to look at another firework - either because I'm sick of 'em or because they make me think of poor Pauline (whichever makes me seem more attractive and sensitive to "The Ladies" reading this).

Going to bed early was a moving tribute. Plus, I had no better invites (but even if I had, I'd like to think I'd have done it anyway) (maybe). Happy New Year, Pauline, and to youse all.
I thank you.

Posted by: poidar at January 5, 2008 6:52 PM

What's all this recycling of old topics? Chemistry was already done to death on the "rate your date" blog.

Maybe Didget could say a few words about chemistry.....like....how to ruin it.....!

mrsteppinwolf - G & T's are my favourite too........but will take a raincheck as I am off to the movies or was that to get on a plane?

Posted by: misswendyxx at January 5, 2008 6:21 PM

Off topic ;) -a new year party of sorts - tonite is the start of the sydney festival !
Happy Festival Sydeny !

In the words of Brian Wilson - "i wish they all could be California grrrrrllls"

Cheers! and heres to a great night for all !

Posted by: mrsteppenwolf at January 5, 2008 6:21 PM

"Studying the chemistry between men and women has a long history -- Marie Curie and her husband Pierre were pioneers in this field. In 1898 Curie isolated polonium and radium and soon wrote a paper about radioactive dating."

FP, if ever you change your mind about dating younger men, my mother's only child is still on the meat market.

As you're one of the 5,000 women in contact with me, I should inform you that the email problem is being resolved. Actually, it's more of a human laziness problem in setting up a new account, but rest assured you haven't heard the end of my enthralling emails just yet, and I still owe you some replies.

Same goes for the others who have emailed me. I have your contact emails at the ready.

(Notice how I produce the illusion of popularity.)

Posted by: onlinedatingexpert at January 5, 2008 5:59 PM

I'll be in that G&T...it's my favourite drink Mr Wolf...what about materialism versus compassion?
Posted by: istj54 at January 5, 2008 5:16 PM

Cheers istj ! (mine too ;))

Ummm - well why dont you start and we'll join in later ?! lol

Posted by: mrsteppenwolf at January 5, 2008 5:59 PM

I'm right on top of you didget...and what about the return ticket????hmmmmmm?

Riversong, me turning up naked would tend to turn some off...but I could bring food...will there be fries with that?

Posted by: istj54 at January 5, 2008 5:39 PM

CHEMISTRY ( & debunking the supermarket Myth)

Serious research into chemistry,or the lack of it , or even the definition of it is voluminous. Studying the chemistry between men and women has a long history -- Marie Curie and her husband Pierre were pioneers in this field. In 1898 Curie isolated polonium and radium and soon wrote a paper about radioactive dating.

However, the most exciting advances have been made in understanding the subtle nuances of communicating with women in their natural habitat. One of the most famous of these experiments, "The Supermarket as a Venue For the Facilitation of Romantic Overtures" was printed by The Journal of Stupid Experiments back in 1998. It was conducted at John Howards University's Interpersonal Interactions Laboratory. Our esteem and thanks goes out to those men that graciously donated their body to science for the pursuit of knowledge.

Summary
=======
Recently, psychologists have observed an increased level of desperation and risk taking within the single male cohort of > 40 year-olds. These behavioural traits often correlate highly with gullibility. Thus, there continues to be a strong belief amongst a significant proportion of the population that one of the best places to find and meet members of the opposite sex is large food retailers. This experiment attempts to conclusively disprove, once and for all, the urban myth that the supermarket, and more specifically, the produce aisle, is an above average place to "pick-up" members of the opposite sex.

Introduction
=========
During the nineteen-seventies (1970s) the mainstream media helped to popularize the notion that meeting members of the opposite sex was an easy and painless endeavour, and that chances were that just about anyone, could meet just about anyone, just about anywhere. (Three's Company et al). Despite the hideous clown suits that passed for fashion during the disco era, many people still believe that this painfully embarrassing decade was the apex of free love and loose morals. During the nineteen-eighties (1980s), it appeared that things had calmed down considerably, in fashion, government and dating. (Levis, Bob Hawke, AIDS, et al). The introduction and popularization of personal ads appeared to provide a viable alternative to many men who were either too timid or too disgusted with the "singles scene." Now, over ten (10) years later, it is becoming readily apparent that the solution to single men's woes will not be found in the realm of technology and/or science.

As this realization slowly becomes disseminated to the general population, despair and desperation are likely to once again become prevalent personality traits of long suffering single men. However, despite the more than twenty (20+) years that separate the disco era from today, advice columnists and dating professionals continue to suggest that a viable venue to meet women is the supermarket.

In the interests of preserving the remaining dignity of single men everywhere, this experiment was created to end this paralysing and oppressive myth once and for all.

Methods
=======
Thirty (30) subjects were selected through various methods of random selection that will not be delved into further due to ethical reasons. Ages ranged from forty-one (41) to forty-nine (49). To control for appearance factors, all subjects were rated by an impartial panel of women from the cosmetic, fashion and television industry. Only men who were deemed to be of average or slightly above average appearance were allowed to participate. "Super fit men" and "pretty boys" were excluded because of their potential to skew the results. The thirty (30) subjects were then divided at random into two (2) groups; a "supermarket group" and a "bar" group.
Design Subjects were allowed to choose from a list of pick-up lines. Some examples include (Does this celery look firm enough to you?; I'm looking for some nice melons. Can you help me?; The word of the day is "legs." Let's go spread the word.; Citizen's arrest. You just stole my heart.; After memorizing their pickup lines, participants were instructed to try their line(s) of choice in three (3) different supermarkets or three (3) different bars, depending on which group they had been assigned to. This meant that all told, there would be ninety (90) potential attempts that could be statistically analysed.

Results
======

A number of the "supermarket" subjects reported being assaulted by the women they approached. One (1) subject sustained minor injuries when a watermelon was dropped on his foot. Some subjects were even escorted out of the supermarket by undercover security guards. In comparison, the bar group fared much better, as we hinted at in the introduction. Sadly, it was found that there were no significant correlations, and the null hypothesis was rejected. Thus, it can be concluded that there is a ninety percent (90%) chance (with an error rate of +/- .5%) that trying to meet women in the supermarket is a big fat waste of time.

It now appears that even if you have chemistry, if you try to find it in the supermarket, your ******

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 5, 2008 5:36 PM

What men want:
- bring food
- show up naked
:)

Posted by: riversong1 at January 5, 2008 5:24 PM

I'll be in that G&T...it's my favourite drink Mr Wolf...do you think we need to be politically compatible...now there's a thought...or religiously for a relationship to last? Forget all that other stuff...what about materialism versus compssion? Too deep for this hot weather?

Posted by: istj54 at January 5, 2008 5:16 PM

OK : )) Thanks for sharing the source, some like to know, not that it matters.

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 5, 2008 4:49 PM

No problem. And I agree - its too hot for politics - or ironing !
mmm, how about a gin and tonic instead ?
:)

Posted by: mrsteppenwolf at January 5, 2008 5:06 PM

my comment on whether men want a dependant women, was not in relation to your posts mrsteppenwolf, just general thinking, OK : )) Thanks for sharing the source, some like to know, not that it matters.

ijst54, it must be some job your son has then. I will never have a first meeting like that again (officially it was a second meeting of a collegue or whatever) hopefully. What people say, hey!

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 5, 2008 4:49 PM

Posted by: mrsteppenwolf at January 5, 2008 4:36 PM

mrwolf: I found what you said amusing. Have just been doing my own overthinking on a very hot day. I read David DeAngelo dating advice for men email and it was too much for me, plus having flashbacks of "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" book. If ever there was a useless book. Was just thinking about what men want..what women want. We are all different though. Its too hot here to think, may as well do misswendyxx's ironing : ))) Not offended about anything anyone posted, just reading too much.

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 5, 2008 4:44 PM

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 5, 2008 2:49 P

Scratch a raw nerve did i - was it about your sense of humour ?
(Its all fun and games until someone gets hurts - then its just bloody hilarious ! :)))

I know i never said that i think women want to,nor should want be submissive to a rich man, so i dont know where thats coming from - however;
NOT that it matters really, as we are all only just sharing OPINIONS, but the article containing the survey results was recently published in the SMH (as a piece of Generation X,Y,Z.. marketing no doubt - thanks to our very own multi-billionaire)

And to question of what men want, as answered by WnW; that really exposed rather well the trepidation with which some men feel about honestly expressing their OPINIONS; about their wants and desires, and when its appropriate to do so, and so on. Nothing in that list was even remotely risky, and yet he felt it was a very dangerous presentation !?? ( i found it rather insipid - but each to there own- no offence meant WnW )

INTP

Posted by: mrsteppenwolf at January 5, 2008 4:36 PM

Surely Woodnwine, the “long and interesting discussions” can wait 6 months or whenever, after all the gymnastics. And thanks Sugar for your ever loving support. May your year be a good one.

Posted by: neuroticfish at January 5, 2008 4:36 PM

Then I am the girl, or woman, for you then WnW...ha, ha!...see you do need more than a list...you need that face to face spark...you have to want to kiss them! That is my number one standard to see if I want another few dates or not. Is that shallow?

Posted by: istj54 at January 5, 2008 4:32 PM

Neurofish - what does W-O-M-A-N stand for?

Posted by: woodnwine at January 5, 2008 4:31 PM

Hi Malsie, happy New Year

Posted by: woodnwine at January 5, 2008 4:29 PM

Necroticfish may have meant that he is interested if he doesn't get out of bed, check the bus timetables and say he is just going by bus to the next town to buy some beer...be back soon...don't wait up...I know the bottle shop is closed till ten tomorrow morning...I'll wait.

Slightsync...I got a new one for your dating disaster...My son just told me that he would rather be in solitary confinement in prison for a double murder than be where he is doing his new job at the moment...he said at least he would have done something to go there...of course he has always glamourised prison after seeing all those tv sets and games rooms and stuff on tv...silly boy!

Posted by: istj54 at January 5, 2008 4:29 PM

There is a significant difference between arguing and discussing. Discussion and even disagreements are good but I for one don't ike arguing. I would certainly want a woman with a strong will and an opinion and would hope to have many long and interesting conversations with her.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 5, 2008 4:28 PM

Gidget. He went out with a W-O-M-A-N!

Posted by: neuroticfish at January 5, 2008 4:24 PM

jenjen57, yes, I'd like a guy that one, who does seem to know what this woman would appreciate anyway...they seem pretty hard to find, though. By the way, a bit belated, but happy new year to all.

Posted by: malsie at January 5, 2008 4:22 PM

northern9 at January 5, 2008 2:23 PM

Yes both need to be there supporting one another and making the other think life is so much much with you in my life. If you both do not tend the garden then you will have more problems with weeds to distroy what should be a beautiful fragrant garden.

Posted by: mstingle at January 5, 2008 4:22 PM

WnW chemistry or what ever you call it is vital, that connection or "clicking". It seems that some people of both genders want things perfect immediately. I believe it is too hot in Adelaide today, and after my swim I will be more upbeat : )) We can analyse the man and woman thing too much, but its good to know ourselves at least.

junebaby: ditto

NF: my ideal man will not have a beer fridge in the bedroom. What about the New Years fitness plan? He will drink vitamin smoothies wont he before all that training? And maybe a protien powder drink? (Note: My ideal man may not exist)

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 5, 2008 4:21 PM

northern9 at January 5, 2008 2:06 PM
Y
YES WnW's list of qualities in a female does probably work both ways, it is a good list. With the non-argumentative bit however wouldn't depend on who was judginf whether a peson was argumentative like, some people all they like to do is argue, yuk! Then some people do not wnat to hear if someone does not see the same point of view.

Posted by: mstingle at January 5, 2008 4:15 PM

Who drinks beer in bed neuroticfish?

Posted by: woodnwine at January 5, 2008 4:14 PM

slightsync - I certainly am not looking for someone heaps younger and no, I don't want a "bitch". I should also have listed chemistry but just enough to get the fire started, after that I believe it can grow if you both have enough in common. In other words, I'm not expecting things to be perfect immediately.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 5, 2008 3:59 PM

I forgot the most vital thing in my list of wants, by the way all the lists are pretty good!! Nothing dangerous in saying what you want, if more people were honest, there would be less conflict!!

My forgotten thing is chemistry, the spark...have to have it, or the relationship will not work, for me.

ISTJ, I have also been called argumentative, its just that I will question things if they don't add up for me. Also I will always stand up if I think that something is not right. And I have strong opinions, but i am sure that being an independant woman is attractive, I mean blokes don't want someone that agrees with them 24/7, I mean how boring would that be...and you would never get makeup sex!!!...jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at January 5, 2008 3:49 PM

What Men want in a Woman.

When I first started work as a callow youth, My Section Head and I were discussing the Bosses’ Very Plain Secretary (in the Mens, of course- where all good discussions take place)

He said “I wouldn’t kick her out of bed to get to you.”

Of course, he being my immediate supervisor, I couldn’t reply, but the saying always stuck in my mind.

So if you are female, and the male hasn’t kicked you out of bed to get to his beer, you’re home and hosed.

Posted by: neuroticfish at January 5, 2008 3:44 PM

tell me there are some men out there who do not want someone heaps younger/dependent or a "bitch". This is not addressed to anyone and apologies if it offends. Are lots of guys attracted to "bitches"? "Bitches" being the ones who dump "nice" guys.(But not necessarily) Obviously I have to revise my terminology.

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 5, 2008 3:38 PM

mrwolf: who did the survey? You got a reference, web link?

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 5, 2008 2:52 PM

Posted by: mrsteppenwolf at January 5, 2008 12:42 PM

Awww, thats 'nice', you have a 'nice' day now. (hehe - sorry)

Yes, exactly now as I only need someone to complement me and not to support me financially but be an "equal", that eliminates me from some guys ideal. Am not dependant and like my own space. Not being "desperate" or in a rush is a good thing I hope and having a relationship with a guy is not everything to me. Hope some guys share like WnW..good on you or if people want to stick to the topic, whatever ; )))

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 5, 2008 2:49 PM

Meeting someone with all the wonderful qualities listed would be ideal, but doesn't guarantee you will feel attraction for that person. For instance, my friends have all those qualities..but they are platonic friends.

Conversely, we may meet someone that has only a few of the qualities we admire, and yet we feel an overwhelming attraction to them.

I guess its part of the mystery of life, and if we could infact figure it out, life, and especially romance may not be so exciting. And it is.

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 5, 2008 2:47 PM

Hey there istj54! You, opinionated? Nah! I wont have it! I thought that was my gig! :-) Your last couple of posts were spot on. Not that I'm agreeing with you, no,no,no,!

Posted by: imanenigma at January 5, 2008 2:44 PM

...agreed jenjen...and what is all this talk of what "men" want and what "women" want...it's starting to sound like the trading discussions revisited...shouldn't it be shared and complimentary needs or desires...still just tossing ideas/questions around.

Posted by: istj54 at January 5, 2008 2:24 PM

jenjen57 You are correct.
My point is that it's a 2 way street. Neither side can make"it" work by themselves. You end up where I am if you think you can.

Posted by: northern9 at January 5, 2008 2:23 PM

miss wendy - how much ironing do you have? subcontracting out to Adelaide and now Brisbane? We're a better bet though - too hot to iron in 37 degrees. and it ain't getting anywhere near that here today. Although - the sky is blue! I forgot what that looked like, and very very steamy. hope it rains again. never satisfied are we :)

Posted by: today122 at January 5, 2008 2:22 PM

Relationships , no matter where you are need to be worked on daily.
northern9

Posted by: northern9 at January 5, 2008 2:06 PM

A relationship (friendship or romantic) is like a garden - neglect it, forget to weed it and water it, tip bad stuff on it,and it will surely die. Tend to it daily, care for it, water and weed it, even talk to it, and it will flourish and bring you happiness and satisfaction.

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 5, 2008 2:14 PM

Oh dear...I was reading through your list, WnW, and ticking them all off...but then I came to non-argumentative...ah well...can't help myself if I don't agree with something, or someone, or see an injustice of some form happening...gotta get in there and give my point of view!!

Is this my downfall with men, that I may be too opinionated and strong willed? Interesting...

Also, further to advising you yesterday, I noticed in a following post that you said you "may" have been a bit possessive?? I'm thinking now that you need to really look at that one because it could be the whole problem...just another thought!

Posted by: istj54 at January 5, 2008 2:13 PM

Just lost the last post so here I go again.

Woodnwine

From my personal perspective that is` what I want , and that doesnt change from day to day, but then I am so predictable I am boring :). And your list is not dangerous , I am sure that is what all of us are looking for, it is just proving difficult to find . And I have to apologize for the one sided epic I posted.........I think sometimes women forget perhaps that men need all the emotional good stuff also, to be loved, hugged, and appreciated. I am reminded of that every day by my 19 yr old son who is a very emotionally open, touch and feel (in a good way) human being.

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 5, 2008 2:11 PM

jenjen 57 good post,
paragraph,3.
Listen, I can't agree more, But this assumes she can & will communicate. If she will she has to do so so he understands. Turning your back or not being forth wright --been there myself doesn't help.
woodnwine's list is what both sexes want. We both make mistakes.
Nothing of Value comes without a price! Relationships , no matter where you are need to be worked on daily.
northern9

Posted by: northern9 at January 5, 2008 2:06 PM

This is VERY dangerous but here is a list of what I would like in a woman (in no particular order):
physically attractive
mentally attractive
passionate & interested
similar sense of humour, interests, music, movies, pleasures
unpretentious
loyal, trustworthy & honest
compassionate & understanding
calm & non-argumentative
a good communicator
fun to be around
attainable

Posted by: woodnwine at January 5, 2008 1:38 PM

jenjen - another interesting post but I think this is only what women want sometimes ...... and we are supposed to be able to figure out when.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 5, 2008 1:32 PM

That's an interesting "list" MrWolf...although I don't wish for (or have done) at least half of the first list...and have NO desire to be Prime Minister...what were THOSE women thinking!!!

I'm certainly not obsessed with my weight, am wondering why better sex comes before meeting the partner of your dreams (I'd have thought THAT one would be further up the list), I have a good sense of humour so scratch that.....

Improvements...maybe not to be so picky...but THAT doesn't feature...ahhh..back to the drawing board..keep 'em coming Steppenwolf...they're a good read

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 5, 2008 1:27 PM

Women want it all or none of it. They want to be understood but not type-cast; they want to be happy but allowed to be sad; they want companionship but don’t need someone to be happy; they want honesty but seldom the truth; they want equality while being placed on a pedestal and most of all they want respect. Respect for who they are, where they’ve come from and where they are going. Don’t pity them, coddle them or treat them with kid gloves. Today’s woman is a woman of diversity and contradictions. What she wants today is not what she will want tomorrow because she is setting new goals. Why men can’t figure women out is because they are a masterpiece in progress. A woman doesn’t grow old; she just gets better. Wonder why you can’t put lightning in a bottle? Because it just moves too quick.

Just like women. Ask your average man what 2 + 2 equals and he’ll say “4” every time. Ask a woman and she’ll say “looks like a little get together.” Women are always one step ahead and always will be.

If we are to keep up there are a few keys to our survival. Number one, listen. Number two, listen. Number three, listen. See a pattern here? We men do a lot of hearing and not enough listening. Want to stay out of trouble? Listen. Want to be the man of the house? Listen. Want to have a long loving relationship? Listen. My God, listen till the blood drips from your ears; listen till you want to scream out a solution; listen until she has nothing left to say and when she’s done, shut up and listen some more. Women are the caregivers and if you want her to give, you’d better do some caring.

Number four, hug her. Hug her in the morning, hug her before you leave to work, e-mail her a hug and hug her ten times when you get home. A woman is a fire. Want to keep her burning? You have to fan the flames. You do that with hugs.

Number five, don’t lie. Don’t white lie, don’t sugar coat the truth, tell it like it is. A woman can forgive a lot of things but she won’t put up with a snake in the grass liar. If you screw up, lost your Christmas bonus at the track, forgot to take out the trash, catches you staring at another woman, give it up, take your licks and move on. I repeat, a woman can forgive anything, but she will not allow herself to be disrespected. Lie to a woman you are dissing her. Tell the truth, you live to play another day.

Six, structure. Every woman I talked to listed structure in their top three needs. A woman wants stability, balance, a sense of order. She wants someone she can rely on. You say you’re going to be home at 6:00, you be home at 6:00. Running late? Call. The hardest thing for us guys is to differenciate between support and total control. Creating a foundation and stability doesn’t mean trying to solve all the problems to the point you disempower the one you love. Your love is not a crutch but a bond. A bond where dependability is synonymous with trust.

Seven, love them. Love them most of all. Let it all out. Let it all out every day, every minute of every second of every day. Be love, crawl up inside of it and approach every problem with the question what would love do now? If you do this, fear will never enter your life.

What do women want? They just want to be happy like us. They just have a different way to show it. If you learn their language, listen when you’d rather speak, hug instead of just walking away, tell the truth till it hurts, be a man she can depend on and love her like you love yourself. You’ll no longer ask what women want, they’ll be asking you what you want and give it to you.

by Fred Cuellar the Diamond Guy®

From a womans perspective, this bloke is spot on. This IS what we want.

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 5, 2008 1:16 PM

steppenwolf - if that survey truly indicates what women want then I think most of us men may as well leave this site now. Frankly, I was amazed, maybe I am just naieve (can never spell that word).

Posted by: woodnwine at January 5, 2008 1:07 PM

...for the last part: 10 or 8 are my choices.

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 5, 2008 12:23 PM

Awww, thats 'nice', you have a 'nice' day now. (hehe - sorry)

Posted by: mrsteppenwolf at January 5, 2008 12:42 PM

woodnwine at January 5, 2008 11:48 AM

The year is young, so you may have them beating your door down yet!

Posted by: mstingle at January 5, 2008 12:30 PM

What do men want? Maybe they could also tell us.
Maybe it really is just mars and venus! god - I hate that book.
Our "nice" really is just a cover word, I think. One size fits all?

Posted by: today122 at January 5, 2008 9:56 AM

notgodsgift answered this, remember..and NF had a list. I would be interested in guys fessing up and telling us exactly what they want in a woman though. Friend and lover? I think WnW posted a while ago.

mrsteppenwolf: the survey

for the first part: 1 and 3 and maybe 5
for the second part: none, my quality of life does not depend on any of these. you would think 8 and 7, 6 but my life quality is actually fine. Anything else is icing on the cake. I have the cake already.

for the last part: 10 or 8 are my choices.

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 5, 2008 12:23 PM

On the word "nice"

When I was at primary school (not that long ago) our teacher banned the word "nice"......she said it was bland and gave no indication or insight into what you really thought. If we used the word "nice" she would brand our work with a big "F"!! This is to 10 year olds mind you!

I think that you use the word "nice" when you are non-commital about something....it's neither here nor there......and it is usually said without much thought. "Nice" is often the first word that comes to mind when we have to comment about something. Sometimes it seems that people use it just to have something to say about a thing, a place, or a person. It can sound so patronizing. And because it is so overused, it loses its meaning. And "nice" becomes a sad little empty word.

Posted by: misswendyxx at January 5, 2008 12:04 PM

Posted by: today122 at January 5, 2008 9:56 AM
...the age old question was asked as to what women really want???
Is it really that hard?
If men actually listened they might actually find out.

hence:
A recent survey of UK women resulted in these lists; note that Marriage to a wealthy man is fourth - making it a more popular fantasy than gaining a university degree or having children.

Q: In your fantasy world, which of the following would you like to fulfil?

1 Travel the world

2 Develop my own successful company

3 Learn a new language

4 Marry a wealthy man

5 Gain top qualifications in university

6 Have children

7 Star opposite my favourite actor/actress

8 I would keep my life exactly the same

9 Win X Factor

10 Become Prime Minister

Q: Which of the following would improve the quality of your life?

1 To weigh less

2 Better home

3 More time to myself

4 More time with my family/friends

5 A new wardrobe

6 Better job

7 Better sex

8 Meet the partner of my dreams

9 Cosmetic surgery

10 Children/more children

Q: If you could improve one thing about yourself, what would it be?

1 Better body

2 More assertive

3 Less emotional

4 More beautiful

5 More intelligent

6 More athletic

7 More popular

8 More compassionate

9 More sexual partners

10 Better sense of humour

Just general food for thought - as i wrote in my earlier posting.

Posted by: mrsteppenwolf at January 5, 2008 11:58 AM

Neuroticfish - yes, wonders will never cease will they? That made a total of one new date for last year, now what about this year?

Posted by: woodnwine at January 5, 2008 11:48 AM

correction: tall is not essential. misswendyxx, umm am a bit behind in the ironing as its quite hot in Adelaide. Am going to the beach later today. Got asked fishing so I said I would pretend to fish, then go swimming later. Anyone coming swimming?

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 5, 2008 11:40 AM

The word you seek is "Imanenigma"

Posted by: imanenigma at January 5, 2008 9:55 AM

imanenigma, are you saying you are "nice" or the man we are all looking for LOL : )))

And I think for women it is an instinctive subconscious thing. We can just feel the difference.

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 5, 2008 10:39 AM

Yes jenjen, I think it is a gut and heart feeling, I will know when I meet him.

Posted by: junebaby57 at January 5, 2008 8:20 AM

I want a combination of both, the traits that attracted me, all in 1 person. So nice, compassionate, funny, loves a laugh, can be wicked/naudi at times, tall and still youngish, has respect for women, is over the sad stuff in his past, likes animals, loves to chat, loves a bit of romance, wants a relationship, doesn't want to get marrried or move in until we both want it....still likes a bit of time to himself, after all we are not joined at the hip, as I still like a bit of time to me!!

junebaby57, we are both after the same guy its seems but I do not have the ideal of a business person/owner..an equal and someone I like heaps, not someone who views me as a meal ticket of course. Someone with employment. I am not "there" yet as I still have some uni to go and I will work also from now on as I have to really, to travel and other things. I would like to find someone who wanted to travel also but who is equally happy to be at home with family, friends, pets, doing nothing sometimes. I have been listening to lots of music lately, quite relaxing.

ijst54 sounds like you had a nice NYD. Mine was very relaxed. Hope 2008 is good for you ; ))

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 5, 2008 11:37 AM

Jenjen57 ......you would be most welcome!!! Now the ironing sounds great.....but you might have to check with Slightsynchronicity as she does my ironing for me :)

Posted by: misswendyxx at January 5, 2008 11:25 AM

A young man at a New Year’s party turns to his
friend and asks for a cigarette.
'I thought you made a New Year’s resolution to quit
smoking,' his friend says.
'I'm in the process of quitting,' the man says.
'Right now, I am in the middle of phase one.'
'What's phase one?'
'I've quit buying.'

That will be me this year..........quit smoking , but I will also quit buying !! Gotta stop. Bit like bad boys, you know they arent good for you but you cant help yourself :)

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 5, 2008 11:18 AM

mstingle............yes agree with misswendy, nice to put a face to the name :)

misswendy..............hmmmmmm, 37 degrees and hot and sunny, feel like a visitor ?? I dont eat much and I am good at ironing !!

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 5, 2008 11:13 AM

Hi Mstingle - The photo is great....it's nice to put a face to the name...not that it is essential to do so here on the blogs...but good for us curious ones!

JenJen57 - Well it's 37 down this way....think I might hit the beach if my kids aren't already beached out from camping down at Torquay over the New Year.

Posted by: misswendyxx at January 5, 2008 11:09 AM

mstingle

In response to your question to today122, No it is NOT sunny in Brisbane. It is overcast, not raining (for once), but very soggy. I am so over it !!! Who has our summer weather ?? GIVE IT BACK !! Havent been swimming at all yet , the pool is an icicle :( Whinge, moan, complain etc............

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 5, 2008 10:51 AM

archerrising at January 5, 2008 9:53 AM

Yes when I get my paper that will be fine, to look for someone with an equal income. Both my marriages were to men that did not have much. The old fashioned way of being with someone for love and not money all that did was bring stress to relationships that went nowhere, well for me in anycase. I am sure there are decent men that are not fianancially well off. Looking at statistics mind, one of the major causes of divorce is finacial hardship. I had a number of offers before and after my first marriage to be with fianancially well of men and my friends told me to go for it. I refused because I was not going out with someone just because they were well off. My boyfriend between both of my marriages was well off but I refused his marriage preposal due to, as a couple of you ladies have said was totally into himself and manipulative. I have now come to think, I am in no hurry so why sould I not look for someone that is both finacially secure and is a top bloke. Surely they exist? We have all tried relationships that have failed, rich or poor. I suppose we will keep on trying until we find someone that is right for us.

Posted by: mstingle at January 5, 2008 10:50 AM

Posted by: onlinedatingexpert at January 5, 2008 7:22 AM

Your analysis of how women see bad boys nice guys and jerks is spot on. And I think for women it is an instinctive subconscious thing. We can just feel the difference.

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 5, 2008 10:39 AM

today122 at January 5, 2008 9:43 AM

Thanks for the feed back. It is a lovely sunny day finally, not that I mind the rain, I find that when it rains it is soothing and the grey skies easy to chill out under. I just hadn't seen it so over cast for so long, nearly two weeks of it I think. Is it sunny down your way?

Posted by: mstingle at January 5, 2008 10:34 AM

today122 - "he who pays the piper calls the tune. Is that because they think that's all they have to offer?"
I think it was in my former partner's case. He used to complain that his kids treated him like a walking wallet, but it was the only way he ever offered or tried to help. He was pretty unstable emotionally, to tell the truth. And no matter how much I tried to reassure him, it was to no avail. When we first got together I told him get rid of his wealth as I'd be happy if we were both on modest incomes. But although he didn't like the down side of his money, he enjoyed the power and recognition I think.

Posted by: archerrising at January 5, 2008 10:26 AM

The sales-letter approach to a profile seems to be working considerably better than my dozen or so previous profile attempts. Over the last few days, I've been sending out a bunch of kisses to test it out and have gone from a 10% success rate to a 40%-50% success rate (with positive replies anyway). Could just be New Year's spirit or some other variable, though.

Assuming the content is the only variable, here's some of what doesn't work for the average guy:

- a spiritual/mystical profile
- an intellectual/academic profile
- a romantic/deep/poetic profile
- a woman-bashing profile (no surprises there, but who knows these days?)
- a carefully-insinuate-you're-popular-with-the-ladies profile
- a heartbroken/baggage profile
- a want-to-settle-down-with-kids profile
- an investment-banker profile
- a psychobabble profile
- a car-fanatic profile
- a one-thing-on-his-mind profile
- a two-line profile
- an online-dating-expert-who's-written-a-book profile (I think too many viewers assume you're serious)

My experience on here has shown me that trying to be too clever fails miserably. Sticking to the basics has turned out much better:

- no negativity
- no cliches
- don't say it; show it (positivity, confidence, sense of humour, thoughtfulness)
- add some humour
- check spelling and grammar
- address the reader personally
- benefits not features

That last one is so simple that I couldn't believe I'd been ignoring it for so long. It's the kind of thing that's so obvious that you don't even bother following it. The "benefits not features" is probably the only reason the sales-letter approach is doing considerably better -- all the other approaches ignored it while toying with a mix of the other tips.

"Benefits not features" - the sales & advertising motto. Simply put, "What's in it for me?" We're all self-absorbed egocentrics in the dating world. We don't care who other people are, what they do, or what they have to say. We care only about what they can do for us and how they can make us feel.

Practical application: We should limit the "Who cares?" aspects of our profiles and increase the "How does that benefit me?" aspects.

Compare:

"Hi, I'm just seeing how I go on this site. I'm into a lot of different things -- sports, travel, music, books. I like a night out on the town, being with friends and family, and the occasional fine dining."

vs.

"Hi, I know how to make you feel great. If you're looking for plenty of joy and laughter in your life, you've found the right person."

Posted by: onlinedatingexpert at January 5, 2008 10:16 AM

Good list there Riversong....about covers it "nicely". I think you have hit the nail on the head Riversong...men who are actually "nice" but are rejected for whatever reason (maybe its that "chemistry" thing), blame it on women not liking "nice" guys. Not true...just one of those things. Chalk it up to experience and move on :)

Iamenigma...that is too funny...clever though :)

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 5, 2008 10:12 AM

yes, riversong1. Someone said that if the players only had signs on their foreheads!! then we'd know and wouldn't fall for it. ah, that's life.
What do players get out of it though?

Posted by: today122 at January 5, 2008 10:11 AM

hi riversong1. but if a man really liked the woman would he not like being pursued? Or is it evolutionary or something? Equal pursuing? - just a thought.
and archerrising - he who pays the piper calls the tune. Is that because they think that's all they have to offer?

Posted by: today122 at January 5, 2008 10:09 AM

Disagree with onlinedatingexpert re definition of "bad boys" always being obvious. I would include Players as bad boys, and the better they are, the better they are disguised!

Today 122, I think the reason women so often fall for Players is that they are so very goood at it! (Lots of experience I suppose.) They know exactly how to spot an emotionally vulnerable woman, give her what she wants, go for the jugular, then hit and run.

How did we get onto these topics? I think we got bored and changed the subject to something more interesting and relevant to singledom than NYE!

Posted by: riversong1 at January 5, 2008 10:08 AM

Agree with you all about semantics and generalisations - words can have many different meanings, and everone interprets them differently.

Yes, "nice" is a very bland word, but it is broad and inclusive, and maybe makes more sense when used in dating to understand what it EXCLUDES:
Players are not nice.
Cassanovas are not nice.
Users are not nice.
Stalkers are not nice.
Two-timers are not nice.
Perverts and not nice.
"Nice" includes the rest after excluding the jerks above.

On the other hand, people with bland personalities MAY be nice (just not very interesting).

Re where the whole idea of women rejecting nice guys? Perhaps it orginated because when women reject a player/cassanova/two-timer/bad boy, no-one blinks an eye. But when she rejects someone who is "nice" but for whatever reason not the one she is looking for, they cry "why do women always reject the nice guys".

Agree with Mrsteppenwolf - lukewarm doesn't get men very far. Women like to be ardently pursued, but only if they like the guy (I think it's the opposite with men - the more a woman pusues, the faster they run!)

Posted by: riversong1 at January 5, 2008 10:05 AM

Imanenigma - which word? the one to replace NICE???

Posted by: today122 at January 5, 2008 9:58 AM

Nice - mmm. On one of the blogs just recently, the age old question was asked as to what women really want???
Is it really that hard?
If men actually listened they might actually find out. What we want - and wild generalisation here, but never mind - respect, loyalty, honesty, and someone grown up, who takes responsibility for themselves, and actually "gets" who they are and how they make other people feel, someone who doesn't make us feel like their mother, by expecting these things. If that's "nice" then good.
What do men want? Maybe they could also tell us.
Maybe it really is just mars and venus! god - I hate that book.
Our "nice" really is just a cover word, I think. One size fits all?

Posted by: today122 at January 5, 2008 9:56 AM

The word you seek is "Imanenigma"

Posted by: imanenigma at January 5, 2008 9:55 AM

mstingle - it sounds like where you are is where I have been, studying for a better financial future and all. I did eventually meet the man in a better financial position while I was studying. Unfortunately, he really was rich - and also probably thought of himself as "nice". However, in reality he believed that "he who pays the piper calls the tune" and that he'd bought and paid for me.
Now that I have the bit of paper from uni and a reasonable job and wage, I agree with junebaby57. I want someone with financial means who is at roughly the same point as I am, or only slightly better.

Posted by: archerrising at January 5, 2008 9:53 AM

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 5, 2008 9:39 AM

Who wants to blog about NYE's when their plans fell through??...I could cast my mind back but the thing is my back up plan always worked. No am not sharing angsy NYE stories from years ago. Love the baboon analogy.

NF: perhaps counselling on the first date instead of years into the relationship is the way to go, not just to the shrink?

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 5, 2008 9:52 AM

WoodnWhine. Do I gather from the preceding blogs that you actually found a woman on this site to go out with? Wonders will never cease! I bet you took her out to dinner! No wonder you are miserable again.

I told you quite specifically that the first date should always be to a psychiatrist’s office!

Posted by: neuroticfish at January 5, 2008 9:48 AM

yeah - passive aggressive is only manipulative. keeps you wondering the whole time, and is just abusive in the long run.
(mstingle - glad to see the photo, had a peek :) it's lovely, so don't worry)
and SSC - NYE without the kids? why? a friend of mine used to always leave some very sad disappointed kids at home, who just wanted to enjoy the celebration with their mum.

Posted by: today122 at January 5, 2008 9:43 AM

junebaby57 at January 5, 2008 8:20 AM

Yes sounds like an ideal man, however I would not like an equal in the financial stakes becuase at present I am not so great financially but I am studying to provide me with a more financially secure future. I don't want someone that is also facing it hard financially at the moment so that there is two of us with that stress, rather someone that is fianancial secure who I can learn from and later I will be just as financial as secure witrh my own career. Honest I like, so I wont denigh what I am looking for.

Posted by: mstingle at January 5, 2008 9:42 AM

This blog is off on a wild tangent...you think RSVP notices?? Steppenwolf..I'm not sure where you get your information but I'm probably not all that surprised that women want rich...however that doesn't even feature on my "wish list". I think that just adds even more problems to the mix.

As for nice...what a wonderful lesson in semantics....wonder what other word we could substitute for "a decent man who doesn't behave like a babboon, uses his utensils, manners, doesn't contribute loud noises to the conversation, can actually HAVE a conversation, isn't after sex in the first 3.5 minutes, and remembers to call when he says he would"...."fictitious" springs to mind!

I'm not really that cynical....I"m sure women are equally "nice"....but the guys are too "nice" to pull us apart in this manner..... :) Morning bloggers....welcome to Saturday!

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 5, 2008 9:39 AM

onlinedatingexpert at January 5, 2008 7:22 AM

Yes passive agression I agree can be a trait in some that appear to be nice. This is not nice at all it is quite manipulative and sometimes it takes you awhile to work out what is exactly going on, with these types of people.

Posted by: mstingle at January 5, 2008 9:35 AM

misstingle, sorry it was you I was mentioning the tent with, thought aliane posted it. Oh and the idea of a venue where children can be as well is a great idea as why should the children miss out?

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 5, 2008 9:30 AM

OK, not "nice" but real and genuine (thanks today122 and) normal and not a player, will that do?

If it was a chilli con carne I would expect spicey, not nice.

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 5, 2008 9:22 AM

no I am not after a rich guy, or I would have sent the looking forward to your email response to the alpha males who seemed to have a lot materially. "Please update your profile", I learned, does not work for me.

aliane, yes a tent pitched in a quiet but safe spot, as NYE can be rowdy. The caravan park I am thinking of has strict noise rules and is a stones throw from the beach. You can hear the waves...seemed like a good idea when I was down there last weekend.

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 5, 2008 9:20 AM

Posted by: kransky at January 5, 2008 12:03 AM

Re: nice my dictionary says (of a person) kind, good natured. ODE, and steppenwolf, perhaps me being 44 - nice could just mean different things. My impressions about men formed in my teens occurred before all the dating advice books and different schools of thought. No offence intended by the use of the word nice and it is subject to individual interpretation.

today122 personally I do not feel the topic is helpful and why would we went to discuss past NYE failures, where we could have been sad or alone? I always spent NYE with someone...and had my kids with me a lot. Sure have had a couple of angst ridden NYE in the past, but I do not want to go there.

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 5, 2008 9:16 AM

"If you get a yes, it is time to kick in with ODE’s advice and not be so lovely and giving. Hold back, being too nice and interested can scare the ladies off. We need time to think about whether we want to take it further with you, and, if you act too smitten, we don’t want to hurt you and so will cool it off…so if you have another chance, take it very slowly and don’t be too available or nice…well be nice but be busy with other things too. Worth a shot since you sound like cupid has hit his target!! Good Luck!"

This is where the nice talk came from and you will notice I just said not to be "too" nice...didn't say be a player or a bad boy or a jerk...just don't smother us as it can be scary when it is too soon, and, as someone else said, we are still thinking about whether to continue with you...It can be a dealbreaker if we think you like us "too" much, "too" soon. Most women don't want to lead men on and so will stop the relationship altogether.

My advice was to hold back, relax, not be too available and take it slowly next time...but have some fun too.

Dating is what it is all about and that is supposed to be a fun, getting to know each other time. It's not a he/she seems great, let's have "the talk" before they escape time.
We've all waited this long why not have some fun with dating without the expectation that every date or relationship will be Nirvana.

If we want to be with the next "real" one, why all the haste? Enjoy dating for what it actually is in 2008.

On topic: I had a variety of experiences on New Year's Day...hot weather, driving through scenic countryside and beaches, friends, laughter, good food, being smiled at by a variety of men and women, good coffee, "nice" wine, shared confidences, happy and sad, good music and a good long sleep...hope my year, and yours, is filled with more of the same.

Question: What did you think when I said it was a "nice" wine?

Posted by: istj54 at January 5, 2008 9:11 AM

ODE good to see you back in blogland, and you are also correct in your summary of nice versus bad, I have met men who claim to be "Nice" but they are hiding stuff, like being regimented control freaks, wanting stuff done thier way, only thier way, they just do it with a smile!! Or at the opposite end, someone being a real sloth, is so laid back that he can't make any decisions , at all, they wnat you to do it for them!!! But both these guys claim the title "nice"!!!!

Maybe the word "nice" a bit like the word "should" need to be deleted from our dictionary....jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at January 5, 2008 8:39 AM

morning junebaby.
yep - sounds like a shopping list hey :) I'll have one of those and a bit of that. ha! but how hard should it be?
but - rich men. no way jose. rich only means power and dependence and manipulation and expectation. I think that idea was put out there by men who work too hard and resent women sharing some of their hard earned $$, or else think all they have to do is be rich and all their other nasty bits don't matter.

Posted by: today122 at January 5, 2008 8:28 AM

How on earth did a new years eve topic suddenly get to be a debate on nice?
And how do men who consider themselves to be nice take all this debate? We're very sexist here. A discussion on nice or otherwise women would be howled down.
Anyway - ODE's "nice" = clueless, butter wouldn't melt, "what did I do wrong", narcissistic even? And I think you may be spot on, ODE, nice boys trying trying but hiding, and harming because of that? My husband fitted that like a glove.
So - we want real then, rather than nice, kind and sincere and genuine.
It's only a word after all! all semantics.

Posted by: today122 at January 5, 2008 8:22 AM

morning all in blogland

if the NYE and NYD is an indication of what the rest of the year will be like, that would be gr8. I spent the last 8 days at the coast, with family and friends and we didn't fight once!!! I ate lots, drank lots, caught up on all my sleep, got sun, surf, when it was to hot at the beach, floated in the pool, I am so stress free and relaxed at the moment, damn shame I have to go back to work on Monday!!!

Re mr nice guy, and the bad boys, I have always been attracted to bad boys, because they have that edge or sparkle in thier personality. My husband was one!! But I never works out, longh term, so I have spent 2007 working out what I want, and dating a lot!!

I want a combination of both, the traits that attracted me, all in 1 person. So nice, compassionate, funny, loves a laugh, can be wicked/naudi at times, tall and still youngish, has respect for women, is over the sad stuff in his past, likes animals, loves to chat, loves a bit of romance, wants a relationship, doesn't want to get marrried or move in until we both want it....still likes a bit of time to himself, after all we are not joined at the hip, as I still like a bit of time to me!! He needs to have a career or business, I am a stickler on this as I have a career that I will be in for some time, I want an equal!! he has to like good food, wine as well as his beer, chocolate and ME!!! God it sounds like a profile list, but that is it in a nutshell.

Re the point about women only wanting rich men....that's B**s**t, I want an equal. I have worked hard, since the youngest was 6 months old, with no maintainence or help from the ex!!! I am on a comfortable wage, my boys are 18 and 22, I can see light at the end of the tunnel, so I now want to have some fun, get out to show's, dining, weekends away, it doesn't have to be expensive, I will pay half costs for stuff, but I want to get out, so I need an equal, someone at the same stage in thier journey!!

I think a lot of independant established women want something similar to this, who would have thought that it would be so hard to find!!
Have a lovely day...jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at January 5, 2008 8:20 AM

The typical "nice guy" is anything but nice. I know this from my own experience and introspection as a reformed "nice guy". He can be very passive aggressive, manipulative, and bitter, with woman-hating or woman-complaining tendencies -- usually more hurtful than the so-called "bad boys" who have no ulterior motives or hidden agendas for the simple reason that everything of theirs, warts and all, is on full display already, thus making them more genuine. Guess it goes back to the saying that the enemy you know is better than the enemy you don't know. The "bad boys" usually have no pretensions, don't need to manipulate or plot against women with head games (they don't go home analysing their interactions and planning future interactions), and end up being more spontaneous and fun. "Bad boy" doesn't necessarily mean jerk or wifebeater. Some of those biker types, though getting into frequent fights and having histories of drug abuse, have been known to treat their women with tremendous respect, without being the typical "nice guy" overbearing clinger. There's a difference between bad boys and jerks. The ones who fancy themselves nice guys are usually protesting too much and are actually the biggest jerks, which is why women, based on personal experience, are wary of the guys who seem too nice.

Posted by: onlinedatingexpert at January 5, 2008 7:22 AM

ode thank God they closed that other blog,i was just about to slash my wrists after your posts.

Posted by: didget at January 4, 2008 5:12 PM

Misswindex you seem to have contracted a virius from the WnW and ODE (i wish he would ODE), I think they call it verbal diarrhoea

Posted by: didget at January 4, 2008 7:36 PM

--------------------------------------

Didget, last time I replied to a critical post, I ended up banned. When I had my posting rights restored, I promised I wouldn't take the bait.

So let me just say I've given your posts the consideration they deserve. Don't slash your wrists just yet. You never know when I might OD, saving you the need to slash. Perhaps stick around for half a year more, and if I'm still shakin' it at that time, slash away.

If you'd just give my remote-controlled motorcycle idea a fair go, you may be surprised at the outcome, mate. I'm planning on giving it another whirl later today.

Posted by: onlinedatingexpert at January 5, 2008 6:54 AM

mrsteppenwolf at January 5, 2008 12:48 AM

Good post.

Posted by: mstingle at January 5, 2008 12:53 AM

Women want a "Nice Guy", "Bad Boy","funny guy" ...really??
Polls find the what MOST women want, is a "Rich MAN" !
but,
As for manners etc , the recent flood of seduction guidebooks has most people very confused i think. Cocky funny etc has men acting like jerks and thinking they are alphamales, and the frustraed women are coping quite a bad time for their troubles - they learn the hard way .
FYI - a alpha male is ACTUALLY the PROTECTOR of a tribe.
Different cultures have their own particular customs, etiquettes and body languages. None of us are even the same personalities each and every day, hence generalisations are largely a waste of time.
The one thing that i would suggest is that women(and men) dont like a weak attemp at seduction being tried upon them.
If you dont have the fully committed desire to carry you with confidence to suceeding with your intended, then dont be surprised if you are passed over, in lew of a more ardent applicant .
You dont just want a job, "you want to buy the company ".

Posted by: mrsteppenwolf at January 5, 2008 12:48 AM

slightsynchronicity at January 3, 2008 9:51 PM

A tent by the ocean is great idea! Seeing the sun go down on one year and the sunrise again to begin a new one. Whilst in between over night listening to the waves lap against the shore, how magical. I would want to pick my caravan park wisely or be able to camp somewhere where there are not to many party revellers, so that I could just enjoy the magic. Otherwise I may as well go to a New Years Eve party. Either one is good or fine dining, just if I am going camping I would like to just enjoy nature as the New Year was experienced.

aliane at January 4, 2008 1:10 PM

You may have been sad NYE last year but your life style sound very glamourous and exciting to me but of course we can lead many lives that sound so peachy to others but we can still be lonely, can’t we. I enjoy your post’s because I like to hear about others peoples lives especially if they are vastly different from mine and about any cultures and countries, travel is my passion.

aliane at January 4, 2008 2:48 PM
Yes so true, I try to make the most of any occasion with my children, no matter how much or how little I have at the time, so that they have memories of how their childhoods were and how to make magical things and moments happen no matter what.

woodnwine at January 4, 2008 2:25 PM
If we could I would have NYS where there was a venue that I could enjoy it with my children with child care people catering to the children as minders with me and to have a great time with all my new friends (fantasizing here) from RSVP. At a location that was ideal for adults and children to enjoy themselves. Areas for children with child care, areas just for adults and areas for adults and children to enjoy the new year together. Of course when 12midnight arrived I would be in the childrens’s Adults area. I have not spent NYE without the children and a few mins why should anyone mind.

abckenny at January 4, 2008 4:33 PM
Maybe some do, I do not know, I can’t speak for other women. All women are different just as men are. Some men are nice but I would not say that all nice men were the same. There fore not all nice men would be weak. For someone to be considered weak it would take more in the equation to just being nice. So all you nice men out there do not stop being nice just don’t be afraid to be nice and also to have something else about your character that will attract the one for you.

abckenny at January 4, 2008 5:24 PM
My first husband was definitely a bad boy, I was definitely not going to be involved with one again and don’t intend to. My second husband you could consider a nice boy our relationship did not end because he was nice, like I said there is more to the equation, in his case it was he was not only nice he was asexual so, it just came down to yes he was nice but I needed more than nice, for me at any rate. Now because he is a nice man we are still good friends maybe he will find someone that does not want sex in a relationship or someone that will make all the moves, what ever, I think we all deserve happiness if we are nice, no matter how we work. Different strokes for different folks.

woodnwine at January 4, 2008 7:07 PM
I am sorry that it did not go so well, I missed your posts. Maybe you did nothing wrong, maybe the chemistry was okay for you but not for her. At least you werent strung endlessly on for a great deal of time then dumped not knowing how to go on with out her, who ever she may be. I know this probably sounds like cold comfort. All I can go on is your posts and you sound swell to me.

Posted by: mstingle at January 5, 2008 12:38 AM

but yes - we'll know nice when we see it, hopefully!

Posted by: today122 at January 5, 2008 12:26 AM

and no - I don't think Bono is nice either, however we put it! Nice is - um, there must be someone around, um, thinking, folding arms, still thinking, um, that Grant guy on the singing show. mmm now maybe that's insipid.
But I'll go with yours, wishfulthinker, that's not nice! Describing food as nice means that you're really not sure what it is but you'd better pay a compliment and eat up or else! :)

Posted by: today122 at January 5, 2008 12:24 AM

Posted by: kransky at January 5, 2008 12:03 AM

I have a different idea of nice to you kransky..I know what I mean.

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 5, 2008 12:20 AM

How good it would be to find one of these "nice" men...where to they hide? I think I met one, once, but so rare are they that I let him go...never to be seen again!!! Ahhh such is life!

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 4, 2008 11:59 PM

I hope to meet a nice guy, not a "bad boy" maybe they are camoflagued (probably spelt wrong). Don't give up bloggers.

Posted by: didget at January 5, 2008 12:15 AM re: the dentist

Still better than that first meeting I had : ))

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 5, 2008 12:19 AM

yes, kransky, but you also think that you are nice. sorry, just had a peak!
"nice" to me can mean insipid, inoffensive, spineless. But maybe we just mean kind and not a nutter or a player. It's just a word. Maybe nice means genuine and sincere and secure. or maybe it's noice, unusual blah blah a la Kath & Kim?

Posted by: today122 at January 5, 2008 12:18 AM

See what I mean...Kransky has another version of "nice". Nice to me means he hasn't tried to fill me full of cheap wine in order to get me drunk and vulnerable, nice means he hasn't slobbered all over me at our first meeting (oh don't we love THAT one), nice means he has used his manners (and his napkin), nice does not mean he is inoffensive!

Kransky...a well made chilli con carne would be VERY nice, along with grandma's lamingtons....and just for the record...I'd not call Bono nice....whatever the definition :)

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 5, 2008 12:14 AM

To be called "nice" is not a good thing. Let me explain.

Anybody can be "nice". Your aunt or the eternally cheery mailman are "nice". But also some Nazis were considered to be "nice" family men. People on trial are made to look "nice", wearing natty cheap suits from Man-o-Man.

Nice implies being inoffensive.

But "nice" can also mean bereft of character. Either without the having the courage to prove ones integrity, or simply because one has lived an insipid middle class existence without ever needing to have one's mettle tested.

Virtue without strength is meaningless.

My grandma made a "nice" lamington slice. But would you call a well-made chilli con carne "nice"?

I wouldn't call Che Guevara "nice", but I might if he had a haircut, a shave and an inane dorky grin.

Bono is a humanitarian, but I wouldn't call him "nice" because that would diminish him to something bland and weak.

So girls, the next time you call your eternally single male friend "nice", don't think you are doing him a favour with this psychological castration.

Posted by: kransky at January 5, 2008 12:03 AM

Today122..I think that the whole concept of "nice" must be one of the biggest variables going....what I consider "nice" is obviously not what some of these guys think is "nice". How good it would be to find one of these "nice" men...where to they hide? I think I met one, once, but so rare are they that I let him go...never to be seen again!!! Ahhh such is life!

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 4, 2008 11:59 PM

and I totally agree with riversong1 and dolphin46. Where did this theory of nice men being rejected come from? And I don't think it's a matter of there are no nice men around. I think they're probably just as scared as the rest of us! Do we apparently reject the "nice" ones, and fall for the players, because it's safer? in that we won't have to be involved? curious

Posted by: today122 at January 4, 2008 11:42 PM

I was also told that how you spend new years day will be a forerunner for how the year will be. Mine was spent extremely slothful, miserable weather. Don't plan on spending the year that lazy! so that little theory had better not be right!
and it's STILL raining. amazing!

Posted by: today122 at January 4, 2008 11:37 PM

Steppenwolf...there is always something to spoil the party....nothing much worse than drunk people making fools of themselves and I think you saw your share NYE! Just imagine the horrible hangover they'll have the following day, while you'll be clear-headed and looking forward to the rest of 2008!

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 4, 2008 11:28 PM

My back up plan was me and the cat with a book Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 3, 2008 9:51 PM

thats what i did

Posted by: twoeyes at January 4, 2008 10:16 AM

As it is "just another night", and with the Christmas business...all that shopping, cleaning..my daughter moving out on the 21st Dec, sitting around with the cat and a book, twoeyes was very tempting. I have had a couple of New Year's Eves where I had angst. I seem to be OK in my own company now. It all takes time.

WnW hang in there, its not easy hey, to know what to say...how much space to give, how much time. If you can remain as relaxed and calm as possible, and not appear needy : l (easy to say).

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 4, 2008 11:08 PM

Gee - "women see 'nice' as a weakness"??!! Whatthe? ...are you all kidding?
Totally agree dolphin46 - the phrase I hear repeated most among single women I know is: "where have all the nice guys gone?"

Don't listen to that nonsense guys. Promulgated by women with self-esteem issues looking for masochistic repeats with "bad boys". The truth is, healthy women appreciate nice guys.

I think where things gets confused, is that women love to be pusued by someone they are keen on, but feel uncomfortably in a predicament with someone they feel less for. This could just as easily be a nice guy as bad boy. Nothing do with "nice", just the issue of mutuality.

Posted by: riversong1 at January 4, 2008 11:06 PM

mrsteppenwolf: I also thought of the emergency service workers, plus busdrivers. Was glad not to be in the city on NYE, but did see nice fireworks with friends at a distance. On New Years Day, there was rubbish and vomit around still. Yuk, I have outgrown all that at least. Courage is a good thing to hope for, and persistance maybe. All the best to you.

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 4, 2008 11:00 PM

SSC I think I'd have cut my losses after the entree and just left!!!! I know how much I hate root canal work....dentists at all for that matter. Sometimes being polite is secondary to being uncomfortable.....good on you for sticking it out but damn I feel sorry for you for doing so!!!!

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 4, 2008 10:39 PM

New Year Eve for me is a very lovely night of beautiful fireworks, spoiled somewhat by annoying road closures , and even more so by hordes of drunken men (louts) AND women, yelling slurred, monosyllabic 'happynewyear'at anyone imprudent enough to come within range of their blurred vision.
Then they progressively trashing the city precinct with urine, smashed glass and rubbish... all of doesn't particularily invite one to share in their spririt( overproof no doubt... ) so why do people feel so disappointed when they didnt have their best 'night of the year' in that sort of company?
Actually, I can't imagine a worse NYE outcome than what it must be like to be a police officer/paramedic on duty !
As for myself - NYD is a much better proposition for a great day - and a wonderful oppurtunity to start a new year with a fresh face.
Hope you all find the courage to fullfil your hearts desires - and good luck .

Posted by: mrsteppenwolf at January 4, 2008 10:21 PM

and of course it wasn't a funny evening. Just the thought of it being worse than root canal work that's all.
and it just sounds so awful. sometimes we need to laugh about these things, afterward anyway. better than cringing.

Posted by: today122 at January 4, 2008 9:19 PM

today122, I looked at the time afterwards. I can not meet someone and look at the time. A meal is 40 min or so including waiting time..then we had coffee. Well it was a bit longer but am trying to reduce it, in my mind. It was so not funny...the worst time of my life : ))) And some people are quite into sms, I guess I use email more.

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 4, 2008 9:09 PM

that is so funny SSC.
what a date that must have been :)
never thought a trip to the dentist was so appealling!!
how do you discreetly check the time when on these sort of things? we're all too polite for our own good I reckon.

Posted by: today122 at January 4, 2008 8:59 PM

dealbreakers? new years eve?
oh well.
dealbreaker - someone who makes plans for the next 20 years after the 1st date, when you haven't even decided if you're interested or not. So the next 20 years will have to go on without you, sadly. possessiveness? or just anyone will do?

but SSC - why SMS anyway? lazy insincerity I reckon. wants to say hi without the effort of actually talking.

Posted by: today122 at January 4, 2008 8:57 PM

Posted by: istj54 at January 4, 2008 7:30 PM
would you choose root canal work over meeting maybe the next love of your life? That would be "away with fairies" or "nutcase"stuff.

I would choose root canal work instead of the disastrous meal and coffee meeting I had with an acquaintence...it was that bad (posted about it a while back) Worst 2 hours I ever spent. Dentists are nice, this person wasn't. Only time in my life I would have chosen dental work over meeting a person for meal and drink. ( I thought it at the time also ; ))

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 4, 2008 8:54 PM

Posted by: woodnwine at January 4, 2008 7:07 PM

Good points WnW and FP in the beginning for posting the points originally.

First dealbreaker for me is lying. Not being true to his word is a dealbreaker. Extreme possessiveness is not good either as both parties need their own space. A bit of possessiveness is maybe OK..just depends. Being called odd pet names, such as "sweet cheeks" or "chicky babe", I don't think so. No I don't like to be smsed at 7.30am on the only morning I slept in till 8am. All other mornings I got up at 6am. Plenty of other times to sms me, but not before my two coffees. An email is better, I can read it over my coffee and it does not make a noise when it comes in.

- a man who takes you out and talks only about himself? (of course its a no, no)
-or what if he checks out other women while he’s on a date with you?(dealbreaker)

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 4, 2008 8:44 PM

digit - if we annoy you so much, don't read our crap. We don't want to make you sick after all.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 4, 2008 8:15 PM

Didforget - And a Happy New year to you too.....such hostility......oh well it's back to cleaning Jack Sparrow's portholes for me then.

Posted by: misswendyxx at January 4, 2008 8:09 PM

Disclaimer**

Deal breakers are highly individual and differ from person to person. A deal breaker is a boundary that people set for themselves due to past experiences and relationships.

It is never easy to analyse someone elses dating experience, because what constitutes a deal breaker for a woman, may not constitute a deal breaker for her date. Conversely, a romantic situation that seems like nirvana to a particular guy,might feel like sheer hell for her. And vice versa.

The deal breakers mentioned were used to illustrate a point and are not necessarily the views of the writer or representative of any particular male or female.

Stay tuned for Part 2..........
WHEN TO GO BACK FOR A 2ND DATE, closely followed by WHEN TO WALK AWAY.

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 4, 2008 7:50 PM

Disclaimer**

Deal breakers are highly individual and differ from person to person. A deal breaker is a boundary that people set for themselves due to past experiences and relationships.

It is never easy to analyse someone elses dating experience, because what constitutes a deal breaker for a woman, may not constitute a deal breaker for her date. Conversely, a romantic situation that seems like nirvana to a particular guy,might feel like sheer hell for her. And vice versa.

The deal breakers mentioned were used to illustrate a point and are not necessarily the views of the writer or representative of any particular male or female.

Stay tuned for Part 2..........
WHEN TO GO BACK FOR A 2ND DATE, closely followed by WHEN TO WALK AWAY.

Posted by: onlinedatinggoddess at January 4, 2008 7:47 PM

Didget, do I sense a bit of hostility towards me? I may be totally off here but I feel a bit of a vibe going...or maybe I am just one of those people you think are off with the fairies...I was going to answer that one but had technical difficulties.
It all depends on "your" interpretation of off with the fairies, doesn't it...I mean, would you choose root canal work over meeting maybe the next love of your life? That would be "away with fairies" or "nutcase"stuff.

I'm at stage 12 with Love Anonymous and will be back to apologise later.

Posted by: istj54 at January 4, 2008 7:30 PM

On topic - Does having a bad NYE mean you will have a bad NY day or year for that matter?

Here are some superstitions:

Empty pockets or empty cupboards on New Years Eve portend a year of poverty.

Have a clean house on New Years Eve to ensure a clean spotless house throughout the new year.

Avoid breaking things, crying and wailing on the first day of the year, if you don't want to continue the pattern for the entire year.

Full larders, cupboards stocked up with food and wallets and purses full of money bring prosperity in New Year

Pay your bills and loans before New Year Eve, so you don't have any debt left for New Year.

People do not wash hair on New Year and wear festive red clothing for happiness all the year round

Evil One and his attendants and servants hate din and loud noise. So, scare them away by being as loud in New Year celebrations as possible.

Posted by: misswendyxx at January 4, 2008 7:21 PM

Courtesy of FP -
1.Deal Breakers

The discerning female needs to be able to spot a deal breaker & then be able to work out what to do with them when faced with one as it is a tragedy to commit your love & energy to the wrong man. With this in mind, what is your deal breaker?

• a man who does not love you enough? ( I apparently did the opposite)
• a man who takes you out and talks only about himself? How about a man who doesn’t talk much at all? (I showed a lot of interest and we talked for hours)
• What qualities make you cringe? Is he cheap, a liar, jealous and possessive, or what if he checks out other women while he’s on a date with you? (I wasn't cheap, didn't lie, didn't get the opportunity to get jealous, maybe a little possessive, didn't check out other women)

Or maybe something less critical instinctively bugs you, such as

* he’s a wonderful guy but uses random, weird phrases like ‘foxy lady’ or ‘hey,baby’ (never used any random words)
* After a great date ( hey, you thought so !) he takes over a week to call again and by then you have lost momentum & interest (called straight after each date)
* he wears socks with his sandals (please! no socks)
* he is not as tall as you (much taller)

So I look forward to your continuation.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 4, 2008 7:07 PM

Hello FP and happy New Year. I read your post but it only makes me more confused as according to you I did everything right but still - crash & burn. Maybe I should have sung that song "you've lost that lovin' feeling". I should learn it just in case I get another chance.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 4, 2008 7:02 PM

Glad to hear you will be sorting out the email probs so we can continue where we left off :)

Posted by: onlinedatinggoddess at January 4, 2008 6:51 PM

Today122- I made a comment about NYE yesterday and it got removed :(

I did have a good one, spent it with family and friends.

And you?

Posted by: misswendyxx at January 4, 2008 6:42 PM

okie doke
was getting so slow to get in to anyway. So long as old Gordie and Beryl are still sitting in the long grass then all's right with the world.
and how was your new years eve? still hot in that part of the world? This message will no doubt be deleted as it's off topic or something.

Posted by: today122 at January 4, 2008 6:39 PM

Today122 - I would say that it is closed as you can't sign into it and they tend to implode after 700+ posts.

I think that the message to say that "the blog is now closed" was a fairly recent addition....previously they just closed without a message, so maybe that is what has happened.

Posted by: misswendyxx at January 4, 2008 6:34 PM

Can anyone tell me - is the relationship blog closed? no message to say so, or at least I couldn't see one. But no "sign in" thing. Or are the blogs imploding. a lot of people unable to log in.
cheers

Posted by: today122 at January 4, 2008 6:15 PM

Fantastic online dating advice for the men, courtesy of Ode ( on the relationship blog-but I can't seem to post there due to IT difficulties).

To even up the score and to ensure the women are receiving timely advice, that they can either take on board, or conversely choose to ignore, I offer the following:

HOW TO DATE SUCCESSFULLY

1.Deal Breakers

The discerning female needs to be able to spot a deal breaker & then be able to work out what to do with them when faced with one as it is a tragedy to commit your love & energy to the wrong man. With this in mind, what is your deal breaker?

• a man who does not love you enough?
• a man who takes you out and talks only about himself? How about a man who doesn’t talk much at all?
• What qualities make you cringe? Is he cheap, a liar, jealous and possessive, or what if he checks out other women while he’s on a date with you?

Or maybe something less critical instinctively bugs you, such as

* he’s a wonderful guy but uses random, weird phrases like ‘foxy lady’ or ‘hey,baby’
* After a great date ( hey, you thought so !) he takes over a week to call again and by then you have lost momentum & interest
* he wears socks with his sandals
* he is not as tall as you

You do not want to appear shallow, but something deeper is bothering you…..Commonly known as the deal breaker.

Once you learn to negotiate deal breakers in your love life, you will come into a position of true personal empowerment and create the happiness you deserve.

To be continued..

Posted by: femalepersuasion at January 4, 2008 6:01 PM

ok on topic, was camping for NYE, had a few drinks, partied with young people on site behind us, climbed into bed at 1am.... no hang over. No tummy bugs till 3rd of Jan when 95% of us got a really severe bug...........not at all related to alcohol...

Posted by: dolphin46 at January 4, 2008 5:56 PM

ok 2nd attempt to sign in.....Woodnwine and abckenny, I am another female who likes nice men, and I know I am not the only one. I avoid "bad boys" and "players" like the plague, but some men are clever in subterfuge and present as nice guys initially before letting true colors show thru. I think this looking for some one nice is a problem for both sexes.I also read somewhere that you have to meet a large no. of people here before you click with one, frustrating game of patience.For all you nice guys out there,please don't change, there are too few of you as it is.

PS sorry to veer off topic.

Posted by: dolphin46 at January 4, 2008 5:49 PM

I actually went to a party at a female friends house on NYE and was lined up with a 41 year old blonde ironwoman. However there were no sparks and in any case she is too far away to be of interest.

Suffered on NYD with a stomach bug from something I ate and was unable to go out anywhere.

Hope most of you bloggers actually got out and about on NYE.

Posted by: hermanhesse at January 4, 2008 5:46 PM

happy new year all in blog land.
hey wnw, women do like "nice" in men, at least I do! But women are wary about being swept off thier feet in the first meeting. ISTJ54's advice made plenty of sense, if you liked the person, try again!

ODE also made sense!!! and with fun...some of that advice sounded like a dvd I saw while I was at the coast, It had billy bob thornton giving advice on how to pick up women, lie, lie, lie was his key strategy!!
have a lovely evening all....jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at January 4, 2008 5:28 PM

woodnwine re Why do women see nice as a weakness? This is something I have always wanted to know.
Don't know the answer either but have often wondered why they are attracted to the bad boys over and over again.
They seek out the 'players' and 'bad boys' possibly expecting them to turn into Mr nice guy and then take it out on all men when they don't

Posted by: abckenny at January 4, 2008 5:24 PM

Too bad I missed the suntan.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 4, 2008 5:11 PM

Why do women see nice as a weakness? This is something I have always wanted to know. Because I am nice doesn't mean I am incomplete, clingy or an emotional weakling - I am just up front about my feelings and don't believe in playing games.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 4, 2008 4:57 PM

ABCKenny: Women these days seem to see nice as a weakness???

Do we??? Wow...that's news to me...I see "nice" as being a welcome thing...how good would it be to meet a "nice" man rather than a player!!!!

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 4, 2008 4:51 PM

istj54 Let's face it we were just kids in the sixties without too many expectations.
I'm all for out with the old but where is the new?
Great advice for Woody.Women these days seem to see nice as a weakness.

Posted by: abckenny at January 4, 2008 4:33 PM

Thanks ODE - all help gratefully accepted. I hope she isn't reading this but every so often (maybe twice in my life) you meet someone that is worth fighting for. Please don't suggest any underhanded tricks though - I couldn't see myself becoming a real game player.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 4, 2008 4:26 PM

istj54 - thanks very much for that advice and I will definitely try it as I am still keen to put things right if possible. It's not often in your life that you meet someone you really like and giving up is very hard indeed (although I shouldn't show that, should I?)

Posted by: woodnwine at January 4, 2008 4:15 PM

Woodnwine…here’s what to do: Wait three, or preferably four, weeks and then make a quick call to see how her new year is panning out…suggest a quick coffee or drink…be upbeat…don’t care either way about it. If she says yes, then you go, but make it quick and upbeat…just old friends catching up for a new year’s drink…leave it another two weeks, hopefully in that time she will have contacted you, but if not…call again and suggest dinner, movie, walk, whatever, and see what happens.
If you get a yes, it is time to kick in with ODE’s advice and not be so lovely and giving. Hold back, being too nice and interested can scare the ladies off. We need time to think about whether we want to take it further with you, and, if you act too smitten, we don’t want to hurt you and so will cool it off…so if you have another chance, take it very slowly and don’t be too available or nice…well be nice but be busy with other things too. Worth a shot since you sound like cupid has hit his target!! Good Luck!

Advuce is for other blog but can't get in...

Kenny, Kenny, Kenny...don't they say if you can remember the sixties you weren't there?

Never in my life have I wished to turn back time. Look back on what didn't work for you and see what you can do to make a few small changes in 2008 to make it better. It only takes small things, or a change in attitude to improve your whole outlook on life. I think that is what making resolutions is all about. Out with the old and in with the new sort of thinking.

Posted by: istj54 at January 4, 2008 3:31 PM

Can we rewind to 2007 and have New Years Eve over again?

Posted by: woodnwine
Why stop there...let's go back to the sixties when life seemed much easier and fun. 2007 was pretty ordinary.

Posted by: abckenny at January 4, 2008 3:16 PM

Can we rewind to 2007 and have New Years Eve over again?

Posted by: woodnwine at January 4, 2008 2:25 PM

Yes, just another night, asleep by 11.00pm and dreaming of what could have been. This is blog is dyingbut I can't find any others. Someone mentioned the Myspace one but how on earth do you find it. These blogs are harder to find your way through than a woman's handbag.

Posted by: woodnwine at January 4, 2008 12:42 PM

Well I have zip to contribute here because I have never not partied til the wee hours on NYE. This year at a girlfriends house with 10 or 12 others, in the company of a male RSVP er. Lucky me !! Of course we couldnt get a taxi out of there, then it started bucketing when we headed for the last bus !! All good fun !! Rather tired next day, but happy :) Roll on 2008 !

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 4, 2008 12:29 PM

Didget...that's a tough one....there are certainly a lot "off with the fairies" and if not, they are all watching Shawshank Redemption, then taking their red wine down to the beach to walk hand in hand in the moonlight....Am I being a touch too cynical here???? Good luck Didget!

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 4, 2008 11:47 AM

Ahhhhhh...New Year's Eve....firstly we hit the markets to pick up the lobsters and salads, bottle shop for champagne ..then headed to the beach for a picnic and to watch the sunset...later into the city to watch the early fireworks along the river...then home to bed to finish picnic...strawberries, brie and champagne...great music in the background as twelve chimed in and we turned to each other, looked deep into the other's eyes ready to say, "Happy New Year darling..." when I woke up out of my Melbourne heat induced sleep... and went for a lovely meal with my nephews and their wives....Families, that's what it is really all about, isn't it?

Hope this year is as good too...Happy 2008 everyone!

Posted by: istj54 at January 4, 2008 10:55 AM

I pose this as a second question.
Will it become possible this year to actually meet somebody on this site to the view of a long term relationship who is not off with the fairies?

Posted by: didget at January 3, 2008 3:40 PM

possibly

My back up plan was me and the cat with a bookPosted by: slightsynchronicity at January 3, 2008 9:51 PM

thats what i did

Sounds like quite a few of us spend New Years Eve alone this year. Fun wasn't it?

Posted by: woodnwine at January 4, 2008 8:33 AM

nope it wasnt

We bloggers do have lives, we just like to blog. Happy New Year to you and most of us on the blog seem to have had a reasonable or great New Year, so I am puzzled to the relevance of this topic.

none at all

now wasnt that fun

Posted by: twoeyes at January 4, 2008 10:16 AM

Relationship matters seems to be open...looked closed the other day though. Even highlighting the open ones topics on the right in a different colour...or a symbol? It is confusing.

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 4, 2008 9:58 AM

Posted by: woodnwine at January 4, 2008 8:33 AM

I checked on the blog New Years Eve about 2.30 am from when I got back from a very low key get together and no-one had posted since 10.30pm or so. The blog could have had a party. Peace and quiet is nice,(sometimes) but I agree WoodnWine, some times a person would rather not be alone. I find Valentine's Day worse as it is more couple orientated. Single female friend is having a party for Valentines with a band. I have a few female friends who are hell bent on fun, so that helps me. Being a (mostly) perpetual optimist helps too.

Honestly being alone with a book would have been great for me! It is just on day of the year, ditto riversong1.

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 4, 2008 9:56 AM

Hhmm... I just wonder how much insightful conervsation can be generated on this topic?

I think NYE is over-rated (and triple priced over-inflated!) It's just one day out of 364 (or is that 5?) after all, so what's the big deal? Is it collusion that all events are triple the price that evening, taking commercial advantage of people wanting to celebrate?

Anyone that tries to make you feel like a hopeless loser for staying home that night is a hopeless loser, and I'd rather stay home than party at triple the cost with hopeless losers!

Yep - the early morning walk by the river (minus hangover) was a good one - spotted a grass-fire, rang the fire brigade, and with that hot wind blowing, saved the parklands from burning down. Lucky some of us were awake on New Year's morning!

Posted by: riversong1 at January 4, 2008 9:52 AM

New years eve without your love beside you,how lame is that! mmmm got to get a life! Before this ones over.

Posted by: imanenigma at January 4, 2008 12:11 AM

sure you have a life imanenigma, you just want to share it with a partner.I would have been quite happy with a book and music actually. Me and the cat. I am going out more than I would prefer to.

didget, no idea, the other blog was frozen for me for most of the day.

thecannulator: sounds civil and its good you are friends with your ex, as long as you don't cramp each others style...

hermanhesse..well live Senate would have been better. You were not tempted to go to a RSVP New Years Party??? I have been watching Arrested Development DVDs and if I get bored I join silly groups on Facebook. Admitting to being on Facebook is not cool I think. Well some of us had no hangovers!!!

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 4, 2008 3:16 AM

I'm not sure if I should admit to staying home and watching dvd's...alone!!!.........Yeah I know, what a waste of a great guy!.....but look on the bright side...no hangover!.....yippee! New years eve without your love beside you,how lame is that! mmmm got to get a life! Before this ones over.

Posted by: imanenigma at January 4, 2008 12:11 AM

My NYE plans were ruined because my parents decided to run away from home ! Even the dog pissed off. I did the only honourable thing left....played repeats of Senate hearings until 4.00 in the morning....this ensured that the neighbours pissed off too :)

Posted by: hermanhesse at January 3, 2008 10:01 PM

Karina did your plans fall through? We bloggers do have lives, we just like to blog. Happy New Year to you and most of us on the blog seem to have had a reasonable or great New Year, so I am puzzled to the relevance of this topic.

we should post about the great New Years we have had, not the failures. Most of us are upbeat so either no one will post on this...or bloggers will post what they like. No one was on the blog in the wee small hours on New Years, so that says something.

I would like to spend a New Years in another country one year and am not really hung up about special days zzzzzzz

Slightsinchronicity

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 3, 2008 9:58 PM

Well, the usual girlfriend I spend New Years Eve with, with however many of my kids are free to go..is in a country town out of Adelaide. We walk and see the fireworks. It has been a ritual, with mutual friends and her daughter. As she almost had a heart attack a few weeks ago, she was not up to it.

That is why I did the peaceful, non raging, candle lit, life affirmations with 3 friends. My back up plan was me and the cat with a book. The back up plan looked good as it had been very busy. I do not need to gather with a bunch of drunk strangers in the middle of a city and get kissed by whatever amount of strangers. By 44, I would hope to grow out of it. Thinking of a tent at the beachside caravan park for welcoming in 2009. I had one glass of champagne on New Years, so no hangover. Lots of H2O though!!!!!!! Happy New Year didget and hope your relationships will be meaningful in response to your post in the other one.

Posted by: slightsynchronicity at January 3, 2008 9:51 PM

boring topic its been done and dusted, new year i mean . lets get on with the rest of the year and find out what happens. New year and xmas happen once a year, but there are 363 more days to live. Lets get a better topic pleaaaase

Posted by: twoeyes at January 3, 2008 2:23 PM

Well the key to no hangover in Melbourne at New Year was an absolute gutful of water as it was so darned hot!

I think that l must have drunk a litre at least, it mingled in well with the champagne and precautionary panadol prior to slumbering at about 3am.......................K

Posted by: auntykaz at January 3, 2008 1:11 PM

Yeah wishfulthinker03, NY eve and NY day have been and gone.........I personally had a pile of fun this year.........but this topic is more drivel !! Perhaps they will give us another new topic apart rom this one ??

Posted by: jenjen57 at January 3, 2008 10:52 AM

Yes I was wondering about the hang over thing, does not waking up to a hangover mean that you had a boring night,lol. No regardless, this chicky babe does not suffer from hang overs even if she is having a good time.

If anyone is on the blog at the moment, have you tried getting in to the relationship matters blog? I can't get into it. It kept freezing for me yesterday, now I can't get in.

Posted by: mstingle at January 3, 2008 10:45 AM

What a strange topic.....what exactly constitutes a bad New Years Eve and does it really matter. While Brisbane was windswept and miserable with showers, any "outdoor" activity was pretty much given up on. Does not waking up hung-over mean you did or didn't have a "good" NYE? Can you not have a good day even if you ARE hungover??

Come on RSVP...come up with something better than this please!

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at January 3, 2008 10:28 AM

Love your comments & advice ODE. To even up the score, I would like to represent the female equivalent for advice..from the female perspective..

Now to keep on topic..How to attract the right relationship ?? Whether it be at New Year, or any other time for that matter, this post is dedicated to all women, but applies to men as well..make of it what you will ....
HOW TO MEET THE RIGHT GUY FOR YOU
If you want to meet the right guy, you have to know what qualities the right guy should possess. It's up to you to decide what those qualities are.

Right now:

Determine which qualities the right guy for you should have by writing them down. Do you have a pen?

Now, list all the lovely qualities you want in a man: a good sense of humor, a great job, the ability to tell the truth, the willingness to support your dreams, the willingness to be faithful, and so on (it's your list, after all).

If you're having trouble, think back to the last few boyfriends you've endured. Did they have the right qualities? They probably had some of the right qualities, so write them down. But I'll bet they had plenty of the wrong qualities, too. Put those down in a second column. Then write the opposite of the bad quality in the column of good qualities (for example, "keeps me waiting" becomes "respects my time.")

Before long, you will have your list. It will serve you well, so keep it handy.

If you go to the supermarket without a list,( think of ODES advice here) you come home with a lot of stuff you don't want, don't you? It's the same thing with men.

It helps to have that list around when you're unsure whether some guy you're dating will make you happy in the long run. Consult your list. See if he's worth worth keeping around.

Your list can also help keep you on track if you've been attracted to guys with all the wrong qualities in the past. It'll alert you before you get burned again. It may encourage you to keep a possible winner around long enough to develop an attraction for him. Sometimes we reject excellent men before giving them a chance because we're not used to dating excellent men. They're way out of our comfort zone.

Know what you want, and you're more likely to get it. It sounds good in theory, but if you don't ever pick up that pen, you'll never know how well it works.

........ODG

Posted by: onlinedatinggoddess at January 3, 2008 9:22 AM