RSVP Blog
FRIEND OR LOVER?
We have seen the Ross and Rachel (Friends), Dawson and Joey (Dawson's Creek) time after time. Friend likes friend. Friend eventually finds out. Friends date. But in real life it seems the relationship usually ends up sore and friendship is often compromised. Most people are often left wondering if it was truly worth it in the end. Is it okay to date a friend, or is it too big a risk to take?
Posted by December 7, 2007 11:51 AM
Latest Comments
Dear lynath, Please read my posts! .....for you are still missing the point....."I'm not suggesting this is you, or......" and where do I say "people deserved to be betrayed" ?....THAT is your smokescreen......THAT is your sympathy vote!!........."all because I had a different viewpoint on kaz's aged couple story"...THAT is you playing victim!!........you didn't just have a different viewpoint, you pounced!! questioning her integrity!!.....READ your own posts....we have!! ."theres a difference between a bit of a cut and a degloving".......READ em all,lynath!!.....no attempt at humour in them until you back pedalled in a post to kaz(was that an apology?) I think not! READ your own posts!!....P.S I liked your story,very sad and I felt for you. Honestly. BUT thats not what got my back up is it...? Imanenigma...and no, not one of the herd!
Posted by: imanenigma at December 17, 2007 8:11 AM
Lynath
and yes - the power of your own destiny - scary as hell, but so so good.
And these alpha females that keep being whinged about - I tips me hat to the men who didn't see it coming and gave us no alternative.
and this is not an anti-mail diatribe!
enjoy your day. I've only got 2 more days and then holidays!
cheers
Posted by: today122 at December 17, 2007 6:42 AM
Wow!
And all this whilst wearing a Santa outfit!!!!
Posted by: neuroticfish at December 17, 2007 6:02 AM
imanenigma
Thats what Mums are for !! Doesn't matter how old we get, we are still their babies........my grandmother at 96 often spoke to my Mum at 71 as if she still needed advice and guidance :)
Posted by: jenjen57 at December 16, 2007 11:48 PM
today122..thanks you for your nice comments. I DID go to the shops, you were right, it was a nightmare but I have a Christmas Pudding cooling on the bench now!
I feel a lot like you..I have changed and grown as a person and definitely view the world differently. It is a great feeling to have power over ones own destiny, self esteem due to own efforts and knowing that I am viewed as an individual..not as someones wife or someones mother.
To all the people who have experienced the pain and psychological damage as a result of a betrayal of trust, always know that it was not your choice and you are not responsible for other peoples actions no matter what they try to tell you.
Posted by: thelynathdiary at December 16, 2007 11:45 PM
thelynathdiary
No need for further explanations. And you are so right........it is often hard to get the real gist of what someone is saying without the body language and tone of voice. A lot gets lost in translation when it is just text on a page :)
Posted by: jenjen57 at December 16, 2007 11:39 PM
Yes Lynath details were a bit sketchy but didn't want to risk boring everyone stoopid with detail.....
In hindsight maybe l should have.
Suffice to say that l stand by it as a tale of love, as thats all it was meant to be. Cheers.......................K
Posted by: auntykaz at December 16, 2007 11:34 PM
jenjen57- I think my mum would agree with you there!! It doesn't matter how old we get, I will always be her little golden haired pain in the.......backside!.....she really does love me!
Posted by: imanenigma at December 16, 2007 11:33 PM
kaz, if we were talking in real life and I said what I originally said complete with tone of voice and me probably doing a re- enactment of you doing the surgery with the cleaner in tow..we would be rolling around laughing. The argument was not really over you ,but some ideas from your post about the ideal couple. It was not you I disbelieved but the facts within what appeared to be a readers digest type story which did not sound right.
I have never disputed that some old couples are devoted and many do die within a short time of one another.
Romantics do like to believe in a broken heart ...it appears to be true.
How I got railroaded to the rest I am unsure now but I think I was trying to say not to expect that idealism without some reality underpinning. Every couple(whether you know about it or not as a child or bystander Jenjen) have bad patches..overcoming them is what actually builds the strength in a relationship, I believe.
You have to concede that lots of stories and jokes have been cut and pasted from elsewhere recently. Kaz your post sounded unrealistic because of the unlikely details as you are only too well aware. jenjen if I go into further explanation we will be back to square one!
Posted by: thelynathdiary at December 16, 2007 11:30 PM
Love it Jenjen.
thanks to all for your kind words and support.
On that note this one is off to bed.
0700 start tomorrow................K
Posted by: auntykaz at December 16, 2007 11:30 PM
auntykaz and imanenigma
Don't want to trivialize true love but this really describes my life atm :)
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.
If it just sits in your living room,
messes up your stuff,
eats your food,
uses your telephone,
takes your money,
and never behaves as if you actually set it free in the first place,
you either married it or gave birth to it!
I think its called happily dysfunctional chaos !!
Posted by: jenjen57 at December 16, 2007 11:18 PM
As am l enigmatic one thats why l thought l would share it.The bit about the arm was merely to illustrate the length to which Fred went to stay with his dying wife.
And have also seen other examples of utter devotion as you could imagine, so l do believe that its there if we can find it, at any age.
True love is a beautiful thing to behold..................K
Posted by: auntykaz at December 16, 2007 11:09 PM
@auntykaz- point taken! I thought it a great tale and its the thought of that kind of love that keeps me going! As you can see, I'm passionate about it!..........mmmmm..?
Posted by: imanenigma at December 16, 2007 11:02 PM
And enigmatic one the kiss was to say thank you...............K
Posted by: auntykaz at December 16, 2007 10:57 PM
OOhh guys come on no more arguing over me and my story.
Its really not worth the bother l think..................K
Posted by: auntykaz at December 16, 2007 10:44 PM
It's not only die hard romantics who deplore cheating. It's absolute betrayal of another's person bedrock, of their love and trust and loyalty, and can't ever be justified.
Posted by: today122 at December 16, 2007 10:40 PM
Dear lynath, I do not condone cheating nor do I know and with all due respect care how or why your marriage failed. So please, dont try to discredit me with your diversionary "smokes screen" regarding my morals and going for the sympathy vote! I suggest you keep on biting your tongue in future! You feel it is okay for you to question other peoples integrity and then play the "victim" if someone takes you to task!! Just as my post wasn't a justification for cheating! and your post wasn't an "entry for the Nobel Prize for literature".......Auntykaz's story of the old folks wasn't posted for you to pick to pieces in your quest for perfection or question its authenticity!! So Miss High & Mighty next time someone posts a story like kaz's, dont be so keen to pounce, try letting it slide, relax its okay.....it may even happen to you one day....BUT(oh-oh, here tis) not with a junkyard dog attitude!!!....so spare me your lecture on morals & respect!!
Posted by: imanenigma at December 16, 2007 10:39 PM
hiddencharms
Good luck with the "we" :)
Must be really nice to be thinking "we" instead of "me" !! Hope it is my turn soon...........sigh..........
Posted by: jenjen57 at December 16, 2007 10:37 PM
Cheating is something us die-hard romantics never condone,goes without saying really.I've been on the receiving end of that too.
Posted by: graceandcharm at December 16, 2007 10:34 PM
Don't bite the tongue too hard, l may have to steristrip it for you!!!!
And totally agree with your post about cheaters.
The lack of respect given to one who is cheated on is mind boggling to me.
Second only to the utter selfishness displayed by the cheater.
Having been on the receiving end of an adulterous husband, l do know the pain and hurt that l felt was all encompassing and utterly devastating, however have come out of it over 2 years later a far stronger person, and no longer a quiet as a churchmouse doormat. Why at times l even yell....................K
Posted by: auntykaz at December 16, 2007 10:22 PM
graceandcharm, I willhave to sit on the die-hard romantics bench with you ! Kaz's story is a lovely one, and I can well imagine that that is exactly how my Mum and Dad would be in the same situation. I was lucky enough to grow up in a home where there was NEVER, not once, a cross or harsh word between my parents, who have total love and respect for each other. So I know that sort of relationship is not fantasy lynath, and this time around I am determined to find that for myself. I believe there are personality and behavioural traits in people that make that sort of relationship possible, you just have to find a mate that displays them. And after auntykaz has given a more detailed explanation of the circumstances of her story why do you still say "I am biting my tongue hard, but I will suspend disbelief..." as if to suggest you think she is not telling the truth ?
Posted by: jenjen57 at December 16, 2007 10:20 PM
lynath
I praise you for putting your story out there for all to read. BUT it did NOT deserve to be read with such a skewed eye, and maligned and trivialised.
That is how relationships die, when personal revelations are minimised and judged and dismissed.
We all have our stories and our grief and our triumphs. And no-one has any right to question your reality or your dreams.
And there is never ever any excuse for infidelity. It's totally weak and cowardly.
Posted by: today122 at December 16, 2007 10:19 PM
kaz,, I am biting my tongue hard, but I will suspend disbelief...
Posted by: thelynathdiary at December 16, 2007 9:56 PM
I have to agree with thelynathdiary...there is never any excuse for an affair...you should always have enough respect for the person you are with to end that relationship first before moving on.
Posted by: brilliantblue at December 16, 2007 9:54 PM
I'd just like to say thanks auntykaz for clarrifying all,I still think it is a gorgeous story,some of us are just die-hard romantics deep down.
Posted by: graceandcharm at December 16, 2007 9:47 PM
imanenigma, that last post said so much about you and revealed more than you meant to I am sure. Feel free to search for and correct the grammatical, spelling and punctuation errors all you like; I am aware that there are many..can point you to them if you like..time you see is a factor, and this is only a blog, not an entry for the Nobel Prize for Literature.
I take exception to the last sentence of your blog. It says a lot about who you really are.
Do you really think that anyone -male or female -can excuse an affair with justifications like that?
The idea and statement that somehow the person being betrayed caused the affair to happen is one of the most commonly used by cheaters to try to excuse their pathetic weakness. Perhaps you have used it yourself iamanenigma? The heaping of blame on the betrayed person is so common by those who seek to off load guilt and responsibility for their own actions.The ONLY thing which drives people into the arms of another(as you so tweely put it) is their own low morals and standards, low self esteem of the person making it possible, utmost selfishness and disrespect for their partner (who has no choice in the decision of whether or not they want a third party in their relationship.) There is never, ever any justification for affairs. If a person is unhappy they should leave before starting a new relationship.
Your implication that that is what happened in this case is appalling and says loud and clear that you agree with the behaviour of infidelity as in your mind you believe a person "deserved it"
Having had a just glimpse at my story but not the full picture you have no idea of what actually ended my marriage.
Savvy?
Posted by: thelynathdiary at December 16, 2007 9:45 PM
Ok lynathdiary here comes my reply.
Degloving his forearm happened. He would not go to hospital.
Absolutely would not.
We could not make him go, after all he had the right to choice and decision making which is a cornerstone of modern aged care philosophy and practice.
Plastic surgery??? the mans skin was so bloody fragile that sutures would NOT hold. Therefore it was dealt with in a sterile environment by his GP assisted by nursing staff using the old steristrips which by the way healed the wound well.
Husband and wife lived at the facility that l work at in a joint room.
Being modern and all we don't just lock them up you know.
And as for the tale being out of readers digest, are you so jaded that you can't accept a positive true story for what it is??
Jeez there is always someone who wants to be scrooge isnt there????...................K
Posted by: auntykaz at December 16, 2007 7:33 PM
@lynath, I dont expect everyone to agree, nor do I follow the herd, I am self employed for a reason. We all have to answer to someone but "better a sheepdog than one of the sheep" your story was interesting and explains much BUT I will be more understanding and show empathy by not picking it to pieces or scrutinise it for factual shortcomings,punctuation etc! That type of clinical perfection seeking is what drives people into the arms of others,savvy?
Posted by: imanenigma at December 16, 2007 6:18 PM
thank you Lynath.
And I don't see why you can't have reality and romance together. My impossible dream? Christmas pudding - and don't go to the shops, it's revolting, in this part of the world anyway.
Most people chatting here now seem to have come from long marriages/relationships and can't seem to quite figure why their lives have become like this. It's sad. I thought at first that someone else would come in to fill the void, but that's not what I needed, I now realise. Don't cringe any more at my mistakes, yuk yuk.
But life happens, you learn so much about yourself and others, other things come in to create some busyness or something, give fulfillment, make you realise who you are, what you now have, and what you maybe didn't in the former life. And I think go into new relationships and friendships with greater authenticity and honesty.
And jenjen57 - I agree - the resilience and strength and basic honesty that I now live with, and I'm a completely different person now, older and wiser, whatever. Don't believe in the fairy tale, don't think I ever really did, just looking for affinity or something. And I look at people and things differently and maybe with greater respect and understanding. And I refuse to be a victim, I had huge trouble with that. To me, it would have been such a cop out. Or a survivor. I am what I am, and my life has made me who I am today, and that’s life.
And if that makes the glass half full, then great.
Posted by: today122 at December 16, 2007 5:47 PM
jovial67: I agree with you. If your glass is half full, it most deifinitiely meants that you have enjoyed what you have already "tasted"...
"We" spent the weekend in retreat...no kids...and the one thing I have discovered, unlike many years ago, is how you can make the simplest, silliest things romantic and fulfilling....I guess it is something that I didn't think of back then, but you learn as you get older...and just can't wait to sample (savour) the rest of that glass...funny how quickly you can go from thinking "me" to "we"...
Posted by: hiddencharms at December 16, 2007 2:58 PM
Never mind Lynath.
No need to even leave the house.You can find many of the vital ingredients right here on the site...Old prunes,dry and wrinkled fruit,floury comments ...sour grapes..fish oil...snake oil...anything goes in christmas pud.
Posted by: abckenny at December 16, 2007 2:55 PM
thelynathdiary See this is the point I tried to make early with someone else. Some times we haid behind a tough exterior, when underneath there is a tender soul. I sure i speak for every one else here that has a finger on the pulse. We feel for you in this, never let the lovely one inside you die
Posted by: mstingle at December 16, 2007 2:04 PM
abckenny thankyou xxxx..
now you have rendered me helpless to leave the house (and I have to get some vital ingredients for the Christmas pudding.....)
sunglasses -where are you?
Posted by: thelynathdiary at December 16, 2007 1:50 PM
"TheLynathdiary": when you say "my whole marriage was a very romantic fairytale",wow,how lucky were you? At least you knew that for many years,I don't think I ever did,but I still believe it is possible.
Posted by: graceandcharm at December 16, 2007 1:47 PM
jenjen57 you are so fortunate to have parnets that are in love and can show that to those around, unfortuantely many have been disalutioned by their own parents and don't think that they will also be able to find a loving relationship.
Posted by: mstingle at December 16, 2007 1:40 PM
You know what I am really the most happiest with at the moment with this blog? Its is that both men and women are sharing about romance and what it has meant for them. It is not just one gender contribting to a very important topic.
Posted by: mstingle at December 16, 2007 1:37 PM
thelynathdiary
All of us start out with high hopes for the future, don't we. And I dont think you were blinded by fantasy, but you were deceived. You did live the romantic fairytale for a long time so you know it is possible. And I know the romantic fairytale can last a lifetime because my Mum and Dad are living it.
Posted by: jenjen57 at December 16, 2007 1:35 PM
thelynathdiary If the account that you gave was of yourself, then how you reacted to the old couples story fiction or not maybe a reflection of what happend to you. Thankyou for sharing if this was your story. We all have a story and it helps us to understand others and ourselves when we hear other peoples stories and their prospectives.
Posted by: mstingle at December 16, 2007 1:32 PM
thelynathdiary
why the hell does seeing this stuff still make me cry...because love hurts
Relationships may come and go but true love never dies
Posted by: abckenny at December 16, 2007 1:30 PM
thelynathdiary at December 16, 2007 11:51 AM A story or an account but it still has human emotion.
Posted by: mstingle at December 16, 2007 1:27 PM
graceandcharm and jenjen,
I am with you and definitely not a victim. My post was in response to iamanenigma who requested I relate a romantic experience to him.
My whole marriage was a very romantic fairytale,my husband was basically a good man , but that didn't stop a sad ending.
My point I suppose is that perhaps if I had been more aware of reality rather than blinded by fantasy the outcome might have been different.
I remain romantic and optimistic otherwise I wouldn't be here.
Posted by: thelynathdiary at December 16, 2007 1:21 PM
neuroticfish at December 16, 2007 5:18 AM Good one nice to see some jokes on the males. Gender balance when it comes to the jokes great!
Posted by: mstingle at December 16, 2007 1:14 PM
thelynathdiary Just becuase some liked the story does not mean they have lost touch with reality. It just shows that underneath it all some people have a really nice way about them. Not cold and clinical.
Posted by: mstingle at December 16, 2007 1:10 PM
thelynathdiary, I took it that both were in the same facility. That the old gentleman instead of having his meals in the dining room, preferd to have his meals in his wifes room because she could not be moved from her room. That he would have to go where they would normally be sen to when needing medical assistance but would not leave the room where his wife was so, they decided against what they would normally do and see to his injury, there. Nice story anyway
Posted by: mstingle at December 16, 2007 1:00 PM
graceandcharm : Yes a lot of us have had our hearts ripped out and trampled on, but we pick it up, piece it back together, sometimes over and over by the same person (slow learner, me, was ever optimistic he would have an overnight lobotomy and wake up and be a nice person!) but the msot important thing is that we don't develop a victim mentality. I have a wonderful father and brothers so I know all men are not like that. I have also met a lot of nice men on this site (just not THE one). And I know that my experiences have made me a stronger person emotionally, more resilient (and am now also very good at ducking blows fron crash helmets !! Another handy life skill learnt ). Like you, I am not going to let my very bad experinces with one, infect the rest of my life :)
Posted by: jenjen57 at December 16, 2007 12:56 PM
slightsynchronicity: After you watch 'Amazing Grace' let us know what you thought of it. I was really moved and to know now where the song comes from and what it truely means really has blown me away. i love the movie and I think that every time I hear and sing along to the song I will be singing, it with such gusto, for I am very passionate about the plight and suffering of others, where there is no need for them to be doing so.
Posted by: mstingle at December 16, 2007 12:50 PM
Yes wouldn't it be a boring life if everyone just agreed and lived in harmony and were nice to each other .. gosh that would be so hard to take... Nothing like arguments and violence and hatred and such to make things more interesting...
Debates are good... but when they become vindictive and personal such as yours do Lynath and when you only see your point of view and never see anyone elses .. well to me that is not a debate.. that is just trying to force your opinion on everyone else.
Posted by: seraphsuzie at December 16, 2007 12:36 PM
"Thelynathdiary": yes, I agree nothing better than a good debate.I have had similar experiences to you except I didn't quite get the "I love you" quite as much from my ex.So many of us have had our hearts ripped out,trampled upon and cut up at our age,our hopes and dreams dashed.But isn't that all part of the rich tapestry of life?
I for one am not going to let my past colour and determine the rest of my life,blind me to what better prospects there may be out there.My past has made me what I am.Definitely stronger and more interesting hopefully.I want to be a survivor of divorce,not a victim.
I can still say he hasn't killed the romantic in me,and that is saying something !!!
Posted by: graceandcharm at December 16, 2007 12:26 PM
Thanks wraecca for sharing that lovely story.I saw "The Notebook"(not alone,I had my dog for company...) last night so I am in that mode.
Posted by: graceandcharm at December 16, 2007 11:49 AM
I think that the most successful relationships are ones that start out based in friendship. Shared commonalities and interests help to solidify the relationship. Differences are needed, but not so many that the couple are complete opposites. That way, as you both grow older, you still have things to talk about, laugh about and share with each other.
On a different note, I have a story about a couple who are close family friends. Uncle Ted was my grandfathers best friend (my grandfather died many years ago) and his wife, Aunty Lee, is a lovely woman. Aunty Lee was diagnosed with dimentia a few years back and as she grew worse, Uncle Ted realised that he could not care for her properly, so found a place for her in a nearby Nursing Home. He would visit her daily, spent most of his days there with her. Then late last year, Uncle Ted had a really bad fall and wasn't found for some time. He realised that it would be best if he moved to the Nursing Home as well, so that if he fell again, there would be someone to help him.
Now the heartbreaking part is that Aunty Lee remembers Uncle Ted, she knows he is her husband of over 50 years and she follows him around constantly. They each have their own rooms, but whenever Uncle Ted goes to lie down in his room for a rest, he awakes to find Aunty Lee lying beside him, just wanting to be near him. It breaks his heart every time. He loves her as much as he did the day they married and she adores him back.
I wonder how strong a shared love and friendship must be after more than 50 years of marriage, to have that effect.....
Posted by: wraecca at December 16, 2007 11:35 AM
Glad you caught the irony, TheLynathDiary. I reckon there are a few of us who could go on and on about the health system but this isn't the place to do it, I suppose. Way off topic!
Posted by: ninaschen at December 16, 2007 10:30 AM
@lynathdiary, It was a story not a scientific publication! Given this is a dating site which has seen a lot of unpleasant rubbish on here, cant you just leave it at that? I admire intelligent people, as you obviously are BUT in my experience some people are a little too intelligent. They lack something.....mmm......emotion, passion, personality and a desire for romance. Now I'm not suggesting this is you or that your perfect partner is the computer you are sitting in front of!........(lets face it, not an emotion to be found, all the knowledge one could desire and dare I say it....infallible).....mmmm now that is a turn on! But perhaps you could relate one of your romantic experiences for us? A woman as mature as you must have a tale to tell, something warm,passionate AND honest, leaving out no fact and completely free of fiction. I and others realise or believe true love as told in the story is possible, not everyone may find it and I'm sure it takes communication,committment, compromise and most of all desire! its a balance of these things and more, but you must believe or you will have no chance of getting even close! There is a time and place for reality, fantasy and a degree of perfection. In the act of making love, I do hope you "loosen" up a bit or it would be a very unsatisfying event and that IS a fact!!
Posted by: imanenigma at December 16, 2007 8:14 AM
I never put myself up as being able to change him. I just assumed he'd grow up, realise that we weren't all out to get him. What did he know that I didn't? But god - was I colour blind or what???
and yep - hoping for wisdom. must be just around the corner, surely!
enjoy your day
Posted by: today122 at December 16, 2007 8:03 AM
Today122: Red flags were there a waving back then for sure(actually, they were hitting me in the face) but I was so green that I didn't realize their significance,or chose to ignore them thinking,"I can change him".....famous last words,hey?! Older and wiser now,I hope.
Posted by: graceandcharm at December 16, 2007 7:57 AM
exactly graceandcharm. "Settling" is a horrible thing. But did we know that's what we were doing way back then? ah, life is a riddle hey, hope it's not just one big joke! oh dear.
Posted by: today122 at December 16, 2007 7:42 AM
I just took Auntykaz's story as being positive and uplifting too.I think all she is saying is not to settle for 2nd best as look what you may be missing out on.I "settled" for second best first time around and hey look where I am now......I'm aiming higher next time around(but not unrealistically so).
As for those oldies who I too work with I believe we really can learn so much about respect,honour,caring,loyalty and devotion between two people,and even just the way we treat each other generally in the wider community.Surely such values are not dead in these modern times?? What a rather sad world we are living in if they are.
Posted by: graceandcharm at December 16, 2007 7:36 AM
lynathdiary
it was just a lovely story that's all. And here was I thinking I was too cynical! We're all aware of Hollywood fantasy happily ever after, and we surely all know that it's not reality. I don't want to be Angelina and I don't want Brad. I didn't think this was real when I was 15 and I surely ain't pinning all my hopes on an easy happily ever after now.
It was just a sweet story. Maybe it happens, maybe it doesn't, maybe it's unattainable perfection, maybe it's real. Not everything needs to be sliced and diced down to the last technical credible detail.
But I just reckon it's too much co-dependence for my liking.
Posted by: today122 at December 16, 2007 6:45 AM
One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife, pinched her on the butt and said
"If you firmed this up, we could get rid of your control top pantyhose."
While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent.
The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch on each of her breasts and said
"You know, if you firmed these up, we could get rid of your bra."
This was beyond a silent response.
So she rolled over and grabbed him by his dangler.
With a death grip in place, she said
"You know, if you firmed this up, we could get rid of the gardener, the postman, the pool man and your brother!"
Have A Good Day.
Actually I’m just posting this because
(a) I have absolutely nothing intelligent to say (bit like quite a few bloggers actually)
(b) I just want to let C know I do read her jokes.
Posted by: neuroticfish at December 16, 2007 5:18 AM
Jenjen.. you cannot know how things will turn out at the start of a relationship. No one usually tries to 'settle for less' but the point is that no relationship is as perfect as some fiction leads us to believe is possible. If we are aware of that then it is a helpful realisation when things aren't going as well as they could. It gives basis for hope and reason to stay to work things out.
Jovial.. and you said you were a glass half full guy..
Who said there is no prospect?
Of course there is, but in my opinion you are more likely to find a happy ,loving, caring, fulfilling relationship based in reality rather than fantasies which cannot be sustained.
The bursting bubble of fantasy when reality inevitably enters is often the cause of the end of a relationship .
There is more chance of happiness if people are aware of that and prepared to put in effort rather than just keep looking for what doesn't really exist in the real world.
Posted by: thelynathdiary at December 16, 2007 1:45 AM
Sounds like we should all just pack it in now then. After all, what's the point if there is no prospect for a loving/happy/caring/fulfilling relationship with someone special.
Crikey...
Posted by: jovial67 at December 16, 2007 1:07 AM
thelynathdiary
"People will yearn for that type of relationship and then be unhappy and wonder what is wrong when they can't attain that fictitional perfection themselves."
That type of relationship is totally possible,not fictional, and I hope you are not suggesting we should settle for less.
Posted by: jenjen57 at December 16, 2007 12:56 AM
today 122...the world is flat....
Posted by: thelynathdiary at December 16, 2007 12:38 AM
snort! Ninaschen...very good analysis of health care model...
okay he lived there too but there is a difference between "a bit of a cut" and a degloving....
Posted by: thelynathdiary at December 16, 2007 12:37 AM
Jovial67 .. a bit of critical analysis has nothing to do with the glass half full cliche...and besides if my glass is half empty it means I am enjoying the wine.... While the post was sugary sweet just like most Readers Digest stories, it was based on fantasy not reality.
Was the post so positive? Apart from the fantasy medical story which was so silly it was annoying, was the underlying message really positive?
People will yearn for that type of relationship and then be unhappy and wonder what is wrong when they can't attain that fictitional perfection themselves. It is the same as expecting romantic relationships to be exactly as they appear in movies or tv sitcoms.
Far from being bitter and negative(good attempt to dismiss!) I prefer to see the world realistically and make informed choices based on facts.
Of course there are instances of long time partners dying very close in time and I do believe that people can lose the will to live and hasten their deaths if other circumstances are right. That is always a bittersweet story.
Posted by: thelynathdiary at December 16, 2007 12:32 AM
TheLynathDiary - AuntyKaz said she looked after a 'couple' - my understanding of that is that they were both in the facility.
Though I doubt it was the case, it is not too far-fetched that the cleaner was also an anaesthetist. The way some highly trained specialists are forced to earn their living in this country is appalling.
Posted by: ninaschen at December 16, 2007 12:03 AM
yes jovial67. It was just a lovely tale, regardless of its authenticity or otherwise.
Posted by: today122 at December 15, 2007 11:32 PM
thelynathdiary,
The glass is either half full, or half empty. I'd prefer to see the glass as half full and took auntykaz's story as an illustration of the lengths people can go to for true love. Perhaps it was far fetched, but at least the post was positive (at least the meaning behind it anyway). From your previous posts I get the feeling that you prefer to see the glass as half empty. Smiles and compliments are free, whilst bitterness and negativity can prevent you from seeing how wonderful the world really is. I've done my own cost benefit analysis and I know which of the two options I'd prefer.
Keep smilin' :)
Posted by: jovial67 at December 15, 2007 11:24 PM
auntykaz..nice story but from Readers Digest?
People in nursing homes are there for palliative care and dementia is a terminal disease.
A degloving injury from that kind of fall sounds a bit dramatic..so the plastic surgery was carried out at the bedside, by staff on hand... Did the cleaner act as anaesthetist?
Since the husband wasn't himself under the care of the home I wonder where they stood legally carrying out that tricky little op on a visitor?
I think I have a fair idea now of why he passed away two weeks later.....
you forgot the post op follow up....
Posted by: thelynathdiary at December 15, 2007 10:57 PM
jenjen57 hey, have a nice date : )) You go girl!
today122, hi there no judgement from me...you do not sound jaded, just did not want anything I posted to make any one a bit gloomy. You know how research is. You are sensible to be thinking of yourself..we are the ones who choose to be happy or not : )
Research: But wait theres more...I could make some zzzzzzzzzzz web page with links. My best "research" for my amusement/interest only is about pheromones and such. I could set up a Facebook with thinks to all this proper research and articles. Could be of interest. Will not put it on the blog as it would not be of interest to everyone.
Drinks last night on a sidewalk cafe. I love Adelaide : ) A nice Italian meal with my friend.
A vegan!!! BBQ today, and other BBQ Sunday. Last night I incidentally? met a whole work place of people when I thought I would meet up with just my girlfriend and her love. Oh and yes I will watch the Notebook. Have to watch Amazing Grace with a friend on Monday....so I may just reflect on that. Off topic sorry.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at December 15, 2007 11:20 AM
break a leg, jenjen!!
Posted by: today122 at December 15, 2007 11:07 AM
lovely AK , just what we are all looking for. Reminds me of the notebook
Posted by: twoeyes at December 15, 2007 10:46 AM
Have a lovely day all !
Cant stay here and blog all day........I have a date :) !!
Posted by: jenjen57 at December 15, 2007 10:43 AM
Thanks guys l just thought l would post it as reminder that true and total love does exist and does endure, even in these so called modern times...............K
Posted by: auntykaz at December 15, 2007 10:18 AM
auntykaz
May we all be as fortunate as to find the true and unconditional love that Joyce and Fred obviously had. Such a touching and inspiring story.
Posted by: jovial67 at December 15, 2007 9:30 AM
just lovely auntykaz.
and slight synchronicity. I think I sound a lot more jaded than I really am. gotta listen to what I say I think.
And your post didn't dampen my mood. it's all interesting this sort of stuff. that's all, doesn't sway my opinion, just gives food for thought and for me anyway, makes me want to find out more. frustrated academic that I am.
But I think these days I look primarily to do things for me. Selfish? or a reaction to my past. and not woe is me, not at all, just my reality I guess.
And it's all good.
Posted by: today122 at December 15, 2007 9:23 AM
Such a lovely story auntykaz......but isnt that what true love is........whether it is between two spouses, adult and child, or two long term friends.
Posted by: jenjen57 at December 15, 2007 9:16 AM
today122..and we have Christmas approaching too. As a glass half full person, I hope that being in a long term loving relationship would be healthy. I assume it would be but being single is OK now also. Posting it was not supposed to dampen anyones mood.....oh a healthier male and unhealthier female, tsk tsk, hope it depends on the couple. I am less likely to drink heavily in a relationship the article says..(barely drink now) Maybe stop scaring ourselves hey....
auntkaz how moving, I got goosebumps when reading that. Have heard of a member of a couple dying of heartbreak before.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at December 15, 2007 9:14 AM
A lovely story AuntyKaz....thankyou for sharing with it us.
Posted by: anaturallady at December 15, 2007 9:02 AM
Beautiful post auntykaz.I work with the elderly too and have witnessed(but not been part of myself to date) that sort of love.Isn't that what we are all looking for,that "till death do us part" kind of love? Worth the wait methinks.....
Posted by: graceandcharm at December 15, 2007 8:50 AM
Kind of on topic but a lovely story and true.
I looked after a couple who had been married 70 years (l work in aged care).
The wife (Joyce), was quite ill and debilitated, as well as having Dementia.
The husband (Fred), was in relatively okay health given that he was 90, although riddled with rheumatoid arthritis.
Despite their age, health etc they were devoted to each other absolutely, totally and utterly.
Joyce gradually deterorated to the stage that we were nursing her as a Palliative care resident, which we do from time to time.
Fred would not leave her side, eating meals in their room, not coming out to socialise with others at all. He just wanted to be by her side no matter what.
One morning l answered his call buzzer to find him covered in blood, he had stumbled and fallen against a table totally de gloving his right forearm to the extent that you could see muscle, tendons, everything.
He refused to go to hospital to have this rather large wound approximated back into position and put back together and insisted we do it there.
Which we did.
Joyce eventually passed away peacefully in her sleep in the arms of her beloved husband Fred.
Fred died two weeks later.
I believe he died of a broken heart.
He simply did not want to live without his girl.............................K
Posted by: auntykaz at December 15, 2007 8:37 AM
and very serious for so early on a Saturday?
Posted by: today122 at December 15, 2007 8:20 AM
Good marriage, good relationship only of course. And bad marriage, the opposite, in so many ways, of course. The additional stress and anxiety can only reduce overall health and wellbeing.
Chicken or the egg?
So meanwhile, while in a single state, get healthy, for ourselves primarily, and for our current and future relationships, to live a full functioning life, whichever way it goes.
Interesting thoughts. I remember reading years ago that marriage made for a healthier male, but an unhealthier female. Very broad statement, but it stuck.
cheers
Posted by: today122 at December 15, 2007 8:19 AM
Slightly on topic post below as some people may end up marrying or living with their friend. Of course I would like a partner to be both friend and lover. Relationships have health benefits, as most bloggers would be aware anyway. Have a positive weekend.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at December 15, 2007 8:07 AM
Can Marriage Help You Live Longer?
by Krisha McCoy, MS
Research shows that marriage contributes to good health, and people who are healthier tend to live longer. Married men and women are less likely to have drinking problems, commit suicide, and develop mental problems. They also tend to eat more healthfully and exercise more frequently. What is it about marriage that leads to a longer, healthier life? Is marriage a means to achieving better health?
Men, Marriage, and Mortality
Some researchers suggest that the health benefits of marriage are stronger for men than women. A study published in the American Journal of Sociology found that 88% of married men live to the age of 65, while only 63% of never-married men, 65% of divorced men, and 69% of widowed men live to that age. The marriage benefit was not as substantial for women in this study: it found that 92% of married, 81% of never-married, 82% of divorced, and 90% of widowed women live to the age of 65.
The reason for this discrepancy isn’t entirely clear, but some researchers think it’s partly because single men are more likely than single women to engage in risky behavior—fast driving, skydiving, and binge drinking, for example. Also, women are more likely than men to have a strong social network, whether or not they are married, and social support is associated with better health and a longer life.
The Health Benefits of Marriage
The reason that married people tend to be healthier and live longer than unmarried people is complex and not fully understood. Some researchers point to the “marriage protection hypothesis,” which attributes the health benefits of marriage to the social, psychological, economic, and environmental effects of marriage. Others theorize that healthy people are simply more likely to get married. But most researchers fall somewhere in between: they believe that, while it is true that healthy people may be more likely to get married, marriage itself is associated with certain health benefits that can increase your chances of living a long, healthy life.
Just living with someone can be good for your health. People who live with a spouse—or anyone else, for that matter—have a better chance of getting care in times of illness. Also, spouses tend to promote healthful behaviors and discourage unhealthful ones, making married people more likely to eat healthfully and exercise, and less likely to smoke and excessively drink.
Another reason married men and women tend to live longer has to do with money. Married couples tend to have higher incomes, save more, and get more Social Security when they retire than unmarried individuals. Studies have shown that wealthier people have more access to healthcare and information, and are less likely to smoke, drink, eat poorly, and be sedentary.
Good Versus Bad Marriages
So, does just being married mean you will be healthier and live longer? Recent studies say that it depends on whether your marriage is good or bad. Research has shown that while a good marriage may offer health benefits, a bad marriage can actually be detrimental to your health.
A study in the December 11, 2000 issue of the Archives of Internal Medicine found that staying in a bad marriage was associated with increased blood pressure, while a good marriage was associated with decreased blood pressure. Another study in the September 2003 issue of Health Psychology found that, compared to women who reported satisfying marriages, women who were dissatisfied with their marriages were more likely to develop cardiovascular risk factors over time. These studies indicate that marital stress and dissatisfaction can put you at risk for adverse health outcomes.
Do You Need to Be Married to Be Healthy?
If you are married or are planning on becoming married, the best advice is to choose wisely when deciding who you want to spend your life with and work hard to make your marriage a strong one. If you aren’t married, you can still practice good health habits. Eat well, get plenty of exercise, keep tabs on your health, and build a strong, supportive social network.
RESOURCES:
American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy
http://www.aamft.org/index_nm.asp
REFERENCES:
Baker B, Paquette M, Szalai JP, et al. The influence of marital adjustment on 3-year left ventricular mass and ambulatory blood pressure in milk hypertension. Arch Intern Med . 2000;160:3453-3458.
Coombs RH. Marital status and personal well-being: a literature review. Family Relations . 1991;40:97-102.
Final mortality data for 1996 sets new records: highest life expectancy and lowest infant mortality rate. National Center for Health Statistics website. Available at: http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/releases/98facts/finmort.htm . Accessed September 10, 2003.
Gallo LC, Troxel WM, Matthews KA, et al. Marital status and quality in middle-aged women: associations with levels and trajectories of cardiovascular risk factors. Health Psychology . 2003;22.
Goldman N. Mortality differentials: selection and causation. Internation Encyclopedia of the Social and Behavioral Sciences . 2001:10068-10070.
Health, marriage, and longer life for men. RAND Center for the Study of Aging website. Available at: http://www.rand.org/publications/RB/RB5018/#fnB0 . Accessed September 11, 2003.
Lilliard LA, Waite LJ. ‘Til death do us part: marital disruption and mortality. American Journal of Sociology . 1995;100:1131-1156.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at December 15, 2007 8:03 AM
slightsynchronicity - painting? your abode? a kindred spirit.
I've just spent the last year painting, inside and out, timber so all with a brush. not the whole year, non-stop, work and a shadow of a life somewhere in there.
bits and pieces left, and then it's getting a for sale sign out the front. But I've hurt my wrist, and that's maybe why I sounded cranky the other night. So none this weekend. But I've done every bit of it, and that's good for the soul.
enjoy your weekend!
Posted by: today122 at December 15, 2007 7:59 AM
I believe that friendship is the perfect basis for a healthy, happy, long lasting relationship.
Only downfall is that you may know everything about eachother... which leaves nothing else to learn, but I don't think that matters.
Posted by: riss1985 at December 14, 2007 9:05 PM
men are not equipped to win arguments with women and the sooner we realise it and stop trying, the better off we will be. Have a great Friday.
Posted by: woodnwine at December 14, 2007 8:55 AM
Ahh, but isn't it great when you're having a disagreement, then the guy says "I'm not going to win this one, am I?"
-laugh-
At least he recognises the futility of arguing with me......
Posted by: wraecca at December 14, 2007 8:21 PM
woodnwine/twoeyes
Not my words ! Quite sure you are both quite capable of holding your own :)
misswendyxx
Seriously amusing !!
Posted by: jenjen57 at December 14, 2007 7:27 PM
twoeyes, very insightful comments...my weeks don't really seem to end BTW they just flow together. One day should be a relaxing day.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at December 14, 2007 11:00 AM
Graceandcharm, I could have googled it : ) how amusing, I must look for her work. Have a good day and I must begin the rest of my Christmas shopping.
misswendyxx morning to you and hope you have a better day today then. Yay its friday as IAE pointed out earlier. Gardening, and (thinking about) painting. Ooops your ironing misswendy, I will get to that.
Isn't it a nice time of year with all the Christmas get togethers. An awful time to be feeling down for anyone so wishing every blogger a nice Christmas and also a Happy New Year. Hope you all get at least one useful present or something you like.
Timewarp:Hi there, Happy Belated Birthday for the other day to you, hope you had a great day then.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at December 14, 2007 10:56 AM
Apparently my grandfather died of a broken heart. Some a number of years later thought that was silly that you could not die of such a thing. However they now know that to be so. A person die from complications that was cause by a person having a broken heart, which leads to among other things heart desease because of stress ect
Posted by: mstingle at December 14, 2007 9:40 AM
Beer Vs Makeup
She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and that I'd have to quit.
Then I caught her spending $ 65 on makeup.
And I asked how come I had to give up stuff and she didn't?
She said she needed the makeup to look pretty for me.
I told her that was what the beer was for.
I don't think she is coming back.........
Posted by: misswendyxx at December 14, 2007 9:23 AM
Thanks Woody....hope you have a wonderful day too.
Hehehe....yes child free zone and I don't have to work either....whooohooo!
Two eyes of course there will be lot's of rambling and ranting but I am too old for raving, I'd rather spend my summerdayze by the pool.
Posted by: misswendyxx at December 14, 2007 9:16 AM
men are not equipped to win arguments with women and the sooner we realise it and stop trying, the better off we will be. Have a great Friday.
Posted by: woodnwine at December 14, 2007 8:55 AM
"but its fun trying some of the time dont you think???????????"
Posted by: twoeyes at December 14, 2007 9:11 AM
hey there triplex. wow a child free zone for the weekend. what a luxury, that will be for you........The ability to do and say whatever you want.
Remember no ranting and raving, or rambling on .
Posted by: twoeyes at December 14, 2007 9:09 AM
Hi misswendy, just about to start work now so I'll just wish you a fabulous day.
Posted by: woodnwine at December 14, 2007 9:03 AM
A Good morning to Woodnwine,Twoeyes, GraceandCharm and Slightsynchronicity and anyone else who is about this morning.
Imanenigma.....yep I had a shocker yesterday too, but things are looking up today and I have the weekend totally to myself.
Posted by: misswendyxx at December 14, 2007 9:00 AM
jenjen57 - yes, you are right - men are not equipped to win arguments with women and the sooner we realise it and stop trying, the better off we will be. Have a great Friday.
Posted by: woodnwine at December 14, 2007 8:55 AM
Slightsynchronicity: Yep, Maya wrote it as "in tact",quite a pun there I agree !!
Posted by: graceandcharm at December 14, 2007 8:48 AM
yes wistful is one way of puting it another would be well maybe it was a full moon,and they didnt know what they were doing.............
Posted by: twoeyes at December 14, 2007 8:44 AM
Ok twoeyes no more poems from me today, some bloggers seemed a bit wistful yesterday. Enjoy your down time when you have it then.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at December 14, 2007 8:40 AM
.... its poets day .......but for some the week aint over
Posted by: twoeyes at December 14, 2007 8:19 AM
IAE, Fridays are great, and you wear an apron? Cool, women seem to like that. Planning to watch the Notebook soon, with a box of tissues.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at December 14, 2007 8:14 AM
"or dream you can..." I meant.
shocking spelling error, must wake up.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at December 14, 2007 8:08 AM
today122, hope the weekend is relaxing then for you. Being cynical amuses us but can be trying for some others (I think - only speaking for myself IMHO) Overthinking is something some of us do : )
"Whatever you can do
or dream yoiu can,
begin it.
Boldness has genius, magic
and power it it.
Begin it now." Goethe
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at December 14, 2007 8:07 AM
Morning all!! Was it just me or did everyone have a shocker yesterday? Its friday woohoo!! I dont know why that excites me as being self employed, one day is like the next, but woohoo anyway!!!.......one foot after the other, folks......onward ever onward!!
Posted by: imanenigma at December 14, 2007 7:35 AM
hi slightsynchronicity.
no - not sad. tired? big week or something. but - thank you.
And I'm very cynical anyway. I'm with you on the tact comments! Gotta hope that ain't gonna determine my future, or it will be sad sad sad!
And regrets - they do work themselves through, and my overanalysis of every damn thing, god how boring, makes me realise that me, my values, etc are important. That's what I have to hold close rather than moulding these around a man. I think that's all I meant.
Posted by: today122 at December 14, 2007 7:07 AM
Its more or less on topic as people can have regrets about friends and/or lovers over things they have done or failed to do.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at December 14, 2007 1:57 AM
graceandcharms, another lovely saying. Can I ask if the woman survives "in tact" or intact?..in the quote below on, December 13, 2007 10:27 PM Freudian slip perhaps as lacking in tact is one of my flaws I believe. Am not trying to be a smart alec either. If my survival depended on tact, I may not.
Some bloggers seemed a bit sad, so today122 and anyone else...this may be of some help.
"Regrets
can hold you back
and can prevent the most
wonderful things
taking place
in your
lives"
Eileen Caddy,
"Footprints on the Path".
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at December 14, 2007 1:55 AM
Not on topic at all, just made me smile........
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
Night all :)
Posted by: jenjen57 at December 13, 2007 11:20 PM
I started spending time with a friend for 3 and half months who i have known for a few years who is on this site too. Movies, out , BBQ's etc.
I found myself falling in love with him. Lots of beautiful sms messages from him telling me i was in his heart soul etc...SO, i decided to bite the bullet and tell him my feelings were a lot deeper than friendship....guess what...the disappearing act ...very quickly. Not only have I lost one of my dear friends, but am now in a total state of confusion. I had always thought friendship was important to start any sort of relationship, and honesty is not always the best policy. Not only have I lost my heart, but also my friend. So where is it that you draw the line? And guys help me out here...where did i go wrong?
Posted by: angeliceyes66 at December 13, 2007 11:15 PM
One for you today122:
"The woman who survives in tact and happy must be at once tender and tough.She must have convinced herself....that she,her values,and her choices are important" Maya Anglou
Posted by: graceandcharm at December 13, 2007 10:27 PM
nemofish - not enough info there but not too interested anyway, thanks. Are you talking about here or there?
Posted by: woodnwine at December 13, 2007 10:20 PM
hi imanenigma
my jaded cynical thoughts - I think the cure for a broken heart is not to find a new love, but to figure out myself as to why this is needed so badly, why I put so much of myself in there and allowed myself to be ripped to pieces.
More protecting, and more sense of who I am or something.
Not scarred forever, but an improved version for me, rather than for someone else who may come along.
Yep - I said I was jaded and cynical, and my thoughts only.
Would love to be an incurable romantic, and really good luck to you, but I ain't sadly.
Posted by: today122 at December 13, 2007 10:00 PM
@today122- "Why do we put ourselves up for a possible repeat performance?" because romantics are like moths drawn to a flame,we no the potential danger or hurt.....but the attraction is hard to resist! There is one sure cure for a broken heart......and thats a new love!......a new true love!......... mmmm?....or am I paying the price for letting someone so precious slip through my fingers....only to be scarred for life?....time will tell!.....Imanenigma
Posted by: imanenigma at December 13, 2007 9:49 PM
woodnwine - yes of course. I was just commenting that's all. Not having a go by any means.
But graceandcharm, maybe that's why we are still single. And I am behaving....sadly. (sob)
Posted by: today122 at December 13, 2007 9:49 PM
WnW
Have I got a date for you.
Do a quick flick through the 42yo Brisbane based.
If you knock this one back, go back to your mother
Posted by: neuroticfish at December 13, 2007 9:28 PM
people....behave !
Posted by: graceandcharm at December 13, 2007 9:04 PM
today122 - I know exactly what it is like to desire one person and one person alone but I was making the comparrison.
Posted by: woodnwine at December 13, 2007 9:00 PM
woodnwine - and apologies to graceandcharm for my interpretation - but surely it's the "particular" body, and the "indifference to substitutes" that defines it.
Posted by: today122 at December 13, 2007 7:37 PM
jenjen57
Neil Gamain - that is so moving. Did you ever believe that you would actually die of a broken heart? Not only ripped out, but then shredded and pulped, from the inside out. How so so dramatic, of course, but why does it feel like that? And why and how do we put ourselves back up for a possible repeat performance?
Posted by: today122 at December 13, 2007 7:34 PM
Hi graceandcharm - interesting thought but it may depend on how much you really like that person. If people are just out for a good time then any body that falls within their likes will do. That's called a one night stand. If you really like someone then only theirs will do.
Posted by: woodnwine at December 13, 2007 4:31 PM
ah,that's meant to read "substitutes"...and I haven't even been drinking...
Posted by: graceandcharm at December 13, 2007 4:12 PM
While we are on the topic of love,I thought this one was a gem and it probably explains why some of us have been single for so long:
"The absolute yearning of one human body for another particular body and its indifference to subststitutes, is one of life's major mysteries".
Posted by: graceandcharm at December 13, 2007 4:09 PM
What outweighs the other? The joy or the pain?
Posted by: woodnwine at December 13, 2007 10:43 AM
"Love is friendship set on fire", that is lovely, how nice graceandcharm, thanks for sharing that...it is very poignant.
jenjen the Neil Gamain quote is also so moving, cheers.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at December 13, 2007 10:38 AM
"Love is friendship set on fire",there,
I thought that was rather on topic !!!
Posted by: graceandcharm at December 13, 2007 8:31 AM
That is nice.
Posted by: woodnwine at December 13, 2007 9:16 AM
Have you ever been in love? ..... It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain......" Neil Gaiman
Posted by: jenjen57 at December 13, 2007 8:51 AM
graceandcharm
lovely little saying, so true
looking.........wishing........hoping :)
Posted by: jenjen57 at December 13, 2007 8:40 AM
: to dream the impossible dream.............to fight the unbeatable foe, this is my quest, to follow that star....
Posted by: twoeyes at December 13, 2007 8:35 AM
"Love is friendship set on fire",there,
I thought that was rather on topic !!!
Posted by: graceandcharm at December 13, 2007 8:31 AM
Looking at the blog, I think it depends, in some ways, how long you have been friends. I think for long term friends to become lovers, yes it does put alot of strain on the friendship, usually irreversible damage.
I have heard, in some cases, of short term friends dating, and it working out.
Personally, I do think it is a big risk to take, especially if you value that friend alot
Posted by: gongguy77 at December 12, 2007 11:42 PM
slightsynch
Yeah I remember people having a coffee and a Bex for Brekky........must have kept them up for a week !!
Mmm, bedtime for me too I think, catch ya !!
Posted by: jenjen57 at December 12, 2007 11:35 PM
jenjen57 not sure I would like them but all the women in my Mums era took them, not suprising given that article you posted. Strong coffee is enough for me.
Our modern era has progressed past that....for some. Have fun bloggers.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at December 12, 2007 11:29 PM
slightsynchronicity
Bex powders were an Australian icon. A strong analgesic, comprising phenacetin, aspirin and caffeine, they were the housewife’s drug of choice in the ’50s and ’60s until they were shown to be hugely addictive and responsible for causing kidney disease when taken in large doses.
What were they thinking, hehe........and where can we get some ???
Posted by: jenjen57 at December 12, 2007 10:01 PM
WnW...washing and made coffee joyfully...how nice of you. I used to make bloomin deserts a lot, you know flans, apple pies..it was never appreciated. Now in marriage two he compromises or collaborates and works together with his new partner. It took one failure to learn. Of course I was not perfect. You can do lots of things for some people in a spirit of giving and it means nothing to them..or they can not give back themselves. A relationship where there is giving and recieving in an attitude of love is the ideal.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at December 12, 2007 9:56 PM
The adults in my parents generations seemed to be always having a Bex and a good lie down, maybe jenjen57, wishfulthinker03 and others...due to the awful expectations at the time. But then, the men where supposed to "bring home the bacon", there was usually only one car per household. But they were the "Good old Days". weren't they?
What about seeing someone who only wants a lover but not a friend but no possible future relationship..would you choose the lover or wait for Mr or Ms Right who could be the possible long term partner? I do not see how you can draw the line and separate things so clearly.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at December 12, 2007 9:47 PM
" God helps those who help themselves.............but God help them that i catch helping themselves.."
Posted by: twoeyes at December 12, 2007 6:46 PM
hiddencharms - don't take the bait, there is always a hook underneath it.
Posted by: woodnwine at December 12, 2007 6:35 PM
I am not interested in loud mouths.
Innocent parties can get hurt very badly.
Women whose innocent trust has been breached by an unworthy male can react in an extreme fashion.
One of the worst calls in policing and the paramedic world is a suicide.
Think about it.
Posted by: neuroticfish at December 12, 2007 6:10 PM
AND or pet fish needs to remember who he is logged in as, befor he posts...
Posted by: hiddencharms at December 12, 2007 5:46 PM
sorry, sorry, sorry...that was junebaby...never blog with scotch in hand...one of THOSE days...
Posted by: hiddencharms at December 12, 2007 5:45 PM
junebagy: Me thinks fishmince is somewhat confused with one of his many counterparts anti-female views...
Posted by: hiddencharms at December 12, 2007 5:44 PM
Lets face gents,
A spring clean is always good and the last thing the new lass wants to stumble across is a picture of your ex, "Yes, Darling, I happened to bump your laptop (several hundred mouse clicks and keypresses into total) and I came across this. ( you can imagine the facial expressions Angry Shocked Sad Embarrassed Lips sealed Cry)
As every good males know memories can be nice Cool but a clean is good and high level encryption a must for sensitive data (in case you need that future mutual blackmail file just like the Mutual Assured Destruction during the Cold War) and perhaps to remember what exactly you did in your life during those future fading years in the nursing home.
By some strange coincidence Wink I happened to stumble accidentally (via GPS) into Harris Technology where I snaffled a 500 Gig Lacie NAS and am presently doing a bit of a blonde purge.
Things to go include:
Photos
Home Movies (Get you mind out of the gutter Roll Eyes , not every blonde is Anna Nicole Sad )
Emails
Contacts
etc etc
A quick wipe and clean leaves a fresh shiny electronic world on both laptop and phone waiting for that new love of your life to populate with her lovely smile, wit, beauty and charm (now is the time to really suck up) The ex, banished to electronic purgatory, will never be heard or seen from again except in case of Defcon5 which is why we have high level encryption. If you new lass can crack that she has a access to a supecomputer bigger than the NSA's and you have a real problem.
Of course a NAS in a safe deposit box in a overseas tax haven does make it a bit harder for her, but perhaps just downstairs in the cellar in a locked filing cabinet behind the door saying "Beware of the Leopard" (HHGTTG readers will know what I mean) will be enough.
Like in everything change of government the shredders work overtime and a bit of scanning then shredding can remove any actual psychical evidence.
This is purely for your amusement and has no relevance to the real world in any way and all names have been changed to protect both the innocent, the guily and the clueless
Take that ODE , I can be funny too.
Its only a joke Darling, but you'll have to excuse me as I'm somewhat busy atm
(sounds of shredders in the background)
Bye for now
Phil (reposted from a secret place)
Posted by: brane at December 12, 2007 5:09 PM
woodnwine at December 12, 2007 9:03 AM this is one of many of your posts that I have found to be quite realistic. To love someone is to care for them, it goes both ways there is no you or I,there is only a we. There are so many relationships where there is one member or the other unfairly recieving most of the quality benefits in the relationship, when both should be enjoying making the other feel special. That is a true partnership. When someone in a relationship is more for what they can get out of it then it ceases to be a relationship. They are only self interested. Self equals one.
Posted by: mstingle at December 12, 2007 3:37 PM
"Damned Whores and God's Police" by Ann Summers had quite an impact on women's thinking and behaviours too!
I think we women can be both at different times in our lives...or even at the same time.
and very, very, verygreengilledfish...I agree that respect for each other is "the" most important value in our society...but oh, the temptations of the seven deadly sins!
Posted by: istj54 at December 12, 2007 11:21 AM
I am with you wishfulthinker - So many people these days do expect so much and take take take. I have actually got rid of all those negative issues in my life because I was always used as a doormat for so many people and I have just got sick of it in my old age. WnW there is a lot of pleasure in giving and especially when it is appreciated. I am a music teacher so I give a lot and when it is appreciated WOW it is such a nice feeling.
With a partner I seem to give and past experiences seem to be take take take but I am sure that will change - heres hoping.
Posted by: jaspercat at December 12, 2007 9:59 AM
You;re right WnW..give and take...however so long as it is not you give and she takes!!! Many people can't spell compromise let alone achieve it - we can all live in hope. Like you, I like doing things for others and don't expect anything in return, just do it because I want to and like to but I do have a couple of friends who are nothing short of a door-mat....
Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at December 12, 2007 9:49 AM
WnW, you are totally right, it is give and take, and there is a lot of pleasure in giving.
I got carried away on my soapbox as I do really believe in a women's right to choose in this day and age, and there are still many men out there who still don't get it. I work as a project manager in a mostly male dominated field, and still see some of the men i mentioned, a fair bit!!!
My message was not aimed at anyone here, and by the way, you do sound lovely, I have read your posts since july and have a lot of respect for your opinions.
So from the soapbox, am off to work, have a meeting at 10.00am, have a lovely day...jewels.
Posted by: junebaby57 at December 12, 2007 9:11 AM
NF....who wants to monitor someones wherabouts all the time???
Who ever that person is, they have a real problem, that is extremly weird and scary, like stalking!!!
I actually don't know anyone like that in this lifetime, (except for when I was a teenager) , so if it happened to me, I would report it, restraining orders etc. Then get my big brother in law and my big son to pay them a visit!!!
I had a boyfriend stalk me when I was 19, a loonnng time ago, and my father took care of him, threw him out the door while it was still closed, so the guy and the door all landed on the front verandah. But as we had a restraining order out against him, the cops took our side!!!
If someone is stalking you, report it. Same rules for males and females, stalking is wrong so get help.
Have a better day...jewels
Posted by: junebaby57 at December 12, 2007 9:03 AM
Ladies - equality is good but don't lose sight of the true meaning of a relationship between a man and a woman. It's not about who can demand what or who calls the shots. As I am an early(ish) riser, I used to always put through 2 loads of washing before my ex woke on Saturdays and I always had the coffee made even though I don't drink coffee. But there was no reciprocity. Give AND take, compromise, thinking of the other person, caring, sharing - that's what it's all about. Doing something for someone else doesn't make you any less important. The joy is in the giving.
Posted by: woodnwine at December 12, 2007 9:03 AM
How does someone’s blissfully ignorant fiancée “earn” the “respect” of another woman.
Now I get it.
She is supposed to have a sufficient level of intelligence to place a GPS tracking device on him so she can monitor his every movement day and night.
Silly me.
Posted by: neuroticfish at December 12, 2007 8:46 AM
What an interseting read this morning.
I agree respect is earned, it is not a demand, if it is demanded it will not be given!!!
In my experience, women do respect each other, it is men that still, sometimes, have a problem.
And before you bite my head off, I don't mean men here, but I have met them out in the real world.
JenJen, that posting of women in the 60's, it is a crack, LOL.....what with the hair curlers, cold cream (my grandmothers used that stuff) a little moan!!!! let him have his way !!!! Then make a cup of tea, where is mine??
God I wouldn't have lasted 3 seconds back then, same as wishfulthinker3.
Having a say and a leading role in all of the aspects of life, makes this life worthwhile.
Thank god we now have a voice, WE choose what we want to do, we can have careers, with a house husband if we CHOOSE. Do you think a house husband would do the same stuff as the traditional wife??
We can have sex, loudly, if we choose!! we can initiate sex, have a husband, boyfriend, toyboy, friend or partner if we CHOOSE to.
We can also CHOOSE NOT to have sex, or a husband, or children as well!!!
We can do whatever and wear whatever, whenever we like....the same as men, and if a bloke doesn't like it he knows where the door is!!!
OK I will get of my soapbox now....have a lovely day all...jewels
Posted by: junebaby57 at December 12, 2007 8:16 AM
hiddencharms yes I was really happy when I heard that, excellent book don't you think. Now I think they were friends first, then lovers.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at December 12, 2007 7:57 AM
Good ol' Germaine and her feminists can "demand" whatever they like in terms of respect, but in order to get respect one must earn it.....demand doesn't come into that equation.
Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at December 12, 2007 7:26 AM
@neurotic-whoever( I mean why bother?) Ah.... finally worked up some courage,eh? I suspect you have been eating meat! and No, dont suggest anything.
Posted by: imanenigma at December 12, 2007 7:14 AM
jenjen...where did you did that beauty up from. I'm sure I've read that somewhere- isn't that the same book that tells you to get the kids cleaned and out of the way and put a bow in your hair when he comes up the driveway?
I'd have lasted about 10 seconds back then....my dog struggles with obedience, I'd do even worse. Women didn't seriously wait till their little "master" was asleep before they stuck in the hair-curlers (thank god for modern technology) and loaded up with the face cream? I haven't laughed that hard in a while. A small moan...stay silent...what next??? As for the cup of tea.....I'm thinking he should get up and make mine....after all he's obviously had his way, had his sleep (and much more than I) so it's only fair....No wonder so many women were so damn miserable!!!
Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at December 12, 2007 6:58 AM
YourAnEnema and you need one desperately
Might I suggest that you stop encouraging aberrant conduct.
Australia is not the deep south of America where certain things are frowned on with disgust.
But Australia does have a very strong Feminist Movement (emanating from Germaine Greer) which demands that women respect each other, including that one woman respect another woman who is engaged to be married to a stupid freelancing male.
Without women being prepared to respect each other, all gains made by the feminist movement fall apart
Posted by: neuroticfish at December 12, 2007 5:56 AM
hiddencharms
Stop it, stop it, I will fall off the bed...ha ha
Posted by: jenjen57 at December 11, 2007 11:46 PM
jenjen: We should look into discounts or bonus points for group bookings...
Posted by: hiddencharms at December 11, 2007 11:43 PM
hiddencharms
You have me in a fit of the giggles !! I can definitely see us doing that somewhere, hehe........
Posted by: jenjen57 at December 11, 2007 11:38 PM
SLS: They're making a movie out of it? How cool. That is one not to miss!
Posted by: hiddencharms at December 11, 2007 11:35 PM
BB: Back to that retreat...did you see the service provided? The gourmet platters and wines?
The accommodation seems so laid back and homey...
Jenjen: Can you just see us roaring through this place on skateboards, two wheels only, shrieking with laughter, with a glass of bubbly hand...
Posted by: hiddencharms at December 11, 2007 11:34 PM
IAE and twoeyes there must be someone you could work on asking out to see sad movies (women, that is). Lots of women love it when men like chickflicks.
Like Water for Chocolate is a rather heartwrenching movie. Ok fine I will get the Notebook then, and watch it with a girlfriend : ) losing a friend is a hard thing for sure. If anyone likes books a sad but quirky book is "The Time Traveller's Wife", one of the best love stories I have ever read. Soon to be a movie with Eric Bana, so IMANENIGMA and twoeyes, plenty of time to organise dates.
What a historical posting jenjen57, at least we have moved on a bit from there???
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at December 11, 2007 11:25 PM
I'm out...I don't do the face and hair stuff...or tea...or obediance...
Posted by: hiddencharms at December 11, 2007 11:23 PM
Ah the sixties! Life was good! petrol was cheap, women did what you told em and even if they didnt like it......they
Blog now closed; thank you for your comments!
Posted by: rsvpproducttest at December 17, 2007 8:49 AM