RSVP Blog
Do you fall in love too easily?
When is it okay to let yourself fall in love for the first time, or maybe the next time?
Who falls first for the hopes of love, is it men or women?
Do we learn anything as we get older?
Do we learn to be careful but still feel the intoxication of hope and fear?
Posted by November 26, 2007 3:52 PM
Latest Comments
imanenigma
Agree with you 100% also! However anyone I mention online dating to doesn't suggest I am desperate, but they have concerns about what sort of men are on these site. Most of my girlfriends, all married and partnered for a long time, are convinced it is the playground of the attached/married male.
Jen
Posted by: jenjen57 at December 3, 2007 3:03 PM
Imanenigma, who would have thought that one day just around the corner......that I would agree 100% with what you just posted.Age of miracles is not dead after all.
PS hope you get the sense of humour:)
Posted by: dolphin46 at December 3, 2007 2:11 PM
@misswendyxxx & all, yes, the stigma thing. I have discussed this at times with a few people of various ages and got different responses. (1) You must be desperate to be on a dating site- No, how else do you meet single people, when your friends are all married, you dont like the club/pub scene,time is short(kids,work etc) and we can choose people in our age group etc etc...and I'm self employed and often work and live alone.....(2) only old people do it- No, do a search of various age groups and you will find E.G women as young as 18, many very attractive, with their looks & lifestyle why would they be here if it was the domain of the desperate? Its a new world, with different pressures and challenges. I dont say computer dating or the system is perfect, what is? But to be able to see a photo, read some lines, communicate and get a feel for someone, from the comfort of my home when the time suits , is cool by me.....IMANENIGMA
Posted by: imanenigma at December 3, 2007 2:07 PM
Good grief its hard to get to the right place today.. Woodnwine I too am enjoying meeting new friends thru RSVP, an unexpected but pleasant result.However not sure that I will find a partner this way, but never say never. Its strange to come across so many fun,intelligent people who are all single,some comments actually make me laugh out loud. Its fun and I won't be stopping anytime soon regardless of family opinions.
Posted by: dolphin46 at December 3, 2007 1:46 PM
Woodnwine,
Great idea, but whats 5% of $0. Cant see it catching on unless it is mandatory at RSVP events
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at December 3, 2007 1:40 PM
Haha.....woodnwine that is sheer marketing brilliance!!!
Posted by: misswendyxx at December 3, 2007 1:32 PM
Misswendy - why doesn't RSVP have caps and Tshirts saying "find me on RSVP"? Sort of like the Yellow Pages adds. Now there's a marketing idea ED, can I have 5% of all profits please? You'll need to change the "let your fingers do the walking" bit though.
Posted by: woodnwine at December 3, 2007 1:17 PM
hi folks, just a little Q...
Is it love when your every move, right down to what you wear is being dictated by the one person who says "they love you"??
Surely not.
Posted by: ilovedaffodils at December 3, 2007 12:32 PM
Woodnwine I have noticed that too and when I click on it in the sidebar it wont bring up the page.
I don't have a problem either with saying I am on rsvp. My friends, family and my kids all know and don't bat an eyelid and I have never worried about telling anyone where I met somebody. I was just wondering about the profiles that have to have an excuse as to why they are on here..... why do they see it as an embarrassment we are all here for the same reason.
I must say that all the lovely people on rsvp are all right here on the blogs.
Posted by: misswendyxx at December 3, 2007 12:30 PM
Has anyone else noticed that now after you post you are thrown out of the topic you posted to and go straight back to the menu? Strange.
Posted by: woodnwine at December 3, 2007 12:04 PM
misswendy - sorry, you don't get the medal. Once I had to sign in 12 times.
Posted by: woodnwine at December 3, 2007 12:03 PM
dolphin46 - I place virtually no stigma on being on RSVP. I hope one day I will find a partner on here but in the meantime I am enjoying making new friends. I tell everyone that asks that I met new friends here and so far no one has turned up their nose. I don't however have children to explain it to.
Posted by: woodnwine at December 3, 2007 12:02 PM
Hi everyone. I just signed up and all is going well. well fairly well. Ive paid for email for 4 persons and it has just been a waste of time and money:(
But thats not the problem.
the problem is people who have gotten a relationship and havnt updated thier profiles. I think thats abit selfish, Are you trying to keep your options open whille dating someone, Do you know it takes time to send kisses. this is not on. cmon people be reasonable.
Posted by: snakeking at December 3, 2007 12:00 PM
Hi misswendy, not sure what the record is for signing in,I counted 3,456,789 times once... but that is a bit exaggerated.Seems many of us are having trouble at times getting on.Those gremlins are everywhere.
Ditto to kids and RSVP, my daughter knows I am here and is ok with it, son does not approve, but then again he is 18 and gorgeous and does not need to be here.So not sure where he fits in with the generation and stigma idea. Some of my family think I am crazy to try this but they are not in my situation. I guess "its horses for courses" or some such saying.Must say that the most enjoyable part of RSVP land is the blogs, some of the best people are here.
Hope some of the bloggers get to the Hyatt on Sunday for some pre christmas cheer.
Posted by: dolphin46 at December 3, 2007 11:53 AM
Wow....I just step out (mercy dash to my daughters school -re lost permission slip) and I had to re-sign in 11 times!!! and I didn't even count the first few - is this a record or what.
istj54 I will keep an eye out for any strange blog entries or maybe we can blame it on your daughter.
Speaking of which, my daughter is not allowed anywhere near my rsvp account, have heard too many stories on here about those little gremlin kids changing profiles, that's when you start getting the strange kisses and emails!
ps - I hope you feel better soon ;-)
Posted by: misswendyxx at December 3, 2007 10:58 AM
neuroticfish, love your new profile angle. My only complaint is the mention of the Lord. Unless you're playing the kind of SNAG who attends Christianised spiritualist churches, it's sort of out of place alongside the mention of your religion as New Age.
Here's something to paste for more success:
"I speak with a lateral lisp normally and an interdental lisp when doing my yoga headstand asanas. I believe spiritual practice takes precedence over material concerns, so if you're going to have a problem with me doing my headstands in the living room when guests are over and we're all watching my director's cut version of Lion King, please attune yourself with your fate and realise that I am not the soul for you. I believe in storing food inside pyramids with quartz crystals to ensure I get spiritual as well as physical nourishment, and my neighbours know me as the open and friendly guy who comes over to play with their pets every now and then. Speaking of which, I love animals, and I'm a dedicated activist for the cause of animal rights, so why not email me so we can soul-search over a vegetable salad and then go free Willy."
Posted by: onlinedatingexpert at December 3, 2007 10:37 AM
waterbombe, I've relocated to the First Impressions blog. Most of what I write has to do with first impressions, so I feel it's more on-topic there than here. ;-)
Posted by: onlinedatingexpert at December 3, 2007 10:19 AM
Home sick, misswendy! Didn't you get my note? Might get a report or two done at the same time as I am doing my other ten things. This multi-tasking could well be the reason most of my blogs don't make sense, and pixiemagic thinks I'm insane, or somehow lacking in the personality department..If you read a blog saying your child is beginning to....you'll know I've pressed the wrong button and who knows what that poor parent will be reading...my views on falling in love.
My daughter refused to go on rsvp a few months ago when she was single again. Said she was too shy, but she seems to enjoy going through profiles more than I do and has probably sent a whole lot more kisses out than I have. I have banned her as I kept getting no thanks from men I had never seen before, and worse, the occasional yes!
Posted by: istj54 at December 3, 2007 10:04 AM
Dolphin46 I actually suggested to RSVP to do a blog topic on the stigma of internet dating and whether or not it is a generational thing as young people are so computer savvy. Have you noticed on a lot of profiles (mostly the over 35s) seem to feel the need to have an excuse as to why they are on rsvp? Not so with the younger ones - these are a generation of kids who knew how to use a mouse before they could write. My daughter is off to high school next year and has already met half the year 7s through myspace without even meeting any in person - seems to be a way of life for these young kids and if you don't have a myspace you are "uncool".
istj54 glad to see somebody's keeping a track on whose blogging when.......speaking of which, according to my spreadsheet - Shouldn't you be at work?
Posted by: misswendyxx at December 3, 2007 9:48 AM
misswendy, I have a list...if I'd ever excelled at excel it would be easier to track...
Posted by: istj54 at December 3, 2007 9:39 AM
SSC about blogging at certain times and it is great to see you can multi-task and catch a few winks inbetween sign ins and I hope I am not being too forward but would it be okay if I send my ironing over to you?
As for me just incase anyone was tracking my log in times, I am more likely to blog in the evenings if I am working and at the moment I have time off work so I could be blogging at anytime.
Posted by: misswendyxx at December 3, 2007 9:08 AM
ODE
You were always writing as a woman.
It was just a question of who it was.
At least you've taken ownership of your problem.
No go seek help
Posted by: neuroticfish at December 3, 2007 8:34 AM
Hi dolphin46, you are spot on. I am on facebook and myspace, and noone makes any comment. But being on a dating site has raised a few eyebrows amongst family and friends. They are curious and concerned at the same time I think !! But at my age it is difficult to find compatible single males to socialise with, so like the rest of you, I am here !!
Posted by: jenjen57 at December 3, 2007 8:29 AM
Hi Dolphin46....do you where and what time the sydney get together will be!
Posted by: brilliantblue at December 3, 2007 8:25 AM
Hi junebaby and SS, think the problem is the "stigma" associated with dating sites. If we were on My Space we would be "cool" Different needs see us trying this method and this site. I agree junebaby our attached friends and family don't get how difficult it can be to find ourselves single in our prime.It depends on geography as well, south coast of NSW is lovely place to live but its very hard to meet many single males.
PS can you make it on Sunday the 9th?
Posted by: dolphin46 at December 3, 2007 8:17 AM
Sorry SS...I'm not sure which blog it was....but certainly wasn't intended to upset anyone!
Really like your attitude to life!
Posted by: brilliantblue at December 3, 2007 8:10 AM
istj54...jenjen57 said to me dont i ever sleep. yep i multitask while pages load. Fold washing check mail. Yes we have lives...just i have been only on on system a few nights at 2pm but it dont let some people on. Yes multitasking and imanenigma can do it too, but someone says he is actually a woman? Ok. Oh I don't think any of you are sad with no lives. My one concern is istj54 of people with multiple profiles, how do they keep up? The vitriol of some concerns me on here sometimes. But its mostly good I agree.
1. Love happens
2. What does love hope? Love hopes all things and believes all things if you follow 1Corinthians 13. Believing the best????
3. I am not sure if I have learn enough to not repeat same mistakes. I aim to learn and improve? Have no idea if reading Deepak Chopra, Scott Peck and so on help me to change. No idea if it helps.
4. That intoxication? Nope cant really remember it and the online friendship I have is not a real relationship until we meet. I don't want to have just that intoxication, caring and being there. something that goes further than the so-called holiday period. relationships mostly ebb and flow dont they, or wax and wane like the moon maybe. No idea.
ljst54 if i knew these answers I would possibly not be on my computer now! Have a good day everyone. oh and the tears over one of bbs posts was a while ago.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at December 3, 2007 8:01 AM
I agree istj54, I blog early or late as I work long days ( am a Project Manager), weekends is whenever I have the time.
In general, to those who think people on the blogs are desperate with no lives, we are all here because, for me, I have found I can talk to people in a similar situation to mine.
Single at an older age than what is at the night clubs, with a busy job, a house and kids. My girlfriends are attached and do not do online dating, or go out to pick up (figure of speech) so they do not understand it, while they are intertested in the many guys I meet!!
I have found a group of people on the blogs who do understand and have simliar experiences, I am making friends with some male and female bloggers, outside the blogs, which is a wonderful and unexpected side product of RSVP that I did not expect.
For those who think we are all desperate with no lives....try the blogs, meet some people for both friendship and dating, and then see what you think.
Have a lovely day...jewels
Posted by: junebaby57 at December 3, 2007 7:55 AM
SS, I think most of us here do have busy lives and if you observe there seems to be set of people blogging at certain hours each day...an early morning, then mornin etc, with some returning or comin gon at night. I know that I am usually out and about a lot on weekends and work nine hour days...When I am blogging it is part of multi-tasking. I am also doing about ten other things.....I'm just saying this because you get negative people hopping on to infer that are bloggers are just sad cases with no lives. this is not the case and it is usually a positive passtime......
On topic Q1: You don't actually let yourself fall in love. It just happens regardless......
Q2: I don't understand what the hopes of love are, so can't respond unril someone lets me in on it.
Q3: Yes, we learn many things as we get older.....but does it help..hmmm.
Q4: As soon as I feel that intoxication, don't know if it's hope and fear, I am gone.
But will it last? Not often enough.
Posted by: istj54 at December 3, 2007 6:59 AM
something BB wrote made me weep. see i read and weep...it is my hobby. I also laugh, its ok..i am dealing with it. Negative emotions pass if you are lucky and life goes on. Onward and upward. You just pick your self up and keep trying. nite.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at December 3, 2007 12:59 AM
secretk, i had to go out yesterday, and today...i go out of the house you know. yay i did not go on the blog till just before
u dont want it to take over your life you know..........he he
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at December 3, 2007 12:57 AM
abckenny the rsvp kiss i sent was a platonic hi there cos your photo was in my side panel thing. was just saying hi. silly rsvp says i am not signed in when i am so could not post it. sure u would realise if u have followed the blogs as I think u do...its hard to read allllllllllllllll the lines. so i have missed some stuff. computer is sooo slow.
secretk i can not reply to a kiss if you put profile hidden but yes i share your taste in music. he he. my computer is too slow for msn and i just cant chat for a few days, we have a time zone diff and i waste so much time on cutting and pasting and reposting blogs.
that is why they grow
cos i have tried for ages
what time do you usually blog?
i may try the morning but you know sometimes the system dont let me on
oh and best of luck with the date
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at December 3, 2007 12:54 AM
SLS hi, yes i agree of course..."Oh it just happened" yes but to stay on topic sizzling newagesnag why dont we try to speak about "do you fall in love easily"
well the answer is obvious to me, speaking for myself, no or I would not be on RSVP. others are different. we all know the difference between lust and love. Love is when you stay if the partner is ill, tired, and any other kind of not ideal scenarios. We all know this surely. infatuation is not love, crushes are not blah blah. People should just not put up massive barriers. cheers
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at December 3, 2007 12:48 AM
mm..."do we learn to be careful but still feel the intoxication of hope and fear?"..omg yes!
How's this for being careful..I have dated somone from rsvp for two months now and have come to the conclusion I don;t wnat to date others.Trouble is that the subject of profile suspension has not come up.
I have decided to suspend mine as of tonight and will be interested to see if he follows my cue.What would others do in my situation?
Posted by: romanceme4ever at December 2, 2007 11:30 PM
ODE to ODE
where are you ODE, I hope you are not having some time off? Come back and lighten our boring small lives.... and give the XYs some more tips so that us XXs will know where the next move is coming from... I need to keep up-to-date.
Posted by: waterbombe at December 2, 2007 10:44 PM
Brilliantblue.
I love the helicopter story you posted a couple of days ago.
Just lovely and so real, genuinely.
cheers
Posted by: today122 at December 2, 2007 11:01 AM
Morning slightsynchronicity, sorry to have missed you yesterday. Would love to chat. Let me know when you are on and we will see what we can work out.
Morning Brane.
Yes I was up late the other night talking to a lovely bloke. Hmmmm.
Posted by: secretk at December 2, 2007 7:43 AM
Dear SS
I’m not an expert, unlike the 16yo ODE, oh to be fresh out of diapers.
But I would have thought that the general pattern is that the guilty party will deny infidelity if he/she feels that the evidence against him or her in insufficiently strong, or they can get away with it.
Happens every day in a court of law. Sit through some cases where everyone is lying furiously. The poor old judge has to take a punt that there might be a modicum of truth in the sea of lies. That is why lawyers prepare cases by looking for evidence which nails their opponent to the wall and allows of no escape route.
When the evidence is irrefutable, you then get the excusatory or exculpatory conduct “It just happened.” Or “She threw herself at me” (which is a good one if it’s been going on for months or years as most have).
Then the aggrieved party will start up and never shut up, which is when lame duck rubbish like “I love you but am not in love with you” kicks in. And it is rubbish.
It takes proper redress and appropriate behavioural changes to overcome infidelity- things like complete severance of contact with the “lover” (the guilty calls the 3rd party a “lover” the aggrieved starts calling her a “slut” a “shag” etc), reporting movements minutely to the aggrieved party, big effort to restore trust again because it was trust that was breached, and often proper counselling.
And don’t forget, proper counsellors. Not pop psychologists, friends etc.
Relationships Australia and so on
Posted by: superlittlesnag at December 2, 2007 4:20 AM
SLS yep even when I found a note in his pocket saying "Leanne the Legend" he was in denial...ditto the perfume..not until the letter from her which spelt it out. Ha. But you have to move on.
Honesty is of course best and to stay on topic, this sort of betrayal occurring stops some people from falling in love easily. Hopefully we will learn either from things we did not do well or from how someone else treats us...not to do the same thing to others. today122 being honest and responsible is a good way to go into a relationship. Love is a risk but more than just a feeling, I think. Hope to learn about how men tick from this blog.goodnight.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at December 2, 2007 2:08 AM
hi
Um - maybe I'm old fashioned, but a novel idea may be just honesty and taking responsibility?
Just a thought!!
Or are we all beyond that?
Any sort of betrayal - tarting around, violence, verbal abuse, is always justified by the scummy one, which of course only makes them appear even scummier and less worthy of your trust.
The sad thing is that they don't even get any of this.
Posted by: today122 at December 1, 2007 9:44 PM
Is this how you operate, sls?
Posted by: istj54 at December 1, 2007 5:21 PM
Yes, but they have to get caught with their pants down first.
Anything less and it’s more likely to be “you’re imagining things”
Eg catch them with telephone records which record 500 phone calls to one male/female and they will filibuster. “you’re just imagining things” and switch to unrecorded prepaid mobiles and continue on their merry unfaithful way.
Send a PI round and catch them naked in bed, only then do you get the “It just happened.” Which is the red handed one.
The “I love you but am not in love with you” is several weeks down the track when no attempt has been made to redress the wrong eg. Counselling, complete separation from the “lover” (I say “lover” cautiously- some are just straight out shags), remorse, restoration of trust and impeccable behaviour thereafter.
Need I go on
Posted by: superlittlesnag at December 1, 2007 2:24 PM
whatididforlove
I agree with your take on the unfaithful partners "I love you , I am just not in love with you". My emtionally abusive ex used this on me to excuse his affair with 2 of my supposed friends- no not at the same time-lol. I think they also like the thrill of the initial lust/in love feeling. The work involved in keeping an existing relationship happy is often too much for them.
karenchocolat
Posted by: karenchocolat at December 1, 2007 2:06 PM
True Confessions Snag? No,,,but I recall in family lore that was the name of a magazine read by my aunty Dee which(according to my mother) sowed the seeds at an early age for the disgraceful life she was to lead in later years having had about 5 husbands and innumerable affairs as we speak.....
Look further down at the post by abckenny about being in love with two people.
My post was meant as comfort to him.
When you have been cheated on your self esteem is low and in the face of the confusion, and having a life and personal reality turned upside down, it is common to believe that all the garbage the cheaters throw out at you to justify themselves is true.
Posted by: whatididforlove at December 1, 2007 2:03 PM
What I Did For Love
Read your post please.
On its face, you are saying that you are married/ in a relationship, intend to cheat and/or continue cheating, and will continue to use the excuse ‘(I know I'll say) "I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore"
As it stands it is the confession of someone who is cheating and will continue to cheat. Was this intended?
Posted by: superlittlesnag at December 1, 2007 1:38 PM
Hey Brane...
Put your profile up...can't send you an email without it... :)
Posted by: miserableoldcow at December 1, 2007 1:33 PM
abckenny the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" line is a classic that is used the world over by cheaters.
It makes them feel better to say it, helps them to justify what they are doing, and eases the burden of guilt from their minds. It goes hand in hand with "It just happened and I couldn't help it"
It absolves them of responsibility for their actions in their minds and appears to be a socially accepted notion(except to those who have had the misfortune of being on the receiving end)
What they really mean is " Oh god, I have been found out, I had better say something to keep my options open in case things don't work out with the infidelity partner and I still need a home and partner. I had better say something to make my loyal and faithful partner believe it is all their fault that I have cheated on them..make them believe they were not good enough and lacking and therefore deserved this to happen. I know I'll say "I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore" That way my weakness and disrespect for my marriage/relationship will not seem so bad and quite justified especially when everything is revealed to children relations and friends
Posted by: whatididforlove at December 1, 2007 1:23 PM
hi all.
back to the original blog topic?
I had a dear person say to me "you don't need to guard your heart with me", after he had picked up on my obvious raw state, and professed his undying whatever. So my guard was non-existent, and guess what??
Just listen to your instincts, know and value yourself well enough to know what's right for you and you only.
Committment before compability? Needing to believe that we're in love? All a bit tragic really.
Also some people seem to need the adrenalin rush of infatuation, the butterflies and heart pumping to feel alive. Addiction? All it does is turn you into a sick puppy, and really incapable of turning this into real life stuff, and continually looking for the rush. And what of the other person? It's not about them sadly.
So beware my lovelies.
Posted by: today122 at December 1, 2007 9:01 AM
Good Morning
Alas Waterbombe , the blonde was real. She said the only dumb blondes were brunettes which I thought a hilarious paradox.
Wendyxx, yes they vanished and I know why.
Morning secretk, perhaps you’ve had a late night as you're not online as usual.
Sorry ss , my profile is hidden atm. I had a hangover from a night of free food and drink at an Irish pub.
A top of the morning to you all
Posted by: brane at December 1, 2007 8:54 AM
ijst54 hi sorry I did not read that you had written about separate accommodation as am too tired to read down. I agree anyway. Or relationships where one or both are away a lot, which is not what I hope for. However a friend has her man overseas in the army and it seems to suit them. they both have lots of space and an intense close time when they reunite. I just never did meet a guy from an oil rig or whatever. As an idea, seperate accommodation seems good.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at December 1, 2007 2:00 AM
Hi everyone, suggesting to go out when possible was a suggestion to everyone...as Bob mentioned somewhere on here I think.
Imanenigma, I have a few people from the past I "loved" in my limited way who I will never forget and have a place in my heart. But I would not be with them if their circumstances changed. Do people we truly love remain in our heart? I can not be romantically involved with more than one person. Because of computer slowness I can not comment on here when I like most of the time and I have had huge log in problems lately.
Bob, I think and I hope that if I met someone who has to retain some independence that I would welcome it. Seriously I have thought that a good relationship for me could be with him having his own place. I would consider having a relationship with someone who did not live with me all the time. I met a friend of a friend who did that and he and his partner were very happy and did that for 10 years. I love my own space and Independence and it would be very hard to give up. In relationship often someone is clingy I suppose none of us want that. But in a relationship it we put the other first, then we will give them the space they need. Do you think trust comes into it? Some people get jealous of their partners contacts they have though activities outside the home. Cheers everyone and goodnight from me.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at December 1, 2007 1:47 AM
secretk hi, computer slowness, log in failures and havent been home. Have sent a not weird RSVP kiss to you and tried to find brane but could not get the profile. The kiss was to say that I "share your love for the written word." Perhaps our list discussion could continue later as it will probably irritate those who have more sensible things to occupy their thoughts. As someone going through a bit of emotional pain now, humour and other things does help. I find some poems uplifting or if it reflects your situation it can help you feel you are not alone. someone has my MSN on here. Did you have a migraine brane?
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at December 1, 2007 1:25 AM
Auntykaz I have to wholeheartedly agree.Having been on that horrendous rollercoaster for the last 8 months of a 27 year marriage I can tell you it was a very painful and confusing time for all concerned.I don't believe that you can be in love with two people at the same time but my ex insisted that she was.Obviously she still held me dearly but was no longer in love with me.
Kenny
Posted by: abckenny at December 1, 2007 1:09 AM
Personally l don't see how you can have a "romantic" love with more than one person at a time on an emotional level.....l know it would be impossible for me. l can't imagine the confusion, the emotional roller coaster would be horrendous.
I have enough trouble keeping up with myself! ..............K
Posted by: auntykaz at December 1, 2007 12:16 AM
@ misswendyxxx- I believe it may have something to do with some of my previous outspoken ways! (no worse than any others,mind) anyway, all fixed now. P.S give you a tip,a lot of non-topic nasty stuff is being zapped by RSVP and I say good on em!!! its not a chatroom for private bitch sessions. Its a blog with a topic for discussion. So lets all not hog or clog the blog with other...............stuff!....Question- if you have loved someone and still hold them dearly(still love them?)but have no contact at all, is it possible to fall in love with someone else? Can we love two people, or as one love grows, does the other fade??Any thoughts on this folks?......IMANENIGMA
Posted by: imanenigma at November 30, 2007 11:51 PM
Welcome back Waterbombe.
istj54 if you must come back with a (dare I say it) "poem" then the courteous thing to do would be to give me an hours notice so I can make sure I have my wine goggles on.
Brane I think we were a little naughty this morning....did you notice our blogs have disappeared into cyberspace.
imanenigma - It took me 4 days to become a trusted member and I have been blogging til my hearts content ever since, what's with all these people waiting months? I think it might be one of those things where you can't wait too long between drinks......so keep blogging.
Posted by: misswendyxx at November 30, 2007 10:07 PM
but waterbombe that aint fair. I am blonde and never been near a bottle.
Posted by: whatcomesnext at November 30, 2007 9:37 PM
Hey all, I'm back after a few days away. Now, c'mon brane, almost every blonde is artificial, according to my hairdresser, so shouldn't your saying go more along these lines:
"bonded to a bottle blonde and blinded" ?
hmmmm....and if you were both drunk...
"bonded to a bottled blonde
and blind"....
I could go on. But I should stop.
Posted by: waterbombe at November 30, 2007 9:28 PM
istj54, I kept that post by that wise old man, as it struck a chord with me....."What dating guru responded to me with on 20/11/2007 actually made a lot of sense!!!
Keep your independence. You've fought hard for it and treasure it.
What people fail to realise is that these days, there are a lot of variable permutations as to what makes a relationship work.
At age 19, it was every Friday and Saturday night, on a sort of let's get stuck in this routine because that is what society expects of going steady or whatever it was called,
It annoys me when I see statements here to the effect: I want a lover, a friend, a playmate, an activity partner...etc and I would like them all rolled up into one person.
NO! This is the 21st century. You are stuck in a time warp.
One person or a group of person can make up your friends; one can constitute a lover (the modern trend is towards monogamy and away from sleeping with everyone in sight, mostly because of the stds, but note, those who claim to practice "serial monogamy" certainly seem to treat the "serial" bit as equivalent to firing a machine gun; others can be activity partners; others share certain interests that you have developed and have no intention of sacrificing on the altar of compromise."
It actually made heaps os sense and is relevant for dating in todays reality.
Have a lovely eveneing all....jewels
Posted by: junebaby57 at November 30, 2007 9:13 PM
@istj54- yes that is so true! That is one of the great things about being single.....who's around the corner?.....the possibilities are endless.......I have learnt to love my single status and my freedom,as a wise blogger once said and its so true "better to be single, than wish you were!" having said that , im off to meet a lady now.......IMANENIGMA
Posted by: imanenigma at November 30, 2007 8:43 PM
It's all about falling in love too easily, IMANENIGMA.....I think it can depend very much on the situation, and where you are in your life, and in your mind when you meet someone..you might just be ready for some love and in you fall...deep into the abyss....I mean bliss.
Posted by: istj54 at November 30, 2007 8:26 PM
Ahh....trusted status at last!!!...now I have the same freedom of speech as the "veterans" even though I have been blogging/commenting since late july/early august!!! and have always only had ONE visible profile. I have assured RSVP I will behave and stay on topic like everyone else does........mmmmm? as for my thoughts on the subject......scroll back a few days, past the other comments on ............stuff?...IMANENIGMA
Posted by: imanenigma at November 30, 2007 8:16 PM
Thank you, kind sir.....did you say it before?
Posted by: istj54 at November 30, 2007 8:15 PM
Firstly, we are always the one we were and are now.
Yes, we can learn things that take away freedom to attract love and fall in love.
Yes, we can change the above, and feel the joy of falling in love with no conditions and we can be man or woman.
I would like to meet more who can just go with the heart and let what is meant to be...be.
Posted by: greeneyesforyou at November 30, 2007 8:12 PM
when the sun goes down.......just avoid the phantoms of your past, those that haunt you in your nightmares, put aside your past..
I'll say again, you are a wonderful person
Posted by: superlittlesnag at November 30, 2007 8:05 PM
and where are you when the sun goes down.....
Does distance matter?
I think I remember a blog about that...doesn't matter to Wraecca and Brushkestrel, or Funlovertoo and Amuso...
A wise old man wrote an excellent blog once about having different people and relationships in our lives to serve different purposes...you don't get everything, or shouldn't expect it, from just one person....I think that post was deleted..wasn't it babe? I agree with this philosophy and live by it myself. I get all sorts of different things from all sorts of different people...and will continue to do so...distance is nothing if a person makes you smile!
Posted by: istj54 at November 30, 2007 7:53 PM
You can call me anything, babe...
just a bit creepy!
Posted by: istj54 at November 30, 2007 7:25 PM
You don't mind if I call you Babydoll do you.
I mean, you are one cute and wonderful baby doll.
Hope that doesn't sound too creepy.
Posted by: superlittlesnag at November 30, 2007 7:13 PM
ISTJ54 My last boyfriend called me Babydoll all the time...I think he'd forgotten my name.Can you blame him?Seems you have a few different ones lately
Posted by: abckenny at November 30, 2007 6:50 PM
The creepy thing was he was in a band and I downloaded some of his stuff and one of the songs begins with him saying, "This one's for you, Babydoll"...but this was recorded in the seventies or early eighties...creepy!
Posted by: istj54 at November 30, 2007 6:33 PM
Babydoll suits you
Posted by: superlittlesnag at November 30, 2007 6:20 PM
Good Evening
I've been out and about doing stuff, u know life v2.0. I did love Red Dwarf's Better than Life though
blonded is a pun = bonded to a blonde
and blinded
not a faux pas , just a statement of fact. I expect every blonde here
to shower me with vitriol for saying it but I don't mind
I'm going out to check on the BBQ trout my brother-in-law is cooking
Have a Good Evening, especially the brisbane bloggers
Posted by: brane at November 30, 2007 6:05 PM
My last boyfriend called me Babydoll all the time...I think he'd forgotten my name.
Posted by: istj54 at November 30, 2007 6:02 PM
SLS, You make me smile..n that's a good thing!
Posted by: istj54 at November 30, 2007 5:31 PM
Very quiet, Misswendy. I have been quietly and sadly destroying all my lyrics from the sad old lady's got the blues site...but I may come back with some poetry for you when inspiration kicks in..
Brane, Blonded? Is that a faux pas..
Woodnwine, I can't remember Babydoll, but I am sure we are good friends.
Alphabetaphi, would you like to be hon?..My son is using that computer excuse so as not to have to put any money into my account...I may just have to Yum tomorrow with no Cha......I know it's the truth when you speak about what young people are doing at those concerts, pubs, raves..whatever...and it is a worry. My kids have always been pretty open and honest with me and tell me what happens..I've been through the bong in the backyard stage too..My latest offspring worry was when my son called me shytefaced in a field in Ibitha about two months ago..I'm sure there should be a sh**faced in a field hotline for the young of this world...He claims he's going back every year now and we all know what for. Some people just like to live with their heads in the sand...got to come up for air sometime.
Posted by: istj54 at November 30, 2007 5:07 PM
Goodness me the blogs are quiet this afternoon.........are you out there Brane?????
ilovedaffodils welcome to the blogs.
Theres a little gem of a saying about forgiveness or forgetting......time heals all wounds......and then there is time wounds all heels.
Posted by: misswendyxx at November 30, 2007 3:52 PM
istj , you are confusing me with someone else. I was still blonded in Sept
Posted by: brane at November 30, 2007 10:57 AM
Wendyxx get 8mbps with ADSL1 , if you are too far from exchange you might only achieve 5 but it still rocks
Posted by: brane at November 30, 2007 10:56 AM
istj54 - who mentioned Sally Fields? Wasn't it babydolll1? Maybe you know her?
Posted by: woodnwine at November 30, 2007 10:45 AM
it is easy to fall inlove , soo hard to fall out of it but the big thing is forgiving the person that broke your heart, i seem to find a problem with that, will forgiveness ever come i sometimes wonder??
Posted by: ilovedaffodils at November 30, 2007 9:33 AM
AlphaBetaPhi: Youre going to an Offspring concert? Funny, I thought they were in Brisbane in late Feb next year, rather than tonight...
Posted by: brushkestrel at November 30, 2007 9:22 AM
Yes Mushie6 we do learn as we get older. We are more confident in what we want and don't want, which makes us become a lot choosier and therefore we are still looking...looking.......
Posted by: misswendyxx at November 30, 2007 8:56 AM
Thanks Ellida for your assistance in facilitating my 'approval' at last after months of waiting. Somebody does listen in there at RSVP.
Posted by: mushie6 at November 30, 2007 8:55 AM
LMAO @ wendyxx , Yes
Posted by: brane at November 30, 2007 8:52 AM
Do we learn anything as we get older? Yes I have learned heaps, forgotten more, and still looking.. sigh
Posted by: mushie6 at November 30, 2007 8:49 AM
Of all the preposterous assumptions of humanity over humanity, nothing exceeds most of the criticisms made on the habits of the poor by the well-housed, well- warmed, and well-fed.
- Herman Melville
You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a firefly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
- Fred Allen
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
- Woody Allen
Posted by: brane at November 30, 2007 8:48 AM
Yes BB great jokes.
Posted by: misswendyxx at November 30, 2007 8:44 AM
istj54 that is right, all songs are now moderated. Your submission of Kris Kristofferson was deemed offensive and therefore not in line with the terms and conditions. All submissions of song lyrics will now be required to seek prior approval from myself. Have a great day - The complaints dept.
Posted by: misswendyxx at November 30, 2007 8:43 AM
love the jokes brilliantblue!
Posted by: mushie6 at November 30, 2007 8:42 AM
Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall.
They weren't able to designate a person, until the woman gave a very touching speech.
She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, or for men in general, and she was used to always making sacrifices, with little in return.
As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping.
Posted by: brilliantblue at November 30, 2007 8:18 AM
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be So stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you"
Posted by: brilliantblue at November 30, 2007 8:16 AM
Hi Jewels....with 3 boys I made sure we had unlimited downloads!
Posted by: brilliantblue at November 30, 2007 8:04 AM
re the slow down computer, my son is doing that to me each month now, and we have a 20gig plan!!!!! He down loads heaps of movies and shows and games, which uses all my bandwidth up!
So we are on slow now till the 4th, when we kick into the new month...it is such a pain. I am in an area where I can't get ADSL2...bugger.
Posted by: junebaby57 at November 30, 2007 7:56 AM
Cat ain’t got my tongue, sweetie.
My computer has been slowed to 2 kb a sec or something till month’s end.
Which is faster than my love life at the moment, which has taken some giant strides backwards, and I certainly am not “on top of you” either in the blogs or anywhere else for that matter.
I am merely contemplating the great “fun” the Association of United Conspiracy Theorists are planning for themselves tonight, whilst I’ll be out at some concert making sure their offspring behave.
Posted by: alphabetaphi at November 30, 2007 7:49 AM
Cat got your tongue?
If you are mindlessly bored today, while I'm out effecting the country's future...checkout the Dating over 40 blog...Sept 14th 3.44pm...I am actually the first authenticated blogger. You are on top of me chatting to Rocco about Noosa....don't know what that means for out future!
That's right Brane, I've been around a lot longer than you, but you knew that.
Posted by: istj54 at November 30, 2007 7:18 AM
Thanks for the inspiration, Brane..I'll get back to you all later...thinking, thinking...berroca, soccer, focker, mocker, locker....hmmmm.
Oh what a night, late December...
Posted by: istj54 at November 30, 2007 7:06 AM
In there beginning there was darkness
Then there was light
Then there was pain
Then there was berocca,codeine and tea
Then there was less pain
Then there was recollection
What a night
Posted by: brane at November 30, 2007 6:56 AM
Well if it ain’t the great love of my life
Posted by: alphabetaphi at November 30, 2007 6:55 AM
No one wants poems or songs anymore. Didn't you read the complaints section?
Posted by: istj54 at November 30, 2007 6:28 AM
Hi Malsy
You've given me the palsy
Now I'm climbing the wallsy
Down the hallsy
Posted by: alphabetaphi at November 30, 2007 12:20 AM
wraecca: Aaaaahhhhh...that is what love is all about....
My best friend is also my former partner...You can say "Hi" to him tomorrow night, too!
Posted by: hiddencharms at November 29, 2007 9:55 PM
Oh and just so you all know, I've only ever been in love this way twice in my life. The first time, we were best friends and I loved him until the day that he broke my heart and split up with me. We are still friends, we just aren't romantically linked anymore (and it took a while to get over him, too).
Posted by: wraecca at November 29, 2007 9:10 PM
@ hiddencharms & brilliantblue....on passionate and spontaneous behavior...anytime is the right time,girls..........keep the fires burning......life without passion, no thanks.......and sadly for some of us singles....we can almost "drown" in our own passion with no love to share it with.......however, this may be the lesson taught to us to appreciate "true love" more should we be fortunate enough to experience it once again......I look forward to the day with a smile on my face....and a song in my heart (oh, please!!, sorry that just slipped out!!)........a word to those who have been hurt with love before.... be careful the walls we build to protect ourselves from future hurt, dont become "prison" walls, isolating us from the love we so desire.......PASSION FIRST!!!... the dishes can wait!!....IMANENIGMA
Posted by: imanenigma at November 29, 2007 9:09 PM
SeraphSuzie, in regards to your post where you said "I want to know how you know that you have fallen in love.. and I don't mean that first lust rush.. but the realisation that you know that you cannot be without that person ever..."
When I fall in love, that mad, head-over-heels, breathtaking, butterfly-in-my-tummy kind of love, there are several indicators. One is, of course, the whole butterfly-in-your-tummy feeling whenever you think of that person. Another is when you envisage the future, they are in it and if you try and think about a future without them, it feels like your heart has just been ripped out of your chest. Another one is when you get some exciting/happy/sad/upsetting news, the first person you think about telling is that special someone.
However, the last way in which you may be able to tell (and I know this from experience) is when you are talking to this person, trust them with your private thoughts, your past, your secrets and your heart, then they say something (unintentionally) which makes the bottom of your world drop out. You can feel your heart breaking and there is nothing you can do, because that person has not been mean or nasty, but have said something that was meant in a different way than you interpreted it and they don't even realise the impact of their comment on you. Especially if it's a mis-communication. All you know is that it feels as though you've been sucker-punched in the gut, then had your heart twisted until you can't bear it anymore, but still do. That is how you know that you can't be without that person.
Oh, BK, you didn't actually offend me with what you said. It was more like what I've described above. But at least it has a happy ending, right? :D
Posted by: wraecca at November 29, 2007 9:06 PM
...and the afternoon...and the evening...
Posted by: hiddencharms at November 29, 2007 8:41 PM
Sounds good to me Hiddenscharms....the best way to start the day!
Posted by: brilliantblue at November 29, 2007 8:29 PM
seraphsuzie.
you don't know what you got till it's gone
true but painful.
What happens is that you get used to a person and then you take them for granted and then when they decide to leave you realise how much you want them,but having said that if a partner pulls the stunt of leaving and not leaving to get your attention then eventually you get sick of it and start to put up barriers just in case it does happen and then love goes.
My opinion is to put everything you have got into the relationship you have.
If you can't or don't want to do that then maybe you need to sit back and look at yourself and what you really feel for the person.Just my opinion.
Love the one your with.
Posted by: thefotografer at November 29, 2007 7:43 PM
It's OK woodnwine. I'll be there. I'm up, not so much about, but still alive and kicking...
Posted by: hiddencharms at November 29, 2007 7:19 PM
Passionate and spontaneous...and in the morning...what a way to start the day...!!!
Posted by: hiddencharms at November 29, 2007 7:17 PM
SeraphSuzie:
Re: your post where you said:
"I want to know how you know that you have fallen in love.. and I don't mean that first lust rush.. but the realisation that you know that you cannot be without that person ever..."
I find it sneaks up on me when I'm not looking. I don't see it approaching, but I do know when it's here. I can define it two ways.
The way I like to think about it is a gradual realisation. The kind where it dawns on you that every time you think of anything, the other person is there in your head. When you realise that you now natively think in terms of *we* rather than *I*.
I've found there is also another way to see it as well. A sudden way. Unfortunately, this way means you get hurt. It's a raw, painful hurt, too. One that doesn't go away. When it hurts that much that you said something that they took the wrong way. Said something that although it wasn't intended to, offended them.
Wraecca knows what I mean with the last one...
Posted by: brushkestrel at November 29, 2007 6:46 PM
right on BB,
Without passion chemistry wont get any further
Posted by: ilovedaffodils at November 29, 2007 6:24 PM
Whoever brought up the passion bit this morning...absolutely agree, I like a man to be passionate and spontaneous!
Posted by: brilliantblue at November 29, 2007 5:55 PM
So you agree, Brane? I do look a bit like Sally Fields.
Posted by: istj54 at November 29, 2007 5:40 PM
Hi Brane...its a pity I can't make it tonight would have been fun, having quite a few people over tomorrow night for early birthday/christmas drinks so got to clean up a bit around here then go drink and food shopping!
Posted by: brilliantblue at November 29, 2007 5:22 PM
Yes, sybil, I remember they day you became istj54, luckily you're stuck , cause the wind has changed, Its best to move like the ocean and stand tall as a rock. I did give u the benefit. BB was right. Enjoy that dark red
Posted by: brane at November 29, 2007 5:07 PM
Notgodsgift...I think I understand what you are getting at or to...At the start of most relationships everyone is on their best behaviour and may see more of the person than they actually mean to later on....when suddenly all their other commitments factor in again...This can cause problems..I think it is best to start out as you mean to continue, then no one is dismayed when the other wants their time-out. You decide early if this is enough time for you or search for someone else more compatible time wise.
Many of the longest lasting relationships have people living in separate accommodation.
Personally, I don't think Woodnwine is as nice as you think he is. He has another side that sometimes comes out to play...a dark side...the inner alpha.
I'm sounding a bit tipsy here so I might as well go and find an amusing little drop of something.......red.
I can pretend that I'm at the next table listening in to your "discussion" with the guys....so don't mind me, keep talking.
By the way, I am istj, aries, bozo,rat or snake(?) whatever, a clown....
Posted by: istj54 at November 29, 2007 5:01 PM
Hiddencharms - hope you are on the mend and getting ready for the bloggers dinner in Brisbane. Miserableoldcow, hope you are all set for a good night. Is anyone else interested in joining us, I think we currently have about 8 or 9 starters. Go on, you know you want to come so support RSVP and spend a stamp.
Posted by: woodnwine at November 29, 2007 4:50 PM
I talk to myself on Thursdays......It was a very ugly incident that took some time to defuse...lacking the usual alphamale who works nearby....who usually just looks at me in times of distress and says, "Get over it..."
Posted by: istj54 at November 29, 2007 4:50 PM
alphabetsoup - maybe you need to develop a more direct approach or you could be going round in circles for years and you wouldn't want that would you?
Posted by: woodnwine at November 29, 2007 4:47 PM
istj54
They were there today...n all went well, till the spider incident..
do you always talk to yourself on wednesdays?
Posted by: thefotografer at November 29, 2007 4:43 PM
Oh jenn!! make my day :)
You bad girl
Posted by: thefotografer at November 29, 2007 4:36 PM
They were there today...n all went well, till the spider incident....I don't work on Wednesdays...if that is of interest to anyone..it is to me....let's talk...I'm here for true lurv too.
Posted by: istj54 at November 29, 2007 4:28 PM
LOL, Oh , Yes, I'm sure. Let us define true then, or perhaps you mean true lust
Posted by: brane at November 29, 2007 4:11 PM
I am here for true love.
Posted by: alphabetaphi at November 29, 2007 3:45 PM
Then alphabeti,
Why are you here. As a friend of mine said many , many years ago,"It's the hunt I can't handle, Its a lot easier to go out and buy a killing"
Posted by: brane at November 29, 2007 3:16 PM
Brane dearest.
Some of us may not want to vent and feel and touchy touchy.
Only interested in getting the nicolodeons off in the quickest possible time
Posted by: alphabetaphi at November 29, 2007 3:07 PM
Surely alphabetaphi
You are relying on an old stereotype in this Brave New World. The alpha males these days are the ones with the looks ,money, intelligence and perception to achieve what they want. Status in our society is a complex thing and oversimplification clouds the issue. There's no shortage of deltas like you talk about.
Posted by: brane at November 29, 2007 2:49 PM
Mr Speaker,
I direct the Member for Wide Bay to a passage in Hansard for 1 Sept 2007 wherein the honourable member did say:
“cynical and anonymous..please don't speak those words on my behalf...I am cringing with embarrassment” “
I ask the Member for Wide Bay, has she blogged under names, inter alia, such as Cynical and Anonymous and What I Did For Love.
Cross referencing my dear is an engrained habit. And you were addressing WnW at the time, not me.
Posted by: alphabetaphi at November 29, 2007 2:36 PM
Outamycomfortzone Hi ,
In reference to your post, and i quote "So my question is ... Can you fall out of love as easy as we fall in love ?" Can we make our selfs fall in love with somebody? a good question at that too might i add.
the word LOVE is quite a big word and alot of times is carelessly thrown about ,taken for granted and in the cases of lust be mistaken for love...
NO..i do not think it is easy to fall out of love as it is to fall inlove, especially in a case where it is actually love! but it may differ in each circumstances given how strong the love is.
One can not make another fall inlove with them, a person has to feel something towards someone in order to proceed a little further with this game we call love.
just my two cents worth. :-)
Posted by: ilovedaffodils at November 29, 2007 2:28 PM
outamycomfortzone: for me, falling in love isn't easy, its scary and wonderful but not easy. but falling out is sooo hard, the worst feeling of all and being on the receiving end is ... well ... i guess most of us have been there
Posted by: secretk at November 29, 2007 2:21 PM
There is always a line in the sand , once that is crossed its either the beginning of the end or the end of the beginning, it depends on the balance between independence and interdependence.
Posted by: brane at November 29, 2007 2:10 PM
That would be right now it lets me sign in and go through ..DO you fall in love to easily .. We all have lessons to learn in life so every time we think we fall in love we are learning our latest lesson. So my question is ... Can you fall out of love as easy as we fall in love ? Can we make our selfs fall in love with somebody? A friend told me there is a fine line between love and hate .Is that like a fine line between pleasure and pain..
Posted by: outamycomfortzone at November 29, 2007 1:54 PM
Would love to say something about this but 3 times already i cant remember the words ....
Posted by: outamycomfortzone at November 29, 2007 1:47 PM
Jovial67---I looked at your profile and just fell in love with you!
"Because you're gorgeous....."
Unfortunately for me not the right age group.
Thanks for your comment .
Posted by: whatididforlove at November 29, 2007 1:45 PM
Alphabetaphi yes, I remember that post..it was the one where I also said
to you
"What a sad empty life you must lead to have to try to continually guess the identity of bloggers and try to see if they match previous bloggers, and then point out any similarities. Your purpose for that? "
You have just confirmed my opinion but now you are plain creepy. I wonder what about my posts has disturbed you to the extent that you would take the time to cross reference my postings on an anonymous blog site?
Yes I did say those words but what is your point? Everything I wrote is true.
Posted by: whatididforlove at November 29, 2007 1:39 PM
But remember too, hell hath no fury.
Posted by: brane at November 29, 2007 1:38 PM
Yes, them are wise words woodnwine. I shall be slipping down to that Irish Pub's Birthday tonight, but distance precludes most of us joining in a deep and meaningful discussion of where we went wrong and how we would do it better next time. Selection is the key I think. As that movie said, "Choose wisely", and sometime the obvious choice is never the wisest.
Posted by: brane at November 29, 2007 1:36 PM
I have just broken up with someone I had been going out with for about a month. We had been chatting online for months before that. He had a highly developed sense of independence- usually being too busy renovating his house and practising for competition ball-room dancing to spend much time with me.
There is a selfish end of the independenced continuum. I did not want to infringe on the time he needed to do these things- just thought that our developing relationship should have been given some priority. I work and have a social life, and he was retired- yet I was the one who had to fit into his timetable.
Maybe as we get older we can get too set in our ways and selfishly put ourselves first all of the time. I believe that this is not how we should be thinking if we want to have a relationship with someone.
karenchocolat
Posted by: karenchocolat at November 29, 2007 1:01 PM
notgodsgift, brane, brilliantblue, misswendyxx and others - good discussion, pity we can't all slip down to the pub together tonight, open a bottle of wine and continue it. It would be fun and I think helpful for all of us in one way or another.
On the point of independance vs clingy again - in my marriage my ex viewed me as clingy as she needed lots of space. In my last relationship I viewed my partner as clingy as I needed more space than she did. I think that shows that (using me as the constant in the equation) it is all a matter of degrees and finding someone who wants roughly the same level of closeness or independance as you do that makes relationship really work.
On your question notgodsgift, I think if this degree of requirement is very different between two people then yes, it is hard to maintain that relationship no matter how much else they have in common because the more clingy person will always feel like they are being short-changed. Hopefully those people can however remain friends.
Posted by: woodnwine at November 29, 2007 12:53 PM
Hi SecretK,
On the blog topic "do I fall in love too easily", the answer is no, I dont. I would hope that we all learn something as we get older, but I think for those people coming out of long term relationships, it is a whole lot more difficult.
Am I careful? I would say not really, but I am confident I know what I want and can give and I look for women who seem to understand that, and can accept that. Once we have that understood, perhaps if there are no other issue, something might develop other than friendship.
Other people have different views on that, and good luck to them, but I am trying not to duplicate previous mistakes that have ended up hurting someone who misunderstood me.
If that makes me seem shallow to some, then so be it, but at least the women that meet me know exactly where I stand.
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at November 29, 2007 12:41 PM
Hi notgodsgift
You've expressed yourself clearly now and your arguments make all the more sense for it. Good luck in your endeavours.
Posted by: brane at November 29, 2007 12:37 PM
Notgodsgift....if you're with the right person, you won't have the dilemma of whether your independence is at risk.
If you find yourself in this situation, that person is not the one for you. From what you say I would assume it would be a women who also likes a lot of her own space who would be attracted to you!
As for Woodnwine...if I lived in QLD, he's definitely someone I would like to meet!
Secretk agree - Jeff Buckley is one of my all favourites...fanastic voice!
Posted by: brilliantblue at November 29, 2007 12:35 PM
hello - notgodsgift. I lost the thread somewhere along the line ...
So what are your thoughts on the blog topic. Do we learn as we get older and have you gotten careful?
Posted by: secretk at November 29, 2007 12:11 PM
Woodnwine (sorry for misspelling your handle before),
Not saying any different to you about different types of relationships, just trying to get opinions on what independence means to everyone and how it effects the relationship (and whether we understand the other partners view). My "caring and sharing" is another persons "clingy and needy" is what I am trying to say - badly obviously - so how do you (both) deal with that when you find someone that is otherwise perfect for you?
What you experienced in your marriage, I started to have that develop in mine towards the end, so I know from where you are coming. She grew and developed different interests and I stayed the same, no fault or blame to her, we grew apart.
I am not a one night stand type of guy and never will be (though I have done it a couple of times in my life), I raised FwB as a topic of discussion, nothing more, nothing less; but I think it is an interesting subject to discuss, but obviously not for everyone.
I have no problems with people being selective, I am too, and believe that we all should be when it comes to seeking a partner. Brane mentioned that I wanted a harem...are you joking? But I do want to meet a few women and see if there is one that strikes that chord with me, and dating several seems like a reasonable thing to do...and I am up front on my profile about that. I am also making friends along the way, and happy to do so because, for me, that is another part of being an RSVP'er, finding the types of friends that I dont normally get to meet in the clubs and pubs (ie women in my age group - they dont go out anymore for some reason).
Anyway, before all of this starts to turn a bit nasty, lets just nip it in the bud now and agree to disagree and leave it at that.
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at November 29, 2007 12:04 PM
Yes woodnwine
its not that you weren't clear, its just that your're asking him to see what he can never see
Posted by: brane at November 29, 2007 11:45 AM
Hi misswendyxx - I liked your comments - I agree that to have a partner who can still maintain their own interests and you keep yours is good but someone who goes out each weekend without you seems pointless.
Mostly I agree with BB, when you are in a good relationship, independence just doesn't seem to be an issue.
Brane: i was wrong, with the checklist the no 1 should be "able to love and be loved" then no 2 "passion"
Glad you are getting into Jeff Buckley - will download the lilac wine song to you.
So getting back to the blog topic, i hope that I never become careful so that love passes me by. I hope that I can be open to that wonderful feeling called love and all the fun, laughter, tears and joy that it can bring
Posted by: secretk at November 29, 2007 11:43 AM
Hi notgodsgift
Isn't it apparent that people are of different types. We all categorise people , its part of human nature. The basis for myers-brigg types is much more realistic than any statement about firesigns. I am an Aries, I am an OX , I am an INTP.
The last actually means something based on hereditary and environment rather than the chance alignment of celestial bodies.
Posted by: brane at November 29, 2007 11:40 AM
Hi notgodsgift - You seem to misunderstand me again, maybe it was my poor choice of words; some people have told me I don't always blog particularly well. I don't remember ever saying or inferring that I was here seeking anyone's approval - I thought what I said was I had learnt a lot about myself from the comments of others, including yourself. Personally, I think criticism, as opposed to abuse, can teach you a lot about yourself if you are prepared to listen and that is what I have tried to do, not always successfully I know.
You seem to have a big issue with independance but remember others are entitled to different ideas without meaning they are "clingy". Independance, trust and encouragement are all important in a relationship but if there is too much desire for too much independance then I think you need to ask do you want a relationship or just a "friends with benefits" friendship with no commitment? I have been in a relationship where the other person wanted an extraordinary amount of independance and finally for me there was no point as I ended up doing nearly everything by myself. I want to be with someone where we can share things, not everything but most things. That is my desire and obviously your's is different - that's OK, everyone is different.
I am still here for the same reason as Brane - I am selective. That doesn't mean I am stuck up, shallow or anything like that - it means I am looking for the right person and won't just jump into bed with anyone that comes along. I am making friends (without benefits) along the way though so I'm not completely alone.
Posted by: woodnwine at November 29, 2007 11:25 AM
Take what Brane, you haven't given me anything yet? Here I am thinking that we are all people and I find out that you are a character from a Myers-Briggs survey.
But you have just made my point on independence with you own feet. Which one of you wanted a closer relationship and which to maintain their independence? My point is, unless there is mutual agreement and understanding of what it means to each party, there are going to be problems. Isn't it better to have this understood up front rather than find out you have different views weeks or months down the track of a relationship?
Also, is it a deal breaker if everything else is great? For you maybe, but I dont know the other circumstances of your recent relationship, there may have been other issues, but that is your business, not mine.
On the subject of Woodnwine, who's trying to belittle him? I have nothing personal against him whatsoever. I have made a couple of personal observations (I stress Personal) that he can do with what he likes. He has obviously taken note and asked the question of others, and I have asked them a tougher question - I hope they are honest enough (as friends) to answer him truthfully.
Woodnwine,
I hate speaking about you rather than to you, so accept my apologies for the above. Feel free to jump in any time you wish because I think if we were together in a pub discussing our personal characteristics, it might just be a really great topic - and I think that is the case for everyone (ie face to face interaction).
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at November 29, 2007 11:18 AM
Brane
I’ll tell you what Alpha males are like.
There are “kisses” on here which say:
“Post a photo”
“Update your profile”
Blah blah.
Noone, and I mean, noone, tells or commands an Alpha Male what to do, and certainly not a woman.
There is no kiss reply suitable for Alpha Males like “Get stuffed woman.”
That is Alpha territory. Goes with the Hummer
Posted by: alphabetaphi at November 29, 2007 11:13 AM
That's okay Brane, glad you are discovering Buckley he is just an amazing talent. Enjoy xxx
Posted by: misswendyxx at November 29, 2007 11:11 AM
OOps, yes I'm sorry wendyxx, I realise now that I overstepped the mark and you were just expressing a taste preference. I am getting to like buckley too, a recent thing
Posted by: brane at November 29, 2007 10:53 AM
LOL, Yes mate, I've been single for 6 weeks since I voted with my feet, precisely over the issue of independence that you rave about constantly.
Why am I still here, I'm a selective male, what's the rush, Valentine day is a long way off. I will say things to provoke discussion, I'm an INTP as I said before. I will play devil's advocate.
Since you didn't mind trying to play the alpha male (somewhat poorly) here I assumed you were strong enough to take it instead of trying to belittle woodnwine. You strike me as someone looking for a harem rather than a relationship. Prove me wrong
Posted by: brane at November 29, 2007 10:46 AM
Hi Folks
Interesting view and points.
I'm a complete doofus when it comes to man -woman relationships, but having said that doesnt mean one cant try. As for falling in and out of love easily.. im going to be honest, it takes me a loong time to fall in love and love is something i have not found yet, probably because i have not yet met a man who could knock me off my feet whilst making my heart stamer with butterflies in my stomach.
Does it exist tho? I'm still trying to find out...hence RSVP. Yes i belive we learn as we go along, some do some don't but that is why we have uniqueness! As for love i think, my personal views on that are...to be or not to be" When we find the right person, love takes time to form and shape, it takes a millisecond to fall inlove with someone, a lifetime to work on it, commitment, motivation trust, communication,understanding the need for personal space etc etc...."
but if love is real and love is true, you will not fall out of it nor give up on it, but work on it.
Posted by: ilovedaffodils at November 29, 2007 10:46 AM
secretk - no problem jeff is awesome!
Posted by: misswendyxx at November 29, 2007 10:42 AM
Notgodsgift I just read your post. How would I feel if someone wanted their independence? I would encourage my partner to go off and keep pursuing whatever he enjoyed prior to our meeting and I would like to be supported the same way as there are things I don't want to give up that doesn't involve a partner too.
As to appropriate times well I guess that is where there needs to be a compromise, if you are going to tell me you want some alone time every Saturday night then I am already heading for the door, no chance of becoming clingy. It's about balance and not about "the me me me" time because you are in a relationship and that is about sharing and involves a level of compromise.
Thanks Brane, like I said I liked your poems and each to our own about what artists we like - it's subjective. I am quite sure that if I started printing lyrics by the "Eagles of Death Metal" people are not going to like it. I just felt that there is starting to be too many songs getting quoted here that's all. I am really sorry if I offended you as that is not what I intended. xxx
Posted by: misswendyxx at November 29, 2007 10:32 AM
Brane,
Duhhhh!! The guy with all the answers to life and relationships; yet here you are still...wonder why??
The problem with you buddy is that you are so full of expressing your own intellectual superiority over the masses that you have completely missed my point.
Sit back and keep wishing and hoping and praying.........god, now you have me doing doing it!!
Needless to say, I agree with MissWendyXX
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at November 29, 2007 10:30 AM
Yes, wendyxx you should listen too, obviously another doer who can't read between the lines
Posted by: brane at November 29, 2007 10:18 AM
misswendyxx : thank you for liking buckley
Posted by: secretk at November 29, 2007 10:17 AM
Hi notgodsgift
Its obvious you are an doer not a thinker and lack the ability to read between the lines, so I'll explain in cold hard english.
Everyone needs their space, its a given. But as some have explained quite well, its not crucial during the initial getting closer stage and would appear to be cold and uninviting.
Independence is a word that conveys a lot of meaning, are you referring to an open relationship or just time with the boys, or personal space.
Love is about interdependence but that doesn't exclude independence, it just involves trust.
The verse here livens up what would otherwise be a soulless whine by many over their unhappiness. You have to understand what is being said.
Its the choice of verse that matters and who is saying what to whom, or trying to attract whom.
Posted by: brane at November 29, 2007 10:15 AM
I don't want to offend anyone here but can you guys all ease up on the song words, religious passages, hymns and poems. Whilst these can be inspirational, the blogs are for opinions and lively discussion.
Brane your poems are lovely and even more so knowing it's your own work but when you quoted Tina Arena that just tipped me over the edge! The other day someone subjected me to song lyrics by Kris Kristofferson blahhhhhh. Now the only exception I see here is Jeff Buckley he can be quoted here anytime and in fact I might just reprint the entire Grace album here so everyone here can enjoy it.
Maybe someone could go to the "got an idea for the blogs topic" and put forward the suggestion of the topic: "inspirational quotes, poems, songs, hymns and religious passages" for the masses.
Posted by: misswendyxx at November 29, 2007 10:04 AM
Hi All,
Firstly, had to repost a couple of times and on reading the original, realised that it was all over the place. please ignore that, this is the may it should read.
I think istj54 hit the nail on the head; you can love someone to death, but cant live with them - been there done that - she is still my best friend, though I am over the whole "want a relationship with her" thing.
You can quote all the verse you want, but that is not reality, they are whimsical yearnings (usually based upon unrequited love). Maybe thats the problem here for some; too much yearning and not enough doing. You talk about taking a risk in a relationship, but you cant risk getting out of your comfort zone to go out and about to meet people face to face in the real world, not the cyberworld.
You know, I have read all of the comments on independence and there is one common trait; its all about what you yourselves want, not the other person. What would you do if you met that Mr or Ms Right, but they wanted their independence still? How would you cope with that if they were perfect for you, but wanted to retain a level of freedom that they have enjoyed for years?
I really want to know the answers to these questions because that is something that anyone I meet will have to tolerate. I can be close to someone and commit time and effort to them, but I like being with me at times, and those times may not suit what you want.
Woodnwine,
You proved my point the minute you ran off into cyberspace seeking approval. Why do you need approval to be who you are, does the approval of others shape your character?
My point also is that women do like nice guys (believe it or not, I know that because I have been there and done that) its obvious a lot here like you, but when it comes to a relationship....all those girls that know (and met) and really like Woodnwine...would you have a relationship with him and if not, why, he's a lovely guy (I am not being facetious here)??
It is starting to look like I have a vendetta against you, but I dont. I have read many of your blogs and read the anguish in the tone at times that there is no-one for you, so this is my way of giving you my impressions (for what they might be worth to you).
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at November 29, 2007 9:56 AM
Similar sentiment in "Chains", locked up by love and passion. Although at the moment I identify more with "Heaven help my heart", about love lost !!
Morning all. A
Blog now closed; thank you for your comments!
Posted by: rsvpproducttest at December 3, 2007 3:20 PM