RSVP Blog
Do you fall in love too easily?
When is it okay to let yourself fall in love for the first time, or maybe the next time?
Who falls first for the hopes of love, is it men or women?
Do we learn anything as we get older?
Do we learn to be careful but still feel the intoxication of hope and fear?
Posted November 26, 2007 3:52 PM
Latest Comments
Blog now closed; thank you for your comments!
Posted by: rsvpproducttest at December 3, 2007 3:20 PM
imanenigma
Agree with you 100% also! However anyone I mention online dating to doesn't suggest I am desperate, but they have concerns about what sort of men are on these site. Most of my girlfriends, all married and partnered for a long time, are convinced it is the playground of the attached/married male.
Jen
Posted by: jenjen57 at December 3, 2007 3:03 PM
Imanenigma, who would have thought that one day just around the corner......that I would agree 100% with what you just posted.Age of miracles is not dead after all.
PS hope you get the sense of humour:)
Posted by: dolphin46 at December 3, 2007 2:11 PM
@misswendyxxx & all, yes, the stigma thing. I have discussed this at times with a few people of various ages and got different responses. (1) You must be desperate to be on a dating site- No, how else do you meet single people, when your friends are all married, you dont like the club/pub scene,time is short(kids,work etc) and we can choose people in our age group etc etc...and I'm self employed and often work and live alone.....(2) only old people do it- No, do a search of various age groups and you will find E.G women as young as 18, many very attractive, with their looks & lifestyle why would they be here if it was the domain of the desperate? Its a new world, with different pressures and challenges. I dont say computer dating or the system is perfect, what is? But to be able to see a photo, read some lines, communicate and get a feel for someone, from the comfort of my home when the time suits , is cool by me.....IMANENIGMA
Posted by: imanenigma at December 3, 2007 2:07 PM
Good grief its hard to get to the right place today.. Woodnwine I too am enjoying meeting new friends thru RSVP, an unexpected but pleasant result.However not sure that I will find a partner this way, but never say never. Its strange to come across so many fun,intelligent people who are all single,some comments actually make me laugh out loud. Its fun and I won't be stopping anytime soon regardless of family opinions.
Posted by: dolphin46 at December 3, 2007 1:46 PM
Woodnwine,
Great idea, but whats 5% of $0. Cant see it catching on unless it is mandatory at RSVP events
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at December 3, 2007 1:40 PM
Haha.....woodnwine that is sheer marketing brilliance!!!
Posted by: misswendyxx at December 3, 2007 1:32 PM
Misswendy - why doesn't RSVP have caps and Tshirts saying "find me on RSVP"? Sort of like the Yellow Pages adds. Now there's a marketing idea ED, can I have 5% of all profits please? You'll need to change the "let your fingers do the walking" bit though.
Posted by: woodnwine at December 3, 2007 1:17 PM
hi folks, just a little Q...
Is it love when your every move, right down to what you wear is being dictated by the one person who says "they love you"??
Surely not.
Posted by: ilovedaffodils at December 3, 2007 12:32 PM
Woodnwine I have noticed that too and when I click on it in the sidebar it wont bring up the page.
I don't have a problem either with saying I am on rsvp. My friends, family and my kids all know and don't bat an eyelid and I have never worried about telling anyone where I met somebody. I was just wondering about the profiles that have to have an excuse as to why they are on here..... why do they see it as an embarrassment we are all here for the same reason.
I must say that all the lovely people on rsvp are all right here on the blogs.
Posted by: misswendyxx at December 3, 2007 12:30 PM
Has anyone else noticed that now after you post you are thrown out of the topic you posted to and go straight back to the menu? Strange.
Posted by: woodnwine at December 3, 2007 12:04 PM
misswendy - sorry, you don't get the medal. Once I had to sign in 12 times.
Posted by: woodnwine at December 3, 2007 12:03 PM
dolphin46 - I place virtually no stigma on being on RSVP. I hope one day I will find a partner on here but in the meantime I am enjoying making new friends. I tell everyone that asks that I met new friends here and so far no one has turned up their nose. I don't however have children to explain it to.
Posted by: woodnwine at December 3, 2007 12:02 PM
Hi everyone. I just signed up and all is going well. well fairly well. Ive paid for email for 4 persons and it has just been a waste of time and money:(
But thats not the problem.
the problem is people who have gotten a relationship and havnt updated thier profiles. I think thats abit selfish, Are you trying to keep your options open whille dating someone, Do you know it takes time to send kisses. this is not on. cmon people be reasonable.
Posted by: snakeking at December 3, 2007 12:00 PM
Hi misswendy, not sure what the record is for signing in,I counted 3,456,789 times once... but that is a bit exaggerated.Seems many of us are having trouble at times getting on.Those gremlins are everywhere.
Ditto to kids and RSVP, my daughter knows I am here and is ok with it, son does not approve, but then again he is 18 and gorgeous and does not need to be here.So not sure where he fits in with the generation and stigma idea. Some of my family think I am crazy to try this but they are not in my situation. I guess "its horses for courses" or some such saying.Must say that the most enjoyable part of RSVP land is the blogs, some of the best people are here.
Hope some of the bloggers get to the Hyatt on Sunday for some pre christmas cheer.
Posted by: dolphin46 at December 3, 2007 11:53 AM
Wow....I just step out (mercy dash to my daughters school -re lost permission slip) and I had to re-sign in 11 times!!! and I didn't even count the first few - is this a record or what.
istj54 I will keep an eye out for any strange blog entries or maybe we can blame it on your daughter.
Speaking of which, my daughter is not allowed anywhere near my rsvp account, have heard too many stories on here about those little gremlin kids changing profiles, that's when you start getting the strange kisses and emails!
ps - I hope you feel better soon ;-)
Posted by: misswendyxx at December 3, 2007 10:58 AM
neuroticfish, love your new profile angle. My only complaint is the mention of the Lord. Unless you're playing the kind of SNAG who attends Christianised spiritualist churches, it's sort of out of place alongside the mention of your religion as New Age.
Here's something to paste for more success:
"I speak with a lateral lisp normally and an interdental lisp when doing my yoga headstand asanas. I believe spiritual practice takes precedence over material concerns, so if you're going to have a problem with me doing my headstands in the living room when guests are over and we're all watching my director's cut version of Lion King, please attune yourself with your fate and realise that I am not the soul for you. I believe in storing food inside pyramids with quartz crystals to ensure I get spiritual as well as physical nourishment, and my neighbours know me as the open and friendly guy who comes over to play with their pets every now and then. Speaking of which, I love animals, and I'm a dedicated activist for the cause of animal rights, so why not email me so we can soul-search over a vegetable salad and then go free Willy."
Posted by: onlinedatingexpert at December 3, 2007 10:37 AM
waterbombe, I've relocated to the First Impressions blog. Most of what I write has to do with first impressions, so I feel it's more on-topic there than here. ;-)
Posted by: onlinedatingexpert at December 3, 2007 10:19 AM
Home sick, misswendy! Didn't you get my note? Might get a report or two done at the same time as I am doing my other ten things. This multi-tasking could well be the reason most of my blogs don't make sense, and pixiemagic thinks I'm insane, or somehow lacking in the personality department..If you read a blog saying your child is beginning to....you'll know I've pressed the wrong button and who knows what that poor parent will be reading...my views on falling in love.
My daughter refused to go on rsvp a few months ago when she was single again. Said she was too shy, but she seems to enjoy going through profiles more than I do and has probably sent a whole lot more kisses out than I have. I have banned her as I kept getting no thanks from men I had never seen before, and worse, the occasional yes!
Posted by: istj54 at December 3, 2007 10:04 AM
Dolphin46 I actually suggested to RSVP to do a blog topic on the stigma of internet dating and whether or not it is a generational thing as young people are so computer savvy. Have you noticed on a lot of profiles (mostly the over 35s) seem to feel the need to have an excuse as to why they are on rsvp? Not so with the younger ones - these are a generation of kids who knew how to use a mouse before they could write. My daughter is off to high school next year and has already met half the year 7s through myspace without even meeting any in person - seems to be a way of life for these young kids and if you don't have a myspace you are "uncool".
istj54 glad to see somebody's keeping a track on whose blogging when.......speaking of which, according to my spreadsheet - Shouldn't you be at work?
Posted by: misswendyxx at December 3, 2007 9:48 AM
misswendy, I have a list...if I'd ever excelled at excel it would be easier to track...
Posted by: istj54 at December 3, 2007 9:39 AM
SSC about blogging at certain times and it is great to see you can multi-task and catch a few winks inbetween sign ins and I hope I am not being too forward but would it be okay if I send my ironing over to you?
As for me just incase anyone was tracking my log in times, I am more likely to blog in the evenings if I am working and at the moment I have time off work so I could be blogging at anytime.
Posted by: misswendyxx at December 3, 2007 9:08 AM
ODE
You were always writing as a woman.
It was just a question of who it was.
At least you've taken ownership of your problem.
No go seek help
Posted by: neuroticfish at December 3, 2007 8:34 AM
Hi dolphin46, you are spot on. I am on facebook and myspace, and noone makes any comment. But being on a dating site has raised a few eyebrows amongst family and friends. They are curious and concerned at the same time I think !! But at my age it is difficult to find compatible single males to socialise with, so like the rest of you, I am here !!
Posted by: jenjen57 at December 3, 2007 8:29 AM
Hi Dolphin46....do you where and what time the sydney get together will be!
Posted by: brilliantblue at December 3, 2007 8:25 AM
Hi junebaby and SS, think the problem is the "stigma" associated with dating sites. If we were on My Space we would be "cool" Different needs see us trying this method and this site. I agree junebaby our attached friends and family don't get how difficult it can be to find ourselves single in our prime.It depends on geography as well, south coast of NSW is lovely place to live but its very hard to meet many single males.
PS can you make it on Sunday the 9th?
Posted by: dolphin46 at December 3, 2007 8:17 AM
Sorry SS...I'm not sure which blog it was....but certainly wasn't intended to upset anyone!
Really like your attitude to life!
Posted by: brilliantblue at December 3, 2007 8:10 AM
istj54...jenjen57 said to me dont i ever sleep. yep i multitask while pages load. Fold washing check mail. Yes we have lives...just i have been only on on system a few nights at 2pm but it dont let some people on. Yes multitasking and imanenigma can do it too, but someone says he is actually a woman? Ok. Oh I don't think any of you are sad with no lives. My one concern is istj54 of people with multiple profiles, how do they keep up? The vitriol of some concerns me on here sometimes. But its mostly good I agree.
1. Love happens
2. What does love hope? Love hopes all things and believes all things if you follow 1Corinthians 13. Believing the best????
3. I am not sure if I have learn enough to not repeat same mistakes. I aim to learn and improve? Have no idea if reading Deepak Chopra, Scott Peck and so on help me to change. No idea if it helps.
4. That intoxication? Nope cant really remember it and the online friendship I have is not a real relationship until we meet. I don't want to have just that intoxication, caring and being there. something that goes further than the so-called holiday period. relationships mostly ebb and flow dont they, or wax and wane like the moon maybe. No idea.
ljst54 if i knew these answers I would possibly not be on my computer now! Have a good day everyone. oh and the tears over one of bbs posts was a while ago.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at December 3, 2007 8:01 AM
I agree istj54, I blog early or late as I work long days ( am a Project Manager), weekends is whenever I have the time.
In general, to those who think people on the blogs are desperate with no lives, we are all here because, for me, I have found I can talk to people in a similar situation to mine.
Single at an older age than what is at the night clubs, with a busy job, a house and kids. My girlfriends are attached and do not do online dating, or go out to pick up (figure of speech) so they do not understand it, while they are intertested in the many guys I meet!!
I have found a group of people on the blogs who do understand and have simliar experiences, I am making friends with some male and female bloggers, outside the blogs, which is a wonderful and unexpected side product of RSVP that I did not expect.
For those who think we are all desperate with no lives....try the blogs, meet some people for both friendship and dating, and then see what you think.
Have a lovely day...jewels
Posted by: junebaby57 at December 3, 2007 7:55 AM
SS, I think most of us here do have busy lives and if you observe there seems to be set of people blogging at certain hours each day...an early morning, then mornin etc, with some returning or comin gon at night. I know that I am usually out and about a lot on weekends and work nine hour days...When I am blogging it is part of multi-tasking. I am also doing about ten other things.....I'm just saying this because you get negative people hopping on to infer that are bloggers are just sad cases with no lives. this is not the case and it is usually a positive passtime......
On topic Q1: You don't actually let yourself fall in love. It just happens regardless......
Q2: I don't understand what the hopes of love are, so can't respond unril someone lets me in on it.
Q3: Yes, we learn many things as we get older.....but does it help..hmmm.
Q4: As soon as I feel that intoxication, don't know if it's hope and fear, I am gone.
But will it last? Not often enough.
Posted by: istj54 at December 3, 2007 6:59 AM
something BB wrote made me weep. see i read and weep...it is my hobby. I also laugh, its ok..i am dealing with it. Negative emotions pass if you are lucky and life goes on. Onward and upward. You just pick your self up and keep trying. nite.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at December 3, 2007 12:59 AM
secretk, i had to go out yesterday, and today...i go out of the house you know. yay i did not go on the blog till just before
u dont want it to take over your life you know..........he he
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at December 3, 2007 12:57 AM
abckenny the rsvp kiss i sent was a platonic hi there cos your photo was in my side panel thing. was just saying hi. silly rsvp says i am not signed in when i am so could not post it. sure u would realise if u have followed the blogs as I think u do...its hard to read allllllllllllllll the lines. so i have missed some stuff. computer is sooo slow.
secretk i can not reply to a kiss if you put profile hidden but yes i share your taste in music. he he. my computer is too slow for msn and i just cant chat for a few days, we have a time zone diff and i waste so much time on cutting and pasting and reposting blogs.
that is why they grow
cos i have tried for ages
what time do you usually blog?
i may try the morning but you know sometimes the system dont let me on
oh and best of luck with the date
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at December 3, 2007 12:54 AM
SLS hi, yes i agree of course..."Oh it just happened" yes but to stay on topic sizzling newagesnag why dont we try to speak about "do you fall in love easily"
well the answer is obvious to me, speaking for myself, no or I would not be on RSVP. others are different. we all know the difference between lust and love. Love is when you stay if the partner is ill, tired, and any other kind of not ideal scenarios. We all know this surely. infatuation is not love, crushes are not blah blah. People should just not put up massive barriers. cheers
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at December 3, 2007 12:48 AM
mm..."do we learn to be careful but still feel the intoxication of hope and fear?"..omg yes!
How's this for being careful..I have dated somone from rsvp for two months now and have come to the conclusion I don;t wnat to date others.Trouble is that the subject of profile suspension has not come up.
I have decided to suspend mine as of tonight and will be interested to see if he follows my cue.What would others do in my situation?
Posted by: romanceme4ever at December 2, 2007 11:30 PM
ODE to ODE
where are you ODE, I hope you are not having some time off? Come back and lighten our boring small lives.... and give the XYs some more tips so that us XXs will know where the next move is coming from... I need to keep up-to-date.
Posted by: waterbombe at December 2, 2007 10:44 PM
Brilliantblue.
I love the helicopter story you posted a couple of days ago.
Just lovely and so real, genuinely.
cheers
Posted by: today122 at December 2, 2007 11:01 AM
Morning slightsynchronicity, sorry to have missed you yesterday. Would love to chat. Let me know when you are on and we will see what we can work out.
Morning Brane.
Yes I was up late the other night talking to a lovely bloke. Hmmmm.
Posted by: secretk at December 2, 2007 7:43 AM
Dear SS
I’m not an expert, unlike the 16yo ODE, oh to be fresh out of diapers.
But I would have thought that the general pattern is that the guilty party will deny infidelity if he/she feels that the evidence against him or her in insufficiently strong, or they can get away with it.
Happens every day in a court of law. Sit through some cases where everyone is lying furiously. The poor old judge has to take a punt that there might be a modicum of truth in the sea of lies. That is why lawyers prepare cases by looking for evidence which nails their opponent to the wall and allows of no escape route.
When the evidence is irrefutable, you then get the excusatory or exculpatory conduct “It just happened.” Or “She threw herself at me” (which is a good one if it’s been going on for months or years as most have).
Then the aggrieved party will start up and never shut up, which is when lame duck rubbish like “I love you but am not in love with you” kicks in. And it is rubbish.
It takes proper redress and appropriate behavioural changes to overcome infidelity- things like complete severance of contact with the “lover” (the guilty calls the 3rd party a “lover” the aggrieved starts calling her a “slut” a “shag” etc), reporting movements minutely to the aggrieved party, big effort to restore trust again because it was trust that was breached, and often proper counselling.
And don’t forget, proper counsellors. Not pop psychologists, friends etc.
Relationships Australia and so on
Posted by: superlittlesnag at December 2, 2007 4:20 AM
SLS yep even when I found a note in his pocket saying "Leanne the Legend" he was in denial...ditto the perfume..not until the letter from her which spelt it out. Ha. But you have to move on.
Honesty is of course best and to stay on topic, this sort of betrayal occurring stops some people from falling in love easily. Hopefully we will learn either from things we did not do well or from how someone else treats us...not to do the same thing to others. today122 being honest and responsible is a good way to go into a relationship. Love is a risk but more than just a feeling, I think. Hope to learn about how men tick from this blog.goodnight.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at December 2, 2007 2:08 AM
hi
Um - maybe I'm old fashioned, but a novel idea may be just honesty and taking responsibility?
Just a thought!!
Or are we all beyond that?
Any sort of betrayal - tarting around, violence, verbal abuse, is always justified by the scummy one, which of course only makes them appear even scummier and less worthy of your trust.
The sad thing is that they don't even get any of this.
Posted by: today122 at December 1, 2007 9:44 PM
Is this how you operate, sls?
Posted by: istj54 at December 1, 2007 5:21 PM
Yes, but they have to get caught with their pants down first.
Anything less and it’s more likely to be “you’re imagining things”
Eg catch them with telephone records which record 500 phone calls to one male/female and they will filibuster. “you’re just imagining things” and switch to unrecorded prepaid mobiles and continue on their merry unfaithful way.
Send a PI round and catch them naked in bed, only then do you get the “It just happened.” Which is the red handed one.
The “I love you but am not in love with you” is several weeks down the track when no attempt has been made to redress the wrong eg. Counselling, complete separation from the “lover” (I say “lover” cautiously- some are just straight out shags), remorse, restoration of trust and impeccable behaviour thereafter.
Need I go on
Posted by: superlittlesnag at December 1, 2007 2:24 PM
whatididforlove
I agree with your take on the unfaithful partners "I love you , I am just not in love with you". My emtionally abusive ex used this on me to excuse his affair with 2 of my supposed friends- no not at the same time-lol. I think they also like the thrill of the initial lust/in love feeling. The work involved in keeping an existing relationship happy is often too much for them.
karenchocolat
Posted by: karenchocolat at December 1, 2007 2:06 PM
True Confessions Snag? No,,,but I recall in family lore that was the name of a magazine read by my aunty Dee which(according to my mother) sowed the seeds at an early age for the disgraceful life she was to lead in later years having had about 5 husbands and innumerable affairs as we speak.....
Look further down at the post by abckenny about being in love with two people.
My post was meant as comfort to him.
When you have been cheated on your self esteem is low and in the face of the confusion, and having a life and personal reality turned upside down, it is common to believe that all the garbage the cheaters throw out at you to justify themselves is true.
Posted by: whatididforlove at December 1, 2007 2:03 PM
What I Did For Love
Read your post please.
On its face, you are saying that you are married/ in a relationship, intend to cheat and/or continue cheating, and will continue to use the excuse ‘(I know I'll say) "I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore"
As it stands it is the confession of someone who is cheating and will continue to cheat. Was this intended?
Posted by: superlittlesnag at December 1, 2007 1:38 PM
Hey Brane...
Put your profile up...can't send you an email without it... :)
Posted by: miserableoldcow at December 1, 2007 1:33 PM
abckenny the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" line is a classic that is used the world over by cheaters.
It makes them feel better to say it, helps them to justify what they are doing, and eases the burden of guilt from their minds. It goes hand in hand with "It just happened and I couldn't help it"
It absolves them of responsibility for their actions in their minds and appears to be a socially accepted notion(except to those who have had the misfortune of being on the receiving end)
What they really mean is " Oh god, I have been found out, I had better say something to keep my options open in case things don't work out with the infidelity partner and I still need a home and partner. I had better say something to make my loyal and faithful partner believe it is all their fault that I have cheated on them..make them believe they were not good enough and lacking and therefore deserved this to happen. I know I'll say "I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore" That way my weakness and disrespect for my marriage/relationship will not seem so bad and quite justified especially when everything is revealed to children relations and friends
Posted by: whatididforlove at December 1, 2007 1:23 PM
hi all.
back to the original blog topic?
I had a dear person say to me "you don't need to guard your heart with me", after he had picked up on my obvious raw state, and professed his undying whatever. So my guard was non-existent, and guess what??
Just listen to your instincts, know and value yourself well enough to know what's right for you and you only.
Committment before compability? Needing to believe that we're in love? All a bit tragic really.
Also some people seem to need the adrenalin rush of infatuation, the butterflies and heart pumping to feel alive. Addiction? All it does is turn you into a sick puppy, and really incapable of turning this into real life stuff, and continually looking for the rush. And what of the other person? It's not about them sadly.
So beware my lovelies.
Posted by: today122 at December 1, 2007 9:01 AM
Good Morning
Alas Waterbombe , the blonde was real. She said the only dumb blondes were brunettes which I thought a hilarious paradox.
Wendyxx, yes they vanished and I know why.
Morning secretk, perhaps you’ve had a late night as you're not online as usual.
Sorry ss , my profile is hidden atm. I had a hangover from a night of free food and drink at an Irish pub.
A top of the morning to you all
Posted by: brane at December 1, 2007 8:54 AM
ijst54 hi sorry I did not read that you had written about separate accommodation as am too tired to read down. I agree anyway. Or relationships where one or both are away a lot, which is not what I hope for. However a friend has her man overseas in the army and it seems to suit them. they both have lots of space and an intense close time when they reunite. I just never did meet a guy from an oil rig or whatever. As an idea, seperate accommodation seems good.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at December 1, 2007 2:00 AM
Hi everyone, suggesting to go out when possible was a suggestion to everyone...as Bob mentioned somewhere on here I think.
Imanenigma, I have a few people from the past I "loved" in my limited way who I will never forget and have a place in my heart. But I would not be with them if their circumstances changed. Do people we truly love remain in our heart? I can not be romantically involved with more than one person. Because of computer slowness I can not comment on here when I like most of the time and I have had huge log in problems lately.
Bob, I think and I hope that if I met someone who has to retain some independence that I would welcome it. Seriously I have thought that a good relationship for me could be with him having his own place. I would consider having a relationship with someone who did not live with me all the time. I met a friend of a friend who did that and he and his partner were very happy and did that for 10 years. I love my own space and Independence and it would be very hard to give up. In relationship often someone is clingy I suppose none of us want that. But in a relationship it we put the other first, then we will give them the space they need. Do you think trust comes into it? Some people get jealous of their partners contacts they have though activities outside the home. Cheers everyone and goodnight from me.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at December 1, 2007 1:47 AM
secretk hi, computer slowness, log in failures and havent been home. Have sent a not weird RSVP kiss to you and tried to find brane but could not get the profile. The kiss was to say that I "share your love for the written word." Perhaps our list discussion could continue later as it will probably irritate those who have more sensible things to occupy their thoughts. As someone going through a bit of emotional pain now, humour and other things does help. I find some poems uplifting or if it reflects your situation it can help you feel you are not alone. someone has my MSN on here. Did you have a migraine brane?
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at December 1, 2007 1:25 AM
Auntykaz I have to wholeheartedly agree.Having been on that horrendous rollercoaster for the last 8 months of a 27 year marriage I can tell you it was a very painful and confusing time for all concerned.I don't believe that you can be in love with two people at the same time but my ex insisted that she was.Obviously she still held me dearly but was no longer in love with me.
Kenny
Posted by: abckenny at December 1, 2007 1:09 AM
Personally l don't see how you can have a "romantic" love with more than one person at a time on an emotional level.....l know it would be impossible for me. l can't imagine the confusion, the emotional roller coaster would be horrendous.
I have enough trouble keeping up with myself! ..............K
Posted by: auntykaz at December 1, 2007 12:16 AM
@ misswendyxxx- I believe it may have something to do with some of my previous outspoken ways! (no worse than any others,mind) anyway, all fixed now. P.S give you a tip,a lot of non-topic nasty stuff is being zapped by RSVP and I say good on em!!! its not a chatroom for private bitch sessions. Its a blog with a topic for discussion. So lets all not hog or clog the blog with other...............stuff!....Question- if you have loved someone and still hold them dearly(still love them?)but have no contact at all, is it possible to fall in love with someone else? Can we love two people, or as one love grows, does the other fade??Any thoughts on this folks?......IMANENIGMA
Posted by: imanenigma at November 30, 2007 11:51 PM
Welcome back Waterbombe.
istj54 if you must come back with a (dare I say it) "poem" then the courteous thing to do would be to give me an hours notice so I can make sure I have my wine goggles on.
Brane I think we were a little naughty this morning....did you notice our blogs have disappeared into cyberspace.
imanenigma - It took me 4 days to become a trusted member and I have been blogging til my hearts content ever since, what's with all these people waiting months? I think it might be one of those things where you can't wait too long between drinks......so keep blogging.
Posted by: misswendyxx at November 30, 2007 10:07 PM
but waterbombe that aint fair. I am blonde and never been near a bottle.
Posted by: whatcomesnext at November 30, 2007 9:37 PM
Hey all, I'm back after a few days away. Now, c'mon brane, almost every blonde is artificial, according to my hairdresser, so shouldn't your saying go more along these lines:
"bonded to a bottle blonde and blinded" ?
hmmmm....and if you were both drunk...
"bonded to a bottled blonde
and blind"....
I could go on. But I should stop.
Posted by: waterbombe at November 30, 2007 9:28 PM
istj54, I kept that post by that wise old man, as it struck a chord with me....."What dating guru responded to me with on 20/11/2007 actually made a lot of sense!!!
Keep your independence. You've fought hard for it and treasure it.
What people fail to realise is that these days, there are a lot of variable permutations as to what makes a relationship work.
At age 19, it was every Friday and Saturday night, on a sort of let's get stuck in this routine because that is what society expects of going steady or whatever it was called,
It annoys me when I see statements here to the effect: I want a lover, a friend, a playmate, an activity partner...etc and I would like them all rolled up into one person.
NO! This is the 21st century. You are stuck in a time warp.
One person or a group of person can make up your friends; one can constitute a lover (the modern trend is towards monogamy and away from sleeping with everyone in sight, mostly because of the stds, but note, those who claim to practice "serial monogamy" certainly seem to treat the "serial" bit as equivalent to firing a machine gun; others can be activity partners; others share certain interests that you have developed and have no intention of sacrificing on the altar of compromise."
It actually made heaps os sense and is relevant for dating in todays reality.
Have a lovely eveneing all....jewels
Posted by: junebaby57 at November 30, 2007 9:13 PM
@istj54- yes that is so true! That is one of the great things about being single.....who's around the corner?.....the possibilities are endless.......I have learnt to love my single status and my freedom,as a wise blogger once said and its so true "better to be single, than wish you were!" having said that , im off to meet a lady now.......IMANENIGMA
Posted by: imanenigma at November 30, 2007 8:43 PM
It's all about falling in love too easily, IMANENIGMA.....I think it can depend very much on the situation, and where you are in your life, and in your mind when you meet someone..you might just be ready for some love and in you fall...deep into the abyss....I mean bliss.
Posted by: istj54 at November 30, 2007 8:26 PM
Ahh....trusted status at last!!!...now I have the same freedom of speech as the "veterans" even though I have been blogging/commenting since late july/early august!!! and have always only had ONE visible profile. I have assured RSVP I will behave and stay on topic like everyone else does........mmmmm? as for my thoughts on the subject......scroll back a few days, past the other comments on ............stuff?...IMANENIGMA
Posted by: imanenigma at November 30, 2007 8:16 PM
Thank you, kind sir.....did you say it before?
Posted by: istj54 at November 30, 2007 8:15 PM
Firstly, we are always the one we were and are now.
Yes, we can learn things that take away freedom to attract love and fall in love.
Yes, we can change the above, and feel the joy of falling in love with no conditions and we can be man or woman.
I would like to meet more who can just go with the heart and let what is meant to be...be.
Posted by: greeneyesforyou at November 30, 2007 8:12 PM
when the sun goes down.......just avoid the phantoms of your past, those that haunt you in your nightmares, put aside your past..
I'll say again, you are a wonderful person
Posted by: superlittlesnag at November 30, 2007 8:05 PM
and where are you when the sun goes down.....
Does distance matter?
I think I remember a blog about that...doesn't matter to Wraecca and Brushkestrel, or Funlovertoo and Amuso...
A wise old man wrote an excellent blog once about having different people and relationships in our lives to serve different purposes...you don't get everything, or shouldn't expect it, from just one person....I think that post was deleted..wasn't it babe? I agree with this philosophy and live by it myself. I get all sorts of different things from all sorts of different people...and will continue to do so...distance is nothing if a person makes you smile!
Posted by: istj54 at November 30, 2007 7:53 PM
You can call me anything, babe...
just a bit creepy!
Posted by: istj54 at November 30, 2007 7:25 PM
You don't mind if I call you Babydoll do you.
I mean, you are one cute and wonderful baby doll.
Hope that doesn't sound too creepy.
Posted by: superlittlesnag at November 30, 2007 7:13 PM
ISTJ54 My last boyfriend called me Babydoll all the time...I think he'd forgotten my name.Can you blame him?Seems you have a few different ones lately
Posted by: abckenny at November 30, 2007 6:50 PM
The creepy thing was he was in a band and I downloaded some of his stuff and one of the songs begins with him saying, "This one's for you, Babydoll"...but this was recorded in the seventies or early eighties...creepy!
Posted by: istj54 at November 30, 2007 6:33 PM
Babydoll suits you
Posted by: superlittlesnag at November 30, 2007 6:20 PM
Good Evening
I've been out and about doing stuff, u know life v2.0. I did love Red Dwarf's Better than Life though
blonded is a pun = bonded to a blonde
and blinded
not a faux pas , just a statement of fact. I expect every blonde here
to shower me with vitriol for saying it but I don't mind
I'm going out to check on the BBQ trout my brother-in-law is cooking
Have a Good Evening, especially the brisbane bloggers
Posted by: brane at November 30, 2007 6:05 PM
My last boyfriend called me Babydoll all the time...I think he'd forgotten my name.
Posted by: istj54 at November 30, 2007 6:02 PM
SLS, You make me smile..n that's a good thing!
Posted by: istj54 at November 30, 2007 5:31 PM
Very quiet, Misswendy. I have been quietly and sadly destroying all my lyrics from the sad old lady's got the blues site...but I may come back with some poetry for you when inspiration kicks in..
Brane, Blonded? Is that a faux pas..
Woodnwine, I can't remember Babydoll, but I am sure we are good friends.
Alphabetaphi, would you like to be hon?..My son is using that computer excuse so as not to have to put any money into my account...I may just have to Yum tomorrow with no Cha......I know it's the truth when you speak about what young people are doing at those concerts, pubs, raves..whatever...and it is a worry. My kids have always been pretty open and honest with me and tell me what happens..I've been through the bong in the backyard stage too..My latest offspring worry was when my son called me shytefaced in a field in Ibitha about two months ago..I'm sure there should be a sh**faced in a field hotline for the young of this world...He claims he's going back every year now and we all know what for. Some people just like to live with their heads in the sand...got to come up for air sometime.
Posted by: istj54 at November 30, 2007 5:07 PM
Goodness me the blogs are quiet this afternoon.........are you out there Brane?????
ilovedaffodils welcome to the blogs.
Theres a little gem of a saying about forgiveness or forgetting......time heals all wounds......and then there is time wounds all heels.
Posted by: misswendyxx at November 30, 2007 3:52 PM
istj , you are confusing me with someone else. I was still blonded in Sept
Posted by: brane at November 30, 2007 10:57 AM
Wendyxx get 8mbps with ADSL1 , if you are too far from exchange you might only achieve 5 but it still rocks
Posted by: brane at November 30, 2007 10:56 AM
istj54 - who mentioned Sally Fields? Wasn't it babydolll1? Maybe you know her?
Posted by: woodnwine at November 30, 2007 10:45 AM
it is easy to fall inlove , soo hard to fall out of it but the big thing is forgiving the person that broke your heart, i seem to find a problem with that, will forgiveness ever come i sometimes wonder??
Posted by: ilovedaffodils at November 30, 2007 9:33 AM
AlphaBetaPhi: Youre going to an Offspring concert? Funny, I thought they were in Brisbane in late Feb next year, rather than tonight...
Posted by: brushkestrel at November 30, 2007 9:22 AM
Yes Mushie6 we do learn as we get older. We are more confident in what we want and don't want, which makes us become a lot choosier and therefore we are still looking...looking.......
Posted by: misswendyxx at November 30, 2007 8:56 AM
Thanks Ellida for your assistance in facilitating my 'approval' at last after months of waiting. Somebody does listen in there at RSVP.
Posted by: mushie6 at November 30, 2007 8:55 AM
LMAO @ wendyxx , Yes
Posted by: brane at November 30, 2007 8:52 AM
Do we learn anything as we get older? Yes I have learned heaps, forgotten more, and still looking.. sigh
Posted by: mushie6 at November 30, 2007 8:49 AM
Of all the preposterous assumptions of humanity over humanity, nothing exceeds most of the criticisms made on the habits of the poor by the well-housed, well- warmed, and well-fed.
- Herman Melville
You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a firefly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
- Fred Allen
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
- Woody Allen
Posted by: brane at November 30, 2007 8:48 AM
Yes BB great jokes.
Posted by: misswendyxx at November 30, 2007 8:44 AM
istj54 that is right, all songs are now moderated. Your submission of Kris Kristofferson was deemed offensive and therefore not in line with the terms and conditions. All submissions of song lyrics will now be required to seek prior approval from myself. Have a great day - The complaints dept.
Posted by: misswendyxx at November 30, 2007 8:43 AM
love the jokes brilliantblue!
Posted by: mushie6 at November 30, 2007 8:42 AM
Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall.
They weren't able to designate a person, until the woman gave a very touching speech.
She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, or for men in general, and she was used to always making sacrifices, with little in return.
As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping.
Posted by: brilliantblue at November 30, 2007 8:18 AM
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be So stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you"
Posted by: brilliantblue at November 30, 2007 8:16 AM
Hi Jewels....with 3 boys I made sure we had unlimited downloads!
Posted by: brilliantblue at November 30, 2007 8:04 AM
re the slow down computer, my son is doing that to me each month now, and we have a 20gig plan!!!!! He down loads heaps of movies and shows and games, which uses all my bandwidth up!
So we are on slow now till the 4th, when we kick into the new month...it is such a pain. I am in an area where I can't get ADSL2...bugger.
Posted by: junebaby57 at November 30, 2007 7:56 AM
Cat ain’t got my tongue, sweetie.
My computer has been slowed to 2 kb a sec or something till month’s end.
Which is faster than my love life at the moment, which has taken some giant strides backwards, and I certainly am not “on top of you” either in the blogs or anywhere else for that matter.
I am merely contemplating the great “fun” the Association of United Conspiracy Theorists are planning for themselves tonight, whilst I’ll be out at some concert making sure their offspring behave.
Posted by: alphabetaphi at November 30, 2007 7:49 AM
Cat got your tongue?
If you are mindlessly bored today, while I'm out effecting the country's future...checkout the Dating over 40 blog...Sept 14th 3.44pm...I am actually the first authenticated blogger. You are on top of me chatting to Rocco about Noosa....don't know what that means for out future!
That's right Brane, I've been around a lot longer than you, but you knew that.
Posted by: istj54 at November 30, 2007 7:18 AM
Thanks for the inspiration, Brane..I'll get back to you all later...thinking, thinking...berroca, soccer, focker, mocker, locker....hmmmm.
Oh what a night, late December...
Posted by: istj54 at November 30, 2007 7:06 AM
In there beginning there was darkness
Then there was light
Then there was pain
Then there was berocca,codeine and tea
Then there was less pain
Then there was recollection
What a night
Posted by: brane at November 30, 2007 6:56 AM
Well if it ain’t the great love of my life
Posted by: alphabetaphi at November 30, 2007 6:55 AM
No one wants poems or songs anymore. Didn't you read the complaints section?
Posted by: istj54 at November 30, 2007 6:28 AM
Hi Malsy
You've given me the palsy
Now I'm climbing the wallsy
Down the hallsy
Posted by: alphabetaphi at November 30, 2007 12:20 AM
wraecca: Aaaaahhhhh...that is what love is all about....
My best friend is also my former partner...You can say "Hi" to him tomorrow night, too!
Posted by: hiddencharms at November 29, 2007 9:55 PM
Oh and just so you all know, I've only ever been in love this way twice in my life. The first time, we were best friends and I loved him until the day that he broke my heart and split up with me. We are still friends, we just aren't romantically linked anymore (and it took a while to get over him, too).
Posted by: wraecca at November 29, 2007 9:10 PM
@ hiddencharms & brilliantblue....on passionate and spontaneous behavior...anytime is the right time,girls..........keep the fires burning......life without passion, no thanks.......and sadly for some of us singles....we can almost "drown" in our own passion with no love to share it with.......however, this may be the lesson taught to us to appreciate "true love" more should we be fortunate enough to experience it once again......I look forward to the day with a smile on my face....and a song in my heart (oh, please!!, sorry that just slipped out!!)........a word to those who have been hurt with love before.... be careful the walls we build to protect ourselves from future hurt, dont become "prison" walls, isolating us from the love we so desire.......PASSION FIRST!!!... the dishes can wait!!....IMANENIGMA
Posted by: imanenigma at November 29, 2007 9:09 PM
SeraphSuzie, in regards to your post where you said "I want to know how you know that you have fallen in love.. and I don't mean that first lust rush.. but the realisation that you know that you cannot be without that person ever..."
When I fall in love, that mad, head-over-heels, breathtaking, butterfly-in-my-tummy kind of love, there are several indicators. One is, of course, the whole butterfly-in-your-tummy feeling whenever you think of that person. Another is when you envisage the future, they are in it and if you try and think about a future without them, it feels like your heart has just been ripped out of your chest. Another one is when you get some exciting/happy/sad/upsetting news, the first person you think about telling is that special someone.
However, the last way in which you may be able to tell (and I know this from experience) is when you are talking to this person, trust them with your private thoughts, your past, your secrets and your heart, then they say something (unintentionally) which makes the bottom of your world drop out. You can feel your heart breaking and there is nothing you can do, because that person has not been mean or nasty, but have said something that was meant in a different way than you interpreted it and they don't even realise the impact of their comment on you. Especially if it's a mis-communication. All you know is that it feels as though you've been sucker-punched in the gut, then had your heart twisted until you can't bear it anymore, but still do. That is how you know that you can't be without that person.
Oh, BK, you didn't actually offend me with what you said. It was more like what I've described above. But at least it has a happy ending, right? :D
Posted by: wraecca at November 29, 2007 9:06 PM
...and the afternoon...and the evening...
Posted by: hiddencharms at November 29, 2007 8:41 PM
Sounds good to me Hiddenscharms....the best way to start the day!
Posted by: brilliantblue at November 29, 2007 8:29 PM
seraphsuzie.
you don't know what you got till it's gone
true but painful.
What happens is that you get used to a person and then you take them for granted and then when they decide to leave you realise how much you want them,but having said that if a partner pulls the stunt of leaving and not leaving to get your attention then eventually you get sick of it and start to put up barriers just in case it does happen and then love goes.
My opinion is to put everything you have got into the relationship you have.
If you can't or don't want to do that then maybe you need to sit back and look at yourself and what you really feel for the person.Just my opinion.
Love the one your with.
Posted by: thefotografer at November 29, 2007 7:43 PM
It's OK woodnwine. I'll be there. I'm up, not so much about, but still alive and kicking...
Posted by: hiddencharms at November 29, 2007 7:19 PM
Passionate and spontaneous...and in the morning...what a way to start the day...!!!
Posted by: hiddencharms at November 29, 2007 7:17 PM
SeraphSuzie:
Re: your post where you said:
"I want to know how you know that you have fallen in love.. and I don't mean that first lust rush.. but the realisation that you know that you cannot be without that person ever..."
I find it sneaks up on me when I'm not looking. I don't see it approaching, but I do know when it's here. I can define it two ways.
The way I like to think about it is a gradual realisation. The kind where it dawns on you that every time you think of anything, the other person is there in your head. When you realise that you now natively think in terms of *we* rather than *I*.
I've found there is also another way to see it as well. A sudden way. Unfortunately, this way means you get hurt. It's a raw, painful hurt, too. One that doesn't go away. When it hurts that much that you said something that they took the wrong way. Said something that although it wasn't intended to, offended them.
Wraecca knows what I mean with the last one...
Posted by: brushkestrel at November 29, 2007 6:46 PM
right on BB,
Without passion chemistry wont get any further
Posted by: ilovedaffodils at November 29, 2007 6:24 PM
Whoever brought up the passion bit this morning...absolutely agree, I like a man to be passionate and spontaneous!
Posted by: brilliantblue at November 29, 2007 5:55 PM
So you agree, Brane? I do look a bit like Sally Fields.
Posted by: istj54 at November 29, 2007 5:40 PM
Hi Brane...its a pity I can't make it tonight would have been fun, having quite a few people over tomorrow night for early birthday/christmas drinks so got to clean up a bit around here then go drink and food shopping!
Posted by: brilliantblue at November 29, 2007 5:22 PM
Yes, sybil, I remember they day you became istj54, luckily you're stuck , cause the wind has changed, Its best to move like the ocean and stand tall as a rock. I did give u the benefit. BB was right. Enjoy that dark red
Posted by: brane at November 29, 2007 5:07 PM
Notgodsgift...I think I understand what you are getting at or to...At the start of most relationships everyone is on their best behaviour and may see more of the person than they actually mean to later on....when suddenly all their other commitments factor in again...This can cause problems..I think it is best to start out as you mean to continue, then no one is dismayed when the other wants their time-out. You decide early if this is enough time for you or search for someone else more compatible time wise.
Many of the longest lasting relationships have people living in separate accommodation.
Personally, I don't think Woodnwine is as nice as you think he is. He has another side that sometimes comes out to play...a dark side...the inner alpha.
I'm sounding a bit tipsy here so I might as well go and find an amusing little drop of something.......red.
I can pretend that I'm at the next table listening in to your "discussion" with the guys....so don't mind me, keep talking.
By the way, I am istj, aries, bozo,rat or snake(?) whatever, a clown....
Posted by: istj54 at November 29, 2007 5:01 PM
Hiddencharms - hope you are on the mend and getting ready for the bloggers dinner in Brisbane. Miserableoldcow, hope you are all set for a good night. Is anyone else interested in joining us, I think we currently have about 8 or 9 starters. Go on, you know you want to come so support RSVP and spend a stamp.
Posted by: woodnwine at November 29, 2007 4:50 PM
I talk to myself on Thursdays......It was a very ugly incident that took some time to defuse...lacking the usual alphamale who works nearby....who usually just looks at me in times of distress and says, "Get over it..."
Posted by: istj54 at November 29, 2007 4:50 PM
alphabetsoup - maybe you need to develop a more direct approach or you could be going round in circles for years and you wouldn't want that would you?
Posted by: woodnwine at November 29, 2007 4:47 PM
istj54
They were there today...n all went well, till the spider incident..
do you always talk to yourself on wednesdays?
Posted by: thefotografer at November 29, 2007 4:43 PM
Oh jenn!! make my day :)
You bad girl
Posted by: thefotografer at November 29, 2007 4:36 PM
They were there today...n all went well, till the spider incident....I don't work on Wednesdays...if that is of interest to anyone..it is to me....let's talk...I'm here for true lurv too.
Posted by: istj54 at November 29, 2007 4:28 PM
LOL, Oh , Yes, I'm sure. Let us define true then, or perhaps you mean true lust
Posted by: brane at November 29, 2007 4:11 PM
I am here for true love.
Posted by: alphabetaphi at November 29, 2007 3:45 PM
Then alphabeti,
Why are you here. As a friend of mine said many , many years ago,"It's the hunt I can't handle, Its a lot easier to go out and buy a killing"
Posted by: brane at November 29, 2007 3:16 PM
Brane dearest.
Some of us may not want to vent and feel and touchy touchy.
Only interested in getting the nicolodeons off in the quickest possible time
Posted by: alphabetaphi at November 29, 2007 3:07 PM
Surely alphabetaphi
You are relying on an old stereotype in this Brave New World. The alpha males these days are the ones with the looks ,money, intelligence and perception to achieve what they want. Status in our society is a complex thing and oversimplification clouds the issue. There's no shortage of deltas like you talk about.
Posted by: brane at November 29, 2007 2:49 PM
Mr Speaker,
I direct the Member for Wide Bay to a passage in Hansard for 1 Sept 2007 wherein the honourable member did say:
“cynical and anonymous..please don't speak those words on my behalf...I am cringing with embarrassment” “
I ask the Member for Wide Bay, has she blogged under names, inter alia, such as Cynical and Anonymous and What I Did For Love.
Cross referencing my dear is an engrained habit. And you were addressing WnW at the time, not me.
Posted by: alphabetaphi at November 29, 2007 2:36 PM
Outamycomfortzone Hi ,
In reference to your post, and i quote "So my question is ... Can you fall out of love as easy as we fall in love ?" Can we make our selfs fall in love with somebody? a good question at that too might i add.
the word LOVE is quite a big word and alot of times is carelessly thrown about ,taken for granted and in the cases of lust be mistaken for love...
NO..i do not think it is easy to fall out of love as it is to fall inlove, especially in a case where it is actually love! but it may differ in each circumstances given how strong the love is.
One can not make another fall inlove with them, a person has to feel something towards someone in order to proceed a little further with this game we call love.
just my two cents worth. :-)
Posted by: ilovedaffodils at November 29, 2007 2:28 PM
outamycomfortzone: for me, falling in love isn't easy, its scary and wonderful but not easy. but falling out is sooo hard, the worst feeling of all and being on the receiving end is ... well ... i guess most of us have been there
Posted by: secretk at November 29, 2007 2:21 PM
There is always a line in the sand , once that is crossed its either the beginning of the end or the end of the beginning, it depends on the balance between independence and interdependence.
Posted by: brane at November 29, 2007 2:10 PM
That would be right now it lets me sign in and go through ..DO you fall in love to easily .. We all have lessons to learn in life so every time we think we fall in love we are learning our latest lesson. So my question is ... Can you fall out of love as easy as we fall in love ? Can we make our selfs fall in love with somebody? A friend told me there is a fine line between love and hate .Is that like a fine line between pleasure and pain..
Posted by: outamycomfortzone at November 29, 2007 1:54 PM
Would love to say something about this but 3 times already i cant remember the words ....
Posted by: outamycomfortzone at November 29, 2007 1:47 PM
Jovial67---I looked at your profile and just fell in love with you!
"Because you're gorgeous....."
Unfortunately for me not the right age group.
Thanks for your comment .
Posted by: whatididforlove at November 29, 2007 1:45 PM
Alphabetaphi yes, I remember that post..it was the one where I also said
to you
"What a sad empty life you must lead to have to try to continually guess the identity of bloggers and try to see if they match previous bloggers, and then point out any similarities. Your purpose for that? "
You have just confirmed my opinion but now you are plain creepy. I wonder what about my posts has disturbed you to the extent that you would take the time to cross reference my postings on an anonymous blog site?
Yes I did say those words but what is your point? Everything I wrote is true.
Posted by: whatididforlove at November 29, 2007 1:39 PM
But remember too, hell hath no fury.
Posted by: brane at November 29, 2007 1:38 PM
Yes, them are wise words woodnwine. I shall be slipping down to that Irish Pub's Birthday tonight, but distance precludes most of us joining in a deep and meaningful discussion of where we went wrong and how we would do it better next time. Selection is the key I think. As that movie said, "Choose wisely", and sometime the obvious choice is never the wisest.
Posted by: brane at November 29, 2007 1:36 PM
I have just broken up with someone I had been going out with for about a month. We had been chatting online for months before that. He had a highly developed sense of independence- usually being too busy renovating his house and practising for competition ball-room dancing to spend much time with me.
There is a selfish end of the independenced continuum. I did not want to infringe on the time he needed to do these things- just thought that our developing relationship should have been given some priority. I work and have a social life, and he was retired- yet I was the one who had to fit into his timetable.
Maybe as we get older we can get too set in our ways and selfishly put ourselves first all of the time. I believe that this is not how we should be thinking if we want to have a relationship with someone.
karenchocolat
Posted by: karenchocolat at November 29, 2007 1:01 PM
notgodsgift, brane, brilliantblue, misswendyxx and others - good discussion, pity we can't all slip down to the pub together tonight, open a bottle of wine and continue it. It would be fun and I think helpful for all of us in one way or another.
On the point of independance vs clingy again - in my marriage my ex viewed me as clingy as she needed lots of space. In my last relationship I viewed my partner as clingy as I needed more space than she did. I think that shows that (using me as the constant in the equation) it is all a matter of degrees and finding someone who wants roughly the same level of closeness or independance as you do that makes relationship really work.
On your question notgodsgift, I think if this degree of requirement is very different between two people then yes, it is hard to maintain that relationship no matter how much else they have in common because the more clingy person will always feel like they are being short-changed. Hopefully those people can however remain friends.
Posted by: woodnwine at November 29, 2007 12:53 PM
Hi SecretK,
On the blog topic "do I fall in love too easily", the answer is no, I dont. I would hope that we all learn something as we get older, but I think for those people coming out of long term relationships, it is a whole lot more difficult.
Am I careful? I would say not really, but I am confident I know what I want and can give and I look for women who seem to understand that, and can accept that. Once we have that understood, perhaps if there are no other issue, something might develop other than friendship.
Other people have different views on that, and good luck to them, but I am trying not to duplicate previous mistakes that have ended up hurting someone who misunderstood me.
If that makes me seem shallow to some, then so be it, but at least the women that meet me know exactly where I stand.
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at November 29, 2007 12:41 PM
Hi notgodsgift
You've expressed yourself clearly now and your arguments make all the more sense for it. Good luck in your endeavours.
Posted by: brane at November 29, 2007 12:37 PM
Notgodsgift....if you're with the right person, you won't have the dilemma of whether your independence is at risk.
If you find yourself in this situation, that person is not the one for you. From what you say I would assume it would be a women who also likes a lot of her own space who would be attracted to you!
As for Woodnwine...if I lived in QLD, he's definitely someone I would like to meet!
Secretk agree - Jeff Buckley is one of my all favourites...fanastic voice!
Posted by: brilliantblue at November 29, 2007 12:35 PM
hello - notgodsgift. I lost the thread somewhere along the line ...
So what are your thoughts on the blog topic. Do we learn as we get older and have you gotten careful?
Posted by: secretk at November 29, 2007 12:11 PM
Woodnwine (sorry for misspelling your handle before),
Not saying any different to you about different types of relationships, just trying to get opinions on what independence means to everyone and how it effects the relationship (and whether we understand the other partners view). My "caring and sharing" is another persons "clingy and needy" is what I am trying to say - badly obviously - so how do you (both) deal with that when you find someone that is otherwise perfect for you?
What you experienced in your marriage, I started to have that develop in mine towards the end, so I know from where you are coming. She grew and developed different interests and I stayed the same, no fault or blame to her, we grew apart.
I am not a one night stand type of guy and never will be (though I have done it a couple of times in my life), I raised FwB as a topic of discussion, nothing more, nothing less; but I think it is an interesting subject to discuss, but obviously not for everyone.
I have no problems with people being selective, I am too, and believe that we all should be when it comes to seeking a partner. Brane mentioned that I wanted a harem...are you joking? But I do want to meet a few women and see if there is one that strikes that chord with me, and dating several seems like a reasonable thing to do...and I am up front on my profile about that. I am also making friends along the way, and happy to do so because, for me, that is another part of being an RSVP'er, finding the types of friends that I dont normally get to meet in the clubs and pubs (ie women in my age group - they dont go out anymore for some reason).
Anyway, before all of this starts to turn a bit nasty, lets just nip it in the bud now and agree to disagree and leave it at that.
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at November 29, 2007 12:04 PM
Yes woodnwine
its not that you weren't clear, its just that your're asking him to see what he can never see
Posted by: brane at November 29, 2007 11:45 AM
Hi misswendyxx - I liked your comments - I agree that to have a partner who can still maintain their own interests and you keep yours is good but someone who goes out each weekend without you seems pointless.
Mostly I agree with BB, when you are in a good relationship, independence just doesn't seem to be an issue.
Brane: i was wrong, with the checklist the no 1 should be "able to love and be loved" then no 2 "passion"
Glad you are getting into Jeff Buckley - will download the lilac wine song to you.
So getting back to the blog topic, i hope that I never become careful so that love passes me by. I hope that I can be open to that wonderful feeling called love and all the fun, laughter, tears and joy that it can bring
Posted by: secretk at November 29, 2007 11:43 AM
Hi notgodsgift
Isn't it apparent that people are of different types. We all categorise people , its part of human nature. The basis for myers-brigg types is much more realistic than any statement about firesigns. I am an Aries, I am an OX , I am an INTP.
The last actually means something based on hereditary and environment rather than the chance alignment of celestial bodies.
Posted by: brane at November 29, 2007 11:40 AM
Hi notgodsgift - You seem to misunderstand me again, maybe it was my poor choice of words; some people have told me I don't always blog particularly well. I don't remember ever saying or inferring that I was here seeking anyone's approval - I thought what I said was I had learnt a lot about myself from the comments of others, including yourself. Personally, I think criticism, as opposed to abuse, can teach you a lot about yourself if you are prepared to listen and that is what I have tried to do, not always successfully I know.
You seem to have a big issue with independance but remember others are entitled to different ideas without meaning they are "clingy". Independance, trust and encouragement are all important in a relationship but if there is too much desire for too much independance then I think you need to ask do you want a relationship or just a "friends with benefits" friendship with no commitment? I have been in a relationship where the other person wanted an extraordinary amount of independance and finally for me there was no point as I ended up doing nearly everything by myself. I want to be with someone where we can share things, not everything but most things. That is my desire and obviously your's is different - that's OK, everyone is different.
I am still here for the same reason as Brane - I am selective. That doesn't mean I am stuck up, shallow or anything like that - it means I am looking for the right person and won't just jump into bed with anyone that comes along. I am making friends (without benefits) along the way though so I'm not completely alone.
Posted by: woodnwine at November 29, 2007 11:25 AM
Take what Brane, you haven't given me anything yet? Here I am thinking that we are all people and I find out that you are a character from a Myers-Briggs survey.
But you have just made my point on independence with you own feet. Which one of you wanted a closer relationship and which to maintain their independence? My point is, unless there is mutual agreement and understanding of what it means to each party, there are going to be problems. Isn't it better to have this understood up front rather than find out you have different views weeks or months down the track of a relationship?
Also, is it a deal breaker if everything else is great? For you maybe, but I dont know the other circumstances of your recent relationship, there may have been other issues, but that is your business, not mine.
On the subject of Woodnwine, who's trying to belittle him? I have nothing personal against him whatsoever. I have made a couple of personal observations (I stress Personal) that he can do with what he likes. He has obviously taken note and asked the question of others, and I have asked them a tougher question - I hope they are honest enough (as friends) to answer him truthfully.
Woodnwine,
I hate speaking about you rather than to you, so accept my apologies for the above. Feel free to jump in any time you wish because I think if we were together in a pub discussing our personal characteristics, it might just be a really great topic - and I think that is the case for everyone (ie face to face interaction).
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at November 29, 2007 11:18 AM
Brane
I’ll tell you what Alpha males are like.
There are “kisses” on here which say:
“Post a photo”
“Update your profile”
Blah blah.
Noone, and I mean, noone, tells or commands an Alpha Male what to do, and certainly not a woman.
There is no kiss reply suitable for Alpha Males like “Get stuffed woman.”
That is Alpha territory. Goes with the Hummer
Posted by: alphabetaphi at November 29, 2007 11:13 AM
That's okay Brane, glad you are discovering Buckley he is just an amazing talent. Enjoy xxx
Posted by: misswendyxx at November 29, 2007 11:11 AM
OOps, yes I'm sorry wendyxx, I realise now that I overstepped the mark and you were just expressing a taste preference. I am getting to like buckley too, a recent thing
Posted by: brane at November 29, 2007 10:53 AM
LOL, Yes mate, I've been single for 6 weeks since I voted with my feet, precisely over the issue of independence that you rave about constantly.
Why am I still here, I'm a selective male, what's the rush, Valentine day is a long way off. I will say things to provoke discussion, I'm an INTP as I said before. I will play devil's advocate.
Since you didn't mind trying to play the alpha male (somewhat poorly) here I assumed you were strong enough to take it instead of trying to belittle woodnwine. You strike me as someone looking for a harem rather than a relationship. Prove me wrong
Posted by: brane at November 29, 2007 10:46 AM
Hi Folks
Interesting view and points.
I'm a complete doofus when it comes to man -woman relationships, but having said that doesnt mean one cant try. As for falling in and out of love easily.. im going to be honest, it takes me a loong time to fall in love and love is something i have not found yet, probably because i have not yet met a man who could knock me off my feet whilst making my heart stamer with butterflies in my stomach.
Does it exist tho? I'm still trying to find out...hence RSVP. Yes i belive we learn as we go along, some do some don't but that is why we have uniqueness! As for love i think, my personal views on that are...to be or not to be" When we find the right person, love takes time to form and shape, it takes a millisecond to fall inlove with someone, a lifetime to work on it, commitment, motivation trust, communication,understanding the need for personal space etc etc...."
but if love is real and love is true, you will not fall out of it nor give up on it, but work on it.
Posted by: ilovedaffodils at November 29, 2007 10:46 AM
secretk - no problem jeff is awesome!
Posted by: misswendyxx at November 29, 2007 10:42 AM
Notgodsgift I just read your post. How would I feel if someone wanted their independence? I would encourage my partner to go off and keep pursuing whatever he enjoyed prior to our meeting and I would like to be supported the same way as there are things I don't want to give up that doesn't involve a partner too.
As to appropriate times well I guess that is where there needs to be a compromise, if you are going to tell me you want some alone time every Saturday night then I am already heading for the door, no chance of becoming clingy. It's about balance and not about "the me me me" time because you are in a relationship and that is about sharing and involves a level of compromise.
Thanks Brane, like I said I liked your poems and each to our own about what artists we like - it's subjective. I am quite sure that if I started printing lyrics by the "Eagles of Death Metal" people are not going to like it. I just felt that there is starting to be too many songs getting quoted here that's all. I am really sorry if I offended you as that is not what I intended. xxx
Posted by: misswendyxx at November 29, 2007 10:32 AM
Brane,
Duhhhh!! The guy with all the answers to life and relationships; yet here you are still...wonder why??
The problem with you buddy is that you are so full of expressing your own intellectual superiority over the masses that you have completely missed my point.
Sit back and keep wishing and hoping and praying.........god, now you have me doing doing it!!
Needless to say, I agree with MissWendyXX
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at November 29, 2007 10:30 AM
Yes, wendyxx you should listen too, obviously another doer who can't read between the lines
Posted by: brane at November 29, 2007 10:18 AM
misswendyxx : thank you for liking buckley
Posted by: secretk at November 29, 2007 10:17 AM
Hi notgodsgift
Its obvious you are an doer not a thinker and lack the ability to read between the lines, so I'll explain in cold hard english.
Everyone needs their space, its a given. But as some have explained quite well, its not crucial during the initial getting closer stage and would appear to be cold and uninviting.
Independence is a word that conveys a lot of meaning, are you referring to an open relationship or just time with the boys, or personal space.
Love is about interdependence but that doesn't exclude independence, it just involves trust.
The verse here livens up what would otherwise be a soulless whine by many over their unhappiness. You have to understand what is being said.
Its the choice of verse that matters and who is saying what to whom, or trying to attract whom.
Posted by: brane at November 29, 2007 10:15 AM
I don't want to offend anyone here but can you guys all ease up on the song words, religious passages, hymns and poems. Whilst these can be inspirational, the blogs are for opinions and lively discussion.
Brane your poems are lovely and even more so knowing it's your own work but when you quoted Tina Arena that just tipped me over the edge! The other day someone subjected me to song lyrics by Kris Kristofferson blahhhhhh. Now the only exception I see here is Jeff Buckley he can be quoted here anytime and in fact I might just reprint the entire Grace album here so everyone here can enjoy it.
Maybe someone could go to the "got an idea for the blogs topic" and put forward the suggestion of the topic: "inspirational quotes, poems, songs, hymns and religious passages" for the masses.
Posted by: misswendyxx at November 29, 2007 10:04 AM
Hi All,
Firstly, had to repost a couple of times and on reading the original, realised that it was all over the place. please ignore that, this is the may it should read.
I think istj54 hit the nail on the head; you can love someone to death, but cant live with them - been there done that - she is still my best friend, though I am over the whole "want a relationship with her" thing.
You can quote all the verse you want, but that is not reality, they are whimsical yearnings (usually based upon unrequited love). Maybe thats the problem here for some; too much yearning and not enough doing. You talk about taking a risk in a relationship, but you cant risk getting out of your comfort zone to go out and about to meet people face to face in the real world, not the cyberworld.
You know, I have read all of the comments on independence and there is one common trait; its all about what you yourselves want, not the other person. What would you do if you met that Mr or Ms Right, but they wanted their independence still? How would you cope with that if they were perfect for you, but wanted to retain a level of freedom that they have enjoyed for years?
I really want to know the answers to these questions because that is something that anyone I meet will have to tolerate. I can be close to someone and commit time and effort to them, but I like being with me at times, and those times may not suit what you want.
Woodnwine,
You proved my point the minute you ran off into cyberspace seeking approval. Why do you need approval to be who you are, does the approval of others shape your character?
My point also is that women do like nice guys (believe it or not, I know that because I have been there and done that) its obvious a lot here like you, but when it comes to a relationship....all those girls that know (and met) and really like Woodnwine...would you have a relationship with him and if not, why, he's a lovely guy (I am not being facetious here)??
It is starting to look like I have a vendetta against you, but I dont. I have read many of your blogs and read the anguish in the tone at times that there is no-one for you, so this is my way of giving you my impressions (for what they might be worth to you).
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at November 29, 2007 9:56 AM
Similar sentiment in "Chains", locked up by love and passion. Although at the moment I identify more with "Heaven help my heart", about love lost !!
Morning all. Another showery but warm day for Brissy !
Posted by: jenjen57 at November 29, 2007 9:32 AM
morning brane: yes, passion is no. 1
Posted by: secretk at November 29, 2007 9:21 AM
Moving right along, lets talk about passion, since it rated a mention on the universal checklist , right after being alive and having teeth I think.
Here's some words about passion
Burn Lyrics
» Tina Arena
Do you wanna be a poet and write
Do you wanna be an actor up in lights
Do you wanna be a soldier and fight for love
Do you wanna travel the world
Do you wanna be a diver for pearls
Or climb a mountain and touch the clouds above
Be anyone you want to be
Bring to life your fantasies
But I want something in return
I want you to burn, burn for me baby
Like a candle in my night
Oh burn
Burn for me
Burn for me
Are you gonna be a gambler and deal
Are you gonna be a doctor and heal
Or go to heaven and touch God's face
Are you gonna be a dreamer who sleeps
Are you gonna be a sinner who weeps
Or an angel
Under grace
Ill lay down on your bed of coals
Offer up my heart and soul
But in return
I want you to burn
Burn for me baby
Like a candle in my night
Oh burn burn for me burn for me
Yeah
Ooh
I want you to burn baby ooh
Laugh for me
Cry for me
Pray for me
Lie for me
Live for me
Die for me
I want you to burn
Burn for me baby
Like a candle in my night
Oh burn burn for me burn for me
Women demand passion from their men, don't you think secretk
Posted by: brane at November 29, 2007 9:08 AM
Good Morning, some beautiful words this morning. I might add the beginning of it though.
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is the driving force in us , it seems. Of course the cynical type would call that the words of a desperate loser.
Posted by: brane at November 29, 2007 8:59 AM
Helloooooooooooooooo
Is there anybody home?
“The kids” weren’t there yesterday
Posted by: alphabetaphi at November 29, 2007 8:42 AM
I have been very lucky to have two parents who recently celebrated their 50th Wedding Anniversary. I asked Mum and Dad what the secret was of staying together all those years and their answer was -
"A deep love, respect and commitment, sharing the same bottom line morals and principles, and trying to always put the other first."
They are both very independent people, they have their disagreements as they are both individuals but they respect the love they have and allow each other to grow.
My dad still brings flowers home every friday night for my mum as he did when they were first together. He told me this is my way of saying how much I appreciate every she does!
I think its interesting to hear from people who've been married for a long time and listen to their outlook on relationships and how its worked for them.
Posted by: brilliantblue at November 29, 2007 8:36 AM
istj54 if you don't mind my agreement as I go out the door laughing from the posts Ive read. You can't live with them and you can't live without 'em. Hoping for something that is not a love hate thing.
Hope my computer don't freeze tonight later. Silly system may not let me on. Ha.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at November 29, 2007 8:34 AM
secretK LOL he he he
OK No 1 attribute other than staying power - being able to commit, is that it? nice brainstorming time you and brane must have had...I thought what are they saying...yes of course emotional maturity.
1. sense of humour
You do realise the checklist was not my idea ha ha. In one year I have only agreed to meet 2 people from RSVP.
This will be helpful to others as I am a coward and would probably prefer to be in an unrequited love situation (current). But not by choice...am trying to change. I don't wanna comment on the "must have stamina" point.
Barely alive and must have stamina, that will work.
OK
Attribute 2 (Real attributes, not my silly ones) = able to be passionate...but not just about me. To have a passion of their own or two. Reality beckons today and tonight...I will look forward to the rest of the "list". This blog does make me laugh so much.
secretk...if its "our" checklist, we may fall for the same guy. Someone will post a profile with the attributes. LOL. this is fun and I haven't been on Facebook for a few days. (wrong topic) Have an upbeat day everyone. Its looking good (the "list"). S
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at November 29, 2007 8:29 AM
Secretk and whatididforlove....its a beautiful passage and in the times we live in how easily its forgotton.
I remember my mum repeating the first line... telling me thats what love is!
She has always said "If you BOTH put the other first out of love, it will work.
Posted by: brilliantblue at November 29, 2007 8:11 AM
slightsynchronicity: so far on our checklist I have:
"Must be older enough to know better, but still do it anyway.
Must have a pulse/be alive
Must have own teeth"
Brane and I were chatting last night and we came up with another ... "must have staying power/stamina". Now before everyone starts tutting tutting at me, apart from the obvious meaning, I think it can also mean someone who does not get a case of hives once the relationship starts to develop on an emotional/caring level ... someone who has the courage to form a relationship and see what happens. Maybe "must have emotional maturity" is a much better way of putting it. But can we still add "must have stamina" too? (lol)
Posted by: secretk at November 29, 2007 7:54 AM
how about we talk about it, babe, and not blog
Posted by: alphabetaphi at November 29, 2007 7:52 AM
Good morning all
Corinthians 13 is a beautiful passage. I am not religious but even I know this as I guess a lot of people do.
So to start this morning (and keeping on the topic, sort of):
"Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous;
love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly;
it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;
bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails;
but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away;
if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part;
but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away.
When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child;
when I became a man, I did away with childish things. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face;
now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. But now faith, hope, love, abide these three;
but the greatest of these is love."
Hope we all find a little bit of love in our day.
Posted by: secretk at November 29, 2007 7:17 AM
Before I go to work, just a quick one...I know your question was not for me, but my take....You can fall in love so deeply and strongly and forever with someone...but just can't live with them...You tear at each other from the inside out till there's nothing left...I've had love like this, and we continued to love each other, beyond anyone else, till the day he died...It was true unconditional love...I still think of him every day of my life nand sometimes think that is why I am still alone...my one and only soulmate..but S*** happens....have a good day!
Posted by: istj54 at November 29, 2007 7:13 AM
Why do you build me up, Buttercup baby......
It's a grey, overcast, sultry sky down south here in Melbourne..temp going up to 29...possibility of thunderstorms later...I do hope so. I love storms, they are so sexy.
Hope the kids behave today, I think I've lost it....
Posted by: istj54 at November 29, 2007 6:52 AM
What I Did For Love
On 3 Sept 2007 you said:
"Fairytale wedding.
Long happy marriage to a man who loved me and continues to love me.
Two beautiful happy and now grown up and successful children.
Successful career of my own
Husband progressed with my help to a very high profile career. Wined and dined with everyone from Diplomats Royalty Ambassadors Military Prime Ministers Bishops Actors etc etc for years"
Not quite what you are saying now.
Posted by: alphabetaphi at November 29, 2007 5:47 AM
Nice photo Istj
You are a very attractive woman
Posted by: alphabetaphi at November 29, 2007 3:08 AM
seraphsuzie its a Josh Pyke song and its not properly acknowledged by me..but he is on mySpace. Good night and have fun. My computer played up today big time.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at November 29, 2007 12:21 AM
notgodsgift, alive or "not recently dead" is reminiscent of the weekend at Bernies movie. my speed coffee outing today, with a man!!! was great. (Speed as in length of time) Fun. Good not to chicken out and just do it.
and also notsogodsgift thats it, the independence is great and how hard to "give that up." I think I would rather sacrifice the "me" time in the long term. And like wraecca said each keeping their own interests! but not guarding your heart, that is so true.
The trick is to find someone before we are all too set in our ways maybe. I have maybe found someone but they are not in Australia. So I almost lost hope for a while. I have to wait and see as things unfold as they will I guess. sorry for too many words. stupid system wouldnt let me on earlier....zzzzzz mushie67..post got lost before replying to you. I dont know if all guys are attracted to a bombshell photo. Cos i think there are different tastes. No people should not settle for second best. Could be why we are single. Wait for destiny I guess. Welcome to the new posters! Too tired to think, so goodnight and have fun.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at November 29, 2007 12:19 AM
Whatididforlove, what a heartfelt and awsome post! I am sure many of us can relate to that.
Posted by: jovial67 at November 29, 2007 12:06 AM
wow slightsyncronicity.. I really love that poem.. it is awesome.. very lovely.. thanks for sharing it!! :-)
And I agree with you whatididforlove.. I love Corinthians 13.. beautiful..
Posted by: seraphsuzie at November 28, 2007 11:56 PM
love is patient and kind and never selfish...etc Corinthians 13 there is a lot of truth in that passage and i am not religious.
Things I have learned:
Any relationship which makes you feel bad ,threatened or without value more than good, is not love
Any selfishness is not love..if you love someone there will always be care and compromise for each other; it will always be a two way street.
You can truly love another person but find they don't love you(hard to deal with)
Finding a relationship where both partners love equally, can be difficult, but if there is attraction and respect and willingness in the beginning then it is something which can be achieved.
Love is what happens over time as bit by bit a history is built together ..of good times,of bad times of life, of adversity overcome and happiness shared. It's the memories shared which are so precious...only one person can share them(thus your 'life') with you. If you lose that then it takes away a whole chunk of what validates your existence and importantly the pleasure of reminiscing and reliving. Others can share some memories of course but not in the same way as a long term partner who knows you intimately, and who was there to share major life events.
Love is the inner sigh of relief when you hear the footsteps of a partner home safe after the day.Often an unconscious thought.
Love is the physical pain at being separated for any length of time.
Love is the joy in a partners achievements or support willingly given in times of need.
Love is finding a partner just as attractive after ten or twenty years as after ten weeks, and knowing then that sex is truly meaningful and not just lust .
Love is not the walks on the beach or the cuddles on the couch or all the romantic niceties which are the 'bells and whistles' (and should also be plentiful) but it is knowing that the other person will be there for you under any circumstances. They will not love you less if you gain or lose a bit of weight or grow a bit older or lose some hair or your fortune. A man might say that bit of a tummy means that my wife gave me my child. A woman might say I love the way that touch of grey makes him look so distinguished.
Love and a great relationship do not always mean there won't be difficult times to endure when you believe you can't stand the other person another minute.
Loves intensity comes and goes over a long relationship..it is the solid history of sharing life whether burnt toast for breakfast or a night at the Ritz, children, dogs, books family occasions...which makes it worthwhile continuing. It is the satisfaction of standing together to follow or build dreams and the sense of achievement.
A lesson learnt...in the last few years of my marriage when there was conflict(caused not by our direct relationship but by his with our son) I was so torn between the two of them that I often thought "I wish (my husband) would just leave and not come back"
One day my wish was granted.....and to this day I would do anything to reverse it. To this day(9 years later)just a haunting whiff of a certain mens aftershave can cause tears to well up, because the memories triggered are so powerful and because it is sad to know they can never be shared again.
So my test for real love is to ask the question "How would I really feel if that person walked out the door and never came back? How much do I value the memories and the history shared?"That will give you the answer.
Posted by: whatididforlove at November 28, 2007 11:47 PM
secretk "must have own teeth" that is great. This blog would not let me on before for hours. Yes fotographer...it is a shocking photo only designed to be seen as a thumbnail. Old nokia camera phone. Will try to remedy it soon. The particular about the guys photo thing was just about one contact who had a beanie hat pulled down hard to his ears and big sunnies. I removed that comment. Have to scan non digital photos then upload them. Cheers.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at November 28, 2007 11:46 PM
Sew My Name, Josh Pyke
"When I go, i think i'm gonna sew my name into all of your clothes
my girl, since you have always worn me well.
And there are too many animals on this ship, some of you i think will have to sink
but when it gets too much, you can only adjust
oh i am always thinking about you
and how you always wear me well,
you can't outgrow something sewn under your skin
so i will always wear you well.
And sunday evening always has this sense of something good about to end
i know we hold our breaths for tomorrow, and i think im gonna write my name
into all the books you love so well, since you can read me good my girl
yeah you can always read me well.
Try and rationalise a thing you've never seen before
you can wear me well, you can wear me well
id suit myself, but its one that ive never worn
and if theres only one truth that i know, its that the stitches that we've made are the best i've ever sewn
so when i go, i think im gonna sew my name into all of your clothes..."
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at November 28, 2007 11:38 PM
What is love?
Posted by: whatcomesnext at November 28, 2007 10:58 PM
I still have hope that we can fall in love. But it is more then the first ideal that we find in someone. Real life should and has to take over at some stage unless we are living in fantasy. Some people still are. Lets hope we learn as we get older or we havn't learnt anything. But, STILL HAVE FAITH. More impossible things have happened.
Posted by: ptm1973 at November 28, 2007 10:23 PM
Hi all First time blogger and yes I matched faces to the bloggers!, prefer blogging to a face. Great comments from everyone, healthy discussion! My experience, for what its worth, has been that the people I have dated seem to be in a hurry to fall in love or the idea of love, then realise no not quite right. I watch the time my teenager has taken to just become friends with the girl he is so keen on, now his girlfriend. I think if we took more time to get to know each other, like we did when we were younger, without the hunger for immediate love or urgency to connect, we may just find what we are looking for. I am still looking and still optimistic, I will find it one day.
Posted by: jitterbuggirl at November 28, 2007 10:22 PM
Woodnwine has my vote too.He deserves to be happily dating someone soon.Bring on the nice guys please!
Posted by: graceandcharm at November 28, 2007 10:19 PM
istj54
nice photo....i think I have definately done the wrong thing...oh well,anybody else like to look as good as istj54 ?
Posted by: thefotografer at November 28, 2007 10:13 PM
notgodsgift: thank you for the kind words
Posted by: secretk at November 28, 2007 10:06 PM
woodnwine, you can only be the person that you are. You can't change yourself to fit into other peoples plans or patterns.
Posted by: jpkool at November 28, 2007 9:53 PM
Hi thefotografer,
It is up...I just got home and it's there...Thank you...hope you enjoyed your pizza dinner or was that a champagne dinner with pizza on the side...Thanks again...J
Do I fall in love easily......No...Could I? Hell yes...especially after a few good reds........on topic for you sweetie...
Posted by: istj54 at November 28, 2007 9:42 PM
How exciting Seraphsuzie, good luck, I have fingers and toes crossed for you!
Posted by: dolphin46 at November 28, 2007 9:39 PM
seraphsuzie - for me I knew when it was love when one day I was behaving badly (you know, bad day at work) and he said that was fine, I was just behaving badly and didn't change his feelings at all. That blew me away as so many people are "I will love you if you behave like this" which isn't really love at all.
Posted by: secretk at November 28, 2007 9:37 PM
I have had that dolphin.. however there has always been more bad times then good times. And that kind of stuff has never lasted, so therefore I think maybe it wasn't real love..
Btw.. I have hidden my profile.. I have started talking to someone.. early days.. and don't want to jinx it.. hehe ...
Posted by: seraphsuzie at November 28, 2007 9:35 PM
Seraphsuzie, I get the idea that I am in love when even the everyday, mundane things become exciting as long as you are doing them together. Simple things like a hug or touch while doing the dishes,or sharing the cooking and laughing at inane silly things. And the special private jokes and nic names that only the 2 of you get. Oh how I miss that.
Posted by: dolphin46 at November 28, 2007 9:29 PM
I want to know how you know that you have fallen in love.. and I don't mean that first lust rush.. but the realisation that you know that you cannot be without that person ever...
Posted by: seraphsuzie at November 28, 2007 9:18 PM
Wraecca, you have so much wisdom for one so young.Sigh... if only i had been so wise many years ago. Good luck to you and BK,have followed the journey thru the blogs and wish you both all the best.
Posted by: dolphin46 at November 28, 2007 9:15 PM
The thing with 'independence' within a relationship is that some people see it as a time where you *have* to be alone, and not with your partner. I don't believe that to be true. I think the idea of 'independence' is keeping some of your interests/friends/sports/hobbies separate from each other. For example, guys may have their mates that they go out with or do a whole poker game/sports night with, girls have their friends who they chat with, go and have coffee with, or go shopping with. A guy or girl may play a sport that their partner doesn't, but their partner will watch. You may have different tastes in books/music/movies, or even different hobbies. For example (if I use BK and myself), I enjoy cooking, reading, writing, playing certain MMORPG games, painting miniatures (Warhammer and Warhammer 40K), 'knitting' chainmail, cross-stitch, etc. Some of these interests BK shares with me. However, he plays other games than the ones I play, he designs/creates/builds model trains and he does a lot of stuff online. I don't necessarily share these interests, but I would never ask him to give them up.
You can be sitting side-by-side and still be independent. One person may love reading travel books. The other person may be a romance addict. Just because they don't read the same genres doesn't mean that they can't have a fulfilling relationship.
Independence is all and good, as long as it doesn't shut the other person out.
Oh, by the way, I fell completely and utterly in love for the first time when I was 24. Even though he eventually broke my heart when he split up with me, I don't regret a minute. You have to risk to live life to the full. Don't live to guard your heart, instead, give it freely and lovingly, because if you guard it too much, that special person may just slip past you and you'll never get that opportunity back. Live your life, don't hide from it.
Posted by: wraecca at November 28, 2007 9:09 PM
alphabetsoup - you keep leaving in the middle of a conversation. How are we ever going to be friends that way?
Posted by: woodnwine at November 28, 2007 9:04 PM
Trumanscat - I think it is very important not to let a bad experience taint our future opportunities. This is something I myself have had to be very wary of. Well done and good luck.
Posted by: woodnwine at November 28, 2007 8:58 PM
I know just what you mean, WnW - the theory is great, and then when someone actually does come into your life, all the little demons lurking within come out to play too and sometimes the theory just goes out the window.... it's interesting (and disturbing sometimes) to find out where you actually are on your own growth continuum.
Posted by: malsie at November 28, 2007 8:47 PM
PS - what I need now is someone lovely to put all my newfound wisdom to practice on; to see if I really have learnt from my mistakes or if I was just putting up barriers and pretending to myself. Hopefully, I really have learnt a thing or two. Thanks to my supporters and accusers alike.
Posted by: woodnwine at November 28, 2007 8:38 PM
Malsie - well said, very wise comments. Dolphin46 - thanks for your comment. Notgodsgift, Brilliantblue, Ninaschen and others - thanks also, I am learning a lot about myself through these blogs.
Thanks also to psychobabble, cynicalandanonymous and alphabetsoup for also helping me to learn more about myself. I have taken the good with the bad and am more comfortable with my shortcomings and deficiencies.
Posted by: woodnwine at November 28, 2007 8:36 PM
So many things I agree with. I feel that both men and women change as they progress through life- so many things impact on our lives and the directions in which we grow. Our own personalities and belief systems also impact on how we react in situations-often differently to someone else who is going through the same things.
Initially relationships can be full- on,as we get to know each other- looking forward to seeing that person and spending time with them. I like to spend time with the people who are special to me- whether it is a partner, family or friends. I also like time to myself ,and time to pursue my own interests.
As notgodsgift talked about -beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Isn't it good that we are all attracted to diiferent physical types, as well as personality types- way less competition that way-lol
funlover2 and amuso
Good luck. You have both given us hope that we too may find someone to love.
karenchocolat
Posted by: karenchocolat at November 28, 2007 7:40 PM
I was 38 before I truly fell in love.
And when I did it felt like a coming home, a level of safety that I had never felt with a man before.... ironically he was the worst betrayer, the least "safe" person I could choose.
However, I do not let it effect any future or current relationships. It has made me much clearer on what I do want & what I don't. And more importantly I listen to my inner voice, I take it seriously.
And with all that I am still optimistic that a good, kind to animals/old ladies/children man will find his way to me or visa versa.
Posted by: trumanscat at November 28, 2007 7:37 PM
Evening all, lots of interesting views here tonight. Every one has made lots of valid points, but I can't help feeling that maybe we are all too analytical about it. Yes we want independance, and yes we want snuggles and company on the couch,there has to be a balance. BB got it right... if its the right person things seem to flow.
Maybe if we stop thinking about it, things may just happen......Mind you this comes from the worlds greatest analyser who still has yet to meet "the one" .I have taken a step back from having check lists etc and have come to the conclusion that I have thought sooo much about what I do and Don't want that I am more confused than ever.Or maybe I am tired from a huge day at work,followed by an hour and a half driving lesson with daughter{3rd day on L plates}
Anyway back to a glass of wine and no doubt more thinking after reading the nights comments.
PS don't change woodnwine, I remember the heat you got from earlier blogs, just be yourself.
Posted by: dolphin46 at November 28, 2007 7:33 PM
I'm outta here for the night...I want to see if these farmers can make a committment after being cooped up with their women for just 2 weeks...
Now, is that love, or in love with the idea of love...???
Posted by: hiddencharms at November 28, 2007 7:26 PM
The "independent" topic is an interesting one. I've always regarded myself as very independent, needing a lot of my own time and space, thinking someone who was around too much and a bit in my face emotionally and physically would most likely make me feel smothered.
However, a bit like brilliantblue was saying, I've been surprised in my current relationship how much I've actually enjoyed so much contact. The difference I've realised for me is that I'm currently with someone who is very loving and affectionate, and happy to be around me a lot, but doesn't do any of these things in a "needy" way. I don't feel I'm having the life sucked out of me to feed his own insecurities and neediness; it feels companionable and giving, which seems to make a great deal of difference.
Posted by: malsie at November 28, 2007 7:25 PM
ninaschen: I think someone once said that using the view bar was a bit like the "cheers kiss" that we never got...just saying hi...
Posted by: hiddencharms at November 28, 2007 7:08 PM
WoodnWine - You have been given lots of excellent advice by your Victorian Vixens on how to be a 'bad boy' but sadly, we are failing. Can't see any signs, yet. Brissie girls, what are you waiting for? Send him a kiss. He is a sweetie. Trust me. Would I lie?
NotGodsGift - You talk a lot of sense. I enjoy your thoughtful take on topics. It is a little disconcerting at first when both sexes ranging in age from 20 to 80 look at your profile, isn't it? Blog readers are obviously curious and want to put a face to a blogger. I'm used to it now and often look back. One time I said in a blog that I liked both men and women (meaning people in general). It was astonishing how many attractive young ladies with bare shoulders and in seductive poses, looked at me after that comment!
Posted by: ninaschen at November 28, 2007 6:51 PM
Thanks "notgodsgift" for your compliments this morning(9.36am),and you are right,I am GU(geographically unavailable) to many,but live in hope...one day,one day.I agree with you,it's SO important to know yourself first before entering into a relationship,otherwise you end up making your partner your "everything" and it can be suffocating for that person.
Hope you are enjoying your pizza Mr fotographer.
Posted by: graceandcharm at November 28, 2007 6:38 PM
Jenn it's on the way.
Just got back in ,got my cd,didn't have the lambs fry, had fresh juice and smoked salmon,checked out the car,bought a new phone new hdmi switcher,and ended up with a friends Marantz stereo and amp in the back of the car to fix.
Got rid of my two tower speakers (gave them away of course)
delivered the new camera and Ipod docking station to a friend,picked up her daughter and two Kindergarten kids for child minding,phew, ordered Pizzas and having a nice champagne at the moment.
i think I deserve it today?
Posted by: thefotografer at November 28, 2007 6:10 PM
Woodnwine definitely don't change....everyones different in what they like in another....I believe you carry some very favourable traits.
I like a man who shows the softer more emotional side and I know a lot of my friends complain that most men don't.
Notgodsgift we all constantly change(not just women) throughout our journey in life. Maybe women have to change earlier in life after having their first child with the huge responsilibity they feel. I know I felt overwhelmed at having a little person totally dependent on me and had to grow up overnight.
Posted by: brilliantblue at November 28, 2007 5:50 PM
notgodsgift: I agree with BB (Hi)...if you meet someone who is immediately desperately clingy, continually on the phone, wants to know where you are, and won't leave you alone, or let you have time of your own with your friends or hobbies etc...then you know to opt out gently...if that is not what you are looking for...
And vice-versa, if you meet someone who has become a bit selfish about their time and likes to makes decisions for themselves and give you the space you need...snaffle 'em up!
Posted by: hiddencharms at November 28, 2007 5:45 PM
BB,
Absolutely right. My point though is that unless you know yourself, and what independence means to you (and you articulate that clearly), the risk is that you get into a relationship with someone with a different understanding and heartbreak follows when it could have been avoided by saying what you mean.
Guys (not girls),
I am getting a bit antsy when I look at my views and theres lots of guys faces looking back at me. If you must look at my profile, turn off the damn "view"!!
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at November 28, 2007 5:44 PM
Yes people fall in, and then out of love for a reason. But hey thats life and it goes on. Thats why i'm goin to a B and S ball this week-end. Because life does go on. You have got to get "out there" to meet new people. Won't find em at home eh. And i don/t know what the strike rate is via computer networking. Although i do know its pretty good if your a 17yo in Oz and a 33yo from America. haha. So might see u at the N.Q B and S Ball then.
Posted by: purecountryboy at November 28, 2007 5:31 PM
Notgodsgift...agree with what you said but as I said - "If you're with the right person", in the pseudo sitition you explained in your blog, they are not right for each other!
Posted by: brilliantblue at November 28, 2007 5:24 PM
@ ALL!!!....At last some very interesting and varied opinions on this subject and its spin offs.....@ fotographer- THIS is what should go on in a blog of this topic...remember if you have no interest in the matter , please feel free not to post!! P.S Im not interested in your breakfast or what you have to do for the day, save that for your friends/family etc ok?............@ woodnwine- maintain course and speed mate, be yourself, thats all you can do!.....as many of you have said the "independance" thing is a personal choice as is beauty, chemistry etc.....we may choose to compromise our way of life, and lets face it as we get older and have been alone for sometime this may be more difficult, however even if we meet the woman/man of our dreams its is so important to not only communicate with them, but do it honestly and openly. I realise this comment may get over used, but it is so true. Its very easy to be swept up in the wave of passion a new love brings and lose some of our identity along the way. The dating/mating game is confusing and difficult at times as we would all agree. One only has to look at the many and varied opinions and experiences put forward here....But the potential reward of finding "the one" is worth the price of admission!.....or in other words.. "no guts...no glory"... just like most things in life!....IMANENIGMA
Posted by: imanenigma at November 28, 2007 5:11 PM
Melbourne friends - do you think notgodsgift is right? Has anyone been advising me not to be such a nice guy lately? Mmmm.... I guess so. Still working on that.
Posted by: woodnwine at November 28, 2007 4:37 PM
Wow notgodsgift - me the guy that everyone likes? I wish. You obviously haven't been on here long enough or don't remember some of the things that have gone on in the past. Maybe you are right, I don't know. I definitely have very strong opinions on things but guess I do try to be quite diplomatic on here; usually.
Posted by: woodnwine at November 28, 2007 4:36 PM
Hi Brane,
Good point. I think that long term relationships where you become homebodies, or remain in the same circle of people can stunt your growth mentally. How do you learn if you never get to experience different things and personalities?
I was married young (21) and was a bit like that , but think that I started growing when I started socialising after the breakup; I am certainly not the same person I was even 10 years ago (for good or bad). I think that living life on internet land has the same effect, you lose those social skills that only face to face contact can give you.
MissWendyXX,
You can call me godsgift if you like (its really not that far from the truth anyway - except I dont believe in god).
Bob (FIGJAM)!!
Posted by: notgodsgift at November 28, 2007 4:09 PM
I remember reading in Anton Myers book "Once an Eagle" that people stop growing at a certain age. Some apparently in primary school from my experience. Yes people do outgrow each other, and that's part of being selective, choosing who to grow old with. I've said before that the finest wines take time to mature. Don't blame them cause they're not the same person they were twenty years ago. The past is another country, they do things differently there.
Posted by: brane at November 28, 2007 3:54 PM
Hideencharms,
I am not saying that it cant work, what I am saying is that, unless both partners agree, then there are problems. What I say is not ideology, it about the way I am (and perhaps others like me).
I also prefer "eat things they dont like" myself, it sort of added a new dimension the the whole topic!!!
Woodnwine,
I very much doubt that we have too many similar takes on life, but that doesn't make me right nor a better person. I think that you are probably "too nice" for your own good, (to me, you need a bit of mongrel in you) and we clash because I'm not. I have my opinions and everyone else is entitled to disagree or challenge them; but I will certainly never apologise for having them or be cowed (sorry Moo), by anyone having a shot at me. That doesn't mean to say that you become nasty and offensive, but you just have to stop trying to be the guy that everyone likes, otherwise everyone will end up disrespecting you (I dont, by the way), and you dont deserve that.
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at November 28, 2007 3:32 PM
I like to spread the love around.......but I get the message!
Posted by: istj54 at November 28, 2007 3:30 PM
alright I've given you another kiss.
but why don't you stick to "imberseal" instead of "gig"
Posted by: alphabetaphi at November 28, 2007 2:51 PM
oops...that sould read "DO things they don't like"....back to my tissues and icy water...
Posted by: hiddencharms at November 28, 2007 2:50 PM
notgodsgift - I think we seem to think very much alike on some things, maybe that's why we clash occassionally. Regarding the change/not change thing, it really is spot on. When I challenged my ex on why she had changed so much and I still wanted the same things, she said "oh but that was when we were going out, it doesn't stay like that". I think that things can stay that way as long as people want them to. Just look what someone said the other day about old people they come in contact with through their work.
How many men have you spoken to that say their wife is nothing like the woman they married, and how many women have you spoken to that complain that their husband is the same old fool they married and never grew up?
Posted by: woodnwine at November 28, 2007 2:35 PM
notgodsgift & woodnwine: If you could roll both of your ideologies into one, you could find the perfect partner...
A good relationship can allow independence to continue, as the togetherness flourishes. In a good relationship, both parties can feel secure about the other party going off on a fishing trip or a girlie shopping weekend, and look forward to them coming home...it means that you can say "I just don't want to go out - see you tomorrow"...it means you can curl up comfortably with a book next to each other on the lounge and don't have to make a pretense about being together...and it means you can make up your own mind about what you want to eat,not forcing people to eat things they don't like... or know if you have enough money to buy a new car...without that "needy" approval...
notgodsgift: No, you don't have to be like Super & Glue...but sometimes it is nice just to know that the special person is just there with you...through the good and the bad and the boring...and the sponatenous times...
Posted by: hiddencharms at November 28, 2007 2:33 PM
Thanks notgodsgift (I almost wrote godsgift....hehehe) for sparking an interesting topic.
I agree with brilliantblue and what I think she may have been saying was in regards to a new relationship.
In a new relationship you are not worried or even thinking about whether your independence is going to be compromised or sitting there with your diary in hand booking in your own time out. You are way too busy getting to know each other and exploring who they are. You are excited to see each other; not wanting time out to be alone! These things happen when you meet the right person. Then hopefully as the relationship progresses you both become secure enough in the relationship to be able to have your time out and independence.
Posted by: misswendyxx at November 28, 2007 2:26 PM
brane: Re fotoman. I love it!
Posted by: hiddencharms at November 28, 2007 2:21 PM
Hi Guys,
The "women change, men dont" comment was absolutely said in all good intent, even though it reflects well on women but poorly on men.
As always, some men and women dont fit into this, but how many times do women say "he'll change" and men say "dont ever change". The problem though is that when each partner has a different perspective on what they want from the relationship (as Woodnwine says about his marriage), then you are headed for trouble. My marriage was sort of the same except that my ex grew into her character, but I remained the same old Bob - I dont blame her one iota, its the growth of women and the staidness of men (there were other issues, but this one didn't actually enhance the situation).
Thats why its good to meet someone and be up front in putting your cards on the table - who needs to find out about these incompatabilities a few months down the track?
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at November 28, 2007 2:16 PM
notgodsgift - this is a really interesting topic and one where it is hard to express your thoughts in a few words. You may have misinterpreted what I said earlier a little, although it does sound like you prefer more of your own space than I personally do.
Having lived by myself for many years, I really do value my own space and don't want to be at someone else's beck and call all the time or have them living in my pocket. I also want to be able to say no occassionally without feeling gulity.
However I have also lived with a woman who was so independant I continually asked her why she married me (or any one for that matter) as she wanted to do everything by herself and even when we were together there was no real feeling of being together.
So I do like to have plenty of valuable time with a partner but I also value my alone time as well - getting the balance right is the hard part.
I also touched on emotional and mental independance and by this I mean I like a woman who can think for herself. I don't like someone who has to rely on me all the time to do everything and doesn't have an opinion of her own - again it's a balance thing.
I liked what brilliantblue said and agree that if you are with the right person you don't feel trapped - you can be close without feeling like you have lost anything. I also liked what you said "women want men to change, but men dont. Men dont want women to change, but they do." I think you meant this in an honest way and not a nasty way and I agree with it.
This is a good discussion, let's try to get more viewpoints.
Posted by: woodnwine at November 28, 2007 1:44 PM
Notgodsgift,
I think I am on the same page as you.
I see my independence as having time to be on my own, or with my friends/family.
I don't want to live in anyone's pocket. You can still be deeply in love but not be together all the time. I find that smothering and it puts me off the person. I guess they do start looking a bit too needy and that is not attractive.
Posted by: istj54 at November 28, 2007 1:40 PM
Send me another kiss, you big GIG......you've got plenty of that left.
Kris Kristofferson's own version is probably the best....I'd fall in love with anyone who sang that song to me...
Posted by: istj54 at November 28, 2007 1:37 PM
notgodsgift - Well said, it's all about perspective and being on the same wavelength.
Posted by: jovial67 at November 28, 2007 1:21 PM
Hi BB,
I totally get what you are saying, but not necessarily correct. Ideally 2 "independent" people get together (lets say for agrument sake, you and I) because one of the attractions is their love of their independence. Knowing me (and I do know me very well), I will still want time for myself without you around, I am the same person. However, to me, you have changed, because you want to be with me more and more, but I dont want that, no matter what I feel for you. I now perceive you as being needy or clingy, but you dont see it that way at all because I am the guy for you and you dont see that being with me all of the time has any effect on your independence.
I guess the thing is that, unless both parties have the same viewpoint, you are heading for heartbreak
Maybe all it comes to one of the old life issues, that being; women want men to change, but men dont. Men dont want women to change, but they do. Sort of like meeting people; the ones you fancy dont fancy you and the ones that fancy you, you dont fancy them - life and relationships are tough to get right.
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at November 28, 2007 12:55 PM
Funlover...wishing both of you all the best...keep in touch via email!
Posted by: brilliantblue at November 28, 2007 12:48 PM
Maybe start putting on some kilo's to add to those bites and your megs might return Alphabetaphi!
Posted by: brilliantblue at November 28, 2007 12:45 PM
That's alright, lady. Someone stole my megs a long time ago and they refuse to return them
Posted by: alphabetaphi at November 28, 2007 12:41 PM
I think if you're with the right person....all the things that you normally feel fly out the door....your independence is not a big deal anymore as being with them does not make you feel like you have lost it, your running shoes are not kept by your side and time spent with them is always too short. You're not wondering whether you have or haven't spent enough time together, you just enjoy every moment!
Posted by: brilliantblue at November 28, 2007 12:31 PM
Istj54,
I agree completely, but I think that independence can be miscontrued (as Woodnwine says); it comes in many forms.
I think you and I agree on the form of which we are speaking and, dare I say, I think that this is the interpretation that most of us understand when we read "independent" on the profile.
Woodnwine,
Whilst not intending to malign you in any way, I see your form of independence as "needy" (ie you need to be with someone whether you are doing something or not), so you are not giving that other person their freedom, because you want them there with you, or you ith them.
Hey, maybe this is a good blog topic for discussion???
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at November 28, 2007 12:24 PM
notgodsgift - well said and I agree that beauty can definitely be in the eye of the beholder. istj54 - independance comes in many forms. A person can be independant but still want to spend quite a lot of time with you. Independance can be a state of mind as well as a physical presence. I like a woman who is physically with me a lot whilst retaining an emotional and mental independance. I also believe that some people can be in the same room as you but not really be with you, if you know what I mean.
Posted by: woodnwine at November 28, 2007 11:13 AM
AlphaBetaPhi,
Or should that be, NotSherlockHolmes?
My son has that same problem and, like all good conspiracy theorists, thinks that someone is stealing his megs.
It could just be an excuse for keeping me off his broadband, but he is carrying out tests to try his theory.
As we all know, no one should accuse or malign others until they have all the facts in.....
ISTJ54
LoraineR
Wishingandhoping2
Posted by: istj54 at November 28, 2007 10:32 AM
Notgodsgift,
My personal experience has been that guys are looking for independent women but as soon as they are attracted to you, they want you available to them 24/7.
They get irritated when you are not free.
A bit of a connundrum....but yet they can still be free to do as they wish, whenever they wish.....has to go both ways.
I agree about the looks thing. It is personal. I don't go for classic good looks, but I need to be attracted to something or it is not worth pursuing.
Has to be chemistry....I don't think this is shallow. It's human nature or even animal instinct. We want to mate with someone attractive to us.
Posted by: istj54 at November 28, 2007 9:51 AM
Hi All,
I think that we all have in our minds eye the type of person we are looking for, but it doesn't always work out that way. I think the only checklist we need is the one regarding character (personality traits), and I believe these are things that we should not compromise (ie if you dont like smokers, dont compromise, it wont work for you or them). Looks are something else; how many times do you walk down the street and see someone whose face just draws you to them like a magnet? They are not great beauties or anything like that, but there is just that cetain something...and you cant quite place it.
As much as we all like to think that we are not shallow (even slightly), we are; and looks do count for us; it is what we find attractive is the difference. I was recently told to check out a womans profile (by another woman), because she was beautiful; but when I looked, she did nothing for me...go figure.
Slightsynchronicity,
I was also thinking of a change to my "Ideal Partner" profile and having "Alive, or even just recently dead", but some people are a bit funny about that sort of stuff!!!
Graceandcharm and SecretK,
Dont know what the problem is there, you both should have guys knocking your doors down, though location can be a problem.
Maybe the problem for all of us older folk is that we are torn between want of a relationship and need for our independence, so we find reasons not to be attracted. I want beauty (my view that is) and brains but also someone independent....looking, looking, looking.
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at November 28, 2007 9:36 AM
What's worse than running out of women to love, or is that, to fall in love with (got to keep on topic)?
Running out of bandwidth for the month.
Boy where did those gigabytes go. Probably spent a woman promising her the world and then some more?
Posted by: alphabetaphi at November 28, 2007 9:31 AM
slightsynchronicity - I noticed your pic in my sidebar so clicked on it. Can I politely suggest that you post a better photo if you are finding it hard to attract someone as yours is very blurred? Just a suggestion as you are particular about asking for a good photo. I know you have a password protected photo that may be clearer but thought you may appreciate the comment. Have a good day.
Posted by: woodnwine at November 28, 2007 9:17 AM
The smell of lambs' fry makes my stomach churn, but bacon...I love it. I would eat it with anything...except lambs' fry.
Hot in Melbourne again, and a bit grey...the sweet talk will end soon thefotografer, you can bet on it!
Posted by: istj54 at November 28, 2007 9:11 AM
Hi funlovertoo - have fun when amuso arrives and we all wish you well. Maybe you can just drop in from time to time to say hi to all of us that are still looking. Enjoy.
Posted by: woodnwine at November 28, 2007 9:11 AM
Fotoman is unhidden for you but only till I get back
I don't like attracting kisses at the moment
Posted by: thefotografer at November 28, 2007 8:39 AM
Breakfast was going so well this morning until I read this blog,my stomach is really starting to turn,I think it is all the sickly sweet gooishness that I am wading
through that has overcome me.
Bugger this I will go to Newcastle today , sit and have coffee at Cafe De Beaumont and maybe some lambs fry and bacon for breakfast.
Anyone passing by around twelvish drop in and say g'day the lambs fry should be gone my then and I will buy you a juice or coffee as long as I can get away from this dribble for a few hours.
Posted by: thefotografer at November 28, 2007 8:38 AM
Good morning all.. ssicity.. I tried not putting much for partner requirements but it did not seem to make much difference. I think the guys take more notice of the picture and if you are not a bombshell then forget it. Perhaps we are all getting too particular in what we want! Should we settle for second best??
Posted by: mushie6 at November 28, 2007 8:11 AM
hi everyone, thinking of changing partner requirements to alive...and to cut all my words leaving about two lines on the whole thing. You don't want to know..it is very silly. Now I hope it is normal for me to be looking up alllll the bloggers pic. notice fotoman is hidden but wants to check on us. hmmmmmpf. later. oh and secretk u tell me what i am doing wrong
i am sposed to send a kiss back to these guys with 10 MG cars and 1 yacht but nothing to say...and go oh yeah email me????? have fun. Friends rock. Oh boys living at home....LOL...well ..i could put that...must not live with mum, but these days. oh dear...housing affordability crisis....play nicely everyone...i have to go away from computer : ( and go to the beach :(((( no its toooo much - LOL
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at November 28, 2007 7:30 AM
brane: loved the lyrics - how about this to add
"I lost myself on a cool damp night
Gave myself in that misty light
Was hypnotized by a strange delight
Under a lilac tree
I made wine from the lilac tree
Put my heart in its recipe
It makes me see what I want to see
and be what I want to be
When I think more than I want to think
Do things I never should do
I drink much more that I ought to drink
Because (it) brings me back you..."
Jeff Buckley
Lilac Wine
Posted by: secretk at November 28, 2007 7:28 AM
morning all, it is sunny in the kapital this morning. Luv the Elton John song.
we had a power outage last night. The teenager woke me at 3-00am to tell me his live games and the pc (desktop) had died, so I had to get up, find the torch, mobile phone and phone book to call ACTEW. They had on a recorded message, saying 3 suburbs were having problems, mine included. Fix time was 4-00am.
So he took my laptop, so he could play more games, while I went back to bed. But I slept in cause ACTEW don't reset the alarm clock for you!!!!bugger, am now later than what I normally am. Not a morning person at the best of times!!
Funlover and amuso, I wish you lots of luck and best wishes with your new life adventure.
See guys in dating land, it can happen!!
Have a lovely day all...jewels
Posted by: junebaby57 at November 28, 2007 7:27 AM
by the way ... morning brane
Posted by: secretk at November 28, 2007 7:11 AM
morning slightsynchronicity, sorry to have missed you last night. So this is what I am doing wrong. How about "must have own teeth" for my checklist? (lol).
I was contacted by someone who I think was very young and still living at home, which funnily enough didn't do it for me, so I guess that will be the first on my checklist "must be old enough to know better but still do it anyway".
My friends know about my profile and they love it. The hard part is stopping them from playing with it. Lots of laughs, though.
Posted by: secretk at November 28, 2007 7:11 AM
Thanks jovial67,I like your profile too,yes and shame about the distance...!!!
Posted by: graceandcharm at November 28, 2007 6:43 AM
Well done brane! Grey mist across the bay. Slashes of golden light.
A new dawn.
Lovely post about the grey seal.
My thoughts are currently 30,000 feet in the air - think that's the altitude planes fly at.
My attention is focused on 10.08am when I'll be at the station.
I have to say I'm going to vanish from the blogs by tomorrow.
It's been fun. Extremely entertaining and frustrating at times and it's been great getting to know people in the real and cyber worlds.
But as we know, or should know, the cyber world of people looking online for love can be very dangerous if you are trying to give a relationship your best shot.
While it's been flattering to have attention from a changing cast of cyber phantoms (no prizes for guessing who) I don't want that distraction any more.
Posted by: funlovertoo at November 28, 2007 6:16 AM
Well, for once I've beaten funlovertoo up. Let's start with the weather report. It's grey here. Boring grey. Looking at the dawn, it a grey dawn. The birds are singing so they must like grey, easily pleased, if you ask me.
So its too grey for poetry and I'm off to the gym to stop myself getting too fat from giving up smoking.
But maybe some Elton John lyrics would be nice. Something grey perhaps....
Grey Seal
Music by elton john
Lyrics by bernie taupin
Released as a uk b-side in june, 1970
Available on the album goodbye yellow brick road
Whys it never light on my lawn
Why does it rain and never say good-day to the new-born
On the big screen they showed us the sun
But not as bright in life as the real one
Its never quite the same as the real one
And tell me grey seal
How does it feel
To be so wise
To see through eyes
That only see whats real
Tell me grey seal
I never learned why meteors were formed
I only farmed in schools that were so warn and torn
If anyone can cry then so can i
I read books and draw life from the eye
All my life is drawings from the eye
Your mission bells were wrought by ancient men
The roots were formed by twisted roots
Your roots were twisted then
I was re-born before all life could die
The phoenix bird will leave this world to fly
If the phoenix bird can fly then so can i
Good Morning , Have a nice day, and if its grey where you are add some colour somehow, fall in love if you get the chance, that should do it.
Posted by: brane at November 28, 2007 5:57 AM
graceandcharm, nice profile! If we didn't live so far away from each other, I would have sent you a kiss!
Posted by: jovial67 at November 27, 2007 11:55 PM
Used to fall in love at the drop of the hat, was more a lust thing, now i exercise extreme caution, although if the women blows me away withn chemistry im goooooneeeee.
Posted by: nokidn at November 27, 2007 11:40 PM
Oxytocin is also released during childbirth - it causes all those EXTREMELY painful contractions to occur - which at that point some women are more likely to be wanting to kill their partner than having "loving feelings" towards them.
Posted by: misswendyxx at November 27, 2007 10:59 PM
system locked me out...ha ha
hi secretk, well it is like a checklist in the back of my mind...not real. And I was agreeing with jovial67 I think. For me I think checklist = cop out. Age is not an issue, but height like I think I should go out with someone my height or taller. Just something I noticed while out with friends including male. Even if there is a bit of chemistry...I have a thing for average to slightly fit or fit guys...but not overfit and not really really slim. But buff is Ok. But gym junkies well they spend all their time at the gym therefore would not have time for me (I think..what would I know?)So I am biased. It is ridiculous though and surely reduces the chances of finding someone. Hair colour etc dont really matter...eyes..yes I like them. Facial hair or not, not an issue. Non smoker is pretty well a given but Adelaide has an alleged man drought so I could be tempted by "trying to quit" ???You know but I like a certain type of humour, intellect. I just know what I like but they often don't like me. So hey. Am trying not to have expectations. No I do not go round with a list in my pocket ha ha. Having this ideal maybe allows me to be a coward and say well they are not the build I go for or something like that. An excuse not to go for it. Sorry if this offends anyone. I have become aware of it recently, like this weekend out with a group of male and female friends. So I would not recommend using any kind of list. LOL. The ideal partner profile does the job anyway. Oh and my friends disagree with any age range i put up. LOL. Have changed it recently due to pressure from non RSVP friends. I am open minded. Last time I was on, I put 30 to i cant remember for age. The flack I got. I am 44. My son said it was sick...............zzzzzzzzzzzzz sorry
So until recently I had 36-46 as ideal age range. 53year old male friends said i was ageist. Any kind of strict criteria is an excuse not to go out of my comfort zone. Oh and I have to also say that my Interests coincide scarily with aphabetis on his profile.... I think except for the medication. wheres datingexpert? Help! (kidding) hope you have fun on here secretk : )Planning to overhaul some of my profile re ideal partner...did a bit the other day zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
oh so i also have to watch the oxytonin tommorrow istj54! Sorry to write so much.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at November 27, 2007 10:59 PM
We both make oxytocin and can be both as bad as each other. Though I have seen the rough end of an oxytocin rush!
Posted by: thecannulator at November 27, 2007 10:33 PM
Thecannulator,
Oxytocin is the reason why women should never rush into a physical relationship too soon...forms very quick attachment to mate...it can be the very reason why some women fall in love so fast...it's all purely chemical and not based on more lasting factors like common interests, humour, blah, blah, blah.
You can come down with a thud when it wears off, or be pleasantly surprised.
Posted by: istj54 at November 27, 2007 10:25 PM
hi all; i'm a first timer so excuse me for butting in; thought i would comment on the thought that we don't let ourselves fall in love..i think it's a survival thing when we meet someone, and while you may feel a connection, you hold back for whatever reason.wheather that's because we've been hurt before or wonder if we can trust our instints again.
but to not take a chance would be taking a sword to our heart. to live is to love
Posted by: nicki003 at November 27, 2007 10:22 PM
You make it sound like a bad thing, "falling in love too easily". As a guy, I can't think of a stronger motivating force than that of love/lust/infatuation (whatever you want to call it). It keeps you going when you've got it, and you feel empty when you've lost it. Love, chemistry, call it what you will, but you'll never control it.
Posted by: hotactguy27 at November 27, 2007 10:17 PM
hi slightsynchronicity - do you really have a checklist? I don't. I came onto this site completely open minded and thought, well ... I will see what happens ... Thinking about it, maybe a checklist is a good idea (lol)
Posted by: secretk at November 27, 2007 10:11 PM
dolphin64 yes that is spot on, in a nutshell. I've composed myself enough now.
getthemostoutoflife...Yes there has to be a connection and love is not something to take lightly. We have to allow ourselves to love i agree. Fear is a big barrier definately. So having no expectations could help get rid of the checklist mentality also. I have a checklist which is silly. xmenic, definately to be able to accept that pain and loss occurs in all relationships eventually and still go for it. goofyoptimist yep it is real easy as we get older to attract potential partners, not. brane, definately sometimes its best not to go there...but you have to weigh it up and those pheromones and things take over dont they. Or a song starts playing. 5 years I have been looking at my "checklist" also (as you say jovial67) and it is ridiculous of me(?) Making my self go on an outing tommorrow (not an actual date I don't think but with a guy)
The whole thing is confusing really. Start as friends or fall headlong. Not thinking too much maybe. Oh thefotographer...I had to think for ages for my name. U need a new one?
malsie thanks i believe you answered my question the other night. Appreciated. I understand your post, the dream is nice but ya want something to last a lifetime hopefully. A friend told me that when you don't look for love it can happen. Are we in love with the idea of love (I have no idea BTW) wheres datingexpert?
imdoingit's dream is good, it must be possible, lets be glass half full people...good luck everyone.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at November 27, 2007 10:08 PM
to the fotografer: "I leave for six hours and all these new bloggers appear." - somehow I (and I presume others) managed to get past the site owner and are allowed to blog! So hello.
Posted by: secretk at November 27, 2007 10:05 PM
hi malsie and hello brane. Malsie, I think the concept of love is perhaps different for everyone. I don't just see falling in love as the initial giddines and weak knees (though that is wonderful too). For me it is about finding someone that you can trust to reveal yourself to and trust implicity. For me that is wonderful and I will never be too "careful" so that the chance to find that someone passes me by.
Posted by: secretk at November 27, 2007 10:02 PM
Is it just the Dopamine and Oxytocin? (They wear down eventually). I think the older I get the more I can see past the rush though I'm probably still unaware of the 'big one'!
The initially hormone rush that supports the attraction unfathomably is pretty darn good. But do you become like the druggy searching for the rush?
I went from what I decided was the crush to maybe some sort of infatuation (according to the callous ones) about a workmate. The tears on my face spotted by a woman who cared had her understanding me completely.
'She' lights up when you enter the room; you light up when she does. You're in love with her she said.
She'll never feel the same way after nearly two years we still work together and its interesting to watch my feelings-if someone asked me now why I care so much it's just that she just makes me happy-unquestionably.
And that's enough...
Posted by: thecannulator at November 27, 2007 9:56 PM
@ grace and charm- well said (both posts!).....if I live to a ripe old age I want to hold hands with my love, sleep beside her in the same bed and know I still love her when I look into her eyes...........but hold up! first things first.......this boy has a lot of living and loving before I walk that path!......where is my love?.....you walk the earth as I post and I look forward to the day we meet and the moment we fall in love.......until then....IMANENIGMA
Posted by: imanenigma at November 27, 2007 9:40 PM
junebaby: Play Misty For Me....!!!
Posted by: hiddencharms at November 27, 2007 9:30 PM
malsie and amdoingit agree with both your thoughts on falling in love...and it will happen, I'm a believer!!!!!
and songs, as they keep popping up...the first time ever I saw your face.......
have a lovely evening all. Gotta go, just found out that grey's anatomy is back on tonite....jewels
Posted by: junebaby57 at November 27, 2007 9:29 PM
Youv'e been approved graceandcharm
now get on with it and blog your brains out.............nice dog .
Posted by: thefotografer at November 27, 2007 9:23 PM
Did we need your permission Mr fotografer?!
Posted by: graceandcharm at November 27, 2007 9:03 PM
Looks like the usual suspects ....and Oh lorainer ! stick the new photo up
You look a lot better, I will crop it for you.
Posted by: thefotografer at November 27, 2007 9:01 PM
OLDE, the summer loving one's closed, but this is still on topic, sort of, I think (amazingly!) - I understand what you were saying about the friendship thing with women, and obviously you wouldn't want to hang around for too long hoping for an attraction if things weren't going that way - but things can change from friendship to the physical/romantic. I've known it to happen myself with an ex partner, and it turned out to be one of my most significant relationships.
Nothing is set in stone, is all I'm saying, and I continue to wish you well and hope the young Sydney women are waking up to themselves a bit and discovering you.
Posted by: malsie at November 27, 2007 8:57 PM
notgodsgift@1.43pm.. Interesting post Bob.. could be right ... Worth a thought...
Posted by: amdoingit at November 27, 2007 8:40 PM
Hey Malsie, words of wisdom as usual... What can I say...
See you on the weekend!!! "G"
Posted by: amdoingit at November 27, 2007 8:36 PM
Can't answer this question as there's not too many opportunities for one of my age... Bugger...
Would like to think I could still get that gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach when "My" man (when I find you) walks towards me, that my knees would still turn to jelly when he winked or smiled at me and that I would be oblivious to my surroundings when he wrapped his arms around me... Yep, a total romantic.. Sigh..
It will happen one day, I'm a supreme optimist and IT WILLLLL.... "G"
Posted by: amdoingit at November 27, 2007 8:33 PM
secretk, yeah, the "in love" thing feels wonderful, I agree - it can transport you into a world of your own... that's my problem with it, it is a world of your own illusion, not based on any reality; just projection of the "perfect person", all your hopes ,wishes and dreams and fantasy, pure fantasy. I think it's a genetic trick to get people to get together long enough to make babies (whether or not they're actually in the age bracket or wishing to do so).
I still get all excited in a new relationship with all the newness, emails and texts, and loving stuff, with a head full of "the love interest", and all that, but I try to temper it with a bit of reality, purely because the waking up from the dream part is such a bummer! But a deepening love based on reality really is more my idea of what I like.
Perhaps waterbombe explained it more succinctly - I agree with her post entirely! It's not meant to be being a killjoy - for anyone "in love" I truly hope you have a wonderful time.
Posted by: malsie at November 27, 2007 8:29 PM
graceandcharm - my parents are 77 and 89 and still besotted with and totally devoted to each other after 54 years. Hope to find that sort of relationship for myself one day !!
brane - how right you are !! Took me 21 years to get up the courage to jump off my train wreck !!
Posted by: jenjen57 at November 27, 2007 8:15 PM
Sometimes it just doesn't work in the long run, it's never going to and you are merely deluding your self as everyone else but you can see the obvious. If you're on a train wreck waiting to happen, jump off.
Posted by: brane at November 27, 2007 7:54 PM
To Graceandcharm... your comment on our 'disposable society' really hits it. Divorces come easily, we even change jobs more frequently than previous generations (just this morning I heard that's the main reason Gen Y'ers are less desireable as employees). Too many people aren't willing to commit to the 'hard yards' or conflict resolution, despite the amazing growth and bonds that can grow from it. It's too easy to run away and cry 'next'.
Posted by: xmenic at November 27, 2007 7:16 PM
I think people fall in "lust" more often than they fall in love.I think true love is reasonably rare but occasionally during the course of my day at work I may encounter a couple(I work with alot of elderly folk) who make me think,wow I wish I could have that connection at their age,and I am given a glimpse of hope for my own future.These elderly couples really stand out as having such care and respect for each other,despite being married for 60 plus odd years,and the odd few walk out hand in hand out of my clinic!We live in such a disposable society that I think we also expect true love to come to us in an instant as well.I think it is worth waiting for.In the meantime we were put on this earth to enjoy life,single or not,so let's all make the most of it I say!!
Posted by: graceandcharm at November 27, 2007 7:03 PM
Hi all, my 2 cents... growing older does change you in this respect. We all know of the dark side of loving, and that can make us more cautious, but still I think it's an innate quality of females to still believe in the fairy-tale. All I reckon at this point is that no matter how much love has hurt int he past, you can't be afraid to go there again. If you know you're strong enough to handle the potential pain (yeah it sucks for a while, but unless you tie your self-worth up in him, you get past it easily), then you're more open to love. Getting older also means a deeper relationship with yourself and more love and respect for yourself (if you're lucky) which raises your standards for those you let close to you. I do believe though that some would read that as 'too hard', whereas others would believe they're 'good enough' and 'up to the challenge' and they're the ones you want. Someone who (also) believes they're worth the best.
Posted by: xmenic at November 27, 2007 6:18 PM
I agree. Its pretty easy to be physically attracted to someone but its hard to sustain that attraction through the years as you grow old, saggy and grey. Lols!
Posted by: goofyoptimist at November 27, 2007 6:13 PM
I think that we can fall IN love, or maybe lust, very quickly, but the trick is to keep it going on a slow burning flame to last a lifetime.....dream on!
Posted by: istj54 at November 27, 2007 5:50 PM
Jovial67,When you least expect it ,it will happen.....and your checklist won't even be a consideration. I think sometimes it can just sneak up on you,and part of the problem is that some of us want it soooo much that it clouds the possibilities. Maybe put it on the backburner, meet people with no expectations that they may or may not be THE one.Wait and see and more than likely you will get bitten by the "love" bug when you least expect it.
Posted by: dolphin46 at November 27, 2007 5:47 PM
age isnt really a problem as there are lots of people in most age groups, but as we get older we get pickier......i think
Posted by: twoeyes at November 27, 2007 5:00 PM
Generally I must say I do tend to fall in love too easily but it sure is hard finding someone to fall in love with. I don't know the answer about whether it is easier or harder as you get older, probably harder due to reduced possibilities.
Posted by: woodnwine at November 27, 2007 4:32 PM
I can relate to getthemostoutoflife's post, particularly when it comes to her 2 main points. 1) Fear. 2) Allowing yourself to fall in love.
Falling in love is a wonderful thought. For me however, I let my checklist get in the way as well as the fear factor. What if they are not the one and you end up going through another messy break-up? Due to these reasons, I've had no problem meeting women from this site (I stopped counting at 20), but as yet, I haven't found one who really makes me go all gooey inside. The frustrating thing is, it would be WONDERFUL for that to happen.
Posted by: jovial67 at November 27, 2007 4:30 PM
Hi All,
Interesting topic. I think that men are more likely to fall in lust.....then get over it, whereas women are more likely to fall in love...and suffer badly (but not always).
The reason I say this is that women tend to be more creative, but men tend to be logical.
To me, this comes back to that old chestnut "the soulmate". Few people find someone that could be truly defined as a soulmate (my definition of a soulmate is someone with whom the connection is so strong that we cannot live without them), the rest of us find someone for whom we have a deep affection, and that is enough.
I have loved, but cant really say that I have been truly "in love" with anyone, sadly even my ex during the good times, but I can certainly say that I have been "in lust" plenty of times, and sometimes that can sustain a relationship (though there still needs to be other emotional connection too).
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at November 27, 2007 1:43 PM
This has been a big dilemma for me. Allowing myself to fall in love, which isn't an easy feat especially when we meet someone great, and we think they'd be perfect for us-they think we're perfect-but then..for some reason..you don't fall in love with that person and all the "allowing" in the world won't make it happen. Which sucks. Then we meet someone who totally blows us away unexpectidly (pardon my bad grammer and spelling) and we fall head over heels in love with them and we couldn't stop ourselves even if we try. Fear can confuse EVERYTHING. Fear of falling-fear of NOT falling..we can hope we fall for someone we "think" is everything we're looking for on paper, but unfortunatly, it doesn't always match the chemistry needed to make everything go together-just the way we want it too. Definatly as you get older, you do get more careful. Wants, needs, the numbers and expectations change. I've learnt not to expect a relationship out of meeting someone and just to allow it to be what ever it's meant to be, and appreciate that. At the same time, my standards for which I allow people to treat me are higher. I don't take falling in love lightly. If you can fall in love, and it's returned, it's the best feeling in the world.
Posted by: getthemostoutoflife at November 27, 2007 1:41 PM
woodnwine: Loved your comment. My tissues and I are trying to giggle...
Posted by: hiddencharms at November 27, 2007 1:40 PM
BB...Hi...
Good to see you back.
Posted by: hiddencharms at November 27, 2007 1:29 PM
Hi Dolphin46...you're absolutely spot on with your blog...couldn't agree more!
Posted by: brilliantblue at November 27, 2007 12:21 PM
falling in love again................
song there. yes it does happen to me but but not every time.
love the feeling and sensations that come with it.
would like to feel that way again............
Posted by: twoeyes at November 27, 2007 11:36 AM
Hi BB glad to see you back, wondered where you had been. My thoughts on this topic...where do i start?
I don't believe we let ourselves fall in love, it just happens whether you want it or not, there is no control it all just feels right.From the big smile when you get a text message from that special one,to the anticipation of seeing them. I can remember counting down the minutes until we were together again and wishing the minutes would go faster while waiting, and then wishing the minutes would go slower while together.
secretk is right, its not a race hopefully its something that happens to both at the same time. Thats the hard part, but I still have a hope that one day i will be counting the minutes again while waiting to see that special some one.
Keep the poems coming Brane they are very uplifting.
Posted by: dolphin46 at November 27, 2007 11:03 AM
Yay secretk, it is a great feeling to make it to a blog - took me 2 weeks or so also. Oh and I even posted to say anyone from interstate should think about the Womadelaide music festival. (Subject to taste) Music festivals could be an opportunity to meet people. It is in the Botanic Park,3 nights and 2 or 3 days. Will post date L8er. Oh and I am looking at bloggers profiles to put a face to the name. Feels a bit odd. Wishing you all have the heart fluttering feeling sometime. Nice thought jovial67. Oh and the poems are so moving brane and others.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at November 27, 2007 9:21 AM
May we all find a little love today. I am off to work (sigh) (just as I finally get let in - oh well). Loved the poem brane.
Hopefully the site owner will disappear and let me in again. Fingers crossed.
Posted by: secretk at November 27, 2007 8:31 AM
Hello Brane
Posted by: secretk at November 27, 2007 8:30 AM
brane, that is exactly what I want, such a true poem for what we are all looking for...have a gr8 day...jewels
Posted by: junebaby57 at November 27, 2007 8:28 AM
The Song in Tune
Do you see so far and wide and clear
To cherish what you value dear
'Cause short term schemes soon disappear
Do you seek the strength that strong love brings
The long term bonds, the truth of rings
For two to sing the song in tune
And love and laugh and share the moon.
1983
Posted by: brane at November 27, 2007 8:25 AM
Thanks Secretk....of to work now so catch up later....Hiddenscharms been missing your funny comments....you always made laugh!
Posted by: brilliantblue at November 27, 2007 8:24 AM
Whilst I am here, I am going for broke. On today's topic:
1. It is okay to fall in love anytime.
2. Who knows who falls first? Is it a race?
3. Hopefully.
4. Hopefull not.
Posted by: secretk at November 27, 2007 8:22 AM
BB it is great to chat to you again.
Posted by: secretk at November 27, 2007 8:19 AM
Thats great....been off the blogs for a while, just got a bit fed up with some of the nutters on here that appeared to take over the blogs with their long ramblings about nothing!
Good to see some real people back on!
Posted by: brilliantblue at November 27, 2007 8:15 AM
Hello BB - finally. Being able to read but not participate has been frustrating. Don't know how I got through .... but ... yipppee
Posted by: secretk at November 27, 2007 8:11 AM
Hi Secretk...great to see you finally got on to the blogs!
Posted by: brilliantblue at November 27, 2007 8:07 AM
Whilst I am here I may as well take the advantage -
Q. I am continually hearing from men that contact me "I have been burnt ... I can't fall in love again". Love is beautiful. Why let the past hold back your future? I have loved and (hopefully) been loved. It is so different to what I thought it would be. Why would someone out there is rsvp land not want to try and find that?
Posted by: secretk at November 27, 2007 8:04 AM
Hello BB - I was lucky I experienced it once and am so willing to experience it again. I guess it why we are all here
Posted by: secretk at November 27, 2007 7:57 AM
I too am with jovial67. I don't want to "grow up" and be careful.
Posted by: secretk at November 27, 2007 7:55 AM
Once you have really fallen in love - felt that incredible feeling, the same feeling when that person walks in the room after 4yrs of being together - you're not willing to settle for anything less.
You're lucky to have experienced it once in your life!
You never forget it!
Posted by: brilliantblue at November 27, 2007 7:55 AM
I am with you jovial67, it will happen one day.......just a shame it is bloody taking a long time!!!!
Seriously, that is basically why we are all here, looking for someone, we just all have a different criteria on what makes up our "someone".
I want the chemistry, spark, and the mental and physical connection, a big ask, but I am still a believer!!!
Have a gr8 day all...jewels
Posted by: junebaby57 at November 27, 2007 7:38 AM
"There" means Brisbane. But this time and this time only. Hereafter "there" always means Melbourne.
Posted by: waterbombe at November 27, 2007 7:36 AM
woo jovial67 that rang a bell for me. Well said! Any young Queensland woman who ignores you needs her head read! Let's think a moment...Queensland...that is where Brisbane is, isn't it? I'm a quilter from Melbourne which is the centre of the universe as far as I'm concerned. Did you know there is a Blogger's meeting there this Friday night? Woodnwine would have the details.
Posted by: waterbombe at November 27, 2007 7:35 AM
At this present moment I am not even sure I believe in love- not for me anyway. I suppose I fall for a man too quickly believing that surely out there there is romance and love for me. So I end up hurt.
I will try to keep some of my usual optimism- tonight I am not feeling it.
Posted by: karenchocolat at November 26, 2007 11:43 PM
I would love to have that feeling where even a text message from your love interest makes your heart flutter. Where their idiosyncrasies drive you crazy with adoration. One day, one day...
Posted by: jovial67 at November 26, 2007 11:39 PM
Ok photographer, I will read Dating for Dummies, Online Dating for Dummies and seraphsuzie thanks for reminding me to watch the Notebook. Well I have a crush on Clive Owen.
I know falling in love happens to other people...it sounds nice. I have been "in love" a couple of times and hurt of course. I aim for the deeper love that comes from commitment and being there for each other when the honeymoon feeling wears off. Maybe it is attraction-infatuation and then it has to be real special to progress to real intimacy and "love". Its bittersweet I guess. Arranged marriages seem so sensible but I hope for a soul connection, spark. The chemistry wears off I think. I am a bit cynical now though and yes unrequited love is easier.
Posted by: slightsynchronicity at November 26, 2007 11:32 PM
Apparently not, that's why we're still here.
Or maybe - apparently, that's why we're back here.
Posted by: woodnwine at November 26, 2007 11:22 PM
no they won't do me any good fotografer, I've had a romanticectomy. I think falling in love is an illusion. I think love grows bit by bit and becomes stronger with time...quite often it turns an unexpected corner, you know like when you find your love interest spent those 4 missing years on his CV in maximum security ... then love diminishes. Or withers, that's a more accurate word. I haven't been in love, but I have loved and been loved, and that was really worth having.
Posted by: waterbombe at November 26, 2007 10:22 PM
Wraecca, I am with you I wouldn't change a thing. Being in love is a beautiful learning thing.
Posted by: secretk at November 26, 2007 10:05 PM
Malsie: being "in love" is all a part of it ... a wonderful part of it ... but is not love. Why would you want to do away with the giddy feeling and avoid that "in love" feeling. Love is so much more but the initial stages are wonderful too!
Posted by: secretk at November 26, 2007 10:02 PM
I have been in love once in my life. The feeling is liberating. Love is not what I thought it would be. It is about loving someone with their flaws.
Do we learn as we get older? Of course not. Why would we want to?
That is the biggest thing I have noticed about rsvp. The guys I meet have all "been burnt" and can't (or wont) commit again to that level, they won't take the risk. Without the risk there is no gain, without love what is the point? I would hate to become more careful. Knowledgeable in myself, yes, but I don't want to be so wary as to let love pass me by.
Posted by: secretk at November 26, 2007 9:57 PM
Falling in love or falling for the attention.
When you don't get it you crave it, when it arrives it aint necessarily what you were after....what a paradox
Posted by: thecannulator at November 26, 2007 9:34 PM
For me the "in love" phase is so much full of illusion that inevitably you wake up out of, frequently feeling totally "disillusioned", and I hate that part. So, no, I attempt to avoid that "in love" feeling, maintain some sanity and balance, and enjoy the deepening love that's based more on realistic expectations and understanding of each other - warts and all.
I know "in love" is very compelling and feels delicious, but I find the coming down to earth bit just too painful and the whole exercise pointless, so have learnt to become far more pragmatic, much less "romantic"....
Posted by: malsie at November 26, 2007 8:39 PM
No.
Posted by: waterbombe at November 26, 2007 8:18 PM
takes a lot to get me there. Once there am fiercely loyal and the ending hurts deeply.
Posted by: whatcomesnext at November 26, 2007 8:08 PM
Falling in love? Well being more mature I am unsure of what it means. Having been married twice and never totally in love I wonder
Posted by: mainland at November 26, 2007 7:05 PM
I can help you AuntyKaz.
One of my self help Cd's deal's with Unrequitted love
Posted by: thefotografer at November 26, 2007 7:05 PM
I fell in love instantly with Brad Pitt.....who wouldn't......
Have loved him for years but sadly he is too busy with some chick called Angelina.....oh well .....unrequited love.....sigh.....................K
Posted by: auntykaz at November 26, 2007 6:54 PM
I don't fall in love too easily .
I might be drawn to another
but not fall in love .
I haven't been there
for a longgggggggg time .
Posted by: kittyspirit at November 26, 2007 6:45 PM
I fall in lust or a crush I think.. I don't really think I have ever fallen completely in love with someone.. Not to the point of giving everything I am to someone. I do fall pretty fast into a crush though.. been hurt a lot.. but I am still here...as the saying goes.. "Better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all'
I watched the Notebook on Friday night.. and it was the most beautiful movie I have ever seen.. I want that love... enduring ... through everything.. not perfect, lots of flaws.. but still passionate wonderful eternal love... 'sigh'
Posted by: seraphsuzie at November 26, 2007 6:40 PM
Oh, Junebaby57, I have found that I have only fallen head-over-heels twice in my life. I thought I had fallen in love one other time as well, but I was mistaken. It was, in fact, one of the worst mistakes I ever made in my life.
However, the other 2 times, it has been a deeper emotion, calmer even, than that whole 'ohmigodohmigodohmigod' rushing through my veins. I also don't regret those other 2 times.
Posted by: wraecca at November 26, 2007 6:15 PM
well said Wraecca, we do need more love in our lives. And yes I fall in and also out of love frequently.
But not true love. My heart is precious and not many will get to close to it unless they are really, really special. (or brad lol..)
Have a lovely evening...jewels
Posted by: junebaby57 at November 26, 2007 5:23 PM
I tend to fall hard and fast when I fall in love. This can cause no end of pain and misery, but it can also be one of the most beautiful, exciting, exhilarating and special times in my life.
I wouldn't change it for the world.
There is too much hatred in this world as it is. We need to have more love, more sharing, more giving.
Posted by: wraecca at November 26, 2007 4:44 PM
A new blog topic for us to get our teeth into.........
Posted by: jenjen57 at November 26, 2007 4:30 PM
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