RSVP Blog
No room for spontaneity?
How can we introduce a little spontaneity into how people meet online?
Offline, people can meet in spontaneous ways... at the bus stop, in a gallery, and many other places. Online, sites like RSVP offer search screens and profile matches. Is visiting a site such as RSVP like visiting the relationship doctor for a 'check up', and is that a good thing?
What do you think? Would you prefer to trust to serendipity in the real world, or do you prefer the search engines? How could RSVP bring a little spontaneity into your online search?
Posted by July 20, 2007 10:47 AM
Latest Comments
I think that this system is not helping at all the spontaneity, cuz u hav to wait for rsvp replays, and u cant really chat with the other person. In my case, ur syst cant seel stamps, so how am i supposed to talks with ppl that is trying to contact me, when i cant send emails or nothing this way. and also u take 2 days in sending my info to them. so i think u should release the stamp, obstacule, and find another way to contribute to the spontaneity of chat
Posted by: NTVG at September 7, 2007 3:59 PM
SnowSilence....
Great ideas you have put forward, particularly keyword search.... That would suggest quite a cutting edge & dynamic service, not quite up to RSVP's speed.
Posted by: TrumansCat at September 7, 2007 11:41 AM
How about jumping off a cliff? That would be spontaneous.
Posted by: woodnwine at September 7, 2007 9:36 AM
hmmm Sandman1976 so does the not judging a book by its cover ...mean the body as well as the face? Because I checked your profile out and you only want a slim, athletic or average girl, what happened to a bit overweight or large-ish? Not quite fit into what your ideal of inner and outer beauty huh? Typical!
Posted by: SeraphSuzie at September 6, 2007 11:56 PM
Trying to introduce spontaneity won't make a lick of difference. Reason being, people on dating sites judge you upon face value. You could be the nicest, most down to earth person on the planet, and they won't even bother to give you the time of day if you're not some kind of pin up model. It's absurd that people are so judgemental and materialistic these days when it comes to looking for someone. Trust me, the better looking someone is, the WORSE they WILL treat YOU!!!
So my answer to bringing a little spontaneity into RSVP, get rid of photos!!! A dating site is supposed to be the one place where you can get to know someone that little bit further by chatting to them, and finding what they are like and the majority of people on here don't even give you, let alone themselves, the opportunity to chat with someone wonderful. They prefer to go solely on looks. To prove this, a couple of months ago, i paid a small fortune in the hope of atleast chatting with or possibly meeting someone nice, so i sent a total of 435 kisses (all to different people) and only got 37 replies to those kisses. And guess what, each one of them was a rejection. So i tried emailing some people whom i thought were ineresting, a total of 24 and each reply was a rejection. Same with the chat scenario.
Now having said all of that, i am not ugly, not at all. I might not be extremly attractive or what people would call 'Hot', but i certainly know how to treat someone with respect. It's whats on the inside that counts. I much prefer the inner beauty as opposed to outer beauty. So my message to all the materialistic and judgemental people out there - GROW UP!!!
You should never judge a book by its cover - you might just miss out on the best book ever!!!
Posted by: Sandman1976 at September 5, 2007 8:58 PM
I think a way to generate spontaneity would be to hyperlink keywords in people's profiles, like they do in Blogger.
ie. if you have Nick Cave listed under your music interests, that is turned into a hyperlink by the system. When you click on the hyperlink, you get a list of all the RSVP visible profiles who also like Nick Cave, and you can browse those profiles, and perhaps meet someone else who likes your favourite band, book, film, sporting activity, etc.
This works particularly well if you have some obscure favourite. Imagine finding a person (male or female), who was also into that particular interest? You might conceivably hit it off right away, just based on a shared obsession with Tarkovsky's "The Stalker", or "Led Zeppelin III" (for example).
The other thing I miss on RSVP is the ability to do a keyword search, and find profiles that mention the word "meditation" (not necessarily in the interests section, but perhaps in the body of the profile).
The current search is very limiting IMO. I either get 2 matches, or several hundred that I have to wade through. Having a keyword search to refine the several hundred would be very useful.
Just my 2 cents.
Posted by: SnowSilence at September 3, 2007 7:58 PM
You know I kinda prefer the term 'spontaneous combustion'...which is what you think will happen to you when you kiss someone for the very first time...the long, slow, lingering type of kiss, that tingles and warms you from head to toe and all the good bits in-between ;-) hehe
* Posted by: SeraphSuzie at August 30, 2007 6:21 PM
yummy have been there but not for a long time...........(thanks for the memories....)
Wishingandhoping - It is a problem isn't it, knowing whether to be spontaneous or not? They say when you are dying it's the things you didn't do that you will regret not the things you did. So true but knowing this doesn't always make us braver does it?
* Posted by: woodnwine at August 27, 2007 11:00 PM
SPEAK THE TRUTH AND SHAME THE DEVIL.........never have any regrets.
A little story for you; In 1999 I had to return to NZ from whence i came, ( please no sheep jokes), to see my mother who was in hospital. I spent 12 days with her. She was 86, but very alert and cognitive, but tired. We spoke about all that had happened in my lifetime, laughed and cried, and had a wonderful time. She had buried 2 husbands and 1 unborn child, wasnt bitter nor resentful I made my peace with her and she with me, and i parted and came back to oz knowing that i would never see her again, but it was ok, and i have never regretted telling her everything i could. She was a very hard mother, strict but fair, and she alway told me that she only ever slapped me cos she loved me.
They say when you are dying it's the things you didn't do that you will regret not the things you did. So true but knowing this doesn't always make us braver does it?
SO VERY VERY TRUE
Posted by: TwoEyes at August 31, 2007 4:21 AM
You know I kinda prefer the term 'spontaneous combustion'...which is what you think will happen to you when you kiss someone for the very first time...the long, slow, lingering type of kiss, that tingles and warms you from head to toe and all the good bits in-between ;-) hehe
Posted by: SeraphSuzie at August 30, 2007 6:21 PM
Wishingandhoping - It is a problem isn't it, knowing whether to be sponaneous or not? They say when you are dying it's the things you didn't do that you will regret not the things you did. So true but knowing this doesn't always make us braver does it?
Posted by: woodnwine at August 27, 2007 11:00 PM
Spontaneity for me is to get out there and meet them, safely, as quickly as possible in real time, in real life......the real person!
Why build up a sometimes imaginary relationship online for weeks...doesn't make it any safer for you. In fact less safe as they can be whoever you want them to be online. It's harder to do that in person.
Posted by: Wishingandhoping at August 26, 2007 9:37 AM
Woodnwine,
I agree wholeheartedly, especially re the blogs.
I laid myself open by telling my story on another blog and was held up for inspection, not criticism in any shape or form. I guess I was highlighted. I found this totally embarrassing and have since changed my RSVP name because of this.
Also, in real life, I find it hard to bare my feelings for the same reasons as you, but sometimes wonder if I shouldn't just go for it. The other person could well be feeling just the same and we have both missed something special in our lives because we didn't want to be embarrassed. Worth thinking about next time.
And, oh, I am wishingandhoping to have that feeling again!!
We may have both
Posted by: Wishingandhoping at August 25, 2007 8:56 AM
TwoEyes
I tend to be on your side on this and agree that whilst RSVP needs to make money out of this site, they could listen and impliment some of the things many of us are asking for without hurting their bottom line - and maybe it would even improve it. A win win situation.
Liked your comments about making a difference - peace to everyone and have a fantastic weekend.
Posted by: woodnwine at August 24, 2007 10:59 AM
HEYBLOGALUGS; August 23, 2007 1:26 PM.......
I DONT THINK THE WORLD OR RSVP OWES ME ANYTHING, JUST THE SAME AS I DONT OWE ANYBODY ANYTHING EITHER.
I WAS STATING AN OPINION THAT MAYBE IF THE POWERS THAT B WERE REALLY TRYING TO MAKE THIS SITE A NICER AND BETTER PLACE, AND ONE THAT WAS MORE CONDUCIVE TO ENCOURAGING PEOPLE TO JOIN THEN MAYBE SOME SORT OF REWARD SYSTEM SHOULD BE PUT IN PLACE TO ENCOURAGE PEOPLE TO STAY LONGER AND NOT GET DISHEARTENED.
AS OPPOSED TO YOU ,,WHO AND WHEN WERE YOU GIVEN THE RIGHT TO MAKE JUDGMENTS ABOUT ME . THIS IS CALLED A DEMOCRACY THAT WE LIVE IN AND IF MORE PEOPLE THOUGHT THAT AND DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT THEN MORE WOULD CHANGE, AND MAYBE MORE WOULD BE ABLE TO BE DONE TO MAKE THE WHOLE WORLD BETTER.
( doh )
Posted by: TwoEyes at August 24, 2007 4:30 AM
twoEyes RSVP is a business . IT is their right to make money however they see fit, as it is our right not to use their services and go elsewhere.
why do all of you think the world, and RSVP owe you anything?
Posted by: heyBlogalugs at August 23, 2007 1:26 PM
I'd like to say that sponteneity can be dangerous when you are putting your heart on the line. If you express your desire for someone before you get reasonably strong signals back from them you may be leaving yourself wide open for embarresment.
This can apply in real life and RSVP life. I have always been cautious about expressing my desires to anyone I know I will have to see on a regular basis because rejection could definitely cause embarresment. The same thing could apply on RSVP either when you are meeting someone or could even apply on the blogs.
Posted by: woodnwine at August 22, 2007 11:36 AM
Ninaschen....... bravo and i heartily concur. But remember this this site would not exist without .......................who????????????..........................US.
what the powers that be fail to see that if we all pulled our profiles off then they wouldnt make any money, which in its own way is an indication of the way that society in general is reacting. (The rich get richer syndrome). We can blog to our hearts content, but in reality nothing will get done. The kiss options wont get changed neither will the replies, neither will the price of stamps or the expiry date etc etc etc adnauseuim infinitum............ 95% of people are guided by greed, and this leaves little room for the rest of us that would like to taken seriously, with regard to the human race. That is we chose to serve, and try to make a difference, in the lives of others, Whether it be in a voluntary way or in the jobs and careers we have chosen.
Enuff i am rambling and i havent even had a chardy yet.........
Posted by: TwoEyes at August 19, 2007 7:20 PM
I like having random spontanaiety. It makes it all very different like eating ice cream through straw!
I like
Posted by: romeoricardo at August 18, 2007 8:39 PM
Maybe one thing to bring spontenety would be to put peoples age and general area in here and if you like what they write and they are in the right place you could go and check them out
Posted by: naudy at August 18, 2007 8:05 PM
Great idea, Weta (16/8)! I'm in. I am so sick of losing the thread of the blogs because of the erratic updates. This is our little cyber community and it deserves some respect (even if we don't respect each other, sometimes!).
It is time RSVP noted that the blogs are something that we actually care about and look forward to. I know I have said this before - the blogs GENERATE income for RSVP. I was out of stamps and only bought more (twice!) so that I could contact fellow bloggers. I know of others who have done the same.
Come on RSVP. People have blogged about this ad nauseum and emailed you directly as well. We are asking for service and RESPECT.
Posted by: Ninaschen at August 18, 2007 4:46 PM
Isn't there enough room for spontaneity (had to check that one in the dictionary first- for all the spell checker freaks!) in corresponding. Personally I like RSVP, gives you a chance to meet people that you probably normally wouldn't meet and can do the preliminaries in your own time when it suits you. Lets face it, most of us are busy and being able to check and send emails when it suits us and the other person do the same is great. As for spontaneity (had to check the spelling again -its like school - write the word out 20 times!) most guys seems to have enough trouble replying to kisses and emails and making their share of the phone calls- let alone being spontaneous on top of it! These are blokes we are talking about! Plenty of room for spontaneity with emails, phone calls, catching up along the way - don't see what the fuss is about personally. Chin up and have a good day!
greenfingersA
Posted by: greenfingersA at August 18, 2007 12:52 PM
Reading these blogs is at times interesting, yet monotonous as it takes a while to move to the next topic. Yes, joined RSViP on the 2nd last day of expiry as I had only used one of the 6 bought. Cheaper than hurriedly purchasing more stamps to waste, but still then about $120 a year! Wow!
Waiting for that Ms Correct (Is that Politically Right?). Thanks to a lady yesterday who "kissed" me then I re-kissed offering to purchase stamps to then send an email as I was on my way to work in the am and didn't have the time to put together a reasonable email response. She must have either sobered up from sending the initial kiss, or snatched by Aliens. So, does this mean that the protocol is like a badminton match wher you kiss reply an incessant number of times before initiating an email? Please help me.
P.S. I can always cancel the RSViP if (when) I meet the ?right person, if she exists. Went to an RSVP event recently thought it must have been a gay event as there were numerous other guys early in the evening and no ladies (except for the RSVP team). Yeah, I was worried.
Posted by: erobert at August 18, 2007 9:10 AM
how about showing with permission unsuccessfull members kiss succcess rates rejections so that those who really do feel something towards the member could go out of their way to assist or even meet up withthe member if satisisfactory or just chat to assist future successfull meets with others a discount could be given for long term un successfull members to help them stay and benefit from the RSVP METHOD?comments please
Posted by: goldie13 at August 18, 2007 1:45 AM
I believe you cant do anything else for serendipity to happen.....let the universe decide.Iv done my work,RSVP has done its.the rest is all in the hands of SERENDIPITY.........
Posted by: WALKBESIDEMEAWILE at August 17, 2007 2:47 PM
curiouser and curiouser..........................
maybe this is too difficult for me to understand. So many people on here state that this is a DATING SITE. Having stayed quiet for sometime, it appears to me that its not. Its a site for people to excersize.
By jumping to conclusions.......wrestling (slamming peoples character to the ground).....running round complaining about all and sundry.
I personally think that its a site toTRY and make a date, with someone that you may be compatible with.
wHY IS THERE SO MUCH NEGATIVITY , when with a little thought about what you say, and how you say it , and by keeping to the subject blog, this really could be a nicer place.
and remember.......only two groups fall for flattery..........................................men and women!!!!!!!
Posted by: TwoEyes at August 17, 2007 11:03 AM
weta - yes, no one takes any notice do they? Why ask if you don't want to hear the answer?
Posted by: woodnwine at August 17, 2007 10:14 AM
Posted by: (NagNagNag) at August 14, 2007 12:17 AMPosted by: weta at August 16, 2007 9:23 PMFully agree. Missives and edicts are regularly issued by The Commonwealth Office of the RSVP Ombudsman but are made to look like a random affair because the uploads are dependent on whichever bored agency temp/IT flunkey has blog duties. Sometimes it's someone capable of reading with a sense of humour. More often however it's a clueless blog-monkey. P.S--by the time you read this, it'll probably be Dec 2007.
Posted by: RSVP Ombudsman at August 17, 2007 8:56 AM
Excellent idea weta, I'm in.
Posted by: TrumansCat at August 16, 2007 11:29 PM
how can there be sponanity if people never bother to respond to a kiss you send them. my pet hate is gettig a kiss back reply saying looking forward to your email and then once i send the email get no reply thats expense waste of a stamp esspicaly as i put on my profile no mindgames or time wasters.
well to add more spontanity prehaps the site could find alas with a better cretia as to oppsed of the cupid service and give out a free stamp between to menbers of very similar interests.
that is of course if you choose to keep this prohibatly expensive stamp system in place. please just get rid of it.
also there should be some search certia for menbers who just ignore kisses and emails
Posted by: noble6 at August 16, 2007 10:44 PM
NagNagNag
we rest our respective cases apropos RSVP taking ANY notice of the narrative on the blogs - it is clearly administered (I use that word in the most liberal and expansive of contexts) by cyphers well below the ageline of the vast majority of bloggers. We are doing it up against the wall if we expect any change - to quote the self-help manual "when nothing changes - nothing changes". I'm hoping this is cryptic enough the fly below the temple radar.
I'm thinking of a collective campaign via a form letter...whaddayareckon fellow bloggers?
weta
Posted by: weta at August 16, 2007 9:23 PM
Well...all I can say is that back pre-kids and in my early 20's I wouldn't have been caught dead on site like this! On line dating although certainly having its merits...hence the reason I'm here...is also very 2 - dimentional and lacks the depth involved in meeting people in the physical world. As far as spontaneity of an on line dating site goes however...it would be really cool if there could somehow be a leaning away from the whole chat on msn thing and just a random meeting up somewhere...whether that be at a pub, pool room, restuarant or even a bowling alley. I mean yeah it's cool that you can narrow things down like distance when searching this way...but really what's distance if it's someone you could really connect with!?! Yeah...I don't know really that such a pre-determined elimination process could ever be deemed spontaneous...spontaneity doesn't involve great degrees of thought and energy...it's just doing what feels right at the time. Cheers!!!
Posted by: FraggleRockRox at August 14, 2007 11:43 PM
Well some of us like myself wouldnt be able to use the Mobile phone service as im with a company called transact and they use vodafone and not others that are mentioned. Also this service no doubt would cost more then a normal text message costs.
Posted by: singlelady at August 14, 2007 9:43 PM
The subject of this blog - "How can we introduce a little spontaneity into how people meet online?" seems to be either a rhetorical question, requiring no answer, or just an exercise in cynicism like Bank advertising ('At NAB/ANZ/Westpac/Commonwealth we really care about our customers' etc etc....Yeah, right).
It seems rhetorical because RSVP just ignores the answers they are getting.
Across all the blogs there are 3 or 4 subjects that get a lot of comment. A LOT.
1) No response to emails/kisses.
2) Stamps expense/expiry.
3) Limited/inappropriate Kiss replies.
4) How incredibly far from spontaneous these blogs are.
I've seen, (spread over various blogs, not just this one) maybe 10...really stunning practical ideas to improve the site/experience. Ideas that address RSVP's need to make the site pay but also take in to consideration some of the things people are asking for.
None of the ideas had any comment from RSVP attached to them, positive or negative. Just posted up in the blogs...receding (very very slowly) into the past.
There are a few other subjects that get a lot of comment (ie; out-dated photo's, lying about age/size) that RSVP probably can't do much about. But those 3 - 4 up above, they could.
So many bloggers have said that a slow response to a kiss or an email can kill the impulse they had to contact that person, it's a common complaint (not that RSVP can do much about it, it's more a courtesy thing) yet these blogs can take 2 -3 days to be updated which can be similarly disheartening...bloggers have been complaining about it since they began. RSVP could do something about that instantly. But they don't.
The stamps expense/expiry topic is pretty hot across all the blogs. Changing anything to do with that may be complicated, and take longer. But so far RSVP don't even seem to have noticed that anyone has said anything about the stamp issue...apart from one response ages ago where they said "That's why RSViP was created" as if that settled the matter. Perhaps in their mind, it did. Not for the bloggers though, the complaints continue unabated.
It seems cynical to ask for feedback and then ignore it. Underlining the cynicism is the way that MobileRSVP powers ahead despite the original blog only attracting 7 (SEVEN!) responses since May. Five of them are negative, one neutral and only 1 (one!) person thought it was a good idea.
Undeterred, RSVP launched it anyway.
The Grand Announcement (feedback) blog has attracted 3 (three!) responses since the 10th of August. All 3 are negative. One saying 'No thanks', another accusing them of finding a new way to gouge money out of the members and the last being a complaint that it doesn't work.
I imagine it would be quite a complicated thing to do, setting up a phone service equivalent to RSVP that interacts with the main site while running parallel to it on a totally seperate technology.
How difficult would it be to improve the range of 'kiss' responses?
Not difficult at all, a few lines of code and they could supply 10 new kiss responses without even touching the existing ones. They could do it tomorrow if they chose to.
One of the blogs has over 900 messages on it. There is at least one other with 500 plus. A few others are in the 200 - 300 range. I don't think any of those blogs has a single message on it complaining about not being able to use RSVP on their mobile. Lots of comments about other aspects of the site though.
Cynical? You bet.
NagNagNag
re the topic.........................
read the blogs, saw a name, checked the profile......
sent an email..
SPONTANEOUS!
Posted by: TwoEyes at August 13, 2007 11:53 AM
I prefer to plan my spontaneity. If I check my diary, that should be next Thursday!!!
Posted by: kira1969 at August 11, 2007 9:40 PM
Good morning Clay, funtimesplus...It's early in the morning and getting ready for work. You've just put a smile on my face. Thank you. That will get me through a whole Saturday in retailworld.
Posted by: MonkeyLion at August 11, 2007 6:45 AM
have to admit l checked out bluebuyu1(is that right??) profile as the posts are really interesting...... like your profile love your picture shame youre a,too far away and b;too young but keep writing.
Posted by: auntykaz at August 10, 2007 11:50 PM
Posted by: woodnwine at August 8, 2007 8:18 AM Without women these sites would not work. Throughout the ages, the norm has been that women don't have to pay. It's us blokes that do. If you have short arms you'll need to pull your pants up higher lol.
brushkestral
Some good points that you made. If you join RSViP the non-expiry also pertains to stamps you already have.
Posted by: woodnwine at August 10, 2007 8:30 AM
Hi Monkeylion - yes being a bit spontaneous has found some wonderful friendly people in blogland (is that another new word?) Had hoped to hear from you re bowling (via hotmail) but alas you seemed to have disappeared. Isn't there an alley in Brookvale? Now I'M being spontaneous!!
Clay
Posted by: funtimesplus at August 9, 2007 11:36 PM
i cant do anything on this website... do we have to pay ? to do something ?
Posted by: cowsinmongolia at August 9, 2007 8:35 PM
Oh dear. I feel ALMOST guilty for mentioning the cost of stamps! Have you people ever heard of "light conversation?" Maybe in person you would have picked up my tongue-in-cheek, slightly smiling attitude, but short of putting smiley-face icons and infuriating acronyms into my messages, I guess I'm stuck with those who will misinterpret my blogs!
Sorry,notfos and funtimesplus(really????)I'll take care in future that I don't say anything that may upset anyone, or cause their blood pressure to rise. And notfos,I promise to stick to the topic from now on! I bet you always coloured inside the lines too, didn't you!
Posted by: TishB at August 9, 2007 3:02 PM
I think that being spontaneous is a great thing. Whilst I tend to look at profiles for the actual reason that I am on here in the first place; I cant help myself but to respond with an email when I see something that I really enjoy or find amusing.
You know, you can send a comment even if you realise that you are not someone's type...but say so, and tell the recipient why you are emailing, otherwise it could be contrued as creepy. Surely sometimes it is worth the cost of a stamp to just say hi without any expectation from the recipient.
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at August 9, 2007 1:06 PM
The whole notion that having a cheaper contact system would attract more so-called "players" is based purely on fear and not on reality. The biggest online dating site in the world (match.com) uses a subscription model (with unlimited contact) and it works just fine.
I have been badgering RSVP for ages about their ridiculous stamp system as it is represents not only poor value but it doesn't take into account the very nature of online dating. Such as the ease at which emails are invited and then ignored. Moreover because you can't see the person you are contacting you need to contact many people to achieve some kind of success. That is, while the profile may sound good there may be no chemistry, or the person may not quite look like their photo in real life, the reality that people are in contact with multiple members (and always looking to upgrade it would seem), and so on. This reality makes the stamp system expensive.
Add to this the fact that RSVP time limits stamps (unnecessarily in my view) thereby making them such poor value it's actually hard to understand why people persist with the system. I've spoken to many people about the RSVP system and the comments are always the same, 'great site but too expensive, time limited stamps are a joke!'
I am sure some people have success on RSVP, but after several years of being on the site on and off and countless first dates, and even more wasted stamps, I am forced to conclude, like many, that RSVP is not cost effective. It has the potential to be a great, effective tool for singles but because its payment model is so prohibitively expensive/poor value it kills spontaneity because you are always asking yourself "is this person stamp worthy?"
Many times I think the answer to that question is yes but quite often there are 6 profiles you like but only 3 stamps left (fiscal reality has set in) and you've got to kind of make a judgement call about who you'll contact, possibly missing the one person that would have suited you.
At the end of the day the current contact system just isn't really working in our favour, maybe RSVP's but not us singles. I can only hope that RSVP will in the future offer both a pay per contact method AND a subscription method and we can then choose what suits us best.
To make the above even clearer, if I had a subscription to RSVP and could contact an unlimited number of people I would be free to invite women to chat in a spontaneous manner, I could send emails to all the women I would like to know and then let those I contact make their own mind up regarding contact with me, rather than be limited by how many stamps I have left. I also feel that the inclusion of a topic-based chat room system would be great way to meet new people.
Please RSVP management, please listen to your members (the smarts ones anyway) and get your site up to par. Thank you.
Posted by: ZippityDawg at August 9, 2007 11:34 AM
Hey funtimesplus!
Great to have you back. Very happy to hear spontaniety (did I spell that right?) has worked for you. Keep dropping in to blog-land, we miss your blogs.
Posted by: MonkeyLion at August 9, 2007 5:43 AM
This stamps thing (see my previous post and half of this thread for the background) got me interested, so I've done some calculations. Suppose I wish to have at least one stamp in reserve at all times for that spontaneous moment. Suppose also that I accept that they will expire, and I'll have to buy new ones, based on the current rates. Given these two starting points it turns out it's cheaper to buy books of 24 (and waste potentially quite a lot of stamps) rather than buying books of smaller numbers more frequently. Looking at it as cost per unit of time rather than cost per stamp, a book of 24 costs $16/month (with 4 contacts per month), a book of 12 costs $25/month (again, with 4 contacts per month), and a book of 6 gives $27.50/month (with 3 contacts per month).
While I still can't imagine contacting one new person a week, I am now tempted to go off and buy a pack of 24 - it's cheaper per month even when the stamps aren't being used. Given it allows the higher rate of contact too, it looks like the best value either way round. This is totally counter-intuitive, and is a result I really didn't expect.
What's even more counter-intuitive is that RSViP only costs $10/month, and that makes your stamps never expire - so for very low usage people, like I imagine I will be, RSViP might work out cheaper still! Assuming buying a book of 24 stamps, if you talk to someone new less than once every 3 weeks, it'd be cheaper to sign up for RSViP!
So, anyone here an RSViP member? Does the stamp expiry extension apply to only stamps you buy after you join RSViP, or does it apply to stamps you have already bought, and are current at the time you join - i.e. not yet expired? If the latter, I'll be off to buy a book of 24 the moment I see the answer. If the former, I'll probably be signing up for RSViP first...
Posted by: BrushKestrel at August 8, 2007 11:56 PM
To the anonymous poster who can't understand what all the whining about $5 to talk to someone is about: well it's not $5, is it? If it was as simple as handing over $5 and getting to speak to someone, RSVP would have had a lot more off of me than they have had.
But it's not that simple. No. I have to pay $55 up front, wait a few days, and then I get 6 stamps to use to talk to people. And I have to use them in 2 months.
That looks to me like the fee for emailing someone is $55, with 5 further free contacts thrown in. Assuming you can use them, which isn't guaranteed.
I can't see myself contacting one new person per week (which is what a book of 12 or 24 would require me to do). Even one every 10 days (book of 6) would be hard going. 60% of the kisses I have sent have been replied to in the negative (I don't care how nicely it's worded - it all boils down to "yes" or "no"). The other 40% haven't been replied to at all. I have had a couple of kisses in (both of which surprised me - in both cases I don't match their criteria for a partner). If I'd had stamps begging to be used at the time those kisses came in, I might have been tempted to reply straight to email - but with a $55 fee, and a 2 day turnaround, it's hardly something I can do on the spot when spontaneity strikes.
Given stamps expire (and fast...), I'd prefer to buy one 'just in time' each time I wanted one. That way I'd never waste money by having them expire. Sure I'd still waste money on people I shouldn't have emailed, but that's my fault for not being selective enough, not RSVP's fault.
OTOH, if stamps didn't expire (or had a much longer shelf life), I'd buy them in advance and keep a stock, just in case. But right now, I can't see myself even buying a pack of 6, because they'll all vanish before I've managed to use them.
Hmmm, here's a random thought, what about stamps expiring only one at a time? Say one expires every month (but only if you haven't used one that month already). That way no change for people who currently buy stamps and use them. But for the people who fall outside this, they a) last longer, yet b) there will still be some continuous impetus to use them. It should be compatible with the people who expect to converse with only one person at a time too.
This should provide enough carrot to get a significant proportion of the stampless to accept buying a bundle up front. Convincing the remainder may need the stick of requiring positive stamp balance to remain listed. (Or maybe that's a positive balance required in order to initiate a kiss? Surely the irritating thing is getting kissed, saying you'd like to hear from them, then hearing nothing, and wondering if they expect you to buy the stamp because you're male and they are female?)
Posted by: BrushKestrel at August 8, 2007 11:30 PM
I agree with the idea of being able to buy individual stamps. Ive used two of my six stamps and struggling to find another four people to email before they expire. Although that just struck me as a good idea for serendipity - emailing people you wouldnt normally contact to use up stamps.
Posted by: Msfun01 at August 8, 2007 8:24 PM
woodnwine that would not be a good idea unless the stamps purchased did not have a time limit.
Posted by: mswynter at August 8, 2007 6:52 PM
Notfos - very good points, some of which I for one hadn't considered. If this system was free or really cheap how many more "players" would it attract? I am still surprised by the number of kisses I receive where I reply that I am interested but hear nothing - obviously indicating they have no stamps and don't intend buying any. They knew the rules when they agreed to sign up - why don't they budget to buy stamps to email the people they send kisses to?
How spontaneous can this system be if people don't have stamps? Frankly I think you should be on a time limit if you don't have stamps, maybe one month free then buy stamps or leave - what do others think? It might get rid of a lot of the "players" and just leave those who are genuine to get on with things.
Posted by: woodnwine at August 8, 2007 8:18 AM
HERE'S A NOVEL IDEA! If you'd like to see a bit of spontaneity - be spontaneous! Actually log off, go outside and say hi to the guy looking at you in the taxi queue or actually offer to buy the lady a drink instead of wishing you had - at least if they say 'no thanks' you didn't waste your money on a stamp! Don't ask RSVP to do it for you! I'm in contact with a lady who worked out my hotmail address and was spontaneous enough to say hi!
Mind you, with the lovely ladies appearing on these blogs, I'm tempted to cyberpoligamy (I think I've invented a new word!) but turning Adelaide, Geelong, Tassie or Perth into a reality would eventually reduce my social life to avoiding debt collectors...and spontaneously walking home by a different route each day so they can't follow me. ATTN RSVP - do you have any topics that are easier to spell? How about onomatopoeia?
Clay
Posted by: funtimesplus at August 8, 2007 12:27 AM
Was this blog about sponteniety? I seem to read lots about chat rooms & cost of stamps - and I'm here pondering whether people want do things on the cheap or they are just niave.
I'm sure that we all signed up here knowing the rules - you see a profile that seems to fit - you buy stamps - you email and await a reply (or nothing). I'm sure we all realised the rules. Yet here people are carping about the cost of the system - I don't get that. Don't get me wrong I certainly understand that money isn't readily avaliable to every one, all the time - but surely we work RSVP to suit our budget. Do all your seaching - budget for the stamps required then go do it!!!!
This site has its disadvantages and it costs - I for one can't imagine what it would be like if it was free or extremely cheap. There are plenty of game players on here that are prepared to buy stamps - imagine if it was free to interact or chat.
As for a chat room - well I can't see any improvement. Much of the same really - profiles seem to hide things easily - a person in a chat room can do the same.
For me sponteneity is difficult with this medium and I'm not sure whether I would be game to try it. But the topic has got me thinking and the sponteneity I will consider is emaling outright.
But I do agree with updating the blogs and new topics quicker - that would add more demension to this site & fill in my quiet days at work. Ciao all.
Posted by: Notfos at August 7, 2007 1:03 PM
Anon Aug6
Lucky you. Some of us have not been so lucky as you and have wasted many of our emails (money) on people who weren't even polite enough to reply after asking us to email or who have just disappeared with no trace. It makes us a little more cautious. Metaphor - nice response, liked the bit about not wanting to shout the bar!
Posted by: woodnwine at August 7, 2007 9:11 AM
In reply to anon. posted Aug. 6 about an email costing only $5.00. This may be so if you have a mobile phone. I am one of the rare individuals in this world who have survived this long without one and have no desire to be on call 24/7.
I did initially buy stamps and wasted them, finding only one profile I wanted to respond to within the time frame, before the expiry date ran out. The choice of articulate men that have a profile that fits my very wide criteria seems to be very narrow here in Tassie.
If some one emails me I will always respond and try to give an outline of myself fairly openly. Even so I have had a couple of men not bothering to reply after only a few emails. Or waited about two weeks, keeping me in suspense, then told me they had met someone else and didn"t wish to contact me.
So no I will not fork out for multiple stamps again. If I could buy just one at a time I would gladly do that, and this seems to be a familiar comment throughout blogland so I'm not the only one who feels this way. I also think that to be responding to half a dozen men at the same time is extremely bad manners. Plus I'd probably get them mixed up and say something totally inappropriate. I know females are supposed to be able to multi task, and I can usually, but I just feel that it would be a bit like being on date with six men at the same time. Fun may be if you knew them all quite well but not when you are trying to suss out their personalities.
So yes I would buy some one a drink but have no intention of shouting the bar.
Posted by: metaphor at August 6, 2007 10:38 PM
If you like someone and they express that they would like an email from you or vice versa - then send an email. For goodness sake it costs what $5.00 to do so, which is probably cheaper than buying them a drink at the bar! In my experience every person I have sent an email to I have had a positive response in return. Never has an email gone unanswered. It doesn't mean they are to become the love of my life, but it has been courteous and respectful. I have made friends through sending an email - and have not worried about the cost!!
im a sexy mexican
Posted by: sexy mexican at August 4, 2007 9:34 PM
I am agree with the masses - more rapid blogging responses. I think senility is setting in - I have to re-read everything!!
To the anonymous blogger with - Serendipity...is too good to leave to chance :o) - fantastic!! Made me smile and wrote it in my journal!
Happy weekend to all!
Posted by: Moondolphin at August 3, 2007 11:39 PM
There used to be a chatroom function on RSVP, but that was a few years ago. From memory, it required you to have stamps in your account to login to it, but never used them up in the process. I guess they decided it was costing them stamp sales and disabled it.
Posted by: puntastic at August 3, 2007 1:55 AM
Sorry, Dayan, see, that's what happens when we have to wait for the blogs, ED!!! I didn't go back far enough to see Dayan's answer and now he's going to think I'm ignoring him, or just plain stupid! Thanks for the answer, Dayan, I'll sit and ponder it for an hour or so. My wee Motorola is just one step up from two baked beans cans joined by a string, so I think the WAP thing is way out of my league, but good of you to give me the info.And anyway, this blog will probably follow my comment blogged earlier this evening, and you'll know that the stamp is now a non-issue!!!
Posted by: TishB at August 2, 2007 9:12 PM
Believe me, the world's not all bad. There are very, very kind people out there, some even blogging on rsvp. I had an offer of a solution to my stampless situation, but guess what! Mr Maybe Right has gone! Disappeared! Either otherwise engaged, as I predicted earlier, or scared off by my obsessive pleas for stamps! Not that I mentioned him by name, but perhaps he's perceptive.
Anyway, it's back to the drawing board, maybe I'll update the profile, change the photo and see what happens. Or maybe I'll go back to knitting. Either way, life's all good, my spirits have been lifted due to the kindness of a stranger! Thanks, BM, you're a winner!
Posted by: TishB at August 2, 2007 8:45 PM
Everyones so busy picking faults from each other an claiming to know so much but forgot the one basic thing...Hi welome, yes were in a dispute but please feel free to comment, as we dont want you to feel that its personal, none of us are perfect an understand that we all have points of view................ nope, not gonna happen, so why not carry on been abusive, ignore an change the subject, compete to see whos words are better than others, slang off those that arent , enrage us with fable stories even if true, distrust ,act calm but rage inside, sux up so you win more points, faulter when you get caught out, stamp foot an threaten to leave to make a point, return a singing hero, its starting to ring real true here, that the level of what we want from each other, falls way way short of the mark...an for those gutless wonders who blog other peoples names...what you reckon ED kick them out of the house,"? an name them ,youd have that information they still have to have an account or e-mail address hmmmm,,,, so low,,,,, sleep well all.... cause Peace is Tired an Honsety never got out of bed....please mail to Blogville an grrr whats that hair in my nose LOL
Posted by: BLUEBYEU1 at August 1, 2007 11:31 PM
The sun, she is a-shining, here on the Gold Coast, Ninaschen! Up to 28 degrees by Friday, so the weather man said tonight. It can only get better, so bring your "togs" when you come to visit. Maybe not, that might be pushing it, but definitely just a light cardy. Please excuse me if this seems a little disjointed, I'm blogging in the ad breaks of Thank God You're Here! Brilliantly funny people.
I'm still waiting, Dayan, let me know what WAP site is!!! Or anyone, for that matter, because I really need to know. The count down is on!
Posted by: TishB at August 1, 2007 8:25 PM
Rippershlongwon what a good idea about only being debited if the contact is returned! I rarely buy stamps but would buy them more frequently if this were the case...and they had a longer 'shelf life'. The NZ equivalent dating website is a lot cheaper than RSVP and the stamps don't expire so quickly. I've given feedback before as I don't think we get good value for money on this site.
Posted by: YsOwl at August 1, 2007 8:16 AM
How about more spontaneity in the blogs. Woodnwine, Malsie, Riversong1 and others have also mentioned this previously, just adding my voice to the cause!
Could someone come with a viable idea to get the blogs posted in a faster more real time frame. The blogs are really interesting, they seem to be very popular, but sometimes it takes nearly 2 days to get your blog posted, by the time it is, you have almost forgotten what your comment was about, and you lose your passion for the topic!!!! just a thought, maybe those not as technically challenged as I am, could come up with something acceptable to both RSVP and all the bloggers.
Posted by: junebaby57 at July 31, 2007 11:02 PM
a WAP site is accessed using your gprs/3g phone instead of your computer.
I can use it.
Maybe Ed. can explain it better. or someone more tech savvy than myself
Posted by: dayan at July 31, 2007 10:14 PM
Sponteneity? Guy sees Gal on RSVP. Likes profile. No photo. Should he send a kiss? Nah! Gal sees guy. Mmmm? Nah! Enter the Blogs. Responses to each other in Blogs. More profile peeking. Kisses sent, both ways! Emails sent. Phone calls. Dinner, drinks, dancing, long converstions with Chicago and LRB and the oldies playing in the background. Wow! didn't think you'd respond, way outside of your age group, a 30 minute drive, don't smoke, not into karma or painting sunrises (would rather still be dead to the world), but, who would have thought that 2 people could get on so well?
Rippershlongwon
Great idea! I am sick of people saying they are interested so I use a stamp to email then they change their mind. They are not penalised, we are. So unfair!
Posted by: woodnwine at July 31, 2007 9:52 PM
Spontenaity: RSVP actually taking note of some of these ideas (chat room, cafe, teahouse, where people can meet and mingle) and doing something about it!
Why are we still being invited to gangster and flapper nights in inner city nightclubs?
Perhaps RSVP needs to employ an Events Crew that are over the age of 21 and actually know of some restaurants, cafes etc that don't involve stillhettos, loud music, packed dance floors and boozing!
Thanks for the support Fefa63, and no worries about the misnomer. Perhaps I should have been more inventive anyway!!
Murphy's Law dictates that I'll be able to buy stamps just in time to get a reply from Mr Maybe Right saying "thanks but no thanks, getting married Saturday" Oh, I shouldn't say that, must go and watch The Secret. Again. And in case anyone else missed Dayan's advice about WAPsite having one stamp availability, watch this space! All will be revealed before too long, I hope!
Posted by: TishB at July 31, 2007 7:52 PM
Forgive my ignorance, Dayan, but what the.... is rsvp WAPsite????
I've meandered around on the home page, looked in every nook and cranny and I'm blowed if I can see any reference to it. Not to say it's not there, mind you, just well hidden! All assistance gratefully accepted.
Posted by: TishB at July 31, 2007 7:34 PM
Wow - this is my first visit to blogsville but it won't be the last ... so many people with so many views. I find it much easier to get a good perception of people when I read their views about a topic that is not themselves! I'm another to agree on the chat idea but I understand the RSVP people's need to make $$$ out of this. The views of bezierspline above made a lot of sense to me.
As for not replying to messages ... well that's plain rude. I can't believe anyone could receive a message and not reply, even if simply to say "thanks but no thanks!"
Posted by: focusonthefuture at July 31, 2007 11:15 AM
Agree with some other comments - sponteneity in blogs would be much better with a faster turnaround. Sometimes it takes so long you can't even remember if you have commented on something.
Posted by: woodnwine at July 30, 2007 3:12 PM
Nice ideas bezierspline - thinking outside the square a little, must be becasue you work in the industry.
YsOwl, good idea too about the links.
Woodnwine
Posted by: woodnwine at July 30, 2007 11:07 AM
Hands up all those people who haven't wasted stamps.... Nobody...? Hmm. How many of us have thrown half a dozen stamps down the rsvp toilet then wished we just had one for that really special person we think we may have found? It seems to me from reading the blogs that there are an awful lot of people who are not buying stamps for that very reason. Maybe RSVP could encourage a more generous and spontaneous use of stamps if the stamp was debited when you receive your reply rather than when contact is initiated. That way, we do not get penalised for other peoples' rudeness.
Posted by: Rippershlongwon at July 30, 2007 10:52 AM
Can we be spontaneous on a dating website? We all have put up our profiles with our likes and dislikes and what we are looking for in the dating world. Can this be spontaneous when it is so computerised, even clinical!
How can you even really tell if you like someone when they may not be honest, or they may be excellent writers, so you believe the story they write as they do it so well. So that when it comes to the crunch and you actually do meet, they are nothing like the profile and emails, nothing like the idea that you may have in your head of what the person was going to be like!
The problem is that when you meet someone spontaneously at a restaurant , bar or party, you can see their eyes, and you can see if they have a genuine smile, and if that smile also lights up their eyes. You can tell if you have that spark or not!
That spontaneity of an accidental meeting does not happen on a website. And I actually miss that!!
It was so much easier when I was 20 and 1st met my husband. Even when I was in my 30s and divorced with 2 kids, it was heaps easier than it is now. I think that in the last 6 months I have been here, I have experienced the "dating in the 40's and beyond" also the "dating thru the ages" as 70% of kisses and contacts have been from younger men, ranging from 2 years to 20 years. The contacts with the bigger age gap talked and wanted sex from the 1st phone conversations. That gets me into the "deal breakers" sex on the 1st date is a breaker for me, no matter how much my hormones might be thinking differently!!!
On one of the other blogs, someone wrote that the numbers of people visiting brothels have declined since internet dating got big!! In the last month, from my experiences alone, I could agree with that statement. It is probably cheaper for the guy to purchase the stamps, pay for some phone calls and then a coffee, it is cheap compared to a brothel visit!
I don"t think all men are like this. I am sure my experiences on the dating website are just something I need to work thru until the right ones comes along....so in the meantime I am getting heaps of experience so that when serendipity finally does hit me, I will know how to be spontaneous, I'll know all the latest sex talk (from a recent phone call I had!!! Do you guys still like stiletto heels???) I will know to be positive, to tell the truth, make sure I look like my photo, yada, yada, yada and I don't like the Shawshank Redemption!
I probably just need a good nights sleep, will read some Harry Potter first (my escapism)!
So to all you bloggers out there have a gr8 week and I wish you all good fortune in dating and blogging land!
Posted by: junebaby57 at July 29, 2007 11:52 PM
Lurker coming out of the closet!
I'm a fan of the chatroom idea.
I think that the blogs could be improved as a way of meeting others too...have links to profiles to enable quicker searching from the name at the bottom of the blog post. Hmmm location is pretty important to me too so if I could see where someone is from when looking at their blog post that would be good. To be able to see blog posts in someones profile would be good too. This is a function that another website I post on has and it makes it easy to get to know people's personality better.
Posted by: YsOwl at July 29, 2007 7:57 PM
stamps... YOU CAN BUY SINGLE STAMPS ON THE rsvp WAP SITE.
(yes I am shouting. ed has given up pointing this out)
Posted by: dayan at July 29, 2007 3:57 PM
Thank you Rippershlongwon that was very kind! .V
Posted by: BLUEBYEU1 at July 29, 2007 3:25 PM
I agree with all the others that a chat room would be a great idea.
Don't forget though, that there are RSVP functions where you can actually meet other members and non-members in real life..they are a fun night out and you get to mix with others in the same boat as you.
Posted by: romanceme4ever at July 28, 2007 4:11 PM
I've mentioned it before - and I'll mention it again.
Embrace the 2.0 movement.
Let's look at the websites around the world that are blowing the others out of the water. The MySpaces, Googles, YouTubes, Facebooks of the world.
What do they offer that is so special? They're providing an A-Grade service to people for free. Want to make RSVP spontaneous? Remove the stamps system all-together. Evolve the kiss system, so that once users have kissed, contact is open, and give user's the option of removing kisses (breaking contact).
Give users a place to blog the more I can learn about someone the better.
I happen to work at a website, and realise you need income. But hey, I'll put my ideas on the table as to how you can capitalise on this site.
Get your users to put their addresses into your database, they can remain completely private. However when I'm chatting to missprettyyoungthing927 you can take advantage of knowing where we both live, and suggest some places we could go out that are in a mutually agreeable place. Google Maps will do most of this work for you. All you need to do is get venues to advertise - offer a discount to members to visit 'sponsored venues' and skim the cash.
EVERYONE wins. RSVP can advertise as free, and attract users who don't feel comfortable putting their credit card details online etc. The swell of users gives more variety to the existing users. Existing users will no longer suffer from feeling 'ripped off' because contacts don't reply to their emails. Your network partners will benefit from targeted advertising.
Posted by: bezierspline at July 28, 2007 2:20 PM
I agree with friendlychicki in that the ability to buy just one stamp would increase spontaneity considerably.
I sure don't have the money to buy six stamps on the off chance. I have wasted twelve stamps because the time ran out and I am not buying six just in case.
I rarely send kisses to men and find when I do I rarely get a reply so it is impractical to buy them when those are my odds. I'm happy to buy the first email but not for $56.00.
Call me stingy but that is my attitude after over a year here. I'll buy you a drink or meal though quite happily.
Spontaneity of blogging would be increased by a quicker turnaround. Things can get very nasty if you can't send a timely reply.
Posted by: wishingandhopingnolonger at July 28, 2007 2:06 PM
Oops, sorry TishB, I kept referring to you as TrishB in my previous blog. Please accept my most profuse apologies, I know that I hate it when people get my name wrong, especially if it is more than once and therefore obviously not just a typo error.
I hope you manage to get your stamps and contact Mr Right. Don't forget to let us know how it all turns out. I will be waiting with anticipation (goes to show just how devoid of action my own lovelife is when I'm waiting on the progress of fellow bloggers).
Posted by: Fefa63 at July 28, 2007 10:44 AM
TrishB - You can buy 3 stamps for $34.95 on the 1900 number, but they expire in 1 month. Also, you can't buy them from a mobile or public telephone. Not much good to someone like me who has put a bar on my home phone to stop my kids from putting my bill through the roof making mobile calls.
RSVP needs to take on board the needs of its members and make a more user friendly stamps system. Either have a set number of stamps with no expiry date, or a set expiry date with unlimited contacts allowed during that period. That would go a long way to prevent people from rushing to use up their stamps before they expire, even if they are already meeting with someone else (I don't do that myself, but it is obvious that some people do).
The time frames are way too short - in the real world would you normally meet/date 3 to 4 different people a month? Most of us wouldn't. I prefer to have contact with one person at a time to see how we click. I don't want to be a player and I don't want to have to choose between 2 or 3 or 4 ....(wishful thinking - I know) different guys. That usually takes longer than a week from initial contact to meeting.
RSVP claim having the set number of stamps prevents non-genuine people making inappropriate contacts and harassing people, but if they have the money to buy lots of stamps, these people will still do that (besides, once they have made contact with you they have a whole month to harass you at no extra cost). It's really about RSVP making money. What they need to realise is that many people who may have otherwise bought stamps won't buy them because of the restrictive nature of the transaction. RSVP could actually make more money by being more consumer focussed (So moderator please pass this info on to the powers that be!!!).
Spontaneity is killed off when you can't make contact with someone quickly due to finances. By the time you have the money for the stamps, the other person may have already met someone else (Sorry TrishB, I hope that doesn't happen to you).
So come on RSVP, how about a $14.95 stamp for those urgent spontaneous moments when the person you have been looking for finally appears. I know that's a lot of money for one stamp, but looking at the cost of the other packages, I figure this is about the amount that RSVP would charge. And besides, it's easier to come up with a quick $15.00 than the usual $55.00.
Posted by: Fefa63 at July 28, 2007 10:34 AM
G'day BLUEBYEU1
Your spelling may suck but at least your messages are clear. Don't worry about the negative reactions you get to your postings. Any reaction at all is useful and shows that at least people are reading your contributions. People get their arses kicked for trying to be supportive on this thing, never mind telling home truths. No one is controlling these blogs. There are certainly those who wish they did but the cracks soon appear when it's shown they don't own the franchise on wisdom, humour and good satire. There are egos involved here (meself included) and anyone who tells you they're blogging purely to help others is telling "porkies". At the end of the day, other peoples' reactions tell you more about them than yourself and can be great entertainment.
Posted by: Rippershlongwon at July 28, 2007 4:21 AM
Riversong1 - Thanks! That is very sweet of you. My new friend has brought a lot of lightness and laughter to my otherwise mundane life and I am grateful for that.
TishB - I wish I could give you one (or all!) of my stamps. They will probably go to waste as I have hidden my profile for a while and don't anticipate using them any time soon. Thanks for the good wishes and I am excited that I will see you soon on the sunny (please) Gold Coast!
Beachmouse - I agree! Taking a chance on someone outside your ideal can be very rewarding. I would not have contacted the 'witty and articulate one' had he been specific in his ideal partner requirements. They were actually blank though his own details were, well, detailed. I hesitated contacting him because of his age (the fibber) but felt compelled to, as a man with a firm grasp on the English language is hard for me to resist. And they are few and far between in this particular neck of the woods (you are another exception, Weta! You are a star!). Oh, and if I sound like I am contradicting myself (re the cut lunch away mentioned in my earlier post) this 'neck of the woods' covers a sizeable slab of Victoria.
And to ensure my post passes the RSVP moderators, I am including the words serendipity and spontaneous. Just to make sure, here they are again: Serendipity. Spontaneous.
Posted by: Ninaschen at July 27, 2007 9:23 PM
I'm trying to work out just how we can be more spontaneous on here...I like the idea of chat rooms, IRC was fun way back in the mid 90's, it saves the huge lag time between posting and being "posted". Not sure I'd want to "randomly" contact someone that cupid, in his cherubic wisdom figures is my "match", because along with some very odd "matches", cupid has even sent me my ex....now THAT was funny and I'll forgive him for that (Cupid..not the ex!).
Maybe sending a kiss to a "near enough" match might be the go, but then I'm thinking it's not quite what I want....ack....this topic is a bit too "random"...come on Ed...can't you come up with something else?
Perhaps RSVP should bring in a "monthly" billing system (like other sites) and that way setting up a chat room wouldn't be an issue (stamp wise)....
Perhaps I should simply get a life!!!! Now THERE'S a thought!
Posted by: wishfulthinker at July 27, 2007 8:58 PM
There is nothing spontaneous about meeting people on RSVP or any other online dating site for that matter. It is all so calculated. We trawl through hundreds of profiles looking for the ones that stand out to us. We send off dozens of kisses and receive as many back. We then have to decide who, if anyone, we are going to take a chance on and meet. Occasionally we meet someone we feel we could really hit it off with only to find out they dont share our enthusiasm. If your looking for spontaneity smile and say hello to that cute fellow shopper in the supermarket. In this way we are forced to take each other at face value, there are no pre conceived ideas about who we are supposed to be.
You can actually learn a lot about someone by what they have in their trolley.At best you just may make a new friend, at worst you may have to find a new supermarket to shop in.
Which ever way you prefer we are ultimately all shopping for the same thing.
Posted by: Jessy4 at July 27, 2007 8:56 PM
a chat room would be nice, but why should there be a price attached?? Should it not be enough that you can only get entry via the blogs?
And, regarding venues for meetings, I would like to ask why the rsvp nights in the Wollongong area were canceled?
Posted by: Sonn at July 27, 2007 7:41 PM
There isnt much spontaneity associated with RSVP or any online dating site for that matter. We trawl through hundreds of profiles looking for ones that stand out to us. We send hundreds of kisses and get as many replies, then have to decide who we actually want to meet. Mostly, we are disillusioned with our new friends ability to distort the truth via their profile. Occasionally we meet someone who we think we could really hit it off with only to discover they dont share our enthusiasm. If you really want spontaneity, smile and say hello to that cute fellow shopper at the supermarket. You take each other at face value with no pre conceived ideas about who you are supposed to be. At best you may make a new friend, at worst you may have to find a new supermarket to shop in.
Im not usually this negative- its been a long week!
Posted by: Jessy4 at July 27, 2007 6:58 PM
TrishB - had a little chuckle to myself reading your blogs on 26 July, especially your pleading 1 to ED...... Gee will be a surprise if you get the donated stamp..... But I know where you coming from. Just when you think next week I'll buy stamps in comes another bill or the car breaks down and the list goes on and on..... Bit like a duracell battery.
ED - Please change it so we can purchase 1 stamp at a time :) :)
Obviously alot of members want this as you should know by reading the blogs. Just think you may actually make more money as more people would purchase stamps.
Or at least give us some feedback with examples (good 1s) as to why or why not this wouldn't work.
Beachmouse - I hope it all works out for you. You made some very good points at the end of your blog 26 July about taking a chance on someone who doesn't quite match your ideal. Which of course goes for both male and female.
Have a good avo all and weekend :) :) and a big hello and wave from FNQ.
Posted by: friendlychicki at July 27, 2007 3:41 PM
Spontaneous// same people sharing there vast amount of knowledge about how to find lifetime romance??? but still on here, an still very single??? Spontaneous // been told that you lied about a few home truths, great welcome to a new member, Spontaneous// am I off the subject too! Spontaneous laughter// showed my friends these blogs all in happy long term relationships hmmm think id listen to there advise first! Spontaneous Humour// a good way to deal with conflict! Spontanous rejection// Chat room RSVP so it can be controlled by a mere few like these blogs, would you like to lose members an create more spontaneous negativity an spontaneous reaction to bad spelling// spontaneous guilt// I HATE been negative// spontaneous loss of sense of humour! an thank the Lord that wont last!
Posted by: BLUEBYEU1 at July 27, 2007 1:47 AM
Malsie..after our serendipitous introduction (i sent him a kiss, he emailed me the best email ever) we have had to wait 3 weeks as he went overseas for business 2 days later. Its turned out for the best, 3 weeks of daily phone calls, texts, msn conversations and emails has allowed me to get to know him as a friend; the best foundation for anything more.
oh, and thanks for referring to me as gorgeous; I reckon the personalities of some of the regular bloggers just shine thru...another example of serendipity on RSVP, i never in a million years expected to make female friends from an online dating site, but ive come to realise there is nothing better then having a friend who understands the dramas of internet dating!
Im typing a longer blog then I usually do, usually keep 'em short because I never read the loooooooong blogs and figure no one else does! But i filled up on chocolate covered coffee beans all day today and im buzzzzzing...those things are lethal!
back to the blog topic....heres a thought to add serendipity to the rsvp experience. kiss someone who doesnt fit your perfect partner profile; maybe they are an inch shorter then your ideal? maybe they are trying to quit smoking rather then dont smoke? maybe they are average instead of slim or athletic? maybe (in my case) they live further away then you think is viable (and,as in my case maybe it turns out they spend alot of their time in a town thats closer to you)....I guess my point is, the profile who 'ticks all the boxes' may not be The One, it might the the profile underneath his (or hers)!
Thats as philisophical as this little beachmouse gets!!
Posted by: Beachmouse at July 26, 2007 10:07 PM
oh. oh. Just thought of a really good spontaneous thing RSVP could do for me! I really want to email just one person, he's peeked, kissed, and peeked again (I said peeked, not peaked) and I CANNOT afford 6 stamps at the moment. Couldn't you spontaneously donate ONE stamp to me, purely because I'm a nice person, small, but endearing????? Then I could email him, we could ride off into the wild blue yonder never to darken your doorstep again? I would spontaneously respond with a loud resounding THANK YOU!!!! Go on, I dare ya!!!
Posted by: TishB at July 26, 2007 9:46 PM
Damn this time lapse thing! I know I blogged here earlier this evening, but I can't remember what I said. It was probably totally irrelevant in view of my present mood. However, what I wanted to say is.....Good on you Ninaschen, I wish you all the best wishes possible in pursuing this friendship, it can only be a good thing! And you continue to use as many exclamation marks as your little heart desires!!!
Posted by: TishB at July 26, 2007 9:40 PM
The last time I looked at this blog topic, there wasn't even one blog! I thought, well, that was a loser, but no!! away we go again.
I hope like you wouldn't believe that serendipity isn't the controlling factor in my life.....there's a lovely man who has looked, kissed, been kissed back, not emailed, looked AGAIN, been kissed AGAIN, but I cannot afford to buy 6 stamps at the moment!!! PLEEEEEEAAAAASEE let us buy one stamp at a time, he may well be Mr Right, he obviously doesn't "do stamps" and I really, really want to email him! ED: You could let me buy one stamp, or you could offer to pay my power bill....or maybe you will forever be responsible for standing in the way of serendipity!!!!!!Is that possible, do you think?
Posted by: TishB at July 26, 2007 9:28 PM
Rippershlongwon, not everyone's like that - there's a lot of good sharing stuff here too :)
Brushkestrel - yep - I really agree with the "friends" idea too.
Posted by: Riversong1 at July 26, 2007 8:56 PM
Ooopps - sorry - Riversong1
Posted by: Riversong1 at July 26, 2007 8:45 PM
Thanks Silentandlost and Amiablegrump - all that new computer lingo - thanks for your help!
Beachmouse - my profile is "hidden" for the moment - taking a break - sensitive person :) Good luck with your plane seating - hope you went somewhere warm? Lucky you!
Malsie - yep - I can feel the spring in the air too - wonderful!! Something to look forward to.
Beachmouse - thank you for your kind words. Certainly made me smile when I read them.
Disillusioned - so true of many of us. That moment of chemistry - so warming!
Love the idea of the random chat button. Could amuse for a while.
Spontaneity can surely only come from the way we approach our contacts and meetings. The RSVP organisation can't make any of this spontaeous in my opinion. Strange idea for a blog really given the nature of the whole RSVP experience.
Posted by: woodnwine at July 26, 2007 9:11 AM
Perhaps spontaneity is an overrated commodity. All the RSVP dos and don'ts tend to militate against it anyway. As for a chat room with instant feedback, wouldn't that just allow people to take offence to each others' postings more instantaneously without that cooling off period to think things through?
Posted by: Rippershlongwon at July 26, 2007 2:34 AM
Good on you Ninaschen!
Posted by: Riversong1 at July 25, 2007 11:41 PM
Thanks for your kind words, Beachmouse. I think the reasons I remain single are probably many and varied, and I won't be self indulgent enough to go into them here - but will probably sum it by saying to get all the right ingredients of what I'd like in a man to match up with what someone may see in me, and then make it last a while.... well, it seems quite a task! I'm sure that's common to many of us, though.
I had a look at your profile ages ago too, you gorgeous woman, and I can see why you were "snatched up" as you put it - how's that going? Have fun in Melbourne, by the way.
Agree totally, Riversong1, indeed we are all on an equal footing. I hope your creative writing is going well and you continue to feel inspired. At last a feeling of spring in the air - hurray! That's inspiring - may even lead to more spontaneity.... (a dreadful attempt to try and say something that in some way relates to the subject as opposed to my incoherent ramblings of anything that takes my fancy!)
Posted by: Malsie at July 25, 2007 4:29 PM
hiddencharms.. I love your idea of meeting up at a teahouse or cafe.. I think talking over a hot cuppa is probably the best thing....I mean most of us go on a first date for coffee ? So this would be similar! :-)
Posted by: SeraphSuzie at July 25, 2007 1:11 PM
How to create spontaneity in an online service which is mostly search engine based. Hard one that. Important to solve, but hard.
I like the idea of a chatroom. Spontaneity is given here by the randomness of who is online and when, and also that you'd get to speak to people and have a conversation before seeing pictures / reading profiles. Maybe you discover you get on really well with someone who you wouldn't have picked based on their profile?
On the other hand, I can't see how it'd work while also preserving the 'stamps' revenue model. (I can't see many takers, nor much spontaneity if a stamp was charged per entry.)
Free stamp to talk to a system picked match is also a good idea, but given the other thread about how cupid doesn't seem to be able to aim, is it really likely to be of much benefit? (Though if cupid's aim was better, would a free stamp be too much to give away?)
Okay, so how about a cross between the two? A 'random chat' feature. You don't get to pick who you'll end up chatting to, the system will try and pick someone else appropriate (think '2 way search', only working a bit better) who has also clicked the 'random chat' button. Okay, it's probably not going to be your ideal match, but it's certainly a spontaneous meet.
The two of you get connected, and can chat. To protect the revenue stream a bit, this isn't re-connectable like having bought a stamp - if you want to follow up on the random chat, one or other of the people will have to buy one. Not sure how you'd stop people taking it straight to external email though. (I have to admit I'd try that.)
(Please check for previous history if you plan to do this though - a pair of people who already have history isn't a good candidate for a spontaneous meet!)
All of these are likely to create more 'friends' than 'soulmates', but I think friendship is stage 1 in the process of finding a partner anyway, so the more friends created the better really :-)
Posted by: BrushKestrel at July 24, 2007 11:41 PM
Way to go "TheCannulator"! I love the suggestion for a random chooser option. RSVP lotto. A bit like spin the bottle. Or dare I say it the dreaded pokies. The jackpot could be a free stamp, but you can only use it to contact the person the computer has chosen for you. What a hoot, that certainly would be serendipitous.
Posted by: metaphor at July 24, 2007 10:39 PM
I don't believe RSVP, as such, can bring spontaneity to our lives but I do believe it allows us the opportunity to do it for ourselves. I spontaneously 'kissed' another member who really didn't fit into my 'square'. It was the best thing I have done for a long, long time. He is younger (actually, he lied about his age in his profile - I was relieved and amused to find that he is now only one, rather than five years younger). He lives a packed-lunch away. His photo is corny. He is creative. He has young children. He is (very) tall. He is slim. The list of 'doesn't fit with me' goes on and on BUT we have the most delightful rapport. We both enjoy playing with the English language, flirting and laughing. We are building a friendship that I am sure will be long-lasting and sincere. I'm no longer obsessed with finding 'the' one. But, I am chuffed I have found a 'genuine' one and a good friend (well, genuine apart from the fact he lied about his age - trust me, this will be an ongoing source of ammunition and will enrich our banter).
Posted by: Ninaschen at July 24, 2007 10:29 PM
now that's a truly spontaneous idea TheCannulator, a random chooser button! Just love it! That would provide a serendipidous situation for those who want to experience total spontenaiety (spelling has lost me there).
Taking a step into an alternate reality with a "spontenaiety button" of course you'd have to spell it correctly or be spontaneous with your spelling. ha ha ha!
I also think the idea of a chat room is a good one. "Happy chat" for an hour on Friday, but would RSVP agree to that?
Oh, and what is this top 100 business that every now and then is mentioned?
Posted by: phoenixwone at July 24, 2007 9:54 PM
I'm not amiablegrump, but I can answer the question.
IRC = Internet Relay Chat.
It is hard to be spontaneous when one is in an environment which is essentially a smorgasboard. A chat event (on any particular frequency) would likely mix things up nicely.
Meh. Back to lurking, and seeing if anyone will respond to my kisses...
Posted by: silentandlost at July 24, 2007 8:38 PM
No worries anokayguy, I'm a healthy resilient type. No problem.
You are right about people's buttons Malsie, I've noticed many people take general comments very personally.
As far as I can see, there are no "Blog Gods" here - we are all on an equal footing - free to express whatever we want to (except phone numbers!)
Posted by: Riversong1 at July 24, 2007 7:20 PM
Malsie and Moondolphin, i was being a bit nosy and checked out your profiles...dont quite understand what is wrong with the male population of RSVP that you two (and alot of other regular female bloggers ) are still single.
Riversong1, you either use a different name or you are like me and have your profile hidden...but Ive always enjoyed reading your blogs...keep it up! Im on a plane to Melbourne this weekend...wonder who I will be sitting next to???
SeraphSuzie.that is the best pickup line I have heard, obviously worked for you!!
Posted by: Beachmouse at July 24, 2007 6:48 PM
Riversong1: IRC is Internet Relay Chat. Basically what the world used for chatrooms before everyone became so obsessed with this Web2.0 malarky. You'd join a server, and then a channel based off location or interest or clique or whatever.
Posted by: AmiableGrump at July 24, 2007 10:28 AM
hey anokayguy...it really is great to see you so happy, sorry to hear about the pain medication...hope it all gets better. Tell your lovely lady I am still talking under the dry cement hehehe ;-) and I have started doing aerobics ..hehe ;-) getting fit for summer .. look out bikini here I come!! ..hehe
Posted by: SeraphSuzie at July 24, 2007 7:56 AM
Serendipity.......like the the fabulously stylish man who was looking at me every time I looked up while snaking our way along a taxi line at Sydneys airport recently. He had no idea of my personal "baggage" and it was lovely to feel attractive....and feel some chemistry. Chemistry doesn't happen all that often in true life. Sometimes we just settle for whats easiest and we really shouldn't because when we do we end up here!
What a pity we are not brave enough sometimes just to say hello.
Posted by: Disillusioned (not my RSVP name) at July 24, 2007 3:45 AM
How to make it more spontaneous on this website is a hard one . Fefa63's idea about putting in a photo of your pet up, is a good one and it would also provide a laugh. I have a little fat Pomeranian X and a hyperactive kelpie X, it would depend on my mood and the day of the week, to which one I would resemble!!!! Its pretty funny really!!! And the photo or drawing of who you want...is it the fantasy idea of what you want, like Brad Pitt or John Travolta or the reality, someone who can walk, talk and socialise, has own teeth, happy in his career, hair optional (Bruce Willis?) has a gsoh, and not want sex on the 1st date!! But if it was one of the above guys, maybe I'd break that 1st date rule.
Maybe the pet photo idea is not a bad one after all!
The chat room idea would be good, if it is in real time, like that suggested by AmiableGrump, hidden charms and Riversong1. A lot of interesting people and ideas are in these blogs. I know that I have become a bit hooked on them. An open chat room could be a lot of fun.
And serendipity or fate, I still believe in it, you just never know what or in this case who is around the next corner in your journey!! Now am off to bed as it is late , hope you all have a gr8 Tuesday.
Posted by: junebaby57 at July 24, 2007 12:10 AM
Spontaneity would be great if there wasn't such an attempt to create a pecking order like the top 100. Not really spontaneous is it? I think you can meet spontaneously-you take the punt to reply or initiate contact but somehow things can be a little too contrived. Nothing really spontaneous about the 'shopping approach' the spunks pick the spunks the good catches pick the good catches and so on and everyone else is left!! Perhaps a random chooser option in the searches that has nothing to do with number of views/emails/chats RSViP and so on....
Posted by: TheCannulator at July 23, 2007 10:38 PM
Re the chat room idea - obviously there would have to be some "charge" for that. I think a stamp each visit would be prohibitively expensive (especially if you only wanted to drop in for a few minutes and out again). How about one stamp gives you a month's access, or something similar?
Glad to see you haven't give up blogging, anokayguy, and hope you're feeling better now. I think you're right about negativity growing from people's buttons being pushed. Fear of "retribution" from the "wrath of the blog Gods," as I think Kaliope eloquently put it, needs to be risen above!
"Serendipity" is a lovely concept, moondolphin, positive and inspiring - and glad you had your own serendipitious (is that a real word?) encounter yourself, Beachmouse!
Posted by: Malsie at July 23, 2007 9:10 PM
I totally agree with Riverson1, a chat room is what is needed here. Of course you do realise that if RSVP were to give us a chat room then they'd probably lose money because then we'd be able to exchange information without having to pay for stamps, so I'm sorry but the negative me doesn't think it will happen, although the positive me says PLEASE RSVP can we have a chat room even if only for a short time each week.
Posted by: senee at July 23, 2007 8:44 PM
Trumanscat and Beachmouse - my luck on the plane is sitting next to the fat unco (married) guy who takes up more than his fair share of room! (no offence to big people, just my bad experience!)
Moondolphin - yep - missed opportunities - perhaps might make us more appreciative next time :)
Steraphsuzie - good on you! Things "happen" to those who make it so.
Justareallynice guy - I posted two messages of apology on the other page, but they don't seem to be getting through!
Fefya63 - what a great idea, the drawings (unfortunately, I've seen myself in a lot of other people's "ideals", but they don't have the same perceptions - eye of the beholder and all :)
Amiablegrump - what's "IRC"?
Gratitudegirl - dunno - the system seems to have a few flaws as well :)
Inspiring thought-provoking bloggs - thanks everyone - really enjoyable!
Posted by: Riversong1 at July 23, 2007 8:25 PM
How is this for spontaneity? Hey Riversong1, I apologise for inadvertently pushing your "sick" button and the overreaction to your recoiling in horror. My choice of words was perhaps poor due to some rose coloured glasses. As I said to Aliane, I am not here to get involved in conflict, as entertaining as it may be for the lurkers who derive some sort of perverse pleasure from it. My mood has been dark these past few days due to a massive allergic reaction to a new medication I am taking for arthritis - the one thing that keeps reminding me that I aint 19 any more.
Trumanscat, thank you for inquiring about my lady (Profile dealmakers blog) She is beautiful, everything I could possibly have hoped for and the relationship is very strong. The spontaneity has come from the way we have reacted to each other by phone, by email, by text and in person.
Aliane, it is great to see you're back too!
Posted by: anokayguy at July 23, 2007 6:04 PM
Spontaneity can still happen on a site like this. After 1 email each way, I was chatting online for the very first time and blurted out my home phone No. She rang straight away, we talked for nearly 4 hours and the rest is history, albeit one that is still unfolding. Giving out my phone No. was one of the more impulsive things I've ever done and ringing it was a real leap of faith for her.
Posted by: anokayguy at July 23, 2007 2:36 AM
I think it's a bit hard to introduce spontaneity to a service whose express purpose is introduction. If we were all here for some other reason, sure, but aren't the two mutually exclusive?
That said, some sort of chatroom like Riversong1 described would be good. Things like that give people a chance to interact without the overt intent, like these blogs do, but in realtime (like IRC).
Posted by: AmiableGrump at July 23, 2007 1:06 AM
I agree with yseult, a free stamp to contact a cupid match sounds like a great idea. I also agree with the others who want an interactive chatline - even if it is just on say a Friday night for a couple of hours.
Apart from those suggestions, it would be a bit hard to find spontaneity on a web site (unless RSVP offered a prize, like a lucky draw of a dinner for two if a person receiving a kiss or e-mail responds promptly).
Maybe instead of putting photos of yourself in your profile, you could put a photo or drawing of the person of your dreams, and see if anyone who looks remotely like the picture responds. From what I have read in other blogs, many of the guys don't actually look like their own photo anyway, so my idea may add a new twist. Or how about a photo of your pet - it is often said that people look like their pets. At least if the pet looks well cared for, there is a chance that you might also be well cared for by that person.
Perhaps RSVP could put up a spontaneity page that gives tips on spontaneity - such as not talking about your ex in the first phone call (I even had a guy tell me how many long term relationships and how many casual sex relationships he has ever had in that same phone call!!), or think up a list of interesting but unusual questions to ask, like 'what is your strongest smell-associated memory?' or 'do you sing in the shower?'.
I know, I know, I'm rambling on; but you have to admit - it is a rather difficult blog topic to really get your teeth into.
Posted by: Fefa63 at July 22, 2007 11:04 PM
Is life not spontaneous every day?? Whether you bump into someone unexpectedly or "kiss" someone on RSVP, whatever, you are doing the unexpected. I have only been a member on RSVP for a short while and whilst l haven't sent many kisses, 3 l think, and have received a few, the "unexpectedness" of what or should l say who comes up interests me. I think it takes guts to put a picture up without a password,(mine being protected for my own reasons that are no one e
sandman is preety well spot on. Net dating is all about the photos. Have noticed that the less attractive a woman is, the better their online etiquette is, and aslo promptness in replying.
Email a good looking one, you get frowned on as dirt ,unless you are a pin up boy, and you are not even worth sending a negative kiss response to. Princess syndrome galore here on RSVP!
Posted by: sandman Rocks at September 12, 2007 1:41 PM