RSVP Blog

I have tried both ways, having my pic visible and hidden and neither seemed to make much difference. Then I tried changing the primary pic and having it visible and that is what is there now. I do think that men want to see a pic and it is the pic which decides whether they kiss a woman rather than the profile itself.
But let's face it, we are not all oil paintings, so we need to put the best and most recent pic there. One that shows the face clearly, not hidden by sunnies or a hat.
I also change the way my profile is written from time to time in the hope that it will stimulate some interest. And then I sit and wait and hope to see a kiss pop into my inbox.

Posted by: mushie6 at November 22, 2007 7:27 PM

This one is a very interesting question, and there are merits for both sides.

Sure, showing your photo with no password can be fine, if you are photogenic, but not everyone is.

On the other hand, having a password on your photo can lead to your profile actually being read, rather than shallow people looking at your photo and thinking "ewww, I don't like how he looks, so I wont bother reading any further".

I can relate to timewarp1's blog post here. He's obviously been a victim of the increasing number of shallow "female canines". I think a lot of people forget that that those of us posting up a profile to attract a partner do have feelings too, and by others either not answering kisses/emails, or sending that horrible "She does not wish to correspond any further, [so you can go to hell]" response can be hurtful.

As an experiment, I put a password on my photo and left my profile as it was. I was very surprised at the much increased interest that I received. Many more kisses being sent to me, and even some nice emails. Now, maybe the old photo I had on my profile probably wasn't the best, but taking it off seemed to make people actually read my profile and see that I am indeed a nice guy.

So, I have now had some better, brighter photos taken and put them on my profile. It will be interesting to see what results I get now.

I like the idea of creatively embedding your photo password into the text body of your profile - its a clever way of checking to see if people actually read your profile.

And finally, to those that have sent me kisses and emails recently - I thank you.

Posted by: philby4 at November 22, 2007 6:43 PM

What an informative blog!
Thank you. 'Tis a question I have often thought about. I chose protected
because I work in an environment where to be easily recognized as being on here, would be inappropriate. I was most interested to read the pros and cons discussed and can see all points of view.
I would like to answer woodwine on the use of the word " eclectic' in music. I use it on my profile. I love music and I can't think of any kind I particularly dislike. But I am very discerning in each area and I thought if I listed all the areas it would be boring to read.
I also thought it would be pretnetious if I showed my knowledge of so many areas.
In the end, I think each one of has to do what we feel comfortable with.

Posted by: thalia123 at November 13, 2007 11:01 PM

Hey timewarp1, sorry to read of your hurtful experiences. This on-line dating can either be as you find it or an interesting voyage into the world of so many different women. From my experience in these things, the women have pretty much decided what they want and rarely will anyone outside those parameters break the mould.
Take it from me, I am 6' tall and strawberry blonde in a world that demands "dark". Go figure!

Posted by: whatcomesnext at October 29, 2007 2:24 AM

I see this choice (show or hide) as very different for men and for women. Most women in RSVP are fairly articulate - quite good with words. They capably explain in their profiles how they see themselves, and who they're looking for. Another woman could read the words in the profile and collect a lot of useful information, without any picture. And the same with a man's profile. Unsuperficial women are looking mainly for a satisfying man with a good nature, rather than film-star looks that will bring other women poaching. But most men are totally picture-it, rather than literate. This is something that some bloggers below don't seem to realise. Many men choose the product just by looking at the package, because it's actually only the package that they want, whether it's to delight their own aesthetic sensibilities by having ongoing access to its beauty, or just to increase their status among other men, by having a flasher, more-expensive-looking handbag. For the kind of relationship that these men have in mind and/or are capable of, the words in the profile are irrelevant - they're just choosing portraits from an art gallery, and don't want a catalogue full of words to distract them from the pictures. I like the idea mentioned by someone below of just having a fairly boring long-shot thumbnail photo that is immediately visible when you open the profile. Not close-up or nice-looking enough to interest the portrait-buyers and get them sending kisses without reading the accompanying text, but accurate enough to reassure the men who had actually read the words and liked the sound of the product, by letting them know immediately that the package was not repulsive enough to put them off the contents. But I reckon the best lurk of all is to sneak in the photo password well down in the well-detailed general blurb section, so that literate men can also check the more-attractive main picture straight away, and make an even- better-informed decision about sending a kiss. But my personal preference is for the woman to show her main photo to everyone (unless she has professional/small-town reasons), and I have a very personal reason for this. In the last nearly 2 years I've sent out most of 300 kisses to carefully-selected "not-impossible" females living near Brisbane and aged over 55. I've been amazed and disgusted by the results. Over 100 have invited my email, and that has usually led to a first date. Good. And another hundred have promptly replied to advise me that I'm not on their "shopping list", thank you very much. Good to know that, and soon. But what bugs me is that the other one-third have proved to be so conceited, self-focussed and unempathic that they haven't had the manners to use a couple of mouse clicks to say thanks but no thanks. And to add insult to injury, some of these have used their couple of clicks, but for a different purpose - to remove themselves permanently from my RSVP radar. If I was RSVP I'd redesign the programme so that until the first-received kiss has been actually answered in the positive or negative, no other incoming mail can even be read, or outgoing mail typed. That would make the site more profitable, by saving members from the off-putting frustration of being so frequently ignored and insulted. That's why I want to see their faces first - it's always the beautiful ones who lack the most rudimentary good manners. So I want to be warned off those selfish beautiful bit...s as soon as possible. By seeing their self-satisfied beautiful faces, before I even waste time reading the words in their profiles. My mother was a very wise woman. 50-odd years ago she advised me "Find a girl with a body that delights you, and a face that's plain enough to keep her humble." That's the kind of face I'm looking for, and I'll find you sooner if I can see it straight away.

Posted by: timewarp1 at October 29, 2007 12:43 AM

A pic is worth a thousand words.. is it not?? :D But it is only just a freeze frame of a moment in time, and i think a persons personality with distort the way you view them physically, if they are wrm caring and open then that will come across, any im sure everyone has had their share of good and bad pictures. But its sad i got absolutly no interest at all before i had a picture up so its got to count for something right?

Posted by: oceanavenuex at October 14, 2007 1:02 PM

Can I suggest to people that choose not to post photos that they write a comprehensive profile? After all we have to determine if there is some attraction so if we can't see a photo then we need lots of words. How could we decide if we are interested in someone if there is no photo and their profile is something like:
Music: Eclectic taste.
Reading: Not much of a reader, weekend papers maybe.
Movies: Yes, I like all movies.
Sport: Used to play sport now prefer to watch.
Other interests: Will try most things.

What does this tell you about a person and how are you supposed to be interested. I have seen quite a few profiles like this.

Posted by: woodnwine at October 11, 2007 11:57 AM

I agree with many of the views already shared.

I personally chose to only post a secondary photo with no password protection. The photo is intentionally a little distant just to give someone enough of an idea of my physical appearance, but not enough for them to be interested in me based on looks alone. This is a tactic I use to sort the serious people from the "players".

Secondly, like others here, I wasn't keen for work mates to identify me too easily.

I should add that I do only search for profiles that have photos available (PWP is fine), and will continue to do so.

I'd be lying if I said that looks aren't important to me and I HAVE previously chosen not to pursue something based on the fact that there was absolutely no physical attraction.

I won't waste someone else's time if I know there isn't physical attraction for me, but if I were looking to make friends, then I agree that photos would be totally irrelevant.

Posted by: blondesunshine at October 9, 2007 11:01 PM

Simple question, difficult to answer.

For me, putting my photo up is a reflection of my honesty and openness. It's just the way I do things.

When I look at others' profiles though I go by profile not photo. Either what is said or what I can manage to read between the lines. Sometimes I am attracted to a profile simply because the woman looks so beautiful, but after that only the profile counts. Sometimes I am put off by a photo ... which doesn't make me happy. If you have chemistry with someone then looks aren't going to matter a lot are they.

As advice I'd probably say to women put up a simple photo, one that isn't too flattering. Simply to limit the undesirables. Locking your photo makes sense if you are a private person but limits the number of people who will be exposed to your profile.

Basically, it depends on the kind of person you are and who you are looking for. And for short term or long term. Ok that's my 2 cents.

Posted by: hopefool at October 5, 2007 8:24 AM

As a female, to me, a partner is made up of 2 parts of equal value, appearance & character. Why would I even consider, a new partner who makes 50% of himself unavailable to me.

Posted by: mrsbubbles1 at September 26, 2007 2:46 PM

i password protect my foto cos of the reasons said here in the blogs: work things n ppl in small towns knowing who u r n try n throw tht in ur face.

the otha thing also abt pwp's is tht id like sum1 2 read my profile n c wht my interests n hobbies r n what im looking 4 in a gal n at least with my foto not being up there they can request it. just want the gal 2 make the effort 2 knw abt me n then if they wna c my pic they have 2 ask.

what women in their 20s n 30s have 2 realise is that the whole chemistry thing that u have 2 have a spark if theres gonna b a longterm thing is bull.

read this clearly:1st thing, it doesnt happen str8 away cos youre trying to look 4 it n r trying 2 b aware of whats going on around you just so u wanna find sumthing that is there. when ur having fun and njoying his personality the chemistry finds both u n the man.

and the other thing abt it also is that women here tend not 2 have a proper chat here n just ask 4 ur foto str8 up. what happened 2 having a proper chat, just getting 2 knw the guy n c what he is like, how he speaks, what his 4ghts r on things, what he is looking 4, n whether u 2 have anything in common, n thats with not having seen his pic. and 2 just ask 4 a pic afta seeing their profile? not without a chat n guage whether ur personality is actually there or not. thats if you have any.

Posted by: nickstudking at September 26, 2007 2:27 AM

ok, photos or no photo
your photo is just so people can get an idea of what you look like, not to judge you by.. this is just the first step to meeting someone, and certainly not to fall in love with a pic!!!! or for that matter to make dates before any further contact eg- MSN or other chat client..i for one like to see with whom im talking to as in a web cam before i set out to have a coffee. theres just so many fake people on the net.. pics can be so decieving in the hands of the wrong person...as i said before pics are just to get an idea of what a person looks like...how many people actually are happy with a pic of themselves....its not a true vision into the person.. just a pic of what they looked like when the pic was taken... thank you

Posted by: philorphan at September 23, 2007 11:56 AM

Its a numbers game, so you will increase your chances more with a photo. RSVP say it is something like 11 times more. I only look at profiles with a visible photo, because I feel its a waste of time contacting someone only to find I'm not attracted to them or vice versa.
I can understand that it can leave people vulnerable, but thats just the way it is.

Posted by: eureka1854 at September 13, 2007 11:19 AM

I believe making the photo visible is good as it goes into helping form the person in your mind. I also understand those who don't. When submitting photos, members should be required to disclose the date (mm/yr) the photo was taken, as I like others have met members whose photo does not resemble their present looks. Embarrassing.

Posted by: classicnotplastic at September 13, 2007 7:27 AM

This is interesting to pwp or not? It is hard when you are overlooked on just a photo, we are more than what you see on a computer screen. I understand that looks are important. But are they that important that you might miss a really great person. I personally hate how l look in a photo, speaking of which mine is a shocker as I took it myself. Then some have said that I look fine, after all if we put clam shots on that is not really who we are either. I just think it would be nice to read the person profile and not just dismiss on a photo.

Please bear in mind that this is my opinion only and not shared by everyone

Posted by: bellarob at September 12, 2007 9:38 PM

Attraction is important. It is what distinguishes an intimate relationship from every other relationship we have.

I believe we should put your photo out there so that people who aren't attracted to us in the first place won't waste both our time and energy in initiating contact.

Posted by: notaperfectgirl at September 11, 2007 7:52 AM

What an interesting blog! I just signed up to this site a few days a go. Never tried anything like this before.

I have PWP my photo, not because I am ashamed of it, but because it's MY business that I'm using RSVP. Not the business of distant acquaintances or workmates. I'll see how I go with that.

It's been very interesting to see people's views on this - I had been wondering!

Posted by: bluesixtyfive at September 9, 2007 8:55 PM

As a teacher, I can't take the risk of the 'kids' seeing my photo - and I know my year 12's think this site is a hoot! I know it matters what people look like - they have to be your type - but try not to be judgemental if people 'can't' put their photo up as opposed to those who 'won't'.

Posted by: FootyGirl67 at August 19, 2007 12:49 AM

I choose to hide my photo, when I had it on all I got were people who wanted "friends with benefits" or "booty calls". Trust me I am not fabulously good looking totally - average, complain about wobbly bits here and there and the rest of it.

I would prefer someone who actually read what I had to say - specifically the type of partner I am looking for. On the other hand there is no point responding to someone if you are not attracted to their looks either (I have a varied taste in men from Jude Law to the old dude that Angelina Jolie was married to, he was a spunk - yep don't mind some oldies) but you still have to be attracted to something about their looks, after all if you do end up with em you could be looking at them for years!!!

I rejected a total hottie because his profile said he wanted classy and sophisticated - which I am not. I can act it, but it is, after all, only an act. I am not rich, he obviously looked it - and I am way down the other end of the food chain. I am always scared that these people tend to expect perfection and I am only too human. Plus he was a bit of a distance away. There was no nice way of doing it RSVP doesn't seem to have an easy let down.

Anyway, it is choice to display your photo, I am basically shy, people who recently meet me may beg to differ, but that is just my "brave confident face" not the real me. Cut me, I bleed, reject me, I suffer. I am a big sook.

Cheers from WozntMe

Posted by: WozntMe at August 7, 2007 7:57 PM

Muso

good idea! That will sort out the ones that don't bother to read the profile.

Posted by: woodnwine at August 4, 2007 6:08 PM

Password protect your photo, and hide the password somewhere within the 'in my own words' part. Then ignore those that ask for a passsword.

Posted by: muso at August 3, 2007 10:10 AM

I dont password protect but it doesnt bother me if others do. I think nearly every contact i have had so far has sent me the password(except my ex but i know what she looks like already lol). I prefer to see the photo i supose but its not a major issue. Increases the anticipation for one thing.

Posted by: iamhomerclees at August 2, 2007 7:32 PM

l have my pic password protected and have had a dozen kisses in about 2 weeks. I have responded to all in some way or another and find the quantity of kisses l have received to be adequate, however there are some who l feel do not read my profile properly as they have nothing common, particularly in regards to distance.

l know l shouldn't moan about it but l don't like rejecting someone who doesn't read the profile properly. What to do????

Posted by: auntykaz at August 1, 2007 10:14 PM

Can't see the point of photo passwords. If every member on Rsvp did that, you would go out of business. What also really tees me off is when I use a stamp, in response to a "kiss" and hear nothing more, not even an acknowledgement. Five in a row, to date. What happened to good manners ?

Posted by: Rapparee at August 1, 2007 3:55 PM

Password protected photos = no photo.

Since I've been on here I have never gotten a password. Its such a lengthy and awkward process to get it. I have given up on profiles with password protection.

I should be able to filter Password Protected profiles. They clutter everything up and waste time.

Posted by: looknohands at August 1, 2007 9:02 AM

Get real people. It doesn't matter whether there is a photo visible or not. QUite often people with visible photos post photos that are 10 years old, mine is hidden but it least it is current!!!!
One fellow I met had gone bald and aged more than 10 years. He had a huge scar across his head and a mangled ear. So much for people with visible photos having nothing to hide. N.B. He was a nice fellow but don't tell people who hide their photo have nothing to hide when people with visible photos post ones which no longer bear any resemblance to them!!!

If you are too lazy to send a kiss to get someone's photo, you really can't be that keen to meet someone!!!

Posted by: sleeplessintheburbs at July 31, 2007 8:36 PM

I chose to password protect my photo when I first joined rsvp as I had never done anything even remotely like joining an internet dating site. I was very unsure of what to expect and a little scared to tell the truth. But, after reading through these blogs and experiencing dates/phone calls/emails etc and finally relaxing about the whole thing, I decided to put my photo on display.

What a different experience that has turned out to be! I get a lot more kisses from a lot of men who most certainly have not read my profile. Thankfully though, I do get kisses from men who HAVE read my profile and at least I know they've seen what I look like and are still interested. I used to get kisses from men asking for my password whom I then either never heard back from or they sent a 'no thanks' kiss. Takes the wind out of your sails a little!

So there are pros and cons to both sides but I think personally I'd rather lessen the possibility of direct rejection by having my photo on display. Or maybe I'm just a bit of a pansy when it comes to rejection!!

Posted by: nkp73 at July 30, 2007 9:19 AM

As a new member of rsvp - and also having never been on a 'dating' website before... I find the comments on this blog rather entertaining. There's pros & cons on either side...

For myself, I have chosen to password protect my pic, due to past 'issues' with ex-partners turned stalker.

At least this way (for now) I can filter who is viewing my pic, and can also email my password to other members I might wish to be in contact with.

Yes - the world is very different today - and I think a little security is a small price to pay, even if I get less kisses/emails from potential contacts. Also, I am genuine in my search for friendship first; instead of straight to bed!

ps - yes, that's my 'real' rsvp profile name.

Posted by: ascorpiorising2 at July 29, 2007 6:17 PM

romanceme4ever, I had a similar experience recently where I was waiting for someone and didn't recognise them from the photo. But in this case, it was because they looked much more attractive than their photo suggested (and the photo wasn't half bad!). So it works both ways.

I confess to being a bit of a heretic and actually reading profiles. Brains have always meant more than beauty to me so I like to see the person has some even if their interests differ, but of course there has to be some mutual physical attraction too.

I also confess to being a password protector - if they are going to take time to kiss me without seeing me, they must like something about the profile, always a good sign. But I always send the password when I get contacted or when I initiate contact - sure, I get a few knock backs on looks but I'm thick skinned and I get just as many that keep communicating.

Posted by: InsulaGilliganis at July 29, 2007 4:57 PM

I wish there was a kiss reply that read - I don't think you would be my perfect match but I think we could be great friends. This would be ideal if you are not physically attracted to a person but have heaps in common.

Woodnwine

Posted by: woodnwine at July 29, 2007 4:44 PM

romanceme4ever.....Some people think they still look like they did 10 years ago,( just older....ha ha)

Posted by: lipstick princess at July 29, 2007 2:39 PM

Pics aren't always a true representation of how a person looks anyway...I can't believe there are still people out there who post outdated pics of themselves looking years younger and kilos lighter.
I have met some rsvp contacts who are so unlike their pics that I have walked past them in pre-arranged meetings.How dishonest is that?

Posted by: romanceme4ever at July 28, 2007 7:15 PM

One thing I should have noted in my last entry, I took ONE POSSIBLE interpretation of Woodnwines most brilliant question (July 20, 2007 8:44 AM), which I personally think strikes at the very core of this topic.

Woodnwines question could also be taking a path to an answer for a person wondering on whether they should protect their password or not (i.e. the topic of this blog). Let me elaborate. When one puts a password on their profile, they are possibly delaying a rejection. Therefore Woodnwines question could possibly be interpreted as: "If I put a password on my photos, am I prepared to be rejected on the way I look?"

There are many other interpretations to this question. My comments were for dealing existing profiles (yes...slightly off topic and naughty).

Regards from: a_visually_spatial_introvert

Posted by: at July 28, 2007 9:20 AM

PS as I've said before, I have several good friends already, I am looking for something more - someone I can adore, emotionally and physically. Is that old fashioned? Hope not.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 27, 2007 11:19 PM

I can understand what people are saying about not just basing your interest on a person's looks and I for the most part do the same. If someone contacts me, their interests pretty much match mine but I am not totally attracted to their looks then I proceed. But if their looks are TOTALLY different to what I am after or find attractive then quite frankly, why take it any further? You are just prolonging the agony. After all, I am after a partner, a lover if you like, not just a friend. And for that there has to be (mutual) physical attraction. Frankly, I want to be with someone I adore not someone who I think looks average but is a really nice person. I don't think this makes me shallow (Hal), just someone who wants to commit wholeheartedly.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 27, 2007 11:15 PM

I have my primary photo password protected but my secondary pic is visible. This is just so when guys are scrolling down the list of profiles they dont stop at mine and send me a kiss because I have a half decent pic. My age and location, at a very minimum should peak their interest not the way I look. There have been times when I have had both pics visible and to my disappointment I get swamped with kisses from guys who are way out of my age range and locality. I am not trying to hide anything - thats why I keep my secondary photo visible, I simply find this a useful way to screen unwanted attention

Posted by: Jessy4 at July 27, 2007 8:43 PM

Vis Spat Into (July 26)"but I will never, for as long as I live, be able to hurt somebody without feeling a great deal of their pain (AS I PERCEIVE IT). Empathy!"

I totally understand what you are saying, and believe me I say this to you as a way of helping you with this dilemma and making your life less painful, eg minimize that pain.

This is your *perception*, not necessarily the other person's reality. You only have to take ownership of your feelings, not mine or any other pwp member. We don't necessarily feel pain as a consequence that you are not attracted to us.

For instance, I may have a twinge of dissapointment, but rejection is such a bigger feeling for me, and it only occurs when some-one I *really* like doesn't like me *after* meeting me. My previous comment may have appeared glib, but what I meant is you may be investing a little too heavily in what some-one else's feeling is or is not and thus letting that affect yourself in a hurtful way. Please don't.

Posted by: Gratitudegirl at July 27, 2007 3:46 PM

Woodnwine (July 20) & Vis spat intro...easy. Move on. S'OK Posted by: gratitudegirl at July 22, 2007 10:41 AM

Thankyou ever so much for the encouragement. We are all ruled by a combination of thoughts and feelings (percentages vary wildly as we are all very unique). I am very much dominated and ruled by my thoughts, till other people's feelings are the issue. All of a sudden my whole mental makeup takes a stupendous twist. I know we are all adults here and I know people's feelings must be hurt many times, else they are not trying hard enough, but I will never, for as long as I live, be able to hurt somebody without feeling a great deal of their pain (AS I PERCEIVE IT). Empathy!

What I was looking for in my comment about a potential blog was tips on ways to minimize the "pain I feel", which is inevitable, by minimizing the pain caused by the rejection of the person AFTER they have provided their photo password.

That thing (yes it's a "thing") some refer to chemistry while others say a "spark" (but it doesn't have a name) is VERY important to me.

I did not get chemistry/spark when I first met my ex(divorced). There was not as much physical attraction compared to others I had met at that time. Chemistry/spark happened after about the third time we went out. PLEASE NOTE: I must have felt "something" to get to a third date! This is important for what I'm leading to. When the chemistry/spark hit, it was like a lightning bolt twirling my head and heart endlessly. All of a sudden the physical attraction made leaps and bounds. When we kissed for the first time, the physical attraction miraculous "blasted off" and I was suddenly with the most "beautiful" person on earth (especially after what we did next).

Having said that, I know my friends would not say my ex is physically "beautiful" although most would definitely say "attractive" (note: I did not use the prefix: physically) while others that have never met my ex can only make judgements on what they "see". I personally have always made a great distinction between the words "attractive" and "beautiful" even from a pure physical perspective as I am attracted to a very different "look" to what my friends are. Attraction, for me, goes well past "looks". A person who knows they are not beautiful, may be very attractive to me. A quirky smile can make all the difference. Beautiful women that chew gum and smoke while frowning...not so attractive.

The way a person "speaks" to me & others (especially their mother), the way they look at me and the way they smell, all have a lot to do with attraction. Nothing in one's profile, picture or even video can help in this regard.

Most important of all is: "The way a person makes me feel" is what ultimately cements (or puts cracks in) a relationship &/or friendship with this person.

If I was to find a person whose profile was very close to what I'm after and they are looking for somebody very much like me, we are (in my opinion) "almost" a perfect match. To me the photo is the LAST piece of the puzzle, but just as important as any of the other pieces. If in DOUBT, I would go meet the person as experience has shown me the meaning of the well worn cliche "you cannot judge a book by it's cover".

Hypothetically speaking: A person who has the attitude and traits I am after has attracted me to the point where I have asked for their photo password.This person looks at my profile and photos (since I ALWAYS send my passwords with every Kiss even rejection replies) and gets excited. We share a similar love of music, movies, conversation topics, art, festivities, cuisine, mind games with the neighbour's cat, history, archaeology, recreation, sports, comedy, etc. So we are a perfect match. This person thinks I "look" great and is thoroughly delighted in almost every aspect of my profile, so they send their photo password along with their hope & dreams and aaahhhh...uuummmmm...NO BADA-BING not even a WAH-WAH-ZOOM-BAH...I just DO NOT feel ANY potential for chemistry/spark ...I just know [intuitively] WITHOUT ANY DOUBT whatsoever I will NEVER get to that third date...(I'll hand it back to Woodnwine at July 20, 2007 8:44 AM) "what do you do then? How do you politely retract your interest?"

Regards from: a_visually_spatial_introvert

Posted by: at July 26, 2007 11:18 PM

I will still contact people if the photo is password protected because you dont know why it is protected. Some people protect it for professional reasons (client recognizing them ect) some do it so they get responses from profile matches not appearance. I get alot of kisses from guys who dont come anywhere near my ideal patner match and have to reject them and then i feel bad. Im patient enough to wait for the person to send me their password

Posted by: slw at July 26, 2007 1:35 PM

woodnwine.
I never retract my interest based on a photo. if we have been able to chat and talk with some interest, i would always pay the courtesy of meeting at least once. Photos do not give the whole story.
I want my connection to go further than skin deep.
I have lived and learnt and the more you get to know someone the more attractive they become to you. A beautiful soul means more than a beautiful face.
If after a meeting there is no spark, then it would be the time to 'retract' my interest.
If you base your meetings on a pretty picture then you may just be letting the right one pass you by!

Posted by: lipstick princess at July 25, 2007 9:45 AM

Given I live in Sydney CBD I would expect the person that contacted me have his photo up or at least when they kiss you they give you their password.

I figure the type of person I want to meet is open and honest and reasonably social. If they don't have a photo or is password protected I automatically think what are they hiding or they are too private for me.

I could be wrong but if I was to meet someone in a bar or wherever I would know what they looked like.

Posted by: Tanya at July 23, 2007 11:31 PM

yseult, totally agree with you!!!!
I work in a large public organisation, also healthcare, and have interaction with many people, so my private life is very important to me.
If that means less kisses then so be it, l value my private life too much to have a situation such as yours happen to me. I think that l give a good amount of honest information about myself in my profile, and am comfortable in giving out my passsword once contacted,but will not, now or ever, put my pic up without a password. That's enough for my soapbox, having said all that......

I so enjoy reading blog topics on here and it has taken me ages to get through most of them. The regular contributors all have very insightful comments to make and yes l get the giggles very often. thanks all for being so open and commun icative.

Posted by: auntykaz at July 23, 2007 6:54 PM

Posted by: abitannoyed at July 22, 2007 1:21 AM

Hey, your post about the caps on their heads made me laugh, as I had noticed the number of bald men who put sunglasses on their head, sometimes in all photos they have on their profile.

Just go gracefully guys because if she cares about whether not you have hair, it doesn't matter how much you chat/email/telephone before you meet because when she sees you and realises that you have no hair, she is going to be a bit annoyed if you wrote "other" or blonde if you have no hair - or maybe she just won't care!

Posted by: gratitudegirl at July 22, 2007 10:41 AM

My sentiments exactly.

Posted by: yseult at July 23, 2007 5:45 PM

Woodnwine (July 20) & Vis spat intro...easy. Move on. S'OK -- those of us with password protected photos are comfortable with that dynamic. We know there's a fair chance that all the clever wordplay in the world won't make you be immediately attracted to us, unless you are! It's not superficial or mean, we are for the main part visual creatures. We (pp members) take that risk and have no expectation if you then don't like the picture. But jeez -- to let that fear prevent you from contacting the possible love of your life...such a loss hey?

Posted by: gratitudegirl at July 22, 2007 10:41 AM

hi, i'm a little annoyed after seeing a lot of these blogs. I have my photo password protected because of the type of work i do. it is a big security risk these days, and especially living in a small town where a lot of ex crims would know who i am and start something dangerous. i think it is important to be truthful about your hobbies, your likes and dislikes. my profile states i am athletic, go to the gym, play sports etc, yet i constantly get kisses or emails from overweight guys who list under sports "watching footy and motorsport on tv". it is really disappointing and a waste of everyone's time. i agree that it is so much easier with a photo and i too am guilty of skipping over the profiles where i can't see the person, but if everyone was honest about themselves then it wouldn't be necessary. i also think that if you aren't attracted physically to a person there is no point. that is such a big part of being attracted to someone. i have met guys in person off rsvp who i've only realised later have caps on in all their photos only to realise they are bald. people should show a real photo of how they are.

Posted by: abitannoyed at July 22, 2007 1:21 AM

Just adding my piece to the debate about whether anyone has a valid reason for not showing their photo on the profile:

I work in healthcare and on a number of occasions I have found myself in very difficult situations because people recognised me from my RSVP profile photo.

1 person brought a printed copy of my profile in to work and showed it to my business partner..and told him that it was inappropriate!

Another RSVP joker came in to work, apparently a mate of his (also on RSVP) - a patient who had recognised me on RSVP, told him where to find me. So, he came in with my profile and showed it to the receptionists and asked where he could find me. Great. That's because he couldn't be bothered using a stamp to contact me...

Most embarrassing of all was treating a patient who, unbeknownst to me, had also recognised me from my profile photo and started to put the hard word on me - and threatened "to tell everyone around here (work)" if I wouldn't agree to have a drink or 2 with him after work. He was booted out of the medical centre and intervention order taken out against him because he did tell everyone - on his unwilling way out the door.

So, it's nice to know that people recognise me in real life from my RSVP photo, but there is no way that I will post my photo unless I know whom I'm emailing first. It is too damned dangerous - personally and professionally!

Posted by: yseult at July 21, 2007 9:05 AM

I'm new to all this & have just started to receive kisses (not keen on that term would much prefer a “SMILE” as others have said) from men who have their photo protected, which is fine, but why not send the password if there going to take the time to send the kiss, after all they’ve seen my photo. My immediate reaction is to send a negative response as I feel like their not being open & up front or their playing games - rightly or wrongly but it doesn't build up any trust. I read the profile first before making a decision, although when I received one from a guy stating he was tall dark & handsome, I must admit I was tempted out of curiosity to send a "Kiss" back asking for his password, but decided not to as there was nothing much in his profile that interested me & I felt if someone is really interested, they would send their password with the "Kiss" – maybe I’m naive.

I'm also surprised when I receive a kiss from someone then go in to look at their profile & find there's hardly any information, or what's there does not match up with what you are seeking & no photo, so I’ve sent a negative response.

I’m finding I feel guilty for responding negatively to a "Kiss" but I don't want to lead anyone on by responding positively to their "kiss" if their profile doesn't match up with what I'm seeking or they don’t put any information in their profile.

Posted by: Borntraveller13 at July 20, 2007 7:14 PM

In what may appear to be a rant by me on July 15, 2007 9:16 PM was actually meant to be a statement of how I feel. I apologise to anyone who reads it differently. Try reading it with a funny voice in your head!

Sorry about the spacing, first post, wasn't certain how the formatting would come out, so I added TAGS to make it look correct in the preview....aaarrrgggghhhhh

Basically I love the fact that we have the choice on whether to password protect our photos or not. This is what I'm trying to say.

Yes I am a "very private to private" type looking for the same. RSVP is the VERY BEST type of service for people like myself and I consider the price of stamps a bargain. I can not think of any other options for introverts actually.

My EX (a VERY social type) thought I was "almost" perfect, just needed to change a few "LITTLE THINGS". We were engaged for a very long time and those "LITTLE THINGS" still did not get "corrected" [hmmmm] during that time. Would have been nice if I was told what was wanted/preferred BEFORE WE MARRIED!!! Luckily/Regrettably we never had children (no medical reason could be found) so it was easier to eventually divorce after a very long separation. Sometimes I feel I have been cheated out of some of the best years of my life. NOW: well now I want people to find out about ME before they see what I look like. "Some" find me very attractive physically and I find this usually gets in the way of "getting to know" the person (yes they want to get physical first).

For me, chemistry "could" happen with many people I have met. For some reason ALL the people who have sent me kisses are (in MY opinion) very attractive, certainly there is a potential exothermic reaction if we got into the same beaker, BUT I am looking for a "life" partner and want the relationship to last, hopefully forever, if not, at least close to that, therefore I am more interested in the persons WORDS first. For me there is no point in looking at pictures if it is just not going to work out.

I personally think I would have a significantly different attitude if I already had children. I would certainly be more mature.

A point made by woodwine: "then they send you their password and you really don't like the way they look, what do you do then? How do you politely retract your interest?" has been bugging me since the first time I sent a kiss. Wish I had the answer to that question. Topic for another blog perhaps?

Regards from: a visually spatial introvert

Posted by: at July 20, 2007 3:25 PM

lipstick princess

Nice comments and to each their own. The thing that worries me is if you read someone's proflie and believe you have a lot in common so you send them a kiss, then they send you their password and you really don't like the way they look, what do you do then? How do you politely retract your interest?

Posted by: woodnwine at July 20, 2007 8:44 AM

Ha ha Lipstick Princess! Maybe in that case it wasn't the brain that was running the show! :)

Posted by: Riversong1 at July 17, 2007 11:41 PM

my photos belong to me BUT i share.........

some of us are private people.
And whats right for one is not right for another.
Having my password protected does not reduce my contact. I have discovered some of the nicest chaps who have yellow boxes. And anyway, just cause the pic attracts you, does not guarantee a connection. In fact, if someone goes to the trouble of sending a kiss without seeing my photo, tells me a whole lot to begin with.
Each to their own though.I have learnt over time, its not always looks that bring chemistry. cheers.

Posted by: lipstick princess at July 17, 2007 10:32 AM

i would just like to add in that we are all in different situations with photos and profiles.my experiences have led me to believe that im better off not showing myself until i feel trust with a person.it pays to be careful and its a small world on the net.it never hurts to find out that your not compatible with somebody,it only can teach us a lesson.

Posted by: blackduckboy at July 16, 2007 9:36 AM

A proverb/quote [of disputed origin has been translated as] "A picture is worth a thousand words"

Some say: Ten Thousand words...whatever!

Here's MY QUOTE: "A million words cannot be as descriptive as a single picture"

Is a picture important to me. OH YEAH! ... would I put my picture on my profile without a password ... NO WAY!

Some like using SMS TXT, bad spelling, lower case i's, incorrect punctuation, no sentence structure, lots of info, very little info, paragraphs, NO paragraphs [ARRGH], 2 photos instead of 3, 4 or 5... In my opinion: This is STYLE (whether by conscious choice or not).

I am glad I have the option of being able to password protect my photos. Without that password, I would not post any photos. Hmmm...without photos, I would not bother to put up a profile to begin with.

Everything on MY profile, including MY decision to password protect MY photos, says "something" about ME.

I am looking to impress only ONE person (who will most likely have their photo(s) password protected aswell)!

Regards from: a_visually_spatial_introvert

Posted by: at July 15, 2007 9:16 PM

Just one thought. Reading the blog and was struck by the number of people who are saying they wont reply to profiles without fotos. How many of those same bloggers are using their real RSVP name when they blog?? Not having a go at anyone, i assure you, just seemed a little ironic

Posted by: iaqmhomerclees at July 14, 2007 12:10 PM

I just don't look at any profiles without pictures. Call me shallow 'cos I am.

I know waht I'm looking for and it is called chemistry. I've got a full life and that is all it is missing.

I only look if I've been sent a kiss with a password.

Posted by: Wishingandhoping at July 14, 2007 10:10 AM

Charismatic 83.
We see things differently. friendship to us females may mean an entirely different thing to a male.
to note..i once asked a guy why he puts the word on any girl he thinks may be interested.(or not!) the answer was he could ask 20 girls in one nite, and maybe one would say yes. after all, he is only after one......
i guess its all that testosterone, makes their brain go funny.

Posted by: Lipstick Princess at July 13, 2007 6:10 PM

I feel my photo doesn't represent the real me very well and this may also apply to others. My preference really is actual face to face contact.

I also prefer to let the words do the work first so to speak if I'm resorting to such a format to meet people.

A male I contacted didn't have a photo, I was interested in what he had to say. I didn't get a reply which I didn't take personally and haven't assumed why he didn't because I don't know. It might be that I'm slow at replying to kisses but I can't be sure.

I'm willing to be surprised and maybe those who are disappointed it has nothing to do with how they look but their personality because charisma can certainly make up for certain looks issues. It is also easy to pick and choose the best shots, it's harder to pretend to be a person you are not. Not amount of good looks makes up for a insincere, disrespectful, rude etc. personality.

Let us who choose to not have photos do it the way we want and take the consequences of few kisses.

Posted by: Genxfem at July 12, 2007 11:33 PM

Dayan - what a shame. I thought you had a great profile (yes, took a peak)! What's the experiment?

Posted by: tyme4fun at July 12, 2007 3:32 PM

Changed my profile, and now password protecting my photo. More as an experiment than anything.
And when I send a kiss rejection I'm going to send my pic password with it.

Posted by: dayan (no longer) at July 12, 2007 9:27 AM

I agree with Charismatic83 that the relationship categories can be confusing. I'd like one that says: Medium Term - not looking for a husband, just a steady boyfriend.

Posted by: Fefa63 at July 11, 2007 9:07 PM

Fefa63. Thanks for that, well said. Yes, have been away from the blogs for a while and in catching up I think I have come to the conclusion that I am *really*pleased that my photo is protected. There are so many bloggers leaping to very ugly conclusions, and if a password stops them (or others who think like them) from contacting me, I give thanks big time. I guess there is a fine line between expressing diversity of opinion, and passing judgement. I suspect I just crossed it too.

blessings all,

Posted by: gratitudegirl at July 11, 2007 8:01 PM

When i started on RSVP my pictures were not protected....but after reading this blog over the past month..... I decided to change it....Needless to say the number of kisses received are much much less...however from the kisses that I do receive, they are from people who I know have read my profile because we have more than one or two things in common, and the kiss message is about something specific they have read.. and not thinks u have a great picture or great smile
So I guess this Password setting is working for me....

HOWEVER...I would like people's opinion on the choice/meaning of this setting..
Under 'Update Profile' there is 'Relationship Preference/Relationship Sought' and the options are

Long term relationship with male/female
short term relationship with male/female
Friendship with male/female
Penpal with male or female

MY INTERPRETATION
Long term relationship = meeting with the intention of dating, falling in love, getting married, having kids, dying together blah blah blah
Short term relationship = intimate encounters, casual rendezvous, no strings attached, (I got mine, you got yours.. see ya!)
Friendship= Having that hangout buddy, getting together occasionally for a meal, drinks ,sporting games, concerts etc (nothing physical)
Penpal= someone across the country or state.. email, msn/chat maybe the occasional phone call...

My profile states friendship or pen pal sought with men.
( i'm the only girl in a family of 5 boys, grew up around men, easier to get on with, have had far less issues with male friends plus, we women hold on onto grudges for forever, we can be too much drama at times..I still love us tho)

Back to the issue at hand..

Not too long ago,I received a kiss from a gentleman who on HIS profile stated he was after friendship. I replied and gave him the password to my pictures then he replied with "He is flattered, and although you have some things in common, he is looking for someone different" LOL ..

If your profile states you are seeking Friendship or Penpal why should physical attraction matter? Surely people cant be that shallow to be friends with people they are only attracted to?

AND THEN a day after.. i received a kiss from another bloke whose relationship preference is short term or long term relationship, when i replied his kiss i included my pictures' password , he happened to be online and he started a conversation with me. Not even 3 minutes had passed when he asked me if i was into Adult Fun and weather i was interested in 'meeting up' for the night. To which I said OH HELL NO!!! However, i did thank him for wasting his stamp; being very honest and up front right from the beginning. I even sent him an email telling him that i thought he was on the wrong website, i suggested he change the wording on his profile so women know exactly what he is after. I even went as far as googling adult fun and forwarding some links to appropriate sites. He was pretty cool about it :)

Don't worry, I am not bitter.....i was not offended...it just got me thinking what these preferences really mean...

Posted by: Charismatic83 at July 11, 2007 2:28 AM

Like Gratitudegirl (June 9) and Ninoschen (June 8), I work in a position that makes it difficult to display my photos. It is NOT due to insecurity or selfishness, or as dayan (June 12) suggests - fear of gossip. Most of my clients are aggressive, and many have unpredictable mental health issues which can make it extremely dangerous to allow them access to any part of my personal life, no matter how "innocent" it may be. I don't want clients seeing me on the net and knowing the area I live in, or that I have children (whose safety may also be at risk of these clients). I am concerned that if a client sees my picture they may "invent" a profile and make contact with me, which could lead to them obtaining more information about me before their true identity is revealed. My concerns are justified, as colleagues have already had this happen to them by posting their photos on dating sites.
An anonymous blogger on June 9 suggested that RSVP bring in a feature where password protected photos are made visible to others with a photo. I believe that many people would choose not to use RSVP if this were to happen. People can (and do) use other people's photos or old or unclear photos of themselves on RSVP, so I would not necessarily know if I was being contacted by a client at that stage.
I have chosen not to have a photo on RSVP at all. I had password protected photos for a short while, until I received a Kiss from a man stating that he liked my photo. When I checked - my photos were no longer password protected. I immediately took the photos off and wrote an e-mail to RSVP Support (Still waiting for a reply).
As Chrissyinoz (June 13) also pointed out, your photos can be inappropriately displayed by anyone with access to the net, and Riversong1 (June 15) pointed out that anyone can check up on them. For me that means my ex-husband, my own children and their friends and any recent dates. Scary stuff!!
As delpinus (June 15) said - it is up to the individual. stirling74 (June 22) was right in saying that the challenge is in thinking up a catchy headline. I still get plenty of Kisses and e-mails, and from the e-mails it is obvious that the men responding HAVE read my profile. After we make e-mail contact, if I am satisfied that I want to, I e-mail my photos to their private e-mail address. I agree that looks are important, but sometimes discretion is equally important.

Posted by: Fefa63 at July 10, 2007 3:07 PM

I recently was sent a profile headed : "What you see is what you get"; the photo was password protected.
I didn't waste my time.

Posted by: Graham666 at July 10, 2007 10:31 AM

Fabfi - I like your idea of sending a smile rather than a kiss.

I have been very surprised to read some very strong opinions about the photo with/without password & it has caused me to give a lot of thought to the issue. I choose to hide my photo, because as someone has already said, I don"t like the thought of my photo being in the public domain. I appreciate the problems that can cause but despite hiding my own photo, I realised after reading what others have said that I also tend to pay more attention to profiles with photos, so I guess I'm a hypocrite!

While I agree that physical attraction is an important part of a relationship, I'm not sure that a photo is sufficient to ascertain whether such an attraction exists (though there are certainly situations where you know that it doesn't).

When I think back over relationships I've had in the past, I can't think of any that have started on the basis of an instant physical attraction. The so-called "chemistry" has almost always occurred after a period of getting to know someone.

So tonight I set myself a challenge of focusing on the content of profiles without worrying about the photo. By this I mean REALLY reading them, not just skimming the service. Even for profiles with photos, I'm reading first, looking second. I'm going to try this for a while, & just see what happens. I think maybe its time I approached this whole thing with a more open mind.

Posted by: tyme4fun at July 9, 2007 10:20 PM

ooh now u be careful woodnwine....admitting u need 2 be attracted to a potential partner....im sure u will be accused of being shallow & u will be told ur missing out on the best people....
i find it funny how some people refuse to acknowledge that attraction/chemistry is not important. its all relative. its abt who YOU find attractive. that may or may not be someone who everyone else finds attractive too.
so i agree with u, gotta see a pic 2 know if its a yay or a nay.

Posted by: geminikj at July 9, 2007 6:16 PM

Hi TheUnHomer

some understandable comments but generally I think you may be making all this more difficult than it needs to be. Can I politely suggest you let your guard down a little and be more open to what may come your way? If we all expect the worst guess what we might just get. Reading some of your comments you seem to be going for the lowest common denominator instead of the highest.

Anyway, I hope it all works for you and please just accept these as kind comments from a friend in cyberspace.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 9, 2007 10:50 AM

Haven't commented on this for a while but I would like to go over what I said some time ago. Where do people find the time to read all the profiles? There are hundreds of them, even after you put in some requirements like non-smoker, age, area etc. Maybe I am not being restrictive enough in my search but hey, I am open minded.

I know I am missing out on some great ladies but I just don't have time to read every one so please, please, please post your photo. After all we are all looking for someone we are attracted to aren't we? Nothing wrong with that.

And just so no one comes down on me like a ton of bricks, yes, if I find someone attractive in their photo I read their profile carefully and thoroughly. On this basis there are several people I did not send a kiss to because our interests, requirements did not match.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 9, 2007 10:43 AM

Only a minor annoyance.... men who send me a kiss but fail to include their password....
It's a minor irritation as I said but I suspect it does prolong the hurt when I return a "no thanks" kiss which I am sure they believe it's the photo that was the decider. I may have been wavering before I saw the photo.

Posted by: TrumansCat at July 7, 2007 1:46 PM

Thanks everyone for your comments!! The date went well. Have another coming up soon!!

Posted by: Loulou62 at July 7, 2007 12:39 PM

Photo or no photo ? There is no right answer.

I prefer to leave mine password protected and find it makes little difference but it's a great filtering device for me. If I receive a kiss, at least I know there is a fair chance someone has read about me.

I'm looking for brains and beauty ideally but not as the only possibility. But if it's only beauty and not much brains, things are not going to last too long for me and I'd rather not waste every one's time and effort. Hopefully any kiss senders are in that category too and not just kissing everything that appears (but they might be) .

If I send a kiss, I'll send it without a photo initially once again to do a bit more filtering. It doesn't mean it's certain to work but once again the receiver hopefully has read my profile and is interested enough to then reply asking for my photo. I'll always send a reply with a photo password at that stage and I'll reply to every kiss with an honest reason - well the closest best answer available.

What happens next - well at times I refuse to buy another stamp if I've 'done my money' a few times with non responders. Sometimes, I'll initiate the email. One things for sure though, if someone has spent their money emailing me, I'll do the right thing and respond and give an iron clad promise to but the coffees if we end up meeting.

At the end of the day there are no black and white rules - we know the photos can be old, the profiles can be wishful thinking, there are plenty of scumbags out there playing games and it's pretty much pot luck and the only way is to trust your instincts.

The other thing is that 'desperate' is a really bad look and sound so I run a mile once I detect it and refuse to compromise my values - no matter what. If someone replies or doesn't , I never read anything into it and never take it personally.

Back to photos - I've been very pleasantly suprised by the nice compliments I have received when things do get to the face to face stage - beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder and what appeals to one is a total turnoff to another so be yourself and look forward to being pleasantly suprised.

Maybe see you out there one day !

Posted by: TheUnHomer at July 7, 2007 11:19 AM

nowandbeyond......
Yes, physical attraction is the way of the world.
However, I take on the motto......TRANSFORMERS...More than meets the eye.

I am definately MORE than a picture....deeper than the paper its printed on and have more to offer than lustful pre sleep time activities.

As for the lioness ONLY mating with lions WITHOUT full maines.....are you trying to tell me I should meet balding men...LOL

My pic was put on simply to give someone an idea of what I resemble, on a good day (you know....we DO have bad hair days).

In a nutshell I felt dirty and used...and I had never met this guy and will never do so.

Nope, this pic stays PWP and my profile invisible until I find a profile which I wish to respond to.

Posted by: womanof2007 (not real RSVP name) at July 7, 2007 10:13 AM

come on ....
physical attraction is the way of the world, whether you are human,animal or insect, no matter what creature there has to be attraction.
Did you know the lioness will only mate with the lions who don't have a full maine ??? Mmmmm!!!
Not just animal instinct!!!

Posted by: nowandbeyond at July 6, 2007 8:28 PM

Woohoo.....second blog EVER...

As explained in another blog topic.....I have chosen to PWP my pic as soon as one gent informed me of his nightly habbits after seeing my pic.

Hmmmmm I think hes a sick puppy myself cos I'm nothing to be getting excited over other than the fact I am female.

Am now reconsidering getting into this sort of meduim to "meet" people and have hidden my profile until further notice.

Great thought how I can still read others profiles and make a descision as to wether I send smiles or not.

Goodluck (still) to all of you

Posted by: womanof2007 (not real RSVP name) at July 6, 2007 7:58 PM

Hi LouLou62

Just checked your profile and it look's fine to me. Maybe the second para is a little long and could be broken into two to make it look better? I was a bit surprised however about your perfect night out - catching your own food? Quite unusual, I thought, but hey everyone is different.

I know you say you have a reason for not posting your photo but don't be too disillusioned because as you said in your profile "there must be some Chemistry happenin" so we just have to realise everyone is attracted to different looks, thank goodness. Don't take it too personally, after all most people are here looking for life partners, aren't we? I'd be more worried if there was NO Chemistry but they still wanted to go out with you. That would suggest a one night stand to me.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 6, 2007 10:46 AM

Hey BaldwynNights

Why not just post your photo and stop all the mucking around and complaining?

Posted by: woodnwine at July 6, 2007 10:24 AM

Very interesting ...just discovered these blogs. I have now taken my password off... I just wasn't sure about it. I didnt want to be judged for my looks I guess. But by the same token it is horrible when someone contacts you and they dont have a photo up.. you have to ask because we do get so much from looking at a person... are they honest looking, open, friendly.. and we have to have some attraction, whether it be a whole face or just eyes or a mouth. I also hate the choices of response...why cant we have the option of a single line of our own at least? I also am not keen on the fact that you have to send "a kiss" because it already has an intimacy attached.. I would rather send just a "smile" more of handshake, because you dont walk into a party or a bar and immediately kiss someone... you smile at them! Just a thought

Posted by: fabfi at July 6, 2007 7:21 AM

I agree with Patience's first comment on this all.

How many times have I felt guilty for rejecting a guy after I have read an interesting profile.

If guys think they are being rejected probably you are. Well, actually not probably. You are being rejected because your profile didn't measure up to the physical attarction one feels drawn towards.

I know I am not shallow but in cases such as interent dating, sometimes you have ONLY ONE chance to make an impression and to get your 'foot on the door' and if you don't do it right, that door won't open.

Personally, I have no doubts that I may have missed probably attractive people (to me anyway) because they don't display their photo. I simply don't click on them to avoid myself the aggrevation and disappointment of taking the time to read something from someone who may be a match intellectually but when the picture is revealed it's not someone who I could have a romantic relationship with.

Posted by: Cheerfulkitten at July 5, 2007 11:31 PM

I wonder at the age of some of the above writers. As a mature person, looks in a photo are my last priority. I guess I have a smaller group to search, but I check out all the profiles in my "ideal" bracket, and respond according to their profile whether or not I've seen their photo. If I send a kiss I send my password, and expect many to not respond. And a photo captures only a fleeting second of a person - spoken by one who hates having photos taken, as I never feel they do me justice. As for the person who thinks you can tell everything you need to know about a person from a photo, I'm not clairvoyant. Ever watched Spicks and Specks Muso or Murderer segment??

Posted by: naturelover13 at July 5, 2007 2:41 PM

I think the photo setup is excellent. I like to keep mine private until I know definitely who i am talking to. If the chaps dont like it that is their problem. I work very hard at painting a true picture of my type of woman on the written profile. If looks are everything and my personality is of no concern to them - then i am not interested.

Posted by: humournpassion at July 5, 2007 2:39 PM

This is a really interesting read. I am one who has a photo shown on my profile, as I believe it is honest and upfront to include it. I would like the same in return from people who contact me.

Also I really believe that everyone has a unique criteria as to what is attractive to them. A well written profile will speak to my brain, but there is the need for that elusive spark! On a dating website, the photo is the only indication of what that physical attraction is or if that spark might be there. It is a shame that some people don't use current or clear photos on thier profiles.

And, what about the profiles with one line or hardly any info in them. Again , I expect info in return for the info I have provided on my profile! If you are on a dating website, at least show honesty and interest in what you are doing.

PS - I do understand that if you work in defence, security, secret squirrels, police or like related jobs, that you would not probably want to display a photo, but these are what I consider the exceptions.

Posted by: junebaby57 at July 5, 2007 11:54 AM

Posted by: Notfos at July 4, 2007 3:04 PM

Ha Ha Notfos--- mate I've had similar experiences. Many and frequent kisses from women lurking my profile, loving my sense of humour (updated daily), saying how much we had in common and how much fun we could have together.
Whilst I matched every other criteria, I didn't/don't fit "their" narrowly prescribed cultural background requirements. Instead of replying to their Kisses, I send mine with a pic password and voila! "Thanks but no thanks!" (and no girls, I'm not ugly - just too Southern European evidently)
Another time, a woman breathlessly emailed her interest...I replied thanks, drinks on me, and oh, BTW, here's my pic password...stopped it dead right there, but hey, that's her $9 bucks gone, not mine.
And without opening a new blog topic (on the other hand ED., go ahead) and to pre-empt disapproving comments, I will say that it's my choice to proudly - and simply - identify as "Australian", nothing else.
Don't agree bloggers? Feedback welcome.

Posted by: BalwynNights at July 5, 2007 9:01 AM

i find it all really interesting picV's no pic. the only reason mine is not posted is because I have to find out how to do it, i am not as yet very computer savy. anyway if nothing else RSVP is a bit of fun

Posted by: MezaB at July 4, 2007 9:41 PM

Oh dayan, that is so funny. Dodged the bullet..
I agree with your comment about the choice of response thingies, they suck. No, they are down-right rude! Could we stab a little deeper please? You haven't offended me enough, I need more! What about: No, you are not for me, I've heard you kill mosquitos and we can't have that in a personality.

Posted by: RCDA at July 4, 2007 8:57 PM

LouLou62 you have a great profile..of course it made me curious enough to want to see you now so I sent you the request!
How was the date?

Dayan I hate that one too..it is quite nasty.

Posted by: patience at July 4, 2007 6:26 PM

Have read your profile LouLou62 and I think it's just fine, but I'm female and actually read profiles before looking at photos. Have you got some male friends who could pass an eye over it for you? Their thoughts would be far more relevant than mine :-)

Posted by: VictoriaDownunder at July 4, 2007 4:31 PM

On this subject I have one story which made me chuckle and still does. My photo is password protected and I noticed a an RSVPer was continually the last member to view my profile. I didn't contact her as I'm a smoker and that was listed as one of her criteria - "don't-smoke". Well she sent me a kiss with password to her photo and wishing to see my photo.
Now as I'm kind and considerate (and reading between the lines of the profile very well might I add) I thought it would be better not to reply to her kiss but to send my password in a kiss from me. Which also gives her all those fabulous reply options.
I am sure you all know the reply.

Blah, blah, blah, but I didn't match her ideal partner profile or whatever it actually says along those lines. I'm still laughing !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Notfos at July 4, 2007 3:04 PM

Why password protect your photo? The one thing I worry about most is sending a kiss to someone who has their photo password protected and then they send me their password, I see their photo and there is just no attraction. What do I do then without offending the probably very nice person?

That is not to say I think the person is necessarily unattractive, just not my style of person. I am a realist and know the type of person I am attracted to and wish to be with someone I adore in every way.

And ladies, please don't get on your back foot here because I think ladies also know what they are and are not looking for. EG my ex always hated it when I grew a moustache and would not kiss me. Some women adore shaved heads, others detest it, some like muscles, others don't etc etc. Let's get this right, are we looking for partners here or just friends? I am looking for a partner, but an extra friend is also always welcome too.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 4, 2007 8:30 AM

Right... That "you dont match my ideal partner profile" rejection notice has to go.
Its the only one that pisses me off.
If you fit all mentioned parameters listed in ideal partner and you get a "dont match my ideal" answer. You're being judged by your photo. Now wouldn't have a problem with this other than with replies from faceless individuals, who I hope are ugly too. Thankfully some of these uglies forget to pw protect their secondary photos and I get to think "Phew.. dodged the bullet with that one."

And I've come to terms with no replies. 3days and you're out "Loser".

sssighhhh.... much better out than in.

Posted by: dayan at July 3, 2007 7:22 PM

LouLou62, couldnt agree more with your comments. I dont have my photo displayed either, but am happy to send my password if anyone wants to see me. It's not because I have an ex-husband lurking in the shadows to worry about, because my husband died. For me, I dont want people judging me for having an RSVP profile since my husbands death -some people in the world believe that when a woman becomes a widow, she should be a locked away in her home forever, never to find love or romance again, and why should my life end because my husband's life did?? I'm still a pretty attractive and active women with a pulse, and look at least 10 years younger than my biological age and I want to be loved again just like the rest of us.

Physical attraction is one part of the chemistry in creating a relationship and photos are the only medium through RSVP in which we can make an assessment as to if we could be attracted to you.

So in closing, needing to see a pic is a two way deal, so if you dont have one, dont expect a response back - and please dont keep emailing me kisses if you dont provide a photo.

Posted by: ConfusedRSVPer at July 3, 2007 3:55 PM

Haven't read all these comments so forgive me if this has already been said. I rarely look at profiles with hidden photos as I wonder why it is hidden. My suspicion is based on the fact that my ex was cheating on me on RSVP whilst we were still together..........with a hidden photo! So now I wonder who else has something to hide. I understand that sometimes people believe they have legitimate reasons or are shy but come on, you have to show who you are eventually.

jaybe1

Posted by: jaybe1 at July 3, 2007 11:17 AM

I think photo's should be available for us to all view. I am not shallow, but I only look at profiles that have a photo. I do think that looks do play an important part in the process. If photo's where displayed straight away and you felt that you had elements in common with them, then potential for further contact is higher, rather than waiting for the photo and then seeing it and feeling no connection. Or if you have your photo password protected, when you send a kiss add the password! I don't kiss blind either. Hey whats with people contacting you and saying "we have heaps in common" and actually they don't have anything in common? Are they not reading your profile throughly!!!!!

Posted by: naturally321 at July 2, 2007 2:00 PM

When I first joined, I was so embarassed I hid my photo! Now I know how many people are out there looking for someone, I realise there is no need for shyness! Hence photo is posted; I just wish more blokes were not so self-conscious!! :)

Posted by: soph1 at July 1, 2007 4:47 PM

Have just discovered blogging (havent been on here for long)..... and just have to put my 2 cents worth in here.......
I have a valid reason for keeping my photo password protected for work/security reasons, dont need my face out there for all and sundry to recognise.... But am happy to share it with anyone that requests it. What amuses and amazes me is the amount of people who send kisses requesting pic and then dissappear off the face of the earth!! Even better are the ones who I e-mail and chat with and as soon as they see the pic are gone..... not sure what men my age are after, but maybe they should realise that I have lived a life and I'm sure I haven't been too battered by it .... may not look like a 21 year old model anymore, but for an old girl (hehehe) I dont think I'm too bad..... maybe my perception is out of whack??? Was in contact with 1 man (he knows who he is) for about a month...e-mail, chat and phone..... couldn't meet up for various reasons...work, broken cars, family commitments,... set a date... sent a pic and POOOOF...........he disappeared!!! LMAO....I know I'm better off without people like him, but it does make you wonder about people..... I have recently been in contact with a man from another site, and things are going OK there (even after the big "you show me yours and I'll show you mine" thing....... We plan to meet up on Monday..... so wish me luck!!
Everyone here seems so nice........would love some feed-back on my profile...I'll even show you the dreaded pic if you like!!!

Posted by: Loulou62 at July 1, 2007 2:35 AM

yes, that is right...look to your history books Suzie

Posted by: at June 30, 2007 9:38 PM

I wonder what all the bloggers think about all these random people looking at their profiles. I have to admit that curiosity has got the better of me and I've looked at the profiles of many of the bloggers.
I also checked out collectedstories after dayan suggested that she had an amazing profile. Wasn't able to find her so I'm now wondering if all the attention from us curious bloggers (male and female) freaked her out a bit. Or maybe her amazing profile worked for her and she found the man of her dreams.
Keep blogging everyone. It keeps me entertained.

Posted by: suzysure at June 30, 2007 5:12 PM

Personally I have been on this site before without a photo and have had more responses to when I have put my photo up this time round. Obviously I am not what men want in looks. I connect more with people without a photo and I would think that is mostly because I am online a lot and never see who I am talking too, but really if you can communicate well without a photo then when you finally see the person it doesn't matter what they look like as you have already established a rapport with this person.
I get more rejections now with my photo and it's bad I know but I hate having them taken but I believed in RSVP saying I would get more hits with a photo, well I think it's more kicks in the pants now.

Cheers and thanks for reading.

Posted by: goonellabah2002 at June 30, 2007 8:22 AM

Has anyone ever seen or read Beauty and the Beast? hmmm well maybe a few on here should do that. Look beyond the outer ...It really pisses me off when people keep knocking the idea about getting to know someones inner self ..and that looks count and so on and so on...Shallow shallow shallow. What about the Ugly Duckling? beautiful story.
You know I wonder what those people who look at the outer beauty would do if they had a child and it was disfigured in someway or disabled..would you love them any less? What if it was YOU who was disfigured? Would you expect to be loved any less? Your beauty comes from your soul, your heart and your mind...NOT your skin, your eyes, face, body.
I think people on here should just be thankful they have the ability to enjoy the lives they do.. the freedoms they have. Maybe we should all stop worrying so much about ourselves and care more about our world and our fellow man..and what we can do for them.
Just a thought! :-)

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at June 29, 2007 9:20 PM

Ultima Wizard...I am not defeated by your family secret....I have the Pina and the Colada, a whisk and the will to experiment...

On the subject of thinking that people don't read profiles...I think this is likely if they are so far out of your age group to be ridiculous or perhaps someone in the Top 100 who has been there for sometime....they will be the ones trying to generate action to keep them up there. I believe that people do read profiles and even though they may not match your ideal they are attracted and then hope that maybe you will be too so send a kiss. They probably think there is no harm in trying and really there isn't....

Posted by: patience at June 29, 2007 6:52 PM

I'm with you UltimaWizard...we need to like different things! I just snuck a look at your profile and it's really well written...don't change it!

If we didn't like different things the beach would be crowded at sunset, there wouldn't be a bottle of red wine left in the bottle store and there wouldn't be a copy of Shawshank Redemption left on the shelf at any video store!

It certainly isn't being shallow wanting to see who it is you are talking to - it is just human nature.

Woodnwine - you make some good points too - I'd not want any nasty little surprises. If I wanted a "blind" date - I'd have taken up friends' offers!!! Personally I prefer to see what I'm getting into!!

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at June 29, 2007 12:01 AM

Yes having a picture up is certainly more eye catching then that frame with contact me for my picture or password protected. However i have been on many dates and i have not been able to recognise them from there picture as either the picture is a decade old or they are long distance shots. In those cases you my as well not put a picture up as you don't look anything like it anyway.

Posted by: sicumrex at June 28, 2007 11:14 PM

Well patience, once again your rebuttal is fair and just.Sorry, but the mousse recipe is a family secret...In all honesty, everyone DOES like different things. We are all unique. I don't pretend to know anything about the opposite sex. But I do know one thing - I'm not going to change my profile because someone else tells me to, especially when they are on this website as well, and can't claim to have any better understanding of such things.My profile is fair dinkum honest, and it'll stay that way. I've been getting kisses, so there must be something about me that sparks of magic. I just haven't clicked yet with any of them, so to speak.If there are people that have been on rsvp for years and years and are yet to find that special someone, maybe they do need to think about changing something.Everyone deserves a bit of love. Just don't go blaming people for being shallow, because everyone is except the blind person.

Posted by: UltimaWizard at June 28, 2007 9:03 PM

Thanks Patience

And let's not just focus on overweight people. Some people might think someone is too thin, or not like the way they dress. Some women don't like moustaches or beards, others do. Some people adore the gothic look others don't. All this doesn't mean that they are bad people it just means we are all attracted to different looks - thank goodness. I for one just happen to think a relationship has a better chance of blossoming if two people like the way the other looks and presents themselves.

Posted by: woodnwine at June 28, 2007 7:50 PM

UltimaWizard ! Come here my lad ...I do agree with you that the yellow boxes are offputting and that we as a nation are in danger of becoming "weight challenged." Other than those statements I don't!!
If you are 26 6'3 and a male it is not that hard to keep the weight off...or in your case put it on in the first place!
Not everyone who is overweight is a sloth and doesn't care about their health or appearance.
The females of the species have a different makeup to men. They have a greater percentage of body fat(thin or overweight women) than men. This is natures store of energy in the event that the woman becomes pregnant and needs to provide nourishment to enable a live birth.
Men have more muscles, Muscles use a lot more energy(kj's or calories) to run. That is why it is important for women to exercise if they want to maintain a healthy weight..it helps to maintain their muscles instead of more fat layers.
Women are also shorter than men and have different Hormones which also favour easy weight gain. Sometimes the female Hormones act to stop the correct processing of food...doesn't happen in men.
So men have a much easier time of maintaining their ideal body weight.
Now, can I please. please have your recipe for Pina Colada Mousse???and don't leave out the vital ingredient or else.....

woodnwine I agree with you...always have....it is not shallow to want to be attracted to someone before contacting.

Posted by: patience at June 28, 2007 6:11 PM

Well, it's day four of my "visible" experiment and I have received way more kisses than normal. Good news huh?

Sadly though, 95% of them are from men that don't even come close to what I'm looking for... makes me doubt my profile is being read at all.

Oh well, such is life on RSVP!!

Posted by: VictoriaDownunder at June 28, 2007 4:52 PM

Hi mystery person June 28

Of course I read the profiles of people I am interested in, in fact I read them very carefully. I don't just look at the pictures, it's just that I don't have the time to read every profile on RSVP, I wish I did. If you do, you are lucky, you will probably find more interesting people because there are many here. Why would I want to look in Playboy, that seems like a silly comment.

Good luck with your search.

Posted by: woodnwine at June 28, 2007 2:42 PM

Each to their own on photo displaying. You hear over and over that personality is what matters. For all you guys know a password to enter a photo might reveal the full package you were looking for...oh but depth is there first ...oh and similar interests and something to talk about.

Posted by: hpygrl31 at June 28, 2007 2:18 PM

Wow so much agression from so many people it's scary. Put simply, people are attracted to who they are attracted to. That's not prejudice or shallowness it's just a fact of life. So why not post your photo straight up and only get contacted by people who are attracted to you - both your looks and your profile? Isn't it that simple?

PS sorry for all the questions but isn't that what blogs are about? Oops another question.

Posted by: woodnwine at June 28, 2007 12:32 PM

all i can say to you woodnwine and Ultimawizard, if you cannot take the time to read the profiles and just wanna look at pretty pictures, buy yourselves a copy of Playboy and try and contact a bunny. Get real guys, read the profiles, don't be neanderthals.!!!!!!!

Posted by: at June 28, 2007 11:54 AM

Good point wishfulthinker03. I have met some ladies after seeing their photos and if they hadn't approached me I would have walked straight past them. Luckily they were nice ladies but they looked nothing like their photos. Why?

Posted by: woodnwine at June 28, 2007 10:48 AM

Ladies, post your photo with your profile please. Some degree of physical attraction has to be there before you can decide if you want to get to know the person better. Also, there are so many profiles listed I simply don't have the time to read every one so I don't even look at the ones without photos. This doesn't mean I am shallow just a realist and probably means I am missing some great profiles. So go on, take the plunge, what are you hiding from - your husband?

Posted by: woodnwine at June 28, 2007 10:41 AM

I'm sick and tired of searching for women and seeing the 'yellow box'.I'm sure a lot of guys are with me when I say looks do matter when someone is such that they cannot look after themselves. It is a sad fact that too many Aussies are becoming obese, which I believe is the biggest problem. I'm proud to say my photo is recent: I AM that thin. I don't need anything else (except maybe a close-up of me grinning, that frown can't be helping). If someone doesn't want to show themselves, I just don't bother with them. Password-protected photos are in the same boat. It isn't hard to stay in shape. I don't exercise one iota, yet I don't put on the pounds.It's not about being vain. It's not about 'looks-are-all-that-matters' (I have the 'average' box ticked at present). Personality is equally important, and I love a great smile. But how is anyone supposed to get an accurate picture with out-of-date or 'passworded' photos? In the end, these people are only fooling themselves.My advice is: buy a cheap camera, snappy-snap yourself, then upload it via usb port. It's that simple. Matter of fact, I'll do that this weekend. One photo of myself at a distance doesn't do me credit...

Posted by: UltimaWizard at June 27, 2007 11:21 PM

EternalDreamer posted on June 16

"Does anyone else have the same person looking at your profile over and over (thanks to the little who last looked at you button), and yet NEVER make contact???? Is this common?"

I have the same person there for days on end !! Could they be jammed ?

I feel that the current options for the display of photos to be fair and diverse. There could be a myriad of valid reasons for password protecting one's photos.

Having someone jammed on it could be just one of them !

Posted by: HappyYetHopeful at June 26, 2007 9:03 PM

Password protected - hmmm..I have stopped protecting mine after first taking part in this blog...while I get more "kisses", some of them are a lot less desirable and obviously haven't read the profile (only looking at the pictures???). I'm not opposed to older men (or younger ones for that matter!!), but why do we list age preference (as a ballpark figure) and still get men old enough to be my father and boys young enough to be my son - WHILE they can see my photo? Am I giving out the wrong message here?

Just on the lighter side...while reading these and finding men do not like "Glamour shots" (or whatever they are called these days), I came across a lovely looking man, just down the road as it turns out and he sent me an email - wheeehooo I thought...however, he then sent me a password to view his other pics..I swear I was looking at a totally different man. So much so that had I arranged to meet I'd have walked past him three times or more before I realised it was him. Why bother? That is just as bad as posting the "before" shot, before you put on 15kg....

To password protect or not - hmmm..I'll just keep changing my mind on that - and see what it brings!

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at June 26, 2007 11:16 AM

romanceme4ever...dont think thats vanity, think its being in denial! lol

Posted by: geminkj at June 25, 2007 11:37 PM

VictoriaDownunder ..thankyou! and I had a little peak at your profile and sent you a kiss..a lot of us girls on here have done that and are becoming quite close.. I love your cat!! it looks just like my Mac..I have two cats, Coco (tabby) and Mac( bit less ginger and more tan than yours!)
Oh and Riversong...Sent you a kiss too.!! You both seem like wonderful people!!

I have spent more on stamps getting to know the girls of the blogs then trying to find a fella! hehe ;-)

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at June 25, 2007 11:30 PM

I have no problem with having my picture on display as what I have said in the text of my profile I am not ashamed of.I am honest with my friends and associates and they know I use RSVP to increase my social network. I have met many interesting people on this site..only grudge I have is that I can't believe how many men are so vain that they post pics so old that you don't recognize them when you finally meet them.So sad...

Posted by: romanceme4ever at June 25, 2007 9:07 PM

I'm new to this so I hope I'm not stepping on any toes here by making comment. This has been an interesting read. I guess there are pros and cons for both having a visible pic and having a pwd protected pic. I kinda like the idea that there is a choice. I have to admit though that without a pic or the password, it is hard to know if there is any initial attraction and lets face it...we are visual beings (well most of us). I still like to thoroughly read the profile (yes some of us do read them!) even if I like the look of a guy, sometimes the profile puts me off completely. I agree with Piskottaki, it's the whole package in the end that counts. There has to be a blend of many different aspects of someone for there to be a real connection. I don't really see a problem with hiding the pic but I doubt that I would ever actually meet someone whose recent picture I hadn't seen first. I have had an experience already of the profile pic being about 10 years old. Why bother? Sets a precedent for deceit in my book and that's not a good foundation for any kind of relationship.

Posted by: Mysterygirl5 at June 25, 2007 8:54 PM

Mmmmmm, just tried an experiment... I made my pics visible today and have have received more kisses in the last ten hours than in the last week, yet the profile wording remains the same....

And SeraphSuzie, I bet that's their loss indeed:-)

Posted by: VictoriaDownunder at June 25, 2007 8:20 PM

Well I have nothing to hide..and have learnt that people will take me as they see me. If they are genuine they will read my profile and learn about who I am rather then what I look like. The others well I usually work them out pretty quickly. ANd they miss out on the extraordinary privilege of getting to know me ;-) hehe

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at June 24, 2007 3:11 PM

Hi All,
Good topic. I have tried protected and unprotected pic on my profile.
an unprotected profile gave me kisses from ppl i had to turn down, i dont want to do that, because it is hurtful.
Also i want to be contacted by ppl who have read about me before they have seen me and not based their contact on what i look like.
if i am contacted and i am interested i always respond with a pic.
also if i am contacted with a kiss that just says please send a pic and they dont have one either, then sorry no cigar either.
If i contact first the password is always included.
I use this site because of the privacy it offers, and the choices I have.
I dont want my choices taken from me.
If a picture is paramount to your contact, then you have the choice to only select those.
If it isnt, we have that option also.
I have found also that most i have met are far nicer in person than any photo displayed.

Posted by: privacy matters. at June 24, 2007 9:20 AM

Well at the risk of sounding egotistic....I will not diplay my photo becuase I get too many kisses.....I want interest based on who I am, not what I look like. Whether we like it or not....people judge a book by it's cover - it's human nature! What ever our reasons, it's our own choice to hide or display.

Posted by: (not real name) at June 23, 2007 8:53 PM

Blog #6. See other topics for explanation.
I HATE having my photo taken, and 1/6 is all I could force myself to do. Maybe I'll update the profile and the photos one day soon, but in the meantime I'm just loving the blogs. The profile has become secondary. I get a bit of interest which is a great boost for the ego, and look forward to more in the future.

Posted by: TishB at June 23, 2007 7:52 PM

hmmmm. i'm lost. maybe i should of hid my pic(i may have been contacted by someone then) lol

Posted by: abrisman at June 23, 2007 4:22 PM

Insightful comments, Piskottaki. I think I may be one of the ladies you refer to with the "tight" comment... but I was referring to password request kisses FROM men. If I send the kiss, I'll spend the stamp, but not if they initiate the contact. Same goes if I invite a man out - I'll happily pick up the tab. Fair's fair and I think equality is still alive and well :-)

Posted by: VictoriaDownunder at June 23, 2007 2:25 PM

This blog has really given me something to think about as i have my photo password protected. In my case I do work with the public. I do checkout profiles of guys with photo's and pwd protected pics but won't bother if they have no pic at all. Bad experience recently on a blind date. I do believe that there must be some degree of physical attaction.

Posted by: rocky71 at June 23, 2007 11:08 AM

I always read the profile of those with hidden pictures, and then wish I could put a face to the words - send a kiss...get a password and send mine (on the "hidden" days) and often not hear a thing. Why are people so slack in sending a "thanks but no thanks" reply? I'm thinking RSVP should make it impossible to delete until something has been sent back. I don't find hiding my photo gives me any less contact...and Angus...yes we do read profiles, just read yours and of course now I'd like a pizza!

ShybutPerky...the ex has been on RSVP a while, and dated a few women (good luck to him, great guy just not the one for me), and I let him know he should perhaps proofread (yet another blog) his profile and he went scarlet red...it was good for a laugh if nothing else :)

Hiding your profile is a personal choice, not a major issue, nor a way of "hiding something". I like a bit of mystery - nothing better than opening a profile with passwords and finding a drop dead gorgeous guy smiling sweetly - of course its to do with looks...it isn't someone's fantastic personality that catches our eye across a crowded room in "real time" dating now is it??

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at June 22, 2007 9:16 PM

It seems we're not in Kansas anymore! It's amazing where a little curiosity and a few mouse clicks will get you. What a different world this is - first time here, but I thought I might offer a suggestion.

Dale Carnegie once wrote "if all else fails, throw down a challenge". This was, of course, in an entirely different context but it seems that it may also provide an option for dealing with the issue of profile vs picture.

Even though we are all instinctively drawn to profiles with pictures, I would hazard a guess that even if there is no picture visible, the headline is scanned.

Perhaps another option is to put your password in your profile. Lay down "the challenge" in your headline, create enough curiosity for a look, but force people to read your profile before they see your picture.

Just a thought, D

Posted by: stirling74 at June 22, 2007 12:42 PM

If you're only looking for a pen-pal, it's perfectly fine not to include a photo; it shouldn't matter what you look like in that case anyway.

However, if you're going after actual, physical-world relationships, not making your photo publicly visible goes a heck of a long way towards cutting out a lot of people who might be interested.

As a guy, this is how I look at it... If you're not showing me your face, it tells me you're insecure. You might write all sorts of wonderful things in your profile, but you're too insecure to even show me your face. Whether that's a work-related reason or not is completely irrelevant to me.
Why should I have to crawl into a cave and drag you out when there are other women there braving the open? It doesn't make sense to me. Yes, you may be a hidden treasure, but... the wall of insecurity does little to tempt me.

Look at it this way... In the 'real' world, you don't walk around with a bag over your head (at least I hope not!). You just accept that you will be liked by some people and rejected by others. The same logic should apply here. The attraction between two people will NEVER be complete without the physical aspect.

Strong, long-lasting relationships aren't those ones where the people connect on some incredibly deep, intellectual and emotional level. They're the ones where physical, intellectual and emotional attractions are brought together and delicately balanced.

If you cut remove any one of those three from the equation, the balance is broken and your perception of the other person or their perception of you becomes skewed and inaccurate.

In other words, I'm 100% against hidden photo galleries. If you only care for intellectual interactions, don't include any photos at all. If you do include photos and hide them though, then the last thing you should be doing is complaining that you don't get many hits.

And another thing... to the ladies who called the guys who don't respond to their 'kisses' with emails "tight", I only have 1 thing to say... Why don't YOU buy stamps for once? Why is there this unwritten law that the guy is always the one with all the money and should therefore be the one buying stamps?
I've bought stamps before. I sent 6 emails to which I got no replies at all. I would have thought that replying to an email which costs almost $10 to send would be the least one could do, but apparently I was wrong.
So what's the motivation for us? Where did all that equality stuff go?

Posted by: Piskottaki at June 21, 2007 9:40 PM

interesting. i personally read the profiles of those i look at. i guess it depends on what your after. if your looking for someone to actually date with a possibility of a long term relationship, then wouldn't you like to know if that persons personality, likes and dislikes suit your own. wether you like someone the same as you, or if oppisites attract. as for photo's. i think attraction plays a big role (not athe biggest role) in bringing two people together. a bit rich coming from someone who looks like i do. but i wouldn't contact a lady just on her looks. well. thats just one persons perspective. happy blogging to you all

Posted by: abrisman at June 20, 2007 12:30 PM

Hey there angus you want a pocket rocket brunette with a brain. see i read your first line , and didnt like that for a start. Yes I read profiles and i am sure that there are others that do, thats why there is so much discussion on these blogs re likes and dislikes and truth and liars, and people who spend too much time looking at themselves in the mirror. Its about communicating ........................Try it

Posted by: cookbrekkyfor2 at June 19, 2007 10:13 PM

I find an increasing number of women in my searches who don't have a primary photo, but will have visible secondary photos. Whether by some grand design or not, I'm not sure.
So if you just search profiles with photos, you don't actually get ALL the profiles with photos.

That said, a photo is good, but I can start to read some profiles with beautiful photos and be totally put off by the written content.

Posted by: dt1974 at June 19, 2007 10:04 PM

I have noted your absence BeachMouse....
Wishing you much good luck with your life..... I suspect we won't be seeing much more of you in the future.. XXX

And did fail to say Riversong1 that you have lovely photos....thanks for the kiss.

Posted by: TrumansCat at June 19, 2007 9:11 PM

Angus1971: I do, but only after reading their comments on the blogs.... puts a picture to the name.

I don't even bother looking at profiles anymore, been burnt too many times.

Posted by: dlad54 at June 19, 2007 7:39 PM

Yes i actually do read...i do find it somewhat interesting and it tells u a little about the person and you'll get an intuitive feeling if you're going go do anything about it or not ,usually not haha. Thanks Riversong1, your kind words have given me hope and skydiving isnt all that. I like everyone here (well almost) it's like a little family...which i'm lacking in Perth, so this is good. :)

Posted by: delphinus at June 19, 2007 12:36 PM

>> Oh please! Does anyone actually read the profiles on this website? I think not!

Absolutely ! But only those with public photos.

Posted by: Angus1971 at June 19, 2007 7:36 AM

Personally I wish that RSVP would change their search results so that when you search for profiles with photos only it would exclude those with password protected photos.

Posted by: Angus1971 at June 19, 2007 7:34 AM

Thanks Delphinus.
I must agree, there are such lovely people in here that I'm reading the Bloggs instead of searching through profiles and my stamps are about to expire!

It's not often we have the opportunity to hear so many different points of view from such a diverse range of people. We all have so much to learn from each other, and sharing experiences is a buzz when being single sometimes feels like a lonely journey.

Keep blogging, keep positive, and keep that lovely smile :)

PS And remember, if your patience (sorry Patience - that's a small "p") gets thin:
If at fist you don't succeed.... skydiving is not for you!
(Lucky we get a second (and third!) chance at everything else!)

Posted by: Riversong1 at June 18, 2007 10:51 PM

dlad...thanks for the compliment, profile is hidden again as I think I may have been "snapped up". cant help but keep reading the blogs tho...

Posted by: BeachMouse at June 18, 2007 5:42 PM

Riversong1 Omg I thing you're gorgeous! Anyhow thanks for saying 'hi'. I love the thrill that everyone is 'peeking' at everyone from the blogs. So much more fun. Well it really is up to the individual if they want to post their pic up or password it. Isnt getting to know the person and seiving out the non-matches the point of online dating anyway and patience may find us someone or die trying.

Posted by: delphinus at June 18, 2007 1:05 PM

Eternal Dreamer, the ex sending a kiss now that's close to home.
I was sitting at my ex's kitchen table discussing issues regarding the kids and he enquired as to how things were going for me at rsvp, given that my profile was hidden at the time me thinks the man is doing more than just driving passed my house.

As I have mentioned earlier.. I have one photo visible what you see is sort of what you get in that case. I don't crack any mirrors and no one has actually had any adverse reaction looking at me so it can't be all bad ;) Someone kisses me and sends me their password they get to see the rest of my pics, it's not rocket science, but still offers me a little privacy after all this is the www and photos can be downloaded and kept from the site..
Hey Ed can you do something about that.. so others can't actually save your picture to their desktop?... I don't even want to think about why they would do that.

Posted by: shybutperky at June 18, 2007 11:14 AM

I find it very frustrating when men contact you ask to meet spend time money and effort , and then blank you hear no more, they are totally not what they say they are , i have met several guys not one was honest on there profile ,so I am very unsure about continuing on rsvp, are there any men out there who really want a relationship

Posted by: luvllady at June 18, 2007 9:24 AM

Ok honestly, i'm very experimental. I am curious how people react when i put my pic up or password it. And realise that there isnt much of a difference. I've also changed my profile so many times just because i was bored with what was on and decide to write about a different part of me. Some people prefer one part more than some others. It doesnt mean i'm lying or trying to hide, i think that there're more to a person than what's written there. And I honestly dont usually go for those pictures where the men are good looking because maybe that's all they have. Ultimately there should be a balance of a pic and profile to see a maybe fit?

Posted by: delphinus at June 18, 2007 1:33 AM

Have a little story to share with you all....

My pic is password protected - for reasons I listed on a different blog - and I made contact with someone who also had a password protected pic.

We exchanged photos and I made the comment that he looked familiar. He didn't say anything at the time (except something about a good head for radio!!!) so I let it ride and didn't think anything more of it. Later in a chat session, he made a comment that was very job specific, which I picked up on immediately. I went back to his pic then and realised that I DID know him. I had a great time while he was trying to work out who I was, but he finally got there!!!!

I learned more about this guy in a couple of hours chatting than I had in two years working in the same building as him!

So I now query how important looks are in the big picture. This guy was right under my nose - well I was under his, he's a bit taller than me :) - for two years and neither of us gave the other more than a cursory glance or comment. Now I live over 3,500km away and we've discovered how much in common we have. Maybe if I'd known I wouldn't have moved.......

Oh well, I'm going to enjoy this ride methinks! Gives me one more reason to pay regular visits to Bris Vegas :)

Posted by: hippychick06 at June 17, 2007 6:22 PM

eternaldreamer... you should have sent him the password!!! Haha the final say in oneupmanship

Posted by: dayan at June 17, 2007 6:07 PM

Thankyou dlad54, and the hairs natural.

Of course you can use the same byline.

I like your attitude as well, honesty is one of my favourite things I like in others.

And as for the too old, too far away... true (your not old but out of my age range), but thankyou for the compliment, you put a smile on my face.

Posted by: maxie1972 at June 17, 2007 12:25 PM

maxie1972 - beautiful smile (natural), adore your hair (different).

Attitude: So close to what I appreciate. (can I borrow your byline?)

Too old, too far away... bugger!!!!

Posted by: dlad54 at June 16, 2007 9:40 PM

Photo visible....photo not visible....hmm...what a choice. I swing with the wind, some days my pic is free to see, other days it's hiding - just a choice. I seem to get kisses either way but must admit, often I send a password and never hear from them again - their loss is my philosophy :) I dont like my photo being taken and it's not like I have a huge selection to post - so that is a problem. Also, I've been "kissed" by my ex which was kinda funny and thankfully my photo was hidden - but nice to know he was still "curious".

Okay....it's an individual choice. I have nothing to hide, just don't like the idea of being ogggled. Does anyone else have the same person looking at your profile over and over (thanks to the little who last looked at you button), and yet NEVER make contact???? Is this common?

Posted by: EternalDreamer at June 16, 2007 9:31 PM

I dont see what all the fuss is about. Firstly,having a password protected photo IS having a photo on your your profile! You just have to ask permission to see it(eg. a kiss! and they are free by the way). People have all sorts of reasons for password protecting their photo,s and there rights should be respected. Secondly, if your only looking at profiles with pictures then your missing out on a good percentage of the people you came here to see! If you cant be bothered reading a profile,then you dont want to find someone bad enough. Thirdly, its just plain bad manners not to reply to a kiss. I dont mind being rejected, but find it frustrating not to know whether they even got your kiss or not. The saving grace is that it weeds out the selfish just like pwp,s weed out the shallow!Finaly, I think that first impressions are very important.Theres nothing wrong with the way i look, it just is,nt my best feature. Any one taking the time to read my profile would find that out! Maybe the people complaining about no photo,s are scared of sending a kiss because they might be rejected instead of them doing the rejecting.Thanks and more power to the beautiful girls sticking up for pwp,s.

Posted by: optomystic1 at June 16, 2007 11:18 AM

Thanks Ninaschen, as a new "Blogger", I wasn't familiar with the protocol, but just wanted to introduce myself (not "secretive"!) Wasn't sure whether it was the right to do - didn't want you to get the wrong idea! (Sorry I didn't do the same for our male Bloggers, cos I didn't want them to get the wrong idea either!) (But it's available on request.)

You also sound like an amazing woman, as well as some of the other Bloggers here. What a lovely group. Pity we all live so far away, or we could organise a "Blogg meet"!

By the way, I was too late to tune in to the "equity" conversation on the other page (away for long weekend), but loved all of your comments. Perhaps Garfield could take some lessons fom dlad54 re how compliments work better than insults for making new friends!

Posted by: Riversong1 at June 16, 2007 9:39 AM

I've been on RSVP since mid april. I at first had my photo password protected, after recieving a few kisses and then telling them my password.... what happened you guessed it no reply.

I now have my photo visible, either like me for who I am or not at all (this is my personal belief and choice). I respect others rights to show or not show their photo.

Sorry my photo is about 12 months old, I have been trying to get a replacement cord for my darn camera to put on a more recent photo.

I am more concerned with what is written in a profile, especially if they don't like kids ( I'm a single mum with 2 kids).

Oh and an average woman is size 12-14. Beauty comes from how big your heart is not what size you are.

Posted by: maxie1972 at June 15, 2007 11:46 PM

Dlad54 - thank you from me as well (even if I don't have my pic visible!)

Posted by: Riversong1 at June 15, 2007 8:06 PM

I'm not quite sure where to put this comment but think this is the most appropriate blog and I hope the two people concerned see it! Thank you to both Riversong1 and TrumansCat for being so respectful to a fellow blogger and sending me a kiss with your password, after I checked out your profiles. It does my old heart proud! You are both amazingly beautiful women on the inside, and out.

Posted by: Ninaschen at June 15, 2007 6:40 PM

dlad54....told ya the age thing was open ;-) And thanks its nice to know I can brighten one persons day up :-)

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at June 15, 2007 4:21 PM

I couldn't agree more Riversong... I find a PWP acts as a filter keeping the more "shallow" types off my radar. I'm interested in people who will read my profile and want to make contact based on that, more than what I look like.

My photo is pretty average, but it's current and available upon request:-)

Posted by: VictoriaDownunder at June 15, 2007 4:20 PM

dlad54 thank you for the compliment kind sir (as she flutters her eyelashes).

Posted by: TrumansCat at June 15, 2007 3:23 PM

Totally agree Delphius - each to their own, whatever works for them. I personally don't like the idea of everyone on the World Wide Web oggling my pics (including my ex, boss, grandma, and kids' friends??) though I give the passwords to anyone I might be interested in. No need to be confused, each to their own; self-righteousness is not a nice thing.
I don't belittle those with their photos on display. If they judge me to be "secretive", "ugly" or "hiding something", well bad luck - they miss out - it screens out the judgemental types, like you said!
R-E-S-P-E-C-T!

(PS Average size? Among models in magazines size 6; Hollywood movies about 8; Australia and real life probably 12-14. "Average" means take a walk down the street and have a look!)

Posted by: Riversong1 at June 15, 2007 11:20 AM

I'm terribly confused because I mean whether people decide to show their pic or password their pic is up to them and whatever reasons behind them may very well not even be close to all the negatives that were mentioned. Yes there are a few who might be less than honest but ultimately passwording your photo doesnt make u a bad person. Is it even right to judge or stereotype people due to certain actions (like passwording photos) which may well be 'innocent'. Also can someone tell me what average size equates to? It's not about pleasing everyone but more like it's so tiring, and do i even want to be involved...

Posted by: delphinus at June 15, 2007 2:52 AM

TrumansCat.. Gota love yah!! :)

Posted by: chrismatic83 at June 14, 2007 9:31 PM

......indeed You did TrumansCat.....and more power to You.....in my view, the blogspot is a far more open and truthful narrative than many of the profiles I've read and subsequently tested here at the temple......there is no shortage of spin and impression management in the profile pages is my experience......but there ARE gems amidst the glitz and gloss.......Weta (artdeoc51)

Posted by: Weta at June 14, 2007 9:11 PM

pwp is a personal choice. I have my main photo visible and others protected, you kiss me you get to see the rest of my photos. But I think more to the point is that fact that people post photos that are not recent. I want to see a photo of you this year, so that when we meet I won't walk passed you. I'll look at your photo album if we get to know each other well enough. Yes, physical attraction is important, but not all of us take brilliant photos, so the photo is only an indication, surely its also the person within that we're interested in, cause at the end of the day you need to be able to talk to each other too. Otherwise the cosmetic surgeons on the site will be advertising two for one deals in their profiles. =)

Posted by: shybutperky at June 14, 2007 9:04 PM

I tend to think that rsvp should GET RID OF PASSWORD PROTECTED PHOTOS. I agree, why be on here if you don't want to show your face?? Are you hiding form someone?? like the wife or girlfriend?? Wouldn't that in a way weed out the players??

Posted by: Sonn at June 14, 2007 8:02 PM

As billy3141 put it, I also have been forced to look at profiles without photos (scary move) as the people with photos aren't all they appear to be with the exception of:
Trumanscat - sneaked a peek.... nice!!! I could swim in those eyes for hours.
SeraphSuzie, we maybe incompatible, but whenever I feel down I look at your photo.
Patience - you are DDG! (swoon) - your Santa photo looks a little like Julia Roberts
daisygirl73 - second photo looks similar to Callie on Greys - and she's hot.
BeachMouse - thank you for putting your profile up - why haven't you been snapped up by now???
Riversong1 - love the poem, printed out and on my Loungeroom wall.
If I keep reading (blogs) long enough, my future will be here somewhere.
I don't say much, but I'm always reading.

Posted by: dlad54 at June 14, 2007 7:10 PM

and intelligent and smart and humerous, and feminine....................

and thats enough of that or her head wont get into rsvp let alone any other part of her.......................

xx

Posted by: cookbrekkyfor2 at June 14, 2007 2:31 PM

I'd like to know what we can put in our profiles to stop the endless contact from NIGERA, RUSSIA or GHANA based profiles.

Obviously RSVP doesn't take too much care when it comes to allowing these would be scammers onto the site.

There would rarely be a day where I don't get a kiss or email from one of these phony profiles.

[Ed: Thanks Rezonator, let me assure you that RSVP makes every effort to prevent scammers accessing the site. We have a team of staff checking profiles for content as well as a number of technical implementations which limit scam activity. If you are contacted by a scam profile, please forward details to our support team who will happily investigate. ]

Posted by: Rezonator at June 14, 2007 2:03 PM

Did I mention big AND gorgeous...?

Posted by: TrumansCat at June 14, 2007 12:50 PM

I have been on a couple dates where the men have misrepresented themselves, photos did not match the reality.

One of the issues I have on profiles - photo or not - is the body type.

It is SO subjective, people (note: people not gender) putting average when they clearly are not.
I am a big girl, I have 'large-ish' on my profile, clearly stated.
Perhaps RSVP can do a body guide similar to a clothing catalogue.
If you don't like my body type (which clearly many of you men don't, getting personal now...) reflect on what that size means, move on or stay & explore....

Posted by: TrumansCat at June 14, 2007 10:05 AM

to those of u who believe that having a password protected pic is shallow, sneaky, egoccentric etc....let me tell u my experience. Some tosser at my local gym thought it would be a tremendous laugh to print off my profile which included my visible pics, & post multiple copies all over the gym. I was furious, mainly for the reason that my profile states that i have kids & they also attended the gym. Everyone has their reasons for protecting their pics so perhaps a little less judgement & a bit more understanding is in order.

Posted by: chrissyinoz at June 13, 2007 9:07 PM

I have started looking at profiles that don't have photos as I have found that many of the ladies I have contacted have misrepresented themselves with their photos. I have had two occasions where women in the 48 50 age range have put photos of themselves when they were in their mid thirties onto RSVP. Along with this they have 'mis-led' with their interests, home location, employment and most other aspects of their profile. They are wasting their time and mine. It is for this reason that photoless profiles are attracting more of my attention. I have found that the se women tend to be more sincere and honest.
Billy3141

Posted by: billy3141 at June 13, 2007 8:34 PM

Obviously another blog that individuals feel strongly about......
Hang on?! Isn't this JUST a internet dating site? Someone clear that up for me.....
It's not a life or death situation guys/girls (I better be PC).
We are made up of so many elements, unlimited in fact.
I respect your desire to see a photo, I respect your right to hide it for WHATEVER reason you choose or motivation. Don't have to justify it to me....

Posted by: TrumansCat at June 13, 2007 5:03 PM

Thanks for the heads up Dayan...it is brilliant. Makes me feel so inept!!! She will be wondering what all these people are doing checking her out!!!

Posted by: gypsy (not my rsvp name) at June 13, 2007 10:01 AM

How I look at it, We are here to find friends, partners etc. If a photo help some make a choice who they contact then the people who get contacted are the winners (maybe) Those who choose not to have a pic, and that is their choice will have to put more effort in other areas.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder let he or she make a choice and go with it.

Posted by: shogun54au at June 13, 2007 12:18 AM

I am attracted to men whose intelligence & wit shine through their writings irrespective of whether they have a photo posted or not.
Part of the delight for me is the anticipation..... it's a bit of a treat for me to find my mental picture of this attractive man (because that is what he is in my imagination) marrying with the reality. It works sometimes...

Posted by: TrumansCat at June 12, 2007 10:42 PM

I choose to pwd my photo as I am not comfotable having my picture in the public domain. If someone is interested in my profile they will contact me, if not, no loss as I won't know:)

Posted by: sunnygirrl at June 12, 2007 8:36 PM

nothing to to do with this blog but seeing as its the most current...
collectedstories has the best profile ever. have a look.

Posted by: dayan at June 12, 2007 4:44 PM

If anyone on this site would be recognised in the real world then its me. I own a cafe/restaurant. I am there 7days a week I see hundreds of people, hundreds see me. And I look just like my freakinfoto.
I am yet to ask a customer on a date, or look at them and say "where do I know you from?" Though I have been asked that question many times.
Work is work, I'm a different person away from it.
I once dated (8months)a stripper, hardly anyone ever gave her a second look (other than she drop dead gorgeous) outside of work, even those we passed in shops who she had given a lapdance to the previous night.
Private life is private life. Gossip, what threat is that?

Posted by: dayan at June 12, 2007 3:51 PM

Well put, SeraphSuzie, what you posted yesterday. Way too much emphasis on outerwrapping on this site. It seems to me very foolish to be making choices based on the one thing guaranteed to fade. As we move through life's journey, we need to graciously trade our outer beauty for a more enduring inner kind. Keeping fit and healthy and looking after ourselves is great. But this obsession with staying perpetually juevenile is crazy!

I hide my pic, because I'm tired of being judged by my cover. Whoever I correspond with gets the password, but it cuts out the superficial guys who don't even bother to read the profiles.

I'm sorry to say (life experience), not everyone is nice or honest out there. Yes, there are some lovely people, but take your time in getting to know who they are.

Posted by: Riversong1 at June 11, 2007 10:44 PM

Amen, ephemorality.

Posted by: dood001 at June 11, 2007 10:32 PM

YAY for Shigui... :-)

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at June 11, 2007 9:11 PM

It amazes me how many profiles in Tassie are Password protected. They all say it is because everyone knows everyone. Well if that were true they would not need to be on RSVP! What are they all scared of? As far as I am concerned it is all about selling yourself to a potential admirer and you just have to put your picture out there. Sure you are going to get rejections but that is life. It's all a number game and eventually you will get some positive responses.

Posted by: MYSMOBY at June 11, 2007 8:07 PM

lolitaesque. I read peoples profiles, even the ones without the pics. I haven't need to lately, but then again I haven't needed to even look at a profile lately if you know what I mean. For those who know what I mean, wish me luck.

People. Don't judge a profile by whether it has a pic or not. There could be someone who you find irresistible behind that profile. You're just going to have to trust me on that one.

Posted by: Shigui at June 11, 2007 7:46 PM

I'm not ashamed of my opinions - but I have been stalked in the past by someone from RSVP who found out info about me in an inappropriate way, and also had an abusive email from someone I simply sent a kiss rejection to. So I have no intentions of opening myself up to that ever again.

Posted by: stillnotmyrsvpname at June 11, 2007 7:45 PM

Probably going to get crucified for this one, but I think its worse to post blogs using 'not your rsvp name' then it is to password your pic. Why be ashamed of your opinions?

Posted by: BeachMouse at June 11, 2007 7:21 PM

Oh please! Does anyone actually read the profiles on this website? I think not!

Posted by: lolitaesque at June 11, 2007 12:00 PM

I'm always suspicious about no pic. I think it may be the purview of the married/attached person as well as those who do need to maintain privacy for professional reasons.

I can understand the professional reasons as people can be cruel and reputations ruined by snide, derogatory remarks, especially in a small town.

It's a bit rude to take rejection so harshly if you have your pic hidden for other reasons. We are rejected on our pics on a daily basis. It's human nature to have types we are attracted to. It does not make us shallow. It makes us human.

By the way, I have been rejected for being too small and too slim. So there you go. There is a type for everyone and it's hard to move past it.

Could be another blog topic?

Posted by: WishingandHoping at June 11, 2007 9:53 AM

Public or work status would be one of the reasons why one would want to protect pics by password and I respect that. The moment one initiates contact though, a bit of courtesy is expected. Seriously, if I didn't bother expressing my thoughts on my profile and putting my pics, would you really have contacted me? It's pretty similar to shaking hands in person, extending your hands without removing your hat to meet a lady is quite rude. Sure, your profile might be good (so is Michael Jackson's) but I would probably not proceed as soon as I know it's him behind that veil. So get over it!

Posted by: Hotcocoa15 at June 11, 2007 9:39 AM

I have to say that I will look at profiles if there is no photo and often have sent a kiss without asking for a password, but it has been sent with the reply, and I have chatted to someone for days without asking for a photo... I guess it doesn't matter to me what the person looks like because in the end we all grow old and wrinkly. I am more concerned about growing old with someone I can talk to, who loves me the way I am, who sees the beauty within and who will stick by me no matter what, who can laugh and cry with me. I feel sad when I read how superficial some people are on here and cannot see beyond someones face, you know sometimes if you just take the time to get to know someone you might just be surprised. The only time I ever knock anyone back is if their age, children, religous beliefs, and location are not what I am looking for, and even that, I have learnt, can sometimes be overcome.

I teach my children every day not to judge others, to accept people for who they are, that it doesn't matter about their size, their skin colour, where they live, their sexuality, and you know it has worked... I want to believe that people are infinitely humane and compassionate and are willing to know someone for what is in their hearts and souls...not the way they look... It is sad that in this day we are all caught up on outer beauty, money and power and have forgotten about the things that really matter!

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at June 10, 2007 11:42 PM

I keep my photo password protected because I'm a private person by nature. As a result I assume the same of any profiles I'm reading and will approach a girl regardless of whether their photo is public or not.
Having said that, there is always that risk that either party will be dissappointed when the 'veil' is lifted and photo revealed but that's perfectly natural and not shallow at all. I can gloss over the fact that a girl's taste in clothes or home decor leaves a bit to be desired but I cannot 'fake' my taste in physical attraction - that's beyond my own control or anybody elses.

I think people just need to relax and realise that with this forum it is different to combing a pub or club - when you are out on the town, you spot someone you like physically and then speak to them to find out if they have a personality. On RSVP if the photo is hidden then it's the other way round - kinda fun don't you think? ;-)

Posted by: Hugs1 at June 10, 2007 6:53 PM

I love the "you show me yours and I'll show you mine" line.
Well mine's up for one and all to see. So really anyone that looks at my profile should reveal themself to me. A woman truely worthy of pusuit would send her picture password even with a rejection "kiss". If she was gorgeous it would drive me round the twist.
I know there are gorgeous women out there who pwp their pictures because they get innundated with kisses, unfortunatley I won't be kissing them so I'm out of the game before it starts.

Posted by: dayan at June 10, 2007 6:18 PM

Absolutely no brainer. If there is no picture up there, there will be no communication from me.

What is the point?

Posted by: ephemorality at June 10, 2007 5:51 PM

When I do a search I rarely, if ever, even bother stopping at a profile if it is password protected.

You then have to go thru the kiss and "would love to see your photo" and although I am not superficial, some physical attraction has to be there. If not, no point and at least with the pic there you can say yah/no to yourself without hurting the person's feelings by a rejection after being sent the photo.

I can see arguments for the protection but I have my pic up and I would like to think that any potential suitors would be happy to show me themselves without me having to ask.

Posted by: demondeb at June 10, 2007 5:45 PM

have never done this before so I thought why not .I deleted my main pic by accident when I first started but have put up 3 small pics now I have to wait 3 mts to replace it and I refuse to pay to have it put back . I like to see a pic if I send a kiss yes seeing who you are sending to is a bonus I hate it when guys say I am interested and will get stamps to email you but then dont . yes RSVP is hard . I am over weight and that seems to make a diff with so many guys I also have a young daughter and that seems to be a prob gosh why cant I be taken for who I am Im so nice every mans dream well I think so lol. im not ugly , I find I look at the pics and try not to judge anyone a pic is just part of the whole thing I understand that its important to like what u look at but just give someone ago I hate my pics I feel I am much better in person and that goes for so many of us

so as my name says givemeachance you may be supprised

Posted by: givemeachance at June 10, 2007 4:39 PM

I think hidden profiles hide sneaky, shady, and most likely already committed/married people that shouldnt be on here. The ones that are simply shy or scared of rejection because they are fat, ugly, or whatever are only delaying the inevidable anyway. So why prolong the agony?? They will only get hurt in the longrun. People are attracted to a photo yes, but also to an inviting profile so at least give it a shot by having your photo available. I personally bypass the hidden ones.

Posted by: Rachael at June 10, 2007 2:58 PM

There are very few people who really need a protected photo. Who cares if a student or someone you know sees your profile. If you are being truthful then what does it matter if they see you, read what your interests are, or show it to anyone else? Same with people who live in smaller cities or towns.
What can they possibly do? It would be a five minute wonder, and in any case the chances of them finding it are pretty low.
I never write anything in my profile that I would be ashamed of if one of my clients, family or friends read it. The Internet is quite an acceptable way of looking for a partner.
The best option if you are seriously concerned would be to write limited personal thoughts in the profile..just stick to basics.
I also wonder at people who make a contact and do not supply their password initally when my own photo is visible. To me that has undertones of arrogance. Why would you expect someone to respond favourably when you have decided not to allow the recipient equal opportunity and make them ask for the great privilege...and then scream shallow if they are not attracted. By being a photo withholder you are creating unnecessary awkwardness and time wasting.. Unless you are perhaps a serving SAS Officer , Prince William or a well known media personality, the superiority thing does not fly....
I think RSVP should automatically send the password with the kiss for hidden photos.

Posted by: patience at June 9, 2007 11:09 PM

I think everyone serious needs to put a pic up.

It's pathologically egocentric to expect others to differentiate 100+ profiles on the basis of a few paragraphs each.

The face is the sum total of every thought one has had, just as the body is the sum total of all food one has put in their mouth.

Appearance does not lie about character, self discipline, health, self esteem, warmth, happiness...

Posted by: peloton at June 9, 2007 10:15 PM

Can RSVP please add a feature where your password protected photo is automatically made visable to other people who have their photo displayed.

Posted by: at June 9, 2007 7:03 PM

dt, I can't agree more! At least you have a sense of who you're dealing with when you see a photo. Why the mystery? I am more likely to read a profile if there is a photo included.

Posted by: YS72 at June 9, 2007 5:31 PM

I think all profiles should have pics, so other people can know and see who they are looking at. You cant be attracted to everyone and if the people who dont put their pics up arent being true to themselves.

Posted by: crozad at June 9, 2007 4:11 PM

I have never been known to judge a book by it's cover and tend to pay far closer attention to what a person says about themselves than a photo, but I'm human .. I'm curious .. I want to see how you smile, dress, comb your hair and other trivial details that also say so much about you!
I think it is honest to place a photo on your profile and to update them if you no longer look like your photo. I am still tall slim and remarkably wrinkle free .. just a few character/laughter lines :) I am however curious why guys look at my photos and like me enough to send me a kiss .. but then .. probably after belatedly reading my profile .. decide not to communicate further? A few guys have sent kisses .. not followed up on my .. "awaiting your email" offer .. but continued to send me another kiss each time the 3 month limit is up. Strange?? If you gents are waiting for me to buy stamps .. I'm sorry but it's not going to happen anymore thanks to past experience .. and depleted finaces. If he doesn't like me enough to buy a stamp .. What can I say?? Maybe I'm just old fashioned!

Posted by: Naiad18 at June 9, 2007 12:41 PM

Yeah, Ok. At the risk of sounding repetitive as I have said this elsewhere. I would love *not* to have a password protected pic. It would save a lot of time -- I recognise that my looks are not to everbody's taste. And so, sure a number of those who send kisses, that I reply to favourable are not going to email. This is a visual medium, it is not shallow to want physical attraction. I am not *hiding* because I think less of my looks, than my wordplay, and I am very, very open. I am a big believer in 'out and proud'. However, a number of us do work in positions where it would be extremely difficult if our clients/customers/students found out, got hold of the profiles, they may chose to exploit the information in a way that affects our workplace performance. Yes, we are human beings, Ninaschen, and that includes the fragility of ego, vulnerability, and optimism. For some protection is a safety issue. That's a great way of thinking of it VictoriaDownUnder, that's the conclusion I have come to as well ; )

Posted by: Gratitudegirl at June 9, 2007 10:17 AM

I don't agree with password protected photos.Firstly,in the early days of my membership I tried this and whenever I sent a kiss to a woman the reply was to see my photo.I provided my password and sent another kiss/or email,but most of the time received nothing(even though I am ,looks-wise,average to above average).Secondly,when I read and like a woman's profile I send a kiss and request a photo-but I get the impression that the vast majority of women(with reference to the Shepparton/Bendigo area)are offended with this request.In fact,at times,70-80% of women in the Shepparton/Bendigo area have password-protected photos.C'mon ladies,what have you got to hide??!I am a guy in my forties, and whilst there are guys who are more interested in your photo than your profile ,I like to think guys around my age would have a maturity level much higher than this.Plus, when looking at a woman's photo I like to form an impression based on their eyes,smile and whether they have a pleasant manner.The combination of this and a profile which appeals to me determines my interest.

Posted by: pk1965 at June 9, 2007 9:16 AM

I personally don't see the point of password protected photos. I know a few profiles say "Its a privacy thing" or "My job won't let me" if that's the case, don't have photos. I know I've kissed a few girls and not followed through after I saw a photo.
The physical attraction has to be there.
I'm no model myself, but anyone who cares can see my pic and accept or reject me on that basis if they choose.
If you're online, seriously looking for someone, a visible photo should be a priority I think.

Posted by: dt1974 at June 8, 2007 11:01 PM

I have this thing about beards etc, I just don't like them. I'm upfront about it on my profile so why is it that when I finally see someone's photo (and they're usually reluctant to give me the password, which always sends up a red flag) and the person has a beard do they get angry when I say I don't want to correspond anymore. Surely if they just told me at the start that they had a beard it would save both our times. Am I being too petty??

Posted by: sue4you at June 8, 2007 10:59 PM

There is no shame in looking for someone to have some interesting interactions with and there should be no shame in showing our face on our profile. Surely, if we went to some venue in 'the real world' with the anticipation of meeting someone, we wouldn't wear a bag on our head! Let's face it (I have!), we are not all drop-dead gorgeous. But that doesn't mean someone won't look at our photo and think "Hmm, this person doesn't repulse me, and their profile is interesting, I might give them a go!". I live in a relatively small community and could be tempted to password protect my photo but actually prefer that others living in the same area knew who they may be 'kissing' as it potentially saves an enormous amount of embarrassment . Two people who I have had contact with had their photos password protected as one was a prison warden and the other a former police officer (or so they said - neither proved to be very credible). Their reason for the anonymity was the potential of 'clients' seeing them on RSVP. So what? Were they worried that it showed them as being human and, horror of horrors, being one of 'us'?
I agree with Patience (really Patience, I am getting peeved with you now - I do have some thoughts of my own but you always beat me to them!), there needs to be that indefinable element of physical attraction (no matter how minute) that encourages us to pursue or continue contact. A photo helps!

Posted by: Ninaschen at June 8, 2007 10:29 PM

If you were to see someone in a bar or party or whatever, and his/her looks caught your eye then you'd double back and say hi. If that person had a hat and sunglasses on, you'd walk straight by. Isn't it the same on here?
Priority is to look at photo profiles first, then maybe glance at the ones requesting you to ask for pswds later on. Its just a natural reaction.

Posted by: Rachael (not RSVP name) at June 8, 2007 9:19 PM

RSVP...Why do we have to wait 3 months before we can post another picture on our profiles? unless of course we pay for the privilige. Im stuck with the same lame pics of me that I dont really like any more..

[CS: every photo on RSVP is processed manually by our staff and the 3 month period helps us ensure that process times remain within 12-24 hours. RSViP allows further resources to be invested in to CS to handle the extra workload.]

Posted by: BeachMouse at June 8, 2007 9:09 PM

I feel shallow when I request I photo password for a profile. However I have been stung on a couple of "blind dates" where my definintion of average or athletic body type has been completely different to my dates. Or when I um and ahh as to whether to send a kiss, then when I see the photo and it just doesn't tip balance in favour of further contact.
I now tend not to "kiss" blind.
I'm sure that I get rejection kisses based on my photo.

Posted by: dayan at June 8, 2007 8:44 PM

Well RSVPeedoff, at least you get the kisses in the first place! I get very few without my photo being visible, since a lot of guys only look at the age (number, I mean, not the paper!) and the glossy pics.

But on the bright side, I don't mind, because it cuts out the shallow types, and since I'm looking for something of more substance myself, it's less waste of time for me :)

Having been the object of testosterone fuelled "chemistry" in the past, I kinda like it that way :)

Posted by: Riversong1 at June 8, 2007 8:10 PM

I think that if you have a reason to hide your photo on your profile them maybe you are not being as open as you thought. There are so many guys who say very honest etc etc however they won't show their photo. Physical attraction is a big part of being attracted to someone no matter how much u deny it. If you are worried about being dumped cold because of your looks don't hide them in the first place!

Posted by: Firey1986 at June 8, 2007 7:49 PM

Why do people make it an issue about gender?

It happens on both sides of the fence RSVPeedOff.

Posted by: TrumansCat at June 8, 2007 6:15 PM

No, not amazing at all RSVPeedOff. If you choose to hide your oprofile picture then you have left yourself open for a more hurtful rejection if the person you are in contact with is just not attracted to your look.
Anyone can write a profile or have someone do it for them; there are hundreds of people we have things in common with, there are thousands who share our sense of humour, BUT the physical attraction has to be there.
It is not shallow at all.
There may be eligible men, but not suitable or not attractive to us. Put your ohoto on in full view or otherwise don't take the rejection so personally. There is no way you can force an attraction, it is either there or not.

Posted by: patience at June 8, 2007 6:14 PM

I have the same experience PeedOff, but prefer to think that those men are too tight to buy stamps rather than my pic being disappointing :-)

Posted by: VictoriaDownunder at June 8, 2007 5:50 PM

Isn't it amazing ladies how much you love our profiles, our sense of humour and how much you say we have in common and yet the minute we give you our pic password you drop us cold as a spud?
Don't ever say there are no eligible men in your area when you're all too willing to exercise such vanity and shallowness.

Posted by: RSVPeedOff at June 8, 2007 5:01 PM