RSVP Blog

I have tried both ways, having my pic visible and hidden and neither seemed to make much difference. Then I tried changing the primary pic and having it visible and that is what is there now. I do think that men want to see a pic and it is the pic which decides whether they kiss a woman rather than the profile itself.
But let's face it, we are not all oil paintings, so we need to put the best and most recent pic there. One that shows the face clearly, not hidden by sunnies or a hat.
I also change the way my profile is written from time to time in the hope that it will stimulate some interest. And then I sit and wait and hope to see a kiss pop into my inbox.

Posted by: mushie6 at November 22, 2007 7:27 PM

This one is a very interesting question, and there are merits for both sides.

Sure, showing your photo with no password can be fine, if you are photogenic, but not everyone is.

On the other hand, having a password on your photo can lead to your profile actually being read, rather than shallow people looking at your photo and thinking "ewww, I don't like how he looks, so I wont bother reading any further".

I can relate to timewarp1's blog post here. He's obviously been a victim of the increasing number of shallow "female canines". I think a lot of people forget that that those of us posting up a profile to attract a partner do have feelings too, and by others either not answering kisses/emails, or sending that horrible "She does not wish to correspond any further, [so you can go to hell]" response can be hurtful.

As an experiment, I put a password on my photo and left my profile as it was. I was very surprised at the much increased interest that I received. Many more kisses being sent to me, and even some nice emails. Now, maybe the old photo I had on my profile probably wasn't the best, but taking it off seemed to make people actually read my profile and see that I am indeed a nice guy.

So, I have now had some better, brighter photos taken and put them on my profile. It will be interesting to see what results I get now.

I like the idea of creatively embedding your photo password into the text body of your profile - its a clever way of checking to see if people actually read your profile.

And finally, to those that have sent me kisses and emails recently - I thank you.

Posted by: philby4 at November 22, 2007 6:43 PM

What an informative blog!
Thank you. 'Tis a question I have often thought about. I chose protected
because I work in an environment where to be easily recognized as being on here, would be inappropriate. I was most interested to read the pros and cons discussed and can see all points of view.
I would like to answer woodwine on the use of the word " eclectic' in music. I use it on my profile. I love music and I can't think of any kind I particularly dislike. But I am very discerning in each area and I thought if I listed all the areas it would be boring to read.
I also thought it would be pretnetious if I showed my knowledge of so many areas.
In the end, I think each one of has to do what we feel comfortable with.

Posted by: thalia123 at November 13, 2007 11:01 PM

Hey timewarp1, sorry to read of your hurtful experiences. This on-line dating can either be as you find it or an interesting voyage into the world of so many different women. From my experience in these things, the women have pretty much decided what they want and rarely will anyone outside those parameters break the mould.
Take it from me, I am 6' tall and strawberry blonde in a world that demands "dark". Go figure!

Posted by: whatcomesnext at October 29, 2007 2:24 AM

I see this choice (show or hide) as very different for men and for women. Most women in RSVP are fairly articulate - quite good with words. They capably explain in their profiles how they see themselves, and who they're looking for. Another woman could read the words in the profile and collect a lot of useful information, without any picture. And the same with a man's profile. Unsuperficial women are looking mainly for a satisfying man with a good nature, rather than film-star looks that will bring other women poaching. But most men are totally picture-it, rather than literate. This is something that some bloggers below don't seem to realise. Many men choose the product just by looking at the package, because it's actually only the package that they want, whether it's to delight their own aesthetic sensibilities by having ongoing access to its beauty, or just to increase their status among other men, by having a flasher, more-expensive-looking handbag. For the kind of relationship that these men have in mind and/or are capable of, the words in the profile are irrelevant - they're just choosing portraits from an art gallery, and don't want a catalogue full of words to distract them from the pictures. I like the idea mentioned by someone below of just having a fairly boring long-shot thumbnail photo that is immediately visible when you open the profile. Not close-up or nice-looking enough to interest the portrait-buyers and get them sending kisses without reading the accompanying text, but accurate enough to reassure the men who had actually read the words and liked the sound of the product, by letting them know immediately that the package was not repulsive enough to put them off the contents. But I reckon the best lurk of all is to sneak in the photo password well down in the well-detailed general blurb section, so that literate men can also check the more-attractive main picture straight away, and make an even- better-informed decision about sending a kiss. But my personal preference is for the woman to show her main photo to everyone (unless she has professional/small-town reasons), and I have a very personal reason for this. In the last nearly 2 years I've sent out most of 300 kisses to carefully-selected "not-impossible" females living near Brisbane and aged over 55. I've been amazed and disgusted by the results. Over 100 have invited my email, and that has usually led to a first date. Good. And another hundred have promptly replied to advise me that I'm not on their "shopping list", thank you very much. Good to know that, and soon. But what bugs me is that the other one-third have proved to be so conceited, self-focussed and unempathic that they haven't had the manners to use a couple of mouse clicks to say thanks but no thanks. And to add insult to injury, some of these have used their couple of clicks, but for a different purpose - to remove themselves permanently from my RSVP radar. If I was RSVP I'd redesign the programme so that until the first-received kiss has been actually answered in the positive or negative, no other incoming mail can even be read, or outgoing mail typed. That would make the site more profitable, by saving members from the off-putting frustration of being so frequently ignored and insulted. That's why I want to see their faces first - it's always the beautiful ones who lack the most rudimentary good manners. So I want to be warned off those selfish beautiful bit...s as soon as possible. By seeing their self-satisfied beautiful faces, before I even waste time reading the words in their profiles. My mother was a very wise woman. 50-odd years ago she advised me "Find a girl with a body that delights you, and a face that's plain enough to keep her humble." That's the kind of face I'm looking for, and I'll find you sooner if I can see it straight away.

Posted by: timewarp1 at October 29, 2007 12:43 AM

A pic is worth a thousand words.. is it not?? :D But it is only just a freeze frame of a moment in time, and i think a persons personality with distort the way you view them physically, if they are wrm caring and open then that will come across, any im sure everyone has had their share of good and bad pictures. But its sad i got absolutly no interest at all before i had a picture up so its got to count for something right?

Posted by: oceanavenuex at October 14, 2007 1:02 PM

Can I suggest to people that choose not to post photos that they write a comprehensive profile? After all we have to determine if there is some attraction so if we can't see a photo then we need lots of words. How could we decide if we are interested in someone if there is no photo and their profile is something like:
Music: Eclectic taste.
Reading: Not much of a reader, weekend papers maybe.
Movies: Yes, I like all movies.
Sport: Used to play sport now prefer to watch.
Other interests: Will try most things.

What does this tell you about a person and how are you supposed to be interested. I have seen quite a few profiles like this.

Posted by: woodnwine at October 11, 2007 11:57 AM

I agree with many of the views already shared.

I personally chose to only post a secondary photo with no password protection. The photo is intentionally a little distant just to give someone enough of an idea of my physical appearance, but not enough for them to be interested in me based on looks alone. This is a tactic I use to sort the serious people from the "players".

Secondly, like others here, I wasn't keen for work mates to identify me too easily.

I should add that I do only search for profiles that have photos available (PWP is fine), and will continue to do so.

I'd be lying if I said that looks aren't important to me and I HAVE previously chosen not to pursue something based on the fact that there was absolutely no physical attraction.

I won't waste someone else's time if I know there isn't physical attraction for me, but if I were looking to make friends, then I agree that photos would be totally irrelevant.

Posted by: blondesunshine at October 9, 2007 11:01 PM

Simple question, difficult to answer.

For me, putting my photo up is a reflection of my honesty and openness. It's just the way I do things.

When I look at others' profiles though I go by profile not photo. Either what is said or what I can manage to read between the lines. Sometimes I am attracted to a profile simply because the woman looks so beautiful, but after that only the profile counts. Sometimes I am put off by a photo ... which doesn't make me happy. If you have chemistry with someone then looks aren't going to matter a lot are they.

As advice I'd probably say to women put up a simple photo, one that isn't too flattering. Simply to limit the undesirables. Locking your photo makes sense if you are a private person but limits the number of people who will be exposed to your profile.

Basically, it depends on the kind of person you are and who you are looking for. And for short term or long term. Ok that's my 2 cents.

Posted by: hopefool at October 5, 2007 8:24 AM

As a female, to me, a partner is made up of 2 parts of equal value, appearance & character. Why would I even consider, a new partner who makes 50% of himself unavailable to me.

Posted by: mrsbubbles1 at September 26, 2007 2:46 PM

i password protect my foto cos of the reasons said here in the blogs: work things n ppl in small towns knowing who u r n try n throw tht in ur face.

the otha thing also abt pwp's is tht id like sum1 2 read my profile n c wht my interests n hobbies r n what im looking 4 in a gal n at least with my foto not being up there they can request it. just want the gal 2 make the effort 2 knw abt me n then if they wna c my pic they have 2 ask.

what women in their 20s n 30s have 2 realise is that the whole chemistry thing that u have 2 have a spark if theres gonna b a longterm thing is bull.

read this clearly:1st thing, it doesnt happen str8 away cos youre trying to look 4 it n r trying 2 b aware of whats going on around you just so u wanna find sumthing that is there. when ur having fun and njoying his personality the chemistry finds both u n the man.

and the other thing abt it also is that women here tend not 2 have a proper chat here n just ask 4 ur foto str8 up. what happened 2 having a proper chat, just getting 2 knw the guy n c what he is like, how he speaks, what his 4ghts r on things, what he is looking 4, n whether u 2 have anything in common, n thats with not having seen his pic. and 2 just ask 4 a pic afta seeing their profile? not without a chat n guage whether ur personality is actually there or not. thats if you have any.

Posted by: nickstudking at September 26, 2007 2:27 AM

ok, photos or no photo
your photo is just so people can get an idea of what you look like, not to judge you by.. this is just the first step to meeting someone, and certainly not to fall in love with a pic!!!! or for that matter to make dates before any further contact eg- MSN or other chat client..i for one like to see with whom im talking to as in a web cam before i set out to have a coffee. theres just so many fake people on the net.. pics can be so decieving in the hands of the wrong person...as i said before pics are just to get an idea of what a person looks like...how many people actually are happy with a pic of themselves....its not a true vision into the person.. just a pic of what they looked like when the pic was taken... thank you

Posted by: philorphan at September 23, 2007 11:56 AM

Its a numbers game, so you will increase your chances more with a photo. RSVP say it is something like 11 times more. I only look at profiles with a visible photo, because I feel its a waste of time contacting someone only to find I'm not attracted to them or vice versa.
I can understand that it can leave people vulnerable, but thats just the way it is.

Posted by: eureka1854 at September 13, 2007 11:19 AM

I believe making the photo visible is good as it goes into helping form the person in your mind. I also understand those who don't. When submitting photos, members should be required to disclose the date (mm/yr) the photo was taken, as I like others have met members whose photo does not resemble their present looks. Embarrassing.

Posted by: classicnotplastic at September 13, 2007 7:27 AM

This is interesting to pwp or not? It is hard when you are overlooked on just a photo, we are more than what you see on a computer screen. I understand that looks are important. But are they that important that you might miss a really great person. I personally hate how l look in a photo, speaking of which mine is a shocker as I took it myself. Then some have said that I look fine, after all if we put clam shots on that is not really who we are either. I just think it would be nice to read the person profile and not just dismiss on a photo.

Please bear in mind that this is my opinion only and not shared by everyone

Posted by: bellarob at September 12, 2007 9:38 PM

Attraction is important. It is what distinguishes an intimate relationship from every other relationship we have.

I believe we should put your photo out there so that people who aren't attracted to us in the first place won't waste both our time and energy in initiating contact.

Posted by: notaperfectgirl at September 11, 2007 7:52 AM

What an interesting blog! I just signed up to this site a few days a go. Never tried anything like this before.

I have PWP my photo, not because I am ashamed of it, but because it's MY business that I'm using RSVP. Not the business of distant acquaintances or workmates. I'll see how I go with that.

It's been very interesting to see people's views on this - I had been wondering!

Posted by: bluesixtyfive at September 9, 2007 8:55 PM

As a teacher, I can't take the risk of the 'kids' seeing my photo - and I know my year 12's think this site is a hoot! I know it matters what people look like - they have to be your type - but try not to be judgemental if people 'can't' put their photo up as opposed to those who 'won't'.

Posted by: FootyGirl67 at August 19, 2007 12:49 AM

I choose to hide my photo, when I had it on all I got were people who wanted "friends with benefits" or "booty calls". Trust me I am not fabulously good looking totally - average, complain about wobbly bits here and there and the rest of it.

I would prefer someone who actually read what I had to say - specifically the type of partner I am looking for. On the other hand there is no point responding to someone if you are not attracted to their looks either (I have a varied taste in men from Jude Law to the old dude that Angelina Jolie was married to, he was a spunk - yep don't mind some oldies) but you still have to be attracted to something about their looks, after all if you do end up with em you could be looking at them for years!!!

I rejected a total hottie because his profile said he wanted classy and sophisticated - which I am not. I can act it, but it is, after all, only an act. I am not rich, he obviously looked it - and I am way down the other end of the food chain. I am always scared that these people tend to expect perfection and I am only too human. Plus he was a bit of a distance away. There was no nice way of doing it RSVP doesn't seem to have an easy let down.

Anyway, it is choice to display your photo, I am basically shy, people who recently meet me may beg to differ, but that is just my "brave confident face" not the real me. Cut me, I bleed, reject me, I suffer. I am a big sook.

Cheers from WozntMe

Posted by: WozntMe at August 7, 2007 7:57 PM

Muso

good idea! That will sort out the ones that don't bother to read the profile.

Posted by: woodnwine at August 4, 2007 6:08 PM

Password protect your photo, and hide the password somewhere within the 'in my own words' part. Then ignore those that ask for a passsword.

Posted by: muso at August 3, 2007 10:10 AM

I dont password protect but it doesnt bother me if others do. I think nearly every contact i have had so far has sent me the password(except my ex but i know what she looks like already lol). I prefer to see the photo i supose but its not a major issue. Increases the anticipation for one thing.

Posted by: iamhomerclees at August 2, 2007 7:32 PM

l have my pic password protected and have had a dozen kisses in about 2 weeks. I have responded to all in some way or another and find the quantity of kisses l have received to be adequate, however there are some who l feel do not read my profile properly as they have nothing common, particularly in regards to distance.

l know l shouldn't moan about it but l don't like rejecting someone who doesn't read the profile properly. What to do????

Posted by: auntykaz at August 1, 2007 10:14 PM

Can't see the point of photo passwords. If every member on Rsvp did that, you would go out of business. What also really tees me off is when I use a stamp, in response to a "kiss" and hear nothing more, not even an acknowledgement. Five in a row, to date. What happened to good manners ?

Posted by: Rapparee at August 1, 2007 3:55 PM

Password protected photos = no photo.

Since I've been on here I have never gotten a password. Its such a lengthy and awkward process to get it. I have given up on profiles with password protection.

I should be able to filter Password Protected profiles. They clutter everything up and waste time.

Posted by: looknohands at August 1, 2007 9:02 AM

Get real people. It doesn't matter whether there is a photo visible or not. QUite often people with visible photos post photos that are 10 years old, mine is hidden but it least it is current!!!!
One fellow I met had gone bald and aged more than 10 years. He had a huge scar across his head and a mangled ear. So much for people with visible photos having nothing to hide. N.B. He was a nice fellow but don't tell people who hide their photo have nothing to hide when people with visible photos post ones which no longer bear any resemblance to them!!!

If you are too lazy to send a kiss to get someone's photo, you really can't be that keen to meet someone!!!

Posted by: sleeplessintheburbs at July 31, 2007 8:36 PM

I chose to password protect my photo when I first joined rsvp as I had never done anything even remotely like joining an internet dating site. I was very unsure of what to expect and a little scared to tell the truth. But, after reading through these blogs and experiencing dates/phone calls/emails etc and finally relaxing about the whole thing, I decided to put my photo on display.

What a different experience that has turned out to be! I get a lot more kisses from a lot of men who most certainly have not read my profile. Thankfully though, I do get kisses from men who HAVE read my profile and at least I know they've seen what I look like and are still interested. I used to get kisses from men asking for my password whom I then either never heard back from or they sent a 'no thanks' kiss. Takes the wind out of your sails a little!

So there are pros and cons to both sides but I think personally I'd rather lessen the possibility of direct rejection by having my photo on display. Or maybe I'm just a bit of a pansy when it comes to rejection!!

Posted by: nkp73 at July 30, 2007 9:19 AM

As a new member of rsvp - and also having never been on a 'dating' website before... I find the comments on this blog rather entertaining. There's pros & cons on either side...

For myself, I have chosen to password protect my pic, due to past 'issues' with ex-partners turned stalker.

At least this way (for now) I can filter who is viewing my pic, and can also email my password to other members I might wish to be in contact with.

Yes - the world is very different today - and I think a little security is a small price to pay, even if I get less kisses/emails from potential contacts. Also, I am genuine in my search for friendship first; instead of straight to bed!

ps - yes, that's my 'real' rsvp profile name.

Posted by: ascorpiorising2 at July 29, 2007 6:17 PM

romanceme4ever, I had a similar experience recently where I was waiting for someone and didn't recognise them from the photo. But in this case, it was because they looked much more attractive than their photo suggested (and the photo wasn't half bad!). So it works both ways.

I confess to being a bit of a heretic and actually reading profiles. Brains have always meant more than beauty to me so I like to see the person has some even if their interests differ, but of course there has to be some mutual physical attraction too.

I also confess to being a password protector - if they are going to take time to kiss me without seeing me, they must like something about the profile, always a good sign. But I always send the password when I get contacted or when I initiate contact - sure, I get a few knock backs on looks but I'm thick skinned and I get just as many that keep communicating.

Posted by: InsulaGilliganis at July 29, 2007 4:57 PM

I wish there was a kiss reply that read - I don't think you would be my perfect match but I think we could be great friends. This would be ideal if you are not physically attracted to a person but have heaps in common.

Woodnwine

Posted by: woodnwine at July 29, 2007 4:44 PM

romanceme4ever.....Some people think they still look like they did 10 years ago,( just older....ha ha)

Posted by: lipstick princess at July 29, 2007 2:39 PM

Pics aren't always a true representation of how a person looks anyway...I can't believe there are still people out there who post outdated pics of themselves looking years younger and kilos lighter.
I have met some rsvp contacts who are so unlike their pics that I have walked past them in pre-arranged meetings.How dishonest is that?

Posted by: romanceme4ever at July 28, 2007 7:15 PM

One thing I should have noted in my last entry, I took ONE POSSIBLE interpretation of Woodnwines most brilliant question (July 20, 2007 8:44 AM), which I personally think strikes at the very core of this topic.

Woodnwines question could also be taking a path to an answer for a person wondering on whether they should protect their password or not (i.e. the topic of this blog). Let me elaborate. When one puts a password on their profile, they are possibly delaying a rejection. Therefore Woodnwines question could possibly be interpreted as: "If I put a password on my photos, am I prepared to be rejected on the way I look?"

There are many other interpretations to this question. My comments were for dealing existing profiles (yes...slightly off topic and naughty).

Regards from: a_visually_spatial_introvert

Posted by: at July 28, 2007 9:20 AM

PS as I've said before, I have several good friends already, I am looking for something more - someone I can adore, emotionally and physically. Is that old fashioned? Hope not.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 27, 2007 11:19 PM

I can understand what people are saying about not just basing your interest on a person's looks and I for the most part do the same. If someone contacts me, their interests pretty much match mine but I am not totally attracted to their looks then I proceed. But if their looks are TOTALLY different to what I am after or find attractive then quite frankly, why take it any further? You are just prolonging the agony. After all, I am after a partner, a lover if you like, not just a friend. And for that there has to be (mutual) physical attraction. Frankly, I want to be with someone I adore not someone who I think looks average but is a really nice person. I don't think this makes me shallow (Hal), just someone who wants to commit wholeheartedly.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 27, 2007 11:15 PM

I have my primary photo password protected but my secondary pic is visible. This is just so when guys are scrolling down the list of profiles they dont stop at mine and send me a kiss because I have a half decent pic. My age and location, at a very minimum should peak their interest not the way I look. There have been times when I have had both pics visible and to my disappointment I get swamped with kisses from guys who are way out of my age range and locality. I am not trying to hide anything - thats why I keep my secondary photo visible, I simply find this a useful way to screen unwanted attention

Posted by: Jessy4 at July 27, 2007 8:43 PM

Vis Spat Into (July 26)"but I will never, for as long as I live, be able to hurt somebody without feeling a great deal of their pain (AS I PERCEIVE IT). Empathy!"

I totally understand what you are saying, and believe me I say this to you as a way of helping you with this dilemma and making your life less painful, eg minimize that pain.

This is your *perception*, not necessarily the other person's reality. You only have to take ownership of your feelings, not mine or any other pwp member. We don't necessarily feel pain as a consequence that you are not attracted to us.

For instance, I may have a twinge of dissapointment, but rejection is such a bigger feeling for me, and it only occurs when some-one I *really* like doesn't like me *after* meeting me. My previous comment may have appeared glib, but what I meant is you may be investing a little too heavily in what some-one else's feeling is or is not and thus letting that affect yourself in a hurtful way. Please don't.

Posted by: Gratitudegirl at July 27, 2007 3:46 PM

Woodnwine (July 20) & Vis spat intro...easy. Move on. S'OK Posted by: gratitudegirl at July 22, 2007 10:41 AM

Thankyou ever so much for the encouragement. We are all ruled by a combination of thoughts and feelings (percentages vary wildly as we are all very unique). I am very much dominated and ruled by my thoughts, till other people's feelings are the issue. All of a sudden my whole mental makeup takes a stupendous twist. I know we are all adults here and I know people's feelings must be hurt many times, else they are not trying hard enough, but I will never, for as long as I live, be able to hurt somebody without feeling a great deal of their pain (AS I PERCEIVE IT). Empathy!

What I was looking for in my comment about a potential blog was tips on ways to minimize the "pain I feel", which is inevitable, by minimizing the pain caused by the rejection of the person AFTER they have provided their photo password.

That thing (yes it's a "thing") some refer to chemistry while others say a "spark" (but it doesn't have a name) is VERY important to me.

I did not get chemistry/spark when I first met my ex(divorced). There was not as much physical attraction compared to others I had met at that time. Chemistry/spark happened after about the third time we went out. PLEASE NOTE: I must have felt "something" to get to a third date! This is important for what I'm leading to. When the chemistry/spark hit, it was like a lightning bolt twirling my head and heart endlessly. All of a sudden the physical attraction made leaps and bounds. When we kissed for the first time, the physical attraction miraculous "blasted off" and I was suddenly with the most "beautiful" person on earth (especially after what we did next).

Having said that, I know my friends would not say my ex is physically "beautiful" although most would definitely say "attractive" (note: I did not use the prefix: physically) while others that have never met my ex can only make judgements on what they "see". I personally have always made a great distinction between the words "attractive" and "beautiful" even from a pure physical perspective as I am attracted to a very different "look" to what my friends are. Attraction, for me, goes well past "looks". A person who knows they are not beautiful, may be very attractive to me. A quirky smile can make all the difference. Beautiful women that chew gum and smoke while frowning...not so attractive.

The way a person "speaks" to me & others (especially their mother), the way they look at me and the way they smell, all have a lot to do with attraction. Nothing in one's profile, picture or even video can help in this regard.

Most important of all is: "The way a person makes me feel" is what ultimately cements (or puts cracks in) a relationship &/or friendship with this person.

If I was to find a person whose profile was very close to what I'm after and they are looking for somebody very much like me, we are (in my opinion) "almost" a perfect match. To me the photo is the LAST piece of the puzzle, but just as important as any of the other pieces. If in DOUBT, I would go meet the person as experience has shown me the meaning of the well worn cliche "you cannot judge a book by it's cover".

Hypothetically speaking: A person who has the attitude and traits I am after has attracted me to the point where I have asked for their photo password.This person looks at my profile and photos (since I ALWAYS send my passwords with every Kiss even rejection replies) and gets excited. We share a similar love of music, movies, conversation topics, art, festivities, cuisine, mind games with the neighbour's cat, history, archaeology, recreation, sports, comedy, etc. So we are a perfect match. This person thinks I "look" great and is thoroughly delighted in almost every aspect of my profile, so they send their photo password along with their hope & dreams and aaahhhh...uuummmmm...NO BADA-BING not even a WAH-WAH-ZOOM-BAH...I just DO NOT feel ANY potential for chemistry/spark ...I just know [intuitively] WITHOUT ANY DOUBT whatsoever I will NEVER get to that third date...(I'll hand it back to Woodnwine at July 20, 2007 8:44 AM) "what do you do then? How do you politely retract your interest?"

Regards from: a_visually_spatial_introvert

Posted by: at July 26, 2007 11:18 PM

I will still contact people if the photo is password protected because you dont know why it is protected. Some people protect it for professional reasons (client recognizing them ect) some do it so they get responses from profile matches not appearance. I get alot of kisses from guys who dont come anywhere near my ideal patner match and have to reject them and then i feel bad. Im patient enough to wait for the person to send me their password

Posted by: slw at July 26, 2007 1:35 PM

woodnwine.
I never retract my interest based on a photo. if we have been able to chat and talk with some interest, i would always pay the courtesy of meeting at least once. Photos do not give the whole story.
I want my connection to go further than skin deep.
I have lived and learnt and the more you get to know someone the more attractive they become to you. A beautiful soul means more than a beautiful face.
If after a meeting there is no spark, then it would be the time to 'retract' my interest.
If you base your meetings on a pretty picture then you may just be letting the right one pass you by!

Posted by: lipstick princess at July 25, 2007 9:45 AM

Given I live in Sydney CBD I would expect the person that contacted me have his photo up or at least when they kiss you they give you their password.

I figure the type of person I want to meet is open and honest and reasonably social. If they don't have a photo or is password protected I automatically think what are they hiding or they are too private for me.

I could be wrong but if I was to meet someone in a bar or wherever I would know what they looked like.

Posted by: Tanya at July 23, 2007 11:31 PM

yseult, totally agree with you!!!!
I work in a large public organisation, also healthcare, and have interaction with many people, so my private life is very important to me.
If that means less kisses then so be it, l value my private life too much to have a situation such as yours happen to me. I think that l give a good amount of honest information about myself in my profile, and am comfortable in giving out my passsword once contacted,but will not, now or ever, put my pic up without a password. That's enough for my soapbox, having said all that......

I so enjoy reading blog topics on here and it has taken me ages to get through most of them. The regular contributors all have very insightful comments to make and yes l get the giggles very often. thanks all for being so open and commun icative.

Posted by: auntykaz at July 23, 2007 6:54 PM

Posted by: abitannoyed at July 22, 2007 1:21 AM

Hey, your post about the caps on their heads made me laugh, as I had noticed the number of bald men who put sunglasses on their head, sometimes in all photos they have on their profile.

Just go gracefully guys because if she cares about whether not you have hair, it doesn't matter how much you chat/email/telephone before you meet because when she sees you and realises that you have no hair, she is going to be a bit annoyed if you wrote "other" or blonde if you have no hair - or maybe she just won't care!

Posted by: gratitudegirl at July 22, 2007 10:41 AM

My sentiments exactly.

Posted by: yseult at July 23, 2007 5:45 PM

Woodnwine (July 20) & Vis spat intro...easy. Move on. S'OK -- those of us with password protected photos are comfortable with that dynamic. We know there's a fair chance that all the clever wordplay in the world won't make you be immediately attracted to us, unless you are! It's not superficial or mean, we are for the main part visual creatures. We (pp members) take that risk and have no expectation if you then don't like the picture. But jeez -- to let that fear prevent you from contacting the possible love of your life...such a loss hey?

Posted by: gratitudegirl at July 22, 2007 10:41 AM

hi, i'm a little annoyed after seeing a lot of these blogs. I have my photo password protected because of the type of work i do. it is a big security risk these days, and especially living in a small town where a lot of ex crims would know who i am and start something dangerous. i think it is important to be truthful about your hobbies, your likes and dislikes. my profile states i am athletic, go to the gym, play sports etc, yet i constantly get kisses or emails from overweight guys who list under sports "watching footy and motorsport on tv". it is really disappointing and a waste of everyone's time. i agree that it is so much easier with a photo and i too am guilty of skipping over the profiles where i can't see the person, but if everyone was honest about themselves then it wouldn't be necessary. i also think that if you aren't attracted physically to a person there is no point. that is such a big part of being attracted to someone. i have met guys in person off rsvp who i've only realised later have caps on in all their photos only to realise they are bald. people should show a real photo of how they are.

Posted by: abitannoyed at July 22, 2007 1:21 AM

Just adding my piece to the debate about whether anyone has a valid reason for not showing their photo on the profile:

I work in healthcare and on a number of occasions I have found myself in very difficult situations because people recognised me from my RSVP profile photo.

1 person brought a printed copy of my profile in to work and showed it to my business partner..and told him that it was inappropriate!

Another RSVP joker came in to work, apparently a mate of his (also on RSVP) - a patient who had recognised me on RSVP, told him where to find me. So, he came in with my profile and showed it to the receptionists and asked where he could find me. Great. That's because he couldn't be bothered using a stamp to contact me...

Most embarrassing of all was treating a patient who, unbeknownst to me, had also recognised me from my profile photo and started to put the hard word on me - and threatened "to tell everyone around here (work)" if I wouldn't agree to have a drink or 2 with him after work. He was booted out of the medical centre and intervention order taken out against him because he did tell everyone - on his unwilling way out the door.

So, it's nice to know that people recognise me in real life from my RSVP photo, but there is no way that I will post my photo unless I know whom I'm emailing first. It is too damned dangerous - personally and professionally!

Posted by: yseult at July 21, 2007 9:05 AM

I'm new to all this & have just started to receive kisses (not keen on that term would much prefer a “SMILE” as others have said) from men who have their photo protected, which is fine, but why not send the password if there going to take the time to send the kiss, after all they’ve seen my photo. My immediate reaction is to send a negative response as I feel like their not being open & up front or their playing games - rightly or wrongly but it doesn't build up any trust. I read the profile first before making a decision, although when I received one from a guy stating he was tall dark & handsome, I must admit I was tempted out of curiosity to send a "Kiss" back asking for his password, but decided not to as there was nothing much in his profile that interested me & I felt if someone is really interested, they would send their password with the "Kiss" – maybe I’m naive.

I'm also surprised when I receive a kiss from someone then go in to look at their profile & find there's hardly any information, or what's there does not match up with what you are seeking & no photo, so I’ve sent a negative response.

I’m finding I feel guilty for responding negatively to a "Kiss" but I don't want to lead anyone on by responding positively to their "kiss" if their profile doesn't match up with what I'm seeking or they don’t put any information in their profile.

Posted by: Borntraveller13 at July 20, 2007 7:14 PM

In what may appear to be a rant by me on July 15, 2007 9:16 PM was actually meant to be a statement of how I feel. I apologise to anyone who reads it differently. Try reading it with a funny voice in your head!

Sorry about the spacing, first post, wasn't certain how the formatting would come out, so I added TAGS to make it look correct in the preview....aaarrrgggghhhhh

Basically I love the fact that we have the choice on whether to password protect our photos or not. This is what I'm trying to say.

Yes I am a "very private to private" type looking for the same. RSVP is the VERY BEST type of service for people like myself and I consider the price of stamps a bargain. I can not think of any other options for introverts actually.

My EX (a VERY social type) thought I was "almost" perfect, just needed to change a few "LITTLE THINGS". We were engaged for a very long time and those "LITTLE THINGS" still did not get "corrected" [hmmmm] during that time. Would have been nice if I was told what was wanted/preferred BEFORE WE MARRIED!!! Luckily/Regrettably we never had children (no medical reason could be found) so it was easier to eventually divorce after a very long separation. Sometimes I feel I have been cheated out of some of the best years of my life. NOW: well now I want people to find out about ME before they see what I look like. "Some" find me very attractive physically and I find this usually gets in the way of "getting to know" the person (yes they want to get physical first).

For me, chemistry "could" happen with many people I have met. For some reason ALL the people who have sent me kisses are (in MY opinion) very attractive, certainly there is a potential exothermic reaction if we got into the same beaker, BUT I am looking for a "life" partner and want the relationship to last, hopefully forever, if not, at least close to that, therefore I am more interested in the persons WORDS first. For me there is no point in looking at pictures if it is just not going to work out.

I personally think I would have a significantly different attitude if I already had children. I would certainly be more mature.

A point made by woodwine: "then they send you their password and you really don't like the way they look, what do you do then? How do you politely retract your interest?" has been bugging me since the first time I sent a kiss. Wish I had the answer to that question. Topic for another blog perhaps?

Regards from: a visually spatial introvert

Posted by: at July 20, 2007 3:25 PM

lipstick princess

Nice comments and to each their own. The thing that worries me is if you read someone's proflie and believe you have a lot in common so you send them a kiss, then they send you their password and you really don't like the way they look, what do you do then? How do you politely retract your interest?

Posted by: woodnwine at July 20, 2007 8:44 AM

Ha ha Lipstick Princess! Maybe in that case it wasn't the brain that was running the show! :)

Posted by: Riversong1 at July 17, 2007 11:41 PM

my photos belong to me BUT i share.........

some of us are private people.
And whats right for one is not right for another.
Having my password protected does not reduce my contact. I have discovered some of the nicest chaps who have yellow boxes. And anyway, just cause the pic attracts you, does not guarantee a connection. In fact, if someone goes to the trouble of sending a kiss without seeing my photo, tells me a whole lot to begin with.
Each to their own though.I have learnt over time, its not always looks that bring chemistry. cheers.

Posted by: lipstick princess at July 17, 2007 10:32 AM

i would just like to add in that we are all in different situations with photos and profiles.my experiences have led me to believe that im better off not showing myself until i feel trust with a person.it pays to be careful and its a small world on the net.it never hurts to find out that your not compatible with somebody,it only can teach us a lesson.

Posted by: blackduckboy at July 16, 2007 9:36 AM

A proverb/quote [of disputed origin has been translated as] "A picture is worth a thousand words"

Some say: Ten Thousand words...whatever!

Here's MY QUOTE: "A million words cannot be as descriptive as a single picture"

Is a picture important to me. OH YEAH! ... would I put my picture on my profile without a password ... NO WAY!

Some like using SMS TXT, bad spelling, lower case i's, incorrect punctuation, no sentence structure, lots of info, very little info, paragraphs, NO paragraphs [ARRGH], 2 photos instead of 3, 4 or 5... In my opinion: This is STYLE (whether by conscious choice or not).

I am glad I have the option of being able to password protect my photos. Without that password, I would not post any photos. Hmmm...without photos, I would not bother to put up a profile to begin with.

Everything on MY profile, including MY decision to password protect MY photos, says "something" about ME.

I am looking to impress only ONE person (who will most likely have their photo(s) password protected aswell)!

Regards from: a_visually_spatial_introvert

Posted by: at July 15, 2007 9:16 PM

Just one thought. Reading the blog and was struck by the number of people who are saying they wont reply to profiles without fotos. How many of those same bloggers are using their real RSVP name when they blog?? Not having a go at anyone, i assure you, just seemed a little ironic

Posted by: iaqmhomerclees at July 14, 2007 12:10 PM

I just don't look at any profiles without pictures. Call me shallow 'cos I am.

I know waht I'm looking for and it is called chemistry. I've got a full life and that is all it is missing.

I only look if I've been sent a kiss with a password.

Posted by: Wishingandhoping at July 14, 2007 10:10 AM

Charismatic 83.
We see things differently. friendship to us females may mean an entirely different thing to a male.
to note..i once asked a guy why he puts the word on any girl he thinks may be interested.(or not!) the answer was he could ask 20 girls in one nite, and maybe one would say yes. after all, he is only after one......
i guess its all that testosterone, makes their brain go funny.

Posted by: Lipstick Princess at July 13, 2007 6:10 PM

I feel my photo doesn't represent the real me very well and this may also apply to others. My preference really is actual face to face contact.

I also prefer to let the words do the work first so to speak if I'm resorting to such a format to meet people.

A male I contacted didn't have a photo, I was interested in what he had to say. I didn't get a reply which I didn't take personally and haven't assumed why he didn't because I don't know. It might be that I'm slow at replying to kisses but I can't be sure.

I'm willing to be surprised and maybe those who are disappointed it has nothing to do with how they look but their personality because charisma can certainly make up for certain looks issues. It is also easy to pick and choose the best shots, it's harder to pretend to be a person you are not. Not amount of good looks makes up for a insincere, disrespectful, rude etc. personality.

Let us who choose to not have photos do it the way we want and take the consequences of few kisses.

Posted by: Genxfem at July 12, 2007 11:33 PM

Dayan - what a shame. I thought you had a great profile (yes, took a peak)! What's the experiment?

Posted by: tyme4fun at July 12, 2007 3:32 PM

Changed my profile, and now password protecting my photo. More as an experiment than anything.
And when I send a kiss rejection I'm going to send my pic password with it.

Posted by: dayan (no longer) at July 12, 2007 9:27 AM

I agree with Charismatic83 that the relationship categories can be confusing. I'd like one that says: Medium Term - not looking for a husband, just a steady boyfriend.

Posted by: Fefa63 at July 11, 2007 9:07 PM

Fefa63. Thanks for that, well said. Yes, have been away from the blogs for a while and in catching up I think I have come to the conclusion that I am *really*pleased that my photo is protected. There are so many bloggers leaping to very ugly conclusions, and if a password stops them (or others who think like them) from contacting me, I give thanks big time. I guess there is a fine line between expressing diversity of opinion, and passing judgement. I suspect I just crossed it too.

blessings all,

Posted by: gratitudegirl at July 11, 2007 8:01 PM

When i started on RSVP my pictures were not protected....but after reading this blog over the past month..... I decided to change it....Needless to say the number of kisses received are much much less...however from the kisses that I do receive, they are from people who I know have read my profile because we have more than one or two things in common, and the kiss message is about something specific they have read.. and not thinks u have a great picture or great smile
So I guess this Password setting is working for me....

HOWEVER...I would like people's opinion on the choice/meaning of this setting..
Under 'Update Profile' there is 'Relationship Preference/Relationship Sought' and the options are

Long term relationship with male/female
short term relationship with male/female
Friendship with male/female
Penpal with male or female

MY INTERPRETATION
Long term relationship = meeting with the intention of dating, falling in love, getting married, having kids, dying together blah blah blah
Short term relationship = intimate encounters, casual rendezvous, no strings attached, (I got mine, you got yours.. see ya!)
Friendship= Having that hangout buddy, getting together occasionally for a meal, drinks ,sporting games, concerts etc (nothing physical)
Penpal= someone across the country or state.. email, msn/chat maybe the occasional phone call...

My profile states friendship or pen pal sought with men.
( i'm the only girl in a family of 5 boys, grew up around men, easier to get on with, have had far less issues with male friends plus, we women hold on onto grudges for forever, we can be too much drama at times..I still love us tho)

Back to the issue at hand..

Not too long ago,I received a kiss from a gentleman who on HIS profile stated he was after friendship. I replied and gave him the password to my pictures then he replied with "He is flattered, and although you have some things in common, he is looking for someone different" LOL ..

If your profile states you are seeking Friendship or Penpal why should physical attraction matter? Surely people cant be that shallow to be friends with people they are only attracted to?

AND THEN a day after.. i received a kiss from another bloke whose relationship preference is short term or long term relationship, when i replied his kiss i included my pictures' password , he happened to be online and he started a conversation with me. Not even 3 minutes had passed when he asked me if i was into Adult Fun and weather i was interested in 'meeting up' for the night. To which I said OH HELL NO!!! However, i did thank him for wasting his stamp; being very honest and up front right from the beginning. I even sent him an email telling him that i thought he was on the wrong website, i suggested he change the wording on his profile so women know exactly what he is after. I even went as far as googling adult fun and forwarding some links to appropriate sites. He was pretty cool about it :)

Don't worry, I am not bitter.....i was not offended...it just got me thinking what these preferences really mean...

Posted by: Charismatic83 at July 11, 2007 2:28 AM

Like Gratitudegirl (June 9) and Ninoschen (June 8), I work in a position that makes it difficult to display my photos. It is NOT due to insecurity or selfishness, or as dayan (June 12) suggests - fear of gossip. Most of my clients are aggressive, and many have unpredictable mental health issues which can make it extremely dangerous to allow them access to any part of my personal life, no matter how "innocent" it may be. I don't want clients seeing me on the net and knowing the area I live in, or that I have children (whose safety may also be at risk of these clients). I am concerned that if a client sees my picture they may "invent" a profile and make contact with me, which could lead to them obtaining more information about me before their true identity is revealed. My concerns are justified, as colleagues have already had this happen to them by posting their photos on dating sites.
An anonymous blogger on June 9 suggested that RSVP bring in a feature where password protected photos are made visible to others with a photo. I believe that many people would choose not to use RSVP if this were to happen. People can (and do) use other people's photos or old or unclear photos of themselves on RSVP, so I would not necessarily know if I was being contacted by a client at that stage.
I have chosen not to have a photo on RSVP at all. I had password protected photos for a short while, until I received a Kiss from a man stating that he liked my photo. When I checked - my photos were no longer password protected. I immediately took the photos off and wrote an e-mail to RSVP Support (Still waiting for a reply).
As Chrissyinoz (June 13) also pointed out, your photos can be inappropriately displayed by anyone with access to the net, and Riversong1 (June 15) pointed out that anyone can check up on them. For me that means my ex-husband, my own children and their friends and any recent dates. Scary stuff!!
As delpinus (June 15) said - it is up to the individual. stirling74 (June 22) was right in saying that the challenge is in thinking up a catchy headline. I still get plenty of Kisses and e-mails, and from the e-mails it is obvious that the men responding HAVE read my profile. After we make e-mail contact, if I am satisfied that I want to, I e-mail my photos to their private e-mail address. I agree that looks are important, but sometimes discretion is equally important.

Posted by: Fefa63 at July 10, 2007 3:07 PM

I recently was sent a profile headed : "What you see is what you get"; the photo was password protected.
I didn't waste my time.

Posted by: Graham666 at July 10, 2007 10:31 AM

Fabfi - I like your idea of sending a smile rather than a kiss.

I have been very surprised to read some very strong opinions about the photo with/without password & it has caused me to give a lot of thought to the issue. I choose to hide my photo, because as someone has already said, I don"t like the thought of my photo being in the public domain. I appreciate the problems that can cause but despite hiding my own photo, I realised after reading what others have said that I also tend to pay more attention to profiles with photos, so I guess I'm a hypocrite!

While I agree that physical attraction is an important part of a relationship, I'm not sure that a photo is sufficient to ascertain whether such an attraction exists (though there are certainly situations where you know that it doesn't).

When I think back over relationships I've had in the past, I can't think of any that have started on the basis of an instant physical attraction. The so-called "chemistry" has almost always occurred after a period of getting to know someone.

So tonight I set myself a challenge of focusing on the content of profiles without worrying about the photo. By this I mean REALLY reading them, not just skimming the service. Even for profiles with photos, I'm reading first, looking second. I'm going to try this for a while, & just see what happens. I think maybe its time I approached this whole thing with a more open mind.

Posted by: tyme4fun at July 9, 2007 10:20 PM

ooh now u be careful woodnwine....admitting u need 2 be attracted to a potential partner....im sure u will be accused of being shallow & u will be told ur missing out on the best people....
i find it funny how some people refuse to acknowledge that attraction/chemistry is not important. its all relative. its abt who YOU find attractive. that may or may not be someone who everyone else finds attractive too.
so i agree with u, gotta see a pic 2 know if its a yay or a nay.

Posted by: geminikj at July 9, 2007 6:16 PM

Hi TheUnHomer

some understandable comments but generally I think you may be making all this more difficult than it needs to be. Can I politely suggest you let your guard down a little and be more open to what may come your way? If we all expect the worst guess what we might just get. Reading some of your comments you seem to be going for the lowest common denominator instead of the highest.

Anyway, I hope it all works for you and please just accept these as kind comments from a friend in cyberspace.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 9, 2007 10:50 AM

Haven't commented on this for a while but I would like to go over what I said some time ago. Where do people find the time to read all the profiles? There are hundreds of them, even after you put in some requirements like non-smoker, age, area etc. Maybe I am not being restrictive enough in my search but hey, I am open minded.

I know I am missing out on some great ladies but I just don't have time to read every one so please, please, please post your photo. After all we are all looking for someone we are attracted to aren't we? Nothing wrong with that.

And just so no one comes down on me like a ton of bricks, yes, if I find someone attractive in their photo I read their profile carefully and thoroughly. On this basis there are several people I did not send a kiss to because our interests, requirements did not match.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 9, 2007 10:43 AM

Only a minor annoyance.... men who send me a kiss but fail to include their password....
It's a minor irritation as I said but I suspect it does prolong the hurt when I return a "no thanks" kiss which I am sure they believe it's the photo that was the decider. I may have been wavering before I saw the photo.

Posted by: TrumansCat at July 7, 2007 1:46 PM

Thanks everyone for your comments!! The date went well. Have another coming up soon!!

Posted by: Loulou62 at July 7, 2007 12:39 PM

Photo or no photo ? There is no right answer.

I prefer to leave mine password protected and find it makes little difference but it's a great filtering device for me. If I receive a kiss, at least I know there is a fair chance someone has read about me.

I'm looking for brains and beauty ideally but not as the only possibility. But if it's only beauty and not much brains, things are not going to last too long for me and I'd rather not waste every one's time and effort. Hopefully any kiss senders are in that category too and not just kissing everything that appears (but they might be) .

If I send a kiss, I'll send it without a photo initially once again to do a bit more filtering. It doesn't mean it's certain to work but once again the receiver hopefully has read my profile and is interested enough to then reply asking for my photo. I'll always send a reply with a photo password at that stage and I'll reply to every kiss with an honest reason - well the closest best answer available.

What happens next - well at times I refuse to buy another stamp if I've 'done my money' a few times with non responders. Sometimes, I'll initiate the email. One things for sure though, if someone has spent their money emailing me, I'll do the right thing and respond and give an iron clad promise to but the coffees if we end up meeting.

At the end of the day there are no black and white rules - we know the photos can be old, the profiles can be wishful thinking, there are plenty of scumbags out there playing games and it's pretty much pot luck and the only way is to trust your instincts.

The other thing is that 'desperate' is a really bad look and sound so I run a mile once I detect it and refuse to compromise my values - no matter what. If someone replies or doesn't , I never read anything into it and never take it personally.

Back to photos - I've been very pleasantly suprised by the nice compliments I have received when things do get to the face to face stage - beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder and what appeals to one is a total turnoff to another so be yourself and look forward to being pleasantly suprised.

Maybe see you out there one day !

Posted by: TheUnHomer at July 7, 2007 11:19 AM

nowandbeyond......
Yes, physical attraction is the way of the world.
However, I take on the motto......TRANSFORMERS...More than meets the eye.

I am definately MORE than a picture....deeper than the paper its printed on and have more to offer than lustful pre sleep time activities.

As for the lioness ONLY mating with lions WITHOUT full maines.....are you trying to tell me I should meet balding men...LOL

My pic was put on simply to give someone an idea of what I resemble, on a good day (you know....we DO have bad hair days).

In a nutshell I felt dirty and used...and I had never met this guy and will never do so.

Nope, this pic stays PWP and my profile invisible until I find a profile which I wish to respond to.

Posted by: womanof2007 (not real RSVP name) at July 7, 2007 10:13 AM

come on ....
physical attraction is the way of the world, whether you are human,animal or insect, no matter what creature there has to be attraction.
Did you know the lioness will only mate with the lions who don't have a full maine ??? Mmmmm!!!
Not just animal instinct!!!

Posted by: nowandbeyond at July 6, 2007 8:28 PM

Woohoo.....second blog EVER...

As explained in another blog topic.....I have chosen to PWP my pic as soon as one gent informed me of his nightly habbits after seeing my pic.

Hmmmmm I think hes a sick puppy myself cos I'm nothing to be getting excited over other than the fact I am female.

Am now reconsidering getting into this sort of meduim to "meet" people and have hidden my profile until further notice.

Great thought how I can still read others profiles and make a descision as to wether I send smiles or not.

Goodluck (still) to all of you

Posted by: womanof2007 (not real RSVP name) at July 6, 2007 7:58 PM

Hi LouLou62

Just checked your profile and it look's fine to me. Maybe the second para is a little long and could be broken into two to make it look better? I was a bit surprised however about your perfect night out - catching your own food? Quite unusual, I thought, but hey everyone is different.

I know you say you have a reason for not posting your photo but don't be too disillusioned because as you said in your profile "there must be some Chemistry happenin" so we just have to realise everyone is attracted to different looks, thank goodness. Don't take it too personally, after all most people are here looking for life partners, aren't we? I'd be more worried if there was NO Chemistry but they still wanted to go out with you. That would suggest a one night stand to me.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 6, 2007 10:46 AM

Hey BaldwynNights

Why not just post your photo and stop all the mucking around and complaining?

Posted by: woodnwine at July 6, 2007 10:24 AM

Very interesting ...just discovered these blogs. I have now taken my password off... I just wasn't sure about it. I didnt want to be judged for my looks I guess. But by the same token it is horrible when someone contacts you and they dont have a photo up.. you have to ask because we do get so much from looking at a person... are they honest looking, open, friendly.. and we have to have some attraction, whether it be a whole face or just eyes or a mouth. I also hate the choices of response...why cant we have the option of a single line of our own at least? I also am not keen on the fact that you have to send "a kiss" because it already has an intimacy attached.. I would rather send just a "smile" more of handshake, because you dont walk into a party or a bar and immediately kiss someone... you smile at them! Just a thought

Posted by: fabfi at July 6, 2007 7:21 AM

I agree with Patience's first comment on this all.

How many times have I felt guilty for rejecting a guy after I have read an interesting profile.

If guys think they are being rejected probably you are. Well, actually not probably. You are being rejected because your profile didn't measure up to the physical attarction one feels drawn towards.

I know I am not shallow but in cases such as interent dating, sometimes you have ONLY ONE chance to make an impression and to get your 'foot on the door' and if you don't do it right, that door won't open.

Personally, I have no doubts that I may have missed probably attractive people (to me anyway) because they don't display their photo. I simply don't click on them to avoid myself the aggrevation and disappointment of taking the time to read something from someone who may be a match intellectually but when the picture is revealed it's not someone who I could have a romantic relationship with.

Posted by: Cheerfulkitten at July 5, 2007 11:31 PM

I wonder at the age of some of the above writers. As a mature person, looks in a photo are my last priority. I guess I have a smaller group to search, but I check out all the profiles in my "ideal" bracket, and respond according to their profile whether or not I've seen their photo. If I send a kiss I send my password, and expect many to not respond. And a photo captures only a fleeting second of a person - spoken by one who hates having photos taken, as I never feel they do me justice. As for the person who thinks you can tell everything you need to know about a person from a photo, I'm not clairvoyant. Ever watched Spicks and Specks Muso or Murderer segment??

Posted by: naturelover13 at July 5, 2007 2:41 PM

I think the photo setup is excellent. I like to keep mine private until I know definitely who i am talking to. If the chaps dont like it that is their problem. I work very hard at painting a true picture of my type of woman on the written profile. If looks are everything and my personality is of no concern to them - then i am not interested.

Posted by: humournpassion at July 5, 2007 2:39 PM

This is a really interesting read. I am one who has a photo shown on my profile, as I believe it is honest and upfront to include it. I would like the same in return from people who contact me.

Also I really believe that everyone has a unique criteria as to what is attractive to them. A well written profile will speak to my brain, but there is the need for that elusive spark! On a dating website, the photo is the only indication of what that physical attraction is or if that spark might be there. It is a shame that some people don't use current or clear photos on thier profiles.

And, what about the profiles with one line or hardly any info in them. Again , I expect info in return for the info I have provided on my profile! If you are on a dating website, at least show honesty and interest in what you are doing.

PS - I do understand that if you work in defence, security, secret squirrels, police or like related jobs, that you would not probably want to display a photo, but these are what I consider the exceptions.

Posted by: junebaby57 at July 5, 2007 11:54 AM

Posted by: Notfos at July 4, 2007 3:04 PM

Ha Ha Notfos--- mate I've had similar experiences. Many and frequent kisses from women lurking my profile, loving my sense of humour (updated daily), saying how much we had in common and how much fun we could have together.
Whilst I matched every other criteria, I didn't/don't fit "their" narrowly prescribed cultural background requirements. Instead of replying to their Kisses, I send mine with a pic password and voila! "Thanks but no thanks!" (and no girls, I'm not ugly - just too Southern European evidently)
Another time, a woman breathlessly emailed her interest...I replied thanks, drinks on me, and oh, BTW, here's my pic password...stopped it dead right there, but hey, that's her $9 bucks gone, not mine.
And without opening a new blog topic (on the other hand ED., go ahead) and to pre-empt disapproving comments, I will say that it's my choice to proudly - and simply - identify as "Australian", nothing else.
Don't agree bloggers? Feedback welcome.

Posted by: BalwynNights at July 5, 2007 9:01 AM

i find it all really interesting picV's no pic. the only reason mine is not posted is because I have to find out how to do it, i am not as yet very computer savy. anyway if nothing else RSVP is a bit of fun

Posted by: MezaB at July 4, 2007 9:41 PM

Oh dayan, that is so funny. Dodged the bullet..
I agree with your comment about the choice of response thingies, they suck. No, they are down-right rude! Could we stab a little deeper please? You haven't offended me enough, I need more! What about: No, you are not for me, I've heard you kill mosquitos and we can't have that in a personality.

Posted by: RCDA at July 4, 2007 8:57 PM

LouLou62 you have a great profile..of course it made me curious enough to want to see you now so I sent you the request!
How was the date?

Dayan I hate that one too..it is quite nasty.

Posted by: patience at July 4, 2007 6:26 PM

Have read your profile LouLou62 and I think it's just fine, but I'm female and actually read profiles before looking at photos. Have you got some male friends who could pass an eye over it for you? Their thoughts would be far more relevant than mine :-)

Posted by: VictoriaDownunder at July 4, 2007 4:31 PM

On this subject I have one story which made me chuckle and still does. My photo is password protected and I noticed a an RSVPer was continually the last member to view my profile. I didn't contact her as I'm a smoker and that was listed as one of her criteria - "don't-smoke". Well she sent me a kiss with password to her photo and wishing to see my photo.
Now as I'm kind and considerate (and reading between the lines of the profile very well might I add) I thought it would be better not to reply to her kiss but to send my password in a kiss from me. Which also gives her all those fabulous reply options.
I am sure you all know the reply.

Blah, blah, blah, but I didn't match her ideal partner profile or whatever it actually says along those lines. I'm still laughing !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Notfos at July 4, 2007 3:04 PM

Why password protect your photo? The one thing I worry about most is sending a kiss to someone who has their photo password protected and then they send me their password, I see their photo and there is just no attraction. What do I do then without offending the probably very nice person?

That is not to say I think the person is necessarily unattractive, just not my style of person. I am a realist and know the type of person I am attracted to and wish to be with someone I adore in every way.

And ladies, please don't get on your back foot here because I think ladies also know what they are and are not looking for. EG my ex always hated it when I grew a moustache and would not kiss me. Some women adore shaved heads, others detest it, some like muscles, others don't etc etc. Let's get this right, are we looking for partners here or just friends? I am looking for a partner, but an extra friend is also always welcome too.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 4, 2007 8:30 AM

Right... That "you dont match my ideal partner profile" rejection notice has to go.
Its the only one that pisses me off.
If you fit all mentioned parameters listed in ideal partner and you get a "dont match my ideal" answer. You're being judged by your photo. Now wouldn't have a problem with this other than with replies from faceless individuals, who I hope are ugly too. Thankfully some of these uglies forget to pw protect their secondary photos and I get to think "Phew.. dodged the bullet with that one."

And I've come to terms with no replies. 3days and you're out "Loser".

sssighhhh.... much better out than in.

Posted by: dayan at July 3, 2007 7:22 PM

LouLou62, couldnt agree more with your comments. I dont have my photo displayed either, but am happy to send my password if anyone wants to see me. It's not because I have an ex-husband lurking in the shadows to worry about, because my husband died. For me, I dont want people judging me for having an RSVP profile since my husbands death -some people in the world believe that when a woman becomes a widow, she should be a locked away in her home forever, never to find love or romance again, and why should my life end because my husband's life did?? I'm still a pretty attractive and active women with a pulse, and look at least 10 years younger than my biological age and I want to be loved again just like the rest of us.

Physical attraction is one part of the chemistry in creating a relationship and photos are the only medium through RSVP in which we can make an assessment as to if we could be attracted to you.

So in closing, needing to see a pic is a two way deal, so if you dont have one, dont expect a response back - and please dont keep emailing me kisses if you dont provide a photo.

Posted by: ConfusedRSVPer at July 3, 2007 3:55 PM

Haven't read all these comments so forgive me if this has already been said. I rarely look at profiles with hidden photos as I wonder why it is hidden. My suspicion is based on the fact that my ex was cheating on me on RSVP whilst we were still together..........with a hidden photo! So now I wonder who else has something to hide. I understand that sometimes people believe they have legitimate reasons or are shy but come on, you have to show who you are eventually.

jaybe1

Posted by: jaybe1 at July 3, 2007 11:17 AM

I think photo's should be available for us to all view. I am not shallow, but I only look at profiles that have a photo. I do think that looks do play an important part in the process. If photo's where displayed straight away and you felt that you had elements in common with them, then potential for further contact is higher, rather than waiting for the photo and then seeing it and feeling no connection. Or if you have your photo password protected, when you send a kiss add the password! I don't kiss blind either. Hey whats with people contacting you and saying "we have heaps in common" and actually they don't have anything in common? Are they not reading your profile throughly!!!!!

Posted by: naturally321 at July 2, 2007 2:00 PM

When I first joined, I was so embarassed I hid my photo! Now I know how many people are out there looking for someone, I realise there is no need for shyness! Hence photo is posted; I just wish more blokes were not so self-conscious!! :)

Posted by: soph1 at July 1, 2007 4:47 PM

Have just discovered blogging (havent been on here for long)..... and just have to put my 2 cents worth in here.......
I have a valid reason for keeping my photo password protected for work/security reasons, dont need my face out there for all and sundry to recognise.... But am happy to share it with anyone that requests it. What amuses and amazes me is the amount of people who send kisses requesting pic and then dissappear off the face of the earth!! Even better are the ones who I e-mail and chat with and as soon as they see the pic are gone..... not sure what men my age are after, but maybe they should realise that I have lived a life and I'm sure I haven't been too battered by it .... may not look like a 21 year old model anymore, but for an old girl (hehehe) I dont think I'm too bad..... maybe my perception is out of whack??? Was in contact with 1 man (he knows who he is) for about a month...e-mail, chat and phone..... couldn't meet up for various reasons...work, broken cars, family commitments,... set a date... sent a pic and POOOOF...........he disappeared!!! LMAO....I know I'm better off without people like him, but it does make you wonder about people..... I have recently been in contact with a man from another site, and things are going OK there (even after the big "you show me yours and I'll show you mine" thing....... We plan to meet up on Monday..... so wish me luck!!
Everyone here seems so nice........would love some feed-back on my profile...I'll even show you the dreaded pic if you like!!!

Posted by: Loulou62 at July 1, 2007 2:35 AM

yes, that is right...look to your history books Suzie

Posted by: at June 30, 2007 9:38 PM

I wonder what all the bloggers think about all these random people looking at their profiles. I have to admit that curiosity has got the better of me and I've looked at the profiles of many of the bloggers.
I also checked out collectedstories after dayan suggested that she had an amazing profile. Wasn't able to find her so I'm now wondering if all the attention from us curious bloggers (male and female) freaked her out a bit. Or maybe her amazing profile worked for her and she found the man of her dreams.
Keep blogging everyone. It keeps me entertained.

Posted by: suzysure at June 30, 2007 5:12 PM

Personally I have been on this site before without a photo and have had more responses to when I have put my photo up this time round. Obviously I am not what men want in looks. I connect more with people without a photo and I would think that is mostly because I am online a lot and never see who I am talking too, but really if you can communicate well without a photo then when you finally see the person it doesn't matter what they look like as you have already established a rapport with this person.
I get more rejections now with my photo and it's bad I know but I hate having them taken but I believed in RSVP saying I would get more hits with a photo, well I think it's more kicks in the pants now.

Cheers and thanks for reading.

Posted by: goonellabah2002 at June 30, 2007 8:22 AM

Has anyone ever seen or read Beauty and the Beast? hmmm well maybe a few on here should do that. Look beyond the outer ...It really pisses me off when people keep knocking the idea about getting to know someones inner self ..and that looks count and so on and so on...Shallow shallow shallow. What about the Ugly Duckling? beautiful story.
You know I wonder what those people who look at the outer beauty would do if they had a child and it was disfigured in someway or disabled..would you love them any less? What if it was YOU who was disfigured? Would you expect to be loved any less? Your beauty comes from your soul, your heart and your mind...NOT your skin, your eyes, face, body.
I think people on here should just be thankful they have the ability to enjoy the lives they do.. the freedoms they have. Maybe we should all stop worrying so much about ourselves and care more about our world and our fellow man..and what we can do for them.
Just a thought! :-)

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at June 29, 2007 9:20 PM

Ultima Wizard...I am not defeated by your family secret....I have the Pina and the Colada, a whisk and the will to experiment...

On the subject of thinking that people don't read profiles...I think this is likely if they are so far out of your age group to be ridiculous or perhaps someone in the Top 100 who has been there for sometime....they will be the ones trying to generate action to keep them up there. I believe that people do read profiles and even though they may not match your ideal they are attracted and then hope that maybe you will be too so send a kiss. They probably think there is no harm in trying and really there isn't....

Posted by: patience at June 29, 2007 6:52 PM

I'm with you UltimaWizard...we need to like different things! I just snuck a look at your profile and it's really well written...don't change it!

If we didn't like different things the beach would be crowded at sunset, there wouldn't be a bottle of red wine left in the bottle store and there wouldn't be a copy of Shawshank Redemption left on the shelf at any video store!

It certainly isn't being shallow wanting to see who it is you are talking to - it is just human nature.

Woodnwine - you make some good points too - I'd not want any nasty little surprises. If I wanted a "blind" date - I'd have taken up friends' offers!!! Personally I prefer to see what I'm getting into!!

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at June 29, 2007 12:01 AM

Yes having a picture up is certainly more eye catching then that frame with contact me for my picture or password protected. However i have been on many dates and i have not been able to recognise them from there picture as either the picture is a decade old or they are long distance shots. In those cases you my as well not put a picture up as you don't look anything like it anyway.

Posted by: sicumrex at June 28, 2007 11:14 PM

Well patience, once again your rebuttal is fair and just.Sorry, but the mousse recipe is a family secret...In all honesty, everyone DOES like different things. We are all unique. I don't pretend to know anything about the opposite sex. But I do know one thing - I'm not going to change my profile because someone else tells me to, especially when they are on this website as well, and can't claim to have any better understanding of such things.My profile is fair dinkum honest, and it'll stay that way. I've been getting kisses, so there must be something about me that sparks of magic. I just haven't clicked yet with any of them, so to speak.If there are people that have been on rsvp for years and years and are yet to find that special someone, maybe they do need to think about changing something.Everyone deserves a bit of love. Just don't go blaming people for being shallow, because everyone is except the blind person.

Posted by: UltimaWizard at June 28, 2007 9:03 PM

Thanks Patience

And let's not just focus on overweight people. Some people might think someone is too thin, or not like the way they dress. Some women don't like moustaches or beards, others do. Some people adore the gothic look others don't. All this doesn't mean that they are bad people it just means we are all attracted to different looks - thank goodness. I for one just happen to think a relationship has a better chance of blossoming if two people like the way the other looks and presents themselves.

Posted by: woodnwine at June 28, 2007 7:50 PM

UltimaWizard ! Come here my lad ...I do agree with you that the yellow boxes are offputting and that we as a nation are in danger of becoming "weight challenged." Other than those statements I don't!!
If you are 26 6'3 and a male it is not that hard to keep the weight off...or in your case put it on in the first place!
Not everyone who is overweight is a sloth and doesn't care about their health or appearance.
The females of the species have a different makeup to men. They have a greater percentage of body fat(thin or overweight women) than men. This is natures store of energy in the event that the woman becomes pregnant and needs to provide nourishment to enable a live birth.
Men have more muscles, Muscles use a lot more energy(kj's or calories) to run. That is why it is important for women to exercise if they want to maintain a healthy weight..it helps to maintain their muscles instead of more fat layers.
Women are also shorter than men and have different Hormones which also favour easy weight gain. Sometimes the female Hormones act to stop the correct processing of food...doesn't happen in men.
So men have a much easier time of maintaining their ideal body weight.
Now, can I please. please have your recipe for Pina Colada Mousse???and don't leave out the vital ingredient or else.....

woodnwine I agree with you...always have....it is not shallow to want to be attracted to someone before contacting.

Posted by: patience at June 28, 2007 6:11 PM

Well, it's day four of my "visible" experiment and I have received way more kisses than normal. Good news huh?

Sadly though, 95% of them are from men that don't even come close to what I'm looking for... makes me doubt my profile is being read at all.

Oh well, such is life on RSVP!!

Posted by: VictoriaDownunder at June 28, 2007 4:52 PM

Hi mystery person June 28

Of course I read the profiles of people I am interested in, in fact I read them very carefully. I don't just look at the pictures, it's just that I don't have the time to read every profile on RSVP, I wish I did. If you do, you are lucky, you will probably find more interesting people because there are many here. Why would I want to look in Playboy, that seems like a silly comment.

Good luck with your search.

Posted by: woodnwine at June 28, 2007 2:42 PM

Each to their own on photo displaying. You hear over and over that personality is what matters. For all you guys know a password to enter a photo might reveal the full package you were looking for...oh but depth is there first ...oh and similar interests and something to talk about.

Posted by: hpygrl31 at June 28, 2007 2:18 PM

Wow so much agression from so many people it's scary. Put simply, people are attracted to who they are attracted to. That's not prejudice or shallowness it's just a fact of life. So why not post your photo straight up and only get contacted by people who are attracted to you - both your looks and your profile? Isn't it that simple?

PS sorry for all the questions but isn't that what blogs are about? Oops another question.

Posted by: woodnwine at June 28, 2007 12:32 PM

all i can say to you woodnwine and Ultimawizard, if you cannot take the time to read the profiles and just wanna look at pretty pictures, buy yourselves a copy of Playboy and try and contact a bunny. Get real guys, read the profiles, don't be neanderthals.!!!!!!!

Posted by: at June 28, 2007 11:54 AM

Good point wishfulthinker03. I have met some ladies after seeing their photos and if they hadn't approached me I would have walked straight past them. Luckily they were nice ladies but they looked nothing like their photos. Why?

Posted by: woodnwine at June 28, 2007 10:48 AM

Ladies, post your photo with your profile please. Some degree of physical attraction has to be there before you can decide if you want to get to know the person better. Also, there are so many profiles listed I simply don't have the time to read every one so I don't even look at the ones without photos. This doesn't mean I am shallow just a realist and probably means I am missing some great profiles. So go on, take the plunge, what are you hiding from - your husband?

Posted by: woodnwine at June 28, 2007 10:41 AM

I'm sick and tired of searching for women and seeing the 'yellow box'.I'm sure a lot of guys are with me when I say looks do matter when someone is such that they cannot look after themselves. It is a sad fact that too many Aussies are becoming obese, which I believe is the biggest problem. I'm proud to say my photo is recent: I AM that thin. I don't need anything else (except maybe a close-up of me grinning, that frown can't be helping). If someone doesn't want to show themselves, I just don't bother with them. Password-protected photos are in the same boat. It isn't hard to stay in shape. I don't exercise one iota, yet I don't put on the pounds.It's not about being vain. It's not about 'looks-are-all-that-matters' (I have the 'average' box ticked at present). Personality is equally important, and I love a great smile. But how is anyone supposed to get an accurate picture with out-of-date or 'passworded' photos? In the end, these people are only fooling themselves.My advice is: buy a cheap camera, snappy-snap yourself, then upload it via usb port. It's that simple. Matter of fact, I'll do that this weekend. One photo of myself at a distance doesn't do me credit...

Posted by: UltimaWizard at June 27, 2007 11:21 PM

EternalDreamer posted on June 16

"Does anyone else have the same person looking at your profile over and over (thanks to the little who last looked at you button), and yet NEVER make contact???? Is this common?"

I have the same person there for days on end !! Could they be jammed ?

I feel that the current options for the display of photos to be fair and diverse. There could be a myriad of valid reasons for password protecting one's photos.

Having someone jammed on it could be just one of them !

Posted by: HappyYetHopeful at June 26, 2007 9:03 PM

Password protected - hmmm..I have stopped protecting mine after first taking part in this blog...while I get more "kisses", some of them are a lot less desirable and obviously haven't read the profile (only looking at the pictures???). I'm not opposed to older men (or younger ones for that matter!!), but why do we list age preference (as a ballpark figure) and still get men old enough to be my father and boys young enough to be my son - WHILE they can see my photo? Am I giving out the wrong message here?

Just on the lighter side...while reading these and finding men do not like "Glamour shots" (or whatever they are called these days), I came across a lovely looking man, just down the road as it turns out and he sent me an email - wheeehooo I thought...however, he then sent me a password to view his other pics..I swear I was looking at a totally different man. So much so that had I arranged to meet I'd have walked past him three times or more before I realised it was him. Why bother? That is just as bad as posting the "before" shot, before you put on 15kg....

To password protect or not - hmmm..I'll just keep changing my mind on that - and see what it brings!

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at June 26, 2007 11:16 AM