RSVP Blog

To those of you that can do it, hat's off to you. Love in any form is great so go for it where ever you can find it.
Goodbye for now...

Posted by: woodnwine at September 14, 2007 11:22 AM

long distant relationships just dont work. MY ex feonce and i were so happy together. i was forced to move interstate for work and within 2 weeks we were over. she said somthing about that i wasnt there for anymore like id promised..... its quiet sad really. so yeah believe me no matter how strong a relationship is it will never work long distace.

Posted by: Lookn4princess at September 13, 2007 8:49 AM

I could never understand how 2 people could ever be in love and live so far apart... Imagine the loyalty & trust involved or maybe i'm just blind and lack this kind of passion towards someone and would rather have them here to hold and share my life... would kind like calling them cute little pets at the petshop, yours... final note:(my thoughts due to boredom.)

Posted by: g00glesBACK at September 11, 2007 7:08 PM

Allways fun. I just wanted to respond to your message. There is no way, not under any condition at all would I leave my children to be with someone in another country. Infact, I wouldn't leave my children full stop. I actually feel sorry for her in a way. What is driving her to make such an irrational decision and she has only spent 2 weeks with him. Hugssssssss to your Children

Posted by: downtoearth1965 at September 7, 2007 11:09 AM

Long distance relationships wouldn't stand a chance if emails were as slow as these blogs.

Posted by: at September 4, 2007 8:21 AM

It's too easy for women or men to play with your emotions from the other side of the planet and then when you say that you know they are playing the field all the love letters suddenly stop,I think that this sux big time,I feel we should all go back to the school social days, see what you like and go for it, and take the heartache and the guess work out of the equation fairly quickly.Where are all the real genuine women gone?Mr right has been taken and the ladies who have them know this,ladies stop being airheads and take a look at what the older generation have got in abundance,the ability to find true romance,not the most handsome,rich man on the block.

Posted by: macc4 at September 3, 2007 12:41 AM

I have actually been involved in 2 long distance relationships (not at the same time), and have found that although I can deal with them, and can remain faithful and stay in love with my partner, they cannot. To me, I think the real issue is how committed a person is to a relationship. The first relationship didn't really work, although it fizzled out after I moved back to the same town as my partner, but it was because my ex couldn't control me and pressure me into doing what he wanted. That space allowed me to review my life, and realise that I was not happy, and he was not very nice.
The second relationship ended because my partner's feelings did not reflect mine. It was only 3 months after I moved interstate that he broke up with me, and I think that it was because I was not physically there to keep him focussed on me. I think, for him, he cannot commit to someone unless they are physically there, or only absent for a short period of time.
I have seen successful long-distance relationships; my brother-in-law is American, he and my sister met while she was over there for uni, and they were apart for over a year before they could get married. The have been happily married for over 8 years now, with 2 lovely little boys, and another baby on the way.
I believe that long-distance relationships CAN work, but only if each party is 100% committed to each other, and to making the relationship work. Even if they only see each other every 6 weeks or so, if they are both committed, it should work. Plus, you have Defense personnel who are deployed overseas, sometimes for up to 12 months, and they are away from their families, yet they still work at the relationship, remain committed to it, and it all works out in the end.
I am not afraid of long-distance relationships, I would be willing to travel interstate to visit my partner, and I believe that if I can find someone who would be as committed as I would, then the distance would not be an insurmountable issue.
Happy hunting, everyone!

Posted by: Wraecca at September 2, 2007 6:12 PM

My ex-wife had left me for her internet boyfriend in the USA, they were talking about getting married in 7 years after her kids grew up. He turned around last week and said that he wanted a break so now she is moving over there as soon as shen can to live. My kids are heart broken that their mum is deserting them. She has only ever spent 2 weeks with him. The visa she is getting means that once she arrives there they have to get married within 90 days. So my question to people is, i understand falling in love, but would you desert you kids to be in a relationship that may or not work?

Posted by: allwaysfun at September 2, 2007 8:55 AM

So a purely chat oriented connection with somone is classed as a relationship???
I gotta get less real and start getting more cyber. he he

Posted by: getReal at September 1, 2007 3:06 PM

Years ago I met a man on a singles site and he was in Arizona. We talked via phone, tapes, emailed etc for months and he sounded just right. I flew to Arizona to meet him and found that he was not what he said he was. Had no interest in sex at all, spent most of his time on his computer, only ate potatoes and was a cardiac cripple in that he was scared all the time of having another heart attack so would not venture more than a few miles from home. Nevertheless I enjoyed and made the most of my stay and put it all down to experience.

I knew a man who met a lady in Alaska online and after a couple of months he flew over there and married her and they are still together after 12 years.

Distance does not bother me and I am prepared to travel to meet and would relocate for the right man. I just have to find him!

Posted by: mushie6 at September 1, 2007 11:19 AM

As it is I sit in limbo wondering where to be.

* Posted by: mod63 at August 24, 2007 10:13 AM

DEEP DOWN YOU KNOW WHERE YOU WANT TO BE, SO TRUST THAT INSTINCT

.

Long distance love is very complicated. I had to spend lot money on viberators

* Posted by: Jennifer at August 23, 2007 9:34 PM

possibly too much info....

Posted by: TwoEyes at August 31, 2007 4:51 AM

I had a 2 year relationship with a guy who lived in Germany...we chatted everyday for that entire time. We met in Greece once and always thought we would catch up again. I began to see we could never really be together so I ended it. I need the real thing when it comes to love not just companionship over the phone.

Posted by: robynnc at August 28, 2007 7:08 PM

'Firstly Pushkina - thankyou for your story - but I have to ask - if things are so good - why are you on RSVP?'

Posted by: greenfingersA at August 19, 2007 8:19 PM

Don't assume that everyone who has posted here is on RSVP. I'm not - I just was reading the SMH online and came across the topic.

Posted by: Dani at August 27, 2007 5:53 PM

Too hard, too much local competition.

Posted by: woodndoit at August 27, 2007 5:48 PM

What's the definition of a relationship 'working'??

If its " 'til death do us part", then 99% of our relationships don't work. There are a multitude of reasons for this; distance simply adds another potential reason.

I had a long-distance (Australia - New York) relationship for four years. The reason it ended had nothing to do with distance but because he and I were ultimately not suited to be committed intimate partners for life.

P.S. Lack of apologies for any spelling or grammar errors. Life's too short.

Posted by: Dani at August 27, 2007 4:36 PM

If I can put my two cents worth in� love is such an incredible feeling that we have all chased it so to speak�it�s like a rainbow at times, tangible, beautiful but sometimes fleeting. I lived in England, met an Australian over there, and eventually he wanted to return home �for the weather�, which at the time of giving up my family and friends etc, I didn�t really understand, but you do it, because of how you feel. Living in a different country is often so much harder than you ever imagine, there can be incredible loneliness, and the constant pull from friends and family back home. So becoming settled takes time and determination and support from your partner. I found that the person that I thought I knew, wasn�t really the same� I think it was just an extended holiday romance, no commitments etc, and once back home life was quite different. I have been here 18 years now, and two children later, divorced, friends often say, are you going to go back�. Of course not� my life has moved on, children� I couldn�t and wouldn�t leave mine, not for anyone.

I also did it all in reverse, having a very long internet relationship with a friend of mine from England who I�d meet when I was 13� the problems I see with using the internet, is often because all you have is email and phone calls, it becomes incredibly intense, and certainly more addictive, because you have to find the words to describe how you feel, (just how often to people say the same things face to face, sometimes, but not everyday!) it has little to do with the realities of real life� you don�t get to see the warts and all that you do in a face to face relationship. It becomes a bit of a fantasy I feel. The feelings I had were intense and incredible, but the reality when he arrived here was very different, from the chatty person I thought he was, because of all our mail, phone calls, he was quiet, and a man of very few words. He was terribly torn leaving his children, and country, and although I have no doubt loved me, it hurt him so much to be with me, because of the loss of everything else. We tried to make it work on and off for 18 months, but in the end, it was kinder to both of us to end the relationship, and try and salvage our lives in one form or the other. I saw what it did to him and I wouldn�t now have an international relationship with someone again. I have no regrets but I have learnt from it. I know that I want a real, face to face relationship with someone.

Posted by: rainbow65 at August 24, 2007 1:16 PM

mod63

Sad story but sounds like you still have hope in your heart. I wish you well and am sure that you will make the right decision for you. It's also nice to see that you write without malice and that says volumes about you as a person.

Posted by: woodnwine at August 24, 2007 11:28 AM

Can long distance work? In some circumstances I think it can. I wonder when you live in the country and someone in the city looks at your profile do they discount you because of that. People sometimes limit their search to just around the corner and I wonder if it were that simple wouldn’t they have found each other by now? I think it’s good to be open to the option but realistic in terms of cost and means of communication and be as sure as you can be before taking the step.

Posted by: Will2live at August 24, 2007 11:05 AM

I moved countries to be with the love of my life 16 years ago. 2 years ago he decided he had found a new love. Now I find myself between a rock and a hard place. Make a life here with no close family or return home to a place that no longer resembles the home I left. I'm only in my early 40's no children and no family here, even his family, who I thought cherished me, have made their decision and blood is thicker than water. Thank goodness for good friends. However, if I had to do it all over again I would think a lot harder about my decision. I have given up being with family in the good and the bad times. My father passed away without me be there to be with him or be with my mother. My nieces and nephews have had children that I have never met and the person I chose to leave it all for let me down, although I never thought he would. At the end of the day the lesson I have learnt is that you have to make choices that are right for you and you alone. You can not reply on anything but the fact that you will be with you at the end. So be happy with that person and anything and anybody that comes in or out of your life is a bonus. As it is I sit in limbo wondering where to be.

Posted by: mod63 at August 24, 2007 10:13 AM

I met a girl in New Zealand while I was working over there for 2 months. We clicked in a lot of ways. I flew over there 5 times in one year to be with her. My visits ranging from 4 days to 3 weeks at a time. She flew over to see me once. At first we treated it like a fun and sexy thing without being serious but after my second visit we were talking on the phone everyday and emailing frequently. We progressed to telling each other we loved each other and after 6 months started to talk about a future together. At first it was stalemate because neither of us wanted to move. I didnt because I have a son here who I have part custody and we are very close, she didnt because she had a son also and was worried about uprooting him from all his family, grandparents etc. Eventually her family told her to go for it and she did. She had a good job and house, a great circle of friends. She quit the job, rented the house out and shipped most of her belongings over. We lasted 18 months together. I ensured she wasnt out of pocket to get back home. It didnt work because we were so different in how we approached parenting and housekeeping. My verdict is that while it was long distance it was the most intense romantic and exiting relationship I have ever had and I knew deep inside it wasnt going to work but I couldnt help myself to stop the tide coming over. I have no regrets. Practically I should of saved myself a lot of money and found myself a girlfriend here in Aus. I was just so taken with her I couldnt be logical. She benefited also because she otherwise wouldnt have had the chance to experience life in a different country. It is one of those experiences where you get to know yourself. I am now trying to find the girl of my dreams within 25 km.

Posted by: capeforward at August 24, 2007 2:57 AM

Long distance love is very complicated. I had to spend lot money on viberators

Posted by: Jennifer at August 23, 2007 9:34 PM

I met my husband when I was 21 working at a summer camp for 2 months in the US. We had a long distance relationship for three and half years, until he moved to Australia last year and we got married. Long distance relationships have lots of good qualities too. They make you work much harder at communicating, maybe writing or saying things that might be taken for granted when you are physically together. I treasure all his letters and emails and appreciate him being around now so much more. I don't ever take his presence for granted after doing the long distance thing for so long.

Posted by: at August 23, 2007 12:08 PM

Hi karano

sorry to hear about your predicament but I find it hard to imagine that this is the first person (of either sex) that you have liked in 29 years. Surely this can not be true.

Posted by: woodnwine at August 21, 2007 9:33 PM

Blondenursey,

I was moved by your story as I was by Kalliope's last month.

You both loved deeply and must still be hurting terribly.
I hope he realises his loss and asks you to return. (If that is what you want)

I know that heartache can span decades if they are the love of your life/your soulmate. Mine died twenty-three years ago and that has been the longest distance love you can imagine......

Not a day goes by that I don't think of him in some way but, like you, I am open to a new romance.

As Woodnwine says be positive and you will be rewarded.

Posted by: Thistime2 at August 21, 2007 5:33 PM

hi to all. one of my housemate is an overseas phd student. and for the first time in my 29 years i had the true feeling to say 'i like you' to someone. the reason for infatuatioin was obvious. reasonably smart, nice, caring and good looking with a wit. my first housemate in 4 years who would talk about his or her daily stuff, my first travel partner in almost 10 years and after realising that i have a feeling for her she just started avoiding me. dont know what to do about it because of my no experience but if she would ask me if i can do something for her. i will only say.... that will be an honor. and needless to say i can wait for her and i can do more than just wait for her. and despite all that i must say that perhaps things might be different if i had met her online.... well, good luck guys.

Posted by: karano at August 20, 2007 11:31 PM

Long distance relationships are very hard. I was in one about 18 mths ago for about 9 mths. I live in Melb and he was in Adelaide. We spoke almost everyday on the phone. The down side was that you would go out on the weekend and still felt like a single because you weren't with them but were more reserved the plus side was that when we did get together the sparks flew. We are no longer together and I guess I'm still looking for my perfect partner.

Posted by: tmk961 at August 20, 2007 10:57 PM

No More Mind Games!!!Long distant relationships do work but have had a ordinary experience from a certain member who thinks they can toy with persons emotions by having more than one contact. This is alarming as for me I was only seeing her and she was playing the field and just dont know why she didn't be honest as her profile said and was actually someone else. This is so sad for them and dont know how people can live with themselves they are only kidding themselves at the end of the day, maybe that is why they are divorced and should be more up front and not so decieving and hope they catch a disease but I supose they have the disease inside them !!!
SHAME SHAME SHAME........ so beware people as they are out there and hope they get their just deserts.

Posted by: Ace1965 at August 20, 2007 10:21 PM

Hi, new to this, this is my first post.

i met a man on here, love at first pic! lol

head over heels and just could not get enough, lots of passion in our chats, all was worked out from the start, he wanted to move to australia from the US, so no decision.

He then had this business trip first, would be about 3 weeks then he would come to melbourne to meet me.

well on his business trip he had a bag stolen with the work laptop in it.

Long story short, he wanted me to send him another laptop to Ghana and he would pay me later LOL, i was not born yesterday, then realised this was all just a scam.

Just beware, he had very ligitimate pics and story, however it was too good to be true and just too full on too soon.

just my experience with a long distance romance, online anyway :)

Posted by: dtegal at August 20, 2007 9:41 PM

I feel the internet has given us the instrument to allow us to have long distant relationships, be it good or bad.Ive attempted them myslef and found them difficult.I also feel that those of us who choose to have them are in some way seeking a way to let our imaginations travel, but not our selves.The feelings we get from such relationships are very real,but not alltogether true.Besides, there are so many wonderful people in perth,I say we should keep the love we have in our own back yards.
Oh ps, excuse any spelling or english mistakes ive made.........after all im only human:).

Posted by: goldilocks62 at August 20, 2007 6:28 PM

Long distance realtionships will either work or they won't.

I haven't been in one myself, but my brother recently got engaged to his girlfriend of 3 years. They've been in a long distance relationship and it has worked.

It helps that they can afford to visit each other a couple of times a year when they both have holidays.

As another example, one of my friends was in a long distance realtionship with a guy from America. They were together for two years, and even though they visited each other once a year, the strain of not being able to see each oher every week got to them and they broke up.

It really depends on how much they care for each other, how much patience they have, and how willing they are to wait weeks, months and sometimes years before they can finally be together.

I hope that helps.

Posted by: JennaJayen at August 20, 2007 5:17 PM

I truly believe long distance relationships can work, I had one for 15months and was totally and utterly committed to him and him to me..
We met online in the March of 06, spoke every day/night online/cam/sms/emails/phone until July when we met in Singapore/Malaysia for two of the best weeks of my life. I knew when we met in real life he was the love of my life. He felt the same.. we loved the same things, same plans, ideas, just everything was perfect.
We went our seperate ways, me to Australia, him back to London (he was welsh however) and continued talking as before if not with more intensity than previously.
I flew to be with him in the November after I graduated in my nursing degree and lived with him and his 3 older children for two and half months in a small semi detached house near Reading.
I would be woken at 5am with a coffee, him heading off to work as a policeman, so I would pack his lunch and have a fab dinner ready on his return home at 7pm that night.
I missed him so much even when I was living in the same house as he was. My heart would pound every time I laid eyes on him and still does to this day.
We spent xmas with his parents/children in Wales, flew to paris, bath, etc for some magic times.
He began a new job in his police force which made him go away two of every four weeks to scotland and on courses, a drop in pay, kids wanting to move back to his ex wife etc..
He finally started to show signs of ..this is too hard for me..I need a break, I need to concentrate on my career etc..
Anyway he finally decided he didnt want a r/ship, but to concentrate on children/work/ etc..
I truly believe he loves me but he is unable to commit (he did say that to me, that I deserve someone who can commit to me) yet I cannot believe I will not ever see him again, I know in my heart that I will.
I would have given up my grad year in nursing to be with him, he only had to make a call and say i want you .. i would have gone..and i still would....
I believe I found my perfect lover and friend, its just so heart breaking to think maybe he did too but isnt ready...
So life goes on.. he comes online once in a blue moon and I want to just tell him he will never find someone who would do anything in the world for the man I love. I am independant, my two children are adults so I am able and willing to do anything for love. I find distance is no problem if you are both committed to being together, wanting the end result of being together and trusting each other to be true and honest and open about their seperate lives as jealous is a very big issue.
It was for him, he would always ask who I was talking too or seeing.
I was faithful to him for 15months, however I am now trying to get my life back to some normality and moving on. He will always be a special person in my life and heart.
Love has no postcode....

Posted by: Blondenursey at August 20, 2007 4:43 PM

Hi all!..... I am new to RSVP but not new to love. Just a little short of it at the moment. LONG DISTANCE LOVE? I say "what distance love?" It takes the 4 ingredients needed in any successful relationship- desire, commitment, communication and sacrifice. I understand we just cant pack up and go running around the countryside due to work, children, family etc even more so for caring mums BUT we all claim to be looking for our soulmate,lover, best friend or whatever and live happily ever after. As many of us are not so young our search may be more difficult. I am realistic and positive enough to believe we may find love anywhere. I value "my princess" , the one who will capture my heart and I am prepared to search the land of OZ to find her! I will maintain course and speed regarding my day to day life where ever my choices take me, but keep a weather eye out for "the one". Anything worth having rarely comes easy, that way we appreciate it/them more. We are all single( I hope!) and we not all "victims" of our past lives.We made choices , live with them or learn from them! "LOVE IS LIKE MONEY, ITS POTENTIAL IS ONLY REALISED WHEN YOU GIVE IT TO SOMEONE ELSE, SPEND IT WISELY!"- William

Posted by: imanenigma at August 19, 2007 11:29 PM

Long distance relationships can work if you both want it to work. I would go to the moon to be with my true love. I live in east Brisbane and met a man in West Brisbane. It was love for me, but too far to travel for him. His loss!!

Posted by: at August 19, 2007 10:35 PM

Firstly Pushkina - thankyou for your story - but I have to ask - if things are so good - why are you on RSVP?

Secondly on behalf of the two successful long distance couples I do know, who won't be on RSVP because they are couples. One guy had seven kids and met a lovely girl from Indonesia through RSVP, they have now been happily married for several years and are bringing up the kids together - you should see her serving up the dinner - its amazing!

Another couple I know , met through RSVP , he from Adelaide, she from Sydney and have now been married for years and living in SA.

I live in a country town an hours drive from the city . Yes it makes it difficult , particulaly when the other person has a full time job on the other side of town, plus kids every second weekend , plus sport etc etc. But I figure the right person for me is out there somewhere and distance is just another way of defining their motives. Afterall, a relationship based on convenience isn't necessarily going to be a great one!

Posted by: greenfingersA at August 19, 2007 8:19 PM

I tried long distance years ago and it also failed. The guy I was with ended up getting back with an old g/f and ended up getting married. I dont mind if they are a few hours away from you, but interstate is hard.

Posted by: singlelady at August 19, 2007 10:42 AM

I honestly can't see how a long distance relationship can work unless both parties commit to living with each other when they both feel comfortable and secure in the other persons honesty and worth.

I Like Hitsville50's example even though they did eventually break up. :(

Posted by: Maxim88 at August 18, 2007 9:05 PM

Sometimes the distance between two people in the same room can be huge.

Therefore I think all love is long distance until you find that special person that you absolutely click with. A rare find.

Posted by: woodnwine at August 17, 2007 11:03 AM

Long Distance Love Affair

He came , he saw , he conquered, he left his calling card..... ladies beware.
I am from Adelaide and began communicating with the most charming man who asked me to marry him. We met after 4 weeks of long telephone calls, got the roses and love and had a lovely weekend together. He went back to Sydney and I was going to join him with my children after some long distance travelling to and fro.
I received a call from his WIFE last night. To say your world falls apart is an understatement.
DONT go there unless you know the person is legit, his so called single status is not so. And conveniently hides his profile when he is on his next romantic quest.
and conveniently charms the pants off his next woman.

It does not work for the majority, but hey, its all good. Put it down to life experience

Posted by: goddess66 at August 15, 2007 9:46 AM

I met him in here.The only one i acept to meet offline...luckylly he was the good one.We have 2 amazing years..but he had to left Sydney back to his country ..2 years from that day,we still intouch via email,phone very offen ,i still miss him ,can't stop thinking of him but still not trust in long distant love.

Posted by: strangergal at August 14, 2007 4:02 PM

My first marriage over 20 years ago was the result of a long distance relationship held with a beautiful Dutch lady I met In England while on a tour. I'm 5'2" she was a tall Dutch Blonde about 5'9" and the most unlikley person i would have expect to fall for me and vice versa. We were "involved" for the last 5 days of that tour. While I expected her to go back to her life in Holland and forget me, the opposite occurred so then we wrote to & phoned each other for 12 months..the phone bills were horrendous! :) Between us we wrote 73 cards & letters to each other, some in the region of 10-12 pages each. It was like an ongoing conversation. All this in the days BEFORE email & online internet chat.
She came to Australia under her own steam for me (I still can't get over that) and we lived together for 12 months b4 marrying. She eventually got homesick and we tried living in Holland...She came here for me so I figured I could do no less. However we eventually broke up for varying reasons. We were married a total of 3 years.
LDR's can work but it takes a lot of courage, conviction, commitment & love to make it work.

Posted by: Hitsville50 at August 13, 2007 9:02 PM

I beleive Long Distance can last if you can keep it in ur pants and persevere My American Girlfriend I met on Yahoo a few yrs ago we spoke on phone we talked on the net emailed each other talked on mic and so forth I payed for her flight to Aus at the end of last yr for 3mths we had a really good time but due to her haven kids back in the usa thats where she has to be but we are perservering Im saving up and I will soon be living In Nevada with her Why cause I love her for her soul wat she brings to this world her body is just a bonus I love Jean she may have crashed me car but I still love her lol so yes LongDistance does work

Posted by: I forgot dont use RSVP but me Aunt does at August 13, 2007 2:16 PM

I live in a tiny town on the far south coast of NSW where the average age is 67. There is a single male shortage if you're under 60, so I have no choice but to look afar!
Of course, if you are a guy aged in his 30s living in Bega Valley, single, and in need of a dining/activity companion, feel free to contact me. HA! There are some single men down here in my age bracket but they seem to tick all the deal-breaker boxes (see other blog) or be so in demand they can pick and choose (and no-one chooses me, boo hoo).

Maybe distance is a good thing at least at the start. Does it let you get to know one another better first? If you like space and not to feel smothered, does distance fit the bill? I think travelling to meet one another would be exciting in the beginning (almost clandestine and naughty) but I'd tire of it pretty swiftly (cos I'm a girl who likes a bit of instant gratification now and then). Hmm, that came out worse than it should!

Posted by: batwiwsc1 at August 12, 2007 12:32 PM

Just spent the last two weeks chatting to a guy via email...he insisted that I go and meet him...Booked the airfairs(interstate) and next day I get the "dear jane" email...He is in love with someone else....BUT he has blocked me on the site yet his profile is still live on the site...hmmmm...yes... guess how this one feels..and how much out of pocket I am...am I gulible OR WHAT..!!

Posted by: sunkissedqlr at August 10, 2007 10:19 PM

I met my now wife, while travelling in America in 1998. We started an email/phone relationship and she flew down for a holiday twice in 1999, so I moved to the US in 2000 on a work visa.

I couldn't find work in her state, and she was doing her post grad so couldn't move. So we spent another year being bi-coastal before I moved to be in the same place as her in 2001.

We have been together ever since, we were married in 2005 and we relocated to Brisbane at the end of last year.

There can be strains at times, and if she can't settle in here, and we have to relocate back to the US, I think it will be tough for a while before we reach compromise, but so far it's worked.

It is a relationship that is 9 years old now, and I couldn't imagine finding happiness with anyone else.

With how hard it is to find your mate, I think that if you do find "the one", then distance is just logistics and if you can't overcome it, then the love wasn't deep enough to start with.

Anyone reading this blog who has found someone overseas, don't listen to the pessimism here, just jump in with both feet if you feel strong enough and even if it doesn't work out, you will have the adventure of a lifetime.

Regards
Damian

Posted by: LongDistanceCanWork at August 10, 2007 12:53 PM

Long distance love CAN work!!! But only if both parties are willing to making sacrifices and comittment. I am speaking from personal experience, as I am an Aussie who is living in Mexico with my wife, who is Mexican. We have been married for just over 8 years, and have 2 wonderful children who were born here in Mexico. We wrote to each other, and spoke by phone for 2 years before we finally decided to meet, but after that, the rest, as they say, is history. Eventually we are going to go back to Australia, but after having been here in Mexico for 8 years, I have had the opprtunity to experience so much. There are no regrets or misgivings on either of our parts for the chance(s) that we took it giving our relationship a go.

The bottom line is that BOTH parties neeed to be willing to make sacrifices and a long term comittment for the relationship to work

Posted by: frank at August 10, 2007 1:21 AM

long distance luv...???
first time did not work out. She was in Sydney (oh Sally where are you now?)
and me in Melbourne.

The 2nd time did work. She was in Brisbane and me in Melbourne. 16 hectic months of flights, long distance phone calls, long weekends meeting somewhere (...anywhere) and today we are still together.

Aint luv wunnerful!

Posted by: Smitty at August 9, 2007 5:12 PM

I can only agree woodnwine that there is something rather nice about the personal stories on this particular blog. Most of them are clearly from the heart and as a result seem to inspire a generosity of spirit in return - as distinct from the kind of point scoring and harshness that is occuring on the other blogs. If I want brutal reality I can find that in lots of places.

That doesnt mean I'm looking for some kind of delusional escape into an impossible situation..............but sometimes it's the stories against all odds that touch our hearts the most.

Kalliope

Posted by: kalliope at August 9, 2007 12:44 AM

Some nice stories here, makes me start to think I should re-examine the distance thing. Sometimes things just seem too hard but maybe we should grab onto something when we see it and just forget the obsticles. I once fell head over with someone in Finland but gave up after a few months of lovely letters. I went back some time later but she was in a relationship so we both gave up.

Keep up the nice stories it makes a nice, positive change to some of the other blogs.

"Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile." (Franklin P Jones)

Posted by: woodnwine at August 8, 2007 8:07 AM

I don't think it can work long term. But in the short-term, sure. When I first met my wife, I lived in one country, she lived in another. I met her while on holiday in her country. After a a year or more of me traveling (4 hour international flight) to see her about once a month for long weekends and holidays, she came to visit me for the first time where I lived and stayed for a month or more. It was difficult for her to keep getting visas to do that, however, and ultimately fate intervened. Against huge odds I found a job -- quite by chance -- in her country that matched my skill set and experience. It was easy to decide. I followed love and moved to her country full time.

Posted by: at August 7, 2007 3:45 PM

Hi everyone

Trumanscat, I do enjoy your intelligent, insightful blogs. You come across as a good example, that romantic doesn't mean you don't have a brain. I totally agree, it's all about timing, I am sure some of you have had some bizarre link up's, with people who inadvertantly have been on the perimetres, in real life.

I feel distance is a major obstacle but at the same time some of the hardest relationships are right on our doorsteps. Possibly it is, very much, just a state of mind.

To my blogging kisser, still can't reply suitably, but sure you realise it's mutual.

Cheers

wwff8

Posted by: wwff8 at August 7, 2007 3:12 PM

I met someone in Australia, three days before he flew back to the Baltic country he's from. We e-mailed for three months before I went back to England where I still live (I'm an Aussie), then met up, and have been together ever since. 4 and almost a half years long-distance now, and counting. We see each other every two or three months, more lately, 1000 miles and 3 hours on a plane apart. It's been bloody hard, but for reasons connected with his personal situation, not really the long distance thing. We feel like we're always together, even when we're apart. I'm not sure if it would be the same without e-mail, texts, Skype, and cheap flights - modernity really helps. Absolute trust is the other big issue. If there is the shadow of a doubt about the other person, it won't work (I had a relationship break up after a seven months' distance separation because of this). I think different country long distance is easier than interstate, actually, because you both know it's hard to get there. When you could see each other more, you feel you have to, and that can build up resentments on both sides when it doesn't happen. I don't know what will happen when we really try and be together. Our cultures are really different, which puts pressure on the foreign person. I don't know how it's going to work out, I hope for the best, and have joy in the moment. The most important thing though is that they are the right person. If they are, distance is no distance. If not, it will peter out. I feel blessed and lucky in my long distance relationship, and wouldn't have swapped its quality for something more convenient.
Thank you to everyone who has shared their stories on the blog. It makes me feel hopeful, and not alone in my situation.

Posted by: betablossom at August 7, 2007 6:54 AM

Love is about timing isn't it? And attitude too I think. It was nice to read some great stories about love happening despite the distance, it gives me hope for love to happen anywhere.

Posted by: TrumansCat at August 6, 2007 9:54 PM

Wow I love this blog, its what they should be about.. finding love, sometimes where there are the biggest hurdles to overcome.

Yannick, SMR, Steve, Olive and Poomunks(cute name), what lovely and inspiring words. Thanks, you have restored my faith in at least some of these blogs. :-) Wish you all the best for the future.

Posted by: at August 6, 2007 7:34 PM

Let me just start by saying that long distance relationships are very hard!
Almost impossible... In my opinion they ahave very little chance of lasting.

I met the love of my life overseas in europe, with myself residing in sydney and she in melbourne. After returning home to sydney and her to melbourne, we would try and see each other every month but it was too hard as I also worked on the weekends! Even then, we are so madly in love with each other and we really need to see each other more often than once or twice a month! There have been ups and downs like every relationship but the ups easily outweigh the downs... this long distance relationship has been going on for nearly a year and it is simply too hard for us.

So I decided to make an executive decision, for myself and for her.. I have resigned from my current job (this is my last week! woohoo!!), packed my bags and will be moving to be with her in less than 2 weeks!!

We will then move overseas together for some more adventures and havent decided on what we will do when we get back, but we know that whatever we decide we will be together and that is what is most important.

She has changed my life, and moving is the least I could do to make this work.
I love her!!

Posted by: chuska piperka at August 6, 2007 4:58 PM

oh yes these comments are are very interesting.my ex husband and i had been married for 10 yrs we owned our own businesses and he flew overseas quite often. but me being a trustworthy soul didnt think anything of it.till 2 yrs ago when he came home from BALI AND TOLD ME HE WAS UN HAPPY WELL .the tears flowed and i asked him all kinds of questions but didnt get any answers.until that dreaded day when she rang me and said me bin him girlfriend for 8mths .so unfortunately he is with her now but in a long distance relationship so i know that theses things happen but im yet to find out if it will really work as he is a selfish man who doesnt like to spend money .so i wish them luck in getting her over here.if she does she'll take him for the ride of his life.

Posted by: dizblon at August 6, 2007 3:09 PM

Her: Louisiana, USA.

Me: Sydney, Australia.

Time Apart: 3 years.

Cost of being together:Around $30000 give or take and leaving family behind.

Together: 5 years and counting.

Can Long Distance Work? Yes.

Is the trouble it takes worth it in the end?
You bet!

If the english teacher doesn't like the way I type: Tuff.

I Love you, Renee.

Posted by: Poomunks at August 6, 2007 12:48 PM

We met in the US nearly 7 years ago whilst I was an exchange student. After finishing my exchange semester, I came home to Melbourne and we continued long distance for 4 years, seeing each other twice a year or so, but talking on the phone daily. I moved to the US two years ago through a work transfer and we moved in together. We've been together ever since and its better than ever. It doesn't work for everyone, but it worked for us. You have to be really independent, optimistic and be willing to compromise for it to work. You will never know unless you try.

Posted by: Olive at August 6, 2007 9:17 AM

I think I know that English teacher.
She warned me about my spelling before I took her out.
We met,and moved in for four days.My grammer got so bad she kicked me out and won't talk to me anymore.

Ok, the long distance thing, It seems to be a major problem with those who live in the city.
They expect everything to be just around the corner including their sex life.
Now, they may not want to see you every day,but that does not matter you have to be their on tap, which is probably in direct contrast to when they were married and their partner would never cum home!

For me, love is where you find it but I would draw the line if the distance was not more than a few hours (3) away and I could not stay for at least a few days.

Posted by: thefotografer at August 5, 2007 4:12 PM

I was born in Australia, my wife in Brazil. We met in a conference in Texas, USA. We talked for 5 days at the conference. We talked for two years in emails, letters, chats and phones calls. I paid for the airfare for her to come and stay with me for 3 months over Christmas. I was a (broke) student. I quit my job, and we lived poor over Christmas. We got married (I was still a student) a year later. Her family miss her a lot. We have been married for 8 years and are still very happy with a 1-year-old daughter.

Long distance relationships can and do work: as I said to my wife when we had just met "anything is possible."

Posted by: Steve at August 4, 2007 9:07 PM

He is in Chicago, I'm on the Central Coast of NSW. We met on a blog and argued for four days. Then we took our argument out of the blog room and into emails.

1800 emails and five months later, we met. In Paris. In the springtime. As you do.

In two months time, he will be moving here, and together we intend to spend the rest of our lives together. It's not easy, but you learn the fundamentals of any relationship this way: flexibility, initiative, redefining your boundaries, learning to be trusting and discerning - it's all good.

He's giving up his friends his family, his life, his neighbourhood and he can't wait. Boxes of his books have already been sent and now sit on the bookshelves here. It's not easy, and first and foremost it relies on communication and a willingness to confront all your fears. But like anything else, it's worth it in the end. Oh and for the record, he's 50, I'm 45. We are in love for what we hope will be the rest of our lives.

If in doubt, go for it. Pushing past your preconceived ideas about someone just might take you to Paris and beyond.

Posted by: SMR at August 4, 2007 9:49 AM

I'm half-French half-American. All my family is in France and the US. However, one year I went to live in Hong Kong, and there met this Japanese girl doing one year exchange studies there (yeah would you ever think I would do the normal thing and meet a HK girl?), less than one and a half month before being slated to leave Hong Kong and go back to France (and she to Japan, incidentally).
We lived 10 000 km apart for one year, communicating through the very handy (but excruciatingly frustrating) Skype, and seeing each other twice in summer, once in winter for Christmas (during which period I met her family - a very traditional one).

Being sick of all the distance, this April I just decided to find a job in Tokyo, which I swiftly did (fortunately I have one of the highest-rated degrees in France, and it was easy to find a high-quality job in Tokyo).

We still live some 300 km apart, since she lives in Nagoya. But we can see each other every other week-end or so, which is good enough for me.

We're slated to marry sometime in summer next year.

Long distance love possible? Yeah, definitely so.
Easy? Hell no!
Worth it? Hell yeah!

Cheers to all,

Yannick

Posted by: Yannick at August 3, 2007 9:41 AM

Hi Pushkina........thanks for sharing your story with me. I guess it was with everyone but it felt like it was for me :)

Congratulations. I do believe when we take a leap of faith that amazing things can and do happen. Your story, marriage and now child are evidence of that and more.

Sometimes I wonder what it is that makes some people so compelling for us and those that should be compelling eg "fit the ideal" aren't. It's that indefinable and much talked about connection. I'm glad you followed your heart.

I did too - it just led to a different outcome :)

Recently my son asked me to go with him to see the re-formed Crowded House in concert later this year. Is that synchronicity or what? If they perform World Where You Live - I'll be a goner :)

I find the layers, commonalities and shared experiences that weave in and out of each of our lives fascinating...........and comforting.

Hi also Junebaby57.........ahhh movies I love them as well. My friend brought over some dvd's with him as gifts when he came to visit. One of them was Serendipity. A movie which is unmistakably romantic fluff and lots of fun because of that. His parents met while skating in Central Park NY, well his mother fell and his dad went to her assistance - the rest as they say is history. Curiously she was on holiday from Europe with her mother...........she stayed and so did her mum. So long distance love was a theme in his own life. Whenever I want to have a good cry and a laugh I watch it. Perhaps its time for a replay :)

Goodnight one and all.

Regards, Kalliope.

Posted by: kalliope at August 1, 2007 11:49 PM

I definately think long distance love affairs can work... speaking from experience :o)
I went for a holiday to New Zealand, not really expecting anything in particular to happen.... just have fun seeing the sights and come home again. Well, after being there 2 week, I got a bit lost and didn't know the way back to my YHA accommodation, so I walked up to this really great looking bloke leaning against a shop doorframe and asked him if he knew the way... well we hit it off right away, he spent the next week showing me the sights around Auckland and other places out of the city, then I had to fly home for a family medical emergency.. but before I left, he placed a Coke can
ring on my finger and asked me to marry him... Of course I said YES... then flew home to Australia... We wrote to each other everyday until he came over 3-4 months later and we did indeed get married 6 months to the day of meeting and have been together, happily married for 28years now.
We knew from that first meeting, that we had what it took to last the distance... however long that time exists for us.
Still going strong even after 7 kids as well :o)
All the best to you all who are in the long-distance situation.
Turyza

Posted by: at August 1, 2007 8:27 PM

I am in a long distance relationship, of 8 months. We met in Second Life and use skype to keep ourselves together, we are literally counting down the days now till we will be together, and I promise you I wont ever leave him.

Posted by: at August 1, 2007 5:06 PM

Lots of interesting comments, I am a Perth guy living in Thailand for the past 6 years.

I for one had no intention of ever hooking up with someone again, however my 'significant other' here in Thailand is now a partner of 5 years (I wont marry again).

What I do worry about is as long as I work here I am ok, otherwise its out of the country you go (Foreigners cannot get permanent residency or citizenship here in Thailand). On the other hand the Australian govt wont let her into Australia because of the countries dubious reputation. Despite the fact she is well educated and speaks good english. So stuck between a rock and a hard place...What the future holds, only time will tell....

Posted by: at August 1, 2007 10:40 AM

HI Kalliope, just read your lovely story about your experince, and it made me cry as it is so sad and happy all at the same time...and yes I do cry at the movies to...and greys anatomy.

Your story is wonderful, and I really hope that the ending may change for you in the future...reality can be a real bummer sometimes. But I also have sons, and I would not leave them for the world!

Wishing you and all bloggers well in dating land tonite.

Posted by: junebaby57 at July 31, 2007 8:43 PM

Thanks for the advice, Malsie and woodnwine. You're probably right, woodnwine, I could keep in touch with these people as friends, but probably too much time has lapsed for me to make the contact again. And since they didn't bother to contact me either, then maybe it is all too difficult!! I used to hold a very strong opinion that even the best relationships have to be worked at, but by far the consensus amongst my friends is that if it's right it should just flow, requiring no effort at all. I might add that a very high percentage of these friends are also single!

Posted by: TishB at July 31, 2007 7:27 PM

kalliope,

i went through something similar: it was NYE in LA (where i was) and new year's day here (where HE was) 1996. he found a listing i had put on a jewish singles board, just to get my family off my back about dating again. after a week of emailing back and forth, he asked for my land address. hte next weekend, the gift of a boomerang arrived at my office.

at the time, i had just broken up from an INTENSE relationship, after a horrific marriage. i was solely responsible for the care of my dementia ravaged father and 24/7 care in the US costs a packet.

by mid-february, HE asked me to come over to sydney for a cup of coffee, for a first date.we made the resservations for me to come for a week, all i could spare from work. as preparation, i told my father that i was going away fo a little trip, but that i would be back.

ten days before the flight, while i was out shopping for my big trip, a message arrived at my house that i got that night. my father had died. that left just enough time for a funeral before my departure.

i came here for a week, but ended up staying for two. after i arrived, HE immediately began trying to persuade me to marry him and come to sydney to live. which i did several months later, but only after he came to the US for 6 weeks, where i made sure that he emt all my friends to make sure that he was OK.

that was in 1996: we celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary and our 11th as a couple this past march. after a lifetime of infertility, i am the mother of a miraculous little girl and the wife of a man who is many things, all of them good.

most of my relationships have been long distance: the first, was US to iran; it was a wonderful thing too but the revolution intervened.

i could have stayed in the "world where i lived"; indeed, i call home everyday to talk to my friends, my extended family. but i thought i deserved a chance at something new, honestly believing that it wouldn't work and it would end up just as a great adventure. if my father hadn't died when he did, that is all it could have been.

Posted by: pushkina at July 31, 2007 1:46 PM

I don't think its such a bad thing. I was in a relationship with someone who lived two suburbs away, and I didn't have as much connection with him as I do someone who lives on the other side of the world! We did meet in person, and have travelled to meet each other half way for a holiday..I think we are both considering where we are going to in the next phase and both considering the other persons country for residence. Its a time thing, not making it intense by rushing or being too involved with the expectations ppl seem to draw on each other. I see other people as dates, but none come even close to the connection that I have with this other person, (A few physical relationships in between never hurt!)
But now we are going along with the way things are until it comes to a natural time where we move a step closer…once we are ‘exclusive’ I’ll stop seeing others, but we are adults.
I have had a girlfriend who had a very intense three days with someone she met in spain- him from the U.S and her from Australia it got unbearable for them to be apart so she went over to N.Y for Christmas and new years, three months afterwards they are no longer together because their relationship became so intense crying on the phone everyday and expectations that it was his turn to arrive at her doorstep...it chocked the happiness to of it...and that's why ppl want a relationship in the first place isn't it? For happiness? So do it for as long as it feels right..bI would rather have someone i am really fond of and visa versa living miles away than being with someone because they have the right Geographic’s.
Someone said above its all about patience. I totally agree with this. And its also about independence and being with someone who compliments you, not to ‘complete’ you, cause you’ll never find it..its within you. Be strong, focused on your happiness, follow your gut feeling and just enjoy!

Posted by: norsvpforme at July 31, 2007 9:08 AM

I just met a lovely lady on the weekend, through RSVP, but the drive to meet her took 50 minutes and that was on Sunday afternoon without traffic. Apparently she lived another 10 minutes from where we met. To me that is really too far if you are going to be seeing eachother several times a week.n I know I am a bit slack when it comes to long distance love but I really do want to be able to drop in after dinner and say hi, how was your day?

Woodnwine

Posted by: woodnwine at July 30, 2007 8:11 AM

TishB

Maybe these are people you could just remain friends with. When my marriage ended a year ago I had no single friends, now at least I have a few I have met through RSVP. Sound to me these are people you have things in common with but are not overly attracted to physically - perfect friendship material.

Woodnwine

Posted by: woodnwine at July 29, 2007 4:48 PM

TishB, I relate to what you were saying, and have often pondered that same thing - if I feel "I can't be bothered", should I "make" myself be bothered somehow? Decided the answer was "no" (for me anyway); it's me telling myself something and I listen to it. When I am "bothered" I know it all right and leap into action without debates in my head!

Posted by: Malsie at July 27, 2007 10:18 PM

Great idea, woodnwine. I could really do with some advice, especially from people who have it all together. Oh....ok, I could really do with some advice from people who are in the same situation as I.
My first question is, how do you know when to pursue the contact, and when to call it quits. I have a trail of people (not a very long trail, I admit) who are just drifting off into the sunset, never to be seen or heard of again. I see them going, and I think that MAYBE if I made the effort, the spark may happen (or not) or we may actually find something in common (or not), if we search hard enough, but then I CAN'T BE BOTHERED!!! That's so sad, and I kick myself for feeling that way, but if they (the other half of the non-existent relationship) are feeling the same way, then boom.....it's all over,Rover. Any suggestions? Psychology's too expensive, so don't go there.

Posted by: TishB at July 26, 2007 8:48 PM

Hi Riversong1

WOW, I agree again. Actually I think you would find that we agree on many things. I have seen your profile (thanks) and you seem very nice. The reason we have butted heads a few times is that (with respect) I think you could be a bit more flexible at times with your approach because as you so rightly said "we only have one life, and it goes so fast..."

As I so often like to say to people ..... chill.

Hey, I had an idea for a new blog last night. As there are so many men and women on these blogs and we are all (supposedly) on here for the same reason, why don't we use each other for advice and opinions on how to better deal with the opposite sex? What does everyone think? If we keep it positive it might be useful.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 26, 2007 8:29 AM

i met a lady on chat line we used to have phone sex we would chat everyday on line i even wantede to marry her and then i was about to go over to usa to meet her and she said she had met someone else

Posted by: wayne54 at July 22, 2007 10:46 AM

MaritzaDe.

I learnt the hard way to navigate my way through relationships...
I think the more we connect with our bodies & feelings IN our bodies the clearer our path becomes in murky waters.
And to some it may sound like new age bullshit or straight from a self help manual ad nauseum..... I don't give a rats.

Posted by: Trumanscat at July 21, 2007 7:48 PM

In a word "Don't". Or if you are determined to try, wait and see how much work he's willing to put into it before committing to it yourself. I've tried twice and both times were disastrous. In one case he was running app. 6 women all at once and due to a particular kind of relationship dysfunction (I'll let you guess the possible ones) preferred to talk on the telephone than be with you. Thankfully I twigged after a couple of months and got out of there.
In the second case it took a year of slowly realising he wasn't really "that into me" at all. To my surprise I've found that men can just stay involved with you for a while without actually putting committment into it at all.
Until you start demanding authentic emotional connection that is....

Posted by: Aethyra at July 21, 2007 1:21 PM

Sometimes we go out to see the world
We even get to visit elaborate spacecrafts
Capable of transporting us so far from home
But what we really want is right here on Earth //

Sometimes we plan our vacation a certain way
And a hurricane makes us take the highway
Making us a bit unsure about where to head
We then must simply keep moving ahead //

Sometimes our mobiles unexpectedly ring
And that very tiny fraction of a chance moment
Has the amazing capability of completely altering
The most important experiences of our existence //

Sometimes we glimpse at a person who seems to be
The materialization of our most idyllic dreams
And as much as we try so hard to look away
Butterflies in our stomachs find their own way //

Sometimes we can�t avoid feeling electrifying sparks
At every single moment our stubborn and timid stares
Accidentally keep encountering each other in mid-air
There are so many people on this exquisite Earth
And yet some of us just don't know how to flirt //

Sometimes we put up our unyielding protective shield
To keep ourselves from getting hurt once again
Hoping that one day our wounds will finally heal
As we keep walking alone on our own empty field //

That is how in one of those most incredible episodes,
Which seemed to have been precisely crafted by a kind deity
We fortuitously came across and I foolishly let you slip away
I know that over six hundred days have already gone by
And I still remember so well that flawlessly bright Friday //

I tried to believe that it was all just a huge coincidence
That it would vanish from my thoughts as soon as I returned home
But much to my surprise those memories won�t give me any rest
In vain I keep trying to say that maybe it was for the best //

But deep inside my heart longs for the chance of meeting you,
Of seeing your eyes again, glancing at your smile, and hearing your voice
A chance to be able to find out if you are just an illusion,
Maybe the product of my hopelessly romantic imagination,
Or actually the accomplishment of a far more intricate fate //

You are now back on the other side of this beautiful blue sphere
I am not sure if one day I will ever encounter you again
Nothing is impossible, who knows, maybe here, maybe �there�
For we have a slight idea of how vast the universe can be
And yet I accidentally (?) came upon you once //

Sometimes I do believe that there might be a blissful Force
That has put on this world some dynamic wingless angels
Who are willing to perform ultimate acts of altruism
For the simple pleasure of witnessing another possible happy ending //

Every time I see the shuttle taking off or flying around the Earth
Or watch the images of our gorgeous planet captured by its lenses
I imagine seeing you down there, a tiny dot in the midst of Australia
And all of a sudden the universe gains an aura of enchantment. //

To Mr. Aussie Tourist 2005, from Red Baseball Cap (Stubborn)
(who was next to you at the Kennedy Space Center on Oct/21/05.)

Posted by: Stubborn at July 21, 2007 1:10 PM

WOW Woodnwine!

Posted by: Riversong1 at July 21, 2007 12:06 AM

Kalliope, no regrets for beautiful memories of a brief moment in time, so long as they don't trap one into a space to be not available for the real possibilities closer to home.
We only have one life, and it goes so fast...
Kind regards,

Posted by: Riversong1 at July 21, 2007 12:04 AM

Hi Kalliope

Lovely story, I don't know how you go through something like. I must say I agree with Riversong1 100%. For me, a relationship needs to be close.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 20, 2007 11:44 AM

Hi SeraphSuzie and Riversong 1, thanks........I felt a bit nervous after my mini novel that the wrath of the blog gods would descend upon me :)

Well as the story says, I didnt go looking for love in the US - it was a mutual Quantum Leap Across the Pacific.........but sometimes surprising things come your way, when you least expect.

I have no desire either though to live a sort of vicarious life via email and phone calls. We did spend time together as well in each other's worlds, and most of our contact spoken rather than written.

In the end it was less about the distance apart and rather that I had this flashing reality that there is more to us than a relationship, no matter how compelling it may seem..........my life is rich with my sons, family, friendships, work etc and when someone is part of that world or not too "far away" then it seems to be possible to have it all - but can following one compensate for the loss of the other(s)? When the distance is so great as was our case - someone has to sacrifice all of that for the other.

Ahhhhhh, but did I make the right decision I've asked myself countless times :)

Kalliope

Posted by: Kalliope at July 20, 2007 12:24 AM

Yes, Kalliope, kindness is beautiful and it's lovely when special people cross our paths. They sound like some very special moments and continuing (pen) friendship.

Personally however, maybe I'm too simple, but I would still prefer a love of my life that I could see (and touch!) occasionally :)

Posted by: Riversong1 at July 17, 2007 11:56 PM

Wow Kalliope that was a very moving story and I loved every minute of it.. I have done the same agonising crying at the airport..seems a lifetime ago..I never saw him again. That really touched me when I read it. But I know that I would do it again in a heartbeat.. A few days or weeks of sharing a great love with someone is worth the pain. :-)

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at July 17, 2007 7:47 PM

thanks to geminikj, gypsy, weta,dlad54, and trumans cat for your comments. I have not had a chance to thank you all for your comments as i have been off air for a month. I really like your reasoning of the b..s.. detector trumanscat as it has moved into the ' i really need to work weekends/nights/public hols to be more financial but you will wait won't you' scenario. yes, visited him once but it was so odd the warnings are now on red allert. thank you for the things you all said it has really opened my eyes to the LDR and how it can be manipulated. but i know for every story like this there are others that really do work.

Posted by: MaritzaDe at July 16, 2007 5:36 PM

After last night's marathon first ever read of the RSVP over 40's blog I found myself today drawn back for another fix (perhaps I am a borderline addictive personality :) ............I do hope the self deprecating humour translates in print?

So, first of all I was disappointed to find that there were no new entries on the over 40's - curiousity led to me check out another blog on RSVP. Imagine my delight to find names that had become almost familiar to me last night, offering their mix of insights, caution, disappointments and optimism on this particular blog.

Clearly blogs are not immediately updated I am learning? There is no doubt a monitoring element, which had I investigated it all more fully last night I would have discovered.

Now that I have stumbled across this particular topic, well that did touch something quite significant for me.

I am amazed at the honesty and care shown and similarly amazed that I am about to reveal a LDR which I will never forget or regret.

The year after I left my former husband I met a man from the US. It was not on RSVP but a messenger type pen pal meeting place, for lack of a more savvy and sophisticated description. It was intense (at times still is). Its like we both fell into another place that neither of us had anticipated or went looking for. Did the long distance allow for it to have more magical, unreal, romantic and escapist elements? Perhaps, no probably that's a big tick all round. But it wouldnt have been the case if there wasnt a mutual and intense attraction on all levels. I've felt that but a handful of times in my life - the spiritual, emotional, intellectual........we could talk about anything for hours, shared a passion for music...........which led to hysterical sharing of rushing to cd players in the middle of the night, phone in hand - in opposite time zones, seasons and some might say at times cultures .

Van Morrison's Someone Like You can bring tears to my eyes in an instant.

He was searching for a soul mate - I was searching for myself at that stage, with less than a year of freedom after two decades of marriage.

But then I also thought well who knows when or how the timing actually works. I was allowing myself to step out of the usual inclination to be well-organised, considered, practical and embrace the impulsive, spontaneous and emotional.

Being more of a journey than destination person, probably made it possible as I decided not to crystal ball gaze and allow myself to be in the moment, to have the experience.

A few months later he came to Australia - I was late in picking him up from the airport ( If you have read my profile you will note its not uncommon, but never more than 15 minutes)..........so he was calm and I was rattled. But it was like meeting someone I knew almost better than anyone I have ever known. I have come to appreciate that phone calls and emails are on purpose contacts - they encourage us to distill our deepest thoughts and feelings, to translate ourselves to others in a way that the everyday familiarity and busy aspects of life doesnt always allow. After several months of waking up and going to sleep with each other, a phone cradled on the pillow, exchanges of photos, care packages, compiled cd's and life stories in various formats this was someone I knew inside out and he me.

We had two magical weeks here, travelling to the cliched tourist spots of Melbourne/Victoria. He lives in Florida so the windy Great Ocean Road thrilled and inspired him. Two months later I went to him and spent five weeks there including New Year's Eve where we shared hopes for a future. I got to have the tourist in return experience - Key West and Kennedy Space Centre, being particular favourites - he used his bike for when he had to go to work (they dont get much holiday time in the US :) ) and I travelled around in his car, becoming familiar with his world.

Then it all changed. My son had a mountain bike accident about six weeks before I left and had major surgery on his arm. He rang one night distressed, having been advised he may need a bone graft. I talked to him 15,000 klms away feeling dislocated. Two days later my dad had emergency surgery for an eneurism on the brain. That day I rang to bring my flight forward.

Ironically we drove to the airport with a Crowded House cd..........both of us having difficulty speaking, he held my hand and I choked back tears. We got to the airport and the distress was palpable for both of us. He told me when he rang when I arrived home, that as he got back in the car he turned the car on, but couldnt drive and listened and cried over the song............"World Where You Live".

I havent seen him since.

But my son stayed with him for several weeks, enroute from South America to Canada (coincidentally arriving along with Hurricane Frances - so he became stranded there for weeks, and when the power was cut off on numerous occasions my darling American friend rigged up a system with batteries so that he could send me one line messages to let me know they were okay).

Is he the love of my life? Yes, so far.

Is love enough? I'd love to think so, every part of me wants to say yes it is. But only if there are no pulls to keep you in the "World Where You Live". His mother had recently had open heart surgery, my dad has health issues, my son's are essential to my life. That doesnt even begin on my friends, work, sense of self which is connected to so much about "home", which we dont recognise until its no longer there or so inaccesible it may as well not be there.

It had always been discussed that he was to come here. He has no children. But the epiphany I had in January 2003 meant I could not ask of him what I knew I couldnt do myself. Can just one person become another person's whole life? No one person can become my whole life. I know myself well enough to recognise that as much as I loved him I could not only live my life for him. Maybe as a younger person, more able to embrace just my own view and needs that is possible. Or maybe if both of us didnt have parents going through major health issues, or maybe if I didnt have kids............so many maybe's. Maybe I will never know.

Do I regret meeting him. Never.

We continue to be incredibly special people in each other's lives and there is something comforting about knowing that someone on the whole other side of the world, thinks I'm wonderful and vice versa.

Would I ever do it again? Ahhhhhh, how long have you got?

Suddenly the words "I am relying on the kindness of strangers" are floating in my head..........so be kind :~)

Kalliope

Posted by: kalliope at July 14, 2007 3:24 PM

Through another agent I met a wonderful woman on the net, we became very good friends an while she lives in Canada the distance at first hasnt really been an issue for her as it has for me. As time goes by she constantly reminds me to be realistic an try not to get ahead of myself, i can feel the need an want on cam, that tells a different story, an when shes in a hurry or busy sometimes its her escape, an sometimes ive had to endure days of quite reflection . We both have agreed that what will be will be, I must say through its so hard to deal with the fact you have made a real ,honest connection with a person that has all the qualitys you are looking for in a partner an the only thing thats in the way is distance. Am I been dishonest by been on another site, not at all , in fact it was discussed an encouraged from word go, i dont know what the future holds, is it a good thing to discover an not hold, or put your life on hold for something that may never happen, an whats the common sense waiting period ? I guess thats why so far Im hesitant at returning any kisses ive received, an what, met another lovely woman an say O no shes just a friend, im so confused its, its like old fashioned mets the net . im not talking weeks here im talking months. long distant relationships are difficult an to do the right thing, sometimes i wonder what the hell i got involved in, I dont want to hurt nobody least of all myself!

Posted by: BLUEBYEU1 at July 13, 2007 12:51 AM

I have to say that the internet has made the world smaller however the real geographical distance can never shrink but I wish it would. I have been looking @ some of the profiles of the bloggers (hope you don't mind guys - my curious mind can't help itself) here and let me tell you there are some damn "hot on the inside" (this I have established from reading the profiles and blog entries) guys out there who also happen to be "human works of art" (this I have established by looking @ those who have public photos) the only problem is that NONE OF THEM live near me - boo hoo. Can't someone just move all the nice, available, aesthetically pleasing guys to Wagga :-) Keep up the good work with the interesting entries on the blogs - I find it all fascinating and interesting... Hope all is well with all...
Cheers WaggaCountryGirl

Posted by: WaggaCountryGirl at July 11, 2007 12:00 AM

Hmm. I responded to you yesterday, Woodnwine but my comment seems to have evaporated. Briefly, I suggested that you leave blank your ethnic/cultural background preference. That may deter overseas interest

Posted by: Ninaschen at July 10, 2007 4:25 PM

Woodnwine – after reading your post, I sent you a tongue-in-cheek kiss. Don't take offence! In response to your puzzlement over receiving kisses from interstate, sometimes the pool becomes a little shallow if people have been on RSVP for a while. I am not there yet but one day, maybe, there but for the grace of God…

Call me cynical but if you are receiving lots of kisses from overseas, it smacks of “hey big boy, I need a visa, can you help me?”. I suggest, where you specify the ‘ethnic/cultural background’ you just leave it blank. I have noticed that there are a few guys on RSVP who are very race-specific and they come across as looking for a mail-order-bride. I might be wrong and could be howled down! Just a thought!

Posted by: Ninaschen at July 9, 2007 9:41 PM

I'm just being curious here but I have received quite a lot of kisses from women interstate and overseas and don't really get it. Yes, I know at this precise moment you are all probably thinking I am dumb, but I really don't. In my profile I have tried to portray that I enjoy a close relationship including plenty of affection (not just the S word) and sharing. I don't see how such a relationship can be possible when people live so far apart.

Some of you obviously feel differently but hey, there are all kinds of relationships. This is my opinion and I welcome other people's.

PS Will just check my profile again. I'm often tempted to re-write it so maybe I should - any comments?

Posted by: woodnwine at July 9, 2007 10:59 AM

SeraphSuzie

I never said intimacy mean sex, that is your assumption. Intimacy is things like being with someone when they are sick, looking after their children, buying gifts for no reason, doing housework while they sleep in. Intimacy is getting down to the nitty gritty, and I agree you can be with someone for many years without really knowing them.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 7, 2007 9:39 PM

Woodnwine 'darling' you mean you need to bonk the person first before you know them, if that is what you mean by being intimate? Because you do know there are plenty of ways of being intimate with someone without having to ever lay a hand on them ... And how well do you ever really know anyone...hell I have heard of people been married for 30+ years and end up divorced not having 'known' the other person. Pretty lame reason if you ask me..
Nothing wrong with a bit of fantasy in a person's life either..all in good fun.

and woodnwine...don't knock it till you've tried it..

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at July 7, 2007 12:44 AM

I think long distance love affairs must surely fall under the heading of fantasy. To really be in love you must know the person intimitely and the mistake many of us make is to make the commitment before we really know the other person.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 6, 2007 10:10 PM

My ex partner and I who spent 5 years together, met on the internet, I was in Adelaide he was here in Sydney, in the year before I moved to Sydney we saw each other about 3 times. It was hard and I missed him, but it made us appreciate more the times we were together ... I would never not contemplate a long distance romance, as I have said before but for reasons beyond my control, such as my love for my children, and the circumstance I am in, I cannot relocate until they have left the nest... Love will find you no matter what part of the world you or he are in...it knows no boundaries.... :-)

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at July 5, 2007 9:39 PM

I thought 30 kilometres was long distance. Anything more than 45 mins driving is too far for me. If I want to be with someone I want to be close enough to jump in the car and be there without wasting too much time travelling. And how do you have those spontaneous, spur of the moment dates when you feel down and just want to be with the person you love.

Posted by: givemecloseeverytime at July 4, 2007 9:46 AM

Thank you patience for your comments. You are quite right. It did work for me even though it was for such a short time with this last guy.

I understand what you are saying and I couldn't agree more. It is exactly what I was trying to do, to get to know him and as he was just about to come home, I thought I would have a bit more time to ask all these important questions as to how long ago the relationship had ended, which in fact ended in 2002 (because I did find out).

Riversong1, I don't know the circumstances as I didn't have time. All we had was two weeks of ongoing online communication and very straight forward signs that he was keen (as I was) and on our first day and two days after was ok even though we just saw each other once. Two days after his ex shows up to pick up some stuff and drops the bomb.

Despite what the various opinions on this are (which are a few) I texted him thanking him and telling him that I thought he was a kind person -who he really is. He sent an email saying basically he didn't have intentions to hurt me or deceive me. Not sure how to take that but anyway, I suppose it's nice.

I left it to him to make contact after the dust settles but one thing is for certain, I am not expecting for that to happen and be second best. It's a shame we didn't have enough time to build things up more and again, I could be totally wrong as I don't have any details as how often they've been in contact or anything else.

Thank you both for your comments. Truly appreciate them. :) Love this blog thing!

Posted by: Cheerfulkitten at July 1, 2007 1:13 AM

woodnwine! where are you and where are the rest of the men like you? I can't believe that we are actually talking to someone who wants a physical presence (pjs, wet hair and dishes in the sink) not 20 texts and 11 phone calls that doesn't even allow you time to eat or shed the work day high heels and makeup!

Posted by: datelessdreamer at June 29, 2007 11:18 PM

Don't see how long distance love can work myself. I am not one to live in someone else's pocket but if I am in love with someone I want to be with them often. I want to be able to drop in after dinner or on the way home from work to see how their day has been. I want to be able to plan something at short notice. i don't want to have to drive for an hour every time we get together, I don't want meetings to become a chore.

Long distance friendships can be great as it is always nice to see a friendly face when you are travelling but long distance love is a different matter altogether. Maybe I am too intense but when I love someone I miss them when we are apart.

Posted by: woodnwine at June 29, 2007 11:29 AM

stillajiver.. question for you.. men are more visual than women, women are usually more kinestheticm I guess I'm getting down to practicalities, long distance dating is expensive. You can expend a lot of time and energy only to discover all is not as it seems.
As to dating, vertically challenged guys... at the risk of being howled down .. I have always like the saying " we're all the same height lying down" :)
I have dated guys shorter than me and still worn my heels, the issue is sometimes if the guy can handle a woman who towers over him. Yes my profile says my height or taller, but that is ideal, I won't and don't discount anyone if they don't meet one of my 'ideal' criteria. I date a person not a size, a wallet or a job.

Posted by: shybutperky at June 29, 2007 9:23 AM

Spot on hippychick06
Thought I would 1st-time blog since I just opened up my profile to Australia-wide about a week ago. Tried 'anywhere' but it seemd to default to 10 kms from me :)
Yes I would relocate for love - but I can (financially, workwise, dependants wise, and experience-wise having lived most parts of Australia and a few times overseas). Maybe not much chance even with the wider net because long distance (initially at least) is not for everyone. But 95% of women are not interested in vertically challenged guys, but I know she must be out there in that 5% somewhere!

Posted by: stillajiver at June 28, 2007 9:54 PM

Hhhhhmmmm Cheerfulkitten... painful lesson. Despite what he said, do you really know what his circumstances were/are?

I've had emails from guys "on holidays in Vietnam", "soon returning back from New York", "doing a job interstate"...

Sometimes I can't help but wonder: is this all for real, or is it a new code/excuse for some other type of "unavailable"?

The X factor - yes - there are a lot of people in here on the (unfinished) rebound!

Posted by: Riversong1 at June 27, 2007 10:17 PM

cheerful Kitten, it is not the online introduction that has been the problem.,,in actual fact that has been successful for you! The first one you married(even though you had doubts) and the second one was not really ready . One of the first things I try to find out is how long since the last (serious)relationship ended. If it is not a very long while ago then I don't get involved as the person will not be really ready, or as you found out the old relationship may not be really finished.
There is often a tendency for people to try to get into a new relationship quickly..this is mainly because they want their lives to return to comfortable and normal and routine. Reality is though that you can't just replace a person that easily, and some time should be taken to re evaluate the person you are and establish yourself as an indivdual again before looking for a new relationship.
It is a shame that you ended up disappointed.

Posted by: patience at June 27, 2007 5:55 PM

I met my ex-husband back in the early online days (1999), when the msn chatrooms were very popular and the host would be able to kick you out of the room if he/she didn't like you.

Reflecting after a great deal, I shouldn't have done it. We were just very wrong for each other and in a way I was very lucky to have every single massive flag waving at me and chose to ignore them.

Am I complaining? Not really. I learned a very, very harsh lesson.

Having said all that, the irony of all this is that I am still here, online trying to find someone close to 'suitable'. I have had quite a few experiences on RSVP and the latest one (that being a week and a half ago) was painful as I truly thought he could have been 'the one'.

We met after talking to each other for nearly three weeks while I waited for him to come back from England (where he's from) as he was visiting his family. Everything seemed so perfect that scared me and having had some kind of experience on this, it really felt so real.

We met nearly two weeks ago to spend a fantastic evening, we clicked, we had that x factor we are all looking for... after being in constant contact it so happens his ex girlfriend went to pick up some of her things and asked him she wanted to get back together.

Distance? Timing? Which one is it? In which category does that fit into?

How do you get over the fact that in one day, the whole distance came to an end just to put more distance due to 'unforseen' circumstances or confussion?

Posted by: Cheerfulkitten at June 26, 2007 10:54 PM

Well said hippychick06. I know of couples whose relationship thrive because they have periodic breaks from one another.
It really comes down to communicating, pioritising and compromising. Isn't that all part of a great relationship anyway ?
It won't work if the two of you are unable to do that together.

Posted by: HappyYetHopeful at June 26, 2007 8:21 PM

I fell for someone up in far north Qld who I met while on holidays (not through RSVP). I spent a lot of money to return again to visit. Had a nice time, but after several months of emails, they petered out (not surprisingly). (Agree TishB - cyberkiss not as good as a back rub!)

Unless you can afford lots of trips, or either one or the other are thinking of moving (yes it does happen occasionally), I think most long term relationships are just flashes in the pan. I prefer to keep my eyes open closer to home now.

Posted by: Riversong1 at June 24, 2007 7:54 PM

This has to be the most depressing blog I've checked out!

'Long distance relationships don't work', well lots of times neither do relationships with the next door neighbour! People saying the other person would have to be the one to relocate, seems a little (dare I say it) selfish to me...... If it really was the person that made you feel that you were the most special person on the face of the planet, who wouldn't be prepared to budge a little?

Being single for such a long time, I would have a really difficult time adjusting to living in somebody's back pocket. Wouldn't matter if it was across the world or the other side of town, because (to begin with at least) I would need to be able to spend time with them and time with me.

For all the people who really, truly believe a long distance relationship can't work, you better also add a few occupations to your no-go lists. Interstate drivers, defence, people working on oil rigs/mines etc, pilots, merchant seamen, wow, the list would go on and on!

You could be missing on your perfect partner, and that seems really sad.

Posted by: hippychick06 at June 24, 2007 5:11 PM

Blog #7, I think! See other topics for explanation.
Having recently moved to Aus from NZ, I was blown away when I received, out of the blue, an email from a man I lived with 30 years ago!! Yes, 30 kiddies, and I'm still breathing! Unfortunately, he's in NZ, I'm here and there's no way I'm moving back. Emails are fine, but it doesn't really cut the mustard when it comes to a good old back rub!

Posted by: TishB at June 23, 2007 8:11 PM

As i said earlier sometimes it works and sometimes it doesnt, but didnt think it would only last 3 weeks.............

Posted by: cookbrekkyfor2 at June 21, 2007 10:39 PM

Deception is found no matter where, like anything long distance only works if both parties are honest and open and both want the same things.
Me thinks not all men in uniform are not straight up (different blog I know) but here is my story.. and even for living through it I wouldn't rule out another LDR though do have to say no blinkers and a lot wiser. But again that happens with each date anyway .. doesn't it?

I had a LDR with a man in uniform posted to one of those not very nice places over on the other side of the world featuring often on the news. Not unlike meeting someone here it was all done via electronic media, emails, immediate messaging, webcams and mic's all wonderful for that long distance thing. Despite lots of deep and meaningfuls.. not much else to do but talk as you can't actually hold this person. When push came to shove the meeting on his return was not to be, and we had actually known each other prior to his departure although it was strictly a platonic casual friendship. I guess the ptsd thing could have been an issue but with all of those d & m's you would have thought he would have known me better and so known 'twas not an issue for me. This falls under another blog .. death by silence .. I didn't even get the nope changed my mind text.
I guess my moral is .. just as in real life be wary read the real signals and don't get washed up in the romance of the distance.
I don't disbelieve an interstate relationship could work, but I think it's hard pushed to have an international one continue.

MaritzeDe: I'm with everyone else here .. this is very much a buyer be ware situation .. keep your antenae well tuned

Posted by: shybutperky at June 20, 2007 2:00 PM

Of courses harder but nothing like as easy as putting on rose coloured glasses and attending that you all never do it again but I found painting very therapeutic

Posted by: errolcm at June 20, 2007 7:34 AM