RSVP Blog

Re seraphsuzie"s comments to jbach. ARE YOU SERIOUS SERAPHSUZIE???!!!

If you read jbach"s comments correctly,he said in the start of his comments "having a partner and financial security will not make you contented ". Other comments he made as well....

I looked at both your profiles. My belief is you need to grow up and get real. This poor person was only trying to tell the truth as it is. You tried to cut him down in flames with a very poor response,i believe.

I believe at 39 (I'm 41),yes that makes you less of a prospect for a relationship because you're renting. At around 40 both partners should have done the hard yards.i believe. Both partners should now be relaxing enjoying life to the max,through the foundation they haved tried to build/have built. I.e they wanted the best safer enjoyable future.I come from a large family with no divorces,and everyone owns their own home together. We are not greedy people either,by any means,and very down to earth.

Love is the only thing that matters,i agree. I believe that jbach is doing it for the right reasons because he sounds like a very caring,happy, genuine guy,and a great catch for someone.Please dont take that away from him Seraphsuzie because your life may not have been so fortunate. Please read his comments properly as his comments were to help a lot of other people also.

Posted by: foralifetimeonly at November 25, 2007 3:13 PM

I am only new to RSVP and thought I had met someone nice, but gee was I wrong! This 41 year old blond and blue eyed Brisbane guy claiming to be honest, genuine and down to earth with a great love of the beach is certainly everything but. After reading your blog I checked out the Top 100 and guess what sure enough he was right near the top. I have no doubt it's just a game playing ego trip for him nothing more. He's certainly nothing at all like his profile. So please beware ladies, he's quite manipulative and charming.

Posted by: beachbabe31 at November 24, 2007 4:42 PM

jbach are you serious?? I am 39 and still renting.. so that makes me less of a prospect for a relationship? I seriously cannot get over people who are so worried about money when it comes to meeting someone who you want to love and cherish for the rest of your life?

Love and money are not partners.. Love should be the only thing that matters.
What the hell is wrong with renting anyway? Why on earth would I want to spend all my money on a house, then have to fork out more and more money on rates, and then any repairs that need doing? Only to die and thats it?? I would prefer to save my money, see the world and have fun.

The benefits of Renting:
*
Lower share of income

Costs of home ownership-ranging from the down payment to monthly mortgage and maintenance expenses-take a large bite out of your household budget. Many people sacrifice their entire lifestyle by sinking half or more of their income into home ownership costs. If you can rent for 30 percent or less of your income, you may find yourself less stressed by doing so

*
Price depreciation

Prices of homes may fall in your neighbourhood. By renting, you will not be hurt by eroding real estate values. Once you think the local real estate market has "bottomed out," you can get a better deal if you choose to buy

*
Alternative investments

Money you save by renting can be invested in stocks and other securities, which may be appreciating at a faster rate than home values. If you are disciplined with such investing, you may be able to build up your personal net worth faster this way

*
Control of living expenses

You may be able to avoid a rental increase by moving or negotiating with your landlord in the event rents rise in your neighbourhood. On the other hand, with an adjustable-rate mortgage, there is no way to avoid higher monthly payments that come with higher interest rates

*
Relocation-friendly

If you anticipate relocating several times with your career, it may make more sense to rent. Unless your local real estate market is extremely active, you probably cannot expect enough appreciation in a year or two to compensate you for the significant transaction costs of buying and selling a home.

Posted by: seraphsuzie at November 18, 2007 2:40 PM

Dating on the internet is no different to dating in the real world. Know what you want out of life and go for it.

My philosophy to living life is: Always look on the bright side of life. You will achieve in life only what you are prepared to put into it. Having a partner and financial security will not make you happy and contented. Happiness comes from within, by having a positive mental attitude, pursuing your personal goals and a healthy balance between work and leisure activities. Living and enjoying a fulfilling life should be simple, an adventure, and without materialistic complications. Sharing life's adventures with a like minded partner is the gateway to bliss.

Be aware that not all people share your ideals in life. There is always a fox in a chook pen. Recognising the fox and eliminating it is a skill. You have to ask the right questions and be observant of the body language. Let’s start with the priorities of life. Income, food, clothing, and shelter. Unless you have a roof over your head and a decent feed, dating is a luxury. You have to determine very quickly if your potential partner is financially stable and willing to share dating expenses. Is that person renting or owns a home. Renting is fine in your early twenties. If you are in your thirties, you have to ask the hard questions, what is the person’s long term plans for living life. Over forty and still renting, either that person has squandered their income or a product of bad planning in a previous relationship.

Whatever you choose in life has to be a product of rational logic and not emotions. Sex is just relieving a biological itch. Love is just a by-product. The most important thing to consider in Australia is housing is expensive. Once your relationship has collapsed will you have enough collateral to start again? If not you will be stuck in a rent trap for the rest of your life.

Choose wisely and live a happy and prosperous life.

Posted by: jbach at November 18, 2007 2:29 PM

When I get a kiss from a man who says he likes the finer things in life, I take that with a huge grain of salt, especially after I check his profile and he has a mullet haircut, is wearing a singlet and lists trail bikes as an interest.

Just what type of woman are these men trying to attract with such bait?

Posted by: mendelssohn at November 17, 2007 7:05 PM

reply to "woodnwine", you said that htere are no codes in profiles, and that I am paranoid.
However onanother blog somewhere a lady blogger says that YES there are codes, and advises a particular woman NOT to use too many phrase like "fun loving" "open minded", "cuddles" , "leading me up the garden path "etc; , as this may give certain guys the idea that she is open to casual sex.!!

This lady also said , that she removed certain words from her OWN profile, as she was attracting sleazy guys!

See, this is the kind of good solid advice that iwas looking for, from someone with experience in writing a profile.

There are so MANY topics and blogs...(at the moment), that I can't tell you exactly where it is, it may even be further back on this very one.

Posted by: somelifeinmeyet at November 13, 2007 2:39 AM

Somelifeinmeyet: God, just chill will you? relax, breathe, count to 10, and enjoy this site for what it is......F U N !!!

I'm still laughing at the whole idea of playing monopoly.....

Posted by: jellybean70 at November 12, 2007 6:49 PM

In reply to "brilliantblue", I have said plenty of nice things to heaps of people on these blogs. Where were you when they were posted????

I feel that the best way to teach people (and children and pets too), is to lead by example.

Therefore, if I am making a point about something, I may usually give an example of what I did, (not to boast) but to show how it worked for me.)

You are misinterpreting my style of writing.!

Don't you think that my giving an example of what I ACTUALLY did, is more concrete than an "airy fairy" general advice or directions on how to do something?????

There is a saying.."love is an action not just a feeling"..... and I feel that" talk is cheap"...and it is better to show people ..what one has actaully DONE, and how it worked, rather than amble on about what people should and shouldn't do.!!

IE: alot of people waffle on about what should dand shouldn't be done to help the poor , and disadvantaged women and children in theory...but I actaully got out htere and DID something!

Same goes for health and recycling, I don't just TALK about it, but get out and DO it!

I have always been a person of action, not of waffle.

It is a shame, that you did not understand my style of writing when I am trying to give good advice to people.

Just giving vague lists of what to do,( rather than personal examples), to me sounds too much like finger pointing, and I don't think that people try the ideas then, just to be stubborn.

I think that you misinterpret alot of what I say, and no doubt do this with other people too.

Have you never met anyone before who you thought was a good role model who you wated to emulate, or did you think that they were all "skytes" ?????

Posted by: somelifeinmeyet at November 8, 2007 1:53 AM

Be careful of revealing personal details.

The following was posted in The First Phone Call by: chad1958 at November 4, 2007 9:16 PM -
>"how miserable is a man who complains about the cost of a phone call to his women"

is possibly, making a little more sense to me now...

After this character from Queensland emailed me direct (without a prior VK and my acceptance) to request my pic, then sending further emails (where I did give him access to my silhouette gallery pic only) and he declaring:

>"ive just met a women with brains and beauty great pics i think im in love"

and after me being gently humorous with my circumspection ("do you always work so fast?") and finally mentioning I made an exception in his case by accepting his contact because he's a blogger as normally, I will not engage with a pictureless profile (he said he was unable to post a pic)

and I also mentioned...
>"But I must admit, that I am a tad wary of any contact I receive from Queensland, as I hope you will understand.
I also, when approached by someone without a pic and particularly when from another state, will not engage in chat. I made a concession with yourself as you have blogged.

>But, I'm still cautious.

>And trying hard to stop a twitch developing, when I receive contacts from Queensland males.

>Just can't help the Aussi humour breaking out... :)"
--------------------

He then replied by talking about his dog Rocky and swore in his email to me (fellow bloggers would know my views on that) talked about being drunk, passing out on his couch and finished by an incorrect attribution to me with his statement/question
>"why dont you like qld men?"

My reply simply was:
>"As I said before: I'm a tad wary of people with no photos and making contact from the other side of Australia."

chad1958's reply was even more simple and quite abrupt....
less than two hours later, his profile was deleted. (Former member appearing in my inbox.)

Posted by: ornamentalonly at November 7, 2007 12:11 PM

I find that when you let someone know you are not interested but that you are flattered, that they seem to come back under another name.
Or if they keep replying and you have answered them already, then they get very sarcastic towards you about how they would have been so good for me etc. That reallys worries me when they do that. So in the end i have to 'Block' them.

Posted by: sexyforyou4ever at November 4, 2007 5:40 PM

Somelifeinmeyet....from reading over your last blogs, one would get the impression that you are very judgemental of others and are full of self praises for yourself.....what about concentrating on saying something nice to someone else instead of telling us how wonderful you are?
I don't know you, so cannot comment on what sort of person you are but by the same token you don't know any of us either so please don't assume anything because I believe you are way of base with most of your generalisations.

Posted by: brilliantblue at November 1, 2007 7:49 PM

I noticed on the home page a couple of days ago.. a quote from the management of R>S.V.P..." R.S.V.P. blogs are your chance to have a say on R.S.V.P., the services we offer, dating and single life in general".

See! the blogs are for discussing "dating and single life in general"!!

Anything that can help improve a single person's life and dating IS relevant!..(from the management's mouth!)

Posted by: somelifeinmeyet at November 1, 2007 3:53 PM

Ant topic related to being single, how it affects people, how to cope with it, and/or how to do things better and get a BETTER result IS onthe topic

As doctor Phil says to people who are unsuccessful in life and stubbornly refuse to make any changes to get a better result..."How's thatworking for you?????"

from.."Somelifeinmeyet"

Posted by: somelifeinmeyet at October 26, 2007 5:39 PM

this blog is really hard to find, why don't you put it on the main page with the others, ED? It's an important topic for the women on here

Posted by: mysticocean at October 19, 2007 2:25 PM

This attitude is completely unfair on those who are open and genuine people!
No wonder there are so many single people!

I always park the baggage at the door, trust until that trust is broken and above all am completely HONEST.

Sure sometimes there can be hurt but what about when it is genuine! You are cheatng the genuine experiences with this attitude.

Also I hate endless "chat" & Email I am here to contact an meet people not computers! Sure meet in a public place but trust people.

No wonder I am having so much trouble when this is the attitude!

Posted by: creativestuart at October 8, 2007 8:08 AM

I just tried reading all of somelifeinmeyet's recent blogs on here but really, who can be bothered? Sorry somelife as I am sure you mean well but you just go on and on about the same things. Who cares about Queen of the Blogs, or your keyboard or playing monolopy at first meetings (what a ridiculaous suggestion), or circumcision, or how funny your friends think you are or whatever or whatever. Please take a break and catch your breath.

Posted by: woodnwine at October 8, 2007 7:40 AM

somelifeinme - there are no codes for profiles. Stop being so paranoid (about everything).

Posted by: woodnwine at October 8, 2007 7:35 AM

Wow, we all seem to be succumbing to negativity don't we? I used to really push a positive outlook and then I also started getting sucked into the negative vibes that are all over these blogs so I took a break. Somelifeinmeyet - you are so suspicious of everyone and everything I suggest you take a break too - it did me the world of good.

Lighten up everyone.

Posted by: woodnwine at October 8, 2007 7:33 AM

I have met quite a few men who are nothing like their profile. They are shorter, fater, older, not employed, have "issues" or smokers, etc. When I ask them if the photo and profile is current?

Why can't people just be themselves? Wouldn't life be easy.

And on a Positive note. I did meet one guy and he was just as he was in his profile and while we're not each others ideal we have become great friends. And I am thankful that there are lovely guys who do just want to be friends. Makes this whole thing worthwhile.

Even if maybe I don't find a partner just to have widened my cirlcle of close friends by one.

Posted by: sunkissedqldr at October 8, 2007 6:01 AM

somelifeinmeyet needs learn how to spell "alcoholic" before she bags people and gets on her high horse. I have meet many people with addictions who had "the courage to change" and are now hard working, respected members of society. It is people like her, who place stima on others , that relly need to take a "long hard look in the mirror" !

Posted by: cliffy44 at October 8, 2007 12:55 AM

Hey Kaz..nothing wrong with be in your "comfort zone" - if it wasn't a safe and snug place to be it'd be labelled something totally different.

We all have bad experiences here and some have good ones too (and some of us are still waiting for those)...but I still stand firm to the "If it's too good to be true - it probably is" thing :)

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at October 7, 2007 10:50 PM

Too good to be true?...I don't think so. I've met some really nice guys on RSVP, and I've been treated well, mostly - it's no different to guys I meet socially.

Sometimes you meet someone you like but there's no "spark" so you become friends. One of my RSVP friendships has lasted 18 months now. I've supported him emotionally through a move to another city and through an operation that went badly wrong, and he's supported me as I adjust to a tough job. So it's not just a fair weather friendship. There's just so many people on here, so there are some really lovely men, and some awful ones too no doubt.

Golitelee is right, you just have to be careful and take things slowly. Pay attention to emails, to what they say on the phone and don't overlook anything against your better judgement. Meet sooner rather than later because you don't get body language on the phone, and that's 80% of communication.

I think if you are careful, and pick up on the married men and players early, before they get a chance to burn you, the "too good to be true" can turn out to be true. OK, I'll take off my rose-coloured glasses now...

Posted by: mysticocean at October 7, 2007 9:41 PM

I think the topic title "if its too good to be true it probably is" to be a bit negative to my personal way of thinking, and l have thought about this one along with you wishfulthinker2.

l guess it all depends on perception and expectation.

Having read the myriad of experiences from both females and males that are to the negative (and having had my own personal negative experience as well) leads me to beleive that maybe l am just plain fussy these days and am very set in my comfort zone. Bit deep for me that comment but there you go........k

Posted by: auntykaz at October 7, 2007 7:34 PM

Well said wishfulthinker03!!

Posted by: mushie6 at October 7, 2007 6:09 PM

Sorry if this comes out twice....seems to want me to log in many many times. Can't remember what I said, it was reasonably long and had something to do with bloggers using this to whinge and whine rather than actually address the topic...somelifeinmeyet...10 entries in a row (that has to be a record) and yet nothing to do with the blog topic, only a lot of unrelated garbage aimed at pointing the finger at other bloggers. Give up please...it's just horrible to read and this isn't the forum for it

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at October 7, 2007 5:32 PM

Whatever happened to blogs actually being related to the topic??? Somelifeinmeyet...10 (I think) entries, screeds of writing, yet nothin to do with the If it's too good to be true....topic. This is why some of us old timers stopped reading blogs - it became just a medium for whinging and whining about anything and everything.

I'm so over reading about someone being "Queen of the blogs", yet never ever saw that person lay claim to that title. What is it with you men, get off the woman's back and let her be.

If it seems too good to be true, his photo is handsome, he seems smart, loyal, witty, loving, not to mention sexy as all get out, then yes, there is a good chance his female friend wrote the profile (or his mum/sister) and he can't string a sentence together adn even if he could, then it'd be riddled with typos.

Call me shallow (it's certainly not the worst thing I've been called) but if a profile is loaded with typing errors, simple things like the wrong "to, too or two", "their or there" and my all time favourite "alot" instead of "a lot" it shows me that basic grammar and schooling hasn't been a priority so what else are they lacking??? Profiles are the first thing we see - it's your "selling" point, so if it doesn't read correctly or is full of errors, then yes guys (and girls) those window shoppers will walk right on past!

Now...for those of you who seem to spend copious hours typing up nasty, vindictive blogs relating to nothing other than their ego, can't you please find something better to do with your time?? Just a suggestion :)

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at October 7, 2007 5:31 PM

somelifeinmeyet... your a comedian right?? You have to tell me where you perform cause damn you make me laugh ... :-)

Posted by: seraphsuzie at October 7, 2007 5:25 PM

Cancel my previous blogs about Dani46

Read my profile.

You'll see the wacko jackos I go out with

OMG they'res no hiding place is there

Posted by: tequieroputa at October 7, 2007 4:50 PM

RSVP is no different to meeting someone at a club or bar.

You don't know what you're getting, so you need to be careful and take the time to figure it out.

Don't email someone for longer than a month at the most before meeting them, pay attention to email content, and meet up in a public place during the day for your first 'date'.

Not everyone is what they appear - and not everyone appears the way that they think they do!

Posted by: golitelee at October 3, 2007 5:03 PM

Luck of the draw people.. luck of the draw :)

Posted by: niceguy4uwa at October 2, 2007 2:34 AM

"Somelifinmeyet"...People who know me in person have often said to me.."you are too good to be true..no one can be that nice".......So I am not really suprised that "ninaschen" thinks that I am really "Playtrains' or something!

So I wish to say.."yes I really am that nice..yes I really am a real person..yes I do really grow organic vegetables and sing at kareoke..(and allthe other things on my profile.!!)

But some people think that nice people are weak. WRONG!! I am nice but very strong! I am firm in my standards and beliefs, and will not tolerate any @#*&^from anyone, (especially on this site.)

Some people assume that friendly, smiley, sociable people are doormats and believe in "anything goes" and have low moralty standards!(and will accept ANY kind of person or behaviour into their socail circle!)

Not me, I have very high standards.

Those who use, abuse, lie. sleep around etc; are NOT welcome into my life.

Just as "you are what you eat"..so it also goes...."birds of a feather flock together".

You can tell alot about a person by the company they keep,and you won't find any weirdos and freaks alcaholics, drug addict,and the immoral in my company.

I may feel sorry for people, but I have learnt the hard way , that they have to WANT to change....so if they change their lives around, I may reconsider..but in the meantime i say >>"KEEP AWAY FROM ME>""

I like a nice moral , quiet family life..and I wish to keep it that way.

I enjoy my life, because I have boundaries.

Those who would say this is judgemental, probably are the abusers,( or don't have any boundaries, because they are these "weak , dooramt/anything is okay with me types" who the abusers love to tread on an use over and over.(some times they are those weak doormat new age /christian types who think that they are being judgemnetal if they stop people from abusing them).

When the freaks realise that you have worked them out, and their "game is up" they can get very angry..(as many on the blogs have mentioned tirades in emails, phone calls , txts etc;)
So if a ceratin woman, who made up lies about what I said on my blog (to try and get people to vilify me on the boards..like what happened to poor "woodnwine"), calls me judgemental, I will just laugh, as she will be showing herself into the daylight as one of these awful people that I am warning you about.

I have no time for "primrary school minded/pathological lying trouble makers."

Perhaps she wants to believe that she is "Queen of the blogs", and I am a threat to her, because my writing is better and funnier than hers.??????(And more people check my profile than hers?)

How childish! I say to her..."get a life"!

"Let the buyer beware"

FRom .."Somelifeinmeyet"

Posted by: somelifeinmeyet at October 1, 2007 12:22 PM

From "BloggerGetReal" to "Somelifeinmeyet" LOL...
I have repeatedly noticed that when you comment on other peoples comments, you dont even READ them properly in the first place. So why bother? You look foolish enough already after all your circumcision posts.....LOL

By the way you still havent twigged that it is redundant to intro and sign off each post with your name....it is posted via a hyperlink regardless.....duh!

Posted by: bloggersgetreal at October 1, 2007 12:18 PM

From "somelifeinmeyet"..I was pleased to see, that a new blogger"dani" likes to play card and board games.

I am not into gambling..but kids card games and board games are great fun for me to play.

Suggestion:::....instead of dinner dates......why don't people sit in a park or something and play monopoly or something like that together for a few hours????????

They will get to talk for hours, and have fun too. (And it won't be so much like a job interview!)

(And much less pressure on the poor nervous woman wondering if the guy is going to oversetep the line , and try to get fresh, and then the woman will have to call an ubrupt end to the date!!!.....)

I feel that a "board game date" sounds much more relaxed. Don't you agree?????

From .."Somelifeinmeyet".

Posted by: somelifeinmeyet at October 1, 2007 11:52 AM

From "Somelifeinmeyet"...is the word "affectionate" in guys profiles a request for a sex mad woman?? ..also "tactile"???.There seems to be little codes, and I would like to be informed about them from those who know.

(Didn't "affectionate" and "tactile" used to mean a woman who likes to put her arm around her husbands shoulder, hold hands or give him a hug????....does "affectionate" now mean...."Will do oral sex" ..or something else?????)

I think it is a scarey world out there, with men talking in all these codes!!!!
Men should REALISE that not all women know these codes, or are using these codes in thier profiles!

(Maybe this is why some women are being distressed by being sexually propositioned on first dates, and writing about in in the blogs.????????Perhaps they said that they wanted an affectionate man..(not a cold typical Anglo/Saxon fish like their ex-..who likes to cuddle)...and instead men think "cuddle" means something else!!

Perhaps R.S.V.P. should start a new section..detailing that" old words and expressions have new meanings, on singlkes web sites".... and warning that if women put certain words in their profiles..that men will think other things!!!!

(Hopefully, I do not think that i have written anything in my profile that will cause a problem)

But you never know..perhaps "organic vegetables" and "free range eggs", and" cooking "and "gardening "could have taken on sinister meanings by now!!! LOL!!! (Which means "laugh out loud" for those who do not know).

What a world.things are changing for the worse!!

from.."Somelifeinmeyet'

Posted by: somelifeinmeyet at October 1, 2007 11:44 AM

From "Somelifeinmeyet"..i am still battling this naughty keyboard, typing and retyping again! it especially hates doing capital letters when i want it to, and loves holding down the caps lock when i didn't press it, and running off a whole sentence of capitals, which i then have to erase.!!!!

This keyboard has a special aversion to typing capital "i", so after numerous attempts at erasing and rewriting that don't work, i often think..."too bad, i give up!, i'll leave it there."

So please excuse any errors. i have a university education...but my KEYBOARD doesn'T!! LOL!!!!

From "Somelifeinmeyet"

Posted by: somelifeinmeyet at October 1, 2007 12:10 AM

From "Somelifeinmeyt"..To "woodnwine'..I agree with your comment "a lot of people want to change the world, but not themselves".

I am a ver big believer in people self-improving themselves throughout their lives, not just in school.
especialy after a divorce, courses in self-awareness, self-esteem, assertiveness, knowing themselves better, counselling, relaxation,treatment for anxiety disorders and/or depression...(and whatever else will help, that i may not have named).

Attatched to the R.S.V.p. site, I noticed an email series by a guy, about how guys think..explaining it to women!

I have been checking it out, and am very impressed by it, and find it spot on, and would reccomend that girls read it.

(It really makes you see why our ancestors dispensed with all the agony, and guesswork by the girls as to what a guy was REALLY htinking......, and just arranged marriages and said to the young guys "I'm your Dad..and you will COMMIT to this girl now or else!!"

LOL!!

from "Somelifeinmeyet"

Posted by: somelifeinmeyet at September 30, 2007 6:26 PM

From ."Somelifeinmeyet"..well it just shows that you are NEVER too old to learn somrthing new or be shocked, (or laugh because its so shocking) at some of the terrible things that have happened to the men and women on this blog!!!

(I don't think that I will tell my daughters, as they will be upset, and tell me.."Mum..get off that web site immediately..I warned you what it was like!")

this stuff about "Warren1941" sounds shocking1

I laughed when "hiddencharms' asked "Are you my ex-husband?" and that she hopes that it turns green and falls off! LOL!!!

On August 1st..."ornamentalonly' talks about "Happyguy" and what he could be doing with her photo now!!!....(Another reason I don't post a photo, which I actually mention in my profile!)

I laughed about "hiddencharms' comments about Viagra being needed, and microscopic genitals like breakfast sausages!...(that's why they call them "little boys!" LOL!!)

I'm laughing, but of course it all deadly serious!

(But I myself know the benefit of delivering something serious with humour! Some friends have said of my writing.."I was squirming and laughing at the SAME time reading what you wrote!!!LOL!!")

Hope you enjoy my various writings, and get the point as well. Thanks!

From "somelifeinmeyet"

Posted by: somelifeinmeyet at September 30, 2007 6:13 PM

From "Somelifeinmeyet" to "ornamentalonly" re your horible experience with that guy on here..he sounds a bit like a married lawyer that someonelse was warning people about on another blog!

I looked up the profile the lady said, and he was called something innocious like "gallantry" something or other.....and you would NEVER guess from his profile..nothing sleazy in it!

So, is it the same one? Maybe that's why he doesn't turn up, married, and probably juggling twenty different dating sites!!!

Maybe his penis will just DROP OFF from overuse???LOL!! Then we could all be grateful!! LOL!!!

From "Somelifeinmeyet"

Posted by: somelifeinmeyet at September 30, 2007 5:40 PM

From "Somelifeinmeyet"..to poor "Happygirl"..about her bad experience with the creep threatening to post things on the net of their intimate moments!!! What a rat!!!

Another reason girls to "Hold out" , and not invite any "cars to park in your garage" until you know them very , very, very well,( and have the engagement ring on the finger preferably...)...(well I'm very old fashioned!)

A funny thing/joke that was emailed to me recently....

"Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" (what guys think)......

(and what girls think)..."Why buy the whole pig, when all you want is a little sausage">>LOL!!!

(I shouldn't really laugh..as its not nice when people are used.....But I had never heard the pig one before..and thought it was rather witty!! (Sorry!)

From "Somelifeinmeyet"

Posted by: somelifeinmeyet at September 30, 2007 5:32 PM

From ."somelifeinmeyet"..Poor "getreal" complains that he met a sleazy woman who likes bi-sexual men!Quick! get the mouth wash! yuck!Run! Lucky you never kissed her before you found out!!! LUCKY YOU!!!.. to escape...AIDS/hepatitis A,B,C,/herpes/ chlamydia/thrush/warts..and anything else.

Yes there are some sleazy women as well as men!

(read my blog on my dislike of smokers for more info.You'll need mouthwash after just reading it, as it is very direct and to the point!!!)

As the Romans used to say (but in latin.).."Let the buyer beware"

From "Somelifeinmeyet"

Posted by: somelifeinmeyet at September 30, 2007 5:21 PM

From "Somelifeinmeyet"..I have some concerns about fake profiles. Mainly used by people who used to vilify people on the boards to now prank them and set up fake dates etc;

There is a new profile of what appears to be a retarded boy (by his photo and the things he says)...if he really is retarded then my apologies to him...but there has been some comments by others who think that he is someone who used to be mean on the blogs, (before they were cleaned up).

Another is a male blogger with a very harsh photo,(and I am wondering if he is one of the women bloggers posing as a man, so she can get away with all sorts of nasty comments.)????????????

Many bloggers have talked about people who they have talked to, setting up dates, and then the man/woman never turns up on the day!

Unfortunately, I would warn new profilers, that those people who may be jealous (when they see your great photo..or see that you are on the "Top 100". etc;).... and asTHEY have "primrary school minds")...may deliberately write to you under a false profile, as they are jealous as anything of you...and think that to pretend to be a guy/girl in love with you, and then dump you is a great thrill to them!

This is why I think some men also don't want to post their photo if they are good looking,(and women too)......as it encourages these loser pranksters!!!!

Also, if you have a the problem with someone at work/school/church/singles group/sports club/gym etc; who has always burned with envy of you (no wonder it is one of the SEVEN DEADLY SINS).....and wants to hurt you by writing to you under a fake profile., then be wary when answering kisses, or kissing toi profiles.!!!

Be aware, new profilers , if you fall into the top percentiles re looks/body/brains/personality etc; as there will always be those out to get you wherever you are. (its just that in the internet, as you can't see who they are, you are more vunerable!!)

Case in point...recently on "Today Tonight" a school girl was strung along on the internet for about 8 months, by a supposed boy that she was corresponding to. It turned out to just be a string of assorted school "mates" , who disliked her and wanted to play an evil prank on her.

When she finally found out what they had done to her, she was depressed and suicidal.!!!

It was on Tv as a warning to others, and a warning to all parents, to keep an eye on their kids on the internet. (Her parents were very distressed!!)

Forwarned is forarmed.!!

From "Somelifeinmeyet"

Posted by: somelifeinmeyet at September 30, 2007 5:11 PM

From "Somelifeinmeyet" to "genuinehonest1"..I was pleased to read your comments on romance! I'm glad not all men on this site are "players".I'm glad that you have restraint and want to get to know someone first.

From "Somelifeinmeyet'

Posted by: somelifeinmeyet at September 30, 2007 4:53 PM

From "Somelifeinmeyet"..maybe these male "Nigerian scammers" are the new 2007 eqivilent of the "mail order bride" LOL!!!

Well the mail order brides have had the whole field to themselves for too long anyway! Now they are letting someone else get a "piece of the action"!! LOL!

I personally know some people who fell for these women, and now they(the women) and their children have Australian citizenship, because of these silly men! (And their stories turned out very badly!)

But once they have their citizenship, the governement has NO power to cancel their citizenship, which I feel it should.!

They should have a special ten year Trial Citizenship for these kinds of marriages..to protect the men, and to protect us! (ie: any of her children committing criminal acts in Australia, should be deported back to their country of origin, to serve out their sentences in their own country..never to return!)

Why should the Australian taxpayer bear the bill for their incarceration, for stupid white men who mary women 40 years younger then themselves, and kid themselves that these women are actually in love with them!! LOL!!

"Let the buyer beware"

From "Somelifeinmeyet"

Posted by: somelifeinmeyet at September 30, 2007 4:50 PM

From"Somelifeinmeyet" re spelling..What if one has a naughty keyboard with a mind of its own?ie;..You press the "shift" button, but it doesn't come out as a capital?? You press the right letter, but it types the one next to it? LOL!!

Its just all done it now, AGAIN..just when i was typing this!! LOL!
(Perhaps i should chuck out my keyboard and get another one..but I am too soft hearted!...Thinking of the poor thing trying to decompose in landfill for decades...Boo hoo!)

it just made MORe errors yet again!

Ahhh... i am so sentimental..and such a recycler..i can't stand waste, eeven it its anaughty keyboard! LOL!!!

From :Somelifeinmeyet"

Posted by: somelifeinmeyet at September 30, 2007 4:39 PM

Hi after reading some of the things that some of you females/males have been through,it disgusts and deplores me how some people can call themselves human beings. I actually feel sorry for them,they need counselling. My animals are much greater beings than them.

Have my own story to tell.When i first joined this site,met a woman who said they had 1 child. Turned out she had 5 children to 3 different partners. Ok kind,caring loyal,understanding(fool)no problems.

I wanted to take things slow and after 3 months asked her if she wanted to go away to the Blue Mountains. A friend let us stay at their house as they were away. Went and got groceries and she get's a call from an ex. A child as they do are straight forward says to me that's (name i.e ex ex) not who lives with us(her ex)

Just goes to show take your time. I was lucky,unlike some of the peoples stories i've read on here. Could go on but i believe in water under the bridge/off a ducks back. It turns me off women with children,but that is not fair. Once bitten,twice shy,that's all.

Also what concerns me is that some guys/women want sex on the first date,comments. I say dont! Not for at least 3 months. Get to know the person. In this day and age,and the internet,i believe that's a wise thing to do.

There are a lot of people on this site who are wolves in sheeps clothing. Never lower you values, just ask heaps of questions,and take your time.

More importantly, whatever happened to romance? Dating,going out for a special dinner,having a picnic,buying flowers?

Then,and only then you could make love(Not Sex). Also i believe that you must like each other,and then can move forward.

genuinehonest1

Posted by: Genuinehonest1 at September 5, 2007 4:06 PM

Just reading this blog for the first time and interested in the African Scams, re Suzanner, Nicky and SeraphSusie. I was contacted by someone who was supposed to be on an oil rig in the North Sea. After a while of emailing and IM chatting he was coming home to Australia where he supposed to have a house in Brisbane.
He went via Nth Africa to visit an oil refinery, got mugged al his visas taken his drive shot and guess what, he want me to send money for the diver's hospital bill and his airfare. I conatacted RSVP his name has now been deleted( DANCING SAILOR, he was also supposed to be a widower) and also the fraud squad in Brisbane who were happy to have all the details for their files. If you look up Nigerian Internet dating scams there is a wealth of information about them. Please contact the police as they need all the information they can to deter these people and let RSVP know if you are suspicious. If it's seems to good to be true it probably is. No one is going to fall in love with you after a month of emailing and these people are expert professionals, don't fall for it.

Posted by: lalanie at September 2, 2007 5:54 PM

It is nice to hear all these ladies complain about the 3 monther. I would be happy if you ladies would just return my email after all the effort I go to writing you a nice introductory letter and spending money on the stamp. After all I did send the kiss first and you did follow up asking me to email you. It wasn't an off the cuff thing.

Posted by: cant remember at September 1, 2007 6:42 PM

Thanks ThoughtProvoking for your reply..however for me its not how the profile is presented, it's what it represents... the message behind it. If it's funny, interesting, I couldn't give two hoots if the person can't spell.. it will get my attention every time. And um people with dyslexia also have problems reading, so a dictionary is not always going to help them. What I think helps is a little more understanding by others that not everyone is able to read and write like a University professor and that does not make them any less intelligent! For as you probably know intelligence is not based on how many degree's or letters after your name. :-)

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at August 31, 2007 5:59 PM

Hi SeraphSuzie,
I hope I didn't imply that I yell or scream at what I feel would be an overuse of capitals. I'm saying that words in all caps represent yelling, if you LOVE football, then shout it out for sure. BUT IF YOU LIKE QUIET NIGHTS IN FRONT OF THE TV, using all caps might make it a little confusing. As covered elsewhere, we don't have alot of scope for nuance with straight text, that's why these conventions have come about.

In regard to spelling, grammar and all those associated things, I am well aware that some people have more difficulty than others (already in this post I have had to check my spelling more than once) and the reasons for that can be varied, dyslexia is the one you noted, so is english being a second, third etc. language, accessibilty of education is another reason. That is why I suggested having a dictionary nearby, alternatively, if like myself you find the little text box we have to post a comment small and awkward, type blogs/profiles in a word processor, run spell check and then copy/paste.You could then save a copy if an unfortunate event happens to your post/profile.
Finally, as for some people judging on words alone, I'm sure it was a general statement so I'd like to add to that by cautioning people that not only shouldn't we judge people by their words alone, but also not just by their picture and/or lack of one.Cheers,

Posted by: ThoughtProvoking at August 30, 2007 1:14 AM

Warning I dated a man off RSVP earlier this year high profile professional man, who I had developed real feelings for, but realised early on he was sleeping with other women. He then proceeded to send me nasty emails after the relationship ended, that he had taped our 'intimate' moments on his mobile phone ( without my knowledge or permission) and was intending to download it on the web. Be aware Sisters he's a journalist and is on and off this site and is unassuming doesnt look the type either. Pr--ck

Posted by: HappyGirl at August 29, 2007 7:42 PM

For those that yell and scream at people whose profiles are in caps.. or don't spell properly.. did you ever consider that perhaps they could be dyslexic? Just a thought.. seems we are quick to judge some based on words alone.

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at August 29, 2007 7:00 PM

Have just read the blogs above (well just the first half, too much to read in one sitting). I thought I'd post my 2c while I struggle to make RSVP save my profile properly. I have just recently re-entered the dating scene and the pitfalls I see now are only slightly different to what it was 5 years ago.
In regard to profiles, I limit my search to the things I am looking for, but even then... Headlines that imply desperation, 'Am Looking For' with any in all but two of the fields (usually age and height), women who love the gym, who love reading (if they can find the time) and like nothing better than curling up on the lounge to watch a DVD (if you love reading, there is your spare time).

If a person is genuinely interested in looking for a relationship (and check what sort of relationship they are looking for) they will spend the time to make their profile right. If someone writes in their profile 'I don't know what to say', expect when/if you meet them that they still will not know what to say. Finally (for the bit on profiles) please be aware that good etiquette still applies online. Punctuation should be used, ALL CAPS implies yelling, and correct spelling is not an option (use a dictionary, if you don't have one at home, google one). People will be much more impressed if they can read your post the way you intend.

In regard to dating, I think I will be advising anyone who I arrange to date (hopefull aren't I?) to put in place a phone contact after x amount of time, and then try to encourage them to make regular phone calls. Unfortunately in todays society there is a heightened awareness of all the things that could go wrong, I say unfortunately because I am still a dreamer of a perfect world. For guys, think about the things you would want your daughter (when/if you have one) to be thinking about. Gals, be aware that guys are too thinking about these things and how it can prevent him from acting in a natural manner for fear it may send the wrong message.
I'll leave it at that for now, I'm getting vertigo from standing on my soapbox too long.

Cheers,

P.s. My profile will be up eventually, going to try a different browser.

Posted by: ThoughtProvoking at August 26, 2007 5:55 PM

Fefa63, and all the other man bashers...its not only men on the adult sites, I've seen bucketloads of ladies from RSVP there too.

One of them recently sent me a kiss thru RSVP. From her profile elsewhere, I knew she was 4 years older than she claimed , fatter than she claimed, her sexual preferences include bisexual men, and she was incredibly arrogant and refusing to have anything to do with men unless they were at least 5 years younger than her. Of course her RSVP profile shows her to be a sweet girl. ha ha ha

Whenever you accuse men of sleazy behaviour, just make sure you remember there is always a parallel for the women.

Posted by: getReal at August 21, 2007 9:26 PM

Regarding Naiad18'ss comment about men who 'Just send out a lot of kisses and see what jumps out of the mix', boy, you should see it from the male side. RSVP seems to be chockers full of females who put up a glamout photo, send out bucketloads of kisses and see what the cat drags in. IT is clear that they dont read the profile, just go on the photo.

No intention fo buying stamps it is purely a fishing expedition.

I am sure its these type of women who just auto matically respond with "Looking fwd to your email", and when they get it, THEN read the profile properly,and decide they made a mistake.

Posted by: getReal at August 21, 2007 8:54 PM

hiddencharms at August 14, 2007 5:48 PM -thanks! Will keep an eye out.

Posted by: Ornamentalonly at August 18, 2007 1:44 AM

Re posting by: EarlWyoming at August 13, 2007 9:31 AM - very good point.

I just pulled the plug two nights ago after a third telephone conversation with a JP, who works high up in the medical industry (and comes from Italy not Sicily but I wouldn't be surprised, going by some of his comments, if he had mafia type connections).

It was not only that of course.

He also continually dismissed my replies to HIS continual questioning of my life, etc.
If someone can't accept another person's experiences after asking for them and needs to constantly deride another person's responses BEFORE meeting in person BESIDES being sexually suggestive; complain often, on the fact he didn't get my home number, only having my mobile number (which he said he couldn't work out from my txt) even though I would ring him on his landline after he texted he was available to chat.
That was besides failing to ring as previously arranged, a specific time for an afternoon coffee meet (supposedly he was over the limit from a business luncheon & was driven home by a friend) and then txting me after 8:30pm (when House was on!! & I didn't telephone until it was finished) what hope would there be for a normal, unthreatening start to a friendship/relationship?

Perhaps I should have accepted his continual first meeting offer of a meal at Observation City Hotel?? Along with his prying on what sort of underwear I would wear to this "first meeting" and his description of the luxury suite we would go to after the meal??

But I only promise to have a cuppa at a first meet and if someone can't make that and then doesn't bother apologizing (even after my tactful mention of enjoying the cup of tea with him later while chatting on the phone rather than in person,) I think there are some issues.

Combined with this particular person's association with criminals, politicians, magistrates, lawyers and judges (all sometimes having few differences) with his Justice of the Peace duties (and who knows what else?) - I think this one was definitely on the "Not to be trusted List".

Just like EarlWyoming says: "If the flags are up, pay attention. Do not attempt to cross the tracks when the lights are flashing in your face."

And yes Earl, I agree with you that it goes for the women too.

Posted by: Ornamentalonly at August 18, 2007 1:40 AM

Re posting by: geminikj at August 12, 2007 6:24 PM,

-okay I do take your point and I should have responded directly to "galahad" with no thanks/absolutely not/no way ever, but I (being that kind of female) didn't want to hurt his feelings and sent a separate VK back with the compliment of liking his sense of humour too. -I honestly didn't expect any reply back.

Besides, I didn't think I would measure up to his:

"seeking any woman between 18-120years"[would I be superceded by “any woman� younger, better looking or richer? Besides his specification of being "slim to average" –yeah, I am average size and shrinking but what is wrong with a little extra?]

or his,

"Would like to meet a winner(spiritual sense) with a zest for life, [I have chronic fatigue] a free spirit(like me) [I’m not like that at all]. A sort of beautiful genius [I'm no genius!!!] who is tolerant and focused(on me). Age is not a consideration..it IS a state of mind. [It sure is and some days I feel like someone in their 80’s!]"

Geminikj, I felt I simply didn’t measure up to what he wanted, right from his opening statement to most things later stated in his profile (both of which, I won't go into here).

This besides me being closer in age to his eldest child of 37 years (that normally wouldn’t bother me in isolation,) as well as being his travel partner (if he couldn’t afford to email, I certainly can’t afford to travel with him –I did mention he lives in an old up-market area and I don’t,) as well as his -

“Reading: Fine print, anectdotals, dictionary,historical novels,contracts, bank statement,� etc. etc.

So, I felt a nice reply was the return separate vk:

“I like your sense of humour�.

Apparently, subtleness didn’t work too well with this particular person.

But let’s face it; if he was still interested, HE would have emailed in, seeing as he was the first one to send a VK.

Perhaps he forgot he had Vked me in the first place, as he had already sent out multitudes of free Vk’s, hoping for instant emails in return?

But I do take your point geminik. Next time I will simply send a reply straight back saying “She is flattered, but does not wish to correspond any further and wishes you well in your search.�

All much simpler and straightforward.

Ornamental Only bows her head in acknowledgement to geminikj, cup of tea in hand (I just spent 1 1/2 hrs in the pool so I've only had one glass of wine tonight,) and gives geminikj a smile. : )

Posted by: ornamentalonly at August 18, 2007 12:26 AM

Earlwyoming. What a view?! There has been some paranoia going round these sites.... & yes it is valid to be cautious, anyone can follow a trail....
But I am sure a big man like you who likes to wear big hats & has a super fast car is safe...... actually.... I can guarantee it.

Posted by: TrumansCat at August 17, 2007 12:39 AM

To hiddencharms, re- credit card fraud.

The numbers on the back of the card are for security only, if you are asked for the number, usually the last three digits it proves that you have the card in your posession.
I would never give those numbers over the telephone, they are commonly asked for when doing a internet transaction on a secure site. If someone has those numbers it verifies that they have the card wether they do or not.

Posted by: hereforu2 at August 15, 2007 1:14 AM

To the ladies who have mentioned African scams: I just had to share this with some of the people who have been tested by some of the African scammers. The Today Show, this morning at about 7.00am (for anyone who would like to trace the information and who to speak to), had a segment on African internet scams. The good news is that many of the African scams are now being tracked and funds are being impounded. I know there are ladies who have been, or potentially been, out of pocket for travel expenses etc., so maybe there is now an avenue to pursue to try and retrieve funds...? The bad news is, that they are branching out into free lotto frauds, mail order goods frauds and mail order bride frauds - even adoption scams.

Back to my point: It seems that these people use internet dating sites (among others) to establish contacts and obtain email addresses. They then send these "Free Lotto" emails or "You are a Winner" emails and tell you that you have a win of say $10 000 waiting to be collected when you pay your $14.95 subscription fee via credit card number. However, they also ask for extra card verification information, like the numbers printed on the strip where you sign (mine has 7 - I checked). Apparently these numbers indicate in some way your credit limit. Somehow, instead of taking the small $15 you authorise through this Free Lotto system, they tap into whatever credit is available on your card! (I got one of these emails, a couple of months ago claiming that I'd one $300 000 and did not give out credit card details to something I had not personally entered). So, quite possibly could have been someone who had made an email contact.

From what was said on the Today Show, the players don't have to be "African", but crawl from under rocks from all over the world, and have tapped into this highly lucrative scheme. As others have pointed out, it is getting very close to home, when contacting Aussie RSVP bloggers.

Sorry I didn't grab the info on exactly who to contact, as I was putting a bomb under teenager to get out the door. Hope, however, if Channel 9 can help (perhaps the Today Show website?), that some of our lady bloggers can receive some advice and help. They were also calling for any and all information that can help nip this in the bud.

Posted by: hiddencharms at August 14, 2007 5:48 PM

well well well
i had met this guy on rsvp
but he turned out to be a an ....... {make it what u will}
he showed me his true colors when he didnt get sex
ok you boyto men whats going wrong why is that we try to be friends to you but you take it the wrong way . we dont always want sex a nice cuddle sometimes helps

Posted by: dizblon at August 13, 2007 1:41 PM

Dating Safely.

Who is paying attention?

There are males on this site who have connections to the criminal underworld. That is putting it politely. Some actually boast about it, brag is the word. So you think they are only skiting and hang around because it sounds exciting? How is your funeral policy? Up to date?

Then there are plenty with DVOs and AVOs. You are not entitled to a copy of their criminal history. Shame isn't it. How are you going to learn about it till the first heavy blow hits you hard in the jaw. How fast can you run, and are you one of those who suffer from embarrassment and will not pursue it in court. You do no favours to the police, or the community, if you let the offender off.

And now, something which everyone avoids.

Dating safety tips are oriented mostly towards women, on the assumption, statistically, that they are the most vulnerable. That is normally correct.

But if you are a male, do not rule out the potential for any female to cross the line. Women are quite capable of sinking a kitchen knife into you as you blissfully sleep on their bed. There are a few online with deep seated psychiatric issues. As a male, you will be overembued with self confidence and arrogance not to pay any attention to the warnings signs.
If the flags are up, pay attention. Do not attempt to cross the tracks when the lights are flashing in your face.

Most of this washes over everyone. C'est la vie

Posted by: EarlWyoming at August 13, 2007 9:31 AM

Insomnia kicks in so I started reading the blogs before work.

So glad I do not have any daughters, some of the stories here would give me nightmares.
I have read some great advice for people here and thought I would throw my thoughts into the ring.
No one should ever feel pressured at any time when on a date or when meeting someone, unless of course you are really late and did not call. 15 minutes I can handle but 45 minutes and hmmm. Tardy is untidy.
I would recommend

- Never meeting anywhere but a very public place until your absolutely comfortable

- Always telling a friend/family member where and who you are going out with and dates ph#.

- Getting a friend to call/message after 30 minutes to make sure all is ok, or even go to the ladies and message your friend all is ok.

- If you have a friend that is aware your dating have them accompany you with their partner or be at the venue you are going to. If someone is interested in getting to know you this really should not freak them out.

- Kiss>email>chat>call>meet is a great concept. Is a good way to avoid the non genuine ones and time wasters.

- Careful of those that want to meet in nearby towns. What are they scared someone might see them? I am sure there are some legitimate reasons but be careful anyway.

- Don�t rush it, if a gent is truly interested he can and will deal with it.

- If you find yourself in an uncomfortable position say hello to a staff member or strike up a conversation with someone in the area. Pushy people tend to back down when they find it is no longer their private party.

- If in doubt call it off.

Some things to ponder

- I do give my number out early in emails when I receive a message, I do NOT ask for or expect one in return. The reason I do this is because I felt it was a sign of being open. No hidden girlfriend or wife etc.

- Not all men who list looking for friends are looking for friends with benefits. Some of us actually do enjoy female company on a friendship basis.

Turned into more a lecture than I intended but just my thoughts all the same. Just previewed the post going to have to work out how to format these things so they dont appear as a wall of text.
Blog on folks some of these are great reading.
G

Posted by: WorkerOne at August 13, 2007 3:49 AM

oops think i may have inadvertently posted anonymously. (re the blog to ornamentalonly re confusion abt kisses). & thats withOUT a glass or 2 of anything. maybe thats my problem! LOL.

Posted by: geminikj at August 12, 2007 6:24 PM

ornamentalonly, im confused by your friday night red wine vent. (maybe cos i dont drink red, lol). not sure what was wrong with the guy who sent the kiss you discussed? why not just respond 2 his original kiss rather than confuse the issue by sending another? most people would expect the kisser is also the emailer. if i kissed someone then they kissed me back, i would take that to mean they wish to spend the stamp.

Posted by: at August 12, 2007 6:05 PM

Sorry to drag you all back to the Warren41 saga. There was actually a profile up. Well, someone making the same miserable offers. Silly people should not make contacts and hope you will not keep them in your history. Then they can be traced when they change their names and try to make new contact.

Posted by: at August 12, 2007 4:40 PM

Addendum to my "Friday night (10.8.7) vent aided by a glass or two of red":

.....But the real kicker is:

when I returned his VK (saying he liked my sense of humour,) with my separate VK ( saying I liked his sense of humour)
- he then sent a return VK awaiting my email!!

Posted by: OrnamentalOnly at August 11, 2007 10:43 AM

Friday night vent aided by a glass or two of red:

Okayyyyy�.some people have more hide than a rhino.
I was contacted/vked on 7 August by an older man (I generally have no problem with that) with 6 kids (his youngest 11yrs/my youngest 23 years) who lives in an old money area (I don't) and says he is a business owner in real estate (an ominous sign?).

His heading includes his desire for a "like minded female who likes holidays (with me)" [he wants to save money by getting the couples discount along with the "fringe benefits"?] who wants a slim/average woman between 18 and 120 years old (does not care how young/old the paying bimbo/desperate is?) at most one inch shorter than himself (an indicator of his inferiority feelings?) and also wants:
"to meet a winner(spiritual sense)..with a zest for life, a free spirit(like me). A sort of beautiful genius who is tolerant and focused(on me). Age is not a consideration..it IS a state of mind."

And he does not mind I am an old, worn out, bag of 45years?? Whoopy doo!

Posted by: OrnamentalOnly at August 10, 2007 9:13 PM

SO GUYS OUT THERE if you "SPEED" then us ladies do not think "Big" of you! Posted by: Celo at August 10, 2007 10:56 AM

Agreed especially since i get to clean up the mess after you get it wrong. Not a pleasant experience

Posted by: notmyrealname at August 10, 2007 7:22 PM

nrg4life - well said, too many people on here are quick to blame but are reluctant to take any responsibility for what happens to them, sometimes over and over again. This is worth a read people. Cheers.

Everyone wants to change the world but few people are prepared to change themselves.

Posted by: woodnwine at August 10, 2007 6:36 PM

This must be one the longest single handed thread! lol but was a enjoyable read. I must say a few of my experiences weren't quite merry.
Who hasn’t met a guy like this? I seem to end up with manchos who drives irresponsibly!
Just to prove themselves and their masculinity, he went through the red light and did burnouts right in between the intersection and thought it was funny!!
I was totally freaked!
Ironically the recent Pinkie /XXsmall condom Ad launched by theRTA truely depict this-Uncoolness;
SO GUYS OUT THERE if you "SPEED" then us ladies do not think "Big" of you!

Posted by: Celo at August 10, 2007 10:56 AM

Have a safe weekend everyone and hope if you have a meeting or date that it goes well.

Posted by: woodnwine at August 10, 2007 8:50 AM

I dont think the problem is just fake profiles but also people who use the site for an ego trip. There seems to be many profiles who are more intent on making the top one 100 then actually meeting anyone, and yet there profiles talks relationships. I have had many girls acknowledge my kiss and say look forward to hearing from me, and after sending an email I never here from them again.

Posted by: Dare2RiskiT at August 10, 2007 8:18 AM

"if it's too good to be true... it probably is!" - even the title bespeaks prejudice!!

It has been interesting to read some of the comments, ideas and suggestions in this forum. For the most part I can understand and appreciate at least a little of where the writers are coming from, and (sadly) where they might be going to.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it!) I disagree with/feel a bit sad about/even pity many of the "reactions" people (from females and males alike) have to the experiences they describe.

If I come away from a connection with somebody with negative feelings (anger, betrayed, victimised, cheated... the list could go on considerably), then I need to consider a number of points, such as:

What did I contribute to bringing that experience into my life? These things do not "just happen". Yes, I have to take some responsibility for what I attract in my life.

What am I going to learn from it? And that does not mean prejudge every subsequent experience based on the previous one. It is more about what can I learn about myself, so that I can move on to a higher level of experience. Even to learn how could I have touched that persons life in a different way to help them to see things differently? THAT takes a lot of energy, and I must confess I am not always up for that. So I choose otherwise. But that is my choice. Again, my responsibility!

How can I continue to move to where I want to be in this life? To be present so I can fully experience what is going on around me at any particular time, and not be dragging with me my own past, and lumping that on those around me. And to not be trying to push others inexorably into a future they do not want to have. And yet balance that with a gentle tug to help them to be the best they can be (in their eyes, not mine!) Again, THAT takes a lot of energy, and I must confess again I am not always up for that either. And again, I need to be responsible for what I do.

After all, you and I are human (I was going to say "only" human, but that is a "cop out"!)

I hope I have succeeded in making this non-sexist, since it applies to all of us regardless of gender.
Naive? Maybe!
Idealistic? Possibly!
Present? I hope so!
"At cause" , and not "at effect"? Even better still!
Helpful to you?! I hope so, but I am not counting on it! Ultimately that is up to you! Your responsibility! {;-D)
And do I know what I am talking about? Ask me tomorrow - hopefully I will have learned more by then!

Posted by: nrg4life at August 10, 2007 3:37 AM

Well I would like to say after many many kisses, like nearly 800 I met someone, all he ever did was text msg me. I cannot even remember his profile name, but his name was John and for a whole year thats all I knew, I did'nt know where he lived, never met any of his friends, would'nt take me out and called me the most disgusting names you call a woman, I finally had to change my mobile number and I have a new profile, now, I find it so hard now, and still have nightmares on what he did and called me.... I am so weary now!!

Posted by: blon1971 at August 10, 2007 12:31 AM

hiddencharms, Aug. 5
If anything turns green and drops off, I hope it is environmentally friendly.

Posted by: LivelyAndFunny at August 9, 2007 9:22 PM

Laughed with Jessy4 at August 2, 2007 10:16 PM, sicumrex at August 2, 2007 10:33 PM, LivelyAndFunny at August 3, 2007 12:00 AM and hiddencharms on August 5, 2007 8:55 PM, August 8, 2007 1:23 AM, particularly with some of hc's comments:

"the lethal dose of medication" needed, "magnifying glass" and "cocktail brekky snags".

My disclaimer (to any who may be offended/take my amusement personally at the medication/magnifying glass/cocktail brekky snags or any other comments,) I am showing my support for hc (and others) for the hurt she has sustained and the right for her to make comments from her own knowledge - nothing else.

I gave my own opinion on August 3, 2007 10:30 AM with:

"Oh, silly me for not realising!
This Warren1941 posting and profile is a real life demonstration and warning, on the dangers of dating."

-------------------------------------------------------------------
hiddencharms, I find your following opinion absolutely right!!

hiddencharms: "My point? It is only the ones who cannot prove themselves, that have to go out and find repeated avenues to try and prove themselves."

Posted by: OrnamentalOnly at August 9, 2007 10:59 AM

Chad58 and Woodnwine, I wouldn't put all men in the same category as a creature like Warren41. Women aren't that shallow that they don't know what class is and guess what? HE AIN'T GOT ANY. Creep he is.

Posted by: LivelyAndFunny at August 8, 2007 9:30 PM

hi hiddencharms do you think warren really existed did you peruse his profile i couldnt bring myself to do it but your recent comment was apt he is a loser and best forgotten

Posted by: chad1958 at August 8, 2007 8:04 PM

Ok. Been to bed and still awake. Have lots of other stuff keeping my mind hyperactive - more work and study related than sexual fantacies!

Chad58 and Woodnwine, you are absolutely right. It is people like this Warren moron who give you guys a bad name, which is not good in the world of dating.

Warren is the kind of guy who lives on the "buzz" and thrills he can get from schmoozing women...My bet is he has to put a lethal dose of medication into his system before you could take a magnifying glass to his pelvic region to find the thing that he finds so fascinating about himself. There has to be something that makes him want go prove himself and sleeze and slime himself onto women...what would that be? I bet it is smaller and less fulfilling than one of those little cocktail brekky snags we pick up from woolies! If he needs to go out and prove himself, then he is probably not proving himself at home. My ex husband blamed me. Thing was, and is, I prefer more than a 90 second wonder...My point? It is only the ones who cannot prove themselves, that have to go out and find repeated avenues to try and prove themselves.

Posted by: hiddencharms at August 8, 2007 1:23 AM

So Warren, as Arnie says "Hasta La Vista"

Posted by: auntykaz at August 7, 2007 11:23 PM

warren1941, women do not want to be charmed by married men! especially you, have you looked at your profile at all!!. I really feel sorry for your wife, that she is married to such a selfish, cruel oaf as your self. It is a small world, and the baddies always get caught out in the end. When that happens. I hope she takes you to the cleaners, and imagine her humilation when she finds out that so many people know what you have been up to!

I have been on the receiving end of a selfish husband when I was 29 weeks pregnant with our younger son...and I would never inflict that kind of pain and agony on another woman, ever. Any sane, thinking woman would agree with this 100%, so I don't what kind of women play with you behind your wife,s back. They are certainly not the type of person you could take home to introduce to your mum!(so to speak)

It is extremely sad that RSVP encourage this type of profile on an otherwise good dating website.Originally posted Friday morning, 2/8/2007. but never made it onto the blog so trying again...4/8/2007 no luck ...maybe 3rd time lucky!!!!!!7/8/2007

Posted by: junebaby57 at August 7, 2007 6:48 PM

Maybe this Warren41 fellow just wants to get in the Top 100 so he has written what he did so everyone will look at his profile and maybe lift his chances? I for one haven't looked at it and wouldn't want to.

Chad1958 - I actually think he improves our chances (so long as he doesn't put women off men completely) because compared to him we are like Prince Charming!

Posted by: woodnwine at August 7, 2007 9:54 AM

dont think warren1941 was legit, more of a sarcastic warning as to how easy it is to stooge people.

Posted by: geminikj at August 7, 2007 7:20 AM

Well warren if you are married then why are you wasting ppls time and money by being on this site.

Posted by: singlelady38 at August 6, 2007 11:01 PM

hi hiddencharms good comment made me laugh but if he is for real it makes it hard for us decent blokes re woodwines comment i am amazed a full grown male would post that crap on here for everybody to read

Posted by: chad1958 at August 6, 2007 7:42 PM

SeraphSuzie, so nice to see you back - I missed you and hope you'll post from time to time! When I read Nicky's story, I wondered if she was talking about your Italian "friend"... the similarities were striking.

Posted by: VictoriaDownunder at August 6, 2007 7:04 PM

Warren41, I too originally wrote what I thought was an apt description of your vulgarity, immorality, deceptive sleaziness and total lack of respect for your wife. The Blog Nazis must have way-laid it. Are you sure you are not my ex-husband? If not, I will tell you what I have told him:" I hope it turns green and drops off!"

Posted by: hiddencharms at August 5, 2007 8:55 PM

WARREN, you are only getting desperate women with very low self asteem to be one bit interested in you, you would never have my attention as i am extremly fussy (why I am single) wouldnt matter if you were Brad Pitt you wouldnt turn me on, I had the opertunity of starting a relationship with a man worth over 40 million but didnt like his attitude and that is more important to me, plus would never trust a man with that much money, supose I could have tried to rip him off but couldnt be bothered with all the crap that I would have had to go through.

Posted by: at August 5, 2007 12:21 PM

what, this guy actually has a profile???? EWWW. Didn't even waste my time looking for it.

Posted by: auntykaz at August 4, 2007 11:57 PM

Seems that warren1941 has taken his huge gut and equally huge attitude to parts unknown. Hopefully the wife has taken her revenge or the rsvp police realised he was just too obscene to tarnish their pages. Anyway I'm sure karma will deal with Warren appropriately.

Posted by: at August 4, 2007 10:22 PM

I have to be anonymous for this one.....
Warren41..is that the year you were born? If so, you're really old! Old is ok, old and sleazy isn't!Yuk! Besides which, were needs an apostrophe, it's separated, not seperated, your should be you're, wifes should be wife's ...not that I'm pedantic, but sleazy and dumb??????????????If you're baiting us, well done, if you're genuine, go bang it on the bath and I hope your wife walks out on you and leaves you suffering!

Posted by: at August 4, 2007 8:44 PM

Warren1941,

What a p***k you are. How sorry I feel for the women you are conning into believing that you really care for them. Have you never heard of karma?Your wife will eventually find out and when she does I hope she makes your life a misery. I sincerely hope one of the women you've been bedding of late does a Lorina Bobbit on you. You deserve it!!!!

Posted by: senee at August 4, 2007 7:09 PM

omg nicky the same guy contacted me on Lavalife... he would even call me!! And last I heard from him he was stuck in Africa becaus his bank wouldn't let him have his money ...he never actually asked me for any money though.. i just said how bad for him and that was it and have never heard from him again. He would send me emails too and said how he had fallen in love with me.. i just laughed and told him that i had no intention of moving to Italy.. he was going to come here on holiday and wanted to meet me. Peter was his name. But the stories almost match up he said he was a contractor for a building company.. showed me two pictures of himself and the houses he was building in Italy.. in Milano. It is probably the same guy. WOW that is so freaky.

I wasn't going to post on the blogs again but when i read your blog nicky I just had too..

Oh and by the way i met him via lavalife about a month or bit more ago!!

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at August 4, 2007 6:39 PM

Warren1941

The only thing I can say about your revolting attitude is it sure makes us other guys look pretty good.

Posted by: woodnwine at August 4, 2007 6:06 PM

I'm glad other people have picked up on what an appalling person warren1941 is. I wrote what I thought was a very apt reply to him but it seems the blog nazis thought it was more important to censor my blog than actually check up on what this poor excuse for a human has written in his blog and profile. Guess this will also be censored since it criticizes the CS. Precious lot.

Posted by: at August 4, 2007 5:18 PM

warren41 are you for real if so you are the biggest moron i have ever heard of. i wish i had your wifes ph no you wouldnt be on here much longer

Posted by: chad1958 at August 4, 2007 2:32 PM

There are alot of male preteders out there, oh yes and female ones desperater for lots of money so they can have thier nails done and bye lots of clothes to make their fat asses look smaller.....
how about this for a story, I was cantacted by a charming man from Italy on lavalife, he wrote a very long loving email leaving his msn for me, so we started our online relationship, I was not as loving as he was with me, i mean come on I cant fall in love with the key board and the one picture he had in his msn window, mind you I asked him several times to send me more pictures of him and he never did.
Our regurlar contact continued for months asking me about my son and now calling him his son also, offering to pay for the expensive bike that my son wanted and of course I said no.
He was a business man working in France and other countries for an Italian company promoting Italian building machinery.
For the last 2 weeks he has been in Ghanna Africa as he got a contract from the company he works for, but he is suddenly in financial trouble hasnt eaten for two days with worry as his bank in Italy wont send him any money and the rest of his money is stuck in the ship port?
Oh my worried heart as I was feeling bad for him as he was telling this over and over again, I said I cannot send you much money as I dont have it, he replied I only need $800 and he will pay me back with interest, I made my last reply with F_ _ _ off you African thief.....glad I have a brain to work out the pattern of his con. WAKE UP PEOPLE.

Posted by: nicky at August 4, 2007 9:33 AM

*Sigh* Another repost of my comment originally put up 2:47pm 2.8.7.

Re Post by: warren1941 at August 2, 2007 10:00 AM:

Oh, silly me for not realising!

This Warren1941 posting and profile is a real life demonstration and warning, on the dangers of dating.

Posted by: OrnamentalOnly at August 3, 2007 10:30 AM

Trying again!

Originally posted 2:41pm 2.8.7

Re Post by: warren1941 at August 2, 2007 10:00 AM,

that is exactly why I do not allow contact from married men.

Regarding your profile pic Warren, with your openly flaunted, huge bare belly and your promise to pay a partner; you appear to be sending up this whole site, including yourself and not just females.

Are your viewpoints and profile actually for real??

(This is a rhetorical question so please do not answer me, Warren!)

Posted by: OrnamentalOnly at August 3, 2007 10:22 AM

warren1941

GET A LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: LivelyAndFunny at August 3, 2007 12:00 AM

Gee warren1941 i'd like to meet you, never.

Posted by: sicumrex at August 2, 2007 10:33 PM

Warren1941:- I suppose cheating on your wife makes you feel more of a man. Better start tucking away some of that money you're bragging about having to spoil your unsuspecting conquests with because when your wife catches you out - and she will, You will barely have enough left for a bus fare.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!
What a shame your wife means so little to you that you would brag about what you are doing to her on a forum like this. I once knew a lying pr--k like you and he destroyed his family for his own pathetic pleasure. No one thinks your a hero, your a loser!

Posted by: Jessy4 at August 2, 2007 10:16 PM

cynical cynical cynical. Makes all women out to be stupid bimbo's who have no brain, are needy and will listen to any crap to hold on to a man. Offended??? Yes l am.

Posted by: auntykaz at August 2, 2007 9:33 PM

women just want to be charmed.I want to charm.yes I have a wife who works late to buy nice things for me and our home,but I tell you were seperated and you believe me because you want it that way.yes I have enough money to spoil you and make you feel wanted take you to concerts and tell you my sob story in return you give me love sex and home cooked meals and you believe your enlightened about having sex and a relationship behind my wifes back.good for you,please dont stop.

Posted by: warren1941 at August 2, 2007 10:00 AM

definitelyoverrsvpmen at July 29, 2007 9:08 PM, think your experiences echo what some of us may have gone/going through one way or another, on here.

And I believe you were right that it was sleaziness you were subjected to in the context it was used via email and before you had met. (For eg, who would go up to someone in the street, discuss different sexual positions without encouragement and then get abusive when their approach is not accepted??)

I think there are laws against accosting/sexually propositioning people in public; so why would some think they are exempt from civilised behaviour when it is via email/mail/telephone to an unmet person?

Posted by: OrnamentalOnly at August 1, 2007 1:19 PM

junebaby57 at July 30, 2007 1:31 PM, I definitely agree with you that we have to laugh at the horrible experiences. Keep going with your posts, we all keep learning from each other that way and hopefully, avoid some of the creeps, even if some of us others (I do not know about yourself) then get accused of being fussy!! You are lucky to have girlfriends you can laugh with over these website dates.

Before meeting someone for coffee, I always get their landline number (after all, you have to talk to them first) with the reasoning that it is gentlemen first when it comes to giving out phone numbers (and I only give my mobile number initially) and in the conversation try to find out where they work. I also check the whitepages but never thought to do it online.

But there are always the creeps that slip through. A contact initiated a chat onsite this morning and quickly started getting explicit in the sexual sense. After checking again that it was not my misunderstanding and he continued on in the same vein, a complete BLOCK from me was put in place.
I had previously refused his VK, as he stated in his profile all his interests were sports I cannot participate in. Only accepted his chat as I thought he was willing to overlook that aspect. Turned out he does not do any of those sports anyway. Maybe the only activity he participates in, is making contacts via RSVP (and goodness knows where else) and the bedroom?

Does this ' happyguy.. ' (who says he lives in Palmyra, is 45yrs without every being married or having kids, works away as a crane driver and does not use capitals) post his pic of himself in a boat that he takes to Rottnest, mean to represent himself as a floating floozy? (I cannot use a more appropriate or stronger terms in here, out of respect for others.)
Unfortunately, I had already given him access to my pic during the conversation. Who knows what he is going to do with it. Going by what he ended up saying this morning, it will be used to fuel his self-help sex, proving what he is in all areas.

Posted by: OrnamentalOnly at August 1, 2007 1:15 PM

I think this one got lost, so trying again! re deinitelyoverrsvpmen at July 29, 2007, and others who have shared thier expierences , there are a few men out there giving us girls bad experiences. I have to say males, as I am not dating women, so guys don't bite my head off!!

Recently I spent 2 weeks doing emails and phone calls with a guy that lives 2-3 hours away. (outside of my profile, but he made me laugh). We swapped photos and he was calling me 2-3 times a day. He was coming to my city last weekend to meet up and spend the day with me, until we get to the phone call before our meeting.He decided to tell me exactly what he wanted to do and he joked (I thought) that the meeting for coffee at lunchtime, then for dinner that night , constituted a 2nd date so therefore we could have sex!! it got very descriptive, g string, stiletto heels, did I wear false long nails, red lipstick, it was like something out of an 80s porn film. When I told him that I think we should actually meet and see if we liked each other or not, you know, see if we were comfortable and if there is a spark, before talking about sex, he said that I had led him on and he hung up!!!

I was a bit stumped as my profile states that I do not want a one night stand. But the chat provides a laugh now, I have told my girlfriends what he actually said and we all ended up nearly crying it was so funny. Having lots of bubbly helped. One of my male mates wants to take notes as he did not know that you could do some of the things that were suggested to me!

If I didn't laugh about it, I would have to take myself of the dating websites, then I wouldn't have the pleasures of the blog!!!

To stay safe, go with what you feel comfortable with, go with your gut feelings, always arrange to meet in public. Do what ever you need to do to be and stay safe!

Posted by: junebaby57 at August 1, 2007 7:26 AM

Daisy: sheeeee------t!!! I thought I had come acros some absolute charmers or losers or whatever else they have been referred to on this site! These guys take the cake. I'm afraid to say that I was about to say that I agreed with others who have said that internet dating is cheaper than using a brothel....

However, faith has been momentarily reformed, by a male who has said that I can set the pace, number of emails, time to think about calls, time to plan a meeting...actually choose our first "date"-coffee, ice-cream or dinner, not drinks which was a real boost. I actually made the first phone contact! A first for me! go dhelp him if he happens to be a professional personal salesman, or sex fiend, or worse...I've made it pretty clear what I can and will do to him...Blogs come in pretty handy for selling yourself as a B..witch!

Posted by: hiddencharms at August 1, 2007 12:16 AM

Oops!!! Just discovered my profile was hidden. Do not know how that came about.

Was wondering though, why there were no VKs for a couple of days.

Thought it was Karma paying me back, for refusing the recent contact of a 33 year old youngster.

So, feel free to READ my profile, rocco.

Posted by: OrnamentalOnly at July 31, 2007 4:47 PM

Deinitelyoverrsvpmen - so totally agree with you! Me too!

Posted by: Riversong1 at July 30, 2007 11:31 PM

re deinitelyoverrsvpmen at July 29, 2007, and others who have shared , there are a few men out there giving us girls bad experiences. I have to say males, as I am not dating women, so guys don't bite my head off!!

Recently I spent 2 weeks doing emails and phone calls with a guy that lives 2-3 hours away. (outside of my profile, but he made me laugh). We swapped photo's and he was calling me 2-3 times a day. He was coming to my city last weekend to meet up and spend the day with me, until we get to the phone call before our meeting. He decided to tell me exactly what he wanted and he joked (I thought) that the meeting for coffee at lunchtime, then for dinner that night , constituted a 2nd date so therefore we could have sex!! He got very descriptive, g string, stiletto heels, did I wear false long nails, red lipstick, it was like something out of an 80's porn film. When I told him that I think we should actually meet and see if we like each other or not, you know, see if we were comfortable and if there is a spark, before talking about sex, he said that I had led him on and he hung up!!!

I was a bit stumped as my profile states that I do not want a one night stand. But it provides a laugh now, I have told my girlfriends what he actually said and we all ended up nearly crying it was so funny. Having lots of bubbly helped. One of my male mates wants to take notes as he did not know that you could do some of the things that were suggested to me!

If I didn't laugh about it, I would have to take myself of the dating websites, then I wouldn't have the pleasures of the blog!!!

To stay safe, go with what you feel comfortable with, go with your gut feelings, always arrange to meet in public. Google the guys name, if he gives you his real one, sometimes amazing little gems may pop up, and check out the on line telephone directory to see if he is listed where he said he was. (A policeman friend gave me that tip).
Do what ever you need to do to be and stay safe!

Posted by: junebaby57 at July 30, 2007 1:31 PM

Was the following deleted as too long/boring to be posted and overlooked on the 28th by the blog police?

Anyway, testing the waters and here it is again.

Posted way back on June 26, 2007 9:29 PM by IceMelting, re your abuse. Yes, I had that 25 years ago with my late husband, a truly sophisticated abuser who isolated me from all family and friends. With my late husband I gradually asserted myself over the years and improved my situation. But that was probably also helped by the fact he was declining in health and did not want to inflict any more on me, while I was caring for him.
Although I have worked really hard to improve on vulnerabilities and not have my innate guilt/other normal traits used against myself, I do keep wondering how much am I contributing to this behavior?
Just this afternoon, I received an emotionally abusive email from the ex (yes, he has tracked me down) on this website. He bailed out on me at the end of March (after a 14 month relationship) when I was going through a very, very difficult time.
It was his choice.
But I then chose not to give into his subsequent reverse psychology of demanding I talk to him yet again and again, only to have him ignore what I was saying, again and again, no matter what I said! Nor did I respond to the emotional blackmail and the blame game etc he then decided to play.
Coincidentally, while he was going through pressures at work, he used HIS manufactured separation from me as an excuse for his difficulties and he actually told the boss/owner and manager I had left him! This he revealed later, when he wrote me a begging letter (besides all the txts). And so, he convicted himself further, not only by his own words but further written lies/contradictions.
The last vestiges of my respect for this person? Completely obliterated by his misuse of my professional standing (I had done contract work for the company he works in,) destroying any hopes left for basic respect.
How can a human being then expect to continue a relationship after proving this sort of untrustworthiness, disloyalty and lack of principles??? If a family dog savaged a vulnerable member of its family without justification, it would be put down.
Oh, I found out later (via my son who met a young co-worker of the ex,) that the ex was saying in the workplace that I left him for another man! (Maybe he was protecting himself at my expense, from his boss who on first meeting me, told the ex, never to let me go.) But just another excuse for his inexcusable behaviour. Nevertheless, such basic retaliations in this subtle form of abuse, is to reverse facts.
-As if I had time (or energy, or inclination) when working through nights, attending appointments with a politician and others, etc, as well as fending off his txts and other approaches, to even think about anything but survival!
No buzzer here (a previous posting of mine on other inappropriate contacts via RSVP) to the ex but an almighty hammer crash on the last nail to this particular coffin of lies!
(And that was before I found out recently, he was on this site at the same time he was still texting & begging me.)

Yes, I know this most recent experience of mine is nothing, absolutely nothing compared to what a lot of women and men have to go through each day (and perhaps with some, the nights -sleep deprivation being one of the torture methods).
But it has taken me months to get back to even looking at dating (only accepted two recent coffee meets and then it has been no from me both times).

Jaded? Perhaps, as I get so tired of wondering, as I said before, how much am I contributing to this behavior?

And, will I ever be able to trust enough to commit to anything but friendship and company on outings?

Is it any wonder, some of us are doomed to permanent cynicism and solitude?

Have to end up on something a little more positive. I like this post by Ronin (not my RSVP name) at July 10, 2007 9:04 PM
'Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.'

And really smiled at your comment shazza67 at July 11, 2007 9:34 PM " reading all these comments and realise I'm not the only one thinking I'm the only one. "

Posted by: OrneryOrnamental at July 30, 2007 1:37 AM

my latest contact replied to my kiss and email. Exchanged a couple of get to know you emails where he said he was separated but lived in a studio at the back of his house because he could share the care of his kids and save money. I thought that was fair enough although not ideal. Then nothing for over a week but I wasn't concerned about that. Then another email saying a past rsvp contact was in touch again and he wanted to see how it went but would like to stay in touch.
Left him to it but a week later got another email saying she had let him down yet again and with a plea to resume where we had left off. Tacked on the end of his email was a comment about how much he enjoyed sex in particular positions. He thought he was being tongue in cheek. I thought he was being sleazy since we didn't know each other. When I pointed it out I received an email tirade about how precious I was and he didn't have time to waste on me.
Why do men think that they have the right to represent themselves as being caring and sharing, wanting long term relationships when they so obviously are obsessed with sex and no other aspects of getting to know someone.
Contact no 2. Writing regularly to what seemed a lovely guy in Gippsland planning to meet half way for a coffee. Then I received a lengthy email from him addressed to and written for another woman who was also an rsvp contact. He had addressed it to me as well. Interesting way to tell someone you're no longer interested.

Posted by: deinitelyoverrsvpmen at July 29, 2007 9:08 PM

I have a good friend who has been on this dating site for some time and some of the stories of 'bunny boiling' women and other friends who have had obsessive men not taking no for an answer....I have to say that I haven't had a bad experience as yet. I truly believe people just don't qualify their potential dates enough,either don't ask the right questions or any questions at all that get beneath the surface.

In saying that you cannot beat that 'GUT FEEL' it never lets you down! So my tips for all you RSVPers are qualify qualify qualify and trust your instincts...oh before I sign off another little tip is 'actions speak louder then words' if you have been dating somebody for a few weeks, have they been true to their word? or do they leave you guessing and leave you with a feeling of uncertainty? if they do then GET RID OF THEM!

Posted by: superstarmum at July 29, 2007 5:27 PM

I have met a few lovely men. Not my type, but good men who respected me and treated me decently. Not the "charming" types but very down-to-earth people with good manners.
I mentioned to my sons one day that I was meeting a man for coffee. They asked where I had "met" this man. I replied from an internet dating site. They immediately became my minders and insisted they accompany me on my date. You can imagine my date's face when I turned up with my sons. My sons liked my date but they didn't hear the comment about me selling my home and moving in with him that week. That was a teensy weensy bit of a turn off. Needless to say I didn't go out with him again. I like to take my time to get to know someone and one date just wasn't long enough for me to change that much even though I "think" I am flexible.
Sorry so many people have had such bad experiences. Bit of advice. Take your family with you on all your dates especially sons who tower over your dates. LOL I do. LOL

Posted by: LivelyAndFunny at July 28, 2007 6:56 PM

Just beware, there are many out here who sell themselves as SNAGS, until you read a few emails or listen to them during phone calls, and you get to pick up on the real reasons that they remain single. Full of themselves. Full of past sex-based relationships that make them feel macho. Full of their children(who are the love of their lives and no-one will come before them) through whom they relive their own childhood. Full of their ex-partners and think that being ripped off means "i'm still dependent on you so I will suck th elife blood out of you while you still have a dose of the guilts" and those who think they can suppliment their pizzly little incomes and better the fold-out sofa in their mother's house by moving into your house with a queen-size bed, groceries in the cupboard and utilities paid - all by you.

Posted by: at July 28, 2007 3:28 AM

I was shocked by anonymous 23 July story - what a horrible experience for you. And you too, Daisy - wow, that too was incredible. I've been on RSVP on and off for a couple of years. I've had some very positive experiences and just can't relate to those horror stories. I really wish you both great things for the future - with love, Malsie.

Posted by: Malsie at July 27, 2007 9:53 PM

Hiddencharms - maybe endorphine hit!

Daisy and Dragonfly -eeeewww - yep, I've come across a few equivalents myself - scarey to think they're not so rare!

Posted by: Riversong1 at July 26, 2007 9:57 PM

Watchout ladies a big man with carlton est 18.. tattooed on his stomach is vermon. He will charm the pants off you, tell you lies and never take you to his place. He preys on vulneralble women and after he gets what he wants he turns nasty and thats the last you'll see of him. Dont be fooled by this charmer.

Posted by: dragonfly63 at July 26, 2007 2:31 PM

Daisy at July 25, 2007 11:49 PM, so very, very well said.

Especially, as confirmation to all us cautious ones.

Posted by: OrnamentalOnly at July 26, 2007 11:16 AM

Dear anonymous July 23

What a horror story!! It should make us all sit up and be aware as we can all be so vulnerable when it comes to affairs of the heart. Hearing something like that makes me somewhat ashamed to be a male; but have faith there are many decent people around as well - it's sometimes just hard to seperate the wood from the trees.

PS Make sure you get the film rights.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 26, 2007 8:18 AM

I realise i sounded like i have no faith in people in my earlier post but I will explain why I wont trust anyone on here anymore. OR maybe it is just i am no good at judging the good from the bad!

362 kisses in 6 months and I only have said yes to 15 to email me. The 3 that i then went on dates with ended up like this....

Man 1 - Talked online and on the phone for 2 months. The night before our 1st date he confessed it wasnt his photo, he had a different job, etc... All lies. I felt so foolish that i had shared so much about myself and let myself become close to someone that I hadnt met in person. He thought i should still at least meet him since we had become close and got on so well. No chance! he had made me feel so stupid and used.

Man 2 - Very charming and all good for 2 months. 1st night of intimacy he turned into a weirdo and took a bite of shoulder and didnt understand the word no. That is the closest i have been to being raped. I had to go to the docotrs and get tested for everything afterwards cause he came on me. All was clear but it scared the hell out me.

Man 3 - Turned up looking like he had obviously taken alot of steriods since his profile photo as he was now this huge muscle man that walked like he had 2 cans under his arms. He was very arrogant and sure of himself but i told myself just to see it through. About 1/2hr into the date he whispers in my ear that he couldnt wait to get me home and slide his 12" [edited]. He then tried to make some moves so i got out of there quick smart! He then called the next day to ask me over to his house for dinner???? I since have seen he has 2 other profiles on RSVP that are full of lies and one has fake photos and the other was him pre-muscleman.

All i can say is i thought i was being very fussy and careful on who i went out with. My friends all made fun of me rejecting so many but look at what i got with the 3 that i gave a chance - disrespect and lies.

Its a shame there isnt a section "Dont go near this one" where you can submit weirdos. But then again I'm sure they would just start a new profile!

Posted by: Daisy at July 25, 2007 11:49 PM

Never trust anyone 100% is the only rule to go by on here. Yes there are honest, genuine people here - but not until they prove it is how I play it now!

Posted by: Daisy at July 25, 2007 11:26 PM

Riversong1: I have heard, and experienced, the same stories over and over again. To the point where I am disgusted (see my post of mid July in Dating over 40). Thick skin (and winter woolies) and quick thinking or not, it becomes demoralising when these "charmers" hit you for a quickie before you've had your coffee or drink...even more of a kick in the butt when you find out that you are just one of many of his "conquests" (as others have discovered). Do they get their kicks from flaunting their sexual activity, adding another "dumb" one to their string of bed partners...or do they thrive on the thrill of having you turn red with rage and humiliation and walk away from their "imitation Billabong" shirts, cheap chains and Brut aftershave?

Posted by: hiddencharms at July 25, 2007 10:03 PM

Hiddencharms, I read in another post (can't remember which page) many people here ARE on those other sites as well. Perhaps they come here searching for fresh meat (someone new they HAVEN'T laid!).

I have met two of them. One was handsome, sexy, and fairly open about his lifestyle - not hard to figure. Disasterous date when I turned around to see how he was going getting our drinks, and saw him with his tongue down the throat of another girl at the bar!

The other was the complete opposite - profile looked so genuine, he wasn't that good looking, but seemed decent, professional, and said he was looking for "long term". Whoa! was he an eye-opener!!! I actually got him talking, and he admitted to 152 women he had slept with (and keeping count!) (that's in only 4 years since he left his wife!)

So they come in various guises, and no, may not be easily obvious!!!

Jessy4 - I think you are right - the extra stamps motivate people to "keep looking", even after they have found someone. You are right again - our instinct does a better job of smelling "sus" than our mind!

I'm sure there are probably cases the other way round as well - this isn't an "anti-man" post, just my own personal experience (since I haven't had any with girls!)

All I can say is - it pays to be wary and check people out before jumping in boots and all.

Posted by: Riversong1 at July 24, 2007 7:54 PM

HelenfromPerth (not rsvpname) at July 19, 2007 7:04 PM, nice points. I will look out for that book The Rules for Online Dating" by Fein and Schneider. Visited the do not date him girl website quite some time ago. You reminded me I must check again.

hikerbob at July 19, 2007 10:43 PM, very wise views on not acting destructively. Good to read also of some male questioning on reactions and perhaps differences in male interpretations of committment. Same with iamhomerclees (spelt right now. Oh the shame) at July 20, 2007 8:59 PM too.

July 21, 2007 4:22 PM Fluffy Slippers, what an awful time for you. Fortunately you got through it but as you ask, how are we to pick that? Has anyone here noticed some warning signs on the ones who continue to hide their cruel deceptions?

I admire your graciousness and honesty, Jessy4 at July 23, 2007 10:10 PM in removing your lovely (are you aware there is one pic showing?) profile when dating someone. However, there are exceptions to your decent behaviour. I personally knew one male here in Perth, a long timer on RSVP (with a responsible job) who removes his profile every time he goes out with someone. It happens with such monotonous regularity, it appears as if females on this site are something to be borrowed and used for a week or two or three or even, a month; then to be returned just like library books or goods to be ebayed! To be fair with these types and this particular man, maybe they keep on not measuring up to females?

Sympathies on the stalking situation. (Experienced it to court case stage but not for so long as you.) I find it ironic that some stalking seems to be a sign of the stalker not accepting responsibility for their own actions, while attempting to publicly transfer the blame onto the stalkee, if that makes any sense.

Aethyra at July 21, 2007 1:52 PM, very well put on the 3 month time period. It supports a lot of other opinions on here and one I am taking especial note of too!

Must go, life calls!

Posted by: Ornamental at July 24, 2007 10:04 AM

I'm saddened reading the many horror journeys others have made on the singles scene. I thought I was unique (or unlucky), now I feel normal. Sisters be aware.

I met what I thought was a dream man on RSVP in ~mid 2004. My friends called us the perfect couple. We were inseparable for ~2 years, he appeared to be a very carying man. We bought land together and were in the process of planning permits, our families had met, we went to each other's family functions. I sold my home and moved into his "rented" house in March 2006 while our plans were being drawn up to build. After ~4/6 weeks I started to feel NQR but wasn't sure what was wrong. You don't know a person until you live with them. HOW TRUE. I discovered that he was cheating on me. I came across copies of emails, letters, credit card statements, enormous telephone bills (which were hidden), thank you notes from women that were taken to dinner, etc etc. The many mystery mobile phone calls he got and sms message late at night was overwhelming. He always said it was the guys from work sending him jokes. hmmmm.. I never believed this, but only saw how often this happened when I lived with him. This man who declared his love for me several times per day (unnecessarily) was having affairs with several women. He strung them along, always unavailable on weekends because of family commitments ie having to watch his son play football in the country, visiting his 2 daughters and his grandchildren - no mention of me of course - (yes, this guy is 58 years old but acts like an 18 year old) - but in fact he was at my place. He managed to sneak in these quickies during workhours, directly after work, on business trips interstate, while I attended night classes. I was also able to access his emails (much to his horror) on my computer, which he kindly buddied me on his AOL to "save me the monthly fee", and was able to read all his most intimate, vulgar conversations with many women, some conversations were so vulgar I needed to go to the bathroom and be sick after I started to read them. This is a guy who asked me marry him (twice) - wasn't I lucky not to !! How could I be so fooled. One particular woman claimed to have passed on chlymedia to him and had her chemist friend prescribe him drugs to clear it up. This was going on during a time when one of his granddaughter's was gravely ill in the RCH. He didn't have the courtesy to advise me of this disease. I have a folder full of horror stories on him now. I was so traumatised by this I needed counselling. I asked the counsellor whether she found me to be a stupid woman - apparently not. I sent copies of his emails to a lawyer friend so at least "someone" could read them so the rest of the world didn't think I was nuts and imaging it all. She was sickened by them. The counsellor assures me that some people make this sort of behaviour a career - they're experts, and it's hard to pick them. My doctors said the same. He had the nerve to tell his whole family that I didn't like his children that's why we were splitting. Boy, I could hardly wait to surprise him with the evidence when I left. He was shocked at being sprung and immediately rang his children to advise them of the truth as I told him I was going to send a copy of all the "stuff" so they could see what the truth really was. I was lucky to escape this but need to share it. The one woman I would like to chat with used the name "sunflower" as her email address - I know her real name but due to privacy laws I can't use it - he strung her along and I would like to fill in the gaps for her. Her dream of a beach front mansion on the Goldcoast must have kept her coming back for more. Believe me he didn't have the money for a caravan on the beach, nevertheless a mansion.

I would love to give you all a picture of him, also the women who delighted in cheating on their men with him (there were several) - I wonder if your email addresses are still current. If only revenge was so sweet.

By the way, he was very ashamed and sorry about all the hurt he caused - I guess that's supposed to make me feel better (not yet).

I told my lawyer friend I should probably write a book on this man - but it will have to be classified as fiction as noone would believe it. She thinks I should.

All I can say is ladies BE AWARE.

Posted by: at July 23, 2007 11:53 PM

So to get in the Top 100 you have to reply to kisses - does that mean no thanks replies count as well.

From my experience I would say there is only about 2% of the people that send kisses that I would actually want to meet. But that is me, and that is probably why I haven't met that special someone. But then I would prefer to not have the numbers - it's more about quality! Besides why waste another person's time when they are not really what you are looking for anyhow.

Posted by: TonyK at July 23, 2007 11:22 PM

I have spent the best part of tonight reading many of the blogs here and have to say they are certainly entertaining.I have had as many good experiences and bad. I like to tell myself that the bad were due to poor judgement by me, or that I ignored warning signs that became glaringly obvious when it all came crashing down but in all honesty - you cant force someone to tell the truth. I was with a man for 18 months when I discovered another woman in his bed - she'd been there for 12 months. He has stalked me for the past 3 years trying to convince me we were meant to be together. He has been my worst experience. I have made some good friends but haven't managed to meet 'the one'. I believe that RSVP actually encourages men to keep looking - even after they have met a woman they feel they could develop a relatonship with. After all, they have paid for stamps and whats the harm in 'just looking?'. Im sure women do the same thing too, what a shane we cant just be satisfied with what is in front of us. Personally, If I meet someone, I disable my profile. Sort of an act of good faith that Im not still shopping around. Clearly, I dont have the answers - if I did I wouldnt still be looking for Mr Right. My philosophy is to trust my instincts - they are usually right (I just have to remember to stop ignoring them)

Posted by: Jessy4 at July 23, 2007 10:10 PM

I have read some story in RSVP there is one of interesting topic , that to reminds me .Single in the frofile sound wonderful , but sure are not . just read Chaismatic83 and find out what it was to my concerned . Since dating , meeting despite to be patience what ever happens it will be , but good and bad are aways come together not really 100% perfect . Just comfortable with some one you wanted to meet them or it might takes time to find someone , think is a good person we wants to call or contact in real life is must take time i suggest.

Posted by: maila7 at July 23, 2007 10:50 AM

It's good to see all this in here (positive and negative).

I have been played by a few ladies who just wanted sex the night we met. Sadly there are players and many who are either married or with a partner. It appears to be fairly equal by gender. But at the same time, there are many who are in fact 'real'.

I deactivated my profile off and on because I got tired of games. Saying "no" gave some a feeling of rejection simply because I wouldn't have sex that early and caused a lot of bitterness. One lady in particular had two kids and was playing a very dangerous game putting them at risk. My concern was that she might play the game with the wrong guy and I shudder to think what could happen or may have already. She was such a nice lady, very attractive, but unfortunately she had the wrong intentions, as it was a payback thing to her ex-hubby.

I haven't changed my profile because it is real and I keep it real and it stays that way. I am way past short-term or one-offs and don't have too much faith in this to find a partner. But stranger things can happen, so it stays.

Many (male and female) like to have a few going at the same time and I struggle with how they can keep up or live with their own lies or their lack of scruples. Each to their own I suppose.

There is no sure fire way to spot a fraud here, but especially ladies are more at risk and you just have to use your instincts. If or when you meet, keep it casual and in public.

I'm still optimistic, but at the same time weary and just play it by ear. I know I am no saint... but definitely not a liar or a cheat. If I don't think something is working, I wont pretend and string someone along or try to flog a dead horse (so to speak). Pity not everyone can do the same, but that's too high an expectation to have on another I suppose.

Keep the faith. Whether in here or out there, there are some nice men or women out there who will treat you well and be honest and upfront - whether a positive or a negative. We have to believe it... even though in short supply.

It's such a shame many use and abuse others that end up creating an overwhelming amount of negativity and angst that potentially spoils it for others and prevents a good thing happening - even before it ever started.

Posted by: Blendingin at July 23, 2007 9:17 AM

Fluffyslippers, what a horrible story - emotionally shocking, not to mention the health risks!! You poor thing.

The trouble with the experienced guys - they are very well practiced, and know exactly what to say and do to pray on the emotions of women, so it's hard to pick them up front, and so easy to fall in.

I think the only real protection is to get to know someone better in the first place, before getting too emotionally and physically involved.

I know it sounds daggy and old fashioned, but there's something to be said for "friendship possible relationship" rather than instant romance.

As Aethyra suggested, that sorts them out - the players won't wait long - they won't be prepared to invest that much time and effort.

Posted by: Riversong1 at July 23, 2007 12:19 AM

fluffyslippers: I think that is one profiler that should be reported to RSVP - blatant deception.

After encountering several "charmers" myself who only seem to be seeking sex, or to play around with your head, I think it is about time that these game players seek their playmates on the more Adult sites...where their attentions might be welcomed. Either that or RSVP needs to put in a little icon "kinky" or "sex only" in relationship sought or ideal partner categories. They can seek "like minded" people all they like and not screw around with those who are genuinely seeking a relationship...

Posted by: hiddencharms at July 22, 2007 2:51 PM

TonyK...the only way you get in the top 100 is if you reply to the kisses sent to you.. it does not go on how many kisses you send out. I am in the top 100 (well sometimes) and it has made no difference to meeting anyone... most of the contact I have made myself or from people who read the blogs.
My reasons for being on the top 100 were merely to see if a larger woman could get on there, as I am not particularly gorgeous at all...on the outside that is!! :-)

Oh and am not desperate either!

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at July 22, 2007 12:13 PM

This blog has been a revelation ... I thought it was me - that for some reason, since I started RSVP three years ago, I attracted liars and frauds.

The worst experience was last year. I met a man from Sydney. To cut a long story short, 6 weeks after we started sleeping with each other, he admitted that he was also into men and had recently (but before he met me) engaged in oral sex with a man. Oh, says me, you're bisexual? No, he replies. Its just a **** fetish. Umm, yeah right!

Then ... he started badgering me to take part in threesomes - with this other man!

Needless to say, for that and many other reasons, it all unravelled very quickly.

This person continues to have a profile and purports to be looking for a short or long-term relationship with a woman (and claims to enjoy the company of women!).

No, I don't have a problem with homosexuality or bisexuality, but I think, primarily for health reasons, this is something a person must be scrupulously honest about (not least with themselves).

So how the hell are you supposed to be able to pick that? It was a horrible and frightening experience - and the last straw. There are worse things than loneliness, and being deceived by predators is one of them.

Posted by: fluffyslippers at July 21, 2007 4:22 PM

I think we women need to take a Deep Breath, stop feeling guilty about wanting seriousness in a relationship and here's a radical idea...Don't become sexually involved before knowing if you are the only person he's having sex with.. Horror of Horrors, heaps of guys will no longer get the "3 month free ride" before bolting. We may lose a few nervy ones with this strategy, but they probably weren't going to hang in there with us anyway.
If the right match turns up, they won't freak and run at the question of exclusivity even before sex has happened yet. And we get to sort the wheat (sincere guys) from the chaff (the guys who throw dozens of kisses out there just to see who takes the bait). Hey, I am able to be friends with a player (and I mean friends Without "benefits" thanks), and sometimes I have been, but I certainly won't have sex with one.

Posted by: Aethyra at July 21, 2007 1:52 PM

I have my pic up and visible and I hate it. But im just putting all of me out there like the experts say to.... I dont think im absolutly amazingly good looking.... But I dont think I deserve to be ignored just because of how I look... And yes I get toally ignored some times and its certainly not because of what I say in my profile... I wish more men were genuinly looking for a partner. Not a super model.

Posted by: at July 21, 2007 12:03 PM

There are so many cynical and negative people around, why not think positive. Life is too short to carry on with all this nonsense, get out there and present a positive outlook, no one is perfect but yet we are all looking for it.

Posted by: misteray at July 21, 2007 11:06 AM

Thank you, Hikerbob, for that perspective - nice to encounter a male view of the story.

Yes, from my reflections, I think you are absolutely right - men and women ARE different. Der! - but sometimes we both seem to forget and expect the same.

Though these are all generalisations, and yes there is variation, range and overlap, I think in general women tend to be more emotional, while men are more physical. While each need both, men want sex, and women want love. In a balanced realtionship, they each share both. But if they are too hungry and get too quickly intimately involved, a women might fall faster after having made love. Meanwhile, the guy perhaps hasn't yet had enough time. She might start to quiz him, and he might think: "hey, I don't feel that way" (yet), so mistakenly think she's not the one, and bail.

It's such a pity, because maybe they might have been suited, but perhaps he just needed more time.

What I've learnt - Venus and Mars? It's better to go slow - not stir up women's intense feelings too fast, and give the guy time to slow grow :)

High maintenance girls and bad boys? Perhaps there's something in there about the nature of desire - one yearns for what is out of reach. After a good full meal, one is not hungry anymore :)

There is a big difference between love and lust: lust (desire) is selfish, love (caring) is kind.

Posted by: at July 20, 2007 11:54 PM

One tip is to check out whether the person you have had contact from is in the Top 100 - either they are extremely popular in which case you mightn't even get a look in or they are completely desperate in that they KISS or EMAIL anyone they think may be remotely interested in them.

Well that is my theory anyhow lol.

Posted by: TonyK at July 20, 2007 11:46 PM

Re: Hikerbob.
Some good points there mate. Have to say i am more a long-term kind of guy. Had 1 one night stand in my life over 20 years ago and that put me off them completely.
LOL i just realised that i have no idea where i am going with this, oh yeah now i remember. What you said about wanting to comment on your ex-girlfriend. Totally agree. I have been lucky I think. Both of my last two long term relationships ended on a good note. In fact, my ex in NZ is my best friend. She has a new partner now and he is an awesome guy. My latest ex is still a close friend in fact she is now on RSVP (my fault I'm afraid) and we attended the singles night together last week. If we were able to rate exes, both of them would score high points. BUT and this is my point, such a system would be wide open to abuse in the case of a bitter breakup.
See took a long time but i got there in the end. Thats my version of a marathon.....and the closest i'm likely to get and all

Posted by: iamhomerclees (spelt right now. Oh the shame) at July 20, 2007 8:59 PM

Thanks to the bloggers who have created such an interesting thread. Another good read.

How would you keep an internet daters reference site fair and honest? How many of can say that everyone we have had a relationship with has handled the end of the relationship fairly? There are some things I like about the idea, I'd like the opportunity to say what a great person my last girlfriend is.

At the same time I would not like to have my reputation smeared by a vengefull ex if a relationship ended on an ugly note.

How would the reader know the character of the person who posted the comments or rating (especially at a time of emotional upheaval)?

I found the comments about nice guys vs the bad boy image spot on. That's an impression I share although like most of these things it's a stereotype and does not apply to everybody.

On the flip side many guys seem to go for high maintenance women (not so convinced about the bitch thing) without being keen on the maintenance aspect.

I thought about the 3 month'r issue. Obviously some players but part of this may be down to the questions that seems to get asked at about that stage.

Maybe it takes men longer to work through and trust where we are at. As an earlier poster pointed out men and women are different (as is each individual), we may understand the question differently, we may take a different interval to decide about the long term viability of a relationship, we may mean something different when we give a committment.

If the guy has doubts and feels that he needs to give an "I'm definitely in for the long term" or "I'm out of here" response then it becomes a milestone question. Any other thoughts on this?

Posted by: hikerbob at July 19, 2007 10:43 PM

I had a peek at don't date him girl and there were only a couple of rsvp men on there. Your best bet to see if a man is "real" is to take your time and use your head. I found "The Rules for Online Dating" by Fein and Schneider to be full of excellent advice including hints for safety. Maybe if we all did "The Rules" then the predators wouldn't get so many victims.

Posted by: HelenfromPerth (not rsvpname) at July 19, 2007 7:04 PM

Could some blogger please give me some advice on how to spot those profiles that advertise for relationships but actually aren't looking for anything? Do these people use certain words in thir profile? Thanks

Anon.

Posted by: at July 19, 2007 4:50 PM

Hi all. Is this blog site just for Melbourne RSVP'ers or Sydney too. I am not so active on RSVP these days and did not know you could "blog". Great idea RSVP. A way to get your thoughts out there in a safe way.
Cheers.

Posted by: gasgirl at July 18, 2007 11:51 AM

to helpneedadvice :-

I met a guy on Facebook. He seems really nice. We?ve spoken on the phone a few times. This is my first online relationship and the first time I?ve used Facebook. Is there anything I should be on the look out for? - Jennifer, Missouri

It?s important that when you?re attempting to get to know someone you?ve met online, you stay safe. It?s equally important to take it slow. Don?t rush to meet this person you?ve met in a chatroom. Instead, take your time feeling him out. Ask about his life, his job, his good qualities and bad ones. If he claims not to have any bad qualities, be weary. There?s no such thing as a perfect man. Chat online for at least three months before arranging to meet your online love in person. Be sure to pay attention to his online manners. Does he take days to return your e-mails? He?d probably not return your calls for long periods of time if you were dating him in the real world. Does he come up with a slew of excuses as to why he hasn?t made contact with you in a while? He?d do the same thing if you were dating him, too. If you find yourself facing a guy like this, pull the plug on this cyber-relationship as fast as you can. Good luck!

Posted by: lipstick princess at July 18, 2007 10:15 AM

The best advice, HelpIneedadvice, is to get to know him for a while before getting involved too fast. If he's a fake, the cracks soon start to show through :)

No database will help you (if there WAS one, and he WASN'T on it, does that mean he's innocent, or just not posted yet?)

But if you have suspicions already, I would say tread very warily. Intuition is seldom wrong, although we often choose to ignore it up front, only to see the signs all in our face in retrospect. OUCH!

Posted by: Riversong1 at July 17, 2007 11:35 PM

anon you are absolutely right, i didnt even think about that. Thanks for reminding me. I mean that sincerely btw

Posted by: iaqmhomerclees at July 17, 2007 7:10 PM

I agree with Anon - RSVP needs a rating system - esp for people being rude, not turning up on dates etc, ie basic common courtesies.

I agree too that at least the Don't Date Him Girl website is a start for us females to check out whether a particular guy is genuine or a player - sad to say that it seems to be more and more guys from RSVP are being put on there.

Posted by: Deb at July 16, 2007 8:07 PM

Is there a way I can find out if the guy I am seeing is for real.
Isnt there a website to warn women, where you post their name - I dont mean in the USA I mean Australian?
Or can I just describe him in detail without giving away his RSVP name and see if it rings any bells?

Posted by: helpIneedadvice at July 15, 2007 11:17 PM

My standard MO when meeting a "date" is to give as many details of him (name, adress, phone numbers etc) to my daughter and and a friend - we ladies can't be too careful. Most men are very understanding of this but one bloke became extremely annoyed that I had done so... obviously I didn't see him again!!! (Warning bells ringing loud and clear, with flashing lights LOL)

Ronin, your post of July 10 was eloquent and well considerd - loved the "brand" suggestion :-)

Thanks all for a wonderful Sunday read...

Posted by: VictoriaDownunder at July 15, 2007 12:32 PM

I am at a loss regarding men. Many say they are genuine, decent, honest but they are simply NOT! Many are the opposite of their profiles.

I have just finished seeing someone who used to sneak his profile up and used to joke around about all the women he met on this site before me (should have been a warning).

I think he just doesn't want a relationship in total even though he says he wants a "long term relationship". He is in his late 30s and his longest relationship has been 2 years and that was off and on.

He is no doubt off out with someone already, ie clicked the next button!

I can see now he is a serial internet dater based on what he has told me here and there.

So for all my advice would be to question how their previous relationships have been and really check out their profiles and see if there are any conflicting comments, then go around all the "adult" dating sites and see if they have a profile their too. Amazing how many have one on there and how different their profile on there is to the one on here!

Also, check out how often they are online - they are either not getting dates or just wanting more!

Posted by: Kath at July 15, 2007 8:53 AM

I have really been enjoying reading this blog, and have even followed some of the advice - such as checking out the adult sites to see if any of the sleazier guys from RSVP were there.
I had to create a profile to look, and I must admit that I did create an imaginary profile on that site, because I have no intention of contacting anyone on it. What an eye opener. There were a lot of guys from RSVP on there, and OMG the things they wrote in their profiles. Funny how on this site none of them admit to drinking a lot, but on the adult site the same guys write that they party hard when drinking.
And as for their sexual interests - most of them stated they enjoy giving anal sex (maybe they should try receiving it - it may change their minds) and would like to engage in numerous other activities that would send many women in RVSP running.
I will certainly be careful to check any potential dates out very carefully from now on, to see if they are on the adult site. One guy, who had contacted me via another dating site, and who looked MUCH older than he said he was, actually admitted on the adult site that he was a lot older than he states in his profile. His excuse - he thinks he looks younger than the stated age (In his dreams).
The other advice I followed was to google my own name. What a shock when my name came up. Luckily it was for a petition I had signed via the net, and it did not give any personal details.
My safety advice has already been mentioned by quite a few people on this blog - kiss, e-mail, phone, arrange for a friend to call you during the first meeting and meet in a very public place.
One last piece of advice - I don't know how it works in other states, but in Queensland anyone can get your full name and address from the Transport Department if they know your licence plate number. All they have to say is that you ran into their car, and they need to contact you to arrange repairs. Scary stuff if you are followed to your car by someone you have just met who wants to stalk you. The only way around it is to arrange to have all of your details suppressed by the Transport Department. This can usually only be done if you are a victim of DV or have a job that constitutes a safety risk. It can be a pain changing any of your personal details, like a change of address, when your details are suppressed, but the inconvenience is far better that the alternative risks. If you are unable to get your details suppressed, I suggest you get a friend to pick you up (And make sure the guy knows that your friend is picking you up). It is equally good advice for men, as I have heard numerous stories of women who stalked men.

Posted by: Fefa63 at July 15, 2007 2:16 AM

Hi everyone.I would like to put in my two bob's worth-so here goes.Firstly,I agree with Louise(June 25th)-"I just find that accepting that men and women are different and not looking at the opposite sex as the enemy has helped me meet some great people and develop lovely friendships".Definitely the way to go -and applies to both males and females.From time to time I read some female profiles which state that their ideal partner will have the same/similiar interests(no mention of having different interests)and interpret this as that they want a partner similiar to them.Needless to say,I move on to the next profile.Secondly,in response to Sassygirl 10(June 25th)about checking out people on other sites(especially adult sites)-I couldn't agree more as these sites can give a more in depth picture of someone.I have viewed quite a lot of female profiles on adult sites(who are on RSVP)and in general I get a more honest insight,which is actually a good/positive thing!!I feel at times there are too many profiles on RSVP(female)that are sugarcoated and manicured(i.e.presenting a somewhat deceiving picture of some one).I have tried to be sincere with my profile and,yes,my photo is of me inside a caravan-my lovely home!).I can understand females being cautious in meeting a guy but realistically it is the best way to work out/get to know someone.However,the process of kiss-email-phone-meeting is the way to go and I have no problem if the lady has company with her or nearby.Whilst women may moan/complain about a guy's true intentions,don't be frightened in being honest and upfront with a guy(especially with early contact/1st meeting).If they don't like/accept what they are hearing give them the flick.Guys-be mature with this and don't be deceptive.Nothing wrong with being honest and upfront(be sincere not sleazy) with a lady but accept and respect her response/wishes.
Going back to people being on adult sites,I for one am on several and, although I use a different username,you should have no trouble in locating me.I clearly state on my RSVP profile(and other sites)what I am looking for.Ultimately,I would like to be in a long term relationship,but,people need to be reminded of a few things-the divorce rate 40-50% and de facto's/girlfriend-boyfriend breakdown(well above 50%-I guess,maybe 80-90%!).Anyway,good luck to everyone and, yes,these blogs can and do reveal much more about someone!!Peter.

Posted by: pk1965 at July 15, 2007 1:40 AM

Hi everyone,

I think if you talk to someone for a week and at most two, and they still haven't asked to meet you then chances are they never will. What does everyone else think?

RSVP member

Posted by: at July 14, 2007 8:14 PM

I think it is sad that people are so worried and cautious!

I would rather be true to each person and thus the right person, than hold something in reserve incase!

Just go out, meet the person in a safe public place, find out what is real rather than hiding. The truth will soon present itself.

Posted by: CreativeStuart at July 14, 2007 8:03 PM

Hi RealLiveinColour

Sadly...yes sadly I tepidly yet genuinely went on this site to find genuine men looking for the same thing. Sadly people do not come with testimonials or reference cards. My heart will go on...happily as it always has...yours ...hmmm a bridge over troubled water is all you saw me as.

Posted by: browneyes59 at July 14, 2007 6:32 PM

Been thinking about all the stuff in these blogs and agree that if it seems great too soon, beware.

I was told to meet up quickly and have doen that most times. I've met some lovely gentlemen too. Unfortunately no chemistry but certainly no suggestions of anything too.

The time I got so badly burned I had rushed in. I met up before any letters and fell hard. Guess I was vulnerable and believed his sweet nothings- it was too good to be true. And it wasn't true. It was a well honed act to lure me into his lair.

Next time I will write for at least two weeks before a meet and then not get involved in "home visits" for some time after that.

You live and learn and I guess I am very lucky that it has only happened once with my rspv gents. They have been great so far but just one leaves a very bitter taste that takes some time to swallow. So take your time girls and don't believe all that you hear.

Posted by: Wishingandhoping at July 14, 2007 10:07 AM

well said WW and that name thats way too long to pronounce. Too often the bad boy image is what grabs the females attention, not that i am saying that the guy in the polyester pants and checked shirt with the slicked down hair would get a look in either....

but back in my youth...( now when was that maybe early 30s??????? ) cant remember old timers disease.., i had the long hair in a pony tail with the loopy pirate earing and stud also, (before my time and johnny Depps..lol).. wore all black clothing even black cowboy boots, and did reasonably well, but there was nothing ever going to last, cos after time the women found out that i was underneath it all a nice guy, who cared and did most of the things that guys think that women want. and it ended.

so now i am just who i am and cant wait for the woman to come along and realize that i am exactley what and more to the point who she is looking for.

cheers have a great day lol

Posted by: Rhodry at July 14, 2007 2:19 AM

Hi iaqnhomerclees

I think the bad boy thing can work the other way too.

I know I treat men pretty decently. If I am not interested in them I tell them nicely and if I am interested in them there is no way I would do the wrong thing by them.

However, I am sure a lot of men though would prefer a "bitch" (won't say bad girl here otherwise the men might think I am talking about a something else lol). But from what I have seen if women treat guys mean and make sure themselves a bit unobtainable they actually like it. That's not me I am afraid.

I like to be upfront with how I think and feel. If I like someone I say so. i don't want to use them for free drinks, dinners etc. I can pay my own way/take turns. Just want someone to be my equal and not have to look after me if you know what I mean. What do I get - guys that treat me with little respect. I think I just need to be a bit of a bitch to get someone to treat me right. Doesn't seem right does it!

Time and time again I see some women out there that treat there men pretty bad and they get highly respected by them. What can I say?

Posted by: anon at July 13, 2007 11:01 PM

we're all looking for the same thing are'nt we? Love & acceptance... But when someone tells us what they are....... BELIEVE THEM!

Posted by: lyn (not my RSVP name) at July 13, 2007 9:39 PM

I agree with the bad guy vs good guy. I have a male friend who is a serial dater and has all the moves, but doesnt go farthur that a physical relationship, and doesnt even keep that going for long.
He always has a date (or two) going and meanwhile nice guys who are honest seem to scare teh grls away?
why is that. ?

Posted by: inquisitive70 at July 13, 2007 7:31 PM

Hi iaqnhomerclees

Nicely said and I do agree with what you are feeling. I also know several guys who continually do the wrong thing by women and they seem to always get away with it and prosper. As cliched as it may sound, nice guys often do finish last. Why do women continually put up with this and sometimes even seem to encourage it?

Maddiegirl - I was very sorry to hear your sad story but try to stay resilient and remember that when you do eventually meet the right person you won't have to do it all on your own. As Wishingandhoping said, there really are plenty of nice people around.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 13, 2007 11:05 AM

Yes definately agree RSVP needs to have a ratings system similar to ebay!

But for the girls you can always go to the don't date him girl site - few RSVP guys on there lol.

Posted by: anon - girl at July 12, 2007 9:20 PM

Oh Boy...
This is the second time i have responded to something Ronin has said but i really feel strongly about his comment of shame in our gender. I have only been a member for a short while and reading these blogs has opened my eyes. We men can be bastards cant we?
I have always considered myself to be a nice guy and have long felt part of a fading breed.
I have some friends in NZ who would use a site like this for 1 thing only, yet they always seem to get any woman they want. I try to be more aware, i think, of others feelings and try not to hurt them, not always successfully, what i am trying to say is that a lot of women seem to go for that "bad boy" image and it is still a factor in deciding who to respond to, subconsciously anyway. I had a friend in NZ, met her through a website and we got on really well. I went to meet her and things continued great. Unfortunately she had been contacted by an old friend and decided to have a relationship with him instead. He was a "bad boy" type of character and after 3 months broke her heart. We are still friends now, but i cant help wondering what could have been.
Damn, waffling again. What i am trying to say is that in a lot of cases, despite protestations to the contrary, women do seem to go for that bad boy image 8 times out 10. Hardly surprising then that more males are behaving in that fashion? Still shaming to those of us on the side of angels but food for thought maybe?

Posted by: iaqnhomerclees (yes i know its spelt wrong,sorry) at July 12, 2007 8:02 PM

Maddiegirl,

Read as much as you can about relationships and personalities and you may be better prepared next time. That's what I have done and I discovered that my last guy was a narcissist. What a great insight. It was never me after all. It was him. It allowed me to move on so much faster.

I was sad to read what had happened to you and hope you are starting to mend.

There are still many, many wonderful, caring, warm men and women in this world.

Take care

Posted by: Wishingandhoping at July 12, 2007 6:26 PM

aquariasbabe. Your story is so familiar. Why cant these chaps find happiness. They are restless and looking all of the time for what? I see perfectly lovely attractive sincere women willing to love and care for these fellas, why do they move on eventually...I am at a loss. I am in a relationship now (shouldnt be on RSVP should I??) but it is because of this very thing. I feel that at any time he is going to just move on. We are a beaut couple together and I know he is extremely fond of me if not in love (in his own way) but I wont be very surprised, after 3 years, when he fades away.
I have no advice for you. I was married for years and years, alone for many, this is my second relationship thru RSVP. I would really love it to work....

Posted by: trendy50plus at July 12, 2007 4:04 PM

At the end of the day the only way to check out eachother is through meeting. It has its risks, but are they any worse than say meeting someone through work, sport, a social function, etc? In most situations you don't know much about the other person.

I don't think delaying meeting reduces those risks either, so why get into a long series of e-mails with someone who you won't really know if there is magic between you, were honest and realistic in their profile, etc.

So it comes down to meeting in a safe situation. Say a cafe where you are known. A park that is popular. Strangely, many ladies don't want to go to a cafe where they are well known, presumably due to the questions that might get raised at alater date. Your choice becomes safety versus a little potential or imagined embarrassment!

Dissapointment is an awful feeling when meeting. That can be due to hopes being raised through your e-mail dialogue, but those meetings are usually ok. Where there has been deception, unrealistic or dishonest profiles and e-mails, then I think RSVP should have a means of dobbing them in. In the latter, I'm still courteous but wish I wasn't there.

Posted by: Freoishome at July 12, 2007 3:08 PM

I have read with interest all your blogs and I must say that it is a sorry world we live in when we cannot trust or feel secure in dating someone or trying to establish our future.
I cannot see that it was this hard when we were younger! Not a care in the world going out with someone and not looking for our future with any of them - it just happened!. And in most cases they have lasted.
I am currently ploughing my way through a relationship that for all intent in the beginning was to be my future, but now after he has cheated on me while working overseas last year and keeping the contact up with her in the Phillipines, I am emotionally fraught. I think I am eluding myself into thinking that he will change and want me back again. We have tried - me more than him. I have tried to be understanding, but now after reading these blogs and the suggestion of reading that letter from Kiki, I think I have come to believe that I am wanting to stay for all the wrong reasons, (other than that I have no money and that my settlement money from my marriage has now been used for a block of land in Qld - which was going to be our retirement place!)and that I cannot sell. I think that I need to be detached to try and re-evaluate myself. That letter and that website that I was directed to was amazing. It answered so many questions about myself and my situation.
I am going to try and evolve,and be very wary of the next person that I may be fortunate to meet.
It is so very hard. I am emotionally drained because I am trying too hard. I read with interest fellow bloggers!

Posted by: Maddiegirl ( not RSVP name) at July 12, 2007 1:22 PM

Wow, I'm reading all these comments and realise I'm not the only one thinking I'm the only one. I would love to believe everyone is honest in their profiles, what they say, what they look like, but unfortunately some are not. I'm in a wheelchair and have that in my profile as well as having a picture. Whats the point of lying about myself, its awfully hard to hide if I meet someone..lol...Congratulations to all who have a recent photo and are honest..AND...Most of all respond to kisses and emails they receive.

Posted by: shazza67 at July 11, 2007 9:34 PM

I have just got back on this site after a long break from looking. I had my profile hidden for the past 3 years. I have found these blogs fantastic and very helpful. I have had the only wanting sex types when I was on the site last time and had a wonderful relationship with someone from this site but unfortunatly I wasted 3 years on this man and he was still happy to just stay the way it was we had a couple of breaks and each time he met other women and slept with them and I took him back the final break up came when I went away for 3 weeks and he didn't contact me. Then I came home and he did not contact me for a week and I knew he had someone else. It has now been 3 years he has tried to contact me but I have not responded and have now wasted 3 years not wanting to get hurt again. Now I'm ready to have another go. The message here is he never made any promises and I didn't ask for any either you have to sort this out and not waste 3 years and never think that they will ever change.

Posted by: aquariusbabe at July 10, 2007 9:33 PM

After reading through this blog, I feel ashamed for the whole male gender. I have to say that I also feel quite annoyed that a certain percentage of guys on RSVP give those of us who are genuine a bad name. Perhaps I am nieve, but some of the stories that have been described here beggar belief (not saying that they are not true). It does not say much for the state of the human condition that such dishonesty is allowed to occur.

It is no wonder that women on this site have to be so cautious about meeting (in person) with people from here. Then again, I suppose that is true regardless the way in which people meet. We live in an age where one has to be (at least initially) suspicious of everyone, which of course makes it very hard to meet new people without them thinking that you are a serial killer.

The fact is that RSVP is like any other place where one meets people. You will get a cross section of society, from the kind and genuine through to the derranged and dangerous. The trick is figuring out which is which... (Some form of brand, perhaps?)

Maybe RSVP should introduce a feedback system similar to eBay, where users can rate the people they have gone out with...? ;)

In all seriousness however, if an organisation like eBay can gather details on users and check their veracity for the purpose of business, then surely RSVP could implement a similar process for vetting users and ensure that 'serial pests' are not able to simply create a new account every time they get banned. This would enhance the safety and confidence of genuine users and weed out some of the creeps. Should be easy if IP addresses are logged and only email addresses from legitimate internet providers are acceptable.

I don't know what the answer is when it comes to making a judgment about the people you meet, but a healthy balance of optimism and caution seems to be the prudent course. Its the balance of the two that is the key. Too defensive, and you risk pushing people away; too open, and you risk being hurt (emotionally and/or physically). My philosophy is 'Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.'

Best of luck to all with their quest for whatever it is they are looking for...

Ronin (not my RSVP name)

Posted by: Ronin at July 10, 2007 9:04 PM

Love your blogs - really interesting.
sometimes even the most sincere person will hurt another.
Not a good idea to take it too personally if a relationship stalls after even two years...
U dated a very nice sincere chap - we got on fabulously - he thought he loved me and showed it in the nicest way - but after time he just lost interest.
Maybe he fell out of love. He has a bad history - never married no children - mature not handsome but charm and intelligent. I knew it was risky - I was in it for the long haul - at finally yes, he just faded away.
I think his problem (apart from a few neurotic episodes) was that he was always searching for something better. For some crazy reason he thought he deserved more. I was easily as good a catch and he agreed, but his ego just drove him on seeking in vain for perfection. I apologise for the half baked psychology. Good luck. Dont lose heart. But maybe its true - the good ones are taken.

Posted by: humournpassion at July 10, 2007 11:35 AM

Hi all.

I've read so many sad stories in here, and my heart goes out to you all.

I've had my share of bad experiences too.

I'm coming to terms with - maybe it's not just 'them' so much, it's me too. In that I mean - I don't have to be a victim - I can, well I SHOULD, get out, as soon as my alarm bells go off.

Recently I stumbled on a site called TakeBackYourHeart.com. In there, there's a letter from Kiki..........

It's titled "The Secret Reason Why Women Are Attracted to JERKS, PLAYERS and Just Plain DANGEROUSLY WRONG GUYS"

It is quite amazing.....It opened up my eyes! Please read it - I hope it helps you like it helped me.

Once I read that letter, it explained to me, why I keep making mistakes in my choice of partners....

And then I guess, you have to look at...well, what's out there.. By that I mean, what's out there for us (girls) to date.

They're either divorced, and not in a good place They're suffering, angry at women, on a mission to be the best dad that ever existed - it seems to take about 5 years till they're 'ok' - that's if they're ever 'ok'.

Or, they've never been married and set in their ways...no room for a partner. They don't know, or want to know, how to share their life

I would love to have a life partner, but I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that being single isn't so bad....like, it's not what I want (being single)...but, it's ok. I can still be happy.

Any way, if you've had a string of bad experiences - read the letter from Kiki.. I hope it helps.

Posted by: anon at July 10, 2007 7:19 AM

Woodnwine,

I sent you a kiss to clarify matters.

No need for a reply.

I'm not going to be back for long but I think you are right. We all need to be helping each other to find whatever it is we are looking for.

Problem is that some of us have been burned along the way and it's hard to keep coming back.

Another problem for the over forties. We become far less resilient or choose not to go back for more!

Posted by: Wishingandhoping at July 9, 2007 9:39 PM

To whiteand1,

I believe there are reasons why people don't reply to some kisses and emails - maybe the sender's intention was to offend in the first place.

Some sender are way outside the ideal partner profile of the person they send it to. Give you an example, I am 19, and i had an email from a man 51 with grey hair and several children, way outside my ideal partner profile, and I expressly stated "no children". I was at first offended by the email, but laughed it off as I believe the sender's intention was to offend in the first place. And off course I immediately deleted the message.

I think before you send a kiss or an email, you need to be realistic and respect the ideal partner profile of other members. They put those criteria in their ideal partner profile because those criteria are what they will use to assesses potential candidates. So if you are outside their criteria, they are doing you a favour by not replying, don't you think?

Posted by: at July 9, 2007 7:35 PM

hi again
hmm what i want to know right now is how come many people put photographs of themselves on profiles that are so out of date, dont they know that when you meet them it is instantly obvious ??? ive just met the third man ive had a meeting with from rsvp, he was much older in his pic, hardly any hair, he was obviously a heavy drinker as his facial skin was full of liver spots , heavy bags under his eyes , in fact he looked at least 10 yrs older and the other two i have met also had much younger pics up, why do they do this , would be ok if that is what they said but nope they said that was them now... all lies all i can think is hell do i give up now or just hang in for a genuine non lying gent ???

Posted by: ravensflight at July 9, 2007 6:55 PM

You guys are a laugh a minute!! Some quotes I have even written down. I have been on RSVP for a year and a half..have about two thousand kisses etc in my inbox, and have yet to meet someone who doenst want sex on the first date or have raging fatal flaws...if there are decent men, I am seriously considering lookin for them in real life!! I am developing this theory you see, that all we are going to meet on the Net are compulsive Net addicts,addicted to being hit on by multiple members of the opposite sex in cyberspace, who develop an inclination toward deceit and emotional unfaithfulness that they didnt previously have!! i am currently beginning property settlement over a guy i met who ripped me off bigtime, married me dumped all his debts on me, stole my car went bankrupt and nearly lost my house and cars to his bankruptcy!!! If all this sounds unbelieveable and inflammatory to the opposite sex, Im sorry but girls you need to be warned. I still believe there are genuine, manly honest men out there...I just havent met one yet Im afraid. (so if anyone you know is dating a 45 year old Gold Coast guy who likes to run,once fought bad guys and works for the council, beware!) However like so many fellow women i continue to examine myself for my own faults,try to move forward with grace dignity, and believe and hope. Thanks for ur sharing of the common experience.....xx

Posted by: sweetdreambeliever at July 9, 2007 8:01 AM

Dear wishingandhoping

I just checked your profile again and I think you may have a mistake on it that is causing you all the trouble. It states your age is 65 and you are looking for a partner between 49 and 55. I think there must be a mistake so maybe you need to update.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 9, 2007 7:40 AM

Dear wishingandhoping

Your appology is very graciously accepted and I have not taken any long term offence. I was initially slightly offended but I just took one extra glass of wine and away it went.

Now I ask you to please not take any offence but I just looked at your profile and it says that you are 65 - I am 52, that is 13 years difference, so why do you say we are the same age? Is there a misprint or are there two wishingandhopings?

And by the way I agree with you, children and pets are great company. I have 2 dogs, two cats and a wonderful stepdaughter who is coming to stay with me for the weekend in 2 weeks - can't wait.

Enjoy life and keep up the great blogs.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 8, 2007 9:02 PM

I have met 4 guys from rsvp and although none so far have been exactly what I'm looking for, have made two fantastic new friends! Just one complaint - two of the guys put up photos that were at least 10 years old and one overstated his height by about 3 inches! He justified this by saying that his fantastic personality made up for this, and yes he did have a great personality but... doubts pervaded my mind...just how honest is this guy, really?? don't do it guys! It's very disappointing, is that what you want on your first date? Disappointment?

Posted by: specialgirl123 at July 8, 2007 4:39 PM

Sage advice for everyone in this Blog. Commonsense is apparently not so common. Neither is manners it seems. Why is that some people can not even be bothered to reply "no thanks" to a "kiss"?! No wonder they are single!!

Posted by: whiteand1 at July 8, 2007 3:28 PM

Taggart is the show on ABC on Friday night. It's what I watch with my cup of tea.

I was just alluding to the things you wrote that you liked to do. I rolled them all into one. You could well get electrocuted but that could be half the fun.

I wouldn't get a look in because I am about the same age as you.

Men in their sixties like me. I guess they are really in their seventies and that might be why I am all alone on Friday nights with the telly. Actually rarely alone- children or pets are usually with me too.

I did apologise for being rude. Sorry again.

Posted by: Wishingandhoping at July 8, 2007 2:17 PM

softsummerrain, thanks for your comments re my profile (another blog - but can no longer find it!). I checked yours out too - you got it all goin' on, girlfriend! (sorry, think I must have been watching too much Oprah...)

Posted by: Malsie at July 8, 2007 11:15 AM

ausgal123, no need to correct your own spelling mistakes....there are some bloggers who feel it is their duty to chastise others for any (perceived) errors! lol.

Posted by: geminikj at July 8, 2007 10:48 AM

Hello Wishingandhoping

woops, what brought that on? I don't play my guitar naked in the rain with playful girls listening to drums. If I did, I'd surely get electricuted! And what is Taggart?

You say I've never given you a look in - sorry, what do you mean?

Posted by: woodnwine at July 7, 2007 10:19 PM

oops 'naively' and optimist....those 4 years of university...didnt help with me spelling somedays...sorry! oh I did hear of one drama...friends son showed up for a date and met up with women who had posted a picture of her daughter....she was 56 and put a pic of her daughter who was 36!! I have only had one date where he had obviously lied about his age (was about 10 years out), the others were all honest.

Posted by: ausgal123 at July 7, 2007 8:34 PM

I have really enjoyed the comments on the blogs and would love to read some more comments by the guys as well. My experience over a year and a half of being on rsvp...is well I am starting to feel like 'the fish john west reject'! I honestly (and probably nievly) didnt think after being in a 25 year relationship that it would be that difficult to find someone to be in a relationship with. My experience is meeting the players yes (why do they say they are looking for a long term relationship???), all intimacy and no commitment, or the genuine ones, who are genuine about finding a partner just not me!! but I have found some great guys who are still friends and have been there for me. I never give out my details too early - and email first, always meet in a public place for a coffee. I am ever the optomist :)

Posted by: ausgal123 at July 7, 2007 8:10 PM

Hiya all
Woodnwine...with your "delightful" dates and your wonderful attitude, you just keep us entertained.

Since you headed off to bed, mind if I borrow your soapbox?? Good!

For those who are pressured for sex on your first date, stick to your guns. It's so common with many on here (the pressure, not the giving in!)

As for safety, well you just never know. After 5 years with someone I met on here, he snapped, needless to say it ended up with me packing up and getting out - well he's just resurfaced again...this time "looking for friends". I bet...I know exactly what he is looking for and girls beware! I wasn't his first "victim" and nor will I be his last! Just be very careful, make sure people know where you are and who you are with, even if you are "older and wiser"

Enjoy.....

Posted by: wishfulthinker at July 7, 2007 7:41 PM

I recently googled someone via the blogs. I do tend to google & cybersleuth, purely out of interest sake, I do this even to myself....

Tactless idiot that I am I mentioned what I had found....
Mea culpa (I seem to be saying that a lot lately, perhaps it's timely for a retreat...).

And yes if I can do it anyone can, what they do with the information can be something entirely different..

Posted by: TrumansCat at July 7, 2007 1:54 PM

Woodnwine,

I thought you were off to play your guitar, naked, in the rain hours ago to the sounds of your drums and the distant surf and the tittering of young, playful girls who would be able to keep up with you.

Woodnwine- this is all said tongue in cheek as I really do think you seem to be a lovely, caring, fun man. I'm just bitter that you'd never give me a look in as I'm too old.

Cups of tea and Taggart on a Friday night are for we older world weary women and men.

I must add that I have never been asked for sex by any men I have met from rsvp on the first date. Thank you gentlemen!!

Can't imagine a friends with benefits situation either. Wouldn't it all be a bit awkward if you really were good mates??

Posted by: Wishingandhoping at July 7, 2007 1:30 PM

Here's an interesting take on the "Three Month Thingy" from a younger man's perspective too-

"As for the men who would steal your oxygen, I'm at a loss. Is it that they are looking for in relationships something that is just not possible? Perhaps they are looking for that loving companion and all the accompanying comforts without putting in all the hard work of building the actual relationship. Just trying to find some poor lass to 'tick the box' and provide the love, however forced, without making a real effort themselves.
I came across a woman a little like that once, and must say found it very off-putting. Why? Because, you're the organ donor (heart?!) and they're the desperate recipient. And you can just feel that they may not pay near so much attention once they're whole again. Vampires!"

Posted by: Wishingandhoping at July 7, 2007 1:22 PM

What an interesting morning,was going to do housework,but decided for the first time to read your blogs.Much more fun,so many tales to tell.My two cents worth.When you have a little niggle in your gut and you want to ignore it and you try to push it away,don't.After the event,you will remember what alerted you in the first place and wished you had taken notice.This by the way has taken me all my life to learn.My first time on a date club what a hoot. Enjoy it for what it is.

Posted by: coralie3 at July 7, 2007 11:30 AM

Hello woodnwine and hiddencharms

I suggest you read the blogs from start to finish on 'profile dealmakers and breakers' under category dating it doens't come up under recent entries, but is well truly up and running as well as 'advice to new members.'

You will will find a rich and diverse amount of wisdom from many users of rsvp. We've all had disasters and disappointments and this is no reflection on you, just on them.

We've all been burnt but don't let those bad experiences stop you from following your dream of finding that one special person for you.

Posted by: happykindone at July 7, 2007 9:56 AM

woodnwine, I know you're totally dumbfounded by some (well, okay, a fair few!) men's attitude to sex as you obviously don't think like some of these men do, or operate like that in your life. What a breath of fresh air it is to know (and know of) men like you to help balance some of that negativity out.

I am equally dumbfounded when I hear about some women's materialistically grabbing ways; how obsessed they are with men's incomes or out to get what they can financially. I just don't get that either (perhaps there's some valid historical, sociological conditioning or something going on, who knows, but I still don't get it!)

Posted by: Malsie at July 7, 2007 9:48 AM

Hi TrumansCat... Your blog of 16.6.07 - is so true...I dont think anyone (well most) really intentionally misrepresent themselves - they write of themselves as they see themselves.... just maybe we don't see them like that when we meet them. And our own expectations, and hopes, wishes magically fill in all the blanks of what we don't know about them. Expectations and hope versus reality.. (I love your profile)

Hi Sonn....I read your profile and you sound lovely too.....the CAPS thing affects 'me' like this (I'm not saying I'm right - I'm just saying this is how it 'feels' for me and might 'feel' for others who read it too) When I read words that are in CAPS...I 'feel' that same as if someone is 'yelling' at me. I say this so respectfully - and it's not meant to be critical...

Posted by: softsummerrain at July 7, 2007 9:24 AM

Hi Woodnwine
You've made me laugh twice tonight. Well done!
While boiling that kettle I'll have one too and while drinking it perhaps I'll share the tactics your counterparts use..
Honestly it can be quite funny, I keep my friends entertained for hours ;) Though I dare say it will bore my fellow female bloggers to tears as from what I've read, we've all been there done that.
I'm beginning to think that perhaps I need a new brand of perfume!!!

Posted by: shybutperky at July 7, 2007 12:01 AM

Hi hiddencharms

you are absolutely right! No one's profile states that they are weird or a sex maniac, they all seem perfectly normal. Scary isn't it?

OK, sorry to talk so much tonight so I'll have my cup of tea and go to bed now and give someone else the soapbox.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 6, 2007 11:14 PM

Hi shybutperky,

Maybe I am stupid but how do people work "will you sleep with me" into the conversation on the first meeting? This is truly incredible!

Posted by: woodnwine at July 6, 2007 11:08 PM

All these experiences make us better people.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 6, 2007 10:42 PM

Hi shybutperky

I guess where the heart is involved we are all vulnerable so we take things that probably should be a warning as something to grasp onto. Hopefully we learn by our mistakes.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 6, 2007 9:58 PM

suzannev

Thanks for the info. Different guy and he is no longer on RSVP.
Regarding the safety issue, I believe that you should always carry your mobile and have someone call you about half an hour after you meet. If it is going well and you feel safe, then you just say to the caller, yep, having a nice time and they know you are ok. If it's not going well, you do the old "Oh my god, you're kidding me? Of course I'll come straight away". Then you tell your date that a dear friend of yours is having a major crisis and you have to leave. Probably not very nice, but it can get you out of a bad situation.

Posted by: senee at July 6, 2007 7:28 PM

Oh..woodnwine.. you've made me laugh in my sick bed.. that's a good thing.
I think you have to get the trophy.
My dates are disappointed cause I won't sleep with them .. after the initial meeting.
I have to know how she slipped through your radar to get to the second date?

Posted by: shybutperky at July 6, 2007 3:06 PM

Wow..woodnwine you can sure pick 'em! I'm thinking that her smoking was the "good" part of that date! What a treasure...I hope at least the food was nice!

Posted by: wishfulthinker at July 6, 2007 8:20 AM

Ladies...just remember...don't let the team down! We stand stronger when we stand together. We don't need sex to make us, we are powerful within ourselves. You have the power to be the best you can be and that means if you want to build a relationship with a man, then you go ahead and build it, you don't need to use sex as an excuse or a reason. You are a fantastic person who deserves the very best, so believe inyourself and receive what you deserve. Be an individual, be strong. I've been on RSVP for three years now and haven't met anyone I've considered a suitable long term partner. Don't get me wrong, I've met some lovely blokes, honestly, but in the end, I make the decision to call it quits because I realise 'something just isn't quite right' and until I'm certain things are 'just right' I'll be happy to meet n' greet, share a coffee, lunch or dinner and make the decision in my time not theirs. There should NEVER be pressure.

Posted by: AFineCatchOfTheDay at July 5, 2007 10:16 PM

Ladies and (Gents) I guess there are some male comments in here. I love growing older and wiser, I truly do. I thoroughly enjoy meeting people and learning about them and what makes them tick. We are such an eclectic lot! Yet somehow, we are all searching for the elusive 'love of our life'. I hope we all achieve this wish. In my universe, it will happen when I am exactly certain of the type of person I want in my life, not what I don't want. When you think of what you don't want, guess what? You get what you don't want! So know what you want and deserve..then you will truly receive. Love to you all and I hope you achieve your dreams..

Posted by: AFineCatchOfTheDay at July 5, 2007 10:03 PM

I also would advise everyone to google themselves and check whether any contact details of theirs appear.

You need to be careful about what yuou reveal about yourself online, or in emails as if you say too much someone may use this to talk you.

I am pretty careful but one guy Googled some of the information I divulged and managed to get my ph number and even my home address!!!!! When i spoke to him on the phone, a precaution prior to agreeing to meet f2f, I decided there was something not right and refused to meet him. He was quite insistent on the phone that I meet him and I hung up. Within a day or 2 a letter arrived at my house and he was insisting I meet him. I was very stressed by the whole thing, so Beware ladies!!!!

Posted by: sleeplessintheburbs at July 5, 2007 9:02 PM

I would say watch out for the ones who come on hot and strong very quickly. Beware of Lots of text messages, wanting to see you multiple x a week, talking about how they want a baby and asking you how you feel about having one........ Saying that just want to be loved...... etc Don't fall for it. It all happened within 6 weeks. Its amazing that a guy tells you he can't buy you flowers on Valentine's Day because that would mean something and a few days later he is surprised you won't have sex with him!!!!!

Posted by: sleeplessintheburbs at July 5, 2007 8:41 PM

Inchworm, a tranny perhaps? or......no luck with the ladies so trying his own? who knows. dont do ur head in worrying about it. unfortunately because this site has anonymity, it is a haven for deciet.
Rise above it guys.

Posted by: Lipstick Princess at July 5, 2007 7:13 PM

woodnwine
The scary part is that their profiles all looked pretty normal, emails mostly articulate and phone calls pleasant and interesting...I have waded through many profiles and know to avoid the ones that look dodgy from the start. I think I have a magnet attached to my head: morons here!

Posted by: hiddencharms at July 5, 2007 2:35 PM

To Inchworm,

Maybe the lady in question has already found a guy on this site so she passed her account to a male friend perhaps?

Posted by: at July 4, 2007 4:54 PM

Being safe is really vital, as long as keeping in mind that entering any relationship is about taking risks, on both sides. Rsvp gives a first glance, and a chance to 'feel' if there could be something worth having in your life in what is seen. What people say is most important to me, it really tells me more about their attitudes, values and honesty than pretty much anything else. That's the person I woud be attracted to or not. Then emailing, then ringing (if they check out as 'safe') then letting the chemistry emerge or not. After a long absence because of widowhood, rsvp has given me access to friends and what looks like becoming a very special growth in my life - worth taking the risk, because everything about this man says "I respect you and desire you and know not to do things to risk losing you". So far, it is great to feel like a giddy teenager again, and well worth the risk-taking.

Posted by: Lrvatinglady at July 4, 2007 2:03 PM

So many bad experiences, so many bad men, are we doomed as a race? Probably.

Well ladies here is one for the other side and it's all true. On our first date I phoned confirming I was in the taxi on my way to pick her up for dinner. She eventually answered as she was asleep and had to get ready in 10 minutes. During dinner, this woman finished her wine so started drinking mine. Foolishly, I just thought she was being friendly.

On our next meeting she admitted that she had a drinking problem, cocaine was the best thing she had ever tried, her teenage son was dealing drugs and she didn't know where he was living and her marriage had broken up due to swinging with another couple. Oh, and she chain smoked despite saying on her profile that she didn't. I don't know how she managed during our initial meeting, must have been wearing a patch.

And the best part was she said she didn't want to see me again because I complained about her smoking.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 4, 2007 11:36 AM

Oh boy. All those false profiles and bad experiences are scary. Thank you all genuine lovely people for advice given. Inchworm, I don't think RSVP are dishonest, I am sure it would not do anything for their reputation or business to be so.
Once I tried to look on another meeting site, but couldn't access it without putting on a profile. It wasn't what I wanted but then I found I couldn't remove my profile, even after asking a few times for the webmaster to do so. Then it hit me. I changed my entire profile to read"
"blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah etc., for about 50 blahs. My profile was off that site pronto.
whew!

Posted by: cheerycherry at July 4, 2007 11:35 AM

Hey hiddencharms, where do you find these crazy guys? What were their profiles like? I find it hard to believe there are so many wierdos out there!

Posted by: woodnwine at July 4, 2007 11:15 AM

Hi Inchworm

I am also starting to wonder if all the profiles on RSVP are real or manufactured. How can it be that you have to send of 20 kisses to get one response. I am fine with a negative response and sending a response takes no longer that looking at the kiss so what is the deal?

Posted by: woodnwine at July 4, 2007 8:33 AM

I previously contacted a seemingly normal female profile and after receiving a positive response, purchased stamps and sent an email. After a couple of vague emails in reply, her profile became listed as no longer being an RSVP member. Her profile stayed in my favourites and after checking it a few months later, I found that the same profile link now had a different user name and was now that of a male!!!

I of course smelled a rat and have since been very dubious about the validity of profiles on the system. My immediate thoughts were of a conspiracy theory that RSVP creates and maintains false profiles to suck us in, thus making us spend more money buying more stamps. I'd be interested to hear if anyone has had similar experiences or any further thoughts on this...

Posted by: Inchworm at July 3, 2007 10:57 PM

hi all

very interesting comments regarding dating/meeting routines and methods.

i never use any caps, at anytime or anywhere. if k d lang can get away with it, ..... i do use punctuation and hopefully spelling is ok.
kiss, email, phone and meet are a necessary evil and the experience always feels like a job interview!! however, when one can smile or laugh during the first meet, it has to be a good sign. and if one can enjoy talking freely in the first meet, well and good.

but the most important fact on both parties is patience despite the urges or otherwise, during those early heady days. getting to know another person takes time and sometimes a long slow time; and i hate the 3 month thing. if you feel comfortable with your partner, there should be mutual trust and faith.

yes i have my heart broken; yet i still beleive that one day i will find that special person.

just waiting patiently for my equal.

and she will pop up in the most unlikely place and time, whether i am ready or not. c'et la vie!

Posted by: chatoveracoffee at July 3, 2007 10:41 PM

If you go head first into this caper with no expectations or preconceptions then there can ultimately be no hurt!
I do agree that women in particular should have some back up plan to alleviate any discomfort or unsuredness about their situation.
Easier said than done perhaps. Try, then trust I say.

Posted by: MagicMuppetMan at July 3, 2007 7:33 PM

118 kisses, 19 emails, 10 further contacts...4 meets (after I weed out the ones older than my father or looking for a financial security blanket or sex kitten between access visits). Ok I might sound a little jaded.
Always, and I mean always, let someone know exactly where you are and give them a description of who you are meeting. My first "meet" tried to ply me with wine and with each glass thought he could touch and maul and invite me home to his warm waterbed....thank God I had a friend arranged to pick me up at a prearranged time! The second one brought his kids who were so positively rude and badly behaved that it was embarrassing watching them trash the place - and me...the third one spent the night showing me his scars from where he had tried to stab himself during his depressed days (once again, thanks to a quick call I was rescued sooner than planned) and the fourth seemed quite normal by comparison, drinks and dinner on date 2, but after a couples of wines with dinner was obviously drunk - on top of what he'd admitted to drinking beforehand - kept pushing me to go up the road to the pub, because he was usually smashed by dinner time...Number 5 was the greatest laugh I've had in years...he was 10 years younger than stated on profile (wore a hat and sunnies for pic), openly stated that he wanted someone to take care of him and seemed more interested in questioning me about my daughter than in me and went absolutely beserk when I told him I would rather he look elsewhere....and I never got to my last arranged meeting, being driven insane and smothered in calls, texts and emails by the rather desperately insecure man concerned (OK Bloggers, put 2 & 2 together and work out the profile).
Always have a friend know where you are. Always carry your mobile. Never let them know where you live or work. In my case, I think I am about to give up on the whole RSVP thing...but if I do decide to go on another meeting, a friend will be sitting at another table....

Posted by: hiddencharms at July 3, 2007 5:10 PM

Suzysure: I was just reading the profile of my "unwelcome admirer" whom I have only just recently managed to lose (technolgy dumping blog for those interested). He has now added to his profile: imminent plans to continue with extensive travel. From our conversations, I had obtained the information that he was thrilled to have travelled to Tin Can Bay (from Bris) for a recent weekend - with his brother & sister in law to share costs- and has booked a week on the Sunshine Coast - with his brothers, sister and inlaws....He now calls himself a Retail Management Consultant and told me he was a butcher - or would not be able to afford to buy meat! During the same conversation - and he admitted to being at the bottom of his bottle of port - he was telling me that he could not afford to pay his bills if his brother did not live with him! So, I guess like a good car salesman, he is selling himself high, and hoping the faults don't show until the 3 month warranty wears off...

Posted by: datelessdreamer at July 3, 2007 3:52 PM

Wishingandhoping, I completely agree.
Excuse me getting a little whimsical here (fustrated poet): while I prefer the sunny days myself, the flowers everyone wants to smell couldn't grow without the rain, it makes the grass truely greener (not just how it looks somewhere far away) and fills up our dams :) And where would the light be, without the shadow?

Yes, life's bumps make us grow stong and wise, and also make us more appreciative of the good things when they finally come our way!

Posted by: Riversong1 at July 3, 2007 11:11 AM

If you are going to his place for dinner/whatever make sure people know and have the address.

You don't want to end up as a character/victim in a Wire in the Blood scenario.

Posted by: Wishingandhoping at July 3, 2007 10:12 AM

Riversong1,

I'd love to meet you for one of those Gin and Tonics one day, or a piece of pie.

I've had so many challenges too and sometimes used to ask how strong my character had to be as I seemed to face so many(challenges).

Now I just roll with the punches and can usually find the funny side or the silver lining.

Is that a little black cloud following me?? Yes, well I have a big golf umbrella now and that's me under it singing in the rain.

Gosh!! I sound like I've had those G&Ts and it's really onlky my two morning coffees.

Posted by: Wishingandhoping at July 3, 2007 9:32 AM

Ha ha... yep, or lemon merangue pie - YUM!

Better merry or yummy than sour faced! We can make the most of the hands we're dealt is what I mean to say. And from my exeriences, it's the "challenges" that have been the most growthful experiences in my life, anyway.

Posted by: Riversong1 at July 2, 2007 10:09 PM

I'd rather put those lemons into my gin and tonic!

Posted by: at July 2, 2007 9:57 AM

Abrisman - I can't wait to hear the poem - yes please!

Happykindone - such wisdom in your words... couage to face our troubles and kindness to others.. beautiful! I love the analogy about water too. It reminds me of a poem I wrote once (excerpt):

"... for women's softness is our strength, and in a storm, it is the green boughs that do not break, but bend..."

It would be tragic to lose our kindness and softness to cynicism!

In another poem I described the challenges:
"...We are like the rocks worn through a myriad of waves,
Our rough edges have been smoothed.
Like oysters we grow pearls from life’s sand grits –
Pearls of wisdom,
To be shared with those around us,
Who are also growing them, too..."

Yes, it's so important to retain our humour and stay positive -
if life gives us lemons, let's make lemonade!

Posted by: Riversong1 at July 1, 2007 9:29 PM

Senee, His name was Chris Harley and he has been removed from RSVP

Posted by: suzannev at July 1, 2007 9:14 PM

Your daughter was very perceptive and wise.

Sometimes they encourage us to do the opposite because they want us in a relationship and we hange in there too long thinking we have to for them.

Take your time before you date again. Five years is a long time to get over, especially with such an ending.

Just know that none of it was you or something you didn't do. It was all him if that is how it ended.

Posted by: at July 1, 2007 12:10 PM

Glad to hear that, EternalDreamer, and what a great thing for your daughter to say! She will have learnt a great lesson through your strength, and that's something really precious.

Posted by: Malsie at July 1, 2007 9:38 AM

Thanks Malsie for your comments...I'm healed...I think once the shock wore off, I got up and got on with things. The kids, well, I guess time will tell on that one, hard on them to lose what they thought was their "little brother" to a certain degree. Worse still, seeing Mum get shoved around - but my teenage girl said to me something very neat "Mum, we are so lucky you are strong and got out". Made my day....

Hang in their bloggers...it ain't all bad!!!

Posted by: EternalDreamer at June 30, 2007 5:18 PM

What a pity we all live in different parts of the planet.
It would be much nicer sharing a meal or a coffee and a laugh together while we mull over the idiosyncrasies of other people on rsvp.

Posted by: suzysure at June 30, 2007 4:18 PM

Took quite a bit of time reading the words of (mostly) 'wounded but wise now, women' but well worth the read. One thing that stands out here thru all your comments is : Women seem to be expected to take responsibility for how the man behaves.Have the men not grown up yet? Do they realy count on us still to show them how to behave ??
Why should I play the game of pretending to be not too interested nor looking for anything ongoing nor commitment for fear he will bolt?

If the man states in his profile that he is looking for a longterm relationship .. how am I to discern if he means this or is only puting in what he thinks will entice interest ?
Of course no man is going to be so honest as to state "Looking for a quick fling and if you are a game player who knows how to keep me dangling and constantly unsettled enough and unsure enough to hang around I'm yours for the long term!"

Sadly it's closer to the truth than what is actually written! I have male friends who are now living in this scenario, having escaped what they incorrectly percieved at the time as a need for total instant commitment with me. I'm independent and perfectly capable of taking care of myself which is too often percieved as not being "Needy" enough .. so it's a no win situation ?

Three previous men in my life came back and apologised after time had passed ... one is still with the player and the others looking again and have even looked for a retry with me.. but the trust is gone for me.
I try for friendship first and a period of learning to trust which is perhaps why I'm still friends with many of them despite it falling apart, and why in time they are willing to admit they judged me wrongly.Things might have been earlier resolved by actually communicating..listening as well as talking, while we were together.
Communication.. Honest communication with open mind and heart and taking responsibility for ourselves...we do it so well in the Blogs .. why cant it happen in our relationships?

Posted by: Naiad18 at June 30, 2007 1:59 PM

Hahahaha!!
How do you tell if someone is overstating their importance in a profile.
I've just found a profile where the "gentleman's" opening line is "I'm a Consultant Principle and CEO". Now someone who really was a consultant PRINCIPAL would at least know how to spell the title of his own position correctly.

Posted by: suzysure at June 30, 2007 8:35 AM

Hi Wishingandhoping

My pleasure, my heart went out to you with a broken heart and having some time out. I'm so pleased to learn you are feeling much better. Of course we all need to time to regret, rehash and be sad it was not meant to be as well as have time out from dating.

I love reading riversong1 words too.

I love your words shybutperky Time wounds all heels. I'll have to remember that one!!! It is so very true, have lived to see karma returned a number of times.

So many of us are on the same wavelength. We have one voice on many things, including sleazy guys, genuinely wanting to find someone with integrity who is special to us to share our lives with. Are over receiving kisses from those who never read our profiles, these are just time wasters.

Laughter is one of the most important things to have each day in our lives. Love to make my friends laugh with my silly stories of what's been happening.

Happiness is a choice. We all have to take responsiblity for the choices we make. When bad things happen, which happen to us all, we either choose to let them get on top of us or we can choose to be happy and count our many blessings.

The two most important things in life is the courage to face our troubles and the kindness of others.

The 3 month mark for a relationship is usually the time it is either going to develop a little more or it has reached the end of it's life. Far better to find out sooner than later. I don't think for most of us it means we have decided we want to marry this person. Rather we would like to see where this could go, we enjoy each other's company and feel comfortable. It's always a disappointment when you reach this time and your other half decides it's not what they want anymore. We've all been there.

I would rather find the courage to try and fail than not try at all. What we regret is not what we did, but what we did not do.

It takes enormous courage to open our hearts as we get older. We've all been burnt, but we must never give up on our dreams. Then our bad past experiences have won and robbed us of our present and future happiness.

Becoming philosophical has helped me face my many battles, challenges and disappointments.

What is the strongest yet softest thing in the world?

Answer - Water.

It wears everything down with it's gentle movements yet it feels as soft as silk.

So many think kindness is weakness when in fact it is strength. Some have quite a shock when I reveal my stainless steel will and determination.

I can only suggest please do not become cynical and jaded when you have some disappointments and bad experiences with dating on rsvp. That comes with the territory, with practice we all get better at being more selective and reading between the lines of profiles that really are not for us.

Those experiences will make you appreciate that special someone when you find them all the more. It will happen when it is meant to, either through rsvp or when you least expect it. Just never give up as it is never too late.

Good luck and keep your sense of humour, if rsvp is getting you down, time to have time out and not let it consume you.

Posted by: happykindone at June 29, 2007 10:29 PM

Thanks Wishingandhoping and everyone. Yes, there is something connecting us here - a bond of understanding for shared experiences.

Intense emotions can be so elating or soul destroying. When we open up emotionally, we become very vulnerable. It really does pay to be careful who we choose to do that with.

IceMelting, yes, it's a great book. Verbal/emotional abuse can leave a person just as bruised as physical. But probably worse, because there are no visible signs, so no-one knows. Can make one feel very alone and crazy, especially if he is a "Charming Man" on the outside. (Been there, so I know!)

Thanks Trumanscat - not trite all all! Yes, all good. Very stressful though. Yes, family is so precious; when misfortune happens, it puts everything back into perspective.

Thanks 38citamsirahc. Friendship is the place I like to start - "friendship possible relationship" I know it sounds unromantic and old fashioned, but hey, the way I figure it, the worst possible outcome is that you make a new friend, at best there's an opening for future possibilities as you get to know (and like what you get to know) about the other. I am fortunate to have some nice friends, and it's great to spend time out with congenial company (wave to Mr X) :)

Thanks woodnwine. you seem nice. Yes, so far away (was that Greenmount in the background?) The 3 month thing we were talking about wasn't the one where things fizzle natutrally - it was about the intense rides we sometimes get hooked into with the big bumps at the end!

Passingby - OMG - I had an email from one of them about a month ago!

Posted by: Riversong1 at June 29, 2007 7:37 PM

BURNED. i think we all have been. just a few thoughts of mine. 1) i believe that a person knows within the first date or two wether or not they think you are compatible. providing knowbody pretends to be someone there not, which therfor means they only want sex from the begining. 2) i think if a person gives it up early on it doesn't mean they gave it up to early, it means they know at that time ( or at least they have been lead to believe this by the other person or scum if you prefer) they want to really get involved and get to know them more. 3) there are going to be a few dogs out there (yes male and female) that will try and take you for a ride. 4) but we all know this. which mean that they are moo points. the plain fact is we will most likely at some stage in our life be dupped by another person. my only hope is that by the end of this, I (WE) will be standing at the end with a person who I (WE) truly care for and are loved back by. poem inserted into blog soon.

Posted by: abrisman at June 29, 2007 6:10 PM

Hi Happykindone,

I thank you for your words and good wishes. I am finally over my bad experience. I have been able to draw the line in the sand and move on now.

We need time to mourn ,or moan, and then start again with a clear head. Bad experiences take up head-space. Until you clear that you don't move on.

I do live well! I am not rich, but am rich in the good things in life. I am thankful each day for my job. I am a teacher and get so much love, joy and humour from the students.

I've got two great kids, a close, funny family, my health etc.
I love music, especially with a G&T. I take the time to smell the roses. I consider that I am very rich and very lucky.
These blogs amuse and inspire me and support me. Strangely enough I feel a strange bond to both you and Riversong1- very twighlight zone but true all the same.

Humour, it's one of THE most important things in life. If you can laugh at least a few times every day it helps.
Thank you again!

Posted by: Wishingandhoping at June 29, 2007 5:14 PM

Hi Wishingandhoping

Good explanation but I guess at some point you have to make a decision on whether the relationship should continue or not and what should you do if you decide that it probably shouldn't go ahead? It takes a while to get to know someone and I suppose we all give people the benefit of the doubt if some things don't look right early on but after a while we realise that it's just not going to work. At some point one party has to make a decision.

Posted by: woodnwine at June 29, 2007 11:44 AM

Louise June 25 - so close, you just didn't quite finish the reasoning.
close, but no qupie doll, yet.

Fantastic insight there. If I didn't know better I'd say someone's been wispering in your ear.

Posted by: dlad54 at June 29, 2007 1:35 AM

i forgot who but readying up there ^^ someone said
"time heals all wounds"
but karmically speaking
"time wounds all heels"

Posted by: shybutperky at June 28, 2007 10:14 PM

My profile is 100% fair dinkum. The photo...if I say where it is from, everyone will find out my real name, and thus be a violation of rsvp rules. Suffice it to say, it was taken this very year for winning an award. Unfortunately, I had to gack it off the internet because I was too thick to ask for a copy when the photographer took it. Ergo, my face is too far away and noticably pixellated. Oh well. I need a camera...

Posted by: UltimaWizard at June 28, 2007 9:23 PM

I think what they are saying is that after three months the guys hightail out of Dodge to seek a NEW mate.

Three months is their use by date. These guys don't have another week in them. At least not to spend with you.

It's probably around the time they start to show their true colours too.

Guys don't be offended, everything I say goes for both sexes.

At the three month mark the more interested party starts to think that things are getting serious and maybe it's consensual. The other, less interested, gets cold feet and flees.

Whichever way we choose to look at it the relationship is not meant to be and it's probably good to find out at three months and not a year.

We all want mutual affection, don't we?

Posted by: Wishingandhoping at June 28, 2007 3:34 PM

These blogs are really interesting, I wish I had more time to read every entry. The trouble is, by the time you read several entries you tend to forget what the original subject was. I think this one was about profiles being too good to be true. Here is an idea - maybe people inadvertently write the profile based on who they believe they are but in truth the reality may be different. I know I will be reading through my profile again to make sure I was being as honest as I intended to be.

Sometimes we may have a picture of ourselves that we honestly believe in and want to project to the world but we don't always behave that way. This is just a thought because surely so many people can't be as bad as some of these blogs suggest.

Commenting on some other topics people have raised in this blog, boy some of you ladies have met some dubious characters! This can only make it harder for others that are genuine and we surely do exist. I think honesty is always the best policy on serious matters like other people's feelings.

Anyway ladies, keep the faith. If you are genuine you will surely meet someone who is also genuine. And what is it with this 3 month thing? I am getting mixed signals on this one. Are people saying that after 3 months you know if you want to get married? I hope not because after 3 months you are only just getting to know each other. Or are you saying that after 3 months you should be sexually faithful to each other? I would say that you should decide on this after the first time you decide to sleep together. How can people sleep with two people at the same time and say they are in a relationship?

Keep up the great writing everyone and I hope all you nice people meet someone you like really soon.

Posted by: woodnwine at June 28, 2007 12:07 PM

Riversong and Patience..
thank you....very enlightening....i'm just sitting here, shaking my head in disbelief.. ..because several of the guys i have communicated with on this site.. have been of such manner....i'm just glad that i am that type of person who looses interest when stories don't add up..its such a turnoff..thought it was my downfall.. but i guess its kinda saved me...however almost got sucked in by one...
I'm going to take a break from seeking a relationship..i think i will update to seeking pen pals/friendship...

Patience- i wish all women (i guess men too) could read what you wrote.. so they are aware and alert...

Posted by: 38citamsirahc at June 28, 2007 1:02 AM

Thank you Wishingandhoping. I think we may actually have a lot of thoughts (and experiences) in common. I read something completely different into your one sentence post, but totally agreed when you explained more fully.

I agree there ARE things women can do to take responsibility for what happens. From what I've learnt, going slow is the biggest one of them.

Yes - wouldn't it be lovely if we could always follow our own advice!! (but isn't it so hard to go slow when one is longing for something?) Yes, at the time the ride captivates us to only see what we want to see, and make excuses for what doesn't fit. Yes, I know about the pain that causes very well first hand...

Yes, we are wise in retrospect. But you know what? It IS possible (because I'm learning!) to use hindsight as a great means of developing foresight, and what to avoid doing again.

I've actually stopped making the same mistake over - now I just keep finding new ones :)

Posted by: Riversong1 at June 27, 2007 8:41 PM

Riversong1,

I hope you got my message on the other blog. I was not remotely offended.

I enjoy your take on things and, if it's different to mine, that never causes offense. Makes life interesting.

I believe we may have common thoughts on this topic anyway.

Thanks for saying I'm wise. I am sometimes, but we don't always follow our own advice and that can end in pain. In most of these fly by night relationships we can see the red flags a flying in retrospect but on the other hand we sometimes enjoy the ride.

Posted by: Wishingandhoping at June 27, 2007 1:29 PM

3 month relationship? Hmm, I can say you lbeen lucky enough. What about those guys, who enjoy your company for 3 weeks? Stated in a profile-he is single, meeting a few ladies at the same time. Then delete his profile and create a new one! In fact-married (single in profile), has 2 kids (live at home, but in profile he doesn't admit it). Former Gladiator2007, now Abracadabra07, which one will be next Anthony? ;) Wish your wife could see this site, she would learn alot about her hubby!

Posted by: Passing by at June 27, 2007 11:12 AM

2 dates .. one coffee, one lunch, two different guys and two propositions.. "friends with fringe benefits"
makes me wonder what my perfume says about me. One said he knew we wouldn't make a relationship but he thought he would fly the kite, verbally after the date.
the other didn't even give a reason but put it to me like a business proposal in an email after the coffee meeting.
Guess which one made me feel the ickyest.
both of these men listed freindship, short and long term relationships on their profile, makes me wonder what a purely sexual relationship fits into.
Never lower your standards ladies. Always expect respect.

Posted by: at June 26, 2007 10:24 PM

So sorry, Eternaldreamer, about your traumatic experience you and your children went through.

It also highlights, I think, that much as you think you know anyone, you can be deceived on some level just as much by someone you've "known" for 5 years as a smooth-talking RSVP person who's just contacted you. Hope things heal for you quickly.

Posted by: Malsie at June 26, 2007 10:04 PM

Hi EternalDreamer, Riversong1 and all,

After read your commons, I found I am not alone...

I would cut my painful experience very short... but I am sure you would know what I am talking about as I think you have similar experience -

Met this guy one year ago at RSVP, I was attracted by his sunshine outlook.... Everything seems great (probabloy we both all head over the hill in sort of way as that was the time that we both are in our peak time at work.. he got a new job, he got his son move back with him......), everything seems wonderful.

After 3 months (that's what I call the honeymoon stage finish), I start to feel something just not right.....

Most of the time, I was blame by something which even not my problem - he lose his son (as his son decided to move back to the mother; his job doesn't promise what they told him; more over, he even blame me for not able to finish his PhD!! (What the HELL??!
!)

How silly I was taking all those on board....

In a way that he is very clever manipluately type of person... as he would say things that make you feel that he cares you, but in fact, he put all the blames on your head....

More and more, I start to feel that I lose myself, I am living in a invisible jail, I felt trapped!!!!! But I didn't know why....

How could the person who say he love you, can turn around and say you are the most nasty bitch that he ever seem?

I have been moving in and out between his place and mine for so many times.... everytime if I do go back with him, the less stuff I carry with me.... as I don't know how often I could experience this? I hate 'house moving'.... ;-p *sigh*****

He present very differently in front of his friends and with when back home. That's why bothers me as I see his true personality that no-one could ever see not even his close friend and family... but I am the one who suffer because I am just right next to him?

I end up become very depress..... until I read a book call - "The verbally abusive relationship" by Patricia Evans. Which was my life saver for me....

Just before my birthday, I decided that I do not want to have anything to do with him..... he can take control on his life....

After we spilt up, he continue to email and sms me.. but all those contact were so low tones and always blame you this and blame you that....

I realsie that in his heart, he is such insecure person.... he needs to feel love and care in the way he wants to feel... The way he try to control and manipluate me was so clever becasue you can not see the evident... but I consistantly suffer from emotional abuse.... I was blinded that I couldn't see.. But I am glad that I got out there before it's too late....

IceMelting

Posted by: IceMelting at June 26, 2007 9:29 PM

Hello Wishingandhoping

I'm sorry you have been badly burned. I have been too, in fact I have a phd in broken hearts. But I have always been determined to not let my past unhappiness destroy my present and future happiness.

Time does heal all wounds. Sadly there is no quick fix when your heart has been broken. In fact it gets harder each time it happens.

It doesn't matter how many times we are knocked down all that matters is that we pick ourselves up each and every time and never give up.

The best revenge is to be happy and show them indifference, even if it kills you on the inside, karma takes care of the rest.

My heart has turned to dust, there's nothing left to glue back together.

It is never too late to find that one special person who fills us with joy and laughter and it will happen for you.

When we feel like giving up on our dreams just give them to your friends for safe keeping until you are ready to hold your dreams again.

I read an interesting comment by nomadd on one of these blogs, you might just want to look for his comment (I can't find it) and read his profile.

Things will get better and easier, just be kind to yourself and make sure you do something each day that makes you happy. As the only person who can make us happy is ourselves.

Posted by: happykindone at June 26, 2007 8:50 PM

hi all
well first time for a blog chat but this one really gets me going.
ive been on here for a little while now and chatted to some nice fellers but met some real crook liars , i know it isnt all men who lie but hey i am a lady and i have not lied on my very ordinary but true though maybe boring profile, but wow a couple of men i dated this year have been totally only out for what they could get , one even on the first date told me he would build me a huge home then in the next breathe he told me to sell mine and give him the money to fund HIS house (not likely fool) and the other gosh not only did i like this one i thought he liked me we chatted for ages and ages , phone calls sms , finally we meet and then well then ...an email saying no thanks , i was stunned to be honest he was a nice guy i thought but then ohh yes the best part comes out then i find he has been doing this for a while hmmmmm good on ya is all i could say and hope you lose the power of speech from your lies... well now folks, i take it very easy but got to be fair to other men on here who are genuine, the world isnt full of idiots after money or whatever it is they desire, there are real people and i intend to find one just right for me , but the losers well here is 50cents call someone who actually cares and your losing space on here cause we the real people will catch up with you eventually ... hey good luck all you good humans out there hang in like me we will shine eventually..

Posted by: ravensflight at June 26, 2007 8:16 PM

Riversong1.....
I hope your child is well & recovering.
There's no way for me to state this in a way that fails to sound trite...... but.....
family is everything.
As my parent's are ageing I am treasuring each moment.

Posted by: TrumansCat at June 26, 2007 6:12 PM

soulblonde,

Don't be too paranoid, a lot of guys on RSVP do say they after short term or long term relationships so posting a profile on an adult site looking for casual sex isn't a lie in itself, it just helps a bit knowing before hand what someone is looking for. I know you guys might argue that its a guy thing to play the field before meeting the right one, however I don't think if you're posting a profile on one of these sites you are really that interested in taking the time to form a relationship and I have come across a few creepy ones (that have sent me a kiss) ie men that are searching for women, couples, group sex and men, one guy that sent me kiss had all 4 listed lol. Obviously if this is not your thing then it makes weeding out the undesirables much easier and on the positive, if you after a fling then I guess you'll know beforehand what gets them off. I actually did start seeing someone from RSVP that I found out later had a profile on an adult site, even without knowing this there were a few signs that I should have taken note of. One he tried to get way too physical on the 1st date, he admitted for the last 3 years he had only had short term relationships (strangely enough it was the 2 month/3 month thing mentioned haha) and lastly his emails started off very friendly but quickly changed to slightly sleazy, well they were still friendly but I didn't feel he was interested in anything serious...hmm and he turned up to the second date drunk and stoned lol at least he showed his true colours early, not entirely dishonest in itself. So I guess the advise is if you want a serious relationship with someone take things slow, if someone is interested in you as person then they will wait and enjoy getting to know you, and trust your instincts too! :)

Posted by: sassygirl10 at June 26, 2007 9:22 AM

Wishingandhoping, putting together what we both said, the picture becomes clearer...
Maybe women contibute to the 3 month drama by giving themselves too soon, and getting emotionally attached to the man they sleep with too quick. Perhaps this might scare even a guy who did have genuine intentions in the beginning, when he takes a reality check (after initial endorphines wane), and realises his feelings don't measure up, because they haven't had a chance to grow yet. So he thinks maybe she is not "the one"after all, and gives her the slip, trying the same thing again with someone else (who might do it too!)
So maybe women are helping them become "players", by giving them what they want too soon!
Perhaps it's a case of less is more, to keep things balanced :)

Posted by: Riversong1 at June 26, 2007 7:49 AM

Wishingandhoping, I'm really sorry for the outburst - I completely misunderstood what you said. Must have been very tense. We all have our bad days (just spent the weekend and all day doing the rounds of doctors and hospital after one of my kids had an accident).
Please forgive.
I'll have to learn to listen to my own advice and think before I shoot :)
You sound like a lovely and wise lady. Please keep sharing your wisdom.

Posted by: Riversong1 at June 25, 2007 11:07 PM

Charismatic83..sometimes the married men are quite upfront about their status. They will usually have a sad story about how horrible their life is with their awful wife. They will often say they are going to leave"when the time is right"...it never will be.

The hidden married men are not so easy to spot at first. Some say they are separated...yes, separated for a few hours while they are out with other women!

(reminds me of a couple I heard of claiming Separated Allowance(now single parent benefit) because afterall they were separated for 8 hours a day while he was at work!)

Again there will usually be a sad story about how they have to stay together in the same house because they can't tell the children or financial reasons etc.

The ones who state they are single are the worst.
Signs will be that they can't talk to you on the phone, especially at night or on the weekends. They might say that they will call you and you can't call them. Or if you call them they will always have message bank on.They will say they have a busy life and can only meet during the day or certain nights.Never on Public Holidays. They might say they have to travel a lot. They will never want you to meet their friends or family, and probably won't want to meet yours.(although there are very callous types who play the whole game)
They will rarely stay overnight.(Varies if they really do travel in their job or their wife does)
They may have a telltale ring mark on the left finger where they have removed the ring!

They will be quite romantic as Riversong says.
Once they have you hooked, they might confess and hope that you will stay..especially when they spin the story about their horrible wife.

It is hard to gauge but try asking a few questions and make calls when they least expect it if you are suspicious.

Why do they do it? The million dollar question.

Some men never settle down.
It can be an accepted part of certain cultures Mid life crisis mostly..men wanting to be reassured that they are still young and attractive enough to get a new woman. This phase often coincides with a time in the marriage where there are stresses or problems.Money/career/teenage kids It is an escape route from reality

Posted by: patience at June 25, 2007 10:32 PM

Wishingandhoping, I agree with all you've said - the falling fast after sleeping, and things getting out of kilt. I've just peeked at your profile - how wrong was my preconception of your comment - I thought you were a man!
I'm with you on the Sabbatical, and with you on the Bloggs too.

Posted by: Riversong1 at June 25, 2007 10:31 PM

I think women(and men too) very often get what they allow from partners.

I have never had 'the talk' in the sense of sitting down and having to ask where I stood.
If women lay down the guidelines in the beginning then men will respect the rules I have found.
For instance, there is no way I would sleep with a man who is sleeping with other women. (even more important today than ever given risks)

It is not necessary to even state that...you just expect it and make sure the guy knows it is not something you tolerate.You won't allow that for yourself. You will be treated well. If he wants to he can back out at that point.

If on the other hand you are needy and unsure and tolerant of any behaviour because you don't want to 'lose' someone..then you get what you allow...treated with disrespect.

There is no need to have a "three month talk"...just continue on as usual with the presumption that you are a couple. In the meantime instead of worrying about this, spend the time having a wonderful, fun and exciting romance and he won't want to live without you.

Posted by: patience at June 25, 2007 10:03 PM

hmmmm. not much to say except take care ladies and gentlemen. make sure to try and be as smart as possible when it comes to safety. and wish u all the best on your journey

Posted by: abrisman at June 25, 2007 8:38 PM

suzannev

I've had a similar experience to you. I'd been chatting to this guy for several weeks and very early on declared his undying love for me! I became wary immediately, having been caught out once before on another dating site. He was very charming and good looking (of course the pic may not have been him at all) he said all the right things and seemed to genuinely care. After a couple of weeks he said he was going to Lagos (don't they all) for work and lo and behold, he and his partner were caught in the riots just before the elections over there and his partner was injured and had to have surgery and he wasn't able to get to the bank and could I please send him the money so he could have the surgery and bring his friend back home. Luckily I was smart enough to say no. I also reported him and his profile was removed, but he turned up again under a different name a few weeks later! The only bit of advice I can give anyone (male/female) is that if their profile says they were educated in the USA move on.

I have no problem with naming him - Widowman

Posted by: senee at June 25, 2007 8:12 PM

Sassygirl10,

That's a great idea about 'researching' the guy on other more adult dating sites! That would never have occurred to me as I am so naive!! I always think people are trustworthy- really I don't see the need to lie about things!

Posted by: soulblonde at June 25, 2007 7:48 PM

Riversong,
I wasn't suggesting that a woman should not expect more. I sure do and have had the three month, or even two, happen many times over the years.

In my reading about relationships it seems common all over the world that when the women want "the talk" the guys, they take the walk.

Lots of men are scared of commitment and so are women. I was just suggesting if we continued to date and have fun we should not try to have the talk too soon and it may last longer. It is just a thought not a truth.

My daughter is very serious about a guy at the moment and it is the three month date. I just step back and watch her as she wants to know if they are exclusive.....I think it would be better to just continue having fun and getting to know each other better. That goes both ways. Three months is a very short time in the big picture but, as you have stated, it can do untold damage to our pshyches.
You are right to suggest going slow and taking time to learn more about each other before leaping in to a full physical relationship but boy don't we all find that hard to do no matter our ages.

It's interesting that we females produce a chemical, oxytocin, that attaches us to the men we sleep with. This fact goes a long way to explaining why we fall so fast after sleeping with these men.

I agree about the players but sometimes you don't spot that's what they are till you have taken the fall.
It's soemtimes so nice to hear all those sweet nothings and think they might be true.

I've been burned badly and am taking a long sabbatical from dating now but good luck to everyone still here. I'm just here for your great blogs now and that is quite enough!

Posted by: Wishingandhoping at June 25, 2007 3:10 PM

Um... wishingandhoping, after three months of opening up to a man with physical and emotional intimacy, perhaps women start putting out the "so now I'm your girlfriend aren't I? and I hope you're not still checking out/sleeping with all the other chicks and just using me" vibe - so what's actually the problem with that? I don't think at that stage they are planning a wedding!! Just wanting to know whether the guy has real feelings and genuine intentions to continue in a relationship (YIKES - the dreaded "R" word!!!! :)

I must say, from my experience, there are quite a few (not all - apologies to the nice guys!) of committment phobic emotionally cripple men out there, who have been bruised in the past and don't want to go there again, but still want the instant "chemistry" endorphin buzz, so they play around and make a mess :) It's a boost to their ego, physical release, and "feel good" hit for a while, before they start to feel "pressured" and "guilty" and bail on to the next.

It can leave the woman (especially a younger one) feeling very damaged. In some cases I have seen, I would even go so far as to call it emotional rape (I know that sounds harsh, but if you're interested you can "google" it).

38citamsirahc - how to spot a married/otherswise attached/emotionally unavailable man? Well, for starters... he comes on very fast, strong and intense, wanting to get very close very quick. But once you start to fall for it, it will be followed by "keep it simple", "busy" (especially on weekends), "confused/need time to think", "discreet" (won't intoduce you to anyone)...
They "hit and run" - have fun for a few months before it's all too complicated then they move on to the next and do it again.

Best advice is GO SLOW, make friends - they usually won't hang around to get to know you first. And don't be sucked in when they come on so strong treating you like an adored godess in the beginning "if it feels too good to be true - it probably is"!

I'm not cynical, just an older and wiser woman who's been there, done that, sharing my experiences for the benefit of the younger girls - don't go there - it's not fun! I know we might feel longing and eager to give our love again, but it's worth waiting and saving it for someone who's going to treat you with respect.

Players can't play without willing participants. If you're looking for love, don't make the mistake of falling in love with a guy who falls in lust with you :)

Posted by: Riversong1 at June 25, 2007 12:50 PM

Hi Everyone,
I have only been on rsvp a few months and I have just discovered these blogs. Aren't they great?! I must be one of the lucky ones who have only met nice genuine guys on here. I have strong instincts and I also do the whole email-phone-meet thing for at least a couple of weeks first.
I do want to say one thing about the whole '3 month thing' and 'players'. Men are the same in every country, every culture and every forum. They are also looking for that special someone to spend their life with and want strong committed relationships. However, they are happy to have casual 'intimate' flings until that person comes along. Most of them don't mean to be hurtful. I have several male friends who have all told me the same. The problem is that women think and behave differently. The majority of us don't want casual sex or no strings flings but men often do until the real thing comes along.
It took me a long time to accept this but I have now. We are different, that's all. I know there are some real sods out there but MOST guys aren't. As women we expect them to think like us and they just don't. Therefore, it's up to us to 'hold out' if we don't want to feel that we have been used. Sounds old fashioned but there you go. Sounds like some of you have had real nightmares which is awful and I don't want to trivialise that. I'm also sure there are guys who don't want short casual flings especially if they are over 35.
I just find that accepting that men and women are DIFFERENT and not looking at the opposite sex as the enemy has helped meet some great people and develop lovely friendships.

Posted by: Louise at June 25, 2007 11:47 AM

Nothing like a cuppa tea and reading the new blogs. It has fast become more enlightening and entertaining than reading profiles! Time to add my 5 cents worth.

I met my last partner of over 5 years on here. He was, I thought, the man of my dreams. He was often aloof, always interesting but some things bugged the hell out of me, like why did I have to drive to him if we wanted to see each other? Drive I did - because he was "worth it" (yes blinded by love). We gradually introduced our kids into the mix, all worked wonderfully well.

After a couple of years he talked about "moving in" together - okay I'm hearing you and loving this idea. I kept hearing 'next winter', 'next winter' (he hated lifting heavy things during summer). Call me stupid, but this did sound alarm bells - putting it off. We had a couple of arguments over 5 years - just two I think - over this. Finally late last year he found a rental property right near my house (my side of town). Huge big house, enough room for us all and we moved in. It was perfect......yeah right. He didn't lift a finger, my daughter and I cooked, cleaned and kept house, shopped and even mowed the yard. Keeping in mind I've helped raise his son, taken care of him on holidays etc. You see..the point is - I was blinded by love and not thinking straight. Stupid me!

One night, the man of my dreams and I were talking about the "m" word...marriage. The following week he physically abused me in front of my two children and traumatised them beyond belief. He snapped for no real reason. I thought I knew this person. Five years and no explanation either. He just blew. I packed up and got to hell out of there in a hurry and have not spoken to him since. He ruined my kids trust in "men". A week later I get an email from him telling me we had to split up because he couldn't risk "losing his job" because of me. Me??? Wasn't me who shoved someone!!! Anyway turns out he is on bail for assaulting someone else at his work (he is a lawyer and should know better). Sad thing is - we all miss his son because he was part of our "family". Ah well...you live and learn - don't need to be a "3 monther" to get used now do you!

Posted by: EternalDreamer at June 25, 2007 9:55 AM

I'm wondering if women didn't start to send out the serious vibe at three months if the three monthers would keep hanging in there.
Just a thought!

Posted by: Wishingandhoping at June 25, 2007 9:47 AM

I have found one way to determine the type of relationship someone is after is to have a browse through one of the more adult orientated dating sites. It never ceases to amaze me how many men (and possibly women) claim to searching for a meaningful relationship on RSVP yet when I have dug a bit deeper I have found that they are pretty much after anything. Its easy to do a search as most don't even bother changing their username or photo, just make sure you find out fairly early on the general location that they live in as you need to browse by postcode to narrow down the search. Whilst I don't think casual relationships are always that bad it does save a lot of stress and heartache knowing where something is likely to lead before you've invested too much time and emotions on someone that is possibly just looking for a bit of fun.

Posted by: sassygirl10 at June 25, 2007 9:25 AM

What are the tell tell signs of a married man??

I am somewhat young and naive :(

And guys why would you do such a thing??

Posted by: 38citamsirahc at June 25, 2007 12:55 AM

Have we exhausted the subject yet ?? I feel we are all in agreement .. (girls anyway) .. that a lot of guys on here see RSVP as a smorgasboard and many dont even plan to sample for as long as 3 months. 'Just send out a lot of kisses and see what jumps out of the mix', seems to be the plan. I too wonder at the ammount of guys young enough to be my son sending me kisses. Please guys don't do that..I dont feel flattered.Would rather recieve a kiss from someone who has read my profile and genuinely wants to communicate, with a view to getting to know me. Sorely disillusioned here and about to give up .. would have done so already were it not my interest in the blogs that keeps me coming back for a look! I do enjoy this exchange of thoughts and views .. keep up the good work people!

Posted by: Naiad18 at June 24, 2007 5:20 PM

Wow I wouldn't mind a three monther...hell I wouldn't even mind a one monther... hehe jk

Just had a nice coffee date with a blogger.. great time chatting and drinking coffee. :)

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at June 24, 2007 3:05 PM

Lipstick Princess & Virginia
The man I thought I was talking to was 56, from Darwin, and a contractor engineer. I had several photo's of him. We were preparing to meet. He said he was working on the Schlumberger vessels in the Nortsea. He had 1 more week to go, he said. We would meet in Alice Springs in Australia. Then I got an e-mail that he was robbed in the street, ended up in hospital, had to block all his credit cards etc. Could I send him money for the flight. Stupid me did!
Next thing I know is that a letter from a "barrister" arrives stating that this man, who goes by the name of Chris Harley, has been caught at the airport of Lagos, Nigeria, with cocaine in his bag.
Then I knew it was a scam.
It didnt stop there though.
The scammer contacted me and confessed he was a 19 year old Nigerian.
So I have been sharing my life story with this creep for 3 months. He did a brilliant job, that must be said.

Posted by: at June 24, 2007 2:25 PM

Just a further note on the 3 monthers. I did go out with a 3 monther who thought he be my serial 3 monther. After he left me he went out with several women, all on the same basis and then thought he could come back to me for seconds. Ever the gullible type I thought we could see how it went and he did the same thing. Even had the audacity to have a third crack at it, but I wasn't getting conned this time. When I pointed out what I thought he was doing he was in total denial. The thing that should have alerted me in the first place was that he was always making excuses for not phoning and trying to change the parameters of the relationship. When he thought he had stepped over the mark he would give me presents!! At least there were some benefits.

Posted by: suzysure at June 24, 2007 10:06 AM

I have mostly meet lovely men on this site. I can't say they have been my ideal but they certainly have been pretty good. I have on occassion come into contact through kisses and email with some not so genuine fellows. I believe I am a good judge of character. I am a little older and maybe have that on my side but if you 'study' the profile - 'read between the lines' email, talk several times first, you can usually come up with at leat one fun date from the guy! The guys I have taken it really slowly with have been the ones that have stuck around - even if just as friends. I do believe all guys want intimacy on the first date and girls it's your job to make him contain his urges until another time! Goodluck - it really is fun. Not sure I'll meet my soul mate here but it is filling in the time nicely!

Posted by: Liberated Tiger at June 24, 2007 9:53 AM

Suzannev, how were u able to talk to him, ie, arrange to meet if he didnt exist? dont understand what you would get out of that? what are they scam-ing for?

Posted by: Lipstick Princess at June 24, 2007 8:58 AM

Like many of you on the blogs I'm actually getting more entertainment out of reading the blogs than perusing the profiles.
Yes riversong1 I've had several experiences of the 3 monthers. But I think I now have it sussed. The other side of the coin are the ones that fall in love immediately and want to be with you every waking moment because they can't live alone.
I met my partner on rsvp many years ago and we had just the right mix of time and independence. He was nothing like his profile (it was pretty brief anyway) or photo when we met, and it took several dates before we really clicked. What got me interested was the 2 weeks of amusing emails we shared before we met.
I've talked to others who've had great profiles but once you get them on the phone they can't help themselves. And I've politely declined any suggestion of coffee at that point.

I think if your gut instinct gives you even the slightest doubt after emailing and chatting by phone you should bail out.

Posted by: suzysure at June 24, 2007 8:49 AM

I have been on rsvp on and off for over a year and have to say that most of my meetings have been positive ones .The only complaint I have is being contacted by men who don't bother reading my profile..my age preference is stated clearly yet I still am being contacted by men young enough to be my son or look old enough to be my father. Having said that I have to add that RSVP is a great way to increase your social network and I would definitely recommend attending the RSVP functions that are organized.

Posted by: romanceme4ever at June 23, 2007 8:19 PM

Blog #4 for tonight. One for each topic. A personal goal for me. Life's sad for some isn't it!
I haven't had any bad experiences, but I must admit I'm becoming more cautious the more people I agree to meet. It recently occurred to me that I was doing exactly what I would warn my daughter not to do, and what my mother would have warned me not to do. However, I always arrange for someone to phone or text me about a half an hour after my meeting time, but I have been remiss in letting people know exactly where I will be. Food for thought, I don't think you can ever be too careful.

Posted by: TishB at June 23, 2007 7:44 PM

Wouldnt it be a great reference to add rsvp names to a list with comments from those that have had relationships with them. It would certainly be a list i would refer to! save me time and energy.
bit like the site 'dont date him'.
soon sort them out id reckon.

Posted by: The date police at June 23, 2007 4:22 PM

suzannev, can I ask what you mean by 'he didn't exist'? Do you mean you were chatting with someone who was pretending to be someone else? How did you find out?
Sounds like an awful experience.

Posted by: Virginia (not rsvp name) at June 23, 2007 2:36 PM

Wow CupidsArrow.... thanks for the lovely compliment.
The timing of your comment has some syncronicity..... XXX

Posted by: TrumansCat at June 23, 2007 2:03 PM

Recently I became involved in a LDR, things were cruising nicely, an articulate man, not short of a compliment...
Very quickly things progressed despite my attempts to slow it down.
Declarations were made.....we had yet to physically meet!
My thoughts were that this individual was 'in love with love'.... I pulled the plug with a call & couldn't articulate the reasons why, it JUST DIDN'T FEEL RIGHT.
And the more I think about it, mull over it, the less comfortable I am in having any kind of connection with him...
I may never know his level of sincerity.... but I do feel I did the right thing.

Posted by: warningwillrobinson at June 23, 2007 1:43 PM

Yes riversong1 and suzannev,i too have been victim of the 3 month curse,very thing was going quite well,til he said it was getting too serious and ran.
And Im Scams well not on this site but another i was talking to a supposed man for 3 months making plans to meet,until.....THis man im me and said he was a woman ewwww.I'd actually been talking to his wife for three months,and she said she was grooming me for a threesome.EWwwww.
And dated another guy for a couple of months than he called me and told me he found someone in the "real world".So as you can see my online dating hasn't been successful and yes riversong1 i'm one of those women that have been emotionally scarred by the guys that are players,think i might give dating the flick and be happy with my life without male complication.
I am a well adjusted,self confident person who is sick of the crap revengeful men throw at you.Goodluck everyone.

Posted by: sparklingfun07 at June 23, 2007 1:03 PM

Soulblonde, Riversong1, while I understand the "love being in love" phenomenon, I haven't actually experienced it first hand. Perhaps, as you surmise, it may primarily be a guy thing. I'll add something to the topic however which I HAVE experienced first hand on more than one occasion which is the dater who is actually quite happy with their life the way it is. I'm unsure how prevalent this is, but I've sat with someone quite lovely, discussing life, love, and the contents of Patiece underwear draw, with a growing awareness that here with me is a lovely woman who has been convinced by convention that she cannot be happy unless she finds a partner. Usually she is very happy in the space she finds herself, and really doesn't want to make room for anyone else, or make any compromises, or change her lifestyle to accomodate the changing dynamic which a man in her life would bring. She still puts herself out there however, because her friends say she should, (or some other reasons like not wanting to grow old alone). I have occasionally wondered if this is the girl equivalent.

Posted by: offthemerrygoround at June 23, 2007 8:49 AM

I was sucked into a 3 month long IM conversation with a man who turned out to not exsist! We were making plans to meet. He turned out to be a scam you wouldn't believe it. Should I put his "name" on this blog? His profile has been removed by RSVP now. You cannot start to understand how stupid I feel.
Anybody else out there with similar experience?

Posted by: suzannev at June 22, 2007 2:08 PM

This is not related to the subject matter at hand but I have been perusing over the blogs and I am very impressed with how articulate everybody is. Particularly you TrumansCat, you sound really lovely, caring and positive and you have a great talent for the written word, you should try your hand at professional writing! Clearly there are some amazing catches out there just waiting to be hooked and baited, well I'm not sure about that last word, but you get the gist! ;-) Good luck all you hopefuls.

Posted by: CupidsArrow at June 21, 2007 10:52 PM

Soulblonde, that's the wisest thing I've heard spoken here for a long time! Like you, I've fallen for that one - twice!

I'll probably get shot by the male bloggers for this, but for the benefit of the ladies, here goes:
From my experience and observation, there are many (not all, but quite a few) men (and some women too) out there that are not actually looking for anything "serious". Yes, they DO want intimacy (usually pretty intensely and quickly) but they want it "stress free" (they've been through the "heavy" "relationship" stuff and don't want to go there again). All goes well while things are light and happy (and physical of course) for the first couple of months. But once the other start to actually fall in love, it's all too "complicated", and they run (on to the next one).

As well as myself, I know several friends (two actually very badly bruised emotionally) by this exact scenario.

So be careful. As the title says: if it looks too good to be true, it probably is. Soulblond has the right idea - check the guy out and get to know him better. If he's a "3 monther" he won't hang around so long. If he's for real, he'll wait, and be happy to get to know you at a reasonable pace. I know this sounds old fashioned, but believe me, it's true.

Have any other Bloggers experienced this "3 month curse"?

Posted by: Riversong1 at June 21, 2007 8:56 PM

Where are all these wonderful people? I read and read, smile and read some more. What a breath of fresh air.

Opinions, anecdotes and advice; all on one page! All this time and i've never looked. I love all your comments!

I have had some disappointments, but i look at it this way, each time I learn something. Eventually I have to improve at what i'm doing don't you think?

I'm a person who doesn't have expectations of the person in the profile. It's just words; an introduction. A kiss is a handshake. What do we normally do when we meet someone and shake their hands? We either want more or not. I've been in singles groups that have the same sort of dynamic. I met a man there who I ended up with for a couple of months and he was a jekyl and hyde.

We expect so much for some reason. Why is that?

Posted by: erin1959 at June 21, 2007 8:52 PM

I would have to say I've met some lovely guys through here. Although my last experience was with a man who adored me right away, then dumped me after 2 months cos it wasn't the 'perfect' relatonship. I think you have to be wary of men that REALLY want to be in a relationship & are in love with 'being in love'
So now I'm going for the 'friends first' thing.

Posted by: soulblonde at June 21, 2007 5:33 PM

Yes, Cookbrekkyfor2, I have to agree that my approach is Kiss- email-phone calls- meeting. Maybe its just coincidence but when I first joined this site (6 months ago) this is what was happening for me, now I get a response from a kiss in email giving their personal email address and that?s basically where its ends and can I chat to them on MSN. The other person then only wants to converse by ?chat?. I don?t find this as useful as contact by email (as long as the emails aren?t too long and full on) and would be interested to know what others think. Of course have had profiles that when I?ve challenged them on their photo (ie one person said it was an old photo and he was updating it ? he said he was updating it months before I read the profile but it looked like it was from the 80?s) their profile has just disappeared. If you have a gut instinct ask and most of the time from personal experience this freaks the other person out.

Posted by: Bruiser1976 at June 20, 2007 10:13 PM

If it's too good to be true.... I have just had the opposite:
In the last 48 hrs I have come to realise just how wrong an interpretation of a person's profile can be.
The profile I viewed was interpreted by me as showing a person who was still living their childhood through their children, lacked a reasonable education (degree) and therefore whose communication skills would be dull at best.

I then read some of her comments on the blogs and another side started to present itself, though it wasn't obvious due to preconception of her profile.

Meanwhile I contacted others, at their request, and kept getting the cold shoulder. A sort of 'come in.... now go away!'
In frustration I contacted this person not sure if I would receive the ususal - 'get lost!'
Instead I found a person who is eloquent, polite but firm, intelligent, can back her arguments with relevant examples, and keeps me interested in talking to her.

How wrong can a person's first perception be and how hard is it to change that initial perception. It is a real eye opener! Guys, if you want to find out about a lady, contact them, especially if they blog - profiles only provide a snapshot, and not a very reliable one.

A profile is like a ProductDisclosureStatement, to find out more read the blogs... aka papers etc

Posted by: dlad54 at June 20, 2007 12:25 PM

I must be luckier than most. I've only come across one creep but like I say on my profile have actually made some great friends through the site. I now have some great male friends I would never have had if it wasn't through this site, friends who have helped and supported me when my property settlement was finally going through, friends who have supported me when I've been feeling down and thinking I'll never find Mr Right. Although I know these guys are not the 'Mr Right' I still love having them in my life as a friend. I take everything I read with a grain of salt and take a long time deciding whether I will correspond with or go out with anyone.

Posted by: sue4you at June 19, 2007 9:32 PM

dingblue: of course there has to be some mystery.. isn't it a shame that some want it revealed all at once. Part of the fun is that of discovery. ... So?? should we now refer to you as a man of mystery?

Posted by: shybutperky at June 19, 2007 8:45 PM

I think the blog is becoming my favourite part of RSVP .. perhaps because here I have a say .. not just sit waiting for the right person, or for things to "happen when they are meant to" .. I have practically given up on sending kisses as rejection is too hard to take when it seems to be the only response I get nowadays .. but yet a better one than no response at all. Ive been using RSVP sporadicaly since an ex put my profile on here 6 years ago when he found someone who (in his words) could better enhance his lifestyle. She had money and her own home and a good paying prestigious job.Funnily enough I'm still in his mobile phone & he "accidentally" phones me from time to time. His reasoning for puting my profile on RSVP was that I was" a damn fine woman going to waste". Sadly still going to waste here as (if I'm lucky) I might have one real connection a year now .. dates dwindle as I get older .. but I still stick with the tried and true formula of email first then phone then meet. Those not wanting to patiently follow this routine soon disappear so they weed themselves out.
As for the uniform .. the one man I met from here last year was a Riverboat Captain .. and while being smart enough not to put himself in uniform in photo("thought it might bring unwanted attention") he was a little too full of himself when in it. We have managed to remain friends .. distantly .. email now and then .. he's met somone who constantly tells him he is a "Hunk" in his uniform(Can't believe he told me that LOL) Life is strange .. and yes I too wonder what Aliens would think of we Earthlings were they to tap inot our RSVP Profiles :)

Posted by: Naiad18 at June 19, 2007 12:16 PM

Dingblue..I really do know about the uniform thing..I was in the Navy for 4 years... how do you think I met my first husband?? And like I said..clothes do not make a man...I stand by that!!

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at June 19, 2007 10:33 AM

Patience - oh no, not the uniform thing again. I have been asked to wear my damn uniform to the first coffee date. No way, please I love my job (well my life actually) and am extremely proud of serving this wonderful country. But just once I would like to meet someone who would like to see me out of uniform (lol).

Suzie, oh dear what can I say, there are good and bad people in every profession. Yes some wear the uniform, some become the uniform. I would like to think I have made a happy medium between the two extremes.

shybutperky - of course there is more to me, there is no way I could fit in everything in 1800 characters lol To me a profile is a short introduction to someone, there must be some mystery left to be revealed at all the appropriate times lol

Posted by: dingblue at June 18, 2007 6:51 PM

I just looked at my profile again, mmmm, i notice that my "interests" were in Caps, and the "ideal partner" section also in Caps, ohh dear, I must not be the "real thing :-s even worse, I have little to state about myself. What a disappointment i must be to some.

To the point, so what if a profile is in Caps, or someone has troubles articulating about themselves, not everyone can or wants to spruik about how great they are. That doesn't make them any worse than other.

ok be safe and go via instinct and have someone who can bail you out if necessary, I do that too, but don't give anyone the short shrift if they choose not to elaborate on things on line. Maybe it could be fun finding out the little likes and dislikes by getting to know each other instead of reading them.

Posted by: Sonn at June 18, 2007 5:56 PM

shybutperky...
Loved your blog.
"Profiles are not always dishonest, sometimes it's in how we read them that makes a difference too, two different people can read the same thing and get a different interpretation..."

Occasionally we react to what we consider an individual's dishonesty, more often than not it is our expectations/ideals that have been out of sync with that individual's perception of themselves.
Remembering this I think, can take the sting of disappointment (& for some, bitterness) out of the experience.

Riversong1... point well taken, I will do my best to be more mindful & discerning from now on.

Posted by: TrumansCat at June 18, 2007 1:24 PM

Dating/ reading profiles is a little like unwrapping a wonderful gift. The paper is magnificant and look at all that ribbon, someones gone to a lot of trouble to make those bows and twirls look just right.
If the outside looks this good, I can't imagine how great the inside will be.
It's all window dressing, don't get me wrong I love a well wrapped gift but it's the thought that counts and so with profiles it's the intent that counts.
I agree with the email, phone call, meeting principle and I meet sooner rather than later, can't see the need to drag things on, so much can be hidden behind an email and a phone conversation. It's much easier to know if someone can communicate face to face and read body language when they are.
In saying that I also have a friend who knows where I am and with who, and if she or her husband hasn't heard from me in an hour they will text or phone.
Profiles are not always dishonest, sometimes it's in how we read them that makes a difference too, two different people can read the same thing and get a different interpretation, but as in life it's very much a case of buyer beware.

I think it's with age, experience and maturity that we learn to be more discerning. We tend to be more honest with ourselves and not accept behaviours that perhaps we might have when we were younger. In younger years it's easier to gloss over the too good to be true, but I think with wisdom we know you can't make a silk purse from a sows ear.

on a different note: DingBlue I bet there's more to you that you aren't telling us in your profile ;)

Posted by: shybutperky at June 18, 2007 10:36 AM

Oh Patience noooo not men in uniform..I married two ..one navy and other airforce... Its just a uniform...a piece of clothing does not make a man. I learnt that the hard way! :-)

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at June 18, 2007 9:51 AM

Dingblue...there is nothing like a man in uniform.

That alone gives you a great advantage over most men!

I always think it is best to write what I want to write in my profile and not what someone else tells me to write. Otherwise it is not really 'me'

Posted by: patience at June 17, 2007 9:27 PM

Suzy, the same can be said for some of the women on here, not all players are from the male side of the species.

Posted by: dingblue at June 17, 2007 8:27 PM

Well I have only had one good dating experience this year and he and I are just friends now. Which is good. And I do the kiss email, phone..and then meet (which has only happened twice) stuff..still didn't help me in my experience. You never expect to meet a married man. Now I have to say I am more cautious then ever with physically meeting someone and wanting anyone to get close to me.

I mean how can you ever really know anyone? Its impossible, unless you can get inside their head. Any secrets they have, could very well remain a secret. I am determined not to get sucked in again. But then could it possibly be that you can get too cautious and end up not meeting anyone at all or acusing someone of doing something that the didn't really do just because of an own insecurity? hmm just a thought!

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at June 17, 2007 8:00 PM

I thnk the trick to not getting sucked in, is to be laid back and not desperate to find someone. I'm a great believer in things happening when they are meant to. I've found that those times when I've been desperate for someone to go out with, I've generally finished up with someone less than ideal. It's at those times I tend to make excuses for the not so good profiles.
When I've been casually browsing and not too fussed, I tend to be way more discerning in my choice of profiles and meet much nicer people.
Given that, I still think that we all need to be extra wary of any man that won't give you any info about himself during the emails and follow up phone calls. I've pulled the plug on meeting men who were evasive or overly critical of their past relationships on the phone.

Posted by: suzysure(not rsvp name) at June 17, 2007 5:02 PM

I've been deceived by a false profile. How silly did it make me feel??????
Very, very, very silly!!!!!
The person sure was too good to be true. She looked years younger than her age and seemed to know me already. I was reeled in, hook, line and sinker!!!!!
Would someone do this to get back at you? Who knows but I felt like the biggest idiot.

Posted by: at June 17, 2007 4:54 PM

This blog is for "You don't only get fooled by strangers."
I am very sorry for your loss, losing a partner of so many years can create devastation...

And in no way am I being flippant here but I wonder if you considered the other side of that coin?
Sure you had a relationship with a creepie, shattered your trust. ...
BUT then you met a man who you lived with for 26 years & by your reckoning was "lovely"..
he rebuilt your trust in humanity.. you met a lovely man then chances are it could happen again.
Look for that.

Posted by: TrumansCat at June 17, 2007 3:12 PM

TrumansCat, I wasn't implying you were naive, just added the need to be discerning, as well as positive. I wasn't referring to men lurking in dark alleys, but commenting the sweetalking charming ones.
I married a "prince charming" second time around, but as the title of this blog says - if it seems too good to be true, it probably is! (pity he couldn't turn off his charms towards other women after we made the vows!)(By the way, he's met someone on RSVP and is engaged again now :)

Posted by: Riversong1 at June 17, 2007 1:52 PM

In another blog i ran through my way of meeting Kiss- email-phone calls- meeting.

I find this a perfect way of not only getting to know someone a little, but also it has the ability to trip them up if they might have deviated from the truth during that time. (The truth will out) Having a memory and the ability to recognize crap goes a long way to playing it safe.

I have even gone so far as to let a friend of mine look at a profile i was wondering about, and he works for the fraud dept of the commonwealth govt and he told me that it read like a fairystory. He was right it was , and now she is gone.

Posted by: cookbrekkyfor2 at June 17, 2007 1:42 PM

I have a confession to make, one so sordid and out of character for a person on an internet dating site: I read all of a profile. Yes, even though I am a male, I actually read what is written. I am also totally honest in my profile, so much so I actually have recent pics of me (not of someone else) shown.

Okay, enough about me (lol), I have been on this site for quite a while and can now judge profiles pretty well. Consider this scenario: a visitor from some far off planet only access to the inhabitants of this planet is via RSVP. What would he/she/it gleam from these little snapshots of humanity. Well probably that everyone loves walking along the beach hand in hand; everyone is honest and demands honesty in return; 80% of the population regularly go to the gym and actually enjoy it; everyone loves pets; most hate Hollywood movies and only go to the ‘real’ movies make in some foreign language; 95% of the population loves watching DVD’s on the sofa with that someone special and everyone’s music tastes are eclectic.

Here are some warning signs I look for when perusing a profile:

- the description does not mate the profile photo in any way shape or form.
- they state non-smoker yet are holding a cigarette in their pictures
- you look at the photo, you read the profile and they state they enjoy camping, fishing and roughing it – sure you do (lol)
- they mention that they expect to be pampered – does that mean they expect you to shower them with gifts, buy them a car, or just give them your credit card?
- profiles written in all uppercase, all lowercase, in SMS talk, bad spelling, or just too brief – shows that little or no thought has been used when creating said profile.

As I mentioned at the beginning of this little muse, my profile is honest. Having said that, I have been ‘told’ that I should not mention I am a single father, I should not mention I am in the military, I should not mention I live in two areas (read my profile for explanation). I just can’t do that, to me that is creating a precedent that will only cause angst once I meet someone. To me, forewarned is forearmed, if you can’t be honest in a profile, how can you be honest in real life? Why leave gaps in a profile, if you don’t read, say that! There should be no field left unanswered because a profile is your way of advertising yourself. I don’t care how gorgeous the photo is, if the rest of the profile is lacking I am immediately suspicious and will just go on to the next profile.

P.S. Yes I did notice the irony of some of my comments, but dammit I actually do enjoy watching DVD’s on the sofa lmao

Posted by: dingblue at June 17, 2007 12:01 PM

Odd....I don't lie on my profile, but I don't think my dates have ever lied to me either. I have heard shocking stories from both sexes. Generally horror dates from girls, and horror marriages from guys.

I don't say I love going to the gym (because I go to keep fit, not out of a love to do repetitive, strenuous activity). Nor do I say I like sunsets (boring) or that I drink red wine (which I do, but why is the colour of my plonk more noteworthy than the colour of my toothbrush?).

I have an aversion to boasting about myself, and by playing too carefully I perhaps am attracting less kisses than from others. Mind you, at least I won't have to keep up a story that I am a Nobel prize winning surgeon when I meet the girl of my dreams.

Posted by: Kransky at June 17, 2007 1:03 AM

You don't only get fooled by strangers. I married my brother's school friend. He seemed like a lovely decent man at the time. It was some years before I realized that he was a Peeping Tom and had some other deviate antisocial behaviours. The wife is always the last to know. Needless to say the marriage soon ended and I spent the next 26 years with a lovely man. I am now tainted by my two experiences how can I replace the man that I recently lost without unknowingly getting another man like the first man that I had.

Posted by: at June 16, 2007 8:22 PM

I agree with all said.....You just have to trust your instincts thats basicaslly it i think...Thats why on my profile i said that pics only show our outside not whats in. Alot are true profiles but you can usually pick the bad one if you take the time to read them not just go on looks of person...Hopefully though all of us will meet that special person on here that is genuine & the one but we have to go through the good..bad & just ahhhh to get them...lol

Posted by: MICHELLE1963 at June 16, 2007 7:24 PM

I always read profiles with the intention of believing half - just to be on the safe side. I'll only ever met someone after talking to them both online and then on the phone - and never will I give home contact details early on. Maybe I'm over cautious but better to be safe than sorry.

My sister and I have used the "call me in 30 minutes" idea, has gotten her out of a couple of dodgy dates so that's a good one to try.

When your date is pushing you and wanting to get in too deep too quick (one did that after the first dinner date!), back up and take a good hard look - do you want to compromise your beliefs and values just to keep him interested???

Just use common sense, I know we are all prone to losing it in the initial meeting of someone new and exciting, but in reality it's the safest way to go!

Posted by: EternalDreamer at June 16, 2007 12:05 PM

Riversong1 & Naiad18.... in no shape or form am I naive ( & I know you weren't suggesting that).
Many years ago when the world saw Australia differently (..wistful sigh..), I travelled through China, Mongolia & Russia by my big brave self.
I felt safe the majority of the time, however I had my antennae up ALL the time.
And in Russia I carried a can of mace (legal there) in my pocket all the time.
I did attract a stalker in St Petersburg at one stage, he followed me for some time, I hid behind a great big column in a bustling metro & loudly told him "to piss off".

In this world I have an excellent bullshit meter even in regards to myself.

Posted by: TrumansCat at June 16, 2007 10:07 AM

Maybe second?
I agree TrumsCat - it's important to stay positive and not give energy to negativity.

But there's more too... in my experience, as well as attracting good and decent people, trust and goodness attracts pretenders too, who seek to take advantage of it. It's important to learn to use one's intuition and discernment to tell between the two.

Not everything is always as it seems - good behaviour for the first few months is easy. It's only as you get to know someone that you see beneath the surface who they really are. Photos, profiles... all good, but only small glimpes that just give a starting clue.

It's not negative to be cautious in bestowing trust and slow in opening up to strangers - just simple self-preservation!

Posted by: Riversong1 at June 15, 2007 8:56 PM

I've actually seen a profile of a guy using a celebrity's photo and its taken from a movie poster! I believe that the photo probably got approved because, though well-known in Asia, this celebrity is virtually unheard of here in Australia. Gee... the things people do...

Posted by: fearofphobia at June 15, 2007 7:43 PM

I agree Trumans .. so very hard to not become cynical and to trust in the good in human nature .. which seems oh so hard to find. People often come accross as "Too good to be true" .. The times when I have emailed , chatted on the phone and then ultimately met someone .. have offered up more disappointments than successes .. which is why I'm still here! Not I might add because I'm too hard to please ... But the safety issue ? Well other than taking the time to talk first via email and then on phone then meet .. in a safe neutral territory .. in public. Even having the back up of a friend who calls a half hour in to the meet to ask "Are you OK?" Even then, no matter what precautions are taken .. sometimes people are just so darn good at keeping the worst till last. It took me 3 months to arrive at the realisation that one guy I was dating was in fact an alchoholic ... he hid it so well at first, but the facade kept getting harder for him to maintain! In the end I beat a hasty retreat.

Posted by: Naiad18 at June 15, 2007 7:24 PM

recieved a text message from friend asking me to "ring now". He was in the midst of a horror blind date. When I called he jibbered on with a one sided conversation, then hung up. I was clueless, till he rang and explained. We've discussed using a 30min call after a meeting time for blind date, but neither of us has actually organised one as yet.

Posted by: dayan at June 15, 2007 6:21 PM

I'm in first! Yippee!

This is a trick... how to maintain my trust in humanity & find the intrinsic good whilst having an awareness that some not very nice people exist out there? The reality I choose is to not give it energy (how new age-y is that?), to know that I attract good & decent people.

Posted by: TrumansCat at June 15, 2007 3:17 PM