RSVP Blog

Be polite and don't be mean to others, remember karma has a way of coming back on you. Don't dump anyone, just let them know that your relationship, in it's present form, isn't working out.
Bye for now.

Posted by: woodnwine at September 14, 2007 11:17 AM

i got the silent dump after driving 3000km non stop on a healthy diet of no-doze and red bull to tell this person how i truly felt about them. found out later that while i was driving (being woken up by those bumpy reflectors on the road) that this person sought physical comfort from a mate of mine. oh well, i just think that this person has bad taste in partners because i'm better than that!

Posted by: crazynotinlove at September 13, 2007 10:33 PM

There are some short sighted people around here.

Those that want the woman to do the emailing and the ringing.

Really!

Think about it. She steadfastly maintains that she will not under any circumstances initiate contact whether by email or phone.

I say to that. Thank God.

It means that I am not going to be pestered when it's time to have a break.

She's not going to ring 10 days a time and demand "where the hell are you you creep". Means I don't have to trot out 1001 lame excuses.

Now to come up for air.

Posted by: Thank You For NOT Ringing, I Really Mean It at September 13, 2007 2:55 PM

Dumping someone by text or email is wrong - period. In my view, the mere fact that this makes a blog topic in today's society is repugnant. Just because the technologoy exists, it doesn't make it right. Whether your male or female, have the fortitude to respect youself and the other person and end the relationship personally.

Posted by: beyond2007 at September 11, 2007 7:23 PM

Technology is here, whether we like it or not and new ways of communicating add a different dimension to life. I'm probably double the age of most people here but I text all over the world...use instant messaging...Skype..phone..computer...whatever comes to hand. When someone doesn't want to stay in touch whether from a relationship or just a penpal then I appreciate hearing from them in any way. maybe they are too nervous to talk...BUT if there is just silence I get really cranky and maybe they are lucky they don't hear what I say about them. Just ill mannered cowards and not worth even spending time thinking about.

Posted by: jayemtee at September 11, 2007 6:36 PM

Seems that anyone who does that doesnt have a clue to what constiutues a relationship in the first place.
It appears that some people like having a remote control for your relationship, on - off etc anytime they feel like ...
It's a well observed phenomena that the more advanced the technology gets, the dumber the user becomes.
What ever happened to giving and sharing ?

Posted by: Pussincowboyboots at September 11, 2007 2:48 PM

moveingforward 2007After seeing somebody for 3 mths and getting dumped by silence i can understand you just dont know what went wrong . so to those of you who enjoying playing games with people s hearts KARMA fixes all if not in this life time but in the next .They say what goes around comes around

Posted by: outamycomfortzone at September 11, 2007 1:08 PM

I can’t sleep and so have been reading through the blogs…

Padwan Learner…read your exchange with Yseult and have to weigh in…dude it’s really obvious what happened (and by the way, don’t post something and then tell people to butt out, if you want something to be personal, don’t post on a blog)

Anyway, odds are she blocked you (why she disappeared) because you freaked her out.

Apologizing for a possible mis-understanding, telling her she could call you and that you wanted to hear back from her today is creepy. Sorry, but it screams NEEDY and desperate from a mile away. If you didn’t hear from her for 3-4 days then you send her an email and ask how her day was. If you don’t get a response, you move on. Period. You don’t offer to chat on the phone, you don’t apologize, you don’t try and open a chat session. You showed her that you cared way too much about the situation (your long posts recounting every thrust and parry of what happened shows you’ve played it over in your head dozens of times) and she bolted.

Medster…great post!…

Look4aSuperhero….army guy wasn’t interested….period…it’s “It’s not you, it’s me”…he was just trying to be nice….and frankly, pretty much everyone is going to “dump” somebody electronically if they haven’t met…

Roseleigh…guys are really simple…if he was really into you…he’d have taken his profile down…women don’t seem to get this…when a man shows he doesn’t care, it means he doesn’t care not that he’s deep, introverted, playing games, mysterious or anything else…we make effort when somebody matters and we want to spend lots of time with you…if a guy has his profile up…he’s got one eye out the door when something “better” comes along…

My thoughts in general…

“Dumping” implies a relationship and, generally, exclusivity/intimacy…If we haven’t been intimate, I am going to end it via email or text. I don’t want to deal with an awkward phone call to a woman I have seen three times. If you are that attached to me after two dates, there is something wrong.

If you are in an actual relationship, then an actual discussion is something a grown-up would do. Unfortunately, too many people out there think like grade schoolers.

Dating is harsh. I have had every conceivable horrible thing happen to me on this site. I have paid to reply to kisses and had women never log on again or remove their profile. I had a woman stand me up. Great dates that mysteriously didn’t lead to a 2nd. Etc..etc…

You have two options. Dwell on people who don’t give a crap about you or move on and look to the next person with optimism. I wish all my ex’s happy wonderful lives and spend exactly zero time thinking about them. I worry about my own life and what tomorrow holds.

Posted by: timeforbed at September 11, 2007 1:27 AM

yseult at July 21:

I agree with you 100% that there should be a way we can report innapropriate and predatory behaviour by members on this site.

I have only had contact with one member of RSVP, and, although the few short weeks that I was seeing this man were absolutely delightful, the weeks since I last saw him have left me feeling humiliated and foolish.

On the second date he told me that he had a job offer which would take him to remote areas intersate where he would have no phone or internet access. I encouraged him to make the decision that was right for him, he decided to take the job. We continued to see each other for the next few weeks and by the time he was to "leave" I had become quite emphatuated with him. My understanding was that we were together and that we would continue our relationship once he returned. There was no talk of seeing other people, he told me that there were only Kangaroos and Emus where he would be. After a few weeks, missing him and wanting just to see his face, I logged on to RSVP to view his profile and picture, to find that he was on line (no internet access???). Not wanting to doubt this man that I had come to care about I tried to ignore the evidence before me until a friend sent him an RSVP kiss and received a reply that he was interested and was awaiting her email.(She won't be wasting her stamps)

I don't think that I am the first to be told this story (I might be the first to not say "lets not continue seeing each other") and I will probably not be last.

Needless to say I am gutted and would like to be able to save other people the humilitation and hurt that I am feeling now.

To all of you that have been "dumped" via SMS or e-mail, at least the person had the courtesy of telling you (regardless of how rude they were) that it is over and you can now move on. I know I can move on too, however, my man is expecting that I will be awaiting his return, who is the most gullible, him or me??

I have only briefly skimmed the blogs in this topic but there does seem to be quite a bit of suspect behaviour going on and it would be great if there were a forum where we could express any genuine concerns about the intentions and actions of RSVP members.

Afterall, there are sites where these sleezy types can meet and mistreat each other.

Posted by: leelee29 at September 11, 2007 12:37 AM

I'm not sure why everyone is getting so tied up about the ending via phone business. I was under the impression some people, and guys have said this to me, would prefer on the basis of a shorter relationship to have it ended by phone so they don't have to face the person as the conversation is happening and can chose to end the call.

I have to empathise with the hand-holder story. Had an incident like that myself where told the guy straight out not to hold my hand, pulled it away from him on a number of occasions, this persisted over a few dates, and then ultimately he asked what was wrong with me. Now I suppose I could have stuck a fork in his groin in a public place but as I chose not to humiliate him, speaking clearly (and not being heard) was the only option left to someone trying to exercise comon "courtesty".

Um excuse me, so why does somebody who has refused to respect physical boundaries, trying to lay the guilt trip on to boot deserve the "decent" face-to-face let down? to give him another opportunity not to respect those boundaries?

Besides, dating is about figuring out whether someone else is right for you, isn't it better for someone to end it with a stunning lack of flair but before it goes on for too long than to let it go on for a long time for fear of hurting the other person's feelings or doing the heart to heart? You know, cruel to be kind.

Silence is worse than no text, after all, the best answer after yes in this context is probably no, however it is delivered.

Posted by: Cecilia at September 10, 2007 11:40 PM

yes searching74. Same thing has just happened to me. Would rather be told 'we're not compatible' than just ignored. You know who you are!!!

Posted by: scozzielass1 at September 10, 2007 9:53 PM

it would be nice just to be told anyway then to be left 'hanging' as they say, phone or email at least you know

Posted by: searching74 at September 10, 2007 8:55 PM

Mishka - Lucky for you that you found out! What a nightmare! I forget sometimes that I'm dealing with "the real world" when I'm on here, and that people are sometimes not what they seem!

I once broke up with someone via the phone. That person was a very angry and spiteful person towards me at the time, so I took the safe option. I regretted it for ages but came to terms with it eventually, because as I discovered here on rsvp, being dumped over the phone is still preferable to being - as someone else put it - "dumped by silence". If you want feel truly gutted, that's the one to experience.

Posted by: movingforward2007 at September 10, 2007 5:40 PM

anonymous Sept1 2.15pm - Well done! Good for you! Excellent attitude! You become the winner with an attitude like that, anger just makes you .... angry. Bitterness just makes you ..... bitter. Cherish the memories not the disappointment.

Posted by: woodnwine at September 7, 2007 10:32 AM

I think that people should let you know what they want and not give the silent treatment, I agree a text is a total cop out and a cowardly act and I don't wish it on anyone? but wouldn't you prefer to know where you stood rather than not know at all what went wrong? That happend to me recently and it was hurtful cause I really liked him. There was no closure

Posted by: sassaysoz at September 7, 2007 9:40 AM

I think it's just the age we live in these days that makes it more acceptable to use these mediums to communicate and yes sometimes even dump! However in my humble opinion, I do not believe it is right to dump someone you have been seeing (in person) for quite a while through txt or email, its better to have a phone call or face to face chat. On the other hand, if it is RSVP dating, you've had no or only a few dates, I think its perfectly okay to send a small email explaining why you don't think it's going to work, it's much more polite than receiving total silence. But each to their own, as long as there is dating there will be jerks (male and female) who act in certain ways that totally confuse us all, rather they do us a favour by ending it :)

Posted by: KittyKimmy at September 5, 2007 6:37 AM

Haha... I've just learned something funny. Apparently not everyone carries their mobile phone around with them. I seem to want people to reply to my sms messages straight away, because I ALWAYS have my phone with me, when in fact, that is a little too obsessive. Aahh, technology gives us all an excuse to act like asses. :)

Posted by: somegirl at September 1, 2007 8:55 PM

Ooohhh it always hurts, I had the text dump a few weeks ago.. after 6 weeks of the most blissfull love-affair, daily phone calls sweet nothing texts a couple of times a day, spending every weekend together and 3 or 4 nights through the week....... meeting his friends, being part of his 8 year old daughter's life.... I was completely in love, being treated like I've never been before...

And then, totaly out of the blue... a text..

I do realise that he couldn't face hurting me, I know his feelings were genuine, albiet confused..

I freaked out for a week, but restrained myself from sending an indignant, bitter reply, after a week I thought, "I am NOT going to let this callous and cowardly method of dumping ruin the most divine memory"

So I sent him a text telling him just that, that he had meant allot to me, and treated me so well (apart from the final text!), and thankyou, I will hold the memory dear to me FOREVER!

Of course the issues are with him, and texting maybe makes it easier, but if he wasn't ready, then thank god he told me, rather than let it slide on for months ..years, and just becoming more distant, less loving, even resentful.... At least this way I have the perfect memory.....

It still hurts though!

Posted by: .......:( at September 1, 2007 2:15 PM

I thinks its amazing how guys claim ownership over us sometimes once we have swapped a few emails or chats. I mean...why should i have to write back the same day or the odd one's start sending emails and chats saying ''what did i do wrong, what happend, why arent you writing back''...gimme a break, i've got a life. Same goes for guys who send kisses way out of their league...i mean sometimes people are just being nice and saying that they like the profile or the pic, but some guys are kiss stalkers and you dont even get time to send a thanks but no thanks response and they already sent another one. Sometimes when i've been swapping emails and something doesnt seem right i dont want to tell the guy that i think he's strange but geeez if you tell them in the end why you stopped writing or if you dont want to keep the contact you still get emails...either begging me to write or telling me off for not letting themknow sooner that i dont ring them.
HINTS:: some of us don't hang over our PCs waiting for email
... and some of us go out ....and have fun even if we have an online profile
... and some of us think maybe we met someone nice but are real busy with work or life and dont write back to all our emails the same day...then the nextday we get a really creepy needy apologetic email or a grumpy one telling us that they are worried or annoyed or worse because they were waiting for hours for a reply. What really gets me is when i'm chatting to people i havent even met yet and then get into trouble from them when i'm busy in another chat with someone else the next day...and get told off for not answering.

Posted by: clare77 at August 29, 2007 2:14 AM

I'm amazed at how many times I have been bawled out by men who have sent me nasty emails or wimpy emails because I didn't write back to them the same day after we have already exchanged a few emails already. One guy even sent another email the next day to tell me that they are never going to write to me again if I didn't reply in the next few hours. Some of us have lives and don't sit around waiting for emails.

Posted by: mellie at August 28, 2007 7:16 PM

Posted by: brightspark at August 26, 2007 8:20 PM

You are right, these sorts of communication aids just help emotionally retarded men from avoiding their emotions.

Yes, I was dumped by email and Yes, it hurt like hell.

At the time I thought I would die, but I have learnt to deal with the fact that I was dating an emotionally retarded twerp, and that he was and is not capable of anything more.

I hope he just leads a very unhappy life because of the way he treated me.

Posted by: Over it again and again. at August 28, 2007 3:41 PM

Hey mishka (August 25, 2007 4:22 PM) I don't think that what you did was over the top (OTT). At least you had some gut instinct which caused you to seek further information. Additionally, he may have stopped contact because he knew that he couldn't 'get to you' as he did with other 'prey'.

Good that you are back on the blogs at least and hoping that you get to enjoy the new experiences. I have met some really weird women who I didn't see after the first date but it hasn't stopped me from making some great friends with others who have decided mutually that we couldn't be partners but have increased my social circles. I think the main idea is to learn from our experiences and to climb back on the horse and make the best of it if we can.

FiBi ... you've got it right. Some people have great expectations from a kiss. Anyone whose feelings are hurt from lack of response to a kiss have issues anyway.

Posted by: Medster at August 27, 2007 11:50 AM

How can someone be dumped if they are not in a relationship? Fair enough if you meet someone a few times and talked to them regularly on the telephone, in which case expectations may be building as we get to know the other person and become more interested in them.

Then there is "obsessive relational intrusion" which is an extreme form of contact when one party expresses little or no interest in the other party.

Unfortunately, some people read more into a 'relationship' than there really is, purely based on IM or emails, with the expectation of their feelings being reciprocated. If their contact is not receiprocated to the same extent, the obsessive nature of some individuals kicks in.

In short, relationships require a mutual desire for a relationship. Some individuals read more into the swapping of a few chats or emails than others. Meeting, talking with, going out with someone a few times would lead one to think that there was a possibility of a relationship and understandibly feelings may be hurt if contact is suddenly disrupted. However, one could hardly consider oneself to have been "dumped" after a few chats and emails unless one has read too much into the possibilities of interaction with another person; one is desperately seeking approval based on ones acceptance by others; one has obsessive characteristics demonstrated by expectation of continuity of contact based on chats and emails, or lack thereof within the timeframe of a few hours of days.

Online dating is a great opportunity to also take a look at ourselves based on how others react to us. It is hurtful when people do not contact others after some extended contact (meeting, dating, intimacy), but if we find ourselves expecting contact from someone who has not reciprocated it or we are thinking too much about someone we have not yet met ~ it's time to take a good hard look at our own behaviour.

Those who don't respond to initial emails after initiating interest are just rude, but think of the time and effort saved.

Those who dump their partners (when in an out-in-the-real-world realtionship) are usually just avoidant souls who can't face you because they can't face their own guilt, or seeing another person's feelings hurt ~ you have to feel sorry for their inadequacies too.

Posted by: Medster at August 27, 2007 11:08 AM

Yes recently I was dumped via text, or lack of texts really! the silent treatment and my texts actually ignored by someone I was seeing on rsvp who I adored actually & thought was going along wonderfully. He didnt respond to any of my generally nice good morning, hello and other lovely polite texts for over one week until I finally got through via phone and just after he did send a "dumping me" type text! Didnt have the heart or courage to dump me face to face, We are all worth at least that common courtesy! Not good!

Posted by: amsweetnpetite at August 27, 2007 7:44 AM

I've had a thought. Is it possible that regardless of whether it comes as a text message, email, phone call or in person, if a person is rude, the brush off will involve rudeness. Technology may just give assholes an easy way of avoiding situations they find difficult. Cowardice...you think?

Posted by: brightspark at August 26, 2007 8:20 PM

I have been back on this site for only a few days but these blogs are a lot more fun than scrolling through profiles. I thought I was a clued up girl but reading some of these experiences makes me realise my one wasn't as bad as I thought. My first ever rsvp contact was a head spin. We made initial contact, then email, the phone, finally meet. Had a nice date, got no bad vibes. Then after a week talking, he disappears. Profile deleted, wont answer phone, email. What the heck is going on? Anyway at the time I had a contact who was able to help me out with a criminal history check, yes I know OTT, but you had to be there...Two hours later knew everything I needed to know, he was married, kids, lived in a different place to where I was led to believe, but worst of all, he had criminal convictions of a "serious sexual with violence nature" ! The legalities prevented me from knowing what these were exactly but I shudder to think. I think of it as my good fortune that I did'nt go beyond the 2 dates and it gave me a timely reminder that sometimes all is not as it seems. After only 5 days I have taken my profile off, but will continue to be fascinated by the wonderfully articulate comments posted thus far

Posted by: mishka at August 25, 2007 4:22 PM

Hi, like many of you, I'm on here to chat to people who'd I'd not have 'met' but for this medium (RSVP).. however, here's my conundrum: you keep silent in response to a 'kiss', then you're considered to be rude and hurtful; you respond with a courteous kiss w/o any comment, and then you're leading the person on?.. or encouraging them? So, either way, you're perceived to be hurting someone's feelings!.. What does one do? You're damned if you do and damned if you dont.

Posted by: FiBi at August 25, 2007 2:18 AM

Hi, like many of you, I'm on here to chat to people who'd I'd not have 'met' but for this medium (RSVP).. however, here's my conundrum: you keep silent in response to a 'kiss', then you're considered to be rude and hurtful; you respond with a courteous kiss w/o any comment, and then you're leading the person on?.. or encouraging them? So, either way, you're perceived to be hurting someone's feelings!.. You're damned if you do and damned if you dont.

Posted by: FiBi at August 25, 2007 2:17 AM

Posted by: yseult at August 24, 2007 12:39 AM
Your [over]reaction is a perfect example of the point of my post of August 21, 2007 7:46 AM.
'Calm down' was the advice.
Actually my "overreaction" was to your intimations about my behaviour and NOT to anything LIQ may have done or not done. I get that there was some kind of issue whatever it was. Whatever you are "perceiving" is all in your mind.
BTW the only reason there are 2 post replies is because I didn't think the first one registered.

'Calm down' was the advice??
Geez Yseult nowhere in your post did I read those particular words while you were attacking my character and "worrying about my behaviour" and now you "perceive something from my posts".
All I did is explain my actions yet you still don't get it do you..I've moved forward now a week on from LIQ & so it's a dead issue. Your comments & "advice" don't help because I didn't ask for it and it only makes it worse so please BUTT OUT & leave it alone please.

Posted by: Padwan Learner (not RSVP name) at August 25, 2007 2:16 AM

Hmmmmm...deja-vu...seems there are planty of these guys out there...commitma-phoebs!
Emotional retards! At least when we girls feel that special energy is not there. we end it as nicely as possible and with real communication!

Posted by: Angel at August 24, 2007 9:17 PM

Posted by: Padwan Learner (not RSVP name) at August 21, 2007 10:12 PM

Posted by: Padwan Learner (not RSVP name) at August 22, 2007 10:07 PM

Your [over]reaction is a perfect example of the point of my post of August 21, 2007 7:46 AM.

Posted by: Padwan Learner (not RSVP name) at August 18, 2007 11:42 PM: "I'll take that hint to be that there IS some kind of issue..goodness knows what... as our contact was rather minimal".

'Calm down' was the advice. You did not and still don't see the issue, even though it has now been pointed it out to you. Your posts would indicate that the lady in question saw in your contact with her - what I perceive from your posts. My point of view was objective as I know neither you nor her. Take it or leave it, it's a blog.

Posted by: yseult at August 24, 2007 12:39 AM

Ah Obi-wan yseult...how could I have been so blind??? Of course I get it now...you are stating the bleeding obvious.."she doesn't want contact with me" duh!! I had already worked that one out but maybe you should be on "The Einstein factor" with the "bleeding obvious" as your category of choice. It's amazing and offensive how you have turned my innocuous blog entry about an not uncommon RSVP experience into something "sinister" and thus tarring me with the brush of "stalker".
IF you insist on "giving advice" or responding to a blog entry it might pay you to at least READ the blog you are responding you.

Also why are YOU so worried about MY behaviour..you don't know the situation nor do you actually understand what happened obviously because didn't really read what I had written. My last sentence reads in that blog "Time to move on I suppose" which I've actually done. You write in your entry "I don't know why she didn't respond to you, but there are two sides to each story. From what you have written about your attempts to contact her, I think I understand her behaviour". Amazing how you can understand it when you weren't even there involved in my chat with "lady in question" (LIQ) or our email conversations nor do you know who LIQ is or who even I am. Are you blessed with blinding perception or can you read minds too?
For the record..not that it's your business anyway..but in the interests of repairing the tarnish you have put on this whole thing..I HAVE NOT attempted to contact LIQ since then despite HER giving me her email address nor do I intend to do so. Her address & emails were since deleted. Nor did I give or offer my phone number to her despite "your interpretation of events",.
But regarding "my persistent attempts at contact" let me clue you in to my whole line of thinking. On the Friday I received her positive kiss reply. When we were chatting & emailing and it went silent, she had previously mentioned having had a long busy day at work with more to come the day after plus there was a problem at her end receiving my IM's during chat here at RSVP..(it can be notoriously slow for slome reason). I took the sudden silence to be either (a) a PC problem at her end or (b) gone to bed being tired. The option to reply was always hers. 24 hours (Saturday) later there was no reply though I also knew she had a busy day working that day. All this time I'm giving benefit of the doubt to her. I saw her on chat here. I thought the first decline was another IM issue at her end so asked asked a 2nd time for chat remembering her IM receiving issues from the night b4. It was only when she declined twice that I realised there was some other issue so I asked the REASONABLE question of "is there a problem"?
No response..I gave up. Pure and simple. I USUALLY make a habit of treating people with the respect I expect in return and also believe in giving benefit of the doubt. It will probably bug me not knowing what the problem was with LIQ. It would help to know if only to avoid making a similar mistake (if any) in the future. "Feedback" is handy in those situations. Sorry to all other fellow bloggers for boring the pants off you but I was steamed...I don't expect to be attacked for posting an innocent blog..BTW Yseult...I am NOT your mate.
Now..deep breath..serenity now..serenity now...:)

Posted by: Padwan Learner (not RSVP name) at August 22, 2007 10:07 PM

Firstly Yseult, I don't want to get into any kind of slangingmatch here. However you certainly have got it wrong on a couple of fronts. For one thing she responded with a POSITIVE kiss reply saying 'she was interested and is looking forward to your email' . 1 stamp later I was in the process of emailing her here when she popped up on chat. You have no idea of the "nature of the conversation" I was having with lady in question which for the record was quite pleasant. However after supplying her personal email address to me we continued in that way.
I DIDN'T give her my number nor was it offered.. I did say I would offer it to her IF SHE requested it &/or supplied her own and in fact that last comment was in the original unreplied to email anyway.
The nature of how our chats & couple of emails were going was that basically they were just "background information" about each of us..nothing else. It didn't get "deep". I took her later silence to my email & the next night here to mean "she's no longer interested". However IF there was a problem somewhere in something I said or did or a misunderstanding (again I CAN'T think what it could have been) it would have at least been polite or good manners to say what it was.
The across the board problem I've seen here is a common one...lack of response to kisses & emails or people that string one along after a postive response to a kiss..this has happened to me 3 times now in about 2 weeks. I'm not the first to "complain" about it and by the look of things I won't be the last, but with all due respect Yseult, regardless, there's really no excuse for bad manners in the form of silence that keeps one hanging after "a promising start".
For the record as it is I've not engaged in any further contact with the lady in question despite having had her personal email address and in fact have deleted it from my email address book. I can't & won't contact her unless she chose to do so first.

Hardly 'worrying behaviour' Yseult.

I don't stalk people.. I just treat people with the kind of respect I expect to be treated with in return.

Posted by: Padwan Learner (not RSVP name) at August 21, 2007 10:12 PM

I have only been on RSVP a short time and reading some of these blogs is a bit concerning.

Personally I think telling the person via txt or e-mail that it is over is rude, so too is ignoring someone after making contact and asking to talk. Can see both sides of the arguement though as people with concerning behaviour/stalking tendancies can make it difficult to allow someone to actually end the relationship what ever stage it is at and feel safe- especially if you dont really know the person.
I now have got a bit of an insight as to what goes on on this sight and why my husband left me- i think he may be the Melbourne guys twin! lol. I have had to endure an entire property settlement and seperation via txt and e-mail and expect the divorce to be the same as he wont talk to me. Find it funny(and pathetic) that he stands in front of me to hand the kids over and then I get a txt message 5 mins later. his phone bill I suppose. I wish him all the luck in the world with the younger model he ran off with.(found on the internet)

To all-Good luck in finding that someone special!

Posted by: honestdiamond at August 21, 2007 9:11 PM

well it makes my stomach churn reading all your experiences . but then its nothing new to me. the internet and technology makes it more easier to come across the creeps out there. believe me seen this in chat and dating land. sometimes you can easierly see it sometimes not. married men arnt allowed to have profiles on rsvp its part of rsvps policy just report them to customer care. someone mentioned having a site on here to warn people of the creeps nice idea but could be opened to abuse. something needs to be done best thing is to trust ur gut reaction to a person anything that they do or say that dosent seem right normally isnt right .1 strike ur out

Posted by: at August 21, 2007 2:19 PM

Posted by: Padwan Learner (not RSVP name) at August 18, 2007 11:42 PM

I don't understand what it is that you don't understand. She doesm't want to communicate with you. You weren't in a relationship, you exchanged a few emails and chatted a bit...

So let me get this straight:

1.You "sent her an empathic email sort of apologising for any "misunderstanding" and that I was hoping to hear from her today by return email" - what for? ..unless there was a misunderstanding and therein lies your answer.

2. You also gave her your number so that she could call.

3. You attempted to chat with her not once - but TWICE?? and were "ignored".

4. You sent an email "noting her declining my chats politely asking if there was a problem" the same night.

5. Now you are asking what's wrong with her behaviour?

Mate, it is your behaviour that is worrying me. People do have lives outside of dating sites and online chat. People use their computers for shopping, banking, work. The automatic login feature has caught me off guard a few times when I opened up my computer to work at home and found RSVP chat screens popping up at me when I was banking. She is perfectly entitled to respond if and when she feels like it and to as many people as she wishes. She does not HAVE TO reply to you in any way or form, it may be more polite to do so - but unless you know what is going on in her life, I really think that you should give some slack because your numerous attempts to contact her are bordering on very worrying behaviour.

Sometimes it may be worth looking at ones individual behaviour for the reasons behind how others do or don't respond.

I don't know why she didn't respond to you, but there are two sides to each story. From what you have written about your attempts to contact her, I think I understand her behaviour.

Posted by: yseult at August 21, 2007 7:46 AM

And the madness continues... went on a date friday. He got drunk and called his sister to pick us up because he couldn't drive. Today I got the dump by email. Like I had any plans to see him again... Roseleigh, I must not have two functioning eyes because I only ever seem to spot losers. What the hell am I missing??

Posted by: somgirl at August 20, 2007 6:48 PM

Oh EarlWyoming such a jaded post.......

Posted by: auntykaz at August 19, 2007 9:16 PM

Hello everyone, I am horrified at but grateful to have read your digital experiences. It seems that the digital age brings with it more opportunities for creeps to hide behind a persona and do what they do always, be incensere, lie and deceive wonderful people who trust in goodness and truth.

I hope I am spared from meeting any of these e-creeps, i meet enough of them in 'real' life.

Cheers, Fibi

Posted by: FiBi at August 19, 2007 1:13 PM

Well I've had the strange and unpleasant experience of being apparently dumped without being told I was. After receiving a positive response to a kiss from a lady, I requested & she consented to a chat here on RSVP. After a pleasant but slow little while she wanted to go to email & gave me her addresss so i said cool. 2 or 3 emails later back & forward there was sudden silence (something I said..not sure?) I sent her an empathic email sort of apologising for any "misunderstanding" and that I was hoping to hear from her today by return email and she could ring me to talk if she wanted my number..her call. I still had had no reply of any kind tonight but while I was online she popped up on chat here tonight and she twice quickly ignored my request for a chat. I sent an email noting her declining my chats politely asking if there was a problem. I turned PC off & watched telly with my son. It's pushing midnight now and as yet there's is still no reply. Also now her profile is suddenly no longer visible. I'll take that hint to be that there IS some kind of issue..goodness knows what... as our contact was rather minimal..but I wish she would at least reply and tell me what it is.
Time to move I suppose

Posted by: Padwan Learner (not RSVP name) at August 18, 2007 11:42 PM

Somegirl,
Sorry to hear you had the same experience...and yes my date had also posted a better pic...AND added new details while i was in his bed....you would think we had more sense...well i have learened the hard way as im sure you have, keep one open for the players, but also keep the other eye out for a decent guy, im sure there still around...somewhere.
And thank you YSEULT for your good advise...have taken it on board...lol. And good luck to all the other genuine guys and girls.

Posted by: roseleigh at August 17, 2007 7:02 PM

"learninglots" 12th August.

in my humble opinion...you still have a lot to learn.

Posted by: at August 17, 2007 12:52 PM

Dumping in the digital age - sending a kiss to someone, receiving their reply that they want to hear from you, sending them an email then silence. Does that mean I'm dumped?

Posted by: woodnwine at August 17, 2007 11:00 AM

Roseleigh:
that sounds SO much like a guy i was seeing, except he NEVER took his profile down, in fact, he posted a new photo of himself whle i was still IN his bed...

Posted by: somegirl at August 16, 2007 6:31 PM

For "notelling",

No, the "Melbourne" man (who really lives in Sydney) isn't Indian or in IT.

He's a solicitor, blue eyes and brown hair.

He puts two cities on his profile, with Melbourne as the one which will appear in searches, as he's probably run out of women to fool in Synday. Plus he's been kicked off RSVP in the past, but keeps reappearing with a new profile name, a new city,.... same old same old. Just a loser who cheats on his wife and likes to live his life on the internet, through emails and text.

He's on RSVP right now... looking for someone to sharpen is pencil. What a creep - get a home number and be be suspicious of anyone who doesn't call in the evening, but is able to find the time to text and email. If someone is geniune they will find the time to call you! And not just from the car on their way home (which is what the "Melbourne man" used to do, as obviously he couldn't phone me from his home, in case his WIFE heard the conversation!)

The "Melbourne guy" used to email me late at night and tell me how he was working late at the office - until I did an ISP tracer search on his emails and worked out they were coming from the same ISP code as the emails he sent from home. So, when I found out he was married, it all made sense. The lying scum was really typing away his pathetic emails whilst at home with his wife, (which is why he couldn't call me), and getting away with it by telling me he was busy working late at the office.

In hindsight I wish I had just followed the scumbag home after the first meeting. Then I would have known from the start that he was lying to me and was still married and living with his wife. I know it sounds extreme, but so is being lied to and conned by a married man who is just out for a fling. Especially when many of us here on RSVP are single and genuine about meeting someone - there is no excuse for a married person to lie and con geniune people.

Posted by: LaBelleAme at August 16, 2007 9:54 AM

Heh, I was asked for a divorce via sms. So i acquiesced.

If you're not strong enough to face me with the bad news, then obviously, you do not belong in my life.

Dont let the door hit you on the ass on the way out.

Posted by: DownwardSpiral - not rsvp name at August 15, 2007 11:07 PM

Posted by: roseleigh at August 15, 2007 12:24 AM

Good on you girl ..and YES you did the right thing. If anyone is seriously into you, they shouldn't be messing around on dating sites.

It's no consolation to you that it happens a lot, but my advice would be to check back on the dating site once you have considered 'getting intimate'. If anyone is considering more than just play time, their profile will be hidden or totally removed.

I hope you will be luckier with the next guy.

Posted by: yseult at August 15, 2007 10:57 PM

Hello I have a recent story to add to this list.
This one is a "CLASSIC".
I had been chatting, talking, texting with a great guy through RSVP or (I thought he was). Anyway we seemed to click straight away.
He's in the Army and he had to go on exercise, down south (melbourne way) for around a month, so initially we were not able to meet straight away...okay fair enough!

Anyway after many weeks of infrequent but quality mutual contact either via phone, text etc... He phoned me on the Sunday night after arriving back home.
Our conversation was postive etc... and we both agreed that we wanted to meet asap and see how things went. I knew he was going overseas on a 6 month assignment towards the end of year but he still stated that he was "looking forward to meeting" etc... etc... So the first date/meeting was arranged for the following Tuesday night, (ONLY 2 NIGHTS LATER) all I had to do was text or call him with the meeting place details on the Monday night.
Well well well you could have knocked me down with a feather when at 16:30 hours (army time) on the Monday afternoon I received a "TEXT" message saying that HE had a "good" day and that he had decided that he wasn't going to meet anyone from the net until he came back from overseas!!!!.

After reading that message, I was so stunned and I could not believe that he was not even willing to meet me first before taking that decision, let alone just call me in person to tell me what he was thinking!!!

Poor form I say....backing out via text

BUT Interestingly enough HIS profile is STILL visible on RSVP.

So my question in all this is "Why not remove your profile if you don't have enough guts to meet anyone on the site"???

Posted by: Look4aSuperhero at August 15, 2007 1:15 PM

Would like to hear your feelings on this scenario!!.
I met a guy on rsvp....he seemed great, we had fun together and both seemed to enjoy each others company. His profile stated he was looking for relationship and love. After being together for about 2 months, I realized his profile was still on, so I got a friend to send him a wink, he responded wishing to meet her!!!. I asked him if he was seeing other ppl...he said no, ...by this time I cared for him alot. After 3 months, his profile was still up so (by phone , i dumped him)....he asked WHY? we are getting on so well...why are you dumping me????? And only THEN offered to take it off.....to late I said! What do you think?
Was i right to dump him????

Posted by: roseleigh at August 15, 2007 12:24 AM

I was once told by a girl that if we lived together for three months, she would be entitled to half my property.

Well that was her perception of the law.

It would have been best to dump her just before the three month mark to save further hassles.

And as most of you girls know the property law provisions of the Family Law Act and your local de facto spouse provisions off verbatim, you can check for yourself the accuracy of her perceptions.

BY about 3 months anyway, it probably would have been time for a change of bed linen.

Posted by: EarlWyoming at August 14, 2007 8:22 AM

hi labelleame

read ur comment abt this melbourne guy
if he is the same person you are reffering to,,,girl i fee sorry for you as much as for myself..i fell in love with this creep online, and his plans for a beautiful future and a passionate loving r/ship for us
pls tell me,,is this guy indian/srilankan aussie?
or maybe then he lies about that too! ha!
like u i wondered how he says he has an important IT position and a biz to run, when he was emailing , sms, ph calls to me all the time for many many months, im not from aus....so couldnt really tell how many others he got sucked in
and yes, after him, Absolutely! i will not talk to anybody now if they cant provide a home number
cheers

Posted by: notelling at August 13, 2007 9:29 AM

Great advice from 'labellame' to get home phone number and call it I would like to refer to this as being wise n savvy on line dating ( I am fairly new to this ) but find it interesting and of course I am wary to some degree but there seems to be an air of suspiciousness...I hope I don't become like that if I do I will be moving off. So for both genders use ALL your senses to guage the possibilities of further interest from him/her AND of course ask yourself whether your interest is real and honest. Dating at anytime is hopefully only one part of your life and one also hopefully understands the knowledge that it is life experiences you are having and involved in.....and they come in all shapes and sizes, some sad, some awesome, some ordinary etc. then perhaps one has learned not to place so much attention on that part of your life and instead create a balanced life...where if it doesn't work a rejection will disappoint but not shatter you....

To 'justagirl2' may i take this opportunity to point to what I noticed is key in your experience.You enjoyed a dinner with a lovely guy etc he had a great time and said he would be in touch...now** Here is the mistake you and many women make (including myself)** he said he would be in touch... A few days later YOU text him...... WHY on earth can't we trust that he will call WHEN HE IS READY..and respect his word. Do you see how quickly you have shown him you don't respect him and you want to control the outcome....This is a HUGE mistake in my opinion.

Men take longer to process experiences than we women....we need to learn to wait and slow down but mostly respect that he said he would call so let him!!!! ....what's the hurry...if he had such a great time he will be back believe me, he will want more of the pleasure he felt when with you...AND secondly I reckon men are "built" to be the hunters/pursuers so what is wrong with the "ladies" behaving like ladies (ladies teach men how to be gentlemen)... and allowing time and the natural process to occur...

In my experience this understanding works in my favour and his. Wow that feels better..thanks for space to share rsvp and best wishes to all rsvpers... this is a much needed forum

Posted by: learninglots at August 12, 2007 1:18 PM

Seems that most men I have come across are eager to 'kiss ' but hesitant to pursue... my last date from RSVP involved dinner with a lovely guy that kept me laughing and smiling all night... I thanked him and told him I loooked forward to seeing him again, he indicated that he had a great time and would be in touch. A few days later I text him, to which I got no reply for a day. Then I text him again, this time got a reply saying he'd been hectic at work!! then we spoke that night on the phone, and planned our next dinner date. However, a week passed with no contact whatsoever, so I text him again but never received a reply, not even one saying thanks but no thanks. To me this is the height of rudeness - stringing someone along and not even bothering to tell them that you are no longer interested. Girl's beware!! this seems to be the way it is

Posted by: justagirl2 at August 9, 2007 9:49 PM

For "stayawayfromlosers" and others who posted on 7 and 8 July..have just read what you had to say about the Melbourne man, who seems to appear in this blog a fair bit.

I went thru the exact same thing too. Spoke with his wife, she admitted he was on RSVP playing games and having affairs, and also showed RSVP emails and proof from him admitting he was married and unfaithful.

He is GREAT at carrying on a surreal relationship, through emails and sms. Seems to thrive on the whole thing. Long, emotional emails detailing every aspect of future lives together and sms after sms ad nauseum. I wonder how he manages to hold down his job when he spends so much of the day texting wild fantasies about his new life.

The poor wife confirmed he has a "love addiction".

Just think - if it weren't for this age of technology when we can just begin or end a relationship without ever leaving our chairs, we would never have to put up with married creeps like that.

At least he was stupid enough to put both Sydney and Melbourned suburbs on his profile now. Kind of makes him easy to identify.

To everyone dating online - GET A HOME PHONE NUMBER and call it. I don't even bother anymore with people who don't have a home phone, sad but true, I automatically believe they are sus.

Posted by: labelleame at August 9, 2007 8:31 PM

so you guys out there what does it mean when you get a txt message when they tell u to f**** off. that shows no repect and they only wanted you for that thing they call sex. he didnt care about u at all huh! now i have recently found a guy through rsvp and hes a lovely man but he does quite do it for me .i hope that we can stay friends but i know that wont happen when another female comes along.so i hope i dont have to go through the txting again .whats wrong have i done something be up front guys and let us know how you feel its an easier option .i hate txting. you like to see them face to face and then you know by the look on their face.

Posted by: dizblon at August 8, 2007 11:53 AM

Isn't it funny how modern technology takes the pressure off personal contact? We just seem to be so conditioned by it, it's no wonder many people now take the easy way out. But people should be kind and respectful of others' feelings.
jens8ional - people are conditioned to avoid eye contact - text messages, teller machines, drive throughs, emails.
getmeoffrsvp - good to hear you have bounced back and wishing you luck too.

Posted by: woodnwine at August 7, 2007 1:52 PM

Well i got dumped by email today and well i was pretty suprised how two short sentences could be so cold.My profile on here is pretty straight forward perhaps i should add no players thanks.Met a nice man had a great first date,he initated holding hands,slow dancing,cuddles,he even kissed me on my forehead.(read my profile fellow rsvps he did his homework)He gently hinted crashing at my house(are you all screaming PLAYER???? yet)
I nicely put him off with a sweet farewell and his promise he will be in touch.Jump on RSVP with the nice good luck email and sorry but no chemistry.Was that no chemistry before or after the no do you think?My first thought was to give up all hope of ever finding a gentleman but no i know there are some good hearts out there,unfortunately i got kissed by the wrong rsvper.Warning ladies he is out there in rsvp land.Its never nice to be dumped like that but look at it in a positive light.Dumping by email or txt is just plain bad manners and even more so shows no class.Good luck to all !
Getmeoffrsvp

Posted by: getmeoffrsvp at August 6, 2007 10:31 PM

After 2 years, I was dumped via instant messenger - telling me he'd met someone else. 8 months later I received an email apologising for how he treated me. I suggested we meet up to talk things over. He refused so obviously his apology meant nothing except to make himself feel better. Why are people so gutless?? Is everyone really that afraid of eye contact?

Posted by: jens8ional at August 6, 2007 2:45 PM

Hmmmmmm....we've all been dumped. Texting it is very un-fun. I had one guy dump me several times in one week. I never learn. Oh, my favourite was a midnight dumping with a msg (i had msgd something sweet hours before) that read "its nice you think of me. I think of you too, but I dont think we should be a part of each others future...".
Im a bit sick of those types. :(

Posted by: timemeimreal at August 5, 2007 7:47 PM

I wish I had discovered this blog a few weeks ago...

Like many of the fellow bloggers here, I have recently been dumped via...you guesed it, RSVP! He was a beautiful man, 9 years older who I thought would know what he wanted in life and wouldn't play mind games. Things were amazing until I had a little something telling me to be cautious. On this particular day, my gut was churning and I felt sick in the stomach, next thing you know I found myself logged onto RSVP and low and behold, his profile was back online for all to read with "moving to Syd." I can't tell you how devastated I was!!

Despite being hurt, I'm glad we met. As I'm so busy working full time and running two businesses, he taught me to stop and smell the roses. I'm glad to say I've now taken the time to reinvent myself; I'm back at the gym looking after myself physically, mentally and spiritually. Although my heart is a little bruised, I'm looking forward to seeing what's around the corner.

To all the lovely ladies who may read this, we are extremely lucky to be blessed with "woman's intuition", please trust your gut feeling as I doubt you'll find a time when it's wrong!!

Good luck to everyone out there, may we all find love and happiness :)

Posted by: loumagoo at August 5, 2007 3:49 PM

StillHurt (not my RSVP name) at July 30, 2007 1:28 PM....

He (or she, whoever does such a thing, not relegated to one sex, for the benefit of the super vigillant) is no longer worthy of your attention or the committment to the pain....
To feel such pain after six years must be devastating for you.... please do yourself a favour & move on from it. Not necessarily easy but sometimes what is required is a conscious decision to let it go.
Hope you can do this for yourself.

Posted by: TrumansCat at August 4, 2007 4:46 PM

Well i did the whole email, then txt, then talk procedure...finally met; i liked him, he said he liked me...we talked a heap more times, he promised 2 call...then NOTHING: not a call, not a txt, not even an email...just absolutely nothing.
Rude. Gutless. Hurtful.
Please think about the effects your actions have on genuine, honest people...

Posted by: longnlean at August 3, 2007 11:02 PM

hi " stayawayfromlosers "
yes this guy was in sydney too, he travels there all the time ???
and said to me he was divorced, he had me totally sucked in !
lucky for me im not in Aus, and we had a long-dist r/ship, but man o man all his sweet-talks, all those promises and love he had for me, i still get upset, its been a while but i went into depression and was /stil am very bitter, i just want to see him get strung-along by some smartarse melb girl now and i want to laugh in his face, that and only that will make me smile again
i wonder if we (you and i) can organise a hot chick and get her onto him, just so we can call him and say 'what goes around comes around mate !"
tell me who you are, send me a message or something, also ...is this guy indian aussie?

Posted by: not telling at August 3, 2007 9:53 PM

Being dumped by txt msg is so gutless and pathetic. I was dumped by txt msg after 6 months, after i had to msg her to find out what was going on.

If your going to end it at least have the decency to do it the right way

Posted by: dge_05 at August 3, 2007 4:28 PM

Haven't had experience dumped per-SMS or Email. Never like text or email in relationship as they do not have emotion, feeling,tone and facial expression. If you are in RSVP, its goal not just merely to txt,email or phone but to connect to each other and it can only be done meeting face to face.Dump others via txt or email just show how immature, insecure,unhappy and gutless you are. You want to have it easy and simple as you are terrified to face the truth ( vital for personal growth) and obviously you are not a good one. Act bravely with dignity and we will feel better about ourselves.

Posted by: orient at August 3, 2007 1:48 PM

I don't care what the circumstance, a gentleman or a lady should have the courage to face the other person and explain why the relationship is to end. Everybody on RSVP spouts on about how they are intouch with their emotions and what a "nice" person they are. Hoo har! If you feel that you can't face the other person because of the potential for problems; fine, that's acceptable. If you just decide that you don't give a rat's any more, and take the easy way out, you're a coward! Simple!

Posted by: Phillby1 at August 2, 2007 6:49 PM

For all those of you disheartened souls dumped by SMS no one likes to be dumped especially not in such a disrespectful way. I can but imagine the feelings of rejection, but you need to look further than your bruised feelings and realize they might actually have done u a favour, by saving you wasting any more time on what is obviously a very callous person. Actions speak way louder than words, and as a person with a somewhat shaky intuition, I am a great believer in getting to know people by not so much as what they say, rather what they do.

Posted by: Scarlettt at August 2, 2007 6:18 PM

And just one more thing, i hear a lot about refferance to mind games, i believe a lot of woman do it just to see how many guys they can string alongFor those woman that do it"men have feelings too

Posted by: niceguylookinga at August 2, 2007 2:09 PM

hey, i think it has a lot to do with how your parents bought you up, in the old days you had respect for other peoples feelings,today, anything you say or do seems to be accepted, wether right or wrong

Posted by: niceguylookinga at August 2, 2007 2:06 PM

I had a boyfriend end a relationship on MSN with me at about 1 am. I suppose I should have expected it considering he asked me out in an email...

Posted by: j2130 at August 1, 2007 6:49 PM

I think the technology thing has gotten out of hand to a certain extent.

Everyone seems to rely on texting and emails. The biggest issue is "what if it doesn't get there" and also in writing things can be taken WAY out of context, where as face to face or in a phone call the same comment or joke will be taken as it's meant.

Dumping another person via text is rude and gutless in my opinion. If your not happy, then tell the person, yeah they'll probably be upset or try to talk you out of your decision, but if your making the call, then you should be big enough to give them a reason.

Posted by: RichB79 at August 1, 2007 11:44 AM

all this talk about rudeness ...........and of course none of you are, right?

Posted by: hohoho at July 31, 2007 1:14 AM

In relation to use of SMS: I have come across a couple of guys who have used SMS to ask for and/or cancel dates.

Common decency is to use the bl**dy telephone to call, not to send SMS messages. If someone doesn't have the guts to call for a date or to cancel it (with a decent explanation too), I suspect that they would be equally gutless in their use of SMS to discontinue contact....and then we have those real charmers who just do The Disappearing Act (don't answer calls, SMS, email after you have been seeing them regularly).

Really, all it takes is one short call... eg: "Hi ummm ...Sandra/Sam! I ...ummm don't really know how to tell you this but I met someone else I'm more interested in so I won't be in contact any more...uuuuuuum, bye".

1. She/he won't wait around for a couple of weeks wondering if you are going to call or if something has happened to you
2. They'll get over it faster thinking that you weren't worth it anyway 3. Your conscience will probably feel better in the long run.

Basically, we should end something in a manner that we would find acceptable too....and I suspect that most people would appreciate a phone call - even with an accompanying lame or valid reason.

Posted by: yseult at July 30, 2007 11:39 PM

Posted by: sicumrex at July 28, 2007 12:28 AM

..thanks for your condolences! Life goes on - and so far, so good.

Posted by: yseult at July 30, 2007 11:34 PM

The love of my life dumped me by email after two years of professing undying love. It came out of left field and no reason was given For the next 12 months, apart from just about dying from the pain and being treated for depression, I didnt sleep -- replaying every nanosecond of our relationship searching for clues. I felt I must have missed something very obvious. I ended up in counselling. At the end of the day, I had to accept that there were no clues, no reason, no logic. Two years later after he had returned to his wife (he was separated when we met), he put it right back on me saying that he thought that I would leave him and he would have no-one (I have a professional career) whereas his wife was totally dependent and could not leave him. I thought that was totally pathetic and regardless, did not excuse his actions of dumping me with an email. His excuse for that was he loved me too much and could not do it in person!!!!!!!!!!

Six years later, I still cry when I think of it.,

Posted by: StillHurt (not my RSVP name) at July 30, 2007 1:28 PM

I have used telephone and email, usually I copy the meduim used by the man. So if he asks me for a 2nd date via an email, I say no thanks the same way back. I have used Text once, as that was the way that particular guy contcated me in that encounter! Have to admit that email and text are very easy to manage.

It is a lot harder to say no via the phone or in person, but if I don't feel safe it will be the phone. In person is mostly for the people that I have been closer to and is the hardest of all...but what doesn't kill us makes us stronger and better people!!!!!right???

Posted by: junebaby57 at July 30, 2007 12:52 PM

I have not been dumped by text, just no more comunication, do not take my calls etc. I would never dump a lady by text, it is a total lack of respect for the person and thier feelings.

Posted by: countryboy54 at July 29, 2007 9:10 PM

hey there..
I have ended associations via txt and emails, I don't consider 1 date a commitment therefore I see no harm in it, it has happened to me too, also, it doesn't take long to figure out that I won't be dating them twice (they are usually way older than their pic is) but I have HUGE problems with face to face, I don't know them well enough to know how they will react, I'm sure they can tell though, only once I was very blatent about the pic he had posted, I was cheesed off, and still he was surprised when I txted him saying thanks but no thanks.. I see no harm in it versus a scene in a coffee shop or restaurant... pass

Jude

Posted by: theshorteststraw at July 28, 2007 10:17 PM

There mainly (seem) to be ladies here so from a guys perspective see what you think of this;
1. If you date a guy and he is polite, repectful etc and gave you no cause to complain other than not your type then a phone call or polite email should be fine.
2. If he's a bit of a sleaze but appears mostly harmless then an assertive but polite email or text is more than enough.
3. If he's a bottom dweller and you felt/feel physically unsafe either during or after your date then a text message is prob more than he deserves. Email if you're the extremely polite type.

I'm not trying to give you rules to live by, just food for thought and as I said, from a male viewpoint.

Posted by: Haggisattack at July 28, 2007 5:14 PM

I have just finished writing a"goodbye" email to a man I have been seeing for nearly three months. Am I a coward? No. There have been serious issues that have grown to the point that I have tried to raise them with him but each time I have been put down and not allowed to express my opinion in any shape or form.In short ,verbal agression has been his form of communication. Call me a coward or what you like but I am not willing to be subjected to another verbal outburst by a man who believes communicating is shouting and drowning his partner's opinion out.
Technology has its downfalls but it sure does help in difficult situations such as the one I have been in!

Posted by: romanceme4ever at July 28, 2007 4:01 PM

I feel that texting or emails are a cowards way out. If you don't have feelings for someone or you wish to stop dating them they still deserve to be respected.

Posted by: Gussing at July 28, 2007 11:58 AM

Hello yseult or should I say o hell. I just read your blog in disbelief. You sure landed yourself with a beauty there. I bet you can do with out knowing what you would have missed out on, one can only imagine if one wishes to go there. Frankly i wouldn't. What a piece of work he turned out to be. My sincere condolences to you. Better luck next time.

Posted by: sicumrex at July 28, 2007 12:28 AM

Can't see what all the fuss's about.
Text, Email, Phone, are all fine by me, allthough texting it onto the big screen at Fed Square, is probably a bit over the top!
Didn't see it coming? Maybe A wasn't for effort.Want to have a go at rescueing? Probably left it too late.
Saw it coming? No harm done
Want to have the last word? Do so.
I tell my daughters to use text and email, i feel it's safer.
Everybody hurts sometime

Posted by: muso at July 26, 2007 10:53 AM

Hi All,

We are all meeting people whom we dont know, so why have any real expectations about them? I often wonder why, if we are all so great, are we here in the first place.

To avoid all of the issues cited above, maybe we need to read between the lines. Remember also, most psychotics are attractive, normal looking people.

On the subject of dumping by email or text, dumping is dumping - either way you are still dumped!!

Posted by: notgodsgift at July 25, 2007 4:41 PM

Fortease,

A sensible man!

You are absolutely right! I don't know if you saw my earlier postings but I feel nice emails are fine for ending something after only a few dates, and safer for a woman. The gut feelings are all important in the early stages and sometimes it's hard to say exactly why it's not working.

Having said that, I still much prefer an email, as one can say a lot more and put it together carefully. Sms doesn't allow that and is too short and blunt to show any real consideration for the other person.

I sympathise with those who have had someone cut and run during the date, although it's never happened to me. Even if I know it's not working after 5 minutes, I will continue to enjoy that cup of coffee or meal as after all, we are all human beings. Exceptions to this are, of course, the occasional sleaze after one thing only.

Posted by: PurrrFectMatch at July 24, 2007 10:08 PM

Where have all our manners gone ??? How did we manage our communication 20 years ago...yes we all had to face up to our demons and fears and actually speak to people!!! I believe that dumping someone via text msg is the epitomy of rudeness. What is wrong with verbally communicating - maybe the first couple of emails can be exchanged but then actually talking after that - it creates so much more of a personality picture ..rather than just reading words or the task of deciphering someones self taught text abbreviations......get real - we're adults ( or at least should be behaving like adults) COMMUNICATE the old fashioned way - we might just realise that we actually value relationships, friendships and new encounters more if we did..!!!!!

Posted by: dillys at July 24, 2007 7:50 PM

This is all so enlightening, I've only just joined and am so unsure of the correct etiquette for this style of dating. I just been dumped (I think), but not by text/email/phone, he's just plain disappeared, not returned my calls (only 2) or text messages (1!). So I'm left completely in the dark, and can only assume that he's not interested. HOW RUDE! At least if someone sends a message you can get on with it and move on...

Posted by: smilingsmarty at July 24, 2007 12:47 PM

I can admit to discontinuing contact with someone I had met through RSVP twice. His profile says that he has an athletic build. First time we met I could tell that he was biggish, but thought that the suit and coat were covering up a well-built and muscly frame. Well, second date he appeared in jeans up to his navel with white shirt tucked in.....covering a HUGE gut, it was enough to make me want to run out of the restaurant and head for the hills. But no, I politely sat and thought that I would try to get to know him seeing that he seemed to be a genuinely nice person. All he whinged about all evening was the number of weird things that his RSVP dates had done until now, such as: turning up for a coffee date with a box of KFC - and being a lot larger than her average size stated on the profile, or the one who turned up with her 3 young kids to a 9pm coffee date wearing a velvet tracky etc...

Poor guy, didn't see that his bad table manners, inability to interact appropriately with waiters and the huge gut were equal turn offs. When I returned home I sent an sms thanking him for his company and the meal. He sent an SMS asking if I would like to come over to his place - at 2am. LOL. Then another at 2.15, 2.20. 2.25 until the phone rang at 2.30. I turned my phone off and went to sleep. 9am I turned my phone on again and it was him ringing. 2 text messages later, when he asked why I was ignoring him, I replied by SMS "I always ignore people when I'm asleep". Phone rang again - him. I told him that I would not be seeing him again, that he had showed obvious disrespect by texting and ringing me and asking me to come back to his place when there had been no indication from my part that I would be slightly interested in 'going there' with someone I had met twice. So he invited me out for dinner again that night, I politely declined and said that we were not suited: 1. He was quite a big bigger than athletic, 2. he only talked about his bad RSVP dates and what he had done for his 200 ex-girlfriends at dinner, 3. I don't like men ringing me for booty calls.

He hung up. 2 minutes later he sent an SMS telling me that I didn't know what I was missing out on. I text back that my mind was made up and that I wasn't interested. His last SMS was "go F*** yrself you C***". Such a charming lad.

Sometimes an ending by sms can be a blessing. Those who end long term relationships by SMS are just plain rude though, or too gutless to tell you to your face.

Posted by: yseult at July 24, 2007 12:05 PM

I have a mobile and like texing my close friends but....organising a date or to meet up by tex is sad. what happened to talking.
I had a friend who had been seeing this guy for 8 months and he ended by tex......gutless or what???

Posted by: sweetlady8 at July 24, 2007 10:03 AM

Great blogs, thank you for the insight. I don't understand why it is so hard sometimes to get to know what people are really like until it comes to the crunch. The thing I love about rsvp is when people say on their profiles that they are just after sex. Then it's easy......BLOCK!! When people are mistruthful or pretend to be someone they're not it just makes it so much harder in the long run. I haven't been dumped by text, but found out by answering my boyfriend's phone (we met on rsvp) while he was on night shift one night and i was waiting at his house for him. He used to ring me from work to say how much he missed me so i thought nothing of picking up the phone. It was his ex girlfriend. The one he had bagged out the whole time i was seeing him and saying how glad he was to be rid of. She was surprised to hear I was there and said she had spent the day before with him. I was devestated. Sometimes technology is no fun. Remember at school when we used to pass notes........... I still keep mine in a box. Those are memories.

Posted by: hidingmyname at July 22, 2007 1:05 AM

Yes I did end what was due to be ended by email. I am grounded....contacted by NOT so grounded men who when they first reply are men who have resolved OLD stuff.....sadly ..they just simply havent and well I did take the easy way out. RSVP is a starting point and has no liability to the people who sign up. So you have to take the reply as you find them.......troubled men are never going to write themselves in as just that.....nor troubled women......that is why the site will only ever be as good as your gut instinct. They provide the site ...we as humans need to do the rest.

Posted by: browneyes59 at July 21, 2007 10:43 PM

I think it depends on how far you are into the relationship. If there has only been 1 date, it may be more comfortable to do it via txt or email, wouldn't bother me at all of course it depends on the content of the txt/email. I went on 1 date with a guy from RSVP who divulged to me after 2 weeks of emailing and just prior to our 1st date that he was hearing impaired, whilst I knew this could be difficult as I didn't know if I needed to know sign laguage (which don't) or what would happen, I decided that I would go on the date and see how things panned out, he seemd nice enough. Anyway, no sign language needed as he could speak, albeit very loudly, which was a bit embarrassing because the whole cafe then knew how we had met and basiclly his life story which he told me during the entire date, you know one of those "all about me" kind of people. When I got home, I knew that I didn't want to see him again but didn't know how to go about telling him as he had travelled 2 hours to meet me, I felt a bit bad and I didn't want him to think that it was because he was deaf, it was because I didn't particularly enjoy his company. Anyway no need to worry because he emailed me and told me that he didn't think that we were suited because he had been single for a while and had become "very fussy" about who he dated.......How rude!!! I was fine with the email dumping, if you could call it that after only 1 date, I was a bit put out by his reason behind it. However had he said that to me face to face, it may have turned nasty!

Posted by: Tiga at July 21, 2007 12:06 PM

For those who really behave badly on RSVP - with consistent rudeness, cheating or inappropriate behaviour, couldn't there be a database organised with feedback from various members about members who are thought to be dangerous or behave very badly.....similar to the eBay ranking system for sellers?

Posted by: yseult at July 21, 2007 2:25 AM

Hello all. Haven't been dumped by SMS yet Why? Cause I think it's an absolutely ridiculous form of communication particularly for a mobile phone and I just don't send or read SMS messages as phones are for making phone calls as far as I am concerned and that's all I use them for. Additionally I'm a lousy half finger typist.and I've got better things to do with my hands and time than try to figure out which sequence of keys to push and by which time I could probably have walked or driven to the other persons place and simply said " I'm sorry but I no longer wish for us to be meeting each other". Life used to be starightforward and friendships not treated just "like another message." Cheers Terry

Take Care Be Aware and Beware

Posted by: datelessnotdesperat at July 19, 2007 3:54 AM

What is the boots thing? I am 47 am I too old to understand. I don't have boots should I get some?

Posted by: sixtiessingle at July 17, 2007 7:33 PM

In response to Hidden desires - Where I come from you are not allowed to have mobile phones turned on in court. You're lucky it wasn't confiscated.

Posted by: Hail at July 16, 2007 9:40 PM

Being dumped by any medium hurts LOL, it wouldnt matter if it was sent by a singing clown, it does take courage to end a relationship, an just as much to accept its over, SMS seems cheap through, whats better die wondering or die knowing, an i agree some men may lack nuts in this situation
...manpaps....LOL

Posted by: BLUEBYEU1 at July 15, 2007 11:55 PM

Its plain rude and I can't believe that the world has gone sms crazy and this is how we all communicate to each other. What is wrong with good old fashioned picking up the phone and having a conversation. If its time to call off the relationship have the decency and honesty to communicate to that person either on the phone or in person. There is just no respect, honesty left in the world anymore ! Very sad....

Posted by: areutheone37 at July 15, 2007 4:42 PM

Spiff1...only a couple of pretty women? Hey don't limit yourself... and Happy Birthday for Sept ..hehe

p.s yes it was ALL tongue in cheek...

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at July 15, 2007 2:00 PM

I just had a bad experience myself.....I was seeing a man who was pursuing me, taking me out to dinner, lunch even bought me a pair of boots? any way he liked the idea of not making any kind of contact with me through the week to make me miss him, he actualy told me this, then last week he got sick so on saturday i sent him a text hoping he felt better, no reply so I thought I had better ring his home, no answer, so I rang his mobile, no answer, waited until that night at about 9pm thought bugger this I think he is playing games or just doesnt have the balls to end it so i had no choice but to end it through text message.

Posted by: Nicky at July 15, 2007 12:17 PM

hi i would love 2 meet acoupleofpretty women is that possible im38 39sep 5is there any women out there uthink would b keen im chrisxxxooo

Posted by: spiff1 at July 15, 2007 11:04 AM

In my opinion at the end of the day sms messaging unless only used for communicating basic information like "i'm running 5 minutes late" is a cop out and lazy. Nothing beats real conversation with someone be it over the phone or face to face.
And my personal experience is so many people seem to hide behind the ease of a text message.

Posted by: givemeareason2 at July 15, 2007 10:28 AM

I'd be happy to be dumped by sms...has anyone else had the misfortune of seeing a guys profile still up when you have slept with him....then you date him again and find the profile still there a week later...amended!!!! Then when you call to see what the deal is he doesn't have the decency to actually end it and asks you how it reads..is it okay...honestly had to get some serious therapy after that one!!!

Posted by: marrianne (not rsvp name) at July 14, 2007 1:12 PM

I have been a victim of the e-mail dumping. The worst thing was that after she told me that she wasn't ready to give up he single life (fair enough) and would remove herself from RSVP she was back on here with a new RSVP name.

Posted by: Jaxson7 at July 14, 2007 2:07 AM

May I play Devil's Advocate?
I consider myself a reasonably "nice" guy, and the last two women I've dated - separately, of course - have finished it by e-mail. In the limited time I'd had to get to know each of them, there had never been any arguments or disagreements and neither had seen (or made) me angry. They weren't to know whether I was the kind of guy who'd make a scene or become verbally or physically abusive. (For the record : probably not, no and absolutely not.) ;-)
Anyway, in both cases it was a bit soon for them after... and it was safer for them to phrase this exactly as they wished, and not feel awkward if I tried to talk them out of it.
I did reply to this weeks' lady, thanking her for the opportunity to get to meet her, that we had fun, and left it short and sweet. Not to have 'the last word', but just to show there weren't any hard feelings.
Ending a relationship is as much about a 'gut feeling' in the early days, and if you're not comfortable around him, then I think it's reasonable to end it on your own terms.

Posted by: fortease at July 13, 2007 10:22 PM

I just got dumped on wed over text message by a guy ive been seeing for awhile but its long dist im in qld he in vic. He told me tues night he loved me n wanted to marry me.... wed night it was over by text message... go figure...

Posted by: diamondgirl87 at July 13, 2007 10:22 PM

Hiddencharms;
My father never told me that!

Glad you got a laugh from my profile. At least its different (I think so anyway).Looks like mostly ladies posting here. Wonder why that is?
Keep looking ladies. We are out there. It may take a while but it will be worth it I know.

Posted by: Haggisattack at July 13, 2007 9:43 PM

No Heidi, you were still wrong to dump him the way you did. I have the same feelings as you about smoking (see my profile), but you made a choice to see him again despite the fact that you knew he smoked. It is irrelevant to the way you dumped him that he did or didn't heed what you said in your profile about smoking. To us, you were witty in your text, but NOT to him. I was very surprised that you expected him to 'work it out' or come to a compromise. Why would you? It sounds as if you're not learning by experience. Personally, I would have dumped him at the first date on the assumption that he couldn't read.

Posted by: Chopsticks at July 13, 2007 7:58 PM

In response to Hidden Desires: I hope you've learned your lesson. I am the type of person to send emails that I fit into the subject line, but I only do this with people I know extremely well. This method and txting is a highly inappropriate way to communicate with someone you don't know that well, and especially for a date/dinner. Height of bad manners springs to mind. As a researcher, I would suggest that most of us use text because a) we don't want to pay for a phone call, b) to enable the recipient to pick up the msg if they're in a meeting or tied up, c) we need a simple yes/no answer to a question. If it's anyone (male or females) can't be bothered to pick up a call and engage, I wouldn't take them seriously. I'd also think they had problems communicating in person or they were too mean to make a simple phone call.

Posted by: Chopsticks at July 13, 2007 7:38 PM

It all boils down to who the person is..I like txt.. I am busy at work and helps me keep in touch ..u also get straight to the point BUT anyone who dumps somebody by txt is a coward ...email ok if you have only just met and deciding whether to take it further..but if a relationshop has begun then shame... re dinner tonight ..i would have simply txt yes and where?.....lol

Posted by: gvsm at July 13, 2007 6:56 PM

Hi All. This is basically a test, as most of last few posts in different blogs have been lost in cyberspace. Sorta like my social life I guess.
Ciao

Posted by: Notfos at July 13, 2007 1:01 PM

Email and SMS is great - it means men actually communicate. In the "good old days" dumping a girl involved just never calling her again, leaving the girl wondering what was going on. Now he can actually tell her "there was no chemistry" or whatever, and she can move on. Better to know the truth and deal with it than be left wondering...

Posted by: pritty1 at July 12, 2007 11:22 PM

haggisattack: What a lovely tip for us wee lassies! Like our fathers never told us that all of those years ago....nice sentiment anyway. Had to sneak a peak at your profile - not too many men out there think like you do!
Your sense of humour shines through! It made my night!

Posted by: hiddencharms at July 12, 2007 9:06 PM

Well at least its informing somebody that they have been dumped! I just love the guys who quietly fade off into the distance without saying anything after you have been on 3 or 4 dates...and on those dates they tell you that they feel like they have known you for ages etc etc.... Now that shows real class, as well as being completely gutless - and not altogether honest!

Posted by: hillsgirl66 at July 12, 2007 5:34 PM

OK this is very timely. I have just ended an almost-relationship by SMS and email.

The circumstances are as follows: one month ago I met a very nice guy (off this site) who appeared instantly taken with me. We had drinks, dinner and great conversation. Something was bugging me though and when I realised what it was confronted him: You smoke, don't you? He admitted it, said he was trying to quit. My profile says distinctly "No Smokers" but for some reason when I had check out his, had not looked at the smoking section (assumed that guys would understand that I was not interested if they smoked).

By then it was too late. I decided I liked him enough to see him again and give him the benefit of the doubt - if he was genuinely trying to give up I would be supportive and hang around as long as necessary. But, I stressed, no way would I get into intimate until he'd lost the smokes.

We had one more date, which went well, again with no intimacy, and thereafter many long phone conversations. During some of these I could hear him exhaling, or lighting up. When I quizzed him on how his QUIT campaign was going he would say things like "Don't ask" or joke about it or change the subject.

Four weeks to the day, nothing had changed. I talked to my friends who said: don't waste your time, he has no intention of quitting, he's addicted; if he really cared about you and/or wanted a relationship he would make the effort, etc etc. In fact I had already worked this out for myself but being told face to face reinforced my belief.

Hence my decision to send an SMS: "The good news is - you don't have to give up smoking, and the even better news is that you don't need to see me again. What's your home address so I can send the books (he had lent me) back?" His response was a terse email saying "Don't bother - keep them; good luck in your future endeavours" with no offer to discuss the issue or perhaps try and work around it.

In the above case I think SMS is ideal: we were never in a relationship, had seen each other exactly twice, and since by his actions he was affirming: "you aren't worth quitting for", what better way of pulling the pin?

Heidi

Posted by: heidifromwestoz at July 12, 2007 1:57 PM

I was recently dump via email first and then txt. then when the face to face happened I was told to GET LOST and DON'T COME BACK. no reason given, just had my feelings crushed and dreams broken in 2 mins flat.

but dumping someone in that way is guttless and is only a cowards way out of a relationship.

Posted by: carlost291969 at July 12, 2007 1:25 PM

After 25 years I got SMS via mobile phone to find letter in bedside drawer. She had disappeared. She also messaged my daughter to run straight to me at that same message instant. Found her through the ATM network 10 days later. Wish I had never bothered. GUTLESS is an understatement !

Posted by: Ducatisupersport at July 12, 2007 12:11 AM

1 more thing whilst I'm on my soap box. Girls here's a clue for determining how serious a guy is about you. Make him wait for a month or even 2 before you sleep with him and make him aware that he is going to have to wait. If he's a player he'll move on to easier targets. Us good guys will wait and EXPECT to.

Posted by: Haggisattack at July 11, 2007 9:37 PM

Hi Folks,
I think we have to face the fact that it's a 'use it a coupla times then chuck it' society. On line dating seems to promote this and I'd guess guys are prob more guilty than gals. (That will prob stir things up but I'm a guy) If a date/meet doesn't work out exactly the way you want it to then so what, chuck them and get someone else. No need to give them a second chance. God knows there are hundreds of others to choose from. Once this attitude takes root then the method of ending a relationship of whatever length becomes unimportant be it by phone or face2face. I've only been with RSVP for a few days but after reading some of the stuff in the blogs and your posts I'm thinking of deleting my profile and just taking my chances in the real world as opposed to the cyber one.

Posted by: Haggisattack at July 11, 2007 9:06 PM

I think dumping via email is fine - if email (such as RSVP) is the way you met each other - and it's very early in the relationship (1 or 2 dates). If you have been on more dates than that then, I think, courtesy dictates a phone call.
If a couple met in a forum other than email - well, perhaps a phone call.
Either way, it's hard for the dumper, as well as the dumpee. However it's done, courtesy should be used.
Regards,
DiP

Posted by: duskinperth at July 10, 2007 9:55 PM

I have to say - texts can be handy if you're just meeting up but don't see