RSVP Blog

Be polite and don't be mean to others, remember karma has a way of coming back on you. Don't dump anyone, just let them know that your relationship, in it's present form, isn't working out.
Bye for now.

Posted by: woodnwine at September 14, 2007 11:17 AM

i got the silent dump after driving 3000km non stop on a healthy diet of no-doze and red bull to tell this person how i truly felt about them. found out later that while i was driving (being woken up by those bumpy reflectors on the road) that this person sought physical comfort from a mate of mine. oh well, i just think that this person has bad taste in partners because i'm better than that!

Posted by: crazynotinlove at September 13, 2007 10:33 PM

There are some short sighted people around here.

Those that want the woman to do the emailing and the ringing.

Really!

Think about it. She steadfastly maintains that she will not under any circumstances initiate contact whether by email or phone.

I say to that. Thank God.

It means that I am not going to be pestered when it's time to have a break.

She's not going to ring 10 days a time and demand "where the hell are you you creep". Means I don't have to trot out 1001 lame excuses.

Now to come up for air.

Posted by: Thank You For NOT Ringing, I Really Mean It at September 13, 2007 2:55 PM

Dumping someone by text or email is wrong - period. In my view, the mere fact that this makes a blog topic in today's society is repugnant. Just because the technologoy exists, it doesn't make it right. Whether your male or female, have the fortitude to respect youself and the other person and end the relationship personally.

Posted by: beyond2007 at September 11, 2007 7:23 PM

Technology is here, whether we like it or not and new ways of communicating add a different dimension to life. I'm probably double the age of most people here but I text all over the world...use instant messaging...Skype..phone..computer...whatever comes to hand. When someone doesn't want to stay in touch whether from a relationship or just a penpal then I appreciate hearing from them in any way. maybe they are too nervous to talk...BUT if there is just silence I get really cranky and maybe they are lucky they don't hear what I say about them. Just ill mannered cowards and not worth even spending time thinking about.

Posted by: jayemtee at September 11, 2007 6:36 PM

Seems that anyone who does that doesnt have a clue to what constiutues a relationship in the first place.
It appears that some people like having a remote control for your relationship, on - off etc anytime they feel like ...
It's a well observed phenomena that the more advanced the technology gets, the dumber the user becomes.
What ever happened to giving and sharing ?

Posted by: Pussincowboyboots at September 11, 2007 2:48 PM

moveingforward 2007After seeing somebody for 3 mths and getting dumped by silence i can understand you just dont know what went wrong . so to those of you who enjoying playing games with people s hearts KARMA fixes all if not in this life time but in the next .They say what goes around comes around

Posted by: outamycomfortzone at September 11, 2007 1:08 PM

I can’t sleep and so have been reading through the blogs…

Padwan Learner…read your exchange with Yseult and have to weigh in…dude it’s really obvious what happened (and by the way, don’t post something and then tell people to butt out, if you want something to be personal, don’t post on a blog)

Anyway, odds are she blocked you (why she disappeared) because you freaked her out.

Apologizing for a possible mis-understanding, telling her she could call you and that you wanted to hear back from her today is creepy. Sorry, but it screams NEEDY and desperate from a mile away. If you didn’t hear from her for 3-4 days then you send her an email and ask how her day was. If you don’t get a response, you move on. Period. You don’t offer to chat on the phone, you don’t apologize, you don’t try and open a chat session. You showed her that you cared way too much about the situation (your long posts recounting every thrust and parry of what happened shows you’ve played it over in your head dozens of times) and she bolted.

Medster…great post!…

Look4aSuperhero….army guy wasn’t interested….period…it’s “It’s not you, it’s me”…he was just trying to be nice….and frankly, pretty much everyone is going to “dump” somebody electronically if they haven’t met…

Roseleigh…guys are really simple…if he was really into you…he’d have taken his profile down…women don’t seem to get this…when a man shows he doesn’t care, it means he doesn’t care not that he’s deep, introverted, playing games, mysterious or anything else…we make effort when somebody matters and we want to spend lots of time with you…if a guy has his profile up…he’s got one eye out the door when something “better” comes along…

My thoughts in general…

“Dumping” implies a relationship and, generally, exclusivity/intimacy…If we haven’t been intimate, I am going to end it via email or text. I don’t want to deal with an awkward phone call to a woman I have seen three times. If you are that attached to me after two dates, there is something wrong.

If you are in an actual relationship, then an actual discussion is something a grown-up would do. Unfortunately, too many people out there think like grade schoolers.

Dating is harsh. I have had every conceivable horrible thing happen to me on this site. I have paid to reply to kisses and had women never log on again or remove their profile. I had a woman stand me up. Great dates that mysteriously didn’t lead to a 2nd. Etc..etc…

You have two options. Dwell on people who don’t give a crap about you or move on and look to the next person with optimism. I wish all my ex’s happy wonderful lives and spend exactly zero time thinking about them. I worry about my own life and what tomorrow holds.

Posted by: timeforbed at September 11, 2007 1:27 AM

yseult at July 21:

I agree with you 100% that there should be a way we can report innapropriate and predatory behaviour by members on this site.

I have only had contact with one member of RSVP, and, although the few short weeks that I was seeing this man were absolutely delightful, the weeks since I last saw him have left me feeling humiliated and foolish.

On the second date he told me that he had a job offer which would take him to remote areas intersate where he would have no phone or internet access. I encouraged him to make the decision that was right for him, he decided to take the job. We continued to see each other for the next few weeks and by the time he was to "leave" I had become quite emphatuated with him. My understanding was that we were together and that we would continue our relationship once he returned. There was no talk of seeing other people, he told me that there were only Kangaroos and Emus where he would be. After a few weeks, missing him and wanting just to see his face, I logged on to RSVP to view his profile and picture, to find that he was on line (no internet access???). Not wanting to doubt this man that I had come to care about I tried to ignore the evidence before me until a friend sent him an RSVP kiss and received a reply that he was interested and was awaiting her email.(She won't be wasting her stamps)

I don't think that I am the first to be told this story (I might be the first to not say "lets not continue seeing each other") and I will probably not be last.

Needless to say I am gutted and would like to be able to save other people the humilitation and hurt that I am feeling now.

To all of you that have been "dumped" via SMS or e-mail, at least the person had the courtesy of telling you (regardless of how rude they were) that it is over and you can now move on. I know I can move on too, however, my man is expecting that I will be awaiting his return, who is the most gullible, him or me??

I have only briefly skimmed the blogs in this topic but there does seem to be quite a bit of suspect behaviour going on and it would be great if there were a forum where we could express any genuine concerns about the intentions and actions of RSVP members.

Afterall, there are sites where these sleezy types can meet and mistreat each other.

Posted by: leelee29 at September 11, 2007 12:37 AM

I'm not sure why everyone is getting so tied up about the ending via phone business. I was under the impression some people, and guys have said this to me, would prefer on the basis of a shorter relationship to have it ended by phone so they don't have to face the person as the conversation is happening and can chose to end the call.

I have to empathise with the hand-holder story. Had an incident like that myself where told the guy straight out not to hold my hand, pulled it away from him on a number of occasions, this persisted over a few dates, and then ultimately he asked what was wrong with me. Now I suppose I could have stuck a fork in his groin in a public place but as I chose not to humiliate him, speaking clearly (and not being heard) was the only option left to someone trying to exercise comon "courtesty".

Um excuse me, so why does somebody who has refused to respect physical boundaries, trying to lay the guilt trip on to boot deserve the "decent" face-to-face let down? to give him another opportunity not to respect those boundaries?

Besides, dating is about figuring out whether someone else is right for you, isn't it better for someone to end it with a stunning lack of flair but before it goes on for too long than to let it go on for a long time for fear of hurting the other person's feelings or doing the heart to heart? You know, cruel to be kind.

Silence is worse than no text, after all, the best answer after yes in this context is probably no, however it is delivered.

Posted by: Cecilia at September 10, 2007 11:40 PM

yes searching74. Same thing has just happened to me. Would rather be told 'we're not compatible' than just ignored. You know who you are!!!

Posted by: scozzielass1 at September 10, 2007 9:53 PM

it would be nice just to be told anyway then to be left 'hanging' as they say, phone or email at least you know

Posted by: searching74 at September 10, 2007 8:55 PM

Mishka - Lucky for you that you found out! What a nightmare! I forget sometimes that I'm dealing with "the real world" when I'm on here, and that people are sometimes not what they seem!

I once broke up with someone via the phone. That person was a very angry and spiteful person towards me at the time, so I took the safe option. I regretted it for ages but came to terms with it eventually, because as I discovered here on rsvp, being dumped over the phone is still preferable to being - as someone else put it - "dumped by silence". If you want feel truly gutted, that's the one to experience.

Posted by: movingforward2007 at September 10, 2007 5:40 PM

anonymous Sept1 2.15pm - Well done! Good for you! Excellent attitude! You become the winner with an attitude like that, anger just makes you .... angry. Bitterness just makes you ..... bitter. Cherish the memories not the disappointment.

Posted by: woodnwine at September 7, 2007 10:32 AM

I think that people should let you know what they want and not give the silent treatment, I agree a text is a total cop out and a cowardly act and I don't wish it on anyone? but wouldn't you prefer to know where you stood rather than not know at all what went wrong? That happend to me recently and it was hurtful cause I really liked him. There was no closure

Posted by: sassaysoz at September 7, 2007 9:40 AM

I think it's just the age we live in these days that makes it more acceptable to use these mediums to communicate and yes sometimes even dump! However in my humble opinion, I do not believe it is right to dump someone you have been seeing (in person) for quite a while through txt or email, its better to have a phone call or face to face chat. On the other hand, if it is RSVP dating, you've had no or only a few dates, I think its perfectly okay to send a small email explaining why you don't think it's going to work, it's much more polite than receiving total silence. But each to their own, as long as there is dating there will be jerks (male and female) who act in certain ways that totally confuse us all, rather they do us a favour by ending it :)

Posted by: KittyKimmy at September 5, 2007 6:37 AM

Haha... I've just learned something funny. Apparently not everyone carries their mobile phone around with them. I seem to want people to reply to my sms messages straight away, because I ALWAYS have my phone with me, when in fact, that is a little too obsessive. Aahh, technology gives us all an excuse to act like asses. :)

Posted by: somegirl at September 1, 2007 8:55 PM

Ooohhh it always hurts, I had the text dump a few weeks ago.. after 6 weeks of the most blissfull love-affair, daily phone calls sweet nothing texts a couple of times a day, spending every weekend together and 3 or 4 nights through the week....... meeting his friends, being part of his 8 year old daughter's life.... I was completely in love, being treated like I've never been before...

And then, totaly out of the blue... a text..

I do realise that he couldn't face hurting me, I know his feelings were genuine, albiet confused..

I freaked out for a week, but restrained myself from sending an indignant, bitter reply, after a week I thought, "I am NOT going to let this callous and cowardly method of dumping ruin the most divine memory"

So I sent him a text telling him just that, that he had meant allot to me, and treated me so well (apart from the final text!), and thankyou, I will hold the memory dear to me FOREVER!

Of course the issues are with him, and texting maybe makes it easier, but if he wasn't ready, then thank god he told me, rather than let it slide on for months ..years, and just becoming more distant, less loving, even resentful.... At least this way I have the perfect memory.....

It still hurts though!

Posted by: .......:( at September 1, 2007 2:15 PM

I thinks its amazing how guys claim ownership over us sometimes once we have swapped a few emails or chats. I mean...why should i have to write back the same day or the odd one's start sending emails and chats saying ''what did i do wrong, what happend, why arent you writing back''...gimme a break, i've got a life. Same goes for guys who send kisses way out of their league...i mean sometimes people are just being nice and saying that they like the profile or the pic, but some guys are kiss stalkers and you dont even get time to send a thanks but no thanks response and they already sent another one. Sometimes when i've been swapping emails and something doesnt seem right i dont want to tell the guy that i think he's strange but geeez if you tell them in the end why you stopped writing or if you dont want to keep the contact you still get emails...either begging me to write or telling me off for not letting themknow sooner that i dont ring them.
HINTS:: some of us don't hang over our PCs waiting for email
... and some of us go out ....and have fun even if we have an online profile
... and some of us think maybe we met someone nice but are real busy with work or life and dont write back to all our emails the same day...then the nextday we get a really creepy needy apologetic email or a grumpy one telling us that they are worried or annoyed or worse because they were waiting for hours for a reply. What really gets me is when i'm chatting to people i havent even met yet and then get into trouble from them when i'm busy in another chat with someone else the next day...and get told off for not answering.

Posted by: clare77 at August 29, 2007 2:14 AM

I'm amazed at how many times I have been bawled out by men who have sent me nasty emails or wimpy emails because I didn't write back to them the same day after we have already exchanged a few emails already. One guy even sent another email the next day to tell me that they are never going to write to me again if I didn't reply in the next few hours. Some of us have lives and don't sit around waiting for emails.

Posted by: mellie at August 28, 2007 7:16 PM

Posted by: brightspark at August 26, 2007 8:20 PM

You are right, these sorts of communication aids just help emotionally retarded men from avoiding their emotions.

Yes, I was dumped by email and Yes, it hurt like hell.

At the time I thought I would die, but I have learnt to deal with the fact that I was dating an emotionally retarded twerp, and that he was and is not capable of anything more.

I hope he just leads a very unhappy life because of the way he treated me.

Posted by: Over it again and again. at August 28, 2007 3:41 PM

Hey mishka (August 25, 2007 4:22 PM) I don't think that what you did was over the top (OTT). At least you had some gut instinct which caused you to seek further information. Additionally, he may have stopped contact because he knew that he couldn't 'get to you' as he did with other 'prey'.

Good that you are back on the blogs at least and hoping that you get to enjoy the new experiences. I have met some really weird women who I didn't see after the first date but it hasn't stopped me from making some great friends with others who have decided mutually that we couldn't be partners but have increased my social circles. I think the main idea is to learn from our experiences and to climb back on the horse and make the best of it if we can.

FiBi ... you've got it right. Some people have great expectations from a kiss. Anyone whose feelings are hurt from lack of response to a kiss have issues anyway.

Posted by: Medster at August 27, 2007 11:50 AM

How can someone be dumped if they are not in a relationship? Fair enough if you meet someone a few times and talked to them regularly on the telephone, in which case expectations may be building as we get to know the other person and become more interested in them.

Then there is "obsessive relational intrusion" which is an extreme form of contact when one party expresses little or no interest in the other party.

Unfortunately, some people read more into a 'relationship' than there really is, purely based on IM or emails, with the expectation of their feelings being reciprocated. If their contact is not receiprocated to the same extent, the obsessive nature of some individuals kicks in.

In short, relationships require a mutual desire for a relationship. Some individuals read more into the swapping of a few chats or emails than others. Meeting, talking with, going out with someone a few times would lead one to think that there was a possibility of a relationship and understandibly feelings may be hurt if contact is suddenly disrupted. However, one could hardly consider oneself to have been "dumped" after a few chats and emails unless one has read too much into the possibilities of interaction with another person; one is desperately seeking approval based on ones acceptance by others; one has obsessive characteristics demonstrated by expectation of continuity of contact based on chats and emails, or lack thereof within the timeframe of a few hours of days.

Online dating is a great opportunity to also take a look at ourselves based on how others react to us. It is hurtful when people do not contact others after some extended contact (meeting, dating, intimacy), but if we find ourselves expecting contact from someone who has not reciprocated it or we are thinking too much about someone we have not yet met ~ it's time to take a good hard look at our own behaviour.

Those who don't respond to initial emails after initiating interest are just rude, but think of the time and effort saved.

Those who dump their partners (when in an out-in-the-real-world realtionship) are usually just avoidant souls who can't face you because they can't face their own guilt, or seeing another person's feelings hurt ~ you have to feel sorry for their inadequacies too.

Posted by: Medster at August 27, 2007 11:08 AM

Yes recently I was dumped via text, or lack of texts really! the silent treatment and my texts actually ignored by someone I was seeing on rsvp who I adored actually & thought was going along wonderfully. He didnt respond to any of my generally nice good morning, hello and other lovely polite texts for over one week until I finally got through via phone and just after he did send a "dumping me" type text! Didnt have the heart or courage to dump me face to face, We are all worth at least that common courtesy! Not good!

Posted by: amsweetnpetite at August 27, 2007 7:44 AM

I've had a thought. Is it possible that regardless of whether it comes as a text message, email, phone call or in person, if a person is rude, the brush off will involve rudeness. Technology may just give assholes an easy way of avoiding situations they find difficult. Cowardice...you think?

Posted by: brightspark at August 26, 2007 8:20 PM

I have been back on this site for only a few days but these blogs are a lot more fun than scrolling through profiles. I thought I was a clued up girl but reading some of these experiences makes me realise my one wasn't as bad as I thought. My first ever rsvp contact was a head spin. We made initial contact, then email, the phone, finally meet. Had a nice date, got no bad vibes. Then after a week talking, he disappears. Profile deleted, wont answer phone, email. What the heck is going on? Anyway at the time I had a contact who was able to help me out with a criminal history check, yes I know OTT, but you had to be there...Two hours later knew everything I needed to know, he was married, kids, lived in a different place to where I was led to believe, but worst of all, he had criminal convictions of a "serious sexual with violence nature" ! The legalities prevented me from knowing what these were exactly but I shudder to think. I think of it as my good fortune that I did'nt go beyond the 2 dates and it gave me a timely reminder that sometimes all is not as it seems. After only 5 days I have taken my profile off, but will continue to be fascinated by the wonderfully articulate comments posted thus far

Posted by: mishka at August 25, 2007 4:22 PM

Hi, like many of you, I'm on here to chat to people who'd I'd not have 'met' but for this medium (RSVP).. however, here's my conundrum: you keep silent in response to a 'kiss', then you're considered to be rude and hurtful; you respond with a courteous kiss w/o any comment, and then you're leading the person on?.. or encouraging them? So, either way, you're perceived to be hurting someone's feelings!.. What does one do? You're damned if you do and damned if you dont.

Posted by: FiBi at August 25, 2007 2:18 AM

Hi, like many of you, I'm on here to chat to people who'd I'd not have 'met' but for this medium (RSVP).. however, here's my conundrum: you keep silent in response to a 'kiss', then you're considered to be rude and hurtful; you respond with a courteous kiss w/o any comment, and then you're leading the person on?.. or encouraging them? So, either way, you're perceived to be hurting someone's feelings!.. You're damned if you do and damned if you dont.

Posted by: FiBi at August 25, 2007 2:17 AM

Posted by: yseult at August 24, 2007 12:39 AM
Your [over]reaction is a perfect example of the point of my post of August 21, 2007 7:46 AM.
'Calm down' was the advice.
Actually my "overreaction" was to your intimations about my behaviour and NOT to anything LIQ may have done or not done. I get that there was some kind of issue whatever it was. Whatever you are "perceiving" is all in your mind.
BTW the only reason there are 2 post replies is because I didn't think the first one registered.

'Calm down' was the advice??
Geez Yseult nowhere in your post did I read those particular words while you were attacking my character and "worrying about my behaviour" and now you "perceive something from my posts".
All I did is explain my actions yet you still don't get it do you..I've moved forward now a week on from LIQ & so it's a dead issue. Your comments & "advice" don't help because I didn't ask for it and it only makes it worse so please BUTT OUT & leave it alone please.

Posted by: Padwan Learner (not RSVP name) at August 25, 2007 2:16 AM

Hmmmmm...deja-vu...seems there are planty of these guys out there...commitma-phoebs!
Emotional retards! At least when we girls feel that special energy is not there. we end it as nicely as possible and with real communication!

Posted by: Angel at August 24, 2007 9:17 PM

Posted by: Padwan Learner (not RSVP name) at August 21, 2007 10:12 PM

Posted by: Padwan Learner (not RSVP name) at August 22, 2007 10:07 PM

Your [over]reaction is a perfect example of the point of my post of August 21, 2007 7:46 AM.

Posted by: Padwan Learner (not RSVP name) at August 18, 2007 11:42 PM: "I'll take that hint to be that there IS some kind of issue..goodness knows what... as our contact was rather minimal".

'Calm down' was the advice. You did not and still don't see the issue, even though it has now been pointed it out to you. Your posts would indicate that the lady in question saw in your contact with her - what I perceive from your posts. My point of view was objective as I know neither you nor her. Take it or leave it, it's a blog.

Posted by: yseult at August 24, 2007 12:39 AM

Ah Obi-wan yseult...how could I have been so blind??? Of course I get it now...you are stating the bleeding obvious.."she doesn't want contact with me" duh!! I had already worked that one out but maybe you should be on "The Einstein factor" with the "bleeding obvious" as your category of choice. It's amazing and offensive how you have turned my innocuous blog entry about an not uncommon RSVP experience into something "sinister" and thus tarring me with the brush of "stalker".
IF you insist on "giving advice" or responding to a blog entry it might pay you to at least READ the blog you are responding you.

Also why are YOU so worried about MY behaviour..you don't know the situation nor do you actually understand what happened obviously because didn't really read what I had written. My last sentence reads in that blog "Time to move on I suppose" which I've actually done. You write in your entry "I don't know why she didn't respond to you, but there are two sides to each story. From what you have written about your attempts to contact her, I think I understand her behaviour". Amazing how you can understand it when you weren't even there involved in my chat with "lady in question" (LIQ) or our email conversations nor do you know who LIQ is or who even I am. Are you blessed with blinding perception or can you read minds too?
For the record..not that it's your business anyway..but in the interests of repairing the tarnish you have put on this whole thing..I HAVE NOT attempted to contact LIQ since then despite HER giving me her email address nor do I intend to do so. Her address & emails were since deleted. Nor did I give or offer my phone number to her despite "your interpretation of events",.
But regarding "my persistent attempts at contact" let me clue you in to my whole line of thinking. On the Friday I received her positive kiss reply. When we were chatting & emailing and it went silent, she had previously mentioned having had a long busy day at work with more to come the day after plus there was a problem at her end receiving my IM's during chat here at RSVP..(it can be notoriously slow for slome reason). I took the sudden silence to be either (a) a PC problem at her end or (b) gone to bed being tired. The option to reply was always hers. 24 hours (Saturday) later there was no reply though I also knew she had a busy day working that day. All this time I'm giving benefit of the doubt to her. I saw her on chat here. I thought the first decline was another IM issue at her end so asked asked a 2nd time for chat remembering her IM receiving issues from the night b4. It was only when she declined twice that I realised there was some other issue so I asked the REASONABLE question of "is there a problem"?
No response..I gave up. Pure and simple. I USUALLY make a habit of treating people with the respect I expect in return and also believe in giving benefit of the doubt. It will probably bug me not knowing what the problem was with LIQ. It would help to know if only to avoid making a similar mistake (if any) in the future. "Feedback" is handy in those situations. Sorry to all other fellow bloggers for boring the pants off you but I was steamed...I don't expect to be attacked for posting an innocent blog..BTW Yseult...I am NOT your mate.
Now..deep breath..serenity now..serenity now...:)

Posted by: Padwan Learner (not RSVP name) at August 22, 2007 10:07 PM

Firstly Yseult, I don't want to get into any kind of slangingmatch here. However you certainly have got it wrong on a couple of fronts. For one thing she responded with a POSITIVE kiss reply saying 'she was interested and is looking forward to your email' . 1 stamp later I was in the process of emailing her here when she popped up on chat. You have no idea of the "nature of the conversation" I was having with lady in question which for the record was quite pleasant. However after supplying her personal email address to me we continued in that way.
I DIDN'T give her my number nor was it offered.. I did say I would offer it to her IF SHE requested it &/or supplied her own and in fact that last comment was in the original unreplied to email anyway.
The nature of how our chats & couple of emails were going was that basically they were just "background information" about each of us..nothing else. It didn't get "deep". I took her later silence to my email & the next night here to mean "she's no longer interested". However IF there was a problem somewhere in something I said or did or a misunderstanding (again I CAN'T think what it could have been) it would have at least been polite or good manners to say what it was.
The across the board problem I've seen here is a common one...lack of response to kisses & emails or people that string one along after a postive response to a kiss..this has happened to me 3 times now in about 2 weeks. I'm not the first to "complain" about it and by the look of things I won't be the last, but with all due respect Yseult, regardless, there's really no excuse for bad manners in the form of silence that keeps one hanging after "a promising start".
For the record as it is I've not engaged in any further contact with the lady in question despite having had her personal email address and in fact have deleted it from my email address book. I can't & won't contact her unless she chose to do so first.

Hardly 'worrying behaviour' Yseult.

I don't stalk people.. I just treat people with the kind of respect I expect to be treated with in return.

Posted by: Padwan Learner (not RSVP name) at August 21, 2007 10:12 PM

I have only been on RSVP a short time and reading some of these blogs is a bit concerning.

Personally I think telling the person via txt or e-mail that it is over is rude, so too is ignoring someone after making contact and asking to talk. Can see both sides of the arguement though as people with concerning behaviour/stalking tendancies can make it difficult to allow someone to actually end the relationship what ever stage it is at and feel safe- especially if you dont really know the person.
I now have got a bit of an insight as to what goes on on this sight and why my husband left me- i think he may be the Melbourne guys twin! lol. I have had to endure an entire property settlement and seperation via txt and e-mail and expect the divorce to be the same as he wont talk to me. Find it funny(and pathetic) that he stands in front of me to hand the kids over and then I get a txt message 5 mins later. his phone bill I suppose. I wish him all the luck in the world with the younger model he ran off with.(found on the internet)

To all-Good luck in finding that someone special!

Posted by: honestdiamond at August 21, 2007 9:11 PM

well it makes my stomach churn reading all your experiences . but then its nothing new to me. the internet and technology makes it more easier to come across the creeps out there. believe me seen this in chat and dating land. sometimes you can easierly see it sometimes not. married men arnt allowed to have profiles on rsvp its part of rsvps policy just report them to customer care. someone mentioned having a site on here to warn people of the creeps nice idea but could be opened to abuse. something needs to be done best thing is to trust ur gut reaction to a person anything that they do or say that dosent seem right normally isnt right .1 strike ur out

Posted by: at August 21, 2007 2:19 PM

Posted by: Padwan Learner (not RSVP name) at August 18, 2007 11:42 PM

I don't understand what it is that you don't understand. She doesm't want to communicate with you. You weren't in a relationship, you exchanged a few emails and chatted a bit...

So let me get this straight:

1.You "sent her an empathic email sort of apologising for any "misunderstanding" and that I was hoping to hear from her today by return email" - what for? ..unless there was a misunderstanding and therein lies your answer.

2. You also gave her your number so that she could call.

3. You attempted to chat with her not once - but TWICE?? and were "ignored".

4. You sent an email "noting her declining my chats politely asking if there was a problem" the same night.

5. Now you are asking what's wrong with her behaviour?

Mate, it is your behaviour that is worrying me. People do have lives outside of dating sites and online chat. People use their computers for shopping, banking, work. The automatic login feature has caught me off guard a few times when I opened up my computer to work at home and found RSVP chat screens popping up at me when I was banking. She is perfectly entitled to respond if and when she feels like it and to as many people as she wishes. She does not HAVE TO reply to you in any way or form, it may be more polite to do so - but unless you know what is going on in her life, I really think that you should give some slack because your numerous attempts to contact her are bordering on very worrying behaviour.

Sometimes it may be worth looking at ones individual behaviour for the reasons behind how others do or don't respond.

I don't know why she didn't respond to you, but there are two sides to each story. From what you have written about your attempts to contact her, I think I understand her behaviour.

Posted by: yseult at August 21, 2007 7:46 AM

And the madness continues... went on a date friday. He got drunk and called his sister to pick us up because he couldn't drive. Today I got the dump by email. Like I had any plans to see him again... Roseleigh, I must not have two functioning eyes because I only ever seem to spot losers. What the hell am I missing??

Posted by: somgirl at August 20, 2007 6:48 PM

Oh EarlWyoming such a jaded post.......

Posted by: auntykaz at August 19, 2007 9:16 PM

Hello everyone, I am horrified at but grateful to have read your digital experiences. It seems that the digital age brings with it more opportunities for creeps to hide behind a persona and do what they do always, be incensere, lie and deceive wonderful people who trust in goodness and truth.

I hope I am spared from meeting any of these e-creeps, i meet enough of them in 'real' life.

Cheers, Fibi

Posted by: FiBi at August 19, 2007 1:13 PM

Well I've had the strange and unpleasant experience of being apparently dumped without being told I was. After receiving a positive response to a kiss from a lady, I requested & she consented to a chat here on RSVP. After a pleasant but slow little while she wanted to go to email & gave me her addresss so i said cool. 2 or 3 emails later back & forward there was sudden silence (something I said..not sure?) I sent her an empathic email sort of apologising for any "misunderstanding" and that I was hoping to hear from her today by return email and she could ring me to talk if she wanted my number..her call. I still had had no reply of any kind tonight but while I was online she popped up on chat here tonight and she twice quickly ignored my request for a chat. I sent an email noting her declining my chats politely asking if there was a problem. I turned PC off & watched telly with my son. It's pushing midnight now and as yet there's is still no reply. Also now her profile is suddenly no longer visible. I'll take that hint to be that there IS some kind of issue..goodness knows what... as our contact was rather minimal..but I wish she would at least reply and tell me what it is.
Time to move I suppose

Posted by: Padwan Learner (not RSVP name) at August 18, 2007 11:42 PM

Somegirl,
Sorry to hear you had the same experience...and yes my date had also posted a better pic...AND added new details while i was in his bed....you would think we had more sense...well i have learened the hard way as im sure you have, keep one open for the players, but also keep the other eye out for a decent guy, im sure there still around...somewhere.
And thank you YSEULT for your good advise...have taken it on board...lol. And good luck to all the other genuine guys and girls.

Posted by: roseleigh at August 17, 2007 7:02 PM

"learninglots" 12th August.

in my humble opinion...you still have a lot to learn.

Posted by: at August 17, 2007 12:52 PM

Dumping in the digital age - sending a kiss to someone, receiving their reply that they want to hear from you, sending them an email then silence. Does that mean I'm dumped?

Posted by: woodnwine at August 17, 2007 11:00 AM

Roseleigh:
that sounds SO much like a guy i was seeing, except he NEVER took his profile down, in fact, he posted a new photo of himself whle i was still IN his bed...

Posted by: somegirl at August 16, 2007 6:31 PM

For "notelling",

No, the "Melbourne" man (who really lives in Sydney) isn't Indian or in IT.

He's a solicitor, blue eyes and brown hair.

He puts two cities on his profile, with Melbourne as the one which will appear in searches, as he's probably run out of women to fool in Synday. Plus he's been kicked off RSVP in the past, but keeps reappearing with a new profile name, a new city,.... same old same old. Just a loser who cheats on his wife and likes to live his life on the internet, through emails and text.

He's on RSVP right now... looking for someone to sharpen is pencil. What a creep - get a home number and be be suspicious of anyone who doesn't call in the evening, but is able to find the time to text and email. If someone is geniune they will find the time to call you! And not just from the car on their way home (which is what the "Melbourne man" used to do, as obviously he couldn't phone me from his home, in case his WIFE heard the conversation!)

The "Melbourne guy" used to email me late at night and tell me how he was working late at the office - until I did an ISP tracer search on his emails and worked out they were coming from the same ISP code as the emails he sent from home. So, when I found out he was married, it all made sense. The lying scum was really typing away his pathetic emails whilst at home with his wife, (which is why he couldn't call me), and getting away with it by telling me he was busy working late at the office.

In hindsight I wish I had just followed the scumbag home after the first meeting. Then I would have known from the start that he was lying to me and was still married and living with his wife. I know it sounds extreme, but so is being lied to and conned by a married man who is just out for a fling. Especially when many of us here on RSVP are single and genuine about meeting someone - there is no excuse for a married person to lie and con geniune people.

Posted by: LaBelleAme at August 16, 2007 9:54 AM

Heh, I was asked for a divorce via sms. So i acquiesced.

If you're not strong enough to face me with the bad news, then obviously, you do not belong in my life.

Dont let the door hit you on the ass on the way out.

Posted by: DownwardSpiral - not rsvp name at August 15, 2007 11:07 PM

Posted by: roseleigh at August 15, 2007 12:24 AM

Good on you girl ..and YES you did the right thing. If anyone is seriously into you, they shouldn't be messing around on dating sites.

It's no consolation to you that it happens a lot, but my advice would be to check back on the dating site once you have considered 'getting intimate'. If anyone is considering more than just play time, their profile will be hidden or totally removed.

I hope you will be luckier with the next guy.

Posted by: yseult at August 15, 2007 10:57 PM

Hello I have a recent story to add to this list.
This one is a "CLASSIC".
I had been chatting, talking, texting with a great guy through RSVP or (I thought he was). Anyway we seemed to click straight away.
He's in the Army and he had to go on exercise, down south (melbourne way) for around a month, so initially we were not able to meet straight away...okay fair enough!

Anyway after many weeks of infrequent but quality mutual contact either via phone, text etc... He phoned me on the Sunday night after arriving back home.
Our conversation was postive etc... and we both agreed that we wanted to meet asap and see how things went. I knew he was going overseas on a 6 month assignment towards the end of year but he still stated that he was "looking forward to meeting" etc... etc... So the first date/meeting was arranged for the following Tuesday night, (ONLY 2 NIGHTS LATER) all I had to do was text or call him with the meeting place details on the Monday night.
Well well well you could have knocked me down with a feather when at 16:30 hours (army time) on the Monday afternoon I received a "TEXT" message saying that HE had a "good" day and that he had decided that he wasn't going to meet anyone from the net until he came back from overseas!!!!.

After reading that message, I was so stunned and I could not believe that he was not even willing to meet me first before taking that decision, let alone just call me in person to tell me what he was thinking!!!

Poor form I say....backing out via text

BUT Interestingly enough HIS profile is STILL visible on RSVP.

So my question in all this is "Why not remove your profile if you don't have enough guts to meet anyone on the site"???

Posted by: Look4aSuperhero at August 15, 2007 1:15 PM

Would like to hear your feelings on this scenario!!.
I met a guy on rsvp....he seemed great, we had fun together and both seemed to enjoy each others company. His profile stated he was looking for relationship and love. After being together for about 2 months, I realized his profile was still on, so I got a friend to send him a wink, he responded wishing to meet her!!!. I asked him if he was seeing other ppl...he said no, ...by this time I cared for him alot. After 3 months, his profile was still up so (by phone , i dumped him)....he asked WHY? we are getting on so well...why are you dumping me????? And only THEN offered to take it off.....to late I said! What do you think?
Was i right to dump him????

Posted by: roseleigh at August 15, 2007 12:24 AM

I was once told by a girl that if we lived together for three months, she would be entitled to half my property.

Well that was her perception of the law.

It would have been best to dump her just before the three month mark to save further hassles.

And as most of you girls know the property law provisions of the Family Law Act and your local de facto spouse provisions off verbatim, you can check for yourself the accuracy of her perceptions.

BY about 3 months anyway, it probably would have been time for a change of bed linen.

Posted by: EarlWyoming at August 14, 2007 8:22 AM

hi labelleame

read ur comment abt this melbourne guy
if he is the same person you are reffering to,,,girl i fee sorry for you as much as for myself..i fell in love with this creep online, and his plans for a beautiful future and a passionate loving r/ship for us
pls tell me,,is this guy indian/srilankan aussie?
or maybe then he lies about that too! ha!
like u i wondered how he says he has an important IT position and a biz to run, when he was emailing , sms, ph calls to me all the time for many many months, im not from aus....so couldnt really tell how many others he got sucked in
and yes, after him, Absolutely! i will not talk to anybody now if they cant provide a home number
cheers

Posted by: notelling at August 13, 2007 9:29 AM

Great advice from 'labellame' to get home phone number and call it I would like to refer to this as being wise n savvy on line dating ( I am fairly new to this ) but find it interesting and of course I am wary to some degree but there seems to be an air of suspiciousness...I hope I don't become like that if I do I will be moving off. So for both genders use ALL your senses to guage the possibilities of further interest from him/her AND of course ask yourself whether your interest is real and honest. Dating at anytime is hopefully only one part of your life and one also hopefully understands the knowledge that it is life experiences you are having and involved in.....and they come in all shapes and sizes, some sad, some awesome, some ordinary etc. then perhaps one has learned not to place so much attention on that part of your life and instead create a balanced life...where if it doesn't work a rejection will disappoint but not shatter you....

To 'justagirl2' may i take this opportunity to point to what I noticed is key in your experience.You enjoyed a dinner with a lovely guy etc he had a great time and said he would be in touch...now** Here is the mistake you and many women make (including myself)** he said he would be in touch... A few days later YOU text him...... WHY on earth can't we trust that he will call WHEN HE IS READY..and respect his word. Do you see how quickly you have shown him you don't respect him and you want to control the outcome....This is a HUGE mistake in my opinion.

Men take longer to process experiences than we women....we need to learn to wait and slow down but mostly respect that he said he would call so let him!!!! ....what's the hurry...if he had such a great time he will be back believe me, he will want more of the pleasure he felt when with you...AND secondly I reckon men are "built" to be the hunters/pursuers so what is wrong with the "ladies" behaving like ladies (ladies teach men how to be gentlemen)... and allowing time and the natural process to occur...

In my experience this understanding works in my favour and his. Wow that feels better..thanks for space to share rsvp and best wishes to all rsvpers... this is a much needed forum

Posted by: learninglots at August 12, 2007 1:18 PM

Seems that most men I have come across are eager to 'kiss ' but hesitant to pursue... my last date from RSVP involved dinner with a lovely guy that kept me laughing and smiling all night... I thanked him and told him I loooked forward to seeing him again, he indicated that he had a great time and would be in touch. A few days later I text him, to which I got no reply for a day. Then I text him again, this time got a reply saying he'd been hectic at work!! then we spoke that night on the phone, and planned our next dinner date. However, a week passed with no contact whatsoever, so I text him again but never received a reply, not even one saying thanks but no thanks. To me this is the height of rudeness - stringing someone along and not even bothering to tell them that you are no longer interested. Girl's beware!! this seems to be the way it is

Posted by: justagirl2 at August 9, 2007 9:49 PM

For "stayawayfromlosers" and others who posted on 7 and 8 July..have just read what you had to say about the Melbourne man, who seems to appear in this blog a fair bit.

I went thru the exact same thing too. Spoke with his wife, she admitted he was on RSVP playing games and having affairs, and also showed RSVP emails and proof from him admitting he was married and unfaithful.

He is GREAT at carrying on a surreal relationship, through emails and sms. Seems to thrive on the whole thing. Long, emotional emails detailing every aspect of future lives together and sms after sms ad nauseum. I wonder how he manages to hold down his job when he spends so much of the day texting wild fantasies about his new life.

The poor wife confirmed he has a "love addiction".

Just think - if it weren't for this age of technology when we can just begin or end a relationship without ever leaving our chairs, we would never have to put up with married creeps like that.

At least he was stupid enough to put both Sydney and Melbourned suburbs on his profile now. Kind of makes him easy to identify.

To everyone dating online - GET A HOME PHONE NUMBER and call it. I don't even bother anymore with people who don't have a home phone, sad but true, I automatically believe they are sus.

Posted by: labelleame at August 9, 2007 8:31 PM

so you guys out there what does it mean when you get a txt message when they tell u to f**** off. that shows no repect and they only wanted you for that thing they call sex. he didnt care about u at all huh! now i have recently found a guy through rsvp and hes a lovely man but he does quite do it for me .i hope that we can stay friends but i know that wont happen when another female comes along.so i hope i dont have to go through the txting again .whats wrong have i done something be up front guys and let us know how you feel its an easier option .i hate txting. you like to see them face to face and then you know by the look on their face.

Posted by: dizblon at August 8, 2007 11:53 AM

Isn't it funny how modern technology takes the pressure off personal contact? We just seem to be so conditioned by it, it's no wonder many people now take the easy way out. But people should be kind and respectful of others' feelings.
jens8ional - people are conditioned to avoid eye contact - text messages, teller machines, drive throughs, emails.
getmeoffrsvp - good to hear you have bounced back and wishing you luck too.

Posted by: woodnwine at August 7, 2007 1:52 PM

Well i got dumped by email today and well i was pretty suprised how two short sentences could be so cold.My profile on here is pretty straight forward perhaps i should add no players thanks.Met a nice man had a great first date,he initated holding hands,slow dancing,cuddles,he even kissed me on my forehead.(read my profile fellow rsvps he did his homework)He gently hinted crashing at my house(are you all screaming PLAYER???? yet)
I nicely put him off with a sweet farewell and his promise he will be in touch.Jump on RSVP with the nice good luck email and sorry but no chemistry.Was that no chemistry before or after the no do you think?My first thought was to give up all hope of ever finding a gentleman but no i know there are some good hearts out there,unfortunately i got kissed by the wrong rsvper.Warning ladies he is out there in rsvp land.Its never nice to be dumped like that but look at it in a positive light.Dumping by email or txt is just plain bad manners and even more so shows no class.Good luck to all !
Getmeoffrsvp

Posted by: getmeoffrsvp at August 6, 2007 10:31 PM

After 2 years, I was dumped via instant messenger - telling me he'd met someone else. 8 months later I received an email apologising for how he treated me. I suggested we meet up to talk things over. He refused so obviously his apology meant nothing except to make himself feel better. Why are people so gutless?? Is everyone really that afraid of eye contact?

Posted by: jens8ional at August 6, 2007 2:45 PM

Hmmmmmm....we've all been dumped. Texting it is very un-fun. I had one guy dump me several times in one week. I never learn. Oh, my favourite was a midnight dumping with a msg (i had msgd something sweet hours before) that read "its nice you think of me. I think of you too, but I dont think we should be a part of each others future...".
Im a bit sick of those types. :(

Posted by: timemeimreal at August 5, 2007 7:47 PM

I wish I had discovered this blog a few weeks ago...

Like many of the fellow bloggers here, I have recently been dumped via...you guesed it, RSVP! He was a beautiful man, 9 years older who I thought would know what he wanted in life and wouldn't play mind games. Things were amazing until I had a little something telling me to be cautious. On this particular day, my gut was churning and I felt sick in the stomach, next thing you know I found myself logged onto RSVP and low and behold, his profile was back online for all to read with "moving to Syd." I can't tell you how devastated I was!!

Despite being hurt, I'm glad we met. As I'm so busy working full time and running two businesses, he taught me to stop and smell the roses. I'm glad to say I've now taken the time to reinvent myself; I'm back at the gym looking after myself physically, mentally and spiritually. Although my heart is a little bruised, I'm looking forward to seeing what's around the corner.

To all the lovely ladies who may read this, we are extremely lucky to be blessed with "woman's intuition", please trust your gut feeling as I doubt you'll find a time when it's wrong!!

Good luck to everyone out there, may we all find love and happiness :)

Posted by: loumagoo at August 5, 2007 3:49 PM

StillHurt (not my RSVP name) at July 30, 2007 1:28 PM....

He (or she, whoever does such a thing, not relegated to one sex, for the benefit of the super vigillant) is no longer worthy of your attention or the committment to the pain....
To feel such pain after six years must be devastating for you.... please do yourself a favour & move on from it. Not necessarily easy but sometimes what is required is a conscious decision to let it go.
Hope you can do this for yourself.

Posted by: TrumansCat at August 4, 2007 4:46 PM

Well i did the whole email, then txt, then talk procedure...finally met; i liked him, he said he liked me...we talked a heap more times, he promised 2 call...then NOTHING: not a call, not a txt, not even an email...just absolutely nothing.
Rude. Gutless. Hurtful.
Please think about the effects your actions have on genuine, honest people...

Posted by: longnlean at August 3, 2007 11:02 PM

hi " stayawayfromlosers "
yes this guy was in sydney too, he travels there all the time ???
and said to me he was divorced, he had me totally sucked in !
lucky for me im not in Aus, and we had a long-dist r/ship, but man o man all his sweet-talks, all those promises and love he had for me, i still get upset, its been a while but i went into depression and was /stil am very bitter, i just want to see him get strung-along by some smartarse melb girl now and i want to laugh in his face, that and only that will make me smile again
i wonder if we (you and i) can organise a hot chick and get her onto him, just so we can call him and say 'what goes around comes around mate !"
tell me who you are, send me a message or something, also ...is this guy indian aussie?

Posted by: not telling at August 3, 2007 9:53 PM

Being dumped by txt msg is so gutless and pathetic. I was dumped by txt msg after 6 months, after i had to msg her to find out what was going on.

If your going to end it at least have the decency to do it the right way

Posted by: dge_05 at August 3, 2007 4:28 PM

Haven't had experience dumped per-SMS or Email. Never like text or email in relationship as they do not have emotion, feeling,tone and facial expression. If you are in RSVP, its goal not just merely to txt,email or phone but to connect to each other and it can only be done meeting face to face.Dump others via txt or email just show how immature, insecure,unhappy and gutless you are. You want to have it easy and simple as you are terrified to face the truth ( vital for personal growth) and obviously you are not a good one. Act bravely with dignity and we will feel better about ourselves.

Posted by: orient at August 3, 2007 1:48 PM

I don't care what the circumstance, a gentleman or a lady should have the courage to face the other person and explain why the relationship is to end. Everybody on RSVP spouts on about how they are intouch with their emotions and what a "nice" person they are. Hoo har! If you feel that you can't face the other person because of the potential for problems; fine, that's acceptable. If you just decide that you don't give a rat's any more, and take the easy way out, you're a coward! Simple!

Posted by: Phillby1 at August 2, 2007 6:49 PM

For all those of you disheartened souls dumped by SMS no one likes to be dumped especially not in such a disrespectful way. I can but imagine the feelings of rejection, but you need to look further than your bruised feelings and realize they might actually have done u a favour, by saving you wasting any more time on what is obviously a very callous person. Actions speak way louder than words, and as a person with a somewhat shaky intuition, I am a great believer in getting to know people by not so much as what they say, rather what they do.

Posted by: Scarlettt at August 2, 2007 6:18 PM

And just one more thing, i hear a lot about refferance to mind games, i believe a lot of woman do it just to see how many guys they can string alongFor those woman that do it"men have feelings too

Posted by: niceguylookinga at August 2, 2007 2:09 PM

hey, i think it has a lot to do with how your parents bought you up, in the old days you had respect for other peoples feelings,today, anything you say or do seems to be accepted, wether right or wrong

Posted by: niceguylookinga at August 2, 2007 2:06 PM

I had a boyfriend end a relationship on MSN with me at about 1 am. I suppose I should have expected it considering he asked me out in an email...

Posted by: j2130 at August 1, 2007 6:49 PM

I think the technology thing has gotten out of hand to a certain extent.

Everyone seems to rely on texting and emails. The biggest issue is "what if it doesn't get there" and also in writing things can be taken WAY out of context, where as face to face or in a phone call the same comment or joke will be taken as it's meant.

Dumping another person via text is rude and gutless in my opinion. If your not happy, then tell the person, yeah they'll probably be upset or try to talk you out of your decision, but if your making the call, then you should be big enough to give them a reason.

Posted by: RichB79 at August 1, 2007 11:44 AM

all this talk about rudeness ...........and of course none of you are, right?

Posted by: hohoho at July 31, 2007 1:14 AM

In relation to use of SMS: I have come across a couple of guys who have used SMS to ask for and/or cancel dates.

Common decency is to use the bl**dy telephone to call, not to send SMS messages. If someone doesn't have the guts to call for a date or to cancel it (with a decent explanation too), I suspect that they would be equally gutless in their use of SMS to discontinue contact....and then we have those real charmers who just do The Disappearing Act (don't answer calls, SMS, email after you have been seeing them regularly).

Really, all it takes is one short call... eg: "Hi ummm ...Sandra/Sam! I ...ummm don't really know how to tell you this but I met someone else I'm more interested in so I won't be in contact any more...uuuuuuum, bye".

1. She/he won't wait around for a couple of weeks wondering if you are going to call or if something has happened to you
2. They'll get over it faster thinking that you weren't worth it anyway 3. Your conscience will probably feel better in the long run.

Basically, we should end something in a manner that we would find acceptable too....and I suspect that most people would appreciate a phone call - even with an accompanying lame or valid reason.

Posted by: yseult at July 30, 2007 11:39 PM

Posted by: sicumrex at July 28, 2007 12:28 AM

..thanks for your condolences! Life goes on - and so far, so good.

Posted by: yseult at July 30, 2007 11:34 PM

The love of my life dumped me by email after two years of professing undying love. It came out of left field and no reason was given For the next 12 months, apart from just about dying from the pain and being treated for depression, I didnt sleep -- replaying every nanosecond of our relationship searching for clues. I felt I must have missed something very obvious. I ended up in counselling. At the end of the day, I had to accept that there were no clues, no reason, no logic. Two years later after he had returned to his wife (he was separated when we met), he put it right back on me saying that he thought that I would leave him and he would have no-one (I have a professional career) whereas his wife was totally dependent and could not leave him. I thought that was totally pathetic and regardless, did not excuse his actions of dumping me with an email. His excuse for that was he loved me too much and could not do it in person!!!!!!!!!!

Six years later, I still cry when I think of it.,

Posted by: StillHurt (not my RSVP name) at July 30, 2007 1:28 PM

I have used telephone and email, usually I copy the meduim used by the man. So if he asks me for a 2nd date via an email, I say no thanks the same way back. I have used Text once, as that was the way that particular guy contcated me in that encounter! Have to admit that email and text are very easy to manage.

It is a lot harder to say no via the phone or in person, but if I don't feel safe it will be the phone. In person is mostly for the people that I have been closer to and is the hardest of all...but what doesn't kill us makes us stronger and better people!!!!!right???

Posted by: junebaby57 at July 30, 2007 12:52 PM

I have not been dumped by text, just no more comunication, do not take my calls etc. I would never dump a lady by text, it is a total lack of respect for the person and thier feelings.

Posted by: countryboy54 at July 29, 2007 9:10 PM

hey there..
I have ended associations via txt and emails, I don't consider 1 date a commitment therefore I see no harm in it, it has happened to me too, also, it doesn't take long to figure out that I won't be dating them twice (they are usually way older than their pic is) but I have HUGE problems with face to face, I don't know them well enough to know how they will react, I'm sure they can tell though, only once I was very blatent about the pic he had posted, I was cheesed off, and still he was surprised when I txted him saying thanks but no thanks.. I see no harm in it versus a scene in a coffee shop or restaurant... pass

Jude

Posted by: theshorteststraw at July 28, 2007 10:17 PM

There mainly (seem) to be ladies here so from a guys perspective see what you think of this;
1. If you date a guy and he is polite, repectful etc and gave you no cause to complain other than not your type then a phone call or polite email should be fine.
2. If he's a bit of a sleaze but appears mostly harmless then an assertive but polite email or text is more than enough.
3. If he's a bottom dweller and you felt/feel physically unsafe either during or after your date then a text message is prob more than he deserves. Email if you're the extremely polite type.

I'm not trying to give you rules to live by, just food for thought and as I said, from a male viewpoint.

Posted by: Haggisattack at July 28, 2007 5:14 PM

I have just finished writing a"goodbye" email to a man I have been seeing for nearly three months. Am I a coward? No. There have been serious issues that have grown to the point that I have tried to raise them with him but each time I have been put down and not allowed to express my opinion in any shape or form.In short ,verbal agression has been his form of communication. Call me a coward or what you like but I am not willing to be subjected to another verbal outburst by a man who believes communicating is shouting and drowning his partner's opinion out.
Technology has its downfalls but it sure does help in difficult situations such as the one I have been in!

Posted by: romanceme4ever at July 28, 2007 4:01 PM

I feel that texting or emails are a cowards way out. If you don't have feelings for someone or you wish to stop dating them they still deserve to be respected.

Posted by: Gussing at July 28, 2007 11:58 AM

Hello yseult or should I say o hell. I just read your blog in disbelief. You sure landed yourself with a beauty there. I bet you can do with out knowing what you would have missed out on, one can only imagine if one wishes to go there. Frankly i wouldn't. What a piece of work he turned out to be. My sincere condolences to you. Better luck next time.

Posted by: sicumrex at July 28, 2007 12:28 AM

Can't see what all the fuss's about.
Text, Email, Phone, are all fine by me, allthough texting it onto the big screen at Fed Square, is probably a bit over the top!
Didn't see it coming? Maybe A wasn't for effort.Want to have a go at rescueing? Probably left it too late.
Saw it coming? No harm done
Want to have the last word? Do so.
I tell my daughters to use text and email, i feel it's safer.
Everybody hurts sometime

Posted by: muso at July 26, 2007 10:53 AM

Hi All,

We are all meeting people whom we dont know, so why have any real expectations about them? I often wonder why, if we are all so great, are we here in the first place.

To avoid all of the issues cited above, maybe we need to read between the lines. Remember also, most psychotics are attractive, normal looking people.

On the subject of dumping by email or text, dumping is dumping - either way you are still dumped!!

Posted by: notgodsgift at July 25, 2007 4:41 PM

Fortease,

A sensible man!

You are absolutely right! I don't know if you saw my earlier postings but I feel nice emails are fine for ending something after only a few dates, and safer for a woman. The gut feelings are all important in the early stages and sometimes it's hard to say exactly why it's not working.

Having said that, I still much prefer an email, as one can say a lot more and put it together carefully. Sms doesn't allow that and is too short and blunt to show any real consideration for the other person.

I sympathise with those who have had someone cut and run during the date, although it's never happened to me. Even if I know it's not working after 5 minutes, I will continue to enjoy that cup of coffee or meal as after all, we are all human beings. Exceptions to this are, of course, the occasional sleaze after one thing only.

Posted by: PurrrFectMatch at July 24, 2007 10:08 PM

Where have all our manners gone ??? How did we manage our communication 20 years ago...yes we all had to face up to our demons and fears and actually speak to people!!! I believe that dumping someone via text msg is the epitomy of rudeness. What is wrong with verbally communicating - maybe the first couple of emails can be exchanged but then actually talking after that - it creates so much more of a personality picture ..rather than just reading words or the task of deciphering someones self taught text abbreviations......get real - we're adults ( or at least should be behaving like adults) COMMUNICATE the old fashioned way - we might just realise that we actually value relationships, friendships and new encounters more if we did..!!!!!

Posted by: dillys at July 24, 2007 7:50 PM

This is all so enlightening, I've only just joined and am so unsure of the correct etiquette for this style of dating. I just been dumped (I think), but not by text/email/phone, he's just plain disappeared, not returned my calls (only 2) or text messages (1!). So I'm left completely in the dark, and can only assume that he's not interested. HOW RUDE! At least if someone sends a message you can get on with it and move on...

Posted by: smilingsmarty at July 24, 2007 12:47 PM

I can admit to discontinuing contact with someone I had met through RSVP twice. His profile says that he has an athletic build. First time we met I could tell that he was biggish, but thought that the suit and coat were covering up a well-built and muscly frame. Well, second date he appeared in jeans up to his navel with white shirt tucked in.....covering a HUGE gut, it was enough to make me want to run out of the restaurant and head for the hills. But no, I politely sat and thought that I would try to get to know him seeing that he seemed to be a genuinely nice person. All he whinged about all evening was the number of weird things that his RSVP dates had done until now, such as: turning up for a coffee date with a box of KFC - and being a lot larger than her average size stated on the profile, or the one who turned up with her 3 young kids to a 9pm coffee date wearing a velvet tracky etc...

Poor guy, didn't see that his bad table manners, inability to interact appropriately with waiters and the huge gut were equal turn offs. When I returned home I sent an sms thanking him for his company and the meal. He sent an SMS asking if I would like to come over to his place - at 2am. LOL. Then another at 2.15, 2.20. 2.25 until the phone rang at 2.30. I turned my phone off and went to sleep. 9am I turned my phone on again and it was him ringing. 2 text messages later, when he asked why I was ignoring him, I replied by SMS "I always ignore people when I'm asleep". Phone rang again - him. I told him that I would not be seeing him again, that he had showed obvious disrespect by texting and ringing me and asking me to come back to his place when there had been no indication from my part that I would be slightly interested in 'going there' with someone I had met twice. So he invited me out for dinner again that night, I politely declined and said that we were not suited: 1. He was quite a big bigger than athletic, 2. he only talked about his bad RSVP dates and what he had done for his 200 ex-girlfriends at dinner, 3. I don't like men ringing me for booty calls.

He hung up. 2 minutes later he sent an SMS telling me that I didn't know what I was missing out on. I text back that my mind was made up and that I wasn't interested. His last SMS was "go F*** yrself you C***". Such a charming lad.

Sometimes an ending by sms can be a blessing. Those who end long term relationships by SMS are just plain rude though, or too gutless to tell you to your face.

Posted by: yseult at July 24, 2007 12:05 PM

I have a mobile and like texing my close friends but....organising a date or to meet up by tex is sad. what happened to talking.
I had a friend who had been seeing this guy for 8 months and he ended by tex......gutless or what???

Posted by: sweetlady8 at July 24, 2007 10:03 AM

Great blogs, thank you for the insight. I don't understand why it is so hard sometimes to get to know what people are really like until it comes to the crunch. The thing I love about rsvp is when people say on their profiles that they are just after sex. Then it's easy......BLOCK!! When people are mistruthful or pretend to be someone they're not it just makes it so much harder in the long run. I haven't been dumped by text, but found out by answering my boyfriend's phone (we met on rsvp) while he was on night shift one night and i was waiting at his house for him. He used to ring me from work to say how much he missed me so i thought nothing of picking up the phone. It was his ex girlfriend. The one he had bagged out the whole time i was seeing him and saying how glad he was to be rid of. She was surprised to hear I was there and said she had spent the day before with him. I was devestated. Sometimes technology is no fun. Remember at school when we used to pass notes........... I still keep mine in a box. Those are memories.

Posted by: hidingmyname at July 22, 2007 1:05 AM

Yes I did end what was due to be ended by email. I am grounded....contacted by NOT so grounded men who when they first reply are men who have resolved OLD stuff.....sadly ..they just simply havent and well I did take the easy way out. RSVP is a starting point and has no liability to the people who sign up. So you have to take the reply as you find them.......troubled men are never going to write themselves in as just that.....nor troubled women......that is why the site will only ever be as good as your gut instinct. They provide the site ...we as humans need to do the rest.

Posted by: browneyes59 at July 21, 2007 10:43 PM

I think it depends on how far you are into the relationship. If there has only been 1 date, it may be more comfortable to do it via txt or email, wouldn't bother me at all of course it depends on the content of the txt/email. I went on 1 date with a guy from RSVP who divulged to me after 2 weeks of emailing and just prior to our 1st date that he was hearing impaired, whilst I knew this could be difficult as I didn't know if I needed to know sign laguage (which don't) or what would happen, I decided that I would go on the date and see how things panned out, he seemd nice enough. Anyway, no sign language needed as he could speak, albeit very loudly, which was a bit embarrassing because the whole cafe then knew how we had met and basiclly his life story which he told me during the entire date, you know one of those "all about me" kind of people. When I got home, I knew that I didn't want to see him again but didn't know how to go about telling him as he had travelled 2 hours to meet me, I felt a bit bad and I didn't want him to think that it was because he was deaf, it was because I didn't particularly enjoy his company. Anyway no need to worry because he emailed me and told me that he didn't think that we were suited because he had been single for a while and had become "very fussy" about who he dated.......How rude!!! I was fine with the email dumping, if you could call it that after only 1 date, I was a bit put out by his reason behind it. However had he said that to me face to face, it may have turned nasty!

Posted by: Tiga at July 21, 2007 12:06 PM

For those who really behave badly on RSVP - with consistent rudeness, cheating or inappropriate behaviour, couldn't there be a database organised with feedback from various members about members who are thought to be dangerous or behave very badly.....similar to the eBay ranking system for sellers?

Posted by: yseult at July 21, 2007 2:25 AM

Hello all. Haven't been dumped by SMS yet Why? Cause I think it's an absolutely ridiculous form of communication particularly for a mobile phone and I just don't send or read SMS messages as phones are for making phone calls as far as I am concerned and that's all I use them for. Additionally I'm a lousy half finger typist.and I've got better things to do with my hands and time than try to figure out which sequence of keys to push and by which time I could probably have walked or driven to the other persons place and simply said " I'm sorry but I no longer wish for us to be meeting each other". Life used to be starightforward and friendships not treated just "like another message." Cheers Terry

Take Care Be Aware and Beware

Posted by: datelessnotdesperat at July 19, 2007 3:54 AM

What is the boots thing? I am 47 am I too old to understand. I don't have boots should I get some?

Posted by: sixtiessingle at July 17, 2007 7:33 PM

In response to Hidden desires - Where I come from you are not allowed to have mobile phones turned on in court. You're lucky it wasn't confiscated.

Posted by: Hail at July 16, 2007 9:40 PM

Being dumped by any medium hurts LOL, it wouldnt matter if it was sent by a singing clown, it does take courage to end a relationship, an just as much to accept its over, SMS seems cheap through, whats better die wondering or die knowing, an i agree some men may lack nuts in this situation
...manpaps....LOL

Posted by: BLUEBYEU1 at July 15, 2007 11:55 PM

Its plain rude and I can't believe that the world has gone sms crazy and this is how we all communicate to each other. What is wrong with good old fashioned picking up the phone and having a conversation. If its time to call off the relationship have the decency and honesty to communicate to that person either on the phone or in person. There is just no respect, honesty left in the world anymore ! Very sad....

Posted by: areutheone37 at July 15, 2007 4:42 PM

Spiff1...only a couple of pretty women? Hey don't limit yourself... and Happy Birthday for Sept ..hehe

p.s yes it was ALL tongue in cheek...

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at July 15, 2007 2:00 PM

I just had a bad experience myself.....I was seeing a man who was pursuing me, taking me out to dinner, lunch even bought me a pair of boots? any way he liked the idea of not making any kind of contact with me through the week to make me miss him, he actualy told me this, then last week he got sick so on saturday i sent him a text hoping he felt better, no reply so I thought I had better ring his home, no answer, so I rang his mobile, no answer, waited until that night at about 9pm thought bugger this I think he is playing games or just doesnt have the balls to end it so i had no choice but to end it through text message.

Posted by: Nicky at July 15, 2007 12:17 PM

hi i would love 2 meet acoupleofpretty women is that possible im38 39sep 5is there any women out there uthink would b keen im chrisxxxooo

Posted by: spiff1 at July 15, 2007 11:04 AM

In my opinion at the end of the day sms messaging unless only used for communicating basic information like "i'm running 5 minutes late" is a cop out and lazy. Nothing beats real conversation with someone be it over the phone or face to face.
And my personal experience is so many people seem to hide behind the ease of a text message.

Posted by: givemeareason2 at July 15, 2007 10:28 AM

I'd be happy to be dumped by sms...has anyone else had the misfortune of seeing a guys profile still up when you have slept with him....then you date him again and find the profile still there a week later...amended!!!! Then when you call to see what the deal is he doesn't have the decency to actually end it and asks you how it reads..is it okay...honestly had to get some serious therapy after that one!!!

Posted by: marrianne (not rsvp name) at July 14, 2007 1:12 PM

I have been a victim of the e-mail dumping. The worst thing was that after she told me that she wasn't ready to give up he single life (fair enough) and would remove herself from RSVP she was back on here with a new RSVP name.

Posted by: Jaxson7 at July 14, 2007 2:07 AM

May I play Devil's Advocate?
I consider myself a reasonably "nice" guy, and the last two women I've dated - separately, of course - have finished it by e-mail. In the limited time I'd had to get to know each of them, there had never been any arguments or disagreements and neither had seen (or made) me angry. They weren't to know whether I was the kind of guy who'd make a scene or become verbally or physically abusive. (For the record : probably not, no and absolutely not.) ;-)
Anyway, in both cases it was a bit soon for them after... and it was safer for them to phrase this exactly as they wished, and not feel awkward if I tried to talk them out of it.
I did reply to this weeks' lady, thanking her for the opportunity to get to meet her, that we had fun, and left it short and sweet. Not to have 'the last word', but just to show there weren't any hard feelings.
Ending a relationship is as much about a 'gut feeling' in the early days, and if you're not comfortable around him, then I think it's reasonable to end it on your own terms.

Posted by: fortease at July 13, 2007 10:22 PM

I just got dumped on wed over text message by a guy ive been seeing for awhile but its long dist im in qld he in vic. He told me tues night he loved me n wanted to marry me.... wed night it was over by text message... go figure...

Posted by: diamondgirl87 at July 13, 2007 10:22 PM

Hiddencharms;
My father never told me that!

Glad you got a laugh from my profile. At least its different (I think so anyway).Looks like mostly ladies posting here. Wonder why that is?
Keep looking ladies. We are out there. It may take a while but it will be worth it I know.

Posted by: Haggisattack at July 13, 2007 9:43 PM

No Heidi, you were still wrong to dump him the way you did. I have the same feelings as you about smoking (see my profile), but you made a choice to see him again despite the fact that you knew he smoked. It is irrelevant to the way you dumped him that he did or didn't heed what you said in your profile about smoking. To us, you were witty in your text, but NOT to him. I was very surprised that you expected him to 'work it out' or come to a compromise. Why would you? It sounds as if you're not learning by experience. Personally, I would have dumped him at the first date on the assumption that he couldn't read.

Posted by: Chopsticks at July 13, 2007 7:58 PM

In response to Hidden Desires: I hope you've learned your lesson. I am the type of person to send emails that I fit into the subject line, but I only do this with people I know extremely well. This method and txting is a highly inappropriate way to communicate with someone you don't know that well, and especially for a date/dinner. Height of bad manners springs to mind. As a researcher, I would suggest that most of us use text because a) we don't want to pay for a phone call, b) to enable the recipient to pick up the msg if they're in a meeting or tied up, c) we need a simple yes/no answer to a question. If it's anyone (male or females) can't be bothered to pick up a call and engage, I wouldn't take them seriously. I'd also think they had problems communicating in person or they were too mean to make a simple phone call.

Posted by: Chopsticks at July 13, 2007 7:38 PM

It all boils down to who the person is..I like txt.. I am busy at work and helps me keep in touch ..u also get straight to the point BUT anyone who dumps somebody by txt is a coward ...email ok if you have only just met and deciding whether to take it further..but if a relationshop has begun then shame... re dinner tonight ..i would have simply txt yes and where?.....lol

Posted by: gvsm at July 13, 2007 6:56 PM

Hi All. This is basically a test, as most of last few posts in different blogs have been lost in cyberspace. Sorta like my social life I guess.
Ciao

Posted by: Notfos at July 13, 2007 1:01 PM

Email and SMS is great - it means men actually communicate. In the "good old days" dumping a girl involved just never calling her again, leaving the girl wondering what was going on. Now he can actually tell her "there was no chemistry" or whatever, and she can move on. Better to know the truth and deal with it than be left wondering...

Posted by: pritty1 at July 12, 2007 11:22 PM

haggisattack: What a lovely tip for us wee lassies! Like our fathers never told us that all of those years ago....nice sentiment anyway. Had to sneak a peak at your profile - not too many men out there think like you do!
Your sense of humour shines through! It made my night!

Posted by: hiddencharms at July 12, 2007 9:06 PM

Well at least its informing somebody that they have been dumped! I just love the guys who quietly fade off into the distance without saying anything after you have been on 3 or 4 dates...and on those dates they tell you that they feel like they have known you for ages etc etc.... Now that shows real class, as well as being completely gutless - and not altogether honest!

Posted by: hillsgirl66 at July 12, 2007 5:34 PM

OK this is very timely. I have just ended an almost-relationship by SMS and email.

The circumstances are as follows: one month ago I met a very nice guy (off this site) who appeared instantly taken with me. We had drinks, dinner and great conversation. Something was bugging me though and when I realised what it was confronted him: You smoke, don't you? He admitted it, said he was trying to quit. My profile says distinctly "No Smokers" but for some reason when I had check out his, had not looked at the smoking section (assumed that guys would understand that I was not interested if they smoked).

By then it was too late. I decided I liked him enough to see him again and give him the benefit of the doubt - if he was genuinely trying to give up I would be supportive and hang around as long as necessary. But, I stressed, no way would I get into intimate until he'd lost the smokes.

We had one more date, which went well, again with no intimacy, and thereafter many long phone conversations. During some of these I could hear him exhaling, or lighting up. When I quizzed him on how his QUIT campaign was going he would say things like "Don't ask" or joke about it or change the subject.

Four weeks to the day, nothing had changed. I talked to my friends who said: don't waste your time, he has no intention of quitting, he's addicted; if he really cared about you and/or wanted a relationship he would make the effort, etc etc. In fact I had already worked this out for myself but being told face to face reinforced my belief.

Hence my decision to send an SMS: "The good news is - you don't have to give up smoking, and the even better news is that you don't need to see me again. What's your home address so I can send the books (he had lent me) back?" His response was a terse email saying "Don't bother - keep them; good luck in your future endeavours" with no offer to discuss the issue or perhaps try and work around it.

In the above case I think SMS is ideal: we were never in a relationship, had seen each other exactly twice, and since by his actions he was affirming: "you aren't worth quitting for", what better way of pulling the pin?

Heidi

Posted by: heidifromwestoz at July 12, 2007 1:57 PM

I was recently dump via email first and then txt. then when the face to face happened I was told to GET LOST and DON'T COME BACK. no reason given, just had my feelings crushed and dreams broken in 2 mins flat.

but dumping someone in that way is guttless and is only a cowards way out of a relationship.

Posted by: carlost291969 at July 12, 2007 1:25 PM

After 25 years I got SMS via mobile phone to find letter in bedside drawer. She had disappeared. She also messaged my daughter to run straight to me at that same message instant. Found her through the ATM network 10 days later. Wish I had never bothered. GUTLESS is an understatement !

Posted by: Ducatisupersport at July 12, 2007 12:11 AM

1 more thing whilst I'm on my soap box. Girls here's a clue for determining how serious a guy is about you. Make him wait for a month or even 2 before you sleep with him and make him aware that he is going to have to wait. If he's a player he'll move on to easier targets. Us good guys will wait and EXPECT to.

Posted by: Haggisattack at July 11, 2007 9:37 PM

Hi Folks,
I think we have to face the fact that it's a 'use it a coupla times then chuck it' society. On line dating seems to promote this and I'd guess guys are prob more guilty than gals. (That will prob stir things up but I'm a guy) If a date/meet doesn't work out exactly the way you want it to then so what, chuck them and get someone else. No need to give them a second chance. God knows there are hundreds of others to choose from. Once this attitude takes root then the method of ending a relationship of whatever length becomes unimportant be it by phone or face2face. I've only been with RSVP for a few days but after reading some of the stuff in the blogs and your posts I'm thinking of deleting my profile and just taking my chances in the real world as opposed to the cyber one.

Posted by: Haggisattack at July 11, 2007 9:06 PM

I think dumping via email is fine - if email (such as RSVP) is the way you met each other - and it's very early in the relationship (1 or 2 dates). If you have been on more dates than that then, I think, courtesy dictates a phone call.
If a couple met in a forum other than email - well, perhaps a phone call.
Either way, it's hard for the dumper, as well as the dumpee. However it's done, courtesy should be used.
Regards,
DiP

Posted by: duskinperth at July 10, 2007 9:55 PM

I have to say - texts can be handy if you're just meeting up but don't see a text conversation as being any different to one face to face. Can't stand the lapses into inexplicable silence...you wouldn't turn your back and walk away mid sentence so don't do it via text. A simple "gotta go" makes all the difference.

Dumping terrible term but expedient)via text or email is just a grub act really. It's never fun for either party and can be extremely awkward but really some level of respect and consideration doesn't go amiss. resorting to text or email just makes the recipient feel as if that weren't worth even the smallest courtesy.

Having said that...if the recipient a lack of dignity and graciousness could result in the dumper resorting to textual methods - it's just as hard to dump as be dumped!

Posted by: kezmadez at July 9, 2007 4:34 PM

Posted by: not telling at July 7, 2007 11:22 AM

whats with guys that after dating you send you an email going not interested, i mean you can be not interested in so many things but dating someone is not what you would call the interested thing.

a better break up line would be better than that statement and i think im definitely worth more than that line. dont you??
this wasnt a five minute date or a couple of txts any more and he flicked me quicker faster and the way he thought was easier, too bad he missed a good thing.

i can think of 10 things im not interested and it doesnt include dating someone so for someone to be so blase about a relationship like that is utterly crap and ridiculously stupid, i m glad other ppl have had the same response because it means that i m not thinking the same thing about how idiotic that "im not interested" line is.

Posted by: oh well at July 8, 2007 10:10 PM

iamqhomerclees...Thank you for your support. cheers

Posted by: Aliane at July 8, 2007 8:30 PM

I absolutely know who the Melbourne guy is. He was in Sydney and had 3 different names and next thing I see, he has a new name and now is in Melbourne. I was contacted by his wife saying he is being unfaithful and using rsvp as his medium for deception. RSVP suspended his membership on 2 occasions when he was in Sydney. When I told them he was back and under another name, they didnt respond. There needs to be some sort of vetting system.

Posted by: stayawayfromlosers at July 8, 2007 6:56 PM

I got dumped by a RSVP current member in a text msg. She is a very attractive Adelaide girl & I had been seeing her for a couple of months & was falling in love with her when out of the blue I get a sms telling me that she's not interested. It lacks respect & integrity. Funny thing is she is still on the site. Why is this when she is so attractive??? Maybe because she is selfish & dishonest! Beware Adel guys.

Posted by: james110 at July 8, 2007 4:54 PM

I am a first time blogger also. Please tell me what I did wrong I didn't even make it to txt or email when I got dumped. I was emailing this guy and we chatted on the phone a couple of times we arranged to meet then he said he had to go to Brisbane he gave me some dates when he could see me after his trip, I picked a date wished him well on his trip and guess what I never heard back from him I wasted time and a stamp on this jerk we should be allowed to ban these blokes from RSVP that don't have the guts or morals to end it properly. I have now had my say and I feel a whole lot better.

Posted by: Happyonec at July 7, 2007 8:35 PM

First time blogger so go gently. I have been on RSVP for about a week now and i have been lurking in the blogs for a few days. Have to say i used to think i would rather be dumped in person. From the womans (mainly, there are wierd women out there too) it would certainly be safer to break up by e-mail or text.
Aliane totally agree with you blocking him. Whats the old saying? "if you love something/one set it free. If it comes back its yours. If it doesnt then it never was."

Posted by: iamqhomerclees at July 7, 2007 3:21 PM

if the txting age is here and its all done by txt, how come he gets so many girls sucked in i wonder, i was one of the statistics...ladies theres this 'loser on the loose ' !!
hes in Melb, whats a gutless guy, picks up somebody online and hes so smooooooth u wouldnt believe it if i told ya!
well, hes only after one thing, and once hes got it.. he thinks why bother breakin up properly, when can do it by sms!!
this guys a regular girls, he is so loving , so caring when hes wooing the girl, with me im long-distance , i didnt get to meet him , but he was into me for nealry 2 months NON stop ph calls, emails, chat etc..then this sms saying 'bye....hes not into it anymore !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
wonder if his folks taught him any manners at all , and whether he went to school at all!

Posted by: heknowsiknow at July 7, 2007 11:42 AM

about this gutless melbourne guy , im sure hes got all the Melb girls sucked in.
well, we talked like mad for about 2 months, and he carried on such conversations..unbelievable!! abt how good a dad he might be even!! (to my 10yr old) all that sweet-talk, i suppose it went to my head, and i was fallin in love with him , when all of a sudden i get a sms from him sayin hes not interested and bye....i was driving at the time, pulled over and wanted to call him right there and then and say' dont u have the balls to call me and tell me over the ph atleast!"
cos lets not forget hed call me ALL the time on ph, what happened to all those occassions when i took the bloody time to talk to him, regardless of how busy i must have been at the time, obviously these so-called nice guys with good upbringing and values, have no guts, no manners, and no love to give anybody...reeks of selfishness and also im 100% sure he does this all the time to the Melbourne girls

Posted by: soul4soul5 at July 7, 2007 11:32 AM

i got led on and on and on by this guy in Melbourne, he was just sooooo keen on me,i felt id found my soulmate atlast..only to get a txt from him after abt 2 months of constant ph calls,long long long emails etc etc,,,txt said not interested anymore bye...i thought wow i came close to being with this total loser! ladies i feel hes a regular on this dating thingy,and always will be ha!

Posted by: not telling at July 7, 2007 11:22 AM

I met a potential guy through here....first few dates was really excellent, thoughts I finally met my match but unfortunately I was dumped via sms.... I told him by the end of 2006 I'll be away for business trip as I have to deal a new business proposal from foreign land.....I waited his reply.....knowing to support me but....I received from his SMS reply....saying..."how about this Dont Contact me again"! ....shocking really!.....I reply his SMS...saying ...Your unreasonable and selfish...I wished You dont Regret what You have Said".

Simple as that.... two weeks later asking for second chance to reconcile and asking forgiveness. He explained doesn't want me to be away from him....reason why he dumped me in SMS..but I made-up my mind and decision, so I texted him...saying ..Two words I will say..."NO WAY". So I blocked him from my mobile phone and my email addy.......Is that Cruel?....he deserved it...he realized he lost a fortune....

Posted by: Aliane at July 6, 2007 6:45 PM

I met this guy one day after our initial chat ...dated 1 and half weeks.. saw each other most days.. it was around my exams time so I asked for a few days to study etc etc we still spoke to each other every day.. the day my exam finish ..we spoke as usual ..next day no calls from him .. I called a few times he never answered the phone..did not answered my txt... I used my flatmate phone.. he answered as he did not recognize the number.. surprised .. mm said he was busy .. it was so weird ... I was shocked .. no not shock .. hurt .. he wasn't my type of guy to date .. but i was starting to like him .. ..... it was the weirdess experience ...
as I thought every thing was great ... fantastic ...i spoke to him and he was givin me alot of bs... so I let it go .... 1 wk later he chat me up on msn ...and we basically agreed to see each other again ... next day I txted..no answer to the txt ...a few days later I was stuck at work.. so I gave him a call ... no answer..... I was basically frantic thinking this dude was in an accident. died or some thing .. as I couldn't beleive what was happening....next day .. guess what .. I saw him on rsvp... I send a txt of course saying what a awful person he was...never replied of course.

I'm a nice girl .. I've never done any thing like that to any one .... it was one painful experience .... yes I've moved on ... but I thought this guy was nice .. he was always going on of how honest he was.......it was the frantic worrying that some thing happened to him that got to me ... never heard from him.. i think he deleted his profile off here ...
never wish a devious thought on some one ... but God i hope some one set this guy right .. and I want to be there to see it ..
Thanks for the read

Posted by: Maha at July 5, 2007 11:47 PM

Hey Melbgirl1275...same thing happened to me, tho I got "its not how you think it is" 3 times, via text, email and on msn. Silly boy never actully explained "how it is", I gave up wondering how it is about 5 minutes later, figured I really didnt need to know!

I think an email is fine, a text isnt.

Posted by: Beachmouse at July 5, 2007 10:18 PM

Been dumped (same darling) several times electronically including 'GO & KCUF SOMEONE ELSE' and kinda think that it epitomises the complete lack of emotional intimacy that derailed the otherwise close 2yr relationship. Expect it fr a teen - not a 40 something!

Posted by: xxxHONESTxxx at July 5, 2007 7:44 PM

What about when they half dump you by email. I have one that I have not met. We have been chatting by email for about a month. He sends an email today sayingyou are lovely and it has been nice to get to know you but your have things going on in your life but bye for now. Is it on or is it off? I would say yes, why not just get to the point.

Posted by: sixtiessingle at July 5, 2007 5:36 PM

I went out with a chap for over eighteen months.
It wasnt until well into the relationship that I realised why he made so many visits to the toilet when we were together for a weekend. At first I was concerned for his health.
His phone and PDA was with him always - and what the rat was doing was texting and sending/receiving emails to and from other women all of that time. He was keeping up his other "friendships" while he was out with me. How is that for gall.

Posted by: petiteoriental at July 5, 2007 2:12 PM

the txting age is here to stay I've just realised. I tried to call a guy just last night to end a very weird month and he flat out refused to answer his phone. Instead he txted me with "I will not pick it up" 3 times. Go figure - you can try to do the right thing but I'm not if it's expected anymore. These days it seems that people are happy to use technology for the easy way out in life. xx

Posted by: theone4u67 at July 4, 2007 11:21 PM

I initially thought that being dumped via text/email message was the cowards way out of doing things - then I met a guy, we went out a few times, text messaged, phone calls and emailed all the time, then he decided that he didn't want to see me. That's fine, but the way he decided to 'tell' me was to not reply to phone messages or texts. I would much prefer a simple text telling me he's no longer interested - much better than wondering what's happening. As I said initially - I thought it was the cowards way, but it's much better than just not answering at all!

Posted by: melbgirl1275 at July 4, 2007 11:21 PM

Well the latest guy to contact me ,i talked to him on the phone and he knew i worked shifts and my roster was done in advance and my ex is not intown to babysit,and my parents are elderly,well after me calling him and txt i asked if we could meet,but he said our schedules where a poor prospect even if he knew i was family oreientated and was busy with work.So last night i got dumped without meetin him,oh well his loss.
Don't understand guys that contact you when you say your child is your priority?

Posted by: sparlkingfun07 at July 4, 2007 6:19 PM

As I read through these blogs my mind set altered.
Originally, I agreed with the people that said texting/email dumping was rude and gutless etc. As I believe that, probably more apt for a male, it is always best to let people know these things in person. But I can understand the argument of ending the dating from a females point of view, where she is not entirely sure of the reaction from a guy she only "just" knows (especially after 2-3 dates and they know it's not for them).
But, if you have been in what's called a relationship - then certainly the best way (as hard or difficult as it may be) is to end it in person. Be honest but respectful when doing it, but it must be face to face.

Posted by: Notfos at July 4, 2007 2:49 PM

Even in relationships that have been challenging I take the time to make the call.
It may be short & to the point but at least the person then has not been left hanging & wondering...

And I like your advice sixtiessingle..... not about the food on the floor but the three day rule.
We women (don't know if it's like this for men) tend to imagine all sorts of excuses why they haven't rung.

I have just taken on another rule, thanks sixtiessingle.

Posted by: TrumansCat at July 4, 2007 1:03 AM

If she dumps you by SMS.

SHE'S NOT WORTH IT

Posted by: PrinceAzzuro at July 3, 2007 11:25 PM

Datelessdreamer and tooscared to reveal you silly people giving out your telephone numbers. It is simple to buy a prepaid phone card for your mobile phone. You give out that number to whomever you contact and if the caller becomes persistent and you don't want him/her to call you anymore just don't recharge the card. Buy another card and get another number. I do it and it works well.

Posted by: activities please at July 3, 2007 10:51 PM

WEll yes.... there are those who dump by text AFTER they have met you then there are those who dump BEFORE. They are special.
Not as special though as the ones who like to text explicit messages BEFORE one meets them. No THAT is rude.

Posted by: RobinaDominique at July 3, 2007 4:55 PM

Thanks for all advice on my unwelcome admirer! After dodging his calls all weekend, hanging up on him very early on Sunday morning (I was still asleep after my mother's 60th birthday party) and sending him to answering machine all morning this morning, he caught me unawares - demanding to know why I had blocked him on RSVP and never at home to answer his calls. I very clearly told him to STOP calling, that his "flattery" had become possessive and even scary for someone I had not even met. So, guess what? He asked me if I wanted to meet for a drink to discuss it! Without answering him, I hung up, very loudly and very rudely. I just could not think of what kind of desperate insecurities or insanitiy I was dealing with. So I agree with all who gave advice - silence is golden. As in the case of "Revenge" I am oh so grateful that I never told him where I live! I have even changed my profile name so that, hopefully, he can't track me. I stand by my philosopy - I may be dateless, but I'm not that DESPERATE for attention that I have to put up with that. I will also be even more careful about who I choose to even make contact with in the future. Thanks again for advice and support. Nice to think that someone out there agrees with my morals and life practices, and agrees that this guy is just too over the top!

Posted by: datelessdreamer at July 2, 2007 5:03 PM

to datelessdreamer....
I too had this experience.... rang me at 2AM because up to that point I was unavailable.
I too felt suffocated.... messages on msg bank, text messages, emails, phone calls...
I did do the right thing & called him to say "no more", no more involvement.... I did like him but his behaviour was taking a route I wasn't comfortable with.

Posted by: tooscaredtoreveal at July 2, 2007 1:49 PM

to datelessdreamer:

Constant calls from someone you don't personally know is called stalking and it is an of fence.

If you know his Phone number give it to the police and they will stop him. No is No in anyone's language, whether it is no to phone calls or anything else.

He sounds mentally unstable.

Posted by: Sonn at July 2, 2007 8:59 AM

How sad it is that all the comments on this topic (and others) seems to be from people who are genuine to find a potential relationship.

I have found that texting to say a thank you for a great evening works very well. I use a motto: "I play my cards depending how they are dealt".

What does that mean? If a guy initiates contact via text, I follow his lead. If he calls, I follow that lead too.

Sometimes it starts with emails, then text, then calls.

In my last experience (a couple of weeks ago). We talked for long hours on messenger (due to the temporary distance as he was away on holidays). Then while he was still away the occasional text message and when we finally came back home it was phone calls.

Why go back to text to tell me tell me that "something unexpected has cropped up and I won't be able to make it tonight. I'll bell you later to explain. I'm really sorry."

Immediately that made me feel suspicious. It so turned out that after three weeks of ongoing communication and finally meeting, his ex drops the bomb that she would like them to get back together.

At least I had an apology and later on an email saying he was sorry (again) and that I was truly a very special person.

It's all very sad. And again, I still have that hope inside me that I will meet a guy who appreciates who I am, complement each other and make each other a better person.

Posted by: Cheerfulkitten at July 2, 2007 1:02 AM

The silent treatment does it. I have the three day rule. If you don't hear from someone in three days they are not interested. I was inspired to make this rule because my ex-sister-in-law had the three second rule. She dropped a piece of food on the floor once picked it up and ate it. Her theory was after three seconds the food was still consumable! I guess after three days a contact is still worthwhile. Funny logic but it may work.

Posted by: sixtiessingle at July 1, 2007 9:25 PM

Yes, some people are gutless the way they end relationships. However, if they haven't got the intestinal fortitude/spine to break off a relationship face to face would you really want to be with them? Too weak for words.

Posted by: sleeplessintheburbs at July 1, 2007 8:58 PM

Datelessdreamer -

I have more than one suggestion. silence should speak volumes to this guy. Hopefully if you have done this he will give up and move on. He sounds very desperate and insecure. I imagine he has trouble dating so he feels this avenue is easier to get contact from females. Then he just doesn't know what to do.
If ignoring him doesn't work i would text him so your not getting into a conversation with him. to the point but not rude or aggressive. Just that you would prefer to not keep in contact and wish him well in his search. if he persists either threaten or block his number! That should fix it :)

Hope it helps.

Posted by: oceanview77 at July 1, 2007 6:08 PM

Dumping someone by telecommunications is schoolyard crap. It's gutless, unless the other party is being abusive, verbally or physically, then that's an exception.

But telecommunications are fast becoming the root of all evil in relationships. Pretty soon, we'll be able to order a clone through the damn things!

Posted by: NunyaBizness at July 1, 2007 1:07 AM

hi guys,
not the topic I know but ... to all my fellow bloggers who 'kiss' me.. i will not request emails from bloggers and i know how precious and expensive stamps are.. in saying that should you chose to email me I will correspond with you.
I love readings everyones opinion and you guys always make me smile.. often laugh out loud..

Posted by: shybutperky at June 30, 2007 9:18 AM

OK guys. I have a problem that I'd love advice on how to handle. I have this guy who won't take no for an answer. We made contact a couple of weeks ago and he seemed nice. He now constantly rings, texts, emails, leaves messages. We have not even met yet. Last night, I left the phone off the hook until after midnight. Guess what? The very minute I reconnected the phone, he was ringing and demanding to know what I was doing...Now how do I tell someone who at first appeared quite normal, that he is suffocating me and that I don't owe him any explanations to my activities?

Posted by: datelessdreamer at June 29, 2007 10:53 PM

I just read revenge's account of being dumped and think that such appalling behaviour will almost certainly bring bad karma. Someone as unthinking and rude as that won't find any worthy person willing to put up with him for too long. So it's fairly certain he will spend his latter years as sad, lonely and miserable b*****d.
Get out there and try again revenge. He is not worth giving up your social life for. But where rsvp is concerned I think you just develop a thicker skin after a while.

Posted by: at June 29, 2007 4:40 PM

No matter how much discussion goes on re this topic it will still happen because we are dealing with the human race here.

My advice to all victims: listen to it, learn from it, accept it and roll with it.

If you carry the hurt you not only hurt thge initial time but you have allowed them to take and hold a bit of you.
Don't let them! Turn it around by taking my advice (above) and own and prosper from the life lesson that they gave you.

Posted by: shilo6 at June 28, 2007 12:14 PM

Good ol texting topic...
I feel to leave short msgs like "be there in 5min" or "thinking of you" etc are great. Helpful or sweet texts can make my day. To try to have a conversation though via text (and i am very surprised how many men actually do this not just women) is just too hard and I let my friends and dates know this.
I have been dumped via text and email and I let them know how gutless and disrespectful they are. I have actually given someone a serving via email. They then rang to appologise. I was very blunt with them without being abusive and it worked.
I have never had a problem with saying to sayone... "thankyou for the coffee or the time we have spent together. I would prefer to leave it. I wish you well or take care" nothing more nothing less. I think if more men and women did that, it would really be appreciated by the other person. To be honest and tactful is I think what everyone wants when a date or dates are not working out for that person. Short and to the point people... the less you say but being direct the less you dig yourself a hole or allow it to becomes uncomfortable. Just let the other person know where they stand and wish them well ! :)

Posted by: oceanview77 at June 28, 2007 11:15 AM

After a great date I usually send a short sms to say thanks for a lovely evening. I like to express my appreciation (especially if they've gone out of their way to make it a nice one) and it hopefully also provides some encouragement for them to ask me out again.

Posted by: Riversong1 at June 27, 2007 9:51 PM

Thanks dt1974. I hope you're right about the three beers thing, because I've now had several emails back asking why, even though I thought I had explained.

Do I really have to give specific details as to every reason why I chose not to follow up after only two dates, and then make him feel like a total loser?

However you look at it, two dates is not a relationship, and as there was even no intimacy, why do I get grilled so much about it.

louduc. I can understand the being honest face to face thing, but when someone puts you on the spot at the end of a first date, and you're undecided at that moment whether to pursue it or not, it's hard to give them a response, which is why people fudge around about a second date. If it's not an instant attraction, having time to think about it helps. On the other hand, if it's a hopeless situation I would always tell them there and then.

Posted by: PurrrFectMatch at June 27, 2007 8:20 PM

My ex boyfriend was too gutless to say it to my face. We were together for 2 years and he left me for another women ..........

After 2 years you'd think he would of had the common descency to tell me face to face instead of hiding behind the buttons of a mobile.

He broke my son's heart aswell as mine because I had to explain to my son that he was not coming back.

It is the most crueliest way to brake up with some one.

I have experienced all the heart ache and emotions that come with it and I will never make some one suffer like that just to give myself the easy way out.

Posted by: honest1985 at June 27, 2007 3:49 PM

After reading the "updated" blog...I find it kind of ironic that one who is telling us (via the blog) how bad it is to not be upfront and honest, etc. is blatantly guilty of the same thing...hahaha that's too funny....or is it hypocritical...ah well....goes with the rest of the "not-so-honest" bits you read on profiles...take it with a grain of salt I say.....if they can't be above board to start with, what the heck would they have done further down the track!

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at June 27, 2007 12:01 PM

Hi

I have been dumped via text, e-mail and the 'silent treatment'. What frustrates me is that you meet someone, they seem interested and make tentative plans for a second date and then you never hear from them again.

Is it really that hard to say you don't want to see someone again? Guys say they can be honest and want honesty in return, but it doesn't seem to happen that often.

We are all grown ups here and I thought part of being adults is being able to be honest. Or maybe I am wrong?

louduc

Posted by: louduc at June 27, 2007 11:22 AM

PurrrFect Match - I think your idea is good. I tend to use email to check about a possible second date for almost the same reason.
Sometimes, at the end of a date I'm not sure if the other person is as keen as I am, so I'll tell them I had a good time and leave it at that. Later that night/next day I'll send them an email saying I had a good time, would they be interested in doing it again.
To me, it gives them time to think, it doesn't put them in an awkward end of date situation where they have to either say yes to a 2nd date they may not be sure about or reject me right there.
If you've had 2 dates and you can tell it isn't going to work, I'd be happy with an email saying as much, but think being polite but firm/unambiguous is the key.
After 2 dates, the wounded pride only lasts until about the 3rd beer on Friday night anyway :)

Posted by: dt1974 at June 26, 2007 10:32 PM

This is very similar to an apology : if you behaved poorly over SMS ... you apologise via SMS.

If you behaved poorly in person ... you present your apology personally.

If the relationship was on a intimate level, it's demise should be dealt with in the same manner.

Which is why ending a sexual relationship with sex is such a challenge !!!

Posted by: HappyYetHopeful at June 26, 2007 9:36 PM

My boyfriend of 12 months dumped me over the phone and said "i have nothing more to say". He rang me twice after that but didn't answer if I rang him. Who can be bothered with that? Better off single than with a gutless wonder, I think.

And if I meet someone and I'm not interested, I offer friendship -unless they are a total nutcase!

Posted by: gracesmiles at June 25, 2007 10:54 PM

see, now, I just got a nice email this evening. Had a date organised for thus evening. Even had exchanged mobile numbers. Unfortunately the woman in question had a wonderful date with another person over the w/e and has cancelled our date.
She obviously felt bad, but at least she didn't just disappear without a word.
Now thats what emails are for.

Posted by: dayan at June 25, 2007 10:31 PM

I agree it is cowardly to end a relationship via texting or emails etc.
I have been on a number of first dates where men have texted me afterwards to ask me out again and if the answer is either a positive or negative one I do respond back by texting.Some men are too afraid to pick up the phone and texting to them is a way to initiate contact without being under too much pressure.

Texting has its pitfalls though eg. potential for misinterpretation,possibility of delayed sent/received messages(which can lead to more drama!!!)

I must admit receiving a postive text from a date especially straight afterwards brings a smile on my face. So texting isn't that bad after all!

Posted by: romanceme4ever at June 25, 2007 6:57 PM

Hopefaithlove, so very true what you say: how can we expect someone to love us, if we don't love ourselves?

Agree - emotions come and go like the weather, but committment is like the sun - you know it's still there, even if it IS cloudy and grey (if not, think how many times we would have fostered out our kids!)

Agree - fabulous life and feeling good about ourselves is the best cure for relationship break-up.

Posted by: Riversong1 at June 24, 2007 7:45 PM

I totally agree with you Hopefaithlove, we need to be at peace and love ourselves. Being happy in life comes from within ourselves. We should work on that first and foremost before trying for a relationship. If we don't do this it becomes too hard.
I'm very independent and have a full life but whenever I start dating my time becomes consumed by someone else. I don't really think I am ready for that. I'm too selfish with my time now.
After being burned by someone on RSVP too I am taking a lovely long sabbatical and working on being the best me that I can be.
You are right on with the best revenge! Living well!!!

Posted by: Wishingandhoping at June 24, 2007 3:43 PM

Patience - Yes, he was a married man as I later discovered.

He was on RSVP again under another different name. (Third time)

To confirm this, a friend of mine sent him a kiss and an email. His life story was totally different to the one given to me.

I am a strong believer in Karma and I left it at that.

Wishingandhoping - How did I know he was back on RSVP under a different name. Easy, it actually happened by accident. I was updating my profile and going through my contacts history. I clicked on his name and his profile opened up with a different name. I was very surprised as I was expecting the message to say this profile cannot be found.

I remain optimistic that there is a time for everything. I have not returned, as yet, to RSVP as this experience and others has taught me that I need to grow more as a person. Other people's love can come and go. Partners can end relationships. The experience of self-worth, self-esteem and self-love can never be taken away. If there is no-one else there for you, you can be there for yourself.

The three essential ingredients of a relationship: Love, chemistry and commitment. Love is the least important aspect and commitment is the most important - as long as there's chemistry.

The "One": There's no such thing as the "One". When you're ready for a relationship, the person sitting next to you on the bus could be the one.

We have to get real, get over it and get a life.

Having a fabulous life is the best revenge!!!

Posted by: Hopefaithlove at June 24, 2007 10:25 AM

I do believe that the type of relationship you have and the length has a large bearing on how you go about ending it.

I'm in the unfortunate position now of having to tell a man I've been on two dates with that I don't think it will work.

We have sent some quite long emails between us, and I was initially going to use this way to let him down gently and politely, explaining why. Now I read that many of you think this is rude.

I have had experiences where I've had to explain to men on the phone after one or sometimes just a few dates that it's not going to work, and been questioned so vigorously that it made me feel like I had done something wrong. I have also had incidences where they have tried to change my mind, and it is very hard to keep telling someone no. Once should be enough.

By email, I take my time, choose my words carefully, and hope he will understand that it's best for both of us not to prolong something that isn't going to work. If he writes me another email I would always respond, but remain firm.

So now you guys have left me feeling worse than ever, and I'm left with the dilemna of how to do it now.

Posted by: PurrrFect Match at June 24, 2007 12:52 AM

Blog #5 for tonight. For all those who are as bored as I am, try posting a blog on each topic. It's fun, makes you think.
Revenge, that is just awful! But believe me, someone as shallow as that isn't worth crying over. And certainly not worth giving up your social life for. Get out there and try again. It was his loss!!

Posted by: TishB at June 23, 2007 7:47 PM

LurkingAndLaughing you can download a talk programme ie. skype or icq.... only costs internet time...

Posted by: spunkymick at June 23, 2007 6:45 PM

RUDE..in these modern times it is far better to share intial costs, That way if things don't work out then you will at least not be out of pocket.

As for the ending after a few dates...don't take it so badly. It is not rude. Dating is a way of getting to know a person and whether or not there is any future. It has a two sided input not just your own. That is where a lot of people get confused...they can't seem to understand that just because they like someone it does not mean it will be reciprocated. It doesn't matter that you are on your best behaviour..it comes back to mutual attraction. As someone wrote elsewhere there has to be a balance of attraction physically emtoionally and intellectually for a relationship to go ahead successfully.
Whatever reason they give you you must accept it. Most people don't like to hurt otheres so of course they say something that they feel you will accept. And the fact that you then get an email saying how nice you are is very good manners and kindness. They are confirming that you are an attractive man, but just not right for them.
What is the alternative? Silence or not answering calls? Or perhaps you would like them to tell you that they find you unattractive and list the reason(if they know it).

Revenge ,,that is the response of a very nasty person. More likely he has sexual dysfunction and is scared you will find out!
Don't let one disgusting excuse for a man ruin one more hour of your life. He has a serious problem with his approach to the world...you know that you are an attractive person ,so never doubt it based on a comment from someone like that.

Get "straight back on the horse"...it is unlikely you will ever meet someone as horrible again. There are lots of lovely men around.

Posted by: at June 23, 2007 1:45 PM

Went out with someone not through here but is acxtaully on RSVP. First date lovely.
Second date ended abruptly. Txt him to ask why and he txt me back saying "He wasn't drunk enough".
Absolutely knocked me out, cried for days. Yes I am a bit overweight but I am very attractive. We are not talking about some young guy here but a 58 year old. I have not been out since.
Hell hath no fury etc....look at my pen name ! LOL

Posted by: Revenge at June 22, 2007 8:27 PM

BeenThereDoneThat2.....Could you clone yourself and move to Central Coast? WoW!

Posted by: Lipstick Princess at June 22, 2007 10:55 AM

This is a bit off the subject, but I have met a guy who I get on so well with in person, and we can talk for hours on the phone, but on MSN nearly every conversation goes downhill - due to the lack of emotions, tone of voice etc. Have made the decision to leave MSN out of it - hard to do as we are 2 hours away, but the massive phone bills should be worth it! Texting is great for a 'thinking about you' message - that makes my day!

Posted by: LurkingAndLaughing at June 22, 2007 9:33 AM

Communication is everything, I know I've been guilty of not saying the harsh things that need to be said because I was afraid the person I was talking to might be offended. And its hard to know what women think when they use vague answers. The one thing I do know is it takes some committment to a relationship for two people to stick together to work out what each other is trying to say. Make the effort to talk and to listen.

Posted by: BeenThereDoneThat2 at June 22, 2007 6:41 AM

No sooner had I written this blog (well 3 days later) I got the "still want to be single and not ready" TXT.

What a scream.. so not writing anything bad down, accept for I broke a mirror and ran over a black cat.....Hope that doesn't have any side affects

@ Lipstick Princess I love it when my mobile goes of to

Posted by: spunkymick at June 21, 2007 10:21 PM

I think emails, SMSes and instant messengers (eg. MSN, YMSG, etc.) have the potential to greatly improve communication if used correctly. They're a very cost-effective way of maintaining communication.

Because I've spent almost half my life growing up with these technologies, they're as much a part of me as anything else in my life. I think there are things which are better said with an SMS just as there are things better said in person.
If I'm rushing to get to an exam for example, I'd rather get a sweet little "Do your best! See you after the exam! :x" instead of having to break my focus while carrying out a phone conversation or having to meet in purpose.
Having said that, waking up next to someone who says that before you leave is even better :D

When it comes to breaking relationships, SMS/email/IM is the coward's way. It's extremely easy for the person doing the breaking because it's a completely emotionless and impassive way of dealing the final blow. As far as I'm concerned, if you get a break-up notice like that, you should be glad, because that was clearly not a person who appreciated you even a little bit.

When my ex girlfriend broke up with me, I was in bed and she was laying down next to me. It still hurt a lot, but it took guts for her to do that and I appreciated it.

As far as I'm concerned, SMS/email/IM is perfectly fine and super-appropriate for casual, chitty-chatty communication. Anything serious though should always be said in person. At the very least, it's a sign of respect towards the other person.

To HiddenDesires, the guy who made the first comment... holy crap man! That's an incredible story! I can only imagine what she would've been through to end up with that attitude!

Posted by: Piskottaki at June 21, 2007 9:58 PM

I was seeing someone I met through RSVP for months. He was very big on sending me text messages and expressing how he felt through txt. Eventhough I stated that I would prefer to have a relationship the "old fashion way", being through the phone or face to face. Eventually I ended it through txt - YES! I took the coward way out. My point of view is...if he persisted on carrying a relationship which involved texting then ending it through txt is acceptable.

Posted by: Not my RSVP name - licorice at June 21, 2007 9:04 PM

I think it is just plain rude to be dumped by sms or email. I have had similar experiences to many on here, I've spent money paid for dates meals drinks movies whatever, things are going well. 2nd or 3rd dates come and then the inevitable excuses, they have health issues problems with their kids not ready for a relationship busy at work and so on. I put myself out there and put my best foot forward and it's trodden on with a stilletto. The old iron fist in a velvet glove when they are back on RSVP the next day or within hours and later the apologetic email about how nice you were to them and how sorry they are, I am over it.
As I said IT IS RUDE

Posted by: Not my RSVP name RUDE at June 21, 2007 6:35 PM

It is the age of technology. I agree with 38cit...... depending on the length of ur relationship. and I guess really if you started it on the internet then ending it that way is within reason. It should really be just a tool to give us opportunity to meet people. Where having progressed to dating, then 'real world' rules should apply. In the end though, if all they can muster is a txt or email, then so be it. We all have our own ways of dealing with breaking up, asking for dates etc.
I guess if none of you guys deal with dumping via email or txt, then I guess u are another one up on average. Feel proud of yourselves. It is to be commended.
I do love the excitement of recieving a txt though. (never had a dump u txt) i get funny ones, cheerios, invitations, jokes, thank you's, love notes (the best ones) etc. So im glad to have them. guess u gotta take the good with the bad.

In the words of spunkymick 'Sometimes you have just got to bite into the sour bits.... life is sweet but sometimes its a bit bitter.'

Right outta the movie - 'Vanilla Sky' - the sour bits are what make the sweet bits even sweeter.

Cheers Everyone.

Posted by: Not my rsvp Name ...Lipstick Princess at June 21, 2007 10:47 AM

oh so glad you all agree that dumping by email and sms is gutless and rude and the dumper has issues if he cant do it in person.

i still struggle to over come the message i got and that was a year ago. i dont get why ppl cant be honest in person with someone they knew more than a one night stand but more of a long term commitment.

it is something i will never understand, why if someone wants honesty, why they dont create honesty and dump in a fashion appropriate without the use of email and sms.
im so over sms, and im nearly over my email. oh and guys that use this gutless technique really need to look long and hard at the way they treat ppl especially ppl they were close to.

Posted by: Lisa at June 20, 2007 9:43 PM

nofancyname - After 18 months.. wow...
Whats happening to humanity i ask....(tisk tisk tisk)

Posted by: 38citamsirahc at June 20, 2007 9:14 PM

Probably should explain....he had sent me regular msgs and phoned every few days for 3 weeks up to that point.

In my defence...I shower every day, I clean my teeth every day, I wear clean clothes. I know it wasnt that im a bad kisser....he had a cold sore so it didnt happen.

I'll just keep plugging away at it and see if I can get lucky.

Posted by: nofancyname at June 20, 2007 7:45 PM

cheekyboy75....out all the blogs on this topic, yours is probably the most gut wrenching of them all..(here's a hug) I cant believe that somebody who do such a thing..especially after 14mths of dating...geeez
As a female..I'm ashamed that there are women out there of such calibre.... as a matter of fact.. male or female.. its just not right...its all about respect; decency; and do unto others as you'd want them to do unto you.... i'm a big believer in karma.. anyhoo.. seems like you have picked yourself up and moved on!!

Having said all that... I do think if you have not committed to a relationship or have been "seeing" each other for less than a month then you're allowed to give the bye bye over a txt/email/voice message...

Posted by: 38citamsirahc at June 20, 2007 7:42 PM

The mobile phone is a great invention when used for good. Unfortunatly it is also used for evil. I was dumped via txt by a guy I had been with for 18 mths. Msg said, "hi babe, just want to let you know I think you should go on with your life....without me. Take care. I couldnt believe what I was reading, was he playing some kind of joke? NO, he was serious as I found out that afternoon when I went to pick him up for the footy, we had members tickets and the very beginning of the season. He had gone allready. MMMM, I went anyway, he wasnt going to get out of it that easy. By the end of the game I had established he was for real, still dont know why to this day but for his trouble he got a nice ice cold beer in his lap just as I got up to leave, at 3/4 time. More recently though, I was seeing a guy from RSVP, things hit a bumpy patch when I missunderstood the meaning of a msg but it was sorted after a phone call. We continued to see each other, on our last date, dinner, wine and movies, he said "i'll see you soon and talk sooner". Woohoo....im on a winner. I didnt hear from him again for a week.....not a single word. The first I hear was via txt "now I know I havent said anything to upset you" My reply was "true, you havent said anything to upset me, infact you havent said a single word, in over a week, have a nice day". We are no longer in touch. Technology is a wonderfull thing.

Posted by: nofancyname at June 20, 2007 7:07 PM

If you've met the person only once or twice then i think txting to say you're not interested is OK. As a girl, I think it's safer as i don't know them well enough to judge their reaction. Also if they live on the other side of Sydney there's no way I'd meet them just to dump them. It's all communication, even if not face to face. I've been dumped by email, not text yet, but I don't mind. If we were living together though, I'd mind a lot. That's different to only dating.

Posted by: missnadine at June 19, 2007 11:47 PM

I've been dumped by sms and email both in the not so distant past. One was a guy I met off of rsvp, but he never did like to talk on the phone, we always had better conversations via text message rather than on the phone.
The email was from someone else I had met on the net, ( if you look at my comment on the long distance love blog- it was the Karratha bloke!!)
But oh well such is the times we live in, so many other options on the old dating website, that's probably the answer!

Posted by: devilishminx76 at June 19, 2007 10:13 PM

I think we would definately be lost without technology, I really couldn't imagine life without it. Maybe because I have grown up with it always there ^^.

I've been dumped through a myspace message before. Lol that was pretty harsh i must say. Definately was cut about the whole thing because it's a gutless approach.

Posted by: MissASHH at June 19, 2007 7:47 PM

Ok revising my initial statement in txt dumping. If I recieved a txt after a first meeting stating that my date felt we were not suited, I would be fine with that. Chances are I would have worked it out anyway, or still thinking about potential partnership, either way while I may be disapointed I would certainly have no problem. some communication is better than none.
After several dates however I feel that a phone call would be the minimum criteria and then only if you feared a bad reaction (for safety sake).
Personally, rather say the words to someone's face.
When I got txt dumped I phoned her straight away, surprisingly she answered, just to let her know I was ok with her decision. If we bump into each other again I'll be holding no grudge.

Posted by: dayan at June 19, 2007 5:19 PM

Prior to meeting on RSVP and falling in love the beautiful woman i now live with, i was on the verge of deleting my RSVP account for ever; partially due to experiences with the phantom TXTer.

Now, it's perfectly understandable that some people (not just women, because they can be psychos too!) need a safety barrier when doing the deed; yet on second thought, isn't that telling them something about their own judgement calls if they are getting involved with people that they don't feel safe with? Isn't it best to establish some sort of safety protocol so that the necessity to dump via TXT is diminished. Learn a little about the psychology of an attacker so you know what buttons to avoid pushing. Don't let them know where you live/work, be honest that you're protecting your safety (a genuine suitor should respect this and not push the point, if they do, there's your warning!), stay in public places, don't go back to their place, be confident in your actions as most "wierdos" or potential attackers are looking for a weakness to exploit and will be put off by strength and confidence.....

But i digress. If you've only just met, i don't see anything wrong with a polite message in the vein, "Thanks for a good time but i don't see this going anywhere. Good luck in future" In fact, i strongly disagree with those that say you should tell these people to their face at the conclusion of the date. To me, that is just as rude... and presumptuous. I have met a number of good friends through RSVP and when we met we both knew nothing was going further. For me to have vocalised that would have been insulting to them. Luckily, i never met anyone who frightened me, although i have a pretty good personal security filter and a strong sense of my own self worth.

I did, how ever, get in touch with people who seemed friendly and keen to meet. Emails were exchanged and phone calls ensued. Everything seemed rosy and then they would break the date for some reason or other. They would even reschedule... and break it again. Now, this happened a couple of times, when i was at a low ebb after the loss of my mother, so i persisted with the rescheduling where i would normally have just cut communicae.

This, in my mind, is the grey area; if given mulitple opportunities, on the phone or via email/TXT, to decline a date with a, "I'm actually thinking no", it is the height of ill manners break the date at the last minute via TXT. Stringing people along is cowardly and cruel.

While on the subject of stringing people along, an outright, "i'm not interested" is far easier to deal with than, "i'm busy at the moment, can we postpone for a couple of weeks" etc. etc....

Anyway, luckily i finally met someone who really did mean she was busy for a couple of weeks and wasn't just trying to phob me off; and luckily i didn't let those previous experiences assume that she meant she wasn't interested.

Good luck in trying to sort it all out for yourselves and sorry for such a long post!

Gwion

Posted by: Gwion at June 19, 2007 3:16 PM

Id love to share my SMS dumping story, About 2 years ago i entered a relationship with a RSVP member who apparently wanted what i wanted and needless to say the relationship was going well "Or so i thought". About 14 month's into the relationship this young lady had booked herself an overseas holiday with her sister and too catch up with her friends who were already in Europe. Anyhow after spending every waking hour with her and a few teary nights about how we were going to miss each other, I saw her off at the airport for her 3 month holiday. Well after only receiving maybe 2 phone calls after the first 2 month's i attemped to call her mobile phone and i got denied which had me a little perplexed so i sent her a SMS asking where in the world she was and that i missed her and about maybe 2 hours later i got part of a text saying she no longer wanted me in her life and to top this off she had her mother call no more than 4 hours later to confirm if i had got the message and also repeated what that said message had said. Needless to say i realised what a gutless person she was and the huge amount of lies i had been listening too previous to her departure. Using SMS too dump someone is cruel Gutless and childish and any person who uses this method needs to look at themselves as a person and question there integrity as i believe they have none. For myself i have never used SMS in any relationship since then as i believe it is the poorest form of communication on planet earth period

Posted by: cheekyboy75 at June 19, 2007 2:20 PM

Dating etiquette? I have struggled with the disposible manner in which people treat each other within the on-line dating arena.
Attributes like honesty and courtesy that I have noted men award themselves with on their profiles - are missing upon closer inspection.
Dumping is a nasty word anyway.
We live in a disposible society and the convenience of text/email dumping allows usnot take on the consequenses and diminishes the responsibilities of our actions.
With so many people to choose from, it has made it easy to dispose of those that may have held some interest untill someone better????? comes along.

thats my thoughts anyway.
I will step off my box now.

Posted by: my2centsworth at June 19, 2007 2:12 PM

If I have a date go well I will text to say thanks had a great time, this technology is here with us now. In my work day I can't always get to a phone but it's sometimes easier to fire off a text or respond to one. Yes they can at times be ambiguous but it just requires asking the sender to explain themselves the same as in a real conversation.
I'm with you wishfulthinker.. if hiddendesires had sent me that text I wouldn't have been able to wait for my shift to end ;)
But back to the topic at hand.. It's courtesy eitherway, sometimes it's safer and easier via text or email sometimes it's something that needs doing face to face. Each time it's a judgement call, and a personal safety issue for both men and women

Posted by: at June 18, 2007 10:58 AM

What about dumping via IM? This didn't happen to me but a friend of mine got dumped by her boyfriend of 5 years over msn. To make matters worse, he blocked her right after that!

Posted by: fearofphobia at June 18, 2007 3:03 AM

It was me that was dumped via txt, and I had known him for 3 months.

Why would I want to face a fool? Much easier for me to read it and then get on with life.

Also, I think that people think just because you have 'talked' via dating sites, that you know each other and owe the other person more than if you had met the conventional way........

Posted by: Whatthe! at June 18, 2007 12:12 AM

In my opinion text is not great at any time.
I think that unless you have been in a real (two sided)exclusive and long term relationship with someone(in which case more explanation is required) then there is nothing wrong with an email or phone call. In the old days women(mainly) would spend days waiting by phones to find out whether there was to be a second or third date and often they would not hear anything more. I would rather an email.
I don't know what sort of emails people here have been receiving but they should be sensitive and kind. There is no need for any nastiness or abusiveness in order to breakoff a relationship. I am getting the impression that some people want a face to face situation to enable an opportunity for some sort of payback abuse.
For the people talking about closure...writing a reply to an email is probably far more beneficial because you have time to think what it is you want to say.
What do you say face to face? It is more likely to lead to embarrassing behaviour that you might regret later.
Or worse...it often leads to a continuation of the relationship because the person trying to end it feels so bad. That is not good in the long run.
While I understand the pain of rejection, I don't understand the need to call people gutless or cowardly or disrespectful because they don't wish to continue a relationship.
You can't force someone to love you -they are not bad people because they don't. It takes a few months or a few dates and lots of talking to begin to know a person enough to know if they are someone to continue a relationship with. It makes sense that people are rejected at that stage.
For the text message generation ...if you carry out most of your communication via this method then it would seem natural to follow through to end a relationship!
hopefaithlove...that story has all the hallmarks of a married man....

Stoic..you are joking I take it? Would you like to see Scared arrested? Escalating a situation with violence is not the answer and especially if the person is possibly a little unstable to begin with. Her best bet was to leave as she did or if really worried to not leave with him at all and get another escort to her car.
Hiddendesires...that woman was just plain rude arrogant and spiteful. If she wasn't playing games she would have met you and then told you she doesn't text. The only mistake you made was having the misfortune to meet her in the first place!

Posted by: patience at June 17, 2007 4:51 PM

Hopefaithlove,

Your note/experience seems to be the norm for internet dating and perhaps normal dating.

They lead you to believe you are in a great relationship and all is going oh, so well. However, there they are looking all the time for something better.

I'm not sure if the internet offers men or women too much choice and the next profile to pop up looks more exciting. I just don't know the answers.

The men or women who behave this way need to step up and explain why. Why lead someone to believe that it is serious and just dump them? What is the logic?

Are they just brilliant actors or serious pshychos/narcissists who enjoy hurting and abandoning people at will?

I've been burned and hurt and will not return to this form of dating for a long time.

How did you know they were back under another name??

I hope you have healed and gone on to better experiences, but what a slap!

Posted by: Wishingandhoping at June 17, 2007 4:50 PM

Haven't had the privilege to be dumped per text or email .... yet.

If dump ee is aggressive / weird, then by all means but even if someone is uncomfortable with ending a relationship, tough, it's the least you could do to do it in person, doesn't help the dump ee but at least you showed some courage and dignity.

Sometimes you have just got to bite into the sour bits.... life is sweet but sometimes its a bit bitter.

Just my tuppence worth

this is my name

Posted by: Spunkymick at June 17, 2007 12:16 PM

Let's face it - txt is here to stay - it's not an easy way out - it's often the only way out! HiddenDesires, if you are the Brisbane owner of this name, next time the judge drones on send me that message! You'd have gotten a quick "Yes Please" response!

I've been guilty of sending an email to say no thanks, but it wasn't a "relationship" - just an easy way of avoiding a very crude man on the phone - I needed to save my sanity (and ears) so I did it, not proud of it, but alas, it had the desired effect!

Text/email during the day from someone I care about just makes my day better - especially if it started out not so good and that person knew it - I love it - wouldn't change it for the world. I work in an environment where I can't answer the phone during the day - but I can check my phone!

We can't complain too much about the "modern age" can we - we are internet dating for crying out loud!!! It lends itself to this whole topic!

Posted by: Wishfulthinker03 at June 17, 2007 10:58 AM

yeah i have been dumped by email, i still dont understand that message, it was the most gutless way to say we're over ive ever read.
he wants respect in everything else, but cant give me the same respect to dump me over the phone in person and this from a person that i had been seeing for a number of years.
dating and dumping is completely juvenile when done by email or sms.
i have been known not to return an sms, or email, because i didnt think we matched or i didnt want it to go any further but when some one does a dumping by email, there are obviously things that they cant say in person that they can say via email and feel more assertive saying it.
its purely bad form and leaves the person feeling at a loss for words and in a way, feeling very hurt thinking why did i waste so much time with a person that doesnt have the courtesy to say what needs to be say in person.

i actually think the person who does it by email has security issues and confidence issues when they cant say what they want to say properly and with dignity.

Posted by: Lisa at June 16, 2007 12:19 PM

Stoic.... I am sure she was tempted.....

I cannot speak for other women (I love how I contradict myself) but from my perspective & my generation (& I hope it's changing) women are not taught to embrace their assertivness & those who are grappling with that aspect of themselves tend to conflict within for a long time, (i)struggling to own that aspect of themselves(/i).
Taught that girls should be nice & never angry.

If it were me on that date... & I have changed & evolved in 20 or so years of dating...... it simply wouldn't happen now.

Anyway ...I am rambling.

Posted by: TrumansCat at June 16, 2007 10:26 AM

Point taken Whatthe and Scared - it's different if it's someone you've only just met, or really don't want to face again. But what does "haven't known for long" mean - stretched to several months??

I guess the bottom line is treat others with thought to how it would feel if it happened to you. Whatthe, do YOU like being dumped by txt/silence, by a girl you were really keen on who you took out for several wonderful months?

Posted by: Riversong1 at June 16, 2007 9:18 AM

I met what seemed, at the time, a great guy. We went out for a while. He had to visit family overseas for a few weeks. We had a great day together before he left. We emailed each other whilst he was overseas for two weeks. Then I hear nothing for two weeks. Finally I received an email from overseas saying what a fantastic time he is having, the great places he is visiting, seeing friends etc. etc. etc. etc. and at the end says casually that he is not coming back. He has decided to stay and work overseas.

It is a gamble that we all take here that a relationship might not work out. I am aware of this, that there are no guarantees. At the time I was more hurt that he knew he was not coming back but lead me to believe that he was returning. Very cruel!

Two months later he was back on RSVP with a different name!!!

Why would anyone want to be with a person who does not have the courage to be upfront and be honest. I would be hurt but at the end have more respect for them. If they cannot be honest about small matters, you have no chance with the big matters. This is what differentiates the boys from the real men.

Posted by: Hopefaithlove at June 16, 2007 8:47 AM

For someone you have just met or haven't known for long, you owe them nothing. Why would you want to dump them face to face! Get over it and get on with meeting someone else. Don't you actually think it might be a bit kinder to do it via txt.

Posted by: Whatthe! at June 15, 2007 11:46 PM

I've been dumped via "TEXT MESSEGE" many times...my ex-bf and guys i met here@RSVP.... :(...to all u dumpers.....hav a listen to JT new song ...."what goes around....comes back around :p

Posted by: ilovetimtams at June 15, 2007 10:07 PM

A rejection is always painfull and hard to say if an email dump(had one) an SMS dump(had one of those too) or the sound of silence is the worst. To each of them I responded that I felt that they were rude and cowardly. It seems to me that the hardest thing to understand is when it comes imediately after a (seemingly) pleasant date the day before or in the aftermath of a lengthy phone conversation where all was happy and convivial..?? Fortunate perhaps that unlike 'rude' , I can't afford to offer a man Airfare to visit me... nor would I like to be offered air fare to visit him. I prefer if he needs to travel to see me he do so at his convenience and book accomodation near by so we can spend time meeting and getting to know one another in a semi holiday(for them) situation... or wait until a trip to that area is likely to happen. I have a daughter in Newcastle so could meet someone from that area while visiting her. Whatever way it's done .. I think a few dates should make it clear if you have something or not ... or just "kiss and say goodbye"!

Posted by: Naiad18 at June 15, 2007 7:47 PM

Point taken, TrumansCat, but is there any reason why Scared couldn't have slid a knife or fork off the table and placed it discreetly against his groin with a warning of what would happen should he not immediately cease and desist?

Especially after she told him flat out to stop touching her.

Posted by: stoic at June 15, 2007 6:52 PM

After meeting a guy of rsvp we dated 4 about 3 months. AS i worked far away i decided to fly him over to see me 4 the weekend. I spent around 3000 on him, 2 days passed i stayed at work he flue home, i got a message sorry i cair about you, you make me happy but i cant be with you.....mobiles are nasty things...... Face to face what are they warryed about there leaving anyway.....

Posted by: how rude (not my RSVP name) at June 15, 2007 12:17 PM

I was dumped by email recently by someone I met here... I felt cheated that after being together for over a month, they didn't have the balls to tell me to my face. Added to this it was a complete turn-around overnight from a three hour conversation the night before to "actually, sorry no feelings at all after all" in an email, it felt very one-sided and left me wondering what the hell happened that I wasn't aware of. I think you should have the guts to face the person, if not actually in person, over the phone is the absolute minimum, it at least shows respect for the other person. Except of course in cases like above where they are scary. I'm not scary. Promise.

Posted by: notmyrealname at June 14, 2007 11:58 PM

RSVP introduces this article with the picture of a beautiful woman with a smile and a mobile phone, and we presume she just dumped her ex via SMS.

Kinda speaks volumes about how rudeness and heartlessness is now considered admirable qualities in women.

There is nothing to be ashamed about dumping the wrong guy or girl, but if you have a sense of decency and self-respect you do it with some dignity.

Posted by: Kransky at June 14, 2007 10:35 PM

Crozad, sympathy to you. It's happened to me too after 4 months, including one month looking after his dog (both of us faithfully waiting) while he was overseas - dumped by sms the day before he got back (me, not the dog) OUCH!!

I wouldn't want to be with anyone who didn't want to be with me anyway, but after sharing time and intimacy (and favours!) it's only fair to "have a little heart-to-heart" that would enable a kind split and a chance to put a closure on things.

I know they do it because they are too weak to face the person, but it's such a cheap way out! Weak= downright cruel - big thumbs down!!

Well... I guess perhaps it's slightly better than "death by silence" - another favourite for even weaker types! :)

Posted by: Riversong1 at June 14, 2007 9:19 PM

Being dumped by silence is worse as we are all left wondering. I've been dumped by email and text. The email was so ambiguous that I had to respond and ask if the aim was to say goodbye. The text was more direct, though I do agree, it offers the texter more protection than a potiential face to face conflict.
Emailing and texting offers some protection for females I agree, though personally, I do text but enjoy the sound of someones voice on the phone, a nice email is akin to a good letter, a great thing to read and reread, offering insight into personality. Texting is often more spontaneous and offers more insight into a person, and email can be well scripted. So nothing beats an initial brief meeting and deciding if to progress from there. I will instigate a meeting after only a few emails and phone calls if they have peaked my interest, and I am female.

Posted by: shybutperky at June 14, 2007 8:39 PM

I think being dumped via text is definitely NOT showing any respect. OK, i can understand phone if you have been together for a while and you know the person's character, but on a first date why can't there be up front honesty? I have been on a few "first dates" that haven't gone well and I knew it wouldn't go further, so I told him, sorry but no thanks.

I think people appreciate that you can look them in the eye and be a straight shooter ( isn't that what they say in their profiles?? that they like upfront honesty??)

Why pussyfoot around??

Posted by: Sonn at June 14, 2007 8:15 PM

Dayan the same thing happened to me, i got dumped on thursday by text, by u gutless guy. We were together for 3 months and he couldnt have the guts to say it to my face. Being dumped over the phone via text or phone call is weak, we are all adults why cant these people act like them

Posted by: crozad at June 14, 2007 11:40 AM

Stoic.... circumstances may require being circumspect & not direct. Read scared's blog.
This IS a reality for women.

Posted by: TrumansCat at June 14, 2007 9:40 AM

My now ex-boyfriend was so abusive on the phone to me that I hung up on him and ended it by text. I'm not proud of ending it that way but there was no way I wanted to subject myself to language like that again. It's the only time I've done it and won't do it again but that circumstance was bad.

Posted by: Misteee31 at June 13, 2007 10:55 PM

Last night I went out on a first date and the guy was very touchy/feely wanting to hold my hand etc ALL the time despite me asking him not to. So when he asked if they'd be a second date I told him I'd let him know later as I was a little unsure how he'd react if I told him straight out I didn't want to see him again (he was really over the top). As soon as I had walked in the door a txt message arrived so I sent one back saying I felt uncomfortable with all the trying to hold hands thing etc and thought we shouldn't see each other again. Well, in the space of 1/2 hour I then received 10 txt messages, 3 phone calls all of which I ignored asking me to reconsider. It really freaked me out and scared me a little.

Posted by: scared (not my real RSVP name) at June 13, 2007 10:26 PM

Getting dumped hurts however it is executed.
Maybe it's easier to be dumped in person, facing the person as you fall apart or maybe it is easier to read a text and have something else to add to your anger. "How dare they dump me by text! The rude B******!!!!!"

It hurts both ways, in all ways. Hurt pride, broken dreams, failed plans, whatever.

Hey, I've been dumped by not getting the promised call or email, dumped with silence. It's happened a few times so must be common. (Dumping me?)

I've dumped people, or should I say, ended the affair, in all different ways but it does seem awfully easy to do it online or by text than face to face.Call me a coward but sometimes we need to take the easy way out in life. It's grueling facing a person who really likes you and telling them they just don't do it for you anymore. It's hard to hurt someone who is looking at you with anguish, but I guess it is cruel to not do it this way if it was/is a serious relationship.

Hard call either way but it has me thinking about all the other blogs re manners etc. The internet is changing lots of the common, garden manners we grew up learning.
It's all so new but I think our discussions are starting to formulate some etiquette guidelines that most of us expect to be adhered to..relating to replies, timely replies, first meetings and, if you get further, dumpings.

Posted by: WishingandHoping at June 13, 2007 9:33 PM

I think that the technology is great for initiating and keeping in contact. However it is going too far, most people here are hopefully genuine and would actually like to meet, not have an electronic relationship! We are all a little scared, what about having enough respect for each other and a little faith to give a little personal time. Breaking up in any way except in person is just plain rude.

Posted by: JaguarCreative at June 13, 2007 7:33 PM

Doing anything like that over text or email is absolutely disgraceful.

While TrumansCat may have a point, if they are behaving badly you should just take a stand and say "Seeya" right then and there, not wait a few days then send a text.

Posted by: stoic at June 13, 2007 6:12 PM

I think such an act speaks of a basic lack of respect for humanity in general.

However there can be extenuating circumstances....... the text-ee behaving badly & only deserving a "bugger off" text.

Posted by: TrumansCat at June 13, 2007 4:39 PM

actually I got dumped by sms on sat. So now I realy dont like it.

Posted by: dayan at June 13, 2007 3:44 PM

Dont like texting end of story. Why push 20buttons when you can just push one.

Posted by: dayan at June 13, 2007 3:42 PM

The moden age is here with us to stay. I myself remember the good old times of boy meets girl, boy asks girl out and so on and so on. These days it seems that its email each other, then text each other, then chat to each other and then finally meet. I fully embrace the modern age and whole heartedly use all this technology to its fullest. With women I can understand the reluctance to meet straight away and it allows them to feel more secure with who they are meeting.
I had a date with a woman off RSVP that didnt worry about all this texting and emailing. She was straight to the point and requested to meet straight away. Well the date went extremely well as we were the same age, had the same sort of upbringing, shared the same views and had a really really great night. We vowed to catch up again in a day or so for another dinner date this time. Well I was sitting in court the next day thinking of her. I pulled out my trusty mobile phone while the judge droned on and whipped off a snappy text that said "Dinner tonight?". I waited all day for a reply and nothing came. About 8pm that night I recieved a text saying "If you haven't got the balls to pick up the phone and call me for a dinner date forget it. I hope your next date enjoys an SMS relationship".
I guess she isnt as enthusiastic with this technology. I was blown away and picked up the phone straight away and rang her. Guess she was busy at the time...hahaha. Funny thing is that I didnt even get a chance to explain the text message to her. Well thats my little blurb about technology. Ive learnt from it that some people like it and some dont. I won't make the same mistake again.
Me

Posted by: HiddenDesires at June 13, 2007 12:21 PM