RSVP Blog

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Posted by: RSVP at June 26, 2007 10:06 AM

I think it is hilarious when men, are turned off my someone having a child. I mean-were they not one, a long time ago. Kids are just little people - they need to get over their hang ups.

Alot of guys miss out, on really nice girls because of their fears. What is so scary about a child. If I really thought I might like someone I wouldn't care if they had ten kids.

When is the world, going to stop stigmatising and stereotyping. Being a single parent is the hardest job in the world, one I dare say most the men, who are scared of single mums, could not cope with for even a week. They would need time out, their mates, the pub, whatever.

It always amazes me, when i here negative comments about single mothers, when isnt it men, in the first place, who made them that way???

When men are turned off by single mothers, they are really saying, "I am immature, I do not have enough life experience to deal with any complexities, or I am totally and utterly selfish. Neither would I ever be interested in.

In fact I have been single for seven years, and still I am yet to find one guy worth going out on a date with...That's really sad. Either I am too fussy, or the time hasn't been right. But I am proud of being a single parent, and I would yell that from the roof top. I am looking for a soul mate, and a companion, and I certainly wont find that in a guy, who looks at you then gets scared that you have a child.

Ladies, dont waste your time with men who are immature, a real man, will accept you and your child, after all they are a part of you.

Posted by: seekingsomeonegreat at June 25, 2007 11:01 PM

Thanks Flayme, I was beginning to think that I had been misunderstood.
Of the 45 kisses I've had since being on rsvp, none have been from single women. Single women at around my age(40), either want kids of there own or are,nt feeling very maternal and think I'm just looking for a babysitter.(ironicly these ones usually have something in there headline like, where are all the good one's gone!).
When you date a single parent, your dating someone with the ability to put other peoples needs before their own. its a very attractive quality in my eye's and people dont just come with it, you have to learn it.
The main difference between a fulltime single dad and a single mum is that there is'nt a load of young single woman wanting to have sex with me because they think I'm desperate!(which i am of course, but thats besides the point. haha)But I'm not going to trade my morals for it. wake up single guys and girls and go and watch the brady bunch. Having a relationship with someone that's already a parent is'nt always going to be easy, but it is possible and can be as fulfilling as your willing to make it.

Posted by: OPTOMYSTIC1 at June 25, 2007 12:25 PM

Thank you Optomystic for such a great comment. The fact is that being a single parent is tough: we cry for our kids, we laugh and we have to make decisions hoping that they are the right ones. When it comes to dating, the choice of a relationship is definitely one of these choices that we have to make. Is that person the right one? is he/she going to accept my independence? my kids? etc... It gets seriously complicated and I have decided to only date men who have kids, we are then on the same wave length. Dads and mums know the meaning of unconditional love and that to me, is a most a attractive quality.

Posted by: flayme at June 24, 2007 10:46 PM

As a fulltime single dad, I can easily relate to singlemums, and as I dont intend on having any more kids of my own, I usually only look for women who have already had kids. but some single mums can be just as judgemental as some of the other men and women on this site. I'm not looking for a mother for my children, I can look after them perfectly well by myself thanks very much. All I ask in regard to my children is that she provide's a positive female influence. my kids are not burden's, they are assets

Posted by: OPTOMYSTIC1 at June 16, 2007 10:23 PM

Wow i have just spent the last 15 mins reading the above comments. And cant believe there are blokes out there that are so selfish. Children are an asset not baggage. Guys you get a real woman and children a package. Kids are so much fun, how could so called men not like kids or not like a woman with children. That tells me a lot about yous , get real guys what do you expect a mum to do dump then on some one else, foster them out for you!! i dont think so!! Get with the program they are ladies that have lived their lifes before you came along. They havent been waiting around for you and you haven't for them. We were all kids once and nothing nothing is more important than a parents unconditional love especially a mothers. I admire all you mums that put their children fist and struggle or become successful under your own steam. Raising your children and being committed to them as far as im concerned you are truly warm loving grounded ladies. The salt of the earth, and would be a wonderful catch and the kids , well there a bonus GOOD ON YA's MUMS

Posted by: crabbait at June 12, 2007 8:44 PM

I'm a divorced single mum and have been for 18 months. There is no way that I would ever consider going back with my kids father.
I am an independant woman and would like to meet someone special for me, not a new dad for my kids.
They have a dad and he does a good job of this.(just wasnt a very good husband).
I met a guy at an RSVP event in Perth on Friday night and can't help but think that he didn't want to keep in touch purely for the fact that I have 3 kids.

Posted by: frangipanipink at June 12, 2007 7:03 PM

I was a single Mum and didnt date until my kids were grown up as I could not see another man in their lives. I was paranoid of what the man's motives were and felt I needed to guard my kids security. I am now almost 57 and probably have left my run a bit late, but in general I found it easier to single parent than to try and juggle a social life as work and manage the kids sporting activities etc. A lot of men think single mum means deperate and willing to put up with anything and be grateful for the attention.

Posted by: kangarucci1 at June 10, 2007 6:52 PM

I too am a single mum. I have been seperated from the father of my kids for near on 4 yrs. in that time i have only dated 1 guy.. due to no one else wanting to "take on the responcibility".

I am not here to find a father figure for my kids. They have their own dad who they see evey week. I share 50 % custody of them,.. and a the moment am looking purly for myself to find someone to spend my quailty time with when the kids are living at their dads.

Yes the kids are a part of the "whole" package.. but I will indever to make the lucky new guy know that my first interest in them.. is them. Yes I am sure it is hard for single guys who don't have kids to take on the role of being with someone who has kids.... but as a single parent, we stil have needs wants and expectations that can not be given by our children.

I want a guy to get to know me regardless of whether I have kids or not. And if my ex has a problem with the new guy!!!!that's the ex's problem to deal with .. not mine or my new partner. Afterall... every one has to move on eventually.

Posted by: blueeyed32 at June 9, 2007 1:20 PM

I have always wanted to be a dad since I was 17 but I was'nt that lucky so when I turned 20 I started attracting single mums( believe it or not) and they all turned into disasters as in the kids don't like you or the ex has an issue. In 1995 I went out with a girl who was 3 months up the duff and we got on great and I was there with her at the birth and things got better but in march 1996, the father came back into her life and after some sweet words I was on the outer. The biggest problem that I see is that most guys who take single mums are in for a fall because its one way and no slight on mums but any guy who willing to take you and your kids deserves better. I know how a guy feels when he falls for a single mum and I know how it hurts when it falls apart. The bottom line is this" a guy needs you because you know the father has failed you". All single mums are good but give the next guy a fair go as things happen for a reason.

Posted by: bmx191 at June 5, 2007 3:10 PM

My boyfriend panicked when we found out on Mothers Day that I was pregnant and I no longer have a relationship with him. While I'd rather be playing happy families than being a single mum, I would rather be a single mum than in an unhappy family. I am definately up to the challenge. My boss has agreed to let me work part time and work from home when I need to, so finances are all covered, and there is a very nice childcare centre around the corner. My mum is supportive and I have good friends around me, so I don't need help from a guy to look after me or my baby. But I have never been single for long (I think I am one of those people who is half of a couple) and I am lonely without a partner. So I signed up on RSVP last night. As you can see from my profile name, I was very upfront about being pregnant because there is no point attracting someone who can't deal with it (at two months I am not really showing yet but some clothes are getting a little tight). I wasn't sure if anyone would be interested but surprisingly I have had a lot of contact today. There seem to be a lot of genuine guys out there which is very heartening - but yes a few are just curious and I have to be careful of people who think I'll have lower standards - I am definately not desperate or vulnerable!

Posted by: pregnantandglowing at June 3, 2007 2:30 PM

I have raised my family, they are all adults now living pretty much their own lives. I won't date or consider dating much less get involved with a man who has young children. It doesn't matter to me if I come across as selfish, but I have done the hard yards and a lot of them on my own and would not want to be a baby sitter to someone else's children so they can spend time with "the boys" in "peace".

If a man comes into my life his kids would have to be adults and happy to see their date in a wholesome giving relationship.

I have also learnt from experience that youngsters can be very jealous and very manipulative when it comes to "their" territory of dad. I decided long ago that I would not have a relationship with a man until my kids were grown up and I have stuck to it.

Sure you may ask whether it was the right thing to do to place my life on hold like that. Yes it was the right choice.

Now it's my time :)

Posted by: Sonn at June 1, 2007 4:30 PM

I just read Had Enough - try looking at the other side of the coin. I spent 12 years bringing up someone else's daughter and having to teach her discipline, manners etc because her father was too lazy or wanted to be the great dad on every second weekend. I can tell you that you get very little thanks for this, particularly when you are no longer needed. I will be wary the next time around.

But I won't rule single mums out.
Just wary.

Posted by: at May 31, 2007 3:17 PM

well i'm a single mother of 2 and it 's the farther that chose to have nothing to do with these beautiful little girls that didnt ask to be born but not every man is the same and it's not that single parents ask for a farther or mother for their children but just that they except the children are apart of you'r life and be their friend thats all you can ask from some one.

Posted by: emietam28 at May 31, 2007 12:14 AM

I have dated a guy with kids in the past and i understand how hard it is to get the respect you need from their kids,but as long as the kids are brought up with respect for everyone like my son is then there shouldnt be a problem, why do us single mums always get put to the bottom of everyones lists,we have unconditional love to give to the right person. If you cant handle having someone elses kids whilst in a relationship then dont get into one in the first place, i have experienced this also and in the end the guy hurt not just me but my son too and thats the last thing a mum wants to see. Us single mums have it hard, trying to find a suitible person to have a relationship with, as we cant have a guy that wants to go out and party all time or drinks too much or is never around..We are human beeings too guys treat us with some respect too.We can rock ur world just as good as a childless woman.As a single mum of 1 and having one on the way too i have so much respect for the rest of the single mums here, we deserve to be loved and to be able to love a guy again no matter what the baggage.

Posted by: myheartsdesire84 at May 30, 2007 2:02 PM

Whether you have personal issues about there being children involved with a relationship is something you should work out BEFORE you get into a relationship. For me personally, I bring up my own daughter and absolutely love kids so the more the merrier. Just remember, any relationship you start with a single parent had better be about the children first.

Posted by: Baz080365 at May 29, 2007 4:44 PM

I would have no problem with dating single mothers, but i avoid it because I have no parenting experience at all and the thought of maybe becoming a parent overnight ( not literally obviously) scares me a little.

Posted by: romanticlyme at May 28, 2007 8:05 PM

I have read most of the above blogs, and I am amazed at how many bitter women there are. Why are you on this site in the first place, because from where I am sitting you seem like man haters to me. It is any persons god given right to choose what their criteria is for their ideal partner. Just because someone (male of female) isn't interested in being with someone with children doesn't make them a bad person. Infact I respect them for their honesty 18months ago my husband of 4 years left me pregnant and with an 18 month old because he was having an affair. Again they are the choices he made for his life. I am not going to waiste any of my time being bitter about it. I love my life and look forward to the next chapter of it.

Posted by: Katie1998 at May 28, 2007 7:07 PM

I get really sick of the men on RSVP, who will not consider dating you if you have children. I have one child, and I can tell you, I do more activities and travel than most of the men on here. My child and I are a package, and quite often she travels with me. We do family things together, and we do things separately. Hasn't anybody heard of parents having a life too or babysitters?

Posted by: Yabbadabbadoosey at May 28, 2007 4:28 PM

Ideally i wouldnt pursue a single mother.Sure there are plenty of lovely single mothers out there,but if i am going to start a family-i"ll start my own.

Posted by: digitalprimate at May 27, 2007 9:58 PM

I have two beautiful boys that call me mum. When I meet new guys I often don't mention my children as initially i like to keep those aspects of my life seperate until I am sure about the guy. I am so protective of my boys and I want them to grow up respecting women so I make sure I am a good role model and don't parade boyfriends around them unless it is serious. But you know what really gets me???? It's the question about do you want your man/woman to have no kids, have kids or want kids. Sure wanting kids is a consideartion but having kids should not be. If you have kids then they are part of the whole package and if a person really loves you then love will conquer all. Also I find it hypocritical when people that have kids say that they don't want someone that has already got kids, these people already know how to act around kids and have an advantage over those that don't. When it comes to this I just follow my heart because I know that when I fall in love, I fall deeply and accept that person lock, stock and barrell. And if it means he has five kids, then so be it. i just wish that a lot more people would be open minded about this and realise that a single parent is not looking for a father or mother for their children but looking for a companion for themself and that although seperated/divorced etc most of these children already have two parents just not living together.

Posted by: onehellofanicechic at May 27, 2007 8:24 PM

What about DELICIOUS DADDYS?
I am a single woman whose desire to a mum has not evolved quite how I would like.
I am open to a dad with kids, obviously recognising that it would be a easier journey minus the added burden of kids.

Posted by: TrumansCat at May 27, 2007 12:47 PM

its very tough for a single mum to date.You have to work fulltime & care for for your kids,which leaves you no time or energy or money for going out.Your friends are mostly attached & don't want to go to singles venues.Introducing your beau to your kids can be difficult too.I've found most guys are fine about kids because they're part of the package.Most people over 30 would have had at least one of their own,so they're comfortable with family responsiblity.Folks over 30 that don't have any children are usually immature & selfish,so aren't good potential partners anyway.

Posted by: paysan12 at May 27, 2007 12:48 AM

***Sorry to all the other bloggers for being subjected to what has become a one-on-one debate which has no relevance to the original blog topic****

Patience,
in my original blog I stated I do not tell my son that I consider his friends comments a compliment. You are not privy to my conversations with my son, you are in no position to pass such harsh judgement based on one line.

Having read all these blogs I see thats what the majority of RSVPers actually do (myself included until I refused to partake in online dating)...read a few short lines, make a judgment and go from there.

I appreciate you have a lot of intelligent valuable insights but heres a little secret; I love who I am, I love the man my son is growing into, depsite what you have chosen to believe based on extremely limited information I have raised my son to respect females. I will always enjoy the fact my son loves to hang out with his young(ish) cool attractive(?) mum. And I dont really think anything you or anyone else, unless its a child psychologist, can convince me to do anything different.

Truce? or feel free to blog if you need to have the final word, im done :-).

Posted by: BeachMouse at May 25, 2007 4:39 PM

Yes I would date a single mum and help her out with the kids and her home.They are so nice and won't run off with your best friend or half the male population.

Posted by: snoopy888888888888 at May 25, 2007 2:17 PM

Beach mouse,

I am sure you are a good parent.
The ideas you instill into the mind of a young boy will shape him into the man he is to become.

My concern is that if we train boys to think of women and girls only in sexual terms then they will grow up with an unbalanced view of women and this will manifest in how they then treat their grilfriends and wives.
Boys should be trained to view girls as valuable members of society who have brains and opinions not just as a set of physical attributes to be discussed and compared and "rated"with their mates.

They should not be concerned only about "how hot" they deem a woman. that in itself is repulsive and so damaging to the girls subjected to it.
You are training these boys to view women as objects whose main purpose is as a play thing for them.

Go back a year or so and think of the problem of the Football and Rugby culture which has seen young men , encouraged for years along these lines, to think that they can use women in whatever way they like as a reward for playing a game or two. Apparently that culture is still very much alive. You have the power to help change that.
I would be interested to know if the mothers of the local girls like this enculturation of their daughters future partners, and also, would it still seem "appropriate" if it was 13 years old girls 'rating' the fathers? Something NQR here.

I am basing my opinions on lots of research into Gender studies and Men's Health, not just on my own parenting.

Posted by: patience at May 25, 2007 2:09 PM

Been there, done it, bought the T-shirt. I have to admit, I'm currently looking for women who are single, no kids, but want them - largely because there's an unequal dynamic when a man enters a family unit where the female partner already has children.

In my experience, mothers are more likely to raise issues with how a man interacts with their kids rather than the other way around. They set more boundaries, and are less likely to negotiate a compromise when it comes to how their kids are raised. This can lead to male partners feeling ignored, less like an active partner in raising the children concerned and more like a glorified unpaid babysitter who just follows orders. I can't see that being a healthy dynamic.

For the record, I think that men who bring their own kids with them into the relationship stand a better chance... they have more credibility when they say "I found that X approach worked well with my kids" than a previously single guy whose experiences with kids are seen as largely theoretical.

Of course, this is based on the experiences of myself and a number of close friends, and others' mileage may vary. There may be some mothers out there who are more open to being flexible and/or forgiving when a male partner doesn't do things exactly to their liking, but I'd be guessing they're kind of rare.

Posted by: GedIntoLife at May 25, 2007 11:34 AM

Patience,
I have really enjoyed reading your blogs, and respect your opinions. However, it appears that my innocent comment that I take being referred to as a MILF (which for a 13 yr old purely means 'shs hot', they do not use the term in a literal sense) as a compliment has now been turned into a reflection on my parenting abilities, the lack of standards I set for my son, the lack of boundaries my son recieves from me, blah blah blah.

Nearly ALL the rugby mothers in my town are attractive, and we all get "rated". None of them complain, None of their husbands complain, no one even thinks of it as aything more then it is...teenagers being teenagers.

We are all entitled to our opinions, and as I said Ive always agreed with yours on these blogs Patience, but possibly you overstepped the mark, I dont think an online stranger has ANY right to judge my parenting abilities based on the fact I enjoy a compliment.

Hovever I do recognise the fact that the act of posting a comment on here is an invitation for a response, and I also accept that someone from another generation may not be in touch with what is considered appropriate from the younger generation. Heres a thought though, if we all stopped being so quick to judge maybe there would be less of us on RSVP and more of us in happy relationships?

Posted by: BMouse at May 25, 2007 7:52 AM

I have been a single mum for 14 months and LOVE the sense of independance and opportunity to be introspective - I have never felt so empowered, although was scared witless at the beginning. I don't mind being called a yummy mummy, as I FEEL confident and attractive, even MILF works for me (ok maybe not from a 14 year old) as it feels good to be desirable, even in a wanton way!
Bottom line for me is that my son will ALWAYS come first and the right man (yummy daddy or not) will respect that and understand that I am capable of loving 2 males. After all, I have done so before I became a single mum!
Good luck to you all xx

Posted by: SummaLuvin74 at May 24, 2007 11:08 PM

I agree with Anon Beachmouse. Do you know the meaning of MILF?
Do you understand the implications of what you are saying and encouraging ?

What you should be doing is raising your boys to be respectful towards women and to see them as people not just as sex objects, and in particular respectful towards you in the special role of mother.
One way is to set boundaries and standards of acceptable behaviour.
13 year olds discussing how they rate their mothers sexually is overstepping the boundaries, and beyond their comprehension in any meaningful way. These are children. You need to be an adult and stop encouraging it. It is not cute, it is not right, it is very wrong. You should be there to discuss sex and relationships with your son, but this is not how you do it. If you haven't got a strong male role model around then read a few books such as Real Men by Helen Townsend or Manhood by Steve Biddulph with your son.

Posted by: patience at May 24, 2007 6:32 PM

hate typos, especially my own. anonymously, not anonomously. I knew there was a Y in there somewhere. Is anonymously even a word?

Posted by: Bmouse at May 24, 2007 4:22 PM

Anon...why wouldnt it be a compliment? I dont believe I said its an accomplishment. I also dont believe anyone should post negative responses to blogs if they can only do it anonomously.

Posted by: BMouse at May 24, 2007 10:50 AM

No sorry BeachMouse you misunderstood, I think its ewww that you think its a compliment that a pubescent boy thinks your a MILF, like its a great accomplishment to have a 14 year old drooling over you.

Posted by: anon at May 23, 2007 10:35 PM

Anon....youve obviously not had much to do with adolescent boys. what do you think they discuss, politics?

Posted by: BMouse at May 23, 2007 5:29 PM

There is something just a bit wrong about an Under 14 year old boy thinking of a Mum as a MILF ....Not sure how old you are BeachMouse but that it just really ewww.

Posted by: anon at May 23, 2007 12:50 PM

I am 35 year old single parent of one georgous 10 year old. There is before and after kids mentality with all men and women I think. With a lot of men I have met...I see that most times they are attracted to me and there can be a nice vibe as well, but when they discover I have a child they back away....there is so much hype out there about single parents that does not apply to me, I make my own money, have my own ambitions, am attractive inside and out, but my lifestyle is quieter then those completely single and I am less selfish. I have finally realised that it would work best if I found a single dad then deal with men who are not open to love with someone who has a kid. I don't view my child as baggage, he is a beautiful part of my great life, and even to go on a date with a person they would need to respect my lifestyle and be a grown up. 6% wow, that is pretty low!

Posted by: Nikki at May 23, 2007 11:21 AM

Tige00, your views on dating a single mother are valid, and you should be congratulted for your honesty. I have met guys on here in person who have stated they dont mind if Im a single mother, however if I have to break a date due to a family emergency or cant just drop everything to be with them it suddenly becomes an issue.

Oh, and I love the term Yummy Mummy, and the biggest compliment for me is when my sons's under 14 rugby team refer to me as a MILF..(Not that i would EVER let them know that!!!!!!)

Posted by: BeachMouse at May 23, 2007 6:56 AM

Bit deceiving a percentage as it seems half the peoples comments are made by single mums! Extra bagage is a no no for myself and apart from the rare few I would say the majority would be false sympathetic pretend gentlemen projecting their objective as one of true intent rather than the pothetic actual goal of expected easy intercorse. Really I would say a lot of these men ( particulay the under 25's ) are praying on those who see themselves as less desirable because of their situation!! My view may be harsh but girls. please don't settle for less than your level just to feel wanted. Everyone deserves to be treated properly.

Posted by: luke at May 23, 2007 2:22 AM

I admire the single mums for the fact that they do protect their children during dating and the early stages of a relationship. If they have children then the man has got to accept them for who they are and if it includes children as well so be it.
I think it is a very shallow mind that refuses to like someone based on if they have children. "Love overcomes all" and that's especially true with anything that a women brings into a relationship, be it children or dogs or her shoe collection.

I am a bit biased because I also have a daughter that I share 50/50 with her mother and I have dealt with the same shallow minds. When it rears its ugly head, honestly that person is out of my mind, and thoughts, straight away. I have plenty of time for relationships but I can't put my daughter on hold and miss her growing up. No issue!
So all you single mothers out there, there are the better men of this world that do appreciate what you have/are going through for the sake of your children.

On saying all of that I have met some wonderful women that have totally accepted my daughter even though they have no children of their own. They are truly special people and I know they have great hearts. That's all we are really looking for isn't it?

Posted by: Michael at May 23, 2007 12:46 AM

I'm single and i have a kid, but I've not found it a problem at all! Infact guys tend to say that seeing that other side to me, (the responsible lovin mummy thing) makes them fall harder for me. If they get to meet my kid, they tend to try and charm her as a way to my heart. To be honest anyone who found me having a daughter a turn off just aint someone I'd wanna data whether i had a kid or not. I say if you don't have a kid why not hire one to pose as your own so you can weed out all the miserable guys fast!

Posted by: unendingsky at May 22, 2007 10:58 PM

I am a widow of some years now and have a beautiful 16yo girl and 14yo boy. My experiences have continued to balance my attitude (isn't this just life), i have made some damn foolish mistakes along the way and are the wiser for it.
I have been quilty of taking children into the yes or no big picture, this was wrong,the ultimate partner/lover/friend/soul mate is what i am looking for and the children they may or may not have are part of the team, yours and mine.
I will always take a partners side in public, even if i disagree with issues at hand, must be united in family disputes
I will never be your childrens father but i can be a parent/father/carer.
I no longer get pissed off with the type of bloke who whines about having the kids every second weekend
(just a dream starting to come true for me, now they're getting older/self sufficient) for that selfish non-understanding bloke will never understand his own ignorance not his fault, just the way it is. If you don't like the attitude look for the attitude you do like. No point complaining. My wisdom is not complete but atleast well earnt.
I have found women that bypassed me because i have kids full time, now i simply think thats there loss not mine.
I do not include my kids or yours while i am dating,
I don't care if or how many kids you have for now i realise only 1 thing counts and thats the elusive 'x' factor that love that deals with the rest of life as something to do until i can gaze into your soul again. Who ever you show to be in time to come.

Posted by: justjump68 at May 22, 2007 10:37 PM

l think that yummy mummy is a ridiculous term. We are either mums or dads and thats the bare bones. We are on this site for whatever reasons without the added pressure of living up to expectations of others. l personally find it funny to read a profile of a guy who is obviously more than average in size, looking for a petite slim woman. Yeah we all have our preferences but puleeeze!!!!

Posted by: raindrop5 at May 22, 2007 10:35 PM

Hello
I watched my mother raise 3 boys, who were 4 years apart, on her own. She didnt have much of a life as she worked 5 1/2 days a week to ensure that our needs were met.
Any simgle mum in a job and raising children deserves a medal.
Ladies dont settle for second best.
Your children come first.
I would be happy to see a lady initially, 1 night during the week once her children were settled for the night or to go to dance lessons with and one night on the weekend once the children were settled.
As time progressed and things settled down being gradually introduced to the children is the only way to go.
As for sleep overs, well, if the children are shared with the ladys partner then that makes that weekend together more enjoyable.
I personally like independant ladies who are self assured and their own person.
Single mums who have a career, have a home and have a life, merge yor new partner, dont introduce him as a new addition. Afterall whats the hurry.
All the best

Posted by: Paul Casey at May 22, 2007 10:12 PM

I don't like the term yoummy mummy.It to me stereotypes single mums to be goodlokking and have slim figures.
And yes there are some but most are to busy in caring and spending there disposable income on their kids,so yes the figure does go to the background ,it's a same people in general have to be so shallow.

Posted by: at May 22, 2007 6:55 PM

This is an interesting discussion and one I must admit to have given alot of thought of late.

Now that I am in 30s and am still looking for Mrs right, I find a large percentage of women in my age bracket are single mothers.

Now originally I never would have considered it and on some level I will be honest and say I'm still uncertain about the whole deal.

While some may term my motivations as selfish, I don't consider them to be.

After all I think everyone has the right to aspire to that perfect relationship with that perfect partner.

After all RSVP itself asks us to specify a perfect partner when filling out our profiles.

The selfish aspect for me is that since I am yet to have children and would love to, I would like it to be with someone who is also yet to experience bulding a family.
I guess I've always had the classic relationship model in mind and am finding it hard to stray from that.
On another level though as a single guy who has dated single mothers you always have to consider the role the father is going to play in your relationship.
Sometimes like it or not the ex may still play a siginificant role in your partners life.
Not asking it to be otherwise but another man in your partners life on some level is quite often hard to handle.
Especially when you don't know the exact level of involvement. Even more so in the initial phase of the relationship.

Sometimes I also get a little irritated at single parents who are offended at someone who simply wants to experience that which they already have.

That said I am always honest and upfront about where I am on the subject if I start talking to a single mother and then leave the ball in her court.

After all we are all adults and are obliged to make our own judgement calls base on the information at hand.

If a profile says the woman is also seeking friendship with a male and not just long-term then I am also more willing to start an interaction.

After all who can't use a few new friends along the way to true romance?

I hope this hasn't offended any one here.
That is not my intent.

I do hope though that this may assist some in understanding the otherside of the story and not think that this topic is only one sided.

There are alot of A-holes out there I'm sure and I've heard some of the stories.

While we should all be cautious, I ask that you don't judge the next person you meet purely on the actions of the last one.

Everyone deserves a chance and that includes you.

Posted by: Tige00 at May 22, 2007 6:01 PM

Im a divorced guy from inner Sydney with 2 young children I have on a regular basis.I dont think theres any difference on the stigma attached to women as there is men , other than the fact that we are tarnished with the 'how would you leave a woman alone with children' stigma.Everyone has their own story.
Its not easy to find like minded people in this fast paced world.
I wouldnt mind it if there was in fact a seperate category altogether for people like us that would prefer to meet single parents only.
I know there are the 'searches' but I just think it would be easier , & more convenient.
Generally speaking I think its great & arguably this is a numbers game.

Posted by: alwayssmiling68 at May 22, 2007 3:05 PM

I have three children, all teenagers, who are my world, and come first. So any man who accepts me, accepts them. However, I would never expect a man to 'love' my children, I expect respect however from both a partner and my kids. You cannot force anyone to love your children.

Single Mums and Dads are full of courage to put themselves out there in order to meet someone. Rejection is not nice, and I know, I have sent countless kisses only to be told no thanks...but thats ok, somewhere out there in RSVP land someone may pop up one day and surprise me. Till then, I have my family and friends.
I have really enjoyed reading this blog.

To all the single Mums and Dads, cheers to you, and good luck!!

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at May 22, 2007 1:24 PM

I honestly can't understand how some people can be so shallow as to not want to meet single mums! I have 2 gorgeous girls and quite frankly find the same attitude on the other side of the fence. Most of these people dont seem to understand that single parents aren't necessarily looking for another parent for their kids, just a friend or possibly a partner! Come on guys, get over it - yummy mummies rock!

Posted by: beachhouseman at May 21, 2007 9:43 PM

Hi All. I am a single dad of two kids. I have found that some women will shy away for reasons like,they may have kids and 2 more is 2 many. They want a man with no kids as they think your looking for a mummy figure for my own. So i guess it works both ways.Limited it sometimes feels when one has his or her kids all the time, but i guess we should not feel like that as the attraction is between m/f and although kids matter but should not be a deterent.. But thats only my opinion.

Posted by: Rob at May 21, 2007 9:16 PM

new2syd76...damn if only I hadnt taken my profile off already, your profile is great and you sound lovely. Good luck to you, If all the guys on RSVP were as genuine sounding as you are I doubt there would be so any females with valid complaints on these blogs!!

Posted by: lulu at May 21, 2007 8:03 PM

Good on you Bellboy, you are damn right single mums don't have time to be stuffed around. No time for games, & believe me, there are guys out there who like to play them.
patience- your point about guys dating "women", rather than "mums" is a good one too. Everytime I've gone on a date, they have asked, often several times, what will happen with the kids. Do you really think we'd bring them along with us on a date?!!! Guys, you are dating US, not the kids. I haven't even met anyone yet that I'd like to introduce my kids to, no one's lasted beyond the 2 month mark- why confuse the kids?
Beachmouse- yes, I've found that a lot of guys haven't read my profile when they've sent a kiss- b/c when I mention them later in an email- the contact suddenly stops. It's worth taking the time to READ.
Kathinoz- all I can say is- well said!
Lastly, Blando- the "high maintenance" thing that comes with "childless" singles seems to ring true with males as well. Guys seem to be so much more well rounded & empathetic when they have kids. Regardless of age.
Then again- I could be pleasantly surprised tomorrow & blown out of the water, & meet a lovely guy who doesn't have kids....

Posted by: YS72 at May 21, 2007 7:49 PM

I'm a 30 year old 'almost' divorced father of one. Why do they make you wait 12 months when in some circumstances, there is no chance you ever take someone back? Anyway, 12 months is up and the paperwork is doing its thing. At 30, i'm the father of a 7 year old beautiful girl who lives with her mum.

What do women of my age think of this? It's a hard one to gauge and unfortunately, without my story being told, I could understand there would be a lot of negative energy around being 'divorced'.

Single parents and divorced people without their children have, what I see, a tough time ahead.

I have experienced the opposite, where my 'story' eases the concern, but why?

Do people who have proven their ability to commit appear more attractive to some? I don't know...

All I know is, is that Sydney is a big scary place when you only know a couple of people.

Good luck all. I hope we are successful in making many great friends and who knows, maybe meet that one special person who sees our life experiences as a good thing and not something to be worried about.

Posted by: new2syd76 at May 21, 2007 5:24 PM

I think that for a man to be more comfortable in a relationship with a woman with children is for him to have his own. I don't see children as baggage, they are a gift. Everyone has baggage whether they were divorced, seperated or even still living at home with mum

Posted by: classygem at May 21, 2007 8:04 AM

hi everyone,
a woman is a human being, irigardless with children or not, divorced or not they are stiil women, with feelings. turn the tables around should women ignore men because of children that you love and care about.......have a nice day......

Posted by: jim at May 21, 2007 7:10 AM

Male 45, 2 kids under 10, I see fortnightly.
Ive had relationships with both mum's and singles.
Bedroom wise, its up to the individual.(my preferance is mums)

Home (kids) wise, single woman really struggle with sharing a man WITH HIS KIDS as well. Sad but they dont understand the bond parents have with their kids.
As a parent you can understand kids, yours and your partners - whether it works is something to work on between you.

Raising kids is hard enough for 2 parents, let alone 1 - part time. Mum or Dad.

Yummy Mummy ...... every time.

Posted by: greg at May 20, 2007 10:15 PM

I think men looking for a women who has children is by far easier for them to date as the women being the ( mother)have the children to raise and the father sees them every other weekend which gives them more time available to date. Ive had men that wanted to meet up during a week night knowing i have a child ,they dont seem to give it a second thought where im putting my child ,so despite they have children( out of sight out of mind )i wont dump my child for a date so if they cant meet on the weekend or a day off, if thats not agreeable then its back to the drawing board ,so in conclusion men still remain self absobed and think we should do cartwheels to have e date with them well (its not on) wake up to yourself, would you really want to date someone that would place there child second best? and if u do! enjoy a lifetime of dating mothers who has very little values and morals and would put u second best if a good offer came along ,So what goes around comes around,admire the mother that put there children first and not you !

Posted by: Francene Meehan at May 20, 2007 8:19 PM

Yes, I'd certainly date a single mother....in fact, generally as a single father (I have my son 60% of the time), I find that other single parents are more understanding of MY responsibilities as a parent. I've found often that girls without children don't seem to understand that I can't just drop everything when they feel like catching up. So for me, single parents generally work out better.

Posted by: Toecutter72 at May 20, 2007 7:58 PM

Well I was a single mum until 3 months ago. I was always asked if I had children when I was out with friends, and of course I would tell the truth and they seemed to run real quick. Lucky for me I am now with my old neighbour who has always been there for me and my son. He loves the fact that he is with a mother, because he has seen how I have raised my son within the first five yrs of his life and would like to be a figure in his life to show right from wrong and plus to give my son additional play mates. So for all the guys out there that have harsh or not so nice words for single mothers..... Then you don't know what your missing out on!!

Posted by: Honest1985 at May 20, 2007 1:37 PM

Now here's a thing...

The whole 'Yummy Mummy' term that you are all advertising. Now doesn't that imply that all mums are attractive, or does that lead onto the other term - MILF?

Now I am sure we, both male and female, are aware of the MILF thing... So what is the difference between them - YM is someone you find attractive but don't want to sleep with and MILF is someone you don't find attractive, or do, but still want to sleep with?

I am confused. Maybe I need a YMMILF.

Posted by: Wouldn't u like 2 no at May 20, 2007 2:14 AM

i am a single dad with a six year old son hey it is not untill you experence how hard it really is and how much your life actually changes.bringing up a child of your own is a real pleasure but to be able to share that experience with another future love would make a fella much happier.it is easy for the woman to just walk away and start again also no need to pay minimal maintainance.my sons mother said im going to get married have children and never pay a cent towards his upbringing she only sees him in holidays and once a term when she shows up it happens both ways life is to short build that bridge get over it dont deprive a child just to spite the other ex put a smile on every ones face and be reasonable

Posted by: at May 20, 2007 1:18 AM

political correctness aside i reckon that the term yummy mummy is a term of endearment...meaning a woman who is mature enough in life without looking like a child nor someone who should be round a cauldron. Its a nice term with a little bit of risque about it yet not being demeaning ......... just a thought

Posted by: cookbrekkyfor2e at May 19, 2007 11:13 PM

Won't date a single Mum....that must be the guys in the 38-50 age bracket looking for a woman aged between 18 & 25, puleeese!

Posted by: Ang at May 19, 2007 5:23 PM

Hey, yet another single mother here. I love being a single parent (After the divorce that is). I cope quite well on my own, and have a great life. I have met men that don't have a problem with single mothers. Their main problem was always looks and money. I'm 40 and look pretty good. So I don't really know what men want. I've given up looking myself and am content to continue in my single parent role and enjoy it very much.

So all you single parents be proud of the job your doing and focus on your children, because I'm sure they won't leave you at the end of the day, and there love is usually always unconditional.

Posted by: Tessy at May 19, 2007 3:44 PM

I can't believe how negative people are! ALMOST all of you need to work on yourselves before you should EVER seriously consider dating anyone else - with kids or not!

Posted by: JD at May 19, 2007 10:17 AM

Hi yummy mummy's.
I definetely want to settle down with a single mom as I have a special respect for them.Single woman as I have met lot of them and I have come to understand they don't know what they want.I don't want[ yummy mummy] her to be a super model but atleast who takes care of herself, I don't have kids but kids with someone else but for me they are kids and I love kids and being a kid with kids I love it and the home enviornment changes,teasing mom,doing house work together,cooking ,going for family picnics This is my dream but because of lot of mean men around made single moms hard to believe honest person like us,they think that all men are same but it's not,some day someone wonderful will understand me to love and to be loved.I have lot to give but who wants it...I miss her and I miss my kids as your kids are my kids....I miss all fun of a happy family life. Cheers to you all my family and I miss you all.Ash

Posted by: DunhillDunhill at May 19, 2007 9:43 AM

HELL YES, im 40 next month and have a 13yr old daughter of my own, shallow people are the only ones who wouldnt go out with asingle mum, dont people our age realise that we have all had a relationship that we thought was our last and produced a miracle( horror, lol) from it, they are not mistakes the relationships were, but not at the time, cheers

Posted by: justmeremale at May 19, 2007 1:40 AM

With the compassion, understanding, generosity and the experience we have, what else can you ask for? I think we're actually more mature, down-to-earth and less complicated than most high-maintenance single chicks. I suppose like ok2behonest said, we have our individual personalities and circumstances.

Posted by: Hotcocoa15 at May 19, 2007 12:55 AM

My child has a father so i'm not here on RSVp looking for a replacement, they have a great relationship. But i agreed with the others as soon as you say you have kids some guys run for the hills - since when did childbirth become a social disease!!!!!! I agree that men are needy and don't like to share - i have male friends that back that up. Why is it that a responsible well educated, well employed woman who has managed to maintain a figure (touch wood) can't find a guy - even when profiles match??????

Posted by: ChamomileT at May 18, 2007 9:38 PM

I have just met a 'yummy mummy' who I would love to date. She is happy, funny, sensible and independent. I like that in a woman... She is pretty hot too. She has looked after herself very well and whilst many women can neglect themselves whilst bringing up their children - she hasn't. I don't have any children and understand that her son is her no.1 priority and that I could never take that away from her. I like it that they are settled and worldly wise. They tend not to have any issues as they have probably dealt with those sort of things already. Now, I've just got to convince her that I can be her man!

Posted by: magicroundabout at May 18, 2007 9:19 PM

Yummy Mummy name is so annoying to me....I am a single mum, the other day a guy drove past me as I picked my son up from school and yells out his car window YUMMY MUMMY, I wont write what I yelled back (glad my boy didnt hear).
Guys think that they can pick me up easy with their rediculous sleezy talk as if I am desperate for it or something because I am at home all the time with no man stuck with a kid, the fact is unless a guy is trustworthy, mature, gentle and what I want in a man then I am happy being single with my son.

Posted by: samantha at May 18, 2007 6:53 PM

I must say i agree with most of the other women's comments...men don't seem to be interested in single mums. We are not looking for a daddy for our babies!!! Yes, we share our time with our children, but we are not just mums: we are often business owners, workers, community members etc. We are also women, who have needs, wants and desires. And we're not that scary!!! :)

Posted by: Sistaa at May 18, 2007 5:34 PM

I think we are all forgetting one important factor - we are each individuals with variable needs - we also have different values and attitudes towards mums, dads, size/weight, smokers, height and much more!... I think rather than focusing on what people don't like about us we have to look at the positive attributes that we have as single parents (as people!), and realise that we have prob. being just as critical of others as they have of us..we are not a perfect barbie doll world, and although i have no issue with single dads, or a man carrying an extra few kilos, i have a huge issue with people who smoke, take drugs or try to impose their values on others - lets get real - accept yourself for who you are, learn to love yourself so that someone else can love you back...

Posted by: ok2bhonest at May 18, 2007 12:48 AM

I am so glad someone started this blog!

I am reasonably new to RSVP and a single mum, I have been single for 6 ? years. I'm only 29 but had my babes at a young age so they are now aged 8 and 11. These ages are absolutely fantastic! They are not children anymore but young people. Tell me how a guy with no kids who barely glimpses a profile is going to understand that they are not babies and we don?t need looking after! I?m in my final year of studying a biomedical science degree at uni, I packed my kids and I into our little pink festiva with our tent and went travelling across Australia by ourselves and my young ones have their own father!
We don?t need someone to look after us, I?m doing a fine job of that?

It would just be nice to have someone to share your thoughts and feelings with, share a passionate embrace with, open your eyes in the morning to your lover staring lovingly at you, being unable to keep the grin off your face at just the thought of that person! It would be nice to have someone by your side in the proud moments and the boring moments and the fun moments and the most amazing moments of your life!

Do we not deserve the right to be judged on ourselves and our personalities, not just the fact that we have had children? Come on guys! The divorce rate is somewhere near 50% isn?t it? Maybe one day you will be in this position yourselves?!

I guess I?m just over finally finding a decent profile and then seeing that ?no, have no children? specification. And don?t even get me started on the ones who rave on about single mums who have the audacity to send them a kiss when they?ve said have no children!
Thanks for the venting spot! :)

Posted by: Catten at May 17, 2007 10:22 PM

dating a "MUM" ? It's men dating women...not men dating "Mums" or alternatively women without children.

Thinking women wish to be recognised as persons in their own right, not categorised defined stereotyped and desexualised as a "MUM"

Posted by: patience at May 17, 2007 10:21 PM

I am a single mum and I would date a single dad, in fact I would rather date a single dad who has got his head screwed on and is independent (they are more likely to understand) oppose to a single guy with no kids who thinks the only way to have fun is getting drunk at a sleazy pub every night.
I am very independent financially, yes there are hard times but the good times out weigh the bad times when you have kids and we single mums definitely know how to have fun that doesn't involve getting drunk and going clubbing every weekend - Been there done that!
The only two things I find hard when dating single men with no kids is that 90% of them assume we sit at home all day twiddling our thumbs and don?t know how to have fun anymore, ha ? or they do eventually want their own children someday where as I am certain that I do not want anymore!
I am out and about majority of the time if I can help it, I have a 2 year old boy and it would just be like committing suicide if we sat at home all day long, not to mention now juggling 3 jobs, there is never a dull moment in our home.
In my previous relationship my ex-partner could never understand how full on it is to take care of a child, keep the house and work, then spend some time alone if your lucky, let alone time alone with your partner.
I really enjoy having my space whenever I can get it, as any mum would understand that that's a rare occasion and it's hard when guys can't understand this. Guys should welcome us with open arms because I can admit it when I was younger and smitten for a guy I could get a little clingy (and we know how much you men hate that) but now it?s a whole different story, I would say I am very much the opposite now.
I don?t believe in allowing the person your dating to meet your child/ren as it can hurt them more than yourself if anything went pear shaped and I wouldn?t recommend any particular time period when this should happen either as it depends on your own children, their personalities and when you feel they are ready for another person to enter their life, follow your instincts, which parents are strongly equipped with!
I don't want a man to pay my bills or become a father figure to my son, he already has a dad, he doesn't need two. I just want to eventually find my soul mate and my best friend to share my life with, wether he already has kids or not, and that's why we are all here right?

Posted by: Najey84 at May 17, 2007 9:23 PM

I am a single dad of 54 who started late in life. Would love to meet a lady with or without kids as I am very young at heart. I have met ladies, after a while let them meet the kids and then they run. Not prepared to share the love with my kids. reality hits. I wish I could find a genuine woman who matches her profile in truth via the mirror and not her eyes.

Posted by: nowfeelingood at May 17, 2007 7:49 PM

I found your survey results pretty astonishing and I find being referred to as a yummy mummy pretty patronising to say the least. So I'm led to conclude that it's not having a child that most men don't like but it's the fact that I'm intelligent, independent, financially secure and probably earning more than them that's the issue. At least there have been a few men here who are supportive of single mothers and it's really nice to read their comments...

Posted by: tango1971 at May 17, 2007 6:51 PM

I think yummy mummies are great some have the greatest thing in the world and there is nothing in the world that can beat going out with a mum.The joys of life and experiences you share with them is priceless. I would love to meat another yummy mummy with a very young baby girl. to spoil and cherrish as they . I found it to be so fulfilling as a part of my life the best i had ever felt and the most alive ive ever been they become very special to you and a big part of you life.

Posted by: Steve at May 17, 2007 6:20 PM

Bell boy great response and i agree wholeheartedly. Mums are the greatest people on earth..Why Read on.............
Giver of life and hugs and kisses, wiper of noses and sewer of trousers, patcher of skin with care and affection, you sent us off in the right direction. You accepted our failures and yes there were lots, you put cream on our faces and all of our spots. You taught us to speak, to write and to read, and in life take it slow and never to speed. For to go too fast is too miss something good.You kept us safe and kept us warm, taught what is right and what is wrong. Everything we are and all we will be, we owe it to you and you gave it for free. Your our mother and the only one we'll have, and this we say to you with all of our love.THANKYOU. Thankyou for all you have done and for all you have been, and if we have learnt anything in life.....theres nothing greater than a Mothers Love...........

Posted by: cookbrekkyfor2 at May 17, 2007 4:48 PM

Bellboy74...thank you thank you thank you. You have restored my faith in the male species; having been "played" once too many times by the guys here on RSVP Im about to quit internet dating. If only every guy had the same mature, thoughtful outlook you have re: single mums, and can I just say I think single dads are wonderful too.

Posted by: beachmouse at May 17, 2007 9:33 AM

Mums Make the World go Round...

I have dated mums and women without kids and believe the mums win out most of the time.

There are indeed fabulous women who aren't mums who are well in tune with those around them. However there are more that seem to be constantly looking for themselves.. The mums I know found themselves pretty suddenly, with pregnancy, labor, feeding, the loss of a partner etc. The mums have incredible resilliance, patience and empathy. And with all the added complications in their lives, they have a really good go at trying to fit in a new relationship. What I love about the mums I've met the most, is that they don't mess you around. There's simply no time in their lives for games. Go mums. Clearly, mums wont suit everyone online, but don't discount them because you read the "Yes" have children. The honesty you'll find dating a mum will be refreshing - don't screw them round - there'll be no second chance..

Posted by: bellboy74 at May 17, 2007 8:11 AM

Happy Mothers Day to All single mothers out there!
being a single mum...back in the dating scene again, Im finding this a great learning experience, I am an eternal optimist that believes something good always comes out of any lesson in life...I have had some not so good lessons, as we all have, men and women, this sight is full of people with some sort of baggage, history or what not...but you need to look to tomorrow..Im still looking for a man in my life..and have dated some wonderful men off rsvp and some not so wonderful...I have learned from that and moove on! Never ever expect single mums or dads are looking for a substitute father or mother as our children already have their own...feel the love of your children...love yourselfs and life will happen! take care.

Posted by: Amanda at May 17, 2007 12:23 AM

The biggest thing about dating or forming a relationship with a person with kids is to put your kids first. Build bridges by doing things (not only all together), but individually with your partner's kids eg. a trip to McDonalds, the park, sporting games. It will gain your mate's respect and also that of your mate's children. First and foremost, love your children the most they're only with you for a short time. Often the down side of dating someone is that you don't know how your kids and them are going to get on until they actually meet. That is risky business in itself. Sometimes the kids adore them but it doesn't work out between the two of you. Above all, take your time with each other, don't rush it. If it's meant to be you will have a lifetime with each other; even after the kids are gone. Love to you all and I hope you find what you are dreaming of .... be it singledom or in partnership with that special person.

Posted by: AprilWildFlower at May 16, 2007 10:15 PM

After reading all of everyone else's comments and opinions, I have one comment of my own to make.

Guys, wot century are you living in?

Single mums have learnt to be independant and self sufficient, and you wonder why? and are scared of them.

We would'nt be single if you got with the times dated us..

Posted by: jard145 at May 16, 2007 10:11 PM

I think single fathers have no problem dating single mothers...just look at the last few entries above and see what is the main purpose for the woman in the relationship - Carer for their kids!
I actually read a profile once by a man who was looking for a good woman to cook ,clean and look after his kids.
Isn't it romantic?

Posted by: patience at May 16, 2007 5:52 PM

I really like the idea of dating a single mum or even just finding one as a friend but I find it's almost impossible because I myself have kids. I think so many yummy mummys think a single wealthy model is gonna sweep them of their feet and buy them a beema. My situation is my ex and I separated and we had 50-50 share of our 2 kids but she found some one and it became just weekends 4 her then it became me full time. So It sort of seemed to me that taking the path of being a single dad is akin to taking the path of being single forever which is a shame. For the record Im 6 ft with a 6pack v good looking and v easy to get on with, but it all counts for nothing when your a yummy daddy cause ya cant exactly 'pick up' with the kids..well it wouldn't b a good look. So I joined RSVP but it seems most ladies want single (unecummbered)men and none seem to entertain the idea that a guy could genuinly want a female as a friend. joining the monastery

Posted by: billyyboy at May 16, 2007 4:00 PM

im a single mum of an almost 2 yr old boy iv found most men think its ok if u have a child only as long as u can palm them off to people all the time thats y i stay away from men 99.99% r just pigs any way

Posted by: toxic01 at May 16, 2007 2:32 PM

i definately would consider dating a mum, and am even looking for at the moment, someone who is older then me. im very attracted to older women because, they dont play games, they dont go out every night and get pissed and you dont get a lot of bullshit with them. I think since ive had a daughter, even though she doesnt live with me, ive matured past girls younger then me and even my own age. women with kids is not an issue with me.
I dont think they look for a replacement dad in a partner, thats silly because no one can replace a kids real dad. they look for someone to just share their lives with and would be good around their kids.
They are also more loving, caring and they need that from us too, because of all the stress of work, kids etc

Posted by: werribee24m at May 15, 2007 10:57 PM

Ive read so many of these so called comments and have to say male or female their seem to be a Lot of Big headed people with a lot of time on their hands and doing nothing but whining..Hey Wake up smell the roses if you find who you are looking for then you Both have to work at it kids or No kids sheesh Im a single dad like so many we to have had a hard time of it as well finding a partner without kid issues either side of the fence just isnt easy,Work hard be good to your kids and yourself enjoy life if its meant to be with someone then it will just happen,If not well get a bigger mirror take a longer harder look at yourself not everyone else..Cheers and The best outa life for you all :)

Posted by: Rainagain at May 15, 2007 10:31 PM

I would rather date a lady that does have a child, as i am a single dad and i'd rather see my child looked after by someone who has a little bit of experience, rather than someone who thinks they can because it may be fun! thumbs down to all the ****** out there praying on single mums. Another thumbs down for the mums who have a child for money, a child has to be looked after and cared for 100%. To all don't just jump in, think about the consiquences first bye.

Posted by: pete at May 15, 2007 8:46 PM

Dating a single mum is wonderful - as a single father with a daughter I appreciate a woman's input regarding raising my girl to be a young woman.

Posted by: vortex71 at May 15, 2007 8:09 PM

lots of guys dont read profiles, they must stop at the pics, cos i get tons of kisses fm guys who want more kids. mine clearly states i wont. the idea we can "cross that bridge when we come to it" is ridiculous, cos its a dealbreaker from the start. i only want to start something with someone who is at least on the same page as me at the beginning.

Posted by: k at May 15, 2007 5:43 AM

Ok, Ive read most of the comments above and have to agree to most and disagree to some. Every person is different, the same as everyone's marriage/relationship breakdown is different. Its what makes the world go round.
Im a divorced mother of 2 gorgeous kids and am pretty well self sufficient but still need the love of a good man for ME.
I do not expect any man I meet to instantly bond with my kids - it isnt going to happen. My children have their father's love and support in that area.
But when it is all said and done "I AM A PACKAGED DEAL" (just as I suspect many men on RSVP are).

And to finish on, just remember guys, most of us women in the 40+ group can hold an intelligent conversation, may not have the figure of Elle but have a heart that can love their kids & YOU at the same time.

Posted by: OneHotMamma at May 14, 2007 6:32 PM

Ive never had a problem dating single mothers, if it wasnt for mothers none of us would be here right now, single mothers have a right to find happiness and single guys who discriminate against single mothers dont really want a relationship with an interestion person.

Posted by: Evans at May 14, 2007 6:10 PM

I personally would prefer ladies with kids around the age of my own. This way both partners appreciate the others situation.
Ladies with no kids or kids that have flown the nest looking for "my time" can demand to much time and attention as well as being
high maintenance.

Posted by: Blando at May 14, 2007 5:42 PM

Yummy Mummys?? Sure! I like em! I care for my 76 year old Mum and I've taught her what a Yummy Mummy is. Now, when we go driving or shopping, she points them out for me if I miss any! Go on you Mum!! :o)

Posted by: Mark at May 14, 2007 1:51 PM

I have never dated in my life, I have two young children and only became single in january. I had already entered a short term relationship but had to split due to distance. He never had any problem with my boys and was great with them. Possibly wouldn't introduce another guy until I knew if I was really interested him. I reckon its a lot to do with personality and looks which i imagine would be really hard if you didn't have either of these qualities. I am only just entering work and study again but have no problems with getting attention, go figure. I guess that could be put in the men like to look after us poor precious creatures view, but I've never been against being looked after; mind you don't try and tell me how or what to be or look out! Oh yeah I have no probs with dating Dads the more the merrier I say.

Posted by: Maryanne at May 14, 2007 1:27 PM

SOME men haven't taken a look in the mirror latlley. those who at 40, expect a woman of 40 to still be a size 10 to 12. yes they are out there, and power to em. I feel for the lady who spent money on stamps just to be rejected due to her dress size. are some of you blokes sure your on the right track, if it's models you want then shouldn't you be at the gym at a high level areobics class instead ?you (may) even get lucky, you may even have the personality to match. Rather than wasting a womans time who has better things to do with her priorities as a person and a mum. I say to you show us YOUR magazine perfect 6 pack, and those bulging biceps then,-go on.

Posted by: joey at May 14, 2007 12:34 PM

Dating a single parent is not all bad, you just need to find the right person that fits. Isn't that why we are all on RSVP? if you do not want to date any one with kids then put it on your profile and read the other person's profile before sending a kiss. My profile has "with kids" as my time is limited as I work full time and look after my children. I am looking for someone who will understand this and not compete against my kids for my time.
I am not saying that men who do not have children are not understanding, I just dont want anymore and I would not want a man to give up that right, unless he is definant that he doesn't want any of his own.

Posted by: Michelle at May 14, 2007 12:18 AM

Yummy mummy? Milf? Bring 'em on! I love it ;-P

Posted by: Anon at May 13, 2007 9:43 PM

I am upfront about my single motherhood, check out my profile if you dont believe me :-)....and I need to put this question..why do guys who state their Ideal Partner would "have no children" still 'kiss' me? Almost as confusing as guys who say they dont like pets 'kissing' me even tho it is obvious my German Shepherd is a big part of my life. Duh...do they really think I would choose a guy over my son, or even my dog??? Makes me seriously wonder what exactly they want from me..and I dont think its a long term relationship!

Posted by: Beachmouse at May 13, 2007 7:56 PM

Single dads are also hard to date ,i called a guy off here and because i worked at the same place his ex does he thought i was her?
Geez guys get a grip if you don't live in the city of course your going to meet someone that might work in the same place as your ex but don't know them.And i have found single dads don't like woman that have custody orders against there exs even if they desrve it,Every divorce is different not all are amicable even 7 years later.

Posted by: Hahaha at May 13, 2007 7:38 PM

hi there,i have dated moms with children and ladies with out children and i find ladies with kids so much more fun to be with,i felt more relaxed and open and found women with children to be more warm and loving and easy to get along with,they dont go on about where there have been over seas,how much money they have or how sercure they are so me personally i would prefer to date a lady with kids

Posted by: justaniceguy1959 at May 13, 2007 7:33 PM

i would consider friendship or sex but not a serious relationship and I'm upfront about it in my profile

Posted by: paul mcuudden at May 13, 2007 6:16 PM

It is refreshing to hear that some women do find having a kid a positive however for the most part I have been shutdown because I am a parent. As one wise mother put it to me. Women generally have a harder time bonding to a mans child than a man bonding to a womens child. Babies come from a women, they grow inside them, they nurse this infant. During these times a special bond is formed between mother and child and does not occur any other way. Where as a man involvement, attachment to child is based on care, protection, love for a child. He does not experience the birth like a women so his bonding values are based outside of this, and these events can happen with a child from another man.

Personally I know this is true, my two older brothers were adopted and still to this day we all love our father the same and he loves us the same. It is equal in all of our eyes.

I have love for an ex-partners child. We still spend time together and I play an important male role in her life and forever will.

So simply put. I wish there were more women who understood this and appreciated men for the beautiful creatures we are and opened up to possibilities for both fathers and those who have always wanted to be. Don't discriminate. Open your heart to all men regardless of child status.

Peace y'all ;)
clay74

Posted by: Clay at May 13, 2007 3:42 PM

I am a single mum of two with a very good job and have been providing for my kids for a long time on my own. I do find that a lot of men are petrified that I am looking for a meal-ticket or a replacement dad. This doesn't make sense to me at all. I have also found that men I have dated have been happy enough to have a short term relationship, but have not considered a single mum worthy of a long term commitment. It is really sad because I feel that having been able to get a great job, look after myself and my kids I have shown that I have a really worthwhile person who has got a lot to give a man, not take!

Posted by: Elizabeth1970 at May 13, 2007 2:36 PM

Hi all,

Happy Mother's day!!

I'm a single dad with a half-time 9 yr old son.

When you have a child, he/she becomes part of the dating equation.

As I've mentioned my delightful son in my profile, women I've dated frm RSVP have all been very generous & accommodating re my child. Didn't matter whether they have their own children or not. I guess there may be a gender difference for some???

Only thing I'd add is even in the face of dissapointment with some men, try to keep an open and soft heart...

Yonni (aka coolandcrazy) X

Posted by: Yonni at May 13, 2007 12:55 PM

Single mums are like frozen pizza. Pre-prepared and when thawed and cooked slow, end up just as tasty without all the preparation time.

If that sounds silly, then it is. Yet I'd rather go out with someone with kids that someone without - who has a hidden agenda!

I agree that it's a good idea to introduce kids at a time when you're convinced it has a good chance of success. Especially when one partner has just the 1 child and wants defacto brothers/sisters. Ouch!

Anyway, mums rule and happy mothers day!

Posted by: OceanSmiles at May 13, 2007 7:55 AM

Rapunzelunravelled... sorry, but I'm curious and I have to ask... What about those guys who have not been fortunate enough to have kids of their own? You know, the ones who always wanted kids, but could never get fortunate enough to find that special lady. Are these proverbial boys in your eyes?

Posted by: ShiGui at May 13, 2007 1:21 AM

Like Elle, and Kathinoz I've had the odd time waster in my life but really it's easy - I'm not interested in someone who isn't a dad - that is often a criteria which separates the men from the boys.

Not that I believe in the brady bunch scenario but nor do I want someone who doesn't appreciate the responsiblities a parent has, and which are ultimately character building.

Besides, you can tell a person's self esteem by the way they treat their children and a man with healthy self esteem is more likely to respect me and my needs as well as his own.

Single parenthood isn't easy, blended families aren't easy but the most valuable things in life rarely are.

Posted by: Rapunzelunravelled at May 13, 2007 12:55 AM

Happy Mothers Day! :)

I have dated a single mum (not from RSVP) and it was great. I met her kids and got on with them quite well. One of the best experiences in my life was playing soccer with her little boy or dollies with her little girl. Crocodile Dentist was a riot lol. We had to break up a year ago and she has moved on, gotten another bloke... I'm still searching.

After having this experience, I would date a single mum again. The experience also taught me that any single mum would have to understand that I would want some kids of my own someday and would want some more of her own.

Posted by: Shigui at May 13, 2007 12:45 AM

Happy Mothers Day to all the mums out there for tomorrow. I am a single mum and I am kinda new to the dating scene again and find it harder being a mum then when I had no kids unless the guys have kids themselves usually , thats what i have noticed.

Posted by: Amanda at May 12, 2007 11:51 PM

Hmm,

Yummy Mummys are great and I would date them if I could gurantee myself that I could give 100% to them and their children if they need it. I suppose I wouldn't want to be seen as the token father figure ahead of the relationship with the woman. It's a wholistic relationship.
There's enough prejudice on this site from both sexes based on look age and status-is it any wonder that some still get picky about mothers?

Posted by: StretcherBearer at May 12, 2007 9:54 PM

Being a full time dad....I admire single mums. God knows it is not easy to be a parent, work, and find time to meet someone new. Good on you single mums :) I think if you have a child, whats a few more going to do except enhance your life even more!

Posted by: bambusa at May 12, 2007 9:11 PM

Ages and stages....

I want a man who has experienced raising children, but I want them to be grown up as mine are. A lot of men in my age group now have young children(men marrying later) and there is no way I would put myself back into being a carer for young or teenage children-part time or not!
I would enjoy being a part of the lives of his adult or almost adult children.
I deliberately chose not to seek a new relationship with a man until my own children were grown up because I felt it was so important to maintain the idea of our family unit and security being solid and forever.
If one parent has deserted ,then a new partner is very threatening to children, no matter how old. I have rarely seen or heard about successful blended families, but I have heard a lot about the pain and heartache they bring for all involved.

I think it is far easier for the non custodial parent to be involved in a relationship.
Without men bashing I am quite concerned when I see a profile that stresses that they are looking for a relationship with a woman with young children..draw your own conclusions...

Kathinoz...don't write off those men not interested in taking on someone else's dependent children as selfish.....the legal world is now conferring rights on non biological children whereby they can claim child support and contest wills.
dlad54 I agree children are not baggage, but just because someone doesn't like children or other peoples children doesn't make them bad...just realistic. Would you prefer they lied and then it all ends in pain?
Women complain about wanting honesty, but when we get it we don't like it!
Angus 71 if I was young single again I would think the same way you do.

Posted by: patience at May 12, 2007 6:44 PM

I'm really sick of guys wanting elle and not a real woman.You have to have no problems no probs with the x.Gee not everyone can have a amicable divorce,maybe guys that are divorced should say they want to meet a woman with no pain in the arse exs who knows?This dating thing remionds me of teenage years,and i'm older and wiser maybe i shouldn't be dating?

Posted by: Had enough! at May 12, 2007 5:36 PM

The overwhelming impression i have got,is that woman see a single dad,as just extra work!and it dosent matter how much you bendover to acommadate,her kids thats ok!but godforbid they do anything to help you.It is a financal burdon also,woman wants a provider for her needs, kids included,sorry just how i see it!Iam a dad, and its hard to find a companion,

Posted by: cabes at May 12, 2007 5:28 PM

I'm two years out of a 13yr relationship & have two beautiful lil girls.I work fulltime & I'm very independant & content in my life & i find ppl respect me in general for that.Being a single mum means my children do always come first & yes some days are overwhelming trying to juggle it all but anyone worthwhile dating would be understanding to that.They would have to be someone very special to get the privledge to meet my children.I think its perfectly fine for guys to state their preference as I've noticed many do on their profiles.I'd rather know straight up if they werent interested because of the child factor,each to their own afterall!Yes ppl will have opinions & some will judge before really getting to know you but thats life & human nature.I think there are guys out there that would be overwhelmed with the thought of dating a single mum & also guys that think your only good for a hook up but i dont waste my time with them. Its the guys that take the time to know you that see just how much of a beautiful person you have become because of the love & dedication you have for your children.They are the guys you want to meet!The rest are not worth a second thought & are the ones missing out on the joys laughter & smiles children bring...

missminxy77

Posted by: Rachael at May 12, 2007 12:59 PM

I'm two years out of a 13yr relationship & have two beautiful lil girls.I work fulltime & I'm very independant & content in my life & i find ppl respect me in general for that.Being a single mum means my children do always come first & yes some days are overwhelming trying to juggle it all but anyone worthwhile dating would be understanding to that.They would have to be someone very special to get the privledge to meet my children.I think its perfectly fine for guys to state their preference as I've noticed many do on their profiles.I'd rather know straight up if they werent interested because of the child factor,each to their own afterall!Yes ppl will have opinions & some will judge before really getting to know you but thats life & human nature.I think there are guys out there that would be overwhelmed with the thought of dating a single mum & also guys that think your only good for a hook up but i dont waste my time with them. Its the guys that take the time to know you that see just how much of a beautiful person you have become because of the love & dedication you have for your children.They are the guys you want to meet!The rest are not worth a second thought & are the ones missing out on the joys laughter & smiles children bring...

missminxy77

Posted by: Rachael at May 12, 2007 12:57 PM

Hi there all at RSVP,

Happy Mothers Day to all the mums on Sunday. :)

It amazes me, as there are just as many single dad's to the single mum's ratio, if not more these days !!

Men who do have kids, it's all about him & his wants & needs, focusing only on what he wants out of life ! Very selfish indeed !

Grow up guys, if your over 30 + most women would have already had kids, and from a woman's point of view, i don't want to be raising kids for the rest of my life !

No way, that's why i had kids when i was younger so that they could grow up with me.

If a woman is independant etc, isn't that a bonus ?My guess is she would only like you for who you are, not what you have or haven't got !

Us mum's are LEGENDS !!

Don't forget that.

And always ?
Where did you come from ?

Stop & think..........

P.S. Well said sparklingfun07, you go girl lol

Posted by: Lea Johnstone at May 11, 2007 10:58 PM

I have been a single mum for a lot of years and now my children are all grown up and have children of there own which makes me a very proud grandmother.I to have found that as soon as I say either that I am buying my own home I have been in my job for 20 yeras or I am a grandmother that is the end of a conversation.I am proud of what I have accomplished on my own but it would have been even better if I had some body by my side to share life experiences with.

Posted by: Helenjoy at May 11, 2007 10:23 PM

I have both dated men with children and men without kids. I am still not sure as to which I prefer. They both have their pros and cons. All I want is to someone to accept me as for who I am and not see me as just a single mum with kids and someone has to look after us. I am very independant and usually earn more than the guys I date. Money is not important to me, just getting alone with that person and knowing that things will hopefully work out in the end. My kids are important to me and they will come first. But dont forget, us single mums are still loving caring people who can fit a man into our lives quite easily if they are the one.

Posted by: Twazme at May 11, 2007 10:00 PM

I bought stamps contacted all the guys that saw my photo and apparently were very intersted,but whenb they found out i ws a size 16 to 18 weren't interested any more.I don't understand how these guys can think a 40 yr old woman with kids can spend most of there day at the gym keeping the 20 yr old figure it's not reality for the average woman on a aeverage wage that loves her kids.

Posted by: Realmum at May 11, 2007 9:00 PM

thinking the same as many...men just need to have their "needs met" they dont seem to want or need anything else...as long as they gewt their rocks off.....so to speak...they seem happy....bout to end rsvp...as men i find are all the same on here!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: loverach6ft at May 11, 2007 8:43 PM

single mums i would definatly date i feel that everyone has a past includeing me and you take people for who they are iv'e dated single mothers befor and found the children can also have an impact on the relationship in a positive way if your honest i have 2 children from a past marrige and they are part of who i am so the same goes for a single mother aswell

Posted by: bundyatheart at May 11, 2007 8:00 PM

I wouldn't date someone with a child - definitely a deal breaker for me.

I also wouldn't want to date someone who had been married previously.

I do want to have children, but of my own...

Just my preference.

Posted by: Angus1971 at May 11, 2007 5:55 PM

I'ts a package deal.

As long as I am not expected to be the father figure. At least not at first. Something that will need to be discussed.

Mine have grown and flown but if a relationship includes chi