RSVP Blog

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Posted by: RSVP at June 26, 2007 10:11 AM

claretjewel

Fortune reading with you?
No way!
No wonder the wider community thinks tarot reading/New Age is a load of hogwash when unprincipled people like you exist!

"I told him what I thought of her, in no uncertain terms, I was a little jealous already, because she was a bit of a slut...."
It's about time to scrub up on some ethics claretjewel & acquire a level of responsibility, yes, even tarot readers are supposed to have those....

Posted by: tooscaredtoreveal at June 26, 2007 9:33 AM

I definately think there needs to be some spark of attraction on a first date. It is true that you grow to love someone over time, but initially there does need to be chemistry. Unfortunately, if I don't get any sparks from the first date, there usually isn't a second one, sorry. But at the same time, there is a lot to be said about persistance. So if you get the flick after the first date, and think there really is something there, don't give up!

Posted by: songndance at June 25, 2007 11:18 PM

confused in Melbourne..
three dates is nothing! Eventually the right one will come along...just takes time and trial and error.
Perhaps you are looking at this as you would have a business proposition where everything is tied up neatly in a short time...not possible with the unpredictablility of humans!
You might be giving out a 'rushed' vibe.

Posted by: patience at June 25, 2007 9:30 PM

Well, I have only met one guy from RSVP, and after a few emails and phone conversations, I asked him over to my place. Now, before you all gasp in horror, it was for a Tarot Reading. I'm a professional reader and he wanted to see what his future would bring, probably with RSVP, and I thought it was a good way to meet and kill 2 birds with 1 stone, so to speak. If we didn't gel, at least I'd make some money! Well, it was quite interesting, as I saw my card in his relationship future, but unfortunately, there was another woman, before me, whom he admitted to contacting the night before. She worked in Sydney, we live on the Central Coast, and he was going to meet her after work soon! I told him what I thought of her, in no uncertain terms, I was a little jealous already, because she was a bit of a slut and I guess thats all he wanted, cause I never heard from him again, and his profile is no longer visible. That was nearly a year ago, God I've been on here that long!! So, if anyone wants there fortune read, send me a email.

Posted by: claretjewel at June 25, 2007 11:31 AM

Okay, now that I've thoroughly read through this blog...

To Patience and dingblue and all the other wonderful story tellers... your first date mentions had me in various stages of suspence and laughter. {Patience, I have three felines so I can very well imagine the kitty kaper}

As for the topic... I have to admit, my intuition has been much on the mark about when it comes to meeting people on dates. {Both now that I'm on RSVP and prior to then}

I do hate it when emails and phone calls have you getting along so well, that in one's mind one creates a persona that fizzles in real life.

For this reason, I have learnt to not read too much into profiles, to not make too much out of 'connecting' and also to listen very very carefully at what is actually being said - and not hearing what I WANT to hear.

I'll admit to being quite cynical when it comes to being told one thing and having it mean the total opposite of what I could have percieved it as. {such as when I met my son's father overseas and he wanted me to live in his country for us to be together... yet at the end of a month he couldn't wait to get me onto the plane to return home}

Occasionally I have taken to the second date because I knew that one or the other of us {last time it was him} was nervous on date one and date two may be a different scenario...

but usually that intuition knocks at my door of sensibility and reminds me of the facts. {For whatever reason, I'm not connecting.}

Posted by: MadameSansAmant at June 24, 2007 9:57 PM

WOW! congratulations TishB - Blog award for the weekend!

Posted by: Riversong1 at June 24, 2007 7:58 PM

After reading through all of the posts in this I'm just as confused as ever. Unfortunately I've been out of the dating game for 6 years due to having a business that took up so much time that I had no time left for anything or anybody else. I've sold the business, and so for the last 3 months I've found myself here on RSVP. I've had met 3 really nice ladies for dates, but each time I get told a few days later "you are a really nice guy, but there was no chemistry".
What's going wrong - have I lost something? forgotten something? doing something wrong? what the heck is this chemistry thing that I just can't remember? Has dating changed in the last 6 years?

Someone please help me!! It's getting a little frustrating and I would really like to make it to a second date with someone soon!

Confused in Melbourne...

Posted by: Confused in Melbourne at June 24, 2007 5:04 PM

I been on here for 2yrs! I've been on plenty of dates although it took me nearly a whole year to get my first one.
Except for my first date(which I thought went well), I can always tell when we're not suited for each other. I've never been the one to say "I don't think we have much in common", mainly due to the fact I'm a desperate bloke who would take advantage of anything coming his way :-)

I've had 2 relationships and one really hot first date...(shouldn't have happened).

first date should be at a local pub. Whether you drink or not it is a real comfortable atmosphere, much better than a cafe.
Second date should be dinner or a live band. bands are really good. If third date comes along and still no spark(sex), "seeya".

One date last year took me on 3 movie dates, but we didn't have a chance to talk much. It was hopeless... and I hate movies!

It took a while but I've finally worked out how to use this site and get dates from it. Hopefully I can find a girl who will last.

Posted by: at June 24, 2007 4:13 PM

This one has been going for a while, and it's taken me all afternoon to read it - and laugh - damn did I laugh. Sorry guys, disasterous dates of others are just good entertainment when written so well.

I did notice a blog from one guy I had been talking to via email etc. He was quick off the bat to ask me to coffee (and I'm still waiting). His profile says he always answers his emails/kisses etc. (and I'm still waiting), that he prefers upfront honesty (yes, you guessed it, still waiting). So I haven't got to that first date (and I dont have Patience's fortitude here either). I figure his loss - no explanation either, talking all night then next day - dead silence....gotta love the gutless wonders we stumble across here. If you don't like her/him or they aren't to your satisfaction, then nicely say so - we are not made of glass!!! It isn't like we've had disappointments before (hello!!! We are on an internet dating site!).

I didn't got back for the second date with a recent RSVP'er. He was the perfect gentleman at dinner, even paid for me, called after I left to apologise for something he thought he should of done - I was in RSVP heaven...until the next day - gave him my phone number and he called constantly - became cruder and more disgusting each time and wondered why I was tuning out and turned off...I dont care if he scratches his "bits", I just dont need to hear about it!!! You get the picture - needless to say there aint no second date!

The ones I really love are those that tell you "sorry but I've just started seeing someone" and obviously they are seeing them an awful lot online because they are ALWAYS online.....be truthful....men and women are both guilty....but most of all, keep the stories rolling, I haven't laughed so much in a long, long time! Dayan...sorry about your disaster.....ever considered moving north???

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at June 24, 2007 3:38 PM

Yay, last blog of the night! I did it. A comment for every topic.
Now I don't really have anything to say on this topic, I already mean-mouthed one poor man a bit further up the blogs, so I'm reluctant to say anything about anyone else. Great reading, keep going, the stalwart bloggers seem to have become a little quiet, perhaps it's time for some new topics?

Posted by: TishB at June 23, 2007 8:45 PM

HelloRob67.. I would hope that the majority of people on a singles dating site are without a partner....

datescomeandgo....I don't think it is a matter of respect when it comes to dating. there is absolutely no point in having a second date with a person in whom you are not interested. Why prolong the disappointment?

Posted by: at June 23, 2007 1:25 PM

Honestly why dont people say thanx but no thanx. After long chats via email for weeks and even more chats online for hours, then you give your mobile out and you msg for a date and they meet you (maybe). You follow up with a lets meet again msg. Then nothing not even a sorry, after all the chats about being honest and up front. So guys of Newcastle be honest, as us girls we can take it. We are not after players just a good guy with some manners.

Posted by: totalbabe at June 23, 2007 12:33 AM

I would be, and am happy when someone respects you enough to want a 2nd date. I am not a bore, I hope, and do present well. What I think happens though, some women, not all tend to not be totally honest and are indeed dating others at the same time, you are basically used as a yard stick up against the bad guy/ ar@%# they have also been dating. When you treat them nice you are seen as having no passion, or maybe you just aren't a match for them. Sure enough you will get the brush before too long as they have finally met the one. It is unfortunate that you are used as a step ladder to see over the fence. I will always give a girl the opportunity for a 2nd date, but I have never blanked someone as coldly and cruelly as I have been, and for what because they couldn't be bothered with dignity. What's wrong with a mutual lunch and agreement to move on, which is far more classy than a brush off text or email.
Sure there are stalkers and wierdos out there, but there are also some liars and dishonest people.

Posted by: Dates come and go, not my name at June 22, 2007 4:09 PM

Lipstick Princess

LOL Perhaps he is your ex husband. I've no way of knowing for sure.

Posted by: senee at June 21, 2007 4:04 PM

Firstly let me say that I am pretty new on this site and just spent a couple days reading the blogs. They are much better reading than the profiles.

I couldn't help but notice that most, if not all, people posting are without a partner.
Wouldn't this indicate that something in all the advice isn't right?

I keep reading about the perfect partner out there. I'm the first one to admit that I'm not perfect, and I am not looking for the perfect partner. Two perfect people don?t automatically make a perfect couple. A relationship is something that grows from the start and develops over time, it requires constant work or you end up like most of us. We all know better now due to experience and won't let that happen again. It's better to find someone that complements yourself then a perfect person. (As my ex said, I knew I was marrying Mister Right just didn't realise his middle name was Always.)

I agree that dislike for a person can be pretty obvious and be determined in the first 5 minutes of meeting someone.
If someone shows all scruffy they better have a good excuse like "just got hit by the bus and the ambo is here to keep the bag of blood up". Otherwise there is no excuse for not having any pride in how you present yourself to another person. Similar as showing-up late, having other dates after this one, getting drunk. To me that seems a lack of self-discipline and respect.

It seems that a lot of people try to hard to impress the other party, in this they spin their own web of destruction. How much easier would it be if everyone acted normal?

HelloRob1967

Posted by: HelloRob1967 at June 21, 2007 1:58 PM

Senee, i think that may have been my ex husband!

Posted by: Lipstick Princess at June 21, 2007 11:14 AM

I like a first date to be relaxed, fun, casual, pressure and expectation free, and probably alcohol free also so that you can trust your judgement. I think its best that the very first date be short with the view to a longer duration all things going well. It's always nice if the guy offers to pay, shows that he is generous and a gentleman and happy to meet you in a location convenient for you both.
You can definitely know for sure in the first meeting if there is zero potential, the second and third date may help to persuade the undecided and if there is real chemistry, then full steam ahead! ;-)

P.S. I don't think kissing on the first date is appropriate.

Posted by: LuLu at June 20, 2007 2:28 AM

Okay this wasnt actually an rsvp date but I'll tell the story nonetheless. I met a guy at a bar, nice, respectable, decent and good looking lad although he did take an entire month to get his act together and arrange a date with me. Anyway, we chatted for several hours on the phone so in this time I reconfirmed my first impression that he was a potential. This all soon changed when we met for our dinner date. He got so plasted that that couldnt speak straight, stand straight, he refused to pay for the bill and then got mildly aggressive with me when I said it was probably time for us to both go home (seperate homes that is). So Moral of the story, don't drink excessively and don't mix your drinks! He would have had a fine chance otherwise.
B

Posted by: exdater at June 20, 2007 2:18 AM

So you and Maggie share a habit? explains a lot... well if she is in the canteen I might be able to get away after choir practice...although I do remember the consequences of her telephoning my father the last time I skipped school...
without my hat....since he had already removed me from my high school to the convent he had his work cut out....

Posted by: patience at June 19, 2007 11:01 PM

Loving reading about your experiences, and felt compelled to share. My first date with this guy who seemed really nice went well. Second date also quite nice. Third date. The longest date of my life. Spent ten hours together and he spent eight hours telling me how he was gonna get revenge on his ex, her lawyer and how he couldn't wait to see her face when he gets full custody of his son. While I felt sorry for him and the fact that this has been going on for four and a half years, no matter what I did I couldn't get him off the topic. By the way, he said he can't stand people who are dishonest and yet he lied about his physical appearance. Since when is having a keg and not a six pack "carrying a few extra pounds"?

Posted by: senee at June 19, 2007 8:43 PM

Patience baby, It just so happens that Sister Margaret Mary and I are very close friends! I've got your shoes - and locked her up in the school canteen - see you at Ridgemont High this afternoon after Maths class! I can't wait - if only if I had patience!

Posted by: louie at June 19, 2007 7:35 AM

aliane, thank you but I can assure you that during the dates in question, it wasn't funny at all but hindsight is a wonderful thing. Looking back now I can see the errors I made, the lack of judgement I showed and the signs I missed. Those experiences have made me a better person I think and the stories are often a good ice breaker on a first date lol

Posted by: dingblue at June 18, 2007 6:30 PM

So they still play "Spin the Bottle" then Louie?

I was just on my way back here with a pen and paper when Sister Margaret Mary caught me and put me in detention,and she took my shoes so I can't escape to Ridgemont High any time soon....

Posted by: patience at June 18, 2007 2:16 PM

hey, riversong1, leave razzledazzle30 alone, thats what she felt meeting those guys, Yes I must admitted i met few nice guys but for long knowing him came out their real personality and not expected what have they said in the first place, their a lots of guys wanted for express motives then exit as much as possible. I have encountered few wanted to have quick suggestion ...then how can be trusted with this guys in the first place...are they looking for ideal partner as they clearly said in their profile. I didn't say all of them are players but few are decent one but more on can't be trusted in the first place, I think first meeting is enough for me to know if he right one...then i dont need to waste my time for second date became a disaster. I have been experience once i get away and run/hide as much as possible but keep sending me dirty emails and stalking me. well...this is all about internet dating you never know until you have experience in that situation as I am. thats the reason I am very cautious meeting guys...and lots of question via emails or phone calls. before dating take place. But I believed each of us has own unique approached either what kind of a person we are dealing but respect and politeness takes all in safe places than being conceited. that's how it looks and we deal about it. this millennium fast moving society and we lived in new era of technology so people views different from yesterday where our parents era old fashion ways. let's get with it and mind everyone business as the way they felt about it. I am not trying to against but be understandable. I wish razzledazzled30 will cross her dream-searched.
and for you riversong1 be glad you may find your seeking for and I know men and women are have own traumatic experience as we said seek far and wide then finally cross each line of none-boundaries.

Posted by: aliane at June 18, 2007 12:40 AM

Dingblue what a surprised experience to your dates, i was impressed keeping up those unexpected humorous date you get involved I keep on laughing until my bedtime it was so funny, don't worry take it as rainy/storm days experience somehow you find the perfect normal date come-up soon. cheers on you.

Posted by: aliane at June 17, 2007 11:30 PM

Patience, Are you volunteering to be part of the fast times at Ridgemont High?

If not, I am afraid that I can't give you the address - or else I would be forced to .... kiss you (RSVP style of course)! lol

Posted by: Louie at June 17, 2007 10:21 PM

louie....what is the exact address of this Rydgemont High?????

Posted by: patience at June 17, 2007 4:54 PM

You can definately tell a person from the first/second date.

I had a partner for 5 years. On the first day I met him I had to buy him drinks as he had no money. The second date his car got locked into a carpark and I had to lend him money to pay the fine to get his car out. The guy was unemployed for 95% of our relationship.

I just finished dating another guy and on the first date he walked straight past me and did not even see me. The 4.5 months we dated he never responded to texts/emails and never tried to get to know me. He failed the 20 question test - I had to ask him 20 questions before he even bothered to even ask me one!

Next time I will try make better choices and try to listen to that 'gut feeling'.

Posted by: DazzlingGreenEyes at June 16, 2007 2:10 PM

Hi everyone, I thought it was time that we heard more from some guys out there.

Firstly, sure there are guys out there that are just looking for some 'fun & fast times at Ridgemont High' type stuff.

However - the vast majority (I would hope) of us are definitely not looking for that. I moved to Sydney a year and a half ago - and sure just like many people - it takes time to meet people in Sydney - especially people from the opposite sex. So - in answer to your question - there are a lot of genuine guys out there!!! The question is this - there are so many of you women out there - that are looking for a hunk that is just oozing with sex appeal for some reason. It seems like quite a few Sydney women are very superficial - sure there are many guys are as well in this city. The reason why I say that is - I would consider that I am good-looking, not hot - but reasonably good-looking. It is amazing how many women that seem like the type of people that I could really relate to - don't even read my profile - take one look at the photo - decide that I am not Mr. Universe - and decide there is no point.

Of course - that is a person's prerogative. The only thing - if you are really not down-to-earth and are seriously superficial - there is no point saying that you are down-to-earth. I am sure that 99% of people on this site are 'down-to-earth'!! In addition - we are all extremely humorous, well-travelled, of slim or athletic build, love independent films, love a nice restaurant & extremely intelligent. lol.

Boy - I wish that everyone that I met was like that - lol!! I am sure you get my drift. Nothing wrong with selling yourself - thats cool - but why bother making up something about yourself if it isn't true. If I was overweight and 5 foot nothing - I might as well put that - so that there are no problems later. ie. honesty is the best policy.

Another thing, if you are not interested - don't write and say that you are looking forward to my/an email - because I don't really like wasting money just for the hell of it - if you get my drift. Just be polite - is the best policy.

Haven't been on that many dates - as have just taken slow - but am sure that I will meet a number of interesting women. Whatever happens, happens!! There is no point rushing anything in these things. If it is meant to be - it is meant to be. Putting pressure on these types of things never helps!!

Thats all for me - all the best of luck to you all!!!

Cheers,
Louis

Posted by: louie at June 15, 2007 10:03 PM

Malsie...sorry to dissappoint you, there is no drama, no Days of our Lives more like Men Behaving Badly.

Posted by: loginnessuck at June 15, 2007 9:30 PM

Hey Razzledazzle30, jumping into bed with a man on the first or second date is NOT going to make him like you! More likely just just drag you into the frog pond too!!

I agree, there are a lot of guys in here just looking for "stress free" "fun times". But SURELY there must be some nice ones somewhere as well???

Posted by: Riversong1 at June 15, 2007 1:12 PM

Naiad 18(men,don't listen) one of my favourite things to do at the start of a first date is to say "Have you checked your phone is on? What time will your friend be calling for the emergency at home/work?"
Always gets a good response and usually breaks the ice!

dingblue,,,PTDS with Gstring induced flashbacks
(Post Traumatic Date Stress)
My mind is now working overtime on possible reasons for her behaviour....
the Cosmo sealed section "Drive a man wild so he never leaves you(using only a gstring and a smile)" is a possibility along with those "How to snare a man(and keep him trapped forever)in 10 easy steps" ...as seen on Oprah...endorsed by Dr Phil and his wife...self help books are likely....I think she jumped a few ,,,,

Perhaps her ultimate fantasy is the Ice Queen lady in public/ red hot Momma in private????

Or maybe she is a lady in fear of her age and weight and attractiveness who has stressed for ages about meeting a new man and she just thought"What the hell, let's get everything out in the open!"And she did.
I am sure there are more reasons....

Quite alright to look at my profile dingblue..

yes, that's right.... ..Mistress Patience ...Mrs of none....

What happened to the days when you had to hold a pink carnation to meet a blind date????

Posted by: patience at June 14, 2007 6:53 PM

I have been very disappointed on RSVP up to date. it seems all the guys want the woman to contact them. I know that if I contact them i should email them but I've had so many rude guys who never respond to an email that I see it as a waste of money. I will always respond even if it was no thanks......I'm at the end of the road I'm afraid and I think I may have hit a brick wall!!!!!! Most guys that do contact me want to have sex on the first or second date..If I won't they move on....Why should a 30 year old attractive woman resort to jumping into bed to make a man like her, unfortunately I'm finding there aren't many prince charmings on here but many frogs.........

Posted by: razzledazzle30 at June 13, 2007 10:29 PM

Wow, I have been noticed by that Mistress of the Blog - Patience lol

Please don't think I have only had horror dates, I have been fortunate to meet some lovely ladies via RSVP and had some wonderful dates and I still count some of these ladies as my closest friends. Unfortunately as I have related, I have seen the reverse of the coin as well.

Just to expand a bit on the last two horror dates I mentioned...

The 'g-string' lady really caught me by surprise for more than the obvious reasons. In the lead up to the date she was very very much the puritan, when I sent her a slightly risque joke (it mentioned boobs lol), I got a very stern e-mail back that she didn't appreciate THAT type of humour. As to the sight that greeted me when she opened the door, I still have mental flashbacks of the episode (shudder), does anyone have a wire brush so I can scrub myself clean lol

Now for the movie date. Boy was I green in those days. Apart from the sudden shock conclusion to the 'date', I think the worse part was waiting for the 'lady in the red jacket'. There I was, standing there like a complete berk, literally staring an any woman of the right approximate age wearing jeans and a red jacket. And remember, it seemed to be red jacket day. It is a wonder I was not arrested by security of loitering with intent to date!

P.S. Patience, I do apologise but I did peek at your profile, lucky for you i am in Sydney lol

Posted by: dingblue at June 13, 2007 6:05 PM

tlc67 thanks! regarding looking at the parents in modern times I also have to add extreme makeovers and plastic surgery!!!
I think you are right about being faithful in a relationship through good and bad...it does bring a lot of satisfaction as time goes on.

tugunkenny..neither by name or nature ...

sparklingfun07 I agree with you..not very likely to remain friends. I never continue in that way. I did meet a guy though who has many of his old girlfriends as friends. They all meet socially...no thansk!

cookbrekkyfortwo...do you still like her profile? Then what harm can it do to hear what she has to say. Maybe she has moved closer to you or maybe she likes your new profile or maybe she accidentally pressed the wrong response last time!100 reeasons!

dingblue..the crown is yours, your date or non date is the winner in several categories...comedy horror arthouse porno mystery and drama...and with a chase scene at the end! So funny!
The lady in the g string...
I am wondering if she had not long ago read the 'sealed section' of a well known womens magazine....they often contain advice on being a seductress or temptress using these methods!! Boy did that backfire....
First date though..have to wonder.....
Your internet date has me rolling around laughing... especially the bit where you handed over the tickets.. I think these two have a good racket going...they probably do it all the time and see as many free movies as they want!
That is so funny...did you then wonder if you dreamt the whole thing? It is so weird when things like that happen. While I have no objection to people doing anything they want sexually, I do object to them springing it on the unsuspecting.
I think you have to change rule No 5 to Expect the unexpected!!

Posted by: patience at June 13, 2007 12:34 AM

cookbrekkyfor2, what do YOU want to do about the woman who's contacted you but who previously reckoned you had nothing in common? If you're still interested, is it only pride holding you back from responding favourably? If you're no longer interested, well, best to forget it - only you know! Let us know how you go - you know we're all going to be wondering... just as I'm thinking the plot gets thicker and thicker with Suzie and loginnamessuck - better than Days of our Lives! (although that wouldn't be hard, it must be said).

Posted by: Malsie at June 12, 2007 9:53 PM

Love all your first date stories .. Ive had some beautys. One guy had it set up for a phonecall 30 mins after we met(I've even done that as a safety mechanism with a girlfriend). If he'd have kept it simple.. or just said .. thanks for meeting me but I'm sorry I have to go now ... I'd have been OK with that. Instead he went into some big elaborate spiel about his mate dieing and him having to meet the mate's daughter at Airport and deliver the sad news and get her to the (dieing)mates bedside before he takes his last gasp ... he went on and on. If that man was not writing a book ... he should have been.
I also had one date with a man who could not look me in the face and kept resolutely looking above my head or over my shoulder. I'm sure I was not displaying a startlingly low cleavage so it cant have been that spooking him. I knew he would not be back and I was no doubt as relieved as he was to end the meeting .. despite having got on quite well via email and on the phone. I also emailed one guy for several weeks and then had one phone call where we got on well and decided to meet at a nice neutral location. We got on really well face to face too and nattered on thru lunch and coffee after which .. a brief peck on the cheek and "farewell .. I'll call you!" Well I was barely home when I got an email from him saying .. "No sorry .. bye bye ... no chemistry!" I asked him to please explain what he meant by Chemistry .. and funnily enough he still emails me to this day and we have a wonderful email relationship. However he admits he will probably never date again .. he is happy just he and his little dog .. and he is no longer on RSVP or any other dating site that I know of. Never would have believed I was so scarey :(

Posted by: Naiad18 at June 12, 2007 6:45 PM

This is some very interesting reading, but I do need to express the male perspective here - not all of us are phone sex, lying deviants lol

Very early on I made MYSELF some rules that seemed to have worked:

1. Never agree to suggest a date until at least a phone call first.

2. If the lady one has one picture up and it is one of those studio glamour ones, politely ask for another. Sometimes the variance is great!

3. For the all important first meeting, let her select the venue and the time and make sure she is getting there herself. That way she is comfortable in her surroundings and there is not awkward drive home after a bad date.

4. Keep the first date brief, no movie, not long dinner, it is an introduction only. If things do work out, then the date can be expanded.

5. Most important - don't expect anything (lol).

I must be different to most, I can tell how the first date is going within the first 5 minutes. If she runs when she sees me (or just doesn't turn up), then it is a bad date. If I have to think up something to keep the conversation going, then it is a bad date lol

I have had some truely bad first dates. One woman was drunk before we met, I had to carry her out of the venue and then unfortunately drive her home (she was in no condition to drive and no taxi's were around). Got to her place and she introduced me to her neighbour as this is the guy I am going to F... tonight - I left straight away.

Another date, the woman turned up looking as though she picked up whatever clothes were lying around, nothing ironed, nothing matched. Gave her the benefit of doubt and arranged a second date, she was even more unappropriately dressed!

Worst by far was the 'lady' who after telling me over and over again what a lady she was and how disgusting all men are that just want sex etc etc, met me (yes I broke a rule - silly me lol) at her door in just a g string. Funny I never knew they made them so large (she lied about that as well, slim is NOT size 18 in anyone's books). Not only was she dressed as such, but covered with tattoes, something I don't like and had mentioned, and had bits of metal where metal isn't normally located. It was only the second time I ran from a date!

The first time I 'ran' from a date was my first internet date. No pic (prior to the formation of my rules lol), we agreed to meet for a movie. She had described herself as slim, younger than me with blonde hair and she would be wearing jeans and a red jacket. Well there I stood outside the cinema, tickets in hand. Unfortunately for me it was red jacket day and it seemed every second woman had one. Eventually a woman in a red jacket walked up to me and yes it was the 'lady'. Well she was definitely not slim, nor younger and had more grey hair than me. To top it off, she had brought her husband along, thought the three of us could have some fun after the movie. As politely as I could, I handed them the tickets and took off like a startled rabbit. I was a tad gunshy after that for quite a while lol

Posted by: dingblue at June 12, 2007 3:10 PM

This is an interesting that happened to me re this blog title.

11 months ago I sent a kiss to someone and got the does not match profile response...( Now thats a good thing..right...honesty??????)

Last week got a kiss from the same person saying that she thinks we could really hit it off, with a photo password.

Now i am a MERE MALE ( (that can cook btw ) lol, but i am now seriously confused. Question; should i reply with a. the same response, b.waiting for her email c.wonders if she read my profile or d. no response?

Posted by: cookbrekkyfor2 at June 12, 2007 2:09 PM

I think this site should be renamed Fifty First dates?What does everyone think?
Seems rarely anyone gets a second date.And this "real world"thingo.We might all be using this median for dating but it doesn't mean we aren't real people.
And this just be friends line that men and women use is BS we should just say It was nice meeting you but i'm sorry your not what i'm looking for.And also friends keep in contact and no male that has said that too me has so yet another lie.
But all in all i like reading these bloggs and seeing other people are having the same crap thrown at them too.Is this site is full of bs artists and commitment phobs?
Cheers.

Posted by: sparklingfun07 at June 12, 2007 12:47 PM

OH patience...is that patience by name or patient by nature?
Either way you show great insight and write interesting and logical blogs .Keep up the good work.

Posted by: TUGUNKENNY at June 12, 2007 12:07 PM

Patience, just wanted to say thankyou, I return to the blogs regularly just to read your comments.

I am not sure why men would make a date they cant keep (well perhaps once if they need breathing space), players would probably carry on with the date just make sure that they have scheduled the dates too allow for multiple opportunities (and multiple pain for those being played, have a few 'friends' like that)
Years ago looking at a persons parents might have been a great idea, but in todays environment, do you look at their natural parentage, their extended parentage or ..... the nuture side of development no longer only holds true to those who are biologically (yes I know this is normally the nature side of it, but referring more to those who might spend a few years during the earliest formative years) closest, it can extend to many factors, who have the various partners been and at what growth stages, etc.
My middle son is a player, but he does not reflect me when he is playing he reflects what he saw during his relationship growth. He is now slowly learning that playing kicks you in the rear big time, being faithful too one has the draw back of times of lonliness but they return many fold in ways of being in a fulfilling relationship that cant be compared.

Posted by: tlc67 at June 12, 2007 11:36 AM

Lolitaesque...lust , falling in love, limerance, temporary insanity...whatever you call it, it is a great feeling and the best impetus I know for wanting to meet up again and again long enough to get to know the real person and begin to share a history together.

Jennifer87 you are a very wise woman. Your last line sounded a bit wistful and resigned though.....
I hope that you have a great time dating and enjoying yourself until you find the random you want to keep forever and then the majority of your life won't be nearly long enough...

TheLipstick Princess..
Oh! What a feeling! snort!
Unfortunately I see characteristics of FIL and ex-H emerging in my son....there is no escape....

Posted by: patience at June 11, 2007 9:13 PM

Yes patience. i do agree. trouble is, i didnt start looking at the ex father in law until i was already married! glad i dont have to look at either of them now!

Posted by: The Lipstick princess at June 11, 2007 8:27 PM

This may seem like old news however I feel its time to clear the air. I am the low life who lied to Suzie, a mistake I will always regret. Suzie as already discussed is an amazing, vibrant woman who deserves to be loved not lied to. My insecurities and self esteem issues don't cut it as an excuse for what I did. NOW lets get the facts straight, YES I have left my wife, YES I do not intend on returning to her, YESI am living on my own in my own place. NO there is no chance of me returning to her. I left her not the other way around.

Posted by: loginnamessuck at June 11, 2007 7:55 PM

TishB...that was only a possibility. Don't feel bad. For all I know that could have just been his 'line' to get you feeling sorry for him.Either way on a second date you are not to be used for solving his problems.

Sparklingfun07 ..I had a similar experience..wonder if it was the same guy???
Had a great first date and before it ended he made arrangements for the second. He had just started a new business. The next day an email arrives asking to postpone the date for a few days and he is too busy. OKay. On the day of the next date another email to postpone. I sent an email(less confronting) and told him it was okay if he had changd his mind just let me know. Answer comes back definitely not and a new date made. Again, another cancellation on the day. I emailed and said no more.
A few weeks later another email. I agreed to another date but again a cancellation. Told him to stop playing games and ended the contact.I think I am easygoing and flexible, but there came a point when this crossed the line to being unacceptable. If he was truly interested and more importantly truly had some respect for me he would not have kept cancelling.These days I don't tolerate being a door matting and sitting around waiting until some guy is ready!

Dayan sorry things didn't turn out. I think the first impression is usually the right one in all cases. Call it intuition or whatever but we all have that little inner voice telling us what is right and you already knew this wasn't.
It still hurts and is disappointing.

Puzzled I read somewhere that sometimes men make dates they have no intention of keeping because they don't know what to say otherwise!
I also think there are people here who are scared of committing for several reasons. This applies to committing to a second date or a relationship! You might have met a 'player' they are the ones who will keep women(or men) in reserve in case they don't have a better offer.

Marti...yep, I think I was the straw! I remember my husbands mother telling him that too!
In these days of equal oportunity I have told my daughter that it is a very good idea to have a long close look at the Fathers and see if she can stand them!!! Much as we all try to deny it eventually we all turn into our parents...

Posted by: patience at June 11, 2007 6:14 PM

Well, I guess I'm in the middle somewhere, as I feel one date is all it takes to see if I like someone enough to be more than friends.

I have tried, on occasions, to force myself to feel more about them than I do initially,
but I can't and tell them regretfully, that we should just be friends, and therefore have no further contact.

I don't believe people get better with time. You have feelings about people straight away, that can't be ignored, and if you don't feel it, it shouldn't be forced.

Posted by: Claretjewel at June 11, 2007 5:55 PM

Firstly first dates are really nerve-racking to say the least. I think you really need to go into them with an open mind and minimal expectations as possible. So don�t go on a date with someone and bring your list of ideal partner traits and attempt to tick them all off by the end of the night. I guess what has always worked for me, is go on the date, do your best to have a good time and really focus on how u feel around the person. Rather than wondering if he is financially stable to be a great husband, look after your future kids AND wonder if your parents will like him �. you should be asking yourself if you feel comfortable around him, does he make you laugh, does thinking of him bring good or bad things to mind and basically listen to your intuition (girls way of saying it) gut feeling (guys way of saying it). From past experiences these gut feelings are never wrong if u know how to listen to it properly.

I think that going on a couple of dates with them is enough to know if your comfortable with going on more dates with them or seeing them more regularly. Plus dating should be fun anyway, we get to meet a whole bunch of randoms, who all have something unique and individual about them. You might as well, since you going to be spending the majority of your life with one person.

cheers

Posted by: jennifer87 at June 11, 2007 3:14 PM

Of course it takes more than three dates for couples to 'click.' Otherwise it's merely about psychological projection, from both parties, no? Of course I'm going to project my own thoughts, motivations, desires, and feelings onto you if I don't know you and have a) only seen your photo, b) only read between the lines, or c) heard what I wanted to on the telephone. When couples 'click' on the first date, I do believe it's merely an intense desire or craving for self gratification...also known as 'lust.'

Posted by: lolitaesque at June 11, 2007 12:15 PM

Patience,

You should know how young men think. If you want to see how your girlfriend is going to turn out, look at her mother!

Could have been the straw that broke the camel's back.. Loved the story though..a classic ;o)

Posted by: Marti at June 10, 2007 4:24 PM

I had a very successful first date with a lovely man who followed up with enthusiasm the next three consecutive days for a second date. On the fourth day he sent a sms: "second thoughts, we are not ideally matched, good luck." He is still on here every day looking. (I keep sneaking a peak!) I don't think he has heard of the "Three Dates" Philosophy!

Posted by: Puzzled at June 10, 2007 12:22 PM

Oh Dayan I am so sorry...I read your blogs and I was hoping that it was all going to turn out and you would come back and say there was going to be many many more dates and you would all invite us to your wedding next year ;-) I know it will hurt for awhile but as you said your a 'confident SOB' so it will all be ok in time!!

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at June 9, 2007 9:54 PM

Hey Dayan, nice story.
even nicer u shared it. and to my other fellow bloggers, i say if you roll the dice enough times, eventually you will get a six!

Posted by: The Lipstick princess at June 9, 2007 7:44 PM

And so it appears that after 3 months and 10 dates the first impression was indeed the correct one.
There will be no 11th.

Posted by: dayan at June 9, 2007 3:02 PM

Met a guy on here last yere, he kissed me, emailed me, set up a coffee date. Had the date, turns out he still lived with his ex due to financial constraints, did nothing but complain about her and their situation etc etc.
His profile now says that he can't stand dishonesty, people with baggage, time wasters and so on. Jerk or what???

Posted by: raindrop5 at June 8, 2007 9:17 PM

Well it seems the married guy has decided to put his profile on rsvp, and he says he is separated too by the way...I so wish i could put his nickname in here because the creep has been stalking me and won't leave me alone... I am so angry he has done this, now I feel like I have no alternative but to delete my profile... :-(

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at June 8, 2007 8:53 PM

Patience, are you a psychologist in your spare time? I felt very bad after reading your comment, because I know you're so right! The poor man was staring possible involuntary celibacy in the face and I didn't even see it. Apologies *****, not that I think he reads the blogs, but at least my conscience is appeased. I will try to be a much more compassionate person in the future, and thanks for your insight, Patience!

Posted by: TishB at June 8, 2007 7:54 PM

I met a very nice man of here.Our first date was wonderful,and he called me on the phone several times a week,we could talk so freely and got on so well,only for him to say 6 weeks down the track without a second date,my new business is picking up and i really haven't the time for a relationship now.Beats me why some men even come on this site,he would've known this was going to happen?Oh well his loss.

Posted by: sparlkingfun07 at June 8, 2007 5:57 PM

actually I think tomorrow might be date 10

Posted by: dayan at June 8, 2007 5:24 PM

I’ve probably missed the boat with this blog, I’ve been following it from the start but only now feel it’s the time for this little read.
On the 3rd of March I sent a “kiss”. Received a positive response almost immediately (in itself a surprise). A couple of crisp emails emails and 3 weeks later we met for a drink. My first impression was “Hmm cute. Don’t think I’m her type.” I was surprised when given the opportunity to run “It’s getting cold out here.” she suggested we move inside and continue. An hour later we were headed off for dinner, at her suggestion (I was very surprised but agreed). All in all it was quite a good date and agreed to meet up for dinner the following week.
Now the second date was excellent, and I left really looking forward to seeing her again. She was off on holidays for 3weeks so it was going to be a long wait. We sent texts and spoke a couple of times and she came home a few days early so as to squeeze in another date before returning to work.
Date 3 started well with a bike ride around a lake and a light lunch. Then she went cold, personal zone expanded and I knew not to enter. Not sure what happened (turned out she was sick). A couple of texts and calls and we were off on date 4. Anzac Day. A drink at a pub. Again started well. Body language was good, conversation was flowing, then FLASH BANG. She’s going home. Total time about 40mins.
Driving home I thought “What the hell was that about? Stuff it I’m going to call and find out.”
Made the call when I got home. She says “I think I would prefer to be just friends.” “OK I can do that” I reply, thinking she’s taking the easy way out and I’ll never see her again. Another couple of weeks go by, see she’s been online a few times, then a text. “Cuppa and a chat. As friends.”
“Sure.” Says me, thinking “She’s just checking in to make sure she’s not the bad person here.”
Cuppa and chat are easy. (date 5)She leaves mission accomplished. I expect never to hear from her again.
Well, dates 6, 7 & 8 have been outstanding. Date 9 is tomorrow and date 10 is booked for Monday. Then I guess I’ll stop counting.
The thing is, I’m still not sure I’m what she’s looking for. And I’m a confident SOB.

Posted by: dayan at June 8, 2007 5:05 PM

Patience u Sound hysterical (not in the mad sense lol:)) I wish I could write with such a sense of humour.

I never worried about briefs compared to boxers as I always figured that I prefer comfort and support, and by the time someone gets to know what I wear, I hope they wont be interested in what I'm wearing:)

women are strange people, Went out with a woman who I met whilst dancing, she and I seemed t get on really well and we chatted till the early hours of the morning. Went on a second date and we were dancing the night away and getting VERY close but thought I would be the gentleman and not ask her home. Next day I get a call saying thanks for last night but I dont want to see you again. Hmmmm am I too much of a gentleman have the rules of dating changed so much that it is expected on a second date what the hell are the current rules on dating etc? Perhaps a blog on rules and procedures relating to dating and what different people expect or is there a blog on this already?

Posted by: tlc67 at June 8, 2007 4:44 PM

Does being unlucky in love run in families??
This story involves a daughter, a new boyfriend and a cat and a roll of kitchen paper....
Ms Patience has a daughter 'the lovely Lynsey' and a very spoilt cat 'Kevin"(they promised they would look after the cat if I let them keep him....9 years later I am his slave and personal assistant)

So Lynsey had met a new boyfriend"definitely the love of her life" "the one she wanted to marry" "the one who was so cool" "the one she had been waiting in line for to snare at the earliest opportunity"
They went on a date--all good"I am in love" cries Lynsey...then another date...all good.
Then one early evening just as it was getting dark, Kevin leaves the house to patrol his territory one last time.
Next thing Ms Patience hears a terrible racket outside and realises it must be Kevin fighting with the new cat who has just moved in. She races to the front door only to see Lynsey walking towards her carrying a writhing , hissing and furious cat with a look of total outrage on its face.
Patience notices Lynsey is holding the cat away from her but thinks it is because he is struggling to get back into the fight.
Lynsey gets Kevin inside the door where he leaps away and starts running round on the new carpet. Lynsey then says"Stop him! I was coming up the path and saw him minding his own business and trying to go to the toilet when the new cat leapt out of the bushes and onto him. They both did a good job of rolling in cat poo!
Patience lets out a shriek and thinking of the new carpet tackles Kevin to the ground and holds him in a headlock while Lynsey gets the roll of toilet paper and gloves to try to clean him up,
Lynsey throws the paper and gloves in the general direction of Patience as her delicate hands can not possibly do such work.(and she says"You let us keep him, it is your responsibility")
Patience starts to clean the cat enough to be able to move him elsewhere without more damage.(not pleasant but someone had to do it) A little pile of cat poo paper is littering the floor and is leaving a trail as Kevin tries to get away and moves a little each time.
Patience is on hands and knees, has a pooey cat in a headlock and is surrounded by toilet paper, when suddenly she hears a voice from the still oopen door"Hello?"
She hears a gasp of horror from Lynsey and then next thing "This is "X" "X" this is my Mum" So Patience calmly looks up and says "Oh Hello X, nice to meet you. Come in I am just doing some cleaning up. Would you care to stay for dinner?"
The look of horror disgust and confusion was priceless as he took in the scene. No explanation was offered as to why I was cat wrestling and the house smelled so bad....

And Lynsey never saw him again......

The moral of the story is that sometimes bad second impressions may not be the your fault at all.....

Posted by: patience at June 8, 2007 3:06 PM

I agree Patience, I love a man in those snug boxers...or even loose ones...but NOT silk boxers..only cotton...also commando is good ;-)

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at June 8, 2007 2:55 PM

Underwear...the good the bad and the ugly...another blog topic?
I really, really, really hate men in speedo's..aka "nylon disgustings"
I know there are also female speedo's and they are also horrible...but the men's version is such a turn off...errrrgggghhhhhh!

Posted by: patience at June 8, 2007 2:18 PM

You know I sat thinking about how I would talk about my underwear drawer with someone... and seriously I have not much to say...I wear black undies and boxers...black bra.. sometimes a white sports bra.... my black socks are always odd... my stockings are always tangled up and I can never seem to fit everything in that I want to. I have bright coloured bed socks as I get cold feet in winter, and their odd too. My drawer is slightly boring... hmmm I should do something bout
that!! ;-)

p.s I bet that doesn't help me get any kisses hahaha

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at June 7, 2007 7:38 PM

p.s. lol talking about my underwear draw.... I am an old fashioned briefs man, thankfully not the y fronts, but that is about as far as it can go, the females always seem to have such a better selection to discuss compared to us poor males:)

Posted by: tlc67 at June 7, 2007 3:23 PM

suppose I am in a good position in 1 sense as talking is my mask for my shyness, used to have to present to up to 500 people and my jaw would lock up I couldnt read the notes as they were shaking too much (just thinking about it stresses me out:)) but I had to learn to cope. So she was probably right about not shutting up:) lol
reason why I suppose I only have the energy for 1 relationship at a time, takes way too much nerve to try and summon up the strength for a first date, second is always easier as at least you know them.
(p.s. only my closest friends know how shy I am:))

Posted by: tlc67 at June 7, 2007 12:03 PM

TishB I think you found yourself with a man on the verge of panic about his future. If you liked him give him another chance!
Hope his result is all good.
Isn't it funny how the dating problems change for different ages?

sneakgirl that is so disappointing. Hope you are better now. Don't give up though, there are nice men out there who will also make an effort when meeting you.
tlc that woman you had the misfortune to meet was definitely not lovely! The wine is no excuse ,although it does depend on how she said it. Could she have been joking with you?
Finding someone with whom you can have a comfortable silence is the best thing....if you do hang onto them! As a "recovering shy person" I have learnt to think of a few things to talk about prior to the date in case conversation is a bit stilted. Bring them out if necessary...because there is no way you can think of anything to say if you get into that panicky stage of awkwardness. For instance you can easily remember what is in your underwear drawer.........I know that's a popular topic that can keep you talking for months.....

Might stop overcompensating with rambling! It's good to know that guys get just as nervous going on first dates!

Posted by: patience at June 6, 2007 10:47 PM

I think there are no formulas with this one. You need to give someone a fair chance to get to know them, but at the same time, it's not fair to lead them on if you know it's not right.

What I do know, is that one date is NOT enough - the "chemistry" thing is overrated - yes you can feel lust, infatuation, and strong attraction on the first date, but seeds take time to grow.
Sometimes love MIGHT grow from that first attraction, but just as often, it might easily not.

Love is not something you FIND (noun) it's something you DO (verb), that takes effort and time with someone you choose to care for.

Posted by: Riversong1 at June 6, 2007 10:40 PM

Well I have LOL'd and even PMSL (not literally please) with some of the 'encounters' Still have tears dripping down my face from sneakgrl and patience's 'friendly....encounters' On the other hand I am embarrassed to the core through the actions of fellow males. Maybe I am too old fashioned but do males really think that ladies will go for that sort of behaviour?
I know I am too nice, been told that way too many times by women I have dated, LADIES appear to appreciate it, so I will continue. Have had my dangerous period and simply seek to unwind, am shy so adjust by hating long quiet lulls when entertaining and so perhaps this might account for my little story.

Took a lovely woman out on a date, discovered it was her birthday so maybe went a little overboard for a first date and took her to a nice restaurant, she was quiet so I tried to keep the flow of conversation going, she drank 2 bottles of wine over the course of the evening so perhaps might excuse her for her comment, but to hear from someone "don't you ever shutup" was perhaps a little more than expected so on that date it was a 1 and only, she did try to call a couple of times and we even went out on a second date but those words wouldn't stop ringing in my ears. Sometimes 1 date is enough

Hotcocoa15 I wish I was a lot closer to Sydney at present, loved your profile and has really made me think about rewriting mine, again!

Posted by: tlc67 at June 6, 2007 11:46 AM

I've been on a couple of first dates - been nervous as hell and I'm sure that would have shown through, although that's not usually me.

You'd think getting to know someone quite well by email and phone first before meeting would make it easier, but from my experience, if anything it puts more expectations on that first meeting because you've had so much time to think about it before you actually see each other.

It takes more than one meeting I think to really get excited about someone, but at the same time, I reckon you have to be quite interested in the first place to meet if you've gotten to know someone on this site in ther first place.

Posted by: Andrew at June 5, 2007 11:16 PM

I've only just gone out on my first rsvp date and I must say, I'm not sure if I can do it again!
He was very handsome, we emailed back and forth a few times, he sounded like someone I could connect with, we then went on to msn and had a few 'chats' that lasted about 2 hrs... I was really getting my hopes up. He seemed funny, sweet, we shared some interests and he was in a place in his life that I want my future partner to be in.... or so I thought!
We arranged to meet at 1pm in a public food court (warning sign number 1, if he didn't like me he could run away!!!). I turn up at 1pm, looking pretty damn good if I do say so myself! He's not there at 10 past so I send him a polite text to ask if he's there (I may have missed him in the crowd)... Phone call straight back, I'm sorry, give me 15 minutes i'm on the way. anyway 30 minutes later he turns up, wearing a TRACKSUIT and SNEAKERS... How overdressed was I??? I was uninterested straight away, if you are after a relationship, why on earth would you be half an hour late and make NO effort whatsoever?! We then went to get a quick bite, there was NOTHING there, nothing, no chemistry whatsoever. I stupidly agreed to go for a coffee after eating and I then found out he was late as he'd gone out and gotten pissed the night before and was actually asleep when I text messaged him. He figured that all his other dates had been late so I would be as well (good one, trying to blame another woman for his lateness! I am not dumb enough to believe this BS!!!). Ummm I dare say the hair gel in his hair was from the night before, he would NOT have showered and the tracksuit was probably laying on the floor beside his bed when I so rudely woke him up....
Obviously this man was telling me what I wanted to hear, but the truth came out loud and clear in this 'date'.
BTW I got diarrhea from the food I ate... which to me summed up the whole date LOL

Posted by: sneakgrl at June 5, 2007 9:13 PM

Suzie, so glad to hear you sounding so perky! You go, girl, and knock 'em dead! (ummm, not literally).

Glad also, Mystic, you finally met a man who can communicate without phone sex! He may not be "the one", but things are improving, eh?

Posted by: Malsie at June 5, 2007 9:07 PM

I feel a little disloyal relating this story but it did make me laugh (but not lol, just tm (to myself)) Like that? If I'd been impolite I could have rofl (rolled on floor laughing)...but anyway, I digress. 2nd date, the first was just a brief meeting for coffee, but this one was a lovely picnic. I ended up perched on about 4 cm of the picnic blanket while more and more of my territory was encroached upon. Pointed out the fact that maybe he was moving in for the kill a little too quickly, and he being a gentleman backed off. However, the next comment really floored me "I'm going into hospital for a prostrate (yes, the extra "r" was in there) biopsy tomorrow, so if you want a bit of sex it'll have to be today". I declined, strangely enough! He did add "I probably shouldn't have said that" so I guess it's OK. Or is it??

Posted by: TishB at June 5, 2007 7:30 PM

I do belive in meeting someone a couple of times before making a decision on whether they are right for me, there are so many factors such as first date nerves that get in the way at the best of times! I think you have to go on a date or two with an open mind before you judge :-)

Posted by: Takes2TwoTango at June 5, 2007 11:16 AM

mystic83 sounds like you had a wonderful time...so happy for you and as you say you have gained a friend and that is always a good thing...its good to see that there are really nice guys out there...including some of the lovely male bloggers on here!! ;-)

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at June 5, 2007 8:55 AM

I had a fantastic weekend!! (Shigui,Bob51,Malsie) Cut a long story short..met him on Rsvp on thursday... So i took a chance (he never ever asked for phone sex) and met up with this guy this weekend.. He is about 13 yrs older than me..I was nervous but soon got really comfortable. We had dinner..drinks after and took a drive around the city..then he drove me to my car and opened the door and waited for me to drive off... He was the perfect gentleman.
Unfortunately for us, we want different things in life..we're going to stay in contact...and atleast i can say i have gained a friend :)

ps. did i mentioned he showed up with flowers... awwwwww cute :)

Keep Hope Alive!!!

Posted by: mystic83 at June 4, 2007 9:06 PM

I can understand why some people can shy away after the first meeting. Some people can come across as to much like what we want. Which can be an act. Or be nothing like they say or look like.

I have experianced the "try to be what I think they want" before myself. When you least expect it, they go back to what they really are. You can't hide from yourself as they say.

But Patience it sounds like you have had so many problems. Hope you can learn from them, especially how to read people. I have been going through this myself as of late. Deceptive people are hard to pick out, in the end they get what they deserve and never are really happy in the end.

But on the other hand you can't give up trying to trust, or you will just live in loneliness.

I just know that there are more good people out there then bad, it's just hard to get past the bad one's. It just takes time to find the good one's that's all. And finding them in the first meeting is hard as most people are nervous and trying to figure out what to say. I know I am when I first meet some one. Sort of what do I say. How might I come accross, can I be open enough to talk. Too much to think about but it is what most people go through.

That's my 2 cent's worth for now.

Posted by: Cyclerider at June 4, 2007 7:29 PM

You people have to be the nicest bunch of bloggers I have ever had the pleasure to blog with!. I am happy to say he has not contacted me again after my email to him...it was firm and straightforward and I didn't use any expletives. Mind you I did when he told me..and you know the funny thing? I apologised to him for swearing!! Good church girl I am..trying to be....And everyone call me Suzie, cause that is my name..as if you may have guessed!! I think this is a lovely little blogging family. Theres mummy and daddy Patience and Lurker...hehe.. young parents..with a big brood of unruly teenagers...
The perfect unperfect Aussie family...

Oh and thankyou for all the chocolate offers...I can see myself being happy for the next oh um .....um...couple of hours...hehe ;-)

But don't despair girls the married man is not on rsvp, I met him on another site...if he had of been on here I would have found a very subtle way of announcing him to all and sundry!! Married men do not belong on dating sites..under ANY circumstances ...as far as I am concerned.

Mr Editor can we pleaseeeeee have a chat room.....pleaseeeeeee
I will give you my chocolate?............um actually ...let me think about that one! ;-)

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at June 4, 2007 7:17 PM

Seraphsuzie, it is such a disappointment when things don't go as planned. Very sorry.

Thanks Charismatic 83 and Gratitude Girl for your comments. I wish you both good luck too.

justaguy4... I entered his apartment by my own free will,(and I would say be careful with the idea that doing so implies consent for something futher. I don't think the law would see it that way) I knew the implications. I am sure the truth was erect as you say and no small matter, however,my reason for leaving was not because I was upset and shocked by his sexual leanings just because they are not mine, but more by his change in behaviour, his list of unusual sexual penchants and the fact that I had been led to believe he was something different. (The angelic Vicars son.)There was one thing I left out earlier... it registered slowly that the apartment which he took me into was not homely at all. It contained lots of boxes stacked around. and I could see the kitchen was bare. as well as it's owner.....more like an office. That was where the danger could have been...I could have walked into anything and no one would have known where I was.
He did nothing wrong really, except fail to be upfront(so to speak) in the first place. I was the stupid one.
It was very strange and quick and when I got back in my car I had to ask myself "Did that just happen or am I dreaming?"

Posted by: patience at June 4, 2007 3:41 PM

I also agree with one of the letters, that there is such a huge selection to choose from and people when they want to get out there and date they get in this mode of thinking that because they are behind a desk typing on computer, they can do and be as they choose - hence the various stupid behaviours/manners.
There is some form of power they get when there is "choice". Hence they go from one to another till they think they find this "partner".
People just have to be civil/human beings with manners while trying to find this "partner".
What goes around...comes around.

Posted by: monday11 at June 4, 2007 2:42 PM

Glad to hear you're getting yourself together again, SeraphSuzie.

This is turning into a right regular little internet "family", isn't it? We laugh together, cry together, exclaim in horror together, etc... very nice to know there's support around when required!

Posted by: Malsie at June 4, 2007 10:46 AM

to seraphsuzie, im sorry you had a bad experience . try to think of it all as an opportunity to learn something. you seem very open & genuine, and unfortunately some will try to take advantage of that. its important you dont lose your "self" when something like this happens. keep being who you are, maybe just a little more wary (without tipping over to cynical). chin up girl. the right one for you is out there, but hopefully not TOO out there! lol.

Posted by: geminikj at June 4, 2007 5:26 AM

SeraphSuzie - I actually feel quite upset for you, I was really hoping he would be worth it for all us guy's sakes... now you are more tainted with distrust, Not fair!!
ps I have the chocolate - 27 kg of it (lemon myrtle flavour) to be exact (seriously)

Posted by: dlad54 at June 3, 2007 11:51 PM

Patience are you sure you didn't try the goods after entering that strange mans home. to enter is to say YES for most needy people these days. I love your wisdom you have alot to teach us in as far as how does the human species enjoy themselves given all the new freedoms our growing wealth offers. I think the true story was erect from wow to go with a woman of your calibre at the controls who knows what could happen. Correct me if you wish but dont tell me he was too small please. peter.

Posted by: justaguy4 at June 3, 2007 8:56 PM

ouch and ouch SeraphSuzie........how are You going with it? No matter where you meet people, there is always the occasional deceptive individual who is out for him/herself.......and he is......It ain't about You.

Like You, many of us here have experienced the forceful punch in the gut sensation you get when you realise you've been deceived by someone you've trusted and opened up to........

From personal (and painful) experience, deception is not the exclusive domain of men, however.

You should know that it's nothing that You've done - You've been honest and forthcoming - and have believed he would reciprocate - he is not who he portrayed himself to be - alas.

I hope You've bought the best chocolate You can afford (the Lindt mint or orange is particularly delish - I get mine at Safeway). And if You want a bit of liquid comfort to accompany the chocolate, I can thoroughly recommend Tokay (it's a fortified wine) as an excellent companion - sweet and moorish - and well suited to chocolate. The Seppelts is particularly noice!

In fact, I might just go and pour myself a smallish glass right now......cheers.....

Weta advocates that alcohol should be consumed in moderation.......

Posted by: Weta at June 3, 2007 8:31 PM

Thankyou g uys for all the hugs and concerns and thanks ninaschen for the kisses and if I had stamps I would email you!! But when I get some you will be the first one I email.

Well I have picked myself up and am ok...just like falling off a horse I guess, you just gotta get back up there again. Mind you I don't have a good track record when it comes to horses, only been on three all my life and fallen off each time, once breaking my arm. And no that is not a metaphor for something else ;-) hehe.

I had a big whinge to my mum and that was good, and I went to church this afternoon and that helped also. So 'bring it on' i say!!

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at June 3, 2007 7:32 PM

When I found out the man I was seeing a looong time ago was married ( thought there was something funny going on when he gave me his fax number instead of his home phone number, then i did a search on the white pages and found his REAL phone number :)) I picked up the phone and called his wife. I spoke to her for quite some time, turned out that she had an idea he was playing around but needed the proof. I gave her all the proof she wanted.

Revenge was swift and sweet

Posted by: Sonn at June 3, 2007 6:48 PM

Hats off to Seraphsuzie for the ultimate 'On Topic' post to this blog.
Your first impressions of this guy were good, or at least OK, enough boxes got ticked for you to want to progress to a second meeting...
But, that second impression wasn't too positive.

As others have said above, don't waste your despair on pseudo-humans. Tempting though it is to turn the disaster inward and blame yourself...Resist!
You have honesty on your side, you trust, you are sincere. All qualities lacking in that other person, whose emotional landscape seems to be an empty desert.
It's pretty hard to make a desert bloom.
Walk on. (sings)...with a smile in your heart, for you'll ne-v-er walk a-lone....
Oops!
Whereas you...are already flowering! PinklyRedly! heh heh It's only the 'wild & crazy' ones that flower as vivid as that.
cheers

Posted by: larker at June 3, 2007 6:45 PM

SeraphSuzie just caught up on the blogs...I am so sorry 2nd date turned out that way but at least you seem to have your bite back!!!

What is it with married men??? If you are not happy in your marriage...get out of it...don't make everyone else unhappy.

It seems my bitter and twisted ways are somewhat justified!!! Only joking....I am forever hopeful that the next guy I meet will be wonderful and I just keep getting up when I am knocked down!!

Keep smiling and eat chocolate...it really does help!!! :-)

Posted by: gypsy (not my rsvp name) at June 3, 2007 5:24 PM

Ok there are so many 'lurkers' and 'lucky lurkers' and other lurkers running around these blogs my head is spinning. I found one lurker, and found out your real rsvp name and read your profile, and it was good, made me laugh. It was very interesting, and yet you are too far and yet again I do not meet your criteria anyway...'sigh' such is life. I even looked in the mirror for the 'wild & crazy' look in my eye...hehe ;-)

And thankyou for all the concerns about the Italian stallion. I have told him exactly where I stand on everything, I will meet him for lunch when he is here and that will be it. Just friends. My future love interest is in Sydney somewhere I am sure of it...hes just hiding .....and I have to say hes damn good at it too... ;-)

Just a tip also for those males who are married and on here...If I ever come across you and you try it on me..WATCH OUT!! I BITE!!...

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at June 3, 2007 2:32 PM

Patience...classic you are!! Hilarious! i sincerely hope one day, you will meet that wonderful guy.. You give us hope..
I havent been on RSVP long...so far.. ITS A JOKE!! Seems the majority of guys either want phone sex..or want to know what its like to bed a black girl.. So far the highlight of my RSVP experience is reading these blogs!! :)

Posted by: charismatic83 at June 3, 2007 2:02 PM

SeraphSuzie - you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go out there and find someone better (or a wonderful dog - they're so incredibly loving - a canine one, not a man who acts like "a dog" in the derogatory sense!).

Sorry to hear what a horrible experience you had and know how bad these things feel. It truly will pass, and in the meanwhile, yep, chocolate is helpful.

Posted by: Malsie at June 3, 2007 1:02 PM

SeraphSuzie - that kind of experience says more about him than it does about you.

By all means feel sorry for yourself for a bit, have yourself a stiff drink, have a rant, scream, or cry, and take the time you need, and if it helps, take solace in the knowledge that if they'll cheat with you, they will, without fail, cheat on you.

Of course I find a swift and brutal revenge to be quite therapeutic at times, but I'll leave that up to you to decide ;)

Not all of us out there are like that worthless (expletive deleted) , Suzie.

Posted by: stoic at June 3, 2007 12:51 PM

Oh SeraphSuzie! You poor baby, big hugs. Though by the time this gets posted, you'll probably be drowning in them. Gullibility is the flipside of optimism. Give thanks you found out at the second date stage. It does mean he respected you enough to disclose (not that I am defending him), which means you project inner strength (eg I am not to be messed with). Pessimism and despair start a downward spiral that is both unattractive and hard to reverse. Take the hugs (cyber & real), a glass or two of the best quality wine you can afford (reflects your worth), and acknowledge the dissapointment. Then get back to doing what you do...every kiss / smile gets you closer to who you are looking for. You still rock!

Posted by: Gratitudegirl at June 3, 2007 12:24 PM

Oh SeraphSuzie! I have sent you a kiss but I wish I could give you a real hug and real chocolate. I have steam coming out of my ears and tears in my eyes! How dare he deceive you or anyone else like that! I don't chant the 'all men are bastards' mantra (look at our fellow bloggers, they seem decent enough) but sometimes it is difficult to maintain that optimism. You can hold your head up high SeraphSuzie, knowing you have done the right thing by sending him packing. You are a decent human being and HE IS NOT. RSVP Moderator - it is time for a name-and-shame file!

Posted by: Ninaschen at June 3, 2007 12:22 PM

Oh yes Gratitudegirl a column by Patience would be great! No Ed, this does not come from Patience's email address either.

[Ed: LOL no, but from what I can see, it's the server next door to hers. Anyone thought of asking Patience if she really wants to spend her weekends moderating blogs for profanity?!]

Posted by: Hotredflame at June 3, 2007 10:58 AM

well, first impressions count when you meet someone and they ask you to go back to their place on the first date (to be intimate .) the record for me was 15 mins into the date . Sorry but it had the opposite effect .Needless to say it didnt work out for either of us.

Posted by: record breaker at June 3, 2007 10:56 AM

Well what a great idea this is . Just spent a few minutes reading the posts. Patience you definitely have a book waiting to be written about rsvp experiences. I guess this is a lonely game really so its not until you read the posts that you realise how funny it all is , I have been a member on here for a long time even before kisses and have met a few people . Some good some bad but its all experience. I have learnt so much about myself through meeting others though. To those guys I say thanks and hope you have met your MS Right. As for me , I havent given up hope yet .

Posted by: hopeful at June 3, 2007 9:31 AM

Gosh! It sounds like unarmed combat this dating/meeting people thing. It's bizarre listening to (oops! I mean reading) the stories the women tell about the creeps out there...and it's kind of funny but appalling too.

I've been tangled up with Real Life for a few days so I'm just catching up on all of the posts...I hope no one else wanted to write anything? hahaha

Is this the way these guys would like to be treated by women they meet? Used? As a gratification object?
Do they know what they're doing? Would they want other men to treat their daughters this way? Their sisters? Mothers?
Wow! Where's the appreciation, understanding, empathy? Consideration for a fellow human being? Basic manners?

Mace or pepper spray should be legalised straight away with these simian oafs roaming about...perhaps repackaged as "Date Ender Cologne" or "Invisibliser". Because after just one or two polite squirts the Neanderthal disappears. Out the door.
To avoid hurt feelings one might say, "It's not you, it's just that I'm not ready..." before letting them have it.
Why bother though, it's unlikely the self obsessed sociopaths or the aggressive user types have feelings. Just blast them and think of it as free tutoring.

On First Impressions...
For me...they count for everything. Sure 'liking' can grow, appreciation and understanding build, but without the dizzy zing those things are unlikely to get an opportunity. Fantastic friendships don't need it. But romance, rapture, incendiary passion burn brightest with an ignition spark...

I've experienced the whirly headspin with people that I've never seen again, that's part of the fun. It's not always possible, or wise, to act on it...even when you know, absolutely know (you can always tell) that it's mutual.

Oscar Wilde said, rather teasingly, "Never trust first impressions, they are nearly always correct".
But I've got no idea at all what he meant.

cheers

Posted by: larker at June 3, 2007 12:47 AM

Woohooo! I have fans! hahahaha Gee Whizz delphinus, don't you think the eyes are a window to the soul...or eye, in this case. Many women find eyes very attractive you know...and you can tell a lot about someone by looking deeply in to their eye...
But, as you know, that (RSVP) "Lurker" is not me. He's a winker and I am not.
I was lurking so I just wrote 'lurker' in the name box, s'pose I should have kept an eye out for anyone already using the name.
Would that be like having a blind moment?

But at least I'm honest. I called myself "lyingcheat".

cheers
lurking lying cheat

Posted by: lucky lurker (Not RSVP name) at June 2, 2007 11:51 PM

Seraphsuzie! Watch out for that Italian Stallion...What do you actually know about him?
Only what HE has told you, which may be true or it may not.
Most likely, not. For a start his claim that all/most Italian girls are golddiggers is clearly not true. The percentage of mercenary girls in Italy is probably much the same as here and given that Italy's population is much larger it means there are more non-mercenary girls there than here.
How does he know that you are not only after his money? He doesn't really. Presumably you've told him you're not, but the golddiggers don't usually announce it anyway. If he is so cynical as to believe the majority of Italian girls only like him for his money why should he trust an Australian girl he has never met?
Given that he doesn't know you at all why would he give you assurances that he "knows you are not like that"?
Maybe he's psychic, but it sounds more like meaningless flattery to me. That's the kind you get from all scammers, in the buttering up phase they'll tell you how intelligent you seem, how perceptive, not at all like all those other fools out there, and how they know, just know they can trust you... So you should trust them too.
But isn't there always a problem with the funds transfer? Isn't that what comes next? You wouldn't mind opening a bank account would you? You KNOW he's good for the money, because he told you.
Words are cheap, deeds are what counts.
I've kind of focused on the money thing here but the same logic applies to anything he's told you about himself. It's just as likely untrue as it is true. The photo might be of his neighbour. He's in Africa (if indeed he is) because he escaped from jail in France after being sentenced to life imprisonment for hate crimes and he's circling the world on a stolen passport trying to throw Interpol off his trail.
Sounds bizarre huh? How do you know that some or all of it isn't true? You don't really, except that he says it isn't.
But you know...psycho's don't usually open their letters with confessions.

The profiles here would be pretty entertaining though...Genuine Psychopath Guy seeks Reckless Acolyte for Anti-social Outings and Moon lit crime sprees. Must like attack dogs. Grrrlol...

Arsonist, looking for sweet girl to light my fire. Prefer athletic fast runner. Mustn't mind smoke.

Snap...Crackle...Pop
Take care.

Posted by: lurker (Not RSVP name) at June 2, 2007 11:11 PM

Weta's Saturday night observation:

One of the lessons life has taught me, is that initial attraction in it's various forms (including chemistry) is a highly unreliable way of assessing compatibility or honesty - and the stories here don't do much to bolster the case for the chemistry camp.

The language in the stories here about attraction and subsequent disillusion suggest that we often tend to act in less than rational ways when it comes to the preliminaries of the mating game.

My gut has always told me that if it seems too good to be true......it usually is.....and yes.....our gut and intuition is likely to be our best bullshit detector -as long as we've got it turned on and tuned in.

It's the human condition to know that we are desired and attractive to others - that's all part of the complex milieu of human mating rituals we go through.

But it's still hard to forgo the flattery and attention.....and someone saying all the things you like/want to hear..... We paint fantasy pictures - and imagine conversations and situations involving ourself and this, as yet unmet in the flesh, person.

My gut tell me that in the grand scheme of things, being gobsmacked is cause for immediately engaging one's radar.......

Like our stories here indicate, there can be chemistry and gobsmacking attraction going on in e-mails/chats/phone calls/in the flesh meetings, but it can end up in all manner of unexpected/undesirable denouement.

The rational and the emotional are not always in synch when flirting/attraction/lust/desire is in the air.

As a species, we are designed to pair/partner/reproduce - and it is simply natural to seek company/companionship/affection - that's the human condition - it's just that there will always be emotionally unintelligent, manipulative yet believable people who from time to time get under our radar - because we start from the position of trust - until we see evidence that causes us to reassess - sometimes painfully - and at other times with great hilarity. And from such experiences we learn more about the human condition - but that doesn't stop us from continuing to test the water and occasionally getting an unexpected dunking......

.......optimism is much better than the alternative......

Posted by: at June 2, 2007 10:52 PM

Thank you all so much for your stories, it has made my day. I've just had a bad run of rsvp men, and I am trying really hard to not take it personally.
1. I had a 2nd date with someone who had complained that women never bothered to call him after he had paid for dinner...so I paid for dinner and do you think he's bothered to call?
2. One who berated me for having my profile up previously when I was chatting to him, so I hid it for him, only to find out he's kept his up and is logging in each day, don't i deserve the same courtesy?
3. Then there was the one last saturday night who rang me at 6pm to say he was not sure if he could make it, but could he call me back in an hour and let me know. Its a saturday night and i have better things to do then sit by the phone waiting to be stood up.

What happened to being polite??????

Posted by: notmyrsvpname at June 2, 2007 10:55 AM

Some of these experiences make me cringe. Green teeth, smelling like cows!!! Drunk, asking for phone sex and questions about underwear drawers. I tell my daughter to walk away at the first sign of these in a man - you would not want a life with someone like this. Guys get other problems - like being asked about your financial position on the first date. One womans profile left no doubts on her motives 'You don't have to be a millionaire but it helps'. Hmmm, no thanks.

Posted by: Bob51 at June 1, 2007 10:31 PM

Well I had my second date tonight....he came over to my house, for supper, not for anything just to spend time,...well it has just ended...after he told me he was married...she was at home ..they have been together for 2 years, he is only with her because he cannot afford to live on his own as he has to pay child support... I am shell shocked and crying and thinking what an idiot I am to trust a man again. Do I have gullible written all over me? I sent him packing, he asked if he left his wife if he could see me..I said no.. how can I be with someone who has lied to me, lied to their wife and sons? What on earth do I do now? ..I wish I had chocolate..I have the coffee..just not the chocolate... probably a few stiff drinks would be better. :-( Very sad SeraphSuzie.

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at June 1, 2007 10:30 PM

Ive been on quite a few coffee dates now and several times Ive thought no, dont judge them on the one date, give them a chance and gone out again but never has it changed my mind, my first date impressions seem to be what sticks with me. If I dont think Im going to be attracted, or click even just as a friend on the first date, then it doesnt seem to happen. I prefer to chat a bit on the phone first and even that gives me an insight into how the first date will go. There has to be something there between you right from the start, a feeling that you would like to see them again is a good start. But I know of some lucky people who have been friends for ages before romance blossoms so we have to keep an open mind I guess.
My most interesting first date story is where I went out for dinner with a new guy, we were enjoying the date and decided to sit in the lounge at the pub and have a drink afterwards. Next thing I hear someone say, there's a man with a gun, next thing the guy I was with took my hand to run out the door, but the balaclava'd man with the gun ran out the door near us so we stayed put. The police came and then we left. All that excitement gave us a special bond and we saw each other for a while but it eventually ended and here I am still on RSVP.......going on first dates......again and again...

Posted by: Vivalife at June 1, 2007 9:47 PM

Hey, Sonn - I loved that line "A guy sent me a photo - it was nice, but not of himself!" That really made me laugh - thanks for that. As if people didn't have enough to contend with attempting to get anything meaningful going with anyone without random photos being sent to people!!

Also agree totally with what you said in your other blog re the importance of speaking to someone on the phone first before meeting them - I always do that and it's proved invaluable to me.

Hey, Patience - can see how aptly the name "patience" applies now after your story about the "3-month man" - my goodness!

Posted by: Malsie at June 1, 2007 9:42 PM

Please Mr / Ms RSVP, give Patience her own column. It could be a right money spinner for you. Perhaps the "Virtue-ality of Patience". Bless you, Patience.
[Ed: Might be an idea. Hmm, your email address doesn't match hers... just checking...!]

Posted by: Gratitudegirl at June 1, 2007 5:03 PM

Gentle readers gather round...
...time for another story...starts well and ends in a big lesson for Ms Patience(as usual)
Prologue
Patience spent some years under the influence of one Sister Mary Winifred
Old Winnie was the author of a well know book of instructions for teenagers to do with sex (and the avoidance of it at all costs) Even though Patience claims to be Agnostic, Sr Mary and her "patent shoe" theory lingers(you know why girls should not wear them...don't want men catching a glimpse of your underwear via the shoe reflection! Thank God she has left us before phone cameras came along is all I can say..) However, Patience is a trusting soul.

Patience decides to sign up to RSVP and is a bit nervous and unsure of proceedings. she reads the dating tips and safety rules.
A kiss is received. It is from a nice man with a great profile but no visible photo. Patience is prepared to believe as he says that he is being cautious and sensible too, and so an email conversation begins. And continues. And continues. They talk and laugh and start to flirt....about a month goes by. Patience is now wondering if he is going to ask to meet her soon...she is quite keen(hasn't seen a man for years) She asks to see his photo, but he says he is not quite ready . More time goes by(about another month) They laugh and talk and flirt a bit more. Patience is being quite bold and brazen I can tell you. Sr Mary would not be amused..
Patience asks for his photo as she cannot wait to see him, and now she thinks perhaps he is shy.(or possibly has a hideous deformity) They talk and laugh and now they are talking about the contents of her underwear drawer and other stuff(Bless me Father for I have sinned)...it is great fun though and filled in a few boring afternoons at work... Patience is getting a bit peeved by now though and demands to see his photo and even starts to question if he is a "real" person or perhaps a married man. She is still like Pollyanna always hopeful of peoples good motives.
He writes back with a hurt tone and how he is just not comfortable yet. He tells her something about himself and his work that she can verify. He says he will ring. He does ring...late at night from a blocked mobile number and from car. Patience is appeased a little but the little voice is starting to tell her something is not right. He has said he has his own business she rings him at work as a surprise. It took great courage as she is still nervous about meeting a new man. He sounds taken aback. They talk but still no arrangements to meet. He writes an email stating that he was shocked by the call.
Three months have gone by,,,Patience has run out of underwear to talk about and he only has a couple of pairs of boxers....
Finally the penny drops...she has been conned probably by a married man, and he has no intention of meeting her. She writes and tells him one more time that if he is not willing to meet or show his photo she will not respond further.She accuses him of playing games.
He tries to turn things on her saying that she is obviously bad tempered and demanding and he feels uncomfortable at the pressure(Three months mark)
She writes and tells him what she thinks of that, and men who prey on women who are vulnerable. And that was the end of that.
From then on(after she recovered from the embarrassment of being so stupid and naive...little did she know "The Dominator" was lying in wait) Patience has decided on the GratitudeGirl approach. quick and not much pain... a kiss, and a few emails and then a meeting. No point in waiting and building hopes and a cyber relationship if the chemistry is not right . No need to tell a stranger about your underwear to progress to a meeting.The first meeting is the deal maker for me.
This way you are less likely to be conned or scammed in anyway. In actual fact I think it is a lot safer than giving out lots of information to a stranger via email.
I also hate the phone calls as I find them so awkward and forced. I would much rather meet in person. I am not scared of doing that as it is always in a public place.

and so we come to the close of another chapter...
but not the whole story of Patience...

Posted by: patience at June 1, 2007 3:54 PM

Thanks Gratitudegirl but the point i was making was that you know when meeting for the first time after the emails and phonecalls, which is not prolonging the inevitable but giving you some common ground for conversations. I have even had pics sent via the phone which by the way is not the best way to show someone what you look like..(EG my profile pic ) unless you have the latest and greatest phone. The pics didnt dampen my wanting to meet this person but upon meeting her seeing her for real did.

Posted by: cookbrekkyfor2 at June 1, 2007 1:24 PM

ok imagine gratitudegirl if you were to see a really good profile and felt "Yeah this is the one" and plunged head first into a meeting without having spoken to them first and the minute they opened their mouth to speak you knew that' you'd made a HUGE mistake, how would you feel?? Like running??

Forearmed is forewarned LOL LOL.

Nothing worse than being in the company of someone who can't string a sentence together or one the other hand is pompous and overbearing and won't let you get a word in.

Posted by: Sonn at June 1, 2007 1:16 PM

Worst date :)) A guy sent me his photo ( it was a nice photo but not of himself). We decided to meet at the local cafe, he showed up and I ran of my life. His teeth were green and crooked,bad breath, he was bald and had a face only his mother could love. The minute I saw him I told him straight out that he certainly did not look anything like his photo. this one was by far the worst. I still laugh when I get the mental picture of myself running from him.

the others were tame and last was disappointing as he was a nice guy just to into his alter ego and that is so distasteful and disrespectful on a first meeting.

Another one was with a local guy who admitted he was a cheater and had hit his wife, I promptly got up and walked away. On yet another coffee meeting someone else kept going on and on about his money and kids and his EX, and the one before that asked me for coffee at Novotel, which felt like a job interview, where he told me that his main concern was whether or not we would hit it off sexually and wanted to book a motel room so he could find out ??????

I too have noted during my time on here and other sites that there are lots of men who's main interest is not a relationship, but a quick tumble in the hay. Phone sex, yet that too has cropped up. What is it with men and their alter ego?? can't that stay zipped away and forgotten about until you really know each other and are ready for commitment? Why does there have to be the try before you buy attitude? Get to know the person first, then try the next step.

I have become disillusioned by the opposite sex, yet I do know there are some really nice guys out there, but where??

I can sum up a person in 3 minutes and know if i want to see them as a friend again or not, but ...... deciding if he would be an ideal partner is a different kettle of fish, that takes time.

Posted by: Sonn at June 1, 2007 12:45 PM

Cookbrekkyfor2: thanks for the input, but now I am really curious. If you believe that the crunch comes in the first 5 mins or secs, why are you having 3 phone conversations first? Isn't this prolonging the inevitable (eg either glee or grimace), or is it out of respect for the woman? I think Patience is right -- might be very interesting to have a blog on what people's process is..I'm a fan of the bandaid approach eg rip-it-off quick! I couldn't abide phone calls, and think that you build up too many expectations through prolonged emails. But maybe that's why I'm still single ; )

Posted by: Gratitudegirl at June 1, 2007 9:05 AM

Oh! I can definitely tell if there is any chemistry after the first date... The problem is, if there is a spark and we have a second date, I get all nervous and %$@! it up. So the problem for me (if I like him) is getting the third date, not the second. For some reason, I get through the first date fine. Then, on the second date, I go all shy and goofy and say really dumb things.

Posted by: whereismyman2007 at May 31, 2007 11:53 PM

I am quite new to RSVP and only had one live meet. As you do, I tried to look nice and thought that I had made an effort. Apprehensive, nervous, terrified we met at the arranged venue. Oh my god, he looked like he had come straight from work in his work clober. Trying not to judge I was determined to have a nice time. He also was determined to have "a nice time" getting much too close for comfort. After pushing him away from my person far too many times and on departing company he made a request I would prefer not to mention. Where do these guys come from..and they reckon they are looking for a long term relationship..what a joke. Buck up guys and have a bit of self control.

Posted by: foxytelenova at May 31, 2007 11:24 PM

Interesting phrase, cookbrekkyfor2, "in real life somewhere" - I know what you mean, and this way of meeting people has its own unique "ways", but it's still real life (just a bit of an odd one at times, but then "real life" is too sometimes!)

Posted by: Malsie at May 31, 2007 8:21 PM

cookbrekkyfor2 pity you live in Melbourne!!! I just peeked at your profile if you are wandering what some strange lady from Sydney was doing...by the time you see this blog though, it will be someone else, so you will never know!!! But you do sound like a gentleman... good luck!

Posted by: gypsy (not my rsvp name) at May 31, 2007 7:37 PM

Ooohhh Patience you will have to read about my date in 'profiles breakers and makers', It was so lovely, a truly nice time, with lots of laughs, just enough awkwardness from the both of us and a lovely kiss to end the night!! And the way we met up was hilarious. I arrived a little late, we met for a drink at my local club and I was walking across the carpark and thought I would ring him to see if he had arrived, well i see this guy walking towards me and as I was waiting for my date to answer the phone this guy gets his phone out and puts it to his ear..low and behold it was my date..it was hilarious and a real icebreaker. So it just flowed from there...and he asked me out again...its all in the other blog!! Oh btw I didn't meet him on RSVP either ..hehe ;-)

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at May 31, 2007 7:02 PM

Having been on about 30 first dates during the past year, i might be able to help. First dates are fraught with danger, especially if there hasnt been more communication than a few emails. I always try to have 4 or 5 emails , beit on the rsvp site or another, then if there has been some common ground a phone conversation or 3 is next. I always make the proviso that i give the lady my number and not request hers.. then with process taking about 3 or 4 weeks i suggest lunch, somewhere nice and open, which i pay for (cos i was raised proper...lol). Now this is the crunch part on several of those meetings i have known within 5 seconds.. well maybe 5 minutes whether there is any prospect of continuing, with the meetings.BUT 1 thing i will not do is embarrass myself or the other person by walking out, but will accept halving the bill with them. On several occasions i have thought that there was something there worth pursuing but the lady didnt
and i accepted that cos you cant get blood out of a stone, and i also know that the shoe has been on the other foot.

with that all said i keep looking and still hope to be amazed and fall in love with someone that i meet.

And it may not be on this site or any other, but could be in real life somewhere and when i least expect it.

Posted by: cookbrekkyfor2 at May 31, 2007 6:16 PM

I believe that you obviously know on the first meeting if there is an interest. Sure, you don't know if this interest will develop into anything but if the initial interest isn't there why go any further? Having said this, I also believe that you have to allow for first meeting nerves and not be too judgemental.

Because I believe that interest is felt immediately, I strongly believe that profiles should be truthful otherwise you are just wasting everyone's time. Why say you are slim or average if you are clearly overweight, or why say you don't smoke if what you mean is you wish you could stop? If you go along to a first meeting expecting something and get something quite different, that doesn't make a good impression.

Posted by: woodnwine at May 31, 2007 2:31 PM

SOOO true,Cyclerider.What can you really learn about him/her unless they are really weird.It takes time to get to know somebody.ROB.

Posted by: robbo5085 at May 31, 2007 12:06 PM

I think it takes more then one date to decide if that person is the one. And meeting face to face is a lot easier then comunicating over e-mail. Things can get mis-interpreted as well from what I have heard. People can make them sound like the fantasy that they think you want.

But I have had a few dates with people that I have met on RSVP, some bad some good. But getting written off on the first meeting can be off putting. But I have learned that if that person really wanted to know me they would of wanted a second meeting. So why worry about. More people to try and get to know out there. And it is all good experiance.

But instant Chemistry does happen, but I have found that those relationships don't last a long time, because the embers burn quickly and fast. And die eventually as you really get to know the person.

It takes time to get to know some one, but writing some one off beause you think you might get a better offer down the track. (Guy's and Girls do this) Might end up being stuck in a loop that never ends.

Chemistry takes time, real chemistry I think anyway.

And not everyone is a scum bag girls. As they say find the diamond inthe ruff.

That's my 2 cents worth.

Posted by: Cyclerider at May 31, 2007 7:39 AM

I thought I better 'put my two bob's worth in' and try and address the gender imbalance on this blog....reading through the stories has made me feel somewhat embarrassed to be a man...but I'm sure most of you realise that there are woman who's behaiviour is a bit ordinary as well. I had a very brief stint on here over a year ago before comeing back on 2 months ago. The first stint was non-eventful..this time around has had its ups and downs. I did meet someone, not a 'date' but just planned to meet at a RSVP event which wasn't an ideal place from my perspective...it was from memory advertised for 30 - 50 age group and the music was playing at a volume that almost precluded meaningful conversation so the whole thing just fizzled. After that disaster I exchanged several emails with a lovely woman who I was really beginning to warm to...I think the feeling was mutual...but her previous partner reappeared and she decided she still had feelings for him and ended our 'relationship'. I was obviously disapointed but as she was up front about it I didn't feel angry or 'done over'. Another woman actualy replied to my kiss with an email..just to say that she was happy where she was and wasn't interested in relocating....I felt a bit guilty about kissing her and costing her a stamp...but it was a very nice or her. My biggest bitch is about the women who reply to your kiss with a positive?? kiss reply( the reply options are somewhat inadequate aren't they?) so you email them and.....nothing!!!! even worse are the ones who reply "looking forward to your email'.....once again nothing!!! I can't help thinking that perhaps these women are 'employed' to encourage us to spend our stamps!!(I guess my profile will disappear into the ether now!!!) I guess I'm too simplistic/realistic but I don't get the 'clicking' thing.....thats the fantasy world we lived in as teenagers. A relationship is something that develops over time when two people feel comfortable together, are interested in the other's life/job/dreams etc and each is willing to accept a few shortcomings and maybe make a few compromises....and most importantly, express your feelings ie what you like/don't like...despite popular myth, us blokes aren't mind readers!!
And in closing...could someone please explain to me what it means to be 'happy in your own skin'!!! I mean....do we have a choice!!!!
Happy dateing all.

Posted by: Jamesfnq at May 30, 2007 10:47 PM

Mystic, I've had a fair bit to do with RSVP now, lots of phone conversations with lots of men - no, can't say phone sex has ever been an issue! (what am I doing wrong?) - nah, don't really mean that... have had contact with some really nice men and had some good relationships out of it (but have used my intuition well to work out who's "appropriate" for me, I think)

Malsie

Posted by: Malsie at May 30, 2007 10:13 PM

Mystic83, no every man does not want phone sex. What you have experienced is inconsiderate and rude. Unfortunately the internet has many strange people and sorting the wheat from the chaff takes time. Think of RSVP as a door to a big room full of all types of people, and you will only like a minority.

Posted by: Bob51 at May 30, 2007 9:48 PM

Just as a follow on from something Rokursox mentioned about progressing to a meeting ...how does everyone go about deciding to meet up.? Do you have a process that you stick to ?

Posted by: patience at May 30, 2007 9:32 PM

I just wonder how often, you guys change your shirt? I do not think that I would be able to come for the second date if he smells. You might be a man, but you are not an ape, so, please, shower yourself! If you have a date after work, then take a spare shirt and antiperspirant with you!

Posted by: NotIntoApes at May 30, 2007 9:26 PM

Seraph Suzie and bj...I am waiting up for you two young ladies to return home from your respective dates.....

Posted by: patience at May 30, 2007 9:26 PM

Mystic83, I can assure you that not every guy is after phone sex and it can be detrimental to assume every male is the same.

Posted by: Shigui at May 30, 2007 4:23 PM

Well in my years of dating, I have had some doozies. There was the farmer who was 6ft 6 and smelt of cows, and took me to an all you can eat buffet restaurant and decided to eat it all,..he spent more time at the buffet then at the table. There was the guy who turned up on a hot summers day wearing leather pants, an AC/DC tshirt that didn't quite make it over his rather extended belly (i don't mind bellies but hey I don't want to see someones belly button on a first date!) and he had a leather jacket AND a leather coat...and get this...he bought his daughter!! So well he was a bit creepy and stalked me for just a bit when I said no thanks. There was the guy who drove all the way from Orange..I was in Newcastle at the time..he had described himself as tall, dark, ..the usual...he turned up at the pub and was 4ft something, and had a long grey plait ...now I overlooked this and thought ok lets just see how it goes, well...he kept pawing my hand and looking deep into my eyes and started to um kinda talk a bit norty..so in the nicest way possible I told him I wasn't interested and I had to go home. Understandably he was not particularly happy and I had to make a quick exit out of there.
I didn't like my first husband when I met him..in a night club. I sat down beside him after a few drinks and asked him if he had a girlfriend, he replied ''No' , so I asked him if he wanted one. Mind you I was 21 then and a bit more out there. (actually nothing much has changed). But he was the really 'nice' guy and I was at a time in my life I went after bad boys, but he persisted and I eventually felll in love with him and we had 3 beautiful children together, but it just wasn't to be..
But I have to say dating is fun and you get to meet some interesting people and just think of the stories you will have for when your old and wrinkled and still blogging on RSVP...hehe ;-)

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at May 30, 2007 4:22 PM

I am fairly new to RSVP, this is my experience: This has happened too many a times. I meet a guy, we chat or exchange emails. Everything is going good. We exchange numbers and after one or two phone calls the guy is asking for phone sex!!! What is up with that?? I consider myself a very mature open-minded and honest person. So if you ask me personal questions I will answer as appropriately as I can, but it seems guys take this as an opportunity to request phone sex. I talked to a girlfriend of mine who advised I change my approach but I still managed to talk to a guy who asked me for phone sex. I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW. Is this normal? Is every guy on here after phone sex? The people who met on rsvp and are happy, is this how you started? Am I doing or saying something wrong? Am I unconsciously leading them on and if so, what are the signs? I am at a crossroad and I feel another bad conversation will make me turn around and go back the way I came.

Posted by: mystic83 (not rsvp name) at May 30, 2007 12:38 PM

Hey all, I guess the bottom line is that when we choose to use RSVP as a medium to meet people, we need to be aware that unfortunately some people are not above board and are not in fact who they say they are. OR they try so hard to create an 'impression' that the real deal turns out to be one BIG disappointment. This goes with the territory methinks. I had what I thought was a real connection with a guy, we had several intelligent and humerous conversations via email and then phone, I met him for a lovely dinner and foolishly (like patience!) went back to his apartment to see his 'artwork'. Well tha man turned into an octopus and his tongue found its way FAR too far my throat for my liking thanks very much!! I kept thinking to myself 'no-one knows I'm here' so made a fairly hasty exit. I am also a mother and felt so stupid for getting myself into that situation. Anyway, lesson learnt - trial and error!! There will be disappointments people, its not a perfect world, but just be yourselves and be safe! :)

Posted by: SummaLuvin74 at May 29, 2007 11:13 PM

stoic: Too true, that's what I have found.

Me: 3 major relationships - all stated out with minimal chemistry.
Oneafter 2 yrs of disagreements and no compromise (we just kept pushing each others wrong buttons), everything clicked.
We married, had children, then said goodbye at the end. All very civilised (but definitely worth it).
Last one was the same (took 9 months to realise we wanted each other) and we lasted 10yrs - then her job became a career, then a calling and I lost her.

Patience
I think you the problem I explained in Breakers and Makers. I see it all the time and regret we honest males can't stop it happening. You should definitely write more - I'm still reeling from the impact.
I can laugh at it but it could have been quite different.

Mendelssohn - looked at your profile -- WOW, love it, got an older version of yourself?

Kimbo, Serendipity is, regrettably, probably right.
Most likely chasing something (not one) else and keeping you as back up.
No polite way of putting it but have seen this behavior in (former) friends.
However never assume - contact him and ask what is happening, explaining your doubts.

Summary:
Give the other person a chance. Whatever personality type, it seldon show till the 3rd or 4th date.
nerves, apprehension (esp in those not used to dating), and excitement make for a very haphazzard meeting the first time.

Posted by: dlad54 at May 29, 2007 11:03 PM

Any of you tried speed dating? Wondering about it as an alternative to rsvp-ing...

Posted by: webgrrrl at May 29, 2007 10:47 PM

Let me start by saying that I have thoroughly enjoyed reading all the previous comments from a females perspective. Some guys just don't get it. I hope to provide some from a guys point of view.

I have been on RSVP for, what feels to me, a long time but in retrospect my 3 months is short compared to some. I however have been on several dates after chatting for 2 or 3 messages on rsvp and then moving to Instant Messaging. I try not to have a big internet relationship with someone and find that a face to face sooner rather than later helps alot in the dating scene. Too many times I have chatted to someone for a couple of weeks and have really liked the woman only to find in person we don't have anything. It is so easy to build a persona behind a computer screen and when your face to face it is totally different.

I have said in my profile that if their isn't any chemistry on the first or second date, there most probably won't ever be. The second date is really only a second chance to account for nerves, bad timing or any preconcieved notions that were bought into the first date.

As for my worst date. I had a lovely time with this woman I met on here although I had those niggling doubts in the back of my head about certain things she said. I enjoy meeting people and even though I felt some doubts, I enjoyed talking to her and chatted the night away. The second date came around and all the doubts became fact half way into the date. I stayed with her because we had walked down to the river for a stroll along the boardwalk and truth be told, I had no-where to go. I stuck it out and when we returned to our cars I said goodnight to her and drove home. The next day I told her, and she knew it was coming, that I didn't think that it would work and she agreed and told me that she was seeing someone else anyway. I thought it was all cool until 5 minutes after I hung up. Her son rang me and abused me wondering why Mum was crying. I still recieve "anonymous" phone calls to this day and that was 2 months ago. Life goes on.

Posted by: HiddenDesires at May 29, 2007 10:15 PM

Hey Spunkymick, Congratulations on being brave enough to a) use your RSVP name and b) to throw yourself in amongst all the women bloggers!
I bet you don't have matted hair? haha.. What's your shortest ever RSVP date (and why was it short)? can you beat 17 minutes? Would love to hear from a male perspective?

PM (not my RSVP name)...

Posted by: PM at May 29, 2007 9:16 PM

i totally agree with you alice.... what the????????/
why is it SO HARD to say thanks for the time etc and sorry things are....
why make us sit around if we are?!!! and wait for some sort of contact?
a small txt, email, or just a quick phone call does'nt take much does it?
if i feel there is no attaction that i would give them at least a message to say some thing that way we both know where we stand! come on guys give us ladies a idea of realy what is going on in that head....kimboyoyonz

Posted by: kimboyoyonz at May 29, 2007 7:55 PM

I have been on a few dates with rsvp. If people wonder why they are not contacted after a few dates, it could be due to the fact that they are 'playing the field'. I have been in a situation where the guys photo was very average, but when we met his personality shone through and he was one of the few people that actually look better in the flesh. One other guy I dates spent the whole date checking out the hairs on his arms (I think he waxed) and then is suprised when I didn't want to see him again. I think if you meet someone and you are feeling 50/50 on them, it is worth going for a second or third date. Happy dating everyone :)

Posted by: aquagirl7 at May 29, 2007 7:49 PM

I have been out on dates thru RSVP. After some emails and chats on the phone, we have met and had an enjoyable 1st date. This led to a 2nd date, both dinners but then, it comes to a grinding halt!! Suddenly all contact ceases after what seemed to be going well. What the??? From my perspective, I didn't spend my time, making lewd advances on the guys and therefore, given the flick.

Posted by: ALICE at May 29, 2007 1:23 PM

One of the problems I find with the "instant assessment" eg "click / chemistry", extends to what you do next if there isn't. And sure, I acknowledge that there may need to be a few more dates to determine it. Some of the bloggers are saying that making an quick decision prevents friendships, but when I think of all of my friends we 'clicked' instantly. I've got a great set of friends and there is always room for more in spontaneous way if we click. Ultimately I'm looking for a partner though, and making space for some-one I don't click with even if they are 'nice' would be to the detriment of my existing relationships and the future ones. Gypsy -- if you have seen the fellow for a couple of dates and have decided it is not for you try " with consideration and some reflection I have come to realise..." Can't beat email for saving face : ) His and yours. Mind you that is based on a couple of dates, not a full on relationship!

Posted by: GratitudeGirl at May 29, 2007 11:12 AM

I think it is really sad that we have become so busy that many people here are trying to assess the rest of their lives on one date or indeed one photo. Since I signed up to RSVIP it has shown me who looks at my profile and many who reject a kiss don't even take the time to read a profile! It would be nice to spend a little time with people, get to know them. Who knows you might find some great new friends and if you are lucky, even "the one"

Posted by: JaguarCreative at May 29, 2007 9:06 AM

gypsy, theres probably no way to tell them other than being completely honest. some dont take no for an answer & then want to resort to the "we can still be friends cant we?" line, which as we all know, is just a way of hanging on with hope. be honest, dont compromise your standards & keep lookin for the one who IS right for u.

Posted by: geminikj at May 29, 2007 5:53 AM

I have heard many stories of people meeting successfully through internet dating and have been seeing someone for 6 months myself now. So there can be someone out there for us. Just as an offside, I took my married daughter who was in town at the time on our first date lunch. We had a fun time and the tension was eased for me at least and I had a second opinion to go on. But she feels its odd she's the only person she knows who's been on a blind date with their mum. : )

Posted by: Lyn at May 29, 2007 1:09 AM

My theory -
1) It takes one meeting to click
2) Three dates to fully decide whether the click was a click (if you get through stage one)
3) Three months to gauge whether it really will work (if you pass stage two).

Posted by: Classified1 at May 29, 2007 1:02 AM

Gypsy, I think the best way is to write an email as soon as possible (if it has been a once or twice only thing) If longer then face to face, or phone at least.
Thre is no reason why two grown people can't have a pleasant evening together even if there is no
connection.
So I write an email and thank them for the lovely evening and say how much I enjoyed their company but that if I am not mistaken there was no connection. I try to compliment them on something and wish them well for the future.

I cannot be swayed from the instant feeling of 'this is right" In actual fact I think this even begins with the emailing. There are just some people who do not connect even electronically with me.(Or if you like I do not connect with them!)
Now I don't even try to meet them in real life.
When I go on a date and I am feeling a bit nervous and excited them I hold high hopes...if on the other hand I am feeling that I wish I hadn't agreed to meet, then usually things aren't great.
I say trust your intuition, or gut feeling whatever you like to call it.You will invariably be right.

Whoever said instant chemistry doesn't last is right, but it is necessary to give a couple a chance to get to the more committed stage.

There is a very large age range on RSVP and I think we look for different things at different ages and stages. So I am speaking about older people who have been through divorces when I say I think it takes a very large leap of faith to take on another relationship again. There are so many complications to consider. These are probably the real stumbling blocks which prevent us pairing up quickly if the truth be known.
We are probably comfortable with our lives and the thought of accommodating another person and having to consider them in decision making and financial and every other aspect becomes a bit too much.

Posted by: patience at May 28, 2007 11:26 PM

kimboyoyonz, with you backing off, playing it "cool" might have made him "cool" too, I personal believe lay the cards on the table, no point in playing the teenager game (because we aren't) and say how you feel.
serendipity25 not all men are players.... what would you do if you got the cold shoulder after a while ?

gypsy (not my rsvp name) just say you want to get married... should do the trick, no seriously just tell it as it is, nice man but not for me, we do understand somethings and if he is a good decent bloke he will understand.

spunkymick (my RSVP name)

Posted by: Spunkymick at May 28, 2007 10:22 PM

To Gypsy,.... from past experience I have found that the nicest way to let a "nice or "not so nice" person down is to be honest and tell them immediately that you feel that there is no chemistry between you, (though it was nice to meet them). Never agree to meet for dinner on a first date, coffee or a drink is the safest option. That way you can exit gracefully and quickly without leaving behind a cranky and hungry man. I arranged to meet a man last year for dinner from RSVP. He arrived 40 minutes late, with unbrushed matted hair, dirty clothes and looking decidedly unshowered. (Funny how that can't be detected in a photo or profile)! He then proceeded to tell me that he had only $5.00 in his pocket (he couldn't afford to buy me a drink because he had lost $90 on the pokies the night before). I had foolishly offered to buy dinner during a phone call to arrange the meeting. When I told him politely during our first drink that I didn't think there was any chemistry and that dinner wouldn't be a good idea after all (I couldn't bear to be seen eating at my local hotel with "Mr matted hair", he promptly asked me the quickest way to get to a suburb close to me as he had a 2nd option for the night.. a woman who would probably be "friendlier" than me.lol. The whole date lasted 17 minutes.. can anyone top that for the shortest date in history from RSVP? So, don't EVER offer to do dinner on the first date!
My best date was with a guy whose photo I hadn't seen which was very brave. Good luck gypsy.
PM

Posted by: PM (not my rsvp name) at May 28, 2007 9:16 PM

Hear hear Gypsy, I agree totally. I am in that position right now and it is really hard when the guy is genuine and just trying to find someone. You are damned if you tell him sorry but no thanks, and damned if you do. Dishonesty seems an easy way out at least he may not be hurt - but (if you are a half decent person as most of us are) you are then struck down with the guilts for lying to him.
Its even harder if you have had a couple of dates that include a nice dinner etc, then you feel like one of those people that are just out there for a good night.
A double edged sword.
I have said the truth even though it sounds corny "you are a nice person but not quite what I am looking for". THEN you feel you have left him thinking 'why didn't she say that on the first date'. The reason you didn't was simply because you were genuinely trying and thought that maybe he/me would losen up more on the second date. WOW it sucks sometimes.
Or you could be a complete bitch and say "I thought I'd give it another chance but you are definitely not my type".

Posted by: Rachael at May 28, 2007 6:24 PM

Gypsy, from my own experience honesty is the best policy. I have had a guy send me a lovely email telling me he didnt think we should stay in contact but wishing me all the best, and I have had a guy not respond to my texts, return my phone call or reply to my email (oh and he has the audacity to say on his profile honesty and compassion are important to him!!). Guess which 'rejection' was a hell of a lot easier to take? And guess whose karma is going to jump up and bite them on the bum? It's a cliche but treat others as you want to be treated and letting them down honestly is the nicest way.

Posted by: Beachmouse at May 28, 2007 5:54 PM

I have met a lot of lovely men on RSVP but I still find it excuriating trying to tell them that as nice as they are they are not the right person for me. Does anyone have hints on how to let down a nice person in the kindest way?? Maybe it would be a good new blog!!

Posted by: gypsy (not my rsvp name) at May 28, 2007 4:48 PM

I agree, Itsallfun - the message is ...... don't judge too quickly but dont throw caution to the wind too quickly either.

Sometimes your perfect fella is a bit nervous and the first date and yes, he messes up by speaking about himself too much! or speaking about his money!! but if you give him a chance and see how the second date goes, then you have a chance to see the real him ..... and if necessary, RUN.

Remember your manners to email "thanks but no thanks"

Posted by: christine (not my rsvp name) at May 28, 2007 2:32 PM

Hey Kimbo, I am a former client of RSVP and I have something to share with you.The problem is in the nature of dating sites that there are so many options for people.If you are unlucky and meet a man who is NOT genuine, then I'm sorry but he's probably out dating the next option that he had lined up! That is why he is quiet because there is always a reason for silence.I would suggest that you save yourself a lot of heartache and worry, get dressed up as you wish and go out with some friends and meet some nice, friendly, secure people in the real world:))) It works wonders.There are plenty of wonderful single men out there and you will not find them on your computer screen:)You will find them and mingle with others as you dance your night away and be pleasantly surprised being face to face with people then really getting to know them over time.
Serendipity25

Posted by: serendipity25 at May 28, 2007 1:45 PM

According to my counsellor (dont worry I have no horrible mental problems, I just love to talk about myself for an hour to a captive audience)..Chemistry is purely that, a chemical reaction to a person that we are physically attracted to. It doesnt last, but I for one LOVE that feeling. Which is why Im giving RSVP another go. But this time round Im going to try to ignore the so-called love(lust) at first sight and try and focus on a guys deeper qualities. Wish me luck.

Posted by: Beachmouse at May 28, 2007 12:31 PM

i have been doing the on line dating thing for awhile, meet a guy just over a year ago, we had the first meeting then the 2nd,3rd after awhile we started doing the relationship thing. meet and fell in love with his 2 girls, i became thier 2nd mum as thier real mum decided to move to perth!!!
so we were together for 9 months even did the move in thing but after awhile the ex came back and deciced to make problems between us.she used the girls and told them that she wanted to be a FAMILY again!!!! so he had mixed feelings doing the right thing for the girls and all, i finally left as i WAS NOT going to be in this relationship where i was 4th in line 2nd to the girls is fine but not 3rd to the ex's games. that was now 7 months ago,i have since moved on from that and again started to go back here. my problem is having a great first date, 2nd all good then NOTHING!!!! not even a thanks or well it did'nt work thing!!! so what is it with people do'nt they have any manners to say thanks?
o0h well, i have just meet a man here, he kissed me first all good we started to do the chat thing then meet....well i felt the instant attaction between us and have since seen and stayed over 2 times with him, no not just the sex thing we did haaave a whole day after the night before and he has since rung a few times even at 3am in the morning just to say hello!!! so how do u know that he's keen to take this further? i'm doing that back off and let him contact u thing but at 38 i'm sort of sick of the teenager games and want to know what to do? wait? tell him that i like him and see what he says? he has been very quiet at moment and not sure whether it's me? so any info or help, resopnces to this would be nice.... cheers kimbo.

Posted by: kimboyoyonz at May 28, 2007 11:04 AM

i always go by 1st impressions. if ever ive made the mistake of relenting & seeing someone a second time despite feeling he wasnt right for me, i still walk away with the same impression (sometimes even worse!)

so for those who want to take 3 dates to make a decision, thats cool, thats how you work. but its not me. i know myself well enough to know what i do & dont like in a person & what i see straight up is it.

Posted by: geminikj at May 28, 2007 4:59 AM

I have had a few coffees with men I have met on rsvp. It can take 2 coffees and a dinner to get to know some people and others it takes 1 coffee to know for sure. However, it can take a good 10 months of dating to really know a person and it scares me that some people move in together so quickly (especially where kids are involed). I dated someone on here for a year, when it ended the stalking started and after 4 months the police became involved. You can meet some really lovely peope on rsvp but you can meet some people who have baggage that needs to be unpacked and rearranged (men and women). I have not given up the dream that I will meet someone I can grow old with ...the message is, dont judge too quickly but dont throw caution to the wind too quickly either.

Posted by: itsallfun (not my rsvp name) at May 27, 2007 11:09 PM

I'd like to think I could follow the advice above of at least 3 dates to really get to know someone, but I'm way too flighty for that. I've legged it down the Pacific Hwy, I have done screetching u-turns, and i've simply said straight up, the 'incompatible' word. However, last week on my latest rsvp date, i very nearly ran, so disappointed that the email knight had turned out somewhat boring, added to the fact that i was nervous for a change and he wasnt. As he hadnt done anything wrong as such and I didnt want to be rude, I hung around. And it was great and we have date #3 coming up this week. It makes me think - there are so many single guys out there, why waste precious time with a dud. Imagine the heartfall to watch your life played back to you, and you missed Mr Right because you couldnt be arsed to give chances.

Posted by: forverden at May 27, 2007 10:40 PM

patience (26 May), your story cracked me up! lol Let me give you this guy's perspective on one of the dates I've had through RSVP. Although chemistry should be instant, sometimes it just isn't. For one reason or another, one person may be nervous or a little shy and it may take more than 1 date to be comfortable. My personal experience on RSVP is that you know after 3 or 4 dates whether it's going somewhere.

Anyway, back to my "experience." We met at a trendy bar in town and she didn't really look like her photo. It's probably because her photo said that she had an "average physique" when she was actually a little overweight. Intellectually, she was more than a match for me. I'm not wanting to sound conceited here, but this is an admission coming from a guy with 2 degrees and 3 qualifications. Needless to say, the conversation flowed easily and freely. There was some mutual chemistry, which probably explains why we ended the night snogging each other in a dark corner of the bar. Needless to say, I was a perfect gentleman and saw her off at her bus stop. We agreed to go on a second date the following week at a local vegetarian restaurant. Once again, the conversation was pleasant with the odd comment about her girl friends being on RSVP to get a shag. A couple of drinks later at a nearby pub and she was massaging my leg and said that she didn't know what the protocol was, but she wanted to ask me back to her place. Needless to say, I'm only human and so I accepted her invitation. Let's just say that I'll leave the rest of the night / morning to your imagination. So there were go, guys are not the only ones out to make sexual conquests :-)

BTW, a couple of weeks later she decided to call things off because she just wasn't "in to me." Go figure!

Posted by: Lee at May 27, 2007 9:49 PM

Instant chemistry is dangerous chemistry.There is too much infatuation usually and it never lasts.My whole issue with women is they seem to be looking for this instant chemistry and because they rarely get it,or it is rarely reciprocated -they dont give most guys a chance.

Posted by: digitalprimate at May 27, 2007 9:41 PM

After reading plenty of blogs on relationships,I must say,there are plenty of jaded people out there.Look im single have hardly been on a date for 7 years,am decent looking.But hey, i dont blame all women if im not what they want.As i read somewhere,it only takes one girl/guy to fill the position of your heart....

Posted by: digitalprimate at May 27, 2007 9:27 PM

I think the best first dates are those with no expectations.. just a coffee or a drink, and a chat to get to know the other person and see how they are. Attempting to know whether the person you're meeting on a 1st date is going to wind up being the parent of your future offspring is a big ask..
I liked reading the stories on here.. very enjoyable :) Somehow I think the girls will have better war-stories than the guys ;)

Posted by: Dionysius30 at May 27, 2007 5:56 PM

I know never to get my hopes up on a first date, despite the fine wine and the 4 star restaurant because for the second date I will inevitably be encouraged to go to his house for a dvd and take-away Indian. Thus, the second date for me rarely happens. As for the third, never (but that could just be because most men don't seem to like girls who are non-conformist and true to themselves).

Posted by: Mendelssohn at May 27, 2007 2:42 PM

You've got to go with your gut feelings. I've gone on second, third, fourth dates to 'give them a chance' but every time it's been just wrong, I really think you have a inkling from the outset. There has to be something there that piques your senses, not major fireworks but just something you find attractive about that person. Hence I think you have to chat first before you meet someone to get the complete picture as profile and photos lie! I exchanged really interesting emails with a guy who just happened to be in marketing, we arranged to meet and thank goodness I wanted to chat to confirm time/place etc 'cos when we got to talk on the phone he was pushy and arrogant (real sales pitch) and his voice just made my senses cringe. Needless to say he wasn't about to let go easily, and plagued me with emails for nearly a year, critiquing my profile whenever I updated it, correcting my grammer, telling me how right we were for each other. Scary stuff! I've also had the forgettable experience of dating a guy who deliberately decieved in his profile (saying he was "separated" when he was still married and in fact living in the family home with his wife; saying he had "kids living at home sometimes" when as above, his four kids lived in the family home; saying his build was average when in fact he looked like he was seven months pregnant, and not just overweight but obese! How could you possibly ever trust someone like that, what was he thinking. In my mind there are major character flaws with that personality type and it's entrapment if you let it be that way. On the other hand I've had many who have judged me harshly on an email or two so have had my share of disappointments too. There's a real art to internet dating, and I've a lot to learn....

Posted by: Bailey at May 27, 2007 1:16 PM

After reading all of the above I see that I have been too quick to judge and should have gone on second dates.
I have had many first dates and most were very pleasant, but I must say that I was expecting the chemistry thing first time. I have done myself a disservice by being so quick to judge.
I thought I was being honest because I don't believe in leading people on. Also it can be awkward if he is developing feelings for you and you are just still testing the waters just to see if you might hear those bells and whistles.
Anyway on to my dating experience! The first man I decided to date a second time was charming, worldly, confident and a fantastic chef. I fell hook line and sinker. I must say that the dates were feeling a bit like Groundhog Day but I was still smitten and falling hard. Then, just like Patience's man, the requests started. He was a gentleman and just accepted no so I continued to see him, more fool me. The requests then became even more colourful and covered every perversion imaginable. I was shocked, horrified and, because I had developed feelings, incredibly hurt and demeaned by the whole experience.
So Patience you were very lucky that he came out first date so you could run, run, run before you got burned. You could even laugh about it.
All I can say is to the ladies is to really look closely at the profiles and read between the lines. Open minded, so NOT stylish.

Posted by: ?? at May 27, 2007 9:20 AM

Just a quick add on after reading yr msg 'A Little Woman'. Thank you for pointing out that it shd be taken as a compliment. You showed it to me in a different light. BUT to make a 'mistake' of being blind drunk with 2 little ones in his care (at 3pm in the afternoon) is just not on. The kids acted like they had 'been there done that' before with Daddy and perhaps was the reason for no 'mummy' being on the scene anymore. When my alarm is playing Tubular Bells to me then I know I need to get outa there.

I certainly am prepared to give any person another chance at anything, no one is perfect - but that one went over the boundary. If anything I hope he has learnt a lesson to make sure his children are safe then daddy can have play time. It is no mistake when you keep returning to the bar for 'just one more'.

Posted by: Rachael at May 27, 2007 9:10 AM

I am under no illusions. I don’t waste my time by ‘kissing’ the pretty boys. I am not going to appeal to them. I am however drawn to those who display intelligence and humour. Some time back I sent a kiss to someone who at least displayed intelligence (oh well, one out of two is okay). We emailed, we chatted on the phone and we met. I thought it went alright (no explosion of fireworks but hey, at this stage of my life a single, slow-burning sparkler will do). I received what I thought was a warm kiss on the cheek and felt confident that he would follow through on his promise of ongoing contact. From the outset, I was totally honest (can’t abide those who aren’t) but I obviously wasn’t what he was looking for despite meeting much of his criteria. Never mind. I am not everyone’s cup of tea. He obviously moved on and tested the waters elsewhere. I now see that he recently rewrote his profile and it sounds quite bitter as he rants about dishonesty, show ponies, tyre-kickers, gold-diggers etc etc. Well, maybe he could have saved himself all that heartache if he had tried a second, mediocre date WITH ME!! Now I am chatting amiably with someone who displays both intelligence and wit – and you know what? The wittier he is the more handsome he gets. Moral – don’t dismiss people too quickly just because they don’t perfectly match your ideal. Patience – as always your posts entertain.

Ninaschen

Posted by: Ninaschen at May 26, 2007 10:19 PM

I think everyone is different. For some, it might take a number of meetings for something to click and for others, you know the first one or two dates. I am in the latter group. I have only met one person face to face from RSVP and had 2 dates. Halfway through the 2nd, I just knew this was not going to work. It was basic values, intellect, perspective (conservative, liberal etc) and you don't really get that information online. I can tell from a phone call or two if this person is for me or not. And I would always want to talk on phone before meeting.

Anyway, that's how I see it.
Tiki

Posted by: tikosta at May 26, 2007 9:34 PM

ABOUT BEHAVIOUR Let's not be too judgemental and be a pot calling the kettle black.
I applaud those who give the other a second or third chance. We sometimes do not behave very well, or as we want to be. So, allow others can be nervous that you absolutely do not know how they feel. They may try to impress us and inadvertently make a few mistakes. Take it as a compliment that you are special to him and your charm causes his blunder, then you may view things quite differently. Of course, pawing a female is an unacceptable behaviour.

Posted by: a little woman at May 26, 2007 9:33 PM

Nowhere near as good as yours Patience but my first dating experience was one I too want to forget real fast.

Had met a guy who was a divorced dad to a 5yr girl and 8 yr old boy. The boy lived with him and his daughter every 2nd wknd. Fine - no hassles there, lovely kids. It wasn't until we did the market thing on a Sunday after dating for a week and he'd consumed a few beers and then a few more that his true colours came out.
He managed to drive home - just. He was rotten drunk. He waffled on and even begged me to put him in the shower for some reason, so I had to ask his son to help. He was 6ft. He was also rambling on about how Willy was going to shrink in the water and I gotta say that I did a grand job of keeping a straight face in front of the boy. I was trying everything in my power to sober him up.
I was trying to shut him up, explain to the son who knew about the birds and the bees that daddy was just being 'silly' and needed a sleep and ushering the little girl into the lounge with the TV up full bore with a wiggles DVD. Man o Man I wanted out of there, but would not leave those kids to their own devices (I did suspect that daddy did this often tho).
Next thing there is a knock at the door and it is his ex and her new fiance. She seemed lovely enough, I don't think I could handle a grumpy ex as well as this. While I made more coffee to sober him up he suddenly pipes up "isn't she lovely. She gets on so well with the kids. And we haven't even had sex yet. I bet she is a bad girl under the covers".

Needless to say I just grabbed my bag, apologised profusely to the ex and the poor kids and bolted out the door.

And in two days time he turns up on my doorstep saying "I spose its too late to say sorry and start over?". Good thing my dog was out the back garden.

Posted by: Rachael at May 26, 2007 8:52 PM

What is it when people reply to a kiss sent, and say they would love to get to know you etc, you contact them by email and initiate a chat, and they say they would love to chat to you again - and then NOTHING!! They don't reply to an email - no I'm not a stalker - they are just rude I think! You know they have been online, so they get the messages!! A polite no thanks would be appreciated! So we can move onto some other poor fool!!!
hotquik 26/5/07

Posted by: lainey4 at May 26, 2007 7:25 PM

Patience... you are hilarious! I just noticed your blog because gypsy and geminikj commented on it. How true; I have met plenty of nice and romantic men here them the true colors come out after hours or a few dates - like the man but don't like the lifestyle. I think the best one so far (for me) was this guy whose profile/photo described/portrayed him as brown & wavy hair, blue eyes and claimed he is 47 years of age (mind you, he is in the top 100). We clicked on the phone as he was such a nice man but always wondered about his voice and told me that he has had a cold for the last two weeks. I thought: he's good-looking, have old family values and has a noble job - sounds like a package. I finally decided to meet up for coffee and my undies almost fell... due to shock. The man in front of me have gray thinning hair, greyish eyes, saggy eye bags and could pass as the father of the man in the photo. I knew there was something peculiar with the voice as he looks at least 57 than 47. I decided to politely end the meeting (after 15 minutes) as I can't wait to meet my friends that night to tell them of my encounter. The next day when I was honest enough to tell him that he "wasn't the man I thought he'd be" (very subtle) he had the nerve to get upset. I can't believe how he can't see how deceiving can be a concern to anybody. Oh and I have another story about this guy who wanted a baby with me (on the first date!). Hahaha. Anyway, thanks for sharing that patience and would love to hear more from you or others about their memorable experiences.

Posted by: Hotcocoa15 at May 26, 2007 7:18 PM

Patience, your worst date was a doozy!!! Cant beat that but I did meet up (luckily in a fairly public place) with a guy who spent most of the evening telling me how rich he was and he had been in the army and how he was going to get revenge on his ex-wife, her lawyer and the judge!!! Exit stage left!

I spent a while afterwards wondering if I should notify someone but did the cowardly thing and laid low!

I have tried to be more careful since...

Posted by: gypsy (not my rsvp name) at May 26, 2007 4:12 PM

Forgot to mention yesterday...

>BIG TURN-OFF ON FIRST DATES<

1. SHOW-OFFS: Oh my goodness! It makes me wonder sometimes how he managed to get out of the car with all those blings hanging around his neck. My sunglasses came handy during the conversation.

2. BUG OFF! - Ok, ok your profile says you're a professional so am I. Don't you hate it when you're in the middle of a conversation and he starts showing how "important" he is?

3. CENTER STAGE: I'm blah blah... I do blah blah... blah ME.... blah, blah MYSELF.... arghhh... save me!

4. LEECHING: What's with the touching on the first date??? I find it so arrogant, presumptuous, uncomfortable & annoying
when men can't keep their hands off you in places they should not go especially on the first date! I've slapped people before, I'll do it again!

5. DRY - How about silence? Or the one word reply in a conversation? I think it's too much work when I have to drag answers and keep the conversation rolling. The man might as well have lunch/coffee/dinner alone. If you're shy, tell me when you're ready.

I'm slowing getting this dating thing... I like it when it's relaxed, flowy... just allowing things to unfold. It's much better I reckon when you discover something amazing from that person the more you see him/her. There's really no need to rush unless you just want a good **** , there's a place for those things.

Posted by: Hotcocoa15 at May 26, 2007 12:46 PM

ah patience, youre a crack up! wat a great story, u had me in stitches. lol.

Posted by: k (geminikj) at May 26, 2007 11:47 AM

In my experience, the instant chemistry feels great but has no lasting basis.

My most rewarding relationship was with a woman who I did not initially find attractive (and who didn't initially find me attractive either - her own words :)

We had a purely professional relationship for about the first four months, then once that had finished we started hanging out socially.

I was still dating, but over those months we were hanging out socially, I really did begin to see her differently and feel differently towards her - and her towards me.

All up, we probably knew each other a good eight months before we started the "relationship" phase, and had I gone the "no instant chemistry, not worth pursuing", well I would be poorer man for it.

Posted by: stoic at May 26, 2007 10:58 AM

I agree with Gypsy about it being disconcerting to be *judged* on one date, but I am guilty of same. The way I approach it, if nothing offensive (eg misrepresentation of self, unrestrained ogling of body parts etc see dealbreaker blog) happens on first date, but there's no *magic*, I would go to a second, third... But if the first date is just too uncomfortable, there won't be a second. Shigui -- good for you! Long live that sense of adventure!

Posted by: Gratitudegirl at May 26, 2007 9:24 AM

I am a believer in instant chemistry. I don't think it takes three dates to feel it....but it might take three dates to be sure.
I also believe that if it is right both will feel it immediately....and by 'it' I mean a comfortable feeling being with the person as though you have known them forever, no awkward conversation and time flies..you notice something really attractive to you and you feel you are floating on air....you can't wait to see them again.

I believe that if there are big problems to be worked on in the beginning or the development of the relationship has to be forced then it is not right.

Transferring online contact to a real live meeting is a lot different to meeting someone somehow, somewhere, and they ask you out.

There is a bit of apprehension about meeting a virtual stranger and whether or not they will recognise you and vice versa. Nearly everyone looks a bit different than their photo.
The meeting will reveal lots that can't be conveyed online. These things can be the dealmakers or breakers rather than anything they have written in the profile.
There might be mannerisms that you hate or maybe the voice is not what you expected if you haven't talked on the phone. You might hate what they are wearing or even their after shave, or the way they smell.

A friend recently was lined up on a blind date with a guy who sounded like Mr Dream Man..lawyer with sports car type....he arrived at her door wearing jeans with a giant hem turned up almost to his knees and white shoes. ( I know those jeans have been fashionable for teenage girls over the Summer, but a middle aged man?) She bravely went on the date but felt embarrassed for him and herself.

And now The Perils Of Patience....
The most unusual and disappointing date I have been on was with a man who should have been my perfect match. We made contact and started to email and really clicked intellectually and sense of humour etc. The physical chemistry was mutual(for once)
It took some time to arrange a meeting as he was travelling. He told me he was visitng his father ...the Vicar.... We were both excited about the meeting when the night arrived. He told me he was bringing a camera to record our first date.
We met for drinks and then went on for dinner. I fell in love...he was perfect and charming and the attraction factor was +++ I secretly wondered if his father the Vicar would be available to marry us.....soon....

This is the bit where I get embarrassed...how old am I again?
I felt so sure of him and so comfortable that I agreed to drive him back to his apartment in the city. On the way to the car park he was(shall we say) a bit demonstrative and gave me a couple of kisses in front of lots of people. Breaking all the rules of sensible online dating safety I agree to go into his apartment for a coffee(well, I was totally besotted)
No sooner had the door closed , he had stripped off all his clothes and proceeded to tell me that he was into exhibitionism, domination and voyueurism, what he intended to do and the camera was to record proceedings. He was also into holidaying at nudist colonies in Europe and other sexual practices which I probably can't mention here.... but on the plus side he was willing to cook.....

I could not believe how easily I had fallen right into what could have been a dangerous situation. Fortunately, I never felt threatened and he was still a gentleman when I declined his offers and the last I remember was him politely opening the door and waving goodbye in the nude...

I was so disappointed as he was such a nice man, but not the lifestyle I was looking for.
After that I became much more attuned to hidden meanings in profiles and in some cases have asked outright before agreeing to meet. Anyone who says their father is a vicar is now under suspicion.....

Posted by: patience at May 26, 2007 12:21 AM

There are so many variables to consider here:

1. INSIGHT: Is this meeting the first opportunity for you and your date or have you had prior exchange of conversation?

2. ATTRACTION: Do you know what the other person looks like? If you had the idea, is he/she your type or are you merely curious?

3. ENVIRONMENT: Is this a dinner date, coffee, lunch, party or just a walk in the park?

4. MOOD: Are you going because this is the only time? Are you meeting him/her just because you're bored, curious or in an exploration mode?

5. TIMING: When did you have your last date/relationship? Did you just break up? On a rebound?

6. MINDSET: Are you ready to date? Do you still have some issues (trust, anger, revenge - from previous relationship)? What do you want to get out of it? What are you looking for?

7. VALUES/ETHICS/CHARACTER: We are all looking for different things.

8. EXPECTATIONS: Some of us have mental tick sheets, look for the worst rather than the good points (or vice versa), comparison sheets or just let things happen attitude.

I'm sure there's more. When I first started the online experience, my heart wasn't into it (maybe because my friend enrolled me). I just wanted to know what dating was all about as I know very little about it (was in two long-term relationships). Making friends made this medium more appealing. Then I met someone who I thought was "the one" and got disappointed. There's a few who can't stop talking about their exes, some men who have very different description compared to their profiles and a lot of guys just wanting sexual encounters. That's when I decided to be cautious and always explain in the outset that there should be no expectations.

First dates will always be memorable whether it's great or not: physical attraction and/or chemistry being the meter if there would be a next one. Of course, one single date won't be enough to know a person's lifetime experience or his/her true personality. But surely by the third date, one should have an idea of what to do. Bottom line is, things should be relaxed. It helps when people are honest from the beginning (photos, profiles, info, etc) and when one is just being his/her true selves - no pretenses. After all, dating is not a show nor should it be a game.... the purpose of it is to get to know each other (no demands) if one is really interested.

Posted by: Hotcocoa15 at May 25, 2007 10:08 PM

I think you absolutely do know from the get go if that person is right for you.

It may not be love at first sight but I am a believer in chemistry and "clicking" with one another. If it needs 3/4 dates to click, are you sure you're actually clicking and not brute-forcing things together? (silly analogy but you get my drift)

Posted by: soleilnoir at May 25, 2007 8:35 PM

I have had contact via emails with a few guys that portray this absolute knight in shining armour and I think "wow, he sounds too good to be true" and I am usually right.
I meet him for a coffee and even have dinner or catch a movie (meaning 2nd & 3rd date). I have noticed that in that time they go from being a knight in shining armour to a complete selfish, self absorbed *@$).#.
Then there are the guys that leave no impression on that 1st date, a glimmer on the 2nd - enough to entice a 3rd meeting and on that 3rd date - a lovely guy. It is certainly nerves all round. If he portrays 3 different people in 3 dates then I am sure I do too. If there is something there, we subconsciously decide on another date after that and its smooth sailing with us looking back and laughing at how stupid we acted initially.

Give it a 'chance'. It won't blossom if you don't, unless of course you are one of those that doesn't intend to in the first place.

Posted by: Angel at May 25, 2007 8:27 PM

Ooops. I hit post a little soon.

Of course if things are not going well and you are not enjoying yourself, no need to prolong the pain :)

Posted by: stoic at May 25, 2007 6:04 PM

Nicely said, Gypsy.

I too, am loathe to make a decision based on one meeting, unless it is painfully obvious there is something not right with them.

Hence my philosophy to keep meeting people and going out with them and as long we are having good times when we go out, to keep going out with them and just see what happens.

Posted by: stoic at May 25, 2007 6:01 PM

I am glad that you say that it takes 3 dates on average for couples to click, because if I decide to meet someone (except if they are totally loopy) I will try and date them for at least 3 or 4 times to see if it is going to work out.

I find it disconcerting when I am judged on a quick cup of coffee!!! There have been times when I thought that there was no magic but as time develops so does the magic.This of course does not mean that it will lead to happy ever after or I wouldn't be on RSVP!

Posted by: Gypsy (not my rsvp name) at May 25, 2007 5:18 PM

I have only dated one girl from RSVP. We only had 2 dates and she decided that we didn't click while I thought things were going okay. Seems like the statistics are in my favour with that one lol. Maybe a bit more time would have been beneficial. Oh well, maybe my next one will be much better.

The most crazy 'first date' from someone I met on the Internet involved me traveling for 36 hours on various planes. The date effectively started in a lost baggage claim section of an Ohio airport lol. It ended in a long drive through southern Ohio. Now before anyone gets any ideas, we had been corresponding for more than a year before we met and no, i didn't meet her on any dating site.

Posted by: Shigui at May 25, 2007 5:10 PM