RSVP Blog

Woodnwine:

No I didn't go to the movies on Saturday night.

We have never corresponded or sent each other kisses. I think you asked me that on another blog, but I can't find the thread.We live 2000 kms apart.

I agree with you about the first meeting , but I guess it could be called date zero as possible romance is the intent.

I met someone for a drink recently and as it turned out he was hungry and ordered a meal . I wasn't eating and I didnt mind at all, I just sat on my one drink while we talked and he ate. He also had 2 wines and a coffee.
After spending an hour with him and enjoying his company, I politely ended the night & excused myself. As I got up to leave he asked me for $5 to cover the cost of my one drink.
Needless to say date zero didnt ever get to date 1.

Its not about the money.
Psychobabble

Posted by: at September 13, 2007 10:15 PM

@ decoratress your post Sep 9 6:34 PM...Regarding your dilemna. Send her an email, but get a man to pay for the stamps! We wouldnt expect YOU to pay! ha ha

Posted by: getReal at September 13, 2007 12:52 PM

psychobabble - Yes, you got under my skin with your outdated attitudes. Someone pointed out to me today that perhaps I view the stamp issue the way I do because I got financially ripped off by a woman so for me it is a matter of principal. Sorry, too many people viewed my profile so your image would be long gone. Did you go to the movies on Saturday night by any chance? Flags are good, words are better.

The situation remains that I am currently fed up with the games people play on this site and will remain withdrawn, just tidying up loose ends at present.

Posted by: woodnwine at September 9, 2007 10:21 PM

I've a dilemma (which also relates to the EncouragementKiss blog topic)

As a matter of general interest, I was looking at profiles of other women around my age & saw a profile I admired. I sent her a kiss saying I really loved what she had said.... I assumed she would take it as a simple compliment- she lives in another State, our interests are worlds apart & my profile states I'm not looking for a pen-pal.
However, she sent the response "is interested & looking forward to receiving your email..."

I feel rude not emailing her, but never intended to spend money or initiate contact...

Do I not reply?
Or do I waste a stamp to explain that I'm not interested in communicating further....?

love&peace
decoratress

Posted by: decoratress at September 9, 2007 6:34 PM

yeah, may hurt your dignity, but as a business owner, it shouldn't hurt your pocket, or dont say you own a business, just say 'employed'... lol.
hay, my accountant got to claim it as an business expense (stamps for envelopes) some women are like envelopes... just need a good licking.
cheers man... enjoy the tax break.
just like to add... i got 12 stamps, and this total babe sent me a kiss...i'd pay what ever to talk to her... think of it as $75 to meet 1 nice person and you get make 11 error's... doubt your business is that forgiving... then again you did mention stamps being expensive.
I have 11 spare stamps... ya want them?

cheers

Posted by: g00glesBACK at September 9, 2007 2:10 AM

I took my profile off this medium as obviously I was not the type of woman any man wanted that I had kissed. I would say quite a few chaps that I had kissed sent replies back that they were corresponding with someone else but lo and behold they are ALL in the top 100 STILL!! When I kissed them I didn't know the top 100 existed. I really don't get it. This is not sour grapes just very interesting. I consider myself to be extremely good looking (but I am not photogenic, as are most people unless you are a supermodel). When I go out I am always approached, lovely men, but just not my type. Maybe my profile was just tooo blunt and straight to the point to what I was looking for in a partner and by the way everyone I was looking for a friend, since when do I have to be "perfect" to be a friend or penpal. There are alot of players out there who underneath it all are very insecure people and they should look into themselves more than looking at a computer screen. Best of luck everyone, you are gonna need it.

Posted by: valentinacat at September 8, 2007 4:12 PM

Hi,

I took my profile off RSVP for this very reason. Not only does it hurt your pocket to send a stamp, it also hurts your dignity to be ignored. Sometimes even after someone has responded positively to your kiss.

Today I decided to poke my head in on a whim and can possible add this suggestion.

When someone receives an email from someone the email can contain all the profile information. At the bottom there could be a click box with the following options.
Click (optionA) if you wish to respond to this persons email.
or
Click (option B) if you do not wish to respond. The senders stamp will then be refunded.

Of course rsvp would have to figure out how to screen out any identifying emails/phone numbers etc, otherwise people could circumvent the stamp system altogether. RSVP would also need to check their database to see if the receiver had previously responded positively to a kiss. If they hadn't responded to a kiss, or responded negatively then clearly the stamp shouldn't get refunded.

Sadly, the anonymous nature of the net makes it easy for people to ignore the feelings of others.

And RSVP, if your going to make the stamps so expensive you had better provide either longer expiration times, or allow single stamps to be purchased. Theres nothing more annoying than being forced to buy a book of 6 stamps to contact one person and then find yourself stuck with the remaining 5. If you find love you don't care but if you don't then you find yourself shot gun firing those emails off because you have to.

Regards
GetTheLook

Posted by: getthelook at September 7, 2007 4:32 PM

I think that non replies to kisses are rude but it could also mean that the person is not a person but a bot. Otherwise I think that the person could be a player wanting to collect the kisses and keeping a long list of potentials.

Posted by: Mookle at September 7, 2007 3:12 PM

I say GET RID OF THE STAMPS. I think a monthly perscription or someother way of paying would be better. Then it does not cost you anything to get no replies. I met someone on this site and chose to persue it while I still had 3 stamps in the bank after a month it did not workout. Goodbye 3 stamps. Ouch that hurt.

Posted by: SmackThat1970 at September 7, 2007 2:51 PM

Why do men say they are interested in the kiss you sent them and are going to buy stamps to email you and then dont??!!...how stupid is that..why play games!!!

Posted by: pixiemagic at September 7, 2007 2:43 PM

This is all very interesting...I try to reply to all the kisses I get and some of them are rejections, however, some do not take the hint, i even get 3-4 kisses from the same person (and i keep rejecting them by replying to their kiss with flattered but does not match profile blah blah blah) eventually get email from them asking WHY our profiles dont match, obviously i'm not interested...so i actually think a no response is better than being stalked!!!!

Posted by: anon at September 7, 2007 2:29 PM

Woodnwine, I've been reading your posts today and it sounds like you've had some experiences and are thoroughly fed up. Look - fair enough. But I'd urge you to stop looking at "women" as a whole. What do women in their 40s want from a man? Hell, I'm a woman in my 40s and *I* can't answer that! I can only tell you what I want; I can't speak for any other woman and REFUSE to let any other woman speak for me. So what it boils down to is probably what it's ALWAYS been down to, since time immemorial: finding the individual who wants what you have to offer in your own individual and inimitable combination.

But back to topic: always replying to kiss is standard practice for me, even though the prefab answers are either a) naff or b) rude, and it's so simple to do that I can't understand guys who don't reply. Are they in SUCH demand? But hey - it's part of the territory and because it's equally simple to do, the guys who don't reply are thereafter blocked or ignored. Not answering an e-mail after inviting one, however... GRRRRAAAAAHHH! I'd love a ratings system that'd show these kinds of people up.

Posted by: PrettyAsYou at September 7, 2007 1:51 PM

woodnwine at September 6...

When we find the right person, they'll be stunning to us, & us to them... no matter what they look like.

Good Luck to EVERYONE- that's what I say- we all deserve to be happy!

love&letslookdeep (goddamit, let's look EVERYWHERE!)
decoratress

Posted by: decoratress at September 7, 2007 1:43 PM

thefotografer at September 5...

The Top100 is about how many replies you send- it's based on courtesy as much as numbers.

What a shame you didn't bother responding to the (obviously) well mannered lady who asked you to email her... as you send so many, it seems odd you wouldn't take a chance on someone so attractive? She may have been the one you're seeking?

Perhaps you could've sent a kiss saying you were waiting for HER email if you were unsure how serious she was re your contact? If she was keen, she may have spent the stamp?

As far as I know, there's no prize for top spot (other than an ego-trip!)
I've also heard people send multiple kisses in order to receive as many responses as possible- thus pushing themselves up the ladder- thus making themselves more visible (Search Top100 option).

love&clearasmud
decoratress

Posted by: decoratress at September 7, 2007 1:37 PM

It's true! People tell you they are caring, considerate and respectful of other people and yet when you email or send a kiss they don't even reply. Actions speak much louder than words- so to all those rude, thoughtless people-I hope you reap what you sew.

Posted by: PenPalMe1 at September 7, 2007 1:37 PM

I think some sort of warning to say this person does not reply would be great . I once used 5 stamps without one single reply and I had got back from all the "waiting for an email".I always reply even if I am not interested.

Posted by: Charlie57 at September 7, 2007 12:49 PM

i had been chatting to a guy over the phone, i intented on meeting next week (even planned to have the day off at work), now he simply ignores me, and wont reply or call me, simply because im overweight, this is just pathetic, i am getting discriminated cos the way i look. A simple appology that he all of a sudden doesnt want to know me (prehaps he found someone better), not just ignore me, prehaps there should be a feedback system

Posted by: belbelchic at September 7, 2007 12:39 PM

Hi I am finding the men on this site increasingly frustrating. Everytime I send a kiss lately I get a "have recently started seeing somebody else so am not following up contact (or words to that effect) then why are they still online everyday - and they stay online even after they respond in that way. A little bit of honesty would be so much appreciated - I am extremely honest and I don't think that there is any harm in that. If we couldn't handle the truth we all wouldn't put ourselves out here when rejection is only a click away.

Posted by: crazysexycool25 at September 7, 2007 11:56 AM

I agree with all the rudeness that most of us experience but I think the worst is when you get a reply to your kiss and they are looking forward to your email...then after you spend a stamp emailing them they reply giving you a phone number..you ring and chat for perhaps an hour at your expense and then never hear from them again!!!.

I also absolutely hate the ones that say they have no stamps well hello...just buy some like the rest of us!!.

Also...the ones that say they have just met someone then you see them up there again!!...how weak!!

Posted by: pixiemagic at September 7, 2007 11:25 AM

Hello everyone....WOW these blogs can be pretty harrowing can't they? I have had quite a chuckle reading some of them.

I just wanted to add my two cents worth in the 'separation' conversation. I have been 'separated' for 19 years or so. I have had no reason to get divorced and quite frankly, no real desire to get divorced either. I see my ex at familial gatherings but given that I can count my family on both hands (with fingers to spare) I dont see him often at all. We have nothing in common and all our 'business' has been tidied for well and truly over a decade.

I am not sure I comprhend the importance of whther someone gets divorced or not....perhaps I need enlightenment??

Cheers,
Hells

Posted by: okamhere at September 7, 2007 11:09 AM

If someone passes you on the street and says "good morning", do you reply or ignore them ?
ITS CALLED GOOD MANERS.....
Even the most educated people lack the very basics of human comunication.
I have learnt not to take a non reply personaly, as they are the ones with the problem.
And how do you know a non reply 'is a reply', there is such things as email overload, computers crashing, wrong numbers, out of range mobiles etc etc..
Get a backbone and reply otherwise karmer will bite you in the ass.....

Posted by: eureka1854 at September 7, 2007 10:13 AM

geee !!! ,,,WOODNWINE ,,,I have really got under your skin.

Under all that seeming politeness of yours I sense some simmering passive aggression.

A man who continues to pursue a woman when she says she is not interested is a red flag. Men who ignore a womans boundaries are a concern, the type of men who wont take NO for an answer.

I am concerned you have made light of this.

I am not a princess as you suggest, but a woman with healthy boundaries and a good self esteem. Any man who is interested in me will know that I am interested if the feeling is mutual, because I will give him encouragement within the social norms. But I won't chase him.

If you have that 'trawling
last 10 people viewed ' thing activated, you will see that I have read your profile in the past week. See if you can figure it out.

Your postSeptember 6, 2007 11:13 PM

"No reply after no reply, rejection after rejection, lie after lie. What do women in their 40s want from a man? "

Well I have tried to tell you what women like, but you chose not to listen to my opinion and that is your choice of course. But why are you asking again?

I suspect that if we ever did meet, Woodnwine we may even like each other.

I would certainly be a challenge thats for sure ,and so would you, no doubt. May be thats why you have never met any one on this site, possibly not challenging enough for you Woodnwine. You havent met your match....yet

I am waving the white flag. Lets call a truce.

Deborah:)

Posted by: Psychobabble at September 7, 2007 7:00 AM

Okay, just this very minute it has been proved to me again, that some people send out indiscriminate VKs BUT I STILL DID SEND A REPLY BACK.

A childless, super active male (don't worry, he won't be reading this & it definitely is not a blogger) who would like:

"...to meet a spiritual women mind, body and soul, mentally, physically and emotional, a well balanced individual, who likes to keep active."

Well really...how many strikeouts is that, proving he has not bothered looking at any of my details??? (Read self-deprecation from hereon.)

Let's see now..."spiritual" -I'm agnostic (still don't know whether or not there is a god and I don't read the stars or have the energy to explore alternatives,)

"a well balanced individual" -well honestly, I'm so out of kilt some days I can't help tripping over myself or the foot in my mouth and my sarcastic, low-brow humour.

And I'm amused by his further requirements of,
"likes to keep active"
-gee, golly, gosh & whiz, does my twice weekly hydrotherapy count??

Perhaps final proof of not reading my profile?
He didn't come up in my viewing section. (I've had the same viewer for a day or so.)

...Now would such a clever, literate sort of fella who can't read my details, have the nouse to turn off the recording of his views and therefore not show up on my list?
Or, would he actually have the foresight to have viewed my profile awhile back and thought he remembered my details?

Yes, I understand some women do the same but I'm not a recipient to those approaches so I cannot contribute any experiences for the opposite side.

As for my reply? "...thanks you for your Kiss. She is flattered by your interest, but notes that your profile does not match his/her ideal partner profile..." etc, etc.

*Sigh* vent over. I'll go and make a cuppa tea and take all my little aches and pains to bed.

And I'll definitely be thinking with a smile, of the positive blogs and approaches I have been fortunate enough to read and receive so far. : )

Posted by: OrnamentalOnly at September 7, 2007 2:01 AM

No reply after no reply, rejection after rejection, lie after lie. What do women in their 40s want from a man? Obviously too much! It shouldn't be this hard to meet someone but it is! Too hard for me though so good luck all you beautiful, gorgeous, stunning, perfect people and commiserations to all you average people.

Posted by: woodnwine at September 6, 2007 11:13 PM

Re: my own blog September 1...

My way of dealing with 'no reply' was to say something, even though it meant using a stamp. I like to be direct, & admit to feeling satisfaction in disconcerting someone who has assumed their rudeness won't be questioned... in my case they were wrong.

I'm pleased to report that my straightforward approach resulted in a very gracious apology & the promise'v a longer reply soon.....

Whether the reply arrives or not is irrelevant to me- I simply hope that next time, this man may think twice before inviting an email he's too busy to respond to. Somewhere down the track it may save another woman a wasted stamp she can ill afford.

To be honest, if he does email me again, I'll probably not respond... just to drive the message home. After all, it's cost him nothing, & his lack'v manners blew it for me anyway.

love&mannersmakethman
please, thank you & goodnight all....
decoratress

Posted by: decoratress at September 6, 2007 1:52 AM

Newbie, newbie, newbie!!! If someone asked you a question would you just walk off without answering. Or if you aske someone a question would you like it if they just walked off without answering. Manners cost nothing. Replying does not take much time at all. As for people who say they waiting for your email yet then when you send one you get no reply. Waste of a stamp. RSVP should either refund your stamp. Maybe even cancel the other parties membership for a week or 2. Or better still take one of their stamps and give it to you. But usually those types of people are the ones that have no intention of purchasing any stamps in the first place. While i am at it. Hey RSVP how about taking off this stupid restriction for when you have to use your stamps by. Am sick of them expiring. Is it just me fellow would be daters???? Will step down off my soapbox now and let someone else have a go.

Posted by: bradbaby at September 5, 2007 5:40 PM

I''ve sent kisses to men i thought i might like to get to know but got no reply so i've figured they are rude and can't be bothered replying even to say that they are flattered but wish me luck, at least they replied but those men who i use a stamp i received as a gift ie a birthay stamp and who don't reply are really rude. I mean a stamp at any price is valuable and i've wasted one or two on idiots who have not replied so i keep e-mailing them for the month that it's valid just to remind them that i'm out there. Now i have the problem, i've used up my three kisses on a nice person, who i wouldn't mind getting to know and can't tell him as i have no stamps left and as for getting the stamps... the problem for me now is getting through on the phone to purchase them.....and i don't want to let this person "pass me by"......

Posted by: whitelilly75 at September 5, 2007 4:47 PM

SeraphSuzie - nice to hear a woman speak up for seperated people. Many people have been seperated for years and just don't see the need to spend the $400 to get the divorce unless they want to re-marry. The important thing is the financial seperation, after that it's just paperwork. If two people live apart and have a signed court order then they can hardly be regarded as married.

Posted by: woodnwine at September 5, 2007 3:28 PM

SeraphSuzie(Sept 4; 7.50 pm)

Good question: you ask if people who are separated should date?

Whilst there are both men and women that have been separated for over a year and in some case years and have been emotionally out of the marriage for ages... It takes time to get over the trauma, the love, the hate, the guilt, the ex-in-laws,the parents, the bestman... ad nauseum..the list goes on and on.

The healthiest way to be whole and make sure you don't repeat the whole thing all over again is to wait at least a full year after the divorce before you begin dating again. This is irrespective of who actually did the leaving or even if it was mutual.

This gives you the time to know that you can live on your own and also gives you the space to figure out how what seemed so right could go so wrong, so that you don't have to feel guilty about it any more or worry that it could happen again.

So many of my clients leave one relationship, whether through death or divorce, and rather than feel the pain and deal with it, they fill up the hole they are experiencing with someone else too quickly.This rarely works and is often a rebound or transitional relationship.

If you look inward and take the time to allow emotional growth you will emerge with confidence & your equilibrium back, and you will be your best self ready to make healthy choices for yourself.

As for myself, I want a long term relationship and I would like to get married again and I am not prepared to waste time on men that are not emotionally available for whatever reason. if someone has been separated for years without divorcing, there is a reason for it and it is usually some form of unconscious attachment with an inability to let go completely.

The following are all different ways of saying 'still married'

~separated
~staying together for the sake of the kids
~living together for the sake of the kids
~living like brother and sister
~can't afford to live separately right now
~too much of a hassle to do the paper work

Whatever... you get the idea.

Walking away from a long term committment is very hard, but using someone else to ease you out emotionally is not fair on any one involved, especially yourself.

Of course I would never tell any one not to date as it is personal choice, but I personally would not date someone who is separated.

The law also views the marriage partner as the next-of-kin despite the enstrangement, so you could live with someone for years but the "wife" has all the legal rights.

If I did meet a guy I liked who was separated, I would let him know that I would be interested in dating him when his divorce is final and for him to please let me know.

Posted by: Psychobabble at September 5, 2007 2:25 PM

Hi All,

I am with you SeraphSuzie, dont understand the whole issue with separation. I have been separated for 17 years now and have no ambition to get back together - hell, I haven't even communicated with my ex for over 10 years!!

If I were to decide marriage is for me again, then I would do something about it, but not looking at that option (that doesn't mean I cant commit either) because (to me) it has little relevance in this day and age.

Anyway, back to the topic of conversation - a brush off is a brush off whether communicated or not.

This may sound sexist guys, but it is a lot harder for women because I think that there are far more aggressive, strange guys out there than women and they should be far more careful and selective in screening their Kisses and Emails. The problem is that these type of people dont realise just how creepy they are - but you should get some idea because you write 3 page emails!!

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at September 5, 2007 10:58 AM

I would just like to thank the members for their many comments on this blog.
particularly the one about the top one hundred and why it is so.
Seeing that I am a frenetic sender of stamps and kisses and never feature on the top 100 it made me realise how many you must receive and send to get on the top 100.
It also saved me a stamp because I had a reply from a lovely looking woman asking for an email,then I checked the top 100,she was in the top 20,so I did not send it.She must have racked up hundreds.
Is there a prize for being number one ?
I just wondered because now I will avoid it like the plague.
Thanks again.

Posted by: thefotografer at September 5, 2007 10:09 AM

I have enjoyed the RSVP process. When I didn't receive responses, it helped me to consider my own attitudes and my self value. Does my self esteem rely on internal or external sources. If external ... is that a good thing? The RSVP system all just that, a system. When driving your car, how many seconds should you indicate before you change lanes ... everyone has an experience, everyone has an opinion.

Posted by: smilelaughenjoylife at September 5, 2007 8:05 AM

HELP ANYONE? Im a tad confused with some ladies behavior in regard to chat/emails on here. I ask to chat, they ACCEPT! I burn a stamp, then, after saying how wonderful/funny I sound, during this chat they just bail out!!... No, see you later, gotta go, nice chatting, the house is burning down, nothing! ... Emails politely asking why? have I offended, please explain, get no response??... Wonderful and funny one minute, not worth a reply the next!! ...OR after ACCEPTING my request to chat, it takes minutes waiting for their responses!... Im the original 2 fingered snail when it comes to typeing, but these people make me look fast!... Yes, mothers, family, multitasking? etc I can understand, however it is rude to keep a person waiting 5-8 minutes for such simple replies. .Give me the telephone anyday!... If you are too busy to chat, DONT ACCEPT-EASY AND POLITE......AND.....dont say I look forward to your email, IF YOU DONT!!!.. I dont wish to waste a stamp,just to pad your ego, that could have gone to someone more deserving. ..AND who kisses who first uses the stamp!!! ...Why? Firstly, many of us here are divorced etc, burnt maybe$$$ (dont whinge,thank the sisterhood!) Secondly,just because im the man? I dont even know you! Men,Women, it doesnt matter....You kiss me/you pay!.. I kiss you/I pay- savvy? ...Now dont start giving me crap about chivalry, not being a gentlemen or being a cheapskate etc Fact is, we are all equal here! ...Just the way you like it!... Dont worry, I still open doors for you, treat you with respect and if in love, will adore you... I dont expect you,to walk behind, or me to follow, side by side, hand in hand will do nicely thank you very much!... Geez im sounding snaggy, hardly befitting my black tee shirt and handyways. IMANENIGMA

Posted by: imanenigma at September 5, 2007 12:37 AM

It leaves me puzzled when guys send me a kiss, and I reply that I am interested in them messaging me...and then ...nothing happens. I wonder if I am meant to message them? But I figure that if you send someone a kiss it means you are interested and willing to take the next step toward having a conversation with them. If you're not...errm...why bother with sending the kiss in the first place?

I was trying to imagine what this might equate to in the real world..perhaps approaching someone and saying "would you like a drink?", then when they say yes, you say nothing and walk away. It's not so much rude, as just plain odd.

I really don't get why this happens as often as it seems to? But I guess I'll live. :)

Naamah3

Posted by: naamah3 at September 5, 2007 12:09 AM

Psychobabble (the imposter not the real one)- It appears you don't appreciate "men who send me a kiss, I reply "not interested" and a while later they send ANOTHER kiss.

~~ ditto above, then they even send an email ! when I have already said no to a kiss. They get deleted without a response I am afraid.

There are some men that I was curious to hear from... they sent the kiss. I respond "that I am interested in knowing more about them" I never ask for an email outright as i think it is a little presumptious.

However some emails I receive are 2-3 pages long and quite boring to read, probably a form letter prepasted and this puts me off. Some of these I dont reply to I confess."

Maybe they thought you were an adorable little princess and wanted to be pursued?

Posted by: woodnwine at September 4, 2007 10:11 PM

Well RSVP there's enough comment here to suggest some action on this no reply business. I used up my last stamp on someone who sounded really nice, well I know now that she isnt & I'd like to tell everyone her name but then that's being petty. Best to move on.

Posted by: Incurable 2007 at September 4, 2007 9:51 PM

Newbie Aug 30
there is a difference between the idea of "if you can't say something nice say nothing at all" in the context of strangers or general social interaction and in the context of personal relationships.
In the social setting it may serve you well and you will be seen as a 'nice person' (although not if you don't answer your mail)
However when it comes to your personal relationship to take that attitude means that you may have issues with confrontation and assertiveness. Ideally to be truly happy and content you must learn to be able to negotiate problems and confront behaviours or issues (to a staisfactory outcome for both partners) which arise in a relationship which cause you difficulty. If you don't you will end up a doormat or in power struggles of a bad kind and unhappy.
A couple of days is enough to wait for a response before moving on unless you realise theperson has not been online.

Posted by: whatididforlove at September 4, 2007 9:14 PM

Ah...these profiles that describe themselves as honest, considerate and reliable.

I have recently rejoined RSVP after some bad experiences last year and earlier this year. I had received several 'looking forward to receiving your email' responses. However, none of my emails were responded too; in 3 out of 5 occasions the other party had even initiated the 'kiss'. So...wasted stamps. But the thought crossed my mind that these may have been RSVP dummy profiles designed to solicit stamp purchases from boofheads like me. My profile was inoffensive and my email content polite and courteous so I do know that it was not what I wrote. Surely there cannot be so many ignoramuses out there who just don't reply to solicited email contacts? Perhaps there is. As one writer above put it, perhaps it is a blessing in disguise that there were no replies!

I write this as I forlornly await a return email from a profile that was, allegedly, 'looking forward to receivng [my] email!

Yep...I'm a glutton for punishment.

Posted by: EnglishTeacher at September 4, 2007 9:11 PM

I sent a naff young bloke a kiss. He replied he was looking forward to my email. I ummed and arggghed about purchasing stamps for one contact. I decided I had nothing to lose (cept for $54). I emailed him, and he then responded telling me (This isn't verbatim, my memory isn't what it used to be) ... "After re reading your profile and email I note you're not whom I'm looking for". Perhaps it's my written style that is too offbeat? He did say he was sorry to disapoint me! lolol How sweet. I'll try not to cry myself to sleep. I am wishing I hadn't spent the dosh on the stamp as I'm not seeing a lot of profiles at the minute that I'd be really interested in mailing! Does RSVP do refunds? ;o)

Posted by: thentherewasme at September 4, 2007 8:29 PM

Well I'm not sure I have anything to add that hasn't already been said several times before...Yes, it is incredibly rude to just not reply to a kiss. My gripe is when you send a kiss and you get the "Your profile does not match their ideal partner criteria" reply. The past few kiss replies i received saying that, nowhere in their ideal partner criteria did I not match. It just seems to me that you might as well be honest, if my profile didn't catch your eye, or you just don't think for whatever reason we'd hit it off I'd rather hear that. Am I alone in that view?

Posted by: Megaman2007 at September 4, 2007 8:28 PM

Psychobabble.. just curious.. if a woman is seperated do you think that she should not be dating? I am not sure why you would not date a seperated man for? Some people you know are seperated for years before divorcing, and not because they hope to get back with their ex but maybe just because it was such a hassle. I was seperated for quite a few years and dated during this time before divorcing to marry my second husband. Just a thought :-)

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at September 4, 2007 7:50 PM

Well- it just happened to me for the first time...

I sent a kiss, he sent the reply 'interested & waiting for your email', I sent an email........no reply.

The contact period expired, & having forgotten about him, I only realised this when I checked my contact history the other day.

I'm a gemini- I like to have a voice.
I'm a blogger- I know this is a contentious issue.
I have manners- I was brought up that way & understand why we need them.
I'm curious- as to why others don't....

This is how I dealt with it-

I used a free survey stamp to send a helpful email to this guy- I'm a helpful kinda girl...
I told him I'd gone back to his profile & yes, I was right... in the long list'v his delightful attributes- 'courteous' was missing. But that open, direct, honest, compassionate, & genuine were there....
I suggesed that if he were any one of those things he would have been courteous enough to let me know the status quo.
I told him the general view on the blogs was that non-replies were considered rude & arrogant.
I pointed out (in case he wasn't smart enough to think that far) that I'd spent money to send an email at his request.
I suggested that the response "thanks for the email, & sorry but I don't believe we would hit it off" would be perfectly adequate- & that taking 2minutes to send it was well within anyone's capabilities.

Of course, I signed off 'love&peace'... but did add that he shouldn't feel special because I say that to everyone...

He may not be 'open' enough to hear what I was saying.... one can lead a horse to water etc. but at the end of the day it's his own loss if he's a rude prick (ha ha, sorry- couldn't help it!)

uptoolate...
manners are an everyday way of showing respect for others.

love&peace2eventhediscourteous
decoratress

Posted by: decoratress at September 1, 2007 10:15 AM

I agree with most people here, that replying is better than not replying to kisses. To me it is really to do with the uncertainty factor. For those of you who seem to be pushing for silence, well how much silence is to be considered silence? Maybe not everybody here wishes to keep checking their emails in hope that someone replies, for weeks on end, thinking and wondering about that person? It is far better to know ASAP, I would have thought that quite logical. I also believe there is even less of an excuse not to reply unfavourably, in cyberspace than in real life. It is far easier to say no to someone with two mouse clicks than actually having to articulate it to them face to face.

On another note, I don't think RSVP can realistically set policies that impose too many restrictions on human behaviour, because in the end, rude people are going to be rude, either in cyberspace or real life. We really will get ignored and hurt no matter what. The only thing I can suggest is they lower their prices and or at least stop them from creeping upwards, as they have done in the past few years/months (not sure). Then, we can at least just get our feelings hurt and not have a lot of our money wasted on top of that (regarding unreplied to emails). Think about it: in real life, if we spend money on a drink/movie/whatever we at least get the satisfaction of that product, as well as the opportunity to share it with someone we are interested in. With an RSVP stamp, we get no other utility whatsoever out of sending one unless the person on the other end of the line follows through and gives us a chance. I don't think such a thing should be so costly, and neither do I believe stamps should expire at all. That just encourages using them too quickly on the wrong people, thus wasting our time and theirs.

Posted by: CD1983 at August 31, 2007 2:00 PM

Newbie- post 30 Aug
8:10 pm

I agree with what you say. Silence says it all and why should we try and force someone to reply any way.

I do not reply to all the kisses sent to me, in particular those men that choose to ignore my requests on my profile.

As follows:
~~ men who are attached/married

~~separated men ( still married)

~~ smokers

~~ outside my age requests

~~men who send me a kiss, I reply "not interested" and a while later they send ANOTHER kiss.

~~ ditto above, then they even send an email ! when I have already said no to a kiss. They get deleted without a response I am afraid.

There are some men that I was curious to hear from... they sent the kiss. I respond "that I am interested in knowing more about them" I never ask for an email outright as i think it is a little presumptious.

However some emails I receive are 2-3 pages long and quite boring to read, probably a form letter prepasted and this puts me off. Some of these I dont reply to I confess.

There are always two sides to every story.

Posted by: Psychobabble at August 31, 2007 1:16 PM

I am a new female member of RSVP. I have replied to all kisses I have received and not received one response from the several I have sent to men. To say the least I am disappointed by the lack of manners. Come on guys lift your game!

Posted by: Treasure17 at August 31, 2007 12:37 AM

I am a little confused. I have been taught that if you have negative news to tell then you don't tell at all, just stay silent is kinder, more subtle and more polite. But a lot of you bloggers are saying that is rude. How come? i don't understand it. How come rejecting someone is kinder and more polite? Can someone please explain to me?

Also, I personally think that if you contact a member that is reasonably active and they don't respond after they have logged on then i think you can assume that they are not interersted. But what about the ones that don't log on often? Any idea? How long should i wait before i can assume they are not interested?

Newbie

Posted by: at August 30, 2007 8:10 PM

the RSVP quote at the top of this blog ".... we can not force members to reply as the human factor is outside of our control."
that is an outright lie. It would be reasonable simple to programmatically ensure people can have no further communication on this site until they clear outstanding contacts.
But no, that might deny RSVP some revenue...so we arent likely to see that.

Posted by: GetReal at August 29, 2007 11:12 PM

rainbowsendb

this is just comman bad manners. Get used to it. you'll see a lot of that here.

Posted by: getReal at August 22, 2007 11:45 AM

O.K. you contact someone, you email back and forth, even chat on the phone, but don't yet exchange surnames or any other information, everthing is going along fine, contact everyday, then suddenly nothing, dead silence. What does a person do there, you have no way of knowing what as happened to that person. This as happened to me in the lasat week and I am worried about this persons wellfare, can RSVP help me?

Posted by: rainbowsendb at August 20, 2007 1:23 PM

a question and/or a request, i recently recieved a kiss and used a stamp to contact that person, the next day i checked to see if the email had been recieved and read, and lo and behold that person has deleted their profile, what an absolute waste of money, how about some form of refund or retribution if that happens? it is rude and thoughtless on the other persons behalf to simply remove their profile after sending a kiss, and what a waste of a kiss that could have been used on someone who may have appreciated it, and the person im am referring to is nugget07, you can check my inbox/outbox yourself if you like to see the kisses and emails sent and and recieved to prove my point

Posted by: magpieman at August 18, 2007 6:21 PM

with regards to wasted emails, i too have used stamps to send emails after getting " looking forward to recieving your email " kiss reply, does anyone else out there think that there are profile plants by rsvp to encourage us to buy stamps in the first place? because i wont spend the money on stamps unless i have someone to send an email to

Posted by: magpieman at August 18, 2007 5:07 PM

You know, im getting sick and tired off sending out RSVP Kisses and not getting a response. For me, it is out of courtesy and respect that if you receive a kiss, please respond. It is otherwise wasting my time and everyone elses time who are truly wanting to find a partner on this site. For those off you who are looking at my profile on a regular basis, if my ideal partner fits you, please send a kiss. If not, move on to the next profile. Also for those gentleman who look at a ladies looks alone and chats to several women at once before making a decision, not nice. Looks are not 100% important - they are to a certain degree - but not everything. And sometimes photos dont always really represent what a person looks like until you see them in person. So please think very carefully and be trufully honest to yourself and to others

Posted by: aimee1975 at August 15, 2007 2:55 AM

DAFF,

What do you mean by "you send a message they block you so you cannot respond"? Do you mean that you send them an uninvited email and then they block you? In that case, what they are politely saying is that they are not interested.

Did you check carefully to make sure that you fall within their ideal partner profile before you sent the email? If you don't fit their requirments then they may think you are deliberately wasting their time. Good luck.

Posted by: at August 9, 2007 7:01 PM

I have instigated contact, used my stamps & the stamp usage has been balanced between men & women.
Some men via these blogs which evolve into friendship & others via the RSVP kiss/email.... that has been disappointing.
I may be generalising but from my experience men who I instigate contact with tend to be lacksidasical in return contact. For me keeping it light with little expectation is manageable. I have been down the track where I hid or deleted my profile when a contact looked like it would develop into something more.... obviously it didn't work out & I am still here :~) now I am purely focused on creating friendships & if something special develops then that is a bonus.

Posted by: TrumansCat at August 9, 2007 12:37 AM

I think it is very rude to not reply to kiss/Emails but it is even worse when after you send a message they block you so you cannot repond

Posted by: DAFF at August 8, 2007 5:10 PM

To reply or not to reply?
For me it�s simple REPLY.

Someone has taken the time to send you a kiss so take the time (5 seconds) to reply via the e-mail it�s not that hard. I can see how to some people a non reply is a reply but not all of us send out kisses by the dozen. Some of us will only send out one because that�s all we are looking for the one true love. This is something RSVP need to see with there stamp buying if I send a e-mail to a person most of us would think that�s a couple of weeks before we may get to a face to face meeting only to find out that it�s not going to work so you try again.

It�s time to listen to your customers RSVP if you buy a gift voucher it�s 12 months standard this should not be any different for RSVP I no about buying more to get longer terms that�s not the point what you are doing is encouraging people to do be dishonest or setting people for heart ache to find out the they have been seeing someone else to get the most out of there money. As with the kiss reply�s there just is not enough reply�s on saying sorry not interested. It�s time to move on this and just one more point in our profile we tell people we are looking for friendship but there are not reply�s for that either.
You have enough people that reply to your blog�s I�em sure if you send them a e-mail saying here are a few options what are your thought�s you will get some very sound advice to better help your customers.

P.S. you cannot force someone to reply and it�s not a good idea to brand people that don�t reply when all they will do is setup a new profile and you start the cycle again.

Good luck all.

Posted by: shyniceguy1 at August 7, 2007 5:05 PM

Can somebody please explain to me the Top 100. I think that is rude. Does it mean they get the most emails and kisses or they buy the most stamps. Anyway I think it is very shallow and egotistical.

Posted by: valentinacat at August 4, 2007 5:03 PM

It should be as simple as automatically disable the possibilty to send a kiss if you have some unreplied one in your mail box.

And you should get your stamp back if your mail is unreplied say after two weeks?

(provided that e-mail didn't give another e-mail adress)

Posted by: not telling! at August 3, 2007 6:09 AM

I agree with so many RSVP'ers on here!! I am so frustrated to have wasted stamps i can ill afford on people who have replied "looking foward to your email" - then NOTHING!! I make an effort to reply to everyone, Its polite. I am actually thinking of pulling my profile i am so fed up - with non-replies.

Posted by: Surfergirl at August 2, 2007 2:56 PM

mswynter,

You are so right. The only men that seems to use RSVP are mentally unstable men. Apart from hearing of stories of disappearances of the guy after some contact i have not heard of any other type of story on RSVP. Let's just hope that they save up some money to visit a professional to fix them selves up instead of hoping the ladies of RSVP to do it for them free of charge.

Posted by: at July 31, 2007 10:21 PM

l guess the main issue here is the lack of politeness out there. A lot of people just don't give a damn, however judging by the consistent theme here, many do. I also think that given the amount of feedback that has been offered up over a period of several weeks, maybe RSVP should attempt to address the problem.Don't know how but there are plenty of suggestions here.
I also feel restricted by the lack of decent replies to kisses if you are not interested in the *kisser*, and also believe that it is polite to reply as politeness is an integral part of my upbringing and it never hurt anyone. (being polite that is...)

Anyway thats my opinion for what its worth.

Posted by: auntykaz at July 31, 2007 8:01 PM

Hi, have only been a member of RSVP for a number of weeks. Would like to comment on replies.
I have sent a few kisses and always had a reply whether positive or not. And kisses I have received I have always responded to. Must admit I haven't as yet bought any stamps. However have received 4 emails and instead of taking the out the senter for a cup of coffee, even if I don't think we have a compatible profile, I insist that I take them out for a meal whether it be luncheon or dinner (at my expense), after all they have gone to their expense of sending an email through RSVP which I appreciate and is only polite.
Perhaps I am old fashioned but that is the way I am.
Cheers

Posted by: merelybrian46 at July 30, 2007 5:45 PM

athousandwords...wouldn't your words be better used to describe yourself in your profile? People are either polite or not.

anon at July 24..if some guy uses his stamps for that purpose then you know he is 'not quite right' in the mental stability stakes so anything abusive he has to say is to be view as the ravings of a lunatic! Always remember that the person writing does not know you or anything about you so never take any negative comments to heart.

Posted by: mswynter at July 29, 2007 12:05 PM

I don't get too fazed when I don't get a reply to my kisses, but I get really annoyed if I get a 'looking forward to your e-mail' reply, use a stamp and then after he sends one reply e-mail you don't hear from the guy again. I only spend a stamp if I have initiated the contact, and this has saved me a lot of money, but come on guys - I'm a big girl now and can take a knock back, I just hate to be left waiting to see if you'll ever get back to me. After all I might miss out on meeting my Mr Right while I'm waiting patiently in good faith for you. I'm not the sort to have a few different guys hanging on the line while I make up my mind which one I'll choose, so I prefer to be in contact with one at a time.

The trouble is knowing how long to wait for a reply before moving on. I kissed one guy who did not respond immediately. No biggy, I just moved on, it was only a kiss after all. Then he responds to my kiss a month later (despite being active on RSVP for that whole month). Was I his last resort? It sure felt that way. I did use a stamp to send him an e-mail explaining that he took too long to respond.

On the flip side, I sent a kiss to a guy who did not respond, but whose profile went off RSVP around the same time. When his profile reappeared some time later I sent another kiss and he responded quickly. There's a lot to be said for people who remove their profiles while they are getting to know another RSVPer - it shows integrity and goes a long way to building trust.

By the way, I'm not having ago at guys in this blog, I know there are plenty of women out there who are also doing he wrong thing - it comes down to being inconsiderate and having bad manners. A big thumbs up to all the great people who are doing the right thing.

Posted by: Fefa63 at July 29, 2007 11:44 AM

I am too frustrated by wasting stamps on guys who ask for an email and then you never hear back and, clearly you can see they have logged on. even after sending a second email to confirm any interest or not, still no reply. I suggest that rsvp could, as a will of good gesture, reinstate a stamp based on a certain criteria. ie. the recipient asked for an email and the sender sent an email. no reply from recipient, a second email was sent to follow up, again no reply and, the member has logged on. given that there are many people who are not really committed it makes it expensive to continuously be wasting stamps.

Posted by: lisajd at July 29, 2007 10:49 AM

Tact with respect to peoples feelings is a great concept - but I'll take direct and honest communication any day. While I recognise that there is a 'heart on the other end' I also assume that the person on the other end appreciates my respect for their time and attention in my prompt reply, one way or the other. I abhor being stuffed around, and tend to assume that others do too.

It's hard enough to read accurately into game playing in a real-life, real-time situation.. Trying to do so over the net, with any number of complications a possible reason for a lack of reply. The person above who suggested that silence is a 'polite no' needs a dictionary.. It is a no, certainly.. But it is far from polite. Down right rude if you ask me.

I've taken to circumventing kisses altogether.. While expensive, if I think someone is worthwhile - I email them directly. This way, there is little reason not to get a response of some sort. And if cost ever became an issue, I'd cease to use RSVP. Appropriate pricing of stamps is their problem - not mine, if they appreciate my business.

Just my 2 cents,

--
KMFDMR

Posted by: KMFDMR at July 28, 2007 7:53 PM

I'm a bit late coming onto this blog but I totally agree with thatalexguy's post (July 11). RSVP should do something to improve the service. I've only been on the site for 3 weeks and I'm already considering taking my profile off, given that not one person I've kissed back has emailed me. Obviously, the stamp system is not working. Eventually, people will become frustrated and leave the system altogether. When that happens, RSVP will no longer be in business. A shake-up is needed. RSVP needs to look at what other countries are doing and emulate the best out there to achieve a win-win for everyone. Given that the same "success story" couple have graced the home page for the last 5 weeks (at least) tells me that this aint working for many of us. To increase the odds, RSVP has to make it easier for people to get in touch. The more we get in touch, the more money they get... it's pretty simple maths. I have lots of single friends who ask me about RSVP and I now tell them not to bother - it's a waste of time as nobody purchases stamps to email!

Posted by: Fed Up at July 28, 2007 4:20 PM

I'm very confused about the RSVP system. Even though I've sent reply kisses to at least 5 guys in the last 3 weeks with the auto-message "looking forward to receiving your email soon", not one person has emailed me! If a guy kisses me first and I'm interested, I will kiss him back. I then expect that he will initiate the emailing. Is this a fair assumption? I don't understand why men bother to send a kiss if they have no intention of starting an email conversation. I'm getting so fed up with it that I'm considering taking my profile down. I don't see the point. Can someone tell me why it all stops after the first kiss?

Posted by: at July 28, 2007 4:00 PM

Have posted this on another blog, but what is the etiquette. Received a kiss, checked the profile, some things didn't match but some did. I don't have a photo on mine bu thought, we'll he has seen the profile and likes what he reads, his photo, plump bald and swathy, but I thought he thinks it might be worth a go, you never know until you chat! Sent him a kiss back and got a kiss back wanting a photo. Hmm. Do I write him off, have no camera, can't download a photo truly beleive beauty is inner (thus my kiss back) No tick box for email me without my photo. Gosh i'm new to all this, seems like maybe its as much of a meat market as the local pub!!! Beleive in manners too, give everyone a go, friends can be made if not partners!

Hopingforthe best

Posted by: at July 28, 2007 12:16 AM

Wish RSVP would just get on and DO something about the issues in this blog topic.

Just kissed a member and got the "you don't fit my profile" response inside a minute later (was flicking the homepage, as you do). *Sigh* must...not...lose...faith. Maybe they should remove that option, it's too open to interpretation.

Posted by: AM1972 at July 24, 2007 5:33 PM

I originally thought replying to kisses and emails is politeness too, that was until i replied to a kiss ("thanks, but no thanks") and immediately got an abuse email from a guy. Good intentions doesn't seem to get you anywhere on this site. So it may be better not to reply if you are not interested and it can save you from some abuse.

Posted by: at July 24, 2007 5:07 PM

hi all,
new to this and first time reader of this blog. i found it all interesting and have thought, on my profile i am going to write... if a kiss is given/received and you/i am not interested please no offence is to be taken on either part if no response is given. How about something like that? (heading to change mine now:-) Feedback positive or negative is welcome. No offense will be taken, grins.

Posted by: athousandwords at July 22, 2007 10:36 AM

I agree after only being on this site for 5 days, many of my kisses and emails have gone unanswered. Even if your not interested it better to say than just leave the person hanging in mid air. Karma will come around!!!

Posted by: LightingStrike at July 21, 2007 10:19 PM

I love the ones that send a reply back waiting for your email - you send and email off the then reply- currenhave just met someone- WOW a lot happens in 40mins.
There is no excuse for not replying with the Auto - reply we are all adults some think the grass is greener on the other side but hey we are all in the same situation either come from a broken marriage or divorce and we are no all perfect as the ones looking on the greenier pasture think they are. To the ones in the 50's have a look at your selfs mate 50+ plus not 20

Posted by: at July 21, 2007 2:13 PM

I was browsing the blogs and found this topic and felt strongly about this and is the most frustrating aspect. You buy stamps, send a kiss, get a reply back, saying they are looking forward to your email soon. So you send a email and you never here from the guy again. Why did he reply with that message in the first place I ask myself again and again. Or you start emailing and then silence? If guys & I no doubt ladies do the same, are not interested why give false messages. I would like to know if someone does not want to respond any further. More out of politness, no we do not like rejection, but it is better than rudness.

Posted by: dknycity at July 20, 2007 10:26 PM

I totally agree with what most are saying. I often get kisses / emails from men who simply havent read my profile....Im pretty clear about my age brackets and yet men way under 20 and way over 40 bother sending me messages....do they think im simply going to change my mind after Ive seen what they look like? RSVP gives us the opportunity to be a little more fussy and ask for exactley what we want from a partner...I find when people are sending kisses / emails not what I asked for - are actually wasting me time

Posted by: han123 at July 20, 2007 11:31 AM

Hi Axmurderer1,
perhaps the reason people don't fill in too many personal particular details is because they are afraid of axe murderers :)

Posted by: Riversong1 at July 19, 2007 10:46 PM

Forget being annoyed/upset or whatever you feel when you do not get a reply to kisses! The best ever is when someone sends you a kiss to say that "they would really like to get to know you better" blah blah and you send them your photo password and you NEVER hear back from them. Trust me I am a very attractive girl, wiht a great profile and who unfortunately happens to be unphotgenic and shy around a camera!!! it;s not like I have 5 heads in the my photo!! Whatever happened to "getting to know me better" P/s Photos can be VERY misleading. Don't jude a book by it's cover or at least get a backbone and some manners and learn to deal with confrontation or the unexpected. Not too wory cos if you can't even do that we wouldn't have worked anyway!! I am going to generalise and say that the majority of the men on this site are so superficial and dishonest. Oh and don't even get me started on those men who I have dated and hide their current profile whilst creating a different one with their photo hidden whist still being with you. Gotta love that honesty!! NOT RECEIVING REPLIES TO KISSES IS THE LEAST OF YOUR WORRIES WHEN USING THIS SITE! GOOD LUCK! May you meet your perfect match.

Posted by: nabasha at July 19, 2007 9:54 PM

I've just joined up in the last couple of days and was a bit excited to have a response straight away without my photo being posted. Imagine my surprise (not!) when my photo does become available and the person gets the password only to vanish off the face of the earth. You think I will give this a go and be truthfull and it still is not enough.

Posted by: scrappygirl76 at July 19, 2007 7:12 PM

Riversong1,

He went to Oxford and Harvard. He earns at least a 7 figure sum a year, has lots of friends and contacts, and is highly respected in his profession. I have never heard a bad word about him from his ex-girlfriends.

Lilyofthevalley

Posted by: at July 19, 2007 5:00 PM

I find it a bit rude when people dont reply no matter what the contact is. If you send and receive kisses or emails, a reponse either way is the polite thing.

Its just unfair when honest people who are actually doing the right thing use up their stamps only to never hear another thing back from that person.

I think RSVP needs a way to monitor this and perhaps if emails arent responded to in their 30 day period, maybe the stamps should be re-credited to the sender in orderto be able to re-use them for thier search...

Posted by: busydad84 at July 19, 2007 11:26 AM

is any man really intersted in a commitment on this site or is it just another way of saying that to get them into bed?

Posted by: menreallysuck at July 18, 2007 6:48 PM

Why do some guys think it should be the ladies who buy he stamps. I'm happy to buy stamps when the occasion arises. But to have men repeatedly send kisses in the hope that the lady will pay for a stamp to contact is just cheapskate. Then what about the ones you meet for a coffee, then refuse to reply to either phone calls or emails, some polite reply via email if not interested would be an honest way to go. We are all here for the same reason, wanting someone to share our life with, some honesty would be good.

Posted by: loveinthesun at July 18, 2007 3:43 PM

Nice idea Iaan2612

Some women have great profiles and it would be nice to be able to tell them so even if you personally have no interest in meeting them. I know I would love to get nice comments like that.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 18, 2007 1:49 PM

Firstly, like seemingly all internet dating sites, the prices on RSVP are ridiculously high. For someone who has had very little interest from females so far, I sure as hell won't be spending such exhorbitant prices on stamps. This site is a rip-off! Surely, RSVP would have more people become paying members if THEY LOWERED THEIR PRICES.

Secondly, I am sick and tired of reading so many superficial bios. So many people seem reluctant to tell anything much about themselves or they fill their bios with boring cliches like "I like to laugh and have a good time" or "family and friends are important to me". HELLOOOOOOO! We all like to laugh and have a good time and family and friends are important to all of us. A little effort and imagination put into bios puh-lease!

Posted by: AxeMurderer1 at July 18, 2007 8:39 AM

Wishingandhoping, I came to a similar conclusion: no reply = weak/gutless/rude = not worth bothering about, cross off.

Not sure which school your "highly educated man" went to, LillyoftheValley, but the manners they taught there were quite different to the ones they taught the rest of us!

Mykindascene - ever thought of password protecting your pic? You'd certainly get less response, but at least you'd know the ones you DID get, didn't just like your photo (and at least could read!)

laan2612, yes, agree, there IS a heart at the other end, so kinder not to string it along for days waiting for a no response :)

HEY, RSVP MODERATORS: Perhaps it would be easier for people to reply if the responses were kinder: "Thank you for your kiss, you seem like a lovely person, but for whatever reason, not quite the one I'm looking for. Good luck and all the best wishes with your search to find someone more compatible." A bit long, I guess, but that's what I meant when I sent my "thanks, but no thanks" responses.

Posted by: Riversong1 at July 18, 2007 12:25 AM

I have also found the number of non-repliers has increased lately. And, just quietly, the number of "what the...?!?" experiences I've had has increased!!!! Hmmm, such strange people out there! I think the cost and expiring of the stamps is appalling and a rort!!!

I have experienced repliers and non-repliers through RSVP and I've had contact with a couple of decent guys and plenty of not so decent ones. Which is no different to all the other ways I meet guys/people. Life is just like that, you know, there are some great people out there and some, lets put it nicely, not so great people. But a few of the above entries have got it right. Coming across people in life that are rude, ignorant, impolite, ungrateful, abusive etc etc is always gonna happen, you can't control other people and how they behave but you can control your own behaviour and choose whether their rudeness/rejection or whatever affects you. I teach my kids that it doesn't matter what someone else's opinion of them is because it doesn't change the truth about who they are. And they are great kids!! Don't allow someone elses behaviour/attitude to affect your self-esteem...that should be based on who YOU are and is nothing to do with anyone else.

I'm not on this site to play games, or to get in the top 100 (don't even know the criteria for it), or to seek revenge on as many males as possible for a bad relationship in the past, I use RSVP as another avenue to meeting guys. I reply to every kiss I receive, but that is my personal choice.

And lastly, as they say in the "kiss reply" section...."she wishes you well in your search"! ;-)

Posted by: missindependant2 at July 17, 2007 1:43 AM

I don't agree with the comments from Lilyofthevalley and Moconna.

Education level doesn't come into it when you are taking about responding to kisses or emails. Is really is pure politeness.

I have noticed that recently there has been a few no replies. One of the problems with society is that there seems to be a lack of care shown to anyone who is a stanger. I make a point of occassionally doing something nice for somebody I don't know for nothing in return - just to see a smile on their face.

Posted by: adventuresperthguy at July 16, 2007 11:45 PM

SIGH

RSVP should make the "desired partner" a filter through which kisses can be authorized.

In other words, a 49 year old guy should not be allowed to "kiss" a woman who lists 30-35 as her desired age range.

This would eliminate a lot of the silly kisses that make it impossible for some people (generally women ) to respond.

Frankly, I don't want a kiss response "no". Generally, I will get "no's" from people who clearly haven't even bothered to read my profile and given the response rate (low), and the number of kisses I can send a day, I'd rather not get a bunch of rejection emails.

What is exceptionally annoying is paying to email somebody (who either may have set the system to refuse kisses or who I feel enough in common with to gamble on the expense) and either get the crappy auto-ticked-box rejection or even worse.

I had one woman block me. BLOCK ME! after sending her a standard nice email saying hello.

I know the drill (forget the rejections and move one) but the lack of any sort of class on this site is absolutly dis-heartening some days.

I can't imagine buying more stamps once these expire.

Posted by: thatguyalex at July 16, 2007 3:40 PM

I've been reading with interest, as I do all the blogs, and thought I share my opinion.

Yes, it is very rude not to reply to an email (except if they're unsolicited), but the kisses I'm not so sure about.

I am always aware that there is a heart on the receiving end of my replies, so I often agonise over what my reply should be. On the other hand, I don't mind not receiving replies to my kisses. It's still an answer of sorts, however occasionally, if the profile really stands out, I'll send another kiss a couple of months later, and have found that the second time around I often do receive a positive reply.

Re the automatic responses, yes, as with other rsvpers, I'd like a message that says something in the order of "You sound like a great person and I appreciate your kiss, but I don't think we would be compatible. Good luck with your search."

I'd also like a kiss out option that says something like "Please don't reply to this kiss. I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed reading your profile. It was very entertaining and I wanted to thank you for making me smile. Good luck in your search"

PS hello to you wonderfully interesting bloggers, male and female. Best of luck to you all.

Posted by: laan2612 at July 15, 2007 11:19 PM

To anonymous July10 and Lily of the valley July14
I would point out that this is personal that is business. I would also be questioning that advice in the business world because it is never good to ignore anyone if you wish to remain successful.
Unless of course the examples you both talk about regarding "silence means no" is when those annoying potential customers just refuse to answer the door and the phone......

Posted by: misswynter at July 15, 2007 5:01 PM

In regards to the pricing/stamps structure, as they say in gambling circles...'the house always wins....'

Regarding profiles, common interests, etc....I still firmly believe every single person on here sees with their eyes, not with their heart.

I mean, how do you respond to someone who sends you a kiss with the message 'thinks you have a great photo....'??

Posted by: MyKindaScene at July 15, 2007 3:30 PM

I have no issue with people not responding to kisses..This is just another way of people letting you know that they are not interested.

What is extremely rude, disappointing & inconsiderate is when you have initiated contact, or someone has expressed their interest in you by virtue of an RSVP kiss; when you respond to this kiss by sending this person an email & they do not reply to your email. To say the least the cost of RSVP stamps are at a premium!!! I think RSVP should have some type of a rebate protocol where they credit you a stamp in these types of circumstance. Obviously, there has to be a set of protocols & guidlines for implementing such a system Eg. No Offensive emails to another RSVP member. I believe this would be a much more fair & equitable exercise.

Posted by: Moconna at July 15, 2007 12:18 PM

A highly educated and experienced man in a prestigeous job once told me that silence = educated and polite "no".

So one suggestion may be that a person's understanding of the meaning of silence and knowing when to move on depends on the person's level of education and their experience in society.

Lilyofthevalley (not my RSVP name)

Posted by: at July 14, 2007 8:07 PM

No reply=no interest=no problem=no idea what they have missed out on.

Forget them fast. Not worth taking up your headspace.

Posted by: Wishingandhoping at July 14, 2007 10:27 AM

To all those wankas who send me a kiss then wait to see if I am a desperate bitch and email them....like crap.
Ladies stop spending money on making the first move on men when they are the ones who are out there to see what they can get out of us without using any of their emotions.

Posted by: name-not telling at July 13, 2007 8:16 PM

Re my recent blog....it got the better of me, I did reply to the kiss!!!

Posted by: junebaby57 at July 13, 2007 7:39 PM

I also think it is important to respond, be polite and use your manners. But are you supposed to reply to a kiss that has come with no message, is from out of my area and out of my profile range, when I have a clear profile on the region I am in???

Doesn't the sender fall into the category of "I wonder if they read my profile" ??? Just wondering!

I do respond to kisses that come with a message, are in the profile range and I always respond to emails.....good or bad, as someone has taken the effort.

Posted by: junebaby57 at July 13, 2007 7:30 PM

After you send a kiss you should get a notice to tell you the possible likely hood of a reply
Something like:
This member replies:
ALWAYS (as it suggests)
OFTEN (greater than 50% chance of them replying)
SOMETIMES (less than 50% chance of them replying)
That way at least you have some idea of your chance of getting a reply.

Posted by: at July 13, 2007 5:01 PM

Having said that, I also believe everyone has their own path to follow and for whatever reasons individuals choose not to reply, in the end, it's really entirely their privilege. They may well be simply being true to who they are in that moment, which is never a reflection on their worth as a human being. That remains invaluable and constant, irrespective of their behaviour.

Posted by: RevealMeMore at July 13, 2007 1:24 PM

I like this member feedback stuff. I agree with Di (22May) - i.e. the safety issue - and Christina (23may) - i.e. people's behaviour is a reflection of their own self-worth and self-respect, or lack of both - so, for me, their lack of response to kisses/emails tells you about the true state of their self-value, irrespective of how their profile reads.
And wouldn't the world be a better place if everyone "Out There" behaved EXACTLY as we would like - but it AIN'T going to happen! It's a VERY difficult thing to do, but I try to self-reflect to remember a time when I've behaved poorly or in the same way as the person I'm criticising. Sometimes that helps.
As a new member, I am pleased to say that I have had very courteous responses so far, and have responded in the most honest way I could, given the choices available on auto-response.
And...F.Y.I. to the non-repliers - The term R.S.V.P. comes from the French expression "r�pondez s'il vous pla�t", meaning "please respond".
Which is �LSO the name of this organisation. Perhaps we could strive to honour that???, if not simply learn the value of common courtesy.
I'm getting off my high horse now!

Posted by: RevealMeMore at July 13, 2007 11:13 AM

I am a tradesman. It's interesting you think being a tradesman doesn't generate much interest. Us tradies work hard and make good money when committed. If that's unattractive, this country is turning more metrosexual than I thought!

As for replying to kisses, my opinion is that nobody should be forced to reply to a kiss as it is a free country. However, it is quite rude not to.

Posted by: kingskid80 at July 11, 2007 11:01 PM

Brendan
I would reply to you I prefer tradies, farmers & traditional blue collar workers especially if they have a brain to boot. What more could you need besides a man who knows how to use his hands as well as his head.... Good luck 2 U. WaggaCountryGirl

Posted by: WaggaCountryGirl at July 11, 2007 8:23 PM

As a Canadian, I was pretty shocked at how weak the options are in Australia.

The stamp expiry (ridiculous). cost (insane), response options (I have seen a few people question the "you don't match my profile" and then looked and can't figure it out - I get that ALL the time and 95% of the time I am within every single one of their desired categories), RSvip (where do I start) and the seemingly endless number of posts by people who have "been on here for years" leads me to wonder if RSVP needs to look at what some of the big sites do well and why they work a lot better than this one.

Posted by: thatguyalex at July 11, 2007 8:08 PM

Only been in this for a very short time but one could easily become disillusioned. seems if you are a non professional eg. a tradesman or double whammy a smoker its tough out there & the usual gutless people who can't reply to a kiss fullstop or give an honest answer. any other tradies thoughts

Posted by: brendan at July 11, 2007 6:53 PM

Dear anonymous July10

I think the reason why it is nice to get replies is so you know when to move on. Lack of replies, combined with the fact that our stamps have a limited life means you never know how many kisses to send out at a time. I remember I had a time when no one replied for ages, then everyone replied at the same time and it was very confusing. If people reply promptly that they are not interested, I am not offended, I just know it is time to try someone else.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 11, 2007 8:23 AM

Have to say I really dont care if I get a kiss reply. I wait a few days and if there is no response I move on.
What I hate is if I have spent the money for a stamp and they have asked for me to email them and they dont respond to that.....That is just wasting my money.
But I guess Im getting used to that. Been on here for about 4 years. Being a full time dad of 6 kids...No one really wants to know me lmao

Posted by: somethingwonderful at July 10, 2007 10:55 PM

I recently joined RSVP and have now noticed these blogs. They are a great read but I don't understand what is the big fuss about people not replying. I work in public relations and from my job training, I understand that silence means "No". It couldn't be a "Yes" as in that case they will come running after us wouldn't they?

I was also trained to understand that silence is also a polite way of saying "No", why do you insist on the receipient expressly telling you that they don;t consider you good enough for him or her. Dones it really feel that good?

Posted by: at July 10, 2007 9:40 PM

If a person buys or sells something on ebay they are required to fill in a feedback form. The reminder of jobs to do such as give feedback comes up whenever you log on.
Maybe a "You have kisses/emails to reply to" reminder should happen whenever a person logs on here.

Posted by: activities please at July 10, 2007 9:01 PM

It would be easier to send a truthfull reply if RSVP had a fuller reply menu such as "I don't think I fit your ideal partner" instead of "you don't fit mine"

Posted by: RockToRollsc at July 10, 2007 4:24 PM

Having had a profile on this site for a number of years, I know there is a lot of "smoke and mirrors" to negotiate. People have their own issues to deal with. If they don't respond to a kiss, it is their problem. There is no point even giving the situation a second thought as more often than not, they will be dealing with the issues of another relationship, and if it is the situation, I do not want to get involved. In addition, we all respond in our own time frames and do not necessarily react according to someone else’s expectations.

I have met some of my best friends through this site, none of whom I would have picked on their profile or photo (my luck). One response came three months later because the person was simply away. He ended up being a dear friend and still is today, a few years on. (Nobody got upset about the initial lack of manners!). Because of this, I will always meet with someone once the contact and request has been made, however, I get very annoyed when people do not bother to read my profile, send a kiss and then expect a polite response – politeness works both ways.

Posted by: yourgirl58 at July 10, 2007 12:42 AM

People who aren't polite enough to respond to kisses or emails? Understanding a little more why they are still single!!

Posted by: thatgirlfrom rsvp at July 9, 2007 8:41 PM

I agree with the others who've suggested a rating system - where if someone doesn't reply to a kiss they are given a mark against their username to show others that this person isn't responsible or adult enough (they of course would be able to get the mark removed if they provided RSVP with a reasonable explanation). I personally think its time RSVP listened to the users and took some positive action. I understand people will simply take another profile and redo it but it may work in the long term if given careful consideration. I also think you could collect a lot of gold "hearts" (or something similar) if you have responded to all kisses and all e-mails. Its a way of deterring people from taking new profiles (sort of like the ebay feedback thing). This would be helpful to users by giving an indication that this person is a responsible and responsive member.
Its a great idea and I sincerely hope that RSVP considers it seriously. I am also extremely upset and confounded as to the lack of responses...why on earth do people bother to kiss you if they have no real intention of following through? Out of over 200 kisses I have only had 2 e-mails after responding positively to a kiss.

Posted by: Dissapointedwithexperience at July 9, 2007 8:00 PM

It is the height of rudeness not to reply. I can take the brush off - a thanks but no thanks wont send me into a tailspin, but i find it infuriating to respond with an email which they have requested you do, only to hear NOTHING!! The best one was the guy who said i will catch you for coffee in the week leading up to Easter, well surprise surprise im still waiting for the call Mr!!!

Posted by: seachangems at July 9, 2007 6:31 PM

Its great to get an email and I am about par with the number received and the number I've sent. But what do you make of someone who send you a kiss,to which I replied positively then he sent me another kiss saying he was buying stamps to send me an email. Hope you are not waiting till next pay day! If you read these blogs why don't you "Talktome" and explain your timeframe.
Am curious to the male line of thought.

Posted by: blueeyes1955 at July 9, 2007 5:07 PM

I say yes in my experience the number of non-replies has increased greatly over the last couple of months.

We don't need this type of member!

Posted by: likefinewine at July 9, 2007 10:31 AM

I have read most of what is on here and I'm amazed I have found people to have thoughts similar to me in relation to complaints. I recently requested an explanation as to why stamps have to have an expiry date. The answer basically is that this is the way RSVP wish to run their business. I agree with others too that there seems to be a lack of either compassion or politeness when it comes to replying. On a dating site as this one, one problem is that people fall into the trap of thinking that there is always someone "better" because of the number of members on the database. This is only human nature. On a positive, using RSVP can be cheaper to meet people than say, those dinner for six things as long as RSVP does away with the stamp expiry.

Posted by: Fairwayman at July 7, 2007 7:51 PM

What about a replies pending number on the profile so people thinking of sending kisses or emails know that someone with lots of outstanding replies is either busy or not responding? If peole want more contacts they'll be encouraged to answer everyone.

Posted by: qualitypartner at July 5, 2007 6:07 PM

I find women who ignore kisses and emails sent to them are the most rudest around. They suck men in just to have men waste money and get NOTHING in return which is so unfair.

All users should be forced to answer all kisses and emails..

RSVP has a system that currently wastes alot of people money for what gain?

Im VERY loathe tro buy any more stamps until the system is overhauled and RSVP makes all stamps sent and kisses not able to be removed until they are ansewered properly by the receivers.

Unhappyuser

Posted by: Manfredman at July 4, 2007 9:44 PM

Why not implement a rating system. If a person has requested an email and the other person obliges and receives no response then that should be seen as a negative comment similar to Ebay. Unfortunately there are people who just play games. Make people accountable!

Posted by: mikeyyyy at July 4, 2007 7:56 PM

Do people realize that you can purchase 3 stamps that last a month through the 1900 number. It's not made as obvious as the credit card purchases but is down the bottom of the same page. It works out a bit more expensive but not as expensive as having half your stamps expire unused.

Posted by: at July 4, 2007 9:39 AM

I agree with all the above. But basically, RSVP is a numbers game. Sooner or later you will find someone that you click with. At least that's what a girlfriend told me when I was raving incoherently about the slightly (or more than slightly) damaged individuals I seemed to be attracting!

And can I add something about the e-mails? Sometimes a photo can be appealing, but when the person writes to you, it's just a total disaster. Still not a reason not to respond, but maybe an explanation.

I hate the "just responded to someone else ... " as well. I would much rather have a healthy "thanks but no thanks". Even worse is "you don't match my ideal profile", then you check it (out of morbid curiosity) and can't find where you don't match! Totally bewildering.

I'll just keep hanging in there and hopefully someone normal will find me.

:o)

Posted by: JeRevien at July 3, 2007 10:25 PM

I've read almost all these blogs and even though I aggree that it is rude not to reply, I have been guilty of it lately, I've been on the system on and off for a few years now, and, sometimes there is no appropriate reply, one that really says "your nice but I dont think we would really hit it off" and othertimes which is mostly why I dont reply is because i really believe people just don't read profiles.... i get sooo mad, and rather than saying so, i just leave it...perhaps there is nothing to say! Good luck to everyone

Posted by: sabscales at July 3, 2007 6:53 PM

I have to agree with most comments here. There are a 'few' decent people out there that do bother to reply. i think the flaw with the system is that you cannot purchase just one stamp. I purchsed 6 a short time ago and was talking to a very nice person (turned out to be not so true) and now i am getting emails saying the remaining ones are going to expire. Well that was a great $50 email wasnt it? I think rsvp should bring in a buy as you need email system. Who cares if they are a little more expensive. Atleast you arent paying and then not using them.

Posted by: callmereese at July 3, 2007 12:25 PM

I agree, do not take it personally. The person at the other end of the lne DOES NOT know you.

If they reject you it is not you, it's what they think you are.

Look at it in a positive light- they were not the one for you. No reply weeds out the ones you don't want to meet. Don't be bitter and hold onto it. Let it go immediately and move on quickly.

Reading the other blogs, and from my own experience, people might take what you have written differently from how you meant it. On the other blogs people mentioned being asked if they own their own homes, want a threesome etc. I would not reply to those emails either. Just a thought about non replies to an actual email you have send. I suggest you reread your emails for these sorts of inappropriate questions or comments and ask yourself if you've written too much, or too little, and tailor your next ones with what you have learnt.

Use it as a mini lesson, not a personal rejection because it is so not about you. You are still the wonderful person you always were. Don't let strangers mess with your self esteem, ever!!!

Posted by: Wishingandhoping at July 3, 2007 10:10 AM

In the 'relative safety' of cyber space one should not take anything too personally. A rejection from a computer, which is essentially what it is, should not offend anyone.

I personally respond to ALL kisses, whether it's a positive or a negative response so at least the initiator of the kiss knows where I stand. I believe that if they've asked you a question, they deserve an answer. It's as simple as that. As to the options of replies, it really is just a yes or a no regardles of the text in question. Binary code!

In saying this I do believe everyone should receive a response. Common courtesy!

Posted by: MagicMuppetMan at July 2, 2007 2:40 PM

Looks like their are alot of people who lack the confidence to be honest with each other.
In fact: "I often wonder if there is an element of "pay back" to the opposite sex for the sins of former partners on RSVP. That is people sending contacts and asking for kisses knowing that their is a chance a woman or a man might waste their money by sending a futile email.They gain satisfaction from passive aggression.
patience " An earlier quote in May 2007.
Am not sure this is their in tention. Think it comes back to lack of confidence in themselves, thus in turn there is not the honesty & trust.
They could also be aattached person who gain a lot of satisfaction in a tease &/or it may also re assure them that they are "wanted" by others should their existing relationship be under pressure.
To sum it up it is very disappointing when u "spend emails" with the other party unable to make their mind up whether they are interested or not. Its extremely annoying & frustrating to all who are genuine, but thats human nature.

Lets hope things improve and honesty improves on the site.

Sensitiveguy61 in Carina

Posted by: sensitiveguy61 at July 2, 2007 1:43 PM

Bit of a meat market fealing I have after a month, funny thing though, women (and no doubt men) that don't reply to stamps or they request contact through email and then after you expend the cost of a stamp, fail to answer the primary, and further request for contact. They only prove their own (lack off) self worth, 9 out of 10 times these 'time waster's' use the 'buzz words' HONESTY & RESPECT in their own profiles. ? Sought yourselves out as your presentation is false! I thought I would meet more genuine and "honesty" people here as it is meant to be a purpose forum for introductions (not to be).
I agree with a character rating system proving your integrity, but how do you stop unsettled vindictive people from abusing it? I will give the site a bit longer, but feel that the time and money's wasted by some outways any advantages offered.

Posted by: ct1969 at June 30, 2007 11:44 PM

Never mind not getting a reply from an email or a kiss how about a disappearing act half way through an online chat. Let me tell you my story. I was checking my kisses when up popped a chat request.
I accept and it went something like this. Hi my name is _______ I sent you a kiss about four months ago but i couldn't respond to your reply as i didn't have any stamps. Fine conversation continues he gives out the usual compliments, then all of a sudden gone no more response. I sign out and decide to send him an email to see what happened but needless to say he didn't reply. So what else is new.

Posted by: sicumrex at June 30, 2007 7:07 PM

I would just like to say one more thing,( please see previous blog.) I'm not totally rude. If people take the time to send me an email i will always make the effort to send them a reply back even if I'm not interested in meet up with them. Thanks

Posted by: sicumrex at June 30, 2007 12:38 AM

When i first became an RSVP member i use to religiously reply to all who sent me a kiss. However i started to find it hard to keep up with it and rather tedious. Another reason i don't always like to send i reply is that i don't like the responses we have to choose from. I hate that bit about being flattered. Can we have something along the lines of. Thanks for your kiss you appear to be a nice person but i wont be taking up your offer to correspond any further good luck in your search, or does that sound the same as whats on offer already. Maybe we can have a blog topic or customer service input on some other gentle ways in which to say thanks but no thanks. I know rejection is rejection but i like to do it and have it done to me in the most gentlest way possible. PS Needless to say since i started reading these blogs i have commenced replying to all my kisses again. I would also like to take up the opportunity to apologies to those of you that i haven't replied to, i won't be doing it again I promise .Wishing you all well in finding your future partners and happy blogging. I almost like that word as much as i like the word eclectic he he. Well it was either a he he or a smiley face.

Posted by: sicumrex at June 30, 2007 12:24 AM

i don't have to worry about this cause i basically never get a reply. is it something i said lmao

Posted by: abrisman at June 29, 2007 5:40 PM

It seems that the lack of manners is becoming the normal thing on this web site, it gentlemen is not ok to be rude, your mothers would not be pleased with you.

Posted by: likefinewine at June 29, 2007 2:19 PM

Here's a suggestion:

Some sites can see if you the recipient has actually read the email (e.g. Myspace), or even with normal email, you can ask for a confirmation of receipt of the email. Why not implement this?

If the receiver has not even bothered to read it or worse yet, deletes it with in a certain time period (say a week or so but it's completely arbitrary) then the sender is entitled to a stamp credit that expires on the same date as the original purchase. Vigilance is the key here.

It may open up a can of worms for those who suddenly rush to send emails in the last week but isn't that a better system that not getting a response at all?

Posted by: notsaying at June 29, 2007 2:58 AM

ok here's my scenario,
get a kiss, the timing is all wrong so I use the thanks but recently responded option.. the truth, I don't want to discount them out of hand, the profile reads well and there is a modicum of interest.
So I follow up with a kiss of my own, the gentleman in question requests an email, email ensues, a witty reply, a couple more emails too and fro, I chose to include my mobile number, no pressure it's just there under my name when i sign off.
Nothing .. I guess silence speaks louder than words.. so guys.. it's not just the girls who don't respond, and like you all I work damn hard for the money with which to purchase those stamps
I'll be honest, rarely do I kiss these days, and so it's rare that I am required to initiate an email. BUT .. I always respond to a kiss and I always respond to an email. Even a less than polite one, just to say thanks but no thanks don't contact me again!

Posted by: shybutperky at June 28, 2007 11:30 PM

Howdy RSVP Clan, just being reading alot of Blogs on the no Reply subject, personally & unfortuanetly i agree with 90% of members who have had a 'No Responce' situation 1 way or the other, especially when a member sends u a Kiss or email, u reply back & then hear nothing, Mighty Strange 2 me, has happened 2 me, also this 1 Woman kept sending me kisses over a month period, seemed interested, didnt really seem like my 'Cuppa Tea' but i senta few back, hoping maybe 4 an email responce, but No, so i decided 2 email her, as i happened, we xchanged Ph #s, & met, turned out she owned a business, was Full of herself, (she held most ov conversation about herself & family) & was not according 2 her Profile, A Liar !
Anyhow it would b Nice 2 c 'if possible' some system implamented so members have 2 respond back, especialy 2 emails, Just a form ov Common Courtesy, wether it b ( Sorry not interested or maybe later, or i am a bit unsure about u, or shy, whatever ?) I do agree it is Rude 2 leave some1 in the Dark, so 2 speak, would save alot ov people time infront of the P.C, Comon RSVP, maybe something should b done bout this, Your site is a Good Thing, This would make it Better ! Just think, their r alot of Lonely People out their, they dont need anymore heartahe ! and this goes both ways Male & Female.
Yours Sincerly Pasadenabush, Tomerong NSW.

Posted by: Pasadenabush at June 28, 2007 6:30 PM

This is really my only bug-bear with rsvp and it would seem to be a more common one than I imagined. I've got no huge problem with people who don't respond to kisses - it answers your question anyway!

No, it's when they've kissed you, or replied positively to your kiss, then you're not just blindly "taking a risk" by spending a stamp - infact it'd be pretty rude of you not to!!!). Can't think of any excuse for that sort of conduct...or am I missing something?

C'mon rsvp, you do impose conditions on us being here, what's one more? There's several options for how you could address this, sportbikeguy's is just one. You could even whack repeat offender's profiles until they pay a penalty, see, a potential profit opportunity for you...

Robyn, woodnwine et al, people who have responded to someone else are still here because they're using the rsvp email system, which actually works pretty well now...I've done that too, pls don't be offended.

Posted by: AM1972 at June 28, 2007 6:29 PM

Wow, this is an interesting, well supported blog. I suggest all women (and probably some men as well, but I don't know because I don't send them kisses) read Wetas posting of the 23rd May - well said! How difficult is it to do a quick response to a kiss?

People spend time writing wonderful profiles saying how honest, genuine, loving, mature etc they are but don't even have the courtesy to respond to a kiss, or worse still to a solicited email. Come on people, grow up and have some respect for those of us who actually are honest, genuine, loving and mature please.

Good luck everyone and try not to get too jaded, there are some nice people on the site.

Posted by: woodnwine at June 28, 2007 10:23 AM

I agree with sportbikeguy. There should be a feedback provision like on eBay so you can give a bad rating to people who are rude and simply change their mind after you have paid for stamps and emailed them to follow a positive response to a kiss. It also annoys me when people reply that they have responded to someone else but leave their profile up. If you are happy with the person you have met, why leave your profile up?

Posted by: woodnwine at June 28, 2007 10:02 AM

I would like to know other peoples "how too" when, after emailing and phone contact you finally meet someone in person and theres no "spark". This has happened recently to me and I'm not sure how to gently "let down" the other party as they are very interested in going to the next level if you know what I mean. I feel terrible but cant help how I feel. They are an absolutely wonderful person but just not in
"that" way. Any suggestions ?

Posted by: Bubba (not my real sign in) at June 28, 2007 6:47 AM

Travelgal62, as Stillliikin4you and many others have pointed out, there are not a great range of options in the kiss responses. "Sorry you don't match my ideal profile" is the only nearest thing to saying that there's something in your profile (could be anything you've said, or something about the way you look, or one of your interests, or anything at all) that isn't quite what he's looking for.

Don't take it personally - it's not an insult - you might like the other person's profile, but it has to be mutual. Surely you don't expect him to "accept" everyone who contacts him between the age of 18- 120 with hair?! (or even everyone who was 22 and blonde if he was that specific).

At least you got a response - that was polite. Give him credit!

Come on ED/CS - how many times does it have to be said - could we please have some more options for kiss responses? Something to say: "Sorry, you seem lovely, but just not quite the one I'm looking for" would be nice.

Posted by: at June 28, 2007 12:10 AM

It's nice to get a response but no one is obliged to answer.

That's the risk you take when you send a Kiss or an email.

RSVP isn't a contest about who has the best manners - it's about connecting with someone on a "MUTUAL" level.

And if it aint mutual, don't sulk, just move on.

SIMPLE!

Posted by: Time2GetReal at June 27, 2007 11:19 PM

Interesting to read other peoples experiences in the land of internet dating, as is meeting people and herring there experiences, having a laugh about it.

I have not just found love via the net in a previous life but have met some very interesting woman, had great sex some casual relationships – beats the hell out of blind approaches at the pub! Knock backs are a let down but that is life, I don’t meet up with people I am not interested in. I accept a non reply as a reply and also love the idea of a counter of messages not replied to on each profile! A woman (or was it) on RSVP tried to get money from me with sob stories once, now that I found worthy of being dropped from the site.

Attractive female friends of mine get swamped with kisses, men I know do not. Go through the men and women in a Melbourne suburb who have logged in today, there are heaps more blokes than gals looking! How about some advertising aimed at woman to balance the numbers????

Posted by: ravin76 at June 27, 2007 9:12 PM

I belive any answer or request should be responded to - it's only fair. If you don't ask, you don't get - or do you really know?

Posted by: MagicMuppetManb at June 26, 2007 11:30 PM

ok - i have sent many kisses over the time i have been a member - many guys don't reply... i always reply to kisses sent. What i want to know is - why do guys not bother to list any preferences for their ideal partner, and then respond to a kiss with - sorry you do not match my ideal partner profile!! Last time i looked i was between the ages of 18 - 120, had hair, average build... if you don't want to waste your time & others, at least fill in details!!! (I know - whole other blog but i'm peeved tonight!!)

Posted by: TRAVELGAL62 at June 26, 2007 10:58 PM

A lot of people are rude on this site and many of us would like to see some changes to the choices of "kiss responses", penalties for not replying to emails etc but I doubt that any change will happen in my lifetime.

Posted by: stilllookin4you at June 26, 2007 6:32 AM

90% of people on this site are rude. This is the answer i have come up with after reading a lot of the posts. How hard is it to be honest. Yes or no. You like the person or you don`t , be nice let them know. A lot of people post about not be in the ideal list a year or two older or things like that , it does say ideal maybe the one you would like is a little older. That is why some still send. But yes some do not read at all. I like some of the things that some girls write and send a kiss to say so , this does not mean i am looking to get to know them. Really is it that hard to be nice and say yes or no. If you are talking to someone else hide your damm profile. Or be like a lot of girls i have seen on this site that have been here for longer than i have and will still be waiting long after i give up on this money maker. Keep looking for someone that they will never meet.

Posted by: Marillion at June 25, 2007 7:41 PM

So many have said exactly what I think...replies should not be something you put off or don't do - where is the honesty everyone keeps posting on their profile? I have had plenty of kisses go unanswered, most just asking to see photos (yes, I'll admit I need to be physically attracted no matter how well written the profile is). Most go unanswered.

Oddly enough after a few months I received a kiss from someone who I replied to an earlier kiss ages ago, saying thanks for the nudge...traffic was really bad - sorry. I laughed so hard at that one.

People...don't get too upset if you are not answered, I too hate spending a stamp to hear nothing back after they've indicated they were interested and "waiting" to receive my email. How long do I need to "wait" until I get a response!!!

I try to reply to all, even if the responses sound a little harsh but I don't believe in leading anyone on.

But my pet hate is the ones that you take the time to carefully craft an interesting email to have them not answer or to wait a week then tell you they only want a relationship when they are horney....and then call me by the incorrect name....twice! Don't you just love the little delete button???

Posted by: wishfulthinker03 at June 24, 2007 11:59 PM

ready2runwithit: Yes we have all had that happen, both males and females, so it's not gender specific.
I found it better to wait till they have blogged. Then you will have a better chance of finding a responsible possible future.

My profile advises not to contact me till they have blogged. I don't get many contacts, but they are better presented.

Time2GetReal: good idea, relax and go with the flow. It's not life or death here.

Posted by: dlad54 at June 24, 2007 11:58 PM

Hey Tish B - I think you missed one!

Posted by: Riversong1 at June 24, 2007 8:00 PM

whilst i always try to reply to all kisses & emails, lets not be imposing restrictions on those who dont reply.
a number of contacts are unsolicited, and youve already said no to someone a nbr of times. so its frustrating to have to reply to them just to be able to delete it from your inbox.
not everybody follows "protocol".

Posted by: geminikj at June 24, 2007 1:53 PM

On a couple of occasions I have been guilty of not responding to an email. The reason for this is after I have asked for an email from the person, they had been logging on every day and then 2 weeks later I recieve an amail. Now I will give anyone a chance, but 2 weeks later??? What, the other emails you sent off it wasn't a positive response? And that's right I sent a kiss off to her I'll write an email now.
When I agree to accept an email I really take the time to look at the persons profile and generally believe I would like to get to know them.

I am so sick of people agreeing to accept an email off me and when I write one I recieve no reply. Now, I know you all realise this task takes money to kick off and its money I don't wish to throw away. If you change your mind once the email has been sent be big enough to say I have changed my mind. What a grown up act that would be.

Posted by: ready2runwithit at June 23, 2007 11:52 AM

WOW- so many sensitive people.

All the emotion in some of these blogs. Ask yourself if its really worth your while to get wound up over someone you dont even know!! I mean really??

Just relax, be calm, sociable and honest and give yourself some breathing space and give the same to your fellow RSVP'rs.

We're not all gonna match even though we all try to represent ourselves in the best possible light on our profiles. NO true relationship is gonna happen purely because of a picture or well structured words - people are more complex than that.

So cherish each contact for what its worth. Don't lower your standards but don't get offended if someone doesn't meet them either. Just be grateful its one less you have to worry about.

I'm sure when the right one comes along, it'll just be all the more sweeter!

It really is that simple guys and gals. Don't you think?

Posted by: Time2GetReal at June 23, 2007 2:40 AM

I do agree it is rude not to reply but guys when a lady first comes on line she usually get so many kisses it can become a chore to actually reply to them all. I try to reply to all but now and then I have been known to forget. I make a rule to reply to a email even if it a polite no thankyou. I always try to be honest and tell them my reasons. I wish more people would be upfront.

Posted by: shazzybabes at June 22, 2007 7:50 PM

I havent read all the previous entries as there are way too many but how about a simple system where by if somebody doesnt reply to a kiss then they are unable to send any kisses or responses to any more kisses they receive til they have replied to the last one. I also think the responses to kisses need to be a bit broader also.

Posted by: simplelifespleasures at June 22, 2007 3:27 PM

I have had lots of men sending kisses and if I respond positively I then hear nothing from them. It's almost like they send kisses to lots of women then pick one and ignore the rest. I only send a kiss to one man at a time to see if there is an interest there. I have also had email's from men and we seem to get on well then nothing. How would they like it if a woman did that to them. I always send a reply so that they know where they stand. Some men are just plain rude.

Posted by: Mistymoo11 at June 22, 2007 3:05 PM

We all know rejection can suck...but there is definitely nothing worse than not even getting a reply! It takes all of 2 seconds..

Or worse, why reply and say you're looking forward to an email and then not reply once one has been written?! Even if it is just to say, sorry I changed my mind (which would probably mean my email bored you to tears, lol, but at least it's a reply!)

Lastly, why would one send a kiss with the possibility of being sent the "i'm looking forward to your email" line but he/she doesn't have any stamps to actually send an email, lol.

It's just coommon courtesy..it never goes astray

Posted by: tasha23 at June 22, 2007 11:20 AM

Is the following "Kiss" dialogue normal?

This lady sends me a "kiss" and then can't/won't send an email???

XXXX has sent you an RSVP Kiss. She wanted us to let you know that she has read your profile and would love to see your photo

"ME" thanks you for your Kiss. He is flattered by your interest and would like to see your photo.

XXXX has sent you an RSVP Kiss. She wanted us to let you know that she has read your profile and thinks you could have a lot of fun together.

"ME" thanks you for your Kiss. He is interested and is looking forward to receiving your email soon.

XXXX has sent you an RSVP Kiss. She wanted us to let you know that she has read your profile and would love to meet up for coffee.

"ME" thanks you for your Kiss. He is interested and is looking forward to receiving your email soon.

I suspect that she couldn't be bothered to buy any stamps and hopes that anyone that she contacts will send her an email.

Posted by: confused at June 21, 2007 11:28 PM

TearsofaClown I posted a response to you, however it would seem that for some reason the moderators did not allow it. I was not rude nor anything like that. I was however shocked that you did not like me because I love the smell of puppies. Hmm and I meant it in a nice way, just like babies smell like baby powder. Anyway I really loved your profile and must say you had me in fits of laughter. You have a great sense of humour. But its cool, that you don't want to get to know me, but sad, and would seem both our loss. :-)
p.s you could change your mind, I won't tell hehe
;-)

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at June 21, 2007 10:54 PM

Well this has certainly stirred things up! I'd certainly love perhaps a limited word response to kisses (both ways!) without having to be an RSViP!!! Sometimes you know someone isn't for you but their profile is so entertaining or interesting you want to give them a high five of sorts without the stigma of a "kiss". TearsofaClown your profile made me smile! And the pat replies in the RSVP responses are AWFUL! Come one RSVP if it's good enough for the Ebay rating system, it's good enough for you!

Posted by: Natalie3963 at June 21, 2007 6:51 PM

hey tr7tr7 what was that womans name again?? I think I have spoken to her too and her girlfriend and her sister and her cousin as well LOL

Posted by: ABCKENNY at June 21, 2007 6:03 PM

To DT1974...
Thanx for the advice, it's not something that I had thought about before and has much merit. I was just rathering I would actually save the stamp and hard earned money on someone who was worthy ACTUALLY interested.
I have wasted several stamps on people who seemingly were interested, but two of them turned out to be some 'randoms' who were on a pay to view porn site and the other was some woman from a third world country looking for a green card into oz, proclaiming immediate undying love for me after a very brief email.
Though the RSVP team were outstanding in their willingness to reimburse me for stamps wasted, I am still somewhat skeptical in my willingness to waste a stamp on someone who may have second thoughts.
If they are interested one minute then turn cold...C'mon, that'd never happen if a woman was actually genuinely interested in a man she would be willing to date.
now....patience...I'm not here to play games or anything like that, if I wanted to do that, I wouldn't post a profile here in an effort to attract a Lady. *raises eyebrow*
My intent here is pure...I'm not an ego feeder looking for an attache, I'm looking for that perfect woman as my personal life allows very little means for me to be able to do it elsewhere.
The top 100 is a title of a weekend radio program in my eyes, not to be used for someone wanting eternal love, happiness and a desire to find their perfect love!
And also, yes my interest and personal tastes are very niche as you call them and that's fine by me. But women who are not prepared to look outside the token damn Robbie Williams, Madonna, yadda...yadda...boring bottle fed industry crap are not for me anyway!
And I DO accept that, people should just throw themselves out of their little comfort zone and allow someone who attracts them to guide them in ways they would normally not allow themselves to go in.
This world we live in now revolves around diversity, so shouldn't we look outside our blinded peripheral vision and into the eyes of someone we are attracted to, into the very heart & soul of that person and do what it takes to connect with them...???
Have a beautiful Thursday Fellow RSVP'rs.
DK666
\m/ \m/
@;~

Posted by: DarKnight666 at June 20, 2007 10:14 PM

MY GOD!!.... What is wrong with some of you people?!? Mikeymike you need to learn how to become part of your own solution instead of your own problem. THE KISSES ARE THERE FOR A REASON. They are used to gauge potential compatibility so you can THEN proceed to use bought and paid for stamps. This process allows you to save your hard earned money on definate potentials. Even if you don't get a reply to a kiss...SO WHAT. Accept it and move on. Don't wallow in self pitty and jump up and down like a cockatoo on crack(as I've said before). I've had plenty of no replies but I'm not going to cry about it, I'm just going to keep searching. At the end of the day if it is meant to be it will happen.
I think Funjunkie would share my opinion.
Just roll with the punches people...Life is too short.

Posted by: Concretegummybear at June 20, 2007 10:26 AM

darknight666...
If I receive a kiss ,then reply that I am interested in receiving an email, then I receive a second kiss I have to presume that the person is playing games with me. Perhaps someone trying to get into the top100. I would also then send a negative reply with the second kiss.

references to the dark side and the devil(if he/she exists) and horror in any form are not my thing either...you are a niche market...

Posted by: patience at June 19, 2007 11:35 PM

Yes Darknight666 another person's heart does lie at the other end of the computer. It's as if people stop being 'real' or cease to have feelings because we can't see them. Internet dating is a brave new somewhat cold world.

Posted by: at June 19, 2007 11:05 PM

DK666
I think your method may be somewhat flawed.
If you send a woman a kiss and she replies that she'd like you to email, then 2 days later you send her ANOTHER kiss, wouldn't that just put her off?
Trying to think from the other side of it, she got a kiss from a guy she thought was OK. She said "send me an email" 2 days later, no email, but another kiss. If it was me, I'd be thinking, this bloke just sends emails to random women every day or he's too tight to pay for a stamp, hence the "Thanks, but not thanks" the second time.

OR, I could be 100% wrong, as has been known to happen :)

Posted by: DT1974 at June 19, 2007 10:21 PM

I agree with everyone's personal comments on all these issue's. I have read every single one of them and I believe every one has a heart of there own and do what they want. I do not mind sending a kiss and spending the money for stamps to find my soul mate. The price you pay for an eternity of love but life goes on and they are out there. So as I say, if there is no reply"yeah it might be rude in some peoples eye's" just move on and try to find someone that does want to reply. I always say "smile, be happy and always have fun as a smile and happiness brings the good out of everyone and of course will bring the fun and joy in a relationship. Well, I hope I have not upset anyone as that is not the intent. So smile, be happy and have fun. Kindest regards
Dean.

Posted by: dmm72 at June 19, 2007 10:06 PM

Well, this topic certainly sparked a debate and I've enjoyed reading the various arguments put forward. Patience, you deserve a years worth of free stamps for the entertainment you have provided and Miss Difference, good on you for taking a view bound to be 'poo-pooed' by most. I happen to agree with a lot of what you've said - and as the saying goes - better to be right and in the minority than wrong and in the majority!!

SeraphSuzi, thank you very much for your kiss. Had there been an option to add some text to my reply, I would have said you are lovely and if it weren't for your fondness of dog smells my reply would have been different. It would have been nice to say that.....RSVP editor where are you...cough cough.

Posted by: TearsofaClown at June 19, 2007 6:45 PM

Re: Sandman's comments on the 17th!

Stands up and applauds his words. *faint echoing of claps heard down the halls in the lonely abode*

Perfect words dear friend!
I to am very much of like mind to your 'don't opposites attract anymore statement mate...'
Believe me!
I've edited my profile a few times in the six or so months I've been on here, as it would seem that most women dismiss my choice of music and lifestyle...
Although by todays standards it is fairly normal...
In my whole time on here I have received one contact of interest...whilst i have sent out my share or many, and by many i mean MANY!
Out of the 'Kisses' I have sent out, I have received back about a third with the obligatory 'Flattered...yadda...yadda...yadda reply.
Now whilst I won't disclose how many 'Kisses' I've sent out, receiving back a third is a pittance, and very ego shattering.
Remember another persons heart does lie at the other end of the screen, and it takes a lot of courage to be able to even send out an initial 'kiss', especially from someone such as me who is at times fairly shy around the opposite sex.

Anyway...I'm ranting, but I have come up with my own solution as to whether one should bother to use a stamp to respond to someone that has expressed interest in their initial 'kiss' sent.
If I get back the '...is thrilled and is looking forward to receiving your email', I'll wait a day or two, and then send another 'kiss' back to them to see if I get the same response back or the well worn, rejection button. 9 times out of 10 I'll get the '...not interested in corresponding further' reply, which will then prevent me from having to bother to waste a stamp...
Just a thought anyway folks, enjoy the rest of your week, and good luck finding your Soul Mate, or good luck trying and having fun doing it!
Take Care,
L8R
DK666
\m/ \m/
@;~

Posted by: DarKnight666 at June 19, 2007 3:26 PM

Seems to me this subject has been very well covered here. Tme perhaps for a new blog subject.
The expense, frustrations and disgust of no-responses to RSVP Emails is nothing compared with propensity of ladies to excercise the age prerogative; knock ten years of their reality; post 20 year old pictures on RSVP - and whch ladies are totally unrecogniseable at first meeting. Totally ridiculous and counter-productive but it is par for the course on RSVP.

Posted by: StarlightGS at June 19, 2007 3:02 PM

As a man I take the view that a meaningful respectful and well-written RSVP Email is the most courteous and responsible first communication.

When despite the recipient's awareness of the cost to the sender - and the provided facility of a zero-cost reply or acknowledgement, the lady simply ignores the RSVP Email - then this tells one something of the lady's ethics and standards. One then wouldn't want to know her anyway.

There are a lot of bitter and twisted ladies out there but whilst not being judgmental, the propensity of ill manners is most regretable.

Posted by: StarlightGS at June 19, 2007 2:35 PM

I couldn't agree more with the first poster in this thread. It is just down right rude for someone to completely ignore you after you've spent the time to search through profiles and select an appropriate opener, for them to completely ignore you.
Let's not forget the fact that stamps aren't cheap either!
The fact that some of us go out of our way to purchase stamps to initiate contact and then hear nothing whatsoever, is completely demeaning on the part of the stamp purchaser. It makes us feel like we've wasted our money for absolutely nothing.
A forced reply system would be the best answer all around, so people like me aren't just left completely hanging wondering what is going on.
Just something to let us know where we stand.

Posted by: mikeymike1701 at June 19, 2007 1:34 PM

I find one of the biggest problems with RSVP is the time limit on the stamps! I have bought stamps and before i knew it i have used half of them and then they have expired! really annoying! I also agree with the whole not replying or u send a kiss, get one back send an email and then hear nothing! what a waste of fricken time!!! Also strangely I go through stages where I receive like 5-10 kisses a week and then dont receive any for 2 months. weird...

Posted by: billyc84 at June 19, 2007 1:33 PM

I used to think the women who responded to my kisses asking for an email and then not replying it were downright rude but I no longer think it is really the case.
I have come to the realisation that there are a lot of people who make an initial decision to contact someone else based on the picture they see in the profile. I also think the amount of contact that some people receive grows exponentially the more "good looking" they are. This is a fact of life.

Men play a numbers game, the more kisses they send the greater chance they have of getting a response, women are therefore inundated with all this attention and I don't think it is unreasonable for them to get overwhelmed with the amount of responses they have to deal with. I have no idea at what point RSVP determines that a certain profile has had too many kisses for the day (I have tried to send kisses to women and been told they have too many for the day) but if these women haven't logged on for a couple of days then I can imagine that not only are their email clients being overrun with "So-and-So has sent you an RSVP kiss!" email but that the whole task of looking beyond a picture can become tedious.

Don't take it personally!

If I send someone a kiss and they ask for an email, if they don't respond I wait a week or so and then send another one, the first may have just been lost in the swarm. I usually include the fact that I understand that may be the case in the second email and 90% of the time I get a response from the second attempt. I also think a good idea is to not send the email straight after I have composed it, I generally walk away from my computer for 5 minutes and then come back and read it over. Quite often I find there is something that is unnecessary or doesn’t sound right that I either have to delete or rewrite.

I feel that the people who are getting bitter about this need to chill out a bit, it's not the end of the world and possibly it is that attitude coming out in your profile/email that is the put off in the first place. In my experience both sexes are attracted to confidence and compassion. If you are getting these problems maybe try rewriting your profile or reading some other peoples profiles to get some good ideas. I'm not suggesting you plagiaries other peoples profiles but when you read them think about what is good and bad and try to incorporate the style of the things you like in your profile. It may make you sound more interesting and it will define you to your readers better.

Adrian

Posted by: Funjunkie at June 19, 2007 8:27 AM

This MAY help ease some stress....
I would consider myself as normal as any person but have only 'one' reason for not replying to a kiss. It's because the sender is so close to being a potential 'yes', that I can't decide on whether or not to respond. It might sound stupid but it's a fact. I'll go over their profile again and again analysing every detail and sometimes this process takes days of thinking. It then gets to a stage where it's really too late after the fact to do anything about it and I feel REALLY bad. Anything longer than an immediate response means I've pained over the descision so don't be angry or disappointed if you don't get a reply to your kiss. It just may mean that the kissee is having a hard time deciding and the problem is that Eddie isn't standing beside you saying 'times up we need your answer'.
Hope this helps some people.
Disclaimer- The opinions expressed above are indictative of the writer only and results may vary for each individual. :-)

Posted by: Concretegummybear at June 19, 2007 8:14 AM

"It is clear where you stand with ``kissees'' who do not respond."

No it isn't. Maybe they've received heaps and glossed over yours. Maybe, as someone else alluded to, they think things might work out but aren't confident enough to take a shot. Or maybe they're genuinely not interested.

Point is, without a reply you never know for sure.

Posted by: IronMike1983 at June 19, 2007 12:13 AM

Sandman1976. Yes there are a lot of jerks out there. Sometimes I think most of us could pool our experiences and write a book, but I am a firm believer that for every self-centred, shallow profile there is also a genuine one.
By all means take a hiatus if you feel disillusioned, (I do whenever I begin to feel a little desperate because I know I'm not in the right headspace to meet M/s right) but remember that it only takes one e-mail, and it could be the next one.

Posted by: offthemerrygoround at June 18, 2007 9:06 PM

In the RSVP etiquette section it says: Common courtesy by answering Kisses and emails should be the norm, and there's really no acceptable excuse for not doing so.

Strong words! So the site has its own view on what's rude and what is not. I take care in treating people respectfully but my view happens to be a little different. I find the standard kiss responses very limited and if RSVP wanted people to use them more, I'm guessing that a simple way would be to give people more choice. Some of the people who have sent a kiss to me seem lovely people and - if I don't want to have contact with them I'd like to do that in a respectful way - not with the stock RSVP knockback. Silence has an open quality to it and to my mind it is sometimes the more respectful way.

Posted by: viktorio at June 18, 2007 8:19 PM

PS here here Sandman1976 - agree totally with all that you say but don't give up girl!!!
sweettastinblonde

Posted by: sweettastinblonde at June 18, 2007 3:41 PM

Hi Guys....have loved reading through your comments....have to agree with most of them! I have been on and off here for the past 4 years so I know what I am talking about too....while not replying is frustrating, (don't worry, us women get our share of rejection too) one of my other main gripes is how unrealistic men are, most will settle for nothing less than slim athletic chicks, and how they don't read the profile and/or dismiss you straight away after a mere glance. Yes I am overweight, so I get rejected almost immediately purely because of that reason but if more guys took the time to actually GET TO KNOW someone, they might find their perfect girl alot sooner......and save money, time and frustration on this site!!!
Too much choice is a big problem.....the mentality of "something better round the corner" is rife on this site....unfortunately I have had nothing but bad luck - only finding guys that start talking about sex by the second email. No guys, we don't want to be asked straight away if we are passionate lovers or what our favourite position is?? Whats with you guys......go slow, take your time, show the woman some respect and you might just actually get somewhere.....
sweettastinblonde

Posted by: sweettastinblonde at June 18, 2007 9:57 AM

To Sandman 1976
Well said and I have to agree with everything you said.
As I know this book is always judged by it's cover.
But only 1 thing to say it's their loss totally :)

Posted by: friendlychicki at June 18, 2007 9:28 AM

I can't force anybody to reply. They have the right to not speak to whomever they choose, period.

People don't owe me something simply because I have sent them a kiss.

I suspect that persons taking the moral high ground by saying "I always reply, and those who don't are bad people" are the same people who would cry the loudest if their rights were removed.

Posted by: matthendrix at June 17, 2007 10:20 PM

What really irritates me is when you get a reply to your kiss, you exchange numerous emails, you get along really well, and then.......nothing. That's the last you hear of them. They are still logging into RSVP on a regular basis but no email replies, no nothing. One woman even stopped talking to me mid chat!! Never heard from her again. I didn't think the conversation was that bad!! lol. As has been said before, it's their loss, but it's still pretty irritating and leaves you wondering what you said wrong.

Posted by: tr7tr7 at June 17, 2007 10:10 PM

It is just rude and obnoxious of people to not reply. I ALWAYS respond - without fail. Personally, i think the majority of people on here are materialistic and fake. Why bother writing in your profile that you want someone who is genuine, nice, honest...blah blah blah...when you don't even reply to a simple indicator of interest (kiss/email/chat message), even if all of your interests match! And whilst on that, don't opposites attract anymore? I know i don't want someone who has all of the same interests as me! I'd rather them have their own too. And isn't the whole idea of being on a dating site, to meet someone that you can get to know through chat and maybe the exchange of details? Correct me if i'm wrong, but, people are far too judgemental these days. Always remember to never judge a book by it's cover, as you might just miss out on reading the best book ever!!! (Which is what everyone seems to do on here). What ever happened to old-fashioned common courtesy? Come on people, WAKE UP! no one is perfect. I've never had a problem in finding someone, just seem to end up with the wrong ones. Having said all of this, i'm very tempted to just waste the remaining stamps that i have left, just to get away from all this materialistic and judgemental crap that goes on in Dating sites. I'm better than that, and i deserve better than that.

Posted by: Sandman1976 at June 17, 2007 8:18 PM

I'm beginning to think the guy who helped write the book, He's just not that into you, is right. He suggests men want to be the hunters not the hunted and I'm beginning to agree. I can only presume men don't seem to like having kisses sent to them as 3/4 of the kisses I have sent out have not been replied to at all. Even the stamps I've bought have been wasted, no replies.

Posted by: sue4you at June 17, 2007 7:07 PM

I am pretty new with this site RSVP. I recently bought stamps so I could talk with various males who I think might be interesting to know. I agree with a lot of the entries it is rude not reply to kisses and emails. I'm so pleased with the honesty I get from the guys i speak with once they have found someone to share their life with. I notice you can also be penpals as well but then again you have to buy stamps to chat also.

Posted by: sunshine229 at June 17, 2007 5:21 PM

shy4awhile..sometimes sincere people hide their profiles as a gesture to indicate they are srious about their contact with you. He might have hidden his profile because you had arranged to meet. Somewhere there is a man pacing outside a restaurant....

ingoodnick...for every rude infuriating woman there is a male counterpart.

Posted by: patience at June 17, 2007 1:24 PM

I am so glad to read all this - I thought there might be something wrong with me! I always respond to kisses - even if I am not interested - as I know what it is like to send one and not get a response. It's better to hear someone is not interested than nothing at all - and I totally agree: it doesn't make me feel very good about the person who doesn't respond. Though, when someone does, it's lovely - so thank you to all you guys who do.

Posted by: honey at June 17, 2007 12:30 AM

Hi, I sent a kiss and because the person has not been on RSVP for 2 weeks sent a email a few days ago. Maybe this person is busy or having a break, but if anyone knows DonPettus please tell her I would like to chat, I did click with her profile!

We do have a lot in common, our love of the Carlton football club and keeping fit just to name two.

Thank you,
BLUEACTIVE

Posted by: BLUEACTIVE at June 16, 2007 7:22 PM

some men just have no manners to weak and gutless to admit they made a mistake. I received a kiss. I replied, I got email, we chatted 3 or 4 times, arranged to meet for dinner, next night his profile is gone, hidden, vanished, whatever,,, what a weak gutless act. His loss. I wouldn't want to be involved in someone like that anyway so its good it happened before we met. kharma yesssss it will happen. He paid for the stamp...what a waste.

Posted by: shy4awhile at June 16, 2007 6:53 PM

I've been a member of RSVP since it began in '94/'95. Back then it was run by one guy out of an office in Sydney. There was a FREE chat room where people met, chatted, arranged to meet up (The Easter '96 Rocks Pub Crawl is STILL legendary!) and many a relationship and friendship was formed, without the aid of stamps, kisses etc making this issue moot! RSVP today is part of a conglomerate worshipping at the altar of the almighty dollar. Really do these people give a rats if we find true love? I know progress happens but I still yearn for the caring, sharing RSVP of old.

Posted by: Natalie3963 at June 16, 2007 12:52 PM

I've found the vast majority (not quite all!) of ladies on RSVP to be rude, lazy, arrogant, conceited, unrealistic and deceitful. full-stop, period.
RSVP needs to introduce an eBay style system of feedback so us guys don't waste our hard earned dollars on these people. Lets face it- who enjoys paying for nothing?

Posted by: Ingoodnick at June 16, 2007 12:44 PM

Hey guitarman....I am always open to making new friends. I have made quite a few now from rsvp, male and female!!

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at June 16, 2007 8:09 AM

Yes, what is with the guys who send a kiss, I respond positively then they respond "I will get stamps and email you". Never to be heard of again. What is the point of sending a kiss if you are not really interested anyway. To be honest I am a bit over the whole RSVP thing cos I think the guys are nearly all bored and have nothing better to do so they think they will send a kiss but not follow through with an email.

Posted by: scottie1956 at June 15, 2007 10:42 PM

Hey SeraphSuzie, thanks for your reply! Confession to make: I looked at your profile also!!

Thing is, I've read your numerous entries on this and other blog topics in the RSVP forum, and your opinions and personal views based on your experiences so far made me curious to know more about you. I noticed that many bloggers have responded to your posts so you are obviously good at articulating your thoughts.

I'm not ready to give up just yet, at the end of the day I am an optimist, so I can hang in there for a while yet. But I agree with most that it is the most frustrating thing to send a kiss or email and not have the recipient respond. Sure, if that person does not feel inclined to respond/had second thoughts/met someone else in the meantime/etc than thats fine, but should we keep in mind that it probably took some courage to send that first kiss or email to begin with! Perhaps some people on RSVP take it far too much for granted and end up abusing the spirit in which it was intended ("no eye/voice contact, no problem to disappoint them" sort of attitude). Rudeness is rudeness, regardless of where it occurs.

Good luck mate, perhaps we'll be friends somewhere someday!

Posted by: guitarman100 at June 15, 2007 5:53 PM

I wish all people would use a little common courtesy and just reply to all kisses and emails and tell the person thank you for your interest,but I am busy with other commitments at the present time and you can always check them out later if your first contact does not work out

Posted by: access8 at June 15, 2007 5:39 PM

guitarman100...i read your profile and it was great! If you had sent me a kiss I would have replied, but I guess maybe the distance and also I don't have the body type you are looking for...But don't give up. I haven't ;-)

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at June 15, 2007 1:51 PM

Hi Patience, and its Suzie....hmm most of the replies I get are basically thanks but no thanks not the made contact with someone else...blah blah blah. I basically don't look at someone that I have said no thanks to again because there was usually a very good reason why I said no in the first place...they were not what I was looking for...and I am pretty openminded about most things. So I guess in my ignorance or maybe naivety I thought others would be the same. Well for those men who rejected me the first time, please feel free to contact me again.. ;-)

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at June 15, 2007 1:30 PM

Yes, absolutely it is rude/lazy/unacceptable to not respond to a 'kiss'. Granted, some people may have difficulty sending a negative response, however, that is not a justified excuse as RSVP has provided a system which allows for a gentle brush off.
In another blog, referring to dumping via email or sms, many consider it rude to use this avenue. Isn't a none response even more cowardly or lazy?
It just says heaps (none of it good) about the person not bothering to respond. Would you want a friendship with anyone with a sluggish attitude? In essence, their lack of response tells us we made a mistake to contact them and to move forward quickly!

Posted by: onein21million at June 15, 2007 12:28 PM

After sending numerous kisses to people over the last month and not receiving any replies (not a single one) I think I've had just about enough of this. I haven't even considered purchasing stamps for the reasons that bloggers here have previously stated, they're costly and by no means any guarantee of success. I think that if you are willing to initiate the first step in sending a kiss to someone, the courteous thing to do is at least send a response! I even paid extra for RSViP and that seems to have been fruitless. So now I'm considering removing my profile altogether and going back to the old fashioned method of meeting people - in person in a social or work setting and seeing what transpires from it. Does that still work these days??

I'm keen to meet someone just like all of you here. I just wish we didn't have to constantly endure all of the nonsense that goes on in achieving that end.

I'm no quitter, but let's face it:patience does wear a bit thin before frustration sets in for all of us.

Posted by: guitarman100 at June 15, 2007 8:39 AM

This may be a question that warrants its own blog, but if you kiss someone, and get no reply, or a reply from them saying they have recently responded to someone else, can you follow them up in the future, and how soon after your initial contact? If they have genuinely been in contact with someone else it may not have worked out, and therefore they are still looking. How long should you wait before trying again? Everyone I send a kiss to I put in my favourites. Periodically I clean out the deleted, or hidden profiles, and outright rejections. Some profiles however are still there a year after I contacted them. I don't want to harass them, but feel that if they have not said no outright, they have left the door open for possible future contact. I also update my profile reasonably regularly so the new profile may "work" better for them, possibly even if they have said no. What do people think?

Posted by: TechieGuy at June 15, 2007 7:42 AM

dingblue...it is possible to look at profiles without signing into RSVP. IF you know the profile name from the kiss contact then you just search names.

It is also possible that as soon as they see your location they are not interested if you are contacting women in Sydney and they don't read you commute.
Seraph Suzie...maybe they liked your profile but happened to be one of the nice men who don't leave you waiting if they have started contacting someone else and are not sure. I have looked back at profiles I have turned down for various reasons and on occasions made contact again.
Some people really are nervous and shy and might reject you when they really would have liked to contact.
If you are really bothered you can block them from looking at your profile as you know.
People looking at my profile does not bother me because that is what it is there for..they can't do much more than that. What is it the publicists say? The only thing worse than having people talk about you is having them not talking about you!

Posted by: patience at June 14, 2007 7:07 PM

I agree Suzie...I have a few stalkers that keep looking at my profile...everyday or so there they are. I sent a couple of them a kiss which was ignored...so why do they keep looking?!!

Posted by: gypsy (not my rsvp name) at June 14, 2007 10:21 AM

SeraphSuzie
I have to agree with your latest post.
Can we add to that or the guy that has rejected you and then sends you another kiss down the track.... espec if they say they really like your profile and not a thing has changed on it :)

Posted by: friendlychicki at June 14, 2007 10:10 AM

You know what really irks me beyond anything else on here?? I mean I can take the rejection from a negative reply or even from no reply but what I cannot stand is when a guy I have sent a smile to and who has rejected me continues to gawk at my profile...its like ..didn't you have a big enough laugh at me the first time? Why bother looking at my profile a second time if you didn't like it the first time around? Nothings changed I am still the same girl I was before!!

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at June 13, 2007 8:19 PM

cookbrekkyfor2 do have pic posted but for personal reasons is password protected. Have sent you kiss with password..... like your profile shame I am more than a cut lunch and waterbag away but....only 3hr 20min flight and I do get to Melb often as have family there so........Who knows

Posted by: friendlychicki at June 13, 2007 12:07 PM

pity friendlychicki u didnt have a pic posted

Posted by: cookbrekkyfor2 at June 13, 2007 2:18 AM

I am one of those who use the "met someone else" option and then continue to log on.

So why am I still logging on everyday? Because RSVP gives me a safe option and allows me to correspond for 30 days without having to exchange traceable numbers or email addresses.

To do this, I need to log on and keep my profile visible.

I am sorry that there are guys out there who think I am being dishonest, but we all have different ways of doing things and this is my way to stay safe.

Posted by: misstepped at June 12, 2007 10:33 PM

I agree totally about the stamp expiry issue and not getting to use some due to lack of people you wish to use them on - also not really wanting to "juggle" six people at the one time, so to speak.

However, once with one day to spare on my expiry date, I rashly sent out an email to someone I liked the sound of very much, whom I had lots in common with but would never have thought he'd respond, with me being a few years different from his age range.

But I had this stamp to use, and nothing to lose, so sent him an email. He did respond, and a few months down the track now and we've developed an extremely lovely relationship that I wouldn't want to be without (is now "just" friendship, but a lovely one at that). So it did turn out to be a positive in the end.

Posted by: Malsie at June 12, 2007 10:10 PM

Well damn, I am not the only one it seems. Yes my pet hate is not getting a reply, I guess I am old fashioned in that regard. If a lady indicates that she is interested (by replying favourably to the kiss) I will use a stamp and contact her. And yes I expect a reply. I am not a 20 something getting heaps of replies, and I am not chasing 20 (or 30) somethings either. I stick to my age criteria and do read profiles before sending a kiss. About the only thing I tend to not take much validity in is the smoking one, I smoke and yes it is in my profile. If the woman doesn't mention it in her text profile, I will contact her even if she has indicated she is after a non-smoker. The reason is simple, the majority of 'non-smoking' women that I have met smoke more than I do! For god sake people please be honest in your profile, no body likes a liar.

I do like some of the sugguestions put forward here. Definitely no time limit on a stamp. I have lost count of the number of stamps I have wasted due to them being about to expire. I am also curious to find out how I can not match someone's criteria when they have not viewed my profile, I am sure my picture doesn't tell all about me (lol).

All anyone asks is that you treat someone as you would like to be treated, is that such a difficult thing to do?

Posted by: dingblue at June 12, 2007 1:03 PM

Hi everyone
I agree with most of the comments posted so far. I am 1 who replies to every kiss I receive. I have brought stamps but as I use the kiss system to initiate contact 1st I found that I only used 2 of my stamps and wasted 4, as they expired before I found there to be anyone worth sending an email to. As I'm a sole parent I have to wait some time before I'm able to purchase stamps again. I feel that RSVP should make available an option to purchase 1 or 2 stamps at $10 or $20 with an expiry of 30 days. It is so much easier to find this amount than a spare $54+
I always send the password for my photos when asked but don't always receive 1 when I ask.
To those who feel a photo tells a thousand words I beg to differ as we should all remember that the most important feature is that of our personality. Real beauty is what lies beneath the skin. Also maybe some of us are just not photo genic or the photos are just plain rotten shots. At least even if the latter they are of us not 1s so often seen taken by places such as glamour portraits which are by no means the true person.
I no I have met a few guys who have said I look better than my photos (sorry not being egotistic). But it's true how honestly can we go on photos alone when it just may pay to take the plunge and see what a person is like by either email or private contact. Then see if maybe it may be worth meeting them.
Sorry but after reading all the above I felt there to be quite alot of you that probably needed this wake up call.
So please RSVP can you do something to make us all be able to afford stamps. Which I feel will then give all the opportunity to meet our soul mate and will cut alot of the complaints re the wastage of stamps.

Posted by: friendlychicki at June 12, 2007 11:41 AM

I have to admit, when I first signed up to the site I deleted a few kisses without response, which was definately a cop out on my behalf.

Recently though, I've seen the error of my ways and have been responding to all kisses, but it still makes me feel a bit bad, I think the rejection responses sound a little harsh and some times it takes me a few days to decide either way.

In the end, I guess any response, good or bad is better than no response.

Posted by: emlovesu at June 11, 2007 8:20 PM

I'm amazed...I thought I was the only one who sent kisses and emails and didn't get a response, seems I'm the majority rather than the minority.'

What really bugs me is one man in particular, who cost me a stamp for nothing. I email, he responds saying lovely things and to get back to him...so silly me does. I don't hear from him for a week, then a quick one liner letting me know his woes with his ex who is also on RSVP. Fine..I wait another week...send him a quick hello just to remind him I'm alive and he sends another "woe is me - she is now saying she is pregnant, etc." He is simply playing games so I sent one back saying she isn't the only one playing games and he fires a terse one back saying how rude I was (yes I was, but I was annoyed). He then says he is going to lay low and get off RSVP. He did, for 45 minutes before he popped back up under another name and has not logged off since! Some men deserve what they get, but so do some women.

Treat others as you wish to be treated....guys don't waste your stamps if you are not confident and the same applies to us girls who do actually take the initiative!

Posted by: Wishfulthinker03 at June 11, 2007 8:08 PM

I don't really mind no response as if someone can't either be that polite or find time just for that what hope a friendship or more?

However as an RSVIP member it amases me how many replies I do get without the girls even taking a couple minutes to read my profile....

Goodluck everyone, this meeting process for genuine people is not an easy one :-)

Posted by: JaguarCreative at June 11, 2007 5:51 PM

This non response thing is p1ssing me of, I have used all my stamps replying to people who would like me to email them only to get no response...i really wonder if there are many genuine people on this site....

Posted by: Jae at June 11, 2007 4:50 PM

I agree with what has been said, you can reply for free with a kiss but so many guys seem inable to do that.
Also, guys say size or looks aren't important but my personal experience has show me otherwise. I would not like to think how many kisses I have sent and not a had a respose to.

I haven't bought stamps for a while due to the costs of them. I might be limiting myself when it comes to contacting guys, but they are definately over-priced. I think it would be a really good idea to lower the price and maybe sell them individually and have them for a longer time. Surely Farifax have enough money?

Common courtesy doesn't take a lot of effort and yes it goes both ways, I always respond to kisses I am sent.

Posted by: louduc at June 11, 2007 4:47 PM

To all that i have spent my hard earned money on stamps thinking they were worthy of my interest!!!!! The married men that masquerade as single, the players, time wasters & worst of all the one nighters. I believe RSVP should have a shame file, so you can be exposed. To request a email, then, to log on site and not bother to reply "SHAME, SHAME, SHAME" shame on you.

Posted by: freespiritiam at June 11, 2007 2:20 PM

I think the system could do with a few tweaks:

* A profile should indicate if the user has any stamps. Let's face it, who is interested in getting in touch with someone too cheap to buy stamps:) Your own mileage may vary, but its useful information.

* A stamp spent on a user should be refunded if the user leaves (ie. is banned or fails to log in again) in 72 hours of burning one of your stamps. This would help deal with scammers and time wasters.

* Each profile should have a kiss-reply ratio indicator. So you know what you are dealing with.
I've got female friends who are getting 50 kisses a day, and its simply too exhausting for them to reply to them all. If you know a profile has a reply rate of 1% you can decide if they are a time waster (or in high demand) etc.

Posted by: sydman71 at June 11, 2007 1:07 PM

Let's face it, most people treat online networking very differently to face-to-face networking. And why not? They're totally unaccountable for their (re)actions. Of course RSVP should have a mandatory reply feature - just like other online dating websites around the world - but it's not going to stop the 'hurt' or discontent among emotionally vulnerable members, and to think so is totally unrealistic.

Posted by: lolitaesque at June 11, 2007 12:20 PM

I agree that it is rude to not comment, I know I would hate that myself if it happened, however the need for some to require to see my photo first before anything else is said tells me where their thoughts lie. I am on a private chat forum for that very reason, it's private. My work dictates that I keep a low profile, it would be no good to me to be known as that woman from rsvp.

Posted by: sirens2007 at June 11, 2007 11:54 AM

SUGGESTION RSVP. I can see a growing resentment to STAMP WASTERS. If you don't do something about them or that has been suggested refund the stamp to use on some one worth using on later then you stand accused of being guilty by association. You turn a blind eye so we can get abused by stamp wasters. I personally would like the people who waste stamps to be made an example of and to make them feel what its like. If they don't buy stamps why have them on your site. They only play to drag the integrity of your site down with their attitude. A conspiracy theorist would conclude you allow this for one reason lets waste peoples stamps its more profitable WELL its not because people who have been a victim don't buy stamps anymore GOT IT. PUNISH THE STAMP WASTERS or GIVE BACK OUR STAMPS. Justaguy4

Posted by: justaguy4 at June 11, 2007 10:58 AM

Yes not replying is rude but what is worse is when you get a kiss from someone that doesn't have a pic and you reply to them asking for them to post a pic and you get no response from that...Why did they kiss you in the first place if they don't want you to know what they look like? yeah us ladies are going to want to meet someone that is invisible..notttttt. What a waste

Posted by: shy4awhile at June 11, 2007 8:29 AM

Communication is the key to life and RSVP in general. If you send a kiss or email I think it is just polite to reply. Why, cos you do not leave people with false hopes and they can move on. Also people who are not honest in the way they look or lie in their profiles about such things as body size really need to ask themselves what do they really expect out of RSVP....A relationship, friend or are you just there to play mind games? The problem with mind games or players is that it hurts the one on the receiving end. I have made some great friends from RSVP because we have been honest with each other. One thing that might assist in not leaving people hanging is a read receipt. If you send a kiss and hear nothing for a day or week, at the moment you do not know if your kiss has been read. The receiver may in fact be away or not been on line for a period of time for a variety of reasons and all you may think at the moment is that they have read it and not been polite enough to reply.

Posted by: maximumprotection at June 10, 2007 11:28 AM

WOW! and I thought this was the 'real world' or part of it?
So what - do we transform ourselves into some higher or cyber being once we log on? Do the real world rules no longer apply?
I think if we all know the rules then we would be all much happier. (the same rules of course xo)
sigh!!!....................

Posted by: Lipstick Princess at June 10, 2007 10:01 AM

I've had 7 replies out of 19 kisses I've sent, most of them of the "flattered wishes you well" type. I've had no kisses from others except in reply.

I don't know how this compares to other hopeful singles, but I'd say it's about what I expected.

Who can really say what the people that don't reply are thinking? We can ALL see the last time that person was on RSVP, so it's obvious they are still searching. Perhaps there are a lot of superfluous people, going by photo alone? I know my photo doesn't do me justice.

Then again, does anyone else get annoyed by the yellow squares? Surely there can be at least one picture of a face that isn't password protected? Faces are important to me. But this is no excuse for not replying.

Sure, stamps cost a lot. Too much, I reckon, if most don't reply. Perhaps they should only deduct one stamp upon reply. That'd work.

People need to be more flexible with their profile. Not with all sections, but little things like distance, which could be shared; likes and dislikes, which really don't matter if you have the chemistry. If I were to get a kiss from a girl roughly my age, I'd try to work past differences.

Perhaps ignorance is bliss. I can't afford that luxury. Replies equate to decency - you get what you give. On a site like this, there's no room for nastiness.

Posted by: UltimaWizard at June 9, 2007 10:12 PM

sue4you - I think everyone has a different interpretation for the kiss messages (or maybe I'm being naive). Read their profile and make a judgement call.

The ones that I don't quite get is when someone sends you two kisses within the same minute but with a different message!??! Have had this happen a few times. Or after giving them the 'thanks no thanks' reply, a few months later you receive another kiss from them. Do they not check who they've already kissed? Oh silly me, many do not even read the profiles properly.

Anyway for the record I have responded to all but one of my kisses received. I didn't respond to one as it was someone who had a couple of different profiles - after communicating with one of them I think he thought he'd try to let me know about the other (you wouldn't necessarily know from the photo). However what he didnt and probably still doesn't know is that I had already put 2 and 2 together!

Posted by: NB70 (not my RSVP name) at June 9, 2007 9:03 PM

stamps can cost a lot. Maybe they sould have one more reply in the kiss section.
Yes I think you are cute, but not quite sure!!

Posted by: Ice age1 at June 9, 2007 2:01 PM

It takes less than 30 seconds to send a kiss to someone... the lest that person can do once they have recieved it, is to take 30 seconds out of their time to be polite and resopnd with a kiss to let that person know they are not interested.

I have held out for over 4 mths now in buying stamps.. due to the fact that I can not 1stly afford to buy them.. but 2nd to use the stamps up within the set time frame.. I dont think would happen. Plus i wouldn't use my stamps for the sheer fear that i would end up wasting it on a person who would even reply to me.

I know that it is hard for ppl to get out and meet others.. hence y we r all here trying to find someone online.... buy to spend money on ppl that don't resond or change their minds forces ppl to not bother buying the stamps in the first place. Plus I think ppl send kisses out without really reading the profile. Mine States that I do not have stamps, yet I get ppl responding to a kiss that I send asking me to email them!!!!!... Hello I cant do that...

I believe that these types of website need to be cheaper or free.. to intise more ppl to join and use the FULL benifits.

Posted by: blueeyed32 at June 9, 2007 1:08 PM

Could someone tell me, am I being naive. A friend who has been on this site a lot longer than I says never to reply to the, ....thinks could have a lot of fun with you reply as its just a euphemism for would like to have a quick xxxx if possible, so I never reply to those kisses or reply in the negative. Is she right????

Posted by: sue4you at June 9, 2007 1:02 PM

LoveatFirstBite - I have a theory on that. If someone kisses you and you don't fit their Ideal Partner profile, I think they have made a conscious decision to kiss you. They know you don't quite fit what their profile says, but you interested them enough to kiss you anyway.
I personally change my "Ideal" Search area a fair bit. Right now it is 25 km, but I'll do searches out to 100km.

Posted by: dt1974 at June 9, 2007 12:58 PM

Sometimes I will get a kiss from someone that I could be interested in, but i am outside the kilometer area that they are searching for. I honestly don't know how to answer them. I don't want them to waste a stamp if I live too far away for their liking. So i don't answer.

Posted by: loveatfirstbite at June 8, 2007 10:05 PM

OK, heavenly (and others, thankfully few here, who have indicated they may do the same) , let's get this straight ...

1. You reply saying you would like to receive an email , which you realise may encourage the person to spend money and time composing an email... all good so far.

2. You receive a reasonably intentioned email, and something about it means you realise you are not interested ... OK, still so far so good, such is life.

3. You feel a bit bad that this person has wasted a stamp ... well, that's probably to be expected from a reasonable person ...

4. So you just ignore them.

HANG ON .... excuse me?

Now, let's think from the emailer's perspective.

I perhaps spent $55 just so I could say hello after you have encouraged me to email you.

Since I'm a decent person, I will possibly wait for your response before trying to contact anyone else, even though stamps expire after 60 days.

After some time, maybe a week or more since I have no idea regarding your emailing habits, etc, I can probably assume you will not respond, and feel bad about having wasted both a significant amount of money and time on the email, and also maybe a week's worth of stamp expire time waiting for your non response.

So, what do you think?

Which is the more reasonable response from you?

a) Just send a quick thanks but no thanks, even an automated one, cos at least it lets me know quickly where I stand?

b) demonstrate your lack of social graces and inconsiderate behaviour by just ignoring the sender who has done nothing wrong or impolite.

I know my choice.

Re other issues, well some people's "ideal" means it's just their ideal, not a line in the sand. You don't know unless they specifically state.

Feebback on profiles is dangerous ... we are already discussing bad behaviour here, and feedback has plenty of scope for abuse by net nuts. And is just way too difficult to accurately police.

The current kiss reply options could be expanded perhaps, but of course everyone would want something which matches their own situation, and expanded options will probably still not satisfy many.

I see nothing wrong or "bad" about saying thanks but not interested when that's the truth. It's just a fact of life, and both sender and receiver know that that's a strong possibility, and then know where they stand.

Nor is there anything wrong with saying "corresponding with someone else" but still coming online. There are many honest reasons why this may happen.

There are also many possible reasons why someone who receives a kiss may not respond for some days or more. You do not know their situation, so why make possibly invalid assumptions about their delayed response?

Non response to kisses can be annoying, and I think is generally a bit rude, but I can sort of understand there can be reasons why some people don't, specially if they get lots of unwanted or unsuitable ones.

And remember, a bit of politeness does not hurt, and lets you feel good about what you can control, which is your own behaviour.

But I agree with some others here ... $55 for 6 contacts for only 2 months is outrageously expensive, specially in view of the high incidence of zero responses to genuine emails.

Posted by: Consideration at June 8, 2007 5:20 PM

Agree with ReeceOnline in that stamps should not have an expiry date. Being a little old fashioned, I wrestled with the idea of buying stamps when joining 2 months ago. Moving into the 'new age' of online dating, I excitedly purchased 12 stamps, though am selective about who I send them to. If I initiate contact, I'll follow up by using a stamp if a positive response is received to my sending of a 'kiss'. Having only utilized 2 of 12 stamps (no response from 1 ill mannered 'man' who stated he was "flattered & interested"), I fear that the stamps may expire before I find worthy recipients & that the result is a loss of money. Either stamp costs be refunded if not used after a set amount of time or, they are purchased with no attached expiration date? Ali1969

Posted by: Ali1969 at June 8, 2007 5:16 PM

Hey everyone, wise up...RSVP will never take on board all these stamp issues and criticisms...We can rant all we like but they'll never introduce the reasonable suggestions we have all come up with.

Posted by: RSVP Realist at June 8, 2007 3:39 PM

Totally agree with sportyblonde. Why do people send a kiss, receive a favourable reply and u hear nothing from them? Must be the ego-feeding thing.
I would like to recommend being able to buy one stamp at a time. But if one is required to buy a book of 6 could the expiry date be extended?

Posted by: katie at June 8, 2007 10:36 AM

WHY DO PEOPLE SAY - I'M INTERESTED, SEND ME AN EMAIL and then not respond when they receive the email?

Here is one answer: maybe the person wrote something that the recipient thought "oh, they're not for me", or something really turned them off (that couldn't be determined in a profile).

You then feel bad that they've "wasted" a stamp, but after receiving an email you NOW know you're no longer interested.

Really, the cost of stamps is less than the cost of waiting in a horrible nightclub all night!

The RSVP replies could be more specific - the reply "you don't match my profile" is not specific enough. I sometimes get kisses from guys all over the country or internaltionally, when I state in my profile I'm only interested in men in my town. I would like a reply "The only reason I'm not interested is because you are too far away". I would also like a reply "Thanks, but you're too young!"

Happy dating!

Posted by: heavenly at June 8, 2007 8:43 AM

Well lots of people digressing from the topic, and a few even willing to tell others what they should put in their profiles.

It is a pain not getting replies, but then if they are the type of person that does not reply, do you really want one!

But as someone who does reply, and also someone who does not wish to waste a stamp - I was going to post something similar to this -
" don't like sending kisses to hidden pic profiles. In a small city like Canberra, there comes a time when its inevitable, the pool down here is much smaller than other capital cities. First you look for perfection then work backwards. Eventually (and I've been on here for years) you read a profile and think Hmmm, maybe. You send a kiss, a password comes back, and the picture doesn't tip the balance. What do you do then?

Posted by: dayan at May 22, 2007 10:24 PM "

and suggest that RSVP allow us to still reply to a completed kiss with passwords with a reply kiss "That we no longer wish to continue, and please do not contact us"
or "We have met someone else"

Hmmm now have I spelt it all correctly :)

Posted by: enjoylife2101 at June 7, 2007 3:51 PM

It doesn't worry me if a kiss doesn't get a response because basically no answer is your answer. What I do find really rude, like other people here, is when someone says to email them then just doesn't get in touch. I tend to think long and hard before saying yes email me because it can be an expensive waste of time sending emails to people who were not that bothered in the first place and who are probably feeding their egos at another's expense. A longer expiry date on stamps would be great or even being able to buy one at a time.

Posted by: SportyBlonde45 at June 7, 2007 2:25 PM

I think women particularly are a little paranoid on here..for me if the guy takes the trouble to actually email me then I take the trouble to meet. It IS only the eyeball to eyeball meeting that tells you whether this will go further or not...most times it has only been that one meeting I know straight away that person is not like me . 'One' I would have liked as a friend only..but mostly I do not want to go further it has nothing to do with looks or size but more to do with manner and if I do not hear from them again or if I did like them I look at it as 'they simply were not into me!' to coin a phrase from sex and the city and as for talking about your ex that depends on the individual .. I do simple because it has been a big part of my life it has partly made me who I am now, it is my history and one cannot hide history or should not want to , to me if one cannot talk about ones past then is there somthing to hide or perhaps one is NOT over it, we should be learning from the past and in discussing it ,it gives one a view of how that person deals with issues and changes which we all must make to enable us to grow and move forward or else we make the same mistakes in relationships ..perhaps this is why people do not find each other..if there are children involved then the past must entwine with the present that is the way of it.I have recently met someone from a singles night and have hidden my profile for now...but yes I continue to read the blogs it gives me an insight to people and I have friends on here ..I think actually the blogs tell you more about a person and quite often I would kiss the person blogging simply because I like the way they formulate opinions...don't look for perfection none of us is that....!!! good luck.

Posted by: gvsm at June 7, 2007 1:16 PM

I am only new to this internet dating scene. I do believe that if you send or recieve a kiss it should be replied to. It is out right rude if you dont reply. If the person that has sent you a kiss isn't what you are looking for let them know that so they can keep looking. Also the photos that are on rsvp, people judge others by photos you dont really get a chance if you dont look like a model, others dont want to know you. This is my opinion, good luck to every one out there and treat others how you would like to be treated.

Posted by: funsmiley21 at June 7, 2007 11:22 AM

I agree that stamps should be less or the expiry extended

Posted by: LuckyMe at June 7, 2007 12:41 AM

TO ALL MY FELLOW SINGLE BEINGS...PLEASE READ THE COMMENTS ABOVE IN THIS BLOG...

Posted by: christina at May 23, 2007 12:38 PM

THANKS CHRISTINA YOU SAVED ME SOME TYPING!

Willberlo sends you a kiss!

PS...dont worry I wont be offended if you dont respond to this kiss!

Posted by: WIllberlo at June 6, 2007 9:58 PM

For heavens sake, enough already. Stop whining about no replies etc and start getting serious about finding what you are looking for.
If you don't get a reply they are NOT INTERESTED! Who cares, you don't know them, they don't know you, move on to the next person.
Don't tell em you've never wasted ten dollars before. Stop being mean minded in your search for a life partner. So what if you waste a few dollars along the way. won't it be worth it in the longrun if you meet that "Soulmate"?
It is creeping me out reading the quiblling about rude people. They are not rude, they are just not interested. It does not matter in the larger scheme of life. their rudeness is their problem. You are all making it yours and sounding like petty politeness police on the way. Also some of you sound like stalkers. Are you looking at these people you kiss to see if they are online-scary stuff!!! Think about it people, please because you are putting me off the site.

Posted by: WishingandHoping at June 6, 2007 8:58 PM

SUGGESTION to the Editor:

Testing the water with "kisses" is a great idea. It's awful when they don't respond, but I just take it to mean "not interested but too rude/shy/weak/whatever to say"... OK.

But what REALLY rattles me is when they respond to the kiss with "looking forward to recieving your email" and THEN don't respond when you send it. It's not just rude, it's THEFT making you waste a stamp.

SUGGESTION: I think people who do that should be penalised a stamp, and it should be refunded to the one who was enticed to waste it.

Posted by: Riversong1 at June 6, 2007 8:52 PM

It seems from reading all the blogs that there are plenty of bad mannered, spiteful game players of both sexes out there. Kisses are free and only cost you time and a bit of angst when unanswered. But rsvp is accepting money to provide the email service and should be doing more towards ensuring that emails are at least answered if requested by a member. I think there should be a system where non repliers could be registered on a list by other members. (Not necessarily public) Serial offenders would then become obvious to rsvp staff and could have their profiles shutdown by rsvp. This will hopefully discourage those who like to play games and who take some perverse pleasure in making other people waste their money.

Posted by: wendall at June 5, 2007 11:40 AM

I don't know Nomadd... there has to be a better way to meet women at your age, I can't see that RSVP is it. I think that there is a lot of people your age who don't even know how to use the internet (thinking of all mum's female friends) where as a lot of my Dad's male friends do...so maybe that is why you are having trouble finding women closer to your age on the net!

I am 45 and wouldn't be happy if someone 20 years older contacted me.

Maybe you just need to re-evaluate your methods and work out where your target market is ...so to speak.

Without trying to sound condescending in any way but trying to be helpful, my father meets a LOT of single women at the local bridge club...much to my mother's annoyance!!! :-)

Posted by: Gypsy (not my rsvp name) at June 4, 2007 7:25 PM

Nomadd, I checked out your impressive profile. If you want my thoughts they are as follows
1. some things never change whether men are 48 or 78 they look for very much younger women!
2. In your headline I see age78/ride a scooter/ sold car and what springs to mind? You are riding a electric scooter designed for the less mobile.With a flag on the back....
I know that there are energetic women out there who are interested in the things you are....but you might have to compromise a bit on the roughing it aspect. What about local art societies or bush walking groups?

Posted by: patience at June 4, 2007 7:02 PM

On the whole when I have sent a kiss I normally get a response, then I always buy stamps and reply.
My main complaint is that I am much older - 78, but very fit and active, and I do not have enough older females to respond too. Therefore, I am forced to try to contact younger women.
Naturally, they think - " What a cheek!" However, I have met younger women and really got along with them in the past. I wish more younger females would give me the opportunity to conatct them. I am a good letter writer and detail most of my wishes etc.

Posted by: Nomadd at June 4, 2007 4:11 PM

english teacher Im also = instant message;)

Posted by: at June 4, 2007 12:54 PM

well that was a long read:) first time here and surprised at how popular this section is, thought it would be a few people only or a heap of pick the right answer type scenarios (RSVP's favourite game:))
In short a few quick comments:
1> Seems that most people feel that responding is a good idea (from the above statements only and obviously not taking into account the silent majority whether for or against)
2> The responses allowed are not sufficient to meet the needs of the people utilising the system (hence perhaps a lack of response in the first place)
3>people feel that the email system can be expensive, the cost per email with expiration dates, the quantity required to be purchased and the fact that there is no refund if the person simply refuses to respond after an email has been requested and sent, all lead to a bitter taste in the users mouth. (I notice that rsvip customers dont have emails that expire, perhaps this should be part of the basic service?)

maybe I am missing something but perhaps the solution could be very easy as suggested earlier allow a sort of cut and paste response (tick a box game again) something along the lines of I appreciate your contact and (choose from abc) a. I have doubts about our compatability, b. I feel that some aspects of your profile are not what I'm looking for, c. your not what I am looking for. Then simply add another abc scenario if they want to elaborate a little. this way a complete picture can be developed or perhaps simply adding a few extra comments to the response area might be sufficient????

Emails no simple way around this as people have the opportunity to write what they want, hence open to abuse of the system. Would love to see cheaper emails though perhaps if there is an opportunity to cut the pricing structure there might be more people prepared to utilise them, therefore a greater profit over cost?

At present the above issue is one of curiosity, I have been on here for almost 2 years, received 2 kisses, sent out about 14 with a 70% return, all polite refusals, but hey at least it saves me buying stamps:) lol
Still a very cheap option compaed to what I would normally spend on a night out though:)

Posted by: tlc67 at June 4, 2007 12:48 PM

Hi guys.. Well I'm so glad I'm not the only one that has come across rude, unpolite people on RSVP. I have had some good experiences and bad experiences on this site. Firstly, I state on my profile that if I send you a kiss please be polite enough to reply even if it is a thanks but no thanks! since putting this on I have had pretty much all kiss replied to. However, I do find that some are sending kisses and with my reply are still sending emails even though I have not asked for one. Am I then expected to reply to the email again with a "sorry but your not what I'm looking for" or just ignore it. Some are just email without sending a kiss first. On the other hand after sending a kiss out and getting a reply with "looking forward to your email" I am emailing then suddenly their profile is now no longer visible. I think this is a disgrace. We are not all make a lot of money, alot of woman are single parents who do not have alot to money to spare to buy stamps. Yes this does make you wonder what type of values this person has, and do you want to have any sort of relationship/friendship with this person anyway! On the other hand I have found alot of men on the site are not who they claim to be... like someone else pointed out, the word "honesty" comes up in perhaps 98% of profiles. If this is high on your list of wants in a person why is there such a high percentage of people who do not practise this?? I would much prefer to meet someone and walk away with a sense that I have been honest with them and said to them, "yes you are a great person, but I do not think I am the one for you". That could just come down to my upbringing or me just seeing the world through rose coloured glasses and believe that all people are as honest as I am...
I think that if you send an email after someone has asked for one and no reply given within 30 days or you make your profile hidden, this stamp should then be automatically recredited to the person. Or if you have a email unanswered then the system should not allow your profile to be hidden without you replying to that email first...
Either way, Im over the single life, Im over internet dating and Im over trying to find someone honest. But I will continue to search for that one that has the same values as me in the hope that he is out there somewhere.

Posted by: justme1101 at June 4, 2007 8:36 AM

I'm pulling my hair out reading the poor spelling and grammar of RSVPers.

FREE ENGLISH LESSON 1:
You're = You are.
Your = Possession.
They're = They are.
Their = Possession.
There = Location.
We're = We are.
Where = Location.
Were = Plural past (they were)
We'd = We had.
Weed = Garden pest.
I = Self.
i = teenage SMS jargon.
You = Other person.
u = as above...teenage...
I'm = I am.
Im = East London for 'him'.
I've = I have.
If = Conditional.

HOMEWORK: Spell check.

Stay tuned for:
FREE ENGLISH LESSON 2

Posted by: English Teacher at June 3, 2007 11:40 PM

Since renewing my membership with this website, I have spent literally almost 24 stamps this year in 2007 in under 2 months.

I find the behaviour by many many profile members to be absolutely and ridiculously annoying.

I am very bemused that after spending time exchanging kisses and then spending a single stamp in initiating contact. A few hours passes, then a day, then you find that this particular individual's activites has been quite lively on this site that they reluctantly respond to a simple email regardless of its size and length of the content.

Stamps aren't cheap and I am bloody ticked off that there are utterly many many bloody members on this site who don't have the effort in being polite and especially ethical in the way of handling email messages whether they are interested or not.

Rather than hiding their profiles or ignoring emails sent to them, the sender like myself starts to question the profile's geniuness and validity; he starts to wonder if it is a fake profile and/or just some ignorant individual who thinks they can afford to play pathetic mind games and wasting time.

Frankly, 3 kisses aren't enough, there should more choices to alleviate the anxiety suffered by most members here especially in both the normal RSVP memberships as well as RSVIP.

Or as another option, just delete or ban those self centred, self righteous and immature gits for not replying to messages timely!

I for one, do not appreciate wasting stamps!!!

Posted by: FeelingIgnored at June 3, 2007 10:48 PM

How long to you wait if he says he'll email soon? A week?

Posted by: vickypollard at June 3, 2007 9:09 PM

I've meet some interesting people in the past couple of months. It has been an eye opener. The one thing that makes me angry is men who sends me kisses, than send me abusive racist emails. What a waste of money. Now those I don't respond to.

Posted by: Formerly Amberlie77 at June 3, 2007 7:54 PM

My turn to have my say in the debate :)
I DO tend to reply to all my thousands (not!) of kisses.... BUT I have to agree with the no reply just means "am not interested". I treat it EXACTLY the same as getting a response back saying "am flattered but do not wish to correspond etc etc" ie I accept they are not interested and do not take offence!
Rejection is just one part of the dating game is it not.

What I do find disappointing is that you send a kiss to ask to see someones photo , you see it and realise they are probably not for you , but there is no option then to go back to them and say thank you but sorry, I am not interested :(
I feel bad that I leave them hanging in that situation....
I guess that comment will open up a can of worms but before you all start berating me for making contact decisions based on a photo... let me just remind you that a picture is worth a thousand words,
and can tell you far more about your possible compatibily than a profile alone....
If I like the look of someone and they like the look of me then hey , happy to email them , if not (from both sides) then why waste a stamp...

Posted by: ilovefrangipannis at June 3, 2007 7:41 PM

I guess this is the best blog to pose my question�..What is accepted protocol when you have initiated contact with someone, received a reply in the affirmative and started chatting/emailing each other? Should you hide your profile? (ED can you advise whether hiding your profile prevents you sending/receiving emails with that person?) Is it rude or �cheating� to respond to and chat/email more than one person at a time? I�m not suggesting you should be actively courting more than one person at a time but a bit of friendly chat can�t be bad�or can it? I mean�.in real life you interact with many others daily, even when you are married! The dilemma arises particularly when for example you kiss someone that appeals to you and don�t receive a reply within a few days(and you see that they have been online every day), you decide they aren�t interested so kiss another�get a positive response and start chatting�.then out of the blue the first person replies positively!! It seems a bit harsh to fob them off with the �responded to another� reply given that you where the one that initiated contact. Maybe, as bloggers have said many times, a wider choice of replies is needed�rather than being polite and spending a stamp to email and explain the situation.

[CS: when you hide your profile unfortunately you cannot communicate with others via RSVP - you will need to have exchanged personal contact details and be in touch outside of the site.]

Posted by: Jamesfnq at June 3, 2007 6:54 PM

What I want to know is, what do you do if someone sends you a kiss you reply and then they IM you. You chat for 3hrs and they asks to meet, you agree and then NO! communication again and not only that they take themselves off the site all together. Makes a person feel a stupid idiot.

Posted by: ynotuandme at June 3, 2007 5:51 PM

Well i was ready and fired up to complain about men giving you a ( yes i am interesed in an email from you) then ignoring you when you do , only to find out that it is quite common so i am feeling why bother at all ,and i hope that those people get what they deserve lonelyness in abundance.

Posted by: windy4 at June 3, 2007 4:42 PM

Of course it is right to send a reply to an email - even an auto-response "Don't want to correspond any further." It is common decency.

Posted by: stoic at June 3, 2007 1:18 PM

I find myself agreeing with alot of the comments previously given by other rsvp members. I have been using rsvp for 6 months and increasingly the trend seems to be that it is acceptable to just NOT REPLY to a kiss. At the beginning of my rsvp experience I admit to feeling rather disappointed with a 'very flattered but does not match what i am looking for' or a 'recently responded to someone else' (but still there every day after). NOW however I would just be grateful for ANY REPLY. RUDE RUDE RUDE!!! If i were to walk up to these men on this site in a live situation, I would guarantee they would not simply turn away & ignore me but they feel its OK to do just that on-line. Well I have certainly given this on-line dating thing a crack & to be quite honest I am not impressed with the outcomes so far. I live within 200km of major city & thus far it is me that has had to do all the travelling to meet the couple of lucky guys. Chivalry, gentlemen it seems may have disappeared. 4 kisses in the last couple of days I have sent & each recipient has been on-line since and yet NO REPLIES. I will hang out in rsvp another 2 weeks to see if this situation changes & if not, my on-line dating days are over.

Posted by: CurlsRed at June 3, 2007 11:29 AM

I can only add my agreement to the majority voice here that is TRULY RUDE NOT TO REPLY TO A KISS! I always reply to a kiss but what is also frustrating is the men who send you a kiss every 3 months with seemingly no intention to buy the stamps and follow up with an email.Why bother? I no longer buy stamps as I'm not finacially able to do so at this time .. so please guys if you are as broke as I am and can't afford stamps either.. forget the kiss! Perhaps we need a reply option that says I like you but cant afford stamps LOL!

Posted by: Naiad18 at June 3, 2007 9:46 AM

according to the previous comments every kiss and email should be replied to. What I want to know is what to do when someone sends you an email without a kiss first, and it is obvious that they do not fit any of your ideal partner profile, and you have nothing in common, is it right to send back thanks but no thanks?

Posted by: lm81 at June 3, 2007 9:20 AM

Oh get over it! If you don't get a reply to your kiss then obviously the person is not interested. I was amazed to realise people take it so personally. I often have no response and I don't always respond either. I don't see it as rudeness; its just how it is. I agree there is also a grey area regarding how long is too long when waiting for a response.
On the other hand, I would like to see a greater range of responses. The limited responses are frustrating. The ones available through RSViP should be options for all. Then I would probably respond 99% of the time.
I do normally respond to emails as I appreciate the cost involved.
Also, I am another who believes stamps should have a much longer expiry date. I am hesitant to buy them as they expire before I use them all. Why do they have an expiry date?
Hotredflame

Posted by: hotredflame at June 3, 2007 8:32 AM

I have my photo password protected and get lots of kisses asking to see it. Once i give the password i never hear from those guys again. This is really annoying and down right rude. If you are going to judge people by a photo then don't bother 'kissing' at all. It tells me you are shallow and not worth my time. I respond to all kisses and if you have changed your mind it is common courtesy to respond and say so.

Posted by: F1FBFAN at June 3, 2007 8:17 AM

Hey Ed...(if that is indeed your name?) [Ed: Nope, 'Ed' is short for 'Editor'] If you "get a lot of questions from people *very* interested in how to get onto the Top 100" aren't you curious as to why they want to?
What benefit does it bring? Apart from the elitist thrill of 'being' in the Top 100. I don't know much about it but I presume it's a popularity rating thing. Which would mean that some people, for instance the elderly, very large, those of homely appearance, the not so well off, the ones with unfortunate postcodes etc etc will never ever make it to that elevated realm. Some of these 2nd class people would be paid up members yeah?
Gee, that doesn't seem quite fair somehow.
So if the Top 100 are already popular and get lots of hits to which they diligently reply, why do you need to promote them further?

Like I said above, I haven't even looked at it, but I'm guessing that ninety percent of them are young and shiny, are either doctors, lawyers, architects or muscular 'tradies', their favourite holiday destination is some obscure village in Greece, they all love their mothers, like sailing and are renovating a charming colonial in a desirable location. The other ten percent are liars.
Why not have an "Average 100" or "The Bottom 100" or a "ReallyFat 100"?
It's a rhetorical question of course, if there were exclusive lists that included everyone...they wouldn't be exclusive any more. And where's the fun in that?
The 'special' people won't be able to feel special any more or have a list to prove their 'specialness'.
An elitist rating system is unfair, because some people simply DO NOT qualify and CAN NOT qualify no matter what they do.
I don't think you should be looking for reasons to be "convinced that we should pull it", rather you might try and come up with the reasons, if only to yourself, for it to be there at all.

cheers

Posted by: a lurkly story at June 3, 2007 3:50 AM

As the RSVP Customer Service team posted this blog topic, my reply is directed to them. I personally do not think people should be made to reply in any way, shape or form. Last I knew this was a free country where people still have choices. Back to the real world....I feel that the replys available are akin to some thing like someone approaching me,smiling and saying Hi, with me smiling back (indicating the "flattered to have you approach me") then telling them in no uncertain terms to bugger off (indicating the "does not wish to correspond any further")? As for the rating system, I do not agree that there should be any rating system. We can now see the people who receive and reply to the most contacts (kind of like the 'popular group' in high school) if RSVP were to introduce a system, icon or like to indicate people who reply / dont reply, then should we also have one indicating people who stated wanting "long-term relationship" when the first date clearly indicated "only want a shag" which would be just as helpful in weeding out so called undesirables. These blogs are fun and informative about the few people who contribute, but should not be regarded by RSVP management as a tool to determine what the majority of RSVPers want. Maybe to get a true indication of that you should send an email to everyone who is active on the site (in say last month) inbox requesting feedback.

[Ed: Fair enough call. We would go ahead with a survey of the user base before doing something as major as reworking the Top 100]

Posted by: Kayles1970 at June 2, 2007 9:37 PM

[Ed: Language, ashton20! Snip] thats what i say, if someone is not curtious enough to simply reply to a kiss with a "hey i'm interested" or "no thanks" theyre not worth speaking to.
that being said 90% of girls that i have made contact with have replied with either answer. good on ya girls have a nice day

Posted by: ashton20 at June 2, 2007 9:33 PM

Well i'll be darned , this is the 1st time I have read these blogs .. they are a much better read than the actual trawling through pages and pages of profiles!!! ....my 20 cents worth ..do not take this website seriously if you are looking for love ..Amost 95% of men I have "kissed"have rejected me .. though these are the types who chat smile and make eye contact and conversation in real life . I have learn't that it's all virtual and rejections are easier this way ..I was even stood up last week by a Guy who contacted me .. and made the date .. If I spent hrs agonising as to why ??I'd be crippled with insecurities.. My thought ? Their issue not mine .. NEXT ..
Have fun meeting new people and don't take it all too seriously ..

Posted by: BLYTHEDOLL at June 2, 2007 8:22 PM

Patience RSVP should emply you!

[Ed: Not sure we could afford her...!]

Posted by: at June 2, 2007 7:07 PM

pardon my naivette, but i was under the impression it was the kissee who was placed in the "top 100" based on how many people are interested in them and not the "kisser" based on how many replies he/she received :-s

Maybe it should be turned arround if the latter is the case :)), that'd stop a lot of falsies (maybe)

Posted by: Sonn at June 2, 2007 5:43 PM

Yes, it's rude not to reply to a kiss, but on the other hand, I think it's the height of rudeness for men who are clearly everything I don't want, to send me a kiss in the first place. When every short, fat bloke out there has the nerve to send me a kiss, despite my ideal partner profile clearly specifying the opposite, I still reply to the kiss, despite the fact that it really cheeses me off that I'm acknowledging their existence. It's so obvious to me why so many people don't reply to kisses.

Posted by: Mendelssohn at June 2, 2007 10:03 AM

I know this comment isn't exactly relevant to the blog subject but Sonn's post prompted me to make an observation��I have been somewhat amazed at the distance criteria many people specify (not having a shot at you Sonn) i.e. 10km from here or 30km from there. I have to ask the question�is that why so many are still unattached!!! I do realise that the people in question are in pretty densely populated areas but 20km???? most people would walk that distance in a day just doing the housework!!!! Granted I come from a vastly different background�..currently live >70km from the nearest pub!! and around 200km from the nearest 'significant' town�and that's almost 'urban' compared to places I have lived/worked. I for one wouldn't hesitate driving 400km round trip to have a meal/coffee with someone I was attracted to - god - it just dawned on me�.maybe I am desparate!!!!!

Posted by: Jamesfnq at June 2, 2007 12:21 AM

If the Top 100 is distorting peoples behaviours such as sending large numbers of meaningless kisses, it should go.

Posted by: Bob51 at June 1, 2007 10:39 PM

Bingo KIMBO "I am interested in getting to know more about you, do you feel the same way?" I could relate to this sort of kiss................
Sometimes I kiss people without a message to acknowledge that I have read their profile and can relate to what they are saying. esp if their lifestyle is similar to mine.........
Or if I like a person's photo my kiss states I like their smile/ photo.............
Same as I do in real life - every lady likes to be told they have a beautiful smile.......
If interested I state the obvious "I think we have a lot in common".........
Kiss replies are worse - Why can't we just say, I thank you for your kiss... the closest is "would love to see your photo".............
The rest say I am interested and want more or want me to lie in rejection............
RSVP definitely need more relevent kiss statements.................
Useless ones like "your interest in sports/ music/ movies/ outdoors" really don't do it - like a relationship will be based on such limited criteria.............
I agree with Patience. Past experiences forms our attitude to future responses......... Especially if the other person is not held accountable for their actions (or lack thereof).
As I stated in Customer Support blog - RSVP has a chance here to become proactive and turn this from a mediocre dating service into a site with a lot of success stories because people will know that the inconsiderate don't last long..............
Re the top 100: .. as Beachmouse (love that name) says, it's nothing more than a 'popularity contest" controlled by RSVP for the benefit of RSVP...............
Keep blogging peoples, I appreciate the insight that is revealed through the blogs which could never be viewed in a profile.

Posted by: dlad54 at June 1, 2007 10:27 PM

I once had a guy email me to say that he had just met someone great and was going off RSVP but had one email left and wanted to send it to me to say that I would have been his next choice if it hadn't of worked out and good luck with my search!!!! I thought this was lovely and funny ....and then I thought...bummer!!!!

Posted by: gypsy (not my rsvp name) at June 1, 2007 10:17 PM

I agree with most of your comments and really hate when I dont get a reply to a kiss or email, specially and email as it costs. But I console myself by thinking that obviously if they dont have the manners or energy to respond then they wont be my sort of guy anyway.Let some other woman end up with them.

I would like to see another auto answer saying Im not interested due to the fact that you live far outside the area Ive allocated as I often get kisses from people from far away. My life style is too busy to allow me to have a long distance relationship even though I may think the guy looks and sounds great. It annoys me that I cant tell them this without emailing and wasting an email.

I dont think it is necessary to have the top 100. Really, this is not a competition or popularity poll, we are all here to meet the one of our dreams... we hope...We are all individuals and shouldnt be judged in that way. I never look at it!

Posted by: Vivalife at June 1, 2007 10:03 PM

all good comments. Point one. I get annoyed when someone sends you a kiss and invitation to send an email. You do and they dont reply....what is it with that ? And no, it is not the content of the email...as I just say hello, give my name and say looking forward to hearing from you. Point two. What about someone sends you a kiss, you say looking forward to hearing from you, but they dont send an email ? Is it always expected for the male to purchase the stamp? I thought good manners and equality would say the person who initiates should pay the stamp ? What do you think?

Posted by: newthingstodo at June 1, 2007 5:17 PM

RSVP..could you please take notice of what is probably the MOST important sentence said in this blog...a quote by Patience "I also am quite sure that The Top 100 is also a major cause of the false contacts." I dont think there is any requirement for a top 100, or as it is referred to "RSVP's Hottest 100". It turns a legitimate dating site which has alot of good things going for it into a stupid popularity contest. I can vouch for the fact the top 100 is in no way a reflection of who is getting the most dates; I made it to #9 without even realising it purely because I had to reply to a truckload of absolute no-hopers...didnt get a single date! Can we please lose this redundant feature? I think alot of people use it for an ego boost, thus resulting in a lot of dashed hopes and false expectations.
[Ed: We get a lot of questions from people *very* interested in how to get onto the Top 100 (and as you found, courtesy in replying is a major factor) so not at this point convinced that we should pull it. What do you all think? Like or loathe the Top 100?]

Posted by: Beachmouse at June 1, 2007 5:08 PM

Nine times out of ten I reply to kisses. I do this because I want to know the outcome once I have sent a kiss to someone, and its only fair to do it back again.

However, that one in ten that I don't reply to means I question why I am even getting a kiss from that person. I am 32 years old and my profile states I am only interested in people in a certain age bracket, so if someone has kissed me that is largely outside of that bracket or has other equally rediculous expectations, I am quite sure they do not expect a favourable reply anyway. So I am not wasting my time to reply to someone who has already wasted it.

Posted by: JJ at June 1, 2007 4:17 PM

Its good to know I am not the only one who is having this frustration. However, it is really confusing for me, when a guy spends the time and money to email you, you do the right thing and reply (because you are interested) - and then NOTHING! Was it something I said? Or have they dropped off the face of the earth? Common decency and the most courteous thing would be a short reason why they want to stop corresponding(since they have already spent the money on a stamp anyway). And another note to RSVP, the kiss reply statements need a little tweaking. Us girls are not always flattered to receive attention from some guys. There is a fair share of "unsavoury" people who are members on this site and behave very inappropriately. valleygirl4

Posted by: valleygirl4 at June 1, 2007 3:56 PM

I think all the kiss options for the sender and receiver can be improved upon.

If someone sends you a kiss that says you have a nice smile but they do not meet any of your criteria, are they just sending the kiss because I do have a nice smile or they are interested in me? I would just like to say thanks and then if they want to get to know me there is a kiss like "I am interested in getting to know more about you, do you feel the same way"? The kiss options are so limited and really say nothing at all that of relevance. Just very cheesy pick up lines!

Posted by: kimbo at June 1, 2007 3:30 PM

mecheng...if you have read the blogs then you will know why everyone is angry about this! They are not angry because people don't want to continue contact or pursue a relationship. Every sane person can accept rejection and not take it personally. People are angry because they feel "ripped off" and because they extended some trust towards another human being and have been given another reason not to in future.(and given that many people here already have reasons not to trust easily then that is an issue)
"live a little and dare to look"...ding dong hello? isn't that what sending a kiss or email is about here?
The senders have proved by that act of faith that they are indeed caring selfless and considerate.
You are right about one thing and that is this would be "a nicer place if everyone was nicer" AND replied or did not ask for contacts in the first place if they have no intention of follow up.
I still believe that there is an element of passive aggressive behaviour on RSVP. Pay back to men or women for the sins of previous partners by causing them to waste money.
I also am quite sure that The Top 100 is also a major cause of the false contacts.

Posted by: patience at June 1, 2007 3:02 PM

I believe it to be the height of rudeness & consideration, that said some of the reply comments supplied are not really kind. I like to think i do the right thing by all members however have hesitated sending a response or delayed till i had a appropriate response. For the members that have failed to reply!!!! Your loss.

Posted by: freespiritiam at June 1, 2007 1:40 PM

Do you know what I have been tempted to do but havent......as yet? I am so sick of guys sending kiss after kiss to me when I have replied that I am not interested. Some particular guys have sent over 10 kisses over time. I havent changed my profile or my pictures and the history is there so I dont understand why they do it. Does anybody know? Anyway what I have been tempted to do is send them a reply kiss and say send me an email, just so I can tell them to jump in the lake. Is that wrong? I feel like they are stalking me for no apparent reason. I know I could block them.

[CS: there is a limit of 3 kisses one profile can send to another, if you receive more than 3 by any one member please contact us to investigate further]

Posted by: kimbo at June 1, 2007 10:32 AM

just received a kiss from a gent in North Sydney, obviously he did not read my profile properly, North Sydney is a little more that 25 km from where i live and I am a smoker and he is not. few things in common but the distance is the killer.

Can admin give us another option? "Sorry but you live to far away" and "have you actually read my profile??" the options available are at times not sufficient to convey what is really meant

Posted by: Sonn at June 1, 2007 8:29 AM

Rude, crude and in fact not nice to know = those who cannot move themselves to reply though I think some of the automated replies are not very good at expressing what one would like to say. I always reply but at times have felt rather uncomfortable with the choices available. As far as the stamps are concerned I am really annoyed at the reduction of 6 months to 2 months for 6 stamps. 6 months was really comfortable for me and because of the reduction to 2 months I had determined I was going to finish with RSVP as soon as the last lot ran out. Then when I received 2 positive kisses and only 1 stamp left I felt I had too much integrity not to spend the next $54.95 to be able to send an email to 1 person. DEFINITELY when this lot runs out I will not be here any more. I will find some other site. For some of us we are not going to be on the top receiving end of a lot of kisses or emails so this becomes extremely expensive. On average I believe each stamp for a real connection where I have gone ahead and met someone has probably cost me about $40-$50 each, so it rubs a bit of salt in when some just cannot be bothered to reply!

Posted by: kristy_r (not my rsvp name) at May 31, 2007 11:56 PM

Wow! Why is everyone so angry these days? I think alot of the people above could benefit from a little more of a forgiving nature. It's no wonder no-one wants to reply. I'm almost thinking that no caring, considerate, selfless type people join RSVP. Maybe it might not be too clear why people don't reply, but it isn't the end of your romantic life. Live a little, dare to look for someone who wants to look for you and stop worrying about people who are not totally looking for you only : ) Respect the fact that you are worth something to someone and you never know where you might find them. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.....if it's not, don't beat yourself up over it (or anyone else). Sorry if I rambled a bit, just think the world would be a nicer place if everyone could be a bit nicer....

Posted by: mecheng at May 31, 2007 10:29 PM

I cannot stand men that after seeing your picture reply with 'look forward to receiving your email' so you spend some money and send an email, and then no reply, or an auto refuse!!

Posted by: Smiling74 at May 31, 2007 8:37 PM

I agree that not replying to a kiss is bad manners...yes I know the response options are not quite adequate in some instances but manners are manners!! Not replying to an email, particularly an email that has been 'solicited' via the kiss reply response "...am interested and look forward to your email", is quite simply unacceptable behaviour!!!
I guess I'm a bit 'old fashioned' in that I have no problem with bearing the cost of making contact..or coffee/meal/movie etc. Sharing the cost is something that comes later if the relationship develops further. I guess we have to accept that people change their minds and the reality is that sending a 'kiss' or emailing doesn't imply an exclusive 'agency'....how many of us have for instance been in the market for a house, fallen in love with one and on the way to the office to sign the contract seen another that makes the first pale into insignificance...very crude analogy I know..but you get my drift. Maybe you sent a kiss weeks ago...the recipient was away/busy and you moved on to another choice and then get a positive reply from your original choice....once again it comes back to manners...explain your situation and if people get abusive over something like that then consider yourself lucky!!! There have been some good suggestions….auto reminders etc but at the end of the day rude people will always be rude…..we just take it on the chin and get on with life.

Posted by: Jamesfnq at May 31, 2007 8:34 PM

Educated, honest,adult, and people who have been raised with consideration for others, need not read this cos it doesnt apply to you. TO ALL THE OTHERS READ THIS THREAD COS ITS VERY RUDE TO NOT AT LEAST SAY SORRY I MADE A MISTAKE....OR NOT SEND AN EMAIL WHEN YOU SAID YOU WOULD...I could go on but i think you get the idea

Posted by: cookbrekkyfor2 at May 31, 2007 6:20 PM

No replies are rude, especially if you have taken the time and actually READ the profile and think that there may be something in common.

As "non stamp" members we should have the option that says "have you actually read my profile??"

Posted by: Sonn at May 31, 2007 3:56 PM

I replied to a kiss favourably and nervously keen to learn more. Then nothing. Like the etiquette thing. Really though if you initiate contact and I'm keen leaving it open for more contact then buy the stamp and get in touch, don't just ignore me! Maybe we do need a etiquette guide on sending and receiving and perhaps some decent kiss messages and responses. You like my sense of humour means what, you think I'm funny or you want to meet me?

Posted by: TheCannulator at May 31, 2007 3:40 PM

What really annoyed me was when you kissed someone and they kissed you back, so you spent money e-mailing them and then they either refused to reply or said they had changed their mind. Come on! Are we adults or children?

Posted by: woodnwine at May 31, 2007 2:34 PM

I need to go over the answers to date, but right now am getting a headache {no glasses, and they are being paid off}

BUT...

I am one of those that is reluctant to reply to messages, namely because there's not an option for my thoughts... of

I'm flattered by your kiss/email etc... however, on checking your profile I notice that I do not match your ideal mate. Have you thought about this, and if so, what is it about my profile that makes you want to make contact?

This way, I know I've let them know that I'm thinking of them also...

Just my two cents worth, and that way, I wouldn't be setting msyelf up again if they did responds etc..

Posted by: Madame SansAmant at May 31, 2007 1:45 PM

THE PROBLEM MY FRIENDS, in my humble opinion is PARTLY to do with RSVP's lame level of kiss response criteria. I'd rather take the time to click from a mega-ton of optional tick-boxes that created a custom message for a nice girl that took the time to kiss me! This would give the kisser a true indication of the situation without being seen as some sort of lame-arsed palm-off when often its not! FOR EXAMPLE: MistaMusic78 thinks your picture is really pretty (and/or) profile is great (and/or) you have a lot in common, BUT can't touch base with you because... He's already meeting up with people (or) cant because of (work/dating/chilling/whatever), but he definately would be interested in someone like you if things don't work out OR ESPECIALLY... 'would love to be only friends at the moment because (insert reason). If you're still interested in that, he'd love you to shoot him an email etc etc etc. you get the idea!

The current ones are functional but crap. Leave them there for the sake of simplicity and give us an 'ADVANCED' box so we can be a bit genuine about it all. Sometimes a palm-off can be nothing of the sort!

Cheers Guys ... Mark

Posted by: MistaMusic78 at May 30, 2007 10:29 PM

I think that no response to a kiss really says it all, they're not interested....move on, I must admit that I have been guilty of it in the past, though usually only when it is very clear that the person HAS NOT read my profile. What I find very rude is not responding to an email when you asked for one, I personally do not have a "stash" of stamps and really only purchase them when I'm asked for an email, they're not cheap, and unless you just a complete ahole, there must have been a reason you asked for an email in the first place, so reply, its not that hard!!!! Geez I could mention some names here....but I won't grrrrr......

Posted by: Tigalili at May 30, 2007 10:28 PM

After sending heaps of kisses out, but getting no replies, just how long a period is fair, before one stops hoping for a reply, even one which is "thanks but no thanks". One would know very soon and then reconsider options.

But the biggest bugbear is those who send kisses/messages to people who have clearly stated the age group which they would like to hear from, then to get an younger member,even younger than grandaughters trying to get you to contact them,

Posted by: FiremanB at May 30, 2007 10:23 PM

Unfortunately this is a sign of the times where we have lost something from our society. Possibly we have been hurt before or dont like risks but when it comes down to it a simple act of reply is so easy. We all have a tendency to think of ourselves highly and rarely examine our own motivations critically. i for one believe in never dying wondering and wish all those who receive a kiss would reply this may help us all to examine why we are on this site.

Posted by: labeemer at May 30, 2007 9:58 PM

After reading all these comments I felt quite bad so I have gone and tried to reply to everyone who had sent me a kiss. I'm fairly new to all this, so I wasn't fully aware of the etiquette but it seems most guys would prefer a response, I guess it makes for good karma. It is hard to know how to respond sometimes though as I would feel bad asking someone to pay for a reply!

Posted by: hi03 at May 29, 2007 11:12 PM

Hey, can I divert the attention a bit to PHOTO that a few of you have mentioned? After all, it's related to how we reply. I don't have any photo. Though RSVP reminded me that I would get 10 (?) times more responses if I have one. I am happy with it. Owing to my profession I cannot post my photo at this site and there are many people like me. Password control is not fool-proof in protecting privacy. e.g. someone may ask you for your photo password and then disappear, that's creepy as one blogger has said. I like it this way, no photo, and I don't mind guys not having their photos until we are matching in mind and ready to meet. My personal opinion/experience is that the playful and insincere one won't have time for me, and that suits me best. I feel myself giving full attention to the person's profile, a communication (if truly written) not distracted by a person's look. I feel also better that he likes my mind (by the reflection of what I do as written in my profile) first, not just my look.
Again, you may disagree with me but for guys who are not interested in gals without a photo, it's none of your business and I am not interested in you if you are block-minded. For gals with photos, enjoy your success. However, RSVP put "CONTACT ME FOR A PHOTO" in the grey icon, that's not what we want. Some guys sent me their photo passwords, and kept on sending kisses asking for my photo password. I was interested at the beginning, and in the end I sent a NO reply because I thought the guy was too thick. Later, I think, would it be possible that they didn't know the grey icon meant "no photo", not "you will have it if you ask"? I am not interested for whatever reasons anymore. Writing I have no photo in my profile is a bit redundant, just as I read somewhere a lady has specified her ideal partner's age range 40-45, and she's 46, but she makes a big and separate statement that guys under 40 should not apply! If people ignore your words, they ignore them anyway, what's the point of using up the limited 1800 characters in the profile. However, by using correct words in the icon can avoid misundertanding, then why not? Would RSVP consider replace the message with NO PHOTO, or likewise?
By the way, I would like to consider myself fair and well-manner. I NEVER ask anyone for a photo password as I am unable to provide one. However, if you send me your password, I appreciate your trust. You do it under your free will, please DON'T abuse me if I cannot produce one in return. A guy just did that. I don't care very much about his behaviour as it helps me to eliminate him from being eligible. A photo is really not that important to me because as many of you have said, the real person is completely different & not recognizable as the person in photo. A gross up photo is non-comparable to a live person with expression.

Posted by: a little woman at May 29, 2007 11:06 PM

Here is an example of what I have been talking about on this blog.

A lady responds to my kiss and asks for an email so I send her one.

This is a part of the first reply (at least I got a first reply).

"I am relatively new to rsvp -have just joined in the last few months - it can be disillusioning and challenging. ... What sort of business are you in?"

So I reply, not to wordy and expand on my profile a little.

NO RESPONSE

So I send another email after a few days.

"Just checking to see if you got my last email?"

Reply "I haven't received an email for quite a while. Thanks for emailing but I would rather not keep emailing at the moment.
Best wishes and I hope you find what you're looking for."

??? Some people should decide if they really want to meet people or just play stupid games on RSVP.

Posted by: annoyed at May 29, 2007 11:03 PM

It is hard when you receive a 'kiss' and look at the photo and profile and simply KNOW that this ain't going to work. I have been guilty of sending an excuse reply 'contacting someone else' rather than no reply at all. Maybe RSVP could look at changing some of those kiss response messages like providing one small window with limited number of characters for a brief individual 'rejection' reason?? It's good feedback and I think as many have said, we are all adults and can take honest feedback, rather than silence! It's also of course their loss in not trying to get to know the person under the pretence of a posed Kodak and artificial, verbal posing. It tells us nothing but it's all we have to start with and we each have the right to have a certain taste for types - and be honest about it! What's worse - a rejection message, or being led on to buy stamps, or worse, meet a creep? I think RSVP does a great job! You will never get a uniform set of equally great members.

Posted by: monty15 at May 29, 2007 9:49 PM

I agree, not responding when you send the kiss is just plain rude, I do respond to all emails and kisses saying that I am either interested or not. If I say that I am looking forward to your email I really am and not to hear back is harsh. Sometimes you really look forward to hearing from that person thinking that they might be the one, but no reply is just thoughtless. At least have the good manners to say sorry got it wrong!

Posted by: razzamataz2 at May 29, 2007 9:30 PM

My profile states "read the blogs"

In the last 4 weeks I kissed two 'females' (they have proved themselves to be nothing better).

Both requested eMail - so I
bought some stamps.
Results.
First one "life is a little hectic right now. and i am travelling os in june. i think i should not date so sorry if i gave you the wrong idea" shameon you
and the second:
"I am sorry to say that I overlooked/ missed your age. don't like multiples of 7" - so why don't you put in your profile you're into numerology etc. Luckily I found out now instead of after a date or 3.
Suggestion:
If you are into numbers/ astrology or not available for some reason (that's if she is going overseas) please have the courtesy to say so in your profile.
And please don't answer a kiss with "awaiting your eMail".
Or should I ask her to comment on the blogs first so I know she is real?
I have more respect for my fellow bloggers.
Profile: A license to cheat and not be held accountable. And no one else will find out.
that's my gripe.....

Posted by: dlad54 at May 29, 2007 9:24 PM

I think the site has improved but , sending kiss then they are interested then not is a mystery to me first yes then no i don't get it , i think it should forced to responding its only fair for the other person .I think charge more for this RSVIP is not good , why pay more when the service you provide is not up to standard other sites do not charge for this . I think the site should be in catergories for example Serious relationships , Casual , or time wasters (which there a lot here) sorry to be harsh but this how feel i hope this helps to make it better . People won't mind to pay a little more if it worth . I am not the only male who feels like this.

Thanks Tony

Posted by: Gemtlegiant35 at May 29, 2007 9:07 PM

Can I just say a reason for the non answer of the emails might be because they say something so objectionable or even something that makes you think, no this person is not right for me. You have requested an email and now don't wish to correspond with them so you chicken out and do nothing in the hope it will just go away and be forgotten!!!

I recently said email me to a fellow RSVPer and didn't like his response, I felt bad that I had wasted his stamp but I did respond back and appologised and said thanks but no thanks.

Funny what people say in their emails which seems so contrary to their profile!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: gypsy (not my rsvp name) at May 29, 2007 7:18 PM

I agree it is just plain rude when you send a email to someone who say's they are interested and then you do not hear back from them. Stamps are expensive and to not receive a reply is so frustrating to say the lest. The service supplied by RSVP is great its just some of the people that use it.

Posted by: mrallheart62 at May 29, 2007 6:19 PM

The rudest thing is wasting stamps on those who respond to your kisses with "Is interested in receiving your email soon", so you write to them and they don't respond at all, Wasting your time and money. The stamps on here are not cheap, if you're not really interested then don't respond that you are. That's a real cop out and makes you a jerk.

Posted by: Indyana at May 29, 2007 6:02 PM

Treat others as you would expect them to treat you. Some reply is better than no reply at all,it is basic courtesty. I have replied to everyone that has contacted me, and I have wished them all the best, with their search. I am not the kind of person to leave someone hanging on to false hope, it is best to answer people straight away when you can so everyone knows where they stand. It is not up to rsvp, it is up to adults to be adults.

Posted by: seekingsomeonegreat at May 29, 2007 3:10 PM

Beware the forced kiss replies I think. It could lead to greater frustration and more wasted emails. The "forced to repliers" might think it is their right to"pay you back for daring to bother them" and send false messages resulting in more wasted stamps.

I can't seem to find the post again, but whoever suggested the "Send an invitation to email with refund if they don't respond" I think you have a great idea. It is fair to both RSVP and the members. Fantastic!

Stillooking4you.. had to smile at your suggetion.

LittleWoman I am sure that people here have "let go" but all agree it is great to be able to compare notes and vent frustrations.

Posted by: patience at May 29, 2007 3:06 PM

How would some of these rude people, that ask for an email and then don't bother to send a FREE reply, feel if we listed them in this blog?

Posted by: ! at May 29, 2007 2:00 PM

How about adding the following to the list of terrible responses:

"I am a very rude person and couldn't be bothered responding to your kiss or email so don't bother me again."

Posted by: stilllookin4you at May 29, 2007 1:56 PM

Hey ed, the guy had me blocked less than 12 hours after sending me the kiss.... after reading this blog i'd guess he was going for top 100. As a newby it was just a bit disturbing... On another note, smoking, well i can't believe i'm the only smoker on this site, but it seems everyone else is non smoker or trying to quit or occasional. As to replies to kisses i have replied to each one. I have only received one reply back to the ones i have sent. (2, but one was my friend we tested when we signed up)... lol. Gotta make this thing fun...

Posted by: honesfirecracker at May 29, 2007 8:52 AM

[Ed: Not sitting on our hands, waiting for a consensus more like... would you all like us to force people to clear their unreplied kisses before they can send new ones?]

I think that would be one of the more sensible and easy options to implement.

With people being limited to 20 kisses a day (from memory) a forced reply to kisses and emails would be great.

Logging on and being taken straight to a mailbox page listing outstanding kisses / mails to be answered prior to being allowed to navigate to the next screen, may come as a rude shock to some of the people out there, but I think it's fair. If not for the kisses, it seems appropriate for mails - purely because of the cost associated with the communication.

And to the lady who asked for my picture, then asked for an email 7 days ago and still hasn't replied... Shame shame shame! :P

Posted by: Classified1 at May 29, 2007 12:57 AM

In the real world sometimes the most polite thing to do is to say no, sometimes it is to ignore the approach. A kiss can mean "I want to talk to you", but it can also just be paying someone a compliment. And if someone is just paying you a compliment, it's totally out of order to "reject" them. So what do you do?
To RSVP: 1. Could we have two grades of "kiss"? One that means "I like your profile" and one that means "I want to make contact". Understood that you might make less sales of wasted stamps but you'll retain more customers. 2. Could we have a third profile setting that made our profile invisible to all but the person/people with whom we are in email contact? That would solve the problem of kisses being sent and having to be replied to with "responded to someone else". If I've just responded to someone and don't want to receive any kisses I feel quite rude leaving my profile up, but I have no choice.

Posted by: Blonaparte at May 28, 2007 11:20 PM

Im guilty of not replying to kisses. Rude? Many people beleive so. What makes it rude? Its pretty simple, if theres no response to a kiss, the person is not keen. Would you rather read one of the lame rsvp generated excuses. Like ..... has recently responded to someone else so is not currently blah blah. Who has selected that one just to respond to someone in the most "gentle" way possible in an attempt to soften the blow. Sure, on the face of it, such a message is fairly neutral but who feels satisfied when they read that cr*p anyway.

Posted by: realjstad at May 28, 2007 10:29 PM

To the editor,

Yes it would definitely be a good idea to stop people sending kisses or emails until they have cleared their "in tray".

Posted by: stilllookin4you at May 28, 2007 2:25 PM

NO - I would not like RSVP to force people to clear their unreplied kisses before they can send new ones. I want to know if they are rude and their non reply speaks volumes. I reply to all kisses and all initial emails. I get about 50% responses to my kisses out and about 20% to my emails which is truely shocking - the men showed interest to my kiss and asked for an email and then poof..... no reply. NOTHING....

Posted by: sweetchristine at May 28, 2007 2:04 PM

dear bloggers. i have been away on a geographical imposibility from los angeles. i am tempted to sign back in but i gotta tell you..jason is right. i left this site because when you get a kiss reply to your kiss...then buy stamps...the girls then either disasapear or are 10 years older than their photo. This has started the rumour that the guys who run the site put a couple of glams in there to get us to buy stamps. You know, the ones that make you say ' what the hell is SHE doing in here?????". I have done now 2 Blink dating events and 2 guys have had same experience. Now, having said that, as our moderator is listening...i have also met a few girls on blink dating who say, and i quote 'i receive 50 kisses a day..i feel like i've been violated'. As you can see, its mainly guys that don't get replies to kisses and thats because the majority of us are in hunter mode and kiss, it seems, everything under the sun. Thus, the poor girls are inundated and so can't possibly reply to all kisses. I don't know about you lot but in the 6 month trial I gave this system I recieved about 5 kisses a day (and most were from russian brides)...and I had a photo up and all. But in 6 months I kissed a total of 35 girls..which is less than 6 a month. I believe that if we all (guys and gals) want this invention to work better then guys should be limited to say 3 kisses a day. Then the girls won't be lambasted which means they will find the time and courtesy to reply.

Posted by: cezzaro at May 28, 2007 12:22 AM

[Ed: Not sitting on our hands, waiting for a consensus more like... would you all like us to force people to clear their unreplied kisses before they can send new ones?]

Yessssssss!!!!! Perfect solution.

Posted by: Misty31 at May 27, 2007 11:06 PM

So many ideas and suggestions, can we just accept that in society there're all walks of life and you cannot demand others to follow your code of conduct, can you make your children behave as you want and when you want? Can the teacher make them behave better? I DO respond to every kiss and only ask the other to send me an email if I decide to give it a go. Can you just LET GO and congratulate yourself that you have eliminated a bad suitor from your list without wasting further time and money?
It will be a lousy system to rate the response of each member just because a few of you feel the grievances caused by rude people. Aren't we mature enough to MOVE ON and DON'T WAIT? I don't quite like Miss Difference's attitude of no response but can't help to admire her honesty & gut to speak out here and see her points.
What I see sensible is the suggestion that those who send an email out without a response within a reasonable time, say, 2 weeks, will get their stamp money back from RSVP. RSVP, PLEASE NOTE. But then, I can see holes in it that some may abuse the system to send crafted emails to target the recipients. This is a likely scenario considering the emails from married/attached man who can't accept a no and believe it or not, a man send an email and almost suggest how much he can buy that woman, my friend! So, a pretty woman may have her own problem different from yours and I can sympathise with her that she doesn't have to reply the bad ones.

Posted by: a little woman at May 27, 2007 11:05 PM

Regarding getting back to people, it is unfortunately a fine line (as a female who received about 130 kisses in just over a week and this email isn't to brag), I agree, one should respond in the most honest and reasonable way possible, as soon as possible. I also believe one should be a little careful about giving their phone numbers out as despite usually being a very good judge of character, after a week on RSVP, I hid my profile as 1.there were too many to respond to and 2.I had a couple of incidents with 2 guys who abused me via text as 1. I had not called him back within "his" time frame (=4 hours)..... Not meaning to sound nasty but at the time I was actually helping a friend with the death of her partner, and did not acknowledge any calls as obviously my attention was appreciated by my friends. When I text back to explain, I was then given further abuse. 2.Another example, I met somebody through RSVP that I wanted to catch up on a Saturday night whom I exceptionally liked, had a lot in common with on both a general and spiritual level and had just responded to my kiss and wanted to catchup on that night. As I do not think it is fair to juggle and did not want to have a string of dates, I sent an email to a person I had made arrangements to catch up (for the first time on the Sunday) explaining the situation and thanking them very much for their interest and apologised for "mucking them about" so to speak. What was I meant to do... see the guy.... when I believed and felt it was not the right thing to do. ?? Apart from his sexual references and remarks, I received 4 abusive texts from this guy. Hmmmm.... Sorry guys, but sometimes it is not a personal thing... nobody likes rejection, but I think I did the right thing by both of the guys. I have absolutely no regrets in meeting the date on the Saturday night as we really got along well and clicked. However, if he doesn't want to see me again, I would be disappointed as I think he is great, but I am not going to sit by the computer or jump everytime the phone rings and I would respect this decision. Naturally I am extremely happy that I cancelled the other guy, as if he abuses someone for trying to do the right thing and say that they had met someone else.. and he behaved like that... then aren't I the lucky one for not ever meeting him!! Hey everyone, right or wrong, this is going to happen on a site like this more often than not. It happens to us all! It happens to people who meet naturally in life, in pubs, clubs and just out and about. However, my plea would be that if people are not going to have the emotional intelligence and maturity to confront their own fears and insecurities in dating ... or when building a relationship on this site in any way or form, then I guess we should all just not try to have relationships at all.....Hence, if one cant be mature in ones outlook at this fast and ever changing world then why do they sign up on a site? Just to also mention guys ... and I am sure there are girls out there like this also, but there are many that have a lovely and aparently "honest" profile on the site then by the 3rd or 4th paragraph in a phone conversation, say on the phone that they only want sex and a lover occasionally... Tis all cool to be straight up front and honest..... however, why are you on this site......and dont state this in your actual profile? hmmm... arent there other sites for this?!!! So have a have a think about that. So.....in summary, (as I know I sidetracked but I just wanted to point out the word "honesty", and before one points the finger at others, one should look at their own true motivation). Agreed, it is honest and polite to give everybody a response, but for those who are waiting for replies.... please have the flexibility and adaption to consider that some people do lead busy lives and also have the right to go back on line anytime and whenever they wish. Not everybody is bad, a witch and a nasty piece of work ....and on behalf of the girls who do not respond... I do sincerely apologise... I trust one day they (like everyone), will treat all with the respect, dignity and honesty that everyone deserves. Remember, that we are all learning in this world so dont be too hard on others... as generally it is not a personal attack, it is just people responding according to their own conditioned responses, or a busy life and geeezzz.... let us hope that we ourselves have the maturity to have compassion for others that cant see or act in a dignified and polite manner. All we can do is try and be the best person we believe ourselves to be, treat others well and move forward and on from there.

My many thanks to RSVP for providing this great service, as it provides amazing opportunites to bring people together that would otherwise possibly never be and is a terrific way to meet new friends and like minded people if we all think proactively and so wish. Well done RSVP. :-)

Posted by: rebelatheart2 at May 27, 2007 10:32 PM

Great to see all the discussion this topic has generated. I always reply to kisses and emails, agreeing that it is good manners to do so. I'd love the chance in some cases to give a brief reason for rejection as it can feel harsh after the compliment offered - maybe there could be an option to write a sentence or two in a kiss reply? I was shocked to hear of members inviting someone to spend money on an email and then not giving the courtesy of a response. I just wanted to add my support to the idea of a rating on whether kisses and/or emails are replied to within a 2 week period; sounds like a good objective system (might be good to have some kind of rectification system though if reply late because away, etc given what some other posters have said). I have a password protected photo for privacy in a work context too (hear hear gratitudegirl). It would also be great if people could be given the chance to send another kiss reply to a "photo request" kiss if you've said you're interested. I also just wanted to add my confirmation of the approach by a couple of others - if I've said I'm corresponding with someone else, I really am - through the RSVP website, so will be on-line.

Posted by: SunnyEpicurean at May 27, 2007 8:04 PM

I’m delighted this topic became a blog after I wrote to customer support wondering if I could find out if others experienced the same issues as me. My major bug bear is with stamps. If you receive a kiss response indicating someone would like to receive a stamp from you and respond buying a stamp accordingly, stupidly I think I’ll get an email back in the one month of email communication I’ve paid for. Alas twice now, not a peep of response.

This is where I’d like to ask the question of online dating etiquette. For heaven’s sake you fellow RSVP members, don’t play games online, it’s bad enough experiencing it face to face in the real world. If you’re not interested in contact via a kiss sent by a fellow member then just respond you are not interested. It’s not that difficult, after all we are all hiding behind a sort of anonymous veil of the RSVP site.

My exception to the rule are kisses I receive from married men looking for ‘a friend’ which clearly isn’t a requirement in my profile. You make my skin crawl so I don’t respond.

Posted by: Ondreyah1 at May 27, 2007 7:04 PM

I've read through some of the comments and most seem to think it is rude not to reply to a kiss. But is it really worth getting bothered about it. Ive sent kisses and dont get replies and I think "oh well this is after all the internet". This is a site where most (not all) are hiding behind a computer and really are not being genuine and really dont give things like repling a second thought. So I move on...and i say the word "karma".

One more thing I will say I agree with some people about the stamp thing. It would be good to purchase one or two stamps at a time instead of wasting my earned money on having to buy stamps that get wasted or expire. I have bought them in the past and they have expired and I only needed one at the time.

Posted by: lotsofsmiles10 at May 27, 2007 6:38 PM

I think a reply should be a matter of good manners, but not forced to reply. As for telling the truth in the profiles well that has been my experiance with meeting people of the 3 ladies i have met, all were lovely, but none matched their profile picture(unrecognizable in fact) and all smoked after saying that they were non smokers, i didnt really care, but there was deception straight up, so where do you go from there. lastly yes i am one who looks for 5 to ten years younger than myself, and so understand your comments but it goes both ways , males/females all do it, and the simple answer is a polite thanks, but no thanks. good forum, nice input by all.

Posted by: Sundance47 at May 27, 2007 5:07 PM

Personally I would appreciate a reply whether they are interested or not, then I know where I stand and I can move on and keep looking. I feel it is just plain rude not to reply.

Posted by: bec072 at May 27, 2007 4:56 PM

Excellent suggestion Bob51, but that would immediately cut out a large chunk of RSVP's revenue from unsolicited emails. Obviously not in their interests to implement.

Posted by: psynix at May 27, 2007 4:55 PM

Hi again everyone. I think we have said it over and over again. Please respond to a kiss, whether we want one or not. For those who dont mind well fine. If you get an email then please reply as it is costing the sender.
But for the over fifties a great meeting place on a Friday night is the supermarket. Believe me there are wonderful people out there cruising the isles after work. Go check it out.
As for having password protected photos, in small places it is necessary, and especially for professionals, we live in fish bowls as it is - why go advertising to all and sundry that we are also looking for someone to date as well!!!
Privacy is a rarity in this day and age.
And finally I have to agree with stilllooking4you, those 90 year olds who are trying to pass themselves off as 40 year olds, need to remember that none of us is blind, to the 28 year olds that send me kisses thanks but no thanks, I am in my fifties, my children are older than you, read my profile I mean what I say.
Cheers Tandi1.

Posted by: Tandi1 at May 27, 2007 4:51 PM

To lesson the blow of rejecting someones interest perhaps it would be decent if rsvp allowed a single email reply at no cost so that people could persolnalise their kiss replies if they are of the "decline your offer nature"

Posted by: at May 27, 2007 4:44 PM

rsvp you are sitting on your hands. telling all your apparently valued clients you have little power to do anything about people replying to kisses or emails especially is way of the mark and reflects poorly on your company.i think we all know that you are in it to make money and no one should dispute that fact,but you also have a duty of care to your again so called valued clients.there are a number of people complaining about a certain issuse but you brazenly hold us all sitting here like fools saying you can't do anything. complete rubbish.
what the hell has happen to good old fashion values and manners.

[Ed: Not sitting on our hands, waiting for a consensus more like... would you all like us to force people to clear their unreplied kisses before they can send new ones?]

Posted by: nuffnuff7 at May 27, 2007 4:25 PM

I guess those people that don't respond to your kiss or the email that you sent are people you would not want to have a relationship with anyway. At least you know early on that he/she is lacking in social graces.

Posted by: imissyou at May 27, 2007 4:16 PM

I'm fine with no replies to kisses but the worst is when you are asked to send an email, do so, and get know reply. That is utter rudeness. There's a certain anonymity here that can lead some to act as if they aren't dealing with real people. They can switch off easily.
A possible way around this:
Instead of the buyer of the stamps sending an email he or she sends an invitation to the other party to contact them. If the other party has not replied before the invitation expires then the stamp remains with the sender. Automated replies could cover the "I'm not interested" situation which would return the stamp to use elesewhere.

Posted by: Joe at May 27, 2007 4:14 PM

The most annoying thing I find is you let a man email you, you share your mobile number and are barraged with smutty texts and phone calls. Nowhere on my profile doe sit suggest I am looking for this and nowhere on theirs doe sit warn you'll get Shane Warne type texts at all hours!

Posted by: Ophelia78 at May 27, 2007 3:09 PM

It all comes down to choices I suppose. Of course it must be annoying not to get a reply but then again there could be reasons why there's a delay: situational or emotional reasons such as lots of e-mails, lack of time or interest, mood, state of mind, etc. I suppose we just have to be patient and respect others. This could be a good indication of what kind of a person the other party is, could be fate or just the other party waiting for the right time. You really can't force anyone to like you. We make our own choices and judgment base on what we feel the others can take (I have replied sometimes that I have been responding to someone just to not hurt people) or our limited resources (time & understanding) or gut feel.... whatever it is, just don't take things too seriously as it is NOT personal. People get rejected NOT because of their photos alone, there are factors such as compatibility, lifestyle or limited description on "kiss responses".

The only thing that annoys me is when someone "kisses me with - I'd really like to know you" then they don't do anything more than that.

Oh another thing that annoys me is that I don't usually kiss and when I do it doesn't mean I'm easy. Maybe I just really "liked your sense of humor" so don't get too cocky.

This is internet - it's really hard to convey personality, photos, voice, feelings and more. If you really like someone, just initiate the contact (look who's talking, ahahaha... I was shy myself before) and chat if you have to.

Kissing back and forth gets you nowhere. Nothing comes for free.

Posted by: Hotcocoa15 at May 27, 2007 2:04 PM

It all comes down to choices I suppose. Of course it must be annoying not to get a reply but then again there could be reasons why there's a delay: situational or emotional reasons such as lots of e-mails, lack of time or interest, mood, state of mind, etc. I suppose we just have to be patient and respect others. This could be a good indication of what kind of a person the other party is, could be fate or just the other party waiting for the right time. You really can't force anyone to like you. We make our own choices and judgment base on what we feel the others can take (I have replied sometimes that I have been responding to someone just to not hurt people) or our limited resources (time & understanding) or gut feel.... whatever it is, just don't take things too seriously as it is NOT personal. People get rejected NOT because of their photos alone, there are factors such as compatibility, lifestyle or limited description on "kiss responses".

The only thing that annoys me is when someone "kisses me with - I'd really like to know you" then you don't do anything more than that.

Oh another thing that annoys me is that I don't usually kiss and when I do it doesn't mean I'm easy. Maybe I just really "liked your sense of humor" so then get too cocky.

This is internet - hard to convey personality, photos, voice, feelings and more. If you really like someone, just initiate the contact (look who's talking, ahahaha... I was shy myself before) and chat if you have to.

Kissing back and forth gets you nowhere. Nothing comes for free.

Posted by: Hotcocoa15 at May 27, 2007 2:00 PM

To stilllookin4you, thank you for your comment here and your response online. The gesture has restored my faith. Good luck to you...Gis.

Posted by: AmDoingIt at May 27, 2007 12:12 PM

CynicalGirlOz, you get a few kisses per day? I'm lucky to get a single kiss in a week. But anyway, thats beside the point lol. My thoughts are that these people might think they could change your mind about it. Maybe you should put a little note in your profile about it and the unsuitables might stop kissing you. If they don't read that part and still send a kiss, you can send a reply kiss saying that your profiles don't match instead of not replying at all. I mean if it's that important to you, you should give more information about it.

I totally agree with you that the desire for kids says a lot about people. Not trying to offend you or anything, but I find the desire not to have kids to indicate selfishness and would never send someone a kiss who didn't want kids. But it's your choice....

Bob51, I find the percentage is closer to 70%

Posted by: Shigui at May 27, 2007 7:07 AM

i agree with a lot of what has been written about. i send a lot of kisses out to men, but always get back they have responded to somebody else, yet I still see them on rsvp every day, so i gather that response must have fallen through!!! And i agree with amdoingit with regards to older men seeking much younger women. I think it is mostly an ego boost on their part and is more acceptable than a woman seeking a younger man.
If you aren't interested then say it rather than a lame excuse.

Posted by: ladyincairns at May 27, 2007 6:56 AM

I think some kind of karma system would work, that is displayed on the profile. It could simply be + for reply to all responses, neutral for reply to some and - if they reply to none. This way if you know their karma is - and you don't get a reply you know that that is just the way they are, or you may choose not to contact them. It could also be a Percentage of their replys. This way you only are rated by your own actions!

The idea should be to make people want to respond.

The other option may also be a canned response say if you are away on Holiday. I not able to respond right now but will be back shortly :-)

I also agree with other posts here in saying why should stamps expire? Maybe after 12 months of inactivity,ie not logging onto your account, but they should last until they are used. I recently bought new stamps and have noticed that they now only last for a maximum of 6 months and cost the same if not more than they did when they lasted for 12 months! Which essentailly means they have doubled in value.

Posted by: TechieGuy at May 27, 2007 2:04 AM

Amdoingit said "My main bug is for you more mature men out there. Why is it that you're nearly all looking for ladies at least 10/15 years younger than yourselves."

I don't know about the others out there but to me it is a waste of time sending a kiss to someone unless my profile is at least close to their "ideal profile". If I don't get a response then c'est la vie.

Posted by: stilllookin4you at May 27, 2007 12:05 AM

Unfortunately we all have faults and by no means are we perfect, me especially! I am a single male who doesn't smoke, but in the last 10 RSVP female contacts I have had, over half do smoke, whilst their profile says they don't. It generally comes down to an excuse of some dramatic action in their lives causing the action of smoking to re-occur. This is both offensive and strikes at the heart of integrity. Automatically I have been place in a situation of acceptance or rejection, when originally I didn't want the complication. It then leeds to further issues of how true a person they really are. Your word is really who you are! Generating these doubts is not the way to really advance what you do seek. The worst part is after contact viewing the re-initiated profiles, stating exactly the same. I don't have anything against people who smoke, Its their choice and their right. The best thing was getting smokes out of nightclubs, Now RSVP. Maybe as a whole we can pull together and create a solution. I believe this is larger than we think, though it isn't that important to those who do it.
Thankyou
Graham

Posted by: FuturePossibilities at May 26, 2007 10:41 PM

Hmmmmm, lots of tender feelings of rejection happening in this blog. Understandable. We are all here for the same thing, ultimately. We bring to the table various ways of interacting, responding & expectations of similar values.
Me.... I would like a man who values honesty the same as I do, even if the truth hurts I'll still speak my truth.

Posted by: TrumansCat at May 26, 2007 10:28 PM

No replies don't bother me - it means 'not interested' so I move on. About 40% of women do not answer kisses and as some women get hundreds of kisses I don't blame them. I don't answer some either when its obvious the sender has not read my profile - perhaps their motive is to get into the top 100.

The internet has many strange people which RSVP cannot control - men pretending to be women, marrieds pretending to be single, profiles with someone else's photo, etc. This is where RSVPs pay per contact is not helpful - each dud costs us. I would rather pay $50 for a years membership and get unlimited emails than free membership and pay per stamp. The kiss system can prevent unsolicited emails - ie you cannot email someone unless they respond to your kiss and OK it.

Posted by: Bob51 at May 26, 2007 10:20 PM

I consider myself a girl who has common decency and a fair amount of old fashioned values but when I get kisses from people way outside my age range, from a different state or the ones that annoy me the most - the ones that have 'want children of my own' when my profile doesnt say 'want children' or even 'undecided' but simply 'dont want children' and they still send kisses...my profile says I am looking for a the real deal (and I consider a persons desire/non desire for children to be one of the most important qualities) I feel they have not acknowledged something extremely important to me so I must admit, I dont reply! I get a few of these kisses every day and it really annoys me!
I would never send a kiss to someone who has selected 'wants children' because I see absolutely no future possibilities there. Im sorry if my frustration at blatant lack of regard for my desires makes me a rude heartless person but I see a non reply as a reply. The moment the person sees my 'kiss reply in' email I am sure they get a little excited thinking they may have found someone only to find pure rejection. It makes me feel horrid.

Posted by: CynicalGirlOz at May 26, 2007 9:44 PM

Well.. I have joined the ranks of the confused as well.. I have been emailing with two ??? men for the last three weeks... and they both disappeared four days ago when I finally gave them my home ph no to call..maybe their handbrakes got stuck.!!!

No excuses for bad manners and immaturity...no second chances either...

Posted by: shaktianne at May 26, 2007 8:57 PM

RSVP the time honoured French abbreviation requesting a reply, to be found at the end of an invitation...usually followed by a date...

Ironic isn't it?

[Ed: Oui....]

Posted by: patience at May 26, 2007 8:54 PM

I received a kiss and replied that i was interested and waiting for email, his profile seemed great, and i am only new to this, he has blocked me. I can read his profile offline but not if i sign in. Go figure. I had such a problem with the first couple of contacts that i hid my profile for about a week..... Still not sure i want to stay on this site. C'mon guys read the profiles before you contact or respond....

Posted by: honestfirecracker at May 26, 2007 5:39 PM

Finally there's debate about the most frustrating thing about RSVP. Nine months ago I joined and for the past 6 months have totally forgotten about RSVP (deliberately) because of the way members respond to a "Kiss". Out of 34 I've probably received not more than 6 back. I don't mind if they're negative but it's simply manners to respond. Otherwise they should stay away from RSVP and leave the mannered people to correspond.

Posted by: Aquanut at May 26, 2007 4:43 PM

i think everyone should get over it, if someone doesnt reply or doesnt like the picture that is shown after an email or a 30 day chat whatever, well i dont think they should be penalised for stating an opinion.
good grieve i have my picture hidden for good reason because i like to choose who i do or dont show it too.
ppl send you kisses that your not even interested in. if you dont want to reply to these ppl well it should not be mandatory.

at least on rsvp you can ignore any unwanted attention, you cant do that if you pick up in a public place, you cannot ignore someone, easily.
ppl have the right to ignore ppl for reasons such as age limit 35 plus white caucasion only, no short men. assuming, any of the above ppl contact me that are outside of these limits than i will ignore any kisses or emails, that are being sent, i reserve the right to ignore such ppl.
just like a guy would not like to be contacted by a 40 year old plus size single mum who lives 40 kms away. now guys i bet you ignore those ppl. so stop your complaining if i add some other characteristics which are not to your liking to that profile i made. you would still ignore her, if she was in a pub or club, i bet you wouldnt approach with a 20 foot pole.
so the standards are the same for male and female.
just because you get a knock back once, or twice take it as a learning experience, if it is happening repeatably you may want to change something about yourself, so it doesnt happen again.
its like building a bridge self improvement takes time think of it as a hobby.

Posted by: Lisa at May 26, 2007 3:03 PM

Sorry stilllooking, but I too have had emails go unanswered even when they are free for the woman to reply.

So you are saying that I would be right to not buy any stamps and always expect the woman to send me an email even if I send her a kiss, and it's all justified because of what some other women have done in the past?

Isn't that the same as saying to someone "I want you to come over for dinner", and then telling them to cook it for you?
Doesn't sound very polite to me.

If I send the kiss, I will send the email. Ladies, if you are prepared to send a kiss but are not willing to send an email, then don't bother with a kiss.

Posted by: stoic at May 26, 2007 12:28 PM

I agree somewhat with "zynith". Many send kisses without fully reading my profile. I have a post graduate degree and I would probably waste my time corresponding with someone who didn't finish high school. They may have other wonderful traits but the conversation would probably be a little limited. Surprise surprise I have never had a smoker send me a kiss. Maybe the smokers do read the profile.

Posted by: stilllookin4you at May 26, 2007 11:02 AM

I now can understand why many ladies will not send an email even though they have initiated the contact. I have initiated many contacts and received kiss replies from some. I send an email to everyone who sends me a kiss reply and 50% don't bother to send a FREE email reply. I am sure that there are many ladies who have had the same experience and therefore never send an email even if they initiate the contact. They don't like wasting money also. I would like to hear from those that don't send a FREE reply to an email. I am really interested in why they don't send the FREE reply.

Posted by: stilllookin4you at May 26, 2007 10:54 AM

Albiorix: Oh boy, such evolved options. Ugly or egotistical. Neither a nor b, try c.

I lecture to many, many, many, many students a week, some of who are on this site. Some of us work in environments that are technology savvy and it would be extremely uncomfortable to be the subject of gossip.

I fully appreciate the philosphy of 'out and proud', and life on RSVP would be far more efficient if I was only getting kisses from men who already knew they were interested in me physically. Would save us all some time -- but until I move on to another career, not likely to happen. embarrassment.

Posted by: Gratitudegirl at May 26, 2007 10:51 AM

I must admit, i've deleted "kisses" without replying. but the reason I have done this is because the sender has clearly not read my profile. which is just as rude. if he had, he would realise how wildly mismatched we are. it appears "kisses" are sent just to gain access to a photo password with no real interest in the content of a profile

Posted by: zynith at May 26, 2007 10:49 AM

The range of available responses to kisses is adequate. I think that 'flattered but does not wish to correspond' should be the most common response. After all, someone has paid you a compliment by sending a kiss, and isn't that flattering? Don't they deserve a reply?

If you are using 'does not match my profile' often, then maybe you need to look at your profile and see if there is something you need to add or change. There is something you really don't like? Then be honest and say so in your profile.

How about saying in your profile whether it is really an 'ideal' or whether you want an exact match. If you want an exact match, then you are probably not realistic, and kidding yourself!

Not responding to an email after an exchange of kisses would be gameplaying and very wrong. Stopping writing without a sign off email is also cowardly and rude. You can send an email saying you do not wish to correspond further, and then block emails from them.

RSVP would be better without the inconsiderate people and the gameplayers.

I favour the idea of flagging the profiles of those who do not respond to kisses or emails within two weeks. If this offends some, and they quit RSVP, then the rest of us are better off without them.

One final point, why do women hide their photos? Is it because they think that we won't be interested because they think they are not good looking? Or is it because they are so egotistical and think that they are so beautiful, that every male on RSVP will send them kisses if we see their picture?

Please RSVP, when we do a search for profiles with pictures, do not show the profiles with password protected pictures. 'With pictures' means that I want to see a picture!

Flagging non responders, and allowing us to exclude password protected pictures from searches, would help us to sort the 'real' people from the players. Now, if you included this in RSViP, it might be worth the extra money.

Thanks everyone for taking the time to read this.

Posted by: albiorix at May 26, 2007 1:39 AM

Well isn't this a HOT topic for debate. Being new to this site what I found most interesting was that "kissing" someone give you a multitude of choices for messages (but hey you can only pick one!) yet on replying there are minimal choices and not always one with the "right" wording for you at the time.

My suggestion to RSVP is that they offer more than one message in the "kiss out" to give the receiver more of an idea as to what the admirer is interested in. Secondly the "reply kiss" should have a few more message options.

I have replied to every kiss i have received, but feel that asking for a email straight away (esp if they already have a photo and good profile - the only other two options) is a little unfair. Let us be able to respond to that persons profile the same way they have responded to ours.

Then maybe, a few more people would be happier to return that "Kiss" or should it be called a "WINK"

Posted by: trudestar75 at May 25, 2007 10:54 PM

Forgive me, fellow RSVPers, I have sinned... I have been guilty of non replies to "kisses" and even once (inadvertently - a long, boring story I won't go into here...) an email (but it was unsolicited). That was because I felt much like a couple of other people have mentioned, a non reply to my "kisses" meant no interest and it didn't bother me, so why was it necessary?

Once I began to read on people's profiles how upset this makes some people I "saw the error of my ways" and now always reply, but still don't care one way or the other if someone sends a "no thanks" to mine or just ignores them (I like the positive ones though - who doesn't!)

By the way, I'm female and have purchased a few stamps when moved to do so - definitely do not see it as being up to men to do! Good grief - what century is this, ladies, if you believe that??

Malsie

Posted by: Malsie at May 25, 2007 10:42 PM

Something I find pretty creepy is when I get a kiss asking for the password for my photo and when I send one back requesting to see theirs, I never hear from them again. I had one girl send me a kiss asking for the password for my photos when she didn't even have one of her own. I sent a kiss reply to ask her for her photo including my photo password and she uploaded some pics and never sent me her password. So whatever lol

Posted by: Shigui at May 25, 2007 9:44 PM

Hello everyone I just want to add a little something about the auto reply that say's 'I've recently responded to someone else.' I don't understand how this could be taken as someone lying if they're still on rsvp each day. Sometimes it feels safer/easier to keep communicating with the person you've met via the rsvp site for a while. This explains why you'll see this person online still, not because they lied to you. Secondly you need to log onto rsvp to reply to any new emails that may have been sent which is in keeping with good manners right? A person will still log on to be polite and answer any other emails they've received. I answer all email and kisses sent and if I say I've met someone it's true. It doesn't mean they're the right one but sometimes while you're trying to find that out it doesn't seem right or even easy to communicate with a lot of other rsvp-ers. I'd rather tell the truth if I'm currently getting to know someone else. And I think it's ludicrous to assume I'm a liar for saying so if I still log on. Phew, that was a mouthful. :)

Posted by: Kaissee at May 25, 2007 8:55 PM

Do not judge, and you will not be judged
Many people can't stop accusing me here. And as it was suggested I am not
going to put any of my opinions from this blog into my profile (unnamed)
I have never been rejected but did have no replies. And I am ok with that. (off
topic: I received a kiss requesting my photo password from the guy who does not
have any photo on rsvp, whose interest fields are not completed at all and whose
profile does not match my ideal partner.)
If someone here thinks that men buy stamps and women not, well, don't buy
then. Or is it one more accusation towards people who are different to you? (unnamed)
I believe that most people here have this frustration of no replies because
of emails, not kisses. If you do not get reply to a kiss it means a rejection.
If you get rejection kiss it is still a rejection so what is your point? You
want to teach adult people good manners?
Well, it's a little bit too late. You can't change anything. And maybe you
shouldn't? Maybe we just have to stop this dispute and start looking for the
right person, which would be right for you, but maybe be wrong for me.
In example with work interview, when you send your resume usually you get an
auto reply saying that if you do not hear from us during the next two weeks then
your application was not successful this time. :)
Another accusation is that I judge people by several lines on their profile.
But don't you do the same when sending a rejection kiss? (it sounds weird, which
place of your body I am actually kissing then :D ) (GedIntoLife)
You think I am rude because I do not reply to some kisses (but I do reply
emails). But how many of "repliers" open the door for a woman? Not for your date
- for any woman on the street.
I might sound hypocritical (stoic) but I do believe that you
can't change people and I do believe that someday for some person I would stop
being Miss Difference and will be Miss Perfection. No matter what I think about
all these "no replies".
I do have social graces, they are just different to
yours.Stop trying to change things, cause the only thing you can change is yourself
and your perception of other people. I wish you all good luck in search of your
love.
Warm Regards,
Miss Difference (future Miss/Mrs Perfection)
Special thanks to GratitudeGirl and Kiss.

Posted by: Miss Difference at May 25, 2007 8:44 PM

RE: Kisses v Emails.

There has got to be a lot of people out there saying gee I like that person, I'll send him/her a kiss hoping they respond with an email (hence contact can begin). Am I right? Stamps are expensive and some people just can't afford them. Of course there are those that are too cheap themselves to buy any and also those that have wasted emails on people too rude to respond so they say 'stuff it'.
I have ignored kisses too but it is only when they are from the serial el creepo who is virtually inviting me to experience the massage of my life (they are out there believe me) - brrrrrr.
I respond to every email also, even to El Creepos (shame they exist cos they stand out more than the lovely guys that are genuine).

Posted by: Rachael at May 25, 2007 7:35 PM

Sometimes you just don't have the heart to tell a guy thanks but no thanks. Also you may reply to a kiss with a yes interested remark but sometimes that's only because you are so curious as to why that person would want to communicate with you at all. Often I'm puzzled as to why some guys respond to my ad at all and I read their profiles and can reasonably conclude that there is absolutely nothing we have in common-this is literally 99.99% of the time. Hence I'm curious as to why they would want to contact me at all. I write a very specific profile and I'm really not interested in getting a lot of responses since I don't think that there are very many men who would be compatible with me as I'm very specific and I don't need quantity of responses to bolster self esteem issues. That doesn't worry me as I'm not here for a popularity contest or to be in the top 100. I am using this as a tool but not the exclusive tool, to meet someone I can fall in love with and be my best friend. Sometimes you decide not to follow up after a first meeting or that they're totally obnoxious or racist on the phone--there are several reasons but what astounds me is why people are worried about this at all--basically if someone doesn't respond or stops communication it means they're not interested-so move on people!

Posted by: sydneygal007 at May 25, 2007 7:13 PM

Gedintolife,

It is possible to see the last time a person was online when browsing the profiles, so yui can always tell if someone has had the chance to read your contact or whether they haven't been online for awhile. Even then most people access there mail account and can see the contacts.
Give people reasonable time to reply as they might ot be able to respond immediately.
Occasionally I have had a quick look before leaving the house for the weekend or the evening and so it might appear that the cotact has been ignored.
I have found in general though the more interest the quicker the response!
I think there is a big, big difference in labelling people who give you a kinder reply such as "corresponding with someone else" dishonest.and someone who cheats on their partner or robs banks or is a compulsive liar! I think of those men as very nice compassionate and considerate people.They may not be attracted but they don't want to hurt my feelings either.

Posted by: patience at May 25, 2007 5:58 PM

Hear, hear stoic. I tried to post something like that about a user feedback system, but it must have contained too much 'flaming' and wasn't approved. I 100% agree with you on that point and I have had years of experience with systems like that. It has no place here on RSVP tyvm :)

[Ed: Not sure where your other post went, Shigui. Blog suggestions? I can't see it in the archives. Sorry about that. Letting you guys rate each other has been a hot topic for a while in the RSVP office - it has the potential to be a real pandora's box: imagine getting bad ratings from a psycho date... we're not yet sure how we'd filter out the potential for abuse of the feature from the genuine feedback. So, it's still parked with the brains trust]

Posted by: Shigui at May 25, 2007 5:35 PM

Pretty hypocritical of Miss Difference to accuse everyone else of loving themselves, when her sole position is basically "I don't care if what do is rude, I don't want to give an answer so I am not going to do so."

Miss Difference, if you want to be rude then by all means go ahead - free society and all that, but I wouldn't be throwing stones.

And Vebee's analogy is completely wrong. When I apply for a job, whether I am under or over qualified, I don't automatically expect an interview but I do expect at least a "Sorry you are not qualified/the position has been filled" form letter.

As for a user-based feedback system - no. A user-based feedback system is waaaaay too easy to abuse and should never be brought in. That is part of the reason why I like my idea of a little icon on the profile that shows they have ignored kisses/emails. That way, it is entirely in their hands and if they are happy with ignoring kisses/emails, great. And it gives the rest of us a heads up that they do not exhibit the kind of behaviour the rest of us are looking for.

And FYI - I have responded to every kiss and every email I have received.

Posted by: stoic at May 25, 2007 5:08 PM

I agree with sportbikeguy that a feedback system like Ebay has would weed out the players.

Posted by: MsMileHigh at May 25, 2007 5:06 PM

There was a survey recently about what replies one would prefer to use. Some of the options were very good. Unfortunately none have been changed. Yes some have been added to the rsvip users, but seriously what is a nice way of saying "thanks but no thanks" with the options available now.

I reply to everyone but I dont understand why some guys write emails first when it is clear they dont fit what I am looking for.

Posted by: Kimbo at May 25, 2007 5:05 PM

Well i am forever grateful for my parents instilling in me so-called "old-fashioned" values. How hard is it to say please and thank-you, or hello and goodbye and generally acknowledging someone who speaks to you first. After being on RSVP for some time i just shake my head at the culture of ignorance and impoliteness!

Posted by: jason at May 25, 2007 5:04 PM

A possible solution to the no reply problem is to allow us to see when the kiss has been viewed whether by email or by logging onto this site to view it. That way we know that there will be no response with reguard to kisses. The progression would be something like...
* You send a kiss to someone you like
* That person views it and it now appears as read in your outbox.
* That person decided not to reply to the kiss (and remember it only takes a couple of seconds to reply to a kiss).
* You know almost immediately that the person is not interested

Emails are a different story and I believe the solution outlined above won't work because of the time it takes to write some emails. When I reply to an email, I always take my time to read the original email properly and I also take my time in writing a response. Sometimes this can take a couple of hours, other times it can take a couple of days. Therefore knowing when an email has been viewed won't really work.

SeraphSuzie, that was me lol. I forgot to put my name in.

Posted by: Shigui at May 25, 2007 4:58 PM

I am thoroughly ashamed. I am one of those people who gets a kiss - looks at the profile or picture and then deletes it. I have never scrolled down to see whether there was a reply button.
I must also add that from all the kisses I have sent - I have only received two replies. I am also one of those people who has not purchased stamps so am therefore out on a limb to start off with.
Sorry y'all, this is a new culture for me so I am still learning. I will in future reply to all kisses received. Not a lack of manners - rather just rushing along and not reading documents completely.
Thanks

Posted by: Tandi1 at May 25, 2007 2:55 PM

I will respond to kisses if I feel that they are genuine. There are a lot of women out there who don't respect profile preferences!

Emails always get a reply.

I appreciate honesty. If you're not interested then please say so. 'Have met someone already' is not an honest answer if that person reappears on RSVP week after week.

Posted by: Graeme at May 25, 2007 2:35 PM

Vebee, by law every job applicant should receive a reply..not necessarily an interview but a reply.
The point is not whether or not the person sending the kiss is what you are looking for, the point is that they have made an effort to contact you. It is good manners to reply.
Gratitude girl people lacking social graces don't usually realise that is the case. Not many people really like to be thought of as having bad manners.
I am forever grateful to my parents and my lovely Irish Grandmother who taught me how to behave in all situations...the code of etiquette. It has made my life easy and enabled me to partiicipate without any anxiety in any possible social situation.
To some people the concept of manners seems so old fashioned, but manners and the art etiquette are really just a blueprint for living harmoniously with others.

rspndz a more nuetral greeting would be good, but this is supposed to be a place for romance so calling a contact a "kiss" fits in.

I agree with everyone that the reply options are poor and need updating,

Posted by: patience at May 25, 2007 1:23 PM

It's been interesting reading some of the comments on this thread. Personally, I'd rather get a "Thanks but no thanks" than a "stay wondering rather than be rejected". I'm fine with rejection. It can be disappointing at times, but if we want the benefits these sites offer, we need to accept that there are risks as well.

Ultimately, I think it comes down to good manners. If someone says "Good morning" to you in the street, do you just ignore them and keep walking? Most people wouldn't... it's polite to at least acknowledge the presence of somebody who's taken the time to notice yours, so most of us will at least offer up a "Good morning" back to them, even if we don't break stride. To me, responding to a kiss is the difference between ignoring a friendly person who's bothered to notice we exist, and ignoring them completely.

One of the posters above talked about "doesn't respond to people [she doesn't] like" who sent them a kiss or an email... I have to wonder how they justify such a judgement on the basis of a few words on the internet. Unless they mean "not like" in a literal sense - i.e. they don't actively like the person, so their opinion would be neutral if not bad. Still... neutral feelings don't justify impoliteness, and to form an active dislike of someone on the basis of their RSVP profile is going a long way on a first impression.

However... here's a different spin on the question. How long can you go without a reply before writing off the contact as a waste of your time and effort? Is 3 days without a reply acceptable? What about 7 days? I know some people whose only internet access is via internet cafes, which they don't always visit even weekly... are they being rude if they don't respond in under 2 days? Do we have some sort of obligation to check our email daily as a condition of signup to RSVP? When I've gone on holidays I've been away from home (and thus home email) for up to 3 weeks at a time. Would someone consider me rude if I responded 3 weeks after they sent a kiss or email? How about if I was corresponding with someone else, but not sure where it would go? Would someone who sent me a kiss prefer I send a response saying "Sure, let's talk" then (either with or without telling them) continue corresponding with someone else? Or would they prefer to wait a week or two until I have a clear answer for them either way?

I guess what I'm saying here is that despite the politeness issue, I still think there's shades of grey that could stand further consideration.

Personally, I tend to consider a kiss or email unresponded to when it hits the one month threshold. I'll possibly send other kisses or emails in the meantime, but I won't brand the subject of the first one as being rude or not worth my time for at least that month. Even then, I'll make allowances if it turns out that they've been interstate or overseas, had a death in the family, been off the grid for a while, and so on.

Happy hunting... and remember, patience is a virtue, not a sin.

Posted by: GedIntoLife at May 25, 2007 12:44 PM

Miss Difference = 100% honest, considerate and logical.

If I 'kissed' 30 RSVPers in any given month...I only wanted to hear back from the ones that liked what they saw/read. I DIDN'T WANT TO RECEIVE SILLY AUTO REJECTIONS.

Not responding to 'kisses' if you weren't interested was subtle and kind. I would get the picture without the corny rejection emails poisoning my confidence and spirit. I would have forgotten about you (with no response) and prefered not to have had the rejection smeared in my face two weeks later with a rejection response.

For the same reasons, I didn't send responses to 'kisses' that I didn't want to go further with. Not because I was rude!?

I met my gorgeous fiancee on RSVP 4 yrs ago...6 months after joining. Lots of work kissing/emailing/responding to RSVPers, but 33 good/bad/interesting/funny dates later...I met the right one. Keep going til you meet yours.

We love reading the RSVP blog!

Posted by: kiss at May 25, 2007 12:04 PM

First, am I the only person who finds the concept of sending a 'kiss' to a complete stranger & vice versa rather repugnant? The term makes me cringe. How about a more neutral greeting?

Second, it's hard to tell whether you have received one of 100 kisses sent in a random percentage game or (if you don't feel attracted) whether the person has genuinely misjudged your compatibility or whatever ...

Then the range of possible responses is far too narrow and there is no free text, so one must improvise. I try to make the response fit the spirit of the contact as far as possible, including not responding to what seems a thoughtless 'hit'.

From now on, though, I'll avoid using 'already corresponding' as a soft option. Thanks for your comments.

Posted by: rspndz at May 25, 2007 8:36 AM

OK, hold the bus. One of the best parts of this blog reading is that you get to see 'what was he/she thinking??!!'.

Miss Difference has had the courage to speak up on behalf of the non-repliers of kissers. Thank you (and to others who have said they feel uncomfortable "rejecting" others.) Miss D, I understand your analogy of getting phone numbers, but I do think you've jumped ahead a little (or maybe my real life is even poorer than I thought). I would see a 'kiss' as a 'smile' in the street. Smile back but keep moving (eg thanks but no thanks, or smile and stop (yep, happy to get your email).

Patience, if Miss D doesn't have social graces, she doesn't have to show them. She has a different world view -- simple as that. And I agree with her that some of those posting who are so hostile and rigid in what is the right way to behave may come across so in your profiles. But I do agree with Patience on stopping with the anger, and seeing it as a personal rejection! Janet -- great input, thank you. Now, finally, could we have some-one courageous to explain why they take profiles off line after making contact and exchanges some emails? or meet. Would love to hear this one (although, relax, my self worth is not dependent on this!!) I have stopped email contact with some members, but always provide reasons.

The blogs get boring if everyone agrees, speak up non-repliers / hiders of profiles!

Posted by: Gratitudegirl at May 25, 2007 8:08 AM

Suggestion to RSVP to resolve this dispute:
Why don't you create kiss message "No thank you"?
And in profiles users can check one of the boxes (*) I prefer "No thank you" reply to no response at all (*) I won't get frustrated if I don't receive a kiss back
If I see that person is ok getting "rejection kiss", I will reply to the kiss this way.
Everyone will be happy. As for me I prefer stay wondering rather than rejected.

Posted by: Miss Difference at May 25, 2007 7:45 AM

vebee I completely agree with you

Posted by: Miss Difference at May 25, 2007 7:32 AM

Di... include your blog note in your profile, you will then surely be able to tell the swift men from the real deal, as the only contact you will receive will be from them, and people that have not read your profile. Also in agreement with lee, what also concerns and maybe now even amuses me is that women on this site rarely buy stamps period! And guys do have to buy a stamp to contact you directly,or perhaps you mean they include there email address in there profile?? In that case no one is asking you to use it.
ash

Posted by: at May 25, 2007 12:24 AM

I agree it's always polite to reply to members that send you a kiss that match your requirements. However I believe it's not necessary to reply to those members who do not meet some of your basic ideals. If you indicate in your profile you would prefer a non-smoker or someone with or without children or within a certain age, and someone outside of or with none of these characteristics kisses you then they should not expect a reply. It would be like applying for a job where you have no qualifications or experience. How often would you expect an interview?

Posted by: vebee at May 24, 2007 11:33 PM

A non-response may very well be considered to be a response - BUT IT IS RUDE!

Regardless of whether it is men or women not replying it is just not on. I'll be the first to admit that I might spend a few days mulling over my answer, but I DO answer.

And I'm sorry busy is not a good enough excuse.

Who isn't busy these days?!

Posted by: mad2dance at May 24, 2007 10:30 PM

I have to say that I've replied to every kiss I've received, and I've received a reply to every kiss I've sent. Maybe us "oldies" are a little more polite, or can't risk burning our bridges completely. Not all replies have been positive but at least I know where I stand, and vice versa. However, my difficulty is after personal contact has been made, and then they disappear into the wild blue yonder without a word. I hesitate to contact them because....well, because it's the man's place to make the first move....ok, stop throwing stones at me, I know it's old fashioned, but I just can't bring myself to ring them in case they're on their honeymoon!! So, if you people are reading this blog, and you know who you are, please make contact even if it's to say "thanks, but no thanks".
As for people meeting the criteria in my profile, I find it a little frustrating that the men who initiate contact are ALWAYS older than my upper age limit. The reason I find this annoying is not their age, it's only a number anyway, but the fact that most have moved into the next stage of living i.e. maybe retired or semi-retired, and they're looking for someone to spend time with them even during working hours, week days! That's not me, and not likely to be for some time yet, so weekends or evenings are pretty much it. Think outside the square, guys! I realise it would be nice to have someone that little bit younger as a mate, wouldn't we all like it, but circumstances do come into play too. And the men my age, you're a bit egotistical to put 39-44 as your preferred age bracket, aren't you? At least women your own age will know the songs you hum!

Posted by: TishB at May 24, 2007 9:32 PM

To clasified1. To answer your question as to why not introduce a rating system. That would turn this site into a popularity contest. I've had quite a bit of experience with being involved with rating systems and it has no place here. It has a lot to do with self esteem, a good rating is good for self esteem where as a bad rating is bad for self esteem. Imagine this hypothetical situation (which has really happened a lot on sites with a rating system)...

Say I meet someone here on RSVP and it works for a little while and then we find our personalities don't really match. The other person decides to hold some malice against me. That person goes to the RSVP site and makes 100 new users and places a bad rating against my name. That causes my rating to drop into the 'dead beat' rating and I haven't done anything to earn this name.

Rating systems are largely inaccurate because of that reason so lets keep them off this site.

To Miss Difference. Well said :)

[CS: a user based rating system on RSVP is unlikely for precisely that reason. However we may look at a performance based rating system (unlike the top 100) that would help highlight positive activites. If there were such a system what type of activities should be considered?]

Posted by: at May 24, 2007 9:25 PM

Rachael, one possible reason people send contacts which are obviously wrong for you is because they are trying to push themselves into The Top 100 or keep themselves there. Of course if you are young and are getting contacts from older men, well they will try... Many of them are on RSVP because they are trying to relive their youth and it is important to them to know that they 'still have it"

Miss Difference,
Push the auto reply button, that is all you have to do to demonstrate some social grace. You don't need to explain or have an excuse as to why you are not interested. The other person can decide what they like, but you still know you have don't the correct thing by replying and acknowledging the compliment the person has paid to you. Whether you like the profile or not, it should be done. You are not accepting a real live kiss now are you?
To people who get upset about the rejection..stop it! You are not being rejected as a real person. The person rejecting you doesn't know real you, but for whatever the reason they have chosen not to continue contact.
No point in being angry or hating them or anything else. You can't force an attraction and you cannot know what is in their minds or life's experience which informs what they will find attractive in a profile. It might be something as simple as they can see you live a very long way from them.
In any case it does not reflect on you as a person!

Posted by: patience at May 24, 2007 7:08 PM

I've posted my opinion before, but still want to ask all those "haters of no reply".

In offline world when you meet a person and give them your phone number and he/she does not call you afterwards - what is that? Rudeness? Or do you want them to call and say, "Sorry, I do not want to see you ever again" - Is that politeness in your opinion?
If you do not get a call will you bother to find out his/her phone number, call and ask, why he/she does not call you?
Maybe you all just so in love with YOURSELF, that having no reply frustrates you. And inability to contact them directly (and for free) and express all your thoughts about no reply frustrates you even more
If you demand to do something I do not like (send a rejection kiss) then probably you should be demanding in every aspects of your life and it would be hard to go along with you.

Posted by: Miss Difference at May 24, 2007 6:33 PM

This seems to be about fairness and respect.

There is a clear distinction between how to react to a free kiss and to a Purchased Stamp, the latter being the scenario discussed here.

Weta?s very well written post has made me think more kindly to kisses, as I have been lax on some occasions, mainly to those who clearly haven't read my profile where I say I prefer tall ladies and photo please. Even these casual kissers clearly deserve better, so thank you for that Weta.

I always without exception reply to e-mails, even one from Russia which was a mistake, but that's another story!

When asked via a kiss to forward an e-mail, to subsequently not receive a reply is just not acceptable behaviour.

Neither is CS or Ed defensive response good enough either. It implies RSVP is helpless to do anything, and yet posters have provided several alternatives for a quality service. Eg, block the non-respondee from other RSVP features until they deal with kisses and e-mails, have an e-Bay type facility, or Button that rates their response rate. The kiss response where a more personal comment could be made has a lot of merit. Why not have all of them? The E-bay feature also enables other comments like 'Lies about age, weight, height, photo, etc.'

Several have asked for a buy a single stamp option, for different, interesting and valid reasons, with a surprisingly high proportion saying they have lost stamps, but RSVP's response just isn't up to the mark, not everyone wants a mobile based service.

This is about fairness as the e-mailer who initiates the correspondence, not only pays for the stamp, but is then the one taking the risks, RSVP and the recipient have none!

Several ladies posts say or infer that men don't understand that women want security. I get that, but in the main they don't buy stamps, they expect the men too. Many ladies want anonymity, through hidden photos, etc. The ladies don't want to provide e-mail or mobile numbers, etc. How far does it go before the ladies begin to realise if they want these extra safeguards, and apparently in the main men don't have those concerns, that they should pay for them. On top of this, etiquette demands that men pay for coffee, lunch, dinner, etc.

I think the 30 day RSVP contact channel is counter productive. This is my personal opinion. I find that in all cases, the real assessment only comes with face-to-face meeting. At that point both parties have to take a small risk. It's a risk that is smaller than what we do when meeting someone at random, "But once our eyes met, romance was in the air". I think of RSVP as way of finding someone who I would like to meet briefly to see if there is any mutual magic. I am not trying to have a romantic online love affair, via a RSVP channel. If things don't work out at our date, but the lady is still a lovely person, it would be great to have some means of contact, say for a subsequent bbq or dinner party with other single friends, ie, not within a 30 day channel! Hence I think it much more important to have a safe place to meet, than anything else. A very public cafe or beach to walk the dog.

Maybe a stamp etiquette is required, eg, whoever receives the e-mail pays for coffee, lunch or dinner. If the coffee etiquette is to apply, ie, men pay, then the inference is that ladies should buy stamps and initiate correspondence? If the receiver doesn't reply meaningfully to a kiss triggered stamp within 5 days, they loose a stamp refunded to the original sender, and are treated as a RSVP 'Guest' until paid up?

For those requiring the RSVP contact channel security, to hide their photos, or any of the other extra security or anonymity features, they should pay a premium fee for those features.

Sadly, I don't see the current Premium service adding anything to the aspects of concern raised here.

Paul

Posted by: Paul at May 24, 2007 6:26 PM

I agree with most of the material, re rudeness of non replies, but over the year I've been an rsvper I've adopted a different attitude. By the way, I reply to all kisses and most emails.
I've bought and lost about 12 stamps and sent kisses to a number of men and received no reply to at least 90%.
Now I always remove contacts from sight immediately and forget I've sent the kiss. I don't bank my future happiness on it and wait for a reply. I take no reply to mean no thank you, not interested!
Also guys sometimes it's kinder not to reply.You don't seem to believe the corresponding with others etc stock answers so why get upset about a non response. That is more honest than those stock replies that you assume are liars. What is worse, a liar or a bit of rudeness. Make up your minds, can't have it both ways.
I sometimes send the stock answer reply to guys who write without checking first and feel this is a bit rude too.
I, also, feel bad about writing a rejection letter to someone that I really do like but don't want to date or has bored me to snores in his letters.
Do you have to have it in writing??? If you get no response, that is the response.
Move on to someone who feels it for you. Don't brood about someone who so obviously doesn't reciprocate.You're letting them take up valuable headspace and making you all sound petty and bitter about your RSVP experiences.
Wake up! It's internet dating. It's in the early stages and there is no book of etiquette on dating this way. The odds are there though. You are unllikely to meet the love of your life this way so get out and about as well and do other interesting things so that this is just one of your tools for meeting people. Be warned though there are lots of rude people out there. can you cope?
So guys, my advice: Continue to read profiles and select the ones to suit or match. Then send a kiss but please forget about it and remove the contact. Then you may be surprised and get the results you want. Then guys when you do send an email make it short and upbeat and don't give all your details straight away. We don't need to know who all the members of your family are or your work history.
Just a quick paragraph displaying that you've read her profile and want to know more.

Posted by: Janet at May 24, 2007 1:37 PM

I find it extremely bad manners not to reply as i always reply to all kisses. If they have taken the time to look at your correspondence then it takes a couple of seconds to click on a reply. Come on guys and girls a reply is just plain good manners.

Posted by: sue at May 24, 2007 1:16 PM

Hi now my turn to wage in on the no response.
1.It is the height of rudeness not to reply ,would rather know if your not interested.
2.If you do repond and chat and the guy gives you his mobile number and he txtx you can i call you tonight?and you say yes,well it would be good to get that call,not oh sorry i have the flu or broke my leg and on cruthches.I don't think either is a reason not to call.
3. Do people use rsvp for a game,revenge,or experience in dating after alongtime out of the market?
4.And hello guys if you do meet and we get on really well,i hate the follow-up phone call in a week or so that says "sorry but i've met a woman in the real world".
5.Would prefer time wasters to not to contact me.

Posted by: LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! at May 24, 2007 12:44 PM

I am as equally frustrated as most with men who send a kiss and don't follow through with an email if I request that I would like to hear from them, or don't respond to a kiss I send, or once contact has started they just disappear of the face of the earth without a word. A word of advice to you blokes (and you know who you are) ..... good manners go a long long way, however showing your true colours like this actually works in our favour because we are able to sort through who is genuine and who is not. Not all of us girls are desperate to want to chase you. We are likely to dismiss you and be grateful we havn't wasted any more of our time.

So having said all of that, even though I do get frustrated with the lack of manners of blokes on this site, it just goes to show that even though we are hiding behind a computer it takes all kinds to make the world go around and it is no different to when we meet people socially where we meet all sorts of people ........ some worth our while and some not.

Posted by: sjh at May 24, 2007 9:52 AM

despite the fact that probably a minimum 75% of kisses i get are from ppl who obviously havent read my profile, i always respond. but not everyone takes that "rejection" well. ive received emails immediately after declining kisses fm ppl asking why, trying to convince me ive made a mistake, abusing me, telling me how much i obviously love myself & am just playing a game to stay in the top 100....so people doing the responding to kisses/emails are not the only ones who can be rude.
a guy's profile needs to stand out in some way. whether you get a lot of kisses or only a few, you really are looking for something unique, whether its a great sense of humour, an affinity for your own feelings on a subject, a picture with a great smile, whatever.
if it gets to email stage, some have not been happy with my rate of progression from email to fone call to meeting either. its my prerogative which pace i choose to go at. if i feel more comfortable with emails for a little while, then so be it. (even rsvp's dating safety tips backs me up on that front). i think the reduced life of the stamps is making people put even more pressure to hurry things along cos theyre worried about when their "free contact" runs out.

Posted by: k (geminikj) at May 24, 2007 5:05 AM

I've noticed a few comments about "people not reading my profile" and thought I would add my $0.02.

The way I treat mine is as an ideal, not a minimum - meaning if someone doesn't meet all the ideal criteria but they have an awesome profile, I am still likely to reply in the positive. Some criteria are more negotiable than others but as I say, a good profile goes a long way.
Similarly, even though I may not meet the exact criteria of a woman's profile, I may still send a kiss, hoping she may look at my profile and go "Yeah, I'll give that a pass"
Perhaps RSVP can institute a minimum criteria alongside the ideal partner criteria :)

Posted by: stoic at May 24, 2007 3:26 AM

Simple way to force people to use good manners. Block them from sending kisses or emails and replying to kisses or emails until they clear their backlog of unanswered kisses and emails. Radical but maybe eventually they may learn what is acceptable behaviour in society (actually I doubt if those people will EVER learn).

Posted by: Stilllookin4you at May 23, 2007 11:59 PM

I DO NOT reply to kisses if I do not like the sender. I have read this blog and still I am not going to reply if I do not want to.
Everyone is different and percepts these messages in different ways:

*She is thrilled to have received a Kiss from you, but has recently responded to someone else, so is not following up on your contact at the current time.

- Well, someone here wrote that it is a lie - why people here everyday if they replied to someone. Guess what? They are talking to the person they replied!

* She is flattered by your interest, but notes that your profile does not match his/her ideal partner profile.

- Ok, you read my profile and believe we have a lot in common, same interests in movies, books, sports etc. But when I read your profile I find just small detail which makes me reject you (I have a right to do so, and so do you!) But if I send you a kiss saying that profile does not match - you will say again that I am a lier!

* She is flattered, but does not wish to correspond any further and wishes you well in your search.

- If I don't like you, I would never be flattered by your kiss. That's my personal opinion.

So...for me the best response - NO RESPONSE.

On the other hand, if I replied that I wish to receive an email from you - I ALWAYS reply to all emails I receive. I MADE you spend money and time (email is not a kiss). In my opinion, it is rude not to reply to email, but no response to a kiss - is a "no thanks" for me. I accept it when someone does the same to me.

In terms of disclosing my phone number or any other information: if you disclose something it does not mean that I have to do the same thing if I don't want to.

To RSVP: if you introduce "feedback system" like on ebay - I won't come here anymore. Someone said that RSVP is a window shopping, sorry, but I do not want to be considered a "product" or being "rated" or whatever else people doing in the business world.

It would be the same if you put a sticker on someones forehead saying "He is a cheater" or "She loves her dog more than her boyfriend" etc.

And at last, if you reply to ALL kisses and emails - it does not automatically mean that you are well-mannered in a real life regardless what you think of yourself.

And YES, everyone can change their mind. Why should someone correspond with person he/she does not like?

Posted by: Miss Difference at May 23, 2007 11:50 PM

Dear Rachael,

Most people understand that "You should be" does not mean "You must be" and see it as an ideal profile. I have many ladies that have contacted me that do not meet my ideal profile, So what. Their profile may have other interesting points that may interest me and I will send a kiss reply. If not I simply say "no thanks". I have also had several ladies send me a kiss and when I look at their profile they are looking for someone slim, athletic or average and I happen to be a little overweight. Do I reject them?

Your ideal profile is simply that "ideal". If you keep looking for someone that is EXACTLY waht your ideal is then you may be looking for a long time and rejecting a lot of great people along the way.

Posted by: Stilllookin4you at May 23, 2007 11:47 PM

Gosh, well this topic is hot on my hate list.

Lets just put it simply and mathematically.

I have emailed 8 people over the course of a 8 month period (ok i'm a little picky) and have received 2 email replies who then said 'sorry not interested'.

Perhaps i'm just attracted to the rude. Who knows! Maybe I just write really crappy emails.

What really bothers me is the following situation which has just recently happened.

You send a kiss, she replies with a kiss and a password. You reply with a kiss and password, she responds with a request for an email. YOU SEND AN EMAIL and you get NOTHING.

I consider myself a fairly light hearted person, but there are some things I just can't stand - rudeness, selfishness and those who are thoughtless when it comes to others.

If someone has gone to the effort of sending a kiss, it takes 5 seconds and one mouse click to respond. If you have asked for an email and are lucky enough to receive one, reply. It's simple. If you have no intention to, don't waste my time.

As for the cost, yes it's expensive and with attitudes which have resulted in my above mentioned 'crap' strike rate, I don't think I will bother with this avenue shortly. I use to think of it as $6.95 for a stamp as being equivalent to buying someone a drink at a bar, but right now, I think I'd rather just buy myself a drink at the bar.

What can RSVP do? Well why not introduce a feedback system - ebay style! Forget about monitoring kisses - they're free and a great way of working out who to contact and who not to. But it'd be great to have a system for emails. A nice 'click the radial button' for email responded to 'Yes' or 'No'. I think it'd be great to have an 'I'm ungrateful git' rating next to someone’s name.

It'd definitely weed out the weeds.

I do agree with some other comments. If she hasn't got the decency to reply, well good riddance to you. I have enough self worth and respect to know that 'you' are not worth my attention.

Time to step off my soap box. Thank you, thank you... thankyou

Posted by: classified1 at May 23, 2007 11:36 PM

I've been here at the temple on and off for almost 2 years - and THE most annoying behaviour is the practice of not responding to the most basic means we have at RSVP of saying hello -the KISS.

Think of it like this - you are in a room full of people (RSVP) and you see someone across the room who makes a visual impression on you (you have looked at their photo).

You spend some time checking them out (read their profile) and then proceed to make eye contact with them. They see you making eye contact (if they've got the enable button on they see you as a recent viewer of their profile. You walk across the room and make eye contact again, smile and say hello (send a kiss which they receive both as an e-mail and a kiss message in their RSVP inbox).

They make eye contact with you and hear your greeting but do not respond - they ignore you.

you know they have seen you (read the kiss in either in their e-mail or RSVP account - and continue to access RSVP) and that you have tried to engage them in the most basic and environmentally safe way (the RSVP kiss) but they don't acknowledge your presence in a room in which they decide to be present.

You reflect upon the fact that as you entered the room, there were rows of laminated A3 posters with biographies of each person in the room (RSVP profiles). You read the profile of the person you approached - the one who has chosen not to acknowledge your presence in even the most basic manner (clicking one of the choices from the kiss response menu and hitting the 'send' button).

The writer describes themselves as having a suite of values & principles &characteristics & behaviours that are greatly at odds with how they have just responded to you - they are variously: kind, caring, considerate, empathic, emotionally mature, nice, genuine, spiritual, have done some personal growing, have good communication skills, seek someone honest.....(I could go on but you get the picture)....and their behaviour is at odds with their words.

They don't walk the talk.

I have learned that in this world there are some who are impression managers - the disingenuous - who do not act as they say they act. And, when someone promotes themselves to an audience of a million people (the RSVP subscriber base, give or take the odd 100K) and doesn't have the grace to acknowledge the most basic of agreed greetings (the kiss), it says more about that person than it does about you.

Just as an aside, of the 4 women I have kissed who have each described themselves as being a 'lady', ( I know, I know) none have bothered to respond - I'm wondering which bit of being ladylike that represents!

Keep up the comments bloggers - it's likely the blog site is the most honest of all the member narratives on the site.

Weta

Posted by: Weta at May 23, 2007 11:26 PM

So many people on RSVP are apallingly rude. You should always reply to a Kiss even its a polite ""no thanks. If you kiss someone and they respond positively you should pay for the stamp to email them and vice versa. Dont accept a chat if you're not interested as it costs the person who initiates it a stamp. I had one guy accept a chat then immediately tell me I was too old for him (I was one year older than him) but he did say that older women were always chasing him for, er, shall we say, horizontal activities. What a self centred egotist!

Also I'm constantly shocked at how superficial people. Guys 50 - 60 want a supermodel but dont stop to think that the supermodel may not be interested in daggy old them. Meanwhile, attractive, smart, warm women who are not the supermodel are cast aside with rude and reckless abandon. I've met a nice mn 20 years younger than me on RSVP. After my experiences here, men of my own age make me sick!

Posted by: Julie at May 23, 2007 11:14 PM

Lee, I have a term I use for "looking for someone better" I call it the "Real Estate Syndrome"
There is a tendency when looking at profiles, particularly in the early days of membership, to be tempted to look at "just one more" in case there is something better around the corner or the next street! Just like looking for a house to rent or buy...
After being a member for awhile it is easier to "keep up with the stock and the turnover" and become an expert valuer!! Then contacts are likely to be more genuine.
If I know that a guy is new to the site I won't contact him, even if I like him, until he has had time to do his own "househunt" and might be ready to buy.
If a guy is in the Top 100 I also avoid him until he is back in the ranks of the low 850,00000000.That way I know he has been through the flurry of interest generated by a new face, got over it, and is still looking, or I know he is a player only looking to boost his ego and contacts.

Posted by: patience at May 23, 2007 10:55 PM

My bugbear is when you've gone to the trouble of finding someone who's interested in the same things, exchanged kisses & been told that they're interested & waiting for your email...So you send an email in a respectable time limit...and still no response...I can understand if you've waited a long time, or if you just send an email on spec, but really...

Posted by: Plainray at May 23, 2007 10:43 PM

To the gentleman who posted directed towards myself...you didn't put a name. Thankyou for looking at my profile, and I would have children again, however it is not physically possible for me anymore. And the reason I ask for someone with children is because I think they may understand my situation more and also because of the fact that I cannot have anymore children and would hate to deprive someone of that joy...mine are all teenagers now. But thankyou again..you really made me smile... :-)

oh and btw, distance has never stopped me before!! ;-)

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at May 23, 2007 9:23 PM

I think all these blogs are really showing us on RSVP that there are a lot of people out there who have never learned how to be polite. Shame on them! I am the mother of five beautiful kids, and am proud to say they have never let me down where manners are concerned. I visit as often as possible, and their manners still shine. I am sure there have been times when I am not there when they have said or done the wrong thing, but basic manners is what we all need on RSVP. Then we wouldn't waste time with our complaints. I do agree with most comments, and feel there is no room for bad manners & rudeness in something like this whilst searching for a friend or Soulmate. Will complaining help? I think not!! When my RSViP runs out, so will I. Everyone seems too scared to take a chance on a life with another new relationship. I have been fairly lucky, but feel that I have just as much fun without a serious relationship. I am not having a big shot at all you nice guys, but you do need to meet us halfway, so to speak.And Yes, I do reply to all kisses and emails.

Posted by: melody10 at May 23, 2007 9:22 PM

In reply to Robin.
I have always answered all kisses and e-mails, believe in treating people in the same way that I wish to be treated. Right now I am seeing some one from RSVP and the only contact we have with each other, when apart is through the RSVP e-mail system. We have to be logged on for this and this is when I'm getting kisses. My response has always been the truth in reply but must be frustrating for the sender. For the sender it would seem a cop out, but for me an honest response.

Posted by: hsvcv8 at May 23, 2007 8:56 PM

Di (22 May), what are you on about? "A non-response is a response." What utter rubbish. If the person isn't interested they should respond.

"Plenty more to explore," implies that you are one of those serial RSVPers I detest. The sort who looks for someone better at the first opportunity. One of my platonic g/fs commented that internet dating tends to encourage a "there's always someone better out there" attitude. I think women are less willing to take the time to get to know a guy because of the prospect of "plenty more".

What does concern me, or rather bemuses me, is when a woman gives you her personal email address and then can't be bothered to respond. Worse still is that the woman in question wanted to maintain safe contact by arranging a meeting via email. How does that work considering I had given her my mobile number (and was taking the risk). Suggestion to women who want to keep their phone numbers anonymous:
1. Dial 1831 before the number and your number will not be shown on the guy's mobile, or
2. Use a public phone
You maintain you anonymity either way.

"Men should realise that paying for stamps is a small price to pay for the safety of the site." We all know that the price of those stamps isn't all that small. For the 12-pack of stamps it costs on average $6.25 per stamp. This average cost increases when you exclude the women who "look forward to receiving your email," only to not respond to your email. Should I construe this non-response as a response too?! I believe is poor ethics and unfortunately a sign of the times. It's no wonder that more people are single these days.

Posted by: Lee at May 23, 2007 8:18 PM

We all deserve a reply if we have taken the time and effort to send a kiss. To not reply is just downright rude and inconsiderate.

Posted by: Counrtyheart64 at May 23, 2007 8:11 PM

I feel RSVP should not allow a member to access their inbox unless they reply to All kisses received...It is common courtesy

Posted by: Dianne at May 23, 2007 8:00 PM

I agree, it's rude not to reply. And if you're not interested just say so. Don't say you've met someone and then go online everyday looking. Just be honest.

Posted by: Tracy at May 23, 2007 7:44 PM

It amazes me why I receive kisses from guys that are outside my profile range. I have stated (as we all have) what age bracket I am interested in and what area, yet I still get guys as much as 10yrs my senior sending me kisses. I then feel bad when I send back a "no thanks". Sometimes I really want to send the "did you actually read my profile" msg but deep down don't want to hurt these guys.

Age does matter ...... so if the age bracket has a limit ..... PLSE read it guys!

Posted by: Rachael at May 23, 2007 7:41 PM

I think the worst thing about woman on rsvp would have to be, that after you have sent a kiss & they reply by saying they are interested & looking forward to recieving your email & never reply atfter that.
Its the most annoying thing on here not to mention then you realise they are on the top 100 & do this just to fullfill there ego so they can say, oh look im in the top 100 thats so wrong & it does happen a lot im sure many guys would agree.

[Ed: You might be interested to know that the Top 100 algorithm does factor in whether you reply to kisses. It's not just about how many kisses you get. Food for thought for some users...?]

Posted by: steve at May 23, 2007 7:32 PM

I think a reply is just common courtesy. And yes, no reply is a reply, but the RIGHT THING to do is reply.

To those that think "its a blessing in disguise because who wants to spend time with someone like that anyway?"
Well, if they really weren't interested, then they should respond so. Thus saving you from ever meeting in the first place. Same outcome, except they had the decency to reply that time.

To all the honest and not so honest ladies that at least replied: THANKYOU.

To the rest: SHAME ON YOU.

Posted by: phunkymunky at May 23, 2007 7:10 PM

Serendipity321, I think you miss the point.

People don't need a reply to know for sure that a person is not interested.
They do however deserve a reply because they have taken the time and the effort to make a contact and they deserve to be acknowledged and validated for their compliment and effort.

Replying indicates that a person has manners and is courteous and respectful, and also has intelligence and ability to interact and communicate well with others effectively.
The non repliers need to start thinking about other people and not so much about themselves.

I am appalled that your attitude is also prevalent in other social interactions such as acceptance of wedding invitations for instance. Many people don't feel it necessary to inform the person paying large amounts for catering whether or not they will turn up.
Not acceptable behaviour, never will be.

Posted by: patience at May 23, 2007 6:57 PM

On a semi-related note :
Why do stamps have to expire? We've paid good money for them, and it isn't like they have an unlimited use. Use a stamp once and it is gone, fine, but why penalise those of us who don't get enough responses to use all the ones we've bought?

I've lost 11 stamps to expiry, and most of those are due to the various times I've given up on this site due various reasons - one of which is the poor response rate.

I'm becoming far more hesitant in buying stamps now when the cheapest are around $55, expire in 2 months anyway, and if I'm lucky I'll get to use maybe half of them.

I've only recently come back to the site again after a number of months off, and since I hadn't exactly planned the break I didn't think to cancel my account. I received a few kisses in that time, but due to the passage of so much time most of those accounts were closed when I came to reply. Of the remainder, it would have been nice to explain why I had taken so long to respond, but, of course, my remaining stamps had expired. Again perhaps the option for a very brief text message in a kiss reply would be useful in this sort of situation also.

Posted by: ReeceOnline at May 23, 2007 6:56 PM

SeraphSuzie, I believe you when you say you reply to all kisses and emails because I'm the same. I have replied to every kiss and email that has been sent to me. Here's my story about large women...

My ex girlfriend wasn't small being a mother of 2 kids, but I thought she was gorgeous. Unfortunately she lived 18000km away from me which kind of ended that situation. That was more than a year ago now and I found a nice girl here on RSVP. She was what could be described as being large as well. We had 2 dates and I thought everything was going okay, but after the 2nd one, she rejected me. I'm sure she had her reasons.

My point is that I have never rejected someone because of their size.... hmmm... maybe we should get together lol... *looks up profile* d'oh, you want someone who has kids and doesn't want anymore kids *sigh* and I live too far away.

Posted by: at May 23, 2007 6:37 PM

Most of the kisses I've sent to go unanswered. I've come to expect that.

I find it far more frustrating and disheartening when I send a kiss to a girl after seeing in her profile that we like all sorts of the same things and seem to have similar personalities and ideal parter requirements... only to find that she's not the least bit interested in any correspondence with me. It's her choice and I respect that, but just once in a while it would be nice to know the reasons. Perhaps the option to allow people to include a very short note in a kiss rejection?

What turns people away before they even chat with you, when the profiles make it look like the two of you would get along well? Are these the same reasons why many don't even bother to reply at all?

Posted by: ReeceOnline at May 23, 2007 6:37 PM

With the disappointment of buying stamps and not getting a response when a man asks for an email - I have thought it would be nice just to be able to buy 1 stamp and I like that idea of having a 24hrs window to use it. I get annoyed buying the minimum amount of stamps and really I have wasted my money (and the expectation from such men to return the email) - its not a fault of RSVP its just how people interact cyberspace style. Plus don't get me started on what I think about not responding to kiss's!!! What goes around comes around.

[Ed: Just a thought, and to cover the other post, you *can* buy single stamps on the mobile site, due to the different pricing structure we have on there. Have a look at our mobile blog for a starter]

Posted by: sonya at May 23, 2007 5:56 PM

I agree with most of the comments. I reply to all kisses and all emails.

However, when I get a Kiss reply to send an email. I assume that she has read my profile, looked at my photo and is interested in initiating contact so I send an email and surprise surprise I get about 50% that could not be bothered to send back a FREE reply email to say that they have changed their mind, met someone else etc.
But c'est la vie. Yes there are rude people in this world and I am only glad that I don't meet too many of them.

Posted by: Stilllookin4you at May 23, 2007 3:57 PM

Girls receive dozens of kisses each week ... that are obviously sent global .. and from people for the most part that havent even read the profile!

Personally I think people are being a little paranoid about the lack of reply to a kiss! ... Does it really matter? ... And is no answer ... not an answer in itself? Read between the lines people? Does the person really have to clonk you in the head with a "no thanks" before you get the message?

I do make it a point though to answer all emails where people have spent a stamp. ... That would be my definition of rudeness!

Posted by: Serendipity321 at May 23, 2007 2:23 PM

In everyday life we all come across both rude and polite people. RSVP is no different.
Your self worth should be measured against your own actions and not those of other people.
If others are rude to you by not replying to a kiss, it's their problem, not yours.
Don't ever let this sort of thing make you feel bad about yourself. Just be happy they didn't waste any more of your time, and moved out of the way to make room for the right person to enter your life!

Posted by: christina at May 23, 2007 12:38 PM

I recently sent a kiss to a guy who had been checking out my profile every chance he could get for a week or more (as seen via the spy thing!!) but he hasn't bothered to reply, go figure!!! Maybe there are some people out there that just like to look!!!!

It is just rude not to reply but I wish they would modify some of the replies you can send, some feel a little harsh. I always thought that saying that you profile didn't match was an easy let down but after reading another blog, I have realised that that annoys people!!!

Posted by: gypsy at May 23, 2007 12:29 PM

As far as non replies it very frustrating in so far as emails because it doesn't cost them anything.What I find annoying is the use of auto replies with emails,all they have to say is not interested and I would be satisfied

Posted by: daff at May 23, 2007 12:22 PM

Shigui, I reply to all kisses sent to me, and all emails. I am always polite and honest. But you know what really peeves me off? I have read in a lot of blogs on here that you guys tell us to accept people for who they are and not worry about looks and all that. And you know it goes both ways. I am not a small girl, in the process of losing weight, but ..I have a killer smile, a fantastic personality, am heaps of fun, but do you know how many guys have rejected me because of my size? That really sucks, and yet on here I read a lot of guys telling us to not worry about looks. Grrrr makes my blood boil!!!

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at May 23, 2007 11:30 AM

I am glad I have the opportunity to make a comment on this subject, it had been frustrating me for some time. Recently I have had kisses and emails from a couple of guys who have contacted me previously and I have answered the emails and then nothing (twice), don't they use their history to see who they have contacted in the past. To do it once is bad enough to do it twice, is rude and inconciderate, why do they bother wasting a stamp if they are not really interested.
As people have said above, this is a very frustrating aspect of RSVP.

Posted by: Frances at May 23, 2007 9:48 AM

What if you end up in my position of being off work for nearly three months due to a health problem, you have no money coming in to be able to waste 55 bucks on stamps.Someone has contacted me, I wish to communicate with them but it will be another two weeks before the money starts coming back in so I can purchase stamps. Meanwhile the person that has contacted me has to wait nearly a month to get a reply. I think it would be better to be able to buy stamps individually on an as needed basis to be used within forty eight hours. I don't think that will happen though as it means Fairfax won't make as much profit out of us members

Posted by: Jim at May 23, 2007 8:46 AM

I;m a amazed by the lack of manners!Don;t know how they get on in the real world. Some people need coaching on communication and relating to people skills; regardless of their education and world travel.Is that all there is to them?Very sad state of affairs!Don;t they think beyond themselves!

Posted by: Justareallyniceguy at May 23, 2007 1:35 AM

I agree with a lot of whats been said here. People who don't have the decency to reply are so incredibly rude. Common people, it's free to send a kiss and reply to an email so by not responding, you're only hurting yourself by casting the proverbial shadow on yourself. There is NO excuse to not reply even if it's to say not interested.

Robyn, Ive had a few of those 'honest' contacts and i can only assume that these people are corresponding with that someone, BUT how about having something in the profile that actually says that so they don't waste the time of others *nudges RSVP*

SeraphSuzie, some of you girls need a good kick up the bum too ;) Door swinging both ways and all that.

Posted by: Shigui at May 23, 2007 12:32 AM

How about a reply to a Kiss that says something like, "Thanks for contacting me but at the moment I don't feel strongly one way or the other". This doesn't rule people in or out and at least gives you another option to reply.

Posted by: Thor at May 22, 2007 10:59 PM

What are you guys going on about? A non-response is a response - the person ain't interested. They're rude, sure, but not ambiguous. It is clear where you stand with ``kissees'' who do not respond. Move on. Plenty more to explore. I think RSVP is doing all it can to make the service safe and efficient. What does concern me, or rather bemuses me, is how swift men want to contact you directly to avoid using stamps while us girls prefer the relative safety of staying anonymous for a little bit longer. Again RSVP is doing all it can to make contact safe and men should respect women who are not keen to reveal their email addresses or phone numbers too soon. After all, that is the attraction of safe sites such as RSVP for women. Men should realise that paying for stamps is a small price to pay for the safety of the site. Surely men should realise the benefits of not giving out their number until they are sure they want to maintain contact.

Posted by: Di at May 22, 2007 10:58 PM

How come all men out there are looking for the same kind of of women but I get all rejections.....mainly coz i am a bit chubby & have a son!!!!

C'mon....i think I am better then thousands of women out there....

Posted by: Vasu at May 22, 2007 10:51 PM

I used to think that there was something wrong with either my own or RSVP's email system when the emails suddenly stopped or there was no reply to the requested email.

My personal thing is that I buy the stamp if I have initiated the contact. I read every profile sent to me and think carefully before I reply, or before I send a kiss. Sometimes it is hard to turn away such nice men, but I always have a reason for doing so.
On the few occasions I have encouraged contact when deep down I knew it couldn't work out, I have blocked that member before they could waste a stamp on me. I get embarrassed when men email prior to a test kiss and I am not attracted. I hate them wasting a stamp on me. I only ever correspond with one person at a time as I think that is sensible and fair.

I once had a reply six months after my email! No real reason.
He couldn't understand why I was not very pleased and declined his offer to meet after being ignored for so long.

RSVP of course there is something you can do to be fair as the stamps are very expensive.
You can either introduce a periodic access fee or you should refund the stamp if there is no reply. You could have an initial controlled email which does not contain personal contact details. Then if the recipient does not reply, refund the stamp. That is only fair as members have paid for a service they did not receive.
You are right that you cannot control or force people to reply, but you can control the fairness of the stamp system.
Allow purchase of one stamp at a time and /or increase the time for their usage again.

The forced reply feature is not a good idea as I think it might lead to people send false replies, thus generating further problems. I often wonder if there is an element of "pay back" to the opposite sex for the sins of former partners on RSVP. That is people sending contacts and asking for kisses knowing that their is a chance a woman or a man might waste their money by sending a futile email.They gain satisfaction from passive aggression.
patience

[CS: the "service" as mentioned earlier is for the emails to be delivered, unfortunately it does not include a guarantee the other member will reply or do so positively. As mentioned in the piece there is a level of risk when a member decides to use a stamp and they have to be willing to accept that risk as part of the process.]

Posted by: patience at May 22, 2007 10:38 PM

I don't like sending kisses to hidden pic profiles. In a small city like Canberra, there comes a time when its inevitable, the pool down here is much smaller than other capital cities. First you look for perfection then work backwards. Eventually (and I've been on here for years) you read a profile and think Hmmm, maybe. You send a kiss, a password comes back, and the picture doesn't tip the balance. What do you do then?

Posted by: dayan at May 22, 2007 10:24 PM

It is plain bad manners not to respond to a kiss. For both men and women it is really hard to take the plunge and approach someone, so to not receive a response is a punch to ones self esteem. Unfortunately the people that would do this are not the types to read these blogs....don?t you hate that!

Posted by: Baznett at May 22, 2007 10:21 PM

You are all right by saying that it saves you grief if they don't reply, but my vindictive side would love to see a little icon next to their online/number of pictures icons which shows that they have ignored contacts in the past..>;->

Posted by: stoic at May 22, 2007 10:14 PM

Absolutely I agree that no reply is the epidemey of sheer and utter rudeness...Even thanks but do not bother....

Posted by: Pamela at May 22, 2007 9:24 PM

Sure, yes, no replies are bad manners, but I also think it's a pretty cool manner of natural selection. For instance, would you really want to meet some-one who thinks that it is appropriate to ignore kisses or email. Let em go and move on I say. Be thankful for those who didn't reply, they have saved you the grief of spending time with them.

Posted by: Gratitudegirl at May 22, 2007 9:24 PM

This is true.
I always make sure I reply.
Once I was treated to some nasty abusive text for saying no.
There are so many things you are looking for in the opposite sex, it is difficult for anyone to find the right match.
If you do get rejected, don't take it personally. I talked to a man who met with 99 women before he met Mrs Right! So don't give up too soon.

Posted by: mac at May 22, 2007 8:37 PM

I have used up stamps on guys, who have I have emailed , only for them to disappear with no 'sorry but not interested' or 'changed my mind'...and I know it is not through any fault of mine...And the amount of kisses I have sent and not had any reply at all. And I even state on my profile that I would appreciate a reply even if its a rejection. Some of you guys need a good kick up the bum and need to learn some manners.

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at May 22, 2007 7:09 PM

i think its just plain rude not to respond.

Posted by: k at May 22, 2007 7:03 PM

This is the biggest flaw of the whole RSVP system, but it doesn't have to be. It's all very fine to send kisses, spend money buying stamps and writing, but if you get no response, it's more frustrating than anything. I am an honest person and expect honesty back, not rudeness. If the lady isn't interested, then tell me! I can cope, I'm a big boy, so it's not an issue to hear if someone's not interested. At least I know where I stand. Maybe RSVP should have a feedback system like Ebay so people can see if a member actually bothers to reply to people or is just there to waste everyone's time, kisses and stamps.
A bit of honesty and truthfullness goes a long way...

Posted by: sportbikeguy at May 22, 2007 7:01 PM

I totally agree with Justin. Be polite and follow up. On the other hand, it's probably a blessing in disguise - who would want to be involved with someone that rude, selfish and inconsiderate.

Another pet hate, along the same vein, are the people that say in their profiles that honesty is very important, yet reply that they have met someone and won't be f/up the contact - yet go online each day thereafter. That is far from honest.

Posted by: Robyn at May 22, 2007 6:57 PM

On a side note, is anyone else getting the "your comment will be held for moderation the first time you post" screen every time they make a comment?

[Ed: Everyone gets this. We moderate the blog to filter out abusive/defamatory remarks and spammers. There are also some blogs (such as "Got an idea for a blog topic?" and some of the Customer Service blogs) where we think it appropriate to deal with a particular comment one-to-one. Everything else we try and let through]

Posted by: stoic at May 22, 2007 6:08 PM

Agreed Jason. It is the height of rudeness not to reply, especially given the auto-refuse functions.

How about an email to the sender of the kiss/email telling them their contact has been remained unread for 30 days or has been deleted without being read.

I am tempted to say to include a forced reply function, for it simply would not apply to me, but given the numbers of people on RSVP, is it warranted?

I am very tempted to say yes as in my experience the number of non-replies has increased greatly over the last couple of months.

Ask me again in another couple of months

Posted by: stoic at May 22, 2007 6:06 PM

There is ABSOLUTELY no excuse for a person to not reply to kisses/emails. This is the most frustrating and annoying aspect on rsvp. To put it bluntly it is rude, impolite and lacking in common courtesy! Sorry but to say that you've changed your mind or you're too busy is simply a cop-out.

Posted by: jason at May 22, 2007 4:27 PM