RSVP Blog

Woodnwine:

No I didn't go to the movies on Saturday night.

We have never corresponded or sent each other kisses. I think you asked me that on another blog, but I can't find the thread.We live 2000 kms apart.

I agree with you about the first meeting , but I guess it could be called date zero as possible romance is the intent.

I met someone for a drink recently and as it turned out he was hungry and ordered a meal . I wasn't eating and I didnt mind at all, I just sat on my one drink while we talked and he ate. He also had 2 wines and a coffee.
After spending an hour with him and enjoying his company, I politely ended the night & excused myself. As I got up to leave he asked me for $5 to cover the cost of my one drink.
Needless to say date zero didnt ever get to date 1.

Its not about the money.
Psychobabble

Posted by: at September 13, 2007 10:15 PM

@ decoratress your post Sep 9 6:34 PM...Regarding your dilemna. Send her an email, but get a man to pay for the stamps! We wouldnt expect YOU to pay! ha ha

Posted by: getReal at September 13, 2007 12:52 PM

psychobabble - Yes, you got under my skin with your outdated attitudes. Someone pointed out to me today that perhaps I view the stamp issue the way I do because I got financially ripped off by a woman so for me it is a matter of principal. Sorry, too many people viewed my profile so your image would be long gone. Did you go to the movies on Saturday night by any chance? Flags are good, words are better.

The situation remains that I am currently fed up with the games people play on this site and will remain withdrawn, just tidying up loose ends at present.

Posted by: woodnwine at September 9, 2007 10:21 PM

I've a dilemma (which also relates to the EncouragementKiss blog topic)

As a matter of general interest, I was looking at profiles of other women around my age & saw a profile I admired. I sent her a kiss saying I really loved what she had said.... I assumed she would take it as a simple compliment- she lives in another State, our interests are worlds apart & my profile states I'm not looking for a pen-pal.
However, she sent the response "is interested & looking forward to receiving your email..."

I feel rude not emailing her, but never intended to spend money or initiate contact...

Do I not reply?
Or do I waste a stamp to explain that I'm not interested in communicating further....?

love&peace
decoratress

Posted by: decoratress at September 9, 2007 6:34 PM

yeah, may hurt your dignity, but as a business owner, it shouldn't hurt your pocket, or dont say you own a business, just say 'employed'... lol.
hay, my accountant got to claim it as an business expense (stamps for envelopes) some women are like envelopes... just need a good licking.
cheers man... enjoy the tax break.
just like to add... i got 12 stamps, and this total babe sent me a kiss...i'd pay what ever to talk to her... think of it as $75 to meet 1 nice person and you get make 11 error's... doubt your business is that forgiving... then again you did mention stamps being expensive.
I have 11 spare stamps... ya want them?

cheers

Posted by: g00glesBACK at September 9, 2007 2:10 AM

I took my profile off this medium as obviously I was not the type of woman any man wanted that I had kissed. I would say quite a few chaps that I had kissed sent replies back that they were corresponding with someone else but lo and behold they are ALL in the top 100 STILL!! When I kissed them I didn't know the top 100 existed. I really don't get it. This is not sour grapes just very interesting. I consider myself to be extremely good looking (but I am not photogenic, as are most people unless you are a supermodel). When I go out I am always approached, lovely men, but just not my type. Maybe my profile was just tooo blunt and straight to the point to what I was looking for in a partner and by the way everyone I was looking for a friend, since when do I have to be "perfect" to be a friend or penpal. There are alot of players out there who underneath it all are very insecure people and they should look into themselves more than looking at a computer screen. Best of luck everyone, you are gonna need it.

Posted by: valentinacat at September 8, 2007 4:12 PM

Hi,

I took my profile off RSVP for this very reason. Not only does it hurt your pocket to send a stamp, it also hurts your dignity to be ignored. Sometimes even after someone has responded positively to your kiss.

Today I decided to poke my head in on a whim and can possible add this suggestion.

When someone receives an email from someone the email can contain all the profile information. At the bottom there could be a click box with the following options.
Click (optionA) if you wish to respond to this persons email.
or
Click (option B) if you do not wish to respond. The senders stamp will then be refunded.

Of course rsvp would have to figure out how to screen out any identifying emails/phone numbers etc, otherwise people could circumvent the stamp system altogether. RSVP would also need to check their database to see if the receiver had previously responded positively to a kiss. If they hadn't responded to a kiss, or responded negatively then clearly the stamp shouldn't get refunded.

Sadly, the anonymous nature of the net makes it easy for people to ignore the feelings of others.

And RSVP, if your going to make the stamps so expensive you had better provide either longer expiration times, or allow single stamps to be purchased. Theres nothing more annoying than being forced to buy a book of 6 stamps to contact one person and then find yourself stuck with the remaining 5. If you find love you don't care but if you don't then you find yourself shot gun firing those emails off because you have to.

Regards
GetTheLook

Posted by: getthelook at September 7, 2007 4:32 PM

I think that non replies to kisses are rude but it could also mean that the person is not a person but a bot. Otherwise I think that the person could be a player wanting to collect the kisses and keeping a long list of potentials.

Posted by: Mookle at September 7, 2007 3:12 PM

I say GET RID OF THE STAMPS. I think a monthly perscription or someother way of paying would be better. Then it does not cost you anything to get no replies. I met someone on this site and chose to persue it while I still had 3 stamps in the bank after a month it did not workout. Goodbye 3 stamps. Ouch that hurt.

Posted by: SmackThat1970 at September 7, 2007 2:51 PM

Why do men say they are interested in the kiss you sent them and are going to buy stamps to email you and then dont??!!...how stupid is that..why play games!!!

Posted by: pixiemagic at September 7, 2007 2:43 PM

This is all very interesting...I try to reply to all the kisses I get and some of them are rejections, however, some do not take the hint, i even get 3-4 kisses from the same person (and i keep rejecting them by replying to their kiss with flattered but does not match profile blah blah blah) eventually get email from them asking WHY our profiles dont match, obviously i'm not interested...so i actually think a no response is better than being stalked!!!!

Posted by: anon at September 7, 2007 2:29 PM

Woodnwine, I've been reading your posts today and it sounds like you've had some experiences and are thoroughly fed up. Look - fair enough. But I'd urge you to stop looking at "women" as a whole. What do women in their 40s want from a man? Hell, I'm a woman in my 40s and *I* can't answer that! I can only tell you what I want; I can't speak for any other woman and REFUSE to let any other woman speak for me. So what it boils down to is probably what it's ALWAYS been down to, since time immemorial: finding the individual who wants what you have to offer in your own individual and inimitable combination.

But back to topic: always replying to kiss is standard practice for me, even though the prefab answers are either a) naff or b) rude, and it's so simple to do that I can't understand guys who don't reply. Are they in SUCH demand? But hey - it's part of the territory and because it's equally simple to do, the guys who don't reply are thereafter blocked or ignored. Not answering an e-mail after inviting one, however... GRRRRAAAAAHHH! I'd love a ratings system that'd show these kinds of people up.

Posted by: PrettyAsYou at September 7, 2007 1:51 PM

woodnwine at September 6...

When we find the right person, they'll be stunning to us, & us to them... no matter what they look like.

Good Luck to EVERYONE- that's what I say- we all deserve to be happy!

love&letslookdeep (goddamit, let's look EVERYWHERE!)
decoratress

Posted by: decoratress at September 7, 2007 1:43 PM

thefotografer at September 5...

The Top100 is about how many replies you send- it's based on courtesy as much as numbers.

What a shame you didn't bother responding to the (obviously) well mannered lady who asked you to email her... as you send so many, it seems odd you wouldn't take a chance on someone so attractive? She may have been the one you're seeking?

Perhaps you could've sent a kiss saying you were waiting for HER email if you were unsure how serious she was re your contact? If she was keen, she may have spent the stamp?

As far as I know, there's no prize for top spot (other than an ego-trip!)
I've also heard people send multiple kisses in order to receive as many responses as possible- thus pushing themselves up the ladder- thus making themselves more visible (Search Top100 option).

love&clearasmud
decoratress

Posted by: decoratress at September 7, 2007 1:37 PM

It's true! People tell you they are caring, considerate and respectful of other people and yet when you email or send a kiss they don't even reply. Actions speak much louder than words- so to all those rude, thoughtless people-I hope you reap what you sew.

Posted by: PenPalMe1 at September 7, 2007 1:37 PM

I think some sort of warning to say this person does not reply would be great . I once used 5 stamps without one single reply and I had got back from all the "waiting for an email".I always reply even if I am not interested.

Posted by: Charlie57 at September 7, 2007 12:49 PM

i had been chatting to a guy over the phone, i intented on meeting next week (even planned to have the day off at work), now he simply ignores me, and wont reply or call me, simply because im overweight, this is just pathetic, i am getting discriminated cos the way i look. A simple appology that he all of a sudden doesnt want to know me (prehaps he found someone better), not just ignore me, prehaps there should be a feedback system

Posted by: belbelchic at September 7, 2007 12:39 PM

Hi I am finding the men on this site increasingly frustrating. Everytime I send a kiss lately I get a "have recently started seeing somebody else so am not following up contact (or words to that effect) then why are they still online everyday - and they stay online even after they respond in that way. A little bit of honesty would be so much appreciated - I am extremely honest and I don't think that there is any harm in that. If we couldn't handle the truth we all wouldn't put ourselves out here when rejection is only a click away.

Posted by: crazysexycool25 at September 7, 2007 11:56 AM

I agree with all the rudeness that most of us experience but I think the worst is when you get a reply to your kiss and they are looking forward to your email...then after you spend a stamp emailing them they reply giving you a phone number..you ring and chat for perhaps an hour at your expense and then never hear from them again!!!.

I also absolutely hate the ones that say they have no stamps well hello...just buy some like the rest of us!!.

Also...the ones that say they have just met someone then you see them up there again!!...how weak!!

Posted by: pixiemagic at September 7, 2007 11:25 AM

Hello everyone....WOW these blogs can be pretty harrowing can't they? I have had quite a chuckle reading some of them.

I just wanted to add my two cents worth in the 'separation' conversation. I have been 'separated' for 19 years or so. I have had no reason to get divorced and quite frankly, no real desire to get divorced either. I see my ex at familial gatherings but given that I can count my family on both hands (with fingers to spare) I dont see him often at all. We have nothing in common and all our 'business' has been tidied for well and truly over a decade.

I am not sure I comprhend the importance of whther someone gets divorced or not....perhaps I need enlightenment??

Cheers,
Hells

Posted by: okamhere at September 7, 2007 11:09 AM

If someone passes you on the street and says "good morning", do you reply or ignore them ?
ITS CALLED GOOD MANERS.....
Even the most educated people lack the very basics of human comunication.
I have learnt not to take a non reply personaly, as they are the ones with the problem.
And how do you know a non reply 'is a reply', there is such things as email overload, computers crashing, wrong numbers, out of range mobiles etc etc..
Get a backbone and reply otherwise karmer will bite you in the ass.....

Posted by: eureka1854 at September 7, 2007 10:13 AM

geee !!! ,,,WOODNWINE ,,,I have really got under your skin.

Under all that seeming politeness of yours I sense some simmering passive aggression.

A man who continues to pursue a woman when she says she is not interested is a red flag. Men who ignore a womans boundaries are a concern, the type of men who wont take NO for an answer.

I am concerned you have made light of this.

I am not a princess as you suggest, but a woman with healthy boundaries and a good self esteem. Any man who is interested in me will know that I am interested if the feeling is mutual, because I will give him encouragement within the social norms. But I won't chase him.

If you have that 'trawling
last 10 people viewed ' thing activated, you will see that I have read your profile in the past week. See if you can figure it out.

Your postSeptember 6, 2007 11:13 PM

"No reply after no reply, rejection after rejection, lie after lie. What do women in their 40s want from a man? "

Well I have tried to tell you what women like, but you chose not to listen to my opinion and that is your choice of course. But why are you asking again?

I suspect that if we ever did meet, Woodnwine we may even like each other.

I would certainly be a challenge thats for sure ,and so would you, no doubt. May be thats why you have never met any one on this site, possibly not challenging enough for you Woodnwine. You havent met your match....yet

I am waving the white flag. Lets call a truce.

Deborah:)

Posted by: Psychobabble at September 7, 2007 7:00 AM

Okay, just this very minute it has been proved to me again, that some people send out indiscriminate VKs BUT I STILL DID SEND A REPLY BACK.

A childless, super active male (don't worry, he won't be reading this & it definitely is not a blogger) who would like:

"...to meet a spiritual women mind, body and soul, mentally, physically and emotional, a well balanced individual, who likes to keep active."

Well really...how many strikeouts is that, proving he has not bothered looking at any of my details??? (Read self-deprecation from hereon.)

Let's see now..."spiritual" -I'm agnostic (still don't know whether or not there is a god and I don't read the stars or have the energy to explore alternatives,)

"a well balanced individual" -well honestly, I'm so out of kilt some days I can't help tripping over myself or the foot in my mouth and my sarcastic, low-brow humour.

And I'm amused by his further requirements of,
"likes to keep active"
-gee, golly, gosh & whiz, does my twice weekly hydrotherapy count??

Perhaps final proof of not reading my profile?
He didn't come up in my viewing section. (I've had the same viewer for a day or so.)

...Now would such a clever, literate sort of fella who can't read my details, have the nouse to turn off the recording of his views and therefore not show up on my list?
Or, would he actually have the foresight to have viewed my profile awhile back and thought he remembered my details?

Yes, I understand some women do the same but I'm not a recipient to those approaches so I cannot contribute any experiences for the opposite side.

As for my reply? "...thanks you for your Kiss. She is flattered by your interest, but notes that your profile does not match his/her ideal partner profile..." etc, etc.

*Sigh* vent over. I'll go and make a cuppa tea and take all my little aches and pains to bed.

And I'll definitely be thinking with a smile, of the positive blogs and approaches I have been fortunate enough to read and receive so far. : )

Posted by: OrnamentalOnly at September 7, 2007 2:01 AM

No reply after no reply, rejection after rejection, lie after lie. What do women in their 40s want from a man? Obviously too much! It shouldn't be this hard to meet someone but it is! Too hard for me though so good luck all you beautiful, gorgeous, stunning, perfect people and commiserations to all you average people.

Posted by: woodnwine at September 6, 2007 11:13 PM

Re: my own blog September 1...

My way of dealing with 'no reply' was to say something, even though it meant using a stamp. I like to be direct, & admit to feeling satisfaction in disconcerting someone who has assumed their rudeness won't be questioned... in my case they were wrong.

I'm pleased to report that my straightforward approach resulted in a very gracious apology & the promise'v a longer reply soon.....

Whether the reply arrives or not is irrelevant to me- I simply hope that next time, this man may think twice before inviting an email he's too busy to respond to. Somewhere down the track it may save another woman a wasted stamp she can ill afford.

To be honest, if he does email me again, I'll probably not respond... just to drive the message home. After all, it's cost him nothing, & his lack'v manners blew it for me anyway.

love&mannersmakethman
please, thank you & goodnight all....
decoratress

Posted by: decoratress at September 6, 2007 1:52 AM

Newbie, newbie, newbie!!! If someone asked you a question would you just walk off without answering. Or if you aske someone a question would you like it if they just walked off without answering. Manners cost nothing. Replying does not take much time at all. As for people who say they waiting for your email yet then when you send one you get no reply. Waste of a stamp. RSVP should either refund your stamp. Maybe even cancel the other parties membership for a week or 2. Or better still take one of their stamps and give it to you. But usually those types of people are the ones that have no intention of purchasing any stamps in the first place. While i am at it. Hey RSVP how about taking off this stupid restriction for when you have to use your stamps by. Am sick of them expiring. Is it just me fellow would be daters???? Will step down off my soapbox now and let someone else have a go.

Posted by: bradbaby at September 5, 2007 5:40 PM

I''ve sent kisses to men i thought i might like to get to know but got no reply so i've figured they are rude and can't be bothered replying even to say that they are flattered but wish me luck, at least they replied but those men who i use a stamp i received as a gift ie a birthay stamp and who don't reply are really rude. I mean a stamp at any price is valuable and i've wasted one or two on idiots who have not replied so i keep e-mailing them for the month that it's valid just to remind them that i'm out there. Now i have the problem, i've used up my three kisses on a nice person, who i wouldn't mind getting to know and can't tell him as i have no stamps left and as for getting the stamps... the problem for me now is getting through on the phone to purchase them.....and i don't want to let this person "pass me by"......

Posted by: whitelilly75 at September 5, 2007 4:47 PM

SeraphSuzie - nice to hear a woman speak up for seperated people. Many people have been seperated for years and just don't see the need to spend the $400 to get the divorce unless they want to re-marry. The important thing is the financial seperation, after that it's just paperwork. If two people live apart and have a signed court order then they can hardly be regarded as married.

Posted by: woodnwine at September 5, 2007 3:28 PM

SeraphSuzie(Sept 4; 7.50 pm)

Good question: you ask if people who are separated should date?

Whilst there are both men and women that have been separated for over a year and in some case years and have been emotionally out of the marriage for ages... It takes time to get over the trauma, the love, the hate, the guilt, the ex-in-laws,the parents, the bestman... ad nauseum..the list goes on and on.

The healthiest way to be whole and make sure you don't repeat the whole thing all over again is to wait at least a full year after the divorce before you begin dating again. This is irrespective of who actually did the leaving or even if it was mutual.

This gives you the time to know that you can live on your own and also gives you the space to figure out how what seemed so right could go so wrong, so that you don't have to feel guilty about it any more or worry that it could happen again.

So many of my clients leave one relationship, whether through death or divorce, and rather than feel the pain and deal with it, they fill up the hole they are experiencing with someone else too quickly.This rarely works and is often a rebound or transitional relationship.

If you look inward and take the time to allow emotional growth you will emerge with confidence & your equilibrium back, and you will be your best self ready to make healthy choices for yourself.

As for myself, I want a long term relationship and I would like to get married again and I am not prepared to waste time on men that are not emotionally available for whatever reason. if someone has been separated for years without divorcing, there is a reason for it and it is usually some form of unconscious attachment with an inability to let go completely.

The following are all different ways of saying 'still married'

~separated
~staying together for the sake of the kids
~living together for the sake of the kids
~living like brother and sister
~can't afford to live separately right now
~too much of a hassle to do the paper work

Whatever... you get the idea.

Walking away from a long term committment is very hard, but using someone else to ease you out emotionally is not fair on any one involved, especially yourself.

Of course I would never tell any one not to date as it is personal choice, but I personally would not date someone who is separated.

The law also views the marriage partner as the next-of-kin despite the enstrangement, so you could live with someone for years but the "wife" has all the legal rights.

If I did meet a guy I liked who was separated, I would let him know that I would be interested in dating him when his divorce is final and for him to please let me know.

Posted by: Psychobabble at September 5, 2007 2:25 PM

Hi All,

I am with you SeraphSuzie, dont understand the whole issue with separation. I have been separated for 17 years now and have no ambition to get back together - hell, I haven't even communicated with my ex for over 10 years!!

If I were to decide marriage is for me again, then I would do something about it, but not looking at that option (that doesn't mean I cant commit either) because (to me) it has little relevance in this day and age.

Anyway, back to the topic of conversation - a brush off is a brush off whether communicated or not.

This may sound sexist guys, but it is a lot harder for women because I think that there are far more aggressive, strange guys out there than women and they should be far more careful and selective in screening their Kisses and Emails. The problem is that these type of people dont realise just how creepy they are - but you should get some idea because you write 3 page emails!!

Bob

Posted by: notgodsgift at September 5, 2007 10:58 AM

I would just like to thank the members for their many comments on this blog.
particularly the one about the top one hundred and why it is so.
Seeing that I am a frenetic sender of stamps and kisses and never feature on the top 100 it made me realise how many you must receive and send to get on the top 100.
It also saved me a stamp because I had a reply from a lovely looking woman asking for an email,then I checked the top 100,she was in the top 20,so I did not send it.She must have racked up hundreds.
Is there a prize for being number one ?
I just wondered because now I will avoid it like the plague.
Thanks again.

Posted by: thefotografer at September 5, 2007 10:09 AM

I have enjoyed the RSVP process. When I didn't receive responses, it helped me to consider my own attitudes and my self value. Does my self esteem rely on internal or external sources. If external ... is that a good thing? The RSVP system all just that, a system. When driving your car, how many seconds should you indicate before you change lanes ... everyone has an experience, everyone has an opinion.

Posted by: smilelaughenjoylife at September 5, 2007 8:05 AM

HELP ANYONE? Im a tad confused with some ladies behavior in regard to chat/emails on here. I ask to chat, they ACCEPT! I burn a stamp, then, after saying how wonderful/funny I sound, during this chat they just bail out!!... No, see you later, gotta go, nice chatting, the house is burning down, nothing! ... Emails politely asking why? have I offended, please explain, get no response??... Wonderful and funny one minute, not worth a reply the next!! ...OR after ACCEPTING my request to chat, it takes minutes waiting for their responses!... Im the original 2 fingered snail when it comes to typeing, but these people make me look fast!... Yes, mothers, family, multitasking? etc I can understand, however it is rude to keep a person waiting 5-8 minutes for such simple replies. .Give me the telephone anyday!... If you are too busy to chat, DONT ACCEPT-EASY AND POLITE......AND.....dont say I look forward to your email, IF YOU DONT!!!.. I dont wish to waste a stamp,just to pad your ego, that could have gone to someone more deserving. ..AND who kisses who first uses the stamp!!! ...Why? Firstly, many of us here are divorced etc, burnt maybe$$$ (dont whinge,thank the sisterhood!) Secondly,just because im the man? I dont even know you! Men,Women, it doesnt matter....You kiss me/you pay!.. I kiss you/I pay- savvy? ...Now dont start giving me crap about chivalry, not being a gentlemen or being a cheapskate etc Fact is, we are all equal here! ...Just the way you like it!... Dont worry, I still open doors for you, treat you with respect and if in love, will adore you... I dont expect you,to walk behind, or me to follow, side by side, hand in hand will do nicely thank you very much!... Geez im sounding snaggy, hardly befitting my black tee shirt and handyways. IMANENIGMA

Posted by: imanenigma at September 5, 2007 12:37 AM

It leaves me puzzled when guys send me a kiss, and I reply that I am interested in them messaging me...and then ...nothing happens. I wonder if I am meant to message them? But I figure that if you send someone a kiss it means you are interested and willing to take the next step toward having a conversation with them. If you're not...errm...why bother with sending the kiss in the first place?

I was trying to imagine what this might equate to in the real world..perhaps approaching someone and saying "would you like a drink?", then when they say yes, you say nothing and walk away. It's not so much rude, as just plain odd.

I really don't get why this happens as often as it seems to? But I guess I'll live. :)

Naamah3

Posted by: naamah3 at September 5, 2007 12:09 AM

Psychobabble (the imposter not the real one)- It appears you don't appreciate "men who send me a kiss, I reply "not interested" and a while later they send ANOTHER kiss.

~~ ditto above, then they even send an email ! when I have already said no to a kiss. They get deleted without a response I am afraid.

There are some men that I was curious to hear from... they sent the kiss. I respond "that I am interested in knowing more about them" I never ask for an email outright as i think it is a little presumptious.

However some emails I receive are 2-3 pages long and quite boring to read, probably a form letter prepasted and this puts me off. Some of these I dont reply to I confess."

Maybe they thought you were an adorable little princess and wanted to be pursued?

Posted by: woodnwine at September 4, 2007 10:11 PM

Well RSVP there's enough comment here to suggest some action on this no reply business. I used up my last stamp on someone who sounded really nice, well I know now that she isnt & I'd like to tell everyone her name but then that's being petty. Best to move on.

Posted by: Incurable 2007 at September 4, 2007 9:51 PM

Newbie Aug 30
there is a difference between the idea of "if you can't say something nice say nothing at all" in the context of strangers or general social interaction and in the context of personal relationships.
In the social setting it may serve you well and you will be seen as a 'nice person' (although not if you don't answer your mail)
However when it comes to your personal relationship to take that attitude means that you may have issues with confrontation and assertiveness. Ideally to be truly happy and content you must learn to be able to negotiate problems and confront behaviours or issues (to a staisfactory outcome for both partners) which arise in a relationship which cause you difficulty. If you don't you will end up a doormat or in power struggles of a bad kind and unhappy.
A couple of days is enough to wait for a response before moving on unless you realise theperson has not been online.

Posted by: whatididforlove at September 4, 2007 9:14 PM

Ah...these profiles that describe themselves as honest, considerate and reliable.

I have recently rejoined RSVP after some bad experiences last year and earlier this year. I had received several 'looking forward to receiving your email' responses. However, none of my emails were responded too; in 3 out of 5 occasions the other party had even initiated the 'kiss'. So...wasted stamps. But the thought crossed my mind that these may have been RSVP dummy profiles designed to solicit stamp purchases from boofheads like me. My profile was inoffensive and my email content polite and courteous so I do know that it was not what I wrote. Surely there cannot be so many ignoramuses out there who just don't reply to solicited email contacts? Perhaps there is. As one writer above put it, perhaps it is a blessing in disguise that there were no replies!

I write this as I forlornly await a return email from a profile that was, allegedly, 'looking forward to receivng [my] email!

Yep...I'm a glutton for punishment.

Posted by: EnglishTeacher at September 4, 2007 9:11 PM

I sent a naff young bloke a kiss. He replied he was looking forward to my email. I ummed and arggghed about purchasing stamps for one contact. I decided I had nothing to lose (cept for $54). I emailed him, and he then responded telling me (This isn't verbatim, my memory isn't what it used to be) ... "After re reading your profile and email I note you're not whom I'm looking for". Perhaps it's my written style that is too offbeat? He did say he was sorry to disapoint me! lolol How sweet. I'll try not to cry myself to sleep. I am wishing I hadn't spent the dosh on the stamp as I'm not seeing a lot of profiles at the minute that I'd be really interested in mailing! Does RSVP do refunds? ;o)

Posted by: thentherewasme at September 4, 2007 8:29 PM

Well I'm not sure I have anything to add that hasn't already been said several times before...Yes, it is incredibly rude to just not reply to a kiss. My gripe is when you send a kiss and you get the "Your profile does not match their ideal partner criteria" reply. The past few kiss replies i received saying that, nowhere in their ideal partner criteria did I not match. It just seems to me that you might as well be honest, if my profile didn't catch your eye, or you just don't think for whatever reason we'd hit it off I'd rather hear that. Am I alone in that view?

Posted by: Megaman2007 at September 4, 2007 8:28 PM

Psychobabble.. just curious.. if a woman is seperated do you think that she should not be dating? I am not sure why you would not date a seperated man for? Some people you know are seperated for years before divorcing, and not because they hope to get back with their ex but maybe just because it was such a hassle. I was seperated for quite a few years and dated during this time before divorcing to marry my second husband. Just a thought :-)

Posted by: SeraphSuzie at September 4, 2007 7:50 PM

Well- it just happened to me for the first time...

I sent a kiss, he sent the reply 'interested & waiting for your email', I sent an email........no reply.

The contact period expired, & having forgotten about him, I only realised this when I checked my contact history the other day.

I'm a gemini- I like to have a voice.
I'm a blogger- I know this is a contentious issue.
I have manners- I was brought up that way & understand why we need them.
I'm curious- as to why others don't....

This is how I dealt with it-

I used a free survey stamp to send a helpful email to this guy- I'm a helpful kinda girl...
I told him I'd gone back to his profile & yes, I was right... in the long list'v his delightful attributes- 'courteous' was missing. But that open, direct, honest, compassionate, & genuine were there....
I suggesed that if he were any one of those things he would have been courteous enough to let me know the status quo.
I told him the general view on the blogs was that non-replies were considered rude & arrogant.
I pointed out (in case he wasn't smart enough to think that far) that I'd spent money to send an email at his request.
I suggested that the response "thanks for the email, & sorry but I don't believe we would hit it off" would be perfectly adequate- & that taking 2minutes to send it was well within anyone's capabilities.

Of course, I signed off 'love&peace'... but did add that he shouldn't feel special because I say that to everyone...

He may not be 'open' enough to hear what I was saying.... one can lead a horse to water etc. but at the end of the day it's his own loss if he's a rude prick (ha ha, sorry- couldn't help it!)

uptoolate...
manners are an everyday way of showing respect for others.

love&peace2eventhediscourteous
decoratress

Posted by: decoratress at September 1, 2007 10:15 AM

I agree with most people here, that replying is better than not replying to kisses. To me it is really to do with the uncertainty factor. For those of you who seem to be pushing for silence, well how much silence is to be considered silence? Maybe not everybody here wishes to keep checking their emails in hope that someone replies, for weeks on end, thinking and wondering about that person? It is far better to know ASAP, I would have thought that quite logical. I also believe there is even less of an excuse not to reply unfavourably, in cyberspace than in real life. It is far easier to say no to someone with two mouse clicks than actually having to articulate it to them face to face.

On another note, I don't think RSVP can realistically set policies that impose too many restrictions on human behaviour, because in the end, rude people are going to be rude, either in cyberspace or real life. We really will get ignored and hurt no matter what. The only thing I can suggest is they lower their prices and or at least stop them from creeping upwards, as they have done in the past few years/months (not sure). Then, we can at least just get our feelings hurt and not have a lot of our money wasted on top of that (regarding unreplied to emails). Think about it: in real life, if we spend money on a drink/movie/whatever we at least get the satisfaction of that product, as well as the opportunity to share it with someone we are interested in. With an RSVP stamp, we get no other utility whatsoever out of sending one unless the person on the other end of the line follows through and gives us a chance. I don't think such a thing should be so costly, and neither do I believe stamps should expire at all. That just encourages using them too quickly on the wrong people, thus wasting our time and theirs.

Posted by: CD1983 at August 31, 2007 2:00 PM

Newbie- post 30 Aug
8:10 pm

I agree with what you say. Silence says it all and why should we try and force someone to reply any way.

I do not reply to all the kisses sent to me, in particular those men that choose to ignore my requests on my profile.

As follows:
~~ men who are attached/married

~~separated men ( still married)

~~ smokers

~~ outside my age requests

~~men who send me a kiss, I reply "not interested" and a while later they send ANOTHER kiss.

~~ ditto above, then they even send an email ! when I have already said no to a kiss. They get deleted without a response I am afraid.

There are some men that I was curious to hear from... they sent the kiss. I respond "that I am interested in knowing more about them" I never ask for an email outright as i think it is a little presumptious.

However some emails I receive are 2-3 pages long and quite boring to read, probably a form letter prepasted and this puts me off. Some of these I dont reply to I confess.

There are always two sides to every story.

Posted by: Psychobabble at August 31, 2007 1:16 PM

I am a new female member of RSVP. I have replied to all kisses I have received and not received one response from the several I have sent to men. To say the least I am disappointed by the lack of manners. Come on guys lift your game!

Posted by: Treasure17 at August 31, 2007 12:37 AM

I am a little confused. I have been taught that if you have negative news to tell then you don't tell at all, just stay silent is kinder, more subtle and more polite. But a lot of you bloggers are saying that is rude. How come? i don't understand it. How come rejecting someone is kinder and more polite? Can someone please explain to me?

Also, I personally think that if you contact a member that is reasonably active and they don't respond after they have logged on then i think you can assume that they are not interersted. But what about the ones that don't log on often? Any idea? How long should i wait before i can assume they are not interested?

Newbie

Posted by: at August 30, 2007 8:10 PM

the RSVP quote at the top of this blog ".... we can not force members to reply as the human factor is outside of our control."
that is an outright lie. It would be reasonable simple to programmatically ensure people can have no further communication on this site until they clear outstanding contacts.
But no, that might deny RSVP some revenue...so we arent likely to see that.

Posted by: GetReal at August 29, 2007 11:12 PM

rainbowsendb

this is just comman bad manners. Get used to it. you'll see a lot of that here.

Posted by: getReal at August 22, 2007 11:45 AM

O.K. you contact someone, you email back and forth, even chat on the phone, but don't yet exchange surnames or any other information, everthing is going along fine, contact everyday, then suddenly nothing, dead silence. What does a person do there, you have no way of knowing what as happened to that person. This as happened to me in the lasat week and I am worried about this persons wellfare, can RSVP help me?

Posted by: rainbowsendb at August 20, 2007 1:23 PM

a question and/or a request, i recently recieved a kiss and used a stamp to contact that person, the next day i checked to see if the email had been recieved and read, and lo and behold that person has deleted their profile, what an absolute waste of money, how about some form of refund or retribution if that happens? it is rude and thoughtless on the other persons behalf to simply remove their profile after sending a kiss, and what a waste of a kiss that could have been used on someone who may have appreciated it, and the person im am referring to is nugget07, you can check my inbox/outbox yourself if you like to see the kisses and emails sent and and recieved to prove my point

Posted by: magpieman at August 18, 2007 6:21 PM

with regards to wasted emails, i too have used stamps to send emails after getting " looking forward to recieving your email " kiss reply, does anyone else out there think that there are profile plants by rsvp to encourage us to buy stamps in the first place? because i wont spend the money on stamps unless i have someone to send an email to

Posted by: magpieman at August 18, 2007 5:07 PM

You know, im getting sick and tired off sending out RSVP Kisses and not getting a response. For me, it is out of courtesy and respect that if you receive a kiss, please respond. It is otherwise wasting my time and everyone elses time who are truly wanting to find a partner on this site. For those off you who are looking at my profile on a regular basis, if my ideal partner fits you, please send a kiss. If not, move on to the next profile. Also for those gentleman who look at a ladies looks alone and chats to several women at once before making a decision, not nice. Looks are not 100% important - they are to a certain degree - but not everything. And sometimes photos dont always really represent what a person looks like until you see them in person. So please think very carefully and be trufully honest to yourself and to others

Posted by: aimee1975 at August 15, 2007 2:55 AM

DAFF,

What do you mean by "you send a message they block you so you cannot respond"? Do you mean that you send them an uninvited email and then they block you? In that case, what they are politely saying is that they are not interested.

Did you check carefully to make sure that you fall within their ideal partner profile before you sent the email? If you don't fit their requirments then they may think you are deliberately wasting their time. Good luck.

Posted by: at August 9, 2007 7:01 PM

I have instigated contact, used my stamps & the stamp usage has been balanced between men & women.
Some men via these blogs which evolve into friendship & others via the RSVP kiss/email.... that has been disappointing.
I may be generalising but from my experience men who I instigate contact with tend to be lacksidasical in return contact. For me keeping it light with little expectation is manageable. I have been down the track where I hid or deleted my profile when a contact looked like it would develop into something more.... obviously it didn't work out & I am still here :~) now I am purely focused on creating friendships & if something special develops then that is a bonus.

Posted by: TrumansCat at August 9, 2007 12:37 AM

I think it is very rude to not reply to kiss/Emails but it is even worse when after you send a message they block you so you cannot repond

Posted by: DAFF at August 8, 2007 5:10 PM

To reply or not to reply?
For me it�s simple REPLY.

Someone has taken the time to send you a kiss so take the time (5 seconds) to reply via the e-mail it�s not that hard. I can see how to some people a non reply is a reply but not all of us send out kisses by the dozen. Some of us will only send out one because that�s all we are looking for the one true love. This is something RSVP need to see with there stamp buying if I send a e-mail to a person most of us would think that�s a couple of weeks before we may get to a face to face meeting only to find out that it�s not going to work so you try again.

It�s time to listen to your customers RSVP if you buy a gift voucher it�s 12 months standard this should not be any different for RSVP I no about buying more to get longer terms that�s not the point what you are doing is encouraging people to do be dishonest or setting people for heart ache to find out the they have been seeing someone else to get the most out of there money. As with the kiss reply�s there just is not enough reply�s on saying sorry not interested. It�s time to move on this and just one more point in our profile we tell people we are looking for friendship but there are not reply�s for that either.
You have enough people that reply to your blog�s I�em sure if you send them a e-mail saying here are a few options what are your thought�s you will get some very sound advice to better help your customers.

P.S. you cannot force someone to reply and it�s not a good idea to brand people that don�t reply when all they will do is setup a new profile and you start the cycle again.

Good luck all.

Posted by: shyniceguy1 at August 7, 2007 5:05 PM

Can somebody please explain to me the Top 100. I think that is rude. Does it mean they get the most emails and kisses or they buy the most stamps. Anyway I think it is very shallow and egotistical.

Posted by: valentinacat at August 4, 2007 5:03 PM

It should be as simple as automatically disable the possibilty to send a kiss if you have some unreplied one in your mail box.

And you should get your stamp back if your mail is unreplied say after two weeks?

(provided that e-mail didn't give another e-mail adress)

Posted by: not telling! at August 3, 2007 6:09 AM

I agree with so many RSVP'ers on here!! I am so frustrated to have wasted stamps i can ill afford on people who have replied "looking foward to your email" - then NOTHING!! I make an effort to reply to everyone, Its polite. I am actually thinking of pulling my profile i am so fed up - with non-replies.

Posted by: Surfergirl at August 2, 2007 2:56 PM

mswynter,

You are so right. The only men that seems to use RSVP are mentally unstable men. Apart from hearing of stories of disappearances of the guy after some contact i have not heard of any other type of story on RSVP. Let's just hope that they save up some money to visit a professional to fix them selves up instead of hoping the ladies of RSVP to do it for them free of charge.

Posted by: at July 31, 2007 10:21 PM

l guess the main issue here is the lack of politeness out there. A lot of people just don't give a damn, however judging by the consistent theme here, many do. I also think that given the amount of feedback that has been offered up over a period of several weeks, maybe RSVP should attempt to address the problem.Don't know how but there are plenty of suggestions here.
I also feel restricted by the lack of decent replies to kisses if you are not interested in the *kisser*, and also believe that it is polite to reply as politeness is an integral part of my upbringing and it never hurt anyone. (being polite that is...)

Anyway thats my opinion for what its worth.

Posted by: auntykaz at July 31, 2007 8:01 PM

Hi, have only been a member of RSVP for a number of weeks. Would like to comment on replies.
I have sent a few kisses and always had a reply whether positive or not. And kisses I have received I have always responded to. Must admit I haven't as yet bought any stamps. However have received 4 emails and instead of taking the out the senter for a cup of coffee, even if I don't think we have a compatible profile, I insist that I take them out for a meal whether it be luncheon or dinner (at my expense), after all they have gone to their expense of sending an email through RSVP which I appreciate and is only polite.
Perhaps I am old fashioned but that is the way I am.
Cheers

Posted by: merelybrian46 at July 30, 2007 5:45 PM

athousandwords...wouldn't your words be better used to describe yourself in your profile? People are either polite or not.

anon at July 24..if some guy uses his stamps for that purpose then you know he is 'not quite right' in the mental stability stakes so anything abusive he has to say is to be view as the ravings of a lunatic! Always remember that the person writing does not know you or anything about you so never take any negative comments to heart.

Posted by: mswynter at July 29, 2007 12:05 PM

I don't get too fazed when I don't get a reply to my kisses, but I get really annoyed if I get a 'looking forward to your e-mail' reply, use a stamp and then after he sends one reply e-mail you don't hear from the guy again. I only spend a stamp if I have initiated the contact, and this has saved me a lot of money, but come on guys - I'm a big girl now and can take a knock back, I just hate to be left waiting to see if you'll ever get back to me. After all I might miss out on meeting my Mr Right while I'm waiting patiently in good faith for you. I'm not the sort to have a few different guys hanging on the line while I make up my mind which one I'll choose, so I prefer to be in contact with one at a time.

The trouble is knowing how long to wait for a reply before moving on. I kissed one guy who did not respond immediately. No biggy, I just moved on, it was only a kiss after all. Then he responds to my kiss a month later (despite being active on RSVP for that whole month). Was I his last resort? It sure felt that way. I did use a stamp to send him an e-mail explaining that he took too long to respond.

On the flip side, I sent a kiss to a guy who did not respond, but whose profile went off RSVP around the same time. When his profile reappeared some time later I sent another kiss and he responded quickly. There's a lot to be said for people who remove their profiles while they are getting to know another RSVPer - it shows integrity and goes a long way to building trust.

By the way, I'm not having ago at guys in this blog, I know there are plenty of women out there who are also doing he wrong thing - it comes down to being inconsiderate and having bad manners. A big thumbs up to all the great people who are doing the right thing.

Posted by: Fefa63 at July 29, 2007 11:44 AM

I am too frustrated by wasting stamps on guys who ask for an email and then you never hear back and, clearly you can see they have logged on. even after sending a second email to confirm any interest or not, still no reply. I suggest that rsvp could, as a will of good gesture, reinstate a stamp based on a certain criteria. ie. the recipient asked for an email and the sender sent an email. no reply from recipient, a second email was sent to follow up, again no reply and, the member has logged on. given that there are many people who are not really committed it makes it expensive to continuously be wasting stamps.

Posted by: lisajd at July 29, 2007 10:49 AM

Tact with respect to peoples feelings is a great concept - but I'll take direct and honest communication any day. While I recognise that there is a 'heart on the other end' I also assume that the person on the other end appreciates my respect for their time and attention in my prompt reply, one way or the other. I abhor being stuffed around, and tend to assume that others do too.

It's hard enough to read accurately into game playing in a real-life, real-time situation.. Trying to do so over the net, with any number of complications a possible reason for a lack of reply. The person above who suggested that silence is a 'polite no' needs a dictionary.. It is a no, certainly.. But it is far from polite. Down right rude if you ask me.

I've taken to circumventing kisses altogether.. While expensive, if I think someone is worthwhile - I email them directly. This way, there is little reason not to get a response of some sort. And if cost ever became an issue, I'd cease to use RSVP. Appropriate pricing of stamps is their problem - not mine, if they appreciate my business.

Just my 2 cents,

--
KMFDMR

Posted by: KMFDMR at July 28, 2007 7:53 PM

I'm a bit late coming onto this blog but I totally agree with thatalexguy's post (July 11). RSVP should do something to improve the service. I've only been on the site for 3 weeks and I'm already considering taking my profile off, given that not one person I've kissed back has emailed me. Obviously, the stamp system is not working. Eventually, people will become frustrated and leave the system altogether. When that happens, RSVP will no longer be in business. A shake-up is needed. RSVP needs to look at what other countries are doing and emulate the best out there to achieve a win-win for everyone. Given that the same "success story" couple have graced the home page for the last 5 weeks (at least) tells me that this aint working for many of us. To increase the odds, RSVP has to make it easier for people to get in touch. The more we get in touch, the more money they get... it's pretty simple maths. I have lots of single friends who ask me about RSVP and I now tell them not to bother - it's a waste of time as nobody purchases stamps to email!

Posted by: Fed Up at July 28, 2007 4:20 PM

I'm very confused about the RSVP system. Even though I've sent reply kisses to at least 5 guys in the last 3 weeks with the auto-message "looking forward to receiving your email soon", not one person has emailed me! If a guy kisses me first and I'm interested, I will kiss him back. I then expect that he will initiate the emailing. Is this a fair assumption? I don't understand why men bother to send a kiss if they have no intention of starting an email conversation. I'm getting so fed up with it that I'm considering taking my profile down. I don't see the point. Can someone tell me why it all stops after the first kiss?

Posted by: at July 28, 2007 4:00 PM

Have posted this on another blog, but what is the etiquette. Received a kiss, checked the profile, some things didn't match but some did. I don't have a photo on mine bu thought, we'll he has seen the profile and likes what he reads, his photo, plump bald and swathy, but I thought he thinks it might be worth a go, you never know until you chat! Sent him a kiss back and got a kiss back wanting a photo. Hmm. Do I write him off, have no camera, can't download a photo truly beleive beauty is inner (thus my kiss back) No tick box for email me without my photo. Gosh i'm new to all this, seems like maybe its as much of a meat market as the local pub!!! Beleive in manners too, give everyone a go, friends can be made if not partners!

Hopingforthe best

Posted by: at July 28, 2007 12:16 AM

Wish RSVP would just get on and DO something about the issues in this blog topic.

Just kissed a member and got the "you don't fit my profile" response inside a minute later (was flicking the homepage, as you do). *Sigh* must...not...lose...faith. Maybe they should remove that option, it's too open to interpretation.

Posted by: AM1972 at July 24, 2007 5:33 PM

I originally thought replying to kisses and emails is politeness too, that was until i replied to a kiss ("thanks, but no thanks") and immediately got an abuse email from a guy. Good intentions doesn't seem to get you anywhere on this site. So it may be better not to reply if you are not interested and it can save you from some abuse.

Posted by: at July 24, 2007 5:07 PM

hi all,
new to this and first time reader of this blog. i found it all interesting and have thought, on my profile i am going to write... if a kiss is given/received and you/i am not interested please no offence is to be taken on either part if no response is given. How about something like that? (heading to change mine now:-) Feedback positive or negative is welcome. No offense will be taken, grins.

Posted by: athousandwords at July 22, 2007 10:36 AM

I agree after only being on this site for 5 days, many of my kisses and emails have gone unanswered. Even if your not interested it better to say than just leave the person hanging in mid air. Karma will come around!!!

Posted by: LightingStrike at July 21, 2007 10:19 PM

I love the ones that send a reply back waiting for your email - you send and email off the then reply- currenhave just met someone- WOW a lot happens in 40mins.
There is no excuse for not replying with the Auto - reply we are all adults some think the grass is greener on the other side but hey we are all in the same situation either come from a broken marriage or divorce and we are no all perfect as the ones looking on the greenier pasture think they are. To the ones in the 50's have a look at your selfs mate 50+ plus not 20

Posted by: at July 21, 2007 2:13 PM

I was browsing the blogs and found this topic and felt strongly about this and is the most frustrating aspect. You buy stamps, send a kiss, get a reply back, saying they are looking forward to your email soon. So you send a email and you never here from the guy again. Why did he reply with that message in the first place I ask myself again and again. Or you start emailing and then silence? If guys & I no doubt ladies do the same, are not interested why give false messages. I would like to know if someone does not want to respond any further. More out of politness, no we do not like rejection, but it is better than rudness.

Posted by: dknycity at July 20, 2007 10:26 PM

I totally agree with what most are saying. I often get kisses / emails from men who simply havent read my profile....Im pretty clear about my age brackets and yet men way under 20 and way over 40 bother sending me messages....do they think im simply going to change my mind after Ive seen what they look like? RSVP gives us the opportunity to be a little more fussy and ask for exactley what we want from a partner...I find when people are sending kisses / emails not what I asked for - are actually wasting me time

Posted by: han123 at July 20, 2007 11:31 AM

Hi Axmurderer1,
perhaps the reason people don't fill in too many personal particular details is because they are afraid of axe murderers :)

Posted by: Riversong1 at July 19, 2007 10:46 PM

Forget being annoyed/upset or whatever you feel when you do not get a reply to kisses! The best ever is when someone sends you a kiss to say that "they would really like to get to know you better" blah blah and you send them your photo password and you NEVER hear back from them. Trust me I am a very attractive girl, wiht a great profile and who unfortunately happens to be unphotgenic and shy around a camera!!! it;s not like I have 5 heads in the my photo!! Whatever happened to "getting to know me better" P/s Photos can be VERY misleading. Don't jude a book by it's cover or at least get a backbone and some manners and learn to deal with confrontation or the unexpected. Not too wory cos if you can't even do that we wouldn't have worked anyway!! I am going to generalise and say that the majority of the men on this site are so superficial and dishonest. Oh and don't even get me started on those men who I have dated and hide their current profile whilst creating a different one with their photo hidden whist still being with you. Gotta love that honesty!! NOT RECEIVING REPLIES TO KISSES IS THE LEAST OF YOUR WORRIES WHEN USING THIS SITE! GOOD LUCK! May you meet your perfect match.

Posted by: nabasha at July 19, 2007 9:54 PM

I've just joined up in the last couple of days and was a bit excited to have a response straight away without my photo being posted. Imagine my surprise (not!) when my photo does become available and the person gets the password only to vanish off the face of the earth. You think I will give this a go and be truthfull and it still is not enough.

Posted by: scrappygirl76 at July 19, 2007 7:12 PM

Riversong1,

He went to Oxford and Harvard. He earns at least a 7 figure sum a year, has lots of friends and contacts, and is highly respected in his profession. I have never heard a bad word about him from his ex-girlfriends.

Lilyofthevalley

Posted by: at July 19, 2007 5:00 PM

I find it a bit rude when people dont reply no matter what the contact is. If you send and receive kisses or emails, a reponse either way is the polite thing.

Its just unfair when honest people who are actually doing the right thing use up their stamps only to never hear another thing back from that person.

I think RSVP needs a way to monitor this and perhaps if emails arent responded to in their 30 day period, maybe the stamps should be re-credited to the sender in orderto be able to re-use them for thier search...

Posted by: busydad84 at July 19, 2007 11:26 AM

is any man really intersted in a commitment on this site or is it just another way of saying that to get them into bed?

Posted by: menreallysuck at July 18, 2007 6:48 PM

Why do some guys think it should be the ladies who buy he stamps. I'm happy to buy stamps when the occasion arises. But to have men repeatedly send kisses in the hope that the lady will pay for a stamp to contact is just cheapskate. Then what about the ones you meet for a coffee, then refuse to reply to either phone calls or emails, some polite reply via email if not interested would be an honest way to go. We are all here for the same reason, wanting someone to share our life with, some honesty would be good.

Posted by: loveinthesun at July 18, 2007 3:43 PM

Nice idea Iaan2612

Some women have great profiles and it would be nice to be able to tell them so even if you personally have no interest in meeting them. I know I would love to get nice comments like that.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 18, 2007 1:49 PM

Firstly, like seemingly all internet dating sites, the prices on RSVP are ridiculously high. For someone who has had very little interest from females so far, I sure as hell won't be spending such exhorbitant prices on stamps. This site is a rip-off! Surely, RSVP would have more people become paying members if THEY LOWERED THEIR PRICES.

Secondly, I am sick and tired of reading so many superficial bios. So many people seem reluctant to tell anything much about themselves or they fill their bios with boring cliches like "I like to laugh and have a good time" or "family and friends are important to me". HELLOOOOOOO! We all like to laugh and have a good time and family and friends are important to all of us. A little effort and imagination put into bios puh-lease!

Posted by: AxeMurderer1 at July 18, 2007 8:39 AM

Wishingandhoping, I came to a similar conclusion: no reply = weak/gutless/rude = not worth bothering about, cross off.

Not sure which school your "highly educated man" went to, LillyoftheValley, but the manners they taught there were quite different to the ones they taught the rest of us!

Mykindascene - ever thought of password protecting your pic? You'd certainly get less response, but at least you'd know the ones you DID get, didn't just like your photo (and at least could read!)

laan2612, yes, agree, there IS a heart at the other end, so kinder not to string it along for days waiting for a no response :)

HEY, RSVP MODERATORS: Perhaps it would be easier for people to reply if the responses were kinder: "Thank you for your kiss, you seem like a lovely person, but for whatever reason, not quite the one I'm looking for. Good luck and all the best wishes with your search to find someone more compatible." A bit long, I guess, but that's what I meant when I sent my "thanks, but no thanks" responses.

Posted by: Riversong1 at July 18, 2007 12:25 AM

I have also found the number of non-repliers has increased lately. And, just quietly, the number of "what the...?!?" experiences I've had has increased!!!! Hmmm, such strange people out there! I think the cost and expiring of the stamps is appalling and a rort!!!

I have experienced repliers and non-repliers through RSVP and I've had contact with a couple of decent guys and plenty of not so decent ones. Which is no different to all the other ways I meet guys/people. Life is just like that, you know, there are some great people out there and some, lets put it nicely, not so great people. But a few of the above entries have got it right. Coming across people in life that are rude, ignorant, impolite, ungrateful, abusive etc etc is always gonna happen, you can't control other people and how they behave but you can control your own behaviour and choose whether their rudeness/rejection or whatever affects you. I teach my kids that it doesn't matter what someone else's opinion of them is because it doesn't change the truth about who they are. And they are great kids!! Don't allow someone elses behaviour/attitude to affect your self-esteem...that should be based on who YOU are and is nothing to do with anyone else.

I'm not on this site to play games, or to get in the top 100 (don't even know the criteria for it), or to seek revenge on as many males as possible for a bad relationship in the past, I use RSVP as another avenue to meeting guys. I reply to every kiss I receive, but that is my personal choice.

And lastly, as they say in the "kiss reply" section...."she wishes you well in your search"! ;-)

Posted by: missindependant2 at July 17, 2007 1:43 AM

I don't agree with the comments from Lilyofthevalley and Moconna.

Education level doesn't come into it when you are taking about responding to kisses or emails. Is really is pure politeness.

I have noticed that recently there has been a few no replies. One of the problems with society is that there seems to be a lack of care shown to anyone who is a stanger. I make a point of occassionally doing something nice for somebody I don't know for nothing in return - just to see a smile on their face.

Posted by: adventuresperthguy at July 16, 2007 11:45 PM

SIGH

RSVP should make the "desired partner" a filter through which kisses can be authorized.

In other words, a 49 year old guy should not be allowed to "kiss" a woman who lists 30-35 as her desired age range.

This would eliminate a lot of the silly kisses that make it impossible for some people (generally women ) to respond.

Frankly, I don't want a kiss response "no". Generally, I will get "no's" from people who clearly haven't even bothered to read my profile and given the response rate (low), and the number of kisses I can send a day, I'd rather not get a bunch of rejection emails.

What is exceptionally annoying is paying to email somebody (who either may have set the system to refuse kisses or who I feel enough in common with to gamble on the expense) and either get the crappy auto-ticked-box rejection or even worse.

I had one woman block me. BLOCK ME! after sending her a standard nice email saying hello.

I know the drill (forget the rejections and move one) but the lack of any sort of class on this site is absolutly dis-heartening some days.

I can't imagine buying more stamps once these expire.

Posted by: thatguyalex at July 16, 2007 3:40 PM

I've been reading with interest, as I do all the blogs, and thought I share my opinion.

Yes, it is very rude not to reply to an email (except if they're unsolicited), but the kisses I'm not so sure about.

I am always aware that there is a heart on the receiving end of my replies, so I often agonise over what my reply should be. On the other hand, I don't mind not receiving replies to my kisses. It's still an answer of sorts, however occasionally, if the profile really stands out, I'll send another kiss a couple of months later, and have found that the second time around I often do receive a positive reply.

Re the automatic responses, yes, as with other rsvpers, I'd like a message that says something in the order of "You sound like a great person and I appreciate your kiss, but I don't think we would be compatible. Good luck with your search."

I'd also like a kiss out option that says something like "Please don't reply to this kiss. I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed reading your profile. It was very entertaining and I wanted to thank you for making me smile. Good luck in your search"

PS hello to you wonderfully interesting bloggers, male and female. Best of luck to you all.

Posted by: laan2612 at July 15, 2007 11:19 PM

To anonymous July10 and Lily of the valley July14
I would point out that this is personal that is business. I would also be questioning that advice in the business world because it is never good to ignore anyone if you wish to remain successful.
Unless of course the examples you both talk about regarding "silence means no" is when those annoying potential customers just refuse to answer the door and the phone......

Posted by: misswynter at July 15, 2007 5:01 PM

In regards to the pricing/stamps structure, as they say in gambling circles...'the house always wins....'

Regarding profiles, common interests, etc....I still firmly believe every single person on here sees with their eyes, not with their heart.

I mean, how do you respond to someone who sends you a kiss with the message 'thinks you have a great photo....'??

Posted by: MyKindaScene at July 15, 2007 3:30 PM

I have no issue with people not responding to kisses..This is just another way of people letting you know that they are not interested.

What is extremely rude, disappointing & inconsiderate is when you have initiated contact, or someone has expressed their interest in you by virtue of an RSVP kiss; when you respond to this kiss by sending this person an email & they do not reply to your email. To say the least the cost of RSVP stamps are at a premium!!! I think RSVP should have some type of a rebate protocol where they credit you a stamp in these types of circumstance. Obviously, there has to be a set of protocols & guidlines for implementing such a system Eg. No Offensive emails to another RSVP member. I believe this would be a much more fair & equitable exercise.

Posted by: Moconna at July 15, 2007 12:18 PM

A highly educated and experienced man in a prestigeous job once told me that silence = educated and polite "no".

So one suggestion may be that a person's understanding of the meaning of silence and knowing when to move on depends on the person's level of education and their experience in society.

Lilyofthevalley (not my RSVP name)

Posted by: at July 14, 2007 8:07 PM

No reply=no interest=no problem=no idea what they have missed out on.

Forget them fast. Not worth taking up your headspace.

Posted by: Wishingandhoping at July 14, 2007 10:27 AM

To all those wankas who send me a kiss then wait to see if I am a desperate bitch and email them....like crap.
Ladies stop spending money on making the first move on men when they are the ones who are out there to see what they can get out of us without using any of their emotions.

Posted by: name-not telling at July 13, 2007 8:16 PM

Re my recent blog....it got the better of me, I did reply to the kiss!!!

Posted by: junebaby57 at July 13, 2007 7:39 PM

I also think it is important to respond, be polite and use your manners. But are you supposed to reply to a kiss that has come with no message, is from out of my area and out of my profile range, when I have a clear profile on the region I am in???

Doesn't the sender fall into the category of "I wonder if they read my profile" ??? Just wondering!

I do respond to kisses that come with a message, are in the profile range and I always respond to emails.....good or bad, as someone has taken the effort.

Posted by: junebaby57 at July 13, 2007 7:30 PM

After you send a kiss you should get a notice to tell you the possible likely hood of a reply
Something like:
This member replies:
ALWAYS (as it suggests)
OFTEN (greater than 50% chance of them replying)
SOMETIMES (less than 50% chance of them replying)
That way at least you have some idea of your chance of getting a reply.

Posted by: at July 13, 2007 5:01 PM

Having said that, I also believe everyone has their own path to follow and for whatever reasons individuals choose not to reply, in the end, it's really entirely their privilege. They may well be simply being true to who they are in that moment, which is never a reflection on their worth as a human being. That remains invaluable and constant, irrespective of their behaviour.

Posted by: RevealMeMore at July 13, 2007 1:24 PM

I like this member feedback stuff. I agree with Di (22May) - i.e. the safety issue - and Christina (23may) - i.e. people's behaviour is a reflection of their own self-worth and self-respect, or lack of both - so, for me, their lack of response to kisses/emails tells you about the true state of their self-value, irrespective of how their profile reads.
And wouldn't the world be a better place if everyone "Out There" behaved EXACTLY as we would like - but it AIN'T going to happen! It's a VERY difficult thing to do, but I try to self-reflect to remember a time when I've behaved poorly or in the same way as the person I'm criticising. Sometimes that helps.
As a new member, I am pleased to say that I have had very courteous responses so far, and have responded in the most honest way I could, given the choices available on auto-response.
And...F.Y.I. to the non-repliers - The term R.S.V.P. comes from the French expression "r�pondez s'il vous pla�t", meaning "please respond".
Which is �LSO the name of this organisation. Perhaps we could strive to honour that???, if not simply learn the value of common courtesy.
I'm getting off my high horse now!

Posted by: RevealMeMore at July 13, 2007 11:13 AM

I am a tradesman. It's interesting you think being a tradesman doesn't generate much interest. Us tradies work hard and make good money when committed. If that's unattractive, this country is turning more metrosexual than I thought!

As for replying to kisses, my opinion is that nobody should be forced to reply to a kiss as it is a free country. However, it is quite rude not to.

Posted by: kingskid80 at July 11, 2007 11:01 PM

Brendan
I would reply to you I prefer tradies, farmers & traditional blue collar workers especially if they have a brain to boot. What more could you need besides a man who knows how to use his hands as well as his head.... Good luck 2 U. WaggaCountryGirl

Posted by: WaggaCountryGirl at July 11, 2007 8:23 PM

As a Canadian, I was pretty shocked at how weak the options are in Australia.

The stamp expiry (ridiculous). cost (insane), response options (I have seen a few people question the "you don't match my profile" and then looked and can't figure it out - I get that ALL the time and 95% of the time I am within every single one of their desired categories), RSvip (where do I start) and the seemingly endless number of posts by people who have "been on here for years" leads me to wonder if RSVP needs to look at what some of the big sites do well and why they work a lot better than this one.

Posted by: thatguyalex at July 11, 2007 8:08 PM

Only been in this for a very short time but one could easily become disillusioned. seems if you are a non professional eg. a tradesman or double whammy a smoker its tough out there & the usual gutless people who can't reply to a kiss fullstop or give an honest answer. any other tradies thoughts

Posted by: brendan at July 11, 2007 6:53 PM

Dear anonymous July10

I think the reason why it is nice to get replies is so you know when to move on. Lack of replies, combined with the fact that our stamps have a limited life means you never know how many kisses to send out at a time. I remember I had a time when no one replied for ages, then everyone replied at the same time and it was very confusing. If people reply promptly that they are not interested, I am not offended, I just know it is time to try someone else.

Posted by: woodnwine at July 11, 2007 8:23 AM

Have to say I really dont care if I get a kiss reply. I wait a few days and if there is no response I move on.
What I hate is if I have spent the money for a stamp and they have asked for me to email them and they dont respond to that.....That is just wasting my money.
But I guess Im getting used to that. Been on here for about 4 years. Being a full time dad of 6 kids...No one really wants to know me lmao

Posted by: somethingwonderful at July 10, 2007 10:55 PM

I recently joined RSVP and have now noticed these blogs. They are a great read but I don't understand what is the big fuss about people not replying. I work in public relations and from my job training, I understand that silence means "No". It couldn't be a "Yes" as in that case they will come running after us wouldn't they?

I was also trained to understand that silence is also a polite way of saying "No", why do you insist on the receipient expressly telling you that they don;t consider you good enough for him or her. Dones it really feel that good?

Posted by: at July 10, 2007 9:40 PM

If a person buys or sells something on ebay they are required to fill in a feedback form. The reminder of jobs to do such as give feedback comes up whenever you log on.
Maybe a "You have kisses/emails to reply to" reminder should happen whenever a person logs on here.

Posted by: activities please at July 10, 2007 9:01 PM

It would be easier to send a truthfull reply if RSVP had a fuller reply menu such as "I don't think I fit your ideal partner" instead of "you don't fit mine"

Posted by: RockToRollsc at July 10, 2007 4:24 PM

Having had a profile on this site for a number of years, I know there is a lot of "smoke and mirrors" to negotiate. People have their own issues to deal with. If they don't respond to a kiss, it is their problem. There is no point even giving the situation a second thought as more often than not, they will be dealing with the issues of another relationship, and if it is the situation, I do not want to get involved. In addition, we all respond in our own time frames and do not necessarily react according to someone else’s expectations.

I have met some of my best friends through this site, none of whom I would have picked on their profile or photo (my luck). One response came three months later because the person was simply away. He ended up being a dear friend and still is today, a few years on. (Nobody got upset about the initial lack of manners!). Because of this, I will always meet with someone once the contact and request has been made, however, I get very annoyed when people do not bother to read my profile, send a kiss and then expect a polite response – politeness works both ways.

Posted by: yourgirl58 at July 10, 2007 12:42 AM

People who aren't polite enough to respond to kisses or emails? Understanding a little more why they are still single!!

Posted by: thatgirlfrom rsvp at July 9, 2007 8:41 PM

I agree with the others who've suggested a rating system - where if someone doesn't reply to a kiss they are given a mark against their username to show others that this person isn't responsible or adult enough (they of course would be able to get the mark removed if they provided RSVP with a reasonable explanation). I personally think its time RSVP listened to the users and took some positive action. I understand people will simply take another profile and redo it but it may work in the long term if given careful consideration. I also think you could collect a lot of gold "hearts" (or something similar) if you have responded to all kisses and all e-mails. Its a way of deterring people from taking new profiles (sort of like the ebay feedback thing). This would be helpful to users by giving an indication that this person is a responsible and responsive member.
Its a great idea and I sincerely hope that RSVP considers it seriously. I am also extremely upset and confounded as to the lack of responses...why on earth do people bother to kiss you if they have no real intention of following through? Out of over 200 kisses I have only had 2 e-mails after responding positively to a kiss.

Posted by: Dissapointedwithexperience at July 9, 2007 8:00 PM

It is the height of rudeness not to reply. I can take the brush off - a thanks but no thanks wont send me into a tailspin, but i find it infuriating to respond with an email which they have requested you do, only to hear NOTHING!! The best one was the guy who said i will catch you for coffee in the week leading up to Easter, well surprise surprise im still waiting for the call Mr!!!

Posted by: seachangems at July 9, 2007 6:31 PM

Its great to get an email and I am about par with the number received and the number I've sent. But what do you make of someone who send you a kiss,to which I replied positively then he sent me another kiss saying he was buying stamps to send me an email. Hope you are not waiting till next pay day! If you read these blogs why don't you "Talktome" and explain your timeframe.
Am curious to the male line of thought.

Posted by: blueeyes1955 at July 9, 2007 5:07 PM

I say yes in my experience the number of non-replies has increased greatly over the last couple of months.

We don't need this type of member!

Posted by: likefinewine at July 9, 2007 10:31 AM

I have read most of what is on here and I'm amazed I have found people to have thoughts similar to me in relation to complaints. I recently requested an explanation as to why stamps have to have an expiry date. The answer basically is that this is the way RSVP wish to run their business. I agree with others too that there seems to be a lack of either compassion or politeness when it comes to replying. On a dating site as this one, one problem is that people fall into the trap of thinking that there is always someone "better" because of the number of members on the database. This is only human nature. On a positive, using RSVP can be cheaper to meet people than say, those dinner for six things as long as RSVP does away with the stamp expiry.

Posted by: Fairwayman at July 7, 2007 7:51 PM

What about a replies pending number on the profile so people thinking of sending kisses or emails know that someone with lots of outstanding replies is either busy or not responding? If peole want more contacts they'll be encouraged to answer everyone.

Posted by: qualitypartner at July 5, 2007 6:07 PM

I find women who ignore kisses and emails sent to them are the most rudest around. They suck men in just to have men waste money and get NOTHING in return which is so unfair.

All users should be forced to answer all kisses and emails..

RSVP has a system that currently wastes alot of people money for what gain?

Im VERY loathe tro buy any more stamps until the system is overhauled and RSVP makes all stamps sent and kisses not able to be removed until they are ansewered properly by the receivers.

Unhappyuser

Posted by: Manfredman at July 4, 2007 9:44 PM

Why not implement a rating system. If a person has requested an email and the other person obliges and receives no response then that should be seen as a negative comment similar to Ebay. Unfortunately there are people who just play games. Make people accountable!

Posted by: mikeyyyy at July 4, 2007 7:56 PM

Do people realize that you can purchase 3 stamps that last a month through the 1900 number. It's not made as obvious as the credit card purchases but is down the bottom of the same page. It works out a bit more expensive but not as expensive as having half your stamps expire unused.

Posted by: at July 4, 2007 9:39 AM

I agree with all the above. But basically, RSVP is a numbers game. Sooner or later you will find someone that you click with. At least that's what a girlfriend told me when I was raving incoherently about the slightly (or more than slightly) damaged individuals I seemed to be attracting!

And can I add something about the e-mails? Sometimes a photo can be appealing, but when the person writes to you, it's just a total disaster. Still not a reason not to respond, but maybe an explanation.

I hate the "just responded to someone else ... " as well. I would much rather have a healthy "thanks but no thanks". Even worse is "you don't match my ideal profile", then you check it (out of morbid curiosity) and can't find where you don't match! Totally bewildering.

I'll just keep hanging in there and hopefully someone normal will find me.

:o)

Posted by: JeRevien at July 3, 2007 10:25 PM

I've read almost all these blogs and even though I aggree that it is rude not to reply, I have been guilty of it lately, I've been on the system on and off for a few years now, and, sometimes there is no appropriate reply, one that really says "your nice but I dont think we would really hit it off" and othertimes which is mostly why I dont reply is because i really believe people just don't read profiles.... i get sooo mad, and rather than saying so, i just leave it...perhaps there is nothing to say! Good luck to everyone

Posted by: sabscales at July 3, 2007 6:53 PM

I have to agree with most comments here. There are a 'few' decent people out there that do bother to reply. i think the flaw with the system is that you cannot purchase just one stamp. I purchsed 6 a short time ago and was talking to a very nice person (turned out to be not so true) and now i am getting emails saying the remaining ones are going to expire. Well that was a great $50 email wasnt it? I think rsvp should bring in a buy as you need email system. Who cares if they are a little more expensive. Atleast you arent paying and then not using them.

Posted by: callmereese at July 3, 2007 12:25 PM

I agree, do not take it personally. The person at the other end of the lne DOES NOT know you.

If they reject you it is not you, it's what they think you are.

Look at it in a positive light- they were not the one for you. No reply weeds out the ones you don't want to meet. Don't be bitter and hold onto it. Let it go immediately and move on quickly.

Reading the other blogs, and