RSVP Blog
Dating through the ages
Is there a greater appeal of the younger man for the mature woman? Guys, how young is too young and how old is 'older'?
Demi Moore and Madonna favour the youngsters. Donald Trump and Michael Douglas seem thrilled with their efforts to snag a gorgeous and much younger wife.
Today's dating scene has fewer taboos than ever before and a greater social acceptance in our society where almost 'anything' goes.
We want to hear your thoughts on whether age matters !
Posted by May 30, 2007 12:09 PM
Latest Comments
I'm still waiting to be contacted by younger women so I can comment with some authority about dating through the ages. The youngest woman I have dated has been about 8 years younger than me and that age difference caused no problems at all.
Posted by: woodnwine at November 26, 2007 9:17 AM
ornamentalonly, life is what you make of it. It is too short to wallow around in loneliness, hearbreak and apathy.
Posted by: jpkool at November 25, 2007 8:56 PM
Personally, I find the posting by notgodsgift at November 21, 2007 10:10 AM, to be quite humorous.
It's just like the good old Aussi style of having a laugh at oneself first as well as sometimes, not taking a subject too seriously.
However, it still doesn't stop there being a valid point amongst it all, despite any self-effacement or wry humour.
Posted by: ornamentalonly at November 25, 2007 11:48 AM
ninaschen: We Brisso's may still be recovering from the night before....
Posted by: hiddencharms at November 24, 2007 3:02 PM
ninaschen: If you ever feel the need for (b)witch lessons, get in touch...I'm told I can be quite good...
Posted by: hiddencharms at November 24, 2007 3:01 PM
Very true, HiddenCharms. It is amazing how uplifting it has been for me to meet the bunch of bloggers that I did, at the Melbourne lunch the other month. We have formed great friendships, communicate frequently, offer each other sage advice (I have asked them to give me bitch lessons – I can feel the inner-bitch emerging as I write!) and keep each other buoyed. Their senses of humour are wicked. Sometimes I laugh so much I ache! I feel so much less isolated now and barely wallow at all, these days. Pity you are so far away, it would be great if you could come to lunch with us all on the 1st December (that was also a little reminder to anyone else who wants to come - email me and I will give you the venue details).
Posted by: ninaschen at November 24, 2007 2:32 PM
notgodsgift: I agree with decoratress. No-one wants to wallow around in loneliness, heartbreak and apathy. Sure, have a whinge, vent, get it off youff your chest, share it with others...then move on...someone may have something to say that helps you...or just letting it out can help overcome some of that loneliness and bitterness you may be feeling...
Most of the time I find the blogs a lively place to tune into...being able to chat with others overcomes ome of that "aloneness" (not despair or desperation)...and many bloggers have made great penpals and personal friendships through the blogs. You know - like minds and interests, company, conversation etc, that fill up your life instead of wallowing around being worried about being single and lonely and apathetic...
Posted by: hiddencharms at November 24, 2007 12:24 PM
I think advice is usually only heard when it is asked for, because we ask someone we think will have a useful answer and so we pay attention to what they say. I think notgodsgift might be referring to the general handing-out of advice to specific bloggers who haven't asked for it....comments like for example, "HELLO, waterbomber, I see you are a social reject and a manhater and politically correct and need an anger management course and OF COURSE, YOU IDIOT those are the reasons you are still single; if only you replied to all your kisses you wouldn't be in this sorry state..."
Thats the unsolicited advice I just got on the Rating blog (no, I'm not having a go at you, woodnwine). It's presumptuous, it's innaccurate, and it's an ego trip for the advice giver.
On the other hand, when advice is asked for, the people on these blogs respond with some very thoughtful, helpful ideas...as you do, decoratress and woodnwine. It's quite touching sometimes. There are a lot of really genuine, decent people on the blogs, and on the website who don't offer advice unless it's asked for. I think the people who keep offering unwanted advice probably do fall into one of notgodsgift's 6 categories.
Posted by: waterbombe at November 23, 2007 2:00 PM
decoratress - I can definitely relate to what you are saying and enjoy asking fellow bloggers either on the blogs or elsewhere for their advice and opinions. Sometimes I get attacked a little for what I say but hey, that is a learning experience too. I am open to advice, ideas, criticism - anything if it helps me grow as a person and maybe helps me find the right person to spend time with. OK, I admit I don't actually like abuse though.
Have agood weekend everyone.
Posted by: woodnwine at November 23, 2007 10:18 AM
notgodsgift...
Personally, I think our opinions on dating & relationships are no less valid than our opinions on loneliness, heartbreak & plain old apathy...
Most of us have experienced all of them & some of us have learnt from past mistakes.
I've spent 3months on rsvp & have now taken my profile down because I'm seeing a fellow blogger. I don't view myself as deficient in dating or relationship skills.
I'm happy to offer anything I've learnt to others, & have in turn learnt much from others' comments here.
I'm an extremely happy person...
I'd have no interest in blogs full of morbid discussions about loneliness, heartbreak or apathy...
How depressing
How negative
I suggest if you want to wallow, perhaps start your own blogsite devoted entirely to misery... there'll be many who'll be drawn to it. Plenty of Victims out there wanting to dwell on the details of their martyrdom.
hahahaha
not me though!!!
"Don't worry, be happy"
(Meher Baba 1894-1969)
decoratress
Posted by: decoratress at November 22, 2007 11:14 PM
Hi All,
I have been thinking about this and have to say; getting advice on dating from RSVP members.....are you insane???
Think about it, we (and I include myself here) dont meet people because we fall into different groups;
1. We dont go to pubs, clubs etc
2. We have been in long term relationships, or long time single, or just couldn't be bothered in the past
3. We have not had time to get into relationships because of careers etc
4. We are sociopaths or psychopaths
5. We have no real people skills
6. We spend our life in front of a computer screen blogging
Probably so much more, but I guess you get the drift. But getting advice from us about dating and relationships.......you really have to be joking!!!
ED,
Cancel aall blogs about getting dating and relationship advice and stick to topics that we might understand, like loneliness, heartbreak and plain old apathy!!
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at November 21, 2007 10:10 AM
Decoratress _ i'm with you 100%. People don't have to have multiple fake profiles to be funny. Ultimately we are all anonymous until we decide to contact someone we like and then we become friends. Do these fake people have any friends? Maybe they have fake friends?
Posted by: woodnwine at November 21, 2007 9:53 AM
It would be nice to find someone to date! 'sigh'
I agree with junebaby57. there are a lot of guys out there who only want sex and expect it straight away after meeting.
Maybe that should be put on their profile then I would not be wasting my time and stamps.
I made one of many suggestions for a blog topic (which I think went to cyberspace with all the others) and it was about "chemistry". What is it, how do you define it and do you really have to feel it?
Posted by: mushie6 at November 21, 2007 7:17 AM
Now this is interesting....
A few hours ago I posted a comment here- responding to onlinedatingguru at Nov20, & remarking on the use of 'personas' on these blogs.
It appeared on the page, but when I came back to it later, it had been removed.
There was nothing offensive in it, so to reiterate:
I don't fall for personas, or anything else unreal....
Why would anyone?
Someone admitting to using different blog names & personas tells me that:
1) they're deceptive
2) they're not really interested in meeting a partner, just playing games
3) they've too much time on their hands
What IS it that makes people want to confuse the blog topic with their personality machinations?
WHY do these people feel the need to switch between names & profiles.... anonymity? And we're not anonymous enough here already? Is Decoratress my real name?
Well.. Duh! ..I don't think so!!!
Jane Doe
Posted by: decoratress at November 21, 2007 3:20 AM
busy, yep, its hard work, looking for the one!!
Actually this started in Feb, when I joined this site and lavalife. And along the way, I worked out that I get lots of contact and dates because of the smile and boobs, a lot of the guys really only want sex. Some are stuck on the early 80's style of soft porn, ( aka Electric blue) and want it in real life!!! It has been a real education.
But not all, as I said I have met some true friends, male and female, and I am seeing a lovely guy at the moment.( who loves the benefits of the education I have rec'd this year, whoever said that you are never to old to learn, had it in a nutshell!!!)
Have a gr8 day, am out sitting in the sun, hoping it helps clear up this rotten chest infection I have....jewels
Posted by: junebaby57 at November 20, 2007 9:51 AM
woodnwine, my rsvp experience at present definitely does not include dating. Reading and posting on blogs is very enjoyable, {except when mini wars break out between bloggers} Have been out on a few"dates" and some good some not so good.Met some great guys but the chemistry thing is the hard part to find,Decoratress sums it up pretty well.
Posted by: dolphin46 at November 20, 2007 9:47 AM
hahaha...
DATING isn't the problem- it's finding someone one WANTS to date that's tricky..
Miracles can happen- they are rare, but definitely worth waiting for.
love&miraculously.. dating
decoratress
Posted by: decoratress at November 20, 2007 4:52 AM
Hey Woodnwine, dating is not the problem, it is being or moving into a relationship that is the problem. I have had lots of dates, but they haven't worked out. The spark not being there is the main reason for me! Some guys are not what they say on thier profiles. Some guys would make great friends, but I have many friends, and I have made 2 close friends from the dating website, but the real reason I am here is to find 'the one'.
I have tried the friends with benefits, he is a lovely guy, but recently he has called twice and I postponed the FWB date twice. I have lost interest in it.
I have played with toy boys and dated younger men. The toy boys only want sex, that OK for one time, but then I loose interest, I want the chatting and companionship as well, my toy boy doesn't want the same things. (he was 31). I am now not responding to his MSN's.
Dating youger men, have been out with a few, 39 year old, 41, 42 and 45 year old guys. They also want the sex, and if they don't already have kids, they still want them. So I can't work out why they sent me the kisses and emails!. My profile is honest about my age and looks. The 39 year old is now telling me he would like to see me regularly now, as I told him I have started to see someone else. But I don't think that he is serious!.
And now I am seeing someone close to my own age, he has kids, he is easygoing and fun to be with. Pretty sane and normal really. I don't know how it will work out, only time will tell, so taking babysteps.
Hope that helps answer your question....jewels
Posted by: junebaby57 at November 19, 2007 4:07 PM
Is anyone out there dating?
Posted by: woodnwine at November 19, 2007 12:18 PM
Is anyone out there dating older or younger now?
Don't know about taboos but there are definitely objections.
Posted by: lorainer at November 15, 2007 7:49 PM
Hi the fotographer.. back in Oct you posted a brain teaser
"How many words in the English language end in 'mt'
Name a word in the English language that rhymes with orange, silver or purple
What are the two words in the English language that contain all 5 vowels
What is the longest word that can be typed on any one row of a typewriter"
Do you have the answers for them please, please please.. I will be forever in your debt!!
Tar muchly from
the mushroom
Posted by: mushie6 at November 14, 2007 5:07 PM
istj54 - thanks for the advice, I suspected as much. Pity I can't find a younger woman then, maybe I'm looking in all the wrong places. Lordhippie - where do I find them? If anyone would know, it surely must be you (and BTW I don't mind a bit of underarm hair if it's all in a good cause)
Posted by: woodnwine at November 13, 2007 9:14 AM
I know where Chris Lilley gets all his material now.
Posted by: istj54 at November 13, 2007 7:52 AM
Istj54 don’t flatter yourself…you’re nothing like “thefotografer”
Posted by: brilliantblue at November 12, 2007 5:24 PM
Maninblack, thefotogafer. The man they all allude to who hails from up north.
I know because I spent the better part of the weekend reading these screeds and I do have a retentive memory, especially when the same old stories keep on coming up over and over and over.
They seem to think I am one of his alters which to me is highly flattering but untrue.
Woodnwine, I think young women are probably a whole lot more open to new things than we older biddies who don't take well to change sometimes.
Posted by: istj54 at November 12, 2007 11:20 AM
photographer - MIB is actually a phrase I coined months ago, long before itsj54 had even invented herself so technically she wouldn't know what it means.
PS - why do we need the blogs from May to still be on this page? It takes so bl**dy long to load that I am getting fed up and frankly don't have the time to keep posting as often if it is going to be such a freakin pain.
Posted by: woodnwine at November 12, 2007 11:14 AM
istj54 - you're not the woman I can't get, you're the woman I don't get. On topic, are younger women as complicated as older women? Phew!
Posted by: woodnwine at November 12, 2007 10:09 AM
Oooh, you've got a way aboutcha
That's shakin' me offa my vine
Oooh, you've got a way aboutcha
And doncha think it's way past time
Only you can put it where I want it
*and I can't getcha off.
I just can't get you
I can't getcha offa my mind
No I can't getcha off,
I just can't get you
I can't getcha offa my mind*
Oooh, you've got a sweet way of walkin'
[Can't Getcha Offa My Mind lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]
That pushes me offa my mind
Oooh, a street way of talkin'
That lets me know you're just my kind
Cause only you can put it where I need it
(*repeat)
Only you, can send me into ecstasy
When you're next to me
When I need you
You won't get me off your mind now Woodnwine. I'm the woman that you want but can't get.
Posted by: istj54 at November 12, 2007 9:23 AM
Woodnwine you are free to stop replying. Frankly I could care less. These are blogs. I was just having fun conversing, whether with myself or with others.
No one here seems to reply too much to each other anyways. You all talk over each other and just reply to favourites.
It's a bit like a mother's club here, the playground mafia where lots of teacher bashing goes on.
I've never joined in and never wanted to. I always had beds to make and books to read and a job to go to.
Posted by: istj54 at November 12, 2007 9:18 AM
istj54 - as long as we keep replying to you, I guesss you will exist (in your mind or ours). What if we stop, what then?
Posted by: woodnwine at November 12, 2007 9:03 AM
flattery will get you everywhere sugarbabe
Posted by: ageinghippie at November 12, 2007 8:43 AM
I apologise for being a bit rude and playful with you thefotografer. Won't happen again. I am about to become the serious, serial blogger and drive you all demented much like the MIB but not him.
I must say that I am very flattered that you all think that I am him/her. From what I have read he is one very clever man, as are you mrfotografer.
Posted by: istj54 at November 12, 2007 7:49 AM
Malsie & Wraecca, thanks for the wishes. Hope your day was a corker Malsie.
No wraecca, it wasn't the Maitland School Band. It was the NSW Combined Schools Symphonic Wind Orchestra. A combo from all over the state & they also were great. Very professional.
Ageinghippie, is that the Woodfor up the Blue Mountains?
istj54.... I didn't know it was only men who could admire beauty.
Posted by: snipt9876 at November 11, 2007 10:41 PM
I'm getting maudlin in the here n now, Brilliantblue. I'm not reminiscing.
I've got a photo posted and I must say yours are beautiful, very beautiful.
Maybe I am a man.
Posted by: istj54 at November 11, 2007 6:04 PM
Istj54….while your reminiscing take some time to post a photo!
Posted by: brilliantblue at November 11, 2007 5:35 PM
Cry Me a River is playing now, another possibility.
I might have to go and get a drink now. I'm getting a bit maudlin.
Posted by: istj54 at November 11, 2007 5:15 PM
I'm just listening to Only Women Bleed, might be a possibility.
Or Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman by Bryan Adams.
Posted by: istj54 at November 11, 2007 5:07 PM
Well,yes it is.
I’m changing it soon any requests /accept”shuddupa your face” ?
Posted by: thefotografer at November 11, 2007 4:12 PM
Now, see, even the decrepidhippie can't quite work out what he/she is...!!!
Posted by: hiddencharms at November 11, 2007 3:51 PM
Dear Mr Photographer
My next visit to Sydney is for the Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras. I believe there may be an extra float next year.
I am far more photogenic when buffed, oiled and lounging on a float in feathers.
Take a few piccies, ducky, then.
At der moment I am in hippie mode and it's all grunge and St Vinnies (Woodford HippieFest is 6 weeks away).
Posted by: ageinghippie at November 11, 2007 4:32 AM
Thanks for the peek. Is that you singing. Very good. Are you in a band?
Posted by: istj54 at November 10, 2007 7:15 PM
Ageinghippie and istj54
My profile is up .
Now I would like to see both your photographs..please ?
Posted by: thefotografer at November 10, 2007 7:05 PM
Ageing Hippie,
You could be right. I have been following all of her advice and I am now a "mean" cook and I laugh at everyone's jokes, even the fotografer's. I am getting counselling for all my "issues" as well as psychiatric help and buying up all those self help books. In fact, soon I will be so good I will be dating myself. Hang on. I already am.
Posted by: istj54 at November 10, 2007 7:01 PM
Fotographer
Don't even bother asking for her photo.
She's probably distantly related to slimey
Posted by: ageinghippie at November 10, 2007 6:47 PM
I've just joined up to this site. I've been on a few others and friends have told me this is the best. Time will tell I suppose.
Today I had a good read thru these blogs and I must say they are an interesting read. I haven't read everything. I do have a life too but I saw some of your blogs fotografer and tried to look at your profile and it is not there, so no look at my photo. fair is fair.
Anyway picture this. I am 54 but don't look too badly for that great age. I have longish, just past shoulder length dark brown hair and sparkling dark green hazel eyes and a smile that lights up any room. Or so I have been told many many times. I have a small nose and even features.
I am small and slimmish but have put average on my profile because it is up to the person who sees me to decide. I'm about 53 Kg but short. A tall man would say slim but maybe a shorter man would say average. There is your picture.
Posted by: istj54 at November 10, 2007 6:03 PM
Relationships should ideally be just between the two people in them. I know that is not the case but it should be. Others should respect that but of course they don’t they interfere.
Older/Younger should not ever matter if it doesn’t to you or the other person.
Trade is probably a harsh word but you have to have an exchange of things in a relationship or it would not work out for long. One partner cannot just give and give and give and never get anything back. That does not work. Even if you say you love your kids unconditionally and don’t expect anything in return you would be awfully hurt if they did not love you.
From what I have read truman’s cat you seem to be entering a relationship of some depth so enjoy it without thinking of what others may say re the age gap.
Posted by: istj54 at November 10, 2007 5:31 PM
The question of trade has reared it's head again.
Yes there is give & take within a relationship, one has strengths & weaknesses counterbalanced by the partner & visa versa.
However.
My reaction was to the suggestion that my "possible" date with an older man was based on his supposed wealth & power.
Implied was that the attraction was a "trade", my youth versus his wealth & at the end of the date I would have my hand out fully compensated by a "30 stone man who dribbles and smells of cheese."
"I hope you enjoy your date and he treats you as an older man should be treating a younger woman."
October 20, 2007 11:11 PM
Posted by: trumanscat at November 10, 2007 10:32 AM
Did the washing, shopping, bought tap washers and O-rings this morning and actually replaced most of the plumbing throughout the house this arvo. Had to belt the mains water handle to turn it off as it's a new one and use the stilson wrench on the taps in the showers as well as the bath.
The handyman fixed the front door closer while I was doing the plumbing and I got him to install a peephole at the same time.
So, Fort Nox again...ummm nope, just remembered I have it fix the security door lock on the kitchen.
Anyway, phoned my dad in hospital when I finished tonight and he sounds okay from the op he had today. He's had to wear a catheter & bag since his emergency trip to hospital a couple of weeks ago, having to get up every night to change it and will have to continue with the bag for a few more weeks but hopefully, everything will then be okay.
I'm going to visit him tomorrow and take him a bunch of flowers.
Don't know what my 71 year old, non-demonstrative dear old dad will think of that but he's getting them anyway and I reckon he'll enjoy them. :)
Posted by: ornamentalonly at November 7, 2007 10:45 PM
Thanks, OO and Ninaschen.... now I feel like the queen... (was that your line, Ninaschen? If so, apologies for plagerising!) Look forward to meeting you too....
Posted by: malsie at November 7, 2007 9:08 PM
Another happy birthday from me too, Malsie. :)
Posted by: ornamentalonly at November 7, 2007 9:04 PM
Many happies, Malsie! Looking forward to meeting you on the 1st.
Posted by: ninaschen at November 7, 2007 9:01 PM
Thanks, Wraecca - and it has been a good one, ta! :)
Posted by: malsie at November 7, 2007 8:43 PM
Malsie, happy birthday!!!
Snipt9876, happy birthday for next week. Were you accompanying the Maitland School Band that was at the Orana Mall last week? They were playing outside of Big W. If so, I heard them, they were fantastic!!!
Catch you all later.
Posted by: wraecca at November 7, 2007 6:05 PM
Snipt9876 - happy birthday for next week (it's mine today actually) - you must be a fellow Scorp!
I really enjoyed your blog contributions and thought there was a lot of sense in what you said (probably because I agreed with it all, meaning if you think like me, you must be eminently sensible naturally....) - welcome!
Posted by: malsie at November 7, 2007 5:39 PM
snipt9876...
for the sake of accuracy, I thought i'd post this very famous quote from Hamlet:
Hamlet:
And therefore as a stranger give it welcome.
There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
Hamlet Act 1, scene 5, 159–167
Posted by: funlovertoo at November 7, 2007 7:34 AM
snipt9876, let us know when it is closer to your birthday so we can send you good wishes at a more appropriate time.
I think both your photos are good. No need to substitute either one of them and if you happen to get another one in the future, just add it to the gallery.
Speaking of laughs from the gallery:
I'll try to get around to do my plumbing tomorrow snipt (does that mean you've been fixed?) and, even though I say so myself, I'm pretty good with my adjustable wrench (even though I don't like the 12" as much as my old 10" that a "tool" stole from me in the past,) stilson wrench, pliers, fibre washers (don't like the plastic ones 'cos they crack up) O-rings, body washers and plumbers tape.
But I've got this bathtub spout that's a bit twisted out of kilt as well as literally, running like a tap and I think it'll need reseating. I have a cheap reseating tool but I have been told they can do more damage than the original problem itself...
So, I'll see how I go tomorrow. No doubt I'll have at least one trip to the local hardware store to restock my plumbing supplies (I find it's better to replace all tap washers at the same time) and continue training the new counter staff in there (a bit like training doctors I find) in the art of dealing with customers -particularly ones who keep asking questions.
But I do think they enjoy it sometimes and it does stop them from getting too bored through the day.
Some in here, may even enjoy it too -if I'm kept busy enough, they won't have to read/bypass so many of my posts. ;)
Posted by: ornamentalonly at November 7, 2007 12:30 AM
DREAMT
Posted by: thefotografer at November 7, 2007 12:15 AM
Thefotografer, I nearly forgot... there are NO words in 'the English language' that end with mt.
And Wraecca, I was where you are last week with these kids. They weren't impressed with the flies. They were even less impressed when I told them that the flies hadn't even really arrived yet. Lol.
And no, I'm not a teacher or involved with the Education Dept.
Bye.
Posted by: snipt9876 at November 6, 2007 11:06 PM
Ornamentalonely, thanks for your response. Isn't this great. Again I get a good laugh. I could just picture your efforts with the door closer. Sort of like a real life slapstick British comedy. Good on you.
Thanks also for not taking the bloody turban seriously. the damn thing has caused me more grief than you could imagine. It was at a fancy dress party for heavens sake. Yet more people have taken it seriously than I could have possibly imagined. Stamps spent, caustic comments made, criticisms galore.
The truth is that at the present moment in my life i don't have any friends who are mad photo freaks so I have precious few current photos of myself.
Somehow, setting up a scenario (not to mention a camera and tripod), then pressing the button and racing madly round (hopefully) into shot and getting that 'just right' photo is not a happening thing so I will wait for someone else to take another picture that includes a bit more than my left foot.
And yes, seriously now(but only briefly serious) I agree. Caring and sharing I don't take as a trade. Nor brilliantblue is our love for our children or love for another. I was merely pointing out that technically and practically it is all a trade - yes a tacky word - of one sort or another.
Aint it great that we have the ability and compassion not to live our lives technically and practically all the time.
On a lighter note, next week it is my birthday. Until last week I didn't know what I was going to do on the day. But I had the pleasure of spending five days with a bunch of kids who were part of the NSW Combined State Schools Symphonic Wind Orchestra. They were a great bunch of kids, year 6 - 12, who have obviously put in a lot of effort to hone their skills and they were really excellent. The orchestra is sort of like a brass band (50 of the little devils) with symphony orchestra percussion.
Next week, on my birthday, they are giving their major annual concert which is also a big fund-raiser for them so I said I would travel the two and a half hours down there and see their concert. They were all genuinely thrilled that I would make the effort. They all clapped and cheered and stuff like I was someone special. It was another of those 'warm fuzzy' moments.
I'll probably stay down in Sydney somewhere, but its not something I would normally have thought that I would do, but gee I'm looking forward to it. Again, it would be better with someone to share it with, but what the heck. I make a point of enjoying myself whatever I'm doing, or wherever I am.
Wishingandhoping2, I also smile at and talk to strangers. Its amazing how so often it brightens their day. Plus I suppose, it given them something to tell the folks at home. How this complete and utter nutter to the time to chat, or to help or whatever.
Again, the warm fuzzies.
See you all when I get back. Take care and keep happy.
Hooroo.
Posted by: snipt9876 at November 6, 2007 10:37 PM
Snipt9876, thank you for your encouraging words and goodwill. One thing, though. If you were to try and visit BK and I in Bathurst, you wouldn't be able to find us. You see, we don't *actually* live in Bathurst. BK is in Brisbane, and I'm a couple of hours north-west of Bathurst, in the Western Plains area (think of a zoo with that name...). Otherwise, thanks :)
Now, as to the controversial topic of 'trade', I like OO's idea of an exchange, or a balance. Its not that I don't see your point of view, or even disagree with it. I just don't particularly like the word when it comes to relationships. But that's just me :)
Otherwise, welcome to the blogs, be entertained, make sure you read the juicy ones, and I look forward to reading more of your thoughts :D
Posted by: wraecca at November 6, 2007 10:16 PM
I am not as optmistic as the opening intro. Demi Moore may like younger men, and certainly there has been attention in America on Cougars (older women with younger men), but i still think that women dating older men is the norm.
I am in the age group of 20-25 and the experience in this age group is admittedly probably quite different from the 30-35 group for example. We have a clear pattern in this age group of women who more often than not only date men who are older. The margins may be one or two years, but the women dating older men scenario is consistent and no coincidence. I do have friends who have older partners in this age group, but i have many many more who have younger women partners.
I am not sure who is responsible. It is probably partly mens and womens choices. But certainly men who are 23 have nothing against dating women who are 26, in fact, they revel in such opportunities, see it as a recognition or testament to their masculinity. I feel it is more likely women are choosing, and i know all my female friends say they won't even consider dating a younger male.
I feel the situation is unfortunate. There is sometimes legitimacy to womens selectivity in that younger men are at different life stages, and etc. But often when their is compatability, the rule of thumb dating rule (no younger men) women use, rules out any opportunity.
I travel in fairly young successful circles. I go to a university, a good one, and am around ambitous women and men. I have increadingly grown dismayed at womens relctance to date men who are in any way perceived to be below them, however slight. Their is a pattern where men must have either age, money or a job higher than them. The problem is, this is the new generation, and women are talking of seeking their own destinies, challenging male dominance and traditional stereotypes, but we see women actively pursueing avenues to recreate those existing stereotypes (ie. male earning more, maybe doesn't look as good, but has a better job).
I know people will criticise me and cite cases of inconsistency they know of (ie. i know so and so, and they are this age, and they are like this), and yes, there are some exceptions, but they are exceptions and if you know what the reality is for university level youth in Australia, you hopefully would realise the truth in my words, however uncomfortable or confronting they may be.
And yes, i am a male, but i am also a male who sees women as equal citizens and rightful workers, and in every way equal to men. I speak from a male experience, but i am also conscious and thinking in terms of female welfare to the greatest extent possible from my male position.
Posted by: z3099888 at November 6, 2007 10:00 PM
beilliant blue, my day has thus not been wasted. I have brought a little moment of laughter to someone. Goodoh.
It is all about wants and needs isn't it? I think we humans are fairly much herd animals and though yes, you are right in saying that you are quite capable of providing everything you need. However, you wouldn't be here if you didn't think that there was something missing that you wanted.
I too can provide everything that I need, but I can't provide that special company that I want. The company that you can share the intimate (not necessarily sexual) things with, the spontaneous laughter that comes with a good relationship, to share the happy and sad times and even just a good move or show. You can take a friend but its just not the same.
Trade is probably a harsh word for much of what we do. Share is another that fits. Compromise also suits as do lots of other words. I don't take much of it too seriously as 'trade' but that was the term that was first used. Words are funny like that. Take compromise. You can do one, or be the other and in both situations the same word has a similar, yet opposite meaning.
In all things, business or personal, I try to apply two basic principles. The first is honesty. The second is that in all relationships/deals/trades etc there must be two winners. If there is only one winner, then sooner or later the whole shebang will fall over.
Enjoying each others company is one very big part of both being winners.
Take care. Got to go away with work till Friday night.
Hooroo
Posted by: snipt9876 at November 6, 2007 9:56 PM
Snipt9876...its called love for that person....doing something you don't feel like doing.
We give our children unconditional love! Where's the trade?
Posted by: brilliantblue at November 6, 2007 9:54 PM
No,I am retired,I have a registered business called Fotogenic which I have never pursued to make a profit.
I live off the earnings of a share in a company in the Newcastle area.
Posted by: thefotografer at November 6, 2007 9:48 PM
*Sigh* trade sounds so tacky.
If my idea of "balance" doesn't sit well, how about the word "exchange". It just sounds so much better than the common term trade...
For surely, some of us try to exchange different ideas through this blog?
Just an aside.
Some people in real life actually leave their "ex"es behind, "change" themselves and move onto a new life.
-What a novel idea.
Keep going snipt9876 at November 6, 2007 9:23 PM, the trade of my time in reading your posts (which I don't choose to do with some,) is rewarded so far -by your sense of humour. :)
Posted by: ornamentalonly at November 6, 2007 9:45 PM
Thefotografer, I agree to some extent. I will again be in the situation where I am my own boss. Right now it suits me otherwise. But, I take it from your previous blogs (is that the correct term?) that you are a professional shutterbug. In that case you are trading your knowledge/experience/services/time for sustenance. True, you might not be willing to haggle over price but as your own boss, that is your right. You are still trading. If you don't sell them I suppose you COULD eat them. You could even glue them together and build a house from them. But sooner or later you would still need to trade something to someone for something else, such as the glue, or more paper. But it is still a trade.
Again, I agree that without common ground a relationship would soon founder. But it would be extremely rare that any 2 people would be exactly alike at exactly the same time over everything. So you trade. You really don't want to do everything she wants all the time and vicky verka. I will do this, but next Saturday I want to do that & I'd love it if you were there etc. So you bargain and negotiate, ie. trade. Its all part of a relationship.
If you don't do this, and want it all your own way the the relationship is doomed to failure. If you do want it all your own way and aren't prepared to compromise, then what do you want (notice not need) a partner for, and what are you after on RSVP?
I thought we were all here looking for a partnership for life and a partnership means give and take OR, in other words, a trade.
The one thing I would not trade anything for if I was was you would be your sense of humour. At times it borders on the inane. Ya gotta luv that.
Hooroo.
Posted by: snipt9876 at November 6, 2007 9:23 PM
Aaaaahhh...talking of trade.
Think I'm going to give up with on my front door closer (after rescrewing it -fell out; buying stud gun, repairing it -closer wrecked it; bought a new closer, tried attaching it, had to remove previous metal stud with tin cutters (no drill at the moment) and use a phillips head screw driver to make residual hole larger -bent elbow bracket, hammered that back straight but new door closer is too long et-so-on-boring-oneproblemafteranother-cetera) and pay a trado to do it for me -dammit!
But I'm tired from health and family issues and it sure will be more practical and efficient to pay my newly found handyman, than keep wearing myself out at the moment. It will definitely be a good trade to pay someone else to do it for me.
However, I refuse to label the time I choose to spend with friends or a lover "a trade".
I'm lucky enough that I don't need to (in both cases) and it is choice as well as pride (my downfall at times) that refuses to treat my friends or a partner as such.
But like I said before, life is about balance. I do admire positive traits in other people that I do not possess as well as identifying with people who have similar experiences and subsequent outlooks to myself.
Saying that, I do agree there are definite areas in life of direct trade. Working for someone definitely qualifies.
Sitting here reading the blogs while I'm too tired to do anything else I think is a pretty good trade at times. Speaking of which, snipt9876, you made some good points in your post snipt9876 at November 6, 2007 6:59 PM and welcome to the blogs.
I also like your turban in your second profile pic and the deep red colour really suits you. :)
But there are other longterm bloggers that I read and smile with or feel for them and I sometimes respond to, that I don't count as a trade. It is caring for other human beings, albeit, through this online medium.
Posted by: ornamentalonly at November 6, 2007 9:14 PM
I had to laugh Snipt9876 at my typo when I reread it in your blog!
But have disagree with about the whole of life being a trade....yes! I work because I need to support my family and yes that is as trade, I get paid in return for work but the difference is when it comes to personal relationships I have a "choice"...I choose to enter or not....I don't trade!
Maybe some people "need" to be in a relationship and as such might find it necessary to trade.
I don't need to be in a relationship....have been on my own for long enough to realise that. Am quite capable of providing everything I need.
So no trading in my relationships it would be purely a choice of enjoying spending time together!
Posted by: brilliantblue at November 6, 2007 7:55 PM
The only reason people trade is if they want something.
If you have no leverage than you come off second best.
But when you are in my position ,I don’t trade, I don’t have to because I depend on nobody to sustain my existence , for example.a boss,a company etc.
In personal relationships I prefer to find common ground, if you haven’t got any common ground than you won’t be together long anyway.
Posted by: thefotografer at November 6, 2007 7:20 PM
Hi people
New to blogging, only this week in fact. I needed a 'down' day so after a rare sleep-in, sat down to read through this blog, starting at the beginning.
Pheweeee! Didn't it get nasty toward the middle of October. But back to that later.
On the subject... why should age matter? Things may be easier with closeness of age, but who said things always had to be easy? We're talking emotions and affairs of the heart here, so there will always be little (& sometimes not so little)speedhumps on the highway of life.
Some of the micest moments I've witnessed have been when I've seen two people, regardless of age, sharing each others company, loving every minute of it, having fun, and then you see their eyes meet and they just smile at each other.
Not that I'm in lust smile either, but the other kind. Its what I call a warm fuzzy moment. Who cares if they're old guy/young girl or old girl/young guy. If it works for them then you just have to be happy for them. They're not forcing it on you or anyone else. To each his own and whatever works for each is good.
Now to comment on a few other entries, and weren't some of them great? There are some wise people out there, and some even hide their wiseness (?) in comic remarks. Well done!
thefotographer, Oct 15... War of the Sexes? Don't see it as a battle myself. Just the continuing search for the right one. Don't much like fighting, although I know it's just a term.
Statistics..... I wondered how long it would take to bring them up, and it actually took quite a lot of entries. Stats are rubbish. You can make them say anything. Eg. We did stats at school. It was obvious that what the teacher was saying was a lot of old cobblers so I put my hand up. When asked I said I could give him a statistic. I said, "I don't wear any underwear." When asked what relevance that was I replied, "Statistics show that 99.98% of people killed in motor vehicle accidents are wearing underwear. I just want to encrease my odds at living." We were not amused were we?
Trade... (Started by Amandad31, Oct 21.)... The whole of life is a trade. I trade some of my leisure time to work. The boss trades my work for money. In a relationship, we trade some of our freedom/independence for company, not just sex. In a way every form of trade is one or another sort of prostitution. For this I put the blinkers on and choose not to view it that way. Its a glass half full thing.
Divorced/single....(Brilliantblue and others, Oct 15) I have changed my profile to divorced just to keep the piece. But soooo long after the one and only divorce, and several relationships later, I'm afraid I still regard myself as single. (See, that was a trade).
As to the reasons for divorce, I don't think you could possibly catalogue or categorise them all. My divorce was caused by my wife turning 30. Five years later the most her parents - lovely people they are - found out was that she didn't want to get older. Within 12 months she had remarried, a younger bloke (a bit wimpy but a nice chap anyway) and they have been happy ever since. There's none as queer as folk is there? What sort of a reason was that?
In the other two major relationships, we just sort of grew apart. What I mean is that life took us in different directions. It's like that sometimes. We are still very good friends. John Lennon got it right when he said, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."
House security... (woodnwine/Brilliantblue, Oct 19)... very important but precautions can be taken. The fear of this can be very daunting but should not I think prevent entering into a new relationship. I personally would not argue over a house. It's the material object thing, and there's plenty more where they came from. The only ones who win in those kind of arguments are the legal eagles.
Freedom of speech.... (thelynathdiary, Oct. 21) There is legally no such thing in Australia. Not since the UK declared us aliens in the early 70's, not since Little Johnny's terrorist legislation, and yes there is a bit in there about what you can and can't say, and expecially not as Australia is about the only economically developed nation without any form of Bill of Rights guaranteeing this.
To Wraecca and BK.... good on you both. My sincere best wishes. Hope it continues to work out for you. And I may just pop in and say hi next time I'm passing through Bathurst, which is fairly often.
Spiders..... the best and surest way I've found to get rid of them, humanely, is to get an empty chinese food container and pop it over them. Then you get a piece of stiff paper or thin cardboard and slide it underneath. Then you can carry them outside and get rid of them. No touching involved.
Profiles..... I may visit your profiles more than once. This does not mean I am a pervert, although with the right amount of leverage and encouragement I could possibly become one. Who knows, I might like it. No, it is simply because you read so many (and that in itself is possibly a little perverted) that you forget who said what, and who lives where etc. So if something comes up in a blog, or a face pops up on the 'featured members' bit then I will go and revisit them to refresh the memory. No apologies made, none needed, and no sinister intentions for those who are nervously inclined.
I was going to congratulate thefotographer on his sense of humour. I had many a good laugh with his replies. Even though some were a bit cynical at times, often they would spark a flagging blog which was perhaps his intention. But I'm afraid camera man you have been eclipsed.
Along came the great fight, mainly between Amandad31 and Brilliantblue, (pr at least the most entertaining part of the fight). I thought Bb's line, "You immature piece of absolute garage" was priceless. I know it was only a typo but I cracked and immediately rang a builder friend to see if I could get one.
I just love it when things are getting serious then something like that accidently happens and diffuses the whole situation. When things have calmed down it gives you something to look back on and laugh over. So cameraman, you were beaten by a typo.
But back to the topic, personally I couldn't think of anything worse than dating a 21-25 year old. All those 'oh my god's', and 'heaps', and 'whatever's' (when they can't think of anything else to reply with) and all those 'likes'... no thanks.
ohmygod. Like that would be heaps bad.
Hooroo for now. Have a great time while hunting.
And I didn't use the spellcheck. Whatever.
Posted by: snipt9876 at November 6, 2007 6:59 PM
I totally agree with you wishingandhoping2…it’s a good feeling to smile and chat to someone you don’t know….even the little old lady standing in the line with you….who will love nothing more than to tell you about her grandchildren. The butchers are the masters of flirtation….but you always leave having had a good laugh and feeling good.
Posted by: brilliantblue at November 6, 2007 8:23 AM
WnW, flirting is good too!
Someone suggested to me last year that I should flirt at least five times each day. I tried it and it workss. It gives you a whole new aspect to meeting and talking to people.
I'm not talking about sexual flirting just friendly, fun repartee with those you meet up with over a day. It could be the butcher(they are masters of the game), the sales assistant, waiter, student, co-worker, whoever you come across. Try it, it's fun and makes you both happy.
Also try smiling at strangers when you are out and about. It becomes a joy to see some faces light up and nice to know that you may have made someone's day.
So my advice for blogland today is to flirt and smile more often.
Sounds a bit shallow, but it's not. It will make you feel good.
Posted by: wishingandhoping2 at November 6, 2007 8:10 AM
woodnwine maybe the stay in beautiful Melbourne has tempered you.......
We have that effect down here you know very relaxed and casual..........k
Posted by: auntykaz at November 5, 2007 8:17 PM
wishing2 - I guess my attitude is changing. I am at the stage on this site where I have made some good friends and frankly I am a bit like brilliantblue, I am happy by myself and don't really mind who or what comes along, it's all good. I might even buy some more stamps soon as I believe I have to send a few emails and people don't seem to be able to contact me, which I thought would be easy. Flirting? Not really just happy & expressing myself.
brilliantblue - no, don't change but you will need to be flexible, which becomes harder the older we get. I do what you mean about being restless.
Posted by: woodnwine at November 5, 2007 7:56 PM
Hi Woodnwine….in reply to your question!
I just don’t think I fit into men’s expectations of normal at my age….I don’t think I fit either!
I’m probably not going to explain this very well but I’ll try. Personality wise I have two sides the immature, stupid, fun then there’s the other side of responsible, serious and deep. The problem is extremes I’m totally one or the other….no middle ground. Brain wise I need the academic and the creative….can’t survive without both….I also run with extremes here as well….althrough my life it has been one or the other….started of in advertising with graphic arts diploma…then became bored after so many years and went back to university…majored in psychology and philosophy….after many years realised I needed both sides….now work as a cartographer/graphic draughtsperson which is the first job where I have both sides.
I get bored very easily….find it hard to settle…hate routine with a passion, always ready to lead the fight for the underdog….have never done anything in half measures, very energetic, my life has always been the rollercoaster and wouldn’t have it any other way!
I’m probably just too much for any man….and not willing to settle just for the sake of being with some one….I’m had men wanting a relationship but I’m just not interested if it doesn’t feel 100% right. I’ve got to a stage in my life where I would rather be on my own than with the wrong person.
I’ll know if the right person for me comes by but if it doesn’t happen, so be it…I’ll still be happy!
Posted by: brilliantblue at November 5, 2007 5:09 PM
You've returned in a very flirtatious mode WnW....
Posted by: wishingandhoping2 at November 5, 2007 2:39 PM
brilliantblue - good idea about breast cancer - I would support that. BTW, why are you still here? Why hasn't someone snapped you up? I am too old and am starting to get comfortable here on the shelf (amazing what you can do to make an old shelf comfortable, a cushion here or there, a fresh coat of paint.)
Posted by: woodnwine at November 4, 2007 10:51 PM
Good idea brilliantblue at November 4, 2007 6:12pm.
You are right wishingandhoping2 at November4, 2007 3:56pm with people we have loved and lost being a part of us forever.
-As I do think the same, of everyone I meet in my life.
No matter for how short a time, even simply exchanging a smile with a stranger in the street, a child at church this morning -these interactions become a part of each other for the rest of our lives.
I lost health and some abilities through a teen accident, family connections through my 20's, a spouse at 30yrs and truly value everything left to me. Now I use my time to help others less fortunate.
I do like wraecca's term of a "blessing" rather than the previous word used by someone else, of "baggage" to describe being part of life and its experiences.
My own reference to some bits of life being a curse, was made as usual, with a touch of wryness.
Posted by: ornamentalonly at November 4, 2007 7:19 PM
Have just put a blog up on RSVP Support asking them to run an "RSVP PINK DAY" for every stamp purchased a percentage goes to the "Breast Cancer Foundation"
Posted by: brilliantblue at November 4, 2007 6:12 PM
People we have loved and lost remain within us forever. Sometimes they even become our spirit guides in life.
They are never far away and yes, life is the greatest gift and needs to be lived as such.
Posted by: wishingandhoping2 at November 4, 2007 3:56 PM
Life *is* a blessing and as such, should be lived to the full. You don't know when certain people or abilities will be taken away from you. Be thankful for every day that you have where you are healthy, of sound mind, and have people you love and love you back.
Life is too short, and we lose those that we care for too soon.
I'm sorry, I just can't do this today...............
Posted by: wraecca at November 4, 2007 3:42 PM
I think life can be a blessing, woodnwine (as well as a curse at times) and it's up to ourselves to make the best of what we have.
Posted by: ornamentalonly at November 4, 2007 10:54 AM
Wow, being single really is a blessing isn't it?
Posted by: woodnwine at November 4, 2007 12:24 AM
I think experience gives us the knowledge to avoid situations we don't want to be involved in. Either with a certain type of male/female/ or whatever.
Surely we all have the right to make our own choices based on these sometimes hard earnt life lessons?
Also, not to have other people condemn, our experienced maturity/judgements/supposed baggage/or whatever else they may call it?
Posted by: ornamentalonly at November 3, 2007 11:40 PM
brilliantblue
This may turn up twice-lol
I would like to get together with fellow bloggers in Sydney. At the moment I am out for lunch on the 24th november-for my parents' 50th wedding anniversary lunch. (it can be done). I have the ladies from my sewing group at my place for Christmas get-together on December 1st.
Hopefully we will be able to organise a day to meet-looking forward to it.
karenchocolat
Posted by: karenchocolat at November 3, 2007 8:47 PM
You are right, we all have baggage but it is just life experiences and how we deal with them.
I meant that I don't have baggage about men or any bitterness.
My problem would be that since I never dated before a few years ago the last guys I did date were in their twenties or thirties.
You probably went through the same thing when you started dating after getting over your wife's death. Not that you ever would get over it but you know what I mean....
Posted by: wishingandhoping2 at November 3, 2007 7:05 PM
Forographer,
Go back and read this blog from the beginning to get a better insight into me and my situation. May give you a better understandin of where I am coming from.....
I am not a bitter, rejected wife and I am ceratinly never self-righteous.
Posted by: wishingandhoping2 at November 3, 2007 6:56 PM
Oh girl, we all have baggage.
Your baggage to me might be just rubbish that you have never put in a bin…..to you it night be precious memories.
Never ever say you have not got baggage…….behaviour is baggage and I have not met one single woman who has not got some thing from their past which is not influencing their thinking in the present day.
I can only speak from a male point of view because I don’t date men!!!
Posted by: thefotografer at November 3, 2007 6:55 PM
I can't answer that question as I've never been in that situation.
I've been single for many, many years and brought up my two children alone and never dated until my son turned twenty-one.
I never married, so consequently never divorced. I had no wish to date in all those years so as it happens I ma not one of those women.
I can actually say with all honesty that I have no baggage.
Posted by: wishingandhoping2 at November 3, 2007 6:46 PM
Wishingand hoping2
It is the women in their 50’s that are scared and self righteous.
I have had a look through some of the younger profiles in their twenties who are more than happy to meet a guy in his late thirties to early forties,so you tell me what goes on in the mind of a 50 year old woman who all of a sudden after their long term marriage love of their life divorce end up so screwed up in the head ?
Just thought I would ask?
Is that because their last husband bonked their brains out ?
Posted by: thefotografer at November 3, 2007 6:37 PM
People in their fifties are up against it, as both sexes seem to find each other too old and fusty, infit or whatever.....we are destined to remain single until this changes.
Posted by: wishingandhoping2 at November 3, 2007 6:21 PM
good words of advice waterbombe - I wish someone had told me this when I first joined rsvp in the beginning! In 2 years of being on and off this site I can honestly say only a minority that I have met are looking for a partner. Ah, the players I have met them, everyone from the 'i love you' types to being ditched by txt types(cruel huh?) It unfortunately leaves me and others extremely wary of everyone one you meet - genuine or not, you are half expecting to be treated badly.
I remain positive though, I am an optomist! I have met some great men on here as well (they are still friends). woodnwine its not just the younger guys either, I am 41 and its guys around my age.
Posted by: ausgal123 at November 3, 2007 3:21 PM
On another blog someone complained that I don't reply to comments made to me!
However, I DO reply,( but it is up to the management to decide which of my blogs they publish) and if they edit them and leave parts out sometimes it can realy change my meaning!
So if you have made a comemnt to me, and I haven't replied, don't feel slighted,its just that it hasn't been selected for publication.
I hope that that clears things up.
Posted by: somelifeinmeyet at November 2, 2007 11:25 PM
Reply to the "fotografer" Oct 29th 7.30pm........I did not stand you up as I was not aware that we had a "wining and dining date" at macdonalds in Melbourne!....(is that not a contradiction in terms?????)---------(I think I would have expected something a bit more like home-cooked actually to impress me!! LOL!!)
What were you doing in Melbourne looking for me, when I am up here in western Sydney??????
So you poor thing, you are now "at home climbing the walls"????????
Well well, we will just have to keep chatting on the blogs instead.
Keep the jokes coming, my daughter loves to send them on to her friends too if she likes them!
Posted by: somelifeinmeyet at November 2, 2007 11:09 PM
To "thelynythdiary'..I posted a request for people to give the code meanings to words on profiles a little while back, but didn't get a reply yet.---(but the management don't of course publish all requests OR all answers, so someone may have replied but they didn't post it.
However, you have brought the subject up yourself, and so some people who have been around longer, may be able to tell us all.
I too had noticed those things on that person's profile, and thought that they would attract the wrong person.
"fun times" ..."garden path" and" open to everything", are OBVIOUSLY going to attract creeps, but I am sure that htere are many expressions that seem quite inocent,that in 2007 have taken on a new meaning!
My daughter's have told me that men have codes which they say in their profiles,which indicate that they are into homosexual activities on the side.----(they some times list these codes under their interests section apparently (.ie; "watersports" is one my daughter's said to watch out for!)
When I see women complaining on these chatboards about getting genital photos sent to them as a way of identifying their date for the coffee meeting... I wonder if something in their profile or their conversation has been misinterpreted as a "code"..and if they could be enlightned as to these "codes", this might prevent this happening in the future!
Also, I certainly wouldn't want this happening to me either.!
So, does anyone out in blog land, know these "codes", so that we can avoid saying any of them????????????
Posted by: somelifeinmeyet at November 2, 2007 8:17 PM
meegymeegs, that was a very tough thing to happen. But if you had slept with the guy, you wouldn't have seen him again either. My guess is he was a 'player'. They are charming, fun, entertaining,thoughtfiul, considerate, helpful...until they get sex. They want sex without a relationship, and when the woman expects a relationship, they move on to the next one.
Who do they choose? Any woman newly separated, any woman who seems vulnerable or easy or who has been hurt. A woman who has been hurt is shaky, her belief in herself has been damaged, and she's easy to con because she needs connection and warmth so badly. These guys can fake warmth for 2-3 days (or weeks. But no longer). They can fake it long enough to get you into bed. There are a lot of these guys looking for vulnerable women on RSVP, and everywhere else. And it doesn't matter what age they are ...19, 33, 55 .... God knows but I imagine some 70 year old men do this too.
How do you avoid them? This is general advice... Don't put anything in your profile that says "easy" (not even the word), don't say what you don't want (because clearly you have recently had what you don't want, (or it wouldn't be uppermost in your mind) therefore you are hurt, therefore you are vulnerable), and don't mention sex, fun times, playfulness, intimacy, cuddles, hugs, .lying on a rug in front of a winter fire...and the rest. They are all code words for sex to someone.
I think you had a lucky escape from this guy, because you could have been a lot more damaged emotionally if you had hung out with him for 2-3 weeks and then he disappeared. It wasn't your fault...but now you are single again you should learn to spot these guys. For your own protection.
Posted by: waterbombe at November 2, 2007 7:32 PM
By the way don,t believe that some men are not just interested in sex even at 75!!!!
Posted by: aqtpi at November 2, 2007 4:15 PM
Hi every one.. I,M GOBSMACKED a fellow iv,e had contact(met on RSVP) with now for 4 mths.. a couple of coffees lots of msn and emails, i have just found out is 75yrs old next b,day.. he told me he was going to be 60 ON Christmas Day;; it was a good lesson yet again on following my gut instinct when things just didn,t seem right I would ring his wife and tell her if i didn,t think she might die from heart attack;; Junebaby i,d be interested in a Canberra get to gether
By the way he doesn,t know YET that i know happy looking to you all
Posted by: aqtpi at November 2, 2007 4:12 PM
Hi Tish B, Never give up is the way to go! Nice to see you back, but I think you should reintroduce yourself on the current blog as a lot of people are having trouble getting this one to download..takes forever and freezes!
aka patience
Posted by: thelynathdiary at November 2, 2007 3:55 PM
agreed WW but there is a great misconception that all men want is sex. I guess like myself, and you , there are others out there that would actually like a commited relationship, not just a romp.
Dont get me wrong, romp[ing is nice , but really only with the right person.
Posted by: twoeyes at November 2, 2007 3:48 PM
meegymeegs
Firstly, no not all men are after just sex and most don't expect it instantly but some certainly do from what everyone on here says (I still find it hard to believe some of the stories). Secondly though, at 33 years of age, maybe you need to consider dating slightly more mature men. If you mostly date guys 19-24 (no matter how young you may or may not look) then you will probably mostly get guys who just want sex. At 19 years of age, most guys are not ready for a relationship, they just want fun so maybe you should reconsider and look closer to your age. Many guys around 30-35 look young too.
Posted by: woodnwine at November 2, 2007 3:34 PM
Hi brilliantblue
Actually my trip was a working trip with very little time for pleasure. I hope everyone on the blogs has been well and I hear Ninaschen has just had a birthday - happy birthday.
Posted by: woodnwine at November 2, 2007 3:19 PM
brilliantblue
I would love to get together with fellow bloggers! Will, of course, depend on the date and the time. For me it can't be during the day on 24/11/07 (my parents' 50th wedding anniversary) or on December 1st (have all my sewing friends at my place for our Christmas get-together).
Looking forward to meeting people, whose posts I have been reading!
karenchocolat
Posted by: karenchocolat at November 2, 2007 1:57 PM
Hi Meegymeegs,
I feel very sorry that there are guys out there that give the genuine guys a bad rap. However, guys that prey on women generally look for situations where there are likely to be desperate or vulnerable women; and RSVP (and similar sites) are just their natural hunting grounds - its llike a smorgasbord to them. Image, every woman here is looking for a guy - its a meat market to these types.
The only advice I can give you is this. Work out who you are first and what you want from a relationship. Stick by your principles; and dont give it up until you are ready mentally, that will weed out the characters who are contacting you looking for a quick score - make them wait.
You have already met one of these guys and stuck by your values; so remember this old saying and it might help - "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me".
Good luck, but remember there are genuine guys on these sites, you just have to work it all out over time.
Bob
Posted by: notgodsgift at November 2, 2007 1:42 PM
Any sydneysiders please let us know if you are interested in a Sydney get together so we can try to organise a time and venue to suit everyone!
Hi Woodnwine....great to see you back on the blogs...hope you had a great holiday!
Posted by: brilliantblue at November 2, 2007 12:42 PM
funlovertoo - unfortunately I missed lunch and didn't arrive 'till about 3pm but I heard the lunch was great. Good luck everyone with the Sydney meeting, I believe brilliantblue is keen to get something happening.
Posted by: woodnwine at November 2, 2007 11:38 AM
meegymeegs...if it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't. Consider yourself lucky.
Also, I agree with thelynathdiary that the leading up the garden path reference in your profile is an open invite to path leader-uppers. Lovely photo by the way.
woodnwine...I hear the yum cha was a success.
Posted by: funlovertoo at November 2, 2007 8:18 AM
The bloggers meeting in Melbourne was great, pity I arrived late and missed meeting some of you but I had already booked my flight before I knew about the meeting. Now I have to try and ctach up with what has been going on in the blogs - could be a big job.
Posted by: woodnwine at November 2, 2007 1:35 AM
meegymeegs, have read your dating dilemma and have the following thoughts.
The internet communication method is somewhat limited and it is very easy for misunderstandings to occur.
I am not sure if times have really changed all that much with men trying for sex asap, except that now women do it too!
I firmly believe that when the right person comes along you will both be "in sync" as to the pace setting for a relationship.
Perhaps in this case you were a bit impatient as it is very easy to get swept away with the idea of romance especially if you haven't experienced any for some time. You might have given out desperate vibes regarding follow up time frames.
Going back to words on an internet site being open to misinterpretation, I would suggest you might change a couple of words on your profile. the "I am easily lead up the garden path"bit....could be misinterpreted as "I am open to anything" and might be attracting men you don't want to attract.
My first profile had the words "likes fun times' or similar in it...until someone pointed out that on the Internet they had an entirely different meaning.
I am sure the right guy will be there for you soon.
Posted by: thelynathdiary at October 31, 2007 11:00 PM
Ninaschen, Ninashen, Ninaschen,
Thanks for the vote of confidence, you Latrobe Valley Lovely.
Guess who is coming to Melbourne? (big yawn of disinterest from the blogging fraternity)
Guess who is not coming? (big sigh of disappointment from her legion of fans)
Oh well, you can't please everyone
Posted by: rocco61 at October 31, 2007 10:56 PM
I really don't have anything to say, I just want to see if I have to go through the initiation process or if I get there instantly!!
Can't say I find anything much of interest in the blogs these days, must be getting old and cantankerous.
Happy Boffday belatedly Ninaschen, am trying to come up with the perfect present, but I'm struggling. Chocolate Body Paint, mebbe? Keeping an eye on Tiger Air for a cheapie for Dec 1, but so far it's not looking good. If Mr Lotto pulls a rabbit out of the hat this week, I'll be there with bells on.
I feel like an outsider these days when I nip in for a quick read of the blogs. I've been to Carolina in my mind....or somewhere else....no kisses sent or received for a long time, my negvibes must be leaking into cyberspace. Need some positive feedback to get me out of my Crankypants.
Posted by: tishb at October 31, 2007 10:22 PM
CS/RSVP/Ivan/Whoever - Please let Rocco post in 'real-time'! I will vouch for him. If he proves himself unworthy, you can take your pound of flesh from me. You can punish me by putting me back in the queue of 'newbies' (a punishment that would be excruciating, so I don't make this sacrifice lightly). A suggestion - go back and do a search of postings made by people such as Rocco, KarenChocolat, JuneBaby etc. and check for yourselves that they are, all in all, inoffensive.
The blogs are becoming stale and I am sure everyone is getting sick of reading the comments of a 'select' few.
Posted by: ninaschen at October 31, 2007 9:07 PM
RSVP,
"meegymeegs" has been on RSVP one week and gets "real time" posting on her first blog.
What about the rest of us.
What have I ever said that excludes me and others for that matter?
*******************************************************
[CS] Member Meegymeegs had technical issues posting their blog entry, so they requested their post through RSVP Staff after it was checked.
Members on the Trusted list will get real time postings, others will need to wait for their entries to be approved. Unfortunately we do not have the staff to approve all blog entries in real time. We are doing our best to approve your entries as soon as we can, please be patient and we hope you continue to enjoy using our blogs.
*******************************************************
Posted by: rocco61 at October 31, 2007 4:40 PM
If anyone has some advice it would be greatly appreciated...(lil bit about age, dating)
I joing RSVP last week. It's been three years since my ex & we were together 7 years. So I am quite new to all this dating stuff... When I felt my heart was ready (approx. 12 mths) I started "dating" again. If that's what you call it.... I've learnt the hard way & very quickly that "most" (NOT "all" guys) are after 1 thing! There seems to be a "hit-it & quit-it" mentality that is possibly equally rife through men & women in the singles scene. I am even surprised that many RSVP profiles are thinly veiled attempts to get SEX! I have heard there are other sites for that kinda thing & I thought RSVP was for singles genuinely seeking a partner & wanting to date...(you can't always rely on 1st impressions)...
I admit, the last 2 yrs have been tough (fun but tough). I completely sympathise with all the singles out there trying to find "The One" but not even that...all of us who can't even find someone "decent" that wants to hang-around a lil & get to know you... I totally underestimated it! I thought I'm an attractive, smart gal with a gsoh, financially secure & grounded - how difficult could it be...? LOL!! When I go out generally the guys that speak to me are 19-24 (I do look younger than my age). I actually approached this guy who was 28 & I loved how he said all the right things. I thought he was wonderful... I gave him my no. & heard from him via text 4 mths later. I must have made such a great impression for him to contact me so FAST! Then he wonders why I'm a tad mad...?
I have danced salsa for around 5 yrs & not once have I mixed it with a relationship. I don't think it's such a great idea as you have to see the person socially wk after wk if things go bad! Recently, I made an exception when I met a lovely guy, who I found very attractive (although he's not who I would normally be interested in). From the moment I saw him I was very keen... I found out we had quite a bit in common & he's really nice to talk to! Cutting a long-story short we kissed after salsa one night. I was over the moon!
I can't remember kissing like that for a very, very long time!! He was far exceeding my expectations & I thought we were off to a great start BUT...there's always a BUT!! I was kinda holding back as I wanted to get to know him more etc... I really didn't want to ruin things or do something I may regret later... He actually had me in the palm of his hand... If he said bark like a dog I (almost) would have! I haven't even wanted a guy to stick around (since my ex for the last 10 yrs) & I thought I should be careful here...(haven't seen many "keepers") Now I wonder if doing that kinda thing would 'bite me in the butt' time after time....? PLUS aren't guys mostly unimpressed when they get what they want too easily...?
Perhaps I'd made him to be something so wonderful in my mind & I came crashing back to reality when I found out he's "just like all the rest". Basically, he ignored me & 2.5 days later I emailed him..."Are you leaving me in suspense out of necessity or is this part of your cunning plan....?". He explained he thought we "wanted different things" because I had to go & (thank God we only kissed) & he must have thought 'I won't get what I want from this girl!' Do guys really expect girls to give it up instantly!!?? If he'd just hung around for 5 mins....geez! ;-P To say the least I was very disappointed & felt he'd misread me & assumed so much without any evidence. I tried to 'wave a white flag' & say sorry because I did overreact etc... But it's way too late - I've completely burnt the bridge. He's obviously not for me but I feel upset that the moment I start holding back with someone I think has potential - all of a sudden too late.... He doesn't feel the way I was feeling toward him...perhaps I simply didn't "float his boat" so to speak...
I understand he's a jerk but should I get used to this...? Is this what "dating" in 2007 is all about... Do any women or men share a similar experience??
Posted by: meegymeegs at October 31, 2007 3:26 PM
SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do lawyers use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
20 kgs.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in year 9.
Who has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18.
What's the difference between a porcupine and a police car?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
'Are you sure it's mine?'
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
What's the difference between an Australian zoo and an English zoo?
An Australian zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... 'a recipe..'
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern USA fairytale and a southern USA fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins 'Once upon a time...'
A southern fairytale begins 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit...'
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.
Posted by: thefotografer at October 30, 2007 10:58 PM
lordthingie: Can't say I've noticed Tracey....I have, however, noticed that someone is using a publicity pic of one of our politicians...mmmmm...wonder who?
Posted by: hiddencharms at October 30, 2007 9:54 PM
I can say that as I've got older the range I'll date in has expanded over time. As someone born on the cusp of Gen X and Gen Y (and probably leaning slightly towards Gen Y in how my head is wired), I tend to find I have more in common with slightly younger women than slightly older women, but this is not a deal breaker if an older woman has interests in common with me.
Five years ago, I would only date within around 5 years of my own age. These days I'll stretch as far as around 8-10, depending on the person and their level of emotional and intellectual maturity.
Posted by: gedintolife at October 30, 2007 9:39 AM
I am sure I meant aspersion (note to self, don't blog before completetion of first morning coffee).
Posted by: trumanscat at October 30, 2007 7:59 AM
umm. Won't be coming to Melbourne afterall mob, other priorities at present.
Maybe Womadelaide 7th to 9th of March?
Posted by: trumanscat at October 30, 2007 7:56 AM
martingale1. Absurd to have described the women on the blogs as submissive, yet another blanket ascertain over the majority.
Posted by: trumanscat at October 30, 2007 7:54 AM
Don't want to intrude.
But could I say a quick hello to the cabaret singer Tracey Leigh, whose face I notice occasionally on these pages.
Stay cool Tracey. Keep doing what you do best. And you could send me your latest CD. Ta
Posted by: lordcholmondeley at October 30, 2007 7:04 AM
Pride of erin??
think thats called the tracey leigh waltz these days, or maybe the charmaine waltz..
Im more into the latin stuff and ones like the quickstep and foxtrot....very hard to learn but great fun
Posted by: auntykaz at October 29, 2007 9:27 PM
Miserableoldcow,
Sorry about the rejection kiss, I gather now that it was just a blogger kiss?
Junebaby, maybe us outsiders need a blog of our own that is moderated and everybody(including newbies and excluding blog swamping "real time" gang members) could post and share thoughts.
Or perhaps the priviledged few could limit themselves to one blog instead filling every blog.
Failing this the outsiders should try one of the less used blogs like Deal Makers, I got posted in the same day on that one, got so excited I wet my pants.
David
Posted by: rocco61 at October 29, 2007 9:02 PM
auntykaz: Terry keeps telling me he'll take me out on one of his big dancing nights...I think I can remember the Pride of Erin...? The Nuns tried to teach me years ago...More a boot-scootin' gal...
Posted by: hiddencharms at October 29, 2007 9:02 PM
Cool hiddencharms no offence taken trust me.
I'll go put my dancing shoes on with a pretty skirt and do some rumba practicing. Or maybe samba. Or maybe cha cha.
I do have some practicing to do (she says in a deadpan voice).......k
Posted by: auntykaz at October 29, 2007 8:48 PM
junebaby: I did try for that get together...Terry had an accident and David wanted to clear his undie drawer....then I forgot (Terry was supposed to liaise)...sorry...maybe next time, with a bit more co-ordination on the Bris side?
Posted by: hiddencharms at October 29, 2007 8:05 PM
auntykaz: No offence at anyone or any dancers was meant, I'm sure. Merely passed on his message. It is a long running joke with Terry or Datelessnotdesperate, as he likes to ogle the youngies...
Posted by: hiddencharms at October 29, 2007 7:55 PM
Somelifeinmeyet
Where were you?
I have never ever been stood up!!!
The Big Macs were too cold to eat and the chips got soggy.
I ended up shopping in Bunnings buying 3 4litres of Dulux low sheen
3 brushes a paint tray and two covers with one roller.
All in all it was a very expensive experience and now instead of being in Melbourne wining and dining I am at home climbing the walls.
Posted by: thefotografer at October 29, 2007 7:30 PM
To the "fotographer"don't worry about the spoil sports who said you are just "cutting and pasting from a joke site"...ignore them, and KEEP posting them, I enjoy them and so do my daughters,( and many )
Keep up the jokes, ignore the dead boring "R.S.P.C.A, joiners from Byron bay" LOL!! LOL!!!!
Posted by: somelifeinmeyet at October 29, 2007 7:01 PM
Ouch hiddencharms best l get my bottle of magic silver white out and join the blus rinsers on the dancefloor!!!!
Not all ballroomers are rinsers you know.
Ohhh now l feel positively ancient.........k
Posted by: auntykaz at October 29, 2007 5:34 PM
Hi Guys, have just come back from a lovely weekend at the coast, partying and celebrating a friends birthday. We even saw a pod of whales go past when we were at the headland at Narooma, I was so impressed.
Being away at the coast has recharged my batteries, so I feel like I am me again.
You rock Rocco61, I fully agree about the posting of messages in the blogs that you wrote on Oct 26.
Karenchocolat and Ninaschen, Thank you for your kind thoughts re my older son going to Iraq, it is appreciated.
I don't know when you guys are planning the next bloggers get together, but I am interested and will try to attend.
And FYI, that one we tried to get together in Brisbane when I was there for work in September, didn't actually work out. Hello to Terry, glad to hear that he is well, as he did think it was a good idea at the time.
Have a lovely evening...jewels
Posted by: junebaby57 at October 28, 2007 6:59 PM
The idea of woodnwine being a gang leader is hilarious. He is usually supportive of the women on here. Having read the postings of the women on these blogs, who would believe that we would be submissive to anyone?
Should be a great laugh for woodnwine when he comes back- a good laugh at the end of a holiday is always good.
Rocco61
It was good to see your post- I have missed them. Hopefully RSVP will make it easier to get posted more quickly though I can understand their dilemma.
RSVP- could you at least post our comments at the top of the blog-it is hard being lost way back in the blog when it finally gets there as no-one ever realises you have written.
karenchocolat
Posted by: karenchocolat at October 28, 2007 3:08 PM
Malsie: Just read your posting 22 October, re Terry, David and I travelling south together....who could imagine...? I got a good laugh out of trying to picture us all! I'd have to take my spade, so I could belt him around the ears a couple of times...and, of course my Rescue From Gilligan's Island dvd...(Hi again, Muffin - ha ha)
Seriously, if I can't convince the man to leave his beloved SC for 1 night for d
Blog now closed; thank you for your comments!
Posted by: rsvpproducttest at November 27, 2007 8:51 AM