RSVP

Hi, i just joined earlier, i actually joined twice because i could not change the wrong date of birth, and it also went wrong the 2nd time i joined. How can i erase my 2 profile (lucy718 and la718), and i want to join again, i hope next time it registers my correct date of birth. My date of birth is july 18, 1970. TY.

Posted by: la718 at September 7, 2008 6:35 PM

Has anyone noticed the RSVP ad with a cute hotie that says along the lines

"On average a single women will meet 12,000 people in her lifetime, half are female, of the remaining half, a third are too old and a third too young and of the remaining one third,

39% are married,
18% are gay,
11% have unacceptable haircuts
8% have BO,
4% have mother issues,
3% are over compensating and
17% are just tools?"

That makes up 100% of the remaining third! I wonder where the extra five mentioned in the ad came from.

Posted by: hommedaction at September 6, 2008 5:40 PM

This is more in the category line...there seems to be a dearth of dedicated art topics...plenty of topics for books,film,music etc ....but nothing for visual arts.Some of us love it ,critique it....do it.Just a thought.

Posted by: ssshhh at September 4, 2008 11:18 PM

Hello good looking modem at the end of the mouse......how about a blog about your most embarassment "walk in" ie: getting caught with your pants down in the wrong place at all the wrong times in front of the oldies or where ever the moment takes you?

Just a twisted sould with far far too much time on her hands..

Peace out xxx

Posted by: amourmoi08 at September 4, 2008 8:07 AM

I agree with looking4u41, The kisses arrive & you want to handle them without offending the other person. I agree with further choices of 'give me a chance to think about it' or 'let me get back to you on that' without having to make a commitment straight away.

Posted by: chemistry2 at September 1, 2008 10:01 PM

how do you handle the step parent thing? how do u know if they're overstepping the mark & how do u successfully handle that? Will your partner & children coming out unscathed? U know as a parent what to do & feel, but can u go on forever & protect them even when they get to adulthood? I don't think that you ever shut off when you're a parent & it"s impossible to do so!!!

Posted by: fazmynginch at August 30, 2008 11:38 PM

Hi
Idea for a blog topic - Music that inspires. Music can change the way you feel, it can motivate, it can heel. Music can make you want to dance, it can touch your soul, and free your spirit. Music has been used by ancient tribes to techno wiz kids. Lets talk about music that inspires.

Posted by: takeachancetoday at August 27, 2008 10:23 AM

I found getting started in RSVP very daunting. I guess like a lot of others I feel embarrased a bit - don't tell the kids - yet. And then comes the problem of getting a good photo to put up. With me being interested in photography, I am usually on the wrong side of the lens and therefore there aren't many photos of me. So I spend a bit of time doing self protraits which seem to come out unnatural. Then the kisses start to arrive - how to handle them without offending the other person. perhaps we need a choice like ' give me a chance to think about it' or 'let me get back to you on that' without having to make a commitment straight away. Guess I am in for an interesting journey.

Posted by: looking4u41 at August 26, 2008 4:45 PM

OMG: who are you and which light year did you fall out of? xxxx

Is it true is there a wizard of oz that speaks to the mouse that runs the server, that speaks to the minds and souls of the ever fickle modem?

Did you wake from your own inner sleep to know that one day you would also share this site with the ones that know and are knowing?

Well schmell aren't we all?

I am looking for a guiding light that will take me to the pay roll office and not rely on my blogs as much...lol

I am looking for honesty from the wizard of oz and may just never be allowed, permitted, verbally upper cut off this site forever.....dear mp.

peace out xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Posted by: amourmoi08 at August 21, 2008 10:59 AM

more simple stories ...
......I know you are there,.........
I feel your presence occasionally,
as you pause, and look about you,
before you flit away
through a full and busy life,
I sense your desire to have someone in your life, beside you,
to equal your achievements
and spur you on to more explorations,
... to fill your life with even more pleasure,
Your colours waved across the grey
early light on this morning,
As I, snuggly wrapped in my doona, woke
and peered to see, through sleepy eyes,
your semi-transparent image,
Alas it was gone, dissolving quickly,
silently melting away,
..... as I reached out,
And I sat up longing, yearning
to trace a path, ... to follow,
Will this find you,
............ are you well?
I will set my search boundaries,
finish building my sailboat,
... and set forth on the high seas,
..... if that will find you.
.cheers all, photos are soon to arrive, MontyP

Posted by: montyc1900 at August 21, 2008 10:31 AM

Compatibility of people through their Star signs.......eg...Scorpios have a reputation as the most intense,and sexually passionate,Taureans as kind but extremely stubborn...I am yet to find someone who does not possess characteristics of their sign,Leos as domineering,needing to be THE centre of everything(mother-in-law is typical of this),etc....Let the Star Wars begin!!!!!

Posted by: musicteacher at August 20, 2008 3:36 PM

im sure the dog group is a good idea but what about those who have cats or other animals? I have 2 cats that i adore and would love to chat to other cats lovers. Maybe you can start a cat and other animals group?

Posted by: lynne1954 at August 20, 2008 2:39 PM

"joined this site on a bit of a dare from a female friend" That's what we all say! vbg. Welcome - nice poem and nice blurb on your profile :)

Posted by: willow29 at August 14, 2008 11:13 AM

Hi folks, joined this site on a bit of a dare from a female friend, ...to see what would happen ...like the idea of a 'poets-n-writers' blog page so I thought I'd ... 'jump in', this has the working title of ..
'stories about our future life together...'
................................................................
And when we meet and hold each other close,
…can it be in warm, bubbly water
… infused with scents of peach, rose and jasmine flowers,
…with many lit candles throwing moving shadows into your eyes,
…and making the water on your skin glisten
in the pale, flickering light,
…can we both choose a wonderful compilation of music
that will flood our senses,
…as it jumps from the CD and speakers,
in random order, and surprises us,
…will we spend a long, long time exploring each others
….. laughter,
…please then can, ……
.and when we finally drift into sleep,
.can I wrap my arm under your neck and
…drawing your back close to my chest,
… gently hold you, and smile,
I can’t wait …

Posted by: montyc1900 at August 14, 2008 10:45 AM

I agree with animallover6 (16/6/08) that I find it difficult to write about myself. And what I have already written must be boring/unappealing/ daggy etc as I have had all kisses returned with 'just met someonelse'.

Posted by: notjustnow at August 13, 2008 1:25 PM

Like Waternymph, I'd also like to see a poets' blog, or more generally, a writers' blog.

Posted by: willowslip at August 10, 2008 8:58 PM

I agree with comment posted by pythagoras at August 2, 2008 1:39 AM Reverse search criteria is a must!

I am happy for a non smoker but how many non smokers will give a smoker or someone struggling to give up a go? some will but majority don't.

Posted by: blackknightisthe14u at August 5, 2008 8:23 PM

I'd like a topic on what to do with unused stamps. I buy them so I can make contact, but I'm into quality not quantity, so inevitably I use 1 or 2 and then find they run out.

Of course, that puts me off buying them again.

I begrudgingly joined rsvip so the stamps don't expire, which is a help. But I'd like the option of 'selling back' unused stamps at a reduced price. (Rsvip doesn't really offer many benefits for $10/month to be honest). Or maybe just a membership fee and not stamps, ie one or other. That way people would be more likely to make contact, as paying a set fee means each contact they make is not an additional charge.

And a second topic, why people kiss you, and then don't follow up with an email. 95% of those who kiss me, that I reply to saying I'd love to receive an email, don't follow up. They can't all have 'just met someone else'. It does make me think they're just 'tight' with their money. Not a good start anyway!

Posted by: kim1967 at August 3, 2008 5:28 PM

Seems odd that I can search for people based upon what I want - but cannot search for people based upon what they want.

Simple case, if I search for females from 40-50, it includes results who don't want a 45yr old (i.e. me). There should be the option to include a reverse match on your searches.

There may be one... but I for one can't find it ...

Posted by: pythagoras at August 2, 2008 1:39 AM

Suggestions for blog topics -

What to wear in photos or on the first date. Both men and women are disadvantaged by the way they present themselves.

What to say in your profile or on the first date. Something general or the specifics of what you want in the long term.

Posted by: aqueousdb66 at July 31, 2008 9:21 PM

I'd like to start a blog where male and female RSVPers could share what they look for in a profile. I want to improve my profile.

Posted by: firegal at July 29, 2008 9:57 PM

I would really love to see an extra option in the search menu, to be able to search profiles that you dont have history with. This would really help in limiting how many profiles come up in your searches that returned a negative result. What do you other fellow RSVP-ESIANS think?

Posted by: tinytone at July 28, 2008 11:52 PM

THE POET IN US ALL....
I know I'm not the only poet here .. so Please can we have a POET"S BLOG ??

Posted by: waternymph47 at July 23, 2008 5:55 PM

lovemuzik at July 9, 2008 11:07 AM
That age filter idea has come up a few times and can work against you and also work in strange ways.
I was contacted via email by someone who according to her profile was adamant she waslooking for someone max age that is 5 years younger than mine.

Posted by: laughsandtalks at July 11, 2008 9:04 PM

"Basically the man met you in person and discovered he had no sexual attraction to you at all - in other words he would not want to have sex with you "
Posted by: yaahmulegiddyup at July 8, 2008 11:43 AM

Sorry but that was not a gun or a banana in his pocket and I'm not totally unaware of the effect I have on a man at close quarters .. like in the way he looked at me all the time we were together .. the way he touched me .. often during the 4 hours we were together... the depth of the hug on depature. I'm still amazed at 60 to get similar reactions .. as I was at 40 or 50!

One friend was kind enough to tell me it was less the lack of chemistry and more the fear that if he started .. I might want it to be ongoing and he might not. Saying that he felt nothing was just simplifying things.

I guess really what I'm asking here is what guys define as chemistry as none of you seem to really know for sure!

According to the dictionary :
Chemistry: The Science concerned with the composition of substances, the various elementary forms of matter and the interactions between them.

Now Pheromones .. there is a whole other matter :-)

Posted by: waternymph47 at July 11, 2008 8:11 PM

yaahmulegiddyup at July 11, 2008 2:55 PM

"Man Shortage" is just a bad excuse!

I agree there is not a shortage I know of... The girls just have the criterion wound so tight and aren't willing to go beyond their assumprions they are'nt finding anyone.

The two which amase me the most is that many won't look more than 10-20kms beyond where they are and that one quick nervous coffee is all that is needed to find out who someone is!

The whole if the instant chemistry isn't there then nothing could possibly develop thing is very strange to me...

There are lots of guys but actual meetings and spending enough time to get to know each other will have to occur!

To me it is no wonder there are so many singles... It is hard to work out what the girls are actually looking for when they resort to this mythical man drought comment!

Posted by: creativestuart at July 11, 2008 6:28 PM

Victor .. where were you when I was living in Goolwa last year ?? LOL Am in NSW now nearer to my daughter and Grandson. I can relate to the distance thing having lived there but can't believe 50% would not respond to an email .. but then I always have responded to all contacts.
Maybe there is something in the way you worded your request for the photos to be up to date .. cant say for sure. My photo is up to date and accurate by the way. I dont want any embarassing moments at first meeting ,, and in fact been told I'm a better view in person than in my photo.

To yaahmulegiddyup at July 11, 2008 2:55 PM ... I can only say .. I'm in the older bracket and maybe that is where the shortage lies

As for the subject matter to hand ..
I know there are a lot of budding or blooming poets among us .. including myself .. so.. How about a Poet's Corner ??

Posted by: waternymph47 at July 11, 2008 6:06 PM

victor 12:58...I don't understand your comment regarding "160K round trip"???. But with reference to that note on your profile, I would re-phrase it to remove the negative and angry connotations. Here are some examples of positive things you can say instead. "I hope you have a current and clear photo of yourself on your profile and I look forward to meeting you." "Believe it or not my photo is current, I hope your is too!" "I hope when I meet you, I will recognise you from your current photo." "I hope the photo on your profile gives me a clear and accurate representation of what you really look like today."

See what I mean? There is nothing negative about these comments.

My advice: send kisses first and if they're interested, then send an email and re-phrase that note about current photos.

Posted by: lovemuzik at July 11, 2008 5:33 PM

Yaahmule @2.55pm - No way!

Posted by: willow29 at July 11, 2008 3:46 PM

What is with all the talk of a man shortage in Australia

I for one can say that many men I know aged 20-40 are single and free and would like to be in a committed relationship

Perhaps it is actually women that do not want commitment in our modern age

Posted by: yaahmulegiddyup at July 11, 2008 2:55 PM

Using the philosophy that if a lady isn’t worth spending a stamp on I don’t really want to meet her, I generally send an email rather than the “conventional” kiss first. I’ve been receiving about 50% response rate, even if the answer is often “thanks but no thanks” (makes you wonder about the courtesy of the other 50%, but that’s life).

A few weeks ago I added the following note to my profile “I will try to be diplomatic, but several unfortunate experiences have prompted me to add that if your profile photo is undated, years old and doesn’t give a REASONABLE indication of the way you look now (its fine if you have aged gracefully!) please don’t bother to respond to my contact…” Since then, not ONE response - from anyone!

I don’t need to go into detail about what prompted the note, but I currently have a 160k round trip just to meet a lady in Adelaide for a coffee, so perhaps feel more strongly about misleading info than others!

Anyway, back to the note. How much more diplomatic can I be? Are even ladies who are honestly representing themselves finding my comment insulting, or is it just coincidence? Any comments? Ladies thoughts most welcome!

Posted by: victor35 at July 11, 2008 12:58 PM

What RSVP needs is a filter in our profiles that rejects men over or under a certain age from sending a kiss to you. I know of another dating site that does this, so it is technically possible. It works only if the person chooses it. It's not for everyone of course.

cindereller at July 8, 2008 5:16 PM - I totally agree with you. It's not only the lying that men do, it is also omitting very important facts about themselves on their profile that also annoys me. I heard of one guy who writes on his profile he's "alone" after his relationship breakup. You'd assume by this, he meant he was living by himself. Wrong! On the first email to my friend he revealed that he's still living with his 'ex' partner... What a waste of a stamp!!!

Posted by: lovemuzik at July 9, 2008 11:07 AM

What to do if u have a bad experience with someone u dated. Many men ( i guess women too) lie so badly and portray themselves as someone they are not. There is no way for us genuine people to warn others to steer clear of a these loathsome types before they move on to their next victim.

Posted by: cindereller at July 8, 2008 5:16 PM

Also .. please define "Chemistry" ?
Posted by: waternymph47 at July 8, 2008 10:14 AM

Basically the man met you in person and discovered he had no sexual attraction to you at all - in other words he would not want to have sex with you

It may be something you said - it may be how you look in person - it may be something as simple as the tone of your voice but something about you turned him off.

Dont feel bad about it - it happens, I was once about to get all friendly with a woman in the bedroom - she disrobed and I saw she had a few tattoos --- basically this killed any ardor I had instantly as I dislike tattoos.

So there you have it -- many men are not as many women think they are. Not all men will have sex with any female and sex is not all they think about.

Some set standards and would rather go without than break those standards.

Posted by: yaahmulegiddyup at July 8, 2008 11:43 AM

How do you define the meaning of the words " Scarey" as applied to what most people might see as a perfectly nice and ordinary woman? Had this leveled at me with no real explanation from guys I was simply befriending or being polite to .. but no real clarity despite me asking them to "Please Explain ??!! Is it just a cheap fob off ??

Also .. please define "Chemistry" ?
Ive been in the situation where I regularly chatted to a guy in a chat room for months then emailed for weeks , then chatted on the phone for a couple weeks more, before meeting at his request.
I was not the least bit nervous as we were always on the same wave length and in fact when we met the conversation flowed as we went from coffee to lunch and chatted happily for hours. Once we parted company, with a brief hug/peck on the cheek I walked home to find that (as he'd driven home) as soon as I turned my PC on, there waiting for me was an email to say he "no longer wished to communicate as there was No Chemistry!"
I was amazed and emailed back to say as much. At first he wanted to disconnect entirely and then because I convinced him that I'd miss our excellent communication .. he has ever since continued to be an email friend .. real emails not just forwarding stuff! I didnt continue to press him for an explanation but I rather suspect he does not want another relationship with any woman as the only female living with him is a small 4 legged one he spoils rotten. He has not the courage of his convictions in other words. He admitted to taking a few trips interstate after me .. mainly for a brief liasion .. but still continues on alone .. and tho I havent looked for his profile .. may still be on RSVP (must look). Which leads to a 3rd question ..How many guys are on RSVP looking for brief flings while stating on their profile they want "A partner for the long Term!" ..? Do any of these guys seriously mean to start a relationship with friendship first? or do they use the 'test bed' to decide if she is a keeper??

Posted by: waternymph47 at July 8, 2008 10:14 AM

"What have you discovered about yourself since joining RSVP".
I have discovered that I am not quite as tolerant as I thought I was as I have met quite a few people outside my usual comfort zone.

Posted by: iaminperth at July 8, 2008 9:22 AM

What does all the secret code in profiles mean?

Lots of men on RSVP talk about women who "look after themselves" on their profiles. Does that mean they don't want to meet anyone who needs a full time carer? Incontinence is OK, but only if they can clean up after themselves?

Can someone tell me what "looking after oneself" means?

Posted by: curlyq at June 28, 2008 10:04 PM

Well I will attempt to from a male perspective.

What I believe these men are saying is that they DO NOT want a woman that has become a "frump" this applies more to women that are over 30 have children possibly divorced.

Possibly the observation by men in the western hemisphere that women once married and have kids chop of the hair/start wearing terry towling tracksuits/put on a copious amount of weight to put it short they morph into something less feminine looking and become more masculine looking.

After having spent a lot of time in eastern Europe I can assure you that women there ALWAYS look feminine ( they will never leave the house before they dress to the nines - even for a trip to the corner store) - in fact the more mature they are the more feminine they look ( they have to due to the female/male ratio or they will find themselves not being able to attract the attentions of a man) where as here the opposite seems to happen

Posted by: yaahmulegiddyup at July 8, 2008 9:12 AM

Should all registrants on this site disclose all DVOs and AVOs against them, and all assault charges.

Highly pertinent don't you think?

Posted by: deathchronicles at July 8, 2008 7:52 AM

Why stop there - why not include credit rating/history, medical history, employment history, tax records

in for a penny in for a pound if you believe that a persons private history should be revealed.

Your suggestion is akin to the VAWA in USSA ( United Socialist States of America) where any man that may consider corresponding internationally via a introductions web site MUST disclose all information about himself first.

The more you force people to reveal their private life and history the more you are living in a police state.

Posted by: yaahmulegiddyup at July 8, 2008 9:04 AM

Should all registrants on this site disclose all DVOs and AVOs against them, and all assault charges.

Highly pertinent don't you think?

Posted by: deathchronicles at July 8, 2008 7:52 AM

"How do you cope with the differences in your new found relationship?" is my idea for a blog. Everyone wants to find someone with similar interests, but it's impossible to find someone who likes and hates everything you like and hate and believes and disbelieves everything you believe and disbelieve.

Should we compromise on issues of religion or politics? What if you believe in talking to psychics to get in touch with your deceased loved ones and he doesn't? Should you split up because you believe psychics are real and exist and the other doesn't think they really exist?

I think it would be interesting to read what differences people would be willing to tolerate or NOT tolerate.

Posted by: lovemuzik at July 4, 2008 9:10 AM

How about a blog where people can discuss "How to adapt for the instant family"

It may scare some people off dating single parents, but it may also alleviate some fears that people have about dating single parents

Posted by: good4laugh at June 29, 2008 12:30 AM

What does all the secret code in profiles mean?

Lots of men on RSVP talk about women who "look after themselves" on their profiles. Does that mean they don't want to meet anyone who needs a full time carer? Incontinence is OK, but only if they can clean up after themselves?

Can someone tell me what "looking after oneself" means?

Posted by: curlyq at June 28, 2008 10:04 PM

mmmmmmm!! snack size blog....I like it....next!!

Posted by: spanky668 at June 16, 2008 9:06 PM

Is it just me or is it really difficult to write about yourself.I am a literate, educated and reasonably intelligent, for a male anyway,but when i try to write about myself I go blank.

Posted by: animallover6 at June 16, 2008 7:40 PM

how about just ANY new topic so maybe we could hear from someone other than the blog hoggers all the time!!??

Posted by: kisskat at June 16, 2008 5:42 AM

Thanks Spanky and Lynda, I guess I should have worked that out, lol. NW - I really feel for you. Not sure what I would have done but I think you reacted very well in the circumstances.

Posted by: willow29 at June 13, 2008 1:43 PM

"What are your goals and plans for the future ? "
It would help if we had some idea what members plans were for the next 1yr, 3yr, 10yrs. If we share another's goals, or could help with advice or otherwise, members could communicate and later connect, in more useful ways than just commenting on a ensuing blog flame-war . Could lead to romance, or friendship as an outcome of their mutual interests.

And a suggestion on how to improve the stamp service- i think buying a stamp so that you can send a email isn't really enticing - as emails are seen as a free service elsewhere . You really need to offer a member something more material for their money - so , i recommend that a person buy a 'e-card' - something with a nice picture and a well written sentiment - that the member could add some lines of their own to - just like a normal paper card.
Thats much nicer, i think.
We are used to paying for cards...because we understand theres effort involved in making the card .
You get the idea...

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at June 13, 2008 10:00 AM

Good Sense of Humour willow
Lynda

Posted by: eleganteloquent at June 12, 2008 7:05 PM

Posted by: jenniferhi at June 11, 2008 7:25 PM .....Jen, are your sure....Hope not, cause I actually loved the film....does that mean there are a lot of randy people finding themselves in cinemas with film buffs, or people who love cinema being hit on overtly for a "quicky".....lucky for me I haven't had to have this awkward little conversation yet!!!.....Willow29 GSOH is Gin Soaked Old Hasbeen......or Good Sense Of Humour, I forget which

Posted by: spanky668 at June 12, 2008 6:17 PM

OMG Jen, thanks for that information. I had no idea - I really liked the film! Any other code words I should know about? lol. Speaking of codes, what is GSOH that I keep seeing?
Thanks again! *going off to change my profile!*

Posted by: willow29 at June 12, 2008 9:23 AM

Touche Jewels, I am not a about to give up anything either, have worked too hard and too long and still working and I certainly intend to enjoy my retirement years.

Posted by: iaminperth at June 11, 2008 11:17 PM

thank you every-one ..I appreciate your support and comments..sometimes you do wonder if your making a mountain out of a molehill..

warm wishes

nw x

Posted by: naturalwoman08 at June 11, 2008 10:34 PM

iaminperth..you are funny..where do you get the idea I need to get over it..it was five minutes of my life..

I don't have anything to get over.. it was five minutes of my life.. I'm not traumatised by it..it was an experience .. interesting to learn from but unexpected.. and I think worth sharing with the rsvp community..we are here to learn off each other..and if you think that's called whingeing..that's your prerogative..

in hindsight there are many things that I could have said or done..but I did what came to me naturally at the time and that was just graciously accepting the handshakes of the women.. and away from the group quietly told him how I felt about what had just happened..he didn't see it the way I did..as I said he was perfectly fine after that..anyway..it was just a story about the day in the life of our lives..it wasn't all that terribly serious..just embarassing.. it's ok perth :)

nw

Posted by: naturalwoman08 at June 11, 2008 9:52 PM

Nice junebaby57. We worked hard to get stuff and so can appreciate a guy who did the same, and show we have the ability to cherish the partnership's shared financial care and growth as well. Nicely put.
Lynda

Posted by: eleganteloquent at June 11, 2008 9:23 PM

hi jen, thanks for that..great advice..especially with re: to timing. We were going to meet one on one before the 'big' night but unfortunately I was ill with a gastric bug and couldn't. I was reasonably ok with that, thought it would be fine, had mutual 'friends' and similar industry related backgrounds. If nothing else knew we'd have a lot in common and all should be good!! At least I'm glad you felt similar to me. It seems standard today for people to behave like stand up comedians but that wasn't funny, and thanks for the tip re Schoolfriends but unfortunately I went to an all girls school and missed out on high school attractions, puppy love and all that wonderful crazy stuff! Made up for it later though:)
cheers jen..nw x

Posted by: naturalwoman08 at June 11, 2008 9:13 PM

naturalwoman08

What a baptisim of fire! How horrible....

Luckily all of we the men aren't like that...

So good luck finding much better specimins of the males of the species :-)

Posted by: creativestuart at June 11, 2008 8:52 PM

Hi naturalwoman08, thank you sooo much for your words of support. You are lovely! I am also posting on 'Define the word relationship' and these two blogs seem very similar!
Guys are all different (thank god!). Basically, your guy was a shallow, dim-witted a*hole who demonstrated to all those women present that he is to be avoided at all costs! You are sooo brave to have gone through that. Next time will be better...there are horrors from so many on rsvp, men and women, but there are also some gorgeous people, some absolute treasures, and so often they become friends. Lovely!!
rsvp is the best there is around, as far as I can see, for all its difficulties. I would be totally stuck without it, having tried a dating agency and a dining agency - waste of time compared to rsvp.
It gets better, it really does, just stay relaxed as much as you can. Remember that the poor guy is usually terrified as well... and maybe choose a much more neutral meeting place like a friendly coffee bar - you can say no to any of his suggestions and suggest others, and the chances are he will be impressed it you do as you are showing both self-caring and initiative... go for it girl!!!
Lynda

Posted by: eleganteloquent at June 11, 2008 8:49 PM

just a note, the matchmaking show is on foxtel.

Re the finances, love is a wonderful thing, so is sharing...but it has to be equal, as I am not a charity!!!!! So I expect the "one " to be equal or better than me in the finance and property area. I have worked, full time, since my teenager was 6 months old, (did not get maintainence, ever) and I am comfortable. I expect equal in a partner. Its not a hard one to work out.....just has to be equal!!! Have a lovely evening all...jewels

Posted by: junebaby57 at June 11, 2008 8:19 PM

Natural, Don't understand. When he bellowed that out, why didn't you just say something like "I'm so sorry I think I must be in the wrong place" and just walk back out the door. Why would you want to spend the evening with a person like that with the potential to get to know that person. Just leave, you copped a dud for whatever reason and posting it on the internet as a heading makes you look like a real whinger. Get over it, move on, you met a drip, that's what happens sometimes. Next time get to know the person better thru e-mail or coffee or whatever and don't put yourself in that position.

Posted by: iaminperth at June 11, 2008 8:09 PM

Posted by: naturalwoman08 at June 11, 2008 5:21 PM

Thanks for that post. Never had a 'first' in that type of group situation and don't think I would have used that comment on introduction, but now will be vigilant NOT to if ever in that situation.

Posted by: ynotalice at June 11, 2008 7:45 PM

naturalwoman08 - Goodness, what an introduction to first dating. Would have been a no-way from me. Think you have to meet one-on-one for a first time meeting. A coffee at 11.00 is good. Can lead on to lunch if it's going well. And maybe even longer. Congrats on getting through that. You must have great self-confidence I think. And re your next comment, yes, you are right about the teens. What fun it was. I agree. The memories are fun to look back on though. And remember the guys you had crushes on. Tell you what, Schoolfriends.com is good for looking up old school buddies. Seeing what they are up to now, etc. Oh, and guys if you are not listed, can be a good idea to lodge your profile there. People like to see where their schoolfriends are travelling in life these days. And can also lead to contacts again.
Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at June 11, 2008 7:38 PM

Hi Willow - Yes, is amazing what you learn on the blogs. Shawshank is commonly known around the site as code for wanting casual sex. Of course, there are lots who would innocently have it listed as a favourite film. But seems to me it is becoming more and more widespread as its code meaning.
And perhaps that's good to know!
Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at June 11, 2008 7:25 PM

eleganteloquent.
I do feel for you..have just posted an experience about my new brush in the dating game..it seems that for all our wordly knowledge and life experiences somehow affairs of the heart remain a mystery, and no..it wasn't like this in our teens..because we didn't know what we wanted then, but now we do and therein lies the dilemma. We had nothing to lose either in our teens and twenties, just ran with our free spirits on gangly legs unaware of what was around the next corner and not caring. Priorities were different..
aaaahh..those were the days :)
nw x

Posted by: naturalwoman08 at June 11, 2008 6:02 PM

Hi everyone..good..bad..or indifferent I have formally been initiated into the world of rsvp! :) ..you gotta laugh!
curious to know what people think of this experience..Also..possibly a good blog topic. �What was your best/worst first time introductions/ experiences/ disasters you have had on rsvp? (or.how to take the wind out of your sails)
I had my first ever rsvp date the other night..you can imagine what that felt like..first night jitters..foot and mouth disease for some.. either intentional or not..as will be revealed..anyway..it was arranged that we meet for dinner.. not an intimate dinner for two..this was for 200-300 people..and the person I was meeting was personally involved with organizing this wine and food event.. also, we had discovered that we had mutual friends. All was going well until...
I arrive at the restaurant. I spot him immediately reassuring) standing with a large group of people sipping pre-dinner bubbly. All very jolly, la de dah... As I approach him with all the dignity I can muster (sorry rsvp but it felt like I had rsvp written all over me), he acknowledges me. Off to a good start. I look up at him (reassuringly), lovely big warm smile, waiting in anticipation for mutual warm smile only to hear him bellow out, and I mean bellow out, DON'T KNOW, NEVER MET HER BEFORE and then smiled. I could hear polite titters and mumblings. Suddenly the floor looked really interesting. I was hoping a hole would materialize immediately so I could silently and quickly disappear. Two of the women (bless their achey hearts) very quickly shook my hands and introduced themselves (there was no time for awkward pauses, what was needed was positive reinforcement) executed with cowered heads and compassion. Their eyes said it all/ After we exchanged supportive gestures and names, I picked my jaw off the floor and bid a hasty retreat. Not out the door but towards the champagne and tried swallowing some bubbles along with my gutted pride. The irony was, it was his champagne!
He didn't seem bothered by what he said or how I felt, just said he was being honest, and this is the point dear bloggers, here I begin to question how honest do you have to be before you overstep the line into boorish insensitivity? Or is that too strong? Am I overreacting? But I was embarrassed. Maybe it was my inner child. I know that I would never do such a thing, even though I do have a playful personality. I can take and give witty and playful jibing with the best of them at the appropriate time. I don't think this was one of them. Please what is wrong with a bit of discretion the very first time?. Maybe I should omit the word "irreverent" from "ideal" partner traits... lol

anyway.. beneath all that portentous fa�ade I�m sure he is a really �nice� person..pleased to say the rest of the night passed without incident..and was most enjoyable..well..that�s ofcourse if you don�t count the times he asked me if I thought certain women he noticed were politicians and proceeded to chat to one (who wasn�t) for an awfully long time...oh yeah..I felt really special...you have to laugh..

moral to this story ..just please be careful ..at some unconscious level the wrong choice of words could ultimately set a precedent for the remainder of the date to collapse before it has had a chance to get off the ground..and possibly ruin the chances of it being a positive experience..

anyway..just thought I'd share this with you..interested to know what some of your thoughts may be..how would you have responded if you were in similar circumstances..and gentle men..what do you think? appropriate introduction or not?

cheers to you all..nw x

Posted by: naturalwoman08 at June 11, 2008 5:21 PM

Thanks for your comments woodnwine, and for your feedback which you will see I agree with - and I had three kids, reared them whilst studying, working and divorcing their father, for which I got zilch financially from him but his mistress got it all... and I am not bitter either (believe it or not) just observing...
Regarding the talking and listening...yes... usually dinners go for about 4 plus hours...and then the guys rarely call me again and have actually told me I am intimidating because I am intelligent and have achieved much... and I have tried to say virtually nothing about me and just listen but this still creeps through...the scarey thing is that it is my profession to listen and empathise and I do this very well, so know I have the 'basic skills'. Could it be that I am just constantly mis-matched??
Ah well, we all have stories, I am sure...got to keep smiling!
I'll probably be writing in these blogs about getting it wrong when I'm leaning on my zimmer frame, signing the forms for my nurse to collect my pension... LOL
Lynda

Posted by: eleganteloquent at June 11, 2008 4:10 PM

One other thing on finances and the sexes...the women I know in my age bracket have the income, etc, and the men I meet don't. I wonder how much it is a fallacy that men are the money people and women are not, in terms of have and have nots, especially in the 50 something bracket... as for women not paying for sex, not true, again I know of some that do, considering it safer all round. Sex is the easy bit, it is finding honest, caring love that matters, and that is the hard bit. I see my financial situation as a drain on the love stakes as much as a plus, guys tell me they find me "scarey" and I have listened to other professional women saying similar. The truth seems to be that professional men feel entitled to 'buy' their partner, so 'shop' in the younger age bracket, whilst lots of women with assets don't want a trophy but a man who can win their hearts AND give them a sense of security - I am asking myself why I bother with all of this, even as I am writing...I am sure it wasn't this hard in my teens!!! But still trundling on, still looking, still trying to learn more and more about this dating game.
I could kill my late husband for having died and left me in this mess! (dark humour, I am laughing,LOL, he would too).
Lynda

Posted by: eleganteloquent at June 11, 2008 4:01 PM

jenniferhi
Sorry, been away for a bit and just read your comment re Shawshank Redemption. Are you saying it has another meaning? (other than a film title?) It was a good film but if it has a sleazy connotation, let me know and I'll take it out of my profile - eep!
It seems like some sort of rating system is a popular thread - and although it could be abused by people who just didnt have a good time, there could be a simple rating that doesnt take personal preferences into account. Not quite "potential axe-murder", "definately not an axe-murderer" but something that conveys a beware message if need be.

Posted by: willow29 at June 11, 2008 4:01 PM

Hi Jen, Thanks for your comments re the finance. Watch out regarding the law and assets. In Queensland, the new law is that cohabitation only needs to be shown for one year and the partner can leave and demand 50% of everything, including super, bank acocunts, home, car, contents, and pre-nupts carry no legal weight in this state either. I had a guy earning $150k pa who looked like he had a house, etc. After four months we got engaged, I lost my heart deeply, then he declared how bad his debt situation was and that he thought the 'best' solution was for me to sell my home (worth quite a lot) and put the capital into paying his (100%) mortgage off, so we could live there and my income could go to do his place up, along with any surplus capital from my home being sold. It was an almighty shock and sorry, but it ain't love to weave a pretense until the heart is snared, then use emotional blackmail to try and get assets, super, everything worked for over decades, then on his merry way I suspect..leaving him was horribly tough, but I now know was the right thing to do. I don't want a repetition of that, and am very wary regarding financial status - some guys get highly abusive (verbally) when the topic goes that way. If rsvp gave me some indication of comparisons, at least I would have the choices upfront, and less verbal abuse from guys who feel angry because they have lost so much in their marriage breakdowns. Just sharing my paranoia...but I have given up much in life to get what I have and it seems that guys who have good financial situations expect heaps of women, yet women are expected to just give it all up for love. That has been my experience with rsvp guys. I don't put "Executive" and "Financially secure" on my profile because of this, though I have had interactions with some horror story guys who do, using it as bait more than anything...it's a pity that names can't be mentioned on here, though I do appreciate why! Lynda

Posted by: eleganteloquent at June 11, 2008 3:34 PM

sorry i forgot to mention....that the show is filmed in england with english participants but incorporating the traditional indian style of matchmaking...

Posted by: cutesmile52 at June 11, 2008 2:29 PM

"When men and women agree, it is only in their conclusions; their reasons are always different."

There are some fundamental differences between men and women, and their views on love and money so no wonder the two things most couples fight about is sex, and money.

for example,

"Sex is like money; only too much is enough"
Women see money as a matter of security.
Men see money as a tool for freedom.

"You can't buy 'love', but it is for rent"
Most men are quite prepared to pay for sex.
Women aren't.

Vive la difference

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at June 11, 2008 2:02 PM

i grew up in india .....they have made a matchmaking show but incorporating the indian traditional way...its on tuesdays on lifestyle and its called "arrange me a marriage" i can totally relate to where the matchmaker is coming from...its what we are all talking about on here....

Posted by: cutesmile52 at June 11, 2008 1:18 PM

Being cyber stalked by someone on RSVP? Their profile keep cropping up in the Last Member to Recently View You? Here's a quick and simple solution that doesn't require you to have had a contact history - add them to Favorites and from there you can Block them.

Posted by: martyh56 at June 7, 2008 11:19 PM

thank you so much for that information..I've put it to good use already! ..I know this sounds naive but why do they keep doing it I wonder?

cheers nw

Posted by: naturalwoman08 at June 11, 2008 1:05 PM

Jodes75 A slightly more serious and less rambling answer....I think we are social creatures, and we have a materialistic drive, but even this is centred around primal instinct...not unlike nesting...to attract a mate...I think it is hardwired into our psyches and revolves around millennia of evolution....to want (not need) a partner with whom you connect in a personal and deep way is a normal and healthy desire...it is also ingrained in the religious and social indoctrination that our (at least western) society is founded on......our laws and upbringing all tell us that there is to be one person who we commit to....and this is reinforced through books, TV, songs and movies......of course these things reflect what we as a society value, and there starts the chicken or the egg arguement......I don't know what the answer is, but like you am interested in what others think....again, we are social creatures after all.........the truth is out there....could it also be partly due to the affirmation we get knowing someone else sees the value in us, and chooses to spend time with us...??? a thought

Posted by: spanky668 at June 11, 2008 12:29 PM

eleganteloquent - 10.36am. Financial status at this time of life is a biggie. And it certainly does create issues. You'd like to think love transcends all, but does it?

Hmmm, I don't know. Do we only deserve to attract someone into our lives who is perhaps on a par financially as we are. Certainly makes things a lot easier. Yes? Actually have made a great friend via this site and we have discussed what a shame we didn't connect romantically, as on so many levels we matched wonderfully, and financially we sat about the same. Would have made things so easy. lol.

But then what's wrong with someone very financial sharing what they have with a new love? Isn't that what love's about? Giving and sharing.

In most cases the situation will be in reverse to how you have described. ie. the male being the successful one. (After all it is usually the woman who has been out of the workforce, raising the children and is the one who has lost the most salary wise).

I do know what you mean though, and don't really know the answers. But I do know, no guy will step into my life for a year or two and think he has a claim on my home. The home my ex and I worked long and hard for.
Have heard stories (via these blogs even) about people losing their homes to relationships lasting a year or so. What sort of justice is that. Methinks pre-nups are definitely the go. lol.

I don't think we need income details on the site. Open to abuse anyway, just like everything else on a profile. It's meeting and connecting with someone, and then getting into the comfortable stuff discussion wise I think.

RSVP - Thankyou. Don't know what you did, but you have definitely fixed the log-in process for the blogs. I was one of the ones who had heaps of probs too. 5 and 6 times trying to log-in. Half the time giving up. So thanks.

Beautiful day in the Yarra Valley. Hope everyone is enjoying their day.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at June 11, 2008 12:04 PM

elegantandeloquent - I am not laughing at you but laughing at what you say because exactly the same things happen to men. I've met women who are obviously overweight but describe themselves as average or athletic because these days overweight is (apparently) the norm. I've also met women in their late 40s who have nothing to show for years of work (financially) and have to wonder what they've done with all the money they've earned .... some of whom had no children.

Regarding your previous question about moving beyond initial dating .... I believe that comes down to communication and just talking to the other person and asking questions.

Posted by: woodnwine at June 11, 2008 11:21 AM

I've been down reading this new blog, now, so wanted to make a comment on the preferences and selection from common values...yes, keeping fit is a frame of mind and does tend to indicate whether two people could do similar things, such as actually do some real walking together! So I agree with woodnwine and the follow ups on that. Though I have had dates with sooo many guys whose photos are old or in shadow and they describe themselves as 'Average' and they are really very overweight. One guy even said to me "Most men are overweight now, so this is average". Go figure! (sorry about that pun). What is missing from this site is something that allows more of a matching on other things, and can avoid unnecessary emabarassment, and I am talking about finance. I am about to turn 56 and have been a career woman all my life so have good income, super and assets. At my time of life, settling down with someone makes the financial matching really matter. Yet, so many guys in my age bracket have little or nothing because their previous wives "took it all" and they expect me to carry them for the remainder of their lives. I don't, and I won't. On another dating site, the ballpark figure on income is given, eg, $50-$100,000 pa, which only deals with income but does do a fair bit of sorting out. As income = quality of life, and at this stage of life = the future then surely this is as worthy of consideration as body size?
It puzzles me that something so vital gets so little attention.
I would love to hear other people's views on this so that I might feel less isolated.
Lynda

Posted by: eleganteloquent at June 11, 2008 10:36 AM

Idea for a blog:
Getting beyond coffee and off the rsvp merry-go-round
Basically, it is too easy to get so involved with first dating from rsvp that it becomes hard to know how to progress further, into a relationship that is a bit more challenging and has the potential to grow. So how to move from just attracting that first date to working through the next repeat dates and onwards. What to suggest beyond coffee and lunches/dinners, when to suggest things that may be perceived as too intimate or personal (such as invites to things with friends, etc). Just how to move past first base in the dating game (but that sounds too sexual).
Anyone interested in this???
Lynda

Posted by: eleganteloquent at June 11, 2008 10:14 AM

Hi Riversong... Never said I was happy being single. Just thought I'd ask the question of everyone that came up in my convo on the weekend because I didn't have an answer for myself and was curious as to what other singles thought. Yeah I think I have a great life but still feel that want for a man in my life and I can't explain it.

I could just accept it as part of the human condition but i think asking questions and listening to peoples opinions is interesting whether you agree with them or not.
Cheers Jodes

Posted by: jodes75 at June 11, 2008 9:57 AM

Yes Eral, I have to agree!
I've never been able to find this mysterious "edit" button, that everyone seems to talk about, much less a "find next" option!

Posted by: amberlight58 at June 11, 2008 8:35 AM

Posted by: riversong01 at June 10, 2008 8:16 PM

ohh?, how exciting, a critic ; )

No, lets paraphrase Salinger;
" You can't ever find a place that's nice and peaceful, because there isn't any. You may think there is, but once you get there, when you're not looking, somebody'll sneak up and write "Fu*k you" right under your nose.”

"I don't exactly know what i mean by that, but I mean it."

he he he ....

Ok - well it appears my membership (windowbrowser) doesn't have the 'edit' feature (typical) enabled....at least not that i can see right now .

Wheres it hiding/supposed to be ? TIA.
:~D

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at June 11, 2008 12:11 AM

greentea...i think we have been dating the same guy! i told the "talker" that he hadnt let me speak in a whole hour...and he got up and walked away!

Posted by: cutesmile52 at June 11, 2008 12:07 AM

Jodie, there�s a difference between someone needing someone to �make them whole�, and wanting someone to share your two (whole) selves with. It�s not much fun having sex alone, sleeping solo, nor talking to oneself. Friends are great, but don�t get to the same deeper levels of intimacy that a partner does. It�s not all about social conditioning, though yep, there IS a lot of romantic delusion going on.

Love, without freedom, is a jail (cell mates). But freedom, without love, is also missing something that is not possible to experience alone. I think the trick is to balance the two: being yourself, your real self, and having someone to share it.

I�ll play devil�s advocate as well: silly question, but if you are so happy being single, why are you on a dating site? :)

Posted by: riversong01 at June 10, 2008 11:41 PM

Riversong June 10 8:16pm I hope you don't hold "Spanky" in that class...though if so, I hope to achieve differentiation, curiosity and hopefully a sense of the playful............as a post script to "to thine own self be true", it is much older than Salinger, it is from a poem by Shakespeare, and is well worth reading.....I like the line "Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice;
Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgement."....apt in this day and age.................Jodes75 the penguins greatfully accept your apologies, and look forward to catching up at Christmas....no harm no foul (well maybe a turkey or guiness....ok terrible joke but that's me)....yes, yes, yes, and yes....fairy tales are evil things full of a one size fits all approach to happiness....Snow white left the shorter, fringe crowd for the rich good looking guy....??? but.... (oh by the way the devil also thanks you. He feels he has been much maligned of late, and is thinking of sacking his PR spokes person, and wishes others would be more open, to at least hearing him out)..........I think that it comes down to living to your own expectations, and sod the rest.....to steal yet another line from a film I will not willingly name "I'd rather be alone for the right reasons, than with someone for the wrong".......lucky I crack myself up huh!.....cheers, I think that is more than enough from the addled mind of Spanky for one night, so Adieu for now....

Posted by: spanky668 at June 10, 2008 11:28 PM

Yep greenteawithmango - completely agree! That would make a good blog topic: Unrealistic Expectations or " why does a fat, bald, ugly old loser think that a lovely luscious young buxom nymph will want to go out with him?" Don't they have mirrors (or perhaps their eyesight's failing)?
And if it's true the ages men on this site state - my, what terribly hard lives they must have had to look that way!!! Some I see still on here from when I was last time - magically their age has gone DOWN, not UP!

Hey fellas: WAKE UP!

Yep, greenteawithmango, kissing too many frogs is definitely not good for self-esteem if one was to take it personally! Best treat it as a “learning experience” ;)

Creativestuart - yep, I see a lot of lovely ladies in here, but I'm not so sure about the guys!

No, not cynical, just observant ;)

Posted by: riversong01 at June 10, 2008 11:01 PM

BTW... I know I'm sounding like a 4 year old...... But whyyyyy?

Posted by: jodes75 at June 10, 2008 10:58 PM

OK so I'm guilty of generalising and offer apologies to the penguins!! :) Yep some people are happy in their relationship and want to ensure that you, their friend are happy too. But why do they assume that you mustn't be happy because you are single? And how many people do you know of that really aren't happy in their relationship but would rather stay in it because it's better than being single? Do you not share you intimate feelings with your best bud (that your not sleeping with) or do you hold some stuff back? Do chicks share more intimate feelings/ thoughts with friends than guys do? We gather in social groups but still feel the need to have that one person that is special.... so is it all just a matter of how our brains have evolved or does Cinderella and other fairytales/TV shows over the ages have a lot to answer for conditioning us to believe that we must have that special someone or we are missing out in life? Should we make a conscious effort not to have little girls dreaming of being a princess and having her brave knight on a white horse showing up ... little boys shouldn't cry and they must be brave etc etc...so that they don't feel like something is wrong with them if god forbid they are single, childless and in their 30's. (And don't get me started on the baby bonus or single tax payers coughing up their hard earned dough to pay for someone else choice to have a child!!!) It's now acceptable to get divorced where in the past it wasn't, so does than mean in another 50 years we'll all be happy being single as long as we lead a fulfilling life? Yep... full of questions and no answers but I'm playing devils advocate here... well maybe

Jodes

Posted by: jodes75 at June 10, 2008 10:53 PM

Hi Jodes75 10 June 8:49pm Why wait for the possible topic....Penguins mate for life and they're pretty social little scamps.......but I do get your drift....I think there is a social pressure for us to find partners, I think part of it though is friends that want to set you up...not because they think you are unhappy, but because they are so happy in their relationship that they want you to share that "feeling"....many of the great stories centre around the finding of love, it seems to have a deep cultural significance historically.....I also think there is an inherent desire (though not in everyone, but a lot of people) to be able to share the deeper, more personal connection with someone....we are taught from a young age that there are certain things we should keep to ourselves, and these are often the things that we are able to share in an intimate relationship...give voice to them......to be able to have someone, who without judgement, shares in your ups and downs... it's nice......though having this does not (in my humble opinion) make, or diminish, who we are......just compliments it...hopefully

Posted by: spanky668 at June 10, 2008 9:54 PM

Cheers Spanky... don't want to reheat old soup on the causal relationships side of things. I think we can all agree to dissagree on that one. But why do we search? Or why to people (or society) think when someones single in their 40's that it's sad and geez they must be lonely!?! It was a discussion with my only single girlfriend yesterday after going on another first date. We both have great friends and family, careers, homes. Then came the conversation that we are independant, like our own space and could we actually see someone being part of our lives? How would that work, would we be the ones making all the compromises to have that relationship? Where does the pressure come from or why do we feel the pressure.... so anyway as you can imagine the conversation went for quite a while and neither of us came to a final conclusion so I couldn't resist putting it on the blogs.... now comes the waiting for it to be a topic and resisting just adding it to an existing one!

Jodie

Oh btw... i know that if a pair of animals mate for life the are no longer solitary, they are in fact a pair! But you get my drift!! :)

Posted by: jodes75 at June 10, 2008 8:49 PM

Eatsrootsandleaves: “to thy own self be true” doesn’t mean paraphrasing Salinger’s Catcher in the Rye ;)

If you want to search keywords in blogs or archives, try clicking “edit” “find next” :)

My idea for a blog topic is: what on earth people are some people trying to achieve with some of their wierd RSVP names!

Posted by: riversong01 at June 10, 2008 8:16 PM

Jodes75 8:34pm nice one, I reckon you might be onto something there...I don't imagine there are too many fence sitters with that topic.....I'll spare you my little rant till it comes up for a good whole hearted airing of issues.....till then...

Posted by: spanky668 at June 10, 2008 6:01 PM

My thoughts on a blog topic is..."Is it ok to be single or are we conditioned to think something is wrong with us if we are?" It may have been discussed in the past but i thought I'd put it out there. Everyone on here is searching for the one (or the second or third one!!), but why do we feel that we need to have a partner? Is it for children? Pack animals generally mate with the strongest dominant male in the group and animals that mate for life are generally solitary animals. So are we conditioned by society that we must have a partner to be normal and to feel fulfilled. Can we have a full happy life and have casual relationships? The answer may be yes in your 20's or 30's but is it still ok if your 40 or 50? Why do we search?

Cheers
Jodes

Posted by: jodes75 at June 9, 2008 8:34 PM

A blog that is on real time would help....a blog that doesn't keep saying you are signed in and then says you aren't.....a blog that actually listens to the contibutors.....I nag and I nag....I have yet to see any progress or compliance to what the bloggers/members request......this site is the worst of any I have ever been part of....and this is the only one I have paid money to partake in.....step up to the plate RSVP....give us some value/service for money....please stop me from being the biggest moaner/nag in internet history........prve me wrong....read this and act.......
B.

Posted by: bm1960 at June 9, 2008 6:22 PM

Posted by: spanky668 at June 9, 2008 1:14 PM
Good thinkin' 66.

Any chance we could search the blog archives - via keyword or profilename ? ( to find a old comment, joke etc, and handy for a background check ...)

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at June 9, 2008 5:08 PM

Creativestuart, I am just going on my experiences. Ive met 9 men. One i had a relationship for 4 months. A lot of the others really liked me via email or whatever, like that guy i mentioned who had built me up in his head. Something you said though I agree with,. I think that it is a little unfair to right someone off after one meeting. There were some guys that I didnt like, or wasnt sure, but I would have agreed to meet them again, just to be sure. I think there is a lot of pressure to "pass" the first meeting, when I dont think either person could possibly be relaxed enough to be themselves.

One reaaally cocky guy I met really took the cake. When i first saw him for coffee I thought, well, Im not sure. Ok so we had coffee and for the whole hour I got about 6 minutes worth of conversation in, i am not kidding. So he Blabs on for the hour. After my second coffee, I went to the loo. In the loo, i was thinking, well, I hardly know this guy, maybe there could be something there, I would be willing to meet him again and go for a bikeride or something....

So I go back and sit down, and he says:

" Look I will be honest. There is no chemistry here, but if you want to talk online thats OK"

wwwhhhatt???????????????

I hardly got a chance to say anything to him the whole time and he says that?????

It was ridiculious, but yeah, its harsh out there.

Also , he was kind of assuming I liked him, when, I didnt know him, so how could I know???

LOL

Posted by: greenteawithmango at June 9, 2008 5:06 PM

greenteawithmango

Your comment is absolutely incorrect and gross assumptions like this one of yours that has many here single far longer than they should be!

People should use RSVP to spark an interest and then actually make a little time to meet, more than once, to find out who the person really is.

The unrealistic expectations and assumptions are being made by very many of both sexes and the result is quite sad really!

There are very many lovely people here who if they actually took the time to get to know each other might just find who and what they want!

Posted by: creativestuart at June 9, 2008 3:55 PM

greentea you have a great profile ....very positive...ive had a similar experience to you (but not on rsvp) and i can understand what you are saying... as im in the older age bracket i would say a lot of gentlemen my age are looking for a younger and skinnier model, so they skip past me and my profile or might reject it outright ...

Posted by: cutesmile52 at June 9, 2008 3:45 PM

greenteawithmango June 9 2:06pm I find the opposite with women on the site, that many seem to look at the profile and figure it is overstating, or not like the photo and move on.................I can not tell you how many times I have got a kiss and instead of replying sent them a kiss with the photo password, to give them the right of reply having now seen my photo.......silence...... tumbleweed.......this is also great for the self esteem......? now I just have the secondary photo visible...let the chips fall where they may................just floating this one, but could it be that you are shielding yourself going into the dates by preparing for disappointment (thinking they have built you up to be something you're not)....and not being the same relaxed open person you are on your profile...I may be way off the mark, but I have noticed that I sometimes hold back, wondering if/why the other person is interested in me and this can cause me to be self conscious, and obscure the very things they were interested in in the first place...??? just a thought, though I am certainly not a dating guru.

Posted by: spanky668 at June 9, 2008 3:31 PM

I think that the men on here, no matter how honest your profile is, still expect to meet a supermodel.

I have one of the most honest profiles on here, and i still come across this.

I met up with a guy last week, who, online seemed to think i was amazing. I knew that he had built me up in his head, and so after he asked me out heaps of times i eventually agreed, just to put an end to his fantasies.

In fact it wouldnt have mattered if i WAS a supermodel, i would never have matched up to what he imagined in his own head. I have an honest photo and an honest profile.

I am starting to think that a lot of the men on here have very unrealistic expectations about women and i am starting to think that internet dating is not good for the self esteem.

Posted by: greenteawithmango at June 9, 2008 2:06 PM

just throwing this out there, ....but... how about a perpetual open blog, no topic let the punters amuse themselves. Only show the 200 most recent posts or so, and then you don't have to worry about anyone being off topic....I guess sort of an open forum for chatting......just a thought

Posted by: spanky668 at June 9, 2008 1:14 PM

Hi i am hope 37 you can find true love if you let him seek you out what and he will come to you.

Here is my advise in the first month tell all the hard things and then give him the option of either staying or going that way you know if he is a keeper or a looser.

Posted by: hope37 at June 9, 2008 10:50 AM

Blog topic: little white lies - or big dark grey ones - I have told to my partner? And the consequences were ...?

Posted by: missrule at June 8, 2008 9:13 AM

Being cyber stalked by someone on RSVP? Their profile keep cropping up in the Last Member to Recently View You? Here's a quick and simple solution that doesn't require you to have had a contact history - add them to Favorites and from there you can Block them.

Posted by: martyh56 at June 7, 2008 11:19 PM

The Worse Way to Start a Relationship - Tell Lies !

Posted by: iaminperth at June 7, 2008 7:11 PM

Absolutely ridiculous to lie about age or anything else at first meeting. What then, well just want to tell you I lied about my age, but really my friends tell my I look like Brad Pitt except I'm 40 years older and 30kgs heavier - I mean really, get real!!!! What kind of friends must some of these people have, one says "my friends say I look like George Clooney" I would say get rid of your friends.

Posted by: iaminperth at June 7, 2008 7:10 PM

Hi Marty
No i don't lie about my age and i know lots of ladies on here that don't..it was discussed once on a blog topic.
To me, if someone lies about their age then what else are they going to lie about?? Also, how superficial to lie!!
:)

Posted by: sugarnspice67 at June 7, 2008 5:32 PM

Nope, martyh, you're not the only one - I was born in the same year as you, just haven't had the birthday yet! Not a lot of point in lying on that as so many other things, as you'll be found out sooner or later and then your partner will be totally justified in wondering what else you've been economical with ...
I often wonder about the honesty of people who claim they have a university degree but can't string a sentence together, let alone spell the simplest words correctly ("sence of humour" always gets my goat). Surely you need at least a basic standard of written English to get a degree?

Posted by: missrule at June 7, 2008 5:28 PM

I am getting a little tired of people having to say 'their real age is...' with an excuse like 'my friends did this for me' or 'it was an accident and I cannot change it'. One person excused their age discrepancy as 'everyone on RSVP does it therefore you end up with someone the right age anyway'. Is that person correct? Does everyone cheat about their age on RSVP and am I the only honest person on the site? BTW, thanks RSVP for the stamp on my birthday.

Posted by: martyh56 at June 7, 2008 4:51 PM

Lovemusic.
Have you not had that "warm golden glow from head to toe" usually if you have to ask that question you will not likely find the answer.
Cheers OG.

Posted by: oldergent at June 5, 2008 6:00 PM

Idea for a blog topic? How about: WHEN DO YOU KNOW YOU'VE CLICKED WITH SOMEONE?

My dictionary definition of the informal meaning of 'click': TO GO OR FIT TOGETHER WITH EASE. Example: they clicked from their first meeting.

Most of us write on our profiles: "Looking for someone I click with". I see it written all the time. Why not have a blog to discuss it?

For example, I've met guys in the past whom I felt we 'clicked' but later discovered the feeling wasn't mutual. A long time ago I married a man whom I 'clicked' with but we ended up divorcing. So what gives?

What is this 'clicking' everyone is talking about? How important is it? Can you have a happy relationship if you don't click? What about awkward pauses? If you click with someone, do you still have awkward pauses? Or is the definition of 'clicking' not include awkward pauses? I think I'd be interested to hear what other people say on this topic.

Posted by: lovemuzik at June 5, 2008 4:07 PM

Hmmm - WNW i sort of agree - not that i'de mind it myself, but that others might....

What if it was only allowed by people you have had email contact with ? Wouldn't that encourage genuine people to make contact, and to be pleasant when they did so? ( and hence increase their ratings)
And a search "by rating", should offer a higher chance of successful dates to those who are serious in their intentions.

From expereince, some people are much more interesting on dates and emails, than their profile would suggest, others are great at creating a profile, but less than they suggested, when we later meet them in person or chat.

A contact summary - even as flawed as it may be, would still be better than flying blind -imao.
Might help genuine members focus their time and money towards getting better results. Thats got to outweigh the negatives

well if its already been discussed....

cya
(probie)

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at June 5, 2008 12:41 PM

This was discussed before ERAL but people didn't like the idea of being rated by total strangers .... and rightly so, I believe.

Posted by: woodnwine at June 5, 2008 12:20 PM

Hello ER and L, Could be a rating something like e-bay - now let me see: Looks 8, personality 0, hygiene 5, something along those lines, or bonkable 4, bonkable 1, bonkable 2 and a little bit maybe or after a six pack, 10. lol

Posted by: iaminperth at June 5, 2008 11:59 AM

How about rating peoples profiles ?
If you've had a good experience , or bad you might like to warn other members of , there currently now way to do so - you can't leave comments , theres no star rating - nothing .
Its utterly a blind date!
You are asked by people for your picture, but you have no idea who you dealing with as many profiles are 'fakes'.

Posted by: eatsrootsandleaves at June 5, 2008 11:48 AM

Something I find strange on here is that when you are replying to kisses, the only immediate options are to send or await an email... For example if someone sends you a kiss requesting just to see your password protected photo, the only positive reply options (along with your password) are that you are awaiting or will send an email... With the earlier comments about people not replying to kisses, perhaps if there was a simple reply that just let you send the photo password and await for further contact by kiss if they are interested or are sending/awaiting an email, there would be more kiss replies...

Posted by: ganno86 at June 4, 2008 10:43 PM

I have an idea for a the powers that be to make it automatic that a reply must accompany a kiss. I have sent numerous kisses and have only had 2 reply. I do think it is common decency to reply if someone takes the time to send a kiss. I always reply if someone sends me one. Perhaps the window will stay open until the reply button has been clicked. Or it could include a message 'this computer will explode in ten minutes if reply button is not pressed' ?? Perhaps that wouldn't be a good idea, but what are others opinions on this.

Posted by: magiclady7 at June 4, 2008 4:13 PM

can you help me get my photo on this sites, iam not that good with computre, and thier is a lovely man what to see my photo. if you can help me that would be great thank you

Posted by: trenji at June 4, 2008 11:03 AM

Hey just back to last weeks little blog discussions on Karma - I have just noticed on home page under RSVP tips that they say "To make sure you reply to other members as it brings good Karma and also pushes you to the Top 100." Well how about that? The RSVP administrators endorse Karma. Lol!

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at June 3, 2008 6:48 PM

lovemuzik 5.02pm - Must admit, I thought the same thing, just wasn't game to say it I suppose. Well, since you have -great minds, and all that... lol.

Just wondering willow29 your specific reference to Shawshank - you do know what that can mean? Perhaps that could be why you are maybe attracting shall we say some of the sleazy element. Geez, did I say that out loud?

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at June 3, 2008 6:30 PM

Posted by: willow29 at June 3, 2008 2:18 PM

I just had a peek at your profile pictures and found one of you dressed as a pirate girl (?) holding a fake (?) sword?

I'm not trying to say this guy you met wasn't a total nutcase. Only suggesting that there might be a method to his madness...so to speak. In other words, if you didn't have that picture of the pirate girl with the sword, would he have shown you his hunting knife???? Maybe, maybe not.

One thing is certain, it was better to find out about his morbid interest in hunting knifes on the first date than in your honeymoon! This way, you don't have to see him again. The other way, you'd be sorta stuck with him.

Posted by: lovemuzik at June 3, 2008 5:02 PM

Why are the auto kiss messages here so lame?
e.g. what if your intersted in talking to a person but not necessarily think you would be suitable for a relationship.

They could add one like "Thinks you could be friends" or "Shares your interests" ... instead of the VERY LAME and desperately scarey sounding "Thinks you have a lot in common!", that just sounds creepy.

Or the "would love to see your photo"..... who could possibley "love to" anything that they dont know what they are about to see.. ? That's just paradoxically ignorant.

With regards to low response rates on emails, rsvp could add a %response rate.

Posted by: allrounder11 at June 3, 2008 4:26 PM

Willow29 - Sounds good - but would never work. Someone's nutcase could be someone's perfect partner. There is someone for everyone. Yes? But also, if someone's rating wasn't going to their liking, they would just cancel their profile and start a new one. Heaps do that anyway.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at June 3, 2008 3:46 PM

oops, sorry, I meant "put a face" to the comment.... :)

Posted by: willow29 at June 3, 2008 3:41 PM

Hi everyone. I admit to being an occasional reader of the blogs, but I usually skim over them and I haven't contributed because people have already mentioned something close to my opinion. I also admit to sometimes looking at the profile of writer to put a name to a comment. Today, however, I feel compelled to agree with burningforlove about the ebay type ratings. I have met some lovely men but also a couple of men that I would describe as manic. Not just manic, but manic without their medication! One showed me his hunting knife.... (with a 6 inch blade) perhaps thinking it was appropriate to show me on a first date.... (maybe that was the only 6" blade he had?) Anyway, it would be good to have some sort of "nut case warning system" !!

Posted by: willow29 at June 3, 2008 2:18 PM

raddy - yes, I'm sure others would like to hear your story and perhaps learn from it.

Posted by: woodnwine at June 3, 2008 2:16 PM

raddy1969. I'm so sorry to hear about this experience you have had. Please don't be disillusioned. I think it is still right to believe that the majority of people are good or have good intentions. Don't give up hope.

Do you think you could explain what happened in more detail, just so others can understand. I myself would like to know and RSVP should be open to us all knowing about certain things that are going on and that we should all be aware of.

Good luck in your search.

Jen

Posted by: jenniferhi at June 3, 2008 12:50 PM

I bet I am not the first nor last to be done by the scammers. How are they infiltrating the site. It appears that they are picked up, long after the damage has been done, as in my case. (The profile of person has been terminated due to breach of conditions). I never thought and never expected to get caught in the trap, thinking I was much more "switched on" than that, how wrong I was. It was all so convincing, especially when a second and third person also get involved too, to help make their story sound even more convincing. I will now make sure to never ever part with money again, and also make sure the people I talk to are locals and ones I can meet in person. I now wished I had read the signs right from the word go. Please people take note of this and dont get caught up in the scammers web as I have. Here I am, just ya normal everyday fella, looking for that someone special, only to be pounced and preyed upon by filthy disgusting scum bags !!!!!!

Posted by: raddy1969 at June 3, 2008 12:03 PM

Perhaps this complaint should not be a blog, but should rather be directed at the owners of RSVP. However, I suspect there may be others who share my dismay at some impending changes. I'm in the Sydney region and a lover of the RSVP dance parties, which, so rumour has it, are to be wound up. I've seen no official announcement - possibly I haven't looked hard enough - of this but it now seems to be the worst kept secret in town. If the rumour is false, then my apologies for wasting time.

But if the rumour is true, it defies understanding and I think it's outrageous. I can only imagine the decision has come from someone sufficiently removed from the scene as not to really care about the fact people who seriously enjoy those dance parties. I would have thought events like the Greenwood and AV8 were not only viable financially, but jewels in the crown of RSVP Sydney events.

If the rumour is true and if, as is my impression, no official announcement has been made, then RSVP could at least do its customers the courtesy of informing them rather than them having to rely on rumour.

Posted by: vannostrum at June 3, 2008 9:48 AM

Posted by: thenextmrsdarcy at June 1, 2008 4:36 PM - and your idea for a blog topic is .............

Posted by: woodnwine at June 2, 2008 3:21 PM

thenextmrsdarcy, to answer your question with regards to height of your partner. I'm five foot six so I'd obviously be considered quite short. However I've gone out with a girl who was five foot ten in her bare feet, she wore heels sometimes when we went out. It was never an issue for me or her, I've never lacked confidence so I was not intimidated by her height nor was I worried what other people might think. I don't have a particular height I go for but I've dated women taller and shorter than myself. I could see how some guys might have an issue with a girls height though. If you view my profile you'll notice that I have stated an "ideal" height, this is simply because from browsing the profiles any girl over this height states the minimum height to be taller than me, a generalisation I know but it also happens to be true in this case, it just saves me time for the searches.

Posted by: irishmark1978 at June 2, 2008 3:18 PM

what about having a vote on RSVP for the 'Best Smile' photo ? open to Guys and Gals ?

Posted by: articulatte at June 2, 2008 2:38 PM

Years ago I dated a guy who was the same height as I am - 5'8", except of course, when I wore high heels I stood 6'. He had a bit of an issue with this if we went out in public and after about a month, strongly put the pressure on me not to wear such high shoes. Fine with me some of the time. It depends on where you're going and what the occasion is. I said no to never wearing heels again around him, and he acted like I was deliberately setting out to embarrass him. Some men love their women to be taller (Tom Cruise for example), some don't care either way. How many men deliberately look for taller women and how many forget to take a woman's height in heels into consideration? I've met plenty of men who like short women too. I once got ditched for being tall and blonde because a guy I dated a couple of times really only liked short, dark-haired women and when he found one, off I went. I don't blame him because admittedly, I've done the same thing myself. So guys, tell me, how many of you look at a girl's height on RSVP and then add on 10 cms to compensate for the heels? Who doesn't care?

Posted by: thenextmrsdarcy at June 1, 2008 4:36 PM

During my short time here, I too have noticed that I recieve 'k