RSVP Blog

Blog now closed; thank you for your comments!

Posted by: RSVP at June 26, 2007 10:03 AM

In my early 20s I had a partner (13yrs my senior) brush off an amourous attempt from me .. I flashed him in front of the TV screen .. he prefered the baseball game he was watching. I should have left then .. he turned out to be a control freak and a wierdo( for want of a better title).
Even now as a mature lady I make it clear that I could not deal with a Couch Potato who thinks being glued to any sport on TV is an exciting way to spend an evening and far more exciting than my company!

Posted by: Naiad18 at June 3, 2007 6:17 PM

Heres a chance for all you bitter to women to voice your relationship woes.This topic is rather sexist really...Oh thats right,it cant be..because its slandering men.

Posted by: paul locke at May 27, 2007 10:06 PM

I would rather a date cancel our evening together so he can watch a football match, than not mention it to me until I actually arrive at his house and expect me to sit with him while he watches the game, knowing full-well that I absolutely hate football. It hasn't happened yet because luckily intuition has made me ask, "What did you have planned for this evening?" and I've been able to cancel. If it ever did happen, I would simply go home. Men (and women for that matter) who love football seem to not be able to fathom that some people really and truly don't like it.

Posted by: Mendelssohn at May 19, 2007 3:20 PM

This is for stevieboy45. I come from a background of "marriage is for life", and I know that even some of the so-called bad boys can have a heart of gold, which of course is what binds the marriage.He only tried to hit me once, but I caught his hand & in tears promised that if he ever did it again, he would never see me again.Having been brought up with many hidings for nothing, or because I am a questioning Free Spirit, I was terrified of that sort of behaviour.My parents were good people, but of that generation. Now I can handle anything with the right attitude.Now if someone shouts and screams, I just watch, and then ask if they have finished?...Then walk away. Sometimes they realise how stupid they look!!Self development taught me heaps!! And anyway, Stevie, where does one go when in a new country, no money and no relatives close by?Just 5 beautiful children to care for.
Each case is different and it does make one stronger eventually,& extremely happy, because one learns to cope.
These days there are places to go and care available....not so in my early marriage.Every new relationship deserves a chance if the reasons for being together are genuine. I am no Saint, but I believe in fair-play. We are responsible for our own destiny.

Posted by: melody10 at May 18, 2007 11:15 AM

A lot of you women absolutely amaze me!! You put up with being ignored, and used , but never quite see that you are wasting your life. It's a bit like the women that stay with the drunks, get bashed around, then complain to all and sundry that your partner is 'no good'. i know of many women that never leave !!! There are many nice guys out there but the nice guy doesn't even stand a chance because these women appear to enjoy the 'bad boy' types. i am a nice guy and my woman left me for a 'bad boy'. i was so nice to her and i thought that she loved me as much as i loved her. Ladies, if he doesn't behave like he should, and doesn't want to change, give him the flick, and look for a nice guy. There are still plenty of us nice guys out there, but most of us don't drink in pubs, don't go to pickup joints, so don't try to meet us there!! Just keep your eyes open through the day, and you may just find one of us!!

Posted by: stevieboy45 at May 17, 2007 5:31 PM

I must be a slow person!! I really feel for 'butterflylanded.' I had a similar 30 years, because I eventually had my own interests. My ex was excellant at his job and was eventually home at night when we got away from his sports crowd and pubs. His father told him at age 36 to start behaving himself as we had 5 children and he had nothing to complain about !! Pa was a great guy, unlike the Ma, who never got over us leaving the UK. Don't try changing anyone to that extent, until they want to change.Having your own interests is a big advantage and I found happiness until he eventually left, and I now love life and everything in it. No more listening to Rugby etc into the night, whilst trying to get to sleep. For me to leave with 5 kids would not have been the answer; You can try to start as you wish to continue, but luck may have to play a big part there too!!Now I have great grandkids etc & I am looking again quietly!!

Posted by: melody10 at May 17, 2007 10:19 AM

wow...i am glad i am not the only one..i was with someone for 4 years and his whole life was dictated by beer and sports..after competing with the tv for so long i realized i was over it...hopefully one day i will attract someone more compatible..

Posted by: Huey at May 16, 2007 8:24 PM

Girls a question. Would you rather your partner be obsessed with his favourite sport eg AFL or addicted to alcohol, illicit drugs or gambling on the pokies? Bottom line is, that it could be a lot worse!

Posted by: jason at May 13, 2007 9:41 AM

computer widows crikies u lot have it easy .. my ex used to stay on the computer from the minute i left the door till i came home at night then still be on it while i cooked tea and cleaned the house,by then i was buggared she would still be on the comp way after i went to bed . this was 7 day days a week for 7 years and all to lure sum guy out of the wood work meet him them dump him and start all over again .my brain was shot every day i got home i never knew what was happening untill one day i had a complete breakdown. she had spend over 20,000 dollars on new computers to keep up and had used 5 mobile phones in this time even travelling interstate to meet with the guys from chat rooms .so i don't think any of this compares to what i went thru but . but u live and learn and hey that was after knowing her for 20 years.

Posted by: col2008 at May 13, 2007 7:57 AM

I've been involved in a baseball club for 30 years. My sons have grown up in that environment, which has had a wonderful, positive effect on them. They have learnt tolerance, discipline, and are fit and healthy. Having said all that, balance is the key to anything. Too much of any one thing tips the scales. My husband (now ex), was into every kind of sport, to the exclusion of all else (including me). We'd go to the football (I always went along - if you can't beat them, join them), and he'd put the ear plug in his ear on my side, and talk to the friend on his other side. I got the message. And left.

Posted by: dimplesC at May 12, 2007 8:54 AM

I know a couple here in Canberra. My mate would play an online game when ever he could (world of warcraft). His wife did'nt like him playing it so much so I made a joke by saying "why not get another computer and play with him then"?

Turns out she did. They now play all the time together.

(Im not saying this is a good idea, it's just what happened)

Posted by: Shnugglie at May 12, 2007 12:38 AM

Unfortunatley obsessive use of either sport or computer games is a form of addiction. Your partner needs to see this and change.

Today the computer games are online and can be very addictive because you are playing against real people.

Some even agree that, like a drug, it is another way to escape reality.

Posted by: Shnugglie at May 12, 2007 12:35 AM

I can completely empathise with 'computer widows'. My ex (we were engaged) had an obsession with computers and would spend every spare minute playing once we moved in together and he felt like he did not have to try anymore. It was particularly difficult since I am a social person and moved to a new town to be with him (my error in judgement really). He would be up until 3 or 4am in the morning on the computer. He said that he was doing work for his business (he was self employed), but really a lot of the time was spent playing games.With me trying to work a 9-5 job, his hours didnt leave any time for us, let alone any intimacy. He said was doing the hours for 'us'. Even up until the day we split he was still in denial about the whole thing. I think people need to watch out for addictive personalities, which in my case manifested itself in a computer obsession.

Posted by: split at May 11, 2007 8:00 PM

This ones easy. If your significant other likes sports, join them. Not only does it increase your life experience, but it can increase your heart beat in the most unexpected places

Posted by: Salve at May 11, 2007 1:59 PM

In Australia, the following of sport is so strong. As a person who would rather participate in a sport than spectate, I often feel that my lack of interest in watching sport can often be a disappointment for many girls!

If you feel strongly about sport, tv or anything else, its important to do some initial investigation so you don't end up with somebody with a massive difference in interests!

Posted by: Unrecognised at May 9, 2007 4:54 PM

Widow: yes. Sport: no!

My widow status was instead bought on by drugs, drink and then on top of all that: another girl! At times all three would go hand in hand in his life.

Needless to say after 15 years I decided that I didn't want it to be part of my life!

Onwards and upwards I say!

Posted by: sexygirl74 at May 8, 2007 6:30 PM

i had a bf who loved doing up old valiant cars , that is all he ,his brothers and his mates did, cars and drinking, then as time went by i realised this was how it was one car after another , mates partying and the rest it was stupid and in the end of course it took its toll, guess what? he is definitly an ex bf now, good luck ex ..........

Posted by: time to go bf.. at May 8, 2007 8:52 AM

People are thinking guys are the only ones crazy about sports. There are many females out there who are just as fanatical and crazy over it.my ex couldnt get footy from her mind for less than a few hours, i had to ban the footy on fox and hide the new papers cos she always read the sports 1st. so hey, give us guys a break also cos some of us hate sports, well at least watch but dont cry if we miss a match of something.

Posted by: genuineSA at May 7, 2007 5:02 AM

I am definately a sports widow. My husband became so active in athletics, training several nights per week, managing athletics on Saturday mornings and then competing himself in the afternoons. He would get up early on Sunday and drive miles away for a long run. By the time he got around to 'family' time it was 2 pm on a Sunday afternoon. He couldn't understand why I would be angry !!

He decided that we had nothing in common anymore, probably because he was never spending time at home with me and his two little boys. Anyway, he left, when I was pregnant with our third son.

He used to be a very loving and caring person but the dynamics certainly change once you have kids, he would do things he wanted and not consider what I wanted. I suppose it really snuck up over time. All very sad and heart breaking for me and our 3 little ones.

Posted by: wonderfully at May 6, 2007 7:54 PM

All the sport on TV makes me wanna PUKE! And the cr@p shows that go with it :( Give me a woman ANY DAY!!!!!!!

Posted by: ha ha ha at May 6, 2007 2:14 PM

I was married to a sports nut in fact our wedding came between the Football and Cricket seasons. Needless to say as I developed my own interests outside of these arenas the marriage failed. If you get tangled up with a fanatic dont think they will change just because you have come along!

Posted by: Baznett at May 6, 2007 12:08 PM

Sports widows are simply proof that some women are willing to put up with men who neglect them, rather than find someone better. Repeat victims lack the introspection required to figure out why they're going after the wrong kind of guy.

Sure, it can happen the other way too.. but it's less common.

Posted by: Geoff at May 5, 2007 4:54 PM

My ex husband is English and a Manchester United supporter. You try sleeping while he is watching a game on the TV in the bedroom in the early hours of the morning and they score a goal. Absolutely shocked out of sleep to watch the rest of the game with no further score - how boring!!

Posted by: Mezba at May 5, 2007 12:19 AM

I recently went on an RSVP date with a guy that didn't mention any kind of sport on his profile at all. Which I thought was weird....Anyway after chatting a while he mentioned that he liked sport and liked to play golf. When out on our date ...it turns out that he spends 5 nights out of 7 at his golf club...and all day sunday at the golf club...guys be honest. It would save wasting our time. Be honest if you have a passion...be up front about it.

Posted by: Aria71 at May 4, 2007 9:24 PM

At 8 months pregnant I was standing on top of pinebark in a very large trailer shoveling it out while ex was inside watching the golf, followed by cricket, followed by tennis. Neighbour took pity on me and came to help and did his block at ex when he realized he was watching TV. The pattern of watching anything that was sport continued while having 2 small children and when 1 1/2 & 3 he left and then had the time to not only watch sport endlessly but to also get his golf handicap to 6 and sing in the rugby choir. Saw his kids 3-4 weeks a year and still sometime went and played golf for 3 day tournaments when he had them. And he thinks I am weird because I hate sport!!!

Posted by: butterflylanded at May 4, 2007 8:43 PM

Not into sport myself, nor playing it, preferring social fitness activities like running and Pilates. I enjoy PC games myself, but only as a distraction from getting bored or lonely when I don't have a special woman in my life. Needless to say, I would like to play with a woman anyday over sometime so sterile as a computer game or watching sport!

Posted by: Uniquefun at May 4, 2007 2:21 PM

I'm a guy and computer games would always take second place to that special lady. I don't watch any sports so that makes the sports point moot when it comes to me. Now if only I could find that special lady ;)

Posted by: ShiGui at May 3, 2007 7:57 PM

I don't get the sports widow thing. I'm a guy and was a highly successful sportsman - but I never let it rule my life or my relationships. These days I watch very little sport and I think that guys that do watch it constantly are imagining that they are actually playing. Guess what guys - you were never any good at it - so don't pretend to be, by compulsively watching it! Get over yourselves and get a life!

Posted by: libra38 at May 3, 2007 4:29 PM

Yes my ex-husband had more time for his friends than our relationship.He thought 'cause we were married hey it just did itself.No try, no score, no relationship go live with the friends they don't last than.

Posted by: Beth at May 3, 2007 10:46 AM

I guess it is one of those indicators that we never see at the time, but appear so obvious in hindsight.

Before my ex and I split we were spending most evenings "doing our own thing" computer games vs treadmill, even watching different shows on 2 tv's in different rooms.

I will be a lot more likely to notice this happening in any future relationship. It starts with spending some time apart but ends up with you being apart all the time.

There is a certain amount of work in keeping a relationship going and if it seems more attractive to just dedicate the time to yourself then what is the other person there for?

In that respect it could be viewed as either a cause or a symptom.

Posted by: Fred at May 2, 2007 9:34 PM

I am a male and i actually despise football, I cant stand it. Over all the TV channels is football and the relevant programs associated.

Posted by: Not telling at May 2, 2007 8:49 PM

what can I say....playstation = end of marriage...it just ended up killing any time for intimacy as lets face it...everyone is pretty time poor these days and relationships need not necesarily 'quantity' of time but at least 'quality' and I sadly just couldnt get into being his playstation buddy. So now one of my dating measures is how 'attached' to his 'toys' he is as I dont want to make the same mistake twice.

Posted by: travelbug2006 at May 1, 2007 10:54 PM

I feel sorry 4 dazza but I guess anyone in a defunct relationship becomes second to someone, be it sports, computers, mothers in law, tv, friends,thats why people keep saying relationships take a lot of work and in equal measure from both parties. I guess not all all of us learnt that lesson hence our dwelling at this particular site. Keep grinning while I keep winning

Posted by: aj at May 1, 2007 9:52 PM

OMGOSH yes i know the sports widow thing COMPLETELY!!! I came about 100th to every sport on the planet.. And we had foxtel which is like 8 channels of JUST SPORT so you can imagine what that was like.. Im single now.. Thank god.. But my stadards now include a minimal sport rule.. Hmmm wonder why...

Posted by: Shaye at May 1, 2007 7:59 PM

have been a computer widow! sounds realy weird coming from a guy but my ex used to sit up till some time in the early morning buy wich time i was normaly well and truely asleep as i was starting work at 5:30am every morning and finishing at 3:00pm after six months of this i decided 2 quit in the hopes that i would get to spend some quality time with her! well it apears that move is why i am here now, now i wish i hadn't left work, that i had left her instead hindsight is a wonnderfull thing isn't it!

Posted by: dazza8224 at May 1, 2007 5:38 PM

I would tell the girl to examine her true feeling as to whether he was the right person for her, I would not do such a thing as I believe love is a two way street for each personand the male should share his life equally with his partner and passion

Posted by: access8 at May 1, 2007 4:16 PM

I've previously been a computer widow - twice.

The first time round it was due to the game Counter Strike and somehow that relationship lasted for three years. He'd stay at the computer for up to 30 hours straight playing the damn game online.

The second time was due to my partner being a software developer/engineer who worked from home. While we were living together he would regularly work through until 10 or 11pm and then play computer games for another couple of hours until crawling into bed by which time I'd be fast asleep. Apparently my desire to get a proper night's sleep before working my 9 -5 job was the entire reason our sex life suffered?!? What about his constant attachment to a keyboard?

I think what bugged me most was that it seems such a anti-social pursuit and I'm a very social person.

The men who have computer widows make me think of all those bad sci-fi virtual reality ideas where people are physically plugged into computers. They cease to be able to function with reality and the people who inhabit it.

I can theoretically understand the frustration of being a sports widow, but at least it's an active and social past-time.

Well, that's my view at least...

Posted by: GouramiGirl at May 1, 2007 12:17 PM